El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-12-12
GGKTHAT you think about this
w here Mexican situation?'' Sim
Perkins asked Uncle Ashdod.


Perkins asked Uncle Ashdod.
We'll, sir" said Uncle Ashdod, some
! folks might call it a situation if they
/ wanted to, but seems to me that what
| they got down there is more what you
| might call a site than a situation. Yes,
sir. a site is what I would call it-durn
site worse today than it was yesterday;
an a durn site worse yesterday than
it was the day before, and a durn site
worse day before yesterday than"
All right" said Sim Perkins All
right! That country of Mexico was
discovered back in 1919, and if you're
? goin' back day by day for 400. years or
so, III just take a little nap, but if you
got anything to say about the grand
old Mexican ship of state, go ahead and
say it"
'Ship?" said Uncle AshdOd. ship O.
state2 The kind of ship O. state they've
got down there amt no more seaworthy
than the ship me and the head surgeon
went VOyaging in with the first mate.
Hot air balloon is what I'd call it
go ahead!' said Sim Perkins, re-
signedly- 4 got to hear it some time
might as well be now"
Uncle Ashdod looked at him re-
prOachfully-
so I says TO the head surgeon" he
said; Il says, Maybe this here old
Washtub of a Sally Ann amt no Olym-
pic, but she's a ship just the same. A
ships 4 ship, says, and nobody can't
deny that no more than he can deny
that a government is a government
You don't mean to say government
like that there Mexican government is
a government, do your he says A
government is a government 1 says,
same as a snip IS a snip ram [ SO.
he says An airship is a ship by name,
but it amt a ship 4 ships ship.
I says. No, sir he says. Yes, sir
says, for ne was gettin' me mad, a
schooner is a ship, square-rlgger IS
ship. and a submarine is ship, and an
airship is q ship, and balloon IS
ship Ships is ships, and no mistake
1 can prove it amt So, says the head
sail a ship, but you can't san bal
loon worth shucksi Why, plague your
hider I says; I can sail any ship man
ever madeH Can't sail balloon, says
he. because a balloon amt ship "A
balloon is. too, ship, says SO we
all got aboard"
THE balloon" said Uncle Ashdod.
What you suppose we got aboard,
mule? We was talking about balloons,
wasn't we2 So we got aboard one
what for27 asked Sim Perkins.
''To settle that there argument" said
Uncle AshdOd.
Me and the head surgeon and the
first mate" said Uncle Ashdod. First
off the head surgeon didn't want the
first mate to 90. Too much weight,
never hear tell of a ship that didn't
sail with a first mate aboard We got
to start with one; anyway II II seems
like he's too heavy we can throw MIN
overheard And then the first mate he
didn't want TO go"
Don't blame him. Only feIIer aboard
that had any sense said SIM PERKINS
" Mate I says" continued Uncle Ash
dOd. you come right along. If we got
to chuck you overheard wen pick
scottish place to chuck you onto II
you miss it its your fault So he came
We chucked him out first hour We was
up in the balloon"
Did he light soft?" asked Sim Per-
kins.
and that was the last of him Served
him right. He hadn't no business to be
so heavy. First mate in balloon wants
to be a skinny feller. and this feiler
was too fat. He was as fat as
"Whatd you throw him over forE'
asked Sim Perkins.
'He was sinkin the ship" said Uncle
Ashdod "As soon as we got rid Of
him things looked all right and we
went up like skyrocket- SO We was
glad We was rid of him. shes all
right now says the head surgeon; she
had too big a load on So purity soon
she began to sink again. LOSin' gas, 1
reckon. Kept a goin' down and down,
and there we was out over the WnoIe
Atlantic Ocean and seventy-two mlles
and a half from shore and the ship
sfnl1in' She's gOin' to sink says;
she's gOin to sink into the ocean ana
Wen both he drowned as dead as seven
years ago last August Thought you
could sail any ship there was said the
head surgeon. so I kim says j, an.
since you put 1t that way, so / Will
And you done it%' asked Sim Per
You bet done it," said Uncle Ash
dod Trouble with this ship I says
to the head surgeon. is she's over
weighted. NOthin' left to throw out,
saws he, and at that we hit the top of
a wave and shipped a ton Of water.
Clothes overheard! yelled, and quick
er than a wink me and the head sur
geOn disrobed' as you may say, ana
that lightened the balloon so we went
up again. But purity soon she lost
enough gas so she started TO SINK.
Throw out something yelled. throw
out them surgical tools of yours. NO,
sir he says, I'm aboard this ship as
head surgeon, and a head surgeon amt
no use without his surgeon tools. 1
seen that. was true enough. 50 over
went my left foot"
'Over went what?" asked Sim Per
kins.
I'VE had to tighten that balloon or go
under and my left foot seemed about
as useless as anything we had aboard
that balloon, so l sticks II up on the
edge of the car and says, Saw her
Off and the head surgeon he sawed
her. He done a neat, clean job, too.
He was a fust-class surgeon, he was.
So up we went quite a bit into the air,
bein' lighter by one goOd-sized foot
but down We come again. When 1 see
it was tighten ship or go under, I
sticks my right leg over the edge of the
car Saw her off, SurSeE L says, we
got to keep our heads above water.
'Noper saws he; my turn now. Saw off
some of me- Real nice of him, that
was. but. pshaw! I wasn't no surgeon
captain of this ship. You do what I
! tell We So he sawed my leg off. Nice.
clean job he done, too. 7 never had a
leg sawed off no cleaner. So up we
! went"
'T hope" said Sim Perkins It hope
you stayed up that time. I'd hate to