Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1913-03-12
DUMPING INTO IT.
Two Grouches That Counted for
Nauyht With Dan Cupid on
the Job.
BY cLAUDlNE sissoN.


years old, and carried crouch.
Miss Evelyn Tyson was twenty-five
years old and carried another crouch
Mr.. barrow had all income that en-
abled him to loaf around and call him.
self a sculptor
Miss Tyson had an income that en-
abled her to idle (not loaf around and
call herself landscape painter.
Mr. Darrow's crouch arose from two
causes He could not sculp for
shucks, and the public knew it and
he knew it. He had a rich uncle who
was going to leave him a lot of
money when he died, but he meanly
persisted in hanging on and even
growing fat over it. AS soon as he
pegged out and the yellow-backs
were turned over, then the sculptor
would sculp no more.
Miss Tyson's crouch also arose from
two causes. She had rich aunt who
was going to leave her a jolly lot of
cash when she became an angel. but
that aunt went right along being sat
isfied with this sad world instead OF
taking the slightest step towards
helping herself to climb to azure
heights and begin her lessons on the
golden harp tagged with her initials
and waiting for her. AS soon as that
money was hers she would cease to
paint and tell the public to go to the
secondhand stores for it's Corots.
One morning, early in this twenti-
eth century and the reign of graft and
virtue, Miss Tyson awoke with a
hunger for fried eggs. AS she had an
apartment and cook and a maid
and dozen eggs under her artistic
thumb, all she had to do was to send
word to the kitchen that she wanted
fried eggs for breakfast. and she want
ed them fried hard, and that if there
was any throw-down about 1t some
one would lose her job.
Alas for poor human nature! 1t is
always wanting somebody else's eggs.
Miss Tyson's longing was not for the
eggs in the house, but for those out
of it-at a restaurant three blocks
away. 1t was raining. She didn't
care snap. She would have to wear
a raincoat and carry an umbrella.
She didn't care two snaps. Her ar
tistic soul cried out for restaurant
fried eggs-eggs that had emerged
from cold storage nests after year
of rest-and that soul should be salts
fed
Mr.. barrow had slept we'll and
dreamed that his obdurate uncle had
turned up his toes at last. Therefore,
he awoke hungry. Therefore, he
found himself craving for sausages-
pork sausages, homemade country
sausages made by Aunt Mary and
brought to town by Uncle RUDE.
b'gosh!
Mr.. Darrow had studio and valet
and kitchen. That valet could cook
a ham bone in seventeen different
ways. Just a sleepy nod to him and
he would have assembled the fire es-
cape like monkey and been back
in five minutes with dozen sausages
gently linked together SO that none
might stray. But no-just as Miss
Tyson wanted restaurant eggs, Mr..
barrow wanted restaurant sausages,
and he would have them or perish.
With rubbers and raincoat and UNI
brella he set out at almost the same
moment Miss Tyson did.
She was intent upon fried eggs.
He was intent upon fried sausage.
He carried his umbrella tipped for
III
She did the same.
They were coming head-on, and
they met. Two umbrellas were put
out of commission, and one girl artist
was compelled to sit down in the
mud on the crossing.
Madam, it was your fault"
"Sir, it was yours!"
"You don't know how to carry an
umbrella"
"It's you that should take lessons,
not only in that, but in manners as
Welt"
"You-you bumped into met"
1T was the other way!"
Mr.. barrow picked up his broken
ribbed umbrella and returned to his
studio in disgust to breakfast most
ly on dry toast.
Miss Tyson picked herself up, saw
a boy disappearing with her wrecked
umbrella, and she returned to her
apartment with her appetite for fried
eggs completely gone.
Henry" said Mr. Darrow to his
man, what do you think of woman
who carried an umbrella down to her
knees in storm like this?"
"a very doubtful person, sir"
"And shuts her eyes and slaves
ahead?"
at isn't society manners, sir
And bumps into a MANI"
mo polish there, SIR
"And then KNOCKS him and her
self down and calls him blunder-
head2"
why, sir, we can't afford to asso-
ciate with no such parvenew, and |
hope we are not going to-
Helen" said Miss Tyson to her