The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-12

AS a reward for good behavio,
Johnny was allowed to come to the
dinner table when company was IN.
pected. He wanted to appear big. too
so he chose a low chair which brough,
his mouth just to. the top Of the
table. But he didn't mind this be.
aus it was on a line with his plate
and he was not so likely to drop any.
thing while eating. He ate ravenous.
ly of everything, having nothing to say
to the guests. as his mother told him
to remember that good children are
seen, not heard. Finally. after des.
sert. when there was a lull in the
conversation, he exclaimed:
Say, pop, YOU can't guess what I've
got under the table"
No, my son." said his father with
an indulgent glance: what is III"
stomach ache" shouted john,
gleefully.
Mike and Pat worked for q wealthy
farmer. They planned to turn bur
glars and steal the money which the
farmer had hid in one Of the rooms
OF his house. They waited until mid.
night. then started to do the Job.
In order to get the money they had
to pass the farmers bedroom. Mike
said. I'll go first. and il it's all righ,
YOU can follow and do lust the san,.
as l."
Mike started to pass the room. Jus,
as he got opposite the door the floor
creaked. This awoke the farmer, who
called out, who's there"
Mike answered with a "meaow!"
Hmitating a cat). The farmers wife
being awake. too, said, ooh, John. It's
the cat and all was quiet.
Now Pat started to pass the door.
and az he got opposite 1t the floor
creaked again. The farmer called out
again. louder than before, whoa
there?" ~ "
Pat answered. another cat"
One day" relates a teacher. ~
gave a bright boy a problem in alee-
pra' n although 1t was comparative
~ easy. he couldn't DO it. You
ought to be ashamed of yourself!'
remarked. AT you age George
Washington was a suryeyor,, Ths
boy looked me straight in the ewes.
Yes, SIR he replied, and at your are
ne was president Of the United
The younger man had been COM
planning that he could not get his wife
to mend his clothes.
II asked her to sew a button on
this vest last night and she hasn't
touched IT," he said. At this the
older man assumed the air Of A ia.
triarch.
Never ask a wonan to mend any.
thing" he said. You haven't been
married very long. and I think 1 car
give o some serviceable suggestions.
When l want a shirt mended 1 take
It to my wife. flourish it around a
little and say, where's that rag bag?'
What do YOU want Of the ras
bag" asks my wife. Her suspicious
are aroused al once.
want to throw this shirt away
It's worm out I say. with a few more
flourishes.
Let me see that shirt my wife
says then. Now, John. hand It to md
at once
"of course. 1 pass it over and she
examines IL.
Why. it only needs and then
she mends IT,"
A we'll known Scotch professor waa
occasionally called up to Bslrnoral
to attend the late Queen Victoria. ana
was extremely proud of the honor.
One day a notice appeared in the uni
versity which stated that Prof. -
could not attend his classes that day
as he had been called up to Balmora1
to see the queen. A waggish studen,
who saw the notice wrote underneath
1t: Goo save the queen"
A young woman in Central mark
overheard an old negress call to a
p~ickaninny:
Come heah. Exy. Exy!"
Excuse me. but that's a queer
name for a baby. aunty."
Dat amt her full Name" explained
the old woman with pride; "dat's ies;
de pet name I calls for short. Dat
chile got a mighty grand name. Her
ma PICKED 1t out in q medicine boos
-yessum.' de child's fun name IL r:c.
sema." Oo
Next! Johnny, was George Wash
ington a sailor or a soldier?"
Soldier"
How do you know"
Saw q picture Of him crossinr thA
Delaware. A sailor Wouldn't he FnnI
enough to stand up in the boat"
A small boy saw some youne MN.
pies at the dog dealers.
"Oh, MI. Brown, he asked ~.
man, "how much do YOU wan. %.
those %puppies?"
They're SO apiece, Master Rev.r.
~" neVer-
"oh, but I don't want a p,ec. +,
want q Uho1n A@-v $1,000 =