The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1913-05-29
Settled In Heaven
Perhaps
a., Al OIlAn
BY M. QUAD
Copyright. 1913, by Associated Lit
erary Press.

but II was generally concluded that 1t
lasted twenty nine years before Provi-
dence put an end to It One fall even
ing, when Delhi consisted Of only seven
houses and a huckleberry patch. Joab
and Moses met at the postoffice. and
after little talk Joab said:
Moses, I'm told that you've got q
tolerable appetite for cider"
Eyes. tolerable," admitted Moses.
"You allus lay in a bar'l for winter%
81 surely do"
"And what do you put into it to keep
/ from gettin' hard and twangy?"
IL allus use little peppermint"
1--we heard you did, and I'm goin' to
tell you of better thing Put in sas-
safras instead of peppermint. and
you'll have bari of cider equal to
champagne. You know how folks cry
for my cider along In the winter, and
it's the sassafras what does it."
"Sassafras couldn't beat peppermint"
says Moses as he shakes his head.
"But 1t does beat it all holler," says
Joab. you use 1t once and you'll be
grateful to me all the rest of your
life."
II don't doubt you mean we'll, Joab,
but ] shall stick to peppermint"
I'm givin' you sassafras, Moses"
"And I'm givin' you peppermint.
Joab."
"Waal, wouldn't give peppermint to
grubby calfv'
"And | wouldn't give sassafras to an
ailin' hogr'
That was the beginning Of the dis
pute. They didn't lay hands on each
other, but they felt edgeways, and they
never met without bringing up the
question. They had it all to them
selves at 6rst but after a bit other
folks were dragged into it. and good
share of the county was divided into
'peppermints" and "sassafrasers.''
Both disputants were church mem
bers and belonged to the same church,
and the pastor finally called them be-
fore him and said:
"See here, brethren, why this dis
puter
"'Cause Nose is a mule." replied
Joab.
"'Cause Joab is an idiot" replied
Moses.
"That is not Christian talk"
Let him give up, then, and say he's
wrong"
Hes the one that's got to give up"
"But you will divide the church II
you keep this up," warned the pastor.
"l'd hate to see it." replied Moses,
"but peppermint's the thing to preserve
cider"
And | will never divide church If
kin help It," added Joab, "but mo-
body but idiot would use peppermint
Sassafras is the thing. parson-sassa-
frasv
Peppermint. parson-peppermint!"
"But If both are good
"But they hain'tw
Almost every night in the year Joab
and Moses met at the postofice. and
after sort of elbowing each other
around for spell Joab would say:
why, hello. Moses, is that you?
thought ! smelt peppermint around
herer'
you left homer Moses would reply.
Still stickin' to it. are you, that pep
permint is the right thing to keep cider
from gettin' too hard"
81 am, and allus l shall, and so would
any one else but born foolP'
There would be more to 1t, and a
dozen men would 60 over the question
and call each other fools and liars, and
the trouble kept spreading. 1t beat
Joab when he ran for supervisor. and 1t
downed Moses when he wanted to be
q deacon of his church. If lightning
rod man or a tin peddler showed up
within ten miles of Jericho he was
asked for his opinion on the cider
question. and the man who favored
peppermint couldn't do business with
the sassafrasers. Many people tried
to smooth over the quarrel, but when
they went to Joab he said:
I'm willin' enough to be friends
with Moses. but, durn his hide, he's
got to drop that peppermint business
fustP'
Then they would go to Moses and
tdlh anu argue uuu punt Jul hi5 uutJ,
but he would shake his head and reply:
"It's no use talkin' till Joab let's go
of sassafras. He's stickin' to 1t jest
because he's pigheaded and wants to
come out on top"
The thing had been going on for near
ly forty years, and Joab and Moses had
got to be grandfathers and old men,
when they met at the postoffice for the
last time. Both were tottering and
feeble. and as they caught sight Of
each other Joab called out:
ITS that blamed peppermint workin'
in your system, and / don't care how
soon it takes you OFF,
'It's that sassafras in your blood" re-
piled Moses, "and your folks needn't
expect me to come to your funeralp'
The next day both Of them were In
bed, aid after looking them over the
doctor said their time had come to go.
, They lasted two weeks and died on
the same day. but before dying Joab
sent word to Moses:
II amt goI no pity for such critter.
~ t.xhk hox