davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Mr.. GosLINGToN GOT EVEN
Collision of III-Mannered Man and
Fire<Hydrant Afforded Him Much
Satisfaction.

you know. the crowding, pushing,
Ill hammered chaps" said Mr.. Costing
ton, chat elbow their way through
and crowd you off into the gutter, like
as not, and pass right on with never
thought? / encountered one of them
this morning in Sixth avenue.
HE overlook me, coming up from
the rear, walking faster than l, and
when he had come to me he dldnt
sheer out, but kept right along, shout
dering me so that almost fell into
the street. But in one brief moment
was. more than fully avenged.
Just as this ill-mannered chap
shouldered me 1 had arrived at fire
hydrant, for which I was about to
sheer out You know the fire hydrant?
Built of cast iron, very hard, and
standing up rigidly, very rigidly. You
can't just shoulder a fire hyGrant out
of tho way, and just as this may shout
dered me out of his course he came
upon the fire hydrant, which with me
covering it from view he had not
seen. His next rude, reckless step
forward carrying him up against this
fire hydrant fair and sQuarely per-
bunk!
And 1t didn't break his leg, but
it did make him limp; he limped quite
perceptibly, was pleased to see, as he
walked away"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
SPIRIT IN TUBERCULOSIS WAR
!: Nineteen Million Dollars Expended
Last Year In Fight Against the
Dread White Plague.

Nearly $19,000,000 was spent in the
antituberculosis campaign in the
United States during the year 1912, ac-
cording to the fourth annual statisti-
cal statement of expenditures in this
movement issued by the National AS
ISOLATION for the Study and Prevention
,of tuberculosis. The expenditures
during the year for sanatorium and
hospital construction and treatment
make the largest single item in the
Total, amounting to nearly $16,S00,O00.
This is an increase of nearly $4,000.
! 300 over the same group of expendi-
lures for the year 1911. The anti
tuberculosis associations and commit
tees spent over $765,0o0, while dis
.pensaries and tuberculosis clinics
spent over 100000. Over s415,000
.3Ras spent for the maintenance and
.estab lishment of open-air school and
fresh air classes, which is more than
nflouble the. amount spent for this pur-
pose II. 1911 Of1cia1, state and mu-
nicipal expenditures outside of the
maintenance Of institutions, which are
Included in the other totals, amount
ed to $2S0,000. In addition to these
figures, about 100000 was spent by
hospitals for insane and penal insti-
tutions in caring for their tuberculosis
inmates.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
No Money. No Marriage.

"A fortune teller told me that you
are going to marry me-" said the
young man with the prominent
socks.
did she also tell you that you are
going to inherit a very large for
tune?' inquired the girl with the mat
ted hair.
"She didn't say anything about a
fortune"
Then she is not much of for
tune-teller, and you had better not
place any reliance in anything she
ys."-Washington Herald.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
LIVED WELL AT SMALL COST
Reminiscent Veteran Recalls Cheap
ness of Provisions in 1920 and
for Years AfterWard.

Conversation in a restaurant be-
tween several diners was on the cost
of living. An aged patriarchal look
ing man broke into the conversation
and told some of his experiences:
eff l live until the last day of Sep
TENDER l will be ninety-two years old.
l might not look it, but it's a fact, all
right, for | was born in Philadelphia
in 1920. My father was what they
called a sheep butcher, and l have
known him to come home Dragging to
rNyther of having sold his mutton for
6h cents pound
I'VE used to get the best cuts Of
beef for a levy pound. Turnips
were begging at 20 cents a bushel.
Pork was as cheap as mutton, and
fish brought about four cents pound.
Flour was sold by the hundred
weight at about s1.50.
1--WE owned our own house, a
taree-story brick with a big yard.
Neighbors renting similar houses paid
s12 a month rent, and thought they
were being robbed. Coal could be had
for four dollars ton. Butter of the
best variety cost from II to 16 cents
a pound. Cigars which now cost a
dime are no better than the old
'sixers' we paid a cent for, and I
have never smoked a five-center that
was as good as the old time half
Spanish, which we bought two for a
cent.
"A laboring man worked for one
dollar a day and lived well. The
Civil war brought great change in
the cost of living. Prior to the war
there was a marked distinction be-
tween the rich and the poor. Tho
latter included all classes, but the
wealthy were told by the clothes they
wore.
"Now, in this age, a S10-a-week
clerk dresses better than the richest
men I knew back in the SOS. I have
never advocated economy, but / con-
fess there are a great many things
that could be dispensed with, both
as to clothes. eating and pleasure.
"As long as the people have high
tastes, things are going to command
high prices This demand Of people
booms prices. "-Philadelphia Record,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
DREADED TO EAT.
A Quaker Couples Experience.

How many persons dread to eat
their meals, although actually hungry
nearly all the time!
Nature never intended this should
be so, for we are given thing called
appetite that should guide us as to
what the system needs at any time
end can digest.
But we get in hurry, swallow our
food very much as 1--WE shovel coal into
the furnace, and our sense Of appetite
becomes unnatural and perverted.
Then we eat the wrong kind of food
or eat too much, and there you are
indigestion and it's accompanying mis-
cries.
A Phila. lady said:
my husband and have been sick
and nervous for Is or 20 years from
drinking coffee-feverish, indigestion,
totally unfit, a good part of the time,
for work or pleasure. We actually
dreaded to eat our meals. (Tea is
Just as Injurious, because it contains
caffeine, the same drug found in cof-
fee.)
WE tried doctors and patent medi-
cines that counted up into hundreds
of dollars, with little if any benefit.
Accidentally, a small package OF
Postum came into my hands. l made
some according to directions, with
surprising results. We both liked it
and have not used any coffee since
1.-THE dull feeling after meals has
left us and we feel better every way.
We are so well satisfied with Postum
that we recommend it to our friends
who have been made sick and nervous
and miserable by coffee" Name CIV
en- upon request. Read the little book,
'aThe Road to MELVILLE" in pkgs.
Postum now comes in concentrated,
powder form, called Instant Postum.
1t is prepared by stirring a level tea
spoonful in a cup of hot water, adding
sugar to taste, and enough cream to
bring the color to golden brown.
Instant Postum is convenient;
there's no waste; and the flavor Is
always uniform. Sold by grocers-
50-cup tin 80 cts, 100cup tin SO cts.
A 5-cup trial tin mailed for grocer's
name and 2-cent stamp for postage
Postum Cereal Co, Ltd. Battle Creek
Mich. Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
SanctjmonIous Penny.

Jerome S. McWade, the millionaire
collector of Duluth, was appealing on
tho Mauretania for seaman's fund.
Let the collection be generous" he
said 1--WE want none of the penny
and quarter parable here"
A penny and a quarter, side by side
in a pocket, fell into conversation.
I'm worth 25 Of you." said the quar-
ter haughtily.
That's true" replied the humble
penny, "but in one respect, sir, I'm
superior to yourself
"Pshaw; how so?" said the quar-
ter.
'I go to church, sir, far, far oftener
than you," replied the penny.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Timely.

Joseph Ettor, addressing the Little
Falls strikers, cracked timely joke.
Let us emulate the firmness of the
millionaire Glass;" he said. "Our mil
lionaires, you know, swear off at the
beginning of each year, and tnfallibly
keep their pledge
Jaw, whata do they swear Off" a
striker incredulously demanded.
"They swear off their personal prop
erty taxi" was the reply.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Discretion.

Discretion is the better part of va
lor,' said Senator Luke Lea, "and the
difference between discretion and va
lor is easily exemplified.
Thus it would be valor to eat your
Christmas dinner at EOignon's res
taurant, and then depart without tip
ping the waiter
"And discretion? Well, to go to a
different restaurant for your New
Years dinner would be discretion.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Wanted to Compromise.

Mr.. Levi is a kind-hearted, con-
scientious man, an example of what
Maeterlinck calls "our anxious moral
ity." But he is also German, and
spends the pennies hard. He has
hired man who says, "Mr. Levi 8
queer; he wants me to work all the
time he has me hired for" Mr.. Levi
also has young horse that balks. IF
you would just let me take a whip
to him once!" the hired man expostu-
lated, exasperated and yet dominated
by, the others point Of view. Mr..
Levi looked at him uneasily; stood
first on one foot, and then on the
other "Ain't there nothin' else you
could be doin'?" he asked, It'll he gets
ready to start?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

A pied piper of Hamelfn" Is need
ed at Santa Paula, Cal. Thousands of
rats, and all big wood rats, have in
vaded the place, and the situation is
such that women are afraid to go to
church. The rats seem to have
preference for churches and on several
occasions have forced the feminine
attendance at services to take to the
high benches. The city authorities
are seeking means to abate the pest.
The rats are believed to have been
driven out of the woods by recent fires
In the forests.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Armv officer Mustn't Umpire

It Is found in the army that 1t will
not do to let officers act as umpires
in ball games and orders have been
issued to forbid it. 1t seems that the
players take advantage of the great
American baseball players right to
abuse the umpire, and it is found that
it destroys the army discipline, when
the umpire is an officer. to have pri-
Yates call him such names as mutt.
"bone-head," etc.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Public Mould Gain.

'In looking over this paper l find
that MIR. Proscklyeswicz Igualincz1n-
ski and Miss Malooploozek Winskad-
diakowski are engaged to be married y
81 am very glad to hear it,
"Why? What interest have you in
It? Do you know them?"
"No, but I consider it matter for
public rejoicing that these two names
are to. be made one."-Stray Stories.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Tho Rioht Lead.

Fond Mamma (praising absent
daughter)-And I've always affirmed
that Sylvia's arms are so well shaped
because / have made her do great
deal of sweeping.
Bashful Young Man (striving wildly
to keep up his end of the CONVERSE
tioon)-Er-does she walk much. Mrs.
Jones?-Puck.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
HOW TO CURE RHEUMATISl
Prominent Doctors Best Prescrir
ton Easily Mixed at Homs

I~~~1~4~~NsN~~1|S>S>~ 1-o's1~|0~|~~~~~'~rN|
This simple and harmless formula
has worked wonders for all who have
tried it quickly curing chronic and
acute rheumatism aid backache. From
your druggist get one ounce. Of Toris
compound Gin original sealed PACKAGE
compound. Take these two ingredients
home and put them in a half pint Of
good whiskey. Shake the bottle and
take a tablespoonful before each meal
and at bedtime" Good results come
after the first few doses. If your drug
gist does not have Toris compound in
hours from his wholesale house. Don't
be Influenced to take a patent medi-
cine instead of this. Insist on having
the genuine Toris compound In the
original one-ounce, sealed, yellow
package. This was published here last
winter and hundreds Of the worst cases
were cured by it in short time. Pub
lished by the Globe Pharmaceutical lab.
oratOrieS of Chicago.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
False Alarm.

"They say that Wombat is g gem
ius.'
Nothing to that story. It's a
canard. l loaned him dollar once
and he paid me back all right
enough"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
SnoiIed Her Secret.

my first husband and kept our
marriage secret for nearly a year"
Didn't you find it rather difficult %
ooh, not, not at all. We could have
gone on for a much longer time Ii the
horrible reporters hadn't been s1oop-
ing around when I applied for my di-
vorce."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
CnIIectinn Antiquities.

Slopay received a card on which
was engraved: Professor Brace,
Antiquarian"
He knew no such person, SO his curl
osity led him to receive him.
What is your business, professors"
he asked, politely.
81 am collector of antiquities" an
swered the old man.
$50 1 imagined. And how can I
serve your"
by paying a deposit on this little
bill you have owed for more than
three years"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
took Load OFF Mother,s MIND,

Six-year-old Dora returned unusu-
ally early from school the other day.
The rang the door bell. There was no
answer. She rang again, little
longer. Still there was no response. A
third time she pushed the button. long
and hard. Nobody came to the door.
Then she pressed her nose against
the window scren and in shrill
voice, which carried to the ears of
every neighbor on the block, called:
Its all right, mamma. amt the
installment mani
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
par,sian Creations

By way of adopting their wares to
the conditions of their customers, Par
isian dressmakers have recently pro-
vided three new creations" de-
scribed as Triple Alliance" Triple
Entente" and Political Horizon"
Women of neutral states will OF
course wear the last.-New York Sun.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
A Tub of EoseWater.

The small son of Victor Rosewater
was DESTROYS of sailing boats in the
bathtub of the Rosewater home.
you cannot" said Mrs. Rose
water. Father is taking a bath just
now"
why is father taking a bath?" de.
manded the boy.
why do you take a bath?" coun-
tered Mrs. Rosewater.
Because have to- replied the son
Saturday Evening Post
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Quite 50,

The little boy was greatly alarmed
Its only hollow pumpkin" ex-
planned his uncle.
And it won't get mel"
mo; it's Just pumpkin with can
die in it."
1.-The idea of being scared by jack
o-lantern," jeered the boys father.
Never you mind, kid" said uncle.
"Many a prominent statesman has
been scared by less"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

Children who are delicate. feverish and cross
will get Immediate relief from Mother Gray
Sweet Powders for Children. They cleanse
the stomach, act on the liver and are recon-
mended for complaining children. A pleas
ant remedy for worms. Used by Mothers for
20 years At all Druggists. csc. Sample FREE
Address. A. 8. Olmsted. Le Roy. N. Y. Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
CaiJ IF woman

Position Wren said, is essential to
the perfecting of beauty-a fine build
ing is lost in a dark lane; statue
should be in the air; much more true
is it Of woman.-Ralph Waldo Emer-
SON.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Personal Privilege.

"You sometimes contradict yourself
in your speeches"
81 know It," replied the positive can
didate. "And I want you to under
stand that l am the only man in our
party who dares attempt such a
thing"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Early Training.

Willis-Is that new young preacher
you hired fresh from college up to
date?
Gillis-You bet. He called out tho
Easter choir squad last Sunday. and
has ordered practice bshind closed
doors.-Puck.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Need of Glue.

Don't you think that we should
have a more elastic currency" asked
the Old Fogy.
1T is elastic enough" replied the
Crouch. "Why don't they make it
more adhesive?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Ii lakes All Kinds. Etc.

Upgardson-Some men will cut
your throat for Is cents.
Atom-Yes, and some won't, The
surgeon that opened my windpipe
once and took out a fragment OF
chicken hons charged lie SIS.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Feminine Notion.

Mrs. Post-"But why adopt a baby
when you have three children of your
own under five years old?" Mrs. Par
ker-"My own are being brought up
properly The adopted one is TO en-
iey-"-~Judae.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Great EHeefa

what Is that terrible noise?" asked
the pedestrian.
THAT" replied the policeman, 'tis
caused by an ordinary one cent safety
pin sticking into 100000 baby"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
The Infant Terrible.

."Mr. Lilsbeau, is it true that you
hain't got sense enough to come in
out of the .rain?"
Eyes, Miss Kitty; you must always
believe what papa tells YOU"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Words Of the Aviato!

so you took a flyer in the stock
market?"
YES" answered the regretful-look-
ing man, land hit an air pocket"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

Once in a great while a man comes
home as early as his wife thinks he
ought to, or the postman brings her q
letter that she expects.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Far sUMMER HEADACHEs

Hicks CAPUDINE is the best remedy
no matter what causes them-whether
from the heat, sitting in draughts, fever
fish condition. etc. 10c., Csc and 50c per
bottle at medicine stores. Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

DR.. Pierce's Pellets, small, sugar-coated,
easy to take as candy, regulate and invigor-
ate stomach, liver and bowels and cure con-
stipation. Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Ihese Gridiron DAYS.

Miss Culchaw-Do you like the
Passing of Arthur?
Mr.. Chump-Pm not up on football
players. What team is he on?
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Not a compIaint.

well, Oscar, we ought to get in
that picture also, should think"
mo, you needn't be on every plate
took my camera along to have some
pleasant recollections Of the trip"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

When man is in
his saner mo-
ments, he longs
for that which, is
stable, for sim
cerity. He longs
for the time
when a m a n 8
word will be as
good Jas his bond,
when Regulus will
willingly go back
to Carthage sim
ply because he
said he would.
About almost any
thing that a man
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

When your hair starts going 1t
doesn't say, eau revoir." 1t says
goodbye"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces infiamma-
tion alays pain cures wind collie, CSC bottle Ady
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Defining Party Spirit.

Party spirit is the madnesss Of
many for the gain of few.-Alexan-
der Pope.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

A woman always seems to think a
man can make over his silk hat as
easily as she can make new bonnet
out of the one she wore last year.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Wizard of Finance.

Would you stick to your husband
If he stole a million dollars?"
eff he succeeded in keeping It,"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

ITCH Relieved in so Minutes.
Woolfords Sanitary Lotion for all kinds OF
contagious itch. At Druggists. Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Question:,

Now a big Chicago firm complains
that its girls will not stay SINGLE
well, will they stay married."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

Even Jobs wife never asked him
to remove the tacks from the parlor
carpet
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
noEs Yonn HEAD AGILE,

| Try Hicks CAPUDINE. It's liquid-pieas.
| ant to take-effec ts immediate-good to prevent
| Sick Headaches and Nervous Headaches also.
i Your money back II not satisfied. 10c., Csc. and
| &c. at medicine stores Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

Important 10 Moth srs
Examine carefully every bottle OF
CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that it
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

If you want a man to deliver the
goods, employ one who doesn't talk.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

It takes a good pugilist or a poor
minister to put his man to sleep.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

And a baby would rather go 10
sleep than listen to lullaby.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

The man who consults a beauty
doctor evidently has leaky brain
box.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

A man can never remember what q
girl said when she proposed to him.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24

A bird in the hand fails to catch the
early worm
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1913-01-24
Proper Rescue.

"How did you come out of the tilt
you had with the beauty doctor?"
We'll, managed to save my face"