davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

Maybe your help really isn't help.
Neither is anyone as superior a. q
young lieutenant feels.
Most of the losses in this world are not
due to paying in advance.
When a man can't think what he wants
to eat, he orders ham and eggs.
The average boy wishes he had been
born in Canada whore they have more
snow.
An Atchdson woman says she has only
one accomplishment: she can take advice.
In some homes where Mother doesn't
need to work much, she has more time
to devote to worrying.
One trouble with the boy who starts out
by getting hundred in department u
that he is 30 apt to get over 1t.
Probably the time will never como when
there won't be some material with which
to enlarge the rogue's gallery.
Children naturally try to catch up with
tomorrow, while older folks would mostly
like to edge back to yesterday.
BY walking across the country you can
see more of 1t than q railroad tourist, and
there are other ways of being foolish.
Nov, dear, don't believe all Of the
gossip you hear at hen party about re-
hgion and history" said . man to his
wife last night. Isn't he Mean Thing?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

Az the Macksville Enterprise has hg-
ured it out: The lcafer is the fellow who
has failed at everything else.
Presumably hash was served at the
Mysterious Lunch that was given re-
Gently by the Baptist ladies OF Selden.
There are thousands of men who
never make mistakes. says the Ameri-
Gus Geeting, but sad to relate, they are
all dead.
Here's a shoe made by the Marquette
Tribune that will ut not q few: What's
the use Of having q reputation made
by the newspapers II your name II
Dennis at the bank?
Related by the Cimarron Jackson
ian: Brownie, do you expect to keep
on shaving people when you get to
heaven" asked the customer as the
dunno. boss. but 'spects II does I'll
be obleeged to drum up q new bunch
OF customers"
but The Kitties Came Back" IL
the heading that the Esbon Times
placed over the following story: c. w.
Knight who buys furs prefers to get
the dead animals and skin them him.
self and in this way he had accumu-
lated . great number Of skunk car
casDes-more than he cared to have
around-so he just slipped them into
q gunny sack Saturday afternoon and
nII0Q 4 1aElueI 10 I8h0 lUSuI OUT anu
dump them in q secluded corner along
the roadside. But In less than an
hour they were back. A young bach
elor farmer who CHANGED to be COM
ing to town on horse back spied the
sack of carcasses, and judging from
its weight and scent concluded that he
had suddenly fallen heir to a prize
package SO he dismounted, picked it
up, threw 1t across the saddle in front
Of him and came triumphantly on to
town through the rain. AS soon as he
opened the door all the trappers who
see how rich a catch the young farm
er had made. Before going out Mr..
knight propounded the usual inter-
rogatories to the young man. asking
whether they were black skunks.
civits, broad stripe or narrow stripe.
The young man said that he didn't
know what kind they were, that this
was his first experience in the busi-
ness, but that he was Offering the con-
signment for examination by those
more about tho business than he did.
When Knight saw the consignment he
Immediately recognized 1t as one
which he had prepared to send out to
the garbage heap only q few hours
before and he said: my young friend
truly laudablc, but I'm free to inform
you that your kitties have already
been peeled" It was a crushing blow
to the young farmer but the trappers
and bystanders were convulsed with
laughter We are mentioning no
names for the fact that we can i'm
agine the keen disappointment Of this
young man who after sharing his sad
die for several miles with a consign-
ment of skunks found them valueless
AS the Meade Globe says: It Is
about the time of year now that we all
make a lot Of good resolutions
break.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20
QUAKER .aEDrrATIoNs.
tFrom the Philadelphil

rFrom the Philadelphia Rec0ed.J
Many q fellow makes good impression
without making good.
Even the fellow with q family tree may
prefer to branch out for hiinself.
Time Is money. Lots of people with
plenty Of time on their hands will strike
you for Z loan.
The people who go to the theatef ON
passes have no business to complain that
they are taken In.
The bride and groom naturally look pale
at q wedding. considering that they are
being made wan.
IT haven't friend in the world" conn
planned the dice box. "Everyone gives me
the shake.
One avalon doesn't make . summer.
but too many swallows win make . fell
low feel like q bird.
The man who talks about his friends b.
hind their backs viii talk about his an
cestors behind their tombstones-
'sBrevity II The soul Of w.t." quoted the
Wise Guy. ssYes, but I can't go the fun
of always being short" added the simple
Mug.
Tommy-..Pop. did they have. any
-.'I suppose they had knight schools. my
SON.
Blobbs-'.Smartlelgh = always complain
Ing about being aboent-minde1." 01obb1
~ notice he uaver forgets to laugh ut
his own Jokes
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

- ne9enbH1 Carter started 70 ten lfar.
~ the eood ngWo ~ had brought h6r.
usB Nevln,s ~ bean, ssYou aa3d thai
80 wanted - NAY With 1hoeno 8 8roM-
~ 01tqr Christmas. hopoon "a b NJ.
xn9f1o,o nephew. toId you lust now
enAt my name Wno Wr. CareoR. we'll I
am Carter I4orne. spoke 70 my uncle
about you this morn1nG and n has put
you I'm chaxgo o. his toy depaxemonf up-
stairs with = sala1x q about four times
what you were getting.
Tears o. gratitude and surprise otnod
out u 4ArEareto eyes. And you-you.
MT. Carter TaOTue-cAme and had Christ
mas dinner With us7 oh. how did dare
NOW. Castsr went ON. II am so,n~ 10
AK you not 10 accept tn petition With
ny uncle. I az goln. e - you 70
garet I have been Watching you from
under my false face every day for .
week. You axe the only g1rl ever hooked
ae second time. Won't you try 70 IKE
IT do IKE you now" said Margaret sim
ply. II hkod you whom thought you
were . poor old man. / couldn't help Il. .
She drew away. from him With ; llttle
gesture Of surprise II do believe have
been IN love With ron all tho time
(Copyr1eht. 1S14. by tho Mcclure News
paper Syndicate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

Silence and wisdom don't go hand in
hand a. often az most folk imagine.
Your neighbors are likely to treat
you neither better nor worse than you
. Q
It's especially easy to think OF brill
liant things to say after the oppor-
tunity to say them has passed.
The vigor OF classical music IL best
evidenced by its survival Of the many
attempts to murder It.
:.
What has become of the old-fash-
toned Latin scholar who quoted. Null
tum In parvo" on the slightest provo
cation?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20
NJ TIE VIZ


Postmaster General Burleson wants
what's the use: politicians would pull
them Just the same.
The local Democrats win not Be per-
mtteed the pleasure OF sgrape-1ufoane
Mr.. Bryan In Topeka, but u they feel
that he needs tho treatment. they mitht
lay = line Of hose to him.
Those who contemplate visiting the
Panama exposition in California should
take along their own cheese and not
depend upon free samples. Germany
- not going to exhibit.
What was At first reported N abusive
treatment Of SpaniAr0s W villa. was
nothing more than ''bensvo1ent assimi-
iatton' OF their property, according to
statement by Hon. villa
Hank Hoslkins has every Instinct Of
business man. but doesn't stick to one
idea long enough to incorporate. He had
scheme to get q franchise from the
teiephone trust to gather all the chew
ing gum from tho Switchboards and
work 1t over. but he has dropped that
70 form . company FOR tho manufac-
ture OF blotting paper handkerchief
Tor women who attend the sob plays.
According to reports, the harmony at
Empor1a was harmonious enough. with
the exception that Bill White f1atted
slightly on the high notes.
An ''open winter 10 not sAtisfactory
to all. Some people have sleds and
Snow shovels to sell.
It requires such effort ON the mart
OF the mayor. commission ana police de-
partment to ease Hon Delk on the main
pike, that they should be relieved of
rne duty next time. Let's cail = mass
meeting and circulate petitions ct
cetera
Jack Supp says . low-necked dress
looks Ike piece Of unfinished business.
Also. that for some unaecountab,s
reason. he always thinks Of chicken
saiad when he sees girl with q wad
or green feathers in her bonnet.
Il don't know what I am goine to
get ChristmaA." says Hondo Murphy,
but have q fair idea Of what I WIN
get about January l."
Every business or profe..,or., me,
mas q weak spot. II you can find II.
And 1t Is usually the antithesis Of hts
business or profession. Arthur J. Boil
nneef, busy lawyer. has exposed his
nand by publishing a booklet OF noe
try-Ruhexeit'' Dutch for sRest-
time') which explains the motive.
Poetry writing. as q recreation. "a not
50 bad as playing the saxaphone. ami
MI. BoLinger has written some retro
spective and sentimental ballads that
would be q credit to many poets Of the
long-haired school. Typographically
ana In binding. the booklet IL q work
OF ART. 1t is not illustrated to any
great extent, containing a few punf
Pen Pictures by Peaceful Parsona.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

Postmaster General Burleson points
with pride to tho fact that the postal
for the flrst time since 1883. This is
due in the main to the unusual volume
of revenue that has been produced by
the parcel post. And the parcel post
system was established, not by the adj
ministration with which Mr.. Bufieson
10 connected. but by the administration
headed by William Howard Taft. It
is one Of the profitable fruits Of stand
patism.'s 1899
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

An oft-repeafed assertion IL that II
q Judge would work as hard and faith
fully in the practice Of law as he IL
compelled to in the discharge OF his
judicial duties, he could earn each year
several times AZ much money ~ the
salary that goes with judicial job.
And yet there 10 never any scarcity Of
candidates for the judgeships- As ap
example, there are mo- LEES than nine
candidates already In tho flsld for the
three places ON the Kansas supreme
court bench that are to be nlled At the
next election. ~
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

tensive county campaigns through the
use OF lectures. the printed page. and
the free dispensAry Demonstration
work; eulisting the press. ETC.. much
progress II being made in getting sani-
tary closets installed N . means to
stopping soil pollution ana ultimately
controlling the channel through which
hookworm disease and typhoid fsver
spread.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

The blue evening suit for men seems
to be insistent, notes the Christian
Science Monitor. and 1t queries: But
IL It not fair to ask. before the matter
goes any farther, IL q man with a red
head. an expanse Of white shirtfront
and q blue suit will not be q violation
Of the nag law.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

An estimate places the aggregate cost
of marriages in Kansas during the year
at $153,O00 and the cost Of divorces at
$135.O00 All of which means that Kan
sans spend more than q quarter Of
million dollars in these ways annually
in the pursuit Of happiness.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

This automatic derailing device that
worked DO successfully en- tho Rock
Island near Joliet the other day il fne
for the passenger trains and their crews
and patrons, but 1t doesn't provide q
very pleasant pastime for the crew Of
the freight train that il thereby tossed
in the ditch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20
FROM OTHEQ PENS


THE QUESTION OF MOTOR POWER.
Now that the automobile has come into
world importapcs. and gasoline h neces-
who seems to be an authority ON the sub
1ect. by prophesying great scarcity Of
gasoline. foresees trouble for the automo-
eiii ,t In the NeE York Outlook for Dec:
the Ohio State University. has estimated
that all the steam plants In the United
states produce total Of 14ooAeoo horse
mobiles In use. averaging Twenty-Five
horsepower each. have q total output Of
8:Ooo 900 horsepower. In 1913 at least W.
by these automobiles; but, in addition to
automobiles. motor boats must be con-
sidered. generating about 1k.ooo.ooo horse
power; y He es. Ga We have the st.sgerins
age energy developed by the movable
gasoline engines Of this country. But that
10 not all. There are thousands Of farm
one could even guess by how much they
increase the drain ON our gasoline supply,
and by how much they add to the total
norsepower DEVELOPED With the aid Of gas
or motor boat owners realise that .
quantity Of gasoline which was produced
in the laboratory Of nature only after the
years and more perhapsIs consumed by
gasoline engines in few seconds. It
appears that petroleum which 10 the re-
rich in gasoline ~ was that first brought
to light, ana consequently the prospect
for the power for motor CARRIAGES and
boats Is growing constantly DINNER. and
the price 10 going up. Fortunately, says
Mr. kaempnert. kerosene, with some al
iteration in the machines, can be used to
operate them, and therefore there IL still
hope. OF course there will always be pro-
pelltng force ~ long az the coal lesta
and electricity can be generated by Wafer
power.-New Orleans P1cayune.
THE COST OF cREDuLrrx.
1t is well TO put stop to tbs schemes
by which wire tappers. clairvoyants and
palm readers swindle the simple minded .
but 1t would be better II We could attack
the evil 1t its root and eradicate from
humanity the credulity ana avarice which
Are Ar, q constant temptation to crime. Your
reader to her opsn-mouthed client. ut.
the purchase Of stock in the Nogood eoid
mine" Little golden-haired Enc has 3
medium. "ehs begs you to take an your
money out Of the bank and hand Il to the
gentleman who win call for e tomorrow
morning" Were tapping . new wire
and expect to make . big killfng,'' snyo
the koen-faced shark 70 the Connecf3oIrt
banker. ''Mr. Vanderbilt has Just bet =
million on the first race" Tho question
that suggests itself II how much OF the,
pubic money should be spent in DRIVING
the burnt child away from the flre and
the scalded dog from tho cold water?--
new York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20
EVENING CHIr


In certain household which know.
t tr hea6 Of the house has z way OF set
takes . view different from his own by
s.Xlng calmly. We Won't tank about r..
w sr v, ts,s about o1 ~ !. w1n.
our s dissn Gsrse
to make mo understsnd how ", you feel"-
that. IN eject !. whct a s.: e saying:
liar tack. He meets all his wifs'. attempts
TO make him see her point Of visw In the
60 out With her one evsnins AZ. Week: n she s
tells him she thinks It . good for both
Of them to mix With people at least that
home ana st into my y drss: suit every S@s
as sDEn ts but o Sc.t vss5P ss. me to
csn:t think Of any tspe q man I
one % to 81 r the
tiles which are needed to make married
PRs:. It to the ea raSss LIZ
head Of the List, and that quality II rea-
sonablene9s.
Reasonabieness is not = snowy quality:
It does not seem like q quality the Prince
Charming would need to have. But, be-
Prince me- Would long ne Ss Without
tat least not after you were married
The happIest married couple. II they be
people of any Individuality At all. must
find many subjects ON which they have
divers View points. They have been
brought up under different conditions.
they have q different heritage. and it
stands to reason that they Will not think
alike on every point
Now, this unavoidable difference may
bring unhappiness or. It may not. That
ties are equipped with the quality Of rea-
sonableness-. Ii each one ready to lay
place and try to get his Viewpoint II
either or both Of them are incapable of
doing this. Or unwilling to do 1t, the mar.
may endure but the love probably will
not. Love can live with selfishnesS.
most any quality. better than with un-
reasonAblenesg.
A sense of humor and . sense Of rea-
son and Justice are not 1t all romantic
qualities, but they make q mighty good
basis for q happy marriage.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

Disposing OF Kansas bootleggers by
killing them will not make much Of a
hit with county attorneys and deputy
attorneys general. It cuts OF the fees
that come to them for successful prose-
cution of this gentry.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

..eocrAr,TsrIC. rRAl0cn.


..s,.s .nce - eo9pls g erour9 81 "a
S.ausn ana ooe q enems the haoaca-
eocialists. = y CHARGE OF g0vexn1nen-
~ ~ c1it1 u We cnAmDer OF oepos
~ the latest move 70 form NV go
met. The other gFoup the Unlae6.eo-
10 the really eimon-pure. blown-in-tne-
bottle brand Of socialism. The latter
sort hasn't yet acquired suG1c1ont
strength to hold things down in
France, but 1ts brother. - near In
name and yet % far away in opinions.
aAairs of state. sOne OF its main lad
ere has Just been named premier. The
RAd1cal-Soc1nHeta are : not Gofn9 20
turn that country upoido doWu-uu1
Just yet Thev aro roina 70 R1ve II
ara nof n fhn ma1orifv n ~ cham-
ber a. denufiea hut "a m,ernhsrn are
sticrsn~ ~irc~s tr~~%h~r n NSS rn,rs
to - sn,.,< xSs,,~~ "a 80. !. Se,e
reason the nress6en4 innsrs - q "a
$500 s.e ~ = S r y" ~ -
TICesnt 70 20 mesn ~ g suoCSn:
thers 80 - rne,v S.orStsr.. - srss
word Ana - man. hsrnVav- .nA ~.
vav. that 49, fnSttcr 1Sssf %h@rS;. no
teliinr MAJ The nrrt 'Asv a. ~ nsrt
month NAV hrine form a tnnf lsn0 az
variable emotiona NeWs.
EARNING THEIR MONEY.
The members Of congress win earn
their money this term II they ever
did. After spending practically all Of
TINS vocation period in the special ees-
.a0n. tney nave n0W entered upon Sne
..sss1s s1Ssion Wnicn IN ~ pF0Ue-
S S.y VI. ~. unsaI tno HE,S % aoAs
month.: v.c.ts c IT, ws1i s Sus ~
::sbort. ss.s;or r IM al, cc,t,s ens
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

Senator LaFollette is devoting his
spare time to reforming that portion
Of the Republican party which can be
induced to stand still during the opera
ton.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

In the state of New York the princi-
pal contest seems to be between Boss
Murphy and Boss Barnes a. to which
can resist being reformed the longest.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

A'A~ ~ sIom Watn eoooless ana toys out
For this 4 An old s.sh!cned christm...
.r... 49,. MRS. RII4LAA CRANK
4 w r1nzas s7eeY I
SANTA Falls In Love.
By Mary Aarshall)
soft penetrating siset was faiiinx si Lea
Thorne. tust arrived from = university rs
Of scppers tha ns e o6a
out OF tho great department store Of
s1 nosns ORION ncom ns and hurried e the
'.Mr. Thorns positively can't see any
oKice. and then. as shs recoenis sd in I the
fs.sS her The name e Hr: Tnorne': - only MY
Mr.: Thorne's office unannounced.
We'll. uncle said Carter. after their
nave Wss1 cr @ nf 70 DO scssin
semetb I;Tstty busy. Can't you let me do
university e . little too good for dry
sc0ds." laughed the uncle.
sss u old to gour ., ,sd n tie
=
,, The trouble Z. you don't know the
Of his dess s sasia 1 Witch
had began TO ring. "Well. get some one
n. Nth ds sbo.s shs wire pont
asphsw ifs funny o what ps foolish 70 CUES e..
sSont Little things s snat e aGsaec con ma
sneiSysss te1sphenes me my that 19 sss fake e
A0nfA <tsouy hovy Ar>vpu 10 49, H>Ap
ment toy department has left, and 20 he
comes GO e to me about # The only thing to
How'd / do for that job7'. asked Car
what, As the manager Of employees9
encs rs rom the 1 SOtsomx ea for e
mo: Is the rake Santa Claus" said Car
ter. Il can wear beard and carry n
b. is:% s.1 ss.R ''n''n' even Il | am . fh-
It was five days before Christmas and
every day-every minute Of the day-the
crowds that thronged the basement toy
larger: It crushed and crowded and
peered into the glass cases-geod natured
IN tns MERE s
worked Girls behind the counters showed
strain. And always the center OF Of the
crowd-touring over the heads Of most Of
the buyers-stcod the fake Santa. Some
one Of the YOUNGSTERS up bodily from
requests q And Always there We We're bonbons
one was looking, santa Would slip toy
ticulsr shabby or foriorn-iooking child.
Isn't he just the dearest old man you
oee d 2, the to
old, too. I don't see how he stands It.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20
Honest Huocrites.

2Omc0b AyRSHAe<0s
John Fiske once wrote an essay en-
titled Honest Hypocrites." The ar
gument was that q hypocrite il q hy-
pocrite; but the disciples OF q hypo-
critic arc usually earnest and sincere
people and therefore honest hypo-
critics, or not hypocrites at all.
This ON the theory that after q pos
eur has posed long enough, the pose
not q poseur.
In metaphysics fakery hourishes.
The metaphysician IL q man who
believes ten times as much as he can
prove, and proves ten times al much
az any one else will believe.
He In SO profound that he concea1s
his opinions even from himself
He evolves lingo before he learns
to think.
This lingo his disciples accept and
take on, each one thinking that he.
in time. will grow to q point where he
understands what 1t means.
The lingo OF frats, Of secret socie-
ties, of cults and religious denomina-
lions IL all favored with falkery.
In art the faker has always abound
ed. The man who doematixes about
art puts his reason on the slide.
Just now there il what Is called
1.-THE Art Of the Futurists." 1t il SYM
bolic, cryptic, poetic, impressionistic.
The perpetrators pretend to know
what they mean. The fact il they do
not. They smile complacently at the
lock of Imagination possessed by hoi
polloi.
In the meantime they have hypno-
tized themselves into the belief that
they mean something. and they arc
waiting for some messiah to come and
tell them what It II.
Founders Of religion are poets who
are taken seriously.
Then tho question comes: Can q
man be an unconscious faker? And
the answer Is: He most certainly can.
Having once espoused q cause. we
are bound to maintain It. Even when
new light comes we win fight against
change.
So with the theological and medical
faker went the sartorfal faker, and we
spoke feelinely and With pride OF my
tailor
can well remember how my heart
was filed with pride when stood on
q platforms kind Of improvised
throne-and . tailor took on his coat
and made ready for great and seri-
GUS operation.
with q tape measure around his
neck and an adviser standing by he
went at me. And way back in the
sat q man with pencil In hand.
The call was given: IAN right"
and then the tape measure was put
over my manly anatomy.
1t was pleasing to my sense OF APP
probation to be thus ministered to.
The man measuring me and the man
looking ON committed from time to
time.
They called on the measurements
tbun. ~Thirty.tWo and half. TWEEN
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

It remains to be seen whether the
Utah sheriff win wait the full 5000. 900
years for Rafael Lopez to come out.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

And the warfare between the Span
iards and the Moors that began some
fourteen centuries ago il still being
continued with its usual vigor.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

A Louisiana Judge sentenced . man
to prison for ninety-nine years and q
girl for four years for the same crime.
About the usual ratio.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-20

In case his majesty ignores the APP
peal to save Mrs. Pankhurst's life. the
suffragists may have to appeal to the
lady to eat something.