The Washington herald., 1913-03-25
STA SMEN-REAL AND NEAR
By FRED c. KELLY

| Personae dramatis: Theodore Burton.
chairman Rivers and Harber Committee:
Capt. Sam Brown. Monongahela Valley
| coal magnate: star reporter, Congress
man. deck hands, Pittsburg Chamber of
Commerce, ordinary reporters. curiosity
| seekers. &c.
Time: A bright summer morning sew
| eral years ago.
Place: Capt. Browns yacht Trouba-
dour. on the Mononsahela River.
Scene /. River and harbor commission.
T. Burton. chairman, boards the Trouba-
dour. which Capt Brown has offered for
their use to inspect river improvements
Of Pittsburg. Introductions. Burton
doesn't realize that Brown Is owner OF
boat and host. besides being multi-mil-
lionaire and famous horseman.
Scene 2. IAN hour latar,. Cart. Brown
indulges In favorite amusement of re-
calling youth by plotting the boat him
self. Only the star reporter in pilot
house with him. Burton leaves other
guests and searches for adventure. He
likes to ride with the pilot. and joins
Capt. Brown and the reporter. Tells
Capt Brown plotting must be interest
ing work. Brown. realizing situation.
| throwing in many ''sirs." and forgetting
he owns both sides of the river. with
coal lands worth 1900 an acre. Capt.
Brown is so respectful that Burton talks
to him with unusual kindness. Then
conversation lags. Star reporter asks
Capt. Brown how much the horse Trou-
badour has won so far that year. oh
about s'6.5oo." says Brown. Burton
blinks. And hows old River Pirate do
tvs ty,o 1ft
ing him a rest" replies Brown; 'just put
him on my new farm at Lexington" /"
Burton suddenly seasIck. What did you
get for that last bunch OF coal land.
catpain?' asks reporter. One million.
eight hundred thousand dollars" says
Brown. Burton faints clear away. Quick
curtain.
Attorney General James c. Me.
Reynolds has an absolute horror Of
writing a letter some day and having 1t
mailed with a misplaced comma in it
He is Just that particular about all the
little details of his work. Everything
must be accurate not only in fact but
in grammar. form and punctuation. He
goes In for neatness, too. A legal docu-
ment covered with blots and scratched
out words would be nightmare to
him. When he gets ready. to flush a
it" anu NAANAii.
their only chance of escape will be to
break into his office some night and
muss up his papers to such an extent
that he will not have the heart to take
them into court.
McReynolds Is man not given to
striking statements. Whatever he says
impresscs one fo- its clean-cut common
sense rather than for its clever figures
Of speech.
Young Mr.. Joseph Patrick Tumulty.
Secretary 10 the President. gees in On
an elaborate scale for the simple life.
He aims to tuck himself in his little
bed always by I0:15. and often by $50
about the same time that the cabs and
autos are calling to take social Wash
ington out for the evening. His alarm
clock harasses the still morning air
promptly at $50. whereupon young Mr..
TumuIty cEases the ,ast remaining
fragments OF slumber from his system
by means of a cold bawth. He is not
merely one Of those cold bath liars,
You understand, but actually steps
right into the chill water like a man
of moral courage. He does everything
briskly. even to shaving and dressing.
Instead of putting on one sock and
then sitting and yawrinG and scratch
Ing MS nedn LOT twenty Hlliiutes' He PNNS
on his other sock right away, not 10
mention various other bits Of clothing.
Once dressed, he does not waste timS,
but reads a book or magazine until the
breakfast hour. when he anoints his
tunnmy with plain. substantial food. BY
o'clock he is on the Job at the White
House, meeting personally more callers
than any secretary there ever met be-
fore.
Tumulty Is n systematic worker and
insists on seeing personally every letter
that goes out He gets through the
days Job shortly before in the even
ing. Dinner at the Tunulty home Is