Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1913-05-15
Heard on the Streets
OF THE TOWN
BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN

A boys hands and girls elbows
always look as though they needed
washing
1t is hard TO make a man understand
that a swell sofa pillow should not be
used as a pillow.
One of our young bloods wants to
know why girl always closes her eyes
when she is being kissedH
/ The reason poker is called the great
American game is because the chips
are red, white and blue.
j If woman can cook q good meal
she doesn't have to hang lot of cheer
up mottos on the dining room walls.
4 Some folks are such poor sports that
they win wait till flies are plentiful, so
that they can make every swat count.
The Illinois vice commission has def
nitely locate the wages of sin" Five
dollars a week in a city department
store.
There are no averages in the Fly
SWEATERS League, but the chance to
make a hit should not be overlooked on
that account.
When a boy has new rubber coat il
never rains and when giIl has new
hat the sun won't shine for six Sun.
days after Easter.
There are lot of girls in this town
who won't embark on the sea of matri-
mony because they are afraid that the
voyage would result in squalls
A woman can live with an ornery
husband who abuses her, but she
simply can't stand husband who
won't get mad when she nags him.
The high cost of living is the best
thing that ever hit the country. There
are more corn-fed calves on the
streets this spring than ever before in
history
One of our widows who was recently
married and facing the preacher for
the second time grinned when he reach
ed the "honor-and-obey" part of the
ceremony.
Some one asserts that spring fever is
nothing but the sap stirring in us, same
as in the budding trees. Strange that
the stirring of the sap should make a
fellow lose all ambition to do any
stirring.
One of our neighboring towns has an
ordinance prohibiting all ''lovemalxing
on porches, in parks, on doorsteps, or
elsewhere within view of the public. /"
Thus another blow is aimed at cheap
amusements.
The other day Chicago girl lost two
teeth in biting foOtpad who attempted
to rob her. Next time the conversation
gets around to 'toughs" she will have
some information to OFFER for the good
of the uninitiated.
A young lady in neighboring town
refused TO marry her lover when she
discovered he had a glass eye. The eye
is very necessary to anyone about TO
be married. For with the I" out, the
pleasurable event is marred.
-
A young bride went into McCort 8
meat market the fore part OF the week
and seeing side OF spare ribs on the
counter, remarked TO the lady whom
they kept Aylophones here.
When you see girl giggline and
whispering in church 1t is a good ten to
one bet that the heels OF her stockings
have holes in them. She Is as negli-
gent about her duties at home as she Is
about her good manners in the house OF
God.
I.
What brand OF face powder would
you recommend Tor young giri %
our drug stores last saturday Inc
clerk replied Wear yeil' VIII
you young old girls never learn tnat
race powder only clogs up the wrinkles
In your racer
one Oh our lnteiilgent young men
Went nsning the otner uay anu nau
pau iuck. on nus way n nnI s 10 en- ~
tered the meat market ana said 10
the CLERK; Stanu over tnere anu shrow
me nVe OF tne Dlgsest lish; i .,U
emf wnat LOT askeu tne cl1rh' 90
can ten my Iaiaii,y ! oausne , e
may pe poor nSiieiAn Du' : IA "o
mar
- -. 80 ,.,u 49, l.
AuJDo sn aas 81 az ig I;sbtm; u and ths
nos, mser tha moor Woman has lived in