davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
HUMOR OF THE CLOTH.
GOOD STORIES THAT ARE CRED.
TIED TO PROMINENT DfvlhEs.
The Late Bishop Potter as Remark
y able for His Wit as for His EIo-
quence--ArchbisFl Maoee's
Humorous Appeal.

Probably one of the prettiest com.
pliments ever paid to the fair sex was
that contained In the answer made by
Dr. Potter, bishop of New York, who
was once asked by a lady why, In the
many pictures and studies of angels
exhibited, the angels were always
depicted either~as women or as young
men without boards or moustaches.
Everyone knows" replied the bishop,
''that women naturally inherit the
kingdom of heaven, but men only get
In by very close shave"
This story is related by the Rev.
T. Selby Henrey, vicar of st. George,
Brentford, whose little volume, enti-
tied Attic Salt" provides many an
illustration Of the fact that wit and
appreciation of humor are not tho
least prominent characteristics of lead
ing divines. He tells story of the
late DR.. Creighton, who one received
a book from second-rate author, to
whom he replied by return of post, Il
thank you very much for forwarding
to me your book, and promise you
faithfully that will not lose any time
DIN reading it,
Another gem is the story once told
by DR. Gore bishop of Oxford, at his
own expense. In Birmingham" he
said, Il once overheard two street
arabs discussing my appearance. At
last one said to the other, I tell you
what, Bill-he's Highlander what's
caught cold in his legs"
1t was Archbishop Magee who was
credited with the well-known saying
when a waiter dropped some hot soup
down his neck: SIS there any layman
present who will kindly express my
feelings?" while the following is one
of the best stories told of Archbishop
Temple. A lady of position, sitting
near him at dinner, asked him, in q
most insinuating voice: my aunt was
prevented at the last moment from
sailing in that ship which foundered
last week. Would you not, bishop,
call that a most providential inter.
position?"
Cant tell. Didn't know your aunt"
Temple said, in his characteristic,
blunt manner
There is, by the way, an amusing
clerical story in Lady Southwark's
"reminiscences, lately published. A
Somersetshire rector inquired after a
sick child who had been very i'll.
"Oh, Agnes has recovered" replied
the woman, very casually, "but"-in
heartrending accents-'Tve lost my
pig"
"Oh, how thankful you must be
that your child has been spared"
condoled the visitor
"Oh, don't know about that Lit
tie Agnes might have been a blessed
angel in heaven by now, but pigs is
a dead loss! London Tit-Bits.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
In = Pinch

A cadet officer in the Pennsylvania
Military college was reported by fac
ulty officer for language" rather a
severe mark in that austere institu-
ton. At the time appointed for the
hearing of explanations" of marks,
the offending cadet presented himself
before the commandant
We'll, sir, how did it happen that
you were guilty OK Ising improper Ian
guage while on duty?" the colonel in
quired.
Why. sir. as officer Of the day was
inspecting the guard. In handling one
of the rifles the lock snapped shut on
my finger. and it just naturally
pinched 'heli' out of me-"
Not only was the mark taken of, p
but the colonel gleefully reported to
the entire corps the cadet officers
witty explanation OF bis offenses. -Lip-
%iHcntt,s;
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
BAMBOO AS PAPER MATERIAL
Experiments Being Made With the
Hope That This Material Nav
Be Found Available.

Inventors are seeking a substitute
for the wood pulp in the manufacture
of paper. So far various methods
have been tried to produce the coarser
grades of paper from corn husks,
grass, reeds and other forms of veg
etable life, but print paper has not
yet been successfully produced from
anything except wood pulp
In the far east they are making ex-
periments with bamboo as possible
basis for the making Of pulp. Some
capitalists of the Orient have gone so
far as to establish factories in Siam,
Burma and India, but the undertaking
has not yet been altogether successful.
The great factor against the success
of the enterprise in India seems to be
the question of satisfactory and cheap
transportation.
Pulp SO far manufactured has had
the fault of being too dark in color to
bring a satisfactory price. Bamboos
most of the time so far have cost $341
gold a ton. Little of the product so
A1SA Aebo NOCA oOAQ, Jul C1lup1SS SUI
mitted in London indicate that the
company may receive as high as $58.27
gold ton. The maximum output of
the factory SO far has not exceeded
half of the original expectation of IS
tons of pulp day, but it is now ex-
pected that with small addition to
the plant a normal output of IL tons
can be maintained and that this rate
may be exceeded in time. with COM
paratively little additional expense.
The critical feature of the entire
enterprise seems to be in the matter
of bleaching the pulp. Experts claim
for bamboo pulp certain advantages,
among which is the fact that bamboo
pulp can be had in parts of the world
where other pulp materials are not to
be had; it produces a fine pulp which
felts readily and produces a thick
opaque paper of greater thickness
than usual for its weight, making it
especially suitable for particular va
rieties of paper; the fine flexible fiber
is easily digested by the ordinary BIZ
sulphide process and the bamboo can
readily be handled mechanically and
chemically.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
But This Wasn't Mamma.

A little boy, visiting his grandmoth-
er, asked for favor which was re-
fused. Tears and loud wailing fol-
lowed, but in vain. BY and by the
little fellow looked UP with petulance.
Il think it's about time you changed
your mind. grandma" he exclaimed
1T never takes mamma SO long to
do it when cry like this
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
Eve Not q Suffrauisf.

"A woman ought to stay at home at
tending to the dinner said the man
who resents present tendencies.
No. replied Mr.. Meekton, ethat's,
where the human race made its first
great mistake. IL Eve had been out
lecturing instead of passing round
the fruit, we'd have been spared an
immense amount of trouble. Fix
change.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
MONEY GOES TOSTATE
In Four Months State Box
ing Commission Made
Almost $5,OOO.OOa
GAN IS TIED TO MCFARLAND

Boxing fans in Kenosha have begun
to see the beauty of the Wisconsin
State Boxing Commission bill, as the
report of the first four months shows
that the state has pulled down profit
from the various shows in sum to ex-
coed $4,000 and it is declared with the
White-W olgast fight scheduled for next
Friday night the profits of the state
from the commission will reach $1,000
thus far. 1t will be seen that the pro-
fits of the shows have gone into the
state treasury rather than into the
pockets of the men who have promoted
the shows. Like none of the other COM
missions the boxing commission is prov
ing meal ticket for the state. 1t is an
open secret that the shows given in
Kenosha under commission rule have
not proved profitable for the promoters.
One club in Racine has practically
given up efforts to stage shows and
John Wagner s club has had just one
show in which there was balance af-
ter the fighters were settled with. It
is said that q couple of the Milwaukee
promoters have managed to break even.
On the Mcfarland fight of week ago
there was little profit for the promo
tiers. In other cities the shows are said
to have been put on at loss.
The state boxing commission put an
end to Packey Mcfarland getting any
easy money in Wisconsin on Tuesday
when it gave Mcfarland suspension
Of a year This means that Wisconsin
boxing fans will not be bothered with
the smile of Packey for whole year
and if he gets easy money about Chi
cago he will have to find a happy hunt
ing ground down in the sand hills of
Northern Indiana. Tfeing the can to
Mcfarland is the most popular thing
that the commission has done thus far.
Mcfarland was suspended for
breaking section u of chapter 632 of
the laws of Wisconsin for 1913, - said
Walter H. Liginger, chairman of the
commission. "He put up wretched
exhibition, and it was apparent to
every member of the commission, all
of whom were at the ringside, that he
was stalling and not trying. He sham
med throughout the bout and disgusted
the patrons of boxing at the show,
some of whom had come a great dis
lance to see the bout. These boxers
who break the rules Of this commission
will probably be careful after this.
The state of Wisconsin is running the
boxing game in this state
The section under which Mcfarland
was suspended follows:
ANY contestant who shall partici.
pate in any sham or fake boxing or
sparring match shall be penaliaed in
the following manner: For the first Of
Tense he shall be restrained for a period
of one year, such period to begin im-
mediately after the occurrence of such
offense, from participating in any box
ing bout to be held or given by any
club or corporation duly licensed to
give or hold such boxing or sparring
match or exhibition; for a second Of
Tense he shall be totally disqualified
from further admission or participation
in any boxing contest held or given by
any club, corporation or association
duly licensed for such purpose in this
state. -
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
Cynics in Politics.

A new York reformer said at a din
ner:
1--WE have no use for the cynic-no
use for the man who, having been
asked to define the word .reformer,
said:
Reformer? Oh. he's chap who
failed to get an Office out Of either
party"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
Futile Reoret.

II sometimes wish the beautiful
star petulantly said. that had never
become an actress"
Don't fret, replied the manager,
who was becoming weary Of hsr. you
never did" i
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
ia large attendance and the whole af


ia large attendance and the whole af-
fair was success The ladies know
that advertising pays, and they patron
lied the pages of the Review literally
with their announcements. The WON
en- that made the chicken pies were on
the job with both feet and their hats
on and the fried cake and bean artists
produced an article that tasted more
ish. There was big bunch of young
sters present and when they got &C.
tion on the chicken pie and other
''fixens" the food disappeared like wa
( ter down badger hole. The finan-
lcia1 end of the dinner produced the
sum of S165.50 in cash. There is no
disputing the fact that when the La
dies Aid of Buffalo squares away to do
things they do them.--Buffale (Mont.)
Review.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
Thirst Strika-

Her Husband-We shall see you
'Gngerstrikin' next time, Sal.
His Wife-Ho. no, not 'unger-a
thirst strike now, that's me; dream
ily) an then p'raps they'd forcible
drink ahi-London Sketch. /
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
NOTICE.

The annual meeting of the stock
holders Of the Old Settlers Club of
Kenosha county, will be held at Ke-
nosha in the court house at 10 a. M,
Saturday, Dec. 81, 1913, for the transac-
tion Of any business that may come be-
fore the club at that time. All come.
w35adv G. M. Bishop, Secy.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
Greenland,s Glaciers.

Greenland glaciers average 1000
feet in thickness. move so feet day,
and discharge into the sea four square
miles of ice yearly, 1000 feet thick.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
DEFFRY AND ROBINSON WIN TWO.
Defeat the Black Cats at the Ward and
Hermann Alleys Tuesday Night.

The Deffry and Robinson team took
the odd game from the Black Cats on
Tuesday night. j. Cantwell with 223
had the high score of the evening. Fhe
scores follow:
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
PAINTING the LlIv.

Uncle Amos SEE: You kin paint
Their lily jes' by slippin' ON a pair of
silk stockings. -Judge.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
AUCTIoNEER.

Years of experience. I know the val
ues and know how to get them. P. B.
Johnson, Zion City, I'll, Phone
HIM. advw41
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
Dinner Evidently Was = Success.

The Ladies Aid Of Buffalo gave
big chicken pie dinner at the sale in
Shells hall last Saturday. There was
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1913-12-18
Must Prove Their WORT

No matter how many good ideas
you have. your worth is measured by
those you carry out,
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1913-04-19
OCEANIC NOMENCLATURE.

Secretary Of the Nays Daniels having abol-
ished the use of "starboard" and port on Amer
lean war vessels substituting right and left e
we may look for further changes Sailors. in.
stead of being ordered aloft or below, will be
instructed. or requested, to go upstairs or down.
stairs We will have no more bow or stern or
forward abaft but it will bo up front" and
back yonder." The focasI will be the young
gentlemens room and the cabins our apartments.
We are to extract the flavor of the sea from the
navy as far possible, so that the institution
may he popularized and its traditional language
ineligible in the prairie country and the noun.
tain section OF North Carolina
II in the course of time and progressiveness,
reform and change We have all the newspapers
under government control and a secretary OF
journalism, perhaps he will order similar
changes In our line We will be instructed to
speak Of "pi' as types in a condition Of CON
fusion and when we want to order somebody
to Kill an article we will be required 10 request
that Secretary Daniels great speech on the
relations Of the Delaying pin to the election Of
nted States senator's by the people be removed
and the types containing it placed in the melting
pot Some fancy and dignifed name will be
devised for the hell box and the boneyard will
have title Of its own, ponderous descriptive
and solemn.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1913-04-19
CAUTIOUS, BUT FAIR.

So far the relations of DR.. Friedman with
the medical officers of the United States gov
eminent have been marked by dignity discre-
ton and evidences of good faith on both sides
The army doctors have refused to accept off
hand the supposed cure for consumption or to
lose their heads over the beautiful and vast hopes
it suggests. They have been exactly fair They
have asked practical tests and demonstrations
on terms and conditions satisfying to science
They have given the German fun opportunity
TO show and prove what he can do. Or. Fried.
mann, for his part, has not finched He has
met the demands readily and checrfuly The
facts SO far developed show that he is willing
TO stake his reputation and fortune on the re-
Suits Of actual use Of his serum on living tuber-
culosis patients shown after lapse of time
enough TO show whether he really cures.
This is satisfactory to the American public
Or. Friedman has been given and is being
given full and fair opportunity to show what
he can do and is acting fairly and frankly The
delay s harrowng TO the thousands of tuber-
cuosjs sfetfms and their friends waiting with
schcning and feyerish anxiety from day to day
for developments, for the verdict that win mean
for them hope or despair, life death, AS if a
great battle. involving the fate of the country,
VAS being fought and the people were waiting
tense and strained for news of il, so this one
man is being watched from day to day, with
his small and simple instruments he injects
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1913-04-19
A Correction and An
Answer

The Richmond Virginian says that Colonel
w. {. Pendleton long veteran Republican
leader and editor of Southwest Virginia, is re-
ported to have become a Democrat and to de-
sign the establishment Of a Democratic news
pa per.--Newport News Press.
the Richmond Virginia was mistaken. Colo
mel Pendleton teegraphs that he Is inde-
pendent as ever. and has no intention Of becom-
ing Democrat.
The Press then goes on TO say:
WHATS the use? We nominate Colonel PEN
dleton to he associate editor with Colonel Al
fred r. Williams Of the Roanoke Times, and
associate contributing editor of the Richmond
Nirginian. The place is obvious that are
almost ashamed TO suggest it"
It may be obvious as our friend says, hut
what is it that is obvious Richmond Nir-
gilman.
Why, the consolidation Of the brainworks Of
these two editors, of course Is it possible that
our Richmond friend has failed 70 observe the
brilliant writings that each of these editors has
inspired In the other?-Newport News Press.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1913-04-19
Full

Mr. w. w Routtcn. OF Norfolk, was
the guest OF Mr.. and Mrs. r.. Nielsen
this week
Mr.. Raymond Hansen. Of Philadel-
phia; Is the guest Of his uncle. Mr..
Lewis Hansen, on the Government road
The Kings Daughters will meet next
tuesday afternoon at 1 O'Clock with
Mrs. $. r. Names on Seventh street
Mrs. Henry Hin continues i'll in her
nome on Louisiana street.
The Ladies auxiliary OF Dennv-
street church, will hold their meet
ing next Monday afternoon AT a
o'clock in the Sunday school room
of the church.
Mr., Beverly Williams is quite slck
IN the home OF his sister, Mrs Lewis
Hansen. on the Government road
The infant child OF Mr.. and Mrs
Kelley. OF Louisiana street died Last
sunday morning, and was buried frGn,
the home on Monday morning Inter.
ment in lakewood cemtery.
Mrs. Willie Martin. who has haar
quite III. is able to be out again.
Mr.. Robert Clark. of Center straa.
was badly injured at the Locomotive
works this week. He was taken tn
the hospital for treatment
The revival services which have
been going on for the past three
weeks in Denny Street church. viii
continue through next week So fsr
there have been ejghty-seven con-
versions.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1913-04-19
CURRENT COMMENT


The only sensible though unequally re-
liable, methods of knowing what the weather
is going to be are:
|. Getting the official forecast Of The United
States weather bureau.
Reading the barometer and noting the wind
3. Observing existing conditions of the
weather and drawing differences based upon ex-
perience.
Each Of these methods may, Of course. be
used To the exclusion Of or in conjunction
with. either or both of the others. However.
since the information received by the weather
bureau necessarily is limited and since IL is
impraeticable to make hourly forecasts for In
diVidual farms and villages. it manifestly Is
best to use II possible, all three al the same
time: The official forecast for knowledge 81
the type Of weather to be expected on the NOR
row. the barometer and wind direction for evi-
aehces OF rapid changes, ana of what the
weather may be in very few hours and finally
the weather signs. of the kind above explained
for Indications Of what the weather probably
VIII he during at least the next hour or two
IN short use the weather bureau, use your
barometer. and use your experience too Bur
above all. use your own good sense and never
accept any forecast that hasn't an InteIlicthIc
reason back Of it,-Chief w. l. Moore. Of United
states weather bureau, in the Progressive
Farmer.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1913-04-19
With the State Press
Dollar Diplomacy.

President Wilson admits that he has been Sc
rously embarrassed in fllinf the parts of for
eign ambassadors because it requires such
sacrifice of time. money and opportunity for
men of ordinary means to accept one of these
appointments At least five of the men to whom
he has rendered these Offices have refused be-
cause the salaries inadequate and their pr-
deficiency. 1t has been the experience of diplo-
mats filling the posts Of ambassador to Great
Britain, France, Germany, Austria Russia and
Italy that il requires least four times the
salary provided TO meet the expenditures that
seem to be necessary. The item OF rent alone
takes about half the amount. because it would
hardly be hitting TO house the greatest nation 8
bassy in a shabby structure on a back street
and rents of fine houses fine streets in the
capitals or Europe are OF course. high lust
as they are in any large city in this country
This is bad state of affairs and not at an
consistent with the foundation or Intention
OF our government. Not that it Is necessa nv.
Tor our foreign representative to Guido the for
eign nations IN pomp and display for it has
always been their custom to accompany all
state or near-statc functions with expensive
ceremonies nor is ii consistent with our plan
OF government to pay princelN salaries. but when
such men as Mr. Charles w. Eliot Dean Fine
ana Dr. John r. Mott decline 10 accept these
funds IL is time something was done TO balance
the situation. Congress furnish suitable
quarters for our representatives without com
nnttng themselves to policy not consistent
with "Jeftersonian simplicity" and they might
even advance the salaries slightly without fear
Of criticism for in his letter to John jaw and
President Madison in 1883 jefferson states that
his expenditures exceeded twenty thousand dol
lars the first year of his residence in Paris
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1913-04-19
RICHMOND ROTARY
CLUB IS ORGANIZED
OF BUSINESS AND
PROFESSIONAL MEN FOR BET
TERNiENT OF MEMBERS.

The Richmond Rotary club was or
gained at 1 O'Clock yesterday after
noon at the Business Mems club, with
a membership of sixty men. The club
IS for the purpose of encouraging high
ethical standards in The business and
professions TO increase the efficiency
Of members by the interchange Of
ideas. and to quicken the interest Of
members in the welfare Of the COM
nunity,
The officers chosen are as follows
John O. Corley was elected as pres
ident; George W. Bahlke, vice-presi
dent, Samuel S. Rosendorf. secretary.
W ". Miller. treasurer. a. NJ. Pull
len, registrar and statistician, w. L.
Morgan sergeant alarms.
These officers. associated with the
following, compose the executive COM
mittee:
Henry w Rountree, Thomas n.
McAdams, Fl. S. Bloomherg Horace
f. Smith John Baghy. Charles Rose,
Moses Thalhimer.