davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01
Let Us Talk 1t
Over

Well, lear sinner friends, this 10
The Fool Killer.
How does it set on your stomach?
If you like it, you can get more at
headquarters. =
The Fool-Killer is not even a forty
Eleventh cousin to any other paper on
earth.
It stands in a class by itself, and
its field is as broad as the English
language.
This paper wears no bell, muzzle,
collar MOI halter.
You can put that down to start with.
T am the fellow who works at the
p%ump-handle on this pungent period
ical of thrilling thought. I print only
what I write; I write only what |
think; and I think what doggon
please.
I own this entire establishment,
and Rockefeller isn't rich enough to
buy one share of it.
Does that sound strange?
Well, bless your soul, 1 am a great
deal richer than old John.
/ never travelled any to speak of,
but I have read a great deal, and have
thunk some.
I have also writ a few books which
L know are great, because they don't
sell worth a cent.
Great'books never do.
And then I started The Fool-Killer,
lust to quiet my nerves and keep the
old press from getting rusty.
From the seclusion of these wooded
hills there will go forth each month
q bundle Of literary dynamite that
will shake the rotten foundations OF
society and cause the Church of Nam
mon to at least urn over in it's sleep
The Fool-Killer is a monthly mus
tard-plaster for the blood-boils Of
Society, Church and State.
It is sailed with wit, peppered with
humor and seasoned with sarcasm
Every line cuts like a whip, anc
every word raises a blister. -:
If you are a fool you had better mo-
subscribe for The FOOl-Killer. L
you are wise you will. And so tina
settles it.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01
The Foolish Dictionary.

Afterthought-A tardy sense
Of prudence that prompts a TEL
low to shut his mouth about
the time he puts his foot in it.
Appendicitis A modern pain,
costing about $500 more than the
old-fashioned stomach-ache.
Accidental condition Of affairs
in which presence Of mind is
good, but absence of body is
better.
Bicycle Skirt-An abbreviated
garment that makes women look
shorter and men longer.
Bigamy-A form Of insanity in
which a man insists on paying
three board bills instead Of two.
BorroW-To swap hot air for
cold coin. =
Brass Banda clever but
somewhat complicated arrange
ment for holding a crowd to-
gether.
Cannibal-A heather hobo who
never works, but lives on other
people.
Caulihower-A cabbage with a
college education.
Conscience-The fear of being
found out.
Diplomat-An international
liar, with an elastic conscience
and a rubber neck.
Echo-The only thing that can
cheat a woman out of the last
word.
Fly-screen-An arrangement
for keeping flies in the house.
Hammock-A popular con-
trivance by which l~ove-making
may be suspended and still go on.
Jury-TWelve men chosen to
decide who has the best lawyer.
Mine-A hole in the ground
owned by a liar.
Mosquito-A small insect de-
signed by God to make us have a
better opinion of flies.
Religion-A cioakused by some
persons in this world who will be
warm enough without one in the
next.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01
GOODBYE, TOMMIE.

r 2, Robbinsdaie, Mimi.
The Fool-Kilier,
Plees not sen more paper too NEE,
becose l am goen away.
Your trouly
Tom E. Thompson.
Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo! This is so
unexpected, as the old maid said
when the bachelor popped the
question. I shall lot attempt to
conceal the awful shock Of pain
and disappointment which the
above letter brings to me. Is it
possible that Tommy is actually
"goen away?' How sad! And he
don't say a word about ever
coming back. II he. had said
where he was 'goen" I might at
least have hoped to hear from
him, but he don't even tell me
that. Who could blame me4for
feeling sad and disappointed? |
never dreamed that my dear
Tommy would treat me that way.
Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

Don't wait for appendicitis
before having the appendix re-
moved, 'says a Chicago surgeon.
Now a dentist ought to come for
ward and advocate the extraction
Of healthy teeth, because they
might ache some day.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

! Helen Keller, the famous deaf,
dumb and blind girl, has learned
how to talk. Now if the working
Teller would just learn how to
vote it would look like WE were
getting along some.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

Every man is in favor Of a
tariff if it enables him to rob the
other Teller; but if it lets the
other teller rob him he is oppos-
ed to it. That is the long and
short of the tariff question as it
always has been and always will
be. So why say any more about
it?
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

An eminent fyologist has
handed out the information that
a single fly in April will produce
1900, 900, 900 flies in September.
Golly, if single fly can do that,
amt it perfectly awful to think
what a married fly could do?
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

In Bible times, when Baalam's
ass spoke, it was a miracle; butin
these days the greatest asses we
have are the biggest takers.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

A pie-hungry politician elocut-
ing about saving the country
reminds me of an old cat want
ing to stand guard over the milk
jar.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

Joe Smith, president of the
Mormon Church, is looking for
a new revelation from heaven.
Well, I guess he needs it.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

The ancients didn't have The
Fool-Kilier to read. It makes me
sorry for them every time | think
about it.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

If DR.. Friedman had brought
over a brand-neW religion he
would have been on easy street
by this time.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

Yes, sir, let's give the women
a whack at the ballot, and if they
don't vote with any more sense
than the men, | move that we
disfranchise the whole human
race and let the horses do the
voting.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

Don't be deceived by appear
ances-some of the loudest crows
you hear at four o'clock in the
morning come from common
scrub ROSTERS.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

The blind population of Amer
lea is said to be 100, 900. If you
include those who are politically
blind the number will be much
larger than that.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

The sexton of the political
graveyard might as we'll begin
digging another hole beside the
Elephant. The Donk will soon be
ready for it.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

The Hornet has an article
headed, "The Democratic Aug
err" | was afraid it would ''bore''
me, as Democratic rot usually
does, and so | didn't read it.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

If a man from Michigan is a
Michigander, | wonder if a wo-
man from that State is a Michi-
goose?
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

If you have no family tree
you might try branching out for
yourself.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

When saloon keepers begin to
talk temperance, there is some
thing brewing.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

The mills are beginning to stop.
What about it, Mister Wilsonite?
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

The loafer's idea of pleasure
is to watch other men work.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

Statement of the Ownership,
Management, Etc,
Of The Fool-Killer, published monthly
at Moravian Falls, n. c., required by
the Act of August "a, 1912.
Editor, J. L. Pearson, Moravian Falls,
n. @.
Bus. Mgr,
Publisher,
J. L. PEARSON, Editor.
Sworn to and subscribed before me
this Both day of September, 1912.
J. r. PARLIER, j. z.
My commission expires April, 1913.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

Now is the time to remember
old Grover.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01
EDITORIALS.

Fine feathers make fine feather
beds.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

Entered as second class matter
March 80, 1910, at the postoflce at
Moravian Falls, N. c., under the act
Of March 8, 1879.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

One year to your heart, rs Cents.
In clubs of Five or More, Is Cents.
The fool-killer., 1913-05-01

The loafer's idea of pleasure
is to watch other men work.
The mills are beginning to stop.
What about it, Mister Wilsonite?
If you have no family tree
you might try branching out for
yourself.
When saloon keepers begin to
talk temperance, there is some
thing brewing.
If a man from Michigan is a
Michigander, | wonder if a wo-
man from that State is a Michi-
goose?
If DR.. friedman had brought
over a brand-neW religion he
would have been on easy street
by this time.
The ancients didn't have The
Fool-Killer to read. It makes me
sorry for them every time [ think
about it.
Joe Smith, president Of the
Mormon Church, is looking for
a new revelation from heaven.
Well, I guess he needs it.
In Bible times, when Baalam's
ass spoke, it was a miracle; butin
these days the greatest asses we
have are the biggest takers.
A pie-hungry politician elocut-
ing about Saving the country
reminds me of an old cat want
ing to stand guard over the milk
jar.
The sexton of the political
graveyard might as we'll begin
digging another hole beside the
Elephant. The Donk will soon be
ready for it.
Don't be deceived by appear
ances-some of the loudest crows
you hear at four o'clock in the
morning come from common
scrub ROSTERS.
The blind population of Amer.
lea is said to be 100, 900. If you
include those who are politically
blind the number will be much
larger than that.
The Hornet has an article
headed, "The Democratic Aug.
err" | was afraid it would bore
me, as Democratic rot Usually
does, and so I didn't read it.
Ho1or K.ol1o,. +bo foyoo,o lof
The broad ax., 1913-01-18

The following address was delivered
by Attorney Walter NJ. Farmer last
Sunday afternoon before the Literary
Society at Bethel Church:
We have reached the age Of stern
realities of stubborn facts. Men have
ceased to spin beautiful theories
through which and by which to shape
ultimate action. Their actions today
are directed by altogether different in
iuences. Mans inordinate commercial
greed and race prejudice have changed
the perspective through which he views
his relation to his fellows. There was
a time when the American people sub
scribed to the doctrine that govern
ments are instituted among men de-
irving their just powers from the con-
sent of the governed. But today they
believe that Governments are institut-
ed among men deriving their powers
from the will Of the powerful. There
was a time when they believed that all
men are created equal, but that was
when his views Of his relation to his
fellows was decidedly simple and Just
and the Negro had not entered into
the equation The Negro had not at
that time become a freemen, aspired to
manhood's estate nor had he demon
strated his ability to assimilate eau
easian civilization and to keep abreast
with American progress.
Strange as it may seem this remark
able feat alone was sufficient to arouse
the bitter antagonism of the leading
statesmen Of America, such as Tillman,
Vardaman, ct al. owe no apology
for calling these men the leading
statesmen of the country. For no one
will deny that these men have more
in forcing their views of the
Negro on the American people and
on the world for that matter, than all
the other statesmen North, West and
East combined. The pendulum seems
10 have swung back, and it looks as If !
liberty was about to suffer defeat. But !
liberty knows no defeat. Victory is
he only motto inscribed on her ban
lers.
The defeat of the British at the bat
lie of Beuvines in 1914 gave to the
English people the. great charter.
Though the Continental forces suffered
lefeat at Bunker Hill still American
dates from that battle.
The broad ax., 1913-01-18

plores, "Deelare to me O'Muse tn,
cause by which the Diety being offend
ed, by what the Queen of Heaven be
ing provoked, to drive a man Of dis
tinguished piety to struggle with 81
many ealanities, to encounter so many
hsrdshipsi' And yet Aeneas reached
Itaiy and founded Rome that sat oil
her seven hills and from her throne
Of beauty ruled the world.
Aye, the redemption of man from sir
the salvation of the world was dearly
purchased. The ascent of Calvary Z
brow is stained with blood and tears
The course Of civilization and progress
is not strewn with flowers and scented
with the fragrance of the violet and
the rose. No it is marked with fallen
Empires, broken oats, PROSTATE forms
and seas Of blood. Such is the record
of mans struggle upward from the
Garden of Eden. There is no royal
road to success, Any race or people
that expects to attain any enduring
and permanent success without eneoun-
tering these tests, expects what never
was and never will be. strongly sus-
peet that my race has INDUCED the de-
fusion that some how we are going 10
be able to contribute our part to the
worlds achievements without eneOun-
tering the same or similar difficulties
and besetments that have confronted
other races in their march Of pro
gress. That if we became the victims
of some dire ealamities, all we had to
do was to call on the Lord or the
other fellow and We would be delivered
out of our troubles. We should be
by this time that we have
been merely indulging the "illusions
Of hope" For we have called on the
Lord and have been answered out Of
the whirlwind, "Stsnd on thy feet and
grit up thy loins like a man." We
have called on the other fellow and
he has answered US by binding the fet-
ters more tightly about our limbs. Be
not deceived any longer my friends.
Let us find some wholesome suggestion,
some guiding influence in these
thoughtful words of Casius to Brutus:
Men at some times are masters of
heir fates. The fault, dear Brutus
IS not in our stars but in ourselves.
hat we are undlings."
Liberty and progress are insepera-
The broad ax., 1913-01-18
NzGRo PROGRESS IN PITY.
YRARa.

During the past fifty years there has
been-a rapid increase in the wealth of
the NsgrOes Of the South. This in
crease has been especially marked in
the past ten years, during which time
the valne Of the domestic animals
which they own increased from sss.-
S16ssz to $177,9zs ,7s5, or lO7 per
cent; POULTRY from sass, ZOE to Ss..
1lS,75a or IS Per cent; Implements ana
nAehinsEy from $ls, 5S6,205 70 1851
Ss14lS q 9s per cent; land and build
ings from teo,6ss, 40 to Sszs, sol, 6ss,
or % Per cent. From 1900 to 1910 the
total value Of farm property owned by
the Colered farmers Of the South in
creased frOm Eli, 4Ozy ess 70 Ssoa, sOs.
21s, Or AZ Per cent
In 1855 The total wealth Of the
Negroes Of this sountEy wns AbOut go.
100000. New the total wsalth i over
szoaooooO0. No OtAsr suaasipstsd
peepls have made 20 srest q progress
IN 20 short q time. The Russian ssrfs
The broad ax., 1913-01-18

were emancipated in 1861. Fifty years
after it was found that 10000 900 of
them had accumulated about $500, 0OO,-
900 worth Of property or about $50 per
capita, an average Of $500 per family.
Fifty years after their emancipation
only about 80 per cent Of the Russian
peasants were able to read and write.
After fifty years of freedom the ten
million Negroes in the United States
have accumulated over 100000, 900
worth Of property, or about SO per
capita, which is an average Of $3.50
per family. After fifty years Of free
dom 20 per cePt of them have some ed
ucatiOn in books.-Southern Workman.
The broad ax., 1913-01-18

The Union forces were ignominiously
defeated at Bulls Run and retreased in
.disgraee and diskonor, universal Lib
erty for the Ameriean continent dates
from the battle 1Of Bulls Bun.
Il il the inexorabIe law Of fate that
man shan not stain and enjoy any
great and lasting blessing without en-
eouztsring many hardShips and suffer
ing many diMe1ltis. Virgil W1S struck
with ave when he behsld in rstrospeet
the trying ordsas ana severe teSts
through which Aensas was forced TO
pass before lie reached ItGIy and i'm
The broad ax., 1913-01-18
LIVE STOCK BREEDERS MEETING
Annual Convention At Springfield, m,
February 4th to 9Th, 1918.

Farmers and live stock breeders OF
Illinois are anticipating a happy and
instructive time at the 18th annual
meeting of the Illinois Live Stocl
Breeders Association to be held in
Springfield, February 4th, to 9Th
Among the great attractions, will b
the great stock judging contest, il
which many farmers and farmers son:
will compete for certificates as expert
judges and for the many prizes that
will be given away.
Prominent among the speakers who
viii address this convention is DR.. Wal
ter Williams, Dean of the School OF
Journalism Of the University of Mis-,
souri,, whose subject will be "On the
Skyline of the State" DR.. Williams
is recognized as Americas foremost
man in his line. he has been president
Of the Missouri Press Association, pres
ident of the National Editorial Asso-
citation, president for North America
at the International Press Congress
held at Berne, Switzerland. He was
organizer and secretary of the World Is
Press Parliament at st. Louis in 1904,
and commissioner to the foreign press
for the st. Louis Exposition in 1904,
and travelled in Africa, Asia and Eu-
rope in the interest of the exposition.
DR.. NJ. Dorset, of Washington, D.
c., viii address the session Of the Hog
Breeders Association on February 5th
on Legislation with Reference to Hog
Cholera"
DR.. Dorset is chief of the Bio-ehemic
division of the Bureau of Animal In
dustry, and is the originator of the
method Of obtaining hog cholera serum
now employed so extensively.
The first session of the convention
will meet at nine O'Clock a. m, Feb
ruary 4th and viii be in charge of the
Illinois Cattle Breeders Association;
the afternoon program of the same
day viii be in charge of the Illinois
Horse Breeders Association, and in the
evening, Dr.. Williams will speak.
On Wednesday morning, February
5th, the Illinois Sheep Breeders Associ-
alton and the Illinois Cattle Breeders
Association will give the program, and
on the afternoon Of that day, the nli-
nois Swine Breeders Association will
be in charge Of the session.
On Wednesday evening, February
5th viii be held the annual banquet,
which is the great social feature and
good fellowship meeting Of the conven-
ton.
Thursday, February 9Th, is set aside
for the annual stock judging contest
for expert judges certificates. Hun
dreds Of dollars worth of valuable
prizes will be given away to Illinois
farmers and stoekmen who show pro-
fciency in judging one kind Of live
stock, viz: horses, sheep, beef cattle,
dairy cattle, or swine.
Copies Of the proceedings of the last
annual meeting may be had upon APP
pheation to Sidney B. Smith, Secretary,
Springfield, Ill.
The broad ax., 1913-01-18
DIR. THEo. 3. MozEE MOVES INTO
H1s NEW UP-To-DATE AND MOD
ERIN DENTAL PARLoRs.

DR.. Theo. R. Mozee, who has for some
years conducted very modest dental
rooms at AIS State street; all the time
saving his money in addition to get
ting married to Miss Cecilia johnson
last summer and setting up house
keeping in the ffty-seeond block on
Wabash avenue; has succeeded in be-
ing able in a financial way, to recently
move into his new dental parlors at
400 State street, which win compare
more than f&VOrably with the best ap-
pointed dsRId parlors In any section of
Chicago.
his quarters being entirely new, up
tO-date and modern and absolutely san
itary in every particular. His fur
nishings are ali new and are the very
latest designs used in, dental parlors,
including his tools and other instru.
ments, which are al highly stsriiized,
and fumAgated night and day.
In extrseting teeth, oxygen is ad-
ministerede which Is q new feature for
al dental 'operstions which, ere abso-
lutely painless. e.
Dr.. MOsee makes q speciality Of Arst
class crown; and bridge work; the east
gold inlay and porcelain inlay and it
should be source Of much pleasure
for any one to visit his richly and ele-
The broad ax., 1913-01-18

seat Of reason and man becomes q mis-
cradle slaveA It was for liberty that
Arnold Winkleried elasped to his
breast hundred Austrian spears. II
bic. II is imPOssibls for man to make
progress without the blessings Of lib
erty. As liberty i the natural right
OF every man, 20 progress is the nat
ural eoneomitant Of mans struggles.
Il il no wonder then that man In every
age and in every cline has been viii
ing to saerihee % mneh for hberty,
for without liberty, ambition Is dead,
aspirstiOn Is limited, renOss takes the
The broad ax., 1913-01-18
lsosFOd - Socon6-Gass lEattsr A1E. n
~ at The Post 01c9 &C Chicago. minois
1101R Aet e Aaneh q 1Gh
TusKEaEE NEaRo coNFRENcE

TUsKEGEE NEGRO CONFERENCE
Tuskegee, Ala, Jan. II, 1913 Gag
ricultural Credit" and Finances OF
the Negro Public SCHOOL, will be tn,
two principal topics of discussion at the
twenty-seeond annual Negro Farmers
Conference, to be held at the Tuskegee
Institute, Tuskegee, Alabama, on Wed
nesdsy and Thursday, January 22nd
and 23rd.
The first days conference will be
given over to the Negro farmers. As
stated in the program, the subject for
discussion is Chow to Secure Cheaper
Money for Running the Farm" This
puts the problem of agricultural cred.
it in terms that the Negro farmer un.
derstands and is interested in. Repre-
sentative Negro farmers from Georgia,
Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana and
Arkansas viii describe the present con-
ditiOn Of the Negro farmer in the
states from which they come and the
present methods of obtaining loans,
rates Of interest and so forth. Indi-
vidual farmers will tell how they have
succeeded in reducing the principal and
rates Of interest upon their yearly
loans.
r. L. Smith, of Waco, Texas, who is
the head Of a Negro Farmers Coop
erative Association in that state which
has established a bank, will discuss
the subject Of Cooperative Credit and
the success Of the Texas farmers in cut
ting down the item Of interests in the
farmers annual budget.
Charles Banks, cashier of the Bank
of Mound Bayou, Mississippi, which
supplies large share of the funds nee
essay to conduct the agricultural op-
erstiOns Of the farming community of
which the little Negro town of Mound
Bayou is the center, VIII discuss the
question from the point of view Of the
man who makes the loans.
One of the features of the days' pro-
ceedings win be the exhibits showing
some Of the results Of the Demonstra.
tion Turning Work being done in the
several counties adjoining Tuskegee In
stItuse where the demonstration meth
cd Of teaching farmers has been in Cd
Grafton. The reports Of the demonstra-
ton agents viii be followed by dis
fributioa Of prizes to the corn clubs
Organized and conducted in these
counties.
The second days. session of the Con-
ference is the meeting of teachers,
principals, school trustees and others
actively interested in school work. The
subject for discussion, as stated by the
program committee, is Chow to Secure
More Money for the Public School. -
Teachers and principals of schools in
mississippi Tennessee, Alabama and
ieorgia viii describe the present condi-
hon Of the schools in their home COM
and the various means en-
9loyed by the county school teachers
% secure the interest Of White plant
rs, county school superintendents and
'thers in meeting the needs of the Ne
20 schools. They viii also report upon
he extent to which the Negro farmers
ire taxing themselves in order to i'm
prove the school buildings and length
N the school terms in different local (
1t is expected that Representatives
If the Anna 7. Jeanes Fund, for the
Improvement Of Negro rural schools,
md also the new State Supervisor of
Negro public schools in Alabama win Ii
peak at this conference session.
The broad ax., 1913-01-18

Major = A Dsnison il in washing
ton, D. c. On ofReial business. BE win
return home Monday norning.
The broad ax., 1913-01-18
Logical and Eloquent
Address Delivered by
Attorney Walter M
Farmer

BEFORE LITERARY BETHEL
IT Is OF THOUGHTFUL
SHOULD BE CAREFULLY INTERESTED
POLITICAL PROGRESS AFRoAAhER-
ICAN RACE
The Harlowton news., 1913-04-04
FISCAL YEAR EXPIRES.

Last Sunday night the first fiscal
year of the Presbyterian church
came to an end. Rev. Klemme
gave brief review of the last
years work, also outlining plans
for the future year. The church
has increased its membership six
fold and $1,000 has been raised in
the last ten months. The outlook
for the coming year is exceedingly
bright and encouraging. A little
social meeting after the service
made all feel better acquainted
with one another and the congre
CATION enters into it's new year o1
activity with enthusiasm and
hopefulness.