The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-03-16
Some Yarns of the Courthouse Gang

and her breath came and went in long
fashion. But Micanopy, her aged pa-rient
had not gone anywhere, in the meantime
o. no! Mike was not in no trance-you
bet yeri He was Johnny on the spot
He suddenly appeared on the scene like
a yearling cyclone, and yelling the blood
curdling s. A. E. populite. warwhoop al
every jump.
"'Tusky. with Il fiendish yell of tri-
umph, had seized her in his arms, and
lifted her plump form, for the purpose OF
casting her in the roaring tide of a rush
ing river, eight inches in depth dhis
was before it was damned, after being
damned several times 1t isn't SO shallow.)
AS Tusky balanced himself for the
throw, the noble father of the brunette
beaut, grabbed a ten foot scanting and
warmed the villainous TusSy below the
beck of his neck, about three feet, then
spat on his hands, and handed Tusky
another jolt in the same place, yelling
to him in football tones "TuslSy-loose-
her!" And in this beautiful legend we
easily see the simple origin of the lovely
name of the ancient capital of Albania
Tuscaloosa"
And again Mr.. Sprawls narrowly scru-
tinized me through the bottom of a clear
glass bottle, and asked me my opinion
Of the prohibition law"
The sewing machine agent had been try
ing to get the floor at intervals during
the sheriffs story, and without waiting
to ascertain If that official had finished,
he interrupted
Ever since the year one there has been
a struggle between doctors, preachers
and lawyers as to who should lead and
dominate public sentiment. 1t has been
nip and tuck for several thousand years,
and in the present Ammo Dominy 1t looks
like the docks is sorter leading by few
lengths. Them sawbones have invented
the germ theory and epizootic, la grippe,
appendicitis and hook worm.
"A recent citizen can't read daily
paper without running up against the
views OF some celebrated pill peddlar on
some of these destroyers of mankind,
and especially OF late. is there a lot OF
slush about the hool<worm.
1.-The peculiar thing about that blamed
worm is that he seems to infest southern
people, exclusively. and that his ravages
is confined to those states that seeded
from this Ga-lo-ri-ous Union. 1t does
seem to me that our old vets had enough
with war. famine Yankees. itch, measles,
smallpox, poverty, niggers. reconstruc-
ton. and Ku-Klux, without having the
United States government to saw off on
us monopoly of the hookworm disease.
This so-called hookworm, according TO the
savants. causes lazipess. Then the hook
worm disease is just a polite name for
unadulterated laziness and 1T Is confined
to the Confederate states, according to
the official United States docks. 1t is
sure peculiar that our soldiers didn't seem
to have II badly at Bull-run, and other
festive scrimmages of the late civil un-
pleasantness-they certainly wasn't too
lazy TO charge batteries and cripple up a
few of the opposition.
Recently the United States government
sent out a scientific duck to Investigate
the effects of the hookworm disease on
Peckerwood. and the M. D.. stayed all
night with Bill Spradling. Bill is a hust-
buxom wife and Bill himself is one OF
these handy men that totes spaying
needles, shaves the dead, tends door at
church suppers. sings in the choir plays
the bull-fddle in the band, umpres the
ball games. is returning officer at cleo
tlons, and has been road overseer for 10
years.
After eating Bills fried chicken and
hot biscuits and sleeping on a goosehalr
bed, the Dock. next morning, examined
all of Bills children. the old lady, and
Bill. himself. and solennly pronounced
that every last one of EN- had a chronic
and virulent case of sure enough hook
worm, and he left about a wheelbarrow
load of medicine for them to take.
bill asked the Dock II any of them
hobos. vagrants. dagoes, and hoodlums