Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-12-14
Peaceful Eating Forbidden.

But it is difficult to eat in peace at a
Grfdiron dinner: somebody is always
starting something to distract atten-
tom and that is no reflection on the
viands, either, for the Cape Cod oysters
were fine and were being highly enjoy ed
when some husky porters carried in an
immense hamper In righteous indigna-
ton President kauffmann demanded to
know the meaning of the unseemly in
trusion. but no one was able to explain
1t and accordingly he ordered the hamper
opened.
Ihereupon. out popped "AIrs. Pank-
hurst, as the lady coyly admitted her.
SELF to be. She demanded adm.ttance to
the dinner. invoking the ancient rule of
the club that ladies are always pres
ent, at least constructively, at Gridiron
feasts. President Kaufman overruIed
her. however. and was on the point of
causing her to be e,ected when it was
suggested that women have votes in ten
states. This put another face upon the
matter, from q viewpoint Of political ex-
pedieney easily understeod hy the politi-
clans presefit, and she was requested to
customs found conrraband goods upon
her, and the forbidden aigret upon her
hat, SO, after being shorn OF all. she
retired i'm disorder.
Naturally, tho Gridiron Club would
take cognizance of the principal topic Of
that guests should witness meeting of
the federal reserve board provided for in
the new currency bill. 1t fell out that
the chairman Of the board was Gen.
Coxey. and he introduced the other msm-
bers of the board. There were Harry
Thaw (who came in on the rum, Col.
Mulhall. David Lamar, Jack johnson,
Charles F. Murphy and William Suizer.
Thaw Produces the Gold.
Harry Thaw produced the gold reserve
of a hundred millions. declaring the task
easy In comparison with paying lawyers
for month. and placed the bag of coin
on top OF a high ladder where ii was
hungrily eyed by Charles T.. Murphy
The proceedings were interrupted by the
appearance of five newly elected men,
oers of the club, Arthur B. krock, John
P. Ryan j. Fred Essary, Z. A. Fowler
and Thomas w. Branhany. The initiates
were thrown into some confusion by the
polite hint that they should deposit their
initiation fees and dues with the treas
ufer of the club, and finally confessed
they were out of funds.
In point Of fact, the administrations 8
policy of "pitiless publicity" has been so
and had lost their jobs. fSay, don't laugh
here. -t's too true to be funny) They had
relied on President Wilson, to their un-
doing Quoting from his New Free
DOM they read the assurance upon
which they had rested to find it but a
Let there be light 1t is necessary
to open all the processes of politics.
They have been too secret. too compI-
Gated. too roundabout; they have con-
sisted too much of private conference
and secret understandings"
And right on top Of that pronounce
ment the departments had put an en-
barge upon news. 1t was plumb terrible.
as they depicted it. But. while sympa-
thiz!ng with them. President Kauffman7
was compelled to rue that if they couldn't t
pay their dues they would have to
vamoose and they were in despair until
member of the federal reserve board
came to their rescue.
These gentlmen have no money. it Is
true" he said, "but perhaps they have
negotiable assets. The fedora, reserve
board is authorized to loan mOnev on
first-class commercial paper. cotton
bales. corn tassels and sich. What can
you offer?
Offered as Collateral.
David Lamar offered q bogus converse
tion over the White House telephone
wherein he was to deliver the vote of
Senator Hitchcock on the currency bill
Mr.. Murphy was asked to bid on Sulzers 6
scalp. Il have here" said one of the
initiates. Woodrow Wilson's letter ask
ing if there were not some way to knock
William ]. Bryan into a cooked hat"
Did they find way" it was asked
Eyes; the President appointed him
Secretary of State. and that Knocked
him into a silk hat"
However, the several securities were
declared good and Col. Mulhall was di.
rected by the board to start the printing
presses and turn out the money. when
the whole outfit was raided by the secret
service men. The candidates were how
ever admitted upon the assurance OF
those high in authority, that the new
freedom collateral was good security and
1t was accepted In lieu Of dues and
Initiation fees.
| Then there was that moving presenta-
ton of .sThe AK CT Adlai." for which
Postmaster General Burleson had been
impatiently waiting all evening. He was
dead sure 1t was something about the
Post Ofice Department, for was not
Adlai the axman of the postal service
years agone? His suspicion was found 10
be well grounded when the thread OF the
| skit was unwound to the charming airs
| of Offeubach's opera, THE Grand
| Duchess and the Gridiron players por-
trayed the roles.