The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1913-11-14
By, MAX ADLER.

| consequence of the bridge giving way
| Now, I don't catch the drift of this.
| Do you mean that the railroad acct
! dent resulted from the breaking of
the bridge of Mr.. McGlucken's nose,
way after the accident, or that the
nose was hurt by the railroad bridge
giving way, or how? You are not
| definite enough"
IT refer to the railroad bridge"
"Ah! Then you go on to say that
Mr. McGlucken married in 1897, but
that after a year of too brief happi-
ness, his wife died suddenly, leaving
him with eight dear little children
the eldest of whom was but seven
years of age. This is calculated to
fill the minds of readers with per-
plexity. Are you sure there were
eight children? And, if so, that the
| Oldest was but seven years of age?"
"I forgot to state that Mrs. Nc
Chicken had been married before, and
that there were three sets of twins"
"The omission is important I no
tfce that you say, in the fourth para
graph from the bottom, that McGluck-
en- went to sea when he was a young
man, and that his craft was stove at
Fiji islands. Then Immediately after
ward you remark that at poker he
never had a rival. Now, I can hardly
believe you mean it, and yet do you
know that a superficial reader glanc-
ing over your article, might easily
get the impression that McGlucken
went to sea in a stove, and somehow
or other, managed to row himself
ashore on the Fiji islands with a
poker Read it over and see for your
self tell you, Mr.. Peters, this kind
of want of defniteness won't do for
a newspaper. 1t confuses peoples
minds, and maddens them, and brings
them down here with murder in their
hearts,
IT admit that it is not exactly clear"
"But this is not the worst. What do
you mean when you say, in the fifth
paragraph, that while Mr.. McGlucken
lived in Perkiomen township, he was
somewhat lame for few years, and
that he had the largest corn in the
country-it was more than eight feet
high? Now, do you mean that he had
a corn eight feet high, or that he had
corn in his field eight feet high, and
if the latter, why do you associate the
corn with Mr.. McGlucken's lameness?
Don't you see for yourself that most
persons would get the notion that Nc
Glucken's lameness was caused by
corn which grew up through his boot
and was fastened to his hat? Why,
Mr.. Peters, if we were to print thing
like that believe this Office would be
Quilted by a mob before night"
'T see. I must rewrite that"
Fright afterward, next to that sin
guaar reference to the fact that his
aunt persisted in putting on her gum
shoes whenever she went to bed, and
that his grandmother swallowed her
spectacles three times in church, you
remark that in 1906 Mr.. McGlucken
was taken with torpidity of the liver,
whereupon he joined the Swedenbor-
gian church, and voted the Populist
ticket regularly You see you fail to
make the thing connect. People will
want to know how torpidity Of the
liver drove him over to the Sweden"
borgians, and why Swedenborgian
with an ineffective liver should have
propensity to support the Populists.
And no sooner does the bewildered
reader give up the problem than you
add, respecting Mr.. McGlucken's con.
nection with the church choir, that he
was a fine singer generally, but on
this particular Sunday he rode his ia
vorite horse to church, and, as he had
the heaves, he had to stop before
reaching his destination, so he missed
his usual participation in the services,
ct cetera, ct cetera. pledge you my
word of honor Mr.. Peters, as man
who has his finger on the public pulse,
there will be million people around
here tomorrow perfectly savage to
know whether McGlucken had the
heaves, or whether the horse had! No,
Mr.. Peters, it won't do! 1t really
won't want to put in good obitu-
to do him justice. / can see your SYM
pathetic feeling running all through
this article. 1t is chOck-full of genuine
emotion You really mourn for Nc
Chicken. But, hang it, young man, il
I would let the billowy tumults of sor-
row that rage in your soul boil out into
! the columns of the Daily Argus in this
particular form, / should have the
whole McGlucken family after me with
libel suit, and within forty-eight
hours all the insane asylums in the
state would be so crowded that the
patients couldn't breathe! No. you
must overhaul it; furnish it up: re-
write it; remove it; lick it into shape.
I'll giev you one more chance
Mr.. Peters handed in his resigna-
| fi0n ond sought a rl0gifion as c0ndf1e-t