New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-01-05

o u b;s,orI 5 greatest dincrout
~ oa3 ban0ucteer. But the capt.
g" 8 his productive country has IN Its midst every
Ia focL5 of dnersout who make the lcats and feaSS
,ils look Ike the Indifferent pcckings of weak
"a delicate canary bird Roughly speaking there are
an CI,sses of men in Washington who rally
"" III I'M. proaning board every night and those who
Iou' home because they have not the price of a suit
,,sninp clothes. The giving OF dinners IN cities like
Nm Vor, Chicago. and San Francisco Is a diversion.
Nv b rational capital ii is industry. ornamentcd
- ly orcheStraS, Senators, and Representatives,
an the President as the chief decoration Many of
- beo0uctS are beautitied further by the presence
~ bo,, who want political tavorS done Tor them and
W. van smile, of those who can do the tavorS they viii.
% menu, of these SumptuouS, upholstered, and Cerc
nio,, tcranmentS given out to the newspapers
ns;s-ug of one dozen kinds of food and seven kinds
~ one and drinks but in reality they can be reduced
- ,Lis formula: hot food-hot alr-cold tood-hot
e;r-hot io,d-hot air-hotter an. Washington can
80, doc. nm incStimablc number OF reasons for giving
E,orsts The hunger thirst OF band OF men Is
49, the real reason. In the first place, 1t has been cal
Ill that there are held in this lovely city more
Than three hundred and SiXty-tvc conventions year.
aad ANYBODY with the least measure OF CommonScnSe
Inovs how abSuriV impossible It Is TO convene with
o,t dining There are political gatherings meetings OF
STATE and national committees, conferences OF political
leader, from various States and Oh we gods! most
in,;f,1 of lll-thc banqucts OF State clubs, whose
rne,ba~s with fork in hand and thoughts OF home III
n,;ad +.' between mouthfulS what tragedy it is to
have to live in Washington and bite OF chunk OF the
Government payroll every month instead OF Delng Dack
8 ,h woods i'm the dear old place where everybody was
b,rn and nobody remained except those who had TO.
DrGUT 81, the beginning it should be pointed out
N thar many of the men who attend these benches
and bumpers Of rercShment are dragooncd INTO It, for
instance Joseph G.. Cannon, formerly Speaker OF the
Worsa Is HELPLESS in the matter. If there Is any night
when he refuses an invitation, the members OF the COM
rtte on invitations bearing long and truSty shutter
ON their shoulders call at his house and hdnap him.
The result that he jumps from board to board Ike an
angora goat But at that, he Is crafty tor he always
eats dinner at home before leapng mo MS evening
clothes for the encounter with the food done up in brlc-
5brac by an imported chef. The trouble with Uncle
Io that ne is an excellent atcrdnner speaker, and
that all the banqucteerS. having eaten themselves INTO
y s.ate that would lead YOU to believe they had fed
exclusively on morphine and chloroorm, Ike to be
walked up bv his wit just before they 60 home.
The Hon Nicholas Longworth IS another victim
Vhencver he IS al dinner where the orchestra includes
piano some admirng friend rises SOlcnnly OCCASION
ay oggv To- his feet at about eleven clock and cries
out:
dav nigh, 40 that other dinner.
And # there IS no piano an obliging individual
forces violin under his chin and makes nm perform
on that
Senate Burton Of Ohio is another statesman who
can be found every evening between SIX ana seven
o'clock punching the studs into stitt-boSomed shirt
preparatorv TO wandering out into the wilderness OF
blnouets that await him. He however, has double
duty 10 perform; for he is bachelor. quiet soft
spoken and full Of money, and he IS invited 10 all tle
places where women are included IN the gatherings
President Taft has travelled all over this country
several times and he never struck town without being
hurled into IN automobile and guided by proud com
m,tec o. the head Of table Ornamented by the dish
for which that particular town is most famous ne mas
been forced To eat the opoSsum OF Georgia the iSi oil
San Francisco. the ham Of Virginia and all the other
: +la