davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

Wellington looked from the crowded
card to the Jealous face. divorce
Outfitters, eh? | don't quite get you"
well, in the foist place"
"The foist place. Ell? You're from
New York"
Yes. oritchinally. How did you
know it? BY my fashionable cloth
Ink"
Yes" laughed Wellington. but
you say need you. How?'
Well. you've got maybe some beg
getch. some trunks-yes|'
Yes"
well, in the foist place. am an
expressman. | deliver 'em TO your
address-yes? We're iss it?"
I'haven't got any yet"
also | am addressman. DO you
want It a nice hotel?-or a fine house?
or an apartment?-or maybe a
boarding -house?-yes? How long do
you make a residence?"
six months"
NO longer"
Not a minute"
Take fine house, den. sot some
beauties just vacated"
For n year?-no thanks"
"All the leases in Reno run for six
months only"
We'll, I'd like to look around a lit
tie first"
Good. Don't forhet us. You come
ont here for six months. You want
maybe good quick divorce-yes?"
THE quickest can get"
DO you want II confidential? or
very nice ard noisy?"
What's that?'
I've are press agents and also sup,
press agents. Some likes 'em one
way. some likes 'em anudder. Nich
do YOU want it,"
Quick and quiet"
painless divorce Is our speciality
N YOU pay me an advence deposit
now, file your claim de minute de
train stops and your own wife don't
know you're divorced
"I'n think II over" said Wellington
rising with resolution.
Don't forget us. Baumann and
Blumen. Satisfaction guaranteed OF
your wife refunded. Avoid substi
toots." And then, seeing that he could
not extract any cash from Little Jim
mie. Mr.. Baumann descended upon
Mallory, who was just finishing his
shave. Laying his hand on Mallory's
arm. he began:
"Excoose. pleass. Can | ut you out
/ Wit n nice divorce7"
"Divorce7 - me. that's good.
! laughed Mallory at the vision OF X
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
CHAPTER xXXlV.
The Complete Dlvoreer.

ne NOUlHlCAC blNOlNCls
The other passengers were growing
nervous with their own troubles. The
next stop was Reno, and In spite OF
all the wit that is heaped upon the
town. IL is solemn place To those
who must so there in purgatorial pen.
ance for matrimonial error.
Some honest souls regard such d.
vorce-emporiums as dens OF evil,
where the wicked make n mockery OF
the sacrament and assail the founda-
tions of society. by undermining the
home. other equally honest souls.
believing that marriage is a human
institution whose mishaps and mis-
takes should be rectined as far as
possible. regard the divorce courts as
cities OF refuge for ill-treated or Ill
mated women and men whose lives
may be saved from utter ruination by
the Intervention OF high-minded
judges.
But, whichever view Is right. the
ordeal by divorce Is terrifying enough
10 the poor sinners or martyrs who
must undergo II.
pale, and stammered, as he tried to
ask the conductor casually:
What kind OF place is that
Reno?"
The conductor. somewhat cynical
from close association with the di
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
HE CARRIED AN UMBRELLA

A dear old lady who was very "sot'
In her prejudices was asked just why
she didn't like a certain man. She had
no particular reason that she could
think OF at the instant. but she had been
SO emphatic In her expression OF dis
like that she knew she would have to
find some excuSe-at once. Just at that
moment she happened 10 glance out Of
the window and saw him passing by.
He carried a neatly rolled umbrella
though IL hardly threatened rain.
Quick as fash she answered her
questioner. He carries an umbrella
whether it's raining or not-he is a
'softie'"
But" said her friend, also looking
out OF the window, here comes your
son William, and he is carrying an um-
brella."
This did not stump the old lady. But
that's another matter-I don't like him
anyhow-and besides. 1t all depends on
who carries the umbrella" she replied
triumphantly.
That is the position some people have
taken regarding that wholesome and
refreshing beverage Coca-Cola. They
have said a good many unkind things
about IL and in each instance have had
II proved 10 them that their tales were
not true.
Finally they seized upon the fact that
Coca-Cola gets much OF its refreshing
deliciousness from the small bit of caf-
feline that IL contains. They looked upon
that as a splendid argument against IT,
Then. like the old lady who was remind
ed OF son William, they were reminded
that II Is the caffeine in their favorite
beverages, tea and coffee, (even more
than in Coca-Cola) that gives them
their refreshing and sustaining quail
ties.
But does that stop their criticism OF
Coca-Cola for containing caffeine? No
their answer is similar to the old
matter"-what they mean is Being
prejudiced against Coca-Cola and lik-
ing tea or coffee, it all depends on
what carries the caffeine"
We think the joke is on them-for
caffeine Is caffeine. and II il is not
harmful in one it can't be harmful In
another. We all know that it is not
harmful in tea or coffee-that it is
really helpful in whatever IL is-this
Is bound to include Coca-Cola.
OF course, the truth is, that having
started an attack on false premises and
having had what they thought were
good reasons for criticism proved to
be no reasons at all, they are grasping
at an excuse which does not exist, to
explain a prejudice. So you see, after
all. it all depends on who carries the
umbrella TO people who are determined
TO be unfair. Let us be fair.-Adv.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

no better. They told me there was no
help without an operation. have used
Lydia +. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound and it has helped me wonderfully.
] do most of my own work now and take
care of my children. recommend your
remedies to all suffering women. -
Mrs. WILLARD A. GRAHAM, Care of
ELLSWORTH FUTILE, Bovina Center, NY.
Lydia L. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, made from native roots and
herbs, contains no narcotics or harmful
drugs, and today holds the record Of
being the most successful remedy we
know for woman's ills. IL you need such
|. medicine why don't you try it
Every woman ought TO have
aydia Z. Pinkham's SO Page Text
Book. IL is not a book for general
distribution as il is too expensive.
a. Is free, and only obtainabie by
mail. Write for il to-day. Lydia
q. Pinkham Medicine Co., Lynn,
Mass.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
Copyright, 1871. by "a. X ny O.
SYNOPSIS.

Lieut.. Harry Mallory is ordered 20 the
Philippines. He and Marjorie Newton
decide 70 elope. but wreck OF taXicab pre-
vents their seeing minister on the way 20
Ing on passengers. Porter has lively
time with an Englishman and Ira Iath-
rop. Yankee business man. The elopers
have an exciting time getting 20 the
train. Little Jimmie" Wellington, bound
for Reno TO get divorce. boards train
in maudlin condition. Later Mrs. Jimmie
appears. She is also bound for Reno with
same object Likewise Mrs. Sammy Whit
comb Latter blames Mrs. Jimmie for
her marital troubles Classmates OF NAL
lory decorate bridal berth. Rev. and Mrs.
Temple start on vacation. They decide
TO cut loose and Temple removes evidence
OF his calling. Marjorie decides TO let
Mallory proceed alone, but train starts
while they are lost In farewell. Passen-
gers join MallOry's classmates In giving
couple wedding hazing. Marjorie Is dis
tracted Ira Lathrop. .woman-hating
Annie Cattle. a fellow passenger. NAL
lory vainly hunts for "A preacher among
the passengers Mrs. Wellington hears
Little Jlmmes voice. Later she meets
jorie his failure 10 find a preacher. They
decide TO pretend quarrel and Mallory
finds a vacant berth. Mrs. Jimmie discoY-
ers Wellington on the train. Mallory
again makes an unsuccessful hunt FOR a
preacher. Or Temple poses as "A physi-
clan. Mrs. Temple Is induced by Mrs.
Wellington 10 btnOhe a. 'lBtI. SlsHi "a
preacher on a station platform raises
Mallorys hopes. but he takes another
train. Missing hand baggage compels the
couple 20 borrow from passengers. Jim
mie gets "A clnder I'm his eye and Mrs.
Jimmie gives first aid. Goodness IL then
resumed. still no clergyman. More bor-
rowing Or. Temple puzzled by behavior
OF different couples. Marjorie's Jealousy
aroused by Mallory's baseball jargon.
Marjorie suggests wrecking the train I'm
hopes that accident will produce a preach
or Also tries 10 induce the conductor 70
hold the train so she can shop. Marjorie's
dog Is missing. She pulls the cord. stop
ping the train. Conductor restores dog
and lovers quarrel Lathrop wires for a
preacher to marry him and Miss Cattle.
Mallory tells Iathrop OF his predicament
and arranges TO borrow the preacher
Kitty Iewelyn. former sweetheart OF Nal
lory's, appears and arouses Marjorie's
jealousy. Preacher boards train. After
marrying Lathrop and Miss Cattle the
preacher escapes Mallory by leaping from
moving train. Mallory's detection moves
Marjorie TO reconciliation The last day
ON the train brings 90 Mallory the fear
Of missing his transport
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
OLD ADAM STRONG IN HIM
Sad Time for Mother When She Real
he'd Her Pet Had Passed Beyond
the Angelic Period.

Mothers darling, age four. was not
90 be like other boys and learn TO use
AAnghty and slangy words. He was
not allowed to play with the older
boys In the neighborhood for fear his
sensitive nature might be shocked at
ahe language they used. One day.
while mother was busy. he slipped
over into the next street and played
2ug half an hour with a crowd OF older
soys. In that half hour he took com
DSyts course in modern language.
An his return mother said:
Where has my precious been?"
You should worry and get
wrinkle" he cheerfully replied.
Dearest, tell mother where you
ssArned such horrible language!"
n0ther exclaimed.
-Aw, good night. shirt" came sweet.
@ from the Cupid bow mouth.
Then mother commenced TO weep,
eor she realized that her angel child
was just a boy after all.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

vorce-mill and its grist, grfnped:
That depends on what you're leav-
ing behind. Most folks seem 10 get
enough OF IL In about six months"
Then he went his way, leaving Well
ington red. agape and perplexed. The
trouble with Wellington was that he
had brought along what he was leav-
ing behind. Or, as Ashton impudently
observed: You ought 20 enjoy your
residence there. Wellington, with your
wife on hand"
The only repartee that Wellington
could think OF was rather unin-
spired: You go to ="
so long as 1t isn't Reno" Ashton
laughed, and walked away.
Wedgewood laid sympathetic hand
on Little Jimmies shoulder, and said:
That Ashton is no end OF a bound
er, what?"
Wellington wrote his epitaph in
these words:
We'll, the worst can say OF him
is, he's the kind OF man that doesn't
lift the plug out when he's through
with the basin"
lie liked this so well that he wished
he had thought OF IT in time to crack
It over Ashton's head lie decided
TO hand II 20 him ANYWAY. lie forgot
that the cardinal rule for repartee, Is
Better never than late"
AS he swung out OF the mems room
he was buttonholed by an individual
new TO the little Trans-American col
ony. one OF the camp-followers and
suffers who prosper round the edges
OF all great enterprises had waylaid
him on the way TO the battle-ground
OF marital freedom.
The stranger had got on at an
earlier stop and worked his way
through the train to the car named
"Snowdrop" Wellington was his first
victim here. His pushing manner.
the almost vulture-like rapacity OF his
cleaning eyes, and the very vul-
turine contour OF his profile, his palmy
gestures, his thick lisp, and every
thing about him gave Wellington his
immediate pedigree.
IL III behooves Christendom TO need
reminding that the Jewish race has
adorned and still adorns humanity |
with some OF it's noblest specimens;
but this interloper was OF the type
that must have irritated Voltaire into |
answering the platitude that the Jews
are Gods chosen people with that
other platitude. Tastes differ"
Little Jimmie Wellington, hot in |
pursuit OF Ashton, found himself |
checked in spite OF himself; In spite |
of himself deposited somehow into a |
seat and in spite OF himself confront |
ed with a curvilinear person. who |
said:
"Excoose, pleass! but are you get
tink off at R-r-reno?"
Il am" Wellington answered, curt |
ly. essaying TO rise, only to be deli
cately restored to his place with a
gesture and a phrase:
"Then you meet me-"
"Oh, l need you, do ~ And who |
are you?"
who ain't |? | am Baumann and !
Blumen. Our cart, pleass."
Wellington found a pasteboard In |
his hand and read the legend:
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
CHAPTER xxxlH.-continued.


Mallory put out his hand: Would
you be kind enough to lend me your
razor again this morning."
Sure thing" said Ashton. you'll
find your blade In the box there"
Mallory then negotiated the loan OF
ono more fresh shirt from the Eng
llshman, and clean collar from Ash
ton. He rejoiced that the end OF the
day would bring him In touch with
his own baggage. Four days OF forag'
ing on the country was enough for
this soldier.
Also he felt SOW that he and Mar
iorie had lveC thus long, they could
survive sonnet " till evening brought
them TO San francisco. where there
were hundreds T ministers. And then
the conductor L. his early
morning optimism, though he made
his appearance in the washroom with
genial good mornings for ALL,
Mallory acknowledged the greeting,
and asked offhandedly: by the way.
hows she running?"
The conductor answered even more
orhandedly: About two hours late
and losin'."
Mallory was transhXed with new
fear: Good Lord, my transport sails
at sunrise"
"Oh. we ought to make Frisco by
midnight. anyway"
Midnight, and sail at daylight
Unless we lose a little more time. !"
Mallory realized that every new day
managed 20 create its own anNieties,
! With the regularity OF a milkman,
each morning left fresh crisis on
his doorstep.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
BY Natural Reasoning.

A keen student OF human nature
must have written the following:
When you see a young man sailing
down street shortly after midnight
with his collar crumpled. you can
make up your mind that there's a
Young girl crawling upstairs not far
distant. with her shoes under her arm
and an extinguishsd lamp In her
hand"
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
Such a w au.

$50 you think that Butman is selfish
and grasping?"
IL didn't say that"
You said he tries to make every
body's business his own"
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

now. / was very
young when my first
baby was born and
my health was very
bad after that. l
was not regular and
/ had pains in my
back and was so
poorly that l could
hardly take care Of
my two children. 1
doctored with sew
eral doctors but got
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
Hama the Esnense.

ia your new beau good TO you,
Mame?"
Good to me? ] should say he Is
Hs picks out the ten-cent movies TO
take me to-"
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

Isn't It queer how many Of your
friends are broke when you want to
borrow few dollars?
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
More Like an Enemy.

You seem to be In big hurry
81 am"
-Going to meet friend7"
mo, indeed. I'm going TO meet a
npfe-
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

Bfr~- winslows Soothing Syrup for Children
spsthing. softens the gums, reduces infiamma.
Mon, ,Allays pain cures wind cole ,25c bottleAds
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

Believe In the better side OF men.
II In optimism that really saves peo-
ple.-Ian Maclaren.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

Every time a girls heart is broken
She saves the pieces.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

WHY NoT LOOK As YOUNG as you feel
ana enjoy life morc7 Wrinkles and crows
feet make you look old and ugly; they are
q menace 20 your position and social pres
ase. get rid % them quickly by using Venus
Wsfnkle Treatment a will give you a com.
p,ezion remarkable Tor lte soft. youthful
slor and make you look 10 years younger
krtte for free particulars CHARLOTTE
HIOCH Co. 1907 Charlotte 81. Bronx ~. n.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

The bitter things we leave unsaid
will never return to trouble us.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
mother
so POORLY
Could Hardly Care for Chill
dren - Finds Health in
Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound.

Bovina Center, NY. -"For six years
1 have not had as good health as l have
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

MINES PUlE CREAM or FLOWERS IN.
best bsautiher on earth. Beautihee the old
and Keeps the young BEAUTIFUL. Only VI post
ua,d send money order 10 Hines Address
MINFs AND son. lac. TfPTON. OKLA
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

Do,do,c Of this paper desiring 10 buy
NsouSiS anything advertised in is col
unns should insisf upon having what they
ask for. refusing all substitutes orimitatiou
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29
Get Rich Quick Honestly

RHEUMATISM CURED-French Specialists
Great Discovery. Make IL yourself Cost 10
email. Sell your neighbors this wonderful
Liniment. True formula 81. James MacKay.
Hastings L. yman Hotel. York Beach Maine.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1913-08-29

A delicious combination Of ginger. aromatics
and French brandy for the relief Of cramps,
pains, colds chills. weakness, nervousness and
insomnia. Look for the Owl Trade Mark on
the wrapper. lest you get cheap. worthless os
dangerous substitute. Forty years the standard
Of purity, favor and strength. Sold by ell
druggists and grocers.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-12-30
STANFORD GLEE
CLUB COMES
TO TACOMA

Stanford Glee club will arrive
in Tacoma Thursday afternoon
for their scheduled performance
In the evening at the Tacoma
theater. An elaborate program
of songs and stunts all carrying
the atmosphere of college life Is
arranged for the nights enter
tainment.
At 4 O'Clock in the afternoon
the men will be entertained al
the University club at which the
alumni from the University OF
California and Stanford are re-
quested to attend. The affair will
be sort of a smoker and the
glee club members will aid in the
fun with their songs and special
stunts.
Yearly the Stanford Glee club
makes trips to various parts OF
the country in each section, meet
ing with big successes. The club
visited the east as far as Chicago
a couple of years ago and return
ed with many triumphs.
Part of the proceeds from the
enteTtainment Thursday might
will go toward the Children's
Home fund which is under the
direction of Mrs. Sawyer, chair
man of the board.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-12-30
AUTOMOBILE
RUNS away
FROM DRIVER

Becoming excited after q west
bound cable car No. so had grazed
the side of his machine, X. XII
,naisi, Japanese, chauffeur of the
delivery automobile of the Eagle
steam laundry, lost control Of his
machine at 18th and ID streets
this morning. The heavy deliv-
cry auto careened towards the
curb, running down the steep
grade of 18th street at a terrific
speed. The wild-eyed Japanese
chauffeur chung to his seat and
seemed unable to turn the wheel.
After dashing down hill for so
yards. the automobile ,leaped over
curb, crashed through an apple
cider stall annexed to the Public
Market. and finally came to q
stop against the wall of dwell
ing behind the stall. The cider
stall was demolished and the au-
tomobile was damaged to the ex-
tent of several hundred dollars.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-12-30
SURRENDER TO
REBS CERTAIN
PRESIDE, Texas Dec. 80 about the same

PRESIDE, Texas, Dec. 80. -
Mexican rebels pressed Ojinaga
garrison hard today and 1t seem
ed certain that they would take
the town. The rank and file Of
its defenders are mutinous and
they wanted to surrender. Their
officers could make them fight
only by threatening to kill them.
In fact, they did kill a number
who refused to fight. The rebel
attack began last evening and
lasted three hours. When they
were finally repulsed, they slept
on the field until daylight, when
the fighting was resumed. Many
were killed. The garrison Is be-
'iieved to number 1000 and the
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-12-30
BARGAIN CROWD.
THRONES STORE.

As the result of q heavy adver-
Using campaign of their .once-.l-
year sale," and the special induce
uent of a large quantity of alum
mug swsre at 50 cents, the Peo-
pies Store yesterday was the
Mecca for one of the greatest
shopping crowuc ever gathered at
single store IN Tacoma The
jam became so great tat 1t was
necessary to cafl policemen 10 as,
sist in handling the crowd. An
when the last shopper had been
accommodated, the great mound
Of aluminium ware had entirely
evaporated, ana there was not SO
mseh as an minimum pie-pan left
for sale.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-12-30
YOUTH WANDERS
FROM HOME

Having walked all the way
from Roy yesterday, distance OF
30 miles, John Hutchinson, age
20. believed by the police to be
mentally unbalanced, was taken
into custody at South Tacoma by
Patrolman Gardner and is being
held for relatives. The youth
told the poirce that he lived with
his step-father, L. c. Wolkins.
lie seemed to be In a daze when
OFFICER Gardner took charge OF
him. and was wandering helpless
ly about the streets in South Ia
coma.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-12-30
DEMANDED AN APOLOGY;
GUN PLAY INSTEAD

that Rudder had made remarks
about Mrs. Gamble, 1t is said. and
went to Rudder's home last night
to demand an apology. The fight
followed. 1T is said, and Rudder
forced Gamble to leave the house,
after pointing a revolver at him.
Rudder was arrested at the city
hall today while he was waiting
to swear out warrant for Gam.
ble's arrest,
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-12-30
CITY READY
TO SETTLE
WITH NJ HUGH

The city council arranged to
settle the p. e. .McHugh judg-
ment this morning. A special
water fund for the $4,000 will
be created and bonds issued on
the fund. They will be paid at
the rate of probably $1,000 a
month from water receipts. Law
son and Woods presented bills
against McHugh for $13,995 that
had been expended on the pipe
since McHugh turned it over to
the city and Judge Stiles will sift
out these claims and see whether
any of them are legitimate bills
against the contractor before he
is asked to pay them.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-12-30
rs FAMILY NAG

WABASH, Ind, Dec. 30. =
Wabash county has at least one
resident who has never ridden
on a railroad train, street car or
automobile, and whose fastest
rate of travel is limited to the
speed of his horse. This man is
Jonathan Beal, who has lived in
New Holland, village in the
eastern part of the county, fog
the last 60 years, having moved
there with. his parents when
about Is years old. Mr.. Beal
is of the opinion that his family
nag can go fast enough for all
practical purposes.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-12-30
WILL WORK FOR
COUNTY AWHILE

Gus Hallin, father of three
small children, was yesterday
sentenced to spend six months In
the county Jail under the lazy
husband law. The police learned
through searching investigation
that Hallin has spent all his
money for liquor and has entirely
roc.'~oted his wife and babies. He
has been In Jail several times for
la..X.SatiOn.