The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-03-26
A BATCH OF SMILES

Sir Leopold McClintock, the Arctic
explorer, was ono giving an account
of his experiences amid the ice fields
Of the north.
I'VE certainly would have Travelled
much farther" he explained, had
not our dogs given out at q critical
time"
But" exclaimed the young woman
who had been listening intently, II
thought that the Eskimo doxs were
perfectly tireless creatures."
Sir Leopold's face wore a whim-
sically gloomy expression as he re-
piled:
-er-speak in a culinary sense.
miss"
MY dear, listen to this, and tell
me what you make Of IT." exclaimed
the elderly English lady to her hus-
band on her first visit to the states.
She held the hotel menu almost at
arms length and spoke In q tone or
horror.
Baked Indian pudHins!' Can it be
possible in a civilized country??"-The
Youths Companion.
Henry Watterson told this story at. q
recent dinner party:
"One day when I ~ the city, editor
OF a small newspaper a fine turkey
was left at the ONCE. We all hank-
cred after the bird, the editor finally
claimed It. took 1t home. ana had 1t
cooked for dinner. The next day .
letter Letter VA as. handed to him. II hich he
Yesterday which had been the cause
of much dispute among us. To set
tie q bet. will you, please state in TO-
rnorrow's issue what the turkey died
of?'"
A little Central American republic
was busily preparing for war. as q
neiehboring republic vas daily threat
ing an invasion Of her territory: ana
all available poems were being picked
UP and recruited" in order that they
might learn to fight and die, II need
be. for their beloved country. "A
batch OF twenty had just arrived on
the scene and their leader handed a
note to the general In command Of the
government troops which read as fol.
lows: ;
""1llustrious General-The bearer Of
this note will have the honor to turn
over to you twenty volunteers. Please
return the ropes."-Everybody's
Magazine.
A Washington man, much given to
long foot tours through Virginia, once
came upon an unkernpt aud melan-
choly looking person stretched under
a tree. who, upon the approach Of the
hurried touch for = dime.
Now the Washinkton man had, 4
short distance back. been talking to Z
prosperous farmer, who had. complain.
ed Of the difficulty Of obtaining labor;
accordingly he Said to the hobo as
he handed him the coin:
About halt Q mile down, my friend,
there's q farmer looking for men to
help him In his fields"
The melancholy looking person
bowed ~ politely as possible. consid.
erinS ny, Mttine posture. and replied:
"Thanks. misht-er-stroH down
that WY aecidental-like."
Happy lovers were they, both de-
voted to dancing. both partakers Of
the Joys OF the annual village GIN
derella. She was a beautiful, krNce-
ful, skillful dancer; he far less adept.
with no control, Of his tootsies and
little idea OF rhythm. In point Of
az he led the lady TO believe By his
fervsnt descriptions Of his prowess,
Half way through the Cinderella ths
!ady's beautiful gown was sadly
torn. her dainty slippers bore rnarks
Of a heavier tread. her toes ached
from. the stampinss like unto thosc
Of a. Nasmyth hammer. Eventuaiiv
she decided to give up In DESPAIR.
II am 30 tired" she whispered.
DO lets sit out the rest Of. tho
Dances" N"'
But the swain was reluctant.
y thousht.'- he remarked. you aaih
you could die dancing" -.
80 I did," same the reply. But