South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-12-18
STATESMEN, REAL
AND NEAR.
BY FRED G. KELLY.

.
WASHINGTON. Dec. 1S.-When
Thomas Riley Marshall was still a
comparatively unknown lawyer out in
Charlottesville, Ind. a man dropped
in one afternoon, ostensibly for legal
advice, but ne was really a book
agent in Sleeps clothing.
He asked Marshall if it was neces-
sary TO have a license to sell books.
And while Marshall was ansN crIng
the question. he suggested:
Il have a new book here that you
yourself Will want"
NO. never buy subscription
books" said Marshall. Il mi that
l save money in the long run by go
ing TO the book stores"
All, yes" murmured the agent,
but this book isn't in the stores yet.
It's just out. And it's going to be
one OF the great books of the year.
Ny minister says he regards it as ono
OF the best out since the Bible"
WHAT'S the name OF it," inquired
Marshall.
The Pilgrims Progress" the man
replied.
Rep. Rouse of Kentucky knows a
man down in his district whose wife
Is deaf She is deaf. but not dumb,
and talks a great deal in a loud con-
tralto voice. If Ony one else chances
To talk she can understand them by
noting the movements of their lips,
but this is seldom necessary as she
does most of the talking herself.
One night she and her husband
started to drive home from town, a
distance of about seven miles, after
dark. She started in TO talk and took
up one dull subject after another Her
husband yelled at her to stop, but
she couldn't hear him, and it was too
dark fer her to see his lips. He was
driving a spirited team and couldn't
make signs to her with his hands.
After they had proceeded about
half way home, the husband stopped
at a farmhouse. aroused the family
and asked for the temporary loan of
a lantern. He lighted it. held it up
beside his face, so that the light
might have full play on his lips. and
shouted:
Clara. for the lands sake. shut
your blamed mouth"
Sen. Kern was telling the other day
about the narrow escape a friend of
his had from getting killed. all owing
TO a slight misunderstanding of the
import of his language.
1t seems that there used to be an
Irish hotel and saloonkeeper in In
dianapOlis who was Familiarity known
as the King" One day the Kings
daughter got married, and after the
actual wedding festivities were dis
posed of her father gave a little stag
breakfast in honor of the event.
There was much gay talk, and. tow
ard the last, some toasts. They pro-
posed toasts to the bride and every
body else but the father who was
momentarily overlooked. So Sen.
Kern's friend arose to remedy the
oversight.
Let us now drink a toast" said
he. Ito the 'Kingr"
Whereupon an Irishman across the
table, without stopping to think,
leaped over and knocked Kern's
friend down and jumped on him.
He thought the man referred to
the king of England.
Those seated in a little Greek shoe
shining establishment here the other
day were surprised to note that tall
well-dressed gloomy-looking man
among the customers was able to
converse with the sinner in the irig-
inal Greek. You might devote your
life to having your shoes shined each
morning at a Greeks stand without
ever seeing a dignified looking GUS
toner exchanging small talk with the
proprietor. Usually the sinner can't
talk English and the customer is
even farther from talking Greek. But
in this instance the customer talked
Greek as unconscernedly as if he al
ways talked just that way. After he
had gone some one asked the sinner
who he was. The boy shook his
head. He did not know that his GUS
toner was Mr.. -. NOuros, tn charge
d'affairs of the Greek legation, and
in the absence OF the minister. the
acting minister.
Almost any day when things are a
bit dull In the house of congress. and
Rep. s. w. BeaSes of Michigan is not
within plain sight. he may be located
over in the genealogical section of
the congressional library.
Since he was nine years old Beakes
has been following up the subject of
genealogy with a view TO ascertaining
who some of his ancestors were. At
this writing he has trailed them back
to a point in the 10th century. and is
still burrOwing. His searches have
taken him among kings and pirates
and early-day dentists and people in
practically every walk of life but
nothing dfters him. He desires to
know his own family. and it is his
ultimate aim TO get clear back within
striking distance Of Noah. if the rec
OrdS hold out.
\ great many weak spirited per
sons fear To take up genealOgy lest
they find themselves related to a
dressmaker' husband, a ackthe
stranger. or a man who made puns.
away back in the dim heretofore. but
Beakes feels that a man can take a
chance on his folks averaging up
fairly well. He finds that ancestors
become so numerous the farther back
one goes that a mere murderer or
two, here and there, is really not
worth fretting over.
Copyright. 1913. by Fred c. Kelly
All rights reserved)