The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-03

MlikIildH- WELL. YOU gee, num-, tne
pure food law don't allow US more
an You wouldn't believe how long II
takes to count the little divils Lip.
pincott's.
II won't to leaf five thousand pound.
to each Of my clerks dot hat peer
IN my employ twenty years." said
the Clark street merchant to the law.
yer who was drafting his will.
why, that's very liberal!!" respond
ed the solicitor.
Not at all! None Of tenn hat peen
NIT me ofer Won year. und 1t will look
good, Won't it?"
Obadiah Gardner told the followin.
story:
ut was in a small country store in
Maine-my native state-one morn
ing when an old lady accompanied
by a Eawky looking girl Of about hf-
teen came in and asked the proprfe-
tor to show her some cheap calico.
"She pulled at one piece one way,
then another, wetting it meantime and
rubbing 1t with her fingers to. ascer-
tain If the colors were fast. She ap-
parently was unable to satisfy her
self regarding it.
"Ffnally she produced a small pair
Of scissors and shipped off a tiny
piece, which she handed to the. young
girl.
"'Here, Emma she said, you
chew on that an see if it fades any,
Emma put the sample into her
mouth and with the most serious ex-
preston imaginable went to work.
Lippincott's.
Not long ago there entered the Of
flee of a New York broker a most
excited person. who. upon ascertain
Ing that the broker was indeed the in
uncertain terms that he proposed to
have satisfaction and Justice"
By exercising his suavest methods
the broker managed to elicit from his
excited caller that on the previous day,
as the brokers' chauffeur was operat-
ing his employers al he had, at the
corner Of Broadway and F~ifty-fourth
street. nearly run down the complain
ants wife, incidentally tearing from
her frock a quantity Of material.
II am very sorry indeed" said the
broker. land will be glad to do what
I can to remedy the matter. Do you
expect that I shall get your wife a
new; frock?"
mo. I DON'T" snapped the angry
husband. brandishing a bit Of CLOTH.
What I propose to do 10 to see that
you match this MATERIAL"
In his daily half-hour confidential
talk with his boy an ambitious father
tried to give some good advice.
B observing. my son." said the
father on occasion. Cultivate
the habit of seeing and you will be a
c,,oNn~ep,,I mn Ck,l,, <A&.-- 80
remember them. Don't go through
the world blindly. Learn to use your
eyes. Boys who are observing know
a great deal more than those who
are. not"
Willie listened in silence.
Several days later when the entire
family, consisting of his mother. aunt,
and uncle. were present. his father
said:
well. Willie. have you kept using
your eyes as I advised you to do?"
ment's hesitation said:
GIVE seen a few things right around
the house. Uncle Jim's got a bottle
Of hair dye hid under his trunk. Aunt
Jennie's got an extra set Of teeth in
her dresser. mas got some curis in her
hat, and pas got q deck of cards and
a box Of chips behind the books in
the secretary"
In the spring Of 's5 a reporter for
the Arkansaw Traveller died. The day
ice found the editor and his staff talk
ing about their late associate.
at has been a sad loss, friends" the
visitor said. " a sad loss indeed" He
sighed and looked about the room.
"Ah. I am pleased to see." he went on.
THAT you commemorate the melan-
choly event by hanging up Grape"
Opie Read frowned. "Crape." he
said. "Where do you see any crape?''
isn't Grape. That's the ONCE towel"
The climate Of heaven has been de-
termfned by two youthful philoso.
piers. Said a little boy to his sister:
"It don't even rain in heaven. does
It. May?"
I'm course it does. We little chunp!"
the girl replied. That's where it's
all a-comin' from. amt it,"
A very small man-not only small
al to stature, but lacking also in
width Of beam-sat in a street car
until he became tightly wedged in
from both sides. Then there entered
the a large. handsome
woman. upholstered to the minute.
She took the strap in front Of the
small. man, and was hanging to ii in
discomfort when the small ma arose
with a flourish Of po~liteness and
touched her on. the arm. :.
"Take my seat. madam" he said,
with a bow and q smile.
"Oh, thank you very much" she re-
piled. and turned toward the seat.
Then smiling senially again. she
asked:
"where did you get up from?"