The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1913-04-17
A Punster
Punished
By F. A. MICHEL

-2Hs you nc tue rate VI twenty KNOTS an
hour. but you are very soon either
saved or your troubles are ended. |
suffer under a misfortune that began
WITH my birth. was added to at my
baptism and has been endured ever
since. My fathers name was John
Darling. If he had named me John
for himself one-half my life's suffer
ings would have been avoided. but my
mothers family name was Roseda!e,
and was given that surname. | pre-
Sume should remember my parents
with reverence and affection. AS for
the latter. so l do. but how can one
revere pair of inteilects which even
combined were too stupid not 10 fore
see that |, as boy and man. would be
Rose Darling?
The trouble began when | first went
20 school. the boys suggesting that |
be ciassed with the girls. When l grew
older and joined "a musical club l was
asked II | sang soprano or contralto.
/ was called Rosie Dear. Darling Rose
Indeed. every play upon my name that
could be invented.
Foreseeins that a manly part in life
wss needed to help me to throw of
this suggestion Of effeminacy, | deter
mined to become a soldier | applied
10 the congressman Of my district. He
told NE that he had given out his
appointments, but ! saw from the
amused expression on his face that he
-
boy with such name. ! walked away
to the nearest recruiting station and
enlisted
knew what ! had to expect from
my comrades and ! was not diSap-
pointed | was soon given the soubri-
Guet OF "Sweetheart" and. except Off
ciaIiy. Was never called anything else
! bore 1t stoicaIly. When addressed as
Sweetheart or Rosie Dear" did not
complain. taking 1t AS matter Of
course-that is. pretending TO do SO.
though every time | was thus address
ed ii WIS like stab
resolved to be the best soldier in
my company. and was NOtwith.
staadiag my incubus ] was promoted
10 be corporal. then sergeant and final
ly orderly sergeant. When ! reached
the highest noncOmmisSioned office in
my company | secured an advantage.
It enabled me when on duty to compel
the men To address me by my right
maine. permitted them to call me
what they liked unotficially. but the
moment one Of them did so upon any
otticIa! occasion brought him up with
Il round turn. This gradually killed
the habit.
My service in the ranks was during
the last Indian troubles. and in fight
that occurred in attempting to drive
tribe Of redskins back on to their res
eryatiou /. preferring to die rather than
not gain something by which to bal
ance the disadvantage of the name IN
der which | lived. fought regardless Of
danger. The result was that when
we got back to the fort the colonel
commanding sent for me, compliment
ed NE aud told me that he had recon-
mended HE for commission. He
knew me AS Sergeant Darling. Darling
by itself Is not very bad name. and
with the commissioned officers should
gain respite. ] would be Mr.. Oar
ling and when | came to the next
grade above would be Captain OAR
ling Then | would get rid Of the Rosie
Dear" and all that.
But was doomed to disappointment.
found that the higher rose the more
i,I+ tnS h
ton takes many forms. The ambition
of the stupidest persons seems to be to
crack q joke And the stupider the
person the more reliant he is upon an
opportunity. When a few weeks later
the colonel sent for me to hand the
my commission found him looking at
the parchment with smile lowering
about his lips. With twinkle in his
eye he said half musingly.
"Rosedale Darling Rose Darling.
Ha ha. Mr. Rose Darling. am pleased
to greet you among the commissioned
officers of the army. | dare say you
will he very dear to the ladies Of the
garrison"
THANK you. colonel" | said forcing
Stil4S nat > a very SooO pun OI
yours. How did you happen to think
of itY''
"Oh. it's in the nams-Rose Darling.
Darling Rose. Rose Dear, see?"
Upon my word" | replied my face
lighting up with assumed surprise and
admiration. Excellent. wonder no
one ever thought Of it before"
Haven't they" His own face re-
hecung the pleasure in mine Well.
l suppose it's my sense Of humor."
Then and there 1 resolved that 1
would make bold stroke for revenge
upon him for INDUCING in that humor.
l had often seen a pretty girl of sew
enteen at guard mounting or dress
parade whom had been told was the
coloners daughter. laid siege to her
heart and after a struggle won her.
though the colonel tried to head me off
by trumplng up charges against me.
] was tried and acquitted. and | mar
ried the gir.. Since then every time
a Darling child is born to ME feel
that am giving my humorous father
in-law new stab. | have at times
been tempted to lay a incubus on one
of my own boys by naming him for