Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1913-03-13
Heard on the Streets
OF THE TOWN
BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN

: BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN
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VIII Hamilton says an optimist is one
who makes lemonade out of every lemon
handed him.
There is a girl here in Audubon who
has been engaged so long that she looks
as weary as an old marriedwoman.
Audubon has lady who can tell you
all about your past, present and future
She does it all without charge.
Some men have more luck than sense
An Extra woman, under a vow OF
silence, hasn't spoken to her husband
in six weeks.
Whenever woman looks at pretty
colored skirt on a wash line, she thinks
what shame that so much goods was
wasted in the tail.
If we kept still and never blew
About the kind of work we do,
Our friends and cash would quickly go
To those who never cease to blow.
Twenty loads of epson salts are to be
shipped to the Philippines. If the Demo
Gratis can't clean EN- out one way they
will another
The Audubon millinery stores have
been doing rushing business the past
few days That is, it's rushing the men
folks to save enough for Easter bills.
We know Douglas township farmer
woman who refuses to use any of her
egg money to buy tobacco for her hus-
band. Some women don't care how
much suffering they cause.
The fellow who tries to attract at
tention without advertising is like the
fellow who throws his sweetheart a
silent kiss in the dark. He knows
what he is doing-but nobody else does.
A man over in Carroll county dropped
dead recently while shoveling snow,
We know two men in this town who
will live to be years older than
Methuselah was, if nothing kills them
but shoveling snow.
A few thousand years ago wise
king remarked: "Seest thou a man dill
gent in his business? He shall stand
before kings" An Audubon business
man the other night stood on four
kings and it cost him $3.50.
In conversation with business man
ON Lower Broadway the fore part of
the week, he said he often noticed that
as soon as a man succeeds in getting on
Easy Street, somebody comes along and
begins to tear up the pavement there.
There are 5000, 900 Democrats who
send up the fervent plea: Lord, we
yearn for mansion in the next world,
but post office is good enough for us
in this vale of tears A part of the
above number live in Audubon.
We find we were mistaken last week
in saying that young lady in Viola
township was down with the mumps
She says she would like to see anything
that would keep her jaws still for half
day at a time.
Over at Coon Rapids lady weighing
200 pounds heard that Rough on Rats
would reduce flesh. She tried it. Her
husband lost 200 pounds in less than a
minute. She must have read it in
Sears & Sawbuck catalog.
A party from Gray who was here at
tending court last week said a man in
his vicinity had offered ten cents reward
for information as to bis wife's where
abOuts, who has left him. The way
some men love their wives is something
pathetic.
An 19-year-old blonde is offered as a
marriage prize to the young man whose
chickens take the greatest number of
medals at the poultry show in Atlantic.
Some young man who has been unable
to secure wife by fair means may now
su coed in getting one by fowl.
A small Audubon boy created great
deal of laughter at the dinner table last
Sunday while visiting relatives in the
country. The little fellow asked for
more milk and when informed by the
good lady of the house that there was
no milk SKINNED he said: "Idon't care,
Just leave the skin on"
A prominent Audubon business man
remarked yesterday that IF you be-