The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1913-12-22
cARABAo LYRIC AND BAD COLI
Y WORRY SICK ADMINS!
FTRATI0N.
BAD BUSINESS SITUATION AND
LACK OF REVENUE ARE 9TH
Err SOURCES OF WHITE
HOUSE WORRY.
"BEEGA DA BOSS" WATSON DROPS
IN TO LOOK AFTER SOME P0-
LITICAL PATRONAGE.
CHARLES Brooks Smith J

ovellokoed a few OF the jumps. Their
were good many high spots in thu
road and many low ones-absurdly
Here. on the swanp-grassed banks o
the Potomac, it was some weeks lem
phasis in, the right place, If yo'
please.
| The president opened the week
gayeties with a sneeze that br6ugh
| Secretary .Tumulty a-runningy fol
! lowed by blast on the nasal organ I
4 little clearer and q trifle higher3thal
any Minor 6. Baldwin ever attained
1t isn't considered precisely ethica
Ito directly quote. the caucus dictator
but at our imminent peril of2thG pill
lory, here goes: ''Tumulty, please
send Doc. Grayson at once. Imma
diatcly, the worst was known, Teach
or had cold.
| How he got 1t, nobody knows. No
even so latterly as know, in the houtt
of a well-advanced cOnvalescence
| Smmises there have been a-plenty
Strong hints OF a deep aud sablet
conspiracy on the part OF the pluto
rcratic reactionaries have 5een heard
lit wouldn't be past Wall street t.
slip him germs a Ia grippe, nor tllt
railroads either. nor the manufacture
crs who have suffered tariff-parine
Il.alrassments at his hands. Redlcit
and McReynolds lave been called in
on the job. It's u thick plot. but they
are the wisehelmers who can
| Wmiburns 1t If anybody can.
As il this ailment were not afflic'
ton enough But no: Ere the last
Ifaint echo OF that historic first
sneeze whispered itself into eternal
silence. the riOtious sounds OF reVelry
, we're heard in the banquet halls OF
the Carabao, tine shocking, cham
] paigne-l laden words and melody OF
that classical lyric, Damn, damn
damn, the lnsurrcctos, smote the
uufnine-buz2ing tympani of the
"watchrul waiting" invalid. Then
iloatcd out from this Bacchanaltai
rongh-housc OF swahbuckling ciVtii'
zcrs of our little brown brothers.
,he boom, boom of cannon. Twas
the guns Of the good ship ~. S" )
tirfIC" which sails the Bryany deeE
unloading cargoes Of clocuttonars
neace at every ChautauNuan port ant
taking on in return two hundred pei
land fifty per cent. of the gate re
ccipts. -,
II may be all right to joke an ad
ministralion when il is not a-bet
with influenza aches and pains. I
may look at It in broad way, ai.'
nretend, Offering up a forced smlI
Ms an evidence of its possession OF
sense of humor, that it doesn | care
nut to poke fun at a sick administra
,,on.~b eset with sneezes and snif51e
land "a. red, red, nose, is taking uasa'
advantage, don" you think? j A A!l6s
nave II Il poked at You by your ON
army and navy of which you are I'll
commander-in-chief, that hurts. Blu
IN such case as that, even sick-a
he'd administration has a come-0acF
II isn't like It was the GrId'ron cruz
. or a burlesQue by banquet Dunch'o
: irresponsible civilians, VINO at
mighty men at their home precinct
u on election days. Not at ALL Our
different case, in fast. Well sho'
'em.
So. there was held nGar-cout'
martial, an investigation, apologize
we're offered, explanations were mad'
,seph Daniels ordered all hands !
man the pumps, General Garrisoi
filled UP the guard houses with W
undisciplined, Bryan forgot the seri
business of the asperion on him as u
toxicabbed to catch u train for re-
Van. N. Y, which is a noted oasis Il
tho transformers Sahara, ana III
administration was given anothe
dose of quinlhe and hot bOneset tea
And the American people, gray
and hustling to meet the tncreasin
burdens of higher ascending cos
of living, but not yet-Allah %
Urn ised,--denuded Of that fanke
sense of humor, which has ever glVel
thc,n relief and sense Of protection
i, and noise in the hours of greatest ira
vail and tears-the American people
;, Lmoanin' no disrespect, sir, broke INT
: meals of hearty laughter which role
from coast to coast, and from th
rulf to the Canuck's line z
Thus the week began. K--er-choo
Excudsc me, pleadse.
Two White House conferences TIL
woek enable us to record a few de
pressing facts about the business o
the country which relieves US Of run
ring the risk Of being accused of cal
amity bowling. That is DCmocratl
T asset anyway when that party is no
in control and the country is oetnI
RIM by its opponents. But since 8
important an Individual as the presi
dent of the United States has taSel