The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-02-02

and reading country newspapers than
he does during a four-year term In the
best college. The city newspaper does
not help much--its daily edition Is but
little more than a telegraph summary
OF news. while the Sunday edition Is
hashed-up drayload of literary odds
and ends with a comic supplement,
highly useful in papering the walls
OF a village barbershop.
"The country weekly is undoubted-
ly the royal road to learning. Its seven
| column folio leaks real substantial ed
ucatfon, whether It's pot metal or hand
set The affairs of our neighbors are
sandwiched with bits of philosophy in
its sleepy blurred type-the great
moral lessons educed from current
events are set before the reader by
the gifted being who takes stovewood
and green apples for subscriptions. The
weekly sermon and the Sunday school
lesson is there, as well as the usual
column of advice as to how to raise
hogs. The country editor as long as
he is not in the poorhouse Is the great
est moulder of public opinion of mod
ern times and besides that he Is the
blue -blooded .4aristocrat and the jim
dandy patrician of the ages
The public should be constantly -
minded of the exalted lineage of the
high born country editor. A learned
ethnologist has recently exhumed an
Aryan tablet In Mesopotamla contain
ing statement that the first country
editor of that region hung out sign
reading: a. Schwndler Editor and
Proprietor of the Euphrates News,
and when Tob. the son of Puah, re-
monstrated with him on the crudeness
| of his name. suggesting that he hyph-
enate it into "A-Jones Schwindler,' or
'A-Ephrates Schwindler,' the editor
with tears In his eyes-responded.
can't do 1t, Ponder--my name is Ad-
am Which incident proves conclusive-
ly that this humble philanthropist was
directly descended from the first fam
lily. that grand old pippin raiser, Adam.
Desiring to forever set at rest specu-
lation as to the family tree of the
country editor and to show conclusive
1y that he Is not descended from Ions
line of Jail-breakers and horse thieves
IL have industrious1y poked about
among the entrails of an encyclopedia
for week and I hand you the result
of my labors:
81. The first family country paper
was a brick (See Josephus, Antiqui-
ties of the Jews, Tacitus, Ann. II, So
I.ucan IL, 323) and the first country ed
itor was also a brick Cadmus Greeley
,Phenecian crossroads publisher, first
introduced letters into Greece, nearly
otus " So, but Cad invented only 1t
letters to one alphabet and the gold
bugs dicked, swearing they wouldn't
| take any '16 to l. In theirs.
During the time of the Trojan war
Palamades added four more letters t,
J C'ads collection. and four additinal onei
| were afterward added by Simonide.
! tPlin, vii, sc, g, So. These two adders ex
| cused themselves for infringing on th'
alphabet by urging the obvious fact tha
q war correspondent was handicapped II
mendacity with q one-horse primer con
tanning only 16 A B C's. and that {
woman's federation of clubs was billie.
to convene at Athens on the Ides of No
i vember.
"The primeval country paper appeared
| in a variety Of startling forms, quite 6
wealth of material being used instead OF
paper plates of brass. pressed brick
wooden tables, bedspreads, board'
smeared with wax, eowhides, undershirt'
and burnt tiles respectively were dumped
as newspapers into the mail, boxes alore
| the rural routes. said weekly issues of tn,
rural press invariably containing all ths
! local news, sheriffs sales, society twaddlt
and tariff editorials, together with three
| columns of advertisement of Doctor Kill
| lem's Yahoo Filters. But the ordinary
| issue of the weekly sheets appeared as 9
! burnt brick, which no doubt gave rise Il
the oft quoted expression, burning
| thoughts" When the gifted country ed
| itor of the "Nile Son of Gun" wanted
| to blast his esteemed contemporary, "Ths
| Weekly Egyptian Brickyard," with thre,
columns of loaded matter on the inaccu