The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-05-30
lKansas City star.1

This is the story Of Cato, the kill
joy, who held office in Rome in the
days before the bosses had turned
the town into an empire. AS there
were no watchful Washington corre-
spondents at Rome in those days. the
bosses were able to do this and get
away with it., though not while Cato
was IN the job.
Our old friend Cato you will find
listed in the history books as Cato
the Censor, though some disgruntlec
persons around Rome said it ought to
have been Cato the Censorious. How
ever, for p~resent-day purposes. Cato
the Kill-joy, is equally expressive.
Cato's papa lived up in the country
Of the Sabines-you CERTAINLY remem
Der who they were-and he ran a
farm.
BY and by young Cato, wearying Of
the eternal round of feeding hogs,
packed his old gray telescope and
came down to Rome to start a career.
Now Cato was an honest lad who had
lavender silk socks in his life, anc
Rome was a great jolt to him. For
it was a tough town. Even New York,
with all its boosted iniquity, has new
er come up to Rome in many regards.
You see, the trouble with Rome was
it had started out to be very respect
able indeed. and then slipped. and
when a Puritan town goes wrong. it
is likely to go very wrong indeed.
Sounds Of ribald merriment fire.
quently disturbed the virtuous SUM-
bers of Cato, over in his modest room
in the Y. NJ. G. A., and one night.
when a cabaret show had kept him
awake until 4:30, he sat right up in
bed, clenched his fists and beat on the
pillow and vowed that one of these
days he'd get himself elected police
commissioner or something, and then
he'd saddle Rome with a lid it would
MT forget in a hurry. The which, as
You shall see, he did.
Though an honest lad. Cato had
chosen the law for his profession and
he dabbled in politics. as young at
torneys will. and finally, after the 10.
cal shandergasts had made them:
selves obnoxious. Cato was elected
consul. A consul in those days was a
sort of mayor OF Rome-only there
were always two Of them.
But it was eight years later that Ca.
to made his first spectacular line buck
against Roman luxury. A person
who bore the rather fiossy name Of Nj.
Fluvius Nobilior had just come back
from cleaning up the country of Ae-
tolia. wherever that is. and reducing
the Inhabitants to a properly hum
BILE frame of mind. Plans were made
for a triumph in his honor. Triumphs,
Q know. were sort of like priests OF
Pallas parades. only lore SO, and the
captives were dragged at the chario,
wheels and there We're free-for-all
games. and generally the town sup.
piled wine for anybody that wanted il
and everybody did, Of course. oh,
altogether they were very joyous &C.
casions.
Cato-and now you begin to ser
where he earned that kill-joy title we
bestowed upon him in the opening
paragraph-Cato said such perform
ances were all foolishness and a waste
Of the towns money that might bet
ter be spent for arc lights and i'm
proving the parks and boulevard sys.
tenn and paving the streets. Also he
went after General Nobilior rough.
shod. said he was a blooming silk
stocking and snob. that he wouldn't
put 1t past him to have his picture
taken in a dress suit and plug hat, and
that among other iniquities Nobilior
had kept poets in his camp. This
seemed to have ranked In Cato's hon.
est breast worst Of all: the idea OF
carting a bunch of poets along on a
camapign! However, there are things
to be said for Nobilior. Since poets
seem inevitable. is 1t not better to
have them along with an army, where
they at least run a chance OF being
killed, than to leave them at home ia
bring down editorial heads in sorrow
to the grave:
To get back to Rome, however
They went ahAad and. held the tri.
umph anyhow. Cato to the CONTRARY