Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1913-01-14
OLD FUNNY STORIES.
Reminiscent Of the South and the
West.

West.
The suckers" says the narrator of
the tale, are an original people, and not
a few good stories have their origin,
rise and progress among them. A
gentleman who was travelling in I'LL
MOS some time ago says he called at
house on the roadside to ask for a
drink Of water. when the following
colloquy took place between himself
and a boy who answered his sum-
mons:
Trayeler-well, my boy, how long
have you lived here?
Boy-I don't know, sir, but my moth
er says since was born.
Traveler-Have you any brothers
and sisters?
Boy-Yes, q few.
Traveler-How many?
Boy-Ten or eleven, reckon.
Traveler-Pretty healthy here. isn't
Bcy-Yes, but sometimes we have a
little ager.
Traveler-Any Of you got II now?
Boy-Yes, a few on us goin' to have
the shakes this afternoon.
Traveler-How many OF you?
Boy-Why, all on US, except Sister
Nance, and she's such cross critter.
that the ager won't bite on her; and II
1t did, she's so deuced contradictory
she wouldn't shake, nohow you could
fix 1t.
love to linger over these small be-
ginnings Of mighty things. It is as
though we surveyed the sources Of the
Mississippi and then travelled down to
New Orleans. Which reminds me that
I have little story of that fair city
which win cnme In most suitably here:
A ship, says the recorder, was re-
Gently lying In the harbor Of New Or
leans when an Irish emigrant came
aboard and thus addressed the cook,
whose nationality the recorder consci-
entiously explains. The present teller
of the tale Is not SO candid, but will
leave the secret to be OWNED. Said
the emigrant: Are yez the mater"
mol" responded he who was ad-
dressed. "Oi'm the man as cooks the
mate"
Which brings me inevitably to an
other steamboat story. Not long since
the narrator Is speaking Of so years
ago-a steamboat called the Old Ken
lucky, blew up, near Trinity, at the
mouth Of the Ohio, by which accident
lady rejoicing in the name Of Jones lost
her husband and her trunk, for both OF
which an action was brought There
was, strange to say, great difficulty In
proving that the late Jones had been
on the boat at the time Of the expIo-
sion, that worthy having been notori-
ously drunk on the wharfboat Just as
the steamer left Trinity.
Many witnesses were examined to
prove the fact, until finally a Mr..
Deitzmar, q German, was placed upon
the stand. Our friend, James Smart,
was attorney for the boat, and elected
this testimony from Mr.. Deitzmar:
"Mr. Deitzmar, did you know the
Old Kentucky?"
yah. I was blown up NIT her!"
Were you on board when she col
lapsed her fiue?"
wen she busted de b'iler? Yah, I
was dare"
Did you know Mr.. Jones?"
ITO be sure. I took passage toged-
you did? When did you last see
him on board the boat?"
well, I didn't see Mr.. Jones on board
de boat last time!"
Mr.. Smart, certain that he had won
his case, with a triumphant glance at
the jury, asked:
You did not? Well Mr.. Dietzmar,
when last did you see Mr.. Jones?"
We'll, when de smoke-pipe and me
vas soin' up, We met Mr.. Jones comm
down."
To get down little further south.
to Florida An officer asked an old
tame Seminole how he got a living?
"Oh," said he, II preach"
Preach" interrogated the officer.
who pays you? What do you get?"
"Oh, / sometimes gets turkey, some
times potato an den hominy!"
II should think" said the officer,
that was damed poor pay!"
Yes" said the Seminole, "but p'raps
it's damn poor preach!"
Another yarn with a theological
twist. This Is said to come from North
Carolina:
A negro preacher, referring to the
Judgment Day, cried out: Dare shall
be weepin' and gnashin' OBJ teeth! and
dem what's got no teeth will hab to
gum it,"
Here is another little sermon, in a
contrasted key:
"Bredren an sistahs, in dat day de
Lord sail divide de sheep from de
goats, an bress de Lord, we knows
which wears de wool"-Charles john
ston, in Harper's Weekly.