The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-10-18

One day an old farmer came into
a city store and asked to see some
clocks. The clerk showed him some
cight-day clocks. which he told him
would u eight days without winding.
The farmer looked perplexcd for a
minute and then said: YES. but if
they will run eight DAYS without wind
in 9 long will they run if you
wind EN-
John. who was going to bed one
i night. and having no light, was crop
ing his way (the bed being one of the
o,d-fashioned, with high bedposts).
John. in feeling for the bedpost, miss.
ed it with his hand and struck it with
his nose.
"Ach." he yelled. That is the first
time 1 knew my nose was longer than
my arm"
y New England farmers wife laio
down the magazine that she had been
reading and soulfully sighed. Her
husband glanced up from his news
paper.
What's the matter. Mariar?" ask
ed the old man. Have We finished
that story?"
Yes; Henry answered Maria,
Just this Very minute"
Il s'pose." said Henry. resuming his
paper. that it ended happy?."
Yes" answered Maria. THE beau
tiful heroine got vel a long spell. of
sickness. an what's more. the story
gives the name and the price Of the
medicine that cured her.
On II occasion DIR. Francis War
ner was trying to bring back to con-
seriousness ., woman who had had a
paralytic stroke. His efforts seemed
to be- in vain. For q time her. utter.
npces We're only the rawlings Of delir.
ium. but all at once she sat up in bed
and. looking straight at DR.. Warner.
She cried out: "Oh. you funny old
man." ~
All" said DIR. Warner cheerfully.
New she's beginning to talk sense"
He had just reached the philoso-
phical stage when he slipped into q
restaurant for a bit to eat. Te or.
dered. Then he sat staring ahead.
quietly thoughtful in expression, and
waited.
1t is admitted he did some waiting.
too. What happened to his order
couldn't be understood outside the Pc
culiar restaurant. but.he spent half an
hour sitting there staring ahead OF
him.
At last it came. AZ the waiter put
the order before him, he started from
his deep study. as il he had forgotten
he had an order Coming. Then, look.
bles. lie said:
You don't look a day older"
A fishwife entered a. tram car. ana
thought she recognized another pas
senEer as ar a%cqnainta nee. Accord
ingly. che bent forward and with an
ingratiating smile said. That's you.
isn't it? I hardly . ye."t
AYE. that's me-" replied the other.
and that's you isn't it: How are
ye?."
"Oh, Am nae that bad was the
reply. After this silence ensued and
the first speaker. on further scrutiny,
became convinced that the woman OPP
posite was not III acquaintance. after
all. Again she bent forward and with
an Apologize smirk. remarked: "But
that's a you at a."
Nae" replied the other. Its nae
name o'us!!"
To the leader Of a band, jocularly
spoken Of in the locality as "the
worst in seven different countless"
there once came a man with a request
that the band play at o cousins flu
neral.
Us it a military funeral?" asked In
leader.
Not at ALL" was the reply. MY
cousin was no military nan in fact,
he was never interested in matters
military. Nevertheless. it. was his eX-
press wish that YOU band should play
at his funeral"
The leader was surprised and fat
tered.
is that so?" he asked.
Yes" responded the other. He
said he wanted everybody in the place
Ito be sorry that he died"