Norwich bulletin., 1913-05-20

doctors, that when you prescribe music for a cure for badness. nine out of ten will start taking piano lessons, l say splendid results can be obtained by constant practice on cello, harp, ban jo and accordion. For the sake of hu- manity it is hoped that few of the af ! flicted ones will resort to the accordI- on, as the fact is that the accordion IS supposed to produce curly hair, but a collec ton of those aSthmatic curls can not be acquired without an alarming increase in Dr. Pollock'S hotel, and It is doubtful if anyone wants to pay such an awful price for ringlets.
 Wind Instruments Fatal to Hair.
 The flute clarinet and harmonica are recommended for those who are de- sirous of acquiring an ordinary crop of hair. the flute being credited with produce floss of the silhiesS kind. Gould any of you imagine Tingley try ing to play the hute0 instruments that require a great dal of lung power comets trombones bass horns, etc. are to be avoided if the owner of a bald head wishes to retain the few re- maining ispS of evidence that his face once stopped at the hatband Wind in Struments are fatal to the hair. The average brass band cannot muster enough hair to stuff pincushiOn. EV- cry time a cornetist blows note, he ] I have it on reliable authority, that the elder Cassidy was once bugler. Now from a bass drum is the best that can be expected is bristles. not as welcome as hair, perhaps, but preferable to complete badness any day. It is like ly that men who can can afford the eX- pense will practice on all instruments in order that no guilty hair may es cape.
 Do net be surprised if you see men Of uncertain age dashing through Main street with music rolls tucked under their arms. Don't laugh if you meet one of your patients with one foot in the grave and both hands choking a concertina. He should be encouraged in his determination to delay his de- partue from here until his head is fit for publication. Barbers will be jubi- lant when they hear this announce ment, but 1 wish you all would please keep this cure quiet until Dr. Fried- mann is out of the country, as if this came out now, right on the heels of Friedman. they immediately would say the Hebrews are cOrneIing the hair morket as well as the consumption and money markets.
 But if it does one get uoised about do not he surprised if you see signs in barbers' windows announcing the giving away of harmoniCaS with every hair cut. With milllians of men sit ting up all night playing instruments in a Commendable endeaVor to raise hair, and other millions raising hell because of the uproar the antinoise societies will have their work cut out for them.
 Informal Responses.
 Informal responses were made in a humorous way by Dr. Pollock and Pro- lessor Farrell, and tho latter also re- sponded with beautifully rendered piano selection at the urgent request of the banqueters. who enthusiastical- ly apDlaudad the musician.
 Dr. Campbell and Dr. Howe, Dr.. Thompson Dr. West, Dr. Donohue. Dr. Stark Dr. Peck. r. Brewer Mir. Hoyt, r. Harper, Dr. Brophy. Dr. Louis Cas- cidy and Dr. Walker also made pleas ant but brief responses when called upon in the closing minutes of the banquet near midnight.
 The banquet closed with a toast drunk standing 10 those who had gone before and the singing of Auld Lang Syne.
 The committee in charge of the sue cessful affair numbered pr. w. T. Browne, Dr. ush w. I<imball Dr. Les ter E. Walker and Dr. Francis J. liar per