davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
GOOD SAMPLE OF RURAL WIT
Joke That Had Excellent Humor
Without Single Touch or
Thought of Malice.

II there is a difference between
rural wit and any other kind, it is this
that rural wit is mellower in flavor.
In this it resembles English wit; the
rough corners have been rounded of
by the attrition Of years, and more
nearly perfect jokes result.
Ira Beasore drove into town just
before the big rain the other day, and
he saw Orlo futile setting tubs and
barrels under all the spouts around
his house. So Ira pulls up and hol-
lers at Orlo:
Hey, Orlo! What We dofn'?"
Looks like rain, an I'm a-settin'
out these tubs SOS the woman can
have some soft water fer her washin'
Monday" answers Orlo, all innocent
like and not thinkin' about what a
great colder Ira is.
Shot says Ira. you won't git no
soft water"
why won't II"
Cause it's going to rain hard.
Haw-haw-haw! Git-ep!"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Strawberries in Literature.

DR. William Butler, who died in 1921,
is credited with the origin Of the re-
mark about the awberry The Lord
might have made better berry than
the strawberry, but he never did"
Thomas Fuller, the English divine and
historian, in his History of the
Worthless of England that has de-
lighted readers of more than two cen
turtles, styled DR.. Butler the Aesculap-
ius of his age. Izaak Walton in The
Complete Angler" said We may say
of angling as DR.. Boteler said of
Strawberries, Doubtless God could
have made better berry, but doubt
less God never did; and so if l might
be Judge, God never did make a more
calm, quiet, innocent recreation than
angling"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
TIPS FOR THE TIRED.

During the season of much laundry
work have the bath towels all of
Turkish toweling, so that there may
be no ironing Underwear of knit
ted goods, seersucker or crepe. Night
dresses can be bought of seersucker
which need no ironing
Work dresses of seersucker are an
other saving in ironing.
Use a fireless cooker to save the
heat and expense as well as the
time of overseeing the cooking.
Have picnic meals sometimes; break
away from the iron-clad rules and en-
Joy the summer weather
Do the hard and warm work early
In the day 1t is wonderful the
amount of work that can be done in
an hour before other people are inter
rupting.
Hunt up those books that you prom
Used yourself you would read, go TO
the woods, if you can, if not, to a
shady nook and take an hour or two
OF quiet
In these days of nervous break
downs, the ceaseless round of toll can
be greatly lessened if a day or an
hour once in a while can be taken in
quiet, where one can get acquainted
with ones own ideas and not lose all
individuality. These frazzled nerves
must have repose. For the woman
who has too much solitude, society is
the remedy; seeing people and broad
ening ones views by conversation, not
gossip.
Somebody has said that there are
three classes of people, those who talk
about people, those that talk about
things, and those who discuss ideas;
the last, of course, is the highest form
of culture. Let US watch our CONVEX
sation and see that we are not in the
lowest class.
One good woman who found a
treasure of a maid and wanted to
keep her from the bait Of her best
friend with higher wages, told her at
the end of year, if she would re
main with her two years longer she
would make her a present of fifty dol
lars. 1t is something to work for, and
nobody has succeeded in coaXing her
away. A smaller sum might be sufii-
cient to hold some of our maids. who
are always ready to move at the high
est bidders terms
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Even in the Child Mind

This incident was related by Mark
Twain with great glee about a certain
little girl friend who "shone as an
authoress." One day she handed her
devoted sympathizer the sheets Of a
story which read thus:
"A man was seated in a chair by
the fireside brooding over his trou-
bles. He was sad because his wife
was dead. Suddenly a specter ap-
peared before him, and it was his
wife. She said: Dear, l could not
bear to see you so sad and discon-
tented, so | have come to comfort
you. You must not be sad. You
must be bright and happy. 1t was
best that l should leave you when
did, because l was going to get di-
vorce.'"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
SOME HOT WEATHER DISHES.

Take a stale loaf of cake, or por-
ton of one. cut off the top and scoop
out the center, leaving a wall an inch
and a half thick. Crumble half of
the fragments into a dish, add half a
tumbler of raspberry jelly and a cup
of rich custard. Fill the case with the
mixture and heap over the top some
thick whipped cream, sweetened and
favored
Carrot Salad.-Cut small cooked car
rots in fancy shapes with vegetable
cutters, adding three chopped radishes
which have been peeled, half small
cucumber cut in dice and tablespoon
full of chopped green pepper; toss
lightly together and dispose in nests
of lettuce. Cover with the following
dressing: Whip half a cup of cream,
stir in gradually tablespoonful of
vinegar, half teaspoonful of salt, two
tablespoOnfuls of horseradish and a
sprig of mint chopped fine. Garnish
with olives
Steak With 5ananas.-Broil a steak
until we'll done, place on a hot platter
and spread with tablespoonful Of
butter mixed with the same quantity
Of chopped parsley. Serve with large
bananas cut in halves lengthwise and
fried in butter
Green Peas Cooked With Lettuce
Have ready quart of fresh peas and
a head of lettuce with the leaves we'll
washed Shred the leaves coarsely
and place with the peas over the fire
in boiling water; add a small onion
and bunch of parsley; cover and
cook for twenty-five minutes or until
the peas are tender. Remove the on
ion and parsley. Cream a fourth of
cup Of butter, add a teaspoonful Of
salt, a fourth Of a cup of flour, and
pepper to taste; add a little hot liquor
from the peas, and when smooth add
to the dish of peas and simmer six
minutes. Just before serving add
three tablespoonfuls of butter, turn
into vegetable dish and serve hot.
Bread and Butter Crisps.-Cut
fresh bread into thin slices, remove
the crust and roll, skewing with tooth
picks after spreading with butter
Lay in pan and brown in the oven
Remove the toothpicks and serve with
soup or salad
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Domestic Rreadmakinn-

With a fear of scarcity of bread
through shortage of flour, one recalls
Cobbett's view of the woman in the
house VINO, provided with materials,
still lacked a loaf "As to the art of
making bread" he wrote, 1T would be
shocking indeed if that had to be
taught by the means of books. Every
woman, high or low, ought to know
how to make bread; if she do not she
is mere burden upon the community.
Yet it is but too true that many WON
en- know nothing OF the making of
bread Even servant women
in abundance appear to think that
loaves made by the baker are things
of their pure creation-things, too, in
which no one else can participate.
Now, is not this an enormous evil"
Cobbett's words. however, failed to
touch the kitchen, for the enormous
evil" still exists!
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
ONE FATHER HAD OVERLOOKED
Small Girl Will Long Have Suspicion
That Her Beloved Daddy Was
Sinking Work.

Father" said little Ruth, appeal
ingly. why don't you stay at home to
work as other little girls fathers do ?"
Father, who, as the business mana
ger of a great corporation, has TO
travel extensively, smiled fondly at
his little daughter. I'D love to, Ruth, :"
he answered, but you see have to
earn a lot of money to take care of
my little girl and her mother, and
can't get enough work to do here at
home"
"Oh, father" cried Ruth, reproving-
ly, Il don't believe you've ever tried
hard enough! Why, l have seen a
sign out, Man Wanted lots and lots
of times. There was one over in front
of our grocery store this very morn
ing. '-Youth's Companion.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
No Place for Poor. Good Girl.

Where can the genteel poor girl
who finds herself in New York with
out friends get a room for a few days
while she is. seeking a permanent To-
atom" This question was asked by
Miss Kathleen Clayburn Comegys,
daughter of former district attorney
Of New Orleans, and who has made
a study of social conditions in New
Orleans. In answering her question
she said: There is not a real place for
such a young girl in this entire city,
which practically has every other
modern convenience and improvement
one could wish for. There are places
for servant girls and girls who have
gone wrong, but there is no place for
the girl of extremely meager circum-
stances who belongs to neither class"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
What She Wanted.

One day in the spring the orphans
from the asylum were taken in motor
cars out to the park A society wom-
an, accompanied by her stylish little
daughter, was driving through the
park in a big limousine car They
stopped and watched the procession
of little orphans, and the mother ex-
planned that the little boys and girls
had no homes and no fathers or moth
ers.
After she had finished she discov-
cred that her little daughter was al
most crying, and her eyes were filled
with tears
Why what's the matter, dearest?"
she asked.
"Oh, mother was the sobbing re-
ply. 4 want to be an orphan. Can
I?'-Harper's Monthly.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Remembered Thirty Teachings.

A woman who was left to the task
of bringing up two small children be-
gan early to train them to consider
necessities above all else They
could always look back to a home
trimming with comfort, although the
furnishings were simple enough. They
had warm clothing in winter and thin
clothing in summer, and as they asso-
ciated with the children OF wealth
they must have been thoroughly pre-
sentable. Habits are strong, but
sometimes they can be broken. The
son was the first to 60 out into the
big world and he easily learned new
ways Of spending. The daughter pre-
served her sensible, thrifty ways to
the last and she is drilling them into
children of her own by teaching the
value of bank book in addition TO
what she learned in her own child
hood
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

An English major with a penchant
for entomology asserts that the hor-
net is "a gentle, inoffensive creature,
very suitable for a pet" This re
minds one of an incident in the life Of
the late Lord Avebury. Travelling one
day on railway train with a pet
wasp in his pocket, he hurriedly
thrust his hand into his pocket to get
his ticket, and the wasp stung him. He
did not blame the wasp, however, as
his hurried action had frightened the
creature. Wasps have frequently be-
come pets, but the major is said to
be the first TO turn the hornet into
one.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
NUTS IN COOKERY.

Dietiticians give nuts valued place
in the list of wholesome foods, but we
are prone to forget that they are
concentrated form of food, and as
our diet needs bulk, to keep the diges-
tive machinery in good working order,
they should be used with foods that
give that added bulk.
Nut are rich in protein and fats, and
some have, like the chestnut. a small
amount of starch. One reason why
many people find nuts hard to digest
IS because of imperfect mastication.
A most delicious omelet may be pre-
pared with an accompaniment of
ing in the omelet put half cup Of
almonds in the pan, pour on the ONE
let and use great care to keep from
scOrching. Fold and serve with a hot
maple strip sauce poured over the
omelet
Nut Bread-This is bread particu-
larry nice for sandwiches without any
filing, although marmalade or orange
is very delicious with it. Sift togeth-
er two and a half cupfuls of -four a
teaspoOnful of salt. and three tea
spoonfuls of baking powder. Add
half cupful of sugar, a cupful of milk,
a well beaten egg. Mix we'll and add
three-fourths of a cupful of walnut
meats broken in bits. Bake in a mod
crate oven forty-five minutes.
Almonds au DiabIe-Blanch two
ounces of almonds and cut in shreds
lengthwise, using a sharp knife. Fry
in just enough butter to prevent burn
ing. Mix a tablespoonful of Worces-
tershire sauce, one tablespoonful of
chutney, two tablespoonfuls of
chopped pickles, a little salt and
dash of cayenne. Pour over the nuts
until thoroughly seasoned and heated.
Nut Sandwiches.-Waln Drowned
in a bit of butter and seasoned well
with salt, added to grated maple SUI
gar, makes a most delicious filling for
white bread sandwiches.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Already SUPPLIED.

An agent for automobiles accosted
a man who was standing in the main
street of the village.
Nov, sir" he said persuasively
after recOunting the advantages of the
various kinds of cars Il should say
nice runabout would be just the
thing for you"
Thank you. have one. She's in
this store buying a new gown"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Royalties That Dislike the Motor

The czar is, among European mon
archs, the one who makes the least
use of the motor car His imperial
majesty, in former days, registered a
vow that he would never enter such a
conveyance, and although necessity
occasionally compels him to break it,
his dislike for motors is undated.
When King Edward first took a car
with him to Denmark on joining the
big family party at Fredensborg one
year. neither the car nor his grand
father King Christian TX, could be
persuaded TO set foot in it.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Horrible Death in Elevator Shaft.

Powerless to move, a man named
Fulmer, employed at an abbattoir, lay
at the bottom of an elevator shaft at
Philadelphia, Pa, the other day, and
waited the descending lift, which
crushed him to death. The man had
fallen into the shaft, and his cries
for aid were drowned by the noise
of the machinery. The man fought
desperately against the freight laden
elevator His body was 1attened al
most to the thinness of paper
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

cannot praise your Vegetable Compound
too highly. Every woman should take
it at that time. | recommend it to
both old and young for female trou-
bles. - Mrs. EMILY SUMMERsGuL.
Swarthmore, Pa.
Baltimore, Nd. -" MY troubles began
with the loss of a child, and | had hem
orrhages for four months. The doctors
said an operation was necessary, but L
dreaded it and decided to try Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. The
medicine has made me well woman and
l feel strong and DO my own work. -
Mrs. }. R. PICKING, 1860 Sargent St,
Baltimore, Md.
Since we guarantee that all testimo-
mails which we publish are genuine. is it
not fair to suppose that if Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound has the vir-
tue to help these women it will help any
other woman who is suffering in like
manner?
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

on an emerald
background; slow.
ly crept over the
gentle slopes of
the golf ground
and peeped into
the rustic summer
house. Then they
danced in an CO.
quoted with the
woman sitting on
the bench till
growing b o | d e r
they turned her
hair to FURNISHED
copper.
The light and
shade cast by the
lattice played fan
tastically over her
face and figure
and threw dark
shadows around
the feet of the
man beside her.
The two sat in
silence for sever
al moments. the
mans voice break
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Odd Looklpn Trea

The giant pine at Wakanoura, near
Osaka, Japan, is a remarkable tree
the main stem Of which rises from q
mass of roots more than ten feet
above the ground. These resemble
the tentacles Of a giant octopus Oh
devil fish, giving it weird and uncan
ny appearance.-Boys' Magazine.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
He MAS.

You are looking for a job, | sup
pose" Laid Mrs. Tillinghast, ironical-
ly, to Tired Tatters, who was about
to speak, You have guessed correct
ly the first time, madam" replied Tat
ters. My application for a consulate
Is on file at Washington"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
SAVED FROM
OPERATIONS
Two Women Tell How They
Escaped heSurgeon'sKni
by Taking Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable
Compound.
Swarthmore, Penn. - I" For fifteen
years | suffered untold agony, and for

one period Of nearly
twoyears l hadhem-
orrhages a nd tn q
doctors told me l
would have to I'M
dergo an operation,
but l began taking
Lydia E. Pinkham's
We g e t a Bile Com
pound and a m in
good health now. I
am all ov er the
CbaDUa of Tira oDJ
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

Hicks CAPUDINE Is the best remedy
no matter what causes them-whether
from the heat. sitting in draughts fever
fish condition. etc lOc.. 25c and soc per
bottle at medicine stores. Adv.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

Try Hicks CAPUDINE. It's liquid-pleas-
ant TO take-efrects acknowledgement to prevent
Sick Headaches and Nervous Headaches also.
Your money back If not satisfied. lOc., Csc. and
kOc al medicine stores. Adv.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
IekG.e- IHe,<s.eN-.
Solitude.

Little do men perceive what soil.
tude is and how far it extendeth; for
a crowd is not company, and faces are
but gallery of pictures, and talk
but a tinkling cymbal where there is
no love-Bacon.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
More Happy Than Sad.

'At any given moment | will pro-
duce nine happy persons for every
miserable one," said the bishop of
London in an address at Queens col
lege for women recently.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

With a man. things go in at one
ear and out at the other; with a WON
an, they go in at two ears and rush
out at the mouth. "-Kingfisher Blue
by Halliwell Sutchliffe.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

This is the open season for young
men who slip all the poisoned ice
cream paragraphs from the daily
papers and show them to the dear
girls
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Indicator.

Crawford do you know our
daughter and her young man haven't
made up their quarrel YETI" Mrs.
Because the gas has been
turned up high all the evening -
Judge
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
ReNennA-

DO you object to children in this
fat"
Not at all. We merely bar phono-
graphs and lap dogs. Detroit Free
Press.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
lnexnerlenced Ludne.

A St Louis judge has decided that
tipping a porter is a voluntary act.
The judge evidently has not had much
experience with porters. Chicago
Journal
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
SGHoKTU1EN
la0zzGBNE$$P

with tablespoonful of Drowned flour.
The hygienic way of cooking vege-
tables is to drop them into just
enough boiling water to cook them,
and have nothing left when they are
done. This leaves all of the flavor
in the vegetables.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

The fellow who is looking for a
peck of trouble never had cause to
complain of short measure.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

The pen is mightier than the sword
when it comes to getting a fool man
into real trouble
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

Mrs Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces inhamma-
tion, alays pain, cures wind colo ,25c bottle.Ad
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

The man who praises himself is
never popular. especially with the peo-
pie who think he might better be
praising them
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Real Stuff.

rs he one of your promising citt-
zens?"
Better than that. He's one of our
old performers" detroit Free Press.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

The girl who fully intends to marry
her ideal usually compromises.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
More Than one Woman,s sb,-.

A Baltimore woman has applied for
her seventh divorce Some peo-
pie are never satisfied. Was hington
Herald.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
Main Point

Il would die for you, my darling!"
How sweet of you! Is your life
insured?"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

Turgot could not work well until aft
tr he had dined copiously. but many men
cannot think after a substantial meal;
and here in spite of the example set by
Scot and Goethe, let me observe that
nothing interferes so much with brain
work as OVer-eating.
p G. Hamerton.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

A small boy who doesn't get into
a scrap once in a while has made a
mistake in not being born a girl
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

The greatest efforts of the race have
always been traceable to the love Of
praise, as its greatest catastrOphies to
the love OF pleasure.
-Ruskin.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

A man plays the game of love for
pastime; a woman plays it to win.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

n COOKERY consists of the knowl-
~ edge of the mutual influences
of ingredients and the tudicious manage
ment of heat.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17
In THE FAINT AMBERS
BY STELLA MAY COFFIN. ,

The slant rays of an afternoon sun
turned the brook to a golden tracery
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

Only fool would try to stamp out
an evil with his bare feet.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1913-07-17

Believe me, every heart has its sorrows,
which the world knows not; and often
times We call man cold when he is
only sad. -LongfellOw.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1913-07-09
Y. Z l1HEfoi. LAwHH
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2AIr0W, yts411A.
Hanmanaaion Of Ess, ask Ma
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