Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1913-01-17

eat and drink amt good for him, and
anyhow they cost too much.
When a man wears good clothes it's
a cinch that somebody has to work
for them. either himself or his wife.
liz all the young gentlemen who hang
around the pool rooms would go to
work. this life would be a lot easier
for the rest of US.
never yet saw a postmaster who
was against the governmental least
a
THE HOMELY MAN.
The homeliest man | ever see was
Ebenezer Brown.
He was a sort of a laughin' stock for
folks here In our town.
The jokers all told Eben that his face
would stop a clock.
II he looked at a pan of milk, it
turned sour from the shock.
The gals all turned pool Eben down.
They didn't like his style.
The pretty fellers had him beat by
many a long mile.
So Eb got mad and went away and
stayed for quite a while.
And managed to accumulate a neat
and nifty pile.
The pretty fellers stayed around and
fiirted with the girls
And took EN- to the huskin's and the
other social Whirls.
No one of EN- was doin' much but
Twin with their folks,
And settin' in the grocery store and
crackin' funny jokes.
One day Eb came back into town upon
a private car.
He a a diamond shirt stud that
would twinkle like a star.
He didn't care for money and he
OlOW0O 1t right and left.
He had a bank roll that a feller couldn't
hardly heft.
He set the DID folks up for life and old
in modest style
About the way he'd gone ava and
gathered In his pile.
Ell was just as homely as he ever was
before.
Perhaps a little more so than he was
In days of yore.
Gut still 1t dawned upon the pretty fe.-
lers might quick
That Eb would simply go among the
girls and tax his pick.
He took a good long time to choose,
did Ebenezer Brown.
And then he we'd the prettiest gal in
all the gol ding town.
Contortionis.-Man who can undress
in the upper birth of a sleeper.
Gontributor-An ultimate consumer.
Convention A crooked political
meeting very popular with the an
clients.
Copperheads-Man who Ices not
agree with YOU on politics. See also
m~alefactor. demagogue. imbecile. liar,
horse thief. etc.
Cornet--An instrument of torture.
Corset-A a deceiver. which
doesn't deceive anybody.
Count-A gentleman who has
no money.
Courtship-A- reriod IN a mans life
when the foolish house gates are Just
yawning for him.
Cow-An old fashioned animal tina
will be appreciated by the auto
mobile.
Cuban-Msn who isn't happy unless
he's unhappy.
THE WET BLANKET.
Old Uncle Peter never had
A single happy day.
Because YOU see old Uncle Pete
just wasn't built that way.
Whenever the sky was cloudless and
The sun came out real bright.
"A weather breeder" he would say.
you'll see that l am right"
When anybody had the sand
To open up a store. !,
Or 20 in any business.
Old Uncle Pete would roar:
by gravy. but that mans a chumn
Times are so gOl ding tight
That he will never make his salt.
You'll see that l am right"
When folks began to figger on
A railroad for the town.
Old Uncle Peter was dead set
On burnin' of it down.
He said a railroad Is all bosh.
Won't help this town q mite.
Twill only kill our sheep and hawgA
"You'n see that I am right"
One day old Uncle Peter died.
A cynic to the end.
He kicked until the very last,
And never would unbend.
But still he was contented az
With death he made his tryst,
Because he never really knew.
How much of life led missed.
ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER.
Lem Haskins bought a brindle heifef
10 years ~ and he amt got through
lawn about 1t yet.
It seems AZ though the fellers that
r all earl and nose get their pitcher
In the paper the most.
There are burned few fellers that
know lore h . the station agent
down to the railrud depot in . small
town.
A good many fellers have los their
money BY bein' willing to invest 1t in
z town where the people are perfectly
c0ntented to 80 around nights Carry
ing barn lanterns.
4 7. purity hard I put anythlns over
the newspapers too much. .
No woman ever buys . corset from z
tin peddler NOR than -once.v