The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-15
ON TIE SPUR
or THE MOMENT
The Modern Magazine.
BY ROY K. MOULTON.

Pictures of Is on 20 actresses, most
of them riding in their own automo-
biles through Central Park. The autos
are of PAPER mache and belong to the
photographer and Central Park is
painted on a back drop.
One illustrated article on pony polo,
which nobody plays nor cares anything
about.
One love story containing seven
pages of soft boiled conversation, one
hero, one heroine, one touring car and
one minister.
Picture of girl entitled Summer or
August or July or something
equally foolish.
One youmerous story by Ellis Bar
ker Putler which is almost but not
quite as good as Pigs is Pigs
Hints to Mothers and Housewives
and Advice to the Lovelorn," by Miss
Beatrice BeeswaX, who is a bald
headed old editor wearing whiskers
and smoking a corncob pipe.
Nine yards of poetry that nobody
can understand and which reads like
the vail from the incurable ward of
an insane asylum.
Three pages with the editor in which
he promises a better magazine next
month.
One hundred and 81 pages of auto
InOD1Ie advertisements ana ZbS pages
of breakfast food advertisements.
The Diary of a Bonehead.
A sail boat is a thing whose floor
sets at an angle of 90 degrees, through
force of habit when there is no wind
blowing and whose floor sets straight
up and down like a dining room wall
when there is a breeze.
A man to be an expert sailor should
have vacuum cups in his feet like a
fly so that he can walk right up the
face of a fiat surface that is stood on
end and weighing furiously.
I had always watched the cute
things as they darted about the bay,
hither and yon, splitting their loads of
precious human freight at least three
or four times every trip and marveled
at the foOlhardiness of amateur sailors.
If any man had predicted that 1 was
going out in my friends sail boat, 1
would have called that person a liar.
l think my friend got me aboard by
resorting to hypnctism. At least I
didn't realize it at all until we were
40 rods from the dock and gaining
Roadway every second. l was so ter
rorized that 1 lay fiat across the deck.
When the yacht heeled over one way,
once 1 felt the water up to my knees.
When we heeled over the other way,
my head was under water as far as
my collar button
They were a jolly lot of dogs on
that vessel They took a drink ali
around while the deck was occupying
a perpendicular position and the sail
was almost lying fiat on the water.
They said they hoped the old sloop
would tip over, as they hadn't had a
particle of real excitement thus far
summer.
At that the skipper gave a vicious
jerk at the tiller and we slowed
around like $500 automobile taking
a corner on a slippery afternoon. The
boom swung around and knocked
three of them into the bay and then
we tipped over.
The life saving crew got me about 9
o'clock that night after 1 had f1oated
all around the bay seven times on the
upturned boat The rest of the party
swan ashore and had a fish supper
at the hotel which 1 had planned
earlier in the day. / was the host but
they got along very we'll without me.
They called me a gay old dog and
maybe 1 am, but I am not a water
spaniel. Never again on a sail boat
for your Uncle Abijah.