The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-06-24
ABatch Of Smiles

What a lively baby" said Flaher-
". have We had his picture took yet,
l dunno?'
Not yet said Fogarty, the proud
father. we thried to, but afther an
hours lost labor the photygrafter ray
1erred US to a movin' picture studio"
n well known judge was recently
automob1llng and his chauffeur was
driving at a fast pace. They didn't
see the dog, but suddenly they heard
his "ki-yi'. and the judge ordered the
chauffeur to stop. Going back, they
found an angry woman standing over
a dead dos-one of the ugliest dogs
imaginable. She saluted the Judge in
no uncertain terms. telling him wha.
she thought of him and finished by
calling him the murderer" of her dog.
n Judge. thinking to pacify her.
SAID: Madame, l shall be glad to re-
place our dog"
Sir" she said in a freezing yoice
you f1atter yourself"
Why, Mary" remarked a mission
school teacher to a child, bidding her
good night, see how dirty your hands
are"
The little girl regarded them rue
iu!lE for a moment. Then her face
frightened. No matter" she said;
it'll all rub off in bed"
A doctor was summoned to a police
station to examine an unconscious
prisoner. The prisoner, very muddy
n ~disheVelled, lay on the floor of
the cell. The physician bent over and
examined him, and then, rising, said.
IN a loud. stern voice.
This mans condition is not due to
drink. He has been ~drugsed."
A policeman turned pale. and said,
in a timid. hesitating voice:
I'm afraid we're right, sir. /
drusged him all the way-a matter of
a hundred yards or more"
The doctor was once called in to
treat the spoiled child of the family.
After his departure the mother re-
turned to the room and told the child
that the doctor had complained that
he had been very rude to him.
oh, mamma" replied the child,
hes just an old fogy. He got angry
because put my tongue out for him
before he asked me-"
Don't you think. DEAR began
Comfy, that our next door neighbors,
the Scrubbs, are putting on a great
deal too much style. considering the
fact that they never know from day
to day where the next meal is coming
FROM"
WELL" replied Mrs. Comfy, you
see, the more style they put on the
more likely they are to be invited out
to dinner"
A Baltimore woman who had never
had a garden was unexpectedly af-
forded the opportunity to possess one
wherein she could do just as she
pleased. 1t was, therefore, with care
full study that she perused the seed
catalogues. One day her husband
came home and found her deep in its
illustrated pages She had a long list
Of seeds written on a sheet of paper,
which, h announced. contained the
seeds which she wished her husband
to procure for her.
You want these flowers to bloom
this m don't you," asked her
husband, after looking at the list.
Why. yes"
We'll, then, it may interest you to
learn that those you have put down
here don't bloom until the second
summer"
"Oh. that's all right" said the wife.
II am making up my list from a last
years catalogue"
~ Our product is thoroughly tested
before leaving the factory. No mar
can sell stuff today that has not been
tested"
We manage to sell our produc,
without testing it,"
That's odd. What do you sell?"
Dynamite"
A tightwad making a cinch bet al
ways tries to spread the impression
that he is a True Sport.
We respect our pastor very much,
for he never calls Sunday afternoon
to inquire why We were not at church
Sunday morning.
naturalized citizen can't be elect.