The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1913-05-02
FROM GOOD TO BAD.
But His Crouch" Was Cured
When He Fell Into Wild
owls Well.
BY A lNEz A c


continued to be so known for several
years after marriage, and then folks
began asking each other what allied
James Baker,
Mr.. Baker began to shirk his debts.
He grew sulky and sullen. He seldom
laughed or smiled. He seemed to be
carrying a crouch around with him
from week TO week. His wife finally
left him and got a divorce and then
James became meaner than ever.
There were many theories and argu.
ments as to the change from good to
bad. Drink hadn't brought it about.
1t wasn't loss of property. He and his
wife we're not compatible nor compan-
ionable, as was generally known, but
that fact should not have soured him
on the whole world.
Then a travelling quack doctor came
along and solved the mystery. He
didn't have to ask Baker any ques.
lions nor look at his tongue nor feel
his pulse. He just asked him to buy
a box Of his anti-bilious, a"nttcatarrh
anti-consumption and anti-forty other
things, and when told to go to the hot
place he let the cat out of the bag.
What allied James Baker, and what
had allied him for years, was the fact
that he was a mummerette. The name
should not be tangled up with suf-
fragette. A suffragette. the learned
doctor explained, was a female that
longed to poll a vote and butt in. A
mummerette was a small insect in
digenous to Persia and Egypt. They
were rare these days, but in the long
ago when they wrapped their dead in
ten-cent shifting and allspice the mum
merette was joyously winging his way
from branch to branch. Now and
then he fell into the soup and was
wrapped up and buried with the dead.
When a museum mummy who had
had on Sunday buds for a matter of
five thousand years came to have them
peeled off her, out jumped the num-
merette and began to take up life
again and be joyous.
: James Baker had swallowed a flying
mummerette. and that was what had
brought the change. The insect was
gnawing away at his vitals. Every time
he took a bite the victim wanted to do
something mean The anti pills would
cure him in a month by killing off the
insect, but as the man wouldn't have
them, let him go on being mean and
end on the gallows.
Two or three days after the doctor
had explained things and moved on,
Mr.. Baker started in to fell a tree
the highway. It was on his own
land, of course. but as the hummer.
cite was biting rather hard that day
he man didn't care which way the
-ree fell or what damage 1t did. The
Tree fell across the road Just as the
Widow Armstrong; COW came saun.
-ering along to see what was up and
was made pulp Of.
That COW was valued at $35 and Mr.
Baker had been crlminally careless
He wouldn't pay a red cent. however,
md when the widow sued she was
beaten on ome technicality.. She was
1 poor woman and she and her daugh-
.er had to do dressmaking. The
laughter was in love with and en-.
Iaged to marry a young farmer named
Stevens. Stevens was a cousin to Ba.
xer
Not content whit killing her COW
set out to make things uncom
'ortable for the widow By means Of
tales he got up a quarrel between
lovers, and was thinking up other
mean things when Nemesis took a run.
ling jump and landed on his back. Be
ng at work near the Widows house
one day, and thinking he had seen
both women go out, he climbed the
to get a drink Of water at her
we'll. As he started to pump, the plat
.orm gave way, and down tumbled the
nan Of the mummerette. When he
brought up he was Is feet below the
and in cold water up to his
waist.
Mr.. Baker was mistaken in thinking
had seen both women go out. The
laughter had gone alone, while the
mother had lain down to take a nap.
The crash at the well aroused her and
she hurried out to peer down and
lsk.
rs anybody down there?"
yes, l ami" was answered.
ITS Mr.. Baker, isn't it?'
Yes. Your blamed old well Is a
nan-trapl I'm half killed and shall
'ue you for heavy damages"
I'm so sorry you fell i'm
THAT don't do me no good. How am
to, get out?"
Wen think Of a way by and by.
Nait'til get a chair. l want to have
talk with you"
"But ! don't want a chair!"
The widow fetched out and seated
herself as near the we'll as was safe
ind began:
NOW, Mr.. Baker. you know you kill.
ID my COW"
"The law cleared me-" he replied.
but everybody says / ought to be
,aid. Have you no fairness about
vou?"
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