davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-09-17

Exclusive Of the United Kingdom.
fha area Of the British empire is IL
I'll coo square miles. n the last -
wears It's population increased from
800 l,o9o 10 81, 1S3, 600.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-09-17
WEST GUILFORD.

There will lie a game OF bah on the
iynde and Thomas farm Saturday after
noon All are welcome 40 come and to
play
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-09-17

The present has cards and spades
upon what happened few weeks ago.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-09-17

Begins Suit In London to Establish
Estates of the Head of the Well
Known Beresford Family-His Birth
Concealed.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-09-17

O. ". Tyler has gone to North Adams
entering the employ oil Rufus Brown <
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28

that its inspired periods flowed tor
rentially from the seething soul of old
Prexy Huerta every time he received
an ultipomatum by special delivery
from Washington, gets my angora, as
the ancient Greeks used to say. That
isn't idiocy-it's just plain, everyday,
common-garden lunacy."
You can't side-step the point that
way. Mr.. idiot" smiled the Biblio-
maniac. in intellectual tangoing you
are some expert all right, but you can't
draw any herrings across my trail.
You advanced the proposition that Co
lumbus was the originator of the idea
of the Panama Canal, and / call for a
show down of the evidence
20 we'll" laughed the Idio:, Il don't
think it is going to require any John
Doe proceedings to get to the truth of
that matter. History is plain enough
on that point. When Queen Ferdinand
and Isabella hypothecated her royal
headlights, AID put the Spanish Court
on half-rations for year in order to
supply Columbus with funds to carry
on his expedition. she didn't do it be-
cause she wanted 10 put a few more
Azores on the rIap, or place Ellis Is
land and Palm Beach under the con-
troll OF CASTLE. Not shel That canny
old lady had her eye upon the riches
OF the Indies. She wanted a few neck
laces of pearls like those worn by the
beauties of the Eas: of which she had
heard that at a distance of ten yards
they w,re indistIngu;shable from hens
eggs. Returning travellers had told
her Majesty marvellous tales of dia-
monds so large and brilliant that peo-
pie seeing them. from afar would have
thought they were locomotive search
lights if there haG 0Ccn such things as
locomotives in those days. 1t had
somehow crept into her Majesty's con-
sciousness that jewels, rich beyond the
widest dreams of avarice, were so
much OF a drug on the markets of the
East that the children of the Orient
used rubics in thei- bean-snappers, and
played iacl-ston.S with emeralds and
sapphires: and she had been given to
believe that the innocent natives of
that far off region were so little con-
scious of the real value of these treas
ures that they'd gladly swap off a
trunk full of assorted gems worth a
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28

"Sure I do" said the Idiot. NO
body else, my dear Mr.. Bib. Who did
you think it was, Jack Johnson OF
Mrs. Pankhurst?"
You make me tired" said the Bib
liomaniac. 81 have supposed many
times in the past. my dear sir, that
you had reached the supreme, superal-
pine, submits of sheer idiocy, each
time finding you capable of even high
er flights into the brair-storm zones
above us; and perhaps I should not be
surprised at anything you are able to
say or do, but I frankly confess that
this time ycr have got me going with
notion so splendi1ly foolish as to
entitle your name to 4 tablet on the
walls of Matteawar. II you are going
to claim that Columbus was the inven-
tor OF the Pan2ma Canal idea, why
rot go OF and attribute to him the in
vention of the pumpkin pie; hail him
as the illustrious founder of Tammany
Hall; solve one o. the greatest mys-
teries of the age By placing upon his
brow the lau-els Of the man who
struck Billie Patterson; settle the
Peary-Cook dispute ty making him the
locator OF the Pole; and finally en-
shrine him in tie hearts Of the Ameri-
can people foreve- as the author OF
that most notable bit OF American hc-
ton, the Declaration of Independence ?
Why stop with a little thing like the
Panama Canal when by virtue OF his
alleged Discovery Of America YOU may
make of him anything you like, from
the cau;e OF Murphy's defeat i'll New
York to the original tliscoverer OF Sem
ator Jimham Lewis:'
I'm afraid idiocy is catching" said
the IDIOT, drawing away shrinkingly
from the Biblioman;ac as if apprehen-
sive OF infection Il guess I'll have to
ask you to vaccinatc me, Doctor he
added, addressing DR.. Capsule. ~
don't mind ny own mildly chronic at
tacks of General Dlppiness of the
Brain-Pan, because .cu see I'm used
to them-but Mr.. Blb's kind OF brain
storm strikes me cs violent and viru-
lent, anL l think we should be inoc
ulated at "nce against it. How any
man with all the evidence to the con-
trary before hin c.r set up claim
that Columbus wrote the Declaration
of independence wien we all Kaow
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28

indifference 10 me. As long as l an
abe 20 earn seventeen dollars a weel
to cover my board and laundry bills
with enough left over to cure me ot
the smoking haiti with three fve-cen
perfectos a Gsy who saw America frs
doesn't bother me in the least"
Then why do you wish to have Co
lumbus so signally honored?" demand
ed the Bibliomaniac. Barring his
spurious claims to the discovery oi
America he cIrely never did anything
else to eptitIe him to such an honor
unless you believe that that foolish act
of his in making a cold storage egg
stand on lis hind-legs was worthy OF
the laurel"
WELL" said the Idiot, reaching out
absent-miadedly and appropriating the
Biblionlaniac's waffies, lust as it was
proper that tine inventor OF the Tele-
phone should have the honor of being
the first to talk through it; and just as
no right-mindci man would grudge
to Marconi the distinction of transmit
ting the first message TO go by wire
less; so it seems to me quite fitting
that the first official passenger to &c
through the Panama Canal should be
the man who invented the idea of the
Canal. Now it unfortunately happens
that mans allotment of years being
limited to three score and ten, with a
liberal discount for good behavior, the
chap who first suggested the Panama
Canal balS in the late eighties of the
fifteenth century is defunct He has
ashed to ashes, and busted to dust
He represents the broadest interpreta-
ton of that dear old Latin phrase, De
Mortuis Nil Nisi mountaineering
the dead there is nothing but bones.
All that is left of him is a remnant of
ossifcation that has been buried so
often, only to be subsequently dug up,
as to prove beyond all question that it
is impossible to keep a good man
down. Unable to honor the complete
man, what is more fitting that that we
should lavish this last token of our
respect upon his bones"
"You-you don't set up the prepos-
ferrous cliim that Columbus invented
the idea of the Panama Canal, do
you?" demanded the Bibliomaniac with
double note of protest and incred-
ulity in his voice.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28

or the difficult task of putting their
ships on wheels and dragging them
across the sandy reaches OF the 18th
mus of Suez, Columbus assured her
Majesty that by sailing due west he
would find another waterway to In
dia. By observing the habits of the
sun he had come to realize that the
world was round like an orange
curvilinear like a cylinder, or ellipti-
cal like a lemon, and without ever
having read Kipling he knew that new
ertheless Kipling was geographically
wrong when he said that East is East,
and West is West, and never the
twain shall meet. He knew that some
where the East and West formed a
merger, and he set out to find the pas
sage that led from the one to the 9TH
er."
"And he didn't find itl' said the
Bibliomaniac, scornfully.
"Only because he was little ahead
of time" said the Idiot. IF he had
waited four hundred and twenty-five
years he'd have found the thing ex-
actly as he had planned. The poor old
boy was too impetuous to wait. He
had family to support on an income
of nothing a year, and he was afraid
that il he waited four or five hundred
years before getting busy his credit at
the corner grocery might be impaired.
Now those are the real facts of his
tory, Mr.. Bib. 1t may be true that
Columbus never really discovered
America. 1 have grave doubts myself
if he ever in his most inspired pro-
phetic moments foresaw Chicago, or
Oklahoma; and doubtless if you had
asked him what he thought of the
Monroe Doctrine he'd have had to
confess that he had never heard of
the darned thing, but in the definite
pre-visualization of the Panama Canal
Christopher Columbus was on the job
from A to z. 1t was a part of his
scheme, and the most essential part al
that, because if it hadn't been for that
Queen Ferdinand and Isabella wouldn't
have given him seventeen cents, much
less pawned her waterbury watch to
buy him reund trip tieks.s
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28

20 WE'LL" said the Bibliomaniac, "let
i go. I'm sure | haven't any objec-
ton to their giving his poor old bones
a free ride, bu:," he added with a
chuckle, they'll have gay time find
ing them. Columbus has been buried
in almost as many places as Homer
was born in Down in San Domingo
they've got a first class grave where
he is said to be reposing in melan-
choly state Over in Spain | under
stand there is hardly a city of the
first, second, or third class that can't
sport a grave of Columbus. know
at least a dozen well-informed people
who claim that his remains are stili
lying in the Cathedral at Havana.
There are enough bones OF Columbus
in existence at the present time to
start a phosphate trust, and it will
take a good many Congressional In
vestigating Committees to decide which
are the real bones and which are the
counterfeit. If we go into the thing
it'll cost a million dollars to identify
the remains, and even then they'll
probably get it wrong, and the upshot
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28

I of the whole business will be that thai
free ride will be enjoyed by a set Of
ribs and shin-bones that belonged TO
some prehistoric Spanish mule-driver
whose workmanship consisted solely
in leading some ancient jackass to the
town pump. Go ahead-give the bones
rice. 1t will add to the gayety OF
nations, and will provide the world at
large with a new joke, which is
thing we haven't had for many long
day.
There is something in what yoI
say" said the Idiot, "but after all
there is a way out of that. We can
charter one of our big transatlantic
steamers and simply load her up with
all the bones they can dig out of every
Cathedral, Church, Cemetery, or Grave
yard, in which Columbus could con-
ceivably have been buried. In that
way the real bones will get their due,
and it won't hurt Columbus or his
fame to have a lot OF other ashes
socially mixed in with his own"
The Idiot paused moment, and then
he resumed.
Il think, however" he observed
q,:ietly, that alongside of these bones
there should at least be two or three
others of a later period
"Whose?" queried the Bibliomaniac.
"Teddy's," said the Idiot. Teddy
Roosevelt's. If Theodore Roosevelt
hadn't shown his teeth at the psyche
logical moment that Canal wouldn't
have been, and 1 think that in recog-
milton of that fact at least two of his
molars, and an eye-tooth, should also
be provided with honorary transporta-
ton"
The Bibliomaniac roared with laughter.
81 guess you'd have a hard time
pulling his teeth" he said.
"Well, then" said the Idiot, IF he
won't consent to having his teeth
pulled. send the whole set along. Let
the Colonel sit up there on the first
PROV himself. He would be an I'M
pressive figure, and after all at this
wedding of the Atlantic and Pacific,
what could be more appropriate than
that he should be best mslS
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28

81 haven: said anything about Co.
lumbrs discovering America" said the
Idiot. I'll leave it to anybody at this
board here if | have as much as said
boob on the subject of the Discovery
of America. | don't know enough
about the Discovery of America to
speak with the usual authority. |
wasn't here when the thing happened,
and any testimony l might have to
offer On the subject would be mere
hearsay evidence at best, except that l
know | didn't do it, and that I'd be
willing tc bet nineteen million dollars
against three petrifed Maine dough-
nuts that the Bibliomaniac didn't do it
either. ! can't prove an alibi, Of
course, because l don't recall exactly
where l was when the discovery was
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28

Idiot, folding up his newspaper, and
sitting on it lest some one of his fel-
low-boarders should appropriate it sur-
reptitIOusly. Nothing SO grossly
drossy as all that 1t would be utterly
destructive OF my happiness if some
body were to die and leave me a mil
lion. In the first place, if any deceased
person were to leave me a million I'd
Immediately become covetous of peo-
pie who had two. I'd be subjected to
the terrible trials and temptations of
the Income Tax which as things now
arc leave ME unscathed and unstung,
and worst of all, probably, before |
knew what was up some yellow-haired
combination of fluff, feathers, and
lirtatiousness would come along and
marry me for my money That
wouldn't be fine thing at all. The
thing | referred to was not CONNER
cial at all, but rather along lines of
pure sentiment, of which / regret TO
say we have not any too much in these
practical days. | have just read in my
morning paper that somebody has sug-
gested the desirability of putting Co.
Iumbus' bones in a box, and sending
them by parcels-post on the PROV Of
the first ship to pass through the Pan
anna Canal. 1t is a most delightfully."-
delicate tribute to the memory and
achievement OF a great man that l can
think Of
20 tush! What nonsense" said the
Bibliomaniac, with a gesture of weary
impatience. 1T would be silly man.
Hesitation of sentimental rot without
the slightest measure of justification.
If there ever was a preposterous fakir
in this world is was that tiresome old
bird Christopher Columbus. He has
been foiSted upon a credulous world
as the DiscOverer of America, when as
matter of fact he never saw Amer
ica. He discovered San Salvador, and
he may have been the first foreigner
10 get a line on Cuba, kut as far as
discovering America was concerned
You might just as we'll say that the
first explorer to set foot on the sandy
reaches of Coney Island was the Dis
coverer of Chicago, Milwaukee, or
Salt Lake City. 1 thought we had fin
ished with the old boy twenty years
ago, and now you come along trying
to dig him up agai
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28
DISCOVERIES BONES
SHOULD BE MOVED

half a million apiece for a barrel of
Spanish onions. or some new paten
kind of a can-opener. All these ru-
mors had made her nervous. 1t irked
her to think that some duslIy wash
woman in the Indies wor. finer jewels
over the tiibs than she was able to
command on Sundays, and she made
up her mind to get after them. 1t was
then that Columbus came along with
his grand theory of a short cut to the
sources of supply. Instead of the long
and perilous sea trip around the Cape,
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28
(Copyrisht, lel3.l
copyright, Isl3l
IA TOW that's what l call a fine
thing" said the Idiot, slap
i ming the breakfast table

GGhIoW that's what I call fine
IN thing" said the Idiot, slap
L ping the breakfast table
with such vigor that three extra waf-
fes automatically 1eapt from the re-
serve platter on to the middle of his
own plate, while the poached eggs
resting quietly in dreamy slumber on
their respective pieces of toast shook
themselves loose into a perfect scram-
bic.
We'll, you needn't treat us to a per-
sonally conducted earthquake on that
account" said the Bibliomaniac, right
ing the sirup-jug which had over
turned and was dripping its sluggish
contents onto his lap. Just because
you have discovered something fine is
no reason for pounding the table like
a temperance orator, and bringing the
house down about our ears"
TO what do you refer, Mr.. Idiot?'
asked Mr.. Brief, the lawyer. IF a
thing is so fine that it justihes you in
sending a tremor OF destruction from
one end of the earth to the other, it
must be fine indeed, and in these sor-
did days you should not keep such a
discovery to yourself. What is it
somebody suddenly died and left you
a million?"
"No, indeed, Mr.. Brief" said the
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28

pulled off; but l can prove that
wasn't anywhere around at the critical
moment. It's most unimportant mat
ter who discovered America, anyhow
The main Poin' is tnat il was discov-
cred, and whether it was done by
Amerigo Vermicelli, Diego di Spa
ghetti, Manuelo del Macaroni, or An
drea del Carnegi, or even old Doctor
Cook himself, is matter of supreme
The Washington herald., 1913-12-28

Suggestion That Remains Of Christopher Columbus
Be Sent by Parcels Post Through Panama Canal
Stirs the Idiot to Ardent Advocacy Of This Deli
cate Tribute to Memory Of Great Man. Whom He
Gives Credit for Canal, Much to Conformation
and Discomfort of Other Boarders-Explorer Was
Too Impetuous to Wait for Az Years to Find Ditch
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-07-22

IHOUG1 ! II FASHIONABLE ~
BE FRIENDLY TO N. A. M.
Washington, July 22.-CoL M. NJ.
Mulhall thought in 1909 that it was
becoming fashionable" for congress-
men to seek the friendship of the
National Association of Manufactur-
ers instead of seeking their hatred.
Mulhal wrote Secretary Schwedt-
man of the N. A. M. that he had made
a call on Rep. Halvor Stevenson of
Minnesota February 2, 1909. MulhaIl
said Stevenson was hurt and griev-
ed because the N. A. NJ did not pay
more attention to his tariff bill.
February 8, 1909, Mulhan wrote
Schwedtman he was circulating the
report that Senator Hopkins of Hi
nois would have trouble being re-
elected, according to instructions"
81 understand our whole organi-
cation was instructed to fight Hop
kins because of his activities with the
Gompers crowd" MUlhan told the
committee.
The reputation of MulhalTs story
by Senators Nelson, .CIapp and Cum
minis, in so far as it touched them,
had decided effect on the commit
tee. It is becoming evident that Null
hall will have to produce evidence
other than his letters if he is to get
anywhere.
MuIhan identified a report, accord
ing to which he conferred with Cum
minis about legislation, was told by
Nelson how a committee voted in
executive session and was introduced
by Nelson to Clapp. Each Of the three
senators swOre they knew nothing of
such meetings.
Mulha1 identified letters covering
his work in Washington and in at
tempting to break the matters strike
in Philadelphia, Orange, West Or
ange, Montclair, New York, Hart
ford and other Eastern cities in the
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-07-22

Uncle Sam grants Lieut.. Milling
permission to take part in the Paris
aeroplane races because Milling
holds the record Of sustained fight
with a passenger. It's all right, lieu
tenant, but we'd like to make kindly
mention of that passengers name
while honors are being dished out.
It's the innocent passenger who takes
the most risk, always, whether in a
flying machine or a wheelbarroW. ?.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-07-22

Vienna, July PA dispatch from
Bucharest says Roumania is willing
to accept the peace terms proposed
by Bulgaria.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-07-22

London, July 22.-Special dis
patches from Sofia today say that the
Turks have not recaptUred Adrian
opIe. The Bulgarian war Office adj
mits the Moslem holy city is men
aced.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-07-22

ConstantinopIe, July 22.-Sublime
Porte tonight officially announced
that Enver Boys army had entered
Adrianople and retaken possession of
Mosley city in name of Turkish EN-
pire.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-07-22

ing IN the probe. Reed objected be"
caUs Atty. McCarter of the N. A. M.
was taking up time cross-examining
Mulhall about the $500 retainer Null
hall says he gave Congressman Jim
Watson of Indiana.
HADJI ADIL BEY MADE THE
GOVERNOR OR ADRIANOPLE
ConstantinopIe, July 22.-Hadji
Adj Bey, fOrmre Turkish minister of
the interior, has been appointed
Turkish governor of AdrianopIe.
A late dispatch from the front last
night said the Lule Burgas had been
recaptUred after desperate resistance
from the BUlgars. One Bulgar Off
GER and 1875 men were taken pris-
Oners.
The capture of Lule Burgas by the
allies during the war against Turkey
was the bloodiest action in the whole
war.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-10
GOOD TALENT
TO TAKE PART
Ministries at Matawan To-
morrow Night Big Program

Special to the EVENING NEWS.
Matawan, Feb. 10:-Seats for the
minstrel show to be held in the
Broadway theatre tomorrow evening,
under the auspices of the Matawan
Fire Department, are nearly all
taken and a crowded house is prom
ised. The theatre has a seating ca
pacity of LOO.
The local talent has been strength
ened by some out-of-town talent who,
it is known, are artists in this line.
A quartet OF Newark artists have
been engaged as end e lobe"
Randolph, well known hereabouts,
will be in~terlocutor. Arthur Kirk,
of Newark, the champion xylophone
player of the world, and Lewis James,
of Long Branch, the champion hoop
roller, will exhibit their skill upon
this occasion. Chester Arthur Is also
down for a sketch and Harvey Van
Brunt has two solos.
After the performance there will
be dancing. Chester Arthur's or
chestra will provide the music.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-10
KEYPORT

Miss Emily SprIul. of this place,
was the guest last week of her sister,
Mrs. George Post, of Jersey City.
A contest Is or at the Bruins
wick bowling parlors on First street
for the person bowling the greatest
number OF games this month until
Feb. 22nd. inclusive. with An even
score of 40, a prize OF five dollara
will be awarded by the management.
R. o. Walling has purchased the
Mrs. Kate Conklin property in Kear-
ney street.
Harry West. OF the firm OF R.
West and Company, OF First street.
Is enjoying an extended vacation In
North Carolina.
The regular meeting OF the Wo-
mans Christian Temperance Union
will be held tomorrow afternoon in
Calvary M. e, church.
The Keyport Auxiliary of the Mon
mouth Memorial hospital at Long
Branch. will meet with Mrs, Laura
Campbell at her residence in Eliza
beth street this afternoon.
Skating on the bay was enjoyed
by a number of small boys on Sat
urday, this being the first time this
winter.
The Junior League of Calvary M.
e. church will give an entertainment
on Tuesday evening, February "a.
An interesting and enjoyable pro-
grom is promised.
Preparations are being made for a
fine musical and literary entertain
ment that will be given in st. Johns
NJ. e. church at South Keyport on
Wednesday evening, February 10.
Mrs. Frank Mining, of Main street
spent Friday in New York city.
George Cherry, of Broad street, is
Ill with an affection of the liver.
Miss Frances Buchanan has re-
trnedturned to her home In New
York city after having spent several
days with John Templeton and fam
lily, of Cross street.
Dallas G. Young, president OF tho
Keyport Progressive Club. attended
the Monmouth County Progressive
Committee meeting at Asbury Park
Friday afternoon,
George Murphy, colored, about
thirty-hye years old who died at the
Monmouth Memorial hospital of
heart trouble On Thursday, was bu-
ried yesterday. The services were
conducted at the Second Baptist
church, Rev. D. d. Hall officiating.
Interment was in Midway cemetery
at Matawan. He Is survived by a
widow. who has been a bride but for
q short time.