The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-06-25
appeal. II properly presented. to the
receptive mind Of the secretary Of
state.
ABatch ofSmiles

Ard o SLY that you ara imp
cent of the charge of stealing a roost-
er from Nj. Jones'" asked an Arkal-
as Judge of 8 meek looking prisoner
Yes. sir. and ! can prove It"
How can you prove it,"
Il can prove tha: ] didn't steal Mr..
Jones rooster. Judge, because I stole
two hens from Mr.. Gras,on the same
night. and Jones lives I'VE miles from
Grastcn'R"
The proof is conclusive" said the
Judge. Discharge the prisoner
National Food Magazine.
Two amateur burglars were recon
noiterins a neighoorhood. One point
eli out a prosperous locking house as
a likely subtec; for their efforts.
Nope" said the other. "Tain't
worth while crackin' that house. /
looked through the winder. AMI
they're so durn poor that TWO lad:e.
actually had 10 play on n piano"
lie, me see some Of your black KID
gloves said a lady TO a shop as.
sistant.
These are 70; the la,es, style. are
they" she asked when the gloves
were produced.
Yes, madam" replied the shop.
man; W have had them in stoeh
only Two days"
7 didn't think they we're, because
the fashion paper says black kids have
tar stitches and vice versa. ! see tie
tan stitches. but not the vice versa"
The Shopman explained tina, vice
versa was French for seven buttons.
Sc n bought three pairs.
silent man n ne would sometimes
champion the silen; with a story.
old John Bates. an uphols,erer,''
So the story began. was renowned
fer his silence. People who had been
his customers for a generation had.
many of them. never heard a wora
from him except good morning. Five
dollars. Thank YOU. Good day Ola
John. IN fact. cultivated silence as a
genius cuitivates his art.
"A patron n day said to John:
Whats the best kind of nat
,reeses?'
Hair was the reply.
The patron. some twenty years
later. had occasion TO buy another
mattress. and again he asked:
"'Wha''s the best kind. john"
Cotton
Cotton the patron cried. WHY
You told me twenty ear & tina,
hair was the best
The old man gave 4 quaint sigh.
Talking has always been my
ruin he said"
A near race riot happened in {
southern town. The negroes gathered
in crowd and the whites in an
c,her. The whites frei their revcl.
seTs into the air and the negroes took
10 their heels. Next day a pian-ztio.
owner said TO one of his men: sam
were o IN that crowd that gath.
cred last night" "Yassir." Did yol
run like the wind, SAM" No. sir;
didn't run like the wind: deed
didn't. But I passed ,wo nigger tina.
was running like the wind"
II was story telling time in the frs.
grade. The teacher had taken he,
place in front Of the class and asked.
What would you like to hear today
A little hand shot up in the hack c:
the room. Well. Bobby. what 81 ",
do you wan1?" Please. ma'an. tel.
Us about the little boy who swallowed
the piece Of ribbon and i. made hin.
sick az his stomach"
The teacher looked nystiaed. Sob
by. I never heard OF that story. We
had better take something else" Blu,
Bobby was not SO easily downed.
On. yes. You have, teacher. yoL
know it says:
He ran - the window as quick a.
a fash.
Flung open the shutters ana
threw up the sash."-National Food
Magazine.
One evening when a water inspeo.
tor vas going his round. he stopped
at Il Of the mains in a busy stree,
to turn of the water owing. I o some
repairs. He had just Pr, the handle
CT the tap and began turning when a
hand was placed on his shoulder by &
tipsr gentleman. who said. in a
drunken tone:
so I haze fund him At iast har.