Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-02-12
At the End Of the Rainbow.
PURPLE AND FINE LINENS.
by Walt Mason.

I'm the sylvan solitudes," said the
wild man of the woods. "a man may
wear such habiliments as seem good to
him. and there is none to say him nay
Oh Solitude, these are the charms that
sages have seen In thy face!-as the
poet came pretty near saying. This free
dom to wear what you will is indeed a
precious boon
1T is different in the busy haunts. 1t
is true that bachelor may suit him
self in the matter of raiment, but he
hasn't sense enough to do 1t. n bach
eIor is always ngurinS on going to the
altay WIN u nrn tread, aver eating II
ncarty breakfast nam anu eggs, ana
peins married with Il duii, stchenlhs
luuu. II DacneiorS only knew "tl"'.
they are gong up against wnen they
Apply tor marriage licenses they Woulu
nee like a BIRD. 10 the mountain. The
great thinkers and teachers OF TINS
country should start d crusade In be
naif OF the unmarried men, opening
their eyes to the travail ana bitterness
tnat win be theirs when once they
nave embarked upon the tempeStuouS
waters OF matrimony.
II was singuiarly fortunate when /
selected wife. 1 drew the nnest
woman in the United states, and Yet L
couldn't stand it 10 i've with her. How,
then, do these men VINO have married
inferior females endure their martyr
dom? l pause for a reply.
when 1 was counting the estimable
woman whom 1 married L always had
my trousers creased and my whiskers
shingled, and / wore a most uncom-
Portable collar and shoes which gave
me toothache in my feet. Nature did
not design me for a, glass of fashion
and mold of form, so the wearing of
those festive rags caused me much an
guish. But / reasoned that when
was once safely married it would not
be necessary to beautify myself SO Law
ishly. 1t was the duty of young
woman's intended to assume as gor-
geous front possible. but having
been promoted to the position of hus-
band. all vain display could be cut out.
hostess!
shortly after our marriage my wife
went home for a few days to see her
mother. and when she returned went
kers had grown luxuriantly during her
absence, and I wore an old blue flannel
shirt with a red tie, and my shoes
hadn't been polished, and dare say l
looked rather sloppy. but was more
comfortable than 1 had been before in
a year. All the way home my wife re-
garded me with a stony eye, and when
we reached our cottage she rushed IN
and began weeping like Niagara Falls.
She said she had married a handsome,
well groomed man. and he had turned
out to be tramp in disguise.
From that day forth always had to
wear an upright collar that made me
feel as though I was being lynched.
and I had to waste precious moments
every day shining my shoes, and sums
of money which would have kept me in
cigars had to be scent to have my
trousers creased My wife regulated
my entire appearance, and did it with
an iron hand. [ had to part my hair
in the middle and trim my whiskers
down to a point and wear neckties that
she bought for me and carry silly little
white ndkerchiefs with my initials
embroidered in the lower left-hand cor
ner You can't imagine how cheap a
man can feel until you have wife and
People are always coming to our
house to pass the evening and talk
about the weather. and special prepa
rations had to be made for such occa
sionS I had to wear special coat
with ornamental collar and cuffs and
large illustrated sinners which looked
rikn the God Bless Our Howe notices
they used to hang on the wall. At such
times I felt like a circus actor. Finally
my wife brought home for my use ii
sort of oriental robe, such as conjurers
use 1t looked like house afire, and
was expected to wear it and wrap
gaudy cord with tassels at the ends
around my waist. and then put on
fez with another tassel.
II nut on this rig and glanced In the
mirror and realized that the limit had
been reached at last. With a loud cry
Of anguish I leaned from the bedroom
window and made bee line for the
tall timber"