The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1913-05-09
Settled In Heaven
Perhaps
BY M. QUAD
Copyright. 1913. by Associated Lit
erary Press.


ing, when Delhi consisted of only seven
houses and "A huckleberry patch, Joab
and Moses met at the postoffice. and
after little talk Joab said:
Moses, I'm told that you've got
tolerable appetite for cider"
Eyes. tolerable," admitted Moses.
"You allus lay in bari for winter"
II surely do"
"And what do you put into it to keep
it from gettin' hard and twangy"
IL allus use little peppermint"
I've heard you did, and I'm goin' to
tell you of Il better thing. Put in sas-
safras instead of peppermint, and
you'll have u bari of cider equal to
champagne You know how folks cry
for my cider along in the winter. and
It's the sassafras what does it,"
"Sassafras couldn't beat peppermint"
says Moses as he shakes his head
"But it does beat it all holler." says
Joab. you use it once and you'll be
grateful to me all the rest of your
life"
II don't Doubt you mean well, Joab
but shall stick TO peppermint"
I'm givin you sassafras. Noses"
And I'm givin' you peppermint
Joab."
"Waal, wouldn't give peppermint to
grubby .calf",'
"And l wouldn't give sassafras to an
ailin' hog!'
That was the beginning of the dis
pute. They didn't lay hands on each
other. but they felt edgeways, and they
never met without bringing up the
question. They had it all to them
selves ut first. but after a bit other
folks were dragged into it. and good
share of the county was divided into
'peppermints" and 'sassafrasers.'
Both disputants were church mem
bers and belonged to the same church.
and the pastor finally called them be-
fore him and said:
See here. brethren, why this dis
puteY"
"'Cause Nose is mule" replied
Joab.
4" 'Cause Joab is an idiot" replied
Moses.
'"That is not Christian talk"
LET him give up, then, and say he's
wrong"
Hes the one that's got to give up"
Put you will divide the church If
you keep this up" warmed the pastor.
I'D hate to see it," replied Moses.
but peppermint's the thing to preserve
CIDER
And | will never divide church if
kin help It," added Ioab, but no
body but idiot would use peppermint
Sassafras is the thing. parson-sassa
frasr'
Peppermint. parson- peppermint"
But if both are good
'But they hain'tw
Almost every night in the year Joab
and Moses met at the postofIice. and
after sort Of elbowing each other
around for spell Joab would say:
why, hello, Moses. is that you? !
thought | smet peppermint around
here!"
And | smelt sassafras as soon as
you left homer Moses would reply,
Still stickin' to il. are you, that pep
permint is the right thing to keep cider
from gettin too hard?"
~ am, and alus ! shall. and so would
any one else but born foolT'
There would be more to IT, and "A
dozen men would 80 over the question
and call each other fools and liars. and
the trouble kept spreading. 1t beat
Joab when he ran for supervisor. and 1t
downed Moses when he wanted to be
a deacon Of his church. If lightning
rod man or tin peddler showed up
within ten miles Of Jericho he was
asked for his opinion on the cider
question, and the man who favored
peppermint couldn't do business with
the sassafrasers. Many people tried
to smooth over the quarrel, but when
they went to Joab he said:
I'm willin' enough to be friends
with Moses, but, durn his hide, he's
got to drop that peppermint business
fustv'
Then they would go to Moses and
talk and argue and point out his duty.
but he would shake his head and reply:
ITS no use talkin' till Joab lets go
of sassafras. He's stickin' to 1t jest
because he's pigheaded and wants to
come out on top"
The thing had been going on for near.
ly forty years. and Joab and Moses had
got to be grandfathers and old men.
when they met at the postotiice for the
last time Roth were lettering and
feeble. and az they caught sight Of
each other .Ioab called out:
Its that blamed peppermint workin'
In your system. and I don't care how
soon 1t takes you off!''
Its that sassafras In your blood" re-
piled Moses. land your folks needn't
expect me to come to your funeralr'
The next day both of them were In
bed. and after looking them over the
doctor said their time had come to go.
They lasted two weeks and died Oh
the same day, but before dying Joab
sent word to Moses:
II amt got no pity for such critter.
II you'd used sassafras you might have
lived to be 100 years old"
When Moses received the message
he braced up and sent back word:
Nobody wants any pity from you.