Evening star., 1913-02-24
STEAMSHIPS.
At the End Of the Rainbow.
SOME DISADVANTAGES.
BY WALT MASON.
BY WALT MASON.

It's an age of invention, sure enough"
said the retired merchant. Down in
Slayback's grocery everything is done by
electricity. He has machinery for every.
thing"
'.Some of these days he'll get tangled
up in his doggone machinery" replied the
hotel keeper, land then perhaps he won't
think II so fine. Dusenberry had the
same idea last year He had an electric
motor that ran everything in his store.
and one day when he was grinding coffee
with a patent machine he got his fingers
i'm among a lot of coSwheels and you
could hear him llowling all over town. A
man must go slow about patronizing
these new inventions, or he's going TO get
into trouble.
IA few years ago an oily tougued
stranger came along and sold me new
kind of fire escape for my hotel. 1t was
a tubular affair, made of eheet iron. In
case of an alarm you went into the tube
and sat down and slid to safety as COM
Portable as a kid coasting down hill. l.
was overjoyed with il for a month Or
two. and then l began to notice that the
help was never around when 1t was want
ed. The dining room girls and chamber
maids and all the rest of them We're miss
ing most Of the time. Then L discovered
that they put in most OF their time slid
ing down that blamed fire escape. IT got
to DE a regular mania with them. Even
the housekeeper a dignified old person.
who reminded you of Lady Macbeth. just
couldn't keep away from il. About every
fifteen minutes she'd make a sneak for
the fire escape and go sliding down, hay-
ing more fun than crate of monkeys.
Il fired the whole gang Of them, but
inside of a week the new ones were just
as bad. Finally one night there was
fire alarm, and everybody rushed for
=, in, q N
old stockman from out west somewhere
When he got halfway down his trousers
caught on a rivet and he stuck there.
Those trousers must have been made OF
leather for he couldn't break loose, and
all the other guests came slamming down
on top of him. until the tube was jammed
full of humanity. and then ii broke loose
from the side of the building and went
down like a cathedral falling lot oil
those people sued me for damages. and
the newspapers roasted me to a dark
brown, and the hotel was boycotted for
months So you see that all is not go
that glitters, or words to Il at effef
lone day old Quackenbush stocd watch
ing the kids coasting down hill ami be
gan to wonder why nobody had ever IN
vented a decent steering apparatus 10:
sleds He made up his mind that he'll
fill the long-felt want himself so he got
a sled and equipped it with lot OF tn ng.
umbobs. Then he took 1t out to the hill
where the boys were and made a little
speech, calling attention to his new IN
vention and saying it was going to revo-
lutionize the shedding industry. He begged
the young people to keep tab on him
while he gave a demonstration, and then
he got on his sled and started downh!ll.
'The snow was packed hard and was
smooth as plate glass. He left trail OF
smoke behind him. for he went so fast
the snow melted under him. He pulled
at his old levers and the sled seesawed
around, and he saw his invention was
failure and yelled for the police, but there
was no help for him. There was bridge
at the foot of the hill, and he went or the
side of it and landed I'm the creek about
a hundred yards beneath. The creek was
frozen over, but he went through the Ice
and batted his head against rock at the
bottom. 1t would have killed any Other
man, but you couldn't exterminafe ola
Ouackenbush with an AK. A few days
later he was around here with a truss OH
his head, explaining that he was going
to invent an electric lawn mower that
would push itself.
.sInyentions are all right, and we
couldn't keep house without them. out
when something new turns up l want 60
see the other fellow experiment WITH IL
before spend any money on 1T.