The Topeka state journal., 1913-07-29
"NOTHING DOING"
And So the Drummer Told These
Yarns.

1arnS.
Among the passengers in a parlor
car on the Lake Shore road, was
handsome woman, whose husband
shared the seat with her and who
would have been picked out as quiet,
sedate absentminded man. The seat
opposite was occupied by a hashily-
dressed young man, with lady-kill1ng
twist to his mustache, and he was
considerably surprised when the hus-
band handed him a daily paper, with
the remark:
Have a glance at the news? Plenty
of excitement around the country,
observe
The young man was busy with the
paper for half an hour, and then the
husband offered him popular maga-
zine. This entertained him for an hour,
and he had scarcely closed the book
when the good man reached over with:
Have a cigar. These are prime
Havanas. and 1 know you will enjoy
one"
The young man accepted with thanks,
and naturally made his way to the
smoking car, where he put in nearly
another hour, but without the others
company. When he returned he was
greeted with:
Perhaps you'd like to look at the
latest novel? Very interesting, 1 as
sure you.
He read until weary, and upon being
offered another cigar replied that he
was to leave the train at the next
station, and added:
Il want to thank you again for your
many courtesies.'
''Yes?" ft
You never saw me before?"
Never,
Don't know my name?'
No
Then tell me why you We're so very
courteous to an entire stranger?'
Young man, 1 will explain. In times
past when a loafer sat and stared at
my wife as a steady job 1 got up at
the end of an hour and broke his neck.
This made me much trouble and eX-
pense, and L changed my program. L
now carry books and cigars to bribe
them. Had you been going a hundred
miles further 1 should have offered you
a drink of brandy, a new puzzle, two
more dailies, and another cigar, and
my wife would have secured quite a
rest.
"Oh. it's all right-all right. 1t was
cheaper than throwing you out of the
window, and I hope you'll get up to the
hotel safely. Good day. sir-good day
glad to have met you!''
And that young man with the lady
killing mustache and crockery-colored
eyes and hair parted on an even keel,
picked up his grip and walked out
without being certain whether he had
been mashed in collision or pulver-
lied under landroller.
A resident of Toledo had a photoera-
pher come up the other dag for the
purpose of taking view of his resi-
uence. and the man of the camera hac
just got in position when along came
an old coon with a buck-saw on his
arm, and wanted to know what was up
n nj roT in
the reply.
Then L guess I'll pose remarked the
old man. "Ill take a position at the
left of the gate, and represent the
statue of Industry"
The members of the family came out
and arranged themselves, and the man
called out:
Here. old man, you want to get out
of that,'
Cant 1 represent Industry"
NO SIR
Cant 1 stand over there and repre- |
sent Laziness?"
No, sir We don't want you in the |
group at all.
"Lemme represent the Sleeping Beau |
ty''
He drew off to one side. the passing
teams halted to give the artist a
chance and directly the plate was
made. Everybody rushed forward
when it was ready for Inspection and |
the old man was one of the first. AS /
the plate was held UP he giggled and !
tickled and finally burst into a loud
laugh. He had lodged around the cor |
ner of the house and his full figure |
was revealed behind the family ~
What do you represent in that atti- |
tude?' sternly required the Photographic
er.
well. I reckon that's Satisfaction"
And the artist took the festive old |
chap by the ear and walked him out |
of the crowd and put in a couple of |
kicks which changed the pose of Con- |
tentment to that of Sorrow.
A man sat writing in a basement Of |
flee on Gris%old street An old man |
with snow shovel on his right shoul- |
der and his boots covered with snow
entered with great racket and twoI
or three ''whews,'' and placing one of |
his snowy feet against the hot coal |
stove he said:
First there was the creation of the
world. I presume you admit that?"
The man who sat writing did not /
even look up.
.tOf course you admit it. Snow was
created along with other sorts of wealth
er, and according to the laws made !
by man snow must be cleaned off the