New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-05-12
ASI WAS SAYING

When is the time to marry? When YOU haven't
enough worry" hear, and right cheerfui doNiso
it is blends sweetly with President Lowe's plea tor
early marriage Make haste, young man! You
think YOU have worry enough al present but con-
slider:
Marriages are going up. In another year OF %
they will be beyond the reach even Of the preda-
tory DOOR" Then when you find yourself doomed
irreparably to the estate known as single cusseo-
ness" YOU will discover what real worry is
Besides think of those wedding presents. Every
time an old crony marries YOU are forced 10 pay
tribute All very pretty. if you expect to marry
back will come the cut glass and solid silver
pie shovels-the same identical ones possibly but
this being shut out OF marriage yourself and SUN
paying trbute-oh. monstrous' Taxation without
representation
And speaking oil the predatory poor 1t appears
that they have got on famously so far without proo
ding or persuasion from Harvard Watch them II
Your eyes are quick enough, for they marry Ike
creased pigs: which is perfectly right and proper
morally sentimentalIy. and particularly from an
economic point OF view.
Take for instance. the ash man, VINO maires at
nineteen When he is thirty-that is TO say dod-
dering Mehusaleh laid off because he can no longer
pitch ashes higher than the sixth story window sils
behold he has eight stawsrt sons and seven huik-
ing daughters. TO say nothing Of good Mrs Ash Man.
who has preserved her youth by care-iree life OF
leisure Hesis I'm his glory. that man Everybody
works but father.
A fine athletic subject. marriage. See no" II has
hurded TWO rows Of dangerous. prickly astersks.
Not winded either. FOR there is more to be sara
about marrying early and our duty is our pride
You never can tell whether any given marriage OF
YOURS will be fun II so. the sooner il begins the
rot rlN eli
time in which "a keep guessing
II is strange about l. T.. whose latest postcard
reaches US from st Petersburg much too soon after
the one from Boston. Sometimes we think We are
being imposed upon. However. II this he imposition
lei US make the OF it: Just discovered why
Russians are such wonderful iinguists Have 10 be
No foreigner learns Russian. So. unless he becomes
linruist a Russian is in Russia and can't get out"
1t appears that the Divine Sarah fayors it, but 50
do most Frenchmen. This explains the wholesale
absence Of Suffragettes in Paris.
Fish story Alaska complains that the nd1scrim-
inate slaughter Of whales will ruin the salmon IN
dustrv. without whales there will be nothing TO
scare the herring inshore and consequently nothing
for the salmon to live on.
Sorry though those Houses that Jack Built afford
very beneficial exercise for the mind. Have an
other? Up at South Reubentown il develops that II
folks were less stngy. by gum. they would turn 10
and take holt and pay up the ministers back sal
airy II they paid up the minister's back salary The
minister could resign; if the minister resigned IL
would be the end OF the South Reubentown church;
without church there would be no place to gossip
and bereft of gossip, South Reubentown could no
longer be prevailed upon 10 exist
Have YOU noticed those poor fellows with their
cheeks and chns all crisscrossed with court plaster?
They show wonderful cunning-of low type, IT is
true but nevertheless extraordinary Some or
them mutter Motorcycle" and change the subject
Others hint darby polo. Still others have stories
Of automobiles and barbed wire fences Any
10 conceal the awful truth. But we are not de-
ceiyed They live in Brooklyn.
Now it is easy TO understand why Brooklyn
mans razor should horribly hack and hew Brook
lvn mans face why the Brooklyn BARRIERS should
have gone out on strike is less facile Of comprehen-
sion So we have investigated. Opening their
hearts TO us they declare that like other BARRIERS the
world over they are bored nigh unto death ny their
customers everlasting conversation T. }" H.