Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-09-01
On the Spur Of
the Moment
BY ROY MOULTON.
written Exclusively for py.nins stsr.

-
THE REToRT DIscoUHTEoUs
Husband-I hope l have made N.Y.
self plain.
wife-That was entirely unneces-
sary. Nature did it for you.
THE DIARY Or BoNEHEAp
In the olden days when a man
couldn't find anything else in the
world TO do, he went into the life in
suranee business. Now he either
goes into the life insurance business
or he sells vacuum cleaners, with the
odds in favor of the cleaners.
When vacuum cleaners first became
rampant in this country, about five
years ago, my wife thought that we
would all be Killed by microbes with
in five minutes II we didn't have a
vacuum cleaner. This in spite of the
fact that We had used an old-fash-
toned broom in our house ever since
we had been married. The vacuum
cleaner men and the microbes appar-
emily work hand IN hand, advertising
each other, like the breakfast food
and the actress who recommends il.
We bought a vacuum cleaner and we
/ have bought about one a month ever
since Every man who came along
with a vacuum cleaner had a little
better vacuum cleaner than the man
who had preceded him. Il seemed TO
be arranged that way. A man with
poorer vacuum cleaner never came
along after a man with a better one
Every vacuum cleaner had some lit
tie gewhillfker attachment that made
it about per cent. more efficient
than the preceding one. Judging by
the Improvement in vacuum cleaners
since we purchased our first one that
first one could not have caught more
than one mierobe out of 10000.
Nothing goes out of style quicker
than q vacuum cleaner unless it is a
silk hat or an automobile. The first
one we had worked with a handle ike
suction pump and a person with
magnificent physique and in good
training could go over the floor Of a
small room in one day without break
ing his back. You held the cleaner
with one hand and pulled with ths
other and coaxing the microbes out
of six-by-eight. rug was process
which occupied an entire day.
Then they got the electric vacuum
cleaners We didn't have any electric
lights in the house at that time. but
had them put in just so we could
operate an electric vacuum cleaner.
Nobody in the world was going to
have anything on us in the way OF
cleaners.
After filling the cellar. the barn ana
the garage with vacuum cleaners that
were a week or two behind the times.
we swore off and we didn't buy a
vacuum cleaner for two months.
Yesterday man came along with
a new vacuum cleaner that would
pull the tacks out Of a carpet or
would yank the paper of the wall
It would pull a mustard plaster of
from a mans back. When placed at
one end of the room it would tear
out plate glass window in the other
end of the room. 1t cleaned up all
of the known microbes and, as 1t was
working only half capacity while so
doing, they had invented three or
four thousand microbes that had
never been heard of before, just e
keep the vacuum cleaner busy. In
other words, when they began work
ing the new cleaner, it had pulled in
microbes that the scientists had never
had the nerve to discover, SO tremen-
deus was its strength.
We put a mortgage on the house
and bought one.