The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-08-16

a prominent Boston attorney tells
of an American tourist hailirg from
the west VINO was out sightseeing in
London. They took him aboard the
old hattleship Victory, which was Lord
Nelson's flagship in several of his most
famous naval friumphs. An English
sailor escorted the American over the
vessel. and, corning 20 a brass tablet
m the deck, ne said. as he reverently
raised his hat:
'Ere. sir. is the spot where Lord
Nelson fell
"nh, is ir?" replied the westerner,
hlankiy. We'll, that amt nothin': 1
nearly tripped IN the blame thing my
self."--Harper's Magazine.
OF the culrrits hailed before A po-
lice magistrate one Monday morning
there was one-an Irishman-who
had caused no end of trouble to the
police the Saturday night preceding.
The magistrate regarded the prison.
er with mingled curiosity and indigna-
ton.
$50 you're the man that gave the
officers so much trouhle?" the magis-
trate asked. Il understand that it
took seven policemen TO look vou up
"iis. your honor" responded the
Celt. with a broad grin, but it would
take only wan to let me out"
1T used Il be that when We met a
mar who could wash In mend his
own clothes and who could wash dish
es and cook We took him to be d
sailor"
And nowo"
Now We don't know whether he is
a sailor or the husband or the
gette."
do You think that the new note
delivery business will ever displace
the postmano" asked the converse
tlonal young man, when crossing the
street, of his companion"
Certain to- replied the other. ner-
vously gazing down the street, 'if 1t
ever hits him."
An Irishman who for some reason
did not wish to be taken for such and
was not proud of his hrogue entered
into a heated argument on the subject
with q friend who "a a lawyer, and
finally said: "If I We're on thrial for
the brogue, do You name to say that
amy jury in the country would
bring me in guilty?"
Well said the lawyer, speaking
professionally, I would advise that il
o wish to deny the brogue. you had
better do so in writing"
A young Irish curate was preaching
his first sermon, and chose for his
text the miracle of the loaves and
fishes. He was very V and read
it. And they fed five people with FIVE
thousand loaves of bread and five
thousand fishes"
Thereat II of his rustic hearers
murrnured. loud enough to be heard:
That's no miracle, begorra. 1
could do that myself"
The curate overheard him, and so
on the following Sunday he announc-
ed the same text, Out had it right this
time: And they fed FIVE thousand
people with five loaves of bread AND a
few fishes"
over the pulpit and said:
Gould You do that. Mr.. Murphy ?"
Murphy replied: Sure. yer rever-
ence. I could.
"And how could you do it." asked
the priest.
Sure. Yer reverence, I could do it
with what was left owe from last
Sunday"
Two American soldiers were speak
ing about the battle of Bull Run. One
of them was a Yankee, the other an
Irishman.
Pat" said the Yankee, were you
at the battle of Bull Run?"
II was" said Pat.
TN sure you ram said the Yank.
Il did" said Pat, land the man that
did not run is there yet"
Sir Herbert Tree tells a number o.
good stories. One of his favorites is
about an old lady who had invited
some friends down to pass the week
end at her little country cottage.
Her guests arrived in a tremendou.
downpour of rain.
Dear. dear" exclaimed the hostes.
as she welcomed them in; what q
day! I'm glad you've come, but dc
hope the weather will clear up, or you
won't enjoy yourselves much.'
"Oh, but. my dear Mrs. jones' re.
piled one Of her guests politely, "w,
didn't come to enjoy ourselves; ",
came to see you!"