The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-07-30
ABatch ofSmiles

We'll, my dear" said Mr.. Virgins
on the night of election day, did you
vote this morning."
II did, indeed" replied Mrs. Wig
gins. IT not only voted, but I wrote
out my reasons for voting as I did on
the back of the ballot and signed my
name. You men may feel the need
of a secret ballot, but I'm not afraid
to have anybody know how I voted or
why."-Magazine of Fun.
The lady litigant had paid out good
money to clerks and bailiffs till she
Who is that?" she whispered to
her lawyer as a new fu%nctionary put
in an appearance.
That? That's the %crier," the law
yer replied.
Goodness! Can't I do my own
crying and save her ?'-Magazine Of
Fun.
Then you have explained to your
iance that you will bring no dowry? ?"
Certainly"
What did he say to that?"
He swore that it was a matter of
indifference to him."
AND how has he conducted him
self since then?"
II don't know. He has never come
back"
Secretary Bryan was listening with
an inscrutable smile to the praises Of
a financial magnate that a senator
was singing at a dinner.
Hes the architect of his W for
tune. too" said the senator, entire
ly the architect of his own fortune"
Well" said Secretary Bryan, Its
a lucky thing for him that the build
ing inspector didn't come round while
the operation was going on" z
The woma who saw made her
way to the hosiery counter Of a big
department store and asked to see
some sheer Isle stockings. A nom
chalent clerk responded, lifting down
a slim red box with one hand and
adjusting a hairpin with the other.
These are a little heavy" said the
shopper. Haven't you any thinner
hose than these?" The clerk pushed
in another hairpin.
Sorry. madam" she said Ian
guidly. but that's the thinnest hose
we have in the house."
Isaac's house was for sale, and he
told his friend Abraham about an offer
he had had.
Samuel Levinski said he would gift
me Ave t'ousand tollars vor idt."
HUH" Abraham grunted corn
fully. HE ain'dt got fife tollars to
hsi name-he candt buy idt."
Well I know he candt. But idt vas
a mighty fine offer."-Lippincott's.
John Butts, SRI want to leave
my property to my W sons One
tenth to my youngest son. John
Butts. and nine-tenths to my eldest
Peyster Butts.
Family Lawyer-H'm! Do you
think that's quite fair?
John Butts. sr.-Yes, I want to
make some reparation to Royal for
allowing his mother to give him such
a fool name!
Judge Gary, chairman Of the Unit
ed States Steel corporation, told one
the other night which leaves no doubt
as to the welcome the minister re-
ceives in certain quarters when maxi
ing a pastoral call.
Some time ago the Judge said. the
minister was expected to visit the
not absolutely certain that he would
come. Finally, however, the dominic
appeared. and little Willie. who had
been watching al the gate. sounded
the tidings with glad acclaim.
"Whoopee!" joyously cried the
youngster, wildly tossing up his hat.
Hip. hip. hurrap! Here he comes.
mamma! Here he comes!"
"You seem very glad to see me,
Willie.'' smiled the preacher, pattinE
the hoy OF the head ana shaking
hands with the family.
you just bet I ami" enthusiastic
cally replied Willie: Il have been
afraid all the morning you wouldn't
show up"
That's awfuily nice OF you. wa