davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
BENEATH THIS MANS DIGNITY
Mas Willing to Do Much, but Drew
the Line at Acting as Secretary
to Barnyard Fowl.

A farmer III enc of the neighbCring
townships, who had gone into scfen-
tific poultry raising, hit upon the
scheme of marking each egg with GER
tain data in indelible ink. His idea
was to find which variety Of chickens
laid best, and then, when the eggs
were Matched, attach tag to the
chickens legs. He soon found that
his hired man. was negligent about
properly inscribing the eggs. One day
not an egg was marked, and the farm
er read him the riot act.
The hired man listened In sulien
silence until the boss finished, Then
See here. You'll have to get an
other man"
why. jim, you're not going TO leave
nc, after working for me for six
years?"
Yes, / am, returned the hired
man. I've done all sorts of odd
chores for you without a whimper, but
I'm burned if I'm going TO stay here
and be secretary to anv burned hen!"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
Seven ChampionS.

The Seven Champions OF Christen-
dom usually are listed in this order:
ST. George of England, who was i'm
prisoned seven years by the Almidor,
the black king of Morocco; st. Denis
of France, who lived seven years in
the form of a hort; St. James OF
Spain, who was seven years dumb
out of love for fair Jewess; ST. An
thony of Italy, enchanted-with other
championships a deep sleep in the
Black castle and released by st.
Georges three sons, who Quenched
the seven lamps by water from the
enchanted fountain; St. Andrew of
Scotland, who was guided through the
Vale Of Walking Spirits by the Walk
ing Fire and delivered six women who
had lived seven years under the form
of milk-white swans; ST. Patrick of
Ireland immured in a cell, where he
scratched his grave with his own
nails; St David of Wales, who slept
seven years in the enchanted garden
Of Ormandine. but was redeemed by
ST. George.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
Unfortunates Yearly Feast,

At Fosdyke, a tiny village in Eng
land, there is held every year a most
quaint dinner known as the Bede
house feast. Some gentleman. many
years back, left sum of money with
which a number of Bede houses were
to be built, and once a year he direct
ed that the occupants we're to have
a feast. Every year the six old ladies
and the six old gentlemen meet the
trustees and have dinner. Some of
the trustees are county councillors and
the like, but according to the terms
of the will they have to serve the old
people first and make them comfort
able. The guests always sit in the
same order as the number of their
houses, and the menu must include a
bowl of punch and a veal pie with
plums in it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
ISOLATED 40 YEARS
AGED RecIuse Is the "lonesomest
Man in the World"
James Moodie, Only White inhabitant
of Urea Island, on Visit to Broth
err viii Return 10 South Sea
"Kingdom."

New York.-The "lonsomest man in
The world" sailed from New York re-
Gently aboard the steamship Baltic of
the White Star line. James Noodle OF
Urea island. near Caledonia. in the
south Pacific, claims the distinction OF
being the most lonesome man For
nearly forty years he has been the
sole white inhabitant Of the south sea
isle, and so seldom has he met men
Of his own race that he has almost
forgotten the language of his parents
1t was nearly a half century ago
that Noodle, an adventurous Scotch
lad, engaged in the. south sea island
trade He found Urea island TO his
liking and established trading post
there. Only at long intervals has he
been visited by white traders, seeking
copra and other products of the is
lands.
During the many years he has been
On Urea island his family has died
of one by one, until today he can
claim but single living relative, Rob
ert Noodle of Loanhead, Scotland,
this brother in thirty years. They
parted as mere youths and in short
time will meet again, gTizzled and
gray.
When Noodle first went to Urea is
land he took with him a violin that
had previously been the possession Of
his father, and he carried the fiddle
under his arm
This violin has been my constant
companion for more than half a life
time" said Mr.. Noodle before he
sailed. Il have been and still am the
most lonesome man in the world. and
had it not been for my fiddle I do not
know how / should have lived. At
the present day l am the only white
man on Urea island. but as long as
l have my violin l do not care AS
the years have gone by l have grown
more and more accustomed TO being
alone.
I'VE get the mail at Urea island
about once every six weeks, and so
from time to time / learn of the
worlds progress and the death of my
friends and relatives. They always
seem to be dying, and suddenly the
thought came to me that my brother
and | were the last of our family. and
so packed up my fiddle and set out
for my home in Lonehead, Scotland.
"The only people l have talked with
for years and years are the natives,
and l have almost forgotten my moth
er tongue.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
Optimism.

Admiral Schley once tried to have
certain reforms instituted in the navy.
He found at headquarters a good deal
of the optimistic or lazy spirit, how
ever. and so he rebuked a headquar-
tiers optimist with a story.
You remind me, SIR he said, of
old Jimmy Traddles. Jimmy was a
laborer. Noon sounded one day, and
he sat down and felt in his pocket for
his lunch. But the pocket was empty.
Boys he said, I've lost my
lunch
Then he gave CHEEKY laugh.
Us a darned good thing I've lost
it, too he said.
Why so, Mate? a man asked.
Because said old Jimmy, l left
my teeth at home
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
BREAK HONEYMOON BY VISITS
Kaiser's Daughter Has to See Her
Mother and Bridegroom Wants
to Consult Father.

BerIin.-Berlin society is astonished
at the hustle required of Princess Vic
UoTia and her husband. even on their
honeymoon.
They stayed only two days at Huber
tusstock. then they hurried to Pots
dam in order that the Princess might
have a chat with her mother, the En-
press. Then after a few days in the
mountains they nqved to Gmunden SO
the Prince might talk with his father.
the Duke of Cumberland. Then they
returned to Berlin and took part in
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

Ever since l arrived in the United
States | have been astonished beyond
measure, especially by the horseless
vehicles and other Injuries Of travel.
l have kept track of the worlds prog
ress in the newspapers and period
Gals, but l never realized what it all
meant until | landed in this country.
q am going home to Scotland for a
few weeks and then I am going back
to Ureau with my fiddle, and there
will remain until the trumpet calls
me to my everlasting home"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

guardroom. have the names of the
officers who did the beating. Driscoll
tried to complain to the superintend-
ent about It, but was not permitted to.
q number of the Clinton county Off
GERS who were dismissed by Colonel
Scott have come back and been rein
stated
discipline in Sing Sing prison is
in a deplorable state. Prisoners are
doing as they please. You can hear
the noise from the cell block way up
in the village. The prison is full Of
dope and whisky brought in by keep
ers for a little money. Recently a
prisoner threw bowl Of soup in War
den Kennedy's face and got away
with it."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
Foolish Question No. 1852.

Dr. Kindell Of the Fiftieth Illinois,
Ehile in camp at Rome, Ga, in 1864,
answered almost every possible foolish
question. but new one was sprung
on him by a young man of Company
E. He came to the doctor with an in
famed eye. The doctor fixed him up
some medicine to be dropped into the
eye three times a day. The young man
left the office, but returned in a few
minutes, slightly disturbed.
Doctor" said he, shall / drop this
in my eye before or after meals"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
Cone-But Not Lost"

The servant of naval commander
one day let a sword which he was
polishing fall into the sea. He was
much perturbed. and said to his
master:
"Arrah. an phase your honor, car
anything be said to be lost when you
know where it is p
Certainly not" replied the officer.
Why, then, by me sowI and ST.
Patrick, your sword is at the bottom
Of the say
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
From the cinnaminson scinitar.

Nothing rejuvenates like marriage
Look at Jane Towie Jane was once
an old maid. Jake Hopkins took pity
on her and married her last year, and
three months ago, as everybody
knows, Jake fell OF his barn and
killed himself while juggling with a
jug Of apPlejack. And Jane. the plain
old maid is now Jane, the dashing
young widow.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
HERE IS ONE ABOUT JENNY
It's Story About an Excited Passen-
ger, Trolley Car and q
Pipe.

Pittsburgh, Pa.-"Hey, Maci Stop
the car. quick, Me Jenny's fallen
off," excitedly cried a specimen of the
tall timbers and green corntields the
other night from the rear of q swiftly
moving car near Schenley Park. With
grim force the person was prevented
from jumping overheard. The con-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
DIVORCE HERE FOR SNORING
Cold Feet Valid Ground, Too, London
Jurist Is lnformed-Bad Tenn
per Also.

London.-The ease with which di-
vorce may be obtained in America
was cited in the high court here by
Justice Pickford. who remarked:
One can get a divorce in America
for all sorts of things which are not
recognized in this country A WON
n can divorce a man there in some
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
Almost RiQht,

It vas in the kindergarten. A re-
view on the subject Of THE Indian"
was in progress. Nov, children"
beamed the teacher, who can remem-
Der what the Indian woman is
called?" There was an interval OF
profound silence; then an eager voice
piped I'D: 81 know, teacher; squad"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
He Had 70 SAY Il.

Studious Maid-Heres a scientist
who says every person has a special
affinity for some tree. What tree do
you suppose is your affinity?
Smitten Youth-Yew
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

states for such trivial things as q bad
temper"
This statement drew from the de-
PENDANT in a SANDER suit, Gilbert Cir
ard. an American citizen and vaude-
Vile artist, who is sued by Mr.. and
Mrs. Groves, also American vaudeville
artists, for SANDER, the emphatic re-
joinder:
Yes, my lord: for instance you can
get divorce in Minnesota for cold
feet, snoring, or incompatibility of tenn
per"
The action concerned Mrs Graves
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
What He Meant.

That man looks as If he had lost
something.
Yes; he has lost his wife"
Il mean something valuable"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

You may be justified in blowing
your own horn, but not in going on a
foot
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
liam makes it foc his daughter and his
sOn-in-law
SAYS C0NVICTs RUN PRISONS
Strikes and Fights Are Very Com
mon, Released Clinton Man AS
serts-DiscipIine Bad.

Poughkeepsie, n. Y.-That wonder
full system in state prisons by which
prisoners manage to keep one another
posted on the news Of the Gay despite
intervening bars. bolts, and corridors,
is illustrated by an eX-convict's state
ment giving the up-tO-date news in
three New York prisons. The state
ment was made by James Ryan, alias
James Root, on his release from Clin-
ton prison. and is as follows
During Blake's investigation of the
prisons there were numerous fights
and dangerous assaults on both con-
victs and officials. Since the appoint
ment Of John B. Riley as prison super
intendent the prison discipline has
been destroyed and there is trox.jle
everywhere.
The Clinton county officials and
convicts from Clinton county have the
run of Clinton prison. The officers
from Clinton county call the out-of-
town officers 'carpet-baggeTs, which
is the cause of numerous fights be-
tween them.
In the tin shop at Clinton prison,
during the latter part of May, one
man named Rooney threw a five
pound weight in a young mans face,
with the result that he is disfgured
FOR life
On another occasion, in the early
part Of June, man named Smith-a
colored manfred to kill an officer
named Won Gorder. In all the Gin
ton shops the men are constantly
fighting and discipline is a joke
4 forgot to mention that Smith, the
negro who ran amuck at Clinton,
caught Won Gorder around the neck
and slashed him several times while
the officer was opening his cell in the
morning
AT Sing Sing prison not long ago
the inmates in the knitting shop sent
word to Warden Kennedy that unless
he removed an officer named Hill they
would not work Warden Kennedy
yielded and put Hill on night duty.
1t is a common occurrence for the
prisoners to send word to Warden
Kennedy demanding the removal and
shifting of officers.
In Auburn prison there have al
ready been three strikes among the
prisoners in the weaving mills.
"A man named DriscoIl had some
trouble with a keeper in Clinton pris-
on, and as the warden and deputy
were away at the time the Clinton
county officers pulled him into the
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

You can believe every word an hon
est politician tells you-but first find
your honest politician.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
Few Live to Advanced Ace.

Considering the entire earth, about
one person in one hundred lives to be
sixty-fiye years of age.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
Naturally So.

as Jimson's role in the play, of a
butcher, a good one?'
Not much; only feeder"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

Mosquito bites Hadfield's Belgium Ointment.
Hardware and Harness Stores. Money back
if not pleased. ADV.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

Perhaps it is the house on the 9th
er fellows lot that makes us dissatis-
fed with our own.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

1t should be a very easy matter to
bear other peoples burdens. They
are always so much lighter than ours
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
But Do They?

The reason why the educational au-
thorities want teachers who are I'M
married is because they are able to
give all their time and thought TO
their chosen work-Washingt Post.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

Eczema cured Hadfeld's Belgium Ointment,
Hardware and Harness Stores Money back
if not pleased ADV.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

Words Stronger Than Actions Here.
The author of the old adage, "Ac-
tons speak louder than words" hao
never had a judge say to him, Five
years"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

Some people are almost as stuck up
as though they had been tarred and
feathered.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
Their Goal.

They want to sue this aviator
Then literally, they are after the
man higher up"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

In these days of easy divorce it's a
wise child that knows its own step
father.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
The Very Kind.

What's your name?" asked the re-
cruiting agent.
Fish" replied the applicant.
You'll do Well make you a sword
fish
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

Piles cured. Hadfeld's Belgium Ointment
Hardware and Harness Stores. Money back
if not pleased. Adv.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

It's easier to go broke in month
than it is to get rich in year
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

moral character, and the jury award
ed to the plaintiff s625 and costs.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

Students Wondrous Reasoning.
Teacher-What is the derivation of
the word "lunatic?"
Pupil-'Luna," the moon, and-er
-er attic" the upper Glory.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

ductor gave the necessary bells and
the car came to sudden stop.
Alighting with reverse English the
excited one turned a fiipfop and dis
appeared down the tracks in the dark
ness. Passengers rushed to the
scene. So Gid many passing along the
sidewalks. Women held their hands
in the locations of their hearts and
gasped. AS someone expressed it aft
erward, "a profound stiffness rent the
air like thunder" and then
"Whoopee!" came long-drawn
chortle of JOY out of the night. An
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17

Emperor Williams jubilee celebra-
tions. Afterward they went back 60
Gmunden. Finally the Prince has been
ordered by the Emperor as comman-
der-in-chief Of the Prussian army to
rejoin his regiment at Rathenow short
iy.
A Berlin newspaper remarks that
the head of a banking firm would
make the honeymoon easier for a
junior bank clerk than Emperor Viii
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1913-07-17
RICH MAN A PAPER HANGER
Dons Overatls, Labors All Day and at
Night Enters Gay Life in French
Metropolis.

Followers in Paris of the
doctrines of the late Count Tolstoi are
interested in the example set by a
Russian of great wealth, Paris cor
respondent writes. Alexis Savaroff,
who spends one-half his day as a man
of fashion and the other half as a
paperhanger, earning $12 a week.
NJ Savarcff does not carry his mas
ter's precepts so far that he denies
himself the pleasures offered by his
wealth, but he believes, and tries 70
affirm by his life. that each man ought
to do his share in the worlds unpleas.
ant work
He arrives at his job each morning
sin his automobile, gets into his over
alls and begins work. He is employed
by a St Petersburg firm of contract
ing interior decorators and lately was
promoted to the position of foreman,
When the whistle blows at the end
of the day Savaroff returns home and
there begins his life of social promi-
nence and obligation.
He has been doing this for six years
and declares himself happy and con
tented
~~~~~o~o-~-~~o~~-~O -~---~-~-~U~-~~o-~~~-~O-
instant later the loose-jointeds one
hoped up the steps of the waiting
car. He was embracing a corncob
pipe, inserted carelessly in his face
Got my Jenny said he with a
grin. A wave Of relief passed through
the car. she's an old friend of mine"
explained the stranger, as he car
essed the corncob lovingly.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1913-02-28

Club House Goldfish at Lawrence's.
Phone 24s.
The open season for shooting quail
ends February 2sth.
Aunt Patsy's Chicken Feed makes
the hens lay, at Neblett's.
Samelson's Extra, a dime cigar for
nickle at H. Folbre & Co.
Call and see the plat of our new ad.
dition TO the city of Forrest CITY.
Lots now offered for sale. Eugene
Williams at Bank Of Forrest City.
We have our coal bins replenished
and there will be no further delay in
furnishing the public Phone 17S,
Forrest City Gin Co., James Wolfe,
Manager
Mr.. H. NJ. Foro, popular landlord
at the Hotel Marion, left Monday
morning for Houston, Texas, where
he has spent the greater portion OF
the week with friends.
Now watch the Elks grow, Every
good nan in this town must become
a member if the highest possibilities
and dearest ambitions of all loyal
Elks are to be realized.
We have the most complete and
up to-date line of Fancy and Family
Groceries in Forrest City. Promptly
delivered to your home in the city at
lowest prices by FusSell-Graham-A Al
derson Co. Phone Alp rings.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1913-02-28

Graham Flour at Lawrences CITY
Grocery, Phone 24S.
FOR RENT-New 4-room bunga
low. L. G. Marshall.
Dried peaches, apples, prunes and
apricots at Lawrences'.
Samelson's Extra, dime cigar for a
nickle at II Folbre & Co.
Our salesman will supply you with
Rice Chicken Feed. Forrest City
Grocer Co.
FOR SALE-At a bargain, my
buggy horse, perfectly gentle. Dr.
f. j. P'Pool.
Miss Mildred Oursler is spending
two or three weeks with friends and
relatives in ST. Louis.
Miss Norton Prewett is spending
sometime in Newport on a visit to the
family of her sister, Mrs. L. n. Collier.
Miss Dora Applebaum, Of Boston.
Mass, arrived in Forrest City last
Tuesday, and will make her future
home with her cousin, Mr.. Edward
Rose.
Mrs. G. G. Birkicht and Miss Be-
atrice, wife and daughter of our cour-
teous and obliging Rock Island agent
at this point, spent Monday on a visit
TO friends in Brinkley.
Miss Dorinda Thompson returned
to her school at Sloniker's Monday
morning, after having spent Sunday
very pleasantly with friends and
homefolks in this city.
FOR SALE will sell all or part
OF my furniture in the next ten days,
as | am removing to Texas and do not
care to ship. Anyone desiring to pur.
chase any of same will call at the resi-.
dence OF Mrs, L. J Folbre, and we will
show them what we have. Phone 27s.
w. R. Ferguson.
Nothing excels Rice Chicken Feed
for making hens lay. We have just
received a supply of this feed with
which we are supplying the retail
grocery trade on the shortest possible
notice. Ask our statesmen to show
you sample of Rice Chicken Feed.
Forrest City Grocery Co.