New-York tribune., 1913-07-25
AS | WAS SAYING

Poor Dear William (any husband) has passion
for fiery red wall paper. 1t is his dream Give MIN
a room papered shameessly in crude, barparic reu'
and he asks but little of the world
This however is not the dream Of Mrs. r. d. W.
Sakes alive no sensitive, cultured SOUL attuneu
to more subdued color notes. she prefers delicate
emerald background, relieved with ourht orange
medallons not exceeding yard or two In diameter
and even wants these toned down win lhslhudtloIs
of peacock blue and gold.
So there is a regular Mexican situation between the
Z. d. WIS, and feel that the Ladies Home
Journal" has not intervened any too soon such
tactful solution! Segregate William. Abandon an
entire room to his base desires. Shut him in there
and let him walow in vile redness to his hearts con-
tent.
Yet we hear that William is not fattered and
hardly wonder Come to think Of IT, his passion for
red has something noble about 1t, something ad-
mirabe. Why does William adore red? Turn the
pages of Eugene Field and you will soon see why
Read those burning lines
ANY color. as long it's red,
Is the color that suits me best"
and then, to find the explanation peruse the heart
throbs whose glad refrain is:
Rare roast beef"
So the priceless Greek bust missing these fifteen
years has at last turned up! Delighted! This gives
additional plausibility TO our prediction about the
Mona Lisa" The picture will come back to the
Louvre; but It will not be the original, nine Of which
are now owned by Pittsburgh millionaires
The ever-charming Mr.. X. c. Benson sat between
two famous Englishmen at dinner, tried to converse
with them. and takes several pages Of the August
Century" to for the zze just as II II were
not hundred years and more since DR.. Johnson
risked similar attempt and met with the retort:
Sir beg you desistl You have already made me
swallow six mouthfus Of this excellent terrapln
without tasting them"
Now that the great who-broke- the-wndow con
troversy has spilled over from the outlook into
the newspapers. where 1t RACES unchecked, some
thing must be done TO abate the boredom, We con-
fess that broke It ourself Votes for para
graphers
Captain James }. Clark. with the teeth marks Of
man eating sharks all over his body brought tho
good ship Advance into port to-day from far Costa
Rica." Hurrah FOR Captain James j. Clark! lie 10
the man Of the hour. With the teeth marks OF man
eating sharks all over his body, he can end the
regning debate TO the satisfaction OF both parties
Yes man-eating sharks exist Their motives are
honorable They do their best, but mariners are too
tough.
little unsatisfactory but find 1t every bit con-
song as the account OF polygamy We received from
the Mormons. 'Poygamy has been disbandoned,"
they told us, but know 1t TO be the ideal state"
More logic goes with that. At the time, were
pumping two Of the Twelve Apostles in their lair in
Salt Lake city. We said You puzzle why
did the Lord command polygamy and then for
bid it2'
,sI.t ty a - uufd Inn N,I
theory is. lie was disgusted with the half-hearted
way we availed ourselves Of the blessing"
oh, lovely! You give little Sammie orange, and
the rascal won't eat it, so you take it away.
How we NOPE for the poor hunted ministers of
His Majestys Cabinet! Beset by every
hand, they are unable to cope with them Beasty
fix gentlemen But we have the remedy and we
guess you about ready to adopt it. Unchan
your wives!
The lttlest Vanderbilt, born somewhere in
Europe. has landed in New York, and the reporters
tell us he is proud to set foot his native shore
So be about great minds. that is pre-
cisely the sentiment expressed by the other dis
tnguished arrival Mrs T. Follnsbee Van
Snitch nee Levy. nee McGregor, nee Muhausen
nee Finn"
Since Mr.. Stephen Leacock began poking derision
the brethren for rushing out between the acts the
inventor OF the private elevator for paygoers has
felt wonderfully encouraged, and we quite under
stand.
His is ingenious contrvance. Instead OF
crawling your neighbors and attracting atten-
tion by sneakng up the aisle. you simply press a
button and lowered seat and all, into barroom
under the theatre
We predict dazzling future for this apparatus. as
we hear that ii is exceedingly frai few vigorous
kicks will put 1t OF commission so that It cannot
take you back. r. l.. II.
ARA, NnoH roon r,,r o,,o,naa