davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Ewes. Ears-and Nose,

"Intemperance is the chief cause of
marital unhappiness," said Jerome S.
McWade, the Duluth reformer
1T was wise young bride who rec
ognized this fact Her mother on her
wedding day said to her with a sad
smile:
NOW, darling, if you wish to avoid
conflicts, you will have neither eyes
nor ears when your husband returns
home in the small hours
But, mother, said the bride, what
shall do with my nose?'"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
The frogs are croaking in the pond,

The frogs are croaking in the pond,
Because II is their nature to;
Where dead leaves lie the tender frond
Courageously is pushing through;
Where April zephyrs softly sob
The violet Is on the job.
The daffodil il lending charm
To scenes that formerly were bleak;
The colts are romping on the farm,
The alleys have begun to reek,
And. though I've sought to shoe them
hence,
Two cats are yowling on the fence.
A wondrous change is being wrought,
Grim landlords heartlessly evict.
While out upon the corner lot
An umpire's busy getting licked;
Sweet little maidens jump the rope,
And everywheres the smell of soap.
The boats are steaming down the lakes,
The hobo now the highway hits
Bewildered little garter snakes
/. Scare good old ladies into fits,
And amateurs are planting seeds
Where there will soon be wads OF weeds.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
QUlNINE AND IRON THE MOST
EFFECTUAL GENERAL TONIC
Groves Tssteless chill Tonic combines both
IN tasteless form. The Ouinine drives on,
Malaria and the iron builds up the
System. For Adults and Children.

You know what you are taking when YOU
take GROVES TASTELESS chill
TONIC recognized for so years as the
standard General Strengthening Tonic.
IT has no equal for Malaria and Fevers,
Weakness, general debility and loss of
appetite. Removes Biliousness without
purging. Relieves nervous depression and
low spirits. Invigorating TO the pale and
sickly. 1t arouses the liver to action and
puri6es the blood. A true tonic, and sure
appetizer. Guaranteed by your Druggist:
We mean it. Soc.
There is Only One "BROMo QUININE"
That is LAXATIVE BROMO OUININE
Look for signature of T.. w. GROVE on
every box. Cures Cold in One Day. 2sc.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Not as Bad as He Had Feared.

81 should think" said the beautiful
young widow, you would resent Mr..
Browns remarks concerning you"
what has he been saying about
me?" asked Senator Piflle.
He says you are politician and
not a statesman"
"Oh, pshaw! I don't mind that.
was afraid you were going to tell me
he had been saying / was not true to
my party"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
What Temperance Brings.

More of good than we can tell;
More to buy with, more to sell;
More of comfort, less Of care;
More to eat and more to wear;
Happier homes with faces brighter;
All our burdens rendered lighter;
Conscience clean and minds much
stronger;
Debts much shorter, purses longer;
Hopes that drive away all sorrow;
And something laid up for tomorrow.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Tommy's Plea.

Tommy Fergus made an impas-
stoned plea for my hand last night"
why, he has always boasted that
he would never marry"
"Oh, he didn't say anything about
marrying. He had fallen into coal
hole"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Great Barrier.

81 can desire nothing better for this
great country than that a barrier.
high as Heaven, should be raised be-
tween the unpolluted lips OF the chill
dren and the intoxicating cup."--John
p. Cough.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
In GAY New York.

my dear" said the New York man,
where did you get the new waitress?'
She says she used to be in vaude-
ville," replied his wife.
Good. Now we can have home din.
ners with cabaret features"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
No Cause to Worry.

Now, remember, l have told you
this in this strictest confidence. Don't
even breathe 1t to your wife,"
ooh, don't worry. never tell things
TO my wife unless they are at least
partly worth telling"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Refore and After.

There are now hundreds of children
In Knoxville with clothes and shoes
to wear and something to eat who
went naked and hungry when saloons
were here.-W P. Chandler, Chief OF
Police OF Knoxville, Tenn.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
TH[EKIleHEN
E6ABLNET
HE common problem-you

W HE common problem-yours,
.&A mine, everyone's-
Is not to fancy what were fair I'm life
Provided 1t could be; but finding first
What may be. then find how to make II
fair,
Up to our means-a very different thing!
MY business is not to remake myself
But make the absolute best of what God
has made. Robert Browning
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Ie<AG.- E4a,<s.eN..
A Real Surprise Ahead.

What are you doing. Polly?" asked
her mother.
I'm knitting, mumie, dear" replied
me young woman. Il heard George
'ay the other day he was afraid he'd
nave to buy new muller for his car.
'nd thought I'd knit him one as
sort of surprise. "-Harper's Weekly.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Luck.

Some men are born lucky"
81 know It. have a friend whose
house burned to the ground on the
very night before his wife expected to
begin the annual cleaning"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Not a Minute Wasted.

Can | get my pants pressed while
you cut my hairf"
Certainly, sir"
'All right. Boy, shine my shoes at
the same time and hand me that news
paper. BY the way, get the restaurant
next door to send in a couple of sand
witches, and can be eating my lunch.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Too Busy.

Most of the successful men in this
country are so busy making money
that they have absolutely no time to
make good citizens of their sons.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
sappy Gets II AGAIN.

Mr., Sapleigh--I find it dooced hard
20 collect my thoughts. you know.
MISS keen-Faiher says it's always
iheult TO collect small amounts.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
AIcohoIIe consumptIon Larae.

The alcoholic consumption a head in
this country is a little less than %
gallons year, OF which 81 are con
tanned in beer.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Imporfant TO Mothers
Clumsy Enouah

"Stoogins waltzes like a camel"
Il don't know how a camel watzes,
but Judging from Stoogins' movements
out there on the floor. he would make
a first class turkey trotter."
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Paternal Wisdom,

Pa what is a classic?'
THAT depends, my son. A classic
IN Kentucky is a horse race"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01

They are gladdening souls who
mean what they say and expect YOU
to say exactly when you ean--Shep.
pard.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
You Never Can Tell.

The man who is always yelling
about his principles may have wife
who is worrying about his morals.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01

Presently it will be possible for a
man to become famous by having a
wife who has never been operated Oh
for anything.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01

When saloon keepers begin to talk
temperature there is something brew
ing.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01

The mild mellow quality Of LEWIS
Single Binder cigar is what the smokers
want. Adv.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Its Fault.

What do you think of that labor
theory"
ut won't work"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01

Mrs. winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces inhamma
uon, allays pain cures wind collie 25c bottle -Aos
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Just the Riqht Ace

Has the millionaire Prudence mar
ried much of a past?'
"Sixty-nine years
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Skeptlcal.

It may be that barking dog never
bites, but we refuse to take any dogs
word for II.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01

We feel sorry for the hero who is
out of job.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01

TosTOP TIE C9pGH-CURE THE
TICKLING
Spray mop the throat with the wonderful o.
tic, BR. Po6TBRS AHTlsEPrIC HEALING oil
IL cures in one d. Fun directions with eacf
bottle. 25c, Soc, sl.0G.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01

GET back our mete as we
measure,
We cannot do wrong and feel right;
Nor can we give pain and gain pleas
ure
For Justice avenges each slight
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-05-01
Without Their Consent.

The man who is failure in life is
always boasting about his successful
relatives.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
GIRLS! GIRLS! TRY IT,
BEAUTIFY YOUR HAIR
Make Il Thick, Glossy, Wavy, Luxur-
liant and Remove Dandruff-ReaI
Surprise for You.

Your hair becomes light, wavy, fluff
fy, abundant and appears as soft, lus-
trous and beautiful as a young girls
after "Danderine hair cleanse" Just
try this-moisten a cloth with little
Danderine and carefully draw it
through your hair, taking one small
strand at time. This will cleanse
the hair of dust, dirt and excessive oil
and in just few moments you have
doubled the beauty of your hair
Besides identifying the hair at once,
Danderine dissolves every particle Of
dandruff; cleanses, purifies and invig-
crates the scalp, forever stopping itch
ing and falling hair.
But what will please you most will
be after a few weeks use when you
will actually see new hair-fine and
downy at f1rst-yes-but really new
hair-growing all over the scalp. II
you care for pretty, soft hair and lots
of it, surely get a rs cent bottle of
Knowlton's Danderine from any store
and just try it. Adv.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
PLEASANT FOR MISS SMITH
Have Meant Anything, But
Then Again.

There is a man in this town who
knows a good story with which to be-
gin an after-dinner speech. He has
saved 1t for two years, and has not
had a chance to use it. He has not
heard anybody else use it in that time.
He offers it here in the hope that 1t
may aid those martyrs-not listed in
Fox's book-of whom the POSTMASTER
demands that most difficult oratorical
effort-the happy after-dinner talk
about something which one speaker
has already discussed. Here it it,
very short, but lending itself graceful
ly to elaboration:
A Harvard graduate student went to
Chicago to pursue his studies. At one
session of the class he attended the
first speaker was a Chicago woman, a
doctor of philosophy, severe and plain,
but learned. The Harvard man was
called on next.
"The discussion offers room for end
less discussion" he began. Then he
bethought him of chivalry, "but really
when my learned colleague, Miss
Smith, rose to her feet, it seemed that
the ground was covered. Newark
Evening Star.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
What So Precious
AS a Healthy Baby?
Every Youngsfer Can Have Fine
Digestion IF GiUen a Good
Baby L0s0five.

In spite of the greatest personal
care and the most intelligent attention
to diet, babies and children will be-
come constipated. and 1t is fact that
constipation and indigestion have
wrecked many a young life. To start
with a good digestive apparatus is to
start life without handicap.
But, as we cannot all have perfect
working bowels, we must do the next
best thing and acquire them, or train
them to become healthy. This can be
done by the use Of a laxatiye-tonic
very highly recommended by a great
many mothers. The remedy is called
DR.. Caldwells Syrup Pepsin and has
been on the market for two genera
tions. 1t can be bought conveniently
at any drug store for fifty cents or one
dollar a bottle, and those who are al
ready convinced of its merits buy the
dollar size.
It's mildness makes 1t the ideal medi-
cine for children, and 1t Is also very
pleasant to the taste. 1t is sure In its
effect, and genuinely harmless. Very
little of it is required and its frequent
use does not cause 1t to lose its ef-
feet, as is the case with so many other
remedies.
Thousands can testify to its merits
in constipation. indigestion, bilious
ness, sick headaches, ETC., among
them reliable people like Mrs. James
R. Rouse, of Marinette, Wis. Q Her lit
tie son Howard was fifteen months old
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
FRUIT LAXATIVE
FOR SICK CHILD
"CaIifornia Syrup of Figs" can't
harm tender stomach,
liver and bowels.

Every mother realizes, after giving
her children California Syrup of
Figs" that this is their ideal laxative,
because they love its pleasant taste
and it thoroughly cleanses the tender
little stomach, liver and bowels with
out gripping.
When cross, irritable, feverish or
breath is bad, stomach sour. look at
the tongue, mother! If coated, give a
teaspoonful of this harmless fruit
laxative" and in few hours all the
foul, constipated waste, sour bile and
undigested food passes out of the bow
els, and you have a well, playful child
again. When its little system is full
of cold, throat Sore, has stomach-ache.
diarrhoea, Indigestion, colic-remem-
Der, a good inside cleaning" should
always be the first treatment given.
Millions of mothers keep California
Syrup Of Figs" handy; they know a
teaspoonful today saves sick child
tomorrow. Ask at the store for So
cent bottle of California Syrup Of
Figs" which has directions for babies,
children of all ages and grown-ups
printed on the bottle. Adv.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
GOSSIP OF THE BIG CITY
About as Entertaining as the Usual
Casual Conversation When
Men Meet.

You're looking out of temper this
morning." remarked Avenue.
That's because I'm a cross street,
Street replied. Besides, had an I'M
pleasant experience lost night. A
street light fell on me. BY the way,
what's the matter with Elevated?"
Don't know. He's up in the air, but
why l can't say. never could under
stand that fellow. He's always way
over my head. I'm afraid he's not
satisfied with his station"
Hes no worse than Tower. That
fellow looks down on all of us. Has
his head way up in the clouds"
YES" replied Avenue, "he has a
high opinion of himself, and If he ever
does take a tumble-why, what's the
natter" y
Nothing" replied Street, only my
foot's asleep"
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Menu SaVories.

AS a dainty to serve with salads try
crisp crackers. Split common crack
ers and spread lightly with butter,
then bake in oven until a delicate
brown.
Stale bread is always useful for
bread sticks and croutons to Serve
with soup. Cut into slices half-inch
thick For the croutons cut into
cubes, and for the bread sticks cut
three-inch lengths. Spread before cut
ting with butter and toast golden
brown.
A delicious sour cream dressing for
fruit salad is made with a cup Of rich
sour cream into which a half cup of
melted butter is stirred gradually.
This blended with a variety of cut
fruit, such as pineapple, bananas and
oranges, and nut meats or some dates,
is most appetizing spread on crackers
as a luncheon dish.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
GOT HER CHICKEN TENDER
All Right for Mrs. Newlywed, But
II WassRather Rough on the
Butcher.

Mrs. Newlywed did not know much
about housekeeping and was always
cheated when she went to the nearby
butcher store after her supplies.
After a particularly tough bird had
been with difficulty disposed of she
went once more to the butcher and
said:
How many young chickens have
you today?"
The butcher said: Il have but
three in the shop"
Il want two of the toughest you
have" said Mrs. Newlywed.
The butcher was surprised, but
brought out two and assured her that
these were the toughest in the place.
Had them there for a week or more.
he said.
WELL" said the lady after much
thought, I'll take the other one,
pleased"
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
'CASCARETS' FOR
LIVER; BOWELS
No sick headache, biIiousnesS,
bad taste or constipation
by morning.
Get a 10cent box.

Get a 1O-cent box.
Are you keeping your bowels, liver.
and stomach clean, pure and fresh
with Cascarets, or merely forcing a
passageway every few days with
Salts, Cathartic Pills, Castor Oil or
Purgative Waters?
Stop having a bowel wash-day. Let
Cascarets thoroughly cleanse and reg
ulate the stomach, remove the sour
and fermenting food and foul gases,
take the excess bile from the liver
and carry out of the system all the
constipated waste matter and polsons
in the bowels.
A Cascaret tonight will make you
feel great by morning. They work
while you sleep-never grippe, sicken
or cause any Inconvenience, and cost
only 10 cents a box from your store.
Millions of men and women take a
Cascaret now and then and never
have Headache, Biliousness, Coated
Tongue, Indigestion, Sour Stomach or
Constipation. Adv.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
PUTTING UP THE PORK
SOME HINTS THAT MAY BE
FOUND OF VALUE.
One Who Knows, Describes the Best
Method Of Picking the Meat-That
for Sausage Requires Differ
ent Arrangement.

After your pig is dressed and cut
up let 1t stand for a day or two to
get cool; then pack your salt pork
in a clean barrel just as tight as pos
sible, standing it edgeways and pack
ing around the sides of barrel first
and then fill in the center, placing
plenty Of coarse salt between each
piece. Now another layer of pork and
more salt, until all is used. We use
a little water, as 1t win make it's own
pickle. Now for the hams, shout
ders, cheeks, hooks, feet and any
lean pieces. For every 20 pounds Of
meat add water enough to cover, one
pound of brown sugar, one tablespoon
saltpeter, one pound of rock salt.
Cook the pickle and skim well and
turn on the meat while hot Ready
for use in two weeks. Now take the
belly strips and any lean pieces that
you may have cut out from your salt
pork and run them through your meat
cutter for sausage meat, and to every
pound Of meat add one-fourth tea
SPDOA oohCJ OuO bCdopOOh ooAh
and small quantity of ginger. Mix
well and turn in small cloth salt or
sugar bags and press the mixture in
hard. When you wish to use IT, turn
the bag back and slice it half an inch
thick and fry. The sausage meat can
be put in lard pals If you like and
little melted lard turned over to
keep the air from it, and when you
use it, make it in little cakes. The
leaves are to be tried out for lard,
also the gut fat, but don't try out the
gut until you soak it over night to
draw the blood out The spare ribs,
chimes, ETC., can be frozen, or you can
put them in the sweet pickle. We cut
on thick slice Of ham, put it in
pan with another one over it, In the
oven, and bake it half an hour, and it
is much nicer than fried. We bought
large farm last fall and have learn
ed so much. The former owners wife
taught me all about putting down
pork, making yeast and many other
useful things.-Exchange
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28

last April, but he was sick with bowel
trouble from birth and suffered In
tensely. Since Mrs. Rouse has been
giving him DR.. Caldwell's Syrup Pep
sin all trouble has disappeared and the
boy is becoming robust.
Thousands keep DR.. Caldwell's
Syrup Pepsin constantly in the house,
for every member of &c family can
use it from infancy to old age. The
users Of Syrup Pepsin have learned
to avoid cathartics. salts, mineral wa
tiers, pills and other harsh remedies
for they do but temporary good and
are shock to any delicate system.
Families wishing to try a free sam
pie bottle can obtain it postpaid by
addressing DR.. w. B. Caldwell, 203
Washington St., Monticello, Ill. A pos
tai card with your name and address
on It will do.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
RED, ROUGH HANDS MADE
SOFT AND WHITE

For red, rough, chapped and bleed
Ing hands, dry, flssured, itching. burn
ing palms, and painful finger-ends,
with shapeless nails, one-night Cuti-
cura treatment works wonders. d.
rections: Soak the hands, on retir-
ing, In hot water and Cuticura Soap.
Dry, anoint with Cuticura Ointment.
and wear soft bandages or old, loose
gloves during the night. These pure,
sweet and gentle emollients preserve
the hands, prevent redness. roughness
and chapping, and impart IN a single
night that velvety softness and white
ness so much desired by women. For
those whose occupations tend TO In
jure the hands, Cuticura Soap and Gu
ticura Ointment are wonderful.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample Of each
free,with 32-p. Skin Book. Address post
card "Cuticura, Dept L, Boston. ADV
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Dame PartIet, the Advertiser.

The following paragraph from an
article by Andrew Lang may prove
profitably suggestive to those who
have wares to sell and are shy about
advertising them: when a goose lays
an egg" said Mr.. Lang, "she just wad-
dies of as If she was ashamed of it
because she is a goose. When a hen
lays an egg-ah, she calls heaven and
earth to witness it! The hen is a
natural-born advertiser. Hence the
demand for hens eggs exceeds the
demand for goose eggs, and the hen
has all the business she can attend
to"-Youth's Companion.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
How to BroiI Steak.

To broil a steak wipe with a cloth
wrung out Of cold water; trim on
superfiuous fat With some of the fat
grease a wire broiler, place meat in
broiler (having fat edge next to the
handle), broil over clear fire, turn
ing every ten seconds of the first min
ute, that surface may be well scared.
thus preventing escape Of juices.
After the first minute turn occasional
ly until well cooked on both sides.
Steak cut one inch thick will take five
minutes if liked rare, six If wen done.
Remove to hot platter, spread with
butter and sprinkle with salt
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Hard to Reach Her.

A good planters wife. "befo' de
wah," was teaching a jet black house
girl, just fourteen and fresh from the
plantation. the alphabet. Betsy had
learned the first two letters, but al
ways forgot the useless letter &C."
Don't you see with your eyes, Bet.
sy? Can't you remember the word
see?" said the mistress.
''Yassum," answered Betsy, but she
couldn't. Five minutes later Betsy
began again bravely: ABB" and
there she stopped
What do you do with your eyes,
Betsy"
Il sleeps wild 'em, mistiss." And
this ended for that day the effort to
educate" Betsy.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Mock Hare.

Take equal parts of minced beef
and minced pork and to each pound of
meat allow one egg, the rind of one
lemon, one small teaspoon of minced
parsley, one cup of fine bread crumbs
and one small onion, finely chopped.
Mix all the dry ingredients well to-
gether. flavor with a teaspoon table
sauce, pepper and salt and bind with
the beaten egg. Make into roll, stick
little pieces of fat bacon on top, dust
over with -four and bake in moderate
oven one hour. Serve hot with the
thickened gravy and red current jel-
ly. Delicious.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
To Remove Stains.

To remove from clothing grease
marks and other stains a mixture of
equal parts of alcohol and ether will
be found excellent. To quart of this
add one tablespoonful of ammonia.
When using this, or any other stain
remover, it is a wise precaution to
try it's effect first upon a sample of
the material.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
About Hairbrushes.

When the bristles of the hairbrush
become soft, stiffen them in the fol-
lowing manner: Wash the brush well
in about a quart of hot water to
which a dessertspoonful OF ammonia
has been added; then dissolve a
large lump of salt in cold water; dip
the brush in several times, and leave
to dry in the open air.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Ham az a Haster.

When about to roast a joint cover
it with a rind saved from a piece of
ham or bacon, and cook with 1t on.
says the Philadelphia Times. This
will save the trouble Of constant
basting and win prevent the Joint
from burning or drying.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
custard Pie.

One pint milk, three eggs, a little
salt, three tablespoonfuls sugar, one
half teaspoonful maple favoring; heat
the milk. adding salt and sugar, beat
eggs slightly and add to milk. add
fiavoring last. Pour into a baked
crust.