The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1913-04-15
III The DEhc0N'S PEW
BY J. e. MACDONALD.

The little frontier town of Sander
son possessed several saloons and
gambling houses, two churches. a tele.
erapb Office, but no newspaper. There.
fore. when Gen. Gorgon Shorter. late
OF the Confederate army, arrived on
the scene and announced his inten.
ton of starting a daily journal every
one was pleased. But when the gen.
eral visited Deacon Lamb. one OF
Sanderson's most prominent citizens.
with a view to renting a suitable
building in which to house thu Sand.
erson Daily Trumpet. the deacon de-
clined to lease without receiving q
quarters rent in advance.
"Sir.r.r.r!" Numbered the redoubt'
able Shorter, "you insult me. Pay in
advance, indeed-never, sir, never"
The deacon, one Of the m'ldest.
hammered of men. felt embarrassed
and stammered out-for he lad an
impeachment of speech: 'N-n-n-no OF.
Tense, I ho.ho-hope. g-generai:'
But General SnoTter's dignity was
affronted and the initial number OF
the Trumpet contained a scorching
article devoted to the deacon, ard
scarcely a DAY + ssed without the
good man being in some manner
vituperated in the columns OF Sand.
erson's only paper. Now Deacon
Lamb, a leading member OF the
church, waj much respected by his
fellow citizens none OF whom ap'
proved OF the TrumpetS attacks.
Yet nobody dared to demonstrate
with the editor. General Shorter was
known to BE- the only survivor OF four
brothers, who had all died with their
boots on" leaving bloody records be-
hind them: and il report spoke truly
the controller OF the Trumpets edi'
torial destines haG slain several per-
soma. friends during q somewhat lin.
tied residence in Texas. Yet the
deacon preserved an unruflled calm
under fire. Even when Elder Durham.
fearful lest the trucuient Shorter
might proceed from verbal to physical
violence, urged his brother church.
man to try to placate the exterior
of the Lone Star State the deacon
merely shook his head and STAN
mered:
"T.t.the g.g.gcneral is q c-ch.ch.child
OF w.w.w.wrath, but d.d.d.do'don'e
consider him q d-d.d.dad.dangerous
man."
Thus matters stood when Shorter.
In an editorial on q religious revival
being then conducted In the town by
couple Of travelling evangelistS.
seized the opportunity to emit the
following vindlctive blast:
I'VE know Of no one In greater
need Of the sacred ministrations OF
these good men than that precious
old scoundrel-Deacon Lamb. Even
forty.rod whisky won't revive him.
He has tried that for the past thirty
years. II the liquor he has swallowed
during that period could be poured
into one vast tank It would form .
lake sufficiently large to drown the
entire congregation. the members OF
which have for . decade been delud'
ed, cheated and gulled By this today
soaked and loathsome old hypocrits."
At about eleven o'clock Of the day
on which this article appeared Dea'
con Lamb entered the editorial sanc'
tum Of the Trumpet and approached
Snorter's desk. The general looked
up with savage scowl.
"Well, sir.r.r.r," he growled fierce
~, "what can do for your"
"N.n.n.n.no-not much, g-g-g-general.
I m.m-m.merely w.w-wished-"
"Come, come, make It short. make
It short. I can't sit here all day
listening to your internal suffering"
eyes. gg-g-general, Ill m'm.m'make
It rs s-s-s-s.short as p.p.p-possible."
Taking the morning issue Of the
Trumpet from his pocket he pointed
to the obnoxious article and asked the
general II he wrote It.
"Of course wrote It. What Of Il
sir?"
An instant later the deacon
gripped the general by the back Of
his neck and, producing a stout raw.
hide whip. proceeded to lash the a..
tonished warrior with tremendous
vigor. Snorte: struggled and yelled
for mercy in vain. The deacon held
him in g grasp o: iron until he had
finished his exercise. Then he hurled
his victim into q corner, remarking:
II h.h.h-have m-m.m-made It as
s-s-s-short as p-p-p-possible. g-g-g-gen.
eral. bb.bbut when you ere m-m.m.
more at ll.lleisure I s-s-s.shall be
h-h-h-happy to renew t.t.t-this c-c-c.
con-conversation."
The news spread quickly through
Sanderson and the deacon's friends
begged him not to venture upon tho
street unarmed, as II was freely pre-.
dicted that the ferocious Shorter
would not rest until he had executed
dire vengeance upon his castigator.