Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1913-04-11
"WINED' HIS AFFINITY
AMERICAN DIPLOMAT TOOK PITY
ON THE SPHINX.
SPent Much Good Money on Cham
payne to Quench Her Thirst, and
His Reward Consisted In
Being "Flred."

That recent escapade of the Brit
sh official who poured a libation Of
sacrilegious wine down the back of
sacred image in Hindustan recalls a
somewhat similar incident that in
volved one of our own diplomats back
IN the restless days of the seventies"
SAID a veteran official of the state de.
partment He was a young fellow,
the favorite nephew of statesman
OF national prominence. and he turned
that statesmans hair prematurely
gray with his wild vagaries.
Ben, for we'll call the young fellow
Dy that name, was a man of most va
grant mind and versatile bibulosities.
HIS uncle. pardoning all his Bohemian
ooi1quities, launched him forth time
and again on many a promising ven
ture in this line or that, but ever Ben
came floating home on high tide of
alcohol. At length the statesman,
seeking to sober him by the burden of
responsibility, gave him long lecture
and the consulship to Cairo. Ben
took the pledge, took drink and took
the first boat for the land of the Pha-
raohs.
lie was of most romantic nature,
smothered heretofore under the stern
practicalities Of American life, but.
moistened by subtle liquors and nour-
ished by the Egyptian stars glinting
their soft images in the waters of the
age-old Nile. it bourgeoned forth and
tnrove amain. 1t was his wont-when
loaded to the Plimsoil mark with what
the genial Horace might have termed
old Falernian'-to wander beyond the
sacred river, and, crossing the inter-
vening sands, sit for hours in silent
communion with the Sphinx. Here he
felt he had met his affinity at last.
"One afternoon, while deeply
wrapped in one of these affinity Quaker
meetings with his stony lady love, the
thought was suddenly borne in upon
him that, after sitting out there for
countless ages on the dry and hot and
dusty desert, the old girl must have
most appalling thirst.
Forthwith he hied him back to
Cairo, purchased half dozen cases
Of the best champagne from Sheperd,
loaded them upon a camel and, hiring
a fellah, as assistant barkeep, so to
speak, betook himself and his wine
back through the soft Egyptian night
to the sand-swept paws of his silent
sweetheart.
Arrived. he and the deckhand of
his ship Of the desert broke open the
cases, loaded themselves down with
their contents, and, clambering upon
the head of the aged female, poured
l44 bottles Of wine down her neck!
Having accomplished this act of favor
for the idol Of his heart, Ben returned
to Cairo and slept the slumber of the
peaceful hearted
Now, all this romantic adventure,
worthy Of Knight of the Round Table,
might have been blown out into the
desert upon the winds had not certain
lnquisitive busybodies about the lobby
Of Sheperd's hotel at Cairo learned the
sentimental story and brought 1t back
to America, where it reached the off,
cial ears of the state department. or
hcials Of that day were an uncouth lot,
with an atrophied sense of romance
and poesy, and they recalled Ben with
celerity that in these days of swift
ness Is denominated as getting fred
The sudden blow and the rude sepa-
ration from the scenes amid which his
poetic soul had blossomed out into
that last wild act Of love, broke Ben's
heart, and, always anxious for an ex-
cuse, he spent the remainder of his
days in deep drink.
But" concluded the official. "ac-
cording to the report on the matter.
Ben is the only man that ever bought
the Sphinx a drink"