Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-11-18
A Few Laughs

4 Z .E 4
Winter Baseball.
See the barnstorm baseball teams
Trying to keep warm.
See old winter greeting them
With a real storm.
With their poor chapped hands.
See the sports, out OF sorts,
SILVER in the stands.
Hear the chatter of the teeth
In the umpires face.
See them 60, through the snow,
Down to second base.
See the spitball spheroid freeze
To the pitchers paw
Baseball in November, hey?
That Is pretty raw.
Ambiguous.
"You remember barely missed you
several times last year"
Yes" said the guide.
: well, I'm better shot now"
The Wherefore.
'Why does that hen refuse to ASSOC
ciate with the other hens?"
.OAks LldJ uSIl IL uCoSChuCu iiohi VIZ
Of the original Plymouth Rocks"
slim Audiences.
Complaints from Mrs. Pankhurst
Say she has had NO chance.
You cannot reach folk with a speech
AS with q barefoot dance.
Back In His Payments.
! Nvo,, Rox,,, - h,,chov1 vn,,ot still 10vn
you"
why so?"
"He tells he owes great deal to
YOU"
Hes referring to the back ALI
mony.'
Good Work.
Seen my Portrait"
mo"
Makes me look like blockhead."
"Ah, I see. You always insist on
the best talent"
Also Rags.
''Kiphng says woman Is a rag and
q bone and hank of hair
my wife Is always buying addition.
al hanks"
The Reason.
Interviewer-May | ask why you
paint nudes exclusively?
Celebrated Artist Certainly. Styles
In women's clothing change SO fast
that a costume picture would be out
Of date before the paint was dry
Puck.
The Limit.
Binks-Tll never play poker fifth
my wife again!
Winks-Why not?
Binks-After taking my last cent
she wouldn't lend me my carfare to
get away from home.-New York
Globe.
Fitted For the Job.
"She, ought to make a splendid
wife of an American ambassador
h
els she distinguishes"
Dear me, no; but she can do her
own homework and darn socks
Life.
More Then He Could Stand.
1T is only once in a long while"
Tom McNeal quotes Abe Peters as
saying, that you find plain homely
man who is really aware Of the way
be looks. know one exception Jed
who used to live down in
southeast Kansas, was certainly the
homeliest human critter | ever laid
hat Tod
knew 1t. One winter down there Jed
attended revival meeting and the
preacher, aided by the sisters and
deacons, decided to make a combined
effort to bring him into the fold
"'Think brother, said the preach
or, of the delight Of meeting your loved
ones In the better land
\ 81" Ts it your idee?' Jed asked OF the
parson, that If do the right thing l
Will show up in the better land a
lookin' as naturel as life?'
& Certainly, Brother Perkins, said
The preacher.
We'll, said Jed, with a gloomy
sigh, II that's the case, believe !
would rather be lost OF course, If
I'm among lot of goats it won't make
80 muchs difference, but If have to
try to work my way into good society
In the New Jerusalem wearin' this face
Of mine and havin' to wear 1t always,
It will be a leetle more than kin
stand. '1"-Kansas City Star.
What the Spider indicated.
When Mark Twain, in his early days
was editor of Missouri paper, a super
stitious subscriber wrote him saying
that he had found spider in his
paper, and. asking him whether that
was q sign. of good luck or bad. The
humorist wrote him this answer and
printed It: /
"Old Subscriber: Finding spider
In your paper was neither good luck
nor bad luck for you. The spider was
merely looking over our paper to see
= 4 ~..ks ..s.