Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1913-01-09
A MOONSHINE
LEGISLATOR
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1912. by Associated Lit
erary Press.

1T was ten or twelve years ago when
our member of the legislachur turned
agin moonshine whisky.
THAT meant that somebody else
must be elected in his place, and what
did the pesky people around yere do
but cum to me and want me to stand.
They cum to my cabin dozen at a
time, and they shook hands and called
me an honest man and all that and the
mo- hung back the mo- they wanted
me to run. When they got me into
tight co'ner | says:
~ can't skassly read, and l can't
skassly write, and yo' all know that
! can't get up before that legislachur
and speak ten words, and what good
could do down to NashvilleY
They purtended to give in at that,
| but what did the critters do but put
me up to be voted fer when the time
| cum. and the fust thing | knowed ]
was lected by 400 majority When
heard the news | told it to the old wo-
man and said:
"Waal, what am ! gwine to do about
It? I've either got to hunt fer cave
and hole myself up or go to Nashville
"Yo'Il go to Nashville she says.
"'And what'Il yo' do?
"'I'll 90 with yo'."
"Waal, we started off one day and
got aboard of the railroad kyars.
was Il little narvOus, and the old wo-
man braced her feet and hung on with
her hands, but we got along without
any calamity. In about an hour, whel;
she dared to open her eyes and draw
her breath, she says to me:
'Heb, how many houses have yo'
seen since we left homer
"'More'n a hundred says |.
"'And how many peopleT
'More'n a thousand
"'ShOo, Then we must hev got clear
around the world and back home
ag'in.
when we got down to Nashville
thar was so many people and SO many
houses and such movin' around that
! got the old woman behind me and
prepared to fight to the death, but not
critter laid hands on us. Some of
'em laughed at my cowhide boots, and
some of EN- grinned at the old wo-
mans poke bonnet, but everything was
good natured. We went to tavern to
git board, and when the old woman
sees the carpets on the floors, the stuff
cheers standin' around and the lookin
glasses rs big as a tablecoth she turns
pale and puts her arms around me and
says:
"Zeb, l kin see now why thar ar
so many sinners in this world. If
critter kin hev all these things, he
don't keer a pesky drat about gwine
to heaven. I'm afeared We'll be bad
huff to steal hawgs in week.
"At the end of three days the legis-
lachur opened, and | had to go up to
the statchouse. Lordy, stranger, but
I'd rather tackled three old bars at
once. had goose flesh as l struck
that crowd, and the old woman wasn't
around to Encourage me. | went into
the statehouse with the crowd, and
I'd jist found seat when Teller
comes around and says:
"Excuse me, but amt that rifle
yo've got tharT
"'She be- says I. It's rifle which
has killed mo- bars and wildcats than
yo' could count in an hour, and she's
still ready fer the next varmint
but yo' can't bring no deadly weep
In we're, he goes on. This amt no
jumpln' match nor boss race, but the
legislachur of Tennessee
Il told him l knowed whar | was,
but that should keep tight holt of
that rifle till | knowed | was out of
the woods, and he goes away growlin'
to hisself. Mebbe it was half an hour
arter that when Teller stands up on
platform and looks at me and says:
"'Does the honorable member from
Beaver Cove expect to find any bars
ON the tlooh of this house?
81 amt sayin' as | do, | answers,
but If thar is riot over moonshiue
whisky l might want sunthin' better
than a club
"Bimeby that same Teller stood up
agin and says, as slick us yo please:
MCbbt tiS iioi
Beaver Cove would like to be excused
for half an hour while he takes his
gun home
"'Do any critter yere want to pick
fuss with Feb White? says | as
stands up.
Everybody laughs and claps his
hands. but no one comes nigh me. and
puts on my cap, shoulders my rifle
and says as l walks out:
Its an onery crowd, and thar amt
a man among yo' who kin pull a rab
bit out of a holler logr
II went straight to the tavern, and
thar | found the old woman shiveriu'
and shakin' fur her life.
"'What'S the matterT says |.
They've put piller cases trimmed
with lace on our bed says she, and
the gorgeouSneSS of Ii will bring on