davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

1LD BILL COLE a hungry old soul
Who lived in boarding house home
tie called for cash,
He called for hash
And then for a brush and comb
OLD EBERT HUBBARD
He went to the cupboard
To get his poor dog bone
On his way there
He sold a Roycroft chair
So the poor dog got sirloin steak
MARY had a little lamb.
NA Twas little a chip.
Il came to her upon plate,
And cost eighty cents-sans zip.
JACK SPRATT would eat fat
wife would lean.
Then the raised the price of both
Now they're not so blamed particular
GOOD story is told OF two actors who both waiting
- wellknown theatrical manager with a view
engagement and boasting dramatic
ploits
All. my boy" said one. when played Hamlet the au
dence took fifteen
looked az him.
Was he lame?" he inquired gently
IN that YOU have given me-"
ORAH" said the mistress, these French sardnes
"Shure OF don't know, Maam.' said the waitress;
they were pasht spakn' whin opened the box"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

Copyright, 1913, by the Star Co
~ EILLY kept a restaurant not
R far from Fifth avenue and
Forty-second street, and ca
tered to the tastes of the solid bust
ness men OF that section.
During one MONDAY rush waiter
approached Reilly and notified him
that a patron of the place wished to
see him at a certain table.
What's the trouble?" asked
Reilly, after locating the man.
Look here, Reilly" growled the
customer, 81 thought you catered
only to gentlemen. Those two fell
lows at the next table haven't the
table manners of a couple Of barn
yard porkers, and their profanity is
APPALLING. If you are going to permit
your patrons to be annoyed by such
cattle, !. for one, shall transfer my
patronage elsewhere"
Reilly sized up the offenders for
minute. listening TO their converse
ton, and then strobe toward them.
Say, you fellows" he roared,
this here's a respectable place for
respectable people. You'll have to
cut out the GUESSING and conduct
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06
actor"

Did you attend play written, acted and staged
by amateurs? l did-once It was In Memphis and
it a regular old-fashioned costume melodrama a
little Of RicheieuHamlet and the Two Orphans rolled
into There is just one scene which sticks in my
memory.
The authorstar in pink feshngs and wearing
naughty smile, receives message from the trembling
herald. The messenger was trihe uncertain IN his
lines.
MY lord, the beauteous princess waits without" he
cried.
His lordshp frowned naughty, even superciious
frowu.
Without what, varlet?' he inquired, imperiousy.
Without food raiment, SIRE" answered the quak-
ing varlet.
Then feed her and send her in, returned the hero.
But the curtain fell in time the from be-
ing pinched
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

A burglar broke into our bed
chamber one night recently and
aiming a revolver a. our head de-
mauded our purse or threatened
20 blow out our brains Our bet
ter half shrillv exclaimed Aim
a. his feet. AIM al his feet. and
nov there IS a GOODNESS in our
family circle which viii take a
long time o warm mp. although
uu~ Wife SAYS she merely meant
10 Lave the rufiau lose his aim.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

",2-r'sht 'sly. - n. star C-rp,-v
G-sat sTtsin RRss Ez-rsI
HERE s-e three hf's su-r1nudf--
r-e Commercial House. and Won
set three distinct echoes from the
bar-room When a stranger IS asked
to have drink he hears the invita-
zion three times and thinks he has
three coming. and the awakening
is very sad. We know whereof We
EpeGt as We swOke ourselves
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

Our brain. that cache IN which
49, Hidden many literary gems OF
great price. is 50 charged with
spontaneous humOr that the fire
insurance underwriters ave
raised our insurance rates owing
10 the possibility OF our setting
the building on fire
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

Theater managers these days seldom quarrel with
the dramatic critics. though the actor who is
roasted may raise futile kick. | believe most of the
reviewers inclined to be charitable The briefest
and most charitable criticism of a performance ever
across printed morning in a Denver news
paper just after the appearance of woudbe tragedan
whose bank roll had enabled him to organize Shakes
pearean repertoire company. The notice read:
Robert Barrett jerks played Hamlet at the Grand
Theater last night He played it till 1915 o'clock"
But John c. Fisher of The Red Rose" Company,
told me of a notice Uncle Toms Cabin" company
received in Ohio town decade ago. The local
paper next morning said
" Uncle Toms Cabin presented at the opera
house last night. The bloodhounds were very good
but were given poor support"
It was in New Orleans that l heard a dramatic
critic hand a warm comeback to an actor whom he
had severely criticised They had at the club and
the actor began going for the newspaper man.
See here, did you write a play?" he began
Then how you criticise a drama? Did you ever
part? Then what right have you to roast my
acting?'
Calm yourself, my friend" retorted the critic Il
laid egg but feel fully qualified to tell when
bad one is found in my omelet."
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

Some Of our thrifty citizens in
vested their money in a western
mining stock a few years back.
We asked Lem Doolittle. who was
one of the investors, if he had
realized anything from the ven
ture. He said yes, he realized
what a darn fool he was.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06
Manager of the
Atlanta Theater

his engagement that Harry was invited to private
home for chat and the host opened bottle of old
Scotch which had been down cellar since Atlanta was
Marthasville
What do you think of that Harry?" asked the host
when he poured a bit into a thmbe glass and passed
it over to the Scot That Scotch is so years old"
Dinna We think bit small for its age?" asked
Harry
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

went to see Little Women" while
he was in New York.
There is trouble IN the choir OF
the Baptist Church. The pastor
asked the soprano to sing a solo.
Looking This Way" and, as the
soprano lady is cross-eyed. she took
umbrage at it. Also Deacon Hobbs
had a new, squeaky pair Of shoes on
last Sunday and while he was pass
ing the collection plate the choir
rendered "Hark. Hark My Soul"
The deacon vows il will be many
long day before he attends divine
worship again
lrS an i.' wind thar blows nobody
To- "a good sight up around the Fiat
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06
The Way May Irwin Tells Them

A YOUNG to the office OF editor about
the fate Of manuscript He received It back. also
advice from the editor
You've got half way through the book before saying
anything, explained the editor You
first paragraph and then go with your plot"
In few days the editor manuscript again
It had been changed according instructions This was
the FIRST paragraph.
Curse you. said the duchess who until now had not
engaged in the conversation"
TWO bibulous friends afraid go the remarks
they knew waiting for them their wives went
10 hotel to spend the night They room
with two beds in it, Undressing dark they by acct
got into bed
said smith-Jones. there's a u my bed
said Jones-Smith there's n my bed
Let's kick them out" was Smiths advice which both
proceeded 10 do At last triumph smith
I've kicked my
Smith answered. My mans kicked me out"
HERE rhymes dashed on tho inspiration being
- pantry and contents my home in the Thousand
Islands.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

Harry Lauder, who entertained on the morn
ing of his recent visit to Atlanta by a club of local
Scots is rather fond of nppy of the same STUFF
which Bobby Burns priced so highly and is said to be
something of connoisseur Somebody told me after
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

Noel Jones, the barber, saw one
Of those new revolving barber poles
down in New York recently. He
came home and dressed his son
Tom. who is six feet tall and weighs
ninety pounds, in red, white and
blue striped stun and made him
turn round and round Now the
doctor is treating the boy and giving
him stun to rouse his liver.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

But there a line in a meodrama played in At
lanta by professional company not long ago which
wasn't much better though it got by most Of the au.
dence. The shabby working man. scorned by the fur
trimmed villain with the cigarette pulled this one:
But remember, sir, clothes do not make the man
My trousers are patched and shabby, but they cover
an honest heart"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

Most assuredly. They've got to
get a handsome figure to get the
Job
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

There VAS a cs-uz ho,d-ga
ogar nu Tie Ridge las --day
weyA. sam Hodgiuz aas held
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06
The Rural Editors Scrap Basket

up by one gsllus, single. unaided
and alone.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

A correspondent writes 10 ask rs
II the ladies' in the chorus get a
good hgms for their services.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

Ne presume one 81 ii
sNioms 70 he learned al .l. .ual
o. journalism viii be tha. -wo
scare heads are better ,hau one
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

There is some breath IF scandal
up al the Baptist Church because
IG1aSy has il Lh@i Deacon Snorgum
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

Speaking Of weather. this is the
season when Farmer Jones looks
carefully over the goOse's bones.
for he can tell 10 the heft Of a
feather just What Will be our Win
ter WEATHER. 80 what's the use OF
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

weather clerks who only forecast
In fits and jerks. when we can
have old Farmer Jones and the
old reliable goose's bones.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

After soms argument pro and
con, and hither and thence. our
wife has new Fall suit and a
new dress. while We have a new
soft hat. Peace hath her victories
as well as war.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-06

Copyright, 1913, by the Star Company
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-11-22

Fairfield, Neb.-Mr. and Mrs. John
SHIRLEY bruised, daughter Martha, 5,
pinned under auto and burned to
death, and second child seriously in
jured when car skidded and turned
over.
Seattle, Wash.-coI. Charles Nc
Clure, U. S. A, commanding Thir-
tieth Infantry in Alaska, dead.
Bingham, Utah.-Police searching
for Ralph Lopez, Mexican who fed to
hills after numbering four persons.
Oxford, Eng.-Third wife Of Fer
dinand Pinney Earle, afinity-artist,
says he is hypnotic. Women cannot
resist him.
Paris.-Judge Ebert II. Gary,
chairman Board of Directors U. s.
Steel Corporation, paid 100000 for
painting THE Market Cart"
New York.-When William Muller
insisted that his wife quit reading and
feed him, she fed him cake of soap,
William said, explaining in court why
he spanked her.
Munich.-The BaVarian finance
minister, faVOring increase OF kings
allowance to $1,35O,OO0, said it was
less expense for royalty to hunt than
to chase Venus.
Berlin.-Rear Admiral Emsn1ann is
authority for statement that wire
less telephone conversation was car
ried on between Hanover and New
Jersey, distance of 1000 miles on
Oct. 27.
New York.-OIga NethersoIe, act
ress of "Sapho" fame, was awarded
verdict of $32,217.32 against shu-
berts and Liebler, theatrical man
ayers, for breach of contract
Meridian, Miss.-Masked robber
entered bank at Heidelberg, Miss.
Locked employees in vault. Escaped
with $4,000.
Kansas City, Mo.-secause clair
voyant told her finance would be I'M
faithful. Agnes Fairbanks, 20, ended
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-11-22
OUTSIDE NEWS FROM WIRE AND CABLE

been assaulted James Biddlecomb,
Ineman she charges with crime,
jailed.
New Notwithstanding two previous
husbands dead or divorced, Mrs. Lulu
Murphy married a third. Sent to
prison for year. 49,.
New York.-With her mother on
death bed, Christine Grauer eloped
with Edward Ziebrock. Disinherited
of 100000 estate. Friends say:
"Her husband is plumber; she should
worry" .-
Pittsburgh.-Jack Robbins of the
Last Chance Boys Club, said he
could not find really bad boy in Pitts
burgh and was going to Erie, where
he heard there was a terror"
Sharon, Pa.-John. Grandy, IRON
worker, blind in one eye four years,
restored sight trying to dislodge
speck of dust by rubbing.
Winnipeg, Man.-22,o0o section
men on Canadian Pacific system de-
manded increase in wages. Arbitra-
ton.
Findlay, O.-Ohio Oil Co. raised
price of oil 5 cents per barrel, all
grades touching highest mark ever
known,
Schenectady, N. Y.-UnIess 2 em-
ployes recently discharged are taken
back, strike of 10000 employees of
General Electric Co. will be called.
Sun, La.-Mrs. Julia Johnston, ~,
prominent here, reported to have
confessed to murder of her infant
twins born yesterday.
SpringfieId.-chief of Police Un-
derwood has ordered no more cabaret
and no more music in cafes.
Baltimore, Md.-Wm. n. Beatty,
IS; Mrs. Helen Long, Is, bride of
three weeks, and Miss Agnes c.. Hess
have used bichloride of mercury in
attempts to end their lives. All three
in serious condition.
-O-O-
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-11-22

Mother-MabeI, why do you take
two pieces of cake? Mabel-'Cause,
ma, you. told me not to ask twice
for 1t. -.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1913-12-12
A TYPE OF YOUNG NAN,
Council Bluffs Nonpareil.1

Tho young man with q young wife.
both looking for an easy time and q
chance to get big money with little
work. are in for a season Of rough ex-
perience. They will be fortunate IT.
later on. the odd Man" comes down
to the city with his whiskers. his shirts
that mother made and a @15 hand- me-
down suit and shoes which never saw
polish other than they received In the
ba-nyard. pays the delinquent accounts
Of the young man and takes him heme.
In the spring this same Old Man may
set the young man up in a little house
on h old farm, that Is, If the young
man has got his eye teeth out. II tho
old nan deserts him, as he deserves,
the Lord alone knows what will be-
Of him.
The spectacle of q strong young
man. with only himself to support, out
OF money and " of a Job, is a travesty
on u civilization. But the worst
phase Of this spectacle-it Is nothing
less than g. spectacle for both gods an0
mems the fact hat his perverted
view CT life and shiftless habits make
him dead timber" in a live forest, a
liability to the state rather than an as
set, a burned match. a wasted life. The
young man with a wife and such habits
n outlook on life is a double Liability
to the state.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1913-12-12
The Peiies and the Woman Fraud.
rChicago Record Herald

I Fraudulent beggars have been known
to stage pathetic spectacles In the pub
lie streets in order to humbug passing
pedestrians, but few Of those artists
score q triumph BY taking Ii police and
reporters. Such Z comedy was per-
formed the other day on the edge OF
the loop with such simple properties
as a year. old-child, . teddy bear and
q tale involving deserti0n ana election
from q hospital. But the star. 1t 10
now known was . young woman nde
the ban OF United Charities and pos
sessed Of q $4,000 bank account in Kan
kakee. She herself professe6 to be
exhausted" but the bank account was
as strong as ever.
The episode il picturesque a enter
tanning, yet 1t leaves q bad taste. Not
because Kankekee should have pre-
sumed to ,bambooxle the metropolis. but
because this exposure Of pretended SUI
fering may lead to the shutting on OF
relief in some genuine and worthy case
The police and tho reporters-have
shown themselves sympathetic ANA
charitable in many emergencies. and II
is to be feared that the performance
of the Coincidence from Kankakee may
steel their hearts and close their pock-
cts at some juncture when both should
be open.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1913-12-12
"Ju.t Cali NJ. George"

lCIllCdSO 1IISI oSSoA'I r 81.
Col. w. G. Bentley, one OF the most
distinguished Of the Illinois soldiers IN
the civil war, has objections to oelns
referred to as general"
1T reminds me of a story" he said.
about q certain General Cooper OF
New York. General Cooper Was IN
George Washington's army, and Hved
to see a green old age. At Fourth OF
July celebrations he was always in de-
mand, and would be trotted out to give
his "Reminiscences OF the father OF our
country. Finally he got too old to make
a speech, SO it was suggested that the
chairman OF the program committed
interview him and relay his words to
the gasping public.
".And so o were with General
Washington? suggested the commit
teeman.
81 was wheezed the old fellow.
"'And you took part In the battle?
Eyes. I had killed eleven redcoats.
and was aiming my musket at another
one when General Washington rode up
to me-
Indeed? What did he say?
"rHe said: Colonel, don't kill any
more Of those poor fellows Spare
them for my sake"
"'And you?
"'Oh, said: General. I want to
make 1t an ever dozen. I would feel
happier If I killed twelve" You are
doing noble work. colonel" said George,
and slapped me on the back. Then.
with tears in my eyes. I said: Don't
call me colonel, General Washington;
just call me George"
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1913-12-12


Citations were organised In every VII
lage. wherever possible. They have
been very active in securing physical
improvements, such az cement and
stone. sidewalks. electric lighting, vii
lage parks, Fairgrounds, clean streets,
new school buildings, etc.
The Bennington County Improve
ment Is financed by annual dues from
its members, and by contributions
from certain members, who constitute
the roll Of honor. and by other desig-
mated as sustaining members. Nearly
900 regular members a a fee of 81
per yea each. Ten sustaining members
contributed 800, one on the roll
of honor" gave $3.50. and nine others
1000 each.
If stony old Vermont can maintain
to great advantage an improvement
association like this what does 1t sug-
gests to Iowa counties like Marshall?
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1913-12-12
WHAT the FOURTEEN CENTS MEAN

In the offices Of the Lincoln Aigh-
a Association In Detroit a. fine frame
on the wall holds fourteen copper
pennies. Those fourteen pennies prob
ably represent the heaviest contribu-
ton to the great highway which is to
stretch it's shining length between the
two oceans.
The pennies came from Alaska n
ire the contribution Of a little group OF
Eskimo school children In the tiny set
tlement of Anvik. The teacher had
told them of Lincoln. When she later
told them Of the splendid memorial
highway which was to bear his name
these children brought out from hid
Ing places where they had treasured
them those pennies and insisted that
they should so toward building the
great roadway.
The gift is greater because 1t rep
resents the limit Of giving. 1t was all
the children had. A penny to an
Alaskan Eskimo child means more
than millions do to the commonwealth
of the rich states thru which the Lin
coin road passes.
The little Eskimos shame U pa
triotism. When we speak of the LIN
coin highway we speak Of it's con-
venience, of it's certainty to bring local
profit by reason of being a main thor
oughfare and of the advertising we
shall receive because of the passing to
and fro of large numbers of tourists.
The memorial idea is lost sight Of In
the purely commercial n selfish n
of personal advantage. But the Eskimo
children gave their pennies to an idea,
to the memory of a man who of all
men represents the supremacy Of the
common rights Of mankind. The APP
peal of the memory of the great
emancipatcr secms 10 be stronger in
Anvik than in Iowa.
1t is a little thing, the gift of four
teen pennies to the highway which is
to cost $40. 900, 900, but it is so entirely
fine and so thoroughly Of the essence
Of patriotic and public spirit that we
who demand immediate returns OF cent
per cent for our gifts and contributions
may well take notice Of it and find a
certain self condemnation in the COM
parison.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1913-12-12
MORE GOOD ROADS.
darlington Gazette.l

lLht 113l6to3& 'oSSSSS.1
The energetic board of supervisors
of Des Moines county are determined
to keep the good roads propaganda
alive In these parts. In this praise
worthy intention they should have the
active support of every farmer in the
county. Every section of the county
should be c!amorins for goood roads
and insisting thai the county aid them
to get the roads. Such a clamor would
be the best kind Of news to the board
of supervisors. They have made AT
excellent start and will push their
Chairman Pettibone and Supervisors
miles of hard roads in the county. One
stretch vas on the Upper Augusta road
and the other on the Wapello road.
to the enterprise Of the board. They
are a JOY to every person who has
occasion to drive over them. The
board has also taken the fullest %ad-
vantage Of the new 8 Iowa road law
that permits them to construct SER
viceable dirt roads and the past sum
mer has brought about some wonder
full improvements in the districts des-
ignated for working. The hard road,
however, is the best road. 1t stand
up at all times and is as serviceable In
muddy weather as in dry weather. Its
construction should be encouraged to
the limit. The experiment of building
concrete roads should likewise be car
ried out, and inside of five years, with
such men as Pettibone, Schwaller and
Sienein pushing the project. Des
Moines county should be as high n
dry out of the mud as Jefferson street.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1913-12-12
Topics of the Times

Reports from Denver by those who
are IN touch with business conditions
there are serious. One resident of the
city says there are 1900 vacant houses
there and tha empty business houses
may be found on practically every
block Of street in the city. Denver is
ar instance perhaps of unwise boom
ing. There is such a thing as over doing
it.
How it must crouch the Iowa man
who is spending his money for climate
to get letters from home telling the
common story Of an Iowa fall. Bue
they have to spend the money some
way and there are worse ways than a
trip to the coast even at the loss Of
an Iowa December. They all have to
''see the folly of it,"
If the republicans were to organize
about progressive lines the Col. could
add the b. m. to his Smithsonian col
lection.
The difficulty is that when all is
quite III MEXICO business IS mighty
slack for the politicians and other peo-
pie who ride horseback. Those who
have nothing in Mexico never expect
to hav emore n the rich crave ex-
element. If there were some way of
setting all Mexicans to work there
wouldn't be any trouble.
If you don't believe time flies take
notice Of the two weeks previous &c
Christmas or before a good sized note
comes due.
There is much talk Of what the legis-
lature had in mind" But when had
a legislature a mind?.
It would be a great pity to drag
Professor Taft out to a place on the
republican committee. He seems to he
enjoying himself and everybody else
seems to be getting along easily Why
not respect his feelings?
Alice Day McLaren, the wife Of an
American living in the city CO Mexico,
will have In the January Scribner q