The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-08-10

lSiI1ihS 10 uOllC IOl puOllCdUlOIl,
re speeches that the five candi-
us with.
and seranade-the birthplace of Pic-nics
and Egg-nogs-the cline where all made
| merry and where nobody cared a dam
| for the Ubiquitous Tariff
These two Plantation owners was blue
bloods from the head-waters. If there
| was any real Aristocracy existin' at that
| time Colonel Buck and Major Thad were
samples of the ginorine article. Each of
| EN- owned Niggers by the hundreds. and
| rich land by the league. Bein' Baptists
Democrats and neghbors, they was al
ways together, and got along as peaceful
as church. Every day one of EN- Wis
. tied the other, which called for much talk
| ON Politics. more seegar smokin', and a
| 1nordinate consumption of Mint Juleps.
Politics in them times was the main sub
Ject of talk among elderly Gents so that
the mistakes and rottenness of the
Wings always proved a exhileratin' topic
for these old Swells, as they sat on the
Porch and famed with Panamas-they
got a heap more out of it than we do
duence and that blasted Amendment
question.
Consumption of Mint Julips
When they'd git on the subject of the
hell-deserving Wings, the consumption Of
Mint 1uleps increased alarmingly, so that
the black Butler was often in danger of
brain flag. fearing the straws wouldn't
draw. or he'd git holt of the wrong bottle
of whiskey. On every topic these friends
was unanimous; as kids they had liked
each other, as boys they had At for each
other in College. and at the time l am a
tellin' you about they was what you
might call "Buddies," right.
But bye and bye there happened lit
tie rip in the warp of their friendship
which threatened to tear open the whole
garment. All on account of a COW law
which fool Legislature had sawed off on
the people. If there is any law that will
make man madder than a law to re-
move the County seat. it is burned Stock
law Now Colonel Mallory owned val
ley farm, with no range for cattle-pro-
tected with about 10 miles of fencing
and of course he favored the Stock law
but the Major had untold miles of noun
tain range where the grazing was fine,
not needin' any fence. Therefore he was
agin it.
Cow Reported Impounded
The first outburst took place one
Spring evenin', when a niger reported to
the Overseer, and the Overseer passed the
news on to Major Rose that one of Major
Thaddeus Roses cows was imponded in
| ceedin' was like a red rag to bull and
| the Major surged over to the Mallory
| mansion, all spradded out, and organized
for war. Seeing Colonel Mallory sitting
TRANQUILITY on his porch the Major bawled
out to him in stentorian tones: Cit Off en-
that Porch. Mallory. and come down here
| and explain this outrage to mel
| Colonel Buck got up, sorter law
| sauntered down to where Major Rose
| stood fuming by the gate, and lows: Come
| on in, Thad, and less have a julep.'
Julep nothinh bawls the Major I've
come over here after my COW, and I'm
| going to git her. or blood will flow sahl'
"Lookin' surprised, and hurt, Colonel
Mallory stiffened up a little and said: I
haven't been informed that I have your
COW, but If l have one, and you make it
matter of such imperious and insulting
demand, my reply is that you can't get
her, sab, unless you first pay all lawful
charges for impounding heri'
" Pay your Grannys furiously whooped
Major Rose. I won't pay a cent, unless
l have to pay a fine for whipping every
man person on this placel I'll have that
tcow, or else I will lick everything with
two legs on your blame Plantation
Now, see here, Major Thaddeus Rose
| replied the Colonel, L am not accustomed
| to such language from any one. You
can't bluff me with your threats. I did
| not know had your COW. but am no
more afraid of you than of an old
woman
"'who's an old woman? spluttered the
Major. If I'm an old woman I throw 1t
back in your teeth, that you are an old
foolp
@ Do you mean to insult me, sahY re-
sponded the Colonel unconsciously ad-
vancing a step toward his irate neighbor
" Insult nothinr bawled Major Rose
doubling up his fists, you can't be insult
ed! You are an Old Granny, and I can
mop the Earth with YER
Stand back, sah. sternly demanded
Mallory, Slightly pushing against the
shoulder of the advancing Major
! !" Ar Har% You'd hit me, would you p
roared the Major, amin a blow at the
proboscis Of the Colonel, but fallin' short
!" Take that! you old Rhinocerousv
snarled the Colonel maxim lick which
| was lodged and fannin' nothin' but the
| air.
After glaring awhile and breathin
hard both these boiling jew larkers
| clinched and walked around in the dusty
road, doin' each other no manner of harm,
but both of 'em BLOWN like spreadin add
ers. Thar was plenty of rocks. and bean
poles handy. but they didn't seem to need
em-fact is, it looked to man up a tree
as if these old pards didn't want to hurt
one another much. Round and round they
| cirkled hugged up like they was mighty
I ahectionate and bye and bye the Majors
foot hung under a grapevine root, when
| With a mighty wrench he jerked loose
| from his antagonist and fell spravin' fiat
| OF his back In the dust. The impetus of
the Jerk also flung Colonel Mallory. and
thar they lay. side and side, glaring at
each other, and after awhile each Teller
| gazed at his own person.
Both Badly Mussed Up
Colonel Buck had undoubtedly sorter
laid it on the Major. as that Gents nose
looked like a busted tomato, which with
| a leetle blood on his face made him look
| IKE drunk fireman at Dutch Picnic.
The garments of the Mage was also right
peartly used up, but 1t was heap of
! consolation to him to discover that Col
! onel Mallory hadn't got off so powerful
| hight, hisself. His full moon face had
enough scratches on 1t to resemble
| profile map of Birmngham's suburbs. 4
large gap in the thin hair of the pudgy
Colonel showed that the Mage had got
| him where the hair was short, which
fact was further proved by some scattered
locks of grey held triumphantly in the
perspiring grasp of Major Thaddeus
| Rose.
| There on the ground they painted and
| scowled at each other for some time, and
! then slowly and unbdden in the memory
| or Colonel Buck there came a recollection
of how the Majors face looked as it bent
over his sick bed five years before, when
the Doctors all said the Colonel was a
goin' TO die. The softenng of his antag-
onist's expression recalled to Major Rose
the autumn evening of the Long Ago,
1