The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-03-17
Dinner Stories

II Dinner Stories
An Irishman and an Englishman
once Joined their funds to buy a dog.
and the Englishman was very indig-
nant some time after to find that Pat
had sold the dog and spent all the
money.
You now" said Pat. 81 also paid
dog. I only called my half to sell,
and surely It wasn't my fault that
your half followed and couldn't be
got back by any means"
A clerical-looking gentleman, in the
nope OF obtaining a contribution, en-
tered the office Of a newspaper, and,
finding the editor in, began:
. am soliciting aid for a gentle
man of refinement and intelligence
who is in need Of a little ready
money, but is too proud to mako
known his sufferings."
Why exclaimed the editor. "I'm
the only man In town answering that
DESCRIPTION DC SC r p@ What's the eentleman's
I'm sorry to say I am not at lib
eEtS 10 disclose It,"
1t must be me. parson. Heaven
prosper o IN your good work." said
the editor wiping away a tear.
What's the matter with Jones? He
deacon" YAK
yes. You see, Jones got mad ut
him and wrote calling him a donkey.
ana n deacon in replying addressed
"There!" said the young wife
proudly. as she deposited the hot plate
carefully on the table. That's the
first pie that I ever made without any
help; all alone myself"
S it Isl" exclaimed her husband
enthusiastically. looking it over crit
icaily meanwhile. "And as long as
1t is the very first, my dear. don't
you think that instead Of cutting IL.
1t would be nice to keep it for a
1t framed?"
Mother (after relating pathetic
story)-Now, Reggie, wouldn't YOU
like to give your bunny to that poor
little boy you saw today who hasn't
any father?
Reggie tclutching rabbit)-Couldn't
We give him father instead?
Sir William Fraser records with
pride his own readiness in quoting
to 'Dizzy'' himself. together with the
pleasure "Dizzy'' took in being SO
quoted to. Sitting next to him at
Lord Shreybury's. cigars were handed
round after dinner. He shook his
head. and turning to me. said, THE
grave of love- I replied. Tobacco
is the tomb Of love-" said Egremont,
holding up a cigar He l oked very
much pleased, and said. 81 apologize;
One Of the c%uriosities Of the house
Of commons. very rarely seen, was
Erie Drax. for many years member
for a Dorsetshire borough. Once, at
a general election. on the day pre-
vious to the nomination, he put out
the following address to his consti-
tuents: ELECTORS Of Wareham! I
understand that some evil-disposed
person has been circulating a report
that I wish my tenants, and other
persons dependent upon me, to vote
according to their conscience. This
is a dastardly lie, calculated to injure
me. l have no wish Of the sort. I
wish, and I intend, that these persons
shall vote for me-"
The Office boy had been discovered
in a lie. 1t a not one Of the ordi-
nary presentations Of our every day
world. but quite a serious and DELHI
erately mendacious effort.
DC o know, my lad" asked a
clerk. in kind tones, "what becomes Of
lads who tride with the truth?"
rAv.p was tho confident roO1y Nfho
boss sends them out travelling when
they grow up"
Good afternoon, Johnny" said tho
nice young lady visiting his mothers
house in the sweet cause Of charity.
"Why don't you come to our Sunday
school? A lot OF your little friends
have Joined. and we are going to have
a lovely party at Christmas."
Johnny shook his head. Then he
suddenly exclaimed:
HAS a boy called johnson, with red
hair. Joined yet?"
Yes. dear" said the nice young
lady; land he seems to like 1t. He's
such a good little boy!"
Well. il he's there I'll come. too.
I've been looking for him for three
months. and never knew where to find
him BEFORE"
The other Sunday evening. when
church service was over, q young
minister started on his Journey home,
accompanied by two young ladies OF
the choir. when they began a con-
~versation about hymns.
What is your favorite hymn 2"
asked the curate, turning to one Of his
fair companions.
Draw Me Nearer" she replied,
not thinking of the double meaning.
At that moment her companion,
n was walking on the other side
OF the curatc. to make matters worse,
said. innocently:
THAT is only the chorus; the com.
mcncement Of the verse IL. I am
At this the curate laughed heartily,
and the ladies are always very care
ful 10 when talking about hymns.