The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-03-09

THE first one is that the government
could not afford to lose the revenue. The
second one is that plentiful unadulterated
whisky and pure cheap whisky would
cause more intemperance Let the gov
ernment make up the loss on spirits by
placing more tax on diamonds, silks,
stocks, bonds, trusts, incomes, sstock ex-
changes, and the right to bet on futures,
If it is really true that Uncle Sam needs
the whisky tax. AS to the other argu-
ment, human experience contradlctS 1t.
We don't banker after anything that is
common, universal. cheap and easily OBJ
tanned. Never heard a man killing HIM
self or making himself sick eating black
berries. The beer drinkers of America
don't seem to get crazy or die early. The
people in the California wine making dis
trict are notoriously temperate. The ex-
perience of so years ago, when whisky
was as plentiful and as cheap as butter
milk disproves it.
Politicians dare not como out and flat
footedly voice their convictions in this
matter fearing the zealots in the prohibit
ton camp. / am a temperance advocate,
both by practice and in sentiment, but L
have observed that when you fail to agree
with one of these bigoted, fanatfcal ad-
vocates of drastic prohibition measures
even on the minutest point OF detali, he
St1dlsuLWdy wants TO CTuCily you. ou
must swallow his widest theories, and
indorse his spanish-inquisition PROPOSE
tions, or else you are whisky-head, a
traitor, and member of the barroom
trust!
1.-The temperance people would hasten
the millennial dawn of temperance II
they were less Incorporate in plans ana
speech. Men can be coaxed, but 1t costs
money and sweat to drive them-they can
he SODad with ia hraadtnE frOu-
BILE when you try to dam them into doing
thing. The American citizen 1s
combination of lamb, cur Ia and mule
when you threaten him with stick. he
will bite and kick much quicker than he
will bleat.
YES Judge" cut in the justice of the
peace" and / have noticed that these
moonshiners in the hills have OF late
years got to aduterating whisky, same as
the big distillers. Around any of thelr
little stills you can find a whole lot OF
washing powder. empty boxes, plug To-
bacco and copperas. They use drugs to
make the stuff "bead'-and chemicals to
give it age" Them outcast sinners Is
certainly getting wise on how to manu-
facture an imitation corn whisky.
mot long ago I procured a supply from
one of these Illicit stills. and 1t sat on
shelf by another bottle containing murl-
attic acid, both bottles being exactly alike.
l got the bottles mixed. and quaffed
good jolt of the muriatic and finding my
mistake took mans size snifter OF the
moonshine, and 1 give you my word
could not tell which was the whisky,
neither from the effects nor the taste!
Il keep the wine for the Mounty P1sgy
church, being as am one OF the offlcers
of that congregation, and live close TO
the church, and just before first Sunday
preaching time come around, I discovered
that my niger boy, Bill had stolen and
drank up right smart chance Of that
wine, and so as to make the wine hold
out. l poured I'm some of that whisky in
it, and added a little water Well, Gents,
l wish | may die, if taking that wine at
communion didn't affect that Pisgy con-
gregation SO and pucker eln up 10 tnat
extent that they had to whistle the dox-
ology at the close Of the services. You
know muriatc viii pucker you up just
like green persimmons. Guess must
have dosed that wine from the wrong
bottle
The sheriff looked up from newspaper
he had been reading, and with an injured
air remarked: Changing the subject
little. fellows, from co n likker to society,
it doesn't seem to me that us country
folks, and. people in small towns, get a
fair deal in the superabundance of So
ciety flap-doodle printed in the city news
papers that we buy. We want news. ana