davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1913-06-06
WOMAN TO BE GAME WARDEN
Mrs. Gibboney VIII Protect Birds
and Fish in Mobile County

Mobile, Ala, June AIRS. Norma
Frederic Gibboney. one of the pretti-
est young women in the South, noted
for her sportmanship and prominent
in social circles, has been appointed
game warden for Mobile county to
protect game birds and fish near her
country home.
This is the first known instance of
woman holding such a position.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1913-06-06

fiery eczema, sores. rash, letter.
blotches, infiamed or irritated skin.
pimples, rawness after shaving, all skin
Affections, sores, blotches, and itching
scalp. 1t cures dandruff completely, since
dandruff is nothing but eczema OF the scalp.
ZEMO is wonderfully refreshing to
the skin. 1t is clean. antiseptic So
luton not a paste, cream or ointment.
The first application gives blessed re-
lief. ZEMO has been initiated, but
positively never equalled
1T is impossible for me to do JUS
tice in recommending ZEMO. because
words cannot express its wonderful
achievements" r. A. Stierlin, Supt
Electrotype Dept, Sanders Engraving
Co, St. Louis. Mo.
Your druggist will sell you a 25c
sealed bottle of ZEMO, and will guar
antee it, or ii will be sent direct ON
receipt of price by f. w. Rose Medi-
cine Co., st. Louis. Mo.
Sold and guaranteed in Benning-
ton by Harold W. Cole.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1913-06-06
A Poser.

In winter. wading in the snow.
often pause to wonder
For what becomes, I'd like to know.
or all the summer thunder.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1913-06-06
Mean Thinu.

"You know Mrs. Brown"
"Yes"
"She says she's older than she looks"
Tmpossiblew
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1913-06-06

cutting of his products, to the detrl-
ment of his bank account
Need we say that this will be a
red letter sale? Read below. On &C.
count of the ridiculous prices we are
obliged to limit the quantities on some
numbers two to a customer
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1913-06-06

81 hear Bink'S rich uncle has died"
What. again! Bink's credit must
be runnisg pretty low"
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

travagance."
For instance-the extravaganza
of whom?"
"Of those who couldn't afford
to pay their bills even IL they
weren't extravagant. / don't have
10 tell you, Corporal, that there's
many an automobile owner around
this town who would be strain
ing his credit If he had to pay
cash for a patch on an inner
tube. l used to think these fell
lows wore goggles to protect
their eyes from the wind, but
I've discovered that's not a fact.
They put them on so that when
they are out driving on Sunday,
and the Kids yell Pa, there's the
Grocery Man., the goggles will
prevent their eyes from falling
out and getting mixed MP with
the gear shift Now | like to ride
in an automobile as well as any
body, but / know l can't afford
1t, so ! don't do it,"
You're quite sure. are you. that
you can't afford 1t?
Sure? Say, Corporal. I'm so
sure that if gasoline was selling
for ten cents barrel. couldn't
afford to buy enough of it to take
the spot out of a sunbeam"
Well, lot of people seem to
be getting away with It,"
II don't believe it--or If they
are. they are not getting very far
with what they are getting away
with. The load is growing heav-
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
THE HIGHER UP

Eugene Ormonde, who plays the
role of the chore boy who after
ward becomes the reform COVER
nor of New York in Mrs. Fiske's
play, THE High Road" spent last
, summer in Europe, and while in
London was a guest at the fa-
nous Savage club, where he met
many of the prominent English
members of his own profession.
One of them came later to New
York, where Ormonde instructed
him in American ways. The Brit
on, sortly after his arrivel had
to join his company in Chicago.
Ormonde gave him instructions as
to the best railroad, the proper
train to take, etc, laying par
ticular stress upon the necessity
for haste, telling him that on ac-
count OF the heavy travel he
would be very lucky If he could
get a lower berth.
Meeting him upon his return to
the club for lunch, Ormonde
asked. How did you come out2''
"Oh. all right, old chap" re-
piled the stranger. hut you were
folly well right about that berth.
They didn't have single lowah
one left and / had to take
highah-"
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
By LARRY" Harris
eeoo ooess

your
Il have that I have two
friends in the Commission bust
ness down on Front Street. One
of them told me he made the dis
covery that by feeding his Tur-
keys hard wheat they gained
little in weight. as that wheat
weighed more per grain than the
regular stuff. / told that to my
other friend and he beat the pis-
tol by making a contract with the
Selby Smelling and Lead Com
pany for all their off sized shot.
II this sort of thing keeps. on the
Pure Food People will have to
hire mining engineer or
metallurgist before they can be
sure Turkey is good to eat"
Il suppose this will eventually
result in a universal practice of
general economy?,
You do don't-and you may
accept this as coming from a stu
dent of the subject. At the pres
ent rate of exchange General
Economy wouldn't even be high
private in the Awkward Squad of
Extravaganza. Why, see what 1t
costs. to dress nowadays. Do you
suppose any of my Kids would go
around pursued by a patch. as
you and / used to? Not much. II
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
Picked On The High Road"

Mrs Fiskes great scene in the
sheldon drama which opens at the
Columbia theater Monday:
The famous justification speech"
occurs in the following scene between
Winfield Barnes, the candidate of his
party for the presidency, and his wife.
the Mary Page of the early part of
the play. Before the campaign com
mittee certain facts have just been
laid bare with reference to an episode
IN Mary's early life, the threatened
publicity of which it Is thought will
destroy Barnes. chances OF election.
The committee has departed to seek
some way to stop the publication and
Mary" approaches win" with the
words:
Mary-Never mind. Win. we still
have each other.
Winfield Cshaking her of)-Don't
speak to me-
Mary-What?
Winfield (shivering as he rises and
moves on)-Don't speak TO me now,
Mary Gas she follows him)-Win. I
did my best couldn't help it's COM
ing out. You oughtnft to have started
that about-my teaching.
Winheld-What shall 1 do? What
/ shall I do?
Mary-But it didn't make any diff
ference. We couldn't have held out
against him. dear-he had the truth
on his side
Winfield-We're ruined-and if we'd
gone on we'd have won. We were just
on the verge-but now
Mary=Win-
Winfield-When I think of 1.-THE
Party=all those men who've worked
so hard for me-and my own hopes
the ambitions of a lifetime-and now
it's e-broken-smashed to pieces.
and why-because % years ago you
committed a crime-yes. that's what 1t
was. I'm beginning to see things
clearly now! You committed a crime
against the laws of God and man
and a thing like that can't be buried
it's bound to rise UP sooner or later
and call for punishment
Mary-Win. you don't know what
you are saying
Winfield-And the worst of it is you
can't suffer alone; no. when you go
down yourself you drag other people
behind you
Mary-Wini
Winheld-rm not blaming you. It's
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

my fault It's all my fault. If I'd
only kept my head when you told me
that day in Albany. But I didn't
l loved you-I took you in my arms
married you
Mary-Ohi oh!
WINFIELD gave up all the stand
ards I believed in and stood for
! Mary-Oh. stop. Win.
Winfeld-It's true,
! Mary dnterrupting)-St You
said you are beginning to see things
clearly. Well. so am 1. In this last
moment I've seen my whole life. It's
come TO me the way it comes to
drowning people. I saw the child up
there on the farm who used to think
Of fairy books and Mary Queen of
Scots all the time she was cooking
and scrubbing and bringing home the
cows And then I saw the girl who
was bewitched by what she thought
was beautiful-and then / saw the
woman who took her place And I
knew l couldn't have been that girl
unless I'd been that child-and | knew
| couldn't be. the woman unless I'd
been the girl And | know what's
brought me through And this is IT:
I've tried TO find the good In every
thing that's come my way. Most times
a. 6OONs anu tOOk II IN ana Kept
1t in my heart. And once il was bad
and when I realized that 1 left 1t. and
went on. And so, out of my blunders
and my weakness and my mistakes
I've mana ged to build my life I've
built it slowly-it hasn't been easy
work. No one but myself knows how
far 1t comes now from what I'd like
1t TO be; but, such as it is. it's mine.
| made it. and SO that's why in the
fc ~ Of oil - t. /,
aster, I can stand here and look into
your eyes and say I've done my best.
I'm not ashamed of what I've built
I'm proud of it,
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

Jects to spending money so long
as the Grandstand' IL full at the
time; but when 1t comes to econ
omizing or murder. narrow alley
Is always selected for the trag-
edy."
People certainly do a lot for
show. l know a man out my way
who put a plaster on his house
because he read In a magazine
that hardwood floors were aristo-
cratic. Then he spoiled the floors
by putting a carpet on them.
Later, when he found out he had
made social error, he figured the
only way he, could get even would
be to let the carpet wear out in
spots so, It would show the hard
wood floors, with the result his
living room now looks as IL it
were suffering from an attack OF
poison oak. Personally, / don't
believe any OF US should buy any
thing we can't AFFORD to pay for.
and II every .one would zwakefup
Monday morning and put that
into effect the present cost Of liv-
ing would be on its way down to
where it could breathe easfer.r
That's the stun Every time we
buy something we know we can't
pay for we're doing q little mental
shoplifting more or
nothing less. And when 1T comes
to real scientific .shoplifting.s the
mental game has II on the pl1y-
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
Billy Gould-Story Teller

BiIly' Could. famous teller Of tales. appearing
now at the orpheum includes the following laugh
promoters in his ripping monoogue:
I met OBrien the street the other day and
said to him. Why do look happy? lie said
I'm happy because I'm tearing down Protestant
church and I'm getting paid it,
I asked him how his wifes health He said
Well, for the last three months ENJOYING
very poor health but yesterday Complained" of
feeling better
There were five of us in the party the other
evening one, Clancy two. Riordan
three The Driscon twins four. and I can't
think the other one
20 'Brien lives in a tenement. Mrs
O'Brien didn't like the idea always COM
planning During the Turkish Bulgarian Mrs.
Clancy. who lived in front said to Mrs. O'Bren:
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
e. Bg&%@gnw Whistles d1tk Traffic Cop

The Traffic Cop didn't seem to
have his Will or his Whistle.
A lot of teams were just enter
ing into the Ladies Change"
when the Traffic Cop came to all
of sudden, blew three blasts
whereupon everything stood still.
Give them the one" shouted
the Corporal from his horse, and,
dismounting, came TO the aid of
his subordinate. You seem a. bit
absent minded" he remarked with
severity.
I am" replied the Traffic Cop.
Il simply can't get together"
What's the trouble?" asked the
Corporal.
L give you one guess"
"Bills?"
Bills, Do you know, Corporal.
we have so many Bills at our
house right now that we re-
christened everything between one
and five dollars Henry. from
five to ten dollars, George, and
from ten 90 twenty, Arthur. That
saves a lot of trouble Last night
when l went home my wife greet
ed me with the glad tidings that
she had received two Georges and
an Arthur in the mail. So you see
I knew cefore I had time to hang
my hat hp just about what the
amounts were"
That isn't bad idea, but be-
tween your Henrys, Georges and
Arthurs, what about the original
Bills?"
I'VE have it figured out this
way-the Bills are the regular
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
Judge Gary's Debut

Il had given Elbert III. Gary
credit for almost every other
ability under the sun, but never
suspected him of being an actor"
said one of the big Steel men who
were at the Chicago conference of
President Gary and the Steel di-
rectors last week
Believe me, Beiasco has moth
ing on the head of the Steel
trust. 1t cane out at the first
meeting of the Steel directors at
the Blackstone. All the big men
in the steel industry gathered in
the meeting room on time. but
Gary was not there. He was in
his room few floors above.
Five minutes passed, still no
Gary, and everybody was remark
ing about it. Ten minutes
passed and everybody was inter
ested, another five minutes and
everybody was getting e.>5ited-
Every man in the room was
thinking about Judge Gary, won
dering about him, talking abor.
him At the end of 20 minutes
the situation was getting almost
panicky Judge Gary was occu-
pying the minds of all these men
to the exclusion of everything
else The strain was tense when
smiling, dapper and assured. the
head of the great concern walked
into the room and to his place at
the head of the table.
Every man was ON his feet,
every man was applauding.
every eye was fixed with interest
and admiration on Gary.
1T was the most effective
stage wait | ever saw staged,
and / have backed some stage
waits that have cost me for
tunes
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

model. Look at her now. Helen. why
don't we tell our children the truth?
Why do we go on hiding behind false
modesty and personal cowardice?
Why are we afraid of looking at the
great. simple things square in the
face? Why do we turn
staggering or shame faced from
youthful questions prompted by an
unconscious awakening of the mater
nal instinct?
Here and there. of course. there
are poor girls to whom morality and
innocence mean nothing under the
stress of nature. But to SO out of 100
virtue means everything, and | say
now--I wish with all my soul I'd said
it sooner-that woman who let's her
daughter struggle blindly through the
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

punishment he doesn't grumble when
he gets it."
X
IF you read in bed at night don't
stick the candle on your chest.
don't mind how l die so long as it
isn't by fire."
After all it's hopeless to expect a
man to understand son when he
hasn't got wife to supply the key
X x
I've always been led to believe that
all the poor wretched Mary AIMS of
the world have got into trouble. not
because they wanted to be immoral.
but because If they were NOT immoral
they were unpopular"
You say that Mary Ann was a
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
NOT AN EGG

and beloved teacher had asked
them, but when class assembled
the next day only three eggs
were presented. all by girls.
Did you bring an egg?" asked
the teacher of the first boy in
the row.
The lad bristled up. and he re-
cited as would a talking machine
the words Of his stern parent
when. at the supper table the
night before. the boy had put in
his requisition:
Its an egg that is wanted.
eh?" the father had said. IAN
egg. a diamond, pearl, a bin in
the subtreasury? What does he
think a school is. safe deposit
vault? Maybe they don't pay
teachers enough. but do we poor
parents have to feed them eggs?
EGGS? Maria, when did we last
see an egg? Last Christmas. to
be sure. We had one on the tree
for poor old grandfather, and how
he did love his eggs in the days
when they circulated. Here. son.
is a Geary street railroad bond.
Take it and give it to your
teacher. but tell him we have
forgotten the shape of an egg"
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

awakening years Of her womanhood
is not fit to be a mother
- n
"A mans reach must exceed his
grasp or what's a heaven for?'
X
The devil hates healtl1iness'
From being man of individuality
he's developed into type
mother who was just old enough
to be daughter and a daughter who
was almost old enough to- be a
mother"
".'Aving lived 20 years In vicarage
makes one feel regular reckless at
times"
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06


of the time,
you'll find you
h a V e b e e n
standing o n
the Ma gic Car
pet, and what
you bought for
a steak will
be put on the
table as a sar-
atoga chip"
What do you
suppose is the
low down on
all this r.
There isn't
a n v - g v e n
that's gone up
I'm ginning
to feel pretty
strongly, how
ever. that it is
caused princi-
pally by ex-
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
ASCH WAS "GAME"
/. Asch left the

/. Asch left the
dice box to wait
upon the prosper
Gus looking citi-
zen, who stood be-
fore the case
where the higher
priced cigars re-
posed.
T h e customer
pointed to a 25
cent S t r a j & h t
brand and then
inquired:
do you take
chicken feed %
Certainly" said
the obliging Asch,
as he handed out
the cigars.
T h e customer
took two. lighted
one and then drew
from his pocket a
handful of wheat,
which he dnnncif
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

they can't have tie to match
their socks they'll threaten to go
barefooted."
Why don't you call that bluff?
Il have. The last time / tried
1t my boy Pat told me he'd go
barefooted in a minute II IL
wasn't for the fact that 1t would
confirm a neighborhood rumor
that his shoes were out of style"
Raising family isn't the
pleasure 1t used to be?''
SPENDING BEFORE A.
FULL GRANDsTAND
Il should say IL isn't Even
the cost of keeping track of the
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

d" I was 'vaccinated yesterday
the countess said during the
course of frozen punch and Rus
sian cigarettes that preceded the
game.
'Vaccinated, eh?' said the bar
. onet. and, screwing in his mon
ocle, he stared at both her fresh
sround arms intently. Then he
added:
Where were you vaccinated%
." In London said the countess
with cold little laugh
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

This hap
pened at the
Mission high
school. There
is a teacher of
c h 9 mi $ 3r y
there, a zeal
Gus man. wise
in the lore OF
electrons and
atoms a n d
other actions
of the labra-
tory. He had
planned an in
genious ex
pertinent for
one day this
week.
.'Tomorr o W
every pupil
bring an egg,
s a l d I h e
teacher at the
close Of one
class period.
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
The High Cost Of Living

were to order one OF the steaks
such as we used to have when |
was first married. I don't believe
the butcher would send it home
unless 1T could make the trip in a
Limousine. | remember when we
used to have quite a time TO get
fire that would be hot enough to
cook one of those old timers"
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

current house
hold expenses.
while the Hen
rvs. Georges
a n d Arthurs
are the extras
of different de-
nominations.
We'll, 1t does
cost something
to live now
adays.
Cost some
thingi Why,
Corporal, you
can't die in
misery today
for what you
used to be able
TO live COM
fortably on. L
tell you this
thing is get
I'll IN g t o b e
nrotfu eorfo..s
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
TOO SPECIFIC

Marie Lloyd.
the English
c o m edienne,
said to a re-
porter W h o
was interro-
eating h e r
about her GUS
tom h o u S e
troubles:
Your ques-
tions are be-
coming too di-
rect. You are
like the young
baronet.
"A young
baronet, at a
dinner party,
sat beside a
young count
ess w b o S e
arms were
p a r ticulariy
white a n d
Iao,.f{ft,I
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
This Play VIII Be Seen at the Cort
Tbeater Monday, December is

But utterly uncontrolled, head
strong, self4indulgent ~
That description fits 80 per cent of
men who are worth their salt
"A man who doesn't have to earn
his bread and butter misses the joy of
life"
X
"If a man knows that he deserves
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

worst of living the
met n
has to II years.
in forT timer
said Life
terday
said
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

Now, we live quietly out at our
house-we really don't allow
ourselves any extravagances, and
l can understand WHY some
things should be higher, but
when 1t comes to charging us two
dollars more a cord for oak wood
because they claim there is more
money in turning acorns into pigs
than into trees, / feel as IL | had
q legitimate kick coming. II we
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

dilH6S y " u
used to buy
for less is so
high that il
you attempt to
establish a ba-
sis OF compar-
ison the mere
o v e r h Q a d
c h a r g els of
that attempt
will prove that
you were liv-
ing b g v o n d
your means
even when you
had money"
still. people
spend a lot of
money,
IT h e Y do
that; and it's
q funny thing.
Corporal. no
anA nnAr -
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

sicaI, because you can play it at
home. Shoplifting by telephone
has grown to be almost National
Pastime."
The cost of things is certainly
a fright. / can't remember the
last time had an egg"
Don't say eggs to me or you'll
have to relieve me for crying on
duty. I've been wondering lately
IL they're still the same shape.
l have rich Aunt, Corporal, who
promised to do something for the
family one OF these days, but at
the present price OF eggs I would
rather own one careless home
body-sort-of-a-hen than six rich
relatives with three of them sick"
Gold Storage has done a lot to
keep the cost of living down."
Yes, and the price of Ice has
done q lot more to. keep the cost
Of Cold Storage up. I suppose
scientifically, Cold Storage is a
good thing. and I'm a great be-
lever in the theory that every one
should receive a fair return on
their investment, but as far as
eggs are concerned. 1t does seem
q little unfair to me to take the
product Of the hen out Of a nice
warm nest. put it In Cold Storage.
use the accumulation to keep the
hen from getting more money, and
then, II she quits laying to get
even. put the price up to a point
where IL the hen doesn't lay in
order TO either take advantage of
the Market, or bring the price
Ids - f~a Afff a q n fCfr
uting agency, and is shot at Sun
looks Hike proposition. as far AS
the hen Is concerned, Tails l win
Heads she loses.
vTt.s too much for me. There
must be an awful lot of money
being absorbed some place"
WHERE THE LEAKAGE
COMES IN
II heard a man say the other
day that he did pretty well with
what money he took home. but
what kept. him behind was the
Leakage and Breakage that took
place between the time he opened
his pay envelope and put his latch
key In his own front door-Cor-
poral, where are you going?''
I'm due at Union square to re-
view the parade-and listen to
the PITTER PATTER OF THE
POWELL STREET .PENGUINS.'
DO you do that regularly"
Regularly"
And still you contend that the
question OF the high cost OF 1iv-
ing Is too much for your
TT is.''
Let me have that horse. Cor
poral, and. you come down on this
Box. Powell Street Penguins-
that's the solution of the whole
thing, Corporal. Yes, sir, the
Whole Thing In Sealskin.''
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06
The Muse of the
Rlad1dh0ld]i1ng Age
By Lee w. Nelson
By Lee w. Nelson


Percivzl Ferdinand Wa1dy de Bfuy
Was good looking, swell dressing well hammered
And IN spite of the fact that he had little money,
The girls went for Percy like bees go for honey
Now, Pcrc> cxtravagant- that Is speak
He spent almost half of his bucks week
s. On the beautiful girlies from far and from wide
= Who, almost constantly, stayed by his side
Each night a-visitng Percy would
Sit In the parlor, with lights burning low,
And promise each girl that gifts he would give
When Christmas if he still Glanced to live
To numerous girls he made promises
To blonde girls and dark and girls with red hair
Till month before Christmas he'd promised
s Of girls gifts of a hundred bucks value O
Now, had been Percy what would have done then?
How would you have figured to buy all on ten
Little dollars week? Well Percy de Buy
Did not have notion cen gift to buy
Christmas each girl waited with many sigh
For the gift she was certain dear Percy would buy;
But each the received naught from young Perc
But note to the point, both explicit and terse:
Darling girl: enjoyed your company dear
Til this Christmas and filled with fear
: I'd go bankrupt if all the gifts promised I'd give,
So I've to the giress antarctic to livel"
The San Francisco call., 1913-12-06

ed on the show case
With out smile. Asch gathered up
the chicken feed and rang up so cents
on the cash register-without crack
ing smile.