The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-07-13


Did ye did ye not thundered tn LAWYERS
iver detict alcohol on tn prisidint's breath?
Niver, hiven is me judge declared tn
witnesses in ringin' tones.
Whn it come tn turn iv tn poor ditor man
he wasn't able to presint single witness to prove
that Iiddy dipsomanyac No, sir f; iv ali TIL
people that were ready to take their oath that
they'd seen Our hayro whin he was filter f'r an
ambulance thin an Office, divvle tn wan turned
up at his call to go On tn stand. SO he was
obliged to do tn manly thing iv readin docy-
mint containin' an account iv his own noble life.
with few wurruds on tn circylation iv his ex
celent pa-aper an lts value an advertisn'
neejum, an acknowledged that he had tossed off
TIL lie undher tn inprissyon that it was TIL thruth
because it was in tn heat iv tn campaign an he
didn't expct TO be sued, but he was glad he rad
been, an there nawthin' f'r him to do but
admit that his witnesses had run out on him an
he cuddent prove anything This handsome
apology was accepted, tn jury give verdict iv
six cints damages, tn colonel says, A gloryous
victhry, be George, tn iditor STINT over an bor-
:owed tn money firm tn foreman, an tn colonel,
attinded be his calvacade iv breath investigators,
returned home with tn cash junglin' in his pock-
ets-vindicated.
wondher what it's comm to1 Mex year l
expict to see banners i'll front iv headquarters
sayin', Vote f'r Higgins, His breath is ba'my,
or Sullivan an sody,' or tn like iv that. viii it
come about that whn an orator gets UP to
advycate a candydate he'll be complied to say
whether he has or has not made personal invis-
49, H. JIT-
comfy be called befure tn convintion to report
that they have made searchin' inquiry into tn
candydate's breath f'r two months, an without
goin into other "details they are prepared to say
that it has showed no signs iv alcohol II so
Hinnissy, I'm goin' out iv pollyticks an into
dentisthry
But what I can't undherstand Hinnissy is
why if this here shellac that beams down on US
firm tn shelves is so bad to take tn govermint
shud go into partnership with thin that sells it,
Here's me frind Dock Wilson an me frind Viii
lurn McAdoo an me frind Willun Jennings
Bryan settn together discussin tn report iv tn
sicrety iv tn threasury. Mack says tn prisi-
dint hope ye don't dhrink.' sincerely hope
so, too, says tn sicrety iv state. I dhrnk very
little, says tn screty v tn threasury Don't do
it at ALL says tn prsidint. It's tur-rbe habit
Dhrink is tn curse iv modllren civilyzation. 1t
fills our citizens an it fills our jails an our pini-
tinchries, Our insane asyluns an our wurruk
houses with Our citizens Stop it now. Ye say
We had on'y wan glass iv claret at dinner? 1t is
wan too nanny Reminder tn rapids ar-re
below We will now take up tn fnancyal re-
poort,' he says Well, says tn screty iv tn
threasury, to begin with I'm glad to tell ye that
tn intarnal rivnoo receipts f'r tn comm year vii
be about nlillyon dollars more thin they were
last year base these figures ON tn lncreasln
thirst iv our people How splindid,' says tn
prisdnt name how tur-rble How tur-rby
splindid. It names much to tn administration
he says This is good news indeed says VIII
lum Jennings Bryan
:" An there We ARE I can't make it out, but
there's lots " things in tn wurruld that can
make out. I suppose tn govermint is like n1esllt
No wan is more iv tirnp'rance advocate thin
am f'r I've had expeeryance. If ye think It's
pleasure fr me to stand here ladlln out thls
household ammonya an liStenln to tn harsh
sounds it causes we to mistake fr conversation we
don't know me. If had me way an didn't love
tn beautiful sthream on whose banks I've lived
these NANNY years I'd take all tn stuff III thin
bottles an poor thin into tn Chicago river l
wud So | don't understand how amy wan pays
me f'r it, 1t wud be just as reasonable tr ye TO
say, Here, take two dollars an hit me over IN
head with tn bung starter. 1t wud be more so'
f'r in that case we wudden't come back tr more
But what am l to do? spose tn governlnt all
n1esilf ar-re in tn same box. We both have 10
be supported an this is tn ony way we know
An it's a pretty good sign that tn people ARE
sowin' down on tn stuff whln our Statesman
ar-re askin' all the wurruld to step up an nave