The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-01-18
ON THE SPUR OF .
THE MOMENT.
BY Roy x. MouIton.
Caught on the Fly.
BY Roy K. MouItor

caught on the Fly
An Arkansas woman, aged one hun
dred and thirteen, took her first ride
on railroad train the other day. If
she had started on an Arkansas rail-
road fifty years ago she might be
somewhere by now.
Physicians have forbidden Harry
Lauder to play Hamlet" Occasion
ally the physicians issue an order that
is strictly worth while.
A Kansas City woman pair $50 for
a husband. People should be more
careful of their money.
Woodrow Wilson will also get a
degree from the electoral college,
Milk is now being recommended as
hair tonic. Sure Look at the bald
headed babies who have grown hair.
Anyhow, the modern woman doesn't
have to worry for fear that her pet
ticoats drags, because she doesn't
wear one.
Fashionable women of Paris have
discarded rouge, according to report.
That sounds like a barefaced lie.
Wilson's nomination cost 1908, 565,
and now it remains to be seen whether
the nomination was worth it.
Mr.. zazzwolzwolzslzy lives in Pitts
letter of the alphabet.
Liptons cup aspirations have as
much to do with the teacup as with
the yachting trophy.
The football rules are to be revised.
Upward or downward?
Irresistible Impulses.
To scrutinize the hash in Scent
restaurant.
To begin eating a piece Of pie at
the small end.
To ask your friend how many miles
he can get out Of a gallon.
To hit the beefsteak a few clips
with the potato masher whether it
needs it or not
To walk off with your friends lead
pencil.
To try some new kind of fuel for
the furnace every month.
+ To try and make a $3.50 birthday
present make a noise like $25.
WhoY
Who put the hack in Hackensack?
Who put the buck in Timbuctoo?
Who put the sand in Sandrinham?
Who put the zoo in Kalamazoo?
Who put the saw in Arkansas?
Who put the ham in Birmingham?
Who put the miss in Mississippi?
Who put the dam in Amsterdam?
Wen answer all Of these for you,
| But there's one thing we cannot
tell
Who put all that enormous price
In hard coal that the dealers sell?
According to Uncle Abner.
r. Egbert Peavey is going the pace
that kills according to reports from
down to the city. He didn't get to
bed before o'clock any night last
week. He is getting to be quite a
dramatic cricket, having attended
three movin' picture shows within a
month. The Rev. Hudnut has got a
good job planning off the bottoms OF the
church doors with a safety razor so
they will open easy and folks won't
| have so much trouble getting in.
Miss Amy Pringle lost most all Of
| her bangs last week when she was
calling on Mrs. Jed Frink and was
playing with Mrs. Frink's cat, which
| is one Of the best ratters in this vi
cinity. Grandma Perkins is shiglin'
the schoolhouse at this writing and It
IS feared she is near her Journeys
end. Mrs. Arson Frisby was going to
| join the Daughters of the American
Revolution and was searching through
her family tree when she found five
ancestors had died in states prison,
four In the asylum, and nine in the
poorhouse. She has given up joining
the Daughters of the Revolution and
will join the Larkin Soap club instead,
where you don't have to have any
pride Of ancestry or hope Of posterity.
Chef Binks kicked because he found
suspender button in the harsh at
the Hotel Hickeyville last week. He
probably wanted a whole suit of
clothes. There is not satisfying some
people. Miss Phyllis Swank and Jay
Higgins expects to surprise their
friends by clipping next Wednesday
evening. This will probably cause
some little gossip. as Jay is believed
to have three wives living and one in
Battle Greek.
James Stebbins has got a wen on
his nose and every time he wants to
loss crossways he has to turn around.
Grandma Bibbins says when Teller
gets new linen handkerchief out of
the store it is like wiping your nose
on a pane OF glass.
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