The Caucasian., 1913-05-08
AN OPEN LETTER
To S. c. FullilOve, Commissioner Of
Public Safety Shreveport, La.

Dear Sir: Your failure to secure
through the courts more convic-
tiOns in prohibition cases, | think IS
in a measure largely due to the fact
that you do not prepare your cases
correctly. For this reason | am TAX
ing the liberty of Offering you a
suggestion, in the way of a plan
which, if adopted and carried out to
the letter should very materially in
crease the percentage.
My proposition consists of an
expenditure of about 5000 more or
less, and comprising the following
items: One standard punch clock
with split, secondhand attachment;
one standard dictagraph; one stand
ard motion picture camera; one al
coholmeter to test proof of liquor;
che combination thermometer and
barometer; 1-2 dozen
Ladies' Birthday Almanacs
(revised edition. for recording date,
etc, and one fountain pen, standard
make (be sure they all bear the
Union labeD.
After securing this outfit, | would
suggest that you then get list of
all the liquor dealers in your city,
together with their names and ad-
dresses, turn these over to some re-
liable abstract company with in
structions to furnish you with alb
stract titles and certificate of mort
gage attached, which relates to said
property, thus preventing prop
erty alibi. After selecting three OF
four of your best men and with
your outfit in hand, proceed at once
to one of the joints. Before entering,
however, have your photographer
take photo of his place and sur
roundings, when done, quietly enter.
Put the punch clock On one end OF
the coutner, the dictagraph on the
other, the motion picture camera
just opposite the bar; open one of
your Ladies' Birthday Almanacs and
with your fountain pen make a rec
ord of date phases of moon and
signs of the zodiac, temperature and
barometer conditions, also velocity
and direction of men. While your
Men Are Ordering the Drinks
instruct your photographer to pro-
ceed with making the picture.
When served, pour some of the
liquor into glass; put the alcohol
meter in the whiskey, get the proof;
also name of brand, then record in
diary and pay for the drinks. In
the meanwhile the dictagraph is re-
cording the conversation going on
while the Photographer is taking
care of the animated end of the
scene. When the deal is closed,
punch the stop clock which will
register the hour, minute and Sec
ond of the said transaction.
Having finished this stunt make
1bill of indictment and mail a copy
to the attorney general, who will
pick out the flaws, if any, and re-
turn to you.
With your prisoner before the bar
stretch your canvas just opposite
the judges bench, with a moving
picture machine in front place, the
dictagraph a little to the left and
the stop-clock to the right. After
the witnesses have been sworn aid
testified, have the moving picture
machine and dictagraph work si-
multaneously together, reproducing
the actual scene and conversation
corroborating the testimony and
record taken in your diary, sup
ported by your. almanac and
Punch Stop Clock Data.
If you follow these instructions and
by keeping On the good side Of your
official nolle prosser and using a H.
tie pork barrel diplomacy combined
with the prayers of your church
and little good luck, it strikes me
that you certainly ought to be able
to at least secure not less than so
per cent in convictions. Failing in
this | would suggest that you pro-
coed at once to ring up the goat
getter"-in the meantime you might
be able to dispose of the animated
films to Pathes' Weekly to defray
the cost of your equipment and
have little pocket change left too.
Yours truly, UNCLE RUFUS.
Jaybird Thicket. Caddo Parish.