davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16

II you're Inclined to be nosey. NeIs,
my friend" said the janitcr III
wasn't naturally close-mouthed, I could
surprise you. Them Brudnicks, for
instance Great front they put up.
don't they? You'd think they had
money to throw to the birds, wouldn't
you? Well, they have, and what the
birds don't get, they burn; but they're
shy when it comes to digging up what
they owe Strunck's market, and from
what I've found out by putting two
and two together out of their waste
paper basket, it won't do Strunck
much good to sue. All he's gets his
Judgment, and you can't buy a shelf
full of canned goods with court
house full of judgments. That's what
| told him. 1t amt my business. of
course, but Strunck treats me pretty
white and ! don't want to see him
throw good money after bad. II was
as slack-jawed as you, l might make
trouble for that Oldest girl of Tup-
per's. too. Not but what the boys all
right and she's all right, but he amt
the one that old man Upper has got
picked out for her. know that from
what heard when was cleaning the
windows on the floor below.
Certainly, II man wanted to talk
there's enough happening here all the
time to talk about" said the janitor
II could run society journal with
less than l pick up every day, but
amt inquisitive and amt gabby, and
l won't have nobody working for me
what is. You understand that, DOM
you, Nels, my friend? That's all right
then.
Hold on minute, Nels." called the
janitor, as his assistant turned to go
did l understand you to say that they
was throwing dishes or just that some
dishes got smashed? Who began the
racket anyway. Was it him or her?'
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16

summer, for instance? Clinton, Iowa?
Guess again. How about Reno? You
don't believe that. Well, let me tell
you there was a letter in her hand
writing with a Reno postmark in the
mail box last Tuesday, and another
one, document size and the address
typewriter. same postmark. that I'll
bet the cigars come from her lawyer,
and when Jippers got 'em, he opened
hers right there in the vestibule, and
when he had read 1t, he swore and
crumpled 1t up and showed 1t in his
pocket, then went right past me as If
! hadn't been there, chewing on his
moustache. He didn't come home that
night either. Well, it amt no bust
ness Of mine, as told my wife, but
you can bet there's one apartment in
this building that's going to be sublet
this summer.
Il don't blame her," declared the
ianitor. Il kept pretty close tab on
that mail box of theirs when she was
over to White Lake with the kid last
year, and there was some letters to
him in dinky square envelopes with
sealing wax on them that l was kind
OF curious about, and after she got
back, and up to the time she went to
visit with her mother, in Clinton, Iowa
not she had trouble with her eyes
ali the time. They was generally red
and swelled up, but one time, one Of
EN- was black and swelled up. He's
lalapaloosa, that Jippers guy Fer
guson wanted to go over and beat his
head in when told him about 1t.
What do you think would happen
II got to tattling? Suppose l got to
buzzing over the back fence what the
Gollops kept that trained nurse for.
Old Lady Gollop's subject to heart
trouble or something. amt she? You
bet she is-something. If l had the
KIND Of trouble she's got, know what
hnd OF a nursing I'd get from my
VIE. Shed serve notice on every
saloon in the neighborhood inside of
Two hours. Yes. | got hep to that
before the nurse came. Them tonic
prescriptions the old lady got from
the druggist on the avenue about ev-
cry other day, used to tone her up a
plenty She got reckless once and
left about three fingers in the bottle
she put out, and l wouldn't have con
slaered | was taking any particular
FISK II I'd drunk it. Most generally
though, there wasn't much left in
mem bottles but the cork and the
smell. Mrs, Anglin. in II. said she
suspected it on account of the flushed
look Mrs. Gollop had all the time
she's wise dame, Mrs. Anglin is, but
ehe's kind of careless with her bot
ues' herself. Peroxide, they are
mostly But that's her look out. It's
ner own hair too, II you come to that
Dut 1t won't be long II she don't let VI
using that dope.
Sure there's plenty going en- hero
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
PlMPLES ALL OVER FACE

1413 e. Genessee Ave, Saginaw,
Mich.-"Cuticura Soap and Ointment
cured me of very bad disease of the
face without leaving a scar. Pimples
broke out all over my face, red and
large. They festered and came to
head. They itched and burned and
caused me to scratch them and make
sores. They said they were seed
warts. At night / was restless from
itching. When the barber would
shave me my face would bleed terri
bly,. Then scabs would form after
wards, then they would drop off and
the so-called seed warts would come
back again. They we're on my face
for about nine months and the trou-
BILE caused Disagreement while it
lasted.
zone day I read in the paper of the
Cuticura Soap and Ointment. | re-
ceived free sample of Cuticura Soap
and Ointment and 1t was so much
value to me that l bought a cake of
Cuticura Soap and a box of Cuticura
Ointment at the drug store. l used
both according to directions. In about
ten days my face began to heal up.
My face is now clear of the warts and
not scar is left" (Signed) Leroy
G. O'Brien, May 70, 1918.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample of each
free, with 32-p. Skin Book. Address post.
card "Cuticura, Dept. L, Boston. ADV,
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Plan to Fool st. Peter.

A group of men were discussing
their probable chances of entering the
heavenly gate. Some were extolling
their virtues and religious zeal, and
felt sure they could not be ignored.
Several were willing to take chances
when the situation presented itself,
One said he had his plan mapped
out, and, when pressed for details,
said: well, / intend to walk up the
golden stairs and take hold Of the
door and keep opening and closing it,
making as much noise as possible, till
| get st. Peter good and peeved; and
then he will say: See here, either you
come In or stay out Exchange.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
The Basement
Philosopher
BY KENNETH HARRIS
CcopyrIrbt. 1918. by W. @. chapn,u)

The blank, serious and unrespon-
Give stare with which the janitor re-
ceived his Scandinavian assistants
,ntolligence, Disconnected that usually
stolid individual quite perceptibly and
,ba cbuckle that he began died gut
tnrally in his throat. The janitor con-
tirued to stare and the grin faded
from the assistants face.
well, and what of it," demanded
,he autocrat, sternly.
"Pooty fierce is it," he mimicked
81 should say 1t was 'pooty fierce It's
nifty a person can't have a little
nriyate conversation with his own
ujfe in his own kitchen without a
thing like you interesting yourself in
his remarks. What blame business
was It of yours? What was you doing
there Tying your shoe lace, was
YOU? Yes, you was! Tying it with
ono hand and the other behind your
ear SOS you wouldn't lose nothing,
and then instead of keeping IL to your
self like a gentleman, you come blab-
hing to me. Nels, you give me pain.
SAY, suppose they was smashing
Dishes" continued the janitor, severe
". Haven't they got a right to
smash EN- If they felt like 1t? Was
them dishes yours or theirs? But what
gets me is that you can't keep your
mouth shut. It's folks like you makes
trouble and wrecks homes and blasts
regulations wherever you go shooting
off your mouths about people and
knocking 'em. How would you like it,
Yourself? What would you think OF
ME IL l done that way? Maybe you
think I've got poor eyesight and can't
see nothing for myself. Well, amt
What kind of a skate would l be
II got to telling around some of the
things that's going on here? Where
do you think Mrs. Jipper's mother
lives that she's gons to visit for the
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Easy Winner,

Senator Key Pittman was talking
in Tonopah about two lobbyists who
had quarreled
But there's no fear" he said, "of
their manning or mutilating each 9th
er. They are like Bluff and STUFF.
"Who came out ahead a man
asked, in that street row between
Bluff and, Stuff?
Stuff did, was the answer, but
he had half a streets start"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Gretna Green Ceremony.

A young couple who arrived at Der
wick the other Sunday were married
after the Scottish fashion in a delight.
fully simple way
They drove over the border into
Scotland, and. stopping at a spot
where two men were seated, the young
man said that he and the lady wished
to be married and that they could not
adopt the conventional method as II
would be stopped directly the banns
were put up.
The couple then formally took each
other for man and wife before the two
witnesses, and n document TO that eff
feet was produced and signed by the
parties and the witnesses.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
WASHINGTON, o. c., GOING DRY.

The new excise law of the District
of Columbia. which went into effect
July 1, will in 16 months from that
time have abolished one-half of the
drinking places of the capital city.
Among It's provisions are: A dry zone
OF 400 feet around every public school,
college and university, and round
every church; dry zone of 1000 feet
round the marine barracks. navy yard,
war college, and engineer barracks;
absolutely dry Sundays not more
than three saloons, other, than hotels
or clubs, on one side OF a block, nor
more than four on both sides; liquor
In residence districts sold only in
sealed packages; all saloons closed on
Inauguration day The total number
of saloons, including bars in hotels
and clubs, must be reduced to 900 by
November |, 1914.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16

At Diapers shop they employed a
small boy to run errands. The other
day while he was waiting in the shop,
lady came in and asked the assist
ant for a yard of silk.
When it was placed before her she
exclaimed:
"Oh, really, must be mad; want
mustn't"
On hearing this the boy rushed out
of the shop, and seeing a policeman
across the way, ran up to him, shout
ing:
Come over here. There's a woman
in our shop gone mad. She wants
muZzling !"-London Tit-Bits.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
GETTING A DRINK IN KANSAS.

A newspaper man who would not
believe that il was so very difficult &c
get drink in Kansas determined to
investigate for himself. He took with
him friend who, it ia stated, could
find liquor in back alleys. hay mows,
and under kitchen doors" He re-
lates their experiences in humorous
detail in the Kansas City Star; tells
how, after following the trail for ten
hours and forty minutes In the city
OF Topeka they finally ran down an
alley cocktail, and sums up the situa-
ton thus:
Then It is possible to buy liquor
in Topeka? Yes, and It is also pos
sible to rob a bank there. 1t Is q
crime to sell liquor and It is also a
crime to steal, and both crimes are
committed In Topeka and probably
will continue to be. But neither Is
committed easily or with impunity
and neither is respectable AS to the
degree of ease, ! should say that rob
bling a bank would be a much simpler
matter than buying an alley cocktail,
and would involve less risk. A bank
robber can get into Topeka without
having to register his name and oc-
cupation with the authorities. Whisky
cant. Under the Mahin law the rail-
roads are required to certify to the
county attorney every shipment OF
liquor laid down In Topeka, the name
Of the consignee and his address. 1t
makes a trail a blind man could fol
low, and the result is there is no
liquor shipped into Topeka any more.
What small quantity reaches there is
carried in by its alley agents and hid.
den in out-ofthe-way places to reap
pear in the manner l have described
In the shape of alley cocktails.
(which brings me to what I was
going to say about that delectable
drink. An alley cocktail is a half
pint of the cheapest whiskey obtain
able in the barrel houses of Kansas
City diluted with Kaw river water
and artificially colored with burnt
sugar 1t is then buried under the
chicken house and permitted to age
over night. When you meet a mar
on the train who boasts loudly thai
the lid is off in Kansas and that hC
can go to Topeka or Leavenworth OF
Wichita and buy a drink. it means
he has had an alley cocktail. WheI
he has had two he will boast that h,
beats his mother"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
POSITIVELY HARMFUL.

English and German PSYCHOLOGISTS
have demonstrated beyond question
that the continued use of alcohol in
any quantity is not only useless, but
positively harmful and on the basis
of experience | appeal to my col
leagues everywhere to ALLURE its use
The fttest use doctor can make
OF alcohol are to preserve dead It's
sues, cancers and the like, and TO de
hydrate sections OF tissue for the
microscope.
It may be classed as a drug and a
poison and has no rightful position
as a mediclne.-Dr. Howard A. Kel-
ley.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Doesn't Speak Well of Him.

why did the last man who roomed
here leave?" asked the would-be
lodger.
Il told him TO CO." answered the
landlady. And | don't want am more
roomers like him. He should be liv.
ing in a pig pen"
Rather careless, eh?"
Careless is altogether too mild a
word, sir I'm not finicky, because
can't afford to be, but / give you my
word that | never put but one thing
in his room that stayed clean"
What was that"
His towel"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
IN SAME CLASS.

The four words, Damp, Dark, Dirty.
Drink, always go together, We have
looked upon dampness, dirtiness,
darkness as preventable causes of
disease. Why not consider drink in
the same light?--Mrs. Ella A. Boole,
President New York State W. c. r. U
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Really Unkind,

"Ah, yes" murmured Miss Scheech-
er, after the first selection at the mu-
sicale. 81 have had some exciting ex'
periences. Coming over a terrible
storm arose, and had to sing to quiet
the passengers. You should have seen
the heavy seas running"
And the big, rude man in the pink
necktie gazed out of the window. Il
don't blame the sea-" he muttered.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
At a Great Rate,

Hicks (meeting friend at II p. ny
Hello, old man, what's going on out
your way?
Wicks-My wife is, l expect. told
her I'd be home at six.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Many Norweaians in U. S.

So many Norwegians have either
worked for a few years in the United
States or have relatives now working
there, or have travelled or been odu-
Gated there, that the number familiar
with American goods is sufficient to
have an appreciable effect upon the
local demand.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
In a Hot Place.

Bix-A man can't take his money
with him when he dies; and even ii
he could, what good would it do
him?
Dix-Well, he might get some com
fort out of a cool million.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Alcoholic Fiction.

That's a corking good story Serb
BILE is contributing to Flimmer's mag
azine."
Il should say it's an un-corking
good story The leading character is
dipsomani9c.'
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Passinq.

IT'S very evident that the old
school of press agents is passing
away"
What's the new SCHOOL,"
There isn't any"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Frugal.

Mother-Ethel are you saving any
thing for rainy day?
Ethel-Yes, mother. l never wear
my silk stockings around the house
Life.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Cupid's Lottery.

Whatever became of that woman
who was married on a bet?"
"She is now giving her time to a
crusade against gambling Judge.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
impossible.

do you tell your husband every
thing?"
why, l can't He won't listen to
me over two or three hours on a
stretch"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
The Use of Words.

Talking about stupid ones, that
Smith girl is dumb"
Eyes, you can tell that as soon as
you hear her talk
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Seldom Are.

did you attend that terrible play?"
81 did,"
"And was It as immoral as you had
been led 70 hOpeE
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
PROFITS OF ARsTAlNER.

Four reasons why it profits mar
to be an abstainer: First, his head is
clearer. Second. his brain is better.
Third, his heart is lighter, Fourth.
his purse is heavier
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Uncertain.

when will your husband be
home?"
How do ! know" returned Mrs.
Chuggins. "He is running his own
motor car"
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
BATTLE WAGED IN BlRDLAND
Orioles Try to Rescue Baby Bird From
MISREPRESENTATION Butts In for
Amusement.

A free-forall bird fight occurred at
the home of Mayor Shank the other
day, during which n baby oriole, the
cause of the trouble, was killed, the
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Never.

as your wife still away from
homer"
my wife $ still nowhere. Boston
Transcript.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Modern Question,
anyhow.

as honesty really the best policy?"
"Oh, | think so-in small matters,
ANYHOW "
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16

Don't neglect a cold. 1t means Consump-
ton or Pneumonia. Deans Meutholatcd
Cough Drops check colds-5c AZ Druggists.
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16

Did you ever feel the influence of
a starlight night?'
"IMmph! Al mOOnshine."
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
%,222enz on
%2zIokzM 5Zze
From 40 to so Woman's Critical Period

Such warning symptoms as sense OF suttocahon, hot
flashes headaches melanchoa dread OF impending
evil paptaon of the heart irregularty constipation and
dizziness promptly treated by intelligent women who
approaching the period of life.
This is the most critical period of womans life and she
who negects the of her health at this time invites in
durable disease and pain. Why not be guided by the
peence of others and take Lydia E Pinkhams Vegetable
Compounds 1t is ndsputable fact that this grand old
remedy has helped thousands of women to pass through
this trying period with comfort and safety Thousands Of
genuine and honest testimonials support this fact.
From Mrs. HENRY HEAVILIN, Cadz Ohio.
Fort WORTH Texas"I have taken Lydia E. Pnkhams Vcgota-
bic Compound derived great benefit from its 1t carried
safely through the Change of Life when in bad health had
very and the hot flashes very bad had tried other
remedies and doctors but did not improve until began taking lydia
took the Compound and have had return of my old complaints
/ always praise remedies weak Mrs Henry
HEAvrLrN, r. f. d. No. 8, Cadz, Ohio.
From Mrs. EDWARD b. HILBERT, Fleetwood Pa,
Fleetwood During the Change of Life hardly able
be around at all always had headache and was so dizzy and
nervous that had night The flashes OF heat bad
sometimes that did not know what to do: . , ~
"One day friend advised to take Lydia h. Pnkhams Nege
table Compound and made strong well woman very
thankful that followed my friends advice and shall recommend
live Before took the Compound was always scky
had medicine from doctor for
publish my letter"Mrs. EDWARD B. Hubert, Fleetwood Pa
From f.. dULLENDORE, Munford, Ala
Nunford Aa"I weak and while passing through
Change Life that could hardly live My husband had to nail
rubber the gates could not stand to have gate slam
backache and uness stomach noticed that
lydia E.. Finkhams Vegetable Compound adj
verted and sent and got bottle S NANJ
much good that kept on taking tand M r. SEAM
found it to be all you claim; recommend 1t to II Va SVSH
all afflicted Was-hlrs H. T. MULLEN H IN II
DoRE, Munford, Ala. W. Y
psr@esWrie to LYDIA PINKHAM MEDICINE co. M I'M
As&% NONFIDENrIAD LYNN, MAss foradvce;; &slMSYANS
will be opened, read and answered MSoS0
by and held in strict confidence lN" tF"'N"4
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16

Don't Judge by appearances. Men
who wear diamond pins often have
money
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Important TO Mothera

Examine carefully every bottle Of
CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that it
Signature of I1NZzlZw
In Use For Over 80 Years.
Children Cry for Fletcher's Castoria
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
PUTIN AM FADELESS DYES
sa= sss @9 sS.s ssss s
Didn't Quite Understand.

Color more goods brighter and faster color
You can dye any garment without ripping
Mexico Missouri message., 1913-10-16
Finance as She Is Wrote.

an any other dye One l0c package colors all fl
n. WRITE FOR FREE booklet. calendar, bic
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1913-11-19
OSSIAN.
Nov. II, 1913.

Nov. II, 1913.
Mr.. Hiram Daniels and Mrs. Alice
Fan visited friends in DEBORAH We'd
nesday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Ray Boyle came
Wednesday from Mason City for a
visit with his father, John BOYLE.
Mrs. Harry Brockamp was a Fort
Atkinson visitor Wednesday.
Miss Mary Fortcamp of Freeport
was calling on old friends Wednes-
day.
Mr.. and Mrs. Herman Hemseth
was visiting friends in Mason City
Wednesday.
Rev. Robert Upton of Castalia
was calling on Ossian friends We'd
nesday.
Bessie Boyle returned from Cler-
mont Thursday after a visit with
relatives.
Mrs. Andrew Lee and daughter Ag-
mes came home from Minneapolis
Friday after weeks visit with their
son and brother Clarence and wife.
L. A. Meyer went to Prairie du
Chem Saturday for an over Sunday
visit with his son Andrew, who is at
tending college there.
Bessie Emry was Castalia visitor
Saturday and Sunday.
Mrs. d. Weitgenant returned from
DEBORAH Saturday after a week s
visit with relatives and friends
Harry Billiard and family went to
West Union Sunday to visit with
Mrs. Billiards. mother, Mrs. Zoller
P. F. Meyer was a DEBORAH visitor
Saturday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Spaun and Mr.. and
Mrs. Waters and children of Frank
Vile visited at the George Webster
home Sunday.
Frank Helwig of DEBORAH visited
with his brother Will and wife SUM-
day.
Mr.. and Mrs. Ed Dowd and sdaugh-
ter Marian and Ruth Holien spent
Sunday with her son Charles Barrett
and wife in Frankville.
VIM. Tobiason and Frank Brother
of DEBORAH were Ossian visitors Sun
day.
Mrs. Charles Miller will entertain
George Daniels of DEBORAH was
visiting relatives here Sunday
The Crusaders will meet with Mrs.
j. A. Havirland Tuesday afternoon.
Miss Regina Meyer returned to
her home today from Plymouth Rock
where she has been teaching fall
term.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1913-11-19
CASTALIA.

Nov. II, 1913.
Mrs. George Neuenswander was
shopping in Ossian Saturday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Gardner and daugh-
ter of McGregor, also Mrs. Gardner's
sister, are here visiting at the r.
Winn and Tom Dowd homes.
Mr.. Nelson Gibbs of Council Bluffs
is here visiting his father.
Born to Mr.. and Mrs. George Kro-
berger, son on Friday, Nov. 14th,
1913.
Mrs. Hollahan and daughter Mag
gle of Ossian spent Thursday at the
O'Boy home.
E. E. Malloy left Friday for Iowa
City and returned on Monday.
Mrs. G. Bernnart entertained the
thimble bee at her home on Thurs
day.
Miss Minnie Boyle of Ossian was
business caller here Thursday.
Miss Genevieve Finnigan was a
passenger to Clermont Monday.
A number of young ladies took a
cross country hike one day last week
They spent short time in our little
Village before returning via the c.
NJ. and st. P.
Mr.. and Mrs. Thos. Kane autoed
to Prairie du Chen last Wednesday
for visit with their daughter Fran
ces.
Mr.. Mylan who is working at the
H. l.. Meyer home spent Sunday at
his home in Clermont.
Mr.. Bert Harvey autoed to Lime
Springs one day last week.
Miss Bessie Riggs is home for her
vacation. Miss Riggs has been teach
ing at Toledo.
Miss Susie Fordyce spent Satur-
day at her home in Randalia.
The Union Sunday School will hold
its annual convention at the y. B.
church of Castalia on Thursday and
| Friday of this week.
! The Misses Anna and Irene Fin
nigan were shopping in Oelwein
Saturday.
Mr.. Downing of Monona was a
guest at the s. A. Hunter home.
john McKunan was passenger to
DEBORAH on Monday.
H. c. Hjerleid of DEBORAH was a
business caller in our city today.
I Cal. Beard of DEBORAH was in town
Monday.
Fred Suclow of Clermont was q
caller here today.
Peter Meyer of Ossian was here in
specting roads Monday.
Nora Floody spent Sunday at he
home in Ossian
B. F. kneeskern sold his farm
three miles northeast of town to Fl
) Blumhagen for Sis per acre.
{. j. Tatro has on exhibition il
the Castalia Savings Bank a sampl,
OF yellow corn that went a hundred
and twenty bushels to an acre OF
twenty-five acres.