New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-08-04
AS | WAS SAYING

Jewels! jewels who's got the jewels? Take your
pistol Watson The case presents some interesting
features.
True, Scotland Yard has reached the Pier ahead
OF us Everybody has talked-the Pieresses. the po-
lice the reporters, the very press agents-and a
weird mess they have made Of it, But are we
| bafled? We are not. Just by smoking cross-legged
we have already fixed the blame. watson, deduce!
A sweet pain it is, watching poor Watson deduce.
one would proong il. Yet we cannot torture our
beloved readers with needless suspense. Brethren
the key the scandal is the so-called blue murder
car" seen lurking in the distance the night Of the
| robbery. Examine that car. Study it, Note the
stout wheels, the enormous body, the solid tires
| Well. them!
We blame the Pieresses. whose jewels were far
| too small Think of Peresses disgracng America
by sporting Jewels that could be put aboard an ord
nary motor truck! officer, arrest those women
| How we envy the Exchange Editor! Poaching on
his preserve, learn that "Sir Friedrich Treddeson
is ninety to-day yet so erect hale and hearty
that he might easily pass for five; also that MI
Stefanssons gallant ship speeding ever northward.
| has reached Rome; and finally that "a warm, ma
terna heart beats under the Vcereines petticoat'
Hourly enriched with treasures like these what
| mind the Exchange Editor must have
II we chastise Mr. l.. a. Browne il is for his own
good and hurts more than II does him Be
sides we strive TO deter others from committing his
terrible sin of omission. Right in "Lppincotts he
informs us that Fear sat the river bank, Hope
waded IN Nerve leaped across" and stops there.
Oh wicked! For it is well known that Sound Judg-
ment built n dam added nickels worth of weiss
nchtine and sold the river at SIS gallon as Coney
Island orangeade
From Kennebunkport comes the remarkable dis
patch: MIR. Gregory has been here for more than
thirty years every summer" Revoltins-isnt it,
the stories these will circulate TO attract
business!
Paragraphs. power: power. responsibility. We
quake. We dropped careless word the other day
about matrimonial advertisements little guessing
that II would embolden fiery reader to be and go
and do IL, and then come roaring around with nate
in his heart and blood in his eye.
Why so feroclous? The ladies scorned his ad-
vertsement We admit but he now has the largest
collection of sample bottles ever amassed in modern
times and not blessed one Of them but is war
ranted TO cure badness.
us this play melodrama?" asked Smith. tmidly.
Mellow" snapped the magnate inside the box
Office. Mellow It's rotten"
Which was true and a jolly fine joke-once
Tame reading II makes now though touched with a
certain quaint historical picturesqueness.
How times have changed To-day this antiquary
fragment needs complete revision-in fact, rewrit-
ing-thus:
Heard the scandal? After all these years of
happy married life Amanda has chucked Smith"
"?? ?"
NO. of course not! It's his fault entirely
you mean
He Joined the club"
Not the disgusting. fast, unspeak"--
Worse, The magazine club"
Didn't we say the box office joke had "A certain
quaint historical picturesqueness? The revised YER
sion only emphasizes It, Scan the lovely vice sec
tons Of fully half fifteen centers skim their be-
witchng immoralettes; their illustrations. Then
think back to those dear. dead days beyond recall
when mere play could set up a shocker.
Plowdenism-so named for the London magistrate
who thought it up--is the newest philosophy OF
motordom. The gospel according to Plowden for
bids a woman to sit beside the chauffeur. 1T is a
distractng companionship," says he. Some ladies
are nervous some inqusitive, some garrulous some
attractive"
In England, where women have shown themselves
so submissive. Plowdenism will doubtless enjoy a
wild and delicious popularity Here, however we
decline to PloWdenize. There's q
Nevertheless, think the finger of the judiciary
has pointed out the weak spot in moordom, and We
accept the principle If we cannot quel the ladies
we can at least cope with the chauffeurs, though
drastic regulations will be needed. We favor law
recurring chauneurs only be blind at pres
ent, but also deaf. X l.. II.