Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1913-12-15
ANNUAL DINNER OF CLUB Dc.
ptcrs srArksMEN IN LAUGH.
ABLE RoLEs.
BRYAN As DICTATOR m
MEXICO APpRopR,ArEs CASH
Vice President Marshall, Speaker
Clark, Senator laFolistts and Others
Rutts Of PNes Club Wits-Miss Dem.
oeracy and Ase Knitting - New
Members Initiated.

OSCs A.@11OW Ue
United States would be governed under
a Mexioanised administration; how the
appetite Of tho hungry offioeseeker
should be appeased. the secret OF the
perennial! domination Of T~aal:naay.
and the best way to dispose Of unde-
sirahle statesmen, T some OF the
questions which the Gridiron Club un-
dertook to answer in humorous vein
before a goodly company Of distin-
guished guests Saturday night at Its
annual December dinner.
Few OF the company escaped the
shafts Of wit. President Wilson, Vice
President Marshall, Secretary Bryan
and leaders in senate and house came
in for q share on the gridiron. but it
was evident that no one enjoyed the
griiling more than the victims them
selves.
Prospective candidates for presiden-
tial nomination surely must have been
discouraged at The troubles and uncer-
/. tainties ahead OF them, when the
American government. Is conducted on
the Mexican plan, az disclosed in the
opening skit- An extra edition Of az
evening newspaper announced: Grave
Crisis in American Affairs United
States M~exicanized. Old Order Su-
peTseded. Dictator Take: 3e!:s nf
Government" Whereupon appeared in
the dining hall an army clad in ragged
but gaudy uniforms. headed by Bry-
anna Bryana, followed closely by one
Tumulto, with the announced purpose
of giving an exempliacation OF Mexican
methods as applied TO American af-
fairs.
Bryanna Bryana: "vfvi Mexico:"
Tumulto: whats the Irish Of 1t? I
can't talk Spanish"
B. B.: We'll. you n vi chief
have beer talking Spanish for some
time. According TO approved Mexican
standards. I have grabbed he presi-
dency."
Voice from rear: That's b only
way you could Get ~"
Dictator Takes cash.
The dictator then appropriated all Of
the money IN the treasury and ordered
the execution Of q Few congressman.
When urged to ave a few for the next
holiday. he replied: we can begin
on the supreme court tomorrow"
Vice President Marshaliera appeared
and explaining that he had heard there
was a vacancy at the White House,
claimed his rights. He was, however.
PROM pity elected by the dictator with
the emark; Rights! Why. the only
right you have is to wonder about the
presidents state Of health, and I am
very well"
After increasing his own salary.
Bryanna Bryana made all his army
generals: told them he could aot pay
and sent them out to kill Champero
C1arkista. But that estute leader won
over the army with promise to pay
n marching into the hall, overthrow
Bryana and ordered his execution:
which sentence, however, he was i'm
PEELED to make worse by adding "cut
his vocal cords"
Hardly had the new dictator assumed
office and killed Senators OGormano,
Reedavera and Hichkoko. before the
army which had been outside "Reduc-
ing Senior Bryana's income at Its
source" returned headed by another
pretender-this time William Alsor-
andolph Hersta" who demanded the
presidency on the ground OF 1.-The mil
lion acres I own in Mexico, that I want
this country to protest." He ordered
the army to kill Clarkista. who bitter
ly replied. TOO late. That's what
your support did TO me at Balti-
more"
Hersta selling the reins OF power an
nounced that he wanted to ~tntervent
somewhere, and when Iu1nuito said:
There is no a at present" he re-
piled: Start one then and say I did
it. Then stop 1t and say I stopped IT.
Moosebullera appeared for the fourth
time to demand his rights" but scut-
49, 49, IY---x. SL~41~4-oS SN
print IN full reports Of his speeches.
Ia Toilette Next.
By that time the tickle minded army
had been taken by Battle Bob La Fol-
letto,' who assumed command OF the
claim that he IS the only honest ma
in public life" He thrust out. Dictator
Hersta with the declaration, II origi-
mated universal peace. Bryan stole
that from me. I am the original trust
buster. Everybody's busting them now
and they stole my stuff. wanted the
progressive nomination for president
The bull moose stole that from me"
Marshallera again bobbed up shout
ing: The constitution says" when
he was cut short by La Folletto with
my dear sir: you are bewildered. The
constitution hasn't spoken 0 a
whisper for several years" Marshallera
retired nnally upon being presented
with an enormous turnip.
Scarcely had the company recovered
from such a fearful dream OF Mexican
fzation when further disorder was Gre
ated by the Sudden appearance Of Mrs
Pakhurst, whose shrieks Of Votes for
Women" and demand for . seat OF
honor were finally subdued by the
suave presidents offer Of hospitality
when he was warned that women now
vote In ten states.
New Members Initiated.
Taking the public into its confidence
the Gridiron club openly initiated five
new members into membership. They
were E. A. Fowler Of the New York
Sum, John P. Ryan Of the San francisco
Post Fred Essary Of the Baltimore Sun,
Arthur B. Krock Of the Louisville Cour-
!es-5cufnal and Thomas ". Brahany OF
the white house offices.
TIE Initiation was to have been con-
Quoted by the federal reserve board.
combtsed Of Harry David La
mar Colonel Mulhall. Jack Johnson,
william Sulzer and Charles F. MUIR
phy, headed by General Coxey, but
tho0o gentlemen fell into q general