The Ronan pioneer. [volume] (Ronan, Mont.) 1910-1970, 1913-10-31
Mr.. Dinkman Speaks.

Mr.. Dinkman Speaks.
talk NIT my wife for half an hour,
und she says it vhas all right. After
washing and ironing all. day und mind
ing der dog und der baby she likes So
ciety in der eavenings. Dot pleases
Mr.. Dinkman, und ice cream und
shpeak leetle politics, his wife und
photograph, und l hat eight more
peoples. After we hat some beer und
ice cream und shpeak leetle politics
Mr.. Dinkman stands oop und says:
Ladies' und shentlemen, dis party
vhas gifen by Hans und his wife to be
in society und hat more shoes to cob
bic. She vhas photograph party,
und when she vhas oafer Hans vhill
surely be in der SWIM"
Dot makes me und my wife und
eaferbody else feel good, und Mr..
Dlnkman stands out some more like a
leetle mans und says:
1--WE shall now listen to dot song OF
Der Sweet BY and By ash sung by
my friend Hans few days ago. like
to haf eaferbody keep still und shed
some tears"
He stands back, und der machine
goes off, und In ten seconds my hair
stands oop. Dot voice vhas shust like
my voice, though it sings some songs
neffer heard. 1t vhas all about how
met some young womans by der
moonlight und der cider mill und how
my heart vhas breaking Ii she doan't
fly AWAY NIT me. Und when dot song
ends opp IT makes me say dot my old
womans vhas crosseyed und redhead-
ed und like her to fall down well.
Eaferbody looks at me und can't make
him ondt. und der old womans says
she will see me later about dot moon
light peesness.
Worst Vet to Como.
l feel dot ! like to be Il t'ousand
miles AWAY und hit Dinkman init
club But der baddest vhas still to
come. Der machine winds oop by say
ing dot Sing Sing vhas my home, und
dot | don't care for nobody nor not
tings so long ash can get all der
whisky l like to drink. vhas so mad
iIhS w eO oUlcI uIlu klCA H. I'LL "
pieces, but my old friend Schmit steps
oop to me und says:
Hans, you Will sit down some more
und keep leetle still. IL you vhas
some villains in disguise, und it seems
like you vhas, 1t vhas time der pooblic
knows about her. I hat known you
feefteen years, nnd belief you vhas
n Snhnr I'm r.J yvnpt.tpu INIT
seems vhns deceived. l like to 90 out
nnd get policemans und hat you
sent to shail.'
IND den Dinkman puts in and says
he hears me shpeak Il poem into dot
machine at - o'clock at night. when
should be home und in bed NIT my
wife. Dot poem vhns called "Bingen
on der Rhine" und he says l hat tears
In my eyes ash | speak him. He likes
eaferybody to listen While dot machine
goes ahead. Maybe | vhas not sooch
bad mans dot cannot be reformed.
Felt Like Painting.
Well, dot machine goes along, und
tell you vhns like fninting AWAY in
my chair. 1t vhns sooch awful Ian
gunge dot enfcrybody turns pale und
stands oop, und When calls out to stop
her Carl Schmit stands oop und wafes
his hand to me und says:
"Cobbler, demand dot you keep
quiet Now dot | see What villains
you Was, ] wonder dot you don't
cut your wlfe's throat some night!
Keep 1t oop, Mr.. Dinkman. Let us
lnr 40. uf al. Il
Und Dinkman vhns so tickled dot
he can't stand still. Dot monograph
makes me sing und swear some more,
nnd 1t makes fun at all my friends
nnd says | shall run AWAY from my
wife next week 1t sings und swears
und whoops una yells, und by und by
it calls out to all der peoples In loud
voice:
Hello, you crowd Of Dutch buffers!
How you vhas? like to see how you
you would all look in some dime mu-
scums"'
Nit dot eaferbody shumps oop to
go AWAY, und my old womans falls
down nnd wants to die right off. My
friends Dlnkman like to go AWAY NIT
der rest, but catch him by der neck
und say:
my friend, | Will now speak some
more into dot photograph. She vhas
II wonderful machine. YOu vhas a
SMOKER, und dot machine yhas shok-
er. Ha, hat"
Rebukes tho Joker.
GLOW you mean" says Dinkman.
81 meant dot ! yhas some SMOKER,
too, und | now glf you anodder song.
She vhas called How Dlnkman Goes
Outdoors nnd l show you how she
works."
Und take dot SMOKER by der neck
again und slam him around und bang
him oop till he yells for mercy und
says he vhas sorry und vhill neffer be
funny again.
He tells all der peoples dot 1t yhas
only some SMOKES, but nobody believes
him, und dot my wife vhas fainting
AWAY almost all der time. 1t vhas aw-
flll bad for me. l doant get into some
society. und doan't hat some shoes to
mend next day. und Carl Schmlt says
lose my reputation und brings up In
state prison for der rest of my days.
Puzzling Answer.
I 4