Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1913-06-09
MAN WHO PUT LID ON ROME.
How Cato Got Himself Elected TO
: High Office and Earned tho Title Of
Kili-.Inv

.
This is the story of Cato, the kill.
Joy, who held office in Rome in Tho
days before the bosses had turned the
town into an empire. As there were nc
watchful Washington correspondents
at Rome in those days, the bosses were
able to do this and get away with IL
though not while Cato was OH the Job.
Our old friend Cato you will find list
ed in the history books as Cato the
Censor. though some d!sgruntled per-
| sops around Rome said ii ought tc
= haA.e been Cato the Censorious. How
s fNe. ror pres nt-day purposes, Cato
The Is .ll-it is equally expressive.
Cat, $ papa lived up in the country
: e :i4e SanaSs-- you certainly remem-
Or who they were-and he ran a farm.
BY and by young Cato, wearying of
| the eternal round of feeding the hogs,
| packed his old gray telescope and came
| down to Rome to start a career. Now
4 cato was an honest lad who had never
worn patent leather shoes or lavender
silk socks in his life, and Rome was a
! great Jolt to him. For it was tough
| town. Even New York, with all it's
| boast, d iniquity, has never come up to
Rome in many regards. You see, the
! trouble with Rome was it had started
out 10 be very respectable indeed, and
then slipped, and when Puritan town
| goes wrong it is likely TO so very
wrong indeed.
| Sounds of ribald merriment frequent
~ disturbed the virtuons slumbers of
Cato, over in his modest room in the
~. NJ. C. A, and one night, when a ca
| baret show had kept him awake until
| 43e he sat right up i'll bed, elenehed
his fists and beat on the pillow and
| vowed that one of these days he'd get
| himself elected Police Commissioner or
something, and then he'd saddle Rome
| with lid it wouldn't forget in a hurry.
! The which, as you shall see. he did.
Though an honest lad. Cato had chos
en- the law for his profession and he
| dabbled in politics, as young attorney
/ will, and finally, after the local Shan
| dergasts had made themselves espec-
| tally obnoxious, cato was elected Con-
| sui A Consul in those days WAS a sort
Of Mayor of Rome-only there were a.
ways two of them.
| But it was eight years later that Ca
| to made his first spectacular line buck
| against Roman luxury. A person who
| bore the rather fessy name of NJ. Flu
vius Nobilior had just come back from
cleaning up the country of Aetoiia,
wherever that is. and reducing the in
| habitants to a properly humble frame
of mind Plans were made for a tri-
umph in his honor. Triumphs. You
know, were sort of like Priests of Pal
| las parades, only more so, and the cap
tiyes were dragged at the chariot
wheels and there were free-for-all
games, and generally the town supplied
wine for anybody that wanted it-and
| everybody did, of course-Oh, altogeth-
er they were very joyous occasions.
| Cato-and now you begin to see
where he earned that lSill-joy title we
| bestowed upon him in the opening par
agra rh-Cato said such performances
were all foolishness and a waste of the
| towns money that might better be
spent for arc lights and improving the
parks and boulevard ss stem and paw
ing the streets Also he went after Gen
eral Nobilior roaghshod. said he WAS a
| blooming silk stocking and snob, that
he wouldn't put it past him to have
| his picture taken in dress suit and
plug hat and that among other ini1ui-
ties Nobilior had kept poets in his
camp. This seemed to have ranked in
Cato's honest breast worst of all: the
idea of carting a bunch of poets along
on a campaign However. there are
things to be said for Nobilior. Since
poets seem inevitable, is it not better
10 have them along with. an army,
where they at least run chance OF
being killed, than to leave them at
home to bring down editorial heads IN
sorrow to the gravee
nov or
They went ahead and held the tri-
umph anyhow, Cato TO the contrary
notwithstanding, and 1t was rumored
that General Fluvius Nobiiior placed
his thumb to his nose and waved his
extended fingers in derisive glee when
he passed Cato's house-wherc by
the way, the blinds were all pulled
down and Cato was sitting in
straight backed chair on the back
porch reading Pilgrims Progress.
Very likely he was asking himself as
he heard the gay uproar from the
street just whittier we were drifting,
anyhow.
But Catos real triumph was TO
come. In 1874 b. G. he was elected
Censor, job which in those DAYS
held a lot of duties besides yiewins
| the movies. Cato. with one other
Censor, had charge of the City Dircc-
tory, decided who was citizen ana
who wasn't, was dictator OF public
morals and had some sayso about
how the sesterces in the CITY treasury
should be spent. He was sort OF
Director of the Census. head OF the
Board OF Public welfare and Chair
man of the Appropriations Committee
| all in one, with few odd duties
thrown in for good measure. And
he had the chance of a lifetime TO
| clamp the lid on Rome. chance that
old c. X. ]. was not slow to improve
| you may. be sure.
| He issued orders about what sor.
| Of simple clothes everybody should
wear, placed the taboo on hoopi,
/ skirts and three-foot hatpins and did
a lot more unpleasant things. ms
ideas Of what was decorous ana "ha'
wasn't were rigid. to say the least
one man named Manilius was de-
graded from his pretorian rank =
| citizenship because he kissed Mrs
] Manilius in the presence OF theiI