davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
HIS LOT Is NOT A HAPPY ONE

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The premier of England was holding
reception
No precaution had been omitted. Yet
there was {. tense suggestion in the
very atsnosI here.
Before the line advances" said the
first flunbey- waiting. 'it is awbso-
lutely imperative that the loidies yon
der should show their 'ands as PROOF
positive that they are not 'olding any
think dangerous behind their backs"
Whereupon seven militants contemp-
tuously remarked that 1t wasn't fair
and then walked away dragging thelr
dog whips after them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
ONE ExpLANATIoN.

"a man is entitled to be tried by a jury
of his peers"
"But when pretty woman is tried by
a jury composed of men. gallantry forces
us to concede that they are not her
peers.'
you are right. I guess the sense of
inferiority they feel is why the jury in
variably declares her not guilty"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
BRIGHT NEWSPAPER MEN

From the Talladega Home.
The three Birmingham daily papers
had representatives in Talladega Friday
to report the celebration. Hugh W. Roo-
erts of The Age-Herald, Walter Harper
of the News and f. r. Norman II
the Ledger We're the young men on the
job and they are three of Alabama s
brightest and best The stories they gave
their papers of the event were well told.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
ADR1FT WITH The TIMES
HUNTING SEASONS OPEN.


Now doth the fool a-hunting go
On uplands where the breezes blow,
And when he starts to climb a fence
He shows his lack of common sense
And seizes by the muzzle end
His gun to drag it through-no friend
Is near to give a warning shout.
The gun goes off-"bangi' leaps a spout
OF flame, the fatal charge is sped
And on the sward the fool lies dead.
ON THE WINGS OF THE WIND.
Here's letter from Uncle Henry, who
lives out in Kansas
What does he say?"
why, he writes that he expects to blow
into town before long"
'I wouldn't be surprised Some of those
Kansas cyclones carry far"
THE CHIEF OBSTACLE.
'Dobbs made a hard fight for this
OFFICE
Why, ne had no competition"
81 know it. but 1t took him six months
to get his wife's permission to run
PREPARING FOR HIS FINISH.
Il understand that young Bobbles has
been going a fast pace about town"
Yes. I'm afraid his father doesn't in
tend to put up with him much longer"
HAS the old gentleman threatened to
cast him OFF,"
No, but he recently gave the, boy
sO-horsepower automobile
POVERTY AND WORTH.
This mournful truth is everywhere con-
fessed,
Slow rises worth by poverty depressed.
Samuel Johnson.
The worth depressed by poverty, this fall
Stands mighty little chance to rise at all.
Chicago Record Herald.
Though worthy poverty promotion lacks,
1t will not have to pay an income tax.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
us A PITY.

A pretty woman climbs aboard
A crowded trolley car
And slowly pressing down the aisle,
She hasn't stumbled far
Before some man, his hat in hand,
Has offered her a seat,
For which she may or may not thank
Him with manner sweet.
homely dame hangs to a strap
And sways from side to side;
Her plight by any man aboard
Is plainly not espied.
What though her bundles strew the floor
And she's in sorry case,
Fair chvalry Is routed by
The freclzles on her face.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

"eloped' with $4,000 belonging to United
States sailors and may thus prevent their
visiting the pope at Rome, has name
strongly suggestive of spaghetti and
Chianti.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

Let the postmaster lick your Christ
mas stamps. Democratic stamp buyers
will most gladly place that burden on the
hapless postmaster who happens to be a
republican.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

Kentucky politician charged that his
opponents record was so uneven that in
comparison it made a rams horn look
like a spirit level. There Is no use WON
dering what the other fellow said. He
was most probably fioored.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

A contemporary points out that the
vailing one in international diplomacy.
True. but this is the first time Woodrow
Wilson has been President.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

We haven't received an invitation to
the White House wedding and don't ex-
pect a piece of cake, but our tranquil
soul remains in statu quo.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

The postmasters have been ordered to
lick stamps on Christmas packages when
requested; but they will feel like licking
any person who asks them to do SO.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

A New York masher who wlnked at a
workhouse. We can't imagine anything
more irksome to the average masher
than work
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
LEST We FORGET

From the New 4NK Telegram
There is popular idea that Mormon
ism. il it has not been stamped out in the
United States, is at least frowned upon
and unpopular.
But it seems not. 1t is even Haunted,
and in other places than the far west.
Joseph Fielding Smith of the Mormon
church. and most important figure in vast
Mormon commercial enterprises. successor
to Brigham Young, finished his labols in
Chicago Sunday by dedicating the second
of two churches Of his creed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

When a blizzard starts to bowling over
the Great Lakes. man, for all his sky
scrapers and big boats, seems puny
creature,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

Three Georgians have been killed as
the result of a dispute over hog. Ala
bamas low cost of human life seemingly
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

The White House wedding cake will
weigh 1876 pounds, which may be as much
as the bride weighs herself.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

Some men are cheerful on the first of
the month, but they are those rare birds
who never charge anything.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

Next Saturday will be Football Day"
in Birmingham. but then we have an
unusually fine ambulance service.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

Mr.. Zapata has reappeared in the
Mexican dispatches. Many had begun
to believe that he was lost.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

Brminghams new elephant consumes
breakfast food in large quantities. She
has a great appetite for hay.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
BETTING FAvORs UNDERWOOD
From the Charlotte Observer

rVlII tfe OHdrIOtte ODsefVeT.
Alabama may accept the wonderful OPP
portunity to heap discredit upon herself
but it does not look that way Opinion
as reflected In the betting favors Under
wood by long Odds
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
Impressed with the city. prosre.,

During the past 12 years 1 have
been an occasional visitor to Birming-
ham, and every time come 1 am struck
with the city's strides" said John Lo-
throp of Philadelphia.
birmingham impressed me as a pro-
gressive city on the occasion of my
first visit. 1t has now been three
years since my last trip to this part of
the south and in these three years
Birmingham has made prodigious ad :
vance. The business district, with its
many towering buildings. looks metro
politan and the general character of
the city seems metropolitan
1T is evident that Birmingham $
growth since the last census has been
very rapid. My guess would be that
its population was now close up to
100000 At this rate Birmingham will
certainly get into the census of 1920
with 100000. All the southern cities
are growing and prospering. but Bir-
mingham Is easily in the lead.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

There's nothing sIckly about the fre,
dispensary campaign.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

Final argument in rate case heard.
Let us hope so.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
A Neighhor,. Tribute

''What impresses me most about Mr..
Underwood is his unfailing courtesy and
willingness to serve his friends and con
stituents. even in the smallest matters y
said long time neighbor.
Some time ago I wrote him about a
small postoff:ce at a mine in which
was interested, and he took hold of 1t
with his secretary and got If for us in the
shortest possible time.
81 hesitated to write him about so small
an affair at a time when he was en-
crossed with large affairs in Washing
ton. but he. was our congressman and
decided to do SO with the results just
mentioned
Mr.. Underwood possesses the faculty
of taking infinite pains. Having poise
and large experience in statesmanshir
he will make @ great senator"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
The south,s ThrIftv Condition


business in my line Is exceptionally
brisk this fall" said Hugh M. Brown
of Birmingham. shoe manufacturers
agent.
MY territory embraces Kentucky,
Tennessee and Alabama. l have never
known business In the states referred
to better than 1t is now. Kentucky is
prosperous, Tennessee is prosperous.
and Alabama Is prosperous. In this state
the high price of cotton is making busi-
ness hum The farmers have been get
ting ahead for several years past and
this will probably be a high record
breaking year in. agricultural pros
perity.
Il find that Underwood sentiment Is
wonderfully strong throughout Ala
bama. In the large towns everybody
1 meet Is for Underwood for the Sem
ate. Hobson has some strength in the
small towns, but 1t is safe to say that
Underwood viii be elected by an Inn
mense majority"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
FINE TEST.

''"Twobble is a fascinating fellow.
Indeed, he Isl It's all can do to keep
from lending him money"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

Mr.. Henderson says he is confident; Mr.
Kolb believes he will carry a majority of
the counties of the state; Mr.. Conner is
sure he is going to win In walk; Mr..
Seed declares things couldn't look
governorship already is as good as his
What wonderful thing is optimism!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
MISSING.

What has become of the old-fashionedN
man who used to say he could whip his
weight in Wildcats? PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13
The Knight. of Pythlas Gathering

mot only are the members of the or
der of knights of Pythias In the Bir-
mingham district looking forward with
keen interest to Pages Night which will
be great event in Birmingham the lat
ter part of this month, but Pythians all
over the state are keyed up for it," said
local Knight.
LAS has been published. the first de-
gree or rank, that of page. will be con-
ferred Friday night, November %. The
second degree or rank, that of esquire,
will be conferred Saturday afternoon
and the third rank that of knight, will
be conferred Saturday. night. Novem-
ber go.
Dayton, o., will attend these meetings
and confer the degrees. The Dayton Wis.,
itors will number los. The sessions Will
be held in the Jefferson theate, and II
is estimated that the cost of putting on
the work will be something like $5O0O
There will be 500 candidates, which will be
a great record-break.ng number of men
initiated at one time in the south.
1.-The order of knights of Pythias was
formed at Washington, D. c., In 1864. by
j. H. Rathbone and few associates,
most of them government department
clerks. Mr.. Rathbone was school
teacher by profession. and was man OF
decided literary taste. He wrote the first
work of which one of the recent en-
cyclopaed as has this to say: The ritual
was presumed toehang upon the story OF
Damon and Pythias. just as the lessons
as tau sht in the Bible narrative of David
and Jonathan were identified with the
ritual of the Independent Order of Odd
Fellows
"a never had the pleasure of meeting
Mr.. Rathbone, but 1 was we'll acquaitei
with many of the Pythian leaders In c. n
cinnati in the 70's. The order spread
rapidly. 1t has membership now of up
wards of 70O,OO9.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

POVERTY AND WORTH.
This mournful truth is everywhere con.
fessed,
Slow rises worth by poverty depressed.
Samuel Johnson
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-13

Though worthy poverty promotion lacks.
1t will not have to pay an income tax.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
Flreman's Unique Wedding.

A fireman's wedding in burnt-out
church is certainly something OF nov
city. Such wedding has just taken
place In the chancel of st. Georges,
Leicester, the greater part OF the
building having been destroyed by fire
last year 1t was the first fireman's
wedding in Leicester. and the bride
groom's colleague. formed a guard OF
honor and arranged an arch OF axes,
etc. under which the bride and bride
groom passed out after the ceremony
Fireman Sturges. the bridegroom. was
among those who fought the flames at
St. Georges last October.-London Tit
Bite
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
GAVE OF SURPLUS WEALTH
Rich Men In Other Days Lavish In
Their Donations to Their Fa-
vorite Cities.

Many man who has inherited mil
lions" once said Frederic Harrison,
lis gnawed with envy as he watches
a practical man turning an honest
penny. How he would like to earn an
honest penny. He never did; he new
err will; and he feels like a dyspeptic
invalid watching a hearty beggar en-
joying a bone or crust. Many a
rich man is capable Of better things,
but he does not know how to begin!
The ancient law suggests restoration
Of the liturges. the public services Of
the model Greek republics. AT Ath-
ems the liturgies were legal and con-
stitutional offices imposed periodically
and according to regular order by
each local community on citizens rat
ed as having capital OF more than a
gwen a1I0urt It always re-
NAMED public office. a duty to be
filled by taste, skill. personal effort
and public spirit. Rich men contend
ed for the Office. The chief ambition
OIL TlCQ man CAME 10 Do tudL VI uIdh-
ing splendid gifts to his fellow citi-
zens, and theaters, stadiums, colon
naGes, aqueducts. gardens. libraries.
museums, pictures, statues-all were
showered upon favorite cities by
wealthy men who possessed or covet.
ed the name of citizen" A few null
timillionaires in our American repub-
lie have made public benefactions.
May their tribe increase! The gift
of a public hospital or a school build
ing is always in order.-The Christian
Herald
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
Ruins of Immense Ace.

Prof. Hiram Bingham. director o.
the Yale expedition to Peru. reports
among the archaeological discoveries
a number of Inca or pre-lnca cities. In.
Guiding Macchu Pichu. city probably
built by the 'megalithic race" which
preceded the Incas. The ruins are on
thousand feet above the Urubamba
river. They are OF great beauty and
magnificence. and include palaces.
baths, temples and about $50 houses
Carefully cut blocks OF white granite
some OF them twelve feet long, were
used in the construction OF the walls
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21

head with impatient annoyance. the
mechanician swiftly stopped forward.
The motor slackened oddly. Before
the astounded driver had time to grasp
the situation, the power died from
under his hands and the car was only
carried forward by its own momen-
tum. Automatically he damned down
the brakes and turned in his seat to
confront his companion in wrathful
amazement choking speech. Floyd
faced him, even his lips white beneath
his mask, but with steadfast eyes. .
Il know" he forestalled the tenn
pest. you've got the right to put
me off the carl threw your switch
I've got nothing to say. But the mist
lifted and l saw what lay ahead
What lay ahead? The klaxon was
shrieking madly, from all around the
track came the sound Of halting cars
The rising wind pushed along the fog
walls again, and they opened to reveal
the second machine of the late acct
dent. not twenty-five feet ahead, .
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
tilted. motionless heap. After the

tilted, motionless heap. After the
collision it had staggered this far. to
90 down with a broken rear axle and
two lost rear wheels. Its men were
still in their seats unhurt.
There was an instant of silence. The
avoided disaster was no excuse for the
mechanician' interference. nor did
Floyd offer it as such, well aware
that his driver was perfectly justified
in any course he chose TO take. There
can be but one pilot at any wheel.
Since | suppose you are not equal
to Cranking ninety Mercury, you
had better fix the spark and gas while
start it." dryly suggested Stanton
"And-never do that again"
He stepped out and went to the
front of his car. Selling the crank
and starting the big motor with an ex
ertion Of superb strength which would
indeed have been impossible to the
slender Floyd When he retook his
seat, the mechanician made his equal
ly laconic apology and acknowledg
ment of error.
~ never will" Floyd gave his word
The wind shook the mist more
strongly, streamers Of pink and gold
trembled across the sky. The day had
commenced.
tTO BE Continued
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
His Future Assured.

"How on earth did you gain all
your popularity" inquired the new
senator.
why. you see. 1t was this way.
replied the older statesman. when
men asked me for my candid opinion
about themselves l gave them my
candid opinion, and when they asked
me for my candid opinion about their
friends. gave them my picked opin-
ion. Popularity followed as a mat
ter of course"
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
Tack Hammer for Surgeons.

Scientific hammering of the spinal
column technically known as spondy-
lotherapy, Is one of the latest treat
ments to be adopted by members OF
the Philadelphia medical profession.
1t consists Of tapping certain por-
tons of the spine for patients suffer-
ing with heart, lung, stomach, and
liver trouble.
The "tack-hammer treatment was
discovered by DR.. Albert Abrams,
nerve specialist Of San Francisco
Philadelphia Dispatch to the New
York American
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
Tramp Defrauded Lawyers.

Four AmmanfOrd (Carmarthenshire'
solicitors were alleged to have been
duped by George Sullivan. otherwise
Murphy Finnegan, laborer on
tramp. who was recently committed
by the magistrates for trial on
charges Of obtaining money by false
pretenses. Representing that he had
been knocked down by a motor car
he asked, it was stated, each OF the
solicitors 10 ace foi. -hi,.. IL a COM
pensation claim, and they all gave
him money when he told them he was
penniless.-LondOn Mail.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
Gift Declined.

The wayfarer asked for old clothes.
u have none," said the head of the
house.
Not even an old pair Of shoes?"
NO: but here is an old automobile
you may have"
Thanks. boss. but l have enough
trouble supplying my own wants. with
out begging gasoline from door to
door, Courier Journal.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
MIR. Wrinkles Houe to Go.

Two buildings in Birmingham asso-
ciated with Dickens have been de-
molished, and a third, Mr.. Wrinkles
house, is being pulled down.
When Mr. PickWick asked the walt
er at the Old Royal where Mr.. Wrinkle
lived he replied: Close by, sir; not
above 500 yards, sir. Mr. Wrinkle Is 4
wharfinger, sir, at the canal. sir" And
Mr. Pickwick found in "a quiet, sub
stantial looking street stood an old
red brick house with three steps be-
fore 1t, bearing, in fat Roman capitals.
the words, MIR. Wrinkle. Pail Mall
Gazette
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
No Room for Speeding.

Mr.. Atkins was driving over his
property with his daughter and
young man whom he was beginning
to look upon as a possible and very
desirable son-in-law.
The chauffeur, not unnaturally, was
inclined to show off the motor car.
but Mr.. Atkins himself had higher
thoughts. AS John, the chauffeur.
quickened his speed, he leaned over
near him. and said, in whisper;
Not so fast, John, not so fast.
You make my estate look too small
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
eaninn lowers Secret.

The Leaning Tower OF Pisa is in no
danger OF falling For over eight hun
dred years it has been inclined to one
side, but it IS said to be as safe to-
day as when il was built This is be
cause the workmen found 1t settling
to one side while they We're erecting
it. so the tower was made accord.
ingly.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21

tigue and strain of watching. Stanton
looked for the inevitable pitcher Of
water, but found himself confronted
instead with grinnng, admrinsly
awed messenger boy who held out a
cluster Of heavy purple flowers.
What" marveled the Disguised
driver. What idiotic trick"
For Mr.. Stanton. sir deterential-
lv insisted the boy; who would have
addressed the president as DO" and
gibed at the car
Stanton caught the blossoms rough
ly, anticipating a practical joke from
some fun-loving fellow-competitor. and
saw a white card dangling by a bit
of ribbon.
Thank you" he read in careless
penciling. Il have no laurel wreaths
here, so send the victor of the hour
my corsage bouquet"
She had had the imprudence, or the
cool disregard Of comment, to use one
Of her own cards. Valerie Anterior
Carlisle. the name was engraved
across the heavy pasteboard.
She had thought that wild duel with
the Duplex was an exhibition given
for her, that at her wanton whim he had
jeopardized four lives. one his own.
With a strong exclamation Of con-
tempt Stanton moved to fling the flow
ers aside to the path before the Mer-
cury's wheels. then checked himself,
remembering appearances. The or
chids curled Imply around his warm
fingers; suddenly the magnificent ar
rogance of this girl struck him with
angry humor, and he laughed shortly.
Throw them in the tent, Blake he
requested. tossing the bouquet to one
CT the men. They'll wither fast
enough"
The new tire was on. AS Stanton
turned to his machine, after tearing
the card to unreliable fragments, he
saw Floyd watching him with curious
intentness.
A raw, wet mist had commenced to
roll in from the nearby ocean. The
promise of dawn was recalled, dull
obscurity closed over the motordrome,
leaving even the search-lighted path
dim. The cars rushed on steadily.
The night had been singularly free
from accidents. Only one machine
had been actually wrecked, although
three had been withdrawn from the
contest The oftic'a'sin the judges
stand were congratulating one al
other, at the moment when the second
disaster occurred.
The mist had grown thicker, In the
lights a dazzling silver curtain before
mems eyes, and the track had been
worn to deep grooves at the turns
The Mercury was sweeping past the
grand-stand, when one of the two
slower cars, being overtaken, slipped
it's drivers control, caught in a foot
deep rut, and swerved crashing into
the machine next it.. Twice over 1t
rolled. splintering sickeningly. but
fiinging both of its men clear of the
wreck The car struck, plunged on
parently unhurt.
Out across the damp dusk pierced
the shrek Of the klaxon, mingled with
the cry of the people and the tinkle of
the hospital telephone. Stanton.
swinging wide to avoid the pitiful
wreckage, kept on his course.
Stop" Floyd shouted imperatively
beside him. Stop, Stanton, stop"
Stanton sped on, disregarding what
he supposed was a novice's nervous
sympathy. He could not aid the
stunned men lying on the track, and
one glance had told him that they
could be safely passed; as indeed they
had been.
Stop" the command rang again;
and as Stanton merely shook his
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
Just So.

The bridegroom is pleasant man
he has that certain something
"i'C rather have man with some
thing certain. Satire
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1913-06-21
SYNOPSIS,

At the beginning Of great automobile
race the mechanician of the Mercury.
5tanton's machine. drops dead. Strange
youth. Jesse Floyd. volunteers. and Is ac-
.cepted. In the rest during the twenty
four hour race Stanton meets a stranger.
Miss Carlisle. who Introduces herself.