The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1913-07-05

Bill-YOu say you got caught IN a
shower?
JILL certainly did.
Didn't you have any umbreIlaF'
Sure. II was the fellow who owned
the umbrella that caught me"-Yon-
kers Statesman.
II money could talk you would hear the
world boiler,
The tales coin could tell would mako
most OF US gium,
And we'd stop TO think where we spent
every dollar.
1t saves lots of trouble to have money
dumb.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
How did he raise the wind?S
well, he had fine air to start with,
30 he Just clustered a bit and blew
about his prospects.
Out OF the night that covers me.
Black as the pit from pole TO pole,
1 thank whatever gods there be
at least did well at the fourteenth hole
Chicago Inter Ocean
Il don't know what 1t is" gushed the
animal lover, ''but there is something
about cats that sort Of takes hold Of
me-"
"oh," said his matter Of fact friend,
'Pn bet it's fieas."-Fun-
It used to make a man enthuse
II he could keep the babe in shoes,
But modern mankind but aspires
To keep a motorcar in tires
Louisville Courier-JournaL
Enthusiast-Oh. don't you love a good
playI
Modern Girl-Yes. indeed. 1t adds
so much to the scenic effect and COS
tumes.-Iife.
The old basket picnic
Is with US again
The day IL Is planned for
/ hope it will rain
Detroit Free Press
Dearest, / told your father I meant
to prove my love for you not by words.
but by deeds.''
what did he say, George?"
HE asked me II they were title
deeds "-Baltimore American.
The newest freak OF fashion.
The latest fad in dress.
Nay rouse some angry passion
Or cause mere man distress;
II may arouse his laughter
Or move his tongue TO scorn.
But women follow after
The fad-and it is worn
Cincinnati Post
Mrs. Angus-She has a terrible time
training Henry In the polite language
Of our set
Mrs Datus-Yes; she was year get
ting him to say "haberdasher" instead
Of gents furnisher." - New York
Globe.
Inc lCGman RFlnS q nenQlSn HLLluo
As warm days grow still hotter,
And still the busy ice cream man
Don't cool US like he 'oughter."
Spokane Spokesman-Review.
"I am going to make that boy stop
whistlingT' said the nervous man.
Don't. If you knew the words Of
that song you'd be thankful to let him
whistle IL instead Of singing it,
Washington Star.
A hen after laying viii vainly
Stand and cackle absurdly. insanely.
Though you wonder, no doubt,
What she's talking about.
She's egging you on very plainly
Los Angeles Express
II saw a cubist painting Of man on
horseback yesterday"
How did you know it was a man on
horseback"
why, anybody could see that"
''Then It was not a cubist painting"
Houston Post
Adam had an easy time
Back In the garden there
When he was late In getting In
There was no chance for him TO skin
His shin against a chair.
Chicago Record-Herald
Proprietor - What would you sug-
gest as a sign for a first class second
hand shop?
Sign Painter - How would up 70
Date Antiques" do7-Exchange.
Thinkin' on the life way
You're stin the upper crust;
But. though you bear your daily load
Or race like lightning on the road,
You don't raise all the dust
Atlanta Constitution
$50 Miss Brown Is married Wen,
I'm not surprised. She always despis-
ed her own name for fits commences
and declared she would change 1t at
fha drst opportuuity. By the way,