davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

John Mccormack. the Irish tenor.
told the following story on himaelf at
q dinner Vt the Irish society In New
York recently:
..aly Wits and ! had been entertained
q dinner By Archbishop lrstasd Of IT.
Paul. saiA Mr.. AcCormack. AFTER
the dinner my wife and both sang
hos the preiate. and when Mrs. McCor-
mack had finished the archbishop
turned to n,e and said. You should he
very proud Of such a talented wife
Indeed. am,' ] replied with en-
thusiasm.
''.'rhix Ia the drst time be ever made
srch confession said my wife. look
Ing At the archbishop with twinkle
In her eye.
-.Ee couldn't make a confession in
. better place. remarked one Of the
guests. indicating the archbIshop.
:. True. smiled the prelnte. 'but l
cannot forgive him. because he isn't
sorry for it,"
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
BLUM MEANT WELL.
He Was Only Living Up 70 ths RuIss
Of His Club.

He Was Only Living Up 70 ths Ruiss
Of His Club.
Under the second empire bores were
30 rampant that sort Of society OF
club was formed to fight them under
the name Of the "Rachat des Captifs."
Il WAS a mutual aid society. every
member OF which WIS bound to come
to the rescue Of any other In the clutch
en- of q huttonholing bore. The signal
Of distress was given by unobtrusively
scratching the side OF ones nose, and
colleague on seeing this was expected
to intervene and deliver his friend from
captivity.
The society was 10 useful and 30 pop
ular-even humanitarian. 1t may be said
that 1t fOurished exceedingly for
many years and grew rich In members
and subscriptions Among its mem
bers was the veteran journalist Ernest
Blum. who. however. was rather clum-
~ Mt his work. He used to relate the
following story:
zone day In passing the Gymnase l
saw two men talking. knew one Of
them and took OF my hat to him.
whereupon he at once scratched his
nose.
IT. of course. thought, he was mem
Der Of the club In distress whom l
ought to deliver. SO approached and.
not knowing what to say. cried out:
My dear X. am delighted to meet
you. have an important piece of
news to tell you. Allow meT turning
to the other man. Certainly replied
this gentleman. took my comrnde
aside. saying: You know I have moth
ing at all to tell you. only wanted to
rescue you. That is ALL Rescue me
from what?' Why. from the bore.
What bore?' The man you were talk
ing to. naturally But he is my ia
ther'"
Poor Blum had CHANGED upon some
body who was not member Of the So
ciety md who had merely scratched
his nose absentIy or because he wanted
to. which may happen to any man.
Paris AnnA,ex,
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

James Crossley. a noted English bib
liomaniac. hied him one memorable
day to a bookstall in shudehill market
and. spying little volume. took 1t up
and glanced carelessly through It.
After awhile he asked its price from
an old woman and was told 1t was
two and sixpence. an give you six
pence for It" said Crossley. Nay
replied the poor old dame; .1t cost me
2 shillings." Whereupon our book de-
vourer threw 1t down in disgust and
retired. A gentleman. overhearing the
alteration, stepped forward and pur-
chased 1t at the sum demanded. Cross
ley returned soon after and. noticing
the book had gone. anxiously inquired
what had become Of II. "sold." an
swered the woman. "for what you re-
fused to give" "Tell me who bought
1t. and III give him 10 shillings for
itT' said CrossIey eagerly. Ths moral
ID self evident.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
oxsrrsaehsa himsslf.

The wives Of two British army Of
hcers who had been stationed for a
long time in India met recently in Lon
don and went to restaurant to take
luncheon together. As their talk was
Of personal and somewhat private
nature, they fell to conversing in Hin
dustanee. This aroused the curiosity
Of the waiter attending them to burst
ing point He presently came forward
and said gravely: Excuse me, ma
dame. but think 1t only right to In
form you that understand French"
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
Tn. Difficulties Of English.


When young Rudolf von Hummer
pestie. the beloved scion Of the famous
house Of Won HammerI'estle Of rosen.
firxt came to America he found much
difficulty In mastering the rudimentx
Of the English tongue. His most try
Ing experience was when be went to
Boston and was told that II was re-
quired of him that he should inscriiss
his name on the register Of whatever
hotel he visited. After being shown
to bis room he looked hopeiessly about
him In search Of the article. but in
vain. There was nothing Of the kind
In sight. no. desirous Of falling In with
all the customs Of the country. he rang
up the ONCE and Informed the room
clerk Of the situation
II han looked de room over all. al
ready yet said he. 'undt ! lind no
Register here. vot shall ] dor
This house 10 hented By steam" re-
piled the room clerk. "Use the fadia-
tor"
.Undt vot shall ! uae-def ink. or
shall scratch my name on II init der
pockgetknife? ?" demanded Rudolf.
.what are you talkinRs about7'' de-
mnnded the room clerk. rScratch your
name on what?"
.Der radiator" returned Rudolf
"Iss 1t dot | must write my name IN
der radiator instead Of der register. Or
maybe better yet write 1t on der vail
-vot?"-Harper's Weekly.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
RsseiJhutian.

A young woman went into city re-
taurant for her lunch, but after .
glance at the fablecloths and snin OF
the close air she decided to eat eiss-
where and started TO go out. The pro-
prietor thought that she was leaving
without paying for a meal and stopped
her. 10 order to avoid hurting his FEST
ings the girl said:
II Hnd that have forgotten my pock-
etbook. 30 can't eat here now" Shs
was hurrying away. but the proprietor
was kind hearted.
My dear GIRL" he said. you sit
right down aud eat: No young woman
ID going out Of my place hungry be-
cause she hasn't her money with her.
You eat now. and tomorrow you can
come In and pay me-"
. The young woman sat miserabiy
down and tried to eat. and ~ she left.
hiding her pocketb0ok. shs unused:
That's what get for nbbing. And to
think that must come here again to-
morrow too"-woman's Home Com.
panion.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
Solitude

Solitude.
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Weep and you weep alone.
For sad old earth must borrow its mirth.
II has troubles enough Of Its own
Sing and tho hills will answer:
Sigh and it's lost on the air.
The echoes rebound to Joyful sound.
But shirk from votcing care.
Rejoice and men will seek you:
Grieve and they turn and 20.
They want full measure Of all your pleas
ure.
But they DO not want your woe.
Be glad and your friends arc many:
Be sad and you loss them all.
There " none to decline your nectared
wine.
But alone you must drink the gall.
Feast and your halls are crowded:
Fast and the world goes by.
Succeed snd give and II helps you to live.
But no man can help you TO die.
There 10 room in the halls Of pleasure
For large and lorily train.
But one BY one We must all file on
Through the narrow aisles Of pain.
ELLA Wheeler Wilcox.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
A Hard Business.

An advertising man Of Cleveland
was going home one night In street
car 1t was late. and the man who sat
next to him began to talk
Whit business are you mr. he
asked.
''The advertising business"
"Is that so7 used to be IN the ad-
vertising business myself. Quit 1t.
though. and went into the rag and old
bottle business: got horse and clean
up my sixty every month"
There seemed to be nothing for the
advertising man to say. 80 he said IT.
YES" continued the laxative man.
IT was In the advertising business-
was sandwich man for clothing
store for six months. Say." and he
leaned over conHdentially. ''ain't it
hard work when the wind blowsT'-
Saturday Evening Post
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
eh,,t s.A Lsne Tv.ilIa',t,

A. twilight II caused by the refrac-
ton Of the atmosphere. without which
We should be instantly In darkness at
sunset. all parts Of the earth have
twilight, though Of varying duration.
When the sun has sunk eighteen de-
srees below the horizon no more light
can be refracted anywhere, but the
path Of the sun at the equat'r L. 70
nearly vertical that Its disappearance
b prOportionally rapid.
The shortest twilight at the equator
II one hour and twelve minutes ut the
squinoxes In March and September;
the longest II one hour and nineteen
minutes at the solstices in June and
December.
In London from May e to July 81
It u twilight all through the night No
wonder. with disparity 20 great. peo-
pie speak Of night In the tropics as
coming on almost suddenly. Farther
north still, In the Shetlands and Nor
way, We speak Of the midnight sun.
where men never lose sight Of the orb
Of day and twilight Is unknown.-Lon-
don Spectator.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
- The
Scrap Book
obiisins the Doctor.

ohliaina the Doctor.
Dr.. Stewart was called to the tele-
phous the other night In Bellevue hos
pitsi. New YORK. to hear . cheerful
voice announce:
ION che way down to shee you. doc!
Got One caxs tremens."
Dr.. Stewart recognized the voice as
that Of rather well to do young man
who had made several previous trips to
Bellevue and expressed over the tele-
phone bis strong regrets that he should
again b. bothered BY the anticipant
visitor.
..Thash q RI. doc" said the voice
through the phone. "l'm goin co-hic-
COL o-operate wiz you zhish time.
doc. Coin make recovery in quickest
time known" Aud be hung up the re-
ceiver. In half 40 hour or thereabouts
cab ratified IN through the receiving
gate and IN annoyed driver helped out
the teIephoning person. BY this time
be was speechlsss The driver dragged
him inside.
I'VE shtopped at q wild animal
shtore," said the driver sourly. That's
WHY we're late. The stew here bought
lot Of horned toads and gartersnnkes
and things"
-But what for?" asked Dr.. Stewart
"He said be was thryin' to help yea"
said the driver. "Hs said he wouldn't
be able to shpeak by the time he got to
the hospital. but he'd bring along sam
nlea NJ his symptomsv'-Cincin
Timesrstar.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
F.ta, Reminder,


do you think. my darling" be CUR
gled as he buried his manly mustache
In his chnrmer's silk soft neck. THAT
riage?"
well. popkins," she repiied-"of
course papn will be sorry to lose me-
still
"Rut." interrupted the ardent one. ~
will remind him that instead Of losing
a daughter he will gain son"
A deadly pallor o'erspread her dam
ask cheek
''Clarence." she cried. III you really
want me implore you to say nothing
20 foolish. Papa has three such Sons
living With him now. aud he's extraOr-
dinarily touchy on the subject"-Tt-
Bits,
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

They Didn't Need the Water.
I'm the days Of the old volunteer Ore
department there was more quenching
Of thirst than quenching Of condagEa-
lions" said Firs CHIEF Kenlon OF New
York.
THE volunteer fremen. I'm afraid.
were Q sad lot VI roisterers. Thssv's q
story they tell about q Ore back in 1850.
at was DIRE at an outlying farm.
and when the 6remen arrived with en-
CINE and hose the buildings wers pretty
well destroyed
'Tbe farmer met them at the gate.
he said bitterly:
mo use yer comm in. boys Thers
hain't drop o water within two miles
Of u.s..
"But the f,remen. mindful Of ths
usual merry making that accompanied
every DIRE. pushed right ON With thsir
apparatus.
"Uh. that's all right they satd
heartily. We don't mind drinking II
straight ~ Boston Herald.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
rhs Judge slIsnesd.

In the famous trial Of the dean of st.
Asaph. Mr.. Ersklne. the great Engllsl,
lawyer, put question to the jury rel.
alive to the meaning OF their verdict.
Mr.. Justice Butler objected to It's pro,
priety. The counsel reiterated his qnes-
tion and demanded an answer. The
Judge again interposed his authority IN
these emphatic words:
''Sit down. Mr.. Erskine. Know your
duty or shall be obliged to make you
know It."
Mr.. Erskine, with equal warmth. re-
Piled: II know my duty as well rs your
lordship knows your, duty. stand
here as the advocate Of a fellow clti-
zen. and will not sit down."
The judge was silent. and the advo-
cate persisted in his questions.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

Il HAD HIN on THE FLAT OF Hls sAcx."
long afterward the minister's house
was entered by burglar. He gave a
graphic account Of the affair to bis
friend. the doctor. and ended by say
ing:
II had him on the dat Of bis back.
I held him NO that he could not move
an inch
Good" exclaimed the other. but.
my dear sir. what a splendid oppor-
tnnity that was to have delivered to
him your lecture on Palestine"
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
Fitted Fer IN. Part,

When new member Of the Irish
house Of commons made bis 6rst
speech. Sir William Osborne asked
who lie was. and being told he replied:
"Well. I think he will do. If the oppo-
sition have enlisted him. they are per
fectly In the right. for he seems to
have the finest face for grievance of
any man ever beheld."-National
Monthly.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

1t was in one Of those thriving south
western cities where railroads abound
shat tired and weary traveller accoAt-
ed policeman and asked the way to
the Y. NJ. q. A. The copper was pux-
zled He took OF his hat and scratched
his head. Finally he burst out: ..stran-
ger. you've got me. know where the
Frisco IL and the NJ, K. and T.. but
that Y. NJ. z. A. is new one on me-.
EverybUly's.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
Hard Luck.

Maud BeAtrix has Lust twenty pounds
lately her new gowns are perfect soc
cssnea. her sweetheart proposed to hse
last night. her rich uncle disd ysstsr-
day and left her million. and now
she has to 10 to bis funeral today and
try to loOk sad -Harpsrs Basar.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
His Flight Into Jsurn.Ii,n,.

Anthony !. Drexel Biddle. the mil
iionaire sportsman of Philadelphia.
who 10 equally at home in the drawing
room and In the prize ring. told the
members Of the Chicago Athletic asso-
clarion the other evening Of his early
experience In journalism
AS u youth my great ambition was
to be reporter" he said. 80 ! went
to my uncle. George W. Chllds Drexel.
who WIS editing the Public Ledger.
he gave me a place on the local stan.
and the city editor assigned me 10 u
district In which the city mOrgue wis
located. On the first day Of my assign
ment the tndy Of man WINS found In
the Della ware river and brought to the
mor2ue. Scenting possible murder
mystery and seeing also an oppOrtu-
nifty to gain journalistic fame In a single
day. I hastene to the ONCE and wrote
a thrilling story. which was largely
imagination. In concluding give q
gruphic description of the supposed vic.
tim. saying that the man was attired
In a black mustache and clothes OF the
same material
MY wonderful story 1lled about ten
lines Of the next days paper. and ] re-
reIved a summons to my uncle's oft1ce
Tony he said. 4 can get you place
O, this paper, but l cannot keep It for
you
my journalistic ambitions ended
then and there"
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
Just Rsbuks.

what il 1t nowT"
II wanna mother pleca cakev'
"No. Tommy. you've had enough
Jaw. ma! Yer always tellin' me
don't eat properly. an men you don't
never gimme no chance to practicer'-
Cleveland Leader.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

A well known doctor and a certain
minister are great friends. but they
dearly love joke at each others ex
pense
The latter once delivered series Of
lectures. and one of them-on Pales-
tine-was not interesting enough to
plense the audience. which gradually
Withdrew before It's conclusion. Not
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
Psrplsxine.

psrplsxin9.
When Doris climbed on her fathers
knee 1t was plain that deep problem
was troubling her.
Papa. was 1t q wise person who
said. The good die youngr"
Yes" be replied; - suppose be
must have been very wise
"Weii." the child replied after think
ing II over for q time. "l'm not 20
much surprised about you. but don't
nee how mamma managed to get grow.
ed p."-Knoxville Journal.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
pmt Do IL

Never suffer your courage to expend
itself 10 dereeness. your resolution In
obstinacy. your wisdom in cunning NOR
your patience IN sullenness and Despair.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

"Yon never ace q lot OF women star
ing at man." said the striking blond
lady.
"ym don't. eh?" replied Mr. Growch-
er you ought to notice what hap
pens to a man who keepa his seat In
crowded street car."-washingtop
Star.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

An expert cabinetmaker can taks q
new piece Of furniture and make Il
look ~ n II waa 2DO years old-and %
can the average small boy.-Chcaso
Nsws.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
MAD. NOTION A. n 70 rssvmr m

MADE NOTION A II 10 PngvMnt m
remark to bis squsrry. Tbe latter ~
piled. using the term ''YOur majesty"
rather more emphaticaIly than usual
The lady suddenly realized who tbsy
were and. banging on the door. tried to
attract the drivers attention. apparsDt-
y with the idea Of making = hurried
exit.
"Oh. what have dons?~ she waiIsA
Heavens. what have dons7 Stop.
stop: Let me out!"
Calm yourself, madam. I sntrsat
you" King George said reAssurinGiy.
-Even king u not an epidemic dr.
sassy'
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

Every man h ocrasionaliy wsat -
ought ~ BE- psrpetuaIly.-De. JoAnepo.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
Lost No Time.

Lest No Time.
Two brothers went bunting. Henry
had q wooden leg and had to be per-
suaded tO accompany his brother. who
had 4 reputation Of being deet footed.
They went up In the mountains. where
their pack Of bounds scared up big
bear. william emptied his gun at the
bear. but II kept on coming. William
dropped his gun and struck out for
bone. leaving bis poor wooden legged
brother to look out for himself. Wit
Nam. when he got to the house. dove
through the window. sash and all. land.
INK In his fathers arms. William be-
eau to cry. telling how Henry had been
left behind and how way back there In
the woods the bear WINS picking his
boneS clean. stop thnf moanin' and
weepin'.- sAid the father. He done
rome beatin' It home with the dogs i,
half an hour aso."-kansas City star.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

sDo you xive your wife al The mon.
~ she wantsT
'-rhers isn't that much-"-wasAins
t0n Htar.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22
/ CURIOUS COURT
II 10 Held Annually When France
Pays Tribute to Spain.
PRICE OF An ANCIENT PEACE.


PRICE OF AN ANCIENT PEACE.
Astsr More Than Five Centuries Thrss
cslves Ar otitl Hvmbey prses0tsd
gsoh Year - tks havehAy ossssWa.
ante u the vlsAsr.s~s oesnisrds.
Every year tnsfe takss place 10 tns
Fyrsnean nign'snos rsmafxao'e iess.
" U ne'd st tns boundary stone 90 bsn
Aarun. wncn sspetases tDe Ftsncn
valley Barston IRON " Spanish valley
Of Roncai. Every year the rsprsssnta-
dves OF the Frsncn peasants assemble
the"s In order 70 pay tie 1paniaros
tribute. which CONSISTS OF tnfss caves
OF the same age and he same color.
ana the delivery OF the calves u &C.
compdnied ~ CEREMONIES Wn1ch sum-
ctsntiy indicate that the Old inhabat.
ants OF the RoncaI valley wers once
vtctorious over their usignoorA.
At O'Clock In ehe morning the may.
on OF the various villages In the Bare
ton valley. bravsly adorned with thsir
blue. white and red scarfs OF once.
march up to the boundary stone. In
front Of the column walks Z lad. With Q
pike. from the point Of which Cutters
little white pennon - gage Of peace.
The three calves are dragged In the
rear Of the procession at the end OF
long ropes. Calves and scarfs take up
their position By the stone and await
the arrival Of the Spaniards.
They are soon Visible In the distance.
In. front walks Q man clad In sheep
skins. who waves q red psnnon at the
nim Walks me alcaIos OF lsaba. the
principe! v . IN ne valley q Ron
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

"Phwat's thot noise, Mrs. Reillyf''
"sure an Nornh's phracticin' the
scales!'
"Begorry. she must weigh q TONI
Nusica: Events.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1913-02-22

zone of the duelists nrsd into the
atr."-i'eie MeieL
The Madisonian. (Richmond, Ky.) 1913-1914, 1913-05-06
Button Party.

Come and 'buttin" at our button
party ON Saturday night at eight"
thus the invitation ran that Polly"
rushed in to show me.
She said they we're going to have a
button hunt just like the peanut hunts
are carried out, and the hostess told
her she was making bags of ribbon to
put the buttons in and that each per-
son could keep the bag for souvenir.
The hostess gave her this little con-
test, for me; she is going to ask the
questions and write down herself who
answers the most questions. The
prizes are to be a set of hand-painted
shirtwaist buttons, a box of collar but
tons.
BUTTON, BUTTON, WHO'S GOT
THE BUTTON?
How should blind mans buttons
be made? With eyes.
What is it that goes around a-but-
tin? A goat.
What kind of buttons should a He
brew wear? Jew-eled
Of what should a Washers" but
tons be made? Rubber.
What kind of buttons would g con-
vict like to wear? Cut steel.
What kind of buttons are appropri-
ate for sexton? Bone.
What kind of buttons are the same
as a girls name? Pearl.
Of what should an agents buttons
be made? Brass.
Of what should a hunters buttons
be made? Gun metal.
l must add two games with buttons
that children enjoy, and 1 am rather
certain that they would be good for
grownups, too. The first is called
Kings Buttons" it is played upon a
long drawn out dining room table COW
cred with blanket. First you have
to make the Kings Button Brigade by
taking three brass buttons, three black
ones and three white ones, with eyes
or shanks in the back, twist wire hair
pins into the eyes to make legs, and
stick in corks for feet. Stand the
| brass 'men" nearest the end of the
table, then the blackies, then the
whites. Each player has ten chances
to hit the men with large marble
rolled from the other end of the table
The white men knocked down counts
| five, the black ten and the brass IF
teen. Count is kept on cards, and al
assistant stays at the lower end of the
table to set up the men and return the
marble. This is really good fun, TT!
it. The next pastime has no name
but is played this way:
Seat row of players on each side
of the long table, with each rows lead
er in the middle. A button as large
as fifty-cent piece is given one lead
The Madisonian. (Richmond, Ky.) 1913-1914, 1913-05-06

timid reflection of the incarnate sun
shine OF his.
Il am sorry Jes is not at home" she
said, holding out her hand with nat
urai grace of hospitality that rose
above her nervous shyness. II am
Jessica Floyd. Mr.. Stanton, his sis
ter"
She was afraid of him. The too OBJ
yious fact struck deep into Stanton.
as he felt her fingers fiutter in his
clasp. So this was the reputation he
had earned for himself?
Perhaps should not have come"
he apologized quite humbly. Il
Floyd gave me no warrant for it. But
he was very good to me, when was
sick In Lowell; and wanted to thank
him"
/ She looked at him fully, then, and
again he. could have cried out at the
wonder of so meeting Floyd's straight
candor of regard.
Il why should you not come? Jes
has not so many friends that they are
not welcome in his home Only. if he
had known of your coming. he would
have been here"
She moved to chair, inviting him
by gesture to do likewise, and TOOK
ND q halfembroidered silk scarf.