davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
NOT YET THE SlNLESS WORLD
Spanish Penoiogy Expert illustrates
Point With an Appropriate
watermelon" Story.

Senior Fernando Cadalso, SPANS in
spector general of prisons, said re-
Gently in New York that he thought
the time had not yet come for the
abolition of capital punishment.
The world is not yet civilized
enough for this advance" he contin-
ued. The world, you know, is still
a good deal in the state of the col
ored people in the watermelon story.
Il heard this story from one OF
your clever southern editors. He said
that man was a good deal troubled
by thieves in his watermelon patch
and so he called up his old gardener
and began:
Uncle Eli. I'm trying an expert
ment with Doc Sawyer in the south
watermelon patch. The melons there
are a poison variety. and If any OF
your colored friends touch them
they'll be killed. sure. You'd better
warn them. hadn't you?
'Sartenly ] had. sah,' said Uncle
Eli III warn 'em. sab. Trust me-
And do you think your warning II
have any effect? Do you think II Will
protect the south patch from theft?
What ] thinks. sab said Uncle
Eli. scratching his head, is dat
therell be a lot O. dade niggers round
dat patch. OATS what thinks, sab
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
PAPER Cannon.

To the amazingly long list Of ar
ticies made of paper there may be
added paper cannon, which have been
manufactured at the Krupp works, in
Germany These paper field pieces
are for special use Of the infantry.
Their caiiber is little less than two
inches, and the pieces are SO light
that a soldier can easily carry one.
But the resistance is greater than that
of a field piece of steel OF the same
caliber. 1t is not to be understood
that these paper guns are in any way
to replace those made OF steel. The
paper arms are intended merely for
uses in situations where the move
ment of field artillery would be i'm
practicable. Paper artillery on the field
of battle seems an extraordinary
thing, but it is hardly more so than
paper wheels for freight cars on rail-
ways appeared when they were first
introduced, or, for that matter, than
paper water pals were.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Alexander Stephens as a Lawyer.

In his own profession of the law
Alexander H. Stephens fine inteilec-
tual sincerity stands out fully, and
well proves that success requires
neither dishonesty nor shutting.
What business do you follow. Alex
said his uncle to him in the early
days. II am lawyer" After an
ominous silence the uncle spoke again.
Alex. don't you have to tell lies?"
Alex did not have to tell lies. Hear
what he says, reviewing his career
in old age: mo advocate should ever
assert as matter of fact in his client's
case what he knows is not such; any
code of morals justifying him in this
does not deserve the name" And
again, more personally: My rule
from the time | was admitted to the
bar was: First, to investigate a case
submitted to me- to inquire into the
facts and the law applicable to it;
then, if | did not believe the party
entitled to success before the court,
told him so and declined to appear OF
prosecute the case. '-Gamaliel Brad
ford, Jr.. in the Atlantic.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
BOUND TO HAVE EXCITEMENT
Without Proper Materials for Gam
bling, Germany" Schaefer Propos-
ed to Utilize Household Articles.

Germany Schaefer, the Senators
clown-coach. just can't resist gam
bling. He once attended party Civ
en- by friend. and as everything
was convivial. Germany suggested
that a little gambling be done.
Have you any cards in the house,
he asked the lady of the house.
NO. Mr.. Schaefer, we don't have
card playing here"
We'll, have you got some dice?
Schaefer insisted.
Il tell YOU" said the lady, a little
testify. I'VE don't allow gambling Of
any sort"
well, have you got any wash-tubs
in the CELLAR" inquired the persistent
Schaefer.
Certainly we have. There are
half a dozen tubs down there
We'll, for the love Of mud" bel
lowed Herman, get me three tubs
and a watermelon. and III work tbs
three-shell game. New York Amer
lean.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
TRUE SPIRIT OF THE HOME
Serenity and Wisdom Of Wife and
Mother Dew and Sunshine to
Growing Souls.

Wherever the great and beautiful
being. the wife and mother has had
her paramount existence in that home
though her interests and activities
have not necessarily been limited to
it's sphere, declares Ellen Key in the
Atlantic. But husband and children
have been able to count on her in the
home as they could count on the fire
on the hearth, the cool shade under
the tree, the water in the well, the
bread in the sacrament. Thus upon
experience which a great poet gained
from his mother. All became to her
a wreath" A wreath where every
days toll and holidays joy, hours of
labor and moments Of rest, were leaf
and blossom and ribbon. The wise
educator is never one who is "educat-
ing" from morning to night. She is
one who. unconsciously to the chill
dren. brings to them the chief susie.
nance and creates the supreme con-
dftf0Hs tof tHeH SioNtH' i'i"' a.
she is the one who, through the Sc
renity and wisdom of her own ma
ture, is dew and sunshine to growing
souls. She is one who understands
how to demand in just measure, and
to give at the right moment. She Is
one whose desire is law, whose smile
is regard. whose disapproval is pun.
ishment. whose cGress is benediction.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

w. N. IT,, HOUSTON, NO. st-tsts.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
HOW TO TREAT PIMPLES AND
BLACKHEADS

For pimples and blackheads the fol-
lowing is a most effective and eco
treatment: Gently smear the
affected parts with Cuticura Oint-
ment, on the end of the finger, but
do not rub. Wash off the Cuticura
Ointment in five minutes with Cuti-
cura Soap and hot water and continue
bathing for some minutes. This treat
ment is best on rising and retiring.
At other times use Cuticura Soap
freely for the toilet and bath, to as
sist in preventing Inflammation. irri-
tation and clogging of the pores, the
common cause of pimples, blackheads,
redness and roughness, yellow, oily,
notify and other unwholesome condi-
tons of the skin.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample OF each
free, with 32-p. Skin Book Address post
card "Cuticura, Dept. L. Boston."-Adv
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
RathenoW.

Rathenow where King George
broke his journey to Berlin in order
to inspect the squadron of Ziethen
Hussars commanded by the royal
bridegroom. Prince Ernest of Cumber-
lands a sleepy little market town in
the mark of Brandenburg, about forty
miles from the capital and only few
from Schonhausen. the ancestral seat
and birthplace of Bismarck. 1t was at
Rathenow where Otto Won Bismarck,
a bearded young Junker, presented
himself for election to Prussian's first
approach to a parliament. The cleo
tors showed their prescience by ston-
ing the man who was destined to Gre
ate the new German empire.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
ALL RIGHT
and Bowels Regular

Don't take Calomel, Salts, Oils or
harsh cathartics when you can go TO
any real drug store in town and get
a box of sure, safe. blissful HOT
SPRINGS LIVER BUTTONS for only
rs cents. They never fail.
One tonight means satisfaction in
the morning They are the product
of the greatest medical minds at the
worlds great Sanitarium and are now
offered TO you as perfect remedy for
constipation, torpid liver, sick head
ache, coated tongue and dizziness.
Free Sample from Hot Springs
Chemical Co., Hot Springs, Ark.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Juvenile Tact.

Small Thomas heard his mother tell
ing his older brother that 1t was
tactful thing to appear to think peo-
pie younger than they were.
His sisters French teacher arriv-
ing shortly after, it fell to Thomas
to entertain her until his sister ap-
peared.
Thomas decided to do 1t up
brown.
How old are you, Miss Grey?" he
asked politely.
I'm dreadfully old. Thomas" she
answered. I'm twenty-three!
oh" said Thomas, gulping a lit
tie with the unusual effort. II new
er thinked you was more'n s-seven-
-Lippincott's.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Wanted Burden Lifted.

Leonard is only four years old, but
he frequently uses expressions amaz-
ingly mature. The other day, for in
stance, he appealed to a devoted
young aunt to remove from his
sphere Of existence the new little
baby sister of whom he had become
Jealous. The tiny lad was at some
pains to explain that while he didn't
want baby himself, she was so sweet
and dear that plenty of other people
would.
But why don't you want to keep
her. Leonardo" asked auntie. divided
between surprise and amusement.
"Oh, she's such bother, an NAM
ma has to fuss with her so much, an
she makes me just suffer" the young
ster gravely explained.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Three Cheers for EN-.

81 like this pattern well enough.
said the customer who had dropped
in to look at some ribbons, but I'm
afraid the colors will run"
Run, ma'am!" Indignantly an.
swered the salesman. Red, white
and blue? They never rum"
Whereupon the woman with the
tiny American flag pinned to the
lapel of her jacket rose periodically
to the occasion and bought Al
Yards
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
For "Mr FRAGILE"

A man with an express package I'M
der his arm, stepped up to the box
office window of New York theater
and. addressing Frank LOOMS, asked:
Anybody here named Fragile?"
No" replied Loomis.
We'll. that's the name on this
package"
Loomis took a look The box was
addressed to the manager of the Lon
don pictures. Over the address was
inscribed:
Fra gile,"
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Women Won Honors at Cambridge.

Women have distinguished them
selves this year at Cambridge, Eng
land. In the medieval and modern
languages tripos first class honors
were gained by ii, s of whom were
women and of whom were men.
In Class I IS passed. Of whom "a were
women and IL were men. In Class iii.
l3 men and women passed. Five
of the women who gained first
class honors were from Girton. 2
from NEWMAN. In Part II Of class
les, 8 Newman women gained first
class honors. In history, Part l.,
q Girton woman, Miss N. G. Smith.
shared highest honors with men. And
a Girton woman. Miss T. Day. took q
second class in Part II. Of the theo-
logical tripos. This tripos has been
taken by only one other woman be-
sides Miss Day. That was back In
1882.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Taking Orders.

Miss Hogabust (of Chicago)-And
what profession is your son in, Lord
Hightop?
Lord Hightop - Oh, when Algy
leaves college i expect he will take
orders.
Miss Hogabust (surprisedD - You
don't say. Well, poppa has got some
real nice gentlemen travelling for him.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
What He Meant.

How are all the rough necks and
crooks?" asked the legislative scribe
as he shook hands with the police re-
porter on his return from the general
assembly.
Just what / was going to ask
you"
"Oh. I meant the ones that get
caught" returned the weary journal
ist
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

The story OF
this II a m e ! e s S
woman and the
miracle of her
healing is found
in each of the
synoptic gospels,
and it is especial
ly prominent in
that of st. Mark;
in fact, it is one
of the striking
cartoons W h i C h
his evangelist
uses in describing
I b e ork IF
Christ. OF all the
characters in the
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Must Admit One Good Point.

Some cynical and contemptuous talk
can be heard here and there about
President Wilson's professions and
purposes. But the 'schoolmaster"
continues to get along with his party.
which is something some presidents
have been unable to do.-Providencs
Journal
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Saved Somebody's Eyes.

Church-A sick cat in North Adams.
Mass, was found to be suffering
from having swallowed a seven-inch
hatpin.
Gotham-Well, that's one way OF
getting the Objectionable hatpins out
of sight.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
ComfortinG COMPANION.

$50 you went to the big outing?'
YES" replied Mr.. Growcher. "and
want to say that there is nothing
like a picnic to make a man realize
what a nice cool place his Office is. 8"
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Bjob at ANY Price.

Yeast-This paper says that the
water in the Nile is reported to be
lower than ever at the present time.
Crimsonbeak-Gee! They don't
have to buy water over there, do
they?
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
BLUE and
DISCOURAGED
Mrs. Hamilton Tells How She
Finally Found Health in
Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound.
Warren. Ind. 81 was bothered ter
ribly with female weakness. had pains

anu WdS lloI fcSuiah,
my head ached all
the time,I had bear
ing down pains and
my back hurt me the
biggest part of the
time, 1 was dizzy
and had weak feel
ings when l would
stoop over, it hurt
me to walk any dis
lance and l felt blue
and discouraged.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Worst Yet.

Mrs Dearborn - Is her husband
kind to her?
Mrs. Wabash-No; he's cruel.
Mrs. Dearborn-Grumbles when his
meals are late. does he?
Mrs. Wabash-No, he sings!
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
No. SIX-SlXTY-SIX

This is a prescription prepared es-
pecially for Malaria or ChilIs and
Fever. Five or six doses will break
any case, and If taken then as tonic
the fever will not return. 25c-Adv.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Heroic Treatment.

as there anything you can suggest
as a remedy for hay fever?" asked
the man who was sneezing.
YES. Go to some place where there
are plenty of mosquitoes and you'll
forget about it,"
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

81 began taking Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound and am now in
good health. If it had not been for
that medicine would have been in my
grave long time ago. Mrs. ARTIE E.
HAMILTON, RID. No. 6. Warren, Ind.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

Griggs-I hate to play poker with a
hard loser.
Driggs-It's a hanged sight better
than playing 1t with an easy winner.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Where He ExccIled.

Redd-Did his son get a diploma
from college?
Greene-No, but he brought home
a rafting good letter of recommends
ton from the rowing coach!
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

Mrs. Subbubs tentering husbands
office)-I ran into town today to do
some shopping, dear, and /
Subbubs-I see, and you ran In
here because you ran out of money.
Well, how much?
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
ViTALlTAS

Natures greatest curative for indf-
gestion, rheumatism. biliousness. &C.
zema, nervous debility, etc. At all drug
gists or address VITAL REMEDIES
CO., Houston, Tex.-Adv.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Has reated htmself

Smoking again? / thought you'd
cut it out"
We'll, you see. when I've convinced
myself that ! can cut 1t out whenever
want ] start smoking again."
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

Strange how soon a man can drop
out of public sight Nobody knows
whether ex-senator Aldrich is fishing
or sitting up nights worrying over
the tariff.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Out Too Often.

George, love- began the dear girl,
after we're married you won't be out
nights. will you?"
81 hope not replied George, who
plays poker. Pray for me-"
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Did Him Injustice.

Old LADY, heard you swearing just
now. You have a bad heart.
Tramp-You do me injustice, num-
II isn't a bad heart; it's bad tooth.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

Mrs. winsiow's soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums. reduces innamma'
tiou aIlAys pain,cures wind colo ,25c bottle-lr
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Put On.

is Dobbs a man of superior attain
ments?"
NO. Merely of superior airs
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
ALI Of.

Jack-So the doctor said you had
tobacco heart. Have you told your
fiancee?
Tom-Yes, and she's given me the
marble one.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Close Shave at That.

Bix-So you are now living in the
suburbs? DO you have to walk to the
train mornings?
Dix-N0. run.-Boston Transcript.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

Horrible examples are the kind
schoolboy encounters in his arith-
metic
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Another Case.

Esmond, R. 1t write to tell you
how much good your medicine has done
me and to let other women know that
there is help for them. I suffered with
bearing down pains, headache, was ir-
regular and felt blue and depressed all
the time. I took Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound and commenced to
gain in short time and l am well wo-
man today am on my feet from early
morning until late at night running a
boarding house and do all my own work.
I hope that many suffering women will
try your medicine. It makes happier
wives and mothers. Mrs. ANNA HAN.
BEN, Esmond, Rhode Island.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
RUB-MY-TISM

Will cure your rheumatism and all
kinds of aches and pains-Neuraigia,
Cramps, Collie, Sprains, Bruises, Cuts
Old Sores, Burns. etc. Antiseptic
Anodyne. Price 25c.-Adv.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
His Business.

The matchmaker you recommend
ed is a regular sycophant."
We'll. naturally, he's a time
server"
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Not ALWAYS.

DO you believe in love at first
sight?"
Depends very much on the acreage
Of the site"
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

The worst cases. matter OF how long
standing are cured by the wonderful, cid re-
liable Dr. Porters Antiseptic Healing oil.
Relieve, pain and heals at the same time.
25c SOC, 81 90.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Some Pitcher.

She My! Isn't the man who
throws the ball for our side just won
derful! He throws it SO they hit it
every time-Puck.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Mise Directions.

When you come TO fork in the
road, take it."
Il will. if il is a silver one"
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Sarcastic.


What is the underworld"
THAT part of the world that the
automobiles run over
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Good Reason.

Does I.arkin boast of his family
tree?"
No. It's too shady"
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

placed anywhere. At
tracts and kills all
dies Neat, clean. or
namentai, convenient
cheap. Iatts ALI
reason. ade OF
metal, csn'tspill0s TIP
over. will not soil OF
iniure anything.
Guaranteed effective
All dealers orssent
express paid for o. 90.
Ave. Brooilyn. ". Y.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

Luck may be merely a case of not
being found out.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
THE BEST HOT WEATHER TONIC,
GROVES TASTELESS Chill TONIC
The Old Standard, General Tonic. Drives Malaria
Enrches the Blood and Builds up the Whole System.
FOR ADULTS AND CHILDREN.

QUINNE and IRON wonderfully
TASTELESS chill TONIC Malaria Ch and
life and
Children Relieves
blood
We
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

The level headed man is not apt TO
be a rounder.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
Two is company, but three is a null
titude when father butts in.

Perhaps whisky does improve with
age-when 1t gets the chance.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
sody That Does the Work.

Who presents people at court.
pop?"
I'm this country, my son, 1t is gen
orally done by the grand jury"
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02
OnlyATouch
By REV. FARLEY E. HARTMANN. D. d.
Secretary a Extension Department
Moody Bshls Institute. Chicago

rExT-who touched me?-Luke s:G
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1913-08-02

WILL RELIEVE NERVOUS DEPREssiON
AND Low SPIRITS:
The Old standard general strengthening IONIC,
GROVES TAsrELESS chill TONIC ar1ases .se
liver 10 action drives ont Malaria and builds up the
system. A sure Appetizer and aid 10 diseston-
FOR adults and children. 10 cents
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1913-02-06
DR.. M. W. ROzzeIl.

DR.. M. w Rozzell and his family
left Saturday for their new home at
Hopkinsyille. Ky. The friends of
DR.. Rozzell and family regret very
much their departure. DR.. Rozzsll
was born ard reared in this county,
and his coming in and going out.
will be very much missed by the
people of May field and Graves couE-
ty. Besides being fine specialist.
he is a fine regular physician.
He has enjoyed fine practice Of
OF medicine for years. and the
weather has never been too cold or
too hot for him to go to see those
who wanted him in time of sickness.
He is social. clever and kind TO his
neighbors and friends. and DR.. Roz-
zen will be very much missed by our
people. The more the people of
Hopkinsville know of him and his
ability as a physician and specialist,
the more they will appreciate him.
The Messenger wishes him and his
good wife much pleasure. happiness
and success in their new home
Mas field Messenger.