Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-06-22

gong in the other direction Outside
If those pecuiarNies. the suit IS q fine
one II has many pockets in the jacket.
oa,h pocket havingta button and little
pIeat of its own. and a pair OF part
ridges could make a<nest n each pocket
without croNdinG.
This j. a suit of clot hes which makes me
a walking example OF what this country
would be- under free trade. To bring 1t
into Bermuda from London nc duty
OF At least scarcely any dl1y-was paid
by the man who sold it. He'told me that
forty-tp" shillinss really represented
quit, p-ofit To him. and that the people
who sold i, to him must have. stolen the
cloth TO set any profit out Of the trans
action I told friend OF mine this. and
hp said prob. bIy the cloth was given
avay-and that the donor had a terrible
time 10 ind any one to take II. He's
jealous
Now II We have free trade in ,he
United states viii be getting free
trade Atwood Scotch tweed homespun
iust like mine. with the tweed smelling of
the Scotch cottage in which 1t was spun.
But do We want free trade ,under these
conditions? This is what l have TO
endure.
Little brother looks me over and says:
Wen. I guess there is nothing the
matter with 1t. but il looks as il there
might he something awful wrong some
where
ANOTHER friend SAYS:
You look like Plymouth Rock hen"
Md still another one:
In the back that coat looks like
\azimoNa in A snake dress.
The office boy | enter the news
room says in loud whisper:
Gee. look what Re drug out OF
barrel
The man who prides himself on his PER
soraI appearance took one look at me and
said
"pi.t in the rain. | see
mother friend SAYS he admres my
nerve and that he rever thought would
ever amount to anything anyhow. Com
ing downtown painter splashed a few
drops Of white paint on my shoes.
Another dear friend saw the spots and
said:
Your clothes have run off on your
shoes
They are all jealous. T,ey all say the
g~apes which lie high above their reach
are sour.
When it was first arranged for post
masters to send in quarterly reports
many queer documents We're furnished
One or the funniest came from Water
ford. Fulton county, Ill. and is a model
Jf comprehensiveness. il not of gram
matoal precision. II is on file in the Post
once Department. and reads follows:
Waterford. fulton co. i'll
July the . 1856.
muster jrnes buckanin. president Of
United States.-Dear Sur Bean required
by The Instructions of the post Office TO
rsport quarterly, | now foolfll that
rIeasin duty by reportin as follows:
The Harvestin has been goin on pretty
ell and most of the nabors have got
thur cuttin about dun, wheat Is hardly
an average crop. on rollin' lans corn is
.-eIlowsh and wont cut more than ten or
fifteen booshis TO the aker the health
Of the communitie is only tolerably meesils
and coiery have broken out in abought
- and hat miles from hear. THAR are
powerful awaken on the subject of re-
lsun in the potts naborhood and many
souls are being made to know their sins
forgiven mis- nancy Smith a neer nabor
had twins day before Yesterday and one
Of them is poar scraggy thing and
wont live half its days this is aboot all
know and have to report the present
quarter give my respects TO Mrs Buck
amin and subscrib myself your Trooly
Abigail Jenkins.
m at fulton Co, lis"
Frank e: Willis. the rising young
statesman from Wool Town, Ohio, who
pulled down the spelling laurels in the
recent Press Club ladies' night enter
ta!nment. had better study up that blue
backed speiler because there's another
Chap In town who can twist the letters
round his tongue like a Mexican greaser
juggling a lariat. This same fellow is
Wrlsley Brown. special assistant attor-
rev general of the Department OF Justice.
Mr.. Brown sat in the front row at the
polling bee, and wore a sardonic smile
upon his face all through the proceedings
Now ! understand. He thought the words
were too easy. This Is easy to p.ove by
looking up the records.
Some time ago correspondent who
purported 10 be d college professor wrote
letter TO President Taft complaining
that the recurrence of crime waves was
due to malign thought impulses hurtIed
about by detectives of the Department of
Justice. Then the detectives would issue
forth and arrest these law breakers. ac-
CO-dng TO the writer in this way work.