davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-10-12

the Manhattan Indians went bl
he pins a medal on his breast
and quits work for the day.
Somebody should take off
Georgie's watch and slap his
wrist real hard.
In the meantime the war
dance of the Manhattan Indians
went bravely on. 1t was catch
as-catch-can all over the place.
They swayed and toddled and
wobbled and bobbled, each and
all of them trying hard to con-
ceal the fact that they were hu-
man beings.
They danced the Lame Duck
and Simpering Cinnamon Bear;
the Lingering Drag and the
Jack Rabbit Jump; the Boston
Antelope, and the Philadelphia
Scramble. Every once in a
f! while they'd stop, take a long
breath and then off again into
the Buzzard Bend and Walrus
Wiggle.
Each individual tried to act
as a special agent for the Zoo.
'Iow do you like it?" l
asked Peaches.
cts awful" she gasped.
''Look at that girl over there.
Why does she try to act like a
penknife 2"
Come out of the hardware
store" l answered. "She's do
ing the Armadillo Bendbackp p'
Just then Hep came up and
asked Peaches if she wouldn't
glide out and dodge the furni-
ture with him, whereupon the
Queen of my Bungalow shud-
dered from hairpins to shoe
buckles, murmured, 81 don't
| know how" and hid her head in
my shoulder.
'I'll fix that" squeaked Hep,
and two minutes later we were
confronted by a thick-set indi-
vidual who talked in chunks.
His name was Manuel Hoch-
enstein and he had a map on
him like a cross-section of the
McAdoo tunnel.
why don't you get out and
hit the hurdles with the hop
pers|" he inquired
"My wife wasn't brought up
in a circus" I went back at him;
"and I'm shine acrobat"
"Aw, say, it's a cinch, this
bunk Turkey Trotting," Mr..
Hochenstein informed us.
why, in ten minutes | can
learn anybody that isn't a war
veteran with two wooden legs.
| got Studio where | learn
everybody-ten dollars lesson.
Why, I've learned some of the
swellest Society danes in this
burg. You know I used to be
a bookmaker, but there's more
money in this game, It's a ten
to one shot and I bring the ba-
con home every time the flag
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-10-12

he meantime the war dance of
behind a lot of aristocratic rub
Der plants scattered enough rag
time for everybody to dip in and
help themselves, so up and down
through Hep's library into the
drawing room, through the liv-
ing room, across the hall,
through the card room, around
the foyer, back through the sit
ting room, down the hall again
and back into the drawing room
the various couples pranced and
galloped and wriggled and
squirmed and joshed each other
into the belief that this was
Life.
Hep met us at the door of the
Fun Factory and introduced us
to all the celebrities present,
with the exception of those who
were busy stepping on each 9TH
er's feet in the joyous dance.
Peaches and / sat down to
watch the mad revels, but as we
did SO a music box concealed in
our little tete-a-tete sofa began
to play "Snookey Ookums," so
we arose hurriedly and decided
to stand during the rest of the
carnival.
When we hurriedly arose to
the occasion a Literary Gnat
whose name is George Nathun
got the laugh of his life.
Pardon me!' he said, gig
Cling convulsively, ''but to a
man with my keen sense of hui
NOR the episode of the concealed
music box was intensely ludi-
crous. Now that my laughter
has subsided would you mind
doing it over again that I may
study the situation from a
psychological point of view?"
What are you going to do
with a fried smelt like that?
/ wanted to coax him into one
of the bath rooms and turn the
shower on him, but Peaches
begged me not to dampen his
youthful ardor, so / told him
what particular ingredient of a
cheese sandwich he resembled
and passed him up.
George is fearfully erudite.
With his thumb and forefnger
he picks big words out of his
bulging forehead and assemblies
them into neat little paragraphs.
These he carries on a tray to
a magazine where kind-hearted
men pay him money and beg
him not to come back until he
has spent it ALL
George was getting along
very nicely until one day some
body told him he was clever
then he fell apart.
Now he makes up his pieces
in front Of a mirror and when
he thinks Of something devil
ishly cute he and his reflection
exchange loving glances. Then
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-10-12
John Henry on
Turkey Trotting

q AY! did you ever get reaoy
and go to a Turkey Trot
~ party?
Scold mel deserve it, Paw I!
You wouldn't think it, but
here in New York the Pet OF
Fortune who makes it his life's
work to Burn Money is some
times hard put for an excuse to
Light the Match.
When a Paloofa with nothing
in his attic but shredded wheat
falls heir to a hatful of Mazuma
he quickly realizes that the
money has to be ignited-but
how to do it!
The awning that hangs be-
tween his pompadour and his
eyebrows becomes Care-fur-
rowed from trying to figure out
just how to set fire to the coin
Dad left him without attract
ing the attention of the police.
The Poor Thing soon discov-
ers that it's awfully hard to in
vent a new style in Financial
Bonfres, so he falls back on the
fiint-and-steel method of igni-
tion-and Gives a Party.
He knows that his bundle of
green and yellow pathfinders
will burn with brighter flame
if he can induce a lot of Night
Riders to tarry by his hearth
stone during the ceremony.
And joy in abundance is his
when they begin to kick the
ashes around his $4,000 apart
ment with their slippered feet.
Having heard Peaches breathe
a desire to be Among Those
Present at Turkey Toddle, our
friend Hep Hardy got busy with
his favorite paying teller and
gave one.
tried to explain to friend
wife that she'd find herself in a
blush producing atmosphere
where she'd hear them discuss
ing White Slave dramas, hot
from the Grand Jury room, but
she merely stung me with a
dimpled smile and said 'Tush,
come on; let's tease a taxi!"
Hep lives in one of those ex-
pensive shacks where the en-
trance is made up to look like the
room Louis the Fifteenth used
to get shaved in.
When you step in the front
door you think you've suddenly
arrived at a forced sale of art
objects and bric-a-brac.
The attendant who greets you
with a grin like comatose cat
fish must have beeri at one time
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-10-12

of his race; "but I was referring
to the affair-the party! Rip
ping! I didn't think I was 60
ing to like America, I mean to
say, but these Turkey Trot par
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-10-12
DE'ugleSS Treatment
a Great Success
Natures Remedy rs Making Wonderful Cures

II doctor has remedy which says cure you
make him back up with proof Don't take his
word alone
So many doctors especially those who drugs boast
OF thousands OF curesbut they can't show them. The
truth is they don't cure; That's why
evidence OF their marvellous deeds
We've got a remedy that We prove 1t. Well
tell the names Of people who have found health in
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-10-12

Miss Kate Cameron Michigan Bar. Cal 7 had
only used Electra days when felt RELIEF ana
the relief has steadily My In getting
the appliance was TO relieve constant pain in my SIDE
build up generally Must say that am T niyrG
than ! consider 1t WonoerIu
to secure almost instant relief for that pain which my
doctors lied to help.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-10-12

cause they lack electricity. force where 1t
iS needed and pain and sickness will disappear
drugs than mar needs poison
II weak is Crying for energy give il that
|
Wear Electra , Vita while you sleep It stream
OF electric life into of the BODY
building up vitality and strength and removing the
not shock or blister The only alton mild sooh-
Ing glow. " = N' ~
Electra-Vita Is a scientific home
1t does not have to be charged. makes its oWn
continuously - o"-
People who hsvo used appliances IN t.n you
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-10-12

you like I'll learn you-the tan
go, the dip, the trot, the glide,
the lope, the squat, the squirm,
the slide, the spiral, the fore and
aft, and the side-wheel. Say!
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-10-12

our u eh htInelll ana you cBn
ask them about 1t. We
cure with Natures medi-
cine-electricity.
There's only one way to
cure anything, That way Is
to assist Nature, Some doc
tors say that drugs assist
Nature, but we know they
don't. Nature needs nour-
ishment, strength. some
thing that builds up, Drugs
contain no nourishnent, not
one thing that builds up
vitality, Just poison. which
tears down. The help Ma
ture needs is electricity.
It's the power that runs the
human machine, and the
basis Of ali life.
Most all NJ mans all
nents are du, to the failure
or breaking down of the
stomach. nerves. heart. liver,
kidneys and digestive or
gans, Now. electricity runs
every one Of these organs.
or machines. Tho reason
any OF them break down OF
fail TO work properly IL be-
cause t6ey In ck aIect ricitv
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-10-12

Mr.. L. P. Stone, e!s
Twelfth St, Ogden Utah:
saws: II had only used
Electra Vita short tin.e
when I found myself able 70
do my work IN ease II Is
now a couple OF months
since stopped wearing the
appliance and there has been
no necessity for mo TO re-
sumo the use OF It, because
the rheumatism does not
trouble me at all-neitheT
does the constipation.
thank you for what Eleos..
ira Vita has done for mo
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

Hawaii should spend double its present ap
Precipitation for promotion work. Promotion
pays It makes dividends not for a favored few
but for every business, large and small, in the
territory.
The Oakland Chamber Of Commerce, an or
ganization whose highest ideal is to serve the
community rather than private interests, says
this in recent bulletin:
Ihsre is nothing mysterious about the reason why
Southern California gets the bulk Of tourist travel
and induces the Investment OF millions of outside
money.
It Is simply because of persistent advertising. as
Indicated BY the fact that counties OF Southern
California are yearly spending from $4,000 to s15O
o06 year IN community advertising.
Oakland and Central California can get this bus
mess. If they win pay the price
Hawaii can get this business, too, if Hawaii
viii pay the price With a free sugar bill nov
practically certain to pass Congress, Hawaii
should 60 after the tourist business just as ener
retically and as scientifically las Hawaii has
been going after record sugar Yields.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19
WELCOME THEN /!

They will be here in a bunch tomorrow--peo
pie from all over the territory, delegates to the
civic convention, their wives, families and sweet
hearts
Give them r0using welcome when they land
in Honolulu and keep it up until they have gone
Tomorrow morning at o'clock the Mauna
Kea will arrive from Hawaii and Maui bringing
more than hundred businessmen here to join
with Honolulu in an inter-community movement
that promises to be one of the finest things that
ever happened in these islands.
Honolulu should be down at the Mauna Kea
wharf in force to meet the visitors. Give them
hearty handshake, tell them you're glad they
have come and hope they will come oftener.
Loosen up!
Yell-if you feel that way.
Hawaii must pull together nightly for the
next few years pull as the rowing crews will
be pulling tomorrow.
Friends pull together; strangers don't
The territory ought to be one big community
Of friends
Tomorrow is an opportunity to extend this
circle Of friendship Let's see il Honolulu can
jam Mauna Kea wharf, foot of Nuuanu street,
with friends gathered to meet the visitors from
the other islands,
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19
v ORK
FOR Y. v. c. A.
OUTLINED

The work of the physical training
department of the local Young Won
ems Christian Association viii begin
October /, and until that time the
physical directories. Miss Margaret
Christy upper. win be in her ofiiee
in the Bosom building to confer with
all those young women who wish to
join classes in gymnasium work,
swimming tennis, basket ball and
first aid-to-t he-injured
Following is the complete sched-
ule for the fall work:
Tuesday.
Swimming-2:00 10 500 p. m, adj
yanced classes. 800 to 400 p m,
elementary classes. 400 to 500 p.
M, juniors.
Gymnasium-7:15 to Sis p. M, adj
vanced classes. SIS to 9:15 p. M,
elementary classes.
First aid-S:00 to 800 p. m.
Wednesday.
Swimming to 800 a. m, ad-
yanced classes. 1000 to IL m,
club meeting. 1900 to 1900 a. m,
elementary. classes.
Tennis-4:O0 to.5:O0 j. m. and 500
to 800 p. m.
Thursday.
Swimming to 1000 p. m,
elementary classes. 1000 to 1900 p.
M, club meeting. 1900 to 1900 p.
M, advanced classes.
Gymnasium 400 to 500 p. m,
=
Tennis 400 to 500 p. m. and 500
and 500 to 900 p. m.
Swimming-7:S0 to $3.50, evening
classes.
Swimming--9:O0 to 1000 a. M,
elementary classes. 1000 to 1900 q
m, club meeting. HOO to 1900 a:
m, elementary classes.
Gymnasium-4:O0 to 500 p. m,
juniors.
BasketbaIl-s5 to 900 D. m.
Gymnasium 7:15 to 8:15 p. m, adj
yanced classes; SIS to 9:15 .p. M,
elementary classes.
Saturday.
Swimming-2:00 to 300 p. m, adj
vanced classes; 800 to 400 p. m,
elementary classes; 400 to 500 p.
M, juniors.
Tennis-7:o0 to 500 and 500 to
300 p. IN.
The prices for these classes are as
follows. gymnasium, IL hours, $3.50;
gymnasium. % hours, $4.50; junior
gymnasium, u hours, $1.50; swim
ming, II hours, $1.O0; tennis, Il hours,
$3.50; basketball,s fifty cents;S first
aid course, 500.
The gymnasium work will take
place In the Castle kindergarten, King
street and on the lawn of the Home,
stead. The swimming instruction
win be given at the Castle tanks, Wal
kiki. These tanks have recently been
renovated and win be Of even more
service than last year. The basket
ball field adjoins the Homestead
grounds, and the class in first aid
will meet at the Homestead.
There are no reasons why many
more women should not reap the ben
efits offered by the Y W. G. A. this
year." said Miss Upper this morn.
ing. "The development of ease, grace
and strength, and the recreation OF
body. mind and spirit"
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19
WILSON 4 DPLoHaT

The Daily Commercial News of San Francis
co is quite evidently no adlnirer Of President
Wilson and his secretary Of state The News has
discovered that diplomatic Europe is grinnins
at the United States because Of Uncle Sans re
cent international utterances. Referring to
ssThe Mexican Middle the San Francisco finan-
cial organ says:
The detailing Of a special ambassador to mediate
between government and various bands of robbers
within its borders, with view to stopping the loot
and conciate the government in question with
the robbers is something new
To send special envoy to advise fourth secre-
tary Of an embassy that is not embassy advise
with the government Of Mexico as how it can get
rid Of president who is not pleasing to the Prince
ton professor now at the head of our government is
something uncanny.
And Europe grins South America laughs Japan
outlaws while Africa holds its sides. The Internal
tonal Clown is at his best
This San Francisco paper seems unable to I'M
derstand that President Wilson is accomplishing
great deal by his frank refusal to intervene in
Mexico 1t seems equally unable to appreciate
any diplomatic statement that is not couched in
the most Indirect and subtle of language Pos
sibly it il incensed because Wilson talks in, q
rather mattersof-f fact and straightforward way
about questions that Talleyrand would have APP
preached with infinite caution and care to con
eeal his real intent
Bryan's diplomacy has not yet been shown
But, judging from the comment of the. American
press, friendly or unh.iendly to the Democratic
administration, the caliber of Wilson's diplo
macy is large. 1t may not be dollarmarketl, hui
il seems to please a good many millicn American
people
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19
THOUSANDS WILL
WATCH RACESON
HARBOR WHARF
CONTINUED from page one)

--
arranged at the Channel wharf. which
has been scrubbed clean, provided
with seats, and given fire and police
protection. This wharf is open to the
general public, as are all the wharyes.
The boat-ciubs issue invitations and
badges.
Alakea wharf, usually a vantage
spot, win probably not be a good
place from which to view tomorrow's
events, as the Kinau. carrying the
civic convention delegates. and the
Mauna Loa. carrying the Honolulu Ad
Club and guests, will be moored across
the front of the wharf.
There will be scores of craft, large
and small, on the water, lining the
course. The customs authorities have
been asked to assist the regatta Of
ficials in keeping the racing course
clear and in preventing large steam
ers or motorboats from raising waves
that viii interfere with the low-lying
racing barges.
At the Healani boat-house the fol-
lowing committee will be in charge of
the reception and care of guests: II.
Lemke, l. NJ Hale, Geo. E. Gall, A..
K Clymer, w. T. McGeorge.
The committee which will receive at
the Myrtle clubhouse is as follows:
J. H. Hutchings, p. G.. Jopson, w. A.
Andersen, John Searle. W. McAllister.
The same committees are in joint
charge of the Regatta dance. which
takes place tomorrow evening in the
Young Hotel pavilions For the dance
Kaai's double glee club has been en-
gagged The decorations will be COM
pleted tomorrow afternoon The sale
of tickets has been large and big at
tendance is expected. Tickets may be
secured from members Of either club
or at the door on the night of the
dance.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19
THE BUG HUNTERS.

oh, they chase the wary skeeter to
his lair,
And they Stay him by the million then
and there,
And the chigger and the gnat
And the young domestic rat,
Well, they just externlinate 'em every
where!
Oh. they I'LL the stagnant marshes full
of oil,
And the peace of the tarantula they
spoil,
And they go around and make
Life unpleasant for the snake
Who so often in our boudoirs used to
coil.
And they enter in the natives humble
cot,
And they scrub and fumigate him on
the spot;
For though picturesque, perhaps,
AS are other native chaps,
Is the Spiggoty hygienic? He is notl
Yes. the sanitary people lead life
Which is fifty-nine varieties of strife,
For they deal with white and brown
In the jungle and the town,
And with Mistah CuIIud Person-and
his wifei
So we boost for Colonel Gorgas and
his crew,
Who have blotted yellow fever out of
view;
Who have changed deadly port
To a blooming health resort,
Which is something people said they
couldn't do.
-Berton Braley in Popular Magazine.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

A proposal that. the Rapid Transit
company run an owl car In Honolulu
for the benefit of after-theater parties
after 1870 o'clock Is regarded by
Manager Ballentyne as being inadvis-
able. Ballehtyne says that the last
car departure from town has been
gradually advanced, and that there are
very few passengers after II o'clock,
and that he does not see how the COM
pany can put on extra cars for a late
theater supper service.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19
D9rSQAdl,
fpltlOf@

wILFRED HUMPHERIEs. a gradn-
ate of the Y. NJ. C. A. training school
at Springfield, Mass, is soon to ar.
rive in Honolulu to take the position
of special director of boys work for
the Palania Settlement. He will also
act in the capacity of assistant to the
|headworker of the settlemen.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

A. G. SMITH, assistant attorney
general, is preparing to bring proceed.
ings in court for condemnation of a
strip of land on Front street, Hilo.
owned by T. x. Lalakea and for which
he refuses to accept a price of 81 a
square foot The tract is needed to
continue the plan of widening From:
street.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

DIR. J. s. B. PRATT returned this
morning from several days trip of
inspection to. Molokai and Lahaina,
Maui. He reports the board of lep-
rosy examiners this week examined
twenty-three members of the settle
nnent, finding two to be not lepers and
four others SO much improved that pa
roles we're recommended
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

Hawaiis promotion interests in San Francis
co should be well-cared- for in the hands of Al
bert P. Taylor, and the Promotion Committee
has made wise choice in selecting this expert
enced and energetic newspaperman to represent
it for the next two years in city that offers a
wide field of activity. Mr.. Taylor is one of the
veteran newswriters of the islands in point of
service, knows conditions here thoroughly and Is
well-equipped in ability and personality to meet
tourists from all over the world and convince
them of the attractions of Hawaii He has the
best wishes of the Star Bulletin and of the press
of the territory generally.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

Small Edna noticed that her moth
|ers hands were chapped, and ex-
claimed: ,"Oh, mamma, just look!
You are all wearing out!''
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

Pittsburg pa Chronicle: "This pretended
measure in the interest of the people is in reality
move to swell the profits of the sugar refining
monopoly"
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19
EDITOR
LUHPs OF SUGAR

st. Louis MOI Globe Democrat: Judging
from what has happened TO coffee after all duty
upon it was abolished our sugar bill (under free
sugar. would be higher than now
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

PAUL SUPERB The Y. NJ. G. AS
activities are about two months ahead
of other years at this time. and the
fall work is beginning with bang.
The man who outlined our advertising
is the fellow who put the .us" in
rush"
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

That advance guard from the Big Island gives
proof that Hawaii will hadistinctly ION the job
throughout the civic convention.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

Judging from the noise these days, there are
big guns around Honolulu other than Mayor
Fern.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

The report that local Democrats have asked
for a police guard at their harmony meeting to
night is probably exaggerated.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

One of the main things for the civic conven
tionists to remember is to act unconyentionally
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

What has become of Huerta's special envoy to
President Wilson? Is he lost in the shuttle?
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

Josh Tucker will do well if he carries his ia
nous smile through all these homestead trou
bles.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

The man with yell in his system has an op-
portunity tomorrow to get it out
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19

Celebration without decoration is Hamlet
without the melancholy Dane.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19
fIIIIEfNIEINIEMl

"A. E. LARIMER: The Y. M. G.
A. employment committee is doing
splendid work in finding out where all
the jobs are. When the Honolulu bus
inessmen take a proposition in hand,
there is generally something doing.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-09-19
FRIDAY $500. SEPTEMBER 10, 1913

SO much happiness falls to ercry man as he
possesses rirtac and aoisdom and also acts ac-
cording to their Observation-Disclosures