davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26
GLOBE SIGHTS
BY THE ATCHIsoN GLOBE.

A lot of men are sent to Heaven in an
obituary.
The world needs some reform and more
bathing.
Talk is free in this great land, and
worth about that much.
Quite a few men we can think OF
wouldn't stand a chemical analysis.
Some audiences are 80 clammy they
should be referred to as congregations.
Men should be careful. A woman doesn't
believe a lot OF things she pretends to
believe.
Alb Adkins says he early acquired q
reputation for industry, and hasn't been
able to quit work since.
First of the year resolve to be good for
goodness sake, and not because you are
You have a lot of schemes you are too
lazy to try out, and others you are afraid
to tackle. Everyone is like that.
He that humbleth himself will be ex-
alted, Is one text. Still, most married
men are humbled and hardly exalted.
1t takes the children some time to have
their own way, although they frequently
come nearer than us older heads.
A man likes to imagine that his mind is
forming superb thoughts while he Il
watching the clouds from his cigar.
There is also some curiosity in the great
outside world to know how much Of the
price of a ball player Is real money.
When q man selects politics as . Ca
that hard work doesn't represent his idea
of q good time.
A man Is to be congratulated for q
cheerful disposition, but at the same time
there may be something in the theory
that the Crouch can't help II.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Another Andrew JAckDonss cane has
been delivered At the White House. We
didn't know Andrew peep0nal1ys but
gather that he had q gufncient number
OF canes to make q picket fence around
Social: Mr.. Wilson and family OF
Warrington are XmaSing with the
weh-known Mrs. sippi-
Rosalio Huerta. pinched in Topeka
for shoplifting. would not be recog-
nized by his namesake In Mexico. Tho
social limo between shoplifterD and
porch cltmbers -is drawn very distinctly.
It was = Very Merry Christmas. but
there is something to be thankful for
In the fact that 1t II over. There will
be NO moro Night Before Christmas'
parodies for quite q WHILE
Many wosnens admire their husbands,
but q majority Of them have to can up
their admiration.
1t IL passing easy for . man to re-
main In doubt as to whether 1t IL better
to 90 to church on Sunday morning or
to perform the other Sabbath penance
read the comic supplement to the
kids.
The way to make 'em last longer 10
to give the chee-ild 90 many breakable
toys that It will spend some time in
debate over which to break i1rst.
The Spanish monks were geniuses in
their way. but they failed to invent
anything In the way Of torture to meet
the just deserts Of the blinkety-blanked
yap who yells FIRE"
This department takes great pleasure
in announcing: that we didn't receive
From Hon. 8. Claus a single purple
necktie.
Here's hoping you experienced the
day everybody wished upon you at
sight yesterday.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26
QUAKER MEDIrAT1oNs.
[From the Philadelphia Record,

lFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
A handmaiden-the waitress.
In spite of the beef trust the vegetarian
might be able to make both ends meet
Many fellow gets the grip who never
belonged to q secret society in his life.
A reformer II simply q man who tries
to convert other people to his way of
thinking.
When all the houses in . row are reofod
except the corner one, It II last, but not
leased.
Blessed Is the peacemaker. because he
has to live down tne reputation Of being
q busybody.
You never can tell. The fellow who
blows his own horn isn't always the
best musician in the band.
Sfllicus-'0ive me an illustration of tine
difference between the ideal and the real" :"
Cynicus and marriage"
Hoax-.-The railroads ought to be glad
there Isn't any tax ON locom0tives." 3oax
Yes. 1t might give them locomotor
etAxfa.'
Wigg-'No fellow likes to be tied to .
giffs apron strings." Wagg-.-ThAt. .
right. Manv . girl has -1os& out -becansa
she had too many STRINGS to her beau
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

rcd. did you come down here to-
day to pick . fuss With me!.'
course not. but y0u seem ready
Il simply said It was Z buuhead. ;.
And I simply said 1t was . bass,"
:! shall continue to say bullhead!''
Ana Ms bass to the end OF my
You are aggressive, siri'
And you are obstinate, misss"
Tne tramp coming along the high.
way had never 'salIed out Of 0louces-
, ter. but he could have told that the
nsh swimming around 90 care-frea
was neither : bullhead nor 4 b.. but
what inland nshermen cali a ..shiner. :"
II they were plenty enough some trust
would be putting them mp for the best
French sardines. But the climax came
before the tramp got there.
Very wen. Mr.. Landefs!" said
Miss Aaggie with q toss Of her head
a. sne turned and walked away.
II Fred had called to her or fol.
lowed her It would have shown =
weakness. He let her 70 without q
word. and stood there like an idiot
Tor forty minutes waiting for her to
return and make up.
The rest can be told In his words
to- his Aunt Polly when he reached
home:
.As she didn't return went to the
house. expecting to find her on the
veranda- She wasn't there. Then /
ran down the road for half q mile.
No Maggie. Then I ran up the road
Tor half mile. No Maggie. Then I
Whtstled and called. No answer
UNI" said the aunt
Back to the house, and had to tell
her parents. The father said I was
q chump, and the mother said she
thought I was that kind Of q young
man all along"
Two "ums!" from the aunt.
Il looked all night. but couldn't
find her. I believe walked forty
miles and fell into q hundred swamp
holes. See how I was scratched by
the briars!''
''Um!"
The next morning she appeared"
mussed up at all. was she?"
Fresh as q daisy"
''Um! been right in her own, room
all night"
II guess so"
And what happened ?''
why, she said IL I would take it
as a great moral lesson and never
dispute her again she would try to
forgive me-"
And you promised. you ninny!"
cuddle down and let me boss her, as
you said she would. You surely fell
down in her case"
The aunt thought 1t over for five
minutes and then said:
s'Um! Who would have thought
there was such a difference between
|a Michigan and a York state gir1!"-
Copyright, 1919. by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.)
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26
kllExlS <>oaflGENr
GOOD Ioanna

-
The good loser theory a. Yenera1ly
accepted and understood II. accord1u6
20 our way Of looking at It, in many
Gases overworked. The term a. used
generally means that when he II beat-
en q good loser" win Ne don SUI
pinely and allow the victors to run
tnangs according to their own sweet
wn. According to this dsfnitlon. Q
pelson lighting for q principle ahou1d
never be . ''good loser" The men who
ior years unsuccessfully fought slavery
IN this country. In congress and on the
nave suffered defeat after defeat and
yet always came back. Tho same may
% said Of tho men and women who
nave been fighting the liquor tra01c.
defeat has only made them more seal-
Gus and determined. General Grant
was not a good loser At Pittsburg
landing and In the battles against Lee
on the way to Richmond. reverDe9 and
seeming defeat only nerved him for
more determined efforts. General
inomas would never have won or de-
served the cognomen Of the Rock 0e
Chickamauga OF he had been q good
loser Colonel Roosevelt has none Of
the earmarks OF q good loser in tho
nent he has espOused for equal oppOr-
tunities and Netter conditions for the
-Holton Recorder.
THE VILLAGE HOTEL
Next TO the waiting room In the railway
stau0n the least attractive place In the
small town is the village hotel The Of
nee Is carpeted with linoleum, the wash
stand Is In one corner, forlorn rusted
stove fails to heat the room or heats II
700 much. the air 10 filled with the dust
tnat remains after thousand sweepings
tnat never clean. there u no Hight for fhe
use OF guests who would like to forget
tnetr discomfort In the enjoyment Of Z
newspaper or magaxine, and the only en-
tertanment offered II the privilege OF
watching two or three town loafere play
pitch with q pack Of greasy cards In The
oining room the food scenery ana sur
roundings are still more discourasing.
bread. variety Of small dishes of Vsssa veset-
aoies. all spoiled TN the cooking and q
cup OF some unknown decoction mas
Queraoing as coffee destroyed al the In
tereet In life that Is left after even the
shortest sojourn In the hotel office. Up
stairs. the bedrooms are without heat.
warm water, ventilation, or Comfortable
Iurnfsh1ngs. The mattresses are the re-
mans OF what may once have been very
good beds. but after years OF service a
the property Of generations OF shfftless
put thrifty landlords they are vithouf
further usefulness to the travelling public.
The sheets and pillow cases NAV Be fairly
clean. but all the balance Of the bed fur
nlSnfngs. are dirty and dangerous Mr.
Miles Mulroy. hotel Commissioner for
Kansas. and his inspectors. have plenty
Of work ahead.-Salina Union. Fs
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26
.AYHIWKER .JOTS

The ties that bind are not Christmas
neckties, insists the WamegO Times.
Mrs. Wetherholt is quoted by the
Shawnee Chief az saying: Since have
been SO hoarse that cannot speak out
loud my husband has been more cheer
full.
Gabe Toots remarked recently within
the hearing Of the Pratt Union: There
amt nothin' that kin go out and work
like a candidate that's bein' urged to
run by his friends.
How is it that the liar can gain SO
many ears when he goes forth to lie?
asks the Norton Courier. And It il to
be hoped that the Courier will ask
something easy next time.
+ And the Cherry Creek correspondent
Of the st. Francis Herald may well be
pardoned for asking: Did you ever hear
OF anything like this? A couple OF our
boys traded dogs last week.
The trouble about paying the fid-
dler, insists Tom Thompson OF the
Howard Courant, is that you have to
keep it up SO long after you have got
too old to enjoy the dance.
Repartee on the streets of Oberlin. az
reported by the Oberlin Times: A
veterinarian Of our city, jokingly said
to a farmer Saturday. looking at
SIE6uKG dulIIdl ne Cn6AANC0 " OO NAA
ing, when did you steal that one" The
farmer replied. The day before you
killed that one for Neighbor Smith,
Here's another good story going the
rounds of the Kansas press: A little
Swedish boy presented himseR before
the schoolma' am who asked his name.
"Yonny Olson" he replied. .sHow old
are your" asked the teacher. Ay don't
know how old ay -bane." well. when
were you born?'' asked the teacher.
who nearly tainted at the reply: "Ay
not born at all; ay got a stepmoth-
er."
The eggsistence Of an egg trust has
been denied, says the Winfield Free
Press. But still only the eggstrava-
CANT housewife will eggscuse the use
of an eggstra egg. The eggstraordi-
nary price of eggs is hard to eggsplain
eggscept on the theory that the eggs
ecutive committee of the egg layers
is eggspressing its eggstreme eggsas-
peratfon at the eggscessive eggstent of
the Representation eggspressed by eggs
cited hen raisers, who eggspect
eggs, and whose eggspletives need
to be eggspurgated when they eggsplore
the hens nests without finding any.
But there's no use getting eggscited.
You can eggsist even If eggs have made
their eggsit from the menu. Their
eggsellence has been greatly eggsagger-
ated.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26
HUaFop or 7m Dly

1t isn't what you earn that counts: ftss
what your wife doesn't spend.-Llfe.
Perkins believes that . mans charac-
ter can be determined by his handWxit-
ing" II don't remember seetfng nv cf
PerAins' handwriting" mo. PcrklnS AZ
ways uses typewriter Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
HAS your son any pert3cular ambition?''
II should say he has. He hopes that oon1a
time he'll wrEgIe himsef fres from the
for the winning touchdown. ''-Detroit
do you feel that the voters have reaiiv
came to know you since y0u opened YOU
|campaiRnf' Mot Il they have "a 0e1,sss6
ON my campaign pictures for i6enf1ficS-
ton, replied the candhdate.-BufIalo Tx
'sNo. my man. this - not mine. II -.
. twenty-d0 bill lost" ssBut Il ~
tvintx -6oller hin before 7 got II ohanssd.
sor. What d1d you eet 4 changed 1or?;
moue1y reW1r1 ~ soogs-3U17k - :
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

time. Tlae most vigorous law against
it should be passed and enforced. The
federal government should take hand
In this. and rule 1t out of interstate
commerce. and punish any man severe
-ly who IL caught violating the law.
That would be an effective way OF
stamping out murder. far moro than All
the prisons and executions would 90.
We hope. before President Wilson goes
out Of ONCE. he win slip paragraph
to this elect In one Of his messages.
He win save thousands OF lives II ne
does.-Ohio State Journal.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26
ADVICE TO THE MIDDLE-AGED.

ADVlOE III the 1IDOAE.A0TED.
In the January woman's Home
Companion Ralph Waldo Trine writes
an illuminating and exceedingly prac-
teal article entitled "Actualizing Ones
Ideals" in the course of which he
gives the following advice to the mid
dlc-aged:
1T would seem that middle or later
life should be the most happy and tru-
ly satisfying period Of ufe-that to
which the previous years all have been
leading. But We can't then stop
growing II we would be truly happy
and useful-and let us remember that
to be useful is one of the prime
requisites Of being truly happy. Some
things possibly have gone: but other
things surely have taken or should
take their places.
Some of the bloom may have left
the cheeks; little streaks Of color. diff
ferent from that Of babyhood or youth
may have appeared in the hair; less
lithesomeness in the form may re-
quire a little different suit or gown to
reveal its greatest attractiveness. or
even to envelop 1t at all.
.But whatever changes the years
may bring. and we will all reach mid
die age-if we live long enough and
have not already passed it-there
should be gains, in experience. in
knowledge, in wisdom. and in pow
ers, that will far more than compen-
safe for whatever losses or apparent
losses the passing years have brought.
There will be disappointments both in
ourselves and in others. There will
be disillusions. But nothing IL ever
quite perfect in this world or in this
life. We will moreover save ourselves
much Of unhappiness when we once
fully and frankly recognize this fact.
There will be discouragements: there
will be conditions at least temporar-
lily hard to bear; there viii be sor-
rows. But these all have their influ-
ences. In building character and in
beautifying life II wisely grasped.
wisely turned. and wisely used" :
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Now watch for sample of DEM
ocratic good times.' say the enthu-
siasts over the new currency law. And
II they should come. which every one
hopes. with the possible exception Of .
few moss-bach Republicans. they will
have the great distinction of being a
decided novelty. But the real thing In
the bumper crops' line will do more to
bring good times about within . year
or 20 than any kind of . currency law
that might He written.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26
IRON OTHER PENS
ADVERTISING AMERICA

plan for advertising the national parks. ks
.csnc n; Ss
sample e ne ietter. hs has bssn rsce.v1
Information abroad. On . ship returning
to America a lady. apparently sane.
snded sn6 dnsn me ta question about cur country
make an extensive tour Of the New
World: From New York she proposed to
to e. vctopa FAN. sn soIs n Ma sac
tame From chicaso she Intended to 50
section carefully, and anticipated great
.a around Ford nnS sss
:ss %%'ss 81 s:ts 2SS 81 sss$
remarkable that cultured Europeans
should have such vague ideas Of the .eeos-
United States. there is more excuse for
the ignorance Of foreigners than for the
ignorance Of do,;a,'ss ATsricans Nsverths,sss:
er It is due to our abstract system OF
Sineis lack 81 IN what z lies out
side their native cities. the truth Is that
many Americans know no more ebout
cl ~afns deas Of te United States sg S
sex hsve e
ers whom they meet in hotel. and on
caeo, and Philadelphia are like, but they
know very little about the picturesque
Of the south , and and Wsst ,rs afnid
states is COMPOSED Of number Of large
cities. with nothing but vast stretches OF
farm lands in between. The first thing
eomething Of their own country: to nnd
out all about the marks. mountains. lakes.
and picturesque placer Once lst Amer-
co,rntrv first. and the ignorance Of Eu-
rome with respect to our picturesque re-
sources will be corrected.-Washingto
Post.
NOVEL SrIGGESTION-
voltaire's dictum that the art OF gov
ernment consists in taking money away
from, one act of people and giving it 10
another is illustrated In It's classical sim
rlicity in the INGENIOUS proposal Of Mr..
doing away with inheritance and paying
from the vast rroDertv thus reverfinx to
the state a modest sum Of from Sl-510 to
coy,i-e OF age. Such a nest egg would
certainly he p1easanf and 1t mseht help
to encourage matrfmonv. concerning the
future of which the peaslmifta were never
more pessirnistic than now. But M. Bab-
son. who r. SO ready to prescribe the
metnod rs II rnien ctho% asc onso oS ~ Dy
does not sugeest how the peopIe sye to be
made to agree urou this noint. Money r.
pleasant in later !ife .s well as upon com.
the experience would be strong. There
he land rats and water rats. also wfld
nassessinx Eass s the MONOPOLY Of the Saisot s:
permanentiv content Win this arranse-
rrent after their own money was spent?
crows bv what It feeds on.~sprinSfieid
Republican.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Here ID a statement to the effect that
there are 10000 persons killed in this
country every year. and nine in ten OF
them would not have been killed were
It not for the handy revolvers. A Ken
tucky Judge IL quoted ~ saying, In 80
years experience. he never tried a
murder casa but what occurred because
Of the violation Of the law prohibiting
the carrying Of concealed weapons. The
revolver is q terrible foe to humanity.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Although the New York police have
not discovered the man who sent the
bomb that killed the girl. they have
Uncovered the motive, which is better
than nothing at all.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Europe's uncrowned royalty seems
to the Washington Post to be impair.
TALLY distributed among several classes
of glad. sad, bad and mad.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Senator divers $3.50 pounds of
complimentary buckwheat flour ought
to help a little in official Washington's
struggle to live on its salary.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

1t should be borne in mind that the
busy highway robbers may be only
downtrodden brothers who never had
q chance.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26
Senator Bristow charge.

Senator Bristow charges that the
0lass-Owen currency law contains
many of the important provisions of
the old Aldsich proposal for currency
legislation. This being the case. ex-
Senator Aldrich and the Republican
party are entitled to some Of the cred
1t or blame. as the case may be. for
originating this legislation.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Senator Ashurst's bill for a $3.50. 900
barbed wire fence along the Mexican
boundary should include an embargo
on the expectation Of nippers.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

kissing aids diphtheria, declares a
medical authority. Which gives diph-
iberia and advantage that can't be
QYercoma.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

If the gas bills are to be regulated
by the heat produced by the matter
which goes through the pipes and met
ers. as is being suggested. most Of
them will be of the minus variety dur
ing the good old winter time.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Old Docs and New.
oh, what has become ofthe old fashioned
Who carried a satchel containing a stock
To cure all our HIS
The fashioned party without any
He doctored our pains and our aches and
And never was quick at collecting his
The oid-fashioned doc wore q shiny high
hat
And q Prince Albert coat and white tte,
and all that:
And his old one-horse shay
He 'r wore ''HA flowing a' ~Shai::kers. or mutton
Which offesed a place for tho microbes
But the old-fashioned doc worried not
He and the bacilli were on splendid terms.
rhe nsy.fashioned doc. he's . dinser all
He's On the job always from morning to
His face is shaved clean.
He is suave and serene:
And he dashes- about IN . high-powered
The new fsshioned doc IL business
He carries no bundle Of bills long past
He's up to the minute.
I Aere's good money in II,
When T. = .e;". ne: E Eerm appears he Is prompt
He win swat i and stab 1t and smash 1T
The oid-fashioned doc is no more in tho
The new fashioned doc gets the calls. un-
The Diary Of . Bonehead.
A kindly old gentleman with a shiny
frock coat. celluloid collar and white lawn
tie came into my office yesterday. took
fHo hou h0fv In fh0 ra10 md Iv~nIx
said:
7 came anne in to sell you an automobile
II have an automobile" I said, land
this Is my busy day."
"Ah, 30 you have an automobile. Well
then. I would like to show you a talking
II have one now at home and one here
In the Office
We'll then, have a splendid little
clothes wringer for $3.50"
my wife bought one last week.
We'll then. how about a good humidor
II had seven and gave away five last
Christmas. I have told you before that
am very busy today
mot too busy to look at a great bar
gain in an encyclopedia at 5 cents.
IT have more encyclopedias than 1 can
read II live to be 100 years old"
We'll then. to get right down to brass
tacks. ! want to sell you patent cork
I gave him the quarter and he faded
out Of my office. .''Thahks," said he.
That's what I came ineso sell you in
The Kids Mystery.
There's somethin' doin' in our fiat,
'Taint like 1t used to be;
There seems to be some secret that
They're keepin' way from me-
They're whisperin' from morn to night,
1t makes me gol ding sick:
For every time come in sight
They all shet up right quick.
It seems like can't go about
The rooms or anywhere,
Unless somebody has to shout,
You mustn't 90 In there"
Pas room is locked up like q Jail.
1t never was before;
And ma, she hollers and turns pale
II go near the door.
But when they think that I'm In bed,
These Tine December nights,
I'm underneath the lounge instead.
A-seeiH all the sights
That In the stttfn' room are shown
When dad unwraps the stun.
let EN- think they are alone,
SO you can hang their bluR.
When I've snuck back and closed my eyes
In bed, can't help think
OF pa and mas great big surprise
And can't aleep q wink
They're handing me IN awful g1ne
And I'm dead wise this year,
But I'm right tickled just the same
That Christmas morn u near.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Zapata appears to be among the
more courteous of the Mexican cut
throats. He has taken the trouble to
notify Huerta that he will be degraded
and hanged from the balcony Of the
national palace.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

A st. Paul minister has come out in
defense of Ananias. But probably he
wouldn't have done 1t If Ananias haG
lived in Minneapolis.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

In consideration Of the honor and
the advertising of the presidents pres
ence. Pass Christian. Miss, is doubt
less willing to forego its constitutional
liberties.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Hans Schmidt. the priest on trial in
New York for the murder of q girl,
must have plenty of money. or friends
who have. Four noted alienists have
testified that he IL insane. And such
testimony II not produced for a song.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

A Chicago judge has acquitted a
white woman accused Of numbering
her Chinese husband. thus saving the
jury. the governor and the indignant
public from all bother.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Now we know what was the matter
with ancient Rome. 1t has been dis
covered that the "Rah! rah! rah!" yell
originated there,
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Father probably got, besides tn
Christmas bills, a lot of fussy thing
with which to clutter up his desk.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Fewer needle gangs on the streets
in the big cities and more in the home
might be some advantage.
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

Too many of the modern exponents
Of Christmas cheer are in 1t for the
notoriety and advertising they can get
ont of II
The Topeka state journal., 1913-12-26

The United States government has
only Huerta to worry it, but the Brit
ish government has Mrs. Pankhurst.