New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-08-10
AS | WAS SAYING

Only laughter has greeted the new Royal Acad-
envy of Etiquette whereas our tourists will ind 1t
great comfort Especially the course IN correct
Dress for Men.
one never knows what in England Such
delicate distinctions. such niceties. such regard TOT
time and place. What said Lord Chesternelu' -
ceuloid collar in lodgings, well and good but In
boarding establishment. thousand times No
Or consider the Marquis of Aldgate's dying words
"Au nv life | have deemed II jolly nasty hower
10 wear a stovepipe with ones bobtai coat and
knickers on the first and third Tuesdays OF the
month"
Deep mysteries these. Which reminds U.S.
Those corduroys! over here no one addressed
kind word to them. We were accused OF anarchisH
grand opera the Black Hand and leanings toward
art, so fed the country.
Picking out VIGOROUSLY effulgent London hotel
we burst into the grand dining room for luncheon
corduroys and all. VIII you believe it?-the head
waiter seated in his best window-yes' dearly be-
loved. the very showcase
This puzzled us TILL consulting our prayer book
we saw that II was the twenty second Saturday
after Candlemas
And speaking Of etiquette there is suave Presi-
dart wilson arranging for his Mexican bullfght.
Watch him! He commands the cunningest little
manners ever allowed at large in America Regular
Partisan. that man
See how the Parisians manage when 1t comes
time 10 break heads Ten thousand wild cur
mudgeons assemble in big square Then come
the Dragons The curmudgeons draw bach' empty
ing the square Like wax troopers on stuffed nags'
the Dragons await developments. VOLTA. y bar
ricade.
Trumpets blare VIII messeurs the curmudgeons
kindly give themselves the pain to skedadde? Not
much, They boot.
pause Five minutes. More rumpets. win
absolute politeness the Dragons ride slowly TO the
barricade and halt Please, please! will messieurs
the curmudgeons skedaddle now? Instead RAIN oil
stones The cavalry retire to their end OF the
SQUARE Trumpets again. Another pause. Then, oh
gosh, Oh gosh But
Didn't every one hear the trumpet Of doom and
see the rehearsal in force and receive polite invita-
lions 10 skedaddle. and wasn't there time? Well
then,
This decorous little ceremony accounts for Uncle
John Lind BY all We learn he is trump
Blow. Uncle. and may the gods give Mexico an
omen ear! For Woodrow the Suave has been col
lege president Bad scrappers. the college presi-
dents! with heart in our mouth we read the
correspondence between Professor Spingarn and
President Nicholas Murray Butler. In flash we
caught the meaning OF that phrase the academic
shades" Hist. We will tell you. Black and blue
Temperance note The Colonel refused third
cup of coffee and though pitfu slave to habit,
our Lady OF the Goldfish is stoeling her heart against
a fourth lemon Foss fate
which was vile pun. OF course, but do consider
the influences to which exposed! For in
stance Toodlums do you know why Bridget goes
TO church before breakfast? says Toodums She's
a Cadillac"
And besides. Theophrastus. This desperate wag
avoids puns it is true but INDUCES wit too often
marred by ferocity. We dread his influence, though
YOU must not believe the sensational report that we
have kissed the Blarney stone We ate it. lmag-
ine then, our indignation when, hearing that lovely
Anna Pavlowa had fought with her latest Mordkine
Theophrastus called her the Eva Tanguay OF her
sex"
Personally. cannot see that either lady Will he
pleased and we denounce Theophrastus for the
monster of gratutous impudence he Is.
We have long yearnod to be abominabe ourself,
and the uprising against literary scandals bids us
hasten So we have prepared something in the
nature OF a detective story.
Chapter Smith dining alone with
married woman.
Chapter H-Mrs Smith seen dining alone with
married man.
Chapter III.-Enter our detective Dreadful
chapter all shuddcrs For he Is the very dickens
Of detective. Halls at nothing.
Chapter IV.-Intrcducing false clews to befuddle
the reader.
Chapter V-Our detective identifies Smiths com
panion also Mrs Smiths. But do we let out the
cat? Not till
Chapter Win which we shamelessly print the
names Mr. and Mrs. Smith. r. l.. II.