The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

ERNEST C. WALKER
New president of the Gridiron Club.
Miss Democracy appeared-a tall and
graceful creature with a face very much
rouged and a gown that would have ex-
cited the envy of every gay Parisienne.
She announced that she sought quiet
place where she could attend to her
knitting, because, as she melodiously OBJ
| served.
Men are deceivers, deceiTers deceiuers.
Men, are deceivers in modern politics;
Men are deceiIers, deceiyers deceiyen,
IN simply keep sitting and tend TO my knitting
and shun all their tricks
Having declared that she had Just
crocheted a lovely tariff bill with the
motto, God bless our home, but d-n
the income tax" Miss Democracy's ball
of yarn fell into dreadful tangle, due,
as she remarked, to the dreadful bank
ing and currency wrangle. At this point
the chorus, composed of rube Democrats
interviewed with a soulful exclamation, as
follows:
OF course, we're refomers, both trusted and true.
But think that more patronage should be our
due;
We've labored and quoted the platform and voted.
And now we want Office and that's up to you'll
Nothing Doing as to Jobs.
Did Miss Democracy respond with the
fat places? Not much! Here is what
she answered:
/ know you are waiting for all this debating
To cease, and my bosom with sympathy throbs;
But the occupation Of this administration
Is higher and nobler than handing out iobsl
After Miss Democracy had referred all
office-seekers to our old friend Wood
row." the aggregation of Democrats
wanted to know what they should say to
him They were told to say many things
that the Democrats cherished the spells
almost as much as the Baltimore plat
form, that the rule Of one term would
be Endorsed by both Champ Clark and
Bryan, and that he had better look for
thumb prints hereafter on ]. Ham Lewis
letters. This verse was sung by the
chorus:
Say to him, we are true to his policies strong;
Say to him. he is doing great service;
Say to him, with MeIico don't get in wrong
We can't help feeling Just bit nIEousl
As for the gentle rustics, il developed
that they were all awaiting with some
-trepidation the approaching postal exam
ination. They sang in joyful measure
luty were pam pAOlCNdAldls anu
then they added:
We don't see why
We have to try
Great knowledge to place On parade;
The gOldan native can cary il, -
The mail. we can cary IL, T. -
And sell and cancel postage stamps without book
leauing's aid
Examining the Postmastcrs.
Then followed the examination Of the
Republican and Democratic candidates
for the postofice, a mysterious voice
ing for civil service. Many questions
were asked, among them an inquiry as
to the name of the President. The Re-
publican confidently answered:
By HeckI It's Wilson-many years I've noted him.
Old Tama Jiml I'm derned glad they've promoted
him.
When the Republican candidate was
asked whether railroad values were
physical or metaphysical he burst into
tears and fed. Then there was an ef-
fort to appease Democratic wrath with
the big stick and the spear that knows
lr2 brother. but they would have none Of
them. From the chorus, in stentorian
tones, came the insistant demand:
We want their headSI And that's all there Is to I'll
So chop EN- OF! Somebody's got to do it!
whereupon advanced a stalwart MEM
Der of the club, bearing aloft a big bat
tie ak. There's just one weapon fills
the BILL" he announced, "the ak that
AdIai used with strength and skill"
So he sang a song about Adlai's ak
the cleaver Of our sires-the weapon to |
give 'em some arguments in the neck. |
Here were the last four lines Of his song: |
We're strong for kindness and for love-
Yet while Irvine q rosy wreath,
We want to the velvet glove, -
With a Hand Of Iron underneath.
Thereupon the chorus of rube Demo- |
Gratis warbled with much enthusiasmA |
Bring forth the ceaTer, the cleaTer, the ciesSer.
Bring forth the ceaTer Of our sires; |
Bring forth the ceaTer. the cleSyer, the cleaTer,
Well drop EN- and chop EN-, |
The one way to stop en-
That meets our desires
There was no mistaking the emphasis !
of the applause which greeted this melo- |
dious declaration, just as the frequent
of laughter during the per-
f7rmance of the skit told that the lines
were full of meaning to the assembled |
guests.
Initiating New Members.
A Federal reserve board, consisting of
Gen. Coxey, chairman, and Harry Thaw, |
David Lamar, Col. Mulhall, Jack John
son, William Sulzer, and Charles f. Muir
ply, initiated the five new members of
the club who had been elected since the
last dinner a year ago-E. A. Fowler, of
the New York Sun; Arthur B. Krock, of
the Louisville Courier-Journal: John P. |
Ryan, San Francisco lost; Frederick Es-
sar-, Baltimore Sun, and Thomas w. Bra
hany, assistant secretary to the Presi- |
dent-the latter limited member. The |
money for the reserve was promptly sup
piled by Harry Thaw and then the can
didates were asked to hand their initia-
ton fees and dues to the treasurer of
the club.
But the candidates put on long faces
and complained that they had lost their
jobs because it was impossible to get
any news out OF the administration They
explained that they had read in Presi-
dent Wilson's The New Freedom" the
eloquent utterance:
he processes Of politics They have been too secret
90 complicated. too roundabout; they have con-
listed too much Of private conferences and secret
Surely said some one, you got
,lenty of news after that2''
mot much" was the sad reply,
Secretary Daniels at once issued an or
Ter directing that all information for the
,ress in the Navy Department be sub
nitted to him before being given outr'
When the candidates had given
-arious things as collateral they were
applied with plenty of money and thus
we're enabled to get into the club. When
verybody had gone. the impersonation
If Sulzer climbed upon the ladder, seized