South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-10-06
BY r.. L. GOLDBERG.

After you have smeared yourself
over Europe and become immune TO
all the thrills excited by painting.
architecture and English coffee, there
comes TO your mind a vague picture
of a mound of earth known to a few
theatrical press agents and tire vul-
caniZers in America.
Strange thoughts come into your
brain from nowhere While you are
gazing absently into the face of Lord
Nelson and Trafalgar squire a little
imp jumps upon your left shoulder
and whispers in your ear, II wonder
how all the boys are back in New
York;"
While you are trying to determine
whether the color of a certain bar
maids hair is the result of the great
progress in the science of chemistry,
this same little imp jumps upon your
right shoulder and whispers in the
corresponding ear: Il wonder how
it feels to sit in a cafe where men
dc not wear wrist watches or carry
their handkerchiefs in their sleeves.
You are cured.
The virus is working. AS soon as
the whisperings begin to be a regular
thing you might as we'll give up the
struggle. You are already on your
way home.
just the Opposite.
l heard the wee small voices in
Carlsbad. L went into an office with
a lot of gold lettering on the win
dOws, which assured me the people
inside wore business suits and had
everything else that represents years
of business prosperity.
| booked passage on the Lusitania
with a room all to myself on deck
b, sailing from Liverpool The man
60 -
com munication with all the steam
ship lines and knew everything about
everything We wore tortise-shell-
trimmed glasses, so L knew he was not
Boosting.
When l got to Liverpool ] discov-
cred my room v as not a single room.
Besides it was on deck A. I was
booked to cross the ocean with
total stranger Also the name of the
boat was the Caronia.
II 1 had learned that I had been
assigned to a berth on one of the
blades Of the propeller / would not
have felt peevish. l was going home
to America, where little children
speak English and men cheer when
an automobile gets away from
bicycle cop.
Can't Blame Him.
didn't look back at Liverpool
closed my eyes and painted a mental
picture of a waiter in Jacks I had
learned to love as a brother in the
years gone by. Was he still serving
them high with the foam on top?
In eight days l would know.
Meanwhile l fioated around the
boat and indexed my fellow pas
sengers.
Here was a young man with a very
o. IL fv1e
I rapidly about the deck Some one
had told him 1t is always advisable
t. wrap yourself in an atm osphere
of mystery the first day out. Turn
your hat down in back and look as
thought you are pleased with your
I own society. The girls will think you
are either interesting or insane. You
! are bound TO attract attention.
again, there is a very we'll dressed
and handsome young lady who loses
no time in telling everybody. from the
| captain to the cook, that her husband
! is a German army officer and she
/ leaves him every once in a while 10
keep him guessing. Also. she design
/ ed her own dinner ring. and drinks a
special cordial the name OF which no
4 body can pronounce.
Pretty Sights.
over there on the port side is a
youth wearing an eyelash on his lip
and a lot OF ill-ftting clothes on his
/ hack with the labels outside. He is
unloading a torrent of geographical
names ne memorized before he went
! 10 Europe upon a big-eyed spinster.
who went TO Europe TO dope out why
an Englishman consumes more marin
! alade than a Turk
/ Dashing madly all over the boat are
] two thin young things with white
! Tam o. Shanters and white shoes and
/ white faces. showing bv their every
move that they hate TO have anybody
/ overlook the fact thai they have
/ crossed the ocean before.
A few prima donnas repose quietly
1 in their steamer chairs waiting TO be
/ discovered.
| When / went TO my state room TO
retire l found my companion already
| in his berth. He looked me over TO
make sure he could lick me, turned
| over and went TO sleep. The steward