davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
HOW TO PREVENT
ACID STOMACHS AND
FOOD FERMENTATION
By a stomach Specialist.

AS a specialist who has spent many
years in the study and treatment of
stomach troubles I have been forced
to the conclusion that most people
who complain of stomach trouble pos
sess stomachs that are absolutely
healthy and normal The real trou-
BILE, that which causes all the pain
and difficulty. is acid in the stomach.
usually due to, or aggravated by, food
fermentation. Acid irritates the deli
cate lining OF the stomach and food
fermentation causes wind which dis
tends the stomach abnormally; caus-
ing that full bloated feeling. Thus
both acid and fermentation interfere
with and retard the process of diges-
ton. The stomach is usually healthy
and normal, but irritated almost past
endurance by these foreign elements
acid and wind. In all such cases
and they comprise over 80 per cent of
all stomach charlottesville first and
only step necessary is to neutralize
the acid and stop the fermentation by
taking in a little warm or cold water
Immediately after eating, half a tea
spoonful of bisurated magnesia, which
is doubtless the best and only really
effective antacid and food corrective
known. The acid will be neutralized
and the fermentation stopped almost
instantly, and your stomach will at
once proceed to digest the food in a
healthy, normal manner. Be sure to
ask your chemist for the bisurated
magnesia. as I have found other forms
utterly lacking in its peculiarly val
ia Bile prOperties-F ]. G.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
Daysey Mayme and Her Folks
By FRANCES L. GARSIDE

I
THE reading matter which comes
| into mans home is supposed to
be for elevating, enlightening or
entertaining purposes. and when a
man subscribes to no more reading
than is found in his daily paper the
people look with pity at his family
On his miserliness they blame the
failure of the family to know the
latest uses for radium, the results OF
scientific intensive farming when APP
piled to beans. and why Geraldine
left her husband to fly TO the strong
protecting arms of her lover.
Lysander John Appleton subscribed
to all the magazines. but, alas. the
writer's who exercised their gray
| matter for so much per hour. or col
umn. little know to what unhappy
ends their good intentions were per-
verted
library table, his wife on the other.
each with a magazine in hand, IT
made a pretty picture for those who
claim that this Is nation of reading.
thinking, progressive families. But
alas. and some more aliases. the crow
bar of knowledge has become spear.
Each reads. but not for self-en-
lightenment Each reads to find a
means for attacking the other. 1t is
custom in our very best families.
II see," said Mrs Appleton, that
statistics show that women, by the
superiority of brain and Judgment.
are supplanting men at rate of
200 day. You men will have to
learn homework. for there won't be
any jobs for you on the outside"
"Humphm derisively, from the other
side
IAN able writer in this magazine"
from Lysander John few minutes
later, proves there is nothing in the
theory that the lure of daub of
rouge and a fluff of chiffon will win
a man from the woman who can make
good onion soup. He gives figures to
show we have been maligned."
Mrs. Appleton shifted. Then she
shifted again. this time so violently
the sniff became a snort.
Il KNOW the men, in tones Of
contempt. "A man likes good cook
before dinner. but after he has eaten
his onion soup he doesn't want the
hard working woman who made 1t to
|
uncurled by the steam of cooking, her
eyes red from skinning the onions and
the odor of onions in her clothes.
NO snorting like a. freight en-
CINE pulling heavy load up hill. he
wants some light, fluffy creature. with
the rouge and tho chiffon, who can't
tell an egg beater from rock crush
er, and who doesn't know if onions
are to be served with catsup or cooked
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
f<r GOT swell set of Mark Twain
last week." said the Manicure

RI GOT a swell set of Mark Twain
last week" said the Manicure
Lady.
set Of what?" asked the Head Bar
Der
Mark Twain" said the Manicure
Lady. You poor simp. don't you
know who Mark Twain is?"
NO" admitted the Head Barber.
You ought to be ashamed to admit
it," said the Manicure Lady. Why,
George. I thought everybody knew
about Mark Twain. and oliver. Dickens
and Marie Coreln and all them grand
authorities If thought I would ever
get as old as you and be as dumb,
would get sick abed right away and
stay there till the final summons had
the greatest American funny man and
sad man combined, 1t said in the cir
cular. / haven't read none of his stor
| les yet, because the set just came and
shows the last week. but as soon as
have saw a few more of the latest
plays am going to stay home nights
and read this set right from one end to
the other
What did he write about?" asked
the Head Barber. not In the least
ashamed Of his ignorance.
What didn't he write about%' re-
torted the Manicure Lady. He wrote
about lot Of things. George. As l
just told you, I amt had a chance to
read any OF 1t yet. but I am going to
as soon as / get settled down. Then
will let you take any of the books you
want, and maybe after you have read
! them you won't be so dense"
II don't see that you've got any
| thing on me-" declared the Head Bar
| her You can't tell me a single thing
/ that the man wrote, and you nearly
| have a fit when you find out that I
don't know any more than you do
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
g 4 Clock That Talks g

and when he left home for the links
at 10 1t could below after him such
useful admonitions as Keep your eye
on the baly' Never UP, never in or
some other valuable hints adapted to
his special failings.
last suggestion is for the benefit
of gentlemen who are often kept at
the office In the evenings and return
in the chilly hours of dawn. "One.
two, three, four.'' would shrek the
clock In shrill. feminine tones. What
do you mean by coming home at this
hour, you rascal?"
OF course, it is clear that these
clocks would require to be either
armor plated or built into the wall, In
addition to being heavily insured.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
have SO much hair growing my head don't have
to buy any,
BY MAUDE MILLER

ment- A rotary movement to
loosen the scalp and to call up
blood 10 feed the hair roots is
very effective.
These are my weekly meas
ures. and ! have daily ones, too.
i brush my hair night and morn
ing for five minutes Long, even
strokes with a deep bristled brush
are best. Give the wrist little
inward twist. so the bristles will
go through the hair and stimu-
late the scalp.
so much for hair. This is the
may care for my face: / find a
good astringent to close the pores
OF my skin, and good massage
cream. and / rely on these, and do
not keep changing to try some
thing new.
At NIGHT
AT night / wash my face in
hot water many times, add a
little cold water to stimulate and
then rub in the massage cream
In the morning I dash cold water
on my face to start the circula-
ton. put on the astringent SO
dust won't sink into the pores,
and then try to leave my face
alone--to breathe and rest.
Il keep my weight down by
eating only two meals a day. 1
take those at regular hours, IL
and 6. Twice week / put two
pounds OF epson salts in my
bath. / stay In the salt water,
which Is as hot as / can stand ii,
20 minutes. Then / take a cold
shower, and little rest follows.
II am active, for the one sure
way to put on flesh is to be lam
guild and to. eat great deal. A
woman. like an athlete. must
have exercise to keep her in con-
dition. often you feel numb from
lack of circulation after day of
no exercise. n
Keep the blood in circulation.
guess that sums up my idea of
beauty
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
The Manicure Lady
By WILLIAM F. KIRK

What time did he live and in what
country. if you are so acute?"
Il believe he was an Englishman,
said the Manicure Lady airily. Near
ly all of them great authorities was
English. like oliver Dickens and
Charles Goldsmith. and this Mister
Twain. He wrote all these books
that have in this new set about the
same time that Mister Shakespeare
wrote his plays. l suppose the rea-
son there was so many great writer's
then was because they all chummed
together Mister Twain would take
lunch with Mister Shakespeare and
tell him all he knew. and then
Shakespeare would go somewhere
with Twain and give him some point
ers. That way they could help one
another. The reason Brother Wilfred
can't get no greater as a writer Is
because he is kind Of alone in litera-
ture now and can't find no master
minds to associate with"
Mark Twain didn't live when
Shakespeare did, said the barber at
the second chair. HE wasn't an
Englishman. either. He was an
American. No Englishman could
have written Twain's humorous
stories. And he died within the last
few years. Shakespeare has been
dead two centuries or So
Il don't know who asked you to
horn in" said the Manicure Lady,
freezingly. Me and George was
talking about something that you
Amt supposed to know nothing
about. All the literature you ever
read is the form sheets and tho tips
TO bettors. After this when me and
George is discussing art or literature
don't want no flap cared wop like
you trying to disturb the chain OF our
thoughts. Let that filter through
your bean, Tony, and don't declare
yourself in no more"
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09

An invention with rather terrifying
possibilities has just sprung from the
brain of = provincial clock maker.
There Is nothing very strange in 1t at
the first thought. but after thinking
over the uses to which 1t could be
put 1t Is easy to imagine terrible
state of affairs In the world quite a
short time after Its introduction.
The invention is that of q gramo-
phone clock. Instead of striking the
hours like an ordinary timepiece, this
particular clock announces the time
in loud, impressive tones To avoid
any chance of INTERPRETATION on
the part OF Its hearers, the clock does
not say merely. Three o'clock" for
example; 1t says. One, two, three"
In tones which are sufficient to make
tho listener believe that 1t il actually
glazing at him.
So far so we'll If the clock con-
fines itself to calling out the hour
no great harm will result. but sup
pose the advertiser gets the idea Of
spreading knowledge OF his wares by
its aid. then we shall probably hear
Trinity. in ear splitting bass, an
nouncing One. two. three" and then
remarking that somebody's pills cure
biliousness.
Then again the invention would be
of the greatest use to an Indifferent
golfer with untidy habits in the home
and with an inclination to late rising.
At o'clock the record might be pre-
pared so az to remind him that 1t is
the early bird which catches the
worm" At o'clock 1t might cum
ningly point out that there were ash
trays provided for his cigarette ends,
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09

requires to be continually fed on nat
terry of warmer and more piquant
kind than any domestic brand. II
seems a pity to him to waste so much
charms on any one woman, and that
one a mere wife, so he roams abroad
to give other women a chance FOR tc
see and admire" him.
An instructive sense of self-protec-
ton makes women choose homely men
as husbands. They may like to feast
their eyes occasionally upon mat
inee hero. but when they go home
they want something more than a
living picture in the. house. They
want a man. and II he's intelligent
and good. and kind, and generous
they don't care 3 button about his
looks
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
UP TO DATE Jokes

A commercial traveller had taken
a large order in the north for a con-
signment of hardware and endeavored
to press upon the canny Scottish
manager who had given the order a
box of Havana cigars.
Nav" he replied. Don't try to
bride man. / couldna tax them
as am member of the kirk"
But will you accept them as a
present?"
Il couldna," said the Scot.
Well, Them said the traveller,
suppose I sell you the cigars for a
merely nominal sum-say. sixpence? %
''Weel. in that case" replied the
Scot, .ssince you press me and no.
liking to refuse an offer weel meant.
think I'll take two boxes"
He came home in the small hours
of the morning. and his loving
spouse confronted him with wrath in
her eye and a telegram in her hand,
saying:
Here is news that has been wait
ing for you since suppertime.'
He blinked, looked wise, and braced
up against the hatrack. felt through
his pockets. murmuring:
Il left my glasses in town.
Yes she replied, with scathing
irony: but you brought the contents
with you
X
In suburban electorate the candi-
date was being raucously hecked, and,
though an amiable man, as a rule, he
was provoked to the suggestion that
the conduct OF one man In the meet
ing at least was asinine.
IF I'm an ass" roared the inter-
jector. there's two of us here. Ha!
hal"
I've noticed YOU" said the candi-
date. quietly. 1--WE heard you bray
but / don't see your friend"
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
e The =
Head Waitress
She Hears of Scheme to Penetrate
the Icy Heart of the Cashier
By HANK

by k1A1Nh
<<vvyELL, I've been trying to think
w out some scheme to get Marie
to forgive me- said the Steady
Customer TO the Head Waitress in the
Cafe d'Enfant. IT'S very depressing
to come in here and have as pretty
cashier as she is look coldly over my
head. especially as 1 never had any
thing but the kindest thoughts about
her"
You had no business to accuse her
of being dippy over a mounted cop,
said the Head Waitress, "just because
she happened TO pose leaning against
one of the police horses. I under
stand her steady TELLER, Jimmy Ball.
Is sore about it. too" /
Jimmy Bau.'' echoed the Steady
Customer. Who's hep"
He's a fine chap" said the Head
Waitress. He's secretary OF the
Streetcar club. or something like that.
Eddie MacPhane was telling me about
him. Eddie's In the Corporate Con-
surs office, and he knows everybody.
But what's your scheme TO make up
with Marie?"
Il have written her a touching
poem" said the Steady Customer.
TT will have to be some TOUGHER to
square things between her and you"
said the Head Waitress.
TT is" replied the Steady Customer.
"Tll read it to you.
THE world is dark and dreary
Because I miss your smile,
And life is very weary
I'm grieving all the while;
! didn't mean to hurt YOU
BY what l said or done,
But only to divert you
And have little rum
l hope 1 am forgiven,
Because, twixt you and me,
My heart is deeply riven,
| My pretty friend, Marie"
That is certainly some sob stun"
said the Head Waitress. IF 1 was
girl I'd forgive you anything 1t
must be grand to be able TO write
PONIES like that"
Yes, it is quite some art" said
the Steady Customer. loftily. II hope
Marie appreciates it."
Il guess she will" replied the Head
Waitress, but IL she ever shows it
to Jimmy Bail he'll knock your block
off,
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09

wife of a handsome man make any
hit with her.
II there's going to be any Beauty
and the Beast business in her family
she wants to qualify for the role of
Beauty. That's the reason that you
often see a pretty woman marry a
grotesquely ugly man, but very rarely
handsome man married to a homely
woman.
WOMEN DO NOT CARE TO CATER
TO CAPRICES OF VAIN MAN
Another reason why women do not
care for a superabundance of good
looks in man Is because a hand
some man is invariably Unfortunately
vain, with the vanity that makes the
vainest woman seem humble and self
Idsprscattne. He has vanity that
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09

THE CALLS HOTEL AND RESORT Blu
REAU furnishes folders and full information
free regarding this hotel. First floor. Call
building
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
:: Advice to the Lovelorn ::
YOU MUST FORGET HIM
)EAP MICS FATRFAy.

DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
| have known a young man for
about one year and he has told me
he loves me. This young man
when he was out with me last
promised to call and failed to do
So / love this young man dearly,
but would like to know how can
win his love entirely.
/ know he goes out with other
young ladies', and when with me
he calls me all pet names. Can you
help me out In this matter, as /
am wild about him?
PERPLExED.
I am afraid he has been flirting with
you. The fact that he calls you pet
names signifies nothing If he really
loved you, he wouldn't care to go with
other girls and he would not neglect
an appointment with you.
He bears all the earmarks OF fiirt,
and. believe me. my dear, girl is the
gamer by losing such an admirer.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09

In syrup. Oh, you can't tell me any
thing, tell you KNOW THE MEN.
And here she snorted so violently
her corset strings burst, and when a
woman bursts her corset strings she
has reached the climax of indigna-
ton
This perversion of the crowbar of
knowledge into a spear has become
custom in our very. best families
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
WHY NOT REcIpRocArEr

DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
Ny friend and are members of
social club of which each fellow
Except my friend and y has
lady friend. In order to enjoy
ourselves we must encroach upon
the hospitality OF the ladies pres
ent. OF course we do not like to
do this and we wish to resign
from the club against the wishes
of the other members. Do you
think we are doing right in re-
signing?
FRANK.
If you are in debt socially to these
ladies, you must not resign. On the
contrary, you must remain in the club
until at least you have had your turn
at entertaining. 1t would be very
pleasing return for their hospitality
for you and your friend to give the
alter party to all Of the ladies in a
bunch.
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09

<<vvYELL, I've been trying to think
w out some scheme to get Marie
to forgive me- said the Steady
The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1913-10-09
<<rHE prettiest chorus girl in

<<-HE prettiest chorus girl in
America" is a proud title.
Estelle Richmond wears 1t
with an indebtedness that is
just as attractive as her wonder
full brown eyes and the massed
glory of her dusky hair.
Miss Richmond brings glowing
beauty to her portrayal of The
rese," while tuneful Adele" Tits
its way through your mind up at
the Longacre theater. And to an
undecorated managerial office
Miss Richmond brings beauty
that is worth careful study.
A tiny black velvet hat
crowned her shapely head. A
green suit with touches of soft
brown marten brought out every
note of brunette beauty And I
rejoice to remark that through
the generosity OF the interviewed
the interviewer is in a position to
tell you just how she does it.
Hark you:
SIMPLE RULES
Every woman wants to know
about the browning glory. Well,
I follow a simple method and I
have SO much hair growing on
my head that am saved the
expense of buying anyw said Miss
Richmond.
Il use vaseline to make my eye
lashes and eyebrows grow plenti-
fully. I apply II with the tip of
my little finger every night--tal-
ing care. OF course, not to treat
my eyes to any of the grower"
''vaseline is true friend to the
hair. / apply 1t to my scalp every
other week. giving my scalp
thorough massage so the hair
roots will take up the tiny bit of
the oil these can absorb. Then I
shampoo my hair. The roots are
fed-and the hair must not be
oily lest it take dust to itself and
SO clog the hair cells.
The week between shampos l
give my hair dry massage treat.
Smyrna times., 1913-02-12
SAHARA AS FACTORY CENTER.
Plan to Use Suns Heat For Power
Practicable, Says j. Ashley Cooper.

London. - UtiliZa ton of the Sahara
desert as a center of industrial prOduc-
tion is the suggestion made by ]. Ashley
Cooper.
1t had almost been accepted as a tru-
ism. he says. that our coal supplies
were giving out, but the Sahara desert
received an amOut of solar heat every
day equivalent to that produced by
6.OO0OO0,000 tons of coal
In this arid region, with the great
supplies Of products available from the
wonderful forest lands nearer to the
coast and the country traversed by
a network of railways. thoughtful sci
entitic men say that if some ecOnOmi-
cal method could be found to use this
lost solar energy-Such, for instance
as the scheme which was on trial neal
CairO-there was no reason why the
dreams should not be realized of these
who saw great districts of the world
now arid and useless on account of the
intense heat. given up to the factories
of the future. These would be OF
enormous extent. with glass chambers
instead of chimneys and relectOrs in
stead of furnaces. all designed to re
ceive and transmit the daily gift OF
the suns heat.
Smyrna times., 1913-02-12
WALES A "H0OT MON"
Prince Practices on 5agpipes For Chest
Expansion.

Prince Practices on 5agpipes For Chest
Expansion.
London.-The Prince of Wales was
ordered to practice the Scotch bagpipes
as means of expanding his chest,
which is below the normal for his age
and height. The statement that he
adopted this weird instrument because
of inclination was a polite invention.
The captain of the Scots guards
pipers goes to Oxford once a week
to give the prince a lesson. Owing to
the extraordinary and terrifying noises
made by the learner the college au-
thorities are bestirring themselves to
find a sound proof room for the heir
apparent to the throne. His lessons
disturb the whole college.
Certain irresponsible undergrads got
up a band of pipers provided with six
penny toy pipes. with which they pa
raded the quadrangle, but they were
promptly suppressed
Smyrna times., 1913-02-12
Raises Glue Apples.

Chicago A. C. Wilmarth brought
crate of blue apples to Chicago from
his farm near Mountain Grove. Mo
He said he filled the hollow of the tree
that grew them with concrete The
result was a tree of blue apples, the
first of the kind ever raised, according
30 the owner.
Smyrna times., 1913-02-12
WALL PAPER CLEANED

You fully realize that Wall
Paper soils readily, and prob
ably you are now contemplate
ing having your home re-pap-
cred. If such is the case, give
me the opportunity to prove to
your entire satisfaction, that l
can Clean your Paper with
my process and make the same
look nearly as good as new,
thereby, not only improving its
appearance but being economi-
cal as well.
Smyrna times., 1913-02-12

For Coughs. Grip. Group.
Catarrh, Quick Consumption,
Typhoid and contagious dis
eases, BRAZILIAN B A L M
never failed or lost a case, as it
KILLS THE GERMS-l0c, ,25c,
Soc and 81 0O.-At your Drug
gists.
Smyrna times., 1913-02-12
NJ Office.

NJ Office.
IN Notice is hereby given that we, John W.
Clifton and Howard r. Jones, trading as Cliff
ton & Jones, of the town of Smyrna, in Kent
County and the State of Delaware, intend
to make application to the Court of General Ses-
sions of the State of Delaware, in and for
Kent County on Monday, the seventeenth day
of February, A. D. 1913, then to be holden at
Dover. for license to sell spiriluous liquors
as Druggists in quantities not greater than one
quart, upon the written order or prescrip ion of
regular practicng physician, at the house or
place of business situated in the United School
districts Nos 3. Il, > and lO7. in Kent County
aforesaid and located on the OrthweS corner of
Main and Commerce streets. in the town Of
Smyrna aforesaid and the names of the re-
spectacle citizens tat least one half of whom are
substantial freehOlderS) recommending our said
application are;
T. Dwight, NJ. D. G. B. Raymond,
II. C. TschUdy, David I. ~mlth"rs,
H. p Hall W. v Mes>ick, NJ, ID.
j. C. StOckly, l.. l.. Arts, NJ. ID.
J. II 5 eakman, VIM. Geo. Hill.
John f Starting j. d. Wilds,
CLIFTON & JONES
Smyrna, Del Jan. 21, 1913.