The herald., 1913-01-30
Wife No J
BY M. QUAD
Copyright. 1912. by Associated Lit
erary Press.

No; hadn't heard about Joe Tay.
iors COW getting mired in the buckle
berry swamp" replied Uncle Abner
Shorts as some one in the crowd at
the postOtfice put the question. but
I've heard Sadder news that that to-
day-yes, good deal sadder. Is it
that any one we all know is dead:
No, but perhaps it was better for him
If he was dead. | don't want to keep
you in suspense, and ! will therefore
say that George Green got married to
day for the second time
81 hain't looking for anybody to he
shocked dead at the news. 1t has Jest
set me 10 thinking and aroused n heap
of recollections. You all know that
lost my wife three years ago, and aft
er year | married again and am now
living with No. .. | reckon its also
purity well known that No. . bosses
the roost.
There was folks in this village. gen
tlemen, who said that Id grieve my
self TO death over my loss, ana there
were others who said Id he shopping
around after No. within a year. AZ
for me, felt that was wasting
away and was powerfully surprised
one day to find myself eating heartily
of boiled dinner. From that time
began to pick up, but for months after
ward | had no more thoughts of mar
rVinU au'in than I animal CnnJbaort bp,
of putting his foot ag'in a hot stove
1t seemed To me that the man who lost
such an angel of a wife as | had de
served to be shot for thinking of mar
rying ag'in.
Jest when the idea hit me that I'd
better look around little for another
woman can't say. think it was after
I'd cooked my own meals, made my
own bed. sewed on my own buttons
and washed my own shirts for seven
or eight months. Then the feeling
stole over me that there was room in
the house for another Ii sOrter skeer-
ed me at first, but I'm saying that it's
a feeling you can get used TO in day
or two. AS soon as | began to won
der if | really ought To marry ag'in !
found myself advancing a dozen rea
sons why i should.
well. it hain't no secret that look
ed around and found the Wilder Glenn
She might have been looking around
at the same time, but I'm not going to
say that such is the case. At first il
was a question with me whether Il
widower could love for the second
time. Within week after | had hit
the widder's trail that question was
settled in the affirmative. | found my
self Il heap more in love than on the
first occasion. All of you was kind
enough to say that | made a burned
fool OF myself, and. though | couldn't
see it then. I'm admitting most of 1t
now.
Gentlemen. | was two long months
hesitating over asking the wilder to
be mine. and yet the rest OF you was
saying that she'd jump at the chance.
Mebbe you was right. | know that
when finally managed to get up the
courage hadn't hardly got my mouth
open before she says yes.
And now comes the real pint. I'd
been boss of the house, same as all of
you are boss of yours. Wasn't ii nat
eraI for me to keep right on bossing?
Had the thought of surrendering the
reins Of government occurred to me?
Is q man and a husband to be treated
like a child or slave? At the first
gooff her bossing was a novelty, and
| rather liked it and encouraged it. !
was still in love, you see. After about
a month the novelty wore off. and |
began to assert myself. took the
bossing business into my own hands.
What follered? Why. that wife got
right up on her hind legs and made
the air blue for forty rods around. She
got out ten words to my one. When
l took her by the ear to sit her down
and hush her up she lit into my hair
and pulled 1t out by handfuls.
Gentlemen. who bosses the roost?
Mrs. Shorts.
"Who handles the cashf Mrs. Shorts!
"Who tells me when / can go and
when shall come? Mrs. Shorts.
"Who gives me liberty to draw my
breath? Mrs. Shorts.
I'm only telling you what you ell
know and what is the gossip of the
town. She made up her mind when
she became No. that she'd be the
boss, and she's carried it out. That's
the way with all No. 2's. No. ] knuck-
les down and lets you do the bossing
and thinks it's all right, but No. is
no such chicken. She intended to get
the whip hand when she married you.
and she's going to keep it or raise such
a row that you'll wish you was in
your grave.
Understand, gentlemen. that I'm
saying nothing agin Mrs. Shorts.
She's finer'n silk. o Lord, but such
picked peaches as she does put up!
And apple sass-it makes you grin
from your neck to your heels. Just
one Of the incest women in the coun-
try. and j hope that she'll outlive me
by twenty years. but l have had to use
her as an illustration. She married
me TO be boss. and she is boss, same |
as all the other No. rs. l hain't ex
actly saying that the man who loses !
No. / shouldn't look for a No. 2. but !
I'm saying that IL he does he ought |
to know what's coming to him and |
what he'll be sure to get I've fit agin |
n and ft and fit but IFS no 90 To