Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1913-06-05


new cook.
The fact that duty on castor oil has
been reduced, will be hailed with par
ticular delight by every kid in Audi
bon county.
The man who owns an Audubon
county farm can snap his finger at the
hen that has been in cold storage for
four months.
Dogs have moro sense than some Au-
dubon people we know of because they
will bury boue when they get tired
chewing on it.
The homeless dogs of Audubon will
probably howl at the announcement
made lately that two billion tin cans
are made each year.
They say there is a reason for every
thing in this world, but we would like
to know the reason for putting "g' on
the front end of gnat.
Somebody has discovered red dan
delion which is said to be- more adapted
to lawn decorative purposes than the
common or Audubon variety.
A number of Audubon girls like to
keep posted on the new dances, but you
can t interest them in the dish rag, or
the carpet sweep or the wash tub dip.
We are now informed that the doctors
knew how to operate for appendicitis
in the middle ages, which shows that
life then was as insecure as it is today.
They are still using until death do
us part" in the marriage ceremony.
Why not add the words, ''or an affinity,
after the word death, and bring it up
to date.
We would hate to have the sort of
religion that would make US imagine
that only the miserable were saved and
that those who lived and laughed and
loved were damned.
That baby show to be judged by doc
tors on other points than curls and
cuteness, will at least give the fond
mothers chance to enquire, what do
doctors know about babies, anyway
Mr. Roosevelt bears out the old qua
tra;p xvb;.b 6aclara that
A man may drink and not be drunk
A man may fight and not be slain
A man may kiss pretty maid .
And still be welcome back again.
Don't imagine that the girls have a
corner on putting on dog. Watch an
Audubon boy when he is wearing a
swell pair of silk socks. If his knee
caps were not in the way there's no
telling how high he would hoist his
pants.
A st. Louis man dropped dead while
starting the kitchen fire. This should
he warning to all wives. An Audubon
man recently fell down stairs while
doing the family washing and was laid
up for a month This should be a
warning to all husbands.
In various places they are showing
pictures of how the stomach works
when in active service. This is no
doubt very interesting but the majority
of the people of Audubon are more in
terested in feeling how the stomach
works in active service.
A party at Manning the other night
spent an hour in the saloon telling the
barkeeper all about the Rights of
Man, Freedom and Personal Liberty"
When he got through indignating he
ate handful of coffee beans so his wife
wouldn't know he had been drinking
beer
An Audubon farmer in great need of
extra help asked an Audubon loafor if
he could help him out What will
you payH" I'm pay you what you are
worth" answered the farmer. The
loafer scratched his head minute,
then announced decisively; IN be
burned if I'll work fer that"
Old Mr.. Parr, he bought car, and
said: IN travel slowly; these cranks
for speed are fools indeed; their con-
duct is unholy." With care he went
nor cared cent in frantic, speed to
revel, and people said the old mans
head was noticeably level. For quite
a week old Parr was meek and slow
and mighty cautious, and then he said:
Wen push ahead a bit or folks will
josh us" But careful still he ran
down hill and courted no disaster for
one week more, and then he tore along |
little faster. A month was gone.
$50 help me John" old Parr was sadly
II don't like speed-I don't
indeed but we are merely crawlingl /
didn' get this car TO fret along like
this, dod CAST usl So let her rip along
this trip-the snails are whizzing past
usr' He woke in bed with bandaged
head, and docs and nurses handy, and
ere he died he sweetly sighed; THAT
auto is dandy"