The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-07-27

'esse ueatn FRANK gave himself up ]
the James boys" will soon be ended
.s..s.s......s.s........... ..............""."...
that would skeer a child. Lots of us are
afraid of the dark, just because when we
was kids some fool got us scared of the
dark. There amt any dark-it's Just a
absence of light, for when light is
taken out of room there amt nothing
comes in there or goes out of it that
wasn't there before. Nothing is different
in the dark from what it was in the light.
person that would skeer a baby with
these fool fictions ought to be kicked to
death by a Jack-ass, and I'd like to do
the kicking.
when 1 was first appointed Deputy
Sheriff reckon 1 was toleratbul raw, but
! lined out to do my duty if it took a leg
Well, there was a bad citizen named
Boggs that threatened my life. Heap of
times 1 couldn't go to sleep thinking of
that Boggs fellow plugging me in the
back. One day Boggs caught me eating
my lunch by roadside spring. There II
was all spraddled out, eating like a house
afire, and no gun or other weepun in a
mile of me- Boggs was gazing steadily
at me, and pulling on his hip pocket with
out saying a word. / calculated that |
was a gone-er for sure. When Boogs fin
ally heaved the wee pun out of his hip
pocket it was flask of corn-whisky, and
he wanted me to take a drink Never
tasted better whiskey in my life He said
he had threatened me when he was drunk,
md never meant it, and he hereby NOM
mated me as the grandest and finest man
in America?
Il climbed on my mule leaving Boggs
praising me to the skies, and ain't never
INDUCED in no fears of fellows that
threatened me since then. The things
g.
in fair faces which rob the step of its
spring and takes all the joy out of life
are misfortunes that never git here, and
troubles that never come. Any man can
quit the bad habit of expecting disaster
if he will Just buckle to it in his mind,
and force his mind to whistle when the
aforesaid mind is fixing to cry. A fellow
can quit worrying Just as he can quit
tobacco, or whskey, or the coca-cola
habit
"Of course, to do this a person must be
constantly on the watch to keep the first
little thoughts of worry from sneaking
in and bringing more and bigger ones.
For instance, if you sorter begin to feel
blue about the edges and find your mind
wanting to think about hell, death and
the Grave-just make it pause awhile, andI
reflect on the bully time you had with
the boys last Sad-dy night and the ge-
willikens feelings you had when you first
hugged your sweetheart among the honey
suckles on the front porch last Summer
My old Daddy was awfully afraid of
heart t-disease and Cyclones. Oftentimes
at night after he had eaten a hearty sup
per and chewed too much tobacco during
the day he'd wake up at night fancying
that his heart was about to stop. When
ever cloud would come up that old
Gentleman would gaze anxiously at the
clouds and walk the floor in a strain,
fearing that the house would be blown
away. Fifty years and more he suffered
tortures from these two fears and yet at
the ripe age of Sc he fell asleep to wake
in the land where neither fears or cy
clones ever come. He had suffered half
century of fears for nothing.
1.-THE grand Central Telephone office of
all our fears is centered in the fear of
death. This is just as foolish as the en-
tire caboodle of all the other fears. Just
recollect that you won't know you are
dead How can you be afraid of a thing
when you don't know that it is happen
ing? We think of ourselves as alive, and
aware of the fact that we are shut up in
a tomb, and the worms are chawing on
us. Why you are as badly mistaken as if
you had burnt your shirt? When you are
dead you won't any more know it than
nothing, and you won't care any more for
what becomes of your body than you will
raise a roar about what the barber does
with your hair when he cuts it in the bar
bershop.
II am of the general opinion that worry
kills more people than whiskey, and 1
wish the next Legislature would pass a
law against it. OF course laws wont stop
1t, but the Idiots who usually infest a
Legislature don't know that.
"There was young gal over on Pecker-
wood what had a imagination like one of
these here Bertha Clay novels. She was
big. husky damsel, about is years old,
and the mules belonging to half the boys
in the settlement was alters hitched to the
front fence on Sunday while them lads
courted her by main strength and awlx-
wardness. one Monday morning this
here Mandy McGoffn gal was a sitting in
a rockin chair nursing the latest baby
of the McGoffin household Over her
head hung ham of meat from the jost.
tied up there with leather string. Sud
denly that gal quit her rocking and be-
gun to below and blubber to beat the
band. Her Nav and Paw rushed in, but
she roared the louder and tears as big
as hoss apples coursed down her fat
cheeks. Finally when they sent off and
got the Doctor she sorter subsided, and
Dock he wormed out of her the reason
for this here riot. She said she was Just
a sitting there thinking that If she was to
keep on growing and grow up and be a
young lady ana one or the boys was to
court her, and they should get married,
and then if she had boy baby and was
to be setting there in a rockin' chair and
was to be a~roclting and a nursing of that
infant, and that there string to the ham
of meat up there on the joist was to
break, and that ham was to fall on that
boy baby, and kill him-how sad that
would be, boo-hoo!'
Rich Man Works for $12 Week
Paris, July 19.-(SpeciaL Follower
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