Daily Kennebec journal., 1913-09-26
Let U. Laugh a Bit.

is your daughter going to practise
on the piano this afternoon? -
Yes, | think so.
We'll, then, I'd like to borrow your
lawn mower. I've got to cut the
grass some time, anyway. .-Magazine
of Fun.
Look a here, porter" said an irate
man. sticking his head out of an upper
berth on Pullman. you've brought
me one tan shoe and one black ole.
well, rs gettin' mighty ea'less all
right" remarked the porter with
puzzled air; that's the second time
that's happened this mornin.
Baby had been displayed in his best
bib and tucker to a number of admir-
ing callers. The last one looked him
over and was trying to think of some
thing nice to say Finally she remark
ed: Dear me, how much he looks like
his father!"
Its enly the warm weather" re-
piled his mother somewhat testify
The child is usually right cheerful
and handsome
At certain railway junction the
train divides, one portion going to Ed
inburg, the other to Glasgow. The
guard put his head in at one OF the
carriage windows and asked: All here
for Edinburgh" All replied in the al
firmative except one old woman, who
after the train has started remarked
4. IL . trl
mysel', but I wasna g9in to tell yon
inquisitive deeyil."
A very small man-not only Small as
to stature, but lacking in width of
beam-sat in a street car until he De
came tightly wedged in from poth
Sides Then there entered the ear
large handsome woman. upholstered TO
the Minute. She took the strap in
front of the small man and was hang
ing to it in discomfort when the small
man arose with flourish of politeness
and touched her on the arm
Take my seat, madam, he SAID
with a bow and smile.
"Oh, thank you very much, she re-
piled, and turned toward the seat.
Then smiling genially again, she
asked:
'sWhere did you get up from =
Can't. McTWeed Scotchman 10
the backbone, and, moreover dis
tinguished officer in distinguished
Highland regiment, had an unbound
ed admiration fer his countrymen,
and never lost an opportunity of ex-
toIlng their virtues.
One evening at mess he was en-
tertaining several guests. and at the
conclusion of the meal he hap
pened to notice a magnificent speci-
men of a piper. clad in full Highland
costume, standing by the doorway.
Wishing to draw attention to the
mans splendid proportions, he
stopped, and
From what part of Scotland do YOU
Gomez" he inquired.
"Tipperary, Sort, replied the man,
with a punctilious salute.-kansas
City Times
They were on the subject of girls.
Look here" exclaimed Mcfarland.
Did you ever take girl out to lunch
when she felt little faint?'
"Er-no," admitted Smith reluctant
ly.
"Wel, take my advice and don't.
One day | took Miss Jennie Westcott
into a restaurant. AT first she de-
clined to eat anything, but then she
said she believed she did feel a little
faint"
did she take anything?"
did she take anything? She seized
the menu. glanced over it, said she
didn't feel very hungary and or
dered--'
well, what did she order?"
"Oysters, bouillon, lobster, outlets
sweetbreads and peas, chicken
shrimp salad, biscuit glace, maca
rooms, coffee and creme de menthe
1t cost me So
well, you ought to be glad" said
Smith.
"Glad? What for?''
"Why, glad she wasn't hungry"