davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-12-18
FUTURE DAYS.
9ap IA AVE. NV.
~ orufnenCIu0 at o.,

4.p IN AVE. Nv.
Saturday, Commencing at $50
Including Bradbury's and several other Up
ri-ff ifams. Brass Beds Oak. Mahogany ami
Mapl. DrsSserS, Chinanic-s Dressing Tables
WardrobeS, leather Settces, Chairs and Rockers
Iariinieres and Pe,estals. Sidabosrls. Buheis
Cisiim Closets. Extension Fables. Dining Room
Chrirs Parlor Suites. Enamel Beds. Springs and
Mattresses Blankets. Pillows. Spreads Haii
Eacks CoucheS. RefriGeratorS Gas Hanges Toll
Lei Ware. crurkery and GLASSWARE. Carpets
Rugs Cash Registers. Scales. ETC, etc.
At II O'Clock am.
uss Roll and Flat Top Desks Oas and Metal
File Cabinets. Underwood and Remington
Tvpewriter< Pike Adding Machine. typewriter
DESKS and Chairs. Booskeeper's Desk Sectional
File AMI Bookcases. Law. Books. Mimeograpa ana
I-adcrw ood Duplicator. Electric Fans. Bookcases
Revolving Chairs. Iron Safes. Cornbina ton Gas
ANA Electric Fixtures. brackets, etc.
vt o'clock noon.
Overland Touring Car. Electric
Brougllalu. Auto Delivery Wagon,
Carriages. Wagons. Harness. etc.
Vt ] o'clock pm.
Watches Fs!,s. SliskninS. Brooches. Chains
,ri Miscellaneous Jewciry-
Terms cash ADAM \. WESCHI-ER. Auct.
d-1s -
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
I'd like to know"

I'd like to know
You will know all as we go along.
! Mr.. Bowser. If you are not very care
full of your emotions, you will tumble
down with apoplexy some day. And
now about the dressmaker. I shall go
after her the first thing in the morn
ing. Her prices are very reasonable,
and if they weren't it is not up to you
to kick. If you want a 81 box of ci-
gars, you order them without qualm.
1t will be 81 per day for about two
weeks, and she won't need your as
sistance with the darning needle!
ST am told that you have borrowed
a gun and are going to the country to
shoot snipe at night. In the first
place you couldn't hit barn at ten
rods off; in the next, snipe don't fly
be trotted home in the morning. If
there is any running around nights
you can run to the theater with Mrs.
Bowser. What were you going to
say?''
81 was going to say, woman" he
thickly replied as he failed his arms
about was going to say that my
name is Bowser.'
And this is my house"
tsYes.'
And 1 run things to suit myself
What right have you to come down
here and-and-"
1.-The right of the mother-in-law,
sir, and that's the best right in the
world. One more thing this evening.
You were saying you'd drop over to
the What Is 1t club for a couple of
hours Well, you won't drop. They
will miss you. and they'll be inquiring,
why is it? But let 'em inquire. Your
place is right here, and here you will
stay,
81 am going up to join Amanda
now, who is bit nervous, and If you
go to banging doors, rafting the fur
mace or stamping up and down, you'll
hear from me. You may think it a
good time to mend the water pipes,
fix a door, experiment on the gas
meter or drive nails, but let me assure
you to the contrary. These few words
this evening are only a sort of a
prologue. Tomorrow we will get down
to real business and have a thorough
understanding"
I vanished upstairs, and Mr.. Bow
ser shook his fist after me and tramp
ed around for the next ten minutes
like an angry lion. He didn't know
whether to burst out a window or
break three or four chairs, but at
last he flung himself down on the
lounge to think it all over. An hour
later his wife and L came creeping
softly downstairs. We found him
asleep, and a tear on his cheek, while
the cat occupied a nearby chair and
regarded him with looks of sorrow.
Rampageous Bowser had been quiet
ed-(Copyright, 1913, by the Asso-
ciated Literary PreSS.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
ghost.

IF you have not lost that little sense
you ever possessed" 1 said, you will
pay the driver and get my trunk up
stairs. How is Amanda
''She-she-she is welli'' he stam-
mered. I'VE didn't expect you.''
mo, probably not, but it's my little
way of dropping in when I'm not ex-
pected. Get move on your
1 was soon in the arms of my daugh-
ter, and after dinne- re took me up
to her bedroom and told me how glad
she was that had come. Mr.. Bowser
was on the rampage, and my arrival
at length discovered the following:
That he was planning to repaint the
house although it had two fresh coats
last year.
That he was intending to plant the
whole back yard to sunflowerS next
spring
That the whole front yard was to be
given up to hollyhocks.
That he was going to clean house and
be three weeks about it.
That he was going to attend an auc-
ton sale next day and buy $500 worth
of antique furniture
That he had raised a row about the
gas bill and charged his wife with hav-
ing got up at midnight and turned on
every burner in the house.
That when she had hunted up a dress
maker for 81 per day he had called it
highway robbery, and said he would
stay home and do the sewing himself
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01

And how many do you want ?" The
polite clerk was losing his temper.
''One-cent ones, don't forget" She
glowered at him over her spectacles.
why, certainly, madam. How
many?H
I'm have six cents WORTH
Here they are. Now, will you
Here, young man. I've as much
right to be here as you have, / won't
be hurried snapped the venerable
dame. Then, as she sauntered towards
the door, gratified smile Illuminated
her features.
Anyhow" she murmured, Il made
one member OF the postoffice earn his
salary"
ways in the Yukon valley are mere
trails, traversed only by dog sledges.
One of the bishops in Alaska, who
was very fond of that mode of travel.
encountered a miner coming out with
his dog team and stopped to ask him
what kind of road he had come over.
The miner responded with a stream of
forcible and picturesque profanity.
winding up with: And what kind o.
trail did you have?" Same as yours
replied the bishop feelingly.
William Dean Howells is a stout
opponent of those noveltists who, I'M
der the pretext of reforming their
readers, write books about vice
such writer's said Mr.. Howells at
a luncheon at Kittery Point, Me-, '-re-
mind me of a lad whose mother said
to him:
50 Why. Johnny, I do believe you're
teaching that parrot to sweari"
" No. I'm not, mother the boy re-
piled; I'm just telling it what it
mustn't say"
The head of a family, who thought TO
save some of his hard-earned dollars BY
trying out simple home remedies when
one of his household became i'll, came in
arm. which he handed to his wife, re-
marking: Here is work on burns. 1
found it at an auction this afternoon. As
one of the children is almost sure to get
burned on the Fourth, ] thought II would
be good investment. Look II over care
fully and be prepared in case of an ac-
cident-" The wife opened the volume
dutlfully and then exclaimed: How odd!
It's all poetry
He was raw recruit. just enrolled in
a crack cavalry regiment and paying his
first visit to the riding school. Eros
cruit advanced, took the bride gingerly.
e nd examined his mount with great care.
Whats it got this strap round IT forg
he said pointing to the girth- well" ex-
planned the instructor, you see, all our
'orses ave a keen sense of 'umor, an as
they sometimes ave sudden fits of laugh
ter when they see the recruits. we pI.
them bands round 'em to keep 'em from
Dustin their sides"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
WhiSkerS.


(New York Scientist gives statistics
to prove that long flowing whiskers have
almost passed out of existence.)
I am the flowing whisker that dec
crates the chin.
They say that 1 am passe. They tell
me I'm all in.
They say my days are numbered, that
Except to harbor microbes and some
tobacco juice.
They say I am a relic of ancient by
gone days.
That I've become an eye-Sore, for sure,
in various ways.
But recall the era when I was quite
the rage
And every fellow wore me. regardless
of his age.
Then I was omnipresent. I dangled in
the soup;
I trailed through restaurant butter and
no one cared a whoop.
You were quite sure to see me, no
matter where you went,
And you would find me hanging on
every president.
Remember Roscoe Conkling? He was
a friend of mine.
And Grant and Hayes and Garfield?
On them I sure looked fine.
And old Count Leo Tolstoy and Uncle
Peter, too,
Were certainly some famous for whisk-
ers that they grew.
Upon the classic profile of old Jay
Gould 1 hung.
I also decorated the face of Brigham
Young
To William Cullen Bryant chung with
might and main.
You also will remember me hanging on
Jim Blaine.
Longfellow cultivated my friendship
many years.
Walt Whitman, he chung to me
throughout this vale of tears.
and Old Joaquin Miller braved biz
yards of the west
With me and never suffered a cold in
throat or chest.
I've made the car of Russia look
somewhat like man.
Old Leopold o. Belgium, he was one of
my clan.
Although these days I'm greeted with
most sarcastic grins.
I've shielded lots of statesmen who
hadn't any chins-
They say I'm in the garbage; they say
1 am passe:
That L have served my purpose and II
have seen my day
But still, in spite of warnings, it's
pretty safe to bet,
When Gabriel blows his trumpet, I'll
be on some men yet
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
BREAKS A COLD,
NEEDS NO HELP.
Pape's Cold Compound Cures Colds
and Grippe in a Few Hours
Tastes Nfce-Acts Gently.

It is a positive fact that a dose OF
Pape's Cold Compound, taken every
two hours until three, consecutive
doses are taken. will end the grippe
and break up the most severe cold,
either In the head. chest, back stom-
.tch. limbs or any part of the body
1t promptly relieves the most ms
cradle headache, dizziness, head and
nose stuffed up, feverishness, sneez-
ing, sore throat, running OF the nose
mucous catarrhal discharges, sore
ness, stiffness and rheumatic twingss-
Take this wonderful Compound as
directed, with the knowledge that
there is nothing else in the world,
which will cure your cold or END
grippe misery as promptly and with
out any other assistance or bad after
effects as a 25-cent package of Pape's
Cold Compound, which any druggist
can supply-accept no substitute
contains no quinine. Belongs In every
home. Tastes nice-acts gently
Adv.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01

There vas none to be had, however,
except he liked to share room with
a niger Pat was tired, and said
he Didn't moind the least bit in the
wurrld, sure and tumbled in, first
asking the innkeeper to call him at
o'clock in the morning.
But there was a conspiracy on foot.
All the world seems to think an Irish
man the butt for every kind of wit.
So several other occupants of the inn
crept upstairs, and in the silent hours
of the night blackened Paddys face
with the aid of a burnt cork.
Morning came, and Pat had a scram-
BILE to get to work, so he dispensed
with any unnecessary scrubbing.
Imag CINE his utter establishment. then,
as, on passing a furniture shop, he
caught sight of his face in the glass
Bewilderment slowly dawned over his
strange words came slowly from his
trembling lips
..Shure and begorra," he cried
aghast, They've called the wrong
man.
James Whitcomb Riley tells a story
of an old fellow who asked for work
at the Riley farm in the poets boy
hood. He was set at hoeing potatoes,
but did not prove to be especially in
dustrious. When taken to task for his
lack of application he only replied.
WAL, the good book says, DO all
things in moderation
well. it came on dinner time at
last says the humorist, land the old
codger did his share nobly- In fact,
he ate enough to kill two or three
ordinary men, Some one gently hint
ed that the text didn't seem to apply.
He opened a worn little Bible and inn
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
A ConversationaIist.

A stranger came to me,
He was a pleasant man.
He had, for sale, insurance
On the endowment plan.
He started conversation
And started with a vim;
/ never heard a fellow who
Could hold a torch to him.
He argued all the morning
And didn't get the bunch
When I got up and left him
And went out to my lunch.
When 1 got back 1 found him
Still talking ''twenty-pay'-
I do not think he realized
That / had been away.
1 kept right at my business
Till dewy eventide,
But he did not desert me;
He sat right by my side.
1 left there still talking
When I turned out the light
And started home to dinner.
I guess he talked all night.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01

the best guesses the secretary ever mads
Mrs. Carnegie might improve on the
pension idea by giving all the ex-vice
presidents hero medals.
Mr. Carnegie has been elected an hon
orary member of the Convicts Improve
ment society. There is some doubt 10
whether the society wants medal, a
pension or a library.
France is in the throes of a presidential
campaign and there is some talk of a
French branch of the Ananias club.
a place in the Wilson cabinet, as is
talked, nobody will ever be able to pre-
dict with any degree of certainty what
will happen.
New York dispatch says one of the
foreign noblemen kissed his fiancee OF
the dock Why not one the check?
But it will not take President Wilson so
long to pass a given point in a parade as
it did President Taft.
Mr.. Short of Cincinnati has just been
married. If the high cost of living keeps
up he will be shorter than ever.
Another thing which puzzles pater
more than the old loose ones, with only
about half the material used.
A French Savant says man has SIX
times more lung capacity than he needs
1T is hard to believe this of Mr.. Bryan or
Ebert Hubbard.
A Boston pastor says couple Can
marry on SIS a week. Sure, they can
marry on it. It costs only 81 to do that
An eastern society advocates noiseless
homes But what is home without a
photograph?
A general war is predicted in Europe.
Well, Europe certainly has the generals.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
BOWSER Is GAME.
But His Mother-in-Law Wins Every
Round.

am Mr. Bowser's mother-in-law.
1 am glad he married into the family
He's just the kind of a man that
needs taking down a peg or two every
few days, and I'm just the woman to
do it.
l believe he would poison me if he
safely could, and L admit that some
day L may break his neck
L packed my trunk and took a little
journey the other day. I gave him no
advance warning that I was to arrive,
but reached his home from the depot
about o'clock in the evening He
happened to be in the front hall and
answered my ring himself, and for a
moment after catching sight of me he
looked like one who was staring at a
ghost
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
Divorce a la Node.

(Reduced from the news columns-)
Mrs. Algernon Lucas asks divorce
from her husband because he insists upon
wearing lavender pajamas instead of blue
when he sleeps in the blue bedroom.
Mrs. Isaac w. Langworth has asked for
a divorce on the grounds of extreme
cruelty. Her husband put her lapdog out
doors the other night and kept it out
for nearly five minutes.
Horace w. Kiskadden wants a divorce
because his wife refuses to harness the
mule for him every morning and he has
to do it himself
Mrs LemueI H. Proudfoot has applied
for a divorce because her husband used
violet perfume when she prefers wild rose.
This is considered aggravated case
Benjamin w. Gilderhouse has applied
for a divorce because he found ha1rpln
in the Irish stew one day last week.
My Friend.
1 used to have a bosom friend,
We used to be together
Most all the time my friend and
In fair and stormy weather
But something happened one sad day.
1t is a shame by hen.
He bought an automobile and
I've not seen him since then.
Customer-Young lady, how do you sell
your cream puffs2
Clerk-Heaven only knows
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
DINNER STORIES.

From Erin he came, seeking work.
oh. yes. he was an Irishman, and
at last he found what he wanted in
a provincial town in England But he
must have somewhere to sleep, must
this happy-go-lucky son of the En-
eraId Isle. so, noticing an inn, he went
to inquire for a bed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
Caught on the Ely.

AOOuI IHe OHIy tn1ng they maven [ found
In the ruins of Pompen is a letter from
John D. Archibald TO some Roman senator
A man out west says it is possible To
dress on $50 a year Yes and an Eskimo
can DO it even cheaper than that
A Newark woman has tried ten times
to commit suicide She might try writing
for the magazines and starving to death
taught how to cook. Some men are mighty
reasonable Next he will say thew Should.
learn how to darn a sock.
A West Virginia girl tagged a train
last week and prevented a wreck. For
tunately she was an old-fashioned CIR,
and wore red petticoat.
Applicants for Carnegie hero medals
must according to the new ruling apply
within three years of the heroic act Too
late for the hero who invented the noise
less soup spoon.
Chief Ffrenaker. who claims he is Isl
years old. must remember the Indians
when they did something beside playing
football
A -Sew York roof garden is a garden
In which they can't raise anything e4l-
cepting prices.
One person in every 10 in this county
owns automobile. And he usually
keeps the other 100 lodging him.
castro and Diaz would not be opposed
TO Carnegie's plan to pension all ex-presi-
tents.
says students eat too much, but the food
trust is gradually curing them of the
habit.
Spain should establish a sinking fund
for her new navy.
An English aviator has been fined for
running into a COW and killing her. Avia-
ton in England apparently has not reach
ed very high stage.
Secretary of Agriculture Wilson says lie
VIII retire March next. This is one &C
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
According to Uncle Abner.

Mr.. Amos Butts, our gentlemanly
and congenial undertaken, also livery,
feed and sales stables and folding
chairs to rent. says, by gravy, the peo-
pie of our village don't encourage
home industries at all and that they
don't seem to think that an under
taker has got to make an honest liv-
ing. There has been only one funeral
in three years and that Teller was
shipped in from out of town. Amos
says he can't see what the old people
of this town are waitin' fer. He says
there amt a cent for him in a cente-
marian.
Every Teller ought to have an aim
in life Then maybe he can get a
job shootin' glass balls in some wild
west show.
Hank Tumms always buys domestic
cigars when he wants to smoke at
home.
Hod Purdy always carries his
lunch to work with him, but he eats
it before he starts so as to save
time at noon.
Old LATE Tubbs says when he was
in the army he was where the bull
lets was thickest, but Abe Renfrew
says that it is a durn lie for the bull
lets was all the same thickness and he
knows it.
Lam Higgins says he always stops
smokin' durin' political campaigns and
he knows he has added at least 20
years to his life by so doing.
The old philosopher who said there
was nothing impossible in this world
never tried to get a real poem pub
lished in a Is cent magazine.
1t is natural for a Teller to worry if
he is going to be hanged. but it doesn't
do no partickler good. at that.
If every woman spent as much time
thinkin' about marriage before the
ceremony as she does afterwards.
there would be fewer divorces in this
country.
From the Hickeyyilie Clarion
Ansel Higgins, formerly of this mans
town. has resigned from the regular
army and in the future expects TO do
most of his drilling after dark in some
we'll known bank. When a Teller is so
pug-nosed you can hang fxittle on
it, he ought to go to some dam1toIogicaI
institute and get it Numbered
1 see a member of the smart set of
polite society down to New York has
bought a 81 200 garter for chorus girl
He must have plenty of that elastic
currency We hear so much about Jay
Higgins has accepted permanent
position as floor walker, mother and
baby doing well. Arson Frisby asked
Uncle Ezra Harkins the other day If
he thought graftin' would ever be abol-
ished in this country and Uncle Ezra
said he hoped not because the peach
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
- ON.TKE .SPVRIlI =
E9 OF-THEMOMENT
NRP by Roy K MoultonA. 81

crop in this section depends upon plenty
! Of grating.
Mrs Arson Frisby is so heightened
she has had the fence removed from
afraid to go to bed nights now for fear
he will catch cold and get the garip.
Anse is quite a comic for money
lender. Old Man Purdy give a speech
other evening and said what this coun-
try needed was fewer taxidermists. He
says every time a Teller turns around
there is somebody at his elbow to col
lect taxes.
Butter is butter these days and few
can afford to eat it. Grandpa BibDins
allows as how he is going to wait until
some minstrel show comes along and
get some of the oIio from them. Grand
pa is too old to spring jokes and half
of them get lost in his whiskers While
on their way to the eXpectant and pal
pitating public.
A swell gazabo from the city was in
this mans town last Saturday with his
buzz wagon. He asked the way to West
Hickeyville and Willie Turnms sent him
in the opposite direction on the road
to Hickory Corners. Willie is the town
hero nowadays. Durn them city fellers
with their whizzle cars, anyhow. 1t
amt safe to walk in the rud any more
in this vicinity or elsewhere. William
Tibbitts' folks lost two hens by the pip
three weeks ago Thursday. There is
no clew yet, although Constable Eben
Hand is at work on the case.
1t makes a Teller hot under the col
lar after he has written a beautiful
poem to his sweetheart, the village
milliner. describing her personal ap-
pearance and her having black locks,
to find that since he saw her last she
has changed from brunette to a
blonde. The waterworks was busted
down five days last week and nobody
knew it. Joe Mulhatten might have
been somewhat of a liar in his day.
but he never had anything on Hank
Tumms of this village. A lot of fell
lers who know what the baseball score
is don't know what his wife is going
to eat for supper.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01

to do, do it with all thy might
DO you sell stamps here?" the
elderly lady asked the man behind the
counter.
yes, madam" replied the clerk in
charge, politely.
Can 1 buy any quantity 1 like?"
went on the old lady fiercely.
why, yes, madam. Can"
Have you got any one-cent ones7"
Yes, madam" said the long-suf-
fering one behind the grill. How"
IT want them altogether-not torn
apart" pursued the relentless lady.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01

perturbably pointed to a passage. 1t
read, Whatsoever thy hand findeth
to do, do it with all thy might
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-01
TUESDAY

pride and through by land
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-03-06
1orIp 11lanten female

LADY OR GIRL WANTED. EACH
town. good pay spare time. COPY
names for advertisers. cash weekly.
stamp for particulars. AMERICAN
ADV, BUREAU, Dept. +, Leightons
Corners. n III.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-03-06
SITUATIONS llluntfn, SDale

YOUNG Man. NOW EMPLOYED.
wishes position as shipping clerk or
collector Excellent rccommenda-
tons. and bond if necessary Long
experience in Office work also. Ad-
dress * Gi5. care Times Dispa tch