davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
WOMAN AND HER PURSE

From the Louisville Courier-Journal
The New York chief of police has caused
to be distributed warnings to women shop
pers during the pre-Christmas buying pc
riod. He admonshes women against
leaving their purses in street cars, in hotel
or department store retiring rooms, in au-
tomobiles, in baby carriages and in other
places equally unsafe. But he does not
tell them what to do with their green
backs to keep them from falling into the
hands of the pickpockets while they are
uttering exclamations of delight about the
shop windows and counters.
The Pittsburg chief of police does bet
ter He knows woman nature.
PUT your money in your stockings,
says the Pittsburg thief chaser. "And be
sure you wear strong garters and wear
them tight. Not too tight to allow free
circulation of the blood, but tight
enough
There have been piclspockets since the
pocket was invented, and thieves and cut
purses have prowled abroad by day and
by night since there were purses to cut
But there are no pick-stockings. A pocket
may be picked while the owner of the full
wallet is thinking about business or about
wine, women or song. But stockings can
no. be picked. No woman is so absent
minded as to lose her roll of bills from
her stockings without knowing that some
thing unusual and Suspicious is going for
ward.
Men may laugh at the use of the stock
ing as a receptacle for money, but 1t Is
an evidence of true feminine wisdom that
women, or many of them, put their money
where it will stay put. 1t may be neces-
sary to rent a room at hotel in order
to lay hands upon a needed s. bill. but
anyway the So bill is not going to fall into
the hands of the light fingered gentry
whose lay it is to trim the boob who
puts pocketbook in his jeans" and Is
not sufficiently sensitive to know when
it is removed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
CURE FOR DRINK

In the American Magazine, Henry Det-
mers writes a little article entitled, "A
New Cure for Drink" Mr.. Detmers says
that he has been in the saloon business for
20 years. He is not a drinker himself
and none of his sons drink Out of his
experience he recommends the following
cure for the liquor habit:
Il found early in my experience that
as a general rule-there are exceptions of
course-a regular consumer of fruit was
not very good customer in my busi-
ness. On the other hand, typical booze
fighter seldom touches fruit 1 always
kept some apples behind the bar for my
own use, and 1 often experimentally Of
fefed one to a star customer who al
most invariably refused. The more
looked into this matter, the more firmly I
became convinced that these two habits
clash. Not caring to have my boys ac-
qt,ire the one inoculated them with the
other, and I have found that the fruit
habit, early acquired acts as a perfect an
tidote to the liquor habit.
Il mention apples especially because
they are something like bread one never
tires of them, which is more than can
be said Of peaches, pears and oranges.
And apples. thanks to cold storage. can
be had every day of the school year.
"Why shouldn't the apple habit be
cultivated In the public schools at pub
lie expense? School trustees could adver-
tise for bids to supply the school. Then
by means of a push-the- button contriv-
ance placed at the boys and girls exits
each child could get his apple as he
marched out to play at recess time. Two
apples day would do the work Children
have a veritable craving for fruit And
If it happens that have merely imagined
that the fruit habit offsets the drink
habit, know that two apples day will
have a valued influence on the health,
good temper and morals of any child.
please understand 1 have no AK to
grind, do not own single apple tree.
II have never claimed to have dis
covered that fruit juices act as a liquor
antidote although I have talked it for
25 years.
Some three years ago an article ap-
peared which claimed a Nebraska physi-
clan as the discoverer of the theory. The
good doctor and I will never quarrel over
it. He can have the glory. I do not need
it.. 1 am only too glad to see that my
views have gained some scientific back
ing.
.If you remove the desire for drink,
the liquor question will solve itself, and
while poverty may not be banished the
general welfare of the people will be much
improved; and even If my scheme is never
adopted I will feel thousand times re-
paid for my pains If I can only convince
the mothers of our country. those who
have the means to do so, that to implant
the fruit habit in their children Is the
best assurance for temperate life"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
FORGET THEE:

by John MOultr1e.
Forget thee?" If to dream by night, and
muse on thee by day,
If all the worship, deep and wild, a poets
heart can pay,
If prayers In absence breathed for thee
to Heavens protecting power,
If winged thoughts that fit to thee-a
thousand in an hour,
If busy Fancy blending thee with ali my
future lot
If this thou callst forgetting" thou in
deed shalt be forgot!
Forget thee?' Bid the forest birds for
get their sweetest tune;
Forget thee?" Bid the sea forget to
swell beneath the moon;
Bid the thirsty flowers forget to drink
the ewes refreshing dew;
Thyself forget thine town dear land" and
it's mountains wild and blue;''
Forget each old familiar face, each long
remembered spot
When these things are forgot by thee.
then thou shalt be forgot!
Keep if thou wilt, thy maiden peace.
still calm and fancy free,
For God forbid thy gladstone heart should
grow less glad for me;
Yet while that heart is still linwon. O
81 bid not mine to- rove,
But let it nurse it's humble faith and I'M
complaining love;
If these. preserved for patient years. at
last avail me pot,
Forget me then-but ne'er believe that
thou canst be. forgot
T - si.s g, ~ NJ * = {is.,f
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
Chief of Army Staff

Mai. Gen. Leonard Wood, chief OF
staff of the United States army, will
retire from that position next April,
as stated in The Age-Herald's news
columns yesterday. An act of Con-
gress adopted in 1908, reorganized the
army and created a general staff. 1t
provided that general officer should
be detailed for four years as chief OF
staff. The act further provided that
in time of war or other emergency the
President might retain the chief OF
staff in that position longer than the
four-year term. The idea had gone
abroad that in view Of the Mexican
situation the present chief of staff
would be retained for some time to
come, but the Secretary of War makes
it plain that no advantage will be
taken of the emergency clause.
At the expiration of General Wood .
four years as chief he will be as
signed to a division command, and
Mai. Gen. James Franklin Bell, or
some other major general, will be ap-
pointed chief for four years. As the
highest rank in the army is that Of
major general, the chief of staff re-
ceives no increase in salary, although
he has extra allowances which in eff
feet make his pay 20 or 80 per cent
more than that of major general.
General Wood owes his high posi-
ton in the army to the personal
friendship of ex-President Roosevelt
He is not West Pointer, and had nc
military education of any sort. He is
a native of New Hampshire. After
studying medicine he became prac-
ticing physician and in 1886 was ap-
pointed assistant surgeon in the
United States army. 1t will be re-
membered that he commanded a cav
airy regiment of United States volun-
teers-the Rough Riders"-in the
Spanish war, with Roose-
vent as his lieutenant colonel. Genera
Wood had been awarded the congress.
sional medal of honor for distinguished
conduct in campaign against
Apachee Indians in 1886, while serv-
ing as medical and line officer of Cap
tain Lawson's expedition. He was ap-
pointed brigadier general of the
United States army in 1901, and ma
jor general in 1908. While he is recog-
nized by all army officers as mar
of courage and executive capacity
many disinterested observers have fell
that an injustice was done more thor
oughly trained line officers wher
Roosevelt jumped Wood over them
AS General Wood is only 81 years Of
age, he has ten years more to serve OF
the active list. When he is ga he will
retire on three-fourths pay-$6O0O q
year.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
COMMENCEMENT NIGHT

when she takes up stenography as a life
calling.
Vhe class salutatorian obliges at great
length, and volunteer scorers all over tho
house keep tab on the number and ex-
tent of the floral offerings passed over
the footlights.
Presently the worst fears of the helpless
piano are realized. The doomed instrn-
ment quivers at the approach of a sinewy
little girl of resolute aspect. Some cor
fusion is created in the minds of the
audience when the superintendent an
rounces that his talented young person
Is about to render a selection by for
eigner, to whom he enormously refers as
Show Pang, whereas anybody who can
read knows the name should be pro-
nounced Chop In. as in cutting stovewood
Nevertheless, the young lady does per-
form with great vigor; and then for an
encore she renders the Battle OF
Prague In such a way as materially 10
add to the horrors of war. She fires the
last volley and falls back in good order
leaving the piano in a crushed and palpi-
tating state. 1t is not exactly wrecked.
but it will never again be the piano it,
was.
The valedictorian-it is the Smalley boy
rises to his feet after obtaining the con-
sent of his legs and-first swallowing a
setting of imaginary duck eggs-he adj
dresses the orchestra leader on some con-
hdential matter in tone of voice so
subdued he cannot hear it himself. Then
the diplomas are distributed and the
graduates go forth into the world. In
June they go forth, but some of them arc
back as early as September is.
Some will go to college and the Others
will make over a few of their ideals
and take a fresh start-for period of
disillusonment befalls along about here
| The youth who was president of the glee
club and led the varsity team at the bat
meets large number of persons who. are
not interested in these matters at ALL II
is a shock to him to find so many pre-
sumably intelligent busines men-fnen
who have apparently succeeded in life
who do not seem to care 'tinker's
naughty word how high up he was in
the Awful Dents Fraternity. provided ns
can letter packing case. For one years
football hero is next years shipping
clerk. and the two pursuits are in no way
correlated.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
INSIDE INFoRMATIoN

From the Fort Worth Star-Teegram.
A writer advises girls that the ability
to toast marshmallows does not make 4
good cook of anyone. No, girls, it doesn't;
the writer of that Information is telling
the truth. When your beau calls. tonight.
and you look at him., you would never sus-
pect it, but he is fond of boiled spuds,
pink beans and hot biscuits, and while
he may pretend to you that three toasted
mashmallows is s.sufficient for him, he will
probably go back in the kitchen when he
gets home and eat a hog liver and :.
pound of bologna sausage before going tc
bed
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
1T WAS HIS WIFE

From Answers. London.
A ring at the telephone attracted the
attention Of the office boy.
"A lady wishes to talk to you, sir" hi
said, addressing the senior partner.
The senior partner took up the instru-
n,ent and stood at the telephone fo rsev-
eral minutes, a very tired and bored ex-
preston on his face.
Then he laid the receiver down and
went back to his desk.
Twenty minutes later he walked to the
telephone, said few words, and hung up
the receiver. Then he turned to his part
ner, who was looking at him in a mysti-
fled and puzzled way.
ut was my wife, he explained "She
was still talking, and hadn't even missed
me-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
THE STRAIN WAS TOO GREAT

From the Liverpool Post.
Prof Brander Matthews, the American
dramatic critic, was once presented by a
playwright with a complimentary ticket,
which he used At the end of the first act
there was chilly silence among the au-
dence, but Mr.. Matthews applauded, as
act the audience hissed, while Mr.. Mat
thews kept troubled silence. At the end
of the third act Mr.. Matthews went out
and paid for his seat, and came back and
hissed with the rest.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
Water Power Conservation

In the last century this country was
the scene of untold development and
commercial activity. As a result the
present generation has grown rich,
but much concern is felt in regard to
the nations natural resources of the
future, which it is claimed are being
rapidly dissipated by those who are
now reaping harvests at the expense
of posterity.
In some sections development of
certain natural resources has become
SYNONYMOUS with dissipation. 1t is
claimed that our vast forests will
soon be thing of the past, and grave
concern is felt in regard to the proba-
BILE exhaustion of our mineral wealth
especially that of coal, which it is
claimed will cease to exist in large
quantities within the next few hun
dred years, if some substitute is not
adopted for producing power. Our ma
tional and state governments have
taken cognizance of the possibility of
the threatened dissipation of natural
resources, have appointed COM
missions fol/the purpose of consid-
ering the best means of conservation,
and as this matter often claims the at
tention of the public and that of our
representatives, it's nature should be
thoroughly understood.
There is q distinct difference be-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
WIT In A PINCH
From Lippincott's.

From Lippincott's.
A cadet officer in the Pennsylvania
Military college was reported by a faculty
officer for Language severe
mark in that austere institution. At the
time appointed for the hearing of ''ex-
plantations" of marks. the offending cadet
presented himself before the commandant.
well, sir, how did it happen that you
Were guilty of using improper language
while on duty?" the colonel inquired.
why, sir, as officer of the day l was
inspecting the guard. In handling one
of the rifles the lock snapped shut on
my finger. and it just naturally pnched
hell out of me-
Not only was the mark taken off,, but
the colonel gleefully reported to the en-
tire corps the cadet officers witty ex-
PLANTATION of his offense.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
The Iron Market

'"rhere is a great deal more cheerful
news in the iron market this week than
there was a fortnight ago. say Mat
thew Addy g. Co., in their Cincinnati re-
port.
I'm the first place, real and actual bust
ness of magnitude has been done. Not
only have many large orders been booked
but an active inquiry has developed that
promises we'll for the immediate future
The present buying is peculiar in that it
has been done altogether by the big con-
sumers. t.
The small meters are still holding off
but it is very evident that many of the
heavy meters have come to the conclu-
sion that they have waited long enough
and that present prices are inviting
enough for them to go ahead and 'cross
the Rubicon," SO to speak. Because the
big buyers are i'm the market there have
been more orders calling for 1000 tons
than there have been orders calling for
carload lots, which is an extraordinary
and unusual state of affairs.
"A year ago at this time pig iron was
exactly So per ton above the price at
which it is offering today. Prices have
been squeezed down until there is not a
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13

Capt. James l. Donaghy, chief of
police of Lower Merton township, in
Pennsylvania, spoke of his experiences
in the police service at the Presbyterian
church. incidentally he gave a police
mans" view of present day social prob
lens. He championed the cause of chill
dren, and in that connection said that
the tendency at the present time seemed
to be to place the responsibility on the
big brother where child correction
was needed He suggested that the
proper guidance of children be re-
stricted to the home, and that the ''big
father" and big mother take the place
of the "big brother" He criticised the
lurid movies" and urged that religious
| organizations do all in their power to
suppress them. The dance hall, he de-
clared, was a proper medium for young
people to spend their surplus energy
provided the moral surroundings were
all right.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13

melter of pig iron in the United States
who is in happy frame of mind. The
furnace companies are all of them unable
to produce iron at todays prices profit
ably. 1t would seem that IL there ever
was time when consumers would find
1t profitable TO buy pig iron, this is the
particular time, and because of the at
tractive prices a general buying of large
proportions is anticipated"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
The Travelling Mems Dinner

at am glad to see that the travelling
mems dinner will be given this year on
December 20" said member of the
Chamber of Commerce 'At that time
most of the statesmen will be in the city,
home for the holidays, and this will in
sure a larger attendance.
''The annual banquet given to the trav-
cling men of Birmingham by the Cham
ber of Commerce is, in my opinion, one
of the best schemes yet devised for fos-
tering the Birmingham boosting spirit
among the knights of the grip. The sales
men who travel out of this city are a
fine lot of men and they give to this city
a great amount of advertising.
''The Birmingham travelling men were
moving factors in the success of the mer-
chants convention held last August un-
der the auspices of the Chamber of Com
merce. They personally invited all the
north Alabama merchants to attend the
convention and this injection of the per-
sonal equation into it contributed in nc
small way to its success.
''The giving of banquet every year
on large scale to the travelling men is
perhaps the least the Chamber of Com
merce could do to show it's appreciation
of these valuable factors in the city s
makeup. They certainly deserve all the
commendation that they receive"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
ADRIF'T WITH THE TIMES
VISIONARY JOYS.

I dearly love my easy chair.
y refuge from my troubles;
Whenever [ am seated there
Lifes greatest cares Seem bubbles.
What's fame or fortune then to me2
Mere trifles not worth seeking;
Let others roam the land and sea.
From Elgin, ILL.,, to Peking,
I'd rather sit at home and hear
The gentle raindrops falling
And see the firelight's ruddy cheer.
My simple soul enthralling.
That's how feel. The chair l sing
/ wonder could you guess it
Was priced to me away last spring
Some day L may possess it!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13

| w. S. Martin, 67 years old. foundry
worker of Wilmington Del, has re-
sisted starvation for the last year by
taking liquid food served to him
through a rubber tube inserted in the
abdominal walls of his stomach. He is
a patient in the American Stomach hos
pital in Philadelphia. He was starving
when he went there, because a growth
at the entrance to the stomach pre-
vented him swallowing, and blocked
the passage of all liquids as we'll as
solids. Except for the growth. Martin
is in normal condition and is able to
take long walks. The malformation is
responding to treatment and slowly is
diminishing in size For the last two
weeks he has been able to swallow soft
food, but the nourishment he gets from
it is not sufficient to keep him alive.
The physician attending him says the
man will be entirely well in a few
months. The expedient OF feeding Mar
tin through the tube was resorted to
after all other devices had failed BY
means of a delicate operation an in
cision was made in the abdomen, and
the tube inserted. The mouth of the
tube reached the stomach. and the
wound was permitted to heal around
the rubber channel
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
It's always "a pleasure to renew ac-
quaintance with our old friend, the "F'id-
die, d. D." joke. The veteran is now
sweeping the country with great eclat.
Every little while Harper's Drawer is
left ajar and some dear old bit of huhor
crawls out of a dusty corner and goes
romping down the highway.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13

In his annual report Surgeon General
C. f. Stokes of the United States navy
recommends the abolition of 1 re-
quirement that all naval offict walk
at least ten miles each month. DR..
Stokes believes that the walk" order
works hardships in many cases and that
lit is 'irksome to all concerned He
favors more attention to physical ex-
ercises on the part of all officers and a
substitution of healthful and pleasure
BILE exercise for compulsory walks. DR..
Stokes renews his criticism of the dam
aging effects of competitive athletics
which involve extreme physical strain.
He recommends the substitution of
khaki uniforms for white uniforms of
officers and men, a special study of
methods for determining the mental and
temperamental fitness of officers and
men, construction of hospital ships for
each fleet and reduction of the length of
tours of duty of ships in Central Amer
lean waters.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13

Among the lowgrade specimens of
humanity who ought to be chloroformed
may be mentioned the man who borrows
your paper in the morning and keeps you
waiting while he leisurely consumes
breakfast along with the cream of the
days news.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13

1t is very wrong and very unchivalrous
to lay the blame for the shortage of eggs
on the hens. There may not be enough
hens, but we decline to believe that there
is a hen in the land who would willingly
neglect her duty.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
SHE WAS LONG-HEADED

He asked her in yearning, pleading tones
if he could not give her an engagement
ring as a Christmas present But she
comes of a thrifty and far-seeing FAM
lily which never loses it's presence of mind.
mo, darling" she softly whispered; "I
will take the ring now. Let Christmas
bring its happy surprises, just as usual .
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
1913 STATISTICS

From the ST. Louis Republic.
From all reports the accident list for
1913 is going to be something fearful"
"It is that And the limit hasn't been
reached yet Just think of the numbers
of people still to be run over In Deuem-
per by the 1914 model automobiles"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13

No matter how much some good peo-
pie may desire to see nation-w wide pro-
hibition-no one now living will wit
efforts to the contrary notwithstand-
ing
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13

Judging from the shop window displays.
Santa Claus is going to provide a great
many fair damsels this Christmas with
elegant facilities for powdering their
noses
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13
THE "sTIFFLED LIFE.

Here is an interesting story entitled,
Love the Alchemist.'
Converts lifes dross into gold and all
that sort of thing?"
Il should say not! In this story the
heroine wants to find herself and all
writers of fiction concede that in a case
of that sort gold is an insuperable bar
rier"
POINT IN HIS FAVOR.
You seldom hear
OF a man named McGinnity
Who's running around
With a blondined affinity.
NOT TO BE THOUGHT OF.
when two politicians start to abusing
each other it seems as if they might
come to blows at any moment"
'They can't afford to do that"
"No?"
"If they came to blows the process of
blowing might be interrupted"
EASY THEN.
However much a poet may
Desire a song to sing,
It's toilsome getting under way,
Except, of course, in spring.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-13

The 'Hetch Hetchy grab will continue
| to be sort of slogan for some people,
but so long as she has her water supply
assured, San Francisco isn't going to
worry,