davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
Daysey Mayme
and Her F olks
By FRANCES L. GARsIDE.

T YSANDER JOHN APPLETON.
Kin Commissioner General Of the
United States, does very little
work to earn his salary.
1t is said that very few offceholders
do. However this may be a tradition
AS the time drew nearer to pay day
recently, he decided that a few kin de-
cisions might placate his ridden
constituency. 1t. moreover always gives
him a feeling of satisfaction to read in
the papers that he is hard at work in
his office.
After consulting many and varied
authorities. and reading up decisions
made by his predecessors in office, he
issued the following:
If time is too fast for you. invite your
| kin to make months visit.
No one should take sides in kin
row except the lawyer who is paid for
| his services
The real test Of self control is to be
able to refrain from saying mean
things about ones kin, when, Of
course. they are true.
Every man who shows symptoms OF
becoming tOuCelitu SllOulu De lOlu WHAT
his poor kin think Of him.
Beware of the telegram marked
Collect" 1t is from kin, and they are
coming on visit.
When your ornery kin plan to come
and see you, they never miss their
train.
There are some troubles in life that
don't come off with tight corsets and
new shoes. and kin are one of them.
No one thinks as much Of his ances-
tors these days as he thinks of their
heirlooms.
Kins are as easy to accumulate as
empty tomato cans, and are as hard to
lose as the beggar lice that sticks to
ones clothes in the woods.
If your kin is sick and some one
asks how he is. You are expected to
throw great gratitude into your voice
in saying he is better and great terror
if he is not so well.
Noah'S real dread was not Of the
flood. but of the six weeks family re-
union in the ark.
The rule is that within three weeks
after they are married the wife begins
to talk more about her kin than her
husband had bargained for.
When a man is having a particularly
hard time of it, 1t is the duty Of all his
kin to help him by telling him to be
patient little longer.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
Puns Perpetrated by Serious
Minded Poets

a tedious fast; and who abstains from
meat that is not gaunt?'
Hamlet - made 70 pun. teo. Wnen
the clown, digging graves in the church
yard. in answer to the question. Whose
graves this?" says. Mine. sir" Ham
let replies:
4 think it be thine, indeed; for thou
Hest int" And later adds:
Thou dost lie int. to be int and say
III is thine It's for the dead. not for
the quick therefore thou lest"
The puns of Tom Hood are well
known. In Faithless Sallie Brown"
"Faithless Nellie Gray and The Duel"
to mention but a few. almost every
line contains pun. What could De
wittier than the concluding verse %
"FaithIess SaIie Brown"
His death, which happened in his
berth.
At forty odd befell;
They went and told the sexton, and
The sexton tolled the bell"
A Famous Answer.
Perhaps one or the best kno1a puns
is that put into the mouth OF John
Gilpin by Cowper. 1t will be remen
bered that. according TO the poem. John
Gilpin borrowed a horse from mis-
friend to ride to Edmonton to celebrate
his wedding day but the horse had
other plans and took the jovial Gilpin
to the house OF his friend. who, on see
ing his ruffled condition asked him
why he had come. Gilpin replied:
Il came because your horse would
come,
And if ! well forbode
NV hat and wig will soon be here
They are upon the road"
The poet Wither once lsmented the
decline of his family in the words,
The very name Of Wither shows de-
cay" and although the following verss.
penned by Lord Lyttleton TO Lady
Browne. is not the work of a poet so
called, it is well worth quoting
when ! was young and debonair
The brownest nymph to me was fair;
But now I'm old and wiser grown,
The fairest nymph to me is Browne
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
Little Bobbiie' S
Pa
BY WILLIAM F. KIRK.

MA toald Pa last mite that there
M was a CRATE trcet in store for
him after he mad finished his
dinner. You are going to meet a truly
CRATE man tonite, sed Ma, Mister Jen-
kins, the husband of my friend Missus
Jenkins He is a congressman. Ma
sed. He knows all about how to make
laws. etc, sed Ma | met him with his
wife this afternoon, at tea. & found
him vary interesting | always like
to meet CRATE men, Ma sed. Thare is
sumthing so romantic about meeting
a CRATE statesman or a CRATE painter
or CRATE poet, & finding out I'm what
respecll they are different from the
rest of US. Doant you think so. hus-
band, sed Ma.
No, / doant think SO. sed Pa | have
met a lot of CRATE statesmen & CRATE
painters < CRATE poets. & / have found
that they are the saim as the rest Of
us. a congressman may be better
known than ] am sed Pa. but that
doesn't mean that he has any moar
branes. 1t only meens that I have
never deestded definitely what is the
best walk in life for me. while the
congress man has found his graft & is
playing it for all it is worth Beware
OF the man of one book, sed Pa, es-
peshully one bank book
Well, after dinner Mister & Nissus
Jenkins calm up to the house. Mister
Jenkins was a soUem man with lots
Of whiskers & a mustash / supposed
he had the whiskers & the mustash to
hide his face. bccIlaus # dident Iool,
hansum like Pas face. It was awful
fat. Pa keeps his face trained bv talk
ing all the time that Ma isent talking
am very glad to meet YOU both
sod Pa. have often herd nv wife
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
He Only Wanted a Simple Gas Plate

(TT said in the papers" remarked
the furnished apartment gradu-
ate who had just acquired a
cottage, that gas plates could be
bought for $175. My wife usually
buys all such things. but she had over
looked a gas plate in buying the more
necessary tapestries and japanese idols
and such things.
81 went to buy the gas plate as ad-
vertised When | entered the store a
young man stepped forward and greet
ed me as If | were his rich uncle.
told him / wanted to be shown gas
plate that should cost about S1.7J.
He raised his eyebrows and called.
Forward"
"A young fellow Appeared. SHOW
this gentleman a junk gas plate, said
the first young man.
Certainly agreed the other young
man. Pleasant day, isn't it2'
HE took me to where there was a
pile of gas plates heaped up like coal.
Taking one in my hands, l noted that
most of the holes were stopped up.
made some comment on it,
"'Oh, yes said the young man.
Sometimes the jabber doesn't work
very well, and doesn't poke the holes
all the way through. But l think there
lare one or two holes that the gas can
get through very nicely
Then he stepped over to another
pile a little better assorted. Have you
seen any Of these? he asked. Now,
this is a better made plate. 1t will
really cook if you can get the gas
turned on. IT doesn't work very well
early in the morning, but along about
in the afternoon it works fine
"'And you nearly always shut off
the gas when you want to--yes. as a
rule you can, but if you can't you can
get the plumber
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14

81 listened to the young fellow with
great interest. l felt like a man VINO
had just cut himself loose from one Of
those cast iron e-preservers that they
give you on sinking boats
These are very good plates for tho
money, though the salesman went on.
Five dollars and sixty-ive cents But
here's one that will suit you better.
These are very good indeed, You can
manipulate them without the aid of the
| fire department and the holes are large.
Gas can come right through like a land
buyer in a real estate ofTicen
90 How much is one asked to dis
gorge for these | inquired.
Eight seventy five said the Young
man, confidentally He and l had be-
come very good friends. We were now
on confdentioal terms. He took a vast
amount OF interest in me, and had
great respect for me, not TO say admi-
ration. 1t was entirely plain that he
wanted to see me get a square deal.
But he confided. you should real
ly get a Wascalooloo gas plate. It's
the only kind worth having-it saves
more money in gas bills in one month
than it costs-pays for itself twelve
times a year. No defects whatever.
Any time you get tired cooking on it
you can set it in the parlor and put
bric-a brac on IT, because 1t is so or,
namental.
Moreover, there is only one of them
left. A man was just in TO ask 10
have It reserved for him. but that Is
against the rules Of the house.
Il took that gas plate quick, while
the taking was good. The salesman did
not consider that | had done him a ia
vor at all. We have to eat, I hate 10
be blown up, and / like to save as
much gas as possible so ] proceeded 10
buy that gas plate for s9.9S"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
GO and Look i'm
YOUR Mirror

Gray hair adds fully 10 years to
Your looks. Go and look in your
mirror, and look without seeing
those white hairs Why, your eyes
are brighter, and your cheeks ac-
tualIy dimple with pleasure. What
"a difference those few white hairs
make. You'd look five years young
er than Mrs. Blank next door, II II
wasn't for those few white hairs, and
another year or so and your whole
head will be gray!
Not necessarily. We give you our
positive guarantee (and our guaran-
tee has never yet failed) that our
Robinnaire Hair Dye will restore
your hair to its own original color
and beauty without injuring hair or
scalp and it win make your hair
soft and keep it in fine condition. 1t
is not a vulgar bleach or artificial
coloring. 1t is a restorative TO
bring back to the hair its natural
color and life.
If you have dandruff, YOU use a
hair tonic to cure it: and If your
hair is fading and turning gray and
lifeless. YOU should use a reStora-
tive to renew its life and color Both
troubles result from diseases of the
scalp. and there is no more reason
why you should reject pure color
restorative than that you should re-
iect a good dandruff tonic. Think
this over. Remember, Ten years
younger
We prepare RobinnaiTe's Hair Dye
for light. medium and dark brown
and black hair Try it Immediately
with a 25c trial size and see the re
markable result. Postpaid, Bic,
Regular large size, 15C; postpaid,
see. For sale by all Jacobs Phar-
macy Stores and druggists
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14

TT ERES the very latest i'm sum-
II mer evening wraps-the
Roof Garden Coatee. IT'S
just the thing for torrid summer
nights-when they arrive--and YOU
don't have to have a roof garden
handy as an excuse for wearing IT,.
Warm weather is the proper eN-
cuse. 1t will be de rigueur-as
they say in dear Paree-along
about July and August.
1t was designed especially for
American women. and the members
of the American Tailors and Dress
makers association have put the
seal of their approval on the chic
little garment The original model
is made Of green chiffon. lined with
gold cloth, and is combined with
wide broCade ribbon in a rose de-
sign on an olive green background.
All told, It is SOME COATEE.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
Right the First Time.

Baker, was out i'm Blakelcy's mo-
tor last week. He has everything in
It, even pedometcr.
Rarker-You mean spcedometer. old
man. \ pedometer is an instrument for
measuring how far You walk.
Baker-All right; III stick to pc
dnmetcr
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
Fortunes and Titles Given Up For
the Love of Women

earned her daily bread at the washtub
mattered nothing to this heir to ST.
100000 a year He defied his fathers
anger. fled with his present maid TO
London. and married her-a disinher-
tied outcast
i do not for moment regret the
step l have taken" he said. ION the
contrary, we are perfectly happy. l
intend to work for my living, and l
have already taken steps to find en-
ployment"
II was with the same proud spirit of
self-sacrifiCe that Prince Eberwyn zu
Bentheim- Steinfurt, cousin of the queen
of Holland, gave his hand a short time
ago in the Strand registry office in
London to Fraulein Lagenfeld. the
daughter of a tradesman who had be-
gun life as a peasant.
A German Shop Girl.
The German emperor himself had in
vain tried to dissuade him from such
mad step" He turned a deaf ear to
all the threats and entreaties Of his
family, and formally renowned the
heirship of $1,250,OOO a year to his
younger brother, Prince Victor. And
when he had thus condemned himself
TO poverty and obscurity. he declared
Il need not say that am more than
happy. As long as | live, l shall re-
joice that l had the firmness to place
my happiness and that of my bride
above the medieval prejudices of my
house"
While Prince Eberwyn was thus
gladly sacrificing rank and riches for
love, Count Hans Won HoChberg, heir to
the Duchy of Rohnstock, was standing
at an altar in New York state with
Fraulein Louise Carow, German shop
girl, for whose sake he had abandoned
his claim to the family estate and dig
mites. u am going to earn my living
as a chauffeur" this young hero OF ro-
nance said; and / know that l shall
be happier sharing a poor home with
the woman l love than if l were Duke
of Rohnstock with 100000 year, but
without her
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14

TT is not generally known that Mil
ton, the author Of Paradise Lost"
one of the most stately and ma
jestic poems in the English language
once wrote a punning epitaph on the
carrier who piled between Cambridge
and London and who sickened in the
time of his vacancy being forbid to go
To London bv reason Of the plague" to
quote the poets own words. The car
rier was none other than that Hobsol.
whose choice" has become so famous.
1t appears that he used to let out his
horses on hire. but. no matter how
pressing the need. the traveller had TO
take the horses Hobson offered or none,
so that today the phrase "Hobson's
choice" is used to signify no choice It
all.
MHton's poem written on the death
of this carrier is too long to quote in
full. but one or two passa gcs will suf-
fee to show with what skill he played
with words
Rest. that gives all men life, gave him
his death,
And too much breathing put him out Of
breath;
Nor were it contradiction to affirm
Too long vacation fastened on mis-
term"
And again he says referring to Hob
sons prosperity:
Yet tstrange to think his vain was
his increase"
Inveterate Punsters.
Nor is Milton the only poet whose
works have become immortal who
stopped to pun. Shakespeare as Is
well known, was an inveterate punste1,
and DR.. Johnson in his preface to an
edition of the poets works, severely
censures him for playing with words on
serious occasions. For example, in an
swer to King Richards question:
What comfort, man? How list with
ancient Gaunt2" the playwright puts
into the mouth of Gaunt the words:
80 how that name BELTS my compost
ton. old Gaunt, indeed. and gaunt in
being old Within me grief has kept
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
Why Should She2

Come, now, Hemina," said the
Whtechapel bridegroom, you're go
in TO - obey when You comes to
IL I'm the service. Amt you@'
"Wut. me- cried the bride. Ne S'v
obey TO YOU Why. blow me. En-
merry, you amt arf me size"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
No Use for Him.

I've got you down for a couple of
tickets. We're getting up a rattle for
a poor man of our neigh"
None for me- thank you. l wouldn't
know what to do with poor man if I
won him"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
Got Nothing on Auntie.

Tommy don't think auntic viii
stay: she didn't bring any luggage.
Johnny-Hush, Look how long the
baby has stayed, and he didn't bring
ANYTHING
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
New Evidence.

why do YOU want a new trial?"
ION the grounds Of newly discovered
evidence, your honor"
whats the nature Of it,"
MY client dug up $500 that / didn't
know he had"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
High Enough.

"Oh. Jack. I must have a new dress
for MurieFs party"
Dress. dress-nothing but dress,
Haven't you a mind for anything high
er than dress? ."
Higher? Yes, need a new hat
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14

TTABITS. which encrust us like bar
II nacles before we are aware of
their existence, begin when we
are too young to know what the word
means. I'VE are all creatures of habit,
We say as we grow older and expect
that admission to serve as an excuse,
which is only another bad habit l hope
my girls will never acquire.
There are so many million things to
which a girl may grow deaf, dumb,
blind and paralytic, all from habit. She
grows deaf to the tone of authority in
her mothers voice dumb, when giving
her confidence to her mother would be
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
Ought to Get It.

"On what ground do you seek a di-
vorce. maGam?"
"Incompatibility. ! want a divorce
and my husband doesn't"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
Do You Know
That

Some remarkable statements about
the effect of music on the growth cs
hair are made by Mr. Henri DeParville
Musicians, it appears, are bald in he
proportion Of eleven per cent. but
amongst instrumentalists the influence
Of musical vibrations makes itself felt
in two opposite directions, according 10
the class Of instrument. Thus, while
string instruments prevent and arrest
the falling off of the hair, the brass in
struments exercise the most deadly in
huence upon the scalp. The piano and
the violin, especially the former, have
an undeniable preservatlye effect. The
violoncello the harp and the double
bass all partake of the beneficial ef-
fects Of the piano. on the other hand,
the effect of the brass is deplorablc.
The trombone is the most deleterious
of all for in five or six years the play
er has lost at least 50 per cent Of his
hair.
Billibid prison, al Manila. was the
scene recently of the production of n
play, written, staged and acted by pris-
oners, in a theater specially built by
prisoners. and before an audience com
posed of prisoners.
A peculiar fact about the banana is
that no insect will attack it. and an
other is that it is immune from the
diseases that fruits are subject TO.
According to the latest golf statistics
American golfers buy 100000 golf
balls year.
The worlds record for pole jumping
is 13 feet l inch
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14

THAT love often makes fool OF
the cleverest men in history fur
nishes abundant proofs, ever since
@ad long before Mark Anthony fell I'M
or the spell of Cleopatra's dark eyes
md crowded a career of folly with sui
eide.
sheridan revealed in the role of hack
rey-coa Gilman for the pleasure of driv-
ing his adored Nightingale of Bath"
To- her home night after night and ex-
changing love glances with her under
the eyes of her msuspecting father:
and Canning put on groom's livery and
did stable work in exchange for the de-
light of escorting, as groom in attend
auce. his masters daughter in her daily
rides.
William Pitt most unsentimental of
men. as he considered himself, was 50
intoxicated by the charms of a pretty
maid of Devon that he drank her health
out of one of her dainty shoes; and Mir.
Sellwood a notable man of the day,
actually served rs footman in the house
If the lady he loved for 20 long years,
until her husbands death set her free
TO accompany him to the altar
And so it has always been-from
the German baron who had his right
hand cut off because it had accidentally
struck the cheek of the woman whose
little finger was more to him than his
whole body, to the gilded young French
nobleman who served years of appren-
ticeship TO the law and won fame as
an advocate to prove to his lady love
that he was not the butterfly of pleas
ure she fancied.
Peasant Girl and Count.
There is no year that does not yield
its crop Of similar stories of men who
have proved that no sacrifice is too
great to win lady's favor. When the
youthful Count Francis Erbach sue
cumbed at sight of a peasant girl whom
he met one day when riding in the for
est al Erbach, he determined that she
and no other should be his wife. cost
what it might. That Anna Schultz
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-14
"a A Matter of Habit
BY BEATRICE FAIRFAX.

Habit is all | shall have TO re-
port when I am called upon to plead
to my conscience, on my death bed.
Habit says /; I was deaf, dumb,
blind and paralytic to million
things from habit.
-DOMBEY & son.
Evening journal., 1913-03-14
HOROSCOPE
MARCH IA.

The birthstone Of this birthdate is
the moonstone. although astrologers
give also the chrysolite.
The sign is Pisces, governing the
feet.
The planets are Jupiter and Nep-
tune Children OF this birthdate are
apt to be stubborn. restless, hard to
govern and dificult to understand.
They seem TO possess great energy,
but are not willing to concentrate and
should be made to feel responsibility
for their acts.
These children will be over gener-
GUS and give away all they have un-
less they are carefully guarded.
Persons OF this birthdate will be
very proud, independent and aggres-
sive and the men make their way in
the world while the women do better
in business pursuits than in the home.
woman born on this date should
never marry a man born between No
vember % and December 21. She
will be constantly demanding explana-
tions and reasons for which he has a
great aversion.
The mind of this birth date always
asks why" so be careful This day
favors the advertising of rooming
houses for sale, Of hotels and
Of manufacturing plants through the
Want Ads
Musicians may use the Want Ads
with profit during the coming three
days.
Evening journal., 1913-03-14
Go to Bermuda

Tours, Inc. Hotels, Shore Excursions Low
est Rates. 8. s. "BERMUDIAN'' (the shin
used by President Elect WILSON,. Sails
every Wednesday. 10 a.. m. Twin screw
1851 tons displacement. Submarine sig.
nails: orchestra: wireless. Record trim
80 hours 20 minutes. Fastest, newest and
only Steamer landing Messengers at the dock
in Bermuda without transfer. s. S. "ORO-
TAVA" 10,O63 tons displacement; snils
every Tuesday. beginning February 1. Tick.
cts interchangeable with r. NJ. S. p. Co.
WEST INDIES
New s. 8. Guiana and other steamers fort.
nightly for St. Thomas. St. Croix ST. kits.
Antigua Guadaloupe. Dominica, Martinique.
st. Lucia Barbados and Demerara
For full information apply TO A. E. OUTER.
BRIDGE & CO.. Agents Quebec s. s. 90.
Ltd, % Broadway. New York. JOHN CRAIG,
lot ". Ninth street. or any dcket agent.
Evening journal., 1913-03-14

E OR sALE-ALL OUR 35c fOc PURE
II California Wines 81 30c per quart. Can;
be beat Keil, 500 p. Fourth st. mi2 H.
Evening journal., 1913-03-14

The Wants will show opportuni-
ties for advancement-better Jobs,
better means of living. increased op-
portunities. Advancement and sue
cess.-Adv.
Evening journal., 1913-03-14
PROPOSALS
PROPOSALS.
MACADAN ROAD.


GoTICE-S Sealed Proposals, addressed in
writing 10 the New Castle County Highway
Commissioner az his Office. 3O4 and 3o5
building a macadam road In St. Georges Hun
dred, county Of New Castle and state Of
Delaware, will be received by said highway
commissioner at his Offices, 304 and 305
Church Building. Tenth and Market streets,
Wilmington. Delaware, until 10 o'clock noon,
on March is, 1918, for building water
bound macadam road, known as the Odessa
st. Georges Road, by way Of Boyd's Corner,
extending in Dortherly direction from
Odessa by way OF Boyd's Corner, about three
miles
All said bids or proposals must be made
upon blank forms 70 be obtained from said
highway commissioner az his said Office and
the bids for this road must be accompanied
with a certified check for $500. payable TO
the president OF the Levy Court OF New Castle
county or with a bond 10 the State Of Della
ware. in the sum Of $500 as surety that II a
proposal be accepted contract will be en-
tered into.
Plans and specifications can be seen a. the
once Of said commissioner on after March
g. 1913. The right to reject any all
bidF.is expressly reserved a deposit Of ss. 90
Is required 10 secure a set of these plans and
specihcations 70 be refunded upon their
return. JAMES WILSON.
New Castle County State Highway Commits
sioner feh27-mar3 q. s1t.14
Evening journal., 1913-03-14

Il OR RENT-619 SPRINGER STREET 8
IT rooms and bath Woodlawn Company, No.
COL Grant Ave. feb1-tf