davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11
HUAOR or THE DIP

Gibbs-"Doctor Smart says 1t requires
lots of patience to run automobile
Dibbs-"we1l, he's got the patients =
Boston Transcript.
Remember ii is the early bird that
catches the worn.' 1T wouldn't II the
worm wasn't silly enough to be early
too.'-Baltimore American.
Jackson-''Whewi that's some clfffi',
Johnson-"Seems to fascinate you" Jack
son-"Yes. That's the way my desk will
look when I get back."-Judge.
Does your maid ask for many evenings
outY' mo" That's good" "She takes
'em."-Baltimorek american.
81 wish had a fairy tale to read,
Here's the seed catalogue. "-Washingtou
Herald
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11
GLOBE SIGHTS
BY THE ATCHIsoN GLOBE.
A new race question is the chauffeur.

A new race question is the chauffeur.
Every man thinks he is doing a
great work at smashing superstition.
A lot of men tremble when they hear
of vice commissions.
A small boy never loses the hope
that the soap factories will finally give
out.
AS we understand it. a. woman is
happily married whose husband is
afraid of her
Every investigation conducted by a
man you don't like is a farce or po-
litical movement.
A woman can stow away more pro-
visions in an 8x10 refrigerator than a
man can in a warehouse.
If somebody will write an article
on how to dress on $3.50 a year the
writer will agree to look it over.
An Atchison man will leave tomorrow
for Mexico, a press dispatch having
stated that that is a land of enforced
idleness.
While a little boy may think his
favorite fruit is cherries he will just
naturally transfer his preference to
peaches as he grows older.
People are constantly urged not to
speak unexpectedly about the dead.
but no one seems to care how much
gossip is spread about the living
Alter all an Olu-LdSnlOned morse ana
buggy, which a young man can drive
holding the reins in his teeth, has GER
tain advantages over an automobile
Whenever a man begins to tell his
wife that he has been mighty good to
her and that she shouldn't prefer the
word of an old gossip to his, depend
on it, he is guilty.
The Lord created Adam, did a good
job of it and was proud of it until
Adam ate the core of a rotten apple.
The Devil became Jealous of the Lord,
because Adam was a superb figure and
also undertook to make a man but he
blew too much breath into him and
produced Jude Johnson, who has been
blowing ever since he was born about
what he knows and does, but has never
done a days work.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Japan does not propose to enter into
quibbling discussions on the compati-
bility of the alien and land laws of
California and other states with the
terms of her treaty with us. The en-
phasiS. of the latest Japanese note, like
that of the original protest, is placed
on the broad racial questions involved
and on the right of International equal
ity. In other words the mikado's po-
sition is that the Japanese is as good
as any other man, and privately per-
haps holds that he is a little better.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11
says UNCLE CIV

The man Whea6rst said that there is
no rest for the wicked did credit
neither to his heart nor his head. None
of us is. SO cruel that he would wish
than a few of us are beginning to sus-
pect that the man whom we might thus
damn today we might wish to bless to-
morrow. We might be embarrassed to
find that we had wished upon him the
everlasting hop-skip-and-jump only to
discover that We had the wrong bunch.
Nor is it particularly logical to expect,
giving the saying it's more likely
meaning, that conscience is going to
keep the branding iron sizzling on the
side of the chap who. can't agree with
us upon questions of morals and boss
trades. If you are speaking of rest
when you employ this thinly sugar
coated Recommendations, you'd heap bet
ter be putting your thoughts on the
other side of the proposition. II the
wicked are constantly busy, the
righteous should be continually hump
ing themselves. There are a lot of
us who consider a self-immputed
righteousness a substitute for work
wicked flourish, as the green bay tree
while some of the just-as-good saints
are puny as the late turnips in a shift
less neighbor to Mrs. Wigs cabbage
patch.
Too many of US are Ioafing around
wings to grow. Virtue in those who
most loudly profess its profession has
been too long considered a permit good
for one life of idlenss and bliss. The
fellow who seeks. this way to the
bright golden shore never stopped to
reflect that idleness and ecstacy are
never long companions. One reason
why the wicked look happier than some
of those who call themselves right
eous may be that the wicked keep
e. -%o ,3,,I 49,
blossomed in the brain that didn't have
a more or less active pair of arms and
legs at its command. Stagnation equals
damnation and the definition is good
for all practical purposes Its just pos
sible that there's more moral virtue in
movement than in meditation.
The end of the matter is that you
aren't righteous unless you work. at it
right gladly. Too many theories about
goodness spoil the soup. If you are a
whited sepulchre full of dead emotions,
you're a long way from any particular
earthly or heavenly bliss to which you
may aspire. No creed ever invented,
religious, philosophical or political, was
ever yet good for free transportation
to the places that you want to go.
You've got to walk or pay your fare.
If you think you're better than the
other fellow it's pretty good bunch |
to quit spending your time picking out
the particular kind of punishment
you'd like to mete to him here and
hereafter. and find out just how far
you've got along the road to the place !
of bliss that you have assumed is your |
own. You may find that you're going |
in the wrong direction of you're moving |
at ALL Furthermore. if you're so all |
fired good, it's up to you to en1ighten |
the darkness about you. And that's
a job that won't give you much time to |
loaf or pick at your unregenerate !
neighbor. Let the righteous hump |
hemselves.-(Copyrigh 1913 by the |
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11
A Trip to the Moon.

OF course. nobody wants to go
there, but Robert Esnault Peiterie. of
the French Physical society, declares
that it is perfectly possible to make
a trip to the moon in As hours in a
closed vessel driven by $4,000
horse powered motor. He scouts the
idea that he is growing like Verne
and says his plan is practicable and
within the range of mechanical ac-
complishments. AS there is no atmos-
phere between this planet and the
moon, other than about 90 miles, pro-
pellers would be no good, he says.
The power would have to be some
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11
FROM OTHER PENS
SAVING AND SPENDING.

|
Stuyvesant Fish, the railway mag
| nate, has delivered himself of the opin-
| ion that Americans are extravagant.
| He calls us a nation of spendthrifts.
| During hard times" he says, I'VE are
forced to be prudent and thrifty, and
| in consequence get rich faster than
we do in what we call prosperous
times
If everyone pinches, trade will lang
uish, employment become harder to
obtain, and still more pinching will be
necessary to meet losses in profits and
fall in wages. Therein lies the fallacy
of the theory that universal parsimony
adds to the wealth of the nation.
One class of people alone profit by
universal saving. That is the class
from which the United States has suf-
fered most in the past, and has most
to fear today-the frenzied f1nanciers
and monopolists. The savings of the
people become the tool of the men or
ganizing the big trusts, selling upon
natural resources or financing wildly
speculative scenes.
For remember the money with which
the big inanciers fix the yoke of mon
opoly upon the necks of the people
is not their own, but the savings of
the people themselves.
The American people spend more per
capita than any other people on earth.
But they produce more Their trade
Their liberal expenditure is an essential
to their liberal production and active
domestic commerce.
1t is what a people spend. quite as
much as what they save, that adds to
a nations wealth.
The mania for saving which makes
the individual hard and misery is one
thing; and the saving which means
sobriety, industry, home ownership, in
tegrity, good citizenship and education
of children is quite another.-Memphis
News Scimitar.
PEACE PLANNING MOVES.
President Taft had the question of
international peace well in hand and
the plan devised for attaining it. The
opposition of a portion of the senate
was sufficient, however, to defeat the
treaties and President Wilson has
adopted a slightly different course to
realize the same end.
1t is well that one president sue
ceeds another where both are of the
same mind in favor of the peace of
the world and of securing it by solemn
agreement.
Secretary Bryan represents that no
less than eight nations, including
some of the most important. have re-
sponded favorably to his proposal that
peace plans be entered upon between
them. The plan is a perfectly simple
one, though several points are in
vowed III 1t, the great point De1nR
that before there shall be war between
nations that are parties to the COM
pact, there shall be an investigation
of every dispute that shall arise be-
fore the nations involved shall go to
war.
This plan differs from the Taft
plan chiefly in providing thus far for
looking over the ground before en-
gaging in the fight. The Taft plan,
which was practically agreed to by
a n
have every dispute settled by arbi-
tration.
War would be unthinkable. Under
it on the Bryan plan the idea is a
word before blow, instead of blow
before the word. Either plan is vast
ly better than no plan at all, or the
rough method of adjusting disputes
now in vogue.-Buffalo News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

NOISE.
The loudest brayin' mule is not
The one that hauls the load.
The quiet one just buckles in
And yanks it long the road.
The loudest soundin' oatmobile
Amt always got most power.
The quiet runnin' gas machine
Plugs long hour after hour.
The loudest band is not the one
We like the best to hear.
And it is not the one that makes
Sweet music to the ear.
The feller with the gift of CAB
May make a splurge and yet
The quiet Teller is the one
On whom you want to bet.
Roy K. Moulton
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State Journal
away from home during the summer
may have the paper mailed regularly
each day to any address at the rate
of ten cents a week or thirty cents
a month (by mail only. Address
changed as often as desired. While
out of town the State Journal will be
to you like daily letter from home.
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

A Columbus, o., man. accused of
murder. denied and was acquitted by a
jury. Subsequently he confessed that
he was guilty. But how can one be-
lieve a man like that
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

In an editorial intended to dissuade
New Workers from answering the call
to the Kansas harvest fields the New
York Mail says: "a tender-palmed
New Yorker would not, in a Kansas
harvest field, be worth the soft-soap
that would be needed to take the sand
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

The trouble in the West Virginia
coal fields is to be threshed out in the
courts. The indictment of labor lead
ers on the charge of maintaining a
trust may go far toward settling the
whole trust problem.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Several seniors in an eastern uni
versity have been refused their d.
plomas because they can't SWIM Next
we know, college students will be held
up for not knowing anything about
United States history.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

off his hands at nightfall. 1t requires
a strong man to follow a Kansas reap
er in a hot field all day and keep up
his station A full-sized man, with har-
dened muscles and weathere skin!"
Evidently the editor thinks Kansas
farmers are still binding grain by
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The state Journal is a member OF the
Associated Press and receives the fuil DAY
Telegraph report of that great news NJ
ganixaffon for the exclusive afternoon
publication IN Topeka
The news is received In The state jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Instead of attempting to confiscate
the earnings of the tobacco trust, why
doesn't Attorney General McReynolds
confiscate the stock and distribute it
among the independents?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

thing like a rocket of compelling
strength. The first stage would be
rising through atmosphere by force;
the second, going through a vacuum
by gravity. It's only 100000 odd
miles-and the professor is willing to
let any one try it who has the neces-
sary hankerfng and equipment.-Bal-
timore Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Considering the difficulty the sena-
tors have in recognizing them, why
doesn't the president compel each of
the lobbyists to provide himself with
a. fife and drum corps?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

It's rather hard on the Mexican in
surrectos. They are compelled to go
right on insurrecting with nobody
paying any attention to them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

The British suffragettes have got, at
last, the martyrdom they have been
after. The woman who stopped the
kings horse at the derby is dead.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

And to think that all these years
the senator's didn't have sagacity
enough to look under the bed every
night for lobbyists.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Putting Jack Johnson in Jail is much
like killink the goose that lays the
golden egg.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Anyhow, those nine Cornell stu
dents who are taking a course in
cooking won't have to say anything
to their wives about the way their
mothers used to do it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

DR.. Woods Hutchinson says there is
nothing the matter with the American
stomach. 1t is evident that the doc
tor never attended a supper where lob
ster was served
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

That decision at Marquette is one
on which probably there will be nc
demand fer a recall.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Mr. Yoakum is in no position to stand
that reduction in salary, now that
son-in-law has been added to his fam
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Scribbler-''Now, dear, can't come and
take the baby. Don't you see am very
Mrs. Scribbler-sI'n do nothing of the
kind, Henry. You must come. Just re-
member that the servant girls time is
worth exactly four dollars week.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Little Switzerland should be among
the happiest of nations. She is not
compelled to tax herself to maintain
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Senator Penrose has declared for
direct primaries. Next we may ex-
pect to hear from Uncle Serene Payne.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

ST want to be procrastinated at de next
corner. said Mr.. Erastus Pinkly You
want to be what?" demanded the con-
ductor- Don lose your temper. I had
to look in de dictionary myself befo'
found out dat 'procrastinate' means put
off, Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

In spite of all the free notices we
don't know even yet what brand of
soap September Morn" advertises.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

The Balkan war is supposed to be
over, but the powers will do we'll not
to rattle sticks on the fence.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

SIX CENTs IN HISTORY.

Another very interesting chapter was
added to American history when a for
mer president of the United States was
officially awarded the sum of six cents
as damages to his reputation. Future
generations, unfortunately, will forget
the interesting facts now so fresh in
the public mind and the unrelenting
historians, searching only for the fea-
lures that mark the milestones of
mans life, will lay more stress on
the six-cent verdict than upon the le-
gal vindication of character that went
with it.
Colonel Roosevelt is indeed to be
congratulated upon having establish
ed the fact legally and officially that
he does not get drunk. Regardless OF
what his copious cellar may contain
for the irrigation of pilgrims who jour
ney from Kansas and other abstemiouS
territory to the shrine at Oyster Bay,
1t has been legally declared that the
colonel is no drunkard and the verdict
should be final. 1t should be accepted
by friends and foes alike and the
charge of intemperance should be ST.
fenced forever
Editor Newett performed a. great
service for his country when he made
it possible, without further contro-
versy for it to be settled once for all
that former president of this nation
does not drink to excess. The verdict
Of the jury would no doubt have been
what II was anyway. out Mr.. NeWeLt
course made such a verdict certainty.
Independence Reporter.
TO PENSION WIDOWS.
A campaign to educate the people of
Kansas to the point of pensioning
widows with dependent children is on.
1t is expected to so arouse public senti-
ment before the meeting of the next
legislature that the passage of such a
humane measure will be assured. AS it
10 fhn
her children they are taken from her
and kept at the expense of the state in
some institution. How much better to
leave them with the mother and assist
her in caring for them! In every case
her children the state should see to il
that they are brought up by her. That
is the humane way and in that way
better citizens will be made.-Leaven-
worth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Apparently the only peaceable Mex
lean is the dead Mexican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11
ON TIE SPUR
OF THE MOMENT
Signs of the Times.
BY ROY K. MOULTON.

Signs of the Times.
But no woman was ever quite so slender
as these depicted in the fashion plate
journals.
kissing games have been placed under
the ban at Yonkers, N. Y. But the great
metropolis is only half hour away.
In the last seven years the population
has increased IL per cent. In other words,
it Just about keeps pace with the cost of
living.
Secretary Daniels has changed great
MANY of the marine terms, but hasn't
vet found a new name for seasickness.
A prominent author says novel writing
doesn't pay, but it pays as well as novel
reading, at that.
Basil King says a woman's character
is nodded by the clothes she wears. 1t
is a wonder Isadora Duncan and Mary
Garden have any character at all.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

Belle Passay-.-I'rn tired of being pur-
sued for my money. I'm going to- the
country and pose as poor girl. and wait
for the first man who offers himself"
Blanche Tnnit-.-WelI you stand the coun-
try in summer well enough, but you'll
find the winters just horrfd. PUCK
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

A belief that the race is not always TIC
the swift no doubt accounts for our wide
spread confidence in tips.-Puck-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11
From the HickeyvilIe Clarion.

Lem Higgins never Travelled on rail
rud train for fear of accidents, SO he
stayed at home and a chimney fell on him
and landed him in the hospital.
A Teller came along here and tried to
git a moVin' picture of the town marshal
of Hickeyville, but the marshal oldn I
away disguised.
1t looks as though there wouldn't be
much farnin' done in our vicinity this
summer. Nearly every Teller is settin
around the general store waitin' fer let
ter from Washington appointing him pust-
master of village.
Deacon Pringle has got mewl which
is the stubbornest critter in our township
When the deacon wants the mewl to stop
he boilers "Giddap" and when he wants
the mewl to start he hollers whoa" so
the mewI does just what the deacon wants
him to without KNOWN IT. The deacon
uses the same system on his wife:
Hank Tumms says he has practfced un-
til he can be polite to anybody excepting
a life insurance agent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11
BY THE WAY
BY HARYEY PARsONs.

The u. s. department of agriculture
forecasts a bumper wheat crop. As
the u s. D. of A. knows as much
about it as the professional crop kill
ers, it may he called a draw.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-06-11

But anything the U. S. d. of A.
can say about it will have little effect
at this time. Ii will not make the
crop any larger and the report was
not issued in time to interfere with
the crop killers in their plan to skin
the market.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1913-08-20
Rooms Wanted

In order to furnish adequate ac-
commodation for the many visitors
who are expected to be in Willmar
for the Elks' Convention, August 20,
p and %, it will be necessary to Sc
cure rooms at private houses. Peo-
pie Of the city, therefore, who have
spare rooms that they are willing to
rent on these dates are requested to
communicate with F. E. Alderman,
at the earliest possible date, stating
how many rooms they have avail
able, and also if they will be willing
to provide breakfasts in addition to
the rooms. The committee in charge
Of accommodations have fixed on
prices Of Soc per night for each per-
son occupying a room and Soc per
person for breakfasts.
Visitors will be assigned to rooms
in the order in which applications
are filed with Mr.. Alderman. Get in
your applications early.
Committee on Reservations. ::
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1913-08-20

Miss Ainsworth is wearing some
swell gowns this season and she will
win her way right into the hearts of
those who have not seen her, while
those who have seen her have not
forgotten. Miss Ainsworth is young
and has risen rapidly in her profess
sion, until now she is great favor
tie from coast to coast. Sparkling
and scintillating like sunbeam, her
audience watch every graceful move
ment-she smiles and they smile
she laughs, they laugh-she sings,
they hang upon every word, and
when the last note dies way, they
are as she leaves them, in smiles OF
in tears. The entire company sup
porting Miss Ainsworth are galaxy
Of stars radiating around her as the
central orb. Would there were more
Rose Ainsworth's in this dreary old
world-more light and brilliancy and
happiness.-Adv.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1913-08-20
wv ARKoWS7

Arctander, Aug. 18-The Ladies
Aid society Of the West Lake Con-
gregation met with Mr.. and Mrs. An
drew Henjum last Sunday.
Mrs. A. Bergman visited at Char
ley Edman's, Sunday.
Miss Alma Nelson came down from
Sisseton, S. OAK, for a few weeks
stay at her home last week.
The Nelson, Christopherson ant
Gunderson young people had q pic
mic at Norway Lake Sunday.
Miss Clara Hjelle is staying a
Martin Syverson's this week.
Miss Selma Gunderson is assistin:
Mrs. E. Edman with the houseworl
this summer. -.
Mrs. Christ Roisum is visiting a
S. S. Reigstad's this week. !.
Gust Adams made a trip to New
London last week. "a
Otto Negaard is putting up new
addition to his house this summer. 2
Melvin Nordin called at H. Mel
sons Sunday. ~..:;-.. -