The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-10
ON PIE SPUR
OF TIE AOMENT
n Paws to BE PoIite.

4
A young man who gave up his sleep
J ing berth on a southern railroad to an
old lady received $4,000 under ner
will, when she died month later, al
of which leads me to the compllaeioh
of the following rules:
When a fleshy old gentleman steps
upon your corn while climbing into
his seat at the theater and then STANDS
on it for a minute or two while noo-
ding to an acquaintance in the rear
of the house, do not call him an anti
quated bonehead or an ivorybeaneo
old galoot, but smile upon him gra-
ciously and offer him the other loot
marks about the weather and ask
after the state of health of his family.
Then go out and buy him a bouquet
| of violets and present it to him.
! who looks as though she might have
money, sticks an umbrella point in
your eye. lift your hat politely and ask
her if she won't have an ice cream
soda.
If a gentleman in the train piles his
| baggage in your seat while you are in
the smoker, give him good cigar and
4 sit on the floor
| If a man runs you down with an
automobile and breaks all of your ribs
and one of the lamps on his car, send
American Beauties as soon as you are
| out of the hospital
| There are thousands of occasions
| of this kind of which you may take
| advantage and which may pan out
well. You never can tell just who Is
going to die and leave money or just
whom they are going to leave 1t to.
| From the HickeyviIIe Clarion.
| Our highway commissioner. Mr..
| Lage Tubbs, is looking around for a
| new traction engine for the township,
| but he won't get one unless it has cleo
1 fv-ifa 1srrI,4 NJ
township does ont intend to be behind
any other township in this state and
| nothing old fashioned goes.
Anse Judson's oatmobile is a self
| starter. That is-he starts ii himself.
One of Lem Higgins sons is mar
ried and the other one doesn't have
much fun either.
! When a Teller is a crack billiard
; player it amt necessary to ask what
he does for a Twin for he don't do
nothing.
| Every time our constable buys a tin
cup fer the town pump there is hints
at graft and somebody believes he
| should be investigated.
The common council is making
! some money fer the town these days
by rentin' out the hook and ladder to
fellers that are tryin' to reach the
high cost of Twin by painting church
steeples.
Rev. Hugnutt says the young people
of the Hard Shell church have got to
stop writin' love letters in hymn books
and passin' 'em along to their sweet
hearts. Some of the old folks git a
hold of 'em occasionally and when
they do their singin' sounds foolish.
Miss Pansy Tfbbitts, our elocution-
ist is thinkin' some of goin' on the
stage and the folks around here hope
she will, as 1t will take her away from
home a good deal.
Anne Hilliker's nose is so red that it
singes his r-1ustache. Anne was brought
/ up in drug store county
| About the most appetizin' thing I
know is to see a soda clerk with an
apron on that looks like a pirate flag.
! Luke Higgins has got the best oat-
mobile in the world, but he is willing
Z to sell it at a sacrifice, as he wants
1 to get a better one.
You can't always judge the neigh
Dor by the clothes that hung out on
! the line.