davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-10-25

Says the Washington JIcrald "sirs
Pankhurst is not particularly vel
come. but as n woman and, mother.
Uncle Sam is big enough and broad
minded enough to open mis- doors TO
har." Under those conditions. better
make 3, Aunt sam
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-10-25

In' logdly babies taking the crisp
aN o' autumn are the prc,,iest sights
n Richmond these days. not ,scusjn
tile girls
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08
Not Guilty as ALLEGED.

The man had been accused Of CON-
hitting an annoyance by flashing a
mirror in the eyes Of passersby.
"You are quite mistaken" he said to
the big policeman. 81 haven't any
mirror. What these people saw was
the reflection of my shining serge coat
I'm a married man. and the coat is
four years old"
And. turning hastily, he threw the
dazzling reflection from his back and
elbows into the poiceman's dazzled
eyes. And by the time the officer re
covered he was well on his way
CLEVELAND Pisi. n~~'--
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08
She Wasn't TactfuI.

Wife-Henry. you need a rest Let
us go to Bongtong Springs. Hub-That
place! Why, it's only fit for women
and fools! Wife, know 1t. Let's 60
there together Boston Transcript.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08
FOR SALE

FOR SALE-203 acres ones mile from
corporation. well improved; on Har-
vey road For information see Frank
Valouch or J. # Yak. BRYAN. Texas.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08
FOR RENT

FOR RENT-Four room house with
hall Mrs. v Parizek.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08
ANDREWS AND ROGERS FUND

Contributions to the fund for the two
colored men who rendered such faith
full service at the county convict camp
when .'sub4rintendent McMinn was
killed, haze been received, as fol-,
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08

FOR RENT-Three furnished rooms
for light housekeeping. Phone 44o.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08

FOR RENTING furnished rooms
for light housekeeping. All modern
ccnvaniences: close in. Phone 47O.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08

WANTFD-To rent five room house
on East Side Reasonable rent
Phone SIS. 49,
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08

WANTED-Houses to rent. If you
want to rent your house put an ad
In The Eagle. We have calls for resi-
dences almost every day. Try 4Oc
local in the classified ad column.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08

FARM MANAGER WANTED Good
position open for competent man
ager for Brazos bottom farm in Bra
zoria County. Address Farmer; care
Bryan Eagle Bryan. Texas.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08

WANTED-Young man Of good habits
and pleasing address. to clerk in
store. Address "M." care Eagle office.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08
CLASSIFIED ADS
WANTED

W.aNTED--Traveler; beginner sal;
a1y; commission and expense
money. Liberal offer and agreement.
J. e. McBrady. Chicago.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-11-08

WANTED - Business Proposition.
Partner for clean cut amusement
enterprise Big money to be made on
small investment Each put dollar for
dollar must get immediate action. An
swer PIX Eagle office. If interested.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

ernoon that I cut you pretty close on
money matters. l suppose l ought to
make you a regular weekly allowance,
and then you can depend on having just
50 much"
Its awfully sweet and kind of you"
30 taffy. my dear" laughed Mr..
Bowser. Il was going to say S per
week, but l guess I'll make it SO. If
that won't do you let me know later on
and I'll make it SIS or SO"
Mrs. Bowser looked at him through
her tears and called him the best-hearted
and most loving husband in the world.
If a neighbor had come in just then 10
create an interruption all would have
been well. but fate willed it otherwise
In his great good nature, which is the
average husband is the prelude of a row,
Mr.. Bowser whistled a merry air and
stroked the family cat and planned with
himself TO buy Mrs. Bowser a hundred
dollar cloak next day as a surprise. He
was growing real frolicsome when she
ventured to say:
Had you just as soon look over three
or four little bills which have come in
during the week."
Bills" echoed Mr.. Bowser. as his
whistle cut short off and he cuffed the
cat off his knee. Il always pay cash
down, and I don't know anything about
bills. Where are they?'
"'You-you didn't happen TO have the
change and you told me to 60 ahead"
she said, as she produced three or four
papers. "A water pipe burst one day.
you know, and you told me to send for
the plumber. Here is his bill. and I'm
sure it's a very reasonable one"
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14
DOWN ON SAM WHITE

II have it down."
And that when he was told he must
die he exhibited great stoicism and did
not utter a single complaint"
Yes. Anything more?"
add to that something to the effect
that he had been a tramp for twenty
years, and that he died as he had lived
without bringing disgrace to the cloth.
Hitch on a trailer by saying that he has
gone to his reward. You needn't make
any guesses as to where he has gone to
or what the reward is. but leave it an
open question. 1 want to make Sam feel
as bad as l kim
Then he injured your" queried the
doctor. r
He did, and I never kin forgive him.
After trampin' with me fur ten years he
left me to open a grocery and become an
alderman and gin other tramps the cold
boot and disgraced the purfesh. Put It
strong to him and finish up by sayin'
that the most superficial observer could
see that was gentleman, and that my
gain is the les OF the fraternity. II you
have room you kin say that-that-"
That he passed quietly away and the
railroad company buried him at It's own
expense" finished the doctor. as he turn
ed away from the dead.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

= cents for : small pane OF gloss, Mrs
Bowser? The cook probably got mad be-
cause found fault with the coffee and
stood before the window and deliberately
kicked out a pane of glass TO get even
I'll keep it out OF her wages! What else?''
You know told you that the lock on
the basement door was out OF order?"
Never! Never heard the slightest al
fusion to IT."
And you said should send for lock-
| smith,"
Never, Never"
And the bill is forty cents
Forty cents! Forty cents for two
minutes work And il that lock was out
Of order how came it so? Did that cook.
in order to get even with me again, stand
there with a crowbar and whack ond
lab and pound until she broke the lock?
That's forty cents more out Of her
wages Are these alp
Yes. II you don't feel like paying
them I'll do it out of my weekly allow
ance. The whole thing only amounts to
$40"
Your weekly allowance?" he repeated.
Mrs Bowser, have you weekly al
lowance from a royalty or an estate?"
You said you'd give me one, you
know"
Never! II I said anything at all touch
ing the subject it was to the effect that
il you had an allowance you'd pay a
81 a pound for sausages!
Then YOU can send mother S and pay
these bills with the rest" she suggested.
Mother? Five dollars? You may or
may not have a mother, Mrs. Bowser-
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

A freight train had struck an open
switch and a score of cars had been
piled up in the ditch OF the three
tramps stealing a ride on the bumpers
two were taken out dead and the third
fatally injured. When the doctor had told
him that he could not live beyond an
hour, the Uayfarer replied:
That's cutting it pretty short, but IN
not kicking. I've no relations. but thar's
a Teller out in Chicago wish you'd drop
line to. His name is Sam White, and
we used to be pards."
what shall say to him?' asked the
doctor, as he prepared to make notes.
ct want you to speak Of the accident
and say among the distinguished pas
sengers on the Inflated train was MI.
William Burton. I've allus been called
Bill but you kin make it William this
once"
IAN right"
Say that he was on his way to Florida
to spend the winter at a first-class re-
sort.
Yes"
"And that search of his personal ef-
fects brought to light the sum OF sixty
cents in cash and enough grub to last
for two days.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

national air. same as the Star Span
gled Banner The government is re-
sponsible for any damages 1t does, and
YOU can't make me believe to the con-
trary. ! want you to write to Washing
ton at once about 1t. Tell them II they
don't come down with the cash this
county will never go Democratic again."
spent almost half an hour in argu-
ment, and we finally came to mutual
understanding. I was to advise the
government to suppress Yankee Doc.
die and write a poem on the bull, and
Farmer Benson was to give Uncle
Sam a receipt in full for all damages.
This is the poem I turned out:
"a bull did Farmer Benson OWL
spotted, gentle GiuG;
His age 1t was five summer and
His loss Is felt most bitter.
The best Of health that bull he had
His days were always fnsky;
He ambled DER the grassy helds
As If he'd had . whisky.
.'sonetin,es he beard q circus band
A-playing BY the River;
And he would below soft and low.
And feel q thrill and shiver.
and II he heard the German Band
Producing chords Of sorow;
He'd hang his head and wonder
'Twould be q sad tomorrow.
Zone night some friends in human shape
Came Yankee Doodle playing;
They played and sang, they hovled around
Like wolves their prey aslayins.
NJ ',It was an air that spotted bull
Had never met while roaming;
Il kept a-coming like q plague
II pierced the winter cleaning.
"Oh. Yankee Doodle Doodledo,
Oh, Yankee Doodle Dandy:
oh, Yankee Doodle's come to town
To buy his kids some candy.
"a hundred times they sang the verse
The air was oft repeated;
Twas Yankee Doodle b. the hour
Though Farmer B. entreated.
This bull had stood 1t half an hour,
And then his life surendered;
They found the trouble with his heart
By Doodle Yank engineered"
ABE" said the farmer when had
finished reading the poem to him, I'm
going to advertise in the county papers
thar any one suffering grief and sorrow
should call on YOU and have poem writ
ten for them. thought a tarnal lot OF
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

Mrs. Joab white-Four jars Of picked
peaches
Henry Prouty-one bushel Of carrots.
Mrs. Betty Taylor-One crazy quilt
Seek-The-Way 4nornton-One smoked
ham.
Mrs Prudence Green-one gallon Of
vinegar.
Elder John Toppleton-one family
Bible.
Miss Sadie CRATIC One Teddy bear,
with one hind leg bitten OF.
Mark DawsOn-One hen in good condi-
ton.
Mrs. Phoeba scott-one motto Of:
Never Despair-Buck Up"
Wayside Phillips-One ton of hay.
providing John Doe has COW to eat it
Mrs. Janet Wining-Dried pumpkin
enough to make forty pies.
Absolute Smith-Half a barrel of beets
and the same Of cabbage heads
GOOdenough Thompson-One pig six
months old. warranted kind and gentle
Mrs. Nancy Stark-A spinning wheel
that used to belong to her grandmother
There were various other contributions
that space forbids me to enumerate, but
each one calculated to make John Doe
bless the cheerful givers and feel proud
Inal ne Is an American instead OF an
Eskimo.
Then the lat was passed and the sum
Of $50 collected. Modesty compels me
to state that I added s. dollars to this,
and perhaps the gross sum may be
large enough to pay the arrears of the
hired girl
The following resolutions were then
unanimously adopted:
Resolved, That a family ought to live
on $1,000 a year, but
Resolved. That if they can't, owing
to the childrens appetites, then
Resolved, That in case the head OF
the family is a Cabinet officer. and
Resolved, That If he is of a naturally
timber disposition
Resolved, That the government grant
him permission to add TO his stipend by
engaging in vaudeville, the drama, a
circus. the moving pictures, a magic
performance or baseball or fistic en-
counters.
And be it further
Resolved, That if any foreign country
wants a treaty with the United States.
and John Doe can't be found to see to
it, the said country can sit down and
wait till he happens to come home,
b'gosh."
The meeting then adjourned with
cheers for the man who can't live on
$1,000 a year. II other towns will do as
well as Jericho has done, Mr.. Doe will
not only be enabled to have roast duck
twice a week, but save At least IS in
cash every year to provide against old
age or a broken leg.
OLD PAP PINKHAM,
POSTMASTER and PhilanthropisO
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14
Bowser''s Lightning Change

1 do not kHD nor care-but why should
1 send her 2
"You-you aid you would"
Never! II has never occurred to me
in the last fifteen years to ask II you
had parents or were an orphan"
Had Mrs. Bowser lost her hearing?
Had she fallen asleep and dreamed
that Mr.. Bowser had said thus and SO!
Was It Mr.. Bowser sitting there OF
I some one else?
so you have a mother" he carelessly
inquired.
No answer.
Got a mother and want me to send
her s. a week on top Of all the waste
and extravaganza II is high time that
We paused and asked ourselves whittier
we are drifting. Every night for the
last month have dreamed that we were
on the way to the poor house, and have
awoke with a yell and my hair standing
up on end"
Mrs. Bowser crossed the room and sat
down and picked up a book, and MT
Bowser got up and crossed his HANDS
under his coat tails and walked about
He finally stopped before her, and, bal
ancing himself on heels and toes, he
said:
Mrs. Bowser. I had planned to spend
pleasant evening with you. 1 came
home with a heart full of love and
kindness, and I was ready to do any
thing to show how much I appreciated
my home"
But what have I done?' she asked
1T Is useless to thrash over old straw.
Even as ! was thinking Of buying you
costly present as surprise you-you "
Il handed you these bills. said i
would pay them out of my own pocket"
Yes you handed me those bills. I
do not complain of that. l do not COM
plain OF the amount, which is insignih-
can't What want you to understand
is that there is a great underlying prin-
ciple in this matter"
Il don't see IL. 4"
"Of course not-no wife ever does
That is why the press OF the country is
filled with so many murders, Opponents
and divorce cases. I sit down beside you
Of an evening with a heart full Of love
and affection. 1 am hardly seated
when"
when hand you three or four little
bills for repairs TO the house, which you
authorized me to incur!" she interrupted.
Mrs. Bowser." he said, as his thumbs
went up to the armholes OF his vest, lit
is needless 10 say more on the subject.
II you can not discern the great under
lying principle talk is idle. / will retire
TO my library. and should any one call
you can say that 1 am busy-very. very
busy-and that it Is quite likely you may
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

that bull, and I hain't saying I did not
weep when 1 found him dead. but I'm
all right now. I'm feeling in my soul
as balmy as a man with new sticking
plaster on a sore he'll
1 ran in to farmer Shepard's to leave
letter and get a glass OF hot cider and
half a mince pie, and his wife saluted
me with:
"Just the man I wanted to see!'
Want the clock tinkered?'
mot this time. It's a poem on Grand
pa Shores and Grandma Stebbins."
Are they both dead?"
Not a bit OF it. They were married
two days, agor'
''W-h-e-wT
He Is seventy-five and she is seventy
three, but the turtle doves came and they
fell IN love. They want you to write a
poem about it,
But think of two old folks like that!'
Got Just as much right as anybody,
Abe! Go ahead"
And wrote:
The turtle doves they came and sang,
The whipporwiIls did tWitter;
And Cupid walked beneath the moon,
And to and fro did filter.
The big sunnower his head did nod.
The hollyhock was winktng;
Ths roses red they blushed some mofe'
And did lot Of thinking.
And GRANDPA found his aged heart
A-gruwing soft and tender;
And he determined not to be
No more q lone old sander.
And Grandma heard that Cupid can,
And felt 50 girly-girly;
That when the evening breezes signed
Her head went WhiTly-Whrv.
"Ts II too lAtsi Are We too old
The path Of love to fonerr
They querisd thus-the anssT WIS.,
MOI BY your bottom donArF
And 10 they've we'd. and hsppines
VIII roost in eV'ry corner;
And Grandpa he will bess the Gay
That Ms. stebbins born her.
Each others aches and pains they'll soothe
THEY'LL share their Ays and sorrovsi
And let Us hope, despite their yean
They'll see q heap tomorrow
mo children Of their own viii come
To bless their years declining;
But they'll ADOPT soms forty oosA
And need hare no Fepiningf -
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

"By the way" said Mr.. Bowser, as he
looked up from his paper. have you
heard from your mother lately?
mad a letter yesterday" replied Mrs
Bowser, land she asked to be remem-
bered to you"
The dear old soul! l think as much
of her as 1 do OF my own mother. III
give you so tomorrow to buy a nice ut
tie present for her. Is your father Wen
Not very. He's very DID, you know.
"Poor old daddy! There was never a
nicer man in all the world. I'll give you
s.. to buy something for him as well"
You are awfully kind" said Mrs.
Bowser as she wiped a tear from her
eyes.
Pooh! pooh! Everybody ought to do
what is right / was thinking this aft
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

TWO dollars, Ell? Two dollars for
plugging up a pin hole leak in a water
pipe! Does that tinker imagine I'm a
fool or lunatic? I'll never pay 1t this
side OF the grave! What else?''
You told me to get the door-bell fixed
and the bill is 81
''Door-beII? I told you? Never!- II
the door-belI was out Of order then 1t was
because yoa stood there and hauled and
pulled and yanked on it and finally got
1t out by the roots. You'll pay that bill
out OF your own pocket"
And had a broken window pane in
the cooks bedroom replaced" said Mrs
Bowser. knew you'd tell me to go
ahead and the bill is only eighty cents"
Eighty cents" he shouted. as he grew
red to the roots OF his hair. Eighty
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14
OLD PAP PINKHAM
He Cites Case of Jericho Charity

crust; the children huddIed over a cold
stove and sobbing as their toes were
frost-bitten; the hired girl packing her
duds to leave; the grocer and butcher
and chauffeur standing at the gate and
making threats as to what they would
do If their bills were not paid at once.
and the snow two feet deep and still
I, falling.
Absalom had his audience in tears
when he closed by saying that he had
never pulled back when a charitable
deed was to the fore. ana he did not
mean TO, on this occasion. He could
and would spare five bushels Of white
turnips, and later on, when he had killed
his bull calf, he could at least spare the
liver.
The following persons then came for
ward with the offers named:
Israel Harris-Eight winter squashes
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

was driving past Farmer Benson's
tbe other morning, having no mail for
him. when he came out to the gate and
called me to stop.
Chickens get their toes frost-bitten
last night?" 1 asked. Come out to the
barn." he replied.
But I'm in a hurry"
"You come out just the same, or the
Postmaster General Will get word from
me! It's the duty of the government to
care for the people. and you are a part
Of the government
''oh, If you put it that way, of course"
We reached the barn to find his bull
dead In his stall.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14
HONEST ABE, u. S. M,
No Extra Charge for His Winter Poetry

what does this mean?" I asked.
TT means that Uncle Sam has got to
pay me SO, or there'n be the durndest
lawsuit ever heard Off
'"The bull seems to be stone dead?"
HE couldn't be deader!"
What allied him."
Scarf TO DEATH"
by what?'
Look a-here Abe, at seven o'clock last
night that bull was in joyous health and
full of bounding speerits. Two hours
later he was a corpseT
Did he see a ghost?"
Ghost be hanged! There is a windmill
man stopping over at Carter's and he's
struck on Susan. About T:30 o'clock he
came with two other fellers to- serenade
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

For the seventh time we have been
elected mayor of this town by the largest
majority ever given a candidate for any
office. We are the only man ever elect
ed to a third term as mayor. We think
we can say without egotism and without
denial that We are the only human crit
ter in this Territory who has been picked
up by an enthusiastic multitude after the
ballots were counted and carried half a
mile on the shoulders of eminent states
men.
TAKE NO CHANCES.
We are in receipt of a letter from a
young man in the East who says he
desires to come out here next winter and
hunt the grizzly bear. In hunting the
grizzly he always wears a full-dress suit
and carries a gold-headed cane, and he
wants to know If there would be any OBJ
lection tc it around here. In a fatherly
way We would advise the young man to
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

in the snow. At o'clock I found the
bull jest gasping his last and You can
see terror in his eyes yet"
him?''
do think? Why, Of course 1t did,
But how do you hold Uncle Sam re-
sponsible?"
Because them fellers didn't play but
one tune, and that was Yankee boo
die" They played it over and over, ana
they driv that bull plumb crazy"
But"
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

her They had a fiddle. mouth organ,
and a dinner-horn."
Sort of Sousa's Band?
az don't know nothing about Soo-say,
but of all the dinged raCkets l ever
heard this took the cake. The old wom-
an had fit Susan hid under the bed,
and when went out there with an ak
helve to drive EN- away they rolled me
The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

shortly go home to see your mother
Good night. Mrs. Bowser-good nightr'
And Mrs. Bowser sat there for an hour
and tried to figure 1t out, and the near
est she could come to it was: Never
present a bill to your husband when he's
good natured. Wait until he's or and
the bills can't make him much offer"