Norwich bulletin., 1913-05-17
MATS DAY OFF

"Oh, that cream wasted, tool" says Jane. What are we goin' to do, Nat?'
 Dor says l. find something to eat fore 1 starve:" and with a, police to help we got across the street They give us table and slid a paper afore us. to say as how much the wimmln folks had on hand. I seen some spare rib and How'd 'twould taste natural.
 young chap brought along sam pie on plate. l told him never mind bOthering, wed risk it@'twas all right, jest set it right on lively-wed got to do the town and git home and feed the critters
 He turned red and muttered some thinb bout costing more.
 1 seed good many lookin' our way. Of course I knew that spotted vest and green necktie was rather fetchin'. I strengthened up and says I: My man. if you's scarry about your money here!' and l planked twenty five cents right down on the table. You never seen such change in a chap.
 Now, what with gettin' out such unearthly hours and hurrying down my breakfast, 1 was middling hungry, rest were fur behind, He brought us an all fired good dinner, and we went through that paper from A to 2. ] felt pretty good I tell you, and finished up on two sassers ice cream. l 'sposed of course 'twould cost much's fifty cents; and was gittin' out my old salt bag change, when the chap dropped a ticket side my plate, writ in three hggers, marry a one or two. 1 sWallered once or twice. like some thing stuck in my throat. then 1 seen the hull thing, and went down in my inside pocket and got out q size able bill, grabbed my old hat and lit out. When we got outside, says 1:
 Jane Ann, you know what you've bin and done. You've ct up the whole hind quarter of that best pig, ya-a-s!" says, "and l don't know but some of side pork, tew!"
 We got to the capitol arter q few narrow escapes, and a feller with his coat all brass buttons showed us around. I asked if he was running things round there, sort of head boss, and he How'd that 'Anty' had the floor that afternoon and when he sort of motioned behind James back and axed:
 How does she stand?' I sort of tunbled He took Us up in the quire so we could see. Say. now, I'll be jiggered, I was tickled most to death. haw-haw -ed right out. Thinks l, you's left this time for sure, Jane Ann. You see brass buttons said the rights had the floor day fore I seen jest how Jane had fingered on it, and my stars he-he-he! Jane looked at me and says I: You ought to seen that little spotted tyke, when l fed them DIES last nlSIlL.
 Says Jane: I'd leave them hogs to home when Is taking a day off Well them rights" wimmin and <'Anty'' had 1t nip and tuck, sometime es nip and sometimes tuck, but mostly tuck. They gin it to um solid. once I rig right up and says I: That's the talk, gin it to us!" l was that wrought up.
 Jane never let on what it was she expected. only hushed me up. Well, fore I knowed if we had to hustle for the train.
 I 'Iowd when we got to this last lap. we was pretty nigh home. I was all fired done up,-and sot right down and shet my ayes, and Si and me was leaning on the pig pen-says I: T tell yer that ther hog with black snout is the heaviest" and I brought ner post (knowed for quite 9 spell 1 twas weak and slam, crash, bang, went head first right into that pen. screeched and made a grab for what was left of the fence.
 Then I heard Jane say, Be you hurt, and tarnation! !-such q hurTa!- and that there car a balanced on the edge of rothing,-some holding heads, some skinned noses, and banged eyes. and broken bones and such. Says I "Ef I a1n't dead now-shall be i in q minute. and then l wished I 1 hadn't bin quite so keerful bout that last trade with Si.
 Jest then a fellow threw open the door and says he-"Keep you seats, it's all right, bin a slight accident"
 ''Ya-as!" I roars slight-if the hull kerboodle of us ain't picked up in pieces from one end of town to luther. When I found l want dead for sure I sot out to see what was up. Hears they sent a new hired man out with a car and he'd gone home and left m ha T-aR fRF- Fn n1a hNC with most likely. Right down shift less I call it: and I told the boss so, tew,
 Says I: My names DoolittIe-- Nathaniel-own bes1 farm in the county. and finest hogs in two countys. -sfr-ee. What you all mean cutting up sech didoes, with your passengers. Come within an inch or two leaving us along for coon bait. Who you think d feed them hogs sOt going without supper, and settin out here those unearthly hours, in some back pasture and what's more. you jest hand over that money I paid for this ere. or I'll have the law on yer.
 Now. he was as perlite as d basket of chips.
 Sorry! -sorry.' says he. and that's all that amounted tew.
 He took us along when he got ready not afOfe- -cOnSarn him
 When We got in sight my place and ] seen the moon setCin off there be- hind the pig-pen, I swan to man, twas good for sore eyes,-and says I:
 Jane there's ben times today lowed I didn't never expect to see that pigpen agin. Now that thump- ing and banging I got riIed my old enemy. and here I am setting side the stove a nursing the rheumatiz. and airing my troubles But I larned one thing and told Jane so. The place for such old fogies as her and me is home tending critters and feeding them pigs. I lows 1t looks like Jane Ann's an "Anty"
 am an Anty! yes -sir-ee.
 That cracked brained head boss never gin me back that money
 NAT