davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-04-03
What's on tie Program in
Washnoton Today

The following Masonic organizations
will meet tonight: Lodge-Naval. No.
4. E. A. Eastern Star-Esther Chap
ter. No. B.
The following l. o. o: F. lodges viii
meet tonight: Columbia. No: 10: Ex-
celsior, No. IL: and Salem, No. e.
The following K. Of P. organizations
will meet tonight: Lodge-Franklfn,
No. 2, business. MILITARY Depart
ment-J. T. Coldwell Company, No. I.
initiation and business.
The following Red Mems tribes VIII
meet tonight: Logan. No. 8; Sioux.
Meeting of ". H. Collins Council. Ma
tionai Union. tonight.
The following X. o. T. NJ. tents Will
meet tonight: Georgetown, District
and Metropolitan.
Amusementa
National-'The Girl from Montmartrs."
Coiumbia-"The Woman" els and s:u
p. m.
Relasco-"The Sun Dodgers" Sis D. N
Polrs-"The Girl of the Golden West"
els and Sis p. m.
Chase's-Polite vaudeville. AIS and s:fl
Academy-"snobs." 2:l5 and Sis .. m.
Cosmos-vaudevile.
Casino-vaudeville.
Lyceum-Miner's American. e:15 and
s:15 p. m.
Gayety-Knickerbocke Burlesouers. s:u
and Sis .. m.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03
Good Stories
Choosing a Career.

0vY ILL. Tommy. what do you
H want to be when you grow
" up? A lawyer"
Nav"
"Oh. l know. You want to be . pe-
ltceman or an engineer"
Nav. / Cont. I wanna be . brick
layer"
"A bricklayer? Why. that's hard
work"
SOC everything. But there's 50
many days . bricklayer don't halter
work on account o. the weather. an
there's so much rotten weather
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

A LARGE ORDER.
Letter received by the Washington Cham
ber Of Commerce
r. d. 5. Hutchinson, Kan.
Dear Sir: Please send the Chamber
of Commerce 10 me. | want to look at
the pictures of booklet. You will fold
the Chamber of Commerce to send to
me. Yours truly,
JOHN II. SIEGRlST.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

Breakfast at l2:3o-and it likely ill be
l:3o. since they're politicians wives-is
a sufficiently late breakfast, Of course.
But you remember-or don't you?-the
ways Of the beastie In The Hunting
of the Shark"
Its habit Of getting up late. you'll
agree,
1t carries too far, when | say,
II frequently breakfasts at ) o'clock
tea.
And dimes on the following day."
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

The first unprOminent candidate re-
fusing a political job will drag from
this meandering minaret a side-splitting
witticism built around the neigh Of a
dark horse
The Washington times., 1913-04-03
Barber.Post Impressionism.

G. <. X: Nix on the Cubist haircut.
Try the F'uturist. Very close. so you
don't have to go again for a long time.
CHENNIE
The Washington times., 1913-04-03
THIS& THAT
van .semef,,,es . Lsfti. srtAe otAe,
FAME.

FAME.
An! fame IL is q Heeting thing,
Disposed to roam and todnder.
Alert, aud euer on the toino,
1t ddshes here and yoNder. ...
The mighty things a man has done
Are laughed at BY his brother;
For what is deathless fame to one
Is nothing to another.
For some ,oould fain be miliiondires,
With three or four physictass;
And other men porId head, for theirs
Exploring expeditions.
One man ioould be king in uar,
The merit a ndrdI hero;
Another one an emperor
But all of these are sero.
Pm after no such petty saIre,
Nor yet pouId I be kni0hted;
'Tis my am bfsh that people hare
Ny photos copyrighted.
CLIFFORD T. MYNDoTT.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03
The Cubistraw Hat.

G. S. X: Can't you use your influ-
ence to have the 1913 straw hats
cube-shaped, so they won't roll 80
far?
The Washington times., 1913-04-03
FONE.

And another one Is the cubeb Gig
arctic. which-we have it on hear
say-bears just that relation to a real
smoke.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03
THE HERO.

THE HERO.
Being the other side Of it,
It's easy enough to look pleasant
When life flows along like 4 brook;
But the husband worth while
Is the one who can smile
When his wife has to act as the cook.
BULLET.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

Mrs Bumbley says that the only time
her husband was ever seriously i'll was
once when he had oarnacle on his
neck
The Washington times., 1913-04-03
Again the Lunches.

G. s. X: But a greater calamity is
when they put in the salt and forget
the hard boiled egg.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

Reciprocity note: We paid for the
poorest shoe shine ever received, yes
tcrday. with one OF the Fraser nickels.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03
Then, Too, Perhaps They Read This
Column.
From the "Times."D

tFrom the Times
Hughey Jennings says that exhibit
tion games in the South have ceased
to be money-makers for major
doomed. The Dixie fans decline to
give up money to see bush league
baseball. that's the sum and sub
stance Of it, Even when a big league
club is intact, its stars take no
chances. The fans are getting wise.
that's all
The Washington times., 1913-04-03
Concert Tornorrow
By the u. S. Soldiers Home Band,
Stanley Hall, $3.50 p. m.
JOHN $. NJ. ZIMMERMANN.
Director.

JOHN 5. n. ZIMMERMANN,
Director.
March. "Triumphar ......... Robinson
overture, 'Aroldo" Verdi
Descriptive. "A shepherd Life In
Grand selection. "Tannhauser'
Wagner
Drops ...................k klinckmann
Waltz suite, "Plui dor" "a Show
er Of Gold. .Waldteufel
Finale, ''Mariette" Sterny- -Couruuln
The Star-Spangled Banner"
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

Add heads to keep standing: Nc
Combs Undecided as to French Ambas-
sadorship.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

The so-called welcome breakfast, yol
might call il.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

sests. is the guy who gets the gold out
o. THE Girl"
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

BY the way, it will be held at Rows
cher's.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

Not to forget the ladies who are put
ing the break in breakfast.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

The first act Of ''The Woman and
the second act OF "Snobs" listens like
the foundation of a pretty good Cub
ist play.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

The Federation Of Pastors, II ap-
pears, desires to, be the organization
to insert the primal syllable in Dam
aged Goods"
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

Also: star" SnrinSs Office-Seel
WheeZe.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

The city beautiful has supporters nu-
marcus. g. g. X.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

ANTI ARGUMENTS.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

IA :: q: : :; :: 2
rfde9roOm hHde
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

The graduated income tax may yet
hazed.
The Washington times., 1913-04-03

That breakfast
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03

Il suppose they must have compa-
ny, dear" and Helen stopped to pick
up the spool of thread he had knock
ed OFF with his paper.
We'll, they don't think were going
to stand for that racket, do they2'
as shrieks Of laughter rose above the
din of the piano
oh they'll stop before Iong-it 3
only a little after ten"
At II Warren went to bed, still in
a surly mood. Bur just as Helen was
turning out the light there came the
crashing notes of Row, Row. Row."
with a chorus of high-pitChed voices.
Here, turn on that light again.!
Warren had jumped out of bed.
where in thunder's my slippers? Get
my bdthrobe there. will yOu2'
Helen got his bathrobe and slippers
and followed him pleadingly.
He was already at the phone, i'm
patiently shaking the receiver hook.
Hello, See here, you'll have to call
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03

known. They do not hire halls and
engage speakers to declare for them
that love is the aim. the beginning,
the ends the sole existence of wom-
an. and that they want Il.
They keep this little longing hidden
deep in their hearts Some. frankly
honest, admit It, Others, to conceal
their sorrow that love has never
come, claim they don't want the lit
tie god to visit them. and would
drive him away if ne dared appear.
They deceive the men; they do NOT
deceive other women; they do not
deceive themselves
Love sends many ambassadors and
these ambassadors sometimes have
poor credentials, but the woman at
the door of whose heart they appear
open the door and gets down on her
knees. She does not ask to see the
credentials Wisdom. prudence, eau
ton. self-interest, all are forgotten
when love appears.
She is no longer a Modern Wom-
an She has lost all reckoning Of
time and is just Woman.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Surprised.

1t was the yearly inspection of the
school, and the inspector, a tall,
thin, wien faced gentleman, was
questioning on the meaning of words
contained in the reading lesson.
1.-The specter from behind him
rose" quoted he. Then, turning his
eyes upon girl in the front desk, he
asked: What is the meaning of
'specter?
The little girls face paled as she
rose
please, sir, don't know" she adj
mitted, shamefacedly.
Just think. girl" he said. The
man was dreadfully frightened and
the 'specter rose behind him and
frightened him still more"
She was going to say something
but stopped.
Come on, girl" said the inspector,
'sIieak out. Don't be frightened. I'm
not going to eat you. Now, what is
the specter that usually frightens
people?'
He waited in silence then the lit
tie girl, suddenly bracing herself up,
answered:
THE school 'spector sir"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Men Getting Bridal Shy.

"Matrimouy will cease to be bore.
and the divorce court judges viii have
TO secure other jobs when marriage
will no longer be a custom. but only
a legal privilege for two lovers to live
as husband and wife"
In these davs when men are getting
SO bridal shy that il is as hard to
catch one as it is to lasso zebra, It's
shame 10 publish this next letter.
which is written by perfectly horrld
cyniC who believes that the only
happy people are the never-weds
Still, we asked for an honest discus
sion Of this important subject, and
here's what Mr. J. y. writes.
rs marriage "A bore II certainly
i., and not only bore, but a nuisance
/ found il so great many years ago.
Il was very young and very decid %
eddy foolish. fell i'm love, o. thought
did. with young and pretty girl, Of
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Where the Rub Came.

BiGins has q son who is badly stage
struck.
Unhappy boy'' exclaimed the irate
parent. And you actually propose to
dishonor my name on the boards OF a
theater2"
why. father ] would take AN as
stunned one
"Well. how would that help IL? Sup
posing YOU We're To succeed. much
credit ! should get if no one knew
that ! was your father!'
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Items of Interest

Although she can use only one
hand, Miss Evelyn Webb Of Brent
wood mas been awarded the special
silver medal of the London Academy
of Music for piano playing
A return just issued by the Min.
istry OF Commerce in Rome states
that during the last 81 years $4,000, 70
100000 has been lost in gambling by
Italians.
A bill is to be introduced into the
Canadian Parliament advocating the
abolition Of all titles, thereby pre-
serving democratic equality through
out the Dominion"
In Italy marriage brokers are a
regular institution. They have
pocketboolts filed with the names Of
manageable maidens in various
ranks of life, and so about trying to
arrange matches When they are
successful they receive commission,
and very likely something extra as a
voluntary gift from their customer
When "a twelve foot siN-inch shark
caught ir Mauritius was cut open. a
dog, a goat and "A large collection
of bones of animals We're foand in
side. The shark was caught with a
two-inCh line from twenty foot
open boat, and was hauled TO the sur
face after a desperate struggle.
A driving belt in an engineering
works at SmpthWiCS England has
been i'm continuous use for 80 years.
and has travelled" a distance equiv
alent to "a times around the world.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
What It Proved.

\ quack doctor was holding forth
about his medicines" TO a rural au-
dience.
Yes, gentlemen" he said. Il have
sold these pills for over % years. and
never heard a word of complaint.
Now what does that proven"
From a voice in the crowd came:
That dead men tell no tales
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Up-to-the-Minute Jokes

answer was swift. Her little lamb.
teacher, he shouted, trlumphantly.
BelIows-Does your daughter play
on the piano.
Old Farmer Gin tones of deep dis
SusD No, sir She works on II
pounds on il. axes IT, scrapes Il.
jumps on il. rolls over il. but there's
no play about it. sir.
What puzzles me. said ITnc,e
Shocks, as he looked up from a book
me was consulting. lis this II
man is standing on the side of hill
or mountain. how is ne TO settle i'm
his mind whether he is on an ac-
clivity or a declivity. According 10
my dictionary here. the former is a
slope up and the latter slope
down I've never Vet seen a slope
up that didn't slope down.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Brave by Proxy.

Employer Well, what did he say
to you?
Clerk-That he'd break every bone
in my body and throw me out Of the
window If ] showed my face in his
office again!
Then go back and tell him that he
needn't think ne can intimidate me
by his violence"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
How He Succeeded.

Very Young Man-You wouldn't
think it, but I've just paid $4,000 in
cash for a house, an made by my
own pluck and perseverance,
Young Lady Really, What bust
ness are you I'M
Very Young Man-I'm a son-in-law.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03

Deacon-We must devise some
means Of paying these $500 Of out
standing bills against the church; we
are being pressed for the money.
Nestryman Gin surprise) why,
what are they for
Deacon-For flowers decorations,
music and so forth, furnished for the
entertainment last month To cele-
brate the church being at last free
from debt.
The lesson in history was in prog
ress. and ina vain the teacher coaNeG
her class TO answer. At last she
up. She had reached the
star pupil Of her little class.
Now. Tommy" she said, Mary
followed Edward the Sixth, and who
followed Mary"
Yes. Tommy knew that and his
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03

make their protest known with the
blare of trumpets and in strident
tones. They are few in number but
they made a loud noise NJ. Nemoz
heard the noise and thought he heard
the voice of an the women in the
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Preferable.

Your money or your life!" said the
highway robber
Take me life responded the Irish
man. I'm savin' me money for me
Old agei"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03

and all that love means: a husband,
la home. shelter the touch of "a
baby's hand, and the JOY of sacrifice
and service.
But they do not march with a
blare OF trumpets to make this want
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
rs MATRMoNY a bore?

Is MATRIMONY a bore?
Some of the readers of this paper
say yes" Others say no
Here is the opinion of Arthur W,
who, however, admits that his views
on the subject are not based upon
personal experience. He says:
There are two kinds of marriages
an artificial marriage and a marriage
created by nature. The former is al
most always a bore The latter is
without exception heavenly exist
ence
Most people to-day deal with mat
rimony as they would with a bust
ness proposition. \ man thinks he
would like to marry. and goes about
hunting for an agreeable and good
looking young girl. He does this in
nearly the same spirit as he would
seek for a partner in a business en-
terprise. He finds a woman suited to
lis fancy courts her and marries her.
but as soon as the novelty of matri-
mouy wears off it becomes a bore to
hi
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03

world
Love has language that is low
and sweet and flute-like. 1t is the
cry Of the heart, and the heart never
trumpets its appeals. Women al
over the world are longing for love
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Marries For a Change.

"A marriage of this sort is the re-
suit of one wishing to lead a different
kind of life. and so he tries the matri-
monial experiment. only in such cases
when love develops after marriage can
matrimony be anything but a bore.
Marriage should be only a legal
right for a man and woman possess-
ing real love for each other to live "a
husband and wife, and it is the height
of folly for people to marry with love
as secondary issue
People try in vain to direct love.
A rich young man may desire to love
some nice. rich girl Of the same re-
ligion or social status as himself but
love Will not come to order II is alb
solutely impossible for the mind to di-
rect the heart. The mind has no more
control over the heart than a 10000
horse power engine can have over a
ship without propeller For exam
pie, think of the honorable women
who have loved men who We're crimi-
nails, and of the good men who loved
la.l
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
BY BEATRICE FAIRFAX.

lThERE is volume which has in
terested all the poets, philoso-
pliers. artists, historians and
sages since the world began
1t has a cover which allures. When
this volume is fresh from the hands
of the great printer. the cover is
DAINTY, pretty and in bright colors.
The colors soon fade and the pretti-
ness and daintiness vanish. but. I'M
IKE any other volume, the greater
the havoc time works on the exterior,
the greater the store of knowledge on
the inside
This volume is called Woman
And every mothers son many times
during his brief span looks casually
at the cover, perhaps turns a page or
two, and claims he has mastered all
the secrets, the problems, the mys-
teries, the volume contains.
Among these sons of Solomon, who
glance and say, Il know" there are
many artists who portray on canvas
all that they have discovered. One. a
Frenchman. NJ. Nemoz, has made a
painting of his discovery which has
excited great applause from other sons
Of Solomon, who say, Wonderful
wonderful"
This picture is called Expulsion"
and you are invited to look at the
copy above. If you are a son of Solo
mon, an organization to which every
man believes his wisdom entities him
to membership, you will also say,
Wonderful"
II you are woman yea will know
that no man really knows, but that
the woman who has wisdom knows
she must let him think he knows.
What Every Woman Knows.
The picture is supposed to repre-
sent the attitude of the modern wom-
an toward the god of love, for whom
she neither has time nor inclination"
With the forehead and expression of a
Minerva, and the proportions of a
Juno, she sits securely enthroned in
power and knowledge, with the ar
rows wrested from the god of love in
hand imperiously raised to drive
him from her presence.
This is the picture of the modern
woman as every man thinks he knows
her. What every woman knows isl
that if any woman has ever stifled the
cry Of her heart, and hidden love de-
part, she has called upon him to re-
turn before he was out of sight
He can come in no guise in which
he is not welcome, he can never be
such a plague or a torment that she
would bid him depart.
She may be modern in every out
ward expression; she may jeer at
love; she may call those women
weak and spineless who regard love
as worth all the world beside; she
may take pride in her scorn Of him. |
but down in the bottom of her heart |
there is a longing for him which is
never stiiled.
All that the giving up means in !
the freedom Of self development and |
ambition; all the applause of the |
world. all honor, all fame, all the |
sweetness of the rewards of self-ef- |
fort: nothing the world can offer as
worth in The final accounting the
cost woman must pay in driving !
out love.
NJ. Nemoz is a very clever artist, |
but his hands are quicker than his
ears. The women who decry love
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Sermons IN
Sentences
By FRANCES L. GARsIDE.

RIA preacher were as tender-heart-
ed as a man of his profession
- should be, he would accept the
wedding fee from the groom in order
to present it to the bride. knowing in
the tenderness and sympathy of his
heart that now she is married there Is
very little money she will see.
When church is out, the children
reach the door first. Then come the
men. and an hour afterward, when
thew have done telling that hey must
rush home and get dinner, the women
slowly emerge.
Be patient with the young folk who
sit in the back seat and giggle. 1t
will be such a very short time till
they are sitting old and wrinkled and
grave with the pillars up in front.
4 horse standing uncovered in in
clement weather in front of saloon
looks bad enough, but it is a worse
sight when in front of church.
The real surprising feature about
the best of sermons is the number of
good stopping places the preacher will
pass without seeing them.
one does not enjoy church in the
good old fashioned way unless he gets
"a thought" to carry home to sus-
tain him all the week.
II is a question which is easier: To
walk forward when a revival is in
progress or slide backward after it is
over.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Is Matrimony a Bore?
BY DOROTHY DIX.

good family and rich, and we started
out with all prospects Of happy fu 4
ture But after three years Of married
life | found domestic bliss was pipe
dream with a nightmare attachment
We drifted apart, hnally ending tn
divorce. l never felt so light and frs
as when she got her decree. As for.
me, in the words of the raven. Never
y,ar,fr
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-04-03
Divorce Remedy Economic.

People who marry because they
want to. instead of because they have
to, are seldom bored with each 9th
er We need some remedy for d.
voTce, but IL must be an economic
one. Sentiment may be all right in
its place, but along with romance il
exists only in women What little
sentiment "a man has is like the match
with which he lights his pipe. soon
forgotten after it has accomplished
its purpose.
Marriage Is business with a
man. and that wouldn't be so bad il
he believed i'm fair and honest deal
ing, but he always expects to get the
best Of the bargain. and 10 get more
than he gives.
That's why matrimony is a bore
To so many wives"