The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-03-29
4 \ x 4 4 Z y 4 4 x 4
You and Your Wife
X X X X X X X * X X X
Saying Things That Hurt.
(By a h Hood.


There is another peril which threat
ems the performance of love SO seri-
ously that we should guard against 1t
as we would seek to avoid. plague.
That is the habit of saying things that
hurt. .:'t%+
1t is a grave mistake to assume that
love puts so different a complexion up
on everything that it does not matter
what We say 1t is convinced Of the
genuineness of our affection. The
things which we say do matter,
whether We really mean them or not.
Sometimes they become SO serious a
matter that many a marital bark has
been wrecked by striking just such
reefs. in the matrimonial seas. /.
Frequently. of course-perhaps In
saying things that hurt is formed IN
consciously. or without thought Of the
evils to which 1t may lead. Usually,
it starts in a spirit of pleasantly. The
wife may discover that there is a par
ticularly tender spot in her husbands
makeup, or the husband may learn
that III wife possesses a point of at
tack that is con%specuously susceptible
to assault. AS it is a great deal easier
to yield to such a temptation than it
Is to resist 1t, the words are spoken,
and the seeds OF a habit which may
bring disaster are sown.
1t may seem like a very good joke
at first. Both may laugh heartily, and
the slight pain which the victim feels
may quickly be forgotten, or smother
ed with caresses. But as time passes,
the joke loses some Of its humorous
qualities. though the sting remains.
until. gradually, the one begins to
wonder II 1t may not after all be pos
sible that the other really meant what
was said. -
Sometimes. too. the unkind sayings
assume a more malicious turn. In a
moment Of anger words are uttered
which the speaker o 20 wishes he had
never said. yet though reconciliation
may follow quickly on the heels of
passion. the hurt is felt long after
the words have been forgiven. If the
offense is a solitary one. time soon
heals the wound. but If every future
Of unkindness, there is grave danger
the set phrases of forgiveness
may be uttered mechanically and
without including a corresponding
tendency toward forgetting.
Consideration for the feelings Of
others plays a important a part in
married life as 1t does in the outside
world. II We chance to know that a
friend has a pet corn. we do not spend
our time in trying to ind a good ex-
to tread upon 1t. yet there are
husbands and wives who appear to
take the greatest delight in discover
ing the weakest spot in the armor OF
the other that they make 1t a source
Of ridicule.
The young wife may not be SO pro-
ficient in the art OF cookery as her
mother or her husbands mother. In
deed, 1t Is scarcely to be expected that
she shall be. 1t Is enough that she is
trying to do her hest. yet II all her
successful achievements are permitted
to pass unnoticed while her failures
are exaggerated to her confusion and
the smile with which she
meets her husbands words may be al
most as. pathetic as an outburst OF
tears could be.
1t Is bad enough when this spirit OF
banter is confined to the privacy OF
their own home. with nobody else to
hear. but it becomes infinitely worse
others are present to participate
in the "fun" at the young wife's
pense, It Is under such conditions
that the husbands tendency to
tease" may reach the utmost limits
Of cruelty.
And 1t is lot injured pride that
at such times as these. It is
itself thai Is hurt. The man to
whom she has given her all-the one
person In all the world in whom she
felt that she could place the most per-
feet trust-has betrayed her conf
dence. and she feels that there Is now
direction In which she can turn
the love and sympathy which she