davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
A NEW CENSUS CHIEF.

The chairman of the Democratic State central
committee of Georgia will be named as Director OF
the Census.
He will succeed gentleman who, in charge of the
1910 census, made record of unusual efficiency and
economy, and under whose direction the publications
of the Census Bureau have been made much more
graphic, attractive, and practically useful than ever
before
Perchance the chairman of the Georgia State cen
tral committee is much better man for the place
Perhaps he is ideally equipped person, as stats
tician, administrator, and sociologist.
Perhaps, also, he is appointed because he is the
very best man in the country for the job.
But we doubt it.
We guess that he is appointed because he is
State chairman and was fortunate enough to be one
of the early organizers of Wilson sentiment in his
State.
1t is bit Disappointing to see President Wilson
handing out this particular office as political re-
ward. The President is the sort of man who would
have been expected to take especial interest in
this office of Director of the Census To the serious
student of our present day social, industrial, po
litical problems, the census brings mass of ma
terial for consideration and digestion. 1t is of the
utmost importance that that material be gathered
and prepared with full understanding of the sig
nifcant part it is certain to play.
Perhaps, has been said, the chairman of 2
Democratic State committee is quite the ideal man
for the task. 1t is to be hoped so.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

duced What is produced may be divided in one
way two ways or fifty ways, if you please and among
only the full producers, among them and half pro
ducers and those who produce nothing at all.
But there are no fifty ways-and there is no one
way-in which production can possibly be divided te
make it more than was produced. BY as much a:
some of the production is diverted from the actua
producers, by just that much is there less of it to &c
to those who do produce What it becomes in fact
then, precisely and inevitably, is charge on the
community of producers at large.
This is not offered as an argument against the
philanthropy and mercy of compensation, pensions
and similar help to the needy 1t is offered in warn
ing against the false or mudded principles with
which some thinkers and takers on such subjects
fool themselves and others.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
Dodging the Issue.

vt will be easy for the reader to see
why we can't give the name OF the
hero of the following merry yarn.
Take our word for It, We met him
leaving his office during working hours
the other day.
Where are you going at this time
of day." we asked.
I've got to go to the train to meet
nv wife's oldest sister, who's coming
TO make us a visit" he answered, not
very enthusiastically.
Cant she get to your house without
being met, You only live two blocks
from the station
Yes. that's what my wife said. But
I'd rather meet her. You see, II I met
her in public / won't have to kiss her. ;"
cleveland Plain Dealer
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
AN UNPOPULAR PROPAGANDA.

Almost everybody is rising up to introduce cur
rency reform legislation generally with the purpose
of producing the of elasticity that is gener-
ally believed to be needed in order that the money
supply may respond to demands.
But it is noteworthy that few statesmen are
undertaking to educate the public to the belief, now
entertained by good many economists, that there's
too much money in existence and that this causes the
upward rush of prices.
II may all be true; maybe there is altogether too
much money floating around but that particular doc
tne is going to be difficult one for the politician
to popularize with his constituents
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
WHO PAY THE PENSIONS?

Mayor Gaynor advocates not only workmens
compensation for injuries to wage earners while on
their jobs but pensions when man has worn
himself out at some industry he should be made a
charge that industry and not the community at
large" -a
However much there is to be said for the compen-
sation and pension proposals-and in the working
out of the social upft program of humanity there is
great deal to be said for both-those VINO advocate
such measures should no more than those who op-
pose, have themselves, give to others, msappre-
hensions about the fundamental principles involved
Both compensations for injured and pensions for
worn-out workmen must in the long rum come out of
the share of production of the workers not injured
and not yet WON out. What is divided must be pro-
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
GETTING THE RIGHT IDEA.

The National Reclamation Association whose Of
Acial stationery explains that it is for the advance
ment of forestry irrigation, drainage, flood preven
ton, and river regulation has declared in favor OF
the Newlands river regulation BILL In letter on the
subject the association thus succincty indicates that
il understands what it has got to gnt for in order to
accomplish results:
'This bill provides for the creation of the non-
political machinery necessary to enable the Govern
ment to harness the rivers just as it dug the Pan
anna canal free from interference by railroads which
do not want water fed into the streams to float boats
during the dry season. and free from interference
by the power site spectators who do not want the
watersheds surveyed and the presence Of reservoir
sites made known"
That brief paragraph indicates pretty completely
what powers will be found, at stage or another
blocking the great national project of developing
and tanning our rivers. A few years ago those same
ideas would have been secuted. Now they are
known to be fair statement of the situation. To
have reached accurate understanding of the fight
is to nave made good deal of progress toward win
ming
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
Ellen KELLER. the wonder Of
wonders. recently made her de-
hut as a public speaker. II any

Ellen KELLER, the wonder. or
II wonders. recently made her de-
but as a public speaker. If any
person in the world is QUAIL
FLED to give a message. this young
woman who had only at her command
the sense of touch Is certainly THE
one to do 1t.
That she has come to the point of
being able to speak PUBLICLY. the
interest as to what she says must be
far-reaching. Her great hope is to i'm
press folk with seeing eyes that are
blind. saying:
Il am going to try to make you feel
no one of us can do anything alona; /;
that we are bound together. Perhaps
YOU are thinking how blind have been.
You have your eyes, and you behold
the sun. and yet you are more blind
than / am.
TT was the hands of others that made
this miracle on me. Without my teach
or I should be nothing. We live by and
for each other. We are all blind and
deaf until our eyes are open to our
fellow men. If we had penetrating
vision we would not endure what We see
in The world today"
To be deaf, dumb. and blind and 20
come forth without a grievance against
creation. and. in truth, to be designated
as an OPTIMIST, is In itself great
living. throbbiug example for the hear
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
An Even Break.

RTHUR TEELE, rear Commo-
~ dore of the Atlantic Yacht
~ Club. claims to have attended
funeral once where. just as
the services were getting fairly under
way, an intoxicated person wandered
into the chapel and staggered up the
aisle to a seat near the front. says the
Saturday Evening Post.
The sexton rose to eject him. but as
the stranger seemed to have fallen into
a doze he deemed 1t best to leave him
alone until the last sad rites were con-
cluded The clergyman proceeded with
the ritual until he reached the passage;
And after darkness there shall be
light"
The intoxicated party Strengthened up
There" he said, addressing the gath
ering generally. could anything on
earth be fairer than that
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
The Shock,

~ HE tramp sat serene and dirty
on the backdoor step eating
the breakfast for which he had
whined, and the servant stood
looking at him curiously. says the
Omaha Bee. Presently the knight of
the road observed the attention she was
paying him. Voter yer lookin' at me
for?' he asked. in idle curiosity Think
I'm a long-lost cousing?" No" replied
the maid coolly; but l must say you
remind me of a man j ulster know"
Sweetheart? asked the tramp coyly.
None of your business I" was the
maids retort. But something happen
ed to him whichlI never happen to
you!" What's that? Died a millionaire,
did he?" The maids reply was crushing
No; he was accidentally drowned
while bathingl'
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
JAPANESE SENSE OF HUMOR.

Despite the various efforts of the State of Cali
fornia to find an excuse for trouble with Japan; and
despite the present incident of the alien land owner
ship measure at Sacramento, it is positively an
nounced that Japan will not withdraw its show from
the Panama-Pacific exposition .s-.s..
Thus we see that Japan has been done much
injustice by folks who have represented as having
no national sense of humor. Ii has. 1t doesn'
propose to take California buncombe seriously, and
seemingly, President Wilson doesn't, either.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
THIS&T THAT
PLOTS OF THE MOTION PICTURES.
WIN Sometimes Q Lite .rtAe Other
THE SUPERINTENDENT'S

THE SUPERINTENDENT
REVENGE.
A poorbuthonest chap, named Bill
IEstran9e, loves pretty Alice Bro,cn,
Whose father runs the po,oder-rniI
And pretty nearly o,ons the to,on.
The popder-n,aPs superintend,
He Is the pilldin of the play;
And at the mill he's no ones friend
tBH also toorks there, by the toay).
The supe, one hardly needs to say,
Also's In lore toith Alice Brot1n;
He tries. to tell her so one day,
But she politely turns him do.cn.
The super scents the truth, and lets
His irritation out on Bill;
He biGs him one, first chance he gets,
And Billie takes a pleasant spill.
But 5ust as luck .oould have It, then
The oUner haps to come along;
He hears the sides Of both the men,
And says the supe soas IN tho sorono.
And so he fires the epH supe,
Who promptly goes ooay from there,
And starts to plan q little COUP
That he has hopes UiG get him square
The scen'ry shifts to late at night,
When all Is quiet-Hke and still.
The former supe, the .otcked White,
Is protoltno round tho po.cder-maI.
The cflldin stAl has got his keys.
And Is enabled thus to 90
Inside the place soith seeming case
And hook juIcy bunch of dough.
And then, to get LEstranoe's goat.
And make him seem the guilty guy,
He puts some money In his coat,
Which hangs conveniently BY.
But, so the hIns can end oil right,
1t then = necessary that
The Wicked, underhanded White
Should carelessly forget his hat.
Then, having nothing else to do,
The schemino, evtI-mInded WHITE
Departs-but first he sets fire to
A keo Of hioh-orade dynamite.
Before the blo,o-or BM L,Estraxgs
OWN some one tell Us hoo he ksesoi)
Comes In and braces the a,ofuI ddn0s
And savcs the mill from barbecue.
This throbbin0 little picture ploy
You cax complete as toeI a. toe'
The office scene the foIPsoIn0 ddy;
The VEld4rs disappearing CLEO;
The hero made the saper-mdn,
Recipient Of endless praise;
And him and Alice, too, you can
Imagine happy oil their days.
And although formerly you spent
Five cents, you get this movie for
A single, solitary cent
4 copper penny; t0hy pay morsf
sWhat do we care?
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
Food for Thought.

she-"So many men mary for money!
You wouldn't marry me for money
would you. dearest?
He (absently)-"No. darllns,
wouldn't marry you for all the money
in the world" s,5-,.
And he marvels now that she didn't
speak the last time ne met her'-i'
ISifc
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
Hedgeville
Editor
By John L. Hobble.


Mrs. Plank says that the meanest
thing a woman can do to her husband
Is to confront him with the truth.
A man can't argue with q woman be-
cause her sense Of justice Is too much
for him.
Mr.. Parks says his wifes Judgment
Is the worst he ever saw. and she hasn't
got much Of II.
You can never be q success as hus-
band unless you have tact enough 70
say the wrong thing at the right time.
Mrs. Moss says that she and the chill
dren keep in good health by letting her
husband do the worrying for the FAMILY.
The Rev. Frost says there wouldn't
be So many mistakes in bringing up
children IL the parents had as mucn
sense as the children.
Perrin Kelly says that he always
keeps himself Lit up because his parents
wanted him to have a brilliant future.
Henry Plank made resolution to
take a drink every day, but MS wlfe
broke it for him.
Mrs. Marsh says her daughters were
all attractive when young. but as they
grow older they look more Ike 'neir
father. .....
II Mr.. Graum could rest twenty-lour
hours a day, he would kick because the
day wasn't longer so he could have an
easier time.
The best that you can afford IS a
luxury even il it is one of the necessl-
ties
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

Returning to those arbitrary signs,
there's another Of them on 18th street.
1t says: Die Stamping"
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

Potomac Electric Power Co., is but a
small fraction of a cent per slice"
Which appears % contain a vhceze
until one notes that they are booming
an electric toaster.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
Good Stories
Buying Baby a SandpiIe.
n.ppu, ,,.,,..-,n .nt.r.s

DAPPER little man entered the
n office Of building supplies
~ concern and asked for the
manager.
Il am he" said the head Of the con-
Germ. who happened to be present.
How are You selling your sand?''
I'm five-car lots We
The little man held up his hand.
II wouldn't require that much" he ex-
claimed.
IN single cars it"
But again the customer raised his
hand.
Il wish only enough"
IF you only wish single wagon load.
of course that's different"
The little man shifted from one foot
to the other. then explained:
II am making a sandpile for my baby
to play in. and l only want about a
peck. I'll take 1t with me in this bas-
ket."-Youngstown Telegram.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
Well Have It Rectified.

G. S. h: Don't you think your tele-
phone exchange should be "Colum" in
stead of "Main?"
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
Relief.

He-Married?
She-No; are you?
He-No.
Both-Good evening!
Both lssidel-What an escape!-ExchaIgs.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
What's S on the Program in
Washington Today

The following Masonic organizations
will meet tonight: Lodge-La Fay
cite. No. 10. special F. {. Royal Arch
Meeting of Canton Washington. No. !,
I o %. F., drill and social session. to-
night. .,,.
will meet tonight: Columbia, Pythian
Temple; National Guard. National
Guard Armory.
Amusements.
Nat,onal-"The Count of Luxembourg,
s:I5 and S:l5 p. m.
columbia-"A Night Out" e:15 and Sis
Reia iasco-.Me-chant of Venice" p. m.;
.Richard ILL.," p. m.
poii's-"The Dollar Mark" 2:15 and
cha base's-Talking pictures. l to II D. m.
Academy-"Mutt and jeff" S15 and SIS
y. m.
roeuos-Vaudeville.
Casino-Vaudeville. ca
Iyceum-"The Rosebuds.' 2:i5 and sis
Gayety- ty-"Lovemakers." Els and s:li
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

And then, beneath my windows sill,
The hurdy-gurdy starts.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

Would 1t, Incidentally. be pulverizing
any shinery traditions If the polish
places were to install foot-rests suffi-
ciently large to accommodate ones
foot? Our pedals hold no magnitude
records, but We find II almost impossible
to keep them firmly on the delicate
foot-rests when the sinner becomes
strenuous. Here's work for the extra
sesh.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

Cost of living note: Local shineries.
formerly selling seven shines for a
quarter. are now Offering six.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
AGAIN THE SUMMER NIGHT.

The summer ev'ning, calm and still,
A soothing mood imparts-
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
SIC SEMPER.

SIC SEMPER.
haste to the encyclopedia,
Some topic up to look
And GlUdys find the page need
Is missing from the book.
LAURA E. 8.
'Heavings!-Ed.
And IL rfsit the Hbrdre,
1t dl,odys comes about
That, though they're got a million there,
The book rant is "OUt."
The Washington times., 1913-04-12
You're Afraid to Sign Your Full Name.

G. S. X: The odds and ends, tn,
unimportant items, on the tariff bill
aren't they the tarifr-raff?
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

Soft days for the sporting eds !,
Those 100 and .Oc0 averages can b
reckoned up in less than no time.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

who has owed us SIS since November.
1911. really owes us more than that.
The amount figuring interest at 6 per
cont was s16.23 at half past nine this
n orning.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

A happy cleanup week.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

''The organs Of the body'-to quote
the exampaper of a Painesville. Ohio,
young 'un-"are those of circulation,
respiration and indigestion"
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

G. s. Z.
The Washington times., 1913-04-12

what do we caro-?
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17
Deafh Was NeUer Feared by
the Ancient ChOCfq2V Indians

2 near the home II the deceased anC
there placed The COVERING protected
t.,.4. 81,
mum '"' ''"S'' % ''' i''''
ana the fowls of the air until tn" ac-
lI"h OF thr elements had so drcom'
posed the llrsh mat II was easily re-
moved. bld men ot the TRIBE removed
thr II'Sh ana another BURIAL took place
When the BODY was ilrst placed on the
N''I'lu the irSl sad ana mouruiul
ceremony tui0stinE oI incdnlduons
Was hrid. Nh.n the skin was remoH-
.u from the hodA the bones were care
iulIN gathered mp for rehunal. The
skim WIS lett upon TN" scaiiold and
ali'r the bones had been removed a
'iI' was SET To the structure ana all
consumed
me- bones were placed m pr'par.
.u hnN ana taken To a mousse prepared
Tor the reception OF Such boxes ana
NHri" iu. bones of the community S.
dead MrI" placed. Alter the deposit
of the box % feast was prepared at
which the deeds of the dead were re-
counted and his friends ANA relatives
'N"rted Co 'mulat" his llt" ana ne pre-
pared iu meet him IN the spirit land.
sIally villages were but few
mics apart ANA when the bone houses
no 'h' NHI'"s villages become iuIl, %
general burial took place an which a
season uI festivities were lhuulStd IN
10y All the inhabitants.
strange indeed must nave been the
professions us thcy Wehu'u 'h'lr way
with loud lamentations ana sincere
mournlnE from the dlll'reht Nllas's
To the place ui the hnal rep"Se OF me
remains "i th'lI loNtu "u'S' ne
boxes were carried, sometimes Tor
many miles with loving care hy the
relatives ana on reaching the last
place ot rest no care was taken 10
ever ldrhtliy the remains.
me boxes were placeu on thS
GROUND IN lhe FORM oI pNr"tnlu anu
covered win a mex iayer OIL earih
thereny forming cohicaI OF pNIa'''.uaI
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17

from its top a white flag was placed,
and suspended from the top were
thirteen hoops made Of grape vines
which permitted it was believed. the
spirit of the dead to ascend above
INTO the spirit world.
They believed so stated by Cush-
man that the spirit of the dead, af.
ter their flight from the top OF the
pole TO the unknown world had to
cross fearful river which stretched
its whirling waters athwart their way
that this fOaning stream has but one
crossing, at which a cleanly peeled
sweet gum log, perfectly round
smooth and slippery reached from
bank to bank, that the moment the
spirit arrives at the log, it is attacked
by two other spirits whose business
is to keep any and all spirits from
crossing thereon. But if a spirit is
that Of good person, the guardian
IF the log have no power over it. and
il safely walks over the log to the
opposite shore. whore ii is welcomed
10y other spirits Of friends gone be-
fore, and where contcntment and
happiness will forever be the lot Of
all"
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17

Another Question.
who invented Limburgcr cheese ?
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17

Creditor-I should like to know
when you are going to pay this bill;
can't come here every day in the
week.
Debtor-What day would suit you
best?
Creditor Saturday.
Debtor Very well; then you can
call every Saturday.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17

First Cut Throat and Rohber-Did
you pull off that job in Syracuse?
Second Cut Throat--Naw do you
know, when ] get away from New
York | get nerVOus--Iife.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17
Measuring Ip.

"Why do you go around with that
wise look
MY wife thinks Pm the smartest
man on earth, and I'm trying to look
the part"
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17
Most OppOrtunc.

did you enjoy the amateur theat-
ricals?"
"Oh, yes. the lights went out and
stayed out for half an hour. When the
lights came back | went out myself
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17
\ Young Naturalist,

one afternoon my little sister, aged
four, while sitting looking at our ca
nary turned to me and asked: sis
ter, when the canary grows up will It
be a poll parrot?"
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17

why do you fish every morning
in the bathtub old man? Is it bet ?"
"Oh, no. | just want to get used
to not catching anything. Am going
on vacation soon"
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17

Some fellows marry poor girls To
settle down, and others marry rich
girls to settle up.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17

AuthHr NJ drastic resolution for
hc protection ~ Americans In Mex
leo. Tits resolution. calling for an in
Nc-tiwti0u of Mexican conditions, I'm
order that senators may bo informed
IS 90 the situation came up for con
sideratiou on Thursday and proyok-
ed a debate In the senate.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-08-17

Truth is stranger than fiction"
Yes, and the majority of men seem
to be shy on associating with strang-
ers"
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-04-14
and Beautiful Park With a Lake
Confined to White People Exclusively

Where could you find desirable place to rear and
educate your children? s. These beautiful lots are now
selling for $4,000; $4,000 down and $1,000 "a month
for Is month, without interest and without taxes Over
half have been sold already Buy today before its too late
For Further Information, See FOUNTAIN BROS
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-04-14

The Directors guaran,
tee after the first one hun
dred lots have been sold
to erect q 100000 school
building in this addition
and present it to the city,
including the grounds.
The Daily Missoulian., 1913-03-02

let, rings and immense Russian star
diamond earrings with pink rubies.
The whole represents a value of hun
dreds of thousands of dollars, yet these
jewels form but a part of Nine. Bakh-
metieffs immense collection.
Another social leader at the capital
whose jewels might be envied by
queen Is Mrs. Edward Beale Mclean,
the daughter OF one multi-million-
aire and the wife of another. AS
every body knows she is the owner
OF the famous Hope diamond. Another
little trnket which she prizes is a
pure white diamond, which she has
named ''rhe Star of the East" She
wears 1t as n pendant, and 1t Is the
frequent companion of the Hope dia-
mond on gala occasions "rhe Star OF
the East" IL valued at $l50,000, and
was one OF Mr.. McLcans wedding gifts
to his bride.
Other Washington women to have
gem collections worth while are Mrs.
Franklin MacNeagh wife of the mill
lionaire secretary of the treasury;
Mrs. George Wickersham, wife OF Mr..
Taft's wealthy attorney general, and
Mrs. Levi Il. Letter. Mrs. Mac
Neagh's jewel collection is valued at
s., ,0OO, 900