The Marshall republican., 1913-12-05
Press Clipping

4 ASOo SAlpPlAIS
Boston Post: Nowedd-Did you
sew the button on my overcoat. love?
Mrs. Newedd-No, darling. I could
1T find the button, SO just sewed up
the button hole.
Washington Herald: Why don't
YOU take a wife, old chum7 ! don't
know. You must have some reason.
Well, the fact is, couldn't afford
1913 wife on my i9I2.saiary.
Courier Journal: Hurry up and
save the girl, brnwied the chief. why
don't you hurry? The fireman bent
over and whispered down three stor-
les. I'll have her on the ladder in a
minute. chief. I'm waiting for her TO
curl her hair.
This is a foine country, Bridget!
exclaimed Norah. who recently ar
rived in the United States. Sure,
It's generous to everybody. asked
at the postoffice about sinding money
to my mither. and tho young man
tells me I can get a money order for
tin dollars for tin cents. Think OF
that now.
Related by the Osborne Farmer:
A teacher was hearing the grammar
class. "An abstract noun Is the
name OF something you can think o!
but not touch." she explained and
then asked: Now. Phillip. can you
give me an exampie?" Philip looked
thoughtful for q moment and then his
face frightened. Eyes. ma'am." he
said, u red-hot poker"
School Superintendent (cross ques-
tloning the terrified classl: And
now want you boys TO tell me who
wrote Hamlet Frightened boy:
"P-p-please, sir. it-lt wasn't me-
That same evening the superintend-
ent was talking 10 his host. the squire
OF the village. The superintendent
said: Most amusing thing happen
ed today. was questioning the
class over at the school. and asked II
boy who wrote Hamlet lie answer
cd tearfully 'P-p-plcase, sir. II wasn't
me- " After,ioud and prolonged
laughter. the squire said: That's
pretty good; and ! suppose tho. little
rascal had done II all the time"
"a reckon" said the first farmer.
that get up earlier than anybody
In this nclghborhood. am always
up before three o'clock In the morn
ng." The second farmer said he was
always up before then and had part OF
the chores done. The first farmer
thought he was liar and decided TO
find out. a few mornings later he
got up at 2 o'clock and went to the
neighbor's house. lie raped on the
back door and the woman OF the
house opened Il. where is your
husband?" asked the farmer, expect
ing TO find the neighbor In bed. "iie
was around here early In the morn
ing" answered the wife. but | don't
know where he Is now"
Cleveland Plain Dealer: II there
IL a difference between rural wit and
any other kind. II is this-that rural
wit is mellower In flavor. In this II
resembles English wit: the rough cor
ners have been rounded off by the at
triton OF years, and more nearly per-
feet Jokes result. Ira Beasore drove
into town Just before the big rain the
other day. and he saw orio Tuttle
setting tubs and barrels under all the
spouts around his house. So Ira
pulls up and hollers at orlo: Hey,
Arlo. What ye doin'?" Looks
like rain, an I'm a-settin' out these
tubs SOS the woman can have some
soft water fer her washin' Monday"
answers Arlo, all innocent like and
not thinkin' about what a great cod
der Ira is. "Sho!" says Ira. "You
won't git no soft water" "Why
won't II" Cause its going to rain
Aard! Hawhaw-haw! Git ep!"
hs bne oi@sg-Iuoy diiW jn1