davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21

there is little to distract the mind but
trees, and birds, and the occasional in
tru>iUn Of an active-minded travelling
man upon the peaceful flow OF rural
life, can work eighteen hours day
and not feel it; bat here in the city
with lis endless turmoil and hustle, l
not only find it next 10 impossible to
work. but al the end of each day am
worn to a frazzle by the incessant
spectacle OF the activities of other peo-
pie"
Il know what YOU mean," said the
Idiot. with an approving nod. Down
ON Wall Street. for instance, it makes
Us brokers terribly tired watching other
people as busy as bees while we sit
around wondering whether it is the
tree wool provision of the tariff bill,
or d general massacre of adolcscent
muttons somewhere, that is respon-
Sible for the scarcity of lambs down
our way. Last week the total gross
takings of my concern were ST. IS which
somebody dropped on the floor, and it
is an honest fact that it has tired us
out more handling that than it would
if we had taken in $4,000 a day"
I'm glad of it." said the Biblio-
maniac. You fellows who deal in
margins are getting what's coming to
YOU, all right, all right"
We fellows who deal in margins :"
echoed the Idiot, with laugh. well,
| like that If there ever was a crea-
ture on the face of this earth who de-
lighted in margins, and who made
four-cent book sell for ninety-two dol
lars on a mere basis of an extra inch
of margin, it is the average biblio-
maniac. If we on Wall Street could
only coin white paper into cash with
half the facility with which you bib
lionaniacS do it, Mr.. Carnegie would
probably drop his present intention of
giving a hero medal to every stock
broker who stays in business until
after the first of January. You ough.
to remember that old proverb about
people who live in stone houses throw
ing glass, Mr. Bib. The Pot that called
the Kettle black got an awful licking
when it came to a showdown, and you
never heard Tammany man calling
cork-screw crooked. / admit we brok-
crs have our faults, but no booklover
in creation has any right to find fault
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21

Upon this Merry Christmas Day
May happiness attend your way.
And all good things your portion be
Despite the deal you've given me
OF course, that would be right in the
Christmas Spirit of Good Will and
General Amnesty to our enemies, but
it wouldn't be sincere. But what Il
glorious card to send him would be
this one Of mine entitled:
UNDER THE MISTLETOE.
II underneath the Mistletoe
You'll stand when 1 appear.
You'll get a hearty smack, but o
Twill be upon the ear!
l know ffty-seven people Id mail that
to right now if l only had it ready.
There's nothing mushy about it either"
Sounds pretty good to me-" said the
Doctor. "Let me have a copy of that,
will your"
~On receipt of ten-dollar bill, sir,
you may have an autographed copy
said the Idiot IT'S copyrighted, as is
also the following, which l have de-
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21

ought to do anothe: towering the fool
ish way most of US have of wadding
our insides with indigestible food on
Christmas Day in the name of JOY"
"Oh, I've attended to that" smiled
the Idiot. II have prepared what |
venture to call a perfect gem on just
that subject. I'll read il to you
Here the idiot drew a manuscript
from his pocket and read as follows:
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
o the Christmas dinner with its wealth
20 the awful anguish that within them
lurking liesD
o the happy moments with the pudding
full OF plums-
20 the pain at midnight in our tummy-
tummy -tumsD
the flowing wassail with its rich and
Juicy tang
20 the icy towels round the consequen-
tial pangD
Wish you Merry Christmas? Well, let's
put the wish this way:
May you have a Merry Day After Christ
mas Day!
That seems to me to have a dis
tinct moral value, as we'll as hygienic
significance that is not to be despised."
Possibly" said the Doctor, "but
after all, why throw cold water upon
the innocent joys of the Christmas
Dinner
20 WELL" said the idiot, 81 don't
suppose a Doctor would approve OF
that kind of a warning, and maybe il
l. found a publisher for it you could
have US arrested for conspiring to ruin
your business-but just the same 1
think it would be a popular successes
after Christmas if not before. Now
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21

tor five dollars. for telling me that
something must have disagreed with
me, and that for two days anyhow
ought to be careful of what l eat. But
this idea | have for the Poet even in
this scintillant company, with the Bib
liomaniac shining like polished nickel
in the full glare of the MONDAY sun,
with the Doctor fairly corruscating
with those brilliant epigrams that shine
like a naughty deed in a respectable
community, and the table before us
sparkling with the glitter of twenty
four refulgent peached eggs resting on
their couches of toast like SO many
glorious planets in the outrageous
armament, still strikes me as being i'm
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21

signed for the chap who's hard up, and
has resolved that he is going to cut
out Christmas presents altogether this
year. l call it
REMEMBRANCE
When Christmas comes with all it's care
And ruinous expense,
And foolish persons everywhere
Pile up their debts immense.
II you perchRnce remember me
AS you've done hitherto
Please bear in mind where'er You be
I DON'T REMEMBER YOU!
well, now, really, MIR. Idiot
beamed the Bibliomaniac, 81. never ex-
pected to accuse you of being genius,
but there's real stuff in that You
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21

owes you ten dollars
TO MY FRIEND.
Send me no thoughts on this Christmas
morn!
Send me no line Of our friendship born,
Speed me no hint of your love for me!
Wish me no Day overrunning with glee!
Card me no cards full Of hand-painted
cheer
Just send the ten that you borrowed last
year!
BY Jove, Mr.. Idiot, Pm mighty
glad to hear that one" said the Law
yer Just copy that off on card and
sign my name to it, and mail it to
you? 1t may call up memories"
"SUREP said the Idiot. AT my
usual rates that will just square the
ten ! owe you, Mr.. Brief. I'm glad to
get the .confounded thing of my mind
so easily, and thank you for your kind
patronage. But to complete my work,
finally, ! have a card for a Rejected
Suitor to send to his former love that
think is a corker. There are plenty
of cards to be had expressing ones
blind devotion to a current inamorata,
but for defunct devotion nobody has
attended to the needs of the poor devil
whose girl has gone back on him.
Hence these wondrous lines
TO MY FORMER LOVE.
When Santa Claus comes down the fiue
On Christmas morn to visit you,
Just treat him as you've treated me.
Take all he's got from TO z
Take all the furs from OF his back
Turn inside out his brimming pack
And when you find he's got no more.
Just kick him gently through the door.
Isn't that a dandy? Eh? What?"
at sure is" said the Poet. ats
fne-but really, Mr.. Idiot, l don't see
why you want to take me into partner
ship. You do the thing so well your
self you really don't need my assist
ance"
mo, don't need you" said the
Idiot, 'but think it would be nice to
have you. 1t would keep you from
becoming my rival, don't you see,
which would be very desirable, for
after reading that mistletoe card OF
yours l am inclined to believe that you
are the only man in the country who
can writS more idiotic poetry than l
can, and / want to stave of . ruinous
eompetision.S ""
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21
By FRED C. KELLY,

Ik-~ OOD morning, Brother
IL Penn" said the Idiot geni-
ally, as the Poet entered
the breakfast room the other day, 81
am glad to see you. You are just the
man | have been looking for. / had
a grand idea along about S:s5 g. m.
this morning, and despite the fact that
the mercury was flirting with the
freezing point, and the hot-water fau-
Get in my bathroom was dripping
icicles into the tub, l jumped out of
bed, and donning my bathrobe and
rubberS sped like stag across the hall
10 your room to submit it to you. l
knocked eighteen times, and all l got
for an answer was a deep Parnassian
rumble that indicated to me that at
times YOU might be said to snore a
little"
Nothing short OF an earthquake
could have walked me up at that hour, /"
said the Poet. Il was terribly tired.
| always do get tired at this season Of
the year
You shouldn't work so hard" said
the Landlady, solicitously.
1T isn't work. Madame" said the
Poet, but just the wearing effect upon
an emotional nature such as mine of
seeing countless thousands of people
hurrying hither and yon, bustling
about in a mad race for nothing in
particular, wearing themselves and
everybody else out with their nervous
activity. OFF in the country where
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21

Asks Poet to Join Him in Production and Exploitation
of One of Lies Necessities Viz, the Christmas Re-
minder-He Cites Coal Oil John As Exemplar Of
Man Who Got Rich by Dealing in Something
People Must Have-Yuetide Mush Flakes,
As Breakfast Food He Predicts, Would
Sell.Well-The Bibliomaniac Has to
Admit There's Real Stuff in
Some of the Idiots Lucu-
brations-Chance of the
Knockers to Get Even
Conveniently.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21

here's another to send to a man who
owes you ten dollars
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21

Lk~ OOD morning. Brother
Penn" said the Idiot, geni-
The Washington herald., 1913-12-21

pin-faced damsel peeping out of the
top sof a plaid sock hanging from the
mantelpiece of bachelors apartment,
reading
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
W. c, 7. j. Worker In Dickinson

Mrs. Lora La Nance. a National w.
C. T.. U. organizer, will be in Dickin-
son next Sunday, June 9Th. She will
meet the ladies at 3 p. a., address a
street meeting at 7 80 and speak at a
union meeting at 8 o'clock. She is very
fatterin9ly commended where she has
spoken by the press. The following is
copied from the Citizen. Campbell. Mo.
The Citizen of Campbell. NO., gave
almost an entire column to a review OF
Mrs. La Mance's two addesse s at that
place, giving this asa summing up
Mrs. La Nance is the best speaker
that it has been our pleasure to hear
Her lecture was something different,
and was thoroughly appreciated by
those who heard it. At the Presbyter-
ian church Mrs. La Nance delivered
another of her characteristic lectures.
and captivated another large audience.
Mrs. La Nance did a world of good fol
the cause of temperance. and we hope
she will come this way again."
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
LOCAL NEWS

J. B. Stoddard was down from SEN
tinel Butte on thursday.
Considerable correspondence was un-
avoidably omitted this week.
C. w.. Foster is attending the Fire
mans convention in Washington, DC,
as a delegate.
A man by the name of Erickson from
Lehigh was bound over to district court
on Thursday on the charge of bootleg
cling. He could not furnish a ST, 000
bond and went tt Jail.
The St. Joseph school commencement
exercises at the opera house. on Monday
evening were we'll attended. The
music was good and the parts were
well taken by the young people.
There was quite a severe hail storm
northeast of New England last Satur-
day. The damage did not mount to
anything. but it made the farmers hurry
to town t get their crops insured.
Early in the week Attorneys T. F.
Murtha and W. F. Burnett were in
Bismarck where they met with mem.
bers of the state pardon board and ar
ranged for the pardon of J. S. White tt
take effect December 10th, thus reduc.
ing his sentence 80 days and restoring
citizenship. Warden Tallcott anc
former warden, Frank Hellstrom. re.
ported that Mr.. White had an absolutely
perfect record. 1t is gratifying to the
family to know that district judges, SUI.
preme judges, and everybody are salts.
fed with the action of the board anC
that Mr.. White will be home for hi:
next Christmas dinner.
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
Antelope

Atty. H E. Hagerman of Hebron CAL
led on his aunt, Mrs. Hill Tuesday.
Jacob Krem is helping L. j. Doren-
kemper in moving from Richardton.
Leslie Hill returned from Mandan
Sunday to spend his vacation at his
home here.
T. S. Underhill returned from his
all winter stay in the EAST Sunday and
intends to spend some time on his
Springvale farm.
Miss Margaret Fisher went to Hebron
Monday to enter as nurse girl at the
Columbia hotel.
Miss Mary Helen Kahn returned home
last Thursday from her school work at
Mott the past year.
Quite a number from here attended
the Fuchs-Lehmann wedding at the
home of the brides. folks Sunday.
Invitations are out for the wedding
of Fred Wiege and Miss Schenffee May
9th at the home of the groom's par
ents.
Philip Riesez, with C.. Dude. Jr.. and
Jacob Reich as his witnesses, went to
Dickinson last Friday to take out his
IN papers. John Deerheim also. was
up to becomes c~iitizzsenllx. ,.e.
E. F. Hill, K. Hof. and Mike Krem
left TO Oregon Monday. to look over the
country and take in the Rose carnival
at Portland. 81 =
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
LOCAL NEWS
Editor John M. Connolly is up from
New England for a few days.

Editor John M. Connolly is up from
New England for a few days.
Large cans Kippered Herring, IL cents
a can at Roquette's economy sale Satur
day.-adv.
Miss Margaret Berry returned the past
week from St. Paul where she has
been attending school.
Frank Royston and Willie L~ittlehales
were in Medora OIL Friday trying their
luck at fishing in the Little Missouri
river.
Miss Sibyl Clark expects to leave for
the west on Saturday. She intends to
visit in Seattle. Tacoma and Portland
and other coast cities.
Miss Louise Poland returned from
Fargo Wednesday to spend the summer
vacation. She has been attending the
Agricultural College.
Justice A. P. Folsom had a record
day on Thursday, disposing of four
civil and four criminal cases. The at
torneys who appeared before him were :
Murtha. Burgeson. Casey, Hevener,
Heffron and Blume.
The ole of Shipley school district
will hold a special election on June
2lst for the purpose of voting on the
proposition of consoldi ating the schools
of RAIDER township and erecting q
central school at the site of school No.
3.
The city council had a stormy session
Monday night talking over the enforce.
ment of ordinances. etc. All coal bids
were rejected, the prices received be-
ing 81. 50 from Zenith Co., $2.57 from
the Consolidated and $2.63 from thu
Deiters Fuel Co. The purchasing com
mittee will look up prices elsewhere.
The Dickinson Cement Co. gets contract
for city work. The sewer and watel
petitions by Beidler, Hayes. Gordon, ct
al, was turned over to the ways and
means committee. Also similar petit.
ions from south side.
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
Taken Into The Churches

The following were received into
membership in the Congregational
church Sunday morning, June list:
Cleon M. Auner, j. W. yBrubaker,
MIS-. J. w. Brubaker. G. T. Davis. Mrs.
G. T. Davis, j. F. Friend. Mrs. J. F.
Friend, Donald Hahn. c. H. ~lanedale,
Mrs. c. H. Lansdale, Richard Paul
Lanedale. Mildred Langdale, Raymond
Langdale. Mrs j. S. Leary, Florence
Leary, Mrs. Grace Mitchell, Daisy Nit
chell. AIonzo Nichols, Miss Lizzie
Rapp, Miss Grace Rapp. Miss Viola
Rapp. Hazel Rumble. Ethel Rumble.
Bert Waddell, Miss Rose Waddell.
Others were voted in at the business
meeting whe will receive the right hand
of fellowship later.
Those received in the Methodist
church on the same date, are: A. H.
Bfandhagen, Frsnk Baxter. Mrs. F.
Baxter. Mrs. John Beaver. Mrs. M. G.
Brown, Mrs. W. F. Burnett. Maxwell
Burnett, Allie Brown, Mrs. r. M. Gran
dali. Fay Cooke, Irene Church. Chas.
Delaney, Mrs. B. B. Delaney, Mrs.
William Fisher, Jas. Foot, Oscar FAR,
Mrs. o. Farr. L. B. Gagnon, Mrs. L.
B. Gaenon. Irene Gaenon, J. H. Glib
son. VIM. Hasenwinkle. Mrs. Nm
Hasenwinkle, Rosa Hornstra, Mrs. John
Hornstra, Robert Lyon, ST., Opal E.
Lawhead. Mrs. S. A. Lane, Ruth
Lewis, Mrs. M. Lyal. Lyall B. Merry,
Fife Merry, Mrs. C. F. Merry, Will c.
Meyer, A. A. Meredith, Mrs. A. A.
Meredith. W. T. Nickel, Puma Nichols,
Lewis Nichols. Emma Nichols, Mrs. T,
H. Nelson, Mae Reed, Mrs. S. C. Ross.
Clarence Summers, Roy Smith, ". O.
Smith, Mrs. W. o. Smith, Pearl Smith,
Walter L. Sterland. Mrs. Walter Ster
land. Fred Sibley, Roland Smith. Mrs
Jennie Stenquist. Mabel Stewart, Myrtl,
Smith. Gordon Smith, Nels Thompson,
Paul Tyeum. Mrs. Paul Tygum, j. W
War6eld. Mrs. j. W. Warfeld, ElmeI
Warfield.
About ten Of these received the rit,
of beptism by immersion below the dix
and about rs of these were baptized b!
s~prinkling at. the church Sunday even
ing.
A class of "a was confirmed at St
Patrick's church as follows: Alice Need
ham, Catharine Needham, Margare
Needham, Fadora Drury, Lucille Clark
Eleanor Toole, Catharine Mckinley
Hattie Pavalicek, Bina Carroll, Heller
Cuskelly. Ronald Dundas, Joseph Brodie
! William Walton Anton Pavalicek, Cyri
Dfury, Lawrence Carroll, Michael Nc
Ginley, Herbert Toole, Leo Mullaney
Leo Cuskelly, Victor Barker, Theodor,
Rudiselle, Edward Shaw, and Waite
Lyon,
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
Gorham

Mr.. Thorson made q trip to BelfeId
Thursday.
Mrs. Bishop called at .T%horson's
Wednesday.
Rev. Thorpe of Bel6eld visited around
,Gorham Thursday. n,,E.
Roy Dietz made a trip to his home-
stead this week.
Oscar Axness finished work at Thor
sons last week.
Ole Lunde and Tom Voster were in
Belfield Wednesday.
Joe Fritz and MI. Monohan were
in Bel6eld Thursday.
Mr.. Newstad will have charge of the
fairfield post Office.
Ed. Sampmann was in Belfield and
Dickinson or Monday.
Mrs. Axness went to Belfeld with
the mail carrier Saturday.
Sigird Hammarstan. is staying at Bis
hops with Hazel Smith while Mrs..
Bishop is away.
Mrs. Bishop went to Dickinson Thurs
day where she will visit at the CrowE
home for a time.
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
ST. JosEpH's HOSPITAL

Mrs. Piatt of Manning is here for
treatment.
Little Harry Conradson of Taylor had
an operation.
On June 1st a son was born to Mr..
and Mrs. C.. B.. Jensen.
A son was born to MI. and Mrs. O.
A. Roberts on May 30th.
John Grossman of Marshall had a
very serious operation this week.
Josephine Dershen, son of George
Dershen of Midway, had an operation
this week.
Anton Pavlicek. 3 years old. son of
Amel Pavlicek of Dickinson. had an
operation on his knee.
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
New interpretations

Western Coal Co., Medora, Billings
county. capital stock, 10000; incorpor.
ators, L. H. Hallin, N. S. Mitchell, both
of Duluth, Mimi, and J. T. Roysten.
Medora, N. D.
First State bank, South Heart, Stark
county, capital stock, $4,000; incorpor.
ators, A.. G.. Anderson :, Fergus Falls,
Mimi, B. r. Thorkelson, South Heart,
N. D. and E..A. Hoff, Ypsilanti, N. D.
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
BUSINESS LOCALS

FOR RENT.-7-room house. Inquire
of Max Hendrick.--adv. 5-24-tf
We loan money and have it on hand
for business. See Everett. +s-h
Wanted competent girl for general
housework. Mrs. H. A. Davis adv.
4.26.tf
Try our blanched home sailed peanuts.
Extra fine. Langdale's Candy Kitchen.
adv 6-7-tt
Good second hand furnace for sale,
cheap if taken at nee r. D. Jennings.
adv. 6-7-3t
FOR SALE-Horse, saddle and bride,
also pony, cart and harness. {. D.
L1TCH. 5-24-tt
lap Rose or Palm Olive soap, 3 bars
for p cents at Roquette's economy sale
Saturday.-adv
Phone 24e k-Scherffius. We will
call for clock, repair and deliver 1t,
huff sed.-adv. 1t
Repairing pumps and windmills; mills
set up or taken down. Geo. F. Thorn
son 42o Third Ave. W.-adv. 5-24-tf
A good maple sugar maker in Yer,
mont has about IS ten-pound pals Of
sugar, for sale altogether or in smaller
lots. Address f. P. Walbridge, Cabot
Vermont.-adv. 5-3l-2t
D. d. Sullivan, optical specialist, Of
Fargo, will be in Dickinson, profession
ally, Saturday, June Fl; Belield, Mon
day June %. All persons having defec'
tive oversight or who need their glasses
changed or renewed, should call and see
him. Office at St. Charles hotel.
VT.
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07


Have you heard about the
big live stock fair and cele-
bration at Lefor on July grid
and 9Th? The live stock
show will be on the -3rd, fol-
. lowed by the usual celebra-
ton on the 4th. There will
be a small prize for every
thing shown which will in
clude the best looking baby.
Fuller announcement later.
ADAM A. LEFOR.
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
Rjchardton

Miss Magdaleha Fuch and Frank
Lehman were married Sunday by Rev.
Lembke of Dickinson. Particulars of
the wedding will be given later.
A daughter was born to Mi. and Mrs.
Joseph Hubert on May goth:
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07
THE CITY
SORROWS
Mrs. A. 7. Crowd, Loving and Kind
Wife, Mother, neighbor and
Friend, Breatbes ner
Last.

Mrs. Amos +. Crowl peacefully
breathed her last at II rs O'Clock
Thursday night. She had slept all day,
with her family and loving friends
watching by her side.'
It wat about the middle of May that
Mrs. Crowl had a bad day and her
relatives were summoned. She rallied
and was able to visit with her brothers
and friends who came from a distance.
Abe Currie, from California. was the
last to arrive. At no time during het
last three weeks did she have any pain,
and it is a great comfort to her family
to know that she was prepared for the
hereafter and passed away so calmly.
Mr.. and Mrs. Crowl and Miss Crowl
went to southern California early in
the fall where they spent two or three
months at their fruit ranch before it
was found necessary to take Mrs. Crowl
to Rochester with all possible speed.
She stood the operation on February 3rd
with almost super human strength, re-
turning to her Dickinson home early in
April. For a time Mrs. Crowl seemed
to improve and was able to be out Of
doors a little. However, it had been
realized that the operation could only
prolong life for a time and this respite
was not so long as had been hoped and
expected.
Margaret Ann Currie was born in
Canada, coming to, Minnesota with hel
family when only nine or ten years
old. The greater part of her girlhood
days were spent at Troy, MINI. After
her marriage to A. T. Crowl, the home
twas at St. Charles for a long time. Mr..
and Mrs. Crowl and only child, Miss
Grace, came to Dickinson 81 years ago
the coming August,
Besides the %sorrowing husband and
daughter, Mrs. Crowl is survived by
FIVE brothers and one sister as follows
Neil Currie Of Merriam Park. MIMI,
Mrs. Jean Crowl of this city, John ".
Currie of Haley, E. A. Currie Of Cali
fornia and Will Currie of Minneapolis,
all of whom were at the bedside OF
! their sister during her last hours except
Will Currie who returned east last
week.
Mrs. Crowl was 63 years old the 18th
of last September and was a woman Of
high ideals, a kind hearted neighbo'
and friend, always trying to do some
thing for others and she will be great
ly missed in the community. She wa
a member of St. Johns Episcopa
church also of the local Eastern Sta
order and a Jealous worker in each.
Services will be held Sunday after
noon at 2 O'Clock from St. John.
church, Rev. Griswold Bragaw. rector
and it is expected that Bishop Man
of Fargo will be here for the service
Those selected as pail bearers are
DR.. v. H. Stickney, A. Hilliard, S. M
Ferris. W. A.. Mcclure, Geo. A. 'Senou
and John Leask. Interment will b
in the Dickinson cemetery, as arrange
before Mrs. Crowl's death.
Mrs. Crowl's many friends sorrow t
lose her companionship and sympathiz
deeply with her grief-stricken family
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07

"A sprained ankle may as a rule be
cured in from three to four days by APP
plying Cramberlain's Liniment and OBJ
serving the directions with, each bottle.
For sale by all dealers.-adv. ID
The Dickinson press., 1913-06-07

There is no real need of anyone being
troubled with constipation. Chamber.
lain's Tablets will cause an agreeable
movement of the bowels without any uu-
pleasant effect. Give them a trial. For
sale by all dealers.-adv.