davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
by THE WAY
By HARVEY PARSONS.

While attending debate of the ques-
ton. is a rain more desirable than a
full week of fair?' poll the attendance
before taking chips. The question is
not only debatabIe but loaded.
The new rule for spotting the ''rubes'
at state fair is to count the occupants
of the auto. A farmer doesn't use gas
oline transporting empty seats from
place to place. Another sure symptom
of agriculturitis is to be found in Il
diagnosis of the clothes and cigars. a
farmer smokes cheaper cigars and
wears more expensive clothes than
does the city man.
The hopeless fan looks at it from
this slant; oh. well, a rain now
means a Couble-header later, so why
holIer?"
Some people cater to the Great Amer
lean Mania by playing poker, and 9TH
ers by purchasing state fair conces-
sions at the wrong end of a protracted
drouth
Jack Supp says he likes poultry. but
draws the line at ducks in Kansas, be-
cause one has to be dry cleaning them
one day and putting on their. rubber
boots and life Dreservers the next.
Topeka TOOK hlgn prizes Tor poultry,
but the most attractive chickens"
were in the grand stand when the
awards We're made-and not all of
them were home grown. Believe our
self, some of the most attractive
"chickings" were from points where
the yield of corn was lowest and chinch
bugs highest.
Gov. Cruce of Oklahoma has the legal
power to hang a criminal who deserves
the rope. but he says he will not permit
the execution of the death penalty. He
should form a partnership with Gov.
Nardan1an, who favors the same thing
unofficial hanging.
1t is reported that the lid is loose on
Wichita. If that is all, Wichita is
lucky. The hoops are loose on other
Kansas cities.
1t is generally conceded that no mar
ried man has a right to firt. Most
of them slip around it by holding that
it is a pasti1ne and not a business.
We are warned says Hondo Muir
ply, that gas will be Lower this Win
ter As gas cannot get lower. unless
1t begins at the wells, which, it's said
are somewhat deep. it is not up to US
to worry
Every married woman. when she Wis
its the state fair, gets justification for
the next year from a visit to the draft
horse pavilion. A draft horse pulls
load, but he needs a driver.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
EVENING CHAT
The Illogical Funeral.
BIZ RUTH CAMERON.


The latest scandal brought to me
by the neighborhood is this: Mr.. NJ. s
mother had just died. She-the
neighborhood gossip-went to the
funeral, and, what do you think, MI
NJ. and his wife were there, of course,
but they might just as well have
stayed at home for al the respect
they showed the dead. Why, he had
on a light grey suit, and she wore
old blue and a light blue feather in
her nat They didn't even have the
decency to wear black gloves. And
they looked so cheerful. She was such
a lovely woman, I should think they
might show a little grief for her
Now, Mrs. NJ, senior, was one of
the sweetest old ladies I ever knew.
She died at the age of so after a
beautiful life that could leave no
doubt in a believers mind of her i'm
mediate translation to happy world.
Moreover. in the last few months she
had suffered a good deal and had be-
come nearly blind. She left pain for
peace, weakness for strength, blind
ness for a fuller vision than she had
ever known. She left behind a scant
half dozen of her nearest and dearest,
but more than a score of those whom
she had loved long since and lost
awhle-father, mother, husband,
sisters and brothers, sons and daugh-
tiers, were waiting for her on the shin
ing shore.
Now can you see any reason for
grief?
1 certainly can not.
OF course, her children would nat
urally feel some selfish pain for their
own loss. but if they truly loved her
that would surely be swallowed up in
the knowledge of her happiness.
| AS I have said again and again, if
we really believe in the Immortality
| of the soul, and if we believe that the
| soul of our beloved was fit for heaven,
we have no possible reason for a pa
rade of grief. Some selfish suffer-
| ing we must of course feel, but isn't
| it our duty to conceal rather than
| parade it?
| Someone with whom 1 was talking
on this subject called my ideas mod
| ern. Are they modern? Take up
| your Shakespeare and read the dia-
| logue between the wise fool and the
foolish lady in Twelfth Night:
Good madonna" says the Fool
when he finds Olivia grieving over her
/ brother, give me leave to prove you
a FOOL
Can you do to" says Olivia.
| ''Dexterously, good madonna" o.-
| Make your proof"
Good madonna, why mournest
thou?'
Good fool, for my brothers death
Il think his soul is in hell, ma
donna"
4 know his soul is in heaven,
| fool"
The more fool, madonna, to mourn
for your brothers soul being in
heaven. Take away the fool gentle
men,
Or better still, turn to Christs own
words to the disciples when they
mourned his approaching translation:
IF We loved me, We would be glad
when I said 1 go unto my Father"
DO you think Christ would have ap-
proved of our conventional funeral?
Never in the world.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
HUNOQ or The DAY

Don't you think man is greatly influ-
enced by his environment mot always
l once knew a man who drove a sprink-
ling cart for nine years and died of acute
alcoholism. "-Birmingha Age-Herald.
dignant author. Very bad" replied the
manager. How do you account for the
fact that a lot of people applaud?''
NEARLY everybody who attends a theater
is either a host or a guest. They applaud
in a considerate effort to keep up each
me in this fightr' II was replied the
man who mind changes. Now 1 have
sympathy for you."-Washingto STAR
"W ~ do they call us literary hacks?"
asked the first writer 'I give 1T up
said the second writer Goodness knows
we don't earn as much as a flackman -
Washington Herald.
Hello is. this Professor Buddem, the
lessor Budden' Say, professor, can
you get peaches by grafting?" "why.
certainly" well, then. what kind or
eaches?"-Buffalo Express.
Have you any answer to make to the
charges that have been brought against
you?" NO" replied Mr.. Grafton Grabb-
THE circumstances are such that every
the foundation for more questions. =
Washington Star.
The dish had just run away with the
spoon. Jones wouldn't wash US while his
wife was away" they explained.-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.J

the NEWS.
Dull times often make sharp appe-
t:tes.
A chaperon is a woman who is sup
posed to be an immune.
He is an agile politician who can
successfully dodge an issue.
If a woman is jealous she always in
sists that she's no such thing,
If you would be popular make 9TH
ers believe they know more than you.
A man who isn't tied to his wife's
apron string doesn't want to get away.
The young man who declines to flirt
with a pretty blonde let's a golden OPP
portunity pass.
The man who earns a good living
has nothing to complain of-unless
some other fellow gets it.
No, Alonzo, you can never tell how
heavily she will tread on your neck
after marriage by the size of her tan
oxford.
A medical journal has an article on
How to Lie When Asleep" OF more
value would be an article on how to
induce people to tell the truth when
awake.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

wha: he says"
n III say YES. I bet He wants me to
be happy"
DO you really love me. Billy. dear?
She bent down ..nd kissed his forehead
Il love YOU just like l love my daddy;
Just the very same he said. and looking
up was surprised to see his DADDY leAi-
and one around himself.
Daddy, couldn't you let her be my
really. truly stepmother?'
I want her too, son I've been want
ing her for long time
do YOU know her alreadY?
Yes she is my sweetheart Billy And
ow. Anne now that you have won him
so completely, you won't be AFRAID any
more. You'll come to US soon, won
you?'
LAS soon as I can get a few dresses
made" she promised.
Have 'em all pink urged Billy. sleep
lily Pink is the prettiest color there IS.
-(Copyright 1913. by the Mcclure News
paper Syndicate.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
ON TIE SPUR
or THE AOMENT
BY ROY K. MOULTON.

Pirates.
The pirate of old
Went forth for the gold
And sailed on a perilous deck.
By the skull and cross-bones
And the weird Davy Jones
He got it and gems by the peck.
True colors he flew
And all of his crew
Were proud of their illegal ways.
eve are pirates they said,
pass the swag or you're dead"
They were frank in those swash.
buckling days.
The old pirate chief
Was a picturesque thief
Who never would stoop to disguise.
In the open he fought
When it CHANGED that he caught
A strange ship that looked like q
prize.
He knew should he lose,
Twas to die in his Shoes
He never asked quarter or aid.
We're he nipped, twas a Ink
Or a walk on the plank
And he went to his doom, unafraid
The pirate today
Has different way,
He does not fare forth on the sea.
With an AK or a knife,
A fight for his life
A smooth proposition is he.
He knows in advance
That he takes no chance
OF facing the plank or the rack.
For legal advice
He has paid q long price,
His victim can never fight back.
In mad money lust,
He gets up a trust
And corners a thing people need.
Or some mining scheme,
That sounds like a dream,
Get the dough-" is his undyins
creed.
The pirate of old
If the truth should be told
Was an honest old thief in a way.
He was surely a gent,
With a sincere intent,
When compared with the pirate to-
day.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
Sheep as Lawn Mowers.

After a person has studied the pro-
f1igate methods of Mr.. Rockefeller it is
hard to see how he is going to avoid
dying in the poor house 1t is firmly
believed by a great many people that
Mr. Rockefeller is the grandest old
personal spendthrift since Russell Sage.
1t has just become known that Mr..
Rockefeller has brought 400 sheep to
eat the grass on the lawns of his Tar
rytown estate. In this way he avoids
the use of the motor lawnmowers. The
sheep will keep the lawns well trimmed
all fattened and ready for market. The
nothing and in the fall will give up
their young lives in Mr.. Rockefeller's
behalf. OF course that may be a good
joke on the sheep, but it only leads to
further insight into John DIS very pro-
figate methods of dissipating mis- large
fortune.
If Mr.. Rockefeller continues to throw
his money at the birds there may be
grave doubts as to how long his bill
lion may last, even if he does add so
or 40 million to it each year. 1t would
be a distinct shock to see J. D. in his
old age standing on the corner selling
lead pencils and something should be
done to curb his reckless extrava-
gance. The people are doing all they
can to support him now by buying gas
oline at his own prices, but they cam
not guarantee to keep him going for
ever in the wild orgy of money-spend-
ing which he seems to have mapped
out for himself.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
JOURNAL ENTRIES

There is room for improvement in
everybOdy's manners.
+ y =
Good intentions are not always good
security for a loan.
!. + j
1t is often lucky for a faint heart
not to win a fair lady.
!. -
ANY two mems ideas are certain to
differ as to what constitutes fair eX-
change.
% = +
The bigger the hill to climb, the
more satisfaction there is when one
reaches the top.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

as the worlds biggest and most IN
sinkable ship.
While the size. design and construc-
ton of the Imperator assure her buoy
ancy and entitle her to be called col
lision- proof" there absolutely is not a
thing about the ship that justifies the
use of the term ''fireproof." The I'm
peratOr is not too big to burn. In
fact. the enormous size makes the ship
relatively more combustible than
smaller ships.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Mr.. Bryan is a discerning politician
of wide experience, and he CONSTITUTES
the result of the recent congressional
election in Maine as indicating that
erstwhile Progressives are turning
back to the Republican party. And
the attention of the Bull Moose lead
ers is respectfully directed to the fact
that the Republican party has not as
yet placed its stamp of approval on all
the policies of the Progressive party.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

1t pays to conform to the customs
of a country. Two Arctic explorers
passed out a few kicks to Eskimos
instead of gumdrops and they paid for
their carelessness with their lives.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Maybe Senator Poindexter voted for
the Democratic tariff bill in hopes
that some OF the jobs its income tax
provisions create will fall in the di-
rection of more of his relatives. He
only has twelve of them now on the
governments payroll.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
TELEPHONES.
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

The State journal IS a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news II
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received In The State 10 lr-
nal building over wires for this sole pun
pose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
VACATION SONG

Little bank roll. ere we part.
Let me hold you TO my heart;
All the year I've chung to YOU,
I've been faithful you've been true;
Little bank roll, in a day
You and / will start away
To a gay and festive spot;
I'll come home, but you will not.
Detroit Free Press
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Doesn't the state of New York see
its opportunity-a commission form of
government with Sulzer. Glynn and
Murphy as the commission?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Considerable trouble and shattering
of loves wondrous dreams are being
averted temporarily in a Wisconsin
county where marriages are impos-
sibIe because no county clerk is on
the Job to issue marriage licenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

A handsome certificate" is prom
ised young men who enter the army
aviation service. Wouldn't life in
surance policy be better?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

With Harry Thaw's experiences for
an example, the future fugitives from
Justice will be sure to give the New
Hampshire sheriffs a wide berth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

No one can question the wisdom
and discretion of ]. P. Morgan. He
doesn't trust himself to the New
Haven railroad on his trips from New
York to Newport. He uses his steam
yacht to make the journey.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Presently there will be a brlef
interim between the tried-to change
seats drownings and the thouSht-the-
ice-was-safe drownings.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Opium joints appear to be the get
rich-quick mediums for the Chinese
in this country. In a raid on one in
Kansas City. the officers found a pot
of gold coin and rolls of currency that
amounted to $4,000.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Harry Thaw's sanity has certainly
been put to a convincing test during
the past couple of weeks. That he is
even able to talk coherently after his
recent exciting experiences is rather
remarkable
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Still, the Washington government
ought to be able to recognize Senior
Gamboa's ability as a dodger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

While the big rain was glorious IL
is unfortunate that it came just IN
time to spoil the big day at the fair
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Neither were there any wry faces
on Topekans Thursday morning as
they waded ankle deep through water
on their way to work. They were
mighty glad of the chance.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Those old fashioned grocers who
put sand in their sugar have been
superseded by a grain merchant or
two who are accused of putting lib
eral quantities of sand in sacks of corn
ohnn
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

1t appears that in the Jerome poker
game, Canada was only "bluffing."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Mr.. Jerome now has the advantage
Of knowing how courtroom looks
from both sides of the trial table.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Another tiresOme event OF the near
future will be the senate debate on
the currency bill.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

And the passing of the tariff bill by
the senate also demonstrates President
Wilson's large ability as a maker and
manipulation of congressional ma
chimes
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

An Arkansas watermelon, weighing
eighty-four pounds, has been sent TO
President Wilson. But what the coun-
try wants to know is, did he eat all
of it?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Recent activities of Jupiter Pluvius
confirm the theory that it never rains
but it pourS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12

Nor must it be forgotten that the
Democratic senators did an excellent
lob of standing pat on the tariff
schedule which levies a duty on
bananas
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
KANSAS CONAENT
LARCENY AS A DIVERSION

LARCENY AS 4 DIVERSION.
A man who owns a little place
within about twelve miles of a large
city told the writer the other day,
sible for him to do any fruit raising.
Every Sunday at this time of year
gangs of strollers roam over his land,
breaking fences and tipping over the
walls. They shake fruit trees and
feast on berry bushes. Many of them
bring bags. in which they stow away
all the apples, pears. or plums they
can carry. Public sentiment has al
ways tolerated this minor thieving.
Successful business men and politicians
rather like to tell how they used to
rob the orchards when boys. There Is
some feeling that they would have
been mollycoddles if they hadn't
While these older men probably never
got out with bags and peddled the
product thereof, the one thing leads
to the other. The station master in
the employ of a certain railroad told
the writer a short time ago that when
a college athletic team went through,
he always locked up everything loose
in the way of restaurant silver. Many
college students feel that a room shows
no character or originality, unless dec
GRATED by signs stolen from some ones
place of business. A fruit orchard
means some ones thought and labor
for years. If fruit raising must DO
abandoned in any locality near a city
or large town, 1t becomes more costly
to keep orchards and gardens. Law
abiding people have to pay the bills, in
order that the hoodlums may feed and
feast free There is morally and eco
nomically no difference between
knocking a dollars worth of fruit off
tree, and stealing a dollar bill out
of some ones cash drawer, and the
courts should impose the same penalty.
Winfield Courier
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-12
wOMAN AND THE WEED.


Swinging on the end of perfectly good
cigar and deploring the use of tobacco
among women may place one in the posi-
ton of a glass house habitant throwing
stones and other heavy missiles. And yet
we should take the chance if We felt liks
it. If we felt that a recent screed by Ella
Wheeler Wilcox, viewing with alarm the
increasing use of tobacco among women
had broad and substantial foundation
in fact. we might join in the chorus, and
also view with alarm. Woman smoking
or woman swearing seems to our o. r.
point of view Il much sadder spectacle
than man favoring similar failings, even
in these days of equal rights. But the
fears voiced by that sometime poetess of
passion seem SO vague and distant that
it is difficult to work UP the lather she
seems to think the occasion demands; A
few women smoke, to be sure; possibly a
few more than did a decade ago. But the
growth of the habit among the suffra-
gentle sex doesn't appear to be alarming,
even to a tinid person bowed under the
responsibility Of the future welfare of the
race. Most of the women who smoke
might as well, being the sort who
yyouIdn't 90 much else anyhow. Besides.
until men mend their ways, it i'll becomes
them to throw fits about the deterioration
of woman.-Atchison Globe.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-03-09
Weddings and
Engagements

The marriage of Miss Ida Pratt and
Ivan Pratt of Los Angeles took place
temple and was followed by luncheon
to the immediate relatives at the home
of Mrs. William p. Silver, 140 Girard
avenue. The following day the parents
of the bride. Mr.. and Mrs. Pratt Of
Trenton, gave reception and banquet
for the young people. who left later for
Provo, the former home of both of
them, to receive the good wishes of
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1913-03-09

sou Theodore will leave Tuesday for
Chicago Ia attend the wedding OF tneir
son Harold Norton and Miss Feari oah'
lein. which will take place on "edheS'
day. March 10, in the Hotel LUXOR III
Chicago,
Mr.. and Mrs +. C. Lynch and their
little daughter Dorothy returned tues
day from visit of several weeks IN
Los Angeles.
Mrs. Harry Gesas left during the
week for New York 10 Join MISS LII
ian Gesas there.
Mr.. and Mrs. T. Bernstein and dangn.
ter, Mrs. L. Il. Keon, formerly or ooo
East Second South street, are now set
tied in the Brown apartments.
Mr. and Mrs. Clarence Post are back
from Nampa, Idaho, and will make their
home here.
Mrs. f. It. Harvey has gone to Los
Angeles to spend some time visiting
her sister there.
Mr.. and Mrs. Gus Ripe are back
after visit of six weeks in the east.
Mrs, Jack Roe and her little daughter
are at home with Mr., and Mrs. l.. i.
Hall at rs East First North street TIL
they leave for Toronto to join Mr. Roc,
who has been given position there
with the Dominion Nickel Copper com
pany,
Mrs. Sam r. Meyer (Josephine WeiD
will be here Tuesday, accompanied by
her aunt. Mrs. A. c. Meyer and baby,
for a visit to Mr. and Mrs, Max M. We'll
and the Ottenheimer family.
Miss Nellie Calvin has returned to her
home in San Francisco after visit to
Miss Edna Dunn here. Miss Carrie
Calvin came over for a day or two and
returned with her sister.
Mrs. Herbert r. Macmillan returned
the first of the week after stay of q
month or more in southern California
and visiting relatives in San Francisco
Her sister, Mrs, George Z. FORESTER
reached home yesterday
Mrs. Cooper Anderson and her daugh-
ter, Miss Ruth Anderson, of Olmstead,
left early in the week for Chicago to
be away several weeks, visiting rel,
atives and friends.
Mrs. George A. Snow, who went to
gone to Spokane for visit with Mr..
and Mrs. Theodore Gentsch there, and