The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-02-16


Weather, and that Old Terpsy. the in
Iyentor Of Dancing, would have sniggered
to have seen us.
ME and the Female Sunnower hadn't
more than got to our seats after the dance
when a iop sided youth, with yellow hair
and trousers so loose they looked like a
whole Family had moved out of them,
sidled up to where we We're sitting and
drawled: "Lifus Higginbottom wants to
see YOU in the next room
About dozen long haired, lank six
footers was lounging about in the next
room waiting to see the fun. My yellow
haired guide pointed out one of them
rad said: There's Lifus." He was indi-
eating a hairy Giant, six foot seven
I.ehes. with a neck like washtub. who
xas standing by n pine table on which
there was but one single light, given
forth by sputtering tallow candle. This
here shaggy and forbidding outlaw threw
a couple of Bowieknives down on the
table, and then he said, mighty supercil-
lious: Stranger, you have been getting
entirely too unanimous with my gal to-
night; pick up one of them wee pons and
git busy, for / am going to carve you. If
you don't fight. we'uns VIII string you
up to a oak limb IN three shakes of
sleeps tail. Git ready to take your
r.edicinei l am shorely going to slice you
into doll rags,''
" Scarcely knowing what I was do
,ing. and literally scared into jim-pam
I seized one of the knives from the
table and faced that murderer. In n
second Lifus sprang forward like
panther and / saw his arm poised
above me as long as a telephone pole,
with thee glittering knife flashing in
the candle. light I was so badly fright
ened that my knife dropped from my
trembling hands to the ioor.l In an
other moment Lifus weapon would
have plunged into my unprotected
breast, but sudden inspiration flashed
into my dazed mind. Acting on the
providential idea, ] seized the candle
from the table and touched Lffus with
it. quick as lightning.
An awful roar followed AMI when
I recovered my senses | was lying out
in the yard with the window sash hung
around my neck and the ruins Of the
house was scattered oser half acre.
Here and there protrudcd an arm. or
leg OF the lanky fellows-~yho had
lately been in the room and the groans
Of Lifus' unfortunate Pondcrs who had
so suddeniy been ushercd sinto eternity
by the force of the terrible explosion
was sonethinw awful to hear
AT this point | couldn't hold my
grip on myself any longer said the
sheriff. "and so butted in with ques-
tion.v What explosion are you talk,
ing about?' That malignant snuff
drummer answered, why. the explo-
sion of Lifus' Higginbotton, of course
lie busted into 100000 fragments.
Didn't I tell you at the beginning of
this yarn that Lifus was cracker.
and don't crackers explode? Hawi Hawi
Yar Var. Sold again. by Gannys.
"The next time that I get caught
by a travelling man with a ranikaboo
sell like that" said the sheriff, Il want
some of my friends TO make applica
tion to have guardian appointed for
me-"
'.Since you fellows have commenced
talking about merchants obserbed the
Tombstone Drummer II think | can tell
YOU pretty good one that was worked on
George Notions. close-fisted chap, who
kept little rats nest of a general store
In the town where | live IT would be
base fatAry to call George 'stingy.' He
was too parsimonious to buy enough to
eat. The bark on tree was fabby COM
pared TO that tightwad. He always sat
on the hack seat in church so as to
save the interest on the nickel he put In
the plate. He used a wart on the back
of his neclo because he ives too stIngy
to buy a collar button. He had been do
ing a credit business for 10 years, and
during that time only one account for 81 rs
remained uncollected,' and he made sucn
roar about that debt that the neiehbors
ciubbed together and paid IT. Just 70
make him quit talking about it,
Recently two substantial property
owners jstrolled into Georges store and
remarked TO that close-fsted citizen that
shev had 1ip between them little bet OF
one dollars worth of cigars-but that it
might be some little TINE before the bet
could be settled. In view of this fact
they suggested that the cigars should be
charged until the wager could be deter
mined. and that George, hmsclf. might
decide which one had wen. n the day
that the event happened on which they
were betting
, 4" .Aii right, grinned George, producing