The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-07-10


 and buy you bottle of throat balsam, Cy. You're goin' to need it.''
 The captain needed more than throat balsam during the fortnight which fol- lowed The Widow Beasiey's deafness was not her only failing. In fact, she was altogether failure so far as her housekeeping was concerned. She could cook after a fashion. but the fashion was so limited that even the bill of fare at the perfect boarding house looked tempting in retrospect
 Baked beans again, Cy!'' exclaimed Asaph. dropping in one evening after supper. 'Tain't Saturday night % soon, is itT'
 -'No,'' was the dismal rejotnder. ~Its Tuesday, if my almanac ain't out of joint. But we had beans Saturday, and they ain't all gone yet, so I pre- sume we'll have 'em till the last ones swallowed. Aunt Debby's got what the piece in the Reader used to call frugal mind.' She don't intend. to waste anything. Last Thursday spunked up courage enough to yell for salt fish and potatoes-fxed up with pork scraps, you know, sames we used to have when was boy. We had lem, all right, and if beans of Satur- day hadn't been part Of her religion we'd be warmth lem up yet. I took in a cat for company tother day, but the critters run away. To see it look at the beans in its saucer and then at me was pitifuL I felt like handin' myself over to the cruelty to animal folks"
 "1s she neat?" inquired MT. Tidditt.
 "1 don't know. I guess soon the installment plan. It takes her a week to scrub up the kitchen, and then one end of it Is so dirty she has to begin again; consequently the dust is so thick in the rest of the house that 1 in the season I'd plant garden stuff in the parlor-nice soil and lots of shade with the curtains down"
 From the rooms in the rear came the words of a gospel hymn sung in a tremulous soprano and at concert pitch.
 'eMusic with my meals. just like high toned restaurant" commented Captain Cy.
 ''But what makes her sing so ever Iastin' loudP'
 Can't hear herself if she don't. I could stand her deefness, because that's an aff1iction, and we may all come to it, but
 AO0SSAcSPS1D tered the room and planted herself in chair.
 "Good evenin', Mr. Tidditt," she said, smiling geniany. AeNice weather we've been havin'."
 Asaph nodded
 s.Sociable critter, a1n't shel" observed the captain Always Willtn' to help entertain. Comes and sets up with me till bedtime. Tells about her family troubles. Breaches about her niece out west and how set the niece and the fest of the western relations are to have her make em a visit. I told her she better go-I thought 'twould do her good I know stwould help me cons1derble to see her start
 'She's got so now she finds fault with my neckt1es,' he added. Says must be careful and not get my feet wet Picks out what ought to wear so's- I won't get cold She'll adopt me pretty soon. Oh, it's all rightl She can't hear what you say. Are your dishes done2'' he si1rieked, turning to the old lady.
 ~one2 One what7'' inquired Mrs. Beasley.
 'They won't be done till you go, Ase," continued the master of the house. Shell stay with us till the last gun fires. F'other day Angie Phtn- ney called, and turned Debby loose on her. I didn't believe anything could wear out Angles talkfn' ma- ehinery, but she did it. Angeline stayed twenty minutes and then quit, hoarse as a cow"
 Here the widow Joined in the con- versation, evidently under the 1mpres- sion that nothing had been said since she last spoke. Continuing her fa- vorable comments on the weather, she observed that she was glad there was so little fog. because fog was hard for folks with "neuralgy pains" Her brothers wffes cousin had ''neuralgy'' for years, and she described his suf- fer1ngs with enthusiasm and infinite detail MT. Tfdditt answered her ques- tions verbally at first, later by mods and shakes of the head. Captain Cy fdgeted in his chair.
 Come on outdoor, fAse," he said at last tNo use to wait till she runs down. 'cause she's self winder, guar anteed to keep goin' for a year. Good nightI" he shouted. addressing Mrs Beasley and heading for the door,
 Where you goin'T' asked the old lady.
 Moves "no Sd1u SoF aoordys Three cheers for Central ScottI Come on. AseI'' And the captain. seiz1ng his friend by the arm, dragged him into the open air and slammed the door.
 'Are you crazy?'' demanded the as- tonished town clerk What makes you talk like that?'
 Might as we'll She wouldn't under stand it any better if twas Scripture, and if saves brain work The only satisfaction I get is bein' able to give my opinion of her and the grub with out hurtin' her feelin's- If called her a wooden headed jumpfn' jack she'd only smile and say no, she didn't think 'twas goin' to rain, or somethin' just as brilliant"
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