The Washington herald., 1913-12-26
Daily Short Story
WHEN AUNT PoLLYFAL
By GRACE IkERRIGAN.

OLD ana he ana Maggie TraVers mad Deen
engaged for three months. He had just
come back to town from q run down to
Chestnut Grange. where Miss Travers
lived. when his Aunt Polly arrived from
Michigan. AS soon as she had removed
her hat and the kissing was over she
folded her hands on her lap.
so you are engagedT' she re-
marked.
'1 am, Aunty."
II hope you have made no mistake"
1T isn't possible"
But lots Of young men have"
you see. Aunty, I am a bookkeeper.
l take 100 as the basis and figure: Good
looks, 40 per cent; her love for me. 40
per cent; vivaciousness. 10 per cent; gen.
eral admirable Qualities. 10 per cent. That
makes 100 per cent, or par value, doesn't
It? There can be no mistaken"
Then you want to stop this thing right
where 1t Is or become a hen-pecked hus-
band and nonentity! The chances are
a thousand to one. however, that she'll
cuddle down and let her opinions play
second fiddle. l am advising you for
your own good do not want to see
you make a snarl Of your life. There
was John Truelove and Sarah Wood
house. She was careful not to cross his
opinions while they were counting. and
he married her thinking she was as soft
III weeks
But Fred hadn't time TO hear more.
He gave his aunt's advice serious thought
during the next week. There wasn't
much boss and bulIdozer about him. and
yet he realized that somebody in the
family ought to be boss-a little bit any
how. He wouldn't pound on the wall
with his fist and get red in the face as
he insisted that the whale swallowed
Jonah, but how nice It would be to have
a wife who wouldn't question the alleged
fact and demand more particulars than
Rave ever been furnished the public yet
They may be dozen for all 1 know,
but the main point is does she defer to
your
You meant"
Il mean does she have an opinion
about things and stick 10 it, no matter
what you say?'
Moo, I think not. 1 don't remember
that We have disputed about anything"
Il dunno Fred-I dunno, Most girls
will dispute when they are engaged.
just to show of, II nothing more. Some
do 1t out Of mischief. and others to show
that they can't be bossee. When I was
engaged to your Uncle Rsben 1 thought
he knew everything worth knowing. and
after our marriage II rever occurred
to me to question anything he said. 1
have found out since his death that he
was wrong in believing the Atlantic
Ocean was 5000 0QO. 600 miles wide but
'sposen l had found IL out during his
lifetime and called him a liar about IT?
He always insisted that the moon was
only twenty-eight miles from the earth,
and while 1 firmly believed that II was
at least thirty-nve, was 1 going to get
up row by saying soy'
Il shan't expect wife to truckle TO
me-" observed Fred.
But you won't to herr
OF course net"
But somebody's opinion has got TO
settle things"
Not necessarily. There is such a thing
as agreeing to disagree, isn't there?"
why. you poor boy, how little you
know about the female sex, Just find
me girl who makes a statement op-
posed to yours, and is willing to let you
OF by agreeing TO disagree, and I'll find
an angel on earth for you, She'll be
mad because you don't agree. and there
may be strained relations for a week.
There was Abigail Hastings and VIII
Barnes. Will said that a locust had
roots"
But you see. Aunty, this is an alto
gether different case. 1 have taken the
basic rule OF mathematics and proved
to you that Miss Travers sizes up exactly
100"
Well" said Aunt Polly with a sigh.
'ff the world has come to the point
where girls can be sized up by book
keeping tactics there isn't much use in
wasting any more time in sparkingr'
And your advice to me is"
Next time you go down there stick to
your opinion Lord 1t over her a bit and
see what the result is"
But she may get mad and tell me to
go to pot
He might doubt that the pictures were
hung to the best advantage, or that the
icebox was in the most suitable place to
display it's bronze knob and hinges to all
callers, and IL the wife readily agreed
with him what happy evening they
could pass.
Further, there might come a time |
when she would read that the Princess
Louis had thirty-two pairs of shoes !
She would at once declare that she was
at least half as good as the princess, and |
set out to collect an assortment of six |
teen pairs. 1t would be for him to put |
his foot down and for her to put her
feet in about two pairs.
His aunt had always advised him for |
the best, and she being a woman under |
stood the sex better than he did. There |
might be much gained and nothing lost |
by carrying out the program. Fred told |
her of his decision and was highly COM
mended.
There was a creek crossing the high
way not far from the Grange, and
dozen times over Miss Maggie and Fred |
had stood on the little bridge and watch
ed the fish swimming below. They were
there again. So were the fish. In her ig-
norance Of fish and fisheries the Girl pre-
sently almost whispered:
''Oh, Fred. see that monstrous bull
head therer'
That is not a bullhead, dear-it's a
bass" replied Fred.
II wasn't 4 bass any more than il was
a whale, but the golden opportunity had
come to the nephew to take advantage Of
his aunt's advice II wasn't his words
so much as his tone that nettled the girl.
''It is bullhead and a monster"
at is a bass and a pygmy"'
"Bullhead. sir,'
BASS. miss
Fred, did you come down here today
to pick a fuss with me"'
'Of course not, but you seem ready for
one"
II simply said it was a bullhead."
"And 1 simply said it was a bass"
''I shall continue to say bullheadr'
And it's bass to tie end of my born
daysT
You are aggressive, sirT'
And you are obstinate, miss,'
The tramp coming along the highway
had never sailed out of Gloucester but
he could have told that the fish swim
ming around so care-free was neither a
bullhead nora bass, but what inland fish
ermen call a sinner" II they were