The Oakes times. [volume] (Oakes, N.D.) 1906-current, 1913-08-28
Spews Forth q Bit of His
Venom at Anything
and Everybody.
BY Help of His Colleagues the
Mountain Labored and Brot
Forth q Mouse.


even like the zephyrous breeze from
the southern sea silore, and is as
pleasant as the odors OF new mown
hay in the summer morn. Yea, verify,
even do we say unto you that thou
hast been ill-advised and rude in thy
scathing arraignment! Yea, verify!
Why hast thou so frequently and per-
sistently used the words "sap head"
and "bone head" in conjunction with
the words est. Paul galoot?" Dost
thou not know, liz arthur, that such
utterances are unbecoming to Pro-
fcssor of Horsology, and that it is so
deucedly annoying and so blawsted
rude, doncherknow!
All arthur, It's sad indeed that thou,
the supremely wise, should have stoop-
ed so low in your debut to the noble
and elevating profession of journal
ism as to use time worn phrases like
'sap heads" "bone heads" and St.
Paul galoots." Why, when spreading
the results of forty years comprehen-
sive study, did you not treat us to
something original in the way of a
roast, at least that would come up to
your record as full hedged Doctor
of Horsology, and at least help lit
tie along in the way of English lit
erature? Why in the moments of
your elated and joyous ecstacy (and
your colleague, the learned judge) did
thou take the sting out of thy roast
by attempting to be funny. Dost
thou not know that thou art too far
advanced in years to become a rival
Of Mark Twain. (Besides he is dead.
We presume you know this.)
Through all this homogeneous con-
glomeration Of disintegrated and
loose-jointed reasoning, we fail to see
what you are driving at. 1t is just a
bit Of billingsgate and sounds as if
the writer had taken course in GYM
nastics, and "would have the thing
published even if it took years sal
ary" which is something more than
two dollars. We realize that the word
"Adv." at the end of the article is
merely there to take the sting off our
esteemed contemporary, as the stuff
is really nauseous, doncherknow.
| Why, oh why, liz arthur, dost thou
persist in bringing to the public no.
tlce the good natured Judge Gibbs?
Why dost tn u say that fat men were
made to be "fried," and compare with
certain other mobiles of the Fat Mans
Club? What has that to do with the
issue thou hast set up? The eminent
Judge Gibbs is a man Of more than
little humor, and one does not have
to take graphing hook to get under
his hide and have him see joke as
one has to you, ILL arthur. Why art
thou so dense, liz arthur? Can't YOU
see it's boss on you and pull in your
horns and go back to the woods,
whence comest thou. Now don't you
know, liz arthur, that children always
get their hands soiled when they try to
throw mud at people? SO why try
these naughty things?
What do you know about hoboes,
lil' arthur? Hast thou some know
ledge along that lin- 20 Can YOU
distinguish hoboes from their molars,
from the way they part their hair, or
from the way they wear their eye
lashes? You must indeed be flour
ishing and inexhaustible source of
info. Why do you call this man
hobo? 1t is much more gentlemanly
to lay down when you are licked than
to keep jabbing it into man who has
gone from here, when he has no op-
portunity to defend. Why should so
polished scholar Of the "Profession
Of Horsology" use the word "hobo,"
which in the English has no meaning.
The word has nc defin.::on,. therefore
has no standing. But why apply any
word like that to peaceful citizen.
who is going about his own business.
You could not call Bell vagrant, for
he had visible means of support. Ev-
en- were he tramp, liz arthur, many
a good man has made their wav
through the country afoot and other
wise. All, liz arthur, thou hast many.
many things to learn.
Why bring in your grudge against
"Jawge" into this controversy in
such an unseemly manner? One
would Judge that you had "bought
space" (did you get receipt? to
slam everyone you do not love. What
did "Jawge" have to do with the ar
ticle of last week? If you wanted to
roast "Jawge," why not buy (?) an
other column and spit out bit more
of that hot air? A man could make