The Ekalaka eagle. [volume] (Ekalaka, Mont.) 1909-1920, 1913-08-15

rated by a double line. but still mighty
close to the matter under the caption
of oddities of the Days News in an
evening paper, Jacob Spraggins read
that one Jasper Spargyous" had do
mated S1C0.OOQ to the t.. B. A. Of G."
\ camel may have a stomach for each
day in the week, but | dare lot ven
ture to accord lin whiskers for fear
OF the great displeaslre at Washing
ton, but II he have whiskers surely
not one OF them will seem to have
been inserted in the eye of a needle by
that effort of that rich man to enter
the X. Of H. The right is reserved to
reject any and all bids. Signed, S.
Peter, secretary and gatekeeper..
Next Jacob selected the best endow-
ed college he could scare up and pre-
! scented it with a %2On,OOO laboratory.
The college did not maintain a scien-
tific course, but it accepted the money
and built an elaborate lavatory instead,
which was no diversion Of funds so
far as Jacob eve discovered.
The faculty met and invited Jacob
to come yer and take his A B G de-
gree. Before sending the invitation
they smiled, cut out the {, added the
proper punctuation marks, and all was
we'll.
While walking on the campus before
being capped and gowned Jacob saw
; two professors strolling near by. Their
voices. long adapted to indoor acous-
tics. undesignedly reached his ear.
There goes the latest chevalier din
dustrie," said II Of them. ito buy a
sleeping powder from us. He gets his
| degree tomorrow"
In foro conscientioe.' said the 9TH
er. Lets cave art a brick at im."
Jacob ignored the Latin, but the
brick pleasantly was not too hard for
him. There was no mandragora in the
honorary draft Of learning that he
had bought. That was before the pas
sage Of the pure food and drugs act.
Jacob wearied Of philanthropy on a
large scale.
"lf l could see folks made HAPPIER
he said to himself, IF | could see EN-
myself and hear 'em express their
gratitude for what l done for EN-, it
would make me feel better. This do
natin' funds to institutions and socie-
ties is about as satisfactory as drop
pin money into a broken slot ma
chine"
SO Jacob followed his nose. which
led him through unswept streets to the
homes of the poorest.
THE very thing" said Jacob. Il
will charter two river steamboats,, pack
them full Of these unfortunate chill
| dren and. say. 10000 dolls and drums
and 1000 freeZers of ice cream and
give them a delightful outing up the
sound. The sea Freezes on that trip
ought to blow the faint off some of
this money that keeps coming in faster
than l can work it off my mind"
Jacob must nave leaked some Of his
benevolent intentions, for an immense
person with a bald face and a mouth
that looked as if it ought to have a
Drop Letters Here sign over it hook
ed a finger around him and set him in
a space between a BARRIERS pole and a
stack Of ash cans. Words came out of
the %postoffice slit - smooth, husky
Noi'S ! SN'N Us vi Eli.
Say, sport. do YOU know where YOU
are at: Well, dis is Mike O'Grady's
district you're buttin' into-see? Mikes
got de stomach ache privilege for every
kid in dis Observation-Disclosures? And if
dere's any picnics or red balloons to be
dealt out here Mikes money pays for
em-see: Don't YOU butt in Or some
thingll be handed to YOU. Youse id
settlers and refOrmers with your social
ologies and your millionaire detectives
have got dis district in a of a fix
anyhow. With your college students
and professors rough housing de soda
water stands and dem rubber neck
coaches film de streets de folks down
here are 'frail to 20 out of de houses.
Now. YOU leave en- to Mike. Dey be-
longs to him, and he knows how to
handle EN-. Keep on your OWL side of
de town. Are YOU some wiser now,
uncle, or do you want to scrap wit
Mike O'Grady for de Santa Claus belt
in dis district:'
Clearly that spot in the moral vine
yard was %pre-empted. So Caliph Sprag-
gins menaced no more the people in
the baZaars of HE east side. To keep
down his growing surplus he doubled
his donations to organized charity,
presented the Y. NJ. c. \. of his native
town with a $4,000 collection Of but
terfties and sent a check to the famine
sufferers in China big enough to buy
new emerald eyes and diamond filled
teeth for all their gods. But none of
these charitable acts seemed to bring