New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-07-02
AS | WAS SAYING

Vengeance at last-novel reading for housemads!
II is cruel form of retrbution. We admit 1t. But
only failure has attended the usual punitive devices
such. for instance, higher wages and seven ho-
days week-and the time has arrived for strong
measures. AS the creatures spurn physical exerton'
however mild give them taste Of mental exertion
and see how they like that,
Mr. j. A. Pease. who originated this nobly bar
barous project imagined he was doing housemads
favor Strange for he is presiden. of the London
Board Of Education and man Of ripe culture
Surely he must have read "Rudder Grange" and
seen how Pomona groaned and ached and perspired
over her novel:
"'Foil-ed- NUT tered hee-marsh-man
drip ping-with--jore. a"
The Human Form Divine" 1t says on the cover;
but nside-oh. land OF Goshen. gospel lights and
privileges!
For our author aims primarily TO attune the in
dvidua to the plumb of the universe" Great idea!
Go as far as you like! We accept the circle as
"the sustaining uplifting, universal principle, and
are firmly convinced that ito become consciously
poised in the law of gravity is better remedy for
disease than any personality"
There you are! Hope shines bright for any who
may coyet a human form. Especially as our author
goes on to particularize:
Avoid an extended chest. study the great works
OF art. Are they chesty?" DO not hop along Ike
rabbits with no sense Of radiation" Shun the be-
nighted gymnasium instructor. The hollow OF his
back would contain many treasures. while upon his
important chest could rest food for the gods
And still that dolefu Atlantic" contributor Keeps
bewailing the style famine Guess there's at least
author left alive who can say. with the charming
Siamese editor Been college, and write like the
Kipling and the Dickens"
Besides consider brilliant writer's OF advertise
ments. Only yesterday OF them was thinking
up verbiage in praise OF patent mattress and hit
on the happy combination. Soft. deep. yet full Of
life"
Somehow this failed to please and required re-
touching; whereas the next client. a manufacturer
OF whiskey. went away simply delighted with the
mastery creation. You can't keep good whiskey
down.
quite piece in the paper about that shuddersome
Texas snake ranch. Woo-woo. No humbug,
either for we have received the prospectus of that
very ranch and most terrifying 1t is; "All Snakes
Fixed Safe to Handle"
ours is n degenerate age-shocking dances, shame
less clothes risky songs outrageous shows. and per-
fectly atrocious and Internal fcton-and many con-
tend that the race is heading straight for the dem
nitionest OF bow-wows. But personally we are far
less hopeful For we have often conned the pages
of history. and they prove only too pitilessly what
fate has in store for unless revise the evil
tenor Of our way. Have your fling! Go II! BE
merry while we may! But rest assured that you are
preparing such a hideous. nauseating abominabe
and utterly soul-destroyng pestience OF Puritanism
as your eyes have never seen!
True Italian that he is. Commentators Boni keeps
ever busy with his shovel and his latest excavations
have uncovered Neros dining room Not only that.
they have disclosed the ingenious mechanism OF its
revolving floor Nero would place his foot on but
ton under the table. and Immediately the entire din
ner party would start going round and round.
Capital plan, this, Thanks TO the benign illusion.
it greatly reduces the strain "a genteman's cell
lar"
We regret that particularly distinguished Greek
letter fraternity should have felt called upon to ex
communicate its New York chapter because OF Jews.
as we frequently read the New Testament in the
original and we find that st. Paul though Hebrew
of the Hebrews was perfectly at home with Greek
letters
Still, we foresee fun owing TO the prevailing UNI
pleasa and that jolly good joke will re-
sult from IT, Years ago there riot and hair
pulling in the famous Hasty Pudding Club at Har
ward. Two factions waged war for months. Then
one OF them stole the Pudding charter the Pudding
records the Pudding secrets and the Pudding re-
gala and set up TO the only genuine and original
Pudding on earth, beware of limitations!
This annoyed the other faction, which went off by
itself invented new secret and pitched in as an In
dependent producer. But 1t could not claim the
sacred name Of Pudding so cast about for
toothsome Thus bounced into being the now cele-
brated Pie Eater. H. l.. H.