New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-07-03

Naturally this is holding out an awful temptation
TO Mayor Gaynor, but we trust he will not aoanoon
English for Welsh. Whereas big healthy Mayor
can begin roaring English at earliest dawn ana Keep
il I'D without fatigue until far into the night welsh
is than German.
And you know what the careful mother wrote 10
teacher Please don't make Willie speak any Ger
man to-day. His throat is so sore he can hardly
speak English"
Dancing in Hot Springs" says a headline Gosh
we don't blame them!
The newest excuse is: Down at the beach some
playful friends Of mine buried me In the sand all out
nv head and went of and left me, and an absent
minded fellow came along and tripped on my race.
This will be found much more excupatory than the
usual Last night OF the younger men at our ciuo
got excited and stamped on my cheek"
We have lost but little sleep over the threatened
pistol pockets for womens coats. Having seen Do'h
"A Chocolate Soldier" and Arms and the Man. we
know what the new pockets will contain. DELICIOUS
and nutritve!
MIR. Walter Jerrold has been struggling again with
the distinction between wit and humor and reels
that he has at last planted both knees on It's
stomach Personally, however. we shall not befud-
die you with remarks this depressing subject
further than 10 hint that possibly some such distnc
ton exists What is wrong with the following!
ct was years since the Bishop had climbed fence
and he had never been athletic However, he risked
IT, Up he went, astonished at his success ana
reached the top without disaster. Perfect so far!
But eaton unsettled his prudence. lie started
down the other side without pausing to discover II
his coattails free. and. alas one OF them had
caught on a nail! Consequently, the poor poor
Bishop hung suspended between earth and heaven
for a mortal hour. How witty
Wanted: A Commission on Railway Accidents!
cries Mr. Samuel o. Dunn in the July Atlantic
and we hasten to volunteer. We should be invalu-
able Glance at our record and see If our education
has not made us a regular expert in practical rail-
reading.
Have we studied with the bridge builders? Have
we come under the influence of trackayers? Have
we exposed ourself to communicating contact with
locomotive designers? Have we associated with the
fellows who arrange signals and make time tables?
No. indeedy!
Some may object that lack experience why
60 we do. thank God! We have never wrecked a
train.
Still, we know how things go in this misguided
world and predict that the commission will be com
nosed entirely of men whose services in designing
and applying the means Of slaughter have endeared
them to the travelling pubc-the same men VINO
build cars and engines three times too heavy rush
them at chain lightning speed over fragile road
and then wonder why rails snap, Ranges break'
wheels crack and bridges collapse
n. B-Pretty nearly everything in America is too
big In Europe they have little engines little cars
little DELAY little nuisance and little murder.
Soon the American Rhodes scholars will be home
again on vacation and we advise you to rally around
them with wide open Such yarns as they tell
about the shy prim, proper spoken young tea slippers
at oxford! For instance:
Picture an impeccable youth presenting himself
late one evening in the common room at Corpus
and saying: Pardon me, gentlemen, but can some
body inform where one Sibthorpe lives"
Yes he lives in digs''-meanng private lodgings.
"Aoh!" This from the impeccable youth: Thank
YOU! At present gentlemen, he is in-ee- bree-eight
outside nv daWi" H. L. H.