The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-10-11
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Laugh With Us
Idttle Stories That Have
Made Many GmileA \
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ond sunday III his newly appointed
parish and he had reason to complain
at the meagre collection.
they are stingy. vera stinsy. But
and he came closer and became
more -confdenthl--"the auld meenis-
ter. he put three or four saxpences
Into the plate hissel', Just to gle them
a start. OF course he took the sax
pences ava with him afterward,"
The new minister tried the same
plan. but the following Sunday was
q repetition of the others-a dismal
failure. The entire collection was not
only small, but to his great conster-
nation his own coins were missing.
I'VE may be a better preacher than
the auld minister" exclaimed the
elder. but if We had half the knowl-
edge Of the world an o. yer ain flock
in particular. ye'd ha' done what he
did an glued. the saxpance to the
plate!"
The southern darky's love Of put;
ting off till next spring or later what
should be done on the spot is as we'll
Major jackson, a contractor in q
Georgia quarry. told Zeb. the general
utility a to go to the blacksmith.
shop across the road and bring back
a drill that was to be sharpened. About
half an hour later the major. saw Zeb
come poking around the corner OF the
Here" he shouted. where have
you been?"
IT amt been, boss,'' responded Zeb
c%heerfully. SIS wine."-Lippincott's.
An italian who kept a fruit stand
was much annoyed by possible us
toners who made a practice Of hand
ling the fruit and p%inching it, there
by leaving 1t softened and often spoil
ed. Exasperated beyond endurance he
finally put up a sign which read:
'"If you must pincha da fruit. pincha
da cocoanut!"
Eugene was going for a weeks mo
tor trip with his father.
Have you everything you need?"
inquired his mother. you'd better
let mo look at your bag"
"Everything's in it." replied the boy,
who was very anxious to be of. Every
single thing 1 need"
"Have you taken your brush and
comb?" .queried his mother.
brush and comb" cried Eugene,
indignantly. why. mother. I. thought
] was going on a vacation:'-Every-
body's Magazine.
A retired colonel had been advised
by his doctor that IL he did not give
up whiskey 1t would shorten his life.
Think 80 /" asked the. colonel -.
IT am sure Of 1t, colonel. "If you
will stop shrinking l am ure it will
prolong your days"
Come to think Of it, ] believe you
are. right about that. DOCTOR" said
the n~0nvN1 "r r,~n >~k. R-..-
hours without a drink six months ago
and ] put in such q long day in
my life"
In clearing the harbor the ship ran
into a nasty, half pitching, choppy
sea. which was especially noticeable
as the twenty-five passengers at the
captains table Shutdown to dinner.
II hope that ali twenty-five Of you
will have a pleasant trip" said the
captain. as the soup appeared. land
that this little assembly of twenty
four will be much benefited by the
voyage. I look upon these twenty-five
smiling faces as a father upon his
family. for ! am responsible for the
safety of this group Of seventeen. I
nope that all fourteen of you will Join
me in drinking to a merry trip. 1
believe that we eight are most con-
oSAAsosp u i dPpldtlu vIC JuuEIl0nG
which chose these three persons for.
my table. You and I. my dear sir,
are Here. steward. clear away
those dishes and bring me the fsh!"
Marie had been naughty at the din
ner table and her mother had sent
her into the next room to remain
until she was sorry for her behavior.
Marie 'cheerfully compiled. Making
no expression Of repentance after a
suitable time had elapsed her mother
called from an adjoining room:
"Marie, dear. aren't you sorry?"
No answer. On the repetition Of the
question, however, Marie replied with
a sweet and patient dignity:
Mamma. please don't ask me any
more. I'll tell you when I'm sorry"
During the hot weather a charitable
woman who had a summer home on
the lake shore was In town shopping.
She knew that many poor children
were suffering. and her kind heart
suggested that she give some of them
the advantage Of an outing in the
country. So h made INQUIRIES as
to where h need was worst, and fin.
ally succeeded in rounding up four
rugged mites from q congested neigh
borhood.
"Now. children" she told them,
I'm going to give you a glorious
treat. You are to get into my big
automobile and go with me to my
country home. Then you will have
fine supper with lots Of cool things
to drink. There is q shady lawn to
cool rooms. And the next day you