Bridgeton pioneer., 1913-07-03
But how can be societyr I says.

But how can be societyf' says.
"Shust ash easy ash grease. Do you
know What some monographs vhasT
Seems to me l hear aboud her, but
dunno. Does she safe 10 per cent in
fuel?'
mo, no. She vhas some machine
like corn shelter. You shpeak in der
hopper, und your voice comes back to
you. haf one at my house, und If
you vhIll gif leetle party vhill bring
her oop und we shall haf more fun
ash seven goats und a monkey. You
can invite ten peoples, und dot vhill be
society. Go und speak to your wife
aboudt her"
MIR. Dinkman Speaks.
talk NIT my wife for half an hour.
und she says it vhas all right. After
washing and ironing all day und mind
ing der dog und der baby she likes So
ciety in der eavenings. Dot pleases
Mr.. Dinkman, und ice cream und
shpeak a leetle politics, his wife und
phonograph. und 1 haf eight more
peoples. After we haf some beer und
Ice cream und shpeak leetle politics
Mr.. Dinkman stands oop und says:
Ladies und shentlemen, dis party
vhas gifen by Hans und his wife to be
in society und haf more shoes to cob
BILE. She vhas a phonograph party.
und When she vhas oafer Hans vhill
surely be in der SWIM"
Dot makes me und my wife und
eaferbody else feel good, und Mr.
Dinkman stands out some more like a
leetle mans und says:
"We shall now listen to dot song Of
Der Sweet By and By ash sung by
my friend Hans few days ago. like
to haf eaferbody keep still und shed
some tears"
He stands back, und der machine
goes off, und In ten seconds my hair
stands oOp. Dot voice vhas shust like
my voice, though 1t sings some songs
/ neffer heard. 1t vhas all about how
I met some young womans by der
moonlight und der cider mill und how
my heart vhas breaking If she doan't
ny AWAY NIT me. Und when dot song
ends opp 1t makes me say dot my old
womans vhas crosseyed und redhead-
ed und like her to fall down a we'll.
Eaferbody looks at me und can't make
him oudt, und der old womans says
she will see me later about dot moon
light peespess.
| Worst Vet to Come.
| I feel dot 1 like to be t'ousand
miles AWAY und hit Dinkman NIT a
club. But der baddest vhas still to
come. Der machine winds oop by say
ing dot Sing Sing vhas my home, und
dot l don't care for nobody nor not
tings so long ash I can get all der
whisky I like to drink. vhas so mad
l like to go oafer und kick it all to
pieces, but my old friend Schmit steps
oop to me und says:
Hans, you vhill sit down some more
und keep leetle still. If you vhas
some villains in disguise, und it seems
like you vhas, it vhas time der pooblic
knows about her. I haf known you
feefteen years, und belief you vhas
a sober, hardworking mans, but 1t
seems vhas deceived. like to go out
und get a policemans und haf you
sent to shail!'
Und den Dfnkman puts In and says
he hears me shpeak a poem into dot
machine at II o'clock at night, when l
should be home und In bed NIT my
wife. Dot poem vhas called "Bingen
on der Rhine" und he says hat tears
In my eyes ash speak him. He likes
eaferybody to listen while dot machine
goes ahead. Maybe I vhas not sooch a
bad mans dot cannot be reformed.
Felt Like Painting.
Vhell, dot machine goes along und I
tell you 1 vhas like fainting AWAY in
my chair. 1t vhas sooch awful Ian
guage dot eaferybody turns pale und
stands oop, und when 1 calls out to stop
her Carl Schmit stands oop und wafes
his hand to me und says:
"Cobbler, l demand dot you keep
quiet. Now dot see What villains
you vhas, wonder dot you don't
cut your wife's throat some night!
Keep it oop, Mr.. Dinkman Let us
know der worst about dis mansw
Und Dinkman vhas so tickled dot
he can't stand still. Dot phonograph
makes me sing und swear some more.
und it makes fun at all my friends
und says I shall run AWAY from my
wife next week. 1t sings und swears
und whoops und yells, und by und by
It calls out to all der peoples in loud
voice:
Hello. you crowd Of Dutch buffers!
How you vhas? like to see how you
you would all look in some dime mu-
seumsr'
Nit dot eaferbody shumps oop to
go AWAY, und my old womans falls
down und wants to die right Off My
friends Dinkman like to go AWAY NIT
der rest, but catch him by der neck
und say:
my friend, vhlll now speak some
more into dot phonograph. She vhas
wonderful machine You vhas a
shoker, und dot machine vhas shok-
II