davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-05-29

ENTHUSIASTICALLY on Wednesday. May
%. 1913 Frank Friend, aged 60 years
Funeral services at the home OF his
sister, Mrs. Herman Use, 43 Nelson place,
on Friday. May 30, at p. m. Relatives
and friends are invited to attend. In
terment at Paramount Cemetery at the
convenience of the family.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-05-29

.sTICKLES-On May 90, 1913. Anna
Stickles (nee Dunfield), beloved wife
of A. f. Stickles in her 39th year.
154 Bergen street
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-05-29

oCHNER-Entered into rest on We'd
nesday, May 28. 1913. William F..
beloved son of Fritz and Margaret
Ochner (nee Wellenreuther). aged
% years l month 10 days. ass Hum
terdon street.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-05-29

RoBINSoN-At Orange. N j.. May 20,
1918, Margaret A, widow of the late
Chester Robinson, jr.. So Bell street
Orange N. ].
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-05-29

sCHAEFER--on "Wednesday. May %,
1918. Margaret Schaefer (nee LID,
widow of Paul Schaefer aged 81
years. 3251a Morris avenue.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-05-29

sMITH-On May rs. 1918. Bridget, at
her residence. 2S3 Franklin avenue.
Nutley, N. j., aged ~ years.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-05-29


Acting Clerk OF the Board.
Approved May %. 1913
JACOB HAUEsLINC.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-05-29

EESLEY-At his home, ia South Ninth
street, on Tuesday, May q, 1913, John
Albert. husband OF Ida NJ. lesley (nee
Pitman).
Funeral services will be held in the
Franklin Street Methodist Episcopal
Church, on Friday. May 80, at 2:30 p. m;
Relatives and friends. and officers ana
members Of George IT. Adams Council
No. Sc, Jr. o. u A. NJ, and the end
plosees of Bordens Condensed MIX
Company are invited to attend. Inter
ment in Woodland Cemetery.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-05-29

RYAN-on May 81. 1913. John Ryan.
at his late residence. 165 Sussex
avenue,
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05

no l. W. W. members in the band who
were admitted to citizenship yesterday,
and, as the court disposed of tho last
applicant he walked to his apartments
and passing the clerk Of the court
said; "In those men we have true
manhood and true Americans; God
bless em.
With every mark of hardy, upright
citizenship showing upon their coun.
tenances the ten applicants who were
admitted yesterday left the courthouse
smiling and seemingly contented with
their present surroundings. They were
all sturdy farmers and, as the testi.
mony given by several witnesses show.
ed, they were prosperous. In any event
they are and have been too busy TO
mingle with any class Of people who
are putting in their time talking poll.
tics. As one of the ten said yesterday:
dot matter mentioned by der chudie
(meaning the /. W. w. question: don I
boder me Won bit. make my lifipg,
let dem fellers go to 'dunder fer all |
care. "
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05

beliefs and convictions Of every man
or woman who applied for papers en-
titling them to be citizens of America.
Now is the time for the courts to
determine the true worth of those who
apply for citizenship in this country" "
said Judge Galloway. "The man who
mounts soap box in the public thor
oughfare or stands before an audience
in private or public building and de-
nounces the form Of government that
has been adopted by this country, is
not qualified to be a citizen Of the
United States in my opinion.
"The person who associates or be.
longs to the l. w. W. organization, ri.
bald so-called Socialists and other vic.
lent associations stand under an in.
dictment and before this court would
grant such people citizenship papers,
proof-and proof beyond the slightest
doubt-would have to be forthcoming
that such persons were willing to for.
sake such organizations and devote
their civic interests to the country to
which they were admitted as citizens. "
Street orators Scored.
About all the use Judge Galloway
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05
I.W.W. AGITATORS ARE
NOT WANTED BY HIM
Judge Galloway Mases 1t Plain He
Does Not Believe They Would Be
Acceptable Citizens.
MEN WHO ROAST FLAG ON
STREET CORNERS ARE SCORED
Person Who Has Been Connected
With I. W. w. or Other Rabid Or.
ganization Under Cloud.

The Industrial Workers Of the World
received a telling blow yesterday aft.
ernoOn when VIM. Galloway, Judge of
department No. 2 of the Marion county
circuit court, in passing upon several
final applications for admittance to cit
izenship in the United States, said,
when examining the different appli-
cants as to their former alliance with
order or organizations which upheld
views contrary to the peace and dig
nifty of the federal government;
"Although the department of just.
ice in this county his never before
passed upon the subject as to whether
or not the organization called the In.
dustrial Workers of the World is a
purely law-abiding, constitution pro.
tecting and loyal governmental body,
It deem it right and proper at this time
to broach what believe to be ques-
tion concerning that union or fratcrnal
body, while I am deciding what dispo-
sition shall be made of these appli-
cants who are seeking to be admitted
as qualified citizens of our great
United States.
"To become a citizen of the United
States, foreigner must forever aban.
don his or her allegiance with their
own respective countries, uphold the
constitution Of this government and
follow the Stars and Stripes even
against their own native lands.
I. W. w. Suspicious Ones
"In the opinion of the court, any
person belonging to what is known as
the order of the Industrial Workers of
the World, stands under an indictment
as to his or her sincerity to become a
citizen of the United States. They in.
diet themselves by thus belonging to
such an organization to the extent that
they are disqualified for citizenship in
this country. Their disqualification for
citizenship is not entirely based upon
the fact that they members Of the /.
w. W., but their association with such
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05

has for the man who mounts soap box
in the streets and Delays the United
States government would make a mouse
attacking member of the fair sex
look like an angel He maintains that
it is not true citizenship for any per.
son to abuse either federal, state OF
city governments by bowling their i'm
agned wrongs to throngs in the public
thoroughfares, and that if any person
guilty Of such acts who come before
him for admittance to these great
United States are unable to prove that
their allegiance with the tribe has been
forgotten, they will continue to live as
foreigners as far as he is concerned.
None of the applicants for final pa.
pers claimed connections with any par,
ty opposed to the federal, state or mu,
nicipal constitutions and all received
their final admittance to citizenship
from Judge Galloway yesterday.
Uncle Sans New Brothers
"'Py Cot l fight for Uncle Sam
from now on" said swarthy German
as he was told that he would be ac.
cepted as citizen of America by
Judge Galloway yesterday afternoon.
Another said; "Aye bat you | foller
dat American flag anyvers now dat
/ am Uncle Sans kid" while another
told Judge Galloway: "Yesser, will
go to HI fer that old speclled rag now
or any other time"
IL was manifested that there were
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05

go, shrivel, vanish. No more cotton
rings to make the earn sharper and
more bulgy, no more bandages to stop
circulation and stick to the stocking,
no more salves to turn the flesh raw
and mako the corn "pull," no more
knives or razors with danger of bleed
ing and blood poisoning.
"GETSIP' is painless, stops pain,
and is absolutely harmless to healthy
flesh. Warts and buniOns disappear.
"GETS-IT" gives immediate relief.
"GETS-IT" is sold at druggists at
20 cents bottle or sent on receipt of
price to E. Lawrence & Co., Chicago.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05
[P|KE WOULD Be BAD
BLOW TO BUSINESS
4. generalization Predicted if
s.r.hsn Pacific Men Quit Work
on Western Lines.
q, Capital Journal:

Gtor Capital Journal
tDould the conductors and brakemen
ll,red bv the Southern Pacific Com
actually enter upon a strike it
IN nroye to be the worst blow that
M be given the present prosperity
lhs Pacific Coast. The strike would
down the movement of lumber to-
n the south and east, if not stop
{. activity altogether; it would close
,drpds of mills and turn thousands
men out of their employment; it
IA prevent the marketing of one
be largest crops of recent years in
kten Oregon; it would bring suf-
bq and losses to thousands of homes
are not concerned in the controver.
between the trainmen, the Southern
i6e Company and the Portland, Eu-
6 Eastern Railway Company.
4 is proposed that the strike of the
kmen shall take in all Southern Pa
a lines in the states of Oregon, Cali.
ID, Utah, Nevada, Arizona and New
ico.
X is plain that no labor organization
the right to precipitate such a ca
iy without great provocation. The
rse of their own organizations, or
neral cut in wages at a time when
lost of living is high and increas-
might Justify such a strike.
le situation is that the Portland,
sne & Eastern Electric Railway
pany is acknowledged to be asso-
ld with the Southern Pacific steam
m, Under its plan the Portland,
ne & Eastern is to be operated in
ndently of the Southern Pacific,
Eill take over a number of South
* Pacific lines as soon as they can
ectrified. For many years the
: bern Pacific has operated its trains
an agreement with the Order of
Nay Conductors and the Brother.
Of Railway Trainmen, whereby
arity in service has been recognized
haking promotions.
3 recent conference Of trainmen
T Otficers of the two companies all
ions as to wages and hours of
we're satisfactorily disposed of,
f the Portland, Eugene & Eastern
n I to retain in their positions all
f fetOrs and brakemen employed on
itied steam lines at the time such
pass into Portland, Eugene &
.tm control.
fn the trainmen submitted the fol.
& demand under date Of July s:
bat the present schedule of rates
Fy and working conditions for
'nen be continued in force and eff.
n ntact and without any change in
P'thod of handling grievances, ex-
N that the local committees will
Pcted for the electric service; such
committees to deal with the elec.
0illcials as other local officials
company, and if the local com
s Tor the electric divisions fail
Pa a settlement of any question
IN l1uulailannalll
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05

S1ac per h.; cauliflOwer, So per crate
eggplant, 25c per lb.; head lettuce, $2.5C
per crate; peas, 5@7c per lb.; peppers
s@10c lb.; radishes, 1O@12c per doz.j
rhubarb, 1@2c per lb.; spinach, 75c pei
per box; tomatoes $l.25@1.5O per box;
lie, 7@Sc per lb; corn, SOC per dOz,;
cucumbers, 25@75c per box.
POtatOes-Burbank, 4O@5Oc per cwt;
new, 75c@$1.25 per. cwt; sweets, 75c
per lb,
oniOns-oregOn, $1.5O per sack.
Dairy and Country Produce.
Butter.-oregon creamery, solid pack,
SOC per lb.; prints, box lots, 32c.
Eggs-oregon ranch, 25c per dozen.
Cheese.-oregon Triplets, 1615c; Dai.
sizes, lie; Young America, iSc.
Poultry-Hens, 15c; springs, 2O@21c;
ducks, young, 24@25c; geese, 14@16c;
turkeys, live, zoe, dressed, Csc.
Veal-Fancy (S5 to l25 lbs.) 15c per
pound.
POrk-Fancy, 12@12hc per lb.
Provisions.
Hams-10 to IL lbs, 22@23c; 12 to
IA lbs, 2s@23c; picnics, 141ac; cottage
roll, 171ac.
BacOn-Fancy, sO@31c; standard, 25
@26c; English, 21@22c.
Lard-In tierces, choice, 141Sc; COM
pound, 93.4c.
Dry Salt Meats-Backs, dry salt, 19
@14c; backs, smoked, IAN OILS 1Sc;
bellies, dry salt. 14hc; smoked, 1ec.
Smoked Meats--Beef tongues, 26c;
dried beef sets, 22c; outsides, zoe; In
sides, 23c; knuckles, 21c.
Picked Goodg--Barrels. pigs feet,
S14; regular tripe, $40; honey comb
tripe, $12: lunch tongues, $22; lambs
tongues. $40.
Hops, Wool, Hides, Etc.
HOps-19l2 crop, 14@161ac, accord.
ing to quality; 1918 contracts, 20 cents.
WOOl-Eastern Oregon, 1O@16c per
pound; valley, 1S@l9c.
Mohair---Choice, S0@31c.
Hides-saltOd, 12c per ID; salted
calf, 16@17c; salted kip, 12c; salted
stag, 61ac; green hides, 111Sc; dry
hides, 21Cj dry calf, No. 1, 25c; dry
stays, 12@131ac.
LOCAL WHoLEsAl.E MARKET.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05
ooh! OH"
Try "GETsIT," the Painless New.
Elan Corn Cure. See Your Corns
Vanish in Hurry.

"Whew! hurts way up to my heart
I've tried almost everything for
corns!n
COrn-sufferers, cornless joy isy at
hands' "GETS-IT" is the only real
enemy any corn ever had Put "GETS.
1I'' on in two seconds, and away thew
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05

II was cured Of dlsrrhoea by one
dose Of Chamberlain Is Collie, Cholera
and DiarrhOea Remedy. writes NJ. E.
Gebhardt, oriole, Pa. There is moth
ing better. For sale by all dealers.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05

The Markets


/
The North Pacific Coast millers are
up in arms against the purposed in.
crease in freight rates on flour to ia
pan and the Orient, and threaten to
charter ships to carry their products if
the increased rates are put in effect.
Reports from the European hop dis
tricts show an average in the larger
number, but in several decided short.
age is reported. The total crop will be
considerably below the average, and
prices at least will be no lower. Fri.
day in Portland only one small sale is
reported, when James Pincus bought
l2O bales of Yaklmas at 20 cents. The
egg market is well supplied, with
" fresh Oregon" the larger part of
which are coming from the east.
PORTLAND MARKETS.
Grain, Flour, Feed, Etc.
Wheat-Track prices: New Club,
7S@79c; new Bluestem, sl@s2c; new
Fortyfold, SOC; new Red Russian, 77c.
Millstuffs-Bran s24@25 per ton;
shorts, $26@27; middlings, $Sl.
Flour-Patents, S4.7O per barrel;
straights, $40; exports, $S.s5@3.95;
valley, $4.7O; graham, $3.50; whole
wheat, $3.50.
COrn--Whole, $3.50; cracked, $3.50
per ton.
Hay-Eastern Oregon timothy, choice
$1S@l9; alfalfa, $1S@l4; straw, $6@7.
oats-No. l, white, $1,000; now,
$3.50 per ton.
Barley-Feed, $24@24.5O per ton;
brewing, nominal; rolled, $27@2s.
Groceries, Dried Fruits, Etc.
Dried Fruits-Apples, 1Oc per h.;
currants, 1Oc; apricots, 10 @ lac;
peaches, S@11c; prunes, italian, so
1Oc, Oilver, 1Sc; figs, white and black,
sh@7hc; currents, 9hc; raisins,
loose MuOcatel 6A@7hc; bleached
Thompson, 11hc, unbleached Sultan
as, SIC; seeded, h@Shc.
Coffee-Roasted, in drums, 1s@32c
per lb,
Nuts = Walnuts, TN @1Sc per 10;
Brazil nuts, 121sc; filberts, 15c; al
monds, 16@1Sc; pscans, tic; cocoa
nuts, 9Oc@$1 per dozen.
Salt-Granulat ], $14 per ton: half
ground, zoos, $40 per ton; sos, $lO.75
per ton.
Beans-small white, $675; large
White, $500; Lima, $500; pink, $4.25;
red Mexicans, DC; bayou, $500.
Sugar-Dry granulatOd, $5.45; fruit
and berry, $5.45; beet, $5.25; Extra G,
$4,95; powdered, barrels, $5.7O; cubes,
barrels, $685..
Rice-No. l Japan, 5@51ac; cheaper
grades, 41Sc; southern head, 5%@6c.
HOney-Choice, $3.25@3.75 per case.
frultS and vegetables,
Apples-New, $1.25@2.25 per box;
apricots, 75c@$1.25 per box; canta-
lOupes, $1,5O@2,5O per crate; peaches,
5Oc@$l per box; watermelons, so per
cwt.; plums, $1@1.75 per box; raspber-
ries, 81 per crate; loganberries, $4,000
per crate; pears, 1925 per box; grapes,
$l.5O@2.5O per crate; casabas, $2.75
per dozen.
Tropical Fruits.-oranges, Valencia,
$4; navels, $4.5O@5,5O; Florida grape.
fruit, $5.5O@7; lemons, $S.5O@1O per
box; pineapples, 7c per lb.
Observation-Disclosures 75c per doz.
en-; asparagus, Oregon, 5Oc@$1 per doz.
en-; beans, 4@6c per lb.; cabbage, lao
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-08-05

an organization, their allegiance with
those who defame and denounce the
American flag indicts to a large de.
gree in the mind of the court. 1t is
prima facie evidence against any appli.
cant for citizenship to the United
States to be a member of either the
Industrial Workers of the World or
any other organization in America that
has resOrted to such tactics as those
adopted by the former order during the
past few years, and before this court
will grant final papers to any appli.
cant who claims allegiance with the
/, W, W. order, it must be conclusively
and thoroughly shown that such par.
ties will forever sever all connection
and association with orders Of such
character.
Courts Warned.
With the same firm convictions gain.
ed by close surveyance Of all vital
matters concerning Inns duties as cir.
cult judge, Judge Galloway yesterday
stated that every court in the United
States should bring out every point,
confirm or dissolve every suspicion and
exert every effort to arrive at the true
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1913-02-28
CORN CRIB MADE RAT-PRooF
sdea illustrated Herewith Well Worth
Studying Out Where Many Hogs
Are Raised.

The combination corn crib and
feeding floor herewith illustrated is
an idea we'll worth studying. if the
reader raises any great number of
hogs. The idea first was to build
corn crib that was as near rat and
mice proof as possible, and while it is
Impossible for RAGS or mice to enter
this crib it must be remembered that
one often allows them to get into a
crib through carelessness, says the
Iowa Homestead For instance, a
board is left leaning against the crib,
the mice may be shoveled in with
the corn, etc, but mice and rats must
have water, and the few that enter
cribs in this manner will soon leave.
This crib is thirty-six feet wide, with
q twelve-foot driveway, and is forty
eight feet long. The walls are twenty
feet to the caves, and the crib is
filled with corn elevator. The crib
has a cubic capacity of about thirty
thousand feet, and will easily store
seven thousand bushels of corn. The
gills are SKIS timbers The studs arc
2xS. and the center over the drive
has 2x10 joists. The roof is covered
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1913-02-28

VIZ ASHINGTON.-The electric car,
W or better, the electrified car. that
runD back and forth across the Penn
sylvania avenue bridge and for some
distance up Pennsylvania avenue ex-
tended, is a relic.
When you enter this car you note
that it Is only half as large, or a
fourth as large, as the average run of
the heavy and noisy cars on the main
lines. There are only six windows on
each side of this little car, and a low
bench or side seat runs along each
side OF the car. This seat Is covered
with red carpet. That looks old-fash-
Toned and homelike. But you note
also that a group OF incandescent
lamps glow in the low ceiling of the
car that electric push buttons are in
the window frames and that the usual
electric traction devices are on the
platforms
Finally your glance hits an opening
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1913-02-28
biscuits Is Biscuits Is the Impression Abroad

WHAT is q biscuit? There has been
w an impression abroad that bis
cults is biscuits" and that that let
them out, but German customs OFF,
Gals have found biscuit ia:
"A fine bakers product. sweetened
and favored, and should, therefore.
come under q particular heading for
import duty
And, in consequence of this epicu-
rean definition. importers of American
biscuits in the Fatherland are forced
to pay q prohibitive duty. So high
has this duty been set that one i'm
porter has made protest to Ambas-
sador c. A. Leishman at Berlin that
the matter be taken up by the state
department
Many weighty problems have left
their indent on the massive brows of
the shippers OF our ship Of state. But
the latest problem is one that will
force them to get down on their knees
and scrub out the cellars OF their in
tellects. What is beer?" What is a
Democrat" What is whisky they
have all been answered. But now
comes q proposition OK preponderant
pourousness, and 1t is up to the state
department officials either to substan-
tiate the good old Century diction-
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1913-02-28
White House Housekeeper Wins Name and Fame

its excellence and the manner OF fete-
giving at the White House is the envy
OF the smartest hosts at the capital.
Multimillionaires who pay their chefs
$4,000 yearly are not able TO match
the product of the White House kitch-
ems and miliionairesses who have aim
ed to make good by living UP to the
maximum that the way to a mans
heart is through his stomach" cast en-
vious eyes upon the way things are
done at the home of the president.
Caterers who previous to the COM
ing of Mrs. Taft had found the White
House their best patron. bewailed the
lost trade. No matter how perfect
their wares they had no sale at the
White House. where Mrs. Jaffrayss
management made it possible for
home cooking" to hold the boards
against all corners. The biggest fete
planned, as for instance. the silver
wedding celebration of the President
and Mrs. Taft, as well as the tiniest
luncheon served, were provided for
down in the big White House kitch-
ems. 1t was all done so easily that
it looked like child's play
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1913-02-28
Hghwayman, Dressed as Woman, Aids in Hold Up

TWO highwaymen one attired as
1 stylish young woman, held up
John McLain of 110S Florida avenue
Northeast, he told the police of the
Ninth precinct the other night, and
at the point OF a revolver demanded
his cash and jewelry
McLain was going to his home,
when he was accosted at Montello
avenue and Morse street Northeast
by two men. one dressed in woman's
clothes. Both had their faces smear
ed with lampblack The one in mans
clothes pointed revolver at McLain.
and demanded his money. He only
had 25 cents. SO the highwayman took
that. and pointing his revolver at Nc
Lain told him to beat it." McLain
did
Hastily turning corner, he met Po-
liceman Steele about to mount the
steps OF the Ninth precinct station
There's a couple OF holdtups down
the street. he yelled at Steele. The
bluecoar spied the pair about four
blocks away and started after them
on the douhle-quick The two heard
his footsteps and vanished around a
corner. No nnore was seen Of them
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1913-02-28
IS 100000, 900

thrust that unfortunate municipality
into deficit of $170.000.O00. Both
views-and every sort OF intermediate
view--are held violently and conyul-
siveiy by men of equal sincerity. intel
ligence and conservatism.
The only other undertaking financed
by city which comes within shouting
distance of the subway plan for sheer.
brazen immensely is the Catskill wa
terworks system, which New York
city is building in modest, depre-
eating sort OF way, so that one hard
ly hears OF It. When this Is eomplet-
ed, which will be in three years or so,
it's chain OF reservoirs will be fed by
GAG miles OF water shed. The is by
IL foot tunnel. which will deliver $780,
100000 gallons Of water day to New
York city, will be 80 miles long. I'm
der Storm King and the Hudson river
it will be 100 feet deep. For miles
1t will range between 700 and 500 feet
below the cfty's doorsteps. 1t will
cost $500 900 900 or Whereabouts. and
will supply the needs of the city for the
next generation, jsst as it is hoped
that the new subway can be stretched
to fit the straphangers' demands for
half century. The two enterprises,
forced by conditions upon the city,
will cost $500. 600. 900.
It should be noted that New York's
net funded debt is 1874 .949, 404--as-
sassed against 5000, 600 people-on
which the annual interest is $35.473.-
6S5. The total debt OF the nation is
81, OPT .575. 900. on which interest
amounting only to $22. 1877 900 is paid
and which is shared by 96.O00.OOO peo-
pie
Superlatives seem to be justified.
The present subway was built to
carry 400 600 people daily. 1t is carry
ing two and one-half times that mum
Der. thanks to the straphang ing genius
of the New Yorker.