davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
The.
The
Scrap Book
An operate Engine.

An amusing episode occurred some
years ago when Mr.. Damrosch was
giving series Of lecture recitals on
the Ring of the Nibelungen."
The opera was "Das Rheingold." and
Mr.. Damrosch. seated at the piano.
was giving in his kindly. informal, de-
lightful fashion the various motives
Of The music. He played and explain
ed the Rhine motive: the "Alberich
motive" the motive of the gold" the
"Fafner motive. :
Then he came to Loki. the god Of
fire. Half turning toward his breath
less audience. he played the theme. say
ing in his slow, grave way, And this
is the Loki motive.
For a second there was silence: then
a low ripple Of laughter went over the
house. But Mr.. Damrosch-- bless him!
was so deeply absorbed that he nev-
err saw his droll word play at all. He
gave wondering glance over the au-
dience, probably thinking something
amusing had happened there, then
swept on his rousing way like steam
engine through the score. New York
Evening Sun.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
Willino 10 Re lmposed Upon.

He had youth and much faith and
inexperience, but his good father took
him into his Office to initiate him into
the mysteries Of business.
The second day he was at work q
man came in asking for financial AID,
with pathetic story about sick wife
at home and six helplessly small chill
dren without a crust In the house.
The boy listened earnestly and then
went into his dads Office to tntercede
for the unfortunate man. He told the
sad story seriously. The father leaned
forward and peered into the outer Of
Ace at the vagrant.
.sMy son, credulity is one Of those
good things that die young, and 1t 10
such impostors as that man who make
1t So" he said impatiently. why,
when that man was here last week he
had eight children. according to his
story"
"But, father, don't you see," replied
the son tragically, "the other two
probably died Of starvation" -Kansas
City Star.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
THE FAMILY DISGRACE.

WI HENEvER come where the old
w "Jes' look at your hands," says
ma,
An Sis says my" though it's none Of
her biz,
IAN look at his neck!" says pa.
IAN look at the mud on his stockings.
too,
An look at his dirty face!
It isn't week since his shoes were new
Oh, it's awful tough when you know that
you .s.
Are the family's one disgrace!
"Jes' look how the seat of his pants Is
Did ever you see such hair?
An that is his very best blouse that's
torn.
An his coats got another tear.
He might be ragpicker's boy, says ma
"The alleys about his place..
HE ought to be spanked-thats wnat!
VA says pa.
Oh. it's awful tough when you know you
are
Your family's one disgrace!
"Now, what has he got in his pockets,
pray?
An where does he get such things?
An why does he bulge our his CLONES
~ that way
with marbles an tops an strings?
Don't you dare to sit down till you've
been upstairs
An scrubbed both your hands an face!
My goodnessl Don't handle those por-
Eo tieres!"
Oh, nobody loves an nobody cares
For the familys one disgrace!
Edgar A. Guest in Detroit Free Press.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
PILGRIM JOE SAD.
He Resents the Word "Faker" as
Applied to Him.
HIS MOTIVES THE PUREsT
The Continued Misundersta nding OF
the Public Grieves Him Greatly.
His Experience While Exhibiting at
Jump of the Reverse Of Felicitous.
BY M. QUAD.

BY N. QUAD.
copyright. 1913 by Associated Literary
Press]
- AM making so per cent profit on
my various remedies for the cure
of what ails mankind. but there
are times when grow weary.
/ can draw a man back from the
yawning grave, but when my remedies
won't grow new leg to replace the
wooden one l am called a fraud.
can save the child dying OF fever,
but because can't substitute some
thing for his red hair mothers drive
me from the door as faker.
take tintype of man or woman at
half price and in nine cases out Of ten
am blamed that 1t looks homely and
natural. I save man or woman from a
suicides grave when laboring under
dependency. and hope returns to them
only to blame me for butting in.
l smile as count my profits. but l
shed tears when think of the injus-
tice of this world. ...-...'.
Besides lifting up the lowly, encour-
aging the sorrowing, selling my rene
dies. taking tintypes and showing my
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10

moving pictures as travel about the
country, also collect statistics for Tho
agricultural bureau at Washington ana
keep tab on human nature as | find Il
in various localities. <--
1t grieves me to say that IN carrying
gut this latter duty ] haa7'e been forced
to the combustion that human nature i:
gradually but surely losing its rever
erce for sacred things. Not weeE
goes past but what find dozen in
stances of it, and 1t hurts me more
than can tell.
The Town Of Jump of.
Two years ago exhibited my NOV
ing pictures at the town of Jump OF
which was founded as future rival
of Chicago and had seven murders and
nine Opponents the first year. When
l showed the picture of General Wash
ington at Valley tsvygas annotated
starved, discouraged and nimost read :
to trade American indeESndk tor ;,
pumpkin pie-there was sNG hreathles
silence in the audience for a mipute,
and then sobs and tears broke forth
from every point Of the hall Men
who had not shed tear when their
mothers-in.law died now broke down
and had to be led from the hall and In
some cases. as afterward learned. did
not take hand at poker for the next
two weeks. l was told of women that
went home and wept for three days
and could not be comforted and of lit
tie children that wanted to send their
food to the starving patriots.
Last week got around to show my
pictures In the same town again There
was still larger audience. and |
thought observed an increased look
OF reverence on their faces. After col
Letting my statistics as to the number
Of cucumbers per acre raised In that
part Of Kansas this year mounted
the platform and started the show
with the same old pictures. 1t was
Washington sitting In his log house ut
Valley Forge. He was the most ser
rowful looking skeleton ever exhibited
to the public outside Of an anatomical
museum. expected great results, and
I got 'em. Instead of tears and silence
and sobs. the picture no sooner ap-
peared on the canvas than irreverent
voices called out:
Fat him upr'
Feed him pudding and milk!'
"Give him chop suey?
"Hey, George. old boy. where's yorr
fried oysters?"
MY grief and establishment can hard
~ be imagined As I looked at the
audience In reproachful way the au-
dience continued to boot and guy. and
had to take the picture Off. The
audience even booted me. | then eX.
hibited a pi Of Satan walking arm
in arm with BOSTON alderman that
had sold his vote for $4,000, and there
was applause lasting seven minutes.
Had Great Hopes.
The next picture was Faith clinging
to the cross. I had great hopes tbs
this would bring the audience ba K
into the straight and narrow path. BY
was doomed to disappointment. She
was advised to go home and 60 to
darning stockings, and when would
have expressed my surprise at such
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10


He cast furtive glances at Mrs. Bow
ser and some more furtive glances at
the cat.
At length. after he had cleared his
throat half dozen times without fol
lowing it up. she took pity on him and
laid aside her book and que-ied:
well. what is It'll"
II was just wondering IL you would
like to make the European trip?''
mot on 15 cents
How about $1.0OO.OO0?'
.'Oh, you've got another schemeT
Mr.. Bowser didn't resent the sarcasm
In her words. On the contrary. he
smiled and chuckled and slapped his
leg.
lis it politics this timer"
"ldrs Bowser. wouldn't take the
presidency of the United States"
Got around to chicken farm
again r.
.'No. nor to fire escape or burglar
alarm. Ha, ha!'
millions in II, of course"
"By John! Ia, ha. hag'
Mrs. Bowser looked sharply at him
to see IL he had been drinking too much
cider, but he had no appearance of it.
He was just jolly and good natured.
like a man that had big thing and a
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
NOTHING to Laugh At.

A few years ago purely self made
person. who had acquired million OF
so In other lines OF endeavor. took q
part Of his fortune aud with 1t built q
theater on Broadway. AT the end OF
his second week as proprietor-manager
he was standing at the door one even.
ing just before the performance began,
talking to Paul West, the song writer.
Along came leading dramatic critic,
and he stopped for a minutes chat
with the two others
"Say, Harry" asked the owner,
whats the reason that amt making
no money outer this here proposition
Here put up nice clean house and
hire good company and vet the
crowds amt coming"
WELL" diagnosed the critic. "Tll tell
you. Jake This is new place. and
you mustn't be in too big hurry. Re
member how long It took some Of these
other houses to get established. You'll
have TO build up your own clientele"
He passed on and West went inside
to see the show. When be came out
at the end Of the frst act Jake was
waiting for him and drew him aside
paul." he demanded. what was the
name of that there thing Harry told
me I'd have to build up here?"
"a clientele" said West
.'Sure. thought ! had II right" said
the owner. "And now what | wanter
know is why them guys down at the
building department gave me the laugh
awhile ago when asked for a permit
to build Philadelphia Saturday
Evening Post
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
Like Father. Like Son.


William had just returned from col
lege. resplendent in peg top trousers,
silk hosiery, fancy waistcoat and a
necktie that spoke for itself. He en-
tered the library where his father was
reading. The old gentleman looked up
and surveyed his son. The longer he
looked the more disguised he became.
"Son,' he finally blurted out. "you
look like fool"
Later the old major who lived next
door came in and greeted the boy
heartily.
"William." he said, with undisguised
admiration. lyon look exactly as your
father did twenty years ago when~>e
came bnck from school,!
EYES," replied William, with smile
80 father was just telling iie."-Lon.
don Photo Bits. -------'-'''
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
Cheerful Advice.

A number Of railway men were once
discussing the question Of accidents.
"The roads In Scotland said one Of
fetal. used to have bad name. In
deed, In respect to accidents. No one
thought Of embarking on railway
journey unless he had provided him.
self with an accident policy of insur-
ance.
"The famous DR.. Norman Macleod
was once about to set OF on long
journey through the Scotch country.
Just as the train was pulling out the
clergyman's servant put his head In
through the window aud said:
"'Ha'e ye ta'en an insurance ticket
slr?'
~ have replied the doctor.
"Then.' continued the servant. write
ye'er name on It and gi'e it to me-
They haze an awful habit o robbin' the
corpses on this fna' =
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
EXCITING Time,

Mrs. Jones ran out the back door and
sped across the lot to the dividing line.
Mrs. Beckett-oh, Mrs. Beckett,
come out! Come out quick! There's
something happening at Mrs. Newwed's
across the street"
For the land sakes, what is itT'
dubbed Mrs. Beckett, hurrying toward
her neighbor.
"Well, I Jist can't make OUT shrilled
Mrs Jones, whether It's a baby or her
first cake."-Judge.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
Tins on Credit.

Gent-1've no change this morning.
I'll give you something on my return.
Crossing Sweeper (sadly)--Ah, sir,
you'd be surprised II You knew how
much money I've lost by giving credit
that way.-London Opinion.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
Divided,

Divided.
Johnny" said his mother severely,
"some one has taken a big piece Of
ginger cake out Of the pantry"
Johnny blushed guiltily.
"Oh, Johnny" she exclaimed. II
didn't think it was in your
at amt ALL" replied Johnny. Part
Of 1t is in Elsie Chicago Record Her
aid.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10

Major Bangstick (of Indian army
Tell your scoutmaster that now I'm
home l shall be pleased to help him.
II he'd like 1t. with field work and
so on.
Horace-Thanks, awfully, dad, but
er-are you quite up to date? Drills
altered a lot since you were home last
Punch.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
His Aim.

II never hear you Dragging about
your ancestors
mo I'm too busy trying to do
things so that my descendants will be
able to brag little about me."-De
troit Free Press.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10

"a TEAR AGO I SAW A TRAMP ARRESTED.
sure thing up his sleeve. She though,
1t possible that he might have struck !,
this time.
.'Well2" she asked as he continued tt
chuckle.
A Dead Sure Thing.
well, it's something I've kept from
you week or SO and am dead sure Of
and SO I'll tell you. It will be no use
for you to try to discourage me-"
Perhaps shan't try
"Mrs. Bowser, how much money do
You suppose the American people
spend in year for beer?"
Maybe s1,OOO,O00."
..And maybe GOO times that much.
What would you say about whisky and
wines?"
lis It as much as thatY
"And a heap more. You can figure II
that the drinks Of America cost about
$3,O00Oo0 600 a year"
"Gracious me-"
"And they do no one the least mite
Of good. On the contrary, they are
harmful. Suppose could change all
this? Suppose could stop all manu-
facture and sale except for medicinal
purposesy'
Wouldn't II be grand"
"Mrs. Bowser, how much tobacco Is
chewed and smoked in America every
yearT
wagon loads OF it. Why. the stubs
Of your cigars would make one wagon
loadT'
1--WE won't mind the stubs OF my
cigars Just now. Other billions Of dol
lars are thrown away in tobacco, and
no one receives the slightest benefit.
Isn't It awful" she gasped.
with the money thus squandered
we could pay the national debt 10
eight months. Then we could 60 on
and build schoolhouse at every ten
rods all over the country. We could
bring the price Of Holsters down to 8
cents apiece. We could have free
moving picture shows. We could have
free gum for all the women to chew"
"And can you do anything to hurry
up that glad dayY'
81 can and have and will, Mrs. Bow
ser. That's my scheme, as you will
call It."
"But don't see"-
To Change Human Mature.
"But you will see. In one years
time no man will drink, smoke or chew.
! won't 90 so far as to say that none
will play poker or bet on horse races,
but 1t will not be with the same old
enthusiasm. l. Bowser, am going to
change human nature over the world.
am going to be the greatest benefac-
tor the world has ever known"
Mrs. Bowser sighed and turned
away, and after chortling over her per.
plexities, hs continued:
IA year ago saw policeman ar
...< |. x~o vnv, ana HAT And mfnuNa him.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
Fortunate.

" see that somebody says many q
man Is poet without knowing It"
"Gee. what luckr'Chicago Record.
Herald.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
The Word.

"He pleaded with her to say the lit
tie word that would make him happy
for life"
Tell me quick! Did she say it?'
"She did. 1t was No "-Birming-
ham Age-Herald.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
Wayside Chst

Wayside Chat-
"What did they give youse
last houseT'
Gimme three minutes b
loose de dog."-Kansas
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
rim Hur,t,, ea.ebaII Troubles.


At the close of that memorable sea-
son when Tim Hurst managed the
Browns for Won der Abe be laid over
in Philadelphia on his way to his home
up the state. and while In the Quaker
City he told his daily experiences
while running the Mound City club.
my Mondays" said Timothy. were
devoted to telling the st. Louis sport
ing editors how was going to win the
pennant the next year Tuesdays !
would be kept busy denying to the
club owners that l had ever made
any such statements. Wednesdays |
would be explaining to the newspa.
pers why we weren't winning games
Yhn;as-sdaYs. l.. would be fighting with
Chris to keep him from hnins the
players all the money they had coming
to them. Fridays would generally be
busy all day getting the terms Of
pitchers that no batter could hit"
And on Saturdays2"
"On Saturdays I-lwould spend the
day signing players that couldn't hit
any kind of pitching"
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
Life-the Struggle.

Virtues not in mere existence
And stunning things that make HE
dear
Virtue Is in rightful using
OF the gifts bestowed us here
Life il not in idle pining
Or passive drifting into Joy;
Life is battling with the torrent
Which unstemmed can but destroy.
virtues not where life anaemic
Never knew temptations lure:
Virtue lies in overthrowing
Base desire and thought impure.
Life IL not in vapid dreaming
OF some distant vague ideafs
Life is labor and strenuous
Hourly conflict with the real
Virtues not in watching struggles
High and dry on some safe shore.
Enter In life's heated contest
There you're needed more and more.
Life is not in following footprints
Or keeping wheels in some set groove
Make your own tracks: strike out boldly.
Life is progress-forward move!
-Bayoll Ne TreleL
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
BOWSER'S DREAM.
Thought He Had Found a Way to
Conquer Rum Demon.
he PICKED A BAD SUBJECT.
A. Result, After Mrs. 6owser Pays
IS to Her Husbands Protese Her
Spouse Seeks surcease and Forget
fuiness In Sleep.
BY M. QUAD.

ICopyright, 1913, by Associated Literary
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10

- KR. BOWSER wanted to talk.
|" He had laid aside his news
paper and was nervously
- 1A hitchinp around in his chair
Amarillo daily news. [volume] (Amarillo, Tex.) 19??-current, 1913-01-04
TELLING DISTANCE BY SOUND
Modern Science Has Brought II TO Es-
setltude That Is Easily Suseep.
tihe Of Proof

There f. an old saying that II YOU
can count 1--WE between the fash and
thunder YOU are safe Modern science
tells us that II you can see the fash
al all YOU are safe. because II Il struck
you you would have no time 10 see Il.
The speed Of lightning Ia about $50
times that OF sight
Tho old idea was that n you could
count Eve The storm was mile away.
which Was considered safe distance.
Sound travels at tho rate OF l.li2 feet
second. or about a mile In Eve sec
onds In order tO couu' seconds accu-
ra'ely u ly photographers start by
fayiua. o. themselves no one thou
sand. on one thousand. two ono thou.
sand three one thousand etc. This
gives abb the ri-ut space between
each cou.t ~ one. Two. three. etc, z
YOU stop ~ the number % seconds
you want 20 time With little prac-
tico with a watch beside YOU this is
accurate mp TO half n minute or more.
II YOU hear steam whistle blowing
aud note The instant Il stops YOU can
count The seconds until you lose the
sound. and by allowing fi'th OF a
mile for each second you can Judge
the distance Tho same Is true OF
guns. or an explosion. or even OF ham
mering or any loud sounds
Amarillo daily news. [volume] (Amarillo, Tex.) 19??-current, 1913-01-04
HALF CENT
A WORD AFTER
FIRST INSERTION
TALKING SPOILED His TRIP
Passenger Beating RS Way Was All
Right Until He Himself Gavo
the Whole Snso Away.

Jacs Grace, the veteran boxer rnd
globe trotter. likes TO tell stories
about himself aud ietaiis one where
In Honolulu proves u have offered
him n welcome unaware.
81 had been stopping in Honolulu
with the Jcffrics.Johnson fight pic
lures and decided that | wanted 70 go
10 Yokohama knew the chief en-.
gineer on the Manchuria, which was
due In port III couple OF days and
! thought would save 5000 fare by
riding with him
When the ship came into port he
told me that ! could have the second
engineers cabin.
"'Stay inside couple OF days and
then come out and mix with the pas
sengers. There are about 500 on
board he told me. and do not think
you will have any trouble
Il followed his instructions, and
after the second day came out from
hiding. We were within n few days
OF Japan, and was RECALLING n bunch
in the smoking room with some sto-
ries when a company checker looked
at me closely and asked:
"'Say. who are YOU
Il did not know him. 30 proceeded
10 tell OF my experiences, and relate
what n good friend had in the chief
engineer. Riding the rods is hard
work. told him. but travelling first
cabin on these transpacihc liners is a
pipe
THE checker left without explain
Ing his official position. but ! noticed
about three hours afterward that the
ship slowed down. also saw that
the Mongolia. sister ship on the
same line was passing us and also
getting ready 10 stop. Well. they
only gave me time 10 grab up my
press book. that other shirt and an
old pair OF boxing gloves ! was car
rying. when they transferred me "a
the other ship
Going back Say. did you ever
holystone a deck"
Amarillo daily news. [volume] (Amarillo, Tex.) 19??-current, 1913-01-04
Left Them to Think u Over.

Iert mem 10 niHS " ONcT'
The scene was the club room: the
hour advanced. Serious. gloomy,
cheerful, elated were the earnest
faces Of the takers by turn as the
arguments for and against came
thick and fast.
And the subject under debate
do Fish Sleep" That was all but
II was sufficient TO keep them al Il
TIL late hour OF the night, while pa
tiently waited their respective
wives at home
So fercely waged the controversy
that It burnt itself away There
came a lull; most OF the debaters
we're played right out.
II was then that the cheerful
IDIOT" who had played the listeners
role, clipped In. Rising from his
roomy armchair. where he had lain
unobserved. he stretched, yavned,
then spake:
Gentlemen. the hour is late: !, for
one, must HE me 10 my cot. DO fish
Sleep do not know. But II they
don't why river beds ?"-London An
svers.
Amarillo daily news. [volume] (Amarillo, Tex.) 19??-current, 1913-01-04
Work 81 Greei,n Women.

Tho FIRST womer's paror in Greece
was established twenty FIVE years ago
bv Nine C.lirhoe Parren The old
est vom,us organization was founded
IN 1913 under ne name Of the Ladies'
src'rtr with 'he object Of securing
employment f.- poor women ard o.
corrlF'nc raf'ra Industries For soy.
sraI year. 'Fa creek National Corn
o. V,I.r 0as t.ea power ir .ra
affairs 1f .fe country aud .r aims O.
secure .. .-'fe f.~ ...s 90 al
de..-r .I f ..-
Amarillo daily news. [volume] (Amarillo, Tex.) 19??-current, 1913-01-04
No Change.

They had parted years ago Now IN
the deepening shadows OF Scotland ;
twilight. they met again.
Here be the old stile. Annie ha
said
"Ay, and horo be- our Initials ih"i
Won carved John" she replied.
Tie ensuing s.ica.c was only b'"
tsn hy .he baez.ng y an aviator over
head
Uur.sI.#.n memories 'f...I
through o.. uuel. and fu.lrd .0.r
glowing checks
.An. Annie. exclaimed 'uhn sud.
sen. s,has her fair, slim hand.
te.ro d., as beautiful as so ever
we're. an ! hoe never forgotten ye.
my bonnie lass!"
And ye. John" she cried. while
her blue cen moistened TREMENDOUSLY
are list as big a leear "a ever. an
,elieve We list the same!-
Amarillo daily news. [volume] (Amarillo, Tex.) 19??-current, 1913-01-04
Plus ard Minus.

Formerly in order to express the
sign OF addition the Latin word plus
(morel was abbreviated % = which
r. the haste Of writing often degen-
Grated into a simple cross and was
ultimately adopted as such With re-
gard 20 the sign OF subtraction. we
soc o. many books published before
the eighteenth century that g was
written as a small horizontal stroke
beneath fhc letters ms Gradually Il
came 10 be- written without the lot
ters as We Use il today -Ilarper's
Weekly