Evening star., 1913-03-05
At the End Of the Rainbow.
BELATED LOVERS.
BY Walt Mason.
BY Walt Mason

You ought to get married, Mr.. Tod
hunter and go to housekeeping, adj
vised the landlady. you are always
finding fault with boarding houses"
I'm life's rosy morn, when my bosom
was young replied the star. bOarder,
II made determined efforts to get mar
ried, but my best laid plans persisted
| in ganging aglee. l made 1t a rule to
propose to every marriageable young
woman l got acquainted with, and sew
eral desirable maidens accepted me.
used to keep their names in a notebook
but 1 was unfortunate enough to lose
the book. so / can't be accurate in the
matter of details. but something always
turned up to prevent the nuptials. Or
two or three occasions stern parents
interfered and three or four of the
| brides-elect experienced change OF
heart at the eleventh hour
| ''At last / proposed to a widow, a re-
fined and beautiful creature. and had
not the fates intervened she might
| have made my home a haven indeed
i She was just as much In earnest about
getting married as l was, and when we
!, walked together to the kirk with a
| goodly company to be united in the
holy bonds I thought that at last my
before the altar Mrs. Jiggers, and the
pastor. who had been secured for the
occasion at fabulous expense. was
| about to utter the solemn words, "ashes
to ashes and dust to dust" or whatever
words pastors use upon such occasions,
| when a stranger Of besotted appearance
entered the sanctuary and announced in
a loud voice that he forbade the OBJ
sequies.
MY bride took one look at him and
| then uttered a piercing shrek and fell
! to the floor in a swoon, after the fash
| ion OF FenimOre Cooper heroine. 1t
| turned out that the besotted stranger
! was her husband. She had been in
| formed that he was dead, and had gone
| to the expense Of erecting a headstone
playing harp. I have always consid-
cred his return at such time as rude
and unladylike in the extreme.
| II was SO discouraged by this ex-
perience, Mrs. Jiggers. that 1 made up
my mind to make no further attempts
nance was dead, my heart withered in
, There have been times when 1 have
considered the idea of getting married
as a measure Of self-defense. for the
boarding house life becomes onerous
now and then. But 1 am waxing old,
my dear Mrs. Jiggers. and / have al
ways held that old men shouldn't be-
come giddy. If there is any one thing
| in this world which is the exclusive
province of youth, or should be. 1t is
| marriage. Young men and young wom-
! en- are still plastic. Their characters
are not altogether nodded. They can ad-
| Just themselves to circumstances and to
each other.
But when a man becomes venerable,
as I am, he can't reform himself. i
have my customs and habits, my tricks
and my manners, and my idea of a
good time is to sit by the fire on q
winter evening and smoke and read
| I don't want to go anywhere or see
anything. Women of all ages and
| conditions of servitude want to be GO
E! ing somewhere. or seeing something for
! ever and forever If 1 married young
| woman, Mrs Jiggers. she would want
| me to put on my tall silk hat in the
evening and escort her to the moving
| icture show, or the circus, or, perad
-enture, to a dance. and that would
| mean misery for me. Had l married hel
! then l was young it would have beer
| iferent I have no doubt that Id
ave acquired the going habit. and my
| kill In l0comotion would have been
| he talk OF the town. But an aged man
| no has learned to appreciate flreside
nd pair of slippers can't reconcile him.
If to the idea of trotting about.
IF 1 married an elderly woman II
! ould be worse. At various times ]
| I'VE considered the adyisability of mar
ing you. Mrs. Jiggers. but sober second
ought always abated my enthusiasm
ou have the going mania. like all WON.
:. but you like to go to lecture
Well. Of all the impudence!" shrieked
ie landlady, II think / see myself mar.
| wing you"