The Washington herald., 1913-02-02

contributed q solo In more or less nervous
and untunefuI fashion. Miss Investisa-
! ton thus warbled:
After much calculation.
My views to this amount;
Every investigation
Makes one more expense account.
And Miss Riff-rafferendum expressed
these sentiments:
have a notion pleasant,
Which has gained some renown.
Things right side up at present
Should be turned upside down.
The Ideal and the Real.
The climax Of the travesty was a par
ody on the famous gobbie duet The
principals were "Miss Democracy and
Professor Higher Education" The lat
ter sang Of ideal dreaming and prom
ised to stand by with Miss Democracy
in spite Of threatening disasters. while
Miss Democracy expressed a natural
anxiety about "those friends Of mine who
think they ought to be postmasters." But
when Miss Democracy chortled "ofice, ,'
ONCE" 'ofice." Professor Higher Edu-
cation simply answered BAH"
The duet thus concluded:
Niles DeIn-.
The victors want the spoils. you know.
You'll have to give the gang positions.
say that Offices must go
TO college men,not to politicians.
But Thomas Ryan's drawing near,
ana Iammany Is some voracious.
Prof. H E.:
will confess to you, my dear,
Your argument seems perspicacious.
eAe-- L.
But I will educate them yet.
Chorus:
But We all want ours. you bet.
When a,oss we say to you: 'office!" 'office!"
Pro-, he:
1 repeat to you -oan:'
"omce" 'ofice." once"
''Bahr' "Bahw "Bahr'
As the operettists went out. the chorus
clamoring "ofice" and Professor Higher
Education loudly responding Bah" there
was prolonged and appreciative applause.
In statuary Hall.
| Passing now. ladies and gentlemen -
said the guide in a loud voice, from the
present House OF Representatives, we
come to Statuary Hall, or the National
ValhaIla."
THE national walIow?" queried the
deaf old man in the crowd Of sightseers
mo. VaIhalla," repeated the guide
shouting his answer in the woman's
| ears.
The impromptu Statuary Hall was filled
with human figures on pedestals. Sec
retary Wilson wore a straw hat and
carried hoe; willis J. Moore" had or
an ulster and a straw hat. and held Ut
an umbrella; Senator Bailey" was dis.
ton marked copyrighted" and Senator
elect Ollie James. Representative Dalzell
Speaker Cannon. apd William J. Bryan
were portrayed in life-like fashion.
Incidentally. the sightseers, who in.
cluded woman. a Southern colonel. and
deaf old man. were told that Statuary
Hall was noted for its marvellous echo
The Southern gentleman was asked tC
voice the wish nearest his heart.
| II want TO be postmaster in my town,
he said, gIancing upward.
Don't you know" echoed a robus
voice from a balcony near the ceiling
that Taft has put all the postmaster
under the civil service?"
"wonderful." exclaimed the tourists.
Each statue was made the subject ot
/ a remark by the guide. Secretary Wilson
was described as a man who had mad,
two blades of grass and three scientific
bureaus grow where none grew before
As TO Ollie James, the question wa.
asked how he came to be elected to tbs
Senate If he was not dead. When th'
| guide came to Cannon. the deaf maj
] asked If he. too. was a dead one.
The answer was a buzzing and flash
| ing of electricity. Uncle Joe" a dead
| one? Not much. He is still the lives
wire in the United States.
Rip Van Wrinkles Return.
Still another stunt was the return o
Rip Van Wrinkle in the person Of Ada
E. Stevenson, who entered the room
looking. as he said. for Dick Bright, wht
was Sergeant-at-arms or the Senat,
twenty years ago. The effort to educat
old Rip up to the happenings OF the pres
ent day gave an opportunity to ute
some amusing lines. When the sleep!
visitor insisted that Roosevelt was onl,
a civil service commissioner. he was in
formed that Roosevelt had whipped Spail
and been President.
What had Spain done?' inquired Rip
We haven't found out yet" was thu
reply.
Then Rip was told that the Wilso,
now in the public eye was not the maj
from West Virginia who wrote a tariff
bill, but a college professor who wrot
limericks. There were several touching
references to public men and finally tn
returned sleeper gave a shout Of joy. On
man was still on earth whom he knew Il
the days gone by-Uncle Joe Cannon.
The Gridiron Club and Joe Cannon
are not changed" he said.
Many Good Songs and Speeches.
Topical songs also enlivened the even
ing There was a touching referenc'
to the guy who put disuse into Eusti
and balled the great inaugural ball, ant