davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
DAY IN THE STREET
IS CHEERFUL
PRICES OF MOST OF THE LEAD
ING STOCKS ARE MARKED
UP A FEW POINTS.


NE" h"th' jan -H'-NnIl street took
" more cle"'lul Wow OF conditions
t'uaN' iflees OF most o! the leading
S''"NS were nafNe3 up one 10 two
to'ltS win larger gains IN special
l''N''HCeS' considerable more bust
ieSE Was zone IN the ilrSt hour than
"tllhS iae tntlf" session yesterday,
al" lN"uSh NNe p1'c SlaCkenCt later,
me hlShef IeNeI If prices was We'll
'lalhtalntd. American Can issues
scored the most conspicuous advance
or the ~. Bullisn impulses from
several quarters helped shape &en;i-
nieht along more hoEciul Tres. The
n"Iiroau list was strengthened by en-
ct'ient reports for December of scv-
Graz large western systems, including
Union la'lilr, Northern Pacific and
1--WE tArh&tipn OF the In
'efHdtlohal harvester corporation
was construed as plarlRg the harvester
lhtores'S IN a more -aN'rahie position,
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

F1VE-ROOM MODERN HOUSE. GAS
South Fourth west.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

MlSSOIrIA AlrRln NO. 80. +. o. Il,
Meets first and third Tuesdays of
each month at 500 p. ma. at Eagles
hall, West Main
w. A. LOGAN, president.
JAS. A. BAKER, Secretary.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
CUT THE HIGH COST OF LIVING.

w. II. Chapman, Winnebago. Neb,
tells how he did it. My two children
had a very bad cough and the doctors
medicine did them no good. l got a
bottle of Foley's Honey and Tar Com
pound, and before it was all used the
children were free and cured of their
cough. ! saved a doctors bill for one
25c bottle of FOley's Honey and Tar
Compound No opiates. Missoula
Drug Co.-AdV.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
FOR RENT-HOUSES,

TWO-ROOM HOUSE, 62S SOUTH
Fourth west.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
WHEAT.

Minneapolis, Jan. 28.-Closc: Wheat.
May, size; July, 500. Cash: No. /
hard, size; No, ! northern, 85Hm
SGac; No. , northern, S3H mS34r; No.
2 hard, Montana, Ss4c; No. 8 wheat,
S1A MS2Mc.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
Stockholders, Meetlnr.

Notice is hereby given that the an
ual meeting of the stockholders Of
the G. w. Pomoroy Automatic Mail
Catcher company viii be held at 2l2
Higgins avenue. Missoula, Montana,
on Thursday, January 80, 1913, at 1870
p. m. q. II. SHAVER, Sec.
MiSSuula, Mont. Jan. ID. 1912
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

Headache, clogged bowels, sour
stomach, poor appetite, puts one down
and out; TAKE HOLSTERS r. N. Tea
and come back strong. 35c. George
Freisheimer.-Adv,
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
LOST AND FOUND.

BASEMENT OF PALACE HOTEL.
Sigma NJ frat pin; owners name
on back. Return to Mtssoulian Of
flee for reward.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

FIVE PASSENGER TOURING CAR,
good condition; or Will trade. p
O. box SO.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES.

FOR SALE-ONLY BUTCHER SHOP
II Roman and everything connected
with it; two lots, house, barn, ice
house, slaughter house, machinery,
all complete. Address, Roman Mar
ket, Roman, don't.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

SECONDHAND SINGER SEWING
machines, IS and up. Hoyt-Dickin.
son Piano Co.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
BOARD N ROOM.
314 WEST CEDAR.
WANTED-REAL ESTATE.

WANTED TO BUY FIVE OR SIX
room house on south side within
seven blocks of high school and
two blocks Of carline. Address S,
M, Missoulian.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

WANTED-SEWING BY THE DAY.:
can give good references. Bell
phone 1886.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

FOR A BARGAIN IN USED CARS
See II. n. Edwards, 210 East" Main;
p. O. box III.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

HAY, CLOVER AND ALFALFA, $a.OO
per ton. j. Doney; phone 94S black.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
HELP ~WANTED-MALE.

WANTED-TWO ALL-ROUND MA
cmnists for mining wages
$500 a day for nine hours. Ad-
dress H., box 263, Wallace, Idaho.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

BUFF ROCK COCKERELS AND
White Pekin ducks. M. r. G..
Smith, Ind. 400.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
FURNISHED HOUSES FOR RENT.

THREE-ROOM FURNISHED HOUSE
l46 Woodford street.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
FLORIST.

FLOWERS, FUNERAL DESIGNS,
decorations for weddings. etc; write
wire or phone, Bell 1853: Ind. 2726: I
have no uptown store and no big
expense. 1t pays be " sive you the
benefit. Anderson's Greenhouse.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
ALBERTON AOTEL.

c. p. RICE OF MiSSOULA HAS
leased Browns hotel at Abortion;
will conduct first-clasS dining room
and commercial table.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

OLD PAPERS FOR SALE AT MIS-
soulian office: zoe a hundred.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

NEW AND SECONDHAND AUTO
mobiles. Overland Garage, T.. Main
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

,FOUR-ROOM FURNISHED COT
tage; all conveniences. AS DAILY
avenue.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

WILDWOOD, STOVE LENGTHS;
large, heavy, dry, $3.50. Phone 249
red; Inc. 1885 your orders; prompt
delivery.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

COTTAGE; ALSO FLAT; CLOSE IN,
Ind. phone 1898; $40 Alder street.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

CASH REGISTERS AND SAFES
7. G. Hathaway, Worden's store.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

GOOD CORDWOOD OR 16-INCH
wood. cheap. 766 purple.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

FIRE INSURANCE. w. T. SMITH
PIT Stevens street.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

f, w a
FOR NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
CORDWOOD. PHONE $50 RED.
GOOD APPLES. PHONE IND. 254S.
DRY SLABS $3.50 LOAD; Phones ass.
FIRE INSURANCE. w. 2. SMITH,
PIT Stevens street.
II HEATING STOVES CHEAP.
McGuffey Hardware Co.
PAINT BARGAINS TODAY AT
Kellogg Paint Co.'S sale.
GOOD SECONDHAND RANGE, SIS.
McGuffey Hardware Co..
GOOD CORDWOOD OR 16-INCH
wood, cheap. 766 purple.
OLD PAPERS FOR SALE AT MIS-
Soulian office; zoe a hundred.
CASH REGISTERS AND SAFES.
7. G. Hathaway, Worden's store.
NEW AND SECONDHAND AUTO
mobiles. Overland Garage. T.. Main.
HAY, CLOVER AND ALFALFA, $a.OO
per ton. j. Doney; phone 94S black.
FIVE PASSENGER TOURING CAR;
good condition; or Will trade. p.
O. box So.
SECOND-HAND SINGER SEWING
machines. IS and up. Hoyt-Dickin-
son Piano Co.
FOR A BARGAIN IN USED CARS,
See H. n. Edwards, 30 East Main;
p. O. box III.
BUFF ROCK COCKERELs AND
White Pekin ducks. NJ. r. c..
Smith, Ind. 400.
WILDWOOD, STOVE LENGTHS;
large, heavy, dry, $3.50. Phone 249
red; Ind. 1885 your orders; prompt
delivery.
DINING ROOM FURNITURE, CHINA
cabinet, table, six chairs, nearly
new. 525 Rollins; Bell 1904; Ind.
o..
cD~o,r rr.,p cr,,vT-, -,
cntnes' sisl'ls USED; singers ana
Sau,inn Naohi,n 70 p@111e u 49,
1910 ~ A'o " oo
FOR SALE-P PLAYER PIANO.
never used; If taken at once, rea-
sonable terms n a bargain.
11l,~-~ D-ll q r1
FTTpNITTrpr NEw AM cECoN-D
hand. 7 nav highest nrioos ~ go
ond-hand horseho15 Goods How
1enser; 10 west Mail: ol9 piach'
n1 TO-
,oo - vacuum, D,rr ,r ,-r
pullets; % are Trips blue jacket
Stralh: also TWO fooSterS OF IflppS
stfaln, one poultry house and two
FOURTH street west, or Bell phone
33o'
For
-r--o ,0o,- So 800 C------
~ hoo@H' 90 9oolH
rouill "esI
r,,vr ,,o,r ,,oD.---x ,-a--.- 80
'0ul ~ "e'|
CIV DooM ,,oDrp< rrDrrcr ,,,rrr,
raionbnro 'ESL vain
' -'' "1'NN'
ooG Djn err
aanet an" '"l' H'' ~ E
P
ETvE-po0M MoDrp~. pANcp
oih1''
Fpl1rth
range, linoleum and shades. Inquire
433 South Third.
IN city; one lower and one upper.
"heeluoh-ItosSl co.
= ,oa,, -
o-IsooM moDEISt\ VIII
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
FOR SALE-ClTY REAL ESTATE
ER CLAIM.

APPLY FOR A QUARTER SECTION
Of valuable Oregon timber lane
while you still have the opportunity;
no residence or loss of time; small
cost; big returns; either mar or
woman may apply; most all taken.
See me at once, John w. Gardner,
Victoria hotel.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

DRY SLABS $3.50 LOAD; Phones ass
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

PAINT BARGAINS TODAY A
Kellogg Paint Co.'S sale.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

GOOD APPLES. PHONE IND. 254S
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29
AI(H THF W NIT Al THIS MISSOUIIAN PAGE IS
80 NAN 1ADo A GREAT CLEARING HOUSE
FOR NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.

CORDWOOD. PHONE $50 RED.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

H EATING STOVES CHEAP
McGuffey Hardware Co.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1913-01-29

GOOD SECONDHAND RANGE, So
McGuffey Hardware Co.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-11-22

1t Is necessary to remind him that
such gross Misrepresentation as. he
permitted himself to make at Toronto
can no longer be tolerated. The time
has gone by for that. Now that the
newspapers have in good faith coma
piled with the statute requiring pub
licity, the charge that they = owned
or controlled. and through such own
ership OF control unduly influenced
by the. large interests il one that
no man can make without bringing
upon himeslf the reproach of Islander
and. falsehood.
we have felt that the rider to the
postoflce appropriation bill. which
embodies the publicity requirement, is
incomplete. 1t was intended to sub
stitute knowledge for conjecture in
respect to newspaper ownership. Log
ically, a penalty should have been im-
posed upon those who still resort to
conjecture when knowledge is before
them. We would suggest that the
statute be amended to provide that
when any mar makes such false
statements about newspapers as those
made by William Dudley Foulke, he
he compelled publicly to eat four cop
les of The Congressional Record con-
tanning Jonathan Bourke's speech in
support of the appropriation bill
rider"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-11-22
LEGAL
NOTICE OF MORTGAGE FoREcLos-
URE SALE,

Whereas default has occurred in the
hereinafter described in that the mort
the interest upon the the mortgage reaassd % deb 5
and dues upon the stock Of this asso-
MORTGAGE debt, and the same are. I'M
by reason Of such defaults tie mort
gagee has declared. the entire mort
rage debt due and payable.
Notice - hereby given that that Ger.
livered by Theobold Dutt and Christine
putt. his wife, rnortgaEors. to Grand
eorks Buiiding md Loan Association,
PeHsy l 81 the snd fe fifsa t part ree dated i J ,hs
once q Of the register Of deeds Of Grand
and there recorded in book "l3s" Of
closed BY a sale Of the w pre,n III aaff in
ed. at the front door Of the federal
ONCE building. Alpha avenue en-
h irance' noW being used as the u
court street, in the city Of Grand
Ct I'D Dessmbsr A: D. 1918; at the hour OF
~ the e's ama.I p a n; Of n said day,t to salts
on the day OF sale.
s. 1se R 2 ns,s, described .;fi Be in said mort
5s5; IN block ts), Bulge q Eshel,na Iix
Tn.la 9da.tion to tbs city Of Grand
There will be due upon such mort
ssse on the day Of sale the total sum
Seven and 7s-l00 ~.(11,lo7.75) Dollars.
pesidss b costs Of this Foreclosure.
Dated this :1st day Of November. A.
Grand Forks Building
ana Loan Association.
>,,, Mortgages.
Attorneys for M%ortxagee,.
Grand FeYks. n. b.
tNov: 2?-2e, Dec. ~s-1s-2o.e7.l
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-11-22

the sheet Of note paper rustleJ in her
unsteady hand. At 10 she had looked
just that way the first time Ira Marks
ven home with her. She had looked
that way again when she heard that
he was going to marry Alice Wilson.
Now Alice Wilson was dead and he
was free again. Lillian, too. was free.
Dorcas thought of that instantly. She
also thought Of something else.
Il believe" she reflected. "he was
the man she wanteI instead Of Joe
Mccall. I liked Ira pretty well N.Y.
self, but l wasn't, one to make a fool
of myself over any man. When Dolph
Crane am by l took him and made
the best of it. Lillian got the best
bargain. for all her fussing. but J.
never begrudged her. She wasn't one
to ever take things easy in this
world" Aloud she said quietly: so
Alice is. gone? Dear. dear: she was
the prettiest girl in Oxford, excepting
and tuck between, You which got Ira
Marks. But I guess o amt no
cause to mour now. You're alive
and she's dead" o.
And Ira Marks is" Lillian bit
her lips just in time. She laughed en-
citedly.; What say 10 our going back
to Oxford this summer and making
Mercy ADAMS q. visit I? I know /. can
get an invitation ati}s. minute:I write
Mercy and ask rhe@+r'I'd like awful
so would l." replied Doircas. When
Dolph Crane died soon after. Joe Nc
Call and both women were left child
less, with scanty mean in a big town
far from their old home, they had de-
cided to join forces. They had been
very we'll content for some years.
Now. however, Mercy Meeker's letter
had aroused in them both a great un-
rest. Dorcas understood that Lillian
wished to go back OF 1ra's account.
She wished to go on her own. She
wanted to see oxford folks again.
She drew a deep breath. IF you
don't mind me. YOU may" she said.
The letter was sent. and within ten
days came a reply. Mercy Adams
would be very glad to have them both,
say -about the second.
This gave them time to prepare a
wardrobe. Lillian was highly excited
over her W prospects. i've been
we'll out Of mourning these six years.
she said. II shall have a blue foulard
myself and a. pink linen and a white
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-11-22

skirt. And 1 want a parasol AMI a
nobby hat and low shoes and long
gloves. And I don't know but I shall
AFFORD silk stockings"
Dorcas eyed her renecttvely. "Ain't
you going in kind Of heavy?" she
asked calmly. THAT kind Of dress.
ingll make Il big hole in your bank
account. shall set mc n good
dress and my other things must do.
So longs you're dressed up 1t won't
matter about me. ! shan't set noticed
much, anyway"
Their was n trace Of bitterness In
the last sentence which had been saw
ing up since their girlhood, whom
Lillian's fairylikc loveliness, gayly n.
rayei, had eclipsed poor. numbering.
plain DOrcas in every company. LII.
lian recognized the inference. and 1t
was like a spur to her vanity. She
planned to renew her old triuImphe,
Let Dorcas 60 as she would. Dorcae
should be her foil.
For three weeks Lillian rcvelled in
her shopping. She bought all things
she had desired so long. She visited
the masseur. the manicurist, the hair
dresser. She plastered herself with
identifying creams. She spent her
money as if there were no end to II.
To Dorcas there was something mag
innocent ! n TINS last great plunge OF
her little sisters to capture happi-
ness.
IF she don't get Ira Marks"
philosophical Dorcas, shell have. to
live same as before. I better save
my money. Id look pretty dressing
up like that, l would, old lun,moxsthat
! am: I amt going without coal. and
meat this winter just for the sake Of
making a splurge this summer"
Yet when all was said and done she
sighed to see Lillian. Expectation
and excitement had done eve o
for Lillian than new clothes and beau.
ty parlors. She was pretty.
They went to Oxford. Mercy
Adams met them at the station with
the new car, which she drove her.
self. She took them home to the
farmhouse on the outskirts of the
village and gave them tha newly fur
nished guest chamber as their own.
There were twin beds and mahogany
furniture. And at tea there was ice
fcream and. cakes such no farm
er's wife knows how to- make. Dor
cas-. beholding, sighed. She felt sud-
denly very old and plain and hopeless
ly behind the times.
AS they sat in the porch chairs after
tea Il big car whirred suddenly out Of
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-11-22

At bedtime Lillian whispered, "Irs
Marks is rich. Dorcas. Mercy say
his car Is the finest in these parts
and he's got an overshot barn and 3
new house with all the modern i'm.
provements. He's worth looking aft.
er."
Then look after him." porca.
yawned. II want to 60 to Sleep"
Ira Marks came the next, night and
the next. Mercy had him to supper,
and he took them all out to look over
his place. He Wa very nice to them
all. but Dorcas knew, Of course, that
1t was on Lillian's account.
."1'li help. her all l eau" she
r m"SS 'he1 I1us ! guess she don't need
It seemed, indeed, that Lillian did
not need much helping.
The two weeks Of their visit sped.
Ira was attentive, but impartial. He
kept: all three women carefully in
cluded.. There was something baf-
fling about 1ra's manner. Dorcas
grew almost angry with him. "If they
cont get. engaged while she's here
they won't be able to get married be.
fore cold weather." she thought.
re came one evening and found
porcas alone on the veranda. Up
stairs Lillian was making herself
ready against Ira's arrival.
Always busy" said Ira as he sat
down in the chair next Dorcas.
Well" she said, 1T thought I
might as well be doing something.
Waiting on US. Mercy don't have much
chance to mend. I like to zee things
evened up in this world"
500 do l." Ira said, earnestly. He
leaned over. got hold Of Dorcas's work
and tugged it out Of her hands. II
wish you'd marry me. porcas." he
said quietly.
Dorcas could not speak, She could
coming downstairs. But. Lillian--"
shs saspsd.
Ira patted her arm. ."Ili be 4 kood
brother to LILLIAN" he said, III you'll
let me- be, q husband to you. :
And.to poreas.s surprise vt Was al
Threshold.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-11-22


the .wayside shadows and paused. A
man alighted and came up the walk,
and not until he removed his hat and
spoke did Dorcas realize that he was
Ira Marks. She thought: Hes taken
to new ways like the rest and
shrank back till he had made sufici-
ent greeting to Mercy and Lillian.
Then Mercy said: And Dorcas.
Surely you remember herr"
why. yes, I remember Dorcas," he
said. He held out his hand frankly.
And Dorcas gave him hers. 1t was
absurd how her heart was going. Yet
she tried to be brave and natural.
so you're farming it with an auto
mobile. Ira she said. "just like the
rest of EN- in these parts"
She could not have said anything
that was more like the old Dorcas.
He laughed, and embarrassment van
ished.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-11-22
n THE EVENING
TWO WIDOWS.
Copyright. 1913. BY W. wsraer,


Dorcas Crane was darning stockings
and her sister. Lillian Mccall was
making tattinE: These occupations
were not more at Variance than the
sisters themselves. Dorcas was larKe
and calm: Lillian was small ana
nervous. Their individuality pro-
claimed itself ir1stke way they worked.
The postman's whistle gave Lillian
q start. She always was looking for
letters. She ranNtos the letter box and
returned. It's Mercy Adams. Mercy
Meeker h a was" she announced. II
haven't heard from her in l don't
know when. Anil can't. for the life
or me. tell whethersI wrote last or she
did. But. anyway.Ssle's written now.
and she says Ira Marks's wife's dead
been more than Year. Did you
cver?"
thoughtfully. Lillian had dropped in
to a chair heavilvs Her face was
flushed. her breath came luttcringly,
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-11-22

OF TINE.

Mrs. John Purroy Mitchell is
Of New FORKS next mayor is "s = s sufs
lraslst. but she doesn't make
speeches or march in parades or Ven
emorolder anti-man notices on the
iinen things they used to call tides.
ohe Is pretty and sweet. and only
musical when she is completely by
nerself. and likes to dust the piano
snu see enat the pictures hang quite
esralsht. She is fond Of her friends
because Mr.. Mitchell has been Very
busy. and she doesn't like to 90
alone. e'
D o like the thcater?" asked
an interviewer.
1t developed that Mrs. Mitchell is
doesn't go very often.
Il do lot care to 60 alone" said
she. W S"'u
And MI. Mitchell"
! would not permit Mr.. Mitchell
to take me to the theater unless
thought that he would also enjoy
n benefit by the relaxation" said
1t is highly unlikely that the hus-
and of a wife like that belongs Ia
that vast army of New Workers who
may be seen between Z and 8 O'Clock
each night in tow of wheeling parlor
logs. He doesn't look like that sort
OF a husband, anyhow. The dog
walkers can usually be identified.
Miss Kathleen Clifford. the come.
dienne. thinks that women are with.
out doubt vain-but that men are
more 80. Not long ago she met a
large n ornate person. He was the
sort OF man who is only prevented
by law from wearing a diamond
stomacher. His hair was glossy and
thick as a parlor rug.
Il thought he was a nice man.
said Miss Clifford. artlessly. HE used
to laugh at my sex In a kindly. com
prehensive sort Of way. He said tina
he thoroughly enjoyed the dear little
Vanittes OF: every woman" { 49,
So they were riding in a touring
car. And whipped around a corner
blow through New oYrk's cross-town
streets. And the hat Of the large and
dfgnified person blew off.
Also" said Miss Clifford, his hair
blew up on one side. Then I. saw that
he was as bald on top as a coffee
boiler. He had permitted his hair to
grow very long on one side, and had
edge Of the larboard side across the
dome to S%tarboard. I was startled,
His head carried that soapy shine in
high tones that told Of years Of as
siduous polish.
"'Ah.' he said. easily. T thought /
told YOU that I am to appear in an
amateur entertainment. and had my
head shaved so I could wear a bald
wig!'"
Miss Clifford says that many
women might be equally defcien,
hirsutically. But in these days OF
transparent candor they wouldn't be
ashamed Of 1t.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-11-22
LAUGH WITH US RI

Stories That Have n
Many People Smile.

Mamma-"Willie. didn't I tell you
not to eat any more candy tonight"
Small WILHELM not eating it
mamma: I'm just sucking the juice
out Of it."
Little George (to physician)-"say
I don't think you look like a duck
Doctor-'Who said I did?"
Little George-"Nobody. But nam.
ma told papa you was an old quack.'
One day last winter Pauline, aged
4. was walking with: her aunt. SUD
denly the little miss halted in the
snow.
why are YOU, stopping, dear?'
queried her aunt.
Because" was the reply. I'm SC
cold I just had to stop and SILVER"
Sammy vas not prone to o%vere4er.
ton in the classroom therefore hi.
mother was both surprised and de-
lighted when he came HON zone noon
with the announcement: II got 10o
this morning"
That's lovely. Sammy" exclaimed
his proud mother. and she kissed him
tenderly. What was it .in?"
Fifty in reading and fifty in 'rith.
metlc. tt
DO you know. Miss Hut, I have
just read Of an artist who painted
such wonderfully lifelike cobwebs on
the ceiling Of his studio that his ser.
want devoted an hour trying to brush
them DOWN.. :.
well, I can believe that there ma
possibly. have been such an artist
returned Miss Hut, but there neve,
was such a servant
"A banker was IN the habit Of wear.
ing his hat a good deal during bust,
ness hours, as in the summer the fiie,
used his bald pate for a parade
ground, and in winter the cold. breez.
es swept over its polished. surface.
A negro workman on the railroad
each week presented a check and
drew his wages, and one day, as hi
put his money in a greasy wallet, thu
banker said: Look here, Nose, VIII,
don't you let some Of that money sta
in h bank and keep an account witt
The negro looked toward him and
with a quizzical look at the derby thu
banker Wore. answered confdentially