Western Carolina Democrat and French Broad hustler. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1913-1915, 1913-10-09
RECENT QUAKE DIDN'T
DISTURB BIG DITCH
But Many Enjoyed Serenade Render
ed Popular H~endersOnvile Bride and
Groom Upon Their Return.
Contributed


At 1887 r. M. on last Wednesday
night, the United States Government
selsmograph at Washington, D. c., re-
corded a series of earthquake shocks.
r-nhe record of/the delicate instrument
indicated that the eruptions had oc-
Cured somewhere in the South. Ear
lIer in the day, telegraphiC advices'
from Panama reported several heavy
earth slides in the Culebra cut of the
big canal. Therefore it was assumed
that the earthquake was taking place
N the Panama canal Zone. Without
confirming this assumption it was Of
hcially announced that the disturb
apces occurred in the vicinity of Uncle
Sans big ditch.
1T is not our intention to censure or
c~iticise any of the government Off
Gals for their manifested inaccuracy,
but inasmuch as this paper stands for
the truth, and nothing but the truth,
the following account of what Caused
the delicate needle of the Government
seismograph to undergo a. series of
epileptic. CREATIONS closely resembling
a whirling Derish doing the Tango, on
last Wednesday night, is herewith
published.
On Sunday last Miss Sadie Smath-
ers, the best court s-tenographed in
North Carolina, and Mr.. P. F. Patton,
the best real estate, road builder,
financier, base ball player, automobile
driver, and all round good fellow in
North Carolina, embarked upon the
matrimonial sea, being showed out into
the middle of the said matrimonial sea
by Rev. r. n. Wilcox, who urged the
young mariOners to be sure to keep
their eyes on the compass. MI. Pat
ton nonchalantly replied that he didn't
nOeed a compass because he was an
chored for life. r,
IN Wednesday morning the young
~seafarers were washed ashore in Hen
Gersonville, clinging to the wreckage
OF the good ship Honeymoon. Certain
activities of some of Mr.. and Mrs.
Patton's most ardent friends/from the
Eorning of that day untfl-about ten
q clock that night, will lever be re-
vealed. as those who engaged in the
gum-shoe WORK were sworn to secrecy.
At a little after ten O'Clock. one OF
Mr.. Patton's most intimate friends
walked into the First Bank where Mr..
Fatton a still figuring up his navi-
cation expenses, and expressed sur
prise that he should be out alone so
late at night. He wildly portrayed
Mrs. Patton to the young benedict.
standing in front of the lnantel piece,
eagerly counting each tick and eacn
took of the Big Ben; wondering if one
Of Mr.. Patton's friends had been taken
i'll so soon, and needed sitting up with.
At the close of the pathetic word pic
ture Mr.. Patton reached for his lid and
with tears in his eyes, sobbed out that
he was ready to go home, yes, and
1earin' to go!"
His friend walked part of the way
home with him, apparently trying to
console him. Upon leaving Mr.. Pat
ION, the friend made a wild dash foT
Nam street. Immediately upon his
appearance there, shadowy figures
sprang from dark doorways and join
eG him. In less than five minutes &
band of over fifty of Hendersonville's
post prominent citizens, armed with
every imaginable kind of implement
that would produce a noise, from a
triple barrelled, quadriple action nine
ty horsepower C1axon horn, to a COL
lection of antique kitchen ware, was
headed in the direction Of the attrac-
tive little bungalo on Third avenue
West, where Mr., Patton, with CULVER
ing lip and raised hand was solemnIy
vowing to Mrs. Patton that he would
new stay out late again.
Arrived at the house, the members
or the midnight crew silently took
their positions on the lawn and at a
given signal, WE'LL, what happened
then is beyond description. Il was
the most unearthly, ~screechlEg, roar
'ng din ever heard anywhere, not ex-
cepting a battlefield.
The following list of instruments,
accounts for 4. the volume of noises:
One high power Claxon horn, one
base drum, one antedelievian horse
FIDDLE, 20 dish pans, SO pillow cimbals,
three sour c~larinetsj 81 cooking pots,
40 frying pans, 800 cow-bells and Is
sheets of metal thunder, aided and
abetted by the lusty cheers of the ac-
complished musicians. The classic
symphony lasted about one hour, after
which the artists were invited into the
house by the bride and groom, where
an informal reception took place.
Is 1t any wonder that the needle of
tbs seismograph at Washington jump
ed it's socket, and executed violent
size movement going up and down.
and springing around at the, same
time? And the government said it was
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