Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1913-12-27
Selectinga
Wife
By Competitive
Examination
BY r. a. MITCH / L


understood that his only child, BIlly,
would be- ycrS ricli Indeed a news
paper stated thar the estate would
round mp SlWn0pa scarcely had thls
item appeared than a'l the girI- Billy
had ever known began to show hin
attention and those who hadnt hiH
acquaintance Sought luiroductions tina
they might enter the race for Billy
and his million II WIS not ionE
before he counted ten pairs 81 en-
broidered slippers arranged in a row
on shelf iu his closet and twelve
dozen handkerclliefs with the letter
IS worked IN one corner that had
been sent him hy aspirants for his
hand
one night after coming in from the
thcatcr Billy sat down 10 look over his
engagement book aul found that for
the coming week he had invited three
different girls la 20 io the opera with
him on the same evening was Ia take
ont four In his car on one afternoon
and was equally ,nlauglcd as 10 his
calls Throwing the memorandum
book on his desk, he pushed back his
chair and sat IN deep thought
This thin- has gone far enough" he
snid 10 himself All the girls know
want 10 marry me. and those who
don't know me would want to maers
me II they did know me It's got to
stop tluis all there Is about Il it's
got to stop But how am / going o.
stop Il; mi4bi have an item pub
lished thar mN fortune hnsut pnod
ont as we'll as Was expected md 90
stead ~ $ln0p0 Il wear l'll have a. gt
on with d hcggariy $1,000 This would
throw of the gir's who want an cstab
lishment but There are lots Of them
who would argue that tenth Of LOAF
IS better than none Rc~ des | doubt
4 they would helicfc the statcmuu..
especially ii Spend ny income 40
that phn won't work
suppose | marry one of these girls
that'll settle II And mieht as wei,
marry now as later II would save me-
a iot ~ temptation. ia have homo
to loaf in instead ~ club. and ia
be fulfilling the natural requirements
Of properly constituted existence.
The beasts and the birds mate why
not nam IN do it, I'll marry one
of these girls. end that viii head on
all the rest
But whirh one shall marry
There's Lou Clarke, ana Hattie Allen.
and Bessie Trask. and Helen Wariicld.
and q lot of others Lou woull love
me dearly. ! know, but she's not very
bright. and might tire Of her. Hat
tie. I'm afraid. is TO" smart She would
get ahead OF me- every time Bess Is
a scatter Drained creature always iok
Ing. Shes delightful as "A companion,
but I'm afraid that If my fortune
should SIP awaN from me she'd pawn
the clock and 20 on with her jokes
Helen Is too cuufoundedly serious. She'd
always he booking nj things n Il mat
ter of fact way
What u line thing il would Ice II
could lind srl that should have "A
fair amount of an the desirable traits
without having Too much ~ any one
Of them. She should be jolly but Sc
rious ut the serious times She should
bee fairly intellectual. SO that I might
bc able "a talk with her on ordinary
topics Of The day without her telling
me every few minutes that She knew
more than / She should he fond 81
children. us | am Availability | should
place as her first requisite.
Il know u way that could lind out
something about these qualifications
in the woman who would make me
good wife but I'm afraid the girls
wouldn't chime In with il. When a
congressman Is loaded down with ar
plieatlon, fnr West Point 0r Annapolis
what does hc do: Why. he submits
the matter 10 competitive examination
and gives the appointment Is the boy
whose papers are the best II would
be lust Tie thius ia my case, hut girls
are SD upplsh that they wouldn't sub.
init lnID
"lei lm not 80 certain about thar
where There IS million dollars ~
stake 4 girl will knuckle down 10
gopd deal Wiert she has q choice.
on The one side Of hanmcrlus type
writer al day ol examining knowledge
into thr hUHds ~ ghi'lrcu. who hate
knowledge and love candy. and ou tho
other. OF spending her share 81 so.
CO. q year ! have mind TO Try It,"
Tukiug 70 pcueii he amused himself
wrilin. out snair questions suitahie g.
his matrimonial purpose lie wrote
down "a nHmir ~ them scratching
out some aud substituting others or
chanelu. his wording. and ~ ia~t
threw down h. pencil. apparent
quite satisfied with his work. This
was his examination list
First state what you consider The
first duty ~ wife
Second. Write something humorous
Third Are you new woman ct
an old one:
Fourth Have son many or few rel
atlyesi state their AGES ana sex.
Fifth. What Is your agef
t..tt,. bu.f.nt.I sshnttf,f f.arte