davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29
With His Usual Fertility of Invention He Comes Forward With
Of Original Ideas for Selecting the Incumbent of That
Thne-H1onoIed Literary Post

am not sure that it would ultimately
work out for the best for Poetry as an
Art. Under the operations of the Dl-
rect Primary System it might very
easily happen that a popuar Halter
or q well-beloved Plumber would get
the job, just as we in this country
have been known to send estimable
Undertal1ers to Congress to deal with
live issues.
THAT would be the danger A hat
ter might conceivably be a perfect
Halter, and be perfectly familiar with
all the latest styles of straw wreaths
for the heads of Poets, and yet be an
Indifferent singer himself; and what
ever a Plumber of the best sort might
be able to do with a gas pipe or q
water pipe, it is possible that he
would be an utter failure. when it
came to blowing the Divine Afflatus
through the pipes of Pan."
An Extreme Case.
"I don't know about that de-
INJURED the Doctor. "I am not sure
that Just for a change the poems of a
Plumber would not be rather re-
lief from the sort of thing we are
getting these days. | read thing
by Reginald hgsaw Winterbloom in
Doodads Magazine last night-let's
see, how did it go? All, have tit
was called Efflorescence in Ex-
trcmis,' and the lines ran like this
Myriads of Myrmidons in vistas
fair arrayed
Before my cropping spirit now pa
rade,
While distant thunders from the
past uproll
To purge the saffron lava of my
soul
To loftier flights, while acrid zones
In ceaseless ebb, in never-failing
flow,
For JUSTICE cry aloud, to get,
alas,
Naught but a need of daffodils,
And grass,
To cure their ills,
So Grass,
And weep like weevils in a dank
moraSs!
I'm something of an Alienst," the
Doctor continued, but | had to give
that up, and | honestly don't believe
anybody short of a Plumber of wide
experience could force anything even
remotely resembling a real thought
out of Pipe of that kind"
"0h. nonsense! Where is your usu-
ally penetrating eye this morning,
Doctor?" said the Idiot. Something
must have happened to dull your
perceptions, my dear Sir. The mean
ing of that Poem is as clear as day
Well, go ahead and translate it,
grinned the Doctor. What does 1t
mean? I've got to admit that it
stumps me completely"
Why" said the Idiot, =" it means
that Reginald Jigsaw Winterbloom
needed $40, and knew just how and
where to get it. That poem was his
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

A plausible person isn't always the
one who gets applause.
Don't worry over the past. The future
will give you cause enough
The fellow who is looking for a peck
of trouble never has cause to complain
of short measure.
Life is masquerade. Otherwise peo-
pie wouldn't fall in love at first sight.
There are only two kinds of women
am afraid of--the married one and the
single ones.
Almost as many women's heads are
turned by flattery as by peroxide.
Friends are merely people we are
privileged to tell our troubles to.
A man ought to feel satisfied with
himself when he feels that everybody
else is.
Some people believe in doing only one
thing at a time. and then do the wrong
thing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

cnds by the Secretary's stop-watch
William Watson, with broad grin on
his face, crosses the fine a winner with
q variation of that great masterpiece
of the nursery, Who Killed Cock
Robin, as follows:
Who laid the Premier low?
Il" said the Suffragette
threw that red briquette-
| struck the blow! "
Who saw him fall? E"
L." said the quaking cop,
:" | saw the old man drop
Plug hat and ALL"
Who took him home?"
l." said the Ambulance,
Passing that way by chance"
We don't need to hear it all to get
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29
A Dream

MY spirit followed where the BOP
lVI pies flame
Leaps from the eye-bright mead
ow to the hills
And fed by wind and sun In fire
o'erwills
All barriers-and following it came
To where two Drinks for a deep vale
are frame.
And DER their marge the molten color
spills
Its petaled gold-then paused where
love-born thrills
OF light and air and bees their own
acclaim;
But as l gazed where wayward at my
feet
The winged blossoms wove their fiery
dance
To rhythms Of the earth and sky. my
glance
Walked to grimy pageant in street.
a throb of men, welter of mischancc.
That doomed my dreams advsntuys u
defeat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

by brick would naturally be more
inspiring to Mr.. Watson than to any
of the others, and would, therefore,
Immediately place Kipling and Noyes
and the rest at a disadvantage. For
instance, while Kipling was writing
laboriously, and without any real per-
sonal interest such lines, say as,
So 'ere's to yer, 'Anky- Panlxy. with
your pockit full o. bricks,
You're bloomin' narsty noosance
in our British politics,
But we've got to and it to yer, for
despite your lack OF grace,
Yer big blonde boundin' Beauty
yer, you've broke the PRIMERS
face!
while Kipling was turning that out
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

the point" said the Lawyer, as the
Idiot paused to catch his breath.
No, think we've heard enough of
Watson If that's the best he can do"
said the Doctor.
would suggest put in the
Poet that your first test is hardly
fair one, Mr.. Idiot. The idea that
Mr.. Asquith had been bowled over
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

slowly but surely, with no personal
prejudices one way or the other, Wat
sons enthusiastic delight over the
news would lend fervor to his wings"
IT guess maybe you're right about
that" said the idiot / had forgot
ten. News like that would send Wat
son up in the air in minute so high
it would take hundred elevators to
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29
Business Revival
By McLANDBURGH WILSON.

BY McLAND6 6URGft WlLSON.
THROUGH business waits on this and
j that,
According to report,
On tariff lean or tariff fat.
Decisions of the court,
Yet bright prospectuses | get
OF gold mines others missed.
And oil fields that are fortunes pet :.
Pm on the sucker list.
I'm getting word of fertile farms
In wildernesses hid,
For many ground floor schemes OF
charms
1 am desired to bid.
Yes, business must be getting brash.
The proof l can't resist
For some one thinks have some cash
I'm on the sucker list
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

Some people are so fond of hearing
themselves talk that they don't know
the difference between conversation
and monologue.
Many a fellow who weds an heiress
marries Miss Fortune.
Only fool would try to stamp out an
evil with his bare feet.
True greatness is possessed only by
the man who deserves the good opinion
he has of himself.
On the laugh-and- -grow-fat principle,
he laughs best who laughs least.
The eye is sometimes more eloquent
than the tongue yet few of us prefer
tongue lashing to an eye lash.
Few young men are really as bad as
the girls try to make them think they
are.
The man who praises himself is never
popular, especially with the people who
think he might better be praisins them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29
No Chance.

Atlas was carrying the world on his
shoulders.
9" If the darn thing didn't weigh over
eleven pounds / could send it by parcel
Dost," he complained.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29
By John kendrick Bangs.

TT is curious thing to me, Mr.
Poet" said the Idiot after Mr..
L Spondy had paid his respects to
the memory Of the late Laureate
of England, 9 that in this enlightened
age the blue ribbon of Poesie should
be handed out arbitrarily by the
powers that be, without any competi-
tion whatsoever. 1t is as If the Gov
ernment were to decide on the winner
of the Derby without any race. That
doesn't seem exactly right, does it2"
Its perfectly right" said the
Bibliomaniac. . The Poets are Judged
by their records
You might as well claim that a
horse race should be decided on the
basis of past performances, insisted
the Idiot.
Well, how would you have the
Poet Laureate chosen-by popular
election?" demanded the Biblioman-
lac. That would be a fine scheme!
Imagine two tickets in the field for
Laureate and Vice Laureate, Kipling
and Phillips against Watson and
Noyes "
1t would have it's advantages"
said the Idiot. g l take off my hat to
you, Mr. Bib, as the originator of a
very excellent idea which, with all
my so horsepower concentrated es-
sence of fool-proof idiocy, | could
never myself have conceived.
am not sure that it isn't a bet
ter plan than the competitive idea
that 1 had in mind. Certainly, il
Candidate for the Laurel were COM
PEELED to stand up before the people
and demonstrate his fitness for the
post or lose the election, it would put
few spurs into Pegasus, where the
poor old hack now gets hardly more
than very mild dig in the ribs.
kipling on the Stump.
Imagine man like Kipling, for in
stance, out on the stump, laying down
his poetical principles as forcefully as
he rams home his political ideas, with
all the power at his command, point
ing out in inspired periods all the pri-
No'O Soii uplicii cid PublO
that has grown out of the insidious
use of AleXandrine Hexameters by the
Reactionary Poets of Flanneled Pres
ent and Muddled Past, when nothing
but peace, and joy, and a smiling
countryside dotted everywhere with
happy, contented homes, might have
been Britain's portion had these woe
full Misusers of Poetic Prowess adopt
ed the Iambic Perimeter of the Peri
phrastic Peridoodles instead +"
How very thrilling! =" cried the
Doctor.
And then the dignified response of
his rival Watson" continued the idiot,
intimating that the trouble with
modern poetry really is that Pegasus
has fallen into the hands of Rough
Riders, who in their ultra progressive
ness have foundered the poor Great
ure; and are now trying to cut across
lots to the peaks of Parnassus in
wheeling, groaning, numbering taxi
cabs, that are as capable of soaring to
the everlasting heights as an elephant
with the gout is capable of dancing
the Tango with gracel Really, Mr.
Bib, that suggestion of yours is a
oorker-though on second thought I
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

Having a raft of friends is the only
thing that keeps some people afloat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

Many woman who otherwise has ex-
cellent sight can't see through her own
husband
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

The doctor may use hieroglyphics in
writing his prescription, but he takes
care to write his bill SO we can under
stand it,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

It's the man of many parts who some
times goes all to pieces.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

In these days of easy divorce it's
wise child that knows its own step
father.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29
Easy for These Two.

" But Noyes and Phillips would run
strong ON this subject. Either one of
them might land the laurel on this,
for instance;
o Royal Scion of splendid line,
In whom the future hopes of
Britain lie,
This molared glory that at last is
thine
Is but a blest reminder from on
high
To all the world that mid the rank
decay
That lushly doth appear on every
way,
Britannia's brow still wears the
Victor's wreath.
And spite her outward woes has
inward Teeth!
Beware ye Nations, flaming in
your pride,
With mouthy threats SO arrogant
and vain.
How ye the British Lion shall de-
ride,
Or treat Britannia's prowess with
a Prince hath risen from the depths
of night
To hold before your eyes the proof,
in sight
That regnant Queen upon both
land and sea
She's not as toothless as she's said
to be-
All, noble Fitz, what time the rau-
cous crew
Excuse me-" said Mr.. Brief, "but
I still don't see why this should be
continuous performance. When you've
proven your case let 1t drop. You've
won me over completely and l vote
for the Competitive Test"
A sort of Survival of the Fyttest.
said the Doctor.
"Surel said the Idiot. But, darn
1t, / wish you hadn't interrupted me
on that poem / was getting off 1t is
a fine one, and now you have COM
pletely sidetracked an effort that
might have placed imperishable laurels
on my brow"
What you need on your brow is a
wet towel" said the Blbliomaniae
What pity it is you don't live in
England yourself, Mr.. Idiot. Just think
what a chance a man who can roll off
drivel like yours without turning a
hair would have in a competition of
that sort You might win, and what a
glorious consummation of an achiev-
ing life that would be-THE IDIOT,
POET-LAUREATE,
No, Mr.. Bib" said the Idiot, the
idea doesn't appeal to me. / don't want
a mere earthly crown such as the
Laureate wears. I'm after the more
glorious halo that ultimately hovers
over the head of him who has labored
among the sinful and unregenerate.
TO work among the Heather in the
hope that in some way, some day, II
only by chance remark, | may win
him from his path OF darkness, and
turn him from his shining"
didn't know that you were in the
Missionary Field" said the Biblio-
maniac. Have you made many con-
verts among your Heathen?"
No, Mr.. Bib. l have not" said the
Idiot. But don't worry-ILL LAND
YOU YETI
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

The woman who powders her nose
isn't SO apt to shine in society.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

The holy bonds of matrimony some-
times merely indicate a merger.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

A man should be credit to himself,
but he wants a little cash thrown in.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

Our friends are generally willing to
take our part. and theirs. too.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

get him down again. I admit my IL
lustration was not well chosen.
Lets take another situation in
which the deeper passions of life are
not involved. Let's have the Chair
man arise and announces: Sons of
Helieon, a courier from Buckingham
Palace has just arrived with the glo-
rious news that his Royal Highness.
Prince John Maurice Henry James
William Tudor Guelph Marmaduke
Fitzpatrick Albert George Edward of
northumberland has cut a tooth, and
his Majesty the King has ordered the
Court in Bunting for ten days. Get on
your lines, Gentlemen. Are you
ready? y COZ
Again those virgin states begin to
squeak with the palpitating progress
of those precipitous pencils, but this
time there is no eighteen and a quar-
ter second business about the record
:" This takes time. There are many
references to Roget's Thesaurus, and
to the Rhyming Dictionary as well.
for there aren't enough rhymes to
TOOTH to make the job an easy one.
synonyms have to be sought and
even here there is infinite trouble, for
besides MOLAR, which rhymes with
DOLoR, and FANG, which rhymes
with BANG, there's not much doing.
Considering the momentous dignity
of the situation an impulsive little
tabloid lyric like
Bang! Bang! Bang!
F'itzpat has cut a fang!
would hardly do. ! am inclined to
think, too, that here the sturdy De-
mocracy that underlies all the veneer
of Imperialism in Kipling would place
him at a disadvantage again. When
a man is thinking Empires it is a
tough job to get down to teeth Wat
son, too. would probably be hampered
by past performances and get In
wrong at the start with something
like
o Baby with the Serpent's tooth.
without thinking of what he was
really doing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-06-29

On the laugh-and-g grow-fat principle,
he laughs best who laughs least.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-01-16
NAVAL STORES
co. DECLARES
GOOOD|v|DEND
WEST FLORIDA NAVAL STORES
co. HOLDS ANNUAL MEETING
AND ELECTS OFFICERS FOR EN-
SUING YEAR.

The annual meeting of the West
Florida Naval Stores Co., which was
organized in this city a year ago, was
held in the companys offices Tues
day, when officers were elected and
reports received showing the first yea1
of the company's business had been
most successful.
A semi-annual dividend of five per
cent was declared. and in addition a
neat sum was passed to the surplus
account. Officers were elected as fol-
lows:
President-R. F. Mitchell.
ice-Presidents-M. E. Savage, Of
Crestview; J. ]. McCaskill, of De
Funiak. and L. II. Howell, of Panama
City.
Secretary and Treasured. ]
Hayes
Finance Committee-R. r. Mitchell
Of Pensacola; M. E. Savage, of Crest
view; ]. ]. McCaskill, of DeFuniak
NJ. King, of Bombay, and L. H. Howell
OF Panama City.
Directors-R. F. Mitchell, of Pen.
sacola: J. J. McCaskill, of DeFuniak;
L. H. Howell. of Panama City; NJ
King, of Bombay; N. R. Hayes. of Apa-
lachicola; A. F. Paderick, of Pensa-
cola; G. c. Johnson, Of DeFuniak: j
c. Howell, of Gateswood; B. H. Lind
say. of Bombay; D. A. Ewing. Of Holt
and S. Ginsberg, of Messy Head.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-01-16
SCHOOL NO. Il
HAS MOTHERS
ORGANIZATION
PARENT TEACHERS ASSOCIATION
GROWS OUT OF FORMER
LEAeuE-REWARD FOR HOME
WORK OF PUPILS FAVORED.

Plans to give boys and girls attend
ing Schools No. 40 and No. Al credits
for home work were discussed yester-
day afternoon by the Mothers League
of School No. 40, in its final meeting,
held at that school.
Owing to the erection within the
School No. 40 district recently of a
new school known as School No. Al
the women comprising the league de-
cided it would be best to divide and
reorganize separately as two COM
ponent parts of the East Hill Parent
Teachers Association.
All of those present were in accord
the various members agreeing that Il
would be best If they hold their meet
ings in the respective schools that
their children attend.
As a result the league was dissolved
and the new organizations were forme;
with the following officers:
School No. 40-Mrs. L. G. Crosby
president: Mrs. Elizabeth Wilson
vice-president; Mrs. F. e. Osgood
secretary, and Mrs. A. ]. Suter, treas
urer.
School No. 41-Mrs. w. F. Breen
president; Mrs. c. ]. Oerting, vice
presidents Mrs. william Upp, secre-
tary, and Mrs. McDavid Caro-, treas
urer.
Each organization will meet in is
respective school the third Wednes-
day in each month.
HOME CREDITS
W. P. Cunningham, educational d.
rector Of the Y. NJ. G.. A, gave a paper
on home credits in which he advocated
| the recognition by teachers of goo6
work done at home by the boys anC
girls.
After going to school awhile, he ex-
planned, they develop the idea there i:
nothing but school, and lose some n
terest in the lawn, the garden, The
| woodpile, the dishpan, the sewing ma
chine and other things about tAe
| house.
| IF, he said, a boy or a girl be giver
credits for little home tasks we'll done
it not only gives them good practica
pastime that is a distinctive aid tc
their parents. but they get a broader
conception OF the relationship of edu.
cation to duty.
The Boy Scouts have such a system
| Of credits, he showed. and II ha.
proven Its value to a great degree By
| its workings in that organization.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-01-16
ANOTHER SAYS
HE WAS ROBBED
MATE OF VESSEL SAYS TWO NE.
GRO WOMEN AND ONE WHITE
MAN ROBBED HIM OF $50.

Another alleged robbery in the re-
stricted district was reported to the
police early Wednesday morning, when
the mate of vessel claimed that he
was robbed of $40 by two negro women
and a young white man in a house on
South Baylen street.
The seaman told Officer Clark that
Ollie Bennett and Annie Lee Will
liams, negresses, and Julius Suggs, a
young white man, robbed him of $40
at about 3 o'clock in the morning.
when he was in the house conducted
by Ollie Bennett:
The cases against the three defend
ants were called in the recorders court
yesterday morning, and they were
bound over to the county authorities
to await a preliminary hearing.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-01-16
WEST FLORIDA GROCERY CO.
HOLDS ANNUAL MEETING

The West Florida Grocery Co. hell
its annual meeting on the same day
and declared a good dividend, while
reports of officers showed an increase
in business. The officers elected were
as follows:
President-A. F. Paderick.
Vice President-R F.. Mitchell.
Secretary and Treasurer-A. r. Nc
AIIister.
Directors-A. F. Paderick, r. F.
Mitchell. A. r. McAllister, of Pensa-
cola; J. D. Russ, Of Freeport: w. L.
Parish. OF Vernon; L. H. Howell, Pan
anna City; and S. Ginsberg, of Messy
Head.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-01-16

Danderine from any drug store OF tot
let counter, and after the first appn-
cation you will say it was the best
investment you ever made. Your hair
will Immediately take on that life,
lustre and luxuriance which is so beau
tifuL 1t will become wavy and fluffy
and have the appearance of abund-
ance; an Incompatible gloss and soft
ness, but what will please you most
will be after just few weeks use.
when you will actually see a lot of fine,
downy hair-new hair-growing all
over the scalp. (Adv.)
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-01-16
WOULD CONSUME ALL
TIME KISSING BABIES

Washington, Jan. 15.-f President
Taft were 10 comply with all the re-
quests for kisses made by doting pa
rents, who wish their children to re-
serve such q presidential salute. he
would have little time for, public bus
mess.
Since publication Of the story of how
Mr.. TAFT kissed Phyllis wistrand a
little Laramie, Wye. girl. there have
been twenty-five fathers. mothers,
Erandmothers, suntS and uncleS who
have brought expectant boys and girls
TO the White House for similar err
rand
Nevertheless the president has not
had time to kiss any more children.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-01-16
TRAINS USING
WHARF TRACKS
FIRST DOCK OF DEEP WATER
ROUTE NEARS COMPLETION.
COMPANY PREPARES FOR LUM-
Der.

The Deep Water Route is now rum
ming trains over its own tracks to the
first of its five wharfs, now nearing
completion. The tracks extend on to
the wharf and the trains now run over
that structure, which is more than a
half mile long
1t was stated at the offices of the
company yesterday that the road
should be prepared to receive ship
ments of rosin and lumber within a
week or ten days. and that the out
look for a good freight business carry
ing those products seems very prom
Using.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-01-16
VESSELS IN PORT.
Steamships.

Steamships.
st. Oswald, Br, 3414, Spicer, Bremen
via Bermuda to South Atlantic Steam
ship Co.
Algieba, Ger, -, Liedeke, Ten
eriffe to order.
August Belmont, Br, 1857, Clarke,
Havre to Gulf Transit Co.
August Leffler, Swed, 1145, Killman,
Las PaImas to H, Baars & Co.
Induna, Br, 2s73. Milne. Santos via
st. Lucia to The Keyser- Muldon Co.
Magdelena, Dutch, 1896, Matross,
London to Gulf Transit Co.
Matfen. 1888. Durlzie, Kingston to n,
Bars & Co.
Helsinborg, swed, 1882. Meier, Will
nington to the Keyser- Muldon Co.
Hollinside. Br, 2242, Quicke, Las Pal
mas to Southern States Lumber Co.
Nervier. Belgian. 1885, Pa Bahia,
Brazil to order.
Eduardo Musil. Aust. so7s, Sutton.
Eordenham to jon A. Merritt & Co.
Ba4<s.
Alexander Lawrence, Nor, 1892
johnson, Barbados to order.
Norden. Nor, 1918. Petersen, Cape
Town to order.
Bonn. Ger, 1858. Kasch. Lisbon to
order.
Romanoff. Nor, 1926 Hansen, st
Thomas. W. l., to Southern States
Lumbe rCo.
Altavetta. Nor, 1851. Nelson. Glasgow
to order.
Catharina. sss. sievedal, Monevidec
to order.
Annie, Br, 1873, Void. Montevidec
to Southern States Lumber Co
Africana- Port. 64s, Cachin, oportc
to order.
Remonstrant. Nor. ego. Rostrop
Teneriffe, TO order.
Carolina. Urg. Hernandez. Havana
to Garriga & Co.
Carl, Nor, . Olsen Idaranhan
20 order.
Pasquale Lauro, - Naples to NJ
A. Quina Export Co.
Schooner.
LAvoniA, Br., 2ss, Pratt, Santiago
Cuba, to order.
Elizabeth T. Doyle. Am, 500, Hell
land. Gibarra, Cuba, to order.
Alice Lord, Am, POI, Kelly. San
Juan, P. R, to master.
Lord Of Avon. Br, -, Butler
Curocoa to master.
Edna V. Pickles. Br. 3ss. Berry,
Havana to master.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-01-16
Is CENT ''DANDERINE" FOR
FALLING HAIR OR DANDRUFF
DON'T PAY FIFTY CENTS FOR WORTHLESS
RELIABLE HARMLESS "DANpERINE--eEr RESULTS

Thin, brittle, colorless and scraggy
hair is mute evidence of a neglected
scalp; of dandruff-that awful scurf.
There is nothing so destructive to
the hair as dandruff. II robs the hair
of its lustre, it's strength and its very
life; eventually producing feverish-
ness and itching of the scalp, which
if not remedied causes the hair roots
to shrink, loosen and die-then the
hair falls out fast.
A little Danderine tonight-now-
anytime-will surely save your hair.
Get a % cent bottle of Knowlton's