Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1913-05-02
TASK The CONSUL"
Representative Abroad Has to
Answer All Kinds of Questions.
HUMAN ENCYCLOPEDIA.

Americans In Foreign Lands Seek All
Sorts Of Foolish and insignificant In
formation From Man Who Is Sup
posed to Know Everything"
At half past o'clock the American
consul looked at his watch and thanked
heaven that another half hour would
bring this particularly wearsome day
to an official end. In thus calculating
the consul overlooked the vagaries Of
his globe trotting countrymen whose
day rarely comedies with the rounds
of the clock or the customs Of strange
lands. AT a quarter to the cOnsuls
doorway framed q figure whose height
was modified by a slight stoop and
whose native twang was modulated by
an assortment of broad English as.
May | come in?' said the stranger.
'COme right on in" said the consul.
The caller had stopped at the inquiry
window, but only as matter of form,
for the clerk could not tell him what
he wanted to know, and, anyhow, the
consul's door stood wide open, disclos-
ing an inviting array of soft red rugs
and soft red chairs, on the softest of
which sat the American consul. The
stranger appropriated the next softest
chair and said he, with national di-
rectness:
What is the dog tax in New York?
l said / thought it was s., but was
not sure.
MY landady was not surprised at
my not being sure. She said she had
often observed that popularity in
Americans. They We're accounted a
practical people, yet they never We're
sure of anything that pertains to COM
mon every day living. Stung by her
rebuke. I determined to make sure Of
the dog tax. So | applied at the con-
sulate. This is where everybody
comes. | believe. when they want to
find out anything about the United
States that they should have learned
before leaving home
The consul sighed.
Yes he said, this is where they
come The dictionary says that con-
sui is "a person commissioned to reside
in a foreign country as an agent or
representative of a government to pro
tect the rights, commerce, merchants
and seamen of the state and to aid in
any commercial and sometimes diplO-
matte transactions with such foreign
country Well, dictionary makers
don't know everything. That defni-
ton is all right as far as it goes, but
it doesn't go far enough.
THE real business of consul is to
turn himself into a general informa-
ton bureau for his compatriots abroad.
Just think what fool question was
fired at me by the man who left about
half an hour before you came in. He
asked how many times Bryan had run
for president Some EngliShman had
asked him, and he couldn't remember
whether it was six or seven. He was
startled when I told him it was only
three. He didn't believe it. He de-
clared that one of his earliest recollec-
tiOns was Bryan's name and face
placarded on board fences, and he IS
II
upon three times, and that man went
away convinced that of all American
consuls I am the least fitted for the
job.
"OD an average Of once week some
American whose foreign friends nave
ATTEMPTED unsuccessfully to turn him
into an encyclopedia pops in here for
information on the copyright laws ana
the taxation of church property In
America. Yesterday a lady who look
ed like Il whole board of education Ill
herself wanted me to tell her whether
the Bible is read in the public schools
at home / told her it was when was
youngster, but heaven knows what
they read there now. The lady was
dissatisfied with that inconclusive re-
DIV. but it was the best / could do"
From affairs of church and state TO
slang names for money Is a prodlg1ous
lean. but the persons who apply to
United States consul for information
have accomplished it.
at was a man who foored me on
that subject" said the consul AN
Englishman had asserted confidently
that English currency is richer in slang
equivalents than any other coinage on
the face of the earth. The American
had disputed it without being able to
back up his contention, so came to me-
Lest the mind Of United States
consul grow dull through lack of eXer-
else compatriots frequently ply nm
with still another order Of questions.
Have we an income Tux in America?
Have we death duties? If we have
not got them why haven't we, or IL
we have got them why have weF" :
surprisingly large percentage OF tray
cling Americans leave their native
shores without first ascertaining the
presidents salary.