Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1913-12-19
Misfsllaneuus Rraains.
FIRST WOMAN RULER

SdSJSSeS.
If you ever read Alice in Wonder
land"-and it is to be hoped you have
you may remember that whenever
conversation grew dull, the Queen OF
Hearts would liven things up a bit by
shouting:
"Off with his head"
The Queen of Hearts may have fan
cied this was an original sort of thing
to say, but, as a matter of fact, she
was cribbing one Of the favorite re-
marks of Semiramis, queen of Assy-
ria, who fiourished, as the wicked have
a habit of doing, like the green bay
tree. Semiramis is a somewhat cloudy
figure, in time as we'll as in the matter
of character. But the Assyrians, whom
nobody ever accused of being prudes,
regarded her as a real bear cat, and
for many centuries she was held up as
a model to ambitious girls who wanted
to make their way in the world.
Semiramis, made the first move in
her checkered career early. She was
about 1S when she became the wife OF
a man named Menones, who was
general in the army of Minus, king Of
Assyria Menones was sent out to cap
ture city, and Semiramis, who was
nothing if not unconventional, went
along. After Menones had dubbed
away at the job a while without ac-
complishing much, little Bright Eyes
that was what he called Semiramis--
discovered a weak place In the city
walls, and one dark night she led a
gang of soldiers up to it, and they
swarmed in, slaughtered the inhabi-
tants, burned the houses and did all
the other things that were usually done
to captured cities in those times. (The
folks in the Balkans follow the Assy-
rian example to this day.
Well, Of course, 1t wasn't long before
somebody brought the news Of Semi
ramis's clever work to Minus, the king
Minus called the brave girl into the
throne room, thinking to give her a
Carnegie medal and a few kindly
words of praise. But when he saw her
he almost topp.ed off his throne. She
was about the best-looking specimen
of the genus chicken that had ever
fiuttered his way, and he saw right
away that she was meant for some
thing besides a common fighting mans
wife. So he sent word to Menomes that
Semiramus was going to become Mrs.
Minus, and that If Menomes acted rea-
sonable he should have the kings
daughter for his wife, and his ears
should never be saddened by failing to
hear the musical jingle of kopecs in his
trousers pockets. If he didn't act rea-
sonable he should have his eyes burn
ed out. Poor Menones, who seems to
have been a pretty decent fellow, didn't
care for either alternative, so he went
out and hanged himself.
Next day the king married Semira-
mis-, who was waiting to receive him
at the back door while the undertaken
was carrying the late General Menones
out through the front vestibule. Minus
was a very old man and you know
they do say there's no fool like an old
fool. He was so charmed by the buX-
ON Semiramis that he wanted TO make
her some very unusual sort of gift.
He couldn't think just what 1t would
be. Could Semiramis?
Well" said Semiramis, with modest
downcast eyes, IF you really want to
do something for me, dear, I'll tell you
what. You make me queen for one day
just one day-and let me rule the
whole kingdom, and say that every
body must do just exactly what l say.
1t would be such fun"
The king fell for this artless scheme
fell so hard that the splash could be
heard mile from the palace. He pass
ed the word around that everybody
should do exactly what Semiramis sait
for that one day-even he would be
her subject for "a hours.
Now, Semiramis had quaint sense
of humor, which the king had not sus-
pected. 1t was not, perhaps, a very
subtle sense of humOr; she was the
sort of person who would have laugh
ed herself to death to see steel safe
dropped on a man from the top of
ten story building.
So when her big day arrived, and
everybody had been warned not to hes
itate a minute to do anything she or
dered, and the king came around to
lead her to the throne, Semiramis had
a little practical joke cooked up for
him. She mounted the throne and the
king kneeled at her feet. All the grand
yiziers and lord high executioners and
things kneeled also. Finally one of
them inquired with the respectful def
erence of an English butler:
What is your majesty's commando"
The time had come to spring the
joke on King Minus.
why, just take the king here out"
said Semiramis pleasantly, and
strangle him."
Which they did. And the reign of
Semiramis was prolonged from one
day to a good many years. Tablets and
inscriptions which have been dug up
in various parts of Assyria record the
great things she did in that time. The
Assyrians had a quaint and childlike
habit of going about whiting ac-
counts of the big things they did on
the walls of public buildings, and these
accounts tell about how Semiramis
caused great roads and acqueducts to
be built She was always careful 10
have these public works bear inscrip-
tions giving credit where credit was
due, so her name was as much in evil
dence as that of a musical comedy
star.
1t is somewhat entertaining, as 60
ing to show that human nature hasn't
changed a great deal in 1000 years, to
know that as soon as Semiramis was
we'll settled on her throne she set the
state genealogists to work to dig up
an ornate family tree for her.
And make it a real de luxe article