davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
GAS, S0uRNESS AND
INDIGESTION VANISH
just AS Soon As "Pape's Diapepsin"
Comes In Contact With the Stom-
ach All Distress Is Gone.

Really does" put bad stomache i'm
really does" overcome indi-
gestion, dyspepsia, gas, heartburn
and sourness in five minutes-that-
just that-makes Pape's Diapepsin the
largest selling stomach regulator in
the world. If what you eat ferments
into stubborn Jumps, you belch gas
and eructate sour undigested food
and acid; head is dizzy and aches;
breath foul; tongue coated; your in
sides filled with bile and indigestible
waste. remember the moment Dia-
pepsin comes in contact with the
stomach all such distress vanishes.
It's truly astonishing-almost mar
velous, and the joy is its harmless
ness.
A large fifty-cent case of Pape's
Diapepsin will give you a hundred
dollars worth of satisfaction or your
druggist hands you your money back.
It's worth its weight in gold to men
and women who can't get their stom-
achs regulated. II belongs in your
home-should always be kept handy
in case of sick, sour. upset stom-
ach during the day or at night. It's
the quickest, surest and most harm
less stomach doctor in the world.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
Good and BAD Omens.

There are omens of course, con-
corning the ring. The bride must
not try it on before the wedding. be-
cause. once the ring is on. 1t must
remain on, and on no account come
off. The trying on difficulty is over
come by fitting the finger through
the holes in the cardboard supplied
by the jeweler. or by having the ring
made to the exact size of the engage
ment circlet.
If, for any cause, the bride feels
she must have her ring off after mar
riage, the husband must be the per-
son to replace it, as it was he who
put it on her finger in the church
II she puts it on again herself, bad
luck will follow, says the old tale, in
the shape of a quarrel soon to come.
If the bridegroom drops the ring in
the church, this is a bad sign. II
really means nothing more than that
he is nervous, but a superstition runs
that this is an unlucky action fore
telling later vexations.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
Pixies PEAK NOT THE HIGHEST

What is the highest mountain in
Colorado? pixies Peak" nineteen
persons out of twenty will answer,
and incorrectly. The twentieth may
know that the two highest mountains
in the state are Mount Massive and
Mount Elbert, both in Lake county,
in the Leadville district. The altl-
tude of each OF these mountains, &C
cording to the United States Geologl-
cal Survey, is 14,402 feet above sea
level. The height of Pixies Peak is
14.1OS feet Moreover, there are fifty
or sixty other peaks in Colorado ap-
proximately as high-over 14,O0o
feet The lowest point in Colorado
is 1850 feet above sea level. OF all
the states Colorado has the highest
average altitude, estimated by the
geological survey at $500 feet.
Although not the highest mountain
Pixies Peak is probably the best
known peak in the United states.
There was at one time weather bu-
reau on its summit, and it now has
a. substantial railway station at the
terminus of the highest railway line
in America. 1t can also be reached
by an excellent wagon road and trail
which connect the summit with Colo
rado Springs.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
JANUARY.

January gets its name from Janus
the celebrated two-faced god of the
Romans. 1t was said of Janus that
he could see things 10th coming and
going and he was therefore placed
on guard at the beginning of the
year. Up to that time the year had
begun with March, but after Caesar
took ireland, the Irish insisted upon
having st. Patrick's Day showed along
where it would not be too cold to
march, and Caesar made January the
beginning of the year. This occasion
ed a great uprising in Rome. where
the year had always pegun in March
and Caesars defense before the Pill
lar of Pompey is considered to have
been the finest oratorical effort OF
his career. He told the people that
in doing this for the Irish he mad
probably forestalled a movement foI
home rule, which reconciled every
body at once, and no more was heard
of it.-St. Louis Post Dispatch.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
MAID AND WIDOW.

Their rival claims to reign supreme
Can Man decide in no case;
The maids the diamond in thu
stream
The widows in the showcase.
The maids formal table d'hote-
The widows cake-and-honey.
The maids promissory note
The widows ready money.
The maids the latest book on sale
Pure n-sweet-seductive
The widow is a twicetold tale,
But thrilling-deep-in
The maids a soldier of the line
A brave but artless yoeman;
The widow gives the countersign,
And takes the sleeping foeman!
o, pretty bread-and-butter Miss,
And read-and-sugar Madam!
There's nothing really new in this;
Your claims date back to Adam;
When Abel died, his weeping bride
The question first gave rise to,
Which Man can never quite decide.
q wonder If he tries to)
From Life.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
TEXT AND SERMON.

II had a little lesson several weeks,
ago." remarked the man with the
gray mustache, "and it called me in
good shape"
Go ahead" said the stout man.
Il was in the garage where keep
my car and happened to overhear a
conversation among the boys. A GER
tain man had been injured while
travelling abroad-very badly injured,
it was reported-and one of the boys
was telling the others about 1t. tn
story in the papers says he can't get
WE'LL the youngster went on. Did
you know him, Pete?' And the boy
addressed promptly replied, Sure, I
knew the old Crouch Say, that hit
me pretty hard. Here was lead
ing citizen dying and all the boy could
remember about him was that he was
a crouch. Yes, sir, it made me sit
up and think hard. And l got in my
mind that when l passed out I'd like
to be remembered for something diff
ferent."
He paused.
That's worth considering" said
the other man.
Good text" said the first man.
Good sermon" said the other
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13

A remarkable college," in which
the bartender, and, in fact, all en-
ployes of hotels, will be given liber-
al educations of the needs of patrons,
is to be erected at South Bend, Ind.
"Intoxication Made Imune' or
Sane Sprees" might be appropriate
titles for some of the text books used
in the bartenders' class. Soon the
man who shoves cocktails across the
bar will present a card with the ini-
tials of a degree after his name.
These probably will be IS B. T."
which the average person might mis-
take for 'some bartender" but
which, in reality, may mean "Bache-
lor of science of toddies."
The establishment of the college
will be one of the most important
subjects to be discussed at the annual
meeting of the American Hotel Pro-
tective Association of the United
States and Canada.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
ANTEMoRTEN REPORTS.

Senator Bailey of Texas was so
fiercely attacked by some of his op-
ponents the last time he was can
didate for reelection that one editor
indulged in a circumstantial forecast
of what would happen to him in the
county election the next day.
He was so specific about my fin
fsh that he reminded me of story"
said the senator. IAN influential citi-
zen in a small town had an attack of
appendicitis. The editor heard the
report and hurriedly made an item
of it which he printed in this fash
ion:
Our esteemed fellow citizen, John
G. Harris, will go to the hospital to-
morrow to be operated upon for the
removal of his appendix by DR., Smith.
He will leave wife and three chill
dren. n.''-Lippincott's
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
THE PATHWAY TO A DREAM.

4.
Every time New Year dawns, take
the forward track,
An yit, for all l look ahead, I'm al
lus lookin' back;
No matter how the sun shines-how
fair the prospects seem,
In pleasant pathways of old years
l wander with a dream.
II.
meet new friends right hearty, an
talk O. times so new;
An the world swings like a picture
in the same old frame o. blue;
An still the kindly sunlight-it twin
kles through Life's tears,
But I'In back yonder with dream
ol unforgotten years.
III.
There l glimpse meadow where
sweet tne spring-winds blow;
The roses-they remember. in gar
den that 1 know;
An so, while time is CROWN gray
old years in beauty beam,
An while I'm faring forward I'm back
there, with a dream!
Frank l.. Stanton.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
BILLS DISPOSITION.

$50 you have got an accident to re-
port, have your" said the head clerk
to the foreman of the works.
Yes, sir" said the foreman, and
after gnawing at his penholder for a
considerable time he handed the clerk
the report. 1t read:
Date: April 16. Nature of acci-
dent: Toe badly crushed. How
caused Accidental blow from fell
low workman's sledge hammer. Re-
marks: -"
Very good" said the cuerk, "but
why have you omitted 'Remarks?' 2 "
"Well, sir" said the foreman, who
was very frank man. seeing as
you know what Bill is, and as you
know it is his big toe that was hurt
I-well, l didn't like to put 'em
down"
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
LARGE COAL MINES.

There are 735 coal mines in the
United States which are producing
more than 100000 short tons of coal
each annually. In 1911. according to
a statement by Edward w. Parker
the coal statistician Of the United
States Geological Survey, 269 bituhi-
nous mines and 1853 anthracite mines
in Pennsylvania produced in excess of
this amount. The average production
of these Pennsylvania bituminous
mines was 321,773 tons and Of the
anthracite mines 444697 tons. The
largest anthracite mine had a pro-
duction of 1,O2O,420 long tons a.
142,870 short tons). The largest BIZ
luminous production from one mine
Ga Pennsylvania operation) was l.
2S5,483 short tons. Thirty anthracite
mines produced over half a million
tons each. Illinois was. second to
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13

anyone else who seeks such informa-
ton. DR.. Kuhn, German authority
asserts that colds are not usually con-
tracted from other persons as has
been believed recently but that a chill
affords to microbes already in the nos
trils, throat or mouth conditions ia
voraHe to their active growth. II
that is true the important thing is
not how to cure cold but how to
keep from getting one. To large
extent a person may have freedom
from colds by avoiding exposure and
by proper care as to eating.
Like oregon. Kansas has a good
agricultural college and it trains young
women as we'll as young
Pendleton men for their places in
Also Sees Ii. the world. Speaking
recently of the instruc-
tion the Manhattan school gives on
the subject of How to become good
wives" the president of the Kansas
college said:
Many girls have been handicapped
at the most crucial period of their
lives through ignorance of household
work To rear a daughter without a
knowledge of cooking and home care
is great injustice to her"
The same idea is being recognized
in Pendleton as one may see by visit
ing the domestic science department
at the high school.
>e%SN~~~
The Oregonian, did not advocate
,curbing the initiative by making it
impossible to submit the same bill
twice in 10 years. 1t said the same
proposal. That sounds like a dis
tinction without difference but
then the Portland paper has a weak
case and is entitled to the benefit of
all possible doubts.
-ONNN
The parcels post increases business
at the post office and it will do the
same with local stores that go after
the business.
This is something like it. Nothing
beats a good thick blanket of snow in
the winter time.
The stockman can now feed out
some of that hay.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
THE UGLY THINGS.

OF all the ugly things designed
To make man look his worst.
We think that you will always find
The ear-muff comes in first.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
OF all the ugly things designed
To make the public holler,
You've noticed, unless you're blind,
It's the imitation fur collar.
indianapolis Star.
OF all the ugly things designed
To give a man a pain.
And make him wish that he was blind
1t is the yellow cane
Seattle st-Intelligencer.-
OF all the ugly things designed
To take the comic prize,
The rubber arctic" comes to mind
The sort built oversize.
Denver Republican.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
IT MADE A DIFFERENCE.

IF l ever get hold of Binks I'll
thrash him so that his mother
wouldn't recognize him."
Whats the matter?"
He's been slandering me. He
says that 1 beat him out of So in a
poker game"
Not at all. 1 heard the remark
myself"
What did he say?"
"He said that you beat him out OF
$4,000 in a wheat deal"
"Oh, WELL then, 1 suppose it is all
right. 1 hardly thought he was the
kind of a man to go around telling
stories that reflected on my charac-
ter. Life.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
A USE FOR CHEWING GUM.

Who hasn't had difficulty in dis
lodging a cinder from the eye Some
times one can succeed with a corner
of handkerchief. but frequently the
cinder is too deeply imbedded to be
got out in that way. 1t would be
hard to find more sticy substance
than chewing gum. The next time
you see anyone with a cinder in his
eye, just chew a piece of gum till il
becomes soft and plant, twist 1t to
fine point and you will find as soon
as you touch the cinder with it, out
the cinder will come.-Leslie's.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
A TREND OF THE TIMES.

Ex-Governor Pennypacked, discuss
ing the divorce evil in Philadelphia
said, with a smile:
I'm these times one never, as the
saying goes, knows where one is at.
An acquaintance of mine extended his
hand to me at the Historical society
the other day and cried:
Conratulate me! I'm the hap
piest man alive!'
sI looked at him doubtfully.
Engaged married or divorced? 2
| asked.-New York Tribune.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
HOW WISE SOME TEACHERS ARE

To the question given at the state
teachers examination recently, Men
tion two ways in which tides are of
Importance along the coast" the ma
jority of replies indicated belief that
tides are chiefly valuable for sup
plying motor power to becalmed sail
ing craft.
THE tide regulates the coming in
and going out of sailing vessels" one
wrote. "The fishing industry is de-
pendent upon the tides for their sup
ply, as fish are carried up and down
stream by the tides
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13

The last election ballot in oregon
carried a total OF forty-one initiative
and referendum measures. They were
forty-one protests against the short
cominss of past legislatures in this
state.
They are forty-one reasons why
the coming assembly should proceed
to carry out this program of progress
as means of restoring public conf
dence in the legislative body and les
sening the use and abuse of the ini-
tiatiVe.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
WHY ENUNCIATE?

"what language is the leading la.
dy singing?"
French, isn't it?'
mo, can understand French and
it isn't that"
italian, perhaps"
'Tt sounds more like Spanish, or
possibly, Portuguese"
"Yonder is Mr.. Flanahan, the IA
nous critic. Let us ask him."
They questioned Mr.. Flanahan, and
he smiled grimly.
THE lady is singing in English ;
he said.-Newark News.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
ONE CALL FOR TWO.

Mayor Woodruff of Peoria was
sympathizing with reformed char
acter, who, as soon as his reforma-
tion became known, was harrassed by
a band of old creditors.
"One calls for two" said Mayor
Woodruff with smile. "Our friend
must not only reform himself-he
must now pitch in and earn a lot of
money for his old creditors as well.
IT'S actually like the Persian die
tum on punctuality-
BE punctual, and, inasmuch as
none are punctual, learn to be patient
also"
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
DAY OF THE JAG" is DOOMED

Chicago Inter Ocean: The day OF
the scientific bartender is not far
distant. Ye who "look upon the wine
when 1t is red' and look too long may
soon find it impossible to transgress
the laws of thirst discretion. The
advanced dispenser of the suds."
with his superior knowledge of CON
stitutions and how much they can
stand" and Of the exact effect of each
drop of liquid poured into an entic-
ing; mixture. will see to it that there
can be no III effects. - $3.50 '"a =
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13

Pennsylvania in large minues, having
sS mines which produced more than
100000 tons; West Virginia was
third. with SO; and Ohio fourth, with
SS The total production of these
1876 first-class mines was 253,459,-
6S9 tons or 51.7 per cent of the total
production of the country.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13

Tides are of Importance along the
coast" another wrote, because they
bring the ships farther inland than
they could otherwise come there
fore aiding commerce. Also OF i'm
portance to bathers and fishers
Spokane Spokesman Review.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
~~O$N~

For the legislature which convenes
today excellent advice is contained in
the editorial by the
The Surest Road Portland Journal
To Reform. reproduced upon
this page. The East
Oregonian especially approves of the
suggestion that the legislature endeav-
or TO increase its own efficiency so
that it may handle legislation more
ably and increase the regard in which
it is held by the people.
By such a course as this may the
legislature work most effectively to
curb overuse of the initiative and
referendum. The fact there were over
40 legislative measures on the ball ot
November 5, furnished positive evil
dence the people lacked faith in the
legislature. There is further evidence
to the same effect. 1t is found in the
estimate the average citizen places on
the legislature. The average man re-
CARDS the legislature as a slip shod
affair striving to thresh out a vast
pile of bills in very short time. The
average man knows that logrolling
and petty political pickering enter
strongly into the proceedings of the
lot 10 ;Y,F
are often at work for or against
measures and have effect even though
such influences do not represent the
will of the people or their welfare.
Such things cause men to lose conf
dence in the lawmakers. The present
legislature can do much to right this
situation. The members now at Salem
can if they will increase the prestige
of the legislature and bring it up to
the plane it should occupy in the pub
lie thought. They can do that by act
ing along broad lines rather than al
ong small lines, by thinking of prin.
ciple rather than of petty personal
politics, by refusing to indulge in log
rolling and by demanding that such
legislation as is enacted shall go
through strictly upon its merits
They should stop laughing at MEM
bers who take their positions serious
ly and vote their convictions even
though the bunch" does differently
Those who favor short ballot and
want to see the initiative used less
frequently will urge the legislature to
assert itself. II is the surest way to
improvement. Nothing can be done
by tinkering with the initiative. The
various schemes proposed are nos
trums that would prove worse than
the disease II taken. Most of the de-
mand for reform Of the initiative
comes from standpat quarters-from
people who do not believe at all in
direct legislation and would like to
see the initiative quietly tapped on
the head and put to sleep. They
would not care what the medicine
did-if they could just get the people
TO take it.
With snow falling and the thermo-
meter in eastern Oregon falling low
at times one Of the biggest
Colds. questions of the hour is how
to avoid taking cold or how
To cure a cold when Nnn get one
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13

With snow falling and the thermo-
meter in eastern Oregon falling low
at times one Of the biggest
Colds. questions of the hour is how
to avoid taking cold or how
to cure a cold when you get one
Mark Twain found all sorts Of advice
as to how to treat a cold. So can
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
. ~<<<<><~ ~<>><~~~ 4
A LOVE SONG.


, Sweetheart, there is no splendor 4
In all Gods splendid skies,
Bright as the lovelight tender I
Which dwells in your bright 4
eyes.
II. 4
Sweetheart, there are no blisses 4
Like those your lips distill;
OF all the worlds sweet kisses 4
Your kiss is sweetest still! I
Ill
Sweetheart. There is no glory, I
Which cluster round my life ,
Bright as this bright, sweet 4
story:
, MY sweetheart and my wife" I
Frank L. Stanton. I
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13
Borrowed Hair

"Maybelle, your girl friend has
beautiful hair"
1T will pass, Tom"
why do you girls hate to admit
that another girl has fine points,"
1T wouldn't be becoming in this
case to appear too enthusiastic.
loaned her that hair."-Detroit Free
Press
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1913-01-13

Perhaps a mollycoddle Is. a male
manicure artist.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1913-07-19

Mayor Harrison voiced the senti.
ment Of the people Of Chicago on the
awful street car service.
In his annual message to the city
council the mayor denounced condi.
lions - uncomfortable, insanitary,
and immoral"
He charged that the city's over.
crowded cars are IAN offense against
decency, danger to health, and an
affront to the intelligence Of good cit
izenship."
This Indictment" he said, ''lies
against both surface and elevated
lines. The almost staggering total Of
the city's share Of the net receipts Of
the surface lines for 1912-92,520, 033-
considered in connection with the con.
ditions which thousands Of patrons
are daily forced to endure, affords con.
vincing proof that health, comfort,
and even decency itself are sacrificed
to the Unsuitable rapacity Of the cash
drawer.
"There should be some recognition
OF the rights Of the public. there
should be Q little common sense, .
touch Of generosity and q bit Of hui.
man feeling. II you will. on the part
Of the corporation managers"
The Chicago Railways Company 10
giving the public the worst possible
traction service. City Traction Ex.
pert Buckley has made formal COM
.s.a~A - A. >-N..e ~n~,,en> ~SS,ns, thn
public BY this concern.
In his report he summarizes con.
ditions on some Of the lines % fol.
lows:
Clark Street Line-Through route
cars only: north and south bound cars
crowded far beyond capacity between
1850 Q. m. and 500 p. n.
North Avenue-10:39 Q. n. to 1850.
cars with . capacity to carry forty
carrying from forty.three to sixty pas
1engers.
Madison Street far beyond
capacity when many more cars could
be run. Ventilation poor; cars well
heated.
Kedsie Avenue-Throush route No
II, cars operating twelve minutes
apart and crowded.
Halsted etreet-Fifty.sisht to nine
y passengers 1880 to 1854 Q. n
Not enough cars at other times.
Milwaukee Avenue Line - Over
crowding because not enough carl
are run.
Chicago Avenue Line--Forty.fve q
sixtyynve passengers clinginS q
straps or,herded on platforms In cars
beside forty In seats. s:26 70 II .. n
and 1850 70 1880 p. n.
Lake Street Lino-Long intervall
between cars: eighty.nve TO 40 pas
ssngers crowded into them In middle
forenoon. midafternoon and evening
Conditions bad ct all hours.
Grand Avenue Line-Forty passen
gers seated; forty.hve to sixty stand
Ing, some holding 70 straps. $50 q
n. 70 $3.50 p. n.
Twelfth Street Line-Long inter
walls between cars; nifty 70 sixty pas