The Topeka state journal., 1913-04-11
AN EGYPTIAN RECIPE.
nv M. QUAD


things might have been different.
Whel he told her that he loved her
John. I know you to be a good
man, but 1 can't say yes
TN get you hired girl"
you shall have a op-buggy to ride
to town in"
wen have lace curtains and a
Brussels carpet"
Nope"
trip :,
but what is it. Mary?"
"You are baldheaded and have no
whiskers."
But / love you.''
THAT can't make up for it. I re-
peat that you are a good man, but
when 1 think what would have to sit
mere evening after evening and stare
at your shiny poll, it is too much.''
There are wigs replied John.
YES and there are glass eyes and
false teeth
II thought if a man loved
But there are the whiskers or the
.ack of them. No man can look digni-
fed without 'em. Your character is
all that a woman could ask for, but
where is the hair? Where the whis-
xers?
John Stone turned away in chagrin
and despair, and there was no sleep for
MIN IOT Ine next three nlRnIS. he
was still in the dumps when a tin
peddler came along and invited him to
open his heart. He cid SO. He related
all without reserve. Just as all men do
in like cases. He removed his hat to
show his badness. He ran his hand
over his face to call attention to it's
Labelike smoothness.
Say, John, it was mean CT the wild
DER" said the peddler when he had
listened to all.
Yes, kinder"
Kinder. Why. man. she has wreck
ed your life
''of course she has. You can never
again trust one of her sex. Yes. you are
a strong man wrecked in your prime"
by golly!'
That is. unless you do as tell you to-
You want to turn around and wreck the
widow. It's what they call boomerang"
But how can L do it?'' asked John
First of all, get mad at her Say to
yourself that you don't care durn TO-
well, I'm feeling that way. She can
go to Texasr'
Bully for you! Now then. you know
that we peddlers take all kinds of things
in trade. The other day 1 raked in an
Egyptian mummy for four dollars worth
of milk-pans. You know what a mummy
Some one that's been dead a thousand
years.
chap who was planted 1000 years ago.
When l ripped him open to see if there
was any Standard Oil certificates of de-
posit in his stomach l found this paper"
BY George gasped John.
1t is writ in Egyptian but I can read
it right off. It's a recipe for making hair
grow on bald heads"
You don't sayi"
And for forcing wf1iskers to grow on
the smoothest face. 1t says that one
months use of it will grow side-whiskers
on a boy of TO-
You can't mean it
You can have the preparation put Up
a drrYa CT ~ her-
in month what happens? Why you
have luxur1ant crop of curly hair or
your bald head and chin-whiskers that
fall down to your waist and are blown
to port and starboard by the breez4s.
You walk up and down the road in front
OF the widows house. From the window
the mistake of her life. She calls to you
to admit that she was in the wrong and
mat you can bring the preacher as soon
as you please. but you wave her aside
And what?'
And you wave her ASIDE and go alory !
10 the Widder Stevens and propose mar
rage to her and hustle things along. She
dotes on curly hair and chin-whiSkerS
and will say yes at once"
BY George, but it will be greati''
1t will for sure"
And you'll do this out of the goodness
OF your heart?'
II do it for one-half goodness and the
other half cash. The cash half is $2j.
Ihose chin whiskers alone are worth s1o0
to any living man.
unless he can see a return for it. Farmer
stone asked for a week to consider the
matter, and then closed the deal. 1t
wasn't humanely possible for a bald-head-
ed, whiskerless man to hold out The
formula was copied off for him. and he
deposited 1T in safe place until he could
spare day to go to the village. That
day never came. He was killed by acci-
dent in his own field.
Then came an interval of seven years.
curing which time nothing was said in
his late community about baldheaded
men One day stranger appeared who
Stone had the Egyptian recipe, and he
offered IS for it. One of the widower's
heirs found it in an old trunk, and took
the money.
The next heard of the recipe was by
advertisement. A coffee and tea house, in
stead of giving out trading stamps, ad-
vertised to grow hair and whiskers for
the buyer of every pound of tea or coffee.
to herald the news by word of mouth, and
the highways were plastered with post
ers, and the weekly papers reaped whole
pages of advertising. The campaign was
brief, but vigorous.
All those who got the recipes were di-
rected to certain druggist to have them
filled. The druggist was a hustler, and
sent the stuff away by the scores and
hundreds of bottles, and made 400 per
cent profits. At the end of 10 or II weeks
there were 600 baldheadS in one county
alone. and the number of burned and
bistered chins and cheeks was a full
The headstone marking John Stones
grave was rather Stingy affair. After
the exposure it was replaced by a better
one, and the obituary was added to as
follows:
He had neither hair nor whiskers but
he was a lucky manr"-(Copyright 1912, by
McClure's Newspaper Syndicate.)
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