davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
GLOSE SIGHTS
BY THE ATCHIsoN GLOBE.

There are many smart men in the
world, including those who can under
stand bank statements.
A man who is never in a hurry seems
10 accomplish about as much as the rest
of us who rush around.
If man keeps the house from getting
away while his family is gone, he believes
he is some housekeeper.
Does it ever occur to the writer OF cir
cular letters that the waste baskets OF
this fair land are already overtaxed?
A a circus not all the freaks are in the
side shows. A number of them are scat
tered throughout the audience.
So many brides have been deserving
their husbands here of late it is naturally
concluded that Marriage is a Menace
1t is possible for a school teacher to
know more than lawyer. but she has
more difficulty cashing her Information.
1t is easy enough to fish without fish
but there should be water. P. Sour
neishbor also insists that something
stronger is equally necessary.
Feathered chickens that are permitted
to run at large bring much sorrow to
the World Some of the Other Kind
Don't try to stop the electric fan with
NOlIr finger
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.
[From the Philadelphia Record. I

IFrom the Philadelphia Record
a promising future is almost as hard to
catch up with as our good intentions.
Many a man is on his uppers who
couldn't stand on his head to save his life
After all. the fellow who curses his luck
is better off than the fellow who never
had any.
Many of us reach the door to success
but it isn't every fellow who can find the
keyhole.
Even when they begin at the bottom of
the ladder some fellows are afraid the
bottom will fall out
In politics it isn't the fellow with a fam
lily tree who counts SO much a the fellow
who takes the stump
The novelty of falling in love soon pals
on the people who have done too much
practicing on themselves.
DO it yourself. quoted the Wise Guy.
Yes don't let others make a fool of
you" added the Simple Mug.
Hoax-''Words are curious things. 4
thing may be swell and still not be con-
sidered fashionable" Joax-.'Yes; mumps,
for instance.
Blobbs-''Have you ever noticed that a
fellow generally adnlires a clever girl,
even If she is plain?'' Slobbs-"Yes, and
have also noticed that the same fellow
generally marries a silly one, if she is
pretty
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
YOIRE A CROOK

When your business is successful and the
men are all well paid,
And they're all working overtime to keep
up with the trade,
And the workingmen are happy and their
families we'll,
And everything is prosperous, as anyone
can tell,
You're a Crook. BY Jove: You're a
Crook
If your dividends are goodly, in proportion
to the wage.
And things are going as they should, in
this most advanced age,
And efforts been rewarded, and you re
doing right well,
And nothing seems to be in sight to break
upon the spell,
You're a Crook! BY Jove! You're a
Crook,
When after years of labor you have got
things going right,
And finally at last you find, you We Won
the awful fight,
And YOU turn to greet your old age with
feeling quite secure,
And view your life work with sense OF
satisfaction pure,
You're a Crook! BY Jove! You're a
Crook,
wonder what incentive an ambitious
man can find,
To put forth his best efforts, IN a me Oh
daily grind.
When at last when it is over and success
has crowned it all,
He hears the down and outer, in his
rnonotonous call,
You're a Crook! By Jove. You're
Crook! ~
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
BY The WAY
BY HARVEY PARSONS.

Mr.. Porter commissioner of parks.
is sad. almost sad unto tears, because
he has been criticized concerning the
. decease of some of the park animals
He hastenS to explain, diagnosing eacn
demise: bear died of delicious TRAN
giles, buffalo of heebee-jeebees, ct Get
era, ct cetera, through the long list.
But Mr.. Porter, in his wild anguish
over the criticism, falls into error. The
dear pee-pul do not charge him with
poisoning the animals, or even swat
ting them with yard OF gas pipe.
Hence the post morteInS are super
f1uous. What the dear people are do
ing to Mr.. Porter is no inore-and not
so much, as has been done to others
1t may be remembered that when
Hon. Stotts was park commissioner,
one ancient. spawned, moth-eaten buff
falo died Of paresis, gun shot wounds
and general debility. Whereupon u
portion of the dear pee-pul jumped on
Stotts with both feet. At that time.
Mr.. Porter did not worry about post
mortems. Not worry. He Joined in
the gladstone game and profited there
by to the extent of adding a few votes
TO his collection. OF course Stotts was
responsible for the death of the vet
eran buffalo,; of course Mr.. Porter
is not responsible for the death of the
buffalo, bear, kangaroo deer and
numerous other Varmints which have
been parties of the first part to re-
cent park funerals. But it is our pre-
d1cuon that, come next election, some
other gentleman will pull the park
death-list on Mr.. Porter and under
take to ''tromp'' him into the discard.
As We understand it. the difference
between a cook and a chef is that the
chef can cut a pound of eats into twice
as many orders as can a cook.
Huerta is headed the right way. The
school-girlish trait of writing numer-
Gus notes instead of memorizing les
sons. leads to a reckoning with Dear
Teacher.
There is something soothing. heal
ing. about the atmosphere of our be-
yootifuI little city. When Bob Smith
came home on his vacation he carried
a cane. His recovery was so rapid that
the cane got but one trip down town
If the invasion of Mexico becomes
necessary, the government, by a little
experiment, could determine the size
of army to use by seeing how many
Santa Fee section hands a red-headed
foreman can whip with a number .
shovel. A careful estimate of the Mex
lean forces and a little figuring would
then enable the government to send
an army just the right size, and save
needless transportation of surplus SOL
diers.
We never miss chance to point out
the evils of tobacco. Pipe yester-
days story of the ancient New York
gentleman whose demise is traceable
to his attempt to smoke cigar and
sleep at one and the same time.
The Missouri youth who shot his
best girl instead of the admirer he OBJ
Jected to, did so, no doubt. on the the
DRY that by shooting her he could end
the trouble, but by shooting the other
admirer he would be simply establish
ing job that would have to be re-
peated every few days
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
IFrom the Chicago News.1

Lazy people usually have busy tongues.
No. Cordelia, not all tailors are subject
to fits.
He is truly a brave physician who takes
his own medicine.
Pure food laws not responsible for
unadulterated nerve.
Most excuses are so thin that blind people
can see through them.
A Girl with dirnples will laugh at every
fool thing man says.
And many a young man looks upon a
dollar saved a good time lost.
Fine feathers do not make fine birds
but many mans clothes make him look
like jay
1t is difficult for any man to overlook
the woman who has all the hair she wants
piled on her head.
If a girl is in love with a young man in
her home town she is afraid to remain
away long when she has occasion to visit
friends in another town.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

of stout folk who wear baggy trousers
and wooden shoes. Many of US, how
ever, have to learn, and"a great many
more to be reminded of the fact that
so we'll has the little Dutch nation
managed its affairs that in addition
to taking care of its home govern
ment, it holds the reins over a vast
empire of 100000 Orientals, and, at
the same time, keeps abreast of the
commercial, industrial, educational
and artistic world of civilization.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
JOURNAL ENTRIES

What has become of the old-fash-
toned things known as rain clouds ?
= =
\ good listener is sure to be popu-
lar with his acquaintance.
= =
Politeness has a painful effect on
others when it il overdone.
+ = =
No one wakes enthusiastic over
having to make the best of a bad bar
gain.
:. :, +
About all some vacationists bring
home with them ave weits and bumps
raised by bites of savage insects.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Apparently President Wilson is be-
coming as much of an optimist as Sec
rotary Bryan who. according to Col
onel Henry Watterson. is an easy mark
for any man with gold brick to sell
He hopes congress will adjourn oct.
at the latest
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State journal
away from home during the summer
may have the paper mailed regularly
each day TO any address at the rate
OF ten cents week or thirty cents
u month (bS mail only. Address
changed rs often as desired. While
out of town The state journal Will De
To YOU like a daily letter from nome
Advance payment il requested on
these short time subscriptions, TO save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
His Morning DUTY.

Ministerial duties and increasing
dignity have not robbed a certain min
lister of his cherished boyhood ac-
complishment of making fritters. He
frequently exercises this skill at
breakfast time, much to the delight Of
the younger members of the family.
Edith. the 4-year-old daughter. re-
Gently took tea with a member of the
congregation. After the silent grace
the little one, licking at her unmar-
ried hostess. remarked with pity:
You don't have any one to pray
for you, do you?"
Said one of the ladies present, smil-
ing:
Il suppose your papa prays for you
three times a day
''Oh, no. he doesn't was the inno-
cent and earnest answer. He fries in
the morning and prays in the after
noon,"-Philadelphia Public Ledger
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
TELEPHONES.
Full. LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF TIE ASSOCIATED PKESS

The state Journal is a member % the
Associated Press and receives the fuli day
telegraph report os that great news IL
Eanization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news IS received in The state 10 -
nal building over wires for this sole pIr-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Andrew Carnegie's palace of peace,
erected at The Hague at cost of
81. 800. 900, has ust been dedicated. But
unless there is a sudden change of sem
timent and temper among the nations
of the earth it will be about as useful
as a garage would be TO man who
doesn't own an automobile.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Presumably when the house of gov
errors holds its convention next year,
the wives of the executives will make
IT a point to accompany them. At
their recent conclave in Colorado. they
voted informally. after witnessing an
exhibition of il. that the tango is not
such a naughty dance. In fact, they
found il very interesting.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
HUAOR or THE DRY

kitty-"Oh, Ethel, Jack has finally nro.
posed. l knew he would" Ethel-3Why
you salo that you thought he had no IN,
Lennon Whatever of proposing Kitty
w en' he didn't ave."-Boston TranscTipt
ne man dat don't trust anybody" said
Uncle Eben, lis mighty Iial1Ie ~ .; -s.iu
out moral responsibilities in way darn
prevent anybody fun trlstin' him ;,
Washington Star A-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Among the eminently recommended
reducers OF the high cost of living. the
English sparrow must now make room
for the mountain lion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Professor Marvin, the new head of
the weather bureau. is from Ohio. But
that doesn't account for what he has
been giving Kansas and Nebraska.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Satan may be able to quote the Scrip
lures in a cri is, says the Washington
Post. but Tammany's new platform of
righteousness makes that sable old
gentleman look like a piker.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Although it was a Democratic legis-
lature which passed the act and Il
Democratic governor who signed it
Colonel Roosevelt insists that Bull
Moosers are entitled to the credit for
the extension of suffrage to the women
of Illinois
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

OF course. New orleans is properly
Indignant over the refusal of those
European countries to take part in the
san Francisco exposition.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

In one particular. at least. senator
Bristow's progressiveness is akin to
the stride of a snail. He bewails the
mad haste with which the tariff bill
is being rushed through congress.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Very likely the high government Off
cials suspected of betting on the races
were unable either to live on their sal
aries or to lecture.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Coal oil may be an effective antidote
for snake bite. But its taste precludes
the possibility of it becoming popular
and supplanting the well known and
old fashioned remedy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

New York lawyers should cheer up.
The Thaw meal ticket is not likely to
remain in the hands of the Canadian
bar very long.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

For twelve long years" roared Spar
tacuS, Il have met every form of man or
beast the broad empire of Rome could
furnish. The Numidian lion 4 Voice
How about the Welsh rabbit?'' (Cheers
and cat-calls and much confusion in the
rear of the arena. PUCK
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

a $4,000 diamond brooch at every bali
there's some reason for going to balls
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

There is a lull in the Thaw case. anC
long-suffering public hopes that i
viii soon be made permanent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Birds of a feather. etc. Governor
Blease has rushed to the defense of
Mr.. Sulzer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Colonel MulhaITs attention should be
called to the maxim urging those who
live in stone houses not to throw glass.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

San Francisco has fixed thirty-five
years rs the age limit for it's women
police That makes every woman eli
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Another young man has died from
an injury sustained while playing ball
Abolish football. by all means.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

New York doesn't know who it
governor is. hut it has no trouble il
recognizing its boss.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30

Senator TiIlman needs longer han
die for his pitchfork. Norway has jus
appointed it's first woman judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-30
FROM OTHER PENS

NO INTERNATIONAL BIG STICK
The most interesting feature of last
weeks twentieth universal peace con-
gress at The Hague was the practical
rejection of the proposal for creating
a supernatural police force to inn
pose peace, fulfilment of treaties ana
other conditions upon recalcitrant
states. 1t was put forward with
much ability by MIR. van NollenhoVen.
q Dutch delegate, but the president of
the congress himself strongly OPP
posed it. the American and British
delegates generally took the same side
and it was laid upon the shelf, for
I consideration in some future year
This we believe to have been wise,
though it might have been wiser to
reject the scheme outright. There can
be little doubt that the most thought
full and enlightened sentiment of the
world is against the establishment of
a system which at its best would i'm
pair national sovereignty and which
at it's by no means impossible worst
would be an agency of monstrous in
justice and oppression. The moral re-
spOnSibility of welding such an in
ternational big stick would be
great that all nations might well
shrink from it, while there would be
little less than a certainty of dissat-
iSfactiOn with and If possible resist
ance to its operations. The truer plan
is to maintain equal sovereignty of ma
7
and popularity, to a higher plane. on
which they will instinctively seek
peace instead of war and will as "a
matter of course observe scrupulously
, their international obligations, even
though it be to their own loss An
attempt to inculcate peace by forciblv
violating patriotism would be fore
doomed to failUre.-New York Trib-
une.
o
THOSE AWFUL DRESSES
They are studying the influence of
styles in woman's dress in Wisconsin
and reporting conclusions that are con-
fus1ng. police judge of Milwaukee
declares that if the influence of certain
styles that have been much discussed
is bad the evil is in the brain. 1T de-
ponds upon the mind of the man who
rubbernecks whether a certain dress is
shocking not" On the other hand
the chief of police of Madison is quoted
as follows: Thin dresses and slit
skirts and other outlandish dresses
that would have led to arrest ten or
fifteen years ago are causes of white
slavery" In one case man is held re-
sponsible. in the other the dress. 1t is
proof of the Astounding chivalry OF the
time that woman is entirely exculpat-
ed. But passing that question up
there is something still to be said ON
the subject of the shock We should
suppose that a rubberneck would be in
capable of the shock that the truly
modest feel. and we know that tbere
are men in whom the shock has moth
ing of the moral quality. They have
touches of the aesthetic sense. ana
some of the freak costumes thar are
worn are so ugly that even the casual
observer is moved to avert his gaze ana
run. They would stop a clock or any
other piece of fixed machinery thai
couldn't get away.-Chicago Pecord-
Herald
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1913-07-02

ton of this prosperous state Will
soon be counted amongst the great
dairy districts of the United States.
Old Shacksia Thing Of Past.
With such surroundings, as Wells
county offers it is no wonder that
T%essenden has developed into n OF
the coming cities Of the state. Since
the completion of the 500 through
this thriving commonwealth in 1872
few communities has witnessed such
a prosperous development. The city
has changed from a pine shack town
into one of stately business-like-look.
ing brick blocks with great plate
glass windows replacing those that
Use to line the small crowded stores
of yesterday. The Conner Hotel, a
first class home for the travellers, with
the other large brick blocks add to
the atmosphere of a ten thousand
populated eastern city to this capital
of Wells county.
Plenty Of Bouquets.
The inhabitants of new counties
forget the little things that were con-
sidered part of their daily life in..the
settled east when they become part
of this great broad expanding, west.
one Of the first things that they re.
call when they regain their balance
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1913-07-02

is that pretty vase of roses that used
to set on the center Of mothers table,
but where are they going to get those
daily bouquets that the flower man use
to bring every morning. The people
of Fessenden don't have to look far,
within their midst is one Of the finest
greenhouses to be found in Inc state.
Mr.. R. Oleson, the florist and land
scape gardener, who has charge OF
this palace of roses can supply them
with anything in cut flowers or floral
design at very short notice. Mr.. Ole.
son also supervises the children's
work in the large school garden which
this city designs in honor of the Soc
railroad each year. Fessenden Is
proud OF the 500 and this garden and
the establishment that cares for it.
Here are the men who make this
city, and the business which they
operate. Meet them through the Tri
bune, and know them as your friends.
The first question asked by the
stranger or the prospector or locator,
on arriving in a town or city is: How
many banking institutions have you
liClC. ~ lAC COiHl1ulAIs ouPPoA
three banks, the citizen or property
holder, If he has the welfare OF his
town at heart, will answer and be
proud to say, "We have three of the
best institutions in the country" and
will feel proud to impart. the informa.
tion to the prospective settler. a
few years ago banking was practical.
ly left to the so.called rich, today the
millionaire and his washerwoman
may stand in line with their deposit
books, the former with dollars anl
the latter with dimes, both books be-
ing marked with the exact amount Of
money deposited, and accorded the
sane courtesy, and a pleasant Thank
you."
Habits o. THRIFT the Cause.
The habit of saving in the last
generation has made it possible for
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1913-07-02

our banking institutions of the Unit
ed States to- develop property OF eV-
cry description, from the small CITY
rental to the large corporations that
employ thousands bof men, bread win
ners, home enaxefs, men with sturdy
offspring to give a modern and prac'
tical education, an opportunity for al
yancemcnt in whatever vocation they
wish to follow, perfecting themselves
into masters of their craft. TodaT
we visit the public school and view
with satisfaction the change from yes.
terday to today. We find the child OF
today clean and neat with a suit or
frock good enough for Sunday school.
Why the change from yesterday!
When the overall, the little suit, or
apron that was not good enough Tor
Sunday was good enough for school.
We can only answer the question IN
one way, Thrift taught by the
great banking institutions of IL land
that have accepted the small earnings
of the day wage Garner, the washer.
! woman the salaried man, and the DC
! adage, "a dollar saved is a dollar
earned"
Oldest Bank in County.
The Wells County State Bank, the
oldest bank in the county. has. re
sources of $23S,175.24. The manage.
ment OF this institution aims to 40
everything for their customers, and
earnestly invites you to open an &C.
count. They have safety deposit DoX'
es for rent in their new and modern
safety deposit vault. The officers OF
this bank are as follows: e.. L.
Beiseker, president; c. A. Beisiker,
vice president; u. NJ. Thompson,
cashier. The officers constitute the
directors and men of years OF banking
experience.
One Of the Strongest.
The Farmers Bank of Fessenden is
one of the strongest banks in the
county having resources amounting
to s129,397.31. The officers of this
bank aim to give each customer
courteous and intelligent service.
remember that it is the desire
of this bank TO always conduct us
business in the best interests OF those
it serves. The officers Of this bank
are men, that follow the most string
ent banking rules, extending a vel
come to the small depositor the same
as the large. %. F. Volkmann, CASH
ier, was formerly with The Welis
County Bank, leaving there in 1909
to open the present institution. which
has advanced rapidly through the