The daily Alaskan., 1913-06-05
A Punster
 Punished
ByE A. MTGIEL

] ! tunes Itlsa misfortune to be dump ! cd Into an ocean from a steamer Ieay. | Ing you at the rate of twenty knots an 1 bour. but you aro very soon either saved or your troubles are ended. ) suner under a misfortune that began ! with my birth, was added to at my baptism and has been endured ever
 gncc. My fathers name was John ! Darling. If he had named me John
 for himself one-haIf my utc's suner- mes would have been avoided. but my
 mothers family name was Rosedolc, and was given that surname. pre-. sume l should remember my parents with reverence and affection As for ! One latter SO do. but how can one revere a pair Of ntellects which even combined were too stupid not Co fore,
 see that l, as boy and man. would be Rose Darling?
 The trouble began when ] drst went
 Co school. lhc boys suggesting that | ] bc cIasscd wiJh the girls When grew older and joined a musical club was asked lf ] sang soprano or conralto. | I was called Rosie Deur, Darling Rose Indeed. every play upou my name that could be Invented.
 ForcsceIug thgt a manly part in lie
 was needed to help me Go throw on | this suggestion or eGeminucy, | deter mined Co become a soldier. ! applied
 to Che congressman of my district He
 told me tbar he had given out his appointments. but saw from the amused expression on hif face that be would not think Of recommending a
 boy with such name walked away
 Co tbu nearest recruiting station and enlisted
 | knew what | had Go expect from my comrades. and was not disup. | pointed wus soon given the soubri, uuut ur sweetheart" and. eyueps of. ulnlly. was never called anything else ! bore It sru.ruIly When addressed as
 "SwprtHruu" or "EosIe Dear" dId moi complain taking it Us matter 0i course ghut s, pretending to do SO ! though every time was Jhus address ed It was 'ikc a stab
 ] resolved to be the best soldier in my company and was Notwitl standing my Incubus wUs promoted | Co be corporal, then sergeant and final | Iy orderly sergeant When ] reached ! the highest uoucommIssInued office in my company secured am advantage ! It euubIed me when on duty to compel 1 the men to address me by my right name ] permitted them to cull me what they liked uuomc.gIIy, but Che moment one of them did SO upon any official occasion ] brought bim up with
 a round uru This gradually killed ] thc habit
 My service iu Che ranks was during ! the last Indian troubles and In fight l that occurred ln attempting to drive a tribe of redskins back on to their rea ervutiou |. prefcrrlng to die rather than not gain something by which to baI. auce Che disadvantage Of the name un. der which ] lived. fought regardless Of danger The result was that when we got bacE Co the fort the colonel commanding sent for me, compliment
 ed me and told me that he had recom- mpuded me for commission He knew me gs Sergeant Darling. Darling ! by Itself Is not very bad name, and ]
 hoped that when ] came to associate with Che commissioned officers should gain respite would bo Mr. Oar ling. and when ! came to Che next grade above would be Captain Oar. Ing. Then would get rid Of the Rosie Dear" and ull that
 But was doomed to disappointment 1 found that che higher ! rose the more ambitious were my associates Ambl, ton takes many forms. The ambition
 Of Che stupldcst persons seems to be to crack a joke. And tue slupider he person Che more reliant hc Is upon an opportunity. When a few weeks later l the colonel sent for me to hand me my commission ! found him looking at the parchment with a smile lowering about his lips With a twinkle In his eye be said half muslnEly.
 "RoscdaIe Darling. Rose Darling ua hal Mr. Rose Darling, | am pleased ! to greet you among the commissioned
 officers of the army. | dare say you ! win be very dear Co the ladies of the | garrison"
 "Thonb you. colonel" ! said, forcing
 a smile That's a very good pun of
 yours. How did you happen to think
 Of Itg"
 "Oh, lts in Che nam8-Rosc Darling, l Darling Rose, Rose Dear, seG|
 "Upon my word." ] replied my foco l lighting up with assumed surprise and admiration Excellent! ] wonder no one ever thought of It bcfore'
 ! Haven't heyE His own face re.
 fecung the pleasure in mine 'Wel, l | suppose it's my sense Of humor"
 Then and there ] resolved that
 would mako a bold stroke for revenge l upon him for induDging ln that humor | h0d often seen a pretty girl of sev-
 enteen at guard mounting or dress
 parade whom had been told was the
 coloueps daughter. laid siege to her l hnnrf and after n struggle won her,