The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-07-02
ABatch of Smiles

ABatch of Smiles
4 thought mat in the fifteen years
n my practice II meiicine." said a
physician. Il had answered almost
every possible fool question: hut a
rev one was sprung on me recently.
y young man came in with an in
famed eye. for which l prescribed
m~edlcine-to he dropped into the eye
three times a day. He left the office
nut returned in a few minutes, poked
mis- head in the doorway. and asked:
Shall ! drop this in the eye before
meals or after?'-Everybody's Maya
zine.
Pat vas Y e in England working
With MS coat off. There we're two
Enslishmen laboring in the same
store. SO they decided to have a Joke
with the Irishman.
They painted a donkey's head on
the back OF Pats coat and watched
20 see him put il on. Pat, of course.
saw the donkey's head on his coat,
and, turning tn the Englishmen. said:
Which OF you wiped your face in
my coat?'
A. a London dinner recently the
conversation turned % the various
methods of working employed by
literary %geniuses. Among the exam
pies cited was that of a we'll known
poet, who, it was said, was wont to
arouse his wife about 4 o'clock in the
morning and eXclaim: Maria, ge.
up; I've thought of a good word"
Whereupon the poets obedient help
m q --nt,yS - nj -,,, sc h15 80
make a note of the thought-of word.
About a hour later, as like as not,
a new Inspiration would seize the
bard. W~hereupon he would again
o u his wife. saying: Maria.
Maria; get up. I've thought of a bet
ter word"
The company in general listened 10
the story with admiration. but a
merrE-eyed American girl remarked:
Well, If he'd been my husband I
should have replied: 'Alpheus, get up
yourself: I've thought of a bad word"
1t was the usual custom at Sea-
weed Farm for Mrs. Giles 10 wind up
all the clocks each Saturday evening.
But last Saturday Mrs. Giles was on
the sick list-nothing more serious
than 4 slightly sprained ankle-and
she found il Impossible for her TO
moTe about the house. SO Giles was
hidden to undertake the performance
Of her duties.
Now, Giles was short and fat. The
Kitchen mantel shelf vas high. In
order. therefore. to reach the clock
which too upon it. Giles was forced
TO requisition the services OF a chair.
Lahorisuiy he mounted it. while
Mrs. Giles watched the maneuver in
fear and trembling.
=. - IT, z-;.l j =
careful. That chair, o know, is none
TOO strong. I'm sure it Won. bear
your weight"
Giles turned round and surveyed his
spouse calmly.
"Ay, ay, my dear ne said, its
quite ali right: I'm only standing on
one leg"
The Fair Purchaser-Your eggs are
all very small today. Mr.. Jones.
Mr.. Jooes-Yes'm they are, but I'm
sure l don't know the reason.
The Fair Purchaser-Oh, l expect
you took them out Of the nests too
o
A little girl whose father was a
commercial traveller sat on the porch
holding a kitten and. creeping close,
her mother heard this: Kitty said
the young miss, L know you an l
know your mamma, an know your
little brothers an sisters. but I amt
ever seen your papa'-then after a
travelling man
Here is an emigration story. told az
a meeting recently. In a village was
a youth who had got himself into such
a variety of scrapes that his people
thought j, would be better to dispatch
him 70 Canada. so az to get him ava
from old and doubtful associations.
He agreed to go provided those inter
ested in his departure secured him
some testimonials. Half a dozen were
got for him. They san his praises
in unrestrained terms. spoke Of his
geniality, of his good address and ex-
ceptional capability, and all the other
virtues hat few men have, but many
get the credit for.
When the young man read the tes-
timonials he turned tor his father and
exclaimed:
Well, I'm hanged! 1 had no idea
people thougho SO much of me. And
now l know how much they like me
I'm bowed if I'll &c away at ALL"
Well. did he pay you?" asked the
wife of a dentist who had been to
Soi1cCl d DlIl toT q LUZ SCI u ld1Sc
teeth that he had made for a man
almost a yea before.
Pay me-" growled the dentist. "Not
only did he refuse to pay me. but he
actually had the effrontery to gnash
at me-with my teeth"
That the great French novelist
Balzac was not only a believer in per-
sonal magnetism" but himself an
expert hypnotist. is affirmed by Count
Apponyi in his Journal" which has
just been published.
Count Apponyi says that Balzac
once related an instance Of event
reading at a distance which came un-
der his notice. II have believed in
Magnetism from that day." Balzac
continued. land ave myself become
a powerful magnetizer. Such is my
force that few people can resist me
Almost everyone who enters my house
becomes h%ypnotized. and l can make
them reveal their most secret
thoughts" BaIzac boosted that he
could even sypnottss s4 Asdistanse