The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-06
ON TEE SPUR
or The AOMENT
The Diary of a Ronehead.
BY ROY K. MOULTON.


After riding the last SO miles with
a thin gentleman's elbow crowded
into my ear and a stout lady's parasol
jabbed between two of my most i'm
portant ribs, my new straw hat jam
med down over my ears, one foot in a
lunch basket and youngster on each
knee, packed in SO tightly that We
couldn't reach into our pockets to get
our tickets, I made up my mind that
the Sunday excursion to the festive
PAPER mache and stucco summer re-
sort was not for me and mine, ever
again.
With an ear full of cinders and a
heart full of woe, 1 sit me down to
swear by my faithful diary, that any
person or persons who by intent or
malice aforethought endeavors to en-
tice me on a Sunday railroad outing
will be shot on the spot and the re-
mains shipped to the nearest crema-
tory.
Our gay little party started at 3
o'clock in the morning with enough
optimism to supply the government
weather bureau for seven years and
enough food to last the Bulgarian
army through an entire siege of Con-
stantinople. The optimism lasted
about half an hour and the food gave
out before dinner time.
There were seven adults and thir-
teen children, seven lunch baskets,
twelve umbrellas, five baby cabs.
bags and a small charcoal stove to
cook the coffee on. L carried three
children, the small charcoal stove, two
lunch baskets and two umbrellas.
After a painful journey in a coach
that was built to carry forty persons
and really carried 1855, and being side
tracked five times to allow freight
trains to go by, we got to our destina-
ton, a typical resort. where people do
everything but resort.
We began paying for things as soon
as we got off from the train and
didn't see any of the scenery. All that
we saw were open palms stretched out
under our noses. There was nothing
free excepting the air and that was
not very good. Transient picnic par
ties like ours were obliged to camp out
in the picnic grounds whcih were out
on the lee side of a tannery with
strong summer resort wind coming
from the other side of the tannery.
There is only one thing more persist
emily chummy on hot day than a
tannery and that is a fertilizer factory.
We were told that there was no fertil-
izer factory at this resort but that
there was one at the next resort down
the lake, if we cared to try that one
next time.
Five of the children fell in the river
one at a time. Children never fall in
all at once. They draw the agony out
as long as possible. The first one fell
in soon after we arrived and the last
one just before we were ready to de-
part for home. Three were lost in the
woods and not recovered until five
minutes before train time and the
lunch baskets were overrun with red
ants to the extent that we were obliged
to put up 50 a head for dinners at
the resort hotel, the dinners being al
most as good as we could have secured
at 25-cent restaurant at home on
circus dav.
We made the trip to the resort in
three hours The return trip occupied
seven hours. Railroad people have
the faculty of forgetting excursion
trains entirely after they once reach
their destination. 1t never occurs to a
railroad company that an excursion is
in three times as much of a hurry to
get home as it is to get to the resort.
Flea bitten, cnisger stung. lame.
halt and half blind, we register Our
solemn VOW. Never again.