The Red Cloud chief., 1913-02-13
JUST A PROFESSOR
And He Was a Dry Man. Outside
and In, Never Getting Ex-
cited.
ey BRYANT C. ROGERS.

ne CouIu nave qucnchCd most any
thirst by stepping into saloon and
saying to the barkeep:
"Whcw' Is this hot enough for you"
Set 'cm up again. old man"
II was that the professors attitude
was dry. He was dry outside and in.
He never got excited. 4 presidential
election was no more To- him than To-
cal dog fight He never gossiped. He
yever took up frivolous questions.
such az the tariff on lamb chops He
had few acQuaintances. and those he
forgot to bow to half the time
Professor Bascomb was just pro-
fessor He filled the chair OF natural
history at the state college at luka
and given the leg of grasshopper he
could tell In what period OF the world
he lived and died and why he never
got TO be n clam or coon
On his arrival at lukp the professor
was offered board and lodging and all
the comforts Of home at the Wood.
blnc cottage at what seemed II rca.
sonable rate. and he installed himself
there. He didn't care about the name
II would have been the same to him
had the cottage been named the OK
Tail Dive. He didn't care much about
his room. his food or his bed
There was one other thing the pro-
fossor didn't care much about at the
Woodbine. and that was Miss Joy Mar
ton. Miss Joy was thirty. seven years
old and still hcartfrce She and her
h.,
made it a rule to take one gentleman
boardcr from the college. and every
time the old boarder went and n new
Cnc replaced him the town gossips
predicted that Miss Joy would succeed
in her fall designs. That is OF course,
she would lasso him and lead him to
.hc matrimonial altar
While Professor Bascomb was dry
very dry Miss Joy was girly and
kttenish and romantic. She wanted
to read and talk of knights and chew
alters and squires and danes and alb
Quoted maidcns. Professor Bascomb
wanted to talk about the dodo and the
mammoths. Where was the common
ground?
| Miss Joy wanted to read and weep
over The Sewing Machine Girl"
The professor wanted to catch and
examine the hearts and lungs Of bats
and crickets. Why. II they met on the
street the professor was as apt to ad'
dress her as Mrs. Perkins or Miss
Schemerhorn as by her right name
They did not lack more than mile
or two of being as far apart as the
Poles.
Without admitting that Miss J. ever
had any designs upon the professor. II
may be stated that at the end Of six
months the girl mused to herself:
Il give him up. He Is impossible
He will never come within 40 rods of
being a hero He. would see rats eat
me up and not come to the rescue"
All of this was very natural in a
weary old maid.
Three or four days later at the din
ner table. where the professor seldom
spoke at all, he suddenly said:
II see that there IL to be circus In
town"
Clasps OF astonishment from mother
and daughter. Clasps that there was
to be a circus. and gasps that the pro
fessor had referred to 1t,
And | think we'll attend"
Clasps of the gaspingest kind.
Yes. ! want you both to 90 with
me.
Had Professor Bascomb suffered a
sunstroke? The women turned pale
as they looked from him to each 9th.
er.
81 don't care much about the circus
part OF it. but | should like to study
the animals, particularly the lion. Per
haps l shall be able to give you some
Information you have never acquired
No. mother and daughter did not
know the lion very well. They had
heard him spoken Of as the king OF
beasts, but with eggs at fifty cents q
dozen, and butter almost as much per
pound, with nine liars In the United
States to one truthteller. they had Ia
ken only a passing interest in Leo
The day and the hour came and as
they stood before the cage of the kan
garoo the professor musingly said:
Australia Is the true home of the
kangaroo. lie Is not tiesh-eating ami
NAL, and will not attack man unless
driven to the wall. You may wonder
az the length Of his hind legs. Why
wasn't he created to run on four legs
the same as WOLFF"
Miss Joy looked at her mother, and
her mother looked at her. They had
run a boarding house for the last ten
years, but 1t had never occurred tc
them to ask the question or attempt
to find the answer.
1.-The kangaroo Is not predatory
animal" continued the professor. Or
the contrary, he is as timid as tn,
hare. Both must depend upon their
alertness and fieetness to escape their
foes. Thus it comes about that theil
gait Is by leaps and bounds, and thai