davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
RABID RUDOLPH SAYS:
On Chistmas
the Government
clerks all 60 home
ON New Year
they all go-to
pieces.
Anecdotes of Old-Time Actors
By Edw. Leroy Rice.
Copyright 1918. by the Press Publishing Co.

are necessarily a reSourCeful lot. In
addition to their regular duties they not
infreauently play small parts.
This particular property man I have
in mind was the eX-chattel OF a defunct
10-20-30 repertoire show which found it
self in Chicago several years ago with
very little loose change and even fewer
prospects. Besides. the actors were
hungry, and with just A. cents as their
total bank rolh it didn't seem as If they
were destined to get nine mans sized
meals for that much money. But they
did. And this is how:
Eight OF them filed into restaurant
and ordered everything from soup to
nuts. At a given signal the property
man. who was pacing the sidewalk.
made his appearance and seeking the
mcnager quickly flashed stage con-
stables badge and mysteriously said:
Il don't want to make any unneces-
sary noise or trouble, but those nine
men are a gang that have been after
for some time, so I'll get them out
quietly the back way. and no ono will
be any the wiser"
The manager was profuse in his
thanks and stuffed a handful of cigars
into the Officers ready nit. The
party filed out into the street. where
the property men quickly dug UP a
beanery and never stopped eating untn
the = cents had bsea SauandGsa
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
washington. d. c., Dec. 30. 1913.

washington, d. c., Dec 80. 1913
The Editor of The Times:
Dear Sir-That was heart-rending
case recited in Mondays Times
wherein the expert copy preparer
was reduced to the position of proof
reader at the measly salary of a.so
per diem. But how about the chiet
COPY editor of forty years expert
ence whom this abused expert copy
preparer displaced in summary
manner? This late expert issued and
received copy from three or four
CODY editors That was all Hardly
enough work to warrant his reten-
ton at the salary. So. wisely. the
Public Printer merely abo1shed his
place and put the man at work,
under fairer and more humane con-
ditions than prevailed when the ex-
pert was in charge.
Another sad case was that of a
certain man who didn't know the
KEYS of a typesettlng machine from
the ivories Of a player piano. He was
given q position as expert on mono
type machines, but was assigned for
probation to the jobroorn, where
he was transferred to the proofroonl.
and in the short space OF three
months 80 absorbed all the mys-
tories OF proofreading that he wss
made foreman Of the room. UsplAc-
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
AN ARBITRATION ARGUMENT.

Whatever may be the difficulties in the way Of
compulsory arbitration in labor disputes such affairs
as those in the West Virginia coal fields and the Calu
met copper country suggest that the evils of doing
without means of settlement are yet greater
Colorado is in the midst of labor controversy
that may at any time reach climax no less frghtful
than some of the incidents of the Western Fedora
ton war number of years ago, or the recent tragedy
at Calumet The truth is that that old controversy
of the ntermountain country was never really set
tied Under present conditions, it is doubtful if more
than truce be reached in the Michigan country.
Here is qrestion big enough for the biggest and
best brains of the nations statecraft consider We
have made very great progress toward industrial
faction of all parties, to insure against strikes
in the railroad business. In New York they have
tablished working scheme of mediation and con-
ciliaton to govern the relations between the EN-
ployers and employees in the garment making trade.
1t is pretty thoroughly demonstrated that there is
nothing impossible about the effort to work out
plans for such adjustment of differences.
In other countries considerable progress has been
made toward basis of adjustment, though none has
worked out the problem to a fnality Australia can
teach us a good deal New Zealand has had useful
here.
To permit conditions like those of Michigan, Col
orado and West Virginia to continue indefinitely,
while the National Government stands impotent, in
vesugating perhaps, inquiring, wondering-but not
ACTING-is to confess an incapaciy which this ma
ton should not be willing to admit.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
MIR. THOMAS REFUSES TO BE SAD.

ing a man of ability and Judgment.
who had worked in the proofroorft
for ten years. Now the tears come
because this petted individual Is sue
ceeded by a man Of ten years eS-
perience in the proofroom and a long
line of service In various positions
in the Government printing office.
Then take theepisode of the down
trodden referee who was displaced
in the night proofroom. Tue man
who is now referee has had twenty
years experience on the bin and
record force. whereas the deposed
referee had been for twenty years
a worker on specifications, and had
never worked on the bill or record
end up to the time he ousted the
man (now dead) who had refereed
on the night force for twenty years.
and who was admitted by all to be
an expert on bill and document
work Why no mention of this af-
fair by L. d. Smith? IL you will
sift out the changes. you will md
that most of them are transfers
from night to DAY. while thu real
reductions meet with the approval
of the rank and file. both Democrats
and Republicans. excepting the few
sycophants who worshiped at the
shrine of the dear departed or the
well-fed gentlemen on the third floor.
who have had their feet inithe trough
for some years, and now. fear a we'll
deserved disturbance in their neigh
borhood-
Respectfully yours.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
THE ECONOMICS OF MEAT.

A big investigation is announced by the Secre.
tary of Agriculture, whose purpose will be to de-
termne the economic facts about the meat industry
in this country There could hardly be more proper
turn to the current discussion Of this whole subject
1t is exceedingly desirable to know more sbor. the
business of producing meats; the economics the fun
damentals, of it.
One of the investigators at this time will be Dr.
T. N Carver, of Harvards department of economics,
a specialist in rural and agricultural studies DR..
Carver has some ideas about meat that are really
striking. He deals with the whole thing at once:
Concentration in the West, meat trust and ALL As
quoted recently in Farm and Freside, his views we're,
in part, thus outlined
DR.. Carver takes the position that the whole meat
raising industry got into unnatural and abnormal
ststus This may attributed fact that in this
country developed the great raising industry
Of the Middle West, some decades ago. at rate rapid
that the world could not absorb the until it
transmitted into meat. Corn and stock easy
produce in that section that proved economically
possible to raise meat by feeding it chiefly on grain
That, Dr. Carver Declares Is unnatural and uneco
nomc proceeding. He insists that it could not continue
lorg and that in fact the end of that system is a
preaching. The worlds demand for food and its
quirements grain such that the price
be expected henceforward to keep high that it will
generally be uneconomc to turn it into meat before
marketing it. Meat cannot much higher without
cutting down the demand.
But meantime this concentration of the meatraising
business the corn belt has produced another abnor
mality in the centralized control OF the agencies for
marketing slaugherng storage and distributing meats
In short. he eseems the Meat trust logical develop
ment out OF unnatural concentration OF sockgrow
ing in the corn Therefore he concludes that the
present centralized control which is welded by the
great packers will dsinegrate about in proportion
the meat-rasng business dfuses ITSELF scatters
from the cornbelt States and settles back into
thing more like the normal conditions Of and two
generations ago.
Wha. then, is to be done about raising meat il the
corn belt be relied upon TO continue indefinitely
the old methods of production?
Meat must he made universal by-product of all
the FARMS instead of almost exclusive product of
the farms of particular section This is the department
program, II is the proposition which met the approval
OF group experts who recently conferred with the
Secretary Of Agriculture the subject. The Govern
,nea through the department. must lend its influence
decentralizns the meatgrowing industry from the
West and developing II sverywhers else. ...-..
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
PUBLIC OWNERSHIP AND CIVIL SERVICE

One of the first things to be disposed OF by Con-
gress after the holiday recess will be the Alaska
failroad bill, providing for Government ownership OF
railroads in Alaska While the bill will be strongly
opposed, the expectation is that it will be passed
The discussion will have an important bearing on
Government ownership in general, both ownership
of the railroads and ownership of the telephones and
telegraphs. Already Po,tmaster General Burleson
has come out strongly fo- public ownership OF tele-
phones and telegraphs.f
Government ownership advocates are increasingly
numerous 1t is, however, beyond dispute that II the
public is to own public utilities the publc's en-
ployes must be governed by rigid civil service Ii
the Government owns and operates railroads in
Alaska, what about the men employed to run them?
Are these men going to be promoted and de-
NOTED because of their politics. as the practice is
now in the Government Printing Office?
If the Government takes over the telephones
and telegraphs, will the men who operate the lines
be chosen with careful regard for their political COM
plexions? Will the system now in use in the Gov
ernment Printing Office obtain when the Postmaster
General has in his hands the operation Of the tele
phones and telegraphs? -r
Politicians who are conniving at the breaking
down of the civil service are doing more to block,
delay and defeat such things as Government owner
ship of railroads in Alaska and Government owner
ship of telephones and telegraphs than all the ad-
verse corporation influences combined. 1t would be
we'll for those who really want to promote the cause
of public ownership to wake up to the supreme i'm
portance of seeing that the civil service laws are
lived up to in letter and in spirit
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
Doubt.
By CORA M. W-GREENLEAf.

Copyrlght. 1919. by the Press Publishing c
@IRED? So am I. Let's rest
Stop preparing for the worst
Get ready for the best.
1 fear that most of US ar
curst
With a too persistent zest
At counting DER the ills OF life
Forgetting all the rest.
So am I.
Ny plans have come to na1ght
And success has passed me by,
Nor given me thought.
But no tear shall dim my eye
Till the battle has been fought
To a finish-live or die.
Heartbroken? No, you're not.
You've too many blessings still
That you know cannot be bought.
See the good-forget the i'll
lows that come to us unsought,
And abide with US until
We leave this earth-worn spot.
oh, doubter! Lift your eyes
From your little selfish gloom.
Beneath the wide blue skies,
oh, see you not there's room
For all the hopes you prize
Some time, somewhere TO bloom!
Stop doubling and grow wise.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
DROPPING THE PRIMARY.

The word has gone out that President Wilson
does not intend to press the Presidential primary for
legislation at this session of Congress.
President Wilson's recent advocacy of the Presi-
dental primary caused surprise and forthwith it be-
came apparent that the idea opposed by power
full reactionary elements within the Democratic
party. Apparently, the President has no mind to
push the cause of the primary, at this time, against
the opposition of these elements.
II may be, of course, that the President is re-
serving vigorous action on the primary for some time
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
rim tin G. Office
Record Analysis
Shows Favorites
Among States

likely develop result o
Printing Once The Discrimination
Democratic sa IN the recent alo
apparent
the trouble develop to serious proportions.
Of sinks
insgnhcance among
teen States Fourteen Southern population
casting votes for
of sss7 while hye population
casting Wilson, received an increase In salaries
Of $780,
to be found al
the gift OF the present hns the
oyerfowng In utter Disregard Of the eftes ana sp
Of the service law.
ANAlYzES OFF ICE CHANGES.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
TGURES CERTAINLY
CAUSE WONDERING.

with these figures before any per-
son reasonably familiar with the
civil service law and its government
must certainly wonder why 7,37I 000
majority in population and e2e.2S ma
jority in votes for the Democratic
ticket ip five Northern States should
not at least equal so large Q minor
itv in fourteen Southern States
rs 1t the natural working of the
civil servfce system? Or is IL the
effect of Congressional influence?
Or might il be the exercise of
misunderstood power lodged in the
Public Printer.
Laying aside all these causes we
must look to the statistics on Hitter
acy. A g'ance at the table pub
lished in the World Almanac for 1913
page 4S6-you will note that every
Southern State included In this test
except Maryland and Missouri runs
frcm to 25 per cent illiterate: while
the FIVE Northern States mentioned
show but A. illiteTate.
I'VE may further inquire. would it
not be proper to have Congress call
upoE the Civil Service Conlplissioa
for the papers covering several
States, say South Carolina. q State
which received three appointments.
and the largest cash va'ue IN money
increase, to be compared with In
diana. which only received ore n2-
pointment. with a cash value OF $50.
Iliiteracy In South Carolina is re-
ported as 25.7. while IN Indiana il is
only 81.
are going pack to the old spoiis sys-
tem."
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
THE SILVER LINING
EDITED BY ARTHUR BAER.

Have you made your resolutions yet?
Why not call them irresolutions?
Any Capital citizen renouncing the
gaming table might do SO to the strains
OF THE swearing Off the green"
1t would be a strain.
You fail to hear Of anybody swearing
of eggs
Too busy swearing at them.
Most men can't be bothered to swear
Off bad habits.
Most men let the bad habits wear of.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
MERELY PLATED

He stcore of from all his faaings,
With an eighteen karat stoe1r of.
Thdt cue as he hung on the pali,tDs,
His svear of shoioed signs of dRtn1s
That night as he dropped DER the rail-
in1s,
His spedr off had started to toear off.
That beautiful golden Spear off
OF oil the things he'd sUorn OFT
Had corn of.
BLADENSBURG.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
THEY WILL BUILD A LOT OF
EXITS,

The Commissioners are going to al
low the prisoners to build their own re-
formatory.
II the prisoners are allowed to design
their cells, they shouldn't be prisoners
very long.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
a5s OFF
ON ALL
PURCHASES.

Now, If somebody bought q penny
stamp. you can easily figure out how
the currency would have to be good and
elastic.
Still. this would stretch it to the
breaking point almost
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
AND GET CLUB RATES.

Three Brooklyn folks saw a red dag
ger In the sky. They can all sign the
same pledge.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
PROTECTING HOME INDUSTRIES

The Hungarian banker whose spe-
cialty is duelins is only allowed to stay
month in the United States.
/ II he wants to stab any American
bank rolls. he has got to be quick
about Il.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
DOES OPPIE KNOCK ON ALL THE
DOORSa

Opportunity knocks but once at each
mans door. How about the man who
owns q row Of houses?
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
Nine Hungry Thespians

ROPERTY man. so-called in theat-
u rical companies becsus they arc
supposed to get In each town Wis
tied whatever properties are re-
auUed for ths evenings performance
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
Amusementa

National-"Sari," 2:15 and S:15 D. IN
Columbia-"she StoOps To Conquer"
8:15 p. m
Belasco-.The Great Adventure" 2:l6
and s 20 p. IN
Polrs-"In the Bishops Carriage 2:ls
and S:15 p. m.
Keith h's-Vaudeville els and Sis D. m.
Academy-'The Spendthrift," 8 rs D. m.
Cosmos-Vaudeville, continuous.
Casino-Vaudeville, afternoon and even
fng.
Gayety-Burlesque 2:15 and Sis D. m.
Arcade-Dancing evening
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
THE ERNEST ONES.

You could say that the school children
were Thurston for knowledge.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31

THE ELASTIC CURRENCY.
At last we have figured out the elastic
currency.
Did it Ofr-hand in a drug store on F.
street.
They have this sign on the wall:
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
Hits From Sharp Wits.

Some enterprising newspaper man
ought to send out an authoritative
statement on who's Killing Who in
Mexico.-Memphis Commercial Appeal
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
What's on tie Program, IN
Washinaton 1odzy

Meetings, evening:
knights of Pythias-Mt. Vernon Lodge,
No. 8. Friendship Temple, No. 8,
Pythian Sisters
Red Men-Osceola Tribe, No. ID; White
Eagle Council. No. 4. Degree Of Poca-
Odd Fellows-Eastern Lodge. No. q;
Federal. No. II. and Federal City.
No. 20.
Social reception, woman's central COM
mittee, Socialist party, m e street
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
ARE APPORTIoNED
AMONG THE STATES.

"The appointments in the claestned
service under the general law are ap-
portioned among the States. When
the quota Of q state Il fun no furtner
applicant can be drawn from such
State until all quotas OF other etates
The thirty-nine promotions ought
70 reflect the spirit Of The civil serv-
ice in apportioning these prontaoIo
places among the States. Let the
readers of The Times ana the coun-
try see how the Government pnn-
cip.e works as exemplned IN the
Government Printing ,Onice:
Alabama with q popuiation OF
PISS. COO, cast =, i3S votes for Presf-
dent Wilson. They get one promo
tion,N worth $50.
..Arkansas = Population, 1000:
cast 6s,SSS votes for President Will
son. They get two promotions, worth
sl,esO
"FIorida- $4,000: cast
S.sI7 votes for President wilson
They got two promotions, worth
aGeorgia-Population. Y sos. 900; cast
% 07c votes for President Wilson.
They get two promotions, worth
"fndiana-Population 2,7o0.o0o; cast
oS1 SeD votes -or Wilson They get
one promotion worth $3.50; one Re
pubIican discharged who received
b 800 (not reported in lisO.
.Maryland Population 1,295,O00;
cast l12,674 votes for President VIII
son. They get four promotions
worth $1,S75.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31

The man who says that II his wife
dies he viii, coon follow her to the grave
Is usually found in the third week after
at q musical comedy performance. No
wonder the women are So d;strustful of
us-N O. States.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31

Before venturing to give an excuse,
consider whether ycu would take it.
Albany Journal
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
MICHIGAN GETS
THREE PROMOTIONS

"Nichisan - Population, 2,s1000o;
cast 15o.75l votes for President VIII
son. They get three promotions.
$3.50.
Missouri Population, 293.335;
cast s9O, las votes for President Will
son. They get one promotion, worth
$3.50.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. 1.Isi 900:
cast 57,227 votes for President VIII
son. They get one promotion, worth
$500.
New Jersey-Population. 2.5sl.OC0:
cast 2IS,2S9 votes for President Will
son. They get one promotion, worth
$500.
New York-Population, 9,113.OO0:
cast 6o5,415 votes for President Will
son. They get four promotions,
worth $3.50.
North Carolin-Population, 2,eCS,-
600; cast l4I.507 votes for President
Wilson. They get four promotions.
worth $3.50.
"Ohio-Population, 4.461,0O0: cast
423.7ls votes for President Wilson.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
THE OLDEST INHAB SEZ-

WHEN YOU HAVE TO DO 1T.
There Is gloom IN 9ladness,
In fun there Is sadness.
There's terrific punishment IN olns.
There Is torture IN Qutpptng,
And labor in clipping,
When It Is done to earn your Juns.'
Bread Uon't rhyme.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31
ANALYzEs OFFICE CHANGES.

They get two promotions. worth
sPcnnsyivania-PopuIafion. 7.sssouo;
cast, 3g6.6i9 votes for President VIII
son. They get thres promotcnA
Tennessee : PopuIation. 3s1s1oues
cast 13110 votes for Preaideut VIII
son They ~ one promotion. worth
south carolina-Popuiation. 1,sl5.-
900: cast A.6s votes for PRECEDENT
Wilson: They get three promottons
"Tezas-Population. a0sooo: cast
21. SIS votes for President Wilson.
They get one promotion, worth LOO
''virg1nia-Population. 20e4. 90; cast
90.3a2 votes for Prestdent Wilson.
They get three promoticuA worth
west virxinia-PopuIaxiou, In.
600: cast 1l3.04s votes for President
Wilson.
CITEs CIVIL SERVICE
Law or YEAR 1ss3.
The civil service law, ~ enacted
January l& lssa contains the follow
The act requires that the rules
shall provide among other things for
open competitive examinations for
testing fitness Of applicants for the
public service. the filling of cIsxsi
fed positions by selections from
among those passing with highest
grades, an apportionmeut OF appoint
ments In the departments 1t Wash
ington among the States and Terri
tories. q period Of probation before
absolute appointment and the pro-
hibition Of the use Of authority to
coerce the political action Of any
person or body.
Does the Public Printer challenge
the tntelHsence Of the American
people by selecting thirty-one Of the
ceiv1ng salaries varying from Q-Soo 10
3, -. and. further, that tWenty-seven
Of these should come from Southern
States and only four from Northern
States. and claim that thgre was no
political coercion
The most radical changes made IN
the days Of the spoiisnen cannot
produce q record - partisan and
sweeping a. this.
by q further analys's of the fore
going 0eaying the District Of Column
bia. with its one promotion, out). wO
find the twenty-eixht promotions
States-fourteen Southern States and
five Northern States. The fourteen
Southern States. with a population
OF N.9zs.000 casting 1446. .5sS votes for
President Wilson. received an in
crease In salaries Of $16.975. while thet
f1ve Northern States. with q popu-
lation Of q 2s3.0c0. casting s,i751ss
votes for Wilson, received On In
crease in salaries of only $500.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31


TO one IS more worthy of niche than
Jim Decker. No one was ever more
rosourceful.
On one tour the performances were
given under canvas. and on either side
of the inclosure were the long circus
seats. one side being for the whites and
the other for the colored folks. The
latter paid 25 cents for their admission
fo- the first few days. Then Mr.. Decker
had an inspiration. Across those same
25-cent seats. about a distance OF half
their length. he stretched rope, and
AM ounced in loud tone:
"Colored Reserves! Colored Reserves.
50 cents each"
can see those darkies yet. falling
over one another to get the precious
pasteboards for themselves and ladies',
and looking Gown supcrciliously on the
Trash" who only paid ''two-hits," and
whose elbows thev touched.
The Washington times., 1913-12-31

Concert Today
By the U. S. Soldiers Home Band
Orchestra, Stanley Hall, at
$3.50 p. m.
JOHN s. NJ. ZIMMERMANN'
Director.
March. The Winning Fight"
Holzmann
Overture. ''Stradella" .Flotow
Norwegian Scenes....... Matt
/. View OF the Mountains.
.. Peasants Dance.
3. Sleighride Dance.
Selection, t'Maritsna" Wallace
Characteristic, african Dream
land .,....-...-...s'' -E>t"dici
EXCERPTS from Baron Trenck,"
Albini
Finale, THE Hero OF the Isthmus.''
Lampe
THE star-spansled Banner"