Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1913-09-04
Tnrrs-REPUBLICAN. MARsHAILTowN IOWA

! ~ IS I~
N an1na1sd job Of Dlumbng. Mob
b he's IKE consomuss.' thinks I. thin,
but good
"Hs was thicksned up and turned
over 1t both ends with the turriblest
looking hands and feet soldcred on
that ever 80, and he displayed his
bashfulnsss by cracking his knuckles.
He'd aggregate them digits up into
parcel and wiring them out with the
rattle Of lauaketry or the sound OF
man splitting kindlins. Then to cover
his coyness he'd pull each one sep.
arate and make it pop. 1t reminded
me Of breaking an armful Of chair legs.
He was open and simple to case at,
though, and appeared to be incapable
Of deceit. for you could look plumb
into and through him BY his nasal
passages. He was double bar'l look
ing youth from the front, and meeting
him In the gloom I'd have felt like he
had me covered with breechloader,
for his nose rar'd back and stared you
right in the eye. Yes, that was
strange probossy Of his'n, and you
felt that by flashing a dark lantern
down its dim and distant vistas you
could SEQ plumb back to his secret
soul. He seemed devoid Of guile alb
solute. and I thinks to myself:
"'Plainly this poor. buch6lic party
10 too slow In wit and movement to
hit Mike with a handful Of shot. It's
really pity to wallop him. But I
senses a sort of thrill through the au-
dience and can hear 'em shifting their
feet. We had to split the gloves to
get them over the protuberances this
youth called hands.
1.-THE Fowler Opery House amt built
for no Parsifal productions, and what
with the organ, the sleight of hand
fixtures ana cologne boxes we are
pinched for room on the stage. How
ever. I place two chairs in opposite
corners and call the men out to the
center to shake hands. Mike 10 In red
tights, while the stranger has took OF
his shoes and 10 in sock feet, with bis
sleeves rolled up like he Ia out to beat
carpet.
"'Gentamsn.' says I in my Mextkin
simulations. you lights tree min' and
resta one. shaka han. Timer
"say, this world Is place Of sad
surprises. There's only one thing %
uscg1uW q appearances. ana mars
other appearances. Mike comes forth.
chin down, shoulder up, lett foot
straight, all In perfect position ana ag.
gressive as q grizzly, while the home
product hangs his arms loose and
swaJs back aud for-aa, locking ut
Mixes feet like it IL milking time and
he 10 afraid Of being kicked. Then
Of q sudden he makes . motion Of
one glove like he il tagging a train.
Nike parties and turns loose an upper
cut for the farmers kitchen that would
have broke every dish In bis pantry.
but somehow the man happens to bs
out when it arrives and can't receive
1t in person. He shifts his feet at the
right instant and Is an inch out Of
range. Mike drives up with another
assortment Of wallops. but tho Rube
Isn't thsCe to sign for EN-. The lamp.
light grew muddy with Mixes blows,
when al 1T once Mr.. BY Heck reached
down, picked up his right hand. piled
his knuclllss up In q heap on It and
threw 1t at Mojave.
cit hit him abreast Of the lower
er beating steak with cleaver. When
Mike struck the door he bounced, and
you'd q thought It was Seminole
corn dance from the howl that rose
from that audience. didn't count
him out. He wouldn't have under
stood. and them obsequies would have
been an extravaganza. I steps to the
front Of the stage. lifting my voice.
am a good loser, and a smile 10 always
on my face In adversely.
LADY and genta,' says I, Senior
Hiram Oates Wilma de night. Congrat-
ulash.' Then stops. for Hiram taps
me on the shoulder.
you're next Papriky.'
"tMe whatY says I.
"'You're next
"'No sabe,' says I, struggling my
shoulders.
"'Yes. 70 dew. Get into them NIT
tens. for I'm going to clean up tho
whole caboodle Of you, white. yeller
and black
81 appealed to the Roman populace
with all the chilli con carne accents in
my vocabulary, but their thumbs is
down. A gray bearded goat in the
rear Of the hall hops up and cries:
"'Hi.rnm, kill the dag0. The per-
fume amt no good