davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
Beware Of OintmeatS afor Catafrh
~ that Contain Mercury,

As mercury will surely. destroY the sense a
smell and completely dsrsdse me w'loie system
Shsn entering IL ,thrOsEh rhe nseous. surfaces.
Such articles should never be used except on the
prescriptions from reputable Physicians. as uhe
damage they will do is ten told toTthe good you
can possibly derive FROM them. Halls cstarrh
Cure. manufactured by F,lJ, Cheney a Co.. To
edo, o., contains no mefcurE and is tskea inter.
aaIly. acting directly upon the blood and msbous
surfaces of the system. Ia buying Halls cstairh
Cure be sure you get the genuine, Il IS tskea
internally and made in Toledo. o. by F. 4. Che
ney & Co. Testimonials free
Sold by Druggists. Price 7Sc per bottle.
Take Halls Family Pitts for constipation.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

Whitsiaw REID - Ne~spspSr Men.
WAitsllW Reid, il . apssch some
years ESQ. 1t = literary dlnusr. dellv-
sFaG hinsslf OF q mhKia which 10
suggested shoulA be AuAg ny in every
AeWSpapsr oMos In tie world. II
wasI TtWsr words, Hhortor stories.
better told." And all the nSwspRNsr
men DrsSsat raised . cheer.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

II It Be true to say OF any author
that everybody has read him. that au-
thor IL Dickens. He is more Of ma
tionsl institution today than Shakes
pears. whose works. praised and PER
verted. explained and darksnsd, ~ an
amazing mass Of commentators today.
are not, in our experience. really
known to the Average reader, --Loaaon
Athsnaeum. n
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

o thou God Omnipotent, who 80
carest for every one OF US. as II thou
caredst for him alone; and so for all,
as II all were but onel To thee will
intrust whatsoever have received
from thee. So shall l lose nothing.
Thou madest me for thyself. and my
heart is restless until il reposs in
thee Amen.--St Augustine.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
Net ps.alIsr p 81

A case in which three '6I0oie -
wsrs killed BY tuhSs Afsn bbta 3
vas. Described in tn racnno uanna1 r..
pert en the health ,ee tAe MA naVg.
The msn were svGresllo - . pf0vI
M roem n tAs D1DaEN. hASr8 thtlo
yes = stnsk q pstatnaas aouo of,lhb
DakatssS we're OnrRlpatlnR anG IN
WAvs rise 10 an aOoumuiaklDa - -.
vAioh NaRRoeAtsd tAs msn
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
oIsaS kssw stoes's Value.

While rumEAging through an Old
chest Mrs. J. g. wstEoI, Of Ravens.
wood. ". Va, came across, an ole
stone that had baen given her bE .
relative 81 yoars ago. AAd which she
thOuGAt Aad NO value. she showed
Il - . guest 1t her home and he took
II TO AetsWslsPs who declared Il a. ~
eat diamond worth o1,lOe.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

Slckly children need WHITES
CREAM VERMKUGE. IL not on
ly destroys wohfos, II there be any,
but it acts asa strengthenIng tonic
In stomach aud bowels. Price 2Oc
per bottle. Sold by St, Bernard
Mining Co. Incorporated Drug De-
Darkm0nt.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
Canrhta Bad Cold

Last winter my son caught very
bad cold and the way he couRhed
was something dreadful, writes
Mrs. Sarah K. Duncan, OF Upton,
Iowa. I'VE thnught sure he was
going Into consumption. We bought
Just one bottle of Chamberlain
Cough Remedy and that one bottle
stopped his cough and cured his cold
completely" For sale by All Deal
ara,
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
nnnk,.nrm Needed AIso.

See that measuring worm crawl
Tag up my skirt" cried Mrs. BjenEs
That's a sign I'm going TO have a
new dress" well. let him make y
for you" growled Mr.. Bjenks. AND
Whine he's about It. have him send
hookworm TO do you up the oaeh
I'm tired OF the job"
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
Arevltv n oorrespondence.

For brevity nothing can beat the
correspondence between Victor Hugo
and his publisher on the issue OF Les
Miserables." Very bNsy but anxious
10 know how the book was selling
Hugo sent the publisher card mark
ed simply a." The reply came bach
a."
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

4 wish you would shout at me. Just
the same as you shout at the animals
you are going to kill" said Judge
Moss. at the Carnargon (Wales)
county. court. to a butcher who was
giving evidence In quiet tones. IT
you were going to XIII an obstreper-
GUS bull you would not whisper Ike
this" added his honor.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
arss ,ho noss Vou ,nsvA

Always give Of the best that \ n
ven- Feel responsibility toWnrds ysuE.
ssif ana your work Never ~ en-,
tent With q eenpromise WITH WegE
Give an employer the baSt thak -
have IN yea 70 Uisos--1olVeassO
DEo0ka- oiI
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
No Hurrx fer rha, v.hleIs

A shortsighted old lady In a hurry
to mount tram gar held up her UNI
brella aud shouted 20 the driver OF a.
Sassing vehicle. stop. STOP" to
which the driver replied. Don't be I'M
q hurry. mum; It amt ycur tura YETI
II was q hearse. D.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

why DO. yon always insist on talh
inG about the, weather TO your bar
bert" you wouldn't have me talk
about anything 20 exciting a. poll
tics to q man who is handing q raEOr,
would your AS
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

Beauty is as summer fruits, which
are easier to corrupt and cannot last;
And, for the most part, 1t makes a dis
solute youth and an age a little out
OF countenance. But yet certainly
again. II It light well, II maketh yer
tues shine and ViaAs blush-Bacon.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

caut look well eat we'll, or feel we'll With
iuPure blood Keep the blood pure With Bur
docks Blood Bitters Bat Simply, take exercise,
keep clean, and good health is pretty sure 10
follow. SIoo bottle.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
Eervet Than.

Gather mp all thy sins--ole -.
~ ~ na', sus'- w Inns anse memories
bag and heaVe them into tht ne IA
S. ,l your ire rs not IN NE past.
PUN Sue ~ mo Iu.uIe. ne ,, sre aved b.
u'pe' e~sN D"isn' ni''''' DID
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
SNhan . PvsHo oMeid

: ! ''WheR q public servant 49,, ol at
Aoingr semsthinG he ought not u. hSI
always seems 70 derive q lot OF sat
Ssfnetion from preteadIng thnt his
sIStsVss are mIBuAdGStDDA." Saga an
QAio paper. TAAt Isn't what ~ saya.
He says: Il have no desire - try ny
Glaa IN tAp noWsSapsCS~
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

Dopl useharsh physies. The reaction weak
ems the bowels, leads TO chronic eonstipadon.
Gets Doau's Resuiets They operate easily. ssc
a. all stores. N
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
NothIno Doing at All.

Hokus-"So she didn't return your
love. eh?" Return my love?
Why. she didn't even return my prey
ents. Town Topics.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
DesDonaOncy

Il often caused BY indigestion and
cons alton. aud quickly diasAp+
pears when ChAmberiAiR's Tablets
arr taken. For sale By All Dealers.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

"Ag chiiA vas burned tsrribly aboas tue face,
neck Aad chest I applied DR., rhonaa Eciseaie
OIL. The pain ceased aud the child sank into
restfuI sleepL"--Mrs. Nancy NJ. Hanson, HAM
bnre A
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
coed rims COmlna.

DO you know why whipped y0~I
my sOnf" mo. but was goinG =
ask y0u when got bigger /
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
INTERURRAN TRAINs.
SOUTH BOUND.
NJ. Il. &e. TIME CARD

NJ. n. 4 f.. time yard went int"
effect Sunday, Jan. b, 1913.
No. l12 leaves. .5:45 =. m.
No. lib arrivea. $3.50 D. m.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

Hives eczema, itch or salt rneum
crazy. Can't near the touch Of your
Dosn's Ointment Is fine for skin Rci
druggists sell u. soc box. n
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
|. q N. TIME GARD.

Time Oh arrival Of trains passing
through and departure Of trains
originating at Darlington.
Effective Sunday, Jan. 8, 1918
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23
ovIs.s to Success.

my your Oyercoaia in s.
" zen busters In wi
ortunity when II
II il must he
.on OF sneceCs Is
b.a.c. A. G. bartlett.
The bee. (Earlington, Ky.) 1889-19??, 1913-09-23

Mrs. Benham-"Did you
the cook" Benham-'No;
ed her resignation"
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

Mrs. D. H. Greene is recovering from a
recent severe illness.
W. B. Goblin returned yesterday from
business trip to Kansas City.
John Broomfield was up from La Junta
on Sunday visiting the Goblin family.
Rev. L. D. Potts came in from Pitts
burg. Kansas, on Tuesday and spent the
day with friends.
Philip Yant returned to Colorado
College last Sunday. after spending the
Thanksgiving vacation with his parents.
Misses Ruth and Anna Stuntz return
ed Sunday from their Thanksgiving vaoa-
ton spent with their parents in Colorado
City.
Clyde Umbarger. travelling salesman
for the Arkansas Valley Broom Co., is
out on his winter trip throughout the
state.
Mrs. Kinsel, trained nurse fromL a
Junta, is substituting at the sanitarium
while Miss Cummings. the regular nurse.
is taking her vacation.
Just asAlLeeman was passing the office
of the Foley Lumber Co. at noon yes
terday the wooden awning collapsed
with the weight of the snow, injuring him
slightly in the hip and ankle.
Mrs. H. S. Rollins. OF Holly. better
known to Rocky Ford people as Mrs.
Lamberton, underwent an operation at
the Van Antwerp sanitarium last Satur-
day, Last reports are that Mrs. Rollins
is recovering nicely.
A poultry show is expected to be an
added attraction for this winter. j. C..
Robinson is agitating the affair and is
being met with great encouragement. As
Rocky Ford is noted for its fine chicken
farms It would seem to be desirable
thing to have poultry show.
Mrs, A. H. and Miss Edith Beaver left
yesterday for Denver where they will
take course of instruction in Keyboard
Harmony" with Miss Eta Ellis. Miss
Ellis has classes in all the larger cities
in the United States which she visits
twice yearly. This is the second trip
Mrs. and Miss Beaver have made to
Denver for instruction.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05
PATTERSON VALLEY.

Both divisions of the True Blue Bible
class of the Patterson Valley Sunday
school were entertained by Mrs. Edith
Schultz at the home of her mother, Mrs.
c. W. Norton, on Friday evening. AL
most the entire membership. including
the teachers-Mrs. Lester Hallows and
Virgil Spogsdale-were present. Prog
ressive games were the amusement and
when the count was in it was found that
Jay Cassatt had captured the prize. De-
lightful refreshments were served and a
pleasant evening spent by all.
Miss Flossle Cassatt left on Thursday
for visit with friends in Denver.
A cafeteria social will be given in the
sohoolhouse next Friday evening, Dec.
l2. by the members Of the True Blue
class. A high-class entertainment will
also be given. Everybody is invited to
attend.
Mr.. and Mrs. Ralph Lawrence Of Sc
attle are visiting Editor Wilson'S family
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05
PERSONAL I
AND 4
LOCAL s
LOCAL
l u a a a u a

Jos, H. Price spent Tuesday in Pueblo.
Robert Anderson was in from La Veta
for Thanksgiving vacation.
Mrs. c. B. Nash spent Thanksgiving
with her parents at Las Animas.
A. L. Hadley is spending the week in
Kansas City. looking after business.
Mr.. and Mrs. Lewis Swink spen.
Thanksgiving with friends in Pueblo.
Attorney Paul M. North is looking
after legal business in Denver this week
The body of Archie Gamble was ship
ped to his old home in Oklahoma for bur-
ial.
Pat MeElroy and wife expect to leave
shortly for their new home in Maxwell
N. M.
Ray Whitney went to Denver on Mon
day with car Of sheep of Wiley Robert
sons.
Dean Stanley returned Monday from
Loyington, III, where he had been visiting
the past ten days.
G. E. Bicknell. editor of the Msnzanola
Sun. gave The Enterprise a neighborly
call on Wednesday,
Mrs. James Warren is recovering nicely
from recent operation at the Van Ant
werp sanitarium.
Mrs. Katherine Goblin returned yester-
day from a months visit with relatives in
Wichita and Newton. Kan.
Mr.. and Mrs. Frank John returned
Sunday from pleasant two weeks visit
with friends in Leon. Iowa.
A new general merchandise store will
be opened shortly in the Dye building on
Main street. R. Farris is the new prop
rietor.
Ed Barrow has purchased the Swink
pool hall on South Main street and with
his son Frank took charge on Thanks
giving day.
Mrs. Arthur Samples and daughter
Miss Lena. returned Saturday to their
home in Walsenburg after a weeks visit
with relatives and friends,
w. II. DAVIS who has been visiting his
sister. Mrs. J. W Pheneoie. for the past
two weeks, returned to his home in Nc
Pherson. Kan. last Sunday.
Editor Jay F. johnson Of the ordway
New Era went ioyriding with his wife on
Sunday and in the course of his peregrin-
alton made flying visit with The Enter
prise family,
Mrs. Charley Lyon, accompanied by
her little daughter Charlene and her
grandmother Mrs. Murray. left for Pue-
bio on Friday for a few days visit with
friends.
DR.. S. B. Warner returned on Satur-
day from a pleasant visit to Galveston
and Houston, Texas, and next day resum-
ed preaching services in the Methodist
church with renewed vigor.
Miss Ardie Adooek and Mrs. A. J.
Hainline from Macomb. ILL.,. stopped off
Sunday on their way to California to visit
Mrs. z. T. Roberts for week. Miss
Adcock and Mrs. Roberts are cousins,
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05
: ++++++++++++++++
IN THE SOCIETY WORLD
j + n + + + + r + + + + + + +

Upon their return to this city last Sat-
urday Rocky Ford friends first learned of
the marriage in Ration, N. NJ. on Thurs
day, Nov. 81. of Joseph N. Johnson and
Miss lone M. Fogel.
The marriage was the elimination Of a
schooltime romance begun five years ago
when the johnson and Fogel families oc-
eupied adjacent farms back in Freeport.
ILL.,. and was naturally expected by the
relatives when Miss Fogel came to this
city some four months ago. ostensibly to
nurse Mrs. A. E. Coleman.
The happy groom is general manager
of the Rocky Ford Sanitary Co. and with
his charming bride has made many friends
who will unite with The Enterprise in
extending hearty congratulations.
Mrs. Harry Mendenhall was the host
ess OF a most attractive luncheon on
Tuesday. complimentary to Mr.. menden-
halls mother. who is here from St. Joe
visiting.
An unusual feature Of the affair was
that among the guests were the great
grandmother. Mrs. Mary Pigg, and both
grandmothers, Mesdames Cover and
Mendenhall. of the little Miss Mendenhall.
Besides these ladies the guests were
Mesdames L. E. Wise. F. Y. Hauck. A. S.
johnson. T. H. Stratton. G. W. Lewis and
G. P. Randall.
Mrs. Florence A. Six entertained a
party of friends on Wednesday evening
in honor of Mrs. Matte Hulse. The rooms
were beautifully decorated in pink and
green. the centerpiece being Of carnations
and ferns. The four-course dinner was
served at z p. m. The favors were
beautiful shells gathered by the hostess
at Puget Sound. Tacoma. Wash. The
guests were in jolly mood and the wee
small hours were coming before any OF
the party could imagine it possible. All
parted hoping to meet soon again.
Miss McKittrick was the hostess of a
very delightful Five Hundred party at
the home of Mr.. and Mrs. W. C. Steele
on Wednesday evening, complimentary to
her cousin Homer McKittrick and bride.
Besides the honor guests there were pres
ent Mr.. and Mrs. w. c. Steele, Mr.. and
Mrs. Joe Goblin. Misses Eva Goblin. Eva
Thomas and Maude Cressy; Messrs. E.
C.lGlenn, George Maxwell and Heuter
Cover.
Young people to the number Of twenty
five invaded the home Of Mr.. and Mrs.
Will Martin on Wednesday evening, for
the purpose of surprising their son Lee.
A merry time was spent by the young
sters and everyone. including Grandfather
Martin, had a most enjoyable evening,
The Methodist Ladies have resumed
their semi-monthiy socials and yesterday
met with Mrs. c. S. Culp.
The Tuesday Reading Circle met with
Mrs. Van Buskirk this week.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

For Trade-Big Horn Basin irrigated
lands for Rocky Ford stock of goods.
What have you? M. U. Randel Germania,
Wyo, 24tf
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05
Bring Your School Children

To FL Captain hotel. where DR.. K. c.
Sapero. the we'll known eye. ear. nose
and throat specialist, will examine your
eyes and theirs free of charge. One day.
Monday, Dec. 8. Call early.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05
You Are Invited

To attend the big sale. beginning
Dec. 5th at J. B. Byars.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

Stauffers have on sale cornfed steer
beef, our own feeding
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

For Sale-One share High Line water,
cash or time. Inquire Enterprise.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05
The Youths Companion Calendar

The publishers Of The Youths Com
panion will, as always at this season,
present to every subscriber whose sub
scription is paid for 1914. Calendar for
the new year. 1t is gem of calender
making. The decorative mounting is rich
but is subordinated to the main purpose
to produce calendar that is useful.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

The Methodist Ladies have resumed
their semi-monthly socals and yesterday
met with Mrs, c. S. Culp.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05
Notice

40 extra salesladies wanted at j. B.
Byars Dry Goods Store. Apply at
once. Those with experience preferred.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

A series Of revival services will begin
at the Church Of the Brethren. Sunday,
Dec. z. Rev. E. H. Sherry of Colorado
City will conduct the meeting to which
all are invited. Song service z p. m.
Preaching z,5o p. m.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05
+ r + + + = = . = r = = = .
y BUSINESS LOCALS. a
+ = r r r r 4. r = = = r r = + =
Unusual Sale

Mems heavy rolled edge Arctic over
shoes, S so values. this sale e8c
Mems and Ladies SOC Golf gloves
One big lot childrens heavy winter un-
derwear. cotton or wool, worth up to
Csc. to close out &c
Childrens soc Union Suits will go in
this sale for Observation-Disclosures
Ladies bleached winter union suits, SO
to z5o values, this sale le-----59c
at j. B BYARS
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

Stauffers are headquarters for fresh
feh
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

The Tuesday Reading Circle met with
Mrs. Van Buskirk this week.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

For Sale Cheap-My go h. p. Oak
land roadster; all tires and gears new.
Apply to DR.. H. S. Van Antwerp. St.
John Block. -2Ztf
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05
FOR THE LADIES

FOR THE LADIES
Com munity Silver~vsr~. QUAR-
ause-d for Sd yenrs- Also 1917
Roacrs Bros and VIM. Roaers
ware. newest psttcrns-
Gar~ood n Butterfield
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

Young people to the number Of twenty
five invaded the home Of Mr.. and Mrs.
Will Martin on Wednesday evening, for
the purpose of surprising their son Lee.
A merry time was spent by the young
sters and everyone. including Grandfather
Martin. had most enjoyable evening,
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

For Sale Cheap-Perfeetly new Free
sewing machine. Inquire SOP Walnut
| or Phone Ford 566. -2Ztf
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1913-12-05

1.-THE WARE THAT WEARS
-IsD2- pure Spun Aluminium
CooLina UtensiI. -n~e. time
fuel aud money Guaranteed nis-
ss,lotrIy for IL ycn-s- Let us
slso>. you- Gar>.ood N HotferfieId
Norwich bulletin., 1913-12-27
NORWICH TOWN
Methodist Sunday School Holds Christ mas Festival-FamiIy Dinners on the Hoiiday-Guests and Their Hosts.

The stormy Christmas evening did not prevent a large crowd at the en- tertainment for the First Methodist Sunday school. The children recited and sang before the presents were dis tributed from two attraotively dec- orated trees. Supt. F. H. Bushnell an- nounced the programme, the tiny chil- dren with smaller selections receiving hearty applause from the audience The vestry was cheery with it's rope of green between the trees, from which hung candy boxes. There were wreaths and branches of pine about.
 This programme was followed: Songs, Christmas Song and Jesus Loves Even Men, preceded these recitations: Greet ing, A Christmas Tree Thought, Miss ing Santa Claus, I Wonder Christmas Bells, Good Enough, by Wallace Har- beck, Sadie Chaser, Stanton Brown, Everett Bingham, Ada RingIand and Josephine Hall Following another song by four girls came There is Joy A Christmas Carol, A Stitch in Time, inc Davis, BeuTah Rogers. Next was a solo by Alice Johnson. and My Gift, Kenneth Gemble; Christmas Morning, thur Fulton; Do They Hang Them Up ? Claud Hanna, Santa Claus. Blanche Wheeler; Christmas Wishes Gifts for the King, Anna Jones: Merry Christ mas, Agnes Gemble; Christmas is so Long Coming, Florence Brown, and A Real Grandma, Drexel Hanna The songs Away in a Manager and The rid ings of 8 King closed the more formal exercises
Norwich bulletin., 1913-12-27
At tf1e Audifnriun,.

Th best all round show seen at this house in a long time is what the peo- pie are saying about the show that has been playing here the last half of this week and which will be seen here to- day for the last time. The Nine Afri- ca:nders, the feature on today,s biI1. Ls a corfing good, lively, vaudeville number and is winning much applause Their dancing is good, their singing and song numbers fine and their com edy clever. Poole presents novel magic act. introducing several new and difficult tricks, while Harry Gilbert displays a very fine voice and presents 8 single different from the others and sery good. Today's feature picture is entitled The Influence of Sympathy and Is two reeler presented by the Victor Go. with that ever popular actress. Florence Lawrence The Anf- =nated Weekly and Throwing the Bull. q Joker comedy will also be seen here today. For Monday there has been another strong bill booked of both vaudeville and photopiays.
Norwich bulletin., 1913-12-27
HUMCR OF HE DAY

Prof-A fool can ask more questions than wise man can answer Stude- No wonder so many of us funk in our exams!-Penn State Froth.
 Wife Cat dinner)-You don't seem to like rice. Husband-No; it's associated with one of the greatest mistakes oe my life.-London Sketch.
 Girl (to prominent actor)-I suppose there is some role you take special in- terest in? Actor-Yes, my dear young lady, the payroll.-Boston Transcript,
 What advantage do you claim for the reference book which you have bought? ?'' I" never knew of another book from which one could not find out so quickly what it does not con- tain. Buffalo Express.
 T am very uneasy; I am sure my wife has gone out without her um- brella." "Oh, she will certainly seek refuge in a shop" That's Nwhas makes me uneasy."-London Opinion.
 "Pa, what does 1t mean when they say a man Is the life of the party? % ''The life of a party, my boy, is q man who buys while the other fellows are hanging back trying to remembeP whose turn 1t is."-Detroit Free Press,
 Tt is wrong for an old man to marry young fool" "But how is he to know that she is a fool2" When she says yes to his proposal he ought to know it."-Houston Post.
 Fashionable Lady-Give me five yards of this goods, please. Clerk But, madam, you vii not need moro than half a yard for veil. Fashion able Lady-I don't want 1t for a veil, I want it for a. dinner gown.-Stanford Chapparral.
 Candid Hostess Con seeing her nephews fiancee for the first time)-- never should have known you from your photograph. Reggie told me you were so pretty. Reggie's Hancee-No, I'm not pretty, so I have toN try and be nice, and it's such a bore. Have you ever tried 2-Punch.
 My dear, you have grown wonder@ fully thinner in these last months. Are you taking some treatmentF' Not a2 all! It's all come through the worry have with my new cook" Aren't you giving her notice?" "Of course, ! am. I shall worry myself down to 150 pounds and then out she goes!"--4 Meggendorfer Blaetter.
 Parent-Agatha, feel that you were unwise in refusing young MT. Sim- plisimis. Agatha-Why, mother, he's such @ weak little mani Parent-EX- actly. The meek way in which he ac- cepted his dismissal proved that he is of the stuff from which satisfactory husbands are made.-Judge,