davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
GOT HIS NOTES MIXED UP
Absent-Minded Man Has Some Diff
Guilty at the Book Store and
the Grocers'

the Grocers'.
AS the little man walked absent
mindedly along the sidewalk he sud
denly stopped in front of bookstore.
1t recalled to him the meaning of that
piece of string on his finger, and with
frightened face he entered.
"Just minute" he said to the
clerk. my wife wanted me to get
a book for her--a certain novel she's
heard good deal about. must find
the memorandum she gave me. She
wrote the name on aislip of paper,
and put 1t in my pocket"
After considerable fumbling he pro
duced a small bit of paper, and laying
1t on the counter took out his spec
tacles and adjusted them on his nose,
Here's the name Cobb's Corna.
tine. Yes, that's It."
Tin afraid don't know the
book, sir" said the clerk apologetical-
ly, "but I'll look through the list OF
new ones" And he ran his eye over
the list on the wall. "No, I'm sorry
to say l can't find it here. You are
sure of the manner"
ASS, ~ rlBuL ueTe Oh tnlS piece
of paper"
well, I'm afraid we haven't got
1t then"
"But--but / don't dare to go home
to my wife without it. l promised to
get 1t for her."
The clerk called to another in the
back of the store, who came forward.
To the other he said: Say, Bill, do
you know "a book called Cornat!ne,
by fellow named Cobb?"
Whats that?" he asked In sur.
prise.
The old gentleman broke In.
"Cobb's Cornatine. Here, see for your
SELF"
I'm afraid you've made mistake, =
said the new arrival with a twinkle.
"Cobb's Cornatine is new breakfast
food"
"Ah, now l see why the grocer
didn't understand ime when I asked
him for package of Queen" remark
ed the customer In manifest relief.
e. Kaemmerling in Puck.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
May Ward off Pneumonia.

Here is a recipe which a physician
gave me several years ago, says a
writer, and I have used 1t In my fam
lily ever since. For coughs, colds or
any bronchial trouble saturate a flan.
mel cloth and apply to chest: Turpen-
tine liniment-Take a pint bottle, put
In white of one egg, shake well, add
four tablespoonfuls turpentine, shake
TIL foamy than fill with good vinegar;
shake well.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
In Classic Boston.

Signs seen In Boston, according to
the Transcript: Placard at a moving
picture show: Young children must
have parents" In a barber shop win
dow: During alterations patrons will
be shaved in the back" Sign in a
fremont street store: Empty boxes
suitable for Christmas gifts" In a
tailor's shop: 'We dye for others, why
not let us dye for you?" In cloth
ing store: These pants will look bet
ter on your legs than on our hands,"
A silversmith has place next door to
restaurant. The former having put
up placard: "Jewelry of all kinds
plated" The restaurant keeper fol-
lowed with this: "Oysters and little
neck clans plated"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
oestlno seed Grain E.rlv

DO not wait until spring to clean
and grade your seed grain. Do II now.
while you have plenty of grain at
hand from which to select The best
twenty-five bushels of grain out of a
hundred bushels are worth much
more for seed than is the grain that
can be cleaned from a much smaller
amount in the spring. The cost OF
thus cleaning and grading the grain
10 very slight and 1t enables one tc
have heavy. plump seed grain at very
little outlay.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Gigantic Boo Oak Tree.

Twenty tons of bog oak were re-
Gently unearthed at Llanwrtyd Wells,
Wales. 1t measures 48 feet long with
a diameter of 2 feet 9 inches. This
giant oak tree is by far the largest
which has been found within memory
on the peat land near Llanwrtyd. Por-
tions of 1t have been exposed for some
Years, but no one thought it of such
dimensions and no interest was taken
In it until few years ago.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Word Much Misused. .

Elk" is one of the words that we
Americans habitually misuse, but 1t is
not often that the mistake leads to
such absurdity as 1t does in the label
OF certain stain-remover now on the
market. 1T will fix the STAIN" says
the notice. Since Elk" means to make
permanent, the manufacturers of the
stain-remover have not said quite
what they intended to say.--Youth's
Companion.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30

Don't kick because you have to but.
ton your wife's waist. Be glad your
wife has a waist, and doubly glad
you have q wife to button a waist
for. Some mems wives waists have
not bottoms on to button. Some mems
wives waists who have buttons on to
button don't care a continental wheth
er they are buttoned or not Some
men don't have any wives with waists
with buttons on to button.-Teague
(Tex.) Chronicle.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
FREE ADVICE

For the cure and prevention of every disease
with HERBS-NATURE'S OWN REMEDIES.
Are you sick? Have you friend that's sick?
Write today for symptom blank and we will
diagnose your case free of charge and tell
you what remedies are needed to cure your
self at home. Aid Dept. American Herb Doc
tor, 4158 Arcade Bldg, Seattle, Wash.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30

Truth is cleverer and healthier than
falsehood. 1t is more aristocratic.
Like self-control, it is one of the hall
marks Of lady. Lies are malaria
that eats into character like a dis
ease and breaks down its citadels
against the approach OF evil.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Fort Scott WlttIclsm.

At a recent banquent In Fort Scott
the Tribune says, man was called
upon to make a speech. OF course he
was surprised that he should be asked
to talk, but he was equal to the oc-
casion, and he stood up and said !:
Gentlemen, you have been eating a
turkey stuffed with sage, now you will
listen to sage stuffed with turkey"
Everybody laughed and the man i'm
mediately became known as a famous
wag, and the mot is highly esteemed
in those parts.-Kansas City Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Why He was Glad.

The man with the long beard stood
pensively at the curbing gazing at
the passing traffic in the street. II
hail with delight the advent of the
automobile" he 8muttered aloud, "for
no longer need fear crossing the
street lest some hungry horse mistake
me for walking bale of hay"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Each Pew q Heater

A Nuremberg church seating 1900
has an electric heater for each pew.
A three-inch iron tube incloses a
smaller tube wound with resistance
wire, and this heater runs In front OF
the seat and along the back of the
pew ahead. Each heater has its own
switch.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
When Your Eyes Need Care

Try Murine Eye Remedy. No smarting--Feels
Fine-Acts Quickly. Try 1t for Red, Weak,
Watery Eyes and Granulated Eyelids. Illus
trated Book In each Package. Murine is
compounded by our oculists--not a "Patent Med
icine" but used In SUCCESSFUL Physicians' PraS'
c and sold by Druggists at 25c and 60c per Bottle.
Murine Eye Salve In Aseptic Tubes, $50 and Soc.
Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30

Some years ago in a western min
ing town q man was found dead in his
hotel room hanged to a bedpost by
his suspenders. The jury of miners
brought in the following verdict at
the coroner's inquest; Deceased came
to his death by coming home full and
mistaking himself for his pants"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Art or Service.

A leader of chamber music string
quartet used to say that he was never
sure when he approached q private
house whether he would be let in
with the caterers men at the back or
with the honored guests at the 'front.'
New York Evening Post.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Girl. SUFFERED
TERRIBLY
At Regular Intervals Says
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound COM
pletcly cured her.
Adrian, Texas. .-"I take pleasure in
adding my testimonial to the great list

and hope that it will
be of interest to suf-
,fering women. For
four years ! suffered
untold agonies at
regular intervals.
Such pains 8 an d
cramps, severe chills
andsicknessat stom-
ach, then finally hem
orrhages un til I
would be n e arly
blind. I had five
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
To Brea,: in New Shoes.

Always shake In Aliens Foot Ease, powder
y y, cures NOT sweating, aching. swollen feet
cures corns, 1ngrowing nails and bunions. Al
All druggists and shoe steres, 25c. Don't accent
any substitute. Sample mailed FREE. Address
Allen S. Olmsted, LIE Roy. N Y.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
CONSTIPATION

Munyon's Paw-Paw
Pillsare unlike all 9TH
er laxatives or cathar-
tics. They coax the
liver into activity by
gentle methods, they
do not scour; they do
not gripe; they do not
weaken: but they do
start all the secretions
of the liver and ston1-
ach in a way that soon
puts these organs in a
healthy condition and
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30

corrects constipation. Munyon's Paw-Paw
Pills are tonic to the stomach, liver and
nerves. They invigorats instead Of weaken:
they enrich the blood instead of impover-
ishing it; they enable the stomach to get all
the nourishment from food that is put into
It. Price rs cents. All Druggists
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
One at a Time.

"The head of the Krupp steel works
has $4,000 employees" Nothing to
brag Of" opined the housewife. 1--WE
had that many In my kitchen, but not
all at once, louisville Courier-Jour-
nal.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Daily Thought.

Such are the habitual thoughts,
such also will be the character of thy
mind, for the soul is dying by the
Aurelius.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
COLT .DISTEMPER
New Methods In Vogue.

What made you take down that
sign No Agents or Solicitors Allowed
in This Building%" "It's no use any
MORE" replied the janitor. ANYBODY
who wants to take down the public's
spare change nowadays gets out a
prospectus and uses postage stamps"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Literal.

do you like my execution on the
pianoT Il must say would have
to describe 1t as an execution for kill.
Ing time"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
ExcusA k1lIntlnn

Dodge-"What's the matter with
your cooking here lately" Mrs. Dodge
The gas company doesn't give us
as good gas as it used to."--Kansas
City Times.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30

Some Measure Of Love important.
1t Is best to love wisely, no doubt;
but to love foolishly is better than
not to be able to love at all.-Thack-
cray.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Mistaken View.

Strange tricks our vanity will play,
and egotistic is lifes plan. A fish,
which grabbed hook one day, at first
believed he'd caught q man!
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Ills MlstaLa

"Why have you quarreled with your
cousin?" HE kissed me the other
day, and when asked him to promise
me never to do It again, be actually
did"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
EVIL of Untruth.

Don't buy water for bluing. Liquid blue Ia al
most all water. Buy Red Cross Ball blue. the
blue that's all blue.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Would Leave Nature Alone.

Would Leave Nature Alone.
when Nature has decided on the
color of an eye, 1t Is not for man to
alter it." remarked Mr.. Plowden at
Marylebone in fininga q man for black
fening another mans optic. London
Chronicle.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
The Lesser Evil.

Mothers WIN find Mrs. winslow's Soothing
syrup II best remedy to use for their ohildean
curing s1e teething period.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Appreciate Your Blessings.

Water in bluing Is adulteration Glass and wa
ter make liquid blue costly. Buy Red Cross Ball
Blue makes clothes whittier than snow.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
The MIser.

The MIser.
Here" said Teddy's papa, showing
the little boy a coin, sis penny 800
years old. 1t was given to me when
was a little boy" Gee whiz!" ejacu-
lated Teddy. lust think of anybody
being able to keep a penny as long as
that without spending It,"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
Thounht of IL.

For a thing that springs mostly
from badly digested misinformation,
public sentiment is amazingly often
rfght.-Puck.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
PILES CURED IN 6 10 Il DAYS
StorY Iones Tells.

Your druggist will refund money If PAZ0 ONT.
MENT fails to cure any case of Itching Blind.
Bleeding or Protruding Piles IN 70 Il DAYS. SOC.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30

He-Yes, I'm going to apply may tai
ents; but / don't know whether to go
In for art or poetry.
She-Oh, poetry!
He-0h, you've heard some of my
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30

TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine Tablets.
DRUGGISTS refund money if it fails to cure. E. W..
GROVES signature Is on each box. 25c.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30

she-No; but I've seen some Of your
art.-Judge.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30
The C Gee Wo
Chinese Medicine 60.
1924 First St. cor. Morrison
papr4 kfz4 On
PUTNAM FADELEsS DYES

one loc package colcrs sk, and cotton auualy
EoNRoE DRUG COMPANY. Quincy. y III nIzsis. IL
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30

Color more gooda brighter and faster colors than
well and "a guaranteed to give perfect results
eoekast hew 20 dye. bleach and mix colcrs.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-05-30

For Sale--59 a. In Douglas Co.. Wash, mr. Orondo;
so a. cult, best producing orchards in the state;
Groom house, barn. outbuildings, stock. machin-
cry. A. j. Elliott, Orondo. WASH.
The Washington times., 1913-07-16
POSLAM HEALS
THE SKIN WITH
SPEED AND EASE

II you are not familiar with the
rapid action Of Poslam In the relief
and eradication of any skin trouble
you will be astonisied to see how read
lily II takes hold and how easily its
work Is accomplished.
And you can literally SEE its results,
for after every application Improvement
Is usually noticed. Itching stops and
angry, burning skin is soothed, cooled
and comforted at the very outset
Ecsema. tetter, psoriasis, piles, skim
scale, salt rheum, BARRIERS and all other
forms Of itch are quickly eradicated By
Poslam. Slight troubles, such as pina-
pies. red and infiamed noses, rashes,
sunburn. hives, prickly heat. complexion
blemishes, etc. respond SO readily that
overnight treatment is often sufficient
POSLAM SOAP improves the health,
color and quality Of the skin beauti-
fies complexions, renders the hands soft
and velvety.
All druggists sell Poslam (price, 80
cents} and Poslam Soap lpnce, Is
Emergency Laboratories, 80 West 25th
Street. New York City.-Advt
The Washington times., 1913-07-16
E.E. JORDAN ANSWERS
W|FE'S DIVORCE BILL
"Neither Admits Nor Denies"
Charges of Misconduct
While on Baltimore Trip.

Eldridee z. Jordan, former president
of the United States Trust Company
and now chairman of the board of di-
rectors of that institution. filed an an
ever in the District Supreme Court to-
day to the petition OF his wife, Martha
Tyson Manly Jordan. for an absolute
divorce.
In rgard to the specific charges OF
misconduct in Baltimore last month
and In New York last winter, the bank
er neither admits nor denies" He
makes the same reply 10 the two para
graphs wherein Mrs. Jordan AYERS that
she did not condone the alleged acts,
and that she had been "a true aud
faithful wife,
Relative to the portion of Mrs. Jor-
dams bill setting forth the reasons for
the separation, Mr.. Jordan says:
This defendant admits that prior 70
February, 1913. unhappy contests and
differences arose. between the plaintiff
snd this defendant. He denies. how
ever, that such contests and differences
We're due to any Improper conduct or
neglect on his part. He admits that the
plaintiff separated from him IN the
month Of February. 1918, and has since
lived apart from him, but he denies
that she was compelled for any reason
10 to do, and AYERS that euch action
was voluntary on her part
Mr.. Jordan admits that he was absent
from home "at various times" but con-
The Washington times., 1913-07-16
FREE DELIVERY ZONE
DECISION UNSETTLED
Railroads Are Given Months
Extension of Time to Deter
mine Course.

An extension from August I to Sep
tember / was given the railroads today
in the store door delivery cases. Ac-
cordingly the railroads now have one
more month in which to decide whether
they will give free delivery Of freight
In this city and Anacostia as we'll as
In Baltimore, or whether they will cut
II out altogether.
The Interstate Commerce Commission
ruled some time ago that II Baltimore
enjoys this service. Washington must,
and that II Washington has this service,
Anacostia must be included.
The railroads affected have not indi-
Gated what they will do except to make
the request for the months extension in
time. This is thought by some to hint
that they will continue the service. In
Baltimore, owing to lack of freight
terminal facilities, such service is need
ed. Here in Washington, the roads
could now get along better by making
the merchants haul their own shipments
1t is regarded as likely that, when
big freight stations are built in Balti-
more, the service will be cut out en-
tirely as it is an expense to the roads.
and they are under no compulSion to
give IL, except that II they give II In
the one city they must in another.
The Washington times., 1913-07-16
RAILROAD DAY At
CHESAPEAKE BEACH
Traction Relief Association and
Guests, 5000 Strong, on
Annual Outing.

Ever ytrain to Chesapeake Beach to-
day is carrying members OF the Capital
Traction Employees Relief Association
on the annual outing Of that orEaniza-
ton.
A. Darcy, chairman Of the committee
On entertainment has charge Of general
affairs connected with the outing, snd is
assisted by H. D. Champion. secretary.
Others engaged in boosting include
Frank jenkins, William Lewis. j. A.
Lynn. George Cookman, F. Hewett. L.
Meyerhofer. NJ Lynn. Charles Sand
blower. Frank Nelson.
Practically every employe of the rail-
road company who can get away is out
on the excursion. With them 60 wives,
mothers, sisters, sweethearts. But most
enthusiastic of the crowd are the kid
dies"
Athletic stunts of all kinds are being
carried out There are 100-yard dashes
for men. boys under twelve years OF
age, and for girls under sixteen; egg
races for women and fat men, ana q
baseball throwing contest for girls. The
prizes have been donated by business
concerns of the city for the benefit OF
the railroad employees.
Extra train service Is being provided
by the Chesapeake Beach Railroad
Company.
The Washington times., 1913-07-16
Collection Is Taken
To Aid Summer Camps

Camp Good Will and Camp Pleasant
will be aided by a collection TO be taken
up at the afternoon and evening per-
formances Friday at Polls Theater. A
similar collection was taken last year,
and this, with the sale Of flowers In the
lobby by Miss Jewel and Miss Kert,
netted $50.
On Friday, too, q host OF young wom-
en- workers In behalf Of these summer
philanthropies will be stationed in the
department stores, in the hotels. and
railroad terminals to receive contribu-
uons. General headquarters" for the
day will be a decorated Limousine sta
toned at Twelfth and F streets. pro-
vided by G.. r. Cowie.
The Washington times., 1913-07-16
Congressman Joining
Mems Suffrage League

Late additions to the Washington
Mems League In Favor of Woman Suf-
frage include Congressman Warren
Worth Bailey Of Pennsylvania. Con-
gresham William Kent Of California,
and Congressman r. B. Stevens OF New
Hampshire. Letters to Miss Paul.
chairman OF the Congressional commit
tee, here today congratulated her on
the formation Of the mems league, ac-
cepted the invitation to Join, and ex-
cause
Senator Moses e. Clapp Of Minnesota
also congra atulated the women on hav-
ing formed the mems league. and wish
ed them success in the new movement
He did not offer to Join the league. how
ever.
The Washington times., 1913-07-16
Mother Takes Custody
Of Stabbed Mans Babies

The future of the two little children
of John H Hammond. an iron worker.
who was stabbed in the back In a
PENNSYLVANIA avenue hotel. was solved
when the mother of the little ones ap-
peared and tok them away TO their
rrandmother's. Today they are play
ing happily about the house at 1643 Wis
consin avenue, under the watchful eye
of their grandmother. Mrs. Annie
CIementson and their mother, Mrs.
EfYie Hammond, unconscious OF the
tragedy which Is so intimately connect
ed with their lives.
The Washington times., 1913-07-16

tends that such absences were ''neces-
sary and proper" He denies further
that there were any acts Of misconduct
on his part while he was away from
home on these occasions.
The answer in regard to allegations
Of specific wrong doing is in q technical
way. and does not Indicate that Mr.
Jordan Will not attempt TO refute the
charges fully whe ntestimony is taken
before an examiner. G. Bealle Bioomer
is counsel for Mr. Jordan.
The Washington times., 1913-07-16

This exact Six-foot Extension Table.
with a 45-inch top. In the popular
colonial design. II IL solid golden
oak, with q polished finish that will
give durable service. Special net re-
duced price. sI275
$3.50 Hastings Tables. now s1s.3.