davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-05-17
Some 200 years ago, an Italian al

Some zoo years ago, an Italian al
chemist undertook to fly from England
to France, but soon came to the ground
and broke his leg--an accident which
he explained by asserting that the
wings he employed contained some
fowls feathers, which had an affinity"
for the dung hill, whereas il they had
been composed solely Of eagles feath-
ers they would have been attracted to
the air.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-05-17
NOTHING SERIOUS
L Wonder Why?

Wonder Why?
A bachelor may safely tarry
Till sixty-odd, then up and marry
A little thing of twenty-five.
'Tis right and proper 80 to do.
Disparity of ages
Poohi
A maid till thirty-odd may wait
To wed youth of twenty-eight.
Now hear the folks begin to guy!
Just listen to the hue and cry:
Disparity of ages
Fie!
wonder why? Judge.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-05-17
Needed to Be Explained.

NttUCU 10 DC ENUIdIItU.
Mrs. Hennessey, who was a
late arrival in the neighborhood,
was entertaining a neighbor one
afternoon when the latter in
quired:
can what does your old man
do, Mrs. Hennessey?"
Sure he is a diamond cutter. "
eye don't name it'll"
"Yis; he cuts tn grass off tn
baseball grounds. "-Lippincott's s.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Bad Form to Be Amazino

There are no posers on the grand scale now. Our musicians have sho, hair and play golf. Authors canno, be distinguished from ordinary men Art students are abandoning the, amazing clothes. Even poets have given up poetical locks, and instead of writing pretty fancies worry us with poems of the outspoken natural school Music is in tweeds, literature is in navy blue. and poetry Is in a bowler hat. Apparently there Is no chance 0, any return of affectation. The world becomes more natural every day, and every hour some neglected pose dies a natural death. There are no startlns and picturesque figures. The glitter ing Whistler was the last of the artis tic masters to pose, the last man will ing to spend an hour before looking glass, the last man-to use his own worldwide could be called amazing" For now it is bad form to be amazing, and every one Is expected to be as in. significant as possible. The only at fectation left Is the affectation of be ing natural And there could not be duller one.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
MAKE AN APPEAL TO WILSON
Anti-Saioon Men Ask President to
 Urge Prohibition Amendment.

Western Newspaper Union News Serv,~,
 Columbus, O.-Pres.dent Wilson has been memorialized to ask Congress to submit a constitutional amendment looking to the abolition of the liquor traffic in the country at large. The memorial, signed by a special commit tee of 25 named at the Anti-Saloon League demonstration on the steps Of the capitol in Washington on De- cember 10, was an outgrowth of the Ia.lonal convention of the Anti-Saloon League of America and other temper ance forces held in Columbus Novem- Der 10-14.
 President Wilson was unable to re- ceive the special committee upon the occasion of the Washington domon- stration, and the memorial just sent 60 the White House was issued in lieu of personal hearing. It asserts in effect that nationwide prohibition would be an advanced step in the ap- plication of the declarations of the Baltimore platform upon which Presi- dent Wilson was elected
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
WOULD HAVE THEM HANDY
Married Mans Explanation of Large Order VIII Be Understood by
 Many Similar Unfortunates.

A brisk individual with the accumu- lated look of 20 winters of married life entered hardware shop and without waiting for preliminaries asked
 Do you keep hammers here?"
 That is our speciality, sir"
 Put me down for a dozen. How about screwdrivers ?"
 Our great feature. Patent reversi- ble or plain edge?"
 Give me a dozen of each If you have any other varieties I'll take 'em, too. How about gimlets?"
 You are now mentioning our pet product. All styles"
 Give me all styles-long. short, me dium, thick, thin, from the size of a needle to pickax Saws?"
 "Of every description"
 I'll take 'em-say half dozen or so-cross-cut, plain, round and square" "
 It's down, sir Can l interest you in nails ?"
 You can indeed. I'll take some of all that you have, put up in separate packages; also tacks, brads, screws, rivets, staples-everything. And want hooks, every hook you have, big and little. Also"
 The clerk leaned forward.
 Pardon me. sir" he said. You seem like a sensible person. Unless you are opening up a business. I am at loss to understand your require ments"
 Tt Is perfectly simple, sir" said the brisk person. T have been married Tor 21 years. and not once since the ceremony have been able to locate a single implement when l wanted to put up a calendar or do any other nee essary thing about the house, and the next time there is need of anything oone am going. so far as human fore sight can provide for it, to have the means instantly to put my impulse in. to play. Life.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26

Western Newspaper Union News Service.
 Fl Palso, Tex.-Northern Mexico is to be made a wilderness, according to information that has been received here. Realizing the impossibiHty of taking the country from the rebels, Victoriano Huerta has ordered the remnants of his army, now at Ojina- ga, to begin campaign of destruc- tion that will make the states of Chihuahua and Coahuila untenable for Pancho Villa and his followers. Vil lages are to be laid waste and farms swept off the map. The campaign will be similar to that waged several months ago against Zapata in south ern Mexico.
 Particular attention is to be paid the Mormon colonies in the vicinity of Cases Grandes. Inez Salazar, the Socialist general, has been chosen by Huerta to command the column of destruction that will march against the Mormons. Two years ago during the Orozco revolution, Salazar de. stroyed much of the Mormons proper ty and forced them to flee to the United States. Salazar's orders, as learned here, are to march from Ojina- ga to Cases Grandes, sweeping a path 20 miles wide for the entire distance Everything in this path will be de. stroyed. No attack will be made on Juarez at the present time, the idea simply being to make the northern portion of the states untenable.
 While Salazar thus is engaged, Pas cual Orozco will proceed up the Con chos river from Ojinaga, through Gu emilia Pardo to Santa Rosalia, where a junction will be formed with Gen. erals Veladeo and Navarette, from Torreon. The combined armies then will attack Chihuahua City Both armies will destroy everything possi. ble on their marches to Santa Rosalia
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
TEDDY AND CHILEAN CLASH
Former President Resents Attack on
 the Monroe Doctrine

Western Newspaper Union News Service
 ngton.-Members of the diplo matic corps, especially representatives from the South American countries were greatly interested in a report reaching Washington that former President Roosevelt and Dr. Marcial Martinez, al one time Chilean minis ter to the United States, had clashed in Santiago de Cuba because of diver gent views on the Monroe doctrine.
 The Chilean is reported to have dis. sented strongly from the Roosevelt view that the much duscussed doc. Urine still is vital issue.
 In his address at the Roosevelt re, cepton, pr. Martinez dealt with the Monroe doctrine. characterizing it ae a dead issue and arguing that the conditions which gave rise to its pro. mitigation by President Monroe in 1923 have disappeared almost entirely This statement is said to have arcus ed the ire of Colonel Roosevelt whc replied with some hoat, holding that the Monroe doctrine still was a vita, principle of the foreign policy os tho United States. He is said. too tc have suggested to the Chilean diplo mat that it was ill-advisad on such an occasion to inaugurate a contro versy.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Posts, Up or Down?

The agricultural experiment station of Ohio has been making some tests as to which end of post should Do set in the ground Farmers generally believe in planting 1t with the butt or root end upward. on the pinclph that, as it is easier for the sap to run up the tree than down 1t, setting tns post upside down tends to prevent tho rise of water and helps to keep tho wood dry.
 The Ohio officials planted l56 blaci locust posts 20 years ago. One-tnlu of those set top down have rotted on and only a little more than one-siIu of those set top up have met slmila fate. They reach the conclusion lna there is no difference which end put into the ground, except that 'n' sounder or longer end should na'' the preference.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
POSTAL BANK DEPOSITS BIG
More Than sa3 ,ooc 900 Was in Govern
 ment Hands June 30, 1913.
.stern Ncmsnnner rr,cn N..rs sn-r,no

Western Newspaper Cr'Nn N-ws 9n-v'cc
 Washin ngton.-Difficulties experienc- ed by postal officials in teaching the people to save and economize are set forth by Third Assistant Postmaster General Cookery in his annual report just made public MT. Dockery rec ommends the inauguration of a cam paign of education by which the peo- pie may be brought into closer touch with the postal saving service.
 A statement showing the growth of the postal savings bank system is con tained in the report, At the close of the first six months of operation there were ll.91S depositors with s677,145 placed to their credit. On June 30. 1913. al the close of two and a half years. there were S31 ,006 depositors with $33,slS,970 to their credit.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
REbUkE FOR ARMY
 AND NAVY OFFICERS
PRESIDENT ORDERS THOSE RE- SPONSIBLE FOR cARABOA
 DINNER REPRlMANDED.
SC0RNS THEIR IDEA OF FUN
Copy of Executives Letter Is Sent to Each Member of Committee Which
 Prepared Program.
Western Newspaper Union News Service.

Western Newspaper Union News Service
 Washington.-P Wilson has made public letter addressed to Secretaries Garrison and Daniels, re- spectively, requesting that "a very serious reprimand" be administered to those army and navy officers who participated in the recent dinner of the military order of the Caraboa, at which the administrators Philippine and other policies were satirized
 T am told that the songs and other amusements of the evening were i1- tended and regarded as fun" says the president What are we to think of officers of the army and navy of the United States who think it fun to bring their official superiors into ridi- cule and the policies of the govern ment which they are sworn 10 serve with unouestioning loyalty into con- tempt? If this is their idea of fun, what is their idea of duty? If they do not hold their loyalty above all silly effervescences of childish wit, what about their profession. Do they hold 1t sacred?"
 Secretaries Garrison and Daniels de- cided to administer the reprimand by transmitting copy of the presidents letter to each member of the Enter tainment Committee.
 Secretary Garrison immediately sent this memorandum to Maj Gen. Leon- ard Wood, chief of staff of the army:
 "It is hereby ordered that the of ficers of the United States army who were on the Dinner Committee and therefore were responsible for the pro- gram of entertainment at the recent dinner of the Military Order of the Caraboa, held on December II, 1913, be reprimanded in pursuance of the communication of the president to me, dated December 22, 1913, copy herewith. The form that the repri- mar,i should take should be to fur nish each of said officers copy of the letter from the president"
 Secretary Daniels issued a similar order, making the presidential rebuka effective so far as navy officers are concerned.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Makes New Balloon Record

Berlin.-Herr Kevlon, a German bal. loonist who with two passengers as. canded from Bitterfield, Prussian Sax. ony, in the balloon Duisburg on De cemher l3. reported that he had de- seended at Perm, a town in Euyopean Russia, near the Siberian frontier. thus establishing a worlds distance and duration record for spherical bal. looms. The Duisburg was in the air ST hours and travelled 1,73S.S miles
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Land Brinqs Record Price

New York-A new record price for New York city land is established in a transaction just recorded for a plot T34 by 100 feet, located at Fifth ave nue and Forty-second street. The price was s2,250,0o0. equivalent to S307 a square foot. Statisticians figured that if this record value ruled throughout Manhattan Island. it's 219 square miles of area would be worth the stu. pendous sum of $1S7534,S46.72O. This exceeds by more than SS0,O00,00o th 2 total weath of the Uaited States.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Warrant Issued for Banker.

Topeka, Kan.-A warrant for the arrest of c. G. Kicker, formerly presi- dent Of the defunct Yates Center Na- tional hank of Yates Center, Kan has been issued. according to govern. nent officials They said shortag as and liabilities would probably amount to about Sl75,o0O, ard that Kicker had disappeared. The warrant charges him with making false entries on the hanks books and making false reports to the comptroller of the currency.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Plain Prophecy.

What did the doctor tell you today aoout old Uncle Jake's conditlon?"
 He was telling us that his mean temperature was"
 Telling you about his mean tenn perature. was he? That's no news. Everybody who knows Uncle Jake knows that he hasn't anything about him that isn't mean"
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Scientist Killed in Philippines

Manila, P. I.-C, B. Robinsan, a bot. anist in the Bureau of Science. De partment of the Interior. of the Phil ippine Islands. has been killed by na. tiyes of Amboyna Island. Malay Archi- pelago He had undertaken an expedi. tion for the study of the flora of the island
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Recreant Auditor.

You went to sleep during ' wife's speech" .usn
 Yes" replied MT Meekton, as.h M rietta has been rehearsing Una. 'p .,,s, for a week. told her had u' ny, not come here. I knew sometnins shOui this would happen If she couldn s sray, Are you listening. Leonidas now and then"
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Sensible Realization.

Where is the young "" these days?
 De Fonte-Doing we'll Always - a dollar and wears new sui'' realized something.
 Quinn - Sold some of his p0s'D' eh? |.
 DeFonte-No, realized that ne not poet and got JoD as w" keeper.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
CAMPAIGN OF DESTRUCTION SAID TO HAVE BEEN ORDERED
 BY HUERTA.
M0RM0NS TO BE VICTIMS
Force Commanded by SaIazar Will Sweep Twenty-Mile Path,
 It is Said.
OFFICERS OF ENTIRE
 BATTALIAN EXECUTED.

Hermosilio, Sonora.-The com missioned officers and many ser geants and corporaIs of the Tenth Battalion of the Federal garrison at Guaynas were executed in that city, according to word brought here by fugitives, Officers and men of the Tenth were disarmed several days ago by General Oje- da, Federal commandant, when he discovered they were plotting to desert to the insurgents.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Of Contradictory Weioht.

What does you understan by cir cumstantial evidence?'" asked Miss Miami Brown.
 As near as I kin splain it. fun de way It has been splained to me-" an- sWered Erasmus Pinkley. "circum stantial evidence is de feathers dat you leaves lyin' round after you has done ct de chicken"
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Slow to Realize.

My dear said MT Bickers to his Wife' T saw in the papers today de- clsion of a Virginia court that the wife may. ln some cases. be the head of the family"
 John Henry" replied Mrs. Bickers. the courts are sometimes very slow in hndlng out things Pluck.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
A Marvellous Lingulst' II

"Dobbs will never let hiA downed by anything.
 For instanceT ,er odl
 "He was reading he" ha esnt loud the other day and when !. 'withou, to a pied line he translated Il a moments hesitation.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Cranky Speeders.

Tjark-Ever notice these iiio.t ,.ort, winding up their machines in Every auto must carry a cf@nN ,om,
 Bjenks-Yes. from the we, ,oupt motorists yell at pedes'fiaA' tbrs. autos must carry two crank.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Notifications,

Tour speeches indicate that your views have changed"
 Net exactly. My constituents views have changed, and l am keap- Ing in touch with the wisdom of the plain pecHle."
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26

Los Angeles.-Court records of Los Angeles county were cleared cf tho McNamara dynamiting case when tn indictments charging bribery agains. Clarence s. Darrow. who was attornev for the dynamiters, were dis~ni4s q District Attorney Fredericks told Judge Jackson of the Superior Court that Darrow has been tried twjce once when the jury acquitted him and again when the jury diaagroe q and that the evidence in the light oe previous experience will not be suf1. cient to convict.
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
He Got 1t.

The doctor told Hobbs that he must take longer rest. so he bought himself racing automobile"
 Did that bring him rest?"
 Oh' yes. Hes in nice, quiet hos. pital for three months now"
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
Uncompllmentary'

Hicks-Your wife has no s humor. her. Hos Wicks-You never sA" do you know?
 H,cks-She married you
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26

Washington.-Representative Lewis "r Maryland, originator of the present movement in the house for govern ment ownership, in connection with the postal service, of the telegraph and telephone systems of the coun try, has presented resolution in structing the house Postofice Com. mittee to report a bin authorzine government acquisition of such meth. ods of conveyance of communication
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26
BIG WIRE MERGER
 10 BE DISSOLVED
BELL TELEPHONE COMPANY AGREES TO DISPOSE OF
 WESTERN UNION.

western News2a2er Union News Serv,ce.
 Washington.-Attorney General Nc Reynolds has made public details of an agreement for reorganization of the American Telephone and Tele- graph Company, the telephone trust" which will prevent litigation to dis solve that corporation under the anti trust act and under which competi- tive conditions will be restored in the telephone service of the entire coun try and the combine will dispose of it's holdings in the Western Union Telegraph Company.
 The reorganization plan originated with the company, although it follow ed many reports that a suit against it might be filed. It was regarded by the Department of Justice officials as the most striking indication offered in a decade that "big business" has come to the conclusion that it is better to conform to the sherman law than to fight it
 President Approves Plan.
 Ht pioi Ndo dppIONtu nedTlllN Dy President Wilson In letter to Mir McReynolds, the president expressed his admiration for the attitude of the telephone company, and his conviction that such conduct means building up of business on sound and perma- nent lines.
 Coming on the heels of the an- nouncement that Postmaster General Burleson is seriously interested in government ownership of telegraph lines, the action of the Department of Justice took an added significance. Some officials went so far as to ex- press the opinion that it indicates that legislation to acquire the country's telephone business will not be press ed by the administration at the pres. ent session
 In brief the agreement provides that:
 The American Telephone and Tele. graph Company will dispose promptly of it's holdings in the Western Union Telegraph Company so that each con cern shall be under distinct manage ment, and so that all shall be entire. ly independent.
 The company will not hereafter ac- quire control of other telephone com panies, and where control of tele phone companies have been acquired but no actual physical union has been 4t-
 Telegraph Company will submit the course it is to pursue to the Inter- state Commerce Commission and to the Department of Justice.
 The company will promptly make arrangements by which all other tele- phone companies in the United States shall have access to it's toll lines
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26

The Second District Agricultu~al school has an enrolment of 3l5. the largest in the history of the institution but room fer 100 more students will be provided by q new building which will be completed by January
The Forrest City times., 1913-12-26

An old cotton mill which ceased operations more than ten years ago and which was one of the landmarks of ArkadelDhia, has been torn down. The use of crude machinery was giv. en as the reason for the failure of the mill 10 prove a success.
 |" , z,
 Hiram J. White, a farmer who liv. ed near Belmont, Crawford county. arose from bed at 1:30 o'clock in the morning and committed suicide by shooting himse,i in the head with a shotgun. III health is said to have been the cause of the act.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-11-17
children HATE OIL,
CALOMEL AND PILLS
California Syrup Of Figs" for Tender
Stomach, Liver, Bowels =
Tastes Delicious.

L0ok hach az yolr childhood days.
Remember III dose" mother insisted
or castor OIL ealonel, cathartics. How
you rated hen how you fought against
taxing nem
With our children, it's different.
Ngther vino rllng to the old form of
physie imply cont realize what they
DO The children 8 revolt is well-found-
cd. their telg little "insides" are
Injured by taea
q your eai 5 stomach, liver and
bowels aeed q nsing, give only deli
,ous "Ca.i'mra Syrup of Figs" Its
a,ti9n is po, e, but gentle. Millions
Vi mother LaaJ this harmless fruit
lm&ahgc bu Z; that it never fails to
clraa lha and bowels and sweeten
ltb' iton4ab that teaspoonful Civ.
al today sud sick child tomorrow.
ASK your uggist for 50.cent bot
tie az iornia Syrup of Figs"
which has II directions for babies,
children 4 ages and for grown-ups
plainly lH th bottle. Beware of coun-
torfeils lere. See that it is made
by "tg.Il ia Fig Syrup Company.
.Rs'ns lu other kind with contempt
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-11-17
THROW AWAY YOUR
EYEGLASSES
A FREE PRESCRIPTION.

You Can Have Filled and Use at Home.
Do you wear glassesi Are you vic
tim Of eyestrain or other eye-weaknessf
If so, you will be glad to know that
there is real hope for you. Many whose
eyes were failing say they have had
their eyes restored through the princi-
pie of this wonderful free prescription.
One man says after trying it: 81 was
almost blind could not see to read at
all. Now can read everything with
out any glasses and my eyes do not wa
ter any more At night they would
pain dreadfully; now they feel fine all
the time. 1t was like miracle to me. !"
A lady who used it says: "The atmos-
phere seemed hazy with or without
glasses, but after using this prescription
for fifteen days, everything seems clear.
can even read fine print without
glasses" 1t is believed that thousands
who wear glasses can now discard them
in reasonable time and multitudes
more will be able to strengthen their
eyes so as to be spared the trouble and
expense Of ever getting glasses. Eye
troubles of many descriptions may be
wonderfully benefited by following the
simple rules. Here is the prescription;
4
Go to any active drug store and get a
bottle of Optona, fill a two ounce bot.
tie with warm water, drop in one Op-
tona tablet, and allow to dissolve With
this liquid bathe the eyes two to four
times daily. You should notice your
eyes clear up perceptibly right from the
start and inflammation will quickly dis.
appear. II your eyes are bothering you
even little take steps to save them
now before it is too late. Many hope
lessly blind might have been saved il
they had cared for their eyes in time.