The Washington herald., 1913-11-16

Ny Dear Mr.. President: Since your in
auguration and my reappointment as
postmaster Of this town OF Jericho the
following incidents have trod upon each
| others heels:
I have been called durn liar by Elder
Bascomb
/ have been knocked down by Deacon
Goodhue.
I have three times been mobbed by the
suffragigts
1 have been thrown out OF Literary Hall
1--WE times, and IL has always taken pint
of arnica each time to soothe the contu-
sions.
have been stoned on the street at
night
/ have had red ink spattered on the
front door Of my house as a sign that my
red blood Is to be shed
j have had the tail of my pig cut on
and nearly all my hens stolen.
have lost all my trade at the grocery
in dill pickles and baked beans
Ny name has been mentioned In prayers
at prayer meetings
have been bitten by dogs and kicked
by steers.
1 have been called turn-coat and a
fiop-doodle-
/ have been warned by anonymous let
ters that when the hour came for the
uprising Of the sons and daughters OF
freedom that I would be the first son OF
a gun to be Drained with an ak.
All the above and more, Mr.. President,
beside the personal sufferings of Mrs.
Pinkham. who was expelled from the
Liberty. Blood and Literary Society. be-
cause she would not mix my bichloride
Of mercury tablets with my cough drops!
Don't get the idea, Mr.. Wilson, that
/ am going back on you. When i flop
ped from the G. o. P. to the party in
power IL was flop to stay Topped
am as firm as a rock. and like all the
rest OF the political enthusiasts, / am all
there as long as my office holds out. 1t
is that l want surcease from this
troubling. and to bring the Jericho Post
Office up to the high standard set by me
the first week. 1 must admit that the
complaints of the citizens that postal
matters have gone to the devil since ]
took up politics are well founded.
As you are now firmly entrenched and
have got the whip hand. 1 feel that
can make a change without peril to
either of US. 1 hereby call your attention
to the following advertisements. cut from
the pages of the Jericho HowIer," the
leading weekly paper Of this part of the
State. It is neutral in politics. does not
believe that a lightning rod ever pro-
tected church, and has leaning to-
ward the Seven-Day Advents on Its re-
hgious page. Read this:
ITO the citizens of Jericho and sur
rounding country: This Is to inform you
that another barrel OF hard cider has
been tapped at the postoffice. and its
contents are free to all callers The
postmaster does not watch you while
you drink. Only postoffice in the known
world keeping free cider on tap. Your
patronage respectfully solicited
And this:
''Old Pap Pinkham, postmaster, wishes
in this public manner to correct an i'm
preston that has got abroad that he is
running this postofice in the interests
Of the First Baptist Church. Nothing
could be farther from the truth. While
old Pap is a member OF that church.
and is expecting to go skywards by that
particular route. he does not mingle re-
Hgion and business He has a smile of
welcome for all, even for well-known
sinners, and will as promptly hand out
the mail OF a hog-thief as q church
deacon. Call any time
And this:
'-Old Pap Pinkham has arranged to
sleep on cot in the postofice every
night in the year after this, and any one
wishing stamps or to inquire what quar-
ter the moon Is In can waken him up
at any old hour and it will be all right
with mail bag for a pillowr'
And this:
Take notice: -Four more rocking
chairs making nine in all, have been
placed in the corridor of the postoffice
by Old Pap Pinkham at his own expense.
They are for the use Of the old and in
firm while they wait No objections TO
their holding down the chairs and visit
Ing for two or three hours Only post
office on the globe provided with easy
chairs. Make a note of this when you
want anything in Old Pap's line"
And this:
There are at least forty checker
players in Jericho, and up to the pres
ent time there has been no place at
which they could gather. and cuss the
rich and the high cost OF living and
play the game Old Pap Pinkham,
postmaster. hereby announces that he
has hired the vacant cooper shop next
door to the postoffice and fitted IL up
as checker club free to all players.
Such notices as God Bless Our
Home greet the eye on every side.
Hot or cold cider and not a darn
cent TO pay!
NO interferenceN from the United
States government in case of a rowr
The place has been made sound
proof. and all kinds of cuss words will
be permitted!
wives who come looking for THAR
husbands at midnight will be furnished
with bludgeons!
Only postofice on the face Of the