davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16
By means of a grating
| have stopped your ating.

quiet smoke. For good while the
old man who smoked listened ane
didn't say much, but finally he got
sort of weary and turned loose on that
health crank. Now he said, 4 have
lived a little more than 70 years.
have smoked pipe for more than Sc
years. l have never paid out dollar
for doctors fees. If this is pois-
on it has worked mighty slow in my
case. Maybe l would have lived a
few years longer if l had never
touched tobacco, but as | have lived
about as long as l want to anyhow l
can't see that it makes so very much
difference. There is one thing GER
tain. If / am cuttin' myself off in
the flower of my manhood at the i'm
mature age of 80 or 80, amt goin' to
hold you responsible. My private
opinion is, however, that your lectur-
in and hectorin' me and rilin' me up
as you do is doin me a tarnel sight
more harm than this pipe and as this
happens to be on my premises, which
l have paid for with my own earnings
and which is free and unencumbered
from all mortgages and liens whatso-
ever prefer that you get off and stay
off. | would also advise that you git
a move on to onc't if not sooner, 9TH
erwise / might forget my religious
trainin' and bump you one. Further
more, | think maybe if l git started
you will find me right husky old boy
even if | have shortened my life by
the use of the noxious weed that you
talk about And there was some |
thing in the look of the old mans eve
that convinced the health crank that |
he meant business. After that the
old man smoked his pipe in peace.
Now | am not sayin' that that man
wasn't a genuine reformer. l think
ne was, but the trouble with him was
hat he insisted on having everybody
else toe up to the line he had estab-
ished in his mind. He couldn't see
hat what might be nourishin' and
healthy for one man would make an
,ther man sick. l hev seen men who
actually dotted on Limburger cheese
and they seemed to be about the
lealthiest human critters l ever laid
ny eyes on, but l don't want them to
.ome round me and insist that the :
lnly way to keep healthy is to eat
cheese regular"
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16
FALLS.

With this October weather particu-
larly in mind, is it permissible to
note that man has had fondness
for falls and falling things ever since
that first intimate experience with a
fall in the Garden of Eden?
What season is more loved than the
fall of the year? What period in his
tory holds more of interest than the
decline and fall Of the Roman EN-
pire7
From other falls, such as those Of
Niagara, Shoshone, Twin and Swan,
pass lightly now to falling things.
The rain on the roof-oh, it comes
DER us like the sweet sound that
breathes upon a bank of violets, pro-
vided the hay is all in the stack. The
falling; the leaves coming fantasia
cally down; the ''petals from blown
roses on the grass
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16
Tales of the Town

Memory is the only paradise out OF
which we cannot be driven.-Jean
Paul Richter.
There seems to be no loophole for
an appeal in the case of McGraw YER
sus McGillicudddy.
We are moved to wonder when we
consider how large corn crop may
be grown in one small shoe.
Too many cooks may spoil the
broth, but Philadelphia is convinced
it can't have too many Bakers.
An Emmett man was trying to de-
scribe his wife's new gown: ct has,
he said, "three says and two splits.p
What has become of the old-fash-
Toned child who shouted at bedtime.
Last one in bed is a colored baby?"
Although congress has taken the
duty off Bibles, congress has not re-
moved the duty of good citizens to
read them.
President Wilson'S fine hand is APP
parent in various of the new tariff
schedules. For instance, the duty on
BICYCLES was reduced 20 per cent.
4 4 q
If president fails to get any pet
MEASURE through congress, he is inca
able and joke. If he succeeds, he
5 ear and dictator Grand job, /
he president. 1
By reason of the failure of the cab /
age crop farmers in Ohio are report S
] to be making sauer kraut from tur-
FPS. One advantage of this expert
Ient is that it cannot spoil either the e
raut or the turnips.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16

1 thinking about it and arguing it till
\ finally that particular fad gets to be
bigger thing in his mind than any
thing else or everything else put to-
gether used to know one whose fad
was eating. He reasoned out a
theory and built it up till in his mind
there want crack in it anywhere.
His theory was that mans character
was determined by what he eat. He
insisted that if person eat certain
kind of grub and keep at it long
enough it would determine his dispo-
sition. For example, he insisted that
if man would live entirely on hog
meat in the course of time he would
get to have all the characteristics of
a hog, He would get so he would
grunt instead of talk like human be-
ling and would finally have an ire
|sistible desire to root in the dirt and
Pie in a wallow. If he lived on vege-
Fables and milk and fruits, on the
|other hand, he would become gentle
and an all around good man. So he
figured out bill of fare that he con-
sidered just the thing and commenced
ITO preach his diet doctrine to any per-
son who had the patience to listen to
him. The more he argued it the more
he got to be. When
person would take exceptions to his |
doctrine he would get hot and say that
the man was ignorant and vicious an |
a fool. After awhile it got to the
point that people SHE'D when they saw
him coming. If he saw a man carry
ing a beefsteak home for dinner he
would jump onto him and tell him
how he was running his health and re-
tarding the progress of society and
helping to drag the nation down to
general ruin. He had a good peace
full neighbor who attended strictly to
his own business, worked hard and
paid his debts and helped his neigh
oors when they got into trouble. This
man liked to sit out on his front
porch after supper and smoke his pipe
n peace. He had notion that so
ong as he didn't bother anybody else
With his smoke and paid for his own
'obacco it wasn't anybody else's bust
ness particularly if he did take
smoke after supper, but the food ]
rank couldn't see it that way. He {
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16

81 believe in reforms" says Old
Bill Misgivens, "but my observation
of reforms is that they are apt to get
too ALFRED dogmatic. They are not
all that way, of course. There are
some reformers who are reasonable
and inclined to listen to argument,
but a good many of 'em set up stand
ards of their own and insist that ev-
erybody else must come to that or
else they will have nothing to do with
'em. When reformer gets into that
state of mind he is apt to be blamed
nuisance. He gets fad. At first
maybe he hasn't got it so very bad,
but he keeps studying that fad and
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16

According to fashion note, the
wing collar is coming in style again
for men. The wing collar is the one
form of neck dress that has no excuse
for being 1t makes the thin necked
man look like shite-poke and fat
neeked man look like a pelican. What
right have men TO jeer at women for
slashed skirts when men wear winged
collars? When the Republicans get
in power again they win remove men
from the tyranny of winged collars.
The fact is that any kind Of stand
up collar is an oppression that free
men should not tolerate. Dynasties
have been overthrow for less.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16

man to do the business, and your wife
goes over to the neighbors with the
chair, and tells them all it's injuries,
and dreams the neighborhood dry of
its sympathy long before you get
home.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16
Kippling's Contribution to the Jonah
controversy.

controversy.
Did the whale really swallow 10
nah? This historic question has beer
revived by Prof. Luther Townsend
LID, who writes for publication
called the Bible Champion. Extracts
from his remarks on the subject were
printed couple of weeks ago. Pro-
fessor Townsend is of the
opinion that the whale did, and he de-
votes some time to discussing the yex-
ed question of whether a whale could
swallow man or not. He concludes
that "whale proper" couldn't do it,
because it's throat is too small
! professor Townsend overlooks the
point that whale proper" if he
really was proper, couldn't be guilty
of such a piece of bad manners.)
He says, however, that sperm whale
could swallow Jonah, and not choke
over him, either.
Professor Townsend, apparently,
has overlooked piece of valuable tes-
timony on the Jonah controversy that
would do much to explain the matter.
This bit was contributed several years
ago by Rudyard Kipling of "more
deadly than the male" fame in little
book called Gust So Stories" In the
first story in the book Mr.. Kipling
explains convincingly how the throat
of the whale has been altered since
the time of Jonah. Here's Mr.. Kip
ling's version, though not his words.
He copyrighted those:
Once upon time the whales and in
those days his throat was as broad as
the path that is reputed to lead to de-
struction-found himself very hungry.
Not only that, but he couldn't think
Just what it was he would most like
to eat-only he wanted something
new. just then along comes small
and astute fish, whom Kipling calls !
he 'Stute Fish, and, hearing the com
plants of the whale, he said in t
imalPstute voice:
"Have you ever tried MANI" i
The whale said he hadn't and ask G
d what man Yves like. 6
"Nice," said the small 'Stute Fish, h
nice but nubbly." n
Then the whale asked where he
hight find some man, and the help h
al 'Stute Fish suggested that if he A
,ould swim to a certain latitude and a
'ngitude he would find there, sitting f
n raft in the midst of the sea, a fl
lipwrecked mariner. n
And the whale took the advice and r,
VAN to the latitude and longitude
lie 'Stute Fish had suggested, and
lere, sure enough, he found the ship
rocked mariner sitting on the raft
the midst of the sea. The mariner OF
as wearing a pair of blue canvas W
ousers and a pair of suspenders al
his pocket he had his trusty jack hi
life. Incidentally, it might as well W
mentioned here that the mariner FIR
as man of infinite resources and hs
gacity. ar
Well, the whale, hungrier than ever ifs
this time, opened his mouth, which in
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16
Jonah and the Whale

rude manner characteristic of whales
in those days, he swallowed the mari
ner, raft, blue canvas trousers, sus
penders, jackknife and all.
Now, as soon as the mariner found
himself in the dark warm leather up
holstered interior of the whale he be-
gan to jump about and thump about
and hop about and prowl about until
in very short time the whale was
more unhappy than he would have
been if he had eaten fourteen welsh
rabbits with the hair on.
Then he called to the little 'Stute
Fish and said:
"This man is very nubbly indeed,
and besides, he is making me hic-
cough. What shall | do?"
"Tell him to come out" said the
Stute Fish.
So the whale shouted down his own
throat and ordered the mariner to
come out.
"Not much" said the mariner, who,
as we have mentioned before, was
man of infinite resources and sagacity.
"Not by jug full, in fact, will not
come out until you take me to my ma
tai shore and the white cliffs of AL
bion. Then I'll come out"
And he began to jump about and
thump about worse than before.
~ guess you had better take him
home," said the Suite Fish timidly,
"you see he is man of infinite re-
sources and sagacity."
So the whale swan as fast as he
could towards the white cliffs of AL
Dion, though he was somewhat delay
ed by the hiccoughs. Meanwhile the
mariner, ever eager to improve the
shining hours-though they weren't
yery shining down there in the dark,
Gather upholstered interior-went to
work and whitfield up the raft with
lis jackknife and made it into neat
attice like grating. This he fastened
ogether with his suspenders.
Finally the whale reached the mar
ner's natal shore, and he shouted
nee more, though this time in a
omewhat exhausted and even a more
iccoughy voice hat this was the
lace to change cars.
And the mariner walked right up
is throat and out upon the beach.
S he came up, however, he dragged |
fter him the grating, until it caught r
rmly, broad side on, in the whales
lroat. Then the mariner, who was
poet in his way, as well, turned and
marked:
By means of grating
/ have stopped your ating.
Then he walked home to the house :
his old mother, WHOM as waiting /
it'll tears in her eyes to receive him,
I'd eventually he married and lived
Ippily ever afterward AS for the
hale, he recovered in a way, but
ON that day to this, no true whale
IS been able to swallow mariners, or
ything else bigger than very small !
hes that will slip through the graf =
2.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16
Worthy Of Your Patronage

If you need lawyer going to build want to buy sell
real estate need have other needs those who
advertise below Publicity inspires confidence and deserves it
advertisers who appear below well known IN Emmets
trade territory They rea BILE and will the best of
service. They invite your patronage
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-20
4 Striking Article BY Beatrice Fairfax
The Girl Who Refuses To Be Kissed

Dear Miss FGirtGI:
am tlCeRty and hare EHOrn a
young man too gears older tChO hoes
near me all my life. have been
abroad for fire years, and, upon mn
late return home, of course resumed
friendly relations tOith his people.
He asked me if he might kiss me,
aOhich / refused, and after that tried
SeUerGI times in a playful pGp to
cGress me, t0hich | also resented.
tCheredt he called me "cOId" and sad
/ had no reason to be so distant I0ith
him, and nOt0 keeps shy of me and
has broken seUerdL promises he made
me, although IN all other respects /
haze tried to shOto a frieSldly inter
est IN him. Was really too reSerU-
edP Does our long acquaintance re-
ally entitle him to that kind of fdmiI-
iGrityP / think q good deal of him,
but more of my seH-respect. Do you
think il he really cared as much for
me as he appeared to at first he
DOuld be so easily Discouraged
PUZZLED
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-20
The Beginning Of Home Making

possession of beautiful things, and no
woman's heart is indifferent to them,
but there may be an oppressive super
fluffy Of wedding gifts and costly be-
longings showered on a bride who ex-
poets TO begin housekeeping with a mod
est income and who finds serious per-
plexity in the care of her treasures, or
in trying to live up to them. With mag
nifcent silver. rare china and glass OF
too great value and spendor to be used
in simple home, there is often nothing
to do but store away much of the silver
and put the costly and breakable plates
out of the sight and handling Of a care
less servant.
Friends and relations who are thought
less may well give consideration in the
selection of gifts suitable to a brides
circumstances. A rare piece of mahog.
any furniture is never out of place,
table, writing desk, corner cabinet or
bookcase. The beginning of a we'll
chosen library. in choice editions of the
best authors, should be part of the very
foundation of a home. If q friend has
the taste and knowledge necessary for
the selection of a water color painting
by an artist of merit, what could give
such lasting pleasure as this. or a beau
tiful example in Photographic art of a
picture by an old master?
Where the desired things are accumu-
lated slowly, gradually; where economy
is practiced in one direction, perhaps, in
order to supply something very much
wished for and chosen after careful de-
liberation, there is pleasure unknown to
those who tofl not for their treasures.
There Is Joy in a home which is de-
pendent on the energy, skill and wisdom
of the young husband and wife which
more than compensates for the efforts
they may make,
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-20

first time he comes around show him
that you are sorry that you were
what he calls so "cold''-and see what
he will do hope you will do no such
thlng-I hope you will show that
young man that he'll have to look
elsewhere for temporary amusement
of that sort. You'll be friendly and
nice to him. Have fun with him-be
all that a light-hearted girl should
be in the way of a companion. But
you'll draw the line-where the man
himself draws it when he thinks Of
the girl he wants to marry some day
If he loves you, he'll come back.
He won't stay away because you are
cold" IL he doesn't love you-the
sooner he begins staying away the
better-tor you and for him, too
Stick to your colors. little girl-the
clean, wholesome, honest colors of
clean wholesome, honest girlhood-
they'll win; they'll win-and what
they win win be worth keeping.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-20
By MRS. FRANK LEARNED.
Author etiquette In New York To day

Author Etiquette In New York To-day"
TN these days Of great wealth many
young couples beginning housekeep-
ing think themselves very fortu-
nate in having homes made ready for
them. They step into a perfectly ap-
pointed house. given TO them by indul-
gent parents or an apartment complete
~ and richly furnished. No wish seems
ungratfied. There is little TO do but
to arrange the splendid accumulation Of
wedding presents and set them forth to
the best advantage and to start the
wheels running in a household where
there need be no consideration as to ex-
pense.
It is a question whether there is as
much true pleasure and satisfaction for
these richly favored persons as for those
whose pathway is the happy one be-
tween wealth and poverty.
The young married woman who finds
little else to do but visit, shop, amuse
herself practice her music a little, read
a little, and motor about very much,
realizes, after a while, that she is just
a trifle dun and bored after the first
flush of novelty in arranging her house
keeping is over, There seems almost
surfeit in the rich, luxurious things
provided by the lavish expenditure Of
parents and the wedding gifts Of friends.
There can be no doubt that those
persons in the middle path, where the
purse is not overlooking, but poverty is
not 10 be feared, have rich compensa-
ton for their smaller share of worldly
goods They have the wonderful delight
and privilege of making and developing
q home.
1t is certainly a pleasure to be in the
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-20
Up-to-the-Minute Jokes

It was at birthday banquet given
the other evening by a prominent
Paris millionaire banker The fun
was at its height, when a lady cried
out:
My pearl necklace has disap-
peared,"
Uproar followed, while everyone
suggested plans for its recovery.
Then the banker had d brilliant
idea
I'VE will place a salver in the mid
die of the ROOM" he said, lights will
be extinguished, and the perpetrator
of this silly joke will have an OppOr-
tunity of restoring the missing neck
lace"
This was done.
Then the lights were turned on
again and there was more consterna-
ton. The salver had disappeared.
"Eh. but I'm tired" exclaimed a
tall and thin man. meeting a friend
in the street.
What have you been doing to get
so tired?" asked the other.
We'll" exclaimed the thin man,
drawing deep breath, my married
sister is measuring up her house for
new carpets. They haven't got a yard
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-20
Do You Know That

Ostriches are not the only swift
running creatures that can outstrip
the speed of a horse. There is a land
crab in Cuba, it is said, that can
rival the ostrich and go much faster
than a horse.
The smallest Of British animals is
the harvest mouse, which makes a
globular nest in wheat fields. A full
grown specimen weighs half an ounce.
The average British resident gets
In year by post "a letters, post
cards. II book packets and circulars,
newspapers and about 2 parcels.
Brass farthings were authorized by
English law in the year 1913, They
were suppressed as worthless about
forty years later,
Bronchitis is the most fatal disease
in England: next comes consumption.
and then heart disease, pneumonia
and scaTlatina.
A poultry raiser at Domremy,
France, has discovered that by mix
ing cayenne pepper with the food Of
fowls their plumage turns pink, which
changes to a vivid scarlet about an
hour before a coming thunderstorm.
No other sovereign in the world has
so many physicians as the Gar They
number %. and are all selected from
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-20
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX.

q o he called you cold" did he?
y Dear me what dreadful In
dictment-cold-wh a crime
to be cold" to a man you know so
very little bout.
Tell me, little girl. which would
you rather do. have this very friend
ly'' young man tell you that YOU are
cold or have him tell other men that
you are not at all cold?
Wouldn't say anything about you
for worlds? That's what you think,
isn't it? Well, now, just make no
that good, sensible little mind Of
yours to think differently, that's all.
l don't know the young man IN
question, but If he's anything like
most Of the young men l do happen
to know he isn't so very secretive
about his opinion Of the girls he
knows.
Why should he be, pray tell?
Why should a girl let man kiss
her If she's afraid he'll tell somebody
about It. If she doesn't want people
to know? Don't do it; that's all
The Reason Why.
The kissing girl is known from
one end Of her town to the other, and
known. too, as "kisser' yes. It
sounds coarse and it is coarse. that's
the worst Of it-but it's true, and
while we're talking about these
things let's tell the plain truth-just
for a change,
Some girls who let every man they
know kiss them goodnight marry,
and marry well, too-but a whole 10:
of them do not marry at all, just be-
cause Of the kissing.
What man wants to marry a
girl who's kissed every man she
met for the last four or five
years?
Who wants to meet his friends
and have them look at his wife
with a reminiscent smile?
We're YOU too reserved?
What in the world makes you think
that2
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-20

measure and l am exactly six feet
high, so to oblige her I've been a-lay-
ing down and a-getting up all over
her house"
"You wretch" she declared. And
just to think that consented to mar
~ you! I can't think where my head
was at the time"
ION my shoulder. dear" replied her
husband.
Sophia (sentimentally)-I dearly
love to listen to the ticking OF a clock
1t seems to me that a clock has a
language of its own.
Mr.. Smart-Yes, Sophia. the clock
has language-you might say a
dial-etc.
A well-known poet and Benedict is
accredited with good bon mot A
lady the other day said to him.
"Qh, Mr.. -, I have Just seen your
wife for the first time since your mar
riage But I had supposed that she
was taller woman. She seems shorter
than when l last saw her"
Certainly" replied the poet SOL
EMMY She has married and settled
down, you know"