davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
HUNOR or TIE DIP

He never seems to question a thing
his wife says No he never argues with
her" Il wonder why?'' II suppose that
she has told him not to.'-Houston Post.
My dear. ! see you are having some
the Utl latest fad.' wen. / serve Il notice Il
right here that don't button any dogs
down the back. Courier-Jour-
nal.
The innocent bystander soon loses his
innocence. or ceases to bystand.-Judge.
aren't you going to say your prayers,
Willie?" No I'm not. I am tired of
praying for this family without getting
any results.'-Llfe.
The Crank-"This is the last time I'll
ever camp out" The Enthusiast-"WeIi
joy yourself without being comfortable
Puck.
Doctor-'I sent that patient of mine to.
your place to cure him of consumption
Farmer-"Then you sent him to the wrong
victuals are going.9'-Baltimore American.
After the motor-car srnashup-''Johnl
Oh joint Where are your" Don't know
Maria I'm scattered about here some
where."-Life.
Toni don't know whether she sings
her."-Puck.
Griggs-"I hate to play poker with a
hard loser" Briggs@''It's a hanged sight
better than playing ii with an easy win
ner"-Boston TRANSCRIPT.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
EVENING CHIT
Finger Tip Brains.
BY RUTA CAMERON.

Ihere are a great many different kinds
OF brains in the world
Some people think there is onlv ono
KIND. Thereby they prove how little IF
themselves H
A man of this class, one of those I'M
fortunate products of our COLLEGES who
nave evidently spent their college If. in
nVlng to learn instead of learning to live
was speaking of a successful young bust
ness man about his own age who had
Just been elected to public "efice. 'Its
d shame such men should represent us a.
ne said, loftily, II know this man and he
Is absolutely unpublished, and hasn't any
bi aims to speak of.
Now, the man in question wen- tc work
N this city several years ago as an erranl
boy He was fifteen years old He had
a grammar school education AMI no more.
ioday he 1s,-no, not IA multi-.nillio1aire,
lar better than that,-Jle is the owiier OF
a small but prosperous, honest, and Com
structive business. He has made his
money by genuine production. He has
made 1t slowly; there are no enormous
profits in his line, and no opportunity for
sraft,-for him at least. His success has
meant constant watchfulness, constant
planning, constant Selling of opportuni-
ties, constant application to all kinds of
business problems.
Tell me, business men and women. do
these things require brains not?
Personally, l think the winning of an
honest business success means an amount
OF brains to which the average college
professor might well take off his hat.
No, of course they are not the same
kind of brains which this mans critic has.
thinks he has.
But they are brains just the same, and
valuable brains.
A young friend of mine wanted to take
up hair dressing and the care of the scalp
profession. Her family We're horri-
fled. They wanted to educate her to be
a teacher librarian just her sisters
and auntS had been. Have you no
more brains than that?' they protested.
They expressed a painfully common idea
that manual work and brain work are
wholly distinct things and that manual
work is lowering.
Could anything be more absurd?
Work in which the hands must carry out
the orders of the head requires a different
kind of brains, to be sure, but not any
less than straight head work. L am sure
the lady who makes my hats has more
brains in the tips of her deft fingers
than many college girls l know have in
their whole heads.
No work is lowering that is done well;
no brains are to be discounted if they
are honorably employed. Not to ac-
knowledge that there are many kinds of
brains in the world, and an urgent need
for every kind is to prove ones own
lack Of any kind.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
says UNCLE CIV

Have a care how you lightly assume
to know your own faults and look as
kindly as possible. upon those disagree
able persons who insist upon pointing
them out. Your 'outspoken enemy is
ofttimes a better friend to you than
yourself He shows you your weak
points and upon occasion pricks them.
He does this merely for the pleasure
of seeing you jump, but if you're clear
headed enough you'll treasure his ia lbs
as warnings when your anger is past.
Your enemy does you service that
you cannot well perform yourself. You
may think you know your faults, but
the sober truth is that you detect only
about one in a hundred if somebody
with a mean disposition doesn't pune
ture them now and again. There was
once a king of Tang who was urged
to behead a crusty old mandarin.
Why" he asked his favorite who
made the suggestion.
Because he is constantly reciting
your majesty's fancied faults and in
flaming the common people, whereas
all who know your majesty are aware
that your majesty is fault1ess."
You impart wisdom although you
do not speak it," said the king. Kind
ly summon the prime minister
Bring this mandarin to court" he
directed the minister. Command him
to be always at my call. Say to him
that upon peril of his life he is always
to speak what is in his mind and
naught else. AS for the flatter'-in-
dicating his erstwhile favorite-"be-
head him.
rs it thus your majesty rewards his
enemies and Furnishes his friends?" de-
manded the unfortunate. why should
l die and this defamer of the king
live? '
You die" said the king. because
dare not trust one who is more blind
to my faults than I myself. 1 would
have this enemy always at hand that
he may warn me of the faults L cannot
See.'
The old king may have been a trifle
harsh in his measures, but he had the
right idea. Distrust the friend who
flatters-he is your worst enemy. Keep
your ears open for what your enemies
say of you. If they speak the truth,
they are your friends.
The eyes of the mind, like the eyes
of the body, turn outward. 1t is only
occasionally that fault sticks out like
boil and is noticed by the man who
possesses it.
Beware of him who boasts that he
knows his faults He is a fool He
has learned neither the difficulty of
detecting ones own shortcomings nor
the universal disposition of mankind
to regard their own vices as virtues
Copyright, 1913, by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
PRISON SCHOOLS.

That even prison life is yielding to
modern humanitarian impulses is in
Dictated in the number of prisons that
are maintaining schools for the bene-
fit of prisoners. Out of SO prisons in
the United States and Canada re-
porting to the United States bureau
of education. "A have schools. In 33
of these Il civilian head teacher is in
charge. Altogether there are 27 even
ing schools, 10 day schools and cor
respondence schools. Both academic
and trade subjects are taught.
In arguing for schools in prisons,
DIR. A. c. Hill of the New York state
education department, who has pre-
pared a bulletin on the subject for
the United States bureau of educa-
ton, points out that there are three
ways of handling a man whom the
courts have pronounced unfit to re-
main in society: First. he may be
put to death at once; second, he may
be slowly killed in destructive en-
vironment; third, he may be placed
in a favorable environment and re-
stored to normal health, If possible.
Prison schools represent an at
tempt to apply the last of these meth
in prison are the expression of the
highest conception yet formed of the
proper way to deal with men and
women segregated from society for
violating it's laws" he says. They
are an outgrowth of the belief that
the door of hope must never be
closed to any human being. They
stand for opportunity. They are hui
manity's offer of help to overcome
the inertia and despair that settle
down upon a man disgraced and de-
prived of his liberty
Prison libraries form an important
factor, and special attention is given
to them in the bureaus bulletin. DIR.
Hill notes that there is usually plen-
ty of books, but that the quality OF
the reading is seldom satisfa Glory.
He cites the opinion of II. II. Tart
of the Russell Sage Foundation. that
mot one prison in ten has d suitable
selection of books Most of them are
composed of one-third unreadable
books and one-third trash"
In his conclusion DR.. Hill urges
that better methods and greater eff
cheney in character building are need
ed all along the line, back to the
school and the home. He believes that
public effort should be directed
more fully to providing the right kind
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
According to Uncle Abner.

More things can happen to an oat-
mobile in five minutes than kin hap
pent to a boss in five years.
1t looks as though the crop of wild
oats is going to be as luxuriant as ever
this year.
1t looks as though Woodrow is goin'
to disappoint lot of folks-a lot of
folks who were sure he waSagoin' to
fizzle out
A man who goes to the office to
have an electric lighting bill explained
to him finds out for the first time how
little he really knows about everything
under the sun from the ethics of the
drama to the nebular hypothesis.
A pedestrian who does not give
woman in an electric time to change
her mind three times at street inter
sections is a candidate for the hos
pital.
What has become of the old codger who
used to dye his mustache and try to make
out that he was only thirty-five years old i?
The difference between journalist and
a newspaper man is that the newspaper
man has a steady meal ticket.
Lem Scroogs of this place has been in
PhiladeIphy only two or three years and
has made several hundred thousand dol
lars. He works in the mint.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
JOURNAL ENTRIES

No matter how small a town is, it
generally boasts of a Child Musical
Prodigy.
+ j =
In the olden times girls existed
only to marry. Now too many of
them marry only to exist
- = +
And the persons who sing in Jail
are not the ones who deserve to be
put there for singing, or attempting
to.
A woman'S idea of careleSSneSs on
her husbands part is for him to al
low the coffee to boil over after she
has expressly ordered otherwise.
+ = I.
After all, human nature is pretty
generous. Occasionally you find a
country community where they say:
Yes. she's the bankers daughter, but
she amt a bit stuck up"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

He wants to marry you. 1 think
Marry met exclaimed the girl, as
she rolled out of the hammock. Faith
er, have you lost your senseS?
But you see, Graham's idiot
II won't hear another world"
Mr.. Scott is a very nice
1t was three days later when the
fruit tree man had a chance to say
to Miss Minnie:
George doesn't believe in the p-o-
him to marry another. He says he
loves you, but -"
"What?"
IF it was my case there'd he an
elopement and let the old folks go
hang
4 shall see George this afternoon
ana tell him so. I shall also tell him
that at 3 O'Clock tomorrow afternoon
L snail be at the school house with
my team. You understand-with my
team"
The morrow came The father said
ne had to go to town, and the mother
SAID shed go calling on Mrs. Schem-
merhorn after dinner. Mr.. Graham
also had business somewhere, and his
wife also had call to make.
Inc lovers took advantage of 1t.
Ihey arrived at the rendezvous almost
simultaneously. The fruit tree man
was there, also Squire Pelham.
Take hold of hands, my children
commanded the latter
What for?''
To be married. There can be an
eIopement without marriage, but there
hadn't orter be-"
Inc ceremony was over in five min
. uIes' and then the fruit tree man said:
Ihere always ought to be a bridal
tour With marriage, unless the con-
tracting parties are lame in both legs.
MY rig is at the door. There are fruit
trees aboard for Mr.. Phillips, seven
npes down on the county line ROAD.
hou can deliver them for me and make
your bridal tour at the same time.
fourteen miles is a purity good tour.
len MI. Phillips the varieties are Seek
NOR urther, Wine and Northern Spy.
When you come back drive right to
hlnnles house. I'll be there"
mat bridal tour wasn't a tour CT
uIope; out 1t was a grand success,
ana when the newly-weds drove nm
they found the four parents at the
S 9o1o 10 welcome them.-(Copyright
1910 by the Mcclure Newspaper SYN
dicate.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
QUAKER MEDITATIoNs.
TFrom the PhiladeIphia Record

Itrom the Philadelphia Record-l
The nursery is one sort of a bawlyoom-
Some men are more polished than their
shoes indicate.
Is it possible for man TO be on his up
pers and still well-heeled?
Every man at some time of his life has
told some woman he was not. worthy of
her.
The average man divides his time be-
for the past.
The men who regard drinks and cigars
as necessities are apt to look on their
wives bonnets luxurieS.
The baseball player is often put out of
the game for kicking, but it isn't that way
with the football players.
apphedde-'P Present me to Miss Peach
ley" Buggins-"It's no use. I've heard
her say she wouldn't have you for gift"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
A CIIILD.s GARDEN


What a gardens Nancy's!
Twenty feet by nine!
Scarce they can, one fancies,
Spare plot so fine
All along the borders
Daisies white and red.
Gold and blood-red wallflowers.
Dwarf flowers and tall flowers
What magic pleasure there is spread.
Oxlips, pansies bloom there,
Many flower beside,
Proud of finding room there,
Towers fair, London Pride.
All the dainty darlings
OF the spring are there.
Tossing blue and white skirts,
Pink skirts and bright skirts,
ColumbineS are dancing in the air.
Name tends her garden,
Dibbles, hoes, and rakes-
Muscles she must harden
With the pains she takes.
They may tell of gardens
Fair man can see,
Yet what ever man see,
Nancy, my Nancy,
Ours shall be the garden still for me.
Marshall Steele, in the Pail Mall Ga
zette.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
Out of the Mouths of Babes.

Willard had two goats, a large one,
Billy. and a young one he called Boy. His
fathered ordered a goat wagon for him.
After examining the wagon Millard
thought it didn't suit to size.
Papa, 1 can't use it, he said decidedly
BILLY wouldn't wait for it and Boy
couldn't keep up with it,
Helen, aged = was showing a visitor
how fast she could run. when she sudden
ly stopped and said, But 1 can't show
my best running unless something is hap
pening back of me-
Billy. aged 3, had often heard his par
ents talk of the time required to digest
certain articles of food. One night wish
ing to defer his bedtime. he asked Moth
er. may 1 sit up half an hour longer to
decide my supper"
Patty is the owner of a puppy. The
little girl who sold him gives these di-
rections: Dust div him a wink and don't
wop him.
Baby May had several times crossed
the room and made an effort to Close the
door. Each time upon reaching her little
chair and turning around she found the
door had swung open. Finally she walked
over 10 the door and, opening it wide.
said, 'tDes walk in, Mis'er Wind
little June was sitting on her fathers
lap, and when he began to whistle she ex-
claimed:
''Oh. papa, don't do that: you might
draw your breath all out of shape-"-Pic-
torial Review.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
ON TEE SPUR
OF TIE AOMENT
by ROY X. MOULTON.
Ambition.
: X. MOULTON.

-AmDlIIOH.
Let others work and lose their health
In piling up the sordid wealth,
But that is not my wish
Let others burn the midnight oils,
Devising ways of grabbing spoils;
I'd rather sit and fish.
Let others solve the problems great,
Affecting the affairs of state;
None of that on my dish.
Let others hew the nations path
and bear the thankless public's wrath
I'd rather sit and fish
That's full of worry toll and strife,
But that's not my ambish.
Let others wear their lives away,
By living five years every day;
I'd rather sit and fish.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
FROM OTHER PENS
VACATION FATIGUE.


The remark is frequently made that va
cation outings are mot half as restful as
is true that one may Sit in an easy chair
at home with less fatigue than on climb
WEAKNESS is really recreative by the rad
zeal tIS,L,o change g OF muscles and nerves in
liciously refreshing. strange as it may
seem. There is getting leg-weary which
completely obliterates ali CONSCIOUSNESS of
takes in diet or excessive exertion, that is
almost the sole danger of an outing.
Nearly everything else is so helpful-ip-
deed, one might say so necessary in a va
eation-that all should embrace the re
lease. Get tired through and through and
sleep by the inexorabIe mandate of nature.
IndeeL, the aim should be to get too tired
to worry, or mourn. or even think. Fa-
tigue is sometimes regarded as an actual
enemy by the ambitious man. 1t seems TO
block his way and he RACES against it.
But one might as well rage against the
necessity of breathing. For it Is one of
the few memorable things in this world.
the moment, defeat fatigue. A LUXURIOUS
railway train seems to laugh at going
takes the train One tires of the easiest
chair. One tires of the telephone, tires of
every labor-saving device-for the reason
that fatigue springs out of our person and
is always and everywhere a part of us in
its season. The demand for rest is the
proclaims a vacation, and softly curtains
the world to that end. We may trim our
nothing but must stop" Suppose we do
it here, with good wishes for your vaca-
tion-New York Mail.
DEBATING THE TARIFF BILL.
1t is understood in Washington that tine
tariff bill just reported to the senate will
be passed without substantial amend
ments. Neither the Republican nor the
Progressive critics of the measure will at
tempt to obstruct action to delay
it by time-killing and record breaking
speeches. Still If any senator or group
of senators has data to prove that the
Democrats have here and there cut too
deem. have deprived industries of needed
protection. have violated their own
PLEDGES of moueration and reasonableness
in revision, it is his or it's duty and right
to present such data We cannot have too
little of the alarmist oratory of partisans
ton To tell us that the Democrats are
crueIIv wronging the farmers because they
have voted Republican, or that the Demo-
Gratis are going to be rebuked n year from
next November, or that the president has
dictated to congress, is to tell the intell-
gent citizen nothing he cares to hear. Let
US have no foolish, futile. irrelevant or
melodramatic speeches "for buncombe."
Let us have facts and figures bearing on
the fairness and reasonableness OF par
ticular rates. Is the pending bill too radi-
cal? If so, let senators SHOW just where
and why certain reductions are too drastic
from the viewpoint of downward revision.
Revision is the order of the day, the
benefit of the doubt should be given to
the suffering consumer, and the bur-
den of proof is on the critics of the BILL
Chicago Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

of education for the thousands of
neglected children whose environment
is such as to make the development
of bad and dangerous characters al
most inevitable. The hopeful sign Of
the times is an aroused public senti-
ment that is demanding full knoNl-
edge of the facts and vigorous use
of the best means of checking moral
degeneracy at its source"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29
HOME NEW WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State journal
away from home during the summer
may have the paper mailed regularly
each day to any address az tEe ra.S 80
Of ten Cents a week or thirty cents
month (by mail ONLY. Address
changed as often as desired. Mhne
out of town the State Journal Will oe
to you like daily letter from nome.
Advance payment is requested on
t.,ese short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

Dispatches from Washington state
that President Wilson is getting har-
mony on the currency bill. In other
words he is taking the trouble person
ally to tell the recalcitrant Democrats
where to head in
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

No doubt about it. Secretary of
the Interior Lane is right in his opin-
ion that the prospects of rich pick
ing in Alaska are excellent. Two
groups of capitalists are eager to
build railroads there.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

Two men at Niagara Falls risked
their lives to save a dog and then
gave it to a woman. Which inspired
the valor, the lady or the spaniel?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

Car Nicholas may yet o. OCCUPY a
permanent place in history as the man
who ordered the destruction of Tolstoi's
11npubIished works.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

And the suspicion that a Chicago
man was beaten to death in a patrol
wagon for refusing to give the po-
licemen money presupposes that he
was a brave man.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

That deadly monotony which is
said to constitute much of the hor-
ror of prison life isn't particularly
prevalent at Sing Sing.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

Why not abolish women's skirts
entirely? More pronounced Sits in
them is the decree of the recent New
York fashion show.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

Those who like to worry will get
more or less satisfaction out of the
announcement of the federal public
health service that pellagra is spread
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

What with the Roosevelt trial and
the copper strike, the upper peninsula
of Michigan has established itself as
a regular source of news.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29


Scientists and those who run hotels
IN that vicinity, are viewing with
alarm the fact that the leaning tower
to, but after looking up the passenger
fare to Pisa, we have decided that the
condition of the famous one-legged
smokestack is of supreme indifference
to this department
After thinking it over for a week,
the authorities have decided that the
missing lola business man had no
business pinching the boob bride, and
have issued a warrant for him. And
until his name is revealed, every lola
business man will go around with a
bunch of alibis in his hip pocket.
Some people go to church every
Sunday morning. Others merely re-
main in bed an hour later, and get
their extra sleep that way.
1t is suspected that Henry Lane Will
discovered that secret report was to
be made on his actions. But then,
playing both ends against the middle
is more strenuous than playing golf.
Having discovered a fireproof fluid,
it is to be hoped that Harrison Park
man will soak his whiskers therein.
His work leads him frequently into the
vicinity OF conflagrauOnS, and 1t would
be a sad blow to lose that hirsute
pride of Kansas.
Swat the bumblebee, A Kansas lady
was Stung three dozen times in the
backyard, and being stung by bum
blebee is no joke, whether in the back
yard or on the front porch.
Jack Johnsing announces that he is
gone for good, and it is a consensus of
opinion that he couldn't go for any
thing else.
Which makes it unanimous, so to
speak.
Those Mexicans should have a care!
If they shoot two or three hundred
more unarmed Americans, the govern
ment might become peevish and speak
real har-r-r-rshly to them.
BY this time Doc Callen may be sat
isfied that Frank Cumiskey's goat is
like the mountain goat of the Rockies
hard to capture. Scouts who have
returned from the Crawford county
hunt report that the anti-Cumiskeys
didn't get close enough to Frank s
ibex to find even it's tracks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-07-29

Napoleon's spirit is probably much
peeved that aeroplanes We're not in
vented long ago. Another French
aviator has made a flight over the
Aims