South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-12-17
STATESMEN, REAL
AND NEAR.
BY FRED c. KELLY.
BY FRED G. KELLY.

BY FRED c. KELLY.
WESTINGHOUSE Robert l..
owen, chairman of the committee that
has the new currency bill under its
wing, got his first knowledge of money
matters from common garden toads.
owens mother had beautiful Vir-
GINA garden. full Of the prevailing
modes in flowers and vegetables, but
its usefulness was greatly impaired
by the crowds OF insects that fell into
the habit of gathering on the plants
there. So OWENS father generously
| offered - pay him one cent apiece for
all hoptoads that he might capture
alive and bring into the garden TO
operate on the insects. Young Owen
was industrious and before he aban-
dOned the task had enticed into the
garden about a hundred capable
young tOads, which netted him 81.
That 81 was the first he ever had in
his own right.
Now. however, owen is rich and
knows about money at first hand. He
organized the first national bank in
OklahOma-Or Indian territory il was
then-and was made its president.
hen that honor had been conferred
upon him, owen asked the directors:
why have you made me the preSi-
dent? don't know anything about
banking"
And that's just the reason" replied
one of the directors; mot knowing
anything about banking, you won't be
able to get all our money
Although he now possesses an alb
surdly large amount of money. owen
is Unfortunately careless about currency
in so far as it concerns himself. He
never thinks OF putting any money in
his pocket before starting on a long
Journey, just as if money were a thing
one could pick up at random any
where. For that reason he frequently
finds himself In strange cities without
even a street car ticket.
Some time ago he journeyed down
to Florida. There he fell in with two
or three pleasant acquaintance, and
he took them TO a high priced little
cafe in quest of food, gayly Offering TO
pay the bill.
After all had devastated the menu.
il suddenly occurred to owen that he
had exactly four cents in his pocket.
which was no more than enough TO
tip the waiter
But he excused himself long enough
to run across to his hotel, and had no
trouble at all looking the cashier in
the eye and talking him into cashing
good sized check.
The beauty of it all is. you see, that
those who have money get 10 look the
part and can connect with the stuff
g short notice with almost uncanny
certainty.
The last time Uncle Joe Cannon
was in Washington looking over the
scenes of his former triumphs, he
bumped into Frank T. O'Hair in a
hotel lobby. 1t was the first time they
had met since O'Hair beat him for
congress, and O'Hair addressed his
predecessor with much cordially, but
Uncle Joe did not warm up to the
point of doing any slapping on the
back.
eff there's anything / can do for
you at any time. hope you'll feel per-
fectly free to call on me-" O'Hair told
Uncle Joe.
THANK you. but I'm not wanting
anything" replied the former speaker
Of the house.
I'm here to do things for the folk
back home" went on O'Hair. land /
should really consider it an honor to
be able TO help you out on anything
you want"
There isn't blankety -dashed-hy-
phenated thing | want" said Uncle
Joe with quiet dignity.
Well then" exclaimed O'Halr. I m
glad to see you all over again. So far
as / can learn you're the only con-
stituent I've got who doesn't want
something"
Rep. Daniel A. Driscoll of New York
is an undertaken.
AS he was walking from the office
building over to the capitol the other
morning. little shoe-button- eyed
panhandler approached him inquiring:
Mister. do you want to save a
life ?"-meaning, of course, would
Driscoll stake him to the price of a
drink which is the stuff that makes
brutes of men.
mo indeed, I'm not in the life saw
ing business, replied Driscoll, gayly;
I'm an undertaken"
And the fellow thought Driscoll was
making sport Of him, whereas he was
simply stating facts.
Sen. Golf, of West Virginia, has an
old friend who works by the day in
one of the coal mines in that state.
The other day this man dropped into
Washington and hunted up the senator
to shake his hand.
Eyes. it's been a pretty steady
grind" remarked the senator, speak
ing of his work here; IAN extra ses-
sion lasting seven or eight months
isn't much fun"
You get paid extra. though, of
course?" suggested the miner.
"Oh, no. the salary is just the same,
extra session or not"
"Wh-a-a-ti" exclaimed the miner,
sympathetically; you don't get any
extra wages for overtime."
Downright. 1913, by Fred c. Kelly.
a -fcrIar G 4