New-York tribune., 1913-05-18
AS | WAS SAYING

AS l WAO OA Inv
We have an eloquent Secretary OF State. Every
day ne launches a batteship-now the Friend
ship. now the Kindness, the Humility-to fire
broadsides Of good will" n this continues, wes
gwine watch dat chicken an de watermillions
-golly We is.
We cannot as yet quite swallow the turtles. We
may come 10 IL, but present our faith ceaves TO
the Gibson cure only see what Mr.. Gibson Is doing
for the young lady the cover OF "McClures"! a
total wreck last March so that feared she would
never see the brides nest again. she now looks al
most healthy. Wonderful. Putting on flesh at the
rate Of fully fifteen ounces month Taking new
interest in life too. and tidying up her hair
Morai-Though usually lamblike a model is terri
bic when reused.
Everybody is somebody else. Digging beneath the
Roman Forum. Signor Boni discovers clay pipes and
half bricks proving that the Irish the first
Dagoes" Delving among ancient records, NJ. Jean
Finot finds that the only Gaus who survived were
those who fed across the Rhine. and that their
farms were taken over by Teuton invaders eligible
TO citizenship Hence the extreme probability that
President Poincare is a German and Wilhelm II a
| Trenchman.
We unburden ourself OF these worries because the
japanese have threatened to become Aryans. Let
EN-! California won't mind. The color amt no DIFF
ference when you're seem things at night.
! We WELD a mighty influence. but are not proud.
we feel the weight OF responsibilities Some
days ago We suggested Tornmies a sedatve for
militancy and no sooner has advice reached
London than Mr. Reginald McKenna Monitor off
Maenads considers proclaiming martial law. We
shudder Still the Tommies will stand some show
when reinforcements begin to pour in from the Colo
MES
Awful scandal up yonder at the Slenus Club.
where they have been forced to expel Colonel Robert
St. Claire Van Spiller. Kicked over tray laden
with eleven perfectly good cocktails
We have carefully looked into the case. and the
whole we side with the club. Morally, the Coloners
| behavior was doubtless righteous (see Hobson Con-
gressional Record, Vols. XLI-XLTX, incusve). and
as matter of etiquette 1t not unsuitable.
sidering the hour. But, ye gods, what Judgment!
II is wholly without Gcsre to discredit Mr.. Com
stocks nobler efforts that snap apple seeds at
his crusade against the September Morning" We
simply feel that it would be thousand pities for
a man to be as delightfully."- funny that and miss
knowing II.
Femme Enragee," who have been cataloguing mas
cuIine failngs and have quite overlooked stupidity
But what said wise Chimmie Fadden? Women Is
queer" They rather like stupidity. Great com
fort. that-to them and to us; to ms especially.
Have YOU never watched those long. slow moving
files Of "hikers'' trudgIng the Plains and up
the slopes OF The Rockies toward Reno In quest of
tho great divide? Have you never wondered how
soon the wife OF your bosom would join them? Have
you never longed for test that would prove her
inclination to stay put" Here at last you have IT,
All is we'll as long she recognizes your stupidity
and honors you with that much to- c-cherished euo-
GUM Poor dear Thomas
Medical Note-This bosh about surgeons operating
merely reduce swollen fortunes has been trihe
overdone but II grows clearer every day that the
minute a mans income reaches $4,000 he has heart
disease
II is true that NJ. Marcel Provost novelist, dram
atist journalist. duest and morast. has been din
ing Mrs Evelyn in the Bos dc Boulogne. II is also
true that, for half a guinea. could guess which
London theatrical manager reimbursed Marcel and
tackled on a certain je sails quoi for luck.
X. l.. ".