davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04
What's A Suffragette2

Recently street car advertising agency
in order TO stimulate interest in their cards
displayed in the cars, offered cash prizes
for the best epigfammatic definitions Of a
suffragette.
Here are some OF the results:
A sutfragette is a woman who thinks
she has been devoted long enough.
Not satisfied with the last word, she
also wants the first.
She is the corset needed 10 reduce the
government waste.
She isa woman who needs the "polP'
for her vaulting ambition.
A suffragette is sting Of beauty and
iawer forever.
A woman who would rather break win
dows than Llean them.
A women whose troubles are certainly
not "little ones"
One who spends more time airing her
views than viewing her heirs.
A woman who will spare no panes to
get her rights.
A woman who would rather rock the
country than the cradle.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04
A Sad Awakening.

You have read in novels how a great
emotion will transform mans counte-
nance; how poets face, in the hour OF
inspiration, sets the sparows singing on
the housetops; how that OF man sudden
ly ruined caused Unconditional horses to
stragger. My own features are OF the
commonplace type,-nobody thinks OF
regarding them twice, yet !, too, have
had my experiences, declares contrib
ntor 10 Punch.
They occurred on ihe morning when
received letter from Phyllis, which said
briefly. eyes, think So" Not much in
that, you may say, but when | tell you it
was the deliver answer to a proposal OF
marriage, you will understand. Shortly
after reading it stepped out into the street
TO walk to the office.
What walk that was! The light in
my eyes seemed to brighten the very sun,
the song in my heart was echoed from a
hundred motor busSeS. Never have the
winds OF May wooed so winningly a Feb
ruary morning.
Every man met turned his head as il
loath to take his eyes from my inadlated
countenance. Every girl seemed to take
the keenest pleasure in my happiness,
and smiled at me pretti,v as if injected
by its contagion. "Tis WE'LL" thought
{ in blank verse '"that Phyllis now is
pledged TO me, or, by my troth, these
fattering glances shot from beauty's eyes
might make my heart unfaithtul.
II was only when | reached the office
and looked in the glass that discovered
the large black smudge on the end OF my
nose.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04

In the South they say il IS customary
for the waiter TO ask when breakfast Is
ordered: ''How will you have your
aigs2"
One morning man had ordered some
sausage, cakes, rolls and coffee. When
the waiter asked, "How will you have
your aigs2" the man replied: "You
may eliminate my eggs this morning."
The negro looked at him and went TO
the kitchen. Returned shortly. he said:
"Eh-eh, mister, how did you say you
would have your aigs2"
The man replied "a said you could
eliminate the eggs" Back went the
negro TO the kitchen, but returned pretty
soon and said: "Say, mister, We have
got splendid chef, who has worked In
most OF the largest and best places in
the North, and he says he don't have no
tools TO liminate any aigs."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04

A certain island in the West Indies is
liable TO the periodical advent Of earth
quakes. One year before the season of
these terrestrial disturbances, MIR. X, who
lived in the danger zone, sent his two
sons TO the home ofhis brother in England
TO secure them from the impending havoc.
Evidently The quiet Of the staid English
household was disturbed by the iruption
Of the two West Indians. for the returning
mail steamer carried message TO Mr.. x.
brief but emphatic:
Take back your boys; send me the
earthquake"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04

Al a funeral in Scotland stranger clad
in solemn black had taken a place In one
OF the carriages. His presence had at
tracted the curiosity Of one Of the other
three occupants, who thus addressed
him:
"Ye'll be brither o. the dead 2"
"No," replied the gloomy stranger.
"l'm no brither o. the dead"
"Well, then" pursued the curious
moumer, yen be his cousin p
mo, I'm not that" was the reply.
mo 2" went on the insatiate querant.
Then yen be friend 2"
"Not that, either, admitted the stranger.
"To tell the truth, I'm not weel myself,
and as my doctor has ordered me 10 take
some carriage exercise thought this
would be the cheapest way 10 take H."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04
Good Discipline,

"Our American militia is the best in
the world" said the president OF the
Descendants Of the Siguers.
"How strict il isl During the annual
encampment Of our Virginia militia pri-
vate was riding one hot day on trolley
car with his uniform coat unbuttoned.
This caused a sergeant on the smokers
seat behind TO say:
Button up that coat! Haven't you
got any sense Of military decency at all2'
'But here gentleman on the left in
terfered, saying TO the sergeant:
"'How dare you give command with a
cigarinyCurmouth? I'm Major Fitzhugh
Calhoun
"At this point an elderly gentlemanwith
white military mustache learned over
and mumured in the majors ear:
"'Colonel Brewster Fairfax is sorry to
remind you, sir, that to scold a sergeant
in the presence Of private is military
offense hard to overlook
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04
Sharpsburg Bites the Dust.
BY The Shepderdstown Bard.

BY The Shepderdstown Bard.
With the strongest OF ambition.
On field OF meanest rocks.
Shepherdstown took their position
With Hamrck In the box
And after all we found the boys
The easiest kind Of picking.
After all their wicbed noise
We gave them an old-time licking.
Oh we had several DER the plato
And were still molesting.
When Sharpsbug guy came over the sais
And begged US 10 make Il interesting.
So we did. we LEI them score
A run or 50 you know.
But when they tried 10 steal some more.
We stopped Our triiling Zoe.
Zip Zowie 10 the distant outfeid.
And the bah was no more seen.
The burgers made no their mind 10 yieid
And hold their anger serene.
Twelve 10 eleven ended the Tray.
And gave them third defeat.
Thus making US, the cake Of the day
And giving US the worthy conceit
They once had the slightest chance
To beat nice Shepherdstovn.
But they went off 10 solemn trance
And Jailed 10 win their renown.
They kicked and snor,ed throughout ibe game.
The winners they wanted 10 be.
But regular cheats. they were siyen this name.
BY the smpire Singer Mckee"
-Shipiey.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04
7 Q N | G. S

Use our Beef, Wine and Iron, or Nyal's
Nutrifiye Hypophosphites. either Of which
is an efficient combination acknowledged
to be without an equal as nutrftiye ton
ic, as blood builders and for the various
forms Of general debility.
In cases OF weakness arising from sick
ness or disease the use OF either will be
followed by the very best OF results.
Prices 50cents and 81 90 the bottle.
With warm weather coming on, don't
forget that we have the most complete
line of Talcums, Face and Rice Powders,
Toilet, Bath and Medicinal Soaps, Bath
Sponges and Chamois, Wash Rags, etc.
Our line OF bristie goods Is large and
well assorted, comprising only the best
In Tooth Brushes, Hair Brushes, Nall
Brushes and Hand Scrubs, Genuine Rub
berset Shaving Brushes, ETC., etc.
We carry at all times a complete as
sonment Of sick room accessofies-Hot
Wafer Bottles, Fountain and Bulb Syr-
inges. Ice Bags and Caps, Bed Pans, In
valid Cushions, Disintectants for every
use, Bandages and Gauzes, Stefilized
Cottons, Adhesive and Medicinal P1as-
ters, in TACT everything That is commonly
needed or used.
Ifyou, who are reading are smok-
er, we have Pipes and Tobacco to sell
you, and lot Of the very best OF Cigars
and Cigarettes. II you are writer, we
have Parker Fountain Pens to sell you,
there are none better. II you shave
yourself, we have Rszors, Shaving Brush.
es and Mugs, Shaving Soaps, Creams and
Powders. II you are fisherman. we
have the tackle-in fact we have anything
you want or think you want and a LOT OF
things that you ought to have but don't
know it.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04
The Farm Boys Kiss.

The farm boy paused moment in the lane
When morning unused upon her dewy throne
The silence told him that they were alone
And so he kissed the rosy mouth OF Jane.
They trembled there behind leafy screen;
They did not know il was world-old bliss.
They did not know it was the same first kiss
That Antony exchanged with Egypt's queen.
Such wondrous Joy. they deemed. was ne'r before
To them il was madness newly found
They little thought that underneath the ground
Are many million lips that kiss no more.
They kissed and parted in the tender dawn.
One little kiss. stolen where roses blowed,
As sweet kiss as ever was bestowed
By any glorious lover dead and gone.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04
Do You Fear Consumption ?

No matter how chronic your cough or
how severe your throat or lung ailment
is, DR.. Kings New Discovery win surely
help you: It may save your lie. Stlllman
Green, OF Malichite, Col, writes: 1.-TWO
doctors said had consumption and could
not live two years. | used DR.. Kings
New Discovery and am alive and well. "
Your money refunded if IT fails to benefit
you. The best home remedy for coughs,
colds, throat and lung troubles. Price
SOC. and sl.00. Guaranteed by Hills
Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04

DR.. Lyman Abbott, at luncheon at the
Colony Club in New York, was good hu-
moredIy arguing the suffrage question
with prominent suffragette.
NOW, DOCTOR" said the suffragette,
"there is one thing you must admit. A
woman doesn't grow warped and hide
bound so quickly as a man. Her mind
keeps younger, fresher."
"Well, no wonder" Doctor Abbott re-
toned. Look how often she changes
it!''
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04

$50 your little boy is in the hospital 2"
Eyes; the doctor said he would have
TO have his asteroids taken out"
"My stars II
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04

Irate Intruder-"Look here, you've
been in there half an hour and never said
a word"
Man in the Telephone Booth-"I am
talking with my wife, sir.'
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04
The Drummer's Secret.

Here is an old war story. AS a regi-
ment OF soldiers was on the march to Get
tysburg some Of the soldiers stepped out
OF the ranks and coniiscated a couple of
geese, and one of the drummers unhead-
ed his instrument and put the captured
birds in the drum.
Shortly afterward the colonel rode
along and, noticing the boy, said sharply 4:
"Why don't you beat that drum ?"
Colonel" said the drummer myste-
riously, al want TO speak to you."
The colonel drew still closer and,
bending down his head, said, "Well,
what have you to say ?'
The drummer whispered, "Colonel,
I've got couple of geese in here"
The colonel Strengthened up and grave
ly said, "Well, if you're sick and can't
play, you needn't"
The colonel had roast goose that night.
An American motoring through small
Scotch town was pulled up for excessive
speed.
Don't you see that notice, Dead
Slow?'" inquired the policeman.
"Course did," returned the Yankee,
'but thought it referred 10 your burned
little town."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04
Strengthen Weak Kidneys.

Don't suffer longer with weak kidneys.
You can get prompt relief by taking Elec-
tric Bitters, that wonderful remedy
praised by women everywhere. Starr
with bottle to-day, you will soon feel
like new woman with ambition 10
work, without fear Of pain. Mr. John
Downing, of San Francisco, writes
"Gratitude for the wonderful effect OF
Electric Bitters prompts me TO write: II
cured my wife when all else failed" Good
for the Iiveras well. Nothing better for In
digestion or biliousness. Prices, SOC and
Sl.O0, at Hills Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1913-09-04

The day of harsh physics is gone.
People want mild easy laxatives. Doan's
ReguIets have satisfied thousands. 25c
at all drug stores.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02
A SNOW FURRY.

During the afternoon ~ thu boy was
sitting ia the doorway. u cloud hid the
*un and the air seemed 20 turn cold and
bleak. IT grew darker and darker. sud
denly gust of wind took the boys hat
OF and he had 10 chase II long way up
tn" mountain. BY the time he returned
to the cabin Iittle 1akcs OF snow began 20
furry from the sky
I'll" boy went insid. and barred the
door. lie sat dawn and cnd-avored 10 in
terest hiraself in a dilapidated volume Of
Robinson Crusoe. An hour PASSED m
this way. and vet his father and Blarney
did not come home and hc began To BE- a
little anxious II was not 80 much his
fathers staying away that worried him
~ II was the blizzard. for the wind was
bowling around the cabin and the trees
were grooming and creakinc. The STOW
fell ia immense flakes. 50 thick that am
one out In the Storm would SURE H. be lost
as he could not SCI more than'two feet "a
mont of himself. -
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02
AND
INAUGURATIONS
CHANGES.

Tuesday. March 4. President Wood
row Wilson will be the new Executive
IT the United states of America. ii"
is the first Democratic President since
President Cleveland'S administration
and those of us who are Democrats
will rejoice and those of us who are
Reppblicans or ProgreSsive> must ne
hsppy. too. Why: Because ii IL up
to rs" to make the best cf eNcrythih"
and be glad to give every one an OPP
nortunity TO do the best he can with
out casting cloud Of unhappneSS
over everything.
When a much loved teacher leaves
orr school and we know that another
ie coming i'm il would be mighty hard
On the new teacher To have every one
sulky and cross. Ii would he bad Tor
us too. because no one can do Ms
work we'll when things are gloomy ana
people are sulky. and therefore we
could not expect our teacher I" teach
ms nor ourselves tn learn anything. -
IL hehooves every one Ia try Ia he
happy always and always hope for the
hest IL we want the best from others
and from ourselves. too.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02
FLOWERS OF
EARLY SPRING
BY ROYAL Dixon.

Too early 10 speak OF spring plants. NO.
indeed for according TO the almanac March
y winter really ends: 81, shall We say,
spring begins? On that date the sun viii
cross the Equator. and nothing under the
sun can stop him. We have had enough
winter: and the almanac saws spring has
arrived Bur there are surer ways Of
telling something in the air whispers
JOY. Is it cold out? ON. yes, but We
don't care-it is spring Even the pussy
willows are in bloom. and the tiny blue
violots are beginning to wake mp: II you
go 10 the little brook maybe you'll find
watcrcress. or see an extra ambitious bee
FIXING among tho haZlenut bushes. with
his tiny legs covered In golden dust from
the pussy-willows and the hazeInut
bushes Yes. the hazlenuts are I'm bloom.
and the bees discovered il long before We
did. but Mother Mature mas many chill
dren wiser than We.
Al. how long Mother Natures children
have been sleeping. Through All the
drcary days OF winter they have been IN
this state of apparent lifelessness. Hid
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02
AN INDIAN APPEARS.

"I=h''
Both man and 10, wer" startled A.
Tie, heard this exclamation. and turned
There stood a stalwsrt Indian watching
their proceedings he seemed Ike a
Giant TO the whit. 90, a b." stood theI"
No better specimen of ply seal manhood
va ever -ceu. lii~ features Wer" per
lect dark. slcam.Es "}es. determined
chm and his long black hair hung down
lis back. Ills head Vas set on Shoulders
Of IN enormous size: pair Of long. mus
ctIar arms huus 1T his sides. AMI his
massive chest expanded. showing his en-
parent strength
For moment no one SPOKE. then tn"
Indian N v.iy crcditable English. said
Il take The man: YOU Follow me
Tie Indian strobe forward. hfted tie
hunter in one arm and the dog in Tia"
other then started through the snow
he walked on and on. not seeming 20
rir. in the least OF his heavy burden. II
seemed h. the hoy a. II they had walked
miles but on account Of TIA, deep snow
they made slow progress.
Th. Indian led thc way through a thick
wood. and finally came to small clear
NIX or which stood e hut. ne. entered.
rut down the dog by the nre and pro-
c.edea 10 take the clotniue of tho huntcr
and rub him vigorously. After an hours
work the half frozen hunter opened his
,ycs aud turned to see where he was.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02

them, The marsh maricod. with rs
striking yellow varnsh and fat stalk, 10
most welcome among the early insecis
and lies r. beauty is unriyallcd among
The yellow flowers. but that Is not ne
only claim 10 notice hcre-it actually en-
tortains, or keeps A wonderful little M
stefan, Yes. perhaps he does catch fly
occasionally 80. YOU may not have heard
cf this musician. have YOU? I'll explain
or course. You know. most plants are DE-
pendent upon insects and also upon TIE
sun. but tie marsh marigold does nor
exactly need ,but I'm not surel this tiny
mite OF q frog. who is not more than
three-fourths Of an inch long and who sits
oa the leaves OF the marlgold ard may be
heard about { O'Clock. Now. II YOU wish
To hear him on some spring afternoon slip
uoiselessly ~ 10 this plant and watch and
listen. Perhaps you will see him creep
ing on the leaves OF the marsh marigod.
and his name is spring creeper.' Maybe
he will sing to you; II he does don't
laugh at his high pitched tenor voice.
Won can't initiate IT, he sings with an
os.-cuttine shrlll in T. hat-in the highest
octave on the piano. But what use Is he
10 the plant? Perhaps none: they may
joe lust good friends. Go listen 10 bin
aud soc n Won can't find out
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02
THE PRINCESS'S PERIL.

But. alas the dav came when there
were no more sheep ol cattle 10 give the
beast and then il was drcresd that each
day lots should h. drawn. and that ia.
man OF woman drawing The unlucky mum
her should he thrust without the gates Ia
feed the monster This worked well for a
time. until one day the kings cauehter. 4
beautiful young maiden. drew the fat-d
number. Bitterly the king bewaiicd hi,
tate. but the peopl" We're ineNorable. and
the beautiful maiden. after beGSiuS he
fathers blessing. wen; forth without the
gates. wceping bitterly ana trembling
with untold horror.
As she Was Ireading the dreaded path
toward the marsh. Strewn with the bones
at former victims. she aav mounted on a
noble sterd q young soldier I pom his
asking the maiden IN" 'arisr OF her tears
she told him the story and hurricdiV
begged him To- hasten away. or he too,
would meet with dir, tate.
Fear not replied the YOUNG soldier.
FOR viii deliver yod'
Again the maid imporri hin 20 ily. hU'
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02
THE BOY BEGINS A SEARCH.

Another hour passed. and stili the Storm
ragged on. The boy paced hack and forth
IN the little cabin. and then With 4 sud
den idea, he pIt on his heavy bearsb1u
coat took his rifle and his pine torch.
tLcn wen, out OF the cabin into the black-
ness of the night.
The snow Wss already knee deep and
here aud there he had u struggle through
"a deep drift For half An hour he kept
on. holding the torch high above his head,
then he was pulled into a cabin by his
friend. Jack Broweu. an old hunter. Wnu
had lived alone IN the mountains a. LONG
~ the hoy had known him.
What in time are ye d"in out in this
.ort Of night" he demanded. as he
pu.led the boy inside and closed the door
My father is out In the storm. and |
came to SEQ if you would help me 10 had
him" said the boy
NO use. my boy. no use. II We venture
into this storm well be loot. sure as my
name H. Jack BIoweu. said the old man
shaking his gray head.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02

den away under the ground the wood
chuck sleeps. and, no doubt. about this
time of year he begins To- dream OF clover
leaves. and wish spring would hurry on.
But he is not the only animal sleeping
under the ground or under the snow on
this cold February day: many wild brown
rabbits are snuGlv hidden i'm the tall.
snow covered grass, nibbliue here aud
there for live root of grass. or slipping
out To snaw on the Young trees. Poor
mother bear T. all covered mp i'm her icy
den nursing her babies. although she
hasn't eaten for months. The skunk cab
bage is also growing restless and already
its IN smelling blossoms are beginning 10
peep up through the frosty ground. jeal-
oLsly procldimins themselves as the first
n, Of Spripr
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02
THE MONSTER.

once upon time Silrne. a CITY on Asia
Minor. was IN sore distress. without the
city. in a neiehborinS marsh. dwelt L
dreadful beast. with a gigantic crocodi"
head. with braZ.n scales Ike the clash
iu- 81 am armor bright. with enormous
wings like unto sails in which the hollow
wind Is gathered with &n enormous tai
with sting in the end. and With iron
teeth and claws.
From time To- time this hug" monster
would issue forth from his lake and de-
your the hocks and hefds Of thu people
round about. until the pe"pl" wrro COM
PEELED to seek refuge within the cltys
walls Then the beast Ncuiurcd near the
city with q dreadful roaring. aud with
such = fol breath that III who inhaled II
Zen dead. Vt last the king. IA order to
appease the ravacer. ordered that each
DAY two sheep should bc thrown to him.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02
,1Z9TTTBVNE JVNIOR FORWM1ElG2kl

Winter has been hard on some OF Mo,h.
Natures children; many trees are ben, !,
the heavy storms. especially Young fra.
Here and there are humpbacked c.d.s
with twisted branches. Some have h..
pushed down by snow and ice. oth.,.
broken and twisted by winds and 81,
others actually blown to the earth. On
now most of them will soon arise A.,
take on a now freshness or put on a NJ,
new dress, for spring is coming Soma =
the willows were very wise. and when ~.
ice and snow weighted them down "a,
much they dropped many Of their lin.
branches TO the earth. and by and nv
when the snow is all gone, and the war,
sunshine floods the ground. these ve,,
little branches will take root and NAH,
new willow trees. Isn't that a wonderru
way for them To act? Tat is why ",
have SO many willows growing near IN,
brooks. Why do We have all this wonder.
ful spring awakening? No one can an.
swer. II is miracrc.
Hero comes 2 host Of spring flowers
each one claiming some special notice
What snail ] DO? II would comple,el,
0ll The Tribune to mention one-tenth n,
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-02
A KINGS VISION.

shortly after he appeared again To- 2
not,I King of England and hv his mi
raculous help enabled him To win s.vctd.
battles. Henceforth IN" !ittic White cross.
the emblem of Christianity. scwel ou the
Surcoats OF the Crusaders. became rcd
one In honor OF the good saint by tu'
end of the twelfth century the soldier
saint had become the ration saint Of q
country now known as one OF ,hc CREATES:
IN the world.
Now this 10 the true atory ABOUT this
good man but after his death little met
dents began 10 be told about h!m-iecc nds
We call them FOR We are not always sure
that they arc tue. one 81 theS- legend :
f. 50 beautiful illust'1tin- 80 clearly tn
steadfastness of the Young soldiers faith
aud his chiyalry and bravery. that ! am
going 10 tell II 10 YOU.