Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1913-08-15
O. HENRY STORIES

sOundingly through his door by the
eleemosynary press.
So then fearfully through the Haroun
| haunted streets creep the one eyed
calenders, the Little Hunchback and
the BARRIERS Sixth Brother, hoping to
escape the ministrations of the rowing
horde of calphoid sultans.
Entertainment for many Arabian
nights might be had from the histories
of those who have escaped the lar.
gesse of the army of Commanders of
the Faithful. Until dawn you might
sit on the enchanted rug and listen to
such stories as are told of the powerful
genie Roc Eff El-Er, who sent the Forty
Thieves to soak up the oil plant of All
Bahia; of the good Caliph KarNeg-Ghe,
who gave away palaces: of the Seven
Voyages Of Sailbad, the Sinner, who
frequented wooden excursion steam
ers among the islands; of the Fisher
man and the Bottle; of the Barmecides'
Boarding house: of Aladdin's rise to
wealth by means of his Wonderful Gas
Meter.
But now, there being ten sultans to
one SheheraZade, she is held too valua-
BILE to be in fear of the bowstring. In
consequence the art of narrative Ian
cuisines And as the lesser caliphs are
hunting the happy poor and the resign
ed unfortunate from cover to cover in
order to heap upon them strange mer
cies and mysterious benefits. too often
comes the report from Arabian head
quarters that the captive refused ''to
talk"
This reticence, then, in the actors
who perform the sad comedies of their
philanthropy scourged world must. in a
degree, account for the shortcomings
of this painfully cleaned tale, which
shall be called 'The Story of the
Caliph Who Alleviated His Con-
science"
Old Jacob Spraggins mixed for him
self some Scotch and lithia water at
his 81 200 oak sideboard Inspiration
must have resulted from his inhibition,
for Immediately afterward he struck
the quartered oak soundly with his fist
and shouted to the empty dining room:
ut must be that $4,000! If 1 can
get that squared it'll do the trick
When old Jacob was young Jacob he
was a breaker boy in a Pennsylvania
coal mine. He hitched up his galluses
put dollar or two in side PROPOSE
ton now and then, and at forty five
was worth COO 600 0O0
There, now, it's over. Hardly had
time to yawn, did you? I've seen BIZ
ographies that-but let us dissemble.
/ want you to consider Jacob Sprag-
gins, Esq, after he had arrived at the
seventh stage of his career. The stages
meant are: First, humble origin; second,
deserved promotion; third, stakeholder;
fourth, capitalist; fifth. trust magnate;
sixth, rich malefactor; seventh, caliph;
eighth, Y. The eighth stage shall be
left to the higher mathematics.
At ffty-fVe Jacob retired from &C.
tive business. The income of a car
was still rolling in on him from coal,
iron, real estate, OIL railroads, manu-
factories and corporations, but none of
it touched Jacobs hands in a raw
carefully cleaned and busted and fumi-
gated until it arrived at its ultimate
stage of untainted, spOtless checks in
the white fingers of his private secre-
tary. Jacob built a $3.OO0.O0O palace
on a corner lot fronting on Nabob ave-
nue.. city Of New Bagdad, and began
to feel the mantle of the late H. A
Raschid descending upon him. Even
Ictually Jacob slipped the mantle under
his collar, tied it in neat four-in-hand
and became a licensed barrier of our
Mesopotamian proetariat
When mans income becomes so
large that the butcher actually sends
him the kind of steak he orders he be-
gins to think about his souls salvation.
Now. the various stages or classes of
rich men must not be forgotten. The
capitalist can tell you to a dollar the
amount of his wealth. The trust mag
nate estimates" it. The rich malefac.
tor hands you cigar and denies that
he has bought the p. d. and @. The
caliph merely smiles and talks about
Hammerstein and the musical lasses.
There is a record of tremendous alter
cation at breakfast in a "where to dine
Well tavern between a magnate and
his wife. the rift within the loot being
| that the wife calculated their fortune
at figure $3.O0O.O0O higher than did
her future divorce.
When Jacob first began to compare
| the eyes of needles with the camels In
| the ZOO he decided upon organized
| charity. He had his secretary send a
check for 81 100000 to the Universal
| Benevolent Association of the Globe.
| You may have looked down through a
| grating in front of decayed ware
house for a nickel that you had drop
| ped through. But that is neither here
nor there. The association acknowl-
| edged receipt of his favor of the oath
/ ut. with Enclosure as stated. Sepa-
rated by a double line, but still mighty
close to the matter under the caption
of oddities of the Days News in an
| evening paper, Jacob Spraggins read