Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-02-05
At the End Of the Rainbow.
INSUFFICIENT EVIDENCE.
BY Walt Mason.

II don't like to complain. Mr.. Grinder -
said Peckinpaw, but YOUR cow has be-
come a nuisance and has done no end of
damage on my premises. Last night my
wife left washing out on the line and
that COW came over and knocked the
whole business down. | heard the rum
pus and looked out of the window and
saw her at her disreputable tricks"
How do you know she was my COW.
Mr.. Peckinpaw?' inquired Grinder 1.-The
people OF this neighborhood have it in
for that unfortunate creature merely be-
cause she isn't as pretty as some cattle.
She has one horn knocked off and her
tail is only six inches long, and. as a con-
sequence people assume that she has no
moral character. and whenever ANYTHING
happens in this neighborhood they blame
1t on her l never saw anything so heart
less, SO unfair. The poor animal seems
10 Know she Is unpopular. and she takes
1t to heart She bawls in the most pitiful
way because of the injustice"
Yes. and her bawling keeps everybody
awake every night. If YOU have any in
nuence with the brute | wish you'd get
her to do her singing in the daytime
But her cantatrice efforts have nothing
to do with the weeks washing that was
ruined at our place. and | want to know
what you're going to do about it
Il m not going to do anything about it.
Mr. PecklnpaW. You come over here say
ing that my oppressed and downtrodden
COW destroyed your washing. What evil
dence do YOU bring? Could you go into
court and swear that it was my cow you
saw in your yard? You saw the animal
from your bedroom window, you say, but
the night was dark, and l defy any man
to identify cow in the dark at dis
lance of six feet. Can you swear that
the COW that did the mischief was bob
tailed? Can you make oath that she was
crOss-eyed? If not, how are you going to
convince a jury that you recognized my
COW?
Come out of it, Mr.. Peckinpaw. You
should be ashamed to fall victim to
vulgar error and accuse my COW Just be-
cause of the popular prejudice against
her. Unless you make a retraction |
shall sue you for SANDER and defamation
of character, for that cows character is
just precious to me as my own She
has been maligned and vilified long
enough.
"One night last fall Mr.. Sllmover, an
other neighbor who is given to snap judg-
ment, came laundering at my door at an
unholy hour, and when l let him in he
was In perfect passion. His nose was
bleeding and his hat was ruined and two
of his teeth were missing. He explained
that he was going home late and my
cow was lying down on the sidewalk. He
fell over her and mashed his face against
the brick walk, and he was naturally in
dignant and threatened personal violence
Let us see,' l said. IF my cow can
not prove an alibi' So I lit lantern
and escorted Mr.. Slmover back to the
barn. and there we found the COW chew
ing her cud and shedding tears of humil-
iation she reflected upon the misrep-
reSentation she was subjected to. The
unfortunate creature is orphan and
lacked early advantages. but her feeling
are tender and she suffers greatly
Mr.. Slimover was COMPOUNDED when he
found the animal there. He said he'd
have sworn it was my cow. but he was
, obliged to admit his mistake and he
apologiZed like a gentleman. Things have
come to such a pass around here that if
a man is bitten by dog or kicked by a
horse he blameS my cow. and I'm getting
tired of It. So unless you can bring COM
petent witnesses to prove that the mar
tyred animal pulled down your clothes
line l can offer You no relief. / give you
fair warning, Mr.. Peckinpaw, that if you
go around spreading stories injurious to
the cows reputation I'll have the law
on YOU.
And | give You fair warning. Mr.
Grinder. that I'm going to buy shotgun
about fourteen cubts long and load it
with blasting powder and shingle nails.
and the next COW that comes around my
premises Is going to have a bad ten min
utes. whether she has bobtail or not"