Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-01-25
Stories About People.

Stories About People.
when the new parcel post Is
started" read Mr.. Slumps, "the rates
will be ccording to the zon' In which
.-e parcel Is carried"
That's right enough" commented
Mrs. Slumps 1T stands to reason
It's worth more to carry package to
the Klondike, up in the arctic zone or
Gown to Panama In the tropic zone.
But here in the United States. hich
is all in the temperate zone, I cant
see it makes any difference. Bin.
The mother was At the zoo with her
little boy, and the boy said: Mother
come and see the dangerous"
The mother corrected him, saying:
"Not daLgeroos, dear--kangeroos."
mo, mother, DEAR" said the boy.
"they are dangerous; come and III
show YOU"
HE led his mother to where there
was this notice on the cage OF some
animals: These animals are danger.
|ons."-London p. I. p. NJ
A woman was in law court when
she was asked her age, and answered.
,irty-five."
But" objected the Judge, you were
before me two years ago, and you said
then you were s5."
"Your honor" she loftily replied, ~
am not one who would say ono thing
at ore time and another thing ut an
other time"-Ladies' Home Journal.
Two chance acquaintances from
ireland were talking together.
An so yer name Is Riley" said
one. ere yez amy relation to Tim
Riley?"
very distantly," said the other.
"Oi was me mothers first child, an
Tim was the twelfth"
What Jimmie Got.
Jimmie had been naughty hoy.
we presume but there Is a note Of
pathos in the humor of the converse
ton he conducted with the little girl
next door on the day after his sixth
birthday, which was last Monday.
SHOW me what you got for your
birthday, Jimmie" begged the little
girl.
"Oh, please. Amt I nice to you? 81
yep. You're all right"
| "Then show me what you got."
IT darsn't- honest, Marg'ret, |
darsn't!"
Investigation revealed that the poor
kid had received nothing but spank
| ing.-Exchanse.
"Can you saw woodr'
Madam, was taught to say, "Can
you see wood?' or 4 see wood brt
4 can saw wood, Is bad grammar, an
I don't use that expression"
Organist discussing the music for
special service) And after that
chant I'll put In something lighter.
something to relieve the heavy
classic style of the To Deum.
Balkins ION the committee) An,
anything to relieve the tedium Will
be appre ciated.-Tatler.
well, Johnny" said the hard
hearted employer, II don't $50 how
you will get out to any base ball
games next season, as your grand.
mother died four times last sum
mer."
"But, SIR" answered Johnny.
grandpa has married again, Al
though 1t was much against tho
wishes of the family"
"why is it that Hendrix Is able to
dress so much better and i've In 30
much finer style than you do? UNI
derstand that his salary is no higher
than yours"
| "The explanation is very simple.
He has a daughter and I have q son.
My son has to pay the expenses for
both whenever they go anywhere
together. Record-H erald.
"What are you doing here asked
Hickenlopper, as he perceived
Rippleigh standing outside the
| white house. Looking for an office.
like the rest Of these chaps?"
mo, sirree," said Rippleigh. Il
believe that the office should seek
the man. I'm just standing here
waiting, so that when the office
comes out on the search I'll be
where 1t can find me" g
| At the democratic, convention IN
Baltimore last summer two Of the
sergeants.at-arms were Ohioans, Col.
John Bolan Of Toleda and Capt. To-
seph Bowling of Dayton. Bolan As
the wit who laid down the maxim
that ANY man who parts his hair
in the middle is no dimmycrat."
When Cardinal Gibbons had fin
ished the opening prayer, he de-
scended from the rostrum and made
his way toward the door. AS he
neared the exit where the two
Ohioans we're on guard, Bolan
whispered:
i Joe. touch him whin he passes
lye.'
/ "All right, colonel" replied bowl.
ling, with an innocent air. What
I pocket has he got It fn?"
viii Aid Suffraoists.