The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-02-21

| lock himself up In his library ana
prepare verbal gunshot with which to
pepper Uncle William when the night
of nights arrived.
OF course, Uncle William played the
same cards and spent hours daily In
his word factory turning out tart re-
marks with which to sting Uncle
Peter.
The excitement grew apace, and
everybody took sides, from the infant
In arms up to the octogenarian.
one morning witnessed meeting
between our German grocer's boy
with the Grant button pinned to his
calico shirt and the red-headed kid
who had pinched Uncle Peters first
speech, the latter with the Gray rib
ron tied around his suspender.
What are you wearin' that button
for? You amt got no vote" sneered
Rsddy.
"Oh! / don't know" answered
Dutchy. I'm carryin' just about as
/ much steam as you are. Pipe the rag
on the bracesl What is 1t, the Rus
sian fag?"
you seem TO think old Peter Grant
is all the eggs, don't you?" said Reddy.
"Well, he amt the only pie on the
counter-the flies can get to him, all
right"
rs that SOL" answered Dutchy;
"you think you're pretty warm wealth
er, don't you?"
"Oh, maybe, but I amt no gas-stove
like you!"
well, don't see you doin' no
home-cookin'
That's because your lamps is
smoky. You want to get somebody to
rub water on you with a hose!"
"Uh! you amt the whole church
you can be crowded." said Dutchy.
You have a swell bunch Of come
backs, haven't you?" Reddy snapped.
''You must've been listenin' to ball
camel"
81 don't see your license to look
wise" the other answered. where's
the medal you got for keepin' out of
the foolish house?"
Pm so hot I'd melt 1t; I've got on
fireproof underclothes."
What's the matter with water
proof?"
Don't let that put you off the car.
I'm still able to read the news to you,
all right"
oh, perhaps!"
whats the matter; amt you got
no more bum wheezes to pull?"
"Oh, frequentlyt You amt Uganda
you can be reached in few days!"
"Mebbe, but you amt the only low
collar in the laundry-you can be
turned down."
"Sometimes-but not by the Chink
In the lookout"
Then they went at it, hammer and
tongs, and 1t took Hank about FIVE
minutes to separate them.
An hour or so later, as l sat on the
veranda trying to figure out some way
to finish the campaign in blaze of
Grant glory, 1 overheard old Barney
Doolin, our stableman, airing his po-
litical views for Hank the gardeners
benefit.
THE daysire for political PRAYER
ment is so shtrong in some min" Bar
ney was saying, that they can't kape
shtill unless they's runnin' for Office" ;"
"Oh, much better!" answered Hank;
''the attakt only lasted two days with
Genevive, but the second youngest is
ailin' with her teeth" Hank was
stone deaf.
Supremely unconscious of this irrel-
evant interruption, Barney gazed away
over the meadows and proceeded with
his soliloquy:
Take that old felly, William Gray"
he said, rehectively; sure he thinks
he ought to be a STATESMAN just be-
cause he have money enough in his
overalls to pay his fare to Washing
ton"
l don't know just where Barney's
political dream finally landed him, for
at this moment a delegation of ward
workers waited upon me, so had to
go for the checkbook and have
coughing spell.
"Dis man, Bunch ChefPerson is
working, working, working to remove
der society wote," Conrad Puffenlotz,
my lieutenant in the fourth ward, in
formed me
"I've been wise to that gag for some
time, Conrad" | answered
Should we gif pink tea or some
ding like lawn feet or monkey din
ner to get society on our side" in
quired Conrad earnestly.
mo" l said, 1--WE got better and
less expensive plan. You know Mr..
Bunch Jefferson thinks he's the best
little society man that ever walked be-
hind a white vest. He's got an idea In
his noddle that the social push has
put up his photo on every mantel, and
now It's up to me to cure him"
How could you dit it?" asked Con-
rad, while the other willing workers
went after the bug bitters.
well, I'll tell you," answered,
i've cooked up bunch Of shine so'
ciety advice which is supposed to have
been written by Bunch. I've had 1Or
s-asea-s-