davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

While on percentage, bytheway. will
the sporting eds please stop writing It
1000 per cent when they mean pertec-
ton? It's far from It,
The Washington times., 1913-04-26
THAT.
van Sometimes Q Little srfhe Ofher
THE UMPIRE.

It's been remarked time and again
But / shall say it over:
The ump, unhappiest of men
He doesn't live in clover.
From the beginning of the game
Until the struggle ceases,
The fans are loading him NTH
blame
And tearing him to pieces.
But isn't it an awful thing
The nay they roast and stew
him.,
Not by Sir Johnson's pitching wing!
He has it coming to him.
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

"What People Read on Street Cars"
From the "Post'O
Among life's little tragedies one of the
most poignant IS a girl of IS swinging
to car strap and reading Hearts
Courageous.''
The Washington times., 1913-04-26
What's S on tie Program, in
Washington Today

Meeting of Canton Washington, No. ].
i. o. o. F., tonight.
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

Ty Cobb has signed for only one year.
We may have it all over again in 1914.
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

. At one time yesterday there were
eight Congressman in their places. in
elusive Of Speaker. floor leaders, and
whole darned shooting match. Our plat
form; An eight-hour day for Congress-
men!
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

And yet the point Of view sways all
Of IT. The decisioning in yesterdays
eighth. for example, was pronounced by
the local fans 80 4i-loo per cent perfect.
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

But not in midseason form.
The Washington times., 1913-04-26
Praps Not, Also.

G. s. K: Praps the French call 'em
German scare-ships.
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

As to tariff primers. We must investi-
Is coping our stuff. T Is for thunder.
The Washington times., 1913-04-26
The Turkey Was Tame.

GENTLEMAN who was buying
~ turkey from old Uncle Eph-
~ rain asked him in making the
purchase If it was a tame tur-
key.
The Washington times., 1913-04-26
A Safe Guess.

G. S. X: Talking of Concrete
Geometry" I'll bet that it must be
hard. D.F.
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

Permanent head (we'll can EN- some
day): Haywood Indicted. 1. w. w.
Head Arrested In -"
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

The who passes love Bly, and INDUCES lot of cheap
tatons woud probably trade off the Konoor for handful of glass
beads
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

The trouble Nth most husbands is not that their 10
but that grows stae-a gradual Justification of the he
The Washington times., 1913-04-26

An umpirate.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1913-12-10
Now Is the Time

NOW is THE TIME TO SELECT YOUR XMAS
ASSIGNMENTS COMPLETE IN EVERY DETAIL AND BY
SELECTING YOUR FURs NOW YOU OBTAIN QUALITY
AND VALUE AT MOST COMPLETE
SHOWING OF NECK PIECES BLACK AND RED
FOX, MARTEN, BEAVER, WOLF, AND FRENCH COMFY
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1913-12-10
Holiday Linens

ALL LINEN TABLE DAMASk 60c TO $500 PER YARD
NAPKINS TO MATCH ALL LINEN PATTERN CLOTHS WITH
NAPKINS TO MATCH-GOOD LENE OF PATTERNS. LINEN
DAMAsk AND HUCK TOWELS, BOTH PLAIN AND EMBROIDERED
DOILIES CENTERPECEs, LUNCH CLOTHS BIG
VARIETY CHOOSE FROM ALL ARE USEFUL GIFTS
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

go to?" exclaimed the new man In
alarm. "My head lives in Boston ana
elsewhere; my heart lives in ne"
York: my stomach lives in Virginia.
nv left arm lives in Pittsburg and
my right arm in Philadelphia; my
left leg lives at Newport and Fifth
Avenue, and my right leg amt got no
home. Now amt you fellers got me
into devil OF fix?'
Whereupon the pieced-up man
marched angrily out OF the room, ana
the next day the papers stated that
he had killed himself by trying to fol-
low all of his trades at once. HIS
mouth wanted to preach; his heart
wanted to tell lies; his stomach want
ed to plow and eat corn bread and
bacon; his left hand wanted hammer
and his right hand was crazy for
pen; his left leg wanted to strut and
dance and his right leg didn't want to
do anything much. And thus the con-
flicting desires in his person caused
him to fly all to pieces, and they bu-
ried him in a back lot just as the sun
went down, and on the gray slab that
marks the spot they chiseled these
solemn lines:
Poor Mr.. Pieced-Up Man,
His fate is hard to tell;
Perhaps some of him went to
heaven,
And maybe some to hell" III
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01
HOWdy, Folks, HoWdy!

Hello, friends. l got here again
dog my cats if I didn't. Poke out
them 'tater-grabblers and shake hands
with your Uncle. Awful glad to see
you folks again. Been a whole month
since I scraped my brogans on your
doorstep. But once a month is often
enough to keep acquainted, and [
shall continue to pull your latch-string
once every thirty days as long as you
continue to put up the price. And
when you quit I'll quit. But you ain't
agoin' to quit, are you? No, l don't
think you are. You can't afford to
let a pitiful little old dime or two
cheat you out of all the good fun you
can have by reading The Fool-Killer.
Some of your subscriptions will ex-
pire pretty soon and l am expecting
every one of you to renew and send in
about fifteen or forty new subscrip-
tiOns with your renewals. But don't
wait for your subscriptions to ex-
pire before you send in a club. No
sir-ee-Bob. Get out this very day and
hustle up big club and send it in
Every neighborhood is full of people
who will take The Foo1-Killer as soon
as they see it or hear of it. Tote your
copy around with you and read it to
everybody you see till you wear it
out, and then ask for more.
The fools don't like The Foo1-Kil-
Ter, because it puts salt on their sore
places, but the wise people like it and
continue to call for more. Are you
wise?. Then prove it by sending in
whole lot of big clubs to this little
sassy thinkazine. Let constant
stream of clubs come pouring in from
now on. Don't let it slack I'D nary
minute, but just keep shootin' 'em
in. If you folks will just do your
part I'll be tang-taked if I don't do
miney and We'll have the doggondest
most fun you ever heard tell of.
Address: THE FOOL-KILLER
Moravian Falls, N. C.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01
Let Us Talk 1t
Over

Well, dear sinner friends, this is
The Fool Killer.
How does it set on your stomach?
If you like it, you can get more at
headquarters.
The Fool-Killer is not even forty
4eventh cousin to any other paper on
earth.
It stands in a class by itself, and
it's field is as broad as the English
language.
This paper wears no bell, muzzle,
collar nor halter.
You can put that down to start with.
am the fellow who works at the
pump-handle on this pungent period
ical of thrilling thought. I print only
what I write; I write only what l
think; and 1 think what I doggon
please.
own this entire establishment,
and Rockefeller isn't rich enough to
buy one share of it.
Does that sound strange?
Well, bless your soul, I am a great
deal richer than old John.
I never travelled any to speak OF,
but I have read great deal, and have
thunk some.
i have also writ few books which
I know are great, because they don't
sell worth cent.
Great books never do.
And then I started The Fool-Killer,
Just to quiet my nerves apd keep the
old press from getting rusty.
From the seclusion of these wooded
hills there will go forth each month
q bundle of literary dynamite that
will shake the rotten foundations Of
society and cause the Church of Nam
mon to at least turn over in it's sleep.
The Fool-Killer is a monthly mus
! tard-plaster for the blood-boils of
Society, Church and State.
It is salted with wit, peppered with
humor and seasoned with sarcasm.
Every line cuts like a whip, and
every word raises a blister. =
If you are fool you had better not
subscribe for The Fool-Killer. If
you are wise you will. And 80 that
settles it.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

In writing to have your address
changed, please give your old as we'll
as your new address Don't forget
this, as it is very important. We
haven't time here to search through
$4,000 names in order to locate some
body who has moved
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01
Moravian Falls, N. c..

Inc Remonstrator' had printed
something good about J. A. WayIand.
wonder how many of the plute pa
pers would have grabbed it up and
printed 1t as a fact without further
investigation?
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

If you can't pronounce the name of
the President of Mexico, don't worry
they change every, few minutes, and
maybe the next one will be easier.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

1t does seem like the forces of Ma
ture are against the Dimmycrats
Just look at the floods, tornadoes and
other calamities we have had since
March 4th.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

Perhaps one reason the Dimmy-
Gratis want free wool is because they
want to be sure and keep enough
wool on hand to pull over the eyes of
the fool voters.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

When Wilson gets done "studying
the Mexican situation" he can find a
plenty right here at home 20 study
about
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

It's strange thing to me that a
man with as much power as the pope
of Rome claims to have must lie down
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

Yes, honey! In this country we
make paupers by law, and then punish
them by law for being paupers. I tell
you we are the last button on consis-
tency's coat, anyhow.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

Scientists are trying to find way
to utilize our immense waste products.
Maybe they will be able to discover
way to use up rotten liars and crooked
politicians.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

Running both The Commoner and
the government must keep Kernel
Bryan purity tolerable busy these
days.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

One of our old proverbs says:
"Curiosity once killed a cat" Now /
wonder what it was the cat wanted to
know?
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01
4 SURGICAL WONDER.

stuck one more big buzzard feather
in her calico bonnet.
Up at the Rocky D. Oilyfeller In
stitute in New York, where medical
and surgical science blooms more
freely and bears a bigger crop Of SEN
sations than anywhere else in the
world-there it is that they have
stuck the peg one hole higher.
It's got so now that they can just
whittle a fellow all up fine and put
him back together with his head in
his mouth, and he will never know
the difference unless he gets choked
on hair.
The firm of Sawbones & Company
have got limb-grafting down as fine
as frog-hair, and nowhere can they
carve up a man SO successfully as
at the Rocky hangout The fame OF
that powerful institution had drawn
together a great number of the halt
and the lame. Among the number
was preacher, lawyer, a farmer,
dude, drummer, blacksmith, an
editor and a tramp. These men were
almost complete physical wrecks,
but it happened that each one had
just one sound limb or part, and each
mans sound place was in a different
part of him.
So the wise Rocky doctors got
these poor fellows on their carving
tables and began to carve and saw,
like butcher cutting up an old steer.
They cut out and throwed away all
the diseased parts, and when they took
an inventory they had just enough
remnants to make one man. They
were a little shy on brains, and had a
little more belly than they needed, so
they hashed up some of the belly and
put it in for brains.
Then they began to assemble the
parts. They took the head of the
preacher, put into it all the brain
matter they could scrape up, and
then whanged it onto the chest of the
drummer with a leather string. Then
| they took the heart of the lawyer,
and the stomach and bowels of the
farmer, and put them in place. Their
stock Of arms consisted of the left
arm of the blacksmith and the right
arm Of the editor, and these were
soon attached. Then they had one leg
of the dude and one leg Of the tramp,
and it was only the work OF a few
minutes to get them spliced on at the
proper place.
| And thus the composite man was
finished. The doctors all gathered
around and looked ON in great ad-
miration. Their new creation had
the appearance of being just little
bit out of proportion in some places.
but they thought he would get over
that in few days. So they got an
oil can and oiled his bearings
thoroughly, put some clothes on him
and told him to get up. He yawned
and sat up on the table and looked
around the room sorter funny
! 'How do you feel?" inquired one of
| the doctors.
| 81 feel like a bowl of mule hash
with dog hair in it, replied the man.
|'Do you know who you are?" asked
another doctog
| mo, | ain Sbeen introduced to my
self yet,' said the man.
Then they put him to bed and al
flowed him to sleep a few hours, after
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

When the devil wants something
done that he is ashamed to do himself
he turns the job over to hypocrite.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

The heather worshipped an idol of
stone, but nothing short of an idol of
gold will satisfy civilized man.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

Society etiquette is the science of
making a fool of yourself to please
other fools.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

The Men and Hypocrisy Backward
Movement is now an orphan. Poor
thing!
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

They sure don't waste any time in
Mexico deliberating over what to do
with their ex-presidents.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01
TAKE NOTICE!

TAKE NOTICE!
Do not send postage stamps on sub
scriptiOn.
Remittances should be made by
registered letter, express or postomce
money order.
Be careful to write your own name
and address plainly, and direct all
letters and make all orders payable
to:
THE FOOL-KILLER,
Neravian Falls, North Carolina.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

Why don't T. r. go down and settle
that Mexican fuss, wonder? ~
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

Entered as second class matter
March 80, 1910, at the postoftice at
Moravian Falls, N. c., under the act
Of March 8, 1879.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

When you can't sleep, think of The
FOol-Killer
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01

Shoot Fool-Killers at 'em and you'll
get 'em. *e,--<
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01
]. L. PEARSON, EDITOR.

One year to your heart, 70 Cents.
In clubs of Five or More, 15 Cents.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01
Still a-killin' a EN-.

Whoop-pee. Send me a club.
The fool-killer., 1913-04-01
EDITORIALS.

EDITORIALS.
Still a-killin 'em.
Whoop-pee. { Send me a club.
When you can't sleep, think of The
Shoot Fool-Killers at 'em and you'll
get 'em.
Why don't T. r. go down and settle
that Mexican fuss, wonder?
Society etiquette is the. science of
making a fool of yourself to please
other fools.
When the devil wants something
done that he is ashamed to do himself,
he turns the job over to hypocrite.
The Men and Hypocrisy Backward
Movement is now an orphan. Poor
thing!
The heather worshipped an idol of
stone, but nothing short of an idol of
gold will satisfy civilized man.
They sure don't waste any time in
Mexico deliberating over what to do
with their ex-presidents.
One of our old proverbs says:
"Curiosity once killed a cat" Now /
wonder what it was the cat wanted to
know?
When Wilson gets done "studying
the Mexican situation he can find a.
plenty right here at home 20 study
about.
Running both The Commoner and
the government must keep Kernel
Bryan purity tolerable busy these
days.
It's a strange thing to me that a
man with as much power as the pope
of Rome claims to have must lie down
and die like an ordinary mortal
-~@@-
II you can't pronounce the name of
the President of Mexico, don't worry
they change every. few minutes, and
maybe the next one will be easier.
Scientists are trying to find way
to utilize our immense waste products.
Maybe they will be able to discover
way to use up rotten liars and crooked
politicians.
1t does seem like the forces of Ma
ture are against the Dimmycrats.
Just look at the floods, tornadoes and
other calamities we have had since
March 4th
Yes, honey! In this country we
make paupers by law, and then punish
them by law for being paupers. I tell
you we are the last button on consis-
tency's coat, anyhow
Perhaps one reason the Dimmy-
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-01-09
Deeds Filed.

L
To George Beaudetts to remodel
store front, 10 Mesa avenue. estimated
cost $500.
Deeds Filed.
South side of Douglas, between Alta
and COpia Streets. +. Priest to Lang
ford ]. Locke. lots 10 to 20, block 126,
east FL PasO; consideration, $1,000;
December 19, 1912
South side of Rio Grande, between
West Boulevard and alley-EIchard F.
Burgess and ". Cooley to Fanny Mont
gomery Davis, lots AZ to 50, block 6,
Sunset Heights; consideration. $1,000;
January 3. 1913.
FL Pase county, TeXas-Benancia
NLea1hy to Frank r Tobin. 26 and 5-14
acres, Ascarate grant; consideration,
Sl0- January 3, 1918.
West side Of Oregon between Sixth
and Seventh streets-Charles B. Ste
north Il feet of lot z. and south is feet
OF lot s. block q, CampbelPs addition
ccnslderation, $3.50; January 4, 1913.
III PaSo county, Texas J. Gil
cfrist and Crawford Harvie to Charles
DAVIS, lots to Is, block 16 Manhattan
Der Is 1912
North side of Boulevard. between
3ustlh ana Newman streets. W.
EaIker and wife and George B. Oliver
ana wife to Fannie H Scott, easterly
70 % 1eet of lot % and westerly Is 2-S
4SeL OF lot "a block 81. Franklin
Der II. 1912.
south fsde OF Manzana. between Co
pia and city limits-Fast FL Paso town
mpany TO Urbana Gardea, lots II and
70, Dl SS6, Al, east Ell Paso; cOnsidera-
IlOn' $SVO; December IS, 1912.
Licensed to Wed.
Eloel SOTO and LuiSa Moreno.
SIMON Rios and Cayetana Torres.
FRANK Etle and Norma HeLlWeg.
Births-BOys.
r 10 MRS Jose Sulia $50 Fourth street
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-01-09
4 FAMOUS BOND
ISSUE PAID OFF
Santa Fe Got Funny With a
Railroad and Has Paid
the Price Dearly.

Santa Fe, N NJ, Jan. 9-One thou
sand and fifty-eight $1,000 bonds Of
series c, provided for in the state con-
sitution, for the redemption Of the
Bonded Indebtedness of Grant and
Santa F'e counties have been turned
over to W. n COler & company and in
return LOSS, goo of the Santa Fe cOun-
ty bonds, defaUlted interest and jUdg-
ments turned over to the state loan
commission.
Thus ended one gloomy chapter in
Santa Fe cOunty's financial history
commencing a third of a century ago,
when Santa Fe, thinking the then
building AtchisOn road either could
not or would not build through north
through the capital city, instead of
giving free right of way through the
county and terminal site, as other
towns were doing, Santa Fe demanded
$4,000 for the REQUIRED land Thus it
happened that the nearest the main
line came to Santa Fe was Lamy, Is
miles away Since the railroad would
not come to Santa Fe. Santa Fe had to
go to the railroad, so the Lamy branch
was built bonds to the amount of $780,
GOO being issued These, nor any in
terest were ever paid. Bonds for a
like amount were also issued to secure
the building into Santa Fe of the mar
row gage, the Denver & Rio Grande
branch These, too, went unpaid and
the interest was defauited. Supreme
court decisions rendered the Santa Fe
county bonds invalid, a parallel case
in Arizona being carried to the United
States supreme court and there de-
cided against the bonds
Thomas B. CatrOn, at that time dele
gate from New Mexico, introduced a
bill which was passed, and the bonds
validated, but still no interest nor
principal was paid. When the consti-
tuition was framed provision was made
for bond issue to refund the debts OF
the various counties. This was to be
called series B. The total exclusive
OF Grant and Santa Fe counties amount
ed only to $45O,OO0, but the other coun-
ties refused to be taxed to pay the big
Indebtedness of Santa Fe and Grant
counties, amounting to over a million
and quarter, so a special bond issue,
series G. was provided for. This issue
was guaranteed by a grant of 1000, 600
acres of land from the United States.
The state has not as yet selected the
million acres from among the $4,000, 900
acres of public domain in New Mexico.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-01-09
DAILY RECORD

Building Permits.
To Fl Paso Electric Railway company
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-01-09

sary on account of shortage Of water
at Allamore. -.
George Chastian has returned to his
home in Maria after a short visit 70
FL PasO. Mr.. Chastian was formerly
carpenter on the G. II.
George Mccoy, switchman on the y.
p who has been working for the past
few days as engine foreman, is now
back at work as helper.
c. G. Davis, conductor on the y p
has reported for duty George savage,
who has been relieving him, IS now
back at work as brakeman.
r P Goodrich, brakeman on the e.
H, is working on the S. P. for few
days in temporary service on account
of a shortage of brakemen.
L NJ. Clark brakeman on the I. r,
is laying off to take his examination
as conductor. c. l. Zwick is reliev-
ing Sr. Clark as brakeman.
81 Lumsden, who has been working
in the G. H. yards at FL PasO as engine
foreman. has been appointed night
yardmaster for the G. H, at Sander
son.
G. Bell, who has been firing the S.
P. switch engine at TOyah for the past
few months has been transferred IN
service. and is now working out OF
FL Paso.
IA G. Clark. brakeman on the G. h.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-01-09

Deming, n. NJ, Jan &C. NJ. Sadler,
having bought the fluor spar mines OF
the American Firemen's Mining company,
has begun the operation of the property,
putting a force of 20 men at work Spar
viii be shipped to the Colorado Fuel and
Iron company, Pueblo, Colo, at the rate
of 500 tons per month Inns spar Is
noted as the purest in the world, run
ming above 80 percent calcium fluOTide-
1t is used by the Colorado Fuel and Iron
company as a fluX- The mines are To-
Gated u miles from Deming at the foot
of the Cooks range. The shipping point
is Florida station Besides the work
ings of the old company, Mr.. Sadler IS
working a number Of new locations,
which are most promising.
Highway Route Selected.
Delegates from the southern tier OF
counties in New Mexico met at Deming
to route the Southern Automobile high
way through New Mexico. The route
agreed upon includes LOrdsburg, Silver
CITY. Deming, Las Cruces, and tentative
" from Cruces TO FL PasO. The New
Mexico auxiliary for this association was
organized with ". S. Cox, of Silver City,
as vice president. and Francis Z. Lester,
of Las Cruces, as state organizer The
meeting of the entire association with
representatives from every state traV-
ersed viii be held in Asheville, n. c.,
February Is next. Dr.. Hoffman, of tins
place. was appointed a committee on
resolutions. The resolutions adopted
dealt largely with the historic trails
through this portion of New Mexico, and
bring out the fact that Cabeza de Baca
traveTSed this region as early as 1880,
starting from Culiacan and going north
through what is now the state of Sonora
crossing into what is now Grant county
crossing Luna county near the point
where Deming now stands. and from
thence to a point on the Rio Grande
about where Las Cruces is now situated.
The resolutions also call attention 70 the
fact that the old Butterfield trail trav-
erses this particular section, giving an
auto route through here an added his
tOric interest.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-01-09

has been assigned to a regular run be-
tween FL PasO and Valentine. Mr.
Clark was formerly a brakeman on
the Southwestern
Charley Sheay, conductor on the I.
P, who has been working on passen-
ger for the past few trips, is laying
off. Charlie Eckard is now in charge
of Mr.. Sheay'S crew.
L L Parker, the T. P. brakeman.
who has been off for several weeks on
account of an injury has reported for
duty and has been placed on conduc-
tor Billy Moons crew.
Miss Stella Boggs, sister Of carpen-
ter Boggs, of the G.. H, who has been
i'll for some time at her home, 11O7
North Stanton street, has been removed
to Hotel Dieu for treatment.
J. Foster, brakeman on the G. H.
while letting off brake on a car
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-01-09

South side of Douglas, between Alta
and Copia Streets. F. Priest to Lang
ford ]. Locke, lots 10 to 20, block 126,
east FL Paso; consideration $1,000;