Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1913-01-31
The Best Cook In America, Who
Didn't Make Good.
DINNER ALL IN THE SOUP.
Confusing Results That Ensue From
Reading Magazine and Newspaper
Stories About What to Eat and What
Not to Eat.

Just DeiOTe ne StaFteu TOT nome L re-
.ceiyed this telegram. Am bringing on
the best cook in America. Get ready
the fatted calf
Well. dear, you know how excited l
was at the prospect of acquiring such
y domestic prize. for between you and
me | had reached a state when any
thing that could cook potatoes was a
blue ribbon winner. And my neigh
bors were almost as excited over the
"hnd' as myself,
In few days Dick came breezing in,
and following after him in Il stumbling
fashion appeared Il woman without
hat, attired in bright red sweater,
yellow skirt and necktie. Closer view
elected the fact that she was Il full
blooded Indian squaw bore the
shock of tine discovery 'manfiT1iy" for
Dicks sake. merely inquiring her name.
"Gwendolyn." he replied, land she's
the finest cook in America, and, so to
speak. we own her"
Trying to feel hopeful about our re-
Gently acquired possession, ! introduced
Gwendolyn to Nora, our SECOND girl.
and then initiated her into the mystic
ries Of the kitchen. Next day Gwen
do!yn took hold In good earisest, and,
feeling secure in the culinary ability of
my prize, invited several of our near
est friends I'm to have dinner. Time
passed. and the assembled guests ex-
pectantly awaited dinner-assembled
and waited. At last, with some mis-
givings, sought the kitchen. and as
opened the door most alarming vol
ume of smoke greeted me. ] returned
to the dining room with the report that
ii might be all right, but Gwendolyn
didn't seem to understand the use of
coal exactly. She had built kind of
bonfire on top of the range. l refrained
from looking at Dick during the recital.
Well. Elsa, dear. there was a long and
ominous pause Then the door swung
open and Nora entered with the largest
tureen / own In her hands. She set 1t
down in front of Dick with thump
and Il swash.
Its for you to serve It," said she.
at amt soup; 1t amt roast; It's Injun
stew. and Pm leaving this place tomor-
row."
Nora retired. 1t was evident she was
emotionally stirred.
"Dick," cried appealingly, "what In
itY
Dick gingerly removed the tureen
cover and ladled forth n conglomerate
mixture. The dinner was In the soup,
literally and entirely, from oysters to
cheese, while the sirloin roast appeared
ignominiously cut into chunks swim
ming In the midst. A shout went up
from the company, and in a chorus we
gasped:
''Why did You think she could cookf"
"Why," explained Dick. you just
ought to have tasted the ducks she
roasted for us. Hung 'em up by the
necks, you know, and turned them
round and round. George. they melted
In your mouth! They were wonderful.
We drew lots, the fellows and I, to see
who should bring her home with us.
can't understand how she made this
mess.''
''Dick," laughingly interrupted.
'Well. II you had tasted those ducks
you would have said that was enough"
What did we do for dinner? We
phoned for n taxi and beat It to the
nearest good hotel for square meal.
Dick? Well, he hasn't complained
about any of the awful things served
up to us by ladies of various countries
and principallties who have reigned in
our kitchen since the departure of his
rara avis.
Pm afraid you are heartily tired of
the ''eats'' subject, but while on the
warpath doesn't 1t make you tired the
advice one gets from magazine and
newspaper stories on what to eat and
what not to eat?
After conscientiously perusing n
score or two Of these articles you find
that meat heats the blood, clogs the
liver and spoils the complexion; that
fish contains the germ of leprosy and
shellffsh harbors ptomaines; that the
starch tucked away In wheat, rice and
potatoes is the source OF untold Ills and
sugar causes rheumatism and gout,
fruit teens with dysentery, raw vege-
tables are mass of indigestible cellu-
lose and cooked vegetables are only a
degree less so. eggs are not always par
ticularly nourishing and decidedly indi-
gestible and spices are poison pure aud
simple.
You discover In another article per
haps that tea is a fearsome alkaloid.
causing dyspepsia and shattered nerves.
and that coffaa 10 more SO whla.Iniit