davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19

holloaed in.
Why didn't the last dove return to
the ark?
Because she had sufficient ground
for remaining.
When is an author Hike spirit?
When he's at proof.
Why are authors who treat Of physi-
ognomy like soldiers?
Because they write about face
What ia the difference between the
czar and q beggarf
One issues manifestoes: the other
manifests toes without Is shoes.
Why is a child with a cold In fits
head like Q winter night?
Because 1t blows. 1t SHOWS (its
nose).
What's the most difficult thing to
be cooked for Christmas dinner?
A tailor's goose.
80
Why are poets like children's toysf
Because they are given to a muse
and indulge in fancy (infancy).
Why IL an absconding bank cashier
like an air gunf
Because he goes on loaded and
makes no report
When IL q window like starr
When 1t is q skylight.
What part of their infant tuition
have old bachelors and old maids most
profted bys
Learning to so alone.
Why l. I the luckiest OF the vow
elsf
Because 1t Is the center Of bliss.
while u Ii in he'll. and all the others
are In purgatory.
Why does an onion resemble ring
ing bellY
Because peel follows peel In an onion.
and peal follows peal In ringing
bsiK
Why's matrimony like besieged
cttyf
Because chose who are In It wish to
be out. and th0ae who are out wish to
be Ia. -
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
Continues Its Usefulness.

In Ipoh, MALAY peninsula) one Of
the pioneer motor-cars in the country
is now in almost constant use as a
funeral hearse. Hauled by coolies, the
proud old pioneer wends its frequent,
slow, laborious way to the cemetery.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
Its Job.

0ne-half the world spends half its
time trying to find out how the other
half lives. Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
Io Breal. b Ne,x sboes

Always shake in Aliens Foot.E a powder.
u cures hot. sweating, aching, swollen feet.
cures corns, ingrowing nails and bunions Al
al druggists and shoe steres, Csc. Don't ACCEPT
inysubstitute. Sample mailed FREE, Address
Allen S. Olmsted, LIE Roy N. Y
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
Blue And
DISCOURAGED
Mrs. Hamilton Tells How She
Finally Found Health in
Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg.
etable Compound.
Warren. Ind. Fl was bothered ter
ribly with female weakness. Ihad pains

and was not regular
my head ached all
the time, / had bear
ing down pains and
my back hurt me the
biggest part Of the
time, / was dizzy
and had weak feel
ings when / would
stoop over, 1t hurt
me to walk any dis
tance and / felt blue
and DISCOURAGED.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
Candid Statement.

Look upon the fool with patience
we have all been fools in our time, :
Florida Times Union.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
Removing Mildew Stains.

Soaking mildew stains in butter
milk or sour milk will many times re-
move them, but not always. Try a
solution of one heaping teaspoonful of
chloride Of lime to a quart of soft
water; strain when we'll dissolved and
dip the mildewed spots in it until the
stains disappear, then rinse immedi-
ately and thoroughly in clear water.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
All Need Forgiveness.

He that cannot forgive others
breaks the bridge over which he must
himself pass, for every man has need
TO be forgiven. Lord Herbert.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
Mans Preference.

"Men in youth, or age, or middle
age, will sooner kiss pretty mouth
than clever brow any day, or every
day. -" Wilsam," by S. G. Neither
sole.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
N, & NJ. SCHOOL OF TELECRAPHY

6S3-5S6 Chamber of Commerce Building
PORTLAND, OREGON
A school for the teaching of Telegraphy under
the personal supervision of the proprietor. A.
e. Myers. expert telegrapher. Day and night
sessions. TERMS: Courses In easy monthly
installments. enabling you to take up a we'll
paid profession at little cost. Write for full
particulars.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
How It Struck Elsie.

Little Elsie, sitting in q street car
opposite man with twitching eyelids,
whispered to her mother: Mamma,
that poor man has the hiccups in his
ewes. !"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
Appropriately Named.

Mr.. McCorkle was showing some
visitors over the house. Arriving at
the nursery. he remarked, This, gem
tlemen. is the hawl room =
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
His Future Assured.

"Does my boy" inquired the par
ent, "seem to have a natural bent in
any one direction?" eyes, SIR" said
the teacher. "He gives every indica-
tion of being captain of industry
some day. He gets the other boys to
do all his work for him"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19

DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets regu-
late and invigorate stomach, liver and
bowels. Sugar-coated, tiny granules.
Easy to take as candy.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19

Water in bluing is adulteration Glass and wa
ter make liquid blue costly. Buy Red Cross Ball
Blue, makes clothes whittier than snow.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
Happiness Is a Twin.

To have joy one must share it. Hap
piness was born twin. Byron.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19

Don't buy water for bluing. Liquid blue Is al
most all water. Buy Red Gross Ball blue the
blue that Q all blue.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19

Mothers will find Mrs. winslow's Soothing
Syrup the best remedy to use for their children
during the teethtng period.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
RIDDLES.

What is the difference between
tunnel and an ear trumpet?
One is followed out and the other in
holloaed In.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19

Why didn't the last dove return to
the ark?
Because she had sufficient ground
for remaining.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19

When is an author Hike spirit?
When he's at proof.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1913-09-19
DIDN'T HURT A BIT
Is what they all saw !,
Painless
Methods of
Extracting
Teeth.

Out-of-town peo-
ple can have their
plate and bridge
work finished in one
day If necessary.
An absolute guar
antee. backed by %
wears in Portland
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
CURING WITH A. AND M. PICTURE

Will Smith returned today from
touring points in Central Texas with
the A. and NJ. College moving picture
films which he recently made. The pic
lures are eagerly received, and a num-
Der of boys after seeing the attractive
ness of the school activities at the
college, signified their intention Of
coming TO school here.
The influence of the pictures would
be invaluable to the college II it should
be shown throughout Texas, and espe
cially in north and west Texas, where
the school is less well known. The
pictures show drills, sham battles, mill
tary practice, athletics and the vast
ness Of the equipment OF the school,
and impress favorably any manly boy.
Mr.. Smith states that wherever he
goes he finds University literature ad.
vocating the adoption of Resolution IS
scattered broadcast, and that people
seem uniformed on the subject ex.
cept for the numerous pamphlets, cir
culars and show cards distributed by
the University.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
Tnral Nptua
Dixie tonight.

c. L. Tobias was in today from Kur
ten.
Mr.. and Mrs. ]. w. Shepard of Kur.
ten were visitors in the city today
Miss Lillian Craig of Navasota is the
guest OF Miss Helen Demaret.
w. s. Howell, Jr., of San Antonio,
is visiting his father in this city.
DR.. w. F. Proctor returned this aft.
ernoon from Houston and Galveston.
A. ]. Conway of independence spent
the afternoon attending to business in
the city.
Mrs. T. G. Westbrook OF Hearne and
Miss Missy Westbrook of Dallas visit.
ed Mrs. A. l.. Mondrick yesterday.
Mrs. Dona Carnes, Coulter Hopper
and Mrs. Hopes returned from
Hampstead today where they have
been visiting for few days.
Mayor w. w. Harris and Mr.. Wads-
worth OF the Westrumite Paving Co.
left this afternoon for Dallas to make
out the bonds for the paving work.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27

Tale, derived from soapstone found
in various quarters OF the world and
In many states of our Union. is as a
general thing marketed as rough from
the mine. II is sawed into slabs. from
which are manufactured various OBJ.
jects. or It is ground into powder. A
great deal Of the ground tale is en-
ployed in the manufacture Of paper
II also enters into the making Of mold
ed rubber forms and foundry facings
and paints. but the form In which it is
most familiar is the toilet powder. Not
only is talcum busted into gloves and
shoes to obviate friction. but it is also
blown into conduits to ease the intro
duction OF electric wires or other con.
ductors. Soapstone is largely employed
in the manufacture Of laundry tubs
and similar articles. The very best
grades Of taic free from flaws. are saw
ed up to make pencils or crayons. Gas
tips are also made from talc.-Harper's.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
A Sermon on Stones.

Sam Buckalew was a lone policeman
in little town in Tennessee His main
duties were TO look out for trouble In
the negro part Of the town down by the
creek, especially on Saturday nights.
Came one night a general fight In the
bottom. after dance in n cabin. The
engagement, starting inside, grew too
large to be accommodated indoors and
continued outside. Rocks were handy.
and the fracas extended Sam Bucka.
lew heard ii all from a safe distance.
but made no attempt to drive the en-
envy across the Yalu. The justice Of
the peace called Sam to account next
day.
why, looky here, Tom Keel-you
all's honor, | mean" Sam Buckalew
protested. them rocks was fyin' near
as thick as wheat boards. Maybe they
wasn't amin to hit me, but don't you
all know rocks amt got no eyesY'-'
New York Post.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
Inspired Patriotism.

The late Senator Hoar was once In.
portuned to lend his influence In be-
half of a chronic office seeker. II was
not difficult matter to crafty the ap-
plicant's ambition by securing for him
place as consul at a Guianian port,
which was not considered highly de.
sirable Office. The newly appointed Of.
fetal had served but short time. how.
ever. when his wife. unable to with
stand the malignant climate. sickened
and died. Disheartened and discour.
aged. he resigned his post and return
ed home.
Some years later the senator was
mildly surprised at being again ap-
preached by the ex-consul. who asked
for reappointment TO his old berth.
Perhaps can do something for you
said Mr.. Hoar; but, considering your
tragic experience there. your request
seems little strange"
81 know" explained the aspirant. 4
trifie ruefully. but, you see. senator.
I'm married again. Judge.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27

him In the business Mr.. Roger @. Astin
and the style of the firm will be Wilson
& Astin. They expect to open about
August LIST and will occupy the build
ing now occupied by the Hensarlins
Mercantile Co., next to the First State
Bank & Trust Co. Mr.. Wilson an
nCunces his firm will cary a stock that
cannot be surpassed anywhere and will
give their patrons service as near
perfect as it is possible to make it.
Both partners of the new firm are
well known and popular young bust
ness men and will no doubt enjoy
large business from the day of their
opening.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
Quite a Difference,

When the Baroness Burdett-C outts
was Miss Coutts. the great heiress, 1t
was rumored that she was to wed the
Duke OF Wellington. A friend asked
the duke II the rumor was true. and
the duke answered irritably:
Il said Miss Angela Coutts deserved
to be a duchess. l never said that
would make her one"
This observation of the dukes was
repeated to the heiress. She flushed
on hearing it. smiled little bitterly
and remarked:
THE duke should have said could,
not would"
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
WAS sEvENTY.EIeHT TODAY

Mrs. S. F. Harlan, Aunt Polly" as
she is lovingly called by many friends.
celebrated her 18th birthday today at
the quiet old country home of herself
and husband in the Alexander COM
munity. Her nephew, Mr.. Geo. A.
Adams, and Mrs. Adams, went out
from Bryan and spent the day with
this dear old couple who are living
quietly as the shadows lengthen, and
who are spending their last days in
blessed peacefulness.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
CITY COUNCIL MEETING
Continued from Page 81


companies who bid on the job wa
presented to the council
Hon. w. w. Harris, Mayor, Bryan, Tex
Dear Sir: We beg to acknowledg
receipt of the certified check whicl
you returned us. We were rather SUI
prised that the $500 which we pal,
in for specifications was not returned
at the same time, as we understood
that you would have this returned.
However, we presume that this viii
follow shortly. We trust so both fol-
our own satisfaction and for the sake
Of the city OF Bryan, as otherwise such
an irregularity standing against il
would be to say the least, very un
savory, and would receive considerable
publicity as every contractor present
stated that never in their entire ex.
perience had they ever known OF
heard of such thing. We, who have
served as engineers for fourteen
years on similar work, have never
heard OF a similar case.
Trusting that we will receive this
$500 in the near future, and thank
ing you for past favors, we are, yours
truly,
The following letter was presented
to the council:
Hon. Mayor and City Council
In the matter Of gas for Bryan, we
beg to inform you that the gentleman
representing Messrs. Hewitt and Gam
mill in asking for a franchise on gas
made such rambling statement as to
the intentions OF himself and his as.
sociates that we do not think it advis-
able at this time to enter into gen.
eral discussion of the matter, other
than to state that he blundered ex-
ceedingly when he stated that it would
cost the city s250,O0O to install such
plant as was suggested by our Mr..
Jordan T. Lawler.
We will be charitable to the gentle
man who made the statement, and at
tribute his error to his anxiety and
zeal to do favor as explained by him.
self and his associates for the parties
at Shreveport
A gas works can be installed in
Bryan at cost that will be so far I'M
der the amount named by Messrs.
Hewitt and Gammill that We at this
time do not care to make same known.
If the citizens will not support a
gas plant, then we are ready
to install one, but being advocates Of
municipal ownership, we first offer our
services to the city.
Awaiting your decision, and that Of
the citizens of Bryan, we are, yours
truly, H. T. LAWLER.
President of the Bryan Power Co.
No action was taken on the above
communication and the council ad.
journed.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
Fire and Water.

Water will extinguish fire because
the water forms coating over the
fuel, which keeps it from the air, and
the conversion of water into steam
draws of the heat from the burning
fuel A little water makes a fire
hercer, while large quantity Of water
puts 1t out The explanation is that
water is composed Of oxygen and by
drogen. When, therefore. the fire can
decompose the water into Its simple
elements II serves as fuel to the flames.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
KOREAN APRICOT
P|CKERs QUIT FIELD
IBy Associated Press. ]

Helmet, Cal, June 27.-Offcials here
are worried today over the lproba BILE
outcome OF the incident yesterday
when Korean apricot pickers were
driven out by white field laborers.
Mayor Shaw was assured by attorneys
that the city will not be held respons-
ible.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
All Altered,

Gracious. Smith. old boy, how are
you? haven't seen you for ages. You
are altered. I should scarcely know
you again."
Excuse me. sir, my name is not
Smith"
Great Scott! Your name altered as
well Y'-London Answers.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
He Took After Mother.

The star pupil arose at the school en-.
tertainment to declaim his piece.
Lend me your ears" he bawled
Huh" sneered the mother Of the
opposing but defeated pupil, that's Ss-
rah Jane Doran's boy. He wouldn't be
his mothers son If he didn't want to
borrow thlnR"-ExchanRa
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
NEW GROCERY FIRM.

Mr. W. Wilson, Jr., has moved
back to Bryan from Hearne with his
family and announces that he will en-
gage in the grocery business in this
city. He will have associated with
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
Cynical.

rhe old fashioned woman who used
to get up at 8 a. m. to celebrate wash
day now has daughter who has an
awful time getting the stuff together
in time to give it to the laundry driver
when he calls at 2 p. m.-Cincinnau
Enquirer.
Bryan daily eagle and pilot. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1909-1918, 1913-06-27
JARplNIERE STAND LOST.

Someone took from opera house a
red jardiniere stand through mistake
this morning. Please return to Eagle
office or phone Sc.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-06-21
EAST DOVER.
Mrs. Clark L. Brown.

Lucy 4. Brown, widow of Clark +.
Brown, died Sunday afternoon, june
Is, after long and painful illness
caused by cancer She had been iu
failing health several years ana had
been confined 80 her bed most Of tho
time since April last, suffering intense
~ at times.
She was born iu Marlboro Sept IS
1852, ON the farm where she died. and
WAS the daughter ri Sylvester aud
Caroline lWilIiams5 Wordcn With the
exception OF few years She spent
nearly am her life on the farm where
She died.
Size was married june Pr. 1852. to
Clark Goodcn Of Marlboro. who died
the following year March % 1895.
I She was married rs Clark T. Brown of
South Ncwfaue who died Jan. /. 1912
/ June $. 1910, Mr.. aud Mrs. Brown
moved to this village where they lived
until Mr. Brown Is death As her health
would not permit her TO live alone she
moved back with her -tepson, Pear
T Brown. who with his wife. teulerly
cared for her. Mrs. Brown was an
estimabic woman. admired and respect
eel boy her ueighbors aud friends, al
ways ready and willing TO help others
I'm time of need just SO long as hel
health would permit. She viii be
/ greatly missed hy her many friends
She leaves no near relatives e2eep
lone nephew, 81. H. Cheney Of Soutl
/ Nowfauc. and one neiep, Mrs. !. "
Williams of WilliamSvilic.
The funeral was lgrgev attended "a
her late home Tuesday afternoon, Res
I T.. W Russell officiating. There wcr
many beautiful flowers. The buria
was In South NeWfaue.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-06-21
WOODPECKERS PLUMB CRAZY
Laid In a Stock of Pebbles as a Food
Supply.

Laid In a Stock of Pebbles as a Food
Supply.
The woodpeckers of Sonoma county,
Cal, are suffering from a mild sort of
insanity, according to an erudite docu-
ment issued by the Museum of Verte,
brate Zoology of the University of
California. The document says
1.-THE reason why California wood
peckers in the vicinity Of Sonoma
mountain should have stored pebbles
instead of the customary acorns IS a
mystery.
I'VE know that instinct works as au-
tomatically as an alarm clock. In the
failure of an acorn crop it would seem
| possible that the woodpecker might in
stinctively have stored some other
available kind of food, but to have
chosen stones instead of some sort of
food carries the analogy too far.
1T seems as though any bird with
the intelligence of the California
woodpecker which would make the
same mistake ought to be classed as
| insane
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-06-21

Aieyanlcr Ferguson bought new
recently.
Vaughan Prince 81 Easthamptou y
visiting his father. Nathaniel Prince.
Miss BERRY of Concord has been
guest III T. +. Fields the past week.
W r TAYLOR returned from 81 al
bans Vt, Tuesday after a. absence 90
several months
W q. Smith has gone With Z party
Of coal dealers 10 visit the coal mines
in Pennsylvania.
Mr. anil Mrs. S. H. Richards and
daughter of Easfhampt0n are visiting
at , ~ lamb.
O. WI Lewis and q. +. Policy ~.
tended company reunion of OH sol.
Iier- in Kcene Tuesday.
Mrs e. A. Gray and daughter. jean
have gone CD Lewiston. Mc-, to visit
Rev. ana Mrs II H Temple.
Lester CFamcr of Ciaremont speu'
several DAYS in town with his sister
Miss Mildred Cramer last week.
Rcv. a. n. Hn has rendered an iu
yitation 20 Golden Rule lodge ~ Ma
sons 10 attend services in the C0nZrc
Eati0ual church sunday morning. Jun'
%. iu Observance Of 81. john day
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-06-21

of the examination it is expected that
certihcation will be made for filling
the position of carrier on a rural route
from Newfane
At the regular meeting of the Grange
next Wednesday evening children'- night
viii he observed All children In town
are invited, whether their parents are
members or not. 1ho p1a4tam 'Il, Doe
in charge of the nISges, Mrs i.era De
Witt Refrcshment committee. Mr.. ana
Mrs A. IT, Fanum. Miss Ruth Famum,
Miss Maude and Guy Roadway, Miss Win
nifred Alaher and Charles Rice.
The Christian Endeavor society held a
box social in the church iarlors Nedues-
day evening. Mrs Carter and Miss Emma
MouIton were the committee in charge.
A pleasing feature OF the occasion was a
/ historical Bible game fog which a prize
was offered. The result was that three
young men were equally successful iu
guessing. O. r. Wright was auctionoer.
An the boxes contributed by the Young
women were sold for good prices Ice
cream and sherhet We're sold and IA good
sum was realized.
Newfane Congregational church.
Morning worship at II. Sermon 10y
j Rev. Arthur Bailey Of South Hadley,
/ Mass. sunday school at 1915. Evening
service at 80. Rev. Mr. Bailey. for
merlv pastor of First Congregational
! church at Koene, \. H., and now gem
i craI secretary of the Congregational
| Sunday School & Publishing Society
: for Northern New England. Will hold
a conference with tine teachers and
scholars during the Sunday school hour
I C. Il. Tuesday evening, topic, Mission
airy Tours. Leader, Mrs Dewitt
4 Prayer meeting Thursday evening
\ large audience greeted the vii
Evansville MINISTRIES in their entertain
meut in Union hall June u. The Choir
us consisted OF - voices The end mcI
were John Lewis and VIII Howe. II
4. Williams was iuterlocutor, Mrs. "
T. Wheeler pianist. G. M. Dugan VIC
linist. The following program was rem
dered: Opening chorus; selections 10y
Perley Richmond, Miss Kirby, Mr.. an,
Mrs. Fisher Mrs. Win White, Florenc,
LLazclle, D. r. Stedman, Mrs. Rub,
Morse and VIII Howe, q dance %,
! Howard Thayer and monologues d!
Mrs Jennie Morse and Grin Bolster
Refreshments were served by the View
fame Grange and dancing was enjoye
Z until an early hour.