The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-10-04

~ >~6
Laugh With Us
IAttae stories That Have
lSade Many Smiles.
k>~O
A man returned home late one night
after having partaken rather freely
OF the cup that cheers" All might
have been we'll had not one tree in
tercepted him and his destination
one solitary tree at the foot of his
own steps; but Mr.. Brown suddenly
came into such forcible contact with
that tree that he was almost stunned.
After recovering his senses. he van
dered about. but repeatedly bumped
into the same inoffensive barrier. At
length he sank down on the ground
and muttered helplessly:
Lost! Lost! in an impenetrablc
forest!'
There is an old negro down in my
town" said John Sharp. Williams.
who did me a service. I wanted to
reward him. so ! said:
Uncle. which shall l give you
a ton of coal or a bottle of whis-
key"
70 de .Lo'd. Mas.a john he re-
piled, .you-all shorely knows 1 buhn
1t was a busy day in the butcher
shop. The butcher yelled to the boy
who helped him out in the shop:
Hurry up. John. and don't forget to
cut of Mrs. Murphy's leg and break
Nrc 1NrAcs h~nAr A~l l>-sA R.-.k L.
slice Mrs. Johnson's tongue"
Blanche. Wilbur n Thomas were
in the garden playing and making a
great deal of noise. but small Jack sat
in a corner very quietly. which was
an unusual proceeding. After watch
ing them for some time. the mothers
curiosity prompted her to ask:
What are YOU PLAYING"
We are playing house" answered
Wilbur. Blanche and 1 are the
mother and father. and Thomas is
the child"
And what does Jack do?"
"Sh. sh! he isn't born yet"
exclaimed Mrs. Lexington, spreading
out the Billeville Mirror in her ample
lap. The Nellie E.. Williams Of Glou-
cester reports that she saw two
whales a COW. and a calf, floating off
Cape Cod the day before yesterday
Well. ma" replied old Mr.. Lem
ington. what's the matter with that
whales. Joshua. but what bothers me
Is how the COW and the calf got way
out there"
A lady once showed her little girl a
beautiful new silk dress which had
just arrived from the dressmaker.
n by way Of improving the occasion
vas given US by. a poor worm" The
little girl looked puzzled for a min
ute or two and then said: do you
mea dad. mama?"
Irving Bachelor. the author, vent
a little farther north than usual, one
summer while on his vacation. and
a good many fsh, but this did not pre-
vent his keeping an on the nstivea.
He was particularly impressed by the
men who spent the day. lounxinr
about the village stores.
What do you fellows do when you
sit around the store like this? :" he
asked OF the crowd arranged in a
and maintaining A profound silence.
Well" drawled one Of the oldest.
sometimes We set and think, and
then again other times We jest set"
me day a fussy fellow met
Father Hea1y of Dublin by the sea-
shore and thus acccsted him: Father
lake a tmmbler Of sea water three
allowance today. but do YOU think !
might have one. just one, tumblcr
more?"
Father Healy put his head on one
side and looked at the ocean. lost in
thought. Well" he said. at last,
think it would BE- missed" 'oA I
An Irish witness wa. being ex.
amtned as to his knowledge Of a
shooting affair.
Did . see the shot fred" the
magistrate asked.
No. sir: ] only heard it,"
That evidence is not s~atisfactory,''
down."
Tho witness proceeded to leave the
box, and directly his back was turn
ed he laughed derisively.
The MAGISTRATE. indignant at this
dared to laugh in the court.
Die you see me laugh, your
honor?"
NO. sir. but heard YOU"
That evidence is not satisfactory
said the witness. with a twinkle in hia
eye.
At this everybody laughed. except
the magistrate.
1t was a banquet where a notable
gathering Of politicians had Assem-
bled. A certain asiring young at
torney was among the number, and a.
he spied an influential JUDI, at the
far end Of the parlor. he called the
head waiter, slipped half q dollar into
his hand and whispered. put me
next to JUDGE Sphinx at the table" :
Upon being seated. however. he
found ne was at the other end Of the
room from the Judge.
He called the head waiter to ex-
plain.
Well, sir" replied the omcial,
.f,ct z that the judge gave me .
dollar to put o Is far from him a
possible