New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-09-18
AS | WAS SAYING

We love our country, and are ready to make sac
rfces so will publish the new Bryan scdhua''
though il is indeed Cumbersome.
No mere twitter about his contoruonls's anu
trained sea lions this time. Thanks to his sivery
and adroit argument. perceive now ulsh"eu t'ie'
are Better yet we appreciate his patriotic eager
ness TO desert the Department OF State whenever
J duty calls But-but-
| How does he occupy himself while there? An
! brethren that is the scandal Do not imagine thaI
oratory spouts from his lips like settler from
sphon. These gushes require preparation. Whch
solemn and awful fact brings US face to race WIN
! the scandal
You read his latest little sermon of course so you
recall his words: we find an unfinished work when
we arrive we leave an unfinished work when we
are called hence" Where ask, could those words
have been written if not at his desk in Washington
To what can they refer If not to official business?
Caught! Doesn't he find an unfinished work
whenever his stop-oyer ticket let's him of in wash
ington? Doesn't he leave unfinished work when
ever he is called thence? Beloved. the time has
passed for joking Think Of Secretary Of state
scribbIng scribbIng while Ambassador Chnda
whimpers outside and is told by the Office boy that
the parson is at his and cannot be disturbed
out with your handkercheis. Join as in long and
passionate boo-hoo
The revolving prevalence OF bachelors has reused
the thinkers TO great activity and they are coming
forward with eXplanatons-not singly as you might
suppose but one by one For instance. Or. Eliza
r. Ransom who thinks apartment houses breed
bachelors. Cramped and crowded. these rookeries
afford inadequate territory for fine, big. rousing
courtship.
Personally. however. attribute the pestence
Of bachelors TO automobiles Say what you like the
modern sparkling plug is simply not In It with the
7 t4F s1a ff,sr all
How can these things be? We have just read
wonderful piece entitled "Housework Cure for
Nerves and then, in the very same paper. encoun-
tered the sud- sad story OF Concert ester Gregor
skolnk, whose wife made him cook. and who has
been to court about 1t in Chicago
We hate to cavil. but it does seem that Gregor's
nerves need curing yet, as he reports himself an
awfully uncomfortable man. We learn that "as a
result skonik said he had fallen of in weight from
l.7jj pounds to l3O'
Here we pause TO relate what the guillotine artist
said to a client: Come along! 1t won't cost much.
In fact promise you little reduction"
1t was d nervous way Of reducing we have al
ways thought, yet trivial reduction compared to
Brother skolniks descent from l,755 pounds to
100" And consider how nervous the poor Concert
Meister must be about the future Awful!
With half eye he can see himself swooped
down upon by ten thousand frenzed women AT once
What reduction! What bargain!
We understand from his publisher that one James
]. Foley is the Poet Laureate Of North Dakota"
and shall not rest till New York is similarly sup
piled Gentlemen, nominate the Sweet Singer Of
Broadway, Mr. George NJ. Cohan.
The Chambers Encyclopedia Of Improprletes has
added another volume. Title: The Business Of
Life" Very helpful. hear. AS usual, Robert
sounds "a warning against low moral standards"
We wish him well. and trust that others will begin
warning Especially the stage!
How timely the republication of the American
engineers remarks to Rudyard Kipling: Some
times we guess ourselves into the station and some
times guess ourselves into hell"
Rough talk. however and lacking in cheerfulness.
We prefer the epgram that sums up engineers
problem in the sunny verbage Puzzle Find the
railroad"
Come along, Mrs. Pankhurst! Or. Crippen did.
And speaking OF these international difficulties
hear that the Prince Of Monaco is intending To
return by way Of Canada Hero! And yet would
not discretion suggest preliminary correspondence
with some experienced traveller? For instance, Mr.
Jerome.
They tell us that brevity is the soul Of wit. and
we have expended nearly six months in abbrevi-
ating our happest paragraph. After many discour-
agements we have reduced ii 10 a single glowing
word. Hurdle the intervening asterisks, brethren
and behold our masterpiece!
FINIs!M II. L. II.