The Lamar register., 1913-10-01
TROUBLES OF HOSTESS
sy ELIZABETH CUNNINGHAM.

"Oh, good morning." said the dis
tracted looking woman VINO was sit
ting before a mahogany writing desk
heaped with torn note paper and 9th
or evidences Of mental confusion.
mo, I'm not busy-at least, 1t will
do me good to get a brief rest. say
brief, because I've got to get back to
my work and finish 1t today so that
/ can send out the invitations. Why.
I'm giving q dinner party! Those
torn up things are the party. I'm go
ing to have a dozen people at time
and pay OF my social debts, and
know 1t sounds perfectly simple until
you begin to consider the &C nplica'
lions. I have the most intense fellow
sympathy now for the man who makes
out the grand opera schedule-he
must have a mighty brain to get his
operas 80 shuffled that there aren't
any duplicates, and everybody is sat
isfied. II he can do that with lot
Of muscle and nervous tenors and so
pranos 1t seems to me that l should
be able to accomplish the same re-
suits with a batch of perfectly ordi-
nary persons without artistic tempera-
ments to hamper them.
'T got my first list of dozen made
out in short order and then began to
consider It. What do you suppose !
had donef Why. had asked the Ben
nings and the Simpsons, wher every
body knows that the women of those
two families turn purple at sight Of
each other and refuse to speak. I've
forgotten the original row. but know
Mrs. Benning would be quite capable
of getting up from the table and walk
ing away II she found Mrs. Simpson
across from her and she would believe
that I had done it on purpose and
would hate me ever after. So / shift.
ed the Simpsons to my second dozen.
Then after staring some time at Mr.
Darwin's name because 1t reminded
me Of something. i remembered what
II was his name reminded me of, and
cold chills shot over me. Mr.. Darwin
IL the man who accused Mr.. Benning
Of bribery six years ago and. though
Mr.. Benning proved his innocence. 1t
still would be ruinous to his digestion
II Mr.. Darwin should sit at the same
table. So hastily put Mr.. Darwin on
the second list.
THAT is to say. got his name half
written before l recalled that his de-
ceased wife was a cousin OF Mrs.
Simpsons and had been willed all the
family money that Mrs. Simpson had
counted on getting. and now that Oar
win has inherited his wife's fortune
otv,t~a~- fv,ot eft
next q ella monster as next to Mr.
Darwin. He went on the third list.
II was Just congratulating myself
that the pretty Lake girl would lend
beauty to the affair when remem-
bered that she had been engaged to
the son OF the Philpotts and that Mrs.
Philpotts' meddling had broken of
the engagement, and didn't want the
Lake girl smiling and Mrs. Philpotts
glaring all evening. so I shifted the
Lake girl to list No. 2. Then I recalled
to Mr.. Darwin at a recent card party,
30 l moved her on list No. 8.
by this time had settled down to
work in earnest. l crossed on the
Joneses because Mr.. Jones is a fright
when he gets started talking politics,
and I simply won't have a dinner
spoiled by the men all saving the air
and not noticing what triumphs my
cook has achieved. You could feed a
man sawdust in tomato sauce when
he is talking politics and he'd never
know the difference. substituted the
Cranes and the Garlands. and every
human being knows that Mr.. Garland
once knocked Mr.. Crane down in a
row over golf game, and now II
either of them walks down the street
where the other lives the latter sends
out a servant to sprinkle the walk
with formaldehyde and chloride Of
lime. So I moved on the Garlands
and wrote down the Browns"
my goodness" exclaimed the caller
In horror. Didn't you know"
YES" YEARLY admitted the woman
at the desk. "Of course, did. But
my mind was growing confused. l
suppose no one past eighteen is likely
to forget that Mrs. Crane said her
cook, who had once worked for the
Browns, said that the Browns were
SO stingy they never had anything to
eat unless they had company and she
left because she was slowly starving
to death. 1 was there when Mrs.
Brown told Mrs. Crane what she
thought of her.
THE Boldens seemed harmless until