The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-07-24
ABatch of Smiles

Y local preacher once drove in a
Gao 10 the village church to preach.
Upon his arrival he was somewha
disconnected to find that the e
cation only consisted of one man. Re-
memoering. however. that a we'll
Known minister had on one accession
preached to one mar and converted
him. he decided to give him the bene-
fit of his discourse.
AZ the close of a long sermon he
shook hands with his congregation
n asked him if the sermon was TOO
long.
oh, it makes no difference TO me-"
was the reply. II am our cabman."
Harry Lauder told an amusing story
the other day of W. Glasgow women
Who met in the street and began to
discuss the domestic affairs of a new
" married couple.
Aye. Mrs. McTavish.' said one. so
Jeannie's got mairriet.."
she has that, Mrs. McAlpine," re-
piled the other.
An how's she getfin' on ?" the frs,
woman wanted to know.
oh, no sac mad at a." was the re-
ply. There's only one thing the mat
ter. She thinks she could have got
a better man. But then. there's aye
something"
We'll. Bildad." said Jimpsonberry.
Il suppose. now that you are living
on. in the country. you have a car"
Yes" said Bildad. That is. nv
n%eighhors and I have one together"
Really said Jimrsonherry.
"Co-operative arrangement. Ell?
NOT a bad idea. VIVA, make is i,?"
Ion, just plain troiley."-Judge.
On moving into a new neighhorhood
the small boy Of the family was eau
auaintances. One day Tommy came
home With a black Y and badly be-
battered with mud.
Why. Tommy" said his mother.
didn't I tell YOU not TO fight until
you had counted one %hundred?"
"ies'm." smiled Tommy: and look
what Willie Smith did while I was
counting"-The Ladies' Home Jour
nal.
is this Mrs. Smith, I called you
up 10 ask if YOU could say anything
good of Bridget Farley, who lived
with You as cook"
Yes. l can say II thing. She left
without breaking any dishes"
That's encouraging. How long
did she stay?"
~ ii'NAi. e - SShlN.
a tall, gaunt looking man entered
a hotel in Willimantic not long ago
and applied for a room. The price he
was willing 10 pay entitled him to
lodging on the top floor OF the house.
Among mis- belongings the proprietor
noticed a coil Of rope. Upon being
replied:
That's a fre-escaoe aIysys csr-
~ it with me, and in case Of fire I let
myself down from the window"
Yes" replied the landlord. strok-
ing his chin reflectively. seems like a
pretty good idea: but guests with fire
escapes pay in advance at this hotel"
.-Everybody's Magazine.
One day. after listening to a story
particularly offensive with age. Lin
coln Mcconnell. the Georgia evangel-
list. told this:
An old darkey went into a store
down in Georgia n asked.
Say. boss, o got any gunpow-
dab heah?"
Yes. We have gunpowder."
"Lemme see ONE of that theah gun
powdah.'
The dealer showing him some.
Pour a little of that powdah in my
hand"
The old darkey tool the powder
near the light. al his forein4er
around and around it, looked at 1t
critically, n then smelled 1t two or
three times.
And you say this heah is powdah?"
Yes" answered the dealer sharp
ly: that is powder. What is the mat
ter with it?''
Dunno, boss'-the darkey shook
his head doubtfully-"hut hit smells
IN vNa.1yL~ SAS 49,
foah?"