davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER.

The London Spectator works out the situation
something like this:
England has a defensive and offensive alliance
with Japan. Public opinion in Great Britain would
never tolerate that countrys taking up arms against
the United States in aid of Japan. Therefore, the
United States owes it to civilization not to do any
thing to bring about such contingency.
What with our obligation to Japan to make Cali
fornia behave herself and then obligation to turn
about and back up California after she has refused
to do so, have we not enough perplexities already
that to them should be added the moral responsibility
for any clash between public sentiment in England
and the foreign policy of her statesmen?
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
'4>>-----~-~~.~~-...----..
Conquests of Constance
By Alma woodward

I the Get thee hence an also beat It
line wouldn't be worth rememberin'.
An him. What d'yuh thing his come
back wuz? He burst into weeps an {.
leadin' his amethyst-headed cane gent
ly by tn hand. he turned round an
said he wuz goin' to spend tn day ridin'
| on tn trains what go through Pater-
son SO tn strtkers'd blow him up! Amt
Don't it beat all what fierce lemons
the males ts?' she asked sadly But
I should pity others! I've sure reaped
a fine crop NV that orchard myself
i amt told yuh bout tn automobile blum
yet He wuz the pippin. That feiler
fooled me fer six months, an that's
Roin' some-because I got a suspicious
nature naturally. When I first met him
he wuz goin' to buy big six, S.Oo
car. Then he come down to a four.
die. Durin' that time he lugsed me-
round to every automobile place In N
city an talked tn salesmen deaf.
dumb an dippy--then he'd grab q ton
ux catalogues an say. Ta-ta-
s.Well, after a time i got kind NV
peeved. I'd admire a car an pick out
a color I wuz JUS crazy apout-a sweet
heliotrope. or a lemon yeller-and then
he'd say:
~ guess We won't decide Just yet
we'll look around a little bit more.
But he KEEP on tn subject SO steady
/ felt sure he wuZ goin to make good.
until one day when he wuz out with
one wv the statesmen TRYIN' car.
On the way back I sez to him:
Don't yuh think yuh ought to treat
tn young man to drink? He's been
very nicei
"An' he sez:
Gee, what d'yuh think ana mil
lionaire? gotta pay two fares goin'
home. amt I? I amt squanderin' II.
yknowr
so then I wuz hep to that squash.
An / seq to tn salesman: I'll get In
front with yuh. JUS to see how yuh
run tn thing
AN then I give him tn high sign
that that gink in tn back seat wu1n't
goin' to buy no automobile never. an
that he should stop at cigar store
SOS he could get light. an then for
get he wuz in tn store.
AN, after he'd lamped me good. hs
done II. An lots Nv times when Tn
out with him in sample cars I see that
other guy-the spendless spendthrift-
comm out Nv places with a girl on
his arm an bunch of catalogues In
his fst!''
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
A GREAT YEAR FOR WHEAT.

: Don't forget this years wheat crop in figuring
on national prosperity. Just about the time the
tariff bill is passed it will come along and it will be
bumper"
The May report of the Department of Agricul-
ture indicates yield of $4,000 900 bushels of win
ter wheat This is % per cent more than last year
and 10 per cent more than the year before.
The farmer can chuckle; the manufacturer and
the business man can chuckle. Everybody can be
glad, for the benefits of big wheat crop REACH in
some way or other, almost everywhere.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
MICHIGAN SUGAR AND THE TARIFF.

The Detroit News, which is not free trade but
protection newspaper, and which knows its Michi.
gan by heart, is airing things about the beet
sugar industry in that State that are highly interest
ing 1t will be recalled that the American Sugar Re-
fning Company at one time was heavy owner in
the Michigan Sugar Company. Four years ago,
when the sugar schedule was before Congress, that
statement was specifically Denied but later when the
Federal Department of Justice commandeered the
books Of the trust it proved the statement true Since
then it has been alleged that the trust had entirely
disposed of its beet sugar holdings in Michigan and
elsewhere Whether morganaic relationship still
exists is not positively known.
The News alleges that the Michigan company
was so profitable that in four years it capitalized an
investment of S5OO0OOO at Sl2 250OO0O; that it ac-
cumulated in its first four years surplus of S. OOO
600 besides paying ST. 100000 dividends; that it sold
stock for over Sill 100000 and entered an item of
Ss,0o0,Oo0 in its assets for good will" These state
ments taken from the testimony of the company
president before the sugar investigation.
The sugar company buys beets in Michigan and
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
COLONEL ROOSEVELT AND THE BOOZE.

The Michigan editor who is being sued for libel
by Colonel Roosevelt was himself really the victim oi
conspiracy. If that conspiracy could be traced to
its real sources and the people the top of it could
be held to answer for the systematic, nationwide
organized campaign of slander that was waged
against Colonel Roosevelt's private character and
habits during 1912, it would be worth great deal
more to the cause of decency than the prosecution OF
an obscure country editor.
Beginning with the primary campaign and run.
ming down to the day of election the story that Roose
welt was addicted to the excessive of liquors was
circulated diligently and universally. The story
cropped up everywhere. 1t had all the earmarks Of
being the product of conspiracy of insidious defam-
ation 1t could never be traced to any responsible
source; yet during the campaign the conspiracy be-
came so bold that anonymous stories, making the
charge, were mailed about the country in plain en-
velopes.
Down at the bottom that story was invented and
the organized circulation of it promoted by peo-
pie who knew it was lie. Nobody high enough up in
politics to be interested in the organization of such
crusade of vifcaton could possibly have been mis-
informed about the facts. Everybody in Washington,
in Albany, in New York, in the various places where
Colonel Roosevelt had been for many years in the
public eye and under private observation, could have
failed to know that of the marvels about the man
was his abstemiousness about liquors. He has no
particular prejudices the subject Of either liquor
of tobacco 1t merely happened that he didn't care
for them, had no interest in cutvating q taste for
them, and didn't. The conspiracy to make millions Of
people believe he was a drunkard was one Of the
wckedest plots ever injected into political or any
other campaign ......
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
BLEAsE HOLDING UP HIS AVERAGE.

1t must be hard for even the most accomplished
specialist to maintain record of 100 per cent asnin-
iy in his utterances and actions on public questions,
especially when he is public man, under constant
observation, and LIABLE like all humanity, to let his
foot slip. But Governor Blease, of South Carolina,
seems equal to the terrific test
He has now issued warning to the Confederate
veterans of South Carolina not to attend the forth
coming Gettysburg reunion. He says he has reason
believe that few distinguished folks will get all
the consideration and the rank and file will get
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
What s on tie Program ii
Warrington Today

The following Masonic organizations
will meet tonight: Lodges-Dawson,
No. 16, NJ. NJ; Stansbury. No. a, z. A.
Royal Arch Chapter-Mt. Vernon. No.
g. r. A. Eastern Star-Board Of d.
rectors. Masonic and Eastern Star
Home business; Temple Lodge. No. I3:
Columbia Lodge. No. 10. Miscellan-
eous-Kappipolis Grotto, Yelled Proph-
cts, ceremonial session.
The following !. o. o. F. organizations
will meet tonight: Lodges-Union. No.
IL: Beacon. No. Is: Covenant, No. I3:
Langdcn. No. 26. Rebekah degree
Esther Lodge. No. 5, social session
The following X, of P. lodges win meet
tonight: Equal. No. II; Calahths, No.
IL; Decatur, No 9.
The following National Union councils
will meet tonight: Scott and North
east Washington.
Concert by the United States Soldiers
Home Band. bandstand, Soldiers
Home, to so p m.
Concert by the United States Marine
Band, Marine Barracks. 4:S0 p. m
Incorporation of the Retail Merchants
Association, rooms Of the Chamber Of
Commerce, at O'Clock.
Flag Day exercises at the National
Cathedral School. at $50 O'Clock
Dance by the Crescents. at the Chevy
Chase Lake. evening.
Weekly meeting of the Central Labor
Union. Typographical Temple, 423-4e5
G. street. at O'Clock.
An address will be given by DR.. WILL
lam NJ Davidson on How to Measure
the Efficiency of Teachers" in the
assembly hall OF the Charles Sumner
School 4 o'clock.
The last events of the spring meet of
the Washington Riding and Hunt Club
at Benning. afternoon.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
FUTILITY'S sUPERLAnvE.

Apropos of Governor Suffers campaign in New
York to force the legislature to pass primary law
the constitutional opponents of progress are buster
than usual trying to show that primary law is the
essence of all undesirabiy in public policy. Among
ether things, some of them are pleading with the
great Empire State" to take firm stand against
such populistic and demagogc extremes" and to
stick tight for safe and tried methods Of representa-
tive government"
Yes indeedi There probably are lot of people in
New York who honestly believe it could put real
damper on the progressive movement by killing q
primary law. To read and listen to their solemn pro-
nouncements is to wonder whether, apparently in.
telligent and somewhat informed, they have been
able to recognize any of the lessons of history and OF
experience.
William Barnes is the foremost opponent of
primaries. His greatgrandfather, Thurlow Weed, as
somebody discovered and unfeelingly exploited the
other day, was just as uncompromising an opponent
of manhood suffrage in New York Thuriow like Will
lam predicted that the innovation would break down
our constitutional system and turn the Government
over to the mob. In his very old age, Weed admit
ted that he had been entirely wrong. He made no
apologies or evasions. He had merely been entirely
wrong.
And that is all that's the matter with Barnes and
the rest of the aarmists who think they see pre-
tend that they think they see, menace in the pri-
ary. About the most futile enterprise in which in
tellgent people could we'll engage nowadays is that
Of heading off the democratization Of this Govern
nent. The people, and nobody else, arc going to get
and exercise the power; and the fatuous folk who
get in their way will be brushed aside and forgotten.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
The Whole Truth.

~ ATHER was on the warpath and
l. when, at last he came across
Willie in an odd corner OF the
garden the engagement COM
menced
willie" demanded Mr.. Smith. have
you eaten any of those large dessert
pears / left in the Cupboard"
Pa" replied the young hopeful. II
cannot tell a lie. l have not touched
one
William senior eyed William junior
wrathfully.
Then how Is it," asked the parent.
that l found these three cores in your
bedroom and there is only one pear in
the cupboard?'
Father" said Willie. with an eve on
the garden gate-'father that's the one
] didn't touch.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
Quite So.

Two members of the Princeton faculty
during a recent hurried trip to New
York were on a Broadway car when II
was stopped by blockade. As tnec
were near their destination. they de-
cided To get cut and walk. The block
ade, however. was soon lifted. and the
car overlook them.
when We left the car" said one Of
the professors, who. by the way. has a
bit OF the Celt in him, II thought We
shorld get on better by getting or. Eut.
after all, We should have been better OF
IL we had stAyed on."-ExchanHa
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
The Man on the Road
8y Il +. Raktda.

counted for. So took the list and
every day or so stuck in the item 'Ex-
cess baggage. 81
The canny Scotchman looked the list
over carefully when / gave II to him.
Then he stTokei his beard and studied
IL some more.
ION the next trip said he at last,
buy your samples in each town and
throw them away when you're through
there. 1t would be cheaper, laddie
Your excess baggage. costs too nucn" 1"
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
DAYToN,s NEW GOVERNMENT PLAN.

Dayton begins to see some advantages about hav-
ing flood come along and shake up a town. Some
of the literature that its busy board of trade is send
ing out suggests almost the conviction that great
thing has happened for Dayton.
1t has, too and the flood caused it. The flood
swept away the bogus old municipal government
system, and has brought in its place q new develop
ment of the commission plan. On May 20 the town
voted overwhelmingly to pitch out the old plan of
petty politics, ward divisions, grating contracts, and
personal pull, and install the new scheme.
Under this plan the people will elect FIVE commits
soners; the one receiving the highest vote to be
mayor. These commissioners will elect a general
manager for the city. Like the German cities, Day.
ton will 60 after the best man in sight, no matter
where he is. If Tombstone, Kalamazoo or Saskatche-
wan has the particular man who seems best to fit
Daytons needs the commission is authorized to rope
tie and import him. He will be the boss exactly as
John H. Patterson is boss Of his big factory in Day.
ton. He will owe no political debts, have enemies
to punish, nobody to fear, and just one thing to do:
to make good on the job.
Under the city general manager will be an ap-
pointed city solicitor appointed like the general
ager because he is the best man for the job and for
that reason only. The city solicitor will be sort of
permanent Lexowing commission with power at his
pleasure to investigate any department of the city.
There will be civil service commission, to apply the
strictest merit rules in selecting employees and
finally general administrative business will be d.
vided into four departments finance public safety,
utilities, and city property.
This is a modification of the Des Moines plan
not entirely new for it is very similar to the scheme
which has been operated successfully at Staunton,
Va, for some years. and we believe at some other
minor cities in the South But Dayton is the largest
city to try the plan as indeed, it is one of the largest
to undertake the commission government project.
charter commission has been set at work draft
ing new and strictly modern fundamental instru-
ment for the government. The commission has
started to find out first what it wants to do, and to
this end has posted off to that great American head
quarters of progressive inspiration and knowledge,
the University Of Wisconsin.
Dayton expects to be bigger, better, and more
city than ever, result Of its expert
ence 1t probably will. No town is so good that it
doesn't need shaking up now and then. Philadel-
pha gets one by way of Mayor Blankenburg's lee
lures, and Dayton gets one by dint of terrific dis
aster; but both towns will bet some benefits, even if
the experience is painful.
1t certainly would be great thing if the Ameri-
can cities could be induced, by something less than
an earthquake or a deluge to wake up to these prob
lens that confront them. .-.-'..-.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
Already or Already Yet?
(From the "Herald")

CHICAGO, May 25.-Theodore Roose-
welt shot away at sunset for the
northland. accompanied by two carloads
Of character witnesses already for the
$4,000 libel suit
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

"Considering how they're carrying on
this year." writes W. l.. "rd suggest
you call the Cleveland team the Scrap
landers."
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

And, in recognition Of the Athletics
sterling backstop. why not label the
Elephants the Lapplanders?
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

Aside from which giittering item. we
potshot but two poipts Of interest: The
commercial traveller (slang for travelling
salesman) who calls the porter George
always wears white socks. and all the
magazines carried by the train-boy arc
'.just out today"
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

[ MA ' Esl<I.NI on the road used
to be simply a matter of
drawing a couple of hundred
dollars. packing a trunk with
samples and beginning a series OF
friendly visits along the line" began
the retired felt salesman. when the
two or three hundred was spent /; was
proper to send in for more money. Now
the houses all want an itemized ex-
pense account. Formerly the request
for more money was all that was re-
ouired. When the attitude Of the firms
began to change toward the expense
account was working for an old
Scotchman. He had thick. neavy
beard that saved neckties.
His eyes were shaded by dark bushv
brows that enabled him to see dirne
as far as the peppers of Lick Ohser,,,e
tory could spot one. When I Wen, aua,,
he gave me an expense lis; hut y,
course I didn't fill II in. When cot
hack had all sorts Of trouble w,tL =,
After doing the best could to NJ
count for the amount spent, I was still
shy twenty dollars that had 10 be sc.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
Undoubtlessly.

G. g. K: That chiropodist- housing
Corn Exchange Bank building. I pre-
sumo. stands on a corner.
FRUMENrUM.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
Well Did II Stop7

g. 9. K: I've discovered the limit!
A man-a MAN. mind you-pushed the
button for a street car to stop at
UNION STATIoNi
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
THIS&,THAT
WitA SoN,kfss,es . LINK sft4< ofAl,
TRIOLEr.

(Ouch!-Ed)
contrive to get the column done,
And let who will be clever;
With gag and wheeze and quip and pun
Contrive to get the column done.
I only have to do this one,
But you 60 on forever.
Contrive to get the column done,
And let who will be clever.
R. s. ". p.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

Then. too. there Is the man-possibly a
cousin Of T. O.'s friend-who enters q
busy office building and rings for the
elevator to halt at the ground floor.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

Add foolish questions (when one has
proffered a large bilD: Haven't you
anything smaller than that?'
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
Amusements,

Sational-''Madam Butterfly" sis n N
columbia-"The Amazons," s:l5 D, m.
Poli's-"Merely Mary Ann" 2:l5 and SIS
D. m.
Relasco-Motion pictures, $50 D. m
Chsses-Talking pictures. I to II d m
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
Speaking of This and That


rrom The Hooker-Up-t the-Back." in the
Saturday Evening Post"D
She picked up a buffer from the litter
Of ivory and silver on the dresser and
began to polish her already giittering
nails, turning her head this way and
that
From the Same story)
She held 1t at arms length, turning
it this way and that
CFrom Blind Mans Buff." in the same
mag).
They had been proceeding slowly.
turning this way and that
Why certain manufacturers should
give up hope: - straw hat
cleaner. Makes your old hat look like
new"
A useless extravaganza, the vocational
bureau. George Breeze. we learn. is
manager Of the New Brunswick, N. J.,
Airdome.
JUST AS THE SUNSHINE WENT
DOWN.
From the New York '.Times")
BERLIN. May 4-Amid pomp and
pageantry Of dazzling manifcence
Princess Victoria Luise OF Prus-
sia. the sunshine OF my house." as the
Kaiser has feelingly described his only
daughter. was married at sundown to-
day to Prince Ernest Augustus of Cum
berland.
Also postcards Pauletta, before.
the extrasesh breaks up I hope
IT will consider legislation to eliminate
jokes about wifie's biscuits. You should |
taste NINE" Well. Pauletta. YOU know
the address
There Are Worst Things Than War"
A. B. N: The postoffice clock"
FLuB: Amateur strawberry short
cake"
r. T. W: Your puns-especially that
Mary Jett' one"
While the little old Steel trust. If only |
II read this column. probably would
submit peace.
Personal AND PRIVATE
J. D.: What's an umIaut among friends?
AS regards that loud summer suit Of
yours begins Limo
tut tut, Limie; We never said it was
LOUD.
vehement 10 the word.
@. X
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

Speaking Of tiresome pageants, q par
tie diner was back in the rear
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

"Humor." spouts harpersforjune. .'Is
an elusive and difficult quality. but in
the June number Of Harper's Magazine
three Of the eight notable stories are
pervaded by a delightful element of un-
usual fun. Howard Pyle illustrates his
own story" Not knocking the artistic
Mr.. Pyle.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26
And It Rained on March 4, Too.

(From this column F'rom For Mr.
OF MAJ 49, Flunycuffles." In tn,
Rut no..,h,v thi. VARY Saturday Eveninl
dsy POST Of May ~
The silkworn may be This II where thu
turning. silkworm turns-in &
mans iong-delaye<
favor.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

From the saTne story)
She held It at arms length, turning
1t this way and that.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

.RAVELlNG on the road used
to be simply matter of
drawing a couple of hundred
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

Hrom The Observation-Disclosures" in the
Saturday Evening Post")
She picked up a buffer from the litter
Of ivory and silver on the dresser and
began to polish her already giittering
nails, turning her head this way and
that
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

vehement 10 the word.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

Prom blind Mans Buff" in the same
mag.).
They had been proceeding slowly.
turning this way and that
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

A useless extravagance, the vocational
bureau. George Breeze, we learn, is
manager Of the New Brunswick, N. J.,
Airdome.
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

Why certain manufacturers should
give up hope: ''- straw hat
cleaner. Makes your old hat look like
new"
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

Tut tut, Limie: We never said 1t wa
LOUD
The Washington times., 1913-05-26

Also" postcards Pauletta, before.
the extrasesh breaks up hope
1t will consider legislation to eliminate
Jokes about wifie's biscuits You should
taste MINE" Well. Pauletta, you know
the address.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-10-05

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