davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Iona Arm of Coincidence.

An amusing story from the suburbs
concerns householder who recently
bought two theater tickets for his wife
ind himself but inadvertently invited
mother married couple to spend the
:a'ae evening at his house When the
nistake was discovered ii was decided
O hand the tickets to another friend
afher than ask the expected guests to
ONE on subsequent evening But
~ man to whom the tickets were
aven was called ont of town, and he
4 turn hurriedly handed them over TO
near Beighbor. suggesting the latter
;ould take his wife to the play. Now
Is Is where the long arm Of coiuci-
''nre comes in The near neigbbor
nj his wife We're the invited guests
! the purchaser of the tickets They
a"h"nf II would be Il pity to lose the
Tiiire nf Slrh fine dramatic treat
ia moi knowing the real origin Of the
ekrts the wrote note explaining
" situation and used the two seats
men rieii ll,>ts had meant for them.
ives Glasgow News
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
The Answer.

Touis XIV. playing at backgammon
had doubtful throw. dispute arose.
and the surrounding couriers all re-
manned silent The Count de GraHoht
happened to come in ut the instant
Decide the matter" said the KING 10
him
"Sire." said the count, your majesty
is In the wrong"
How" replied the king. can you
decide without knowing the question
Because" said the count. had the
matter been doubtful all these gentle
men present would have given In for
your majesty."-Life.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
chanoea Hia FACE Quarterly.

He came to the club 'uncn-the
youngest member-and was scarcely
recognized. for he was clean shaVeh'
We had known him with a mustacne.
with navy cut beard. with an Imperial
and with several other changes on the
cheeks, chin and lip. But the cream
shayen man was a wonder for a Re"
moments-unti some one said. yes
II fsr And the young man Win the
naked face confessed his identity. Anu
he explained the reason for the change
~ don't mind shaving" said the
Young man. land ! don't mind having
nv hair cut now and then. But wnat
| really object to is having to get up
every morning and looking at thls
same silly face in the glass. I'm Soms
to alter it now and then I've an arcni'
tectural scheme that will rather sur
prise YOU. You can change your iace
every three months and senjoy the ian
in the looking glass" Graphic
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Y ~
The Cause of Rheumatism

Stomach trouble, lazy liver and de-
ranged kidneys are the cause of rheu-
matism. Get your stomach, liver.
kidneys and bowels in healthy condi-
ton by taking Electric Bitters, and
YOU will not be troubled with the
pains of rheumatism. Charles b. AL
len, school principal, OF Sylvania,
Ca, who suffered indescribable tor
ture from rheumatism, liver and stom-
ach trouble and diseased kidneys,
writes "All remedies failed until l
used Electric bitters. but four bottles
of this wonderful remedy cured me
completely" Maybe your rheumatic
pains come from stomach, liver and
kidney troubles. Electric Bitters will
give you prompt relief. SOC ard
LOO. Recommended by Walton &
SmoOt.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Kindness to Dairy Cows Pay !.

Too few breeders and dairy
farmers give the needed recogn1-
ton to the basis on which the
dairy industry is founded-thel
motherhood Of the animal FUR
nishing the milk. One OF the
most successful of the early Wis
consin dairymen had for his mot
to, Speak to COW as you
would to a lady, and when hel
was asked if he removed his hat
when entering the stable door IN |
the morning he replied that hel
certainly would do so if he|
thought he could get more milk
thereby.
What owner, especially in test
ing, has not noticed that some
one of his mixers was able to
get more milk from the cows
than were the other mixers! 1t
is the personal equation, the re-
d. gard the COW has for her atten-
dant, that gives hand milking
an advantage over the machine;
and the more nearly the cow has
adopted her mixer in place OF
her calf, the greater will be his
sncces as a mixer. There's
usually a vast difference in re-
suits between the mixer vino
gets a cow in position by push
ing the leg of the stool into her
flank and then kicks her on the
shin to make her step back, and
the one who gains the same end
with patience and gentlenest.
Who can blame the COW for WANT
ing to kick the first man?
Aside from the knowledge OF
how to feed IN general and thel
study of the special wants of theI
Individual cows, to attain tt Ell
greatest success a man must w n
tie affection of the cows. Some
will say this cannot be done.
But if the calf and growing yea1-l
ling is treated gently and kindly,
and then is stabbed and handled
before freshening like COW,
there will be no such thing as|
breaking the heifer to milk; She
Will take it as the regular thing.
Farm and Home.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

A woman buying groceries was an
moved by the whistling OF the clerk
who waited on her She complained To
tho nronrietor about 1t. and after sh.
had gone that worthy gazed with So
con, shaking frown on the boy and III
ouired why be had been so rude
"Didn't you tell me the other day if
.o,d that lady anything on time Ia
have to whistle before got my mon
ey?" inquired the clerk. who felt ssre
of his acknowledgements News
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Early Beds.

The beds of the ancients were piles
of skins The tirst beds resembling
t,ose ussd N modern times were made
of rushes and later of straw The use
of feathers in making beds has been
attributed 10 the Romans. and Elaga
baluS (Hehogabalus, Is said to have
used an air cushion for pillow In 2lS
Air beds were frequently used during
the sixteenth century. Feather bed,
were largely ased during the reign u
Henry Will of England
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

Dearest, l told your father ]
meant to prove my love for vol
not by words but by deeds"
what did he say, George?"
HE asked me if they were Ii
tie deeds. r-Baltimore Ameri-
can. -
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
tn. Aer.n,ane Ace.

..Nhat's become of Yorick HammF
asked Susan Brett.
IL hear he's stranded on Saturh'
answered Hamlet Fatt. He went out
with planet storming crowd Tue
show busted. and he's never peeh apie
to get back" KANSAS City Journai.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

1t is tola-otpsan swA tn at
being asked to Rreach a charity
sermon, he toekafor his text He
that hathapit ] hpon the poor
.lendeth. untostltes Lord" and ifo!-
a1oWed with the4sermon, "Breth-
rem, if you are satisfied with the
security, down with the dust"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Whizl

The fat man pulled up to the WIN.
dow of the ticket office. He looked a.
the clock and saw that 1t was 2:"i'
Have | time to catch the |'oo
train" he glsped.
lyon have time" smiled the ticker
onant "But / don't think you have
the speed Cincinnati Enquirer.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
A MESSAGE to Railroad Men

E. S. Bacon, II Bast ST., Bath. Me-.
sends out this warning to railroaders
everywhere "My work as conductor
caused a chronic inflamm alton OF the
kidneys and was miserable and all
played out, From the day | began
taking Foley's Kidney Pills began
to regain my strength, and l am bet
ter now than l have been for twenty
years." Try them. Schmitt's Drug
Store. al
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
a Hard Job.

GOOD gracious! What makes ynu
,ook like that7 Has anythin. hap
penedT
..Wen. | had my portrait painted ~
Gently by an impressioniSt. and I'm
trying to look Ike it"-Fhegende bat
for
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Out of Place.

A sentry, an Irishman. was on post
duty for the first time at night when
the officer of the day approached He
called. who comes thereY'
.Ofticer of the day." was the reply
.Then what are yez dom out al
night ~ asked the sentry.-RuraI Life
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Are You ConstIpated =?

If so, get box of DR.. Kings New
Life Pills, take them regularly ant
your trout BILE viii quickly disappear
They will stimulate the liver, improve
your digestion and get rid of all The
poisons from your system. They viii
surely get you we'll again. 25c. al
Walton & SmOot.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
OnIy Then.

"Does your husband snore in his
sleep. madam"
"Weu. doctor. I have never noticed
him snoring at any other time. -Balu-
more American
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Eouivocal.

FEATHER. dear. won't you pay the ex'
penses Of my wedding with William
He doesn't like to ask you to pay all
Of them himself"
Doesn't he? You just bring him
here. and | promise You I'll foot your
baltimore American.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Careful Mr.. Smith.

DR. PHI Injecting former patient
An GOOD morning. MIR Smith How
are you feeling this morning; Mi
Smith Doctor. does II cost anything II
| tell you?-PhiladelPhia inquirer
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Didn't Get the Chance.

Ibid you tell her when you proposed
to her that you were unworthy of her!
That always makes hit with them"
II was going to. but she told 1t to me
t."-Houston Post.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Sympathy.

Hobo-I haven't touched a thing u
,at for three days Lady-You should
see a doctor and get him to prescribe
something for your appetite.-New VI
leans Times Democrat
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

o. o. Wisman, who recently
purchased a farm near Charles
town containing Is acres fer
$4,000, reso1ed it to F. F.
Ewimley. of Winchester, for SILL
OO(l.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Too Big a Load.

"Where have you beenF
"Shtopped at cafe to get a drink"
.John. you haven't got us bad as that
at cafe You've been 10 brewery
london Opinion
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

You ,dge man notify what he
promises 70 do, out by. what lie has
done. That is the only. true test.
Char berlain's Cough Remedy judgeo
by this. standard hiss no superior
People everywhere speak OF 1t in TIE
highest terms Of praise. For sale by
All Dealers:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

owe all my success in life to having
been always a quarter of an hour be-
forehand.-Lord Nelson.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

He: Some tuues quite carry
me away" She: Only tell me
one, and I will play it with great
pleasure.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Natural Result
Fame.

Wigwag-Don't you ever long Tor
fame? Harduppe-Oh. I don't know!
Fame only makes 1t that much harder
for you to dodge your creditors.-Phil-
adelphia Record.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

Invest you money IN the per cent
Certificates OF the Shen. valley LOAN
& Trust Co., Woodstock, va. oe-
curity unquestioned. !nteres. pay
able semi annually, and CerslncAses
redeemable any time after SIX moh'n'
20 short notice.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
Cnrinl1s Question.

"A funny friend of mine up In WIS
consin sent me a box of imported lin
burger cheese by parcel post"
Yes
Il buried it without opening the
package
Eth. Why. how did you know 1t was
limburger cheese?"
wv hiatt '-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

A Missouri couple claim that
they have lived together fifty
fye;years and never had quar-
rel. Any of you married folks
got any remarks to make?-
Bristol Herald Courier.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

The secret of being tiresonie is III
telling everything. Noltaire.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
a Universal Word.

One OF the first words that a baby
says Is mamma or mother. and 1t is MOI
strange. therefore. to find it one of the
first and simplest words in every Ian
guage. There is no word easier for q
child to say than ma" unless II be
"pa" In Hebrew and Arabic mother
is ZEN" and am" 1t Is IMAM" il
Welsh and "moder" If Anglo Saxon
In other languages it is slightly differ
ent, but near enough like our own wore
mother" to make it an almost univer
sal word. so that a child CRYING th,
word in any language rouid be under
stood iii almost any other language
Eau x,f . H.,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
AIkaIineS Bad for Aluminium

Avoid the use of ammonia, I've
and all alkaline substances when
cleaning aluminium kitchen uten-
sils.
Soap and salt and vinegar,
which can be used with impunity
Oh the ordinary kitchen things,
should never be used on alum
mum.
Hot water and a soap without
much olkali will clean the greaS-
lest aluminium pan.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28

WANTED-s few carloads Of red
sud black oak railroad ties, Sta ,dard
st1a Call o. or wrftA. n. b. HOt1el
1ccee - u-3t'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1913-03-28
His Guess.

She-I wonder why this Venus OF
Milo was ever declared to be a model
woman. Hell guess it was because
she couldn't go through her husbands
pockets American.
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14
MOOSE PLAY ID BE PUT ON AT ORPHEUM

Tonight is change night at the Or pheum theatre and the Lou. B. Jacobs company will present R. '. A. Moose" This play was written by producer Fritz Fields and is based on the local conditions Of the Moose Lodge as much as possible.
 During the stay of the Jacobs com pany in th.s city. they have been en- tertained a number of times by; the hOspitable Moose lodge and as a re- ward fer the hospitality shown the company MT. Fieds produced the play. It will feature a number Of characters wh0 are pominent in Moosedom and good laughable play is assured to the patrons of the Or pheum.
 Just what the exact plot of the play will be or where he will feature the local leaders of the enterprisins order, MT Fields has refused to di- yulge to any one.
 Saturday night will be Moose night and many tickets have already been reserved. The Moose will turn out strong to attend the performance.
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14

French make are used. That the pa trol is partially accomplishing it's pur- pose is demonstrated by the fact that an occasional train is run and also that from about every third telegraph pole hangs the body of constitution alist. .a.
 Between Lampssos and Villa Dana on his way to the border, Mir. Hay more states that mine had been planted under the tracks by the ret- els. which exploded just as the ca- boose of the first section passed over it, blowing the car in all directions while the tracks Handed a block away from the hidden mine A number of federals. who were in the lcabOose we're killed. just how many was not known.
 Mr. Haymore made the trip 10 pur- chase a carload Of drygoodsH from the Monterey factories. which he success fully brought to the border, but states that he never again cares to make the trip under similar conditions.
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14
ANOTHER DAY
 OF ADVANCES

NEW YORK Aug. 13.-Foreign con ditons exercise influence today. Odi. cial utterances of British officials of Improvements in relations between the leacing powers made a buoyant market in London, that center later sharing moderately in the movement here, though probably selling a bal ance. Paris markets we're firm aI- though rents were lower. The Rer- lin market developed no pronounced trend
 A significant factor in foreign n. terest was the underwriting Of Union fdciiic's Southern Pacific stock, which was more than twice oyer sub scribedl Th.s is sad to be the first Euro can participation of any size iu American securities ince the depres- sion Of last spring. Incidentally, the success Of th.s project caused a sharp advance in S. P. as well as syndicate holdings
 From an uncertain opening the nIaNIt :sCOn developed a stronger tone. Steel and Amalgamated scoring higher Pr.ces and likewise C. P. Read ng and a miscellaneous lot. Crop news was again conflicting with pontinutd drought in soutayIsstern sections. However. western mer- chants are eyincing increasing oyts- mism.
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14

would be enormous. The astounding phase of the situation Is that in spite of the money handicap, trade and tar.
 in uncertainties, wars. insurrections,
 etc. the copper consuming world has
 been able to lick up the puroduction faster than it has come out of the re-
 fneries. Given a return of normal
 financial and trade conditions. the
 consumption of copper promises to surpass all previous records. It viii surprise most people to know thag there are 1,6t5 miles of electrified steam railroads in the United States in actual operation or under construc, tiOn, and in addition hereto. I.465 miles are planned. Here is a big DO: tential demand for copper awaiting the release of investment funds into constructive enterprises. The Lake Su- perior strike, at this moment promised 10 be a long-drawn out affair. A suBs staHtial outlet of the red metal has thus been indefinitely choked. Copper is now 15 14 cents and better.
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14
BAD CONDITION
 MEXICO SCENE
Monterey Factories Closed Be cause of Lack of Raw Mate rial; Many Soldiers Patrol Road.

That the condition from Monterey north to the border is one of chaos and disorder. is the statement of MIL lard HaymOre. of the Sonora Mercan- tile company, who has just returned to Douglas from a trip to that place The National Railroad of Mexico is the only road attempting to operate at this time. This being limited to military trains run at uncertain inter Vals on the return trip from Mon terey, in the state of Nuevo Leon. to Nueva Laredo on the border an aver age of four miles an hour was made by the train over the distance of l67 miles.
 Speaking of Monterey, one of the large manufacturing towns Of the re- public. Mir. Haymore stated that busi. ness there was entirely at a stand still. all factories being closed down from want of raw material.
 Monterey itself had been cut of from all communication with Torreor for thirty days. nobody knowing which faction held the town. The eonstitu- tionalists claimed, to have captured 1t, while the federals claim that they still hold the town. Arrivals from the Parral district were also unable to throw any light on the Torreon .ques- tion.
 The town of Villa de Santiago. twenty-five miles from Monterey was captured by the constitutionaiists. ac- cording to Mir. Haymore. As sooon as the town was in their hands the tex tile factory of Riyero Successors, one of the largest in the district. was fired by the rebels
 Efforts were made at times by the federals, who held Monterey to run T military train through 10 Tampico but all such efforts were futile, as the road was entirely out of commis- sion through the burning Of bridges and track which had been destroyed. In one plate the rails had been re moved for a distance of six kilo- meters.
 On his return trip to the border Mr. Haymore stated that the military rain was run in three sections, with an escort of 1000 federal soldiers, | he passengers being placed in the middle section.
 All along the route could be seen he rebels in the nearby foothills and mesquite At one point a party of twlve or more were seen to retreat l apidly from the railroad to the hills. ] The next minute a bridge in front of | hem was in flames. necessitating the | backing up of the trains a distance of wenty miles.
 Tn their effort to keep the railroad ! Ipen 5000 federal soldiers are doing patrol duty between the border and | Monterey. For the use of transporta- ton of soldiers along the road sixteen !. high power armoured automobiles of
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14
B|G RAINS IN
 THE MOUNTAINS

Arrivals in the city yesterday from over the Tombstone divide declared that the rain had on Tuesday morn ing, near noon, was one of the heav fest in the history of that section For nearly an hour the ran came down in blinding sheets, amounting at times to near cloudbursts. Every thing was swamped and the moun- lain sides turned into running streams. A great deal Of the water came down this side of the divide, but not near all. One consequence was several feet of water in the sub way fer a while and the accummula- tion there is several inches of sand and gravel
 Tuesday afternoon and night there were heavy rains in the mountains on the north side of the city, and again last night. People in town from that direction yesterday said that the hills were moisture soaked and that subsequent rains in the next week or so could be expectoi to run of rap idly.
 In view of the thoroughly soaked condition of the ground in the hills about the city things are in inc shape for considerable water in town during the next heavy general rain. People in the bus ness districts are anticipating such consequence and without exception are keeping their flood gate boards haD5T.
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14
DEMAND FOR
 QUICK COPPER

Seldom in the history of the copper selling industry, says Eastern adyices, have the manufacturers shown such an extreme anxiety to secure immediate delivery copper. This applies as strong ly to the foreign consumers as to the American manufacturers They have Eeen caught short of working stocks, and the big copper sellers are almost hourly in receipt. of telegrams or cables impIoring them to rush shipment" :" The copper agencies in this country have been compelled to cable their for eign representative to send no more
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14
s SIOO Reward, SIOO

The readers of this paper will bs pleased to learn that there Is at least one dreaded disease' that science has been able to cure in all it's stages, and that is Catarrh. Halls Catarrh Cure is the only positive cure now known 70 the medical fraternity. Catarrh being a constitutional disease, requires a constitutional treat meat. Halls Catarrh Cure is taken in- and mucous surfaces ef the system. there-' by destroying the foundation of the dis ease, and giving the patient strength by building up the constitution and assisting natureain doing its work. The prOprletoTs have so much faith in it's curative pow CTS that they offer One Hundred DOllarS for anys case that it fails to cure. Send for list Of testimonials
 Address r. J. CHENEY le CO, Toledo. Ohio
 Sold by all Dru gRists. 75c.
 Take Halls Family PiIls for constipation
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14
NOTES INFLUENCING THE DAY

The governor of North Carolina re- fuses offer Of railroads to cut rates 25 per cent and demands more.
 The receivers of the Frisco rate case have suspendeii operations of a dozen passenger trains in Okla homa. Arkansas and Missouri claim ing it is unprofitable to carry pas sengers at ? cents per mile.
 The American writing paper at a meeting yesterday passed their Octo- Der dividend.
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14

If you sit in a cool draft when you are heated and get a stiff neck or lame hack. you will be looking for something that will ease the pain. Fix your mind on BILLIARDS SNOW LINIMENT and don't be talked out of it, because 1t is the best pain relieving liniment you can get anywhere. Price 25c. soc and SlOO per bottle. Sold by Bisbeo Drug Co. 65l
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14

immediate shipment" instructions, as
 spot copper supplies have been practI- cally exhausted. Were it not for the restrictive. influence of high money rates, the demand for copper for all sorts of electrical power transmission
Bisbee daily review., 1913-08-14
STOCKS, MINES, METALS

buy more on any reaction. The trad ing in coppers is increasing every day and We will soon have a real bull market justified by the strength of metal. Total sales New York 512S,700. Money 1-4 per cent. Met. al l5 3-4 to l6.