The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-12-14

NM Especial )-There is no better
this Sunday than the advance ae-
count of the Gridron club dinner this
evening. Tt is told briefly as follows:
How the United States would be gov
erned under a Mexcanized administra-
tion; how the appetites of the hungry Of
flee seeker should be appeased; the secret
of the perennial domination of Tammany,
and the best way to dispose of undesir-
able statesmen, We're some of the ques-
to answer in humorous vein before
goodly company of distinguished guests
tonight at it's annual December dinner.
Few of the company escaped the shafts
of it. Vice President Marshall, Secretary
Bryan and leaders in the Senate and
House came in for share on the grid
iron, but it was evident that no one en-
joyed the grilling more than the victims
themselves.
Prospective candidates for presidential
nomination surely must have been dis
ties ahead of them. when the American
government is conducted on the, Mexican
plan, as disclosed in the opening skit. An
extra edition of an evening newspaper
announced: Grave Crisis in American
Affairs. United States Mexicanized. Old
Order Superseded Dictator Takes Reins
of Government" Whereupon appeared in
the dining hall an army clad in ragged
but guady uniforms, headed by Bryanna
to, with the announced purpose of giving
an eXemplifcation of Mexican methods
as applied to American affairs
Bryanna Bryana-"Viya Mexico
Tumulto-"What's the Irish of it? 1
can't talk Spanish"
b. B.-"Well, you and your chief have
been walking Spanish for some time. Ac-
cording to approved Mexican standards
have grabbed the presidency"
Voice from Rear-"That's the only way
you could get it,"
The Dictator then appropriated all the
money in the treasury and ordered the
execution of a few congressman. When
urged to save a few for the next holiday
he replied I'VE can begin on the su-
preme court tomorrow"
Vice President Marshallera appeared
and explaining that he had heard there
was a vacancy at the White House,
claimed his rights. He was. however,
promptly elected by the Dictator with the
remark: Rights? Why. the only right
you have is to wonder about the Presi-
dents state of health, and I-am-very-
we'll"
After increasing his own salary, Bry-
anna Bryana made all his army generals;
told them he could not pay and sent them
out to kill Champero Clarkista. But that
astute leader won over the army with
promise of pay and marching into the
hall, overthrow Bryala and ordered his
execution, which sentence. however, he
was impelled to make worse by adding
"cut his vocal cords"
Hardly had the new Dictator assumed
office and killed Senators OGorman,
Reedavera and HitchkolS, before the army
which has been outside reducing Senior
Bryana's income at it's source" returned
headed by another pretender-this time
William Alsorandolph Hersta," who de-
manded the presidency on the ground of
1.-THE million acres I own in Mexico. that
1 want this country to protect" He or
dered the army to kill Clarkista. who Bit
terly replied: 'Too late.s That's what your
support did to me at Baltimore"
Hersta seizing the reins of power an
nounced that he wanted to intervene
somewhere, and when Tumulto said:
There's no war at present" replied:
''Start one, then, and say I did it. Then
stop it and say 1 stopped it,
Moosebullera appeared Tor the fourth
time to demand his rights" but scuttled
away when Hersta threatened to print full
reports of his speeches.
BY that time the tickle minded army
had been taken by Battle Bob LaFol-
lette," who assumed command on the
claim that "he is the only honest man in
public life" He thrust out Dictator Hersta
with the declaration: 81 originated uni
versal peace Bryana stole that from
me- | am the original trust buster Every
body's busting them now-and they stole
my stuff. wanted the progressive nomi-
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ADRl