davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
The Collision.

A Newark man, running at a mod.
crate rate Of speed, was about to pass
cross street when a reckless mosqui-
to dashed in front Of him and carried
away lamp and a fender.
The victim was able to stagger to
the next crossing and report the case
to the policeman.
cts no use," said the officer. "He's
safe by this time. II you didn't catch
his number there's nothin' doin'."
OF course, this could happen only In
New Jersey. -.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
A Gentle Hint.

II was speaking with yoVr fneAes.
last night" said the young man.
"Oh. were your answered the sweet
young thing. lowering her eyes. What
were you talking aboutf"
About the likelihood of war with
Mexico. Your father said II thers was
Q war no hoped it would be short"
"Oh, yes; know papa 10 very mach
opposed to long engagements."
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Test for /. Field oI.ss.


Inquiry has 1t that the absolute ana
infallible test Of glass BY the pur
chaser is to see what size letters CA
be read across tho street from the op
tician's shop.
It isn't. The real test II TO climb
up q long and bushy hill until the
breath comes a hundred to the min
ute. then a snatch for the glass. 70
posing in a shirt pocket. to see whett.
or the buck Is the ono you want b.
fore you fire. II 1t won't 30 in yous
shirt pocket, It 10 not the glass yoa
want; others are made that viii. Il
It shakes In your agitated hands, It ID
not the glass you want; you oannoe
see enough more with . high-powes
glass to pay for the times when It b
unusable; because you cannot hold 4
steady.-Outing.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
On tho Links.

Golfer-I'm sorry to trouble you,
madam, but YOU are directly on the
line of our drive. Will you kindly
move one way or the other?
Woman Comfortably seated on the
ground)-Certainly not. I heard you
shout very rudely, but I've no inten.
ton Of moving. l should have thought
that. a gentleman, when he saw me
here, would play the other way.-Lon-
don Punch.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Not Like Her vis,tor,.

The perfect baby bad reached the
age when he could coo, an accomplish
ment in which he INDUCED hemself
most of the time when not otherwise
engaged. "He ia the most welcome WIS.,
itor l ever had" said the mother.
proudly. "He just lies and talks to
me by the hour" isn't that nice," re-
piled the caller. $50 unlike most WIS.,
itors-they just talk and lie to you by
the hour"
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
LIGHT CARRIES PICTURES
When Reflected From Object N 10
Made 70 Take Image Wherever
a., u Goes. .,.

We are accustomed to the idea that
souls are immortal. that energy can
not be annihilated. that matter can
not be destroyed, but what Of this ex.
traordinary Immortality Of deeds?
Simply this: Light that is reflected
or given of from an object carries an
image, picture of the object, with II
on Its travels. no matter how long the
journey or whittier 1t may tend.
When these image-carrying light
waves enter the eye, the picture they
bear is revealed, whether the waves
have been only infnitesimal frac
ton Of second In coming from the
face of friend across the street, or
whether they have reached the eye
after a jaunt Of 100000 years through
space, from the flashing scintillation
Of far-off star.
Even as we see our nearest star
neighbor not as 1t is today, but as It
was four years ago, the light that 10
reflected to this star from our planet
carries pictures of the earth as it was
4S months ago, and any person, If at
that distance from the earth and
equipped with some means of collect.
ing the light waves, would see events
and deeds that had transpired on this
earth In the year 1908!
g Suppose we had such an apparatus
and could out-travel light. We could
journey to the Pole star and behold,
we would see the earth as 1t was in
the year 1852!
II we journey nine years of light
waves farther in toward the earth, we
would intercept the light picture show
Ing the firing on Fort Sumter in 1861.
Even though every book and every
manuscript and . every monument
should be destroyed, the incompatible
bravery of our northern and southern
soldiers are written externally on the
scroll of the heavens.
If we travelled still farther out into
space, and caught up with the light
waves that left us, say 400 years ago,
we would see Columbus discovering
America! The waves that left us about
200 years since would give us the pic.
ture Of Runneymede, with John, sur
named Lakeland, signing the Magma
Charta
Nearly 1000 light years from the
earth speed the waves that bear the
story Of Caesars fame and the glory
that was Rome's.
Still farther out, hurting through
the esternity of amending space, is q
picture from far back in the dusty cor.
ridors of time, a picture of the earth
when It was void and without form,
ages and ages before that wonderful
creature man, had entered the arena
of life.-Popular Mechanics.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
P0lS0NS GET IN FOOD
RESTAURANT KEEPERS SOME.
- TIMES GIVEN scAREa
6tunders Which Prove Costly to Pro.
dueers OF Eatables and Serious
to Customers, Sometimes Re.
suItln0 In Death.

II the proprietor of . restaurant
ever has nightmare, it Is to the effect
that some poisonous ingredient has
accidentally found its way into dish
and that the papers are full of blood.
curdling accounts of the sufferings and
death Of his clients.
About I'VE years ago nearly = score
of people were badly poisoned after
dining in the restaurant Of q well
known West Central hotel in London.
and although the source Of the poison
was never accurately traced-all that
was discovered being that it was some
form Of ptomaine poisoning-yet to
this day that restaurant has hardly
recovered its former popularity.
More recently blunder was made
In a London fried fish shop. Engine
oil was, in some extraordinary fash.
ion, substituted for the cottonseed
oil which Is commonly used for frying
fish. This mistake proved absolutely
fatal to the business, and after time
the proprietor was forced to close his
doors.
Oddly enough. very similar incl.
dent has just come to light In another
large town. On the morning Of March
Z last baker made the alarming dis
covery that the vegetable oil which he
had used in making his fancy bread
and pastry overnight had been deliv.
cred to him in a barrel which had
been previously used for storing kero.
sene.
The moment he heard of the blum
der he rushed of and engaged the
services of six doctors and Q dozen
carts. The carts we're sent round the
town to retrieve the bad bake. while
the doctors gave their services free
to any customers who had already
partaken of the poisoned food.
Most readers will remember the
arsenic.in- beer epidemic Of 1909. This
was the most extensive poisoning on
record in England. 1t was four months
before the authorities realized what
the matter was, and by that time
there were over thousand cases In
five counties, and 81 deaths had taken
place.
The source Of all the trouble was .
minute quantity of arsenic in the beer
supplied by Manchester brewer. It
was no fault Of the firm, for analysis
of the liquor showed that the arsenic
originally came from glucose which
had been made with impure sulphurio
acid. 1t was the acid which contained
the arsenic.
In the year following the great
arsenic poisoning came the oyster
scare. There were outbreaks Of ty-
phoid fever at Winchester and at
Portsmouth. The fever was traced to
oysters, and the result was that for
some time oysters were almost un'
salable. One big oyster firm which
had been paying $3.50 week in wages
dropped to SIS week. and 1t is reck
oned that the oyster merchants
throughout the country must have lost
ct least 100000.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
WHEN ACCIDENTS BRING LUCK
What Seemed at F.rsk - q l1sseea.
tune Turned Out % D oaass.
Of Prosperity

what looked like IN sucddsnE tn
would put me completely o1t Of best
ness was instead the cause of ny
present prosperity" said . man vha
makes business Of taxing psoDle ~
to the fishing groundA
when l started business three
years ago I had Just enough capital
to buy . secondhand motor boat,
which was rated 70 carry sixty passen.
gers.
"on the drst day I took party q
fishermen out the spring a the intaks
Of my oarbureter broke when the
boat was between Coney Island Point
and Monument Light For IN hous
the boat driftsd and my passangses
cussed.
AS every boatmaa Knows. The
Shrewsbury river forms new sandhars
every winter, and although I had moi
been up the Shrewsbury that ssasoa
I took chance. Just ct the eatrancs
to tho channel the boat poksd her nose
upon . sandbar. and % the tide ~
on the sbb she stayed there.
Swearing like = pirate sevssse1
the engine, but It was NO usA By that
time practically all Of my sixty pas
sengers were vowing thsy weald nsvse
take another trip On ny boat and
they threatened 70 warn thsar ha0dA
AN old German who at IN he Stssa
aud who could not speak Hnslish DID
not realize that the boat Was aground
but thought We had reached the nah
ing grounds. Very calmly hs batts1
his hooks and threw The Tine ovse.
Hardly had the hne stzuok boe
tom when the old man began % Aaxl
In vigorously. He laaded . biG, III
fuke on the deck. In . moment svssy
man had line ovsrboasd. 0ush ask
ing you never saw. Tho nsa ct
fiuke just ~ fast a. thay eoaA pa1
them in
II have been seaman Q good u,
years and I understood what had hap
pened. Tho shrewsbufy and especial
ly around Sandy Hook Point d 'fAlaoas
for fiuke and these fish win always
go where the bottom 10 being dug M
There's no better place for duho dsb
Ing than behind boat that n dre8gina
for oysters or clans. The rsvsesina
of the propeller Of my boat wss, a
course. tearing up the bottom and th(
fiuke were coming from oil dlRootionA
II Just thanked my stars and kspa
the engine reversed. Aftse Q oo1pl1
of hours the tide turned aud hftsd "a
OF the bar. but by that time ever
one had mess of nuke and al were
happy. The fishermen took Il To-
granted that had run tho boat
aground at that spot and had then
kept the engine going 20 a TO give
them a days fishing and mako up fol
the time lost previously. They ad
vertised me literally among thsiz
friends and I've been busy over since!
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
A Scheme.

Assistant-Here is another letter
from those piano people.
Manager-What do they say?
Assistant-They want to know what
terms they could arrange to have the
prima donna recommend their pianos
every time she is called before the
curtain at the end of an act.-Puck.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Made the Library a Laundry,

HaU0 kHe CspTNry 6aUnutys
The Public Library affords many
conveniences Of which it's patrons are
not slow to avail themselves, but it
10 doubtful IL any other visitor has
gone to the length Of one woman,
who arrived there after q mornings
shopping. wearing q dirty pair of
white silk gloves.
The abundance Of soap and hot wa.
ter in the library washroom was q
Temptation not to be resisted. So the
woman washed and rinsed her gloves
and hung them over nickel rod to
dry, trusting in an honest public to
eoave them thers-New York Tinaa
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Picked tho Wrono Eve.

Picked tho Wrong Eye.
What soulful eyes you have!" she
said to the innocent youth.
Have II" he smilingly asked.
eyes," she murmured In her gush-
ing way. Especially the left one. I
could look into its liquid depth for
hours
Il might leave 1t with you over Sum
day." said the youth. somewhat Bit
terly; "it's glass;"
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
A Century Hence.

n century Heneo.
"And will you be mine, Helene7
eyes. Horace!"
In transport Of joy he seizes the
hand Of the young girl and shakes 1t.
To be sure hand-shaking has been de-
clared unsanitary by the best medical
authority, but what has such a tumua.
tuous love as theirs to do with con.
Observation-Disclosures.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25

Cooperation Among Animals.
Cooperation is almost universal in
the animal world. Wolves often hunt
in relays or In couples. When at
tackled, cattle and horses form q cir.
Gle. Beavers always work In COM
panies when building their dams.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25

Taking Too Much for oraWssA
"Say, young man. when you cold
me this fountain pen You told mo
could carry 1t upside dovR n my
pocket with perfect safety.
"Well3"
well I tried tt-end look q Tim
vest, will you?"
my dear sir. you must have-eF-
filled that pen before you put Il In
your pocket. You shouldn't have dona
that"
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
To GET. KNOWLEDGE
EVERY MAN SHOULD EXERCISE
MIND eY THINKING.
Learning Comes Through Our sensss,
Which Arc to the Mind and
Body What Reporter 10 to
Newspaper.

Whatever knowledge We have we
have obtained it in two ways. Thomas
Drier writes in the Nautilus. The
first is inheritance. The second is &C.
QUESTION. With that which we OBJ
tanned from our ancestors we had
nothing to do. We are not concerned
with the past. We are vitality inter.
ested in the present
All knowledge must be obtained to.
day by one or more Of the five senses.
Through the avenues Of seeing, hear.
ing, touching, smelling and tasting
come all our sensations. The quality
and number Of sensations depend up
on the kind Of sense organs we have.
The man with weak eyes can never
obtain through sight the knowledge
obtained by the man with eyes that
are strong. The man whose sense of
taste has been impaired. say, by indul.
gence, cannot obtain the sense of sat.
isfaction of the man whose taste IL
cultivated and trained to report 40.
curately. ~,
Our senses are to the mind and body
what reporters are. to a great news.
paper. Each has a special department.
One covers police, another the drama
and entertainment, and so on. Each
Is q specialist. The more efficient.
the better trained, the more educated
each reporter is IN. his special de-
partment Of reporting, the stronger
will be the stories apd articles he will
turn in to his paper.
The strength and power Of the pa
per is but combined strength and
power Of the work Of the reporters.
The truthfulness Of the paper is the
sum of the truthfulpess of reporters.
The new story written by the re-
porter with weak eyes will lack
strength and accuracy just as the eyes
of the reporter lacked strength and
accuracy. AS the. matter which il
printed in the newspaper is the re.
suit of the work Of the reporters so
10 the matter printed on the mind the
work of the five senses.
To build the muscles of the body we
require wholesome food and proper OK.
ercise. No matter how wholesome the
food, no matter how much or how lit.
tie we eat, we cannot have strong.
healthy bodies unless we take proper
exercise. -. =
So with the mind. No matter how
rich the mental food the senses may
bring to the mind, no good can be &C
complished unless the mind is exer
cised, is used in serving some pur
pose. is employed in,doing some work
Let us use our newspaper figure to
illustrate. If neMspaper employed
the greatest. stan, 4nk reporters in the
world, II each was q master In his
line, If each one had no superior any
where, If each wrote stories and arti
cles that had never been equaled, Il
the stories sent in were such as tt
command the interest of the entir,
city-if these reporters did all ant
were all things and these articles wer,
printed in the paper In the most at
tractive typographical manner, and tn,
papers were then stored in a vault IL
the basement, would that newspaper
have any influence, would its circula
ton grow, would advertisers clamol
tor space in its columns?
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Competing Consumers.

Competing Consumers.
"You used to say competition 10 the
life Of trade.'"
80 1t u.s." replied Mr.. Cumrox. "only
instead Of competing to sell things,
the idea now Is to corner 'em up and
get people competing for Q chance to
buy."-Washington Star.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
An EnulIsh Joke.

An English Joke.
Papa (seating himself at the break
fast table)-Wheres your mother,
Ethel?
Ethel (aged ten)-she won't be
down. Mumsey's got headache 81.
ready, Papsey, and whatever you've
got to say about the coffee this morn
ing just tell It to me.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
First Stone Arch BRIDGE,

First Stone Arch Bridge.
Said to be the first stone arch bridge
erected in this country, the "Choate
Bridge. Built by Town and County,
1894" as the inscription states, still
stands, q monument to the builder.
Col. John Choate, at Ipswich. Mass. It
d seemingly as strong as ever.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Just So.

Just SO.
II see one of our young baseball
phenoms is to be sent back to the
minors for more seasoning"
Eyes, evidently he lacks pepper"
But maybe it's another way Of say.
ing that he isn't worth his salt"
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Mature Of the Beast.

Nature Of the Beast.
II thought surely you'd sell that lot
Of sausages," said the grocer. "You
praised It highly enough"
II praised It too darned much" said
the assistant. 1T overheard me and
wagged it, tail."-New York Eveuine
Post.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25

For Passengers compiaints.
At the railway stations In Russi1
books are kept wherein passengers
may enter any complaint thAy Viii .
make. 4r e
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Exactly.

Exactly. I.
Heiross-What do you suppose "a
Their said about my plan OF marrying
you? NI
Algy-Give tt up, deah k1ri.
Heiress-Yes. those were hts WI
words.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Authors Cellars.

Authors Cellars.
II hear you have bought hoass
out at swamphurst." remarked the
friend of the author. "HAve you q
good CELLAR
Fine" replied the author. 'They
tell me its one Of the six beat eab
lars"
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
A Failure

A Failure.
First Small Boy-Is your sister any
good at playing ball?
Second Small Boy-Naw. She can't
throw anything but q At. or catch any
thing but beau.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
eosnsbody Was Glad.

And 20 this II the end" said the
hero. - he bent over the. form Of the
dying, heroine. while the orchestra
played soft, sad music.
Thank heaven for thAtls exclaimed
> pathetic voios from the. gallery.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
A slloht Discrepancy

A Slight Discrepancy.
"Your theory is that the firing OF
cannon in battle produces rain?"
Eyes: and have . long list of bat
ties just to prove it."
Just word"
"Well?"
"some Of those battles were fought
before cannon were invented"
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
coed Reason for II.

0OV0 u0aSpU TOT u.
A gentleman who was raising bees
and was the owner of several hives
was telling some children they must
not bother them at all. Ono little girl
said, Brother picked up one this
morning. but he let right go again."
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Ao Knew Jones,

Smith-See Jones over there laugh
Ing 20 heartily. Somebody must have
told him q funny story.
Brown-More likely Jones told Il
Aimself-London Opinion.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
"What ahout him ~
Sane on One Thlna

Sane on One Thing. 3. g.
Shakespeare was asked whether
Hamlet was sane. l
HE never thought there was for.
tune In chicken raising" no respond.
ed.-New York Sun.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Kindness.

Kindness. .m
why does Miss Screamditi always
close her eyes when she sings3"
We'll. you know she 10 20 tender
hearted that she cannot bear 70 sss
anyone suffer-"
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
WORLDS. QUEER FOLK
MANY OF THEM IN ACTUAL LIFE
AND IN BOOKS.
Freaks and caprIees Of Nature, Added
TO Almost Daily, q Source Of
Wonder and Matter for
Study.

by booksellers as quaint" books like
the Wonderful Museum" or the Ec-
centric Biography" about misers, her.
mtts. gargantuan eaters, strong men,
men with horns, women with whisk-
ers, and we wonder at the freaks and
caprices of nature, but there is ma
terial every year for still more en-.
cyclopedic volumes, year books Of
Living Marvels."' Read the newspa.
pers. There are wild men in the New
England states. Mr.. John D. Rookie
Teller, not believing in holidays, be-
cause they too often lead to extra
vagance," kept the laborers on his
'estate' hard at work on September
1. Letters to tho New York Times in
form us that there are persons, other
wise sane who are endeavoring to
color meerschaum pipes.
There was hermit in the heart Of
London few years ago. He, lived in
cellar, 'the sole vestige Of. house
In Clare Market, pulled down and for
gotten by it's owners" Tradesmen Of
the neighborhood gave him food. and
he was lazily happy until journalist
discovered him. The hermit was then
interviewed and photographed, and the
'workhouse authorities pulled him out
Of his cellar. and cleaned him, so that
his glory as hermit faded. Mr.: Chris
Granger Of Brooklyn on August "a
ate 80 Holsters weighing from pound
to pound and quarter. Not long
ago he ate q 15-pound bluetish,. six
green peppers, nine potatoes, two
loaves of bread ut q sitting, and, heed
ing not physicians who advise against
drink at table, galy put down 10 bot.
ties Of beer. Truly, this is little
world Of great wonders.
Go back a few years. Did not John
Ruskin deserve q place in an "Encylo.
paedia Of Wonders?" We do not refer
to his handing over Mrs. Ruskin to
his artistic friend, Mr.. Millais; we do
not allude to hi, crusade against rail.
ways and factories. When he suffered
/ from any maiady,. he always asked
what would be the worst for him;
then he ordered it and ate It,. The
physicians told him that pepper. was
dangerous. He scattered IT profusely
over every dish. An obstinate man,
when he was most disobedient, reck-
lessly perverse, he recovered. 49,
Some Of US remember the old, man
who for 40 years had a telescope at
Fifth avenue and Twenty-third street,
in New York, Mr.. Frederick J. Sey.
bold, known to thousands only as the
professor. This learned stargazer in.
/ vited the public by little placards to
Esee the. Man Ia thesaslfuon or the
j Mighty Jupiter. He had studied medi
cine, chemistry, law. He was a pro
found astronomer and an ingenious
inventor. He was q member of the
Grand army. Why did he become 8
street astronomer? No one knows
and when he, died a few days ago in
a hospital at Hoboken, all that could
be said of him was that he died chiefly
from starvation. Living on. the canal
barge on the Hudson, he had burned
all his papers. j.. az =.
Did Edward Harrigan have him in
mind when he sketched the part of the
street astronomer in "Squatter Sover
eignty?" It was not one of Harrigan'e
best parts; yet the performance wal
amusing.-Philip Hale in Boston
Herald. H,'. g.,
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
High.

'Is he q man Of high idealsr' q
"Yes he will never be satisfied IN.
til he holds the aviation record for ~;
dtpAA,"
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
The Near Prizes.

"some rich men seem to enjoy bad
luck" remarked the cynical observer.
Il never met any such person." :
"Oh, yes, you have. Every fisher
man you ever knew took more pride
In the fish that got away than In those
he actually caught. "-Washingto
Evening Star. -.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Conluaated.

InQuisitive Friend-Don't you ind
that your wife II very subject to
moods? .t'''.f.&a
Enpeck-No; she has only one
mood. the imperative, and I'm the one
that's subject to that!-Judge..
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
A crxlna Shame.

Punktown Postmaster-The advance
agent Nv tibet Uncle Tom" company
told me they wouldn't have tew take
the road at all, but could show in Moo
York the year round. but for one
thing. t.
Farmer Ruby-What's that?
Postmaster-Why, the Gerry soci-
ETY. won't let Little Eva act down
there-Puck. '.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
Il Would Never Do,

u would Never Do.
wilkins has some singular ideas
for financier," remarked the presi.
dent of the Unlimited Confidence cor.
poration. -
what about him?"
HE thinks we ought to pay OF our
debt instead Of refunding it."'-Puck.
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
It's Nature.

If'0 Nature.
isn't It dreadful that the English
suffragettes commit 20 much arson?"
yes. indeed: it is . burning
shame"
The Irish standard., 1913-10-25
A Friendly Clock

A Friendly Clock.
Look and see If the clock il run
ming, DEAR" said grandma to small
Sadie.
mo. it's standing stu. grandma"
reported Sadie. "but it, wagging its
tail" #a :.