Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-02-04
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SPUR Fl qzn
MOMENT
b, Ro,, K Mn,.ltAn
By Roy K. Moulton
IT RAYS no BE PoLITE.

\ Young Hdh WIZ saw W rs
sleeping berth on Southern rail
road to an old lady received $4,000
under her will, when she died Il
month later, all of which leads me
to the compilation of the following
rules.
When fleshy old gentleman steps
upon your corn while climbing into
his seat at the theatre and then
stands on it for a minute or two
While nodding 10 an acquaintance n
the rear OF the house, do not call
him an ANTICIPATED sbonehead, or an
ivory-beaned old gaioot, but. smile
upon him graciously and offer him
the other foot to step on Make q
few pleasant remarks about the
weather and ask after the state Of
health OF his family. Then go out
and buy him e bouquet OF violets
and present it to him
IL an old lady with square spec
tacles who looks as though she
might have money! sticks an um-
brella point III your eye, life your
hat politely and ask her il she won't
haVu an tce-cream soda.
II gentleman in the train piles
his baggage in your seat while you
are in the smoker, give him good
cigar and sit OH the floor
If man runs you down with an
automobile and breaks all of your
ribs and one of the lamps on his car,
send him new lamp and bouquet
of American Beauties as soon as you
are out of the hospital.
There are thousands of occasions
of this Kind of which you may take
advantage and which may pan out
well. You never can tell just who is
going to die and leave money or just
whom they are going to leave ii to,
FROM THE HICKEYvILLE CLARION.
Our highway commissioner, Mr..
Lage Tubbs, is looking around for
new traction engine for the township.
but he won't get one unless it has
electric lights and Is a self-starter.
This township does not intend to be
behind any other township in this
State, and nothing old-fashioned goes.
Anse Judson's oatmobile is self
starter. That is-he starts it himself.
One Of Lem Higgins's sons is mar
ried and the other one doesn't have
much fun, either. ttf
When a Teller is a crack billiard
player it amt necessary to ask what
he does for a Twin, for he don't do
nothing. R#
Every time our constable buys a
tin cup for the town pump there is
hints at graft and somebody. believes
he should be investigated
The common council is making
some money fer the town these days
by rentin' out the hook and ladder
to fellers that are tryin' to reach the
high cost of Twin by painting church
steeples.
Rev. Hugnutt says the young peo-
pie of the Hard Shell church have
got to stop writin' love letters in
hymn books and passin' 'en1 along to
their sweethearts. Some of tho old
and when they do their singin' sounds
foolish.
Miss Pansy Tiobitts, our elocution-
list, is thinkin' some of goin' on the
stage and the folks around here hope
she will, as il will take her away
from home a great deal.
Anne Hillikers nose is SO red that
it singes his mustache. Anne was
brought up in drug store county.
About the most appetizin' thing l
know is to see a soda clerk with an
apron ON that looks like a pirate
flag.
Luke Higgins has got the best oat-
mobile in the world, but he is will
ing to sell it at-a sacrifice, as he
wants to get a better one.
You can't always judge the neigh
Dor by the clothes that hung out ON
the line. "A -