The Washington times., 1913-10-29
Extracts From Diary
OF a Little Boy
BIZ ALMA WOODWARD.

YvY z have a man what kums to
w over howse and he is a regler
| " butinskee he is old friend uf
my fathurs and he thinks he
has rite to boss US kids beecauZe he
| hasn't got emmy NV his own to do it
with.
The uther mite he told pa that he
| spoyled US teribul bee-cauze aftur he
punched us he wood sumtimes sneek in
and kiss US good mite, and this bald old
| nozenbowm sed that wuz the eeziest
way to spoyle children. And pa sed
he didn't think so.
Yuh no I've been ontwo pa fer a long
time. They say that old gag abowt it
herting fathurs more than it herts the
kids themselves amt troo. But it is
troo. I ken tell 1t bee-cauze my IA
thure always holds me a littul longer
and kisses me moar time rite aftur he
thinks he has hert me. And them lots
NV times he kums back and pats my
he'd like he kant do enuff to make it up
to me.
And I feel so sorry fer him in my
throte that 1t getz to hert there moar
than the plase he punched and 1 make
UP my mind 1 wont newer be bad agen
the time kums l get bad befoar l kno
II.
Ennyway my mutherr sed to mrs bell
that I wazint visshus child She sed
l wuz misscheevus but not visshus. l
don't kno what visshus meens but it
sownds feerce. Its funny how muthers
and fathurs' silk up fer yuh even whenn
yer such a littul devvul. l CESS emmy
how the best thing a boy kan do is
kind NV stik arownd his parunts-there
pritty good palz to have.
The old doctur KUN arowned yestur-
day and seen US. My muther gets ner-
vus sumtimes bee-kauZe thare aint
ennything the matter with us and she
thinks maybe sumthing is soin' to
sneek up on us. So she sends for him,
And gee, he has the hardest time
finding sumthin the matter with me.
He has to xamin me all ovur and pownd
me ia ships befoar he kan dig up emmy
kind Nv a sikness. And he always
ends up on my long suferun tung. Furst
he shuves the handful NV a spoon way
doun intwo my wind-pipe and them he
sez my tung Is koted and 1 need a
tOnik
l kud bring in the same verdik thout
goin' throO all that torchoor. And then
aftir he Is gone ma telifones to the
drug store fer the tonik and they hav-
int got il and whenn pa kums hoam fer
dinner she ree-minds him to get the
tonik downtown termOrrer and he all
ways fergets 1t and then they get intwo
littul dee-bait. That is the way ii
happens every yeer. l don't think dok-
turs Is much good.
My appetite wained today. They he'd
stoo for dinner and when-evur we have
stoo my appetite wains. l don't kno
what there Is abOwt stoO that atracks
SO much attenshun. To me 1t Is most
unnecessary dish and very neerly re-
lated to soop.
Pa sed to-nite that he is goin 10 insti-
toOt new rool. He sed the rool Is
whenn my apatite wains fer stoo 1t has
gotto kontinu to vain fer dezert. And
ennywon understanding littul boys will
reelize that is sum rool.
Sis is lozin her teeth and / don't think
1t is fare to give her as much lowance
fer not fergettin' to wash EN- as thay
give me beecauZe she aint got as
menny to kover. I'm not krazy abowt
this teeth washin' stunt ennyway bee
cauze lots NV times / ferget and 1
breethe In insted ov owt and all the
tooth pouder flys doun my throat and
I like to choke to deth.
Pa has a parshul plate. 1t has got
teeth on 1t and II is ree-movabul And
pa is awful touchy abowt it and keeps
rec -minding peepul 1t is ownly PAR
SHUL. l don't see what hez kikkin'
abowt Its sinch to wash ii and yuh
KANT Sc 1t move ownly whenn you
ionL under his musstash.
T will end with a joke what L stung
ma on to-nite. F'rum forse up habit he
wlIz jus goin' to kali me down but he
rec strained himself.
..sed the tree to the bruk Ill fall akross
sod the bruk to the tree Ill be damd If
you do
And pa didn't have nuthins on me.
bee-cauze it wuzint kussin,