davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
HENPECK HAS LITTLE JOKE
For Once He Turned the Tables on
His Wife, and Surely Had
Right to Laugh.

Henpeck was in a state of delight
all the evening; it was so evident
that at last we asked whether some
one had left him a fortune.
NO. but it is the joke Of the
age. l have been laughing all day.
This morning when / went into the
dining room at breakfast time there
was no meal visible. l went into my
wife's room and there she was still
asleep. So unlike Bertha, you know.
| called her: Say, Bertha, it's eight
o'clock; I want my breakfast Not a
/ shouted; shook the bed;
brought in the frying pan and beat
the reveille upon it, All to no pur-
pose. What was I to do? Time was
passing and ! didn't feel inclined to
go to work hungry. Get my own
Not on your life. What
am l married for? Then a bright
thought struck me. l took off my
shoes, crept as quietly as / could along
the passage; a board creaked; in a
Bertha was awake.
James, where have you been?'
And you should have seen her
when she realized the truth. Ha! hal"
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
FEMALE MAKES THE TROUBLE
Certainly in the Case Of the Mosquito
They Are "More Deadly Than
the Male"

The attention of many of our citi-
zens who hitherto have taken little in
terest in chronological investigation,
has been attracted to what they be-
lieve is new variety Of mosquito a
mosquito which in the course of evo-
luton has lost its bark but not its
bite; that comes upon one unawares,
without musical accompaniment.
Whatever may be said against the in
sect it should be set down 10 its cred
1t that 1t takes its nourishment without
music, declining to give that addition
al smart to ones misery. This active,
but diminutive specimen OF the ge-
nus CuleX, now at the close of sum-
mer, is beginning work that will
continue until the first sharp frost
AS q matter OF fact these mosquitoes
that have had no difficulty in pushing
their way through the smallest mesh
ed wire screens are all females, and
for that reason We hear no song. The
males are larger, perhaps cannot make
their way through the screens and re-
main outside, where they sing solos
or join in numbers and give hallelu-
jah choruses, and encourage the suf-
fragette sisters at their work inside.
The sisters have an Unsuitable thirst
for blood, while the mouth of the male
mosquito is not equipped for biting
and he does not come into our houses.
While the sisters are inside drinking
blood the more temperate fathers of
the family are outside slipping rain
water
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
MANY USES OF THE OCEANS
They Are Here Enumerated, and You
May Accept or Reject the Facts
as You Prefer.

Oceans are found in various parts OF
the world, where they spend their time
in tapping shores, infringing upon the
rights of continents, and swallowing
up islands, ships and people.
Oceans are salty to the taste and
are used by yachtsmen to get away
from their wives, also to cover UP
cabled newspaper stories about kings
and queens, and to float navies and
other debts.
An ocean spends it's time in having
storms and making surf. 1t delights
in making innocent people sick and in
playing with children's legs. Without
oceans there would be no steamships
and gambling would decline.
Every ocean has set of fish which
do not even pay ground rent, but spend
their time like people who live on
land, namely. in devouring each other
Besides ordinary fish, oceans have
whales, Holsters and mermaids. The
mermaids live on rocks just as girls
on dry land do. The Holsters also
live shellflsh lives in lobster palaces
The whales lie around and wait fol-
the happy time when they can perform
useful work supplying bones for cor
sets or to oil the wheels of child labor
factories.
Some oceans employ professional
sea serpents, which they use during
the summer for advertising purposes
Oceans also have zones, seaweed and
sponges. When an ocean has beer
out all night It likes to take a sponge
bath. hence It always keeps on hand
a constant supply of these useful toilet
articles.-Life.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

The minister was coming to dinner,
and the lady of the house killed a
rooster in his honor. Her little boy
was very much annoyed, and thought
1t cruel
Some time after this the lad saw the
minister coming up the road. He ran
into the yard and began putting all
the hens and chickens into the roost-
ingplace, saying all the time:
"Shoo, shoe! Here comes the man
that ate yer father!"
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
Keeping Up the Deception.

81 presume your wife thinks you are
a very smart man."
"She does"
We'll, my advice to you Is, don't
stay around home any more than yor
can help.r
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

The value Of the grindstones and
pulpstones produced in the United
States last year was the greatest in
the history OF the industry.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
Liqht on an Old Sub iect.

Dentist-Now open wide your mouth
and / won't hurt you a bit.
The Patient, after the extraction
Doctor, | know what Ananias did for
a living now.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
Which Proves IL.

They say that unions raise the
price of labor"
married last week and struck me for
more salary"
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
Keeps IL.

MY hubby goes out every evening
for constitutional"
Mine don't; he keeps IT in the
house."
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
Foley Kidney Pills Relieve

promptly the suffering due to weak. in
active kidneys and painful bladder action.
They offer a powerful help to nature
in building up the tTae excreting kid
ney tissue, in restoring normal action
and in regulating bladder irregularities.
Try them.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
The First Question,

Wiggs-Young Slllicus says his
heart is lacerated.
Waggs-Who's the lass?
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
Naturally Limited.

HE won't go far even when he's
pushed"
That's because he's such pin
head"
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
Their Use.

That orchestra uses racks for its
music"
Yes; the audience is on one OF
them"
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

Red Cross Ball Blue will wash double as
many clothes as any other blue. Don't
put your money into any other. Adv.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

Nothing equals Deans Mentholated Cough
Drops for Bronchial weakness, sore chests,
and throat troubles-5c at all Druggists.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teethlng, softens the gums, reduces infamma-
tion, allays pan,cures wind colo Csc bottle.kds
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

Prices of mules are reported to be
Using in Missouri.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
Sure Proof.

There we're bad spirits at that
spiritualistic seance l attended last
night"
why, could you smell 'em?"
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

The self-made man never quite gets
the job finished.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

Red Cross Ball Blue. all blue, best bluinp
value in the whole world, makes the laun-
dress smile. Adv.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
Paradoxicai Status

How is our standing army?"
II believe, sir, it is In good run.
ming order"
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

A woman says things she doesn't
mean; a man means things he doesn't
say.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

ABSORBING, JR., antiseptic liniment for
mankind. Reduces Painful Swellings, En-
larged Glands, Goitre, Wens, Bruises, Vari-
cose Veins, Varicosities, heals Old Sores. Allays
Pain Will tell you more if you write 81 and
~ bottle at dealers or delivered. Book
Evidence" free. Manufactured only by
W.T. YOUNG, p. D. g., $40 Temple ST. Springfield, Mass
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03
Once Plentiful.

Up to very few years ago-and
probably still-sheep were fairly pienti.
full In the low desert mountains which
here and there hem in the Colorado
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

and perseverance are
prime essentials in the make
up of every man who goes out
for big game, and he who
,.-,,ll L,-t tIa
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-03

them"
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-05-17

on that date and it is more than prob
able that Salem will be honored by the
presence of many other lodges then.
The best drilled lodge team on that
date will be awarded silver loving
cup by the Moose lodge and it is hoped
by the committee on entertainment that
local orders will take part in the drills
together with the Moose and other
lodges from other places.
The committees are exerting every
effort to get word to other lodges
throughout the Northwest to come to
Salem On May u and get acquainted
In view Of The fact the Woodmen
of the World will spring out in its fine
duds three days during the carnival and
is now lannng to hold its annual con.
vention here, assures the Moose that
they will be only too glad to assist in
making fraternal day success. The
W. o. W. will elect delegates to the
main camp during the convention and
large numbers Of visiting members Of
that order will be in Salem during the
carnival.
On the 22nd, Thursday, things will
be humming for sure. This is Eugene.
! Albany Day and the two southern cities
have assured the local Moose that they
will turn out in full force and bring
along rot only bands but a cracker
jack Of base ball team, composed en-.
: tirely Of Eugene Moose members, on
that date. OH you Eugene. Albany.
Salem reeds you and will surely tickle
your ribs and chuck you under the chin.
Eugene has issued a challenge to the
Moose Of Salem for a base hall game,
and the Salem order will muster up nine
tossers to meet the sister lodge bunch.
A grand parade has been arranged
for that date and in the evening a
grand ball will be given in the Moose
hall to which the general public is in.
yited.
The "Prune City Of the World,
Dallas, las been asked to parcipate dur
ing Friday Of the carnival, this day
having been set aside as Salem. Dallas
Day. Walter L. Tooze, Jr., Of Dallas,
took up the matter Of visiting Salem
that day with the Dallas Commercial
Club, ard the organization voted to
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-05-17
distance rs yards,

distance rs yards
Cracker eating contest, greatest num-
ber in five minutes.
Pie eating contest, as many as pos.
sible in given length Of time.
Thursday, May 90, at 1O;3O a. m.
Free for all race, distance, 200 yards.
Sack race, distance, 50 yards.
Boys under IS, so yard dash.
Girls carrying a doll in their arms,
distance 80 yards.
Friday, May 23 at 10; 80 a. m.
Three legged race, distance, SO yards.
Fat mans race, distance, rs yards.
Free for all, dash, 100 yards.
Rounding the stake and back, dis
tance, 30 yards.
Saturday, May "a, at 1880 a. m.
Potato race, ten positions in carry.
ing same, distance, 25 yards,
Little girls skipping rope contest for
a distance Of 50 yards
Free for all, grand prize offered, dis.
tanco 100 yards.
Slow bicycle race, distance, 100 yards
All Of the races will begin promptly
at the time stated in the program and
will be completed before l2 0 clock All
entries should be submitted TO W. NJ.
Wolfe and H. c. Courscy in due time
TO assure admittance in the contests.
Judges for the contests will be named
later and the committee has on hand
several nice things Tor those who win
out in the different races.
One Of Salem IS wide streets will be
used as the courses for the races, the
name Of that thoroughfare will be an.
nouncol later Owing TO the character
Of the prizes offered by tho Moose to
winners in the racing contests, It is
more than likely that there will be a
good sized field In each race and the
results will be interesting to witness
There viii no doubt be many other In
teresting events included in the above
program in view Of the fact the list il
subject to change by the committee
and in any event, the public will be
CONTINUED on Page 1O.)
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-05-17

storm the Capital City on the ODD. The
Moose committee has arranged mon
ster auto parade on that date and Mr..
'rooze advises Secretary Turner that he
can be sure Of autos from Dallas to
take part in the procession.
Secretary Turner also declares that
the. local automobile owners have sig
nified their intention of joining the
parade and that he hopes to have
enough machines before the date set to
reach much longer in distance than on
the occasion of the bridge celebration
here.
Saturday, the last day Of the carni.
val, will bring several hundred Moose
and other carnival.loving citizens from
Portland, it being Portland Day. The
Salem lodge has been informed that
every "dod. .gasted Moose in Portland
will be with yer" Portland Moose
have attained reputation as live wires
and that they will take the wrinkles
out Of Salem Saturday the 2ith, goes
without saying, and the Salem Moose
members declare that the metropolis
visitors can have anything they want
just as long as they leave the hall in
tact on the corner Of Court and High
streets.
Will Initiate 100
In connection with holding the big
carnival. the Salem r'or Of Mos, will
take w 100 new mcmbers some time
/ during The week. the lolge having sac.
eeeled in signing up this nuube in the
past few months. contest is now
on in which prize is to be awarded ia
the member who turns in the most ar.
plieations, and Moose have been scour.
ing the woods for every likely man he
could find to boost the membership
The poor old lodge goat win have tho
hardest time in his life when he tackles
these 100 men who will be invited Ia
ride him at least twice around the hall
and the members will no doubt be com.
pelled TO tighten their belts and nearly
bite an eye.tooth in two in order "a
awake the next morning without lame
back from laughing too much
The antics performed by the new
members while they are being put
through the mill will be interesting
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-05-17

and The Capital journal has been as.
sured that it will be given an accurate
description Of the whole affair. "Let
er buc, and be burned, " said one ap.
plicant yesterday "I've rode wild
hoss and on $. p. train and come out
safe, so why should ] worry and get n
wrinkle. "
However, the old saying Of Give and
let live" will prevail when the vic.
tins for initiation come before that Sc.
lected hody which will have its worl,
outlined for it, and there is no cause
for the 100 prospective members TO take
out a life insurance or back out on
their application, While one member
is getting his declare the initiating body
the other fellow who has already got.
ten hisn' can stand by aud gloat or
feel sorry for the poor cuss, just as he
pleases.
hNoIyuouy VIII opOLJ
"Binie" Wolf and II. c. Coursey,
the two Moose committeeman who have
arranged the program for sports during
the carnival, have certainly concocted
some Interesting contests. Every per-
son in the city during the week will
be invited to take somc part in these
sports and the results promise to be
both interesting and exciting. Races
and other stunts which call for agility
and skiIi have been included in the
program and the entrances will un.
doubtedy be full by the time the ear.
niyal opens.
Following is the sporting program as
compiled by Committeeman Coursey.
Monday, May 10, at 1O!3O a. m.
Boys under Is years 50 yard dash,
Girls under 12 years, 30 yard dash.
Free for all, 100 yard dash.
Boys under 10 years, crawling
through barrels for a distance Of 100
yards,
Tuesday, May 20, at 1880 a. m.
Free for all, 100 yard dash.
Free for all, so yard dash.
Girls under l2, hopping on one foot
10 yards
Spoon and egg race, distance so yards
Wednesday, May 81, at 1Oi30 a. m.
Keg race, "a yards
Wheelbarrow race carrying one boy
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-05-17

contests to take place here promise to
be exciting. Each drill team will be
in its lodge uniform and capable judges
will be appointed to award the prizes.
Just what character of uniforms will be
seen can not be ascertained, but the
local members have been advised to
spruce up something great as visiting
Moose intend to come prepared both in
dress and equipment to show the people
some fine stunts in the way Of march.
ing.
Concessioners are already making de-.
mands for space during the week. I'm.
less everyone can present bona fide
proposition the Moose refuse to sanction
their appearance at the carnival. How.
ever, several live Salemites will be seen
on the streets behind booths well stock
ed with the usual holiday goods, such
as the carnival spirit brings, and every
one is invited to dig in and enjoy them
selves 10 the fullest extent. The Moose
members declare that they will show
the visiting public and local people a
good time if they have to bust sus.
pender, and that they want the public
in general to understand that the car.
nival is not being given for the lodge
members only, but for the public, and
everyone is cordially invited to take
part in the sports and other contests
which have been arranged for each day.
There will be band music on the
streets both day and night, the local
order having engaged several organ
izations outside Of the different Moose
bands TO take iart.
Special Days
On May 90, each state society will
be requested to take part in the iolli.
fication and that day will be set aside
as State Society Day. Written invita-.
tions have been sent to all lodges Of the
order and as many Of the other soci-
eties as are known by the Moose, and
all others not yet being a recipient Of
such invitation, are requested to be on
hand in war toes to assist in raising
things from the foundations here.
Wednesday, May 81, has been set
aside as Fraternsl Day. Every frater-
nal order in the Northwest has been
asked to participate in the celebration
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1913-05-17

Continued on Page lO.)
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-01-30
COTTON PLANT

Cotton Plant, Jan. 2s-A rain and
wind storm visited our community
Monday. The rain was gladly well
coined as everything was badly in need
of moisture.
" E Veal and wife and Mrs L c
Bell of Istachatta and Groom came up
10 OcaIa Wednesday in their car. re-
turning by Cotton Plant. where they
spent a few hours with their parents.
Mr. and Mrs. d. NJ. Barco They were
accompanied home that night by Mrs.
Charles Veal. who will spend a couple
Of weeks with them.
sir ]. p Daniel has accepted a posi-
ton with Mr.. Norris on sunny slope
farm.
AR C r. Veal and two children spent
Sunday with the formers parents at
MarteL
Miss Alta Beck went to Groom Fri
day afternoon to spend the week end
with Miss Carrie Barco. who was with
her sister. Mrs. Bell she returned
Sunday night accompanied by Miss
Bareo The latter has been visiting at
Istaehatta. Groom and Pasco for several
weeks
Messrs. Woodward. Morris and Bareo
visited ocala Saturday
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-01-30
us that an order or reqcest?"

is that an order or a reqCest:"
whichever you please. Sheehan
answered shortly.
.'And if / don't do it?''
There's another man runnin for
district attorney"
why. Sheehanf' John simulated
reproachful surprise we'll Surely you
wouldn't go back on your party. But
| forget-you're the party. aren't yon?
suppose Simcox belongs to the party
too Simcox was Johns opponent.
And If | do?'
"Then you'll win"
John got leisurely to his feet. His
visitor also rose. "Sheehan. you're ~
ing. You'll knife me in any case.
Well. I won't do it. So go ahead and
beat me-if you can. I'd rather be
beaten than be beholdeD to you, you
Do you know what you are. Sheehan
You're not smart. you're just greedy
and there's been nobody TO thwart
you. You're just big bully with II
soul as fat as your body. DO you know
you're getting awfully fat|' He began
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-01-30

Judiciary-C. NJ Livingston, chair
man: J. H. Taylor, E. T. Helvenston.
Finance. A. Carmichael. chair
man; z. T. Helvenston. B. A. Wealth
ers.
Light and water-J H Taylor
chairman: F. G. B. Weihe, B. A. Wealth
ers.
Street-B. A. Weathers, chairman
F. G. b. Weihe, E. c. Bennett.
FIRE.. G. B. Weihe, Chairman; E
7. Helvenston, Walter Hood.
Polics-E. T. Helvenston, Chairman
Z G. B Weihe. = C. Bennett.
Cemetery. 1890, Chairman
F. G. B. Weihe, c. NJ. Livingston.
Market-C. NJ Livingston, Chair
man; Walter Hood.
Sanitary-Walter Hood, Chairman
J. H. Taylor. G. A Carmichael
Building-E. c. Bennett, Chairman
q. A. Carmichael. ]. H. Taylor.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-01-30

whats ideaIs7 Can you eat 'em?"
prodding the other, none too gently,
about the ribs and stomach. His
fingers found only soft, yielding cush-
ions of fat
Don't get fresh, young Teller" But
Sheehan drew back. nevertheless.
John followed him and continued his
inspection.
IF I'm elected, Sheehan. Id advise
you to buy a passage to Mexico or
some place where extradition laws
don't hold. You needn't bother about
a round trip ticket. either. In the
meantime, get OUT" Sheehan assumed
a clustering air IFS shorter by the
window. but you may prefer the door,
continued John.
He seemed to the other just then
very capable young man. The boss,
after a moments inward debate. chose
discretion as the better part of valor.
John went to the window, threw it
open and watched the bulky figure
pass out of sight around the corner.
He filled his lungs with the cool. clear
autumn air.
The election was a week away \
week is q short time, but in ii. if you
are Young man not unwilling 10 lose
an occasional nights sleep. a great deal
can he accomplished. Johns journeys
took him into PIumyiie and iuto every
ward thereof and into the townships.
In these latter districts lie had less
need Of the diplomats tongue To win
recruits workers they were called
and we'll called He found volunteers
a-plenty. Farmers Cranshawe aud
Sykes aud CrSwelI and others. sober.
Unconditional men who were yet willing
to follow in forIorn hope. On the
day before election. faith in his fellows
quickenpd. he moved on New Chelsea.
When election day dawned. beautiful.
eloudless day-happy omen!-he knew
that at every polling place in the eouD-
ty was one man at least working in the
interest OF John Dunmeade and that
most of them would be loyal.
The state ticket had Il narrow escape
from defeat that autumn Only the
two great cities with their machines.
their fraud and their supineness saved
1t. Benton county went for the oppo-
sition. not entirely. however. one
brand was saved from the burning,
although a certain faction OF the party
was not greatly eIated over Dun
meade's victory
young man. pale, stirred TO the
depths by a victory he had not be-
iieyed possible, could not understand.
was at his window gazing worship
fully up into the sky.
Il have found my place. My peo-
pie! I am willing to pay"
1t was VOW of conservation
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-01-30
READ THIS

The Texas Wonder ures kidney and
bladder trouble, removing gravel,
cures diabetes, weak and lame backs,
rheumatism and all Irregularities OF
the kidneys and bladder in both men
and women. Regulates bladder trou-
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druggist, viii be sent by mail on re-
ceipt OF 81. One small bottle is two
months treatment and seldom fails to
perfect a cure. Send for testimonials
from this and other states. DR.. E. ".
Hall, 209s Olive street. ST. Louis, No.
Sold BY all druggists.-Ad.