New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-09-07
AS | WAS SAYING


oats though it is a thrilling escape we have had
Here moped We oppressed by that still. small
voice whispering Scintilate, durn you. Scintil-
late"" while yonder in mdocean wallowed the over
due Megalomanic loaded with Jokes, but unable 70
fetch them ashore. We banged our head For we
had not thought Of Secretary Daniels and the fast
cruiser Salem hoped so soon TO lay before you the
facts concerning the Honorable Miss Violet. Nice
child-oh, very!
Said her mother: II can't imagine how such IDEAS
come into your head and make you so naughty.
can only think the devil must put them there"
To which the Honorable Miss Violet replied:
"Perhapth he did the kicking and threatening Out
the thptting wath quite my own idea"
This Alls us with sweet, calm sense OF relief
and encouragement 1t had looked dark indeed for
photographers, with the present mitants getting so
thin.
Hou, touching Of the Colonel to condole with more
or less Governor suzer, One might almost fancy he
had had time over campaign funds himself We
ought to look into II.
And perhaps we should inquire further. and find
out how the Colonel manages to live on his salary
Awful suspicious are afoat-due, probably. to the
following unsigned advertisement
Confidential sympathy and advice in difhcultles
of any kind offered by one who has passed through
the furnace and understands the trials Of others.
accepted"
Whereas our own advice is free. We offer the
more or less Governor the counsel Sir Algernon
Cholmondeley received when up 10 his neck in a
Scotch bog. Just at the crucial moment he heard
bagpipes. and along came Sandy MacGreegor.
HI there cried Sir AIgernon, How can get
out OF this"
Sandy paused in his piping surveyed Sir Ager-
he nd
but before resuming his Journey and his music said:
'Hoots, ! dinna think ye can get DOT"
A good deal Of nervousness is being expressed be-
cause NJ Pegoud persists in flying upside down. but
we consider it on the whole the safest way. as no
body cares TO join him. He escapes the peril so
wildly described by aviator IN The Oily Mile,
who had some anxious minutes, up there among the
air currents II correctly quoted he was caught by.
violent guests
Professor John Bassett Moore the brains OF the
State Department" has decided not 10 eface HIM
self and loud are the cheers Of a happy nation,
though there exists Mr. osborne, who sits desolate
He was at time supposed TO he First Assistant
Secretary OF State. AS one has kicked him down
stairs he feels that probably he still is. and wishes
the professor would subside.
So We hear criticisms Of Mr.. Osborne. His
soda water in the wds OF Wyoming. and they would
floor us with the question. What does druggist
know about diplomacy
Heaps we should say, Who is ii that keeps his
face straight when selling you those funny rem
edies? who responds TO a wink, but never let's out
your secret? Who greets you with a smile when
YOU drop in TO ask what time the car starts? And
who is It that energies from that back room behind
the mirror-poker-f faced and unperturbed-quite as
hoap mt ting I'M
They tell us that MASKING is not the gay sport 1t
once was in Chicago, since several would-be mash
ers ran up against the women policemen" and
Il Is predicted that women are likely TO be on the
forces in many cities in the near future
Here? Well. maybe. and yet again not For
We suspect that others besides Brother Pietro Bana
mini have a liking for his motto II fix him myself.
What did Mr. Richard Washburn Child overhear at
Coney?
1t was romantic occasion. A young artist, just
back from Paris had sighted two captivating little
creatures and suggested that he and Mr.. Child step
I'D and make representations. Naturally this called
forth a warning. AS naturally, the warning went
UNDECIDED Putting air Of gay and winsome
camaraderiethe sort that succeeds in the Quarter
the artist approached the nearer Of the two girls.
Result?
SAY! amt yous the gall-y article? Go sell yer
papers,
Mr. George NJ. Cohan, author Of that patriotic
dirty ITS Grand Old Jag" was out in his car the
other day and slam-bang into the garbage cart.
Sorry 1t hurt. And yet we trust that the lesson
will not be wasted. BY what We hear. the garbage
cart is much sought after just now. Dramatists less
sensible and less amusing and-may we not add
less .abstemous than George are steering for 1t at
top speed and expect considerable crowd to collect
Whoa brethren! This will hurt before the season
is out You will feel it in your pocket nerves. For
there is a dismal aching boredom about vice. Dull
copy at best. it lacks variety Oh wearsome!
Chuck 1t! Can't you how awfully few ways
there are Of being bad, and what numberess funny
ways there OF being good?
Look at Harry-then at Bryan r. L. II.
A CERTIFICATE OF SANITY. TOO.