The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-11-28
CHANCE FOR RICH
AMERICANS WHO
YEARN TO Be POOR
Advertisers i'm the London
Times Would Soon
Get Wealthy
SOME QUEER TYPES
OF ADVERTISERS
Clergymen Insert Many Ads and at
Times Verse of Scripture Is
Switched in Between
Appeals

London, November 27.-(Specal. )--1f
there are any more American nillonaires
who, like Andrew Carnegie. are worried
lest they may be dsgraced by dying
rich, they need not bother about found
ing libraries. helping Universities or
building peace palaces, for there is a
much simpler way than any of these of
getting rid of their superfluons wealth.
All that the pluctocratic American. who
Neafns to be poor needs to do is to sub
scribe to the famous and dignified Lon
don Times (Which used to be six cents a
copy and Is now four, and then to pro-
ceed to assist all the folk (and an uncom-
monty queer crowd they are). who adj
vertise their needs-or alleged needs-in
this journals renowned agony Column"
few months of doing this assiduously,
one should think. would relieve 'Jawn
! d. himself of a considerable portion of
his superfluous wealth, If it did not actu-
ally reduce him to a necessltous condi-
ton himself.
agony" Column Unique
Il 1t must be unique, this so-called
agony" or Personal column of the
London Times. In no other journal in the
wide world that one wots of do people
In air walks of life SO persstently ad-
vertise their necessities or, In some cases,
their mere whims, in, apparently. the fond
belief that utter strangers will be moved
by their appeals and proceed to cough
up the necessary wherewithal. So un-
blushing and, frequently. amusing are
these Times agonies that the present
writer recently resolved to collect a few
of the choicer specimens for the deiecta-
tion of American readers, including char
itebly disposed American millionaires,
should this happen to meet the eye of any
such.
Here is highly typical appeal which
appeared in the Times fairly early in the
holiday season:
Vicar for many years of a large parish
and his wife, utterly unable to afford such
4. luxury, intensely desire a holiday
abroad, free from work, free from cost,
free from other eompansionship than their
own. VIII anyone who appreciates such
a longing and Is rich enough to crafty
It. provides means for this happiness?
Write, Reverend, o. 19l. The Times Of
flee, L. c.
For sheer nerve" 1t would be hard
to beat this and many others of the
Times personals, and one frequently
wonders If the Ingenious folk who m
ssert them ever get any replies, to say
nothing of discovering philanthropists
ready 10 part as tneN say over mere.
Evidently the first appeal of the ''Vicar
of large parish" was disregarded, for
couple of weeks afterward IT was
repeated with the pathetic query, "Of
does no one care? No reply TO former
advertisement"
Clergymen, by the way, are arranr
beggars in the Times. Here Is another
of them. a country clergyman" this
time "who would be exceedingly
grateful for loan of motorcycle with
side car" Greatest care he adds. in
gratiatingly. "A very real kindness.
Cannot possibly buy, or would" There
has been no sequel to this .'ad," we
never shall know whether the vicar
ever got his motor-bil1e or whether he
still is pedalling an Ordinary.
Typical Appeals
) Folk who have gotten tired of work
ing and yearn to be adopted by some
affluet person are thicker than black
berries in the personal column of the
Times, Here is the heart-cry of one
of them:
"A young gentleman, 1920, unhappy
through family misfortune. would be
ever grateful if someone really kind
and generous would take deep in
terest in him or even adopt him. Write
Y Y. H.. O.272. The Times Office, e. c."
And here that of another
'Will wealthy lady or gentleman
adopt or interest themselves in young
man with artistic and literary abilities?
References gladly given. Genuine. Do
please respond. P.651. The Times office,
r. c."
Folk. who. like the vicar mentioned
above, desire holidays at somebody
eses expense, likewise bulk large in
the agony" column, A typical appeal"
of this kind reads as follows:
Educated young man (25): very
good companion, has five weeks hol-
iday during August and September and
would like well-to-do person to take
him abroad; has great desire for travel
but financial and other circum-
stances viii not allow it; photo sent.
I Reply O.Ss9 The Times Office e. c."
one would like greatly to see photo
of the educated young man" who put
that In. A day or two later this ap-
peared:
"a widowed lady with two small
bows would be very grateful if some
kind-hearted person would help her to
give them month at the seaside from
1st August. r. G. N. o.72s, The Times
{ Office Il. c.
Want Debts Paid
People who are worried by debts
and desire someone else. to pay them
likewise advertise, largely in the
Times Here Is one such modest re-
quest:
'sWill large hearted lady or gentleman
assist advertiser to clear himself of debts
amounting to f100? Reply o -453. The
Times Office, f. c.
Next we have a loyal churchman who
has given the leisure of 20 years to church
and charitable work in London, and who
Is urgently in need of G25 through do
mestlc affliction. Could repay with in
terest next year" Also "a struggling bus
mess man. for III years in money lendnrs'
hands,, who appeals for private loan of
R25 to free him. not to mention "Anx-
ious,"who wants temporary help, to save
myself and family from Disaster and
who inquiries pathetically, "Can | find q
friend?"
There are self-styed hard workers who
only want a chance to hustled and ad-
vertise in the Times for it, and there
are also avowed Shakers" who now,
however, have seen the error OF their
ways and long for a helping hand-or
plant leg! Here Is one of the former:
Young professional man too shabby
to obtain engagement. sWill anyone pro-
vide suit and linen, etc. References. O-679,
The Times Office, e. c."
Then there is "Alphomega," who ad-
vertises. candidly;
"a Slacker--Nothng will ever become
of him; abilities lacking applications; no
vices save indifference, convinced he can
be useful. desires financial help"
= or course he does, and so does, P-390,
who declares:
"I realize now. at 80. how I've fooled
away my chances. Am now in dead
earnest VIII you help? I've done some
ooflf. no1