The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-02-02

protected In Whatever ne hishs 80
nv one of the only two laws of the
club:
Ladies are always present;
eReporters are never present"
A brief outline is herewith given by
one of the members of the entertain
ment committee.
President-elect Wilson, President
Taft, Theodore Roosevelt, William Jen-
nings Bryan, Rip Van Wrinkle and lot
of other notables we're portrayed to the
Gridiron Club and its guests tonight
at the annual winter dinner, when men
of national size sat at the banquet
board and saw themselves frolicking
about to their own amusement.
The dinner took the form of one
graceful tribute to President Taft and
another to President-elect Wilson
The club began by having an inaugu-
ration of its own President-Rudolph
kKauffman of the Washington Evening
Star. His inaugural procession, which
marched into the banquet hall to the
blare of a band consisted of detach-
ment of the New Jersey National Guard;
club of Princeton professors; q contfn-
gent of southern colonels, hurrahing
for the solid SOUTH" places for vet
erans," ETC.. the ''wanta Eta Pie Frat"
of college boys; Tammany's phalanx;
tho I'm Bad Club, including George
w. Harvey, Henry watterson, August
Belmont and Thomas F. Ryan, and
finally a squad of suffragettes shrek
ing ''votes for Women"
When the din had partially subsided,
IL was announced in behalf of President
Kaufman that he did not think much
of the parade. as there were some
things missing.
"where," he asked, was the Champ
Clark Houn' Dog Club?'
"went broke at Baltimore" was
the explanation.
where's the Underwood Protection
PhalanxT
| pulled off the train by Bill Bryan
and slapped into steel shackles,' was
the answer, while the Harmon Ohio
Buckeyes were being entertained at
French Lick Springs at Tom Taggarts
expense.
Such as it was. the new president
was Obliged to be content with his in
auguration, and received the sacred
emblem of office, the golden gridiron,
with the statement that this being an
era of economy and reform, he would
be allowed neither salary nor travelling
expenses.
Hardly had the guests turned again to
their terrapin when entrance was de-
manded and achieved by the Sigma-Pi-
Pi-Sigma fraternity of the Yale Law
school which insisted on initiating two
new members to the club The dinner was
susnended for the ceremony. The neo-
phytes we're 'Mr. william of Cincinnati"
and MIR. Theodore of Oyster Bay" to be
known in the order respectively as,
brother Bill and Brother Teddy A
dissOrd in the band was explained by
the liability of the neophytes to agree
| on a marching tune; one demanding the
| only tune he knew, "a Hot Time In the
! Old Town Tonight" and the other want
| ing Kellers Hymn of Peace"
The grand panjandrum' explained that
| .S-P-S' meant "Standpat Progressive
Society,"" The symbol of the ballot box
with a coffin and scholars cap below
| II meant. "the ballot box is tho one
peaceful bludgeon in the hands of the
people.- "He who is stricken by it may
either crawl into his political coffin and
die at once or prolong life little by
going to teach at university.
A non-descript. double ended ANIMAL
with a moose head at one end and an
elephants at the other replaced the time
honored goat, that both candidates should
be able to ride at once. When it broke
down under their combined weight Theo-
dore defiantly declared that though he
couldn't run the darn thing. by God
| frey, l smashed it,; while William
..backed himself against the world for
n good loser, In the struggle the wigs
and false mustaches becoming displaced,
revealed the features of the two new can
ddates for admission to the club, John
E. Monk of the st. Paul Dispatch, and
John p. Gavit OF the New York Evening
Post
| Next President-elect Wilson was dis
covered conducting his first cabinet coun-
ell on the lines of a faculty meeting and
calling upon a member for his 'thesis."
1t soon appeared that all the cabinet
officers from the Secretary of State to