The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1913-05-29
Settled In Heaven
Perhaps
BY Nj. QUAD
Copyright, 1913, by Associated Lit
erary Press.


date when the dispute between Joab
Warner and Moses Stansell originated,
but 1t was generally concluded that 1t
lasted Twenty-Five years before Provi-
dence put an end to ii. One fall even
ing, when Delhi consisted of only seven
houses and a huckleberry patch, Joab
and Moses met at the postoffice, and
after a little talk Joab said:
Moses, I'm told that you've got
tolerable appetite for cider
"Yes, tolerable." admitted Moses.
"You allus lay in bar'l for winter"
81 surely do"
"And what do you put into it to keep
II from gettin' hard and twangy:"
81 allus use little peppermint"
1--WE heard you did, and I'm goin' to
tell you of better thing. Put in sas-
safras instead of peppermint. and
you'll have bari of cider equal to
champagne. You know how folks cry
for my cider along in the winter, and
it's the sassafras what does it"
"Sassafras couldn't beat peppermint"
says Moses as he shakes his head.
But it does beat it all holler," says
Joab. You use it once and you'll be
grateful to me all the rest of your
life"
Il don't doubt you mean well, Joab.
but Isshall stick to peppermint"
I'm givin' you sassafras. Moses"
"And I'm givin' you peppermint,
Joab."
"Waal. | wouldn't give peppermint to
q grubby calf"'
And | wouldn't give sassafras to an
ailin' hog"'
That was the beginning of the dis
pute They didn't lay hands on each
other. but they felt edgeways. and they
never met without bringing up the
question. They had it all to them
selves at first. but after a bit other
folks were dragged into ii. and good
share of the county was divided into
"peppermints" and "sassafrasers."
Both disputants were church men,
bers and belonged to the same church,
and the pastor finally called them be-
fore him and said:
See here, brethren, why this dis
pute?"
Cause Nose is a mule" replied
Joab.
cause Joab is an idiot" replied
Moses.
THAT is not Christian talk"
Let him give up, then. and say he's
wrong"
Hes the one that's got to give up"
But you will divide the church II
you keep this up" warned the pastor.
I'D hate to see it." replied Moses,
"but peppermint's the thing to preserve
cider"
And | will never divide a church If
I kin help it." added Joab. but no
body but idiot would use peppermint.
Sassafras is the thing, parson-sassa-
frasr'
peppermint. parson-peppermint!"
But if both are good
But they hain't"'
Almost every night in the year Joab
after sort of elbowing each other
around for a spell Joab would say:
why. hello. Moses. is that you?
thought smelt peppermint around
here!"
And | smelt sassafras as soon as
you left home." Moses would reply.
Still stickin' to it. are you, that pep
permint is the right thing to keep cider
from gettin' too hard?"
Il am. and allus shall. and so would
any one else but born foolr'
| There would be more to 1t. and q
dozen men would go over the question
and call each other fools and liars, and
the trouble kept spreading. 1t beat
Joab when he ran for supervisor, and II
downed Moses when he wanted to be
deacon of his church. If a lightning
rod man or a tin peddler showed uI
within ten miles Of Jericho he was
asked for his opinion on the cider
question. and the man who favored
peppermint couldn't do business witt
the sassafrasers. Many people tried
to smooth over the quarrel. but wheI
they went to Joab he said:
Pm willin' enough to be friend!
with Moses. but, durn his hide. he'i
got to drop that peppermint bushes!
fustr'
Then they would go to Moses ant
talk and argue and point out his duty
but he would shake his head and reply
Its no use talkin' till Joab lets g
Of sassafras. He's stickin' to 1t jes
because he's pigheaded and wants t
come out on top"
The thing had been going on for near
ly forty years. and Joab and Moses ha,
got to be grandfathers and old men
when they met at the postoffice for tn
last time. Both were lettering an
feeble, and as they caught sight o
each other Joab called out:
Its that blamed peppermint workir
in your system. and l don't care no,
soon it takes you off,
Its that sassafras In your blood" n
piled Moses, land your folks needn
expect me to come to your funeralv'
The next day both Of them were |
bed. and after looking them over tn
doctor said their time had come to e
They lasted two weeks and died o
the same day. but before dying Joa
sent word to Moses: