Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-09-08
On the Spur Of
the Moment
BY ROY MoULToN.


THE DIARY OF BoNEHEAD
After riding the last hfty-nine
miles with a thin gentleman's elbow
crowded into my ear and stout
lady's parasol jabbed between two
of my most important ribs, my new
straw nat damned down over my
ears, one foot in a lunch basket and
youngster on each knee, packed in
so tightly that we couldn't reach
into our pockets to get our tickets,
I made up my mind that the sunday
excursion to the festive papier machs
and stuceo summer resort was not
for me and mine. ever again.
With an ear full of einders and a
heart full of woe ! sit me down 10
swear by my faithful diary. that any
person or persons who by intent 10
malice aforethought endeavors 10
entice me on a Sunday railroad out
ing will be shot on the spot and the
remains shipped to the nearest Gre
matory.
Our gay little party started al >
O'Clock in the morning with enough
optimism TO supply the government
weather bureau for seven years and
enough food to last the Bulgarian
army through an entire siege OF
Constantinople. The optimism lasted
about half an hour and the food gaya
out before dinner time.
There were seven adults and thir~
teen children, seven lunch baskets
twelve umbrellas. five baby cabs
seven thermos bottles FIVE hot water
bags and a small charcoal stove tn
cook the coffee on. / carried three
| children, the small charcoal stoxes
two lunch baskets and two umbrel-
las.
After painful journey in a. coach
that was built to carry forty per-
sons and really carried 1855, and be-
ing sidetracked five times to allow
freight trains to go by, We got IN
our destination, a typical resort.
/ where people do everything but re-
sort
We began paying for things a.
soon as we got off from the train.
and didn't see any of the scenery
All that We saw were open palms
| stretched out under our noses. There
was nothing free excepting the air,
and that was not very good. Tran
sient picnic parties like ours were
obliged to camp out in the picnic
| grounds. which were out on the lee
side of tannery with a strong sum-
mer resort wind coming from the
other side of the tannery. There is
only one thing more persistently
chummy on hot day than a tannersr
and that is fertilizer factory. We
| we're told that there was no fertilizer
! factory at this resort. but that there
was one at the next resort down the
| lake, If We cared to try that one
| next time.
Five of the children fell into the
river one at a time. Children never
fall in all at once. They draw the
first one fell in soon after we arrived,
! and the last one just before We We're
ready to depart for home. Three
were lost in the woods and not re-
covered until five minutes before
train time. and the lunch baskets
were overrun with red ants to the
extent that we were obliged to put up
81 a head for dinners at the resort
hotel, the dinners being almost az
good as we could have secured al a.
twenty five-cent restaurant at hone
on circus day.
We made the trip to the resort in
three hours. The return trip oceu-
pied seven hours. Railroad people
have the faculty of forgetting excur-
sion trains entirely after they once
reach their destination. 1t never oc-
ours to railroad company that an
excursion is in three times as much
of a hurry to get home as it is to re.
to The resort
Flea-bitten. chiGGer- stung. lame,
halt and half blind, We register our
solemn vow-Never again,