davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06
FABLE FOR BENEFIT
OF ADVERTISERS.
Simeon Ford Points a Moral
With the Tale Of a Goose.

Simeon Ford, the noted humorist.
said in praise of newspaper advertising
at banquet in New York:
There is a fable that all advertisers
should have by heart. 1t runs like this
As shopkeeper dozed, his bead Oh
the dusty counter of his shop. the gray
cobwebs across his door were rent
apart, and goose entered.
The shopkeeper rose with a glad
smile. He thought he had a customer,
but when he saw the goose he muttered
an oath
What do you want here? be said.
This is no place for geese
Isn't it? said the goose. 'Quack.
quack! And it regarded the shop
keeper derisively, then went on:
I've come, my dear sir, because l
saw your advertisement on the fence
that incloses your barnyard | knew
that you must be a goose or else a
donkey. because otherwise you would
place your advertisement in a news
paper, where it would be read by blu.
man beings, and not upon an isolated
fence. where it is only read by donkeys
and geese and other barnyard denizens
So, being lonely today. | thought I'd
make you a fraternal call. A couple
of donks viii probably drop in later =
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06
HUnoR Of The DAY



There are people who are trying
Night and day
To prevent the need OF dying.
And they may
In some way
Find the secret they endeavor
To uncover. so that never
Any more
viii there come to man or woman
his that erstwhile have been human.
So that no one need be faring
To that shore
Where the sainted ones are wearing
Crowns that they have won by daring
To be free
From the sins that are 90 blightinE
And are still. alas. delighting
You and me.
They may ind some way of making
Youth endure
And for Ills that leave US aching
Learn the cure.
But be sure
That. however they endeavor.
They need never. never, never
Hope 70 nnd
Any way whereby . vulture
May be taaght to strive for culture
knd be kind.
And. though death may hose its terror
You. my friend. will be in error
II you hope
There will ever come season. -
When man devoid of reason
May be ret among the scholars
!. Through the mere use of dollars
- Worth of dope.
Chicago Record Herald.
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06
Explanation.

Name said the idea of her mother
bringing home new husband made
her tired"
Il suppose that is why she would not
go a step farther" Ameri-
can.
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06
Almost Discouraged.


A rancher returned from a years
trip to find that an old time neighbor
of his, a man noted for his perfect pa
thence. had been having a siege Of bad
luck. Upon hearing the news he i'm
mediately sought out the neighbor to
condoie with him.
well. john" he said after greetings
had been exchanged, Il hear you lost
all of your timber through the forest
fires
The other man nodded.
"And they say that the river cut of
your best bottom land. that your hogs
all died of cholera. that your wife
and children have been sick and that
they have now foreclosed the mort
gage on your other place"
John nodded again. Yes: it's all
true" he said. looking about him at
what had once been his prosperous
farm. ..all true. Why. sometimes / al
most get discouraged. Ladies Home
Journal.
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06

WHAT CAN DO FOR YOUR ASKED THE
BUSINESS NAN.
several years later hts annoyance was
tinged with amusement. A stranger
came into his Office one day
What can / do for your asked the
business man affably.
Are you w. S. d. 2"
Eyes, SIR
The man sat down and continued:
did you own the site of the city of
Peoria ?"
Eyes"
did you sell it for SCOOP"
81 did,
The stranger looked at him fully a
minute. He appeared to be about to
speak. but he said nothing. He got up
looked W. S. d. over again from head
TO foot and then tiptoed softly out OF
the room.-Country Gentleman.
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06

IA Business Mans Queer Visitor.

4 Business Mans Queer Visitor.
George Fitch, the humorist. who Is
editing paper In Peoria. H.. tells q
true story about Peoria that is interest
ing In view of the recent boom In
land values throughout the country.
According to Fitch, certain man
named w. s. d. once upon a time took
some Illinois land on bad debt. He
never visited his property, and after
he had paid taxes on it for several
years he had an offer for it which he
accepted on the spot. The deeds were
scarcely signed when he found that 3
city, Peoria. was growing up on thai
land He was naturally annoyed. but
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06
Deserved to Be Lost.

But" said the returned explorer,
although | seemed to be hopelessly
lost and there was not the slightest
sign of trail, was not the least
alarmed, for at that moment some no
madic Kurd rode into my camp"
why were you not alarmed?" asked
listener.
Il knew the Kurds would show me
the whey. STRAY Stories.
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06
A Nuisance.

First Prison Oficial-We'Tl have to
stop giving permits to people to go in
and see the prisoners.
Second Prison Official-Why so?
First Prison Official-Too much con-
fusion. They keep getting in the way
of the fellows who are escaping
Puck.
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06

$50 ~ a d lII
Work on Fort Undertakes water
works system Is progressing rapidly.
and it Il expected that within few
weeks water viii be turned into the
MAINS The engine has arrived for
the pumping station and workmen
are busily engaged in erecting the
Waterworks building.
w. e. Covington of Fort Lauderdals
Is exhibiting two large wildcats.
which he killed on his farm near
there. One Of the specimens is Of
extraordinary size and excited much
comment from the large number of
people who saw the animals There
were five of the cats, but Mr. Cow
ington succeeded in killing only two
II the yield OF the Irish potato
crop is as abundant and satisfactory
in appearance and size as the grow
ers have a right to expect from Flor.
ida's unexcelled soil, and usual re-
Spouse to cultivation, this state viii
be able to supply the whole country,
judging from the acreage planted in
potatoes, with the provision, of
course. that the weather conditions
are favorable.
A Waldo dispatch says: While
alone in her home Mrs. D. II. Hart
ley accidentally set her clothing on
fire and was so badly burned before
help came that she died few hours
later. The cause of the fire is un-
known. The house was burning
when help came, but was saved.
Mrs. Hartley leaves a husband to
mourn her sad death. She came
here from New Hampshire several
years ago, and has lived in and near
Waldo most of the time.
At an adjourned meeting of the
fruit and truck growers of Fort Laud
erdale vicinity, held in Oliver hall, al
association was organized known as
1.-THE Fruit and Truck Growers As
ISOLATION" Twenty-one charter mem
bers were enrolled. A committee OF
five was appointed to draft and sub
NIT to the next meeting a constitu
ton and bylaws. At this meeting
officers will be elected. Much en-
thusiasm is shown and a powerful or
ganization is looked for.
The monthly meteorological summar
for Miami, issued by the weather bu
reau office, shows that February KEEP
UP the record made by December an,
January for abnormal warm weathe
The mean temperature for the montl
was 70.S degrees, which is two de
grees above the normal, and the higl
est average temperature for Februar
since 1905. The highest Temperature
recorded during the month was
degrees on the 18th. and the loves
was 4S degrees on the 18th. TIL
greatest daily range of temperatur
was 20 degrees ON the 18th, and tn
least daily range, six degrees on tn
9th. The average temperature 70
the three winter months, Decembel
January and February, was TIC de
grees. This is 3.6 degrees above tn
seasonal normal, making the curren
winter the warmest on record TO
Miami. The record covers a perio
II of Il ronrc o,+ondino LnaI- a AZ. -:
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06
Care of Children.

Willie. did you carry your books on
the left side this morning?" demanded
mother.
"Yes'm.'
Very well. Now. don't forget to
carry them on the right side Monday
morning"
What difference does it make|
growled dad
THAT shows what kind of a father
you are" snapped the mother. IF the
child didn't alternate be might ge
curvature of the spine. CITY
journal.
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06
Whsrs He Cana In

your son-in-law has a title"
Yes" replied the patient father,
the expensive binding material and the
gilt decora ton. Buffalo Commercial
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06
How Re Found Them.

"Well. Binksy. have a good tour in
your new carr" asked Hickenlooper
Pretty good" said Binksy.
How did you find the roads?" asked
Hickenlooper.
by following the ruts," said Binksy
-Harper's Weekly.
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06

1t Is said that Professor Blackie Of
ten told this anecdote ION himself. !.
This old professor used to perform =
very picturesque feature in the Edins
burgh streets He was a why old
patriarch. with handsome features and
hair falling IN rinxfets about bis
shoulders No one who had seen him
could possibly forget him. One day
be was accosted by very dirty little
bootblack with his "Shine your boots
sir?" The professor was impressed b.
the dizziness Of the boys face
Il don't want shine. my lad. said
be. but If you'll go and wash youI
face I'll give you sixpence-
"A RIGHT. sir" was the lads reply
Then he went over to neighborins
fountain and made his ablution. lie
turning. he held out his hand for tbs
money.
well. my lad" said the professor
you have earned your sixpence. Here
1t is"
II dlnna want IT. returned the DO,
with a lordly air. You keep 1t ant
get your hair cut"-National Monthly
The Daytona daily news. [volume] (Daytona, Fla.) 1903-1926, 1913-03-06

Work on Fort Undertakes water.
works system Is progressing rapidly.
and It i expected that within few
weeks water viii be turned into the
mains. The engine has arrived for
the pumping station and workmen
are busily engaged in erecting the
Waterworks building.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-05-07

grandsons, little children when he
died. They have never done a useful
thing in their lives.
Marshall Field left a will and in
that will he left all of his fortune
to trust fund. A trust fund is not
alive; it cannot tell you to come down
at o'clock and punch a clock. There
isn't any flesh and blood in trust
fund.
'The little children over in Eng
land so years from now viii get that
fortune. In the meantime they have
no more say about Marshall Field
than you haye.
"Yet that thing not alive. goes
around the world, it hold stores in
England and America. It controls
millions Of working people who are
working their lives out for mere
pittance that they may feed this trust
fund.
"And our laws permitted Marshall
Field to make this viii selling into
slavery children yet unborn, and fifty
years from now it will still be selling
into slavery children unborn.
''Yet we can beat it by organi-
cation. The wealth that is rolled up
in Marshall Fields and every depart
ment store in the city is made by
your labor and the labor of other
workers. In the fifty years which
elapse from the time of Marshall
Fields death to the expiration of this
trust fund, every thread of goods
viii be worn out and replaced over
and over again, not by Marshall
Field, but by your labor and the labor
Of other workers.
''The building will fall and be re-
built and an army of people will work
fifty years because one old man who
died said they must.
"But the labor you are putting in
belongs to you, and it is for you to
see that you are paid for it-that
YOU do not give it for almost nothing
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-05-07
sUFFRAoETs BLAMED FOR MORE
FIRES AND NEAR DISASTERS

FIXED AMI NEHh DlOAO J. EnO
London, May 1.-THE cricket pavil-
ion in Bishop Park, Fulham, was en-
tirely destroyed by fire, and su1fra-
get literature scattered around. Two
bungalows at Box Hill and house
in Finchley Road, all occupied, were
also burned during the night.
A verger in St. PauPs Cathedral
was attracted by the sound of
clock ticking while he was busting,
about 20 minutes before time for the
daily opening in st. PaqPs.
He made an investigation and
found bomb with clock-work and
battery attachment under the Bish->
ops Throne After plunging it in a
bucket of water, he turned it over
to the police, who believe it is the
work of suffragets. Another bomb
was found by the police in Bouverie
street, opposite the building of The
Evening Star and close by Temple
Chambers.
The st. Paul bomb was unques-
tionably ''man-made" and is the re-
suit of skilled workmanship and a
thorough knowledge of electricity,
mechanics and explosives. For sew
eral weeks the Cathedral has beenun-
der close surveillance, guarded daily
and nightly by Scotland Yard detec-
tives, who suspect suffragets because
of the fact that the. women have
made threats against st. Paul's and
other important buildings.
Women's suffrage was defeated
yesterday in parliament by vote Of
266 to PIG, and it is believed that the
militants have defeated their own
object by their law-breaking tactics.
Meeting a boy, the bishop stopped
and asked him: "Can you tell me
the way to the nearest station?" The
boy pointed out the way. How far
is. it?" the bishop asked. about a
- L.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-05-07

Meeting boy, the bishop stopped
and asked him: "Can you tell me
the way to the nearest station?" The
boy pointed out the way. How far
is. it?" the bishop asked. about a
MILE" the boy replied, staring hard
at the bishops knee-breeches and
CATERS. AS his lordship turned away
the boy added: Whats up? Some
body pinched yer bike2"
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07
TENAS RAILROADS PIONEERS.

The Texas railroads have set the pace
III a new line of work. having for its OBJ
icct the bettcrmcnt of conditions among
the people along their individual lines
and have set in motion a wave that bids
fair to be far reachin gin its influences
is the declaration Of the Railway Record
i'll an editorial published in the issue Of
February 1.
The Record gives to the Texas and Pa.
cific and the International and Great
Northern roads the credit for the intro
duction Of a new departure il the in
stallation Of their demonstration train.
which is now making a tour of the lines
of this system.
While the operation of demonStratiou
trains in Texas il not an innovation. the
new features introduced by these lines
has brOadened in scope. covering prac-
t~icallv all phases Of domestic and rural
life, which means much in the develop
ment Of a new country.
After giving Il description of the train
and the scope Of its work Of demonstra-
ton along the lines Of agriculture. hOr
ticulture, good roads building, stock
raising and marketing and domestic
science, it further SAYS:
1T is the first effort Of the kind that
has been made in this particular dircc
ton. but by no means the first put forth
by the railways to manifest their inter
est in the general development and pros
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY Z, 1913.
ANIMATION.

Whatever results from the present
agitation of the question Of the city
scavengcrs, the agitation will not be in
vain if the people are moved to take the
matter of sanitation into their own
hands-ScavengerS or no scavcngerS.
For whatever the city does or leaves
undone or however stringent the city
regulations may be, or however well the
regulations may be carried out by city
employees. we can not be protected al
together against u own carclcSSncSS OF
our own Indifference.
AS DR.. Loew APPLY suggests. it will be
better to do our own sanitary work plus
the ordinary work of the s~cavengers.
than let it 90 undonc. The average
householder can at least keep his prem
Uses cleaned up, front and back. He can
also buy and scatter about the premises,
from time to time. Il little fresh lime
lie can also, if he will, independently
or in conjunction with his ncighbOr, pay
for his own ScaYengqr to, cart away the
refuse. ,l
Also, inasmuch as the warmer weather
of early spring is about due. we can al
begin an early campaign against tho
flies. We can put oil on standing pools
Of water in the ncighbOrhood. aid VIC
can screen the barrels and boxes used
for garbage. .-... "H Jna
Whoever n~cglectS Us, it viii ciSui
cidaT to neglect ourselves. This acit1
ton of This particular question should
remind US of the work we all have 70
do; work the city viii rot do-shoulG
not do. Let us not be foolish enough &c
neglect our own work on account Of any
lack Of money in the city treasury. Some
One-we have not time to look up his al
dreSS-wrOtc. The Lord helps them that
help themselves" Another true philOs
Ophcr remarked, "CleanlimcSS is next tx
goliness.' Put these two proverbs to
gether, and YOU will get a good platform
to regulate your conduct in the present
crisis.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

31S
The ALAMO LUMBER COMPANY

perity Of the people. Since the an
nCuncement has been made of the inten-
ton of the W railways in question to
take the action indicated, Il great deal
of interest has been manifested through
ont the state i'll the success of the under
taking, so much 50 that Il general agita-
ton has been begun to have the legiSla-
ture of the state make an appropriation
to cover the cost Of establishing and
maintaining a home economics car on
every railway in Texas, as it is be
lieved that no more certain way could
be adopted of promoting the happiness.
prosperity and general well being of the
entire community
ID. j. Price, general passenger agent
for the International and Great North
ern, located in Houston, is highly
pleased with the reports that come
from over the state as to the interest
manifested in the demonstration train
and states that inquiries are coming in
concerning it, indicating that the pcO-
pie will avail themselves ON the oppor
tunitieS afforded by the train.-IIOuston
Post.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

That Mexican diplomat who lied t.
the Washington authorities about the
nearncSS of the end Of the rebellion il
that country, has perhaps quccrcd AL
other diplomats who come to Washing
ton from that country. Tor many years
to come. Yet the thing which concerns
us is the problem Of how far this able
prcvaricftor really did fool the Taft adj
m~iniStration. We have long suspected
that the American authorities were not
as badly fooled rs they pretended 70 be.
1t is probable that 1 competitive cXami-
nation III mcndacitv, as 4 qualification
for the Ananias club, might disclose the
fact that the American diplomats
But the subject is too painful to pursue
further. Let uS talk about something
else.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07
TERMS CASH.

The Hotel Clerk (suspiciouslv, to pro,
pectivc guest. whose bag has come apart.
thereby disclosing a strange c%ontrivanccl
May I ask whit that queer thing is?
The Prospective Gucst-This is a new
patent fire escape. If your hotel caught
fire | could let myself down from the
windOw'SO ~easily-see?
The Hotel Clerk-Exactly; our terms
for guests with ire-escapes are invariably
cash in advance.-Sketch.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07
LOOK FOR A BOY ANYWHERE.

David GraySon. writing one Of his
new "AdventurcS in Contcntment," in the
February American Magazine. makes
this observation:
Long ago ! made a motto about boys:
Look for a boy anywhere. Never be sur
priscd when Won shake a cherry tree if
a boy drops out of it; never be disturbed
when YOU think Yourself in completes
solitude if YOU discover i boy pccring
s0ut at YOU from 4 fence corner
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07
TELEPHONE
31S
THE ALAMO LUMBER COMPANY

Trading in stocks and bonds on Wall
street has fallen off about fifty million
dollars within a few years. Well. we
have the cOuntry's biggest grain and po-
tatO crop to keep people busy this year.
1t has not been observed that the gen
creased because a seat on the New York
stock exchange is worth just half what
it used to be.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

SuffragettcS sent boxes Of ground RED
pepper 10 members Of the British cabi
net. 1t is said that on account Of th(
early opening of the boxes there was al
early closing Of the cabinet. For in
venting new and horrible methods 81
warfare. the SuffragettcS are 1T the head
of the lass, grading well up into the
class, grading we'll up into the nincticS
(Only don't tell them we said 50: they
might misunderstood the use Of the
word ninety.)
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

Representative Watson Of HAYS cOun-
ty wishes to abolish the Office Of county
treasurer, and has offered a constitu-
tional amendment to that effect. The
theory is that county funds are kept in
banks that bid the highest interest. The
business can be covered. perhaps, by ac-
cOuntings between the banks and the
commissioners.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

London S%uffragettes pasted votes for
women posters all over the front Of .
police station. I'll would save a lot Of
worry perhaps if the police would recog-
nize the women as belligerents and be
stow upon them the status of combat
ants. 1t will be 50 much nicer for the
police.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

1.-THE income tax amendment is now Il
part Of The constitution Of the United
States. Therefore, if your income is
more than $1,000 a year, get ready 10
meet the assessor. The details, however.
Will not be settled until the extra 'Scs.
sion Of congress-.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

Manuel CalerO admits he lied about
the war, when he tried to make people
believe it was all over, except a few
trifling preliminaries to peace arrange
ments. 1t now appears that the pre-
liminaries involved the capture of
OrOzcO, Salazar and Zapata, and the
putting down of the rebels generally.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

Wonder what has become of the
little old boy who used TO 60 to bed
with Il wool sock pinned around his
neck when he had a sore throat?
San Antonio Express.
The little boy is still with US, and
the sore throat il close by-around the
corner. maybe. It's the WOODEN sock that
is missing. There is many a little boy
of this gcncration-alaS. that we should
have to say so!-who never saw a WOODEN
sock. Nav don't knit EN- any more.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

\ TXas farmer who broke himself
loose from two thousand dollars under
the s~uaSion Of Hot Springs sharperS, is
going TO get his money back. Tn which
respect he is more fortunate than Il lot
of other Divorces from similar causes.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

a proposition il now before the lcgiS-
lature to allow cities of 2OOO population
to adopt commission form of govern
ment. At this distance the proposition
looks good.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

The Kennedy bill. regulating the Sa-
loon business, is said to be the most
drastic bit of legislation of that kind
ever presented in the legislature. The
more it is debated the more drastic it
seem to become.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07

There are people who take their argu-
mrntS too seriously. AS III the case Of
the negro who got himself shot, in a dis
pute about the population Of Dallas and
Houston. What had Dallas or Houston
ever done for that poor negro?
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-02-07
TOIGH. INDEED.

More tough luck" whispered his
wife.
We'll, what now" he muttered.
You know Miss Green never sings
without her music?"
Yes"
We'll, she's brought her music!"