New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-08-08
AS | WAS SAYING

Come all ye jolly Irshmen and listen to our taie'
terrible ape has broken loose in Charlestown
Mass and, armed with his photograph. the police
are capturing him hourly Fine haul so far-Qulh-
Ian, Casey, Finn, Fogarty, O'Hara, McSoriey ana
Hogan. But in every instance some MISTAKE seeiis
to have been made.
Meanwhile news about whales. Ihey
bounce tugboats out OF water, then get sliced by
passing steamships. So the libraries are over
whelmed with demand for Mr.. William r. Lightons
treatise on these playful creatures. "A whaie re-
sembles sn Irishman." says william. what APP
pears to be a high forehead is only upper lip.
Wonderful-ths about apes and whales and Irish
men. We admit the resemblance. In comic sup
PIGMENTS and the stage, and once in the South OF
France and again in the South of England, we nave
seen IT, In Ireland never, yet in Irish America
Catch an Irshman. Get him down, If you can
which you cannot. and measure his lip. DlVVe
long lip will you find on Patrick
But Nature has her compensations. Noting the
Irshman's shortage of lip, she has put 1t into many
a kind heart to offer him abundance OF that
feature.
u is n touching experience naming the baby
one filed to overlooking with fond. sweet sentiment
and bright with sunny hopes But you take turtle
Naming the baby is nothing to naming the turtle
We have chrstened turtle Clarence.
II was beautiful occasion. and We should look
back to II with unalloyed pleasure but for the fol-
lowing heart throb, just received:
TO A NAMESAKE
Pride toters on her throne laurel wreath is myrtle
Shame claims me for her own-my namesake is
turtle.
Oh we'll it might be worse! Godson shall he be!
Fatal beauty's not his curse. but there no flies
he -Clhrehce " S'ohe'
Steady. Clarence. We intended the honor for a
roval Bengal tiger Of that name. But we have seen
how these things 60 Did not a lovely village wad-
die twenty miles across the great state Of -- TO
claim the ridlcule our wicked pen had deposited
II did And when the lovely village held old
Home Week shortly after, It was no mere turtle
that marched in the procession with our name In
proud red letters on its blanket No by lingo twas
very different beast by far.
Passing on to the next cage. the suggestion OF
contrasts points 10 the elephant We hear that
henceforth he 10 be known the G. o. T.. mean
ing a conservative old party. So be H. Republican
was capital name originally. AZ present how
ever it is a shade too fryolously associated with
such governments as China and the Hon Eugene
Noble Foss.
7
for that abusive word aesthetic" and, oh! the sad.
sad life IT has led! Started out hopefully. all
smiles and good intentions, only to wind up among
the unforgivables.
| Brethren, let us steel natures against the
| aesthetic" Let us scorn aesthetics" What have
we to do with these follies? Plain men and hard
headed. we don't know anything about art, but we
know what we like and where to get it.
Such obliging dealers! Comic furniture. freak
rugs sham pictures. art glass, blunderbuss wall
paper-all are ours at a sWlndIe' ana NOBODY "uBHs
| til we are safely out
| Just by avoiding the 'aesthetlc" we can make our
mansion in Lincoln, Neb. marvel OF beauty and
good taste. and when get to be Secretary OF
| State and 1.-The Worlds Works" photographer
comes along we can turn him loose in the house
without a tremor We'll. STR" say. conf
IDENTIFY. did you ever see anything like this?"
And with his hand his heart he will answer,
Heavens to Betsy, never did"
THE Kipling boom is busted" cried our Lady OF
Letters more than ten years ago. But what are
these cheers? Jubilatons by his publishers who are
selling more Kipling than before. Guess II was
pretty stupid mistake, when the First Lord OF the
Book Shelves had suggested r. X. for the Laureate
shin and his majesty laughed 1t off with That's
another Tory"
| Still there come rumbles and grumbles from the
Balkans where people live in one another's coun-
tries sadly mixed and without loving kindness So
we have put our mind 1t and discovered the path
TO peace Three simple rules will fetch II:
| l. Take out the people.
| q Sort them.
! g. Put them back.
And we notice that peace is still few and far be-
| tween In Mexico, where once more the boy
for the Job Nothing difficult about pacifyng Mex
leo II you go at 1t in the right way. Re-read the
above prescriptions for the Balkans, and you will
see how easily they be revised to suit these less
| irving conditions. Erase Rules and 3.
r. l.. II.