New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-07-10
AS | WAS SAYING

Always a ioval soul-you would know it by MS
picture-Presdent Meen nevertheless owes much 10
circumstances The jollier the occasion, the merrer
the man. At a coroners inquest he is magnificent
As an admirer puts it. he has been spreading MINI
self like a green bay horse" and think it no eX-
aegeration to call him the life of the wake For
instance:
Q.-How many vice-presidents have you?
Ask or maybe it is seven maybe five.
These little hilarities will cost him dear, however
Much as II tickes us to hear a railroad presiueH'
own up TO such refreshing Ignorance, we feel that
government ownership has been delayed far too long
They order these matters better in France. year
or so ago they asked the Grand Panjandrum OF the
Quest Etat how many employees he had "Ah, Mes
sieurs!" quoth he "may the devil hy away with me
If | can tell" Still he would investigate. week
later he reported: This cheers confreres, is one oil
those things no fellow can find out. VOLTA ranaire.
Such larks as President Lowell is having In bu-
rope, His fame had preceded him. and the best IN
the pantry is too good for the author Oh
"Biglow Papers" the segregaor of dangerous Fresh
men, the designer Of New Yorks enchanted cheese
box and the man who discovered that Mars is in
tested.
Do not disturb the Rev W. w. Bustard Genius
burns Every moment adds flower To next sun
DAYS nosegay. which. hear, will not content
itself with calling MI Rockelellcr mere Iose ou''
i'm the Lords garden
Az a source Of innocent merriment the telephone
is fast gaining in favor, thanks to representations
the new game. Try It!
Hello. That YOU sulzer? Well this is Murphy
Fly All is known.
"tIeIIo Theodore, what's that? Don't you know
Dear williams voice? Just wanted to say that
Mrs Taft and | will arrive by the eeven-thirty-sx
and stay till Monday"
Hello Lillian, This is Tom oh, guess you've
forgotten ! was Number Four"
Hello. Hawthorne, It's fine day; OUT"
And so il goes a perfect bouncing whIrl Of glee
Funny nobody invented 1t before!
We see by the papers that the wife OF an ustrious
humorst has sailed for Europe. and our first thought
was Gosh We don't blame herr" On reflection
however. We filled with admiration II Is toucn-
ing what wife will do to aid humorist in his
work. even Drawing the pers Of the deep to provide
him with the necessary gloom.
our dauntless Mayor has confessed himself never
satisfied with Tolstoy." and foresee quite car
niva of delighted wrath among the Tolstoyans, who
are a blustery race. happiest when mad. However.
we side with the Mayor. We think Tolstoy might
be pleasantly summed up In the phrase Mr. Dooley
so reyerently applied to Grover Cleveland: Indus
threes. but nawt very bright"
afforded us by Tostoys career. he had vast sue
cess in winning the applause OF IntelIectuals the
world over. and any who crave similar triumph
should consider the rules
l. BE a foreigner. Live ten thousand miles the
other side Of the jumping off place.
.. Have a title Of nobility.
.. Never shave Never comb your hair. Look like
a barbarian.
4. Disagree with the universe. Roast IT,
.. BE an idealist dreamer. preacher Of the i'm
possible. Then every Intellectual will feel proud as
he falls down and worshps but will not be tempted
to profane your gospel by trying to live it,
Isn't that Tolstoy? Most uncomfortable Of men,
he had the most comfortable Of followers.
Not. since 1901 have so few repentant thieves re-
turned their stealings to the government. Gracious!
a graft famine?
Many excited contributors to The Sewing Circle
are seeing their grandmohers "NOw you just re-
member grandma" they cry. Did she win
dow glass shirtYasts and split kits and nude stock
ings? Gaze upon her treasured daguerreotype. See
how modestly she arrayed"
Yes yes. In the gown she wore to hangings.
We favor eugenics. but think the little rascas are
being dreadfuly overworked. Last year the Biggs-
Ferncroft nuptals quite savagey frowned
upon, as it seemed a crime 10 perpeuate either the
Biggs nose or the Ferncroft At least the
experts declared, and we wish could afford cuts
To show how reasonable their case looked: Biggs
nose, a violent convex curve Ferncroft nose, curve
as violently concave. Indeed, ourself came near
joining the remonstrants, till it occurred to us that
synthesis might be positively beautiful and 50 1t
has turned out. on small Richard Augustus Jr, you
will see a nose as Grccan as his conversation.
Mr. G. n. Fowler author Of THE Knockers Club"
has arisen a great huff because Of critics, and is
talking back Says he skctched his knockers straight
from nature, and quoted them word for word, and
can bring living witnesses-ltookashoo. Isloo, and
the rest-to prove it, Steady, G. N! You mistake
reality for realism. The question is not Did the
thing happen" but "Will II go down.
There is Sir George w. Perkins, you know. lie
often happens. We watch him happening The pa
pers chronicle his every his faintest thought,
his lghtest word. But does he go down?
II. l.. n.
TOO MUCH TO EXPECT.
MI.