The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-03-26

tell YOU something. rIrSt. LII never
forgive you for this deadly insult; sec.
ond. I'll prove to you within twenty
minutes that you don't know as much
about human nature as that cat does
about playing the piano. Woman. I'm
going to bring you off that pedestal
with a thump"
didn't you ask me to tell YOU hon.
estly what | t~!"i"ht:" she uurried.
He Sets Out.
"Never You minu that. II! l.rnve that
town without Il heart. I'm -uin. Ia
put on Il suit of old clothes and walk
around the block and ash; three. or four
people for charity. You'll >+%. whether
my face and voice will give me away
MS a liar and deceiver."
Il wouldn't do such IL foolish thing
she protested. perhaps ! spoke a lit
tle"-
Yes. yea spoke a little.~ he inter.
rupted. You spoke enough to say that
everybody would take me for a liar,
and we are going to see about II. Don't
trouble yourself to get up. Just sit
right where you are and believe that
everybody else in the whole world but
you is a fraud. l have said that the
hearts Of thousands are open to q tale
of real misfortune. and now for proofs"
Mrs. Bowser wouldn't believe he
would put the matter to Il test. Tut ten
minutes later he came downstairs in
an old outfit C,,1 s1occ~l 1rk1onur vrl,-
rear view she caught of him was tramp
ish enough for any tramp. He was
pacing slowly around the block to get
his nerve up when he met Il benevolent
looking old man with a cane who was
on his way to prayer meeting and stop
ped him to pour out bis tale of woe.
He hadn't uttered a dozen words when
the cane was raised aloft. and the old
benevolent shouted:
You go on. you rascal. or III call the
police. | believe you are the man who
stole our w~heelbarrow yesterday"
He Receives a Shock.
Mr.. BOwser went on. His theory
about ~physiognomy and infections had
a shock. but he was not dis |
couraged. He stopped halfway around
the block and rang the basement bell |
Of a house. The cook answered it after |
minute. and he took pains that she
should see his face full in the light and |
that his infections were all right as he |
said he hadn't had anything to eat for
days.
You old fraud: I'll boiler for mas
er II you don't skip lively!" exclaim-
ID cook as he hoped for cold victuals.
but. my dear woman. can't you see
hat | am no tramp?" he sweetly
lueried. Cant you tell the differ
mo. MOI ! don't want tor she shout
q. IF you come here and yank this
'ell again. you'll wan wings to get
way"
That was shock number two. but Mr..
went six doors up the street
md called another cook to the door
md said:
II am an unfortunate man and not a
ramp. and may ] kindly ask
you can kindly take yourself off,"
he interrupted.
But l am hungry and have no place
lodge"
Then go to some charity. don't like
looks or your voice. Be Off with
Mr.. Bowser had found three cold
nd cruel hearts-hearts like Mrs.
but he determined to try
gam. He rang a front door bell this {
n it was the owner Of the !
ouse who appeared in answer and ex-
=
what! You cheeky old fraud. are F.,
on back againY
II am an unfortunate man." replied =
[r. Bowser. :
"Ill bet you are. But III get you a :
10 In Jail If you don't dust out of )
Away with you" y
but. my dear sir. can't you tell the q
IT,
He couldn't. He took Mr.. Bowser t
= the collar and ran him down the {
Eeps and out Of the gate, and he call ,
l him a fraud. a liar and a jailbird. =
i've minutes later Mrs. Bowser heard -
lie front door softly open. and she :.
'oked up to see Mr.. Bowser squeeze !.
lmself into the hall and sneak softly :
She waited a whole hour for '
to come down. but be did not ap. I
ear. Then she turned out the lights
nd went up to find him in bed and
lst asleep.