The San Francisco call., 1913-11-28
The
Seven Mistakes
OF Matri1nony
No. 7.
By DOROTHY DIX.

A PROFESSION.
all. and the one that sums all the
others up, consists in regarding sue
cess In marriage as an accident in
stead Of a premeditated result
The most mischievous idea that has
ever been promulgated is that mar
riage is lottery, in which everything
Is determined by blind chance. and
In which it Is mere matter of luck
whether you get desirable life part
ner or an undesirable one, or are
harpy or miserable.
Nothing on earth is further from
the truth than this. Nowhere else
does the inevitable logic of cause and
effect work out so relentlessly as in
the domestic relationship Nowhere
else do we so absolutely reap as we
sow as in the family circle, and, given
certain people and certain conditions,
II is just as demonstrable that a
marriage will work out wei. or badly
as 1t is that two and two make four.
The trouble with us is that we have
never vet elevated matrimony to the
dignity of profession. for which we
have thought 1t worth while to pre-
pare. That is why we fail in the
most important thing in life. No
bowling success as a surgeon or a
lawyer If he had never even contem-
plated seriously medicine or the law,
vet poor deluded woman marries
getting a first class husband. and he
himself has no doubt OF his qualifica-
tions on that score
A young woman who wants to be
arduous labor to fitting herself to
sing on the stage, but she does not
spend an hour preparing herself to
fill the far more difficult and COM
plicated role of a wife and mother.
A WRONG ASSUMPTION
People seem to think that knowl-
edge of how TO be good husbands and
wives comes by nature as Dogberry
thought the knowledge of how to
read and write did. Both assumptions
are equally false. 1t takes effort and
perspiration as we'll as inspiration to
succeed in any calling, and especially
the domestic calling.
Undoubtedly the matrimonial situa-
tion would be enormously eased II
men and women would begin married
life by thorough understanding OF
just the elementary things II every
woman knew how to keep house and
make a comfortable home when she
marries, instead of having to learn
her trade on her husband, and If every
man could be brought to realize be-
fore marriage just how much money
IL costs to support family. young
couple would start out with an in
finitely better chance for happiness
than they have where the wife gets
hysterical over her inability to cook
meal that isn't menace to life itself
and where the husband is in a perpet-
ual crouch when it dawns on him that
matrimony is conducted on cash
basis. instead of the hot air currency
of courtship.
The hope OF the future is for intel
ligent people TO regard marriage as a
profession that is worthy Of pro-
found study. and in which it is as
much a disgrace to fail as 1t is in the
practice OF any other profession.
A SECRET
1t is literally true that almost any
marriage could be made happy or at
least endurable, If either husband or
wife would pursue the method that
he or she would in trying to attain
success In any profession or business,
and all that would be necessary to do
this would be to use the same tactics
that are used in the practise Of busi-
ness or the professions.
Take the matter Of the husbands
and wife's relationship. That is merely
a partnership, and all that any mar
ried couple need to achieve ideal
happiness is just to rise to the point
where they can treat each other as
two men in business together do.
Find a husband and wife who work
together with the same interest in
view, who are climbing up together.
who share equally in the profits Of
their joint labor who talk things over
together and have an equal voice in
deciding things, yet who allow each
other in their individual capacity per-
sonal liberty, and you have got a
husband and wife whose domestic
felicity is strong enough to draw
money on at the bank.
Furthermore, man who has any
intelligence tries to get along with
the people with whom he deals II
he was always quarrelsng with his
partner he would know that the
house was bbund to come to disaster
He would be aware that If he did not
exercise tact and diplomacy toward
his clients that it was mere matter
of time until the sheriff sold him out.
Women know these things too, and
there is nobody who Is more long suf-
fering, and patient, and filled with
forbearance than the business or pro-
fessional woman who has to caj jole
the men above her in order to hoic
down her job.
JUST SUPPOSE
Suppose these men and women who
are so plausible and suave in order
to succeed In their business should
apply an equal amount OF diplomacy
at home; suppose these men and
women, who are so careful to side
step the little peculiarities of their
customers, would be as nimble in
| sidestepping the little peculiarities
of their husbands and wives, wouldn't
they make matrimony as great sue
cess as they do law, or medicine, or
the grocery business?
Yea, verify. We quarrel with those
with whom we live because we do
not think it worth while to keep the
peace. We say brutal things to them
because there is no money in our
pocket for being polite. We wound
them in their tender sensibilities be-
cause they can't get away from us,
anyway. We make marriage failure
because we are too ignorant and lazy
and careless to make it a success
And the shame is on our own heads
1t ought to be just as much a refiec-