The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1913-01-10
MOST COMPETENT CAT
BY ALEX sAYRE.

out of the window. oblivious of
Denkins.
If 1t is true that care killed cat"
muttered Denkins, then say bully
for care!"
By nature Denkins was not at all
ood.thirsty. He loved his fellow
men and had been known to buy
candy for babies, but he hated that
cat. II was in the first place, tramp
cat, the sort one would be ashamed
10 claim as a member OF ones family.
No amount OF cream and chops ever
could have made IL look like anything
else than a mongrel. The family had
intimated in every possible way to
the cat that It's presence was undesir-
able, but the animal remained OBJ
livious to all hints. Denkins was APP
palled to realize the force OF its
sheer persistency.
why, II I had one-tenth the per-
sistency OF that cat" he told callers
one evening, Il should now be push
ing Pierpont Morgan off the map or
should be president OF the United
States. That cat has simply made
up its mind to camp here and nothing
can prevent It. IF we lock II outdoors
IL claws open a basement window and
IL we lock the basement windows it
ascends the woodbine trellis and sits
on the bedroom window ledge and
yowls or else raises the screens and
comes in triumphantly. 1t approves
OF the butcher and grocer with whom
we trade and nothing else matters.
1t is truly an awful thing to be adopt
ed by cat!"
When the Denkins family decided
to be away for some weeks, Mrs.
Jenkins announced that the cat must
be killed. She said 1t was not human
to go away and leave 1t to starve
10 death, as 1t surely would, II neg
lected.
"Starve!" echoed Denkins, scorn-
fully. why, that cat. dropped on a
desert island composed entirely OF
lava rock and coral reefs and dyna-
mite. woxid root out living for 1t.
self"
II don't care" persisted his wife.
II wouldn't enjoy minute Of my
vacation FOR thinking about the poor
thing back here starving helplessly.
You've got to put II out of It's misery!"
Very WELL" agreed Denkins. And
that'll put me out Of mine. I will
chloroform It."
The next time Denkins had few
I. IL IL,
wash boiler, a sponge and bottle Of
chloroform and hypocritically called:
kitty, kitty! Nice kitty" Then
when the animal was trustingly with
in his grasp he deposited it in the
boiler with the deadly sponge. TO his
surprise the cat did not stay there,
but came out as he withdrew his arm.
lie barely caught the escaping ami
nal by the hind paw. 1t scratched
wildly.
"Here!" said Denkins severely
"You go back In there and stay!"
Then Denkins learned something.
The cover to a wash boiler is an in
flexible object and raising 1t enough
TO get his arm out meant raising all
one side of IL. That afforded room
for six cats to slip out II necessary.
He let his arm hang inside as he
meditated upon the situation and the
cat scuttied about Indignantly. Final
ly it planted its claws in Denkins'
bare wrist Denkins yelled and jerked
out his arm. The cat came, too, and
made a gray streak through the at
mosphere.
For two weeks after that whenever
Denkins appeared the cat at once
arose and with obvious dislike left
the room. The speed with which Il
left depended in some degrees upon
the speed with which Denkins pur-
sued. Usually the chase ended in the
cats leaping 10 the top Of the furnace,
where 1t was out OF reach There
its green eyes shone maliciously as it
would sit and wave it's tail and taunt
Denkins silently.
He could think OF nothing else ex-
cept killing that cat. So when he
walked into the living room and found
the cat curied up In a ball asleep IN
the very last chair he gasped with
the suddenness OF the thought that
came to him.
kitty" he said. at strikes me that
you would just about AT into a pail.
III see."
Tiptoeing to the kitchen. he got q
pail and the sponge and chloroform
and with the sponge inside the pail
he clapped II down over the cat and
sat upon It, 1t was not pleasant
performance. but Denkins was a des-
perate man. Finally he arose and re-
moving the pail, surveyed his work
Aha" said Denkins, with much
satisfaction. He removed the remains
to the back yard. deposited them in
a box, dug a hole and hastily buried
the cat. Then in celebration OF his
victory he took Mrs. Denkins to the
theater
Scarcely had they retired that night
when Mrs. Denkins shrieked: Look"
she cried, in strangled voice.
There on the window sill sat the
cat, gazing i'm reproachfully.
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