The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-10-01

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IAtt,e Stories That Have
Made Many smilea
Mrs. Flint always demanded instant
and unquestioning obedience from her
children. One afternoon a storm
came up and she sent her son John
to close the trap door leading to the
But. mother" said John.
John, l told YOU to shut the trap.
door,
Yes, but. mother"
john. shut that trap door,"
All right, mother, if you say SO,
but
John"
John slowly climbed the stairs and
shut the trap door. The storm howled
and ragged. Two hours later the fam
lily gathered for tea. When the meal
was half over Aunt Mary had not
appeared. and Mrs. Flint started an
investigation. She did not have to
ask many questions; John answered
the first one:
please, mother. she is up on the
roof"
A suburban minister during his dis
course one Sabbath morning said:
I'm each blade of grass there is a
sermon The following day n Of
his flock discovered the good man
pushing a lawn owe about his gar
den n paused to say: well, parson,
I'm glad to see you engaged in cutting
your ermon short
When President Nicholas Murray
Butler was at college certain fresh
men Of his time made no scruple Of
stealing a pail of milk which a dairy
man daily placed outside the door Of
Mr.. Buffers room while the occupant
was in class. In order to foil the boys
Mr.. Butler printed a sign in big let
tiers: II have poisoned this milk with
arsenic" Upon his return he found
the milk intact, hut added to the To-
tice were these words: 80 have we.'
A crowd of small boys was gath
cred about the entrance of a circus
Hampshire one day trying to get a
glimpse Of the interior. A mar stand
ing near watched them for a few
minutes. then walking up to the ticket
Itaker he said:
Let all these boys in, and count
them as they pass"
The man did as requested. and when
Ine ldSI one n31 gone ne turned and
said. "Twenty-eight."
Good said the man, 81 guessed
just right and walked off.
A doctor am up to a patient in an
insane asylum slapped him on the
back and said: We'll, old man. you're
all right: you can run along and write
your folks that you'll be back home
in two weeks as good as new" The
patient vent off gayly to write his let
ter. He had 1t finished and sealed.
but when he was licking the stamp it
slipped through his fingers to the floor.
lighted on h back Of a cockroach
that was passing and stuck. The pa
tent hadn't seen the cockroach-what
he did see was his escaped postage
stamp zigzagEing aimlessly across the
floor to the ~baseboard. wavering up
and over the Dashboard and following
a crooked track up the wall and across
the ceiling. In depressed silence he
tore up the letter and dropped the
pieces on the floor. 1.-TWO weeks" he
said. II won't be out of here in three
years"
Hemmandhaw's face wore a wor-
ried look.
I'm in trouble" he said. II don't
seem to be able to get up early in the
morning."
WHY don't you get yourself a nice
little alarm clock?" the head book
keeper suggested.
~ did; but 1 didn't hear the thing
when II went off"
Then why don't you get a big one?"
Il did that, too, and 1t made me
lose too much time"
Made you lose timer"
Eyes: 1t rang SO loudly that it
| a u-a knnna thu NAV in $ko ->. -.>-
and he beat me to the w-ashroom."
Levinsky. despairing of his life.
made an appointment with a famous
specialist. He vas surprised to find
fifteen or twenty people in the wait
After a few minutes he leaned over
to a gentleman near him and whisper
ed: Say. mine frient. this must be
a pretty goot doctor. amt he?"
zone of the best the gentleman
told him.
Levinsky seemed to be worrying
over something.
well. say" he whispered again. "he
must be pretty expensive. then. amt
he? Vat does he charger"
The stranger was annoyed at Levin
shortly: Fifty dollars for the first
consultation and s25 for each visit
thereafter"
mine Gott!" gasped Levinsky.
Fifty tollars the first time and TWEEN
ty-five tollars each time afterward!''
For several minutes he seemed UNI
decided whether to go or to wait.
"Cnd twenty-five toiiars each time
afterward," he kept muttering. Fin
ally, just as he was called into the
Office he was seized with a brilliant
inspiration: He rushed toward the
doctor with outstretched hands.
"Hello, DOCTOR he said. effusively.
We'll. here ! am again."