davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
SOME REFLECTIONS BY
A BACHELOR GIRL
Copyright. 1873. by Tn. Press Pub,iahinx Co.

ocopyreh by he
FARRIAGE like which every woman
wi looks foward wheh man dread IN which
body disappointed NTH wha he GETS but which nobody
pants to miss
dispels the mist of all theories and
dims the light of his most brilliant philosophy.
This the time of the when the sight Of the shop
every bachelor wsh he married. every married
wish he single.
changes much His aversion whsa
small boy equaled only by his hatred of dress suit
he gowS up.
The modern bachelor is afraid of falling
sprinkles Nth ashes instead roses
You always tell married BY the cautious which
he edges past the peusr counter that the deonsator wont
sprinkle him Nth any false evidence.
couples know happy together until they
have discovered how miserable they apart
Perhaps after ALL the Venus di Milo the
feminine endeapor to hold Heaven NTH hand and
NTH the other.
The movement girl safely married strange what delight
all her old flames take in coming round and bve telling her hon
"near they came to proposing. -. .ss -
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
THE CAUSES" AND THE COIN.

James Larkin, the strike leader of Dublin, is re-
ported planning ecturing visit to the United States
in the fraak effort to raise money to carry on his
fight.
Before that it was Mrs. Pankhurst. The Irish ma
tionalists have for many years drawn this country
for ammunition Arnold Bennett comes over to get
slice of our increment and the story goes that after
G. Bernard Shaw has refused often enough to get US
duly excited about seeing him, he will come and clean
up a neat fortune.
Glad we have it to spare when they need it; any
thing from heresses to lecture fees goes as grace
fully as can give. But with these things in mind
San Francisco exposition with such easy confidence
that we will not resent.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26

depend profits, dividends payrolls, and bread and
butter for millions to be crcumspect always, and,
when possible, sure. If they were not, they would
be- as managers and trustees q big affairs unfit and
dangerous. But the good pilot steers course in the
night as we'll as in the day, in storm no less than
in calm.
If the new tariff, were more unfavorable to the
industry and commerce of the United States than it
is, it would be the business of all of to overcome
its disadvantages could not escape the necessity
to make our livings somehow. If the new banking
and currency system promised greater disadvantages
than the old one-and it does not-we should still
have to 60 and hunt for the dollars under the
other-and we should, as before, find them
This race has fought great battles when they
had to be fought, and it has won every Single fight
1t is not to be presumed that this race could not fight
and win more, if or when they had to be fought. So
it would be objectionable to finch if deep trouble
and sore trial were in plain sight straight ahead
When they are not-and no man really does see or
has seen anything like dire things signs of things
it would be preposterous. -...,
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
BANKS INTO LINEI

Since the banks generally will 60 into the new
system of President Wilson's currency act it is well
for them to give notice to the Treasury at once From
the side of cold practice such expedition is of no
Importance. There will be plenty Of time to set up
the Government. machinery called for by the law and
required by the circumstances The banks as at pres
ent organized and operated are under no compulson
to revolutionze themselves overnight They can fall
into line at leisurely or swift pace they please
They have nothing to gain others by being first;
they will lose nothing by being last.
Sentiment, however, can cut a very considerable
figure in the everyday affairs of business life Blue
talk by one group makes blue talk by another group,
while cheerfulness spreads cheer Pessimism is in
fectious, but so is optimism.
This country has been overdosed witt. scare
tcik Some of it has been silly, some of it has been
very nearly criminal. With the economic readjust-
I1ents which have had to take place, it has been
wise tlias for men upon whose judgneut and action
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
MR.. UNDERWooD's PROPOSAL.

Oscar Underwood, leader of the House, proposes
a permanent adjustment of fiscal relations between
the District of Columbia and the Federal Govern
case. He declares that unless it is found that
new system is dictated by these considerations, the
old one should continue.
Just at this tirne the thing most needed is real
attention to the equities of this case Therehas been
too much of about everything ese Washin. .ton wants
neither lavish patron nor hostile critic in Con-
gress. 1t wants square deal, established on such
basis of assured permanency as will make it pos
sible for all the interests in the city, national and
local alike to rest secure in the realization that
program of rational development may be taken up
and carried forward.
In the long run, there is little danger that Con-
gess will turn Washington loose. The nation would
not permit it, even if Congress were willing to do
such thing. But it is important, not only that there
should be general confidence in this security but that
that confidence be established on solid foundation
as soon as possible.
To make Washington what the nation wishes III
to be made requires for many years the cooperation
Of the national and the local interests. That CO.
operation should be directed to the working out of
general plan and scheme. 1t may be varied from time
to time, but on the whole the plan must be in mind
as guide to both the Federal and the local activities
There can be no assurance of permanency until the
present unfortunate of dsputaton shall have been
ended by the crysallization of system demonstraby
sound and fair.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
CONTROL OF RADIUM.

The project to place the radium mines under
direct governmental control and to operate them
for gain but for the benefit of humanity, is one oi
the noblest that could be conceived. 1t is now be-
leved that radium in large quantities is the most
powerful curative agent known to science for the ter
rble scourge of cancer Its scope of usefulness is
limited, however, by the excessive difficulty and ex-
pense of production. concerted effort by the Gov
eminent and the nations wealtfiest to extract
the maximum amount of radium in the shortest pos
sble time and make it available in the great popu-
lation centers of the country for the treatment of
cancer cases, would be masterpiece Of philan-
thropy.
Meanwhile, the surgeons warning to cancer suf-
ferers must be repeated. To await the success of
this great project would death to those who are
just now developing cancer. Delay is cancers
strongest ally. The surgeon is the only hope of those
at present afflicted with the disease.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
SOME SHARP REMINDERS.

The enthusiasm with which the japanese masse:
have received Francisco de la Barra on his arrva
in the japanese capital as ambassador from the
Huerta government of Mexico, suggests the real sen
tinlents of the Japanese people toward America
The outbursts of interest in and friendship fol
Mexico of course will be regarded as merely refec
ton Of popular prejudice against the United States
No official countenance will be given to such view
but unoficialy there will be no misunderstanding.
1t is not bad thing to get occasionally glimpse
at ourselves as others see u.s. The Chilean demon.
strations of unfrendness on the occasion of Colonel
Roosevelts visit to their country provided another
such fash picture.
Chile, Mexico and Japan are all Pacific coas,
countries So are We. The least that seems reason.
able to note in this confection that the present is
poor time for retrogression in measures to main
tain our national security on that ocean
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
CHRISTMAS VACATION.

With his family, also with his surgeon, his private
stenographer, four Secret Service operatives and
some newspapermen, President Wilson has glided
away from Washington not to return until January
Is, the day after Congress reassembles
The final vote on the currency bill indicates that
various Senators had beaten him to It. But small,
wonder; never, perhaps, has Christmas holiday
been so looked forward to, the hope of it so regu-
larly dimmed and frightened, the question of it so
fraught with meaning to the country. The Presi-
dental, Senatorial, and Congressional vacation is
the nations. Some of US may be able to take only
Christmas Day off, few the weekend, very few
the conventional eight days But in spirit we will
all be with the Administration. If Huerta cuts loose
to disturb the calm of the next three weeks he will
not be lightly forgiven.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
DOING THINGS FOR THE INDIANS.

Commissioner Sells of the Indian Bureau pro-
poses thorough investigation of the relations oil
the Government and the spoilers to the Indians OF
the country. 1t is promised that the study will 20 ar
enough into the past to develop the truth about the
administration of the national usteeshp for the abo
rigines.
There will be found very grave difficulties in
reopening old Indian affairs The despoilers Of the
Indians for many years conducted their most import
ant operations in Washington Moral or otherwise
and their performances were largely otherwise-they
enjoyed all too generally the sanction and counte-
nance Of law. The laws were very frequently such
as should not have been passed. Many were in vio-
llton of treaties with the Indians. Many were in
effect legalizations of outrageous projects in loot
But they made the law of the land and in day
of quickened conscience it will be impossible to put
affairs back in the status they occupied before the
wrongs were done. The Indian eggs have been scram-
bed, and all the kings horses and all the kings men
will not unscramble them.
This is not by way of discouragement to the good
intentions and high hopes Of Commissioner Sells He
will get done very great deal of good. He is Of
the best administrative officers brought into the Gov
ernments business under the present Administration
He long time one of the most successful United
States district attorneys in the country and knows
Government procedure, we'll the law, very thor
oughly. He is not undertaking in blind enthusiasm
a task of which he knows nothing.
The greatest service to the Indians will be done,
in the wide swing of events, in helping them to free
themselves from Government supervision; in making
them good citizens exactly like other good citizens
People who know the West as too few enthusiasts in
behalf of Indian reform do know that there are many
thousands of splendid citizens of full and part Indian
blood, who operate good farms, live in excellent
houses, maintain and patronize public schools, and
are leading people in their communities There never
has been any race prejudice against the Indian. He
rather readily assmlates with the rest of the popu
lation.
To care we'll for what the Indian yet has left of
his wonderful estate, to help him to adjust himself
to the new relationship in which he will be most use
full to both himself and the community at large is the
thing that will best serve tho Indian. Commissioner
Sells makes clear that he has all this in mind, and
if he succeeds as we'll as his experience and abilities
should forecast, he will make his administration
bright spot in Indian history.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
The Wise Audience.

a S lecturer on his experiences,
~ Archibald Forbes was very
n popular. says the Pittsburgh
Chronicle-Telegraph. and he
was fond OF recounting an experience of
his debut in that capacity at Leven, Fife
shire. With a humping heart, the new
lecturer appeared at the hall door
shortly before the starting time. s
o'clock. and not wishing to push through
a great audience on his way to the plat
form. he asked the hallkeeper to con-
duct him to a side door.
"Ye medina mind replied that func-
tionary. not unkindly. there's no
crowd" 80.
When Forbes entered the hall he had
to admit that the keeper was quite cor
rect. There was not a single soul pres
ent After a bit, however, a man
strolled In and calmly proceeded to
choose a seat. 1t seems he was a COM
mercial traveller, putting up at the place
for the night. who had found time
hanging heavily on his hands. Nobody
else coming. Forbes said to his audi
ence:
"win you have the lecture or will you
have a drink" =.
"A drink" said the traveller.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
What's on the Roeram:n
Washington Today

Meetings, evening.
Royal Arch-Washington No. ..
Red Men-Logan Tribe, No. s; Sioux
Tribe, No. Is.
Knights of Pythias-Harmony No. q.
Amusements.
Will" and The TYRANNY
of Tears" S:l5 p. m.
Coiumbia-"The Conspiracy" 2:15 and
Be;aaco-"Tra.fc in Souls" 2 and 4. :
end p. m.
Poli's-'aThe Rosary" 2:15 and Sis D. m.
Cost of Living" 2:I5
and S:15 p. m.
KeIth's-Vaudevilie. Bis and Sis o. m.
Ccsnos-Vaudsvl.le, continuous.
Casino-Vaudeville. afternoon and eve
ring.
Gayety-Burlesaye. 2:l5 and Sis D. m.
evening.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
The Stranger.

A STRANGER knocked. ut mans
~ door and told him Of \ fortune
to be made. says the Atlanta
Um- said the man. 1T appears that
considerable effort will be inyo.yed.'
'Oh. yes" said the stranger, "you
VIII pass many sleepless nights ana
I'm" said the man. land who are
Il am called Opportunity"
Um," said the man, you call your
SELF Opportunity. sbut you look like
Hard Work to me-"
And he Slammed the door,
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
FEDERATION oF LABOR
MAKES ALLEGATIONS.

Allegations Of this nature are be-
ing made by the American Fedora
ton of Labor. A recent article sent
out officially by the American Fed
Grafton Of Labor contained such al
legations and .ntimations. Moreover.
1t was intimated that the movement
to hold down the appropriations for
the Department OF Labor to a r:iea-
ger point originated from Influences
: hostile to the Department as 1t is
being conducted by Secretary VIII
son.
1t will be recalled that last sum-
mer the Department OF Labor, In
the urgent deficiency bill, sought con-
siderable appropriations which for
the most part were turned down by
Congress. Neither the House Appro-
priatiops Committee, headed by
Chairman Fitzgerald. nor the Sem
ate committee. headed by Chairman
Martin, was willing to give anything
like what Secretary Wilson and his
aides asked. Now, the Department
Is asking liberal appropriations for
the next fiscal year. II remains to
be seen what Congress viii grant.
slow in voicing their suspicious tnat
there Is an attempt IN to cripple
the department by withholding need
ed funds.
The thing which is plain and which
admits Of no dispute, whether there
is an actual attempt to cripple the
Department Of Labor by withko DID
Wilson has succeeded in getting HIM
self made the target for no en.l of
attacks since he made his Seattle
speech.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
No Job for Him

THE spring had brought out the
usual crop Of listless wanderers,
u relates Harper's> Weekly.
Want help. do your said the
prosperous looking party who had been
applied 10 for assistance by one of
these. You're a husky looking beggar,
l must say. Why don't you worky'
My business amt. any good at dis
season." caid Dusty
What is your business?" said the
prosperous looking party.
I'm a professional .toboganist," said
Dusty.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
GOOD STORIES
Unreasonable.

a NAN entered store and bought
N three cigars and lighted one. :,
Ny. this u rotten cigar!"
he exclaimed.
Say. man. what are you complaining
about? replied the dealer. You nave
only three Of those cigars and I have
lO9 Be reasonable. kansas City
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
ONE WE FORGOT.

Dear Editor-Its queer how you
think of lot of bright things to say
when it is too late. What 1 wanted TO
remark was about the high cost of Iiy-
Ing. Even the mistletoe is going up.
OF course. ] realize that I should
have said this about a week ago. II
you print this just once I'll never ask
you again. DELINQUE Mt.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
THE RUBBER INDUSTRY.

Dear Editor-One fails to realize the
tremendous output of rubber in South
America, until one sees Senator Ollie
James In raincoat. Saw him last
evening, and his cravenette was the
only bright spot in an otherwise dull
Christmas CAPITOL HILL.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
Concert Today
BY the U. S. Soldiers Home Band
Orchestra, Stanley Hall, 1T
$3.50 p. m.

JOHN S. NJ. ZIMMERMANN.
Director.
March, "Colonel Petit. Zimmerman
Overture, "The Four Ages Of
Man ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS .Lachner
Moroccan. A Nightingale Sere-
made" Zimmerman
Selection, The Firefy".. .Friml
Two Popular Ditties:
(a) "Puppchen. Du bist meirl
Abendstern" ............ Gilbert
o. "In de- Nacht'. Gilbert
Excerpts from "Jacinta" .Robyn
Finale. THE Favorite Regi-
ment' .Ertl
THE Star-Spangled Banner"
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
A MINUS QUANTITY.

Have at last figured out what the ex-
change Of gifts mean.
The exchange means the change you
had In your jeans before you bought
that flock Of gifts.
See? Just the same as Ex-President,
or ex-ambassador.-
Exchange!
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
WHAT IS A PROPOSITION OR TWO
AMONG FRIENDS7

Dear Editor-I read that John Pur.
roy Mitchell was sworn in as mayor of
Now York. Heretofore, I had been un-
der the impression that all mayors Of
New York were sworn AT and not IN.
Sincerely Yours-Jacques H.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
KICKED BY AN ANGRY FISH.

New York policeman landed a ten
pound cod fish, He was holding 1t up
to admire 1t, when 1t suddenly walloped
the copper on the nose with its tail.
We knew that a New York policeman
would hold up anything. but not to ad-
mire 1t.
He was probably trying to squeeze"
It for some emulsion.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
HERE IS THE WAY IT SHOULD
READ.

Count that day lost, tohose io,o de-
scending rcfn,
Sees ETC., etc.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26

"SPUG" is the peculiar hydraulic
sound a pair Of Christmas rubbers make
when you gently drag them loose from
the moist, clinging embrace Of the seep-
ing, cement pavements
The Washington times., 1913-12-26

With q warning not to mistake the
paregoric or the Jamaica ginger for
the INK, we close this paragraph.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR.

We apologize to Officer $685. 1t was
supposed to read. Detective took
BRIDE" Not, Detective took BRIBE."
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
THE SILVER LINING
EDITED BY ARTHUR BAER.

Christmas comes but once q year.
After = day like yesterday, that's
some consolation.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
BUT WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY SUN
YESTERDAY

Count that doy lost, tohose lou de-
scendin0 sun,
Sees etc., etc.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
ANN MOVED.
OR A RUBBER PLANT.

DEAR EDITOR-Wouldn't a. conf
munity weeping willow tree been more
appropriate yesterday? B. B. B.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
Heard In the Senate,

Senator Stone: Il do not intend to
weary the Senate by going into the va
rious differences of opinion in regard to
this matter at this time" Will weary
the Senate later, evidently.
E 7.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
IN SPITE OF ALL OUR ADVICE.

Needles and pins,
Needles and pins,
When Christmas il over
The shopping begins.
Q. T.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
ANOTHER TYPOGRAPHICAL
ERROR

We can only apologize contritely to
Niss MARBLE. It should have read
The Washington times., 1913-12-26

Now that eggs are accepted as money
In Arkansaw. we can expect to hear of
somebody going out there with shad
roe and cornering the money market.
There will be some tall shooting, when
some mountaineer shoves an ostrich
egg over the counter and gets a hum
ming bird eggs In exchange.
The bad feature is that out in Ar
kansaw they bite money to find cut
whether II is bad or good coin.
You can picture the ensuing feud
when some gun toter bites an egg to
find out whether It is bad money, and
discovers the fact that 1t Is.
A hungry diner could pay three eggs
for a meal, and have his money served
up to him scrambled, or in an omelette
It would be hard to make change
with an egg that was only medium
boiled. ....
1t would be pretty soft to pay an
egg for a sherry and egg, and then
swallow the cash register. sherry, ard
all
Eh. What? ANN MOVED.
After silence Of two weeks, we were
afraid that Arm Noyed had ceased to
be annoyed. We are glad that Ann has
her batting eye.
THE EDITOR.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26

"stiliness on the part Of the audience'
Not 'fIlness.- - s-7...+s ss4- .szL =
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
WE SHOULD HAVE SAID THIS
SOONER TOO.

If the rain continues, there is TO rea-
son in the world why they should not
be known as stopping days"
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
ALPHABETICALLY CORRECT.

Christmas comes but once a year.
goes Just as regularly.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26

OF course. TRAFFIC IN SOLES'
would be a appropriate title for the
exchanging Of Christmas carpet slip
pers.
The applScant tor the Nobel prize,
whose claim tDas based on the fact that
he had Itved for skrty dogs on peanmts,
should get sirty more .days. Some
Judges are too Ienjent.
The Washington times., 1913-12-26
w. B. Wilson Is
Now the Chief
Storm Center Of
TheNeWCa Cabinet
By JOHN sxuRE.

Secretary OF Labor villa, q. VII
son has become the chief storno cen-
ter Of the Cabinet Of this Admins
tration.
1t has been Inevitable, s,nee the es-
tablishment OF the Depai iment Of
Labor. that II would become q sub
ject Of controversy: that, o the one
hand. the leaders Of the laLtr mose-
ment would seek to contro. ir. and
on the other hand that lie t,ppon-
ents Of organized laser would
make an effort to dominate IL No
body who has Kept tradk Of the
progress Of events as between capl-
tai and labor In this coentry could
have had any possible m.sconcep-
tions on this point.
Things have happened as might
have been anticipated. Secretary
Wilson is q union man. de worked
for years as q miner. He knows from
experience what the life of the man
who works for wages u. II Ia TO be
supposed that he will administer hts
department in the interes. Of labor
rather Than In the interest Of capi-
Ia. On the other hand. II ID not to
be supposed that anv man who at
Government In the interest Of labor.
Of organised labor, 10 go.De TO get
along without fight.
HARD TO FORETELL
WHERE FIGHT Will END.
Secretary Wilson has the fight on
his hands. Just where tn. difficulty
VIII end, one cannot foretell It VIII
depend in the last analysis on the
question whether the ADMINISTRATION
backs the head of the new depart
ment fully and freefy, II whether
1t does not That is. It WIN depend
on this 30 far as the immediate fu-
ture OF the Department o. Labor 10
concerned.
The remarkable charge II made
that sentiment IL being worked up
against Secretary Wilson and his
among big employers Of labor.
It IL further charged that this
process Of working up sentiment
against Secretary Wilson 10 likely to
go to the point of trying to force him
from the Cabinet
Not only this, but II Is intimated
that the engineers of this movement
against Secretary Wilson are the So
ca led cooper magnatcs' Of the up
p1k peninsula of Michigan. who are
now involved In strike with their
employees.
II Is alleged that the copper mag
nates'' are not alone in the move
mont AGAINST the Secretary Of the
new DEPARTMENT. but that they are
- -.
big employing influences in their sup
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-14
voluturno Still Afloa,

Lundon. oct. 1.-THE volntrno
was stili af.ont ON the afternoon Of
Sundny In latitude 40. north. long
itudr 33i3 west There IL appar-
entity II possibility OF the hulk yet
reaching land. The Ca,npania WA.
in her vicinity at u quarter past two
on October i:." says Captain Kos
tron. In a wireless dispatch to the
cunard company The derclIct WAS
then going southeast making abou,
n knot an hour. Her null appeared to
h. In good condition and likely To
float indefinitely. a careful search
was made by us for the missing boats.
The Lorraine. six hours later conin-
ned the search bu, did not see any
boats"