Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-01-21
BY WALT MASON.

1--WE just been reading a magazine ar
ticle which says that the worlds suppl,
Of rubber will soon be exhausted" re
marked the emaciated boarder ''Tha
seems to me a serious business
"It isn't as serious as 1t looks. how
ever" said the star boarder. when thu
rubber supply Is exhausted the patrons
Of moral family boarding houses Will
have to get along without turkey, bu,
something equally elastic will be found
to take its place. The magazines mae a
life work of finding things for the plain
people to worry over, but I refuse to be
troubled I am an optimist. my dear Mrs
Jiggers. I dance and sing and sound my
exuHant yawp over the roofs Of the
world. The magazine that can scare me
stiff Is yet to be Matched. II the rubber
supply plays out, invention will be etimu-
lated, that's all. Some worthy scientist
with head as long as the hatrack in the
hall will repair to his laboratory and pro-
duce substitute for rubber made Of corn
stalks and old newspapers. That's the
way things go.
when I was very small / used to hear
my father and other gray boards bewail.
ing the fact that all the whales were be-
ing killed off. They used to predict that
in fifty years the whale would be prac-
tically extinct Then what would the
plain people do for sperm oil and whale
bone and such things? Thousands OF peo-
pie used to worry over the problem, Mrs.
Jiggers. Newspapers and statesmen de-
bated it with omfnous gloom. The fifty
years have taken their flight, not hav-
ing been nailed down. and the prophecy
as to the whale is fulfilled. That inter-
esting creature is practically extinct and
the fishers don't bring in barrel of oil
where they used to bring in a shipload.
But does anybody at this table suffer for
sperm oil or whalebone? 1t is true that
sperm oil and whalebone might be an
improvement upon the roast beef and
gravy now before us. but there really is
no suffering. They make oil from other
things than whale now. and steel takes
the place OF bone and the goose hangs
high.
I'm those grand old days when I was
young lived in the effete east, where the
lands had been titled for many years, and
it was about exhausted. 1t took about an
acre of ground to raise enough potatoes
for supper. The horny-handed farmers
used to congregate in town Saturdays
and view with alarm. The land was
the countryside would be deserted. Again
their prophecies were fulfilled. and some
years later that part Of the country was
Swarming with abandoned farms and
given over to desolation. But scientists
began studying the merry business of
agriculture. and they found out how to
dope worn out land so it was as good as
new, and now those abandoned farms are
in demand and are beginning to blossom
as the rose. Thus We see. Mrs. Jiggers.
that "a prophecy may be fulfilled, and yet
not prove anything. And We also see
that 1t Is useless to worry over coming
calamities. So let us sing a merry round
clay and turn a few handsprings. and
publish our happiness to the world.
People who make a profession Of
gloom have been worrying for years over
the disappearance of the timber. The viz
gin forests are all being whacked up for
the manufacture OF wood pulp. Of which
comic supplements are composed. In a
few years. the pessimists say. there won't
be tree large enough to hang a ham,
mock from. What will the poor man do
then for a residence? He can't AFFORD to
build a house of marble or cut glass.
Must he live under a bridge? Again We
find the wind tempered to the shorn
lamb. Mrs. Jiggers. Just when. the tim
Der worry is at it's height we find that
cement houses can be constructed cheaply
and. when once built, they last forever.
In a few years lumber will be entirely
building a house Of that material will be
summoned before the alienists.
'I recall, Mrs. Jiggers. that you were
greatly worried couple of years ago be-
cause the coffee trust was alleged to
have formed a conspiracy to raise the
price out of sight. Just when things Were
at their darkest a tannery was eStab-
lshed couple of blocks away, and the
coffee trust ceased to worry You. No
conditions are ever desperate in this
world If a trace breaks We can always
find a piece Of wire to fix 1t. II your
house burns down. there's the insurance
So pass the scrambled prunes, please"