The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-07-13

ny JOHN ELFRETH WATKINS.

washington. " u.
@ HOULD all other thrills in life fall
- the persistent plant OF the freak
- letter writer would be sufficient
to furnish all OF tho interest that
mon In public life could desire. This
found after tour OF the govern
ment departments and the capitol: a
tour which revealed the fact that freak
correspondents demanding that
congressman and Cabinet offlc!als per-
form about everything performable.
from organizing a matrimonial bureau
to abolishing the army.
or course, the resident is the chief
victim OF these epistolary freaks: but
he rarely enjoys the pleasure OF perus-
Ing them. Patient Joseph Tumulty.
his man Friday. examines the White
House mail and carefully tucks away
those missivcs which bear the hall
mark OF fanaticism or foolish fancy.
Among the demands made upon the
President by correspondents has been
the abolition OF certain religions. the
Issue of life pension to a talented
individual who announces himself as
the inventor OF a principle for storing
electricity In the brain and the cxter
mination OF all insect life. There are
constantly floating into the White
House documents OF most i'm pressive
appearance. which when opened read
like the minutes Of the Imbeciles'
Club.
Although the President is tho shining
target OF the eccentric correspondent.
there are plenty OF others 10 share his
grief with him. There Is hardly a
prominent man in Congress who has
not at some time or other received a
letter which materially raised the hair
OF his Woodworking secretary and
caused the ONCE stcnographer TO claw
the air madly.
Gnilinycr's TnriH Adviser.
Senator Gallinger. Of New Hamp
shire. one Of the oldest OF our Solons
IN point Of age and service. has won
for himsclt a reputation for conserva
tism which he fondly believes to be
more or less national. This delusion
was bumped on the head sevcrai days
ago By letter from Confederate
veteran IN Georgia. AT least. the
writer signed himself 'Confederate
Veteran" and from the tone OF his
note there Is but little reason 10
doubt that no is ono OF tho most CON
frmcd unrcconstructionists that these
United states possess at the present
time.
Senator Gallinger is known as a Hrm
believer in n protective tariff. SO
imagine his grief and INDIGNATION,
when. the other day. he found upon
his desk note running like this:
Don't interfere with those fool
Democrats in their efforts TO change
the tnrin. Join with them In the
movement and let's all go 10 the devil
together low tariff Is just the
thing that will smash the South TO
pieces. and that Is what you North
erners want 10 do. So let the North
ern Democrats cut everything down
that our industries VIII be broken
up and our people ruined.
IL am Confederate veteran with a
war record never did much use
in all this argument We are putting
up at this time about the tariff. since
we're going II be ruined anyhow.
You are quite right In your stand win
the Northern Democrats 10 help ruin
the South
That last sentence caused the dig
niiied senior Senator from New lamp
shire a pang OF sorrow, but he did not
give way to tears
so don't ,et worry" concluded
the cheerful letter writer. Let US go
ahead and ruin the South with low
tariff We should all stand together
on this or We may fail That is the
game you Northcrners are playing
Would Copyright bible.
While Senator GallinSer was digest
Ing this pleasant little note Senator
Kern, OF Indiana, majority floor leader
OF the upper chamber. was also glanc-
ing through a missive, which caused
every individual whisker on his chin TO
bristlc with establishment. The letter
writer wanted to know why earth
the Senator hadn't ordered the world $
supply Of Bibles destroyed.
The letter read:
Hon Senator Kern. OF Indiana:
Dear Sir.,!
According TO the old Bible. all muir
Gers and horrors therein are attributed
To the word OF God. The shadow Of
that word has overshadowed the virtue
of all time. There has only been one
God ever since and forgiven OF sins.
When | was but a mere boy in my
teens was Respondent that such in
human ignorance could live 1000 years.
But yesterday was shocked to read
III the daily Chicago Examiner that tho
Chicago Book Fair stated that they
sell carloads OF Bibles TO volume Of
any other literature.
us there no way for the government
to stop such shame?
II have spent my LIES labor and
savings TO better such an insanity. but
the result is that I have 10 starve now
or live in the poorhouse. This Is good
enough for a Christian. but not for a
man.
Tho new Bible with It's moral les
sons and Justice to the almighty in
worth the price OF It's weight In gold.
II sell the copyright to the govern
ment for pension 80 can live the life
that nature allows me-"
Senator Kern considered this n mo-
ment then turned to Secretary Row
ers
What shall we say2" he asked.
Letter received and contents noted"