The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-11

Early n morning. on the second
day out. a terribly seaeick paesen-
ger, pale and hollow eyed, came out
of his stateroom and ran into a lady,
who was coming along the passage
way. clad in the. scantiest raiment.
She screamed and started to run.
Don't be alarmed" groaned the
man. Don't be alarmed, madame:
1 shall never live to tell it"
Mr.. Peet, a rather dihident man,
was unable to prevent himself from
being introduced one evening to a
fascinating young lady. who. mieun-
Outstanding his name, constantly ad-
dressed him as Mr.. Peters, much to
the gentleman's distress. Finally.
summoning courage. he bashfully but
earnestly demonstrated:
oh. don't call me Peters; call me
Peet!"
"Ah. but 1 don't know you we'll
enough. Mr.. Peters," said the young
lady. b%lushing, as she playfully with
drew behind her fan.
A story about King Edward lie
worth repeating. Just before the ILL
ness which caused the postponement
of the coronation he was racing down
one of the country roads in his motor
car at a speed which was beyond the
legal limit.
Hi! Hi" called a policeman. Stop
there, in the name of the law"
His majesty is said to have etack-
am the king!"
the reply: yer the third king wot's
come along this morning."
An old farmer in Missouri called
at a roadside public house. where he
was we'll known. The landlady asked
him t buy a ticket for a lottery they
had on there. :
We'll, he said. II have nothing in
my pocket or l might"
"Oh. that's all right. john" she
said: take the ticket and pay for it
any time"
Some time later John called again
and the landlady asked him II he
knsw who had won Nth the LOTTERY:
wen, / hardly burst tell YOU. but
our Sam won. Wasn't he lucky"
Yes" sail John, h was lucky.
And who won second, them"
II burst hardly tell you. Who would
you think now"
II couldn't say" said John.
Well. it. was our Sally. Wasn't
Anu VIII MdS IHlIu.
Well" she said. you would never
guess and 1 might as we'll tell. was
third. Wasn't 1 lueky?"
You were.' he said. Did 1 ever
pay you for that ticket, MISUSE"
NO. John. vol didn't" she said,
frowning Upon him.
Well" said John, "ain't I lucky?'
The temperance lecturer was get
ting enthusiastic and excited. "Yes!"
he shouted. alcohol has ruined u
country! 1t has slain its thousands,
and tens Of thousands, but when has
bright, clear water caused the death
OF any one 2" And then from the back
Of the hall q grum voice answered.:
When the n1an couldn't swim!"
A mother sent this somewhat satir-
zeal note to the teacher Of her small
son:
Pardon me for calling your atten-
ton to the fact that you have pulled
Johnnie's right a until it is getting
longer than the other. Please pull
his left ear for a while, and oblise
his mother"
A Scotsman was hired by a Che
shire farmer. At breakfast one of the
famous cheeses of the county wa set
before him. His master left the Scot
at the table and later. when he ap-
peared for work, said to him:
Sandy. you take a long time owe
breakfast"
'Troth. master" replied the Scot,
"a cheese o. that size il nae 80 soon
eaten as sc may think"
Patrick. did you steal Widow Ma
loney's pig. and II so what did you
do with it?"
KILLED 1t and ate it, your honor"
We'll. now, Patrick, when you are
brought face to face with Widow Ma
loney and her pig on judgment. day."
said the Judge. what account will you
be able to give of yourself when. the
widow accuses o Of s~tealing?"
Did you say the pig would be
there, your honor" asked Pat.
ITO be sure I did" -
Wen, then, III say. Mrs. M.loney,
there's. YOUR piR.'"