The Washington herald., 1913-12-18
Statesmen, Real and Near.
By FRED c. KELLY.

By FRED c. KELLY.
When Thomas Riley Marshall was still
a comparatively unknown lawyer out IN
Charlottesville, Ind, man dropped In
Indiana, a man dropped In one afternoon.
ostensibly for legal advice. but he WAS
really book agent In sheeps clothing.
He asked Marshall II II was necessary
to have a license to sell books. And
while Marshall was answering the ques-
ton. he suggested:
Il have a new book here that you
yourself will want"
mo. I never buy subscription books. !"
said Marshall Il find that I save
money in the long run By going to the
book stores"
"Ah. yes," murmured the agent, but
this book isn't in the stores yet It's
Just out. And it's going to be one of
the great books OF the year. Ny min
lister says he regards its as one Of the
best things out since the Bible"
What's the name OF it?' inquired
Marshall
THE Pilgrims Progress" the man re-
piled.
Representative Rouse, of Kentucky,
knows q man down in his district whose
wife is deaf. She Is deaf. but not dumb,
and talks great deal In loud con-
tralto voice. II any one else chances to
talk she can understand them by noting
the movements Of their lips, but this Is
seldom necessary as she does most OF
the talking herself.
One night she and her husband started
to drive home from town. distance OF
about seven miles, after dark. She start
ed in to talk and took up one dull sub
ject after another Her husband yelled
at her to stop. but she couldn't hear htrn.
and Il was too dark for her to see his
lips. He was driving q spirited team and
couldn't make signs TO her with MS
hands.
After they had proceeded about half
way home, the husband stopped az a
aroused the family ana asked
for the temporary loan Of lantern. he
lighted IL, held it up beside his face, so
that the light might have full play on
his lips, and shouted:
Clara, for the lands sake shut your
blamed mouth!
Senator Kern was telling the other day
about the narrow escape friend OF MS
had from getting killed. all owing to a
slight misunderstanding Of the Import OF
his language.
II seems that there used to be an Irish
hotel and soloonkeeper in Indianapolis
who was familiarly known as the king.
One day. the Kings" daughter got mar
ried. and after the actual wedding fes-
tivities were disposed Of her father gave
a little stag breakfast in honor Of the
event. There was much gay talk, and.
toward the last, some toasts. They pro-
posed toasts to the bride and everybody
else but the father, who was momentarily
So Senator Kern's friend
arose to remedy the oversight
Let US now drink a toast" said he,
ito the KING"
Whereupon an Irishman across the Ia
bic. without stopping TO think, leaped over
and knocked Kern's friend down and
jumped on him.
He thought the man referred to the
King OF England.
Those seated in a little Greek shoe
shining establishment here the other day
we're surprised. to note that a tall we'll
dressed. gloomy-looking man among the
customers was able toNconverse with the
sinner in the original Greek. You might
devote your life to having your shoes
shined each morning at a Greeks stand
without ever seeing a dignihed looking
exchanging small talk with the
proprietor. Usually the sinner can't talk
English and the customer is even farther
rom talking Greek. But in this instance
he customer talked Greek as uncon-
,ernedly as IL he always talked Just that
way. After he had gone some one asked
he SINNER who he was. The boy shook
his head. He did not know that his Gus
.omer was Mr. A. Vouros, the charge
1 affairs OF the Greek legation, and in the
ABSENCE Of the minister, the acting min
ster.
Almost any day when things are a
bit duh in the House of Congress, and
s. w. Beakes, Of Michi-
gan, is not within plain sight, he may
De located over in the genealogical sec
ion Of the Congressional Library.
Since he was nine years old Beakes has
been following up the subject of geneaI-
,sy with a view to ascertaining who some
II his ancestors were. At this writing
lie has trailed them back TO a point in
he sixteenth century, and is still bur-
owing. His searches have taken him
Imong kings and pirates and early-day
ientists and people in practically every
walk of life, but nothing deters him He
lesires to know his own family, and 1t
s his ultimate aim to get clear back
within striking distance Of Noah, II the
ecords hold out |
a great many weak-spirited persons |
ear to take up genealosy lest they fnd |
themselves related to a dressmaker's 5 |
husband, a Jack-the-strangler, or a man
vho made puns, away back in the dim
heretofore, but Beakes feels that a man
an take a chance on his folks averaging
ID fairly well. He finds that ancestors
ecome so numerous the farther back
ne goes that a mere murderer or two. II
ere and there is really not worth fret Il
Ing over.
copyright, 1918, by Fred C. Kelly. AL rights 70
serTed) III