davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22
II ROY =. 1loULUo0e.

The Eskimo.
I'd like to be an Eskimo and speak
In EskimeSe:
The life UP IA the frosen north, I'm
- sure Wou1A tpleAse. -. /.
The nights up there are. six months
long. Of them I'd never tire.
I'd be obliged just once q year to build
the kitchen fire.
"a give all my clothes and shoes
II could have Q nix month"; anooxe.
I'd like to be an Eskimo ana have no
tailor bills,
Tney simply wear q grixxly bear to
keep out all the chills.
They do not seem to worry IL their
trousers have no crease:
They have NO gallus buttons, for their
suits are In ono piece.
One OF these suits, 20 1t appears,
WIN last about three hundred years.
10 nks 70 be an Eskimo. It II 20
No book instalment agent ever gito
into their fold.
No bore comes round to poster one,
there II no doubt Of It.
And IL they do it isn't hard to pass
the icy mitt.
For ninety reasons that I know.
I'd Hike to be an Eskimo.
Dress.
We're amazed and dumbfounded and
somewhat astonished at freakish creations
in clothes: men wear high-water pants,
and We need but to glance to see women
exposing their hcse- A yard and IN inch
even less. In piqch-win make q grown
woman q dress; while ughtf1tting trousers
make 1t easy tor Towser to put . man
In deep Distress. Miss Slim and Miss Fat
~ are said to look natty astroIl through
the streets OF ~ town. wearing fourteen
inch g1rdlea, Ike mounts for the hurdles.
their lines running straight mp and down.
shirt waists strike US queer with the bulge
IN the rear. while men In tight coats look
a fright; but those neat little hats. with
the bows at the. backs, are, truly an in
teresting dghf. Toll me candidfy, friend.
when and where win II end7 WIN our
clothes be Ike Adams and Ewes? Who
race. Just simple crerAtions Of leaves.
Mistaken Identity. e6s.
Old man walking down the street.
Sec lady trim and neat
elit-skirt scanty.
Hat on slanty.
Dressed in style from head to feet.
See her do the Castle walk,
LoafeTs at the corner talk.
Some swell rigger.
Pipe tho figger.''
Autos slow up. Horses balk.
She must be some actorine.
Old man takes in all the scene.
Gee. some chtcken!"
His steps quicken
And he overtakes tho queen.
Recognition II complete
And 1t knocks him off his feet.
Peeves him badly.
He yells madly:
wife! Geo WIKI! Get off the street"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22
HVl10Q Or rue D/Y

"scribble says he writes all hi love
sonnets to Imaginary women" "And
don't suppose there would be any objec-
nets to imaginary editors."-Birminghann
Age-Herald.
Miss Jaggers dangling for q complimeut)
They say the plain girls are always re-
Igfous. Now. I'm not at all religious"
Mr. Fortnit (galAlnt1yI-''YeA, but there
are exceptions to al rules. you Know
Puck.
flies Brother-''Do you love my sister
Enie!" Enie's Steady COMPATIBILITY.
Willie. that i queer question. Why do
you want to known E6le's Brother
sshe said last night she would give Z doll
lar to know. and I'd IKE, to scoop Il in.'
Puck.
$50 you think that your election IL as
to my opponents one" replied the CONT.
dent candidate.-Bu6alo Express.
d. IA famous educator says everybody
ought to read . little poetrry every dav
Il agree with him. II more people WosaIA
read poetry every day. perhaps tliero
wouldn't be 20 many trying to wrfte it,
Birmingham Age-Horald.
what makes the trains on this road N.
ways late?" asked the passenger. Prob
ably the fact that the employees have t.
taste so much time answering need3e0n
questions" replied the weary conducfoe.S
Woo6e08t0o US0Ss
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22
UP TO TIE BUSINESS MAN.


Every successful business refutes the
claim Of the street corner orator that
labor produces all wealth." writes
Earle Welborn In Leslie's. Yet certain
specific businesses seem to more clear
ly than others prove his false premise
In an Ohio city there is probably the
best equipped factory for the produc-
ton Of small electrical apparatus that
exists in the world. It Is not the larg-
est, but it is no pigmy. covering as 1t
does some eight acres Of floor space
and employing several thousands OF
men, while in affiliated plants In other
cities fifty thousand men are employed
on work directly entering into the prod
uct of this concern. Probably nearly =
quarter of a million people live and en-
joy prosperity az a result Of this little
concerns activities.
Nothing unusual about that. you will
say. But wait: That concern has been
in existence only four years. It was
started on borrowed capital. Not q
man who now owns any part Of the
concern actually put up any great
amount Of cash. And the apparatus
which they manufacture was at it's be-
ginning the only apparatus Of its kind
in the world. That company, through
the brains of its chief. literally reached
out into scientific space and grasped
a hitherto unknown mechanism, made
it practical, made the people want 1t,
made motor car manufacturers buy it
in quantities that cost them millions OF
dollars!
Seeing this companys success. doz-
ems of competitors have sprung up else
where, some Of whom have been very
successful, inasmuch as the field is
broad. And every man who works for
these competitors really owes his job
to the man who invented the original
apparatus and to the mel around him
who created the demand. Isn't that
plain?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

A woman doesn't care to boss the
job. says the Oakland Blade. II she
can boss the boss
About the only time q man feels he
IL too old to learn. insists the Onaga
Herald, IL when he 10 too young to
know any better.
Some women are 20 systematic
that they would do the washing on
Monday IL the heavens fell. remarke
the Sedgwick Paragraph. Yes. or
make their husbands do 1t, amends the
Sterling Bulletin.
According to the Scranton 0asette. q
man who married six weeks after the
death Of his hrst wife, went out and
told q charivari crowd that it did not
look well to be making such q racket
80 soon after q funeral
Noting that Manila is to have an
ordinance compelling people TO appear
renee Journal-World insists that such
an ordinance in Lawrence would fill
the jail there in a short time.
Make your New Years resolutions
early. urges the South Kansas Tribune.
That will give you plenty Of time to
practice on them SO that you viii have
a pretty clear idea by January l which
OF them you want to keep.
When a man asks for your advice,
points out Dad Stewberry in the VAL
ley Falls Eastern Kansan, that's no
sign he wants you to tell him what
you think. He wants to be patted on
the back and told that he Is right.
From the huge volume Of advertis-
ing that has appeared in most Of the
Kansas newspapers during the past
few days. the weeklies az well as the
dailies, 1t IL certain that their proprie-
tors wouldn't care II Christmas came
once n month.
1t isn't much trouble to get good laws
enacted, points out the Peabody Herald,
and it continues: The trouble lies in
having citixens who are loyal enough
to obey such laws. We are all pretty
much anarchistic when a law conflicts
with some Of our habits.
Related by the Clay Center Times:
The question was asked recently OF
q bright Bible class in one Of the near
by Sunday achools-Concordia possibly:
How many. and what are, the versions
Of the Holy Bible" Back came the
answer in confidence and JUNCTION.
Eleven; the five foolish, the nve wise
and the Virgin Mary so
Observations by Mrs. PETER. in her
eureka Herald: II growls count. a
good many people live dogs' lives. :.
Lots OF us have good luck every day
in not getting what we deserve.
The strongest point in many folks
religion Is their strict Observance OF
the day Of rest. A broken prom
Use is one of the things which refuses
to be az good ~ new when mended.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

TFrom he Phfladelphia Recor

rFf0m he Philadelphia Reoord.1
Thrice blessed 10 he who can't rsmembee
the things he ought to forget.
The only man who doesn't mind d3aap-
podntmsnt 10 The man who sxpects moth
ing.
Many man poses ~ social HON wfu
would be q 1T subject for an anima1
trainer.
The days are shortest just before Christ
maa. but most people are shortest just
aftegWard.
A rabbits foot may bring luck, but the
hungry man would rather have the -
Of turkey.
The beat man In IN argument In gem
orally the man who says the least In M
most confusing manner.
WlG1LsJ fed that / am Just cut ont "a
Be 0eftle de<rox's husband" WaeH-ssroo
bad, Who cut you out?''
I'VE are never too old to learn" quoted
the Wis Guy. That's right" ansented
the Simple Mug. "A man never reaifaee
how Mtt1e he knovu TIN hfs small - -
ed Nn0uu6 - ~ 2noDe1ou8s
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

Unconscious humor II usually the
most enjoyable.
Promises lightly given are even more
lightly kept.
Spending money with good judgment
Is even harder than earning it.
.
Many Of the thoughts are not worth
the penny that IL often offered for
= . .
In this day Of grace. every person 10
fooled who thinks that he gets some
thing free
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

Presumably, the distinguished Of
ficers Of the army and the navy will
smoker in their sleeves at the general
''scolding'' that President Wilson pro-
poses to give them because OF the in
cident at the banquet of the Order of
the Carabao. And well they may.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22
FROM OTHER PENS
STANDING PAT ON THE GERMAN
CONSTITUTION,

The German political "crisis'' vaa
terminated by imperial concessions.
but certain questions remained to be
disposed Of in the reichstag. Would
the chancellor. Bethmann-Hoilwer.
find it prudent and expedient to con-
ciiiate that body by taking its vote
or censure seriously and promising to
sin no more? Would the reichstae
press its demand for his retirement?
Would it insist on constitutionsi
changes-formal or jhformai-estab-
i'sning the doctrine OF ministerial re.
sponsoi!ity to the representatives OF
the nation? These questions havo
now been answered by the event. The
socia! democrats proposed constitu-
tlonal changes OF the kind indicated.
put the powerful center party prompt
~ announced that 1t would not nun
port the demand and would not hoid
up the budget as a means Of extortin1
pouuca1 reforms. The center party
mas no love for the ministry. but Il
does not wish to make trouble foss
the empire" The chancellor stood
pat, treated the vote Of censure ''de-
nantly' not to say contemptuously.
ana protested against ATTEMPTED IN.
vasion or the kaiser's preroeativea
unoer the existing organic law. Thus
everytning In the larger political neld
% 20 remain unchanged. There is an
u ready to tight for ministerial re-
sponsibility and to force q general
election on that issue, The crc,,n-
tnat 1avor genuine parliamentary mia
must accept the situation ana wait =
niue longer. The spirit Of the age h
work Tor and with them. EVER
c,asn' every crisis. brings fundamenf-
Record-Herald.
BISHOP REsENTs NEW rsrnRpa,.r
estan aop Hn GnsT1s; H Brent Of the Prot
special committee in New York cdtS fo =
Inc purpose Of promoting his work sinonr
already sss sccomp the ssh H,
For instance. In one section families Who
were dwelling IN treetops three years sxo
villages. and are cutting their erass e T3fh
American lawnmoWers This certsiri,
Sc IKE 2 much closer approximation
lieved. The use OF American i"wn U1en ce-
IA cutting grass a. 4 result Of Christiai,
leminisscen see N ths sinsul.. s ana
t tai sar some year; ago that IS spend money
the sale Of goods in his export trSde
ameng the Inhabitants who had BEEN
f6ere sess siy ~ s7sFtousy spsakns
when their purpose Is con2sssedi Sts thst q
specified classes. It IL to be noted thai ~
No. % Church street. New York city the
same address a. that Of the Phiiippine
society in which are interested 4 eood
many capitalists whose wish Is UNDER
stood to be that Of pushing the sale OF
American products and promoting the IN
veetment Of American capital IN the
sharp separation between businesS and
philanthropy could be effected. each being
left to stand on its own basis.-The FIN
pino People
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

It may be worthy Of notice that those
Mexican generals who are fiockine
across the border delayed their coming
until the wheat crop had been har.
vested 49,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22
EVENING CHIT
By RUTH CAMERON.

Doing Christmas Shopping for Others.
There is never a rose without . thorn.
And even Christmas. that rose. among
days. sometimes has little prickly
places on its stem.
For instance, being obliged BY con-
straint or courtesy to assist In other
peoples Christmas shopping.
Shopping for other people II bad
enough even when it is only buying
aren't willing to spend the time and en-
ergy. but complications are SO sure to
develop. would you mind getting a
spool Of brown silk when you're down
town. says your neighbor. They
have it at rs" It sounds perfectly
particular shade. You try at two other
places with no better results. debate
at length whether to take the next
lighter or the next darker shade, and
finally decide on the latter. You carry
it home In fear and trembling and know
at once by the. expression on your
neighbours face and the nat tones Of
her voice as she assures you that 1t
will do nicely and that she Is much
obliged. that it won't do at all and that
she really thinks you might have
shown better JUDGMENT.
But II buying a spool Of silk to please
one person 10 hard. there ID no word in
the English language strong enough to
describe the dinlculty Of buying Christ
mas presents to suit three people
yourself, tho donor and the recipient.
II two out Of the three are satisfied,
the third IL sure not to be.
/ shall never forget one of my own
experiences In this line.
One year when ! had practically AL
my own Shopping done by December !,
it fell to my lot to buy Christmas pres
ents for one OF my relatives who was
unexpectedly unable to buy her own. I
know this woman ana her tastes quite
well, but do not know all her rela-
tives and their tastes, and by the time
I had finished the ticklish and thought
requiring task OF buying gifts for
grandmother Martin and sister-in-law
Grace and brother-in-law Edward. ETC.,
etc, (some OF whom have never even
metz, was far more tired than II
had done my own shopping three times
over.
The fact that you cannot have the
same elasticity in choice and~in price
IL another thing that makes Christmas
shopping for others very dimcult. IT
you. yourself. plan to buy a pair OF
fur lined gloves for 3 and, after look
ing in two or three shops, you flnd
nothing under n. you probably pay a.
But II you have been told by Some one
else to pay g you don't feel like spend
ing the extra dollar. at least not with
out consulting her. In the same way.
II you do not ind the particular article
which you pictured, you can pick out
something else which would do AZ well.
but the proxy shopper may not do this.
OF course there are many times when
II n absolutely necessary that Christ
mas shopping should be done by proxy
Sudden illness, chronic invalidism.
pressing business demands and numer<
Gus other possible contingencies make
II 30. And to resent or complain Of this
necessity would be to deny the spirit of
Christmas, 90 perhaps shouldn't have
written this. But this will say. any,
one for whom Christmas shopping II
done ought TO be very. very grateful.
for he has received generous Christi
mas ,nfff q time ana thought and en-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22
kAlExly CaaGlGEj(f
KAIsER,s lTorH BAL1, BILE,

KAISER'S MOTH Rail- BILL
On one occasion, when the kAioer'o
yacnt: the Ho0ennolleEn. was on the
British coast. the onacials stationed at
Fort Victoria to receive him sighted
nun through marine glasses standing
ON the bridge IN the uniform OF Ger
man general Great was their aston-
tsnment when. on landing barely 10
minutes later. he greeted them dressed
corted to his special train, wheSuin
ne disappeared for . few moments,
walking into the saloon In the uutform
OF the E1rst Royal Dragons. F1nd1ly
upon arriving in London, he stepped
on the train In the conventional froek
coat and top hat Of an English gont1o-
man. The keeping OF such an exteA-
sive wardrobe u somewhat Of . task.
1t IL said that for the four palaces II
and around Berlin 30 boxes Of naph-
thaline mothballs and - Of camphof
ana cedar shavings are required to re-
sist the depredations Of the moth.
When nearly 50 other palaces besides
In various parts Of his kingdom. IN al
OF which full sets OF uniforms are kept,
It can be imagined that the money
spent on moth deotroyers must run into
tidy little sum every year.-Coucord1a
KAnsan.
A POND ON EVERY FARM.
Water 10 the mainstay Of life with
out water life would become extinct.
All life depends ON food: without VA
ter there would be no food. It ~
quires thousand pounds Of water to
produce one pound Of food. Do wo
value It at its true WORTH Millions Of
tons OF water run to waste annually.
spreading death and destruction to
city and field alike - It foods tho fer.
uie valley. This loes could be miti-
steo. the waters were impouudsd
ana conserved. A pond to irrieats, to
supply water for tive stock, to pro-
vide hsh for the tablo and to temper
the heat OF summer, should bo con.
structed on every farm. II ponds were
plentiful dry seasons would be less mo-
ticeaole ana leU damaging. - pond
on every farm" should be the sloean
OF every tl1er OF the soil-Thomaa
Owen in the Kansas Farmer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

Most people will agree with Con-
gresham Campbell that the last thing
this country wants is q war with Mex
leo. but they will also be pleased If
Mr.. Campbell will explain just what
President Wilson's Mexican policy il
that he urges them to support.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

Mr.. Bryan undoubtedly will give
President Wilson all the assistance he
needs in shattering another remaining
precedent-that relating to nomination
for a second term.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

Another Of Secretary Bryan's ia
NOUS peace pacts has been negotiated.
this time between The Netherlands
and the United States. But there will
be more reason for rejoicing when
these treaties are entered into between
this country and such important pow
ers a. Great Britain. Germany. France.
Russia ana Japan.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

Senator Ashurst of Arizona has
earned the place at the head Of the
foolish class. He would spend $780,
900 of Uncle Sans good money to
build q barbed wire fence along the
Mexican border to check the incur
sions Of Mexicans into American ter
rStorv
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

That graft inquiry in New York ii
referred to as the "John Doe investi-
cation" But wouldn't John Dough. be
q better name for It?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

General Villa now seems to be as
important as any Of the frogs in the
Mexican puddle, and the chances are
that he win insist on having every
thing his own way, or refuse to play
in the game except on his own hook.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

II the "Spugs' wish to square
themselves. they will announce i'm
mediately what their attitude is to-
ward pink neckties purchased in dry
goods stores
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

One of the predictions Is that eggs
will be cheaper after Christmas. But
who is going to have any money to
buy eggs after Christmas?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

The Mexican congress has approved
all the acts Of President Huerta
which includes. Of course, his getting
drunk on champagne.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

Secretary Daniels probably could
further increase the efficiency Of the
navy by compelling its football team
to use wig-wag signals.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

Wall street brokers. one day last
week. averaged only $1.40 in commits
sions. At that rate some of them will
eventually be compelled to 90 to work.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

If, as Mr.. Mellen says. mo man is
worth more than $4,000 a year."
how much was he worth when he was
president of the New Haven railroad.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

Senator Til1man says he drinks a
gallon of hot water every day. The
time was when he reserved the hot
water for other people.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

4ho STATE Journal II Q member Of the
Associated PfeAo ana receives the full day
telegraph report Of that great news NJ
0na19At1on Tor the exclubive Afternoon
6q1l1catien In Topeka
~ building Ovup wires fer tAis sole puS-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

Here's q most unusual kettle OF fish.
This years All-America football team
- picked BY Walter Camp contains but
enc Yale player.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

The carabao. or water buffalo. is
fond Of water. but that facts suggests
no reason for naming an order Of
army officers after it. s4sfsk
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

At that. King Menelik's deaths are
oAly slightly less tnnumerable than
sarah Bernhardt's positively farewell
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-12-22

what shall We do for gasoline p
osts the New York Outlook. Perhaps q
second mortgage will work.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1913-06-11
WALES.

The Ten Ten Club met with Mrs.
Annie Thompson, Tuesday afternoon.
Refreshments of ice cream and cake
were served
William Ham is visiting his sister,
Mrs Frances Becker
Miss Sarah Cushman of Lisbon is the
guest of her aunt, Mrs. Lucy Jenkins.
Mrs. Stella Ham and children have
spent the past week with her parents
Mr. and Mrs Ingraham Videto.
Miss Ruth Webster entertained eight
tables at whist. Saturday evening. Miss
BESSIE Anderson had the highest score
and Winfield Dixon next.
Mrs. Mary Ham will go to her broth
ers Charles Moulton at Orr's Island
soon, for a few weeks.
Miss Fayer of New York is visiting
Miss Ruth Webster.
Several town people went to Lewis
ton, Saturday to witness the parade of
Einsling Brothers circus.
Mr.. and Mrs. Linwood Bubier and
son, Chester. of Monmouth were the
Sunday guests of Jesse Austin and
family.
Mr.. and Mrs Milan Frost of Auburn
called on relatives in town. Sunday.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1913-06-11

son, without any logs being left back
on account of low water, as is usually
the case.
There are initial plans to have tel
cphone placed in the High school build
ing. This is the custom prevailing in
NEST of the large towns and is of great
convenience. not only to parents and
pupils hut to the teachers and officials
Of the school.
There were frosts in Skowhegan.
Monday night, though no serious dam
age was done.
John Newsome was fined 50 and costs
ia the municipal court, Monday. for
drunkenness. His arrest was made by
Policeman Dulac after NewSome had
fallen through the big plate glass win
dow of Reynolds barber shop, Satur-
day night.
Sheriff Frank Thompson went to
Rockwood on official business, Tues
day.
The latest marriage recorded at the
town clerks Office is that of Ralph p.
Goodrich Of Bingham and Alice M
Pushway Of Skowhegan. The groom is
a clerk in Bingham, son of $. 7. Good
rich.