El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-12-27

SAT the lady of the house in?' in
quired the stranger with the
vaIise.
1.-THE lady of the house replied
Curfew. lis in. I may say, without
violating a confidence, that she's all
in. The lady of the house has a black
eye and a sick headache and is
stretched upon a couch of suffering,
and when she is not delirious she in
sists that hereafter he will keep a
kettle of boiling water on the stove.
the whole year round, in order that
she may serve agents the welcome
they deserve.
Because of her dealings with agents
the lady of the house has endured
much travail and bitterness of spirit.
In most cases she declines to deal
with them, but now and then they
catch her when she is off her guard,
as you might say, and then results al
ways are disahtTOuS- 1 do not refer
to her weakness with scOrn, for I have
fallen into similar pitfalls time ana
again, and have had my whiskers and
hair burned off by various healing
compounds, and my face notified by
complexion washes, and my in
sides practically ruined by remedies for
rheumatism and Indigestion Every
man has his moments of weakness and
indecisiOn, and admit that the agents
get me every now and then.
"A few days ago the lady of the
house was grinding up some meat for
the purpose Of making some hash,
dish of which am passiOnately fond,
She had an old fashioned meat grinder
os the kind YOU see in every hardware
store. 1t was one of safe and sane
grinders which any lady con control.
True, the handle was hard to turn,
and its operations were painfully
slow. but it was a machine that never
M an
easiness. While she was thus en-
plOyed an agent came to the door and
offered to sell her his new patent meat
grinder, which he described as the
greatest labor saving device Of the
century.
This remarkable machine was oper-
ated by springs. You wound il up
with a handle. like a photograph. and
then it would run itself for half an
hour, and all you had to do was to
feed the meat into it and look pleas
ant The price was 50, but, in order
to introduce his triumphant machine,
the agent was willing to allow SO for
our old grinder. As the old one cost
only $1-12 when 1t was new, Mrs. Cur
Few, VINO IS the lady Of the house.
could not fail to recognize this oppor-
tunity to clear a handsome profit. So
the trade was made right there, my
dear sir. The agent went away with
the old grinder and 81, and the lady
Of the house screwed the new grinder
ONO Lue klLCnen IaQles ana wound II Up
and began feeding meat into it.
While thus engaged, and marvel
ing over the giant strides Of science
and invention, the handle of the ma
chine flew back and hit her in the
eye with 20 horse power vehemence. I
was in the stable at the time, and
when 7 heard her well 7 thought for a
moment the indians had left their
reservation and attacked our humble
home, intent upon rapine and murder.
Her call for assistance sounded like
the warhoop of whole tribe of Mo
hicans.
At reached the house in three jumps
and carried the lady of the house to
her bOudOir, where she has been ever
since, and where she probably will re-
main until she can exhibit her eye in
public without EN- barrassment.
That is why, sir. you see me wear
ing a calico apron. That is WHY nv
Whiskers are full of potato peeIings
and why ] smell Of dishwater. I am
doing the housekeeping here until the