davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04
Here S Mem Way to
Put Lid on Speeders

Every time they find man speeding the
Officer making the arrest should be au-
thorized to puncture two of the tires and
compel the owner of the machine to fix
them himself That, to my mind, would
come pretty nearly preventing the speed
ometer from trying to slap the radiator
in the face"
That would be little severe. All
parties are not Joy Rides.
Il know that better than you do
there's no mistaking Joy Ride
How do you tell the difference be-
tween a party and JOY rider
Its simple enough. Any time you
find more gasoline in the party than there
is in the tank, it's Joy Ride
What do you think they ought to do
to man who drives a machine when he
is intoxicated"
"He ought to be made to eat the glass
front"
But he would cut himself and prob
ably bleed to DEATH
.In that case they could arrest him for
murder. Nothing pleases me more than
to see nice machine carefully driven,
but the longer I yodel on this corner the
more | wonder why the supervisors con-
fined the muzzle ordinance to dogs
II understand some of the 1914 Mod
els have arrived
These automobile fellows are getting
like Magazine publishers. If you want
to get next years car, you have to go
two years ahead to do it. I wouldn't be
bit surprised to see them trading in
1917 cars during the Fair year"
what is the improvement in one
eyar's Model over another? They all
look alike to me"
"Well, they're not there's big differ
ence this year. Some fellow back in De-
troit invented an entirely new shade of
yellow, and they tell me it has made
great boom in the business"
The electric lighting system is new,
so they tell me-"
Another Cylinder for
Each NeD Panic
And I'll tell you that it isn't. 1t was
always there. It's only recently, how
ever, that the Manufactures has confided
to the owner where the switch is.'
Il heard fellow the other day, who
knows a good deal about automobiles.
make the statement that the self-starting
idea was new"
Il don't care how much he knew
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04

Most wonaen look nell IN an automobile.
starve to death. He's successful man,
my friend, the Contractor, just through
giving such minor details as this his
personal attention"
Il get pretty much discouraged
sometimes myself, but | suppose after
all in our little way we are of some use,
although | can't help believing l was
born for bigger things
Never get discontented, Corporal
and if you ever do, take consolation in
the old Latin proverb which means in
our language that it's better to be a
tail-light at night than headlight dur
ing the day"
Great Ceasar What was that"
THAT was motorcycle. Corporal,
if they ever pass law allowing me to
shoot those things every time they bark
out loud I'll promise you to get the limit
by sunrise
Il don't like them myself, but they're
great educatorS-you see lot OF the
country with them
THE only time you ever see any
landscapes with one of those things is
when you're fixing puncture."
Il don't know; they cover lot OF
ground
sThey do not-they don't even cast
shadow
well, in any event they're poor
mans machine
They are that-no matter how rich
he is.
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04
Think OF the time you can save .

Think of the time you can save.
From the way most of them drive
around this town, they're not saving
time-they're spending it, and about two
thirds of em ought to be serving it. Put
the average man at the wheel of an auto
mobile, and he Immediately gets the idea
that he's been elected by Popular Vote
to act as grand marshal in the parade of
the City's traffic. According to his idea
he ought to lead everything that's going
the same way he is; and if it isn't he
figures they are merely countermarching
in his honor.
It's surprising the number of them
they sell. Look at that Red one just 60
ing by-No 176, 76,420-that's some car"
1t is, Ell? Corporal, when you have
stood in one place as long as have and
looked them over as often you will rea-
lie you can't always tell the horsepower
OF a machine from its number"
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04

facturers took EN- in, took one cylinder
out of each car, and by the time money
was easier, launched the two cylinder
machine
we have financial depression they add
a cylinder
I'm not stating that as fact, but I've
noticed lot of Companies are adding
cylinders to the cars they are making, and
they've never served notice on me that
their plant has increased in anything like
that proportion
Mem Auto Like
Horse Rcshod
'On that basis then every time man
purchases. new machine he buys part
OF his old car over again? ?"
That's the way it looks to me- It's
about the same thing as sending horse
to be shod, he's new model when you
get him back, but he's the same horse
Il notice lot of the new machines
have left hand drive. What is the ad-
vantage of that?'
Il don't think there's any. But the
right hand drive was getting SO simple
that they had to penalize the driver some
way"
well, it must have some advan-
tages AS / understand the matter it
makes it easier to get out of the machine.
IF that's so ! take back what said
about it's being penalty, and am per-
fectly willing to admit it's an advantage"
People must put lot of money into
machines
DO you mean when they buy them,
or after they get them?"
Il mean when they buy them 1t
doesn't cost much to run EN-, does it 90
1T costs SO much to run them, that
even when they are standing still the
expense gets out and walks ahead so as
so keep in condition"
Il thought guarantee went with
every machinc?'
1t does-part way. 1t seems they
sell you the machine, but they only lend
you the guarantee"
First Cost Only
Initiation Fee
"How long does guarantee actually
last?"
Until you get out Of the demonstrate
ing car and into the one you've just
bought"
These automobile Agents must do an
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04

that these same Police Judges didn't send
lot more of them any place, and | don't
blame 'en. It's hardly fair to ride with
man one night, and then put him where
you'll know just where to find him the
next morning The system of furnishing
speeders is all wrong anyhow
Whats wron1 =@out it Z" ii .haSS
- xf1&10NSn
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04

speciality of women and children. never
knew man yet who had to ride a
SPAWN for living who didn't nurse a
Secret ambition to drive car and see
how many persons he could hit without
bending the mud guards.
We'll, wouldn't mind owning car;
they're certainly a great convenience.
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04

the time, so gave the matter good deal
of thought, and finally perfected feed !.
bag that was wonder. 1t had every
thing in the world to recommend it. 1t
was clean, sanitary and you couldn't get
the oats out of it any other way except
by.way of the thorax route. / sent it
to Washington and applied for pat
ent"
did you ever get it"
Il did, and the very day | got it
saw my first motor truck
What OF it,"
what of it? My nosebag was to
hold oats, not gasoline"
What did you do with your pat
ent?''
'"I gave it to friend OF mine who
had big job IN Mexico
"What kind of job?'
"A contract to feed lot of Mexican
laborers on a. -cocoanut plantation
"What use did he have for feed
bag?"
We're Al of Same
Use to the World
s'He made the Natives eat out of it;
they're shiftless lot, and he told me
they'd either have to learn economy or
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04
More attention to Varnish
Than to Warning Horn

Well, I'll say this for that fellow any
how, he's careful driver; just listen to
the noise that horn makes I'll tell you
if it wasn't for the horns there'd be
good many more accidents. A horn de-
serves lot of credit
And I'll tell you if it wasn't for the
rubber bulb at the other end they might
just as we'll fill the horn up with paper
orchids for all the noise that would come
out of it."
Wonder why they don't have electric
horns on all the machines?"
1T would be a useless expense. The
average Manufacturer pays more atten-
ton to the varnish he puts on the outside
than he does to the mechanism he puts
on the in. It's all right enough to have
an electric horn, but if every time you
blow it your magnetic chokes to death,
it's economy in the long run to leave the
electricity where it will do the most
good
The man who invented automobiles
certainly had a great head
I'll agree with you there, and I've
always regretted that the law didn't COM
pei at least as much brains at the steer
ing wheel as it concealed under the
hood"
System of Furnishing
Speeders Al Wrong
Some of these drivers are awfully
careless"
That's what | used to think, but I've
outgrown it; take it from me it isn't
carelessness; they do it on purpose
Why I've seen EN- beat it up Market
street as if there was fire, and nobody
in town knew where hydrant was but
the driver, and then spend Is minutes
trying to convey the impression to some
Pouter Pigeon that the machine was
empty"
They're not doing SO much of that
now. I've noticed some of the Police
Judges have sent few of these fellows
to jail
Eyes, and you've probably noticed
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04

enormous business, they're always on the
jump"
Il guess they must, but at that Cor
poral, you can't always tell how busy
man is from the number Of pencils he
wears
IF these machines are so expensive
to operate, why do SO many business
houses use then?"
Cant get along without 'em. Just like
having to stay down town to dinner with
a customer, they're commercial neces-
.sity'
How much does medium priced car
cost, complete
You can't buy EN- complete When
you pay for your car that's only the
initiation fee, then come the dues
What do the dues consist of?
Dues Consist Of
the accessories
"Extras-In fact everything you saw
in the 'Ad' that made you want to buy
the car you finally bought without get
ting them
They don't amount to much do
they?'
Amount to much?-Say, Corporal, if
you go the route on extras, the number
of screws necessary to put them properly
in place will practically ruin your original
purchase If had machine I'd rather
take chance in collision than leave it
in front of any automobile supply house
without guard and sign:
Private Property;
No trespassing.
i suppose any man can learn to run
a machine?'
Il suppose So"
But every time | see a woman at
the wheel, have sort of feeling that
her heart isn't in her work"
There's no reason in the world why
that should be-"
'On the contrary, there's every reason
in the world why it is
why is it, then -
Because if she has the latest thing
in hats they're uncomfortable to drive in,
and if she is blessed with small foot and
we'll turned ankle they are both at work
down by the clutch, SO between her not
being able to wear the one and show the
other, she's unhappy and her mind is pre-
occupied"
THAT doesn't prevent her having
good figure does it?"
Final Beauty Test
Is IN Limousine
mo, but if she has that combined
with the other two, you will find her in
the tonneau and a Chauffeur at the
wheel"
Most women look we'll in an auto
mobile"
They do that, but the final test is
when they are in limousine. I don't
think any man ought to be compelled to
raise his hat to a woman who doesn't
look well in a limousine"
What about electrics?'
"As member of the traffic squad. |
have just about as much right to waste
my time OH electrics as / would have to
hold the whole street up in order to
give kid on velocipede the right of
way. Any time an electric can get all
the way across the street on its own
power, I'll never stop it,
II don't believe they ever would have
had traffic squad if it hadn't been for
these motor trucks. What do you think
of them?"
Il hate every spoke in their wheels. If
1t hadn't been for these motor trucks, I'd
have been a rich man, and would have had
plenty of time on my hands to ride up
and down Market Street in my touring
car and make fun of you
Hon Auto Truck
Wrecked His Chance
"Is that fact? You talk like one of
the boss draymen. What did motor
trucks ever do to your
cts sad story but here If is Re-
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04
f[:ygS !
IaQfS1sSko |
W. @fs -
Every time they find a man speeding. the
officer mailing the arrest should be authorized
10 pmncture tpo of the tires and compel the
opner 10 fix them himself

1--WE been," mumbled the Traffic
Cop, inhaling the smoke OF a pass
ing motor, Il say I've been to
specialist about my throat
Whats the decision" sneezed the
Corporal, who was just that much nearer
the machine than the Cop, Are you go
ing to live?'
Il guess can if | want to, but I've
nearly got to die to do it,
What did the specialist do to you'"
''He hasn't done it yet, but it hurts to
think even of what he wants to do"
What does he want to dos"
"He told ME yesterday if had to
stand here all day and consume automo-
bile smoke, he would either have to take
my tonsils out or put carburetor in
what is he-a doctor or a mechani-
cian?"
II couldn't tell from his tool kit, but
guess he's little of both. In any event
whatever he did to me, he did without
getting under the machine or soiling his
clothes
"And what was the result?"
"He discovered that my intake valve
was long on consumption, but shy on ad-
justment, so he's going to get at me
some"
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04
When Doctor Beats
Undertaken to Patient

OHuCf LuICI W uuCHl
'Where is he going to send you-to
q hospital or machine shop?"
Il asked him that very question my
self, and he told me | could take my
choice. He had tried both places but
had found the hospital much cheaper"
'He owns machine then-does he?"
"He sure does-they must be great
thing for doctors.
"And undertakers, why--before the new
traffic regulations good live undertaken,
one of the kind who would dress in black
anyhow. would get a man to the ceme-
terry in Peerless before the doctor, on
his way to see if it was all right for the
man who was riding in the Peerless to
go out for an hour or two, could get his
REQ to the top of the first hill. Any time
a doctor beats an undertaken to a job
these days it's because the patient was
riding with the doctor at the time
"But suppose the doctor has the Peer
less and the undertaken has the REQ,
:what them"
well, that doesn't happen, to begin
with. If doctor bought big car every
patient who ever paid bill would con
slider he owned part of, want the doctor
to take his family out riding on Sunday,
and otherwise try to work out some of
the money he paid. Even you will see
that it's impossible for an undertaken
to be bothered along these same lines;
automobiles certainly have turned condi-
tions topsy turvey."
Can't Tell Horse Power
By Number on Car
ITO say nothing of an occasional pc
destrian"
"If had my way I'd
You'd own machine, and make
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04
| HlN|ER |
| Xgle|(|! :
OkwA.&eB 3

Il never knep traffic cop Dho didn't nurse
secret ambition 10 dripe car and see hoD
many persons he could hit piihout bending The
mud guards.
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-04

According to my way of thinking
it's farce. The average automobile
owner doesn't care any more about pay
ing fine than you do about taking one in
dark alley and as for sending man to
jail for few days, if the case is as bad
as that, the chances are the whole party
t1> cl
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-08-05
white SOX TAKE
THEIR Third DEFEAT
Lose to Ackley Team in That City by
Score of 2 to GA Fine
Game.

The White Sox took their third
defeat Friday when they lost to
the fast Ackley team in that place
by score of to 0. The game was
fast and furious, but few men fan
ming, and only two or three errors
being made by either side. Three
hits on each side were made but
the three by the White Sox were not
punched and they could not score.
Hughes, who pitched for Ackley,
proved to be an exceptionally fast
pitcher and as far as pitching hon
ors were concerned he and Richards
fought it out about even. The reg
ular White Sox lineup was in the
game and although every man play
ed fast ball, no scores could be
made
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-08-05
Honor President.

The Women's Foreign Missionary
society of the M. Z. church met in
regular session Friday afternoon
at the church and a profitable meet
ing was enjoyed. with Mrs. Jas KEEP
hart leader, and the topic for the
lesson-"Trees of the Bible" A
large attendance made the meeting
particularly interesting and at the
conclusion of the regular business
meeting. the guests We're invited to
the basement of the church. where
delectable two-course tea was serv-
ed by the officers of the society. At
the conclusion of the repast, Mrs. P.
w. Hearn called the assembly to Or
der and in a few words OF apprecia-
ton, on behalf of the ladies present,
rendered to Mrs. G. F. Tucker, who
has been president of the missionary
society for five years, solid silver
serving spoon, Mrs. Tucker respond
ing feelingiy with short talk,
bringing to close a most delight
ful occasion.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-08-05
A Musical Family.

The following is an exact copy OF
letter received by a young lady
who wished to spend holiday in a
small country town, and advertised
for room: Dear Miss-We think
we kin suite you with room and
bord, if you prefer to be where there
is musick l play the fiddell, my
wife the origin, my dotter julie the
akordion, my dotter Maray the Ban
go, my son Hen the gittar, my son
Jim the foot and hornet, and my
son Glenn the base drum, while all
of us signs hims, in which we would
be glad to have you take part, both
vocal and instrumental, if you play
on anything. We play by ear. an
when we all git started there is real
musck in the air. Let us know If
you want to come here and bord.'
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-08-05
AUTO BACKS
Down HILL
Bert Ross and Some Friends Of Will
Jams Have Hair-Raising
Experience in This
= City.
ON BIG HILL IN PARK ADDITION
Car Goes Down Hill Turning Turtle
and Throwing Occupants Out
Nobody Hurt.

Bert Ross of Williams, and three
friends who were riding with him
in his automobile Friday morn
ing, came near being the victims OF
fatal accident. Mr.. Ross and
friends had been in this city on bust
ness and were returning home and
had reached the top of the big east
hill in park addition, when the
driver killed the engine and the car
commenced to back down the hill at
a rapid pace, the brakes refusing to
work. By the time the bottom OF
the hill had been reached, the car
was going SO fast that Mr.. Ross
could not keep it in the road and
it went over the grade into a ditch,
throwing the occupants out and the
car turning turtle. Luckily no one
was injured and the car was only
damaged very little, the steering
device being bent in some manner.
This hill is the worst, being the
steepest, in or around this city, as
at the bottom of it the road is very
narrow and flanked on both sides by
deep bitches, and in cases such as
this it was certainly great luck on
the part of the autoists that nobody
was killed. This road is used con-
! 4 L ;rx
is the second accident Of the kind
upon this hill in the past year, no
one being hurt, however, in either
case.
Mr.. Ross secured the services of
team and was hauled out of the
ditch and, after slight repairs to his
machine, was able to make his way
home.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-08-05
Iowa's Greatest Race Meet.

The pre- miums in the Speed Depart
ment at the Iowa State Fair this
year held at Des Moines August goth
to 2Sth amount to $15.700, which Is
the largest amount ever offered for
the Iowa State Fair races. With
such liberal premiums offered there
has been an unusually fast bunch Of
horses entered for this years con-
test Especially is there notable
number OF Iowa horses.
A new feature in this years con-
test will. be the team races with the
team hitched to four wheeled, rub
Der tired vehicle While there have
been exhibitions OF racing teams at
the State Fair Grounds before the
team races this year will be the frs
of the kind ever held on the state fai,
track
The steel and cement amphitheatei
at the Iowa State Fair is one Of the
most comfortable places on the
grounds. There Is always splendid
breeze and no matter how hot the day
the visitor may keep comfortable in
the amphitheater. Each seat CON-
mands a splendid view of the race
course. 1t is needless to say the
grandstand Is one of the most popu-
lar places during the progress Of the
fair
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-08-05
A Camping Expedition.

What promises to be very fine
camping trip is that planned by five
Webster City young ladies and a
couple of non-residents. The young
people from here are the Misses
Genevieve Brown, Rosalind Cook,
Edna Moore, Margaret Chamberlin,
and Gladys Mauch. They left this
morning for Mount Vernon, at
which place they will be joined by
Miss Wilheimina Yerger, who re-
Gently visited in this city at the
Cook home, and her aunt, Miss Gou-
dy, who will act as chaperone to the
campers. The party have rented a
cabin some six miles from Mount
Vernon, along the natural and beau.
tiful palisades on the Cedar river
and will spend week enjoying
camp life.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-08-05
social Affairs
PHILETHEA SURPRISE.

A number of the members of the
Philethea Sunday school class of the
Baptist church, OF which Mrs. w. J..
Zitterell is teacher, carried out a
complete surprise Friday evening
on one of their former teachers, Mrs.
c. A. Long of Chicago, who is a
guest at the George J. Mauch home.
The young ladies met at the litter
ell home and proceeded to the Mauch
residence on First street, where they
spent the evening with their for
mer teacher, recounting their exper-
fences, ETC., since her removal from
their midst six years ago, and enjoy
ing a very pleasant time. Delicious
were also served dur
ing the evening.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-08-05
same box were all intact and aside
from temporary inconvenience as
to starter and lights, no damage was
Specimens on Display.

The National Sewer Pipe Company
have a display of the new tile they
are making and some photographs
of the plant in the show window at
Buster Browns. The tile are ten
and twelve inch and certainly fine
specimens, without doubt being
equal to any tile on the market. The
give an exact idea of
the inside of the plant and people
who have not had the opportunity
Of visiting the new concern will do
well to see these photos.
The officials of the sewer pipe
company state that IS per cent of
the first kiln burned was perfect,
establishing not only good record
for the management, but also show
ing the perfection of the kilns.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-08-05
THE FIRST NATIONAL
Will GIVE PRIZES
500 for the Short Course Next
Winter and 500 for the Best
Acre of Corn.

The First National Bank have an
nounced that they will place 500
in prizes in the corn contests at the
short course to be held in this city
next winter. They will also give
next year $1OO in prizes to the best
acres OF corn. This is quite help
to the short course, as there should
be considerable strife among the en-
ergetic farmers OF this vicinity to
profit by this offer. 1t will no doubt
help create more enthusiasm in the
short course and If more Of the bust
ness houses of this city would fol-
low this example and offer substan-
tial prizes, Webster City could have
vne of the gerry best courses il,
the state.