The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-11-21

HIS Latest Compound wm Uplift the
World.

Beware of imitators.
have the strawberry mark ON my
I carry the huc.kleberry mark on
my nose.
have the initials up. J." branded on
the back of my neck.
Look for these marks when q man
comes along and claims to be me SELL
1ne my remedies.
There are base impostors In tho
land. have 1t on best authority that
certain exsenators are travelling
about under my name and selling
the public spurious remedies. Be on
your guard. The list OF my remedies
Pilgrim Joe's Alleviator.
Pilgrim Joe's Alternative.
Pilgrim Joe's Anti-Suicide.
Pilgrim Joe's BoW-Legged Cure.
Pilgrim Joe's Consumption Knock
Pilgrim Joe's One Minute Catarrh
Pilgrim Joe's Anti-Divorce Com
pound.
Pilgrim Joe's Memory Restorer.
Pilgrim Joe's Matrimony Ehcour-
ager.
Pilgrim Joe's Cherubim Salve.
now bring out and add to the list
Pilgrim Joe's Poetry Fertilizers dis
covery that liz bound to revolutionize
the entire world.
Surgical science has revealed the
fact that every human being Is born
with what Ii called the poetic bug in
his or her brain. If nothing is dono
he wastes away and you are as likely
to become a junk man or SCRUB
woman as anything else. II he Is Ter
tilted he grows and expands and you
turn to poetry and acquire fame ana
riches.
what has puzzled the world is to
md the right kind of fertilizer.
Let me explain EUREKA" which
means have got it by the neck at last.
It IL a white powder put up In tin
boxes and sold at Is cents box
1t has been tested by the inspectors
of the pure food and drugs law and
found to contain neither soft soap nor
coal clinkers. 1t will not freeze In
winter nor explode in summer. II the
cat gets at it, it is good for the cat.
II the baby swallows the box he gets
busy at a poem half an lour later.
I have not solicited any testimonials.
but they are pouring in by the thou
sands from a grateful public. A Mrs.
Woolhull of some street or other IN
Cleveland or other city, took only two
doses before she found herself compos-
Ing the following:
1.-THE night is dark-the ght Is sad,
It's one to gice me pain;
For well know that hubby dear
Will come home drunk again."
Mr.. Charles Savage. an old man u
years old, of Colorado, or somewhere
around there, characterized the Poetry
Bug Fertilizer as an unmitigated fraud.
He was, however, induced by his chill
dren to buy and try a box and after
the second dose he sat on the fence
and wrote:
"Oh, Wilder Bliss. in love I've fell,
Let's set the wedding day;
I'm u, but yet frisk
Like lambkin out at play"
1t happened that the Widow Bliss
had also bought a box. and it was at
ter the third dose that She answered
the old man:
"Your poem here before me lies,
And this is my reply:
Before I'd wed fool like you
I'd pisen take and die!"
Up to a few days ago. Mrs. Honore.
of North America, was a scrubist in
skyscraper and obliged to bend the
knee to a janitor who has an enlarged
liver. To sass him back meant to lose
her Job, and she had a husband to feed
and provide with drink and money to
bet on the races. Going home from her
paper on the street. 1t contained my
advertisement. She read it and walked
in the nearest drug store and asked:
els it any good?"
1--WE just taken a dose myself" re-
piled the druggist.
"And is the bug workin'?''
Yes, he's beginning to kick
'"Then gimme box and let him kick
for mel"
AS she was old and tough, it took five
doses to get her bug to gamboling. and
then she laid aside her scrubbing
brush and picked up her pencil and
wrote:
mo more I'll scrub-no more I'll mop
No more the world shall frown;
I'll be a poetess, b'gobs-
And they can't keep me down."
And they couldn't. The Barnum &
Bailey circus now have her on the road
in a cage at $50 a week, and her hus-
band never enjoyed himself as now.
He can drop $40 per week on the horses
and never turn a hair.
Miss Mildred James is a maiden
lady 40 years old living at Cook City,
North Pole. She ordered a box by
wireless and had it sent on by aero
plane. Five minutes after the box was
in her hands she had downed a dose.
Two more followed at intervals Of 10
minutes. The poetry bug stood on
his hind legs and paved the air and
the maiden seized her frozen pen and
wrote:
"Oh. where is my knight SO bold and
true?
Oh, where is my brave chevalier?
Oh, where is the lover to ask for my
heart,
And wed me within the year?
eff brave, bold Cook should come
again
To eQuint at his big North Pole:
I pray him find my knight SO true
And ease my troubled soul"