The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-05-30
ABatch of Smiles

An old German farmer entered the
office of a wholesale druggist one
morning and addressed the proprietor:
Mister Becker, I hat der schmall-
"Merciful heavens. Mr.. Jacobs!" ex-
claimed Becker as the Office force
scrambled over each other in their
hurry to get out, don't come any
nearer"
"vot's der madden NIT you fellers,
anyhow" quietly replied Jacobs. az
say I hat der schmall pox Of butter
out In mine wagon, vot der Mrs. Beck
er ortered las week already."-Na.
tional Food Magazine.
A certain well-known scientist in
Washington was left in charge of his
family of small children, as his wife
expected to be absent some hours.
Upon her return in the early evening
she found the house unusually quiet.
and wished to know what had become
of the children.
The husband explained that as they
had been rather noisy he himself had
put them to bed without waiting for
her return.
81 hope they gave you no trouble
she said.
NO" replied the scientist, with the
exception Of the one in the cot there.
He objected a good deal to my IN
dressing him and putting him to bed"
The wife went to inspect the cot.
"Why," she exclaimed, that's little
Sammy from next door,"
When the United States fleet entered
Asiatic waters during the famous
round-the-world voyage a small cruis-
err was sent ahead to a Chinese port
upon official business connected with
the cruise. Upon arrival the ships
officers were invited to dine by a Chi
nese mandarin. and during the meal
one of the officers wished a second
helping of a certain vory dish which
he supposed was duck. Not knowing
a, word Of Chinese, he therefore ex-
tended his empty plate, remarking
with smiling approval:
"Quack! quack! quack!"
But the officers appetite failed him
suddenly as his host, with a twinkle
Of slant Celestial eyes. shook his head
with simple but horrifying RESPONSE:
Bow! wow! wow"'-Harper's Mag
azine.
Not long ago three scientific gentle
men from an eastern institution visit
ed a certain Montana mine. One Of the
men was evidently Of a tenn.
permanent and on the ascent by means
of the usual bucket he perceived signs
of weakness in the rope by which the
bucket was suspended.
"How often" inquired he of the at
tendant, when the party was about
half way up, chow often do you
change these ropes?"
ooh, about every three months"
carelessly replied the attendant. Then
he added. thoughtfully: we'll change
thic oOa tom 0rroW. IF We OFT mn ga fp.
ly."
A small boy was sitting. OF his faith
er's knee watching his mother as she
painfully went through the very deli
cate operation of doing her hair in
that most becoming wave. effect.
"No waves for you, pa" said the In
FAINT philosopher as he fondly polish
ed his parents bald head. You're all
beach."-National Food Magazine.
A certain representative OF Georgia
says that when he was judge Of his
county court a fellow was before him
charged with having stolen a pair of
pantaloons-they call them "britches''
in Georgia.. There were several wit
nesses. but the evidence was rather
meagre and the accused was acquitted.
He was told that he could go. but he
remained in his seat. His lawyer. to
whose successful defense he owed his
liberty. limited to him that he wal free
to depart. but he didn't bulge.
81 don't want to co." said the fell
low.
"And why?" asked the lawyer.
LET the witnesses go first"
"Why?"
Why. sir. I've got on the 'britches'
I stole"