The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1913-02-02

ready "A dlSEOTQ IN IHe DaDQ was SA-
planned by the inability of the neo-
phytes to agree on a marching tune;
one demanding the only tune he knew.
"A Hot Time in the Old Town To-
night and the other wanting Keller's
Hymn of Peace
The Grand Panjandrum,' explain
ed that "S-P-P-S" meant "Stand-pat
Progressive Society," The symbol of
the ballot box with coffin and schol
ar's cap below it meant, ''the ballot
box is the one peaceful bludgeon in
the hands Of the people," He who is
stricken by it may either crawl into
his political coffin and die at once. or
prolong life a little by going to teach
at university"
A non-descript, double-ended animal
with moose head at one end and an
elephants at the other, replaced the
time honored goat, that both candi
dates should be able to ride at once.
When it broke down under their COM
bined weight, Theodore defiantly de-
clared that though he, couldn't run
the darn thing, by Godfrey. 1 smashed
it," while William backed himself
against the world for good loser. In
the struggle the wigs and false mus
taches becoming displaced, revealed
the features of the two new candidates
for admission to the club, John f.
Monk of the St. Paul Dispatch and
John P. Gavit, of the New York Even
ing Post.
Bryan Whole Cabinet.
Next, President elect Wilson was
discovered conducting his first cabinet
council on the lines of a faculty meet
ing and calling upon a member for
his, thesis" 1t soon appeared that
all the cabinet officers from the sec
rotary of state to the attorney general
bore the features of William J. Bryan.
There We're nine in all, around the
cabinet board.
Where is my cabinet" queried the
president
HE will soon be here" replied the
secretary.
He? You mean they For that err
ror of grammar you viii translate five
extra pages of Homer" retorted Mr..
Wilson.
Reminded that he had never before
attended cabinet meeting Secretary
of State Bryan admitted that he had
not, but added, 81 have made three at
tempts at it, Secretary of the Treas
ury Bryan declared he had not had a
financial idea since 1896. Secretary Of
War Bryan declared he was not Mr..
Wilson's secretary of war, but his own
secretary, that he was not in Mr. Will
sons cabinet. but it was his cabinet
Secretary of the Navy Bryan favored
no more battleships, until Lincoln
Neb., became seaport. Attorney Cen
eral Bryan, residuary Iegatee of 400
incompleted trust prosecutions, de-
clared his trust policy to be, ito bust
those we can't trust, and trust those
we can't bust" and explained that
when a trust was reorganized, nthe
small stockholders lose theirs quicker
The real trouble began when Presi-
dent Wilson undertook to frame his
message. as the Bryan cabinet insisted
on relieving him. Many good topics
were declared to be reserved for four
years, such as Philippine Independ-
ence. Government Ownership of Tele-
graph, Penny Postage, etc. But the
cabinet agreed that for present consid-
Grafton it might take up the protection
of the fur seal; the abolition of the
Turkey Trot at Inaugural balls, Civil
Service reform and the rule of "the
people" And as the cabinet meeting
broke up, each member left in the
presidents hand a little memorandum
to this effect:
The thing to bear down on hard is
one-four year term for the president
of the United States
Searching For a Mascot
Miss Democracy came to the dinner
/ in search OF mascot, which afforded
the musical members of the Gridiron
club an opportunity to revive the COM
ic opera of that name as a vehicle for
a parody on the political situation
Thomas Jefferson's shade returning Il
earth to ascertain how the Party
Great which he fathered, had improv-
ed, undertook to assist the maid in her
search, and the result was a flood Of
mascots.
First came Miss Tariff Reform
with toy sheep, described by Jeffer
son as schedule K" which though
just now lamb. soon would be mad.
a goat. Sang Miss Tariff:
81 feel quite apprehensive.
THAT before I'm reduced.
Someone with taste expensive,
''will mark me for a boost"
| Other mascots came in order: Miss
flllplno IH0epeHoeuCe, MISS InNeS'
/ tigation," who believed the natioT
needed watching: Initiative and Mis-.
Riff referendum" who that thinks
/ right side up at present, should bt
turned up side down." Last and mos
impressive was Professor Higher Ed
ucation" on a tricycle.. who with Mis-:
Democracy sang the famous "Gobbl'
Duet" the refrain running:
"ofice," once "ofice."
Bah" etc.