davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
Impossible.

THERE was a stupid play present.
ed early in the season, an
adaptation" It was called by
the, author. Even the best ma
tured critics went away IN disgust Ons
newspaper representative turned TO an
other and said: IF that tumble had
been presented on the other side of the
present I wonder that It wasn't"
1T really is a wonder" was this
others response. II would like to have
h'ssed myself. but you can't yawn and
hiss at the same time. me."-Metropolitan
Magazine.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
RS. S. (meeting her spouse at
n the door)-For goodness sake.
VI what have you got there'
Henry You do bring home

RS. S. Injecting ner spouse at
N III the door)-For goodness sake
V what have you got there.
Henry? You do bring home
the funniest shaped bundles!
Mr.. S. (beamingly)-I blew you.
bought an electric fan today.
Mrs. Swell. the idea. Isn't that
lovely Will you put it up right away
Henry? H.
MIR. S.-Aw. not before have my din
ner. , MI,
we can have it going while we're eat
ing and pretend we're in restaurant.
Come on, Henry.
Mr.. :, (hesitating a biD Well. er. |
don't know how TO srlnC up the thlhS
exactly. I'll have to study the direc-
Mrs. s palavering)-Oh. it won't take
Won long. You're naturally so meChan-
iCal anyway. And while you re reading
them I'll save time BY bringing In the
wash rag and WasnlhS Your race anu
Mr. $. Neutrality-suspicious. Removes
the last paperl There you are. Isn't
she beaut? Nothing snide. eh?
Mrs 5. docking hard)-Oh. ism I that
one of those Oscillating ones?
Mr.. S.-No.
Mrs. :. Cdisappointedly)-Oh. why
didn't you get one of those? They make
lots more breeze.
MIR s. Gndignantly)-They do not.
They give you draught for a quarter
of a second and then just when you're
getting ready to breathe it in they
switch, and you irritate yourself to a
temperature of 1O4 waiting for II to
come around again.
Mrs. S. ,gingerlyD-It isn't a very
pretty fan. is It?
Mr. 8. with disgustl-Pretty, Who
ever said an electric fan was pretty"
Mrs s (slOwlyD-Where did you buy
it. Henry?
Mr. s Cersely)-At a fire sale.
Mrs s (Crescendo)-At a fire sale?
Then there's something the matter with
it, It's damaged.
Mr. S Cpeevishly)-Say. I'm hungry.
want my dinner. I'll monkey with this
thing altar I've satAh
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
THIS& THAT
MN .Sorrettssss a L,s1Ie OF the OfAer
THE INEVITABLE.

When rain is required by the farmers,
When all of the country is dry
Then men. in dismay. meet and anx-
iously pray
That water be sent from on high.
And though that's good enough
method.
I say. with no semblance OF Jest:
| earnestly claim to acconpIish the
same
BY having suit of mine pressed.
CLIFFORD T. wYNDoTT.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
THE SPORT ROOM.

The jewels stolen from Narragansett
Per, says a dispatch from that point,
are being sought In New York, Bos-
ton. and other cities where big tran
sactions in precious stones are not un-
common. This move" continues the
story. ''is taken to indicate a belief that
the thieves have left town with their
booty" And on top OF that Mrs. John
]. Hanan declares that the detectives
are as big a puzzle to her as the where
abouts Of the jewelry.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
One Worse.

INKS. with a yawn. said to a
- fisherman:
Time amt very valuable to
YOU brother: that's plain. Here
, hecn a-watChin YOU three hours
,J YOU amt had bite"
!.LyalL" drawled the fisherman, my
,,,,e's too valuable, anyhow, to waste
ttr.ee hours Of IL watchin feller fsh
hat amt gettin' a bite."-San Fran
cisco Call
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
Good Stories
An Early Departure.

-HE new cook came out and did
very we'll her first afternoon At
Lonelyvillc After dinner she
approached the head OF the
house.
How early shall get up in the
morning." she inquired
Well" said Mrs. Subbubs, the first
train for the city leaves at s:35. You
will he compelled TO get up as early as
o'clock If you want to make that
L'Xrhange
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

Mrs. Hanan, incidentally, branded as
ridiculous the theory that a house guest
may be the guilty person. MY guests
were all old friends" she is quoted as
house when the robbery occurred
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
III.

The country may declare a war
And fight the blooming Japs-
That being due to happen when
The Climbers pass the Maps.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

AS we translate Congressman Bu-
chanan's transfer struggle from the
story thereof. the conductor, in no un-
certain language, told him where he
got off. And saw that he did.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
WE THANK YOU FOR THE INFoR,
NATION.

G. S. K: Since you don't mind fill
ing space by telling that the ball games
start at $3.50, perhaps you would like
to print the item that theatrical per-
formances in Portland, Oregon, start
promptly at s:I5. M. M. M.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

Manager Davy Belasco is looking for
the natural play" which, to our no
tIon. will be one in which actors talk
ing over telephones pause between
speeches a sufficient length of time to
maintain the illusion that there Is
some one at the other end
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

ONE husbands will their SIT doWn at the last mo
before entering heaDen button their Hrngs
and polish up their halos
may blind all ones dear girl friends delighted
a ocuiists
People can't afford them hare idea that there
something almost immoral about automobiles
Before declares that he is not poTty fdSteH
girls hoesng after marriage he propes that ne meant waf ne
said by offering to do it,
girls objection being kissed doesn't discourage How
adays because regards merely little formay through
which she goes for appearance sake
lovers opinion apt preudiced husbands warped
brother hold the mirror to nature in NAY to make
shudier at her reflection.
thing find the mans heart and another to
him let in when You get there.
Grass Widows Motto burnt child apoidS love match
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

Yes. D. F., if we were absolutely up
against it for a paragraph we might
Say that the damage done by the storm
was Tremendous
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

II. X. LIS nominations for leaders
of the Awful Noise Club: A link pot
cleaner; a trombone making a misstep.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
It PAYS To Advertise.
CBy copy boy from snort ,oou

(By copy boy from sport room)
G. S. X: Thanks for the publicity ac-
corded the $3.50 start The number of
phone calls has already shown a
marked decrease. being only l42 up to
IL o'clock. when We usually have 15o
Hereafter We shall use your medium
exclusively.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
How To Getrichquick.

J. E. F. NJ Invent a manicuring
machine-WITHOUT photographic at
tachment"
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

There IS the possibility. OF course,
that the Maps will take the bull In
their teeth and elect to pass the Climb
ers. Not hat it wouldn't keep them
occupied.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

johnson lay bromidlom. Every time
H""".s a Celebration OF that kind the
D"Iu" team always loses
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
Newspaper Tales We Have Met.

Th" story OF the giddy couple that
welded after n courtship of fifty-three
cars
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
Lend Him Your Fountain Pen.

.. X. Speaking uf pests and pests.
mos" at "u' IN" 2uy VIII" borrows your
prl".tl Tor " second and promptly salivas
tnc point Of II? b. X.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

Another way TO FIJI the Cup. we're
r"ssinl#ti,. enough to think. is to leave
il "'t during the kind Of weather we'll
pr"hnhly have tomorrow.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
Needless Alarm.

y OLD German farmer entered
n the office OF a wholesale drug
~ gist one morning and addressed
the proprietor:
Mister Becker. l haf der schmal
"MerclfuI Heavens. Mr.. Jacobs" ex-
claimed Becker, as the office force
scrambled over each other in their hurry
I, get out. don't come any nearer"
..Not's der madder init you fellers
aryhow?" quietly replied Jacobs 81
sa[ I haf der schmall pox of butter out
in mine wagon vOt der Mrs. Becker
nrtcrcd las week alreaty. National
E'upd Magazine.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
BROll-ERS AND FRESH
Pot LTRY.

And Far Rockaway, equally l.. l.,
grocer "Im"unc"s: Fruit Specials
New Potatoes n ;2c Peck"
Summing up the Climbers chances
for Nap-passing by SAYING that they
stand but passing show could not,
We grant you. be styled IA remarkable
witticism.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
What's on the Program, in
Washington Today

Meetings. evening:
MasOnic-Columbia Lodge, No. 3 and
Lebanon. No. I: Hiram Chapter No.
IL. Royal Arch: Columbia Command.
cry. No. ,. Knights Templar.
Odd Fellows-CentraI Lodge, No. l.;
Metropolis. No. 10 and Phoenix. No
2S: Mageneu Encampment. No 4; Nj.
riam. No. 8. Rebekah Lodge
Red Men-Seneca Tribe, No. IL, Su
Pennsylvania avenue southeast; Min.
cola Tribe, No. If, Anacostia; Idaho
council. No. l, Degree Of Poca
Northeast Temple.
knights of Pythias-Syracusians Lodge.
No. IL: Rathbone. No. s, Pythian Sis
tiers.
Concert by the United States Engineer
Band, Judiciary park. tonight.
Concert by the United States Soldiers
Home Band, bandstand. 4 to $50 p. n.
Amusements.
Columbia-'Prince Otto" Sis D. m.
PoH's-"Arizona. 2:l5 and Sis D. m
Glen Echo-Amusements.
Chevy Chase Lake-COncert nv Marine
Band. dancing, and other amusements
Great Falls-Music and other amuse-
ments.
Luna Park-Dancing and other amuse-
mentS.
street wharf 10 a. m, 80 D. m. and
$50 D. m.
River View Park-BoatS leave Seventh
street wharf 10 a. m. and D. m.
Colonial Beach-Steamer ST. Johns
leaves Seventh street wharf every
day except Monday at Q a. m. Satur.
day, $50 D. M
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
"All Aboard" :"

With hand the switch of 60horsepower Bessie off
spend vacation the boderland of Nepnes Kingdom.
All Aboard and big smoky demon dashing with another
Bessie carrying her far away into the mountains
All Aboard" still Bessie
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
She is of on an ocean

friends the pier
trip.
Bessie where she chose spend her
forgot cherub who her such bully while
Cupid vacation the winter the
kept busy making things for Gies Bobs You
see! ELEANOR SCHORER-
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
What Poverty Does.

-AYOR ROCKWELL, OF Akron.
N II was cOndemning the claim.
" often put forward by the rich.
that poverty is good for the
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

character
Poverty is good for nobody" he sa d.
Ell rmbittcrs the mind. hardens he
heart. causes unhappineSs and fear and
suffering.
THERE'S nothing like adversity.' a
uIIIlouaire once said to me; there's s
nothing Ike adv"rsity to bring a man
out
=. Yes rrnlI"d. out at the elbows d"
cincinnati Enquirer
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

: Sign At Wo"dmere. l.. l.:
The Washington times., 1913-08-01

Although it's passable.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
the giftie pie US.
THOUGHTS ON A TURTLE.

To see ourseIs as ithers see US.
The Washington times., 1913-08-01
Learn One Thing
Every D ay
35.-THE TONGUE.

-HE tongue is really a group OF
muscles, some running from root
to tip, others crossways. Any
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1913-02-22

4 II. r. Il. Emmons. Mineral, L.,
loays: II have sold and used Roy:l-
Inc OIL four years and consider It
the best antiseptic I ever used. A
trial always convinces. That's why
10 knows It.. Il will pay you TO
IN It. You will then use nothing
Ice. 35c, soc. Money back plan.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1913-02-22
TREsrAss NOTICE.

All persons are hereby warned and
prohibited from cuttink, burning
deadening. EARRING or floating sway
or Otherwise in1uring or deetroyins
any trees, tlmDof Or wood growing or
lying upon the 'ando Of the under-
signed. The re also prohibited
from 6shin Aunting Or trapping
with dog. or torch or trespaso-
Ing IN any xay On lands Belonging
to the NM xned.
e. r. ROBERT.
n. n. MAYrtELD.
H.. MAYFIELD.
r. 4. ORR.
JAS. PROVOST.
NO31-sf GEO H. 0AIsAE.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1913-02-22
NOTICE.

We, the undersigned, forbid ali
hunting. trapping and trespaseing on
our lands. Any one caught % doing
viii be punished to the full extent Of
the Inv.
FRANK LUNN,
JAS. FiTZMORRIS,
n. r. ROBERTS,
G. 8. WILSON,
EUGENE FIT1MORRIS,
FIELDER FTTZMORRIS,
DEED FITZ9ORRIS,
FENNER FITZMOkRIS.
n3-3mo
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1913-02-22
81. amnlany Farmer
February -. 1918
wlEEyIL u nor EsAD1cATrD.



q recent special dispatch TO the
Ilmeo-Demccrat from Washington.
eAyD:
q . talk With Representative Joe.
>. RAnsdell. Bradford Knapp. chief
% TIE farm Demonstration division Of
the Department Of Agriculture sound
- 2 note Of warning to the cotton
planters not only Of Louisiana, but
q MiaoiGoippi sad adjo:ning areas Ii
Arkansas and Te1as. What he de.
oro4 the planters In Louisiana in par
tScular to remember % that the boil
NeevH has not been ergdicated, even
from the sections Of the cotton belt
where none Of the insects Was found
last season.
His injunction to all II to plant
on the assumption that the past will
reAppear during the coming season,
because the winter has been mild.
In . good many spots IN the belt last
enough to make It certain that during
season. tho infeetntion was great
the mild winter the pest has multi
piled, 20 that unless the planters
take pains with their crop, conditions
win be- lamentable.
In particular he hopes they will
put In ct least half their acreage with
short staple quick maturing seed. He
AAo heard that many Of the plant
leAG staple, and that dos not .appeal
% him. II that view. Mr.. nansdell
Agrees with Mr.. Knapp. The Sena-
tor elect, even before he had the talk.
bod como to the concluson that It
was the thing to do. Neither Mr..
1ansdell nor Mr.. Knapp believe It
VIM be wise, this year. TO put all the
eggs In one basket.
BY taking Interpretations suggest
BY taking the precautions suggest
I'd, Nessr1. RA1edell and Knapp be
lieve the VII the mild winter has done
In the way Of giving the weevil an
extension Of tenure will be minim-
ised, IL not wholly neutraltzed.
- CASH REGISTER MEN GO TO
'-'sess PRISON.
6eateaces Range From Three Montlss
TO One Year ard Court.
Cincinnati. O., Feb. l7.-John H.
d 1HD,.o,, ,,.a.sA>n% - |hn Nafinra1
rsNv nH.l tsss. Ce =. s ~" .,,.h
S.sn nis.es Svpsny 81. w. . Ma.I
~ Lo os.~ss y, 80 -. .e..s..cd
q cllmlns ~, v.c,.a.on =. .ne I ManIar
~ 1nss- VIZ ssw - anN NSH :. = ouuas
- ~ .ne .u " Ss'vvS eA1 - 20 -
i On r. 80. - s.u 80. a.,o.a.n..
- twen.y 49,. oencl .sn 49, =.
n.y. .sn.snceu - -. -. 1s a IL, W. .nI
nIne Mualns 20 year ~ JAZZ snV
J. ~ tne cosls -. r..,..
ae men MeIe sOn.lsssu - ..., nu.e
section Of the sherman antitrust law.
.tery q the COMPANY. was BaveH .hs
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-11
FLATS BURN OUT
Three Big Apartment Houses
Destroyed in Chicago.
Students Help 25 Fire Com
panies to Fight Flames.

Chicago. Feb. 11.-Ftremen rescued
more thon one hundred persons from
a group of big south side apartment
buildings attacked by fire today. one
woman resident and two firemen, IT
was runored early this afternoon had
persisted in the flames
The fire broke out in the 1ngraham,
at sixteenth street and Washington
avenue, containing sixty apartments
A brisk wind and shortage of water
handicapped the firemen and the
flames leaped streets and alleys to
other buildings. The Ingraham was
destroyed soon after its hundred resi-
dents had been carried down fire es-
cages on the ladders raised by hrer1en en-
OCCUPANTS of the Kali building S
thirty apartments fed just in time as
the fire reached it The hremen with
the flames blowing from across the
street in their faces escaped down lad
ders raised by their comrades
Smoke and heat drove thirty IaTnl-
lies from the Dickerson apartments
four story structure at 1403-OS East
Sixteenth street. While Fire Cher
Zvferlich YVES bewailing the shortage
of water the home of Arthur L. Cody,
a block and a half away, took fire. A
general call for fire engine was turned
in and twenty-five com panieS responded
but late this afternoon the hre sun
ragged. students from the University
of Chicago visited the fire during the
noon recess and assisted in the saw
ing of a large amount OF personal
propertv and household furniture
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-11

the state.
Our present guarantee law is uni
versally recognized as being the best
in existence today. 1t is sound and
workable and cannot endanger the
lives of the rest of the banks under
any circumstances
The executive committee of the
State Bankers association of which I
nave the honor to be vice president,
believe that the law is satisfactory as
it now stands, and as declared con-
Sutuuonal by the supreme court of
the United States, and we would dis
damental principles destroyed.
I believe, however, that the entire
committee are unit on one or two
changes, for example, the bank COM
missioner can fix the rate of interest
that banks can pay depositors, and he
can make the rate different in diff
ferent counties if he desires. The
banks in Kansas both national and
state that are not guaranteed are sub
ject to no such restrictions and we
believe they should be removed from
the bill.
ALSO we believe that so much
power should not be vested in one
man.
could be made with good effect is in
regard to the cash assessment. The
original draft of the first guarantee
bill that was passed required the de-
post OF DOQCS Win the state treaSur-
er to guarantee the payment by the
banks of assessment irnm ediately
when called. Governor Stubs thought
that the cash assessment should also
be made I thought at the time, and
so stated, that one of the beautiful
fea lures of the bill would thereby be
destroyed. However. the bill was so
altered and the cash assessment in
serted and an additional clause which
was just and right that each bank
when it came in should pay bank as
Sessments less losses
The commissioners office has re-
ported to us that he believes that this
feature of recurring the payment of
bank assessments is keeping the other
banks out The executive commit
tee believes that a change back to the
original bill would be advisable, and
a simple amendment inserted: this
amendment to the effect that the
cash assessor ents heretofore paid shall
remain with the state treasurer to
the credit of the banks that paid
them and that therefore cash as
sessments shall be made according to
the terms of the bill. namely. from
one to five annually as needed; the
cash now in the hands of the state
treasurer to be applied in paying the
assessments of the banks IN whose
name they stand as far as they will
60
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-11
DROP STATE ARMY
Bill in Senate to Abolish Ma
ti0naI Guard.
Governor May Call Out Men
When Necessary.

bill to abolish the Kansas Ma
tional Guard composed of 1000 men, to
subject all able bodied citizens to a
call from the governor to Go militia
service and ultimately to save the state
100000 annually, was introduced in
the senate this morning by J. NJ Davis,
OF Bourbon county. The bill repeats
more than seventy sections of the 1909
statutes and eradicates entirely the
laws dealing with the organization,
operation and maintenance of the Ma
donal Guard
Senator Davis believes that the state
militia is useless, expensive and with
out practical advantage to Kansas He
says that the state can save several
hundred thousand dollars during the
next few years by overthrowing the
army of 1000 men now supported in
the different regiments. batteries, sig
nal and hospital corps. In lieu of this
protection. he would create a state
militia composed of all able bodied men
between the ages of IS and IS years,
subject to the regulation army exemp-
tions.
The Kansas National Guard is COM
posed of two regimental bands. two
regiments, one battery, one signal corps
and two hospital corps These men are
under the official corps of an adjutant
general, assistant adjutant general,
paymaster-g general, Inspector general,
surgeon-general and three aides-de-
camps The military board receives
five dollars day while in meeting.
Appropriations are given the COM
panies-
In times of peace the state laws now
provide for a militia to be composed
of "a companies of infantry, two pro-
visional companies. two regimentaI
bands two batteries of light artillery,
two hospital corps. two signal corps
and two auxiliary artillery squads.
III h.
senate today exempts the following
from militia subject = to call-service-
"a Persons exempt by the laws of the
United States. 90 Persons exempt by
laws of Kansas. 81 Members Of fire
and police departments. a. Justices
and clerks of courts of record, regis
tiers of deeds. sheriffs, ministers of the
gospel. practicing physicians, hospital
officers, assistants and superintendent,
officers. assistants and superintend-
ents of prisons and jails and conduc-
tors and engineers of railways go
confirmed drunkards. persons addicted
to use of narcotic drugs. and persons
convicted Of infamous crimes.
The names of all such persons not
exempt from service shall be enrolled
annually by the assessors. The gov
ernor may by proclamation call out
the militia in the defense of the state
or its inhabitants. In case of a draft
the commander-in-chiefs shall apportion
it eQuitably among the several coun-
ties. When called into service the mil
itia will be organized under the rules
of the organization of the United States
army.
The bill undoubtedly will start the
warmest fight of the session if it comes
before the senate committee of the
whole for recommendation Senator
Davis insists that he will bring the
bill to a vote despite committee enc
mics.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-11
MACFERRkN OBJECTS.
Topekan Takes Issue With Joseph on
Guaranty Law.

William Macferran, president OF the
State Savings bank and vice president
Of the State Bankers association. is
opposed to a new bank guarantee law
for Kansas. He says that the present
law with a few small amendments
would be ideal He expressed surprise
at the statements of Senator Joseph
who has introduced a new bill in the
senate
II have carefully read the article
in Monday evenings issue of the state
Journal in which Senator Joseph was
quoted in respect to a new bank guar
antee law and the need of it, said Mr.
Macferran. Il can hardly think Sem
ator J. D. Joseph was correctly quoted
in some statements concerning the
present law He was quoted as say
ing that the state banks of Kansas
have s65,00o.00o on deposit with only
100000 in guarantee fund with the
state treasurer
LAS I understand it the facts are
that the state banks of Kansas have
on deposit s1OS.000, 900 and the guar
antee fund with the state treasurer is
nearly $1,000 of which about $780,
900 is bonds and 100000 cash. This
guarantee fund of a. half million COL
lars. however, only guarantees the de-
posits of those banks that have been
admitted under its protection which
number about one-haIf of the total of
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-11
FEE AND SALARY BILL.
1t Is Before House This Afternoon on
Special Order.

The fee and salary bill recommended
for passage by the joint committee on
fees and salaries is under considera-
ton in the house this afternoon as a
special order. Because of the late
morning adjournment. it was nearly
2:30 when the house met this after
noon to begin the consideration of the
bill which would put all county off,
Gals on a straight salary.
All fees under the provisions of the
bill would revert to the county and the
official holding Office would receive only
q salary for his work Because Of the
provisions of a bill which in many
counties will work a distinct hardship,
il is probable that numerous amend
nents will be injected in the original
bill, although an effort will be made
by the Democrats to adopt some sort
of fee and salary measure. 1t is pro-
bable that the bill will occupy the
attention of the house the greater por-
tion of the afternoon.