New-York tribune., 1913-11-14
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

Substitution is great evil" the little druggist
readily agreed. But" he added ut is sometimes
self preserving Now, n customer of mine taugnt
me that. He was pestered by a chronic borrower
of his safety razor. When buying new blades he
got a new idea. He saved one old blade and 1t Is
substituted for the new one when he gets through
moving his own face Simple, isn't IT? Always
loaded for the borrower. Maybe that tightwad will
become buyer when the blade finally begins to
pull out the beard by the roots
THAT girl has pretty hair" remarked the young
man.
some at home that is even prettier."-Pttsburgh
Post.
Editor of an evening newspaper hurrying across
the plaza in City Hall Park. annoyed by newsboy
Offering the paper of which he is the head.
Boy-Uxtry, Evening -. Uxtry, mstSr. uxtry'
Editor-Get away. boy l make that paper!
Boy-Gee mister, mebbe that's why / can't sell
'em
This lady is worth 100000. Would you like to
her photograph?
Worth 100000 and compelled to advertise for
a husband? No; you needn't show me her phiz.
can imagine what II must be"-Lousville Courier
Journal
In a cigar store on the upper West Side where
OF all political creeds congregae every evening,
there is n bulletin board which sporting news Is
posted. Early in the recent campaign n Mitchell
worker wrote the word Fusion" at the top OF the
board I'm bold chalk characters A Mccall man wrote
Confusion" equally large under the word. This
was followed a day later by "Profusion" and that
in turn by illusion" Then came a peacemaker
and wrote Take your choice" Since election this
acrostic has been added:
Four years OF
United,
Sensible,
Industrious.
Old-reliable,
Non partisan city government.
Muggins-Do you ever lie to your wife?
Buggins-Only when I tell her l not worthy OF
her.-Philadelphia Record.
Knowing that first impressions most lasting, a
son Of a well-to-do family. who had married against
his parents wishes a girl whose early education
had been rather neglected, coached his bride care
fully on what to say when presented TO his father.
The moment arrived. The somewhat severe father
frowned on his daughter-in-law over his glasses,
while the young woman stood stammering before
him. Twice she framed sentences OF greeting, but
each time they refused to pass her lips. Finally
she gasped stammered, then blurted: Nice weather
we got, amt it,
"Gillet says he hates the political atmosphere
which pervades Washington
why doesn't he get some President to make him
Secretary of State?"-lAfe.
There is an old building in Nassau street which
bears many signs the most conspicuous Of them.
written last July reading
Rent your office in this building. Inside 1t Is
always 20 per cent cooler than on the streets There
are forty-six windows through which the winds
rush" Painted icicles and snow illuminate the sign'
which is chiefly useful now In suggesting visits to
nearby emporiums for tall. hot ones
Did your father ever lick you?
"Once, but / got good and even.'
"How?"
why, when the circus came to town shortly
afterward | said didn't care to go.'-Boston Tran
script.
"Get on the job be an inspector" was the cry OF
street pedler selling large nckeed badges. so
highly priced by village constables. "Only ID cents
for the badge-three nickels!" And the boys of
Nassau street fairly jumped for the metal In
spector? Yes-of chickens" which, in the vernacu-
lar of the smart youngsters, means just girls.
MAS up against It,"
Whats the Ulatter?'
"Shes got to read paper Milton at her literary
club next week"
well, what's the dificulty?"
PA doesn't even know a single thing he wrote
Det