Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-06-10
sacrllege some one threw turnip and

ISacrllege some one tnFeW tuEHp anu
hit me on the jaw.
From thence on exhibited only pic
lures showing that the wages Of sin 4
are from four to ten dollars day, with
board and washing and theater tickets
thrown in, and the audience went wild
with enthusiasm. could not close my
eyes to the fact that the drift OF the
times was toward wickedness and that
the travelling agents Of family Bibles
must be living on onions and sleeping
in fence corners.
Next day. while was driving over
the highway from Jump or to Stop
Here, met cavalcade. My innocent
face, venerable whiskers and bear
ing insure me respect. In most cases
the cavalcade removes its hats and
bows low before me- In this case as a
sign of the degeneracy of the times the
cayalcade halted, and the leader asked
me what would take for my whisk-
ers. had not yet recovered from my
establishment when another man dis /
mounted and climbed up on the wheel
of my wagon and actually gave tue
at my whiskers to see * they w,o-
false Then they called IDs old moA
and old boy and old boss, and orn I'm
them tried to spit tobacco Juice ir
fighting dogs eyes. As l drove G
Just did seem to me that the end of
world was at hand. In imaginatio
could see the destruction of Sodom &
hear the yells of its perishing inha
ants.
A Spirit Of Levity. \
Having reached the town itself, OBJ
served that spirit Of levity and gay
ETY. pervaded the place; but, though it
might be owing to the fact that there
was q man in town from Denver try
ing to sell folding bathtubs and hair
brushes. opened my show by introduce
Ing Pilgrim Joe's Alternative, which
is a we'll known remedy for drawing /
folks back from the grave had I
scarcely announced that the price still
remained % cents, Notwithstanding the
panic, when a crowd began to boot
In selling this alternative l usually tell
little story. 1t is about fond moth
er whose sunny haired little boy gets
in the way Of brick house and Is
crushed to a pulp. The mother sits
grieying over the remains and wailing
out that there Is no more happiness
for her on this earth when an angel
comes flying down with bottle OF my
Justly celebrated remedy in her hand.
She pats the grieving mother on her
head and then sprinkles some OF the
alternative over the remains Of the
child. In five minutes he Is chasing
grasshoppers and the mother Is laugh
ing in glee and wondering when the
next circus will come along.
Seeing that the crowd at Stop Here
was a little out of humor. started
in to tell this story, but it brought mis-
siles instead Of tears and smiles. A
majority Of those missiles colided with
my sacred body, and for the only time
in thirteen years l was somewhat en-
| barrassed. passed the picture along
| and substituted "The Discovery OF
America" No good. They threw To-
bacco cuds at Christopher as he stood
/, ,s and gazed upon America. substituted
1.-Two Orphans" but the ragged and
| starving little girls, wandering around
| in a snowstorm at night in search OF
fodder and sympathy, were advised to
cut it out. In desperation changed
to the most sacred picture in the col
lection, which represents field Of bat
tie at night, after the fighting. There
are dead and wounded scattered about,
and instead of being on their roosts
and asleep thousands Of buZZards are
lowering DER the scene. There are
angels there weeping DER the dead OF
praying with the wounded and other
angels with clubs whacking away at
the buzzards.
- Produced Tears and Sobs.
PAL ZEN exhibited this picture in the
JutAs of Step High. Go On, Merry L
and Who Cares there were such tears
and sobs as produced wave Of influ-
enza all through the state and hum
dreds Of men rode from ten to fifty
miles to tell me that they would not
enlist in the army If Japan licked VI
ten times over.
On this occasion, however, the pic
ture was received In frozen silence.
This lasted about minute, and then
the audience began to guy The sa-
cred angels were advised to try this Or
that breakfast food and to put on tai
lor made gowns and wear Merry Wild
ow" hats, and when l stepped to the
front and protested against such sac
rilege there were shouts for me to pull
down my vest and get or the earth.
I have no desire to pose as discov-
erer or explorer or to make my fellow
man out worse than he is, but my con-
victions are:
First-Sacred things are gradually
losing their sacredness.
Second.-A spirit OF levity is abroad
in the land.
Third.-This world will eventually be
a mighty tough place to live In.
Fourth.-If you have pain any
where in the family or among your
distant relatives take Pilgrim Joe's
Annihilator.