New-York tribune., 1913-06-28
AS | WAS SAYING

Brother Boks red roses planted so lovingly beside
the bonnie railroad tracks and watered with MS
tears OF Joy, now no more. WONDERFUL as theS
never were. Nevertheless, truth is at times qulte
Independent Of fact, and the yarn mad lts proiouu'
philosophic meaning.
You recall the scene-stockholders, trackwalkers'
board OF directors and even the railroad president
swooping down Brother Bok's red roses with
whoop and a yell. and tearing them limb from limp
in terror lest some engineer might mistake them Tor
danger signals.
Awful. this We cannot have too many DANGER
signals We value our time We insist that all pos
sibe devices even spurious ones should be employed
10 accelerate speed. and despse railroad that
assassinates red roses in order to save coal
Fiery soul that he is Brother Box has hoped up
in his wrath and denied the red rose story with
great venom. He planted roses-ah, yes.-and tey
still shed their fragrance upon the bonnie railroad
tracks but they are not red No. by gum, they are
white and yellow,
Now do not accuse us of jeering at Brother BOX
for espouslng the cause of the Railroad Beauteous
Just between friends think him a fine usefuI
citizen and funnier than some Neither do we scorn
the Railroad Beauteous. Only We think Brother BOX
has nurtured the wrong flowers. Instead OF his
white and yellow roses We beg leave TO suggest inc
tuberose, which is quite sniffy and a lot more
mortuary.
What mass and a nidiot 10 go shopping
through the papers Of half Christendom for those
comica misprints and neglecting 10 patronize nome
industry. We are wiser to-day. for II turns out
that even as wrote. simply gorgeous misprint
vas at large in an American newspaper-"Sb couch
hammocks 2lc" Wow Picture the mad. tumultu-
ous human cascade Of bargain hunters this brought
roaring down upon n perfectly innocent and well
meaning department storei
This morning the newspaper apologies on All fours
in sackcloth and clinkers. Not being an expert
shopper we shall avoid attempting TO Judge Of tho
sackcoth but we know clinkers from y 10 H. ana
congratulate the newspaper on the following;
I'VE believe that all fairminded people will com
mend the Companys action in sacrificing n
large volume Of business instead OF taking advantage
OF our error"
Darn a NJ" said Josh Billings and we shall keep
right on ordering our science al the old stand
though We notice that Dr. Charles f. Page is de-
Tending flies with all the passion Of his great, affec-
tionate heart Not ny in ten millions ever
lights on n human being. and when does the
contact Is harmless"
Some day we shall draw Or. Page aside and "he
faithful with him" Has he never observed that
these rude vulgar untutored insects pace up and
down our dinner without wiping their feet?
That wise and merry cartoonist. Mr. Hayden Jones,
has quite distanccd himself in his latest-a crea-
tion called when Income Tax Day Comes Around"
Happy hint! run on the orphan Asylum
We realize. Of course. that many are reluctant TO
adopt children, and We hardly wonder. for there are
grave risks as a child be sure but that
a foster father will turn out badly. STILL the $500
exemption sor each dependent child is awfully at
tractive and we predict that conscientious tax
dodgers will gallop TO the asylum in frenzy OF
humanitarian zeal
AS in all new sports. some terrible consequences
must be expected but we hope TO mitigate the horror
by dropping a word in time. Brethren. catch them
young! Adopt infants! 1t is tho best arrangement
always as they are more gullible and put up but a
feeble resistance.
And in the present emergency. the rule will bc
found particularly beneficial. without hair teeth
speech morals features other marks Of identifica
ton the little cherubs be utilized to great advan
tage repeaters.
Mr. stefansson is proceeding Northward and JOY
ful is the wild expectancy among the Esquimaus,
as they count receiving new shipload OF maga
zines. Really. you can't think what a perfectly
ferocious demand there is, up yonder, for maga-
zines, To read? Bless you. no. They have a far
nobler use for them, and It from friend
Stefansson himself that learned OF 1t.
Thanks to missionaries. the Esquimaus simply
glory In remembering the Sabbath Day to keep it
holy. But how 10 know Sunday without calendar ?
Answer: Make marks on paper-straight marks for
week days. crosses for Sundays. This is where
magazines come in. They are unutteraby precious
to Esqumaus because Of their margins.
Thus we see that the Arctic have a genius
for piety and-may we not AIDA rare faculty OF
balancing literary values r. l.. II.