The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-04-13
Continued from Page One.

Continued from Page One.
daughter Tariff, 1.-THE fairest maid thai
ever nursed an infant industry" She
was the heroine and Oscars sweetheart
Even the messenger boy who now came
I'm had to announce that Its bitter
night" with an accompaniment Of wind
and snow. The telegram that he brought
was signed Woodrow wilson 1t told
of the necessity for keeping Democratic
light burning because the good ship T.
Jefferson Platform was due from Balti-
more with a cargo of tariff revision, cur
rency reform, trust busters, and miscei-
ianeous business. and with the Seven
Sisters as passengers. 1T is very i'm
portant that the Platform reach port
safely said the telegram.
The william and the Heroine.
But bark! Footsteps are approaching on
horseback. The villain enters. TITS a
bitter night he exclaims, as his eyes
fall upon the telegram. VIII the good
ship get in safely? Not If the villain
knows it. The good ship T. Jefferson
Platform coming in tonight?" he ex-
claims. mot if my name is Penrose
Smoot. It's bad channel between Radi-
cal Reef and Compromise ShoaL II the
light should fail she'll pile up on Dissen-
sion Rock It's a desperate chance, but
I'm a desperate man. Hark, hear foot
steps. All, it's the girl. I'll wreck the
Platform. Then, once aboard the lugger
and the girl is mine, but, nina We, Bill,
no violence
Then comes the scene between the vii
lain and the heroine. I'll dress you like
Sheba's Queen said he.
NO." replied the brave girl Rags
are royal raiment when worn for Wood
rows sake"'
And then when Miss Tariff said that she
was "a poor, unprotected girl" Penrose
Smoot asked her if she did not want
protection.
take a little on Florida oranges and
North Carolina cotton goods"
Yes, yes, go on" said the villain.
eagerly.
Also on Tennessee coal and iron and
Texas steers
"An this and more you shall have. my
proud beauty. if you will fly with me!''
finland me, villain screamed the
heroine. Help, Help -.- Pc.
Whereupon. of course, Oscar, the hero.
dashed in, forgetting in his excitement
to announce that it's bitter night. and
rescued the girl.
There was much more to the thrilling
play, including a hand-to-hsnd conflict
between Old Bill Bryan and the villain
in the effort to. douse the glinl, but
finally the good ship was hailed. Then
it was discovered that its only cargo was
fifteen thousand ofice-seekers.
President Wilson" somebody asserted,
scuttle her.
God help the poor ofice-seekers on
such a night as this" said Old Bill Bryan.
as the drama came to an end.
interviewing the Cabinet.
The two new members Of the club, Rob-
ert H. Patchin, of the New York Herald,
and Thomas F. Logan, Of the Philadel-
phia Inquirer, were assigned to the task
of interviewing the Cabinet officers, Sec
rotary Tumulty and others. in order to
Tumulty was asked to explain why the
President went to a different church ev-
cry Sunday. His alleged answer was:
It's a part of the administrators econ
omy programme. It's cheaper to move
than to pay pew rent
Postmaster General Burleson was re-
ported as saying that he would enforce
civil service reform if it cost him every
Republican postmaster in the service,
while Attorney General McReynolds was
credited with saying that he believed in
cut-throat competition provided it was
confined to the two wings of the Repub |
lican party. Secretary Houston express
ed his fitness for presiding over the De-
partment of agriculture by asserting that
as professor of ancient languages he
could call all the vegetables by their |
Latin names. Secretary Daniels was re-
ported as saying that he was teaching 4
Presbyterian hymns to all the sailors and !
bill by recommending one battleship for |
each Congressional district. All the other |
Cabinet officers were credited with prop |
ositions that were equally laughable, and /
when the candidates had shown that they |
could interview public men at the rate
of five a minute il was decided that they 1
must be pretty good reporteres, after all. /
Songs With n Moral.
Interspersed between the stunts and |
the speeches were songs with a moral 1
One Of them initiated the Jersey skeeter
and told how the trusts and the bosses
would soon be crying ''stung," while an
other. parody on Row. Row, Row."
had reference to the cool reception given
to office-seekers at the White House, and
the reference of all applications to Cabi-
net officers. 1t had this chorus, which
made everybody laugh:
1t looks like snow, snow, snow,
| think the weather
Looks like snow, snow, snow.
Let's get together.
II an Office you pursue,
You must play peek-a-boo
With Burleson or Daniels, Garrison or
McAdoo.
II looks like snow, snow, snow
II Bryan fails you,
If McReynolds or Wilson say NO"
You can come back again |