The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-08-28

~ uiSi'ltiN GU WI Iio uIiii aSioI a
Are YOU going to eat it:." the min
lister asked.
NO. sir; it's too pretty to eat. I'm
going to keep it," the little girl re-
piled, as she stroked it with a moist
little hand.
Several days later the minister saw
her again, and inquired about the cat.
A regretful look came into her eyes.
Its gone she sighed. You see, |
zaved it and saved it, till it got so
dirty that I Just had to eat it,
Edward Everett Hale" said a
lawyer. was n of he guests at a
m~illionaire's dinner.
THE millionaire was a free spend
dollar put out. And as the dinner
progressed he told his guests what the
more expensive dishes had cost. He
dwelt especially on the expense of the
large and beautiful grapes, each
bunch A foot long. each grape bigger
than a plum. He told. down to A.
penny. what he had figured II out that
the grapes had cost him apiece. The
guests looked annoyed. They ate the
expensive grapes charity. But Or.
Hale. smiling, extended his plate and
said:
Would you mind cutting me off
about s1.s7 worth more. please?'"
An American motoring through a
Scotch town was pulled up for ex-
cessive speed.
Didn't you see that notice. Dead
Slow" inquired the policeman.
Course I did" returned the Yam
kee. but thought it referred to your
hloomin' town"
In a certain school a teacher was
giving her class reading. 1t came to a
part about a drowning her
self. The teacher asked a boy to
read again. He began:
She threw herself into the river.
Her husband. horror stricken, rushed
tn the hank"
The teacher said: Now, tell me
why the husband rushed to the
hank?
Quick and sharp am his answer:
Please. ma'am, to get the insurance
money"
An Ohio man who was recently
elected to congress went to Washing
ton to look around and see what his
duties were. He vas Hospitality re-
reived and was wined and dined a
great many times by his colleagues.
BEFORE he went home he said to his
friends: by George. I have had a
good time. 1have had dinners and
breakfasts and suppers galore given
to me. In fact. I haven't had my
knife out of my mouth since I struck
town"
A smart young mar was airing his
views on religion in a public car. He
did not believe in heaven or hell in
fact. in ANYTHING which he had not
seen.
A peaceful old Quaker. who had
been quietly taking in the CONVERSE
ton. as this point spoke up:
II take it. then" he inquired. that
dost not believe in anything
which thou hast not SEEM"
"Yup.' replied the smar young
man.
Young man. answered the Quak-
er. Hast thou ever seen thy brains?
Art thou sure thou hast anyo"
A Massachusetts minister was MAX
ing his first visit to Kentucky several
years ago He had to spend the night
in A small mountain town where feuds
and moonshine stills abounded. En-
gaging in conversation with one Of the
natives, he said:
MY friend, this is a very btbulous
state I hear"
Lord" replied the man: there
hain't twenty-five bibles in all Ken
An American visiting London for
the first time, goaded to desperation
by the incessant necessity for tips, en-
tered the Mushroom Of hi s hotel. only
to be faced with a large eign which
read: please tip the basin after US
I'm hanged if l will. said the
Yankee, turning on his heel. IN go
dirty first"