The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-07-22

Standing by the entrance of a large
estate in the suburbs of Dublin are
two huge dogs carved out of granite.
An Enslishman going by in a motor
Thought he would have some fun
With the Irish driver.
How often Jack, do they feed those
two big dogs"
"Whenever they bark, SIR was the
straightforward reply.
One day two women hired a cab
and paid the driver his dollar for their
ride with the following coins: A
twenty-five cent piece, three dimes, five
two tWo-cent pieces and thirteen pen
mics.
After looking at the miscellany for
A moment, the driver smiled broadly,
and asked whimsically: We'll, we'll,
now, and how long have YOU been
saving up for this nice little treat to-
day."-iiarper's Weekly.
My dear" says the kind. hearted
husband, Il do not wish to say any
thing about our e~atravagant way of
Keeping house. but do YOU know i, is
a feet that the average French fam
lily lives on what the average Ameri-
can family wastes?"
But, my angel" comments the
helpful wife, that would be impossi-
bile. In the first place, the cost of
sending it to France would be too
great. and. besides. it would spoil
before il got there."--Judge.
The teacher was giving a test of
the value of foreign money in Amer
lea. When it was little Harry's turn,
she asked:
Harry, how much is a guinea
worth in this country?"
Harry smiled and answered: "a
dollar and a half a day."-Every-
body's Magazine.
Mr.. and Mrs. snaggs had Just
dropped in," and the conversation
Went the full range of the health Of
the babies of the neighborhood be-
tween the women. while the men ex-
hausted the possibilities of baseball
and politics. when Johnny squildig,
who found the talk ~uninteresting,
asked Mr.. Snaggs if he had brought
his fiddle with him.
My fiddle" replied Snaggs, in sur
prise. why. Johnny, I am not a
musician. 1 have no fiddle. l don't
play"
But papa says you play second hd-
die at Your house. and l think you
might have brought it with you" re-
sponded the lad.
Then Johnny was marched out of
the room, While the Enaggses walked
solemnly home with a feeling of un-
rest in their bosoms.
The conversation led to surgical
operations h other day, and Con-
gresham John H. Small of North
Carolina told of the experience of a
southern blacksmith.
The blacksmith, who was long on
the wisdom of his trade, but short
on medical lore. according to the
congressman. sprained his wrist one
afternoon and lost no time in hus-
ting to the office of a physician.
The doctor examined the wrist and
then took a small bottle from a shelf
but found it empty.
James" said he, turning to an as.
s%istant; go upstairs and bring me
down a couple of those phials."
Whats that?" exclaimed the pa.
tient. suddenly showing large sign.
of emotion.
Il was merely asking my assista n,
from upstairs" answered the doctor
"Flles!" cried the blacksmith. witt
a look Of determination. NO, vol
don't doc! If that hand has got Il
come off 0 will use an ak or a
saw"
AT a dinner given in New York b,
the Greeters. an organizations Of hote
men. T. G. Breslin Of the Plaza said:
"Hotel men cannot be niggardly
They must not initiate old Cornelius
Husk. Old Corn Hus. as you know
saw his hoy the other day carryins
the thermometer from the kitchen
out into the yard.
"'Watcha dom wi tibet thar ther.
mometer. boy?' he asked.
~ wanter git the difference in
temperacher, pop, betwixt inside and
outside the son answered.
wall, quit IT, snapped old Corn
Husk. 'Keepin' the mercury runnin'
up and down the tube like that, fust
thing We know the durn thing'll be
worn out. and long'll go 25 cents for
another thermometer"