The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-01-04


OLD PAP PINKHAM,
Up. NJ & FlopisD.
Copyright, 1912, by Associated Literary
Press.)
ARIZONA KICIxLETS.
There Is Never a Dull Week at the
Gulch.
low-townsman, Mr.. Blood-Red Jack, was
that he was going in the direction OF
Florence on mule that was trying to
make 20 miles an hour. Mr.. Jack was
handling his guns a little too carelessly
for this town.
had to shoot another guest for finding
fault with the bill of fare, but he did 1t
gently as he could and only wounded hun
in the arm. The guest asked for broiled
lobster and could not be induced to BE-
ieve that summer bear-steak was a bet
ter thing.
Major Wharton, of Utah, writes US thai
he will come soon and put six bullets into
our carcass. Come some day when we ar :
not too busy, major. We like to give a
man the worth of his money.
A city marshal is wanted at the Gulch
to replace the one killed last week-salary
$12 per week-and he will be expected 10
shoot straight and shoot quick. One with
out a family to mourn his demise pre-
ferred.
1t is seldom that we mention our es-
teemed contemporary down the street.
except for his claiming in editorial to
have shot a road agent who attempted to
hold him up. last Saturday night. The
agents in this country don't fool away
their time holding UP critters who don
have so cents in their pockets from one
weeks end to another Our esteemed
imagined whole
thing.
George Tompkins. who was called liar
in this column last week, dropped in yes
terday to have shot at us, but when he
got ready his gun failed to go off. In our
fatherly way in such cases we led him to
the door and babe him come some other
day. There is something lonely in the
thought that man is a liar and a failure
at the same time.
The report that 500 single women were
on their way here from the east to find
husbands turns out to be a canard. They
couldn't find husbands if they came.
About two out of every three of men
have wives somewhere back in the States,
and having run away from one don't
want another.
1t takes only one barrel of lard per week
to grease the machinery of the greatest
daily paper in America, while it takes SO
to grease the machinery of the Kicker.
The business man who can't see where
his advertising should be placed is a blind
man.
Old Bill Williams has disappointed his
friends again. Six weeks ago news came
in that he had been eaten up by a noun
tain lion. and various individuals got
drunk in memory of the occasion Three
broncho looking as fine as ever. He said
he did have a skirmish with q lion, but t
was the lion that was eaten He was at
lowed to shoot I'D the town to show that
there was no hard feeling.
The Kicker's circulation in Japan is
ures in Siam have grown to be something
startling. We started out to make a
newspaper for the whole world, and we
are doing it We have Just sent out an
agent to push the circulation in Egypt,
ard shall look for the best results.
removed from the postmastership be-
cause We play poker was sent to Wash
ington the otner day, and is in the post
master generals waste basket ere this.
He will not remove us. He knows and
loves the game of poker, and he has the
sense to see that q man who bluff a
full house on a pair of ten-spotS can run
a postoffice bang-up. We shall stay right
here. and petitions are only waste OF
time.
This is our regular week for lying about
the circulation of the Kicker It's circula-
ton has now reached the 100000 mark
and to print we have to set up 500 presses
in the open air. How pity those east
ern newspaper liars.
Eastern newspapers will do US great
favor if they viii speak the truth in
speaking of the Guich. Instead of some
one being shot every hour in the day,
only two persons are killed for every q
hours. and they deserve all they get. In
stead of lis gambling houses and saloons,
we have only ST, and some of those are
languishing for want of custom. Instead
of being shot for asking for mail at TIE
postoffice, the postmaster offers prizes to
get people in.
We understand that a horse was stolen
from Big -Four ranch last Saturday even
ing by a one-eyed man We also understand
getting five miles away. He had his sor-
rows the same the rest of us, but is
now over with them.
Over at Lone Jack they set out to hang
g man last Sunday night. but of course
they bungled the affair and he got away.
No wonder they can hardly give real
estate away in that town and that enter
prising citizens are leaving it.
There was shooting at the meeting
of the common council two weeks ago. as
reported by Denver paper Alderman
Finnegan arose to a point of order, and
as mayor and president of the council we
decided the point not well taken Oh. NJ
there is no shooting ARRAYS in our coun-
Gill; All is harmony and serenity. and OUT
side papers should not malign US.
Two new doctors hung out their signs
in the Gulch last week We shall have
an eve on them, and the first time they