davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-07-31

FieIder's James Farnam Field
Contribution er, the Hudson County
TO Humor citizen who is going to
meet with horrible
disappointment sometime between
now and the fifth Of next November,
has made a valuable addition to the
hall Of humor, and perhaps, I'M
consciously. On another page will
be found a specimen from a.collcct-
ION Of humorous skits sent out to
the newspapers by the Fielder cam
paign committee. The "Whitchouse
Review" was the only Hunterdon
County paper that bit last week and
published the stuff in good faith,
but we feel quite sure that it was
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-07-31

mind the future possibility of the
minister Of gospel studying business
economy, advertising campaigns, and
the purchasing power of dollar.
with little theology thrown in on
the side for use when his hearers
tire Of the business talks that he
may be expected to deliver from the
pulpit And this thought is engen-
dered solely because of the apathetic
manner in which many men look at
the call of the church for a few dol
lars with which to carry on its
work.
For years great orators and power
full preachers carried on a campaign
against the liquor traffic, along
moral lines, with no apparent effect,
but some commercialized citizen
rose up and suggested that the traffic
was bad for business. Within few
years many states have outlaWed it
entirely, and thousands Of commune
ties have followed suit in other
states. A few years more will
force it out of business nationally
and the effect upon business will be
so good and lasting that no business
men will ever permit its rehabilita-
ton.
Some Of these days a real genius
in the church is going to study ad-
Vertising campaigns, business
economy and accountancy on the
side, along with theology, and he IS
going to be able to convince a lot
Of hard headed business men that
their future salvation( commercially
as we'll as spiritually lies in the
support of the church. He will be
able to show them that the church
influence creates a class of people
who are the solid backbone of the
community; a class of people who
use and pay for a grade Of goods
which the anti-church people usually
dissipate in Improbable lines. The
church stands for government,
loyalty, and stability and its future
success is not so far off as some may
think.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-07-31
Does Your
Living Cost
Too Much?

borne, a Would-be candidate for
Governor from over in Essex County,
is going to issue booklet, which
will tell all about the high cost Of
living, and probably lead you to
believe, along toward its close, that
if the author is elected to be
Govcrnorship you will find all your
groceries marked down forty per
cent the next morning.
There is but one absolutely sure
way Of reducing the cost Of living,
and that is to not live. There are
ways to reduce the cost Of high
living, by getting down nearer the
earth and cutting out a few Of the
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-07-31

The publication, on
another page, of a
brief outline of the
history of the Ser
. E. Church, brings to
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-07-31

livery wise man has a
parachute If prudence
attached u his balloon If
enthusiasm.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-07-31
Ministers
May Enter
Commerce

geantsville NJ
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
Temnerate Humanity.

The driver OF brewery wagon
stopped at a restaurant where he de
liyered beer and prepared TO water
his horses. He had filled pail from
the street hydrant and was about to
offer II to the near horse when the
command Put that down" caused
him to drop the bucket with splash
Then woman plunged thermome-
ter into the water.
Too cold by several degrees she
said. Get pail Of hot water from
the restaurant"
The driver mumbled what for"
but he was awed by the woman's
commanding manenr and he fetched
the hot water as directed
NOV" she said. pour some Of
that cold water out and pour hot wa
ter into the pail until II registers
about 81 degrees. Then water your
horses. II is cruel to make horse
drink water colder than that. and ev-
cry member of the S. +. c. A. that
have any influence with is going to
keep an eye on you drivers and see
that YOU temper the water you give
to your horses"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
REALLY NAMED FOR STATE
Mississippi River Steamers Originated
Cognomen That Has Now Be-
come Universal.

On the Mississippi river in olden
days the passenger steamboats, were
very ornate affairs. vying with each
other in garish glory. One oSSler hit
on the idea of naming his steam
boats cabins instead OF numbering
them. So he named them In honor OF
the states OF the union. each having
above the door the gilt title OF some
state. the big central cabin being call
ed the Texas" after the largest state.
Other boat owners took UP the idea,
and thus the word cabin was grad
ually alternated by state" room. For
years the best cabin was still known
as the Texas Then that sobriquet died
with the ebblng glory of the old river
steamers. But the word "stateroom"
became incorporated into our Ian
guage. and in time even broke into the
dictionary. as does many another
catch phrase. Not one person in thou
sand WAC occupies stateroom knows
the term once meant "a room named
for state"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
The Young Brides first Discovery.

Their wedding tour had ended, and they
entered their new home to settle down 70
WAT they hoped TO be one long uninter-
rlpted bhssful honeymoon.
Hut alas. the young brides troubles
soon began, when she tried to reduce the
cost OF living with cheap big can baking
She soon discovered that all she got was
a iot Tor her money. and il was not all
baklns powder. for the bulk OF IL was
cheap materials which had no leayening
power Such powders will not make light
wholesome food. And because OF the alb
sence OF ieayening gas, II requires from
Two 20 three times as much TO raise cakes
OF biscuits as Il does OF Calumet Baking
Powder
Thus. eventually. the actual cost 10
you OF cheap baking powders is more
than Calumet would be-
cheap baking powders often leave the
bread bieached and acid. sometimes yell
low and alkaline. and often unpalatabIe
They are. not always OF uniform strength
and quality.
Now the bride buys Calumet-the per
fectly wholesome baking powder. moder-
ate in price, and always uniform and re-
liable. Calumet keeps indefinitely. makes
good cooking easy, and is certainly the
most economical after all Received
Highest Awards: Worlds Pure Food Ex-
position. Chicago. ILL.,: Paris Exposition
France. March. 1912. ADV.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
InfantiIe PARALYSIS

The horrors of infantile paralysis
viii not be alieyiated by the note OF
Dr. Simon Flexner and two associates,
appearing in the Journal OF the Amer
lean Medical Association. that the
healthy parents OF patients may be
carriers of the disease DR.. Flexner
reports that washings from the naso-
pharynx of the parents of a child suf-
fering from an acute attack were moe
ulated on October rs last in a monkey,
the Macacus cynomolgus:
Recovery from the anesthetie was
prompt and the animal remained well
until November IL, when it was noted
to be excitable and to drag the right
leg. The left leg proved to be weak.
November IL the right leg was def
nitely haccid."
Two days later portions of the spi-
nal cord and medulla showed typical
LESSONS of experimental poliomyelitis. /"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
PASSING THOUGHTS

The giver is always cheerful when
there is crowd
A doctor never is i'll and lawyer
never sues anybody.
Most of us will believe lie and in
sist or proof of the truth.
A reformer always seems to be dis
appointed when his reform is adopted.
Before you begin worrying about
something today remember what you
worried about yesterday.
Some folks have skeleton in the
closet, but have Judgment enough to
use it for a clothes hanger.
The man who raises bantam chick
ems would question your sanity IL you
raised herd of pet elephants.
AS soon as man begins to make
money he commences to talk about
the advancement OF civilization.
Think of an egg staying in cold
storage for years and years wonder
ing If it viii finish az an omelette or
custard
When a henpecked man goes to
heaven he must be always worrying
about the day when his wife will ar
rive on the scene.
An optimist is a man who tells you
how much worse luck you might have
had; pessimist is a man who tells
you how much worse luck he has.
For little boys lie is a STORY .
For older people it is a "falsehood, /"
for politicians it is "roorback." and
for dignified folk it is .misapplica-
ton of the facts"-but it is just as
big lie all the time
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
IrrecIa,mabie skeptie.

How big an income should a young
man have before he is justified in get
ting married? This question is asked
in various departments of the Sunday
papers at various seasons of the year.
and it is variously answered. Condi-
tons change and domestic happiness
changes with the conditions.
The best answer we remember to
have heard was given by a cynical
bachelor and skeptic last week. This
person was in the newspaper office
when the woman editor opened her
mail and read forth this question:
Gould young couple be happy on
5000 a year?"
Sure they could" answered the
skeptic eagerly They couldn't live
together on it."
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
Winter SONNET.


A stream is ripping through valley
where
1t rippled twenty thousand years
ago,
And probably when it began to flow
Some pebbles it is washing now were
there.
And doubtless, as the stream ran past
the fair
Green stretches to the greater
stream below
It gladdened some one who. with
cheeks agiow,
Sat by it's shore, stranger to all
care.
But what care II others by the
stream
Once listened to the tinkiing tune 1t
made.
Or gladly sat and saw the pebbles
gleam,
Or watched the shadows that across
it played?
sit in easy comfort. warmed by
steam.
And dictate to girl who is dream.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
COFFEE THRESHEp HER.
IS Long Years.

For over fifteen years" writes a
patient, hopeful little Ills woman,
while coffee drinker. suffered from
Spinal Irritation and Nervous trouble.
! was treated by good physicians. but
did not get much relief.
Il never suspected that coffee might
be aggravating by condition. (Tea is
just as injurious, because it contains
caffeine. tho same drug found Ii, cof-
feel | was down-hearted and dis
couraged, but prayed daily that I
might find something to help me.
Several years ago. while at =
friends house drank cup of Pc &.
um and though / had never tasted
anything more delicious.
From that time ON | used Postum
instead of coffee and soon began 70
improve in health, so that now | can
walk half dozen blocks or more with
ease, and do many other things that |
never thought | would be able to do
again In this world.
My appetite is good. | sleep we'll
and find life is worth living. A lady
of my acquaintance Eaid she did not
like Postum. it was so weak and taste.
less.
Il explained 10 her the difference
when # is made right-hoiled accord
ing to directions. She was glad ia
know this because coffee did not agree
with her. Now her folks say they
expect to use Postum the rest of their
lives Name given upon request
Read the little book The Road to
Wellville," in pkgs. There's Rea
SON
Postum now comes in concentrated
powder form. called Instant Postum
1t is prepared by stirring level tea
spoonful in cup OF hot water. adding
r2gar to taste. and enough cream tc
bring the color to golden brown.
Instant Postum is convenient:
there's no waste. and the favour is M
ways uniforr Sold by grocers-4s "a
50-cup tin 80 cts, 30 to lO0-cup tin
50 cts.
A Soup trial tin mailed for groeer's
name and sent stamp for postage
Postum Cereal Co. Ltd. Battle Greek,
Mich.-Ady.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12

Nearly everybody is obliged more or
less to take a laxative. There are Of
course few exceptions A great many
people also need occasionally to fake a
tonic. Probably few households exist
that do not make use Of tones and
iaxatives.
The remedy Perrna is laxative
tonic. 1t not Only operates as gentle
laxative, but also as a tonic.
The benefit derived from such a
remedy is a great deal more in the
prevention Of disease than in the cure.
After a person has really become sick,
either with an acute or chronic all
ment. the rule should be to employ a
physician. or some one who can give the
case bis personal attention. But long be-
fore this happens the person viii complain
Of this or that symptom, which Is not Sc
we're enough to interfere with his regular
activities. II at this place before the d.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
AutOIsts conslder Proposed statutes.

Autoists Consider Proposed Statutes.
Proposed laws for regulating the use
of the automobile in Wisconsin came
in for thorough discussion at a meet
ing of prominent motorists. held at
Milwaukee.
Harry A. Apple. secretary Of the
Wisconsin Retail Dealers association,
acted as chairman, and James r.
Drought was secretary Before the
meeting ended. committee of FIVE
was appointed to consider statutes
which will be drawn up by MIR.
Drought, and which the legislature will
be asked to consider This committee
consists of Russell Jones, Kenosha;
Henry Kimberly, Oshkosh; NJ. c.
Moore, George A. West and l. c. Kick
man of Milwaukee.
The following suggestions were
among the most important recorded:
Signal law. requiring all cars to be
equipped with an abrupt warning sig
nal.
Universal light Law, every moving
vehicle being required to carry light
at night
One registration per year for an
owner
Imposing severe penalty for automo-
bile thefts, making the maximum pen
atty as severe as now governing the
theft OF a horse.
Heavy penalty for those who take a
car for Joy riding" purposes.
The sense of the meeting was to ask
the state solons to give an equal pro-
lection to motorists and pedestrians
Those present also stated their conf
dence in the present legislature in en-
acting statutes which would prove of
benefit to the state. The recon-
mendatlons that the committee win
make to the legislature will be thor
oughly studied by the committee be
fore their passage will be urged. Har-
ry A. Apple. chairman OF the meeting
Is ex-officio member OF this committee,
II was learned that the members are
strongly opposed TO the wheel tax, the
proposed contributary negligence law,
a tax based on horse power or weight
and lower limit on speed
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
Road Mems Meeting.

On February 1921 the second an
nuat road school OF the Wisconsin
highway commission win be held in
the Madison city library for the bene-
1t of the road builders who are under
the direction of the commission. Most
Of the men have had years expert
ence and the experience win be drawn
upon in the practical Instruction Of
fered. ARRANGEMENTS have been made
for exhibitions of moving pictures
showing the construction OF concrete
roads, and discussion by II. ]. Kuei
ling.
There also viii he an exhibition
Of moving pictures by brick manufac-
turers showing the construction OF
brick pavemeuts. Every phase OF road
work In every part OF the state win be
discussed. There viii be an exhibition
of road machinery and OF surveying
instruments by various manufacturers.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
A TONIC LAXATIVE
Pe-ru-na, an Up-to-Date Family Medicine That
Should Be In Every Home

sease has really gained foothold in the
system, person was 70 take dose or two
of good tonic laxative the great major
ity of cases Of sickness would be pre-
vented.
Peruna is remedy that should be kept
IN the house. Its virtue as a preventive
to disease is the thing / wish chiefly to
emphasize.
A slight condition of constipation may
lead to serious sluggshness of the bowels,
biliousrcSs, re-absorption Of poisonous ma
terial and finally sickness. Or apathy of
the stomach in which the food is not rel
ished, may gradually lead to atomic dyspep-
STA or TO the acquisition of some acute dis
ease. For either one Of these conditions
a few doses OF the tonic laxative Peruna
would set matters right This is why the
remedy should always be kept handy By.
When once the value Of Peruna as
household remedy is understood no home
would be without IT, Cathartics, pills and
powders would be discarded. Irritating
tonics would be no longer taken. Alco-
holic drinks would have no place. With a
few doses Of Peruna a vigorous appetite is
produced and If there be any sluggishness
Of the bowels their function is gradually
restored.
Most laxatives are weakening in their
effect. A tonic laxative guards against
this weakening effect. Until right living
has become 80 thoroughly established that
all medicines are superfuous. Peruna viii
be needed. II is exactly the remedy that
meets numerous necessities of the house
hold. Sold at all drug stores.
Mr.. John b. Perkins, p Whiting St.,
Plymouth, Mass, writes: 81 think Pc
runa is a number one medicine. ! was
troubled with catarrh and bowel COM
plant. / tried several doctors, but could
only find temporary relief. ] took Peruna
and am glad to say that IL cured my ca
tarrh and corrected my bowels"
Pe-ru-na, Man-a-lin and La-cu.pia manu-
featured by the Pe-ru-na Company, Colum-
bus, Ohio. Sold at all drug stores.
SPECIAL NoTICE:~-Msny persons inquire
for The Old-tlme Peruna. They want the Pc
runa that their Fathers and Mothers used
TO take. The old Peruna is now called Ka-
tarno n your druggist or dealer does not
keep ~ for sale write tho Katarno Company,
Columbus. Ohio. and they will tell YOU all
about a.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
Hlt the Danger Spot.

A tipplar with very red nose got
a Gays work as II iaborer in a boiler
works. The same day he appeared
before the surgeon at the hospital
with his nose smashed.
Good graclous!" exclaimed the sur,
geon. How did you manage TO get
your nose smashed like that?"
"oh. cried the sufferer. Il put my
nose through hole in the boiler for
a sniff OF fresh air. and the man out
side with the hammer mistook il for
a red-hot rivet. And he only hit once
that's all"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12

When pa was my age ne was glad
To do just as they told him:
He never made his parents sad,
They never had to scold him.
He never. never disObeyed,
Nor punched his little brother.
And day and night he always made
Things pleasant for his mother.
When pa was my age he would clean
His SHOES when they were muddy;
he never thought his folks were mean
Because they made him study;
He always tried his best to be
For goodness celebrated,
And he was praised by aIl-but, gee!
How pas degenerated!
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
His Trouble.

"Cholly I.allypop has been in very
poor health recently. l hear"
Indeed? What has been the mat
ter with him?"
He says the doctors tell him he has
too much acid in his system"
"Oh. suppose that is one OF the
results of the large supply of lemons
that are handed to him"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
To Ron Corn.

Very often corn will not pop quick
~, even over a very hot fire. If you
will put the corn to be popped In a
sieve and pour cold water over it, not
allowing the water to stand on the
corn. it will not only pop quickly, but
he open kernels viii be larger and
lighter and more fiaky than they 9TH
srwise would have been.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12

Yes" said the clerk. as he dipped
HIS pen in the ink and prepared to fill
out the blank Your name, please"
Amelia Whippleton
Nationality
American
Married or unmarried"
"Bcth-twice.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12

employers OF Wisconsin who do not
operate under the workmen's compen.
satjon act we're notified BY the liability
insurance companies carrying Their
policies OF decided increase in rates.
The fixing OF individual rates just as
fire insurance rates are fixed by a
board OF underwater viii be followed
and agents of the allied companies are
al work everywhere securing data as
To the degree of hazard in each factory
and the number of accidents recorded
in the past.
Those who are negligent Of the safe
" Of their employees are facing high
rates. even though they have accepted
the provisions OF the law.
These plans were made public by
Loyal Durand, general agent of the
Employers Liability Assurance asso-
citation. He said that the allied liabil-
ity insurance companies operating in
Wisconsin are determined to eliminate
a great part OF the avoidable acct
dents, which now constituted 70 per
cent. of the whole.
Mr.. Durand stated that the com
panies are determined TO make the
careless employer pay the high rate
for which he is himself responsible.
Wisconsin's legislature, now in ses-
sion, is certain to pass amendments to
the compensation act recommended by
the governor and the industrial board, I"
said Mr.. Durand.
the first of the amendments takes
away the last defense OF the employer
operating outside the act, tue defense
of contributory negligence on the part
OF the employer.
The second amendment puts the
employer under the act unless he noti-
fees the Industrial board that he win
resist its power and provisions.
When the compensation act went
into effect on September !, 1911, it
took away from the employer two de-
lenses in case of accident to employees,
leaving the employer and his attor-
neys the one defense. that of en-
ploye's own negligence.
1.-THE law is still weak in that it does
not fix certain compensation for the
loss of members OF the body, as a fin
ger, limb. or eye, but leaves this to
the Industrial commission.
Liability insurance rates are much
lower in Massachusetts and New Jer-
sey because the two states have writ
ten into their compensation act pro-
visions for each class of injury and
there is not the additional cost OF ap-
peal Seyenty-five per cent. of the ap-
peals now taken to the Wisconsin in
dustrial board are for the purpose of
fixing the amount OF compensation.
The two eastern states also have
provisions in their laws providing for
medical care of the injured by the
employers, while here the employee
may combine with an Inscriptions
doctor and the injured man may re-
main idle while able to work and the
doctor may give attention where it is
not needed and the employer must pay
the bills"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
erIahtcnina Flower Pots.

Flower pots frequently fade into a
dingy color from their original bright
and cheerful brick red They may be
easily frightened again by putting or
binary red ochre In water until il is
about as thick as paint. then painting
the flower pot. which absorbs the
color and holds IT,
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
When She Knocks.

When Opportunity knocks more
than once at your door she may mere
ly wish to oeer you a chance TO buy
a set of books at positively only a
little more than half the publishers
price.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12

Edison says some chemist win
presently discover how to manufac-
ture gold.
What good win that do as long as
nobody finds out how to make hard
coal?"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
aonors In Agriculture

Three men who have taken an ac-
tive part in advancing agriculture in
the state and country were awarded
certificates of recognition by the Uni
versity OF Wisconsin at the annual
ten days farmers course
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12
NJ

Mrs. Plodgitt gets all her gowns
rom Paris"
She doesn't get her French accent
rom there"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1913-02-12

He has heart of gold. grip OF
iron AMI win of steel"
"Humph! He must be man of
mettle"