davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-28
HUMOROUS QU|PS.
Cheerful and Versatile.

The cheerful agent stepped into the
business mans private Office and set
his grip on the floor.
II have here said he. "a patent
glass cutter for 20 cents. 1t Is known
as
Don't need any glass cutterF' snap
ped this business man.
"Ah, you don't need a glass cutter!
Well. then, have here vacuum
cleaner that sells for $40. 1t is now In
use In thousands OF homes. 1t is
81 don't need a vacuum clea
"Well perhaps not. but then | have
something else here that will certainly
interest you. 1t is phonograph that
retails for the small sum of $ll. There
isn't another phonograph In the world
that
II wouldn't buy a phonograph ON a
bet" growled the business man, get
ting red in the face
We'll, l am surprised. But. then.
have here camera which sells Tor
s27. 1t will take the widest scope
mo camera today" yelled the busi-
ness man.
"Well, then. l have S423 automo-
bile. which combines all of the neces-
sary points of the higher priced ma
chimes AND
"For the love of Mike" screamed
the business man; "f1l take a glass
cutter. Here's your quarter. NOW
get out!'
"Thank you," said the agent. That's
all | had to sell in the first place. -
Boston Glnh"-
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-28
Tho Root Of All Evil.

As a general thing when man and
his wife fall out over money 1t Is
sign that he has 1t and she wants 1t.
or she has II and he wants it. or nei-
thpr has 1t and both want it.-Galves-
fn,, Nnwa
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-28

wford-That old doctor OF hi'ue
advised me to take up golf. Crabsha"
Il always told you he didn Ano"
what he was talking about. lou
woutdn.t make q player In hundred
vaars-Puck
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-28
Nerve.

"By the way. Jinks. can you pay that
hundred | lent yeu last week? just
lost all my ready money at bridge"
Look here. Binks: hope yon don't
think I'm going to pay your gambling
debts."- Brooklyn Life.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-28
Where All Are Equal.

The grave IL. suspect. the sole COM
u,onwealth which attains that dead dat
of social equality that life In Its every
principle SO heartily abhors. and that
euuality the grave will perpetuate TO
the end Of time Buiwer-L ytton-
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-28

Galveston. Tex, Feb. 27.-Briga-
dier General Frederick A. Smith Is
In comamnd of the Fifth brigade,
which is now assembled here. Other
brigades are already headed this
way.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-28

The Evening News gives all the news
chen n is naws
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-28
MAX MARGOLIUS
Telephone Orders Promptly Filled. 'Phone 1OA-J.
Cor. Amboy Ave. Washington St, Perth Amboy, N. j.
Escaping the Organ Grinders.

Escaping the Organ Grinders.
Reside close to dentists If you are
not fond Of street music. ltinerant or
gan men carefully avoid playing any
where near the house Of practitioner
who can etreetually stop OF remove all
troublesome grinders. london Punch
Perth Amboy evening news., 1913-02-28

This will be the talk of the town. Lowest
nrices in years. Take advantage OF this sale.
Following prices good for Friday, Saturday ana
Monday.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
THE NEW MAJESTIC.

Vaudeyille-Dixon & Falls-Vaude-
Vile
Dixon & -Vaudeville-Dixon &
Falls.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
MAJESTIC VAUDEVILLE.

Judging from the comments OF the
crowd Who viewed the first vaudeville
act of the season at the Majestic. Il
vas a complete success.
Dixon and Falls proved a clever and
classy team and their clean act de-
serves the appreciative comment 1t re-
eeived. Their singing. dancing and
talking Is OF the cleanest variety and
as entertainers they surpass the usual
act seen in the small theaters. This
is their first appearance in the south,
having just finished an eastern en-
gagement with the sullivan-considine
time They will appear at the Males
tic today and tomorrow. II
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
10 and Is Cents
K. p. BUILDING is SAFE.

chickasha, OKLA. Nov. %. 1918.
Messrs. Evans, Caldwell and Potten-
ger,
Gentlemen: In the matter OF safety
Of the room of building known as X
p. hall. corner OF Kansas avenue nnc
Fourth street. this city:
Having inspected the repairs sug
gested in a previous report, beg to say
that same has been completed by sub
stituting a new roof truss. 50 con
structed as to absolutely insure its
safety for the duty and have no hest
fancy in pronoIncing same safe.
Respectfully submitted.
ELMER E. COLBY. c. Z.
1852
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
CATHOLIC BAZAAR.

The ladies OF the Catholic church
win hold their annual bazaar begin.
ming December l and lasting three
days. Dinner and supper will be sery-
ed each day All kinds Of suitable arti-
cles for Xmas gifts will be displayed.
The ladies are especially invited to
call Location of the bazaar will be
announced tomorrow. l1-2S-2t
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
THE DE LUKE.

Chickasha's latest Improvement
The home OF state right features
Program.
The sensational feature, The
Streets OF New York" in three parts.
This picture is taken from the well
known play by Dion BOucicanlt
FIVE cENTs-PRIcEs-TEN CENTS
Tomorrow, THE Black Snake"
Five piece orchestra Sunday
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
HAMoNY ORCHESTRA PLAYS.

The Harmony orchestra Of this city
composed Of A. f. Odoms, Roy II,
Luster Miss Mae Rishel and 5. f
Ishler. furnished the music for the
Elks BAN at PauIs Valley last Tues
day night and from reports the occa-
sion was a grand succesa. The mu-
sicians pleased the pauls Valley peo-
pie TO such an extent that a return
engagement is already being planned
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28

WANTED--Salesmen and agents,
both ladies and gentlemen; also boys
and girls can make barrels of money
in one of our various lines of just out
specialties. We have the latest spe-
cialties required in every home and
office. We give a free course ip sales
manship to each agent. Regardless of
your qualifications. or the time you
can work, we will show you how to
make more money than you ever be-
fore thought possible. Address J. Het-
eel Drake & Co., Tuttle, Okla. and
send this adj 11-29-3t
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28

Regulate the bowels when the fail
to move properly. Herbine is an ad-
mirable bowel regulator. It helps the
liver and stomach and restores fine
feeling of strength and buoyancy.
Price soc. Sold by Owl Drug Store
and Public Drug Store.-Ady. d&w
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
Ar THE
PLAY HOUSES
-
- =
NrM xoz<
RGH H0<s

Another eraokeriack program to
might
Photoplsys.
"Pathe Weekly Of Current Events
Texas City League. the Sixth L. 5.
Cavalry stationed here is -ept IN Tead-
iness for action in case Of var with
Mexico: Carlisle Indians beating Dart
mouth; also six other subjects.
Two Little kittens" an Edison
drama
-Luella's Love Story" a Nitagraph
drama featuring Julit Swayne and Taft
johnson. 4 classy drama.
a Stopped Clock, a Biograph story
that is different
Three piece orchestra.
FIVE CEkTS-TEN CENTS.
Coming tomorrow. The Dives" two
reel Vitagraph; also G. H. Anderson.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
NOTICE TO MUSICIANS.

The band will rehearse tonight for
the Fox memorial service and all mem
bers Of local 152, unless otherwise en-
gagged. are urged TO attend. The music
Is here and rehearsal will commence
at s oiclock.-O G. Gulcher, Presi-
dent. It
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28

Put a porous plaster on the chest
and take good cough syrup internally
If you would treat severe case OF
sore lungs properly. Get the dollar
size Billiards. Horehound Syrup. with
each bottle there is a free Herricks
Red Pepper Porous Plaster for the
chest. Sold by Owl Drug Store and
Public Drug Store ADV d&w
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
cALLAWAY ENTRIES WIN.

At the big east side poultry show in
Tulsa. Okla, Kendall Callaway's White
Minorca chickens took all of the prem.
iums except on first pullet.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
Not Loss Of Appetite.

Hostess TO young guest)-You
won't have another piece Of pie. Bob
bic: why, you must be suffering from
loss Of appetite.
B0bbie-No'm; I suffering from a
promise to my mother Boston Tran
script.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28

FOR SALE--Good milch COW, with
young calf. Call Saturday or Sunday.
Fred Hubbard, 1923 Michigan avenue.
Phone 367. 1l-2S-2t
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28

FOR RENT-Modern three room
house; gas. electric lights, water. bath,
close in on West Hill; rent reasonable.
Phone 1854 11-29-tf
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28

WANTED-Position by young lady
as stenographer Or general office
work; several years experience Ad
dress Box 523, Chickasha. 1881
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1913-11-28
Program.

"L'Article AZ" is the strongest two
reel melo-drama produced by the New
Majestic Co This plot deals with a
fool police regulation known as "L'Art-
icle A." which prohibits. under severe
penalties, an ex-convict from residing
in Paris-whether his connection has
been just or unjust. There is an in
tense love story interviewer in the
plot and number Of intense dramatic
situations. Something new in the pic
ture line
"Our Children" a Keystone scream
from start to finish "Enufsaid"
Dixon e. Falls, vaudeville sketch OF
singing, dancing,' talking, whistling.
etc. Neat, classy and refined.
10 cENTs-PRlcEs-15 CENTS.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1913-12-19

other urns where steam IL 5sutnSu oii' " $3.50. -
other tub OF peeled ones are being brought rom
the SINNERS,
When they are done the ships cook himself.
who PAGES to and fro in the galley all the wnhe.
mounts upon the nearest urn with his. and tax
ing q great six-foot masher proceeds 70 pouno
them into q white fakey mass 1T for KING
But this Is not all he has to do. either. Inc
turkeys are browning in the long ovens andshe
and his three assistants have continually to open
the doors probe with long forks into the sweling.
breasts and ascertain when to take them out.
The mess tables are all numbered so that eacn
sailor knows just where to go when he gets down
through the hatchway. and he doesn't waste any
time getting there on this occasion. It is indeed
singular and lively scene on the gundeck at this
period, Every mans plate 10 heaped to the Drim
before him and all apply themselves with OAR
ing and disregard for mere stomachs that would
make 4 dyspeptic vince and turn his head. Dozens
Of tables bangle from hooks between parallel col
umns of sailors who seem only restrained from
eating each other alive by the dimsy vacillating
boards which support the food
When these ravenous appetites have been
slaled and even those who have the dilating pow
ers Of an anaconda are put at rest or In pain, as
the case may be, some Of the "old shellDacks VIII
begin to grow reminiscent and tell OF the Christ
masses they have spent in lands where there were
no turkeys nor anything else fit for the big
feed" f
SAYS old Pete. the sailmaker's mate: 81 mind
nothin' in the storeroom but ton OF crusty hard
biscuits full of bugs, when y busted EN- with
the handle We yer knife they went whimty nifty
In every direction-under yer plate. behind yer
cup, up yer sleeve and around the mess pans
But mates that was a Christmas fer yer life! We
couldn't eat the buffalo meat, it was that much
like bolt rope so we drunk or coffee and engaged
ourselves in bug races down the table BY tryin'
all the bugs out we got some speedy ones And
they was speedy. had one that could trot down
that table-trot. mind y'-like 1t was Maude
herself The devil Of 1t was the bloody bug
wouldn't keep in the course between the plates
She'd break fer a hole near the finish i bet big
money on 'er though and after loosin' 20 bones
by her duckn' out of it when she was two whole
plate lengths ahead mind y. / hggered could
head her cff the next time and win anyhow. SO
put up SO bones--5O good cold plunkers on that
skinny little runt of a bug. and strike me blind.
you ought a seen that race! Go! That cussed
little bug slid down that mess table like It was on
ball bearings. headed er on at the hole with
piece of tack and she run clean again the bot
tom board of the table an butted 'er brains out.
kicked over ON 'er back stone dead. But that
race! Whew raked in the coin from the cap
tain OF the hold Christmas! Well. strike me. fel-
lersl That was some Christmas even We
didn't have any eats."
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1913-12-19

pair Of binoculars In the form of two quart wine
bottles dashed together, to his eyes and makes
pretense of getting his bearings by scrutinizing
the sailors about him. Presently he reports to
Sanity. who has deposited his basket of presents
on the quarter deck. "Sir. see we now in the
Cannibal isles
Sanity begins then to pick up presents and
read the names aloud, giving them to the crew Of
'sDer Prosit" and the admirals wife. and even to
the admiral himself, who distributes them accord
ingly. cutting many ridiculous capers.
The presents are of type that bring laughter
They are gotten up and made by the friends of
those to- whom they are sent, with an idea to
wards characterizing the ambition, the within or
the standing Jokes that mark the receiver. II
the captain is four striper he will probably get
an admiral's star. unless he has some other within
by which he is more properly known. When he IL
presented with this he can only blush in the
presence of everybody. and take his dose. as
Sanity is supreme on Christmas day.
But the greatest gift that Sanity can bestow
falls to the lot of those who, through some mis-
fortune or slip have come in line for punishment.
1t is customary for Sanity to walk boldly up to
the captain and ask him to ''whitewash" the
books. In the face Of everybody and on Christ
mas day the captain can not very well refuse this
request. although some captains have been seen
to vince and cough before granting the immeas
urable favor. The report book In which all pun
ishable acts entered is swept clean and the
cuipr1ts are reinstated to nrstclass standing and
enjoy all the privileges held by their more for
I tunate shipmates who have not fallen before the
multiplicity Of temptations that daily assail the
mar-o-warsman
The event which forms background for all this
merriment is the regular big feed" as the sail
call it. For the last week this has crept into
their conversation. Pie. turkey and plum dun
the three great delicacies to the sailors. and
they have more respect for them than for the
three graces.
What kind of feed is the commissary gonna
hand us 2" sailor asks of another. During this
time Of anticipation excitement runs high and the
commissary Is very much respected person. In
fact he is retired person. for his billet is
a hard to fill to the satisfaction OF every one
who eats at the general mess. There is always
some old tar or other who magines himself to
be sighted by the quality of his food. and the
apprentice boys take from him the habit of com
planning with very little reason on their side.
Quarres often result and have to be referred to
the mast where the first lieutenant first uf)
settles the matter in favor OF the commssary. so
that the sailor arranges private settlement with
the commissary later on where the first luff has
nothing to say about It,
The burden OF the repast falls naturally upon
the cooks and mess attendants. 1t is far from an
enjoyable affair with them. although they are an
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1913-12-19
asehonl .for Eathers. .

Miss Ida Stokes Adams. vice-presi-
dent of the suffrage movement In
Pennsylvania, believes with Miss
Mary Murdoch of the National Union
of Women's Workers in London that
there should be school for fathers.
AS men are chefs. milliners, window
cleaners. and SO on in business. she
believes that they should do this work
in the homes, where they are much
more able to do 1t than women. She
did not say, however, who was to
earn the money while they were doing
1t.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1913-12-19

mae the saluting battery ana heavy main battery
eaao. and are manned and AIRED BY the boatawain
Of ssDer Prost, who Is aAponderous man In his
oflcial garb and daring in the way he approaches
the ships whose crews throng the sides and an
awer the salute with a revolver shot from the
Noon
M, sa,,+tn. toras r,s.o hssora ..r,ar proa,t. Il
.,,.,,;s. ha,l,n9 s;stanca" .ana an h.ras h.va III
ssrsh u M inv so,,nda stronr,v contraated II
49, ,ns,,S iii az saIrt - th III .uns Witch
49, snc,,storad :, hssr Nsxt tha hoatswain
gets IN In the bows ana resting one hand almost
an ton af the foremast and lifting megaphone
a long "a himself to his Inns calls out at the top
. 81 His voice F..sbin ahoyin The ouartermaster
enswers rom the bridge Hello. hello. Der
Proait?" cave ave. the boatswain returns
s.fome alongside" calls the ouartermaster Then
che admiral az aDer Prosit" rises In the stern.
aome ten feet Art az the boatswain in the bow his
saas, nm = Level with the topmast and bawls ont
throuah His meeaphoae. can hands fur-r-l sail.
with that the crew Consisting Of one man. who
alao acts In the capacitv Of foehorn gets amid
a,,lps and climbs the mainmast which SWANS to
and fro as IL about to capsize the entire craft
end pulls down all the sails 1.-THE vessel is
standing to- he then calls out to the boatswain
who reports to the admiral over the crews head
who in turn reports to Santa Claus, sitting In the
-
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1913-12-19

bounty that can be gotten to-
gether are used as adorn-
'ments and no end of work
d expended on the rig of the
boat to be used, which is
sometimes the wherry and
sometimes the punt.
In order to hold to the tras
iditionaI custom used in the
time of Paul Jones and down
through the years. the boat
Us rugged like a brig, that is.
with two masts and yard
arms crossing. with jib and
istaysaiI and spanker out
astern. On the fore and aft
or quarters they arrange
Large wooden tubes. In which
are inserted small arms.
These "spiggoty guns" COM
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1913-12-19
Doubts Existence Of Atlantis.

In A. Henry Savage Landor's new
book he discredits the existence of
Atlantis, the island-continent. which is
supposed to. have occupied much of
the sea that now separates Europe
from America. and to have been sub
merged in a great earthquake. The
first account OF the existence of Allan
tbs comes from Plato. who gives the
story as tradition existing in bis
day. but there are still many persons
who cherish the belief.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1913-12-19
Thouoht It Was = Curtain Lecture.

did you give this man the third
degreee" asked the police officer
'sYes. We browbeat and badgered
him with every question we could
think Of"
'sWhat did he do?"
HE dozed OF and merely murmured
now and then: Yes. my dear. You're
perfectly right"
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1913-12-19
AM out.

A minister in going his rounds for
the first time in his new parish came
IT, house with q boy standing at the
door, and the following conversation
ensued:
rs your father. in?
He's DOT"
is your mother IMP
shes DOT"
Amy If your brothers and sisters
inr ~
They're oot."
Il win go in and sit at the fire un-
ill somebody comes" .
It's cot
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1913-12-19

affable lot. The preparation
Nf the potatoes is the work
OF a dozen men, since they
must be extraordinarily nice.
The "skinners" arrange
themselves astride a bench
in range Of a tub where one
man sits and losses potatoes
continually. The tub is kept
full by another man who
dumps in from a sack carried
I down from the upper deck.
So a cycle is made. the clean
peeled potatoes going con-
stantly into another tuD'
which is dragged into the gal
ley and dumped into a great
urn through which water Is
percolating. These are rims
ed around by another mess
attendant and dumped into
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1913-08-22
NO HAMPDEN CONTRACT
Bankers Object to $4,000 Yearly
Rental-Want 100000.

Boston.-Why the decision of the
Boston & Maine Railroad to enter in
to an operating agreement with the
Hampden Railroad has not been car
ried out, has been explained to the
Public Service Commission. Briefly
stated, the Hampden Railroad wanted
the Boston & Maine to pay on the ba-
sis of an annual rental of 100000.
The Boston & Maine objects to that
figure and proposes $4,000 as the ba-
sis. This the Hampden Road is in
clined TO accept, but cannot get explic-
ii consent from the Old Colony Trust
Company, the National Shawmut
Bank and the Commonwealth Trust
Company, owners of the SI,4O0, OO0
stock originally issued by the rail-
road. 1t is said tentatively that the
banks would consent to a contract
based on the 100000 annual rental.
There had seemed to be undue de-
lay in reaching an agreement and the
Commission invited the interested par
ties to a conference at the Commits
SACAA OAhNNF llN SlNhslllOl may Id
become little clearer through the aid
of this conference in disposing the DO.
sitions of the various parties, but no
definite solution was reached and
there seemed to be a consensus of opin-
ion that no operating agreement will
be made, because the terms which are
satisfactory to the railroads are not
satisfactory to the banks which fur.
nished the original capital for the
Hampden road and now hold its
stock.
1t was agreed, however, that any
temporary operating contract should
be of very short duration, and the
Commission decided to SET date as
early as September for public hear
ings on the contemplated lease of
the Hampden Railroad 10 the Boston
& Maine. If an early adjudication is
made that will settle the permanent
relation between these two roads the
contemplated temporary operating
contract may never be entered into.
Both railroads and several banks
we're represented at the conference
and there were few private individ-
uals who said they were interested as
citizens or as stockholders in the Bos-
ton & Maine Railroad Chairman
Macleod of the Commission opened by
stating what he understood to be the
issues involved, and which had led the
Commission to invite the conference.