Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-04-02
The Man
That Figured
By NJ QUAD
Copyright. 1917. by Associated Lit
erary Press.

That gave his name as EZekieI Harper
arrived in the village Of Oakyille and
told the landlord Of the tavern that he
wanted rest and might stay for cou-
pie Of months.
At the end OF three weeks the village
constable. the justice Of the peace. the
leading merchant and others had sort
Of meeting at which it was resolved
that stranger that wouldn't tell all
about himself was probably hiding
from the law. This resolution was
handed to Mr.. Harper by the constable,
and after reading it two or three times
the newcomer carelessly said:
Il kinder want rest and I kinder
want to hgger something out.
but we don't like it. We don't like
it" announced the man of the law
We'll. / dunno what you are going to
do about it."
Neither did the constable nor any
body else. Mr.. Harper paid his board
every Saturday night In good and law
full money, and if he was a fugitive
from Justice he didn't do any skhlking.
Soon after he had been told what the
public thought of him he bought a
tape line at one of the stores. or course
the. clerk that sold 1t to him asked him
what he was going to doswith it, but
Mr.. Harper refused to give out any in
formation whatever. This nearly re
suited in another public meeting But
for the fact that the man was seen
measuring the distance from the school.
house to the bridge the meeting would
have been held and at least three diff
ferent resolutions adopted.
And the next day Mr. Harper meas
ured the distance between the tavern
and mudhoIe hundred feet away.
A day elapsed. 1t was spent by Mr..
Harper in figuring, and he took great
care that his figures should not be seen
by others. Deacon Smythe had al
ways had great good luck in pumping
strangers, and he was called upon to
exercise his talents on the man Of mys-
terry. He took seat beside him on the
tavern veranda and began:
'.Nr. Harper. this town Of Oakville
is inhabited by plain people,"
.tY-e-s.v
"We have nothing to conceal
No.
Then I shall expect you to answer
a few questions concerning yourself.
Where do you come from e
IT believe they call the place Hades
row. but that hasn't changed the tenn
perature any!'
'sir! Sir! This to mer' shouted
Deacon Smythe.
Please don't bother mel want TO.
figger."
When 1t became known how Deacon
.Smythe had been turned down that
second public meeting was held. The
resolutions were bold and red hot The
landlord must give Mr.. Harper notice
to- quit. He must also make oath as
to what suspicious things he had OBJ
served Mr.. Harper must tell why he
came to 0akYille instead Of stopping
at Mount Ivy. He must also make
clean breast Of the tapeline and meas
uring affair If not But he must
The committee named proceeded to the
hotel and reached the place just as
Mr. Harper returned from measuring
the distance between the cooper shop
and the frog pond.
"Sirm said the, undertaken, who was
chairman by virtue of having the
deepest voice. "We must know all
about you or there will be conse-
quences. For one thing the landlord
will turn you OUT
Then he'll get a suit for damages
was the reply.
But, sir, it is consensus Of opinion
that you are a-a"-
Suspicious characterT'
''Yes-ah-yes Yes, sir, that Is it."
Thanks. Tomorrow will begin suit
against each and every one OF YOU"
That shot told The committee left,
and the landlord had nothing to say,
and for three days men shiyered when
they thought of damage suits. Then
Mr.. Harper packed his trunk and left.
In leaving he placed a written ex
PLANTATION in the landlords hands to be
read to all. interested parties. 1t read
as follows:
'gThe distance from the schoolhouse
to- the bridge is just 200 feet and z
inches. What I was figuring on was
the distance it would be IL about forty
old soakers and lazybones in this town
had to let whisky alone and go to
work.
THE distance between the tavern
and the mudhole down the street.
which has been a mudhole for forty
years, is just ninety-seven feet and
four and a half inches. / was figur-
ing on how a shovelful of that mud
could get into the coffeepot every
morning at breakfast.
The distance between the cooper
shop and the frog pond is exactly 234
feet and inch What ] was figuring
On yraS how much loss If yvnuld he If