The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-05

A soldier crossing the barrack
square with a pal met a sergeant,
who noticed that Pat was wearing a
very ~disreputable pair of trousers.
Intending to report him for unsol-
dierly appearance. he stopped him
and asked: Where are you soins?"
Pat. What in those trousers?" mo.
sir, in the pail"
A typical mover Of the ultra
shiftless type was passing a few days
at a COW camp in Arizona, prepare
tory to going into the desert on a
prospecting trip. His wife. a tired
cut, faded cut creature. complained
to some Of the cowhands Of the hard
ness of her lot: and the foreman took
it upon himself to remonst-l.e with
;he husband for his shiftlessness and
his Indifference to his wit"'s welfare.
COMM" said the husband when he
had heard the foreman's remarks.
She Amt got no kick at all. Why,
stranger, when we wuz Akin to camp
of a night many a time I've driv' the
team half a mile u of the way SOS
wood and water would be handy fur
the old woman to fetch."-Saturday
Evening Post.
rival at the hotel, "do you mean to
tell me that this egg is fresh?"
1T was when hit was laid, suh,"
replied the waiter.
And when was that. pray?" de-
manded the guest.
"Ah dunno, boss replied Rastus.
dis yere is nah first season at diss
yere hotel. sub. and therefoah all
CANT tell"
It was at a reception. and the lady
who had been reading up on health
culture mistook Lawyer Williams for
his brother. the doctor.
lis 1t BETTER she asked confidently.
ito lie on the right side Or the left?''
Madame" replied the lawyer, III
one is on the right side it often isn't
necessary TO lie at ALL"
The artists lady friend was being
shown round the studio.
"Oh, perfect" she exclaimed, look
ing at a picture; chose ostriches are
simply superb. You should never
paint anything but BIRDS"
The artist WINGED under the blow.
These are not ostriches." he said,
they are angels"
During some army m~anoeuvres two
officers Of the royal artillery were dis.
putting about the classification Of a
tree. One said it was a birch tree
and the other an oak tree. They could
not agree. so they called a gunner who
was sitting near by, INT asked him II
he could tell them what kind Of tree
1t was.
The gunner looked up and down the
tree. walked all around 1t, drew his
sword nj began cutting 1t. The Of
ffcers asked him what he meant by
them and answered:
II am trying to discover what kind
Of tree 1t is"
Inspecting the cash he had made,
with h air Of a sage the gunner at
length delivered his long expected
verdict:
It's a wooden one. sir"
When a country doctor in Maryland
arrived at a certain patients house
he found the mar in a cornatose con-
dition. a circumstance that necessitat-
ed several hours of restorative labor.
How did this happen" demanded
the doctor, when the trouble wal over.
OHN yoA 9AsS Ia lAo VOWUSr j leIL
Yes. SIR" responded the fearful
wife.
"As much as would 90 on a dime
and no more?"
Yes. sir. we done just like you said.
that is. We couldn't find no dime, 80
shook a nickel and 1--WE cents out of
Billy's bank and gave him just what
they would carry"
Mrs. Aliens new servant came to
her the morning after her arrival and
said:
day: I'll o stay any longer"
Going 70 leave!" cried Mrs. Allen,
in amazement. Why in the world
are you going to leave SO soon?"
We'll, num-" said tine girl, when
1 came Yesterday mornin' you gave
me the keys to yer trunks and draw
ers anI jewel cases to kape for yez."
Why. yes, SO I did," said the mis-
tress; that showed that I trusted you
What is the natter"
We'll, yer see. num-" said the ser
want "fhev don't ono ~ so~ a. d