The Washington times., 1913-10-12

discovered at last-the real hOneSt-to-
goodness name-blown-in-the-bot ele.
ment Of successI
Here in the Capital celebrated per
| sons are so thick one could step on
them-that is. provided one is husky
| enough and doesn't mind short arm
| tab as a comeback.
With 50 many laurel-crowned brows
in our midst the recipe for obtaining
the wreaths ought not to be difficult.
But the dark secrets of those earlier
days are now about to be dragged forth
and barred to the gaze Of a heartless
public.
Mr.. Gray's prize graveyard Jingle in
forms us at some length that the path
Of glory leads but to mortuary statis-
! tics. and wholly neglects to say where
the trail begins. ....
We now proceed to scoop Mr.. Gray's
elegy piece by giving out the real situa-
don: namely. to-wit. to-woo; the bright
highway to fame begins in the wood
shed or its modern equivalent. the fire
escape Of Suite 523. Lollypop apartments,
to the tune Of q switch or whatever's
handy.
However. the setting for the third act
climax is unimportant. No matter
whether the action takes place In the
privacy OF ones own coal cellar, the
principals office or Louis Ounce draw
ing room. the effects on Exhibit A re-
main the same. For q week thereafter
1t Is a hard matter to adjust oneself
to ones environment at the dinner Ia
BILE. The subject Of the sketch prefers
to remain standing while the other
Spangled Banner with the dishes.
So be Of good cheer. paper-wadding
small boy who has felt the croo-el sting
Of fathers slipper beneath thy boyish
belt. Thou may live to be a great man
some day and make speeches about the
and you know it hurts father worse
than II does you anyway. Father Is
real sensitive about it.
All our best little authors agree that
there is no cross-country hike to fame.
Likewise some Of Washington's best
citizens. both regular and volunteer,
agree that laurel leaves are most likely
to sprout on q hickory switch.
Here are the intimate confessions,
with Vice President Marshall leading
the Hickory Stick League with a bat
ting average Of 500. Ladies' and gentle
man. we have with US tonight
By VICE PRESIDENT MARSHALL.
II cannot recall any specific case,
Just now. but got In round numbers
about 600 Ncidngs. I never got spanked
In the grade school though. Mine were
all OF tho homo talent variety, person
ally conducted by my mother, a good
old-fashioned Presbyterian. who be-
heved In tho liberal use of the rod.
1T Is useless to ask me to recall the
first time, for there were 30 many firsts.
I was only an average boy. got the
average number for the average Of
lenses and they all did the average
good
II try to forget the unpleasant things
Of life, even to this day. 50 why should
I remember wbippings? | do recall.
however, that when i went to school /
avoided punishment, for il 1 got whip
ped there / was sure to get another
not so much TO avoid doing wrong as
1t was to avoid the second whipping"
Now comes Secretary Josephus Dam
iels, head of the United States Navy,
with q real thriller. 1t has TO do with
cannons and cabbaRes and a Fourth Of
July celebration which was not of the
denatured variety, to say nothing Of an
executive session with the maternal
slipper.
BY SECRETARY DANIELS.
when was l spanked first?''
You've asked me something difficult
to answer, unless you will take a
blanket reply-I was whipped all over
when a. kid and often enough 10 beat
into pulp any remembrance | might
have of them.
But I can Well remember the last