The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1913-04-10
BnKINS MAKES GARDEN
Tries to Persuade Mrs. Bilkins
That Wilson Would
Fix Things
BELIEVES In FREE TRADE

/ Democrats VIII Use Wicked Ian
/ guage Against the Trusts as Usual.
! But That Is All-Every body to be
Put on the Pension Roll This Time
Democrats Trying to Give Many
/ Millions for Pensions, Though Most
OF the Soldiers are Dead-Good
! Roads and Promises.
/ Correspondence OF The Caucasian
Enterprise.
/ Bikinsville. n. c., April 7, 1913.
/ Me an Betsy hev bin havin a great
/ time maxim gardin'" an sich like.
| I tole the old woman that OWN to
| the change in the administration We
need not be very particular about
/ givin' any special attention TO garden
! truck durin' the next four years az
President Wilson an Billy Jennings
/ Bryan air runnin' things. But Betsy
alters wuZ sort ov Populist-Republi-
/ kin an haint much faith in Dyma-
+ krat politicks since Cleveland broke
into politicks an purity nigh broke
/ the country. "Will the Dymakrats
plant corn, beans, cabbage, parsnips
an inguns?" axed Betsy, AN will
/ they send sich things around free?"
Il reckon not" sez |, though
Z some ov uz believe in free trade
! when the Republicans air in the
saddle.) No, they il not goin' to
/ be anything free" sez |. We air
goin' to reduce the tariff horizontally
an perpendicular, too, an we air 60
/ in to use wicked language against
! the trusts with one hand an pat 'em
on the back with the other hand. The
way we air goin' to give releef an
make everybody feel guide il by put
/ tin everybody on the pension roll
/ Ov course, | know that We Dymakrats
raised a lot ov fuss about the Fed
eral pension list bein' so large-that
| paid to the Union soldiers. We call
ed hit a big steal an said hit wuz
powerfully unreasonable an told the
voters in the South that we would fix
awl ov that. Didn't we fix hit? Whar
| the Republicans had been payin' mil
lions in pensions we through the last
Congress, a Dymakrat outfit, made
the list several times az large az hit
ever had been an who il kickin'
against hit? Certainly not the Fed
eral soldiers, for eight out ov ten ov
them are dead, for the war hez been
over nearly fifty years, an most ov
them air dead an can't kick. But
we Dymakrats air still givin' them
pensions an speeches-pensions that
most ov 'em can't collect an speeches
they can't hear. Ov course hit looks
like we promised to do one thing an
did somethin' else. But that liz awl
rite; we Dymakrats are consistent in
that"
But 1 wuz talkin' about maxim
gardin'. Betsy hez bin lookin' around
to get her beans, peas, an mustard
seed tergether fer the last two
months. She sez she saved plenty ov
seeds ov awl kinds. But she can't
| ind EN-. She saved ennuff tomato
| seed to plant two acres. she says. but
not one ov them kin be found. Betsy
axed me to help her hunt things an
| intimated that l orter sorter bend my
back an help to dig an plant. But
l just can't do hit. We Dymakrats
hev got big job ov maxim guide
roads on our hands rite now. An
the last Legislature promised to give
the dear people six months free
schools an reduced taxation. We
added about $4,000 to the general
school fund, which, when the votes
air counted, will add about six hours
to the leigth ov the school term an
maybe the six honors will be con-
sumed in holding farmers Institutes
or somethin' foreign to education.
But what air you goin' to do about
hit, dear people? These farmers in
stitutes air great institutions. The
men-who run them, IL separated
from the National and State payroll
would awl starve to death in six
weeks, so Betsy sez, l don't know
anythin' about hit myself. Her argy-
ment IL that a man who don't know
anythin' about farmin' can't tell 9th
ers how to do hit. Why, North Caro-
lima spent thousands ov dollars a few
years ago to cure ordinary toe itch
an made so much fuss over hit an
the danger ov lettin' hit go on with
out careful treatment that a guide
many folks went crazy over hit. The
thing wuz worse than a mad dog
scare. The whole thing, after hit
boiled down. ended in a prohibition
campaign an sand clay public roads
which air worth about 80 cents a
mile or nothin'. But we separated
the dear people from their money an
raised taxes 80 to SO per cent, an
so everybody IL happy once more. We
built sand clay road from Bilkins-
Vile to Pine Hill an several people
Continued on page 3.)