Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1913-12-16
HANDBOOK FOR HUSBANDS.
Women Know How to be Curious,
but Men Make Blunders.

Henry, when he was quite sure She
was down at the other end of the fiat.
What | mean is they have curiosity.
Any fool knows they's curious, mean
ing queer
Eyes, sir, they never take anything
for granted. Men always do, that Is
married men. They do if they know
what's good for em. You hear me
son?
Now, take the man that ate the
first oyster He was woman, more
than likely. That is to say, she was
probably a man. You know, twas
woman ate it, or else she put him up
to it. Probably got him to open the
shell and then double dared him. same
as Eve.
Her desire to know whether it
would poison him, together with his
dodbusted pride, laid the foundation
to the immortal oyster fry in box,
of which, young friend, she has been
the midnight recipient ever since. See
what mean? He got the first oyster
and she got the information and all
the rest of the future oysters
Now Adam. OF course he wasn't
married to start with. He was merely
happy. Then the snake gave him cur
iosity, which he had no business with,
and he began to wonder what woman
looked like. One came along and mar
ried him. And marriage then became
the mother of invention, and has been
ever since. Get the idea? All the sons
of Adam are leetle tainted like.
Don't 60 by me, son. Look at his
tory. Hannibal, he had curiosity; the
male kind. He was itching to see what
sort of a collar and elbow customer
Scipio was. He wanted to see Scipio
very badly. He saw him very badly,
and he saw his finish at the same time.
"And how bout Haroun Al-Raschid.
the original Arabian date maker"
He was curious. Do you know what
happened to him, son? No? Well.
neither do L, but it was sure some
thing awful.
"And Richard the Lion Hearted,
and Peter the Hermit, and the painted
redskins who wondered what Billy
Penn wanted with their golf links;
and Wiley Riley, and Gen. Izzy Put
nam and Cotton Matner, and Aguin-
aldo-how bout 'em? All curious, by
gracious, and lodging bricks. That is,
the survivors.
"See what 1 mean? Mans got no
business trying to be curious success
fully. No, sir Now take me. I'm not
more than so SO on wondering about
things When l slip my foot and he
gin probing around l get mine. You
hear me son? get mine plenty.
Last Tuesday think it was. I
comes home along about the regular
time feeling round about the usual
way. goes in and takes off my shoes,
puts on my slippers and house coat
and waits for the dinner bell.
"All right Pretty soon it begins to
ring. Up gets and goes in to dinner.
Like that. All right.
Say, son, she had layout there
that was something neat and nobby.
The hand that Yields the ladle rules
the world, all right. Our cook came
with a trunk full of references that
smelled like chirography exhibits in
divorce suit. She had references in
every language-but you can't eat
references.
" But my wife is some cook her.
self. You know what she had done?
She had chased the cook for the day
and had got up the whole feed herself.
Honest, son, could have kicked my
self for eating lunch.
Henry she says, sit down. she
says, and eat it all up she says. I
cooked it for you
well, you know me. started with
glass of water, and was going
strong when we passed the last quarter
with a near cup of black coffee and a
piece of pie like mother couldn't make
If she got the recipe direct from Mrs.
Gabriel. When l romped across the
finish line with toothpick in one
hand and a finger bowl in the other
was so contended and peaceful l
was breathing to the tune Of Now I
Lay Me Down to Sleep
Then chaos! Then the house Of
cards crumpled up into landslide
and l got it good. At that psychology
ical moment, as they say in the class
les, began to wonder why, wherefore
and how in The fact is began to
be curious
"'Wife,' l says with difficulty on
account of the too much feed, wife.
| says, accept the assurances of my
consideration. You have done
yourself proud l says. And, prithee.'
| says, why this unusual but most
delectable repasto banquet says.
Did you expect company l says.
mo, she says 4 didn't expect
she says, and that is just
what l got she says, like that, sort
of disagreeable. 1t may interest you
to know, Henry, she says, thai this
l,,a oh,