davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
en't you glad, dear?


Aren't you glad, dear?
Mr.. B. (blithely)-A mess Of hard
| shell crabs! Well, well. It's good
long time since ] really tackled one in
It's lair. I'm going to enjoy this feed !
the picking. don't you?
Mrs. B. (gaylyt-Eh-huh! Wei just
| have q picnic, we two. and eat as many
as we please. Goodness knows what MY
Mr. B. (blandiy)-weil. I'm good for
a dozen at least Gee. you got q lot OF
'em there How much did they, stand
Nh. B. timpr.s.iveiy,-Youn be sur:
prissd when I tell you. James, All
and big whoppers, too. They say that
a dozen makes a pound Of crab meat
and they soak you dollar pound
| for II In the fsh markets Maybe there
isn't profit in that, eh? =,
say. And even II II involved skilled Ia
| Dor you might make allowances for
their charging such price But, picking
a crab, why, any Kid en- do It! Well,
you feel like eating crab meat. get the
crabs and pick 'em as you go along
| just as I'm going to do now.
Mrs. B. helping herselD-rm Just
crazy to get at 'em. Say, how do you
begin It's 50 long since I've done it,
Mr.. B. (explaining)-You take off the
top part of the shell first. But I've
| kind of forgotten whether II comes off
easily from the front or the back. Both
ways Of this particular animal seem
Mrs B. (prospectiyely)-oh what's the
use Of trying to take the animal apart
in a scientific way? Just let's smash
EN-" --'..-r 70 o..
Mr.. B. (dryly)-No. 1 want something
with Just one point, like er-like a scarf
pin, only heavier. You see, want 10
Mrs. B. (saggesting)-would a hatpin
Mr.. B. Cstruggling)-No. It isn't strong
enough. The icepicki That's 1t. Civ
me the good. old icepick.
(Mrs B. dashes ou; into the kisnhen 70 ;
'hs Mr. r. Syiciously)-Ah. ha. Now. " u
tentacled monster, we'll see who co n
Quers,
CManes a stab at the crab. There ts q
'uSGsn MEs 'P5a'h b htsGSnrieEins)-James, n 70 u.ve
spattered all my brand new lin serie
MI Mr. B. drately)-I don't care! The
blamed thing bit me!
Mrs n. ucily)-It's dead and Good ked.
Mr.. B. (dispiaying his finger)- Well,
look at these marks. II you don It be-
the claw too tightly. that's al.
Mr.. B. CLOSING his teeth hard)7h haySe
thing open-but / am! =
Deliyers a blow with the handle OF the
ic. pick The bouquet holder In tn = center
Of the table upset.. delugins the pl zee. and
n goblet falls to the floor and sma; hes.)
Mrs b, fslsettofully)-James! You're
breaking things!
Mr. B. with concentrated ,enom)-
Yes, madam, and I'm going 10 break
this crab, among other things
Delivers another deSthTHheaiing h blow
wiping your hands on the rugE
Mr.. B. (breathlessl-Got1a! Used up
everything else in sight:
Mrs. B. (placing a OBTAINING hand on
his arm)-I don't feel like ssting crabs.
James. I've turned against em. James,
/ want a boiled egg!
How much did you say thesyt charged for
crab meat?
Mrs. B-A dollar a pound
Mr.. B. Cmopptng crab Juice from his
forehead)-well. I'll be blamed II I can
see how they do II at the I,rice!
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
Conduests of Constance
BIZ AIma WeodpaTd

xirls-just watching. yuh know. not
takin' part In tn roughhouse at all I
wuz standin' on a soap box watchin' tn
Indians pass, when all Nv a sudden
somethin' hooks by German silver mesh
somethin. hooks my German silver mesh
ITy course I thought II was bein' lifted
by a amachoor until ! looks down an
sees It's caught in a order Nv m Gold,
en- Flea. or somethin, wore IN tn iapei
i'Well, one Nv tn fellers in our party
"a regular limb he wuz) seq: Come on
M. Ethelred, an watch tn percession.
An he pulls his nibs up by the vhis-
kers on tn, tomato crate ne WI, Mus
NV his Chautauquan life! He wuz a
sure enough clip when he got started.
An even though tn other two girls
wuz more tn broiler cut than me, he
seemed to think / wuz particular pip
yes an so he did.
''I never could get out Nv him where
he hailed from. II wuz always out
West when yuh ast HIM But tn
thing what made tn fiercest hit with
So thoughtful in all tn little things
chuckfui OF social chores-just like
he'd had some sister to teach him. An
I got quite fond Nv tn guy. An then
one day, just after he d confided to
wuz, he asst me to get married an go
back West with him. So l seq, real
somber an consolin':
"'when did yer wife die
AN he sez. clipper an mirthful:
"Oh, they amt deadn
Then l wuz sure / had 'eln until he
divulged. under pressure. thai he come
from Utah. out West. An on cross
examination he further said that there
wuz a merry little family NV three
L~a.. ~
spring In tn stucco an hollow-tile
homestead out yonder. The gall NV
him, So ] said:
We'll, " there ever comes a day
when yuh want to take a inventory an
get rid NV tn old stock by quick sale
an take on a new line. cunsfstin' NV
ONE grand little helpmate. yuh en-
send me night letter I sez. But
until that time back to tn Incorporated
company Ter yeurs.' ssz,"
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
HE DID, BUT

When Vice President of the United States goes forth
TO address large audience Sunday decent respect fol
the opinions of mankind demands that he talk of something
more important than slit skirts.-New York World
sHe did. 1t merely happens that the more i'm
portant things omitted from the newspaper &C
counts because too many newspapers have come to
imagine that freakshness and foolishness interest
the public more than anything else. They have
reached that conclusion in considerable part because
of the unfortunate example set to them by the
World. leader in journalistic frivoliY and froth
quite as much as in solid character and real excel
ience
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
THIS& THAT
A SUPPLICATI0N.
With sometimes Ltttte Of the Other

CApropos Of the opening of the vaudeville
seaeon.)
Good UaudevilIidns, notD that yox
Are urequipocaIIy here,
And since IN hare to struggle through
Another ududevHIy yedr-
II Pm to Hpe the season out,
I'ue one condition to enact:
Can't you arrange to do tcithout
The educated canine dctf
IN suffer through the dcrobdts,
The famous Juggling what-yor-coil,
BoIindo Of the bounding hats
Come on oith 'em! PH 90 them oHi
The vocdI quortette's comic BIT
WM cen hare poloer to ottraet;
PH praise them all " you'll omit
The edacctsd canine act.
I mean this as no Idle jest:
II you tooEId have your theaters.
packed,
Despatch that everlasting pest,
The educated CANINE oct.
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
FHE HOME RULE COMMITTEE.

correspondent addresses to The Times an in
quiry which, in of its aspects, had occurred to
this newspaper, and doubtless TO good many people:
Washington, d. c., Aug. 81, 1913.
EDITOR of The Washington Times
SIR: A gentleman, by name, w. J. Frizzell, men,
Der the Home rule Committee" is fighting very hard
70 oust o. p Newman District COMMISSIONS. and
understand, before the whole affair will be settled a
yood pile of money will be spent by through Mr..
rzze for this patriotic mission So would be kind
.nough 10 answer through paper the following:
Who are the members OF the home rule committee;
What their official purpose; who is contributing the
money GUST Mr.. Newman, and what is the main
ION behind this fight?
lam kind Of suspicious about the whole affair and
hnk the people of Washington should know little
more about 1t.
Hoping that you will try to enlighten the public
IN this local issue, ! remain,
Respectfully yours,
WILLIAM LUNCH
226 Eleventh Street Southeast, City
The Times is not in the councils Of the gentle
men who are fighting Mr. Newman. II doesn't
anow who they are, aside from few leaders in the
movement whose names have appeared ccnspicuously
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

hu sband is something like umbreLa-noboE heshates
borrow him feels conscientious scrups aboH returning
him. and ~hoeb happens get hold Of him last claims m for life
Jus ik the vanity of stand by and watch s wife pnt
suc transformation, and bunch of piucus, and then
he boks quite good enough along NTH ho
so much.fls a toupee to cover his bald spoh
DON'T forget that the who asks for kiss tonight may
ask the other girl to forgive him for it tomorrow.
porry about whether or not her hat
need harrow his soul for feat she wH become
"uss ixed' by suffrage or by anything else
When wife for the ne leaves the family
subs the of food found aron the back yards and
family husband the of comfr he can find around
hk roof gardens.
The hardest task of oping we to denouncs suffrage in
hay to please her husband without offending her cook
Reforming husband from mani point OF pep, consists IN
sitting meek around and waiting until husband gets tired OF
toe and too old to take interest anything but his meals
The modern mans kiss smacks too much Of ssassurancs
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
What's on tie Program, /
Washington Today

Concert by United States Eneinesr
Band, Franklin Park, 7:3o p. m
Meetings. evening:
Masonic-National Lodge, No. 1e; Ar
minus. No. IS; Myron NJ Parker, No.
q; King David. No. 3. and Mt Pleas
ant. No. %; Lafayette Chapter. No. S
Royal Arch; Mispah Chapter. No. &
Order OF the Eastern star.
X o. T. M.-Brightwood Tent No (
Maccabee Hall. Brightwood; Metro
Degree OF Pocahontas. Fifth and @.
streets northwest.
Odd Fellows-washington Lodge, No. G
Golden Rule. No. q. and Amity. No
q.
Red Men. Idaho Tribe. No. IS, North
east Temple; Osceola Tribe. No ls
Tenleytown; Waneta Council No. 8
Degree OF Pocahontas. Fifth and @
streets northwest.
No. I; Excelsior, No. "A. and Myrtle.
No. 25.
Golden Eagles-Monarsh Castle. No. 4
Fifth and G streets northwest
Amusements.
Columbia-"Cousin Kate" Sis D. m
Poli'S.Hawthorne. U. s. A." 2:i5 and
Gsyety-"Taxi Girls ais and s:ls D. m.
Cosmos--vaudevilie. continuous. from !
TO 1875 d. m
casino-vaudeville. afternoon and even-
ing.
National-Motion pictures. els ana SIS
d. m.
Glen Echo-Amusements.
chevy Chase Lake--Concert by Marine
hand, dancing and other amusementa
Great Falls-Music and other amuse-
coIoniaI Beach-Steamer 81. Johns
leaves Seventh street wharf every
day except Monday at . a. m. Sat.
urday. % .. m.
Luna Park-Dancing and other amuse.
ments.
Marshall Hall-Boats leave Seventh
street wharf 10 a. m. $50 p. m. and
$50 D. m.
River View Park-Roats leave Seventh
: gsssst wharf 10 g n. and ?. m
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
TO MANAGER GRIFFITH.

WHO was reported as willing to bet tina
the Climbers would take three out OF
four from the AhIetics)
II Is not mine to crittcise,
Nor yet to caution aud Gdvtse,
Nor Is Il mine to single out
The points that you t0ere torong about
But please, old man, merit time that you
Get notions similar thereto,
Drop in at my Mt. Pleasant flat
I wouId hare taken some Of that.
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
Concerts Today
By q. S. Engineer B and, franklin
Park at 1880 Up. m.

CHIEF MUSICIAN FRANK ].
WEBER. Conductor
Marcn. INIT Sang 1ind Klang'
Meinardus
with Song and Sound.)
Overture. THE BEAUTIFUL Gala
tea -. .....,- .Suppe
waltz. Danube Waves" ..Ivonovici
spanish Serenade. ANITA. Allen
Faltaxfa, Echoes from the Met
ropolitan Opera House. .Tobani
Medley, Popular Melodies. Snyder
Selection. Madame Sherry"
Hoschna
rwo-step. ''7nstiine Resimentai
BAND u..t.m... ,.-.,........R Rcmick
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
SeIf-Eyident Truth.

Poor fellow! You say that your wife
and family are starving-where are
Weary willie-Dey are boardin' a. .
summer hotel lady.-Puck-
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

While the suggestion is the copy
desks that Congress have a standing
committee on investigation OF New
Haven wrecks
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
Good Stories
Decided Too Early.
By VIC

: = AIRY. aged fourteen. was,found
!" one day by an older sister
lvl sobbing and crying. What 10
the matterr' she asked. With
great concern.
Three boys have asked me to 60 to
the dance tonight" was the unexpected
reply.
well. my dear child. certainly that
is not such q terrible misfortune,
Yes, but I told the first one that
would 60 with him, and the last one
was q long-panter!'-Harpe Maga-
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

The Wheelbsrows obstruct Our View
g. s. X: Suppose Pennsylvania ave-
nue. is torn up-what do You care?
A. B. N
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

Any up-to-date dancers who have IN
vented a slangy dance and can't think of
a name for 1t are referred to the Mexi-
can village that the rebels have just
taken. Durango.
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

An idea. A prize Of dozen photo
graphs OF that Government kiosk fer
the first correct answer to the ques-
ton: why is Pennsykvania avenue
torn up7' Our notion of a hard fob is
endeavoring to arrive at the answer By
observing the seemingly aimless actiy-
tiles Of the worhmen.
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

Occurs that the principal prop for a
newspaper starting in Business these
days is a list Of the wrecks on.the New
Haven road
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

Pervaded with alarm at the prospect.
circumbound by doubts and nrsgivfngs,
we loosen. the info that q 10 per cen,
solution Of this precipitous palladium
will appear in this space next Sunday
yes. sunday-and as many Sundays
thereafter as we keep out Of 81. Eliza
beth's. Our Sunday edition-but why
should we reveal the good things1 Order
your copy today.-Adv. :.
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
Well, What II They Are?

Sir: Special! Messrs. Held .and Gum
are paperhangers here.
r. J.
DelAvan. Wis.
And. as far as that goes, Mr.. Parson
is a Harpers Ferry minister, F. p.
Hackney is a Georgetown nveryman n.
and one Horn sells automobile. accessor-
les in this town.
The open season for the wheeze about
hunters mistaking guides for deer and
rabbits is again with US. and gosh, how
we dread Il!
As we caper comproomward with our
copy the esteemed Climbers are in the
act Of Hoping for an Even Break.
Failure to get the breaks. in fact, has
been one Of the Nationals great mis-
fortunes.
Hence three cautionary words, o
Climbers. II you'd avoid slipping into
the second division:
Get the brakes = 49,.
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

Oh,
Dear,
Yes!
G. g. K:
Do
you
get
Just
much
salary
for
stuff
this
way
The Washington times., 1913-09-02
DOMESTIC
DIALOGUE
Profit and Lossl

= RS. B. (ushering IN her spouse)
M Nov James. Just look what
|" I've got for you this evening
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

as you do when it's set like this7
NJ NJ NJ
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

The amount that the New Haven will
pay ex-Prexy Meilen during the next
five years is $4,000. This coils expert
statisticians figure that $4,000 would
buy $4,000 worth Of safety devices.
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

Travellers on the high, from a finan-
cial standpoint. seas are today buying
the ships newspaper for ten cents and
agility have at last been forgiven. On
land you get it for one cent. Moral -.
Again the heading: Girl Shot at
Calumet" The last time II was: Man
Shot at Boston" Sufficiently, conspicu-
Gus targets.
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

The educated canine oct.
The Washington times., 1913-09-02

Hence three cautionary words, o
Climbers. II you'd avoid slipping into
,ha .erond division.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-07-16

compound and now | am stout, we'll and
healthy. | can do all my own work and
can walk to town and back and not get
tired. l would not give your Vegetable
Compound for all the rest of the medi-
cines in the world. | tried doctors med
lclnes and they did me no good. Mrs.
MARY EARLEWINE, r. +. d. Nos, Utica.
Ohio
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-07-16
WEST BRATTLEBORO.

Miss Ruth Allen was an over SUNDAY
guest of Mrs. l.. H. Patch.
Hartwell Pike ana son, Ed Pike
spent Sunday at j. S. Woods
/ Herbert Ingram of Dummerston is
visiting few days with his brother
Clarence Ingram.
Mrs. Rodney Foss of Boston, is eek
pected this week to spend some time
/ at Fred Marsh s.
Mrs. D. Z. Vose of Vernon was OBJ
Grated upon at the Melrose hospital
yesterday by DR.. Lynch.
John B. Adkins of New York city
VIII come tomorrow to spend several
| weeks at d. w. Harris $
Mr.. and Mrs Wallace Bond of
Springfield, Mass, are guests of Mr..
Bond 5 father, l.. Z. Bond.
Perley Allbee of Townshend is at
his home for a few days, being called
here by the illness of his father.
Mrs II. T. Weatherhead is spending
the week in Springfield, Mass, with
her daughter, Mrs. r. D. Hawkins.
Helen Bigelow of Providence, r. L..
has come to remain through the sum
mer with her grandmother Mrs. Mary
Bigelow
Miss Hazel Wilcox, who had been a
guest at the home of O. G. Coyev
three weeks, returned to her home in
Fitchburg today.
Mrs. II. T. Miller and son, Stedman
of Lynn, Mass, came Monday to visit
at the home of her mother, Mrs. f. $
Fisher, two weeks
Mr.. and Mrs. j. G. Peek of Green
teld, Mass, returned to their home
yesterday afternoon after week :
visit with Mr.. and Mrs H. c. Souires
&. G. Leonard of Springfield. VT
general agent for the Phoenix Mutual
Life Insurance company of Hartford.
visited his cousin, f. r. Mann, vester-
day
Miss Hattie Haven of Westboro
Mass, who had been guest of Mrs
\. {. Walker, went yesterday to Lon
donderry to stay the rest of the sum
mer
Mrs. Gilbert Morse s two daughters
Mrs. Frank Beverage and Mrs. Benia.
min Goethe, and their children Of
Brooklyn are expected today for a
visit.
Harry Dowley, who has started in
business for himself this spring, has
painted several buildings, including
the church and parsonage, and has the
promise of several more Mr.. Dow
ley's work has been giving excellent
satisfaction.
The Near and Farther Lights society
Of the West Brattleboro Baptist
church will hold their regular meeting
next Thursday afternoon at go
o. clock at the home of Mrs. Herbert
Thurber. All members are requested
to be present.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-07-16

/ William Akley is having a new YER
anda built on the front of his house
and IS having the one on the ell part
repaired.
Blossoms may be seen on one of the
apple trees in R. B. Thomas 5 or
chard. Apples are growing on the
same tree with the blossoms.
Leslie Lee came to the home of his
parents, Mr.. and Mrs. Eli Lee, Sun
day. He has been working for his
aunt, Mrs. Eta Akley, and came home
on account of illness
Miss Hazel Wilcox of Fitchburg,
Mass, came Friday to visit r. b.
Thomas s family. She returned home
Tuesday. Her parents, Mr.. and Mrs.
Charles Wilcox, lived for many years
on the Wilder Buffum place
Mrs. Jane Bishop, sister of Mrs.
0. j. Hale, fell in the dooryard re-
Gently, hurting her left arm. She was
foot IN a wire fence No bones are
broken, but the doctor SAYS it is worse
than a break. She is not getting
along very well
The Sunday school of the West
Oulltord Baptist church observed chill
dren 5 day July Is. About 125 per
sons found their way to the church,
where they We're very pleasantly enter
tanned by the children. Recitations.
songs, exercises and drills made up the
program, and the children all had their
parts well. The musical part was I'M
der the supervision of Mrs Homer
Thomas. Mrs. w. NJ. Akley and Mrs.
I'll. [. Kemp had charge of the liter
airy program. The church was decorated
with ferns, wild flowers, roses and ev-
ergreen. At the close of the exer
cises the pastor, H. |. Kemp. gave the
children short talk about the little
foxes that spoil the vines
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-07-16
Camping oqestions

Are YOU going camping this sum-
mer? Perhaps you have intended to
every year until you thought of some
little pet luxury you would have to
forego.
In the first place, that rusty. microby
cup can be avoided by buying an
aluminium one. and of course all the
dishes and cooking utensils should be
OF nonrustable metal. Aluminium
camp sets for two. four and six persons
may be bought for $3.50. $1,000 and
$26.5O. They include cups. plates,
bowls. knives, forks, spoons. coffeepot
and various other pots and pans for
cooking, and all fit into each other so
as to require the smallest possible
amount of space in packing.
The tents themselves are of numer-
Gus sizes. styles and prices One STYLE
Is large wall tent of waterproof can
vas. well protected from the heat by
the fly which covers it and extends
beyond its edges. Another style is
made up of tanalite. with f1y which
can be raised as roof for dining
room or lowered to protect from storm.
dow in the back. This tent is priced
at S35.
Very few furnishings are required.
and all that are used should be of the
folding variety. A folding canvas cot
with steel frame may be bought for
S2.49 While this cot will bear an I'M
usual amount of weight, it is one of
The lightest ones made, weighing itself
only fifteen pounds
Folding tables of vanished pine
wood sell for S2.9I, folding camp stools
from "A cents TO 50 cents each, chairs
from Al cents to 50 cents each and
canvas reclining chairs from % cents
10 1924
The stoves most frequently used are
simply sheet iron boxes. with small
chimney attached. and one. two or
three lids. The wood fire is built on
the ground and the box inverted over it.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-07-16
NECKWEER NOVELTIES.
Frillings Made of Fresh, Crisp White
Grape

Very few of the new gowns have
high collars. and aside from the suit
ability of this fashion to warm weather
the ways in which it is presented are
decidedly attractive. Never has there
been a more charming fashion than
that of soft folds Of net, tulle or lace to
outline the neck. These are drawn sur
pice-ike across the bust above a flmy
vest. which is usually employed to fill
IN q gown above the girdIe
There are many waist models that
have tichu of WHITE cotton net drawn
about the shoulders and halfway down
the front of the waist where it meets
a cross line Of cording which tops a
waiStcoat of net mounted on white
china silk. Lace is not used at all in
these models, so that tiny net frillings
edge the drapery about the throat.
Another new touch is a frilling made
OF crisp white Grape. This may be
bought by the yard and may either be
used as a fat border for a net or chif
ION trimming or set so that it stands
up from the edge Of the neck. which
opens medici fashion. Mannfsh little
waiStcoatS of net or mouSseline are
trimmed with prim rows of buttons
down the middle and sometimes ac-
companied by little vest pocket.