Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-01-18
At the End Of the Rainbow.
HARD TO PLEASE.
By Walt Mason.
By Walt Mason.

Now, I'm going to have my own way
and call DR.. Starbottle," exclaimed Mrs
Jamesworthy, with decision. You've
neglected yourself long enough, and il
You don't have proper treatment you'll
be down with pneumonia or something
worse
If 1 had a sick horse 1 wouldn't trust
it in Starbottle's hands, replied James
worthy. Il don't want any meas.y old
chlrurgeon pirootins around here. pre-
scribing filthy drugs and charging a dol
lar minute. If you'll just keep hands
off and leave me alone, Mrs. James
worthy, I'll be right side up with care IN
a day or two. If there's. anything more
exasperating than a married woman |
don't know what it is. Her husband
can't sneeze but she wants to ring up
all the pilljammers in town and run him
into debt up to his bald spot.
Things have come to a pretty pass if
man can't enjoy a little sick spell in
his own humble home without having to be
bullyragged and badgered i'm this way 1t
was far different when was a bachelor
Then, II L was feeling under the weather,
could repair to my own boudoir and
smoke and rest and have a good time
until l was tit again, and no frenzied
female could order in doctor or hold
my nose and pour patent medicines into
my person. man sacrifices every
privilege when he gets married.
You know how deeply prejudiced l
am against doctors They have insane
theories about germs and microbes which
don't have the seal of my approval, Mrs.
JameSworthy. We all know that these
germ theories are bunk. If man falls
i'll he can trace his sickness to its cause
without any trouble. My present indis-
position was caused by standing on the
porch in my Shirt sleeves while north
wind was blowing, and there wasn't a
germ in sight. Yet if DR.. Starbottle or
any other old calomel fan came here
he'd say that germs did the trick. and
would dope me accordingly with deadly
poisons. me doctors NOWADAYS never
prescribe anything but deadly poiSons.
Their one ambition is to kill the alleged
germs, and it never seems to occur to
them that the forty-rod dope that will
kill the germs is liable to kill the patient
too.
Things were different when I was
young. Then every woman who was old
enough to be a wife and mother knew
the medicinal qualities of all the herbs
and plants within ten versts. She was
skilled in yarbs and simples and she
knew how to brew a harmless tea that
would make an invalid get up and crack
his heels together and yell with happi-
ness. She never heard of this germ
foolishnesS and was the wiser for it, My
mother knew more about medicine than
all the doctors in this state. If / had
a bad cold, as ] have now, she'd go to
the hedges and highways and collect an
aprOnIul OF DurQOck ana Dull missiles and
Usage oranges and other products of ma
lures laboratory, and then she'd stew
them for two or three hours and hand
me the broth in a dipper, and when
had drunk that I'd tighten my belt and
go out and whip a brace of bobcats.
1.-The old-fashioned family paid out
mighty little for medical attendance. The
doctor never was summoned unless 1t
was necessary to have a leg sawed off
or something like that The mother al
ways did the doctoring and didn't charge
a kopeck for it. SO the head of the house
had. a chance to put a few leather coins
in the savings bank. Times have changed
and the wife and mother of the present
day has but one ambition, which is to see
her husband escorted to the poorhouse
by a deputy sheriff. You know very
we'll that 1 don't need any doctors. All
YOU want is to run up a big bill that will
set me back like everything"
For years and years.. said Mrs.
Jamesworthy, you have been ridiculing
the homemade remedies you had to take
when you were q boy. There never was
such a contrary mortal. And now I'm go
ing to call up the doctor"
'.Have your own way, madam. cried
dramatically. When you
are bending over my cold clay. seeing
that my white cravat is on straight, per-
haps you'll wish you hadn't harr1ed me
to death"