The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-02-08
From the HickeyviIIe Clarion

Inc bartender at the Golden Nugget
hit Hod Peters with cake of ice and
Hod is goin' to have him arrested for
carrying CONCEALED weapons.
Old Man HaskinS is one of the hest
prophets in Hickeyville and environs.
He predicted the long hard winter the
time the pieplant froze and he predicted
1T almost as soon as it happened. lie
has seen Deacon Stubs COW rubin
up agin' the east side of the corn crib
and he says this is a sure sign that we
are either gOin' to have a fine mild
open-faced winter or tight one He
Will be able to tell exactly which about
the fust of April or maybe some time
in March. Mr.. Haskins predicted the
San Francisco earthquake only twenty
four after it happened.
Uncle Ezra Harkins sets a pile of
store by his false teeth which he sent
to Chicago fer and in order to make
EN- last long as possible and not wear
EN- out at meal times he puts 'em in
his pockit, putin 'em in his face agin'
as soon as he has finished eating
Uncle Ezra got his teeth from a mail
order house and he had to bite on a
piece of putty and send the impress
sion of the interior of his face to the
mail order house by express and the
teeth got here the next day. They
fitted him purity good excepting that
he can't git his mouth shet and there
is gap about a quarter of an inch.
He is some afraid that he will let
cold wind into his face during the Sc
we're weather this winter and give him
the influenzy or the pewmonia, but he
has decided to run the risk and be
stylish if it kills him.
Elihu Purdy,. our druggist, says if
there was an eighth of a cent profit IN
postage stamps he would have been a
customer nowadays buys a 2-cent stamp,
soaks a dollars worth of heat, eats Is
cents worth of candy off the trays and
then borrows pen, ink and stationery to
write his letter.
The buckwheat contest for Hickeyv1l.e
was won this season by Mrs. Lemuey
next Thursday to try for the county
championship. Mrs. Higgins baked 40
eating contest was won by Elmer Jones
over Hold Peters and Hank Tumms the
other two contestants. He ate fifteen
more cakes than either of his rivals bu-
Hold Peters claims that he is going to
contest the decision, for he found niEe
teen pancakes in Elmer's pockets after
brought these pancakes with him to eat
on the way home if he should get hungry
The committee has the case under ad-
Since Mr.. and Mrs. Lem Higgins got
their new six-cylinder self-starter they
have been Obliged to pay cash for their
groceries. The ShopkeeperS are getting
some suspicious of prosperity that runs
around on rubber tires
Mr.. and Mrs. Luke Sphinx are buildin' a
home for themselves and think they are
gettin' off pretty cheap So far they
have spent only $3.50 more than the
architects plan called for.
I wouldn't trade places with ]. PierpoHt
Morgan. Nobody cares hang how l got
mine. because L haven't got it.
Nobody can criticise your work more
severely than the Teller who depended
upon it.
A Teller who doesn't keep his head in u
crisis amt got a head that is worth
keepin'.
-Iiss Pansy Tibbitts' new skirt is 50
tight that She can't help her mother wiJfJ
tie homework.
No Teller kin be clasSed as among the
truly rich until he has been called to
testify before the money trust investigat-
ing committee.
1t is a durn sight easier to run oat-
mobile than it is to buy one.