New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-06-11
AS | WAS SAYING

Beware Of poets. A sly roguish race, they will
pink YOU 10y surprise. Example: Mr.. Alfred Noyes
on militancy. militant runs his explanation
is a lady driven to violence and crime by her morbid
reluctance TO vote.
And how logically he backs it up You know the
leaders are salaried. and If women got the vote
they would be out Of job" Hence hlgh ou
carnival OF smashing and burning whenever Pariia-
ment betrays an eagerness to enfranchise the COOK
81 can't understand such demonstration except FOR
such purpose II seems though otherwise they
would walt until the night after, and see how II
came out"
For this Jolly Interpretation we feel grateful to
Alfred and trust he is fully covered by insurance
1t is comcal OF course-a Governor OF Massachu-
sets unable to quel a strike in his own mill-but
do not laugh. for IT is also sad. What will become
II Eugene - Foss when he can no longer produce
his blowers and other hot-air contrvances?
a." SAYS Sir AImroth Wright am unlike the
German professor VINO rides first class and has his
wife ride third" Now place your ear to the ground
and hear that German professor conceaIng MS
identity 10y multitudinous chorus Of "Ach Him
mel. neins'
We read that a lightning calculator has been dis
covered among the lunatics in an asylum at Nantes
When YOU ask him to tell you how many billions
answers in less than minute.
This simply shows how little the art OF hbbing Is
understood at Nantes The best tradition requires
that whenever lightning calculator tells how many
seconds there in the life Of Methuselah some
one must shout: Wrong You've muned IT this
time. I've worked the whole thing out, and mere
are the figures"
Whereupon the lightning calculator receives an
armful Of papers. gances at the first few sheets
looks up grinning and chucNes: Just a.
thought. You've forgotten the leap years"
Reaction has set in. so matter how lean you
were, We can make YOU fat" Pictures Before
and After" Testimonials: Had many lucrative
offers. and came accepting Barnums. All up
now Weigh 1870" During the past decade have
been a model FOR the skeleton. Took one bottle
OF your marvellous PREPARATION last week. and am
now posing as sienus.' This Is from senior
at Columbia. Thanks TO three doses of your rem
edy. / have become positively unsuitable. and eN-
poet "a summa cum aude.'
Well. only applaud the new style. though
IL will bc a great strain on the taIors and dress
makers. We once lean ourself II was very
inconyenent, as missing meal would have re-
suited in total extinction. and were much ham
percd In our business los terror Of going out
Of sight OF a restaurant.
Al here comes the booksellers urchin bringing
NJ Jusserands new book Ronsard. We foresee
richness as IL Ronsard who expended much
time and labor in writing his condolences TO n
widower that when they reached him the fellow
had taken a second wife.
As usual there Is fear Of minister famine, but
we shall put foot In II. There have been
minister famines ever since remember.
There always Will be. And invariably they ac-
companied 10y innumerable ministers. Also. We
hear that the grade is petering." 1t always
peters" Look back fifty years. hundred, two
hundred Same wall, And. finally. hear that
the influence Of the Church is not what ii was. No.
and it Oh. gloom! For which the cure
is an acquaintance with present day clergymen
match EN-, If YOU canD and little information
about present day churches. Fact is brethren, the
faithful are joking
No wonder Japan can be patient! The Califor-
MIA state University's baseball nine is there
getting beaten right along
1t is impossible to restrain Mr. Ellis Parker But
Ter from riding bareback in the amateur circus at
Flushing but hope there is still time for an
anxious nation to reason with his mount. Dobbin,
if YOU love us trot carefully II. l.. ii.