Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-03-20
A DEACON's
REMEDY
By M. QUAD
Copyright, 1912 by Associated Lit
erary Press. ::..

Carter were married Deacon Roberts
rubbed bis hands together and said to
his wife: .s... +.
"A happy match, my dear-a very
happy one" -.... III. u
Both are religious" answered the
wife. > .-.... -"-#. f..
"Yery religious. Neither has skipped a
sermon or a prayer meeting for years"
1T will be one long, happy day for
them" -.... .~
1T surely will. This match was made
In heaven, whether any others have
been or not. shall be only too glad
to take them by the hand and CON
graduate them"
The fact that Philetus was an old
BACH and Euniee an old maid and that
they had eourted for three years before
marriage had nothing 20 do with it.
This Is a free country. and one may fall
I'm love at sixteen or wait until he Is
forty. ~.~s>.
Yes. the happy pair were religious
and belonged to the same church; but.
though many things were discussed be-
fore marriage. religion was laid away
On the shelf and left undisturbed. That
they had II and lived by it was enough
And yet there was surprise In store
for both. While church members. there
were certain things open to doubt In
their minds. 1t was Philetus who first
gave expression to one Of lis doubts.
They had been married a month when
one day he called attention to the phys
ical fact that Jonah would have suffo-
Gated inside Of two minutes in the
whales belly had he been swallowed
But he didn't suffocate," replied Eu.
nice. i
Because he wasn't swallowed"
What You doubt it?''
II must say do"
Eunire said no more. She sat down
and gasped for breath and an hour
later visited the deacon In bis real
estate office to relate the incident and
ask for advice.
I'D ieetIe rather Philetus believed
that Jonah was swallowed" replied the
deacon, but can't say that his disbe-
lief Is goin' to keep him out of heaven.
I've met some good men that kinder
SHE'D of from that story"
"But OF course he was swallowed"
.sOf course, but 1t shouldn't get up
any hard feelings in the family. Better
go home and say nothing more"
1t was Eunice that expressed the
next doubt. She did .it by asking Phi
Ietus if he really believed the children
of Israel crossed the Red sea dry shod.
why. of course they did," was the
reply.
..But there were some pnddles left,
even II the waters rolled back"
"You never mind about the puddles.
There wasn't any sidewalk built for
them as know OF. but nobody got his
feet wet" t~~
Eve often wondered whether they
did or not"
Then away went Phlletus ID Deacon
Roberts to relate the incident and said:
1T will be dreadful thing II 1t
turns out that have married an unbe-
lever"
. .'Oh. guess Eunice Is ali right"
drawIed the deacon. Its woman's
way to kinder doubt. Even my wife.
who got religion when she was 'ieven
years old. seems to be ieetle shy on
some things. Eunice b purity sure OF
going to heaven when she dies"
Both Eunice and Philetus ought to
have been satisfied after an Interview
with the deacon, but such was not the
case. And they ought to have had the
sense not to bring up other subjects OF
dispute. but those who have once start
ed a wtangle on religious matters are
agreed that 1t Is hard thing to break
of. The newly weds found 1t 80.
There were more doubts, more dis
putes. more calling on the deacon for
sympathy and advice. He was a good
natured man. and for weeks and
weeks he bore with the disputants.
Then Philetus came again. and Eu-
nice came again. and the deacon's linn
It was finally reached. He didn't con-
suit with the parSon. his wife or any.
body else. He Just sat down and had
a good think and then told his wife
he guessed he'd drop down to the
postoffice and see II there was a postal
card from his brother in Vermont
Philetus and Eunice were having q
hot dispute over the leaves and fishes
as the deacon walked In on them with
out knocking. .....
"I'm glad you came" cried both IN
chorus. -
Som II" he said as he began to shed
his coat. ..@s': ... 81 >.--'-..s... H..
What IS II, deacou?" r.-.
"Philetus. ! am going to give you
gaul burned good whaling. and. Eu.
nice. I'm going to lock you down cellar
for two whole days You've disputed
and wrangIed and come to me till I'm
sick and tired Of H. thought yon
had some religion and little sense.
but ding my buttons II you've got
ether" -. =. ILL.,. -: -.
But, deacon ..: ..~@.:= ~.
mo butts about IT, You either prom.
ise to quit here and now or I'll pro-