The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-04-09
ABatch Of Smiles

Owing to .fog, a steamer stopped at
the mouth OF a river. An old lady in
quired of the captain the cause Of the
delay.
Cant see up the river" replied the
officer.
But, captain. l can see the stars
overhead" she argued.
Yes" said the captain gruffly, 'but
until the boilers bust We amt a-goin'
that way."-Everybody's Magazine.
On the morning Of election a farm
err came into Hiram Morse's black
smith shop to have his horse shod.
Purity busy this morning. Bill" in
quired Morse as he raked the embers
Yep" answered Bill. "Hain't got
hardly time ter &c ter tn village an
vote"
"Wall. I'm purity busy myself" said
we'll do he added after a moments
thought I Longs yer a republican
as they do in congress. an! neither on
us vote. What do yer say?,"
Bill agreed to the proposition. but
after election 1t. was found that the
blacksmith had paired off with every
republican customer who had come
into the shop.-Metropolitan Maya
zine. .
A writer relates the following Incl
dent. A few years after the war he
had occasion to visit Richmond with
his family, and. living at the time in
the county of Patrick, fifty miles from
any. railroad station. very few Of the
darkies in that county had ever seen a
railroad train. A nurse was a neces-
sary part Of the family equipage, and
I he had EQ0nro6 tho Sorvfoa0 NJ a r0oI
black specimen, about fifteen years OF
age, who was as quick wittcd as usual.
but was as veritable a Topsy as ever
"growed." The party took the train
at the nearest station, and after a
few hours u a broken rail threw
the train off the track Some of the
cars made a revolution down an m
hankment and some were lodged on
it's incline at an angle Of forty-fve de-
srees. Great consternation. of course,
ensued. n men We're shouting ana
the women and children screaming.
After great difficulty our party
steep incline Of the embankment.
Finding no bones broken with wife or
little one. the writer. who was sur
prised at the placid. undisturbed ap.
pearance Of the nurse. who,. holding
the baby in her arms, looked upon
the scene as II nothing. had happened,
said:
"Milly were you much frightened? %
mo, sah," she said, II thought 1t
always stopped that way."-Harpers
Magazine.
In some cases abbreviating a name
improves 1t. In others it doesn't. For
instance. the Tubbses thought they
were doing honor to the father Of his
country. as well as to their first-born
son. whom they named George WASH
ington Tubbs.
But when he grew up the handle
proved too long. so everybody drop.
ped the George. shortened up the mid.
die name. and called him simply Wash
Tubbs.-Judge.
An Irish horse, dealer is said to have
sold a mare as sound in wind and iimh
and without a fault. 1t afterward APP
peared that the poor beast could not
see at all out of one eye: and was al
most blind in. the other.
The purchaser. finding this. made
heavy complaints to the dealer and
mare % be without fault. H..
ITO be sure" replied the other: 'to
be sur I did, but then, my dear, the
poor creatures blindness is not hel
fault. but her misfortune"
Captain Road Amundsen. Norway
famous explorer, tells this story about
a National Guard cncampment mi
summer:
A new volunteer, who had not quite
learned his business. was on sentry
duty one night when a friend brough,
a pie from the canteen.
As he sat on the grass eating pie
the major sauntered up in undresi
uniform. The sentry, not recognizing
him, did not salute and the major
stopped and said:
what is that you have there?"
Pie" said the sentry. good
naturally.
apple pie. Have a bite?"
The major frowncd.
do you know who I am 2" he ask.
mo-" said the sentry. unless you're
the MAJORS groom" ="
The major. shook his head.
"Guess again." he growled.
1.-THE barber from the village?"
NO"
"Maybe"-here the sentry laughed
-'maybe you're the major HIMSELF.
That's right. ] am the MAJOR
was the stern reply.
Tho sentry scrambled to his feet.
GOOD gracious" he exclaimed
Hold the pic. will you. while 1 pre-.
sent .Arms!"---Harper's Weekly. ,