Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-01-26
BY JAMES HAY. JR.

Leaving the league and sporting editors
desk, he struck Washington, made a big
reputation for himself as a political writer
called everybody "coz,' studied current
events with avidity, voracity, and perspicac-
ity, and finally bobbed up as the Percheron
of Wilson's progress. He is some press
agent, the leading OculiSt of the public eye.
And his instruments are a sheet of carbon
paper, a pleasant smile, and that "coz"
stuf-not to mention such other minor
"props" as the walking stick and good clothes.
president TAFT, in discussing not long
ago how political ambitions may fail and
how offices may 60 to people for whom the
Organization" did not intend them, told
this story:
Mr.. Saswell was a Southern gentleman
who lived in regal bachelorhood and had as
his cook and butler an old negro named Sam.
"Sam," said Saswell one afternoon, al
want turkey for dinner tomorrow. And
| don't want wild turkey. l want regu-
lar, tame, domestic fowl
At dinner the next day the turkey was
served, and Caswell was Mortified, when he
cut into the bird, to see nine or ten buckshot
drop on the bottom of the dish with great
Clatter.
~Sam!" he roared. Il told you not to get
me wild turkey
"Deed, Boss explained Sam, dat amt
no wild turkey. You amt never see wild
turkey wifi all dat white meat on him."
"But here are the buckshot with which it
was killed, contradicted the Southern gentle
man. ats wild turkey, because it was shot"
Jaw, Boss, said Sam, "dem was intended
for me-"
OWING to the Democratic victory last
~ fall, Senator Simmons of North Caro-
lima becomes one of the strongest figures in
the upper house of Congress. But there was
time when he showed great weakness at
the polls. AS young man, he was running
for the House of Representatives, and his
Republican opponent was colored man.
One of the supporters of Simmons made
speech shortly before election day, saying:
"Mr. Simmons is powerful man in
Washington. He goes to Mr.. Cleveland and
says, Give me fifty thousand dollars for a
public building in my district Mr.. Cleve-
land gives him the money. Then he goes
to MIR. Cleveland and says, Establish forty
new postoffices in the State of North Caro-
lima And Mr.. Cleveland establishes the
pOstOffices. l tell you, Simmons is a mighty
man in Washington
The colored nominee answered this as fol-
lows:
"Mistah Simmons is a mighty powful
man. he goes an axes TO dat hVe nun ed
thousan' dollahs, an he gifts it. An he goes
an axes fo' dem fawty postoffices, an he
gifts 'em. But listen to me- black man, dis
here man who kin git anything he wants
fun Mistah Clevelan' will 60 to him mex
wintah an say. 'Mistah Clevelan', put all
desc here niggers back into slavery SO dey
can't vote ag'in' me any mo- Den whar
will you be?"
Those few we'll chosen sentences beat
Simmons at the polls.
MRS. CHAMP CLARK was engaging a
IVA new cook. The applicant, nice look
ing woman made fine impression on Mrs.
Clark. After the usual preliminary ques-
tons, the Speakers wife asked:
"Can you really COOKE
"Can | cook.' exclaimed the applicant.
al should say can cook!"
"But are you good COOKE"
"Am l good cook!' echoed the woman.
II go to mass every morning
NOT ENOUGH GOATSKINS