The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-09-10
"But the plunks to pay for them. O

ulOEe uHdLclng. Tell the
goose man If he doesn't hand them
over like one two. three. I'll pun !, poll
tax of $40 a year on every goose he
raises. When you have the geese in
the lake notify Professors Jed and
Jedson. the great n%aturalists. that l
/ want to see them here"
Murphy got a hustle on him, and in
the ourse of a couple Of hours three
old ganders and as many fxmule geese
we're padding around the lake and the
two naturalists we're awaiting the
kings commands.
Arrival Of Naturalist.
"Gentlemen." said the ruler as they
bowed before him. II understand that
you a lame every bird and beast in
Persia"
I'VE can, your majesty" was an
swered in chorus.
"You can tell a from a chicka-
deer"
"Just as easy as we can tell q COW
from a mince pie"
"And a woodchuck from a bearY"
Believe us, o king"
"Then take a little walk with me. I
have some rare birds to show you. and
I want you to give them a name"
The professors had no doubt they
could, and they winked at each other
and swelled out their chests as they
walked along. When they reached the
lake the king pointed and said:
sRofo1d thu rorook h@r6a &. ,I Aho
land"
"Rare!" repeated Professor Jed.
"Rare!" echoed Professor Jedson,
THAT'S what I said. Can you give
them a name?"
"Why, ruler of a big chunk of Asia,
they are only geese! was answered.
"W-h-a-t!"
"Just three ganders and three Coos
les"
Just Plain Geese.
"And they are not a rare species of
swan, right from the Tammany hall
flock?"
mot on your motherin-law, O
king"
"And I've been stung?"
"They have sideswiped you the
whole length Of the train"
"But I call them nashadoodle
swans"
Geese, your majesty"
"Then 1t Is to be inferred that I
am an easy mark"
"Hem. hem"
HEN. henri
professors Jed and Jedson," said
the king as he turned upon them, ARE
you well posted on the constitution of
Persia"
I'VE are" was the reply.
"Then you must know that to dis
pute your king is death. and you have
disputed me.
ITO giggle at your king is death.
and you have giggled at me.
ITO infer that your king Is a bone
head and an Uncle Rube Is death by
boiling oil, and you have so inferred.
ITO humiliate your king is death by
driving you full Of carpet tacks. and
you have Inundated me by the same
as saying that l don't know a swan
from a goose.
ITO regard your king as second class
stock is punishable by death by being
dragged around at the heels of an ass,
and you thus regarded me when you
thought l had got down to giving my
lake up to six old geese. Murphy. what
shall be done with such bold villains?"
"They must be put to deathr' was
the solemn reply.
"Spare us, o gracious king!" cried
the professors as they grovelled be-
fore him.
Death to the Dastards.
may, your reverence" protested
Murphy in response to a wink. "These
r prominent men and are guilty of
the basest treason, and an example
must be made Of them"
II think so, toe, butt
"Spare, spare!"
"But. Murphy, they seem r~epentant."
I'VE are, o king. we are"
"And do you now believe those birds
to be Tammany hall swans?"
I'VE do. we do"
"Am l an easy mark?"
"Never. o king"
"Um. um! Murphy. mebbe they'd
like to contribute a modest check each
to the cause Of the heather in the
United StatesY"
"Willingly. most gracious one!" was
chorused.
"And mebbe those modest checks
would read for a thousand bones
each?"
"They-they with signs and mental
cuss words) wouldv'
swell, then, l think I'll pardon you
this time, but let it be a great lesson
to you. Draw the checks and make
your hike"
And when they had departed the
king looked at Murphy with curling
lip and said:
And you call yourself a fnancier!
Three thousand dollars today, and Just
as easy as falling of a log!"
"And. alas. n Thousand ~ ~ UNA