The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-08-19

on the tablecloth. One day Johnny
was observed rubbing his finger for a
long time owe the cloth at his plate.
John, what are doing?" said his
mother at last.
Nothing. 1 vas just trying to rub
two spots into one."-Judge.
General Frederick D. Grant said to
his servant one morning: James, I
have left my mess boots out. I want
them soled."
Yes, sir" the servant answered.
The general dressing for dinner that
night. said again: II suppose. James,
that you did as I told you about those
boots?"
James laid s5 cents on the bureau.
Eyes, SIR" said he, land this is all
poral who bought them said he'd
have given half a dollar if pay day
hadn't been so far Off"
A drill sergeant was drilling the re-
cruit squad in the use of h rifle.
Everything went smoothly until blank
cartridges were distributed.
The recruits were instructed to load
their pieces and stand at the ready"
and then the sergeant gave h COM
mand:
Fire at Wilt"
Private Lunn was puzzled. He low
cred his gun.
(Which one is WIZ" he asked.
1t was a crowded car. Among those
who could not find seats was a young
lady. Close to where she stood an
old man was sitting. He struggled
cast a glance of scorn at one or two
men hiding behind
"Please don't get up" she said to the
old nan 81 beg you won't" The
conductor rang the bell and the car
went on. The old mans features
worked convulsively and he mopped
his face with his handkerchief. At
the next stopping place he again tried
to rise. and again the young woman
tried to stop him. 81 would much rath-
err stand" she said, continuing to
block his way. 81 don't care whether
you would or not said the old man,
crimson with fury. 81 want to get out.
You've made me come half a mile too
far already. Here. you stop n car"
But it was too late, the bell had al
ready Jung and he had to walt until
the next stopping place was reached.
Secondhand Dealer Ito Farmer
Green, to whom he had sold a carr
We'll. how do you like your a by
this time?
Farmer Green-Wa-al. it amt much
on looks, and it amt much on speed;
but by gum! it kin make more noise
than any other car in the county! Ev-
erybody will know I've got it.-Judge.
The sweet young thing was being
shown through the locomotive works.
What is that thing" she asked,
pointing with her dainty parasol.
That" answered the guide, "is an
engine boiler"
She was an ~up-to-date young lady
and at once became interested. and
why do they boil engines?" she in
quired again.
"To make the engine tender" po-
litely replied the resourceful guide.
An old farmer recently came into
possession of a check for 5000. He
finally summoned up nerve enough to
go TO the bank.
What denomination" said the
teller, hastily, as the check was pass
ed in through the window.
"Luther'n, gold darn it! But what
has thai got to do with ito"
Their was a half-witted youth in
Bridgetown to whom the n~eighboring
farmers liked to offer a penny and
a nickel.
Gathered about him in a circle on
market day. the farmers, n after
another, would say:
"Now, which'll yer have, Peter?
Here's a cent-here's a nickel--take
your choice"
And fool Peter would invariably
choose the cent rather han the nickel,
and the farmers before such incredi-
BILE foolishness would roar with
laughter. double in two and slap their
legs noisily with their brown hands.
Peter" a man said n day to the
lunatic, why is it that you always
take the cen instead of the nickel?"
Peter grinned a very cunning grin.
Suppose 1 tool the Nickel" said he,
would 1 ever get a chance to AXE
another one?"