davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23
= = z-Ts-Ess1 49, = -. -
SLIGHTLY !! Z IN ERROR
Thought and Asserted Himself to BE
Better Than His Officer. but
He Was Not.

Major General Sir Frederick Car
rington, who died the other day, was
In his earlier years one of the best
boxers insthe British army. Ills prin-
cipal services TO the empire were
rendered in South Africa, and it is
told that among the Bechuanaland
police he was known as Fighting
Fred" because he had brought that
famous force up 70 It's high state Of
efficiency BY thrashing every man
in It.
n this connection the story is also
told that during the Zulu war Car.
rington having been placed in charge
Of an irregular regiment, noticed
that one Of the troopers, who prob
ably imagined that he had only
'haw, haw" officer 20 deal with. de-
liberately failed TO aafute him.
why don't you salute me r. re-
manded the general. Because Pm
q better man than yog are was the
insolent reply. indeed said the
general, ssWe'il econ see about that.
and five minutes later Inc @hetter
man vas carried senseIeae into his
tenk. And next morning the general
had he offender up before him an5
gave him three days c. 3. for eight
ing = camp" 3 eensence, aoweyeF,
whieA ae promptly RENTED.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23
DESCENDED FROM GREAT MEN
Many stu Living WHO Trace Their
Ancestry 70 Famous Soldiers
Who Followed Napoleon.

The marshal Alexander Berthier,
born at Versailles, was named soser-
eign prince Of Neufchatel and Ia
lengin, on March 80. and October
81. 1906, then prince of Wagram,
October 81, 1909, and finally hetedi-
iary dncal peer on April IA, 1918.
Alexander Berthier, duke and prince
Of Wagram, born at Paris in 1888,
IS yet a bachelor. He has two sis
ters, the princess de Tour a'Au-
yergne Lsuraguais. and the Princess
Jacques dc Broglie.
Marshal Macdonald, Of Scotch or
igin, reccised the duchy Of Tarens
tum with $4,000 france income on
December 9, 1909. Napoleon Mac
donald. duke Of Tarensum, married
aIadamesss Valentine Dclegorgue.
widow Of 1 former project Of police.
They we're divorced in s00h 'G'hag
had no children. bur she duke d TIE
rentum has Two sistegs.
Marshal Charles Nicheias 0ul:aos
received the title q duke OK Reggie
April Is, 1910. The present dixie
Henri, thirty years old Is tbs oalg
male Of the familg.
Marshal Andre Maasena was made
prince Of Essling. January 81. 1910.
and duke Of Risoli. April rs Ct the
same year The present Andre Mas
sena, prince Of EssIing. duke d Ri
solis 10 twenty-five years DID, lie has
Two sisters.
Marshal sficilael Ney was created
duke OF EIchingen in May, 1908. and
prince of Moskoua March rs. $3.50.
The eldest u The family, Nspoleoa
gNes. Seasn she title Of prince o. Mos
kougs END his brother Cherries ahas AZ
the duke Of Elchingcn.
Marshal gonie-ssabsies auches e6s
tanned the duchy OF Albuere January
II, 1913. The ghird duke OK Albes
ers, Raoal- Napoleon Suchea, aaaa
lane Of aEIlo. de 9ernb0cSsua. hae 9as
son.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23

at'o pretty expensive to have oRe's
svm lawyer"
~But it doesn't cost anything to
Keep once own counsel. Boston
Evening Transcript.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23
Ano TAXING wnAr TAgy rlMo.

II wish knew short cut 10 Easy
street,
"Some people get there in a hurry
BY climbing over other peoples
fences.n
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23

James--I'm 90 sore from running
that | can't stand or sit.
John-If you're telling the TRUTH
you're lying. Princeton Tiger.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23

sSa 70 nj aonaanae 20 snla anoBg
sangveG. loahlns u1ghins nospas
WHY ID tgf'
8e91aca oaa e9n aoo ng aFag alnncs
aAna uoThlne hogue eIunye nnn bls
ca bic aaoagh
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23

HeI am going TO propose Tor the
last time.
She Well, then, you are going 70
be bachelor. Cornell Widow.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23
NAY BE oUTlAwED.

s94oya knows no law quoted the
Wise Guy.
How about the mother-in-Isw ~
demanded the Simple MuttC Char
lotte News. ~
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23

70 ssSstose feso Ras1 80 stnsn Re*s.asIs
@na .oEn nls faf@g4 ausstsn - sse a. ALL -
eun.fsffa1. 80 peaiaasa Ia tzuHfMA8 R#I14kF-
I1c HnAfa@H at. asispea0 Dn4e 1a& bsze ~
soc oeesb te1n q. -. 8 -
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23
NATURAL HISTORY.

'spop, tell me one thing
'sWhat is il, son p
Scan sword tishea fenos-
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23

Scan you let me off this after
noon, sir? ] want to see 1f1la BAH
game"
''Sure, young man. Lets go to-
gether."
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23

Is taxes uoman &c remember neg
3auenseg'r asrgaGAr naG aoesas arr
o~u
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23

MAIN CROP

What are you trying 10 raise on
jour place now ?"
q am trying to raise the wind. :"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23
USE ALLEYS F00T.ElsE. :

8Ms 6ntseHetf Huw1Fs - - sMkApM tAta - sta~s
il gus east RS azzA saesfaFa Zee t&tF3. *kAsaz
Apssllss ss~astng aass 500 si1eAs so&k NAn = -
ues~s enFns aes sHsssaa ~ al Basa ns4 TsxsNazs
1tsEefr AIS enAzoaa ornsu. 31et t4s tAzsx So
n1AtfnH HAFzzna. Fn4eza fsreshe1 Nh9ss. ha1 s4F
@ss4kies ls Nss n1eaa @ - sno gfsefsss es<sfeFs
discovery 81 ~ 4s. TfY u fe&er He1 sseTf~eesa
Msfpl pss ssrs = a1p - hgfdf9fe 9sf EMNH s=1&5
enasnxn, nd2a1z5 Az1aa q Gacstae. 10 Ma8s ~
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1913-05-23

1Rs
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

knowledge Of lost opportunities
comes with old age.
Matrimony Is q sea in which manv
c~ourtshtps have been swamped.
It is easier for boys to be boys than
1t is for them to be quiet.
The candidate for a young woman's
hand makes a lot Of campaign prom
Uses during courtship.
It is easy for a to be happv
II her imagination is in good workine
order. ~
Before she has been married a year
every woman discovers that. her nus
band is a brute. Z .-l-
BY the time a firt gets tired Of the
game there is seldom a man worth
having" that she car get.
II a woman has a good figure and
knows It she thinks other women are
envious If they don't appear to notice
It,.
We know a young man who IL a
member Of an amateur theatrical So
ciety. belongs to a glee club and writes
poetry. yet he claims to have no vices.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08
Mali Orders
Promptly Filled
the Same Day ~
Received.

that she did not consider how fal
that cry carried. She did not dream
that Araminta Peck could hear 1t az
che prodded after a particularly sue.
culent dandelion, close to the fence
that Araminta, having heard 1t, left
her dandelions and. running round
the fence, peered in al the window
and that. seeing what there was to
see, she left the window and went to
the door.
Her entrance produced a shock that
startled everything but astonishment
out Of Pamela's head.
"Araminta Peck!" she exclaimed.
Ararninta, vigorous and nimble still,
rushed to her and seized her hands.
Pamela. let bygones be bygones.'
she said. Come over and eat dande-
lion green's with me. I've dug enough
to feed a regiment. and I hate to
throw 'em away. We've ct dandelion
greens together a good many times.
There amt any aso why we
shouldn't eat 'em together again. Ii
there, Pamela? Eh?"
II don't know as there is, Araminta.
I amt been mad at you this lone
while
Araminta was shrewd and she knew
whom she had to deal with.
Put IN your shawl. Pamela, If you
have got your mornings work done,
and come and earn your greens by
helping look 'em over. I guess We'll
find something to talk about, consider
ing we've been saving up our CAB for
forty years."
She chuckled merrily. She had al
ways been noted for her gay spirits,
Cleverly she got Pamela out Of one
house into the other. And over the
greens she gradually probed Pamela's
confidence.
IT saw that automobile" Araminta
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

barna, keeps Z hsh store. The othe1
day his next door rival in business
hung out his poster:
I'VE Sell Eels to the King
my friend the ~fshlnon9er counter
cd with this card:
"'ood Save the King
Senator Ashurst Of Arizona Il. i.
foe to the system Of polite procras-
tination that prevails in washinRton.
"Old Man JONES'" a y Ashursf.
comes to Washington in hope that
he can land q job. He hasn't a
chance. Every one knows 1t. But in
stead Of taing him out behind the barn
and killing him numerically, we let
him hang around ana hope until
he starves t odeath.s
The other day an Arizona delers.
ton came on to boost a friend Tor
postmaster. Every one shook hands
all around and lighted cigars. :
Then h spokesman said his piece.
Sorry" said Ashurst, "but I.v:
promised that place to another man.
The spokesman deliberated for :
moment. :
"Well.- eaid. "1'm logged !, :
know whether to shake hands Win
you for telling US the truth, or 20
y heays . rock at your vindoS
because you haven't lied TO us,'
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08
On Capitol Hill

senator Augustus OctAyius Bacon Of
Georgia is a Statesman to Whom
You Must Not Whisper.
BY Herbert Corey.
tbs we enn. fess Sept. s.-"whereupon
ene guns gar to rapidly explode
tavius Bacon Of Georgia began to er-
plode rapidly. Get the difference.
don't you? If there is one thing that
particularly gals the constitutional.
ist from the prettiest state south Of
me line 1t is a split infntive. Often
ne a passed by a hideous crime
IN power-which until lately was ~.
nls party-while he fixed up the Enc.
lish in which that wrong was clothed.
II bad grammar CRATES upon his
sensloilities however, a whisper rasns
ms very soul. Mr.. Bacon eytdentIv
pelleves that political villains ALWAYS
Mss temptations. Persons calling up-
On MIN are encouraged to be mara.
pnonic IL their condolences. The
other day he met an old friend from
"zizz-zizz-zizz." whispered the
ola friend: Bacon stepped back, one
palm out-turned in protest.
DO not whisper to me, William"
SAND Senator Bacon. sadly. II nnust
insist that you speak in your usual
tones" usual
"These are my usual tones" wh,..
tied williams. ~ lost nv voica' a.
Baltimo.'" ~ a.
MI. Bacon is now seventy.four
years old. and has been a member Of
the United States senate since 4 a
During that period he has made a dis
tinct position as a great constitutional
ist, a formidable academic debater,
as q man Of n sincerity
more brilliant senator's, but a few who
have been more completely masters
Of themselves. He we'll earned his
present position al chairman Of the
committee on foreign relations. In
his resolution Of ten years ako Bacon
shaped the policy Of the Democratic
party toward our insular possessions.
In 1t ne declared It to be our duty to
retire ron the Philippines a. soon an
we should have established in the ia
lands a stable and enduring govern.
ment. That has never been departed
from-as a theory-by the democratic
leaders.
The other day a reporter called on
francis Burton Harrison. the newly
appointed governor general of the
wanted to scrutinise Mr.. Harrison's
past.
Haven't you a scrapbook?" he
asked.
mot now" said Harrison. "r kent
scrApbooks for u time. in which I
pasted every article in which my name
appeared. Then I pasted every other
article. Then I only kept a clipping
now and then. : Finally I gave Il
up. Looking back through my scrap
books, 1t seems to me that I have be.
come progressibly uninteresting."
1.-THE wittiest man in London" said
Representative Tom Helm Of Ala.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08
AZ TO BANJO SIGNALS.

New York Times: Asked whether
he considered the "banjo" signal as
safe for the operations of trains as
more modern signals, Rufus w.
Wands. engineer Of the Inflated Bar
Harbor Express. replied at the hear
ing in New Haven yesterday:
mo; we protested against this sys-
item through our engineers commit
tee"
Asked whether he had read the
rules made effective in 1907 requiring
engineers to stop at banjo signals,
/. Wands shook his head. and declared
that engineers frequently certified by"
them. Were o yer disciplined for
such violations?" was the next aues-
ton. to which he responded: "No. /
never reported them" Both wands
and Adams, the conductor, admitted
that the custom was to fly by banjo
signals set at red" and It was further
testified that on the morning Of the
wreck at North Haven the fog was
60 thick that sight was impossible two
car lengths behind. Yet the collidine
train wat running at a speed of forty
miles an hour.
Is not the banjo signal as good a
signal TO run by as any other?
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

ed two or three Of the perky blossoms
With worn, knotted fingers she car.
essed them gently. They felt like vel.
vet. A faint smile grew upon her face
She had something Of the same pleas
ure in the flower that she had expert.
enced in her far away childsood, when
every dandelion was a prize and a
handful of them a precious hoard.
Pretty little thing" she murmured'
II don't know but it's worth while be.
ing hungary just to have you Std OF
a yaller metal that men fight over.
guess you amt ever brought anything
but pleasure into the world. That's
something to live for even il you amt
more'n a>common d%andelion."
A movement, the CLINT of a tin pan
and the sound Of an old voice quaver-
ing out a stave from an old song in
terrupted her, contemplation Of the
dandelion. Beyond the fence. with it's
rank outgrowth Of blackberry vines.
was another yard the size Of her own,
sowH just as plentifully with yellow
disks. And there an old woman had
appeared with q knife and pan.
She's going to dig her a mess of
green's" Pamela thought. We'll, now.
Dandelion greens. They'd taste mighty
good with a bit Of pork in EN-. Trou-
Die 10 maven got n pork AND
then I don't know as I could eat 'em
after all my .sbothering L don't seen,
to have no appetite lately. When
your heart Is too full your stomach
is apt to go empty, I notice. Well,
we'll. we'll.
She watched the other old woman
furitively 1t would not do to let Ara
minta Peck see her watching. Ara.
minta apparently did not notice her,
thought there was scarce a stones
throw between them. They had not
spoken for forty years. Yet all that
time they had lived side by side on
the same street. The enmity which
had sprung up from one violent,
youthful quarrel had lasted we'll. It
seemed likely to outlast the old WON.
en- themselves Pamela was proud,
but years had worn down her resent
ment and she no longer regarded Ara
minta as the oma she had quar-.
relied with and hated, but as the one
thing left that had accompanied her
out Of the past . She had lost all that
she had started out with-friends, RET
atives. husband. daughter-and she
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

Copyright. 1913. by ". werner.l
Pamela Carr came out into her yard
holding a small shawl together about
her shoulders. The morning was still
fresh and there was a brisk little
breeze which made a shawl a neces-
sity to an old woman of something
more than three score years. Pamela
had come II to look at the dande-
lions. They had grown over night.
and the short. damp grass was sprink-
led with them. If some plethoric purse
had burst and scattered its golden con-
tents throughout Pamela's yard there
could not have been a Drawer show
ing. Pamela sighed as she gazed about
her.
IF they was gold pieces now I'd
Q have my apron full" she
thought. And then-and then"
she shook her head. sadly. But they
amt gold pieces. They're just dande-
lions"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER s, 1913.
RAILROADS AND THE MAIL.

Washington Post: The railroads
lately have had many grievances, n
not the least Of these is the very lat
est-that they are to be forced to car
~ largely increased freight under the
plan for. the reduction Of the rates
of the parcel post withot receiving adj
ditional compensation. Under exist
ing laws the railroads are forced to
carry largely increased mails. due to
the parcel post. without n regard
to whether proper payment Is made
for the increased service.
Carrying the mail is a social obliga-
tion which the railroads freely con-
cede. While the law does not compel
railroad to carry mail, most Of the!i
contract to do so, but the government
itself invariably fixes the rate. The
railroads which are selling service.
must accept what the government
wants to give.
In 1907 the postmaster general, by
administrative order, reduced railway
mail pay by nearly $4,000, 000-about
ten per cent-and congress cut off
about Ave per cent more by reduc-
lions Of various kinds. The railroads
maintain nov that the increased par
Gel post business will put another bur-
den on them for which they will not
receive increased pay, and that fur
thermore they will lose the actual cash
paid to them hitherto by the express
companies for the same business.
Briefly, the railroads put their COM
plant in this form:
We maintain that at present
we are underpaid by at least $15.-
100000 a year. 1t is our belief
that a fair adjustment would re-
quire that the government should
bay the railroads for all services
which they render.
1t is not SO long ago that a great
outcry was raised in congress against
the giving Of passes or other favors
by railroads to public officials. 1t was
also argued that a great injustice was
done when telegraph companies gave
franks t favored persons. All such
favors were prohibited by law after
considerable discussion.
The real reason for this reform was
that the unfavored citizens paid, in the
long run, for the discrimination in
favor of the persons enjoying franks
and passes. The cost Of these franks
and passes had to be borne by the
corporations. which were naturally un-
able to give h public the benefit Of
an economical management.
Is not the same thing true of favors
given by the railroads to the govern
ment itself? If the railroads lose
money by giving too little money,
it is clear that the public sooner or
later must pay the bill. The railroads
are unable to give their patrons the
benefit of an economical management
II the government blackjacks them
into carrying the mails at half rates.
In the interests of good bookkeeping,
DO that the public may know just
where it stands with reference to the
railroads, the government should pay
for the service received. Otherwise.
the public is simply deceived into be-
5ieving that it is saving money in the
management Of the postofHce when
'greater sums are taken from the ira
cling public's pockets.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

AS Mike entered the room one day
he saw his friend Pat hanging by a
rope which he had fastened about his
stomach.
Sure. and what be We tryin' to do 2"
asked Mike.
"I'm tryin' to commit suicide" said
Pat.
"well." said Mike. why don't you
fss'gg- der rope around your neck you
Sure, and / tried that" answered
Pat. "but I couldn't get me breath"
Did you eve hear the story" be-
gan the visitor, "about the Irishman
who ate an a Of corn and then, call
ed for the waiter to put more beans
on his stick"
ut was not an 1rishman," said the
joke editor; that story is older than
Ireland"
Jimmy and his pals were playing
marbles as the new minister came
along.
Boys. can You show me the way
to the postofice?'
Jimmy pointed the way ana then
returned to his marbles.
Little man. don't you know it is
wrong to play marbles? That is a
form Of gambling. Come with me and
I will show you the way to heaven"
"Ah. cheese 1t, mister: you show me
the way to heaven? Why. you don't
even know the way to the postofice.."
That's a nice umbrella you've got,
Mr.. Jones'"
YES: it was a present."
Indeed! From whom?"
II don't know: but it says on the
handle Presented to John Robin
SON."
A very nice and gentle minister &C.
cepted a call to a new church in a
town where many Of the members
bred horses and sometimes raced
ed to invite the prayers of the o n
gregation for Lucy Grey. Willingly
and gladly he did go for three sun
days. On the fourth one Of the
deacons told the minister he need not
do it any more.
why" asked the good man. with
an anxious look. sis she dead?"
ooh. no." said the deacon; she's
Won. the steeplechase."
We wanted to go to Ionia to buy a
collar the other day. 50 we hoofed it
to the little Pere Marquette depot and
sat down in III shade to wait for the
station agent to come back from din
ner and sell us a ticket. When he
asked him how late the train would
be.
"Train amt late at all today" an.
swered the agent.
Not late? Why?, when it it due?"
"Two-twenty-six.'
"Weil. it's 2.40 now"
81 know it. mister. But the train
amt late. On, this here road when
a train amt but twelve minutes be-
hind time it's ahead Of time. She'll
be along pretty soon now"
Mr.. Ives has a mind that delights
in facts. One evening he laid down
the paper, was silent for a moment,
and then said:
That's odd"
What is it?" inquired his wife.
why, here is a man who says that
it would take 2 1000, 900 years to pump
the sea dry at the rate Of 1000 gall
Ions a second"
Mrs. Ives sat thinking the matter
over. Finally she said:
Why, Henry. where would they
put all the water ?"-Lippincott's.
Faith. o wu1ess ones. you mus
hab faith!" shouted the colored
pracher. Look at dat ar Danl!
Dey drapped i'm in aong de lions
an did eat i'm? No. sab: he les
squelched ''em. He done had faith.
Dem dar lions-"
One of the younger negroes rose up
and inquired:
Say, pahson. wuz dem lions big as
de kind we has now?"
"Co'se not, co'se not" retorted the
preacher. "Dey was B. c., meanin'
befo' c%ircuses."
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

The degree of doctor of laws has
been conferred upon the presidents
secretary. Mr.. Tumulty. Probably
due to the fact that doctoring laws
was his principal occupation while in
the New Jersey legislature.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

What New York and a few other
big American cities need are a few
New Hampshire sheriffs on their
police forces.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

A couple dived under water with
a minister i'll Virginia and came up
the groom doesn't find out he has
gone in over his head permanently.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

Vice President Marshalrs innum.
erabie public u~tterances have not in
Guided a word of warning to Presi-
dent Wilson against travelling over
the New Haven.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

Maybe the Paris member o: the
house of Morgan who brings his wife
across the ocean to make his sons
eligible to the presidency never heard
Of misdirected energy.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

Having been told that sulphurous
smoke is a preventive Of tuberculosis,
Pittsburg car proceed to smoke her
self blacker in the face than ever.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

Colonel Henry Watterson says the
people OF New York are incapable Of
self government. He's a little slow.
Tammany found that out long ago.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

Alarming thought: What if 1t
should occur to the Pullman company
to charge something extra for rides
in steel cars?
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-08

Secretary Burleson never talks in
a cabinet meeting" Probably, by
the time Mr.. Bryan is through, the
dime hour has arrived.