The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1913-10-16
PUTTING UP THE sToyEPIPE.

Putting up a stove is not Difficult
in itself II is the pipe that raise
four-fifths of the mischief and al
the dust. You may take down
stove with all the care in the world
and yet that pipe won't come together
again as it was before. You fine
this out when you are standing on {
chair with your arms full of pipe, anc
your mouth full of SCOT.
Your wife is standing on the floor
in a position that enables her to see
you, the pipe, and the chair, and here
she gives utterance to those remarks
that are calculated to hasten a man
to the extremes Of insanity Her
dress is pinned up over her waist, and
her hands rest on her hips. She has
got one of your hats on her head, and
your linen coat on her back, and
pair of rubbers on her feet. There
is about 5 cents worth of potblack
on her nose and altogether she is a
HH1'Ae'AAt bilAN NVAid iH1RAlt y utdu
man with distrust And while you
are up there trying TO circumvent the
awful eontrariness Of the pipe, and
telling that you know some fool has
been mixing it, she stands safely on
the floor, and bombards you with such
domestic notices as, "What's the use
Of swearing SO? "You know no one
has touched that pipe" "You amt
got any more patience than d child
"Do be careful Of that chair And |
then she goes Off and reappears with |
an arnful Of more pipe, and before
you are aware of it she has got that !
pipe so horribly mixed up that it does
seem no two pieces are alike.
You join the ends and work them
TO and fro, and to and fro again, and
then YOU take them apart and look
at them. Then you spread one out
and jam the other together, and
mount them once more. But it is
no so. You begin to think the pieces
are inspired with life, and ache to
kick them through the window. But
she doesn't lose her patience. She
goes around with that length of pipe
under each arm and long handled
broom in her hand, and says she
don't see how it is some people never
have any trouble putting up stove.
Then you miss the hammer. You
don't see it any where. You stare
into the pipe, down on the stove and
off TO the floor. Your wife watches
you and is finally thoughtful enough
to inquire what you are looking after,
and on learning pulls the article from !
her apron. Then you feel as if you
could go out doors, and swear hole
twelve feet square through a block
Of brick buildings; but she meekly OBJ
serves; "Why on earth don't you
speak when you want anything, and
not stare around like dummy?'
When the part Of the pipe which goes
through the wall is up, she keeps it
ip with broom while you are max
ing the connection, and stares at it
with an intensity that is entirely I'M
,alled for, All the while your posi-
ion is becoming more and more inter-
ssting. The pipe don't go together,
If course. The SCOT shakes down into
four eyes and mouth, the sweat rolls
Town your face, and tickles your chin
IS it drops off, and it seems as if your
arms are slowly but surely drawing
,ut of their sockets.
Here your wife comes to the rescue
~ inquiring if you are going to be all
lay doing nothing, and if you think
Ter arms are made of cast iron; and
hen the broom slips off the pipe, and
n her endeavor to regain her hold, b
he jabs you under the chin with the of
landle, and the pipe comes down on to
our head with its load of fried SCOT, al
md then the chair tits forward so
nough to discharge your feet, and al
-ou come down on the wrong end of br
hat chair, with force that would al
a pile driver. You don't er
ouch the stove again. You leave ell
our wife examining the chair, and 'el
its injuries; and go into st
he kitchen and WASH your skinned nj
nd bleeding hands with yellow soap. m
hen you go down the street after bu