The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-08-31

Wilson will not inthervene be foorce in
New York. 1t may be thrue that annycfy
exists there, that there is no settled gov
crmint an that tn lives an property v Americans
ar-re onsafe But is that amy raison why we
shud go pokin' Our heads into tn domestic
throubles in these out-iv-thway communities? 1t
wud be no aisy task to subjoo these wild thribes
accustomed to guerrilly warfare amongst thinl-
silves Like as not befure we conkered thin cur
army wud have narvous prosthration firm tn life
an wuddin't want to come back home 1t wud
take fifty years to civilize New York up to th'
level iv Arkansaw or Texas. Do we want to haul
into tn gentle sstherhood iv tn states this rude
population dffrin' firm us in dhrcss, customs, an
TRADITIONS, an with no idee iv tn manin' " laws
an republican institutions as they ar-re undher
stood, let us say, in tn state iv Arizony? | say
not. 1t is plainly our jooty as Chrystyan nation
to sell thin arms an amnynition an let thin
blow each ither's heads off in their own happy
way.
" I have niver been in New York, but if I was
a young feer with til spirit iv advinture in me
Id take gun an go down there. I've read a
great dale about it an firm what I've read an
what thravelers wlove escaped tell me, it's wan
iv til few picturesque places left in tn wurruld.
1t is almost tn ony spot that has not been touched
an spilled be civilization. TIL state is large in
aryea but tn population is all gathered in three
sthreets which comprise what is known as the
City iv New Yorl-Wall sthreet, Fifth avenoo,
an Broadway--or in tn penal settlement at AL
bany or in tn resorts iy tn idle rich at Sing Sing
or Mattawan / niver read anything about tn
rest iv tn state, SO suppose it is oninhabted.
"Th' popylace range in color firm white to
dark purple an speak corrupt form iv tn Yid-
dish language. TIL subjck races call thmsilves
the wise guys, but ar-re known to TIL rulers who
belong to tn noble caste iv con men as tn asy
marks Th' wise guys or aisy marks, as ye
choose to call thin, form about SO per cint iv
tn population Far firm bein' dissatisfied with
their lowy condition, they ar-re intinsely proud
iv it. an although quarrelsome among thimsilves
ar-re obeejint to their rulers, who conthrol thin
with gr-reat wisdom an patience, maxim thin
frget their injuries firm day to day be givin'
thin new injuries to think about. On til whole
they ar-re kept fairly happy be this constant
change in wrongs. AT times they show signs iv
rebillin' but they can nearly always be quieted
be bein told to reminder that they ar-re wise
guys, an aVen WIFI tley llsc against tneh luiciS
they refuse to thrust each other, but have to
scit con man as a leader SO TIL result is tn
same
"As agin' tn rale thing they make
plant as long as they are kept properly trimmed
and occasionally walloped be some wan with
UNIFORM on. A New Yorker who isn't short
changed or hasn't his hat dented in at aste wanst
a week be posman, sthreet conductor,
waiter, or a theayter usher feels that he is
NEGLECTED Although NANNY outsiders has gone
into these bad lands firm time to time an ayther
succumbed to TIL thribal customs or jined TIL
rulin class TIL aborigines ar-re intinsely scornfu
iv strangers an passyonately devoted to their
countfry SO that rae New Yorker who has
been thrun out iv pollin' place because some