Mansfield mirror. (Mansfield, Wright County, Mo.) 1908-1957, 1913-04-10
JUST A PROFESSOR
And He Was a Dry Man, Outside
and In, Never Getting Ex-
cited.
By BRYANT c. RoeERs.

wv s~SA oo
He could have quenched most any
thirst By stepping Into a saloon and
saying to the barkeep:
"Whew! Is this hot enough for you?
Sat 'em up again, old man."
1t was that the professors attitude
was dry. He raj dry outside and In.
He never got excited. A presidential
election was no more to him than q To-
cal dog fight. He never gossiped. He
never took up frivolous questions.
such, as the tariff on lamb chops. He
had few acquaintances, and those he
forgot to bow to half the time.
Professor Bascomb was just a pro-
lessor. He filled tho chair Of natural
history at the state college at Iuka
and given the leg Of a grasshopper he
could tell In what period Of the world
he lived and died and why he never
got to be a clam or a 70
On his arrival at Iuka the professor
was offered board and lodging and all
the comforts of home at the Wood
bine cottage at what seemed q rea-
sonable rate, and he installed himself
there. He didn't care about the name.
II would have been the anne to him
had the cottage been named the OK
Tall Dive. He didn't care much about
his room, his food or his bed.
There was one other thing the PRO
lessor didn't care much about at the
Woodbine, and that a Miss Joy Mar
ton. Miss Joy was thirty-seven years
old and still heart-free. She and her
mother owned the Woodbine. They
made 1t a rule to take one gentleman
boarder from the college. and every
time the old boarder went and a new
n replaced him the town gossips
predicted that Miss Joy would succeed
In her fall designs. That is. OF COURSE.
she would lasso him and lead him to
the matrimonial altar.
While Professor Bascomb was dry
very dry-Miss JOY was girly and
kittenish and romantic. She wanted
to read and talk Of knights and chew
alters and squires and DANES and abb
Quoted maidens. Professor Bascomb
wanted to talk about the dodo and the
mammoths. Where was the common
ground?
Miss Joy wanted to read and weep
over THE Sewing Machine Girl"
The professor wanted to catch and
examine the hearts and lungs Of bats
and crickets. Why, II they met on the
street the professor was as apt to adj
dress her as Mrs. Perkins or Miss
Schemerhorn as by her right name.
They did not lack more than a mile
sr two of being as far apart as the
Poles.
Without admitting that Miss ]. ever
had any designs upon the professor. It
may be stated that at the end Of six
months the girl unused to herself:
II give him up. He is impossible,
He will never come within 40 rods OF
being a hero. He would see rats eat
me up and not come to the rescue"
All of this was very natural in 2.
weary old maid.
Three or four days later at the din
ner table. where the professor seldom
spoke at all. he suddenly said:
Il see that there is to be q circus in
town."
Clasps OF establishment from mother
and daughter. Clasps that there was
to be q circus, and gasps that the pro
lessor had referred to 1t.
And l think weM attend" . )
Clasps Of the gaspingest kind.
Eyes, I want you both to go with
me.
Had Professor Bascomb suffered q.
sunstroke? The turned pale
as they looked from him to each 9TH
or.
ri don't care much about the circus
part of 1t, but I should like to study
the animals, particularly the lion. Per-
haps I shall be able to give you some
information you have acquired"
No, mother and daughter did not
know the lion very well. They had
heard him spoken Of as the king of
beasts, but with eggs at fifty cents a
dozen, and butter almost as much per
pound, with nine liars In the United
States to one truthteller. they had ia
ken only a passing interest In Leo.
The day and the hour came and Of
they stood before the cage Of the kan;
CARGO the professor musingly said:
Australia Is the true home OF the
kangaroo. He 10 not q f~esh-eating ami
NAL, and will not attack man unless
driven to the wall, You may wonder
at the length of HIS hind legs. Why
wasn't he created 70 run on four legs
the same "a q wolff"
Miss Joy looked at her mother. and
her mother looked at her. They had
run a boarding house for the last ten
years. but It had never occurred to
them to ask the question or attempt
to find, the answer.
.'The kangaroo Is not q predatory
animal" continued the professor. "on
the contrary, he ID as timid a. the
hare. Both must depend upon their
alertness and ~heetness to escape their
foes. Thus II comes about that their
gait IL by leaps and bounds. and that
by standing up on their hind legs they
can look for their enemies"
~r-k--s M ---.-eo --r-.I 49,