The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-07-13

iver detict alcohol on tn prisidint's breath9
Niver, as hiven is me judge declared tn
witnesses in ringin' tones
Whn it come th' turn iv tn poor idtor man
ne wasn't able to presnt single witness to prove
that liddy was dipsomanyac No, sir; iv all th'
people that were ready to take their oath that
they d seen our hayro whin he was filter f'r an
ambulance thin office, divvle tn wan turned
up at his call to go on tn stand. So he was
obliged to do tn manly thing iv readin' docy-
mint containin an account iv his own noble life,
with few wurruds on tn circulation iv his excel
lent pa-aper an its value as an advertsin'
meejum an acknowledged that he had tossed off
tn lie undher tn inprisson that it was tn thruth
because it was in til heat v TIL campaign an he
didn't expict to be sued, but he was glad he had
been, an there was nawthin' f'r him to do but
admit that his witnesses had run out on him an
he cudden't prove anything. This handsome
apology was accipted TIL jury give verdict iv
six cints damages, tn colonel says, A goryous
vcthry, be George tn ditor stint over an bor-
rowed tn money firm til foreman, an th colonel,
attinded be his calvacade iv breath Investigators,
returned home with tn cash junglin in his pock-
ets-vindicated
| wondher what it's comm to? Mex year |
expict to see banners in front iv headquarters
sayn, Vote f'r Higgins. His breath is ba N.Y.
or Sullivan an sody,' or til like " that Will it
come about that whn an orator gets up to
advycate candydate he'll be complied to say
whether he has or has no. made personal invis-
tigaton iv tn candydate's exhalations? Will a
comfy be called befure til convintion to report
that they have made searchn inquiry into II
candydates breath fr two months, an without
goin into other "details they are prepared to say
that it has showed no signs iv alcohol? If So
Hinnssy, I'm goin' out iv pollyticks an into
dentisthry.
But what I can't understand, Hinnissy, is
why if this here shellac that beams down on US
firm tn shelves is so bad to take, tn governint
shud go into partnership with thin that sells it.
Here's me frind Dock Wilson an me frnd Viii
lum McAdoo an me frind Willum Jennings
Bryan settin together discussn tn report iv TIL
sicrety iv TIL threasury. Mack says tn prisi-
dnt hope We don't drink sincerely hope
so, too says til sicrety iv state. | dhrink very
little says tn sicrety v tn threasury Don't do
it at ALL says til prisidint It's a tur-rble habit
Dhrink is TIL curse iv modhren civilization. 1t
fills our citizens an it fills our ails an our pini-
houses with our citizens. Stop it now. Ye saw
ye had ony wan glass iv caret at dinner9 1t is
wan too nanny Reminder til rapids ar-rc
below. We will now take up tn FINANCIAL re-
poort he says Well says tn sicrety v tn
threasury, to begin with I'm glad to tell We that
tn ntarnal rivnoo receipts fr til comm year will
be about millyon dollars more thin they were
last year base these figures on tn increasin'
thirst iv our people How splindd,' says tn
prsidint | name how tur-rbe How tur-rbly
spndid. 1t names much to til administration,
he says. This is good news indeed SAYS Will
lum Jennings Bryan.
An there We ar-re. | can't make it out but
there's lots v things in tn wurruld that can't
make out. | suppose til govermint is like mesif.
No wan is more iv tinp france advocate thin |
am tr I've had expeeryance If ye think It's
pleasure FIR me to stand here ladlin' out this
household amnionya an listenin' to t harsh
sounds it causes ye to mistake FIR conversation We
don't know me- If had me way an didn't love
til beautiful stllream on whose banks I've lived
these NANNY years Id take all tn stuff in thin
bottles an poor thin into tn Chicago river.
wud So don't understand how amy wan pays
me r It,. 1t wud be just as reasonable f'r We to
say, Here take two dollars an hit me over tn
head with TIL bung starter 1t wud be more SO.
fr in that ye wuddent come back fir more
But what am to do? s'pose tn govermint an
meslf ar-re in tn same box. We both have to
be supported an this is TIL on'y way we know
An it's pretty good sign that tn people ar-re
slowin down on TIL stuff whin our statesrnn
ar-re askn all tn wurruld to step up an have
smell. Fir statesman Hnnissy, is fellow that
finds out which way tn procissyon is goin' an
thin runs out an grabs til stick away firm TIL
dhrum major
Ye don't think T. R. liver dhrank too much.
do YEP" asked Mr. Hennessy
I've been student as well as an instructor
v tn dhrink habit fir nanny years." said Mr.
Dooley, an I'll tell you this: know firm
observation that no ardent collector iv specimens
iv' rum can keep goin' fast He can 90 fast