davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

I'm tiahed OF the dinnahs and the teas,
They really boah me so. dontchewknow2
Theh's nothing any noah that seems to
please.
Theirs no place. which I haven't been,
I'm tiahed of my million dollah yacht,
I've looked at every famous wondah-
spot
It's really quite too stupid heah below.
dontchewknow?
Newpawt's got to be so common, too,
It has lost the chawm IT had, don't
chewknow?
One sees so many faces that are new
Why cawn't they And some other place
to go?
The functions that are given boah me
The things we do and say are always
trite.
Theirs nothing any noah that makes
me glad, dontchewknow?
One cawn't weah mob than ffty-seven
rings,
Ones fingers are so few. dontchew-
know?
I've got barrelful of peahls and things.
cawn't weah mob than just SO many,
though.
The monkey diunahs pleased me fob
while,
But such things. like the rest, go out OF
style
It's all boah, theh's nothing new to
do, dontchewknow?
If only I could have another thrill!
at everything's so stale, dontchew-
know?
/ If only theh was something left me still
To sit heah longing foh-theh isn't,
though.
I've done it all. theh's nothing mob to do,
I've seen it ALL theh's nothing left that's
new,
And life is just an oft'-repeated tale
dontchewknow?
don't know what the wohld is COM
ing 10,
It's in a dreadful way. dontchewknow?
Theh's nothing left to taste or see or do.
And the vulgah people keep intruding
so,
If only one could put on wings and soah-
! But, all. one cawn't, and isn't it a boah
! To think that one will have to die some
| day, dontchewknow?
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
Capital Comment
BY CLYDE Fl. TAvENNER
Congressman frem the Fourteenth District.

fered by farmers benefiting in the
plan. With this tremendous credit the
government can borrow millions of dol
lars at 319 per cent, money which can
be reloaned to farmers at an advance
of one per cent Farmers now pay
on the average s per cent on money
borrowed on the security of mortgages.
The benefit of my plan to the peo-
pie would be two fold" said Mr.. Bath
rick, "a general back-to-the-farm move
ment and improved rural highways ex-
tending to every prominent city in
the country. The plan involves the
institution of~a federal fs-m credit
scheme, embracing direct loans on
farm lands and indirect loans through
banking companies to assist in provid.
ing for short time crop loans.
1T is not an extreme assumption
/ that after a reasonable time of opera
! ton the government would have loans
outstanding to the amount of S1,700,-
100000 on the mortgage of the farm
home owners. This would be $780,
100000 short of the total land mort
gage farm debt. At the end of the
first six months period, after the in
terest had been paid upon its bonds,
the government would have in its fund
ing account for reinvestment $42,500,-
600. This sum is reloaned. Thus the
government would be drawing COM
pound interest upon it's farm invest
ments. AS We take each reloan sum
for all of the six months period of the
five years, relending at the end OF
each six months, the net profit to the
government after deducting expenses is
S136, 100000, which will build 22,666
miles of public roads at cost of $4,000
per mile.
"As soon as the reinvestment of the
governments profit is we'll made
bonds should be issued against it to
secure the cash for the road building
which could begin the second year. The
money borrowed by the farmers would
be repaid by the amortization, or in
stallment, principle, SO that in about
% years of small payments the Dor
rowers would cancel their debts"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
He Had 1t.

The Teacher (quoting)-"Through
fen and copse the whole day long
sweetly echoes the birds sweet song"
Now, would like to have some mem
Der of the class compose a sentence
containing the word copse. All, Jere-
miah, have you thought of one? Very
well, let us hear it.
Jeremiah-Last night when the man
what lives next door to us camo home
and was slammin' things around
maxim rough house the cops come and
was goin' to pinch him if 1t wouldn't
been for the boss of the ward.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
The Projects to Be
Voted For

Following are the proportions to b
voted for at the special election Sep.
e, which separately and colIectivel
promise for Rock Islands improvc
nent, development and expansion, an
every one Of which is entitled to tn
approval Of the voters:
Purchase Of Island City baseball
park, II acres, $4,000; eisht-year
bonds.
Construction Of elevated tank at
reservoir station, $4,000; 1o-year
bonds.
Flooring Of Rock river bridges
with concrete, $1,000; five-year
bonds.
Installation Of police alarm sys-
TEN, $4,000; 1o-year bonds.
Extension Of water mains along
Eighteenth avenue from Twenty
fourth TO Fifteenth street, and in
newly annexed territory, $1,000;
eieht-year bonds.
Erection Of new fire station In
newly annexed territory and ex-
tension Of fire alarm system In
that district, $4,000.
Annexation Of a further strip Of
territory In South Rock Island,
running from the city limits to
Brashar street, south, and from
Twelfth street west to the Mlssis-
sippl river, exclusive Of the tract
already made part Of the city.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
One on the Doctor.

Some men have funny notions" she
said There's my doctor, for instance.
He's always telling me I'm foolish to
make myself uncomfortable by wear
ing a corset. Yet one hot day when
he was just dying for little sympathy
/ told him he was foolish to wear
silk hat and deserved to suffer. He
hasn't been the same to me since"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
Evidently Not.

PA, did you have to ask ma more
than once TO get her to promise to be
yours?"
Yes. ! think l asked her four or
Eve times"
Gee! l guess you didn't give her
much time to think between askings,
DID your
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

ures, as you know. Now they've got
to robbing foreigners down in Hong
kong You know Mrs. Desbrow? She
has a bungalow on the peak"
Frank blushed holly. "Oh. l know
her he mumbled.
Langham's face was blank. He did
not want Frank Oakley to know
that he had guessed that the Ameri-
can was in love with the handsome
Englishwoman or that in her refusal
to marry Frank had been found a mo-
tive for jewel robbery at her bunga-
low. If he was going to trail Oakley
it would be in his own way.
well. Mrs. DeSbrow has lost val
liable gem from her collection. It's
one that her husband bought from a
south China mandarin. pure and
priceless emerald that once formed an
eye in the forehead of a statue of
Buddha. She has worn the emerald as
a pendant, and week ago last night
It disappeared from the strong box in
her bedroom"
"a week ago last night? Why, l
WAS IIlcIl. SuIu
fully. 81 don't remember anything
about it,"
ut was not discovered until after
your departure"
Oakley started and glanced sharply
q: his companion, but Langham's face
was eXpreSSionlesS.
you've asked me to assist you in
a. ,16
Oakley after awhile.
i've got to so over into the native
city. expect They say you know
it pretty well. that you have made sur
veys of IT and so forth"
THAT'S true"
'T.et us begin the first thing in the
morning The only clew | have is
that the same night the robbery occur
red trusted servant vanished and has
cot since been seen"
"TIave ron any trace Of him."
"I've been sent to Shanghai by one
who claimed 70 know"
Frank Oakley was thoughtful for
awhile.
at is my IMPRESSION" he said ar
last. that If you we're advised to come
10 Shanghai the emerald has gone in
the opposite direc ton"
WHY asked the other skeptically.
"Oh. just knowledge Of the Asiatic
character" returned Oakley vaguely
and Langham WAS the more convinced
that the American was concerned in
the gem robbery. He determined 10
permit the younger man TO lead in the
/ search for the stolen gem. but he dc
! termined to control the situation him.
/ self.
| :Then you won't come into the old
city with ne?' be asked after a pat1
! FIJI silence
Certainly; now or tomorrow morn
ingT
Suppose we go row. We NIGH
want to go south tomorrow"
They arose and left the club, takinl
iinrikishas to the gate of the old wall
ed city crouching on the outskirts o.
the newer modern city.
Your clew:' asked Oakley as the.
went down the narrow, crooked, i'll
paved street2-
"a Chinese named Sun yEk saiA tina
Lin Wah, the missing servant, wa
seen TO offer the emerald eye TO a deal
er In the geld beaters' street"
Il know three goldsmiths in tina
street. Its this turn to- the right" sal
Oakley. leading the way.
The first goldsmith professed ignc
/ rance ct the emerald eye; tile secon
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

movement lot SCOu
roads to the great
benefit of every
body in the country
and without q pen
ny's expense to
anyone. In other
words, if the gov
eminent under
takes any great
system of supply
ing capital to farm
ers at cheap rates
there are sui 2 -
be large profits az
cruing to the gov
eminent from this
8 URGE, eV e Z
though the govern.
ment charges a
very low rate OF
interest. This profit
Bathrick proposes
m anDly RI the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

Todays Chicago papers Washington
dispatches deal extensively with the
program of Congressman Clyde H.
Tavenner TO have Rock Island arsenal
made into the greatest arsenal in the
world and the bill for appropriations
totaling over Sl,000.OOO which he will
introduce in congress tomorrow look
ing TO that end. all of which was de-
tailed in a Washington special to The
Argus of Saturday.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
CHAUTAUQUAs AND AGRICULTURAL
EDUCATION.

EDUCATION.
"Chautauquas" have become high
iy important recently in the teaching
OF agriculture. Each year." declares
F. B. jerks in his annual review OF
agricultural instruction for the United
States bureau Of education, the chau-
tadqua movement becomes a more de-
cided factor in the education OF the
farmer. The programs. which In the
early history OF the movement con-
sisted principally OF Bible study and
recreation, have been considerably
broadened, and special features deal
ing with farm life are becoming more
popular and more frequent. II is now
a common occurrence to find these
programs offering courses in stock
judging, poultry raising, soils, seed
testing. household economy. etc.
Scores OF new assemblies are or
gained every year. and the favorite
field is the rural district Over 500
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
Still Uncertain,

We'll, how much do you expect &c
get out of this deal?" asked the man
who had been rounded up by the
promoter.
You haven't said yet how much
you are willing to put in it," the pro
moter answered, not wishing for some
reason to give direct reply.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
A Hint 20 the Wise.

Madeline-Don't come up to the
house tonight. Harold. Harold-W
not, deari Madeiine--Pa had a pune
ture, cracked cylinder and bent steer
ing wheel today, and I'm afraid he'll
wreak his vengeance on you.-Kansas
City Star.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

Los Angeles policemen are wearing
asbestos-soled shoes. The kind Of talk
the Los Angeles real estate men have
been putting up concerning the land
there was bound to have its effect
sooner or later.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
Aug. IS in American
History.

1S39-Francis Bret Harte. poet. author.
noted for his delineations Of far
western life, born in Albany; died
1902.
1SS5-Reuben E Fenton, ex-governor
OF New York. died: born 1919.
iSe7-Mary Kyle Dallas. popular story
Mxtfer, died: born lS47.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

There was a man 81 our town
Anc he WAS wonerous wise:
He never hit men on the backs
To I'll them with surprise;
One tine he went out rowing with
His sweetheart. and By ing!
He DID not stand Up In tie boat
To Wild: rock the thing.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

The United States navy has Just lost
Pullman Palace Carr, able seaman.
And, considering his name, It is not
surprising that he was able to buy his
release
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

Just TO show that they really have
no hard feelings toward st. Pauls
cathedral, which they tried to blow up
with dynamite. the London suffra-
gists have been using It TO pray in for
Mrs. Pankhurst.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

Especial Correspondence Of The Argus)
Washington, D. c.. Aug. 2S.-Repre-
sentative E R. Bathrick of Ohio has
novel plan for combining the move
ment for better farm credits with the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

According to Cleveland dispatches,
he talked to deaf mutes there yester-
day. But he never weeps when he
talks to men who can hear.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
THE ARGUS.

published daily at 1924 Second ave-
nue. Rock Island. III. Entered at the
p0s'ofhce as second-class matter.)
Rock Island Member of the Associated
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

The best way to get Americans out
of Mexico in case more trouble breaks
out is TO have the worlds series play
ed In Texas.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

Fifty-cent beefsteak is predicted for
next winter. But who cares? Every
body was weaned from beefsteak a
Long time ago.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

AS a matter of fact, John D. Rookie
Teller ought to weep when he looks up
on any human being
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

What with Murphy. Sulzer, Glynn
and Harry Thaw, it seems likely that
New York state will soon have to call
:. in a doctor.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

Always Looking on the Dark Side.
What would be the fest thing you
would &C If you had Rockefeilers
money!?
Wake up. probab36 Il SouN DO
Just my luck"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

Rome-The pope received in private
audience Ri. Rev. ]. NJ. Laval, auxil-
larry bishop CT New Orleans.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
Not Much.

Howell-Readipg naketh a ful, nan
Powell-But If you get arrested for
drunkenness the judge isn't inclined to
accent rs an excuse your statement.
that you have been reading zsew York
Press
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25

Nobody will object if congress takes
n vacation next winter in lieu of the
one il didn't get this summer.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-08-25
BY THE J. w. POTTER CO.

TERMs-ren cents per week by car
rier. in Rock Island.
Complaints % delivery service should
De made to the circulation department,
which should also be notified in every
instance where It is desired to have
paper discontinued. as carriers have no
authority in the promises.
All communications OF argumentative
character. political or religious. must
have real name attached for publica-
lion. No such articles will be printed
over fictitious signatures.
Telephones In all depart tents: Gem
tral Union, West 14s 1145 and 2145.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1913-03-13
Dr.. Hartman's Plain Talk to Young Men

you In the name Of thousands Of 9TH
or young men, like myself"
To this letter replied:
My Dear Boy:-I cannot tell you
how much good your letter has done
me. To know that ] am arousine
the young men In matters Of right
living iiis me with gratitude and en-
thusiasm. want to help you. Write
me any time you wish and / VIII con.
slider your letter strictly confidential
and give you prompt reply. Follow
the advice gave in my article. When
ever you have occasion to consult me
further do not hesitate. Let us be
friends. II you will be obedient to
me as q son ought to be l will be
faithful and true to you as a father
ought to be. Yours sincerely, 8. B.
Hartman, M. D., Columbus. Ohio.
Peruna IL for sale at all drug stores.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1913-03-13

Ny plain talk to young men In my
last article certainly brought out
many responses from young men. l
take this means Of answering them
briefly, for the beneflt Of other young
men who did not write me- One
writer says:
II was greatly interested in your
talk to young men. / wish I was
strong and well as you describe your
self to be. I am going to begin at
once and follow your advice and take
care of myself as / ought to. I viii
quit the use Of all stimulants, tea and
coffee, 60 to bed early. ! win take
the cold water towel bath every morn
ing. want to live to be old and
useful, like you. And shall also
keep Peruna at hand, In case Of slight
ailments as they may arise ! thank
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1913-03-13
ECZEMA IN RED BLOTcHEs

2O5 Kanter Ave., Detroit, Mich
"Some time last summer was taken
with eczema. It began in my hair
flrst with red blotches, then scaly,
spreading to my face. The blotches
were red on my face, dry and scaly,
not large; on my scalp they were
larger, some scabby. They came on
my hands. The inside Of my hands
were all little Jumps as though fun OF
shot about one-sixteenth Of an inch
under the skin. Then they went to
the outside and between and all over
my fingers. It also began on the bot
toms Of my feet and the calves Of my
legs, and itch, oh, my! never had
anything like It and hope never will
again. The itching was terrible. MY
hands got 80 could scarcely work.
II tried different eczema ointmenta
but without results. I also took medf
cine for It but It did no good. saw
the advertisement for q sample OF
Cuticura Ointment and Soap and sent
for one. They did me so much coed
I bought some more, using them No
per directions, and in about three
weeks was we'll again. Cuticura Soap
and Ointment entirely cured me-"
(signed) Benz. Passage. Apr. 8, 1912.
Cuticura Soap and, Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample Of each
free, with 82-p. Skin Book. Address
postcard "Cuticura, Dept L, Boston"
Adv.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1913-03-13
RIDDLES.

= Why was Louis Napoleon like a very
wet day?
Because he reigned (rained) as long
as he could, and then he mizzled.
What are they which. though al
ways drunk, are never intoxicatedS
Toasts. s
What is It that rises and falls, trav-
els about and wears shoes out, but
never had any shoes?
A football.
Why are lawyers uneasy sleepers?
Because they frst lie on one side
and then on the other. and remain
wide awake anthe time.
Why do policemen never catch the
thieves they watch for?
Because they are waiting for
marauderss (more orders).
Why can a matchmaker never mako
fortune?
Because his goods always go on
tick.
Why is a, coachman like a lover7
Because he always desires to be re-
membered by his fare (fair).
Why IL q canary like q collier?
Because he is Gagged up all day and
has to peck for his living.
Why Is a water lily like whaleH
Because It comes to the surface to
blow.
How would you express in one word
having encountered doctor Of medi-
cine7
Met-a-physician.
Why is q person who never lays a
wager as bad Is regulaB-samblerf
Because he Is no better.
Why is q vine like q Boldierf
Because it-is listed and trained. has
ten drills. and then shoots
What key IN muaic win make good
pmcer3
A sharp major.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1913-03-13

r. NJ Fleenor' Using your pills. and
resolved to try them. I did, and took
only two boxes, and I am now sound
and well. I regard my cure as remark
able. can recommend Dodd'S Kidney
Pills to any one who 10 suffering from
Kidney Trouble as was" Write to Mr..
F1eenor about this wonderful remedy.
Dodd's Kidney Pills. Soc. per box at
your dealer or Dodd's Medicine Co,
Buffalo, N. Y. Write for Household
Hints, also music Of National Anthem
(English and German words) and reel
pes for dainty dishes. All 3 sent free.
Adv,
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1913-03-13
Solvent.

A certain man found himself in the
possession Of $11,000,OO0. But he did
not lose his head. On the contrary.
Twill pay only 30 much for car"
he firmly declared, "as will leave OF
the 81 100000 a sum sufficient. II
prudently invested in the funds. to de-
fray the cost of having the thing
around"
And though in that resolution he
paid 20 little for q car that his wife
would scarcely speak to him, his
sense Of financial solvency was his
ample rewards-Puck.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1913-03-13

it iB the best remedy I ever nsed ana
does Just what you claim for It to the
very letter. can not recommend e
too highly"
A bottle can be bought Of any drug
gist at nifty cents or one dollar. feo'
pie usually buy the fifty cent size first.
and then, having convinced themselves
OF its merits they buy the dollar siza
which Is more economical Results are
always guaranteed or money win b
refunded. Any elderly person can fol.
low these suggestions with safety and
the assurance Of good results.
II no member Of your family has
ever used Syrup Pepsin and you would
Ike to make q personal trial Of 4 b.
fore buying It IN the regular way Of .
druggist send your address postal
Win do--to DR.. ". 3. Caldwell. 800
washington St, Monticello. m, an9 =
frea sample bottle win b mailed -
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1913-03-13
PUZZLE OF MAGIC BUTTONS
String May Removed From StrlI
Of Leather Without Detaehlng
Two Little Knobs.

Make two parallel cuts with pen
knife along the center Of q slip o
leather or other material. and below
them q hole of the same width. Past
a piece Of string under the slit, ant
through the hole. and tie the two but
tons, each much larger than the hole
to the ends Of the string.
How can the string be released
without removing either Of the but
tons?
The string when It has been placet
in the position shown in the diagram
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1913-03-13
Bowels Get Weak
As Age Advances
The First Necessity is to
Keep the Bowels Gently
ODen With O Mild
Laxative Tonic


Healthy old age Is so absolutely de-
pendent upon the condition OF the
bowels that great care should be taken
10 see that they act regularly. The fact
is that as age advances the stomach
muscIes become weak and inactive
ana the liver does not store up the
Juices that are necessary to prompt
digestion.
Some help can be obtained by eat
ing easily digested foods and by
plenty Of exercise, but this latter -
irksome to most elderly people. One
thing Is certain, that Q state Of con.
stipation should always be avoided as
Il Il DANGEROUS to life and health. The
hest plan Is to take q mild laxative
as often as is deemed necessary. But
with equal certainty It IL suggested
that cathartics, purgatives, physics,
salts ana pills be avoided, as they 90
hut Temporary good and are so harsh
e 70 be shock to q delicate system.
A much better plan, and one that
thousands Of elderly people are follow
ing. a to take q gentle laxatige-tonic
NE Or. CaldwelI's Syrup Pepsin,
which acts as nearly like nature a. ID
possible. In fact, the tendency Of this
remedy d to strengthen the stomach
and bowel muscles and so train them
20 act naturally again, when medicines
Of an kinds can usually be dispensed
With. This is the opinion Of many
peoule OF different ages, among hem
Mr.. D. p. Miller. Baroda. Mich, who
writes: II am so years old and have
been const1pated for many years. Since
receiving your sample bottle ] have
prooursd two SOC bottles and md that
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1913-03-13

Washington. Inventors win be In
terested in the establishment Of .
Patent Information Bureau. Barristef
Building, washington, d. G. The pur.
pose Of this bureau is to supply free
to inventors information regarding the
patentability Of inventions. and any
other details relating to patents, trade
marks. copyrights. etc. Inquiries adj
dressed to this bureau will receive
prompt attentlon.-Adv.