Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1913-07-24
Heard on the Streets
OF THE TOWN
BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN

OF THE TOWN
BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN
There is only one thing in the world
that woman can't fool. And that's
bedbug.
The prodigal son returned. "Fatted
calf is out of date" he said. Give
me bull moose.
There are some things that the Devil
is too decent to do himself so he turns
them over to Bob.
Some girls remind one OF Prohibition
candidates. They are always cam
paigning, but they never land any
thing.
1t is a great blessing to have two
hands. With one you can WELD
palm-leaf fan and the other swat an oc-
casional fly.
What do you know about a state
where the corn was six inches high a
month ago and is now tall enough to
hide horse in?
A new worlds record has recently
been made by running horse, but the
little old electric light meter smashes
records every week
They are putting so many holes and
so little material into lingerie these
days that it should be sold by the
pound, like Swiss cheese.
As to SOME people saying few idle
words about us, we must not mind that
any more than the old church steeple
minds the rocks cawing about it.
If the secretary of state can break
away for few weeks chautauquaing
seems like the senators and congress
men who need the money should be
let off also.
This years elderberry crop will be
enormous, according to reports. Now
if Mr.. Bryan were popularizing elder
berry JUICE as drink instead of grape
juice the item would be of greater in
terest.
The mollycoddle who waits. for the
mistletoe before mussing up her per-
fectly good rat, will be asleep at the
switch when some wise Hiram flags
her and becomes conductor of her
wedding train.
Neither has the fellow and he is
legion-who CONSUMES a quarters
worth of cigars and makes several trips
to the soda fountain day any right to
grumble about expense and yell
economy to his wife.
1t is claimed that an English woman
has discovered way to prevent babies
from crying. If it is an improvement
upon the method of taking kid and
shaking it up and down like pepper
box it ought to- be- tired -------,
Fred Smith, the druggist would like
to know if "wreckless" and reckless
are one and the same word and if the
meaning is the same2 Too deep for us,
Smith, you'll have to enquire of the
elder, he manufactures words while
you wait.
An Audubon woman is proposed as a
candidate for Carnegie medal She
met rat face to face and instead of
running and screaming, she kicked it
in the head and killed it. Surely she
is entitled to medal for bravery or
Workmanship.
If airboats become as popular as
automobiles it may be necessary to
roof the streets. There is already con-
siderable talk of eliminating all danger
of automobile accidents by putting in
the block system on country roads 1t
has been suggested that the system be
tried first between Audubon and
Templeton, or thereabouts.
The big man physically who depends
on his size and arrogance to carry him
though life, is going to find another
gent who has been brought up on
cream puffs, but who possesses a large
sized think tank, holding down the
bag when he gets there. Remember
Goliath was some bear cat until Little
Davy put knockout. drops in his suds.
1t may be right and perfectly proper
for the mayor of town to cause the
arrest of fellow citizen, and cause
him to pay an extortionate fine for using
profane language on the public streets.
Yet this same individual could not en-
force the law against automobilists ex
ceeding the speed limit because he was
simply presiding officer.
Pull together, brethren. We are all
here for the same purpose. Then live
and let live. The best way to build up
town is for each and every man to
pull together and not to rend and pull
down. All the residents of a town are
partners, not opponents. In all likeli-
hood, the more business done by your
rival the more you will do. If the
Audubon Commercial Club is to thrive
this idea must be adheard to.
When r. c. Spencer was mayor of
the city he had an opportunity to en-
force the laws regarding "wreckless'
driving of automobiles, but he didn't
do it. Now that he has backed down
from that exalted position he uses
half column in his newspaper urging
the people that something must be
Il 1~sx s.,a,