davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-11-01
SAVED FROM U. S. CRAFT
Captain and Grew Of the Lottie
Beard at Southampton.
INV CdbIc 10 The TribunC !

London. oct. 3l.--The British steamer
Sylvia brought To Southampton to-day
Captain Laurry and the other survivors
of the American schooner Lottie Beard.
After the vessel had left New Jersey
she encountered terrific storms. Both
her masts were carried away and the
shin vas in danger of laundering when
her signals Of distress were seen boy the
Sylvia.
The schooner was set ire 10 anu
abandoned in a sinking condition.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-11-01
FARMER HERO KILLED
Gave Life in Vain to Save Wom-
an from Runaway Team.

sunbury. Penn, Oct. 3l.-~Frank
White, a farmer, was killed near here
to-day while trying to save the life OF
Mrs Sarah Vought. whose horse had
become unmanageable and crashed into
a four-mule team driven by Whl'e'
Mrs. Vought is dying in a hospital.
When the frightened horse ran into
his wagon White leaped out and
Crashed its bride in an effort TO pre-
vent it from trampling on Mrs. Nought,
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-11-01
FOR BIG BULGARIAN LOAN
Negotiations Begin in Paris for
$80,000,000 Issue.
[By Gable TO The Tribune. ]

Paris, Oct. BIN. Pichon, Foreign
Minister, to-day received NJ. Cinema
def. who arrived i'm Paris from Sofia
to negotiate a Bulgarian loan of 400
100000 francs.
lie Journal des Debats" says that if
the loan is granted France will demand
that Bulgaria assume a part of the
ottoman debt, said part to be proper
tionate to the amount of territory
wrested by Bulgaria from Turkey in
the late war.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-11-01
AERIAL TIME TABLES NOW
Hamburg American Line Fore
sees Progress by 1915.
M Cable to 1nc TrIbunc |

Berlin oct. 3l.-The Hamburg Amer
lean line issued tonight for the first
time "alr time tables" including hours
of departure of Zeppelin flights for pas
sengers all over Germany. II is hoped
that the progress in aerial navigation
will enable the company 10 send several
airshps to Hamburg with passengers
for Panama and San Francisco during
the exposition
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-11-01
UNDERGRADUATE PIPES GO
Fire Feared, Not Morals, at
University of Pennsylvania.
BY Telegraph to The Tribune. ,

7 ~ TUT "FII 10 1T IFIUUIIt,
Philadelphia, oct. IA loud wall comes
from the undergraduates of the Univer-
sty of Pennsylvania because OF new
order posted up In College Hall and in
the Wharton School forbidding smoking
There was talk Of sending a petition to
the faculty praying that the privilege
be restored. II is not likely the order
will be revoked.
Dean Quinn OF the college said there
were two reasons for the edict-one. that
the fire inspector had warned him of
the great risk and the other that the
privilege was attended by dirt and insani-
tation
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-11-01
ITALY WILL CONSULT U. S.

Bone, oct. Sit is understood here
that Italy will not adopt any programmes
concerning Mexico without first having
entered into a friendly exchange OF ideas
on the subject with the United States
government
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15
Lines From the Fascinating Widow

me not to ffirt with a pals girl, can't
you?''
L-"Well, yes, I trust you, old pal.
but I'll breathe freer when you are
out of this game.
H. (made up as widow) And so
will I, believe me" (holding on to his
side.)
L. (who is looking at pipe)-'That's
some swell pipe"
H.-"Some class. It's got my name
carved on it and everything. It's
the only consolation / have when I'm
shut up in Mrs. Monte's room in the
dorm.tory.'
Tut-"You don't have the nerve to
smoke over there, Hal. do you?.
HI get away with a puff or two
once in a while
T.-"Don't they get on to the
smoke?"
H,-~No, blow it down the heat
register
TITS wonderful how you fool
them"
L.-~why. he'd fool anybody. Do
you know, you got me worried?"
H.-"Why?'
L.-"If an ordinary looking guy like
you can make such a peachy looking
woman. what would the gals we
know look like if we could really
see them?''
H.-.Don't worry. old man. No
part of your girl Ivy ever came out
of beauty parlor.''
LIS that so? (suddenly.) How
do you know
Hits a consensus of oainicu
amongst u. sirss."
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

Corporal" said the Traffic Cop.
how much Life Insurance do yoi
carry?"
Not a pound replied the Cor
poral there were just two things
that my Mother had religious
scruples about--a Brass Band
Dance and Life Insurance. l
wouldn't be surprised though IL
ii was a pretty good thing"
1T must be-iust think of the
people who carry it"
Worse than that-just think of
the number of people who are
selling it. If every man who is
selling Life Insurance is a Policy
Holder. the Companies are doing
a much larger business than I've
ever given them credit for"
'sYes@there are certainly lot
of them at ii.
Well. / should say so. / un-
derstand that the daily turn out
of Life Insurance Solicitors is
greater than the output of Ford
automobiles. But I'll say this for
the autos, they carry you, while
you have to carry the Life In
surance."
"On the other hand. Corporal.
if lot of people who are buying
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

$4,000 in cash and a Policy for
$1,000; or thev will give me 500
a month for. life-bet me that I
won't live to collect it. and try
to get me to take out another
Policy in case / loose that bet.
There's no use talking, Cor
pora1, if you want to get the best
of a thing let woman figure it
out. My wife sat up until $3.50
last Sunday looking over my
Policy-and she woke me up be-
fore she came to bed to read to
me what she wanted me to take
in case | was alive in 20 years
] don't remember the full details
of her selection, but it was some
thing like this: A paid up Pol
icy for $1,000 on my life-a fire.
less cooker for herself-a course
at the University for Johnny
private lessons in manicuring for
Edith-a glove order for her
Brother-and If there was any
thing left to have the roof fixed.
j was looking it over afterwards
to see whether what she had spe-
Gifted came within the terms of
the Policy-and | was somewhat
surprised to find that she was
correct in every item ana had
made fairly good selection.
1T nearly took my breath away
though to discover a clause IN the
Policy which stated that-if 1
cared to pay $40 additional Pre-
MUM a year. the Company would
bet me-tilat if I had roof there
wouldn't be a leak in it, For SIS
a year additional Premium they
made me a proposition that no
matter what sort of roof ! had
they would make ii weather
proof--and for $50 additional
Premium a year / could name my
own weather
Suppose your Policy has. run
10 years and you can't pay the
what happens them
-In case Of that kind you turn
the Policy back TO the Company
DO they give you anything for
it,"
"Oh. yes. You see. all the Poll
cies have cash value. and on cop
of that are the accumulated Divi-
dends-subtraete from which is
the time it has been in force.an
deducted from that is what 1t
would have cost them to have
made good on the promises they
made >y6u in case the Policy ran
2tfNearss-
afTbat's s. perfectly plain to me;
biit who does all this figuring?"
HOW MANY
WOULD PASS:
81 sWHy, the Insurance Connpa-
MES. What arg. you smiling att
p II Wase jus { Wondering If the
9Policy Hclderse were Aallowed 10
ask as many questions of the Com
pany as the Company dfd OF the
Rulfcv Holders. gihow many COM
panies would pass s~rs <
II hadn't thought ofFthat I sup
pose lot of them would have
wv ould lave Iqk do just, what
most of the Policy Holders have
Ito do <ft77 f8'5ge
What RI II FtFrs
die 10 beat It
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15
Bg&@@@nwhis0gs Traffic (6p
LIFE gNSUR ANCE

asked me was this: do you use
intoxicating liquors?"
What did you tell him.
II said that possibly ] might
take one drink day. He then
took out his pencil and figured
that one drink a day was three
hundred and sixty-fiye drinks
year-and l was applying for a
twenty year Policy--if l lived.
the grand total would be seven
thousand three hundred drinks.
Then he added that. as far as
he could see, if / survived TO
cash the Policy, i would have to
use the proceeds to fight Delirium
Tremens. Why. by the time I
left the office / felt that If the
Company ever accepted me it
would be because they owned
Stock in a Distillery and were
trying to do the right thing by a
customer"
Suppose you had told him the
truth?'
Il don't think it would have
cut much figure. because ! noticed
that very time he asked me a
question that I didn't care par
ticularly about answering he al
ways added Ks. Now. Of course,
that might be some of this med
ical stuff that they put on pre-
scriptions, but to me 1t looked
like pure multiplication. He may
not be puch~ Of a doctor. but
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

when we die but the tears are not for
us, but for a father wasted. sons 5
breeding thrown away. They accuse
us of treating them as a mere means
TO our pleasure, but how can so feeble
and transient a fCIly as a mans self
ish pleasure enslave woman as the
whole purpose of Nature embodied in
woman can enslave a man?
R.-What matter If the slavery
makes us happy?
T.-No matter at all. If you have no
purpose of your own and are, like
most men, mere breadwinner. You
think that you are AIMS suitor-that
you are the pursuer and she the pur-
sued-that it is your part to WOO, to
persuade to prevail. to overcome.
Fool, II is you who are the pursued.
the marked down quarry, the destined
prey. You need not sit looking long
ingly at the bait through the wires of
the trap; the door is open and will
remain so until it shuts you in for
ever. Why man. what other work
has she in life, but to get husband? +?
It's woman's business to get mar
ried as soon as possible and a mans
to keep unmarried as long as he can.
R.-You don't understand. You have
never been in love.
Tt have never been out of it.
Why, I am in love even with Ann. But
I am neither the slave of love nor its
dupe. BY heaven, II women could do
without our work, and we ate their
childrens bread instead of making it.
they would kill us as the spider kills
her mate or as the bees kill the drone.
And they would be right if we were
good for nothing but love.
RI beg you not to say anything
like that to Ann.
T.-Dont be afraid She has
marked you for her own and nothing
will stop her now You are doomed
RI can not write without inspira-
tion, and nobody can give me that ex-
cept Ann.
T.-Well. hadn't you better get it
from her at a safe distance2 If you
don't expose your idolatry to the
test of domestic familiarity il may
last till your grave. But marry Ann,
and at the end of a week you'll find
no more inspiration in her than in a
plate of mullins.
R.-You think l shall tire of her?
T.-Not at all You don't get tired
of mullins. But you don't find in
spiration in them, and you won't in
her when she ceases to be a poets
dream and becomes a solid eleven
stone wife You'll be forced to dream
about somebody else, and then there
will be row.
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

Tanner-Do you want to count for
something in the world2
Robinson want to write a great
play.
with Ann as the heroine?
R.-Yes, I confess it,
Take care The play with Ann
as the heroine is all right. but if
you're not very careful, by heaven,
shell marry you.
R.-No such luck.
T.-Why man, your heads in the
lioness mouth. You are half swal-
lowed already.
R.-She is the same to every body.
T.-Yes; she breaks everybody's
back with the stroke of her paw. But
the question is which of us viii she
eat? Ny own opinion is that she
means to eat you.
RI so want her to eat me that
can bear your brutalities because
they give me hope.
That's the devilish side of a
woman's fascination. She makes you
viii your own destruction.
R.-Its not destruction; it's fulfill
ment.
T.-Yes. of her purpose. and that
purpose is neither her happiness nor
YOURS. but Natures. Vitality in a
woman is blind fury of creation.
She sacrifices herself TO it Do you
think she will hesitate to sacrifice
you2
R-It is Just because she is self
sacrificing that she viii not sacrifice
those she loves.
THAT is the profoundest of mis-
takes. 1t is the self-sacrificing women
that sacrifice others most recklessly.
Because they have a purpose which is
not their own purpose. but that of
the whole universe, a man is nothing
to them but an instrument of that
purpose.
R-Don't be ungenerous They take
the tenderest care of US
T.-Yes, as a soldier takes care Of
Lis rifle or a musician of his violin.
But do they allow US any purpose or
freedom of our own? Will they lend
rs 10 one another? Can the strong
est man escape from them when once
he is appropriated? They tremble
when we are in danger. and weep
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

wit that carried off many a sit
uation where he was the intended
butt of his comrades.
One day this son of Erin was
badly injured at gun practice.
Doctor Leland felt that it might
console the recruit if he would
sympathize with him. So he sent
for him.
''Sorry to hear you've lost
tooth, my friend" he said Very
tough luck. Perfectly good tooth,
too
Private McProcey looked dubi-
Gus. He held the tooth before
the gaze of his superior while
the blood ran in a stream from
his mouth.
We'll, liftinant. | dunno, re-
piled the marine seriously. And
he held the molar up for inspec-
ton. Just see ii you don't
zee a hole in it,
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15
BY Larry Harris

came away thoroughly convinced
: that he was some clairvoyant"
is that all there is to it-a
cross examination
across AND
PHYSICAL''
No. there are two. cross and
physical
'Oh, they examine you physic-
ally. do they?-
We'll. / should say so. The
first thing they DO is to put
couple Of tubes in their ear and
the receiver on your chest
Then what happens?''
Then they ask you to call for
a number-and If the line isn't
clear, they get out tack hammer
and go to work on your switch
board. / asked the Doctor
who examined me what ii was
all about, and he told me that he
wanted to satisfy himself that
my heart wasn't up behind my
ear. He also admitted that the
"Tik- TAX Toe" stuff wasn't par
ticularly necessary, but that as
the Company was paying him lib
orally for the examination, he
wanted to give me everything
that was coming to me. so that L
wouldn't ask for a rain check.
After that he put me on the
scaIes-then he measured my
height-divided my weight by the
height and asked me for the num-
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

Last week we had a terrible aeci-
dent in the house.
Ny wife had another baby
And he's such big fellow.
He weighs at least II pounds.
know he weighs Il pounds, be-
cause Edelstein. the butcher next door,
brought in his own scales. and on that
he weighed y.
There's only one trouble with that
baby.
I'm afraid he takes after his mother.
He's so contrary.
He sleeps all day and he hollers all
night.
But. I tell you. I'm proud of that
baby
He's got such a strong voice Every
body what hears him says he is going
TO be great man. I can't make up
my mind, but I know he's going to be
either a tenor or an auetioneer-
But so far. from the way he acts, ]
think he's going to be a milkman.
Such an appetite he's got
Half the time he's hungry; and when
be amt hungry he's thirsty.
Every morning at 5 o'clock he's up.
It's wonderful how such a young
baby can tell the time. The clock can
be fast. the clock can be slow; but the
baby always knows when it's o'clock
10 the minute
So I could sleep in the morning. on
purpose 1 made the clock two hours
slow.
But you can't fool him.
And he's so young. I don't see how
he can get up so early.
And my oldest boy-we can't get
him up in the morning at all.
That's the hardest work I got in my
house-to get the Oldest boy up and
to get the youngest one to sleep.
In the middle of the night he starts
TO holler-for nothing.
And that wouldn't be so bad, but the
neighbors start to holler. too.
One fellow hollered through the
window, Keep that baby quiet" And
I hollered back, Tell me how TO do
il and I will
Ny wife said. Take the baby in
your arms and sing him to sleep" So
] took the baby up and started to sing
And he likes music. AS soon as 1
started 10 sing that baby kept quiet,
but as soon as I'd stop he'd start hol-
lering again. For at least an hour
had to keep on singing.
Then that same fellow pulled up his
window and he said. Il can't stand
that. For heavens sake. let the baby
cry"
7 can't understand how some people
don't like children.
There's some people. rich families
that won't have children.
They think more of a dog.
Il don't see how people can he that
way. ! got a baby. sure, he's lots ef
trouble; but ! wouldn't trade him for
two dogs.
For that baby ! wouldn't take $1,000
cash.
And ] wouldn't give nickel fer
another ono like it.
Yesterday we gave a party for kl1e
babv. TO see what name we should call
him. 4s - -.s.z
But the neighbors wouldn't wait for
the party.
You ought to hear the names they
called him.
And when everybody was there +
showed them a bank bought for the
baby and told them, This bank will
not be opened until the baby viii be
2 years Old
Cohan said, Give me the banx,
want to drop in a quarter. .~s 4s<
Silverstein said, Give me the bank,
want 10 drop in half dollar
Then Hershkovitch took the bank
end he says, Here goes "a dollar for
the baby
And such a lot of liars.
All they put in was cents and
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15
All Right, But

Former President Roosevelt was
once shown a picture of himself in
battle He was represented as waving
sword. on horseback. in one of the
fights in Cuba.
is il a good picture?~ ne was asked
"Ye-es.'' he replied, Its all right
except that | never had a sword and
/ didn't ride a horse. Otherwise it's
all right
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

Will be here directly. That's the
sort of painting l like; simple, sug-
gestive and unpretentious."
The workman was engaged in ex-
cavating operations, j. e.. he was dig
ging.
The wayfarer of the inquisitive turn
of mind stopped for a moment to look
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15
ImpreSSi0niStic Realism

That. Why, that represents the
passage of the Jews through the Red
sea.
Beg pardon. but where is the sea? p
IT has been driven back.
And where are the Jews"
They have crossed over"
And the Egyptians2"
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

A painter of the "impressionist@
school is now confined in a lunatic
asylum. To all persons who visit his
studio he says. Look here; this is the
latest masterpiece OF my compost
ton" They look, and see nothing but
an expanse of bare canvas. They ask,
What does that representa-
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

What is that?"
The two weeks you have to
put in waiting to see whether or
not you have passed. You see,
they turn your application over
to a firm of Certified Public Ac-
countants. and If what you have
said doesn't balance with what
the examination has proved. you
haven't one chance in hundred
of appearing either under the
column of Premiums Received
or Claims Paid.
You said you were applying
for 20 year Policy. What do
You mean by that? Suppose you
die before 20 years.
Then the Company pays the
face of the Policy
But suppose you live 90 years
then what"
I'm sorry you asked me that
.Why?''
Because cant begin to teli4
you the number Of different
things you have the option OF
doing IL you outlive the life ofs
your Policy. It's all figured out
for you--made a part of the Po1--'
icy and attached thereto. ski
THE MANY
ALTERNATIVES
But as I've only had mine two
weeks. and as I've had to go out
two nights. haven't been able
to go all through the list-but as
far as I've gone the Policy states
that If live for 20 years they
VIII issue me paid up Policy
for $7.000--or they will give me
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15
Joe We1ch at the Orpheum

eight pants buttons. I found out as
soon as they had gone.
Then the baby started to cry and
Hershkovitch gave him his watch TO
play with. It's fine watch-s50 at
least And the baby dropped it on the
floor
Such smart boy He knows his
father is a matchmaker
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15


Do you mean they ask personal
questions?''
They certainly do, and, what's
more, they make you sign the an
swers. I thought the Fellow that
] went to see was some sort of
Supreme Judge until the Nurse
came in, called him Doctor and re-
lieved the situation
What did he ask you?''
. you can take all the questions
that you have ever answered since
the very first day they wished a
star on you, and compared to Life
Insurance you haven't even
started.
Its all right enough to tell people
where the Mint is. to direct women
To the White House or try to ex-
plain why Third street is Third
street until it crosses Market and
then it's Kearny: but when it
comes to having a Doctor with
Mahogany Manners ask you IL
your Mother drank and If your
father stayed home nights, it's
pretty hard medicine to sit and
take. no matter how much your
patience will ultimately benefit
your estate.
THE DOCTORS
MEDICAL WITTICISM
.Do you have to tell them all
you know"
Not If you expect TO get the
Policy. The Doctor who exam
ined me seemed to be reading
these questions off the applica-
tion blank, but he didn't fool me
any. AS soon as l was convinced
that he was making some of them
up and trying to work off a few
medical witticisms on me, I did
little high and lofty tumbliTg
myself
"For instance?"
well. one Of the questions he
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

(Julian Eltinge has gem in his mu-
sic play, The Fascinating Widow.
in which he opens at the Columbia
theater on Sunday night He has
been appearing in the piece for three
seasons, and the bright lines and sit
uations are as good TO listen to and
read today as they were when first
brought to the public notice)
Hal to Lank-"Say, you can trust
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

a u [ o m Ob1leS
would put that
same money
into Life In
surance they
wouldn't have
that guilty
] 0 o k e v cry
time they
passed an am
bulance.
An auto
mobile is a
great luxury
for dashing
around I h e
country, b u [
when it comes
to the long
ride. I'd rath-
er have a one
nrIfndo, nn
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

not Are they that careless with
Life Insurance."
NO, sir-not by some consider
able. You see, after the Solicitor
gets you worked up to a point
where you either have to insure
to protect your Family or kill the
Solicitor to protect your peace of
mind, you sign an application. and
are then marched up to the office
Of the medical examiner"
These Life Insurance Fellows
want to know whether you really
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

My man. said the wayfarer at
length, what are you digging for?'
The workman looked up.
Money" he replied.
Money" calculated the amazed
wayfarer. And when do you expect
TO strike it?"
Saturday. replied the workman,
and resumed operations.
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

have the fur
niture or not
- they have
the furniture
or not - do
they"
Yes, and /
rather gath
cred they were
also interested
in what you
didn't h a V e.
Why. the ques-
tions those
Fellows put to
Y o u w o u I d
make one of
our old time
e u g S s i n &
matches go
over and stand
in the corner,
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15
A Perfectly Good Tooth
T)lAsD.wno D. ! p ~n

- OCIOR LIZ
DLAsD. who
is a lieu
tenant COM
mander in the
state naval
militia, as well
as coroner.
tells a funny
story of the
troubles of a
recruit in his
command.
The aforesaid
recruit, in spite
of the fact that
he hailed from
Santa Barbara,
was about the
greenest prop
osition Leland
ever ran up
against. but he
possessed a
vein of Celtic
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15
I'm in Love

m in oveiN No used denying, Cupid has me in his SPELL
dwell
the day md de' en-
nd bright me
Pausng flashing do haunt mind,
myso with inspire o a ethereal kndi
al upsettng often. o
Peace Of fmnd to me will t
The San Francisco call., 1913-11-15

tube and wait
ed until the
t h e rmoneter
r e a c h e d a
point where /
began to feel
that 1t was
t h e hottest
day of the
y e ar again.
then he shook
his head. let
the tire go fiat
and pointed to
the exit"
rs that all
there is to it?"
Il should say
n o t. T h e n
C o IN e s t h e
hardest part of
t h e w h o | e
thing.