davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
THE STANDARD OIL MELONS.

The Standard Oil Company never was much
given to taking the public into its confidence. II
had its own ways of doing business, and when those
ways sometimes looked cld-fashioned, it went right
ahead with them, and really did quite we'll.
For instance, Standard Oil never seemed afraid
to declare 40 per cent dividend. 1t accumulated
something like a billion dollars of property, with
capitalization of only onetenth that amount 1t could
easily have expanded its stock up to the point where
its dividend would have been instead Of 40 per
cent; but it didn't
Then the Government came along and dissolved
into seventyodd concerns and instructed them that
they were to perform independently. They may or
may not have been doing that differences of opinion
obtain. The Attorney General has doubts and Mr..
Henry Clay Pierce, who is something of figure in
oil himself, has them.
But the one outward evidence of a change of
policy is in the matter of capitalization. The dis
severed companies seem to be going in for nominal
capitazatons that will represent their actual values
i is not very apparent that the public has any ground
for objection if the value is really there, and on
that point the general conservatism of the Standard
Interests in the past far concerns capitalization
appears pretty good guarantee.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
BACK-ACTION INCOME TAX.

In the earlier discussions of the new tariff we re-
minded those responsible for the income tax pro-
visions that while the Democratic party and even the
public might not object to defiance of the United
States Constitution it wouldn't have been bad thing
to think of how the Supreme Court might view such
matters.
The particular point to which called attention
was that it was abhorrent to the Consttuton-and to
ell theories of human law, justice and ethics-that
backaction legislation should mix up right and wrong
and the possible and the impossible of the present
with ri ght and wrong and the possible and the i'm
possible of the past We undertook to make the point
clear with the very simple illustration that if it
legal and proper to pick strawberries in the year of
1910, say then for Government to decree in 1913
say that anybody who had picked strawberries in
1910 should be hanged, under the laws making it
capital crime to pick strawberries after 19l3-that
this sort of thing would be very bad government
form TO say the least.
Those making the income tax want it to have its
effect revert back of the date when the law is
enacted back of the date when the Democratic party
took possession of the Government, back of the
date even when an income tax was permissible
under the fundamental law of the nation.
On January /, 1913, the Constitution of the
United States still sad-as it had said years before
legislation for income taxthat there could not be
such income tax as is being enacted. But
those framing the new tariff and passing it through
the House of Representatives decided nevertheless
to have the income tax-whenever the law might
be passed. next week, next month next year
60 back in its application TO the very first Of the
year 1913 Yes, go back past the time of constitu-
tona amendment.
Ii is announced that prominent members of
the Government have changed their minds. They
will make concession to the Constitution of the
United States. They will try to readust the date So
that the application of the income tax will 60 back
as far possible ahead of the actual enactment of
the measure, but yet not far enough to nullify too
the Constitution.
If those who made the tariff overlooked or
were Indifferent to things fagrantly in conflict
with fundamental law with all human practices and
common sense that anybody could detect them at
first glance may be excused for suspecting that
there may be other things ever, more preposterous,
hidden away in the obscure parts Of the tariff
which not everybody has carefully examined. s
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
Conquests of Constance
By VIC
By Alma Woodward

an pins reminds me how I lost another
Texas Tommy
"One day he fioated in here lookin'
like he wuz miserable in his clothes!
But he took one Wv the best rooms an
when he paid fer his cigars, over at
package NV saffron colored symbols big
enough to be used as a bumper on the
staten Island ferry. Then / took another
good look an 1 got him sized up fer
some kind NV miner-one Nv them
what don't sell stock. So when he blew
right.
We'll, he precipitated in a unbelievs-
his roll he didn't need to give no high
sign to get into no place. So we GER
tainly did the rounds. But, gee. wuz
nearly dead issue tryin' to keep UP
with him. He had a ranch in Texas
an he had jus sold a setting of cows
York. he said. He walked like he had
man-eatin' lion at his heels. he got
upstairs like a boundin' antelope. an
when he helped me OF a car he had
ofr'n the carpet for arm-socket treat
ment. Well. he'd a made most any
dynamo discredit to the manufae-
turer, but he blewi
so one night when We wuz in one
Nv the swell cafes. a couple got UP an
did the Texas Tommy. He looked On
fer a while an then he said:
That thing reminds me Of some
thing
What is itT I seZ.
That's the Texas Tommy. Don't
they do IL grand He sez: What
Why, l invented that dance. An that's
about as much like 1t as funeral
march. Come on. kid, let's US show
EN- how 1t ought to be done
We'll. that same evenin' wuz IN one
Wv them creations that another dress
maker had left at half-mast-an' I WIZ
completed with pinsi An with his way
Nv comparin' that wild dance to q fu-
neral march ] knew when We Soe
through my wardrobe wouldn't be
stickin' by me like it ought &c %
declined.
AN the mutt sez I wuZ no sport.
an he goes an cops a girl from an
other table an beats it. He wuz from
Texas. an he had the cush"' she re-
iterated sadly.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

of commodity, and the purveyor thereof smlllngiy
accepted the rate, and then made some regulations
under which it would give varying numbers of ounces
to pound in varying cases.
That sort of manipulation of things under public
utility regulation act is just what gets the corpora
tions in the publics bad graces. The best thing
public service concern can do is to accept and en-
force, in good faith, the rates laid down for it. They
are likely to be liberal, anyhow There is too much
disposition to enjoin the at the beginning and
refuse to accept them until the court of last resort
has decided in their favor As rule tina! kind of
a fight saves the company nothing in the end, and
prejudices the public.
Our own public utilities board is going to have
lot of these things to face and it would be cheering
to believe that our service corporations would dis
play the broad and intelligent attitude that unfortu-
nately is too rare in such cases.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
Texas
Tommy.

ILIl THINK all the dresSnakers Is
the remnants Nv disordered
lives!" Constance burst out. as
prepared to take my accus-
toned seat.
Who's a dressmaker." said coldly.
Jaw, I'm gettin' 1t as fast as I en-
she hurled through the receiver, at
some inofensive guest. Most likely
their centrars busy shapin' her eye
brows an amt got time to answer.
Geer' she turned to me in disgust
them 'well-the-idea-I been standin'-
here-fer-ten'- minutes danes gives re a
kink in my amiable disposition Wei,
as wuz sayin'. I'm on tomorrow. yuh
know, an I wuz gettin' a rig bull. to
sizzle the multitude, at this mere dress
makers Oh, knockout! One Nv item
yuh got to look twice before yef sure
yuh see what yuh thought you saw the
first time thinGsi All pleatcd shadow
lace an everythin' draped SOS 1t looks
like yer burstin' out wv swaddltn
clothes.
An now. JUS before the critical mo-
ment, when I wuz even breaSin' In my
new short vamp shoes fer the fray. this
ounce Nv a needle nudger goes an gets
pink-eye, an can't work I amt never
vet got nothing real vital started by
one NV them but what she nps an gets
blemishes in her health! 1 so- the luck
wv a tame prune."
Finish II yourself" / suggested.
Me finish it," every feature of her
face echoed the emphatic question.
why. say, I'd look like the great Egyp-
tian Mystery II I ever got my hooks
tangled up in them hangin,s don't
never use needles unless the pins run
low. Nav, I'm dished for tomorrow all
right unless 1t rains like blazes an
makes my raincoat go. But l amt got
any luck at all. Most likely the sun II
be shinin' like a massaged dome:
'.Oh. cheer up" / urged, giving her an
encouraging nod with my pencil,
things might be worse
Say, they planted the last feller what
said that. yesterday, before dawn, she
warned. If there Is any ree-mark that
gives me a deeper desire to destroy than
that one, 1 don't know it. Things is
punk! An amt goin' to con myself
no longer. But. speakin' about needles
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
What's on the Program IN
Washington 7oday

Columbia Lodge. No. g. and Lebanon
No. I. F. A. a. NJ: Hiram Chapter
No. 10. R A. NJ; Martha Chapter
No. 4. Order of the Eastern Star. will
meet tonight.
Central Lodge. No. l: Metropolis. M
Is. and Phoenix, No. IS, 1. o. @ F:
Miriam, No. s. Rebecah Lodge. /. q
o. F.. will meet tonight.
Regular meeting of Spaldinx Council
Knights of Columbus. tonight.
An address on How Girls Should
Dress and Conduct Themselves IN
Public" by Mrs. Giles Scott Rafter
at the Thompson School, go D. m,
Washington Opera Club will produce
The Chimes of Normandy" for the
benefit of the Mt. Pleasant play-
grounds. at ST. Stephens Parish Hail
Fourteenth street. between Columbia
road and Irving street, D. m,
Business High School Alumni Associa-
ton annual outing to Marshall Hall
today.
Lawn fete by the Mothers Association
of the Wallach School this evening.
Mrs. Arthur Granville Dunn, soprano.
song recital at the National Library
for the Blind. 1729 H street northwest
p. m.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
Here's a Book

The Business oC Pawnbroking." Sam
uel W. Levine. OF the New York bar
published by the D. Halpern Company.
OF New York
large majority Of people have the
wrong opinion OF Our Uncle the pawn
broker, and some have even gone Sc
far as to enormously accuse his profes-
sion as being the cause for the increase
of crime. Far be II from such. The
causes which drive people into the pawr
shops are economic evils. the pawn shor
is merely means: were II not in exist.
ence, criminals could Yer yeasily find
some other manner in which to dispose
OF loot.
Samuel Levine's book is an ardent
and logical defense OF the business
founded on years of experience and a
complete knowledge OF the legal side
Of the question.
This Is an unusual and we'll written
hook. helpful to the student of econ
omics and throwning light upon a sub
iect which has for too long time borne
a beclouded reputation from no oteer
reason than obsoprity.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
CIRCULATING" UTILITY RATES.

Our public utilities commission will learn
some things to its advantage if it will keep an eye
on the performance that Batimore's Consolidated
Gas and Electric Company is putting on. The Mary
land public service commission ordered rates on gas
and electricity reduced. Thereupon the corporation
went at the business of complying. 1t announces a
new schedule which is plain enough so far as con-
Germs gas rates. 1t seems to be compliance
But as to electric rates. nobody except maybe
the man who made the schedule knows what it's all
about. The commission fixed basic rate to which
the various other rates were to be properly related
The corporation has accepted the basic rate, all
right; but there so many conditions and COM
pexties attached to the extension of this basic rate
to various ramGcatons of the business that Balti-
more now thinks of summoning the whole Philadel-
phia bar to attempt an analysis
Its as il law fixed minimum price Per pound
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
AmusementS

National-AN Norn Opera Companv In
The Tales OF Hoffman," Sis D. m.
Columbia-"Lovers' Lane" for the han
eft of the State Equal Suffrage Asso-
citation of the District of Columbia and
Anthony League. Sis p. m.
Polrs-'The Country Boy" 2:15 and SIS
p. III.
Chases-"The Battle Of Gettysburg" !
to II p. m.
Glen Echo-All amusements.
chevy Chase-Concert by section Of Ma
giAN hand and dancinE
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
Discipline.

APT. RAOLD AMUNDSEN. Nor
( ways famous explorer. tells
this story about a National
Guard encampment one sum
mer:
A new volunteer. who had not quite
learned his business, was on sentry duty
one night when a friend brought pie
from the Canteen.
AS he sat on the grass eating pie the
major sauntered up in undress uniform.
The sentry, not recognizing him. did not
salute, and the major stopped and said:
What Is that you have there?'
Pie" said the sentry, good-naturedly.
Apple pie. Have a bite?
The major frowned.
DO you know who l ann" he asked.
No" said the sentry. unless you're
the majors groom.
The major shook his head.
Guess again" he growled.
The barber from the VILLAGE"
No
"Maybe"-here the sentry laughed
maybe you're the major himself"
That's right: l am the major" was
the stern reply"
The sentry scrambled TO his feet.
Good gracious" he exclaimed. Hold
the pie. will you. while present arms!'
-HaJper'S weekly,
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
Out for a Record.

-wO negro roustabouts at New Or
leans were continually Dragging
about their ability as lons-dis-
swimmers. and steamboat man
got up a match. The man who swan
the longer distance was to receive o.
saws the Cincinnati Enquirer. Tne
Alabama Whale Immediately stripped
on the dock. but the Human steam
boa, said he had some business and
would return in few minutes. Inc Inc
Wb,Is swan the river four or nve
times for exercise, and by that time
the Human Steamboat returned. ne
Wore a pair of swimming trunks and
had a sheet iron cook stove strapped
on his back. Tied around his neck
were a dozen packages containing
bread. flour. bacon and other eataoles:
The Whale gazed at his opponent IN
"Whar vo' vittles?" demanded the
Human Steamboat.
Writes 70 WHAT" asked the Whale.
"Don't you ask me fore nothin on
tho vav ovah," warned the Steamboat.
Nah fust stop Is New York an NAH
next stop is London
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
THE OLD AND THE NEW.

(As the New York Sun" ran IL. Sent. A.
1881
WHlSTLER-A boy In Vermont accus-
TONED to working alone. was SO prone 10
whistling. that. as soon as he was by him
self. he unconsciously commenced When
asleep. the muscles Of his mouth chest and
lungs were SO completely concatenated in the
association, he whIstled with astonishing
shrillness. A pale countenance loss OF an.
petite. and almost total prostration O.
strength. convinced his mother Il would end
In death. IL not speedily overcome which was
accomplished by placing him in the society
OF another boy. who had orders to give him
blow as soon as he began to whistle
(As Il would be done today)
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
wASHINGToNIc BRoM1DIoMs

1T must be awful interesting to live
here. Do you see the President oftenr'
i suppose you know SO many Con-
gressmen that you don't take any in
terest in them at ALL"
I haven't been all over yet, but I
think Washington is the most beauti-
full city 1 ever was In"
I'D love to be here all the time. ia
go up to Congress every day."
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

IL you don't mind" solicits A. F. T..
please ask R Lington If the umbrella
ne raised with one hand had the initial
T. on the handle. 1 lost one in the
postoffice last winter" Wen ask him.
A. F.. but IL he says yes we shall
claim IT for our own. Our daybook
shows that We have lost umbrellas
marked with 25 of the 26 letters Of the
alph. And not few duplicates.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
READ THE CROP REPORTS!

As an antidote to the gloom that Wall Street pur-
veys so enthusiastically these days, the crop bulletins
ire commended to the consideration of citizens with
5esire to preserve their equanimity soaking in
Kansas and Oklahoma does more good than can
POSSIBLY be offset by soaking in the tariff
schedules
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
The Main Entrance

6. s. X; Talking OF the P. F.'s,
where does Speaking acquaintance, ,"
from yesterdays T. & T, come in?
SAL-AMMONIAC
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

Granting that you start at the top
OF IN" column and work down." writes
FRIENDLY It's as hard to work down
column as it is to work UP one"
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
CALLOW YOUTH DOES
WHAT DOCTORS CAN'T
Vermont Lad, Who Whistled Difficult
Operas in His Sleep,
Cured by Simple Means.

MONTPELIER. VT. June 6.-Hugh
McCann. MontpelIer's famous whistling
boy. who had been declared incurable
By scores of prominent physicians, has
finally been cured by George Gerhardt,
one OF his playmates.
The McCann case aroused nation
wide interest among medical men. as
the boy was in the habit OF whistling
In his sleep. frequently rendering diff
cult operative arias or wonderful COM
positions of his own. none of which he
could remember when awakened.
The boy was near death from the
strange malady when young Gerhard,
volunteered to cure him. and succeeded
In doing so by hitting him on the chest
when he started to whistle.
Gerhardt Is but fourteen years old and
the son Of a laborer.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

S . q c III %
strons-miSc=d woman, and they do say
that she commands a very large SAL
ary."
How does she earn itr'
She doesn't earn 1t. Her husband
earns earns 1t and so she commands IT,
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

Trailing further the topic of strang-
ers in Washington. there's the man
who thought Anacostia was one of
Griff's Cuban ballplayers.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

In the oil and tobacco dissolution esys
Mr.. McReynolds, there remain pre-
Cipitates.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
Yes; But Not For a Cent Less

.. S. X: II do the lobby act Cwhile
lobbying Is still ON and get you that
$751; will you quit?
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
THE FUTTRIST CIrR

j. NJ. o.; The man who can take 1,
or leave 1t alone"
SLIP: Southern r. r. trains"
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

A wider lobby inquiry" as we view
IT, means also a deeper and a longer
one
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

ne perennial McCombs is reconsider
ing his reconsideration.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
Another Reform ACCOMPLISHED
From this column !

From this column. May 81
Why is it. in this month of bloom
One never hears of the June groom,
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

MOI So 1t works down of its own ac-
cora All We do Is TO wind it up
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
Who's Who and Why.

r<~- HOS that impressive-look-
ing woman over yonderr'
That's Mrs. Peckum.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

Dexterity 1t seems. appeareth In di-
Vers disguises. Limo knows a man who
can tighten that little screw in his eve
glasses by using his flnger-nau
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

from the Times" June 81
All but one or two Of each team are
as nervous as a June brideeroom
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

And let It run DOWN.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

They claim to have found the most
iionest mana New York State tele-
grapher who returned a pencil to
FRANKLIN D. Roosevelt. We take excep-
ton. The most honest man is one who
keeps promise to himself alone. What,
however, is YOUR idea of 100 per cent
in honesty?
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
ODER r.

ODER r.
1858 today.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06
THIS& THAT
TRIOLET TO WEATHER
H'ah Sometimes a LIN. IL. o,b<,

TRIOLET TO WEATHER.
When you are cold / w0nt YOU hot,
And frigid when you're torrid.
! pant you Just the way you're
not
When you are cold l wdnt you hot :;
And weather like the kind we've
got
/ think is simply horrid.
When you are cold I want you hot,
And frigid when you're torrid.
The Washington times., 1913-06-06

tAs It would be done today1
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21
speciality Of Blind Physician.

There is at least one physician In
New York who manages e 80 excel
lent work and maintain himself well
without the use of his eyes He is
totally blind.
He has chosen for his specially dis
eases of the chest, into which Of course
the best eyes In the world couldn't
see. One of the compensations Of ma.
ture has given him unusually acute
hearing, which is especially valuable
In his practice. His ears can find out
more about the lungs of his patients
than those of most seeing men.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21
One Of the Remarkable Cases.

He began after the usual form, to-
wit:
Il have little boy at home Who"
They interrupted him after much
the usual form, to-wit: ~
Pardon me, old man, L must be
going along. Sorry l can't walt, but
I'm due at the Office" ~.
"Just a minute" he urged; button
holing the two nearest. 1T won't take
me minute"
They sighed and resigned taem-
selves.
"All want to say" he went on, "is
that l have little boy at home who
never said a bright thing in his life"
They grasped his hands with
thanhfulness. that could find no ex-
preston in words, and then he added:
Hes too small He can't talk yet"
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21

When his friends have pulled
him out of a scrape to save him
from getting licked, a man acts
ferocious enough to clean up the
whole township.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21

There is no silver lining in the
cloud for the man who gets up
at 4 o'clock in the morning to go
fishing-and comes home after
dark without having had a bite.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21

The fellow looking for a $25
Job often overloolIs the fact that
rs one dollar jobs get the same
results.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21

Common occurrences are said
to attract little attention, but
every new Mexican revolution
gets onto the first page.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21

Everyone believes in home
rule-it's on the question of
rulers that the disagreement
occurs.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21

We often wonder how some
folks get any pleasure ont of
life-and we presume they Won
der the same. thing about us.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21

The greatest cry of hard times.
if you have happened to notice,
is made 10y those above want
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21
The Rev. IrI r Hicks 1914 AL

The Rev. Irl r Hicks 1914 AL
manac.
The Rev. Irl r. Hicks 1914 Al
manac is now ready snd will be mailed
prepaid for only 49,. Professor Hicks
fne Magazine, Word and Works, for
one year, and copy of this Almanac for
only one daIIar. The plain lessons on
astronomy, and the correct forecasts of
storms, drouths, Billiards and tornadoes,
make these publications a necessity in
every home in America Send to Word
and Works Publ shing Co pany
340l Franklin Avenue, St. Louis, Mo.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21

Most folks expects h e ir
friends to do to much for them.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-11-21

This is mighty small world
for the man who is afraid Of
being caught.