davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
HANK, THE HOTEL CLERK
BY GENE MORGAN

Clerk. IF he didn't get the coin,
then the explorers that came after
him and stole his best songs ana
gags got it. Gee, but they were
generous.
After discovering a new continent
they'd take a mere 10000 square
miles for their own share, not TO
mention a few thousand slaves ana
a truckload of gold ingots. But out
of the goodness of their hearts they q
present the rest of the continent 10
the king at home, and throw in a
mountain range and private ocean.
Nowadays the few explorers we
have left amt that generous. An
African explorer put up at this hotel
last week and he didn't even slip me
a pass to his lecture,
But ] don't agree with YOU
Myrtle. that the day of exploring IS
over. OF course, the north and south
poles have been put on the moving
picture circuit But / know the guy
that ought to get the medal for
dangerous exploring. He's the fiat
dweller, who explores the basement
to find the janitor and yell for more
heat.
"And there's the other guy who
explores the advertisements of a
fiction magazine in order to find
some fictioni And the poor simp
who explores for a clean collar when
his wife's in the country"
Women ought to make good ex-
plorers," said Myrtle.
Il bet you could knock out Cap
tain Amundson if you took him ex-
plorjng for shirtwaist bargains,
uuoth Hank the Hotel Clerk.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
incline. but do not compel
The stars incline, but do not compei.
HOROSCOPE.
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 3, 1913.
III luck may he thine
While feeble stars shine.
HOROSCOPE.

Astrologers find this variable DAY
in which it is wise to exercise eau
ton. Mars changes from mildly ad-
verse to an evil aspect, Jupiter veers
from bad to good, while the sun IS
unfriendly Neptune alone SENDS
kindly influences that are steadlast.
There is a warning sign for all VINO
speculate Money is under an III
omen. The seerS declare that wise
men and women will be cautious to-
day in all financial dealings.
Mars exercises malign sway, it IS
held, during the autumn. From many
countries will come rumors of war,
The King of England will face serl-
Gus problems. The monarch most
affected by this planet, however, is
said to be the Emperor of Germany.
The elimination of Mars over Berlin.
with the luminaries rising, is. believed
10. indicate "a critical condition. III
health is predicted for the Kaiser
who will be especially unfortunate In
December.
Neptune's favorable influence. Is in
terpreted as lucky for all who deal IN
paints, oils chemicals and perfumes
The conditions are said totbe favor
able for psychological studies and in
Nestiga tons. 1t is predicted That
scientist will demonstrate startling
re.ation between the occult and tangl-
bic world which Will upset estab-
l;shed theories concerning life.
There is a good rule for writers, es-
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
THE EMOTIONAL "COP"
PLANS BURGLARS FATE

size, and gave him a long lease as the
jarring resident of the jar. After a
few clerks in the Office had uttered
freight engine shrieks and come run
ming from the superintendent office
with their hair in a porcupine pom
padour Mr.. Woods decided that the
snake as guardian of property GER
tainly took the tapioca!
So Woods is planning to increase
the force of snake policemen around
the building. Prominent snakolo-
gists, who raise snakes for the mar
ket and county fair sideshows, ar
planning to train snakes as sentineis,
1t is conceded that if ''crib-crackers'
knew that banks and offices We're
guarded at night by vigilant SER
pents the annual total of robberies
might suffer severe haircut!
Snakes which carry rattles, like the
old-t time watchmen, are said to be
less efficient than cobras, which have
a habit of leaping UP and embrac-
ing a night intruder. not in the spirit
of welcome, but for the purpose OF
putting him within the coils of the
lawi
Another of Mr.. Woods's "emotional
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
From Johnny, the Office Boy

this
does other
mulch he clothes
the
all OF
by the m o
People partly because they
got
of cab
and beleave bby don't sho nobody
a 9TH
and a cab driver
them around IN
Iparka md lon about hours
abou
con6ant that weeks board and odg
dole nd a please two fifty an hour ,u.
LADY, IS your right
that is posted up inside your CAB 49,
town riding around in
cabs
driver well heven knows you have done
best -, ua;.
,ran not -N No. -
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03

cops" is a small coin attached to
hidden electric wire. When Mr.
Burglar finds a two-bit piece lying
it, but pick it up for the purpose of
tipping his chauffeur on the get
away. That is the time when he finds
that crime is a shocking business.
MIR Woods also believes in combat
ing the skeleton key with the skele
ton. one angular skeleton is said to
be worth a squad of private watch
men in discouraging visits by the
dark lantern boys. In fact, the skee-
ton is nearly as good as an
emotional cop" as the lurking snake.
When a burglar finds a million dol
lars lying loose and then confronts
the grin of a skeleton he'll run away
without taking a single bone!
AS an emotional cop" the phono-
graph has a great future Mr. Woods
placed one in his laboratory with a
record ready TO say. Don't take
that" But think how useful the
automatic photograph would be on
every occasion, In department
store the talking machine might be
concealed in a ribbon counter ready
to squawk "Stop Theft And in a
cherry orchard it would make noise
like a bulldog at the approach of
marauding youths!
Best of all for soaring thieves, the
photograph might contain record
of a typical vaudeville quartet, rem
dering Silver THREADS Amung Thuh
Go-old" If burglar set that record
into motion he wouldn't try to escape.
They'd find him in the morning lying
quietly and so natural.'
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
Farewell to thievery.
AbaS. petty larcenNi

=
Abas, petty larceny
For we have the emotional cop.'
But before selling our combination
locks and bars and bolts to the junk
man, let us all hear what the emo
tional cop" is. The emotional cor"
dear reader, is any sort of effective
device for guarding property which,
instead of doing physical harm to the
prowler, scares him out of his wits
and his false whiskers. 1t drives him
away through Earring his emotions!
Don't you see?
Credit for inventing the emotional
cop scheme of protection belongs to
superintendent Eliot Woods, of the
capital building, Washington, d. c.
Mr.. Woods has policemen, secret serv-
ice operatives and soldiers galore at
his beck and call. But he is now put
ting most of his trust in the emo
tionaI cop"
The best sort of e. C. is a snake.
For the first time in history snakes
are on the payroll of Uncle Sam. Mr..
Woods became annoyed by petty bor-
rowings from his tobacco jar. So he
secured small snake, panatella
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
EVENING STAR ASTROLOGER
Copyrighted, 1918.

pecially for poets and novelists. Ro.
nance is said to be awakened by the
vibrations sent from Neptune.
Again sudden deaths among men
high Is official life are predicted. The
stars presage an astonishing record
for the year.
An European astrologer foretells
many surprising results in the No
vember elections. In many States, he
declares, the returns will indicate re-
action of political sentiment.
Persons whose birthdate it is may
find their property in jeopardy before
the end of the year. Men will have
business anxieties. Women should
administer their affairs with especial
caution, lest they suffer severe dis
appointments
Children born on this day will have
little financial acumen. They will
spend money recklessly. Girls will be
extravagant, but otherwise devoid of
serious faults. They may marry for
love, but while they have happy
augury, they may want more money
than they possess. Both boys and
girls will have keen minds. They will
be warm hearted and generous.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03

While strolling through a village
one time, old chap. 1 was introduced
to a hale and hearty centenarian.
After congratulating him on his ex-
cellent- state of preservation, imagine
MY surprise when the elderly chap
addressed me in this wise:
Yes. sir, I'm the oldest jimpson
weed sprouter in this neck of the
tall stubble. ! horned into this dis
trict with an ex-roadster before the
first mother-in-law joke was sprung.
/ was a husky young tad when
George Washington first sported a
Ratchet. l was lodging Injun coif-
fure hunters when Boston was a
bean. Believe me. bob, 1 can do a
century or two standing on my head,
and 365 days lopes past me like a dog
hitched to a tomato wrapper If I
told you my age you'd think l was
yelling the number on my buzz
wagon license
My word,
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
AN OFFER DECLINED

We have received recently from
gentleman in Ely, New, several let
tiers. We are quite positive that he
is a gentleman, and perfect gentle
man at that, because he has offered
to make us rich beyond the dreams
of avarice. Ere now the reader may
have guessed that the gentleman is in
the silver mine business. He says il
we send him our surplus resources he
will. within day or two. make US as
rich as Rockefeller. This seems like
a fair offer. inasmuch as our avail
able resources at the present time
consist of two Confederate 81 bills a
plugged quarter. a brass keyring. two
street car tickets and a tin match
safe. But, still we hesitate to invest
even this insignificant amount. for.
when we consider what wealth has
done to Rockefeller, we are not quite
certain that We want to be rich.
Without fear of being called selfish.
we will state that we prefer to keep
our own hair and an internal organ
ism that can digest such delicacies as
corned beef and cabbage, pork and
beans or Goldfish. Besides, we don't
like to play golf. OF course, silver
mine is a nice thing to. have about
the place, but We feel that we must
decline the gentleman's offer. Wealth
has its drawbacks, and we have all
the drawbacks We need now without
adding another. Furthermore, if there
is so all-fired much money in that
silver mine, we would suggest that
the gentleman buy it himself
We have entered into several get
rieh-quick schemes in our time and
have purchased green goods, silver
plating outfits. magic lanterns, wall
paper cleaners and furniture polish
recipes, but we have never tackled a
silver mine, for there is such a thing
as getting rich too quick. If the pro-
moter will excuse us, We will en-
deavor-t to remain poor and as honest
as possible in the circumstances.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
Where He Obtained knowledge

Il don't see any sense in referring
to the wisdom of Solomon" said the
man. smartly. He had a thousand
wives"
Yes" answered the woman, tartly;
"he learned his wisdom from them. =
Public Ledger.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03

startled by the fiutter of wings as
the whirring knives of his machine
passed over the hidden nest and the
frightened hen pheasant flew to the
cover of a nearby woods. Landers
found that the eggs had not been
harmed, and were almost ready, so
he took them home and put them I'M
or setting hen.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
Elucidated.

Henry. it says here that Mr.. Jack
son pelted the pill for three sacks.
What does it mean"
Good heavens, Mary. can't YOU
understand plain English? 1t means
that he slugged the sphere safe and
landed on the third pillow. Chicago
Record Herald.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
His Preference.

IT do not believe in kissing under
the mistletoe," said Gladys Beautigirl
Neither do l." promptly replied
young Higgins. Right here, wher-
ever it happens TO be. is good enough
for me "-Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
On the Spur Of
the Moment
BY ROY MOULTON.
Written Ezclusival, for Eysnins star.

THE DIARY OF A BoNEHEAD.
Il have a slight package that I
would like to have you take home for
me-" said my next-doqr neighbor
when I met him downtown.
Being of an obliging disposition !
acquiesced and thrust the small pack
age into my coat pocket. I supposed
that my next-door neighbor was
obliged to stay downtown and | was
willing to help him out. Wherever I
went ] noticed that people eyed me
peculiarly and then edged away from
me. Nobody, not even my most init
mate friends, seemed to have any de-
sire to hold a confidential conversa-
ton with me.
/ finally took the car home One
by one the passengers looked at me,
put their handkerchiefs to their noses
and moved away. Soon l had the
rear end of the car TO myself. The
only person who Stayed in the rear
of the car with me was the conductor.
There were some sub rosa remarks
which reached me and l gathered
that / was an undesirable citizen OF
the most undesirable sort.
When I got to our street I was
surprised to find my neighbor out
sprinkling his lawn.
Thanks for bringing home my
little package for me- said he. II
didn't want to bring it myself
knew you had the hay fever and
would never notice it."
Whats in it," ! demanded.
Some fine ripe old limburger
cheese" said he
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03

PITMAN. N. j.. Oct. "a brood
of English pheasant fledgings is
thriving in the barnyard of Harry
Landers. with an old hen for their
foster mother. It is the quickest
brood the experienced hen ever
Matched. for she had been on the eggs
only a day when the strengthening
chicks popped out of their shells.
Landers found the eggs in his grain
field while he was moving. He was
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-03
BY ADELiNE CARRlCk WELLS

Copyright by Newark Daily A dvertser Publishing
go URE thought cyclone had hit the place. declare
~ her hair from her forehead with the ba
mean by stamping into kitchen like pair of vii
The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1913-06-06
Another Candidate For Justice OF The
Peace.

Mr.. James H. Dalton who announces
as candidate for Justice of the Peace
in the Lancaster district is a loyal
democrat and one of Garrard counties
most respected young men. His
entrance into politics comes not as a
personal ambition but at the instance
OF large number of democrats and
business men of the community who
fully cognizant of the Importance of
the office appreciate the fitness of Mr..
Dalton to serve the county in the
capacity of Squire. The new candidate
is one of the counties most capable and
successful business men and he has the
confidence and respect of everybody.
While other worthy and loyal democrats
are seeking the nomination of magistrate
in this district it will be conceded by
all that more suitable and capable
practical business man could not be
found to assist in handling the large
business interest of the county than
James H. Dalton. While he is very
modest and unassuming he is very
popular and his worthy opponents will
soon be convinced that they must
contend with James H. Dalton in the
August Primary.
The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1913-06-06
Song Recital.

Miss Jo-Hord Frank who will sing il
Lancaster June 18th, at Lancaster
Graded School Auditorium, has promise
of a remarkable career.
She graduated in Lexington, KY, re-
ceiving four year certificate in New
York under the noted Charles Norman
Granville, her voice developed into the
rich contralto so rarely acquired, even
by singers of mature years. She sang
in the Marble Collegiate church and
the church of the Disciples and in a
number of private recitals. Her voice
is of rare quality and her appearance
here will be an interesting occasion for
music lovers, and those who are inter-
ested in her for her fathers sake.
Miss Frank was born here and it is a
matter of sentiment with her that she
makes her first professional appearance
in the town of her birth.
Reserved seats on sale at McRoberts
drug store at so cts, general admission
IS cts. children between six and twelve
years of age Is cts.
The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1913-06-06
The Filter Again.

At the regular monthly meeting OF
the City Council on last Monday night
Mr.. j. B. Greer of the Greer Filter
Mfg. Co of Pittsburg Pa, the firm
which had the contract for putting in
the new filter at the water works, made
formal demand that the city pay them
the sum of $1125., which amount he
claimed was the balance due him on the
filter. Mr.. Greer claims that the filter
is complete and is according to the
specifications and his contract with the
city, and that it is fully capable of per,
forming what is demanded of it, that
is, filtering 100, 900 gallons of water in
twenty four hours, ninety nine per cent
pure. The city refused to accede to
his demands and in turn demanded that
the Greer people refund to them the
amount paid them, which is some thing
In excess of 81 200. The city has thor
oughly investigated the filter plant, so
they claim, have had experts to exam
inc it, and as result of that investi-
cation they claim the filter is absolute
ly worthless to them and wholly incap-
able of performing what is claimed for
it. So the matter stands.
The bonds amounting to 1000. for
the improvement of the water plant,
which improvement included an adequate
filtering plant, were voted in August
1911, and when they were voted the
people hoped and fully expected that
they would have.a filtering plant which
would supply them with pure water.
Almost two years has now elapsed and
we are yet without a filter, the heated
season is rapidly approaching, and with
its coming We may expect the water
supply to deterioate considerably in
quality. They have been very patient
thus far, but patience some times
ceases to be virtue, and they are now
clamoring for some kind of a filtering
plant, and their impat ence is not with
out merit. However, the city council
is still endeavoring to install a filter
and we believe they will finally succeed,
but oh! we do wish they would hurry.
The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1913-06-06
The Disease Among The Horses OF Tn
Town And County Rapidly Abating
And Conditions Rapidly Revert
ing To Their Normal State

The prophecy made by the govern.
ment expert that the horse disease
would gradually die out is proving true,
the cases are few and far between and
the malady much less virulent than
when it made its first appearance, and
it is confidently expected that in an
other week we shall have seen the last
of it.
Col. A. D. Leavell. County Live
Stock Inspector, has received instruc-
tons to institute a quaratine in in
stances where it is deemed expedient
and has given rigid instructions as to
the establishment of the quarantine
where found necessary. The instruc-
tions are in part as follows notify
such persons that mules, horses etc
contained on their premises shall not
be removed therefrom or come in con-
tact with other such live stock until
the disease of Catarrhal fever has
ceased to exist among such quaran-
tine stock and their premises shall
have been properly disinfected. Dis
infection should be conducted as fol-
lows:
Remove all dirt, loose litter and
manure from the barn, sheds and
pens, thoroughly sweep rafters, walls,
managers, stalls and all inside surfaces,
then disinfect. preferably with power
spray pump, the entire interior sur
faces of the stable, the grounds sheds
and fences, with per cent solution
of pure carbolic acid or a per cent
solution of cresol. Crude carbolic acid
shall not be used for disinfecting un-
less knowledge is had of its per cent
age strength and then diluted so as to
give the finished disinfectant, an equ-
lvalent of per cent pure carbolic
acid"
Col. Leavell's instructions are not
optional with him and they must be
carried out to the letter where the
disease makes its appearance in
malignant form. 1t would be well for
all persons who have had the disease on
their premises to follow the directions
herein prescribed in regard to disin-
fecting their premises. These instruc-
tions with the prescriptions for disinfect-
ing, came from DIR. A. j. Payne of
Louisville, who is State Live Stock
Inspector, acting under the direction of
the Department of Animal Industry of
the u. S. Government.
The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1913-06-06
Mr.. Dishman In Town.

DIR. =. B. Dishman of Barbousville
was in Lancaster on last Friday. DIR.
Dishman married daughter of DIR.
w. Ross Burnside in Barboursvllle.
He is a formidable applicant for the
Internal Revenue Collectorship for the
eighth district, and should it be deemed
expedient to go out of the district for
a man to fill this Office, we know of no
better man to choose than DR.. Dish
man, both because of his relationship
to one of our former citizens. and be-
cause of the fact that he himself is an
affable courteous gentleman.
The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1913-06-06

The apple trees in this locality are
being attacted by disease which some
call 'twig blight, but for which there
has neither cause or remedy as yet
been suggested. The trouble makes
its self apparent by the deadening of the
limbs and foliage. beginning at the ex-
IRENE ends and working inward, and
while it has as yet apparently failed to
injure the fruit, extreme apprehension
is felt for fear it may cause consider
able damage.