davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19

Nothing to Fight With.
Mason City GlobeGazette: The
Bulgars must have run out Of ammu-
milton. Both the Servian and Bulgar-
ian governments have agreed to accept
Russian arbitration. The car is al
ways ready to allow his neighbors to
get into his peace dove cote.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
The jewelers. Harvest.

The jewelers. Harvest.
Consider now the jeweler;
He's busy all the day. -
The wheels Of commerce fairly whir
While he is making hay.
He trims and tides up his store.
Lets nothing be askew;
With pickle dishes to the fore
And berry spoons on view.
The jeweler emits a tune
The while his stock he shifts;
For this Is gay and jocund June,
The month Of wedding gifts:
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19

Use wide tire wagons for hauling
on the pavements. Don't wait till the
new paving is in. Start doing 1t now.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
An Accomplishment.

"Cholly seems to be popular In so
ciety." 49,.
Eyes: he can yawn with his mouth
shut" ~.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
Chanolno About,

Changing About.
Maude Muller ought to keep the bridge
Awhile, I say;
And let Horatius try turn
At raking hay.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19

street when you are driving.
forget It,
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
Nat For Him.

"why id you break of with tic
wilowf u
"Met a man who knew her first hus
band. Seems she's one OF these danes
who is dissatisfied with everything
she buys and makes her husband 90
the exchanging"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
Civilized Now.

NVVTIVxe0 NOW.
"Ive been out among the Indians.
Feel depressed, too"
How so?"
II hate to see the noble red man
smoking cigarettes"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
Not 4 Bad Plan

Not 4 Bad Plan.
How are the rehersals coming on
for your daughters wedding?"
Going ragged, We're thinking OF
hiring one Of those fellers that stage
the big Broadway musical produc.
tions."
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
CHANGE Of Die

Change Of Diet. !
The hens must tire OF oyster shell
And shredded hay, g..
Why wouldn't sponge cake do as we
TO make them lay? ....
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
Might Work.

Flows things In the city,"
Our policemen are getting too fat
TO catch anybody. The chief is ex.
perimenting with scheme to mount
'em on motor roller skates"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
cWneldMinQ Il.

II popped the question, but my girl
hasn't given me An answer yet"
"Yet she has nobody to consult. She's
an orphan"
II think she has written to family
weekly for advice In the matter"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
Ambiguous,

II see the hotel at this resort ad-
vertises beautiful gorge"
what OF it,"
II wonder II that means ravine
or q lot to eat?"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19

Keep on the right side Of
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19
Evening Story.
WAITING.
BY Donald Allen.

Copyright, 1918, by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate).
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-19

;. Don't
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

They have practically nothing at all to
do. 1t is seldom that they get an audi
ence at the State Department and most
Of the time they sit IN hotel lobbies and
hatch plots with themselves.
Position Is Hazardous.
Diplomacy IN their hands is a slippery
quantity. They have been educated in
the school OF the under dog and taught
by men made weary by long experience
with the leaders of majority parties. A
Junts diplomat must always be on the
lookout for anything. The fact ;Iat he
Is Junta diplomat makes his position
hazardous. As soon as his faction gains
the upper hand, the junta ceases to be;
IN It's place rises an embassy or lega-
uon. An accredited Ambassador treads
safer ground than a juntaman.
Before they tore thte Old Arlington
Hotel down TO make room for a hole in
the ground, these juntamen used N
hang OUT there a great deal You could
wander casually into the lobby and ta[s
chair and be conscious Of hidden N.Y.
teries making all about you. Steppine
into the adjoining bar you could cons
upon them at closer range. All day
nearly, the juntamen used to sit in m.
bar room OF the Old Arlington over their
incantations. A well known press asso-
citation assigned the heaviest drinkers on
It's washington stan to sit in the bar
room and buy drinks for the juntanen
OF one Of the Mexican Juntas, think
the Madero, on the chance Of soma nsv.
leaking? They say many dispatches were
used on what was whispered at the cIoss
OF hard days drinking, at the bar Of
the Old Arlington Hotel.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
Washington Center for Diplo-
mats Representing Mi
nority Parties.
GREAT LOAFNG PLACE
Old Arlington Hotel Was Rendezvous
for Central Americans Who Gather
ed There to Discuss Revolutions.

The secret agent, the spy, the inter
national detective and others Of that
fascinating company of keen-mindet men
and women who dabble in the affairs Of
nations behind closed doors scarcely ever
fail to have compelling allurement for
workaday people into whose daily round
creeps the minimum Of excitement
The clerk who bends from morning un-
til night over musty ledgers speckled
with figures which represent an atom.c
amount of the worlds perpetual sun;
the wtstful-eyed shop-girl whose hands
glisten from the polish Of sliding yards
of fabric; the cramped-fingered typist-
all who do the routine tC=!is whetder
clerical or manual, have a strong incli-
nation toward the freer, more hazardous
life Of the man engaged in some secret
service. For such there is no story more
interesting than that of the pseudo-dip-
lomats, half spies, half ambassadors;
who make up the staffs Of the juntas al
national capital.
Mexicans Gather Here.
Whenever a minority faction In q
troubled nation is strong enough to have
an organization which will provide ways
and means, that faction often takes steps
to attain representation for itself at the
capitals of those nations most interested
in the country involved. Thus Mexico on
our southern border is vexed by the IN
ternecine wrangling Of the party OF VIC
toriano Huerta, the dictator, and venus
tiano Carranza, leader Of the rebels or
Constitutionalists Huerta has not been
recognized by this nation, wherefore he
has no accredited Ambassador here.
Senior Algara de Terreros, acting charge
d. affaires at Washington, holdover
from the Madero administration handles
the routine Mexican business. Had
Huerta been recognized he would have
been represented here by full embassy
staff The Constitutionalists also have
their representatives here. 1t Is
sort of amateur embassy and 1t is called
a junta. The men who constitute the
staff are. of course, strong Supporters OF
Carranza In Mexico. Therefore, should
they return to Mexico under existing
conditions, they would be liable to arrest
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

ing can remove them except inward
applications of dynamite.
The grip germ hates the idea of race
suicide.
discovered shortly after / had
sneezed myself into condition of pale
blue profanity that a newly-married
couple of grip germs had taken no
ton to ouild nest somewhere on the
outskirts of my solar plexus, and two
hours later they had about 233 chill
dren attending the public school of my
medusa oblongsta; and every time
school would let out for recess l
would go up in the air and hit the
ceiling with my Lima.
Before daylight came all these grip
children had graduated from school,
and after tearing down the school
house the whole bunch had married
and had large families of their own,
and all hands were out padding their
canoes on my alimentary canal.
By o'clock that morning there
must have been eighty-fve million grip
germs armed with self-loading revol-
vers all trying to shoot their initials
over the walls of my interior depart
ment.
1t was fercel
When DR.. Leiser arrived on the
scene I was carrying enough concealed
weapons to start something in Mexico.
The good old pill pusher threw his
saws behind the sofa, put his dip net
on the mantelpiece, and took fall out
Of my pulse.
"AhT" he said, after he had noted
that my tongue looked like a curry
comb.
''The same to you, Doc" l said.
"Ah" he said, looking hard at the
wall.
"Say, DocT I whispered, there's
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
CAMPAIGN ON TO MAKE
GENTLEWOMEN SERVANTS
English Woman Says Domestic Service
Should Be Life Work
of Sisters.
me Washington Herald.

Special Cab's to The Washington Herald
London, Nov. 29.-Mrs. Cloudesley Bre-
rotor is leading an educational campaign
to spread what she calls the old-fash-
ioned ideas Of the well-bred English gen.
tlewoman concerning servants.
That the woman leaders OF England
from feudal times on have never believed
they lost caste by understanding kitchen
science is her contention. She believes
most servant troubles are due to the mis-
tress' ignorance. She advocates domestic
service as a career for educated women
II the educated woman was to be the
domestic hand-maiden Of the future, she
said in a speech recently, It must be as
friend and colleague, and not as serf and
dependent She must share in domestic
responsibilities. They wanted to depart
from the snobbish and parochial idea
that to understand housecraft was to
lose caste.
The new type Of servant. the speaker
went on, would certainly not be that
known generally as the lady help" who
was seldom 4 lady and very often not a
help.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
William Burr Gibson, Nephew
of Washington Woman, Is
Inventor of Machine to
Project Ray for Destuc-
ton of Explosives.

Two young inventors. one a native of
Italy, who is working for the British
admiralty; the other a native of Schenec-
tady, N Y, whose efforts have attract
ed the attention of German naval Off
GERS, are experimenting in fields of phe-
nomena to perfect similar mechanicisms,
by which they hope to revolutionize
modern warfare.
Both inventors are seeking to harness
to mans use the invisible light waves OF
the mysterious extremities of the spec
trum, and to intensity these waves upon
combustibles. 1t is expected that the vi
brations of these light waves will cause
molecular friction and disintegration Of
the explosives, and cause them to blow
M. II successful the inventors will
transform powerful coast defenses and
will threaten the further use Of aero
planes and other death-dealing devices
Of modern warfare.
NJ. UIivi, an Italian. believes he has
solved the problem of seeking out and
exploding submarine mines. His expert
ments have won the attention of the
British admiralty and 1t is probable that
IL his invention accomplishes that which
its inventor claims for it, the British
navy will acquire one of the greatest as
sets of up-to-date warfare. Sin1ultane-
Gus with Ulvia's work, William Burr
Gibson. an unassuming inventor of twen-
ty-four. living at 4o4 Brandywine Ave
nue. Schenectady, has delved into the
same phenomena and believes he has de-
yeIoped a machine which will accomplish
the same results.
Mr.. Gibson is a nephew of Mrs. Julia
A. Anderson, of 50a Thirteenth street
northwest. .-
Though Gibson has received no encour-
agement from American naval officers,
he has been in communication with Ger
man naval men who have professed a
great willingness to buy the rights of
the patents ii the machine proves sue
cesgful.
Each inventor has sought patents on
his rnechanisms 1t is not believed the
inventors will infringe on the rights of
each other because of different means
the inventors have discovered Of accom-
plishing similar results. Ulivi has sought
one end of the spectrum in which to
work, while Gibson has chosen the other.
UIivi has interested himself in a close
study of infra-red waves. one Of the al
most innumerable invisible light waves
of one extremity; Gibson's study has
A-~n in the opposite end Of the spectrum
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

tonsilitis, chillblaino-s Group, and in
cipient measles. He insisted that ]
take three grains of quinine, two
grains of asperine, rub the back of my
neck with benzine, soak my ankles in
kerosene, then little phenacetine, and
hot whiskey toddy every half hour
before meals.
If found it hare to take the toddy
he volunteered to run in every half
hour and help me.
Then his wife, Aunt Jessica, blew
in with deduction she called catnip
tea. She brought it all the way from
the Bronx in a thermos bottle, so I
had to drink it or lose a perfectly re-
spectable old aunt.
1t tasted like a linoleum cocktail
weouwl
During the rest of the day every
friend and relative l have in the
world rushed in, suggested a sure
cure, and then rushed out again.
Peaches tried them all on me, and
/ felt like the inside of a medicine
chest
To make matters worse, drank
some dogbery cordial and it chased
the catnip tea all over my concourse.
Then Peaches, being a student of
natural history, insisted that 1 take
some hoarhound, suppose to bite the
dogberry, but it didn't.
Blood will tell, so the hosrhound
joined forces with the dogberry and
chased the catnip up my family tree.
Suffering sntisepticsl everybody with
a different remedy, from snake poison
to soothing syrup-but it cured the
grip.
Now all l have to do is to cure the
medicine.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

There isn't anything you can men
tion, Doc, that haven't got"
"Ah" said tho doctor; then that
settles it"
"Tell me the TRUTH" I groaned.
What is it-bubonic plague?'
"You have something worse-you
have the grip" Doc Lesser whispered
gently. "You see tried hard to men-
ton some symptom which you didn't
have, but you have them all, and the
grip is the only disease in the world
which makes a speciality of having
every symptom known to medical
jurisprudence"
Then the doctor got busy with the
pencil gag and left me enough pre-
scriptions to keep the druggist in
pocket money throughout the winter.
Then my friends and relatives be-
gan to drop in and annoy me with
suggestions.
Pop" Barclay sat by my bedside,
and after l had barked for him two
or three times he decided had in
hammation of the lungs and was in
sistent that / tie a rubber band
around my chest and rub myself with
gasoline
l told Pop I had no desire to be-
come a human automobile, so he got
mad and went home But before he
got mad he drank six bottles of beer
and before he went home he invited
himself back to dinner.
Then Hep Hardy dropped in, and
ten minutes later he had me making
signs for an undertaken.
Hep comes to the bedside of the af-
ficted in the same restful manner that
a buzzsaw associates with a log of
pine.
He insisted upon taking my pulse
and listening to my heart beats, but
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
EEING LIFE WITH JOHN HENRY
CAYl did you ever put on the gog-
. giles and go joy riding with an
aff,eI- Il -. --:sa

CAYl did you ever put on the gog-
~ giles and go joy riding with an
attack of the grip?
1t has all other forms of amuse-
ment hushed to a lullaby-take it
from Uncle Hank.
As bad boy the grip has every
other disease slapped to a sobbing
standstill
It's dollars to pretzels that the grip
germ is the brainiest little bug that
was ever chased by a doctor.
was sitting quietly at home read
ing Maeterlinck on Auction Bridge
when suddenly began to sneeze like
a Russian regiment answering roll call
Friend wife was deep in the mys-
teries of Ibsen's latest achievement,
"The Rise and Fall of the Hobble
Skirt" but she politely acknowledged
my first sneeze with the customary
"Gesundheitl"
Then she trailed along bravely with
her responses for ten or fifteen min
utes, but it was no use-I had more
sneezes in my system than there are
"Gesundheits in the entire German
nation, including principalities, pos
sessions across the sea, and the Musi-
cal Union.
John" she ventured after a time,
you are getting a coldT
I'm not getting it." l shifted; a
have it now."
What a mean, contemplate little
creature grip germ must be. Abso-
lutely without any of the finer in
stincts it sneaks into peoples systems
disguised as an ordinary cold. 1t isn't
on the level like appendicitis or in
fiammatory rheumatism, both of which
are brave and fearless and will walk
right up to you and kick you on the
shins, big as you are.
Nobody ever knows just what make
up the grip germs will put on to break
into the human system, but once they
get foothold in the epiglottis moth
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
u Getting the Grip |.

when he attempted to turn my eye
lids bacl- to see if l had touch of
the glanders every germ IN my body
rose in rebellion and together we
chased Hep out of the room.
The next calamity was Teddy Pear
son, who had an apartment on the
floor above US. Teddy had spent the
previous night at a tango party and
ever since daylight he had been beat
ing home to windward. His cargo had
shifted and the seaway vas rough.
Still clad in the black and white seem
cry, with the silk bean cover some
what mussed, ne groped across the
darkened room and solemnly shook
hands with me.
Then he sat in a chair by the bed
side and began to sing soft lullabies
to hold-over.
Presently he reached out his arm
and made all the gestures that go
with the act of hitting a bell to sum-
mon a waiter.
Receiving no answer to his thirsty
appeal, he arose and said: This is a
heluva club-rottenest service in this
club-s'limit, that's what it is, s'limit!'
Then he hiccoughed his weary way
out of the room and l haven't seen
him since.
An hour later Uncle Louis Miffen-
dale had looked me over and conclud-
ed I had galloping asthma, compressed
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
Shooting Pains, Buzzing in Ears and Tickling in D
aphragm-Now Seeks to Cure the Medicine
By GEORGE v. HOBART
Copyright, 1918.

high-priced like a porterhouse steak
at a summer resort?"
"ExactlyP
DO you feel a spasmodic futterins
in the concertina?"
"Yesp
Have you. a sort of nervous hesi-
tation in your hunger, and does every
thing you eat taste like an impossible
sandwich made by a ghostly baker
from disappearing bread and phantom
ham?"
"KenoI'
Does your nerve center tinkle-tin-
kle like a breakfast bell in kitchen
less boarding house?"
Right againl"
Have you feeling that the germs
have attacked your Adams apple and
that there won't be any core?"
"Yesr
when you look at the wall paper
does your brain do sort of loop-the-
loop and cause you to meld 100 aces
or double pinoshlel"
"Yes, and So kings, too"
DO you feel slight palpitation of
the membrane OF the colorado madura
and is there a confused murmur in
your brain like the sound of a hard
working gas meter"
You've got me sized good and
plenty, Doc!"
do you have insomnia, nightmare,
loss of appetite, chills and fever, and
concealed respiration in the carolina
perfecto?"
That's the idea, Doc"
When you lie on your right side do
you have an impulse to turn over on
your left side, and when you turn
over on your left side do you feel an
impulse to jump out of bed and throw
stones at a Policeman"
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

no use to cut off my leg, because the
germs will hide in my elbow"
DO you feel shooting pains in the
cerebellum near the apex of the COS
mopolitan?" inquired the doctor.
"Surest thing you know" / said.
Have you a buzzing in the ears,
and a confused sound like distant
laughter in the panatella?' he asked.
Its a cinch, Doc" l said.
DO. you feel roaring in the cornu-
copia with a tickling sensation in the
Diaphragm" he asked.
Right again." l whispered.
do the joints feel sore and pinched
like a poolroorn?" he said.
Right"
Does your tongue feel rare and
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

and execution as rebels guilty Of trea-
son, for sssuredly they consider it their
duty to do their utmost to bring con-
fusion to the Huerta regime, as well as
to advance the cause of Carranza.
At present Huerta is the state. 1t can
be gathered that these men really are In
a rather perilous position. This gov
ernment does not recognize them as
having any particular international
standing. The home government of their
country looks upon them as rebels. They
seem to be between the deep sea and a
certain very iminent gentleman, so far
as a rating for citizenship and protection
Is concerned They pay high premiums
III their life insurance policies.
This Constitutionalist tunta Is the most
important one in Washington and is at
tracing some attention because of the
possibility that the United States may
recognize the belligerency Of CarranZa-
This would give the junta an interna-
tional standing as representatives OF a
recognized beIligerent- But there are
other juntas in Washington. representa-
tives of parties of various countries.
istence Of some of them is kept secret.
But the juntaman, that is, the member
of the star OF one of these secret
agencies, has become a type in WASH
ington.
Minorities Are Represented.
On account OF the maternal position
the Monroe doctrine has given the United
States so far as the many Central and
South American nations are concerned,
It Is to Washington, rather than the cap
ital Of any other world power, that the
in ffTrhnla7f a mn ffnns
send their junta. And Central and South
American nations. it is well known. have
a penchant for changing governments
with chameleon-like rapidity.
So there are many secret agents in
who are trying to get the
State Department to grant some conces-
sion or to take some diplomatic action
which win advance the party they rep
resent
The Constitutionalist junta is a rather
serious AFFAIR. Its members represent an
important party. But the men OF some
If the other juntas are often looked
upon In Washington as representing
,himerical ventures. These juntamen
AXE themselves very seriously. They feel
hat the utmost secrecy as to their move
nents must be maintained. Their conf
ience in American policing seems not to
De great, as they appear constantly to
oe on the lookout for attacks from be-
hind.
They keep the very whereabouts OF
heir Offices deep secret As a matter
II fact these juntas are often so poor
hat they cannot afford to rent Offices or
But the juntamen can be
'een about the streets and in hotel lob
lies sometimes. In fact they sometimes
ire called "curbstone diplomatic
II Is easy to realize that such men as
hess make up very picturesque class.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
PENSION AND MEDAL
FOR WIDOW OF HERO
Woman Who Helped Husband Pull
Man from Well Rewarded
by Carnegie.
Special to The Washington Herald.

Edmonton, Alta, Nov. 2s.-Twenty-hvs
dollars a month as pension and a silver
medal have been awarded by the Caynerie
hero fund to the widow OF R. Frederick
Dayton. living at Viking, Alta Dayton
lost his life the latter part of Nav, 1872,
in saving William kirkpatrick, a neigh
boring farmer, from death in a well.
He was lowered into the well with a
rope by his wife. Reaching Kirkpatrick.
who lay forty feet from the surface and
unconscious from the fall Dayton tied
the rope around his waist and had thu
man hauled to the top.
The rope was afterward sent down to
Dayton, but he was overcome by gas be-
fore reaching the surface and fen back
into the well, being killed instantly. This
heroic sacrifice happeneo in an out-of-
the-way place, but in some way the de-
tails reached the hero fund commission,
which made an investigation into the
facts with the foregoing result