The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-02-09

But the honest truth Is that Old Sis had
a tendency to be a trife intlamed In his
language. When that anti-amendment
old war hoss was slightly sku-gee-ed
with about Ave snifters under his Toga,
he would stand fiat footed and give the
dictionary acute lumbago with hectic
profanity, calculated to make the north
pole sizz. During the prohibition canvass
in Rome the health board had to order
the hose turned on him before Rome
ceased to howl. II you fellows want
any more history just apply TO me, for
while / am not the fountain head of his
tory, yet | am the channel through
which 1t flows and flows blame fuently,
at that.
Them there Turks, and Balkans, and
Morte-Niggers Is making history mighty
slow across the water" observed the
Sheriff. Looks to me like a whole lot
OF 'em wants to stay In the Game with
cut putting up any ante, and several OF
the Big Powers bankers to play a bet
without setting at the table. or boarding
the Spondulix. or handling the cards.
Row, you fellows know that when you set
in game with a lot Of outcasts like that
ana don't obsercve no rules, and don't re-
the table in advance that before the
game is over there is sure to be some
ructions, followed by tubs OF blood, right
smart chance IF short hair. and the
ground tore up.
From the way the cards now lay on
the table 1t seems that the Old Turks
the Gobblers, you might say was In favor
OF ceasing to burn powder any longer
and sorter leaning to COMPROMISED but
the Young Turks, the Goslngs, so to
speak, butchared the boss Gobbler and
lit out for more carnage. History is full
of the jaclsassical results that always fol-
lcws from taking the counsel of young
rien in squally times--tt busted the Twelve
tribes of Israel. 1t ruined Napoleon, 1t lost
George the Third the American Colonies
it brought on the war of Secession, it
blowed up the Maine.
1 am not much mashed on Turkey, no.
how. Them sots, as religious play
come before the Public all spraddled out
for Prohibition-and the figures show they
Dbate to a unlawful extent. They howl
against hog products at their prayer
meetings, but they devour Pork to beat
the band in private.
Likewise they are right smartly unani-
nous in their marrying proclivites. fire.
quently wedding the mother-in-law, her
Grand-Mar. three daughters and two hired
girls at one clatter. The women over
there have to keep their faces covered
with thick cotton cloth-suppose 1t Is be-
caEse their features would kill the grass
ANY nation that lines out to oppose
hog killings, liquid refreshments and such
and allows itself to wed a whole female
seminary at one time, don't get my sup
port on any ranikaboo ticket like that
I am abstemious on females-one of 'em
at time is sufficient for any well or
ganizing citizen. annexing more than that
al.r..s L. x-Ix1 -..s s---..
pable prodigality, and for this reason |
don't care dern how soon Turkey is
covered with Greece; which the same |
intends for a joke, but you bone heads
don 't~see II.
Whichever side finally Hicks in that
mix-up don't especially concern us, but
right here under our noses is some history
that we ought to<begin to make quicker
than hades could skin minnow. / refer
to Mexico and them inebriated greaser
sots that's riding over the country and
butchering American men, women and
children. Why, dang me II them
onery mulattos haven't shot across
our border and winged citizens living
peacefully at home in these United States
And nothing happened to them except a
mild polite, pink tea note from the Amer
ican cabinet officer who totes the port
folio. to the Mexican big bugs, coyly inti-
mating that them naughty Mexicans
oughtn't to be so rude and careless with
loaded firearms.''
"A shirt tail full of besotted greasers
steal some guns, likewise O few horses.
borrows red sash, imbibes some red lik-
ker and rides over the country burning
American enterprises. killing United States
citizens, and yelling that they are a rev.
olution. Although there amt enough of
these revolutioners to hold beat meeting
In Winston county, Alabama, yet the al
legged Mexican government isn't able to
put them down and stop their devilment-
at least, that Is the guff the greaser gov
ernment hands back to us And
when that gang begins to raid and plum
der and murder. another new bunch takes
1t up the next day.
"The Jigadier Brindles at Washing
ton, ID. c.. are spending oodles of the
long green to protect American lives
and property in the Philippines, Cuba.
and Porto Rico. while they are look
ing calmly on at a cowpen full of be-
sotted Mexican poems destroy roperty
and lives of our felix's. Just gimme
old Joe Wheelers cavalry regiment or
a thousand rough riders, and I'll go
through that insurgsnt republic like
dose OF salts, from Ell Paso to Vera
Cruz, and when l get through with
them Sunday schools will be riots as