Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-02-01

Professor Swangle made a splendid
talk this afternoon" remarked the land
lady. ''rhe world would be brighter
and better if everybody would take his
doctrines to heart. We are all brothers
and sisters. as he says. and We should
treat each other as SUCH"
II agree with you cordially, my dear
Mrs Jiggers,'' said the star boarder.
There is too much suspicion every
where Society is so demoralized and
civilization has reached such a low ebb
that there is no trust or confidence any
where. If stranger approaches us we
assume at once that he desires to sell
us a gold brick and reach for a shotgun
If beautiful damsel comes up with a
sunny smile the world-weary citizen takes
it for granted that she is book agent
and shins up a lordly sycamore.
II take it, Mrs. Jiggers, that the land
ladies of moral family boarding houses
are largely responsible for this distress
ing condition of affairs. There are tens
of thousands of such landladies and each
one caters to perhaps a dozen boarders.
so it requires no statistician to figure
out that their influence is profound ana
far reaching. BOarders usually look
upon their landladies as superior beings
and are governed by the preceptS and
examples of those charming women. Thus
we see that the influence of boarding
house landlady makes its impress upon
the characters and lives of scores of
boarders in the course Of a few years.
Now what does the average Amer
lean Iandlady do to restore that trust and
confidence whose absence We deplore? L
remember when | first came TO this hash
palace. Mrs. Jiggers. | was still young
man with illusions and ideals with
beautiful faith in human nature. My
innocence
and the seraphic beauty of my face
should have been an index to my char
acter to any eyes. But 1 recall with
some bitterness that you refused to al
lot me a room and seat at the groan-
ing board until 1 had paid in advance.
1t was the rule of the house. you said.
''Of what consequence are rules of the
house, Mrs. Jiggers, when weighed in
the balance against the brotherhood of
man? l remember how shocked / was
when you demanded pay in advance.
Never until then did l fully realize how
sordid a place the world is and how lit
tie use it has for iridescent theories such
as those eXpounded by your Prof. Swan
gle. You come home enthusiastic over
those theories, but il a stranger came
to the door at this moment looking for
a haven of rest, You would insist upon
seeing the color of his money before he
pitiful things. They are Dreams Mrs.
Jiggers. nothing more.
LAS | was coming home this evening |
dropped into my favorite cigar store to
buy a mesh of greens to smoke after
supper. and who should 1 meet but this
same Prof. Swangle. He was buying a
large plug of black chewing tobacco, a
variety that no theorist should consume.
and the cigar dealer introduced me to
him. He seemed fine. intelligent man
and we had some instructive conversa-
ton touching the decadence of literature.
l happened to have with me an excellent
gold watch which / offered to him for
SIP. Had he been sincere, honest man.
anxious to live up to the theories he adj
vances on the lecture platform, he'd have
accepted my assurance that the watch
case was solid gold and that the time
piece was a family heirloom, which / was
offering merely to relieve financial dis
treSS.
He doubted my word in manner UNI
becoming a gentleman. He insisted that
friend in the jewelry business up the
street. He invited me to go with him TO
the jeweler. If that unromantic individ-
ual said the case was gold. he'd pay me
S12 If he said il was brass or other base
metal l should give him the watch.
perience was such preposterous prop
oSition offered me. 1 told him that his
language was an insult and his gray
hairs We're all that saved him from "A
dislocated nose. Whereupon he said that
his gray hairs weren't hurting him any
and he needed exercise and if I'd accom-
pany him To the alley he'd consider it a
pleasure TO haif-sole my head.
This is the sort of man who stands
up before an audience of ladies and la
mentS the fact that suspicion and dis
trust govern our actions in this world,
His very name fills me with Indignation
and disgust. so I'll trouble you for some
OF the JAM