Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1913-01-31

OiN y
our correspondence school is pre-
cared to furnish instruction i'm obituary
poetry writing and will guarantee any
| pupll enough in three lessons to enable
him to secure a good position with
some newspaper or granite monument
concern. We agree to teach you to
rhyme heaven with given" in two
lessons and by the time YOU have
finished the third lesson YOU will be
able to find Il rhyme for Wilson and
Marshall. Young man. what do You
lind I'M your pay envelope? All
graduates are in high salaried posi-
tions-if they have been able to get
them. There is money i'm poetry writ
ing. There must be money in it. be-
cause nobody ever got n "ut of il.
Old Uncle Pete has cashed in his
checkS.
His whiskers froZe To a sharp apex
He Slipped and fell
With II terrified yell
And stabbed himself in the solar pleX.
There Mas an old maid who was never
afraid
To knock all her friends with a will.
The gossip she made MAS her whole
stock in trade
1t WAS all grist hat came to her mill.
She caught cold one day and con-
tracted Il pain
That stopped her from knocking ON
NHIS VeI II sd
She knocked at the gate of ST. Peters
in vain,
And she's probably knocking there
still.
There was a young woman named Lou.
Who wore Il shirtwaist p~eek-a-boo.
She Went out ia the blizzard,
Causht cold i'm her giHzard.
Funefal Wednesday at TWO.
HINTS FOR THE MEM PRESIDENT.
Realizing that President Wilson is
not going To have Very much to do when
he grasps the helm nf the ship of state,
we have taken the liberty of compil-
ing the suggestions that have been
made by our myriad readers for his
guidance. Since he was elected this
pillar of uplift and column of higher
thought has been besieged with sug-
gcstions rs to legislation needed. Some
of them follow:
Make it 4 crime punishable by fine
and Imprisonment To smoke cigarets
in Il telephone booth.
Place a proiibitivc tariff on imported
titles.
Prohibit the transportation of grape
fruit from one state To- another.
Make the manufacture of priclly UNI
derWear Il miSdemeanor
Pass a law providing that every seat
i'm every theater shall he i'm the fifth
row on the aisle.
Ten years and 500 fine for every
man who has his photograph taken
With his. head resting on his hand.
Prohibit the audible chewing of gum
during matinees.
Life Imprisonment for q mar who
fails 10 shovel the snow off his side
walk.
Make it a misdemeanor tn wear red
neckties and yellow shoes AT the same
time.
MY SWEE:THEART.
Her check is like the blushing rose;
He starllke eyes are fair to see.
He swanlike neck and >Grecian nose
Have surely made a hit with me
She has two sllell-like ears so cute.
And hair that's like IA golden sheaf.
When I'm near her. I'm stricken mute
Her beality's quite beyond belief.
She never seems to move an eye
OR make cen one coulettisl, sign
When other men are passing by.
And so ] guess that she's all mine.
She always wears the gladstone smile
Whenever gaze upon her face.
She's of the kind that's we'll worth
while.
! simply marvel at her grace.
| She never talks about her friends
And never says a things that hurts.
She's digniied and nc'er unbends;
She is propriety in skirts.
| She wears the fines, gowns that
Have ever seen. I'll tell YOU that
She is q girl to pattern by
f'rOm suede shoes To picture hat.
That is the Wa, I've often felt.
| But if did I'd b: :, churl.
For ] am sure that she would melt.
loN" that lady. if YOU please,
My heart is won as ne'er before.
But lis a hopeless case. for she's
a MN girl ia q dry goods store.
LEANING AGAINST THE MAIioG-
ANY.
Gee. fellers. i got to pun off a
great stunt when l go home. Every
night my wife makes me say: She
sells sea shells. before she VIII let me
in the house
That's nothing at all. Jones. that's
2 cinch. My wife makes me say the
following: The seas ceaseth and it
Sufficeth us.
What does that meano'' asked a
third.
1T doesn't mean a thing. but it is
some hard to say. believe me. along
about ! u. IN. in the morning"
YOU guys make me sick said the
fourth man. IF YOU had to get off the
lingo that have to you would have
some holler comm. My wife makes me
say Smiths spirit flask split Phillips
sixth sisters squirrels Skull If
spiel it off right 1 get in. and if ! don't
we'll. ! had to sleep in the hammock
on III front porch three nights las:
Week. made the grade the other
three nights. but it was "a secondary
speed. believe me and l had to get
nome early to do it."
a little man who didn't belong to
the PARTY and who stood down by the
cigar lighter n Glove dish. stroked