davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

slight buzzing sound until the man at the
other end presses his button. Then when
the buzzing signal ceases you talk Or
you can stop the buzzing by pressing this
little thing right over here"
The outfit had not been used for a few
months and probably had got all gummed
up. or varicosed or something. Anyway.
when the thing started to buzz it kept
right on buzzing. Nor would 1t quit when
1t was asked to. This Immediately got on
William G.. McAdoo's nerves.
shut it off, somebody he called out.
after it had been buzzing for about a
minute. It's carrying on like con-
founded locust.
And that was the way it sounded. 1t
went like this:
E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e
TIVE or three abIe-bodied persons tried
to shut it off. but it was no so. The
thing kept right on.
And all the while McAdoo was be-
coming more veXed with the contrivance-
II was not that>the buzzing was 50 loud
or that he could not have got used to II.
What upset him was the utter helpless
ness of the situation. The idea Of
jigger sitting there on his desk making a
funny noise that he was powerless to
hush up was simply too much.
The excitement grew. Two or three
stenographers and a pair Of colored mes
sengers were called into consultation
The only way they could effect the
noise at all was by lifting the whole
shooting-match of the desk. But that
would not stop the buZzing. 1t only
changed the key. Instead OF buzzing a
mere "e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-
when the outfit was lifted on the desk, 1t
went:
"E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-
By that time the whole office was al
most frantic. Their utter inability to
cope with the situation completely un-
nerved them, one and all.
McAdoo was shouting orders, messen-
gers were hurrying about and strong
men showed signs OF complete despair.
They got in each others way like mem
bers of volunteer brigade at country
fire. 1t was terrible.
Chief Clerk wilmuth came dashing in
from his Office down the corridor, but he.
too, was unable to meet the crisis. Then
somebody thought to send for the chief
electrician.
He came. and sprung several technical
expressions in explanation Of what was
the matter. but the little dickty kept
right on with its buzzing. Then the cleo
trician. in desperation. chopped some lit
tie wires in two-and then at last all was
over.
Everybody sank back into a heavily up
holstered Alice blue chair or lounge, such
as are found in the Office OF the Secre-
tary of the Treasury, and sighed q pro-
longed: Ug-h-h-h-h-hI
1t had been something awful while 1t
lasted.
And that was the last Of the dictaphone.
1t was yanked up By the roots and re-
moved from the premises early the next
lcOpyrisht. py, b. Ffod @ Kelly Al ashs ~
scrTedl
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22
Lord J[eIvIn's Joke.

Prom the Public Ledger
Though the late Lord Kelvin had his
merry moods, according to an exchange.
he was not very much of a wit. How
ever, he once made a joke that was very
Characteristic in its completeness. While
he was working at his deep-sea sounding
apparatus a brother scientist asked him
the use Of big coil OF piano wire he
was carrying with him.
1T is for sounding" was the reply.
What note?'' asked the questioner.
THE deep c." came the answer.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22
The Age of Presidents.

When Senator Elihu Root delivered
the most profound and perhaps the
ablest address heard in the debate on
the currency bill, and Senator Calm
ger proclaimed him the logical candi-
date of the Republican party for Pres
ident of the United States, it is safe
to say that most people were surprised
TO, learn that Senator Root is sixty
eight years of age. Emphatic comment
was made upon this fact, and it was
argued and in some quarters accepted
that at seventy-two, which would be
Mr.. Roots age when Woodrow Viii
son completes his first term in the
White House, the Senator from New
York would be too old for the Presi-
dency.
Mr.. Root gives the impression Of
force and vigor, mentally and physical
ly To see him stepping briskly
along Pennsylvania avenue, TO hear
him in debate in the Senate, is not to
associate him with any thought of the
allotted three score years and ten.
Some years ago, when Mr.. Root was
Secretary of State, he placed himself
for a period of weeks in the hands OF
a celebrated trainer of the physical
man, and Mr.. Root returned to Wash
ington able, in the words of Mr.. Null
doom, to whip any man in the Cabi-
net" And Mr.. Root looks the part
today, though. of course, the complex
ion OF the Cabinet, politically at least,
has changed.
We are not discussing Mr.. Roots
availability as a Presidential candidate,
except from the single standpoint of
age. We do unhesitatingly assert our
belief, however, that at the age of
seventy-two on next Inauguration day
Elihu Root would not be too old for
the Presidency. And this in face of
the fact that the Oldest President ever
inaugurated was William Henry Harri-
son at sixty-eight Only five Presi-
dents were over sixty at the time of
their Inauguration. But the number of
years man has lived is not a true
measure. There are men worn out
and decrepit at sixty. Plainly the end
of their span of life is in sight. There
are others, like Joe Cannon, youthful,
vigorous in mind and body at seventy
seven. Physicians would predict for
him years of useful life
Surely no rule can be formulated
and applied that man is too old at
seventy to be President. In this rush
ing age, we are too much disposed to
shelve men for no other reason, ap-
parently, than that they have lived too
many years, though their value may
not have been in the least impaired.
Presidential precedent as to age, we
believe, will some day be shattered
If Elihu Root meets the requirements
of his party in other ways his years
ought not to stand in the way of the
taking the first step by
him.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22
Morning Smiles
Bad News.

From HarpeTs Weekly.
Excitement is oftentimes the cause of
queer remarks as well as the cause OF
strange kilograms.
man who had been one of the pas
sengers on a vessel which had been
widely circulated as lost was rescued al
most by a miracle. On arriving at a
place from which he could send a tele-
gram he forwarded the following dis
patch to his partner:
II am saved. Try to break it gently
to my wife,
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22
A Line o Cheer Each Day o
tn Year.
UngIhaI Foem written Tor Tue HeIalu
By JOHN KENDRICK BANGS.
The HOLLY WREATH.

ICop5nght, YJD
The holly wreath's a joyous sight
To cure us of despond.
And 1t Is made exactly right
To let US look beyond
Beyond the scenes Of gladsome mirth
That all about us be,
Into those other scenes OF earth
And opportunity.
The berry's glow amid the green
Speaks of that jeweled day
When love whose like was never seen
Dawned on our mortal way;
And through the spaces garlanded
We look upon Gods poor,
And find the path before US spread
To make His love securel
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

A woman has implicit faith in her hus-
band if she will take his word for it
when he tells her that he has locked the
back door at night.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

The next time the Carabaos have a
meeting they had better let the orchestra
furnish all the music and let the guests
do all the talking.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22
A New Weapon.

From Exchange
The Irishman in France had been chal-
lenged to a duel
"shure." he cried. well fight with
shillalahs"
That won't do" said his second. "As
the challenged party you have the right
to choose the arms. but chivalry de-
mands that you should decide upon a
weapon with which Frenchmen are
familiar"
rs that so, indade," returned the gen.
erous Irishman. Then we'll foight II
out wild guillotines."
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

DR.. Grayson seems to have more in
fiuence with President Wilson than any
body else in the country.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

There is money in eggs. A Connecticut
hen the other day laid an egg with a
nickel in it.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

Senator Brandegee is one of the most
enthusiastic Root-ers the standpatters
have.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

We have noticed that the statesman
who favors good roads is not liable to
go wrong on other things.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

Where there is a will there is generally
a way to break it
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

There is no understanding girls. Saw
one the other day eating angel cake and
cucumber pickles.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

Life is always worth living If you've
got the price.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

1t is neither pleasant nor reassuring to
look over the world at this moment and
note its conditions.
Chickering'S and brewings Of troublous
portent affect more than half the popula-
tion. Japan is suffering from a burden
of taxation imposed by two successful
wars. China is smelling a real witches
brew of trouble in the direction of the
most stupendous transition in govern
ment that the world has even seen. Po-
Ilitcally IL is as though the mighty
Amazon were to be reversed in its run
ming. Whether China will live through 1t
as one nation is open to question. She
has already suffered the departure of
Mongolia, whose departure is not the
end of trouble, but rather the beginning
of something greater, in the alliance of
Russia and Mongolia. Apart altogether,
therefore from China's internal troubles
there is a most awful external struggle
threatening. involving the balance of
power in the Far East, Russian capital
at this very moment pushing a strategic
railroad clear across the Cobb desert to
within 100 miles of Pekin.
More Far East Portents.
Linked up with the unrest Of the
Asiatic races indicated above are two re-
mote regions. whose struggles may in
like world-struggle. These are the
racial clashes in South Africa, where
some Hindoos have met death, and the
barring of Hindoos from British Columbia.
while they continue TO be severely ex-
plotted in the West Indies, half way
around the world from their homes. The
Far Eastern situation, therefore, can be
seen to involve the English in a dreadful
uncertainty also.
France Is In Dread.
Europe is not correctly described as in
ferment. 1t is more akin to a powder
keg with only a short fuse attached and
that sputtering. France has turned over
one government within three weeks, rel
alive to the taxation OF an enlarged ma
tional debt: she has theoretically
strengthened her army one-half by in
creasing the term of service 50 per cent
With population less virile than at pos
sibly any period in her earlier history,
she who 100 years years ago was bringing
all Europe TO its knees, is now actually
in fear of each new days awakening, IL
perchance it should bring on the Euro
pean war.
Germany and Austria.
Germany is suffering depression in
many business lines: and also within the
year burdened her already burdened peo-
pie with greater army budget. The
regions she took from France forty years
ago are giving her trouble.
Austria is weak. The Balkan struggle
stopped her business activities in large
measure. She holds in her own bosom
the never-ending unrest of two peoples
artificially united.
EnEIand's WeakeninE.
The United Kingdom is going through
a disturbing Industrial and social read
justment He would be an unwise man
who would foretell to a year the break
up of the British empire. 1t is coming.
however and soon, measured by a ma
tion's lifetime; for the majority of her
people have been underfed for a genera
tion; the social pension systems she is
taking up indicate inability to find profit
able work for depressed populace; the
swarms of thousands who apply for out
door and indoor relief prove her weak !
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

1t begins to look as IL the snow man
had been left out in the reorganization
of the Weather Bureau.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

Some people are objecting to christen-
ing the new battleship with champagne.
1t does look like waste Of champagne.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

Wonder if President Wilson has tried
hot grape juice for that cold?
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

The doctors who cure obesity just live
of the fat Of the land.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

If a man gets so fat that he can't see
his feet he begins to kick.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22
Right on the Hat.

From the Ladies' Home Journal
THE train struck the man, did it not?'
asked the lawyer Of the engineer at the
trial.
1T did, sir,'' said the engineer.
WAS the man on the track, sir?"
thundered the lawyer.
'On the track?" asked the engineer.
"of course he was. No engineer worthy
of his job would run his train into the
woods after a man, SIR"
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

Knocking the other fellow is a mighty
poor way of boosting your own game.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

All slick men are not polished.
The Washington herald., 1913-12-22

slight buzzing sound until the man at the
other end presses his button. Then when
the buzZng signal ceases you talk Or
you can stop the buzzing by pressing this
little thing right over here"
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
Mr.. Carpenter Tells Order Of
Principles Of True
Brotherhood
400 MEMBERS
HEAR THE SERVICE

The annual memorial services for
members of the l. o. O. F. who Gied
during the year were held in Brandy
wine NJ. E. Church last evening. The
services were attended by more than
four hundred members of the order
Prior to attending the services the
lodgemen assembled at their temple
and the ten lodges and two en- amp
ments formed in line, headed by a
band. They marched to the church,
where special pews we're reserved
for them.
Each member wore a silk badge
and a white carnation. The interior
of the church was decorated with
American flags and l. o. o. F. pen
nants
In the center of the pulpit was the
Odd Fellows emblem of three links
with the initials Of the orders motto
inscribed within the links
The Rev. f. F. Carpenter gave ar
exposition of the theme, The Prin
ciples of True Brotherhood" tx
pounding the motto of the order
Friendship, Love and Truth" IN,
pastor depicted the sure foundation
of a lasting brotherhood The tex
was, And it came 10 pass
that the soul of Jonathan vas knii
with the soul of David, and Jonathal
loved him as his own soul
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
Ills VOTES CAST
AT SCHOOL ELECTION

Inspectors who conducted the city
school election on Saturday. sitting
as a board of canvas today, canvassed
the vote. The official returns do not
differ from those announced else
where in the columns Of this paper
except that Samuel H. Baynard re-
ceived Ills votes instead of 1116
votes.
Twenty-Five women voted on Satur-
day The vote by women in the
wards was as follows Sixth ward,
/; Seventh ward. 8 Ninth ward. 2;
and Twelfth ward, 16.
The new board will fill the vacan-
cies caused by the election of Mr.
Baynard as president from the Ninth
ward and the vacancy from the Eighth
ward as there will not be member
from that ward after July 1. the can
didate having failed to qualify.
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
DISOBEDIENCE
BRINGS SUFFERING

W. NJ. Wisdom, of New York, lee
tured TO a large audience in Pythian
Casle yesterday afternoon on The
Desire of All Nations" The lecturer
who is a Bible student. took as his
text various quotations from the
Bible prophets and spoke OF the pres
ent discomfort and the desire OF the
people for happiness.
We might stop to inquire Why
are things as they are? Why so
much sickness, pain, sorrow and
death? No one can answer; but in
Gods word we find the answer, so
We turn to that word We look in the
book OF Genesis for an answer and
our Creator acknowledges He made
man a perfect being and gave him
reasoning powers. He treats us as
reasoning I-eaturts, saying, Come.
let us reason together Adam being
a perfect creature, God could deal
with him as such. and as a perfect
being he had the power to obey God
in every particular, but because OF
his failure TO obey he brought all
these things upon all mankind"
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
.LESSENINC
EGG BREAKAGE
Department Of Agriculture
Tries to Prevent Scramble
That Means Less to
Producers

To reduce the enormous breakage
OF eggs in transit. which yearly cause
a loss of millions of dollars to pro-
ducers, and raises the price of eggs
for consumers, the United States De-
partment of Agriculture, through its
Bureau of Chemistry, is conducting
extensive experiments to determine
the safest manner of PACKING eggs for
long and short shipment by rail. The
waste from the breakage of eggs, ac-
oording to year book reprint 552: The
Effect of Present Methods of Handling
EGGS on the Industry and Product"
in New York City alone in 1909 was
over 1S7sO4,76s eggs, or over IL IL
million dozen, out Of a total consump-
ton in 1909 of 1276s9,6OO dozens Of
eggs In other words, about per
cent. Of all eggs received in New York
were cracked, and of these a large
number were UNIT for food use. The
egg supply of large cities, and par
ticularly New York. has to come from
a long distance, because, according TO
the thirteenth census, the Middle At
leutic States in 1909 sold only about
11O,O00O00 dozen eggs, or not enough
to supply New York alone If every
egg had been sent to that point For
the Eastern coast cities, the distant
corn districts are practically the sole
source Of supply, because the little
gray hen does not have to scratch so
hard for a living in the corn field
as she does where grain is scarce. In
creasing consumption of eggs adds 70
the distance from which eggs must
come, and makes the safe shipment
of this valuable food product more
and more essential.
The Bureau Of Chemistry regards
/ the investigation of the methods of
preventing breakage as particularly
/ important because the many millions
I OF dozens of eggs now broken in ship
ment naturally tend TO keep the price
Of this valuable food higher than II
there we're no breakage, or breakag5
were materially reduced. The bureau
through the food research laboratory
: IS now engaged in shipping eggs han
died in different ways on long jour
neys to different points in the United
States, and is carefully noting theil
! condition on receipt at their destina-
ticn. Shippers, railroad men, ant
commission men are cooperating
heartily with the Investigators of the
government, through their joint con
ference committee. composed of rep
lresentatives from the National Butter
Ege and Poultry Association, the Traf
fio Managers Association, of Chicago
and the United States Department o
Agriculture The situation is grow
ing very acute because the railroadl
are claiming that their damage losse
are such as to make the carrying o
eggs an Improbable commercial prop
osiuon The shippers and consignee
have large sums of money tied up Il
claims and litigation with the roads
/ II the Department of Agriculture sue
ceeds, as it hopes to do, in devising
successful method of shipping eggs,
will contribute Importantly to tn
poultry industry, in which the littl
gray hen produces food worth half
billion dollars annually.
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
COMEDY AT THH SPRINGS.

Beginning this evening and con-
tinuing each evening with matinees
on Thursday and Saturday, the Larue
and Edwards Stock Company will en-
ter upon its second week in the Park
Theatre at Brandywine Springs. The
production selected for this week 10 a
clever comedy. TOO Many Parents"
Friday of this week will be Chill
dren's Day. and children going TO
the park before noon on that day will
be presented on the cars when they
pay their fare. with tickets emitting
them TO free admission to all the
park amusements. While the time for
giving out the free tickets is limited
they may be used at any time during
the afternoon.
There will be dancing each even
ing as usual in the big pavilion on the
lake.
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
BRING JACOTOTD DACK mis- MEX

State Detective Frank w. Mccoy
who went west last week to bring
back Albert Jacquot, Jr. formerly Of
this city. arrested in Kansas City.
Mo. and wanted here on a charge Of
embezzlement Of IS 600 from the
Charles Warner Company. arrived in
Jefferson city the capital OF Missouri
on Saturday where he had the requisi-
tion papers from Governor Miller
honored by Governor Major Of that
State. Mr.. Mccoy then left for Kan
sas City, arriving there late Saturday
night. He will start home with
Jacquot about the middle Of the week.
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
BISHOP ORTYNsKY ILL.

Noted Greek Prelate, Stricken With
Pneumonia, in a Serious Condition.
Bishop S. Stephen Ortynsky. head Of
the Greek Catholic Churcr in this
country. is in a serious condition at
the st. Basel Catholic Orphanage, near
Chesapeake City, Md The bishops
home is at No sic North Franklin
street, Philadelphia. The headquarters
OF the Greek church are at CT. Mary's
church OF the Immaculate Conception.
Franklin and Brown ST. .hla-
delphia.
Bishop Ortynsky was suddenly
stricken with pneumonia. DR.. L. L.
Bauer and Dr.. Henry Page. of Phila-
delphia, visited the patient last Fri
day He was then in good -ealth.
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
HOUSEHOLD NOTES

Horse radish should always be
grated fresh.
Dry sponge cake may be served smo-
thered in mustard.
II child should ser pepper in its
eyes. bathe them freely with milk.
For thin summer dresses rice water
ia far better than flour starch.
Boiling soda water is one OF the best
disinfectants for kitchen plumbing.
When pen points are stiff and coated
with ink, iab them into a raw potato.
Rice pudding, frozen like ice cream.
is one Of the best Of summer dishes.
Fruit whips and custards are
among the best things ror an invalid's
dessert.
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
ODD FELLOWS HONOR DEAD
THIEVES TRY TO
LOOT CITY STORE

An unsuccessful attempt was made
about 8 o'clock last night 10 rob the
furniture store Of Charles S. Hurlock
at the northeast corner Of Seventh
and Poplar streets The thieves we're
frightened away before they succeed
ed in getting anything.
A. NJ. Burton. OF No. 10 Lombard
street, was the first to detect that the
place had been entered and spread
the alarm. Mr.. Burton was passing
along Lombard street between Sew
enth and Eighth. when he was at
tracted by the strange ac5ions OF
three men in the rear Of the furniture
store.
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
EXCURSION VIA WILSON LINE.

The excursion season for organized
excursions TO this city opened on
Saturday when the Wilson Line
brought here several hundred mem
bers Of Second Presbyterian Sunday
School of Germantown to spend the
day at Brandywine Springs. The next
excursion will come tomorrow when
the line will bring the Church of the
Trinity NJ. E. Church Of Camden also
bound for the Springs On Saturday
thee line will bring the Church Of the
Saviour of Philadelphia to Shellpot
Park. Travel yesterday was unusual
lv heavy and thousands we're brought
to the various parks.
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
FAIR.MINnEn pHYSICIAns

recognize the value of Lydia f. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound and do
not hesitate TO prescribe It. A woman
from ST. Cloud Mimi. says she was
led to take II because she learned
that her doctors daughter had heen
taking II with most excellent results.
This is another link in the long chain
OF evidence 10 prove the Reliability
of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound for women.
Evening journal., 1913-06-16
RECOvERs $500 DIAMOND.

James B. Hasson, who some time
ago lost a valuable diamond ring on
a Peoples Railway line car, received
the gem today AT the time it was
lost. Mr. Hasson communicated with
Richard W Crook. manager Of the
Peoples Railway Company. who con-
Quoted an investigation, but no trace
OF the stone was found at the time.
On Saturday Mr.. Crook received a
clue which lead to the recovery of the
stone The finder had thought il
cheap and had mounted it in a brass
pin.