Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-06-01
BY JAMES HAY. JR

artee like rapid-tiring gun.
"Joe," he said to himself at three o'clock
one morning, what Woodrow and | need
is publicity, friendship at the hands of the
newspaper men. have decided how to
get it.
Then wrapping his garments about him.
he carefully adjusted his right ear to his pill
low and passed away until dawn.
Boys" he said the next morning after he
had been refreshed by his slumbers, Il am
accessible to you always. Any time you
want to see me and ask me what is going on
in Sonora Mexico, or in the prosecution of
corporations, call me. call me, brothers dear
I'm not exactly the Queen of the May; but
| am willing to sing you merry song by day
or by night
Joe practised law for awhile in New Jer-
sey and was later made secretary to the
court in Trenton. After that he worked as
Mr.. Wilson's secretary until that gentleman
took his seat in the enlarged White House.
He did the work, by the way, for Mr.. Wilson
for nothing. Now he is carefully digesting
seven thousand five hundred dollars of the
government payroll and driving the tails off
two fine horses every time he has chance.
He is thirty-three years old, is the young
est man who ever held his present position,
has six children, and laughs like a boy. Be-
fore he came to Washington there were some
who said that he was absentminded. But,
you can take it from us, he was never absent
minded in his life. That fellows all mind.
If it ever got away from him once, there'd
be nothing left of him. As consulter, a
conferer and con artist. he is one OF the
big political minds in Washington.
GEORGE FITCH, the humorous writer,
- had himself elected last summer to the
Illinois Legislature. and IS becoming power
in politics. Illinois members of the national
House of Representatives frequently write
to him for advice as to how to vote. Not
long ago. when he was in Washington, some
body asked him what effect politics would
have on his writings.
ooh, now, suppose, he said whlmsically,
GIL settle down and write some of those
gloomy, reforming essays and papers have
always thought | should like to get out of
my system. You know" he added, give
always had hankering for that sort of
thing; but hitherto the best | did was to
write funny stuff and then pray to Heaven
that my wife would laugh at it when | read
it to her. l tell you that when you can get
your wife to laugh at your stuff it's like
finding rich gold"
TN the afternoon of last Inauguration day
Senator Hoke Smith of Georgia was
strolling up 15th-st. when he was accosted
by man who was evidently visitor at the
capital.
any FRIEND" said the visitor trifle I'M
steadily, 3tell me, do you like fowers9'
The Senator replied that he was extremely
fond of flowers of every kind.
Then said the stranger, "come and see
my rose garden of sharks"
THE discussion in the Democratic cloak
room of the Senate turned one after
noon on the way in which a certain element
of public men pretended to entertain po-
litical principles that in fact did not really
appeal to them.
"Their convictions said Mr.. Bankhead
of Alabama, "are only skin deep
"That reminds me of the nervous patient
who went to hospital, said Senator James.
"He claimed that it made him excessively
nervous to have an ugly woman near him.
Therefore, he gave instructions that his
special nurse should be pretty. When she
arrived she was, evidently, the prize ugliness
of the hospital. Consequently he addressed
his protests to her.
ooh she said soothingly, you know
beauty is only skin deep
"Well, then burst forth the nervous
man, go skin YOURSELF"
MRS. CHAMP CLARK believes in wom-