davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-08-17
ONWOr1En 4b pOLErIc: r.
FINLEY PETEpDUuu

1t there till he grants what yc want yev got him.
No man wants TO be CONTINUOUS martyr on
small scale all his life. An statesmen ar-re always
more sinstive to pain thin ordhinry people.
That's what makes thin statesmen
amt sayin', mind yc that this is In right
theory, but it's tn wan tn ladies v England has
got into their feeble but tenacyous intellecks
An | will say this, they're we'll equipped be ma
ture IF their task With thin it's no longer
Won't ye listen to our prayer, Q stately lords :?
but Give us tn vote or we'll make life burden
to ye. Ivry mornin' some OF conservative MIN
Der " parlynint who thinks that woman has
reached tn highest pint i'll her mintal devopmint
whin she has larned tn herrin bone stitch wakes
up Just In time to put out fire in his clothes
closet that's been set be tn wife iv his BOSOM
He goes down to breakfast to find an imitation
dinnymite bomb cheerfully crackin undhcr tn
table He quenchcs it firm tn taypot an afthcr
dust'l tn imitation prussic acid off tn eggs ates
his breakfast with much relish as he can con
sidhrin' that his toast has been wrapped up be tn
hired girl in pamphlet calm on him to rcnin1-
Der Mrs. Pankhurst an that his II year old
daughter is firm crokay balls at him through tn,
window But it is not till he goes out on tn goluf
coorsc to prepare himsf fr his jooty iv govcrnin
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-08-17

thim TO vote, but how We goin' to stop thin
don know. Nobody knows. FIR thousands iv
years tn greatest narrd minds in tn wurruld
mas been puzzled TO decide what to do with a ladv
WIN she stops bcin lady an acts like gintle-
man at quarthcr to twelve o'clock on Saturdah
night In her own proper sphere she's as gintlc
as lily an often too tired to debate her rights
l'ut whn She steps out iv tn rcfnn innoonce iv
tn kitchen an begins hurn things it is best fr
thoughtful man 10 seek tn sceclusion iv his
lbry al tn corner ~ tn sthrcct an wait till she
-ces hcrsili in tn lookn glass
Ne were all right as long as tn ladies come
TO yc an pleaded f'r vote an begged it as a
favor firm ye. We wnkcd yc'cr eve at yc'er fell
low man an chucklcd to yecrsilf an thin We
turned 10 TN low spoken pettyshncr with tn
White curs an tn little lace cap an ye said:
we wnd be glad TO considhcr yccr prayer but
We nave too much RESPECT fr We to grant it. TIL
rough hnrly-burly iv pollyticls is not sooablc f'r
snch dainty flowers as yc. Go home an cook tn
supper
Nm they wnt But somewav or another they
hecrd ~ gr-rcat truth v pollytika progress
'hat us men has kept secret fr years, which is
mat nanny fearless statesman wu6 rather lend
an ear TO III cry " tn oppressed thin to lump
~ coaI an IN like " that TIL rule ~ pollyticks
+ 10 that IF me or I'll do this to yc an tn
prayer IS not complete without both sections ben
N H. 10 be successful rciormcr we've got first
70 pc nuisance There amt NANNY principals
l''"t statesman wnd 90 to tn stake an be burned
y "ut mere am eer wan that he wuddcn't
give up rather thin be pcstcrcd If We threaten
- s''oo' man onlcss he gives We something he
'ii"S '"Hc chance on yc'cr bein' a bad shot But
!" y 'e'I nm yen put cndcr in his eye an keep
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-08-17

me dear? With all tn pleasure in tn wurruld
Have | liver denied ye anything? Take me
arm an hang on tight. LII conduct We to tn
pollin' place. Wud We like sup iv ice crane
sody to nerve We f'r tn ordecl? Here we ar-rc
at tn pollin' place Officer, step aside. Boys,
throw thin see-gars away. Mulligan where's
ye'er n,anners' Take off yc'er hat bcfure tache
We lesson i'll ctikct be kickin' it off, Casey, a
pencil. Schmidt, some v thin ballots Which
" these dye think yc'd like best, albania? III
hold thin up to tn light f'r yc Yes, that vans
pretty shade Now, if yell come into tn booth
We'll mark tn ballot together Here ye ARE
Mark a cross at tn top " this colyunl No, not
there here lit show We. Give me yecr hand
an ii! guide it. Did amy wan liver tell We We
had little hands? What's ye'er hurry? O. all
right Boys, here's NIabels ballot. BE sure we
give il good place an count it first
Sure, tn bachelors will be tn boys in polly
ticks If tn ladies gets tn votes It's to lis ntilli-
gent reasonable an handsome men that tn dear
things will come an not to crusty OF marrid men,
We've niver took advantage iv Thin with false
promises an led thin firm TIL altar 10 tn wash
tub. Ill have fifty votes TO yeer wan if tn girls
get their rights, an I'll be power in tn ward
don't blame ye lnarrid men f'r not wantin'
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-08-17

but Grace she says. Thin whn he prcsoon,s to
seize her coat sleeve with tn thumb an forefingcr
She shrieks, Bruter an falls to tn pavernint in
faint Tn polisman, lost to all sinse iv pity,
puts snellin' salts to her nose an bruay rubs
her forehead an wrists with cologne. She doesn't
regain consciousness ont she is lifted on tn
shoulders v tn officer an his comrades, whin it
all comes back to her at wanst. Experienced
polisnen, Hnnssy, tell me it's almost impossible
to get an onasy gintlenan to go along with ye
IT he doesn't want to onless yc first take tn pre-
caution iv dhroppin piece iv timber on his head
just back " tn Thin think what it must be
IT modest constabes to convey fretful lady
through tn busy sthrcets iv large city.
Whn they lilly get her to tn polls coort an
tn Judge asks her is she guilty not guilty she
pegs tn ink stand at him. Hc slips undher tn
desk while pronouncin' sintcncc on her an on'y
comes out whn male sympathizcr is brought in
nm he has chanst to relieve his feclin's in
safety Whn tn lady is carrd away to Jail an
her brutal captors has gone to tn hospital to have
their wounds dhrcsscd she refuses to ate amy
thing. This is conduct SO unhccrd v in England
that tn govermint don't know how TO dale with
it. They stock tn cell with sponge cake, picked
lines, curran jelly, ice crane broilctl lobster an
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-08-17

other dant1es supposed to tempt tn female palate
but she wont touch thin. If twas a man that
scorned tn rude but wholesome Jail fare tn jaer
wud say, Thank ye, number nine hundhcrd an
fifty an carry it nome to his family An tn
mex day tn ndomlc spirit wud be wn to ate
his boots. But tn lady spurns it ontil tn prime
ministher says angrily: Very we'll, if ye won't
ate yell have to get out or tn cook will we've
hurt his feelin's tur-rby be refusin his dishes ;
An he sets her free an she goes out an attinds
bankits in her honor on tn doctor tells her it's
time to go ditc again, an she returns to Jail.
This here application v tn feminine arey-
mint Of tantrlm to pollyticks is roonn tn dis
position ~ English statesmen. Wan iv thin can t
go to pariymint f'r little rest without some lady
throws something at him. She breaks into his
home, she turns up at church an inthcrrupts his
prayers, an she aven goes SO far in sacrilege as
to climb out on tn race thrack an Spite tn
chances iv year old that he's backed down
firm twinty to wan to avens. It's tur-rble.
" Hows it goin' to end? Faith, I don't know,
but it's knockn' all the pothry out iv relations
with tn fair sex. There's our frind Hogan.
He's been expellin' pothry about tn ladies Fl SO
nanny years that I have it be heart. They're
this an they're that They're ctarnal JOY an
cverlastin love. Angels don't look like thin, but
ony prctnd to. They're perfection nobly planned,
says he. But whn wan iv thin wonderful
crathers comes up an thries to cash in his adjec-
tives FIR vote he wants to lock her up. It's hard
Fl lady to think he's on tn square. with her
whn he tells her men wud be brutes without her
afther he's ordhcred polisnan to chase her away
firm tn polls.
!" An be tn same token it's not gon' to be aisy
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-08-17
A polisman is STINT to arrest her.

know " no battle in tn wurruld that's 50
onakcl as wan between ralc lady an perhcl<
sintleman II ye win ye lose, an il We. lose We
.ose. Il IS shameful 10 in prime ii.inisther iv
England 70 be slapped he Mrs. Pankhurst. bu, ii
IS akely shameful If him TO slap her. It's hard
70 say whether rs more dsgracciul TO bate w.n
~ these 9iitS lllven Or TO be batcn be her. Tn
'',oahTen 'aay y Jar irm bein tn soft thing that
sne was ~ ill Gays win primitive man coaxcd
mgr 70 % ms blddn With 'h' shin bone ~ an lily
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-08-17

fr a potc to write pothry about sinsi,ive plant
who's sthruggn' f'r vote with her hair in her
eyes He'd find it hard wurruk to compose
Lines to Della Poorin' Molasses Into Letter
Box or On Seem Pansy Set Fire to a Race
Thrack. Dye suppose Askith comm out v his
house an secin' lady hitchcd to his fence with
dog chain wud speak iv her as rosebud set with
little thorns an sweet as English air cud make
her? Ye can bet he wuedcn't No more cud ye
thiak ~ a polisnian his back on tn sidewalk
with suffrage leader dancin' on him quotin' firm
that potc Hogan knows: Here comes the lady!
O, 50 light " footp Or supposn' tn poor copper
was STINT to ladc tn boochous Miss Pankhurst off
to tn rest cure, wud he sigh, as he took out an
accident policy:
Except be by SYLVIA in tn night
There is music in tn nightingale >?
What he wud say wud be- Oncss | be by
SYLVIA in tn night | wuddcn't need 10 carry
night stick 1t wudden't stack up as we'll as
pothry, but ,wud be betther statement iv fact
It's very hard to know what TO do with lady
who refuses to be coocd to, an il looks 10 me as
though tn language " anty-nuptyal pothry was
gon into tn discard f'r awhile II Hogan don't
give these gintlc things vote lie II have 10 change
his adJccives IN avcn if they do get into polly
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-08-17
SEE" said Mr.. Dooley that lady
down in New York says that if we don't

III SEE" said Mr.. Dooley. that lady
down in New York says that if we don't
give thm In vote be tn year nineteen
fifteen they'll do in This country what they're
dom in England
I'D like to be chief ~ polls f'r about five
,riny,s i they thry it, said MIR. Hcnncssy.
"Wiat wud yc do, We big, sthrong man, to tn
little pcts?" Mr. Doolcy asked {" Til last time
sec We in debate with tn family circle it was
not an arSyiriit bu; loot race that We Won
"Id-l'd--l don't know what I'd do, but I'd
do something said Mr. Hennessy.
Spoken like prime ministhcr" said Mr.
Dooloy. il:ust say that yc take broad, states
manly view ~ yc'cr jooty as man, an that
has NANNY prciiints III hsthry Firm tn time
~ Solomon. an befure whiuivcr marrid man
or other PROFESSIONAL diplomat has found hnsilf
in wrange with tn fair thcyse been ony wan
thing he cni do. an that was to wish she was
gintcuan II few minyits so he cud take kick
i; her. But this TRANSPORTATION bein' impossible
in nature dye mind, tn prudent statesman will
grab his hat while there is vet time an take tn
steps TO tn stlreet at wan Jump shown tn
superiority ~ his sex be bansin tn durc aftler
him if possible.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-08-17

ticks its goin to be difficult Fl potc to sing tn
praises iv lady that's got tn job " brilgctendcr
that he cravcd f'r himslf. An will say this
firmly as believe in tn akcquaty " tn sex,
dhraw tn line at putin thin on tn polls foorce"
They haven't done that" Mr. Hennessy
asked i'll frightened whisper.
They have" said Mr.. Dooey Here it is in
black an white: Ten women appinted to til
polls foorce That ought to about end tn day iv
tn troobadoor | do not hesitate to say that
nawthin' cud njooce me to twang me light guitar
undher tn windows iv tn Deerng sthrcet station
Much as am tn slave iv tn sex an greatly as
admire an love thin ALL 'twud sthrain me cor
laty to be asked to set in tn moonlight in til
park with me around polislnan be she
liver SO much lady. An yet who cud resist an
officer in tn circumstances? Who wud refuse 10
go along with lady that had club in her hand
an revolver in her pocket? TIL on'y thing that
wud him wud be she mightn't be able 10
find her pocket. But think iv tn disgrace TO
impeerya man v bcin' dragged to tn pound be
wan ~ these harmless vestals as Hogan wud say.
wud think nawthin' again yc if our frind Officer
Muldoon took ye in-that is, if We put I'D re-
spictable fight But to hear that we'd been
Jagged be Officer Lucy Larkspur wud break me
heart Id niver want to see yecr face again"
Now, look here said Mr.. Hcnncssy; 81
want to know right now whether ycrc fr these
things or not. Where dye stand?"
Well" said Mr.. Dooley, Il used to agree
with Hogan whn he said pollyticks was too
rough f'r women. But afther rcadin' what THEY'VE
done in England I'm afraid to give thin tn vote
because they may be too rough f'r pollyticks."
Copyright: 1919 BY Finley Peter Dunne1
The Arvada enterprise., 1913-05-29
WASHINGTON.

Members of the Madero family and
erce in Washington to plan an upris-
ing in Mexico against the present rul-
cr. General Huerta.
The so-called patent monopoly"
by retailers on all patented articles on
the market was destroyed by decision
of the Supreme Court OF the United
States.
President Wilson sent to the Senate
the following nominations: Appraiser
OF merchandise in the district of Port
land, Ore. George Z. Welter. Collect
or of internal revenue for the district
of Montana, William C. Whaley.
President Wilson stirred congress
sicnal circles with an emphatic state
nent denouncing the industrious"
and "insidous" lobby in Washington,
attempting to create public sentiment
against certain features of the Under.
wood tariff bill.
Denver is compelled neither to pur-
chase the plant of the Denver Union
Water Company nor to renew the fran
chise issued to that company in 1890
Tor n term of twenty years, under
decision handed down by the United
States Supreme Court.
More than 10000 farmers on reclaim
alton projects OF the West will be af-
fected by the Supreme Courts decis-
ion that they must pay to the govern
ment the cost of maintaining and OPP
Grating the various reclamation pro-
jects pending their completion.
Praise OF Secretary Bryan for the
courage of his convictions" in refusing
TO serve wine at dinner he gave re-
Gently to the diplomatic corps was
giyen by Secretary Daniels In address
ing n Sunday school rally for prohibit
tion in the District OF Columbia.
Governor Ammons, with Senator
shafrfoth and Representatives Keat-
ing and Taylor, called upon Secretary
ane and urged that the rules of the
Interior Department be simpllfied so
that the progress Of land matters be-
fore the department might be expe-
dited
The Arvada enterprise., 1913-05-29

Emperor Yoshihito is better, but the
Empress Sadako has fallen i'll from a
cold contracted during her long vigil
at her husbands bedside.
Princess Victoria Luise of Prussia,
only daughter of the German Emperor,
was married to Prince Ernest August
c. Cumberland with the rites of the
Lutheran chcurch at Berlin.
Prominent Japanese at dinner at
Toxic urged calm and patient efforts
for a friendly solution of the difficulty
between Japan and the United States.
especially suppressing inflammatory
and misleading utterances. 1t was ad-
mitted that the United States was con!
fronted with a difficult problem.
That Mexican rebels have made
great gains in the last few weeks ad-
mits of no doubt, and both Zapata
and Carranza have declared their in.
tention of taking the capital at the
opportune moment. Zapata has placed
an army of possibly 5000 well armed
men at the gates OF Cuernavaca.
The Arvada enterprise., 1913-05-29
GEN ERAL.

At the age of 106, Mrs. Ann Ponder
CT Baltimore said she was tired of life
and hoped death would come before
her next birthday.
Carrying her enmity toward her
brother with her to the grave, Mrs.
Jane Fortesque, known as the wealth.
est woman in southern New Jersey,
has left the bulk of her estate of ST.
CG0,000 to her secretary, Almond T.
Nichols.
For what is supposed to be the first
time in the history of the Supreme
Court in New York state, woman
opened court at Watertown. Miss
Bertha Mcdonnell, deputy county
Clerk OF Jefferson county, had the
honor.
Mary Perry, forty seven years old,
II riofessional fat woman exhibtins
al a Chicago amusement park sud
denly became i'll from blood rosonin-
end was taken to the county hospital
after series of obstacles had been
oN Nercome. She weighed 600 pounds.
Former President William H. Taft
in his concluding lecture at Yale, on
Some Questions of Modern Govern
ment," declared the United States was
"ludicrously unprepared for war" and
criticized Congress for failure to pro-
vide for an adequate army and navy.
Jacob Dunn and Seeley Davenport.
the Wharton. n. j.. woodchoppers,
who sent threatening letters to Presi-
dent Wilson before he assumed Of
lice, We're sentenced to Trenton state
prison; Dunn for five years and Dav-
export for two.
War is on between Albert l.. Din
gee, a well-to,dO farmer, of Lloyd, Ul-
ster county, n. Y, and band of
''white-caps" who have threatened
him with various forms of punish
ment because he has seen fit to call
at the home of Poughkeepsie
widow
A heroic bronze statue OF the late
Rev. DR.. Edward Everett Hale was
unveiled at Boston by the Unitarium
Association. William Howard Taft and
former governor John d. Long made
addresses.
Frederick f. AtteauN, co-defendant
with President William NJ. Wood OF
the American Woolen Company, of
Boston, in the dynamite conspiracy
trial. hired John J. Breen, a Law.
renee undertaken, to plant" explo-
sives in buildings occupied by the
striking textile operatives. according
to Breen, who testified for the state.
The Arvada enterprise., 1913-05-29
w ES ERN.

With 200 delegates in attendance,
the Independent order of B'nai Birth
opened its sixty-first annual conven-
ton at Kansas City.
Dayton. o., has set a new pace in
civic achievement by raising $4,000
600 in three days for the purpose of
making the city safe from future
floods.
Miss September Morn" has met her
Waterloo. Art dealers all over Chi
windows and with her went all her
cnntily-draped sisters.
Relief measures and preparations
for investigating and placing the
blame for the Long Beach pier disas
ter in which thirty-seven lives were
lost and about 200 persons were in
Iured. occupied the time of city Off
cials of Los Angeles and Long Beach.
The ashes of the late Joaquin Mil
Ter, Poet of the Sierras." were scat.
cred among the flames of a funeral
pyre that had been built by the poets
own hands The ceremony was held
at the Miller home, The Heights, stu
ated in the picturesque hills near Oak
lard, Calf.
The suit of Mrs. Ellen Dalton Plum.
mer to recover title to property at
Arcadia valued at s2,GOO,O0O a part of
the estate OF the late Il. ]. CLucky'D
Baldwin, was decided in favor OF the
famous turfman's heirs by Judge
Charles Wellborn OF the Superior
Court at Los Angeles
Thirty.six persons were killed and
200 injured. some of them seriously,
when the Long Reach auditorium col.
l6psed. carrying the crowd that was
waiting for the doors to open for the
Empire Day" celebration down to
death and disaster. Fully 800 persons
went down in the crash and fell forty
feet to the sand Most OF the dead
and injured were women.
The Arvada enterprise., 1913-05-29
Minor Mention.

w. !. Rosebaugh, reported injured
in the Long Beach tragedy, is one OF
the most prominent citizens of Love
land.
Members of the Order of Knight OF
Columbus from all parts Of the state
attended the annual convention at
Pueblo.
S. r. Smith, a wealthy resident of
the Sheridan Lake district, died at 4
Lamar hospital following an auto ac-
cident.
Karl Kroskob, two, son of Mr.. and
Mrs. John A. Kroskob living four
miles north of Iona, was drowned in
three-foot irrigation ditch.
Before his terrified wife, William G.
Itiess, a teamster, was instantly
killed by lightning on his homestead
near Strassburg, Arapahoe county.
Gasoline fumes nearly caused the
death of Mrs. E. J. Davis, ST., who
lives on farm near La Sale. Only
the timely arrival of neighbor saved
her life.
Mrs. William Ingram of Grand juno
tion is suffering with a broken nose
sustained while feeding her pet COW.
The COW tossed her head at fly and
struck Mrs. Ingram on the nose.
Miss Lille NJ. Holme of Denver was
one of those killed in the collapse OF
the municipal auditorium and pier at
Long Beach, Cal, where thirty-siX per-
sons, mostly women lost their lives.
Fire of unknown origin destroyed
the bunkhouse at the reclamation ser
vice camp at Cameo, where a tunnel
is being driven as a part of the High
Line canal system. Loss $1,000; none
injured.
More than GOO attended services in
honor of memorial Sunday, held by
the G. A. r. and w. R. C. organiza-
tions at Greeley. The Rev. John w.
S. Findley, pastor of the Presbyterian
church, delivered the sermon.
An irrigation district to be known
as the Steamboat Springs has been
formed by party of Denver men who
propose to irrigate 1900 acres of land
in Routt county and lying on both
sides of the Denver G. Salt Lake rail
road.
The new members of the Grand
Junction school board plan the install
lation of a millinery department in
the high school course so that co-eds
may learn to make their own hats to
go with the dresses which they are al
ready learning to make in the domes-
tic science department.
Wandering about the mountains
valleys and plains for three weeks,
without protection from storms and
without food, Mrs. Mary Hall, fifty,
The Arvada enterprise., 1913-05-29
SPORT.
STANDING OF WESTERN LEAGUE.

The members of the English polo
team have made a favorable impress
sion on the experts who have wit
ressed the practice games on the Pip
ing Rock Club grounds at New York.
Rudolfo, a four,year-old colt, well.
ridden by Jockey LOTUS, win the
Kentucky handicap. the richest Ameri.
can turf event, at Douglas park at
Louisville and set a new track record
OF 2:O5 i.5 for the mile and a quarter.
one worlds collegiate record was
tied, six conference records were
broken and three conference records
were tied at Boulder, Colo, in the
Rocky Mountain faculty conference
track and field meet.
Miss Mary F. Glass of vincennes.
Ind, broke the worlds record in the
rroad jump at the annual Yield day
events OF the National Park seminary
at Washington, making 2l feet iOla
inches, and beating the previous rec.
ord held by Bryn Mawr College girl
b. ~ inches.
The Arvada enterprise., 1913-05-29
SIGN PEACE PACT AT ONCE.
Attitude OF Greece and Servla Arouses
Ire Of Sir Edward Grey.

London.-The growing displeasure
in diplomatic circles of the great pow
ers at the attitude of Greece and
Seryia found expression in what prac-
ucally amounts to an ultimatum.
which Sir Edward Grey, the British
secretary for foreign affairs, deliv-
erd to the delegates OF belligorents.
The communication, which was
oouched in strong phrases. made 1t
clear that enough time had been spent
in futile discussions Of the peace set
ement and that the moment had ar.
rived for signing the draft treaty.
Despite assertions to the contrary,
the ambassadors from the first were
ayerse TO any modification Of the
draft. not because Of the character OF
the proposed changes so much as be-
cause OF the delay.
The Arvada enterprise., 1913-05-29
COLORADO STATE NEWS

year-old daughter of Henry Behrman,
saved her fathers life when he had
ben knocked down and was being
gored by an angry bull in the corral
of his ranch few miles from the
city. The girl pounded the infuriated
animal over the head and resisted its
charges until her father was able to
crawl from the inclosure, then she
made her own escape and carried her
injured parent to the house, where he
will be confined to his bed for several
weeks.