New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-07-18
AS | WAS SAYING

So far it has been a purely academic chatter
souall Does any seriously believe that inc
Department of State is embarrassed by the raNlhss
of its present rccumbent? quite the contrary!
These arc troublous times you know-friction with
Japan. chickering's with England, worries over Mex
ico-and such a comfort it is when Mr.. Bryan
takes the wings Of the morning and goes Mapping
away after ducats.
But even purely academic chatter squall has its
value Think of the blow To our desperate Attorney
General, Just when the title Of Wilson'S Bal
Iinger' seemed within his grasp mp bobbcd ths ne"
and yirtuous competitor II is a magnificent con-
test and may the best win Wings OF the
morning to-day; wings of the stage tomorrow.
II appears however. that the chatter squat re-
lates mainly TO work and wages, and this IS serious
for very possibly next Secretary Of state viii DE
a'quiet harmless soul whom can safely allow at
large in Washington, and then we shall want SOM
tangible return for the S12ow. We would like 1t
settled that Secretaries Of state should chuck the
wings Of the morning and not go Tapping away AFTER
Gucats. BE calm There IS precedent.
Down Cuttyhunk way" you will see a lonesome
iightship topping the eternal ground swell of
Mods Rip. and the story goes that. once uIpn
time the chaps aboard the lighship took TO making
baskets as there nothing else TO do and found
they could sell them ashore. Then arose their
Uncle Samuel Drop it, Quit said he. NO
outside money making in the government service"
"Commoner' please copy
Mammoth babies" the advertisement begins, so
we read no further. Keep them little, brethren!
Even the ordinary two-footer can reach more mple-
ments Of suicide in five minutes than you ever be-
rcved there in the whole world.
We hear that the Low Church organ has lost its
editor but are not discouraged. for We have seen
a High Church organ in worse fix by far. Lost
its pipes only the front pipes, to be sure, and only
temporarily, the dear chcrubs OF the choir, who
took them out. were careful TO put them back-n re-
verse order You know the rest. Shades OF Wag-
rer. what harmonic surprises the following sun
day!
We see by the papers that an Australian auto
mobile salesman. lately arrived here, has studied
handling the boomerang. Nothing like vocational
training to prepare Il man for his life work.
How We have piied the poor artist who spends
years and years in life class abroad learning 10
draw the figure and then comes home to draw dry
goods for Puritans Joyfuy observe that his
sorrows good ended open rs
magazine for August at page --. and you viii per
ceive that thanks to the present fashions artist
can give free rein to all the noble ndeccncy of his
nature.
Some years ago sydney Smith amused himself by
Systematically and successfully to the study Of
Wit he might TO the study Of mathematics, and
would answer for it that by giving up only six
hours day to being witty, he should come ON pro-
dgiously before midsummer, that his friends
should hardly know him again
Reprnting this Life" tops IT with caption "Justi
flying the Professional IIumorist" high old justi
dcation, when your friends all cut you.
THE reason Truth is stranger than Fiction
chirps Brother Bangs, us that with many people it
is so infrequent" Guess there's another though.
Fiction is fixed to swallow. Truth isn't Expert
ment: (,
Now that circumstances have paved the way and
made the occurrence seem probable. call up a
stranger the telephone; say, Hello! This is Mr.
Wolf OF wall Street" and await results
"Who will marry Mary" cries the cover OF The
Ladies World" and predict quite scramble,
mainly by the correspondence method, for a sweet
young thing is Mary. Such profile! Such eyes!
Such curls
We are reminded however. that the method is said
10 be dangerous There good Sas Green back
yonder In the country Corresponded All winter; when
she said she would have him. sent $50 To pay her
way from Chicago told everybody he knew. and
drove the Junction where he boarded every train
day and night, and kept up the search from Monday
til Thursday; but the lady that he onged for never
came. Since then Siias has been lonesome bui
famous.
AS for the other risk old Squire Derby used to as
sure there "a slick way aout by gum! When
you git tired writing them fool letters ask her If
she don't want your picture That's the idec, Send
the picture o some black man" II. l.. H.