The Washington herald., 1913-03-14
srATEsMEN-REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED c. KELLY.

| Never in all his life has Representative
"Dick" Austin, of the Knoxville. Tenn,
district. cast his vote against an appro-
priation bill He takes great pride in
the fact that he has never opposed so
much as a single item in any bill pro-
viding for the expenditure of govern
ment money. Austin is unqualifiedly out
Of sympathy with any so-called econon-
ical administration. What he wants to
do is get all the money in circulation
that he can. That being the case, he
does not feel like quibbling over the
mere question of what the money is to
be spent for Just so Ii is spent, Aus
tin doesn't care.
Just the other day, Watchdog Fitz-
gerald, of the Appropriations Commit
tee. was upbraiding Austin FOR his ex-
travagance. pointing out that with a
reduced tariff there may not be enough.
money coming in to offset that going
out.
Austin he asked sternly. do you
know how much this country raised
from various sources last year,
mo, l really haven't the remotest
idea replied Austin: 1--WE been SO busy
trdying to get the stuff spent that have
had no time to bother with such de-
tails as the amount coming in
The next day Austin walked over to
Fitzgerald and inquired solemnly IL he
could find out just how much money
there is in the vaults of the United
States Treasury. Il want to know the
exact amount" he said. down to the
penny"
What's up, now2' asked Fitzgerald.
"oh. nothing said Austin, 'only IL l
Just knew how much there was there /
might he able to think up some scheme
to get ii all srent."
One afternoon an economical member
of Congress suggested to Jim Mann that
IL might be a good idea to have all the
money saved from appropriation bills
put into a surplus from which the mem
bera could take what they needed for
worthy purposes. in alphabetic order.
No; that would never do" said Mann.
That fellow Austin's name comes up
toward the top. and after he got to tn.
fund there would be nothing left
Next to spending public money Austin's
greatest hobby is strife. Anything in the
way of an argument or a night makes
him all a-purr with JOY There is moth
ing blustery or pugnacious about Austin's
manner. either. In fact. he is calm and
his eyes twinkle quietly all the time he is
stirring up a fight. but that calm simply
enables him 10 invent more different ways
Several years ago Mrs. Austin asked a
Representative, a friend of Dicks, if he
couldn't get her husband appointed to
some foreign post where he would be en-
tirely out of politics
''Oh, gracious no, 7 couldn't think ot
doing that" replied the Representative.
IF your husband were sent to some Euro
pean capital he would bring about war
between that country and ours inside OF
q month"
Austin did get job. however. as United
States consul to Glasgow. The day after
he sailed two friends OF his got 10 talk
ing. said one:
old Dick Hustin's out on the ocean.
I'd just like To know what he's doing
Well I can tell you what he's doing
said the other one. Il know what he's
doing just . well as if I were right there
with him. He's trying TO get his boat into
a fight with a whale"
President Taft sent for Austin one day
to ask him TO vote in favor Of holding
the Panama Canal celebration at san
Francisco instead Of at New Orleans.
You'll have to give me some good
reason for voting that way" said Aus
tin. Il come from a Southern district,
md my people can go to New Orleans
fare would be to Frisco
We'll. have most excellent reason"
said the President And he went on to
explain that if the exposition were given
To- Frisco. the California Legislature
would he induced to be more pleasant in
its attitude toward the japanese and in
that way We could avoid a japanese
war.
Then. II that's what it means-avoid-
ing war" said Austin. Il can't vote
for il. You know. my people down in
those Tennessee hills just love to fight.
II ! did anything to avoid a fight,
wouldn't dare go back home
on another occasion Taft sent for Aus
tin. and asked him if he couldn't see HIS
way clear to vote for a certain measure
thea about TO come up in the House.
Are YOU really very intent about get
ting it passed?'' asked Austin, CTaveIy.
Yes: extremely So"
You believe in the biil?"
From the bottom of my heart"
"Tf that's the case. then went on
Austin. you must be mighty anxious
for my vote. If / vote for it, what will
you do for me in return? You see. I'm
a great trader. All the people down my
way are shrewd traders. Why. one of the
sharpest Jews in New York came down
there one time to settle, and at the end
Of two weeks he spent his last cent 30
wire home to New York for money to
get him out OF town"
Copyright. 1915, by Fred c. Kelly. All riEhts
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