davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25

air in for a session of plain and fansy trust
busting that is going to make all these
holding companies inturlocking direc-
turies, and voting trusts run round in
sirele and pick things out Of the air. Men
ny peepul believe and with good grounds,
that the trusts air the principle reesuns for
the fact that an ordinery peece Of beef-stake
Is becummlng as unattainabull to the COM
mum peepul as oughtomobies or appende-
seetus. Until they air conyinsed uther wise
they air going to continew to believe that
the trusts air the gratest contributors to
the high cost of living, and the expensive
methods of dying also. All we have got to
say is that we have the rite man to dig into
these things and if the trusts air RESPONSE
bull he is going to the very bottom of the
condlslons and when he gets through,
which will not be rite away, for it is sum
job, there ant going to be emmy trusts at
large exsept the mitey good ones
The Atturney Genneril is not going TO
go into holesale slashing at bizness lust
becawse it is ''big bzness.' - This is a big
country and necessarily has big bizness.
All big bizness is not bad and all small biz
ness is not on the level eether Just be-
o""oo coheelH IL Dig is not pflfna faSla
evvldense that it is crooked, and Just be-
caWse 1t is little does not give it a isense
to ''cut loose" We have an atturney gem
nerll now who will take his time, and when
he moves sumthing will happen Those
who transgress the law may prepare to fase
fedderel Judge and get reddy for swift
kick IN there dividend department, for it
is sertainly on its way to 'em.
just keep your eye on James c.. He's
all rite Besides that look how he started
out. He appointed f. X. Campbell Chief
Justice of the Court of Claims. Take it frum
me the new Atturney Genneril is the rite
number Yours troolv,
BILL VINES.
Washington d. c.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25

idiotic styles because they produce ef-
fccts that please the men, SO it's up to
the men to show em where they are
wrong
Then the family friend inquired where
the colonel would start on the reform
movement, and the colonel replied that
he would start at the shoes and reform
EN- all the way up to the false curls
sewed in their motor bonnets by jimmy,
The shoes should have flat heels, the
long corsets should be abandoned the
skirts should be wide enough to walk in
or to side step car, or a COW as the
case might be, and by jinks, every woman
should wear a petticoat!
But how are the men going to do all
that?" curously inquired the family
friend, who was having good time in
his quiet way.
He loved to draw the colonel out.
How? Easy enough asserted the
colonel. There's not man living who
hasn't some women folks belonging to
him.
Ii he hasn't got a wife, he's got
sister, or a daughter or sweetheart.
NOW, If every man put his foot down
in his own family, and required his
own women folks to dress with de-
cent. common sense, you wouldn't see
so many walking X-ray, pictures; you
row they have to be split, and by
George, you wouldn't see so many
dresses on the street, decollete enough
for a ball room. But the trouble
about 1t is just this: Too many darn
fool men are afraid of their wives and
daughters, and sisters. They are so
afraid of a scold, they don't dare to
assert themselves Why, | know plenty
of fellows that stay down town all
Sunday morning to keep their wives
from making EN- go to church; | knoWf
fellows scared TO let their wives know
If they lose 10-spot on a ball game;
and | know man who wears neckties
his aunt buys for him, sompy because
he doesn't dare to give 'em away, Now,
how would a fellow like that go about
telling his aunt she must leave off cor
sets and high heels?
That's the entire root of the trouble
Too many men are scared of their woa.-
en- folks. Afraid 20 say they don't want
to do a thing If their wife wants them to.
by Jinks, If was that kind of a fool
coward, I'd take poisen
When men get over this idiocy of be
ing afraid of their wives, then maybe
therell be some hope Of"
The colonel broke off abruptly. gazed
down the street a feeting second and
then stoht headlonS around the nearest
corner. dragging the family friend afser
him, and taking refuge in the friendly
shelter of a stairway.
"Phew," he gasped excitedly. That
was narrow shave, Did you see that
woman in dark blue dress coming down
the street? That was my WIFE
IL she'd seen me she would have marched
me off 10 church with her, by golly'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25
By KARL KAF'FER

he likes decency and modesty in women.
He expects it of 'em. We expect EN- to
set us good examples. That's one of the
principal things they are made for! !.
OF course we can't be following those ex-
amples, but we want 'em set, Just the
same.
And a fellow may laugh and be amused
when he sees women he cares nothing
about going around with just half enough
clothes on, but by Jinks lie doesn't want
his own women folks or any woman he
cares for to walk down the street look
ing like an X-ray photograph
The colonel stopped for lack of breath,
not because he had said all he could say
on the subject.
Il see,'' said the family friend, you
are strong for petticoats.
I'm violent for EN-. by Jiminy!" as
sured the colonel, then resaining his u.s.
ual good humor, he continued, with a
twinkle in his eye: Say, you accused me
of profanity a minute ago, but il wasn't
profanity, it was heart felt. L might
say to you that Zeke said to me once
a good many years ago,
Zeke was an heirloom of ante-bellum
days. He had belonged to the colonel
before 65.
WELL" continued the colonel, sit
was in the days when Birmingham
wasn't as big and as noisy as she is
now, but it seemed a pretty big place
to Zeke. You see. he'd lived on the
farm the most of his life; then | sent
for him thinking he'd be useful TO my
wife, puttering about the place and
keeping the lawn and flowers in order
''The day Zeke arrived 1t was dark
and rainy and by o'clock that after
noon 1t was almost black as night. One
of these smokey kind of days and
Zeke's strongest belief is in ghosts.
.'He and [ were standing on the back
porch watching the rain, when the .
o'clock whistles began TO blow
"The first one was a new siren
whistle some foundry had just put on.
Remember that whistle? How it used
to make YOU feel like all the spirits
OF all the ages were rising out of their
graves and shrieking for help? Well,
when that whistle started in Zeke
turned ashy and his knees wabbled.
"'Good God mighty in hebbenn he
yelled.
Ezekiel said ! sternly you mustn't
be using profanity like that around
here: nv wife won't like it,.
'.Marse Randolph said Zeke. with
trembling voice. dat wuzn't perfanity
Dat wuz a prayer. Same way with
me- laughed the colonel, when I saw
those women
SAY. colonel. If you feel that way
about 1t, you ought to start a womans 5
dress reform movements" said. the fam
iIv friend by Jove. I'd like to-" earn
estly replied the colonel.
I'D like to he the guy to put the move
I'm that movement; and by cricky. it's up
ia the men to do it, Here are the women
holding out that they follow all these
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25

that fact. Mistur Wilsun admits it. There
fore it is established.
Therefore we affurm that all this was
luck for Jas. G. McReynolds. James c. was
having all this luck creating an opportu-
nifty for him, and he didn t Gwen know it
much less have emmy thing to do with it, OF
contributing emmy thing to bring it about.
If Tammerny had mt VOTED for Clark. if
Bryan had'n got as mad and peevsh as
a dark blew wasp on hot day in bottle,
if the tide had not turned at Baltmoor, If
Teddy had kissed Taft and sed all is for
given, if Teddy himself had been abull to
have snagged the nomnnnasion at Chicago,
if ten thousend nther lucky things had not
happened that James G. had no moor power
ovver than an English Judge has over the
diet of Suffragette, how the Sam Hill
would James S. evver have been maid At
torney GennerilY What did James C. do
toward bringing about aforesed oppertuni-
ty? Nuthing, nuthing Whatsoever. it was
nuthing but luck
Now don't get under the impression
that James G. is purely and simply cree
ture OF luck. Not at all. James G.. is one of
our niftiest little lawyers, and the way he
can ram Habyus Corpus, or pertinent
lnJunctsion into the Stats of full grown
trust and make it rinkle up like an old silk
hat which has been sat on by steem roller
is enuff to tickel the plain peepul plum to
deeth. We air for James c. good and
strong; we air glad that he is in our midst.
and trust he will remain so, but we contend
that he has been lucky We think that he
will agree with us.
Atturney Generil McRevnods cum frum
Tennisee. Sevverel yeers ago MIR. Mercy
nolds begin to think that Tennisee was a
good phase to cum frum, and he proseeded
to cum frum it forthwith, and he has staid
cum frum there ever cents James G. was
appointed to the phase at the he'd of the De
partmint of .Justise purely and simply be-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25

N1ISTUR EDDITUR: Sum peepul de-
clare openly and maintain it that
Sszgg there is no such thing as luck. They
believe that evvery boldly has the same OPP
pertunity, or if not they have the oppertu-
nifty to create the opportunity, and if they
pretty hard to convinve the ordinery citi-
zen who has had emmy experience in the
CRATE naslonal game Of poker that there
an t emmy luck. Emmy man who has picked
draw three cards to pair of aces and get
two moor, frum up his sleeve, or in the
draw, it don t make emmy difference SO long
as he ant cought, will deny the statemint
that there ant emmy such thing as luck.
There is luck and that's all there is to it.
Luck cuts hole lot of ice with states
men. Luck cut figger with Willyum j.
Bryan. He was unlucky enuff to get the
Demmycratic nomminasion three times
when you couldn't have put demmycrat
through the hack-door of the White House
with the standing army and pile driver.
Luck stepped in and beet him out of the
nomminasion when it would have been as
easy to have shot ball of biskit dough
through the walls of penetensiary as it
would to have been toe elect Republican
dog catcher. Luck stepped in and prompt
ed Charley Murphy and his minyuns of
Tammerny Hall-the hired men of Predda-
tory Weelth-to vote for Champ Clark at
Baltimoor. Luck sent the Peerless leeder
there-upon skampering to the platform
yyb ho MT re nd
hundred delegates rite into Woodrow Will
suns lap and maid him the nomminee of
the party. Luck kept nagging Roosefelt to
keep up his pleasant little pass time of kick
ing the republicon eefant around and luck
put ovver the first demmycrat in menny
yeers. and there ant no way of lodging
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25
BY C. T. MARKELL

drained by conduits. and in the bottom
thereof shalt thou behold two hollow
stones and therein two dragons sleep"
The King had this done and himself
watched the process, when to his great
surprise, two dragons. one white and
the other red, issued from the stones
breathing fire as they emerged and be-
gan terrible combat, one with the
other. The white beast had the ad-
vantage at first, but finally the red one
prevailed and vanquished his opponent.
Merlin Informed the King that the red
dragon was the British beast and the
white one that of the invading Saxons,
the result of the combat typifying the
glorious destiny of England
This is the origin of the famous pro-
phecies of Merlin which ever since
have been the subject of profound spec
ulatfon and heated contention of schol-
ar. sage and savant
They are too lengthy to insert here,
but ii is remarkable how many and how
ingenious have been the devices to solve
them and even maintain that they have
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25
THE COLONEL ON PETTICOATS.
PROFANITY AND OTHER MATTERS
N bright Sunday morning in
May the Colonel and the family
friend were ambling about be-

~ a bright rig Sunday morning in
May the Colonel and the family
friend We're ambling about be-
tween First and Sixth avenues, and
turning in and out of just any street.
street.
Ii was pleasant to be in the warm
sunshine; to watch the scores of peonle
grouped on their newly-washed porches
and reading their Sunday papers: it was
exhilarating just to breathe the sweet
May alf-and incidentally, it was keenlv
interesting to criticize the fantastic and
whimsical costumes of the Sunday
dressed women on their devout wav to
church. way "
on this subject the Colonel was To-
quacious-wlth sarcastic luency and
strength of expression bordering on mo-
family The Colonel had a Wholesome
ana deep-rooted objection to seeing a
MIN of light from the other side of n
lady walking in front of him.
The transparency of costume affec+oa
by few of the present day style ev~
,remlsts grated on his nerves. AS thew
sulheu IN Iwenty-hrst street trio of
tash1onably attired ladies were seen bur-
rying ahead of them.
one was a large, corpulent ladv. ono
was medium height, lanky. thin LADY
ana one was a little, just-crow;ng-r,
iady-all or which sounds as If this vera
going to be a travesty on the ti,ne-hon
ored legend of the Three Bears. Rnt n
isn't. Du' l.
10 resume, all three ladies' were A.
tired In white, ana there's no disnutin -
lhat thelr skirts were-well, rather
sketchy, to express 1t politely
ana IL was just ds unbecominr to tho
STOUT iady as 1t was to the thin lady and
jjust as unbecoming 10 the little Iadv a :
1t was to the stout lady. So there n,at9
ters stood mat
"Goddle mighty" remarked the co,o,e,
iervently and distinctly.
LOOK, here, colonel" demonstrated the
Iamlly friend, this Is the Sabbath 1ay
II you go on like that some s. p p vii,
come along and pinch YOU
colonel inc
why, Society for the Prevention of
frofanity' said the family friend
PROFANITY the del mean the mischief,
What's needed here IL society for ne
so'hpuIslon OF petticoats." candidiy
blurted out the colonel.
Whats needed is a societv for aa,,o..
ing that imbecile class of would-he fa an
lonabie women along lines of decencv in
dress. society to te-arvn 'em that where
they show lack of skirts they are also
showing a lack of brains-to teach er,
that, even II they've got no modesty they
might have q little common sense
fhey defend themselves hv claiming
that they dress to please the men. Thun-
deration' They ought to be taught that
THAT kind of thing disgusts every man
living. And It does. too. A man may be
a black hearted degenerate himself, but
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25
Fired Into S50-a-Week Job

From the American Magazine.
Theoretically scientific mana cement has
use only for first class workers. as ii nat
urally aims to set its tasks by what a
flrst class man can do. The fact is how
ever that under its principle of suiting
the worker to the job and educating him
in II. there is chance for every worker
to become first class, save only those
who, physically, mentally or morally, are
hopelessly defective. How this principle
of scientific selection works out can pe
seen in the case of drill press hand
who for years could ct work only when
work was booming. AS soon as this man
landed in a scientific mana cement sllpp
1t was discovered that the only trouble
with him was that drill press work was
too heavy for his physical powers and 100
complicated for his mentality, and so, he-
ing set to work at a milling machine he
promptly was turned into first Grass
workman who earns big money steadily.
ANA there Is the case of a machinst Who
when his shop was placed under scientific
management, was reported by his FORE
man not to be good for anything How
ever that man is now making 50 week
he used to have 10 rd struggle making
Sl6-for 1t turned out that as an inspec
tor of work he was a first class man in
deed
Perhaps the best 1hing of all about
scientific management from the point OF
view of the worke: is that It bids fair TO
make of every industrial esta ablshment
an educational institution. Certainly. by
making planning t1 an ever Increasing
extent take the place of crude muscular
exertion, it is putting a premium on
brains. In small shop operating unde,
scientific management. the proprietor re-
Gently called In two OF his functional fore-
men and said:
Boys, l must get I'd of you"
whats the trodblc?" was asked n
establishment.
''rhe trouble is. replied the manager.
that you are getting to know too much
for us here. Anyway, you have become
too high priced for us =
of course, they di,if't understand: so
'the manager explained that he hid
learned that two men such as they were
needed for $50-a-week positions with large
companies that were Installing scientific
management. and that as he couldn't
afford to pay them more than their exist
ing salaries of $50. he would have to fire
them. Before the ict~oduction of scier.-
tihc management tho sc men earned as
machinists from SIS TO SIZES week
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25

been realized In the subsequent history
OF Great Britain. A few of them are
worth consideration. Suger, abbot OF
St. Denis and minister of Louis the Fat
in the Twelfth century, wrote this:
Merlin wrote THE lion of justice shall
succeed at whose roaring shall trem-
Bile the towers of Gaul and the dragons
of the island In those days shall gold
be wrung from the lily and the nettle
and silver shall flow from the hooves
OF them that low. They whose hair is
crisped and curled shall array them in
parti- -colored fieeces and the garment
without shall betoken that which is
within The feet of them that bark,
shall be cropped short. The wild deer
snail have peace, but humanity shall
suffer dole. The shape of commerce
shall be cloven in twain; the half shall
be round. The ravening of kites shall
perish and the teeth of wolves be
blunted. The Lions whelps shall be
changed into fishes of the sea and his
eagle shall build her nest upon the
mountains of Eryri."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25
The Dance Of the Giants

Jnis accredited birthplace. He was the
son of daughter of the King of De-
malta and an incubus demon. 1t seems
that Hengist did not slay Vortigern al
Stonehenge, but finally gave him his
liberty and he retired into Wales, where
he essayed to build a castle. However
all the work that his masons completed
in one day was swallowed up by the
earth the next day. Finally the wizards
Informed him that he must find a lad
who had never had a father, slay him
and sprinkle his blood over the mortar
and stones by which means a castle
could be erected that would endure
Merlin was found and upon being told
that mis- blood was to be shed declared
that the wizards had lied. They We're
brought before him and the king and
the former demanded of them that they
should tell what rested beneath the
foundations of the castle and which
was the cause of the daily disappear
ance of its foundations This they were
not able to do, when Merlin exclaimed
Command, oh king, that the pool be
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-05-25
A Double Advantage

From the Youngstown Telegram
In one of the films at the Lyman
Howe travel festival at the Grand Mon
day evening he gave the effect of
swiftly moving train. with the audience
as passengers.
As the train whirled through pictur-
esque valleys and along steep mountain
sides young woman in one of the
front rows observed to her escort:
"Fd rather like travelling like this,
because there is little danger of train
sickness"
Yes, replied the escort "and be-
sides, one does not have to tip the
porter
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1913-02-04

Throughout the past few years
of progress fertilizers have not
been left behind.
While farm machinery makers
have been devising better ways of
reaping the crops we have been
finding better ways to produce
them.
We have made ga. A. c." Fer
tilizers in formulas to supply the
demand of every soil and crop.
The need had long been urgent
for exactness in mixing fertilizers.
For if single one of the several
elements that crops require is lack
ing in your soil the size of your
crop is reduced.
Fortunately for farmers, only
three of the elements are subject
to material loss.
Nitrogen, Phosphorlc Acid and
Potash are all of the elements that
farmers usually need to buy.
When enough of these three ele-
ments are applied every need of
the plant is supplied.
The law, therefore, demands that
the analysis be printed on the
bags. But this measure, helpful as
it is, can never fully indicate the
value of your Fertilizer.
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1913-02-04
STRUGGLE
WITH ILLNESS
Mrs. Stewart Tells How She
Suffered from 16to45 years
old-How Finally Cured.

Euphemia, Ohio" Because of total
ignorance of how to care for myself
when verging into womanhood, and from
taking cold when going to school, | suf-
fered from a displacement, and each
month l had severe pains and nausea
which always meant lay-off from work
for two to four days from the time |
was 16 years old
"Iwent to Kansas to live with my sis
ter and while there a doctor told me of
the Pinkham remedies but did not use
them then as my faith in patent medi-
cines was limited. After my sister died
l came home to Ohio to live and that
has been my home for the last Is years.
"The Change of Life came when Twas
AZ years old and about this time | saw
my physical condition plainly described
in one of your advertisements. Then l
began using Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound and l cannot tell you
or any one the relief it gave me in the
first three months. It put me right
where l need not lay off every month
and during the last Is years | have not
paid out two dollars to doctor, and have
been blest with excellent health forawo-
woman of my age and l can thank Lydia
E. Pinkham sVegetable Compoundfo fort
"Since the Change of Life is over l
have been a maternity nurse and being
wholly self-supporting l cannot over
estimate the value of good health. l
have now earned a comfortable little
home just by sewing and nursing since
l was So years old. have recommended
the Compound to many with good re-
suits, as it is excellent to take before
and after childbirth. Miss EVELYN
ADELIA STEWART, Euphemia, Ohio.
If you want special advice write to
Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Go. (conii.
dentiaD Lynn, Mass. Your letter will
be opened, read and answered by q
woman and held in strict confidence
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1913-02-04
How "A. A. c. Fertilizers, "BoWker" and
''AmeriCan'' Brands, Have Kept Pace
With Progressive Farming

OF PLANT FOODS IN DIFFER
ENT FORMS THAT WILL FEED
THE PLANT AS GROWTH UN-
FOLDS WANTS. FERTILIZER
so MIXED IS WORTH MUCH
MORE THAN FERTILIZERS TOO
QUICK OR TOO SLOW.
To so mix fertilizers that the
crop will be fed continuously re-
quires an intimate knowledge of
the elements that each crop takes
out of your soil.
IT DEMANDS THAT BRAINS
BE MIXED WITH MATERIALS.
So. we gathered in our manufac-
turing department the ablest tai
ent we could find. Many of the
men are authors of books that are
considered authorities.
Some of these men today are in
the front ranks as practical agri-
cultural experts. They have de-
voted their lives to studying the
problems of fertilizers.
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1913-02-04
Bankrupt Sale.

In the District Court of the United
States for the Northern District OF
Georgia. Wesern Division:
In the matter of w. P. Nasworthy,
Bankrupt.-In Bankruptcy, No. $50.
In pursuance of an order issued by
Hon. w. w. Wright, Referee in
Bankruptcy, dated January goth,
1913, will be sold at the store house
recently occupied by w. P. Naswor-
thy, located on the north side of Lee
street and next door to the postoffice,
at public cutlery, to the highest bid
der for cash, during the legal hours
of sale, on the Sth day OF February,
1913, all of the following property,
towit: All drugs, fixtures, prescrip-
ton counters, scales, typewriter,
chairs, tables, perfumes, gasoline en-
CINE and dynamo, iron safe, fans and
all other fixtures and merchandise
now stored in said store house be-
longing to said bankrupt. This Jan.
9th, 1913. r. r. MARLIN, Trustee.