Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-04-22

And if there is a contagious thing
In this world it is embarrassment. 1
never felt anything worse in all my
life than the shame that swept over
me in a great hot wave when mat
look came into his eyes and made
me realize just exactly what l had
been saving to him, about what, and
how | had said it. l stood perfectly
still. shook all over like = leaf anu
wondered If / would ever be able to
raise my eyes from the groun1 A
dizzy nauseated feeling for myself
rose up in me against myself and /
was just about TO turn ON my heels
and leave him. L hoped for ever, Nheh
he came over and laid his hhnd on
my shoulder.
molly" he said in a voice That
might have come down from heaven
on dove wings, you can't for :. mo-
ment feel or think that don't real
ize and appreciate what you nave
been to the motherless little chap, ana
for life j am yours at command, as
he is. 1 really thought it would be
a relief to you to have him taken
away from you for just a little white
right now, and | still think 1t Is oe5t'
but not unless you consent. You saal
have him back whenever you are
ready for him, and at all times beth
he and | are at your service u the
whole of our kingdoms. Just tiilhh
the matter over won't you, and de-
eide what YOU want me to do?'
Something in me died forever,
think. when he spoke to me Ike that.
He's not like other men and there
aren't any other men on earth put
him! All the rest are just bugs OF
bats or something worse. And I'm
not ANYTHING myself There's no ex-
cuse for my living and | wish | WASH
so healthy and likely so on doing II.
II was all over and there was nothing
left for me to live for, and before
could stop myself | buried my race
in my hands.
..RiIlv asked me to go with him on
This awful whale hunt" l sobbed out
TO comfort myself with the Thought
that somebody did care for me, re-
CARELESS of just how | was farthef
embarrassing and complieating my
self in the affairs of the to neh
7 had thought | owned and was now
finding out that l had to give up,
wish | had been looking at him, Tor
I felt him start, but he said in his
big friendly voice that is SO much
and never enough for me.
"WeH, why not you and Al come
4long and make it family party, II
that is what suits Bill. the bossY
If men would just buy good, sharp,
kitchen knives and cut out women
hearts in business-like way 1t Woula
be so much kinder of them. why 40
they prefer to use dull weapons lhal
mash the life out slowly Everything
is at an end for me tonight ana that
blow did it. 1t was a horrible ernei
thing for him to say to me! | KNOW
now that l have been in love with
John Moore for longer than my honor
let's me admit and that I'll never love
ANYBODY else, and that also l nave OF
fercd myself to him served-up in every
known enticement and have had TO De
refused at least twice a day for
wear A widow can't say she didn't
understand what she was doing, even
to herself, but-my humiliation is
complete and the only thing that can
make me ever hold up my head is TO
puzzle him by-by happily marrying
Alfred Bennett-and quick.
OF course, he must suspect how l
feel about him, for two people
couldn't both be so ignorant as not
TO see such an enormous thing as my
love for him is, and | was the bind
one. But he must never, never know
that | ever realized it, for he is so
good that it would distress him.
must Just go on in my foolish way
with him until I can get away. I'll
tell him I'm sorry | was so indignant
tonight and say that ! think it will
be fine for him to take my Billy away
from me with him. l must smile at
the idea of having my very soul am
putated. insist that it is the only
thing to do and pack up the little
soul in a steamer trunk with the
smile. Just smile, that is all! Life
demands smiles from a woman even
if she must crush their perfume from
her own heart and she generally has
them ready.
oh Molly, Molly, is it for this you
came into the world, twice to give
yourself without love? What differ
ence does it make that your arms are
him to the softness and fragrance of
your breast? Why are your eyes blue
pools of love, if they are not for his
questioning, and what are your rose