davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02
Those Foolish Anniversaries.

Mr.. and Mrs. Aloysius Fopdoodle re-
quest your presence at a reception TO he
held in honor of the fifth anniversary of
Mr.. Fopdoodle's operation for gan stones
Friday afternoon, April eleventh, one
thousand nine hundred and thirteen
Mr.. and Mrs. Lycurgus W, Osternoor
requests the honor of your presence at a
dinner party to be held at their home
Saturday evening, April 18th, the tenth
anniversary of the occasion upon which
Mrs Ostermoor recovered her false teeth.
which she had lost in a restaurant on
Monroe Ave.
s'Mr. and Mrs. Josephus H. JULIEN re-
quest the pleasure of your presence upon
a dinner party to be held at their home
Julep Villa, Friday evening April
eleventh, in honor of the sixteenth ami
versary Of their trip to Chicago to hear
grand opera r. s. V. p. Full dress.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

The president of an American cop
per company has been driven out of
Cananea by mob of 1000 Mexicans.
Probably if the secretary had been
there also. a mob of 1000 would have
been required
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal Is a member OF the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news n
ganizatfon for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka
The news is received in The State jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

The origin of the word booze as
applied to Intoxicating liquor apparent
" has been discovered. The Russians
make drink from miIlet seed, which
is something like beer and call it
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

AS the reunion season approaches
something should be done about bring
ing together the survivors of Arma-
PeddOn
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

The emperor of Germany has an
electric sign on his automobile read
ing, 1.-THE Lord be with u.s." The "us''
of course, means those who have diff
ficulty in getting out of the way
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

Now the call of the wild is heard an6
the papers are full of mysterious dis
appearances and fears of foul play.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

Secretary Bryan should bear in mind
that the job of travelling claim adj
juster has been known to lead to the
presidency.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

Having tried out his peace making
qualifications on Speaker Clark, Sec
rotary Bryan passes on to California
and from that job he will move onto
the world in general.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

What about those gorgeous Oriental
exhibits California expects China and
Japan to send to the Panama Canal
exposition?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

1t is said that there are in the
United States 735 coal mines, produce
ing an average of 100000 tons each
annually. But it will be hard to make
the average householder believe that
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

Being on the inside has it's penal
ties. The heiress of the Krupp estab-
lishment has been assessed $1,S00,000
as her share of the new German war
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02
According to Uncle Abner.

Z
ference how much money Teller has
got as long as he has plenty of 1t. A
man doesn't have to live to be more
than a hundred and fifty years old
to find that out.
I never see a slide trombone player
who didn't look as though he was
laboring under a secret sorrow, and
this is also true OF the people who
listen to him.
One other thing that nobody ever
saw was bashful life insurance
agent.
A book agent will take almost any
thing but his departure.
Airships and politics are the two
best things to stay out of that it has
ever been my pleasure to meet.
Hold Peters has been rather unfor-
tunate regarding his sons. One of
them contributes jokes to the comic
magazines and the other one is all
ways writing home for money. too.
They are inventing a machine to
photograph thought, but it is doubt
full if they can ever devise one speedy
enough to take down Mr.. LaFollettes
thoughts concerning T. r.
Miss Lutte Bibbins made some pam
cakes by cooking school recipe the
other day and her old man has used
'em to nail over some ratholes down
to his feed mill.
People around these parts are
carrying their butter and eggs down
town every night before the bank
closes and putting them in the safety
deposit vault.
Uncle Ezra Harkins says everything
is going to be whole lot dearer than
it is, but Elmer Jones says Uncle Ezra
is liar, bekuz Miss Amy Pringle, the
village milliner, couldn't be dearer than
she is now. oh, piff1e.
There is many a man called a mer-
chant prince when he is in reality a
ounce.
Speaking of color schemes, many a
girl may resemble an angel in Alice
blue, but still look like Helen pink
If you have a gold watch that will
not run you can easily make it do so
by melting 1t.
Amry Tibbs, who is out west, is not
expected to live. The jury returned a
verdict of guilty
listen to than a sopranner with cold
in the head and that is a phonograph
with sand in the grooves.
The trouble in this country is that
they are breaking too many aeropJane
records and not enough talkin' ma
chine records.
The Teller that plays the piccalo in
the orchestra may have to work har-
der than the Teller that plays the base
VOL, but he doesn't have SO much to
carry home after the concert.
Most of the aviators are gettin' so
hey can go up now at least once or
twice.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

Secretary Bryan advocates world
wide peace. Probably as an incentive
to Champ Clark to make that truce
perpetual.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

The president has fixed congress to
his liking. But the discovery was
made long ago that it is difficult to
make the average lawmaker remain
fixed
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

One by one the spiritual husbands OF
Madame Blavatsky are gathered to
their karma
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

Vice President Marshall need not
resign from the Golf club. The cuss-
ing done on the links is purely imper-
SOnal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

Had you noticed that spring came as
soon as Ty Cobb signed?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

Pleasant as it may be to hear Mr.
Caruso sing free of charge, few care
to qualify by enrolling in a peniten-
fiary
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02

GibDs-"So you've bought a farm an
what are you going to raise ffrst?'' Dibbs
The money to work iG"-Boston Tran
script
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-02
ON TIE SPUR
or THE MOMENT
The Town Invalid.
BY ROY K. MOULTON.

The Town Invalid.
Erasmus Jones was never well so far as
his friends ever knew.
He tried out every new disease, but al
ways managed to pull through
When his lumbago would improve his
rheumatism would get worse.
His friends stood by for many years all
ready to send for the hearSe.
When other folks got sick and died
Erastus said, ''Well. I'll be next"
He always had the same disease they
died of, by some strange pretext.
But in a week or two he'd have another
ailment and forget
The old one, and would revel in a brand
new course of vain regret.
When Old Man Purdy had the govt, Eras-
mus had to have it, too,
They couldn't scoop him a thing in
spite of all that they could do.
When Abner Hanks had Bright'S disease
Erasmus straightway went to bed.
And had the same thing so much worse
they thought three times that he
was dead.
Erasmus had corner on the sympathy
of that whole place,
And no one else got any, for Erasmus
always set the pace.
He kept this up until it made the other
folks all fightin' mad,
To think they couldn't have thing ex-
cepting what Erasmus had.
But one by one they passed away, all but
Erasmus and he stuck;
They had no more effect on him than
water has upon a duck.
One hundred and five years he stayed
and travelled his life of toll and pain.
But he was laid away one day when he
had been killed by train.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12
Only Milk.

Milk, milk, nothing but milk-that
is what my mother brought me up
on. None Of her children had any
other article OF diet until they were
u, and ! have never found anything
so nourishing. so easy to digest and
80 productive Of good results. So milk
Is my diet, and though the girls vary
from 1t, they often regret some in
discretion of diet to the tune of a pain
of a skin rash or one Of the ills that
food is so generous about presenting
people with" said Miss Dot.
Il live on milk-no water to drink,
for milk takes its place. No indi-
gestible food can tempt me, for milk
keeps me so we'll 80 buOyant and so
free from nerves that | flourish there
on and never long for the flavor Of
any food but my tried and true friend.
About twice a year / have taste Of
some such foreign substance as ice
cream. Oh, yes, / can eat food, and
| do occasionally. but | don't like it.
81 drink eight quarts of milk a day
not iced milk to shock the sensitive
stomach nerves, but normal tempered
milk.
II sip 1t slowly-Just sneak II
down said one specialist who cures
all sorts OF nervous and digestive dis
eases by a seven week milk cure.
| Well, 1t takes me about fifteen min
utes to drink one glass of milk, ana
| ! am enjoying il all the time We're
all only bigger babies-babies grown
/ up-and If II is so good for the wee
things to live on milk, why should Il
not he good for them to go on living
on milk, the friendly food of their
childhood? The girls drink Ave or six
glasses OF milk a day, and whenever
they are tired or nervous, or feel on
the verge Of little breakdown bach
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12

~ ARTS at o'clock OF a summer
evening! The cleaning lights,
the gay gowns Of the women, the
trees, the outdoor cafes-Helen, clinging
to warren's arm, walked down the broad
boulevard athrill with the glamour Of 1t
all.
1t had been just four hours since they
arrived from Cherbourg- tired, dusty
travel stained, But now, rested and in
cooler clothes. they started out to find,
as Warren expressed It. "a place to
feed"
Where should they go? Helen sug
gested a number Of well known places
thar she had read Of in the guide book
But Warren was determined to have
their hrst dinner at a restaurant he had
been particularly fond of when he was
in Paris eight years before
Although he had forgotten the name,
he had felt confident Of his sense of To-
cation They had taken a bus to
Porte St Martin and had walked sew
eraI blocks in what he felt was the right
direction
Must be around here somewhere,
frowning down a street that was plain
ly unfamiliar Il don't believe they've
moved"
isn't that a restaurant over there
where the lights are?" asked Helen
hopefully.
BY Jove! l believe that's the place,
as they crossed the wide street. I'd
have sworn II was on the other side"
Entering, they were met by an Off
cious head waiter, who hustled ahead.
ushering them to q table in an inner
room.
"Oh. we don't want to sit back here,
objected Warren give us a table out
on the veranda."
Sorry. monsieur. but they're all
taken"
why, there's a half dozen vacant
ones up at that end. "
They're all reserved, monsieur" re-
peated the head walter stolidly.
Warren turned TO Helen with a scowl-
ing so they know that game over here,
too. This fellows looking for five
francs Well, what do you say? Want
to sit back here-or look up some other
place."
"Oh. dear. let's go somewhere else"
ISSenlluE the SupSTtllNuS dli ol the
head waiter, who stood impatenty
tapping the dinner card with his pencil
Outside Warren demanded CURLY:
Now. where to? It's getting late and
I'm hungry. We don't want to wander
around all night, you know"
But. dear, we don't want TO stay
there That man was almost insolenJ.'
He Blames Her.
We'll. you're pretty darn particular"
as usual throwing the responsibility
upon her. Wed have been sure OF
good food there, anyway But you're
always kicking. Suppose you find
place now"
Helen realized that Warren was on
the verge OF one Of his irritable moods.
when he would blame her for whatever
happened however inconsistent or IN
just. He had had nothing TO eat since
that early and unsatisfactory luncheon
en- the train II was = critical mo-
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12
By Chas. D. Isaacson.
Copyright 1913 by International News
Service.

Copyright 1913 by international News
Service.
IN the midst of the seance the grave
faced spirit medium paused. He
- slowly rose from his seat before his
assembled auditors and impressively
spoke:
MY good friends, we are now going
to attempt the most difficult expert
ment of all-something never before
accomplished in the records of the
world. If we succeed in doing it. we
shall prove beyond all possible doubt
the fact that we CAN communicate
with the dead"
He cleared his throat and waited as
a sharp flash of lightning illumined the
room and a murderous peal of thunder
crashed on its heels.
1t was a night late in Augusta hot.
black, scary night, when you look war
lily over your shoulder at the bent,
sinking. soaking figures that pass you
by; when the very air seems laden with
hobgoblin phantOms, and the wind seems
to echo the moaning and groaning of lost
souls
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12
Beauty Secrets of Beautiful Women
HoDo Dot Wilson Found Mix an Aid TO Natural Lorlinno
By Lillian LAUFERTY.

Tt you want to have your skin
white. your eyes bright, your dl-
gestion good and your weight al
ways adjusted to a pleasing plump
ness that does not Increase to stout
ness, try the milk diet. This is pref
ty pink and white. sparkling eyed
Dot Wilson's great beauty secret, and
she longs for converts to her theory
Of the simple life"
found Miss Wilson and her sis
tiers in a cool. wind swept room down
at Brighton Beach. New York, and
after ! had adjusted myself to this
triple personality as Illustrated by the
"three-twin" sisters. we settled down
to a cozy little visit that gave me
one or two brand-new ideas for the
attainment of beauty. The first idea
was something no one said-it was
just the generous, kindly attitude of
admiration and willingness to have
their baby sister" featured that Miss
Doris Wilson and Miss Alma showed
throughout our interview. Next fall
b. F. Keith will give you all a chance
TO see the three clever girls who
make up the Doris Wilson trio-but
before that time pray let me present
to you bit of their philosophy Of
lIfe-and haauty
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12
Going the Limit.

Jones-R Mr. Oldboy makes any
such assertion, l will denounce him as
a liar.
President-Mr Jones, call you 70
order. Our bylaws do not allow you
to go that far.
Jones-Then call Mr. Oldboy a liar
as far as it is permitted by the by
laws of this association.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12
Do You Know

DR.. Samuel Rideal. Of London Uni
versity. who read a paper on the ad 10
vantages of gas over coal as the fuel
at a teachers conference at Shelf
field, said that per cent of coal used
was converted into SCOT and In Lon
don the annual sootfall was $4,000
tons. The annual SCOT and dust fall
in Leeds and London averages be-
tween 800 and $50 tons per square
mile, in Glasgow. 1881 tons and In
Coatbridge, 1880 tons.
A marked crab that had been caught
OFF Catherine, on the KinCardineshire
coast was sent to the fisheries Off
Ger at Aberdeen for examination, and
II has now been ascertained that the
crab was liberated at BeadnelL
Northumberland, on October 9, 1919.
Catherine is 800 miles from Bead
nell
A boy police force is 70 be insti-
tuted at Portland Greg. 1t is proposed
to have a boy chief Of police. with
captains serGeants. and other Off
cialS. They Will not be permitted to
make arrests, but will report youth
tul offenders TO the police department.
The second wedding Of the 1S-year-
old daughter of Haricharan Chaka-
barty-the first Hindu widow who has
ever remarTied-took place at Chit
TAGGING India. Her first husband died
when she was six years old,
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12
A Night of Wonders.

Within the darkened room, fifty
frightened people held firmly to their
chairs and listened to the deep, far
away tones of the speaker medium. This
had been a night of wonders. Tables
and chairs had foated about by unseen
supernatural means. Wonderful mes
sages had made fifty hearts fiutter like
leaves in a Kansas cyclone. To these
persons, accustomed to unusual things
brought about by their mystifying lead
er. the startling events OF the meeting
had Overshadowed anything of the past
And now the thought of something still
more dramatic brought them to breath
less and awed attention.
Dear spirit" breathed the medium,
raising his eyes to the ceiling I'VE
crave your assistance and beg your par
don for firing you so much this day.
Accomplish this seeming impossibility
prove your existence and your ability
to communicate with us, TO the most
skeptical, unbelleving member of this
circle.
lover there is a clock"-and. the
speaker pointed a long, lean. bony ln-
ger to the opposite end of the room,
where on the mantel could be family
traced the outlines of ponderous old
fashioned timepiece.
Listen. Spirit, listen. over there,
you hear the ticking of that clock over
there-you head it?'
Tick-tick-tick fell on the ears Of the
listeners, who held their breath for
fear 1t would drown the sound which
grew louder and louder with each sue
cessive second, until It seemed to beat
on their very hearts.
A Request.
Spirit. think carefully now please
Here Is where the experiment begins
Can you-win you STOP THAT
CLOCK?"
Deathly silence ensued. Just tick
tick-loud and clear and sharp as q
bell
No answer.
Spirit. will You do it?''
Tick-tick-tick.
"Win you?"
'.Why-why. yves. I'll try" came
the answer IN mysterious taps on the
table.
Tick-tick-tick - tick - each second
seemed an hour to the 50 auditors, who
sat half turned toward the clock,
| eager cared. faint hearted.
Tick-tick-
Snap! In the very middle Of a beat!
1T STOPPED!
Oh, the eternity Of silence that fol-
lowed broken soon by storm of gasps
and screams. There was a crash OF
thunder, and some one, no longer able
to stand the oppression of the darkness,
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12
Drew On Account.

Doctor-F'rom now you may let
your husband have glass of beer
every day. You understand?
Wife-Yes, doCtor-iust one glass
a day.
Doctor Ga week ater)-Now. | hope
you have kept strictly to that one
glass per day that l allowed your hus-
band to take
Wife-Most decidedly. doctor-only
he is four weeks in advance with his
allowance
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12
Literally.

Boarder (tackling a tough steak, to
boarding house keeper)-When you
undertook to provide me with board,
madam, l was unaware that you
meant to do so literally
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12

they go to the milk diet and then they
just get in tune with things again"
l looked at the three pairs of bright
eyes-blue. blue-gray and hazel
gray--each pair with a spark of light
at the back of their starry depths, l
studied the creamy. peachblow com
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12
the Answer.


This incident happened. To those who
were there. it was the most wonderful
phenomenon they had ever witnessed.
At least that is how It happened to all
but the medium. And the medium was
myself. Would you like to know how
it was done? l will tell you
No spirit stopped the clock No me-
chanical means stopped it. Even I did
not stop it. IN THE FIRST PLACE.
THE CLOCK WAS NOT GOING AT
ALL! How and why was ticking
heard?"
Here is the whole story: Back of me.
on a roll-top desk l had previously
placed very tiny alarm clock. noted
for its loud tick. Nobody thinks of
clock until you mention it. When
said. You hear the ticking over there
OVER THERE" the audience mag
ined the sound emanated from the di-
rection I pointed; and, by suggestion.
on which is based hypnotism. by the
way, they had placed it as coming from
the silent clock on the manteI. Then.
while they were listening for the unex-
pected, half turned to the opposite wall.
l had. unobserved, slipped my finger to
the pendulum, stopped the alarm and
dropped the clock into a drawerl
But then how was the other clock
the exact timer
Before the audience had arrived 7
had placed the hands ahead several
hours and had brought my experiment
to conform to the very minute l had
of lightning I had casually looked at
my watch. The mystery of the night,
the darkness, the wonders already wit
messed, had all aided me to fool these
intelligent people, among whom were a
magazine writer an artist, two theat-
rical folks, and several writer's and law
yers
Now consider this: That this expert
ment was far more dramatic and mex
plicable than is generally seen at pro-
fessional seances, where money is paid
for admittance. Yet on incidents such
as these, the credulous people of the
masses are convinced of spiritism and
defrauded by takers, whose wonders !
warrant could be unraveled as Simply
as the one I have just recorded. / did
these things to study and expose Pro-
fessionals do them for money. Is it not
highly probable that others who earn
their living at this mockery are forced
to work out similar "wonders?" I do
not say spiritualism is wrong. I do not
essay to pass Judgment on this great
question. 1t is against the takers that
direct my campaign. beseechlng every
sensible man and woman to save their
hard-earned money and evade them.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-12
Very Smooth.

BY Jove, that is pretty smooth" adj
mitted Warren. Isn't this the stuff the
Illusions raved over when they got back
last year? Wen have this often-that's
sure.
When the waiter had cleared off the
table, Warren lit his cigar and turned
over the check placed unobtrusively be-
fore him
Ten francs-two dollars, Well that's
what | call a good run for your money,
Everything specially cooked, too-and
that was a whole chicken. To get a
dinner like that in New York, you'd
have TO order il a la carte, and with
that wine It would cost you not a cent
less than $40"
Now aren't you glad we didn't stay
at that other restaurant" insisted Hell
en- with a true feminine PERSISTENCE.
The food COULDN'T have been any
better! You see l didn't find such a bad
place after all
But Warren was no longer in an in
tiammable mood. The excellent dinner
had had a most pacifyiHg effect on his
temper. So TO this rainier indiscreet re-
mark, he only shrugged a good natured
lymph, that ) rIght-TUb it iIlIi