The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-07-21
ABatch Of Smiles

ABatch Of Smiles
An Atlanta man tells of an anus
ing experience he had in a mountain
Gus region in a southwestern state,
where the inhabitants arc VIGOROUSLY
shiftless. Arriving at a d~ilapidated
shanty at the noon hour, he inquired
as to the prospect for getting dinner.
been resting" on a fallen tree in
front Of his dwelling, made reply to
the effect that he guessed mad hev
suthin INTO the table putty soon."
With this encouragement the trav-
eler dismounted. To his chagrin,
however. he soon discovered that the
food set before him was such that
he could not possibly make a meal"
He made such excuses as he could
%bethought himself of a kind of nour-
ishment which he might venture to
take and which was sure to be found
in any locality. He asked for some
milk.
Don't have milk no more" said
the head Of the place. The dawg's
dead"
THE dog!" cried the stranger.
What on earth has the dog to do
with it?"
WELL" explained the host medi-
tatively. them cows don't seem to
know 'nough to come up an be milk
ed themselves. The dog, he used to
60 for 'em and fetch en- up."-Lip-
pincott's. ="
A wealthy New York syndicate de-
termined hat it would be much to
the furtherance Of some large plans
On hand if it could purchase the New
York Herald.
So a cable was sent to James Cor
don Bennett:
please wire best price for which
you will sell New York Herald"
That evening the answe came:
Daily, 8 cents; Sunday cents.
James Gordon Bennett,
One day a pastor was calling upon
a dear old lady, one Of the pillars
of the church to which they both be-
longed. AS he thought Of her long
and useful life, and looked upon her.
sweet, placid countenance bearing
out few tokens Of her ninety-two years
to ask her: my dear Mrs. S., what
has been the chief source of your
strength and %sustenance during all
these years? What has appeared to
You as the real basis of your unusual
vigor Of mind and body, and has been
to you an unfailing comfort through
JOY and sorrow? Tell me, that I may
pass the secret on to others. and, il
possible, profit by it myself"
The old lady thought a moment,
then, lifting her eyes, dim with age,
yet kindling with sweet memories of
the past, answered briefly: "Victu-
ais"
Among the presents lately showered
upon a dusky bride in a rural section
OF an old woman with whom both
bride and groom were great favor
ties.
Some time ago, it appears, the old
woman accumulated a supply Of card
board notices, which she worked and
has framed as occasion arose.
So it happened that in a neat COM
bination of blues and reds. suspended
by a cord Of orange, there hung over
the table wherein the other presents
were displayed for the dedication of
the wedding guests this motto: Fight
on; fight ever.-Lippincott's.
Two boys who managed to be
rather unruly in school so exasper-
dlCu tiSl lGdCLleT ludL she requested
them to remain after hours and write
their names 1000 times. They plunged
into the task. Some fifteen minutes
later one of them grew uneasy and
began watching his companion In dis
grace. Suddenly the first one burst
out with despair between his sobs and
said to the teacher:
'Tain't fair, mum! His names
Bush n mines Schluttermeyer." ..
-
At Thanksgiving time, when the
dainties are being cooked. Walters
mother returned to the kitchen after
a brief absence.
Some Of you boys have been eat
ing my raisins." she commented. II
see the seeds on the fioor."
Well, 1t wasn't me, denied Wal
ter. for I was careful, to swallow all
my Seeds.
A physician. upon: opening the door
OF his consultation room. said: Next
ing the l~ongest?"
his bill rose and said: "I have, doc
tor: I delivered your clothes TO o
three years ago."
A man wished to have something
original on his wife's headstone and
hit upon, Lord She Was Thine" He
had his own ideas Of the size of the
letters and the space between words.
and gave instructions to the stone.
mason. The latter carried them out
all right. except that he could no get
in the sc" in thine.
Teacher-"What does the story of
Cinderella teach us?"
Bright Pupit-'That a low, mental
position may lead to 4 hymeneal
Small sadieHwas Of An inquiSitive
with her papa the happened to pass
a cemetery. and she asked. Say,
[papap how long does 1t take for the
toaaestSAes tossconis up after they
plant sneeele 81 .sssa3 !, 80