New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-09-06
AS | WAS SAYING

They thought to battle us by burning the wreck
age But it not who are 'foil-ed again
At glance cleared up the whole mystery
Wrecks occur because these engineers nave pas
sion for riding in Pullmans.
Watch them. Minute engineer sees the back
door Of a Pullman ahead, away flies his tmidity,
open pops the throttle and he charges at that Pull
man like Sam HILL Which is natural enough we
have ridden in locomotives. OF two evils choose the
Pullman. But ought he to take his engine in with
him?
II YES ought he not to pull up, somewhere along
bout the middle Of the car? The engineer at STAN
ford did. and we seem to recall that his zeal was
thought fully adequate.
We think so ourself. II strikes US as trihe TOO
sporty and exubcrant when driver works off his
snirits bv prancing through two entire Pumans,
though the ancient caravels OF the rail must be dis
posed of somehow
Perhaps this method gives the best satisfaction
Every now and then passenger survives his ride
in Pullman and it saves face to explain that his
car had assistance from outside force when II
dropped to pieces.
Such however, is not the idea OF the railroads.
Owing to a strong antiquarian sentiment they
would rather sec the old arks hang on as long as
possible and die a natural death. So We keep near
ing that they strew torpedoes behind stalled tran
Overwhelmingly! But we have looked into
this arrangement with our accustomed diligence ana
we doubt if any of the torpedoes now IN use would
kill engineer.
This polteness to drunken Indians will be the end
Of Wilson ION to Mexico" cries The Outlooks
military expert. who has the entire campaign
manned out-which ports to blockade (aD. what
scent To follow across country tgarlc) ana where
TO bunk for the night preferably the eei!ing)-in
fact every smallest detail
Guess We can beat that, though.
In brethren, Meet US on the frontier at your
earliest convenience the whole seventeen million OF
you-and listen for our ringing command ot now
fellows. all take hold Of hands" Then. whoop-la.
Whsht,
Considering their habits it is cruel lesson that
awaits the Mexicans. At word from US Colonel
Goethals will turn on the water
An Absent Minded Beggar with genius and
feeling for beauty is proving To and FRO among the
farmers, soliciting food and lodging and taking IL
out on his bencfactors by recitng his enchahted
poems.
There is quite . fuss about HIM this week in one
n our picture papers. and it appears that the copy
was obtained by interviewing the Nm. u.
Wh.rcss We should have interviewed those farm
ers-and may yet!
Passing through -ty--th stree Ohe shady
side close to TIL avenue). you must often have
noticed the sign. Claude Crovninshield farrott'
Tonsorial Artist. Crsnial Manpulator and Caph'
lature Abridger"
Risk IL, But insist the services OF Mr.. FAR
rott hmself-his is tho throne ext the "ihdo"
and have a shampoo. ~ the merinsue fr"ths It's
foamest you Will feel your hcdu t"'S''" "D''P"' ~
the right, and
Uoorayi respondent young lady grnnlng &C.
rision al YOU from an office across the street!
What saw. beloved? Aren't We the only nation on
earth to be barbered in showcase? WethinKs yes
our next imitation Will be sly and cunning adj
venture in space grating. Also in Iran picKihs
the brain being Brother Roe Fukerson s. writes ne
Jimmy SAWS it's one thing to be funny just for
fun but the saddcst thing in this land OF SIN sor-
row and gasolene bills is TO get up IN Inc morning
with a still small voice whispering ScinuiiS'e du'h
you. scintillate!
Success to crime Several lines We have saned
by the above steal
u is already in type-thst thrilling interview be-
tween Mother Thaw and Harry on the doorstep OF
Villa Parsnoia. in Pittsburgh
where are your berries childY
never fear. mother! Wonderful things are ac-
complished I have put Canada on the map
Great wit to madness is akin, ana there is no
madness like George Bernard Sha" H't'e's'
uarcb bares and the wet hen of legend look sweetly
aniabc beside Shaw. who accuses MS audience Vi
"aenseIess monument indecent irritating ill-man-
r.red putawinC and brawng," and would Ike to
finish the run of 'Androccs and the Lion by throw
nr the crowd to real lion
Sounds more like Chesterton. Isn't this exactly
tho r,mpus c. b. has tried all his life to stir up?
And lust see his wrath now his EFFORTS are crowned
with success,
As for Chcsterton, VIC hear that ne IS Writng MS
compliments to Shaw while hying WIN NJ resouu IN
the new and more reasonable manner.
49, X. L. Ii.