The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-06-23
ABatch Of Smiles

A short time ago a commercial
traveller. who is a great wag, caused
some amusement in a we'll known no.
tel in Manchester.
On arriving at the hotel he made
his way to the office to register. As
ne gianced down the list of guests he
was seen TO smile, seize a pen, and
sign. Ills entry followed Immediate
~ that of Lord Benton and VALET
and read -. Barbary and valise."
mere is a certain type Of man with
Whom many people are familiar, who,
When In company. has always either
his tobacco pouch or mis-
lald ms cigar case. A variety. of.
hinge upo this character
lowing is as good as any:
A certain workman, notorious. for
ms sponging proclivities. met a friend
one morning and opened the CONVEX
sation by saying:
can We len us a. match, John?"
John having supplied him with the
match. the first speaker began to feel
ms pockets. ostentatiously. and then
remarked. dolefully: Man, I seem to
nave left my tobacco pouch at hame."
John. however, was equal to the
occasion. and, holding out his hand.
rennarked: ~
"Aweel. ye'l no be needin' that
A man who was dining in a village
motel gazed at the second course for
a moment. and then asked the waiter:
What is this leathery stuff?"
Ihat Is a filet of sole, SIR" replied
the waiter.
We'll. o may take it away" said
the diner. after attacking it with his
fork, land see If you can't get me a
nice, tender piece of upper, with the
buttons removed"
In certain parts of the far west,
where without irrigation the cultivat.
ors of the lane would be in bad way
indeed. the light rains that during the
growing season fall from time to
time are appreciated to a degree that
is unknown in the east.
Last summer a fruit grove who
owns fifty acres of orchards was re-
joicing in n Of these precipitations
of moisture. when his hired man
came into the house.
Why don't you stay in out OF the
rain?" asked the fruit man.
II don't mind a.little dew like this"
said the man. 81 can work along
Just the same"
oh. I'm not talking about that"
exclaimed the fruit man. THE next
time it rains. you com into the house.
l want that water on the land"
One of the ladies-in-waiting to the
late Queen Victoria had a very bright
little daughter about four years old,
and of whom the queen was very
fond.
The queen invited the child to have
lunch with her. OF course, the moth
err was highly pleased. and charged
the little girl to be very careful about
her table manners and to be very po-
lite to the queen.
The little girl came home in high
glee. and her mother asked her all
about the luncheon.
Were o a very polite little girl,
and did FOL remember to do all / told
YOU at the table," asked the proud
mother.
oh, yes. I was polite" said the
little girl. but the queen wasn't"
The queen wasn't" said the moth
er. Why. what did she do?"
She took her chicken bone up in
her fingers and I Just shook my finger
at her. like YOU do at me, and said:
Piggy, piggy.'",~ he--
A lawyer once asked a man who
had at various times sat on several
Juries: Who Influenced you most, the
lawyers, the witnesses or the judge?"
He expected to get some useful and
interesting information from so ex-
perienced a juryman. This was the
mans reply:
III tell Yer, sir, 'ow / makes up
my mind. I'm a plain mar and a rea-
sonin' man, and I amt influenced by
anything the. lawyers say nor by
what the witnesses say: no, nor by
what the judge says. I just looks at
the man in the dock and I says: If
he amt done nothing. why's he
there?' and I brings 'em all in guilty."
At the Haymarket one afternoon
recently a couple Of farmers stopped
to talk crops and horses.
Are you in the market for a good
horse?" asked one.
always ready to dicker," the other
answered.
Ever see that little bay mare of
mine?"
81 think l know the critter."
How'd you like to w her? She's
yours at rock bottom price"
Gathering up his lines preparatory
to leaving the spot, the other farmer
replied:
We'll, John. I'd buy her this morn