New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-03-30
BORE WATERS
LOndOner Would Put Time Limit
on After Dinner Talks.
HAS LISTENED TO $4,000
Twain and Depew Amused Him
Most-Scientists Tire
Table Servants.
from The Tribune's Correspondent

IRON me tribune = correspondent
London. March ee.-Many people doubt
if head walters are really human and
wonder whether they are. as a matter of
fact correct. animated statues. but proof
has just been given that they are human.
The head waiter AT one OF London's
principal hotels. who has listened 20 $4,000
after-dinncr speeches in his twenty-siN
years of service. has been moved 10 eX-
press his opinions on some Of the speak
crs and speeches. and his comments show
that head walters do feel human symp-
toms. Here are few Of his remarks
unedted)
at times these aftcr-dinner speeches
are very wearsome and boring, and I'm
getting tired Of II all now; but I've got
some happy recOllections Of after-dinner
speeches. Mark Twain. for instance. /
heard him on the last visit he paid T.
London. His face was hnc-he had such
kind eyes. such beautiful white hair, and.
oh what way with him when he got
up to speak. lie never smiled.
"He made joke-a Joke why il he
made one he made nfty that evening
Everybody laughed 80 much, ! think. At
the sober. serious way In which he told
his funny stories as at the stories. And
he could be so pathetic. He could bring
the tears to your eyes, and he did that
night when he spoke OF himself as an old
man putting out TO sea for perhaps the
last time. Not long after he reached his
home IN America he died.
II like Judge Rentoul. lie laughs at
his own jokes. but they are nearly all
good ones. He simply stands up and reels
them off without any EFFORT. You feel he
likes them himself, for after each one
he emacks his lips. That makes YOU like
them. too.
Lord Rosebery is q little too hard
for me to understand. love the sound
Of his voice better than the things he
says I'm not quite educated mp to Rose
berry Mir Grniths. the American Consul
General In London. is one Of the best
after-dinner speakers His slight twang
is nice to hear and his stories are very
funny. only one fault. he speaks a little
too long. OF course, nobody but me OBJ
jected To that
"Of the politicians. not counting Lord
Rosebery, ] like Mr.. Birrell best. He
speaks slowly. and his eyes seem TO say
something funny. / always had feeling
about Mr.. Birrell that though / might not
be able 10 see the point Of his stories
knew they were the real thing. His face
is so kind and twinkling with fun.
THE best after-dinner speaker in Amer
lea. Chauncey Depew. used to interest me.
He was very American and very witty.
His Jokes were broad enough for any one
to see. He liked to hear people laughing
al what he said The more they laughed
the better he spoke He had az many
good stories as Judge Rentou. think.
"Mostyn Pigott's n little bit too deep
for me. ! may be wrong but though |
like to hear him after dinner, | feel his
Jokes are always at somebody. and he's
inclined TO be sarcastic
zone Of the briefest after-dnner speak
ers Is W. w. Jacobs. Five minutes IS
about his time. lie never talks about
bargees. remember him at one dinner
saving that all you needed TO become
famous writer was penny bottle OF ink.
a halfpenny pen and a small fortune In
nennv stamps TO cover the cost Of return
ing manuscripts.
But those are the good ones. The
others bore me very much. | don't like
scientists. They are always explaining
something they have made quite clear In
one sentence beginning that is To say
of the others the worst are those who
laugh at their own Jokes before any one
else has seen them. ] think there ought
to be a time limit for most after-dinner