davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

ND now more victims Of the
~ dreaded mercury tablet have
- been daily awaiting a death
that at last came. We are
hasty people of the twentieth century.
We take enormous RISKS.
On the streets. in automobiles, IN
catching cars, there Is daily record OF
mishaps-aI because of hurry and
THOUGHTLESSNES We can't bear
to see a car pass us, although there
may be one We want Immediately be-
hind it.
The meaning of DANGER is minim-
lied in the mad rush. The stop-look-
and-listen signs are but a part Of the
regular equipment, and We see them
not-not until something HAPPENS.
Then we grow wary and wisdom fol-
lows.
Yet sometimes the odds are against
one am one realizes It Is TOO LATE to
lock the stable door. The horse is gone.
How long are we going to leave ajar
the medicine chest. that he who runs
may take therefrom?
How long are We going to place side
by side poisons and harmless potions.
medicines for inward use and those for
external use?
How long are we going to expose
those near and dear to us to making
mistakes that can NEVER be rectified
Who Is TO blame, you ask? All con-
cerned are at fault. We do things too
much out of breath.
Little woman of the home, you who
arrange your curtains and your furni-
turs and your various other things In
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
YUAN SHIH.KAI AND CHINA.

81 am the state seems to be the motto of Yuan
Shih-ka, President of China precisely as it is of
Huerta. He has entered upon the highly eficacious
program of suppressing disaffection with his rule,
by the process of executing everybody who expresses
disaffecton, or who is suspected of feeling it. He
has seized control of the national army, revenues
government, all of which brought into existence
by the revolution and is using them to undo all the
works of the revolution. He has undertaken to SUBJ
sttue his own absolute will for every other consid-
Grafton, and he is proving precisely the friends
of liberty feared he would, vastly more cruel yrant
than were the weak and vacillatng Manchus.
Hated and feared by the old dynasty which he
betrayed; feared and hated by the new regime
which likewise he betrayed it is impossible to be-
lieve that Yuan long retain his position He is
doing everything possible in that direction by cutting
off the Heads of everybody he suspects of having
brains and patriotism and courage enough to be a
possible menace to his program. But in a country
as big Chine there is always the possibility that he
will overlook somebody strong and able enough to
cope with him.
Yuan has been the sinister figure in this whole
Chinese puzzle from the beginning If he continues
on his there seems to be no alternative save
that of interference from outside, precisely as there
can be no stopping intervention in Mexico if Huerta
undertakes to 60 too far In the of China Japan
would be the logical power to assume as trustee
for civilization and the worlds police authority, the
task of dealing with the usurper, precisely in Mex
leo the United States is the obvious authority to as
sumo the same role ..-...,,-
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
GETTING EVEN WITH sULZER.

There is good deal of foolishness in this talk
from New York about putting Sulzer on back seat
at Albany, preventing him from taking any consider
able part in legislative affairs and the like. Suzer
and John Hennessy very likely to be exceedingly
useful citizens during the legislative session.
They managed to tell enough about Tammany to in
Huence good many thousands of votes in New York,
city and State. If what they said was so influential
and there is to believe that Mr. Sulzer as
legislator, will suddenly lose the power of speech.
Efforts to put gag on him would be as futile as
they would be senseess. Sulzer was elected largely
because his people wanted to put him where he
would have chance to tell his story in connection
with the general investigation of State affairs that
expected to be leading work of the next assembly
Then there are intimations of plan to exclude
Sulzer from his seat the ground that he commit
ted crime in making false report Of his campaign
expenses. The community will have little sympathy
with any such highfautn' morality as that. Sulzcr
has been punished for that wrong and punished as
no other man ever was for a like offense. Perhaps
prosecution in the courts would hold but the fact
remains that the public thinks he has had all the
punishment he is entitled to suffer. Efforts further
dound to the injury of his prosecutors. Gentlemen
who took part in his impeachment and trial, and who
are retired from public life by the voters prob
ably realize how the people feel Others, who have
survived and now talk about further persecution of
the deposed executive, apparently have their lesson
yet to learn.
The last thing In the public interest, that ought
to be done for Sulzer is to make martyr of him.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Of
IN MAN. hath found him ou 4cs-s qGsle-
corning
~.
a babe
VIII is SOL unint an
he a
be
OTHER
interesting"
knew q Of
eric
admirable"
t in
that which SURMIsE.
to be a
a
thouar such a
Andb for
but
ainst hm. and 10
crying:
isn'tth
satisfied
COMPLIMENT n a
seeking
o a
in
deceive himself
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
INCOME TAX PUZZLES.

Income tax problems will continue to vex the
public for long time. The Government ought to
designate somebody having the knowledge to explain
and decide points in dispute among lawmakers and
lawyers.
There are dozens of such questions and each
question should be taken up specifically and deter
mined with clear illustration and concrete example.
For instance, if a man having $4,000 and buying
house with it, then selling it within the year for
$4,000, must count his $1,000 of profit as income,
then
Suppose a man, instead of buying house for
$4,000, already has one which he thinks is worth
$4,000 and sells it for $4,000, is $1,000 of the
cash property into which he converted his real prop
erty to be counted as income? Or whether it is or
isn't
Suppose man having house sells it for $4,000
and puts the proceeds into $4,000 of bonds selling
above par will the ST. 900 of difference between the
face value of his house and the par value at which
the bonds will be ultimately redeemable be some
thing that he subtract from his income, under the
law as deduction for loss?" And if il is or if it
isr't-
Suppose man has house which he thinks is
worth only $4,000, but he able to trade it for
$4,000 of bonds must he the $1,000 difference
of face value in the bonds income for that year?
And if he must or if he need not
Suppose a man has house which he values at
$4,000 and which produces for him net income of
5000; suppose he sells the house for $4,000 and
with the proceeds buys twelve one-thousand-dollar
per cent bonds, yielding only $3.50 year on the
$4,000, as against the 5000 year before yielded
on the $4,000; why, then in making out his income
tax list shall he figure that he has made gain Of in
come-as represented by the $4,000 of profit for
which he sold the house-or that he has suffered a
loss of income as represented by the lower return to
him from his property-the bonds-than from his
other property-the house?
So the Government should have somebody stand
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
Little Fables of
Every Day Folks
The Learner Uplifter.
By SOPHIE IRENE LOEB.

~ NCE upon time there was q
learned lady. That is to say
~ having few money bags, she
wished to convey that impres.
sion. Every time q subject came up
no matter what It was, she knew al
about II. Often she had q smatterine
knowledge Of It, but tried to make hel
hearers believe that she knew all
about it.
sToward that end, she used manv big.
unfamiliar words which were natur.
ally left undisputed. So that. in the
vernacular, often she got away with
She belonged to various organizations
and things whose excuses for exist
ence ranged from cooking to parlances
on philosophy: In Nali Of which sne par
leyed her way.
Sometimes, by the unsuspecting, she
was welcomed, and thus had some fol-
lowing. As a usual thing in present.
day anairs, such learned women as
sumo the role Of reformers. and their
great cry is to 'uplift humanity" (what-
ever that may mean.
Therefore, she was In the unlifting
busines full-blast. She had opinions on
every phase of 1t. and backed them up
with such scientific terms as "eugenic
analysis" and all the what-nots that
go to make up the program of REFORM
ing.
So 1t came to pass that one rainy
Thursday this learned lady, with the
sigh OF the martyr, gave up a delight
full entertainment and betook herself
to the ''slums" (as she termed it,, to
hold forth In the uniting game. The
subject Of discussion was a living
wage" and several hundred workers
were on hand to hear the learned lady,
She arose on the platform arrayed in
a lovely black velvet dress, a diamond
brooch at her throat, and a five-dollar
belt bouquet, and proceeded to tell the
assemblage how, with economy, they
could live on a certain sum per week.
She went on to talk about Spending
money foolishly." etc.
Whereupon a little woman arose and
asked her a few QUESTIONS about the
cost Of such living as these people were
accustomed to-which she could not an
swer. This woman was one who had
spent MANY YEARS at the head OF
workers. She knew. There was no
guesswork nor high-sounding words in
She came to earth with its earthly
needs. She suggested ways and means
that bore the mark Of long EXPERT
ENCE. She ACCOMPLISHED some
thing. The learned lady had all theory
woman got to the root Of the trouble
by suggesting q plan that was adopted
in direct opposition to the will-o' the
wisp. idealic suggestions Of the
learned lady.
The learned one went away a little
"huffed." She knew she had FAILED
where she had believed her very pres
ence would settle EVERYTHING. But
these people. who are close to the truth
of things, readily realized that this
lady had but used her head and not
her heart. She lost. but gained per-
haps a little wisdom in that IL one
wants to be a reformer AN OUNCE
OF PRACTICE IS WORTH POUND
OF PREACHING.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
The Modern Maid.

TT was getting late at night when the
servant girl returned home from the
u shops with various domestic Dur.
chases- As she explained the trans
actions to her mistress she cried out sud-
denly: There! II haven't forgotten
the am an eggs for breakfastr'
That's pity" observed the mistress,
but added. with kindly philosophy:
Never mind. The shops will all be
SHUT now. We shall have to manage In
the morning with bread and butter and
r'armaIade." The girl. started. "And
what shall I have?" she inquired.
Weil. Ellen, suppose you'n have the
same as we do" replied the mistress.
Yes. Mrs. X" responded Ellen. with
some severity, but let me tell you, I
can't do my work unless I'm properly
fed.'-Manchester Guardian.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
HARD LUCK.

HARD LUCK.
Jehosophat!
Am an unlucky guy;
Ny cup of i'll fortunes complete:
/ run for a car --.
And q bunch of them are
just fading away up the street.
I purchase a hat;
1t is speedily sat
On (three hundred, the sitter will
weigh;
get q new suit
And the rain gins to shoot
From the heavens the very same day.
If anything falls
From the ceiling or walls,
1t is certain to land upon I,
As I've taken pain
Up above to explain,
I'm a rather unfortunate guy.
BIG BILL
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
NO JOB FOR HIM!

John A. Hennessy, the man who did more of il
than any other man in New York. announces, while
everybody is wondering what job is big enough to
compensate him, that he will take no position in the
public service. He doesn't want job
The politicians will perchance marvel at this atti
tude Of sef-effacement and modesy. That is largely
because the politicians never could quite understand
the rodesy and ingrowing retrefulness of the news
paperman. H..
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
"NATIONAL SIGNIFICANCE"

The real national significance of the elections is
that the country hasn't seen any hobgoblins to get
scared about and that there is nothing in politics
legislation, accomplished or pending, to interfere
with getting down to business and doing Christ
mas shopping early.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
Ready to 0bIioe.

s. TITLE JOHN. vizitins neishbor.
was given q piece Of bread and
- butter. relates the Pittsburxh
Dispatch.
Thank you. ma,am." he said POLITELY.
The gfver bcamed upon him.
That's right, John" she said spprov-
iEgiy. II like to hear little boys say
Thank you"
Johns answering smile took on an In
sinuating nature.
III you want to hear me say Il again.
he sweetly suggetsed. you might put
some jam on my bread"
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
THIS THAT
AUCTION BRIDGE.
with Sometimes q Little Of the otAss

The Etiquette Of It-A DEPRESSION.
When you are holding tpos and treys
And pery little higher,
Ana had been holding them for dogs
And months, and decades prior
"hen your so-poor opponents stotno
Along on just prayer,
ana 'o'"-dnd you can't do q thing,
Although dandy player
When that yonr partner falls aslee,.
On purpose. to impede you;
When he has, say, forgot to Keep
A little spade to lead you
When he distributes round the place
A constant line of chatter;
When that he blithely trun,ps your ace
And says It doesn't ndtter-
What time said partners mind, alas.
Is on the Laurel races,
And II he never fails to pass
When holding hundred aces-
When any partner you may choose
Turns out a Prince of Sinners;
Whe" thot you everlasting lose,
And oil the rest are sotnxers-
Do not 90 up into the air,
And 0sue demonstration;
Remain, prdy, upon your chair,
Whoteer the propocation.
Continue calm, and stoeetly emile
At those around the table:
BE nice and pleasant all the .phle-
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

An Oklahoma paper asks: Does
fishing make man a liar. or do only
liars fish," We think II must be the
former; we know several politicians who
never drop a hook in water.-Memphis
Commercial Appeal.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
No, We Don't See.

G. S. X: Did you notice that Mr.
Offutt defeated the Prohibition candi
date here? Offutt-Prohibition-
Rockville. NJ X
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Milwaukee is to have a night school
for inexperienced wives. They are to be
taught the art of household manage
ment, and 1t is expected that Manage
ment of a Husband will be one of the
first lessons.-Macon Telegraph.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Our idea Of utter helplessness is the
condition superlnduced by tho twelfth
hour discovery that ones full dress
studs are missing.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

When a young woman calls herself
a bachelor maid she wants it understood
that she needn't be If she wouldn't
Albany Journal.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Though it came beneath our observa-
ton. NJ. j., that Messrs. Mount and
Stabler were elected to the House OF
Dels from your county.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

About the only thing that will pull
the average boy back to the farm is to
read in the county paper that Dad has
just invested in a siXty-hoursepower au-
omObile.-Philadelph Inquirer
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Why column conductors become her.
mits: DO you write verse directly on
the typewriter"
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

The Boss says that the Mn vh~
Accepts . Position" and the Cfocfr.
Watcher are one and the sAmo Por-
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
From the Post. ~

Colored Circular Round Disks. Of
Course?
(From the ".Post.")
Richard Garfield, prominent a few
years ago in a profession that had to
do with white marbles and colored cir
cular disks
And dentist adverts that at an
early date he will be glad to see his
friends and patients"
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Majority OF Lee Is 3o,00o."-The Star
Whaddye~ mean the majority of HIM
And 5000 what?
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

-HEREs no Disgrace in sIsnaline
for . Tug-but IT'S Good to See
" . Ship that Comes IN under her
own sail!
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
Hits From Sharp Wits.

An Arkansas convict dug his way
through a two-foot stone wall with a
teaspoon. What couldn't he have done
with a ashovel?-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

II takes Maturity . Long Tsms A
Live Down Youths posturing - . Dil-
sipated Vfvvle.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Great stuff! If nobody objects WI
shall suspend this pounding palladium
Thanksgiving day.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Some Of the modern fashions reveal
the pink Of perfection.-Columbia State
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Secretary Joe Tumulty," heralds
the Herald" is wearing one of those
nonirradicable smiles these days"
Wearing it irregardlessly, too.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

When We Take to Speaking Bfttarfv
about Fair Weather Friends- its =
Sign. perhaps. that we've Bsgun 70
Dislike to Stand upon our own Lerss
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

II a man is going to make a row
about every crazy new fashion he will
have q life job.-Chicago News,
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Hush! HUSH, If you feel that way
we'll run it,
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Imitation may be the sincsrest y9sfs
tery-but Initiative has the Notorl
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Count that day odd, aud off the beaten
line,
That Hue1tu does not sag he toont re-
sign.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

The postmen of this village will b
given a holiday on Thanksgiving ii
nobody objects
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
Good Stories
Broke Up the Game.

HVY ILIIE Hn3Iiy perSuaded Ms
nv aunt to play train with him,
" says the Illinois Central EN-
ployes Magazine. The chairs
were arranged In line. and then he said:
Now. you be the engineer and III be
the conductor. Lend me your watch and
get up into your cab He then hurried
down the platform. timepiece In hand.
Pull out. there. VOC red-headed. pie
focec 5ay! he shouted to the astonish-
ment of the young woman
why. Wnhe! she exclaimed IN
amusement
That's right: chew the rag" he ~
torted. Psll out We're fiys minutes.
late already.
They have had to forbid his playing
down by the tracks
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Special notice: Members Of the
Mecombs Club desiring to contrib
ute to a fund to purchase an en-
gagement present for William F.
McCombs, president of tho club,
may forward their checks to this
column. So may those who don't.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
It's a Comedy of Ill Ones.

Sir: Why not: Peg o. My Heart-'A
Comedy of Manners"
NJ NJ NJ
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Col'm four Of THE WASHINGTON
TIMES editorial page reprints Saxe's
Tho brfehess Barrister.'' wherein
matter" Is made to rhyme with
water" A rhymation. though We say
1t who shouldn't, that could never
have occurred one column to the left
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

No uss Telling the Harpoonsd Ma
Coming to him"-He Knows II!
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
What's on tie Program IN
Washington Today

Meetings. evening:
MasoLic-Naval Lodge. No. & Hiram,
No. TO- Lafayette. No. 10, and Will
liam r. Singleton, No. 80; monthly
meeting. Masonic Board OF Relief:
Esther Chapter. No. s. Order of the
Eastern Star.
Odd Feilows-Columbia Lodge, No. 10,
Excelsior. No. II. and Salem. No. -
X. o. T. M.-Georgetown Tent, No. 6,
Odd Fellows Hall. Georgetown; Dis
trict Tent. No. & Mariners Hall, foot
of Seventh street.
Modern woodmen of America-visit of
A. I. Talbot. Odd Fellows HaI. ssv-
enth street
Knights of Pythias-Franklin Lodge.
No. 2; J. T. Coldwell Company. No. I,
Uniform Rank.
National Union-w. H. Collins Coun-
ell. Schmidt's Hall
Study In Economics-"District Suf-
frage." Ingram Church. Tenth street
and Massachusetts avenue northeast
Health talks by DIR. Charles E. Barker,
under auspices Of Y. N. Z. A--Truck
Company. No. =, II a. m; Eleventh
street car barn. p. m; National
Training School for Boys, Bladens.
burg road. p. m, and Y. NJ. C. A.
dormitory. $50 p. m.
Lecture on ''The Philosophy Of Cicero"
by the Rev. william Turner, ID. D..
assembly room. Mcmahon Hall, Cath
ole University. 40 p. m
Meeting Of Drama Study Club. Of
Washington Center of Drama League.
children's room, Public Library, s:lS
p. m.
Ladies' night by Columbia Lodge,
No. 10. I. D. .. F.
Address by Miss L. F. Bigelow. Of the
Gales Barber School. before the An
thony League, the Portner pariors.
tonight.
Story telling by Miss Lillian N. Lathrop,
Public Library, 3:45 p. m.
Third lecture on contracts before the
Washington Chapter, American Insti-
tute Of Banking, 1914 street north.
west S:15 p. m.
Amusements.
National-"The Argyle Case" s:l6 ,. m.
Belasco-"Peg o. My Heart" sis D. m.
Columbia-"Mrs. Mat Plummer," s:f5
and Sis p. m.
Polrs-"Strongheart," SIS and rs ..
m.
Keith's-yaudeville. s:15 and 8 :i5 D. m.
Cosmos continuous.
Casino-Vaudeville, continuous.
Academy-"Lavender and Old Laea
ais and S:15 p. m
Gsysty-Ruriesaue. 2;1l and s:1l y %.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Get the Grievances out Of your eyD.
tenn before Mental Gangrens sets RI
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

The only Mute. Inglorious Gilton"
we Ever Net was Fellow Who Per.
mitted his Sisters to Support him BY
Taking IN DreogmalIingi
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Yesterday We Net . Serene and Sue
cessful Man who Did Ten Years In
Sing Sing-and we're Afraid Yet that
that Fellow 10 Gotng to Sen a. some
Life luSurauces
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

II you drink to the happiness o
Prexy McCombs you are aware wha
that drink should be. Of course.
Must we? Sloe gin.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06
'Optimettes
TAs sYasAsms's sts1 o. a. yol.
W1esevsv ths CIouds Hog SeyI
By CLARENCE u CuIL1N

S>-~~~-~re~s--~~
-HEREs no Disgrace in signaline
for . Tug-but rs Good to See
u Ship that Comes IN under hsr
own sail!
Imitation may be tie sincerert ylss.
tsry-but Initiative has the Motor!
When we Take to speaking Bfttsrfv
about Fair Weather FriendS' it'e =
sign. perhapa that we've Bsgun to
Dasaike 70 ssand upon our own Lsgs'
The Boss says that the Nan vhu
Accepts Position" and the C4ocfp.
Watcher are one and the samS Pr.
son!
II takes Maturity . Long Tina 10
Live Down Youths po0turing - 3 DiS-
sipated Vfvvie!
No No Sss Telling the H.rlcoasd Ma
Coming to him"-He Knows Il!
Get the Grievances out Of your eys-
tenn before Mental Gangrens sets ft
Apolosiss-eut Avoid the ApoIosisins
Habit!
Most stand-Pattism 10 Sort Of SUBJ
iimated Conceit!
Yesterday We Net Serene sud Sue
cessful Man who Did Ten Years In
Sing 6ing-and we're Afraid Yet that
that Fellow b Going to Sen ~ some
Life Insurance.!
You can Shade your Rival withous
Swatfing him!
The only Mute, Inglorious Milton"
We Ever Net was Fellow Who Per.
mitted his Sisters to Support him by
Taking IN Dressmakingi
When we Hear Young Fellow speak
ing the Hubafyat Of Omar Khayzam
we Have . Hunch that he has . Habit
o. Reporting pretty often at the Once
with Q Head!
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

You can Shade your Rival witheus
SWatting him!
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

,Apclosiss-sut Avoid the Apoaosisins
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

Most stand-Pattism l. Sort Of Sub
linnated Conceit!
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

As long as you are able.
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

When we Hear Young Fellow speak
ing the Hubafyaf Of Omar Khayzam
We Have . Hunch that he has Habit
o. Reporting pretty often at the once
with q Head
The Washington times., 1913-11-06

~ NCE upon time there was q
learned lady. That Is to say.
~ having few money bags, she
wished IN convev that fruprea-