The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-04-16
PERILOUs VOYAGE
OF THE PLATFORM

from the Gridiron Club at its annual /
spring dinner in Washington Saturday |
night In the presence Of members Of
the diplomatic corps. members of Con-
gress and many distinguished figures
in public life they took good natured |
grilling which was hearty welcome
after all. The correspondents, in song
and jest. drew back the curtain TO dis
close the pitfalls that beset any ad- |
ministration and show the foib1es, the
weaknesses and the virtues of states
men.
A scene from genuine melo-drama,
''The Democratic Lighthouse" convey
ed in thrilling fashion the warning to
the tariff makers OF the dangers that
lie in their pathway. In the lighthouse
upon the rock was fought the battle
between the principles OF pure demo-
cracy and the enemies in and out Of
the party.
HOKE SMITH
'"Tis a bitter night" declared Hoke
Smith, a fisherman. amid shower Of
stage snow. For sixteen years demo-
cratic light has been dark, but now
old Bill Bryan's coming back to be-
keeper Of the light"
Champ Clark, another fisherman,
learned that without enthusiasm; and
declared he never liked that fellow.
Said he: Il tried to ride a trick mule
in Baltimore and was just about to
win the prize when old Bill Bryan
slipped a burr under the saddle" There
had been wrecks off the black coast
while the light was out, said Champ.
'tThe G. o. p. liner Taft is but a hulk
on Protection Rock. The mizzentop of
he ri DR. oh
above Bull Moose Shoals, and the swift
clipper. Uncle Joe,' lies whitening on
the strand, all lost for lack of light,
not cash. Now. however, the wreckers
have been driven off by the coast
guard. headed by Oscar Underwood and
McAdoo, though the formers protec-
tfon is merely incidental.
WILSON OWNER OF SHIP
Keeper Bryan arrives with his
daughter, Tariff, and receives tele-
gram. The message from Woodrow
Wilson, owner Of the sailing brig "T.
Jefferson Platform out of Baltimore
with cargo Of democratic measures, in
formed the keeper that the vessel was
due at Port Revenue that night, and
begged that the light be kept burning
30 bring her in safely as the country
demanded her freight. Gloomy were
the representations OF the coast guard
and keeper and fishermen. McAdoo re-
marked of the platform, Every four
years she departs on a new cruise.
loaded. to the guards, but she never
brings all her cargo to port"
Bryan: AYE, there's always story
OF storms at sea, and they throw the
cargo overheard to save the crew
Once she was taken from me, who had
commanded her three times, by an Oy-
ster Bay pirate. He filled her with false
hopes, put Bill Taft in command and
then seuttled her.
During the temporary absence of the
other men, the william enters in the
person of Penrose Smoot who seeks to
e1ope with Miss Tariff but is s1ugged
and driven of by coastguard Oscar I'M
derwood.
UNDERWOOD SAYS VILLAIN
He returns, however. to put out the
light and wreck the incoming ship,
overcomes Keeper Bryan in a terrific
struggle, but is slain in duel by I'm
derwood. The safe arrival of the
Platform is announced, but alas on
board was none of the democratic
cargo; not Tariff Revision" nor Cur
rency Reform" nor the Seven Sisters"
nor Philippine Independence" nor
Revised Sherman Law" nor Free
Canal Tolls" nor Civil Service Re-
FORM" but only 5000 office seekers.
Keeper Bryan: Mr.. President, what
shall we do?''
President Kaufman CATER whisper
ing with President Wilson,: president
and scuttle her"
nil oRA
seekers on night light this"
Scarcely had the guests settled back
to dinner before disorder arose thru
the imperative and noisy demands for
admission into the hall and into mem
bership into the Gridiron Club of two
CONVERSATIONAL Fl. Patchfn of the
New York Herald and Thomas +.
Logan of the Philadelphia Inquirer. In
accordance with custom they were in
itiated in the presence of the company,
the ceremony taking the form OF a
practical examination Of the candi-
dates in reportoriaI work
Testing his general information, one
was asked where the democratic party
is mentioned in Scripture. to which he
replied: ''In the book of Psalms, The
Wild Asses did stand in high places,
they shifted up the wind like dragons;
their eyes did fall, because there was
no grass
Are the progressives mentioned any
where?'
Yes, in the book OF Hosea, they are
all hot as an oven. and have devoured
their judges. they have sown the wind,
and they shall reap the whirlwind."
AS to the republican party?"
In the revised version, prepared by
DR.. Roosevelt, the Psalmist says: "rhe
wrath OF the people came upon them.
and slew the latest Of them"
CHIMES OF NORMANDY
The musical feature OF the evening
was a parody upon the Chimes of
Normandy" in this instance replaced by
the Liberty Bell" Like the original
chimes this bell was supposed to ring
out only upon the return to his castle.
Gin this case the White House) OF the
rightfui heir, ''Mr. Jeffersonian Democ-
racy, something of philosopher, some
thing of a political economist. some
thing Of an orator and something of
an historian (of course the likeness
being to President WILSON, but above
all the patriot who loves the liberty
bell OF 1916"
In musical rhyme il was told how
the Liberty Bell had been silent and
vigilance slept while men chased the
dollars, and around gathered the grim
spectres who would mot depart until
they heard the bell. These ghosts
spoke for themselves, too, as follows:
First Ghost:
THE ghost of high protection,
Once he ran the shop.