Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-10-28

Dakota farmer who had no faith In
banks lost $1,000 when his house
burned. The man who keeps so much
money about the house would prob
ably need more than one lesson like
that to prove to him that banks are
safe.
A Few Laughs. !
An Old Song.
I'm fond of Annie Laurie"
A ballad I've liked long,
Though I'll admit it's not hit
Nor yet 'bearcat" song.
1t isn't strong in London town
Or with the Broadway bunch
In gay Paree they all agree
1t hasn't any punch.
It isn't sung in music halls
guess my tastes are wrong.
I'm just mutt In music, but
like an old time song.
Nice Statistics.
II find the professors statistics stu.
pid."
II don't. He told me that there were
400 billion people In the world and that
I was the prettiest girl In the lot"
Looked Suspicious.
Look out for those new neighbors.
[ know thew will he chronic borrowers.
why so?'
They let our kid beat their kid with.
out murmur."
Pooling the Wives.
II gotta get home quick. Ny wife
will give me fits for being late for
dinner without an excuse"
"You ought to lay your plans bet
ter. My wife doesn't know yet that
the baseball season is over"
Suburban New Workers.
The man who brags about New York
And sings an endless ditty.
Is usually from Stamford, Conn.
Or else from Jersey City.
Her Ambition.
my wife complains that she Is
nearly freezing in the mountains"
"she has been away all summer,
Why on earth doesn't she come home.
"She wants to be sure that she stays
away longer than any woman in her
set."
Second Best
Algernon why do you call on me?''
Mabel has dropped me-"
well, you needn't expect me to pick
you up"
Knew What to Expect.
From stray Stories.
= Husband lat IL p. M Well, good
night, you fellows. am going home
to vegetarian supper"
What do you mean by that?" asked
one of the company.
4 well my wife said that IL l was not
1t home by 10 o'clock she would give
ne beans"
An Exhibition.
From Detroit Free Press.
Have you seen NAMES engagement
ring?"
'tOf course! Did you have an idea
that she was making an effort to hide
IT,
More Trouble.
Clothes for dogs is the latest wrin.
Item.
I surely lie getting decidedly rough,
This matter of buttons and toys.
Poor father thought mother had but.
tons enough
And now they have buttons for dogs.
It's truly annoying, the way fashion
goes;
She always takes some foolish tack.
Now dad. in addition to his other woes,
Must button the pup up the back.
Useless InformatIon.
Wheelbarrows are unknown in Ice
and.
Borneo exports no ice cream.
In Chicago Hills cigar stumps are
brown away every hour.
The average number OF oysters In a
stew Is three.
Indiana produces 1000 dialect poems
Ter month.
A Joy Rider.
"Well, low is my son getting along
It college? Is he burning the midnight
,;l7"
NO" answered the professor brief.
y, gasoline"
A Late Call.
PA, why were you rude to Mr..
last night? 1t may have
been a trife late when you met him
yoing out, but you needn't have In
suited him.
How did insult him? / merely
asked him if he wouldn't stay to
Stretched Him Some.
why Is the dachshund so elon.
,ated?"
"I've heard tradition to the effect
hat the ark pulled out with his front
EGGS on board and his hind legs on
shore"
Playing Both. Ends.
Fl shall have a farewell series In
America" explained the prominent
actress.
and then you will retire from the