The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1913-09-18
MUSGRA YES
MEDLTAHONS

The unexpected came 10 pass ~
Arnettsville Thursday. The w. {
T. U. (Women Can Terrtfy undouht-
odly) had a meeting. There was
plenty to eat and an abundance to
lear. Water was the only visible
beverage. The unexpected event was
. defense of Mrs. Pankurst, the shall
low shellbark suffragettG of Eng
land. Is there a scarcity Of worthy
heroines that makes it necessary TO
defend deluded, distracted dame?
The governor OF Ohio has solved
the high cost OF living by eating
sparrow pie. This is certainly bet
ter than q diet Of crow.
We have decided that the best
thing Abe Martin ever wrote is the
statement that ut takes a girl with
a college education to misspell her
first name" What do you think OF
that Mae, Mabclle, and Misslauree?
The papers state that there are
more than 100000 farmers in the
United States using the telephone
Don't the farmers wives use them
any?
One county in Georgia has 10000
acres planted in fig trees. The
leaves may be useful when the slit
skirts are discarded.
Perhaps the apple trees are rest
ing this year in order that they may
double their efforts next year
when cider ascends alCOhol's throne.
An inventor has constructed a
new type of vacuum bottle that can
be taken entirely apart for cleaning
Can that vacuum at Morgantown'
the West Virginia University, be
manipulated In like manner:
A wicked Ohio editor says that
sometimes the height of fashion is
too low in the neck, yet he is oppos-
ed to a low tariff on collars, silks
and fine linen.
A New Yorke ditor declares that
a lie cannot live forever. Several
are going to live at least half that
long.
A European philosopher actually
admits that he would rather know
that hce knows nothing than to feed
himself on illusions. Had he not
been so far away he would doubt
less have attended the recent can
ming demonstration at Georgetown.
A renowned regulator of the hui
man race says that every woman
either may, can. must, might, could,
would or should get married.
The American people have their
peculiarities. They legislatC against
the immigration Of foreigners and
strain cevry nerve to force shallow
samples like Harry Kau(l0ppcr Thaw
TO return.
1t is thought by those who have
given the matter some study that
the recent rains will affect the pas
lures fully as much as the moon
will.
The Bull Moose party lost its tail
in Maine, its heart in Maryland and
now 1t is about to lose its head H.
West Virginia.
The people of Fairmont would not.
permit one of their own ministers to
speak. plainly 10 them, therefore
they imported one and paid him
nineteen prices to inform them OF
things which they already knew.
An odorless onion is about to he
introduced. The next thing viii
perhaps be girlless telephones.
Here is something from that emil
nent astronomer Garrett p. ServlSS
that far surpasses the best efforts OF
Billy Sunday:
i"Blank. stpuid ignorance yet
blights millions Of minds. The
great duty of all who are fortunate
enough to possess a little light is to-
spread it. Educate yourself, help a.
hest you can to educate others, and
you will be making the best use of
your life and will render a return Of
the days of Nero impossible"
S. c. MUSGRAVE.
Hagans, W. Va.