New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-05-05
AS | WAS SAYING

Every day brings us nearer the Gettysburg cele-
bration and already the air is filed with reminis
cences so that we feel free to add our own we
shall however he veracious When the hring
ceased on the last of those terrible days and
search Of the field made, not single, tiniest
atom Of us could be found. The fact IS We were
not living Horrible, Woo-woo! But wait till we
recover our widows back pension!
There is ioy and thanksgiving in Berlin over the
discovery that palladium will cure obesity. as a
great many more boys can now he crowded into the
army Besides, the army will gain in efficiency.
After this when German field marshal orders an
infantry charge, far less difficulty will be experl-
enced in procuring enemy patient enough to wait
for it.
Il is cheerful TO observe that in Ambassador
Pages absence President Wilson is writing The
Worlds Work" for him-not without humor. Even
finds room for the gifted Hibernian who, when
asked What are you doing Pat, digging hole!
replied deferentially: NO. sir; diggn' the dirt an
lawn the hoe"-the same Hibernian, in fact. VINO
labored so long and diligently "lettn' tn dark
out ~ tn cellar"
Now, considering the senstiveness OF proud
high spirited race this might seem an awful mas
erection on the Presidents part Not bit OF H.
Irishmen glory in their mental alterations. They
Of such stupidities say 9TH length iv tn rule
an tn length ~ a hammer. an tn length ~ a
brick" quite properly, too. We have often enVied
the Irish especially that admired friend Of ours
who "shivered so hard that he was all In a per-
spiraton,"
Fortunately, Hbernicsm is not wholly matter
Of birth II can be acquired. II was we who per-
narrated a cherry red @ Holstein @ calf right in
the very first paragraph Of story, and shortly
after We had set up as agricultural know-it-all
DO we blush for that calf? Not much AS the
trainer Of Esau. the Ape Man would have said. he
is the only specla Of his kind" Hurrah for us!
Time somebody remarked that freedom OF Neech
is not every thing. there are subjects best re-
lieyed with "a few brilliant flashes OF silence"
When the moment arrives for calling spades, call
EN-. But not habitually and beverage. Just
for change leave EN- lay"
Funny that retired schoolmaster should not
know how TO manage California; Suspend the little
rascal for period of three years. Then, when
japan casts him off In disgust make him eligible TO
citizenship
Maxim Ritz Paaun, who has returned after year
in Paris only to be confronted anew with the fool
art and the fool fashions she survived over there
IT'S ever thus What Paris discards. America picks
up This explains Why is expatrate7 Be-
cause he is afraid TO come home
When the humorist dies II Is difficult TO NOPE
properly So also when the dog dies and for the
same reason. Reporting the decease OF Bobby Bur
laps Mr. william Leavitt Stoddard writes: His
soul is now chasing heavenly rabbits and lodging
ethereal skunks." We mourn his loss yet mrth-
fully withaI We camped with Bobby. Nvidly we
recall the night he rudely accosted cat. Turned
out not TO be a respectable cat so we tied him up
next day in the extreme background and avoided
him Toward evening Bobby burst his bonds and
repaired to his masters tent, where he devoured
two coats a sweater and half mattress. Then II
WAS that we listened to philosophy. Poor wretch.
sighed his master. Simply told himself Nobody
loves me- Everybody hates me. May as well take
one more drink and go TO hell?
Here is the quaint old Saturday Review growl-
ing because Americans admit pleasure when intro
duced TO strangers We shall remember this When
We are called upon to meet THE Saturday Re-
viev' wild horses will be unable to rob us of our
secret.
Come I'm any time. Films changed daily Those
who entered by the middle paragraph may keep
their seats and repair the disgrace. r. L. H.