davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05

why are you so gloomy" asked
the mans friend You ought to be
cheerful Here you have been shot
at by jealous husband who mistook
you for another man and you have
escaped without a scratch because the
bullet was stopped by your pocket
Bible. given to you by your mother.
You're mighty lucky. it seems to me. ="
Eyes but | have no stunt of any
kind, 20 there's no chance for me to
take advantage of the advertising I've
got. l can't, go into vaudeville
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
Guarding Against Group,

The best safeguard against Group
bottle of Foley's Honey and Tar
compound in the house. p. II. CHM
Middleton, Ga, writes: MY
'hildren are very susceptible 20
'roup, easily catch cold. give
hem Foley's Honey and Tar Com
round and in every instance they
yet prompt relief and are soon
'lred We keep 1t at home ana
'revent Group" Use it also for
oughs, colds. hoarsduess, tickling
shroat' bronchial and lagripe
oughs. IT contains no opiates. Re.
use substitutes. For sale by all
deals. -Adyt.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
WILLING to Helm.

How much OF an income do you
think ] ought 10 have DIRE we get
married." he asked.
"Oh." she replied. = hardly know
How much Of an income have your"
Three thousand a year"
Don't you think that is erough?"
I'm afraid | could hardly support
you in the style to which you have
been accustomed, unless | mayaged
somehow TO get a good deal more"
We'll, Of course. If It bad to be
done, might use a less expensive
kind Of massage cream"
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
Small Boys Essay,

A youthful American citizen for tn,
time being resident In Germany was
asked to observe Independence daA
by writing "a patriotic American com
position Bobby chose THE Cow
for his subject, and this was the essay
he turned out: The COW is an animal
She has two horns and four legs ana
tail. Sometimes this tail waves
Long may It wave DER the land OF
The free and the home of the brave!''
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
Parcel Post and Christmas

So general has become the use
OF the parcel post and so popular
the service that We can hardly re-
aIize that it has been in operation
less than year.
1t required many years of agta-
tion to prevail upon Congress to
enact the necessary legislation for
the installation of the parcel post,
largely, ii is said. because of the
powerful Influence df the express
companies with which the parcel
post would compete.
We can hardly realize that we
have not had the convenience of tho
parcel post always and lit has not,
perhaps occurred to the public gen.
orally that it is about to be sub
jected to its first test Of ability to
meet the demands of the holiday
season The Postoffice Department
has been trying to make the serv &C
as efficient and satisfactory as pos
sible, but is apprehensive that II
may be taxed beyond its capabilities
during the approaching holiday sea-
son unless Christmas shoppers can
be persuaded to do some early shop
ping and thus prevent the anticipat-
ed congestion at the postoffiees.
To that end the department has
asked the people to help 1t meet the
strain by mailing their Christmas
parcels early and to those who dc
so there is a promise of prompt de-
livery Of their offerings which
cannot be extended to the tardy.
Every year the newspapers preach
the gospel of early holiday shopping
and now the advertisers are them
selves preaching it and notes of II
are being heard in the family cir
Gle. Naturally there are many
converts and the army Is becoming
stronger every day. There are sew.
eral considerations that should ap.
peal to the Christmas shopper, both
from selfish and from an unselfisf
point Of view. The early buyer hal
a better variety to select from be
fore the stock has been picked over
and gets better attention from tn
clerks by getting in ahead Of tn
rush. That is the selfish considera
tion. The finer appeal to the bette
+, nature in behalf of the men am
women behind the counters, to re
lieYe them of the eleventh hour rue
that is such strain upon then
and that deprives them of their en-
1oyment Of their cwn Christmas |
the unselfish consideration That i
the true Christmas spirit, that is tn
broad, catholic, humanitarian prin
oiple.
DO your Christmas shopping earl
and send your offerings that are q
90 by post as eardly as possible f
the postoftice, not only to insur
prompt delivery. but out of consid
Grafton for the postoffce employee
who will otherwise be overworke
and have their Christmas enjoymen
married by the carelessness of thos
whom they so faithfully serve.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
ONLY ONE SOCIETY
DAY FOR AUTO SHOW

New York, Dec 4-When the
National Automobile show opens in
the Grand Central Palace one month
rom today under the auspices of
he Automobile Chamber of Com
nerce, there will be but one Society
Day, Wednesday Of the opening
week.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
Il She ReaIIl Meant Il.

! want 4 pair of shoes that will
be plenty large enough" she said as
the clerk looked into her old one to
find the numhyr.
In that Gaze" he replied. perhaps
you had besier step over into ths
mems department"
Technical Defense.
The following conversation was re-
Gently overheard. if we are to believe
the man who tells it. upon the stairs
of the Berlin elevated. It could never
have taken place In New York. natur-
ally. There would not have been time.
The parties TO it were a gentleman
and a lady She began it:
What impudenco,"
Are you talking about me?"
I am. Just YOU. You tabbed me
with your umbrella"
Absurd. did not iab you with my
umbrella.
But you did Exactly that. Jabbed
me with your umbrella. Don't you
know, you brute, that civilized people
don't carry umbrellas sticking out like
that from under their arms?"
Il tell YOU. once more. never did
It. | did not jab you with my UNI
brella"
More insoience' Yet you've still
got the thing tucked under your arm
and sticking out. suppose you'll be
laooing me with your umbrella again
in a minute"
But it isn't my umbrella. It's n
borrowed one."-New York Evening
Post.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
What Was Wrono-

Grandma" cried am impulsive
youngster. hurrying back with his new
little jacket, this is lovely Goa,
and | love 1t, but you've made an awful
mistake. You've put one button too
many at the top and one buttonhole
too many at the bottom."
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
Quickly Recnvrrnd-

The first time man ever proposed
TO me " said Mrs. Atkinson, who was
rather plainr he took my breath
away"
Evidently you got il back In time
to say yes ha<oro he could escape,
replied her jealous neighbor.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
Jumping at a Conclusion.

Doctor, do you think 1t will be
necessary for me to undergo an oper-
stion7"
Il do. decidedly"
How much will it cost"
How much do you think you ought
10 pay?"
Very little. I'd be worth more to
my family II were dead"
We'll. who said this operation was
going to keep you from dyingT'
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
Suggestion for Automobile Racers.

Might It not be we'll 10 have automo.
bile racing made little more formal
and ceremonious For example, let
the drivers and mechanicians who arc
20 participate line up In front of the
grand stand just before the racing be-
gins and loudly shout in chorus:
Ladies and gentlemen, We who are
about to die salute you"
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
Total Depravity

There is OF God In all of you"
john tho Unafraid.


oHsU
the Illinois legislature
kkI Southern Illinois pemena We went ommhte get general knowledge
49, institution better prepared appropriations
90
corridor with infant daughter As passed eel, noticed that
there and stopped spoke He
when asked him forward and speak declined growing
told him what was there for and asked him how the other conditions
his face first thought
hated
could not find but determined search for it. persuaded him
his cetdd him wished
him.
Presently little babe with her hands flying about and between the
caught with her chubby fingers pnhed bis cheek
the break suddenly through the clouds? II So you can have
transformation that face? The hard lines melted the lips
into the babs face and great
He back his cot and covering his face with his
sobbed like child
babys fingers divinity that philosophy
walked into the wise
childhood firm faith that the God Of US"
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
Alcoholic Sentiment.

The singing souse is nuisance, but
he has 1t all over the jag who weeps
all over the bar when he realizes how
much he loves his Dear Old Mother
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
POINTED PARAGRAPHS
THE LIMIT.


can stand for the man with tn
cute little bow
On the back of his green ooloret
hat,
For there are lot of good fellows
| know
/ Who sometimes have fallen for
that.
The fedora of plush is a lid l dont
like,
It's fad that will never be
missed.
But somehow I've always an itching
TO strike
The man with a watch on his
wrist.
Detroit Free Press.
The man with the socks that can be
heard half mile
Like the slam of a door, they're
SO loud.
And the Bulgarian tie that dazzles
the eye,
An the slop-sloppy air I've al
lowed;
At the watch on the wrist, which
arouse your ire
Ny wrath can amply restrain,
But the thing that note which
corners my goat
Is the man with a dog by chain.
l can stand for the man with the
cute little bow
Perched up on the back of his
hat;
And maye a little red feather you
know.
Stuck right in the middle of that
The watch on the wrist, and the dog
by a chain
| just say. You're crazy, Old
Chap"
But boys, the thing that gives me a
pain
is the girl with a pup in her lap
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05

Mrs Henpecque-T see by this pa
per that man was arrested on mis-
wedding day and sent to the peniten-
tiarv for life. Wasn't that awful?
MIR HeupecQue-Yes; awful lucky
for him.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05

Olga NethcrsoIe is amazed at tho
many-sidedness the "all-uess." SO
TO speak, of the American girl.
Some masculine street observers are
not merely amazed at the said "aN-
ness They are delighted with the
free show. Chattanooga Times.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
CHANGED Frequently.

was that your husband He
seems to have ehaaged a great deal
in the past Ave years"
Eyes, three times"
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05

1t is all right to talk of the art
in the nude and near nude. but the
crowd which stares at the slit skirt
on the street is usually composed of
those Who nave no higher apprecia-
ton Of art,.--Pine Bluff Commercial.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05
ELATED.

Evidently the
market has been
going your way
mo. | never
speculate"
What Ia u,
then? You seem
to be particularly
cheerful"
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05

"My wife has Just consented to burn
the letters wrote her before We were
married
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05


I've sviators tumble from the sky,
The thrush's sweetest notes are being
trilled;
on country barns the circuses aret
billed.
The babe Is Weakened by the hucksters
cry;
From roller coasters. rlckety and high,
I,ow-browed young men and merry
maids are spilled;
An auto-racer. here and there, IL killed.
And pretty bathers keep their stockings
dry.
The fool who hears the warning word in,
vain
Proceeds again to swim too far from
shore:
Tn. flowers are all abioom upon the
plain.
The man who rocks the boat rocks as
Of yoEe:
On many a thumb there IL jamlike stain
Where presently there will be stains no
more.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05

Wicks--Why is it that you're so
sore on your father-inlaw?
Ticks My wife wanted to get a di-
vorce a couple Of years ago, and he
persuaded her not to.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05

The little people gossip In the grass;
The tender nestlinss bravely try their
wings;
The world is getting rich with growing
things.
The breezes murmur sweetly where they
pass;
The bride tries on her wreath before herr
glass;
Again the lark at heavens entrancs'
sings.
The daring tads are tumbling out OF
swings.
The plain girl takes the honors of her
class. ~a
The lambs begin to ganbol on the lea
The billy goat with gleeful ardor bucks'I
The pup impatiently snaps at the flea,
The specklsd hen leads forth her BROOD
and clucks,
Too proud of her achievement yet to sect
That she has Matched family or
ducks,
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05

syndicate Is trying to make a
corner on Irish potatoes and hold
them for high prices. Doesn't that
make the Murphy in you sit up and
say cuss words ~ Memphis CONNER
cial-Appeal.
The Cairo bulletin., 1913-12-05

Copyright :s,L by Joseph B. Bcwles.)
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-09-10

FINDING OF cUT-UP BODY is
STILL A MYSTERY
New York, Sept. 10.-Though
clues are leading in all directions, the
identity of the woman whose torso
was found near Hoboken is still a
mystery. The police today are cen
tering their efforts on an attempt to
locate man and young woman who
bought quantities of white tar paper
in two different drug stores in the 10
cality where the pillow, found
wrapped around the torso, was pur-
chased.
John Reid, a 13-year-old. boy,
claims. to have seen woman's skull
in the water along the shores of
Tottenville The lad was rowing near
the shore when a saw strand of
dark hair in the water, and reaching
over, pulled it out, to drop it back
in horror when he found it was
woman's head.
A Richmond, Ind, tailor believes
the body to be that of his wife, who
has been missing since August &c.
He says she had letter 81" tatooed
on her left shoulder blade several
years ago, which. would correspond
with the mark found on the shoulder
of the murdered woman, described as
shaped like a square"
Inspector Faurot is investigating
the disappearance of Ida L. Bowles,
whose father, w. E. Bowles, yester-
day telegraphed from Charleston, w.
Va, that he believed the victim of
the murder to be his daughter.
Bowles is said to have received a
special delivery letter from his
daughter on August %, mailed from
Times Square station, which letter
contained $500, and stated: 81 am
living life of He'll and do not want
to live. By the time you receive this
l will be dead"
The police do not regard seriously
Peter Fl SternomanI1 the eT.ra ctio
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-09-10

MAN KILLED AT ILL. STEEL CO.
Credit another victim to the ac-
count of the Illinois Steel Company
in South Chicago.
M. Skryzpek, S24s Bond av., a ma
chinist, was electrocuted while re-
pairing pit crane in the shops last
night.
The officials say other employee
must have turned on the power while
the man was at work.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-09-10
BOMBS WRECK BUILDINGS

Three buildings were wrecked and
several people injured by two giant
bombs early this morning.
The buildings are located at 906-
1912 S. Halsted street. The last is
the private bank and steamship
agency of Alexander Conforti. It is
believed the bomb was meant for
him. He has received several black
hand letters.
WEATHER FORECAST
Fair tonight, probably becoming
unsettled Thursday; rising tempera-
ture; moderate southeast to south
winds. -.------.------.------.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-09-10
GOV. cox SCHOOL BOOK PLAN
IS WELL RECEIVED

Columbus, O., Sept. 1o.-Governor
Cox is receiving numerous congratu-
lations on his announced stand in
favor of state printing of school
books.
Hundreds of different books are
now in use in the graded schools,
each district being permitted to make
its own selection, which has defeated
all efforts to secure uniformity. I'm
der Cox's plan state commission
of educators would select the books
that were to be used, the state would
print them and sell them direct to
the parents.
1--WE will save the parents of Ohio
hundred of thousands of dollars every
year" Cox predicts.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-04-05

The plan of life by which John d..
Rockefeller, 70 years old, and his physi-
clan and personal friend for years, DR..
II. f. Biggar, 79 years old, have been
able to see the years multiplying while
their youthful physical and mental facul-
ties remain comparatively unimpaired, is
set forth in tiny pamphlet which the
Rockefeller physician is circulating among
his patients. The system is one that
both Mr.. Rockefeller and DIR. Biggar have
followed for years. It's keynote is sim
plicity in living. Constant youthfulness
of health and strict study of personal
needs are urged as essentials of old age
and impaired faculties are to be deferred.
The preservation of Mr.. Rockefeller s
health is proverbial. Intimates of DR..
tai attributes of youth are no less re-
markable. His skin has the glow of that
of a child, and there is not the slightest
suggestion of advanced age in his mental
processes or manners. Two meals a day,
one entirely of uncooked fruit; an occa-
sional day of fasting from all foods but
fruit; EPSON salt baths frequently and a
Turkish bath, with vigorous massage at
least every two weeks, are some of the
recipes offered with the solid backing OF
their eminent success in the case of the
doctor himself and his famous friend and
patient Mr.. Rockefeller's health caun-
selor condemns the three meals a day
habit as not always necessary nor con-
ducive to health. A good rule, he says,
is to eat only when hungry and then not
to repletion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-04-05
CYCLONES AND roRNApoEs

From the Cleveland Leader.
An uphill fight for accurate English
is being waged, year after year, by sci
entific authorities on the weather who
object to having the tornadoes which rip
through towns now and then, or carry
away Isolated farmhouses, called "cy-
| clones" The distinction made by the
experts in meteorology is plain but the
public is welded to the ''cyclone."
The word has gained wide acceptance
IN describing the furious local storms
which rush forward along a more or less
direct path while they whirl with far
greater velocity on a center which may
be only a few feet in diameter. If a boys
top is spun on one end of a board and
the board is tilted so that the top slides
quickly along 1t, all the while revolving
at high speed on it's point, the onward
sweep of the tornado is closely initiated
1t is the spinning motion which is
swiftest and most desturtve. The ad-
vance of the storm may not be as rapid
as that of many a comparatively harmless
gale. . The twisting motion is estimated
at not less than 200 miles an hour in the
worst tornadoes.
The true cyclone of the West Indies,
the China sea and other parts of the
tropics Is entirely different. Its force is
spent in furious wind that seems to
blow almost straight ahead, while the
great storm revolves, more or less fully,
around a circle the circumference of
which may be many hundred miles, a
tornado wreaks its fury on strip of land
usually only a mile or less in width.
The cyclone sweeps scores or hundreds Of
miles of sea or shore.
But Cyclone is entrenched in popular
usage as the name of the typical 'twis-
a poor chance
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-04-05
pU MAURIER AND WHISTLER

From the New York Sun.
London-Sir e. j. Poynter, P. r. A.,
who was II years old recently, recalls
in an interview how when he was
studying in Paris for three or four
years there was one little artistic
group called "Trlby' He says:
MY companions were Whistler. Du
Maurier, Val Prensep. Lamont, Thomas
and Armstrong. OF course Du Maurier
altered the thing a good deal, but his
picture of studio life was in the main
truthful representation Of our life at
that time. Trilby herself. believe,
was pure product of the authors $
brain.
an many ways the most remarkable
only had energy there Is no knowing
to what height he might have scared,
but he was incorrigibly lazy. 1 remem-
ber Visiting him once a a nursing home
in Paris. He had been working little
on a study in pink carnations. 1t was
exquisite from the extraordinary sense
of color it displayed This was his
great gift. He excelled every painter
ever known in purity and delicacy OF
coloring. lie rarely finished any work,
but he loved to pretend, just for, fun,
that his unfinished studies were perfect
works of genius. Then he would
chuckle when people took him at his
word and declared that the very incom-
pleteness of the sketches constituted
their great artistic merit"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-04-05
Senators By Direct Vote

Connecticut's legislature is in ses-
sion, and it is reported that it will
this month become the thirty y-sixth
state to ratify the seventeenth
amendment, thus making it part of
the federal constitution. When this is
done a revolution in the Senate will
become not only possible but proba-
BILE.
The amendment is, as follows:
"When vacancies happen in the rep
resentation of any state in the Senate,
the executive authority of such state
shall issue writs of election to fill such
vacancies. Provided that the legisla-
ture of any state may empower the
executive thereof to make temporary
appointments until the people fill the
vacancies by election, as the legisla-
ture may direct"
No state legislation will be needed
The governor is directed to call an
election to elect senator whenever
one is needed. Legislation is, however,
anticipated, but in its absence the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-04-05

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Man is supposed to follow wise nature
in all other things. But when he sees
pretty girl ne is supposed to shut his eyes
and believe that it would be wrong to get
too close to her.
Two dozen readers told me 1 was wrong
about the manicure girl and the rubber
gloves SO L tried it myself. Now all
know about her hands is that she had
dark hair and pretty brown eyes and a
good figure. 1 don't know that 1t makes
much difference whether they wear rub
ber gloves or none at all.
You can tell girl that she is as pretty
as a picture without lying. Some of those
cubist pictures are nightmares.
Call any woman an old hen and she will
lay for you.
A woman always kisses another woman
with as much meaning as If she had been
married to her for 10 years.
A married man and his hair are soon
parted.
IT doesn't matter how tight girls hob
BILE skirt is, she has to walk over to a
wall when she wants to scratch match.
The man who writes his love letters on
postal cards isn't going to get into much
trouble.
The man who marries homely girl has
the consolation that he doesn't have to
stay at home all day to shoe off the CO.
respondents.
Love is blind That's the reason man
whose wife is as big as the federal build
ing can't even see her when 100 pound
chicken flashes into view.
| l have interviewed several hundred mil
| lionaires in my time, and | never met
one who made his money raising Angora
goats
| If the working girl is as fearsome OF her
virtue as the sob sisters say she Is, she
need fear nothing. Onions are cheap.
| There isn't much credit coming TO
George Washington for not telling lies. lie
married a widow, and he would have a fat
chance trying to lie 20 her and get away
with it.
! Isn't it funny how ugly 16-year-oid
| boy can be and how sweet 16-year-old
girl can be?
! A man who eats like hog and snores
like one will always blame it on clear
conscience.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-04-05

of talks over the telephone last eyar was
over 26,ooooOO. There are 10000 places.
towns. cities and hamlets from which tel
ephone messages may be sent. This is
5000 more than the number of our post
offices. 10000 more than the number Of
our railroad stations and three times the
number of telegraph offices in the coun-
try. There are nearly 75oo,00o telephone
stations in the Bell -system-an increase
last year of over 100000 These are the
facts reported by the American Telegraph
and Telephone company in reference to
the Bell business. 1t earned last year
rearly $43,000,000 Will it be believed that
the majority of its shares are owned by
women and less than per cent by
brokers? This is the best answer to
those who charge that our great corpor-
atoms are owned and run by a few
wealthy men exclusively for their own
benefit