The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-04-06
HUMoRISTs OF sCHOOLROOM

From Tit-Bits.
| "If men only knew what drink does
to their insides, they would never let
! 1t go in 1t colors the inside of their
stomach blue, red, and yellow and makes
! the skin of it hang loose. They can
eat as much food to their meals as those
who are not drunkards, because of the
skin hanging loose. A man or
| woman who follows temperance can al
ways walk in the street holding them
selves straight up, but the others bend
! their knees and walk in and out like
You have never seen teetotaller drunk
yet. The man who lives in temperance
| like teetotallers can afford to buy boots
! and shoes for their children, and even
cherries for them to eat when they are
| in season. They do not meet with acci-
dents by wobblng about, and they do
not dirty their clothes against the walls
when they are coming home"
| This extract from an essay on tenn
perance which Mr.. II. j. Barker, "A,
mentions In Little Humorists at School,
(Jarold) is typical of the unconscious
humor of the modern child. The book is
delicious shllingsworth of quaint ju-
venile sayings and writings, the gems
perhaps being the naive answers made
by children to the questions of the teach
er or examiner.
During an examination in grammar and
composition an inspector was questioning
the highest class of the school, and he
presently said:
What is meant by the saying, You
should not split the infinitive?' .
One determined looking boy, rather
than give no answer at-~all, hazarded
the reply:
1T means that you should not try to
divide space .
And one can well understand the answer
the master of an East-end school received
from one of his nimble minded pupils. In
a reading lesson on such useful animals
as the COW. horse. sheep, etc, occurred
the statement: "It may truly be said that
the sheep is useful to man from head to
foot"
"Can any boy tell me- asked the mas
ter why it can truly be said that the
sheep is useful to US from head to foot?''
No one responded at first, but presently
a little urchin raised his hand.
well, tell us, my boy" said the master,
ncouragingly.
''Why, sir" he answered. "coze it gives
us nice Sleeps heads for our dinners and
nice Sleeps trotters for our suppers."
In a boys school in the south of Lon
don the teacher asked his pupils to write
down the names of any three great Eng
llsh writer's with the title Of one, at
least, of their works.
Most of the scholars answered the ques-
ton fairly well, but one of them gave the
following remarkable list
''W. Wordsworth, wrote a book called
We Are Seven, which we are now learning
to reche at school
Mr.. Doctor Watts wrote about the
voice of the suggard, which we have at
) home.
! MI. LloydGeorge, who wrote a book
called the Budget, which is read by near
} ly everybody"
In another poor school in Bermondsey
the master was dealing with the subject
of the Prodigal Son. He described tc
the boys how the young man insisted upon
having his share of wealth whilst his
t father was still alive; how he went away
t to a far country, and how lie there spent
) his money in riotous living
"Now,r said the MASTER what does
that mean-spending his money i'll riot
i GUS liying?"
Going rarnd abart drinking from one
, public house to another. answered one
scholar.
''Hem' said the teacher What do
you say?' And he pointed to another
boy.
"spendin his money goin' to pictur'
palaces, sir, every afternoon and evenin',
Even in the highest class of schools
} there are some quaint replies given at
times. In Kensington school the schol-
lars in the seventh standard-or highest
class-were taking for recitation a p0r-
tion of Shakespeare's Macbeth" viz
Act V, Scene 5. 1t will be remembered
that in this scene Macbeth speaks thus.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creepsin this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty DEATH
After one boy had recited this part Of
the speech the teacher asked:
Now, why does Macbeth repeat that
word tomorrow three times?"
! The boy thought for a short time over
il, and then replied:
/ Because. sir, he wanted to get the full
number of sylables into the line''
! Novel views of Biblical history are
sometimes expressed by little scholars.
4 One of them, asked why Eve was cree
ated answered:
Becoze. sir, God seed that AdAw