The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-01-31

| Who put the ham in Birmingham
| Who put the miss In Mississippi!
| Who put the dam in Amsterdam
| Well answer all of these for you.
But there's one thing we cannot tell
Who put all that enormous price
In hard coal that the dealers sel1
| Caught on the Fly.
An Arkansas woman aged 1lS, tooh
| her first ride on a railroad train the
other day. If she had started on an
Arkansas railroad SO years ago sne
might be somewhere by now.
| Physicians have forbidden Harry
Lauder to play Hamlet" Occasion
| ally the physicians issue al order that
| is strictly worth while.
A Kansas City woman paid $50 for
| a husband. People should be more
| careful of their money.
| Woodrow Wilson will also get de-
| gree from the electoral college.
Milk is now being recommended as
| a hair tonic. Sure. Look at the bald
headed babies who have grown hair.
Anyhow, the modern woman doesn't
have to worry for fear that her pet
| tlcoat drags, because she doesn't wear
one.
Fashionable women of Paris have
discarded rouge, according to report.
Tnat sounds like barefaced lie.
Wilson'S nomination cost 500, 565. and
now it remains to be seen whether
| ~AO AAOliLAdtiOu was worth IL.
Mr.. Zazzwoizwolzsky lives in Pitts
burg. He owes a great deal to the
| last letter of the alphobet.
| Lipton's cup aspirations have as
much to do with the teacup as with
the yachting trophy.
The football rules are to he revised.
Upward or downward?
Personal.
Penelope-You ask how to make vonr-
self light on your feet. CLIMBING n
telephone pole or doing tricks on tba
parallel bars is recommended. bnt csre
should be taken not to light on your
head. 'ONA
III. W-The kind of a package that
you refer to cannot be sent through
the new parcels post. Every man has
to carry that sort of a package for
himself.
From the HickeyvilIe Clarion.
| Honesty may may not be the best
policy. but Teller never has q. chance to
ind out in this mans town. William
I1bbitts now sells ice cream sody water
in his grocery store. 1t is something
brand new, but We editor, who got a glass
of it the other day, don't think much OF
swaller. ~
T. Egbert Peavey expects a job in the
theatrical business as leading man with
show, and 7. Egbert will probably be a
matinee idol and one of the brightest
stars In the Ierment. He Will be support
ed by capable company. His mother
had did it SO far. T. Egbert is a disciple
| or Edwin Booth or Darlington Booth, I
don't recall which, and will do the leefti-
mate on parallel bars in the main show
and will double in brass on a juice harp
/ in the orchester.
/ Professor e. Pluribus Jenkins. the
new superintendent of the HickeyviIle
schools, will give a movin' picther lee
ture with $500 feet of films at the
school house next Thursday evenin',
showin the working of the human sys-
tenn and how to reduce the high cost
of livin.' He will show the human
stomach running on high speed and di-
costing breakfast food and again rum
ming on secondary speed, digesting
corned beef and cabbage. He will also
show the effecks of whiskey on the
thorax. A free will offering will be
taken and the professor will git enough
to pay for printin' the handbills IL he
is lucky. If the professor had lived in
our midst very long he would take time
by the fetlock and charge an admission
at the door.
There is one satisfaction about be-
| ing beat for congress or senator A
Teller saves q good deal OF money py
staying at home.
lem Higgins has been out prac-
ticin' on the fair ground track this
fall every day. He expects to run for
constable or village clerk next spring.
1t amt never possible to tell much
TO a IelieT VIII hd9 SUI SIN
mind enough to wear ear muffs and
a yarn muffier.
Elmer Hackett is painting his hem
coop. If we had more such enter
prising citizens this town would be,
a thing of beauty and a joy forever.l
The Hfckeyvilie Silver Cornet band
has rented ST Higgins barn seven
miles out to do their practicing In.
The lid is on in town so far as band
rehearsing is concerned More news
next week when our wife gets through
making Xmas presents and can get