The Washington herald., 1913-12-14

ms arm, leaVlng the vice PRESIDENT sui
vainly clamoring for his rights.
Some Yodeling fer Bryan.
When the time came for Secretary
Bryan to be called on for a speech the
musical contingent of the club marched
to the center OF the dining hall and forth
with one of the soloists began to sing
this verse:
can yodel for fair q Tyrolean air,
And do 1t from morning to night;
My soul fairly dotes on juggling high notes.
les, to yodel is my great delight;
but say it's no snap TO Ill up the gap
:, m the star Of the tent show comes in;
II fracture my tubes must hold all these rubes
While yodel for him to begin.
Then followed a series of yodels like
unto which nothing was ever heard in
the heavens above or the earth beneath.
For goodness sake, what is this
noise?' asked President Kaufman.
1t is yodeling," was the reply.
Then try it over again and see If
you can do any better"
This was enough to start the singers
on the second verse, which went thus
wise:
The sword sWallowers hungry and bowling for grub.
The Circassian beauty is tired;
The bearded old lady Is feeling quite shady,
And 10 10. / fear. has expired
But the boss Of this show, all Of you know,
Insists that keep up this din;
The crowd yells for Bryan and me they are EuyinE,
Let the star Of the tent show come inI
More yodeling from Yodelville and then
MI Bryan made a speech. 1t was de-
hghtful effort, of course, as all OF his
speeches are, and he did not seem to
mind the yodeling at all.
There were many other musical contri-
buttons to enliven the evening-a song
about Tammany to the tune Of Follow
nrs fko - Il,
Mitchell, and rollicking chorus with the
refrain, Let him go! Let him go! Let
him go" In this song it was suggested
that If Huerta wanted to follow Roose-
welt to where the Amazon waters flow,
or Representative Gardner, of Massa-
chusetts, wanted to go the Senate, or
John Barrett wanted to travel around
each and all of them could go and go
and go.
fun with the Income Tax.
There were a multitude of clever lines
in the skit which was called the Grid
iron school for the study of the income
tax. There was a teacher who asked
questions and two pupils whose bright
answers made everybody laugh. The i'm
pelling cause of taxation was said to be
and the impelling cause
of appropriations was to get money for
home projects so that the man getting
them could stay in Congress. rs taxa
ton increasingly" was asked, and the
answer was: 1T is, because there are
many more members of Congress than
there used to be-" Then these questions
and answers occurred:
What is economy?
Economy is the bOpe OF the minority and the
despair of the majority.
Are minoTities always economical?
Always.
When do minorities cesse to be economically
When they win election.
The income tax vas described as five
thousand words of law and 100000 words
of explanations and interpretations" the
latter being necessary because the law
was made by eminent lawyers" The
most significant phrase in the bill was
said to be provided further because
every time it occurred it showed that
another eminent lawyer had butted in"
Then came this dialogue:
What was the politics Of the income taxi
To secure from the rich and weIl-to-do portions Of
their Increment for the ultimate benefit Of the de-
serving poor.
Is that popular?
Extremely so. except with the rich.
VIII there be a refusal to pay?
Probably not; everybody will pay-something.
What about the moral obligation?
Incomes that net over 10000 a year and moral
fiuence.
Is it possible to levy a popular taxi
One tax is always popular.
What is that?
The tax from which you, personally. are exempt.
Did members of Congress exempt themselves when
they made the laEf
No; they Aought they would get their mileage.
A Reduction that May Occur.
The income tax was said to be neces-
sary because the Democrats had to re-
duce the tariff and because they needed
something to take the minds of the people
OF the high cost of living. But" It was
suppose the reduced tariff
does not reduce the high cost of living?'
Then there will be another reduction"
was the reply.
"Of what?''
"Of the Democratic majority in Con-
gress," was the reply, amid much laugh
ter.
Then the law was said to be perfectly
easy of comprehension-to those who are
exempt. There never will be but one
law more complicated" it was asserted. |
land that will be the law amending #
and making it simpler in its operations. ~
Then came these observations:
What is the most interesting feature Of the new
avn
Collections at their source
What does that meant
They haven't found out yet
Has q solution been soughti
The Treasury Department has already issued tvo
Iolumes on the subject and have several more in
PREPARATION
Why are so many volumes necessary
Because every book Of explanation requires a fur
her book to explain the exrlsnations
What is needed in computing ones taxi
A clear head. plenty Of paper and pencils, and a |
inn faith in the stability Of the republic.
A bond was described as ''the father of
large family of coupons and a cor
,oration was defined as IAN object Of
,oliticaI suspicion" A corporate monop-
,ly was said to be never justifiabIe un-
ess you owned some of the stock" and
lot honest unless it contributed to the
ampaign funds of the dominant party.
rhe Democrats were said to be enthus-
astic about the new law because il ap-
'ropriates $4,000 for office-holders to col
ect the tax and then the witty dialogue
anne to conclusion in this fashion:
Was all this EerbiaEe. circumIocution, sourcfnr.
esourcing, and complication necessary
Nc.
How could Il have been avoided!
BY imposing a straight tar on individual incoues
owever derived with the legal exemptions and AZ
riug severe penalties for fraudulent returns and
ayments
would that have been simplerY
It would have been simpler, but not Congressional
A Travesty ON Civil Service.
The musical stunt of the evening was
ntitled 1.-The Ak of Adlai" It was a
-svesty upon the civil service examina-
on of the fourth-class postmasters. The
1neful music was extracted from the
rore Of THE Grand Duchess" and
srmed happy accompaniment for the