davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25
POPULAT
ny GEORGE FITCH,
Author of "At Good Old sfwash."

which cannot read English and live In
tenements, in which one wash bowl has
to do for a whole voting precinct, 1t
looks with scorn upon the slow old burg
down the line which has built nine new
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

Judging by the descriptions, it appears
that the steamship Imperator is equipped
with everything except a taxiab service
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25
A Dull RIM.

THE motor wouldn't spark"
You seem very grouchy over that"
Neither would the girl 1 had with
me-"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

Emperor William announces that the
German army needs billion marks 1t
might be less expensive to have a war.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

speaking of the prosperity of the coun-
gift of 100000 from Andrew Carnegie.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

A missionary has just scaled Mount Nc
Kinley. It is TO be hoped the natives
were duly appreciative.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

Haiti has sold her navy, and we under.
stand that she took the money and
bought a new uniform for her army.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

Do you suppose the suffragettes wear
majamas?
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

How dear to our heart is the friend
who opens the conversation without ref
erence to the weather!
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

1t seems almost incredible that Messrs.
Murphy and Sulzer should belong to the
same party.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25
To Expand the Currency.

From Judge.
He had just given her a check for her
FIRST monthly allowance.
II think" she said coyly. 81 shall have
this check photographed"
ITO preserve as a memento?" he asked.
NO; so / can have IL enlarged
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

The Culebra slide is the latest dance.
Army engineers introduced it.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

Well, all we've got to say is that who
ever put the will in Wilson made a good
job Of 1t.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25

Peace hath her horrors no less thar
war-especially in the Balkans.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-06-25
Good job.

Il understand that the young man in
the house next to you is a finished cor
netist?' Gee! is he? l was just screw
ing up my courage to finish him my
self! Who did it?''
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12

sponsive to an awakened public con-
science
1t is evident, as time progresses, that
the political battle of the future must
be along educational lines. With the
spread of intelligence people become
more and more independent. They are
not to be blindly led They think for
themselves The yoke of partisanship
rests lightly upon their shoulders.
Their attitude toward the Democratic
party is one of watchfulness and OBJ
servation. That party must stand or
fall upon its record. If its legislation
should prove injurious to our national
welfare the great mass of the Ameri-
can people will demand change, and
they will turn to that political organ
ization which has convinced them that
it has the highest and best interests of
the people most sincerely and most
safely at heart
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12
Pernicious Fee System.

The action taken by the Hyattsville
Council on Friday night is an official
rebuke to the men who had under
taken, not only to injure the fair name
of OUR enterprising little suburb, but
also to annoy and harass visitors who
had occasion either to- go there on
business or auto through on their way
to some other place.
The City Council has right to make
its own regulations, but the members
of the governing board of the town
never intended to have a harmless
ordinance used for the sake of per-
scouting any persons who happen to be
fortunate enough to own an>automo-
bile. The joy ride is condemned in
Washington or Baltimore equally as
strong as in Hyattsville, and if the lat
ter city can put stop to excessive
speed the Council is to be commended.
Mr.. Burton, the Washington attor-
ney who made a test case of a dis
graceful practice, is TO be congratu-
lated, not only by the people of out
side points, but by the people of
Hyattsville itself, for he has succeeded
in calling attertion of the town au-
thorities to the pernicious practices
growing out Of the fee system.
Hyattsville is again on the map; the
fee system abolished; careful autoists
can visit there without fear of arrest
stigma on the name of the city has
been removed, thanks to the good peo-
pie of the former feared little burg.
The Washington Herald congratulates
the members of the Council for their
frInness upon insisting that an an
moving practice be abolished
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12
Not Far Wrong.

Elisha Dyer, New York's cotiIlon lead.
er, returned from Europe recently on the
Kaiser Wilhelm ii. A reporter asked
Mr.. Dyer IL the duty he was paying on
a large stock of London clothes would
not make them cost more than he would
have paid for them in New York.
.'Well, even So" Mr.. Dyer replied, I'VE
men need have no regret about the cost
of our wardrobes. Look at the unfortu-
nate ladies'!
Il have just left Paris, where all OF
the smart women are wearing delicate
little white straw bowler hats mounted
In front with punches of white aigrettes
as thick as your wrist. To be without one
OF these hats is to be shabby, and yet,
simple as they are, they cost as much
as $50 each.
Last month an American girl enticed
her husband into a shop on the Rue
Royale and tried bowler hat with a
huge aigrette.
How do you think this one looks,
Johr?" she asked.
HIM. 1t locks to me Ike a months
salary he said" y
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12
WASHINGTORS WOMAN SHOW.
Historical or Legendary Ances.
tresse. to He Feature of Parade.


tresse, to He Feature of Parade.
: frum the New Trk Sun
IL the weather behaves itself on March
the most engaging part of the inaugural
parade Will be the woman's division
wearing. our Washington dispatches saw.
various CARDS representing the different
stages OF woman's DEVELOPMENT from
early times TO the present day" II cam
not always or often be said that march
Ing American citizens are a beauty and
Joy. They want to be brilliant and
picturesque. The romantic instinct burns
fierce in their bosoms. But somehow they
seem too self-cOnscious OF trying TO look
'feudal." as Walt Whitman would say.
and ashamed OF their unusual pomp. The
growth of pageants is slowly making a
change for the better. yet still American
civilian man. while he loves TO peacock
1t, is daZzled and abashed by his I'M
wonted decoration. He loves it. but he
is bashful: afraid that he is making
a spectacle Of himself
The women, sure TO please and accom-
modating themselves with a fine ease
and kindling imagination to the char
acters they play, are never more at home
than in these Mosques. Their only
trouble at Washington will be to make
choice in the long gallery OF historical
or legendary women. VIII they care to
play Their unkempt ancestress. the cave
woman? Will they show US those rosy
figures of the dawn. more gracious than
any pedant historian could praise. the
Helens the Andromaches the Antigones
the Eurydices? And those historical but
essentially romantic characters such as
She whose face was worth the world to kiss
And large, pale lips Of strong Semiramis
In the way OF development Of will. en-
ergy, and influence. II will have to be adj
mitted that some women of the past sur
passed any individual woman of to-day.
which boasts the collective advance OF
the sex rather than the supremacy Of the
superwoman. There are both, perhaps,
among the Bible women A collective
strength may be seen, indeed, in the
German women as Tacitus describes
them; the wives and daughters OF some
of the Roman stoics and other Roman
matrons and maids cannot be exceeded
in tranquil courage and devotion. Again.
in individual will and energy. and some
times in passion, how many illustrations
from Matilda of Tuscany to Queen Eliza
beth and the Empress Catherine? The
great saints and mystics, the multitude,
We were going to say, Of powerful or
charming women who have ruled In
French politics or society-well, the pro-
cession Is interminable, all the way from
our doubtless charming, but too pomologi-
cal ancestress to Oklahoma Kate and
the tennis champions. the policewomen
and the stateswomen. Washington is
spect, and speaking merely as sociolo-
gists and observers, most of US would
prefer it infinitely to the political or
even the military exhibits.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12
Need of Breeding Cavalry Horse,

FINN the Buffalo Commercial
While the showing OF the squad Of
cavalry that went TO Stockholm TO repre-
sent the United States was creditabIs
there IS a strong feeling among Ameri-
can horsemen that had the cavalrymen
been supplied with better mounts the
record OF their achievement, when pittsd
against the best 'horsemen of the world
would have been even better than II was
In fact. II Is considered really wonder
full by members of the National SteenIa-
chase and Hunt Association that with a
lot OF horses selected at rnndom thew
finished as high up as second and third.
when called upon to compete with cav
alrymen representing nations that have
horses bred for years to meet the nsrfac,
type.
There is no doubt that this country
can produce as good horses as anv Il,
the world. but 1t is equally true that
the breeding OF the finer strains of horse
flesh has been seriously neglected during
the past decade. Government official,
are coming to see that the thorough
ored mas a higher and more important
place than the race track Other nations
have. for many years, fully realized the
necessity of care in breeding horses for
cavalry purposes, and the result Ia that
in attempting to compete with these
our cavalrymen are seriously handI-
capped.
There are evidences that stronger IN
terest In the subject is developing among
army men. and IL is not too much to pre-
dict that the result of the competition
at stockholm will be greatly to acceler-
ate this interest Anti-racing legislation
should hot be permitted to interfere with
the raising OF thoroughbreds. for il is
as necessary that the cavalrymen OF our
army should be supplied with the very
best mounts as that the foot soldiers
should be equipped with the latest an
planes of modern warfare It would
appear that there Is a great opportunity
for the government TO turn its attention
more seriously to the subject of horse
breeding, which II could very well do.
especially In sections of the country
still under its control
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12

From the Boston Globe.
An English photographer who is a stu
dent of psychology believes that animals
smile and laugh and he has made some
photographs to support his contention.
One print shows greyhound before
whom a lump of sugar is promisingly
held. The dogs lower lip has dropped in
happy expectancy while his upper lip is
raised in a kind OF grin. A print of
a horse shows IL with open lips and
teeth and gums bare in a genuine grin
simply when the word sugar is pro-
nounced, the horse being lover OF
sweets.
This is all very interesting and sug-
gests that the animal world has feeling
quite akin to our own. II is now up to
some American photographer to show
the possibilities OF grinning as demon
strated by Teddy bear or bull moose
This task surely would be much lighter
than that of proving that a houn' dawg
can smile. Since certain events at Bal
timore the care-free joyousness of that
type of canine has departed, and the
rumor is rife again that IL has been
kicked around too much.
The hardest task OF all, however, will
be to get G. o. p. elephant to smile
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12
COOKS
~ GEORGE FITCH.
Author sf CAT Good OLD siwash.s

A cook Is a genius who is able TO conn
bine the contents of a meat market and
a grocery store in such Q manner as to
tempt man to overeat himself whether
he is hungry or not. ~
Cooking is the greatest profession In
the world. There are upwards Of 5000 900
cooks in this country alone and a number
Of them are good cooks. The difference
between good cook and q bad cook is
greater than the difference between
Heaven and the feverish ATTITUDES.
A good cook can take an old shoe, a
little salt and some edible debris of va
rious sorts and make a soup from them
which would cause a Republican to for
get last November's election and sing for
Joy. A bad cook can take a cross SECTION
of a sweet and toothsome young COW and
anneal II so successfully that the hungry
diner will eat his napkin instead
Cooks, like violinists. are born-not
made. Some women can mix fourteen
ingredients by guess, bake them until
they have finished story and produce
a masterpiece which will make the eater
yell for more. Other women cook with a
pair of apothecary's scales and stop
watch and produce only woe and dyspep-
sia. r r-r
Cooking Is duty of woman and eat
Ing the result is a duty Of man The more
duty the sadder the world. But cooking
also can be made a pastime. an accom-
plishment. an art and an Inspiration. IN
which cases eating the results soon be-
comes a dissipation ..s
On cooking depends the happiness of
matrimony. Love usually lasts as long
as digestion. Good cooking cements a
family unbreakably together. while bad
cooking drives 1t bowling to the lunch
counter and the divorce court
In spite of all these things. nobody paws
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12
Harry Vardon mt Home.

From the London Daily News
The hundreds of people who on Satur-
day last saw Vardon go thrice around his
home course at Totteridge In sixty-nine
strokes each time marveled at his skill,
and Edward Ray, the new champion,
with a morning round of seventythree,
took back seat for the day, position
which, no doubt, pleased him well. for
no man likes to beat a professional
friend on his own course. Still, no pro-
fessional friend can do that to Vardon
at Totteridge, his record for which
stands at 81. Vardon has done some
wonderful things on his own hidden.
On one occasion. at the longest hole he
put his tee shot in the first bunker,
found the second bunker with long
second, played onto the green with his
third. and holed out In four. He has fire.
quently done II or under with rain
falling in torrents and with the whole
course practically under water.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12

other ingredients in proportion, to three
quarters OF a million pounds Of -four and
two million eggs; and its cost can scarce
ly be less than a third Of a million
pounds.
Such. in brief. is the pudding which
appeases John Bulls Christmas and New
Years appetite. That digestion as well
as appetite proves equal to the demand.
II would be heresy TO doubt for have
they not the late DR.. Andrew Wilson's
authority for saying that the indi-
gestibility Of plum pudding has been
grossly exaggerated" siding with the
boy who demands another sIice?' High
medical authority-of course, British
insists that plum pudding is a most nu-
trittous dish. People now and then. no
doubt. eat too much OF it. but. taken in
moderation. il is one OF the best foods
for young and old.
Pope Plus Y has a brother, Angelo
Sarto, who, despite his seventy-six
years. retains the position OF letter car
rler and postmaster at Grazie, a village
hve miles distant from Mantua, the
birthplace OF Virgil. For directing the
post-ofiice there and walking back and
forth with the mail bag to the Mantua
Railway Angelo Sarto receives the rnu-
nifcent salary OF just . shIIIings Der
day. This he finds insufficient 10 live
upon. and as the present Pope is ex-
ceedingiy scrupulous about aiding rela-
hVes. lest II should give occasion for
scandaIous gossip on the score OF nepo-
t'sn, such as fastened on the memory OF
Leo XIII. his aged brother has travelled
all the way TO Rome to solicit an in
crease OF wages from the Italian gov
eminent Signor Sarto was presented
by the representative Of his district In
the italian Dict TO the minister of posts
ana teieSraphs In order 10 plead his
cause. He failed to obtain an increase
IN his wage, but the Italian government
in default of assistance from the Pons
mas granted him a bonus of $50 lire in
recognition OF his long service to the
state. 7
The old man. in his simple, touching
pea emphasized the fact that he had
never omitted. during his long tenure
OF ofnce, TO hoist the national trf-coIor
days nun
Pope Plus almost lives as simple a life
as his postman brother He has an in
pred distaste for luxurious habits, and
shortly after his election to the papscy
ne was Mortified at the number of sery-
ants In the kitchen at the Vatican. rs
IL necessary, he asked, ito have seven
Soohs IN order TO make me a little
soup Until a few months ago tba
Pope used to sleep In a room with win.
COWS hermetically sealed. even in the
hottest days OF the Roman season Dur
ing his last illness. however, the doctors
moved him 20 room IN which every
window could be opened II occasion re-
CURED Quite naturally. the pontir has
i 'sil oS tne change. FLANEUR
tCoT9nsht. 1919. BY Court Gossip syndicateJ
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12
Lost His job.

Woodrow Wilson," said a Princeton
man. often illustrated with a story the
chief drawback of school-teaching.
This drawback is an arbitrary tone.
tone of command, due to the constant
ordering about of the young. DR.. Will
sons story Is about youth. an ex-
teacher. who got cierkship in a bank.
The youth happened to look up from his
work one day and saw the president
dreaming at his desk. Thereupon, for
getting that he was a bank clerk and
not a school-teacher now. he whaeked
the counter with his fist and shouted
at his chief In a voice of thunder:
"'Say, you, get on with your work. "
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12
A Work Of Genius.

SNhSAoA ANh~AS llds
been the means or the instrument fol-
revealing new powers in the Sherman
act. Through his procedure new reve,
lations have come of the powers Of
that great statute Those who made il
and were most familiar with its pos
sibilities, whenever sincere efforts
would be made for its enforcement, al
ways have realized the powers of the
Sherman law. They have warned Elk
ecutives and legislators that all this
country demanded in the way of curb
ing monopolies and oppression, and for
the restoring of competition, was con-
tanned in the Sherman act, which only
needed. to be enforced earnestly.
1t is seen now that the Supreme
Court of the United States finds that
a market corner in commodities may
violate that famous antitrust law as
much as railroad corner in traffic, or
Wall Street in cornering prices of
stocks, by being AN actual restraint of
the market in operating to thwart the
commodities from the normal current
of trade, TO hamper users and con-
sumers in satisfying their needs, and to
produce practically the same evils as
does the suppression of competition"
All this is such plain English, so
simple, that the wonder is that legal
judgment ever could have supposed
there was any doubt about it There
was time when the government
seemed to be content with the merest
form OF compliance with the provi-
sions OF the Sherman act. If it was
wrong for any one to have all of
something in one pocket, he could take
out part of it and put it in the other
pocket. Then he had complied with the
antitrust law.
We know now that the highest Fed
eral tribunal could pass upon a ques-
ton like that at any time, provided it
was asked to do so in a test case.
Unless the Department OF Justice went
TO the Supreme Court for such a test
there could be no decision. But as
to doubt, there never was any re-
garding the efficacy of the law The
doubt existed only in the question as
to how long the Supreme Court could
be kept from passing on a law so
clear and so conclusive, that lawyers
never again could use any hair-splitting
methods about the mysteries" of an
act which were yielding opulent fees
We have heard ii said very re-
Gently that the Sherman law takes on
such new aspects, that far-reaching
principles, never before dreamed or
heard of, are established No such
thing! They all had been thought out,
shapedA and written into the statute
by the men OF genius who made and
perfected the Sherman law They
knew when they made it that it was
what they had intended to make. They
also knew all that it could do; in fact,
the very things it is doing at this very
time.
And to those Executives and legisla-
tors who gave opinions as to what the
plain, straightforward Sherman law
could not do without amendment, the
makers of that law said: Try the
Sherman act and see IL it will not do a
great deal more than some of you
really would like it to do!
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12
4 Business Letter.
a girls name on this egg"

Il see girls name on this egg"
I'm"
Also her address. I shall write to
her"
Forget 1t. Nothing in those egg ro-
mances"
NO romance about this. I propose to
ask her II there Is really any money In
the chicken business"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12

this conservatism will prevail The
present outlook is that the doors are
to be thrown wide open for the incom-
ing of foreign products. In that event,
history will repeat itself in the re-
pudiation of the Democratic attitude
upon the tariff.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12

| much attention to cooking. We spend
millions in this country teaching our girls
to write in a neat round hand. which will
go out Of style, as soon as the new copy
books come in. But we spend very little
In teaching them how to take a pint Of
-four and treat it with benefcent re-
suits.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-01-12
Convincing.


PROM JOdge.
Crawford-In regard to the turkey trot.
what has convinced you that il is vulgar?
Crabshaw-I find it's always part of
the performance where they give re-
6ned vaudeville.