The Washington herald., 1913-05-04
FLAME OF DOMESTIC WOE
TANNED BY OUTSIDERS
ny JULIA CHANDLER MANI.

Here is q poor little letter, the words o.
which are all run together with tears
but not 50 much that cannot make ou
1.-THE story. Of the woman. who says sh.
wants me to know the mistake she ha,
made and to pass the message on to you
because she is sure that the thing she
has done is done by hundreds Of Other
women every day in the week, and that
1t will keep on being done by other women
as long as they continue to allow their
Temptation Of confiding their troubles to
other folk outweigh their sense of 10y
atty.
| Just a little while ago she married
just the incest man in the world. and
now she has left him, and she's the most
miserable girl in Washington" The
cause of it all sounds childish, but when
the facts come out II is just the sort OF
childishness which brings shadow'to thou
sands of homes where only the sunshine
was intended to Turk.
The young couple. after their marriage,
did deal of entertaining. because they
were both genial and sociable in tempera-
ment. and liked to have their friends come
and see them in their new-found happi-
ness.
Period of Adjustment.
a period Of adjustment to new conditions.
q new environment. a new life. And be-
cause all the men and all the girls who
marry them have many petty faults, 1t
often happens that even a very deep love
Is not enough to prevent friction in the
home of the newly weds-little misun-
derstandings which are only mole hills,
but which look like towering mountains
to the bride and bridegroom, because they
both lack poise and see the faults Of each
other through supersensitive eyes.
This very experience brought my corre-
spondent many hours of tears and her
young husband as many more of brooding
or of irritation. as his mood invited, all
of which would have smoothed itself out
as the two gained poise and adjusted
themselves to double harness had II not
been for the coming of one too many
friends and the weakness Of the woman
who found her comfort in confiding her
troubles to other folk more to her liking
than loyalty to her husband.
And as is always the case. there were
always those more ready to listen and
add fuel to the flame of discomfort than
there were found others to point the way
to better understanding.
Chief Healer of Her Wounds.
Among those who frequented the new
little home a certain bachelor friend OF
the young husband was one of the most
constant visitors. He found amusement
in the vivacity of the young wife. and Vt
f1attered him to be able to extract her
small griefs from her one by one until
he found himself the full recipient of her
confidence and assumed the role of chief
healer of the wounds which married life
inflicted.
He was so sweet, SO understanding.
and sympathetic" is the way she has
put the matter to me- And. 1 may add.
was always on hand to offer balm to the
poor brushed heart Of the little bride.
whose troubles grew larger and larger
with each recital; whose mind and heart
became more incensed each time her
husbands friend 90 told her she was not
called upon to stand this, that, or the
other; that a woman who allowed this
sort of thing was sacrificing her self
respect; that another concession to the
''narrowness' of the man she had mar
ried was beneath her dignity, until. be-
tween them, they succeeded in making a
fine, honest chap seem a beastial being.
who was totally incapable Of appreciat-
ing a sweet girls love, while, as a mat
ter of fact, the man in the case was
suffering more acutely than his wife. be-
cause he gave his perplexity no outlet
in expression.
And, of course, the thing grew. The
sympathy of the ppofessed friend of the
couple kept the girls Indignation over a
thousand fancied sights tuned up to high
O. until, in a moment of temper, she
packed up her buds and went home to
mother.
The sequel Of the thing is the usual one
The man who kept the flame Of the girls
imagination burning bright became indif-
ferent and neglectful after she had taken
the very step which he advised. Her
home folk cannot be made to understand.
for the injuries which looked so great
when she talked them over with her SYM
pathetic friend dwindled into such insig-
nificance that she could not eveAremem-
Der them when she wanted to present
them in horrible array for the inspection
of her clear-eyed mother. And as for the
husband-well, you can imagine the be
fuddled condition of his brain and the
generosity Of his heart when I tell you
that he has gone to the young wife and
shouldered the blame for the whole af-
fair. asking her to come back and help
him try again.
The Whole Truth.
THE tragic part of it is that not a bit
Of IL was necessary" she writes me.
And there's the truth!
I dare say that half the marriages which
seem uncongenial unions, half the folk
who find themselves unable to understand
each other, owe their unhappiness to an
outsider, if they did but know it.
There are scores Of women ready to in
flame the hurt CT a less experienced
woman with a naughty assurance that
THEY will not take such things from |
THEIR husbands. And the assurance is |
PURELY BRAG, for there isn't a woman |
In the world who does not overlook a |
thousand faults in the man to whom she |
is married il there is any semblance |
of peace in her home And, |
what is more, hubby overlooks just as |
many little unpleasant and irritating |
traits in her.
It's all a game of give and take, this |
interesting game of marriage, /
so ii Is foolish thing to believe either /
the man or woman who assures you that I
he or she gets perfection in the life |
domestic.
Every attractive vile can find a ready |
Ear into which she can pour her marital |
grievances, but it is sorry thing to do,
both because it is disloyal and because |
rouble is sure to brew as a consequence
If such indiscretion.
There's SO many little conjugal tangle
which will straighten itself out IL onIy