Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1913-12-16

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dividing line between the two is so
faint as to be almost unrecognizable.
Some wars are more humorous than
others, just as plays vary in the num-
ber Of laughs they get over.
In this respect our late war with
Spain and the resultant insurrection
in the Philippines might be classed as
Uncle Sans funny war. 1t began to
produce humor before shot was fired
and continued to produce long after
peace was established.
There Is the tale Of the Spanish df-
plomat who was Dragging about the
prowess Of his nation to an English
man.-The war, which the world hour
ly expected, would be only an outing
for the Spanish army and navy, ac-
cording to the enthusiast. He had
never visited America. The English
man had.
1T will be simple" he said. I'VE
will capture a city on the seacoast
somewhere, say in Georgia, land an
army of $4,000 or $4,000 men and
march up the coast to New York, TAX
ing all the cities on our path.
The Englishman smiled.
YES" he said, 1T might be done
that is, If the police in thos rious
cities didn't arrest YOU"
Most of us can remember the furry
of fear that manifested itself in every
city on the Atlantic coast when war
was a certainty. Every port wanted
guns and ships to defend it. Delega-
tions besieged President Mckinley,
asking that battleships be sent to stay
in their harbors and defend their cities
Such a policy would have been suici-
dal, but still the nervous people both
cred every official in Washington. One
delegation, headed by a politician with
a pull" was particularly insistent.
Finally President Mckinley sent for
his secretary Of the navy.
Send them a ship Of some kind" he
ordered. So an old obsolete, useless
monitor was manned with naval mill
tiamen and sent to that port. The peo-
pie forgot their fear under its protec-
ton. Fortunately no one told them
that the monitor couldn't have whip
ped a large sized row-boat.
All the organized naval militia was
called into active service during the
war. The New York contingent in
cluded some rich men. One of them,
a naval enthusiast, went as common
seaman. One day several naval OFF,
GERS on a warship were admiring a
fine steam yacht that was coming in
the harbor.
81 wonder what palace that is?" one
officer asked Some millionaire's, no
doubt"
That's the yacht Exeter, SIR" a
seaman spoke up.
How can you recognize her from
here?" the officer inquired.
Because 1 own her and have orders
for her to be here just at this time"
was the reply that astonished the Of
ficer.
Colonel Roosevelt relates story Of
the first days fighting at El Caney.
After the battle a number of officers
were telling their experiences.
How did you get in the fight, Roos-
evelt?" a regular army officer asked.
MY men were marching in columns
of twos and 1 deployed them as skir-
mishers when the firing began" Col
onel Roosevelt replied.
But" said the regular, that can't
be done" According to parade ground
tactics it couldn't. There is no order
for you to give" But Colonel Roose-
welt had found an order. This is what
It was:
Scatter out there now, quickly!
Scatter! Some right and some left"
A similarity in the flags Of two ma
tions almost caused tragedy just af-
ter the naval battle of Santiago. The
American fleet had destroyed all the
Spanish vessels, it thought, when a
strange warship appeared and steamed
directly toward the American fleet. 1t
flew a red and yellow flag that looked
like the Spanish ensign. The Ameri-
can ships Immediately concluded that
it was a scout ship for the fleet Spain
had started toward America a few
days before. Guns were trained on the
stranger and everything made ready
to blow it out Of the water. Fortu-
nately 1t was discovered in time that
the new arrival was flying the Austri-
an flag.
One of the best laughs of the war
came from Guam, small island in the
Pacific that Uncle Sam overlooked un-
til the war was nearly over. Then Ad-
miral Dewey was ordered to send a
ship to Guam to capture it. The Char
lesion sailed from Manila to perform
the task. 1t arrived before Guam and
began to lombard the hills back of the
city, where, it was naturally supposed,
batteries would be hidden. There was
no return fire. In few minutes gay
ly decorated barge could be seen leav-
ing the shore and heading for the
Charleston. The firing was stopped.
The Americans supposed the Spanish
governor was coming to surrender;
but the Spanish ensign, not a white
flag, flew from his boat. The Spanish
governor came over the side and began
profuse apologies for not returning the
salute.
"Salute?" the American captain ask
ed.
"Ah, yes; your beautiful salute from
the big guns, instead of the little ones
ordinarily used. 1t was superb; but
we have no powder to answer with" He
had never heard that his nation and
the United States were at war.
A somewhat similar case was that
of the Spanish gunboat Callao. 1t
came steaming into Manila Bay few
days after Dewey had demolished the
Spanish squadron. Admiral Dewey
sent the gunboat Petrol to meet the
Callao. The Petrol fired shot across
the Cal!ao's bow. The Callao came on.
Another shot went through the CAL