New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-04-25
AS | WAS SAYING

The Income Tax approaches, ana is now 80 he"i
that can the whites Of its eyes. But there
are not enough liars Too bad for IT is essential 10
lie to an Income Tax. Otherwise the little rascal
will discover how small our incomes really are and
any body what use will be made of the scan
da Backmail.
So We should all prepare To tell lies. which Wheh
viewed in the proper light. are much less sinful IMAM
the vulgar have asserted. As first aid to the hes-
tant we jot down the following crumbs Of comfort
From Breton fshwfe All yes. | said my hsh
were fresh when they were not: but God KNOWS II
was 10 my advantage
Scientists tribute to celebrated nature faker:
''Do not call our good friend liar He IS merely
endowed with "A creative memory
Lawyers definition OF lie: "DeceivinS a man
who has a right to the truth"
From circulation liar: Il don't expect my lies TO
be- belle, ed. but endeavor to stretch the truth SO
enectually that never be got back into shape
again"
We have remarkable Cabinet just as Score
tary Daniels comes out for the biggest thing in
nayies. Secretary Bryan besrldes the Dove Of
Peace digs his spurs into its hanks, and, swinging
his cooked hat like Paul Revere. is off in cloud ot
dust after the Nobel Prize Success to william y
perfectly peaceful individual he can say. as does
the newly arrived English suffragist. Il have never
personally killed soul" Besides. he has plan 10
abolish the navy. He told it to NJ. Philippe MhIet
several wears ago and Millet wrote 1t home to his
paper where read il with most respectful snorts
Of elee. No navy. no bother. Should hostile feet
come and threaten TO blow up New York We should
say To the admiral: BLOW her up II YOU want. but
We shall certainly damn YOU for sewages' Natu-
rally the admiral would cut for the high seas
screaming: Mon caro- Colt! O. s.
Hearing that an intelligent Bostonian had reg
istered ut the Plaza waited upon him regarding
the question W : II. has been asking the papers
We said: Honestly. now. what is it that the Bos-
ton barkeep puts into a Manhattan cocktail besides
ginger
Let ms proceed phlosophically," said our Bos-
tonian Let MS begin with principles. and inquire
what are the three Christian graces Of cocktail
Obviously my dear sir. they are these-havor. feel
fuddIe For flavor employ ginger: for feel we
add a little barbed wire then, to insure the rotary
psychosis known as fuddle. We introduce japanese
Waiting mouse
Remarkable. truly, We trust. w. 5. II. is now
satisfied
Hope al last for the unemployed. Merely by COM
municating with Mr. Fritz L. Schmidt. ir, who runs
n poetry school by correspondence from Tampa,
Fla they can rapidly become self-supporting. We
have read Mr.. Schmidt's prospectus with singular
delight especially this sample Of his own impas-
stoned
O Central Park I love to roam thee DER
To wander long thy thousand shady WAYS
Through greensward dalos and wooded knobs. whose
Fill me with love for Natures charms galore
Really there is nothing like poetry to occupy the
unemployed. Lays for the lazy
Up in Springfield. Mass. where the New England
conscience turns out anti-imperiaism and rifles,
they call their Democratic paper The Republican"
And my my what a solemn old sheet it is. THE
popularity OF fippancy." it means. lis alarming
symptom OF the time
Pshoh We don't say, Personally much
more alarmed by such symptoms OF the time as
those horrid horrid bills indicating the end of the
month: and that daily nudge in the ribs at D. m,
symptomatc Of time TO get up; and that grimly re-
Ientless little printers devil with the cloven hoofs
and blue fire coming out of his mouth, whose ar
rival derails our train of thought and proves that
nothing on earth can prevent the next minutes
being going to press time. As for iippancy pray
open your soul the universe. let in the light of
the eternal verites, and ask yourself what IS so
egregiously blasphemously SO egotstically flip
pant as trying to be solemn
As vehicle of truth the lapsus lingue is fast
coming into prominence. Only yesterday strug-
Cling young publisher hurled himself into our arms,
stammering ecstatcaly: -whadiou think. old
got h-b-b m r T.,