New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-07-07
AS | WAS SAYING

There's reason" for instance; or he won NC
happy till he gets it,
BE auotable Thus you make half the population
your willing sandwich men; and just think what
oceans of printers ink you save! once started
your advertisement goes whooping down the cor
ridors of time and nothing can stop it.
This is why the men of genius who write adVer-
tsements cudgel their brains for self-repeaters'
Also it is why no salaries are thought too prlncey
for those men Of genius. So be it! They earn their
keep Only the other day of them produced the
immortal masterpiece that millions are now quoting;
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you rlue
on the Railroad"
When last they met, Smiths dentist had locomo-
tor ataxia in one eye binder the other and Or
ders from the oculist to knock off work. So Smith
hoped right into the chair like sensible little man.
and had a tooth filled.
We mention this placid incident because Smith
took risk TO rid himself Of agony and people often
prance to the surgeon much the same errand ana
at almost the same risk. The dentist might nave
killed Smith. Smith knew IT,
But now listen to dear good, fussy Ella wheeler
Wilcox who thinks operations for the sake of peace
and comfort sheer fol-de-ro, and insists that we
should never uxuriate in them except when total
extinction stares in the face Thus Ella:
ANY physician who is ready to make positive
statement that operation is the only escape from
death for a patient ought 10 be willing to put mat
statement in writing. No man or woman should
submit to the knife if his physician refuses to do
this"
whew! Run away, little girl! This chatter dis
turbs us.
Imagine a physician signing statement like that!
Would YOU? Not much, Suppose the patient
should back out after all and somehow survive
and turn up grinning with horrid mean Hello
Doc, Got the laugh YOU now" and twit you the
rest Of your days! That might happen. you know
for some patients grin while they acne
Better not chance it, as the safer way is 10 smooth
things over by wishing the rebel short life and
merry one and promising 10 come to his funeral
and saw Tee ee" Generally the opportunity VIII
arrive enough.
This explains why we have so scrupulously avoided
poking fun at dear, good, fussy Ella Wheeler Will
cox She Yields mighty influence. Thousands
will take her advice and how the jolly process OF
elimination will advance the intelligence Of the race
BE a man Of Culture and Power! The -
Course in Practical English will awaken latent pow
ers and ambitions. 1t will develop personal mag
netsm concentration. will power, and build up
personality that will command recognition and add
vancement"
Our first reflection meeting this announcement
was "????" But presently felt better. At all
correspondence whereas lion tanning, violin playing
elocution and locomotive engineering studies few
can master with real success outside the asylum no
matter what the prospectuses say.
And IL strikes us that Practical English Will GER
talnly insure recognition and advancement How
did Mr. Bertram Lewellyn McKilte win his emf
nence in the business world? BY Practical English
Trotted about among captains Of industry mention
ing "the mystical esoterc cryptogram," and bowled
A. ;oht apd left y
brains," they said and made him General Manager.
And Just see what happens when people are de-
prived OF Practical English. As this Is the season
Of open windows and wonderful growing weather Tor
teeth numerous cases now within carshot, and
how they do squa This is because they have no
other language. Up brethren! Enroll them In the
new correspondence school! Much hulabaloo will
be averted when they have learned few simple
easy, practical swear words.
Rarely 10000 plays year are written in America,
whereas they tell us that France. with less than
half our population, writes nearly three times as
many PLAYS No wonder. Dramatists enjoy great
liberty in France They free to depict life IN all
its myriad aspects. They can employ any plot, and
light it up with a gay, versatile, un!rammehed
humorosity. Everything goes.
Hence the multiple varied spendors of the drama
in France-one problem, one plot, one joke.
The third annual repavng of Fourth avenue be-
low 14th street" has greatly puzzled Mr.. r. T. Will
Jams who watches the uptearing of perfectly good
pavement and wonders why so many inoftenslVe
stones are carted away so frequently and then re-
placed with others just like them.
We know Mr. Williams, but are ashamed to tell
you.
The camels coming An association has been
formed and inducements ore being held out TO camcs
all over the world Soon shall be simply over
run with them much to our advantage, as really
there is nothing so versatile camel Think Of 1t!
Beef, milk transportation WOOL shoe Ieather ana
sublime cussedness. all in one beast!
Cames should thrive in America. for this is where
they started. Fossils prove it. And we think they
will tend to raise the level Of intelligence here
We have much 10 learn from camels When they
encountered our American summer, with its Internal
heat they had the to cut for the Sahara.
And now comes a shocking fellow declaring that
crane Juice ferments inside the man. Hate to look
at il that way but perhaps this explains!