Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1913-05-12

al t'lI'I III tlt' tai ia &tttts l-L-s
following news story on tile session
I'VE. " it:6riectcd Champ CLARK,
sQuriy "an.I tGey SAY 1t The Sfat2
Dtpar,i91ar y0G are There Vet,
H.. ~"OEte she was taken away from ne
ty-an oyster Bay pirate. continued
. Rryar lie filled her with false
hopes. put Rll' Taft in command and
then ne SCutflcd her.
Perrose Smoot Appears
Pcnrosc Smoot gained entrance to-
the Light. $50 the old hooker r LET:
terson~ Platforms coming in tonight?
! Not il nay names Penr0se Smoot. Its
a narrow channel between Radical
Reef and Reactionary ShoaE If the
light should fail tSinister Eilusef,
she'll pile up on hi. sensi0n Rock. It's
a desperate chance hut LIN desper-
ate man IIaTk, | hear footsteps!
Aha, It's the Girl, have it; III wreck
the platform and then once aboard the.
e iugger Bill and ne girl is mine. Bat
bark ye, Bin. no violence. :
: Tariff confronted PenrOse Smoot
in the tower OF the Old Light He
tries to WOO her BE my own little
, CGltdttEt N.
Your conduct and Schedule X are
inGcfen&iblen
II. You refuse muh ?"
Il veto yuh
Then you are a tariff for revenue
Qriy?"
= 4 m poor unprotected girl"
+. Don't sou want protection
Il might take a littleZon Florida
oranges and North Carolina cotton
goods, Louisiana Sugar and Texas
steers
Penrose Smoot tried to kidnap
! Miss Tariff; Oscar Underwood enter
/ cd on the run. biffed the villain and
remarked, ,Gcd pity the poor sail
}orS al sea on such night as this!'
Bryan returned and decides TO sleep
! In the light tower His snores were
disturbed by Penrose Shoots cutting
off the light; SO that the good ship
! Platform would 20 on the rocks Ter
rifle hand to hand struggle between
| Bryan and Penrose Smoot Take
| th3t and that, and that "Stung
| again" cries Bryan, as he falls Pen
| rose Smoot darts for the door "Once
aboard the lugger''- but Oscar I'm
derwood blocks his way. Turn on
that light"
Too late, the Platforms on the
rocks
Not while Oscar Underwood can
WELD cutlass. Defend yourself"
/ PenrCse SmoOt fails as a result of
a terrific duel (thrce up and three
down All hands pour in. THE
| Platform rides safe at anchor in the
roadstead
Can you speak herr" asks Bryan.
anxiously.
! $1,000 Office Seekers Aboard
McAdoo hailed the Platform and
asked if they have tariff revision
on board. The reply is negative Cur
rency reform on board? No Civil
Service reform? No; nor Philippine
! lndeDendence or antitrust laws.
We'll, what have you got aboard 2"
Fifteen thousand office seekers ;.
Bryan stepped to the front OF the
stage and helplessly extended his
hands toward Mr. Kaufman. prcsi-
! dent Of the club, saving: Mr.
| President what shall we do?"
! Mr.. Kaufman bent over President
| Wilson for moment, then said -
j President Wilson saws take the
ship to- sea again and scuttle her"
| The Gridiron Clubs musical skits
| arc always Of high quality, but moth
| faS better has been done than the
| adaptation of THE Chimes of Nor
mandy" the story Of which centres
around al old chateau. the chimes of
which will not ring until the rightful
! heir returns.
The Chimes Of Normandy"
| Jcffersonian Democracy. returning
Ito the White House encountered Mrs
| Grundy, who insisted that he could
not get along without her. Her fol-
| lowers sang:
oh, YOU can join MS at your ease,
In receptions or pink teas
But he replied:
! | might care to meet Won there,
# | had the time to spare.
! Chests appeared the ghosts of
/ High Protection, Imperialism aad the
Money Trust. The ghost OF. High
+ Protection. sang
The ghost of high pref cction,
Once he ran q shop
! Since the last election
| He has no place 10 stop:
This led M TO President WILSON'S
! speech. which, like all other speeches
of guests at Gridiron Club dinners
! cannot be reported A paradoxicaI
! rule of The club is "Iadies are always
fDrfsent, reporters are never pres
lent"