davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
Some Eater.

4 southern congressman relates how, when he was once making campaign tour through the interior of MissIssippi, he came upon negro cabin, across the threshold of which lay darky and a pickaninny of pernaps eight years of age.
 The child was voraciously devourlng a plate heaped high with chicken, vegeta- bles, corn bread, and other bits of food in manner, it was plainly to be seen, that commanded the elder negro's hearty admiration.
 "Is that your child?" asked the con- gressman.
 "Yes, boss he's shorely mine.'' an- swered the father, with broad grin.
 "He's got pretty fair appetlte.'' re- marked the congressman. after mo- ment's silence, during which the picka- ninny finished the plate and produced a huge section of pie.
 "Purtx fair, boss purity fair" said the father. "Jes' look at him goin' after dat pie P Then, after a further period of silence, the proud parent added:
 s'Boss, it ain't no use a-talking,' dat chile's got pow'hful inhoonce over food. Onct he gifts his upper lip ovah a piece O pie, it's his pie, boss it's his pie !"-Harper's Magazine.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
Plenty of Time.

Congressman John Thomas Watkins, of Louisiana, told a story to demon strate that too many of us are prone to rush needlessly,
 During very foggy night some time ago, the congressman said, the minister in a small village was walking along the street when he fell into an excavation that was not properly lighted.
 A oountryman. who was passing, re- sponded to his cries.
 "Who are ye ?" asked the yokel eau tiously approaching and peering into the foggy depths, ian what are ye doip' down there?"
 "I am the minister" came the voice of the dominic. "l fell in while wal liking along the street."
 The minister. eha" rejoined the yokel. "Then what are ye kickin' up SO much fuss about? Ye won't be needed until Sunday, an this is only Wednes- day night"
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
At the Finish.


 Oh say, what is this thing called Fame and is it worth our while? We seek it till we're old and lame, for weary mile on mile we seek gem among the hay, for wheat among the chaff and in the end some heartless jay will write our epitaph. The naked facts it will relate, and little else beside; ''This man was born on such date. on such date he died" The gravestones in the church yards tell all we shall ever know of men who struggled passing we'll for glory. long ago. They had their lridescent schemes aud lived to seem them fail ; they had their dreams. as you have dreams, and all of no avail. The grave stones calmly tell their fate, the upshot of their pride. "This man was born on such date, on such date he died" The great men of your fathers time, with laurel on each brow. the theme of every poets rhyme-where are those giants now? Their names are written in the books which no one ever reads :; and on the scroll-whare no one looks the record of their deeds. The idler by the churchyard gate this legend hath espied "This man was born or such a date. on such a date he died."-Walt Mason.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
Where the Laugh Comes In
"I like a squalling baby"

'I like squalling baby"
 The crusty bachelor said,
 "For when it starts it's racket
 They yank it off to bed. The goody- -goody baby,
 They give it too much pap.
 Which always starts it it~coughlng
 When 1t sits on your lap" -.t
 Philadelphia Press. Alternative-Another way just as bad. Smart Set. Discretion is the better part of ardor. Smart Set. Nell-"Are you very particular about how your chaperon looks?" ..# Belle" yes-l want her to look the other way" ."-Boston Transcript. "His wife has parasol to match every dress"
 And he?'' Him? Oh, his shoes are mates. ."- Boston Transcript.
 ''I would walk on hot ploughshares for your sake. my love-" "Yes, and the minute you tried it, you would get cold feet. "-Baltimore Amer. ican. If I had my way" said the asser- tive man.
 "Yes. yes," said the sardonic friend, but you speak too late. You're mar ried now."-Washington Star.
 "Old man Wombat is an honest old codger."
 Whats he done, Hiram?" Returned book this morning that he borrowed from me in 1875. .''-Ex- change.
 "Prof. Domehead appears to be very learned man." Yes only on an extremely hot day can the thermometer rival him in the number of degrees. Buffalo Express. "Women are certainly trying hard to become mans equal"
 "Oh. think you wrong us. All the women l know seem ambitious to go for ward rather than backward. ."-Houston Post.
 Mrs. GAdsby-"How are you spending your vacation?''
 Mrs. Grubb-"Sewing for Madam Modeest.'
 Mrs. Gadsby-"Oh, my dear !''
 Mrs. Grubb-"I have to earn the money. Pm sending my husband abroad this year. "-Judge.
 "The opposition ,r s'idate is perfectly wild; he says you hay been telling lies about him."
 You just think he is perfectly wild. Wait until after my speech tomorrow. I'm going to tell the truth about him. I" Houston Post.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
Words We Daily Butcher.

| Are either and neither pronounced "eether" and "neether" or "eyether'' and "neyther?' This question, much disputed, is answered in favor of 'eether" and 'neether" by Julian w. Abnernathy in useful little book en- titled Correct Pronunciation. says the Kansas City Star. Not single modern dictionary gives "eyether" the prefer ence, says the little book, and goes on to quote Richard Grant White, who says "eyether" is an affectation and a second rate British affectatiou at that. Which should hold the "eyther" advocates a while.
 And now about the word vase. It's pronounced "vace," whether it comes from a ten-cent store or Tiffany's. Wage" is wrong, says the look, and "vawz" IS vulgar. Another tally for us old fashioned folks.
 Perhaps you've been confused by hear ing people talk about rice" and finding out afterward that they meant the noun "rise." We'll, they were wrong. too. A straw vote of the best modern dictiona- ries hands the preference to "rize" as the proper pronunciation.
 Another word that is frequently mis. pronounced is depot. It should be ''deepo," not "deppo' or daypo."
 Our old friend Jean Valjean, of course, is properly "Zahn Valzhan," and the great state of Kansas is pronounced as though the first were 2. The folks who insist on making it soft are all to the bad.
 J. Pierpont Morgan is 'finnanseer," not "fynanseer."
 The Renaissance is pronounced 'renasans," accent on the last syllable, not Renaysans, and Salome gets her last syllable pronounced.
 Poets are filled with the divine "af- flaytus," not the divine "afflaatus.
 The ruler of Japan is the Mikado, with the accent on the second syllable. as all serious minded students of Gilbert and Sullivan know, and never the mick adoo.
 Gibberish is pronounced with a hard 2, and not "jibberish,'' and the word f1accld is "flaksid," not "f1asid."
 Amateur is "amaturr, not "amatoor" or "amachoor."
 The Autlpodes-Australia, you know they are pronounced "autipodeez."
 When the wind soughs through the branches it "sows :" never "suffs."
 A faucet is "fawset." not a "fasset." :"
 These are only few examples. The book contains two thousand words which are commonly mlspronounced, and eight hundred proper names, which are fre- quently improperly spoken. A little
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
What the Other Fellows Say.

A local undertaken will bear me out in this. Last week truckman who had been engaged by the undertaken to do some work entered the undertaking rooms when there was nobody in attend ance. Espying carefully dressed corpse lying full length on board, he shouted: "Say, mister, wake up there. What do you want me to do?-Pittsfeld Eagle.
 Bad forest fires owing to drought. While campers do we'll to clean up on leaving for home, they need not take pains to sweep the 'embers of their fire out of sight in the underbrush. Hart ford Post.
 Can any man who has been member of the state Democratic central commit tee for seventeen years retire from poli- tics? Judge John J. Walsh, of Norwalk, says he will endeavor so to do, and none will deny that he has earned the retire ment he seeks. But will he enjoy it3- Ansonia Sentinel.
 You don't have to believe the charges of Greeks, Servians or Bulgarians to know that there is dreadful work going on in the Balkans. The vile and cruel Turk gets kind of exculpation by the proof that those who have cried out most against him are just as bad.-Waterbury American.
 Missouri starts in to show the world how to have good roads without cost to the state. Its governor essays to make all able bodied citizens in the rural dis tricts to give two days work in road re- pair. But he is ,only reviving there an old and long since abandoned New Eng land custom, one which would be wholly inadequate in results in these automo- piles days.-New Haven Journal Courier.
 Now the Balkan war has degenerated into a competition in barbarity, if the despatches that are getting through the lines are to be credited. Waterbury Republican.
 How would the tax payers get their moneys worth out of the fire depart ment, if the Fourth of July did not come along to give them something to do?- New Haven Union.
 The loftiest conception of patriotic celebrations of some Young Americas is raising hell and destroying other peoples property Shore Line Times.
 Congress is planning to save $3o,ooo 2 year by furnishing its members a cheaper kind of stationery. According to the usual Washington way of figuring. this saving should make it possible to spend a few millions more on badly designed public buildings and in opening to navi- gation several more insignificant creeks. Bridgeport Standard.
 Colonel Mulhall talks just as if he had obtained his political education in Con necticut in the good old days-for the select few-not so very far distant.- Bristol Press.
 Litchfeld Enquirer says, "People can give most emphatic amen to the fol lowing from the Connecticut Western News: What blessing is the oil upon the streets during the dry, hot season, when without it the dust stirred up by the endless procession of speeding auto mobile tourists would choke the com munity to death.'" Yes, and with it we also have our troubles. If you don't be- lieve it ask the housewife. It won't take you long to get an answer.-New Ca naan Advertiser.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
AUTO LAWLESSNESS.

There is today no greater menace to safety of the public generally than the drunken chauffeur and as the number of automobiles is rapidly increasing, the public danger increases in proportion. No person who has occasion to drive, whether by team or auto, or who ven- lures to walk across the road, can feel secure from the drunken chauffeur. He knows no law and is no respecter of the rules of the road He is no more competent to drive car than is raving maniac to run free in the streets. armed with @ gun or 8 stiletto The driver of the Tingue auto which killed horse and seriously injured several persons at East Canaan, Monday night furnishes case in point. He stopped with his party, at the Garfield, and ordered drinks at the bar. The bartender finally, according to the testimony, refused to sell him liquor, telling him he was already too drunk. He was advised in friendly way, by Deputy Sheriff Rhoades, that he had all the liquor on board that he could safely carry. John Nicoll relates that he offered to drive the car to Norfolk as he considered the chauffeur in no fit con. dition, but the drunken driver resented all advice and said he was never too drnnk to ''drive his own car.' Persons who saw the car going east remarked that the driver must be drunk. as the car was going at terrific speed, and swerved from side to side. At the point of collision, the driver of the horse drawn vehicle, seeing the autos lights approaching, drew out of the road, which is unusually wide at that place, and left space enough for two autos to pass, between his left side and the beaten roadway, but the powerful machine. steered by it's drunken driver left the road on the same side and was heading direct for the big woodpiIe of the lime company, going, somebody says, 70 miles an hour, when 1t struck the horse and carriage, knocking them thirty feet upsetting itself and rolling over and ever, wrecklng itself, frame and wheels.
 No other equipage, team or auto, would have been safe from destruction by that wild car on the same road, that night The rules of the road were a dead letter.
 The place for drunken chauffeur IS behind the bars.
 And while we are on the general snb- ject of automobile transgressors, the drunken chauffeur, while he is probably the worst menace, is by no means the only one. And if there are any laws at all governing the conduct of automobile drivers. there is no reason to believe the authorities, hereabouts, ever heard of them. In the matters of displaying lights, speeding, allowing autos to be
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
1t Won't Work.

"Pierpont Morgan" said western congressman, "splenidly enlightened the Money Trust Committee on the subject of credit when he sad that. no matter how many billions of credit a man might have today, he'd lose it all tomorrow if he did single wrong deed.
 "Mr. Morgan declared afterward to me personally that credit depended alto gether on integrity, and man who tried to do wrong and at the same time main tain his credit was as silly as the Hart ford Schoolboy.
 "This boy and some friends, he ex- piained, wanted to get into a baseball game, but they had no money. How to cheat the gateman They could think of no scheme. For a long while they were hopeless. Then suddenly the boy in question exclaimed, in . delighted voice
 '"I've got it, fellers. We can all walk in backward and the man'll think we're comin' out ? "- Washington Post.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
MIR. MELLEN's RESIGNATION.

Referring to the resignation of Presi- dent Mellen, the Hartford Times says: ::
 1.-The resignation of the presidency of the New York. New Haven and Hart ford Railroad company rendered inevit- able Tn April by the death of J. Pier pont Morgan land not by the Stamford accident or any other cause) has come not moment too soon.
 1.-The conception of harmonious sys- tenn of railway lines permeating every part of New England does not belong to any one man. But it was the relation ship between MT. Morgan as controll- ing owner of the Northern Pacific rail- road and MT. Mellen as it's successful president which caused the transfer of MT. Mellen to the New Haven company in 1903; and this transfer was made be- cause MT. Morgan had seen a vision of the future railway system of New Eng land and had told MT. Mellen to go ahead and make that vision reality.
 'sIn the development of this great un- dertaking an acqniescent directorate was obviously necessary, and it hardly needs to be said that, in carrying out plans which require at least ten more years for their realization, the directors wlsh whom MT. Morgan and Mir. Mellen had surrounded themselves at the New Ha- ven board included no man who was capable of taking the place of either of them in this great enterprise"
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
Crowded Cnt for Space.

Charlas R. Taylor, Jr., one of the owners of the Boston Globe, was very busy in his office one morning when there appeared before him Charles s. Howard, the dramaGis editor of the paper, with big kick about his criticisms hay ing been cut down so that they filled a very little space.
 Cant help it," said Taylor. crisply. The paper is crowded with advertise ments and they mean money. We must keep that dramatic stuff cut down."
 Well, by thunder ' exploded How ard. II guess next year you'll be order ing me to write worthless criticisms"
 "Oh. mo-" said Taylor, lightly "not worthless, just spaceless.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24

run by inexperienced boys and women, blowing horns at dangerous corners. slowing up for frightened horses, giving road space for passing vehicles, etc., judging from the manner in which tourists tear throug the town in disre- gard of all restraints, and without pro- test or hint from anybody in authority,
 there might as we'll be no auto laws at all on the books.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24

study of it will enable you to bowl out almost any of your friends frequently, besides tending to improve your own vocabulary.
 Careless and slipshed enunciation among presumably cultivated people, |" the anthor says, ''is probably more oom- mon in the United States than in any other country in the world. A French man is proud of his speech and treats 1t as a fine art, while an Amercan regards his speech with indifference or con- tempt.n
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
OUR DEAREST HOPE.
BY EMMA RoDEMEyER WAIT

If life were all a summer day
 With an unclouded sky, Our hearts would ne'er with joy expand
 As sunset time draws nigh. So, too, if we ne'er knew a care,
 If tears ne'er dimmed our eyes, We'd miss the dearest hope of all, 2. The peace beyond the skies. Then come what may of good or i'll,
 We will in safety rest; For He who guides our fragile bark
 Knoweth just what is best.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24

A man intoxicated fell headtong out of a wagon in front of the Town Hall the other day and struck on his head. He was not as much as even scratched. If 1t had happened when he was sober he would undoubtedly have broken his neck.-New Canaan Advertiser.
 Undoubtedly. But it wouldn't have happened if he had been sober.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
Letters From the People
Those Crosswalks. s.
Editor of The News :

To the Editor of The News:
 It seems to me those "crosswalks" which are being made at Roraback's cor ner and Railroad street are going to make automobile tourists think bad things about the town. X.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24

Weary Willy-"Lady, wuz wunst 8 prosperous merchant had lux urious home, an honorable name, an 10 bloomin' an highly educated daughters !"
 Mrs. Wellment-"What brought you to poverty ?"
 Weary Willy-'My daughters insisted on marrying highly educated men, an I he'd ter support 10 families. '--Puck.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
NORTH CANAAN HAS
,pulatiop ,f s,171, (census of 1s1o.)

A population sf s,17t, (census of 1910) Two railroads
 National and Savings Banks. Trolley railroad extending through the Berkshires to Pittsfield and beyond. Up-to-date High School and first-class school system.
 Five churches.
 First-class hotel.
 Fire department. including chemical en- zine.
 Ten miles of State Roads. Electric light and power plant, Complete Sewer System. Never-failing water supply and the best water in the state.
 Wide-awake Business Mems Association. Extensive lime and iron industries. Fraternal and benefit societies. Brass band.
 Up-to-date department stores. Pure air and wholesome climate.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24

Two auto smashes within AS hours al almost identically the same spot "Deat Mans Curve'' IS being rivalled righ here Tn Canaan.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24

The good sidewalks movement is nov ing on. George O. Peet is the latest tc give it a boost
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24

The vacation season is at It's height for those for whom the vacation season is at it's height.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24

A perusal of the truthful tale of a cat, which appears on the first page must convince the most skeptical that the cat can "come back"
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
feurs.

The reckless chauffeur and the wreck less chauffeur are two different chauf feurs.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24

Get Together. Pull Together. (Con. fidentally, dear reader. this chestnut doesn't mean anything. It's reiterated week after week from force of habit. That's all.)
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
THURSDAY. JULY A. 1913
Don't Mind the Cloud.

Don't Mind the Cloud.
 There are nettles everywhere, but smooth green grasses are more com mon still. The blue of heaven is larger than the cloud. Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24

Subscribers are requested to notify the pub sher promptly of aMy failure to receive papers reg ularly changes of residence etc.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
THE NEWS AGENTS

Extra copies of The News are on sale at the o6lceof publication and at
 Dempsey's Drug Store, Canaan, Post Office, East Canaan. D. H. Oakes' Store. Lakeville, Post Office, Falls Village, George T. Johnson's Store, Norfolk, Scutt & Rood Ashley Falls A. L. Dickinson. Salisbury J. W. Morgan, Great Harrington. Mass.
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
, AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM

The News should appeal with special force to the sagacious business man.
 It has an extensive circulation in Western Connecticut and especially throughout Ltch- Aeld County and SoHthern Berkshire.
 It has a competent staff of wide-awake cor respondents in the various towns to report the local doings each week. and goes into the homes and is perused by the entire families Of the thr1fty, intelligent, reading class of people whom the long headed advertiser most desires to reach
Connecticut western news., 1913-07-24
FOR SALE

FOR SALE-old newspapers in packages a for cents, 50 for 10 cents. Tho Canaan Printing En
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1913-01-21
Suggestive Dances Forbidden,

Should there be an inaugural ball
despite President-elect Wilson'S wish
to the contrary, there may be no tur
key trotting, bunny hugging nor griz-
lilly bearing, if it is held in the Pen
sion building. Representative Roden-
berry Friday offered an amendment to
the resolution authorizing the use of
the Pension office, which is worded as
follows:
1.-The grant forsrhe use of the Pen
sion building for the inaugural ball is
expressly upon the condition and with
the limitation that for the prevention
of acts of public indecency the follow
ing so called dances are absolutely pro-
hibited:
Grizzly bear gyrations, the bunny
hug, tenderloin movements, the turkey
trot contortions, and all like vulgar
isms of the hooche kooche dance and
all similar forms of gymnastic conclu-
sive movements suggestive of the de-
generate revelrles of the segreg ated
districts"
William G. Eustis, chairman of the
Inaugural committee Friday held an
informal conference with several mem
bers and discussed President-elect
Wilson'S request that the committee
consider the feasibility of emitting
the function.
1t was decided to learn more of
President-elect Wilson's wishes before
taking formal action.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1913-01-21
Promise to Humanity.

Broken bones repaired and wounds
healed while you wait" This is the
promise that the present year Of grace
holds out to suffering humanity, ac-
cording to no less an authority than
DR.. Alexis Carroll of the Rockefeller
Institute of Medical research and win
ner oft he Nobel prize of 1912 for the
most important discovery in the field
of medicine and physiology.
Nevertheless DR.. Carrel's prediction
that the present year will see the mar
vel of broken bones knied and in use
within four days and wounds healed in
a single. ay should not be taken too Sc
riously. The new surgery NAV do both
of these amazing things and more,
but it will be we'll for the public mot
to bank too heavily upon the realiza-
tion of the prediction.
Caution in navigating an ice coated
sidewalk will continue to be almost as
necessary as in the days when the
consequences of at fall included
months stay in hospital. Nor will
the wise man deliberately undertake
to stop the progress of a SO calibre
bullet just to Demonstrate that DR..
Carroll. in an excess Of enthusiasm,
did not eXaggerate.
We are willing to admit on the
strength of past performances that
medical and surgical science will make
rapid strides in 1913-very likely the
most rapid ever made since the philan-
thropic wayfarer set out on his mission
of relief. But it is always better to
ACCEPT results as they come than to
count too much on representations.