davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02


is known as the Dogspital. No refiec-
ton on the hos, but just for consist
ency's sake. Well. poor old Rover tried
to restore order, and would have saved
You II he could for my sake. but what
was the use? The Initiative, Referen-
dun, and Recall were all three right on
the job from the minute made that
terrible admission, and there was moth
ing to do but let that yowling mob have
its way. You were strapped on plank
like a shad in roetime, and rushed inn
mediately on to the operating room,
and there, in the presence Of a multi
tude Of swapping, snarling citizens. they
experimental on you to the queens
taste. They inserted a penny whistle
in your windpipe to see what, If any.
effect the continuous sdueaking of that
musical instrument would have on your
caloric nerve. They removed your liver
and ran it through a clothes wringer
to see whether 1t could by any possibil-
ity be the seat Of brainstorms resulting
in distemper, and then after placing a
couple Of copper pennies. four suspender
buttons and a hah-pound Of brads in the
middle Of it, they put it back, fastening
it in place with thumb tacks and boiling
carpenters glue"
The Doctor wiped his mouth with his
napkin and pushed his plate away.
when saw them dipping the liver
in the glue I protested quietly to the
Judge, but he shook his head hopeless
ly," said the idiot
81 can't help it. old man. he said.
I'VE BEEN WAITING TWENTY
YEARS FOR THIS MOMENT. WE
NEVER HAD A SHOW AT A REAL
DOCTOR BEFORE, and while, Of
course, ne will suffer some when he re-
gains consciousness, you really ought to
think of all the good that will result
from these experiments in a more
healthy canine race in the years to
come
Convinced by this argument, ceased
to protest for the moment, and turned
again to the horrid spectacle" said the
Idiot. This time I observed that the
operators were removing your digestive
organs. and putting an automatic coffee
grinder in their place. This adjusted,
they made you swallow porterhouse
steak. bone and all, to see whether or
not by certain internal improvements of
a purely mechanical sort, substituting a
machine for the ordinary processes with
in you, it would be possible for man
or a dog to bolt his foot without serious
impairment of the digestion. The ex-
pertinent did not work smoothly at first
owing to the difhculty of getting you to
swallow so large a piece Of steak, but
after they had pulled out your teeth,
and removed your tonsils, with a little
hard showing they managed to get it
down. Fascinated by the awfulness Of
the spectacle, unconsciously drew a
little closer, and observed to my horror
that you had ceased to breathe
"'Great Heavens, Judge 1 cried,
they've killed him.
".No,' said the Judge, putting a re-
assuring paw on my knee. 1T looks
.t,,& ,-o1- but tbaxy havap't-vaf Tbav'ya
merely removed his lungs to make room
for the steak. That little Mexican Hair
less Assistant over there will keep them
going all right with a pair OF Antiseptic
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

-HE IDIOT, as his friend, the poet,
put It, was a trine white around
the giIls. Ordinarily the first
conner at the breakfast table, he was
last this morning and his step lacked
Its wonted ginger.
@Fm not very hungry this morning,
Mary" he said to the little creation in
dimity who stood awaiting his order
.shut suppose I've got to eat some,
thing. You might bring me-er-well, a
little oatmeal, four eggs boiled three
,,,inutes. a touch Of salt mackerel some
steak. medium rare, three rolls and
er-as many fried potatoes as you can
balance on the end of a soup ladle
You might also bring me some buck
wheat cakes and a couple Of waffles. ~
ovhat's the matter, old man?'' grinned
the Doctor. ION your feed this morn
ing?''
yes" sighed the idiot, as he helped
himself literally to the blue berries.
..Yes-rm down and out this A. NJ. AS
Jonah said when he landed in the
whales stomach, I'm all in. had a
whole garage-fuI OF Nightymohiles
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

the Land Of GAMMA. Wed hardly
shaken the salt water out Of our ears
when we were put under arrest by q
shaggy Newfoundland dressed up In q
copper's uniform, ana hauled before the
Department OF Justice on q charge Of
having no visible means of support, and
suffering from pronounced symptoms Of
hydrophobia. The capital city Of Can
inia was YeIpton-on-the-Bark, and was
a populous-looking town inhabited en-
tirely by dogs OF all sorts, going about
their business in very much the same
way that you find human beings doing
hn other large centers like Kalama-
zoo, New York. Chicago, and bingham
ton. Fortunately for me, discovered
at the moment I was arraigned before
the Court that the Chief Justice, was
an old friend Of mine gray-headed
old pug named Rover, that used to be-
long to my Uncle Jim OF on his farm
at Pikeville. Rover and I, If I may
put it that way, were pups together,
and the moment the good old creature
set eyes on me he turned and whis-
pered to the Prosecuting Attorney. an
eagie-eyed Irish Terrier. that there
wasn't any need to. proceed in my case.
He said my style of hydrophobia was
harmless, confined to a fear of cold
bath in winter; and that as for my
ability to support myself he would per
sonally answer for that. He licked my
hand twice, and then asked me to sit
on the bench alongside of him. which
was glad to do, since Il would enable
me to put in a word for you when you
were brought in. had hardly got set
tied comfortably in my place when you
came. trembling all over. because there's
no use denying that that old Newfound-
land cop was a vicious beast, and ought
TO have been muzzled for the protection
like a lot of our own police. Thinking
OF course, that a single word from me
would save you, I turned to Rover. and
told him that you were a friend Of mine
and were Just as capable Of supporting
yourself as I was.
"Finep said the Judge. And what
is the gentleman's liner -
why said i, In my terrible inno-
Gamma he's q nocfors
well, SIR" continued the Idiot. with
a shiver, you ought to have heard the
roar that followed. Judge, Jury. Prose-
cutting Attorney, and Populace-or rather
pupulace-fairiy went mad with mingled
joy and rage. They frothed at the
mouth. and bayed, yelped, howled,
barked, and growled like all possessed.
II you can imagine & colossal dog-hght,
on a scale, say. Of the Battle Of Water
loo. you'll get a faint idea of the sat
urnalia Of sound that greeted my an
nouncement. A Doctori Just think of
it-a Doctor in the hands Of an Intel
ligent Race Of CANNES, living under a
civilization quite as advanced as our
own! Can you imagine what happened? 20
The Doctor shuddered and nervously
poured the maple syrup into his coffee.
THAT WHOLE BARKING MOB
CI.AMoRED TO HAVE YOU vIvI-
SECTED!' quavered the idiot. fixing
tense gaze of pity on the Doctors
pallid countenance.
"'To the DogspitaI with him: To the
Dogspital with him. they howled.
'I should perhaps explain" said the
Idiot, interrupting his narrative for q
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

speeding over my chest all night long"
"NightymobiIes?" echoed the Doctor.
That's a new one on me. What kind
Of an Internal machine is a Mighty
mobileT'
tits the substitute OF this mechanical
age for the Nightmare" said the Idiot,
with wan smile. patting the cream jug
gently on the bottom In the vain hope of
Ioosening up just one more drop Of con-
densed milk. Don't you know, Doctor,
that just as the mare has to step aside
for the motor, so the Nightmare has had
to subside in favor of that Touring Car
of Dreamy Woe called the Nsghtymo-
bile?''
'T hadn't heard Of it, said the Doc
tor. I've had some rather dizzy-pated
patients in my day, but SO far none of
them has had the nerve to complain of
anything of that sort A wholesome
dread of the bughouse has doubtless re-
strained them. fear your digestion is
going back on you"
IAN right Doc" said the idiot, wear
lily. Put it on your bill. and"
"You ought to take" the Doctor
went On.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

stop right there. please" interrupted
the idiot. Il know what I ought to
take, but I haven't got the time Just
now. Fact, is, haven't eaten that last
batch of pills you gave me yet, and I'm
not going to be on with any new pre-
criptions until I've swallowed the old.
It may surprise you though. Doctor. to
hear that all my sufferings are entirely
on your account
my accountr' said the Doctor. incred-
ulously.
Yep" said the idiot, spearjng a rasp-
berry on the tablecloth with his fork.
'eYou were the first walking gentleman
In the drama Of my dream, and 1 want
to say to you right now that it was aw-
full, and it was a great relief to me
when I walked in here this morning and
saw you IN your accustomed place viyi-
secting that waffle with all your Old-time
dexterity, If anybody should have a
shaky hand this morning you're. the
chap, but in accordance with the usual
provision of nature that an conspicuous
Offenders these days do their suffering
BY proxy. you get on scott free. while
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-20
!. A Letter to a Lad of 10

scuffle and push one another in
the atsles.
Boys whose dress and general
appearance denote well-to-do
parents hurry into car seats with
their school books in their hands
while ladies stand swinging from
straps beside them.
It is a curious commentary on
our much-vaunted public school
system that such manners can
exist after boys have entered
high school. What good will their
knowledge of books do them If.
they are to grow into young man
hood unconscious of their selfish
boorishness?
Good manners are the very
foundation Of a good education.
Without that foundation the ed
ucation win not stand the test Of
time.
congratulate you, my dear
young friend. that you have been
so beautifully taught the small,
gracious courtesies of life, and
that you put them to use so
charmingly. A well-bred boy of
good manners and gentle deport-
ment is an ornament to the world.
And he is sure to make friends
wherever he goes-just as you
have made a friend of me without
suspacting II.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-20

old man came aboard the car, and
you rose and gave him your seat.
And you lifted your hat, as you
did this. with charming courtesy.
All these evidences of good breed
ing were silent compliments to
the mother and father who
brought you up, and show how
fortunate you are in having had
such good guidance.
But there are many boys of
your age who do not practice the
lessons in good manners which
they have been taught at home
when they are in public places.
They seem to think it is not a
matter of Importance, and they
allow the exuberantS spirits of
childhood to get the better of
their training.
In every part of America one
may see boys of your age and old
er boys and youths pushing past
grown people to enter public con
veyances, showing no courtesies
to elderly men or women. and sit
ting While others stand, and in
innumerable ways making them
selves annoying to persons Of good
taste.
They shout to one another from
end to end of crowded cars; they
eat fruit and candy and peanuts.
and chew gum in public. and
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-20
By ELLA WHEELER WILCOX

Copyright, 1913. by star Company.
HAPPENED to be in a street
ear with you and your mother
yesterday. was so impressed
with your good manners that /
asked a lady who was talking
with your mother TO tell me who
you were after you left the car.
So now I am writing to YOU
quite an unconventional proceed
ing on my part, but the difference
in our years will excuse the in
formality.
I happened to be sitting near
the entrance Of the car and saw
you stand aside TO let some ladies
step into the car before YOU came
on. and l saw you assist one old
lady who was somewhat lame, and
you did it in a very gentle and
modest way which quite capd-
waited me.
Then you steadied your moth
er's arm as she was about to take
a seat AT one of those hold fast"
places. and You took her purse
and paid the carfare and re-
turned the purse to her. all so
quietly and neatly and with a
businesslike air.
After we had ridden a few
blocks and while your mother
was talking with Bier friend, an
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-20
A COUNTRY DANCE
By WILLIAM F. KIRK.

IT was held in hall neither dingy grand,
And the various details for beenp planned
= An untuned piano whose a riddle
Was half Of the music and a fiddle
First then the other wellmeaning musician
Sneaked out for tankard liquid ambition
1t was Just two couplesw "a high tenor toot)
Then Just couple" Then Partners saute!"
Now with the dance, flying wildly
Till Joy unconfned" would putting mildly
Tall grangers and short ones collars bereft
Did Right hand to partner and grand right
1t surely shndig, party, thought l.
More noisy and crude hurried by.
But there wasn't person in all that array
From the ciderfled clown temperance Jay,
Who dreamed of the Grizzly Bunny Hug twists
Or the Turkey Trot dance which insists;
Not of those stunts" suggestivenes stained
That from the dives they remained
There dearh of politeness of dress A
And the dance ended in a I guess. "a wEH
Just plain country dance, glad 1 there 7ETFgF
Not back in the city swell affair"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-20
WRITTEN FOR THE GEORGIAN
By REV. DR.. JOHN E. WHITE
Pastor Second Baptist Chtlrch


~ET on the band wagon of
7 the universe" This exhor-
tation of an astronomic
moralist writer about the music
of the spheres and the rhythmic
sympathy between men and the
stars sounds perfervid and i'm
possible.
But when the EARRING jointure
Of slang and solemnity passes
off. reflect on ii. Forget its sug-
gestion of political parasitism
which we despise in politicians.
The Higher opportunism.
Forget the repugnant type of
evangelism it brings up-Billy
Sunday, cracking his whip in the
big tent and exhorting the people
to Strike the sawdust trail in a
hurry. for the gangplank Of THE
Old Ship of Zion" if they want
to go to heaven.
Consider the fact, both practi-
cal and sublime, that irresisti-
Bile forces are at work in the
world, inevitable movements of
mower outside OF us are on, and
the band wagon of the universe"
is no Joke.
The grand motive Of human
progress is the passion for sue
cess.
The martyr, no less than the
charlatan, is moved by It, though
in a different direction. He goes
to the stake because the stake is
the way of life and achievement
for him. The apparent failure he
submits to is his gateway of vic
tory. For the joy set before him
he endures the cross, despising
the shame.
The will of the higher powers
presents itself and he mounts
upon it. The movement of
triumphant purpose which can
not fail ripples as a tide at his
feet and he steps out. not con-
quered but conquering, to be
borne onward.
Some call this faith and some
call IT the higher opportunism.
Statesmen and the Common Mar
Below the martyr is the states
man, scientist and the common
man.
The politician looking for the
band wagon" becomes the states
man when he drops his selfish
ness and becomes a serious stu
dent of the inevitables in democ-
racy.
Nothing finer than Henry Clay,
standing on a peak of the Rocky
Mountains, bending his ear, and
saying: 81 am listening for the
footsteps Of the coming millions
of this continent" The prophetic
element in statecraft is the pow
er to discern and take advantage
Of Irresistible currents of civili-
zation
The biographer of Cecil
Rhodes, the empire builder, says
he began his career in South At
RIGA with a deep bordering Of
Providence. Il am going to find
out which way God is going in
South Africa" he said, and go
that way"
The scientist also seeks for the
band wagon of the universe. He
begins with the conviction that
the universe is an organized
Omnipotence. By so much as
possible, he discovers its laws,
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-20


and when he has found them he
knows he is a comrade of the
Invincible and the Eternal
A great chemist paused before
an important experiment and
said: Young gentlemen, be quiet.
I am going to ask God a ques-
ton" H.
John Kepler, as every school
boy knows, discovered the laws
Of planetary motion, and ex-
claimed in scientific ecstasy:
Great God, I am thinking Thy
thoughts after Thee!"
The common man recognizes,
though often dimly, that success
is harmony and cooperation with
forces beyond his control. with
which his will and working are
only an inferior partnership
The best farmer is the man who
clings closest to the band wagon"
of nature.
Whoever starts his life work
with the conviction that this is
not a multiverse. but a universe,
a cosmos and not a chaos, is in
the line Of safety
Better Get On.
It is the best guarantee Of sue
cess, a sort of cosnic accident
policy, which insures him against
accidents by making them practi-
cally impossible.
When they told Thomas Carlyle
that Margaret Fuller had said
that she was going to accept the
universe as she found it, the
testy Scotchman growled, cad,
she'd better"
Now. the band wagon" of the
universe is not a vague vehicle Of
religion and philosophy. There is
a movement in this world down
to every mans level, and if men
do not catch on to It they inva-
riably get run over
There are moral currents run
ming like rivers toward an in
evitable ocean. The smaller trib-
utaries which swell the great
stream Of manifest destiny are
the moralizing, enlightening, en-
nobling and purifying movements
of our day. and they run by every
mans feet.
The undermining of evil in the
world is almost a visible process.
The movement toward sobriety,
the enlargement Of womanhood,
the concern of the child, the en-
thronement of peace, are the
band wagon Of the universe.
Passing down the street, did
you see a sign like this? This
house is coming down" It is a
fair warning. The contract has
been let. Before long, when you
pass the spot, the house is gone.
In the same inevitable destruc-
tive and constructive way the
movement Of the world foredooms
the fall of evil institutions and
foreordains the physical, mental
and moral upbuilding of life. The
very constitution Of the universe,
the laws of nature are against
the wrong doer; the very consti-
tuition of the universe, the laws of
nature, are on the side of man
who does the right.
The trend Of things is working
steadily and irresistibly for the
defeat and overthrow of some;
the trend of things is working
steadily and irresisttbly for the
vindication of others.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-20
Punish the Real Pro-
meters of the Bribing,
Numbering Railroad
December 80 1912 follows in The Boston American
New England suffering under the oppressive mOnOpc
Haven and Hartford Railroad.

~ Ne" England sueg un0 s oppressive monopoly " I'll" Nc" rA Nc"
is disposed t Of \
in doing o 0 DIdnn II
The dog said often bite the stick that beats him But the ntshg" and educated
this nation should have more dnm" than that foolish animal an"
"Mden is not responsible for creation Hartford Il
resultant OF that II
o /
New /
lar and for the /
tenn because the processes essentially those of tn" hsh"aym"n of high finance h
commodity Oh controlling e H.
erapHarss
institutions mOnOpdzed their intrinsic value H
in Il
the til" the dH
The citizens must then accept the inadequate service and pay the tona charges =
which essential their development
aOn mg@ Ell
saying your money
situation would be more accurately described it, view the disasters the Me-" York and
y
The power to ng State murders its patrons as part Of its reasonable plan daau the
peoples Government #
very the =
rHe into trolley bill further and "a
York +
and Ne" Haven monopoly which makes money out plumber and murder and '" under y
punishment
collective criminal the individuals responsible for this collective mnal
motive which inspires this collective afmnar f Al
and %
qusua of the oov. crime of the New York and New Haven Ranrdq tie
he t. h happened o rere
defou epIch econdut o
Ifann bnbes has to
whoa fn h o
rsd9
responsible
for the ontnua the New Yrk nc iroad?
be mtedo ut Is m o e
1+.++
nismnt for
unhappy madyth and
the principal go ree
Morgan and William Rockefeller
nh the instrument nj How t t. cal
W o Of anarchy
place ande o il IN h bvous fn
then complain o h Of oucow
denogh undrh of
determined end esmn
to terminate
cesrs
Tbr is pa t N tetofin
y
ill be nohg o tn patf
mrepon
hundred +
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-20

sis
i dreadno o
her from
o
of the Fuse csseve
The Fusow was laid in
Overwhelmingly
rdreadnou
could be nexy
uJapanhav
are Immediately
his extra ssso provide OF a
a
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-20
Rev. John E. White
Writes on
The Great Band Wagon
Writes on

Irresistible Forces Are at Work-Inevita-
Bile Movements of Powers Outside of
Us, He Says, Are Catching On-Adjust-
ment to and Cooperation With Them
Is Success.
Tonopah daily bonanza. [volume] (Tonopah, Nev.) 1906-1929, 1913-03-04
PRESIDENT WOODROW WILSON
SCENES OF STIRRING ANIMATION
MARKED WITH SIMPLICITY ATTEND
INAUGURATION NEW president

monies, they were joined by the in
augural committee of congress, made
up of Senators Crane, Bacon and
Overman, and Representatives Ruck-
er, Garret and Mckinley. To this
committee was assigned the first
function of Importance in the days
proceedings, that of conducting the
new president and vice president to
the White House for formal greetings
with President Taft, followed by the
drive Of the presidential party to the
capitol Mrs Wilson and family, and
Mrs. Marshall remained at the hotel
to be escorted later by military
aide.
Meantime the escort for the presi-
Dental party was assembling in the
parkways adjoining the White House.
Foremost in this escort was the Es-
sex troops from Mr.. Wilson's own
state. With them, from Mr.. Marsh
all's state, rode the Black Horse
troop of Indiana One thousand
Princeton men with touches of their
college colors, view with the mounted
escort in number and activity
Mr. Taft and Mr.. Wilson occupied
carriages with members of the mau
gural committee; Mr. Marshall and
Senator Gallinger, president pro ten
of the senate, following Immediately
in another carriage with other mem
bers of the committee; carriages fol
lowing with members Of Mr. Taft''
retiring cabinet.
Pennsylvania avenue and the mali
thoroughfares converging at the capi
tol were packed from an early hou
of the day to witness this move o
the presidential party to the capitol
From the White House to the capito
steel cables strung along the curl
held back the spectators and traffi
was suspended.
At the capitol the committee o
arrangements was ready to condue
Mr.. Taft and Mr. Wilson to the maj
Bile chamber known as the president
ROOM Just off the lobby leading I
the senate chamber Others Of tn
committee waited to conduct MI
Marshall and Senator Gallnger t
the vice presidents room at the Of
posite end Of the senate lobby
The arrival Of the presidenti'
party was timed to bring it to tn
capitol a full hour before the opel
ing Of the actual inauguration Ger
mony at noon This was to give su
ficient time to Mr. Taft to sign bill
.
Tonopah daily bonanza. [volume] (Tonopah, Nev.) 1906-1929, 1913-03-04
The Power of the Press
AS An EDUCATOR.....

GREAT declared day
or more enjoyable those touch with
people IN all o life
course he referred to the hours reading the daily
p Ihe newspaper brings the world
"nu with the affairs country
your newspaper carefully tonight and night Discuss its
subjects at the table evening occasion
s itself The daily with af
splendid POSTGRADUATE the child
more general information in evening than they to learn
y school days
% m also pay you to read the advertisements closely and
~ every day. for they
opportunities eeonomze.