The Washington times., 1913-11-26
REALLY, THERE ARE
NO KICKS COMING
Even Emaciated Turkey May
Be Glad He Has Pip-at
Thanksgiving Time.

When the sturdy Washington citizen
fiourishes q ten-inch carving knife to-
morrow preparatory to committing
mayhem on defenseless turkey, it
should be with an unusually thankful
heart. for residents OF the Capital are,
in this year of grace 1913, almost too
lucky to live
For example. Government clerks
whose salaries have not been in
creased in the memory of man. while
Costa Living has broken all sprinting
and long-distance records may be
thankful that their income is less than
$4,000 a year, and they do not have to
pay any income tax. Persons whose
incomes exceed $500 n year do not have
to De told what to be thankful for.
If the late extra dividend of Il local
street car company had been per cent
instead of l per cent il might be cost
ing us as much to burn an electric light
as It does TO ride in a New York taxi
cab ana not win the everlasting con-
tempt OF the chauffeur which is the
extreme limit in. lavish expenditure.
Ihat is another cause for thankfulness
in this immediate VICINITY. Had the
| per cent limit been passed, we would
have had IL burn candles from now till
July In order to afford turkey.
Only Two Houses.
President Wilson will no doubt clasp
his hands in earnest gratitude when he
considers that there are only two houses
in Congress through which the currency
bill has to be jammed. Our considerable
forbears, who invented turkey dinners
on the last Thursday in next to the last
month, might have constructed Iegis-
lative system with four or five branches
instead of just d House and a Senate
and in that case a special session would
last as long as the legal difficulties of
Harry X. Thaw
On the other hand, members of Con-
Sress will doubtless remember with
grateful hearts the late julius Caesar
who only put twelve months in the
year whenhe took the calendar and
made it over just like a dressmakcr
now makes skirt out of an 1895
sleeve. If Julius had been as prodigal
with months as he was with epigrams
there might have been twenty-five or
thirty in year, most of which could
have been devoted to special sessions
without any vacations.
Have Real Cause.
Local suffragists are truly thankful
that the penalty for writing on the
sidewalk is not confiscation, ten years
at hard labor, exile. and electurocution.
They may also rejoice that Congress-
man Hefiin isn't twins and that men
are SO prone to err that women will
never run out of glaring examples Of
mismanagement on the part of TIE
sterner sex.
Nervous bridegrooms will doubtless
give thanks that they were, not mar
ried at the White House, where the
agitation of their knees and the low
temperature of their feet would have
been telegraphed forthwith to 10000
cities and read gleefuIly by millions
Retail merchants and an army of
local store clerks are thankful that
Washington buyers have the sense and
sagacity to do their Christmas shopping
early. and mail carriers, express wagon
drivers and delivery boys are CAD the
holiday season Is in winter instead OF
July %, when carrying 274 bundles,
totaling 81 pounds, might induce heat
exhaustion.
And Washington Santa Clauses are
glad they have the price to buy Christ
mas gifts. while those who have not
such funds, are glad somebody else has
the price. and the generosity to re-
member the less fortunate.