davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
POINTS ON POPULATION,
How a Rabbi Had the Laugh on 5ish-
op Potter.

How a Rabbi Had che Laugh on Ssh
op Potter.
"A 81 RS. CHAMP CLARK, who is as
I'VE well known for her brilliancy
in conversation as her husband.
the speaker of the house Of representa-
tives, is for his fame in politics, tells
this story:
The late Bishop Potter of New York
had a most unclerical relish for prac-
teal jokes and pointed anecdotes. His
cosmopolitan spirit loved men and
things, and nothing pleased him better
than to gather a group of congenial
spirits about him and swap jokes.
One day he met a friend, a distin-
guished Jewish rabbi. and said to him
in great seriousness:
rabbi, l am greatly worried about
a dream l had the other night. l
I died and went to the Jewish
heaven. And who do you suppose were
the only o~ccupants?"
Il don't know, I'm sure" said the
rabbi.
"Pawnbrokers and secondhand cloth
ing men, laughed the bishop.
The rabbi said nothing.
Shortly after, however. he met the
bishop. "Why. bishop" he said. II
had a dream myself the other night
YES" said the bishop ~uneasily, land
what did you dream:"
Il dreamed l went to the Christian
heaven"
"Well," pursued Potter. bracing him
self, whom did you find there:"
Nobody" answered the rabbi
Magazine.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
What He Waits For.

Judge Ito man arrested for v%agrancy)
You have no visible mean of sup
port. but suppose. like many others Of
your sort. you have some excuse.
Prisoner-Sure.
Judge-Wel1. what is it? Why don't
you go to work?
Frlsoner-Im waiting to pull off a
big business enterprise.
Judge-Why are you waiting? What
are YOU waiting for:
P~risoner-l'm waiting until naviga-
ton Of the air becomes general. Then
I'm going to get the right to paint adj
vertising signs on roofs.-Judge.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
Didn't Work.

"Whnt's the matter with Jones to-
day."
well. you sec. he invented Il splen-
did story to tell his wife when he got
home after midnight"
what of it,"
"Well, you see, the story was n
peach. 1t would have satisfied any
woman
didn't it satisfy her?'
ut might have done, but by the time
Jones got home he'd clean forgotten
what the story was."-Fun.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16

AYoT the ta'lest but the largest
Office building in the world Is
- the latest boast to come from,
a building enterprise. This
statement is made Of the new Eqnita-
bic Life building. construction on
which will be begun in March. on the
site Of the old Equitable building.
which was destroyed by fire. at Broad
way, Pine, Cedar and Nassau streets.
in New York.
The new Equitable structure will
constitute a romance in building con-
struction. 1t will have unusual equip
ment in many directions, looking to-
ward the comfort and convenience of
its thousands Of tenants.
Thirty-seven stories high. the struc-
ture will have a greater floor area than
both the Woolworth building. the high
est business structure in the world. and
the New York municipal building com
bined.
The interior of the building will be
finished in the finest marble and the
offices trimmed with mahogany. The
building will be practically four i'm
mense towers, having courts on Broad
way and Nassau street.
There will be groups of figures at the
entrances.
In the basement will be a cafe and
bar, a mems dining room.a ladies' din
ing room and a barber shop. and the
first floor will provide for banks on the
four sides. with stores in the interior on
the arcade, which will run from Broad
way to Nassau street.
There will be forty-six passenger ele-
vators. twenty running to the twenty
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
A Famous Victory.

IL would have you to know. sir, we
came over with William the Con-
queror."
ut must have been some kind of n
conqueror who could make you come
over with anything Baltimore Amer
lean,
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
To Remove Grease From Cioyhina,

Equal parts of ether. ammonia and
alcohol make Il solution that will read
lily remove grease from clothing. The
solution must he kept away from fire
and should be contained in corked bot
ties. as it evaporates quickly. but can
be used without danger. 1t
crease spots from the finest fabrics
and is harmless to the texture.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
Explained.

Your hair is falling out" said the
barber.
Yes replied the crusty customer.
you see. my skull Is so hard that it
cant fall in."-Chicago Record Herald.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
Effect of Mater on Metals,

Steel and brass are affected opposite
ly by heating and sudden cooling In
water. Steel is hardened in this way.
but brass is made softer. as is also COD
per and German silver.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
THE
PR/CE
ALONE

Does not place the val.
ue on an article of
wearing apparel.
For example, having
secured the workman.
ship of a young man re-
Gently employed as head
cutter for a high-class la
dies tailor of St. Paul,
and having started in
business for himself has
agreed to make my ladies'
tailor garments for
as little as $4,000, and
thereon advancing in
price according to the
quality of suiting used, a
remarkably low price for
the value received,
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
New Scales Solve Prohlems.

II 1t were not for the parcel post
scales. which have been designed spe-
cially for the new service. the latter
would indeed be Il cumbersome. COM
plicated, unwieldy undertaking. How
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16

.B1NTON LODGE NO. sb, A. 2. AND
~. A.-Regulaf ~communications Of the
~ above M led o. ge are held ct Z 80 D. n,
sV~on the first and third Mondays Of esch
month. Members Of sis tor L odgesand sojournine
brethren aFeeor daily invitedt to attend.
JOHN MUIR, ". II.
J.. N. C~HEsNur4, sec'y.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16

Think Of the Inconvenience and loss II your
deeds and other valuable papers are destroyed or
stolen. We have IRE and burglar proof eafetv
boxes for rent. Each box 10 absolutely private
- You will have the only key that will open It.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
New Equitable Life
TO Be Greatest
Structure on Earth

p OF the tallest but the largest
Office building in the world is
~ the latest boast to come from
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1913-04-16
BLANKS.

RIVER PRESS Fort Benton
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
DANES AND DAUGHTERS.

Mrs. Eebecca Law Of London is 100
years old.
While she was president Of the Gen.
eral Federation of Women's Clubs
Mrs. Philip n. Moore travelled over 49,
600 miles.
The first woman in Japan to obtain
Il license to drive a motorcar is Mrs.
Wolfe an American woman, the wife
Of a dentist in Yokohama.
The foreman Of Il jurysin Christiania,
Norway. is Il recently appointed wom-
an, Mrs. Randi B!ellr. She is said to
be the first woman in Europe 10 hold
this position. although women have
been serving on .iuries in Norway fol
years.
Mrs. Alice Il. Waxham Of New Yorl
calls herself Il chuulfcuse chaperon
which means that if you are a lone
woman in Il great city YOU can phone
her to take you shopping, calling, tt
the theater. the concert or to view tn
Great White Way.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
Train and Track.

Electric tube railways are being
urged for Glasgow.
The returns for the railways of the
United Kingdom for 1912 showed a fall
ing off in business. The total number
of passengers carried. excluding sea-
son ticket holders, was 1924 ,337 600.
as compared with 1,326,317 900 in 1911.
Japan at present operates 1,1S9 miles
of international railway, largely in
Manchuria. The first American rail-
way-of forty-five miles-was built in
Japan in 1882 under the supervision of
a Pennsylvania railroad engineer and
two young japanese graduates from
the Troy Polytechnic school.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
FIVE TONS IF
BEANS IN Mill.

Lander Wye, Dee. l3-Secause
Frank Welt. who conducts Il store AT
Dubois. 100 miles from the railroad,
figured out that it would be cheaper
for him to ship beans by parcels post
than to pay railroad and overland
freight on them, Bybce & Beard, who
have the contract to carry mail be
tween this place and Fort Washakie,
which is only - mile portion of the
100 mile star route to Dubois, wish
somebody else had it.
Recently Welty had 1900 pounds OF
beans shipped from Vowel, Wyo., to
Dubois by parcel post, the shipment
consisting of 60 packages of 90
pounds each.
After hiring a feight outfit to de,
liver this mai at Fort Washakie, Bybee
& Beard addressed letter of protest
to Welty. They received the following
reply.
"sGentlemen: Cheer up, the worst is
vet to come. 1 have five tons more of
beans coming from Basin by parcel
post. You should worry.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
Current Comment.

The chief trouble with the Latin
American republics is that they are
their own worst enemies.-Chicago
Record Herald.
The solution is not to prevent the
sale Of necessary poisons, but to pre-
vent their purchase by people who can
not tell the difference between lump
Of sugar and sardine.-Philadelph
Ledger
Now said that man is past his
prime at forty. A few years ago the
limit was forty-five. Give the wise
acres time and they will prove that no
man ever has prime.-Philadelph
North American.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
Automobile Runs.

Bridge jumping autos should be dis
couraged in a serious and sedate bust
ness community. Besides, the feat
rarely achieves striking success.-Bal-
dmore American.
So many autos are turning turtle
and trying to climb trees of late that
the suspicion begins to spread that
they are adulterating gasoline with al
cohol.-Toronto Star.
If you have murder in your heart
and crave the death of your enemy.
run him down with your automobile
and escape punishment That is the
up to date method.-Buffalo Courier.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
FIippant filings.

There are 10000 kinds Of butterflies
in the world. says an exchange, not
counting those who wear silk hosiery
on week days, we presume.-Detroit
Free Press.
If ever that foolish suggestion Of a
fathers day. should be somewhere
carried into effect the night blooming
cereus would be the appropriate flow
er.-Albany Journal.
Ignace Jan Paderewski, the celebrat-
ed pianist, says that music is in it's in
fancy. We believe most any neighbor-
hood can furnish corroborative evil
dence.-Boston Globe.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19

The. following program was carried
out:
Singing.
Invocation.
Singing.
Scripture reading and prayer, Rev,
S. G. Sarsten, Litchville, N. D.
Solo, Mrs. o. Carlson, Churchs Fer
ry. n. D.
Report from chairman of building
committee, Mr.. NJ. *. Lee.
Singing, Bethel string band.
Sermon, Rev. B. +. Josephson, Coop
erstown, N. D.
Singing.
Sermon (English) Rev. s. Wut'e
stad, Fargo, N. D.
Dedication of church building, Rev
T. 7. Hansen, pastor of the church.
Dedication prayer, Rev. c. B. Bug,
Winnipeg, Canada.
Singing.
Benediction.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
The Dictograph.

But the instrument most needed Is a
c0rrectiphOne.-New York Sun.
The detectaphone is all very well,
but wait until they invent an alibio-
graph.-Exchange.
A diplomat might provide for being
quoted with absolute correctness by
carrying his own dictograph.-Wash-
ington Star.
1t is getting so that man can't take
little "honest graft" without some
body producing detectagraph record
of the proceedings at the most awk.
ward moment-Philadelph Ledger.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
German GIeanings.

Germany is said to have an oversup-
ply Of foresters, so that well educated
men have hard work to secure even in
ferior positions.
A German economist. Professor
Wolff, estimates that by 1920, If the
present tendency continues, Germany's
birth rate will be the lowest in Europe.
Oratorio ever since the days of Han
del has enjoyed extensive cultivation
in Germany. Every city Of Importance
has its oratorio society, and many of
these choirs have become justly cele-
brated.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
NJ CUR|R}E.N AND
[)()RAN TONIGHT

Undoubtedly the greatest wrestling
match ever staged in this city will be
the one this evening between 2. H..
McGurren, of Crary, and Ed.Doran,
of Crystal The men will meet on the
mat in the roller rink in the Grand
Opera House building Immediately
after the Elks' entertainment
We anticipate one of the largest
crowds that has ever attended y
match in this city. Both the contest
ants are vel known over the state as
two of the greatest wrestlers of the
northwest and as both are out to win
the state championship the go vii!
certainly be 4 good one.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
CHILD IS GIVEN
CARBOL|C ACID

Rolette, n. D., Dec. 15.-Mrs. Mar
tin, who lives west of the railroad
track, in giving her son Flman
dose of ough medicine made mistake
and took it from bott Of carbo!ic
acid. It was thought for time that
the boy would die, but prompt medical
aid and the further fact that the boy
managed to swallow very small am
cunt of the acid probably saved his
1;a
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
FARMERS BUY
FLOODED STOCK

Ambrose, N. D., Dec. 16.-Roy AT
mold and R. W. Black left on the east
bound train Tuesday for points along
the line to buy blooded stock. They
will look around and make selec-
ton of as fine bunch of thorough
bred cattle and hogs as can be found
They expect to return in few days
with a carload of pedigreed cattle and
some fine hogs.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
EDMORE PEOPLE
ENTERTAINED

Tuesday 1T this week Mr. and Mrs.
MN. VanOsdel, Edmore, celebrated
the tenth anniversary Of their mar
riage by inviting in several of the
same friends who were present at the
wedding to a six O'Clock dinner. 1,
was most sumptuous repast, after
which the evening was spent in music
and games. Mr.. and Mrs. Crazy OF
this city went over to be present on
the occasion, returning home the next
day.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
f ARM[R KICKED
BY HORSE

Andrew Winningland, farmer liv-
ing near Edmore, was badly injured
the first of the week by being kicked
by a vicious horse. He received the
blow on the head and several bones
were broken and for time it was
thought that he would not recover, bu'
at the present time he is getting along
nicely and with a fair chance for his
ultimate recovery.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
panied Her PRIVILEGE.

II suppose that when you women in
the east are given the right to vote
you'll be like the woman heard of in
Colorado" said Mr.. Henpeck. rather
sarcastically.
"Why. what did she do?" inquired
Mrs. Henpeck sweetly.
"Oh. she Just stood in front of the
polling place one afternoon sObbing,
What do you think of those men; the
polls don't close for two hours vet, and
they won't let me change my vote,''
said MIR. Henpeck with grin.-New
York Tribune
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
Cost Of Living.

Make economy fashionable and the
cost Of living will be comfortably re-
duced. -Baltimore American.
Amid all the exciting events OF the
day the high cost Of living remains
f1rm.-Chicago Record Herald.
Wooden shoes are recommended to
reduce the cost Of living. BY increas-
ing the corn crop?-St. Louis Republic.
Perhaps the middlemnn can explain
how United States army cooks manage
to feed enlisted men OH II cents day.
Washington Post
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
ELEVATOR IS
TOTAL FIRE LOSS

Tuesday night the Farmers Elevator
at Grand Harbor, eight miles west OF
this city, was destroyed by fire, to-
gether with $4,000 bushels Of grain,
which was in the building at the time
The estimated loss is $4,000 and as
grain in the elevator is generally COW
cred by insurance at its full value
the loss will not be heavy one, cx.
cept possibly on the building which
was valued at $1,000, partially COW
cred by insurance.
This is farmers elevator and AL
Gresens is president Of the company
with J. U. Demars as secretary-treas-
urer. The cause of the fire in un-
known.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
As Others See Us.

"Mem-sahib" asked young East
Indian girl of her English mistress,
"why do you wear those sad colors?'
II am i'll mourning. l.attoo 1t is the
custom of IInT.i>I, l.3GicS.''
'But black is the color Of night,
mem-snhih. and yet y"u believe that
when you die you 20 to heaven at once.
Then why not be glad for your friends
who die and wear rolnrs such us we
see in birds and flowers and falling
water when the sun shines: All. we'll
Christians are strange people"-From
'"Tle Indian Alps"
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19

Getting In Out Of the Wet.
An ol,servant visitor at the Central
park menagerie noticed that the hip
popotamus invariably retreated to his
tank and remained under water when
It rained. He sought Head Keeper
Bill Snyder for the answer. Il have
never been able to explain it, Bill re-
piled. 1.-THE hippo runs from shower
like cat. 1t may be that the rain
drops tickle his sensitive skin to the
degree that he gets uncomfortable
Maybe it's only an idiosyncrasy that
the critter couldn't explain himself II
he could talk."-New York Tribune.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
TYPHOID FEVER
CLOSES SCHOOL

Kenmare, N. D., Dec. 16.-The city
board of health and the school board
met in joint session and decided that
III would be advisable to close the
school on account Of the threatened
epidemic of scarlet fever. Agreeable
to this decision the public schools were
closed that evening with the expecta-
tion they they will open again Mon
day, Dec. Goth. But one case of the
scarlet fever has shown itself in our
school, but on account Of the large
number of children who have been ex-
posedat the parochial school it seemed
best to begin the vacation little early
"a week earlier than had previously
been planned.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
HORSE
WAS I;ISECUTED

1almore n. D., Dee. Is :. vj,;2ns
nsr~,. MIS- . ,.uted here TO, his c:imcs
une time $50 he kicked L. Il. = -
aud .roNa couple of tle latter : ribs.
N,r .,.',,:.' the vice'lS equine at
tackled .io!m Winding'a !: = -
,n-,Dr- his face and l.~eaHr > :
.iaw.,cuc 4. injuries :! ~ =, -,ious
frat hc lid no recover ro'ts - $50 =
for four IS It was dog. cd - s.;'I
the horse ..
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19
FREE CHURCH
is DEDICATED

The dedication of the Bethel Evan
gelical Free church in this city took
place Sunday afternoon at 800 clock
and most interesting service was en-
joyed by the large aulience present.
Devils Lake weekly world. (Devils Lake, N.D.) 1911-1914, 1913-12-19

Be S. P. U. G. but not tightwal
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-11-29
THERE ARE NO GHOSTS

There are no ghosts, the skcptics say.
Dead is the rose Of yesterday.
The friends we love return no more
hy winding stair or secret door
Where little children blithcly play.
At twilight when the world Is prav.
And shadows rise in dim array,
There are no ghosts
yet once ] dreamed. from FAR away.
J heard her baby footsteps stray
Softly across the nursery floor.
Each football touched the hearts
deep core
II love could bring her back l-but nav,
There are no ghosts
r. f. Parr. I'm London sphere.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-11-29
GOVERNMENT SALE or TIMBER
LANDS

LANDS
There will be offered at putrc auction at
the places and times herein mined at MOI
less than appraised valuations about l2-g
600 acres o' timber lands with standing
timber thereon, whI'h includes about L.
O4H t1t, 500 feet Of pine, as estimated II
1911 and approximately lIl,8O0, 600 feet Of
hardwood, located i9 the Choctaw Nation.
southeastern Oklahoma. Sales will be held
AZ ldub' January 81 Hugo january y. po.
teau January = WlbHr,un January Is. and
McAlDster january IL 1914 BIDS may be
submitted cl'hcr In person or b. agent with
power ~ attorney Land and tim1rr win
be- sold together. Land classcd as agricul.
mral land will be oferGl Ia tracts not cx.
ceedur 100 acres. other lands in tracts not
exceeding Gao acres atl not n ore than
leo acres ~ agricultural land or NOR.
than one.tifth Of the total Of n0u.agricul.
tural lands will be sold to any one person.
Terms p per cent cash balance in three
with interest but payments may be com.
pletcd any time. Immediate possession civ.
en- after approval Of sale Residence on
land not required. Removal Of portions Of
timber permitted as paid for. The i'm
proyements on land consisting Of a few
scattered houses will be appraised and SOLD
with land and the owners thereof REIN
burscd where they are not successful bid.
ders The right 10 waive technical defects
In advertisements and bids, and 10 rejcc,
any and all bids is reserved Detailed IN.
'ornauon Including descriptive lists show.
~ quantity hnd appraisement ~ timber
and land In each tract will be furuished
without cost after October l. 1913. mana
showing location and accessibility 10 rail.
roads ~ each tract will be furnished at
cost Of 80 cents each Application for
both descriptive lists and maps shond he
made 10 the Commissioner 70 the Five Civil.
lived Tribes Muskogee. Okla CATO SELLS
Commissioner Of Indian Affairs.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-11-29

the PWama-Pacific international Ex-
I"."''n The compost ion is q gyp-
sum- rain-proof and of unading color.
lh Unit IL IS a faint ivory yellow ana
Us as smooth and hard as marble. The
exposition sculptors and their assist
'nt laNc formed social club. coued
inc 'TrWcrtino club" since they are
.h" Ii'sj scuptors to use the material
tor this purpose.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1913-11-29
Money &O ILOall

on household goods, 3lonos, dla-
monds or live stock. Rates reason
able Room 20 over =. o.. or phone
1868.
s,>~~~~~~>~~~~>~~~
high prices paid for second hand
Furniture ana Stoves We buy, sell
ana exchange New and Second Hand
Furniture.
HUMGARNER & DOWNING.
Phone 1853 1924 East Second