South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-12-12
STATESMEN, REAL
AND NEAR.
BY FRED G. KELLY.
BY FRED c. KELLY.

By FRED c. KELLY.
William Jennings Bryan is a man
who can eat choice food on short no.
ice and with much apparent relish.
at almost any time or place. One
would have 10 make a thorough search
TO find more hearty impromptu
eater than the present secretary OF
state. He can eat or let il alone, Of
course, but the odds are usually heav-
lily in favcf OF his deciding not to let
it alone.
The Bryans are invited cut for din
ner rather frequently. fashionable
dinner in Washington is not served
until between I and s O'Clock. or later.
whereas the ordinary family dinner will
taIl around half past six. This seems
10 Mr.. Bryan a grand little arrange
ment, as one can go home and eat
dinner at the usual time and then have
an hour or more in which to work up
an appetite for the next one Ever
since they came TO Washington, Mrs.
Bryan has been endeavoring TO per-
Suade the secretary of state to omit
the home dinner when they're invited
out, declaring that one owes il to
ones hostess to sit down to a dinner
with good piquant appetite. Mr..
Bryan readily comedies that she is ex-
actly right about the last part. BY all
means one should be gastronomically
mt 10 sit in judgment on the merit Of
each course his hostess places before
him. And that is why he likes to eat
a substantial dinner at home before
he starts out. The first dinner seems
to sharpen his appreciation for the
second. He really seems to have the
better side of the argument, for in
deed there has been no serious COM
plant Of his hurting the feelings of
his hostess by failing 10 eat what is
set before him or even of behaving
like canary bird. He may turn down
his goblet when they serve the wine,
quiet satisfaction that cannot fail to
please.
When Mr.. Bryan goes a-marketing
as he does Occa siOnally, he is certain
to see a great many things that look
appealing and appetiZing. At such
times he is just like a boy with a sack
of candy; he is not disposed TO wait
until some time off in the future to
taste Of the good things at hand. If
he buys a quantity of cheese, for eX-
ample he usually reserves a comfort
able slice OF the purchase for imme-
date needs. and eats it on the spot.
Sometimes he may be seen going about
from stall TO STALL nibbling with great
infOrmality at cheese, apples. radishes,
raw turnips, and one thing and an
other, until one might think he
wouldn't care for a bite of dirner.
But there is where one would guess
wrong
Nearly every noon Mr. Bryan finds
himself too busy to go out to lunch,
and eats right in the state department.
To start with he will consume a guam
tity of picked lambs tongue. He
keeps this near his desk at all times
for emergencies. The rest of the
lunch consists of cheese, crackers, milk
and two bananas. That layout seldom
varies.
Charles f. Hamlin, assistant secre-
tary of the treasury, was recently the
victim of neat little joke played on
him by circumstances.
The first stage of the joke consisted
simply in a friend happening in and
inviting Hamlin out TO see some high
grade moving picture shows.
mo" said Hamlin, with a decisive
shake of his head, that's the one thing
| have resolved not to do. I'm never
going to look at any more moving pic
lures 1t isn't you understand, that
feel myself above looking at moving
pictures. but I've tried it and somehow
l find that form of entertainment an
awful bore We all have TO do a lot
OF things in this life that we don't
care about but I'm at least going TO
have the satisfaction of lodging
moving picture exhibitions"
Within two hours after Hamlin had
thus expressed himself a strange thing
occurred. He learned from one of his
assistants that under the new tariff act
only those moving picture films which
are thoroughly moral in character may
be imported, and the treasury depart
ment is designated to determine the
morality of all films brought in. mas
IT, I. n nf G.
ury department is the one that has
charge of custom matters, it is going
to be UP TO him. He now has night
mareish visions o. spending hours
each day looking at miles of films
perfectly moral films, perhaps, that 1t
will be no fun at all to look at.
What makes ii all the more dis
heartening is the fact that Hamlin is
worth a ton OF money and just took his
present Job for the honor and sport OF
the thing 1t is said that his salary
lust about pays his house rent But
if he is going to have to spend ms
time looking at movie films, he would
Just about as soon take a job as book
agent.
Another Joke on Hamlin is this:
When he was in the same job that ne
now occupies under the Cleveland ad-
ministration he issued lot OF otf1cial
orders in regard to ways and means
OF enforcing certain tariff regulations.
on his return after the twenty-year
absence. one of Hamlin's first acts was
10 abolish a lot of Anticipated orders
that had been followed no one knew
how long.
who issued such rules as these
ruIes. ANYHOW? ." he asked.
And in order TO make this little joke
come ont right. il was fortunate that
there was a chorus of cries of You!
YOU"
downright. 1918. by Fred c. Kelly.
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