Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1913-07-10
Heard on the Streets
OF THE TOWN
BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN

a BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN
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1t is mighty embarrassing to borrow
money from deaf friend in crowd
1t is natural that general optimism
should increase with the abundance of
cherry pie.
Will the government experts who
are to investigate the oyster beds be
classed as chambermaids2
What has become of the old fashion
ed man who had to raise his vest to
get his hands into his pants pockets2
1t would he waste of material to
give some Audubon men horns. They
would only wear them off butting in.
OF course a swift automobile always
creates cooling breeze. The difficulty
is in raising the wind to get the auto
mobile.
During a summer some men acquire
hatred for the thermometer almost as
great as that they have for the kids
next door.
People in certain part of town are
getting mighty tired seeing a certain
woman Furnishing her little child in a
brutal and inhuman manner
Some of the men at Extra the 18th
seemed TO think the only way to pre-
serve their youthful vigor and effective.
ness was to pickle it in alcohol.
A gun that isn't loaded, swimming
hole that anyone can wade" and the
boat that cant be tipped over" are
three first aid to the undertaken.
He had been married 40 years,
says one of our neighberhood papers,
writing the obituary of deceased
citizen, and was prepared to die"
If thin girl and plump girl were
dressed exactly alike during this hot
weather the thin girl would be called
modest and the plump girl immodest.
Audubon boys hate soap and water
until they discover that there is a Girl in
the world After that their faces are
always chapped from scrubbing them
too much.
We have seen men snew at futile
feminine fashion and then go to .Jen.
sen & Viewers and use good gray mat
ter deciding upon the color of new
pair of CATERS.
We saw man drinking lemonade
through four straws yesterday. Here
is another reason why grain crop cul-
tivation should be encouraged to the
highest degree.
~ ~ btthpo SOi Odin iCjOW JiAi Al'ot
to find his best girl with search light,
we would advise that he get two search
lights. Then he might be able to find
her earlier in the evening.
From few casual remarks dropped
here and there it is understood that the
saloon men do not like the new law.
This is where the saloon mems views
differ with those of the w. G. t. U.
When you hear man knocking his
home town you can bet that he would
kick stray dog if he had q chance.
Why not all boost and make Audubon
the best town on earth of her inches.
Despite the old adage. some Audubon
people have married at leisure and re.
pented in haste. And such bold work
as was carried on Saturday night will
only serve to hasten an unpleasant
climax.
Madam" said local doctor to a
patient what you need is more Elk.
ercise, why don't you walk four or five
miles every day" And have people
think we've had to sell our automobile,
| guess not.
We heard man remark the other
day concerning one of Audubon's has
beens" that if his brains were dyna-
mite and some one should touch them
off the explosion wouldn't even tilt his
brown summer hat
There's something in this youngster
[ like said 4th of July visitor who
was trotting year old Audubon lad
on his knee. The boy looked at the
visitor queerly for few moments then
Say who told you | swal-
lowed a nickle.
Yes, it is hotter in Iowa nowadays
han on the isthmus, but they don't
grow corn in Panama. This weather Is
rot built around human comfort. 1t is
,art of the process of corn making. Hot
weather. makes corn and corn finishes
logs and hogs bring money to keep
and Florida real estate on
he map.
A fellow asked as which was the
,reatest thing in the world courtship
II divorceH Neither, kind reader. The
,reatest thing in the world is to have
title woman at home who is all yours
md who thinks you represent all
1t may not last long, but
hat is up to you. But you can't find
.nything else that gives you the same
ceiling as the knowledge that there is a
title woman at home who is all yours,
I hate 70 hear a man hraO that his