New-York tribune., 1913-06-29
AS | WAS SAYING

incurred for the fail-e never lions and tigers that
burst from the pinnacle in mid-Atanuc Vo-ho'
and for the trusty anaconda that draped himself from
the foc'sle to the cardboard strakes Gall hands save
ship and thence the mizzen-j jib-boom' our SouS
gentleman was met with Not by a long sea-mlle
YOU lubberr' and forced to fall back on the cat
To his glory be II said that served the cat with
great ecair but superstuous' ana uetes'
the very mention Of ships cats. There's reason
one evening on board shall not say what liner
as ghost stories hoodoo vessel We passengers Pai
took Of rabbit pot-pe. Delicious Bracing' reg
ular feast of it, Kept the stewards trotting TIL not
a morsel of rabbit remained.
Then we went on deck. little dreaming OF tne
shock that awaited us: for there. visible to us an
and striking chill to tho stoutest heart sat the
ships cat,
Honestly now is there anything wildly sub
versve and revolutionary about the President
white duck? Beloved let calm ourselves. In
color II recalls Mr. Wilson's lamented teo" -huhor-
ist Mark Twain. Ornhologically. 1t reviVes de'
Iightful memories OF Grover Cleveland at play
Takes grit TO wear IT, though. Any minute the ma
tional genius for heroworship may reassert ltsel'
and then-oh Lordy!-what laundry bills. as every
hit will show on white duck
Gayly as We have jeered the Lady Of the Period
we are not blind to her redeeming feature-naheI9'
the charity that covereth multitude Of sins
Looking out upon our aching world she sees many
INDECENT young women. Unapprecated at home, re-
iected bv the shop. plucked at the Asylum for the
Feeble Minded and refused at the Morgue they
have no one to love them but the Lady Of the
Period.
oh. the impsssioned tenderness. the exuberant
generosity Of that wondrous dame, Observe how enc
opens her house TO those unfortunates offering
them food and shelter. costly dishes to SMASH a
small fortune By way Of pin-money and a Joyous
exemption from and toll. When they turn
and rend her what does she do? Calls it the SER
want problem!
Search the Library OF Wit and Humor' and sec
If you can find anything TO equal her unconscious
jocosity. Then read The Lives Of the Saints ana
look In vain for more angelic example OF inc
virtue that sufereth long and is kind. Quick
Gabriel. halo!
It looks dark indeed for Attorney General Nc
Reynolds now that We have caught him refusing to
act In the great Herford-YounS case. Bribery!
Corruptioni
In our Judgment there has never occurred n more
dreadful instance OF conspiracy than this between
Oliver Herford dn THE Century') and Art Young
dn judge and the evidence is right on the sur
face Consider IL.
Cartoon by Art Young city boy at farmhouse
supper-table Farmer saying grace. City boy.
"svpe cookies. Bill, while he's got hts eyes
shut"
Cartoon by. Oliver Herford Camel at door OF
mosque Beneath it. this poem by tho artist
"A camel with practical views.
On the nutritye value OF shoes
To the mosque would repair.
While the folks at prayer,
Little dreaming their soles they would lose 20
Naturally We hate to call down thunderation on
such a roaring good number Of Judge" and such
an altogether charming issue Of THE Century
but we are some McNab when reused, and
yearn to embarrass the Administration. so must
turn a deaf to the defence.
AS we understand II, Brothers Herford and
Young deny collusion they are independent pro-
ducers. quite accidentally. they got their Jokes
from the same immortal page Of Gibbon where
Martin Luther misses his sovepipe on opening his
eyes after offering prayer and Calico says: Martin.
the Scriptures command us not only to pray but
t. watch"
There has been a high old racket over Herr suder-
mann's Song of Songs; and Bernard Shaw is
speaking freely. Says: The suppression Of this
book would reduce every adult to the condition OF
child under tuteage." Awful! We have observed
the shocking enlightenment OF the child under tu-
teage as now tutled. and shall order carload of
Herr Sudermanns works out Of regard for our re-
naming morals.
Parrots guaranteed to talk" says the advertise
ment and we check ourself before parrots sug
sest ships sailors. profanity and the ladies' cabin
az a safeguard. and we begin to tell new and origi-
nal story about the parrot that led such sheltered
life on shipboard that he learned only refined Ian
guase. "Stewardess the BASIN"
II is all over but the sneerng, which was lively
from the first and still continues must point
out that the New Havens treatment Of young Engi-
neer Doherty has been singularly lenent. Even
when ashed to frenzy the company refused to
charge him with professionalism.
AS remedy for this constant wear and tear
the amiable portions Of our vocabulary we have
about consented to be Mayor.
For solid hour the other evening the beauty and
fashion OF Portland, Me, languished In a lecture
hall endured all the horrors of suspense waiting
for Captain Amundsen. who turned up at last, foot
sore and out of breath. and explained that he had
got lost. Dear dear When will explorers learn to
find their way around? X. L. H.