Daily Kennebec journal., 1913-12-15
Gridiron Clubs Annual Riot at
Observation-Disclosures

washington. Dec. 14.-How the
United states would be governed un-
der a Mexicanized administrations
how the appetites of the hungry office
seekers should be appeased; the secret
of the perennial domination OF ram
many, and the best way TO dispose oil
undesirable statesmen,-were some OF
the questions which the Grldlron eiuo
undertook TO answer in humorous vein
before a goodly company of distin-
guished guests. Saturday night, at its
annual December dinner.
Few of the company escaped the
shafts of wit. President Wilson, VICE
President Marshall, Secretary Bryan
and leaders in Senate and House came
in for a share on the gridiron but 1t
was evident that no one enjoyed the
grilling more than the victims them
selves.
Prospective candidates for Presi-
Dental nomination surely must have
been discouraged at the troubles and
uncertainties ahead of them, when the
American government is conducted on
the Mexican plan, as disclosed in the
opening skit An extra edition of an
evening newspaper announced
Grave Crisis in American Affairs. u.
S. Mexicanized. Old Order Suppressed
ed. Dictator Takes Reins of Govern
ment." Whereupon appeared in the
dining hall an army clad in ragged but
gaudy uniforms, headed by Bryanna
Bryana followed closely by one Tu-
multo with the announced purpose of
Of Mayican
methods as applied to American af-
fairs.
Bryanna Bryana-"Viva Mexico!"
Tumulto-"Whats the Irish of It?
can't talk Spanish
B. B-"Well you and your chief
have been walking Spanish for some
time. According to approved Mexican
standards | have grabbed the Presi-
dency.'
Voice from Rear-"Thats the only
way you could get it."
The Dictator then appropriated all
the money in the treasury, and order
ed the execution of a few congressman.
When urged to save a few for the
next holiday he replied: I'VE can be-
gin ON the Supreme Court, tomorrow"
Vice President Marshallera appear
ed and explaining that he had heard
there was a vacancy at the White
House, claimed his rights. He was,
however promptly elected by the Die
tator with the remark Rights? Why
the only right you have is to wonder
about the Presidents state of health,
and I-am-very- we'll"
After increasing his own salary,
Bryanna Bryana made all his army
generals; told them he could not pay
and sent them out to kill Champero
Clarkista. But that astute leader won
over the army with promise of pay
and marching into the hall, overthrew
Bryana and ordered his execution;
which sentence, however, he was i'm
PEELED to make worse by adding "cut
his vocal cords"
Hardly had the new Dictator as
sumed office and killed Senators
OGormano, Reedavera and Hitchkoko
before the army which has been out
side Reducing Senor Bryana's income
at it's source" returned headed by an
other Pretender-this time William
Alsorandolph Hersta" who demanded
the Presidency on the ground of 1.-The
million acres | own in Mexico that
want this country TO protect" He or
dered the army TO kill Clarkista, who
bitterly replied TOO late. That's
what your support did to me at Balti-
more"
Hersta seizing the reins of power
announced that he wanted to inter
vene somewhere, and when Tumulto
said: There's no war at present re-
piled: Start one then and say I did
ii. Then stop it and say l stopped it."
Moosebullera appeared for the fourth
time to demand his rights but seut-
tied away when Hersta threatened to
print full reports of his speeches.
BY that time the fckle minded ar
my had been taken by Battle Bob
LaF'olletto,' who assumed command
on the claim that "he is the only hon
est man in public life" He thrust
out Dictator Hersta with the declara-
tion-I originated universal peace.
Bryana stole that from me. l am the
original trust buster. Everybody's $
busting them noW--and they stole my
ination for President. The Bull Moose
stole that from me-"
Marshallera again bobbed up shout
ing: 'The Constitution says" when
he was cut short by LaFolletto with
MY dear sir; you are bewildered. The
Constitution hasn't spoken above a
whisper for several years"
Marshallera retired finally IIpon he
ing presented with an enormous tur-
nip.
Scarcely had the company recovered
from such fearful dream Of Mexican
ization when further disorder was
created by the sudden appearance of
Mrs. Pankhurst whose shrieks of
Votes for Women" and demand for
seat Of honor were finally subdued by
the suave Presidents offer of hospi-
tality, when he was warned that wo-
men now vote in ten states.
Taking the public into its confidence,
t-r.