davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-06

was for the rolls an which wan was
for the cheese"
The conversation in the lobby of q
Washington hotel turned to thought
less speech, when Congressman VIII
lam Kennedy of Connecticut, broadly
smiled. 1t reminded him, he said, OF
the rather bad break made by Per-
cival Claude.
All the beautiful moonlight that
triclled through the vine-enclosed
veranda, which wasn't much, accord
ing to the congressman, fell on the
lovely face of Maude Marie, who was
gracefully sitting in a porch swing
Close beside her was Percival Claude.
Percy, dear" remarked Maude
Marie. after a sound that might have
been either kissing or swatting
mosquitoes, there is something that
want you to explain to me-
What is it, dearest?" asked Perei-
val Claude, with a quizzical look at
the sweet child.
TT is, Percy. dear" returned Maude
Marie, why is it that you say you
like me all the more because | am SO
changeable?'
Because, dearest" was the thought
less rejoinder of Percival Claude,
every time kiss you it is like kiss
ing another girl"
The topic turned to kioodle sagacity
at a social function some time ago,
which recalled to DR.. Henry van
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-06
EVENING STAR ASTROLOGER
sbted

arise. The stars presage meeting
of extraordinary moment in the
Pearce Palace.
A London astrologer predicts civil
war in China which will divide the
country into three parts.
Divisions among Socialists will be
condor, the seers declare, while radi-
Gals will cause continued agitation
The omen points to a loss of strength
among the leaders who represent the
best educated reformers. A new
movement is presaged by the stars.
Persons whose birthdate 1t is are
warned against litigation. Men may
have rather an anxious year in bust
ness, but they are likely to prosper.
Children born on this day will be
impulsiye, lovable and lucky. They
may be high-strung and sensitive,
but they have u ruling sense of JUS
tice. They should be taught concen-
tratiOn.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-06

TO CLEAN 4 BEARD THcR-
OOGhLY USE x RUG BEKT-
ER
NEVER COTB AWOSTkchh
THE WRONG N.KH
BALD HEADS ThKT ARR SHINY
SHOULD BIZ STANDARDIZED.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-06

Being desirious of sending a wire-
less message Of importance to
friend at sea. I applied at the Office
for the despatching of such tele-
graphic epistles. old chap. On ex
planning the extremity of the situa
ton to the operative. you know, he]
treasured me in the following words:
Just a jiff and III play you a radio
rag that will set the sound waves
doing the chicken dip from here to
Halifax. Any old time you want to
slip a wad of wireless chatter through
the climate just put me 10 and III
scoot string of shutters along 81
plane Alley. I'm the kid that can chip
your initials out of the horizon with
a few wriggles of the wrist and can
fire row of dots and dashes like the
stitches in new raglan. Watch me
splutter, kid; watch me splutter,'
My Word,
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-06
DON'T BLAME THE ANIMALS

DUN7T BLAME THE ANIWALS
There never was a bunny IN exist
ence who was immodest enough to
dance the bunny hug right out IN
public.
The grizzly bear may be a fisrce
beast, but there is nothing to show
that he ever went through the move
ments of the grizzly bear as noted
at some of our effete and popular
summer resorts.
The turkey is a dignified bird and
when he moves about it is with a
stately tread He does not tie HIM
self up in bow knot and danes
around with one foot behind his left
ear and throw his partner half way
across the barnyard. He wouldn't
recognize turkey trot if he saw one.
Somebody as usual has been nature
taking.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-06

was for the rolls an which wan was
for the cheese"
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-06
N0Mraa0s.
UPLIFT TALKS
Copyright. 1913.
BY oRIsoN SWEET MARDEN,
Author of Pushing to the Front, Etc.
EVERY LIFE FOLLOWS ITS IDEAL

JENNINGS BRYAN
w IDEAL said AN ideal above the
difference
Individual
him.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-10-06
On the Spur of
the Moment
BY ROY MoULToN.


THE DIARY OF A BoNEHEAD
set out TO be short story writer.
could see a mint of money in Il
and o. Henry and Guy de Maupas-
SAINT were not going to have a thing
on me. / wrote my first story and
mailed il TO a well-known magazine.
which had the habit of printing the
names Of contributors on its cover.
That was eighteen years ago.
The editor Of this magazine sent
back the manuscript, saying that he
was sorry he couldn't use L. It WAS
the best short story he had ever
read. 1t was in fact MASTERPIECES,
but he was afraid all of his other
contributors would get jealous and
quit him if he publishe it.
For nine years the story kept
coming back and all Of the rejection
slips read about the same with slight
variations. In short 1 was the mar
vel of the literary world, but they
couldn't use my stuff. One editor
said he was afraid it would go over
the heads of his readers. 7 don't
know how many trips to New York
that story made, but had enough
rejection slips to paper three bed
rooms and living room when final
- N4oAl cEtf lAS ELBlY " -
accepted. It was accepted by the
magazine I had sent IL to first many
years before. / have learned since
that the former editor had died
This magazine received the story and
read it eighteen different times be-
fore accepting it,
1t was accepted eight years ago,
but 1t has not yet been published
have Just received check for szs
The postage / spent on that story
during its ten years of travel
amounted to S126s4.
There may be money in literature.
There must be, for nobody seems to
get any out of it.
In the meantime, l have held down
lucrative position in a stave mill
and have earned enough to pay the
postage on my story. Now that I
have received a check for the first
story, | am going to write another
on the chance that ! will sell it and
get check before / reach the scar
and yellow leaf
| also hope that some of my chill
dren will live long enough to see my
first story published.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07

We Are All In the Same Boat

called plant On
the ship the waey
eating killing and dgesung
or sort
and killing and destroying
than the board.
Now all these plants animals made out OF the snip Itself
earth When the
weighed (saVe LOT
pnnyweigh what
weighs with its billion and half o
full OF mites we
eahmites We organized into woegged
We last
only whrls longelved
All the highpac which vethe OF the
decks called andare being the and
subsist
find adequate
subsistence
the ship millions hundred
there will be hundred millions the United States
find We
achieve
all will WELL All we'll All we'll We
slaughter burn with
this
really
fellow vessel whether life for
children possible possible
shall survivor should survive
article
SERIES
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07


u n a
q A poked VIII a umbrella"
wifi a umbrella for?"
"Ah really don't could hab poked VIII jest
as easy
he o
he o NAH
wiz"
me didn't apoogzef" -
he apoogzed-he didn't
''Goodnessi yo' his card"
goth a optican."
he II All
did he would at half price seem All had only one eye left
did all could be expected to
All didn't him to do half as much as he did do
accident insurance the time
wuz wuz carry $4,000 worth"
"Hurray! a got here?"
No de mans goit
entitled
Patrol by office"
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07
yONE OTHER THINGS, JOE, THOSE
FATHER DID NOT CONTEMPLATE

Bailey in his declares that the fathers OF
contemplated direct by the people
maybe But look at the other things those fathers
did not contemplate
They did contemplate Standard Oil monopoly with bunch
Legislative pay roll for instance
They did contemplate freeing millions Of human beings from
slavery.
They did not contemplate government by courts
contemplate railroad meat trusts wool trusts
fuel ust railway monopoies telegraph telephone and lot OF
examinations that arrogant and oppressive simply because we
haven't direct government
the things those fathers didn't contemplate
because they had not yet arrived would I'LL big book
today doing the contemplating and our view
million bigger than those old fathers had
edes probable that have learned something in century
81 more promotion the pursuit of happiness
old fathers the constitution In our
respect grateful remembrance
They buded they how well as they could but
the 1912 not possible to lawyer Thomas
Jefferson Roger sherman to oer Of those fathers
whatever his condition
STU said Washington farewell address which admit did
not resemble Joe Baes much the opinion the people the dis
tbuon Of the constitutional powers be- in any particular
wrong let it be corrected"
joe we're going correcting and great state Texas
has begun to help at it
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07


I'VE all in the boat but how
passengers all history
arshp Earth with
these called land
God
good She is like arshp automati-
She works herself The shove
know that railway train
beside
good ship Earth
whittier bound We embarked
yessel tina LEI aeons sealed orders.
aroundor
ball holds
steel dust
OF God
whir know the thing OF a
thing
planets
notion
365
the
like curved baseball and
pitcher could circlethe
the pitchers OF the ring.
occupied ago No for the
ouhed
with like ball whd about
who wak Whittier the Man walk
airship We
unimaginabe
their
the mysteries incident to the
raetha OF sailing on their snip Earn unuer scared
but
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07
The Worst Of Americans

To be hunted like renegade, 10
1--we constantly amidst alarms, to be
picketed and guarded by armed men
like a pirate in his cave, or 10 be 4
fugitive In a foreign land-that seems
to be the William Rockefeller idea OF
things that should attend age, wealth
AID leisure.
Wanted by the house of representa-.
tives as a witness, he refused to ap.
pear and went into hiding OF look to
light. In this fashion one Of the rich.
est OF men has shown contempt for
law, defiance OF government and a
shameless disregard OF public and
private obligations. In this way he
has used the fortune amassed in a
country where every law has favored
him to defeat a lawful and perfectly
reasonable process which Is now &C.
eepted through his attorney only
when too late to prove more than 4
virtue OF necessity.
Il may be that we have anarchists
who do worse than this, but probably
not. Most OF our avowed anarchists
have been men embittered by failure
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07

or suffering Some OF them have
been mentally unbalanced. Nearly all
of them, in spite OF violence OF word
or deed, have pretended to SEEK hu.
man betterment. But William Rookie
Teller, buttressed by his dollars. has
no plea except self and no defense OK
Icept to assert his own will as superior
TO that of nation.
OF all anarchists the rich anarchist
Iis The most dangerous. He has imita-
tors In every walk OF life. He appeals
alike to predatory wealth and preda-
tory poverty. He breeds resentment
Ia the poor and arrogance In the well.
TODD. One law violated by such a
man means hundred laws broken
by those who are greedy and those
who despair. He Is an apostle OF
hate and OF crime. The crazy or
neGessitous anarchist is often an oh.
ject Of derision. The plutocrasic
anarchist must be taken seriously, be-
cause he exasperates or corrupts mill
lions
II we were TO name the most Often
sive character In America today we
should not indicate a wretch under
condemnation In prison nor yet an
.outcast Aungry and cold, but man
richer than Croesus who outlaws him.
self to serve a cowardly fear OF feed
a wanton pride.-New York World.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07
WHEREIN I'VE SEEM TO MEET
A DIFFERENCE nv TWO JOHNS

Judging his and preaching hardly young
John .. Rockefeller, yrs for chip Of the old block
n telling Tarytown NJ A., the other evening
enter upon his mission the crisis his Johnny
prayed Tor four twice day. and suddenly his
him, one morning before
We don't gather Just what the young mission" but is
ne spending Of other peoples money mighty sight time
o. the road than his dads was
The best advice Of friends often wrong warned the lee
urer.
Think the great paid lawyers and doctors for advice
Of the hours Of waiting them while Gods advice free
and We can have it at any time"
Herein surely does appear that john and John sr
dinimiar
Tere record Of old having bored four at
while the best lawyers Cleveland starved death awaiting the happy
arrival Of the oily mission and young Johns reference to the heavy waste
q time and doctors enough make paps right bower
Dr. Bggar gasp and swallow his pills. bottles bag and all
But far be It from discourage John In hs efforts to
improve the father either his mission" the relative value
u the divine against legal and medical advisors.
Indeed, rather inclined favor such departure
ones Of years which John ST. wasn't devong himself to
ng rather and persistent prayer
osxtainly cheaper than awyeing doctoring.
Clearly young chip the old block lawyers
and doctors might fatten but there would be pgs LEFT OF u by
hs ms John the Third got old enough his mission
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07
NEW1oRK
LETTER. Nsa9sssa2l

NEW YORK, Ian. "a possible
theatrical career was demolished at
one awful blow In a little town north
OF New York few evenings ago.
new show was 70 be tried on the
dog. A young colored man was
needed to appear in one scene and
deliver one line. The manager en-
gagged one OF the porters at the hotel
where the company stopped.
The deal was made Friday night.
The show was to be put on Saturday
night. The porter spent the remain
der OF Friday evening telling all his
friends he was going TO be an actor.
He was so excited he couldn't sleep.
He showed mp at the theater at z
o'clock Saturday morning.
All day he was there. They had
to put on q substitute for him at the
hotel. He rehearsed his part with
everybody In the company who would
listen to him. Every ten minutes he
would ask how he was getting along
as an actor. He was informed that
he was nothing less than q second
Bert Williams.
He was due to 90 on about 10
o'clock, In the second act. During the
first act he lowered about the wings,
with people falling over him. When
the curtain went up on the second act
the stage manager looked around for
the second Bert Williams and he was
not to be found.
The most thorough search failed to
reveal him anywhere. so far as could
be discovered, and stage hand was
fixed up In a hurry to deliver the line.
Next morning an actor In the COM
pany admitted that he must have been
responsible for the startling disappear
ance. He played a policeman. The
young Negro had not seen him In his
uniform. And when he thus appear
, ed. at the beginning OF the second
act, towering over the astonished
youth, and said: II hear you've been
shooting eFapst9that was the cue for
quick exit and the close Of the stage
career OF Bert Williams No. 2.
He didn't even show up at the hotel
for two days.
When Eugene Walter was assist
ing at rehearsals OF The Easiest
Way" In London, he found that some
OF the English actors and actresses In
the cast stumbled over the American
slang, generally having no idea what
the passages meant
One actress, who had q line she
couldn't fathom, went to the stage
director. an Englishman, and asked
him what II meant.
why, you see," he explained. the
young lady has had many vicissitudes
and now she Is sophisticated"
+ "Oh!" said the actress. Then she
sought out walter
"You don't understand" said he.
why, II IL simply this-the girl has
been handed so many lemons that
she's jerry"
After which the English actress
decided to speak her lines and let It
go at that.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07
THE ELKINS FAMILY

his state and In gold mine In
Colorado. He resides in Washington.
D. c., seldom visiting his state, and
It was assumed when he took the
presidency OF trust company In
Washington that he was through with
West Virginia politics. Scott was a
lieutenant and understudy for Mark
Hanna, and is merely an interesting
relic OF the Hanna era. Unless ne
should buy the office on the auction
block, II does not appear to be pos
sible that his candidacy can be takon
fertously.
Permission to march on Pennsyl.
Nania-ave., has been requested by tae
womans suffrage organization OF tie
District OF Columbia, and up to this
time has been refused by the district
commissioners and chief OF police.
The latter offer many pretexts. The
request Is for the right to march on
the 3rd of March, the day before tn
inaugural ceremonies, and the women
intend to hold their parade IN that
day whether they are granted q
license or not. II the police wish 10
arrest them they are at liberty 20 do
so. Among those prominent In the
suffrage movement in this city are
Mrs. Kent, wife OF Congressman Kent
and Mrs. Poindexter, wife OF Senasor
Poindexter.
The New Hampshire Legislature Ia
getting ready to retire Senator Henry
E. Burnham. This Is forecas,ed by
the election OF Samuel ID. Ferker, q
Democrat, who was elected governor.
He was chosen by a combination OF
the Democrats with the ProgPessiyes.
Candidates opposed to Burnham are
Governor Robert p Hass, Progress
sive; Clarence e. Carr and Henry T.
Hollis, Democrats. The countrJ w.ll
benefit By the retirement OF Burahain.
Already the postmaster general Is
figuring on reducing the parcel post
rates and raising the limit of weight
and size OF packages. Mr.. HITCHCOCK
las become an enthusiast for tie
parcel post and il almost prepared
20 take over the express companies
without any preliminary formalities
The law affords the widest scope tor
discretion by the Postmaster-Generat
lie may raise OF lower the rates
change the regulations, or do any
thing else necessary to make the
scheme work right, subject Gully to
the approval OF the Interstate Com
flerce Commission. As to the iattsr
there Is no question. Mr.. Hischcock
has called for q statement based on
the first half months working Of the
parcel post law and expects to revise
tho rates and weights almost immed
lately. He is already convinced tina.
tho rates are too high.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07
Ex-slaves Were the Dupes

The idea spread abroad that the gov
Ernmont would coufisCuts the proper
~ az ex-C,onfederate. and every ne
rro dreamed at night OF the forty
acres and q mule" which was TO BIS
his share. In some sections sharpers
took advantage OF the illusion and
r6KDsd 4 rich harvest by selling to
simple-minded negroes the painted
stakes with which each must be pro-
xidod when the day Of division came,
Sometimes the pegs were called pre-
emption rights" and their sale In the
back districts continued for year,
One preoended deed was In part az
loIouB:
Know all men by these pres
enta that . nought is noight
and q figure 10 figure: all for
the white man and none Tor the
niguro1 And whereas Moses lifted
up tie serpent In the Wild
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07
The Family Friend
BY BEnToN nRALEY.


The Family Friend II q nondescript
creature.
Who just sort OF hovers about,
His fatherly air IL the principal feature
BY which you can single him out;
He's full OF advice, which he gives to
you gratis.
No matter how Ill you attend.
The greatest OF bores have found up
to date II
The Fatherly Family Frisndi
He butts into all Of the family doings
As II he were doctor and nurse:
Our fights and our frolics. our billings
and cooings.
He cheers US all up--like a hearsel
He gets US poor toms-or he often
times hires US
And drives US and sweats Us no end,
And then. In Fatheriy Manner. he
The Gentle old Family Frisndi
He tells us the way to invest all our
savings
In stocks-which consistently fall,
And leave us possessed OF some moe
steel engravings
With which we can paper the wall.
We never have known whore the fam
lily got him.
But this can be truthfully pennsd:
We'd benefit much II we quietly shot
The Fatheriy Family Frisndi
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07


family Is found in the fact tina; pasS
of the Elkins estates consists Oh STOCK
IN a traction company entering wash
ington on It's northwest border. ald
running south along the Virginia
rhore OF the Potomac river to Great
Falls and Bluemont This traction
company has long sought a franchise
across the city on MIST, and down
town terminal facilities for It's subIr-
ban cars. The senate Is part of the
government OF the District of Colum-
bia. and It would be to the interest OF
the Elkins properties TO have vote
IN the senate. Senior Elkins always
found this so, as have such men as
the late Representative BaDcock,
Senators Newlands, Gallinger and the
rest
The senatorial vacancy Is created
by the expiration OF the term OF Clar-
ence w. Watson, a Democrat. In the
recent election the state chose a Re-
publican legislature, which puts an
end to the hopes OF Watson. He WAS
chosen TO fill the unexpired tam Of
the late Senator Elkins, and he term
of service expires March 3, 1918.
The balance OF power In tho West
virginia legislature is held by Pro.
sressive Republicans. which brings ~
the front w. p. Hubbard, formerly
congressman and a progressive, as a
possibility. Hubbard had q good
record IN congress, having co-opcrated
with the Observation-Disclosures Murdoch
Group In their various fights against
Cannonism.
II is reported that Nathan b. Scout
~ a candidate also. Scott has been
an ex-senator for several years. lie
is n very rich man. being interested
On glass works and coal industries In
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07
Courteous

Ardent Suitor-I lay my fortune at
your feet.
Fair Lady-Your fortunei- 1 didn't
know you had one.
Ardent Suitor-Well, 1t isn't much
OF fortune, but It will look large be-
side those tiny feet-Boston Tran
script.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07

Elhlu5 u GAhAAc .
West Virginia, Is
planning TO pass
down the honors
and the office or
senatorship TO the
eldest son. stephen
b. being dead,
Davis Elkins. Is q
candidate for the
United States ser.
atorship.
The Elkins
estates lie mostly
in West Virginia.
but the Elklns
town-house Is In
Washington and Il
has for Yeas beea
found convenient
for the household
TO reside IN the
nations capital.
Another reason Tor
keeping the SEN
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07
A New Name for 1t

A lady living In Dorchester recent
" left her new Irish maid Ia charge
OF the house while she went shopping
Among her purchases was an um-
brella stand for the vesdbuie. After
her shopping tour she paid Visit &c
friend and did not arrive home I'M
I'll late.
well, Mary" she said. did any
packages conner
"Yes, num-" was the reply. The
wagon cum Wild tn cuspidore for tAe
Boston Transcript.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07

erness, SO also have I lifted this
damned old niger out Of four
dollars aud six bits. Amen!
Selah-Paul Haworth, In Recon
struction and Union.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07

Cincinnati's, municipal needs for
1913 call for expenditures totalling
s13,752,19962.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07

BY gibson GARDNER.
WASHINGTON, Jan. 6-Washlng-
ton learns that the royal FANNY of
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07

there is cafe The
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07

st. Louis banks are adopting the
finger print Identification test.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1913-01-07

The Fatheriy Family Frisndl