The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1913-05-19

Dick" Austin put on his kidding
clothes the other morning and started
out on a jestful day. By way of iden-
tification, Austin is the Representative
from the Knoxville, Tenn, district, presi-
dent of the Looters' Club-of which Phil
Campbell, of Kansas, is vice president
and the most Jealous member of Con-
gress in the dispensing OF public moneys.
Besides all this. he is given to jokes and
japery of a quiet sort. and he has great
sport with his more serious-minded col
leagues.
On-the morning in question, Austin
caracoled into the Office of the Secretary
of the Treasury, and whom did he find
there but Representative Fitzgerald of
New York, watchdog of the Appropria-
tons Committee, and himself a bit of
joker. The two were ushered into Nc
AdOo's private Office together.
Il want TO warn you against this man."
began Fitzgerald. indicating Austin.
''Oh, you can't warn me against him."
said McAdoO: I've known the fellow
ever since We were youngsters together
Down in Knoxville. Why he
But 1 must warn you against Fitzger-
aid" interrupted Austin, ION account of
his scandalous waste OF public money"
II thought he was one of the watch
dogs" put in McAdoo.
That's just it," admitted Austin: the
man doesn't like to spend a cent, but
would have the money stay right here
in the Treasury vaults going to waste.
If he had his way, Mr.. Secretary. when
you go out of Office four years from now.
you would have on hand not only all the
money that was in the vaults when you
came. but all the money that has been
paid into the Treasury since then"
From the Treasury Department. Austin
proceeded to the Capitol, still in his kid
ding mood. One of the first men he met
was Oscar Underwood.
Underwood" said Austin, there is
just one great fault l find in this tariff
bill If you had left the duties the same
as they were in the Payne bill, and then
added the income tax provision. We
would have had a great many millions
more of revenue than heretofore. and
just think of the fun / and the rest of
the hooters could have had trying to get
it. all spent
little later Austin approached A.
Mitchell Palmer. who has only a moder-
ate sense of humor, and mysteriously
beckoned him to one side.
Palmer" said Austin, in his low, Sc
rious voice, Il have been down to lunch
for the last few minutes How many
Democrats destroyed during my alb
sence?"
Austin's next victim that day was
CordeIl Hull, author of the income tax
provision.
"Inasmuch as we are both from Ten
nessee," remarked Austin to Hull, Il
am proud to know that you are the
author of the only good thing in the
tariff bill. Still, think you are great
ly in error as to the amount of revenue
to be derived from the income tax.
There is one great and all-important
fact that you seem to have overlooked
in making your calculations"
And what is that?' asked Hull, in
terested.
why" replied Austin, "the fact that
the only people who will have any in
come to speak of after your tariff bill
is in force will be the sheriffs."
Austin says the "Looters'" Club is
going to have a parade up Pennsyl-
vania Avenue one of these days, and
he is going TO ride at the head of ii
on a white horse, carrying a banner
with Loot on it in big type.
Martin B. Madden. wealthy member
of Congress from Chicago. wishes he
might have been built along more
original lines. The trouble with him
is. that he looks like too many people.
He makes a specially of being ringer
for long-lost brothers. On an average
of once a month he gets letter from
some one who has seen his picture and
claims him as a brother thought to
have been lost at sea or strayed from
home years and years ago. The other
ytr, sat
she had a locket with an M on it,
and containing a boyhood picture of
her long-lost brother that looked ex-
actly like the one of Madden in a Chi
cago paper. Madden was obliged to
tell her that his Congressional duties
are too pressing to allow him any time
for being a long-lost brother this year.
This happened when Senator Shafroth
Of Colorado was prosecuting attorney in
Denver He was about to prosecute the
case of a man who had once skipped
town under n forgery charge. While the
man was away, his attorney confided
10 shafroth that he was guilty. But
when the fellow came back, the attor- |
ney agreed. much TO Shafroth's surprise, |
10 defend him.
yes" said the attorney, ''as. I told
you he's guilty. but he seems to pre-
Ter 10 stand trial and has offered me
so to defend him."
''oh. George. you can't afford to do