davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
STA TESMEN-REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED C. KELLY

One afternoon here recently IT &C.
Cured to old John Sharp Williams that
he had never been to Turkish bath.
He became curious the more he thought
about Ii to learn what happens to a
| man who enters such a place. =
Now, there Is in the basement Of the
Senate Offiice Building about the finest
Turkish bath establishment In the whole
world. finished entirely in costly marble.
AM free to Senators. The average visitor
does not see the place, for the reason
that everybody about the building is
afraid to show IL to them, lest the
splendor Of It should make votes for
the Socialist party. However, nobody
should complain. The free Turkish bath,
like the free barber shop and the free
Apolinaris water. is simply an instru-
ment to help make the Senators content
with their lot and willing to stay here.
II things were not made pleasant for
them, they wouldn't stay around here at
all, and IT would never be possible to get
a quorum for a vote on measures de-
signed TO place food within the reach Of
the middle classes. Thus we see, do we
not. that
But, as We were about to state when
our brain began to skid, old John Sharp
Williams was fired by the spirit of ad-
venture, and he painted TO know the
mysteries of a Turkish bath. He passed
through the frosted glass doors leading
to the inner temple. where great men
PROSTATE themselves and are scrubbed.
After he had introduced himself they
stripped him Of his raiment and put him
through one weird ablutionary ordeal
after another. The Mississippian didn't
know whether he had struck a chamber
OF horrors or holy of holies. They
electric-nghted him, steamed him, par
boiled him. prodding him from time to
time to see II he were done" manipu-
lated him. secured him. and played on
him with their bare hands as II he were
an xylophone. Through IL all John
Sharp was silent and brave, even after
they had him completely exasperated
Finally they took him and laid him
out. apparently limp and resigned, on
a marble slab for the fnishing-up pro-
cesses and other little artistic touches
that they might have Overlooked. A
big. brawny attendant Ian to give
for the first time during the whole pro-
cess, the Senator entirely lost his tenn
per. He pulled himself up on his
launches to a half-sitting posture, and
spoke as follows:
1t may be that I haven't taken as
many baths in the course OF my life as
! should. But I'll be eternalIy goldarned
II anybody can make me believe I'm so
hopelessly dirty that I've got to lie here
and be secured with sand"
With Representative w. c. Houston. of
Tennessee, the only thing to prevent his
cup OF joy from overflow
ing Is the fact that the doorkeepers at
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28

the House ONCE Building do not get up
early enough In the morning. Usually
IL is o'clock before the front ioors
open, whereas Houston dotes on being at
his Office fairly early. In the winter
time he has breakfast at a quarter of
seven and in the SPINNER an hour earlier
than that The minute he has finished
his Battle Creek chan and eggs and
bacon. he hastens to the ONCE building
only to find the doors locked. Several
times he has tried to get the custodian
10 have the doorkeepers around earlier.
but as the average Congressman doesn't
show up at his Office till about ten, moth
Ing has been done. However. Houston.
rot to be foiled. gets In each morning by
a little scheme that he thought up. He
waits for the mail wagon, with whose
driver he has made friends, and gets in
as far as the basement as a sort OF
stowaways Once in the basement. he
sticks around till the building watch
man comes TO unlock the door and take
in the mail. and then he scampers in.
Thus by lite simple strategy Houston
reaches his desk about an hour and a
half sooner than any other member.
Over at the Senate Office Building the
first morning arrival is usually Senator
Martin Of Vlrgina-either Martin or
neither gets around as carly as Houston.
Gen. Isaac r. Sherwood. of Ohio, the
only Union veteran In the next Con-
gress, used to be a newspaper man, and
has never got over his hankering to
know what all is going on about him.
Every night as soon as he gets up from
the dinner table at his hotel here he
saunters up to the Offices of one of the
big news associations OF the country and
sits around for n while until the boys
have apprised him OF what they are
sending. out. Then. with most OF the
next mornings paper In his head. he is
content to go home and to bed.
When he becomes a member of Con-
gress from Idaho in March, Addison T.
Smith will celebrate simultaneously the
twenty-fifth anniversary of the day he
first struck Washington-in a freight
car
He had been living out in Cambridge.
Ohio, but got a clerical job with firm
In Washington. The only difficulty in
the way Of taking the job was that he
lacked the railroad fare. Fortunately.
he heard OF a man who was shipping a
driving horse here, and Smith obtained
the privilege of sharing the freight car
with the horse, in return for acting as
valet to the animal in transit
Senator Chiffon of West Virginia is a
great favorite with the page boys about
the Senate chamber. He sent 'em all
10 the circus one day last spring. and
they have never forgot IL.
Copyright, 1915 BY Fred g Kelly AL rights re-
served
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
Better Rules, but Not Safe Enough.

The chief guarantee for safety at Sc;
is prudent navigation. 1t was the speeC
craze that sent the Titanic to the bot
tom. Better construction might have
enabled the wounded ship to keep afoa
longer, but more careful management
probably would have brought her TN,
harmed to port. Risks of sea trave
have been lessened by modern science
1t is necessary always to be fully pre-.
pared for the worst, but the worst i:
not likely to come nowadays unless
there is an indefensible relaxation OF
vigilance and caution.
The British Board of Trade has re-
ccived from its committee a report
which, if adopted, will require the car
rying of a sufficient supply of lifeboats
by British vessels engaged in foreigr,
trade. The additional boats are to be
strung under those which now swing
from the davits, and on exceptionally
large ships reversible pontoon RATS are
to be used. The Titanic disaster dis
closed the fact that British rules per-
rnitted a Startling underequipment in
life-saving craft. The changes recon-
mended in the rules may guarantee es-
cape from a sinking ship to every pas
senger and member of the crew, If
there is calm sea and time enough is
allowed to launch all of the boats and
RATS.
There is, however, one defect in the
old system that has not been overcome.
1t was shown, when the Titanic sank,
that there were not enough trained
men on hand to take charge of the
boats. able" seamen on a transatlantic
liner are few in number, because they
have relatively little to do in big
floating hotel. The crew consists
chiefly of stewards and fremen, and
unless these latter employees are trained
to man the boats, it will be difficult to
make telling use of them. The fortu-
nate factor of smooth sea alone en-
abled the small company of Titanic sur
vivors to escape. In even moderately
rough weather expert skill is required
to lower lifeboats from the top deck
Of a steamer and float and steer them
successfully.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
The Economics and the Railroads.

To a comparative study of railws,
wages and the cost of living the Blu
rsau of Railway Economies gave ex
tended work and laborious compilation
which resulted in its being able -tc
announce, on the basis of official sta
tistics, that 1T is we'll within the truth
to estimate, in a broad and genera
way, that while the cost of living Of
railway employe in the United State:
is less than so per cent higher thar
that of a corresponding employe ir
England or on the Continent, his conn.,
pensation averages more than twice as
much"
The bureau is engaged in line OF
widening field of activity. For. the
information of the public it has made
or has under way analyses of such
propositions as the parcel post physi-
cal valuation, and railway taxation
For use before the board of arbitra-
ton, in the recent engineers contro-
versy, it made exhaustive compilations
showing the effect of various factors
in wage increases and in traffic move
ment; and through frst-hand investi-
CATION in various cities it secured in
formation as to the actual earnings in
other vacations of employees, whose
skill and responsibility are comparable
with those of engineers.
The bureau is engaged in a line of
studies designed to develop informa-
ton as to the broader economic rela-
tions OF the railways. Its recent bulle-
tin, entitled Comparison of Capital
Values-Agriculture, Manufactures, and
the Railways" makes clear from pub
lished statistics of the government that
the capital value of railway property
in the United States is increasing less
than half as fast as the capital values
Of either agricultural or manufacturing
industries and that the percentage of
net return on capital in manufactures is
over twice as much as on that OF The
railways.
The bureau also is making a COM
parison of the railway status in the
United States with that in the prin-
cipal countries of Europe, and of this
two sections have been published. The
first brings ont that in proportion to
population the United States has from
four to five times as many miles of
line as has either England, Franco, or
Germany; that the ton miles per inhab-
liant are seven times those Of France,
while the freight revenues per mile of
line virtually are the same, and four
times those of Germany, while the
freight revenues per mile of line are
only a fraction over half as great The
per mile of line OF the
railways of the United States is ,css
han one-hfth that of the railways Of
England and Wales, less than half that
IF the railways of France, and but lit
lie more thain half that of the railways
IF Prussia, which are the more i'm
,ortant ones of Germany.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
The Failure of the Young Turks.

If It IS really true that the Young
Turk movement at Constantinople has
been engineered for the purpose OF
thwartIng the government of the Porte
in its desire for peace, even at the
cost OF Adrlanople, Shefket Pasha and
the rest OF the leaders have gone the
wrong way about il, and have greatly
strengthened the position of the Balkan
allies in the eyes of the powers.
We can see no good sense in an up
rising aiming to take the helm of a
ship already stranded upon the rocks.
After the acquiescence, on the part of
the Sultan S government, in the peace
preliminaries to end the war. that ship
might have been repaired, or at least
patched up for another sojourn in Eu-
rope with its cannon spiked. The pow
crs themselves had undertaken TO be. so
to say, the salvcrs. They would have
towed the Ottoman ship out of the
danger OF being broken up entirely by
the waves OF internal strife They were
ready TO prevent its complete destruc-
ton.
Do the Young Turks mean TO stake
the very existence of the old empire
upon the result of another battle fought
by 4 vanqui,hcd army against heavy
odds with a victorious enemy: We do
not believe that the powers would con-
sent to such procedure in the face of
an all-around desire for pcace-certainly
not. since they began wrong altogether
by killing Nazim Pasha. the least in
competent commander they have had in
this war
Have the Young Turks any hold
upon the army: We doubt it. and if
they have, what can they expect to &C
.complish with the decimatcd, fever
stricken lot in the trenches az
= ci is;;:-ii;;-c We ADMIT that some of
the best brains in all Turkey are found
among the Young Turks. When they
appeared first upon the political horizon.
it was 10 save the sick man of the
Bosphorus' by dethroning Abdul
Hamid. They meant well, according to
the dictates of humanity and modern
culture; but as in many other cases of
well meaning" the wrong remedy was
applied. What did nation, old in pa
triarchal rule, know about the practical
application of constitutionalism? And
just as they failed then, so they are
bound 10 create trouble now for the
patient they love and try to snatch from
the clutches of dissolution.
The Young Turks should have made
a better use of their abilities, which
from the first have been recognized by
the powers. To do them justice, it |
must be said that their very appearance
upon the scene prompted Austria to
precipitatc the move for the annexation
of Bosnia and Herzegovina. So did the
Balkan nations hasten to perfect their
alliance and prepare for war, for fear
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28

peck of dramatic royalties each week.
But as II was, he merely wrote until
he starved to death, which he succeeded
in doing at the age Of forty in Balti-
mere.
Poe wrote The Raven" which is the
most successful poetic rave In existence
and he invented the detective story. He
wrote great numbers of beautiful poems
all of which voiced a deathless sorrow
and have kept the world In tears. but he
himself cheered UP enough to marry the
heroine of most OF them before he died
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
LITTLE NONSENSE.
HE HOBS uP AGAIN.

Col. Du Patty de Clam has been re
stored to the French army list-New,
item.
The world has had plenty of sonorou:
names.
Beginning away back with Ham.
Not one of them brighter before oui
eyes flames
Than that of Du Patty de Clam.
Fame's scroll has list of them, strik.
ing and pat;
They hit our brain cells with a slam
Not one OF them all is more striking
than that
OF Col. pu Patty de Clam.
These names are the sort that you lin
ger among:
They stimulate one like a dram.
You take 1t and roll It right under your
tongue.
A name like Du Patty de Clam.
Daily Primer Lesson.
Murder is at low ebb In England.
You see. children. II you commit a muri
der in England. you are almost sure to
be punished.
She Overheard.
Husband
"Wife?"
II like to meet your friends, but I
wish you wouldn't feel 1t necessary to al
ways take them aside and explain that
you married me on account of my
amiable disposition
January rs I'm History.
January Is. 1883 William Penn pacl-
fies the Indians with a treaty, thus prov
ing that the Penn is mightier than the
sword.
January Is, 1I73. Richard the Lion
hearted originates o'clock tea.
They Arc Everywhere.
II suppose you saw some interesting
things in the heart of Africa
Some OF the best moving picture shows
1t was ever my pleasure to attend
Knockabout Comedy.
Jack and Jill in vaudeville.
Excite a deal of laughter.
Jack falls down and bumps his crown,
And Jill comes tumbling after.
A white Streak.
See here, daughter
What is It, MAJ"
THE next time you linger at the sea-
shore. I wish you'd get your neck tanned
low enough to meet your gowns"
That's So.
Apartment house life has some recon-
pense.'
las to howe"
You can get the last word with your
wife by bawling II UP through the tube
as you hustle out"
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28

sweatshcp prices prevailed in poetry in those days
The world has produced many great
poets at the wrong time and they have
all died hungry in consequence. To-day
the original manuscript of poem by
Poe would sell for more than his year
income. while the original manuscripts OF
most of our present poets can be bought
at q pound rate.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
A Good Example.

From Judge
Teacher-who can tell the meaning of
persistence"
Small boy-Mother talking for a new
hat
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28

Copyright, 1895. by Harper Bros All rights
reserTedD
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28

Apartment house life has some recon-
pense."
LAS to how?"
You can get the last word with your
wife by bawling IT UP through the tube
as you hustle out"
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
Daily Primer Lesson.

Murder is at low ebb In England.
You see, children, II you commit a muri
der in England. YOU are almost sure to
be punished.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28

A white Streak.
See here, daughter"
What is II, map
THE next time you linger at the sea-
shore. I wish you'd get your neck tanned
low enough to meet your gowns"
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
No. 20.

Copyright, 1913. by Mcclure Newspaper Syndicate,
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
She Overheard.

Husband"
"Wife?'
Il like to meet your friends, but
wish you wouldn't feel 1t necessary to al
ways take them aside and explain that
you married me on account of my
amiable disposition
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
January IS I'm History.

January Is. 1853 William Penn pacl-
fies the Indians with a treaty, thus prov
ing that the Penn is mightier than the
sword.
January IS, 1173. Richard the Lion
hearted originates o'clock tea.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
SHOWERS OF SPIDERS.

Tomorrow: Washington Acquires Gres
Land Holdings.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28

Col. Du Patty de Clam has been re
stored to the French army list-New.
item.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28
They Arc Everywhere.

Il suppose you saw some interesting
things in the heart of Africa"
Some OF the best moving picture shows
1t was ever my pleasure to attend"
The Washington herald., 1913-01-28

Jack and Jill in vaudeville.
Excite a deal OF laughter.
Jack falls down and bumps his crown,
And Jill comes tumbling after.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23
Interstate Alliance

Three states are now banded
together for the improvement of COM
munity life by means Of providing
worthy entertainment.
Three state universities have ia
ken upon themselves the service Of
providing high class attractions. The
states are Wisconsin, Minnesota, and
North Dakota. And the league of in
terest has been formed by the extern
ton divisions of these institutions.
- The result?
Higher class attractions, at cheap
er prices to the communities; a guar
artee Of the quality and morality Of
the comr a1ies that visit the places
where lyceum courses are a feature
of community life; more communities
reaching forward and upward; moro
folks happier. ....a
1t all came about in the early fall
when Paul F. Voelker of the Univer-
sity of Wisconsin, J. J. Pettijohn of
the University of North Dakota, and
Richard R. Price of the University
of Minnesota met in Madison, Wis
consin, for a conference and formed
an association. Already cooperation
has begun, and definite plans are be-
ing laid for the season of 1914-1915
when all attractions will be secur I'd
for service in the three states.
BY this cooperative plan better
service may be secured to a 'arg+r
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23

number of people at a. lower cost
In bringing artists and great lecturers
from distance more dates can be
booked, making it possible for each
number to be given at a lower prize.
The best talent of the nation is So
cured and brought to the people at
reasonable prices.
This year the lecture department OF
the University of Minnesota General
Extension Division is putting n
about rs courses in the various com
munities of the state. With the In
PRODUCTION of popular features, con-
.certs, and entertainments, a real de-
mand is met and the growth of the
department is assured. Next year
without doubt a hundred commun.
tiles will be benefiting themselves ~
this plan.
In addition to popular lecture,
which are largely inspirational in
their nature, and study club lectures
which are largely educational in
their character, the lecture depart
ments of the three universities offer
community lectures on the question
of public health, libraries, town
planning and building, social centers,
etc. These community lectures are
to be a prominent feature the coming
season, the idea being that it is the
duty of the universities to aid COM
munitie in the solution of practical
problems.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23
State Of Ohio, City Of Toledo,
Lucas County.
So.

Frank j. Cheney makes oath that he Is
senior partner Of the firm Of F. J. Chen
ey & Co., doing business in the City of
Tslede. County and State aforesaid. and
that said firm will pay the sum of ONE
HUNDRED DOLLARS for each and ev-
cry case Of Catarrh that cannot be cured
by the use Of HALLS CATARRH CURE.
FRANK J. CHENEY. 3
Sworn to before me and subscribed in
my presence. this 9Th day of December,
A. D. 1886.
(SeaD A. W. GLEASON,
Notary Public.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internal
~. and acts directly upon the blood and
mucous surfaces Of the system. Send
for testimonials free. $50
F. ]. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, O.
Sold by all druggists. 75c. 81
Take Halls Family Pills for constipa-
ton. q.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23
Minneapolis Grain.

Minneapolis, Dec. Wheat-De
S4c; May, $3.50; July, SsAc. Cash
close on track: No. I hard. s77sc; No.
1 Northern, S5ss@877sc; to arrive
sos @S65sc; No. 2 Northern, S3as @
S51sc; No. 3 Northern, S1%@83Xc;
No. yellow corn, 6O72 oslo; No. q
corn, 54@571sc; No. white oats,
36%c; to arrive. 36Mc; No. oats,
321z @S51zc; barley, e4@67c; flax,
$1.4613.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23

FOR SALE The s.W. II OF the s.
ELI Of Section 21-146-32. This
forty has fair house and barn
and few acres under cultivation
and is on mail, telephone and
cream route. Price $4,000 per
acre. Time given to suit purchaser
interest per cent. For further
particulars call on or address A.
Kaiser, Bagley, Mimi
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23

x 4 kkft k&<ftkkf kfk \
+ One-half cent per word per x
= issue, cash with copy. x
k Regular charge rate one <
kcent per word per insertion. No \
x ad taken for less than 10 X
* cents Phone 81. x
* X * * X x x X x x X * & * * X
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23
Chicago Live Stock.

Chicago, Dec. Cattle Beeves,
,S6.60@9.75; Texas steers, $6.6O@7.6O;
Western steers, $5.SO@7.60; stockers
and feeders, s4.9O@7.35; COWS and
heifers, s3.3O@8.4O; calves, $1,000
1850. HogsL Light, $7.30@I65; mix.
ed, $7.40@7.75; heavy, $7.40@7.75;
rough, $7.40@750; pigs, $6.25@7.6O.
sheep-Native, $4.25@55O; Western.
$4.25@5.50.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23

FOR SALE 800 acres of good hard
wood land clay soil some ma
tural meadow. Only six miles
from Hines, on good road, near
Nice River and Lakes. Several
hundred cords of birch and lamar
ack wood. This will make an i'd
cal stock farm, and if taken soon
can be had for $3.50 per acre, u
cash, balance back on the land at
s per cent interest, to suit pur-
chaser. Write v. M. Owen, Hines,
MINI.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23
WANT ADS Want ADS.

x 4 Xxx q * x
= One-half cent per word per \
* issue, cash with copy.
= Regular charge rate one x
Z cent per word per insertion. No X
s ad taken for less than 10 x
x cents Phone 81. x
& * * x * x kktf ~ *
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23
South st. Paul Live Stock.

South ST. Pail, Dec. 20 Cattle
Steers, s5.50@7.75; cows and heiters,
$4.50@6.60: calves, $450@9.OO: feed
ers, $5.75@700. Hogs 81 .35@7.45.
Sheep $5.5O@7.OO; wethers.
$3.75@4.50; ewes, $2.5O@4.35.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23
Chicago Grain and Provisions.

Chicago Grain and PROVISIONS.
Chicago, Dec. Wheat Dec,
$780, May, 951s@95Ac; July, S7Mc.
Corn Dec 69K @69%c; May, 68Mc.
Oats-Dec., $3.50; May, 41Ac; July,
41kc. Pork-Jan., s2O.52; May, 500.
Is. Butter Creameries 30@34c. Eggs
-29@31c. Poultry Springs, l2c;
hens, 121hc; turkeys, Ice.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1913-12-23
FARMS FOR SALE.

FOR SALE-75 and 30-100 acres on
famous twin lakes, one of the best
locations in Minnesota for a sum-
mer home or resort, having lake
front and nice high banks with
fine grove of Norway pines near
the water. Good level clay land
about 100000 feet Of good pine
timber and 100000 feet Of hard
wood timber on the land. Only six
miles from Hines and Tenstrike
and on good wagon road. Fine
fishing in these lakes. Price, If
taken with the timber on, ST.
10000. 100000 down and If
taken with timber reserved, ST.
10000. $500 down and balance
on time at SO interest. Address
V. M. Owen, Hines, MINI.