The Yale expositor., 1913-05-15
A HUSBANDS
TOMBSTONE
By M. QUAD
Copyright, 1912. by Associated Lit
erary Press.
By M. QUAD

When one day after running a mile
at top speed boy breathlessly in.
formed the wife OF Alonzo Smith that
her husband had been gored to death
by bull she tainted away. When the
body was brought home she tainted
again. At the funeral she fuinted so
far away that they had to take her
home.
Had Mrs. Smith dropped the faint
ing business after three months peo-
pie would have gone on for another
three calling her poor thing" She
didn't do it only in part. As time
went by she could get to that point In
her story to where the bull tossed
Smith for the second time. and then
from ten TO thirty minutes uncon-
seriousness stepped In. 1t was hard on
the neighbors. but a heap harder on
her minister.
PEARSON, must get a tombstone for
poor Alonzo's grave as soon as posi-
ble," she said one day when she
wasn't fainting
"Of course, sister"
81 don't want to accept an obituary
In hurry. l want one to do justice
to his character l am going to write
one, and shall ask all my friends to
do the'same."
IT Will certainly do my full share"
And he did, and so did dozen 9TH
ers. In the course Of three months
124 specimen obituaries were handed
In. Never In his fifty years of life did
Alonzo Smith receive one-tenth Of the
attention he did in the first six months
after his demise. The widow read all
the obituaries, but accepted none
''They are all good. but I don't think
none OF them quite do him justice"
The minister had gone as far as he
dared, as Mr. Smith was not member
OF his church with the wife, and he
had been known TO break loose with
the English language on slight provo
cation. He had said that AlonZo had
gone to his rest. and what was our
loss was his gain. and he thought that
doing pretty well by man who was
hooking harvest game
II think it ought to say that he died
from being gored by a bull" argued
the widow.
IT must differ with you there" soft
ly replied the parson.
"And 1t ought to say that he was
tossed three different times"
IT can't agree"
"And I'm wondering If II shouldn't
say how ] took the news You know
how many times | tainted away.
don't want the world to think ! just
gave yell and was all over it.
OF course the tombstone makers
were not given the go-by. When the
local supply was exhausted the out
siders were taken in. Marble shops
from fifty miles around sent on their
agents. Some were very solemn and
serious men, and some were inclined
to frivolity and do business the same
as II buying or selling pork, but no
specimen OF tombstone that had ever
headed a grave was quite good enough
for the late Alonzo. Her first words
to any agent were:
"I want tombstone with something
on top of it,
"Oh, you mean lambp
mo, don't. Alonzo was no lamb"
"Then an angel?"
mo; he was no angel"
"Then what's your idea?
my dear husband was killed by q
bull"
$50 you have said"
"I have been thinking Of having
bull on the stone instead of lamb or
an angel, but haven't fully made up
my mind yet. 1 will consult my min
lister and let you know"
And then she would call on the par |
son and put the case to him and break |
down and begin to sob as he replied:
81 should have a plain tombstone, |
sister,"
Eyes, guess WILL"
By the next day she would get the |
idea of having a weeping woman on
the stone, and, putting on her hat In a
hurry, she would burst in on the par
son with the news.
"But don't see the object" he would |
reply.
Hadn't ought to let the world
know that weep?"
1.-THE world will take it for granted"
Two years went by and there was nc
tombstone yet-in fact. the obituary
was not yet selected. Everybody but
the parson had refused to have any
thing more to do with the case. He
had to keep It in mind because the
widow wouldn't give him time to for
get An idea came to the good man
one day as he saw Mr.. Thornton, the
owner Of the bull, on the street Mr..
Thornton had been widower for a
year. He was asked to call at the
parsonage some day, and when he did
so he was told that now was the time
to make reparation. He had never
paid the widow any damages. Why
not square things by marrying herr