davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
A Friend of the King.
A Hit for
Every Head
ONE CENT

The Hon. Frank Wayland Smith.
enc If tire most attractive and bril-
liant men of which this proud Cap
ital may well boast. is back ssain In
orT midst after raying a rying visit
to his dear old friend. King George
Of England. yWho Recently cibled the
How. Frank 10 conc over and see
me on urgent Affairs of state" The
Hon. Frank has a button in his POS
session which he values highly. II
having seen service on one nf the
kins's trousers. Likewise stump a
cigar which the King threw aus-
rs the Queen hove IN sight around
the corner She lthe 0uecnl ays
she has M use for a man that
smokes. even if he bc a King The
Hon. Frank has = genuine Ensli>h
complexion truddy ard beefy around
the necSl. drors his his to heat the
hand. and reads only English news
parsrs. He was heard to great ad-
vantage on his return TO the States
when he sang on board the King Of
England. Rule Britannia. winding
M with God Save the King" He
was made an honorable member OF
the Sons Of st. Gerge. the Sons Of
81. Patrick. the Sons Of ST. An
drew. the Sons Of st. David. and
other purely British families. Ne
vesn twecds. kits. friezes. spats.
fore-and-sfts. a monocie. talks golf,
and turns up his trousers He jnst
dotes on London fog. He is the cyno-
sure Of all eyes and the enyied Of
the envied.
LORD CHoLMONpELY Gun
NINGHAM DE BUHRMAN.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
A Boon for Deserted Wives.

According to a report from Chicago,
more than a thousand husbands who
are now supporting or aiding in the
support of their families might have
been in prison if the Court of Domestic
Relations had not made so liberal a
use Of the adult probation law in force
there. This undoubtedly is humani-
tartan as well as practical and of ulti-
mate benefit to society. Formerly in
cases OF this kind the judges had no
alternative but to send recalcitrant hus-
bands to the workhouse or jail. unless
they let an otherwise respectable first
offender off on promise to do his duty
by his family.
But on the whole a wife generally
increased her burdens by sending her
husband to prison. especially when
there were small children and hungry
mouths to feed.
Our Chicago contemporary tells us
that by the terms of the adult proba-
ton law a defaulting husband is given
his choice between a term in Jail or
agreeing to support his family. In the
latter case he is allowed 10 go free
but i placed in charge of probation
officer. whose duty it is to see to it
that he carries ont his promise to the
court. and who thus acts the part OF
big brother to the wife and
mother,
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
Calf Knows . Thing or Two.

From Science.
A man concerned IN educational mat
tiers in Tennessee had been converted
to the agricultural point Of view. He
made no such mistake as to go to the
people with messages Of chemistry, bot
any or zoology, but, on the contrary. ad-
vocated eminently practical measures.
At a meeting up in the hill country he
made an address in which he labored
long and arduously to prove to the audi
ence that every bod and every girl should
know how to milk q COW, and to this end
should attend an agricultural college
After wearing himself and the audience
pretty well out he threw the meeting
open for remarks and discussion. After
a painful silence a gaunt old man with
hay-colored whiskers, the principal of
theological seminary. arose. stranger.
said he, 'I agree with you that every
boy, black or white, should know how
to milk a COW. I even agree that every
girl should include this art along with
her other Accomplishments. However,
I want to make this suggestion. Wouldn't
II be a good thing for a college to teach
its students something that calf
couldn't beat 'em at?'
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16

Clothes are the outer husks Of hu-
manity.
The Creator did not make man with
clothes. But man mas always acted as IL
this was an oversight.
When a baby Is born it Is hustled into
clothes. And when an old man dies, he
is buried in a new suit
Man can get along without ears or
hair and can be fairly happy without
arms or legs. but without clothes he Is
helpless and sad. II a prominent citizen
should be extracted from his trousers
and a million dollars were to be piled
across the street from him with his
name on II he would spend all day
shouting for a barrel
Clothes are used by some for a pro-
lection. by others as a convention, by
others as a decoration. and by still others
as an adventure. In this country clothes
are now a cross between a scandal and
a national panic.
The lilies of the field are not arrayed
like a New York woman in the latest
style Of skirt. II they were, the farmer
would throw a gunny sack over them.
Four years ago people were shocked BY
the peek-a-boo waist and the mosquito
friend stocking. Now We would be re-
lieved II the women would put them
back.
II Paris continues to send US new
limits In clothes-dod gins. the fashionable
women should be compelled to wear the
bill and have the clothes mailed to her
husband.
All over the fashionable world cleve.'
men are racking their brains In the ef-
fort to design something that women VIII
not wear. But they have not succeeded
up to date.
In the old days man earned q living
for his family and put the rest into
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
Who Is Really on Trial.

The consensus of opinion OF the cit
izens of New York. TO Judge by the
many letters printed in the columns
Of the metropolitan paper, seems TO
be that. no matter what Gov. Sulzer.
who is under impeachment charges,
may have done. he is infinitely better
than Murphy and Tammany.
This sentiment, while misdirected. is
healthy fundamentally. for it affords a
ray of light in that Murphy and his
cohorts may finally be disposed OF.
There could be no more satisfactory
outcome OF the present scandal at Al
bany than to have the vengeance which
Boss Murphy is trying to wreak upon
a Governor who defed him. be visited
upon his own corrupted self, and his
rapacious tiger.
Let it be remembered in all fairness
to the disgraced Governor that despite
Murphy's peremptory commands to his
henchmen the ballot impeaching Sulzer
showed only three votes in excess of
the bare majority required by the Con-
stitution. Was not this an irrefuta-
bic proof of the detestation in which
Murphy-and Tammany-are held by
The freeholders CT that State? On the
record of the case the accusation of the
Governor should have been almost
unanimous. But the very fact that
Murphy was at the bottom of it, has
discredited the effort in the eyes of
thousands.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
EVERY SATURDAY.
CrrMouo: lfyou see it in The b.
Sid. it ism nee.sssrily SO.
Our Village.

Ye I'd is receiving many he
quests this week on his Slccess in
forecssting dry Sundays. Go as far
a. YOU like, We say.
It's high time some Of our W. X
cts. soicurnins by the wild wayrs
~ Atlantic City were reSCuinS ar
uther beautiful Pittsburgh heiress"
from uaterv grave. Jim Kelly,
Jim Green. Billy Hart please motel.
Quite few Of oar Prominent vii
Layers are installing SUNDAY irrisa-
tion plants into their homes.
Rain has ceased to be a great de
fcienCy. Many think our climate
is changing. There may be sunshine
today: maybe not.
Quite few farmers were on the
street Yesterday. and quite a few
more will he there today. In fact,
there are quite a few in this village
ANYHOW.
Work on the new Arlington Is he-
ing pushed. but which way. many
are asking.
Looks like Ben johnson, the boes
bUrsomaster Of this village. WAS go
ing to look for closet skeletons.
Our baseball team is like Finne-
gan: of again: on again: gone
again: Finnegan.
Never saw so MANY new straw
hats: they're cheap now and every
body gets one or two for next sea-
son. Did you ever?
TOM GRANT.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
THE CHERRY MINE WIDOWS.
How Cupid Has Played the Mischief
with Their Pensions.

From the Survey.
So many Cherry mine widows have re-
married that all the calculations for the
pension fund have been upset. OF the
sloo,000 originally appropriated by the llli-
nois Legislature. $4,000 remained unex-
pended and reverted to the State treas
ury. but this years Legislature reappro-
priated the money.
When the Red Cross worked out the
pension scheme. the national director. Err
nest +. Bicknell, estimated that. OF the
ia widows whose average age was TWEEN
ty-six, half would marry again In the first
two years; that at the end of five years
a still larger proportion would have re-
and that those who did not re-
marry by that time probably never would
Others, including the members
OF the Cherry mine commission, thought
that Mr.. Bicknell greatly overestimated
the part which marriage would play In
the pension fund from the care
of these widows and their families. Ths
money which Mr.. Bicknsll thought ade-
quate for the fund they considered far
too little, but they finally accepted his
and set aside the sum he
suggested. New 1t has turned out that
even Mr.. B.cknell should have had more
confidence in Cupid.
At the end of three years no less than
lily-s u lHt pcllSlOu
rIed- The number was further depleted
by removals, eleven to Europe. two
Deaths, and nine granted Carnegie PEN
sions. SO that only thirty-six widows Of
the ia were receiving pensions July l.
At meeting July 10 the commission de-
cided to transfer the twenty beneficiaries
of the second class. called allotment fam
lies. to beneficiaries OF tile first class. or
pension families. The plan under which
the commission began its payments pro-
vided for two classes of beneficiaries-a
pension class, where all the children IN
the families were under fourteen years
of age. and an allotment class for the
payment of certain pro rata allotments
to families wnere some of the children
were over fourteen, or TO widows without
Under the original plan the
decided to pay pensions only
until the oldest. or perhaps in some cases
the two or three oldest children, were
fourteen. But at the meeting Of July 10
it decided to grant pensions until the
child reaches fourteen Thus
every Cherry family will be pensioned
until the youngest child Is OF legal work.
ing age.
Moreover at the termination Of the pen
sion the widow will be paid a lump sum
OF 800, which will be increased as the
state of the funds permits In this way
an elastic sinking fund will be provided
out of which payments can be made from
time to time to the widows, until the fund
is exhausted.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
Court Gossip of Interesting
EpentS on Iw0 Continents

mems that the curious will not willing
ly let die. OF these poems the author
'.modestly" declares that. though the
dificulty OF adapting English syllables
to the Greek rules IL great. yet the ex-
periments reveal vast unexplored
field of delicate and expressive
rhythms. hitherto unknown in English
poetry. which amply rewarded him.
They are trying an experiment in the
censorship Of public morals in Faridkot,
an Indian State of the Punjab. The az
fairs of Faridkot are administered by III,
president OF the Council of Regency,
whose avowed aim Is to develop a per-
feet community. wherein no crime shall
exist and all men shall work for the
public good. So he has set up a sys-
TEN Of registration by which the people
are classified under three heads-Neko-
kars Good citizens), Sulakars (concilia-
tors). and Siahkars (evildoers).
The system Is so all-embracing that
there Is hardly an inhabitant of a village
without his name being recorded in the
registers, according to his character o:
conduct. As the names are entered sr
a public place In the presence Of all the
prominent men of the village and the
person whose name is recorded is put
to shame or adnired. as the case may
he. the sense of repentance that this ac-
ton arouses in Siahkar's tevildoers)
mind. truly remarkable. In a word. none
would like to be called a Siahkar. and
everyone therefore is always careful that
his character is absolutely free fron
fault.
The scepticaI Westener win wonder
whether the compiler of the ofhcial re-
port has not permitted himself a little
too much optimism. Human nature be-
ing what 1t is. the state register may
become no more accurate than ar
epitaph.
Archdeacon Kaye. who died at the age
Of ninety-four. spent practically his
whole life at Lincoln. He was the son
Of Bishop Kaye. who held the See of
Lincoln from 1877 until 1858, and he mar
ried a daughter of his fathers success
scr. Bishop Jackson. who was trans-
ferred from Lincoln to London in 1855
He was educated at Eton and at Bal'ioI
He held the Rectory of Riseholme from
1876 until his death. and he was vicar
of North Callton (both poor liviEg9,
from 1si7 until 1902. His father built .he
pretty church at Riseholme in 1851. and
he himself restored the church at North
Carlton. Bishop jackson collated mis-
son-in-law in 1858 to the ArchdeacorIy
of Lincoln cathedral. The late arch
deacon was distinguished for his oII-
fashioned courtesy and charm of man.
ner. FLANEuR-
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16

Ercm the Kansas City Times
Say" said the motorist, I'VE hit
little town up in Iowa where they GER
tainly combine sport and the public
veal AS We rolled up the main street
we found II was one of those typical
small towns in which every store has
its fringe of dry goods boxes and every
box was held down by the regulation
town ioafer.
.'EGt the thing that struck US as queer
vas that each Ioafer was doubly armed
"a fly swatter in one hand and a pencil
in the other. OF course. We understood
that the swat the fly crusade had pene-
rrated even there, but We didn't grasp
the idea of the pencils. especially as ev-
cry box was decorated with long rows
or marks checked on IN rows of 1ves-
We soon found out. however. We no.
iced that every time a man swatted
fly he made a mark on the box. and in
quiry showed tnat the loafers put down
mark for each fly killed and make
tets on their skill. the one having the
biggest score winning. The town is said
to be delighted to at last have found &
useful occupation for its loafers."
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16

to glimpse
His Majesty wsand the German Emperor OF Washington
he the throne Besss Hail. ated In MS
smountns his curly locks scerter held
aIi hand gar Of authority firmly gaed In the other
Mainus Cabinet and looked RADIANT IN
wstcoat white and real Shoes The Big stick artist
to a his majesty. which Ii he
anointed
without saying he went
rhaIsoie But ms
ogunnance when Marinus said:
This kbosh the sunday amusemenls
beloved Germans and makes them UNHAPPY My heat oeeds
the chiefs OF
Americans Of this country
defend Of freedom and liberty and preserve of
OF and hoerb-
loving citizen.
pressed o extreme like and soldiers
Another ms
lis the der Dentshe Tag or German Day ~h
that all togetnf
this COMMUNICATING the deeds performed In the interest o. ne
Fathland
this unite the various factions and ons
influential organization which VIII
Washington and this connection
that there people who way
equipped qualified deserving oil the highest Offices In ne
Il eside glorious United states
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
Little Things.

Il never" said Roe Fulkerson.
"permit myself to be disturbed over
trifies. There are so many big
things TO engage ones attention that
I consider il foolish 10 let the little
ones bother me. Think how many
people permit Themselves 10 go all to
pieces every time anything happens
TO fall in their way. They are the
ones who make the world a dismal
place. II every one would learn to
pass over the little troubles-to ig-
nore them-how much more good
cheer there would be. II is a sign of
a small nature TO let a little thing
distress one to- Wow. oh. Lord |!
oh, Oh, Blank. blank. blank,
blank, -, - II I've got a
sreck in my eve. Oh, Lordl It's
nearly killing me!r'
TOM FOLEY.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
The Parcel Post and Bad Debtors.

Kansas is still ahead of us all in
creating diversions in the field of
progress. The latest bright idea con-
Germs the parcel post and reaches an
admiring world through the Boston
Chamber of Commerce. This is the
story:
A merchant had been carrying a
nur-',cr of small accounts for years
without any chance of ever getting his
money. But when the parcel post es-
tablished its c. o. d. department he
hit upon process that brought him
cash flowing in from all sides. This is
what he did, if what we read in a
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
Referred to the Honor.
able Justices of Our
Honorable Po-
lice Courts.

Drunkenness. as defined by the
Governor of Arkansas: "A degree Of
intoxication which incapacitates q
person reasonably to transact busi-
ness or renders one ridiculous in the
eyes Of the people"
JONES & WORKS.
P. S. Terms used indicating prun-
ificztion: Stewy muddle. lovely sosh.
fine old skate. spiffiicated. crying
jag. polluted. paralyzed, picked. all
lit up. completely saturated. Joyous
suuse. gilt-edged bun. holdover. all
shot to -. stewed. tanked, fuller
nagos,. peachofanedge. loaded to the
guards, corned for fair. &c.
ANDY WILSON.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
NJ GEORGE FITCH,
Author Of at Good Old Siwash."

clothes for his women folks. But now
he earns clothes for the women and
sinks back into the protecting arms oi
a rich son-in-law when all is over.
Woman puts on the new style TO-DAY
and marches down the street protected
by q platoon OF police But tomorro"
she weeps and will not be comforted be-
cause her best friend is being moboei
in a new gown with a pergola skirt and
her own picture in an umbrella cover
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
Strictly Confidential.

King Alfonso will not visit the o.
s. this year tcable).
There will be no effort On the part
Of the Rep. and B. VI. parties to As
sist Pres. Wilson to become the
greatest Pres. this country ever had.
Samuel Blythe win write another
story for the 8. Z. P. and other
magazines. A. p. & u. p.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
What He Would Have Bought.

Frpm Harrers Weekly.
IF l had known 7 was to marry your
whole family" said Rinks. ruefully. '1'C
never nave wasted s. on an engagemen,
ring for YOU
No" said Mrs. Binks. coIdIy.
No" said Binks. I'd have bought q
I5-cent belt. big enough TO circumscrib.
the whole crowd"
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16

wife near fei down last mite and like
to broke her dam nek. Please send
humber and fiR our bath tup. II
win soon be time now for n to use
him agen and oblise. yours truly"
GARDINER DENT.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
Albany, Aug. Is, lol3.

Albany. Aug. ID, lol3.
John Barrett.
Pan-American and So On,
Washington. d. c.:
Come here right OF; you are the
only man to run our Office for sixty
days and siraiehten out things.
SULZER. Governor.
GLYNN, Acting Governor.
Sulzer and Glynn,
Governors. &c,
Albany. N. T.:
Thsaks. Sorry awfuIly, but the
President may at any moment send
me secretly to Mexico.
BARRETT.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
ALEXANDRIA WHARFAGE !
TAX IS MADE GENERAL
Police Justice Thompson Holds Boat
Owners Must Pay No Matter Where
Unloading Is Effected.
BROKERS' CASE CONTINUED

Alexandria, Va, Aug. ia continu-
ance until Friday afternoon next at I
o'clock was granted this afternoon by
u. S. Commissioner r. p. w. Garnett in
the case of George d. Horning. WASH
ington loan broker. charged with placing
dirt on a government reservation at the
south end of the highway bridge.
The continuance was granted at the in
stance of Capt. Crandal Mackey. who
represents Mr.. Horning In the proceed
ings.
Some time ago Mr.. Horning erected a
loan office directly south of the high
way bridge, and 1t is at this point that
the dirt is alleged to have been placed
in order to fill up bad place near the
road.
1t is understood that the proceedings
were instituted by the War Department.
Attorney Mackey claims that no Of
fense has been committed. and he feels
satisfied that the case will be droppei
by the government. However. 1t Is said
that the question Of ownership of the
land may be the point of contention on
the governments side.
Police Justice Thompson has ruled tfat
hereafter persons who fail to pay the
required wharfage for unloading vessels
a: the corporation FISH wharf will be
fined at the rate OF s. for each hour
the boat may lie in any other dock In the
city.
This action was taken in dismissing
case of a boat owner who unloadcd
watermelons at a wharf other than the
city fish wharf and who refused to pay
the required wharfage.
Some time ago II was ruled in the Fo-
lice Court that dealers who desired to
unload fruit and other things at Oth.r
than the city wharf could do so, but
that under the law they would be com
PEELED to pay wharfage to the lessee of
the city fish wharf,
There will be an adjourned meeting
of the Board of Aldermen at noon to-
morrow for the purpose OF passing
ordinances authorizing the Improvement
OF certain squares on the northwestern
section of the city. These ordinances
We're read at the last meeting of the al
dermen. Tuesday night, but under the
rules. were laid over. The aldermen
will then adjourn until the second Tues
day in October.
\ new chemical fire engine for the
subdivision known as Rosemont now is
housed in the new engine house at that
place. hose cart with 400 feet of fire
hose and two chemical hand fire ex-
tinguishers for emergency use. together
with the engine, constitutes this sub
divisions fire fighting spparatus. 1t is
expected that within a short time a test
of the new engine will be given.
lawn fete probably will be held for the
benefit of the recently organized volun-
teer fire department of that subdivision.
Masses were celebrated at and $50
o'clock this morning ~ ST. Msry's Catho-
lie Church in observance of the feast Of
the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin
Mary. Both services were largely at
tended.
Subscriptions amounting to $40 have
been received by the management of the
Alexandria Hospital for the repair fund
to that institution. The work OF repair
ing the damage done by the recent storm
Is now rapidly nearing completion.
Eugene Parker. charged with assault
ing Annie Palmer colored. Nav 2 last
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
FOR WARD:

Forward this great republic gces
Through bliss or sorrow. JOYS OF woes.
Over the sunlit hills or SHOWS.
Cunluerins all its bastard foes!
Forward! the nation moves along
Like the strain of a loTe-ht song
Or nv sic music TO prulCn-
The reign of all the brave and strong
Forward nv country. ever be
Leader of all that's good and free.
With sIsrs and stripes DER land and sea
Naring for love eternally'
JOHN A. JOYCE.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16
AuTTLE NONSENSE.
THE CUBIsTs.

These Cubists are a funny crowd,
They keep you guessing hard.
A fairy floating on a cloud
Looks like lumber yard.
They set at naught all painting laws.
With one another vie.
The Cupid that a Cubist draws
Looks like a piece OF pie.
They are creating quite a whirl.
And no doubt get the cash.
But who would see a pretty girl
Look like plate of hash?
Lots of LonhnR.
They harvest ginseng only once in
seven years"
You don't say. Where my hired man
belongs is on a ginseng farm"
Vacation. Cheap.
Great scheme"
How now?"
You can buy tan and sunburn at the
drug stores.
How They Live.
when I get to New York. I wonder
how all those teeming millions manage
to grab out a living
Say on
But when I leave, with depleted
bank roll. the mystery is not SO great
as it was"
Hot Weather.
They talk about rare days in May;
This baking sun
Has served the August kind, I'd say,
Well done.
Zero Temperature.
THE rear seats at the theater are said
to be the coolest
Naturally. it is always cooler around
row.
The Only Thing.
well. 1 got something in free Of
duty
What was that
THE English cigarette l was smoking
as / left the dock"
HistOricaI Note.
John Howard Payne wrote there's no
place like home after coming back from
vacation
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16

Just as the Senate gets about ready to
agree on a date to vote on the tariff bill.
the weather turns cool.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16

The cartoonists do not know every
thing. For instance. they do not seem
to know that Gov. John Lind has only
one arm.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16

1t is nevertheless a fact that a great
many people will regard Gov. Sulzer as
innocent IL Tammany pronounces him
guilty.
The Washington herald., 1913-08-16

A Boston chormaster is being sued for
breach of promise. He must have prom
ised the girl in a falsetto.