New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-08-31
City Described by One Who Has
Never Been Here.
SAYS WE EAT C0RNC0BS
Tells of "Honus' Wagner's
Wonderful Pitching" and
Gives the Police a Rap.
IRON The Tribune Correspondent. ]

LfT0m The Tribune Correspondent
London, Aug 23-"The Daily EXPRESS
has been piqued by Franklin Adams,
magazine story describing London as he
| has conceived 1t from study Of current
English literature. English visitors TO-
New York and English musical comedies
on the transatlantic tour, and has con.
cocted in reply the following description
of New York by one who has never been
there:
One OF the most delightful experiences
OF my stay in New York was the dis.
covery OF how 10 remember my own sd-
dress | thought OF A number doubled
IL, cubed f.. took away the number 7
first thought OF, jumped into an overhead
train and said. Say. Kiddo. put me next
to block ll7la in 573.25 street.
Addresses in New York are not so much
addresses as mathematical formula, and
when a man gets drunk he has 70 be
taken home by chartered accountants
Among my memories OF New York
shall always value the recollection OF a
visit 10 Wall Street. In anticipation
that the afternoons work would entail
more than the usual number OF financial
crises. the brokers all came stripped to
the waist and the scene as Canadian Pa
ciSc dropped a couple OF points and the
frenzied fnanciers bit each other in the
neck. was thrilling in the extreme.
One broker alternated between MILL
ionaire and bankrupt so many times in
the space OF three minutes that he los,
the score and ended up by not knowing
what he was. and strangled himself with
length OF latest tape prices
Never shall forget my first baseball
match when l sat with 100000 other
fans, all chewing gum, in unison, and
shouted Jaw, you pie-face.' as Hans
Wagner, the s5,000-a-day athlete put
such swerve into his pitches that every
time the ball wrote his name in the air
and fetched UP with the tail Of the last
letter on the batsman's left ear.
Then II was | heard the boys OF the
Ezekiah College yell-"Zip Zip! Huh hun.
Yah! +. 7. 3. r. o. t." II is such
difficult yell that sometimes they have 10
take out their chewing gum before they
can give It with proper effect
There Is one striking simplicity about
the population OF New York. as YOU will
have gathered from American magazine
stories. Every man In New York is eithe'
an ex-Harvard fullback. crook or
millionaire. with long black cigar fittings
and beauteous but wilful daughter,
young man has no chance OF becom'
ing an American hero, with a stern
square jaw, unless he has qualified BY
I'd fttiiNoaL ha z only
picked for the forward line there Is no
hope Of him getting his picture drawn on
the magazine covers by Harrison Fisher
His only other chance is 10 be either
crook or a millionaire.
The Great White Way of Broadway is
some place for electric lights. II is sol'
of mixture OF Leicester Square at mo-
night and a Brooks benefit. The iisns
are So dazzling that the pedestrians wear
smoked glasses over their eyes. Ever!
American chorus girl eats Holsters fo'
supper. and the noise at midnight VINE"
they crack the shells in a hundred res
taurants is like the roar Of the waves U"
the shingle.
New York is some place for skyscrape''
The Flatron Building, for instance N
so high that the express lifts have
taurant cars attached 10 them ior W.
convenience OF residents who have
make the journey down from the "'
floor. -
At the restaurants one can only
canvasback ducks and sweet corheo.
The canvasback ducks, especially W.
the canvas is well painted. are deus"n
but IL takes little practice TO se'
the New York way OF eating corncoo
Is like playing a mouth organ. han
The policemen are all Irish ana Zen
they are not taking brides they 49,.
themselves nj by clubbing innocent
,rians of The sidewalk. New York
..ln.oI