New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-09-02
AS | WAS SAYING

Let all shed three hearty tears for Mayor Gay
and his honorable. though rambunctous. insdes.
The "fshhook, to begin with. Personally, we should
resent hshhook in our throat, and not char about
1t our pucky Mayor does
Then consider those other insdes of his. They
have raised the very Old Hapgood with the Mayor.
Worst Of It is they claim be casting the FISH
hook" whereas really they cast everything else
out" Which is a dire nuisance, humanity. and dis
turbing politically. You read his honor's account OF
IT, no doubt:
MY right lung, pneumogastric nerve and stomach
have again taken IL into their heads that by COM
bined and violent effort they succeed"
Fusion!
Up Boston way there is much commoton about
the "Er" and its henchmen who feel that they have
been sighted in the distribution OF the riches So
d commission is looking into it, not without glee.
For wonderful things have come out-among others
a booklet entitled THE Complete Door Slammer,"
in which the companys servants are besought to
despise the public but 'humor" II:
I'm handling the public we must all take the pub
lie as it is and not as 1t should be"
I'VE can never make the public any better by imi-
tating IT,"
Nearly all people are mean at some time.
But
Few people mean at all times.
THE people who are mean I'm the morning are
frequently kind enough at night"
You get the drift. Jolly reverential, isn't 1t?
They are a topsy -turvy race in Boston closely re-
sembling the Chinese. They to church at the New
Old South. They have North End Mission in the
South End. They walk dryshod in their Back Bay.
And as for their Elevated Railway cars they some
times take to the upper air, but more generally TO
the surface scoot underground.
Consequently THE Complete Door Slammer" has a
wide and enthralng interest. 1t reveals what
carmen" think Of the public almost anywhere, and
We guess the hour has struck TO enlighten them
possibly by blowing up the conductor every time a
motorman sets us down In mud puddle.
'All clipper on board just as IL nothing had hap
pened" says wireless from the singed but saucy
Imperator. Ship dances joyously from wave TO
wave, never in such spirits" Naturally! Isn't she
expecting little sister?
Compare this picture with the opposite. The
time is coming when there will be no such crimes
against childhood The state will pay to keep chill
dren with their mothers in other real homes"
Bravo. Good Housekeeping! Sound gospel But
kindly glance once more at those pictures and tell
us why the children in the home with big H.
are enjoying n high old lark. while the children In
the 'home with little h" have faces twice as long
as the Erie Canal
What! They told you men brilliant" in their
cups? They said men were witty? Oh! yes, We
have heard that swinde. What explains II? Dutch
courage" we fancy.
Example: Sober Reggie is no talker. When a
chestnut pops into his head he thinks, Darn 1t,
they've heard that before 1T will offend Father
Stiff" or IF try it / shall get ratified and leave
out the point, the way did last time or NO, I'll
keep it for the Alumni Dinner
But give him a fifth glass and what happens?
All those deterrent ideas fall asleep in Reggie s
brain. The only idea left awake is that chestnut.
Nothing hndering. out 1t jumps
Funny? No. but Reggie 49, h. L. H.