The Washington times., 1913-10-14
Conquests of
~ Constance
I'VE got tn promise Nv goin' to
~ tn Yale-Princeton game next
month" Constance was visibly

month" Constance was visibly
excited in anticipation. "An' I'm
layin' wake nights plannin' my togs."
Who are you for?'' inquired. SYM
phonies of orange and black and Yale
blue rising before me-
That's what I'm tryin' to decide"
she confessed. i've spent hours in
front Nv tn glass with piece Nv
orange-colored cheesecloth twisted roun'
my bean. An then I've switched to
Pas blue silk muffler. tryin' to decide.
An I'll be blowed II am. Th' orange
does gimme look Nv diableary. but then
tn dark blue brings out tn furnished
tints Nv my hair an kind NV smacks Nv
royalty"
But the fellow who's going TO take
you," | gasped. What's he? Yale or
Princeton"
Connie crinkled her retrousse feature
and winked.
"Oh, he's just plain laundry I'll let
en- to you, even though I wouldn't to
another livin' soul. He works in a swell
laundry. an they got a motorcycle with
a box fitted on 1t fer deliverin' tn wash
See? Well, he en- take tn box off'n it
an put one NV them dinky little seats
or fer me. So we'll spin down there in
style"
Going to take your lunch?"
Take lunch? Me carryin' a Switzer
kase sandwich IT. a crepe paper nap
kin. with dill pickle dampin through +?
Nay! When We dock tn craft we'll HE
Us to tn inn to dine. They tell me that
they're so rushed down there on that
day that they ferget to collect tn
.ha iG n hot
is troubled with aphasia. But talkin
Nv takm' yer lunch brings me back to
a petrihed Lersimmon | PACED once. He
wuz tn Candy F'iend. That feller's brain
ought to be examined when he croaks.
an | bet they'd lind it wuZ turned into
gumdrop He wuz partial to them
even though he could a et any kind
that's built. When he wuz flush he'd
guzzle crystallized fruit an bum buns.
AN tn day before pay day he'd get
down to peanut brittle an loilipops
Every time he took me to a movie
he'd have crate NV tn stuff stashed
in his hip pocket. an all through tn
show he'd sneak EN- round tn other
petite fer a club sandwich after Then
when my teeth wuZ fairly sheddin'
tears fer fried oyster or a Welsh rare
bit he'd yank me to soda fountain
an pile in on marshmeller sundae
Well | got SOS | developed a perfec'
mania fer corned beef an cabbage
anythn' what wuzn't sweet An every
time Mad make a fiossy dessert I'd turn
up my nose at it an she'd gimme tn
worst jawin'.
An then one Sunday when We WIZ
out walkin' an he wuZ behavin' real
nic.4y thought, We runs up against a
old frien NV mine. One Nv there here
DANES what's always talkin' bout yer
'sociates-readin' yer horoscope by tn
look Nv tn NUT yer with. as il were
Well he had on brand new suit an
a tossy lid with a velvet band on IL
an | wuZ tickled to death to interduce
him. An | got through tn perrimin-
aries all right an she said her little
snitl: an there we wuZ waitin' fer him
tn shassay back-an all there wuz wuz
silence
his worries wuz all tangled up in the
coils Nv a all-d sucker (maybe they
caiird rm' jawbreakers In your dav5
Vel, yuh en- imagine tn disgrace NV
i, This dame trainin her eagle eve on
him an him tryin' TO pry tn gum arabic
nut Nv his face, Gee, ii wuz fierce hu-
miiiatin So I made up my mind 7
.nnIdn'f never trust him in perlite
s'ciety. an / give him u honorable dis.
charEer