New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-08-19
AS / WAS SAYING

what is that which it isl" cries dear AL
phonse, Pierre looks up amazed from his Jour
nal des Debats." Revolution"
Yes my gross rabbit of love- exclams Pierre
upsetting his biere blonde and astonishing the entire
sidewalk ut is revolution in American conjugal
life Madame Suffers devotion would be affecting
anywhere, but in New York II is sublime"
Alphonse snatches the paper. and reads aloud
Hitherto have thought the American husband
a mere money maker and check-signer, whose wife
rained dollars in Europe and was almost unable to
say what his profession We must now re-
nounce this prejudice"
Well we'll. How those foreigners do leap to con-
clusions-frst one way. then another-whereas what
do we Americans know about American life? Why
darn it, we can't even understand Smith next door
or Brown in the fiat above US or Jones around the
corner. devious is human nature! Yes, and so
various! Hanged if understand our own private
selves! AS for generalizing-oh, the folly!
Hence our sweet reasonabencss toward the Eu-
ropeans and reluctance to what sort OF chaps
they are. We suspend judgment-thus
The English-A humorless race. Nothing short OF
surgical operation get a joke through An
Establishments head Examples: Lewis Carroll. the
librettist Gilbert. and that poor. duwitted fellow
w W. Jacobs. to say nothing OF our prosy friend
the Earl Of Pawtucket.
The Fronch-Hopeessly frivolous and immoral
Witness Pascale-or. to take modern instance the
wild. constituencies, gay devil who sent us THE
Simple Life"
Italians-Lazy No other nation has such pas
sionate hatred Of activity Give them a pick and
shovel and n life II uninterrupted digging. and they
ask but little Of the world
The latest Of Brother Bok's compton fits has
been brought on by the college girls spelling No
wonder, BAD spelling hurts a girls matrimonial
prospects You know oliver Hcrfords question
thcre reproduced with dash to denote tho pause
for rhetorical oHectl: why do men marry-Lillian
RUSSELL" The answer is For a spell
However w trust our fellow citizens will over
look spelling and continue the wise practice ~
marrying college girls II Is the only safe course
Girls will be girls. and. sooner or later. SOW their
wild oats. Better sooner. Wretched the man who
marries a pnk-and-whe Pussy-cat only 10 have
her take 10 Ibsen. Browning Nietzsche Bergson,
Hauptmann, Bahssm and the Tndo-American Pub
fishing Societys Solar Biology later on.
American Board Of Commissioners for Foreign
Missions" said the King Of the Bongo Islands. die
tating to Miss insolvency. Dear Slrs The last
consignment OF missionaries YOU sent me were old,
tough and stringy. Unless the next load Is more
palatable shall he obliged TO order my mission
aries elsewhere"
other times. other customs. Few missionaries are
nj present frcasseed, though IL is risky being A
missionary even now. The Kurds shot last
week. Sorry though the commoton has brought
out remarks from the Rev. DR.. Barton. who has
been missionary himself. and in a region very
nervous because Of Kurds. Thereby hangs tale.
A peculiarly sarcastic Kurd dropped in one Sun
day while the Doctor was holding forth Knives
living arsenal staggered up the aisle.
The congregation quaked. No ono stirred With
a mighty Jingle the bandit sat down in front pew
Now. by Jimmy" said the Doctors inner con-
seriousness. its up to you. Convert him or die"
We suppose that the birthstone I'm that sermon
could be smeed a mile away. for II took less than
fifteen minutes to bring the Kurd to his knees
blubbering for mercy, and a fine. Jealous convert
he became-not only returned for the evening
vice but fetched along the ruins of an Armenian
hereto.
As II turned out. the ruins were already won over
to the Orthodox opinion. oh" said the poor fellow,
1T was most simple. When this Christian kicked
me in the stomach and knocked me down and
Jumped on me- began to believe but when he biz
me in the neck and hung on. shaking me like rat,
knew for certain that his must be the true re-
lgion."
The September bulletin from our patient on the
cover Of "McClure's" Is less favorable. The young
lady has slipped back though through no fault Of
ours We did not prescribe the drugs whose use
shows only too plainly in those dreary eyes. Nor
was It we who skewed her chin violently TO the
right.
This is worrisome. At glance. seem to dag
nose Potts disease Of the jaw. though possibly she
has merely suffered what is known I'm the argot Of
the atelers "a paste in the Cob
However she appears to possess considerable
latent vitality. Observing her rubyred lips (same
ink as her necktie). predict she Will pull through
yet H. l.. II.