Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1913-11-28
A DEPUTY
SHERIFF
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1913, by Associated Lit
erary Press.
By M. QUAD


town of Grand Ledge laughed out
right or was dumb with amazement.
The Widow Henderson was exactly
six feet four inches in height and
weighed 200 pounds Whether it was
six feet four in her stockings or with
her shoes on is none of the readers
business She was homely as a bur
dock and as rugged as an oak. She
had voice like a bass drum and the
strength of an OK.
You may have noticed that big men
always marry little women. and vice
versa. Her deceased husband was
only five feet tall and his weight was
just an even hundred When she
moved to Grand Ledge from distant
town she soon ran across Peter Hipps
and marked him down for husband No
q Peter was five feet tall and weigh
ed ninety eight pounds. His face was
smooth, and his voice was girlish.
The young man was by no means
dull witted, but he was made the vic
tim of much chatting and joking. The
climax came when the sheriff of the
county appointed him deputy. Grand
Ledge was a pretty hard town, and
there were a score of farmers around
who came in at least once a week and
made it worse. Peter Hips was
cipher to them. Whenever he tried to
exert his authority he was carried out
and dumped into mudhole or drop
ped off the bridge over the creek.
Sometimes he was chased out of town
and didn't dare return for two or three
days.
The Widow Henderson heard and
saw and knew, and one day when she
met the lightweight deputy on the
street she said:
Baby, you sure need a protector.
Shall we get married!'
"You bet"
And married they were next day, and
on the next the bride walked seven
miles to the county seat town and into
the sheriff's Office to say to that official:
II want to be deputy sheriff at
Grand Ledge"
"I'm looking for some one"
"Well, you needn't look any further.
If | can't straighten the kinks out
within a month I'll resign"
"Mebbe you know l appointed Pete
Hipps as a joker queried the officer.
Eyes, l do, and you can app'int me
the same way if you want to, but
there won't be much joking after get
started. I'll make it very solemn
h,,e;vooee fo,S most OP -
''WelI, l expect there'l be lots of
talk about it, but you shall be dep
uty."
The town considered that marriage
as the greatest joke for twenty years
! Every time it was mentioned a dozen
men hooted and took another drink
! They paraded in front of the brides
house and sang and swore and cat
called and scared poor Peter until he
crept under the bed and walled:
81 thought you was going to do
! something!"
mo hurry, baby" was the reply
."I'm giving the calf all the rope it
wants. 1t amt agin the law to boot
around when a couple gets married.
Next forenoon half a dozen horny
handed sons of toll came in to sell their
butter and eggs and have some fun
The fun was to consist of taking three
or four drinks apiece and then chuck
ing the newlyweds off the bridge to-
gether. Word was sent them that if
they did not appear voluntarily the
mob would pay the house a visit
"Well, baby, the time has conner
grimly announced the bride to the
groom.
Lord, but I'm scarf to DEATH" re-
piled Peter as his teeth began to
chatter.
Baby, femme tell you something.
There's going to be a row, and we
shall both be in it. You pin on your
badge, get your handouts and club
and we are going out to crack heads
II you don't fight like a man nine feet
high Ill take you over my knee and
spank you before the whole town
/ Come on now"
I Pete was all a-shiver, but he obeyed
her There were fifty men waiting in
front Of the postofic6, and of the num-
Der at least twenty were hilarious and
ripe for mischief.
''To the creek. To the creekg' was
shouted as the bride and groom halted
and faced them.
Now, baby said the wife in a quiet
voice. the fun is due to begin! Pick
out the hard cases and strike like the
| kick of a mule! It's a public spanking
if you show the white featherr'
With couple of warwhoops that
would have done credit to Comanche
chiefs, bride and groom sailed in The
toughs were taken unprepared The
clubs were welded without mercy, and
the rabble broke and fed with hardly
a defense. They were followed and
given more club, and then to the mum
Der of twelve were arrested, locked up
for couple of hours, and then taken
before the justice of the peace and
fined 81 each. The next day six men