The Holly chieftain., 1913-08-29

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HAT Is the wittiest re-
tort or the most hu-
| m0rous story you ever
VI heard?
| have been asking
N this question Of list
| OF public men more
or less noted as wits
ana humorists. Per
haps the idea may stimulate some lit.
erary hack to make much more COM
plete compilation. of American humor
and supply want long felt in these
days. when readers are being overfed
with the lurid, the morbid and the
tragic. The memory of practically ev-
cry member and ex-member of our
various legislative bodies, federal,
state and municipal, stores up some
samples of original repartee which
doubtless will be lost to posterity un-
less preserved In printers ink, says
John Elfreth Watkins in the Philadel-
phia Record.
In Washington the man who doubt
less has the greatest fund of stories
of brisk repartee in debate on the
door Of congress- is Speaker Champ
Clark. He recalls singing retorts
that have excited not only uproarious
laughter. but threats of personal en-.
counter.
The retort which he considers as
perhaps the most effective was made
by Senator James Hamilton Lewis
when member Of the house. Lewis
opponent had been the aggressor and
had been doing all of the vicious dig.
gtng. Lewis. as usual, was all suavity.
The speaker tells the story in this
way:
1T was one Of the finest bits OF
repartee ever heard in the house.
Lewis and Lemuel 7. Quigg OF New
York were having a cut-and-thrust de.
bate on the trusts, Lewis assailing
and Quigg defending.
| AT last Quigg made . particularly
vicious lunge at Lewis. to which the
latter, with the grace and politeness
Of Lord Chesterfield, replied:
/ Mr.. Speaker, | do net wonder that
the gentleman from New York de-
tends the trusts for 1t is written In a
very old book that:
"The ass knoweth his owner and
the OK his master's crib."'
THAT ended the debate very sud-
denly"
1 Speaker Clark gave me also the fol-
lowing sample of repartee. contributed
not as one of the wittiest retorts he
ever heard. but as that precipitating
about the most ridiculous situation he
ever witnessed in legislative body:
Toward the end of his term as
speaker of the Missouri house of rep
resentatives Judge J. e. Alexander,
now a member Of the national house
of representatives, was solicited for
recognition by large number of mem
bers standing in the aisle in front of
the speakers desk. At last the Hon.
James T. Moon, very brilliant mem
ber from Laclede county. yelled out:
"'Mr Speaker, want to know II
| you recognize me?' sN
Speaker Alexander. a very grave
and dignifed gentleman, responded:
"It does seem to me that ! have
seen that ugly mug somewhere be-
fore."
The immortal wit OF the late Sena-
| tor Jonathan Dolliver Is considered
| by Senator LaFollette to be produc-
tive of the very best repartee heard
4 on the floor Of the senate.
1.-THE quickest flash OF wit that re-
CALL" said he, came after Senator
Warren of Wyoming had delivered a
speech in behalf OF protection. All
members of the senate knew that Sen.
ator Warren owned sheep ranches in
his native state and his earnest ap.
peal had already tickled the fancy of
the listeners.
Senator Dolliver followed him and
had begun discussion of the tariff
changes when Senator Warren, anx-
ious to join in the sentiment. re-
marked:
81 quite agree with the senator on
that point. Like himself. am an
agriculturist and
you remarked Doliiver, simply
are the greatest shepherd since Abra.
ham,.
Even senatorial dignity could not
Withstand this"
| Representative Fitzgerald OF New
York, chairman of the appropriations
committee of the house. said that one
of the most effective shafts of repar-
tee which he ever heard was hurled
some years ago by a southerner,
whose name he does not now recall
"a hot debate was on" said Mr..
Fitzgerald. "and member of the Re.
n,,hIicon marty he~nn Nv, ,...;y,.