Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-01-05

conflict with the boiled, broed stewed,
mains of all the known specimens of the faunal and
floral Kingdoms you have the two military brgades,
the accommodating and the ravenous The accommo-
dating the speakers the singers and other ceebr
ties set like diamonds above the lesser gems the gal
ery of easting freemen. Then there the ravenous,
wfo having taken the precauton to eat early lunches.
show up with appettes that would do credit to gr1z
ely bear.
A T every dinner the speakers the lions. The
POSTMASTER, appearing with many W1ttlclsns IN
the back of his head, from which penumbral shadows
he seldom "reminiscences the pose of the hon
trainer who leads the victims to their performances as
they set down on the program This may be new
thought but it is offered for what it Is worth: Very few
good after-dnner speakers Probably the best
in the country Wayne MacVeagh (brother of the
Secretary of the treasury former Senator Chauncey
of Ohio, Major Holmes Conrad of Virginia, former
Representative J. Adam Bede of Minnesota and Joseph
G. Cannon.
far too many long wnded gentlemen who rise at their
places and burst forth into long and dismal discourse
The aptest speech ever heard at banquet came
function four five Senators, Representatives, and
famous lawyers had unwound several miles of profound
ideas dusty subjects including the Constitution the
Supreme Court and vvisecton. 1t will be noticed at
this uncture that subjects chosen by afterdnner
speakers do exactly facilitate digestion Finally
Conrad called on Advancing from the rear OF the
hall its center, he delivered himself of the following
speech with all the dignity of Rhadamanthus:
"Mr POSTMASTER it to that all the speeches
that have been made here this evening have been hope
lesslv dull and dreary | heard such outlay
of f1nerea profundty in my life Mr. POSTMASTER,
wish everybody goodnight
There many times when as you listen to the
speeches, you regard banquetng vice.
One of the laughable things that ever happened
in Washington at banquet that the President
to attend with the understanding that he should
in late in the evening. speaker with fine appear
and flow of words that made the Niagara River
sound like whispering brook began his speech with
with pig being caught under fence in Rhode Island,
wandered through many other trials and fluctuations,
domestic and foreign, and concluded with the declara
ton of against Great Britain by this country in
1872 AS to length and multiplicity of detail it the
most remarkable story that ever dragged across
coffeecups. lust the speaker to the closing
sentence of the story the President arrived and
greeted with storm of applause.
But this interruption did not daunt the speaker.
"As was saving Mr.. President he began and with
a monumental disregard for the feelings of three hum
dred overed men, he waded right and told that story
all again
And the Presidents was the only hearty laugh he
got!
THERE are among the prominent in the
tional capital who make it a rule never to
accept invitation to banquet A long time ago
there idea suspicion innate feeling on the
part of that he had to be acquainted with
before he could invite him to dinner accept his in
vtaton to dine That vestge of false pride that pale
and utterng remnant of mOdeSty. that CumbrOuS part
of antique and useless courtesy has been demolished
1t is not question of whether you know him. 1t
is merely consideration of whether you want him to be
with you. Somewhere in the dark ages of long ago
conyu,