The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-03-02
Some Yarns Of the Courthouse Gang

beads that causes great jew flicllers to
hang from your parched and drouthy
lips? o, it's out of sight! It's the demo-
Ncratic landslide in the way of a joy pro-
ducing liquid. Amble her up here; you
rural plutocrats from the back districts
ana take good look at this magic
rejuvenator. 1t is absolutely the greatest
muscle producer, mind restorer, hustle
maker, debt removing, beauty restoring.
life giving, care destroying, self acting,
self righteousness remedy this old rolling
globe has ever seed. If Cleopatra had
have had few snfters of this cordial
she could have taken one swallow of
this elixir he wouldn't be dead now, but
my fellow citizens he would be alive and
Kicking, arguing like a thousand of brick.
with Col. Sam VIII John on the yeXa-
tious Mexican situation
What makes these here stage women
These here so-called actresses with spider
web legs, and voices like cat fight, live
always? Why don't they crafty us by
deceasing at pleasant intervals and let
the country sleep? Why don't a gray
mule and a book agent die occasionally?
Asst yourselves these few questions Sc
rously, my fellow citizens. 1t Is be-
cause they are habitual users of this
great moral tonic in this here bottle. L
had a old granddaddy once, and this in
firm patriarch was attacked by about
one catter. Included in this list was
a little touch of yal1er janders, blind
staggers, infiuenzy, blasphemy, epizootic,
cornucopia, moros multicaulis and liver
complaint. Also he had a mortgage on
the farm, two lightning rod agents try
ing to rod his house, lost his registra-
ton ticket. got bit by bull pup, was
turned out of the church for cussin, all
in one week On Friday of that same
week at p. m. he pawned his waterbury,
for a bottle of this all healing BARN
OF gilyid and after surrounding about
a gill of it. he licked both the rod
agents, poisoned the purp. Joined the
church, fresh, with first honors, proved
he didn't sign the mortgage, danced all
night at a breakdown and married a
widow three times before the polls closed
Rush up, gents, and buy this boon to
suffering humanity. 1t will cure that
tired feeling that was birthday present
to some of you. Hand out your spondulx
and let me rejoice to behold relieved and
thankful humanity with it's eyes bulgin'
out with gratitude
Would you believe it? That crowd
actually surged up and bought that stuff
fast as old whlskers could take the
money. greatly to the astonishment of
the gentelmany agent of Doctor Killem' 5
Wahoo Bitters,' who had badgered the
old jay into attempting to sci his medi-
cine Dy betting MN $40 that he couldn I
spell we'll enough to induce one person
to purchase bottle. Which makes me
say observed the red headed insurance
agent, that oratory is gift and 1t
moves people and makes them do things,
whether the speaker is an uncouth OF
otherwise. You can't always tell what
thoughts are inside of man by looking
at his clothes and whiskers. An orator is
just obliged to gild refined gold and paint
the llllV- he tn n ot
it amt oratory. An orator just can't be
matter of fact and literal; neither can
salesman or an insurance agent Bill
simmons kept a little grocery store in
my town and he never could sell anybody
anything in his store. because he was too
truthful and literal. One day customer
came in. looked around, and asked Bill.
What have you in the shape of or
angesg 'Baseballs.' answered BILL