The herald., 1913-08-21
The Elimination of
Arizona Joe
B, EDW ARD SWIFT

Is WV AZ " S'''
was then called the far weSt-there is
no far west now which half century
ago was a low down" settlement For
q time there was gun law only; then
Judge Lynch stepped in aud Improved
things somewhat. Shooting WAS re
duced to a few. These few killed one
another or were killed by some one
else, except Arizona Joe. who came
from the worst territory on the cont
nent OF America. Joe was left like
noxious weed in garden and had be
come altogether undesirable.
Perhaps deep rooted stump in
clearing would be a better smile, for
weed is easily dug up, while "A stump
clings tightly 10 the soil NJ any rate,
TO get rid OF Joe. though necessary 10
the further development of Arlington,
was hard proposition. Indeed, 1t was
the consensus of opinion thar he might
be allowed to remain since all OF his
kind except himself having been killed
there would be- no further food for his
powder But Joe took il upon himSeif
to shoot strangers who came 10 town.
and this was not only immoral. but in
terfered with the mercantile prosperity
of it's citizens.
Prominent men of the town held n
meeting and agreed each to pull NUN
Der from a hat-uue. two three, etc
he drawing one 10 try to kill Joe ana.
if he failed. to be followed by the rest
In order Of number till a dozen had
been killed or Joe got rid OF. But
their wives objected and convened for
the purpose OF taking the matter into
their own hands Mrs. Dowiy arose
and said:
Ladies'. you all know that there's
only one way for woman to get the
bulge on man-that's to marry him.
I'll engage TO hire woman who Will
tame Arizona Joe. She came TO these
parts ten years ago-from jail, reck
on-and has had seven husbands in
the meantime. The first got drowned
while they was croSSin' a bridge to
gether disputin' over a counterfeit bill
When she got tired of the second she
set vigilance committee on him, and
he dangled at the limb OF tree. The
third she shot in the back while be
was windin' the clock. The fourth
Never mind any more of these in
terestlng fac's." interrupted one of the
ladies'. How much money would be
reQuiredT'
81 reckon 5000 would be ample com
pensation. Mrs. Nendig-that's her
last name-could be got for that, and |
propose to work 1t by maxim match
between her and Joe. If we can do II
we'll have no more trouble with him,
| assure you"
What makes you think he'll marry
herr"
a winnin' way with her. You know
how it is yourself. 4 woman can soft
solder a man mighty fine till she's
married to him and give him the lash
after the ceremony has been per
formed"
The money was raised and Mrs. Ven
digs services engaged. She came to
town, met Joe on the street smiled at
him Delilah like. and be fell into the
trap The secret was known TO every
body In town except the victim. Three
| days after the meeting Mrs. VendiS
became Mrs. Joe-no other name was
required by the simple marriage cere-
mony used which was a Scotch mu
! tual pledge without witnesses-and the
two set up housekeeping In the cabin
Joe had previously occupied alone.
During the evening of the nuptials
sounds were heard to emanate from
| their cabin denoting family jar The
.neighbors came to their doors or put
their heads out OF the windows tC
watch for what might happen The
| sounds grew louder and fercer anC
| deeper and shriller, and presently the
door was opened, body was thrown
out and the door slammed to and bolt
ed. Mrs Joe had been elected.
She had been a trifie stunned by bel
fall, but got up and, going to the door
began to hammer on 1t, scolding, yell
| ing, shrieking. Joe was obliged to lis
ten to epithet after epithet spoken In
| tone that would make the blood of the
stoutest man curdle and accompanied
| by vigorous kicks on the door. The
peace Of the town was disturbed, bu
! the citizens didn't mind il bit so Ions
as the object was accomplished.
Midnight came and there was NJ
dlminution to the bowlings. the kick
ings, the epithets. The citizens living
near got tired of 1t and went of Il
other parts of the town to sleep. DawI
appeared, but there was no cessation
of the noise. The sun rose and a SOUND
as Of battering came against a door
| awakening those living at the othe
end Of the town. A man living oppo
site the home OF the newly welded
couple put his head out Of his window
and saw Mrs. Joe trying to battel
| down the door Then he heard mans
voice from within cry ont:
go away and I'll come out YoI
can have the outfit"
What followed was spoken In a low
er tone. and the man opposite did no
hear. The bride went to the back o.
the house. the door opened. and Arizo
ma Joe appeared. He walked rapid!
down the street and was never seeI
in Arlington again. After the operate
had been paid Off and dismissed Mrs