The Topeka state journal., 1913-06-25
BY THE WAY
BY HARVEY PARSONS.

Every time I hear one of the reck-
less assertions founded on modern
slang, says Hondo Murphy, 'ie re-
ninos me of that favorite su2erlative
I thought I'd die!' Well do 1 remem-
per the night, during that period,
Wnen tried to connect with friend
Morpheus in summer home at Cape
anne, Mass. The waves were pound
ing the tar out of the Rocks of Nor
mans Woe, two miles away, but that
o1dnt bother me. 1t was when the
Kitchen maid drew nigh with her beau
VINO was fishmonger with a copper
plated voice, that my nerves were en-
dangered. They had unloaded from
the last Glo's'ter car; the hash-hustler
was 10th to enter the room above the
Kltchen, so they stood on the driveway
peioW my window and discussed the
salient features of the Glo's'ter dance.
They spoke in low tones-except at
the end of each paragraph, when it
came TO me In a squawky treble: 'Aw,
I fought Ah'd dieI' Came then a deep
rumble of nasal bass, followed by the
distinct assertion: An, 1 fought be-
jeez ah'd cr-r-roak!'
Naturally, I hoped to sleep and
awake to discover that both of them
a dozen and a half years later, I hear
someone observe that he or she
should worry, and being optimistic
and firm believer in the theory that
right shall prevail, 1 make a mind bet
that the user of that fool phrase will
get his, hers or it's"
When a travelling man pipes
headline concerning a lower birth
rate he reads the whole article in
the hope that the headline is a typo
graphical error.
In addition to the regular equip
ment of the snare drummer, every
low
should be equipped with a dynamite
gun to squelch the hurdy-gurdy at
the skating rink. Steamboat Bill"
three notes off tune on a wheezy
wind-organ, does not blend perfectly
with 'Sextette from Lucia by a high
class 52-piece band.
No man wants to pay his respects
to a family friend in the same kind
of payments he uses in paying for the
parlor rug,-a little bit down, and a
little bit more every few days all the
rest of his life.
80 long as the new tariff whirls
Supp, "I refuse to toss fits or hand
springs. At my house, the spiders
raise full crops of grandchildren in the
sugar bowl I do not eat, sell or raise
sugar, SO why should 1 view with
alarm? You may think my attitude
selfish, but I am not a politician, and
1 don't have to lie about it,
Bolmar says: when people have a
duck fit, it is all right to call in a
quack DOCTOR"
WANTED: A full set of perfectly
good slums. Topeka has plenty of
amateur reformers, but no slums or
red light districts to reform. Reform
ing is one of our favorite fads, but If
something doesn't turn up pretty
soon, we will have to leave home and
reform Leavenworth.
Comes now the time of year when
the girl who is. subpect to freckles
discovers that Strong Sunlight is In
furious to her Eyes.
The Mississippi supreme court has
held that a razor worn by 'colored
gentleman is not a dangerous weapon.
The court considers it IAN implement
of the toilet" But before passing on
the case, the court should have taken
the expert testimony of a first-chair
barber. The average colored gentle
man owns two razors-one "an imple-
ment of the toilet" and the other a
tool for social purposes