The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-05-09
OLD PAP PINKHAM.
He Has Another Frank Talk With the
New President.

| am not laying 1t up again you. on
must indeed be busy man. 1t must
take hours of your time just to talk
over things with Mr.. Bryan.
About my postmastership here in
Jericho: My friends keep telling me
not to worry, but I do worry. 1 can't
help it.
There are about a hundred thousand
other postmasters worrying with me-
You may not understand that there
is something about holding a postmas-
tership that wrenches ones feelings
like Sam Hill to have to part from his
Job.
went to bed the other night feeling
that you would certainly reappoint me
oath of office. At the end of two
hours 1 awoke shivering and shaking
like half-drowned dog. 1 had
| dreamed that I got the bounce.
| I cannot too strongly hold the fact
up to your eyes that I am Demo-
crat-one of the wheel-horses of the
party in Jericho. In fact, I am the
boss of the party. In fact, again, I
| barrel.
was a Republican, Of course, when
appointed by Mr.. Taft. 1 kept right
along being one till about two min
| utes before the polls closed on election
day. Then there suddenly came over
me a great revulsion of feeling. Stand
ing out like a knot on a log was the
fact that the G. o. P. had raised the
1
can, and otherwise sought to break
down the bulwarks of Liberty, and
| coatless and hatless, I rushed to the
polls and put in a vote for you.
| 1 have some enemies, Mr.. Pc, as
| also have you and other great men,
| and those enemies are saying that I
got a telegram from New York city
to the effect that Mr.. Taft was in the
soup and that I Topped over to save
my bacon.
Pay no attention to such roorbacks.
| flopped because party that will
run the price of beans up four cents a
| can in one year will not hesitate to
| advance the price Of gingerbread be-
yond the means of even the plumber.
| (You note that do not say pork and
| beans 1t is because after 80 years
| of the closest search I have been I'M
able to find the smallest lump of it in
| any CAM
You were elected. I yelled for you
! Lord, how I did Yell
may have yelled for my postmas-
| tership at the same time, but 1 am
sure you don't blame me.
You will naturally wish to know
what sort of a postmaster I am. I
rent the highest priced pew in the
leading church here.
Is there another postmaster in the
state parting with the scads to throw
the mantle of high morality over his
postoffice?
L trust for postage stamps, and
make up the loss out of my own
pocket. Can you point to another
postmaster in the whole United States
that does the same?
keep hard cider on tap for all who
buy stamps. Show me another post
master that is holding out like en-
enlargement.
give literally to the African
heather, where other postmasters
boldly say that they can go to the
devil and be hanged to them.
I speak words of cheer and encour-
q 70 Loo
and if any mans cow has a sore back
it is Old Pap that prepares the free
dope to cure her.
[ leave Mrs. Pinkham to run the
postoffice while I attend and act as
pall-bearer at every funeral for miles
around.
have four rocking chairs in the
corridor of the postoffice, that aged
people may sit down while buying
their stamps. am known far and
wide as the Thoughtful Postmaster.
have built at my expense an alcove
where farmers and others can sit and
play poker while the mails are being
distributed. Is it any wonder that I
am beloved by all?
Once a month 1 expedite the mail
service by licking Hiram Troop, who
carries the mail between this town
and Dobb's Ferry. He puts up a live
ly scrap for an old man, and keeps my
nose skinned most of the time, but I
make him hustle along wit hthe bags
have this advantage over any 9TH
err postmaster in the U. 81 have
Mrs. Pinkham with me. She can
diagnose any case presented her, and
she does it free of cost to all custom
ers. 1t was she that told me to make
the sudden flop from the G. o. P. She
said it had heart trouble, and was
liable to crumple up at any time.
Instead of going a-fiShing on Sun
day, I keep the postoffice open all day.
and if 1 am playing poker and hold
ever so good hand, I drop it at once
if anybody comes in and asks for a
postal card. Never shall L neglect the
business of a great and glorious Ma
ton that may win or 20 cents for
myself.
And now, Mr.. Pc, want to put you
on your guard against certain persons
in Jericho who would like to be post
master in my place. In so doing I am
actuated by the same motives as
guided my grandfather when he laid
down his life at Bunker Hill.
There is Moses Swartout He is a |
Democrat, to be sure, but only week |
before the election he said to me over |
the counter of my grocery that your |
picture in the papers reminded him of |
a dill pickle. If that isn't treason then |
I don't know what is.
There is Moses Tonpkins He is also |
a Democrat, but while buying a 2-cent |
stamp of me the day before election he
said in the presence of witnesses that |
you couldn't run the second ward of /
Jericho, saying nothing Of North Amer
lea. He has undergone a change Of |
heart. I hear and wants my job, but
beware of him.
Then there is Philetus Goodheart. His
name might lead one to think there
was no guile in him, but wait. At the
last Thursday evening prayer meeting |
before election, he boldly said in a
prayer:
And also drive out the devils that |
are seeking the destruction of the young
and innocent and of our sacred in
They chew tobacco. They |
drink rum. They profane. They rob |