davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-04-12
On the Spur Of
the Moment
BY ROY MouLToN.
written Exclusively for evening star.

FROM THE HJCKEYNILLE CLARION.
The members of Hank Tunnas
lodge Clipped in and bought him 3
handsome watchfob and now he has
got to go and buy q watch to hans
it on. There are times when every
Teller prays to be saved from his fool
friends.
90
Anse Frisby placed an order for a
new oatmobile down in the city the
other day and the salesman said
Your new car will have splendid
finish" Anse said: I'm glad of It.
The last one I had had a fierce finish.
It tried to butt street car off the
track
90
Elihu Simms says there amt any
thing in this world like a good old
corncob pipe and 1 guess, by gravy,
he's right. At least there amt any
thing in the world that smells like
it.
! "A monograph with rubber ear
tubes had just been Installed in a
music house in Hickeyville and the
first customer to drop niclle in the
| slot to enjoy the music was a farm
err The clerk handed him the ear
| tubes. placed them in the proper posi-
| ton in the old mans ears and started
the machine. The old man instantly
dropped the tubes and started for
| the door on the run, crying: "Thun-
der and lightning, hold on q minute.
there's a brass band coming down
the street and there amt nobody
! holding my team"
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-04-12
BEST JOKES OF THE DAY
A Quartet of Signs.

strictly laid fresh eggs"
pure ladies' silk stockings.
"a large ladies' lounging and tea-
room"
"Found-a beautiful baby's silk
lined wrap. "--Boston Transcript.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-04-12
HOROSCOPE.

The stars incline, but do not COM
pei
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-04-12
A2 AhrI-l hOrl11

TITS NOT HEALTt{Y TO
KISS p GIPL II KER fKThER
HAPPENS TO By LOOKING.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-04-12

Monday Mr. Edwards will tell of
the experience of a postmaster.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30

happens. Get up and lead the way,
quick, and show me in what part Of
this Internal boat you are hiding
Agatha Redmond"
Chatelard started toward the hatch
way, followed sharply by Jim's revol-
yer, but at the foot of the ladder he
turned his contemptuous, sneering
face toward Jim, with the remark:
Your words are the words of fool,
you pig of an American! There is no
lady aboard this yacht, and l never
SO much as heard of your Agatha Red
mond. Otherwise. be pleased to. play
Mercury to your Venus.
To Jim's ears, every syllable the
Frenchman spoke was an insult, and
words rekindled the fire in his blood.
you shall pay for that speech here
and now!" he yelled; and, discarding
his revolver, he dealt the Frenchman
a short-arm blow. Chatelard, trying
to dodge, tripped over the base of the
ladder and went down heavily on the
floor of the focas'le. He had appar-
emily lost consciousness.
AS Jim saw mis- victim stretched on
the floor, he turned away with loath-
ing. He picked up his revolver and
went up the ladder. It was already
| dark, and confusion reigned on deck.
But through the clamor, jim made out
something near the truth; the Jeanne
dare was leaking badly, and no time
was to be lost if she. with her pas
sengers and crew, were to be saved.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
CHAPTER vi.
o. Roard the Jeanne D,Arc.

On 6OdEu JGdHUC - FNTC.
If hard usage and obstacles could
cure a knight-errant of his sentiment,
then Jimmy Hambleton had been free
OF his passion for the Face. His
plunge overheard had been followed
by a joyous swim, lusty cal to the
yacht for Help" and growing
amazement when he realized that it
was the yachts intention to pass him
by. He had SWIM yaliantly, deter
mined to get picked up by that par
ticuiar craft. when suddenly his
strength failed. He remembered
thinking that it was all up with him,
and then he lost consciousness.
When he awoke he was on a hard
bunk in a dim place, and sailor was
jerking him about. His throat burned
with n fiery liquid. Then he felt the
plunging and rising of the boat, and
came to life sufficiently to utter the
sterootyped words, where am II"
In Jim's case the question did not
imply the confused cropping back to
sense that it usually indicates, but
rather an actual desire to know
Wu66uGI OI nOJ was OA GJdIQ IuS
Jeanne Dare Plainly his wits had
not been badly shattered by his ex-
perience overheard. But the sailor
who was attending him with such min
istrations as he understood, answered
him with a sample of French which
Jim had never met with in his school
books, and he was not enlightened for
some hours.
1t was indeed the Jeanne Dare,
as Jim proved for himself the
next day, and he was lying in the
seamen's quarters in the fo'casIe BY
morning he felt much better, hungry,
and prepared in his mind for striking
a bargain with one of the sailors for
clothes He could make out their
lingo soon. he guessed, and then he
would get a suit of clothes and fare
on deck. Suddenly he grasped his
waist. struck with an unpleasant
thought; his money-belt was gone! He
was wearing a sailors blue flannel
shirt and nothing else. He turned over
on his hard bunk. thinking that he
would have to wait a while before
making his entrance on the public
stage of the Jeanne Dare.
And wait he did. Not rag of
clothing was in sight. and no cajolery
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
Story of One Woman's Suffering That
Surely Should Stir Them to i'm
mediate Action.

Inventors are requested by suffer
ing telephone patrons to exercise their
ingenuity on a telephone booth slid
ing door that will really slide. Head
ing the petition is the name of
woman who had curious experience
in drug store booth.
There are two booths in that store
side by side" she said. THEY are
about as big as match boxes and are
open at the top, so when there is a
lulI in street noises the conversation
in each can be heard in the other
One day, when listening to long and
interesting communication from the
friend 1 had called up, heard man
in the adjoining box ask for the num-
Der of our own telephone uptown.
presently he said, Cant you get
them, central?'
"Of course central couldn't get US.
fer / learned afterward that not even
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
Proper GymnastIe Work.

Every person who has received gym
nasium training is aware of the fact
that an exercise which calls for pain
full effort on the part of the beginner
is often performed almost without any
conscious effort at all after GER
tain amount of training has been re-
ceived. Again, it is perfectly well
known that brute strength alone does
not make a gymnast, and that even a
simple exercise may offer great diff
ficulty to a muscular and well develop
ed individual who has not been train.
ed in the gymnasium. The explanation
for this is made plain in an article nv
Professor du Bots Raymond in Die
Unschau, who points out that one of
the essential functions of gymnasium
work is not so much to build I'D INNS.
Gle as to train nerves and nerve groups
to work in proper unison and co-or-
dination.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
The BANKS
Of CANADA

The closing OF the year 1912 has
brought out the usual bank statements
accompanied by the addresses of the
Presidents and General Managers of
these institutions. Their reading is
interesting as they show in a striking
manner the prosperity of the country,
and deal with economic matters in
first hand way. Those who know any
thing Of Canadian banking methods
know the stability of these institu-
lions, and the high character of the
men who are placed in charge. In
discussing the land situation the Pres,
ident of the Union Bank of Canada,
whose branches are to be found in all
parts of the Canadian West, said
"A good deal has been said about
speculation in land. The increase in
land values has added enormously to
the assets of Western business, and
has to some extent formed basis for
extended credit, but this is not felt to
be drawback when the value is real
and convertible. We consider that
business standing which is strength
ened and enhanced by property hold
ings is entitled to a reasonable en-
largement of credit for legitimate bust
ness operations"
It will thus be seen that the banks
recognize the certain rise in the value
of farm lands in Western Canada.
When the facts are known of the Won
derful producing qualities of farm
lands in the Provinces of Manitoba,
Saskatchewan and Alberta, it is sim
pie to understand the liberal stand
taken BY the banks.
Living not far from Lashburn, Sask,
is a farmer named Clarke who in 1912
secured a crop of Marquis Wheat,
yielding 76 bushels per acre. This
is spoken of as a record yield, and this
is doubtless true, but several cases
have been brought to notice where
yields almost as large have been pro-
duced, and in different parts of the
country. During the past year there
have been reported many yields of
from 35 to As bushels of wheat to the
acre. Oats, too, were a success
full crop, and so was the barley
crop. Wheat that would yield 40
bushels per acre, would bring on the
market zoe Ga fair figure) per bushel,
a gross return of $500 per acre. AL
low $1,000 per acre Can outside figure)
there would be balance of $1,000 per
acre net profit. This figure should
satisfy anyone having land that cost
less than $4,000 per acre. Very much
less return than this proves satisfac-
tory to those holding lands in Iowa
and Illinois worth from $3.50 to $500
per acre.
The latest Government returns give
an approximate estimate of four hum
dred thousand of an immigration to
Canada during 1912. OF this number
100000 will be from the United States
Most of these are of the farming class
and it is not difficult to understand
why farming lands in Canada will adj
vance from ten to twenty per cent.
within the next twelve months. There
fore investment in Western Canadian
lands is not looked upon as being in
the speculative class. Those fortunate
! enough to secure free homesteads IN
Canada will acquire in the intrinsic
value Of the land alone the best pos
sible start for a splendid future. Ad-
vertisement.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
He Ran Afoul Of the Law

the running pair came in sight of
one of Mr.. Waldo's policemen on peg
post it was the burglar who clasped
the astonished officer about the
knees. Help" said the burglar. i'm
pressively, "a nutty guys chasin'
me-"
There was no help for It. The of
ficer took the burglar and Mr.. Smith
to the station house. There the
burglar was searched, but nothing in
eliminating was found Early the
next morning a lawyer appeared for
the burglar, and when he was, ar
raigned in court he was discharged
because Smiths Identification was
necessarily imperfect Smith was
sure of his man-but the lawyer
rather shook his certainty. In the
meantime no lawyer appeared for
Smith. He spent the night in the
cell. Oh, sure, he was placed under
arrest for carrying a revolver with
out a license. The magistrate bound
him over on $1,000 to appear before
the grand jury.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
.LIFE'S STRUGGLE
With ILLNESS
Mrs. Stewart Tells How She
Suffered from 16to45 years
old-How Finally Cured.

Euphelnia, Ohio" Because of total
ignorance of how to care for myself
when verging into womanhood, and from
taking cold when going to school, suf-
Tered from q displacement, end each
month / had severe pains and nausea
which always meant lay-off from wori.
for two to four days from the time
was 10 years old.
Invent to Kansas to live with my sis
ter and while there doctor told me Of
the Pinkham remedies but did not use
them then as my faith in patent medi-
cines was limited. After my sister died
] came home to Ohio to live and that
has been my home for the last Is years.
"The Change of Life came when was
AZ years old and about this time / saw
my physical condition plainly described
in one of your advertisements. Then
began using Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound and | cannot tell you
or any one the relief it gave me in the
first three months. 1t put me right
where l need not lay off every month
and during the last Is years l have not
paid out two dollars to a doctor, and have
been blest with excellent health forawo-
woman of my age and can thank Lydia
Z. Pinkham'sVegetable Compounds orit-
"Since the Change of Life is over I
have been maternity nurse and being
wholly self-supporting cannot over
estimate the value of good health.
have now earned a comfortable little
home just by sewing and nursing since
I was So years old. / have recommended
the Compound to many with good re-
suits, as it is excellent to take before
and after childbirth. Miss EVELYN
ADELIA STEWART, Euphemia, Ohio.
If you want special advice write to
Lydia L. Pinkham Medicine Co. (cOnfl-
dentiaD Lynn, Mass. Your letter Will
be opened, read and answered by q
woman and held in strict confidence.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
Shnnninn Instinct

A rural postmaster tells this story
Of one of the patrons of his office,
boy of thrifty, not to say penurious.
stock When the lad comes into the
postoffice he will thrust his wizened
face up close to the window and, in
his slow, Yankee drawl, inquire most
earnestly:
''Hev we got ony postal cards?"
EYES," the postmaster replies.
"Haow much be they t'day?"
"a cent apiece"
Then the boy, screwing up his eyes
in the intensity of his thought over
the question he has to decide, always
stops for a while to weigh the con-
sequences. Finally, he will reply sol.
emily:
oval, I'll take one."-Youth's Com
panion.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
New Yorker Who Pursued q Burglar
Had to Spend Night in
a Cell.

This is a funny little town of ours,
the Cincinnati Times-Star's New York
correspondent writes. Things happen
here that couldn't possibly happen
anywhere else. The other night, for
example, man whose name may be
set down as Jim Smith was awakened
by tinkling noise in the front room.
Mr.. Smith rose, pulled on the conven-
tional pants, took his six-shooter and
went stalking a burglar. He found
that individual packing up the silver,
Throw up your hands," said Smith.
A frightened gasp was the reply.
The burglar shut off his pocket cleo
trio lamp and leaped on the fire es-
cape. So did Mr. Smith, The pair
reached the street safely and tore
down that thoroughfare On the way
the burglar presumably threw away
Us electric lamp and whatever other
ms of his trade he possessed. When
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
Appeal to All Inventors

the maid was home, so he rang of
and left the booth
Il was most anxious to detain him
and learn his message. | insulted my
friend for life by saying, I can't lis
ten to any more now, but / might
just as well have let her finish, for
couldn get out of that booth.
pulled and tugged at the door, but it
wouldn't bulge. Finally a drug clerk
let me out, but the man had cot away
by that time, and don't know to this
day who he was or what he wanted
to tell us. Imagine having to go
through life with a mystery like that
unsolyed. The telephone company
cannot equip their booths with NOV
able doors any too soon, think"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
CHAPTER v.-continued.

CHAP EH Vs-COntlnuSO.
81 shall not do this again, Melanie
dear, till you give me leave. But
have no mind to let you go, either.
You and Madame Reynier are going
IN a cruise with me; will you? Get
your maid to pack your grip. 1t will
be better for you than the profession
al advice which you came to New
York for" Aleck stopped suddenly,
his practical sense coming to the sur
face. "Heavensl You haven't had
any lunch, and it's all times OF the
day!" He rang the bell, begged the
maid to fetch bread and butter and
tea and to ask Madame Reynier to
come to the drawing-room. When she
appeared, he met her with a grave,
but In no wise a cowed, spirit.
Madame Reynier, your niece re-
fuses, for the present, to consider her
self engaged to me; ], however, am
uneuuivccally betrothed to her. And
l shall be endlessIy grateful if you
and Miss Reynier will be my guests
on the Sea Gull for as long time as
you find it diverting. We shall cruise
along the coast and put into harbOr at
night, if it seems best: and I'll try to
make you comfortable. Will you
come"
Madame Reynier was willing If Me
LAME was; and Melanie had no
strength, if she had the will, to com
bat Alexis masterful ways. 1t was
soon settled. Aleck swung off down
the street, re-reading Jim's letter, in.
tent only on the Sea Gull and the
preparations for his guests. But at
the back of his mind he was think
ing, "Poor girl! She needs me more
than I thought"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
The Smile.

The girl who smiles too much makes
as great a mistake as she who smiles
too little, for though she may be only
actuated by an honest desire to
please, she lays herself open to the
charge of insincerity. A smile can
transform a plain face into loneliness,
but it only does this when it is the
outcome of some special emotion, and
not mere aimless parting of the lips
Smiling to order" or on any and
every occasion, issfatal to charm. and
should be carefully avoided.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
SYNOPSIS.

Agatha Redmond, opera singer, starting
stranger sent as her chauffeur Leaving
the car. she goes into the park to read
the will OF an old friend Of her mother
who has left her property. There she is
accosted by a stranger, who follows her
to the auto, climbs in and chloroforms
her. James Hambleton Of Lynn, Mass,
mond Hambleton sees Agatha forcibly
taken aboard yacht. He secures a tug
ard when near the yacht drops over
board, Aleck Van Camp, friend Of Ham
bleton. had an appointment with him. Not
meeting Hambleton, he makes a call upon
friends, Madame and Miss Melanie Rey-
nier. He proposes to the latter and Is re-
fused. Melanie explains that she Is OF
nigh birth in a German principality, from
which she had fled to escape an unwlShed
marriage
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
CHAPTER VII.
The Rope Ladder.

The near prospect of a conclusive
struggle for life is a sharp tonic to
the adventurous soul. The actual
final summons to that other room is
met variously. There is earthly dig
nifty, who answers even this last tap
at the door with a fitting and quotable
rejoinder; there is deathbed repen-
lance, whose JUNCTION in momento NOR
tbs is doubtless a comfort to pious rel
atives; and there are chivalry and va
lor, twin youths who go to the UNI
known banquet singing and bearing
their garlands of joy.
But with the chance of fight for
life, there is a sharp-sweet tang that
sends some spirits galloping to the
contest. "Dauntless the slughOrn to
his lips be set" making ready for the
last good run.
When Jim descended the hatchway
after accommodating on deck, Chate-
lard was gone The ships cook was
rUmmaging in a sailors kit that he
had drawn from a locker. Jim men.
tally considered the situation. The
seamen had no doubt exaggerated the
calamity, but without question there
was serious trouble. Were the pumps
working? How far were they from
shore? If hopelessly distant from
shore, were they in the course Of
passing steamers? Would any one
look after Miss Redmond's safety?
Monsieur Chatelard had said that she
was not on board, but James did not
believe it.
While these thoughts flew through
his mind, James had been absently
watching while the cook turned his
treasures out upon his bunk, and
paved them over with trembling
hands. There were innumerable little
things besides stiff white shirt, a
cheap shiny Bible, stuffed parrot
and several wads of clothes. And
among the mess jim caught sight OF
piece of stitched canvas that looked
familiar
Hi, YOU there! That's my money
belt!" he cried, and jumped forward
to claim his own. But in his move
ment he failed to calculate with the
waves. NC gave tihOthCL Va
her deep-sea plunges, and Jimmy,
thrown against his bunk, saw the cook
grab his kit and make for the ladder,
He regained his feet only in time to
follow at arms length up the hatch
way. At the top he threw himself
down, like a baseball runner making
his base, after the seaman's legs; but
instead of a foot, he found himself
clutching one of the weeds OF
clothes that trailed after the cook s
| bundle He caught it firmly and kept
it. but the ships cook and the rest of
his booty disappeared like rabbit in.
to it's burrow.
Jim sat down at the top OF the lad
der and examined his haul. 1t was a
pair of wooden trousers, and they were
of generous size. He spread them out
on the deck Round him were unmis.
| taxable signs of decentralization. The
second officer was ordering the men to
| the pumps in stern tones; the yacht
was pitching wildly and growing dark
ness was settling on the face of the
| turbulent waters. But in spite of it
all. Jimmy's spirit leaped forth in
| laughter as he thought of his brief,
| frantic chase, and it's results in this
capture of the characteristic Vestiture
| of man.
Whats money for. anyway" he
laughed, as he got up and clothed him
self once more.
CTO BE CONTINUED
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
Plenty of Evidence.

81 wonder" said Slithers, stopping
his car at the roadside and addressing
an old man working in the fields, IF
l can get any gasoline around here?"
81 reckon ye kim" replied the old mar,
strengthening up and leaning on his
hoe. "Ye kin get it in yer system.
anyhow. Them cars ahead o. we
seems to have left a few ton of it be-
hind 'em, jedgin' by the condition of
the atmosphere. Judge.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
A Mark of Devotion.

1.-The Grimsbys are devoted to theft
family interests, aren't they?"
Yes, indeed. Why, when they Sc
cured a prize cook, the eldest son
married her TO keep her in tht
family."
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
Friendship suffers Much

Whoever looks for friend without
imperfections will never find what he
seeks. We love ourselves with all our
faults, and we ought to love our
friends in like manner
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30
cuAUE rNTo wan, s,,ore

Aliens Foot-Ease, the Antiseptic powder for
tired. aching, swollen, nervous feet. Gives
rest and comfort. Makes walking a delight.
Sold everywhere, Csc. Don't accept any sub
stitute. For FREE sample address Allen s.
LIE Roy, N. Y. Adv.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30

Dr. Pierces Pellets, small, sugar-coated,
easy to take as candy, regulate and invigorate
stomach, liver and bowels. Do not grippe. Adv.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30

We feel sorry for the man who has
a nagging wife to fuss over the ashes
from his pipe dreams.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces infiamma-
tion allays pain cures wind collie. Csc bottle Adv
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30

About the only time a woman has
nothing to say is when she has
chance to praise one of her rivals.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30

She is a smart girl who can trans
form a yawn into a smile.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1913-01-30

1t takes a practical fisherman to de-
tect the lie in a fish story.