The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-08-03

whn amy schoolboy in this counthry eud tell him
that tn proper form is, got to bate it. Where's
me Kelly? An doesn't fellow who rises in tn
house iv lords an says, Til right hon'rable
geezer has handed us a lemon want to bite his
tongue out whn he. gets note firm Prsidint
Eliot, who's in til ga1'ry, tellin' him that tn
modhren Attic usage wud be. Til right honrabe
mutt has tossed us tn bunkerino'?
Now, if this here London ASSOCIATION iv pro-
moters iv good feelin' an copper mines did their
jooty they'd have an agent in New York, Hogan
thinks, to cable over TIL latest changes. They'd
be posted on tn bulletin boord befure tn eager
crowd: Speak-F'r chatter use bark ontil fur
ther notice, as, Bryan Still Barkin' Daily
Paper" How jolly bully says tn Honrabe
Agernon Fitz- -Eustace I'll make a note iv it.
Rppn an he hurries off to spring it on tn
daughter iv tn jock who has tSunted him on
wastin' his opportunities He doesn't let it go
at wanst No, sir He nurses it in his bosom.
He threasures it up till tn right moment. Finlly
whn his rival Lord Topnoodle who's supposed
to be leader iv fashion, vintures to remark,
didn't think Balfour's chatter in th' house las
night was such much,' Algernon turns on him
with supeeryor air an says icily: No? Why,
thought he barked pretty fair His rival dhrops'
til taycup in his embarrassmint, turns crimson,
an laves tn room bitin' his nails Amt Algy
wise to all tn new dope9 says TIL lovely Lady
Ethelinda. Sure thing, Mike, says tn jocks
daughter, her pale face hushn with pride as she
dhraws Algy aside an asts him to take her FIR
buggy ride. An tn mex week tn Coort Chron-
ice comes out with notice that Algy Fitz-
Eustace, gintleman-in-waitin' to tn Main Uproar,
will Take tn Count with his Lizzie at tn Bindery
in Hanover Square on Choosdah.'
Faith whin us free born Americans get
through with tn English language we'll make it
look as though it had been run over be musical
comedy I'm proud iv tn spread iv our slang.
But bein' advanced in years, | find wan fault with
Americas principal contribution to tn lithra-
choor iv th' wurruld. It's too quick FIR me-
can't keep up with it. An mind ye, had a good
idjacaton. I thought I was thurly grounded
whn | left tn docks. Our grajatin' class was
supposed to be wan iv tn slangiest iver turned
out be tn OF colledge. We cud har'ly undher-
stand each other. But today all me idjacation
goes FIR nawthin' an yeer oldest boy laughs at
me attimpts to engage him in aisy conversation.
Nayether iv us iver knows what tn other is
talkin' about Still, it's good to have him around,
With tn help iv tn deef an dumb alphybet he
can thransate tn newspapers an most iv tn
short stories in til magazines SO that can almost
understand thin. But l wisht ye'd speak to
Brother Ambrose an have him lend tn child
few English wurruds ten years OF an upward
to use outside iv TIL schoolroom.
Slang is sthrange thing anyhow. TIL
larned Hogan says what's slang today may
be dacint language twinty years firm now.
Wurruds ar-re funny things he says. Bad
wurruds become good wurruds an good wurruds
become bad wurruds over night. wurrud will
start be manin wan thing an in tn coorse iv a