The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1913-06-03


voted lot of my time to scientific
research, and, though it hasn't made
much of stir in the world of science
so far, l feel positive that when / am
gone the world will grieve my loss and
red nosed theorists will come and shed
scaldlng tears over my humble tomb.
My attention has been attracted to
the vital subject about which am go
ing to dissertate by strange concert
that happened in my neighborhood the
other night at rather late hour. You
see we own a tame female feline, and
l have sneaking idea that she flirts,
as matter of fact know right well
that she firts, because her flirting
kept the whole neighborhood awake a
night or two ago. / say she flirts,
maybe / am wrong, for perhaps the
poor girl is afflicted with insomnia and
can not sleep.
It's cinch that she's got something
and if she ever shows her face any
where within radius Of a mile of
where | live she'll get something else.
Something in the shape of boot NOV
ing through the early morning atmos-
phere at a remarkable rate of speed.
When we first got her she was
named Mars. In her eccentric thirst
for warfare she resembled this fellow,
but in sex she did not.
woke up one night hearing the
most uncanny sound that human ears
ever heard. I thought all the mill
tant suffragettes of Great Britain
were on my kitchen porch holding a
meeting of protest.
imagine however that the FREEDOM
inant element was males for am sure
I could distinguish masculine note
in the voices.
One certainly was male for he, or
what ever it was, had voice that
sounded like Caruso carroling through
nail key. I crept softly from my
bed and CROPPED my way through the
cleaning to the kitchen wood box
where armed myself with a piece of
cottonwood stump. I then trod light
ly to the door that opened on the
porch and after opening it cautiously
l opened up a broadside that filled the
air with bowling, screaming cats.
And | haven't seen dame Mars since.
please note the &c" in the adjective
And yeti miss Mars. am be-
ginning to feel homesick for her. l
remember what faithful animal she
was. Often she would come to my
window and lift up her voice, and
yowl into the bosom of the silent
night At first I thought she had
found some one in distress, or wanted
to get me out of doors to save my life.
l went out several nights in wierd
costume that l had made up Of gar
ments belonging to various members
of the family Once l dressed care
fully in the dark and stole out to kill
the assassin referred to by Mars, but
he was not there.
! Then / told the doctor that Mars
seemed restless by night and nervous
and irritable by day, and how she
seemed to be almost nervous wreck
and / asked him what the trouble was
He said it was undoubtedly insom-
MIA. He said that it was a bad case
of it too. l told him thought so my.
self. told him ! didn't mind the in.
somnia that Mars had so much as
did my own. I was getting more in
somnia on my hands than l could use
Had Mars returned / should have
given her something that the doctor
recommended as a remedy for me tt
administer to her. He said / shoult
put it on a piece of meat and put i
some place where it would appear
that | didn't want her to get it. L
Mars returns, her insomnia will re
suit Indignantly.
The Embryonic Humorist