davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
Not Him,

"IIas my husband been In here" In.
Quircd woman of the bartender.
Hes II tall, red faced man, no over
coat, soft hat"
~ man answering that description
got bottle of whisky here about ten
minutes ago"
"IIow big bottlei"
Half pint. ma'am."
"Somc other man." said the woman.
st. Louis POst-Dispatch.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
Teeth of tho Sperm WhaIe.

Instead Of having plates Of baleen
the square nosed sperm whale carries
a row OF twenty to twenty-five heavy
teeth on each side Of the lower jaw
These ct into sockets in the roof Of the
mouth and assist in holding the giant
squid and cuttle6sh on which the enor.
nous animal feeds. The squid seldom
gets away from the warm currents;
hence the sperm usually remains In the
tropics.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
Tho poor watfar

Old Lady twho has been lunching
with her SOM Here. william. yon left
this quarter on the tnbie by mistnksI
It's lucky saw It. because the waiter
had his eve on IT. Life.
Strength Of the OYSTER
III the av"rnGr person were gskeJ
what was tn" strongest living thing Il
Is probable that hc would name the
Hon or some such huge denizen of the
forest nnd would not even think of the
unasSrrtive bivalve. Rut so great Is
the power possessed by the oyster that
10 open 1t force equal to 1905 times
tne weight of its sheII-less body is re-
CURED
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
a Culinary Idoa.

How will you have your eggs cook
edT asked the waiter.
Make any difference in the cost Of
'em?' inquired the cautious customer
with the brimless hat and the ragged
beard
80"
Then cook 'em on the top Of slice
Of ham," said the customer, greatly re
lleved. Smiths Weekly.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
How to Look Younu.

She--l sent q dollar TO young wo,
man for a recipe to make me look
young.
He-What did you get?
Shea card saying, always associ.
ate with women twenty years Older
than yourself"
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

First Convict They say It took MI
ton fifteen days to write one page OF q
book.
Second Con vict-That's nothing. I've
been on one sentence six years. and I'm
not through yet.-Judge.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

"Ah. cease to fiatter mel' she cried.
II don't believe word you say!
And then she sat and sadly sighed
Because obcdiently he tried
To babble in n pleasant way
Concerning graces others had
And triumphs that had made him glad.
Chicago Record Herald.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
He Will.

a stupid justice OF the peace
Lots hope the tribe will not iucrease-
Tied up a pair the other day
And had tho bridegroom say obey"
or course this made the thOughtless laugh
And scatter round their verbal chaff.
Yet Is II true. whatc'er they say.
The fact remains they all obey
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

Reform should be conducted In a
scientific way" said the economist.
quite true" replied Professor High
brow The only trouble with scien-
tihc reform is that by the time you get
through with a diagnosis it's liable to
be too late for a remedy" -Washing-
ton Star.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

In accordance with custom the prog
ress of the new tariff bill through the
senate Will be conducted with the de-
liberation for which that august body
Is noted, and the schedules will be
closely SCrutiniZed. In order to facilitate
matters and take up tariff revision In
scientific manner II has been ar
ranged to divide the ujority member
ship Of the finance committee into
three groups, with Chairman Simmons
as OK ofliclO member of each OF the
subcommittee.
1t Will be the duty Of each subcOm-
mlttee to carefully examine the SEIZED.
ules assigned to II. recommend changes.
II any, and report the results Of its
labors to the full committee
Charles Spalding Thomas OF CoIora-
do, who has been assigned to the i'm
portnnt wool schedule. Is the newest
member Of the finance committee. He
was born I'm Georgia SiXty-four years
ago. was graduated In the law from
Michigan university I'm 1871 ana since
Tint year has lived in Colorado. He
Inns served MS city attorney of Denver.
as governor of the state and has Mt
tended five Democratic ntIOnnl cOnven.
lions MS n delegate. In 1912 he won
the state wide primary contest for SEN
ator OF the United States for the term
made vacant by the death of Senator
@. j. Hughes. His term expires In 1915.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

start the love interest early" d.
rected the magazine editor.
"All right. I'll be glad to-" said the
prominent author. Its easier to write
love gush than epigra louisville
Courier-Journal.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
Bound TO Be Miaaod

"WtI' anybody miss me when I'm
gomez"
Plenty OF people There's the piopo
man WIN mis- Collar week, the ency-
ciop"dia man with his dollar and the
insurance agent with bis 80 cents."-
Kansas City journal.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

Get out and hustle round the town.
Don't be a lazy pup.
Just roll those high cufred trousers down
And roll your sleeves way up.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

"a understand that Smith is going to
sue Jones for assaulting him"
Yes; Smith received serious dam
ages in person and feelings"
Then what is he trying to get more
or?"-Baltimore American.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
kent a Good Table,

Brown-Kecps n good table, does
she2 Robinson-Excelle Solid oak.
uns had It for years.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

First Lieutenant-As we were going
over the river on the plank bridge it
gave way. and the men fell In.
Second Lieutenant-Whatd did you do?
First Lieutenant-I ordered them to
fall out, Of course.-St. Paul Pioneer
Press
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
Never.

She-We women are all misunder.
stood. Howell. you never saw one
who tried to make herself plain, did
you2-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

How shall we shun the microbe
That assails us at each breath"
II he can't Kill US otherwise
He'll brighten us to death.
st. Louis Globe-Democrat.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
THIA wORln

THIS world that we'rs alvin n
n In mighty hard to beat.
You git thorn with every rose,
But amt the roses swset7
--Uaidenti6eA,
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

81 had a tough time delivering the
mail Yesterday" declared the postman
How was that"
Had bulldog and chunk of liver
In the same delivery. louisville Cou-
rier-Journal
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

Each boy scout now is hunting.
With love for the game immense.
That good old fashioned knothole
That grows in the baseball fence.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
Spoiled.

opOTTUUt
oils popularity is spelling him"
whats the matter nOw?"
Hes got so that he can't enjoy q
banquet unless he's Mt the spcakeru'
tablc."-DetrOit Tree Press.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25
Sassy.

Lady - Why, you naughty boy! /
never heard such language since the
day was born.
Small Boy-Yes. mum. / B'pOBe deTe
wuz a good deal Of cdSsin' de day ~
wuz bora. London Tit Bits.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

It's easy enough to look pleasant
When everything runs along fine.
But the fellow worth while
Is the one who can smile
When some idiot steps on his shine.
-Washington Star.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

Great Ia the art Of beginning. but
greater In the art Of ending.-LongfeI-
low.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

Cholly CallOw-They say. you know
that music makes the hair grow.
Miss JolIeigh-lf you think it will
help your mustache I'll play something
for you.-Boston Transcript.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

There was once n happy old Ute
Who dwclt ut the top Of n butte.
All day long he would toot
On crazy old flute.
Oh. he was n beaut Of II Ute!
Springfield Union
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

Always take the short cut, and that
r. the rational one. Therefore shy and
do everything according to the sound
est reason Marcus Aurelius.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

He roamed half round the world OF woe
Where toll and labor never cease,
Then dropped one little span below
In search Of peace.
And now to him mild beams and show.
ers,
All that he needs to grace his tomb.
From lonclIest regions at all hours.
Unsought for. come.
New York Mail.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

II hold no brief for any trust"
The lawyer said
mo magazine with n lot OF dust
Supplies my bread
I've often gnawcd n moIdy crust
Or chewed a quId
] hold no brief for any trust
/ wish did,"
Pittsburgh Post
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

Jim-Why aren't you at work today7
Out on strike?
Tom-Yes. struck the boss for
raise. and he fred mc.--Boston Globe.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

Emily tat prom)-I wonder If Phil
expects me to dance the turkey trot
with him?
Dorritt-l don't see why | heard
him call you n bear minute ago.
Wisconsin Sphinx
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

A cannibnl king thought his Mrs.
Too fond Of n guard named Ulrs.
so that horrld I'D king
Frlcasseed the poor thing.
And UlrB mrs her 'trs
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

Don't argue. son. It's better far
To try to keep away from It,
Bear this In mind. unless you arc
A lawyer and get pny for It.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

GrIggs-My wife feels sure that boy
of ours will be president some day.
Brlggs-Well, he mny go to Mexico
or South America you know.-Boston
Evening Transcript
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

I'VE look before and after
And pine for what IL not"
The cards we throw away one hand
Would help the next lot.
Judge.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

How does Mary look In her new
Balkan suit" asked MarIonne
ar she only had beard she'd DO
the perfect Image Of the magazine pic
lures Of "TOlstoI in PEASANT RHrb,'" an.
swercd Myldrcdde.--M Milwaukee, SENT
mel
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25

"Dld the doctor diagnose your casef"
Eyes"
"IIow long did It tuke2r
mot long. | wore my shabbiest
suit ."-I}irmiTgham AgcIIcrald
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1913-08-25


Then what is he trying to get more
American.
How shall we shun the microbe
That assails us at each breath"
II he can't Kill US otherwise
He'll friGhten us to death.
st. Louis Globe-Democrat.
Reform should be conducted In a
scientific way" said the economist.
quite true" replied Professor High
brow. The only trouble with scien-
titic reform is that by the time you get
through with a diagnosis it's liable to
be too late for a remedy.
ton Star.
Each boy scout now is hunting.
With love for the game immense.
That good old fashioned knothole
That grows in the baseball fence.
Judge.
First Lieutenant-As we were going
over the river on the plank bridge 1t
gave way. and the men fell in.
Second Lieutenant-Wha did you do?
fall out, Of course.-St. Paul Pioneer
Press
He roamed half round the world OF woe.
Where toll and labor never cease,
Then dropped one little span below
In search Of peace.
And now to him mild beams and show
ers,
All that he needs to grace his tomb.
From loncllest regions at all hours.
Cnsought for. come
New York Mail
81 had a tough time delivering the
mail yesterday" declared the pOstman.
How was that?"
Had bulldog and chunk of liver
In the same delivery. louisville Cou-
rier-Journal.
It's easy enough to look pleasant
When everything runs along fine,
But the fellow worth while
Is the one who can smile
When some idiot steps on his shine.
Washington Star.
Cholly CaIlow say. you know.
that music makes the hair grow.
Miss JOlIeigh-lf you think it will
help your mustache I'll play something
for you.-BoSton Transcript.
II hold no brief for any trust
The lawyer said
mo magazine with n lot OF dust
Supplies my bread
I've often Enawcd Il moIdy crust
Or chewcd a quid
hold no brief for any trust
l wish I did,"
Pittsburgh Post.
Emily tat prom)-I wonder If Phil
expects me to dance the turkey trot
with him?
Dorritt-l don't see why ! heard
Wisconsin Sphinx
There was once a happy old Ute
Who dwclt ut the top Of n butte.
All day long lie would toot
On n crazy old flute.
Oh. he was a beaut Of Ute,
Springfield Union
Jim-Why aren't you at work today 2
Out on strike?
Tom-Yes. struck the boss for a
raise. and he fired mc.--Boston Globe
Don't argue. son. It's better far
To try TO keep away from II.
Benr this In mind. unless you are
A lawyer and get pny for It.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Dld the doctor diagnose your caseT'
Eyes"
"How long did 1t tukeY"
mot long. | wore my shabbiest
suit" -Firmirgham Agc-IIcrald.
I'VE look before and after
And pine for what IL not"
The cards we throw away one hand
Would help the next n lot.
Judge.
"How does Mary look in her new
Balkan suit" asked MarIonne.
ar she only had beard she'd be
the perfect Image Of the magazine pic
lures Of "Tolstoi in peasant garb,'" an.
swercd Myldrcdde.- Milwaukee Sent
mel
cannibnl king thought his Mrs.
Too fond OF guard named Ulrs.
so that horrld I'D king
TrIcasseed the poor thing.
And UlrB mrs her 'trs
Life.
GrIggs-My wife feels sure that boy
Of ours will he president some day.
Briggs Well. he mny go to Mexico
or South America. you know.-Boston
Evening Transcript
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03
THE PLAZA

Another six-act bill with the real
punch in it is offered at the Plaza
for the first three days OF this week.
With plenty of novelty, catchy music,
lively f1nmaking and lively dances, 1t
appeals as well by its variety and by
it's aH-around enjoyable qualities. The
Six Musical SpiIlers, for the first time
in any but the big time vaudeville
theatres, present one of the jo1liest
and most entertaining acts yet seen
at the Plaza. full of life and ginger
and .tgo. Tilford, a ventriIoquist
who has been termed the only rival
of Marshall Montgomery, contributes
an extremely novel and pleasing offer
Ing. Perry & Elliot are to be seen in
a Dutch comedy and singing skit built
for laughing purposes and well justi-
flying them; and Mekra, a clever
sleight of hand performer with cards
who is also something of a comedian
in his own original way, is bound to
start a lot of guessing. Juliet Wood,
singing Coincidence, contributes an
unusually bright and catchy budget
of songs. The Two Franks are in
a decidedly classy and novel gymnastic
act. The new motion pictures in
c1Ilde the splendid vitagraph drama,
Tom Grogan's Founding the Es-
sanay comedy The Gun Man, the
I1ubin drama 1.-THE Supreme Sacrifice
and a. very pretty romantic story en-
titled Love- The entire new bill
on Thursday will be headed by the
Brothers Byrne in their latest trick
and comedy acrobatic pantominic
novelty "a Carriage Ride and Its
MishapS."
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03
POLLS VAUDEVILLE

Jesse L. LasRy's great musical Of
fering, 1.-The Trained Nurses" will
head q bill of big features at Poh's
theatre this week. In The Trained
Nurses" Mr. Laslxy has scored his
greatest success, this little musical
comedy SURPRISING anything that this
vaudeville genius has given to the
theatTe-going public. All the elements
OF that form OF amusement in highest
favo-danc1ng, singing and bright
operetta- Gladys Clark, q prime ia
vorite in musical comedy for seasons,
heads the extraordinary cast present.
ing this dainty extravaganza, and Is
supported by a company Of talented
artists whistleabIe music, catchy
songs and graceful dances are pre-
scented in kaleidoscope rapfdity in a
manner that pleases most highly. The
production is lavishly costumed and
staged in the typical LasIzy style.
Other big features of the bill this
week will be Kate watson, 1.-THE Sis
Hopkins'' OF vaudeville; The Three
Leightons in "A One Night Stand in
Minetrelsy,'' something different in
the song and dance offerings; Charles
c. Drew and company in s'Mr. Flynn
from LYNN an excrutitingly funny
satiraca1 railroad episoda; Those, -Four
Entertainers, monarchs of melody, in
their vocal advertisements; Selbini and
Grovine in ''57 Varieties h whirlwind
acrobatic and gyrnnastic offering.
Winslow and Stryker, roller skating
experts and the Polfscope, presenting
the latest in motion pictures
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03
LITTLE BEAUTY CHATS
BEACON
Hint for the Thin Woman
BY BLANCHE BEACON

The woman who is slender to a
fault n1ust stop flying to pieces over
every trifling disaster If she has it
in mind to acquire a pretti1y rounded
hgure. Suppose Johnny does throw
stones at the neighbours cat and the
cook does waste butter and eggs re-
gard1ess of mile-1ong grocer's bills.
1t does not do a particle of good to
worry over these catastrophes. In
stead of fretting endlessly, put your
foot down-metaphorica speaking
ON cook and Johnny and keep it
there.
Take things easily. This may be
difficult at first but eventually you
will discover that it is easier to laugh
than to cry. Look at the bright side
of things, even il you think there is
not any. Keep looking and finally
you will see that the lining of your
cloud Is silver, just as it should be.
Another thing, Mi1adi of many
moods, be persistent with any treat
ment You take up Give it fair trial
and do not condemn until you know
positively that it is a failure. Many
treatment would prove satisfactory
If its users would but give it time
to accomplish something.
Abandon the idea which possesses
you that there is a treatment, some
where that will add the desired
pounds in one or two weeks time.
If such a treatment were in existence
there would be no thin women on the
r
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03
FOX's LYRIC THEATRE

For these three days comprising the
first half of the week William For
will offer at the Lyric, his new amuse-
ment venture, bill that will eminent
ly satisfy the most critical and espe-
cfally satisfy the vaudeville goer who
wants the best there is In the matter
of vaudeville acts. OF the six special
acts to be offered, every act has won
signal honOrs on the so. called big
time and this is especially true in
the case of Herbert Brooks, who heads
the bill, for Brooks is as widely known
in the leading vaudeville houses OF
continental Europe as he is in the
foremost vaudeville houses of Amer1-
ca. He will feature his famous SO, 0Oo
Trunk Mystery a ten years prob
lem to scientists and yet uneolved. II
is the mystery of all mysteries and in
addition Brooks will offer his roper
toire of magic which is unsurpassed
A special feature of the bill will be
| Grace ST. Clair and company in the
dramatic episode, Called from the
Street. bit Of play writing with the
real punch and another act with ar
international success to back it UT
will be Dora Dean and Her Boys, fea.
turing Miss Dean, formerly of the
team of Johnson and Dean. Their
there will be the Sorreu Brothers, Eu.
| ropean acrobatic grotesques; Martin
and Frank, 1.-TWO Men in Gray and
| Diehl Stock company IN move
three; act production with singing
dancing and sparkling repartee. Their
will be the usual six reels of first ruI
| photo-p1ays and the eight piece or
chestra which is welcome innova
| ton. Today Mr.. Brooks arrived il
| town and stated that Tuesday he will
make a public demonstration of hi
| trunk mystery in a Main street stor
and refute any argument that ma!
arise that he cannot stay in the trunl
| and live for more than three minutes
| Brooks claims that he will stay in tn
| trunk three hours and will prove it t.
| the public at large.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03


The following is surely the funniest
vote of thanks uttered for a long time.
The speaker with evidently the best In
tent1ons in the world nervously houn-
dered along through various sentences
complimentary TO the lecturer and
finally fiickered out feebly thus: ''And
30 propose a vote of thanks for the
lecture to which we have so ably lis
tened" The audience was so wearied
that it did not notice the fatuous re
mark. and only the lecturer smiled.
1t is fit 10 be placed beside another
middle headed sentence made In con-
versat1on to a north London clergy
man. A man had been pressing his
views energetically on a certain ques-
tion when suddenly he paused and.
looking at the clergyman. said briskly,
''And now, sir. what is your humble
opinion ?''-London Tit-Bits.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03
Indian Names.

The finest Indian names are those
which belong to the cloud clan. ALI
these names are derived from meteor
illogical phenomena They are the
hardest of names to translate from In
dian into English. The great cloud
clan Sioux, whose name was really
Eclipse. was always known TO the
whites as HoIe-in-the-Day. A certain
cloud chn girl. whose name was de-
rived from the beautiful phenomenon
Of the slow advance of the approach
ing raincloud, was known to the
whites as Walking Rama pretty
name, but one requiring explanation to
q Observation-Disclosures
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03
PARK THEATRE

One OF the most fascinating, anus
ing and educational entertainments
VIII be seen in the reproduction of
Paul J. Rainey's African hunt which
comes to the Park theatre for three
nights with naatinees beginning today.
These wonderful motion pictures de-
pict the hunting of wild beasts of the
African jungle and many thrilling
features are shown in Mr.. Rainey's
mississippi hounds hunting and trail
ing the lion, cheetah, leopard, hyena,
etc In this expedition Mr.. Rainey
was accompanied by 40 white men and
$40 native porters, a complete outfit
of the latest motion cameras, as well
as a number Of camels, oxen, horses,
and 80 of his faithful Mississippi
hounds With this equipment and one
years time in the equatorial zone, Mr..
Rainev secured the greatest motion
pictures that have ever been presented
to the public.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03
Old Times In New York.

In 1889 New York city maintained an
Official who would whip a servant,
either free or slave. for the master,
charging shilling for the job. Petty
thieves were branded for life with a
'"I.' on the cheek. Mrs. Johanna Young
and another woman convicted of grand
larceny were driven all over the city
in an open cart, then stripped to the
waist and given thirty-nine lashes
apiece in public and then banished,
t+whereupon." says the record, they
went to Philadelphia"
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03
LYRIC SUNDAY CoNCERF

The concert rendered by, the Wheeler
& Wilson band, at the Fox's Lyric
theatre last night supplemented by
selections by Loren Delbridge, was
greatly pleasing to many patrons.
Opening with march from Carmen,
followed by overtures from Mozart
and Nicbolai and closing with varta-
lions from the Ballet SymphoniQue,
the Band was accorded enthusiastic
appreciation. The soIoist of the even
Ing Mr.. Loren DeIbridge sang several
ballads in his well moulded tenor
voice and was recalled for several
eucoreS
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03
In After Years.

Smith-When Green was counting
that young widow a couple OF years
ago he declared he couldn't live with
put her. Jones-And Gid he marry herr
Emith-Yes. And now he is trying to
get a divorce on the grounds that it's
impossible to live with her.-Exchange
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1913-03-03
His Chaica.

Are you fond of musicP' asked a
stranger of the young man at the con-
cert who was applauding vigorously
after pretty girl had sung in a very
painful way.
mot particularly" said the young
man frankly. but I'm exceedingly
fond of the musician"