New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-08-06
AS | WAS SAYING

Thirsting for sport last evening. we fastened TO
the War Department. But are an old-fashioned
boy This hampered us. Nothing unusual occurred
merely theft of military secrets.
Still the rrepressible conflict with Mexico Frances
ever nearer and possibly interest attaches 10
our loot So put your little hand in ours and we VIII
tell YOU all-or rather, read aloud;
'Heroism.-This vice is strictly forbidden during
the coming campaign II leads to kissing, to Con-
gress to seeing Japs at night, to oboquy anu III d
deserving case, to positive DeweyiZaton.
death NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. are advised TO secure
their death warrants before starting Apply to the
cook.
Round Robins.-These the first essential OF
discipline. Have your round robin countersigned by
the expeditions ornithologist Adjutant Guy Lowell
''War Observation-Disclosures permitted See
preface to forthcoming volume. Alone in Mexico
Carl Scribber's Sons copyright 1913; all rights re-
served including translation into the Armaged-
donese."
Monsieur lie Baron D'Estournelles de Constant
YES gentlemen. all that!-has written us UP. what
emotion. What impressions! Thrilhngy ne ue-
scrbes our tempted hills. our rocks our rills anu
that fairest of institutions Mile la MANICURE
But-name of a name-how he does come down
on American men! Saw one COR says he did stoniiy
reading a newspaper with his LETT hahu "i"e 4"'i'
Ia Manicure caressed his right
Conspue, Baron! This is actionable-not only
sIanderous but false We know that male. All, the
sweet sappy goo-goo mushiness with which ms
ewes search the deeps of the fair ones soul! And
she?
Chews gum!
II is terrible tale. this of the waitress aboard
Lake Superior steamboat. They are proseCu''hs he'
for mutiny on tho high seas.
he
rainier she naturally resented dictation. But we
leave It to the tcnors if any lake however superior
is a high
Slight Reverend Kid McSlugg, Fire Warden al
St Chrlstabel's Pankhurstshre. and bouhcer-ih-
Ordinary at 81. Paul's Cathedral has gone 10 the
root Of the matter Delvng among statistics In the
British Museum he finds that bachelors In England
have increased by 1.14G.571 in thirty "ears Ter
ribIe, Heart breaking! Think of being nj once a
bachelor and Engllshman.
For our part we incline toward lenency' III
England II is difficult rise above ones station ana
we understand that many OF these gentlemen are
bachelors by birth.
Meanwhile we applaud the efforts that are being
made I'm various quarters OF the globe to render
married life less deterrent. though we fear the re-
formers erope too often in the dark For instance
the Tommy Blckershams Having tried separate
rooms separate fats and separate continents they
are now trying separate hemispheres
True Tommys laundry checks drawn on the
Chemical Bank OF Pekng. are promptly cashco py
Mrs Tommy here in town. yet she has been eNtraV-
agant from the first. and squanders the hst tael oi
her allowance on cablegrams 10 Tommy. Daily ne
receives her passionate. yearning hehr' UNIQUE W.
seechng him to stay there.
The Jewels are still missing and 1t is the fault OF
tho polIce Such stupidity These fellows cannot
even trace the vast, glitterng mountain ranges OF
Jewels mislaid by Americas footlight favorites
Evidently we should take Or. Ransfords advice
and shop elsewhere for policemen. Inc marhe' NJ
fords good ones Remember the fine sthwart' IN
telgent Columbian Guards at the WORLDS Far III
Chicago. Personally, we were never arrested more
capably.
While sketchng the exhibits in the Fine Arts
Ruilding we felt a tap on the shoulder. In no time
~ ,,ere delivered up to the lieutenant the captain
mud finally the centurion. who seized our sketches.
I'm, we were avenged. The centurion then had our
sketches.
II is sweet TO know that Brer Jack Johnson pays
homage TO Napoleon. visiting his tomb every uay
and stocking huge library with his p'ostnph'es'
This condescension fills with n calm JOY But we
wonder a little II Napoleon's influence Is altogether
good for Brer Jack Think how It affected Colonies
Theodore and Ciprianol Must we infer that the re-
turns from Elba not all in yet?
The good soul who has been circulating Bibles
among the South Americans reports that they TOOK
him To-. a political agent Of Uncle Sans out land
grabbing
Can't blame them much. No doubt they had
heard how the English obtain colonies. Thls ~ wen
lrowr First they send missionaries. who teach the
natives to say their prayers While their eyes are
sbut down comes the native flag, up goes the Brit
-, = IA thar. you are, r. L. H.