New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-09-15
AS | WAS SAYING

Only laughter has greeted Count Villaris new
treatise ON "Spaghetiquette," though we find it a
work of the highest archaeological value. as IT begins
bv tracing spaghetti to its origin on Mount opa-
ghetna.
Another riddle solved! Now we can interpret the
marble group mistakenly called The LAGOON
Long regarded as representing battle with SER
pents il is in reality the sculptors idea OF human
ity's first encounter with spaghetu.
How simple, how clear, once we have the Key 10
the mystery, Those three nude. writing figures
those cruel terrifying coils-why, brethren what
else can they mean? Haven't we been there our
self?
spaghetiquette has progressed wonderfully since
then Thanks to this humane science, 1t is now pos
slbIe to plunge in fully dressed
Risky though. Also matter OF some dehcacy'
as the rules are pretty strict. Climbing on chairs
and lifting the spaghetti to the ceiling in the nope
Of intercepting il on its way down, Is subterfuge
that has not been tolerated among the best spaghel
lists since the middle Of the twelfth century though
the vulgar still employ it. Nor will the true sports
man cut up his spaghetti. This is cowardly.
AS for the usual method that Of letting the spa
ghetti run and overtaking it when IT Is fatigued'
Count Viar condemns it too much of cat-and-
mouse act and so do
fectual with the tip OF your fork snare three
spears Of spaghetti Coax them into the palm OF
tablespoon Keeping the tip Of the fork in contact
with the palm Of the spoon twirl patiently. Con-
tinue this until the three spears are wound INTO
ball around the fork. Then pounce
Such is the Viar system-polite, scientific and
from a military point of view. magnificent. The
star of victory sits upon its brow. We cannot De 100
grateful 4 great servant Of humanity is the Count,
FORTH
coming work on "Chiantics'
We understand that tho book will answer ques-
ton that has always perplexed us. e. why IS II
that we hear so much about Chianu and so little
about Chuncle?
Honors are even. No sooner have We planned to
snub the British Empire by excluding Sister En-
incline as an undesirable anarchist than British JUS
tice shakes its fist at Sister Evelyn and threatens
to forbid her Canadian tour.
Hurrah for British Justice. II Sister Evelyn
should visit Canada, is there n ghost Of a chance
that an adoring populace would ever permit her TO
return TO the land Of her birth?
Mr. McDougaII OF oxford is declaring that
should laugh at our friends troubles, and the re-
mark calls forth It's share Of protests. Not from
paragraphers though Theirs is generous. forgiv-
ing nature They don't mind II you laugh at the
sOrcst deepest, plllercst ol uei u"u"''S "''H''''
paragraphs
Good God. When is this going to stop?" cries
"a Mother in a letter to the editor about the pre-
vaing deuge Of x-twaddle, and we hear that It is
doing more harm than good. Doubtless, But per
sonaly we have a refuge Back to Paris!
81 have sinned grievously." writes d. T. y.
while a guest at Mrs. Desmond Lamoreux's sea-
shore villa had the indscrcton to tell her that the
mattress on my bed was phcnomenally soft and
comfortable. little realized my crime till came to
reflect. Then saw that had been guilty OF a grim
injustice to the next guest"
Precisely, Never tell hostess you found the
mattress comfortable. She will transfer it to her
own ROOM
4 great deal has been said about Mr. and Mrs.
Hood Of PlainheId ~ j. who have told the court
their ingenious but Intellectual rules for securing
domestic peace. Mr.. H. to plainly and sweetly
do likewise"
Now, we have quarrel with the main principle.
Let candor rage unchecked. BE plain" ye married
folks. But if you value your happy homes, do not
be sweet" about it, That, brethren is the point be-
yond which!
It is insuffcrable Rather rolling pins and golf
sticks hot curling tongs and Motto for tho
WALL 'Tn time Of war there is nothing nasty as
sweetness"
Despite his kicks and squeals, Mr. Robert j. Fitz-
simmons has been forced join the jury, though he
argued that he had professional engagement
something in the Chautauqua line, we infer.
4 10 a ili wind that blows nobody good