The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-01-04

didate
For the insane asylum no doubt.
There is never a cure for the dippy love
state;
It has just got to wear itself out.
He is looney, he's batty, bereft of his
He's as Shy of gray matter above
As the tosncat who yells on back alley
Yes. he is, when a fellers in love-
According to Uncle Abner.
No chain is stronger than the weak
est link. but some sausage is.
The most embarrassing baldspot Is
one which starts down at the back
of the neck where the hat won't cover
it.
The court decided that Mr.. and Mrs.
Lafe Purdy, who have got into too
many wordy alterations, should talk
on their fingers in the deaf and dumb
language. Last Sunday morning Mrs.
F,urdy talked SO fast that she broke
three fingers. She has 'em in plaster
cast now and for the first time in his
life Lafe kin do all the tallxin'
The woman who amt happy unless
she Is miserable fills an important
place in this world sitter all because
she makes lot of folks feel thank
full that they are better off than she
is.
II all the fellers spent as much
time saving their money as they do
saving their cigar coupons there would
be a lot more Pierpont Morgans in our
midst.
There are lots of people that ain.
never particle alarmed about the
future life when they are feelin' well.
Generlly the "cryin' need OF the
hour is a nursin' bottle.
If every Teller could vote as he fol.
Tered We could have different presf-
dent in this country about every two
days
When a campaign orator wants to give
tune for applause he stops and takes n
drink OF water, however painful it may
Almost everybody likes red hair, IN
somebody else.
Where is the old-fashioned gal who
use, used to make red flannel penwipers for
birthday presents?
Since Hanl- Purdy has been in love
with the gra<e; wilder down by the cross
ROADS, ne mas lost four fingers at tic
sawmill. His mind hasn't been on mis-
work.
A steam laundry kin do more tricks
with a 5o-cent shirt in five minutes than
monkey can with cocoanut
AS times goes by one is impressed with
the fact that wooden socks for summer
wear are not quite SO popular as thew
were back in the sixties.
One thing never heard woman hrap
about is her age.
If every Teller would git to bed at
CLOCK at night and git up at 6 O'Clock
sanitariums dom business in the coun-
try. ~ o
Anse Frisby has got new visible type
Anse's wife calls.
very few poets git arrested for speed
ing their automobiles.
There are more varieties of nroeraes1,-a-
IN TINS country than of PICKLES
AAnother who has disappeared is the Old
lelier who used to go into the hardIxa -
store and sharpen his false teeth ~, y
grindstone. 0i'
From the HickeyvilIc Clarion.
Miss Euphemia Perkins our poetess of
passion. has written a poem for this ma
Ter and same will be published when sbe
antes up five cents line which is our
rates. the same as for cards of thanx
Simplif1ed spelling is great stuff for tie
editor that uses it don't have to spend
whether it is right or not not even INC,
feIler that invented it.
Old Uncle Abner says he was treated by
doctor the last time he was down to tie
city. 1t amt known what he took hut
f HI pretty near a eineh he took a little
The last time this town went local or-
ton. 1t was pretty tough on the old topers
The only places where they could buy
stores William Tibbitt's general store. up
stairs over the livery stable. Hariz
Tumms' hoat house. Jed Frink's black
smith shop, Anse Judson's tool house.
Purdy's flour mill, Tilson's barber shop,
Deacon STUDIOS corn crib. Hod Peters Eel.
house Room 3e5 Hotel Hoppertown, and
s Swayzey creek is flooded. and Ezra Har-
kns, our local weather bureau. has con-
suited his rheumatic and says the creek is
goin' four feet and three-tenths higher.
Wien it comes to weather, Uncle Ezra IS
not only a bureau, but n whole bedroom
set.
There is three fee; of water in the base
nent of William Tibbit's general store
and fishin' through the knotholeS in the
floor is all the rage. Grandpa Bibbns has
caught one rubber boot and a secondhand
zinc washboard.
T Egbert Peavy has given up mis- plan
to locate down to the. city and has ac-
cepted lucrative position as floorwaiket
fin Amos Butts livery stable. Old Alb
Jones is a regular end seat hog Three
women fell over him trying to get into the
amen corner in the L. B. church last Sun
day.
Mr.. Amry Hicks. who went west ID
make his fortune six months ago, having
washed his hands of this place forever,
has returned and accepted a position as
first assistant chambermaid at Amos
Butts livery feed and sales stables.
Hank Purdy, one of our local philan-
thropists, has fingered out q scheme to
in the office of the Huttel Hickeyville.
He has bored hole in a one-cent piece
and tied a silk thread to it After he
works the machine eight or ten times and
gets pocketful Of peanuts he yanks the
cent out and puts ii away Constable
Ezra Link. who has been at work on tie
case has been considerably bafled, as
Hank has worn false muSfache and
blue eyeglasses while doing the work. The
eonstabfe Eas seen him workin' the ma
chine several times, but on account OF