The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-19

a shabby old cottage on the out
skirts of a village was suddenly trans
formed by paint and paper into an
lner resident of the place. who knew
the occupants to be a poor widow and
ner ne'er-do-well son, was curious
about the change. He inquired about
it at the gate.
Yes. sir" replied the old lady
smilingly. my sons in work now.
Makes good money, e does. too. All
circus every day. and put is head in
the lions mouth The rest of the
time e as to 'eself."
When the baby came to Mary's
home she was told that the doctor
brought it. She thought he kept an
unlimited supply. Mary had been
taught that %politeness was n of the
greatest charms a person could pos
sess.
One day the doctor called and said
house. Would you like to go with
me to see it?"
Mary was delighted. The baby was
very tiny. only weighing three and a
half pounds. When Mary saw this
frail bit of humanity she turned her
face up to the doctor and said:
Il think you are very polite TO take
the smallest for yourself"
struction gang engaged on a spur
near Philadelphia was approached no,
long since by al 1rishman of the
gang. who asked about a job for his
brother Dennis.
He's jist as good a mai as me-
silf." said Mike.
Cant ye fix him here?"
man. Send him here tomorrow
morning."
whole I'm about it," continued
the Celt, I'D ioike to put in a wur'rd
for me other brother. Malachi"
rs he a good man, too
Me fri'nd." said the 1rishman. i'm
r~ressive,y, "Malachis a better mar
In that case said the foreman
with a grin. tell Malachi to come
and you and Dennis can look sol
other jobs"
known as buffalo Bill" is responai-
BILE for the following:
AT one time, for a few months,
was at the head of a theatrical COM
, otldLlOU IVdI uIu buslIlSSS III Lut lnlO-
die west. During a tour Of one night
stands in Ohio n Kentucky bust
ness was bad. We finally disbanded
in one of the Ohio towns, where only
n performance was given. This
was IA matinee and the audience wa;
conspicuous by its absence. AS
was hurrying out Of the Office. wher
I nearly stumbled over a small CIR
who was crying bitterly. I stopped
and. bending doNn, asked:
Why. what's the matter, little
yirl?"
II want me money back" scream.
co the child between her sobs.
WHY. don't you like the show I?
act. you know
show howled the child. I'm 'frait
Il set in that gallery all a%lone!'"-
Everybody's Magazine.
He had Just reached the philo.
sophical stage when he slipped into
to eat. He ordered. Phen he sal
expression. and waited. .
1t is admitted he did some wait.
ing. too. What happened to his or.
der couldn't be understood outside
the peCul17f ConNuA6lOnS OF q res.
taurant kitchen. but he spent hall
an hour sitting there. staring ahead
of him.
At last it came. As the waitres:
put the order before him, he started
from his deep study. as if he had
forgotten he had an order coming
Then. looking up at the fair trans.
porter OF edibles. he said:
You don't look a day older!"-
~Everybody's Magazine.
Mark Twain in his lecturing day,
reached a small eastern town one
afternoon and went before dinner t.
a BARRIERS to be shaved.
you are a stranger in town, sir p
the barber asked.
Yes. I am a stranger here. was the
reply.
We're having a good lecture hero
tonight SIR" said the barber, "a
Mark Twain lecture. Are you going
to it?"
Eyes, ] think I WILL" said Mr.
Clemens.
Have YOU got your ticket yet?" the
barber asked.
No. not yet" said the oth.r.
Then. sir. you'll have to stand"
Dear me-" Mr.. Clemens exclaim.
ed. "1t seems as IL I always do have
to stand when hear that man Twain
lecture"
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