davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16
Up-to-Date Jokes

Mr., Tighttist-And so you are the
noble fellow who rescued my wife
from in front of the electric car at
the risk of your life? Take this
quarter, my heroic man. as an express
sion of our undying regard"
Mr.. Rags-Al right, boss. You know
better'n do what the woman's worth.
Teacher (sternly) what is
the matter with your eye? II you and
Willie Whyte have been fighting
again, | shall give each OF you a good
whipping"
Johnny with the victor's generos-
ity)-Yes'm. But you needn't mind
about Bill; he's mad hts.
I've bought a bulldog" said Par
sniff. to his friend Lessup. and
want a motto to put over his kennel.
Can you think of something"
Why not use a dentists sign:
Teeth inserted here >" suggested
Lessup.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16

bigger around in the middle than a big
mans body.
1t was a blow from this monsters tail
which had knocked the lion silly See
ing that the lion had come down upon
the snake with ali his terrible talons
extended swift retaliation was hardly
TO be wondered at.
Then, however, the lion did a foolish
thing. 1t may have been through ter
ror, or it may have been through rage
I can not say Anyway he grappled
with the coiing serpents body. In
Stantly the monster went for him with
a hiss striking a blow with his blunt
head, like a battering ram, that would
have easily stunned any ordinary beast.
What happened then is not known, for
the dust rose up in a cloud and hid the
fighters. The noise of the conflict, how
ever, was awful, and ii could be heard
even by the gathered herds out on the
plains so that it set them galloping and
stampeding right and left.
But next day, and for many days to
come, the animals came 10 drink in
peace and safety. The monster python
was lying mangled and dead. all twisted
up in knots, and there was no lion at
all-at least no recognizable lion, only
something crushed almost to a jelly. that
might perhaps by a great stretch Of i'm
agination have once been king of beasts
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16
The Same, But Different.

An artist relates that a newly he
trothed lover commissioned him IN
paint a certain secluded nook in the
rocks on the shore, because there he
had declared his passion.
The picture was painted. but before
It was done the lover said to the
artist:
"Of course, will see you through
on that picture. but my engagement
is off. and. naturally. it would be
painfully suggestive to me. If YOU
can sell it to somebody else I will
take another picture, and be extreme
ly obliged besides"
The painter assented TO the ar
rangement. but within a week his
patron presented himself.
It's all right" he announced. "Tu
take that picture"
Am l to congratulate you on the
renewal of your engagement? ?" the
artist asked
The other seemed a little confused
but quickly recovered his self-pos-
session, and laughed as he said:
We'll, not eXacF y; it was the same
place, but the girl was different"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16
Snap x
* Shots

Oh, Joy that comes and may not stay.
Shall then curse thee for thy
going?
Does dismal night make happy day
Less worthy of the knowing?
oh, Day that comes and may not bide,
Must all light fail when thou art
going?
After thy death at eventlde
win night time stars be glowing?
oh, JOY! oh, Day! that might not
Far in the East new dawn is glow
ing;
There needs must be another day
The other joy shall be knowing
Maiden Meditations.
If a woman is as old as she looks
before breakfast, a mans disposition
is much as it appears at the same
meal.
When a woman really begins to
criticise herself the result would sat
isfy her worst enemy; when a man
puts himself on trial the verdict is
usually FOR the defendant
Nothing seems more delightful to
most of us Girls" than to look so
adorable that Mister Man wants to
kiss US and then scold him roundly
for his impudence.
Don't be a mRrtyr-they never were
popular, and burning at the stake
used to be a favorite way of dispos-
ing of them,
Lillian LAUFERTY.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16

T r was the only water for very many
miles around. Indeed. so far that
many animals were obliged to Jour
ney ten miles TO it from out on the
plains. You would not have considered
il very tempting Nor should L II
looked like pale coffee as much as any
thing. But 1t was water. and there
was no other. When you came to re
member that the heat out in the open
at midday was such that had you gone
out without a sun helmet sunstroke
would have smitten you in a very short
time, you can grasp. perhaps. more
fully what the water really meant to the
swarming wild folk OF the region.
This day, however, something was
very much wrong. OF course. with it's
partly surrounding cover of giant.
spreading. euphorbia trees that looked
like great candelabra and bacbab trees
all matted together with vast vines
themselves often as thick as fair sized
trees-and dense masses of wait-a bit
thorn and mimosa, this water was not
a safe drinking place. That was not
the point, however. The fact was evil
dent that before the animals, both sin
ely and in large herds. had risked 1t,
whereas to-day they would not do so
on any account.
Nevertheless they wanted TO drink.
All about on the plain and under the
shade of the euphorbias and mimosas.
you could see them gathered. these
thirsty ones. Here was a herd OF beau
tiful striped zebras; there herd of that
odd, long necked antelope. the harte-
beest; farther on a party of quaint gnus,
looking like miniature buffaloes, loafed
together with dropping heads. and one
herd was made up OF mighty. long
necked CRATES.
Later. just as the light rain began to
fall, a tremor seemed to run through all
these gathered herds A lion in some
rocks about q mile away began roaring.
II was an awful sound. that deep sue
cesslun OF low, coughing, mighty grunrs,
booming out across the silent plain.
Every third night that lion had lain in
ambush there by the water and had
levied the terrible tax of the king Of the
African wtld-one antelope or zebra life
10 appease his hunger. And this was
The third night from his last xiii" He
was hungry again. and was coming for
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16

he gave vent to one wild warning
neigh and was off at full canter, the
monster bird of the desert racing along
side of him. well aware of what his
warning spoke. As the alarm the
gazeles flung up their heads. and with
out second hesitation gave an immense
bound, which was followed by bound
upon bound. calculated to confuse any
foe, And at the same instant the lion
sprang.
He had aimed for the beautiful buck
gazelle. but did not find him there AS
the lion sprang the gaEelle leapt, and
the two, almost passing each other in
mid-air as it were, landed again prac-
tically at the same time. but six yards
apart
l think the lion lost his temper. Cats
of all kinds generally get fearfully angry
If they miss their spring Anyway. the
lion, who possessed considerable speed
for short distance. gave chase in saw
age silence. He proceeded in a series
of mighty bounds, the gazelles now GO
ing away in long even leaps just ahead.
Suddenly he saw the leading gazelle
the old doe. give prodigious bound as
II Springing over something In her path.
Instantly each member of the troop on
reaching the same spot acted in a pre-
ctsely similar manner. leaping high over
nothing. just as you will see a line of
sheep do coming out of a gateway. And
now you will know one of the reasons
why the habit which has been handed
down to our domestic sheep from their
wild ancestors, was formed
The lion knew nothing about these
things. He knew only that he had al
most caught his prey up and he landed
bang on the spot over which the gazelles,
even in full flight, had so carefully
sprung AS he did so. II seemed to him
as II he was coming down on the trunk
OF a tree which was lying stretched
across between two trees. right in the
path.
Next instant he was on his back. with
all the wind knocked out of him, and a
long drawn venomous hiss ringing in
his ears. The trunk of the tree was the
blotched and speckled body of an enro-
nous python lying full length in the
moonlight. and as still as only a snake
can be. 1t was well over rfteen feet
long. of tremendous strength. and was
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16
The Manicure
Lady
By WILLIAM F. KIRK.

kEVT THFRED is going with suf-
w fragette now" said the Man
icure Lady. He met her at
lecture on poetry and other pastimes
the other night, and I guess she must
be different from most of the suffra-
gettes that l have saw, because VIII
fred says she is a queen and that she
walks in beauty like the night. what
ever kind of way TO walk That Is He
don't call her hair hair at all, he calls
it her tresses. and instead of talking
about her swell lamps he says she has
Hmpid orhs. I have had a lot of ad-
mirers, George. but none of the gents
that ever shined up TO me called my eyes
orbs. That orb line of talk might
have went in the old days. but plain
talk and a good bankroll wins more Of
US trusting girls nowadays.
It's funny. George how love will diff
fer man. The girl a fellow loves can
make him change his mind quicker than
he changes his tie Wilfred used to he
fierce against the suffragettes. He wrote
battle hymn, he called it. for all the
men to sing, a kind of a bark against
women even hdIiHs 10 lNlHh VI ldNiuS
the sacred right of the ballot
II guess he didn't get no men to sing
II, but it was an awful banning for tho
girls that wanted to vote And the
time the suffra gettes had their parade
through the city not very long ago. Will
fred ran along with the rest of the cut
ups and roasted the walking women as
hard as he could. That was always
Wnfred's speed anyhow. and I told him
so that night when he got home all tired
and hoarse. and the next time he asked
me for a FIVE and turned him down fat.
well. anyhow, as I was saying. this
new girl of his has got him shouting
for what she calls the cause. and he
and father had a regular row at the
table last night. The old gent amt so
good talker as Wilfred, but he had
something on brother because he kept
all the time throwing up to Wilfred
how he used to knock the very cause
that he is plugging for now. There
amt much comeback to that kind of
arguments, and after a while Wilfred
shut up. The row all started over a
fool poem that Wilfred wrote last
night called Vote, Fair Woman, Vote
I brought it down TO read it TO you"
You didn't have to do that" said
the Head Barber
But please listen, George" implored
the Manicure Lady ON the level, this
is so bad it is good. Listen:
Vote, fair woman vote!
That right must not be denied to
you.
Men try to trample on thy throat,
And often they have lied to YOU
From where the vast Pacific rolls
To where the Atlantic holds each
boat.
Let us shout this cry, a million souls,
Vote, fair woman, vote;
vote, fair woman vote!
There is no reason why YOU
shouldn't,
Gladly would l take off nv coat
And work for you only couldn't.
l have so many tasks to do
The same as any well known poet.
But this 1 ever shall sing to you:
Vote, fair woman, votey"
did he read that to his new grip"
asked the Head Barber.
Il think So" said the Manicure Lady
She wasn't to home when he called
her up this morning"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16
Wonder What He Got.

Sure. Casey was a fine fellow"
He was that A fine fellow, Casey"
And a cheerful man"
"A cheerful man was Casey-the
cheerfulest man / ever knew"
Casey was a generous man too. d"
Generous, YOU say. Well, l don't
know SO much about that Did Casey
ever buy you anything"
We'll. nearly One day he came
30 Flaherty's barroom where me
and my friends We're drinking, and
he said to us: Well, men. what are
we going TO have-rain or snow?'"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16

in the back
the strain Day by day the elbows suppehey
accommodate strengthen themselves
So the mans talent right up" his
insistent call urge behind
these two human beings the biggest
baby and love of him.
He drives undered people lives Drives
under the impulse the man stems
the him the woman
feeds fororr kitten
baby ancient uds have
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16
Do You Know

The Oldest royal dynasty in the world
is that of Japan. which goes back I'M
broken . 500 years.
Telephone operators in Egypt are re-
quired TO speak English, French, Ital.
ian, Greek and Arabic.
The pulgat, a Burmese measure, is the
only foreign measure exactly CORE
spending to our inch
The queen bee lays 200 eggs day
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16

healed The
and he needed because enough
greatest the sweetest of themselves
under lash.
This pcure-untl thnk-seems mild and
Paradsa bssu Of
work But harness is all he to one
another they KNOW
lovely around them painted nv
the spurrngcy the babvsb
BRINKLEY
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16
Advice to the
Lovelorn
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX.
LET YOUR PARENTS DECIDE.
Dear Miss Fairfax

IIVaI MISS It III Tx.
! have been keeping company
with a young man seven months.
We love each other dearly, and
have agreed 10 marry. His pa
rents have consented, but mine
refuse on account OF his national
ity. What would you advise me
10 doZ D. K.
For the present let your parents
control the situation. You do not give
your age, but you owe obedience 10
their wishes and consideration. no
matter how old you are.
am sure If you will consider their
desires they will be fair enough to
consider yours.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16
CERTAINTY.


Dear Miss Fairfax:
The other day ] was in a music
store waiting for mother. Soon an
old school acquaintance came in
for some music. lie asked me to
have a sundea with him. ! had
known him only a short time. but
he had made himself quite friend
ly. He was a good friend OF my
brother. Was IL proper to aC-
Cept? PERPLEXED.
He offered you only a friendly cour
tesy. and it would have been squeam
ishness to refuse.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16
Wall A FEW YEARS.


Dear Miss Fairfax:
I am 10 and am in love with a
girl two years older / have been
going with her for the past year
and she informed me that her pa
rents dislike me on account of me
not being from the country. Kind
~ let me know what to do In this
matter as | like the girl and my
love is returned. A. w.
Their objection is not very serious
for the reason that If they gave theii
consent, marriage, for boy Of 10, is
out OF the question. You will be
young enough to marry when you are
20 or more In the meantime, de-
vote yourself so zealously TO making
man of yourself and be so faith
full to your love that their objections
will be overcome
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16
FORGIVE HIM THIS ONCE.

Dear Miss Fairfax:
l am 10 years old and | am in
love with a young man two years
my senior.
! have never allowed him to
kiss me, but he kissed me un-
awares the other night
Should | drop him or grant his
pardon? KATH
l am glad IL was unawares. ! don't
want you to kiss him until you are
engaged.
Forgive him, but cont grant him
pardon so lightly. He will feel free
to offend again.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-16

IERE Is the driver Il baby your
house. He drives with rOseleaf hand
= = "The hand of steel snken glove"
Of all drivers because he pods
little driver whom Tad pictured few
labor day between
and his matter how they
begins dream and for the
calamity through the little gng and efforts
make big this and
mighty whip daes and abo his
lengthens touch his elbows
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-12-29
THE EVENING TIMES.
"Y TO OBSERVE
new YEARS DAY
Big Program Marks Inaugu-
ration of 1914-Varied
Features Offered.

Many activities L being planned
for the observance Of New Years day.
Aside from the plethora of watch
night parties, which will be held We'd
nesday night. there will be several at
fractions on New Years day.
The Commercial club will hold its
annual open house on New Years day.
The hours will be from 10 a. III. to / D
III. The old members are urged to
visit h club o and meet the
members who have affiliated with the
organization during the past year.
\ bowling tournament will be held
at the Y. NJ. c. A. New Years after
noon. 1t will be a; three-cornered telc-
graphic meet between Fargo. James,
town and Grand Forks. The results
will be telegraphed to Fargo and the
winner of the meet determined by a
special committee.
The same day the Y. Nj. c. A.. bas-
ketball team will leave for Bemidji to
play the Athletic club quint of that
city.
Thursday night. there will be a large
dances and SocialS.
ever, will be given Wednesday night.
when local residents will help ring
cut the old. ring in the new" Many
of the churches will hold special
watch night services, while several
of the young peoples organizations Of
the various denominations will have
watch night" parties.
The Elks will give II of their pop
ular dances Wednesday night. and
the guests Of the lodge will dance out
the old year.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-12-29
THIRD Term will
BEGIN next week
=. --
O'Leary Regime Soon to Be-
gin Another Two Years
Administration.

The second term of the O'Leary adj
~ministration closes this week, and
next week the same regime begins its
third successive term. When the city
council meets in regular monthly ses-
sion one week from tomorrow night,
the elective officers will take their
oaths of Office and the appointive Of
Ulcers will be named.
At that time, Mayor O'Leary will
read his message, In which he will
recommend a number Of important
things for consideration during the
next two years.
When the council sits next week,
there will be several changes in the
personnel Of the city. officials. Aaron
Brown, who served the city as Its
third mayor. will succeed James Nc
llraith. who has been city treasurer
for a number of years. C. A. Bydal
will succeed Frank Tester as alder
man Of the Third ward. Mr.. Bydal
has served in a similar capacity be-
fore, and consequently the work will
not be new to him. r. A. Blair, one
will succeed Galusha Purcell as spe-
cial municipal Judge. The only city
official who is not a member Of the
O'Leary party is. Alderman Pat Liston
OF the First ward, who, at the last
election, was reelected for his third
successive term.
At the forthcoming meeting. Mayor
O'Leary will announce the police ,ap-
p6intments. There have been q
number Of rumors regarding changes
In the police force, but it is generally
believed that the roster will remain
the same.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-12-29
SIX SONS are PALLBEARERS
Funeral OF Silas r. Bursctt Held at
Orr, and Burial Takes Place
at lnkSter.

The funeral Of Silas T. Burgett Of
Orr. n. D., whose sudden death oc-
CURED at Long Beach. Cal, was held
last Tuesday at the residence of his
daughter, Mrs. w. l.. Bronson of Orr.
A large number Of friends and rel
atives paid their last respects to one
whose long life had beer replete with
honor and usefulness. His six sons,
Edward. Matthew. Fred. Frank, Viii
fred and Orr acted as pallbearers and
placed the remains in their final rest
ing place in the family plot at Ink
ster. n. D.. where in May. 1909. was
buried the wife and mother. Mrs.
Thomas Quinn Of Lethbridge. Alta.
and Mrs. w. L. Bronson of Orr were
the two daughters present, Mrs. o. j.
johnson of Castor. Alta, another
daughter. not being in attendance.
Mrs. ]. A. Lyons, Judge o. A. Viii
cox. both Of. Larimore, and James Fer
suson of Grandin, all life long friends
of the deceased and family, were pres
ent
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-12-29
May EXTEND Money CAMPAIGN
Probable That Y. NJ. G.. A. win Add a
Week II Enough Cash Is Not
Available January 4.

Unless the membership and finan-
cial committees of the Y. M. G. A.
succeed in raising enough money to
finish the year on a sound financial
basis. the books OF the association
probably will be kept open a week
still has $3.50 Of the necessary $500
to raise. The financial committee has
not reported since Friday, but it is
said that they are meeting with con-
siderable success in securing subscrip-
tons.
1t is expected that the annual
meeting Of the association will be
held about the middle Of January.
The board will meet the second Tues
day in the month to make prepara-
lions for the gathering.
CITY
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-12-29
AT THE

FREDEE1Ck-R. s.. See. Milton:
Russell Allen. Bismarck: Alfred Len
Petersburg: +. Shirley, Edin-
burg: c. III. .Anheicr. Fargo: Olline
Dakkel. Reynolds: j.. &. Kelley. Graf
ton.
DACOTAH-D. Flamwell, Grafton:
j. H.. Lowe. Pembina: Howard Ma
her. Devils Lake: David Mills. Park
River; j. w. Lorne. Nash: .. Bursett.
Orr; c. f. Tomse,. Bismarck; f. ..
Henry, Lakota; q. W. Barton, Lang
don: Lewis Hart. Fargo; L. Wal.
strom. Park River; Frank Helt, Park
River. '5'
NORTHERN-Mr.. and Mrs. He,
johnson, Edinburg; Oscar Crime,
Northwood; Mrs. E. O. Crime and
Mrs. Halverson, Eortlwood: Mr.. and
Mrs. Nels Svenson, Edinburg.
lMPERIAI-I. W. Pogne, Wales;
S. Esselburn, Fargo; T. a. Miller. st,
Thomas; w. \. Wright, Mekinock;
Fred johnson, Grafton.
COLUMBIA. 1. Gordon. Hatton;
T. Q. Thompson. Fairdale; Christ Ell.
mind, Milton; j. A. Halverson, Willis.
ton: W. H. Allen, Fargo: Ida Zoe,
Larimore: Fl .Lyche, Mayville.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-12-29
.DURAND TO Be At FARM SHOW
Former Director OF United states
Census Bureau to BE One Of the
Speakers at Crookston.

e. Dana Durand, former director of
the United States census bureau, will
be one Of the speakers at the farm
crops show, which is to be held in
.crookston early in February G. q.
selvig, superintendent Of the north
western agricultural school 1t Crook
ston, received word to this effect to.
day.
Mr.. selvig, who is in charge Of the
arrangements for the show, declared
today that 1t will be one of the biggest
winter agricultural expositions held In
northern Minnesota. The show man
agement 10 offering over $4,000 in
prizes, and they expect an unusually
large number Of exhibitors.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-12-29
81 EAST GRAND FORKS n
News From Our Mfnnegota -
Ncighborp
MEETING TUESDAY
Special session of Mendenhall Memo.
rial Church to be Held at Giles
Hall.

Tomorrow night. at Gies' hall, an
important meeting Of the Mendenhall
Presbyterian church will be held. The
question Of building a new and larger
edifce will be discussed at that time.
At two special meetings of the ses-
sion last week, the question of erect.
ing a larger church was discussed at
length. At the second meeting, 1t wa
decided to call a special church meet
ing. at. which time the session will rec
ommend that a larger building be
erected.
Yesterday morning church services
were held in the Commercial club as
sembly Arrangements have
been made for securing the old Zeid-
Xix store building, and, beginning next
Sunday. services will be held there
until the church is able to get into its
ow nstructure.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-12-29
WARDROBE Spends Day in City.

Attorney Vic WARDROBE Of Leeds,
the we'll known Benson county legis-
lator and politician, spent Sunday in
Grand Forks the guest of friends.
Benson county reports are to the ef-
feet that Mr.. WARDROBE may again be-
come u candidate for the legislature,
and in the event that he is elected, he
probably will be Al candidate for the
speakership. He made a fight for that
position last year. and though unsuc-
cessful. put up IL good contest.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-12-29
SALOONkEEPERS TO Be TRIED
Seven local Dealers, Who We're Ar.
rested Last Week, to be Arraigned
Tomorrow Morning.

The seven East Grand Forks ga
l"oonkeepers, who were arrested last
week on charges Of not giving custom
ers full measure, will be arraigned for
trial in municipal court at 10 o'clock
tomorrow morning. The charges
were made by o. H. Lindh. deputy in
spector Of weights and measures. The
saloonkeepers arrested are J.. w. Lo-
gan. Joseph LaBoda. Ole Olson. Har-
ry Oppedahl. Harry Harm, G. s. Reed
and r. e. Hatch.