The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1913-04-11
DUMPING INTO IT
Two Grouches That Counted fol
Naught With Dan Cupid on
the Job.
BY cLAUoINe sIssoN.

sY cLAUDlNE slssoN.
Mr.. Charles Darrow was twenty-six
years old. and carried a crouch.
Miss Evelyn Tyson was twenty-five
years old and carried another crouch.
Mr. barrow had an income that en-
aSled him to loaf around and call him
self sculptor.
Miss Tyson had an income that en-
abled her to idle mot loaf around and
call herself . landscape painter.
Mr. Darrow's crouch arose from two
causes He could not sculp for
shucks. and the public knew 1t and
he knew it, He had rich uncle who
was going to leave him lot of
money when he died. but he meanly
persisted in hanging on and even
growing fat over it. As soon as he
pegged out and the yellow.backs
were turned over. then the sculptor
would sculp no more.
Miss Tyson's crouch also arose from
two Causes. She had rich aunt who
was going to leave her a jolly lot of
cash when she became an angel, but
that aunt went right along being sat
isfied with this sad world instead OF
taking the slightest step towards
helping herself to climb to azure
heights and begin her lessons on the
golden harp tagged with her initials
and waiting for her As soon ~ that
money was hers she would cease to
paint and tell the public to 90 to the
secondhand stores for its Corots
One morning. early In this twenti.
eth century and the reign Of graft and
virtue Miss Tyson aw0ke with .
hunger for fried eggs. As she had an
apartment and a cook and . maid
and q dozen eggs under her artistic
thumb. all she had to do was to send
word to the kitchen that she wanted
fried eggs for breakfast, and she want
ed them fried hard. and that II there
was any throw-d0wn about It some
one would lose her job.
Alas for poor human nature! 1t is
always wanting somebody else's eggs.
Miss Tyson's longing was not for the
eggs In the house. but for those out
of tat a restaurant three blocks
away. It was raining. She didn't
care snap She would have to wear
q raincOat and carry an umbrella
She didn't care two snaps. Her ar
tistic soul cried out for restaurant
fried eggs-eggs that had emerged
from cold storage nests after year
of rest-and that soul should be salts
fed.
Mr.. barrow had slept we'll and
dreamed that his Obdurate uncle had
turned up his toes at last. Therefore,
he awOke hungry. Therefore, he
found himself craving for sausages
pork sausages. homemade country
sausages made by Aunt Mary and
brought to town by Uncle RUDE,
b'gOsh.
Mr.. barrow had studio and a valet
and kitchen. That valet could cook
ham bone in seventeen different
ways Just sleepy nod to him and
he would have assembled the fire es-
cape like a monkey and been back
In five minutes with dozen sausages
gently linked together so that none
might stray But no Just as Miss
Tyson wanted restaurant eggs. Mr..
barrow wanted restaurant sausagcs.
and he would have them or perish,
With ruhbers and raincoat and UNI
brcila he set ont at almost the same
moment Miss Tyson did
She was intent upon fried eggs
He was intent upon fried sausage
He carried his umbrella tipped for
ward ~ shelter his toes.
She did The same
They were coming hcadon. and
they met Two umbrellas we're put
out of commission. and one girl artist
was compelled to sit down in the
mud on the crossing.
Madam. II was your fault"
Sir. it VAS yours"
You don't know how to carry an
umbrella"
Its you that should take lessons.
not only in that. but in manners as
WELL"
'YOu-yOu b,,mppd into me-"