The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-10-21

NA'StoonS.
Pictures were thrown down, crock
cry and furniture ratified about. In
inc midst of the tumult the mistress
went to the head of the stairs and
called out in a resigned tone.
Lizzie, what are you doing
\ Judge was trying 4 case recently
ana was much disturbed by Il young
man Who kept moving about in the
rear of the room. liftins chairs and
looking under things.
9"ung man, the Judge called out.
1T seems to me that YOU are making
q great deal of unnecessary noise.
What arc YOU DOING"
Your honor" replied the young
am tryinc to find it"
We'll" said the Judge. II have seen
people lose whole suits in here
without making the disturbance o
are"
When Willie's father came home to
supper there was a vacant chair at
the table.
Well. where's the boy:"
William is upstairs in bed" The
answer came with painful precision
from the sad faced mother.
Why. wh-whst's up: Not sick, is
he" Can anxious pause.1
lit Srieves me TO say. Robert. thai
your son. your son--has been heard
swearing on the street. / heard him"
Swearing" Scott. Ill teach him to
swear And he started upstairs in
the dark. Halt way up he stumbled
and came down with his chin on the
top step.
When the atmosphere cleared a
little Willie's mother was saying
sweetly from the hallway: That will
dc dear. You have given him enough
for one lesson"
tn" penurious was talking
ia her maid. who had been with her
three weeks.
Lizzie: I'm sure we have treated
9 AS enc OF the family"
"1ndade. an YOU have. ma'am, an
I've made up me mind not to stand
ii any longer"
southern states an old mountaineer
was called as witness. The defending
lawyer was croSs-exanining him.
You say. you saw this murder
comm;t,edc:"
YES
How far were YOU from the spot
where i, took place."
coul Il quarter Hll:e.
What time was it when this deed
was done"
Bout half past s."
On the date this murder was sup
posed TO be committed it would be
almost totally dark. and you mean
to say you could see distinctly what
happened at that time at a quarter
nt A mile distant
The old nlountaineer shuffied his
foos ~horraI i,ie mid and ctrotchoA
oh. WE'LL" he said. as he started to
cave the witness chair, Il don't give
q gol darn about this trial. anyway"
-E%verybody's Magazine.
The proprietor OF the leading drug
store i'll a small Kentucky town was
coming out of the front door of his
place not long ago. when a small boy
came tearing around the corner at
top gait with his head down and
butted sanare]y into him.
HEY. kid" demanded the drug.
gist. Whats the NATTER"
Y mtrEing to keep two boys from
Eettln INTO a fight painted the young
ster. "
druggist. ~ ''e
I'm of 'em."-ssturday Even.
Manager Of Shoe Store--"I've tried
my pest to attract the women to this
pace n they simply won't come"
Salesman-"No wonder. Your sign
aueers the trade" 10"
Manager fhestedly) What is
wrong with the sign" "
salesan-"1t reads: The Biz Shea
store -Lippincott's.
Down in GAINESVILLE. where I used
V Yo,n i've, relates DR.. washburn
more respect for that mule than for
any man. white or black. Billy claim.
sd mat tho animal could do anything
put talk. and that he didn't talk he
cause he understood the sunerior
of keeping still.
ell, one day that mule was lost
straSed or stolen. Uncle Billv near.
~ mao a f1t. He searched diligently
All day long and at the n ~ the
day he was about ready to lie DOW
and die. \ friend tried to helm hin,
Uncle Billy he said, why don't
you advertise for that muleo'
'Whvn't A what?'
ADVERTISE. Put a piece in the pa-
per saying that he's lost. That will
nring him back if anything will
Uncle Billy laughed for the frs.
time hat day. "
White man. he said, between
chuckles. Dat mule er q powah}ri
Smal1t alimile he suah are-but