The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1913-03-15
AN AESTHETIC
WIDOW
By M. QUAD
Copyright, 1913, by Associated Lit
erary Press.

Mrs. Abigail LOngbody was woman
living in the town of Farmdale. She
was a widow. She was almost six
feet tall and weighed nearly 200
pounds. The Widow Longbody had a
female friend over at Clover Hill, who
had becoTae aesthetic. She saw beau
ty in the despised sunfower. She pal
plated when she saw catnip growing
She raised her eyes to heaven over
burdOcks and pigweeds. At the first
go off the widow laughed about it, but
when seriously informed that it was
the thing to do she adopted it.
Deacon Tracy, widower, had been
counting the widow and had almost
decided to pop the question. He had
dropped in and was just clearing his
throat to say something that the world
has forever lost when she stopped him
with
Deacon, you look like a fright with
those whiskers, and l hope you will
have them hoed off before you call
again.
Hoe off these ere whiskersw he
exclaimed in amazement. by gum,
but do you know what you're talkin'
aboutT'
Then for mercy's sake get them
dyed! The color CRATES on me!'
I'D like to see myself feedin' dye to
them whiskers. Anything else on your
mind?"
You drag your legs when you Walk
II do. eh? l remind you Of an old
knee sprung horse, do I? WAL l kin
drag them legs right outer your house
and take my whiskers with EN-
Mr.. johnson, who bought butter and
eggs and shipped them away to the
city, had also an eye on the widow
Longbody. She always entertained him
very pleasantly when he called, and he
had begun to feel the rose of love
blooming in his heart. On what proved
to be his last call the widow queried
of him:
Mr.. Johnson, why don't you wear a
wig?"
IA wig?'
YES, a wig. You always sit with
your legs poked out like pair of posts
A man with such shanks as yours ought
to hide emr'
Il have been insuIted, woman. II
leave your house"
And have your eyebrows thinned
OUT was the widows parting shot.
In front of the widow Longbody's
home ran a stream they were pleased
to call Plug river. A bridge across i
had long been needed and talked of
and the county finally voted it.
Every bridge in the country district.
has always been painted red, if painted
at all. 1t was red for this bridge. TIL
widow was away for three days, ant
when she returned the bridge was hal
I painted,
p stop. stop! 1t cannot be, 1t shall
. not be- cried the aesthetic.
r Whats the kick" asked the ma
who had the work in charge.
I TT screams, 1t hOwls, 1t shrieks
, 1t murders harmony and kills the land
scape. I could not live here day wit
4 that red thing staring me in the face
p Ugh"'
O She was told that she would have t
/, endure it or move. Aestheticism wa
N all right when applied to sunfiower
t and bull thistles, but when it cam
:. down to red bridges that was q MAJ
ter of business.
"Oh, it is, eh?" was answered. Wei
, there's another thing that is a matte
y of business"
Along the western side of the tow
,, the widow owned a strip of land whic
" had a hill on tia hill and a spriny
- With her free consent the water wa
piped down from the spring to suppl
r many families and used to sprinkle til
:" streets When they refused to chang
\ the color Of the bridge the water r
fused to flow downhill The poop
N howled. but they were helpless. Aftt
week it was agreed that the aesthet
~ might name the color. She decided c
m a pearl gray. After a third Of Il
bridge had been covered she change
it to vivid green. Then she wantt
~ white with green trimmings.
ma NO more foolingr' was the decisiC
m OF the taxpayers when they realize
he that the widow Longbody might fina
" ly demand that the bridge be cover,
OF with gold leaf.
VERY we'll" replied the woman
an she prepared her second surprise.
al Her husband had opened street I
I'D his own convenience and had nev
ne decided it to the town. People hi
III bought sites and erected houses. TIL,
- suddenly found themselves fenced j
M When they went to the lawyers the
he gal talent hunted the matter up al
Y. replied:
"a IF you touch the fence she can ha
you arrested for trespass."
sts The town hated to be beaten by
y. woman and was talking about a b
'rk lawsuit when along came a lightnil
II rod man. He was Jim dandy of a ma
res He was a woOer from Wooerville. !
,,d talked and he wooed and he We
the In a fortnight he had won the widow
rrv heart and hand When this fact W
rumored the bridge committee call