The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-07-05
ABatch Of

Postof1ce clerk in country Office in
e Of Ireland-Here, your letter is
overweight.
Pat-Over what weight?
Clerk-1t's too heavy; you'll have
to put another stamp on it.
Pat-Yerra, get out wild your fool
in. Shure, II I put another stamp
on it, won't it be heavier still?
A ring at the telephone drew the
office boy.
Lady to talk to you sir" he said
to the senior partner.
The senior partner took up the re-
ceiver and stood at the phone for sew
eral minutes.
Then he laid the receiver down and
went back to his desk.
Twenty minutes latr he raised the
receiver, said a few words and pres
emily hung up.
Then he turned to his partner.
ut was my Wife" he explained.
She was still talking and hadn't
missed me-"
why, Bridget. you surely don't
consider those windows washed"
said the lady of the house, reproach.
fully.
"sure, I washed 'em nicely on the
inside, mum, SO We can look out" re-
piled Bridget. but I intentionally lift
thin a little dirty on the outside so
thin ignorant Jones children mkt
door couldn't look in"
A man travelling westward on
through express one day last week,
left his seat in the crowded dining
car just after he had ordered his
luncheon. He went to get something
he had forgotten in the Pullman.
When he returned. in spite Of the
fact h a he had left a magazine on
the chair in the diner. he found q
handsomely dressed woman in his
place. He protested with all the po-
likeness he could muster, but the wo-
man turned On him with flashing eyes.
Sir" she remarked haughtily, do
you know that I am Of the direc.
tors wives?"
MY dear madam" he responded,
III you were the directors only wife
1 should still ask for my chair"
A story is being told Of q couple Of
tourists in Spain who could not speak
the language, and, consequently, had
some difficulty in making known their
wants
One day they came to a wayside inn
and tried to obtain some meat-roast
beef, for choice. But nobody could
understand them,
What are we to do?" asked one Of
them despairingly.
Il know" said the other, a ray Of
hope appearing. I'll draw a picture
of q cow. Then they'll understand"
He made a rough sketch Of q cow,
put q "2" underneath It, and handed It
to the waiter, who instantly smiled
to show that he understood, and vent
of to execute their order.
A few minutes later he returned
with two tickets for a bullfght.
After living sixty years In the old
country, an old farmer found himself
more than q little "at De-" when he
decided to ross the briny on q visit
to his son in Canada. In his cabin
he felt q bit cramped, but he obviated
the lack Of space by slowing his trous-
ers and shoes into 2 round cupboard.
in the side OF the vessel on going to
beck. At Z o'clock the next morning
he made startling discoveries. Stew
ard" he cried, last night I put my
clothes in that there little press and
they Amt there now"
That amt q clothes press. saplied
the steward. srimly. "that's . port
hole. SIR"
/. A small pickaniny hsaved . jug ov-
er the counter to the grocer.
Nanny wante or dimes wuth er
lasses," she announced.
Knowing the family ways, the yro-
Ger was inQuisitive.
"aot yo' dime with you. san9' he
asked.
'Yas, sun"
Thereupon the grocer went below.
to the molasses barrel in the cellar. II
was q cold day. and the stream ran
slowly from the spigot, but he whist
led and stamped about for ten min
utes to keep up his Temperature: II
we'll az his courage. At last thu jug
was filled and his cold and lonely
vigil ended. He returned and heaved
the jug hack over tho counter.
"Lemme have 20 dime. Sally" he
said.
sally's eyes grew white ana wide.
Laws . mussy," she exclaimed.
"ef nanny amt gone an put dat
dime in Dc bottom Or DIT jug"
"TSa Thousand dollars m . aAt!.
he exclaimed. - No looked W from,