The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-03-07
JUST A PROFESSOR
And He Was a Dry Man, Outside
and In, Never Getting Ex-
cited.
BY BRYANT c. ROGERS.


Professor Bascomb was a dry man
very dry. He wasn't dry for want
Of water, lemonade, root beer or lager.
He could have quenched most any
thirst by stepping into saloon and
saying to the barkeep:
"Whewl Is this hot enough for you?
Set 'em up again, old man."
1t was that the professors attitude
was dry. He was dry outside and in.
He never got excited. A presidential
election was no more to him than To-
cal dog fight. He never gossiped. He
never took up frivolous questions,
such as the tariff on lamb chops. He
had few acquaintances, and those he
forgot to bow to half the time.
Professor Bascomb was just pro-
fessor. He filled the chair of natural
history at the state college at Iuka
and given the leg Of a grasshopper he
could tell in what period Of the world
he lived and died and why he never
got to be a clam or a coon.
On his arrival at Iuka the professor
was offered board and lodging and all
the comforts of home at the Wood
bine cottage at what seemed Fea-
sonable rate, and he installed himself
there. He didn't care about the name.
1t would have been the same to him
had the cottage been named the Ok
Tail Dive. He didn't care much about
his room. his food or his bed.
There was one other thing the pro-
lessor didn't care much about at the
Woodbine, and that was Miss Joy Mar
ton. Miss Joy was thirty-seven years
old and still heart-free. She and her
mother owned the Woodbine. They
made It rule to take one gentleman
boarder from the college, and every
time the old boarder went and new
one replaced him the town gossips
predicted that Miss joy would succeed
in her fall designs. That is, Of course,
she would lasso him and lead him to
the matrimonial altar
While Professor Bascomb was dry
very dry-Miss Joy was girly and
httenish and romantic. She wanted
to read and talk of knights and chew
alters and squires and danes and abb
Quoted maidens. Professor Bascomb
wanted to talk about the dodo and the
mammoths. Where was the common
ground?
Miss Joy wanted to read and weep
over "The Sewing Machine Girl"
The professor wanted to catch and
examine the hearts and lungs of bats
and crickets. Why. If they met on the
street the professor was as apt to ad-
dress her as Mrs. Perkins or Miss
Schemerhorn as by her right name
They did not lack more than a mile
or two of being as far apart as the
Poles.
Without admitting that Miss J. ever
had any designs upon the professor, 1t
may be stated that at the end of six
months the girl mused to herself:
II give him up. He is impossible
He will never come within 40 rods of
being hero. He would see rats eat
me un and not come to the rescue"
All of this was very natural in a
weary old maid
Three or four days later at the din
ner table. where the professor seldom
spoke at all. he suddenly said:
II see that there is to be circus in
town"
Clasps of astonishment from mother
and daughter. Clasps that there was
to be circus, and gasps that the pro-
fessor had referred to It..
"And l think we'll attend"
Clasps OF the gaspingest kind.
"Yes. want you both to go with
me.
Had Professor Bascomb suffered a
sunstroke? The women turned pale
as they looked from him to each 9TH
er.
81 don't care much about the circus
part of It, but L should like to study
the animals. particularly the lion. Per