New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-04-24
AS | WAS SAYING

Here is richness. That dauntless traveller and
philosopher. l.. p has a great light and re-
fleets the by postcard Reaching San Fran
cisco dashed to bookstore, purchased school
geography and read: United States-a comicai
little second-rate power, much laughed at by call
fornans; nevertheless, quite source of free board
in time of earthquake"
With the press devoted so exclusively to vice in
all its forms. not surprised to hear from
the Vice President. who remembers his promise OF
four years silence. and speaks freely. Yet we do
not agree with him when he bids the lawyers take
the part Of a known criminal. but only to see that
justice is tempered with mercy" This would dis
gust known criminals and bring lawyers on the
town for support
What constitutes a known criminal? His confess
sion? Nay nay, Every criminal, however inno-
cent wants his lawyer to activity. he IS
like the gifted Hbernian who said OF his conun-
drum: 1T really stork. but said it barked ike
= dog to make IT harder" So your most stain
less criminal will whisper his legal adviser. Be
cve me kid. / done the deed
And when this paragon of virtue is hailed to court
what happens? Up hops hostile attorney. VINO
charges him only with all the crimes in the
Decaogue but with har-snipping, rebating. Futur-
ism turkey -trotting resisting arrest and entering
subway cars at rush hours through the ventilator-
til the poor soul is about die seventeen successive
deaths instead Of one To prevent which his own
lawyer must prove him a sublimated angel Of light
Thus only are Judge and jury enabled 10 dispense
with justice in an eyen-handed way by believing
neither
II was nice Of Secretary Daniels to think up this
glorious Mediterranean boat ride for our jackes'
and yet. considering the circumstances. what an in
suit to Japan.
Speaking Of the delightful individual who valued
INVESTIGATION because then he knew so much some
highly entertaining psychology goes with this.
While alcohol appears 10 rouse mans thinking
powers merely puts TO sleep his powers of in
tellectual self-criticsm Ideas seem wondrousy
awakened because counter ideas lie snoring. So,
Just when he feels most worthy Of the academic
purple-Ph. D. and all that-the appropriate wear
for chap in his state is nehte. OH sad vexa-
tous thought, 1t is enough to make one thoroughly
cross alcohol Indeed II had precisely that effect
on the odme sage who wrote in his wrath: Wine
IN mucker"
Once again comes that ancient and dodderng
gument about the increased output Of gold. owing
TO the heaps and heaps OF gold hand it is next
to impossible TO purchase hash. AS II hash had not
also increased, II has. and the economists who
shout so entertainingy about the increased output
Of gold have hash their tables three times
and lucky to get that.
II turns out that the American Can Company is
making 2UD.0OOOOO tin per annum and that
our Landscape painters much annoyed empty
cans are difficult 20 render sympa theticay and
with the right feeling. For long time inventors
have been seeking way utilize these details
of American scenery. and wish could assist.
but unfortunately there not enough dogs. and
many Of those available not such one can
tie to.
Let us now endeaVor To interest the ladies:
Cubist sofa pillows have in, and with these
eyes we have seen them. II is predicted that the
next innovation will be- Cubst mattresses which
recommended AS an effective substitute for in
somnia
70 our taste the single breasted coat-tails the
pretes
Despite sensational dispatches from Atlantic city.
the bathing dress will remain as before Beautiless
when dry. hideous when wet and neither modest
nor imnodest ii is saved by it's unpractcaity
/ d. YVES. you will find the vacuum cleaner
very useful in going through his pockets. But YOU
must be finn afterward
Mr. Martin is quite right in his contention that
| professional women need wives. but how few men
apply for the position
Personally. distrust the report that the mill
tans are about 10 set up provisional government,
and vet we do not wish TO be dogmatic Almost
ANYTHING may happen. the internal feminine Is
intoxicated with success and has grown so
much holder since its abduction of MIR. Miller.
r. l.. H.