Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1913-03-07
At the End Of the Rainbow.
GREAT INVENTION.
by Walt Mason.

This is the age of great inventions,
madam remarked the stranger, as he
began to open his grip. Think of the
wonders which now contribute to the
comfort of our everyday livesi The
wireless telegraph the Maxim ST.
If you are selling Maxim snencers..
said Mrs sCurfew, II wish you'd sell
one TO the family next door, and ask
them to put it on their phonograph.
They have an old tinpapny phonOgraph
that they must have found in an ash
barrel and they keep it going all day.
long, playing Only a Pansy Blossom
which song was threadbare when was
a little girl. I've asked the woman of
the house. time after time, If she wouldn't
put on another record. but she tells ME
to mind my own business, So, as said
in a previous chapter. if You can sell
her one of your silencePs can write in
my memoirs that I saw one agent who
went about doing good" -
Il am not selling sileneers, madam. I
was merely enumerating the great sci
entific triumphs which make life in the
twentieth century a luxury, and was:
about to say that the greatest of these
triufhphs is Prof. Donneiblitzendorfer's
combined sausage suffer and coffee
grinder. It's the greatest labor-saving
invention ever offered the public You
fasten it to the kitchen table with this
little set ecrew-
won I IaSten IL To the Kltcnen- table
with that little set screw or any other
little set screw, and I'm surprised that
a man of your years would be engaged
in such trifiing occupation. As for
Your Prof. Thingumbob, if he really is u
scientist and an inventor he should know
better than to send dissolute strangers
over the. country Fostering busy women
and talking about set screws. 1t isn't
more than three months since this house
was made place of mourning by an
Ton ole rio
grinder. That was to be fastened to the
table by a little set screw, the same as
your abominables continuance, and then
il was connected with the electric light
bulb. and would go ahead grinding meat
like everything.
The day we got it several school
teachers came TO the house to consult
MIR Curfew, who was a member of the
school board. and they stayed quite late.
so we invited them to remain for supper.
/ told my husband that the only thing I
could have on such short notice was
hash. sand said he might go into the
kitchen and grind UP the meat while |
entertained the company. He was glad
of the chance to try the new machine,
so he went to work at once.
1t was getting dark, and he was SO
interested in that patent electric grinder
that he didn't stop to turn on the light,
and the consequence. was that his whis-
kers got into the hopper of the machine
and pulled his head down against the
hopper, and the disturbance he created
was sin and shame. / rushed into
the kitchen with the teachers, and hope
I'll never again hear such language as
Mr.. curfew was using. The teachers
were greatly shocked, and / heard one
of them saying that ii was a scandal
that such "A man ever was elected to the
school board
"Well, II was easy to stop the machine,
but We couldn't make it go backward SO
Mr.. Curfew could get his whiskeis out,
and there he was. damned up against
that iron CONTINUANCE. l sent for the
plumber; and 1t was an hour before he
came, and all that time Mr. Curfew kept
saying things unfit for publication, and
when tho plumber did come he was SO
overcome with idfotic laughter that he
could scarcely do a thing.
He began taking the machine apart
aud every minute or two he'd let out a
yowi of merriment, and then the teachers
all began to laugh as though they saw
something funny In the unfortunate mans
predicament, and ] could see that my
husband was fairly simmering with
wrath. When he was freed at last his
first act was to snife that plumber on the
nose and then the plumber hit him, AND
I never did see such a disgraceful up
rising.
so you can see how useless 1t is fol
you to stand here arguing about your
great invention.