The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1913-06-04
THE BEAR
THAT JOKED
BY M. QUAD
By M, QUAD
Copyright. 1913, by Associated Lit
erary Press.

the bars, and ! might have bacon In
my smokin' house but fur the darkies.
'Twixt the one and tother I'm driv.
en- to eat coon and possum meat most
OF the time. Dawg-gone bars and
dawg gone darkest"
The Arkansas squatter, having deliy'
cred himself of the above, filed his
corncob anew, drew several long puffs
and continued:
Everybody knows what taste the
darby has fur bacon, but you VIII meet
up with mighty few people who know
that a bar will face most any odds to
git hold of fresh pork.
aside from the pork question, the
bar is also smart in hevin' sense OF
humor. ! never heard one 60 haw,
haw, haw, but I've seen 'em wearin'
grin and feelin' tickled.
1T was one night about FIVE years
ago that bar come along at night
and took my pig out of the pen. ! was
lyin' sick at the time and couldn't git
out to shoot him, but reckoned he'd
hang around till I got show to git
even. <.
ut was a month befo' ] was out,
and then spring had come, and fur
was no good. All could do was to
play a joke on that varmint and make
him feel bad. / got some barbed wire
and strung it across the pen, and when
all was ready / killed a woodchuck
and dragged him around the pen and
throwed his carcass in. The old wo'
man seen what was goin' on and said
"'Jim, are yo' gwine to taDgle thai
bar up in that barbed wfreT
"eThat's what it's fur said |.
"sWhat yo' got agin himT
"'He carried off our hawg
"'That was bekase yo' was too lazy
to roof the pen In. | wouldn't do any
foolin' with that bar He cum loafin'
round we're the other day when 20
was away, and he looked mighty Sc
rious and solemn He amt no critter
to joke with
"But he'll hev to stand it jest the
same. II be gifts among them wires
he'll feel tickIed to death
z WAL said she, 'yo' go ahead, bui
I'm tellin' yo' that IL yo' joke with that
bar he'll cum out ahead Thars bars
and bars. Some goes in fur fun. and
some don't
THAT night about 'leven o'clock that
bar cum spookin' round. / was awake
and heard him sniffin', but kept quiet
till be climbed up the logs Of the pen
and dropped down inside. He knowed
woodchuck from hawg, of co'se. but
woodchuck was good nun for him jest
then If he saw them barbed wires he
took 'em fur strings. Leastwise he
leaped right down. and next mint he
was maxim fuss 'nuff fur three dog
fights. They heard him howiin' way
over TO Jim Tanners place. Lawd
sab, but 1t made my ha'r stand up to
hear him take on, But ! got on my
clothes and went out TO rub 1t into him
a little. Lookin' down into the pen,
called him hawg thief and lots OF
other names. and every time he roared
| laughed In his face. / jest poked fun
at that critter till ! was tired. How
the varmint got free and got out oil
the pen | dunno, but he was gone IN
the mawnin' Thar was blood and fur
all over the pen, and thar was fur scat
tered all round the yard, and / reck
on he'd had bad time of IT, That was
the last / seen OF that bar fur long
time--in fact. so many weeks had gone
by I'd clean forgotten him when l cum
home ON day and the old woman said
to me:
Jim, camp meetin' begins tomorrel
at Coon Greek. and we'll tote ourselves
over thar
TOO much shoutin',' said ].
"'Yo' never mind the shoutin', but
git ready
II didn't kser to go. but l didn't
want to fuss. and SO the next mawntn'
we toted along. We reckoned to stay
To- days, but on the second day the old
woman said to me: i
Jim, yo' member that bar 20
joked within
81 reckon
"'Ever seen him sencer
"'Noap.'
"Waal, I've had VISION. was
putin the beans over to cook while
listened to the preachin' when that
bar seemed to rise right up befo' me.
and he was GRIMM
what aboutr
"T couldn't say. but be was feelin
powerful good natured over sunthin
Don't yo' reckon we'd better 80 homer
what fur
ITO see II that varmint hain't bin
up TO sunthin' He may hev got the
cabin doah OPEN
II laughed at her fur spell. but |
she got so anxious that we finally sot
out fur home. We was still half a
mile away when a cloud of feathers
came hyin' through the air. and we
both groaned. When we got a little
nearer we saw the front door open.
and later on we looked In upon SIGH
scene as no cyclone ever left behind
That blamed bar had bin In the cabin
fur day or two. and he had fist claw
ed and scratched and bit and destroy |
cd TIL the fireplace was about the |