New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-04-19
AS | WAS SAYING

From Mr.. Hudson MaXims optimistic discourse
one might fancy that "A career Of invention yielded
true felicity. Whereas. Take MIR Edwin L.
Sabn's great invention. the reversible sonnet 1t
promised well. BY purchasing only the reversible
consumers could reduce their outlay for sonnets
one-half But nothing came Of it,
or. take that other great invention. the sawdust
blast for dishwashng. This has been before the
public for years. and no questions its practi-
cality. II sand cleans buildings. sawdust will
clean dishes and be rendered very nutritious 10y the
process so that it can be put the market as
breakfast food; yet the inventor is still poor Dur
ing the recent rainy season he was unable TO AFFORD
overshoes. However being inventor. he had re-
course to the prophylactc use Of qunine which did
just well
Guy Lowell" was our advice but IL has been
acted upon q great deal too cumboostrously one
may dissemble ones love for his cheeseboX Court
House without kicking b. downstairs Personally.
we object to Mr. Lowers conception not because II
is round and rbald and Roman. but because It is
unsympatheuc From this IT may recover. now that
1T has troubles OF its own.
As a resort for locomotives. Chicago enjoys
quite hilarious popularity. they come there at
the rate Of G3G a day; S79IS27G is what Chicago
spends annually washing up after them and look
al the darn thing now"
Speaking Of Mr. II. Helm clayton long regarded
as the coming Chief Of the Weather Bureau his
story interests us strangely. 1t is:
4 new neiehbor knocked at the door of the next
farmhouse and said TO the farmer. Good morning
Have YOU got a monkey wrench here"
no" said the farmer alphabetically; this Is
chicken ranch"
In a rash moment Mr.. g Bernard Shaw remarked
when man puts "a Formamnt into his mouth 10
XIII few thousand hacn he Is trying TO wipe out
the consequences Of old mistakes OF creation" Re-
peated in Formamint circles this caused great iubi-
lation We now see it enthusiastically reprinted
along with shaws portrait and promises to cure all
manner Of assorted and unassorted and assort
able ailments. Consequently MIR. s is I'm excellent
voice His article in the March "Ainse's' not only
waops three races but confcrs neat side slap
upon those long forgotten wise men who squabbled
over the spelling Of Jehovah party defending
the old form. the other preferring Jahveh. But not
even Fomamint goad SHAW into implying that
a present day theoogian would begin prayer. as
the venerable Erald did. 80 thou all-mercfu
Jahveh whom that consummate ass. Gesenus. calls
jehovah"
Looked in a fashion paper Saw editorial The
Origin OF ignorance" Thought Of Nh. George VIII
son Crockett Hil and how he iounced his babe on
his knee ana signed mOufniuUA, VINO could nave
forescen that "A man who had spent his entire life
studying would have such an ignorant child as
this"
What shall give for the poor asked Beverley
and Chubb replied Let ms give three cheers" But
the town Of Leicester. in England is more generous
II gives them air. An inspector comes and wakes
up the ,ndigent 10 make sure that they sleeping
soundly with the window open
Noticing this Mr. Chesterton is very indignant
Regards air as a matter Of taste, to be respected
such and says the subject IL Zone about which
gentlemen frequently fight in trains" True. but
how needless such warfare is. The air question In !
trains can be arbrated.
\ certain exceedingly English Miss r. accom-
panied to her train by oxford don, who called
the guard winked significantly. and said: Guard.
whatever this young lady tells YOU, you doi'
Much impressed, the guard put Miss II. into a
whose only other occupant was old
gentleman. After they had gone few miles she
opened the window. The old gentleman shut 1t. |
She opened IT, He shut IT, She opened It, He !
banged ii shut muterng. 81 don't like the manners
Of the rising generation" She opened IT again. OBJ
serving Don't see what they can learn from their
elders"
Just then the train stopped at station Miss II.
summoned the guard and said: TAKE inns old
gentleman out and put him in another compartment.
| cawnt be bawthered with him" And the guard
did r. l.. H.