New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-06-16
AS l WAS SAYING

We have never personally killed a soul, ana 1t
shocks U.S. rather, hear that a student IN vienna
has begun killing professors, though we shal s''Ne
70 avoid consciousness Like not il will turn out
that the professor was mathematician, and richiy
deserved the warning.
However we hope the massacre of professors VIII
be quite openly frowned upon IL only in the interest
of sport. This method, while perhaps more merchul
than most is brief fun at best, and we greatly pre-
fer the oxford ceremony, known as "screwing
dons oak"-n other words, mailing up his door, with
the don inside.
Several years ago young gentlemen at oxford were
so versed in the refnements of Wit that they naed
up an entire faculty We must add, though, that
this led TO a very pronounced coolness After oang-
ing and kicking for the space of thirteen unlucky
hours the dons took it into their heads that the
undergraduates intended kind Of afront 10
their dignity.
1t all goes back to Mr. Brandeis When he told
the railroads they could a million dollars day
they were at first furious then inquisitiVe' ana
finally in a mood to try II. Many and ingenious
have been their cunning little economies-such Tor
instance as giving a green engineer racing loco
motive With defective air brakes and a reversing
apparatus that dehed what strength he had
Clever, this and. of course noble, but we nave
done bit Of figuring and we find that, deducting
the cost OF the Junk destroyed and the sums de-
manded as damages. the net saving is hardly one
that a stakeholder would to crow about in the
presence Of his Maker.
And speaking Of railroads, it has come out that an
unwrtten law requires the burning Of wreckage be-
fore sunrise. So considerate, We once risked
tourney on barbarous Western road where less del
icacy obtained. and right in broad daylight observed
three sensational wrecks. That disturbed us. and
IoE4 bafp be
calm! be calm! said he This is nothing. Last
month We had nine wrecks in eight days" And In
fash we saw how useless were our worries.
II is still the open season Uncle Joe" Cannon,
has been since he let slip that dreadful re-
mark about equal suffrage. Now that have II in
Illinois" quoth he, 1T will be a good time for an
awfully handsome man TO run for Office"
Oh terrible indiscretion whole literature OF
counterblast and excoraton has piled up around
that dear man. so dense is the country's blindness to
Joke. Can't anybody perceive that our avuncular
friend was referring payfully and with rare humor
10 himself?
Ever mindful Of the photographers and their needs.
Mr.. Bryan has agreed TO carry his luncheon TO the
State Department in a dinner pail Wonderful the
forgiving nature he has, We should fancy full
dinner pail" would be positively abhorrent to Mr..
epsram: What is sixtane wan? Nahthing to
ate"
II Is being talked around that His Would-Be Maj
esty the Duke of Orleans, pretender to the French
throne but little better than he should be, and he
seems quite about It. The least criticism
noys him.
When that scandaous Queen Victoria cartoon came
out and the Duke wrote a congratuatory letter 10
the cartoonist, and the papers got the story, and
the Duke denied H. and the letter turned up and got
printed the sensitive fellow became indignant and
felt that he ought never to allow himself to visit
England again.
We have been reading truly remarkable book
which bids us tap those vast reservoirs OF power
which are within the reach Of ALL" Why, beloved.
this Juggling along in dowdy. contemplate insignia
canoe is sheer stupidity Buck up, and be a genius
potentate cyclone. a world beaten At least
fifty imprisoned sages giving the trick away.
and II you keep your face straight long enough
to get good, square look at them you will see how
triumphantly they have employed it themselves.
II. l.. Ii.