davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
YOU KNOW HIN

AOD hNOW HIN.
There is q man in our town
And he is full of prunes;
He has a rusty phonograph
And never changes tunes.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
There is a man in our town
Our goat for sure he's got,
He dumps all sorts of rubbish on
His vacant corner lot.
Allentown Democrat
There is q man in our town
Who helps mosquitoes breed
He owns a world of vacant lots.
And never cuts a weed.
Houston Posi-.
There Is a man In our town
Who robs us of our mirth:
He has an auto horn that sounds
Like nothing else on earth
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
AWAY UP.

He used to be at the top OF hls p4oles-
sion. but one day he fell and he will never
again occupy his former exalted position .
You surprise me. What was his posi-
tion?"
Tie was the apex of a human pyramid
with team OF acrobats."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
MEANINGLESS

ia, what does it mean when sign
reads, Practical Plumber Practical
Tailor or Practical Printer'?''
1T means. son, that a certain amount
of space was to be filled on the signboard
and the word Practical was used for that
purpose
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
mauid and solid Growth

1T happened that during my initial
visit to Birmingham the first steel-frame
building. the woodward, was being erect
ed, in 1901" said L. n. fIindman OF
Plttsburg.
Birmingham was then a comparatively
small city, but 1t was thought that there
would be sufficient demand for offices to
fill up the 10-story building. / have been
in Birmingham only twice since that year,
and 1 marvel today at the great advance
made within the past few years. This
has come to be a city of skyscrapers,
and the best of it is that all of them seem
to be pretty well filled.
'1f one had predicted Il years ago that
there would be as many great office
buildings here today as there are now,
the prediction would have been consid-
cred out OF the question birmingham
is evidently growing at q great clip, and
it will get into the next census with
probably 2500oO or 100000 population"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
YOU'RE NEXT.

YOU'RE NEXT
1 would were an artist!
'Twould fill my soul with cheer
For when / got a thirst on,
I'd draw glass of beer.
California Pelican
Still, I'd like to be a woodman
And walk the forests through,
And whenever l got hungry
I'd take q chop or two.
Princeton Tiger
The law would offer me more scope,
love the legal race,
With thirst and hunger could cope,
Just order up q case.
Michigan Gargoya
I think I'd rather be @ cop.
I really, truly do;
Whenever l got lonely
I'd pun q peach or two.
Nashville Banner
I'd rather be a doctor
And with the doctors stand;
I'd cut away, from day to dav
And charge to beat the band.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

New Jersey school teacher resigned
because she was not permitted to wear
tight skirt while on duty. A martyr ?
Yes, about as much a martyr as "Old
Bill'' Sulzer
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
A HARD JOB.

N'swhy does Blobster wear such tired
look all the timer"
Hes overworked"
"Nonsensel Blobster never works"
II mean he's overworled trying to
make sensible people adopt his point OF
view"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

Adolphus Busch left a large sum to
charity. but on. account OF the nature of
his business, great many thirsty NOR
tails would have looked upon him as a
anyhow.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
Az to Auditorium site

THE auditorium will be erected in one
OF the city parks-either Capitol park,
West park or East park; at least that
much has been agreed upon, I under
stand, by the commission" said a MEM
ber of the Chamber of Commerce.
''If there are no legal complications
which might spell delay Capitol park
will be selected, it being the most CEN
trail: but if Capitol park is not avail
able. West park viii probably be chosen.
1t is highly desirable that the commits
sion settle the matter of site shortly, for
no architectural design can be drawn,
of course, until it is known where the
auditorium is to be built If ground can
be broken between now and Christmas
We should be able to utilize the audi
torium by next May for some big event.
Many people have an idea that
an auditorium with 10000 seating ca
pacity would take up too large q pro-
portion of Capitol park. But the park is
4o0 by 600 feet, making 100000 square feet.
The auditorium would be about $50 by
200 feet-S0,000 square feet-which would
be only one-eighth of the area of the
park
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

The report that United States soldiers
owe s1,0oo,ooo for 1ewelry bought ON credit
seems to prove the existence of a. few
sweethearts at least, If not wives and
mothers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

book reviewer says that reading the
novels OF q certain successful author ia
like taking hypodermic injection. And
a shot like that costs anywhere from 81. %
to $3.50 at the bookstores.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

The political situation in New York is
considerably muddled, but whether heart
less or not the country at large is not
disposed to worry about it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

The Mr. Hennessy now standing in the
glare OF New York's iimelight is not the
Hennessy often spoken OF by Mr.. Dody,
but he bids fair to become as famous.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

Mayor Harrison of Chicago is said TO
be thinking of appointing woman chief
of police Don't suppose Jane Adams
would care to serve
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
sign Of n Big City

ct enjoyed the Barnum & Bailey pa
rade, but did not attend the show" said
an old citizen.
"The street pageant was the most elab-
orate I have ever seen. l asked many
persons whether or not they were going
to the show, and they all answered In
the negative; and yet vast throngs assem-
bled under the tents for both afternoon
and night performances. all of which
shows that Birmingham is q big city"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

new baseball play, written by a wom-
an, is described as ''sweetly pretty" Base
ball is no pink tea affair.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

y lawyer has discovered that the dyna-
mite plotters We're not legally. tried Well,
nobody should be particularly surprised.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

A Chicago man has been arrested for
writing love letters to Jane Adams. 1t
is marvellous what Form insanity sone-
times takes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

From the Popular Magazine.
Brinton Buckwalter. nephew OF George
b. Mcclellan. ex-mayor of New York,
upon leaving college thought he would
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
WHAT JANE GOT.

hat?'-Jane Adams.
How about the love letters of luna
tic?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

In regard TO Anthony n. Brady's S25.
check We are entirely willing to stand
a search.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
FORCED ATTITUDE.

You say he has philosophic bent %
Yes. Being broke, there is nothing else
left to him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

The White House wedding will be char
acterized by extreme simplicity. But it
win not be the Mutt and Jeffersonian sim
plicity.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

Thus far Mrs. PankhIrst has created
about as much excitement in this country
as the Fourth of July does in some parts
of England.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
ON HIS METTLE.

The true test of a man Is not what he
does on day when he's feeling clipper,
but the work he accomplishes on a day
when he wakes up, sick, blue and dis
couraged and everything he tackles goes
wrong. PAUL COOK
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
EXCITING

How we'll do L remember
1t was many years ago
The thrills that coursed along my spine
When ''Red Nike met his foe
And Ger the plain q pony ran,
His rider shot to death.
All, that was the kind of literature"
70 make one hold his BREATH
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

There is more owing her thnn n
paid; and more shall he pnid her '""h
she'll demand.
-AIrs Well That Ends een'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
LEARNING THE CAME.

General Banquet also Will be left out in
the cold.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
Words and saIesmanshIp

II was very mucn impressed ny w. y.
Holman's forceful article in the Octobe-
number of Systematic Magazine of Busi-
ness-entitled, Finding the Word That
Sells" said a man who takes an interest
in advertising; but the following pas
sage is the most striking I have read
for some time:
Words are almost living things
There are weak words and strong words,
pallid words and red-blooded words,
words that are dull and words that are
diamond pointed, words that soothe and
words that smart and burn like vitriol.
There are words as splendid as precious
gems, words as smouldering and beauti-
full as the eyes of sulen harem favor
lite. There are words as scorching as
fire, words almost incandescent with heat
and llght--words that seem to have
dropped kissing upon the page that holds
them. There are words as dreadful as
murderers, words that boil and swirl with
meaning dark as the black broth of q
witch's caldron.
q And SO in business there are all va
rieties of words for an advertisement
writer choosing. There are efficient
and inefficient words-words worn out
and commonplace. fiat as dish water.
words that have as little character as
the average insignificant face in the
crowd--strong, startling words that COM
pei attention as a man of striking per-
sonality draws the eyes of passers-by
upon the street. There are words az
shallow as pie-pan and as meaningless
as an idiots chatter-words packed as
tight with meaning as machine-pressed
cotton bale--words as evasive as eels--
words as straightforward and as direct
as musket Fireworks as plain as old
Dog Tray-words as pretentious as the
sweep of a peacocks train-words as
sweet and simple as q Nav morning. -
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31

Cornelia Barns in the New York World.
Z AVE You ever been to Turkish
bath party with q dozen ae-
/ i tresses? have. It's fun.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-10-31
FoREsAw BIRMINGHAM's FUTURE

from MuSlcal America.
Henderson, in the Sun, in very able
and interesting article on Paderewshi,
points out that he is very different man
as we'll as artist to what he was some
20 years ago.
''Paderewski, at the age of 30" says
Mr. Henderson, "when he first swept the
American public off its feet with the won-
drous beauty of his playing, was very
different man to the Paderewsh Of today.
While he still has the slim, upright figure
OF his youth, while his carriage is as erect
and his step as full OF spring as when he
first came to US, one can see In his faco
the changes wrought by years of. thought,
study and intense living.
Mr.. Henderson thinks that as the lyric
quality in Paderewski was emphasized
20 years ago, now one finds what might
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09
Before the Wedding

them in debt for her benefit II Is
prudent 70 make a list u what she
thinks she will need ana then cut Il
down 10 an exact limit
The very simplest wedding. with the
bride In travelling dress, and only near
relatives present, Is honorable and dig
rifed. either IN a church OF at the home
Of the brides parents Better is il 70
have a very few friends az a wedding,
and 20 leave home after informal con
Eratulations. and after having partakeu
Of simple refreshments, than to attempt
90 initiate elaborate and expensive func-
t.ons.
The bride chooses the wedding day.
1e ldes the question whether the we'd
cling shall be at a church or az home.
selects the clergyman who is TO perform
the ceremony and chooses her brides
maids The best man is chosen by the
bridegroom The ushers are friends of
both bride ami bridegroom
Lists are made careful. Of the friends
nj both families IN order that no omjs-
=5ous may ne made liz sending invita-
tons II invitations are TO he engraved
tuey are ordered a month IN advance,
and should he in readiness 20 be issued
two weeks before the wedding
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09

-HE only sort of wedding which is
consistent with true dignity IS
L planned so that the expenses may
not exceed what the brides parents can
afford Etiquette requires that the
brides family shall pay all the expenses
The cost Of the trousseau, invitations,
music floral decorations for church or
house. arrangements about opening the
church. carriages or motors for the
bridal party. marriage announcements,
marriage notices published fla the news
papers-au these things are paid for by
the brides family
The bridegroom is not allowed 20 pay
for anything but the wedding ring, the
bouquets for bride and bridesmaids. gifts
10 ushers and hest man and the fee 10
the clergyman He may have the priv
uege Of providing the carriage or motor
to take the bride and himself m the train
when leaving for the wedding j0arnes-
OF course. he provides tie conveyance
for the best mar and rssvf IN 20 o.
The church OF house fer the wedding
In all the welding Preparations 81 SEM
~Ibla and cons derate girl viii keep tae
expenditure for her rrnasseag strictly
within me amount her parents can give
ana uII never be so selfish as 10 involve
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09
Thought of Gordon,

In the calm and peaceful mountain
region, where the only sounds we're
those Of the wind through the trees and
the quiet hum of insects and the twit-
terlng Of birds. Mildred Deery had time
a. plenty for her inmost thoughts. At
odd moments perhaps to divert her
thoughts. she would pick up one Of her
many books her father had given her,
but nothing in the reading line seemed
TO interest her and her mind would 60
back to a certain tail, broad shouldered,
clean limhed young man she had last
seen borne away in the arms OF his
teammate And she thought Of the soft
brown hair of his head and OF his clear
cut features, and his charming smile
that displayed rows OF dazzling white
teeth, and Of his gentleness OF speech
and action and Of the hundred and one
ffue things about him that appealed
20 her They were happy thoughts. Are
not these the thoughts Of woman who
loves a man? She lonRed TO see him. She
I0uged TO go 10 him, yet that would be
unwomauly II was he that must seek
aer. II hs cared 10 do so. The thoughts
n that scene on the ball field troubled
her What could he have thought OF
{ ALL she wondered. An. well, some
hing told her. things would come out
All right
Her mother came and the days that
followed seemed 70 be the most delight
rll OF her life She roamed the woods
with Elmer. She whipped the brook with
her fyrod in her smart suit OF khaki.
-f.r
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09
CERTAINLY MOTT

TEAR MISS FAIRFAX:
- | am Is and I love young
man u years my senior This
young man loves me and has TOLD
me so. He is willing to wait
few years on account Of my youth.
DO you think the difference in our
ages is too great? F. r.
He is not too old for YOU The diff
fculty is not his years but yours. A
girl Of Is is too young to know what
love really is.
Tell him to wait, but don't bind
yourself to any engagement. In four
years, II you still love each other. you
can consider the question seriously.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09
You dirty, low lived skunk, - said Hamil.
you think ball players are?'

clutch in the back Of Gains collar Then
he ground his left fist into the nose of
his host-not a blow, but as a druggist
would grind q pestle into a mortar-and
followed this with a resounding slap on
Gains face that Jared the teeth Of that
individual Cain took Il without lifting
a finger A previous experience with
husky athlete had proved to him the
uselessness Of resistance.
You dirty, low-lived skunk" said
HamiL What do you think ann And
what do you think ball players are?"
He stepped out of the car Now get
the he'll out Of here" he Numbered.
and II you ever speak to me again, I'll
break every bone in your body"
The morose pitcher stood on the side
walk, while Cain put the car in motion
and sped away Then he started to
walk back TO his hotel. fun Of anger
and muttering TO himself.
AS for Cain. he drove at once to the
garage and retired to his rooms feeling
that he had made another botch in the
matter Of dealing with Gordon Kelly.
Instead of making progress in his cam
paign, he had received two severe set
blackstone at the hands of Kelly him
self and the other from Hamil, the
gloomy pitcher
Cain kept under cover for few days,
nursing his fancied grievances, and at
the end Of that time Kelly met with
the accident on the ball field Cain
was the only person who took pleasure
out Of that unfortunate occurrence. II
gave him a little leeway, as he thought,
TO get on good terms again with Mildred
Deery, whom he had not seen since the
morning Of the rainstorm. when his
car had so nearly run over Gordon
X pily
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09
Recognized Kelly.

When Cain saw in Gordon Kelly the
man who had caused him so much men
tai anguish, his thoughts reverted at
once TO the matter Of revenge Now
Cain had lived the thirty years of his
life in comparative peacefulness. Young
men Of his wealth and social position
seldom get into serious trouble Their
mode Of life and their environments
serve as a preventative against that
sort Of thing. Occasionally. IN a drum
ken moment. one Of them becomes i'm
bued with thu idea that he can whip
policeman. or something like that,
but a stIff fine in court next morning is
usually the end Of such an attempt.
Men Of Gains class spend most Of their
time seeking pleasure and there Is III.
tie chance, or opportunity, or occasion
10 look for trouble Aside from a few
boyhood scraps, which all boys have,
Cain had gone through life without hav-
ing q real fght Il is true he always
had his own way in everything, but
some men get that without having TO
fight for IT,
What happened between Forrest Cain
and Gordon Kelly could never have hap
pened between Forrest Cain and one Of
his own friends, but here was q stranger
who had crossed his path, brought about
misunderstanding between Mildred
Deery and himself. and Inundated him
out on that lonely. rain-soaked road.
Gordon Kelly must be made 20 see that
he had tackled the wrong man That
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09
Story for Baseball Fans Interest
Euuy Lur@ he iona
SYNOPSIS.

Gordon Kelly, a young man from
the mountains, who says that he
never played on any baseball club
and that he has never seen a game
In his life, induces Manager Bill
Smith, of the Atlanta club, 10 give
him try-out. At batting and field
ing practice he creates a sensation,
The Atlanta Georgian prints a whole
page of snapshots Of him and his
fame spreads throughout the coun-
try.
In the meantime he has become
very friendly with Mildred Deery,
daughter Of Galen Deery a wealthy
timber speculator Forrest Cain, an
admairer of Mildred, becomes Jealous
of Gordon and attempts to play him
a trick and gets soundly thrashed.
Gordon owns a large tract of land in
the mountains, between two tracts
owned by Mr.. Deery and Cain, who
need Gordon's property to carry out
land scheme.
The Boston Nationals and other
big league clubs stop at Atlanta for
exhibition games on their way North
and Gordon Kelly becomes the base
ball sensation OF the hour Scouts
who come to see him work try to get
him away from the Atlanta club, and
then send wild kilograms to their
owners, imploring them to come to
Atlanta by the first train and do their
own bidding Nearly all the big
lCdS uS iud BIldRt S come ana FIealHeHl
Galloway, OF the Atlanta club, an
nounces that. while disposed to re-
ject all offers, his club felt the ne
cessity Of living up to the obligations
of organized baseball and would sell
Gordon Kelly's release to the best ad-
vantage of the stockholders of the
club. In a practice game with a big
league team, Kelly covers himself
with glory. He is injured and Mil
dred rushes on the field to his aid.
The newspapers are filled with ac-
counts of the affair.
Now go on with the story.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09

Three or four miles TO the east the
creek was paralleled by a smaller
stream, which finally turned to the west
and flowed into the creek. one solitary
road wound up through the whole sec
ton in about the center OF 1t, hitting
the brook in two or three places
Returning 10 his rooms, Cain ordered
his man to pack suitable clothing in a
trunk for a hunting trip. and, selecting
a couple OF guns and as many revolvers
from the rack. he ordered the requisite
supplies, not forgetting the liquids, sent
up TO Pew Creek station by express. He
boarded the train next day for that
place, taking his man George along with
him
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09
Families Intimate

Cain had known Mildred ever since
she was little girl Their families had
been intimate socially for many years.
Ii was only within the past few months
however, that he had taken Mildred
seriously II had suddenly come 10
him that she had developed into an un-
commonly beautiful and attractive
young woman and he became seized
with the idea that he wanted her for
his own He had no means OF knowing
how well Kelly had become known 10
the Deery family, he was inclined 10
believe that the Deerys had simply
been kind 10 him as a favor TO old
Judge Barbee, hearing In mind. OF
course, the fact that Deery had fnau-
cial reasons for wishing to be on good
terms with the Young man from tte
mountains However this might be.
Kelly was now incapacitated from TAX
ing part in any social matters and so,
with a clear field as 4 were, Cain re-
solved TO patch hts fences and begin
a systematic siege Of the heart Of Nil.
dred Deery
He had, Of course, read all about
the part Mildred had PLAYED when KEEL
lv was knocked unconscious at the I'm
-h Of the ball game. but he charged
that up to overwrought nerves The
thought never once entered his mind
that Mildred had any feeling for KEEL
ly other than she would have for any
person who had met with a misfortune
Forrest Cain called at the Deery resi-
zeura that avarirg and he'rR Informed
by the maid that answered the ring,
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09
CHAPTER XXI.

FORREST CAIN returned 10 Atlanta
on April 10 after a months Wild
and riotous soiourn in New York.
He left that city on the verge of de-
lirium tremens, and even when he reach
ed home II was a question as to wheth-
er the services OF a snake charmer would
be required For several days, he re-
manned in the seclusion of his rooms
being in no condition TO seek his &C
customed haunts When. at last he
ventured a visit to his club he found
everybody talking about Gordon Kelly
II had become quite a fad among the
smart set to attend the ball games. so
he motored out to the park that after
noon with some Of his friends and was
Chagrined as well as sngered TO dis
cover that the hero Of the hour was
the same person who had chastised
him and left him alone far from town
on that rainy night a month back
Like most men of his nature. he did
not stop 10 consider that he was en-
tirely to blame for the humiliation Of
himself The episode had rsnkled in his
breast ever since it had happened, and
doubtless had not little TO do with the
threatened attack Of delirium tremens,
for the thoughts Of IL drove him TO drink
at frequent intervals In his drunken
moments-which is to say, most Of the
time he spent in New York tried
to form some plan Of revenge. some
scheme to get square They say that
strong drink stimulates the mind. May
be so. In the case Of Forrest Cain, how.
ever, his brain was so continually soaked
IN strong drink that he could not evolve
any method, except an impossible one
that would bring about the desired re-
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-06-09
Big Mistake.

Buffers bounced into the club,
damned his hat down on table with
a fierce, resounding bang, and hung
himself into an easy chair.
What's wrong to-day, Buffers
You look bad
"Tfi never forgive myself. ! kicked
a man out Of mn house last night"
"Humph, I've kicked out many a
one Young fellow, I SUPPOSE
NO. past middle age"
We'll. these old dodgers have no
business to be coming round counting
Young girls. 7 would have kicked him
out myself
Yes: but I have found out since
that this man wasn't counting my
daughter He was after my mother
'-n-Iaw.'