The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1913-08-28
GREAT BLUNDER
BY ADMINISTRATION
Should Have Sent John Lind to Can
ada and Harry Thaw to Mexico
to Settle Great
Questions.
THE ELASTIC CURRENCY
The Poet Of the Woods Also Has
Some Brilliant Ideas on How
to Handle the
Tariff.

Tariff.
[By Dougles Malloch, The Poet Of
the Woods" written for
the United Press.1
PEORIA, ILL.,, Aug. 2S.-"Things arc
in bad way. For that reason the
American Press Humorists have coas
ulated in Peoria to dispose of ques
tions as puzzling as those that Mrs.
United States asks when Mr.. Uniteo
States rolls home from the club and
has difficulty in finding key-hole for
entrance and loop-hole for escape.
with a Thaw In Canada and a
frost" in Mexico this is time tina,
requires strong men. America has
offered It's good Offices to Mexico, to
begin with is something that no gen.
inc democratic demonstration ougr,
to do. We have sent John Lind down
to Mexico to talk Minnesota Spanish
to the natives, but the dove OF peace
was still acting very much like spar
row up to the hour of going to press.
| On the other hand our noble Harry
K. Thaw is over In Canada endeavor
ing to keep out OF an asylum by keep
ing in jail. Thus we see how the al
ministration has blundered. Had Lint
been sent to Canada and Thaw tc
| Mexico everybody would have beei
satisfied.
Then there is the currency ques
4 tion. Our currency has a larger cir
culation than any other paper in tn,
world Yet 1t is not large enough a
that. and something or somebody mus
be done. am glad the United Press
4 has asked me for a solution OF thii
vexing problem so that it may b,
settled for all time. That solution 4
women's suffrage. Let the womer
vote. Then they will have the righ
to carry the money. And when tht
women carry we shall have an elastic
currency.
i There's the tariff understand
there are still hundred paragraph.
of the tariff bill to be written, ant
humorist knows how hard they ar,
to write. There should be a higl
tariff on all necessities of life and i;
low tariff on luxuries because tn,
things the American people in thes
days want the worst and buy tn,
more are luxuries. Put tariff If yo,
will on beef Beef, If you do, we cal
become vegetarians. But whereof
where is the woman who can ge
: along without Paris gown and Lor
don accent without great sufferin
and want?
'In this day we must have gasolin
for the car whether we have greas
for the griddle or not. The autome
bile has more or less to do with moe
,, ern American life and considerable t
. do with up-to-date demise. Now-s
+, days the American public is divide
into two classes-those who are dods
ing autos and those who are dodgn
payments on the things Pedestrian
j. ism has advanced from mere pastim
) until it has become feat of skill an
e agility. In Chicago the other day
v stranger was trying to cross Michiga
n avenue through maze of autos. f
/. said he would rather be in hades tha
|. be pedestrian in Chicago And I
g less than minute he got his wish.
n "In the old days top buggy an
y a sorrel mare gave family entrane
to the best circles. Now IL you {
not own a gasoline destroyer tn,
looks like a battleship and is twit
- as deadly, people think you are
humorist or have lost your none
some other way. Folks are putting
. mortgage upon the house to buy g
auto when what 1t needs Is ne
: roof
y. Another thing the matter with Il
- country is that we have too many pa
ties. Perhaps the gentle reade
- would like to know what these diffe
: ent parties are. A republican is
: man who worries a good deal mo
e about what is going to happen to Il
o country when he is out of office thu
q he does while he is In. Franklin
,e the guy that put the ICON" in conse
Q. walton. A progressive is man wi
thinks he isn't moving fast enough
he jumps overheard. A progressive
man who thinks he is behind
N good movement and instead OF tn
l. gets in front OF 1t. A progressive
a. hen setting on ducks eggs; he thin,