Omaha daily bee., 1913-12-14

somewhere, ana when Tumulto said: |
There's no war at present" replied:
start one then and say l did II. Then
stop it and say 1 stopped IT,"
! Moosebullera appeared for the fourth
time to demand his rights" but scuttled
away when Hersta thereatened to print
full reports of his speeches.
II Rattle bob on Deck.
\ But that time the fickle-minded army
had been taken by Battle Bob la
Folletteo." who assumed command on the
claim that ''he is the only honest man in
public life" He thrust out Dictator
Hersta with the declaration. II originated
universal peace Bryana stole that from
me. 1 am the original trust buster.
Everybody's busting them now-and they
stole my stuff wanted the progressive
nomination for president The Bull Moose
stole that from me-"
Marshallera again bobbed up, shouting:
The conatitution says" when he
was cut short by La Toilette with MY
dear sir, you are bewildered. The con-
stitution hasn't spoken above whisper
for several years"
Marshallera retired finally upon being
presented with an enormous turnip.
Scarcely had the company recovered
from such a fearful dream of Mexican.
ization when further disorder was created
by the sudden appearance of Mrs. Pank-
hurst whose shrieks OF Votes for
Women" and demand for a seat OF honor
were finally subdued by the suave presi-
dents offer of hospitality. when he was
warned that women now vote In ten
states.
shot at Wilson.
Taking the public into it's confidence.
the Gridiron club openly initiated five
! new members into membership They
; were Il. A. Fowler of tho New York
Sun, Arthur b. Krock OF the Louisville
Courier-Journal John p. Ryan Of the
San Francisco Post Fred Essary Of the
Baltimore Sun and Thomas w. Brahany
OF the White House offices
The initiation was to have been con-
{ Quoted by the Federal Reserve Board.
I composed OF Harry Thaw, David Lamar.
;. Colonel Mulhall, Jack johnson. William
!, suizer and Charles F. Murphy. headed
by General Coxey but those gentlemen
!, fell into general quarrel when they
!, attempted 10 hold a meeting.
y President Kaufman OF the club ordered
u the admission OF the candidates to
2 membership upon payment of their dues.
u But Il seemed they were unable to meet
o that condition.
Said Candidate Fowler: "rhe admins
tration's policy of pitiless publicity has
been 80 secretive that we can't get any
news. and we've lost our Jobs" Asked
\ Why then they had become candidates,
he added; I'VE relied on President VIII
son. Listen to what he wrote In The
ls New Freedom (reads): let there be
m light il is necessary 20 open all the
"a processes OF politics. They have been too
Is secret; too complicated; to round about:
Is they have consisted too much of private
70 conferences and secret understandings
3 Chairman: Surely you got plenty of
- news after thati"
"a Krock: Not much. Listen to the or
10 Ger issued by Secretary Daniels (reads)
The secretary OF the navy directs that
= all articles and information for the press
"a be submitted to him before being given
out"
Sweet TO the ears of the hungry office
seekers were the strains OF La Grands
Duchesse'' as rendered by the numerous
10 music committee of the Gridiron club
,s Set to the old score. was the stirring
= talo entitled '"The AK OF AdlaL" The
9. skit opened with the entrance OF a win
"a some lass. She was introduced as Miss
IN Democracy" In search OF a quiet place
TO tend to her knitting" She thought
TO the White House would afford me shelter
a but weddings turn the place heltei
skelter." Attended by a chorus of oil
friends and poor relations. she sings;
= "onee 1 was quiet and subdued.
Not In the best society
With great respect l now am viewed
A model OF propriety
Asked why knitting employed her skill
n Miss Democracy replied
y I've Just eroeheted lovely tariff bill.
- motto i embroidered cites thes'
facts.
God bless our home-but damn the in
come tax.
~ Call for Adlai's Axe.
US A civil service examination was held q
u determine the fitness OF the many demo
nd cratic applicants for the job Of one lon
Ts republican postmaster. This was greatll
u against the will Of the applicants. VIII
an ehanted their dissent 20 that famout oi'
n air. "Ah. que Jaime les militaires-
81 The examination displaced the repub
ad liean postmaster. but the process was de
10 clared to be too slow wherefor Mis-
d. Democracy was obliged 70 yield to IN
ell general demand for "the one weapol
en- that fills the bill-ths ak that Adlai use'
u with strength and skill and the curtail
~ fell TO this ringing chorus:
er Bring forth the oleaver, the oleaver. IN
Bring forth the eleaver. the eleaver o
our sires.
Bring forth the cleaver. the cleaver. tn
cleaVer,
ne Wen drop 'em and chop 'em.
The one way TO stop EN-,
That meets our desires.
Timely and topical ballads. parodies ol
> men and things In the public eye Hight
ened the courses OF the dinner. Her
was a verse from LET Them Co.:
IL Roosevelt yearns for the jungle,
Let him so. let him go, let him so.
II he could somehow get a hunch.
To invite old HuertO down 20 lunchs
D. II Huerta would so for VISIT
lt- Where the Amazon's waters flow.
Am Theodore might show
i. HuertO where TO so.
nd
N Carnegie sees MeReynOIds.
- VVAQTTThrFTON Dac 1a-Andraxr Car