Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1913-05-08
Heard on the Streets
OF THE TOWN
BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN

Every married man in Audubon be-
lieves that his wife husband is pretty
good scout.
And girl who eats onions at every
meal has no apparent worry about
temptation.
1t has been proved that if you have
bankroll nobody cares a tinker who
your ancestors were.
An old house always looks better
with fresh coat of paint but it is diff
ferent with human beings.
The man who can afford to drink
seldom has thirst. But the guy who
can't afford it. is a two-legged fish.
The folks who claim there are no
male angels, never married widow and
heard her brag about her first husband.
Economy is sometimes good thing.
But you often meet men right here in
Audubon who try to make one hand
kerchief last whole week.
An Audubon woman who spends
most of her time trying to improve her
complexion, never thinks of the old
fashioned method of steaming it over a
washtub.
A married man who isn't afraid of
anything on earth always has sense
enough to get out of the way when he
sees his wife has a towel tied around
her head.
A female physician says amateur
mothers are responsible for ugly
children" About when does a mother
graduate from the amateur" into the
professional class2
Nowadays clothes make the man
and lack of them make the woman"
said a salesman at one of our clothing
stores while trying to sell suit of
clothing Saturday afternoon.
This is peculiar world, and Audu-
bon is a part of it. One man gets
soused because the girl wouldn't marry
him and the other fellow gets soused
because the girl did marry him.
There isn't much romance these days
After six months of married life the
bridal veil was doing duty as sash
curtain on the bathroom window at the
home of an Audubon married couple.
If your betrothed finds pair of gloves
in your pocket, belonging to some other
lady, the situation is certainly embar-
RAISING, especially if you confess that
you don't know whose gloves they are.
A Club lady informed us that one of
George washington's letters was re-
Gently sold for $3.50 at London auc.
ton. 1t wouldn't have brought that
much when George was on earth-over
in England.
In Manning the other day a fellow
named Casebeer was arrested for being
drunk and disorderly on Sunday. The
marshall is having hard time finding
the fellow who put the beer" in Case
beer on Sunday.
A whole lot of our brides discover
when its too late that they should have
purchased more canned goods and fewer
Princess slips when they fixed up the
trousseau. Many meal these days are
served hot-from the tin can.
If the bachelor uncle, and the old
maid aunt, would take greater inter
est in each other Sunday evenings, in
stead of insisting on taking home their
neices, the young men would gladly
tender them vote of thanks, and it
might prove to be lasting benefit to
the older people.
One of our correspondents contributes
the following; "T. d. is taking lessons
on harmonican. T. is a natural must
clan and can make brass drum fairly
talk" Minerva WIS married sister
from Bean Creek, is here taking treat
ment for floating liver. She fell out of
cherry tree last summer and Jared it
loose"
Audubon boys have more sense than
they used TO have. When the old
fashioned boy get dime he would buy
ten cent bottle of rotten perfumery
with blue hearts and red cupids on the
label and give it to his girl. Nowadays
when he gets dime he takes her to a
movie" show and holds her hand for
an hour.
The girls who sit at the player-pianos
today put on more dog but they are not
bit sweeter than the girls who used
TO sit at the old cabinet organs. Don't
you remember how they used TO play