davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
The
Head Waitress
The Steady Customer
Denies Managers
Canard.
By HANK.
(Hv HATS this hear about you
Nv and Marie having a date.'

<TXTHATs this ! hear about you y.
Nv and Marie having dates'
W asked the Head Waitress Of
the Steady Customer in the Cafe LIN
fant
Nothing to it." he replied. Where
did you get it?"
From Mr. Flakes, the manager
said the Head Waitress. and he told
me he had 1t straight, too. He said
that Marie asked for an hour off SO
she could get all dolled up to go out
with you OF course, 1t amt none OF
my business, and
"Cut it out" interrupted the STEADY
Customer Mr.. Flakes is kidding
you. or Marie is kidding him. Not
that ] wouldn't dearly love to take
both you and Marie out any time, but
I'm getting teo old to go gallivantihg
around with two such beauteous
danes"
II guess Marie was kidding" said
the Head Waitress. "All them CASH
iers is great kidders. especially the
blondes. You see, every guy that
thing foolish while he's paying his
check, and Marie, has to take their
money with one hand and wave to
them with the other or they'd be
broken hearted. / don't see much
nourishment in it myself. but all
those poor boobs act as IL one smile
from the cashier had taken ten years
off their age, and they go out simper-
ing like a lot of lovesick swines."
"Swains, ] suppose you mean," cor
rected the Steady Customer.
tsJaua voJ1r own wav.e said the
Head Waitress. You literary guys is
great etiekieFs for correct pronounce
ments, amt you. Well, I'm glad to
hear you amt fallen for. no blonde
because I've taken an interest in you
and I'd hate to see you going nutty
over pair of big eyes and a golden
dome Not that Marie amt a nice
girl, and one of the incest ever seen,
but she shouldn't be wasting her time
with any of you newspaper guys
whats the matter with us?" asked
the Steady Customer. I'm surprised
to hear you talk that way. Louise"
Are your" said she. We'll, long
ago In the dim, distant past / show
cred my young and innocent affec-
tions on one Of you literary blokes.
and for q time | was in the seventh
heaven of happiness He used to
write me poems, too--real love ones.
4
like this:
Louise, Louise, you little tease,
I'm really mad about you;
You say you truly love me. dear,
I'd hate to ever doubt you.
Some day we'll married be, and then
Our lives we'll link together,
And travel down the broad highway
No matter what the weather"
Pretty good" said the Steady Gus
toner.
"Oh, yes, / raved about it," said the
Head Waitress, until found out that
he was travelling down the broad
highway with about nine Others
But that's no reason why you
should be down on all literary lights"
exclaimed the Steady Customer.
"A child once stung never goes
back to the beehive. as Kipling says"
replied Louise. "and believe me Kip
ling was right"
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03

NJ on have watched the crowds in
front Of the fortune teilers'
booths at carnivals. OF course,
you have never been one of those
who have been taken in" But
you may have watched the others as
they stood amazed at the wonderful
second sight" Of Professor Bonda-
loo; or whatever his title happens to
be.
As he sits blindfolded he describes
exactly the articles in the crowd, tells
the amounts of coins and the dates
thereon. tells the colors of dresses;
reads the titles of magazines; adds
4 complicated figures on the black
hoard. and thoroughly mystifies his
8 behoIders.
They little know that the professor,
instead of being imported from Man
q daIay, India, probably halls from that
far distant land of East Fourteenth
street OF the Bowery, and is known
in..the. winter and in private life by
some Imported" name.
The assistant, after beseeching YOU
20 come closer, still closer, in order
not TO lose a single syllable that
X-ray vfsioned man. then announces
that the great professor Will tell you
vour name for 10 cents today only.
When you go inside you are led TO
tie professors sister, or cook, or
something, who asks you to cross her
'palSn with silver, which means a
quarter. or a half. or even a dollar,
according to how gullibie you may
appear,
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03

starchy vegetable and plenty of
stewed fruit or acid fresh fruit"
l grinned bit at the thought of
gracefully slender. wilIowy Pauline
Frederick appearing on the scenes as
an expert on the gentle art of getting
thfn-but getting thin" is not what
COMMISSIONING your slender lines In
defiance of the ravages of a limousine
or office chair sedentary life and the
temptations of the French pastry tray
is the secret Pauline Frederick Inn
parts
And now for the complexion" went
'c's' that are trustworthy pair Of
friends to my skin. Let me introduce
you. cfeam-not cold cream--but
plain cream-'common or garden
cream to ward off the ravages Of
sunburn and tan from the skin that
does not take on a picturesque cop
perry hue. but that burns a la lobster
and sheds itself a la snake. Cream
will clean your skin from dust. will
heal the blemishes that are trying to
establish themselves and will write
no thoroughfare' for the imperfee-
tfons that are planning to invite
themselves. Cream and CASTLE soap
lathered In thoroughly and washed
out again.
Outdoors sane diet, cream and
CASTLE soap, And lovely Pauline
Frederick recommending them. Join
me, little sisters, for I intend hitch
ing my wagon of desire for beauty to
this beautiful star.
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03

ca, while please tell me what coun-
try is represented here" would indi-
cate Spain.
There is no doubt but the memoir
iztng OF these codes Is remarkable,
and on that basis may be paid for.
But I can not understand why thou
sands will continue to believe that a
strange, unseen power Is possessed by
these so called clairyoyants who -four
ish and grow rich on money defraud-
ed from the credulous pleasure seek
ers who frequent the resorts.
One more incident on clairvoyaney:
Some time after the Ali Ben Has
san episode number of those who
had been present were invited to In
vestigate that wonderful gentleman
again at a friends home in Brooklyn
One of the scholars had sufficiently
awakened by this time to declare that
he thought 1t was possible the man
ner in which the questions had been
asked had suggested their answer
At this most of the others arose In
anger and laughed scornfully at the
man who could show himself so skep-
tical In the face of such conclusive
evidence. The guide" was very much
aroused and said he feared this state
ment WOuld cause All to refuse to
talk again. (This manner of proce-
dure is generally followed when some
one gets on the trail). Nevertheless,
to prove that the charge was prepos-
ferrous. All would allow any one to
ask the questions and he would
answer them
Therefore, to the amazement of all
this was done, and the results were
more bewildering than before. There
was no doubt OF 1t. Ali Ben Hassan
was gifted with q remarkable super
natural sight. But the explanation is
even simpler here than In the first
incident. We were prepared for all
emergencies. ! had previously con-
nected In the folds of my turban the
end OF slender speaking tube that
came close to my ear and extended
from another room and was painted
in the color of the wall Hidden in
the next room was another confed-
crate, who looked through an opening
In the draperies, held powerful
opera glass to his eyes. and whis-
pered the answers sweetly through
the tube In my ear!
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
Modern Love Song

ITO you. whoever you are,
Wherever you may be,
l I send this message-near or
far
I'm the not-impossibie she.
wish you'd make an effort,
Oh, Mister Affinity,
And not just sit a-awaiting
For the not-impossible me-
I'm sure I've given you chance,
Whoever you may be.
To realize this simple fact,
I'm the wholly possible she.
"Who knows. and knows he knows,
is wise. Cleave thou to him,
And nevermore forsake him.
Who knows and knows not that he
knows-he sleeps;
Go thou to him and wake him.
who knoweth not and knows he
knoweth not is a child,
Go thou to him and teach him.
Who knows not and knows not that
he knoweth not is a fool.
No light shall ever reach him."
Says Marcus Aurelius:
"A man must stand erect and not
be held erect by circumstance.
Everything is only for a day, with
that which remembers and that
which is remembered.
The present Is the only thing of
which a man can be deprived.
Everything which Is in any way
beautiful is beautiful in itself-and
neither worse nor better is thing
made by being praised"
Oh. the world has Its gloom. and tits
gloom to spare;
Twill make you weary and sad;
But there's plenty of CLEAN, as Is
only fair.
To make you CHEEKY and glad.
Now the world may seem dark as the
shrouding night.
All clad in a pail OF black.
But somewhere tbs day-so just walk
toward the light,
And the shadows will fall at your
back. LILLIAN LAUFERTY,
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03

to the minutest detail. A doctor who
was present proclaimed the results
marvelous-that Ali Hassan was a
unique specimen for scientific re-
search. Several motions were made,
seconded and carried unanimously.
that the results OF the experiment be
sent to various physical societies
and leaflets be printed with a full
and detailed description and mailed
to leading authorities In this coun-
try and abroad.
Really. when I doffed my turban
and sank down to a good hearty
laugh with my guide later on. I
once again had occasion to lament on
the credulity OF my neighbors The
second sight of All Ben Hassan con-
sisted of nothing but a good memory
on the part of myself. an amateur
| Investigator into the frauds Of mys-
terry
My friend and / had arranged a
code, as follows: Our questions
would tell the answer to what they
were asking, by the manner in which
| they were worded. The first letter
In each sentence spelled out the
answer; but if we had gone no
further, this might easily have been
detected. SO we turned the alpna-
bet topsy-turvy and made II stand
for A, 7 stand for B, stand for e
and so on. For instance, look at the
first question that was put to me;
THE SOLUTION
sI' being the first word uttered,
suggested III" Have" in the second
sentence, suggested "A" please" in
the third sentence. suggesting TT
the three together making hat"
/ can not even begin to show you
the further details of the code, which
went still deeper and covered every
| possible article, description, date.
color, metal. etc. We had even gone
so far as to vary our code by differ
ent signals and had single words
mean fixed things So that II, per-
chance, some one began to get the
system we would throw him of the
scent. For instance. the second
variation made Say what stone this
is" meant diamond. Please tell me
what this stone is meant emerald,
and so on. Say what country is rep
! resented here would indicate Ameri-
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
HYPNoTIzING THE HYPNorIsT

She then proceeds to tell you the
color of your prospective wife's
cousins hair. and seems TO have for
gotten that you came in to find out
what your parents christened you.
HOW HE DID 1T
am not at this time going to take
up the fortune telling mystery; but
shall content myself with pointing
out how I accomplished the wonder
fuI second sight," or clairvoyance as
IL is better known, to the astonish-
ment of far more intelligent minds
than my own.
Come with me. then. as / enter a
handsome private home on Morning
side avenue. Gathered there are
about 43 or A eminent scholars to
study the mysterious powers of ALI
Ben Hassan, who has been educated
in English In Robert college. at Con-
stantinople, and who has but recently
come to this country.
With turban on my head and orien-
tai costume about me, step from the
taxicab that conveyed me and march
into the dimly lighted room, accom-
panied by my American guide / am
led TO the front of the apartment and
seated on q high chair. l place my
hands to my eyes. rub my temples,
and then appear to fall into trance,
being but barely caught by my guide
and propped up again. A. member of
the audience then volunteers to
bnndfold me. which is done very
carefully. for I must not see with
my eyes, but merely with my sub
conscious soul.
MY guide goes TO the back of the
room and says, Il speak, All. Have
you your second sight? Please tell
me what this is7"
Very quickly I answer, There ap-
pears to me hat
fright. Hear me now. Please
watch me carefully. See this7 /
ask you to describe It,"
A WATCH
You hold in your hand watch"
NOW what kind? Be quick, please
'It is OF silver"
What lis the number Look care
fully. Are you ready? Tell us then
The number Is $3.50"
And SO on the questions and an
swsrs went. and everything correct
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
& The Joy Of a Bachelor Son &
ny FRANCES L. GARsIDE

l.. GARSIDE
sighed. and several who lived with
daughters paused in their knittings to
wipe the moisture from their glasses
SOME JOYS
when / take up a broom" resumed
the woman who lives with bachelor
son. mo one says Don't do that; you
are too old for such work. No one
screams to me to let the maid do IL
when l want to beat up a cake, and
when I want to stay at home my son
never tells me / will become an old
fogy unless I go out more. and when
want to go out no one tells me 1t is
too hot or too cold for one of my age,
or that one of my years should never
go alone.
Il never hear anything about my
age from q bachelor son He lets me
do as ] please. My daughters COM
plain because 1 work and they say /
am too old to keep house and should
live with one of them. but he doesn't
think am too old. He Just keeps
Sttias anu ISIS IRE Walt Oh nlfh, anu
that is what enjoy"
The little old women looked visit
fully at the little woman In gray.
None Of them had bachelor sons to
fuss over and knew none OF the feel
ing OF a second honeymoon that
comes to little old woman in fiut-
tering around and ministering to a
son VINO never suggests nor febukes
nor interferes as long as he Is made
comfortable.
They sighed. 1t must be nice to
have an easy going son stand be-
tween mother and her overly so-
ifcitous daughters.
They sighed again. And the sigh
grew in intensity and volume till 1t
swept the little old women like SO
many withered autumn leaves be-
fore gust of wind futtering and
skurrying, right out OF the room.
And 1t was we'll For. a moment
later. the voices Of many daughters
arose on the air. II wonder where
mother is SO long. She IL too old to
stay away like this"
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
'Tis All a Joke


Purchaser-But is the parrot q good
bird? I mean, l hope he doesn't use
dreadful language.
DeaIer-E's a saint, lady; sings
'ymns beautiful. I 'ad some parrots
wot used to swear something awful;
but, IL you'll believe me. lady, this
ERE bird converted the lot.
y X
A quack doctor was holding forth
about his .medicines" to a rural audi
ence.
"Yes, gentlemen" he said. Il have
sold these pills for over 25 years and
never heard a word of complaint.
Now, what does that prove?"
A voice-That dead men tell no
tales"
X X
ITS pretty expensive TO have ones
own lawyer
But 1t doesn't cost anything 70
keep ones own counsel"
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03

ny FRANCES
~ HEY were fustered and furried,
and looked. In spite Of their
= wrinkled faces and gray hairs,
like so many little girls who had es-
capped from their nurses, and had met
to make confessions Of their griefs.
So great was the resemblances to
little girls, it seemed incongruous
when one lifted grandehiid to her
lap and another adjusted her glasses
and got out her knitting.
This" said the one with the grand
child, was brought to me last week.
My daughter sent four children to me
while she went on a trip. She said
they would keep me from getting
lonesome
II never have a moments quiet
said the weak voice Of another old
woman Il have four married daugh-
ters and they are always sending
their children to me. sometimes six
at time. to keep me from getting
lonesome"
1T would be NICE" she added pa
thetieally. ITO have chance to get
lonesome sometimes"
There was silence. All the little
old women were thinking Of the
Susies, Billies, Johnnies and Lizzies
that were always being unloaded on
dear grandmother. giving her no
chance to rest.
A timid little woman who felt that
unless they were careful they would
show disloyalty to their daughters,
tried to change the subject by asking
the others II they liked her dress. 1t
was soft. delicate gray.
II wanted one that color" sputtered
another little woman who rocked vio-
iently to express her indignation. "but
my daughter made me get black. She
said II would make over better for her
when was gone"
II live with bachelor son." from
the little old woman In gray, "and he
let's me do as like"
Old women do not cry. They have
learned the futility OF tears But they
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03

No. you're wrong. There isn't to
be a word in this story about Tim
Woodruff, and besides If it were de-
voted to Colonel Woodruff one would
never refer to them as yests-they
would be waistcoats.
Not even the Brooklyn Bull
Mooser ever dared to iirt with
fashion after. the manner that the
women are to adopt this fall. The
new creations for women only are
designed to make the Woodrufflan
]. Hamilton Lewisan and Diamond
James Bradyian types dwindle into
the merest commonplace efforts.
Under the fall style the women
will make the fanciest thing that
ever begirt Mere Man look like the
mildewed outer garment of a Roche
fcrt cheese. The vests for women
are gay of color. dashing of cut. and
with them will be worn watch
chains of dazzling proportions.
1t is the idea that the wearer will
have a flossy, fluffy shirt.
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
A.WooD PATH
By Bliss CARMAN

by BLISS CAHMAN
At. evening and at morning
By an enchanted way,
walk the world in wonder
e. And have no word to say.
:: ii. is the. path we traversed
:: one twilight, thou and I,
Thy. beauty all a rapture,
:. ias- spirit all cry.
The red leaves fall upon it,
The moon and mist and rain,
But not the magic football
} Ihat. made its meaning plain.
! Be emerciful to me, o Godl
The Arab proverb cries,
A sinner I. and so my plea
Graves answer from thy skies.
! Thy mercy is already shown
Unto all virtuous-Lo.
q. Thy mercy to the righteous man
Is that thou madest him so.
What a grim thing it is. that you
and /
So intimate, so bound by every tie,
Can never read each others secret
thought
Must be contented with the glimpse
we've caught.
Can face each other calmly. eye q
eye.
And, with our souls protesting, speak
a lie
That while you wound me with In
difference,
Or. cruel words. or meager recon.
pense, your heart with love fol-
me may be aglow.
Yet looking in your eyes-I cannot
know.
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03

Charles d. Isaacson. a
famous medium, mill. in a
series of articles. expose the
practices of the mediums Of
all kinds who prey upon The
.credulity. superstition and
gullibility of their victims.
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
Snaps h OTIS
By LILLIAN LAUFERTY


:.Tfe happiest women-like the hap
plest nations-have no history
George Eliot
Happy. the man.. and happy he alone
: Wsfo can call today his own,
lie who secure within can say:
=. = som2rrew do thy worst. for I have
lived today.
Be fair or foul or rain or shine,
The joys I have possessed. in spite of
fate, are mine;
Not .sheaven itself upon the past has
power,
For what has been, has been. and I
have had my our."-Drydan.
~ X
The common problem-yours, mine,
every one's-
Is not to fancy what were fair in life,
Pr9F1ued 1t could be; but finding first
what may be, then how to make ii
Up to our means-a very different
thing.-Robert Browning.
n
Beware of desperate steps. The
darkest day,
Live till tomorrow, will have passed
away.-Selected.
x X
There is a pity in forgotten things.
Banished the heart they can no
longer fill,
Since restless fancy spreading swal-
low wings
Must seek new pleasures still
There is patience, tee, in things
forgot;
They wait-they find the ports long
unused,
And, knocking there. it shall refuse
them not,
Nor aught nor aught shall be re-
fused.-Edith NJ Thomas.
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03

Here's the latest: According
to the latest Partisan styles no
woman will be well dressed this
fall and winter unless she can
display the rnannish vest, such as
the French mannikin is here
wearing. All the styles are to be
more extreme than ever. say the
French costumers.
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
MAIDEN MUSINGS

What chance has sane, sensible
reason against the fortified power of
q wild habit?
Loss is unpleasant-but it never
rises to the dignity of calamity un-
less tits the loss of self-respeet.
There is more real joy in carrying
out intentions than IN merely plan
ring. to do it.
5. a good way to be at peace with the
world is TO expect little of it, to be
unafFaid of 1t, TO see some good in 1t
'and:to give much to it.
g. x
Though Ambition have one heel
nailed in hell yet she stretches her
fingers toward the heavens,
- BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
GLEANtNGs FROM THE

. 'IIlILIo TINE
i: Life is compromise between
Fate. and Free VIII.
'Trsse lovers always evolve cipher
code.
The proEdest of women will accept
orders. from the right man.
sYaur own viii come to you il you
hold She thought firmly-and hustle,
1t is good policy to leave a few
things unsaid
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
20 The Confessions of a Medium 8

By CHAS. d. ISAACSON
Copyright. 1913. By International News serv
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
Fall Styles Make Mems
Loudest Garments Pale
Into Mere Nothings

Here is brand new vest sensation.
girlsl
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03

of dollar. Her father has paid her
bills and her mother has decided
what she could buy. A little change
for street ear and soda water Is about
all the money that has ever jingled In
her purse. She has never had any
fixed allowance for her clothes and
personal expenses. and so has never
realized that If she paid too much for
a hat she would have to do without
dress. and that you can't. spend your
money and have it, too.
Parents are so afraid that their
daughters will waste their money
that they let the girl learn how to
spend on her husbands earnings,
which is pretty hard on Friend Hus-
band.
1t isn't the girls fault that she
doesn't know how to spend her hus-
bands money wisely. It's the fault
of her parents who have not taught
her one of the most important les
sons In life. That this Is true is
abundantly proved by the fact that
women who have earned their own
living before they were married. and
who have thus learned how to handle
money, are almost invariably eco-
nomical and thrifty managers and
helps to their husbands.
There IL no greater injustice in the
world than the way women are treat
ed about money. woman without
money is the most foriorn and
p.teous creature on earth. She is In
a thousand times worse plight. and
more danger, than a man Ia under
similar circumstances, yet fathers do
not concern themselves to try to
protect their daughters against such
q fate.
Boys are given money of their own
when they are little fellows in order
that they may learn to handle 1t. but
the little girl is left to find out this
important piece of knowledge the
best way she can. A boy is fitted for
some occupation whereby he may
support himself In comfort A girls
living Is left to chance. She isn't
taught any way by which she can
keep herself out Of the poorhouse
If she doesn't marry. or II her hus-
band should die and leave her PEN
niless.
A rich man leaves his daughter
one thing about how TO take care
OF it, and she II left to the mercy OF
executors and lawyers, and she
doesn't even know enough to keep
herself from being swindled.
Perhaps some day men will realise
that the only way to protect them
selves Is to teach women how to
handle money by giving them a
definite sum for their own, instead
OF making them do the mendicant
act for every cent they set. Then
we shall hear less about eKtfavagans
wives. It's ignorance not vicious
ness. that makes women waste
money.
The San Francisco call., 1913-09-03
The Money the
Wife Will Spend
By DOROTHY DIX

IY7HEN young man asks girls
wv hand in marriage the first aues-
~ tion that her father puts to him