New-York tribune., 1913-07-30
AS | WAS SAYING

Hark. from the tombs doleful sound II is the
voice of Mantaln, crying, "Demnitioner and dem
nitioner" and referring to the bow-wows of the
period For such is the power of the press, no one
can escape the Doggy Page with its photographs Of
weird animals at summer resort bench shows
Cheer up Mantaln These are neither the
"howwid dawgth' of Lord Dundreary nor the DEM
milton bow-wows' of your own immortal phrase.
They are-well the dickens alone knows what, but
assuredy not dogs
Taking a mud turtles head the legs of a Louis
XVI camp stool and overgrown Kentucky cork
screw, the breeders attach them to the body Of a
calabash woodchuck and go in after prizes 1t is the
boldest humbug since DR.. Cook.
or they trot out a taiess, rectangular monster,
twenty-five hands high, with wool like wet sheep.
Come. Fido!" they say; but we are not deceived.
No by Jupiter! II may be a revised yak, An
CORA grizzly, a Manx view of Niagara in winter;
dog never!
We could multiply instances, but take it that our
position is already clear. Enforce the Pure Dog
Law!
Who's this blazing out in print about red hair and
saying great man ever wore it? He overlooks
our gorgeous friend OFlinn, who displayed true
greatness at the very beginning OF his football
career Faith, grand IL 10 his disgust as
the captain explained the signals and to hear his
fervd exclamation: ITO hill wild your mystic signs
Show me me mon"
No wonder Mr. Richard lie Gallienne has been
celebrating his visit to Mistral. who a poet after
our own heart Sings in Provencal thus enabling
US to worship on all fours without bothering read
him.
Many chickens thrive in close quarters" writes
the Poultry Editor, hut we think it a great cruelty
We understand from the head waiter that If You
apply your a chicken at night the grinding Of
the pebbles in its gizzard can be distinctly heard
When several hundred chickens Gagged in
coop consider the rumble. the jar. the envy!
Happily, the murder Of sleep among chickens
seems in the way Of abatement Reform is in the
air. Why was Perkins hrcd-Perkins, the oldest and
trustiest attacht Of the Quaker city "Quver"? Be
he snored duty, and woke the other editors
There are muttorings about Mexico. and have been
for quite spell. hut are conscious Of something
wanting. who sports Mexico Lbre" button. or
prates Of manifest destiny" or flies into camp
meeting connipon fits the spiritual splendor Of
uplifting an inferior racer Nobody. And that is
odd for the ethnologists tell that the only good
Mexican is a dead Indian.
Thus soon is the gospel Of Rudyard Kipng for
gotten, though it treasure while 1t lasted.
Pictured ixty-eight Tommies seated on one gaspng
native, and called it The White Mans Burden"
No fond correspondent, the monkey crouch" is
not dance, it is the Yankee style of riding
horse, and hear that it is meeting with pretty
sldttish criticism in England. where they think a
jockey should avoid bestriding the animals neck as
the practice has too much the appearance of meet
ing the militants half way.
For part. we believe in the monkey crouch.
1t torments the horse rather worse than whip and
spurs, and consequently makes for speed. Don't
imagine a horse aims to obige you when he cuts
ahead in response 10 a flick the car or because
you have spiked his liver Not at all! He is look
ing out for Number one. He never loses faith I'm
that nice safe comfortable place off yonder where
the wicked cease from troubling and the weary are
In his hour Of afiicon he dashes for it like
CREASED lightning
This we sometimes consider a good deal of joke
on the horse. and then again not. often when
American tourists sprlnted past in a cloud of
dust with sparks flying out. have heard that cry
Of their aching hearts: Anywhere but here"
AS usual, the movies catching it like Sam
Hill though not without reason this time. Psychol-
ogsts neurologists and adopts in childstudy report
dreadful effects on infant nerves Plainly, photo
dramas are not good for the small. Too many thrills
to the minute
And yet we have a kind word for movies" despite
that. Just consider their benign influence upon our
vast and ever-increasng foreign population! Be
fore they have learned word OF English these
simple souls flock to the picture palace and wit
vivid portrayals of American life
Take the Of a newly arrived bashibazouk
Naturally. he supposes that in free country he
disport himself with ten times the CORY gayety he
enjoyed at home He needs warning, and gets it.
Like as not the very first reel informs him that he
has among people who, on the slightest provo
cation, pursue a malefactor in hordes. over fences
they go. rivers. through swamps. They
swim DER all the mountains and climb DER all the
seas, till, half dead with terror, our bashibazouk
makes the sign OF the crescent and groans: "Oh,
darn it, It's for the paths of virtue!'
r. l.. II.
CONFEDERATE PENSIONS.
M.