davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12

The man who invented the dress
suit now lives on the Isle Of Juju.
The Isle Of Juju Is a very inaccessible
place. II il wasn't an inaccessible
place the inventor Of the dress suit
wouldn't be living. AS II Is. nine
million men await his return, nine
million men with blood In their eyes,
re IN their souls, saWed-Om shot
gun in one hand and a paving brick
ia the other. The inventor OF the
dress suit probably Will not return.
II all came about in this wise
Once upon a time there was a
whimsical cuss in the employ OF the
devil. Being an inventive genius with
a perverted sense OF humOr. his busi-
ness was 20 create all sorts OF devilish
cOntrivances 10 sour human nature.
He held his job for many years, put
tsring away at gas meters, politics,
superfiuOus flesh. and the like, but the
Devil began TO become bored with
these little niek-nacks, and having an
attack OF Indigestion one morning
(superinduced by a sulphur rarebit
seasoned with arsenic) and being in
the humor that usually accompanies
an attack Of indigestion, summoned
his Chief Joker before him and point
ing a lean Satanic finger at the latter
he beloved:
See here Mike Cor perhaps il was
Joel or HoratiO) you're going stale.
/ won't have it, You've got to buck
up-you invent a humdinger that'Il
turn the world wrOngside out or
you're fired. Now git"
So Mike knew il was up TO him TO
get busy, or he would have 10 go out
and look for job in the glue works.
so ne started TO think He thunk and
thunk and chewed his nails, and kick
ed the cat. and got his brain all snarl-
ed up-ten days and nights he done
it-when finally all Of a sudden a
colossal idea struck him and well
nigh bOwled him over.
Il have it," he whOOped III do
it'll be the best-Or rather the
worst thing / ever put across. I'll
invent a dress suit"
So he invented the dress srit. And
when he had sample made he wish
ed IL on to an acquaintance, and
said: Here, my good man, crawl
into this. and go forth into the world.
and you will become famous"
And the poor hick took his word
for IL. and got into the dress suit. But
he didn't crawl into the bit his
way into IL. with the assistance of his
wife and the hired girl and the chauf-
feur and a piano mover who happen
ed 70 be passing.
After he was all hooked up, ana
the surcingle and whiffletree were
finally snapped into place. he heaved
a sigh that would fill a balloon and
strobe over 20 the mirror He took
one look. Then he rushed outside
and grabbed a fence rail and started
after the inventor. But the inventor
was already on his way. He had had
years of practice.
But the dress suit stuck. Some
pink-brained fashion creator saw the
dress suit and the fence rail going
down the street and as his legitimate
business was slow, he conceived the
idea Of copying IT (the dress suit. not
the fence raid and he became famous
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12
OUR TELLER CITIZENS
By III SIBLEY

on account OF his daring. And the
dress suit spread all over the land. II
is here now and II Is here % stay, and
men have been miserable ever since
Let Us drop a tear.
And speaking OF dress suits. We
might say that.
3. s. Walters wears a dress suit with
a debonair air.
II. EngInan hists his coattails when
ne sits on a chair.
Fred Bryan wears a dress suit with
white tie and pumps;
Tom Wise's dress magnifcence stands
out in Jumps.
J.. c. Birdsell wears a y. S. with be-
coming white vest;
Dr. Hansel wore one that mad just
been pressed.
Ed Roche wears dress suit with
considerable eclat;
Vic Jones wears a dress suit Inside
without a hat.
Howard Cushing wears a dress suit
with hands on his hips;
Burr Stephenson wears one with re-
pdTlee on MS Ups.
Jim Jude wears one with tops1 and
mizzen
Charlie Harper wears one! he has
glasses with hisn.
John Ellsworth does too-he don't
mind the trouble;
CAT this point, not finding anything
suitable that rhymes with trouble
and owing TO the fact that our poetic
license has bee nrevoked-With some
justihcation-we will resort TO prose.
which is more dignified. if not so
meaty)
Franc Mayr. jr.. wears dress suit
with billed shirt and moustache.
DIR. L.apierre wears dress suit. we'll
for the same reason that the rest of
us do.
c. a. sarlisle has worn dress suit
in Paris.
Richard Inwood has worn a dress
suit on the Yusitania.
Col .Studebaker has worn a dress
suit in London; also Las Angeles and
South Bend.
Harry johnson has worn a dress
suit at Cornell.
Harry Wheelock has worn a dress
suit at Wisconsin.
Hugh Woolverton has worn a dress
suat at Purdue.
Noel Dunbar has worn a dress suit
at Yale
Irving Sibley has worn a dress suit
at Harvard.
Edgar Johnson has worn a dress
suit at Princeton.
John Reynolds has worn a dress
suit at Michigan.
Gene Warner has worn dress suit
at Indiana.
That's all.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12
FIND BOAT BUT MEN
ARE AMONG MISSING
Storm is Believed to Have Caused
Deaths of Men i'm Michi-
gan Swamp.

SEBEWAING, Mich, Nov. "a
Seven hunters are believed 10 have
persisted Sunday in the hurricane
which swept Saginaw bay. The men
were in duck boats in middle
ground, a partly submerged. rush
covered spot half a mile from the
shore.
]. Ruby of this place. forced TO
leave the hunting grounds when his
boat began to fill. saw eight men in
the rushes as he passed. OF these. one
is known TO have escaped. Paul En-
erich and Bert COrnwell of Detroit,
were among the seven missing. but the
names of the others are not known.
Searching parties have been unable
TO find any trace Of the men, but an
empty boat was found Tuesday night
in the weeds.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12
UNEASY RESTS THE HEAD
THAT WEARS THE CROWN

CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE.)
Gated to their critics point of view.
But until they We're it was useless to
ask him TO stop their pleasure.
He'd be impeached first he declar-
I'd. And there the matter ended.
Then there were the philanthropy
lists
Some of them wanted a municipal
lodging house. They took it up with
the mayor.
City Lodging House.
a bed for the tramps? Well, that
could be provided" the mayor aSsur-
ed them cheerfullys lie fixed up
quarters in the city hall and provided
beds that ne thought good enough for
anyone 10 sleep on.
But the lady who led the phian-
thrOpists wasn't satisfied She talked
Of shower baths and medical inspec-
ton. The tramp must be bathed, per
fumed.-nO, his clothes fumigated.
that was it.-and a doctors certificate
placed in his hand before he was ready
TO retire. The mayor thought II all
nonsense and said SO.
He took the men OF the uplift party
through the place and they were more
easily satisfied. The quarters were
perfectly good. they admitted. even
a tramp should be satisfied with them.
Then one OF them had AN inspiration.
that these unfortunate creatures
creatures should be turned out in the
morning To face a cold, cruel world
with an empty stomach
"I'u tel YOU what I'll do said ne in
n burst OF generosity. wen give them
a breakfast. 4 slice OF rye bread and
"a glass Of water ought TO help some.
IN furnish the bread-fOr one month
only" ne added hastily. Just buy IL
and have IL charged TO me The city,
OF course could furnish the water.
It's all right. boys" said the mayor
10 some of the people about him after
the philanthropists had gone. Well
-,ive the tramps the rye bread but I'm
not going TO let this man establlss a
reputation as phuanthropist Tor
$3.50. The citv vii ~"~ for the bread
The sum total for one month was eN-
actly $2.55. the mayor says.
The Angry Editor
Then there were the individuals
that got mad. Some OF them were in
"A position 10 cause him great deal OF
annoyance. he says. for the mayor was
no respecter % persons.
He took up the case OF the editor
Everything had been lovely with the
editor. the mayor declared. until he
was compelled 20 pay "a fine for break
ing the automobile speed limit.
- editor was made that time but
- as destined 10 DC madden. IL 50
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12

proved the fire department, increased
the police force, and took little River
Park into the sheltering bosom of
South Bend. What's more, his ad-
ministration has put the little cOmmu-
nifty on the water wagon for all time
TO come.
Did the annoyance of being mayor
ever get on your nerves." l asked
him.
"Oh, no, / got used to it," said ne
serenely.
Most of his critics were pretty de-
cent about il. the mayor said. They
didn't take their grievances up with
him after office hours and they could
forget them once in a While.
"All but that newspaper" he cor
rected himself with a smile.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12

happened, sometime after that, when
the editor was driving n the west end
that a boy throw a stone. As luck
would have il the stone tipped along
within speaking distance OF the edi-
tors ear
He laid his grievance before the
mayor The mayor assured him that
nothing but a policeman with wings
could give him the protection he de-
sired. The editor was mad again.
Still they both forgot and forSaVe.
One day the editor tried q little dip
lomacy on the mayor.
Il want to say something nice about
YOU" said the editor ingratiatingly.
Il want TO print an editorial tomOr-
row saying that you are going to clean
up the town"
Man" said the mayor Indignantly.
don't you know when you are living
in "A clean town."
There was a difference of opinion
and some words The mayor told the
editor where he could go.
Il couldn't tell you where l told
him to go" said he to me APOLOGIZE
cally.
And now" continued the mayor
with a sly smile, I'VE do not speak Us
we pass by
There was one thing Mayor Goetz
QlOn count on Wnen lie dSplIeu 10 nc
mayor of South Bend,-the ingratitude
of his constituents. In their exasper-
alton at the things they say he didn't
do they entirely overlook the things
he did. he declares.
Many Achievements.
And there is a long string of
achievements He dug sewers. or
rather had them dug, paved streets,
extended the electric light system.
bought parks, and a water plant, inn
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12

ROCHESTER.-AS the result of
mistakes that have come to light re-
garding the past city election and the
fact that five more ballots were cast
in one ward than were accounted for
by poll clerks, Ed Vawter, democratic
candidate for large,
has filed a petition in circuit court
asking for a recount William Hanna,
republican, was eected over Nawter.
by two votes. giving his party control
of the council.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12

FORT WAYNE.-Two men who
acted as 'sluggers' in the recent Gary
election riots, were arrested here
while they were selling coffee strain
ers. The men were working Gary
before the election and left town only
a day before. ON the day of the cleo
ton they returned and took part in
the riots. They escaped but were
spotted imediately in this city.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12
cARy-Peter Stendula. in an eff

CARY.-Peter Stendula. in an Ell
fort 10 cut down the high cost OF
living. bought Il little pigs last month
TO fatten for the winter. They We're
getting along fine when last week
three of them were found missing one
morning Two mornings later three
more were missing. Sunday morning
anothe,. trio disappeared. Monday
Stendull took no more chances and
butcherrd the remaining three. No
ace ol the missing pigs has been
found.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12

dreadnaught Benbow was successfully
launchee wednesday at Dalmuir-
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-11-12

DREADNAUGHT LAUNCHED.
LONDON, Nov. 12.-The super
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1913-03-16
HIDES $500 IN HER. z HAIR
Ruse of Absent Housewife's Sister Saves Roll of Cash, and Thief ,s <.
 Avoids Silver. H@u EE,

Pittsburgh-A daring burglar. was odtWitted by woman's sagacity and cunning after he had entered the res idence of Daniel J, Hurley, at No, Go50 Kedron avenue. Homewood.i seeking a big sum of money, which he evidents lys knew was somewhere in the house! The marauder, however, was neatly tricked by Miss Katherine Scanlon, a twenty y-five-year-old sister of Mrs. Hur- ley, who secreted roll of $500 in her hair. which she deftly coiled in fetch ing coffure on her head.
 Shortly after midnight Miss Scanlon, who had been left at home with the two-months-old son of MT. and Mrs. Hurley. while they went out to a re ception, heard some one downstairs in the dining-room. Going to the head of the stairs, she asked who was there.
 When she heard heavy footsteps as- cending the stairway the plucky young girl hurried into a bedroom, got the roll of money and hid 1t fin her beau, tiful hair. which she had been arrang- ing preparatory to retiring.
 When the burglar entered the room Miss Scanlon coolly asked him what he wanted, and he replied:
 Money; l know it's here, tool"
 The young woman declared the mon ey had been paid out that day: but the burglar was not satisfied, and searched her and forced her to take all the clothes from the baby in his efforts to locate the money. Finally turning to Miss Scanlon, the robbef said:
 There's lot of silverware and stuff here: but l was after money, ] don't want to harm you and the kid, so I'll say good-bye.'
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1913-03-16
MORMON SHAFT FOR SEAGULL
Brigham Youns's Scion Plans Me morial to Sacred Bird of Sect
 Exterminated Grasshoppers.

New York--1t is learned that Ma horri Young. grandson of Brigham Young. leader of the Mormon church, is at work in this city modellng a unique monument to the seagull This bird is sacred to the Mormons because it saved the first immigrants to Utah from plague of grasshoppers. It is said that the monument. which will be carved, will cost S40.000 It will be placed ill the grounds of the Mormon temple at Salt Lake City. With such costly monument the seagull ap. parently has a greater tribute of this kind paid it than any other bird.
 At the base of the monument one side is to be devoted to an inscrip- ton and the remaining three will have tow relief sculptures depicting the ar. rival of the Mormors in Utah. the say ing of their first crop by the seagulls and the first harvest.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1913-03-16
SMALL PAY AND LONG HOURS
Paris Woman Recites Her Experience as Seeker of Work in Metropoli-
 tan Daily Newspaper.

Paris.-Some of the opportunities a young woman has of earning her liv- ing are shown by Mile. Bertha De launay, who in -Le Matin" describes her search for employment
 At we'll known dressmaker's in the Rue de la PaiX she was informed that for transacting correspondence in English, French and Spanish she would Dc paid se month and given two bonuses year, but she would have to wait some time before the position was vacant.
 4 ntitliner offered her G5 month, her luncheon and 9 small percentage on sales.
 She applied for & situation as inter- preter at well-known hotel in the Champs Eiysees. Her hours were to be from g. m. until midnight. She was to take her meals with the hall porter and her salary would he 97 a month.
 At 6 popular beer house Mile. De launay was promised five guineas. g month for fourteen-hour day. W an inducement to accept the situatik she was informed that the food Was good and plentiful and that she could have as much beer as she wantsSa '
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1913-03-16

it win be HOO feet deep. For miles it will range between 700 and 500 feet below the city's doorsteps. It will cost $200,000,000 or whereabouts, and will supply the needs of the city for the next generation, just as it is hoped that the new subway can be stretched to fit the straphangers' demands for half century. The two enterprises. forced by conditions upon the city, will cost $500, 900, 900.
 It should be noted that New York s net funded debt is $794,949. .404-as- sessed against 5,000,000 people-on which the annual interest is $35,473,- 6S5 The total debt of the nation is $l,027,57 .000, on which interest amounting only to s22,7S7 900 is paid and which is shared by 96,000000 peo, pie
 Superlatives seem to be justified.
 The present subway was built tc carry 100000 people daily. It is carry ing two and one-half times that mum Der, thanks to the straphanging genius of the New Yorker.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1913-03-16
ODD FACTS ABOUT HEREDITY
co'or-6ilndness Descends from Male to Female, or Vice Versa, De.
 clares London Professor.

misunderstanding at the Royal institute on "Heredity of Sex" Prof. BatesOn relates some curious facts which have been discovered as re- suit of examining several generations of family in which color blindness appeared.
 A color blind woman, he said is very rarely found and she always is daughter of a colorblind man. Her sons and daughters would be normal, her sons families would be normal, but if her daughter had sons, they would be found to be normal and color-blind in equal numbers.
 A curious anomaly with reference to color blindness appeared in twins They were girls, exactly alike in ap- psarance. but one was color blind and the other was not No explanation of this exception had been found. Prof. Bateson said there is a popular be- lief that sons in certain respects took after mothers and daughters after fathers. Within reasonable range of speculation this is true, he said
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1913-03-16
DIVORCE IN DECLINE
Los Angeles Plan Lowers Rec- ords in Court SO Per Cent.
Homes Are Not Broken Up and City Enforces Payments of Aimony, and Soon Husbands and
 Wives Make Up.

Los Angeles, Cal.--That 50 per cent of the cases of trouble between man and wife, which formerly would have ended in divorce and the breaking up of q home, now end in reconciliation under the system of "divorceless" ali mony, is the statement of Hugh C.. Gibson, chief probation officer; and that much larger percentage could be saved from divorce if larger staff and more means were obtainable is the opinion he advances as result of trying this system for two years.
 The "divorceless" alimony consists in the payment of alimony without di- vorce proceedings, and has been in effect since January 1, 1911, when it became law that failure to provide is a felony. Before that time the only redress a woman had on this ground was divorce. Now she may apply to the courts or the probation depart ment, if there are children, on the ground of felony-and hubby" must pay up, the alternative being the rock pile.
 And if he goes on the rock pile at $1.50 day-more than the average man makes, according to Gibson-the court collects the entire amount and pays it to his wife and children.
 q believe fully half our cases are saved from divorce now" said MT. Gibson. 'In a year we must average 500 cases where there is failure to nrNyi6o. noci1xy OE0 nf that number from divorce. Unless the trouble is very real and hard mans heart is apt to soften toward his wife and babies within a few months, and in five per cent. of the cases, within sixty or ninety days he , makes oyertures of peace and effects reconciliation. Of course we con- tinue to keep supervision over the families-particular if there are children. And sometimes the peace business doesn't go, and they are back on our hands; but usually it sticks. and instead of divorce ruined home and children without father, there is a happy home with everything as it should be- i5 .i@. r.
 "1n the last year we have handled approximately s15,oo0 in this divorce, less alimony money. We cannot take more than sixty per cent. of mans earnings. and we have no set ratio The amount is fixed in accordance not only with what he makes but with his wife's condition, the number of chill dren, and other matters affecting their needs.
 Could we handle other specific di- vorce charges, such as drunkenness, or 'affinities,' and save fifty per cent. ? l don't know about the fifty per cent. because we haven't experimented, but we certainly could prevent many cases of divorce-many cases"
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1913-03-16
PLAN TO AID CAR EMPLOYES
Offer to inaugurate Cooperative Sys' tenn Whereby Workers May Pur-
 chase Necessities at Cost.

New York-The inauguration of a cooperative plan for all employees of the New York subway and elevated lines and the surface lines of the New York Railways company which Will enable them to purchase at cost the necessities of life, was announced by Theodore F. Shonts, president of the Interborough Rapid Transit company and affiliated lines.
 An increase of wages amounting to S15O. .Oo0 a year also was announced. affecting about $500 men on the sur face lines.
 After the approval of the employees Is received a store will be established stocked as a general grocery and meat market. It is declared that 3 saving of from 20 to 30 per cent would result to the employees.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1913-03-16
HOBOES THREW J. E. HOW OUT
They Didn't Like the Millionaire Lead er's Ideas of Philanthropy-A "PhilosophcaI Anarchist"
 How Says.

New Orleans.-James Eads How or St. Louis, the self-styled millionaire hobo leader" who first organized "the Casual, Unskilled and Migratory Workers of the World" and called the first national hobo convention, was re- pudiated as leader by the hoboes in convention here recently. How tried to inject socialism into the proceed ings and was told to get cut.
 Tired of How and the fight between him and President Jeff Davis over the question of socialism, the hoboes broke up the convention of the "Internation- al Brotherhood Welfare Association" threw How and his principles out and organized hobo mass meeting" How said he was not a Socialist, but merely a philosophical anarchist" and tried to tell the delegates that Jeff Davis was himself dyed-in-the- wool Socialist. The hohoes, however, howled How down and stood by Davis.
 Down with How and his postage stamp philanthropy, he has never giv- en us any of his mythical millions" shouted Davis, and the hoboes yelled.
 This ain't no political hot air gang" shouted one of the delegates, "and we ain't going to let you fellows spoil our convention"
 President Davis said the convention had been called to consider the well fare of the boys who are up against it, and he did not believe they should be forced to listen to lot of rot about socialism from those who have axes te grind' u
 After appropriating one dollar for the purchase of tobacco for hoboes in jail here the convention adjourned to meet in the open air on the river front the following afternoon.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1913-03-16
WHATsOUR HOUSEHOLDS COS '
Ten Billion Dollars a Year Is FigNTr Arrived at by Professor
 Muensterberg.

New York-The women of the United States spend nearly $10,ooe- 000,000 a year for maintaining the households of the country, according to Prof. Hugo Muensterberg of Har yard in statement which is causing much discussion among New Yolb women just now. In woman's handa' ness of the United States, for the va It expenditures of the government ytseil are insignificant beside such 2. t"a- mendous budget.
 The only rival of housekeeping aa an industry is agriculture. The total value of the products of agriculture jn the United States is also about $10,- 000,O00,000 a year. But 1t should he remembered that that figure is for the output, the finished product of the farms, while the expenditure If the housewives is only for the raw nat0 rials from which by their owD labor and management they create the real values of the home-a finished product which can hardly be estimated in financial terms.
 The Harvard professor points out that, with such tremendous business undertaking on their hands, the Wom- en of the country do not fit themselves for their highly technical and profes- sional duties with that deeper knowl- edge of the material, it's sources, it's effects, its characteristics, which would be demanded of any other large economic transactions He laments the bargain craze, and urges more care, not for the dress of the house. keeper, but for the dress of the home, which, he says, is even more impor- tant
 For all which remarks the women of New York are expressing their thanks to the learned professor and quietly wondering among themselves what kind of home he is used to seeing in the neighborhood of Harvard square,