The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-06-19
ABatch ofSmiles

President Wilson. thanks to his
training at Princeton. but in greater
part to his tact. is said to receive and
dismiss visitors more adroitly than
n former occupant Of the White
House.
sometimes. however. a stupid visitor
turns up. n then President Wilson's
tact Is unappreciated and the visitor
overstays his time. Apropos Of such
visitors. the president at a luncheon
in Washington told a tory.
There was an old fellow, he said.
who was praising the rising young
lawyer Of the town.
George, for a busy man. said the
old fellow, is n of the pleasantest
chaps l ever met. Why, I dropped in
on him for a social call this morning
and ] hadn't been chattin' with him
more than fifteen minutes before he'd
told me three times to come and see
him again."
Solomon n Moses. while walking
by the canal, saw a notice board which
stated that five shillings would be paid
to whoever rescued another man from
drowning. 1t didn't take them o
than A minute to arrang that n
should fall in and be saved by the 9TH
er and the stakes divided. In went
Sol and found 1t rather deeper than
he expected. However. he splashed
about, crying:
Come on. Moses. Save me-"
Moses hesitated.
Sol" he said. 1--WE been reading
that notice board again. and it says:
Ten shillings for a dead body Now,
do be reasonable"
stubb-what's the trouble. old
chap? You look angry enough to
fight.
Penn-oh, I'm sizzling, it took me
an hour to button up my wife's waist
in the back. and then l told her a joke
and she laughed SO much the buttons
all few open. What's the use in tell
Ing a woman a joke. anyway? 2"
A one-armed man entered a restau-
rant at noon and seated himself next
a dapper little Observation-Disclosures
man. The latter at once noticed hts
neighbours right sleeve hanging loose
and kept cycling it in a how-did -it-hap-
man paid no attention to him.. He
changed his position. cleared his
throat, and said, II beg pardon, sir,
but l see you have lost an arm"
The one-armed man picked up his
sleeve with his left hand and peered
anxiously into 1t. BLESS my SOUL" he
exclaimed. looking up with great IT.
prise, II do believe you're right"
You have a pretty tough looking
lot Of customers to dispose Of this
morning. haven't you:?" remarked the
friend of a magistrate who had drop
ped in at the police court.
Huh" rejoined the dispenser OF
justice. you are looking at the
wrong bunch. Those are lawyers"
The lesson in history was in prog
ress, and in vain the teacher coaxed
frightened up. She had reached the
star pupil of her little class.
Now, Tommy" she said, Mary
followed Edward ". and who follow
ed Nary"
Yes, tommy knew that. and his an
teacher" he shouted triumphantly.
The teacher was hearing her class
Of small boys in mathematics.
Edgar" she said, "if our father
can do a piece Of work in seven days.
and your Uncle William can do it in
nine days. how long would 1t take
both of them to dorit?"
.w sTssy ,s woo' soy ;9es: sLr ass done; they aey
would sit down and tell fish stories."
Having tried un~successfully various
highly recommended recipes for dis
lodging selfish passengers from coveted
seats the woman who swung from a
strap in front Of the sandy mar tried
talking at him to her husband. As a
peroration to her harangue, she said
impressively:
If you, James. should aver be pig
gish enough to sit down while there
was a woman in the a left standing.
I would never speak to you again as
long az I live"
The sandy man looked up then.
Lucky devil" he said. Mot many
Of us could purchase peace at tina,
price"