davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10

Sure / would" declared the JAM
tor. "Why not? What would want
more thar common sense and aver
age honesty. Suppose amt had no
experience! Who has, that's wanted!
Amt there such things as secreta-
ries?
Bluff! ] take it as compliment.
You bet I'd make a bluff at it, and if
got called wouldn't be in no worse
shape than some of them that's held
down the job before me. Look around
you, Nels. my friend. Look around
you and read the papers and then tell
me if the buffers amt on top of the
heap. Look at the bluf1ng blow
-lards that's presiding over the courts
and the brass-bound bluffs that's away
up in the army and the boodling bluffs
that's running some of our city gov
ernments! Once in while one of
'em finds out that all the clock needs
is winding. and winds it, and then
men of high attachments at a low sal
they name cigars after him and fol-
low him around with bands Of music;
but the most of 'em hires modest
men of high attachments at low sal
airy and takes the responsibility and
the money that there is in it and any
credit that their friends give 'em and
puts their thumbs in the armholes of
their vests. And why not? Why am
l asserting here on the stairs at my
ease and why are you bearing down
on the shammy with the sweat rum
ming down your nose and listening re-
spectfully to my remarks? Because
you're a modest man and I'm not.
That's all for the present, Nels,"
concluded the janitor, getting up and
pushing his subordinate gently from
the door. Me and this four bits have
got an appointment with Deveney at
his place of business and it may keep
me for the rest of the morning. Think
over what I've said while I'm gone
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
The Basement
Philosopher
BY KENNETH HARRIS
(copyright. 1913. BY w. c. Chapman

AS the janitor descended the stairs
from the corner apartment on the sec
ond floor, he found his Scandinavian
assistant busily polishing the handle
of the vestibule door. The assistant
looked up with his usual amiable grin
and the janitor seated himself on the
lowest stair and cleared his throat
with his usual preliminary cough.
"Nels, my friend said the janitor,
"just to show you that I'm good fell
low and amt thinking of my own
selfish interests all the time, I'll tell
a friend and a good fellow, it's my
duty to tell you that you are one
large-sized mutt. Why? Because
when lady asks you if you can fix
her forty dollar clock for her you
shake your silly head and tell her
that you can't. Consequently you
lose her respect and you miss your
chance of her slipping you any little
sign and token of it--like this.
The janitor opened his hand and
displayed half-dollar nesting coyly
in the palm; then he stretched his
leg and put the coin into his trousers
pocket.
How did you know that you
couldn't fix it till you tried, you
chump?" he inquired. "You amt no
clockmaker? It's pipe you amt, bue
she amt supposed to know it, is She?
What did I do? / looked as if I was
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
STORY OF RELICS AT GHIzEH
Prof. Flinders PetrIe Reveals Secrets
of Egyptian Tombs In Col
leqe Lecture.

London.-Prof. Flinders Petrie. in
lecture at University college, Cover
street, told tragic story of the fate
Of tomb plunderer. The famous Egyp-
tologist was giving further details of
mis- labors in the past season on behalf
OF the British School Of Archaeology
In Egypt and referred to the work
which had been carried on at Ghizeh.
Excavations, said the professor, had
been made on the site, and large Gene
teries had been cleared, revealing i'm
mense stone tombs, with chambers,
similar to those in the pyramids. One
OF these tombs had been attacked by
plunderer. The man had crawled
through a small hole, had found jew.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
MRS. NEWLY MADE AT MARKET
Starts Right Off to Show Grocer She
Knows What's What-And
the Result.

Hints on Going to Market" MUIR
INJURED Mrs. Newlymade to herself,
running practiced finger down the
index in the back of the Young
Housekeeper's Friend and Guide.
Here it is, on page Chin, yes.
Green peas,'" she read, "'when fresh
and young, have bright green pods.
Never buy those that have become
yellow; they have passed their
prime"
With a confident step Mrs. Newly
made entered the corner grocery and
walked up to the vegetable counter,
She settled her glasses firmly upon her
nose, and scanned with a critical eye
the stock that was displayed. She
frowned a little when she say that
there were no peas with fresh-looking
pods.
Il wanted to get some green peas, !"
replied Mrs. Newlymade, "but don't
want these; they're not fit to eat when
they're as yellow as that. That's a
sure sign they're old. These are so old
they're almost pure white. I shouldn't
think you'd ever get anybody to buy
such poor-looking things"
Mrs. Newlymade looked very severe
ly at the grocer, who grew very red,
turned away and coughed with en-
barrasment.
I should think he would be
ashamed, thought Mrs. Newlymade,
but he needn't think / don't know
what's what. He might just as well
understand he can't work off any old
stale stock on me, if ! am new at
housekeeping!
The grocer walked down to the end
of the counter and laid his hand on a
basket. Here's some green peas over
here, ma'am,' he said, huskily, wiping
his eyes after his coughing spell.
Them things you're lookin' at there
are wax beans!" -Youth's Companion
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10

elry and had been on the point of re-
moving it when his death came. The
roof fell and crushed his life out. He
was found lying dead over the body
he had come to rob of its treasures. A
pectoral with valuable stones was
found by the excavators, who removed
the two bodies and cleared the grave,
and" said the lecturer, I'VE have
made arrangements whereby we shall
have that beautiful piece of jewelry
in England, and it will form one of
the principal features OF our exhibit
ton In July"
One of the most interesting tombs
was painted one In rock, and it was
found only after the excavators had
gone down a shaft over twenty feet
deep. The tomb belonged to one SEN
mertera, who lived in the thirteenth
dynasty, and he and his family are
represented, in pictures with offerings
for the dead. The illustrations are
made along the sides of a chamber ten
feet long, and the ceiling is painted
with peculiar pattern OF crosses. An
other tomb, of SinaZet, was rich IN
finds. In it was beautifully painted
coffin OF great size, on which were
drawn figures OF the clothing, orna-
ments. tools, wigs and weapons Of the
period, but unfortunately the coffin
was too far gone for any hope Of its
preservation to be entertained, and
sketch made by Mrs. Petrie was all
that could be had.
"Our work has proved" said Profess
sor Petrie, chat the culture which was
the possession OF the people of that
part before the founding Of Memphis
was higher than is popularity sup
posed, and was very like the culture
of the people of the present day. We
have seen the difference between the
forms OF burial Of the prehistoric
people and the burial of the dynastic
people, and we are forced to the con-
clusion that the district was invaded
by a number of men belonging to a
clan which must have been closely
related.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10

the guy that invented clocks, to be-
gin with. Then says, Might srou-
BILE you for newspaper, ma'am?'
says, and small screwdriver and q
pair of fine tweezers, if it amt too
much trouble Then when she'd gone
nut of the room, wound Mister clock
up. She comes back in a minute or
two and lifted the clock down onto
the paper and took the back off and
made careful jab or two inside and
ahoved the regulator over to fast a
totch or two and jiggled the pendu-
ium. Then I screwed the back on,
put her back ION the mantel and
started her up. You won't have no
more trouble with it If you wind it
regular, ma am I says. Thank you,
ma'am,' says I. All there was, the
blame thing had run down.
''What would I have done if it had
been wound up? Well, I might have
jabbed it hard enough to start some
thing. If that didn't work I'd have
told her that the eccentric pinion had
damned on the balance cam and
thrown the secondary governor out
of gear and that it would take a spe-
cial tool which / hadn't got to put it
right Then I'd have recommended a
friend Of mine that was in the bust
ness, and got my tip just the same,
and maybe a little rake-off on the
side, and the lady would have had a
high opinion of my intelligence.
"You take it from me. Nels, there's
no need of going around telling what
you don't know and can't do. Try it
a whirl, anyway, first. My old man
used to tell me that a modest dog
missed much meat and as far as
the principle of the thing goes, he
was right. Where the saying fails
down is that there amt no modest
dogs. A dogs got too darn much
sense to hang back when there's a
meaty bone in sight-unless there's
q bigger dog has grabbed it off, and
l wouldn't call that 'modesty.' Most
81 rally this here modesty means a
lack of sand. The modest guy is the
one that's afraid the job is too big
for him to tackle and he won't try.
He hates to take a chance. Some
body might give him the ha-ha, and
he's too modest to stand for that.
''The trouble with you is that you
amt naturalized yet. If / was run
ming things in the immigration de-
partment I'd let in a few epileptics
and anarchists and turn back all them
that was afflicted with modesty. 1t
amt American. The American idea
Is to tackle any old thing and do your
level best to make good. Talking of
departments. along last February,
John Deveney comes to me and says
he, The doctors having trouble flnd-
ing competent and willing Democrats
to fill his cabinet, I'm informed. Now,
Mike. would you take the interior or
the agriculture or something, if it was
offered? I'm sounding you first be-
cause the doctor would not like to run
the risk and humiliation of a public
refusal
Would l take it, / says. Lead
me to it. Any one of 'em or all Of
emf
.sYou big bluff!' says he, Z hon.
silly believe you would
y
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
Absurd CONGRESSES,

Andrew Carnegie, in his advocacy
Of universal peace, has no faith In
half measures.
These congresses" he once said in
New York; these congresses that adj
'ocate, not universal peace, but small
ef bullets gentler bombardments and
less destructive bombs annoy me.
When We succeed, thanks to such
congresses, in eliminating savagery
from war, then it will be quite in order
lof Us to proceed to eliminate the
darkness from night"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
UnanswerabIe.

Simeon Ford, New York's we'll
known humorist. said whimsically the
other day, apropos OF the death of j.
Pierpont Morgan: I'VE learn from
Mr.. Morgan's life that wealth does
not bring happiness. We know al
ready that poverty doesn't bring it,
either. What on earth then is man
to do?"-Argonaut.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
Their First Tiff.

I'm sorry l ever married youl"
shrieked the bride, on the occasion of
their first quarrel.
You ought to bel" retorted the
groom, really angry and bitter for the
first time. You beat some nice girl
out Of good husband
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
Alexandria.

Alexandria is Egypt's principal port
and commercial center. According to
statistics taken in 1908, Alexandria
occupies third place among Mediter-
Tanean ports. Twenty-one ocean navi
cation companies maintain a regular
scheduled service at Alexandria.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10

promptly the suffering due to weak. in
active kidneys and painful bladdeT action
They offer a powerful help to nature
in building up the true excreting kid
ney tissue, in restoring normal action
and in regulating bladder irregularities
Try them.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10

and if an automobile stalls by the
door and they ask you if you can fix
l., don't be modest. Unscrew every
thing that you feel equal to screwing
up again and. when you've done that,
pour gallon Of gasoline in the tank
and pocket the five-spot they give
you. So long!"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
Malicious Hint.

MY ancestors came over with VIII
liam the Conqueror."
But they wouldn't, you know, II
they'd had a good immigration law
then
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
r,,.d POSING as @september Morn"

Fined Posing as september Morn.
Harrisburg, Pa Miss Ida Deal an
actress. who posed as september
Morn. in the waters Of the Susque.
hanna river recently was fined Soc
Nv Mayor Royal. An ordinance de-
fned her action as "disorderiy prac'
lice and offending the morals OF tne
community"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10

Far tbe treatment of colds, sore throat.
etc Deans Mentholated Cough Drops give
sure reIef-5c at all good Druggists.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
The MAY.

How on earth do you start to gain
q standing in society?"
by first getting footing"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
It's Nav.

~ hear there is new comet COM
ing"
Yes, and on a special train"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10

Mrs. winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces inf1amma-
tion, allays pain cures wind collie Csc bottleAds
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10
Too Much Of II.

"Mirth reigned last night"
Yes, and when I got home my wife
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10

Some men never borrow trouble;
they buy 1t outright.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-10-10

Love is apt to blockade the side
walk; this makes the world go round.
The San Francisco call., 1913-08-04
NIL 7ANTs VARY
81. PAUL s CHANT
TO SUI RACE PLEA
Save Ernrneline Pankhurst'
Heard Above Singing of
Litany;; Forty Dis
turbers Elected

LONDON, Aug. 3.--A party of 40
well dressed suffragettes interrupted
the morning service at st. Paul's ca
.thedral today by chanting a prayer In
behalf Of Mrs. Emmeline Pankhurst.
Ushers elected the women from the
edihce after scuffle In which several
chairs were upset.
The disturbance took place during
the singing of the litany. The women,
who had front seats in the center
aisle, chantedl loudly:
Save Emmeline Pankhurst
Spare her: spare. her
Give her light and set her free.
Save her: save her.
Hear US while we pray TO thee
Evidently the chant had been re-
hearsed. 1t was in the same tune the
choir had been singing
When the women began their chant
ushers rushed toward them from all
parts of the cathedral. while numerous
members of the congregation remon-
strated with the disturbers. telling
them to remember that they were in
church.
The suffragettes, however. repeated
their chant three or four times. each
time in louder key
A majority of them finally were led
out quietly by the ushers. but a half
dosen or so clung to their chairs and
fought against ejectment.
The San Francisco call., 1913-08-04
4 P|NNED D I|NQE:R
A BLAZING AUTO
Chorus Girl and Three Com
panions Saved in Wreck
Near San Jose
fsoeeisl pisnatch to The calD

fSneeisi Disnatcb to The Cali
SAN JOSE. Aug. 3.-Four autoists
had a miraculous escape from death
this afternoon near Coyote. II miles
south of San lose, when their automo-
bile turned turtle and caught fire with
the passengers pinned beneath 1t. They
were Dennis Herliky of the Bulletin;
James Reynolds. AL First street; Miss
Eva Stone. all of San Francisco. and
William Sudberg of Salinas
Miss Stone is q chorus girl With the
Raymond Teal company in Salinas
They were riding in Sudberg's ma
chine. The auto was swerved to the
side of the road to allow team and
motorcycle to pass and overturned.
C. A Wheeler. 211o Polk street, San
Francisco, was preceding the other
machine and happened to glance back
and came to the rescue. He used a
hand extinguisher and pulled Herliky
out and revived him.
They lifted the car and the other
three were extricated unconscious.
Wheeler rushed the four TO San Jose
hospital where it was found none OF
them incurred serious injuries. Miss
Stone suffered a wrenched ankle.
The San Francisco call., 1913-08-04
WALTER DEMARA ACCUSED
Florodora Girl Wants Divorce
San Mateo Resident Is
Defendant in Sensa-
tiona1 Suit
Especial Dispatch to The Caln

Especial Dispatch to The CALI
ASHTABULA. Aug. 3.-Afarriage has
proven failure to at least one of the
original Florodora girls who was on
the stage at the Madison Square ROOF
garden when Harry Thaw shot STAN
ford White.
May Rollins Denara. who has inst
completed beautiful home here. has
|applied for divorce from her husband
Walter Denaara. one of the most prom
inent long distance bicycle riders o.
the world. May says that she wants to
drop from her name the handle whic',
was placed on it when. she became the
wife of Walter. She wants to be known
hereafter as May Rollins. the title she
says which will earn her the money :
the one BY which Broadway knows her.
Life in this little city of 20 900 is too
dull for MAY. She has no opportunity
here to earn living in her profession.
The White Way beckons to her and she
will obey its command.
CRUEI. TREATMENT ALLEGED
In her petition for divorce. which was
filed in the common pleas court here
May claims that Walter. ever since
their marriage in Conneaut. o.. May 10
1910, has refused to support her. and
she has. had to take care of herself.
She further alleges that ever since the
nuptisl day Walter .shas called her
vile, profane and indecent names. and
on several occasions has threatened to
do her. personal injury"
She has instructed her attorney to
send copy Of the petition to her hus
band, who is now located at San
Mateo. Cal
During the last summer. when May
erected her pretty bungalow home
here, which is located on what is
known as Bunker Hill. carpenters were
scarce. so she assisted in the shingling
This departure caused quite lot of
talk in the aristocratic section. but did
not prevent May from donning her
working clothes and reporting on the
job as soon as any of the worlxmen arr
looked after the work and was careful
that not flaw appeared In any piece
in the inlaid floors or any OF the In
terror furnishings.
BEAUTY OF sOMBER NATURE
II have carried out in my house my
desire for beauty OF romber nature
such as I have seen in some OF the
beautiful homes in which have sung,
and which line of work. with club en-
gaeements. like best in my Hne. she
said.
While May was driving nails 1t II
probable that with each blow there
were thoughts of the happiness that
she and Walter would have IN their
little nest. BY giving her assistance
she had reason to believe that the.
quicker the bungalow was completed
the sooner Walter would return. But
alas, dreamlands illusions had, is
usual, no solid foundation. and there
will be no billing and cooling.
The San Francisco call., 1913-08-04

FOUR THUMBS ON
WOODLAND HINDU
Eats With Two KNIVES and Can
Thread a Needle With Either
Extra Digit

Especial Dispatch to The Caln
WOODLAND, Aug. "a Hindu la
borer with foiir thumbs. two on each
hand. twelve fingers In all. attracted
so much attention here today, Secretary
H. 8. Maddox OF the Fair association
is considering the advisability Of sign
ing him up as one of the attractions
on the midway for the approaching
Yolo county fair.
The Hindu manipulates two knives IN
his right hand as dexterously as an
ordinary man can WELD one.
He threads needle with any OF the
four thumbs.
The San Francisco call., 1913-08-04
MORMON ELDERS OPPOSED
Atlantic City Resumes Fight to Keep
Them From Preaching

ATLANTIC CITY, n. j., Aug. g.
Two Mormon elders from Utah, who
have been trying to hold meetings
here, were told today It would be dam
gerous to attempt another gathering,
and desisted In consequence.
The San Francisco call., 1913-08-04
rs FOOT MOTORBOAT is
COMING BY PANAMA CANAL
San Francisco on Long
Trfp

EAsTPORT. Me-, Aug. Bound for
San Francisco by way Of the Panama
canal In 2S foot motor and sailboat
Captain Matthias Johnston OF Perth
Arnboy. n. J., sailed today from Todds
Head. the most easterly point In the
United States. The craft is gig whale
boat from the United States cruiser
Olympia and has a beam Of feet. .
inches&
The San Francisco call., 1913-08-04
JOHN WILL SEE THE WORLD
Kansas City OniciaI. Never Out Of
Town. Going ON Vacation

KANSAS CITY. Aug s.-John Me-
GIynn, Jackson county deputy sheriff,
aged 20, has never ben outside the
city since his birth. Tomorrow he
starts on his first vacation with rela
tives in Cincinnati
The San Francisco call., 1913-08-04
8 BOYS BATHING
IN SURF DROWN
IN UNDERTOW
Two Caught in Current Die
in Ocean and Other Meets
Death at Bakers
Beach
LIFE SAVERS, RUSHED
TO SCENE, BAFFLED
Parents, Seeing Lads Cloth
ing, Get First News of
Tragedy
LIFE SAVERS, RUSHED
TO SCENE, BAFFLED

Caught in the powerful undertow,
three boys were drowned yesterday
afternoon. two OF them losing their
lives In the ocean opposite the Crest.
a roadhouse. and the other at Bakers
beach at the foot OF Thirtieth avenue.
Those drowned in the ocean were
George Garcia and Narciso Leyva. both
II years old. They had gone in swim
ming together
Rupert Hardy. II Years old. living
with his mother at 354 Thirtieth ave-
nne. was the victim at BakeSaerbeaeil
He had been in swimming with other
boys when he got beyond his depth and
was carried out by the current
Garcia, living at s44 Vallejo street.
and Leyva. of 40 John street, were ac-
eompanied in bathing by George and
Earl Devore. 1876 Forty eighth street.
and Russell Rush. I'LL stockton street.
Garcia and Leyva ventured several
Yards farther out than the other young
sters when they were suddenly caught
by a sweeping undertow and sucked
beneath the surface. Earl Devore made
heroic efforts to rescue his companions,
but without avail
LIFE SAVERS WORK FUTILE
Captain Nelson Of the Golden Gate
life saving station and his men re-
sponded to a cali. going to the beach
In an automobile Life savers with
the aid ofa line went into the water
I-.f
Later CAPTAIN Nelson had his men bring
a life boat from the station and for
two hours efforts were made to find
the bodies by means Of grab hooks.
BY most unusual coincidence.
young Garcia, since he left. school last
Offices of Drown. Leicester Drown
105 Montgomery street. Vincent Garcia
the father. is a jeweler The boy is
survived also BY mother two broth
ers and five sisters
Since graduating earlier in the year
at the Washington grammar school
with honors. young Leyva had been
employed as an apprentice at the Brode
Iron works, 81 Hawthorne street.
The boys left home at ] o'clock, saw
ing they were going for a car ride.
They said nothing to their parents
about their intentions of going into
the surf.
TAKES VICTIMS CLOTHES HOME
Lorey Mora. 1888 Mason street. also
was a member of the party but did
not go into the surf. When young
Mora realized that his friends had been
swept out to sea he gathered I'D the
clothing OF Garcia and Leyva and took
them to the parents of the boys That
was the first the families heard OF the
accident
Young Hardy's mother is Mrs A.
Hardy, widow
Life savers from the Fort Point sta.
tion went to Bakers Beach some time
after the drowning, but were unable
to find the body. strong tide having
been running at the time.
Garcia and Leyva were caught by the
undertow at almost the same point
where Peter weniger, liquor dealer,
and John Hanley Of Sutter and SCOTT
streets were drowned several years
ago.