davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Chitina leader. [volume] (Chitina, Alaska) 1910-1928, 1913-01-28

House today.
The steamer Northwestern will
take large consignment of mail
from the local postoffice to Valdez,
from where it will be dispatched over
the trail to interior Alaska.
The steamer Northwestern will ar
| WASHINGTON, Jan. 25-As the
time approaches for the Democrats to
assume control of practically all
branches of the government the
breach widens among the leaders as
to how the tariff question will be
handled.
NEW YORK, Jan. 22-Theodore
Roosevelt has visited with the wo-
ed them to render all assistance in
his power, looking to a settlement of
their grievances.
SEATTLE, Jan. 22-The Milwau-
kee railroad is preparing to electrify
system between Seattle and Spo-
kane.
| WASHINGTON, Jan. % The
Army bill, carrying appropriations
for 94,000,O00, has passed the
House.
TARRYTOWN, Jan. 22- Miss
Helen Gould and Finley Shepard
were married today at noon, the pres
ents they received representing a
half million dollars.
COLUMBUS, Jan. 22-The Govern
or of Ohio has signed bill requiring
lobbyists to register and also to de-
clare by whom they are employed.
SEATTLE, Jan. 22-Oficer Nc
Nance, who broke into his room and
shot Leslie PEPPER, has been convicted
of assault.
SRINGFIELD, Jan. 22-An agree
ment has been entered into to in
crease the wages of two thausand en-
ployes of the Wabash railroad six per
cent
WASHINGTON, Jan. pa Com
mission of Scientists will establish a
purse for water standard.
WASHINGTON, Jan. 22-Five
state legislatures have today elected
United States Senators, as follows:
Oregon, DR.. Harry Lane, succeed
ing Jonathan Bourne; Minnesota,
Knute Nelson; Nebraska, George
Norris, succeeding Norris Brown;
Iowa, William Squire Kenyon; Rhode
Island, Judge Colt, succeeding Geo.
Peabody Wetmore.
TRENTON, Jan. 22-President-
elect Wilson in conference with
labor representatives told them that
efficiency, instead of politics, would
govern his appointments.
WASHINGTON, Jan. 22-Secre-
tary of Interior Fisher, in testifying
before the Investigating committee,
defended the ousting of the Usage
Indians from the oil lans
WASHINGTON, Jan. 22-It has
been decided that President Taft
will ride with President-elect Wilson
from the capitol to the White House
on March 3, after the latter has been
inaugurated.
WASHINGTON, Jan. 22-Repre-
sentative Glass declares that a panic
is probable unless there is radical
change in our financial systems.
WASHINGTON, Jan. % - The
Democrats in the House propose put
ting cattle and meats on the free list.
WASHINGTON, Jan. % - The
Alaska Railroad Commission, COM
posed of Major Morrow, DIR. Alfred
H. Brooks, Leonard M. Cox and Colin
NJ. Ingersoll, will submit their report
to President Taft the latter part of
the week, in which recommendations
will be made as to the best and most
feasible route to build and operate a
trunk railroad from a coast town to
interior Alaska.
SALT LAKE, Jan. 22-Henry Law
renee, wealthy Socialist, has been
elected mayor of this city.
ST. ANTHONY, Idaho, Jan. pa
fierce fire broke out this morning and
the firemen battled for five hours to
save the town from total destruction.
The loss amounts to $250,00O.
NEW YORK, Jan. 22-Banker c.
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
Matches & Umbrellas

An English Judge" said Justice
Lennon at a San Rafael dinner party
last week, recently decided that
matches and umbrellas were public
property and nobody could be prose-
cuted for taking either of them.
There's young lady typist in this
town who wouldn't agree with that
English judge.
'She was lunching at pennett's
when man took her umbrella by
mistake. She held him up sharply
and, with a smiling apology, the man
returned her umbrella and walked out.
"This man. on his way home that
evening, stopped at an umbrella shop
and got six umbrellas, the property
of various members of his family.
which had been getting mended. On
the car. afterwards, as he sat with his
six umbrellas on his lap. he noticed
the young lady of Dennett's.
When she rose to get off. the man
amidst his umbrellas gave her an en-
barrassed look, and she said ooldly,
as she passed him:
You seem to have had good day,
after all. ;"
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
LOUISA's REBELLION AGAINST
SENSATIONAL STORIES

Professor Bhaer - Herr Marsche,
that reminds me. Mees Marsche, she
tell me how you luf my Schiller, SO
make so bold as to bring my copy
for you to see (takes from pocket,
done up in one of the old fashioned,
luridly illustrated papers, like the
Fireside Companion, in black and
white. At sight of the paper the pro-
fessor frowns and quickly strips it
from the book. Ach, one of those
sensation papers with their horrid pic
lures. 1 am short sighted. sir. I did
not see him. Your pardon that
bring him to your home. These pa
pers are not for children to see or
young people 10 read. I hat no pa
thence with those who make this
harm.
Mr.. March Cooking at the paper
and accepting the book)-You are
right, sir. to put the paper from you.
Young people should not see such
things.
Professor Bhaer-I would more
rather gif children gunpowder to
play with than this bad trash.
Jo-All may not be bad, only silly,
you know; and If there is a demand
for II, don't see any harm In supply
ing it. Very many respectable people
make an honest living out of what
are called sensational stories.
Professor Bhaer (vehemently)-
There is demand for whisky. but !
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27

There was working for me at
one time." Polk is alleged to
have said, "a fellow who was an
excellent craftsman, but whose
ability as craftsman of draught
beer was more marked than his
professional skill.
When this chap was in his
cups he lost all sense of moral
responsibility and would steal
drawing implements from anv
one and pawn them for money
with which to buy drink. He
usually made good his pecuia-
tions when he sobered up. but
the habit was tiresome and / dis
charged him after his ninth of
fense. He did not take my ad-
monitions in good part, how
ever
What's the matter with you
architects? he demanded. You're
all alike. I've been fired before
for this same little thing, and it
isn't right. Here. there isn't an
architect in the country who
hasn't made his reputation by
stealing the dome from st.
Peters, or some columns from
the old Corinthians or Dorics, or
a Greek theater from some poor,
unknown fellow; and here, just
because I take a $24 set of r
squares. you fire me. 1t amt con-
sistent"
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
Elect Trick

At the dinner recently given by the
Pacific Cas- and Electric company in
celebration of the construction of it's
Lake Spaulding project one of the
stories told was that concerning a
lineman who had been short circuited
by corn instead of electric Juice
and was hailed before an Auburn po-
lice Judge.
You are charged with drunken
ness" said the magistrate sternly.
Yes, your honor" said the abject
prisoner at the bar
And that while in that condition
you attempted to look over tran
som. How do you account for such
conduct?"
..Yur honor, l am. an electrician"
What has that to do with it2'
Il think-maybe-tha l had peak
load on
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
q q
@

think you and / do not care to sell
it, If the respectable people knew
what harm they did, they would not
feel that the lifing was honest. They
have no right to put poison in the
sugar plum and let the small ones
eat it. No. they should think a little
and sweep mud in the streets before
they do this thing. And the people
who write these stories. not only men,
but women, / grieve to say, for in
doing so they desecrate their most
womanliest nature. To lif with
thieves, murders and criminals, even
though il is only in imagination. it
is to live in bad company. Gle
throws paper into the fire. Mr.. March
looking on, evidently amused at the
way 10 has taken her little lesson.
10 looks uncomfortable Mrs. March,
bending over her work, is smiling.
The professor rams the last vestige
of the paper into the blaze with the
poker.
Professor Bhaer-And 1 should like
to send all the rest after him. My
apologies to you Cooking at them
alD and with little whimsical
smile) to Schiller.
Mrs. March-Professor, will you
not stay to tea and meet the rest Of
the family? We should so much like
to have you
Professor Bhaer-Ach. / am sorrow
full. / must say no and take myself
quickly away from this so pleasant
home; but, after all, I tell Mees
March that l do myself the pleasure
to call this efening, message for
me come that ] must leave.
Mr.. March, wish that philosophy
paid better in this money loving
world, and then my girl wouldn't
have to be writing siurid tales (put-
ting his hands on her shoulder).
Jo-Well, Plato, "'The Dukes
Daughter" paid the butchers bill. "A
Phantom Hand" put down the new
carpet, and The Curse of the Cow
entrys" proved the blessing of the
Marchs in the way of groceries and
gowns, so the inside of my head can
at least take care of the outside.
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
mendous Hit at the Orpheum

Rube-Wel, how will two dollars
and seventy five cents strike you,
young man?
Ticket Seller-No
Rube-AIl right Now I won't go to
New York at all, and you don't get a
darned nickel out of me.
People who go TO apothecaries to
have their diseases prescribed for oc-
casionally get very strange diagnoses.
One day a farmer wearing a long
countenance is said to have entered
an apothecarys shop and remarked:
'T seem to have something queer in
my stomach and l want you to give
me something for it,
What are your symptomsg the
apothecary asked.
Every little while something seems
to rise up and then settle back again,
and by and by it rises up again"
The apothecary put his chin in the
palm of his hand and mediated.
Look here he said, gravely; you
haven't gone and swallowed an. ele-
vator, have you?"
A New Hampshire farmer was hard
a work on hilly, rocky farm so poor
you couldn't raise an umbrella on it
when a stranger passing by stopped
to sympat hize with him.
Stranger-Well, well, you must be
awfully poor to have to work on such
a farm as this.
Farmer Cindignantly)-Not by a
damned sight. / amt so poor as you
think I be. 1 don't own the land.
PatZewhere did you get the
medal?"
Mike-"For bravery"
Pat-'What did you do that was
brave2"
Married a widow and seven
children"
F Casey (after Riley has fallen FIVE
stories Are yez dead, Pat?'
Riley-"Oi am
Casey-~S ~Shure. yer such liar oi
don't know whittier to behave yez or
not.
Riley" "shure, that proves Orm
dead. Ye w'udn't dare call me liar
if yOi was aloive,"
Judge-''W your occupations"
Mike-"I'm a sailor.
Judge-'You don't look like a sail
or. I don't believe you were ever on
a ship
Mike-"Do you think 1 came from
ireland in hack?"
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
g The Candidate
BY WILLIAM F. KIRK

n DEHOLD the cheerful Candidate who hikes along the
IS He with fat cigar shakes your
He asks How is everythng?" although he does
If everything is awful or if everything is fair
He asks about wife and chdhe couldn't tell why:
You tell him you single, but he heeds your reply
He asks to have drink and makes clear
BY his uneasy actions that treats
He watches while drink he'd like
Il hope vote; that's why I'm treating
He for what he purchased down half
Says Se what all the boys will have then
Behold the cheerful Candidate who bustes his
And treats like brother just before election
He does the handshake that
But he much unlike lot of other
This world is full of handshakers saluting me
Who not cheerful candidates. and hope to be
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27

man, VINO ordered and ate with
gusto a dozen oysters, three lamb
chops, fried chicken, some sweet
potatoes and an order of celery.
When he had finished he drew
from his pocket a large clasp
knife. opened it and began toying
with the blade
What kind of a place is that
restaurant up the street?, he
asked
"Tain't much of place." said
the proprietor
Il didn't think it was. 1 had
a meal in there last night, Just
about like this one, and what do
you suppose that fellow had the
nerve to charge me?"
Il dunno, sah.' replied the
negro, timorously eyeing the
knife.
He charged me a quarter.
And I took out my knife and cut
off his ears and flung them in
his face. Then I knocked him
down and walked over his stom-
ach. oh, by the way, how much
do l owe you?"
about a dime, sah.' said the
darkey humbly. Not more'n a
dime"
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27

Gently the cow hooked the old man,
and now he is suing his son in law
for damages.
The verenabIe Judge of the county
doesn't fine the motorists for speed
ing as he used to- remarked the man
IN the big green touring car.
BY heck, no. drawled the rural
constable. You see, the judge took
in so much fines that, swing ding it,
he's gone and bought racing auto
mobile for himself
Woods-Who IS the champion light
weight in your town2
Lewis-The grocer.
Jack Meyer tells a story of an Irish
man who recently went before Judge
10 be naturalized-
Have you read the declaration of
independence? the court asked.
II hov not" said Pat
"Have YOU read the constitution of
the United States?"
IT hov not. yer honor"
The judge looked sternly at the ap-
plicant and asked:
Well what have you read?"
Patrick hesitated but the fraction
Of a second before replying:
I how red hairs on me neck. yer
honor
Rube-How much for ticket to
New York?
Ticket Seuer-Three dollars.
Rube-TH give you two dollars and
a half
Ticket seller-Get away from the
window and don't bother me
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
REFERRING TO THE BOOK,
LITTLE WOMEN,

Mr.. March-How is the book COM
ing on, 10? Any news from the pub
fishers?
Jo-Well, they have sent back the
first chapters-thought they were
dull. SO did /, but I have started
them out again. and now Gaughing)
] am sitting like Patience on a hard
chair smiling at an inkstand
Mr.. March-Life is your college,
dear, you will graduate with honors.
] know.
Jo-Well. disappointment must be
good for me, / get so much of it; and
the constant humping Fate gives me
may be a mellowing process, so
shall be ripe and sweet old pippin
before / die.
Mr.. March Laughing All the phil
osophy in the house is not in my
study, see.
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
Figgerative

"A schoolboy of H. said Prof.
Thomas r. Lounsbury. Yale's
authority on English, once gave
an apt illustration of figurative
usage. He gave it in a compost
tion, writing:
"A figgerative saying is-to
KEEP the wolf from the door. 1t
does not mean to KEEP a real. live
wolf from the door. A good in
stance Is when the landlord
comes for the rent. He knocks
at the door and you keep awful
quiet in the hope that he will
think there Is nobody in and go
away"
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
Then Xmas Spirits

The argument was growing bitter.
The lawyer, who has offices in the
First National Bank building. sud-
denly announced in vigorous tones:
Don't try to contradict me-"
You're not angry. are your" asked
his companion.
mo. I'm just warning you. This
is no time of year to contradict a
man who writes the Christmas gift
checks
Arm in arm they left the office to
seek solace and forget the argument.
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27

Meg-Such fun.
only see, a regu-
lar note in invi-
walton from Mrs.
Gardner. (waiv-
ing the note and
proceeding to
read, Beth comes
down to armchair
at fireplace, and
listens). Mrs.
Gardner would be
happy to see Miss
March and Miss
Josephine at a.
little dance ION
Christmas Eve"
| am sure Marmee
will let us go.
Now, what shall
we wear2
Jo (mouth full
of apple, of which
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
g. Great Scenes in Little Wemen" g
From the Dramatzaton Of Louisa NJ A1cotts Immortal
Story, by Marian de Forest--Cort Monday. Dec %

Cast your bread upon the waters,
and after many days it will come back
buttered." (This was another favorite
saying of Miss Alcott.) / can't do
much with my hands, but I'll make
battering ram out of my head and
beat living out of this topsy turvy
world Miss Alcott wrote this to her
sister. Meg, after receiving money for
her first story
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
Dealt i'm Futures

George SUPP, chief gunnymede
at the Palace buffet, said he re-
ceived a letter from a friend In a
small Nevada town recently. The
friend was to be operated on soon
for appendicitis, and sent SUPP the
following clipping from a country
weekly:
John will be removed to
a hospital in few days to be
operated on for appendicitis by
Doctor He will leave q
wife and three childrea4"
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
The Irrepressible Comedian Who Is Scoring a
The mea e $

The m e a n e s
man on record Is
said to be a Rube,
W b o live S in
Shrewsbury, Mass.
He sold his son in
law one-half a
COW, and then re-
fused to divide the
IN j X, maintain &
that he only sold
the front half.
The buyer was re-
quired TO provide
the feed the cow
C o n S u m e d, and
compelled to carry
water TO her three
times a day. Re
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
RICH MARRIAGES

Mrs. March-Money is a needful and
precious thing, and many times a
beautiful thing. but I'd rather see my
girls poor mems wives If they were
happy and contented than queens on
thrones without self-respect and
peace.
Jo-Marmee has always told US:
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
Professional
KleptOn1ania
Willis Polk,

Willis Polk,
architect o Z
many promi-
n e n t build
ings in San
Francisco and
known as a
man of un-
usual% origin
ality in the
p r o f e S S ion
w h i C h still
achieves most
striking re-
suits by copy
ing the works
of men who
h a V e b e e n
dead from 500
to $500 years,
is blamed for
A.
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
TEMPER

Mrs. March-Jo, dear, you think
your temper the worst in the world;
mine is just like it.
Io-Yours, Motheri Why, you are
never angry.
Mrs. Marcs-My dear, I have been
trying TO cure it for 40 years and
have only succeeded in controlling it.
] still have to learn not to feel ii,
though that may take me another
40 years.
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
Victuals VS.. Ears
Irwin Cobb,

Irwin Cobb,
the humorist,
D a S s e d
through San
Francisco last
$ p r ! n g and
left this story
In loiter be-
hind:
D o W n in
Paducah two
darkies an
rival restau-
rants in the
S a m e street.
Into one of
these places
o n e evenin e
came a six
foot " n / 4 q
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27

fresh bite)-What's the use of asking
that. when you know we shall have
to wear our poplins because we
haven't anything else?
Meg-The burnt
Jo-Yes. scorchsd IT, standing
with my back TO the IRE (Amy and
Beth sexclaim.)
Amy-Another one of your boyish
tricks. 10. you are certainly incor-
rigible.
10 (too exercised about her frock
to laugh at Amy's blunder)-That
burn shows dreadfully-and L can't
take IT out
Beth-Can't you drop little vel
vet bow on it?
Amy Cover her shoulder)-would'n Mt
that look nice? a bow in the middle
OF her back,
Meg-You must stay still all you
can and keep your back out of sight.
Your trout is all right.
CThe beautiful faith and trust of
Bronson AIcott brought out in the
thought of Mrs. March when sent for
and no money to go with.)
Mrs. .March-Father needs me, ana
some way viii be provided. Hope
and keep busy. (This was a pet say
ing of Louisa Alcott) Remember,
YOU can never be fatherless.
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
No Place to Judge

~ HE argu-
men grew
h e a I e d.
The three put
down t 4 g i r
& ] a S s es and
adjourned to
the curb on
Powell street.
The question
under discus
sion was:
Does a horse
S t a r t i n g
step out with
his right foot
or h | s | e ( t
foot?"
They waited
eight minutes.
Only automo-
b | | e s a n d
taxis started.
Then they ad-
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27
JOS FIRST LOVE SYMPTOM

Mrs. March-You seem much inter
ested in the professor, 10.
Jo-Well, he advised me to study
simple, true characters, and I pro-
ceeded to study him. I find him a
great puzzle. He is not fascinating or
brilliant, and yet people gather about
him as naturally as about a genial
fire. He is poor, yet he always ap-
pears to be. giving something away.
He is a stranger, yet every one is his
friend. He's plain and peculiar, and
I've been trying to discover his charm
and I've finally decided that it's
benevoIence that has worked the mira
Gle. Why, mother, his very boots are
benevolent.
Amy-You can go through the world
with your elbows out and your nose
in the air and call it independence il
you like. It's not my way.
Jo-Meg's old hati Isn't 1t new
one?
Amy-Not at all. It's her old one. 1
painted it in water colors, and her
boots to match.
The San Francisco call and post., 1913-12-27

journeyed again to the tapestry
room.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-01-03
Wanted sIaves for MlssourI.

On January 81, 1778, Don Bernardo
de Galvez, governor Of the Spanish
province of Louisiana, which included
Missouri, petitioned the king Of Spain
for aid for the settlers along the Mis-
souri, river and Mississippi river in
Missouri. THE said inhabitants" he
wrote, "ln order to promote the cul-
ture of these plants (flax and hemp).
would desire that the compassion Of
the king should deign to provide them
with negro slaves on credit. for whom
they may pay with the crops afore-
said"
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-01-03
Rather Hot Shot for Doctor.

Rather Hot Shot for Doctor.
This incident is related Of Scotch
doctor, new to the gun, who adven-
tured upon a days rabbit-shooting.
Chased by the ferrets, bunny was q
rather quick-moving target, and the
medico was not meeting with the sue
cess he anticipated.
Hang it all, mani" he exclaimed,
impatiently, to the keeper who accom-
panied him, these beasts arc COO
quick for me-"
AYE, DOCTOR" the pawky keeper re-
piled; "but We surely didna expect
them tae lie still like yer patients till
We kill them"
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-01-03
BROOM COR N
Growers Shipping Broom Corn

As the growers of broom corn are great
~ dissatisfied with the price offered at
home for their broom corn, many OF them
are now shipping direct to Coyne Broth
broom corn on commission. This firm re-
port their receipts so far this season
about $50 cars, most of which have been
sold and returned for; ~ Their he'll financial
dred thousand dollars. They are a safe
and reliable firm. They offer as refer
ence Farmers State Bank, Texhoma,
Okla, and Central Exchange Bank,
Woodward, Okla. other reference fur
nished on application. Coyne Bros, l6o
w. South Water St., Chicago, Ill. Adv.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-01-03

ALFALFA SO. Timothy and Glover mixed.
$3.50. Farms for sale and rent on crop pay
ments ]. MULHALL Sioux City. Ia Adv.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-01-03
TURKS LAST STAND
FREDERICK PALMER TELLS HOW
THEY STOPPED THE ADVANCE
OF THE BULGARS.
PROVED MATCH FOR ALLIES

Fighting on the Defensive From the
Start, Their Brave Resistance at
Adrlanople Saved the Ottoman
Capital From Capture.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-01-03

The firt Is always practicing q
game she never intends to play.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-01-03

Turn about is fair play-except
when applied to hand organ.
The Kenna record. (Kenna, Roosevelt County, N.M.) 190?-1924, 1913-01-03
COLLEGE ANNOUNCEMENT

Darling q baker Chiropractlc College Chartered
Now open to receive Students. Standard and
up-to-date course. College home fully and
Terms reasonable. Write for catalogue, or
phone Market 4314. ONCE, School and Sanitar-
ium, 636 South Emporia. Wichita. Kansas