The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-08-18

John Kendrick Bangs was moving
his goods and chattels from his home
at Yonkers, \. Y. 1t was a rainy day,
and before the house stood three large
moving vans and the lawn vas covered
with furniture Of all sorts. Mr.. Bangs
stood in the downpour expediting the
movers, when a lady. a neighbor with
smiling asked:
oh, are you moving. Mr.. Bangs?"
NO, indeed. Mrs." replied the
humorist. You see, 1t is such a beau
tiful day that I thought l would get
all the furniture out of my house and
take 1t put for a ride"
The late Joseph Jefferson nee re-
ceived a cable dispatch from his son
Thomas, who was in London, asking
his father to remit to him f1O0.'
The father was doubtful, and SO he
wired back: What do you want it
for
Back came the answer: For
Tom"
This so tickled the old man that
the money was forthcoming.
Among the members Of a working
gang on a certain railroad was an
1rishman who claimed to be very good
at I6uISbs 4llc OOSSs lll1l1hlL6 ItldI iS
would get ahead of Pat, said: Say,
Pat, how many shirts can you get out
Of a yard?"
That depinds." answered Pat, ION
whose yard you get into"
A New England mother had come
upon her eight-year-old son enjoying
a feast whereof the components were
jam. butter and bread.
Son." said the mother, don't you
think it a bit extravagant to eat butter
with that fine JAM"
mo. ma-am." was the response.
does for both."-Lippincott's.
Mr.. Knox. secretary of state in
Taft's cabinet, was formerly engaged
in the practice of law in Pittsburg.
One day, says a friend, Mr.. Knox
was put out to find on his arrival at
his Office that everything was topsy-
turvy and that the temperature was
much too low for comfort. Summon
ing his Office boy, a lad only recently
entered in his employ, the lawyer
asked who had raised every window
in the place on such a cold morning.
WHO is Mr.. Muldoon?" asked the
attorney.
THE j%anitor. SIR"
who carried off my waste basket"
was the next question.
"Mr. Reilly, sir"
"And who is Mr.. Reilly?"
He's the man that cleans the
rooms"
Mr. Knox looked sternly at the boy
and said: See here. Richard: we call
men by their first here. We
DANE svniofor' than in fhfa Of4en Do
you understand? !"
Yes, sir" and the boy retired.
In a few minutes he reappeared and
in a shrill. piping voice announced:
There's a gentleman that wants to
see you, Philander."
In the struggling days at Tuske-
gee Booker T. Washington found that
he would have to use an old chicken
"Uncle,' he said TO In old colored
man. II want you 80 come down at 8
O'Clock tomorrow morning and help
me clean out a henhouse."
Law, now, Mr.. Washington" the
old man. expostulated. "you-all don't
want to begin cleanin' out no hen
houses roun' here in dc day time"
IT had a dream tho other night"
Satd the joker ~ iuncatoOn toOt0 70
Gently, II dreamed I was in business
with q rich man, selling ported how-
ers. But business was bad and we de.
cided to discontinue business. I want.
ed the pots and flowers and took
them"
"What did the rich man want?"
asked one Of the guests. innocently.
"He wanted the EARTH" replied the
wit.
The amenities Of political campaign.
ing are amusingly illustrated by .
II appears that during the course Of
a stump speech delivered. some year.
ago By John Sharp williams Ia Mts.
silsippt he Va interrupted BY . sud