davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Monkey Breaks Jail and DemoIshes Bird Store

W.T.
attempted to get a handful of the
pigeons tail feathers
He then offered the feathers to the
Boston bull terrier, which is a most
dangerous thing for any monkey to
do. The terrier made lunge at him
and sent him to the top of a goldfish
Aquarium, where a frying-sized bull
frog Immediately engaged his atten-
ton. Mr.. Frog retreated to the dark
est depths of the aquarium and the
goldfish did center rushes over one
another TO keep out of reach Of the
agile fugitives playful claws.
A troup of green parrots, grown and
in the process of growing. heaped up
on him all the abuses that garrulous
bird reared by a South Sea pirate
could express. All of which received
it's due amount of attention from Joco,
but made little impression.
This antic was followed by visit
to the rear of the store and leap
to a cage of Angora cats. But the
cats were in no friendly frame OF
mind. One mewing mother Of brood
of FIVE bounced upon Joco's caudal
appendage with scratching claws and
left several reddening marks on that
useful instrument.
When Mr.. Ward arrived Joco was
busily engaged digging into a corner
full of cobwebs in search for spider
delicacies. Joco had escaped from his
cage by lifting one of the imprisoning
bars at the front and squeezing his
body through a very small opening.
He refused to be captured by Mr..
Ward and a policeman and in order
that the Sabbath might not be further
desecrated with noise Mr.. Ward de-
cided to put all the frail things out
of his reach and let him continue his
period of freedom for the night.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
SLEPT IN CoRPSE'S PLACE
Sailor, Who Took Nap In a Rough
Box, Fastened In by
Chum.

Buffalo, N. "a policeman was
startled few mornings ago when
rough box lying on the sidewalk in
front of an undertaker's establishment
slowly turned over. When he drew
near to solve the mystery it again
turned over A man from the un-
dertaking shop was ordered to un-
screw the lid.
Inside they found a sailor who gave
his name as John Deleth of Milwau-
kee, Wis, who said he had been out on
lark the night before with fellow
sailor named Kelly.
Says Kelly to me-" Deleth told the
chief, the first guy to the dead box
can sleep there. slept all right. but
when l woke up couldn't get out.
Kelly's been up to his tricks again"
Deleth was locked up.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
An Automobile, Hat, and Sorrowing Husband

young women sat within the glass in
closure. There was a sickening crash
and a mournful grinding as the limou-
sine whirled over the pasteboard box.
The closed car dashed on, while the
young women occupants looked back.
horror stricken. Where before had
been the neatly tied box there was
now a heap of broken feathers. strag-
gled plumes, torn ribbons, ragged
pasteboard and large, black, willowy
form, from which the crown had been
all but ripped out.
"A woman's haiti" the crowd
sighed.
In the meantime the driver of the
open car had brought his machine to
a halt. Dodging a dozen automobiles,
he went back to the scene of the
tragedy. For a moment or two he
gazed helplessly at the wrecked
plumage. Tears appeared in his eyes.
Then, as mother would tenderly
pick up an injured child, he gathered
the remnants of the ruins into his
arms and walked back to his machine.
He placed the mangled mass into the
tonneau. While the crowd was still
signing he jumped in the front seat
and whizzed away.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28

INDIANAPOLIS, IND.-An otherwise
i law-abiding monkey made perfect
ly good Jail delivery in a bird store,
on West Ohio street, the other after
noon-again. For about an hour, till
the arrival of A. G. Ward, proprietor,
he followed the vagaries of his own
inclination which were numerous and
startling.
The Gagged birds, animals, crawling
things and little fishes were terror
lied. Joco bounded from the floor to
the ceiling to escape a Boston bull
terrier, landed on a stack of Swiss
house bird cages and tumbled them
with their canary bird captives to the
floor. One lone canary escaped and
the monk seized 1t and yanked out a
handful Of tail feathers. Whereupon
he offered the feathered trophy to a
humped-back tortoise who drew his
head into his shell and refused abso-
lutely to participate in the festivities.
Pouter pigeons fiuttered and beat
their wings In vain against their
cages in an attempt to escape. That
was unwise, for 'Joco had failed to
notice them before. However, when
his attention was engaged, he hoped
over to the nearest one and offered
the pigeon a handful of birdseed in an
attempt to establish amicable rela-
tons. Finding friendly advances
spurned, he reversed his tactics and
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
TURTLE HEADS NAB CHICKENS
Here 10 q Mysterious Hen Farm
Story Fresh From Eastern
Missouri.

Jefferson City, Mo.-Mr. and Mrs.
NJ F. See, Of Montgomery county.
Missouri, caught two turtles some
time ago which they prepared to fat.
ten for soup. The day for killing
them came recently. Mr.. See went
out and chopped their head of and
threw them away and procee1ed To
prepare for the feast.
Presently he heard a flutter among
the chickens which attracted his atten.
ton, and he found the head of a turtle
had caught chicken and from all an
pearance was trying to swallow IL
Later he heard the second disturb
ance among the chickens and upon in
vestigation he found the other head
had caught a chicken. Now Mr.. See
wants to know when a turtle is SUD
posed to know 1t is dead.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28

the money, and then threw II int n.
street. The woman calmly pickad /,
up and went into the hotel. leav,,.
the surprised cabman shouting loudlv
Uproar 10 Terrific.
Some time later the concierge on ~
hotel came to her room and said ~,
a cabman was making terrific ~.
roar in the street below because N,
had not paid him. She explained ~
circumstances. The concierge th.s
took the amount Of the fare ana
fee of three cents, and after much
yelling the cabman drove away. ~
lost that time by his attempted co.n
but he probably made 1t up doubly ~
someone else.
When landed in Naples took
cab at the wharf after struerlInv
through the bedlam at the customs
Just behind me were four other ca.
riages filled with a tourist party "a.
ing to the same hotel. When arrived
/ paid my cabman and hurried into
the hotel. for / had heard how thsr
love to argue. The trippers arrived
soon after. and then there began he
worst uproar imaginable. The con.
ductor of the party had paid the cab.
men their fare and given them the
regular tip. OF course, they insists1
1t was not enough The conductor Il.
nored them and came on into the ho.
tel. Immediately the lobby was iIlsa
with glowering, gesticulating, howlinr
cab drivers. They shook their fs,s
and swore they had been cheated II
looked as II the entire Camorra htd
swooped down upon US. The concierrs
managed to shoe them all out b.
storming and roaring at them excii.
eddy.
But for two hours that gang Of rob.
bers remained outside the hotel. tan.
ing loudly. My cabman had Joined IN
the hubub on general principles. ana
now he stalked up and down the
street as excitedly as any OF then.
Many of the tourists were afraid to
go out Of the hotel. the drivers looked
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
AS TO PHYSICAL ENERGY
Amount Of II Expended In Ordinary
Ways Figures Up to a Sur
prising Amount.

Perhaps you do not know It, but
when you walk distance OF ten miles
you extend enough force. could IT be
all collected, to raise 800 tons one foot
from the ground. OF this enormous
quantity of energy, the legs are re-
sponsible for $50 tons, the heart for
100, the lungs for %. and the bulk of
the remainder is wasted in the heat
given of from the body.
In severe athletic competitions,
such as running, rowing. and boxing.
you must be in such a condition as to
be able to exert, by your limbs alone.
each minute. as much force as would
lift 5000 pounds one foot above the
ground.
When a powerful man works for "a
hours with all his might, the energy
he expends is equal to lifting third
class cruiser, and during his life he
dissipates enough power to carry his
body at death to the sun.
These statements may at first sight
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
GREAT EXCITEMENT
BEHIND THE SCENES
Escaped Lioness in Theater
Gives Dainty bonita Scare
of Her Life.
NO CHANCE TO RUN
Vaudeville Dancer Wakes From Rev.
erie to Find Rampasins Beast at
. Her Shoulder; Showed Presence OF
Mind by Rolling Downstairs.

Chicago.-Dainty Donita's Book oil
Etiquette and Social Guide" contains
no directions for conduct when one
awakens from a reverie to find fierce
escaped lioness hungrily opening
foot or two of tooth-lined mouth right
at ones shoulder.
So when such a denouement came
at a local theater the other day; when
Charley Carruthers, a giant negro boy
who works backstage. became nearly
incandescent because of the speed
with which he flashed up spiral stair
way, and when a crowd of stage help
ers melted into thin air all around her.
bonita forgot all her bewitching
graces as a dancer.
She wasn't, for the moment Dainty
bonita" She was just girl, and
mighty scared one at that" she ao-
mits, SO she did just what any girl
might do. She tainted away and rolled
down the stairway into a dressing
room under the stage.
The steel curtain of the theater
came down with a crash. Trainers
rushed upon the frightened lioness ana
drove her back into an iron cage. and
the audience of 1000 persons had only
the screams of bonita and Miss
Blanch Gordon to advise 1t of the ex-
element behind the scenes.
The Gypsy Princess" had finished
her act with the eight lions that per-
form with her in the steel-clad arena
"Arcona," the lioness which caused
the disturbance, has been annoyed be-
cause the other beasts kept her two
weeks oldcubs nervous.
So when the princess" entered the
cage after her act to help shut the
animals into their permanent quarters
"Arcona" slipped out.
bonita sat at the head of the stair
way, waiting for Jack Crippen. piano
player, to come up, and dreaming OF
a day when not Pavlowa, but bonita,
should be looked upon by the world
as it's foremost dancer.
81 looked around" said the dancer
afterward, "and there was that awful
lioness, her mouth open wide enough
just simply to swallow me whole.
Thank Heaven, had presence of
mind enough to faint away"
No one could know, of course, that
"Arcona," with every mans hand
against her, was frightened almost
into leonine Mysteries.
The princess" and "Arcona's"
trainer. Pete" Taylor. finally pushed
the lioness behind some scenery and
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
The Professional Foraer.

Forging is generally quite an anna
teur affair in this country. but in In
dia, where the professional forger
fiourishes, it is the business of life
time. A father, for instance, who
thinks he detects in his son an apti-
tude for the occupation, apprentices
him to one of its masters. He learns,
among other things. engraving. pho
Biography, paper-making, chemistry, so
as to deal with colored inks, and,
above all, fine penmanship and deli
cate miniature painting. After several
years hard work he is pronounced
proficient, and sets up in business for
himself, generally commencing by
counterfeiting government stamps.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Boy Sees "Upside Down" and Sings "Topsy Turvey'

d ALTIMORE, MD.-The case Of a
ID boy who writes upside down and
backward, who reads with his book
upside down and even sings topsy-
turvey, singing high where he ought
to sing low, so puzzled the brain and
eye specialists of Huntington. w. Va.
that they have decided to appeal to
the experts OF Johns Hopkins hospital
for help.
A detailed description of the case
will be written by the specialists Of
Huntington, and sent to DR.. William
H. Howell of the Johns Hopkins hos
pital
Or. Howell said there have been cas-
es of mirror vision" In these cases
the person sees things backward or
upside down and writes as he sees.
He explained that camera vision" is
the more accurate term, as the pic
lures focused in camera are not
only backward. but upside down as
well.
The patient is Russell Baker. eight
years old. and a pupil in the public
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28

n Observation-Disclosures avenue wit
~ messed tragedy few days ago It
happened In front of the Congress
hotel. A score Of persons on the side
walk witnessed it. Another score in
passing automobiles beheld the scene.
A lone man in an open touring car
was whiZZing southwark. Suddenly
there was a slight bump as a front
wheel struck a small obstacle careless
ly thrown in the roadwsy. Immedi-
ately there bounced from the unoccu-
pied seat in the tonneau a large,
square, pasteboard box, tightly bound.
II fell lightly and lay therefor only
an instant.
Witnesses held their breath. Close
upon the open car there came a large
limousine equipage. Half a dozen
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
ENGLISH SLANG A RIDDLE
Language Of Cricket Game as Con-
fusing as American Report Of
Baseball Game.

Why so much slang should accom-
pany the report of baseball game is
a mystery of America that no Eng
lishman has ever solved. Really. you
know, it's quite absurd; and a jolly
bit confusing, old chap.
OF course, baseball slang is confus-
ing to the stranger to the game, but
an Englishman should never criticise
our baseball slang, as Arnold Ben
nett, w. L. George and many others
have done. Cricket slang is just as
confusing, just as foolish to stranger
ears-and, no doubt, Just as essential
to the game.
In describing the recent Elton and
Harrow match at Lords, big event
In the cricket season, the London
Sphere uses few phrases that sound
Ike an American sporting page:
The bat must have come forward
crooked and 1t is not surprising to see
the leg stump turning cartwheels.
Thee best ball sent down in the
match. 1t started well outside the of
stump, swerved inward late in its
flight, and fairly fizzled off the pitch
In its new direction.
"Amory got most of his runs by
beating the ball to the boundary in
front Of square leg. and he was not a
bit particular about the line on which
the ball was pitched. Several went
from outside off stump, but this one
pitched on his pads. Oates, behind
the wicket, jumped to the leg side to
save the possible bye. Eventually
Amory tried one COW shot too many
and the middle stump went for a
walk"
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Annual Inhiction.

An east Cleveland young man, &C
companied by his fiancee, lately called
at the home of mutual friend, where
there had been a recent addition to
the family. They were greeted at
the door by the young wife and moth
er, who happened to be suffering from
a severe cold. After an exchange Of
conventional commonplaces the young
man inquired after the welfare Of the
baby. And the young matron under
stood him to be asking about her
cold. Hence the following startling
reply. We'll, have one every year
about this time, but this is the mean
est one I've ever had."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28

politan cab drivers. Their
business is to get out of tour
lists all they can, and they
work at their job harder than anyone
In Italy. One cannot take a ride in
one of their carriages without getting
into a brawl as to the amount due
him; no matter what tip you give, he
always objects. 1t seems to be one OF
the unwritten laws of Neapolitan cab
dom. This is rather disconcerting at
first. as you don't like to be seen
sQuabbling in a public thoroughfare
with hack driver, but as you become
accustomed to it you learn to ignore
the demands Of these robbers, and
leave them to shrek at the atmos-
pierre
Before you get into a cab the driver
is all smiles and courtesy. AS you
walk along the streets of Naples a
cabman will drive up beside you.
crack his whip In a businesslike man.
ner and smile at you Hospitality. Then
he delivers a long and spirited
harangue on the advantages to you of
riding In his most excellent carriage.
and points invitingly to the seat be-
hind him. II you do not seem inclined
to ride with him he becomes more in
sistent. and If you start to cross a
street he will drive in front of you
so that you cannot take step with
out stepping into his vehicle.
Follows You Along the Street.
This is not done so much in the day
time, as the government seems to
have curbed their enthusiasm to some
extent, but at night 1t is altogether
different Then the cabman cracks
his long whip so loudly behind you
that you think the Black Hand is
settling one of its feuds, and look
around anxiously for a place of ref
uge; he follows you for blocks. trying
to wheedle you into climbing into his
f1acre; he pleads. threatens, cajoles;
and If you finally let him lure you into
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
No whlps Allowed in Moscou.

Among the curious things that ar.
rest the travellers attention on arriv.
ing in Moscow is the fact that drivers
of cabs, carriages and all sorts of We
hicles do not carry whips. There is a
law prohibiting their use. The excel
lent condition Of their horses attests
the benefit of this humane law. No
where are there sleeker and better
groomed horses than those used in
the carriages of Moscow.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28

his cab he grins amiably and inquiries
most politely where you desire to go.
IN former days the Neapolitan cab
man was an out and out robber. and
could hold his fare up for any amount
he pleased; but those are the dear,
dear days Of the dead. dead past. for
modern times have brought taxime-
tiers. The taximeters start at forty
centisimi, about eight cents; and one
can ride for miles and miles, 1t seems.
for about twenty cents. A tip Of TWEEN
ty or thirty centisimi for an ordinary
ride is all a cabman really expects,
but when you give him this amount
he tries to convince you that you are
a brute and without any feelings for
a poor hack driver, and that II every
one tipped as niggardly as you he
would have starved long ago and
been buried in pauper's grave. He
punctuates this speech with shouts
and groans and wild waving of his ex-
pressive hands. A Neapolitan can ex-
press worlds of contempt with one
hand. II you are a stranger in Naples
you may give ty~, man a lire to hush
him up; and then he drives of with q
grieved air. but inwardly exultant
over his clever trick.
One afternoon a woman took a cab
to the hotel where / was staying. She
had landed that day, and was unfa-
miliar with the ways Of the Neapoli-
tan cochere. She paid the driver what
his taximeter indicated and gave him
fee of fifty centisimi. ten cents. In
addition. He almost expired with
feigned anger, looked incredulously at
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28

Va NAS PANA6O enh
go.
Sometimes, however, she wants to
talk with Mrs. Blinky, the Alaskan
brown bear in the next cage, so when
Silver King decides it is time for an
other dance she does not always agree
with him. Silver is capable, however,
of running his own home. and Matilda
gets knocked head over heels around
the den until the tank is reached and
there does a dance that comes up to
her mates satisfaction or gets her
head ducked under water until she is
ready to act like real nice polar bear
waltzer ought to.
Sometimes Silver King has to use
his teeth as well as his paws on Ma
tllda to make her dance, but after a
while he gets her dancing in a way
that satisfies him, and then he is
happy. Since he took up dancing he
is the best-natured polar bear ever
a member Of the Bronx animal collec-
ton.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
DUG Up Petrifed Baseball.

Norfolk, Neb.-A baseball batted
into cornfield 3S years ago by E. K
Ballantyne, later sergeantat-arms in
the United States senate, was found
when excavations were being made Tor
a new building The ball had become
petrified, but the seams and stitches
were visible: A slight dent on one
side marked the terrific wallop given
the ball by Ballantyne.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28

train ran him down. To the amaze
ment of the railroad men near by. he
snatched up the severed arm and ran
along the tracks toward the garage.
Several times he stumbled and
pitched forward. but. apparently,
keeping his mind on the first house
in sight, he regained his feet and
reached the house
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
chanoIna Lead TO Gold.

Professor Soddy makes the asser-
ton boldly that it is only a question
of application to change lead into
gold. He says that while now we
can only work with electricity at
100000 volts, 1t is only a matter
perfecting the method to be able to
work at ten times that voltage. when
the baser metals can be changed into
the more precious. In other words,
electricity, when brought to its highest
efficiency and application, is the real
Philosophers Stone for which the al
chemists of the middle ages searched
so long.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
ANNOYING MIsprInt.

We wish to apologize to Mrs. Or
lando Overlook. In our paper iasl
week we had as a heading. Mrs. over
looks Big Feet" The word we ougnl
to have used is a French word pro-
nounced the same way, but spelleo
fete. II means a celebration ana =
considered a very tony word.-"h
Evansville IN d. Item
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
eIrI Of Il swIms Golden Gate.

San Francisco, Cal.-Miss Myrtle
Wright, twelve years old, swan the
mile and a quarter across the Golden
Gate, feat never before accomplished
by a child swimmer Because of
treacherous cross currents and eddies,
combined with the icy cole 81 the wa
ter, many expert swimmers have
failed to negotiate the distance.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
impossible to Tell All

"Will you solemnly swear that the
testimony you shall give shall be the
truth, the whole truth, and nothing
but the TRUTH" mo; won't swear
to anything of the kind" answered
the man who had been a witness in
several big cases. The lawyers
won't let me tell half the truth
Legal Journal.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28

locked her up. Miss Gordon was per-
suaded to unlock the iron door of the
managers office. Caruthers was
lured down from a rafter and John
Logan, the stage doorkeeper, began
shouting for help from an elevator Dit.
bonita was revived.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
His First low Ride

Crown Point Ind.-Steve Jurcha's
first automobile joyride was enroute
to the electric chair. A deputy sheriff
drove him to Michigan City. where he
was electrocuted for murder
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Feather licked Him.

Cincinnati, GA male passenger on
q street car narrowly escaped a mob
bling by fellow passengers because he
CIT feather OF q woman's hat when
Il tickled him.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Appreciation.

THAT picture" said the collector,
as a thousand years old" MY"
exclaimed Mrs. Cumrox, as she
poised her lorgnette. 1T wears well.
doesn't it,"
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Not SAVING.

Does your daughter play WieniaH'
skin" asked the musical guest
IF she does" replied Mr.. Cun'Io1,
she always loses. She never says
word to me about 1t. "-Washingto'
Star.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
Friendly Word.

'T have no bad habits" said ne
young man. II don't smoke or drink
Then | hardly think you win %
happy with my daughter" said tns
old man. "She does both"
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1913-11-28
settlement In sIoht

You have made 200 hearts happy.
Have you such large family" ~
quired the heiress.
81 refer to my creditors" said ne
duke.