The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-11
SAYS UNCLE CIV

drifted into PuckyhuddIe for a
few days rest amid the quiet scenes
of my childhood and met the tara n
tula lady" who had spoiled my visit
The spider person arrived a year ago,
just in advance of an outbreak of
se,ni-militant Suffragism,l L am told,
and seems bent upon converting the
village into a manlesS Eden. Thus
far she has only succeeded in disrupt
ing the Epworth League, the Presby-
terrain Ladies' Sewing society and the
Anti H orsethief association. On the
whole she seems to be making fair
progress and it is not too much to ex-
pect that if she remains for another
year, she'll disband the city council,
chase the town marshal down the big
road, tear up the tracks of the Pucky-
huddIe & Northern and make the once
smiling village fit subject for the
tuneful lament of some latter-day
Goldsmith.
Putting it mild" says old Doc
Houser. than whom there are few
wiser single-handed homespun phil
oscphers extant, putting it mild, that
woman's a pestilence, blight and a
conflagration, all rolled into one Vio-
lent and continuous eruption
After listening to a fOur-hour mono
logue upon the general viIeness of my
male ancestors, Immediate and remote,
ard sundry other biological factors
not Immediately connected with my
family 1 was inclined to agree with
old Doc Also, 1 could see with half
an eye just where the ''tarantula lady
got her name. l had no sooner inter
jccted my innocent and unsuspecting
person into the landscape than she
gathered for a spring. She sprang
several times, figuratively and literal
ly, for she must have studied express
sion under some Hardshen Baptist
purveyor of hell fire and birthstone
who had forgotten how to smile. And
every time she spranS, felt her tangs.
By the time 1 had been thoroughly
lacerated and com letely poisoned, an
other victim in the shape OF travel
ing man from New York came along,
and 1 esca ped to find comfort in the
rninistrations of old Doc.
Il won't tell you to keep away from
her." he said, because you can't, I'M
less you get out of town, and if you're
particularly susceptible to spider bites
guess you'd better git"
Has she made any CONVERSE" l
asked Doc finally, wondering if the
Puckyhuddle had been innoculated
with the virus of militant man hatred.
Mary convert" replied Doc. I'VE
amt very up to date in this village and
women folks still cling to their ignor-
ant deIusion that their lovers and hus-
bands and sons are their best friends.
Moreover, the tarantula has got the
wrong bunch. She's like q whole lot
of other reformers who don't care so
much about reform as they do about
an excuse to get their teeth into some
body's quivering flesh
I'm not saying that women oughtn
to vote if thye want to, but I do say
that you cant convince most folks by
bitin' 'em. We've got into the habit
of regarding promiscuouS use of the
teeth as a sign of mean DISPOSE
ton, hydrophobia or some other form
of insanity. We're not likely to &C
cept the judgment of the person that
uses 'em too frequent
Wed be apt to pay more attention
to some of our suffrag ist sisters if they
didn't have fit every time somebody
mentions the ballot. We'd listen more
attentiVely to some temperance folks
if they didn't froth at the mouth
every time somebody makes careless
remark about whisky. The regulators
of big business would get farther if
they didn't run amuck and lambast
everybody that's got more than four
bits over at the First National
Old Doc believes in the rule of rea-
| son and loves reasonableness in all
| things. Most of the rest of us are like
him in that respect. Spider persons
may bite us, but they don't convert US.
I'm not sure that they wish to-
| Copyright, 1913, by the Mcclure
] Newspaper Syndicate-)