Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1913-08-14
Heard on the Streets
OF THE TOWN
BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN

Nobody envies fat man in hot
weather.
No matter how many troubles man
has, he can forget them all when fish
grabs the bait
Next year perhaps suspenders will be
regarded as suitable Christmas gift
for the up-to-date woman.
A man who will cheerfully pay $500
for an automobile will boiler likea mad
man over SOC additional taxation.
Little birds that frolic in the woods
and eat berries do not get as much
stomach aches as the picnicers do.
Pickpockets may conclude to plead
that in this day of empty purses and
dollar watches they earn what they get.
Mems clothing is to be tighter this
season, according to advance fashion
notes. No tighter, doubtless, than the
price.
This new style for women to wear
loops of hair over their ears may have
the effect in some cases of preventing
evil gossip.
Small grain yields are not up to ex-
pectations. but the smaller the yield
the higher the price. You can't lose
the farmer.
Somebody could make a fortune by
inventing an umbrella or rain coat
that would be at the right place when.
ever it rained.
A $40 steer is said to cost the con-
sumner 500. Men are given steers oc-
casionally that eventually cost them
more than that.
He who drinks and drives car may
never reach the second bar, but he who
thirsty, drives away, may live to drive
some olner Gay.
AS we grow older we can't see why
pushing lawn mower is not just as
good exercise for a young boy or girl
as dancing the turkey-trot to ragtime
music.
The man who takes his pay envelope
home to his wife without opening it
may not buy many beers for the bunch"
but he can always greet the rent col
lector like an old friend.
1t is now claimed that laughter will
prevent appendicitis. The few people
retaining an appendix should lose no
time in reading our column Heard on
the Streets" which is published in this
paper every week
The dishonest man is always looking
for dishonesty in others. When you
hear a man breaking his neck to start
an Investigation" just make a little
inquiry and see if he has not been &C
cused of questionable practices
Putting up road signs and danger
markers as contemplated in Audubon
county is a worthy work for all auto
mobile clubs to perform. 1t is the
landlubbers substitute for lighthouses
and may save many human lives.
The man who rushes in to separate a
pair of worthless fighting dogs gets
small sympathy when he is bitten.
There is no occasion for Uncle Sam to
risk his pants and his person in Mexico.
Let 'em fight. 1t is easier to get n
new dog.
There is movement in neighboring
towns for an ordinance forbidding the
beating of carpets and rugs within the
city limits. Good idea. There should
be an ordinance also making it penal
offense for a man who has been eating
garlic and drinking alchol to attend a
picture show within a period of "a
hours thereafter.
Two female pugulists who were en-
gagged in an encounter abont ten days
ago and who were to have hearing in
justice court, have been able to secure a
postponement from time to time. The
case was set for trial three times last
week. Monday morning the case was to be
heard but it was again postponed until
future date. 1t looks as though the
women folks had better stand in than
their brothers. Then why should
women want to voter
1t may not be generally known that
the original idea of the Chinaman's
pigtail was that it formed a convenient
handle by which, one day, he would be
lifted up to Paradise. If this be true
the newly appointed postmaster of Au-
dubon will have hard time getting
any higher than his present position.
He has been so busy trying to land all
kinds of positions that he has lost every
sign of pigtail and is now wearing a
skating rink for the benefit of the flies.
When the grasshopper ceases to hop
and the old COW quits her bawling,