davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
HUMOR IN THE MARYLAND POLITICAL
SITUATION.

The things that happen in politics are beyond all
possibility of anticipation The man who succeeds
at the game may gain repute for skill in dvinaton,
but he doesn't deserve it. He succeeds by being
lucky enough to stumble right; usually, by just be-
ing right anyhow, and taking the chance that things
will fall his way in time
Maryland politics has just developed an odd
illustration of the uncertainty Long ago it was
made pretty clear that Woodrow Wilson was going
to stand squarely behind the progressive Democrats
in that State, who fought for him last year. This
meant that he would oppose the reelection of John
Walter Smith to the Senate. Presently develop
ments made it apparent that Marbury and Lee were
the Administration choices for the Senatorial seats
Isaac Lobe Straus, very active, brainy and
clear-headed Democrat of Baltimore, had become a
candidate for the Senate He called himself a
progressive, and wanted the Administration to sup
port him rather than Marbury. But the Adminstra-
ton picked Marbury instead Straus looked like a
man left entirely out in the cold.
Along came the appointment of postmaster at
Baltimore. The President ignored the organization,
Senator Smith, the Congressmen-everybody-
named COL Sherlock Swami. Nobody had been for
Swami; that is, nobody who anybody in politics.
He was nice man, excelently equipped to run the
postoffce, and all that; but on the conventional
theory that the postmaster's business is to run
politics, not the postoffce, ne was quite a failure
He wouldn't do at all
The State organization-the friends of John
Walter Smith-set up an awful wall about how the
Offices were being used to promote the interest of a
political faction. Various other appointments were
made, and all of them strengthened the demonstra-
tion that just that was being DONE Finally Isaac
Lobe Straus who didn't approve that sort of thing,
sat him down and indted sizzling letter to the
President, telling him it was all wrong for him to
invade Maryland and use the patronage club to
force party faction into control This letter was
mailed to President Wilson; and to make assurance
a million times sure, Mr.. Straus bought advertising
space in the Baltimore papers and had them print it.
He got his moneys worth, too. Does advertising
pay? That bunch did; paid big
Whether Woodrow Wilson ever read the letter
is not yet known. Mr.. Straus hasn't had an answer
fro mhim But the letter got action none the less.
A group of Republican Senators read it, and decided
that Straus was right. They would hold up the
confirmation of the Swami appointment, just to show
Mr. Wilson that they disapproved of such things: the
things their own party always did when it was in
power but which it is shocked to see done by
another party ....
These Senators, ii appears indicated to John
Waiter Smith that they would help him hold up the
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
The Smart Gateman.

,,vHAD always thought the public
- servants of my own CITY We're
the freshest on earth" SAYS a
New York man. but a recent
oxnerience in Kansas City has led to a
,oyision OF that notion.
"One afternoon l dashed into a rail-
may station of that town with Just half
minute to buy my ticket and enter a
lain for Chicago. I dashed through
,he first gate and. pointing to a certain
.rain. asked hurriedly of the gateman:
lis that my train?'
well. don't know replied he. with
oxasperating deliberation. Maybe II is.
hut the cars have the company's name
Nv them "-Harper's Magazine.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

F. X. bees to tell us that he has .
few thoughts Of his own when 1t comes
to baseball scoreboards. II would just
as soon," he advises. stand In front
Of a laundry and get bulletins on the
number Of shirts and collars treated a
I would to linger in front Of q score
board for a couple Of hours" And yet
it all comes meath the heading Of
pleasure.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
Safety in Silence.

What is your opinion regarding the
custom of shaking hands,"
Well" replied the Senator. II am
somewhat IN favor of IL. HandshakinG
is the only way I know of - keep a
crowd of constituents interested In you
without involving a risk on your part
of saving something you'll regret
Exchange
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
WHY?

The New York World has been looking into the
various troubles of its town, with fearfully COM
plicated form of government, and finally demands
why Board of Adermen?'
We give it up; observing the operation of that
atrophied fifth wheel in the New York administl a.
ton, have often wondered But let ask another
jast as good:
Why Congressional Campaign Committee?
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
OF paragraphing japer.

Speaking. as we were a long time ago.
Of the &c tax on soap and towel In
public washrooms. we wonder what
would happen II a person who had put
up his nickel for the things would stick
them into his pocket, when he finished.
and walk out. The sign usually puts
It: Soap and Towel. &c." The first
time we happen on a washroom where
in the attendant is an undersized. weak
looking person. we're going to try It.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

The parcel post being q new expert
ment" Up. F.'s please write). we've no
license to enter complaints But some
day they may reduce the size Of the
stamps sufficiently to enable one to put
the destination, return address. and a
couple Of stamps on a square foot of
package.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
What S on the Program n
WASHINGTON Today

Meeting of Canton Washington, No. l,
/ O. o. +. drill and social session, to-
night.
Anusements.
National-"La Tusca,' 2:l5 and Sis
p. m.
CoIumbia-''The Road TO Yesterday"
2:i5 and sis y. m.
po'l's-.''The Million" 9:I and sis >. n.
BeIasco-Notioa pictures of South Poe.
; and So 2. IT.
Chases-Talking pictures. to IL p. m.
Cosmos-Vaudeville.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
Hedgeville
Editor
By John L. Hobble.

EV. FROST says that when q
u man trusts himself too far he
N is not a good judge Of human
nature.
RS. LANE is a Jealous and low
M :; Il: =: :,:::?; +: :: ;.;s !;
told to you confidentially.
rs. FORK says 1t isn't safe TO
NJ s:.:: s: 2: s:::: Fl: :; s:s;s ;;'''s !; at !;
least twice.
q: 5; g: e. !; e.; e: :;.'4 !. =: i: ::
with him he didn't know
which one to take
UOMAN thinks too much about
her past and a man too much
~ about his future.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

Our notion OF the time when John D.
Rockefeller. jr.. may consider himself
grown up is when they cease to refer
to him as ''son of the oil king"
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
The Superlative of Worthlessness.

G. S. K: Please pass the laurel
have discovered something more use
less than the tassels on an umbrella.
II is the leaf of lettuce that a restau-
rant puts on the platter when serving
the meat order.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

The House Of Reps is spending the
week in idleness. and bill to simplify
the operation OF street car windows re-
mains unenacted.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

Our safeandsane Fourth, take II from
the advance dope. will make up in safe
ness what 1t lacks in sanity.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

Why have a vocational bureau? The
How to Keep Young and Attractive
series in the Star is written by Miss
Lillian Young.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

Speaking OF which. did Goethe-or
wasn't 1t Goethe?-have John D. In mind
when he wrote Der Oilkonig?"
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

Not that We are out Of sight with tn,
new garb on. Decidedly the contrary.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

Tomorrow's papers. containing ac-
counts OF the meeting of the Republi-
can committee and the royal wedding
in Germany, should be especially in
teresting.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
That's Interesting.

G. S. X: Three chiropodists in this
town have offices in the Corn Exchange
Bank building
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
The Test.

TT YoNEST JOHN" SHAFROTH,
~ the new Senator from Colo
rado. who has quite a repu-
tation as a wit. got OFF the
following mot at his farewell dinner as
governor. \ discussion on pessimism
had been going on near the Senator.
who. overhearing a fragment. suddenly
asked:
Don't you know how to find out
whether man is an optimist or a pes
simist?"
ply.
Well" went on Honest John. Just
give him n doughnut. II he eats the
hole of 1t he's an optimist; il he sees
the hole in 1t he's a pess mist. '-Neale' 5
Monthly.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

Why orchestra leaders will never wea
wings:
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

The pian6 player at the movies who
can make a selection end with the
film
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
THE FALL OF NAN.

Alasl hoso nortoIs hIt the cASts
And vaxtsh out Of eight!
For sce hare bought q summer sxtt
OF pretty nearly Uhttei
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

why column conductors get arrested
do people really send those things ir
to you, or do you write them all your.
self?'
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

PERSONS WE NEVER HAVE MET
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

Kansas City. Mo.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

You're the Absolute First.
q. 8. K: Has anybody called It the
Blunderwood tariff?
CLEMENT.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24

We say they should be.
out tncy won't g. s. K.
The Washington times., 1913-05-24
The Happiest Moment
Is 1t in the Past in the Future in the Splendid NOWi
By Clarence L. Cullen.

.HE man who tells you that Hap
piness is a will-o'-the-wisp there
by confesses that happiness has
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02
OF MR.. AND MRS. PIERCE.

Last night the Rev. G.. NJ. MacDoug-
all entertained i'm honor of Mr.. and Mrs.
T.. q. Pierce who celebrated the Dist
anniversary Of their wedding. Many for
eign pictures and postals were shown
also foreign curios that Mr.. MacDougal
collected on different tours abroad and
a very pleasant evening was spent.
Fruit punch and cake were served dur
ing the evening. Pictures were also
shown on the Baloptican which is the
latest thing in picture machines and
projects solid objects i'm cOlors as well
as transparent slides. The guests who
were all intimate friends of the family
were as follows: Mr.. and Mrs. Pierce.
Miss Archer. Mr.. and Mrs. Cooke. Mr..
and Mrs. Kinder, DR.. and Mrs Skipper.
Misses Florine and Isabel Pierce, Dor
othea Holt. Mrs Lubbock and Clyde and
Mary Lubbock. Miss Alberta Archer.
Mr.. Fred Holt Frank Pierce and Robert
Alberta, Rachael and Katherine Pierce.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02
500 Reward. 500

The readers of this paper will be
pleased to learn that there is at least one
dreaded disease that science has been
able to cure in all it's stages. and that is
Catarrh. Halls Catarrh Cure is the only
positive cure now known to the medical
fraternity. Catarrh being a constitutional
disease. requires a constitutional treat
ment. Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken in
ternally, acting directly upon the blood
and mucous surfaces of the system. there
by destroying the foundation of the dis
ease, and giving the patient strength by
building up the constitution and assisting
nature in doing it's work. The proprietors
have so much faith in its curative pow
ers that they offer One Hundred Dollars
Tor any case that it fails to- cure. Send
for list of testimonials.
Address: +. j. CHENEY & CO.. Toledo, o.
Sold by all Druggists. 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Immigration Chicf Away--H.! @. Dur
bose, chief of the United States immigra-
ton station in Brownsville. has zone to
Del Rio. Texas. to visit his family. Mr..
'Dubose expects to return about Dec. ID. /"
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

f. Rodgers Of Harlingen is in the
today, attending court.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Don't 6uy yoW Christmas presents
before Dee. o There Will be Just
what you want in the Christmas Shop
at the Episcopal Parish housc.-Adv.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

LOST:-Package of bills payable TO
Luis Crixell. Finder will please re
turn to Crixell Saloon and receive
reward.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

E. j. Winmper of San Antonio is a
business visitor in Brownsville today.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Be IHdependen.f-Buy a Kanyon' Take
down house. Small cost, Room,y. com
Portable. all the modern conveniences.
See my house in West Brownsville. Test
ed for hot, cold and wet weather here.
Perfect for this climate.-See Avery L.
Searle. Viyier Building. % If.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

c. J. Katemkamp Of New York City
is registered at the Miller hotel. IA
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02
PERSONALS

Mrs. Junie Cobolini Of Galveston and
her little daughter, Ayeliffe, are in the
city visiting Mr. and Mrs. Cobolimi.
E. j. Winmper of San Antonio is a
business visitor in Brownsville today.
c. J. Katemkamp Of New York City
is registered at the Miller hotel.
You Cannot Blame the Other Fclion
If YOU fail to get into the counting
while the count and the cash is good
Count the circles today Read Page 3.
E. w. Anglin of Harlingen was a
business visitor in the city today.
w. G.. Semple of Mercedes is in
Brownsville today. He is registered at
the Miller hotel.
Money to LOdn.-If you want long
time, low rate money and can give good
land as security, call, write or phone
men. Any amount from 81 1000 for five
years or longer.-Alba Haywood, San
Benito. ADV.
Oscar Gerst of San Antonio was a
visitor in Brownsville today.
Neil Masterson of Houston, son of
Judge Masterson of that city. is a bus
mess visitor in Brownsville for a few
days.
Lon c. Hill ST.. and Lon c. Hill Jr.
of Harlingen are guests at the Miller
hotel. A
Do ~Toddy-That which tomorrow YOU
will wish You had done yesterday
count the circlcs-send in your solution
to the Herald's Circle Puzzle Cash
Prize Contest.
f. B. Chambers Of Harlingen is a
business visitor in the city today.
G.. l.. Horton of San Benito is a
business visitor in the city today
Immigration CHIEF Away.-H.! G. Dur
bose, chief of the United States immigra-
ton station in Brownsville, has gone to
Del Rio. Texas. to visit his family. Mr..
Dubose expects to return about Dec. ID. /"
Be IHdcpenden.f-Buy a Kanyon Take
down house. Small cost. Roomy, com
Portable, all the modern conveniences.
See my house in West Brownsville. Test
ed for hot, cold and wet weather here.
Perfect for this climate.-See Avery L.
Searle. Nivier Building. % If.
Fair Directors TO Mcet.AThe board of
directors of the Brownsville Midwintcr
Fair will meet at the Chambe of Com
merce at 4 o'clock this afternoon to pass
on the erection of a temporary building
in Fort Brown for the exhibits. Manager
Perkins complains that he will not have
sufficient room for the exhibits, accord
ing to the present outlook.
Normal Committee to Mcct.-A meeting
of the committee appointed some weeks
& to secure funds for the proposed
state normal for Brownsville. will meet
this afternoon to report what progress
has been made. The committee has been
soliciting funds. aud Il neat sum has been
obtained, but not as much as is needed.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

FOR RENT:-Front room block from
Il. o. At 90l Elijah, TIL St.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

G.. l.. Horton of San Benito is q
business visitor in the city today &.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Do TOddy-That which tomorrow YOU
will wish YOU had dOne Yesterday
count the circles-send i'll your solution
to the Herald's Circle Puzzle Cash
Prize Contest.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02
SHORT SESSION
OF THE COUNCIL

FINANCE COMMITTEE Is GIVEN
ANOTHER WEEK IN WHICH TO
REPORT ON MATTER OF TAX
LEVY.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

On OW Opening Day YOU. can buy a
lot in Victoria Addition for 80 cents
cash and 30 cents per week and it will
double or treble in value before half
paid for. Can you beat that? McCaugh-
an Investment Co. Putegnat Building.
ADV.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Mrs. Junie CoboIini of Galveston and
her little. daughter, Ayeliffe, are in the
city visiting Mr. and Mrs. CoboliMi.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Lon c. Hill Sr. and Lon c. Hill Jr
of Harlingen are guests at the Miller
hotel. A
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Money to Lodn.-If you want long
time, low rate money and can give good
land as security, call, write or phone
men. Any amount from 81 900 for five
years or longer.-Alba Haywood, San
BenitO. ADV.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

+. B. Chambers Of H%arlingcn is a
business visitor in the city today.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Neil Masterson of Houston, son Of
Judge Masterson of that city. is a bus
mess visitor in Brownsville for a few
days.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Oscar Gerst of San Antonio was {
visitor in Brownsville today.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

You Cannot Blame the Other FclIon
If YOU fail to get into the counting
while the count and the cash is good
Count the circles today Read Page, 3.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

of the committee appointed some weeks
ago to secure funds for the proposed
normal for Brownsville. will meet
at the Chamber of Commerce at ) O'Clock
afternoon to report what progress
been made. The committee has been
soliciting funds, aud a neat sum has been
obtained, but no as much as is needed.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Far Directors TO Mcet.-AThe board Of
directors of the Brownsville Midwintcr
Fair will meet at the Chambe of Com
merce at 4 o'clock this afternoon to pass
on the erection of a temporary building
in Fort Brown for the exhibits. Manager
Perkins complains that he will not have
sufficient room for the exhibits, accord
ing to the present outlook.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

w. G.. Semple of Mercedes is in
Brownsville today. He is registered at
the Miller hotel.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Z. w. Anglin Of Harlingen was a
business visitor in the city today.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Wig Not Pay Noscse Why not sub
scribe now. When forty chances to win
are. hung up, and not one chance to lose
Make Your spare time count-Look at
at Circle Page today Get busy and send
i'm your solution -Your chance is as
good as any Remembers the Divi-
deIfd feature. y y H'tt ION
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Now O~ccnpyisg "a sidence.-Mr. ant
Mrs. ID. L. Spero are now occupying
their residence at Sixth and Levee SITS
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

An I~ReIPcnsicc ChristHfs Remem
brance-1m engraved calling cards.
business cards, holiday cards or mono
gram stationery. Cards $50 up; Mono
gram stationery $l.00 up; Bishops
Print Shop.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

The Cdtholic Aid S~ociqfy--has opened
a Japanese Store at No. 1908 Elizabeth
Street, opposite the iller Hotel. a nice
assortment Of useful articles for Christ
mas gifts will be on sale. Prices very
moderate.-Adv. | mo.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

If You Dent Knou What 10 Girf you
father, mother, wife husband, son,
daughter, sister, mother, sweetheart or
friend call and see Bishops engraving
samples. Absolutely the best to be had
1900 Washington street. nj 1t
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

w. u. Hammond Erpcrt-piano tun-
er of New Orleans will be in the city
only a short time and anyone desiring
superior work can leave orders at the
Miller hotel.-All work guaranteed.
ADV.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

For the Business Nan DO you want
to buy ort the finest business i'm Browns
vile. Best Equipped Confectionery in
the city, centrally located. Magnificent
fOuntain-it's for sale. It's your chance
You can get it"Ready for business
as soon as YOU want to open the doors
Its the Paragon Confectionery-Ad-
dress VIM. G. Craig, Trustee. Adv
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1913-12-02

Father Ldroie Compiimcnted Before
his departure for his new charge at
Balllnger, Texas, Yesterday afternoon.
Father j. B. Lavoie, formerly pastor
OF the church Of the Sacred Heart. was
presented with a beautiful purse by
members of his congregation in appre-
citation of his work here. The prssenta-
ton was made by Miss Lille Hicks,
Just before the departure Of the train.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1913-11-01
The Family Cough Medicine

In every home there should be a
bottle of DIR. Kings New Discovery,
ready for immediate use when any
member of the family contracts a
cold or a cough. Prompt use will
stop the spread of sickness. S. A.
Std, of Mason, Mich, writes: my
whole family depends upon DIR.
Kings New Discovery as the best
cough and cold medicine in the world.
Two soc. bottles cured me of pnen-
monia.'' Thousands of other fami-
lies have been equally benefited and
depend entirely upon DR.. Kings New
Discovery to cure their coughs, colds,
throat and lung troubles. Every dose
helps. Price soc. and s1.0O. All drug
gists. III. E. Bucklen & Co. Phila-
delphia OF ST. Louis.-Adv.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1913-11-01
Eczema and Itching Cured.

The soothing, healing medication
in DR.. Hobson's Eczema Ointment
penetrates every tiny pore of the skin,
clears it of all impurities-stops itch
ing instantly. DIR. Hobson's Eczema
Ointment is guaranteed to speedily
heal eczema, rashes, ringworm, letter
and other unsightly eruptions.
Eczema Ointment is doctors pre-
scription not an experiment. All
druggists or by mail, soc. Pfeiffer
Chemical Co, Philadelphia and St.
Louis.-Adv
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1913-11-01
The Panama Canal As Seen by
Arthur Canner

One of the newest Canal books is
1.-The Panama Canal AS Seen BY a
Kansas" written and published by
Arthur Capper,, of Topeka.
It-covers in thorough and inter-
esting manner the complete story of
the building of this great canal. 1t is
profusely illustrated and fills SO pages,
with beautiful front and back
cover design showing view of the
completed canal from the Atlantic to
the Pacific.
Mr.. Capper personally spent several
weeks in the Panama Canal, travel
ing from one end to the other and in
speeding every part of the great canal
He wrote the story just as he saw it,
and has illustrated it with the most
interesting pictures obtainable.
Mr. Capper announces that his new
Panama Canal book has been pub
lished for free distribution among
the subscribers of Capper's Weekly
formerly the Kansas Weekly Capital
a paper filed with strong editorial
features, special articles, interesting
stories, special pages for the women
folks, review of current events by
Tom McNeal, Evangelist Chapman's
sermons, Arthur Capper's signed
editorials and departments of inter-
est and value to all the family
The Panama Canal Book as de-
scribed above, will be sent free and
postpaid to all who send 25 cents for
subscription to Capper's Weekly,
Topeka, Kansas, or mailed or brought
to this office.-Adv.