The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1913-04-04
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Ad. Writer
By OSCAR cox

| ACAC iSh any SuNh AAAohAs ""S wv
reply. 1--WE don't advertise. I'm the
head of the firm"
Don't advertiser" exclaimed the
caller, with real or feigned astonish-
ment. How do you get business
without advertising?
I'VE use solicitors"
"And find them valuable?'
| "YeS, we do-sOmetimeS."
Suppose can prove to you that you
could sell several times as many of
certain book by advertising as through
your solicitors?"
I'm that case you would make reg
ular customer of us. But I've paid for
too many experiments in advertising
already. l don't care to spend any
thing more in that line
But suppose the experiment costs
you nothing?"
You can experiment all you like on
that basis"
VERY good. What book will you let
me experiment On?'
I'VE have just issued Perkins &
Young's Handy Cyclopedia. You can
try your experiment on that If you
like"
The young man thanked Mr.. Per
kins for the order with as much i'm
pressment as if he were to be paid a
thousand dollars for it and withdrew.
One morning week later the pub
Usher on entering his Office noticed
that his mail was unusually large. Be-
ginning at the top of pile foot high,
he took down an envelope, opened 1t
and drew out letter to which was
pinned an advertisement cut from
| newspaper. He began to read the let
ter. which was as follows:
1 have read with establishment the in
closed notice of your Handy Cyclopedia.
What must the books be that are adver-
tised with so much ignorance?
This is the ad.:
Our Handy Cyclopedia is now ready. In
its makeup we have employed writer's
with first class regulations in the subjects
on which they write Admiral Peary
writes the article on the south pole, Sir
| Ernest Shackleton the one on the north
| pole. That the work is up to date is evil
| dent from the fact that the article on
the worlds navies by Alfred Tennyson.
The letter continued as follows:
| What unblushing impudence in a pub
Usher to get out cyclopedia containing
| such abomnable blunders! Inquiry will
! teach you that Admiral Peary is fitted to
| write about the north instead Of the south
| pole and Sir Ernest Shackleton about the
south instead Of the north pole. To prove
| your work up to date you say that Charles
| Dickens wrote the article on war and Al
| fred Tennyson that on navies. Almost
any chronological table will inform you
that both these gentlemen died during the
| last century. I am curious to know what
| you mean by announcing articles by these
| men, who shone in different field from
| that of the army or navy. Please send
| me a copy of the work for inspection. II
| there is something wrong with your ad-
| vertisement and l find the work satisfac-
tory l will order a set, l being chairman
| of the committee on purchasing books Tor
| our university library.
Three quarters of the letters consti-
tuting the pile before Mr.. Perkins were
| from persons calling his attention to
| the blunders contained in his adver-
tisement Some were faceti0us, some
| ironical and some abusive. Nearly all
contained an element of curiosity, es-
| pecially those from persons who took
the ground. that there had been some
| mistake. In one of the letters the
writer said: Give me the name OF that
| ignoramus who wrote the ad. for your
cyclopedia. | want him."
When Mr.. Perkins had gone through
| the letters commenting on his ad. he
divided them into piles, the largest
pile being from professors and school
teachers, the next largest pile from
| librarians, then professional men, with
| a very large number scattering. There
were 1852 from persons who either gave
| a definite order to send the work or
limited that they would like to see
cyclopedia with such funny blum
ders' in it. There were twenty-five
| orders from persons, conditional on Its
| being a humorous work, and great
many suggestions that it be given
some such title as the Amusing Cyclic
pedia.
When Mr. Perkins had turned over
the orders to the proper person he look
ed for the card the solicitor had hand
ed him, finding it in drawer Of his
desk. There being a telephone num-
Der on the card, he called up the young
man, asked him if 1t would be con-
venient for him to call, and in ten
minutes the advertisement writer was
| in his Office.
II suppose" said the publisher,
that you wrote that ad. Of our cy-
clopedia without looking up any infor-
nation. You certainly couldn't have
written it from the work itself It's
a pity you hadn't received an educa-
ton You wouldn't have had to blum
der into a good thing. What kind of
an education did you get anyway?
I'm graduate of Princeton"
1.-The dickens you say! What's that
old fashioned key you wear on your
watch chain?"
That's the badge of the Phi Beta
Kappa. an honorary society composed
of the best scholars Of each gradual
ing class"
/ "Oh. it Is. Ell? Well. you go over
there and hang up your hat and coat
| want you What's your price q wear