davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06
HUNOR or THE DIP

Il suppose you tried to save every penny
when you started in business? - II did
more than that replied Mr.. Cassius
CheX, II rescued a lot that other people
We're squandeTing.' Washington Star.
What's become of the strong MANI"
asked the proprietor of the circus. He re-
signed. replied the manager. Got bet
ter Job. What doing?" working as a
parcel post mail man.'-Detroit Free
Press.
You say your husband contributes
nothing to your support" said the lawyer
NO. sub, nary a cent. That niggah jess
materially won't work. An he's done got
plenty of debility, too, If If he only could
use it.'-Judge.
Mrs. Church-"Are your children being
brought up to help themselves?" Mrs
Gotham-"Are they? Why, 1 can't keep a
particle of jam in the house mora thai
a day"'-Yonkers Statesman.
The train struck a man and injured
him severely. Was the man on the
track?' He was. No engineer, 1 trust
would run the train into the woods after
a man'-Louisvtlle Courier-JournaI
Some men never know how to let well
enough alone How SOP" ssBIundern
the new department head, decided TO re
quire competitive examination for every
single job under him. and bless met IL
his wife didn't win the position of private
secretary to him."-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.I

From the Chicago News1
It takes a woman to believe things
that are unbelievable.
No, Cordelia, the game of bridge is
not always a walkover.
Some men never brace up because
they take too many bracers.
Most of our relatives are about as
useless to US as empty tomato cans.
It's easy for a sympathetic woman
to make any man believe he loves her.
Satan gets so much fun out of his
business that he doesn't want a vaca-
ton.
A square deal is all a man wants
but he wants to be the Judge Of its
squareness.
Unless a man possesses some wis
dom he will never be able to realize
what a fool he is.
Fortunate is the married couple
who occupy a house in which there
is no room for doubt.
In case you fail to put your best
foot forward when you have a chance
you may feel like using it to kick
yourself later.
Any girl will cheerfully give up a
dollar to a fortune teller in exchange
for the information that she is going
to be married thin a year.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Trimming the express companies is
great sport, but a number or kansans
hope that it will not continue until the
express companies are put out of bust
ness The passel-post will not carry
it, and the freights are too slow
rived The latest Topeka resident to
acquire case of s'snakes" is a woman.
Strong-arm doctors announce that
tuberculosis may be cured by twisting
the spine of the patient. This is a
little different from the regular treat
ment for tuberculosis, which is to pull
the leg of the patient.
1t has been so many years since that
form of crime was prevalent that
many of us had forgotten, and 1T be-
comes necessary for the 'outs" to
again remind US that prying loose a
chronic job-holder is an offense more
heinous than burning an orphan asy-
lum.
In fact. it has been about twenty
years since such a wave OF crime
sloshed over our fair state Since
then, the ''chronics' have grown to the
seats of the mighty, and it requires a
surgical operation to remove them
That's what makes it such cruelty,
and the low-browed Democrats do not
even take the trouble to administer
anaesthetics.
Edison is a great man, but If some
one will invent a system for canning
this weather and preserving it until
next January, Edison will lose first
place as public benefactor.
Sometimes a crippled man may
wear a cork pedal with such grace
and ease as to conceal his misfortune,
but very few married men succeed i'll
wearing a disguise that will conceal
theirs.
We hold that the term Jail break
ing should not be applied in a case of
escape from the city bastile. One does
not break a piece of soft cheese, but
merely pushes it apart.
The Virginia preacher who burned
his official robe when he severed his
connections with the church, was un-
wise in his choice of a demonstration.
He should have saved the robe and
made it into a pair of pants. 1t will
be a long time before he will earn
enough at any other game to buy a
pair.
Preaching is like baseball playing,
school teaching or being a policeman
in this respect: a few years of it units
the victim for any other job.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Life is just as sour to some as it is
sweet to others.
- Il
What has become of the old fash
Toned child who was obedient?
d
Few are the fishermen who include
a camera in their outfits.
T. I. j.
Most of the prizes for men in the
matrimonial lottery are talking ma
chimes.
=. I. =
At one age in life, the multiplication
table is the most formidable thing.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

water-sources and a multitude of
people died of thirst; that in the bat
tie of Bella, in 1850, more soldiers
were killed by the sun than by the
weapons of the foe; that in 1903
three great rivers of western Europe
went dry; and that in Odessa, in 1889,
the noon temperature reached 144 de-
grees and sun-shade was necessary
at five in the morning, we are bound
to conclude that We are not so badly
off, after all.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

A turtle. upon whose back had been
carved j. T. Keel, 1852 was found on
heeIs farm, south of this city, by his
son, When the turtle was shown to the
boys father, the elder man remembered
a. once how he had picked up the turtle
oil years ago and carved the words and
date on its back with his knife Accord
ing to Mr.. Keel, the turtle has not game
much in size during the many intervenin 2
years, but the shall has been worn away
in places The elder Keel brought the tur-
tie to Rochester to show to his friends.
but said he would take it back to the
farm, where it had been for so many
years-Rochester Qnd.) Dispatch to the
New York Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06
HOME NEW WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State journal
away from home during the summer
may have the paper mailed regularly
each day to any address at the Fatc
of fen cents n week or thirty cents
n month (by mail only. Address
changed as often as desired. WINE
ont of town the State Journal VIII De
TO Won like a daily letter from nome
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions. to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

And the professors who have
translated the ancient BabyIonian
hleroglyphics that confirm the Biblical
story of Noah and the flood are play
ing safe. The people generally are not
competent to criticize the correctness
of their translation
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Secretary Bryan evidently has no in
tention of permitting himself to be tied
down in Washington with important
matters of state during the entire
chautauqua season. He announces that
further consideration of the Nicaragua
treaty will be postponed until the regu-
~ session of congress-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

can see nothing of logic in his idea that
inasmuch as the crops are to be moved
from the west to the east, the money
to move them should be placed in the
vicinity of their starting points. That
is altogether too simple and sensible
a plan to appeal with any force to the
money kings
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Atchison's activity. through its fire
department in saving the saloon village
of East Atchison, Mo-. from destruc-
ton, will probably result in a demand
for legislation that will prohibit the
use in wet territory of fire apparatus
that properly belongs in dry, terri
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Henry Wilson. the Mexican ambas-
sador, is also in a position to give ex-
pert testimony that property rights are
not secure even in New York city I'M
der the present conditions that prevail
in the metropolis. His pockets We're
recently picked there to the tune of
SIPS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

When express companies get ready
to cut their next melon there is likely
to be much weeping and wailing Ind
crashing of teeth because of the $685.
100000 slice that has been removed
from it by the recent order of the in
terstate commerce commission which
makes a Is per cent reduction in the
express rates.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

That reduction in freight rates to
Topeka on carload lots of bananas will
be more than offset in the near future
by the duty which the Democratic
statesmen propose to levy on this fruit
and fond
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Even though they don't receive PEN
sions, the survivors of the Quantren
raid appear to be growing more
numerous each year According to
present repute, there are now no less
than six hundred of them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

New York's banks are again peeved
because Secretary McAdoo has no in
tention of depositing all of the $50. 000,-
900 crop moving fund with them. They
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

If the thermometer doesn't stop
flirting with 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
they are likely to become married, and
then it will be a permanent affair
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

President Wilson's determination not
TO Intervene in Mexico by force of arms
is welcome news. This country has
other uses for the flower of its man
hood and its funds
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Old Clip Castro seems to qualify for
a high place among the feIines. His
lives. politically speaking at any rate,
are apparently without number.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Apparently John Bull is no believer
IN the theory that in onions there is
strength. He is preparing to locate a
naval base in the Bermudas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Jarndyce VS.. Jarndyce is likely to lose
it's laurels to the Kimmel case which
has again been appealed to the higher
courts
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

John D. Rockefeller says he is still
boy And unlike most boys he ha
plenty of spending money.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The etate Journal IL a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the r1Il oay
1elerreph report of that great news ~
Eanizat1on for the exclusive AFTERNOON
qualification in Topeka
The news is received in The State jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Chlorinda-'How can you dream of mar
rying man who writes such stupid love
letters" Marigold-"But just think. dear
he can write the most beautiful checks,
and that's the main thing after ones mar
ried. Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

This job of being a United States
senator is getting more unattractive
all the time. A new rule of the SEN
ate compels its members to work sew
en- hours a day
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Incidentally, it will scarcely be pos
sible for policewomen to develop into
cops of the "plain clothes variety.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

It is now in order for some patriotic
E,nglishman to donate a cup for inter-
national competition in cricket.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

One Huerta is probably grieving over
the loss of such a staunch ally as
Henry Lane Wilson.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

EVELYN,S ART.

n -
After q successful season in LONDON,
Evelyn NeSbit Thaw is back in New
York, where she is to be featured at
Ammerstein's roof garden to make q
New York holiday. 1t is her first ap-
pearance in New York Stageland since
Thaw copied her from the chorus
That is, if you except the performance
put on at the Thaw trial; some show.
And isn't Evelyn the violet by the
messy stone, Remembering the press
agenting of that angel child period of
her cubist career, she says she stayed
off the stage so long, waiting for time
to pass, so that she might go in and
win on her artistic merits. Her
artistic merits you will recall, got her
a job in the chorus where looks and
legs are the Main Thing, and she got
no further before her life began to
be devoted to Other Purposes. And
since that period of extended hypo-
thetical questions, dementia Ameri-
cana, brainstorms and the like, she
has had no stage experience until she
began starring in a London music hall.
which she hopes to repeat in New
York. And probably she will, for the
crowds are curious, and eager to be
parted from Their kale. But why
blame art or give it credit? Nature
and notoriety are the drawing cards.
Nature gave her a baby face, and
Notoriety furnishes the appeal for
NHOS0 whom IdllS 10
Evelyn's art isn't strictly histrionic.
such as she has being devoted to making
fool men bigger fools. In that she has
had considerable success, and in that
also probably is the real reason she
has stayed off the stage so long, the
Thaw fortune and others affording bet
ter picking.-Atchison Globe.
o.
UNDESIRABLE FACTORIES.
Not all the factories that might be
had are a help to a town. There are
some that are a positive detriment
and some that it would be foolishness
to acquire. There are slop shops and
factories of textile fabrics that employ
children and women at the lowest
wages, wages that afford but a bare
existence and which are a constant
incentive to vice. The population
gained by securing such factories is
undesirable and tends to impoveriSh
city. And there are hundreds of adj
TenturerS who imagine that they could
build up big business if they had but
the capital to back them. They are
the fathers of infant industries seekirE
for wet nurses. Once in a long time
one of these establishments succeeds
but as a general rule it is better bust
ness, if the business men of town
want to invest in a mandatory, that
they establish it themselves and hire
their manager. The factory that does
not pay living wages is never desirable
and the factory that needs a wet nurse
is rarely so.-Leayenworth Times
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06
by THE WAY
BY HARVEY PARSONS.

Trimming the express companies is
great sport, but a number of Kansans
hope that it will not continue until the
express companies are put out of bust
ness The passel-post will not carry
it, and the freights are too slow.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

At last, equality of the sexes has ar
rived The latest Topeka resident to
acquire case of SNAKES is a woman.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-06

Strong-arm doctors announce that
tuberculosis may be cured by twisting
the spine of the patient. This is a
little different from the regular treat
ment for tuberculosis, which is to pull
the leg of the patient.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19
Daysey Mayme and Her Folks
By FRANCES L. GARSIDE.

rs somebody dead2" he asked,
more apprehensive.
NO, but there ought to be both re-
piled. turning their eyes on him.
I.ySander John felt better. Il is
something TO know why one is TO he
hanged, consolation not always
granted the husband
You are responsible" from his
wife, u have cried Ike this all day"
from his daughter.
III YOU had any consideration for
MS. you wouldn't like them" from his
wife It's a vulgar taste, anyway"
from his daughter.
But what have / dOne?" from the
bcwildeTed Iysander John.
You said YOU wanted homemade
pickles and We have been Pealing
onions all day"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19
Items of Interest

Fifty years ago there was one lu-
matte i'm 575 Of the population. now
there is one i'm 1852 At this rate i'm
500 years there will be more insane
than sane people i'm the world
At Sotheby's rooms recently a num-
Der Of autOgra pied manuscripts by
Robert Burns were sold. Several OF
the manuscripts showed value OF
SIS q line.
It Is computed that in the two Bal
kan wars some 100000 men persisted.
or the mon Turkey lost 10000 ana
Bulgaria 10000.
A paper chimney, 50 feet high and
freproof is a curiosity to be seen at
Brcslau. Germany.
Gold coin loses 1 per cent Of
weight in 80 years, silver I per cent
in 10 years.
Lions and tigers are too weak il
lung power to run more than half .
mile.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19

n olNhf-Dr are you named OF
~ your mother because she has
sense enough and love for Won
enough to make you take decent care
# yourself?
Go right on being ashamed. little
girl, but be ashamed Of yourself this
time.
You need some kind Of emotion to
straighten out your sadly mixed
IDEAS. What do you suppose your
mother acts that way" for2
To spite you2
She hates the sight Of you. SUP
pose, and takes that way to get
even"
It's way mothers have-she
doesn't do a thing for YOU does She
never sits up late finishing I'll frorz
for YOU so that YOU viii look as
fresh and pretty as any of the girls?
Never goes without a new hat her
self SO you can have the sweet thing
YOU are just dying for, the one with
the roses on one side and the pinks
on the other?
Never sits up waiting for you when
her head aches, and she'd give a year
of her life for a good long sleep
Never makes a cake for YOU. when
she hates the very sight Of a cake
pan?
Never stayed up all night with you
when you were ill2 Never thinks Of
YOU during the day-iust Hvse for
herself, doesn't she-and wants to
keep you n perfect prisoner-to get
even" with you for being younger
than she is2
That's your view Of IT. is it? Well.
little girl, you're wrong, all wrong.
Wrong from beginning to end. and
from start to finish. You've GOT just
one good friend in all the world and
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19

Funeral Designs and Flowers
FOR ALL OCCASIONS.
Atlanta Flora. Company
455 EAST FAIR STREET.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19
AGirl and Her
Mother
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX.

DEAR MISS FAIRFAX.
My mother won't lot me and
my chum go to picture shows un-
less she goes, too, and il makes
me SO mad. My ChUm's mother
is nice woman and she lets my
chum go alone all right What
can I do TO make mother listen
to rea SOM The other night I
stayed late at my chum's house.
and she acted as if ! had broken
all the Ten Commandments Ii
makes me so ashamed ] don't
know what to do.
SWEET SIXTEEN.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19
In Good Humor.

He wakes up cayly and goes of to
work jubiiantiy. and returns merrily
and meets frigldity and il is NOT till
he has sWayed az the end of the rope
for a week that he learns his nfeusa
was neglect to kiss his wife goodbye.
He fOrgets it is her birthday, and
passes over the anniversary of the
day when ne first met her without "a
sign of recognition and swings for IT,.
SVoetly determined To- he above fault
finding and to- suffer i'm silence, his
wife never calls attention 20 his faults
i'm the commission. she assumes the
role of the silent martyr instead.
Lysdnder John Appleton is SO &C
Custumcd 10 the moose that when he
entered his home the other evening
he was not surprised to- find his wife
in tears lie did not know what he
had done TO offend. He wondered with
a sigh if he had done anything.
She sohhed when she took mp the
dinner. and tears dropped in big gobs
on the tableCloth when she served the
soup. He looked to Daysey Nayme
for an explanation and founi her
,ountcnance was also tear soaked.
Her eyes swan in tears like two oys-
ters i'm a saucer Of brine. and when
she tried To eat she Choked with emo
tluu.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19

What" he asked ncrvously. "is the
Natter"
Daysey Wayne looked at her moth
or, and from the eyes of each woman
there flashed a look Of rescntful I'M
derstandiug that resembled i'm the
prevailing dampness flash from a
lighthouse blurred by the rain.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19
Little Bobbie' S Pa
By WILLIAM F. KIRK.

= KOOL has begun aggenn & I have
new tcecher Her naim is Miss
- NcCahe d she is awful prittv.
Last ycer my teecher was big Il hoamly
a dident like her beekaus she hit me
with a rules beekaus ! diheut know
what was the capital Of Rhode Hand !
toaId Ma & Pa all about my new tecch-
err x sed [ was going to like her vary
much.
That is nice, Bobbie. sed ra I was
always lucky wen I was yuug boy. All
uf my teccbcrs was pritty, too. [ always
liked them q they liked me beckaus
was brite & newer Eafv them any trub-
aer
What are your Studies going 70 he
this yeer. Robbie sed Ma.
1 toaId Ma | was going to study his
tory for the first time
That is a grand study, history. sed
Pa. ] was always CRATE in history Il
is awful fascinating. Pa sed, to turn
back oaver the dusty pages Of history
& read about all them old Ieagucrs.
Wait tin You get to studying all about
them old Greeks, Robbie. sed I'- < how
thay fought for thare freedum with the
English x the GauIs
The Greeks newer fought with the
Gauls q English, sed Ma. The Romans
fought with the Gauls. ~ ! believe the
Yankees fought Lice! with ;he Ems
ljsh. You are CITING awful rusty on
yure history. Ma sed
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19

Copyright, 1918. International News
Service.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19
Keep Young AS Long
AS You Can

~ EEP your hair youthful looking.
Don't let # grow old before your
years. Faded or gray hair makes
woman look from, 10 to 20 years older
than Il the hair were beautiful and
Ivs+r0rs
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19
6 /IIu [lzou D0n,t+, % BY ANNA HELD
1 az
BY ANNA HELD.

'Headlng Anna Holds Au-Star Variete
jubilee. norr Mana cement
Of John turty
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-19
SWEET SIXTEEN.

A 5HAMED, are you-ashamed Of
. your mother because she has
sense enough and love for Won
nnlIUh To M lkn AsnIL tnL-n L.---.. -
Bisbee daily review., 1913-03-23
BORDERL AND ROUTE
 FINE, SAYS WATSON
Sacramento Man and Family Arrive in Bisbee on Way to Louisiana.

John. Watson. accompanied by his wife and two children. arrived in the city yesterday by automobile from Sacramento The trip is being made in a Studebaker %.
 ''The Borderland route from Sacra- meuto to Bisbee is in excellent con ditiOn,' said Mir Watson yesterday. There is only one improvement that could be made and that Is the pIac- ing of sign posts at frequent inter vals. However, the road is so we'll travelled, that it is almost impossible to loose. ones way. We have had great satisfaction with our car and have not been tied up at all on ac- count of repairs. We will leave here tonight for LordsbuTgh and expect 10 arrive in LOrdsburgh Sunday night and Fl Paso the next night. We are going to Louisiana points. At Fl Paso we will be forced to leave the Borderland route and. from what ! have heard. T am afraid that the road east of Fl Paso is in pOoE condition. p Mir. Watson expects to return to Sacramento via Bisbee and intends to stop of here and make a general inspection Of the district, favorable reports of which, he said, have reached the coast