Fergus County Democrat., 1913-09-23

his father can't deny that baby!"
Father knows where the Giants fin
ished in 1912, but he has to ask mother
how old the children are
Every now and then a man who
thinks he has married a canary finds
that she is only screech owl.
Reform makes more fuss and does
less good than anything in the world.
One beauty about poker as an in
vestment Is that you do not have to
wait until the stock market opens to
learn how you lost it.
One of the things that keep the old
world straight is the fear of getting
caught.
1t is hard to make an engaged couple
realize that they will need more than
one chair to go housekeeping.
One reason why politics is popular
is because you can talk it all day and
not know blame thing about it.
AS soon as self-made man gets
married his wife begins making altera-
tiOns.
Any time you see man waiting on
himself when he is home you can bet
that he is mad at his wife.
When q girl calls man by his first
name he'd better look out for his last
name.
Experience is good stuff, but we all
pay too much for it.
The man who says he is as good as
YOU are means he thinks he is durn
sight better.
You have just as much good luck
as bad luck, but you are always ad-
vertising the bad luck.
What is the good of woman if you
can't admire her? Why was she made
beautiful if you are not supposed to
worship her in secret? Every man
likes to look at pretty girl, and he
would turn and rubber after her only
he is afraid some one will see him.
The slit skirt and the freak blouses
will go this winter. But curves will
always be in style.
Some men who think it wicked TO
60 to a theater on Sunday will stay
home and raise Cain.
When daughter is sitting in the
front room with the young man, she
knows mother won't make any breaks
But father is liable to butt in and ask
when she got through shaving her
corns.
A boy wouldn't have to go to school
if he learned other things as easily as
he learns cuss words.
The children in Chicago schools are
to have course in physical purity"
this winter What has become of the
old-fashioned little girl who used to
grow up in darkest ignorance until her
mother thought she was old enough
to be told things,
Some men and some women get
their compilations out of bottles. But
the women take their externally.
A woman can take page ad. of a
bargain sale and get as much comfort
out OF 1t as man can out of the sport
ing page.
Some girls are so changeable that
they won't wear the same complexion
twice.
A cross-eyed man won't try to make
googoo eyes at the girls, but girl who
shutters will gossip as much as any
other girl
The fool men don't know it, but
there are more married women boost
ing their husbands than there are
knocking them.
Maybe you haven't noticed it, but
| the dumDest men are those who talk
all the time.
When there is company" at the
house and she asks for drink of
water boy will dig up an old cracked
cup, but girl will polish up the best
glass in the place.
They may be hammering you here,
but you have the consolation of know
Ing that they will all be boosting you
when you are dead. Cheer up.
A princess doesn't give a hang
whether fellow has any brains or not
as long as he has curly hair.
Father wants to slap the children be-
cause they don't take castor oil. But
when he has to take it he makes the
war in the Balkans look like a pink
| tea.
| About the time hubby and honey get
things arranged so that two can live
as cheaply as one the stork butts in
| and breas up the combination by
q