Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1913-02-14

that can happen to a woman is to
fall and cut her cheek and then
have the doctor sew her mouth up
by mistake. Amariah Tilson. the
humorist down to the barber shop.
says he last time he was down
to the city he had a chance to go
to a funeral and took il in. a splendid
time being had. Am says he didn't
learn the name OF the deceased as he
only went for the ride. Rod Peters
box to keep the ice in but he got
fooled. He says the ice don't keep in
tho box at ALL. He put q chunk in
last Tuesday and "Wednesday morning
it was all melted. Elmer Jones has
got the hives and now Miss Amy
Stubbs. our milliner, calls him her
honey boy"
CAUGHT ON THE FLY.
The secretary of agriculture has
5000, 900 seeds to distribute. But
there will not be enough to go around.
as there are 5000, 600 of us.
Turkey has the Uncomfortable habit
of keeping right on fighting long after
she liz whipped.
Report says the stock market is hold
ing up we'll. Yes. and holding up
everybody.
A New York theatrical man is ad-
vertising for the most beautiful wom-
an in the world. which. by the way.
Is one of the easiest ways to get into
a lot of trouble.
Champ Clark's Well known sense of
humor absolutely refuses to work
when any one mentions Mr.. Bryan.
La Toilette says the "untry needs
q surgical statesman. Yes. indeed.
one who a cut out a tot of things.
Life is hardly going to be worth
living when the mail carrying aero
planes begin dropping those heavy
mail order house catalogs on us.
N Georgia man has invented a seed
less watermelon. but the genius is yet
to arrive who will invent one with Il
handle.
A revolution has just been started
in Ecuador. from which ACT 1t MAY
be considered that conditions there
have returned to normal.
a man tired OF paving alimony
leaped into h Hudson river, whicl
was the most important plunge he ha,
AIKEN since he plunged into the Sc;
of matrimony.
New Zealand is rapidly acquiring,
civilization: Parliament adjourned
the other day to see n baseball game
While they are trying to decide who
was the first Wilson man. it is SAT.
to say that Woodrow was.
A man with Il wooden leg is walkin.
around the world. He will prob
ably make it if he keeps peggins
away.
John Philip Sousa has written a new
opera. To be really sousaesque il
should have Il boiler explosion at the
end of every measure.
After all is said and done. the beet
trust itself furnishes the best arg,-
ment for Negetarianism.
Governor Wilson is q great writer
ana Governor Marshall is Il great read
er. That is as 1t should be, for Il presi.
dent has nothing to do but write and
a vice president has nothing to do but
read.
Chicago court decides that a woman
who steps off street-cars the wrong
way has no claim for damages. Then
no woman has amy claim for damages.
Chauncey Depew is s%ojourning at
Paris. Well. perhaps there are a few
OF his good ol6 ones that Paris hasn't
heard or else has forgotten.
Inc price of champagne may, if it
keeps on soaring. reach Il height where
1T Will be impossible to christen any
moro battleships. and universal peace
will result.
Calve says one must be tall and thin
to succeed in America. but in spite OF
that Charlie Fairbanks never got any
farther than the vice presidency.
The Mexican revolution seems to
break out fresh at the psychological
moment when there is nothing else to
put in the newspapers.
A federal jury has held the wall pa
per trust guiltless of wrong doing. hut
there are those who will always believe
that some of Its paper Is a crime.
Paris d~ressmakers say skirts will be
tighter. Not unless they are painted
on.
One way to get even with the food
trust is to stop eating. This is one Ut
the very pOores ways.
There is said to be in New York "a
young man who possesses the sixth
sense. New York is the place to- use
1t all right.
Now they say that Buffalo Bill wears
a wig. but nobody has the hardihoOd
to start a story to the effect that Col
onel Roosevelt has false teeth.
A CABINET READY MADE.
Oh. listen here. dear Woodrow.
You should not fume or fret
Concerning the appointment
OF your new cabinet.
OF course they are all anxious
TO do h thing for YOU
To pick out your assistants.
And see the matter through.
But there's no use to worry.
We know where you can find
A cabinet that's ready made,
And willing to be signed.
Just take this tip. friend Woodrow,
And you need fret no more:
Accept this bunch and take the bunch
Down at our gru'cry store.
There's Uncle Ezra Harkins.
Who knows each nations fate:
Write him a note and get him for
Secretary OF state.
Hold Peters is a fighter.
And he knows what fightin'S for;
You could get him. we know, for your
secretary Of Il
The agriculture %sinecure
Should go to Angus Jones'.
Who poses as an expert, but
Has m~ortgnged all he owns.
The naval job should be u map