New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-12-14
Brvana Grabs Presidency,
Is OverthroWn and
Vocal Cords Cut.
w. ALSORANDOLPH
HERSTA BOBS UP
Demands Protection for His
Million AcreS-Then Comes
Mrs. PankhurSt.

w dSIlIlSlOIs l'tts lo.-ilON lilt GIINtu
states would be governed under MeXi-
canized administration, how the APP
petites of the hungry offceseekers
should be appeased, the secret of the
perennial domination of Tammany and
the best way to dispose of undesirable
statesmen were some of the questions
which the Gridiron Club undertook TO an
swer in humorous vein tonight before
company Of distinguished guests at its
annual December dinner.
Few of the company escaped the shafts
Of wit Vice-Presdent Marshall, Secre-
tary Bryan and leaders in the Senate and
House came in for a share on the grid
iron. but 1t was evident that no one en-
joyed the grilling more than the victims
themselves
The following letter from President Will
son was read by Rudolph Kaufman 10
the club:
Il am deeply chagrned and greatly
disappointed that a very severe cold still
keeps me indoors and will prevent my at
tending the banquet of the club this even
ing-deeply chagrined' because l seldom
misbehave myself in this way. and am
ashamed and disappointed because l was
looking forward to the evening with keen
anticipation of pleasure. 1 am sure that
/ will miss you much more than you will
miss me, and 1 wish for you the jolliest
and most rewarding evening"
Prospective candidates for Presidential
nomination surely must have been dis
couraged at the troubles and uncertain
ties ahead of them when the American
4ol hn
plan. as disclosed in the opening skit.
BRYAN Grabs the Job.
An extra edition of an evening news
paper announced: Grave Crisis in Amer
lean Affairs. United States MeXicanized'
Old Order Superseded. Dictator Takes
Reins of Government" Whereupon APP
peared in the dining hall an army clad
In ragged but gaudy uniforms, headed by
Bryana Bryan, followed closely by one
Tumulto, with the announced purpose oil
giving an exemplification of Mexican
methods as applied to American affairs.
Bryanna Bryana-Viva Mexico!
Tumulto-Whats the Irish OF it? |
can't talk Spanish.
h. B.-Well, you and your chief have
been walking Spanish for some time. Ac-
cording TO approved Mexican standards |
have grabbed the Presidency.
Voice from rear-Thats the only way
you could get It!
The Dictator then appropriated all the
money in the Treasury and ordered the
execution of a few Congressman. When
urged to save few for the next holiday.
he replied: I'VE can begin on the su-
preme Court tomorrow.
Vice President Marshallera appeared.
and, explaining that he had heard there
was a vacancy in the White House
claimed his rights. He was, however.
promptly elected by the Dictator with the
remark:
Rights? Why, the only right you have
is to wonder about the Presidents state
Of health. and I-am-very-well"'
"Cut His Vocal Cords
After increasing his own salary Bry-
anna Bryana made all his army generals.
told them he could not pay them and
sent them out 10 kill Champero Clarksta'
But that astute leader won over the
army with the promise OF pay ana
marching into the hall. overthrow Bry-
ana and ordered his execution WHICH S'i
tence. however, he was impelled to make
worse by adding, cut his voval cords.
Hardly had the new dictator assumed
Office and killed Senators OGormano'
Reedavera and Hitchkoko before the
army, which has been outside reducing
Senior Bryana's income at it's source re
turned, headed by another pretender-this
time William Asorandolph Hersta'
who demanded tho Presidency on the
ground of "the million acres ! own in
Mexico that 1 want this country TO pro-
tect." He ordered the army TO Kill Clark
ista who bitterly replied: TOO late.
That's what your support did to me at
Baltimore"
Hersta, Selling the reins Of power an
nounced that he wanted 10 intervene
somewhere, and when Tumulto SAID
There's no war al present" replied:
start one. then, and say did II. Ihen
stop it and say l stopped IT"
Moosebulera appeared for the fourth
time TO demand his rights but scuttied