The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-04-08
ABatch,of Smiles

A husband who had dined and win
ed to the limit finds his way home in
the wee sma' hours. He reaches the
library just as he hears his wife's
footsteps at the. head of the stairs
leading to her. bedroom. He hastily
reaches for q book froua~the-4tbfafy
shelves. drops into a. big, easy choir
and has the book spread across his
lap as his wife enters.
John! What are you doing here
at this hour?" she asks.
"Just reading, dear. This book has
been in the library five years. I've
made up my mind dozens Of times to
read it. Tonight I'm. going to finish
it. Don't worry, dear. You go to bed.
I'll continue reading"
The wife, in tones. Of. mingled dis
gust and authority, replies:
John, close that checker board and
come. to bcd!"
from Berlin comes to hand q story
Of a German driving an English
friend a little way outside the capital.
A motor car came tearing past them
at a terrific pace, followed by a tre-
mendous cloud Of dust.
"Ah!' remarked the German
How do you know" inquired the
English friend. who could n dis.
tinguish the occupants Of the car az
DO You suppose any one else in
the world could raise such a dust?'
was the Teuton's reply.
A little girl was sent by her mothe,
to the grocery store with a jug for
quart Of vinegar, -
But, mamma" said the little one
"I can't aav that word"
But you must try" said the moth.
er. "for ] must have. vinegar, an6
there's no else to send"
So the little girl vent with her jug
and as she reached the counter Of thu
store she pulled the cork out Of thu
jug with a pop. swung the jug. on tht
counter with a thud,, and said to the
astonished clerk:
There! Smell of that and give m.
a quartz"
An old woman who. persisted ii
bowling during church service when
ever the name of Satan was mention
ed was reprimanded by the minister
for SO unseemly a habit. The reproo
had, however, no effect. and the min
lister asked her finally, in exaspera
ton, why she thought It necessary t,
bow.
WE'LL" she replied. "civility cost
nothing. and you new know wha
will happen"
why don't you go in?'.- asked on.
tramp Of the other. as:they stood be
fore the gate. Dat dogs all right
Don't you see him Vaughn his tail?
Sure I do" said the second tramp
"but he's a-growling, too. and I dom
know which end to believe."-! -
Champ Clark has the happy knacl
of being able to parry irtcorvenient In
~terruptions with some smart rotor
that Immediately squashes the oppo
sition. He was speaking at. q rathe
noisy meeting not Ions ago. and ate
n short time a big chunk of wood wa
thrown at him. Fortunately the air
platform.
Mr.. Clark picked it up and Shove
1t to the audience"
Good heavens" he exclaimed
tones of mock anxiety, lone Of on
opponents has lost his head"
A hotel proprietor in Baltimore tell
an amusing story in which the mai
figure is an old gentleman. well know
to the walters in the hotels in tn
Monumental city for his aversion
the tipping" system.
One evening the old gentleman
having finished his dinner. was prepaI
ing to leave the hotel when the dark
who had served him bowed and salt
Thank you very much. sah."
What the deuce are you thankin
me for?" angrily demanded the oil
fellow. II haven't given you ans
thing"
pats Jest It. boss" responded til
waiter. II bet No. 10 nifty cents d.
you wouldn't tip me-"