New-York tribune., 1913-07-29
AS | WAS SAYING

Think of those poor, lonesome tourists rlsKins
bombs and English bath-tubs and all the terrors OF
the language in their determination to see England
vet stupidy avoiding the main exhibit. e. tne
English! Why not get in with them? Nothing
could be easier. You invest penny, turn to Page
60 and pick from a wondrous assortment;
SOLITARY Gentlewoman, literary, travelled ortho-
dox Christian seeks correspondent Object-renned
sympathetic intellectual, lasting friendship. spe-
rama X 536)"
young Man, honourable lonely, amateur barry
tone desires to meet reader (22 to 20 Accompanies
if possible for evening music OK 5370'
Irish Centlewoman (widov), cultured, refined
fond nature animals, music, gardening lonely
through lack congenial friends, wishes correspond
ence with kindred spirits. OK 539)'
1.-TWO Rather Jolly North Country girls, blessed
with keen sense of humor, seek correspondents
over 90 CX 540)"
Three girls, sporting, moderately lnteihgeht'
somewhat bored with each other. would like to meet
new friends to help them laugh. OK b4lC/
'wil any take up gentleman by birthY Per-
feet at most things; no friend to direct abilities
OK 542j"
This last is our choice Something tells us we
could make his existence one grand sweet circus
for us!
The clever fellows who believe It to be winter all
summer (and would wear furs If the styles allowed)
have caught several screenings so far and are In
for several more So 1t is out OF pity we suppose
that President Wilson and our talented hotelkeep-
ers advocate white raiment But the reform pro-
ceeds slowly, men dread increasing their laundry
bills
Oh tmId. There will be smaller laundry oils
than ever-hat is II the In white insists on his
tauor's giving him the proper cut In the Sahara.
where the climate is perhaps less torrid than ours
but where shade is scarce and 1t is a long jaunt
between drinks, have rarely seen laundry.
Why? Simply because half-acre Of white cotton
serves interchangeaby as sheet suit and taolecoth'
one Culex writes: did you ever dream skeeter
was boring into the apex Of your nose-and your
hands were ted?"
No. Culex. we never never did. But we often
dream that we have been offered the presidency Of
railroad and have accepted-and cannot find the BIZ
chloride Of mercury.
We do not join in the cheering though II has come
ont during the investigation that there is 300 per
cent profit in tay at - cents the pound. Any day,
now, the exposures may nip us also.
7b. Gentle Cynic has been observing that at s
extremely doubtful II the man who leads double
life has twice as much fun" and now comes good
Brother Smoot Cwell named arguing that "nagging
iustlfes bigamy" Not entirely happy you see.
even with two wives II is the usual experience, We
fancy. As soon you get back from your honey.
moon with Mrs. Two Mrs. one begins naggng.
The question s, Hinnessy,' said the statesman
philosopher Of Archey Road will yez exercise tn
proud birthmark iv an American ctizen| And
now comes good Secretary Daniels "all het up
over precisely that question. though we recall the
political genius who solved II by a cunning little
plan TO arrest non-voters
Thus terror would drive us into the sovereign
chicken coop, force TO prepare ballot and see
to it that we duly fed It TO the sacred clothes
wringer Perfect. Only who 10 make We
marked the crosses instead Of doing the more in
spiratonal and mnder the circumstances) the more
appropriate thing. and dashed off few gay Futur
ist impressions of the candidates? r. l.. II.