davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-24
N>@ u
. Laugh With Us
Little, Stories That HAVE
Made Many smiles.
k1~FA

On one occasion q census clerk. in.
scanning n Of the forms. to see that
|ft had been properly filled. up, noticed,
the figures 100 and 112 under: the
heading. age Of father. II living" and
Age Of mother. II living" =
But your parents were never so
old, were they?" queried the astonish-
ed clerk.
NO" was the reply, but they would
ha' bin. II living"
Mrs. Casey was proud Of her stronr.
muscular son., and still more proud Of
and made himself locally famous.
Then day q rumor reached her
Michael came home that niEht she
proceeded to take himsto task.
Look here, Mike Casey, what's this
I'm hearing about yer doin's At the
gymnasium? Don't ye know it's poor
we are. an havin' ne money to pay
Tor Yer destructive carryin' on?"
asked the astonished Mike.
Amt they sayin' all over town that
ye have broke two Of the best. rec
ords down there? she howled.-Na-
tional Magazine.
-. Tn what some do We ltve'" asked
The Temp'rut zone." chanted tbe
well-drilied class.
Right. And what do we mean hx
temperate? Willie, you may answer.
"Temp'rut is where where its freez-
IN, cold . the time an. roastin' hot
II Willie wasn't. sent to the head for
that II. wasn't because. he didn't de.
serve the. honor.
Little Bertha was invited out IA
dinner with her father and mother.
before she went, however. it was arm.
~ impressed upon her mind that she
must not speak unless spoken Ia. All
went smoothly for a while. but when
some time had elapsed. and no notice
was taken Of her, she began to get I'M.
easy.
Finally. the. hostess, seeing some.
would like next.
II should like to have you begin to
ask me qrestions." was the polite re.
ply.-Lippincott's.
The farmer had bought a pair NJ
shoes In the city shop. "Now, can't I
sell. you a pair of shoe trees?" sus-
gested the clerk.
Don't git fresh with me. sonny"
replied the farmer. bristlinx up; 81
don't believe shoes kin be raised on
trees any NORM believe riubber1 rrow
on rubber trees or oysters on: .oyster
plants. .b'gosh!"
II see you have saddle horse
now" observed the man in the cafe.
yes" acknowledged the other. aSiy
doctor. advised me to 30 in for ridins.
I've never done ans. Of. It. before.
men Ro y Z q 81 it, : 5000 deal OF .mu'e.
more than I do"
II haven't seen her riding with you"
"oh. she doesn't ride. She SAYS it,s
safer and funnier to sit on 4 nsrs
bench and watch mo 20 by" =,
There never was such a baby: tber.
never was. never had been ana never
could be under any conceivable cir.
cumstances on earth.
molly. my love-. cried daddy
bouncing in upon his 7-year-oid.
Uncle. George has Just arrived. ana
hes enraptured. He said: There new-,
or was such o baby and he offered tn
buy her for q sovereign an ounce"
you're moi going to sell her. ara
you?" asked Molly, with wide men
eyes. os"
mo; my precious" cried tn. de-.
tionately over this show Of proner
sentiment. ~ l& op
4"Because." resumed Molly, ".h.y,.
Pc heavier .whSn she's older. .anSif.
'fstch more!" "'S =
: ~. r.---4.- e 80 . ~. ~ ~ r..f.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-24

Who made in Canada her bow
upon l!fe's Well-knOwn stage, %.
wisely stepped across the line
while yet of tender age? Who
did the leading lady stunt for
good old Jas. O'Neill and landed
next with sothern. then with
Mansfield for a reel? Who train
ed with Henry Miller with the sob
stuff to tho fore and wept salt
tears enough the while to fill a
reservoir? Who shone too lus-
trously to stay a shrinking satel-
lite and SO r long burst forth a
star in her exclusive right? Who's
taken now to Rosalind and Kate.
the suffragette, and other DANES
shakespearian?. Miss. AnEiin-
Margaret. -. ::,.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-24
REPRESENTATIVE Jim" MANN,s
MIND AS PICTURED By THE
HON. OLLIE JAMEs-sUNDAY
NIGHT DRINKS IN WASHING.
TON.
tBy Herbert Corey,

(By Herbert Corey.)
Washington. Sept. 22.-Representa-
tive Jim" Mann Of Illinois only lives
to slip burs under the democratic sad.
dlehap nowadays. The other day he
got that monolithic statesman, Senator
".Ollie" James Of Kentucky, to pitch
Ing and tossing. Mr.. James intimated
eye. A large, important fact. said Nfr.
James, would elude Mr. Mann's obser-
walton completely. But a little, pic.
ayune, twenty-to-the-nest sort. OF fact
would keep him marvelling for hours.
HE makes ms think" said Mr..
James, "of the nan who came into a
surgeons ONCE down in Kentucky in
my grandfather's day. This man-had
an eye shot out in a fight. and he
handing that he be given a new eye
"'And I don't want no glass eye,'
said this poor unfortunate. I want
an I can see WITH
THE surgeon said that II the man
would take the chance he would put
an animals y in the. socket. So the
man said he was willing. The only
animal handy was the surgeons cat.
So he tool u n Of pussy's eyes
MIN loose. A month afterward the
man came back to the Office.
whats the matter. man?' asked
the surgeon. You sur are looking
mighty haggard. Don't the ~ work
all right?' :.
"'Well.' said the man. grudgingly,
4 a % with 1t. II that's what you
mean. But I got to have It taken
out. 1t keeps me up all night long
looking for mice" !.
You're constantly stubbing your toe
against the past here. Attorney Cas-
silly Cook Of New York entered into
casual conversation with his seat
neighbor on a street ear. The other
man remarked that he had lived here
since before the civil war.
Were you in town." asked Mr..
Cook. when. President Lincoln was
ri; Tss other man protested himself
quite familiar with iii the details Of
that tragedy. Mr.. Cooks. interest
Perhaps" said he, "you were even
acquainted with some Of the treach-
erous cohspirators:"
"Mrs. surratt." said the other man.
was my aunt"
Mr.. Cook rode for four blocks in
silent thought. Then he got of.
This town 10 raising a breed Of
thirty-minute drunkards. Under the
Webb law no intoxicsnt may be sold
or given away on Sunday. Under the
Works law saloons must close at I
o'clock In the morning. This leaves
an oasis hour between midnight sun
day and / O'Clock q. m. Monday. It's
the only hour. too. for this FEDERAL
law 10 enforced to the decimal part
Of q letter.
SO that Washington palates pop
open like frecrackers all day Sunday.
At 1880 o'clock Sunday night the
booze line forms. Patient sufferers
+. ,ccasionally clacking q wooden tongue
fsgainst 4 pair Of dry lips. At mid
night the ltghts 80 up ana the doors
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-24

Now that policewomen as we'll as
Chicago, It 10 evident that the position
Of the innocent hystandar there has.
become lnors. prsearious than ever.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-24

That Investigation having been
completed. the New York, New Haven
& Hartford is probably now an ideal
railroad.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-24

A convention meeting In Buffalo
transferred its session from a hotel
to q cemetery. Can Buffalo hotels be
a. bad as all that?
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-24

A dispatch from Berlin says a chess
player has been frozen to death.
Somehow. playing chess and taking
care of the furnace don't seem to
work we'll together.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-24

II you are smarter than your enemy
isn't It surprising that you don't get
along better than you do?
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-24

"A well-bred person; needn't devote
his spare time to telling about II. in
order to esta blish the fact.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-09-24

Strikes Ire being called on you,
If you can't see the umpire.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06
STEEL PRICES REDUCED

l. New York, Oct. 6.---Accortline /,
reports current In the financial dis.
trtct. Independent steel and iron
manufacturers are quoting further
reductions in prices OF manufactured
products to consumers In this market
and New ENGLAND. A cut Of 81 q
ton In steel plates and sheet steel was
reported today and other reduction
are said to be In contemplation. '
SO far as is known the United
States Steel corporation has not de
waited from it's recent schedule. nor
has 1t In any way intimated any
change Of policy in this respect.
Price reductions have been more or
less general for several weeks but
the enactment of:tkA new txrtff law
is believed, tosbe dfrsciy respons6bls
for the lower prices 81; the iast. few
days. "; ! ,': tt&
y United States Steel common and
similar issues were weak in today's
market. steel declining to $50 in the
first hour. it's lowest price IN, some
months Most OF hs-selling was at.
tributed to out of town sources, pal.
ticularly Pittsburgh where first hand
information concerning trade condi-
tions is emily obtainable.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06
DEll HNOMe FOR
SALE Of cARBEl
PROPERTY, RED RIVER

A deal invoivins the transfer OF
the property OF the Caribel u. and
n. company 10 the Red River nining
district to one Of the largest mining
Companies In the Cripple Creek DIS
trict viii probably he closed within
the next few days. f-..
=. NJ. Y. L. Pratt. president. and J.
u. oarssw. vice prsssasse d the Carl
bel. wese u cosseresce nearly al day
ytttrd3y With . representative Of
this corporation. Neither Of the par.
rles interested would discuss the re.
suit Of the conference further than
to admit that the proposition submit.
ted BY each did not preclude n com.
promjse II IL known that there has
Been frequent correspondence follow
ing preliminary examination Of the
mine two months ago.
The fact that Cripple Creek and
Colorado Spring. capitalists are will
Ing to exploit properties In the Red
River country. 10 Of Interest to Trim.
idad people. who are the principal
hoiders Of sround In that country ID
that country. l.ouIs Scarvada. o
Starkvilie. IL preparing = trial ship
ment Of ore from recent strike on
Bitter Creek. opposite the Memphis
Blk inches OF the vein. which IL about
four feet wide where opened up a,
grass roots. assays from $464, to $s7l
per ton. Freak Reed and associates
also Of this city. have uncovered or,
running a. high a. 5000 per ton
They are working Q property adjoin
Ing scarvada. ...
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06


could GET" .,,r~.h ui.'
Mr.. Ryaa was ,hAa ;tstaiisd and
questioned regarding . eonversation
he had With Governor eulses week
before the conveninx oeahe court Of
impeachment. He saiaD ihst he had
seen the governor alone At his New
York office. 80. a. o..
He made certain. reqatsts Of nsS
the witasls bsSsa.y IN. tselatiss the
\ essvsesstsoa. ''HseasA4e,as iaSso
70 Washisstee AnA.sse senator Roes
for him. ~, ..'s ~ y ~
Judge Hesrirt AT Attorney Mar
shall Of the 0ovtsSor's counsel made
strenuous objsctioa. ne. 49,
What did he say to you On the
subiec, OF r's approaching triai!"
I va. .ubpoeastd befof. 4ke eomln,,.
ter no, to nay amy attention 70 the
subpoenas."
Tho Frawiey commitsee:" asked
Mr.. stanchfteld.
lie said no one had a right to
subpoena me- ....
I The answer was stricken out.
He also saidi he wanted the trial
10 be declared Illegal" the witness
continued. land that Ne hoped II
would be held that the assembly In
Extraordinary session had. no right
to impeach him. lie asked me
to 30 to WashinEton -"
Another objection BY Mr.. Herrich
Stopped the answer. ..4 .,.
Didn't you have talk with Gov.
ernor salzer in reference to securing
some one to Influence the action OF
this cobit?" II 10y
Befor. he could be stopped by IN
objection the witnes. ,answsrce
Yes" - r-t SiA>aEe. tsls
State that Conversation" said
Attorney stanchfield. after Judge
Cullen had ruled that the witness
might answer.
He asked me to 30 to Wash inK-
ton" Ryan replied. ito see Senator
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06
Hobs FATHHl FOR
DEATH OF INFANT son

Santa F'e. n. NJ. Oct. s.-Francis-
co Rivera y uri6ste IL In jail here
charged with the, murder Of his year
and half old son. and the coroner's
jury decided that the infant. Fiji.
berto Rivera. came to Its death due
and owing to III treatment received
at the hands Of its father. The Jury
also fund 1s distinct wounds on the
child's body. some Of them healed
over showing that they had been
made months ago. Investig ations
are now being conducted into the
deaths Of three other sons. all Of
whom died in infancy. and under
circumstances which become Of In
terest now following the develop
ments in the present case. Urioste
however has as year old daughter
Of whom he Is very proud.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06
YUAN sM xAI ELECTED
P1Ean91T OF CHINA

Pekins. China. OH. s.-Yuan Sol
Raj wasftoday elected rrssident Of
the chiaese republic Tor . term Of
five years. He received the neess-
sary two thirds vote Of the united
houses Of parliament On the third
ballot. - -%sr
!. OF ~ $50 mt.sae.t'' " III A:,iss
Pf Representatives sud seaatp 7ss
were II attendance. On the final
ballot. Ynan Shi Kai received so7
votea. only one more than the neces-
sary two-thords. Ii Yuen Hens. pro-
visionai vice preaiAent received l7s
votes. The other ballots were scat
tered among twenty minor candidates
Ii Yuen Hens. II was declared. had
asserted that he would not take the
nomination. The announcement Of
the result was received with enthu-
siasm. The proceedinss lasted -
hours. s.-.... .-
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06

Root and request him TO see William
Barnes and get him to endeavor to
have Republican members OF this
body to vote that this court had no
right to try him. to impeach him."
The testimony created sensation
in the court room and hurried con-
ference. OF Governor sulxer's counsel
followed. They then asked that the
conversation be stricken out. This
request Judge Culleu granted. The
court sustained Judge Cullen.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06

- ~
at the art institute. Her. murder
marked the end q 4 long. pitjsul
ssruRsic TO make her way a. seuI.
ptcs. = Her studies At the university
OF Chicago we're To III her for work
by which she could earn enough "a
complete her art education. FOR sew.
eral winters she taught school "a
turning to the city to resume work
atthe art institute.
Only q few days bsesrc she vss
lured to her death she had advertised
- . domestic, saying she must have
FUNDS to continue. her studies and
was willing 70 do kitchen work.
Late Saturday afternoon q man
Who gave the name Of Wilson tele::
phoned the residence where Misc
IIeeGsP lived and asked her TO take
. position % nurse In a maternity
case. She was directed to 70 to fist
street and Western avenue aud walk
to an address four miles west. The
body was found three miies west OF
the street intersection IN Z el1tRp a
bushes. The sadress to which she,
had been directed does not exist. !;
Game wardens followed . trail Of
torn clothing to the spot where her
half nude body was lying. On her
neck were finger marks and encircil-!
ing 1t was thin blue line which
was made BY piece Of cord nearby
=.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06

Of BY cpble est Of piyers. The nc.
t'oa sad dialogue Of the drama u NOT
iscryusose. bat rather bright and the
hamor and comedy Of the play wers
not exaggerated o. far fetched. 0oDe
very excellent opportunity was given
to the Leads and to the finished actor
who filled the role OF Jimmy.
There II NO miseakin9 the eoaclu.
sion that Brosdhurst who has given
the stage 10 many spleadid dramas.
has done some Of his best work IN
Bought and PAID For." u b the kiad
OF drama that scores With shinkinx
people who Wish to he both iasessst.
ed sad amused.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06
BOUGHT AND PAID FOR"
SCORES WITH LOCAL AUDIENCE

A powerful presentation OF that
celebrated Broadhurst. drama Bought
and Paid For" was given At the West
theatre Saturday night. Thl dramg
itself Is a strong portrayal of the
problem of the alliance between mon
ey and maidenly honor and virtue,
and q really human theme is touched
upon. The scenes were made the most
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06
SUPREME COURT DECIDES on
SALE OF LIQUOR IN CAFES

Denver. Colo. Oct. 6.-The state
Supreme court today decided that no.
tells and restaurants must conform to
the midnight and Sunday closing
law. and not serve liquors. even with
meals. during the prescribed hours.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06
Trinidad Cult Eleetisa.

Election OF officers will be held
this evening Al the frinidsd Club for
the snsuiex year. There are two sets
Of candidates up for election and II
Is likely the contest will b~ close
one. Following the election refresh
meats Will Be served
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06
Social Affairs; |
@ LOCAL MOTIONS. &
~ AND SOCIETY," NEWS III

their fiss, meeting Saturday nj tho
home Of Price Duaisvy. WaSnsrtan
operas will h~ studied this year. Aiss
Gertrude Barret, read the biography
OF Wagner and gave . short sketch
Of the opera Tristan and Isoid~s.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06

Aisionazy 1scisty
The Homo Missionary Society Of
thu South Msihodist Church will
meet sonosrow afternooa u tue homo
Of Mrs. ". q. Hines n s:' Colorado
avenue NJ $3.50 o'clock.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06
q. Naysarst's Guild.

~. Msrssrrt'x Guild OF the Epis.
eopai ehareh will meet on Tuesday
afternoon At : o'elork nj the home Of
Mrs.. l.. 3. Cornell. sos Walnut 81.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06

Music Study Glass.
Tue memben Of Miss Victoria
Martisoya's Music Study Class held
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06

Alec there the MI demand
that ~
These
INT they o be effective?
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06

chronicle-N.ws soc a month.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06

chronicle-Nsws soc = month.
The chronicle=news., 1913-10-06
NEW EVIDENCE
N IMPEACHMENT

tresssss.A ss.s ~, ~
Licking Valley courier. [volume] (West Liberty, Ky.) 19??-current, 1913-06-26

The presence of good manners
is nowhere more needed or eff
fective than in the householy, and
perhaps nowhere more rare.
Whenever the familiarity exists
there is a tendency to loosen the
check upon selfish conduct which
the presence of strangers invol-
unfairly produces. Many persons
who are kind and courteous in
company, are rude and careless
with those whom they love best.
Emerson says: Good manners
are made up of petty sacrifices, "
and certainly nothing can more
thoroughly secured the harmony
and place of the family circle
than the habit of making small
sacrifices for one another,
Children thus learn good man
ners in the best and most natural
way, and habits thus acquired
will never leave them. Courtesy
and kindness will never lose their
power or their charm, while all
spurious limitations of them are
to be despised. Big Sandy
News.
Licking Valley courier. [volume] (West Liberty, Ky.) 19??-current, 1913-06-26
THE CHAuTAUQUA MuSCALL0DGE.

The muscallonge of Chautauqua
Lake, in western New York, is a fig
ure of speech and proverb, meaning
"a whopper" In size. He is also an
undoubted reality to thousands who
have sought him out with proper bait
and tackle. The lake is better known
for the famous assembly on its banks;
but merely as haunt Of fishermen,
too ii Is known to angling enthusiasts
the country over, on account of this,
one of the largest game fish of any
inland lake in the United States.
During three months in 1912, be-
sides an indefinite number of ordinary
sizes, sixteen muscallonge, each
Weighing more than thirty pounds,
were caught within a mile and half
OF the boat landing of Chautauqua In
stitution.
The muscallonge, who spells him.
self in a half dozen different ways, is
the largest member of the pike family
and probably the fiercest, either on
the end of line or in chase of other
fishes. A writer in the New York
Times declares that If the muscal-
longe were less gigantic, the presence
OF black bass in Chautauqua Lake
Licking Valley courier. [volume] (West Liberty, Ky.) 19??-current, 1913-06-26
500 REWARD, Srco

The readers of this paper will be pleased
to learn that there is at least one dreaded
disease that science has been able TO cure in
all its stages, and that is Catauh. Halls
Catarrh Cure is the only positive cure now
known to the medical fraternity. Catauh
being a constitutional disease requires a con.
treatment. Halls Catarrh Cure
is taken internally, acting directly upon the
blood and mucous surfaces Of the system
thereby destroying the foundation of the
disease, and giving the patient strength by
building up the constitution and assisting
nature ia doing its work. The propfietors
have so much faith il its curative powers
that they offer One Hundred Dollars for any
case that il fails to cure. SIND for list Of
testimonials.
Address P. J. CHENEY & co, Toledo, o,
Sold by all druggists, 75c.
Take Halls family pills for constipation
Licking Valley courier. [volume] (West Liberty, Ky.) 19??-current, 1913-06-26
INDEX

Crops o! all kinds are looking fine in
this section.
The potato bugs are about all dead and
we think most OF the candidates will b. BY
Aug, 3.
Amos Holiday made business trip to
Jfckson last week.
TT. Pence Of Lane has been in this vi in.
ity on business the past week.
Willie Elan has been employed 10 teach
the Maxey school this year and Cortis Stacy
will teach Sycamore Grove school.
Mrs. ]. L. Ferguson who has been SCH
'or several years is convalescing and is abb
to be out again.
Joe Fusett, Ashland Elan, Hendri,
Henry, and Ira Wa lsh who have been il
Ohio have all returned to "My Old Ken
lucky Home"
Mrs. L. A Lykins has is confined to hfi
room with throat trouble.
H. B. Elan who has been in Miamaburg
Ohio, has returned. We guess all the boy
will be no ne between now and August Ist
Our efficient Road Engineer, Evert Mathi
has been here this week with a crew o
hands completing the approaches to tn
bridge at this place. Mr.. Maths know
how to build roads. If the board woult
keep him out with crew OF hands all tn
time we would soon have some roads. vi
would Suggest that they employ him t.
build road from this place to West Lib
erty for sample.
Licking Valley courier. [volume] (West Liberty, Ky.) 19??-current, 1913-06-26
SD 2gBl;sA7Sja
s2%s ~ -, "
DINGUS

Lewis Williams, of Red Bush, was here
last week with some coal men, and after a
brief stay agreed to come again in short
time and recipatulate their utterances
Their aim is to lease coal and oil and buy
land and timber.
Mr.. and Mrs. Archie Fraley, of Roscoe
are the guests of We scribe. Mrs. Fralev
is sick and unable to return home.
France Fanin, of Crockett, was bust
ness visitor here, Sunday.
Rev. w Fl. Linden, of Insko, was chat
ting with the voters here last week. in III,
interest of his candidacy for Assessor.
W. R. Cox, and vile, Of Jeptha. Sunday {
with their son. w. M. Cox.
NJ. c. Bradley and wife visited at Nina
Saturday night, the guests Of P. A. Patricl
and wife.
Rev. A. l.. Gillum and B. T. Dlevins at
tended church at New Salem, Saturday an,
Sunday, andsJ. X. Patrick at War Creek.
Mart lson, Of Moon, transacted bushes
here, Sunday.
Several OF lour citizens attended cour
Monday.
Everybody is up with their work and a
growing crops look prosperous.