The Washington times., 1913-04-13
eA|y!R|'!C!H!.. HI! |'!! u Dlt9DGNG O. G. Of :
PRESIDENT SCORED
eridiron Jester Says "It's
Cheaper to Move Than Pay
Your Pew Rental"

Whenever President Wilson goes to
church he probably viii be reminded Of
his first Gridiron dinner. And. un-
doubtedly this will be the case If the
President adheres to his practice of
dodging the curious by choosing a diff
ferent church each Sunday. For the
Gridiron satirists. who overlook no
chance. last evening had question and
answer in the program which ran as
follows:
Q.-Why does the President go to a
different church each Sunday?
A.-Because II is cheaper to move than
to pay pew rent
Although the tariff question was
chiefly in evidence in the songs. the
stunts and the speeches at the din
nef. which was ATTENDED by. all MEM
bsrs Of the Cabinet. save Secretary Nc
Adoo. there were other religious ref
srences than the -auip about the Presi-
dents churchgoing.
Quote Biblical Verses.
When Robert F. Patchin: of the New
York Herald, and Thomas F. Logan, of
the Philadelphia Inquirer, were being
initiated they were tested as to their
general information. Both proved al
most surprisingly well versed in the
Where was the question. ARE the
Prcgressives mentioned in the Scrip
tures?" 49, -s--.- L.
I'm the book of Hosea" was the
answer. They are all hot as an oven.
and have devoured their judges; they
have sown the wind and shall reap the
where is the Democratic party men,
fioned7'
All Parties Raped.
In the book of Psalms. The wild
asses did stand in high places: they
eyes did fall because, there was no
grass.
las to the Republican party?''
In the revised version prepared by
Or. Roosevelt, the psalmist says: The
wrath of the people came upon them
Secretary of State Bryan, Attorney
General McReynoids, Secretary of war
Garrison, and other Cabinet Members
came in for some little attentions during
the evening.
An alleged interviewer reported that
he had asked Bryan about the Pres
1dents chance of succeeding.
He wanted to know whether I
meant succeed now or succeed himself
four years hence"
SOou Dtu express any OpiTlOn
as to the Presidents chances Of re-
nomination.
He said the chances were about six
teen to one against it"
The Secretary of War was reported to
have denied something. Just what did
not matter, because the War Depart
ment always denies everything" Az
torney General McReynolds was de-
eiared to believe in cutthroat opposi-
ton between the two wings of the
Republican parry"
Banter Over Tariff.
The references to the tariff were va
ried. The Democratic party was rep
resented as a lighthouse with Bryan as
keeper and Miss Tariff as his daughter
The good ship t. Jefferson Platform
out OF Baltimore, under Skipper Wood
row Wilson, was represented as needing
the light to get into port, and Penrose
Smoot, a deep-dyed piratical villain
tried to kidnap little Miss Tariff. WOO
ing her softly and saying: BE my own
little schedule x
The Ding-dong- bell song, from The
''Chimes Of Normandy" was deliberately
parodied for purposese of tariff ref
ersnce. s'
Many Senators, Congressman. and
diplomats, besides other dignitaries.
were at the banquet board in the ball
room of the New Willard. President
Wilson, Secretary Bryan and others
made addresses, which, according TO
custom, are not reported.