New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-08-20
AS ] WAS SAYING

We are a great people but not very bright. Jack
Johnson escaped The jewels stu missing.
Nobody knows where search for the real Governor
Of New York. And didn't an item in the
paper about Thaw?
II a daring robbery. the details Of which have
been too long suppressed.
In broad daylight. some miscreant entered the IA
nous museum at Matteawan. Coolly he detached
that beautiful historic from the wall. Tuck
ing the masterpiece under his arm, he fearessly
marched Off with II past seventeen snoring guards.
oh. the loss to art, The blow 10 a nations PRIDE
Optimists assure us that Thaw. who has been capt
ured will be restored TO us. But have waited
quite spell for the Mona Lisa and shall wait
indefinitely for the original Thaw. Brethren, be-
ware Of limitations!
II is n dlsgraccful business this affair At Mattea-
wan. yet has its cheerful side. What a lesson AL
ready we notice that measures have been taken TO
prevent further depletion Of our national heritage.
The country is aroused Conservation, Aren't they
guarding Evelyn?
We are a pous person, and believe in prayer
though not for rain All very nice II the rain comes
tumblng. II not there is gee among the ungody.
So we were pretty blue when Kansas considered
praying for rain in public Not intoerant, however.
for rain is serious in Kansas. where 1t affects poll
dogma Rain makes corn. makes whiskey,
whiskey makes Democrats" We have sounder a
sons and got them in Iowa.
Observing how placid. how bovine. how hopeessly
safe and sane the lowans were. we said to them
What IL the matter with Kansas? neghbor Of
yours. she ought TO be like you, yet see how the
Kansans rage and the Populists imagine vain
thing"
Due to weather" said the Iowans. "Ferocous
hot winds go roaring across Kansas. They scorch
the crops They blister the Kansans. They spread
broadcast a conviction that something must have
gone wrong with the government at Washington.
Here in Iowa. torpid race Weather
again. Nature has defended us against the hot
winds. We have nothing but cyclones
The more we think of it. the more admire the
English for their courtesies to the Pilgrim Fathers
last week. Nothing nobler, considering For it was
a grim day for England when the Pilgrims left.
Read Gibbon: THE cliffs were black with people as
those gay Hghtsome fellows set sail Strong men
looked into one another's faces pale. trembling.
England is done for, they groaned. After this we
shall be known a humorless nation. for what is
there left to laugh in England now.
'Will any one correspond with an Irish gir?'
SO runs the advertisement ana we are ielt won
derng Why 80 plaintive? We should say II would
be fun, corresponding with Irish girl-in fact.
when an Irish girl has to be nirted with we recon-
mend the correspondence method most heartily
Honor bright. we do!
Not that distance lends enchantment to the view.
on the contrary, II is grief But 1t promotes
peace For there is something so inhammable so
explosive about Anglo Saxons that the Irish
cannot long endure us at close quarters without
row and you know how illogical the Irish are. Right
a the very height Of a they will sometimes lose
their tempers
So sorry the old controversy has broken out afresh
as TO who composed the melody Of America! The
English say John Bull did, the French say he stole
II from them Oh, dismal! But would like TO
see any foreigner claim Casey at the Bat"
r. l.. Ii.