The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1913-06-06
A Punster
Punished
By F. A. Mitchell


tunes. 1t is misfortune to be dump
ed into an ocean from a steamer leav-
ing you at the rate Of twenty knots an
hour, but you are very soon either
saved or your troubles are ended.
suffer under a misfortune that began
with my birth, was added to at my
baptism and has been endured ever
since My fathers name was John
Darling. If he had named me John
for himself one-half my Hfe's suffer
ings would have been avoided, but my
mothers family name was Rosedale.
and | was given that surname. pre-
sumo | should remember my parents
with reverence and affection. AS for
the latter, so | do, but how can one
revere a pair of intellects which even
combined were too stupid not to fore
Rose Darling?
The trouble began when | first went
to school, the boys suggesting that
be classed with the girls. When grew
older and Joined musical club l was
asked if | sang soprano or contralto.
indeed. every play upon my name that
could be invented.
Foreseeing that a manly part in life
was needed to help me to throw of
this suggestion of effeminacy, deter
mined to become soldier. / applied
to the congressman Of my district. He
told me that he had given out his
appointments. but | saw from the
amused expression on his face that he
would not think of recommending
boy with such a name. | walked away
to the nearest recruiting station and
enlisted
l knew what had to expect from
my comrades. and | was not disap-
pointed. was soon given the soubri-
quet of Sweetheart and. except off,
cially. was never called anything else.
l bore 1t stoically. When addressed as
Sweetheart" or "Rosie Dear" did not
complain. taking it as matter of
course-that is. pretending to do so,
though every time l was thus address
ed 1t was like stab.
I resolved to be the best soldier in
my company. and l was. Notwith-
standing my incubus was promoted
to be corporal. then sergeant and final
ly orderly sergeant. When | reached
the highest noncommissioned office in
my company | secured an advantage
1t enabled me when on duty to compel
the men to address me by my right
name. l permitted them to call me
what they liked unofficially. but the
moment one of them did so upon any
official occasion | brought him up with
round turn. This gradually killed
the habit.
My service in the ranks was during
the last Indian troubles. and in a fight
that occurred in attempting to drive
tribe of redskins back on to their res
ervation l, preferring to die rather than
not gain something by which to bal
ance the disadvantage of the name un-
der which lived, fought regardless of
danger. The result was that when
we got back to the fort the colonel
commanding sent for me. compliment
ed me and told me that he had recon-
mended me for commission. He
knew me as Sergeant Darling. Darling
by itself is not very bad name, and
hoped that when | came to associate
with the commissioned officers should
gain a respite. would be Mr.. OAR
ling, and when l came to the next
grade above would be Captain OAR
ling Then l would get rid Of the Rosie
Dear" and all that
But was doomed to disappointment.
found that the higher rose the more
ambitious were my associates. Ambi-
ton takes many forms. The ambition
Of the stupidest persons seems to be to
crack a joke. And the stupider the
person the more reliant he is upon an
opportunity. When few weeks later
the colonel sent for me to hand me
my commission found him looking at
the parchment with a smile lowering
about his lips With a twinkle in his
eye he said half musingly.
"Rosedale Darling. Rose Darling.
Ha ha! Mr. Rose Darling. am pleased
to greet you among the commissioned
officers of the army. dare say you
will be very dear to the ladies of the
garrison"
"Thank you. colonel" | said, forcing
a smile That's a very good pun of
yours. How did you happen to think
Of itT'
"Oh, it's in the name-ROse Darling,
Darling Rose. Rose Dear. seer"
Upon my word" replied. my face
lighting up with assumed surprise and
admiration "Fxcellenti I wonder no