The Birmingham age-herald., 1913-03-23
BY WELLINGTON VANDIVER

Wen. them said Henry. with clenched
fist and his jaw sticking out, all I've got
to say Is that If hugging my gaH makes
my heart pallSertate, then by ganny, just
let her palp.
"Abcut six months after that Susie
cured his heart disease by marrying
him
You are right, professor. about mod
ern manners not being as perfect is be-
fore the war;" remarked the sewing
machine agent Il am about over the
country a good deal, offering the people
the most phenomenal automatic shuttle,
ball bearing sewing machine on earth.
and / get a chance to observe manners
a whole lot. especially the table manners
of children, and l want to tell you that
they are something fierce. For instance.
my appetite is comparatively normal. |
do not surround viands with the earth
quake rapidity of a Birmingham man in
Montgomery. before the ravages of which
people stand in silent and ghastly awe.
but / am a moderate A b.. p feeder,
! therefore it gals me to have the kids at
country home peek in the dining room
door and ask their NAV il that feIer is
going to eat all day.
"Children ought not to swipe cake while
my head and their parents are bowed
down during grace al table. $ ii lessons
the supply later, and | am quite fond Of
cake. At one of the recent country din
ing tables the oldest kid when asked whit
part Of the fowl he preferred. replied that
he'd take the part that goes over the
fence last This remark is very humor-
Gus, and I have made speciality of it,
and it sorter belongs to me. for which
reason | indignate when that kid used it
first My great grandfather always said
It, and for generations 1t has been In use
in our family. Children should be taught
10 bestow a dry shampoo on the plate at
table before using it. and to return the
tooth pick carefully to the holder after
using it, thus learning them industry and
economy. When a fly wades into the
Jelly up to his ganbres ] do not mash
him with my spoon and retard the diges-
ton Of those present. but I take him ont
carefully with what naturally adheres
to his person and wipe him on the table
cloth thus showing my self command
and amusing the company Cow peas
should pever be eaten without a hay
fork.
when | hand plate of soup or gravy
I always parboil my thumb in the. con-
tents Of the dish, as this gives ii nat
ural flavor impaired by no other condi-
ment | exert myself not to be stiff and
ultra dignfied at table. While in con-
yersation ] wave the bread around oyer
the table and converse with my mouth
filled with potatoes with the hireG man
out in the back yard. thus showing tha {
] am unconventional and not at all strck
up Wit is a fine thing to use at table
and / am full of 1t, one of the best get
offs of my life occurred at the table of
Farmer Bill Whaclsilns when the farmer
asked me If | thought guano should be
used on potatoes. and | replied that some
people might like 'ein that way. hut
preferred gravy on mine. ! never fail
to say thank yo. much Obliged, par
don me- and such very frequently. when
ever / can work In tsirse remarks, as il
throws people OFF their guard and enables
me TO annex more pie cake. and desselt
in an ungnarded moment. You fellows
can Just bet that whenever I travel
through the country I leave a trail OF
good manners behind me that Will be
initiated. and assimilated by generations
yet unborn.
"Just after the war said the sheriff.
there was fellow lived down IN the
fat woods. name O. Watkins Peterson.
that didn't have no manners scarcely at