New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-06-10
AS | WAS SAYING

We shudder to think what will happen To MT
Philip Hale if he does not learn to deposit his val
uables the desk before retiring. Watch us! see
how nmbly we climb his steep column in The
Boston Herald" and at it's very top relieve him
Of the following priceless treasure while he snores'
All We are off. Look out Of this window, dear
boy and you will two elderly gentlemen miss
ing the train They doing it rather nicely. l
think they must have been practising in private
There is an art even in missing train. Reggie
But Of them is not quite perfect in II yet lie
has begun to swear little too soon!
why is it," writes J. X. r., that we always use
the feminine pronoun in speaking of snip: She
the Imperator-she. the President Grant-she, the
Kaiser William the Grosser?'
Great puzzle confess. Never mind the names;
we are hardened she George Eliot and she
Charles Egbert Craddock"; what plaques us is to
glance at the generic ship, ship at all and then
at the modern woman
May il please the court, ship is by nature so
feminine that We beg leave 10 employ the pronoun
he"
Do not mention Montana. either by word OF mouth
or by stroke Of pen, Just because Brother Collier
called Montana the booziest Of American common
wcaiths (Which Montana makes no effort to denyI
there IS frenzy run mad all the way from Rimni
pronounced Rmin-eye TO Ethiopia formerly Hell
topaz and. quoting from memory Brother & Is
mouthed flea bitten tinhorn"
our heart goes out To him We. too. nave stlIred
up Montana in our day. and unintentionally-
simply by repeating the Montana definition OF a
millionaire n man who owes million dollars.
and 10y predicting that the time would come when
society out Wonder would be a less Interesting
study i'm criminoogy." For this The Butte Inter
Mountain" begged us to return. promising that We
should never live 10 regret the trip And. for
No y n
other State closed,
You see one might almost describe Montana as
sensitive and when IL comes TO the drink question
we hardly wonder Come on lets 90 and get
drunk. All right hate the stun but what
else is there 10 do?"
There have been spasms Of heat. and. by what
we hear they are likely TO recur. though at cost
Of letting YOU into our confidence somewhat alb
ruptIy. considering how brief our Acquaintance has
been We are minded 10 disclose secret Of
happy and healthfu metropolitan summer.
Just before starting for your Office enjoy shower
bath with all your clothes This we have found
preferable on the whole TO postponng the treat
ment as wallowing in horse troughs-at least. so
far as our experience goes-Is practically sure to
call forth criticisms.
4 rare genius is Nj william Bayard Hae-inya-
riably brilliant invariably just only see how he
sums up Mr.. Bryan in The Words WORK \
simple man. all is simple TO him. And does IL need
Ia be said now tremendous power over the people
is this faculty Of simple vision? No Amiel ever
led people. Too much thought paralyzes in the
world of action only he who sees simply will
smite. The simple man is the confident man"
oh. lovely. When II comes our turn for skin
ming we can think OF more amiable taXidermist
to apply to than Mr. William Bayard Hale.
Everything has been done to suppress the great
Mount Vernon scandal but duty is pride,
and we have turned a deaf TO bribery resolv
ing as ever TO spare The facts follow:
Little by little Mrs. Q. William Ten Eyck has
gained control Of .. william. She buys his neck
over his socks. She even follows him to the shoe
store and forces cruel and unusual boots upon Q.
william Nor does her tyranny halt there Daily
she dictates what O. William shall clothe himself
withaI.
Now IL happened that yesterday q. William had
a thunderousy important appointment in town
board Of directors deal INVOLVING mions-you
know how those things are-and Mrs. @. William
prescribed boots Of a most awful tghtness.
Q. William trembled knowing perfectly well that
if he obeycd his mind would be his feet and not
on the deal He could see ruin staring him in the
face He was on the verge of open rebellion. when.
10 his horror ne found that all his other boots had
been hidden
SO this is why Mr.. @ William Ten Eycl Of New
York and Mount Vernon, seen walking down
Broadway in red slippers. r. l.. H..