Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-01-09
Stories About People.

81 don't know whether the fellow
was having fun with me or whether
he was simply the stupidest man
ever met" explains the man who tray.
els for paint. "He was standing at
the corner Of Superior and East 18th
streets when funeral procession
came along Monday afternoon. I
stopped to wait till it got by and
noticed that there was band and a
bunch of mourners in uniform. So
thought it must be somebody of I'M
portance and ventured to question
fellow who was standing near me.
Whose funeral Is it," asked.
1T looks like the X. of P.'s, but
maybe it's Maccabees' he answered.
I don't rightly know
eyes, yes l insisted, but who's
dead?'
.-.a.a think it's the gentleman in the,
hearse,' says he.
HE was 80 solemn and anxious
about 1t that, as I said before. / don't
know whether he was kidding me or
not. cleveland Plain Dealer.
ooh, thank you," exclaimed an elder
ly woman to laborer who surrender
you very much!"
That's orl right, num- was the re.
joinder.
AS the woman sat down the chival.
rous laborer added:
"Wot ses is, a man never 0rt to
let woman stand. Some men never
gets up unless she's pretty, but you
see, mum, 1t don't make no difference
to me" Pittsburgh Chronicle-Tele-
graph. i
II wouldn't drink out of that cup
said little Willie to the well dressed
young visitor, that's Lizzie's cup, and
she's very particular who drinks out;
of it."
All" said the young man, as he
drained the cup dry. II feel honored
to drink out of Lizzies cup. Lizzie Is
your sister, isn't she?"
Not much! Lizzie is my dog
Tit-Bits.
"The bill met with an ominous re-
ception," said former Mayor Baehr OF
Cleveland, discussing measure that
had failed. Its reception was, in
fact, as ominous as that accorded to
the Christmas melodrama in the two
night stand.
"A melodrama Murdered at Christ
mastide,' was to be given for two
nights in a small town. The first
night there was fair audience, but
when in act three the senior villain
said to the junior, Hist! are we
alone?' voice from the gallery
growled:
mo, Hamfat, not tonight; but you
can bet you'll be tomorrow night. 80 %
Milwaukee Wisconsin.
The Question Of Taxes.
Burlington Hawk-Eye: There Is an
everlasting lamentation the world
over on the theme of high taxes.
There has been more trouble Oter
taxes than over almost anything else
in the world. And there is an eter-
nal protest against high taxation
right here at home in Iowa and in
Burlington. All of which is largely
a habit. For the town where taxes
are very low, and there are such In
this section of the country. would
not attract stranger in decade.
The town where the taxes are very
low does very little business as u
rule, makes no growth and makes no
improvements. And the man who is
looking for city in which to work
and to live will be sure to pass by the
place where taxes are low.
When is Girl Engaged?
Topeka Capital: We do not accept
the theory of the Chicago Trib., that
no girl Is engaged until she has an
swered Eyes" to the three most WON
derful words in the English language.
to-wit: ~ love you"
1t is our observation that, to all in
tents and purposes a girl is engaged
as soon as she picks out the man she,
wants. $
The man does not find it out so
soon Generally speaking, he learns
| that he is engaged only when it is
ANNOUNCED in the society columns ot
1.-The newspapers.