El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1913-09-20
Little BObbie and His Pa
They Go TO a County Fair; Ma Goes
Also, and the Usual Mixup
Is the Result.
BY William <. Kirk

IA took Ma & me to a county fair
day befOar yesterday. Pa pritty
Il neerly got arrested, but he was
lucky & got away.
Pa was telling US how he used to
| be a CRATE favorit with the farmers
wen he was yung & went to the
county fairs back hOam- 1 was always
in graf edemand to be a judge, Pa sed,
& wen 1 wasent judge of the races,
l was judging babies & punkins &
horses & cows. l often look back and
wonder, Pa sed, how them simpel farm
erS got along at thare county fairs
without me.
Ma looked at me & winked. Ne &
Ma is so used to heering Pa talk that
way that nothing which he says any
moar maiks US talk any nOtis. But
We was very glad he asked US to go
10 tie fair, so we all went.
Rite after We got in the ground,
Pa found an old friend of his that
owns a big farm Cum on over to this
booth, he sed to Pa & bring yur fam
witch have thare.
Ma & me tasted it, but il was awful
sour, it tasted like vinegar, so we
dident taste any moar, but Pa & his
friend KEEP drinking it. This is pretty
hard stuff, isent il, sed Pas friend It
might be for you Sed Pa, but il isent
have drunk so much Of everything that
a little harmless apple juice isent go
ing to send me TO the clover.
You better be careful, deer, sed Ma
at hoam in Colfax that was worse than
alkOhol. He got two deekuns & the
minister full one mite at a church
sOshubal, Ma sed.
1 amt any deekun or minister, Pa
sed- I am hero. Give US another, Pa
sed.
They stayed.
Ma < me went around & looked at
q han
ride on the merry go round & saw a
horse race & Wen we cum back thare
was Pa & his friend, rite at the saim
booth & eech of them with dipper of
the hard cider.
This is a glorus day. Pa was saying,
& this hard cider is gIOrus. Look at
that queen that jest went past, she
smiled at me, Sed Pa Did She2 sed Ma,
you dident know BObbie. & 1 was here,
did you? Did she smile DIT you2
She must have been lafffng at me.
Sed Pa / suppose 1 do look kind OF
warm & mussed up.
Well, sed Ma, wenever you think you
have had enuff of yure friends appel
juice, We better go oaver to the grand
stand & see the next race. There is
going TO be three crate trotters in
All rite. all of US will go. sed Pa.
am crate judge of horse flesh, Pa sed-
Lead me TO yure crate trotters- I will
tell you wether thay are crate or not
if you lead me to them
If you doant put away that dipper
you will have to be led, sed Ma Cum
on, deer Thare are other things in
this world than appel cider.
So we all went Oaver to the grand
stand & pa showed the farmer at the
gate his card. I dOant want to buy any
cards, sed the farmer. I newer carry
them.
am not selling cards, sed Pa You
do not understand me. This is my
naim. I used to be considered one of
the gratest race judges in the country.
I want to judge this race
Git out of here or I VIII run you in,
sed the farmer. I am a deputy sheriff
Ny naim is Harry Misner & 1 will pinch
you, by heck
You wont pinch me, sed Pa One mOar
word from you & 1 will muss up yure
kisser, sed Pa
Lissen here, my deer cider feend,
sed Ma to Pa You & I & Httel BObbie
viii maik our way by eesy stages
Oaver to the auto wich we cain here
in. We Will go right hOam- Thare
will be no war today.
On the way hOam Ma kept telling
me never to drink hard cider wen I
grew up. Ma tOald me anybody that
drank hard cider had soft he'd.