The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1913-10-15
EHE WAS NOI
IsHA NITiaLIL

NY nelghhor Cooley Suffered q
good deal last winter from rhenma.
'tlsm In his breast. and his wife was
badly frightened AbSpt It for fear Il
should end in consumption. Cooley
could not be inducetto try any rem
edy for the tropbleEand Mrs. Cooley
was nearly worried 10 death about'it.
At last she determined to try strate.
gy. She made dry mustard plas-
ter and one night while he was asleep
she sewed It upon the inside OF his
undeTshirt, SO that 1t would just cov-
err TIE rheumatic place.
Cooley dressed himself In the
morning, wholly unspsplcious OF the
presence Of the plaster, and went
downstairs. At the breakfast table.
while he was talking to his wife, he
suddenly stopped, looked cross-eyed.
and spasm OF pain passed over his
face. Then he took up the thread
OF the conversation again and went
on. He was In the midst Of an ex-
PLANTATION of the political situation,
when all at once he ceased again.
grew red in the face and exclaimed:
Il wonder what in the = No. It
can't be anything wrong"
Mrs. Cooley asked what was the
matter. and Cooley said:
20, it's that internal old rheuma-
tlsm again; come back awful. But l
never felt 1t exactly the same way be-
fore. Kinder stings me-"
Mrs. Cooley said she was sorry.
Then MIR. Cooley began again, and
was just showing her how the raw
ages OF the grasshoppcrs in the west,
and the potato-bug In the east, would
affect the election by making the peo-
pie disconnected, aud so likely 10
strike at the party in power, when
he suddenly dropped the subject, and
jumping up, said:
"Thunder and lightning! what's
that? Ouch! o. Moses! feels II
I had shoveful OF hot Goals inside
my undershirt."
Must be that rheumatism, getting
worse" said Mrs. Cooley sympatheti-
cally.
20, gracious, no! It's something
worse than rheumatism. Feels like
burning into my skin, ouch! ow-
wow-wow! It's awful! ! can't stand
it another minute. believe It's
cholera. or something, and I'm going
to die!"
do try to be calm, Mr. Cooley"
calm! How can man be calm
with u volcano boiling over under
his shirt. Go way from here. Get
out of the way. quick, while ! go up
stairs and undress. Murder-r-r-r-.
but it hurts! Let me get out, quick"
Then he rushed up TO the bedroom
and stripped of his clothes. His
chest was the color OF a boiled lob
ster: but he couldn't for the life OF
him tell what was the matter. Then
his eye rested upon something white
on his shirt. He picked up the gar
ment and examined It. Ten minutes
later he came slowly downstairs with
a dry mustard plaster in his hand,
while thunder clothed his brow.
Going up to Mrs. Cooley, he shook
the plaster under her nose, and said
In a suppressed voice:
did you put that thing In my
clothes?"
II did It for the best, John" she
said, 81 thought"
"Oh. never mind what you
thought. You've taken the bark
clean off Of my bosom, so I'm as raw
as a sirloin steak, and I'll probably
never be well again as long as l live.
That let's you out. You play no more
tricks like that on me. Now, mind
me-"
Then he slammed the door and
went out. Mrs. Cooley doesn't know
to this day exactly what effect the
grasshoppers are going to have on
the election.-N. w. Weekly.