New-York tribune., 1913-05-27
AS | WAS SAYING

indigestion is the failure adjust square meal
10 round stomach" and if something is missing
from THE Editors Drawer" where we discovered
this treasure and planted flag AT once and coll
onized it, shall be firm. though not cruel. We
shall offer compensation elsewhere" Listen Mr.
Editor, Have you never wondered why the farm
yard, gate emits those exceedingly dsagreeable
sounds from underneath? Round pig in "A square
hole.
over yonder At the University of Durham they
have invented a new degree b. c.. Bachelor Of Com
merce Another example Of how Mere EngIishman
scares away women from the temples of learning
However il is perhaps az well in this case. Though
fully covered by insurance the buildings at Dur
ham are very ancient and it would be slow Wofh
erecting others as historical
Which reminds rs The Lady Of the Period ~
violent. phrenetc, Amazonian, turkeyophlous not
10 say corybantic and bacchanalian, with leanlngs
toward the Trilbyistic and geewhizzhed ana lnls
wretched land of is simply overrun with her'
The only nice. quiet ladylike word for wnom -
Wow" But do We meet that sort OF lady, DO We
meet ANYBODY who has ever met that sort OF lady
An no, And don't you call a mossback either'
or we shall hit you in such spot as you thougn
not.
We have just broken ground FOR our June joke
and work will be rushed day and night. 1t Is d
dainty conceit. this joke. and so original N"'-
urauy. We are compelled TO build in a few brides
orange blossoms and wedding bells; the blueprins
demand them but our main idea is something posi-
lively novel and startling.
Chorus of cheers from our busy competitors
We've got H. Eugenca marriage"
Thanks! At last we feel that we are one OF U.s.
Mr. George Grave has been remorkng that the
comedian is TO be pited" and We guess II must be
so 4 little nonsense now and then, out not per
ennially and boy the shoyelful. said that wise ana
witty theologian. Dr. T. T. Munger. III you pay
man TO dance all day he will pay YOU to let hlm
keep books at night"
'Tis now the grave old Senior'-poor doddeTng'
knoribund ruin that he is-looks forward TO Com
mencement and the end Of the world. However ne
means 10 sell his NE dearly 80 IA "iIH"s q" VI"
lion.
This is Of course very sly and vindlctive on the
Seniors part though We doubt If he dares repeat
scene at which ancienty had the honor 10 ne
present Prepare to shudder'
IN his solemn oxford gown and with his oxford
mortarboard in his hand Mr.. Ernest LindeH Gran
dali swept across the Commencement stage. smi-
ing blandly Before him a brilliant audience. BE
hind him the robed president and professors ana 'le
venerable trustees moment Of breathless eN-
pectation Then said Mr. Ernest Lindeh Crandall'
Good morning Have you used Pears Soap
Gracious Petcfkius, Nndl Il SiloNhs 'N''''' 49,
ubole institution didn't sink straight through TO
China,
still smiling Mr. Crandal paused Seconds
nassed Minutes they seemed. After when the
young gentleman plunged into fiery discourse.
This Is the advertisement that stares ms IN the
face every way we look, DO you read the adNer-
tisements in the daily papers? You ought to- Ana
e. was into the lap of Crandal '9l that the Prize
for Best Appearance on the Commencement stage
descended I'm a blaze Of glory
The Gibson Man on the cover of 'Ihe LADIES
World" tells all about It inside. Thlrty-hNe' ana
etm p bachelor. This is because he has counted
Tho risks" Elizabeth was too placid Margaret TOO
oxacting Helen believed in team work. Alice
and Margaret were extravagant And so the pale
rae Gibson Man adheres to his cocoa -colored back
Ground and cannot be dragged to the altar
All we'll. We have gazed long at the Gibson
Man on the cover and more than ever con-
inced that the -siserto-you benedicton Is not
one that bears repeating. After the ninth or tenth
performance il gets 10 sound almost hostile
Nevertheless we do not think the Gibson Man
should abandon hope just yet our advice TO nm
is. Adopt more nutrtve diet, brush your halr
drop that grim. heavy-villanous frown' and-yes'
wash your face. ~ L. H.