davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Congressman Fields Tells Good One on Himse

0TU HEN | was making my cam
w paigp last fall" said Represent
atiye Fields Of Kentucky, 81 started
out to cover a country in which | was
but little acquainted. Believing, like
Polonius. that a fine front was a valu'
able asset, ! arrayed myself in my
best When l got off the train at the
county seat, whence l was to make
my start, / met the candidate for
Judge on my ticket, and making known
to him my views, found he agreed
with me.
Accordingly, after putting up in
the best quarters at the best hotel in
the town, we next morning engaged
the handsomest rig the best livery
stable could boast, and, with naughty
driver on the box. sailed forth to
conquer.
Might overlook us some miles from
the village at which we had expected
to put UP, but soon after it fell we
spied thpugh the gloom an imposing
looking mansion with many lights
agleam.
Ringing the bell. we announced
ourselves; whePeupon a hespitable
gentleman came out and ushered us
into a parlor whose modest furnish
ings seemed out of keeping with the
dignity and size Of the mansion.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

is only right that they should be re.
membered in their old age. We fire.
quently see aged people who are com.
PEELED to stay upstairs day after day
because they dread the trip up and
down.
The appearance of this house de-
pends a good deal on the colors and
stains used for outside decoration. On
general principles, it is a good plan to
avoid all shades of green. Green
paint is almost certain to fade; and
during the process, it is likely to take
on some very sickly shades of color
that are extremely disappointing.
Nothing looks better than a light
shade of green when 1t is first put
on; but nothing looks worse after It
has been exposed to the sun and
storms for five or six months. If a
man ever wants to kick himself for
doing something absurd in the deco
ration line. 1t is for painting a house
green. Drabs and browns are al
ways agreeable; and generally such
paints are lasting. Colors. however,
depend SO much on the quality of the
materials used that great care is nee
essary in making the purchase If you
buy the paint yourself, or in making
a contract If you have a painter do
the Job.
A movement is on foot to bring
about government inspection of paints,
something after the present manner
OF food inspection. 1t seems ridiculous
that dishonest paint manufacturers
are permitted to grind up any sort Of
old junk and sell the pasty product
for pure white lead. No wonder hon.
est manufacturers have become dis
gusted with such work. and 1t is
hoped their efforts to secure protec-
ton for honest goods will be success
full.
1t makes a great difference whether
the painter himself thoroughly under.
stands the business. A man who
knows paint is not likely to be badly
deceived. If he gets pay sufficient,
he would much prefer to use good
materials. There are two classes Of
painters to avoid-one don't know,
Ind the other don't care.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
KING OF BRITISH TESTERS
George Bernard Shaw Has Succeeded
In Ambition to Be Mueh-TaIk-
ed-of-Man.

81 love order in all things" said
George Bernard Shaw, at a public
meeting some time ago. For this rea-
son | am not content with ordering
my life; l also order my personality.
/ have cocoa-colored hair, so | wear
cocoa-colored clothes and drink
cocoa" Shaw today has reached the
position of becoming a public institu.
ton. For more than twenty years he
has succeeded in fulfilling his boast
that every day some leading paper
would have something to say about
him. George Bernard Shaw is the jes-
ter at the court of King Demos. When
years ago he was appointed dramatic
critic to a well-known journal he re.
fused to obey the iron-clad regulation
that occupants of the stalls must
wear evening dress. The first night
he was stopped at the door of a the
ater by an attendant. What do you
object tor" inquired Shaw. my cocoa
colored jacket?" The attendant as.
scented. Very well, then," said the
critic. 81 will remove it," And the
next moment he was striding up the
aisle in his shirt sleeves. That won't
do, sir!" shouted the attendant. run.
ming after him. Wont do?" exclaim.
ed Shaw, with a fine assumption OF
Indignation. do you think I'm going
to take off any more?" The non.
plussed attendant handed him his
jacket, and Shaw took his seat in the
stalls mphantly.-London Life.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
When Boy "Put One Over" on the Congressman

/ came over and also leaned on the
fence on the other side.
Glass introduced himself, and got
directions as to how to find the boys
father Nevertheless, he stopped to
chat a while, but the boy was silent
and then some, Finally Glass turned
to the crops.
Corn rows are pretty far apart,
aren't they?" he asked.
Yep. Planted 'em that way" re.
sponded the boy, briefly.
Looks pretty small to me for this
time of year." said Glass.
Planted small corn" said the boy,
and spat contentedly.
Maybe you were a little late in
planting?" suggested Glass.
Nope" said the boy succinctly
I'VE aim to have late corn"
Glass was now rather peeved. He
looked at the boy sharply. The lat.
ter was "chawin'" tobacco, and gaz.
ing calmly out into space.
"H'mmm," said Glass, clearing his
throat. There isn't much between
you and fool, is there?"
The boy looked up quickly. and
then spat ruminatively.
Nope" he remarked. "Just the
fence"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

not room in the house that is small
enough or awkward enough to be
ashamed of. A house of this size gives
an opportunity to have a bedroom
downstairs-a convenience that every
house does not possess. There Is gen.
orally, in most families, at least one
old person who objects to climbing
stairs 1t would be difficult to arrange
a more comfortable bedroom than
this one; in fact, few large houses
have room of this kind AS a usual
thing when building, too little atten-
tion is paid to the comfort of the old
people. They have spent their lives
in the interests of the family, and 1t
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

when, later, we went to a belated
supper, we were astonished 70 find a
spacious dining room furnished as
barely as the parlor.
IT'S the true yeoman spirit" ex.
planned the candidate for judge, and
we got through most meager meal as
best we could.
we were up beumes next morning.
after sleeping in most primitive quar-
ters, that did injustice to the noble
mansion, and after a breakfast on a
par with the supper we got in our rig
and started away Reaching the sum.
NIT Of hill some half a mile away,
we paused to look back at our nights
resting place. just then a horseman
drew up beside us.
What place is that? I queried.
THAR he replied. why, that's the
county poorhousel
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
ouestlon Of HEARING.

The burly farmer strode anxiously
into the post Office
Have you got any letters for Miks
Hover" he asked
The new postmaster looked him up
and down.
For who?" he snapped.
Mike Hover" replied the farmer.
The postmaster turned aside.
You don't understand! roared the
applicant. Cant you understand
plain English? / asked if you've
got any letter for Mike Howe!"
We'll, / haven't" snorted the post
master. Neither have letter fos
anybody else's cowi Get out"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. w. Gidley.
w assistant curator of the National
museum, has completed his work OF
exploring the cave at Corrigansvllle,
Md. for the bones of prehistoric ami
mails. The cave was opened when the
big limestone cut was made for rail-
way extension from Cumberland to
Connellsville.
Thirty-two distinct forms of prehls-
toric animals were found, and when
the bones are cleaned up and looked
into closer the number may run up
to more than 40. There are in all
about II skulls. and ten forms are
represented by good skulls.
In the find one OF the most impor-
tant yet made is the following: The
mastuion, which lived in about the
midpleistocene period, estimated at
10000 years or more ago. An extinct
species of the horse, similar in some
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

street. Instead Of being damage to
other property, It was a valuable &C
QUESTION. A great deal depends on
the way things are done, 1t is easy
to put up big barn or house that
no one likes, and 1t is Just as easy to
build a cottage house like this for a
small outlay and make 1t into a very
interesting property proposition.
Rose Cottage" as he called his lit
tie home, was talked about, and soon
became known away beyond it's i'm
mediate neighborhood. because It was
such neat, pretty home. II was built
soon after the hard times in the early
nineties, when building materials
were plentiful and money was scarce
when grass grew between the piles Of
lumber in the yards, and lumber was
rotting in the piles while good me-
chanics we're begging for work at any
kind OF wages. The lot cost $700: and
the house was completed. including
plumbing, furnace, and piping for gas,
tor lsss than $1,000, making the whole
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

GARTER GLASS of Lynchburg, Va,
~ has his seat in the lower house
tied down so hard and fast that the
folks down in his district consider it
almost a sacrilege even to talk about
running against him. There was once
a time, however, when the votes didn't
come so easy, and in those days
Glass made 1t practice to get out in
a buggy and cover his entire district,
shaking every voter by the hand and
kissing all their babies.
On one Of these tours Glass, driving
along lonely stretch of Virginia
road, came to a huge field of scraggly
corn being hoed by boy of perhaps
fifteen years. Glass drew his horse up,
leaped out of the buggy, walked over
and leaned against the fence. After
a moment the boy, stopping hoeing,
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

provide siding for. The roof answers
for both cover and side enclosure.
Some years ago man built house
like this on a good street in thriv-
ing city. All the other houses on the
street were larger, and he was abused
for building small house; but he fin.
ished it up nicely, planted vines and
flowers in front and at the side, and
made the ground very rich to grow
plenty Of grass for a green, thrifty
lawn. In less than a years time, his
little cottage was pointed out as be-
ing the most attractive home on the
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

property cost about s1.O75. which was
$1,000 more than the owner had to
put into 1t. It required good persua-
slve powers to induce a money-lender
to advance such q fabulous sum as
$1,000. and the borrower had to put
up personal security as a side issue To
a money shark to get the deal through
all OF which illustrates the difference
between doing business in good times
and bad times.
II will be noticed that the rooms,
while not large. are big enough to ac-
commodate the necessary furniture.
and big enough for comfort. There is
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

Mrs. Collins found the following
Black Hand letter pinned to her door
one morning:
Deer Mis- Collins-Onless you put q
jar of jam, a hunk of chokolit cake, .
apple pie an a bag Of cany down bv
the old well, we will stel your lit
boy and keep him, onless you pay I
a milyon dollars.-The Black Hand.
The letter has been handed to Il
police and the criminals will soon
brought to justice. To date, Mrs. Cor
Inns little boy has been the only ons
seen in the vicinity Of the old we'll
Judge.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
To Meet Demand for dialect.

Papa, how often have l told you
not to say I seen you"
Now, ye look a-here, Maggie" In
terrupted Uncle Charlie Seaver, lay.
ing down his knife and fork, maybe
you will make your livin' by good
grammar and higher eddecation; but
your ma and me, we're just obliged to
take in summer boarders, and they
demand tn dialect If they pay our
rates. So what l says goes, whether
she's grammatic or notl"-Puck's
Quarterly.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Marine PaInter 20 The sovar.Icr

II the office Of poet laureate is abol-
ished 1t will be the second position in
the royal household that has disap-
peared since King George ascended
the throne. each of them related to the
lne arts. The other post is that Of
marine painter to the sovereign. This
has not figured in the list Of oflcials in
the lord ehamberlain's department
since the death, over a year ago, Of
the Chevalier Eduardo do Martino.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Same Old story.

Adam un the suburbs OF the Gar
den OF Eden) Nov. Eve. you surely
aren't going 20 clamor for clothes
already
Eve (tearfullyl-You know very
well. Adam. | haven't had a decent
thing since the fall!-Judge.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Fountain Zen substItute.

Put two pens in the penholder, one
on the top Of the other. and one pro-
jecting little in advance of the 9th.
or, the longest pen being on the un-
der side. This will serve as a feeder
and will hold enough ink to write a
full page before dipping in the ink
again.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Small Chance

'Waiter'!' called the customer in a
restaurant where an orchestra was
playing.
Yes, sir"
Kindly tell the leader OF the or
chestra to play something sad and low
while l dine 1 want TO see if it will
have softening influence on this
steak"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
RusIant Man.

After thinking 1t over carefully, we
have decided that probably the busiest
man in the world is the man on a
Pullman who is engaged In trying to
keep the porter from putting his hat
box with the baggage Of every lady
who gets off the train.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

NIHhfn ~ ANhuIOTu VIII huHWuN
Iuestions and give advice FREE OF
COST on all rubjects pertaining to the
ubject OF building, for the readers OF this
paper. On account OF his wide experience
" Editor. Author and Manufacturer. he
., without doubt, the highest authority
m all these subjects. Address all inquiries
% William Radford, No. l78 West
Jackson boul, Yard, Chicago. ILL.,. and only
nelose two-cent stamp for reply.
A seven-room cottage house that
may be built for about $4,000 under
favorable circumstances, is illustrated
n the architects perspective and
aoor-plans here given. Downstairs
here are parlor, dining room. and
Kitchen. with one bedroom, besides a
bathroom having one entrance from
the bedroom and another entrance
rom the kitchen, which facilitates
warming the bathroom from the kitch.
en- when there is no fire in the fur
dace. There is a convenient grade
entrance to the cellar, which may be
reached by four steps down from the
kitchen. This arrangement leaves
room In the corner Of the entrance
tor a good-sized refrigerator-a pro-
Vision that is valuable in any house,
and one that is appreciated by every
housekeeper.
The size Of this little cottage is 2S
'eet wide by 38 feet long, exclusive Of
the porch, which is not very large on
the ground and not very high; but
there is room for four rooms down
stairs and three rooms upstairs, with
good, unfinished attic for storage;
and there is plenty of closet room A
woman never gets too many closets.
Architects are often worried because
Of the demand for more closets than
they can find room for. One advan.
lage of arranging bedrooms in roof
like this, is that the low portions Of
the roof may be used to advantage for
this purpose. Some women prefer an
attic over the bedroom, but many
would rather have a storeroom of this
kind because 1t saves climbing two
pairs Of stairs. 1t is impossible to
have every good thing included in one
plan Cottage houses may be lighter
In construction than two-story houses,
and they are more economical where
the roof space is utilized as it is in
this house. The three bedrooms on
the second floor represent Just that !
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
In Accord.

do Bilks and his wife agree?"
"On one subject"
"And what is that?"
'The fact that they never should
have married"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Similarity.

my dog begging for bone is lIks
the argumentative orator"
How so?"
Because he paws for a reply"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Sanitary Inspection

Teacher Of Hygiene-"Why must we
always be careful to keep our homes
clean and neat?" Little Girl--"B Because
company may walk in at any ano,
ment. ."--JudRe.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

its final recital. Investigation by the
commissioner resulted in the with.
drawal of the suspension order.
Mr.. Hester declares he is going to
be careful Of his kissing in the future.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
The rendsr Skin Of Children

is very sensitive 10 heat. Use Tyrees
Antiseptic Powder for all summer skin
affections It quickly affords the little
sufferer relief 25c. at druggists or
sample sent free by J. S, Tyree.
Chemist, Washington, d. C.-AdV.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Mean Intimation.

What is this hard round object
which has just rolled to my feet?"
Il don't know whether it's a god
ball or one Of my wifes biscuits"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
SnInne After Him

Snippe After Him.
Il hear that Briggs is behind with
his tailor"
Wrong. He's three suits ahead
Boston Transcript.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Talkinu About II.

What is she Dragging about nowr-
Il don't know, but I think it's the
trip to Europe she was going to taxa.
but didn't"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Query.

You should register on your par
tvs side"
"On the cash register?"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
And 90 Get Nowhere.

The reason some people never put
their best FOOT forward is because they
reserve II exclusively for kicking pur.
poses.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29
Force Of Habit.

"How is it you can so easily tell a
married man in any assemblage?"
by the way he listens"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

Retort Courteous.
Nell--My face is my fortune.
Belle-Then you need never be
afraid OF fortune hunters.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

Sometimes a mans friends think of
MIN as his enemies speak Of him
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

Many a politician doesn't know
which side of the fence he is on until
he falls off.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1913-08-29

The Kind You Have Always Bought.
~HIs caution applied to the public Coa
80 yea-he genuine Castor Wereecu as the attention
when
his in black When the removed the signature
both sides the bottle
their little in the past need no warning against ounte and
alton the great danger Of introducing into their families spurious medicines
neous business Of putting and selling all sorts of substitutes or what
should counterfe medicinal
chds medicines devoves
scunze closely child. Adults
that for themselves, but the child has to rely
the mothers watchfulness ~ <ZZHN4-A
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-06-13

Major Mcdonald, commanding an army
post near Fort Dodge, seeks man to
intercept his daughter, Molly, who is
headed for the post. An Indian outbreak
Is threatened. Brick" Hamlin, ser
geant who has just arrived with mes
mission. Molly arrives at Fort Ripley
two days ahead Of schedule. She decloes
to push on to Fort Dodge by stage IN
company with "Sutler Bill Moylan. Con-
x2les a gambler, is also passenger:
Hamlin meets the stage with stories or
Expectations committed by the lno 1adi
The driver deserts the stage when 1ndl-
ans appear. The Indians are twice re-
pulsed. Hamlin and Molly escape IN the
darkness. Molly is wounded. Haml1n Is
much excited at finding q haversack
marked c. S. A.. He explains to Molly
and dismissed In disgrace under charges
of cowardice. At the close of the war ne
enlisted in the regular service. He says
the haversack was the property OF one
Capt. LeFevre, who he suspects OF being
responsible for his disgrace. Troops ap-
pear and under escort Of Lieut.. Gaskins
Molly starts to join her father. Hamlln
leaves to rejoin his regiment. He re-
turns to Fort Dodge after summer OF
fighting Indians, and finds Molly there.
Shots are heard in the night Haml1n
ruShes out, sees what he believes is the
figure of Molly hiding in the darkness
and falls over the body of Lieutenant
Gaskins, who accuses Hamlin of shoot
ing him. The sergeant is proven inno-
cent. He sees Molly in company with Mrs
Dupont, whom he recognizes as a for
qmer sweetheart, who threw him over for
LeFevre. Mrs. Dupont tells Hamlin Lee
Fevre forced her to send him a lying
ing foR LeFevre to force him to clear his
record
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-06-13

acter, should be warned, or, If that
was impossible, protected from impos-
ture. Their open friendIiness and So
cial endorsement were the woman's
stock in trade at Dodge, and whatever
the final denouement might be, Nc
Donald and his daughter would inev-
itabIy share in the ensuing disgrace
of discovery. Even if they were not
also victimized, they would be held
largely responsible for the losses of
others. Had Hamlin been commits
stoned officer he would have known
what to do-his plain duty as friend
would have taken form in a frankly
spoken warning. But, as it was, the
chains of discipline, of social rank,
made it seemingly impossible for him
to approach either the Major or his
daughter openly. He did not actually
know enough to venture such an In
terview, and mere suspicion, even
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1913-06-13
soUTHERNER HAD NO STATE
officer Was Born in Territory, Father
in District of Columbia and Grand
father at Sea.

Just before the Civil war, when the
mutterings of secession were heard
throughout the south, a number of
West Point officers came together at
military station, among them one
of whom we will call Captain H,
and who afterward served with dis
tinction in the Union army. Inc
southern officers, one by one, declared
their intention of "going out, as 1t
was then Familiarity called; that Is.
of resigning their federal commissions
to throw in their lot with their several
states. H, in relating the incl
dent that follows, said that great pres
sure was brought to bear upon him
to join them.
why, don't you go with US, Cap
tain HI" said one of his acQuaint-
ances.
'Why should / go with your" said
HI, who had a certain southern
swarthiness of feature and softness
of speech.
Aren't you going to go with your
state?"
why, 1 haven't any state, ne re-
Piled; II was born in territory"
"Oh, thunder!" said another. why
don't you go with your fathers state,
them"
Cant" protested H; he hadn't
any state; he was born in the District
OF Columbia"
"Oh, hang it," broke in third; If
that's the case, why don't you go with
your grandfather's state?"
Gust as difficult" said H my
grandfather hadn't any state; he was
born at sea-" And then he added: "Oh,
no, boys, it's easy enough for you fell
lows to go with your states, or'-fix-
ing his eyes significantly on one OF
the party-"with your wife's state; but
as for mr. / intend to stand by the old
flag" From the Century.