davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
from the Chicago News.I

From the Chicago News.]
Men, like watches, are valued by
their works.
All the world looks down on a man
who is in a hole.
We all want the bigger half, yet
there is no such thing.
A rich mans philanthropy usually
draws the line at his poor relations.
Before burning your bridges behind
you be sure they are fully insured.
If you would hit the target Of sue
cess you must aim before you shoot.
Ride hobby If you will, but re-
member you are not the only jockey
in the race.
Young man, beware of the girl who
looks like a peach. She may be a
lemon in disguise.
Do your share toward preventing
this old world from becoming a howl
ing wilderness by not bowling.
If man worries about his debts it's
a sign that he is honest; the dishon-
est man lets the other fellow worry.
A childless woman can't understand
why a mother should not spank her
offspring at least three or four times
a daV
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
BY THE WY
By HARVEY PARSONS.

A California judge broke into prin
by advising woman to shoot her hus-
band, and specifying a shotgun "ful
of buckshot" If the woman is foo
enough to follow the wise judges in
structions, she will be blown into
kingdom-come and the husband will
( live happy ever after.
Shooting friend or casual ac.
quaintance with a shotgun full OF
buckshot'' is about like shooting said
victim with a case of dynamite, hold
ing 1t in the hands of the shooter and
aiming it at the shoot-ee.
The women have forced female cops
on Chicago, thereby improving the
standing of Chicago ward-heelers by
increasing the number of civic APP
pOintments. Each she-cop will have
to have he-guide and three h.
guardians, each of which will be APP
pointiVe-
Mrs. Wilson is in favor of doing
away with all alleys. 1t is evident
that Mrs. Wilson does not believe in
suffrage for the Thomas Cat. A
Thomas Cat is shorn of his right and
traditional privileges when denied his
wailing place.
One Mulhall doesn't make a lobby,
but he makes a lovely foundation
whereon newspapers and magazines
may pullQ u lODDy OF lnSlulOuS proper
lions.
Those of us who were born of Kan
sas, and remember her spells of lovely
weather and bounteOuS crops, try to
condOne her shortcomings, but it re-
quires Some Optimistic Spirit-believe
ourself-when it is so ding-donged-
blinkety- BANKED dish-dashed dry that
you have to. tighten the hoops on a
hungry cat before he will hold sweet
milk.
one ever wore out a pin, yet pin fac
tories work night and day. That is a
question that has never been answered
satisfactorily. But we have found the
answer to a question that is almost as
hard. What becomes of the good
cops? Every few years we have a
wave of reform instigated by re-
formers who want the jobs. The
trained cops of the police department
are fired, and their places filled with
ward-heelers and hay-seeds. And here
is the secret of the cops. When a
hOo-raw occurs, two corporations
take care of the real cops. The street
railway company wants strong, level
headed men on the front end of its
cars. y cop who is fired by a Ere
form administration, can get job
there. If there is a bunch left over,
the Santa Ee grabs them for the rail-
road detective service. All they need
to get good jobs is sufficient evidence
that they have been fired from the
Topeka police force by a reform adj
ministration.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
AYHAWKER JOTS

AS. Tom Thompson. of the Howard
Courant, says: The man who thinks
booze is good for a cough is apt to
take cold very easily.
1t is pointed out by the Wellington
Journal that the man who attempts
to carry a heavy load of dignity is Ii
able to get left way behind in this
rapid age.
A man always dresses before leaving
home, observes the Oakley Graphic,
but a woman continues to dress for
two blocks after she gets started any
where.
A warning to it's agricultural friends
is thus given by the Emporia Gazette:
The stroke required for golf stick is
said to plumb ruin a mans swing on
a scythe.
One of the new educational fads is
teaching children how to sleep, notes
the Chanute Tribune, and it adds: A
better scheme would be to teach them
how to keep awake in church when
they grow fat and bald-headed.
With fiy-swatting becoming SO pop
ular, says the Chanute Tribune, some
day the original fly swatter, the tail
of the COW that jumped over the moon
will be done in oil by some Michael
Angelo and occupy a place of honor
along side of Venus de Milo.
On a recent afternoon, according to
the Troy CHIEF, when the thermometer
was 90 in the shade, two fat men met
in front of the First National bank.
Say" said the first fat man, do you
know what I'd do if was in st. Joe?
No said the second fat man. well,
said the first fat man, I'd fill my silo."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
ARE FARMERS SELEISHe

In the current issue of Farm and
Fireside. the national farm paper pub
lished in Springfield. o.. appears an
article which seems to indicate that
farmers wives have been getting the
short end of the bargain" Following
is an extract
Half century ago men and women
were about on an equality in the mat
ter of the drudgery of farm life. The
man had to slave among the stumps and
stones. The woman had to make soap.
weave, spin and knit. The man was
obliged to break his back over the
sheaves in the harvest field. to WELD
the corn knife, and to labor with the
fail and hoe. The woman had to carry
water from the spring, to carry in the
wood, and sometimes to chop it, to
sweep and scrub and fight flies
Necessity has largely emancipated
the man. Invention made it cheaper
and better to use the mower, the binder,
the corn harvester. the windmill, the
gasolene engine. the shredder, the silo,
the riding pillow, the manure spreader.
The cream separator and the milking
machine are making the wife's work
easier too, and so are many other
things. But in many things the in
ventions of today have not been placed
in the woman's hands because it has
been necessary to adopt them in order
to make the farm pay.
So in the course of events that led
up to making the farm pay. the woman
has kept on as she used to, in order to
make possible the purchase of imple-
ments by which her husband could do
more work with less effort. But I can
see no good reason why her sacrifice
instead of being perpetuated by habit
should not be terminated when the
reason for it no longer exists.
The time has now come when we
must move the flag of womans COM
fort up to that planted for the men.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
The Diary of a Boncbead

When I went to the city with the Col
onel, the Colonel suggested that as a mat
ter of economy it might be well if we got
a hotel room with two beds in it.
Being naturally somewhat weak minded
and easily influenced, l agreed, and we
went to bed about midnight. After 1 had
been asleep for a few minutes 1 began to
dream of the battle of Gettysburg | could
greeted Pickett's gallant charge. Then 1
could hear the deep-throated siege guns
and the terrible scream of shells as they
flew through the air. These sounds We're
wounded and the hoarse commands of the
officers Suddenly there was a terrific
explosion and 1 woke up with every in
dividual hair in my head standing straight
uD end.
The Colonel was snoring. I did not
know at the time that the Colonel was the
champion long-dfstance plain or fancy
snorer of our country.
1 sat and listened. spellbound. The
Colonel initiated all of the beasts of the
the sea He gave a correct imitation of
a panic in a circus menagerie, which was
the best thing of its kind that I had ever
heard. Then he gave vivid portrayal of
an explosion aboard Mississippi river
steamboat and followed this with a head
on collision on the B. & o., giving all of
the screams of passengers and the terrible
hiss of escaping steam Then he gave a
one-cylinder automobile climbing a steep
mill, which was the best thing he did. He
seemed to conclude his program. he
gasped and woke up. 1t was then 4
o'clock and L had not closed my eyes
since 30 During all of his limitations,
the Colonel had not repeated himself.
The next time the Colonel and L are de-
tailed TO do any committee work together
in a distant city, one of will go and
the other VIII stop at home
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
WASTED ENERGY.

An interesting and equally excel
| lent suggestion is made by the Nc
Louth Times. as follows:
| This city has four churches.
| The Methodist church has a sup
| ply from Lawrence every Sunday.
THE United Brethren church has a
| resident pastor and a preaching SER
vice once on Sunday.
THE Dunkard church has preach
ing service every Sunday morning.
The Baptist church has an occa-
sional supply on Sunday.
"AII the people who worship in
these churches on Sunday could be
have some vacant seats. Not one of
these churches is able to support q
preacher alone What a waste of en-
ergy it is for preachers to have to
preach to so many vacant seats. 1t
will take less effort to preach to a
full house than a nearly empty one
why could not these churches in
some way be united into one fairly
strong church? Then let them select
a preacher and offer him not less
than $1,000 4 year and u parsonage.
1t would cost less than half what it
does now and much better results
would be accomplished"
A similar situation exists in many
localities in Kansas, and throughout
the nation as we'll. Indeed, it is only
recently that some statistics were
gathered which show that for the
most part nearly every section of the
United States is oVerchurched. This
results in extremely poor pay for
c1ergymen. congregations are bur-
dene1 beyond reason, and the effec-
tiveness of the church is impaired.
Under these circumstances either
the weaker of the churches must sue
cunnb to the inevitable dissolution, or
they must consolidate, and the lat
ter would be a most admirable solu-
ton of the problem. There is ever re-
luctance on the part of many to give
up the creed of their fathers, or the
ones they have chosen for themselves.
But as a matter of fact the basic diff
ference between the tenets of the
bulk of the religious faiths that are
common to this country is really not
enough to separate men in their wor-
ship of God. They all have the same
purposes in view and point to the
same enO. HOW Inuc1l better II WOulu
be then, if in the smaller communi
ties that are Tow struggling against
the almost impossible to support
many churches, there were but one
virile and vigorous church to do the
necessary work. What a happy fam
lily its congregation would be!
1t would seem that the small COM
is the place for this expert
ment to be tried. It's folks are closer
together They know each other more
infinitely. Their joys and sorrows
are almost common property. 1t
ought not to be difficult for such
people to merge their several churches
into one. All would be the gamers.
And who can tell but what this union
of churches in the small communities
might be the turn in the road that
would lead to the union of all faiths,
which now seems to be no more than
q dream of the millennium.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
QUAKER MEDITATIoNs.

From the Philadelphia Record.l
Marriage and collie are two things
that double US up.
The popularity of popular songs
soon leads to their unpopularity-
The young man who is a slave to
his best girl is a miss guided youth.
There are lots of hard knocks in
life, but the more cuffs the laundry
man gets. the better he likes it,
I'm no farmer" said the gallant
elevator man as he took two pretty
girls aboard: but I'm raisin' peaches
in pairs.'
Hook-'I see there's some talk of
organizing a G. A. r. post composed
"Ah! I suppose they'll call it Post
MOrtem','
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

to attend a dance. A maid cared for it
that evening until midnight, when she
turned it over to her mistress.
Mrs Newton took the shoat into her
arms and tried to make 1t comfortable,
fine piece of hemstitched linen, embroid-
cred with blue flowers. wrapped it gently
about the pig, then laid him cautiously
upon the downy pillow beside her own.
Piggy gave satisfied little squeak
doubled up his feet and went off to sleep
happy. The cunning act won Mrs. New
tons heart. His white skin is washed
and combed and perfumed, and he sleeps
in downy bed every night beside his
mistress He also eats from silver
spoon.-Denver (Colo.) Dispatch to the
New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
WHEN 1T Is HOT.


Consider Mr.. Shadrach.
OF fiery furnace fame:
He didn't bleat about the heat
Or fuss about the flame.
He didn't stew and worry,
And get his nerves in kinks,
Nor fill his skin with lines and gin
And other cooling drinks
Consider Mr.. Meshach,
Who felt the furnace, too:
He let 1t siZz, nor queried rs
1t hot enough for you?"
He didn't mop his forehead,
And hunt a shady spot;
Nor did he say, "Geel What a day!
Believe me, it's some hoti'
Consider too, Abed-nego,
Who shared his comrades plight:
He didn't shake his coat and make
Himself a holy sight.
He didn't wear suspenderS
Without a coat and vest;
Nor did he scowl and snort and howl
And make himself a pest.
Consider, friends, this trio
How little fuss they made.
They didn't curse when it was worse
Than ninety in the shade.
They moved about serenely
Within the furnace bright,
And soon forgot that it was hot,
With no relief in sight"
Bert Lerton Taylor, in the Chicag
Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

Any farm that can afford a silo can af-
ford electric light or gas, the vacuum
cleaner, the dishwasher and the wash
ing machine. Any farm that can af-
ford gas engine can afford bath
room and an interior closet. And any
farm that can afford a manure spread
er and a hayfork in the barn can af-
ford running water in the kitchen.
It's matter of looking at the ques-
ton In the right way. 1t also means
giving the women a square deal. And
in the main it's a matter of the women
themselves thinking of these things as
attainable necessaries.''
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
HUAOQ or THE Day

Female voice Con telephone)-"Is that
you can give a message to nv husband.
Hall porter-"I am sorry. madam, but
your husband is not in the club" Female
vOice-"But l have not told you my hus-
bands name yet" Hall porter-.Quite
unnecessary. madam. Nobody's husband
is ever here by any chance."-Punch
-Clubman and his wife don't speak"
No He happened to be home for dinner
one night recently, and his wife rose in
her place. and began: Children we have
with US tonight and Clubman has had
a crouch ever since."-Houston Poet
There doesn't seem to be any hurHw
about filling the position of poet laureafa
In England, said the man who was read
Ing a newspaper We'll" replied the
village statesman; Il don't know why
there should be- The place doesn't carry
as much salary as a fourth-class postmas-
tership- "-Washtngton Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Most promises are apparently made
to be broken.
u j. j
He's the rare man who has a Will
of his own after marriage.
- +
As a rule, the bigger the argument,
the more trivial its subject.
+ = =
A person with a big head is also
usually of the light-headed variety.
D. j. j.
People who refuse to place trust in
others need not expect to be trusted.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

And the inconsistency of the naval
enthusiasts of the country is pointed
out forcibly by the New York World,
as follows: Inspection discloses that
we haven't more than one round of
torpedoes ready for our present fleet
of torpedo boats. Just as a disclosure
that we haven't officers and men
enough to man all vessels of the fleet
serves only to bring agitation to build
more ships.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
HOME NEW WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State journal
away from home during the summer
may have the paper mailed regularly
each day to any address az the ra.e e
of ten Cents a week or thirty cents
a month (by mail only. Address
changed as often as desired. WINE
out of town the State journal VIII DC
to you like daily letter from nome
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bo0kIseepin9 expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

Mr.. Bryan has friends in Texas of
the worth while variety. They are
raising $4,000 in cash which they will
turn over to him with the proviso that
he abandon the lecture platform and
devote his entire time to the state de-
DarfrnaDt
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

West Virginia gets in the limelight
again by sending five of its legislators
to prison for bribery. If this sort of
activity keeps up throughout the coun-
cry, legislative service will have little
attraction for the old-fashioned poll
fiCianS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

This is little short of treason, or
something worse. None of the New
York bankers have been invited by
Secretary McAdoo to the conference
that will discuss the question of dis
tributing the $4,000. OO0-crop-moving
fund
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

Without doubt it is the opinion of the
women that another Daniel has come
to judgment in the person of Judge
Tappan of Oakland, Cal. He advises
that if more wives would shoot their
husbands instead of enduring their
abuse it would be good for society.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

1t is lucky thing for Mr.. Bryan
that he was not named ambassador
to Germany. They haven't the chau-
tauqua habit over there, and the rev
American ambassador to the IarG of
the kaiser has to pay $4,000 q year
rent for house. This is $500 a year
more than his annual pay check.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

No wonder there is rowdyism on the
ball field. Denying the rumor that
Johnny Evers would not be retained as
manager OF his team, President Muir
ply of the Chicago Nationals. declares
that he wants a manager of the fight
ing spirit shown by Evers. whether it
is directed at umpires or players.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

Lese majestic from ex-senator Cur
it's He says it is the general impress
sion in Washington that the admin
istration does not understand the sit
nation in Mexico,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

Some impossible "don'ts" have been
promulgated for Chicago's policewom-
en-. They have been ordered not to be
nosey and not to talk more than Is
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
summer.

Baseball umpires are inclined to the
opinion that they have a tough time
of it. But theirs is child's play COM
pared with the task that is imposed on
those who are named as arbitrator to
settle a church row.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
FUII, LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The state Journal f. a member OF the
Associated Press and receives the ruii Gay
Telegraph report of that great news NJ
ganizatfon for the exclusive apernooh
eublicetion IN Topeka
The news is received in The state Joor-
nal building over wires for this sole pVR-
D9sA
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

Naturally, the news of the retire
ment of MIR. Wilson as ambassador to
Mexico was received with great re-
gret in the official circles at the City
of Mexico where Huerta holds full
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

WI Ting Fang has little regard for
the security of his head. He is trying
to establish peace between the two Tar
tions that seem bent on tearing China
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
sway.

These new hot weather records that
are being made are distressing in
more ways than one. For instance,
the weather men probably won't be
satisfied unless they beat them next
summer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07
Perfumed Pig in Clover.

Mrs. Whitney Newton, a well-known
Denver society matron, has a new pet
a baby pig.
Young Robert Newton brought home
the shOat a few evenings ago. He was
much entertained by the antics of the
animal and all went well until he wished
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

''Dinkle says he doesn't know what to
do with himself when his wife's out of
town" I'm not surprised However, he
knows what to do with himself when she's
in town. because she tells him. Burning
ham Age-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

Wonders never cease. Missouri
bloodhounds are credited with haV-
ing followed a trail so successfully
that they have fastened a murder on
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

Hasten the day. please. Some OF
the goosebone weather prophets are
already predicting an unusually severe
winter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-07

VOLUNTARY ROAD BUILDING.

VOLUNTARY ROAD BUILDING.
1t is impossible to dispel the
thought that there is something cheap
ABOUT the call to arms in Missouri to
build roads, unless the governors OBJ
1ect in asking every citizen to give
two days work on the roads is call
culated only to create public interest
in the matter of roads. If Missouri
or any other state ever has permanent
good roads they will be had only by
levylng a tax and buying them like
anything else is bought. Good roads
cost noney-lots of it; and they are
worth many times what they cost in
actual cash returns to the people who
are benefited by them. Harm is apt
to come from making good roads a
charlty. The better way would be to
educate the people up to the fact that
they are worth what it costs to hire
men and teams and buy machinery
with which to make them. Then the
road system will be placed on a solid
business basis and the roads will not
only be built, but will be maintained
for 1t takes money to keep roads good
after they are once made good. And
it would be impracticabIe to depend
upon the voluntary services of the
people living along those roads 20
keep them up. 1t may be that Gov
ernor Majors object in proclaiming
two road days was simply to direct
pubic attention to and arouse public
interest IN the road problem. In that
respect the road day plan may be
helpful.-Fort Scott Tribune.
o.
THE HERO OF THE PAYROLL
The biggest heroes aren't necessarily
those who go to war. get shot and leave
oen1nd memory for the poets True,
even amid the brutalities of war the
innate virtues of the human species
nave a way of coming to the surface
But do you want to know whom we
consider the biggest hero there is? It's
the worker with a weakness for John
Barleycorn who. knowing what hap
pens on paynight when he stops at the
corner saloon to take just one drink
with the boys" bravely marches past.
goes straight to his little home. throws
MS arm around the missus, uptips her
ch1n for smashing kiss and then
nands over the pay envelope, unopened.
1here's bravery for youi Not lust
brute courage. which often as not is
SIMPLY the evidence of coarse physical
nbre and not much constituencies of
nerve; but moral courage, unflincbing
sacrltlce of self. If she's a wise wom
an. the missus in that home will love
very tenderly the ero-husband who
does this and won't try to draw too
usht rein on him!-Wichita Beacon.