Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1913-03-20
Heard on the Streets
OF THE TOWN
BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN

| "A OTdy girl IeCeutly hlii0o q Win
cat with a club. This should silence
all opposition to womens Clubs.
L. E. Kline says fish do strange
things, but it will never lie about the
size of the man who caught it.
One difference between gun Darrell
and whiskey Darrell is that one kills
with a bang and the other with bung.
We have lot of girls who would
make their cheap lockets more at
tractive if they would wash their necks.
Mexican housewives can now run
down to the corner grocery without
having to dodge cannon balls on the
way.
An Audubon man who has wanted
to hold an Office all his life and who
has run for everything has finally
landed.
Some one should get out an in.
junction or something compelling the
ground hog to take his six weeks more
of winter consecutively.
A pretty Audubon girl who thought
only few weeks ago that her popu'
larity would continue forever, has
joined Trilby in retirement.
1t is said of an Extra man who
tramps around the country a great
deal, that he has lost everything in the
past ten years but his way home.
Have you ever noticed after a bride
and groom return from wedding trip
that they attract no more attention
than an exploded frecracker2
Do a crowd of women folks ever get
their accounts Strengthened out? Every
woman owes some other woman a dime
or fifteen cents, and the other woman
owes her something, and they can
never make change.
1t is claimed that the ugliest man in
the state was on our streets Friday.
He was an oinery looking little fight
too, but he must have thought he was
good looking for his mustache was
waxed.
While at the postoffice yesterday
someone remarked that no one had
ever yet seen the picture of a woman
on a postage stamp or the picture of a
man on a coin. No wonder we lick the
stamp and squeeze the coin. g#
A travelling man who frequents the
Park hotel sent his shirt to the laundry
last week with two diamond studs in the
bosom, and he got them back with the
shirt. When he opened the package
and found what he had done, he said
This is the most remarkable shirt
tale in the history of the state"
II had a peculiar dream the other
night" said a tight listed Audubon
man the other day. 81 dreamed the
church collection came around and
had nothing with me but penny and
a dollar and gave the dollar" The
man he was talking to knew him very
well and told him That was no dream,
it was a genuine case of nightmare"
Waiter. what in heavens name do
you mean by setting out such food?
Are you running a mattress factory as
a side line? I've found hairs every
wherein my honey, and ice cream
and-yes, by gosh! in the very apple
sauce! Now just explain it, if you can,
sir" = q.
Puzzled waiter: well, sub, a. re.
port lax that sho do make me uneasy,
sub, n specially O. the house. Now
them haihs IN the honeywell, sub,
you knows it's in the comb, that honey
is; n the ice fob the ice cream is
shaved, of course. But them apple
sauce sho Is puZzlement. Who dowr
on Water street the commission mar
swo' by good n great at them apple.
was Bald'unsl En- yit the's haihs in
the saucel"
Thirteen young men of Audubon ant
vicinity met Tuesday evening at the
temple of The Sons of Rest" for the
purpose of organizing in self defens,
against certain local charmers of femi
nine gender. After considerable dis
cussion the following resolutions wer,
unanimously adopted:
Resolved that any lady putting an,
extra twists or Queen Ann do-funny
on her while on the street, merely +,
attract attention, can hit the breez