davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The state herald., 1913-12-26
USE A BLUFF" TO IMPRESS
Come Under the Observation Of
Group Of Bankers.

A group of bankers met for their
where 1t was their habit to discuss
various problems. This time the con.
versation drifted toward the various
modes OF deception practiced by peo
pie. One member related how. among
his acQuaintances there were Ave who
owned pianos but not one could play.
These friends, he stated, were In iut
fair circumstances. and to his think
ing 1t was folly TO invest merely for
the sake OF Appearances. Another
member of the party stated that he
knew family where they had five
shelves for the fake books to enlarge
the library so that 1t would have an
impressive appearance. Glass doors
covered the shelves. and whenever a
visitor expressed desire to consult
any particular book the key TO the
doors could not be found Each bank
er seemed to havs some story TO tell;
even silent Clarke" Ms one OF the
members was known. because of the
few stories he told startled them all
by reciting the methods employed by
n man he knew whose desire was to
Impress everyone that he was rich.
"Whyl" he said, that man was 80
crazy TO show OF that he blacked him
self each morsing and'washed the win
dows to make people think he could
afford negro servant"-National
Weekly.
The state herald., 1913-12-26
Go Ahead, Jimmy.

And remember Johnny Binks,-
said the teacher, who was endeayor.
ing to drive moral preoept into
Johnny's head, there is always plen-
ty OF room at the top"
Il guess you got that little wrong.
teacher" said Johnny, whose father
is street-car conductor. Plenty OF
room up front is the way my pa sayr
H."
The state herald., 1913-12-26
He Was HayInu IL

stubb-That's a witty Britisher.
While he was sitting on the park
bench some mischievous boys hlled II
with wax and his coat tails adhered az
II they had been cemented.
Penn-Geat iokei What did he
say when he arose7
Stubb-why. that well'known Brit.
ish expression; I'm having a ripping
time"
The state herald., 1913-12-26
Esvorlte Fiction.

The Science OF Palmistry."
1T WIN BE the Least Bit Out OF My
Way, l Assure You"
The Bed Was Very Comfortable.
Mrs. Irons: ! Slept Like Top.
Reformed Spelling"
Your Esteemed Favor OF fcster'
day"
u Never Felt Better In My Life"
why, Father. Don't Know One
Card from Another"
III ! Thought II Was Doing Mo the
Least Harm I'd Quit II IN u Minute.
The state herald., 1913-12-26
Clean Fake.

ITS almost impossible to believe
some of the things you read In the
newspapers nowadays"
What have you run across now?'
This half.column article about n
city.bred girl yanking on her petit
coat and stopping n cannon ball ex'
press from dashing into an open
switch"
The state herald., 1913-12-26
Got Mlsed.

What sort OF a proposal do you
suppose that business admirer OF hers
made Gladys?"
What was IT,"
81 suppose he was negotiating for
some real estate at the same time. for
he asked her to give him the refusal
OF her hand"
The state herald., 1913-12-26
hla Solutlon.

Mrs. vansook tat the ehildrens par
y)-I declare. little girls and boys OF
twelve stay up half tho night. nova
dnys'
Mr.. Newlyblest tabsentiy)--l sup
pose they acquire the habit while they
are babies-Puck.
The state herald., 1913-12-26
GETTING BACK.

why do you insist on trying to sell me beef
steak and beans and buckwheat cakcsT' de-
manded tho barber II told YOU nil / wn,,.a
was two fried eggs
Well. was In your shop yesterday" rctorted
the restaurant man. AN I wanted was n shave,
but you bulldozed me into = shampoo n foam
nsy. and tonic rub"
The state herald., 1913-12-26
No.

1T seems strange to think thn, ons
little word from you viii make me
happy for life'"
Yes, Hut there's another llttls
word the saying OF which will keep
mo from being miserable for life.
am Just selfish enough to say thai
one"
The state herald., 1913-12-26
Mstehless.

And what became Of that girl who
was such n matohlcas beauty In our
sot when went away"
She still H."
what. after all these yearsf
Not 80 much OF beauty, but still
mntchleaa, she's mn old maid
The state herald., 1913-12-26
sh. Didn't Understand.

See here" said his wife; u hear
you acted scandalous on that trip with
those Knights OF Sparta"
"Mef How's that7"
"Mr Wombnt says you posed as
the lsaak Walton OF tho party. What
do you mean by going around under
an assumed nnmef'
The state herald., 1913-12-26
A prlneeiy olf.

There are not many great philan
thropistn."
II heard OF ono the other day"
what did he doI"
He gave away pass TO the worlds
SERIES
The state herald., 1913-12-26
NOT DIFFICULT.

Wish could do something startling" snid
GLADYS Gloom, sick unto death with ennui
Well. Gladys. that In easily accumulated
SAID her close friend, Della Blnzen. 90 back
70 ,h"l It"o oidfahhioned town where you wers
born aud smoke cigarette ON tho ,n,i,s
square" ]" '"'
The state herald., 1913-12-26
A drntln KNOCK

THAT girl has pretty hair" rcmarh
cd the young han.
Yes" said the dnmsel hc was with
and she hnA some at home that IL
eycn prcttlor, Courier
Journal
The state herald., 1913-12-26
A SAD AWAKENING.

Warden where are my flowers Give IN.
those flowers"
''rhos. flowers are for an ombo,xler 4, IN.
next cen" Wv
Flowers 'ot an embczEsr with a murderer
In the r,me jnii7 A life OF crime ia mn, wh., ,
wns led TO expect"
The state herald., 1913-12-26
a plqocr Contract

so you think you can support my
daughter
~ think So
And eau you support her French
maid. her two poodles and her pot
monkey
The state herald., 1913-12-26
Usual plstlnotlon.

Young wife That pudding ! have
Just made for you Ia a poem.
liubby-And I auppoae I'm to be the
waste basket o. Pennsylvania Punch
Bowl
The state herald., 1913-12-26
H4LZzY EAeNZY EARYSN NEW-
XSHPc5O OIZ2YO- +

OWHERE does New Years cere-
mony mean more than in the land
of the little people whose faces
have become familiar to us on pa
per fans. Indeed. from a national
point of view. this season is the
greatest occasion of the year.
Elaborate preparations are made
long in advance. Houses are
cleaned inside and out. Doorways
are decorated with rice ropes and
fern leaves and evergreen. Every
housewife buys a pot or two OF
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
THIS TOWN MoURNS SOLDIER
zsltoher, servla, Pays Appropriate
Honor to the Only Man It He'd
Killed In War.

The Servian town of Zaftchar has
been rehabilitated in the eyes of all
Servia through the magnificent flu
neral of Reserve Corp. Simon Geor-
gevitch, town clerk, slain at Mohas-
tir.
Although Zaitchar had done its
duty in sending two-third Of its male
population to the war, fate decreed
that most of them returned safo and
sound and the rest with but slight
bullet wounds.
Zaitchar had neither cripple nor
corpse as the result of its valor, and
this led 10 .invidious comments from
the inhabitants of other villages WHO
had suffered severe lbsss in'lifc and
limb.
The death Of Corp. 6imon, who
fell at Monastir, saved the reputa-
ton of his native place, and all Zait-
char turned out TO do honor to his
memory when the body was brought
back.
Every man, woman and child wore
Some black token, public loeening, "
a custom fallen into disuse, was re;
vived, the church bell was rung as
for the death of a bishop and finally
a collection was made beside the open
grave for the erection Of a monu-
ment.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
BATTLES SKILL OF DOCTORS
What Is Known as infantlle Paraly-
sis Bids Fair to Continue Its
Ravages for Some Time.

Five years ago a mysterious dis
ease of northern Europe broke away
from its old bounds and started on
unique and as yet unexplained mi
grafton that has brought it to the
United States and Canada. Polio
myelitis, or infantile paralysis, which
is an acute inflammation. of the spi-
nal cord, has aroused terror on ae-
count of its power to produce defor-
mites. Though this disease has
been considered infectious, it was not
proved to be so until 1909, when it
was transmitted to monkeys by injec-
tidns of matter from the spinal cord
of fatal human case. It'now seems
to belong to the class of about
eighteen known DEMONSTRATING
yellow fever, rabies and vaccinia-.
that have so-called filterable viruses,
being caused by the plant or animal
parasites that pass through fine por-
celain, and are too small to be shown
by the highest power of the micro
scope. The poliomyelitis virus may
enter the brain through the nose and
olfactory nerves. Even healthy per-
sons may be carriers, but there is NO
certain evidence that the disease is
conveyed by bedbugs or other in.
sects or by domestic animals. The
effective drug or serum remedy i.
still being sought, with uncertain
nrnsnectz. ~-.--.----- ,-.l-,-J
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
WHEN COMPANY is EXPECTED
Elaborate Preparations to Welcome
the Guest, Though II 10 but for
a Brief Period.

The gardener comes in to lay
hearth fires and carry tables. We
get out china and silver. We make
salad and rolls, fruit-cup and cake.
We guide the cooks faltering steps
over the critical moments of soup
and chicken. We do the oysters in
our own particular way, which we
fancy inimitable. We arrange BUSH
lis of flowers in bowls, vases and
baskets, and set them on mantels,
tables, bookcases, everywhere that a
flower can find footing. The
chauffeur comes in proudly with the
flower holder from the limousine,
and we all il in honor of the dtgtin-
guished guest.
Than we 20 outside TO see chat tha
approach to the house Is satisfactorily
The bland old gardener points to the
UNCOVERED wall, and says with limo;
cent Joy, g ---z it, amt
that ivory the prettiest thing you
ever saw in your lifes" And VIC
can't deny that the lawn looks well
with ivy and cosmos and innumer'
able chrysanthemums.
The cook and chamberniaid will
have to help wait on the table. The
chambermaid, wh6 is What the butler
contemptuously calls can educated
Niger" and SO knows nothing use.
tful, announces that she has no white
Uniform. All she has is a cold il
her head. We give her blouse and
skirt, wondering why Providence
doesn't eliminate the unfit-Atlan.
tic Monthly.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
FASTING tuxuR,ouslx.

81
Lent is now upon us, and Bishop
O'Gorpan of Sioux Falls, discussing
Lent the other day, said:
'It's the spirit rather than the
letter of our observation Of Lent that
counts. / mean that one may sew
for the poor and at the same time
talk scandal; one may fast and at
the same time gor1nandize.
''Two plump and rosy gentlemen
were talking about Lent.
Brook trout has gone up said
the first.
"'Perigord truflles and Marennes
oysters we're never so dear before
the second murmured.
"'The price. of snapper and, ,dia,
mond back is prohibitive-positively
prohibitive.'
Wine. and fresh vegetables
whether from Florida or California
are worth their weight in gold,'
'The first gentleman sigher and
exclaimed
tAhs, n these days Of higf
prices, where is one to get the monel
to fastPs
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
REGARDED STAMPS As HEALING.

One of the teachers IN the Provi-
dence public schools has been very
active in persuading her pupils to
buy, and also sell, as many of the
Red Gross stamps as they could, and
to stimulate their interest she gave
a talk on the stamps and their mis-
sion. In conclusion she said: "The
stamps are something we should all
be ready to spend our pennies for,
because they are made to prevent
that dreadful disease, tuberculosis. "
The children were duly impressed
and boy in a rear seat begged leave
to speak.
please, Miss Mitchell, where do
you have to put the stamps to cure
you?"
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
A MODERN soLoMosss

All the solomons are not dead.
He was a magistrate who was used
to dealing with negro boys.
Two boys were brought up for
stealing.
Evidently one was guilty, but it
was hard to tell which one.
THE magistrate placed them IN
separate cells, gave each one a leather
string of equd length.
"Now, boys, tho string IN the
hands of the thief will grow" b
said.
In two hours the boys were
brought out
One showed his string. 1t had
not been touched.
The other had cut two inches of
his string. ~.
The judge said; 'T got YOU"
And he had.--Baltimore News
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
THE MEASURE OF SUCCESS,

He has achieved success who has
lived well, laughed often and loved
much; who has gained the respect
Of intelligent men and the love of
little children; who has filed his
niche and accomplished his task !;
who has left the world better than
he found it, whether by an inn
proved poppy, a perfect poem or a
rescued soul; who has never lacked
appreciation OF earth's beauty or
failed to express it; who has always
looked for the best in others and
given the best he had; whose life
was an inspiration; whose memory d
benediction. -Stanley.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
S; SIMPLY WASTING GOOD JOKE
What Happens When Man With q
New One and Man Without
Humor Come Together.

One man met another man on the
street. This is constantly happen
ing, of course. And yet most Of the
people who tell you anecdotes seem
to think that is bright and original
opening. There must be something
to it, therefore we experiment with
it in this instance. One man met
another man on the street and the
first man said to the second man:
"Heilo, jim! You're Just the
man / wanted to see. 1 have new
one for you"
"a new what?s asked the second
man Of the first man, snspiciously.
"A new conundIum"
~There amt any such thing. II
it's good it amt new, and if it's new
it amt"
"Cut it. Now listen: What's the
difference between poet and a
plumberp'
cav, that's easy. A poet never
has any money, and a."
"You're way off. Anybody knows
that difference. Now, listen, here's
the answer; A poet pipes lay and
plumber lays "a"
"My plumber don't. He"
CAV, what's the use telling a good
joke to a man without sense Of
humor ?n-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
FIRST QUARREL.

The acts travelling with the circus
became very much put out with one
consisting of man and a women
who turtle-doved it day and night.
1t was ''lovey" this and "dovey'
that until everybody else in the
show grew sick with the sight of the
spooners' approach. One day one
of the aggrieved burst into the mess
tent full of news and glee. 'Tt's all
right" he yelled. 81 just saw lovey
hand dovey the finest #allop on the
iawlo
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14

Most porters make up berths so that
ones head is toward the engine. Tex
perience has taught me-" says writer
in Good Housekeeping, that in case
of collision or even common quick
stop this may mean bruised head or
wrenched neck. So I always ask
to have my berth made up with my
feet toward the engine. In recent
collision was the only person in a
crowded car who escaped more or less
serious injury, and believe that Il
owe this seemingly providentiaI es-
cape to my position. as when I was
thrown with the force Of the impact I
alighted, as it were, on my feet, while
other passengers were thrown head
foremost"
Cay aiAda o. else Older rlsl,s
Extravagance In dress prevailed liz
the reign OF Edward I'LL. who ascend
ed the English throne early in che year
1927.
Men then wore silk hoods, parti-col-
ofed coats with deep sleeves and mar
row waists, short hose. long pointed
shoes. bushy boards and tails of hair
at the back of their heads.
"The ladies'" says poet of that
period, "are like peacocks and mag
pies" They We're attired in turbans
or lofty miters, with ribbons floating
from them like streamers, tunics half
of one color and half of another. and
deeply emblazoned zones or belts from
the front of which daggers were sus-
pended.
His Fluent French.
'"The people in these foreign hotels" ?.
said the young tourist, Shave the
queerest ways ever saw"
whats the matter now?"
''Why, just now asked the clerk in
French what news from America, and
he replied that the Russian interpreter
was out. I'd like to know what con
nection he thought there was between
| the two"-Iippincott'
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
SEEMS LIKE LAW OF NATURE
That Physical Abnormality Means
Short Life 10 Fact Handed
Down Through History.

The tallest woman in the world
died recently. She was eight feet
three inches in height, but she lived
only thirty-eight years.
This calls attention to one of ma
ture's curious contradictions. Giants
are notably short lived. Not long
since boy nearly eight feet tall died
soon after his eighteenth birthday /;
and instances where men much above
eeveh feet in height have reached the
age of fifty years are almost un+
known.
Length of days does not go with
EXCESSIVE length of limb. But tall
ness which stops short of Eiantism
usually Is a sign Of vitality TalEre-
FRUITS in continental armies--pwvid-
ed they are of proper weight-gtvG
least &oubl~from sickness and gs&n
MOST from physical training. II
must be remembered in this conneci
ton that "tallness" is not the same
everywhere. Men accounted tall in
southern Italy would be rather short
in western Scotland OF among the
native stock of America.
1t is as if nature had fixed g
standard height for each race and
punished by some physical shortcom.
ing those who varied. much from
that standard in either d.. on. :.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
SEALSKINs BRING BIG PRICES
Sold at Recent London Auction. the
Aggregate Amount Paid for Them
Totaled Small Fortune.

A consignment of 3,764 skins of
Alaskan seals sent by the United
States government to the great an
nual fur sale in London, were dis
posed of for an aggregate Of $144,-
res, being an average Of 1873 shil-
lings and ninepence skin, which is
II shillings a pelt higher than last
year.
George M. Bowers, representing
the United States fisheries board, ex-
planned that the increase was due to
the fact that the skins were a little
larger than in the previous year.
Buyers at the present sale came
from all parts of the world, for Lon-
don is recognized as the greatest fur
market in the world. As evidence
Of the magnitude Of the sale, it need
only be mentioned that the auction
ssfa commission olcnc tcse4ad mora
than 100000.
Mr.. Bowers said that the yield of
the Alaskan fisheries was smaller
than usual because of the law passed
by The United States congress pro
hibiting the killing of male seals I'm
der three years old. This, he added,
L = -.....l =. ..aa1aza ..,.oa,,,,a la.a,.ra
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
PLoDDER OF THE FAMILY.

sour family is most interesting.
John dances diyinelY. Tom sings
like an angel, Dave is a famous foot
ball player, and Susanna paints with
great TASTE"
"And Henryp lac.
ooh, Henry. He's rather, a dull
fellow, you know. He only works
and supports the others."'
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
HER ENDLESS STUDIES.

"Mamma, what will 1 have to
do when l am educated and accom-
plished?"
"Then you can pass the rest of
your life learning how to keep
house,
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
USUAL.

Green's house burned nearly
down last night. Funny thing, toop'
''What a funny thing?"
"Why, the fire did as much dam
age as the waterl''- Magazine of
Fun
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
KNOCKING HOLD AENeLANp.

Patience-England, I believe, is g
great country for matchmaking. -,
Patrice-I thought matches were
made in heaven?
"Wel, not the kind that are made
in England"
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
STYLE THAT NEVER CHANGES.

"Telling fairy tales to children is
going out of fashion"
sBut the style continues of men
telling them to their wives"
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
STARTING IT.

'What do you honestly think Of
tne?"
"About the same as you think Of
me-"
Gee! AS bad as that p
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
BEST ONE.

"Have you an accident policy?"
eyes, my dear sir-the policy Of
being absent when the accident hap
pens"
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
SUSPICIOUS.

"Is young Mrs. 0ldboy in mourn
ing for her husband?"
"I'm 10 mind reader-how do I
know ''
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
THEIR REASON.

"Why do broken-down widowers
want to marry againT"
tThafs an easy one. Because they
want to get repaired"
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
CIRCUMSTANCES ALTEA CASES,

Ted-Dd you believe that woman
SHOULD hold the reins?
Ned-4Iteis. all right when You
have the girl out in leigh4-Judpe-
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
WRONG BEIIEFs.

Hosts Of young men are Teck-
less because they believe that by
and by they can be what they viii.
Hosts Of old men are hopeless be-
cause it seems impossible that they
can ever be anything but what they
are. Both are wrong.-PhilGps
Brooks.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
WILLING TO HELP.

He-Somo tunes quite carry me
away.
She-Only tell me one, and will
play it with great pleasure,
colts.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
NO BEAUTY

.Patience-She's in love with her
self.
Patrice-Well, that only goes to
prove that love is blind.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
BALKAN PAS DE ouATRE.

The Three bulgaria, Nontene-
gro, Servia) Out of step, Greece!
Greece-Oitt Of step, yourselvesl
Punch.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
ACCORDING TO REPORT.

"Letter from your wife9" ]
eyes, she's in California for the
winter"
''Well, I guess she's getting it, all
right"
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
Commemorative DETAIL.

"That was mad wine scene"
dyes; 1 noticed the champagne
bottles were fr6thing at the mouth
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
NONE THERE.

II thought 1 would come out to-
day and take the air"
'"Then why did you get IN this
car ?'
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
NEW WAY.

%Any mail for me, HiT
"B'heve so, Silas; it's either a
posthole digger er wagin tongue"
Galveston News.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
TOO PROPHETIC.

Maud have a perfectly killing
automobile costume.
Harry-Then don't wear it ON this
trip.
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
EVIDENCES OF IT.

'aThat man is a broker"
81 thought he had a stocly build!
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
SENSATIONAL SILENCE.

IT am going to keep secret the
recipe to prevent badness"
~ see. 1t is hair-raising mys-
terry" - m
Delaware City press. (Delaware City, Del.) 1913-19??, 1913-03-14
BEGINNING.

"Do you know any French9"
eyes, i can. shrug my shoulders"
Boston Transcript.