davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05

Vice President and Mrs. Marshall
liked their vacation so we'll that they
will start on another one to Phoenix,
Ariz. They will remain about eight
days.
Annual weighing of the mails at
railroad expense is proposed in a bill
introduced by Representative Lloyd Of
Missouri. The weighing would re-
quire thirty working days.
The sale of interchangeable mileage
books with the requirement that the
coupons be exchanged for tickets be-
fore journey is begun, was held by
the Interstate Commerce Commission
to be neither discriminatory nor in
violation of the law
Acting Secretary Roosevelt of the
navy instructed Rear Admiral Fletcher
to place General Felix Diaz, the Mexi-
can refugee, and his party aboard a
New York and Cuba mail steamer af-
ter the ship leaves the last Mexican
port on her sailing.
President Wilson let it be known
that he was waiting for things to take
definite shape in Mexico as a result
of the election and that the United
States government would not act un,
til informed in detail of what took
place at the polls.
Women in governmental affairs
gained another victory when Mrs.
Crystal Eastman Benedict, suffragist
of Wisconsin and New York, was
added to the staff of the Federal In
dustrial Commission
Railroad blasting operations on a
tributary of the Fraser river in Wash
ington have killed more than one mil
lion salmon and prevented the spawn
ing of between two and three billion
sockeye salmon eggs. Rocks dislodged
by the blasting blocked the stream and
caused the death of the ascending
fish
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05

nervous could not sleep, then ] would
be so tired mornings that could scarcely
get around. It seemed almost impossi-
BILE to move or do bit of work and I
thought never would be any better un-
til submitted to an operation. COM
menced taking Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound and soon felt like q
new woman. had no pains, slept well,
had good appetite and was fat and
could do almost all my own work for a
family Of four. / shall always feel
that I owe my good health to your med
icine. Mrs. HAYWARD Sewers, Cary,
Maine.
If you are i'll do not drag along until
an operation is necessary, but at once
take Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound.
If you have the slightest doubt
that Lydia e. Pinkham's Vegeta-
bic Compound will help you, write
to Lydia e. .Pinkham M Medicine Co.
{cOnfid idential) Lynn, Mass, for adj
vice. Your letter will be opened.
read and answered by a woman,
and held in strict confidence.
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05

last April, but he was sick with bowel
trouble from birth and suffered in
tensely. Since Mrs. Rouse has been
giving him Dr. Caldwell's Syrup Pep
sin all trouble has disappeared and the
boy is becoming robust.
Thousands keep DR.. Caldwell's
Syrup Pepsin constantly in the house,
for every member of the family can
use it from infancy to old age. The
users Of Syrup Pepsin have learned
to avoid cathartics, salts, mineral wa
ters, pills and other harsh remedies
for they do but temporary good and
are a shock to any delicate system.
Families wishing to try free SAM
pie bottle can obtain it postpaid by
addressing DR.. w. B. Caldwell, 2O3
Washington ST., Monticello, Ill. A pos
tai card with your name and address
on it will do.
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
Penalty of Having Too Much Rope.

Fenalty OF Having Too Much Rope.
Il note that Mexico is again peeved
at the United States" commented Bat
sin Garrett. This reminds me of
the familiar yarn of the negro
who was about to be hanged for the
murder of another negro, and after a
lengthy and rambling farewell to the
world addressed the widow, who, fat,
black and pessimistic, sat in front
Of the scaffold: "De Lawd in his in
finite wisdom has done fuhgiven muh
sins and innickerties, and now I axes
yo', Sistah Watkins, to fuhgive me,
and 'Ow,. git hung, nigger!' impa-
tiently interrupted the bereaved lady.
Git hung!' Mexico having been given
an abundance of rope, am grimly
awaiting the inevitable outcome. am
of the same attitude of mind, too, to-
ward the person or persons, as the
case may be, who has or have, been
SO long messing with and muddling up
the gas situation. kansas City Star.
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
More important Than Success.

The most important thing in mans
life is that which he has been striving
at. All that he actually accomplished
was dependent to a considerable ex-
tent on purely accidental circum-
stances, and in the best cases,
proved only far inadequate realiza-
ton of his intentions.-John Ruskin.
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
Previous Engagement.

Erb-"Got job for you at last, Bill.
Must see the boss at nine tomorrow
morning, sharp!" Bill-"Can't go. I've
promised to carry the flag in the un-
employed procession Bull.
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05

LYDIA II. Plnkham'S 8
We G e table Com
pound did for me.
One year ago / found
myself a terrible suf-
ferer. / had pains
in both sides and
s uch a soreness I
could scarcely
str al gh ten up at
times. M b ack
ached, / had no ap-
petite and was so
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
Mild Dissipation.

Ellis wife is rather strict with him,
eh?"
shows an evening is all she'll stand
for.''
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05

Smile on wash day. That's when you
use Red Cross Bag Blue. Clothes winter
than snow. All grocers. Adv.
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05

The principal ingredient in luck is
common sense.
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
SomeWha

Does a rubber plant in the house
hold bring husband and wife closer
together, or is the contrary. true?
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
The Boss WorrIer.

whats Bicycles worrying about
now?"
He says radium is $1O,O0Q.a grain.
Birmingham Age-Herald.
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
WOMAN ESCAPES
OPERATION
By Timely Use of Lydia E,
Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound.

Here is her own statement.
Cary, Maine. -" feel it duty owe
TO all suffering women to tell what
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
important to Mothers

Raises Another Fine Legal Point.
Another fine technical point for the
able lawyers to quibble over has been
raised in New York appellate court.
1t is this: rs a colt a horse?"
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
She Might Be Near

She Might Be Near.
What makes you think it is mar
ried man?''
He looks around in such scared
and apologetic fashion whenever a
woman gets near him"
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
Daily Thought

To God, thy countrie, and thy friend,
be true.-Vaughan.
Duncan Arizonian., 1913-11-05
WASHING

Vice President and Mrs. Marshall
liked their vacation SO we'll that they
will start on another one to Phoenix,
Ariz. They will remain about eight
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
6ditorial PAGE Of Cite Cacoma Ciaes
THOSE WILSON GIRLS

We that the daughters of the president OF the United
States be popular high saset Washington
when Papa Wilson into the White House.
high saiey marked by it's possession of dol
lars and idle time than It's standards different
those of the the the cardinal hold
self aoof from the struggles and the the pleasures
the multitude always the heights where the
dollar the
where the leader the next ctiion of greatest
weity than
crisis
Therefore Wilson girls 1t perfectly scandal
New York
babies of people shocking to hear that they
had their when they little pathetic mother doomed to
from her
band who had sent for her.
If those Wilson girls make Washington,
to take interest dances than bbs they about
perfumes and than about the people, they
feelings they
that high ty of the chosen and that the plain do
count for much in this best of all possible worlds
and whether those Wilson their
sympates splendid
succeed
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Let Her Stand.

There is an indianapolis attor-
ney who is known for his dignity
and who rarely INDUCES in FLOW
cry oratory in arguing a case,
Some years ago, however, he was
engaged in a murder case IN
which the guilt of the prisoner
was apparent, and the lawyers
friends advised him to appeal to
the sentiment of the jurors. Sc
the attorney took his friends ad-
vice.
Down in the hills Of old Ken.
tucGy stands a little cottage he
began. Around the cottage vines
are clinging. and in the doorway
Stands a gray-haired mother wait
ing ..
"As l was saying, down In the
hills of old Kentucky stands 1T
tie cottage. Around the cottage
vince are cllnging. and In the
doorway stands gray-haired
mother waiting Itss
The lawyer paused and his face
turnedsred.
"And while she is standing
theres waiting" he continued, II
guess we might as well discuss
the facts in this case. Mont
gomery Journal.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

D.a1 I'D [|ffak,
BRALTY- 49,

It's lots of fun to travel
Around from place to place,
To watch the road unravel,
The country change its face;
It's fun to be a rover,
A pilgrim, now and then,
But when the journeys over
I'm glad I'm home again.
To visit friends is pleasure
Wherever they may be;
Such joys l always treasure
And hold in memory.
And Extraordinarily Is It?
No matter where I've been,
When finished is my visit
I'm glad I'm home again.
Home, where | can be selfish
And lazy-like as we'll,
Withdraw like any shellfish
Within my comfy shell
To shun the wide worlds tour
ney
And loaf around my den
I've had a pleasant journey.
I'm glad I'm home again!
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
BY UNCLE DUD.
ITO the Times by mail from
Colon, Canal Zone.)

colon. CanaI ZOne.)
ABOARD STEAMER PARIS
NINA, Feb. AT last we are
afloat! On the "water wagon"
i'm very truth, for five long days
Five days of emancipation. Such
squalid mud and slushy cobble-
stones as we encountered in New
Orleans.
For five glorious days the salty
spray of the Gulf of Mexico will
part in the muttering protest al
our bows and trail it's seething
spune to north'ard I'm our wake
for five jOy-inspiring days the sun
will rise majestically out of the
sea and then-we will be at Pan
anna.
Great stuff! Simply great!
Cory is as enthusiastic as my
self and is endeavoring to sing a
sea song which he calls bass
solo. His efforts are very annoy
ing to me, because I feel that ]
could do 1t much better.
Our wife is overhauling her list
of remedies for sea sickness and
making methodical inventory of
the life-saving paraphernalia of
our cabin equipment, being a
woman of far-seeing and forebod-
ing temperament.
AS to this matter of being sea-
sick thank heaven that / am not
given to feeble frailties of the
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

sort. l have never yet missed a
meal or fed a fish while on the
high seas-it is purely a mani
festation of weak mind. If you
think you are going to be sea-sick
you'll be sea-sick; if you think you
won't, you won't-t-hat's the
whole secret!
| have some slight misgivings
as to Cory, but as to myself-tee
hee.
/ should worry!
We are just entering the gull
and can begin to feel that grandly
exhilarating roll, so dear to the
born seaman.
Hurrah! Who would fool
away his life on land, with the
boundless ocean, it's salty breezes
its broadly heaving bosom, its
fathomless, mysterious depths and
its white-capped pillows beckon-
ing, beseeching, alluring him to
come?
Feb. 81 am slowly dying
too slowly. l have missed several
meals and have provendered all
the fish in the Gulf of Mexico for
the balance of the winter. If
live for another hour not only
the fishes of these and other wa
tiers, but the whales and walruses,
porpoises and such other mamma
liza of aquatic tendencies-through
the charted oceans of the earth
will have been surfeited to reple-
ton!
This Is not sea-sickness-it is
hydrophobia.
1t Is a fool of a ship!
Why-Oh, why, when il rolls to
starboard, doesn't it keep on
rolling and sink instead of gradu-
ally rolling back again to port
My only comfort is that Cory is
also dying, but, lucky dog! l
have fearful premonition that
he will die first.
1t is exasperating to know that
our wife is lunching with the cap
tain and giving the chief steward
her best recipe for doughnuts!
Poor soul, she thinks us merely
oOooiSh. ohC SOou Wul Dc WiuOW
the sooner the better!
Doughnuts-Ugh! Food of ev-
cry description, consistency, de-
mension, composition, shape, col
or, odor or temptation, whether
vegetable, animal or mineral, is a
nauseous abomination!
=
Feb. 9.-The past several days
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

were better forgotten. l cannot
write of them as yet, without
painful emotion and l am too
weak to undertake it.
We did not diet-let it go at
that.
We are about to land at Colon,
where the real field of our labors
lies temptingly ahead of us. Be-
fore shutdown we will have cross
ed isthmus and specifically view
ed the big flume. We sincerely
trust that it will meet with our
approval in all respects. 1t would
be a shame. after all the expense
in cash and human effort that has
been lavished ON this mighty
project, If Cory and myself were
to detect any serious defect In the
manner or execution of the Job
and be forced to expose it to the
pitiless public. Minor imperfec-
tons we will endeavor to over
look. UNCLE DUD.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

Jim Patten made 100000 by his
cotton corner and the government fined
him $4,000. Uncle Sam seems to be
one of those low-down walters who will
take any kind of tip.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
That Canadian bank expert, Sir Ed.

That Canadian bank expert, Sir Ed
mund Walker, suggests that we have a
bank note currency "that will appear
when needed and disappear When the
need has passed" Splendid, Ed, just
splendid! The sort we've now got sell
dom appears when needed and it's judg-
ment on the time to disappear ISM
worth shucks.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Applied Christianity.

Because he had been a naughty
little boy-a very naughty little
boy-he was sent to bed without
any pudding. But in the even
ing, when his brothers and SIS
tiers all were fast asleep, he crept
downstairs, fearful little white
robed figure. and, going into the
library, said to his mother:
"Mumy, you told me never to
go to sleep till I'd made peace
with my enemies; so I've come
down to forgive you and daddy
for being so rude to me at dinner
tonight
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

EDITORS interchangeable write
rs, special newspaper writer's
muckrakers, women writers, pho
tOgraphers-all have had their
hand showing the Panama Canal
to the American Seople. But the
Canal has never been cartOoned
nor its funny side told. So Spe-
cial CartOOnist Cory, whose car
tOOns have been a feature in the
Times, has gone to the big
Ditch" to do those very things
for the Times. He is at the Canal
now, and, with "Uncle Dud," is
drawing and writing funny stuff
for you. Wen just whisper in
your ear that "Uncle bud" Is
Cory's pen name, but don't tell
him we told. The mail has just
brought i'm the accompanying fea-
ture-their first.)
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

That story about Pat Calhoun becom-
ing angel for the beet sugar industry, in
order to buck the trust, reminds us Of
that time when the devil sowed part Of
his dominions to alfalfa.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Sea Food.

eff you will marry me-" said
the ardent sutton, you shall have
your own automobile"
How dare you'll" she Kissed.
you know am advocating
votes for women and insist on
walking."-Washington Star.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Hamlet Fatt smiled feebly.
Recalled.

whats daughter doing?"
making shrimp salad
'T didn't know we had any
shrimp in the house."
I'VE haven't, but there is one
going to call on her this evening""
Houston Post
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Strong Evidence.

Magistrate-And what was the
prisoner doing? ~
Constable-'E we're 'avin' a
very 'eated argument with a cab
driver, yer worship.
Magistrate-But that doesn't
prove he was drun1.
Constable-Ah! Mis- But there
wern't no cab driver there, yer
worship.-London Opinioo.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

Considerable indignation has
been aroused in Beeleysport by a
remark of a stranger that tn pud-
die everybody has ter wade
through to git up town from the
depot ought to be removed. Thus
attackin' one of our most vener-
able institutions"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
speeches clearly

Thost birthday speeches clearly
showed that if Old Abe were alive to-
day, he'd be leader of at least five diff
ferent parties, all going in different di-
rections. 1t must sometimes comfort
the dead to know that they are dead
perpetually.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
The Tenpter.

Remember, George, dear, you
promised, if your men were NOM
mated, to give me 500 for a
summer gown"
"Oh, did / say that?"
Observation-Disclosures -
that"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Taking an Oath.

Knicker-FeeI strange taking
an oath?
Bocker-No, you Just hold up
your hand as though you were
going to hang on a street car
strap.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Only Transferred.

"Among the tenements that ray
within my Jurisdiction when I
first took up mission work on the
Est Side" says a New York
young woman. twas one to clean
out which would have called forth
the best efforts of the renovaror
of the Augean stables. And the
families in this tenement were
almost as hopeless as the tene-
ment itself.
"On one occasion I felt dis
tinctly encouraged, however, since
I observed that the face of one
youngster was actually clean.
William I said, your face Is
fairly clean; but how did you get
such dirty hands?'
Washin' me face" said Will
lam. Judge.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
First, force the woman IL steps

backward, is The Introductory de-
seription of new dance. You can bet
that anything requiring woman to
back up that far is going to linger in
our midst.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
A SHORT LAW STORY

"The will be with always declares Hubert
Thereby
the indicating what the
judicial
the law.
awakened to the the laid
for and shot cold blood H. Tov and
he There
Toiver
of insanity
Them Wednesday referred another acquitted Lewis
walked determined that the would be
with him. always
1t isn't much length almighty fine
showing impartial workings of the law?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

Without her divorce colony, Reno
will have to fall back ON her advantages
as a prize fight city, if she wants ma
tional advertising.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
One thing Bill Taft will gain by bein.

a college professor III be able to
gnaw peanuts, cuss the umpire and root
for the home team without cracking the
japanning on his official dignity.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

The mild winter down east has per-
mitted the birth of several generations
of house flies that otherwise would
have frozen to death.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
We wanted to see those National

Cash Register fellows punished, if
guilty, but sentencing them to Ohio
county jails isn't tempering justice
with mercy so you could notice it.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

Skirts must be worn tighter, says
Fashion. Lord! they're going to knead
'em and bake 'em on!
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

Commissioner Lawson who opposed
connecting up the Tacoma and Seattle
power plants is still knocking the prop
osition by declaring it will cost $780,
600 for right of way.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Judgment.

Footman-These are smart folk
that come here.
Butler-Pooh! that shows Your
ignorance. Why, not one of their
coats smells of petrol. -Pele MeIe.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
LET'S SMILE AWHILE

Fast
Cant you get up a little
speed?" asked the dyspeptic
drummer as the conductor passed
through the car.
"Speed?" exclaimed the conduc-
tor. why, this train is fast
"Huh!" replied the drummer.
81 thought it was fast 10 some
thing. Cincinnati Enquired.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Enough balmy days of spring have

come, back east, to make the honest
farmer get out his little barrel of glu-
cose with which to brighten up the sor-
did maple sap.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Husky manhood out on the coast, ali

right! Jimmie Morris, aged SO, has had
his father, aged 80, hailed into Los
Angeles court for spanking him.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
d professor believes tina
that
Harvard

plants are conscious. Sure! Every
time the Canterbury bell rings 4 o'clock
you'll see the anemones shut up.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

Joe Ettor made speech in Tacoma
Sunday and the sun shone as usual to-
day, getting around on schedule time
as if nothing had happened.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

It certainly looks as if the military
spirit is getting low when the national
guard companies here cannot muster
enough for Washington birthday pa
rade to prevent the officers being
ashamed to come down town.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

State mail carriers insist that Uncle
Sam ought to pension them when they
wear out in the service. All right, but
how about the rest. of usq
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
Prohibitionists point with pride-ol

rather alarm, to the fact that in his in
augural parade, Woodrow Wilson will
have to pass no less than 81 open sa-
looms. No need to worry. He'll find
them so packedowith democrats that he
won't be able to get into one of them,
anyway.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

MEMBER OF THn sCnPPs NORTHWEST
LEAGUE OF NEWSPAPERS. Telewra phic News
Service Of the United Press Association By direct
Leased Wire.
Entered at the postoffice, Tacoma, WASH,
seccad-ciass matter Published by the Tacoma
Times Pub. Co. Every Evenfng Except Sunday.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
On the RiaItO,

81 hear you turned 'em away
in Plunkville," said Yorick
Hamm.
Hamlet Fatt smiled feebly.
mot exactly said he, truth
fully. "They stayed away of
their own accord. kansas City
Journal.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24

Letters continue to pour into Tacoma
asking about the commission plan of
government and the anti-treat law.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-02-24
No wonder that Diaz was abb.

NO WUHueT CIldC Oldz WAS dUIe &c
hold out so long. He was paying his
soldiers 81 per day and they were
fighting 40-cent men.
Barton County democrat., 1913-06-27
INCREASE IN PERSONAL PROP.
ERTY,

Topeka, June 2O.-An increase Of
$OO,OOO,OOO IN personal property in
Kansas in the last year is expected
by the state tax commissioner. In
1912 Kansas had only a fair wheat
crop and a fairly good corn crop and
lost more than $4,000 horses by a
strange plague, and the grasshoppers
ate up lot of alfalfa and forage
crops, and the winds blew away a
lot of soil, and still the Kansas peo-
pie have s5O,OOO,OOO more personal
property now than they had in 1912.
The total valuation of the Kansas
property this year will come close to
the $4,000, ,OOO,O mark.
The estimate of a $5O,OOO,OOO in
crease in personal property this year
was comleted by Clarence Smith
secretary Of the state tax commission
from the reports Of the county asses
sors to the state commission. The
estimate is based on the actual fig.
ures from about 80 counties of the
state