The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-08-30

A good planters wife, "befo' dc
wah." was teaching a jet black house
girl. just fourteen. and fresh from the
plantation. the alphabet. Betsy had
learned the first two letters, but al.
ways forgot the useless letter &C."
Don't you see with your eyes, Bet.
sy? ant You remember the word
seq" said the mistress.
"Yassum." answered Betsy. but she
couldn't. Five minutes later Betsy be-
gan again bravely. '.A-B-" and
there she stopped.
What do you do with your eyes,
Betsy?"
Il sleeps wild 'en, mistiss." And
this ended for that day the effort to
educate" Betsy.
Wife-"Wretch. Show ME that let
ter
Husband-"what letter."
Wlfe-'The n in your hand. It's
from a woman. 1 can see by the
writing. and You turned pale when
you saw it,"
Husband-"Yes. Here it is. It's
your dressmaker's BILL
Some months ago excavations were
being made for new tracks on the line
of a certain famous railway. At one
point a nearby resident obtained per-
mission to remove a quantity Of turf
to resod his premises, the section boss
being instructed to notify the exca.
waiting gang" when the resiien,
should have secured all he desired.
The Hihernian's report is as fol-
lows: The man that wanted the
earth has got it,"
Master Walter Brockway of Yon-
kArc NJ t.
and. of course, knows better: but
when he was about four his father,
hearing walls Of feline distress one
day.. investigated AMI found Walter
dragging the family cat around by the
tail.
My son" he said, you mustn't
pick up kitty by the tall"
Why not?" asked Walter. ut
won't come of."-Philadelphia satur-
day Evening Post.
The extent to which the modern
child is educated in matters OF
hygiene appears from a recent epi-
sode in a Boston school:
The class had visited the Art Mu-
scum and the teacher wished to earn
what he children had observed and
now they We're impressed. The sub
5ect at the moment was the exquisite
az vi ApAiiouile' one OF tne chlef
treasures Of the museum. A little boy
who frantically waved his hand was
called upon. He announced trium-
phantly.
II noticed she had adenoids!"
why. Peter" exclaimed the shock
ed teacher. what do you mean?"
She keeps her mouth open all the
time" was the reply.-Youth's Com
panion.
Every one knew Jonathan skinfint
as a millionaire. with the execution.
90 1t appeared Of Jonathan himself.
He invariably wore the shabbiest Of
clothes. and Is reported to have dined
one day on a couple Of peas and a
grape skin.
One day an old friend endeavored
to persuade the miser to dress better.
II am surprised" he said, that YOU
let yourself econ1 go shabby" .
lated skinf1int.
"oh. yes. YOU are" replied his
friend. Remember your father. He
was always neatly dressed. His
clothes were very handsome"
Skinhint gave utterance to a hearty
laugh. Why" he shouted trium-
phantly. These clothes I've got on
A lady with a wasplike waist faint
ed in a city street the other day and
was carried into the nearest shop. An
1rishman. who had observed the oc-
c%urrence. looked into the shop after
a few minutes and inquired:
How is. she now?"
Oh" said the shopman. "she's
coming to-"
All" replied Pat, come In two,
mas she? Poor thing: Bebad. ITS Just
A man went to order a wedding
cake the other day. ~
I'm getting married" he said. and.
Well. it's the latest thing" said
the shopgirl. ito have wedding cakes
IN h"rmony with the bride-xroom's
calling or profession. Thus, d Jour
nalist has a spice cake, a musician an
oat cake: an athlete a cup cake, a man
who loafs on his friends a o
cake. and SO forth and 80 on. What
Is your calling. please?"
Il am a pianist"
Then. Of course" said the girl,
you'll want pound cake"