The Washington times., 1913-02-26

LWA1S give the la0y her chOice
| ~ of restaurants; 50 that, In a
~ moment of pique. after she's
| given you the grand bazoo, she
!, won't be able to say:
| He tried to train me to- the bean
and butter cakes brigade. but it was
no go!'
When the handsome hatboy sewers the
| tie that connects you to your coat and
| lid, auell your desire for bloodthirsty
battle and bestow upon him a Mona
| Lisa smirk. at the same time accept
\ ing graciousiy the slice Of pasteboard
| that is more binding than first mort
| gage.
| Leaving the hatboy, dispel all thought
Of him, lest your appetite becomes
| much impaired, and extend a brotherly
| hand to the head waiter, who will look
1 in distress over. sea OF empty tables
| trying to find just one that Is not re-
| served CD, And just as he is about to
give up hope of housing you, uncover
| a green certificate to make his eye
| sight come back to him. The sudden
ness with which he'll lamp that un-
| reserved table will make hit with the
| lady, who will Immediately surmise that
you're a rounder, an habitue. etc, to
get such elegant service.
When she says:
ooh. you order, I never know what
| to eat.''
Beware, She is the kind that knows
| the bill of fare upside down, and the
wine list Is more familiar to her than
| the year of her birth. II you like her
| fairly well and wish to be pleasing to
| her. order a sensible meal with maybe
| one unusual dish and a quart Of some
! thing red and pretty rank. But IL you
! want to win her undying alteration
throw In the clutch, take or the speed
night-and-day bank for immediate
! reference,
II the waiter has any little. solicitous
| suggestions to make such as celery at
| seventy-ive throw. or an Astrakhan
| caviar canape. a mere bagatelle at $1.50
per head, be grateful and LOOK grace
| ful-and acquiesce Immediately
When he has served you the meat
! course and you find some unimportant
article. perhaps salt or water. missing
! find that he's vanished from the face
! Of the earth. don't get peeved. Call one
| of the other walters and tell him about
| II, and when he tells you that he'll send
| a bus to look for your waiter. don't ask
| him why he can't get it for YOU him
: self as long as It's right on the next
' table. He Just can't, Would you have
, him incur the scorn of the union by
! this breach of waterfall etiquette'
3; And after you've eaten all your
meat and all your vegetables and
yo,,'ve saved a fraction of a potato to
| nut your salt on when you DO get
| il don't exclaim that you're going to
! have him FIRED, by gosh! Give him
| the benefit of the doubt. He may be
; in the throes of pinochle down in the
kitchen, for all you know. and the
; lady'H say you're horried brute to
! treat a man that way just because
| he's waiter
After YOU have finished your meal
and Won say to the presiding genius:
LET me have a good medium cigar.
And he says:
! "Ses. sir: something about three for
| a dollar. sir? .
Re a snort. Don't beat him down and
don't have heart failure when You
apply the flaming match to the stylish
weed. Be an actor-and get away
Tbe time has now come for YOU 20
demand the check. At first glance at
/ the sum total there VIII be cold
! clutch near your lungs and you'll
! think, "Ah. hoy addition has changed
since I was a lad" Don't rack Your
brains about that puzzlinE little Item
of twenty cents. It's bread and butter
for two. Pay for II even though you