The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1913-09-10
HOW TO Be GENTLE
Vulgar Familiarity Never II
Good Form.
Old En1lishman's Advice and Warning
Agsinst Calling Men and Women
by Christian Names on Short
Acquaintance.

When our forefathers spoke OF a
mans address they meant his whole
social bearing. Nor was it By mere
freak or accident of language that the
word thus exchanged a narrower for a
wider significance. A mans way OF
accosting stranger, or even an ac-
quaintance. or even friend, reveals
good deal of his character and goes
a long way toward distinguishing a
gentleman from a boor Good man
ners are easy and free. but free and
easy" manner is an abomination. My
attention. says writer in the Man
chester England Guardian. is invited
to the subject by one of those young
inquirers who writes as follows:
Il attached no particular importance
to the questions until few weeks ago.
And now | would ask what eX-
perience has taught you. Is one to
call every Tom. Dick and Harry by his
Christian name. or plain Brown, Jones
and Robinson. prefixed with Mr. ac-
corjing to age? Is one to call every
Joan. Jane and Betsy by her Christian
name. or merely Miss So-and-So?"
must not Indicate my correspond
ent by the name of the place in which
he dwells. so for the nonce he shall
be tom Fytton." named after a very
attra ctive hero who suffered from rath-
er similar embarrassments; and to my
friend Tom | would at the outset i'm
ri n III NO ushiph |
ceived very early in life.
when you once are on terms to call
Christian names. you are on terms to
Quarrel" This somber truth. oven If II
stood alone. should be a deterrent from
premature and needless intimacies. ]
fancy that Cowper, who had the double
sensitiveness of the gentleman and the
poet. must have been smarting from
some experiences OF this sort when he
wrote his stanzas on Friendship:
The man who halls YOU Tom or Jack.
And proves by thumpS upon your back
How ho cstrems your merit
Is such friend that one had need
BE very much his friend indeed.
To pardon or to bear II.
And the odd thing is that the men
who are thus Extensively friendly al
ways seem to imagine that they are
making themselves extremely pleas
ant: they are too blind 20 see the an
nCyance which they cause and too
thick headed to feel that their clumsi-
ness Is resented Warned by their ex-
ample. let Tom Fytton contine him
SELF to surnames until he Is really sure
OF his ground and then. when ac-
quaintance has led to intimacy, he Will
find that the Christian name slips in
70 Wy and Inevitably: into its place.
- 49, ~ than to
mere Is no greater error lAaA y
mistake vulgar familiarity for gentle
manlike ease" but there is a familiar
ity which Ia not the least vulgar. and
"gcntlemanly" has no necessary con-
neciion with social rank Some OF the
truest gentlemen ! have ever known
have been miners. and ] have seen ag-
ricultural laborers whose manners no
instruction could have mended.
Is Tom to call Joan. Jane and Betsy
by their Christian names? No. | can.
not say 1t too often or too plainly. To
a man. every woman should be di.
vinity: and the slightest touch OF IA.
miliarlty or free and easlness Is in.
consistent with that reverence which
should be his instructive attitude. II
:. IT,: that my favorite heroine. Die
V.rnon. encouraged Frank o:b2ldiscn
to set convention at defiance fCall
me Tom Venom. II you have mind
but speak to me as you would friend
and companion" But then Die. with
all her charms. was n bit OF a holden.
and had learnt her manners from her
brutal cousins. Frank, who was a gen.
tleman, as well as good fellow, de-
lined to take her AT her word, and al
thc'r Sal parting 1ss II seemed) she
was still to him Miss Vernon
n a forward or cancelled youth pre-
sumes to be free and easy" with what !
he will probably call a CURL" he is
likely to receive snub which will
abide with him. to his great advantage, |
all his life long. SO direct familiarity |
Is difticult and dangerous and the
bounder generally has sense enough
TO avoid il. But he compensates him.
SELF indirectly by speaking OF girls,
behind their backs. by their Christian
names. though he knows full well that
he dare not so call them to their faces.
There he shows himself a coward as
we'll AS a cad. and Tom Fytton will
perhaps find an opportunity OF telling
MIN so