davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
4 New Inquisition.

From the New York World.
As a rider to the post-office bill, Con-
gress has provided that every news
paper, magazine. or periodical using the
United States mails must file with the
with the Postmaster General twice a
year a sworn statement setting forth the
names and addresses OF its editor. man
aging editor, publisher. business man
ager, owners, and stockholders; also.
the names of its bondholders, mort
cages, ana other security holders. This
Information must also be published by
the newspaper, magazine, or periodical
In question. In addition. any editorial
or news matter for which compensa-
ton is received must be marked ''ad-
vertisement."
But what have all these rules and
regulations which Congress imposes up
on publishers to do with the Post-office
Department or with the Federal Gov
crnment. If Congress may compel news
papers to furnish a statement of their
stockholders and bondholders and credi-
tors to the Postmaster General for the
privilege of using the mails, why can
not II compel every person who uses
the mails to make similar statement?
Why cannot 1t carry this inquisition into
every factory, into every office. into
every apartment, into every farm house?
II the Post-office Department is to be
a nationwide inqCisition rather than an
agency for carrying the mails, why stop
with the newspapers? Indeed, how long
will Congress stop with the newspapers?
How long before any citizens right to
mail or receive letter will depend upon
his ability to make a statement of his
private affairs which will be satisfactory
70 a, Washington bureaucracy2
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
A ASerious Situation.

Something must be done to guarantee
a greater degree of protection to pc
destrians upon the streets of Washing
ton at night.
The situation is a serious one. The
responsibility fo- present conditions
and the remedy for the future lies at
the door of Congress. Last year the
police force was reduced, and there is
no indication that there is to be a
change in the programme this year. not
withstanding the fact that some sections
of the city are painfully lacking in po-
lice protection. An opportunity is af-
forded, therefore, for our business or
ganizations. to get busy and impress
upon Congress the absolute necessity Of
giving the District larger police force
If economy be necessary. let il be eX-
erciscd in other directions than depriv-
ing the citizens OF Washington of the
security to which they are entitled.
In the meantime, the Commissioners
should give earnest attention to the
problem of preserving peace and order.
Perhaps there are details of policemen
which can be temporarily abolished, or
perhaps some members of the bicycle
brigade might be assigned to patrol
duty Certainly something must be
done. and done quickly, to bring an end
TO these frequently recurring assaults
which make the streets of Washington
unsafe at night.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
Polite Conductor.

FrUJn the New YoTk Press.
Nick LOngworth was saying the other
day that the country is getting too much
overrun with people who take themselves
seriously. And speaking of folk who take
themselves seriously. Nick related this
one:
There was well-known character in
Cincinnati named Dan Kelly. who work
ed as conductor on a street car Among
the people who rode on that line oC-
CasionalIy was a fashionable woman, the
wife OF prominent citizen. She
thought her name was one to conture
with. 10 say nothing of making men
kowtOw at the very mention OF II. One
day this woman became greatly peeved
because the car was not stopped at the
side of the street where she desired to
get or. She asked the conductor If n"
would not have the car backed up so
that she would not need to walk across
the street in the slush. He told her he'd
like to oblige and all that, but It was
against the rules.
Why exclaimed the woman in a
It tone, I'm Mrs. So
and-So."
My names Dan Kelly" said the con-
ductor, lifting his cap Portely. I'm
glad to meet you"
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
STA TESMEN-REAL AND NEAR
By FRED C. KELLY

Mayor Shank of Indianapolis received
call one afternoon from a brace OF
women reformers who desired for him to
shut down on vice right anyway.
do you think It can be done?' asked
Shank. pleasantly.
Indeed, yes" said the women folks.
"Oh, very well," said Shank. You
just take charge here for a couple Of
days and do as you like. I'll back you up
in whatever You do. I'm going over to
Dayton to make a speech and I've got to
hurry to my train right now. Good
by"
And he rushed out. leaving the women
standing in his Office In heaps and heaps
of astonishment.
NJ Clyde Kelly, the twenty -nine-year-
old youngster who beat John Dalzell, OF
Pittsburg, for Congress, has had one
tough time after another trying to make
headway in the world. His father ran n
little general store at Bloomfield. Ohio.
and when young Kelly got old enough to
know the different denominations Of
money. he conceived an ambition to ac-
quire some of his own by the buying and
selling of merchandise. He worked at
odd Jobs until he had amassed the sum
of twenty cents and then invested his
entire fortune in candy at wholesale
DrlCeS- IHy Dy udy ne put MS ptHIito
away in the little money box inside the
candy case. He reinvested in new stock
once or twice and began to look forward
to the day when he would have a dollar
OF his own and retire from business TO
enjoy the fruits OF his labors. Finally
he got up to 81 cents and the day ar
rived when he expected to reach the
dollar mark That very day the young
ster's entire capital disappeared. Some
body had dropped in and pleasantly taken
IL.
Just a few years later, Kelly got a
chance to acquire great riches without
the annoying delays that are so often
met with. He and another college stu
dent had been cut selling books-that Is,
they had been out offering books for sale
by house to house canvass. Their idea
was to carry literature to even the
humblest home. But nobody bought.
great many prospective customers alleg-
ing that they had not read all the books
they already had. As a few OF these
were buying encyclopedias on the INSTALL
ment plan, Kelly and his friend saw lit
tie hope They abandoned the book
business and began to read the news
paper want ads for lifetime opportunities.
II was not necessary to read far TIL they
saw Just what they were looking Tor.
typewriter concern advertised that
they bought circular letters written on
their machines by purchasers, as a means
Of pushing their business. Easy money.
was the heading TO the ad. and the line
appealed strongly 10 Kelly and his COM
panion. They wrote for a sample OF the
letter they were to prepare and found
that they could easily make = or -
a day without working any TO speak OF
At all, which seemed like a sensible prop
osition. True. they had 10 buy type
writer. but II cost only $3.50. 1t was
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
COURT GOSSIP ON SUBJECTS
OF GREAT GENERAL INTEREST

nose and a very sweet mouth. with fine
teeth. The charm of his cnuntenanc.s is
his expression. which is deIightful-fun
Of kindness and sweetness and very
clever and intelligent"
Three years after her first meeting with
Prince Albert in July. 1853. she records
conversation with Melbourne. her prime
minister:
Talked of my cousins Ernest and Al
bert coming over. I mean my having no
great wish to see Albert, as the whole
subject was an odious one and one which
! hated to decide about. There was no
engagement between US, l said, but that
the young man was aware that there
was the possibility OF such a union-I
said I wished, If possible. never to
marry-I don't know about that he re-
piled"
The queen. however, changed her mind;
for when, shortly afterward, Prince AL
bert visited London. she was agreeably
surprised 10 find that the hero OF her
eirlish admiration had in no way changed
There is no doubt that this second meet
ing with Prince Albert aroused an admi-
ration akin to love, for the next day we
f'nd her again paying tribute to his per-
sonal attractions. Albert is really quite
Charming, she wrote. and so eXces-
sively handsome-such beautiful blue
eyes, an exquisite nose. and such A pretty
mouth, with delicate moustachios and
slight. very slight. whiskers; a beautifui
figure broad in the shoulders. and fine
waist Demonstrating that she was a
woman and in love.
Two days later She had decided to
marry. but how to bring about the COM
mutation OF her desire in that direction
was problem which perpleXed her not a
little, judging from her remarks to Lord
Melbourne when she talked the matter
over with him. She thus relates the Incl
dent in her diary: After a little pause
said to Lord Melbourne that had made
up my mind. You have?' he said. We'll.
then aboCt the time? Not for a year I
replied, which he said was too long. Then
asked if had better tell Albert of my
decision. in which the lord agreed. How
asked. for in general such things were
done the other way. which made Mel
bourne laugh"
How the proposal was made has been
related above That a deep attachment
existed between queen Victoria and the
man she had chosen as cOnsort is evident
from her rhapsOdies over the perfection
Of her future husband. Il sat on the sofa
with dearest Albert" she writes Il play
ed two games OF tactics with dear Albert
and two of fox and geese. Sat Up until
twenty minutes past eleven-a delightful
evening. l feel the happiest of human be-
iugs."
And after describing the wedding Cere-
mOny in her diary. she wrote: Dear, 81
Albert came UP to fetch me down stairs.
where We took leave Of mamma and
drove off, I and my 'Liebchen.' Albert
alone" FI.ANEUE.
Copyright. 1918. BY COurt Gossip syndcatcl
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
HOW TO BE An ACTOR.

When Garrick's art was called sublime,
II was a settled fact,
A rule accepted by the time. that actors
had to act.
Dramatic talent won the day and was
the only gauge;
You couldn't uppercut your way to fame
upon the stage.
But now we have our lightweight stars,
who strut to nightly fame
The champion at steering cars is like
wise in the game.
The dame who shoots folks makes her
bow and earns a goodly wage:
\ bridge jump or divorce suit now will
get you on the stage.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
PERTINENT AND IMPERTNENT.

Prom the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Another reason for the high cost OF
living is that dinner used to begin with
prayers instead Of cocktails.
Frm the Chicago Tribune.
Castro can go back to Europe, disguise
himself a black handler. and he will
have little or no trouble in efTecting
an entrance when he comes again to the
United States.
From the st. PaSI DisTntrh.
The Des MOines Capital asserts that
Iowa had rather raise pigs than prize
fighters any old day" 1t should ad-
init, however. Il does take much pride
in some of its corn-fed wrestlers.
Frum the PittsbuIrs Gazette Times.
Well. the first day OF 1878 was all right.
and there are only 3GI more to account
Tor. Things are looking up.
Prom tie New York Tribune.
The carving of the European Turkey
takes long time, but it is likely to
he thoroughly done.
Prom the Boston Herald
DIR. Chapel. who prescribed the silent
treatment for William Rockefeller,
could not wish a more compliant pa
tient.
Prom the Indianapolis star
Now that Uncle YIN Hill has dis
covered how to double all the grain crops
Of the country. there is nothing left for
the grain growers to do but to double
them.
Prom the Philadelphia Inquirer.
Still, We haven't heard any protest
from Venezuela on the subject Of Cas-
tro's treatment in this country.
From the Louisville COurier-JUunsl
One of the heaviest duties of an Amer
lean President-elect is to be photo
graphed about seventeen times a day.
From the Syracuse Post-StAndard.
On October 20 the time had elapsed
before which HObsOn was going to have
war with Japan. A fire-eater who can't
bring on a war in twenty months ought
to be discharged.
From the st. Louis Republc.
In Independence, Kan. the other day
the authorities poured $4,000 worth of
contrsband drinkables into the ditch.
The soul OF Carrie Nation is also
marching on.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19

about the size of an alarm clock and
the printing arrangement was little
rubber wheel with the letters stuck on
underneath. One turned this wheel
around to the desired letter and then
pressed down firmly.
The two enterprising young men
worked diligently for two days and a
half. but never succeeded In getting a
letter finished.
Later on young Kelly started a news
paper at Braddock. Pa. He was endeav-
oring TO build up circulation by writing
things up in bright, readable fashion,
with lots of adjectives. One day he had
a fine chance to show what he could do
with an hours time and little Ian
guage. A colored man. new to those
parts. had come to town and made his
presence felt right from the start by
beating up nearly everybody of his
own race in town. He became known as
the Alabama Bad Man"
Kelly described the newcomers char
acter. appearance. and quaint disposi-
tion with considerable detail. That night.
while seated alone in his office. the door
opened and there stood a caller. 1t was
the Alabama Bad Man" He had the
paper all folded. with the write-up of
himself on the outside. the way q man
always does when coming to a news
paper Office with a kick.
rs y'all tn writah on this ere papah -
asked the murderous looking stranger.
Kelly admitted he was. and wondered
which undertaken would take care of
him.
Then ] want y'all to read me this
piece" directed the caller. II cain't read
mahset."
Kelly read It. fiuttering lightly over the
more clever passages where the adjec-
tives lay thlckest. When the reading was
finished the bad man held out his hand.
fine piece. and / suttinly thanks y'all."
And proudly he walked out.
Postmaster General Hitchcock loses all
track OF time when he gets interested in
a problem before him. He got to work.
ing on a proposition relating to the new
parcel post, at his Office one night,
assisted by his secretary. until toward
midnight. Then he looked up long
enough to bid his secretary to go on
home. He said he would stay a few
minutes longer to write couple OF let
ters. When the Secretary came to the
office the next morning. he met Hitch
cock just starting home.
Col. George w. Goethals. chief Of the
Panama Canal job, sets aside Sunday
morning TO receive complaints Of what
ever nature or description about the
working organization in the canal zone.
These kicks take almost every conceiv-
able form. but the most surprising. so
Goethals says. was that OF a woman.
the wife OF an engineer She said the
government dentist who did some work
for her was needlessly shy on modern
painless methods, and she wanted TO see
him discharged.
Copyright, 1913. by Fred e Kelly. All rights re
srrTed.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
THE BALL-FR0M ALL ANGLES.
DEMOCRACH!

The great Inauguration hall
With music flowers. and lofty hall
Where rich ard poor and short and tall
Shall come and go at beck and call.
And citizens Of this great land.
With truth and love and heart and hand
Shall laugh and dance and take their stand
With festive joy in full command.
The people mnst be true and free
On mount and vale. on stream or sea,
To own their halls and dance in glee
While moving to eternity.
Then. through the years. well laugh and sing
With love and music On the wing
And ie1yels and bright eyes the thing
For people. President, or King!
JOHN A. JOYCE.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
the ..Father of Waters

From the Memphis Commerrial-Ap Appeal
The problem of controlling the floods
OF the Mississippi River Is the biggest
issue before the people OF the Mississippi
Valley.
Every political party has made a gen.
eral declaration for this. Our members
of Congress, however. have been busily
engaged in other matters ana no gen
eral plan of Ievee improvement has been
agreed upon
1t is the duty OF the United States
government TO keep the thirty-two States
drained by the Mississippi River from
dumping surplus water on Arkansas,
Tennessee. Mississippi. and Louisiana.
We hope that at the beginning of the
next session of Congress a logical plan
will be worked out that will result in
controlling the flood for many years to
come and that our lawmakers will give
IL sanction and money.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
President or Dictator!


The result of Fridays election in the
French Republic is gratifying. No bet
ter choice could have been made by
the Versailles Assembly for President
than Raymond Poincare, the present
very successful Premier In short, his
election would be guarantee OF con-
tinued peace between the two hot
headed and bellicose nations on each
shore of the Rhine, but for one thing
The question has been asked why
man, comparatively young in years
(fifty-two), and in the zenith OF his
career, should consent to accept po-
sition which, though dignihed. con-
signs the incumbent practically to po-
litical obscuriy at the end of his term:
A French President has little au-
thority in civil affairs, having neither
appointing nor veto power. He does
not even select the members OF his
Cabinet. for the ministers are the rep
resentatives of the majority OF the day
in the Chamber of Deputies 1t is
they who legalize the acts of Parlis
ment by their signatures. The PrCsi
dent merely countersigns them. He is
the official fgurehead. drawing the
enormous salary OF I2,5oo.ooo francs
(about S5oo,ooo) and in return gracing
official banquets and functions with his
presence There have been instances
of a President of France visiting
friendly nations and exchanging ami
abilities with foreign rulers; but though
constitutionally he has the right to ne
gotiate and ratify treaties, this hereto
fore invariably has been done by the
foreign ministers.
The answer to the question why NJ.
Poincare should be content with be-
coming fgurehead is that he evidently
intends to avail himself to the fullest
extent Of his constitutional prerogatives
and direct the international relations
of the republic in person.
We pointed out, at the time when NJ.
Poincare's candidacy first was broached,
that he means not only to hold the in
ternational destinies of France in his
own hands, but that he has vastly more
far-reaching plans What we mean is
this: The only absolute power vested
in the French President is the right
to make military appointments, unfet-
tered by any check on the part OF the
Senate. He may, if he so chooses. re-
tire or remove the commander-in-chief
Of the forces and take personal and
active command
In whose interest? This is what puz-
zles all political factions Is it to
strengthen the republic? Is'it for either
the Legitirnists or Bonapartists? Will
he arouse the restive war spirit, slum-
bering on volcano? Or will he follow
the maxim of his illustrious national
foe, the Kaiser, who ceaselessly per-
fects his armies in order to be assured
of lasting peace? Only time will tell
From social point of view, the
Elysee Palace also will undergo
marked change. In recent years it has
been dull sort of executive residence:
but Nine Poincare, according to Paris
papers, has strong social inclinations,
and her husband is said to second her
efforts 1t will be brilliant Elysee
during the Poincare regime Does this
expected brilliancy point to the ultra
feudal Foubourg ST. Ccrmainl
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
WASHINGTON'S WELCOME
tn PRESIDENT WILSON

Ring. ring the greetings ringl
We do not hail a king;
But ioyfulfy We sing,
All hail this this glorious day
For our beloved Americal
With banners and with voice.
In gladness we rejoice.
In thee. the peoples choice.
10y to this glorious land
That thou will take command.
Thee Woodrow Wilson. we hail:
Thy lead could never fail
Thou made thy opponents quail.
Now in rejoicing We bow,
Whilst glory Crowns thy brow.
Ring. ring the welcome ring
Calm and poised as eagle wing
Thou art our more than king.
With one acclaim and voice.
We welcome the Peoples choice.
GEORGE q TANNER
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
INAUGURATION.

Well have no grand inaugural hail
Or sign of demonstration;
No Gaby glide or turkey trot
At Wilson's Inauguration.
He does not wish carriage ride
Through streets fostOoned with flowers.
4 motorcycle suits him best.
Despite the March-like showers.
Il. II. W.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
4 Hum One

4 poet has a dreadful time,
That much Is certain.
It's very hard to find a rhyme
For 1918.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
january 10 In History

January 70, l65l-Mr. Pepys gets tired
OF keeping diary and throws the
volume into the Thames.
January 49, lJS9-William Shakespeare
gets his dining-roOm papered. These lit
tie items about the great are really in
teresting.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
Parcel Post

Darn it all. the postman missed me
this morning"
Did you expect an important letter"
II expected a ton of coal"
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
Newer Mysteries

We presume that the postmistress who
used to read the postal cards is now
shifting the butter that passes through
by parcel post.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
HYPOCRISY
ny GEORGE FITCH.
Author Of "At Good old sfwash..

good as it tries to be. The man who
yells for the enforcement OF the laws
Is a despicable creature because, most
likely, he Is breaking some laws himself
Therefore, we have only one virtue left
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
4 Clothes Horse

Il hear your wife took blue ribbon
at the horse show.
Yep; first prize in hobble gowns.
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
Turbulent Tenants

a local landlord has named his apart
ment house The Balkans"
WHY that name?''
He declares it gives him nothing but
trouble"
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19

1T can Be easily proven that three years ago he
took q drink"
vice. Vice is honest, frank and un-
ashamed and should be honored for it.
And the lawbreaker who calmly pro-
claims the fact and then buys the jury
in a broad-minded and public manner.
paying spot cash and not cheating any
body Is our only true nobIeman
Hypocrisy is the curse of the nation.
and Will be until We learn not to be
afraid Of IL.
Copyright. 1913. by George Mathew Adans)
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19
Passed Around

TN never write to a college girl
again.
why not?'
''Oh, nothing much. | have just
learned that 200 of her classmates read
my letters regularly
The Washington herald., 1913-01-19

Woodrow Wilson continues to con-
duct himself with commendablc dignity
and common sense. He is acting as
the American people like a man to
act who has been suddenly elevated
to power and invested with great re-
sponsibilities. He has not been swept
off his feet He has demonstrated, too,
that he can keep his own counSeis No
body has yet been able to definitely
designate any member OF his Cabinet
He has not INDUCED in any bombastic
promises, and he is tactfully seeking
the advice and cooperation of men
who were prominent in Democratic
councils when he was still a college
professor.
He has made two bids for popular
favor. In his recent Chicago speech
he made a plea for the business man
OF small capital, of whom there are
many millions. He must know, of
course, that the ability to develop great
commercial enterprises is neither to be
bestowed nor taken away by admins
trations or laws. Men like the late
Mark Hanna could not remain grocery
clerks. no matter what laws might be
passed or what the courts might say.
So long as human nature remains I'M
changed there will be captains of in
dustry and privates in the ranks. The
captains are few and the privates are
many. and when Mr. Wilson declares
that the latter shall not be imposed
upon, there is no question that he
makes friends with the multitude. How
far he will be able to restrain the ac-
tivities of the one or supply the de-
ficiencies of the other is another ques-
ton Suffice it to say that his plea for
fair play strikes a responsive chord.
If the future can be judged from
the present, therefore, Mr.. Wilson will
make a popular President. He is GER
tainly beginning right. There are more
factors in his political future, however,
than his personal popularity. 1t is not
what he does, but what his party does
that will determine the outcome of the
next Presidential election. The record
of that party is yet to be made. First
of all, the tariff must be revised with
out injury to American industry Pros
perity must continue, and labor must
be given steady employment at re-
munerative wages. Homo msnufac-