davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1913-11-14

w. J.. Clarke of Grand Forks is In
the city on business.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1913-11-14
ON BUSINESS

Mrs. H. G. Peterson Of Driscoll
in the city.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1913-11-14

VISITING PARENTS.
C. z. Morris of Miles City is visit
ing his parents in Bismarck.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1913-11-14
City New.
FROM pRlscoLL.

FROM pRlscoLL.
Mrs. H. G. Peterson of Driscoll is
In the city.
ON BUSINESS.
Oscar F. Olson Of Ryder Is in the
city OH business.
OLSEN HERE.
G. A. Olsen Of Russo is in the capital
city on business.
ON BUSINESS.
o. A. Siversen of Braddock is in
the city on business.
FROM GRAND FORKS.
w. j. Clarke of Grand Forks is In
the city on business.
IN OLIVER COUNTY.
Mrs. w. v. Kiebert is visiting
friends in Oliver county.
CLARK RETURNED.
Sam Clark returned yesterday from
an extended trip in the east.
vlSITJN1 pAneN =.
G.. Il. Morris of Miles City Is visit
ing his parents in Bismarck.
FROM DRlscoLl.
James Garrison a farmer from Dris-
coll, j. in the city On business.
VISITING HERE.
H "A. Mutchler of Arena IS spend.
ing a couple Of days in Bismarck.
SEEING FRIENDS.
A. o. Espeseth, a farmer OF Barrow,
is in the city calling on old friends. .
From Mckenzie.
John Hawks, a farmer from Nc
Kenzie, is in the city on business.
EASTERN STAR DANCE.
The Eastern Star will give a dane.
ing party in the Masonic hall tonight.
IN MINNEAPOLIS,
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01
Let Us Talk 1t
Over

Well, dear sinner friends, his II
The Fool Killer. 80
How does it set on your stomach!
II you like it, you can get more at
headquarters.
The Fool-Killer is not even a forty
Eleventh cousin to any other paper on
earth.
It stands in a class by itself, n
its field is as broad as the English
language.
This paper wears no bell, muzzle,
collar mol halter.
You can put that down to start with.
I am the fellow who works at the
pump-handle on this pungent period
ical of thrilling thought. I print only
what 1 write; I write only what l
think; and I think what I doggon
please.
] own. this entire establishment,
and Rockefeller isn't rich enough to
buy one share Of it.
Does that sound strange?
Well, bless your soul, [ am a great
deal richer than old John.
I never travelled any to speak OF,
but I have read a great deal, and have
thunk some.
j udN0 d1SO VIII O. LOW OOOA0 Ian
I know are great, because they don't
sell worth a cent.
Great books never do.
And then I started The Fool-Killer,
Just to quiet my nerves and keep the
old press from getting rusty.
From the seclusion of these wooded
hills there will go forth each month
O. bundle of literary dynamite that
will shake the rotten foundations OF
society and cause the Church Of Nam
mon to at least turn over in its sleep.
The Fool-Killer is a monthly mus
tRrd-plaster for the blood-boils OF
fIociety, Church and State.
It is sailed with wit, peppered with
Lumor and seasoned with sarcasm.
Every line cuts like a whip, and
Gvery word raises a blister.
II you are a fool you had better not
subscribe for The Fool-Killer. II
you are wise o will. And 80 that
Gettles it.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

AS a further proof that it is i'm
possible to please everybody, Isee
where some kind Of a French fe-
male thing is advocating a "baby
taxi while Roosevelt would like
to grant all mothers a graduated
pension and vote of thanks. Who
is right? Are there too many
babies, or not enough? Hanged if ]
can answer it! Can you? But speak
ing of a baby-tax, it always seem
ed to me that the arrival of a new
baby was both the tax and the
receipt. It does seem, however,
that the distribution of the kid
business is all out of whack. They
all come and put up at Poverty
Flats where they can't be half
raised, while the palatial homes OF
the rich are childless. But there is
where the poodle dog has his in.
ming, and that's some help-tc
the dog!
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01
BRING THEM IN.

Howdy, brethren and sistren!
How do you all come on this fine
morning? It has been a whole long
month since I pulled your latch
string and scraped my brogans on
your doorstep, and I was getting
awful anxious to see you again. I
am your preacher, you know, and
I'm plum doggon proud of my
congregation. I am preaching to
100, 900 of you this month. Just
think what a crowd that would be
if you we're all together. I have
never seen your faces, and of
course | never will, but we are
friends just the. same. [ feel a
personal interest in every one of
you, and I want you to feel the
same way toward me. | am doing
my bestto give you some jimdandy
good preaching. If you like the
way I spoon out the hot truck,
please invite all your friends to
come to our meetin'. Pew rent is
only fifteen cents a year if as many
as five will come in together. We
are going to have a regular revival
from now on, and the mourner's
bench will be crowded all the
time. Every service will be worth
a dollar. So please show this paper
to all your neighbors and friends
and invite them to our Fool-Killer
meetin'. If. they try to make
excuses, just grab them by the
coat-tail and bring EN- along any
how.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

Lee S. Overman, a u. S. Sen
ator from North Carolina, is
quoted as saying that W. Henry
Davis, editor of The Hornet, is
personally known to him to be "a
clever gentleman, with fine abili-
ty, and exceedingly Industrious. -
Well, what of that? A thief can
be. "clever;;" a grand rascal can
have liability" and we all know
that the devil is Exceedingly
industrious.' Make another pass
at it, Mister Senator.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

The inventive genius of modern
man is doing wonders, and it
could do still greater wonders fit
had a better chance. Society could
be re-organized along lines that
would give every human being a
gracious plenty of the good things
of life; but the Internal hoggish-
ness of the privileged class"
entrenched. behind breastworks of
gold will not allow it to be done.
Oh, the craven cussedness of
criminal wealth!
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01
Hadn't we better let Mexico
alone until we get New York
subdued? Huh?

The Roman Catholics tell US
that Saint Peter was the first pope
of the Roman Catholic church.
Then it's a clear case that Peter
wasn't as pulled up over his job
as the present pope, or he would
have said something about it.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

Jewels valued at $75, 600 were
recently stolen from the home of
G. G. Rumsey at Narragansett. I
just dare any old thief to attempt
such a trick as that at my house.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

Lord, I care not for riches,
neither silver nor gold," sang the
fair lady in the church choir. But
all the time she took care to
stand where the light could reflect
on her gold watch and diamond
necklace.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

If you want to read some of the
richest burlesque and keenest
satire you ever saw. just keep a
skinned eye on The Fool Killer
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

I want to get a letter right plum
quick from every person who reads
these lines, and l want each letter
to contain a whopping big club.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

At the present rate, Woodrow's
low-cost-of living is due to reach
us about the time that old Aunt
Sindy gets to be- a little girl.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01
Another Romish Devil Caught.

Miller cues W PAO00 on0 N~AAJ
papers contain a blood-curdling
account of the awful crime of
another Romish hellian, and his
capture by the police of New
York.
Rev. Hans Schmidt, a Roman
Catholic priest. is the william of
this true story. A priest can't
marry, you know, but this buck
''fell in love- with a servant girl
and went through the operation
of marrying her to himself in
secret, acting as both priest and
bridegroom.
Thus they secretly lived to-
gether in secret marriage" and
after awhile it developed that the
wife" would soon become a
neither. All of a sudden it occurred
to Mister Priest that if his Sc
crets'' kept on multiplying that
way they would begin to leak out
before long and would be sure to
get him into trouble. The girl
must be disposed Of at once. |
don't know why he didn't hide
her in a convent like they usually
do in such cases, unless he
thought that would be too mild a
crime to satisfy his blood thirsty
nature.
Anyway, the upshot of it all
was that this "holy man of Cod"
slipped into the bedroom where
the girl he loved" CD was a.
sleep and prayerfully socked a
butcher knife through her trust
ing heart.
In his confession he tells how
he toted the dead girl to the bath
room, placed her in the bath-tub,
and cut her to pieces with the
butcher knife and a saw. After
which he wrapped up the pieces
in bed-clothes, struggled them to
the river and dropped them in.
Then with a sigh of relief, the
holy man went back to his
church to hear confessions and
forgive sins! Oh, the devil! Why
WILL civilized people allow such
a hellish system to exist among
them?
But there is another chapter to
the story. Some Of the pieces of
the dismembered girl were found
in the river, and the murder was
traced by detectives right to the
door Of Saint Joseph's Roman
Catholic church, and Rev"
Hans Schmidt, seeing that the iie
was up with him, made a full
confession of the whole bloody
crime.
There is your wolf with the
sleeps clothing removed. Look
at it. This is not an isolated case.
Hans Schmidt is part Of a diabol-
lcal system that carries on such
work as a regular business.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

Amt it awful funny to think
about how dearly the dog does
love the rabbit? Say, Rube, the
silk-hatted plute loves you just
like that.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

Canada is usually a pretty cold
country, but they have been
having a Thaw up there for the
past few weeks. Slush!
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

If all the men and women in the
world were put together into just
one big man and woman wouldn't
there be two of the torn-down-est
big fools!
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

In sending in subscriptions to
this paper, please state whether
they are renewals or new subs.
Don't forget this.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

Has Wilson's low-cost-of-living
hit you yet?
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01
TAKE NOTICE!

Do not send postage stamps on sub
Scription.
Remittances should be made by
registered letter, express or postohce
money order.
Be careful to write your own name
and address plainly, and direct all
letters and make all orders payable
TO:
THE FOOL.KILLER,
l[oravian Falls, North Carolina.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

If you love your neighbor the hest
way to prove it is to take his sub
scription to The Fool-Ki1ler.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

A mans will power is helpless
when it, butts up against a wo-
mans won't power.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

Tammany seems to think
Governor Bromo Sulzer is pretty
bad medicine.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

If two governors can't manage
little old New York, why in the
dickens don't they appoint a few
more?
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01

Entered as second class matter
March 80, 1910. at the postohce at
Moravian Falls, N. c., under the act
OF March 8, 1879.
The fool-killer., 1913-09-01
EDITORIALS.


Has Wilson's low-cost-of-living
hit you yet?
A mans will power is helpless
when it, butts up against a wo-
mans won't power.
Tammany seems to think
Governor Bromo Sulzer is pretty
bad medicine.
If two governors can't manage
little old New York, why in the
dickens don't they appoint a few
more?
In sending in subscriptions to
this paper, please state whether
they are renewals or new subs.
Don't forget this.
Canada is usually a pretty cold
country, but they have been
having a Thaw up there for the
past few weeks. Slush!
At the present rate, Woodrow's
low-cost-of-living is due to reach
us about the time that old Aunt
Sindy gets to be- a little girl.
I want to get a letter right plum
quick from every person who reads
these lines, and | want each letter
to contain a whopping big club.
If you want to read some of the
richest burlesque and keenest
satire you ever saw. just keep 8
skinned eye on The Fool Killer.
If all the men and women in the
---VI
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-08-28
CHARLTON AT NAPLES

Naples, Aug. 29.-Italian officials
took Porter Charlton off the boat this
afternoon and prepared to leave by
train for Lake Como, where he will
stand trial for the murder of his wife.
Former Deputy Camera, chief
counsel for Charlton, says that
Charlton's own story before the jury
wei rival that OF Evelyn Nesbit Thaw
and will in itself be sufficient to ac-
quit him.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-08-28
INDIANA STRIKE OVER

INDIANA STRIKE OVER
Indianapolis, lno., Aug. 28.-The
strike on ,Indiana's interurban lines,
which went into effect last Saturday,
was practically over today, all the
mOtOrmen and conductors, with the
exception of a score at Columbus,
Ind, having resumed their old places
at the same wage scale.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-08-28
,NOTHER- JOLT FoR Hearst

MOTHER JOLT FOR HEARST
The South Chicago Trades and
Labor Assembly has fallen in line
with the other labor organizations
and adopted resolutions cOndemning
Hearst and the special trades edi-
ton, engineered by Simon O'DOnnel.
The Cigar Packers Union, Local
227, after calling attention to the
"glaring inconsistency Of a scab pub
LEGATION putting out a special labor
edition" passed the following resOlu-
ton:
Resolved, That Cigar Packers
Union, Local 227, concur in the pro-
test Of the Web Freshmen and the
Chicago Federation of Labor against
the Chicago American and Examiner
publishing special labor edition"
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-08-28

LADY RAFFLES IN AGAIN
Lillian Mcdowell, the lady RaffIes,
who sprang into notoriety several
years ago when she robbed the
home of Ira J. Mix, is again under
arrest.
She was taken into custody by Of
ficers of the detective bureau and will
be held pending information from
Toledo, where she is wanted in con-
nection with a $4,000 robbery.
The Mcdowell woman served time
in Joliet for the Mix burglary.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-08-28
o'HARA PLAYS SAFE ON THE
N. Y. GOVERNOR MESS

N. Y. GOVERNOR MESS
Springfield, Ill.,, Aug. 2s.-By adj
dressing envelope and requisitiOn to
'The Governor of New York" Act
ing-Gov. O'HaTa sidestepped de-
cision on who is governor Of New
York when he issued requisition for
the eXtraditiOn of Hans Ohio AlbeTs,
held in New York for the Chicago
police charged with alleged forgery
of check for $3.50. The pOstofice
authorities will have to decide to
whom to deliver the requisition.
O'Hara recently refused to recog-
nize Martin Glynn as acting COVER
nor, calling Glynn an usuTper.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-18
A Legend

A RICH man was lying on his
~ deathbed. All his life he had
been an avaricious miser and
had gathered enormous riches.
Money is the only thing that il
worth anything" he always said when
people reprOaChed him, and now, as
death was approaching, he thought:
"Of course, it is just the same in
Heaven. Money is everything there,
too. l must take my money with
me"
He called his children together and
said: My last wish is that-that You
will fill my coffin with gold. Put in
all It will hold"
That night he died, and his children
did as he had asked them to.
The dead man entered the next
world. where he had to go through
the usual sOrmalities. He had to
answer many questions and his name
was entered in many big books. The
day was nearly over when they fin
ished and he felt dreadfulIy hungry.
This will never do" he said to
himself. Il must get something to
eat"
And he discovered counter full OF
many kinds OF delicious food.
Il can get A good meal here" he
thought. How fortunate l brought
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-18
. . The Manicure [. LADY, o o
By WILLIAM F. KIRK.

HAD scrap with the white serv-
ant girl this morning" said the
Manicure Lady. II try to be nice
and calm, usually. George. but that new
servant Of mine has sure got nv goat
l can see why mother keeps her, but
mother is getting along in years, and I
nate to do anything to cross her"
What's the matter with the serv-
snt?' asked the Head Barber.
Oh She thinks she Is Intellectual"
said the Manicure Lady. Imagine II.
George; a intelligent servant, when
she don't know how to fry eggs with
out burning them. Anybody that can't
cook wet thing like a egg without
burning It amt got no intellect. and
that's all there Is TO that argument
THE other day she had the mendacitv
TO correct me on my English was
telling mother that l had took a car
ride the other night, and the servant
up and says, You mustn't say YOU have
took car ride, you should saw Won have
taken a car ride l tried to tell the
poor simp that 1 had took the ride.
and that there was no taken about II.
out she got thick and said something
about my early education, and I fixes
her then with one OF my regal stares
or naughty disdainment, and intimates
kind of strong that I might hop my demi
tasse on her intellectual forehead, after
which she sort Of draws in her horns.
don't claim that I know the whole die
uonary, George, but if l do say it my
SELF 1 have strung more words together,
and does IT more graceful, than she ever
done ii. and even if she could talk as
good as l can, she ought to take our
relative stations in life into considera-
ton, don't you think?
THE trouble with white servants now
adays. George, is that they read too
many OF Mister Chambers's novels and
study the cook book too little. A girl
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-18
4 NoUeL Short Story Complete

money with me" His purse was
heavy with gold coins
How much is that" he asked,
pointing to a small dried fish
"A nickel" the man replied
That is cheap enough the rich
man thought.
And that?" he asked. pointing TO
a delicious pie.
"A nickel" the man replied with
smile. evidently amused to see the
rich mans establishment.
When things are that cheap" said
the rich man, condescendingly, you
might give me two portions Of fish
and two of those pies"
The man did not move.
You must pay in advance" he said
Certainly" said the rich man. and
handed him twenty dollar piece.
That is no nickel" said the man,
sternly. And. calling two walters
added: Throw that man out"
The rich man was furious when he
found himself outside.
What a foolish arrangement" he
muttered. They accept only nickels
here. l must get some change"
He hurried back to earth and re-
vealed himself to his children in a
dream.
Take back your gold" he said
Il can not use il here. Give me a big
bag of nickels or l shall starve to
death"
The Mortified children took the gold
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-18
Reform Yourself First
BY BEATRICE FAIRFAX.

a YOUNG MAN writes: IT am m
~ love with young girl. and have
requested her not to dance the
turkey trot, bunny hug or niggers out
side OF her home, as my contention Is
that they are not At dances for young
girl 10 participate IN. I dance them
myself together with similar numbers
My friend says she sees no harm IN
the dances l have named when you
know with whom You are dancing My
opinion is to the contrary I want her
70 be more dignihed"
There is an old story that a man once
suggested 10 his wife that each write a
list OF the Others faults, 10 be opened
and read at the end Of the week. She
agreed.
When the end Of the week came, he
handed her a bulky envelope. She
opened It, and It contained a long list
Of all her sins and shortcomings, from
her choice OF reading to the manner in
which she hung out the dishcloth. and
OF which his mother had never approved
She looked little hurt as she read
but made no comment
lnen ne opener lne envelope sho mac
handed him.
You may have faults" he read, put
II you have. I don't SEQ them. love
you just as you are"
The story is characteristic OF the man
ner in which men and women love
She accepts him with his faults. and
says nothing. He would like to make
her over, and they are never married
50 long that he doesn't wish she were
q little more sedate, or taller. or thin
ner. or more entertaining. or better
looking, or something else. making her
over in his mental vision after every
new feminine pattern that attracts him
This young man loves the girl, BUT!
He would like her better II he could
make her over. And. maniks. ne goes
at It the wrong way.
IT can" he SAYS, and you can't
I do. but you must not do, dance
these dances. but you must not dance
them"
And she sits in her corner and sees
him seek partners for the turkey trot,
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-18

that is all the time reading about Phyl-
lis reclining idly on divSu and reply
ing archly to Lord Thickblock. can't be
expected TO set the table proper or pre-
pare spuds in the manner in which they
should be prepared in"
My wife does our Homework. and
she has got all the servants in crea-
ton beaten a block" said the Head
Barber
You must be happy man, George"
declared the Manicure Lady. Every
thing YOU get to eat tastes better thar
way and you don't have to listen to the
silly talk of no mental. This girl was
Just telling you about had the nerve
the other day to tell me that her soul
rose superior to the sordid drudgery
she done, and reached out when she
was dreaming alone. reached out for the
unretainable. or whatever she called it.
told her If she done more reaching OUT
for the broom and less reaching out for
the unretainable, we would have
cleaner living room, but she has took a
violent diversion to me, and | suppose
we will quarrel until mother sees thI
folly Of keeping her and gets a real serv-
ant
"Wilfred tried to stick up for the girl
when he heard her saying that she loved
poetry, but when he showed her one
OF his sad pieces and she laughed so
hard at it, thinking he meant it for a
comic, he froze up like a pond in New
England, and has came over to nv Wav
OF looking at things. He says that she
has the mind Of hind, whatever that
means, and between he and me l guess
we will manage TO get rid of her"
Are you going to do your own work
when you get married." asked the Head
Barber.
Not me-" said the Manicure Lady,
but l amt going to have no intelIec-
tual servant. either"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-18

the bunny hug and an the other danusA,
which insult those for whom they ara
named
The girls he dances with are nice.
respectable girls. and they are her
friends.
He says by his actions: y may, and
your friends may, but you must not"
No wonder she rebels! II she werv
as graceful on the floor a. a boy With
two wooden legs she would insist after
that declaration on getting up and trot-
ting and hugging with the worst of
them. No American woman will stand
for what he expects her to accept. He
might find somewhere in the world
little suppressed creature who has been
brought up to believe that any one in
trousers Is a lord and master, but ne
won't find such . creature in this ooun-
try.
He ia right in his contention that these
dances are vulgar. but wrong in his eff
fort to influence his sweetheart against
them.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-09-18

and filled the coffin with nickels
II have change now" cried the rich
man, as he rushed up to the counter.
Give me something to eat quickly,
I am starving"
Money in advance" said the man
dryly.
The rich man threw a handful OF
niCkels on the counter.
The man behind the counter smiled
and said:
You have not earned much while
you were living on the earth. Up
here we do not accept the money YOU
own, but only what you have given
away Search your memory. Per
haps you have sometime given some
thing to a poor man. Every nickel
you have given away is good for a
thousand nickels here"
The rich man thought. But he had
never in his life helped anybody, and
50 he found himself an outcast spirit
loaded with useless gold