davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23
TALES OF THE TOWN
You Never Can Tell What May Happen.

I And you burn ten tons Of coal through
the winter?'
| IAN Of that"
And you have it weighed at the pub
lie scales?'
You bet"
| But did you have 1t weighed up to
fiVe years ago. or ever hear Of an Inspec-
tor doing his duty?'
| NO"
This is the change that took plae..
/ and the change that Is driving me out of
this business. When a buyer ha. his
coal weighed-when an inspector calls
| twice week to test your scales
Il see- Under those circumstances you
| must give 1000 pounds for a ton.'
Exactly. and II doesn't stop there.
Your employees become So ratified that
they make it 30 pounds over most every
load You lay in a hundred tons of
coal and II nets you about ninety
I But I thought an honest coal man
was bound to succeed" remarked the in
terviewer.
They are all honest sir, and that's
the reason SO many Of them fail Where
Is my half million dollars? Gone into
overweight for my customers. Gone to
hire men to watch my scales day and
night and see that they were not tam
pered with. Gone into rebates to the
schools and asylums when they found
the coal short and were going to sue
me-"
''Oh. the coal was short, was itr'
Didn't / mention that the coal bins
were full of rats? There would be a
shortage. of course From afiuence to
almost poverty, sir. Just a few hundred
dollars to make a new start with
And you are going into-what?"
Making a corn cure. II is something
that isn't weighed. There is no shortage
or overplus. There are no inspectors.
The newspapers never get after you. II
II doesn't cure the corn il kills the buyer.
and therefore you never hear a kick.
Yes, sir-from Goals to corns, and by a
system Of strict deceit and dishonesty I
hope in time to regain all have lost.
The Tale of the PIumbcr.
Good day. sir-good day"
Nothing doing" said the plumber as
he finished counting a stack Of yellow
backs as big as his leg.
But I hear you have sold out"
"Hah to do il or go into bankruptcy"
But everybody said you were getting
rich
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23
A WESTERN PRODUCT.

had stopped over night with a Dakota
pioneer in his sod shanty, and did not
awaken in the morning until the family
were stirring about Presently I heard
the wife say to the husband.
Better wake him up, jim"
Yes"
Better take a club in with you"
Snakes about?''
81 saw two under his bed and another
crawlin' on. and mebbe he's one Of the
pertickler sort and don't like to step on
snakes"
The man came in and whacked around
and killed two serpents. and then shook
me by the shoulder and called:
Hello, you! Better turnout and let
me git at that feller what's crawled into
the hole In the wall"
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23

will it hurt your feelin's il I say he
didn't?.'
OH no, no, no, Williams was aIlus
braggin' that il the time ever cum he'd
die in the gamest sort of way. but / had
my own opinyun about him. He spueal-
ed. didn't hep
He did. He hadn't no more sand than
a rabbit He cried and took on till he
made us all tired"
That's how / thought 'twoAld be-
All brag and no sand Did he die easy?'
"Tolerable easy, believe"
Think he was goin' to a better land?"
Yes, seemed to think that way. though
he was alone in his opinyun. Anythin'
else. Stranger"
mo. I guess not AS I said. he was
my pard. but aIlus thought he'd squeal
when the rope began to choke. and I'm
sorter pleased to know / wasn't mis-
taken. No-nuthin' more. I'll Just go
back to the Bend. Much obleeged, sir.
that you hung him and much obleeged
that you went to the trouble Of plantin'
him. Good dayr'
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23
The Hare and the Tortoise.

One day as the Hare was gaIlopint
across the meadow he came upon the
Tortoise dragging his weary way along
and halted to say:
!, We'll, old 1TI6, how goes it?'
"Oh, I'm getting there" was the reply
SOS molasses."
But We can't all be Hares, you know.
Indeed, 1 sometimes think l overdo the
pace. Yesterday 1 crawled all OF ten
rods"
The Hare laughed in contempt and then
said:
I've might have a little wager if you
are game for it?''
state your case"
'It is forty miles from here to New
Haven. I'll wager you a new hat that
can get there two years and a day
ahead of you. Do you call my hand?
The Tortoise thought for moment and
then answered that he did. He was a
slick guy Of turtle, and as nothing had
been said as to how he was to reach his
destination he schemed to crawl to the
nearest water tank and enter New Haven
or the trucks of an express train.
"I believe I could make 1t three years
and then win," said the Hare, as he
started off, but two years goes. By-by,
old stick-in-the-mud"'
The Hare galloped off at the rate Of
twenty miles an hour and reached his des-
tination in two hours. He was resting
bit when he heard talk of rear-end coll
lision down the road, with many killed
and injured. and he galloped down TO
the spot to see about it.
Another engineer had failed to see the
danger signal.
More wooden coaches had been reduced
to splinters.
The coroner was promising ''the most
rigid investigation
The railroad officials were laying the
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23
THE ELEVATOR BOY
The Things to Be Avoided by Beginner.

Although I retired from the profession
OF elevating an elevator many years ago,
and have been living in luxury in the
bosom of a happy family ever since, l
still take q deep interest in the welfare
of the lad who starts out to seek fame
and fortune by conducting cage.
Thirty years ago it was supposed that
any chump Of a boy was good enough to
take charge of an elevator and repre-
sent the owners, but as the professions
OF law, medicine, and others progressed
and dignifed so did the status of the
elevator boy improve until he finally
reached the proud standing that he now
holds.
OF course there are failures in this
profession as in all others. but Mr.. Brad
street is happy to inform me that the
per cent is the lowest of any. That
means that the great majority OF boys
who take hold are determined to reach
the top. Where there are three failures
believe the cause of two OF them can
be traced to the want of good advice at
the right time.
I made several bad mistakes in my early
career, and if a word from me will pre-
vent other boys from falling into the
same pitfall shall be glad
The first time 1 was employed to take
charge Of the elevator OF an Office build
ing / made the mistake of thinking I
The agent OF the building was a Mr..
Rentum- l left the Mr.. of when I ad-
dressed him.
addressed the engineer as "old man"
poked solemn old banker in the ribs
and asked about his hollyhocks.
We had a professor OF natural history
on the sixth floor. and I called him
Prof"
My idea was to let everybody know that
l was a good fellow, and did not feel
above them because was earning 81 per
week
There was no one to tell me that was
making a fool of myself and I went on
for about ten days. Then I called at the
residence of the owner one night and
advised him as business move to build
a summer garden on the roof of our build
ing.
1 can't say what he thought Of it He
gave me the boot and l never called at
the office for the s. cents salary due me.
Don't walk into your cage with any
idea that you own any part of the build
ing or that you have come to teach the
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23

My son, my speciality was mendins
pin-hole leaks. It cost me 60 cents to
locate one. Then 1 had to use a pound
OF solder. Then pay the workman and
send in a bill for % cents. Is that get
ting rich?''
And what are you going into?'
Real estate, of course. Found a sucker
to buy me out here. have my eye on
800 acres of Long Island sand. They
will cost me about 81 a lot. Will sell for
SIPS! Better than pin-hole leaks, eh?"
But who wants to buy sand lots?'
The dear public. Own your own home.
Why pay rent? Easy terms and II you
die the lot goes to your wife free. Vir-
gin soil. Raise your own hay and oats.
Country air always on tap. Only one lot
to a buyer, and he's got to swear that
he never served a sentence in prison. Do
yoyu catch on?''
TT looks like a swindle"
Just real estate business, sir Call
again. Take your pick of corner lots and
bring five suckers. Honesty and square
dealing pays in every business but plumb
ingI'
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23

ngent. the engineer or the janitor how to
run a side show.
II the owner OF the block is not up to
date, according to your young and pro-
gTessive ideas, let him suffer for it
Don't stop your elevator between floors
to ask the man with the game leg
whether he was disabled by a kick from
a jackass or fell on the roof of a cider
mill
When got my next place was wise
enough to cut out some things, but not
enough. We had several brokers in our
building and I set out to make them my
friends. If I could do this they would
tip me of on many a good thing There
isn't a broker living who wouldn't be half
tickled to death to help the son Of a poor
widow raise the gigantic mortgage on the
woodbine cottage.
1 smiled and bowed to those brokers.
I asked after the health of their wives
and children.
I asked II they preferred bulldogs to
colIies.
1 wrote 10 my cousin in Kansas for
news Of the corn crop that I might post
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23

What have you got there?" asked Mrs
Bowser as Mr.. Bowser came home tc
dinner the other evening with a package
under his arm.
TITS not to be shown for an hour yet. y
he replied.
rs it a package of dried catnip?"
"Cat-thunder! What in blazes would
I be bringing such stuff home for? just
let it alone till 1 get ready to exhibit and
explain
As they sat at the table during the
dinner hour he chuckled many times to
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23
blame on q COW.

blame on q COW.
Also burning up the wrecked cars.
The Tortoise was among the dead.
"GeeI' exclaimed the Hare when he
found him. 'I always thought legs beat
brains, but where would I have been II
this train hadn't been wrecked by act
of God?''
MORAL.
And that's who the coroner's jury laid
it to. knowing that He was too far away
to deny it.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23

was due you as the owner OF the house
I was plundering. l could have come
with a pushcart and made a complete
haul, but I am satisfied with a fair
share. And last, but not least, 1 have
done no damage to your locks or burglar
alarm"
And you expect to be arrested and
desire me to- defend you?"
II may be arrested-yes. For your re-
tainer you will please accept your wife's
pony-skin coat, which 1 could have car
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23

what profession you followed previous
to this?"
''Oh, the law, Of course! Good night?"
Moral: There are honest lawyers, and
there are conscientious burglars.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-23

ried away, but shall not. Is there any,
thing more to be saId2'
Simply a word OF two. Let me ask
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1913-09-26
MAIL AUTO NET
GRIEF WEDNESDAY

Since installing the auto on he
mail roate John a. sutton, the
faithful mail carrier, has Travelled
something over BOO miles with
nis Ford anto aud during all his
many trips has bad little or no
trouble with bis machine. We'd
nesdsy morning. ho~ever, On his
regular trip 70 Paris be seems 20
have met grief IN : great pile for s.
had two bad blowouts which ocea-
stoned between two and three hours
delay. lie had an unusual passen-
ger list that morning there sere
seven besides himself besides con-
siderable baggage and other par
cells. A mile and ; half this side
Of Ovid, report anmistakably In
dicated the defation OF the right
hind tire, and another miles ran
after repairs resulted N ; repetition
shieh nseessilated the transfer Of
part oi The passengers 10 Paas-
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1913-09-26
FISH HAVEN NOTES.

Fish Haven, Sept. 24.-We have
very stormy weather this week, with
snow in the hills and a light fall of
''the beautiful in the valley last
night.
Ezra Howell has moved his family
to Salt Lake for the winter.
Francis Findlay will leave soon
to take up his duties as musical ms
tructor in Kicks academy at Rexburg.
On September 18th Bryant Stock of
Hams Fork and Miss Lamar Findlay
OF this place, stole a march on their
friends by going quietly TO Salt Lake
and getting married. They are now
on a honeymoon trip in the northwest.
Mrs. Mary Crook and two daugh-
ters of Smoot, are visiting with
relatives here. They will to Brigham
City after load of fruit before re-
turning home.
The farmers are rejoicing over tbs
fact that their grain is all in the stacks
and not exposed to the rain and snow
which has fallen this week. Some
hay was down and it will doubtless
be badly damaged.
Ivan Jensen of Fairview, Wyo., i
visiting 1t the home Of his sister. Mr.
Frances Loveland.
School started here on the 18th viii
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1913-09-26
Attend This Free Demonstration.

AZ the store Of Rnrtsii = Ihiel IN
this clty on Monday. Tuesday and
wednesday, sept ~ and ID aud Ocs-
there viii BE- given free dsfnonstFa-
ssaHa II the many exesllent features
~ Coles hot blast range. Whether
you are iu need Of range or not. yea
are cordially invited to visit the
store and partaks of = hot roll Aad :
cup 81 delicious coffee and ne the
same time learn Of some of the many
koozpd feature. OF the Cole hot blast
ranges and heaters
with every range sold during thu
three days demonstration IN W aes
Of enamel ware Will he given abao-
lutely free.
Remember the dates Of she demos
stratIon-nsxt Monday, Tuesday and
Wednesday.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1913-09-26
HIGHER MEAT
PRICES THIS FALL

Farm and Fireside contains in it's
current issne a page devoted To the
market outlook, on which John y.
Ross, a well known expert in ench
matters, writes in. part as follows:
"The United States Bureau of
Animal Industry has already issned
words of warning as to the threatend
exhaustion of onr own meat supply,
and has drawn attention to the fact
that the flocks and herds of the coun-
tries which We might have expected
to be able to help us out, and espe-
cially those of Argentina, are so gem
esally infected with contagious de
eases that our inspection rules, both
with respect to live animals and
dressed NESTS, will have to be rigidly
enforced. Under these circnmsta-
anoes those among us who have been
able to retain live stock, and have
feed stuffs sufficient to fatten them
for the fall and winter market are
likely to profit by what must prove
disastrous TO so many who have beer
compelled TO realize at loss. Al
this seems to point with certainty
to higher prices for all animal pro
ducts"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1913-09-26

contest may do so by coupons clipped
from The Examiner and by special
vote ballots obtained by subscribing
to the Examiner. The ballots secured
by subscribing to The Examiner may
he held as long as desired and voted
at any time up to the close of the
contest, but coupons cut from The
Examiner are good only for ten days
from the publication and will not be
counted II voted after the date printed
on the ballot.
Persons living in one district are
not confined to voting for ladies in
their own particular districts, but
may vote for any one in the race.
The offer affords the young women OF
Montpelier and vicinity an excellent
opportunity to receive valuable pre-
sents at the expense of The Examiner
Instructions for Voting.
Enter the name of the lady whom
you wish to secure one of these val
liable rewards in this contest at once.
She may win the $200in gold. Better
still, get the lady to enter her name
and then vote for her. Those who get
in on the start have the best chance
OF winning, so it is desirable that the
name be entered at once in order to
get a good start. Candidates who en-
have to be subscribers to The Exami-
ner. Enter your name and your
friends will do the rest. You Will be
surprised to see how rapidly the votes
will come in and what little effort is
necessary to win one of the awards of
fered. Get in on the start and encour-
age your friends to vote for you
The rest will be easy. You will
never know how popular you are until
you enter a contest of this kind.
After the first announcement Of
candidates the votes will be counted
every Thursday and the result printed
in the Friday issue. There will be a
short writeup In every issue of the
paper from now on until the close Of
the cntest, and those entered can
keep in close touch with the contest
competing candidates. Certain
lit is that four ladies are going to get
these magnificent rewards and 1t is
left to the readers OF The Examiner
to decide.
Early Start Half the Battle. !.
Send in your name. or the name OF
some young lady you would like to
have win one of the prizes, at once, ON
the nomination blank published In
this paper, and then let your friends
know you are in the contest to win,
or they may favor a mutual friend
who approaches them before you.
There is not an acquaintance but
what will help you to win If you
show them you are in earnest and
going to do your best. "All the
world loves a lover" but no one more
so than an ambitious young lady
and when your friends realize thai
you possess that quality, and are
going to give your competitors run
. to the finish, you yourself will bt
surprised at their readiness ant
willingness to assist and stand bach
of you. This reminds the confess
editor of a remark made to him by {
J candidate in former contest: =
] never knew people were SO kind anC
that / had so many friends until
} entered this contest" This happened
in Idaho not far from Montpelier
: and your experience will be just tn
: same when your friends are informei
that you are i'm the race and wan
8 their assistance.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1913-09-26
CAME WARDEN BARBER
ON INVESTIGATION TRIP

Washington, Sept. 23.-Mr. o.
II. Barber, State Fish and Game
Warden OF Idaho. is here on an in
vestigating trip 10 see il conditions
in Idaho cannot be improved. He
came here from Boston where he
attended the meeting OF the Nation
al association of Fish and Game
Commissioner and State Game
Wardens.
After leaving here he will visit
some of the noted hatchcries in
Pennsylvania and Wisconsin en-
route home. He il very well salts
: fed with the results of his trip and
he believes bis Investigations will
result in bettering the conditions il
Idaho as 20 both fish and game.
He is particularly inqniring into
bass, pike and pickerel for which
there is quite demand among th.
sportsmen in Idaho for stocking
purposes. The Commissioner o.
Fisheries is opposed to lhe intro
ductiOn of any Of these species int,
Idaho, contending that they wi
drive ont the native trout which i
in every way better fsb than thos
above mentioned.
/ Wisconsin has all these vaFietie
and it IL for this reason that MF
Barber has decided TO pay a VISIT 1
that state.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1913-09-26

The Montpelier Examener today
inaugurates the greatest newspaper
contest ever held in this section, as
a result of which $4,000 in Gold,
$500 Diamond Ring, $500 Pur-
chase Check, one ladies' gold watch
and other prizes will be given to the
young ladies of Montpelier and sur
rounding territory.
This is not a beauty or popularity
contestS the prizes will be awarded
solely on merit and the candidates
who devote the most time and do the
best work will be the victors. The
race is not to the strong alone, but
to the active, the vigilant, the hard
working. Any young lady can win
one of these prizes If she puts little
effort for ard during the next few
weeks.
How to Win.
Any young lady desires to en-
ter this contest and win one of the
valuable prizes offered should see
that her name is sent to the Contest
Department. All that is necessary to
win a prize is to receive the largest
number of votes, according to condt-
tions mentioned elsewhere in this an
nouncement.
Candidates should at once interest
their friends in the contest and by
united and energetic action induce as
many people as possible to vote for
them. The nomination coupon cut
from The Examener will count 1000
votes for candidate.
How Votes Are Secured.
In all cases where votes are issued
subscriptions must be paid in advance
The full amount of money must be
sent or brought to the contest depart
ment of the Mon pelier Examiner.
Vote Coupon.
A ballot good for 90 votes appears
in this paper; clip it, and send It to
The Examiner office and vote for
your favorite.
Nominations.
Any person has the priYilago OF
nominating one or more candidates
You do not have to be subscriber
to The Examiner to take part in this
contest.
All nominations should be mailed
to the contest department at once
as the list of nominations will ap-
pear in few days.
Candidates can be nominated after
this date, but it is a great advantage
to have your name In the first lis
published, 30 that your friends will
not agree to work for some one els'
before knowing who are entering th'
ccntegt.
The nomination coupons will ap
pear for a few issues, and only |
limited number of nominations will
be accepted. Cut the nomination
blank from this issue and send 1t t.
he Examiner office, with your nam
or the name and address of you
favorite candidate. A subscription
is not necessary, but a good star
means much.
The name of the person making tn
nomination will not be divuiged.
Orders for the prizes will be give
the successful contestants at the clos
of the contest, and the same may b
used by the contestant herself, or dis
posed Of in any manner she may Sc
f1t.
Any young lady residing in the tel
ritory mentioned is eligible to con
pete in this contest.
Any one who desires to vote on thi
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1913-09-26
co. TO
IMPROVE ITS PLANT

The Examiner is pleased to state
that the committee which was APP
pointed last week by Mayor Cough
to confer with the officials of the
Telephone company regarding bet
ter service in Montpelier, will have
no duties to perform, as the COM
pany had taken steps toward inn
proving the local exchange before
the committee was named.
In talking with the editor of the
Examiner last Tuesday Mr.. Bacon,
manager of the Montpelier exchange
stated that some two weeks ago an
other l00-drop switch board had
been ordered installed in the local
exchange and that it will be ready
for operation within the next three
weeke. This will enable them to
keep two operators on the local
board and one on the long distance
board, which will in a very great
measure improve conditions in the
central Office.
Mr.. Bacon also showed as a let
ter from division Plant Superin-
tendent Kline in which that Official
stated that he had recommended
extensive improvements for next
year, which will materially improve
the service and enlarge the import
ance Of the Montpelier Office.
In appears 70 be the policy of the
Mountain States company to give
the public the very best telephone
service possible, and it is improving
the system thruout the lnter-moun-
tain country as rapidly as possible.
While Mr. Bacon admits that il
is impossible to give the public any
thing like perfect service with the
present equipment, he says there
are times when neither the equip
ment nor the operators are at fault
This is especially true with thos'
who are on party lines, and as al
illustration of the way some of th'
"women folks" use the selephon,
as a means of engaging in length!
, conversations, Mr.. Bacon statec
that one day recently two ladie
= used the the telephone steadily TO
/ 90 minutes. The operator va
/. finally compelled to disconnect tb
: phones so that another party conl'
4 use the line for business call. A
soon as the gentlemen complete,
! their business conversation, ah
n ladies got the line again and con
versed with each other for Just on
a hour. This is in violation of tn
8 company rules, but if the operate
"a had cut short this lengthy convel
satIon i is . eiHeh that both iadit
= would have made q tbig kick
Is about the matter. This ID Just on
e illustration Of how determined som
people are TO get the worth of the
it money out of the telephone servic,
II regardless Of the wishes Of 9th,
patrons Of the company,