davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
HUNOR or THE DIP

He During the quarreD-"Then. by your
own account, didn't tell you a single
truth truth before we were married" She
worthy of me. Boston TRANSCRIPT,
81 understand he swears a great deal"
would say that in the heat of passion he
finds it Impossible to confine himself to
tut tut. Detroit Free Press.
Mistress-"Would you like to come on
trial for a week." Prospective CoolS
Sure, Oi can tell whether OF will like
yez in twenty-four hours."-Life.
Eff you has got light enough ter see de
ten steps ahead of you shake hams wild
yo'sef an press on.-Atlanta Constitution.
Mrs. Handout-"You say you are called
the Colonel; in what army have Won
seryed?' Ragged Rogers-''In de army
Of de unemployed, mum Boston Trans
cript.
I'm going to start an anti-noise assoc
noting something. How will Won 90
about it? We'll, the first thing is to get
the public interest. 1 have already en-
gagged half dozen speakers and a brsss
band. "-Washington Star. ass
Mrs. Bagrox-''Ten me, Professor. Will
Herr Vogleschnitzle-''I cannot dell Mrs
Bagrox-"But has she none of the ooua1f
fcations necessary for a good musician
Herr Vogleschnitzle-"Ach, yah rnatan.
she has two handts. PUCK
A man sent his neighbours little bow 10
the drug store to buy five postage stamps
He handed him two dimes the extra one
being Tor himself. Some time aftervard
the boy came back blubbering and said
he had lost one of the dimes .Rut WIN
didn't you buy me the stamps asked ar
man Because, mister" replied the how
1t was your dime lost."-JudEe-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
IFrom the Chicago n ISL

Every time a girls heart is broken she
saves the pieces.
1t is easier TO make friends than it is
to hold them.
Even the silent man is unable to keep
his ignorance under cover.
Anyway, no man ever has occasion to
apologize for doing his duty.
Lots of men are willing to sell their ex-
perience for 10 cents on the dollar.
Ordinarily n woman manages to hold
her own-With the exception of her
tongue.
If many people were to think before
they speak they would forget what they
were going to say
Sometimes woman listens to man
talk so she will be ready to start in when
he pauses for breath.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

history.
A California preacher says the wom-
en- dress to lure the men. Consider
ing the mems we'll known aversion to
being 1ured, one might say-offhand-
just like that-that the women should
encounter little difficulty in accom-
plishing their purpose.
This weather breeds contrariness; it
makes a cook want to file exceptions
to everything. That is the only excuse
for calling attention to the fact that
although the favorite town pastime is
knocking corporations, the corpora
tons go right ahead with their good
work of showing up the knockers. The
gFeenest parkings in town adJoin the
Santa Fe and city railway property,
and in We winter time the Sidewalks
thereabout are the first to be cleaned
But it is bad form to say anything that
might be construed as a boost for cor
pOratiOnS, so let us say no more
about it.
1t may be observed that Hon. Bryan
hasn't done anything in particular to-
ward cutting down the high cost of
living. Grape juice costs more than
the celebrated source of Milwaukee
wealth.
This drouth has placed the state
house dandelions in the exclusive set.
Formerly they mingled at times with
the lowly Jlmpson weed and bIue STEM
A cleaning in Leavenworth booze
circles is much like sweeping leaves
from the front walk in October.
John Lind, who has been sent to
examine the interior of Mexico and see
what makes it tick, is a one-armed
person. Therefore it might be proper
to say that he is going into it single
handed.
But maybe the MeXicans will learn
to trust him. They may feel assured
that he is not holding a club behind
his back while shaking hands, ana
that assurance is scarce in the land OF
red pepper, rascality and rebellion.
The Ancient Mariner should have
been glad he didn't nave to drift
around in Topeka. At least he had
water to look at
Clip Castro's latest Venezuelan out
break was a failure, same as his pre-
ViouS attempts, but Clip is not reported
as among those captured. Castro may
not be much of a revolutionist, but he
is an expert at making a getaway.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Most mems bravery deserts them
when it is put to test.
4. = -
Some folks idea of the height of Gull
ture is to call it perspiration.
= Il =
It's all right not to mind the heat in
the least if you don't brag about it.
= i +
Great should be the rewards of the
few who keep their troubles to them
selves.
There are four RS" nowadays and
the chief one in the minds of the young
sters appears to be fagtime.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
KANSAS COMMENT
LEARNING TO SWIM.

This is the season of drowning ac-
cidents. The deaths from this cauSS
may exceed the fatalities or footpali
or the deadly July twenty or a nuli
dred times Commissions and legisla-
tors discuss the former evils. But ag-
itation on the drowning question Is
confined to occasional newspaper edl-
toriaIs. 1t seems to take death in tne
mass to arouse popular interest Dealn
on the installment plan, is isolated
and separate cases, though more ire
quent, attracts less attention the
danger of death in the water is not
from the occasional horrors like the
Titanic disaster. 1t is in 10000 sum-
mer resorts and a million bathing
haunts where young people dirt with
the elemental treachery of water. The
summer time scatters people far from
their accustomed scenes. 1t brings into
resorts that have water sports host
of persons who know no more about
boats than about an aeroplane. HaV-
ing learned to swim few strokes, they
swim across the river. They paddle
out in a canoe. which they regard as
a conservative craft, worthy of the con-
fidence one would place in a heavily
ballasted row boat Steering sail boat
is usually the next exploit. As it floats
at the wharf it looks as secure as
ferry boat. But feel what a titanic
leverage a stiff breeze will have on
your spreading sail. Against it you
have merely the fluid pressure of the
water on the keel and sides. The in
Vulnerable overturns record how, in the
language of an old salt, Them that
know nothin' fear nothin." 1t seems
almost useless to preach caution to
people who are temperamentally san
guine. But the father who, at home or
in summer haunts, can teach his young
folks how to swim, very considerably
increases the chance that he will have
the continued joy of their companion
ship.-Winfield Courier.
DON'T LOOK TOO HIGH
If you are looking for the best
things in life for you, my friend, don't
look too high-the best things for
you are often down low, quite within
your reach Don't make the mistake
of thinking that you have to climb a
ladder to get everything that is worth
while in life. You don't. We have to
climb a ladder to get to heaven but
my, there is a lot to do right down
here within reach long before we be-
gin to climb up to heaven. Get busy
and do whatever your hands find to
do within reach. There is some splen-
did work waiting for you right with
in your grasp.-Fort Scott Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
THE ENuGRANT.

THE EMIGRANT.
90 pack my grip said Madam Fly,
And call my son and daughter,
I'll leave this land where, hourly, I
Must dodge that awful Swatter.
mo sooner do I light to get
Some food or drink of water,
Than down they bear upon me, with
That peace destroying swatter.
and when the shades of evening fall,
The chase grows hot and hotter.
They drive me round from perch to perch
With that same awful swatter.
so pack my grip and pack it quick,
And call my son and daughter.
I'll seek land of peace and rest,
Where they don't use the swatter."
ALICE PRINGLE.
Alma, Kan.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
The Diary of a Bonehead.

When man gets up in the morning
with his tongue the size of a shredded
a motion picture. show, it is a, cinch that
it was not sick friend with whom he sat
up the night before.
The friends L sat up with last, evening,
dear Diary were far from sick. They
were the wellest friends L have ever seen.
Sure our wives are all gone to the coun,
to give a little stag, just a ten-cent limit.
somehoW someR3d1y always 6S mas aFs,r to o0
know, with one or two of the old fra
ternity bunch
turned out to be horse doctor who didn'
know a Greek letter fraternity from
Greek shoe-shining stand, and the othec
was a man with thick eyeglasses and a
wooden expression whose interest in and
knowledge of fraternalism existed in the
fact that he once had a distant cousin
who joined the Odd Fellows
L have always believed that poker was
invented by a man with thick eyeglasses
and a wooden expression and I have no
reason now to change my mind The
first time drove three stenographers
and pair of bellhops up against four tens
learned all 1 wanted to know about the
man whose distant cousin once Joined the
horse doctor later and my opinion of him
would not be allowed to pass through the
come and Binks had picked up these fill
ers down at Joe's place
Binks was strong for those fiendisi.
mixed drinks that one makes at home and
in which one inserts about five times as
much of the vital essence as is necessary.
Everybody imbibed freely excepting the
horse doctor and the man with the thick
eyeglasses The horse doctor called for
one Bull Moose highbal consisting of
glass of milk with a teaspoonful of brandy
in it and, not being able to get it. said
that was his limit and that he would sue
anybody for libel who animated ne would
take anything else.
4 e limit was raised five times between
iI1s+ antein his mahogany sideboard and
brass candIesticks while had given bill
of sale of my automobile and had anted
in all of my glad rags excepting my sus-
penders.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
quiry?

There may be nothing in names. but
once in while one of them is at least
appropriate. Mrs. Musselman is the
new physical director at the Young
Women's Christian association. Incl
dentally, Mrs. Musselman is a skilled
exponent of the Australian crawl ="
And it is lucky for the peace of min,
of sedate parents of frisky girls that
this happens to be a method of swim
ming and not of dancing.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
HOME NEW WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State journal
away from home during the summer
may have the paper mailed regularly
each day to any address at the ra.c
of ten cents a week or thirty Genus
a month (by mail oniyl. Address
changed as often as desired. Mhie
out of town the State journal Will De
to You like daily letter from nome.
Advance payment is requested on
f.lese short time subscriptions, to save
hnnIkeening PKDenSeS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

Marty Mulhall ought to be pretty
familiar before long with the story he
has to tell. He is repeating it again
for the benefit of the lobby nvestiga
tors of the house of Representatives.
This looks like n waste of valuable time
and energy. Why don't the senate and
the house join hands in the lobby in
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
ON TIE SPUR
or The AOMEWT
BY ROY Il. MOULTON.
a Memory.
z Il. MOULTON.
BY

a Memory.
The corner faker used to stand
And hold a bottle in his hand;
He used to entertain the crowd
By telling them in accents loud,
This medicine would cure all ills,
And took the place of salVe and pills
1t cured the govt and housemaid's knee,
The jaundjce, spinal misery,
Appendicitis, rheumatic,
And almost any i'll that is,
Including shingles, SPAWN, pip,
Ringbone, influenza, grip,
Tonsilitis, falling hair.
Corns and bunions and nightmare.
And he threw in with his dope
One nice cake of shaving soap,
Twelve lead pencils, fountain pen,
Writing paper, ties for men,
Rubber comb and penlnife, too,
Twelve glass cutters, tried and true;
Pocket handkerchief of silk,
Bottle for the babys milk;
Nearly department store
He'd throw in and reach for more.
How they fought to get his stuff,
Couldn't reach him quick enough;
Dollar bills were his delight.
Got three hundred every night,
His cure gave out by and by
And he'd make a fresh supply.
At a very slight expense
Seven gallons, Is cents.
Where's the faker and his dope?
Gone forever, let us hope.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

Some people will be sure to see a con-
nection between the suicide of DIR.
Oliver Livingston Jones of New York
and the fact that his daughter is Gen
eral Rosalie Jones. who leads the forced
marches for the suffra sists' cause.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

And the excellent financial showing
OF the Rock Island Lines for the past
fiscal year is also a reflection of the
prosperity that prevails in the terri
tory through which they are operated.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

Biographers of the leading English
suffragettes will also have to be expert
statisticians to figure up and tabulate
properly the number of times they have
been arrested and sent to Jail.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

AS was to have been expected this
peace in the Balkans is not likely to
be of very long standing. Concluding
ar address of appreciation to his SOL
diers, King Ferdinand of Bulgaria said:
Exhausted and tired, but not con-
quered, we had to furl our glorious
standards until better days.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

Congressman Hobson and his lingo
friends must be in a blue funk over
the well substantiated report that a
lack of funds prevents Japan from
enlaFging it's navy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

Unable to live on his charity allow
anee of $4,000 a year, ex-King Manuel
has taken to pawning his jewels. Evil
IDENTIFY he's too proud to lecture.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

1t will not be considered that the
Turks are a progressive people. thinks
the Washington Post. until Alb Hamid
at least makes an effort to come back.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

Topeka shares with Cherryvale the
distinction and doubtful honor of haV-
ing the highest water rate of any Of
the cities of Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

And the plans of Governor Sulzer
of New York to make himself into
presidential timber have certainly been
effectively knocked into a cooked hat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

Just to save time, the powers might
insist that any Balkan wars remaining
on the schedule be played off as
doubIe-headers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

With near water famines prevailing
in a number of Kansas localities, it
appears that the Mahin law went into
operation at an extremely inopportune
time.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

Attention is called by the Christian
Science Monitor to the fact that there
was also a jenny Lind and she was
a female harmoniZer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

Nor is the Kansas drouth without its
consoling features. There is little dam
ger these days of any wealthy Kansas
farmer drowning, like a Nebraska ag
riculturist of large means did the other
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

How history doesn't repeat. In one
place in Kansas it has not rained for
forty days and forty nights.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13

More work for the congressional in
vestigators. President Wilson has
sighted a lobby that is working to pro-
mote war between the United States
and Mexico.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
FUII, LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

The state JeurnaI IL a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the fuli DAY
Kanizatfon for the exclusive a1ternoon
qualification IN Topeka
The news ~ received in The state Joax-
mai building over wires for this sole p2f-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-08-13
BY THE WY
BIT HARVEY PARSONS.

Beautiful Kansas! Where we get
peaches from Arkansas, watermelons
from Oklahoma and rain from ancient
history.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27
CONGRESS oEvoTEs ATTENTION
TO CURRENCY BILL

Washington. June % Congress to
day turned rs alterations from the
tarln - scrutinize the administra-
lions currency bill which as an
nounced last night would be introduc-
"a Is both houses next week.
The president and democratic lead
ers are hopeful that the informal dis
question vlli develop in complete har,
mous Interest. however is center
80 IN the super, isory powers to be ex-
preised d the federal reserve board.
composed of nine members. over the
reserve banks The trainers OF the
hat believed THAI he placing Of the
BOARD entirely under the control OF
the government would assure a check
an tbe operations Of reserve banks.
The administration hopes that the
provision for he note issue will be un-
changed Under this plan the state
and national banks may obtain cur
renes from the reserve banks by sur.
rendering adequate security. and the
reserve banks siH be required to hold
one.thira ia gold OF the amount OF cur
rpncs notes advanced The regional
reserve banks may discount notes
billie and exchange arising out OF com
merc.al transactions This. Il Is be
uetea elll release money in times OF
afFoas
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27
GOVERNOR TRAMMELL APPOINTS
STATE TAX COMMISSION
Especial to Ocala Banner

Tallahassee, Fla, June 20.-Govern-
or Park Trammell today appointed as
members of the state tax commission,
created by the last legislature. the
following gentlemen
Hon. John E. Edwards, an attorney
at law of Lakeland. Polk county: Hon.
Robert ]. Patterson of Madison. the
present tax assessor OF Madison
county. and Hon. John Neal of West
vile, Holmes county, a successful far
mer and merchant, and former state
senator.
In making these appointments, Gov
ernor Trammell has endeavored to
place the appointments in different
sections of the state, and has done
so. as far as could be, considering
that there were only three commits
sioners to be appointed. In making
these appointments, the governor also
deemed it advisable to have, as mem
bers OF the commission, a lawyer of
ability. an experienced tax assessor
and a successful farmer and business
man. The governor believed that the
objects for which the commission was
created would be best served, and the
results desired more likely of attain
ment by having the. tax commission
so constituted 1t is believed that
Messrs. Edwards, Patterson and Neal
are excellently qualified for the work
of the commission. and that they will
render valuable service to the state.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27
NEGRO RAPIsT PAYS USUAL PEN.
Atty IN THE WEST
BY Associated Press. }

Hot Springs. Ark. June 20.-This
city is comparatively quiet today fol-
lowing the lynching and burning last
night of Will Norman the negro who
recently assaulted and killed the four
teen year old daughter of Judge
Floyd HUFF. The negro, after commit
ting his fiendish crime. hid in the
mountains for several days, but was
finally captured by d posse who had
Immediately taken up his trail lie
was brought back to the CITY, and at.
er making a fun conf, ssion of his
guilt, was hanged in the sire and
then taken down and burned The au
thorities here have been ordered to
make an investigation of the lynch
ing.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27
5iRIjS EXCHANGE
CLOSED A VERY
/ SUCCESSFUL YEAR
wuNKD HiCH PRICE FOR
GROWERS

- ..e a..
u.s. s.s's
80 - sfl.'A sttua E.N-
Na&h ll.slAa M loattn
fA Aa.A ~ -" CIT ~
= fmfitaa SINCE IT, M
ne - =, /.
ts. ~ -
?" 80. 80 ~ ~
t ttai'.lf ~. ~,
20 tsias fli,ta' y )
#ltisaai.saii.N the dl.sss-
f.a h't Nsth re
as'li as'lt January
$500 II ~ ~
a was o1t
'an 81 our TUX
"as eti
"ftt pteN ''''i.
Aa "taia ana
.n t.ftitha' 'lfe-
.i aha u
~ 7"
.'.@.
- ~. -
it'N II "At ifaiA'
-. A at#ifta IT,
pfile " laying
tae citrus
ai'a ieel war
3 HahifR the statement
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27
AMERICAN SOLDIERS CHARGED
WITH LAWLESSNESS
by Associated Press.

Washington, June 20.-J. J. Kilpat.
rick, al prominent merchant of Can
delaria,A Texas, was in Washington to-
day and appeared before Secretary
of War Garrison. Fitzpatrick charges
that thes American soldiers on the
Mexican border are as lawIess as are
the rowing bands across the border
and asks the secretary of war to look
at once into the matter.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27
WORK SUSPENDED ON IMPROVE
MENTS WORTH MILLIONS
(By Associated Press.)

Chicago, June 20.-There is a dead
lock today n this city between five
hundred building construction employ
ers and twenty thousand members of
the Building and Trades Unions, who
were locked cut yesterday. AS a re-
suit of this lockout twenty thou
sand other laborers We're forced to
give up their Jobs, necessitating the
suspension of work on improvements
amounting to thirty-ive million dol
lars +
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27
DEMOCRATIC SENATORS HOLD
CAUCUS ON TARIFF BILL
(By Associated Press.)

Washington, June 2O.-The demo
cratic senators held a caucus today
on the tariff bill as revised by the
democrats of the finance committee.
The only measure held back for revis-
ion later was the income tax feature.
Chairman Simmons rindicated that he
expected some opposition in the eau
Gus on the sugar and wool program,
but stated that he believed the SEIZED
ules would remain unchanged.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27
FORMER SCHOOL TEACHER GOES
ON THE WAR PATH
(By Associated Press. J

Bremen, Germany, June 20.-A for.
mer school teacher, named Schmidt
entered the Catholic school here to.
day with six revolvers, and began to
empty his weapons promiscuously
seemingly unconcerned as to where
the bullets struck AS a result of the
shooting one school teacher and two
children were shot dead, another
teacher and three children were IA
tally wounded, and three other chill
dren were more or less seriously
hurt. Schmidt was arrested, but re-
fused to give any explanation for his
rash act
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27
WOMEN BANDITS HOLD UP OKLA
HoMA POSTMASTER
(By Associated Press. J

Guthrie, Okla, June 2O.-Two wo-
men, wearing masks, entered the
Georgia. Okla, bostoffice early this
morning. and after covering the post
master with revolvers, looted the till
of seventy-fve dollars in currency,
and a bag containing two thousand
pennies and two gold watches. The
women then mounted horses and rode
away with their booty. So far no pur-
suit has been attempted.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27
FARMERS ORGANIZATIONS Elk
EMPT FROM PROSECUTION
(By Associated Press.l

Washington, June 20.-It is stated
at the White House that the presi-
dent would sign the sundry civil bill
exempting union farmers organiza-
lions from prosecution under the Sher-
man law.
The Ocala banner. (Ocala, Marion County, Fla.) 1883-194?, 1913-06-27

Nnver cultivate beans while the
slnsa arr wei With dew or rain. To
ID - ALI De- ca invite an attack OF
rust and he subsequent ruin OF the
rrop Thls i fact which all farm
ara should know but many Of them
as not and many promising cop OF
beans has been ruined foe vart OF
this information East Coast hone.
seeker