davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
Where the Laugh Comes In

There was young lady and wasn't it She laid out dollar for powder and paint, With pencil of bismuth her eyebrows to trace, And all for the purpose of making a
 Judge.
 "Dobbie's word is as good as his bond" :"
 Exactly. How good is his bond ?'- Houston Post.
 MT. Almost Bald-"Tony, my hair is getting thin"
 Tony (the barber) )-"So which one P" Life. ...E
 Many men claim to practice what they preach when they merely preach what they would have you believe they prac. tice.-Puck.
 What do you think of President Will sons Oabinet?"
 "Great. With eight or nine excep- tions 1t agreed with the one I selected for him. Detroit Free Press.
 Manager-''I am looking for a man can trust"
 Applicant-''And I'm looking for a man who will trust me. We ought to get along fine. ."-Boston Transcript
 Remember. Arthur, you are the son of a gentleman. Try to behave like one for just one day"
 "All right. mother, but it will spoil the whole day tor me."-Life.
 She-"We're getting up a poverty par. ty. All the guests are to appear in ragged clothes"
 He-"That' an entertaining idea. I suppose you'll have ragtime music. ''- Boston Transcript.
 My doctor ordered two weeks at the seashore."
 He's homeopath, isn't he?" '"Yes. Why?"
 "Two weeks is @ small dose. I'd go to an allopath and see if I couldn't get trip to Europe. Washington Herald. "You have faith in the wisdom of the plain people,"
 Yes" ," replied Senator Sorghum, "bnt my faith falters when notice how many of them would rather look at a parade than listen to one of my speeches. "- Washington Star.
 A suffragette was laying corner stone.
 What shall we put under it ?" was the question.
 Samples of the current ooins," was suggested.
 N"No," declared the leader, ''the men used to do that. We'll put hobble skirt. bunch of puffs and style book for 1913. Louisville Oourier-J Journal. Miss Bolde.' said the shy student to the fair one on the other side of the sofa, If were to throw you a kiss what would you say?"
 "I'd say your the laziest man I ever met. ."-Minnesota Minnie-Ha-Ha.
 First lawyer-"I hear you are having trouble in getting jury for that auto mobile case p
 Second lawyer-"Yes. We object to everybody who owns car, and the other side rules out all who don't. "- Puck.
 Mrs. Muggins-"I'm so worried about my husband, I'm afraid he isn't we'll" Mrs. Buggins-"Whata are the symp- toms?''
 Mrs Muggins-"He hasn't con- plained about single thing for nearly week. ."-Philadelphi Record.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
Letters From the People
Favors "Mountainview." !"


 To the Editor of The News:
 It seems to me that the name Canaan Cemetery" suggested by your corre- spondent in your issue of last week, is wofully commonplace and devoid of all originality. We already have the Can aan National Bank, the Canaan Savings Bank, the Canaan Lime Company aud the Canaan Business Mems Association. Now, the name the "Mountainview Cemetery" is original and full of poet ical suggestion. It associates our ceme- tery with our grand old Mountain, of which we are 50 justly proud, and which nowhere appears more impressive and inspiring than when seen from the ceme- tery, towering, as it does, in it's "cloud capped" majesty, lifting up our hearts to God and the eternal life.
 Besides. the lady who has suggested this name. has done so much for the cemetery and stands ready to do so much more, that 1t really seems as though her wishes in the matter should prevail. am, Sir, very truly yours.
 Canaan, March 24, D.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
What the Other Fellows Say,

It sometimes seems as though the Connecticut legislators were growing in admiration for that celebrated congress man whose platform, was favor of all ap- propriations and opposition to all taxes. Hartford Times.
 And now President Wilson has direct ed that all gifts sent him by strangers shall be returned. For the love of Mike, what next?-New Haven Journal-Cour- fer.
 Far be it from us to interfere in what is essentially the internal, domestic, but undomesticated, affair of Waterbury. But if we felt an obligation to make a suggestion, it would be that schools are more useful than armories and more enefcial.-Bridgepor Farmer.
 District Attorney Whitman is driving the probe deeper and deeper and there is much conjecture as to where it will lead to. Much objectionable matter has al- ready been forced into the light of publi- city. More is scheduled to come.- Bridgeport Standard.
 The Wilson administration is to retain certain republican experts in the various departments despite the clamor of practi- cal politicians This is an example of where the "boys" lose and the public gains.-Pittsfield Eagle.
 New Canaan beautifuli Is there a more loyal or realistic theme that our minds could dwell upon? Right here in the land of plenty and tranquility we are justly called the 'Next Station to Heaven. ."-New Canaan Advertiser.
 New Haven health official frown upon the kiss. But in matters of this sort they are not court of last decision.-Ansonia Sentinel.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
THURSDAY. MARCH 27. 1918
BACK Ue, PHILI

The New Haven Sunday Union com pliments The News by reprinting on its editorial page, with accompanying sentl ments of endorsement, the observations printed in this column last week con corning "the do-nothing legislature. Following the reprinted article, how ever, is this:
 "In Brother John we have the strik. ing anomaly of Democratic editor of g J. Henry Roraback newspaper. We were therefore in doubt. while consider ing the above phillipic, whether this is nota case of the voice being the volce of Esau, while the hand is the hand of Jacob--meaning, of course, to imply that Esau Ill this instance stands for Brother John, while Jacob stands for J. Henry. We are not at all surprised that Mir. Roraback can perceive nothing good coming out of even practically Demo cratic Legislature. ** Why should his paper. then kick about the Legisla- sure doing aothing?'
 "All this, however aside, Brother Rodemeyer has struck note which we trust the legislators, especially the Demo- cratic legislators, will harken to. To date it HAS practically been a 'do-noth- ing session. There is, nevertheless, time enough left for the Legislature to do some really big things if they will, as Brother Rodemeyer would put it, get together pull together it's the only way to keep from going backward. 7"
 While we appreciate the Unions en- dorsement of The News's estimate of legislative laziness. we cannot permit to pass unchallenged the assertion that The News is "a J. Henry Roraback news paper" in the sense that seems to be inn piled by Editor Troup. Of course Editor Troup, being among The Newss most appreciative constant readers and de- voted admirers. knows full well that such an implication is absurd and un- justifable 1; but while we fully under stand that the above cajolery is not de- signed for serious or literal acceptance, the mischief of it is in the possibility of some readers, more serious minded, talk ing it at long metre and jumping from its perusal to a conclusion that would be doubly unjust Hence this kick.
 The News has not the remotest idea what MT. Roraback's opinion of the do- nothing legislature may be. It has not had an opportunity to consult him in the matter, and furthermore, as every experienced newspaper interviewer in the state knows, he is not given to loquacious expression of opinions for publication, on such matters. On the other hand we have no reason to suppose MT. Roraback cares what The News's opinion is. of the legislative dilly-dally- ing.
 While Mr. Roraback, (with several ether public spirited Canaan business
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
LIFE'S FULNESS.
BY EMMA RoDEMEYER WATT

I'm glad life is more than beholders may deem, And that we are helped by each beautiful dream; That seasons in passing teach all the charm Life's changes may bring without causing alarm. We know life is deeper, is higher by far
 Than anything that this dear old world can mar; Beginning ending on earth it has none,
 Its treasures are ours to protect till alps done. And then cen as children-ah, blest be the sight Kneel down after play time to their prayers at night So we. too, will fold away all earthly care,
 And trust that in nee ending joys shall share.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
THE PHILOSOPHY OF HAIR.
 LESSNESS.

Expatiating on the subject of bald heads, Joe Hollister, the versatile genius of the Pittsfield Eagle, In an editorial disuuisition that deals with the bald head proposition from every conceivable andpoint-scientific,m moral, psychologi- cal, econom1c, philosophical, etc.-lends approval to the BaldHead Club of America. Emerging from his intricate maze of deductions, sequences and corol- lary contingencies. he launches into his conclusion in this satisfactory fashion :
 ''So we find in the personnel of the Bald Head Club of America scores of men who are worth knowing-scores of men of blameless service-scores of meh whose friendship we desire to keep. They are a perpetual refutation of the claim that the good die young. If that were literally true only bad men would attain the dignity of the allotted three score years and 10.
 Carlyle said that our most useful citizens are those who capitalize their misfortune. Members of the Bald Head Club persist in their claim that bald heads are badge of distinction-of honor-and that those who make light of light crops of hair are inspired by jealousy simple if not pure. In any event we all agree that the organization that few months ago came into being in single night. is unique and may well become one of the most powerful forces for uplift in the nation.
 We have but one fear and that is chat. alarmed by the growing dimensions of the Bald Head Club, the less for tunate ones will resort to sandpaper or other device to produce smooth spot Such wanton, such wilful. such outrage ous act would result in the enrolment of many ringer within the select circle of those legitimately bald"
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

"You seem to talk quite freely for pub lication, without actually saying any thing"
 That's the art of it." replied Senator Sorghum. "A man should always avoid letting his views get mixed into his interviews. Washington Star.
 Every customer pushes my goods"
 What do you sell ?"
 Baby carriages. h--E Exchange.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
A Post-Impressionist Poem.

The snaky twilight crawls and clanks A scarlet shriek thrusts home; The jig-saws snap among the blanks,
 Where lush and loud,
 Plump, plastic, proud,
 The coupons crowd Along the road to Rome. Acrid, essential, winged with eyes, The powdered plurnmet drops :. The beldame's bonnet drawls and dies And, foul or fair,
 Calm Neverwhere
 Inscrlbes his square Amid the malt and hops. Oh anguish of the slaughtered shaft That skins the sullen looms Oh vaguely vaunted overdraft
 Oh savage spin
 Of twain and twin,
 While out and Tn The shapeless secret booms. Punch,
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

While a fire blazed about her, plucky little girl operator in the Naugatuck tele- phone exchange, Molly Kehoe, stood at the switchboard the other day and ans wered calls until smoke made it necessary for her to quit And yet big husky men, who haven't the nerve even to be a volunteer firemen, will sometimes give a telephone operator a most discourteous scolding at the slightest proyocatiQn.- Waterbury Republican.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Several persons, riding i'll big auto, were severely injured last Sunday, near Greenwich, when the auto skidded on a curve. struck stone wall and turned a complete somersault. It's safe bet that the auto wasn't running faster than six miles an hour-no auto eyer does, that turns somersaults over stone walls.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

In other words the New York Yacht Club will agree to give Sir Thomas Lip ton another chance to win the Cup if he will pledge himself to keep his yacht anchored while the race is on.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Congressman TT om" Reilly is making fine collection of loving cups presented to him by the postal employees in differ ent cities in recognition of his services in pushing through the eight-hour bill
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

said the chair, hitting the desk a whack with the monkey-wreneh. "The question Is on Mir. Vogels notion"
 The motion was carried with a whoop, and the meeting adjourned.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

MT. Oldbeau-"Miss Ethel, may I not hope to-er-some day call you my wife?"
 Miss Ethel-"Have you spoken to mamma on the subiect?"
 Mir. "Why-er-yes. I be- lieve I did some 20 years ago. ."-Boston Transcript.
 'I'm about to give an opera party What boxes should take ?"
 "Any, except chatter boxes. Judge. "What's Bodkins doing now ?''
 He's a demonstrator.
 "What does he demonstrate. "
 "His own unftness chiefly. ."-Birm- ngham Age Herald.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

The women say they can't keep their hats on without hatpins. Their mothers kept them on with ribbons tied under the chin, and they never scratched any eyes out either.-New Haven Union.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Governor Baldwin says he is the Gov ernor of the state, and not simply the Governor of the democratic party. By the way. who is the governor of the democratic party in Connecticut?
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

The editor of the New Haven Union favors the banishment of the familiar greeting, "How do you do ?" for ''some less insipid salutation." How about "'What'll you have?"
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Canaan is undoubtedly booked to fur nish another memorable Fourth of July celebration this year. With Rev. E. O. Gillette as chairman of the committee on ''plan and scoop it's got to go.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Get Together. Pull Together. Every reasonable thing desired can be obtained in that way
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

The Business Mems Association has declared in favor of new crosswalks. The selectmen will take due notice.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Careful citizens clean up their grounds at this time of year by moving the ash barrel from the front to the back yard. - Hartford Post.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Clean-Up Day ill Canaan Saturday, the 19th Don't forget the date.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
MISCELLANEOUS

AR EATEN. optieian at Torrlngton ,oun. will be at ''rhe Garfield" hotel the first Mon If unable to call send postal. Consultation free s. R. STARK. Nurse. Canaan Telephone ib-2 SOMETHING NEW In correspondence cards just receiye1 the popular size with Canaan date line. The Ganaan Printing Go.
 TO RENT-The house known as the Bullard place For terms apply to, Miss B J. Granger. SURVEYOR-Farms surveyed, titles searched and abstracts male. Engineering ot au kinds.
 w. B. Hubbard West Cornwall, Conn. PEABODY-Opthalmic optieian will be at Mrs. Halls, Falls Village, Ct, March %. 27.
 FLAT TO RENT-In Badgley's block on Rail. road street, rooms and bath. Electric lights
 and heat c. E. Badgley, Canaan,
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
WANTED

wANTED-ih000 cords of lime kiln wood
 Address, Box 20o, East Canaan, Conn. wANTED-work for two heavy teams r.. & Judd, at the Garfield Stables. WANTED--b0 cords seasoned hard wood at once. The Canaan Lumber Co. wANTED-Competen help for general house work. Good wages to the right party. Mrs. J. H. Rorahack Canaan. WANTED D-Boarders. Good place for semi-in- valid and invalid and nurse. Wirobrush Farm, West Cornwall. Conn. -. wANTED-Competent woman for all around housework Mrs l.. E Moon, Box 2i9, Falls Village, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Subscribers are requested to notify the pub fisher promptly of aay failure to receive papers reg ulariy changes of residence etc.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
THE NEWS AGENTS

Extra copies of The News are on sale at the emceof publication and at
 Dempsey Drug Store, Canaan, Post Office, East Canaan. D. H. Oakes Store. Lakeville, Post Office, Falls Village, George T. Johnson's Store, Norfolk, Scutt & Rood. Ashley Falls. A. L. Dickinson. Salisbury. J. W. Morgan, Great Harrington, Mass.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Cheer up Cherry time is coming fast.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Tax Commissioner Corbin's confirma- tion will be the order of the day, today, in the senate. Up to it's present stage it has been the disorder of that body.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

Cent-a-Word Advertisements Minimum Charge D Gents
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
as AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM

The News should appeal with special force to the negacious business man.
 It has an extensive circulation in Western Connecticut, and especially throughout Litch- Aeld County and Southern Berkshire.
 It has competent staff of wide-awake cor. respondents In the various towns to report the socal doings each week. and goes into the homes and is perused by the entire families of the thrifty, intelligent, reading class of people whom che long advertiser most desires to reach
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
NORTH CANAAN HAS

A population Jf2,171, Census of 1910) Two railroads.
 National and Savings Banks. Trolley railroad extending through the Berkshires to Pittsfeld and beyond Up-to-date High School and flrst-class school system.
 Five churches.
 First-class hotel.
 Fire department. including chemical en- zine.
 Ten miles of State Roads Electric light and power plant, Complete Sewer System. Never-failng water supply and the best water in the state.
 Wide-awake Business Mems Association. Extensive lime and iron industries. Fraternal and benefit societies. Brass band.
 Up-to-date department stores. Pure air and wholesome climate.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27
FOR SALE

FOR SALE-Grade Holstein hefers, due Co calve this spring. Gladoli bulbs. fine colors, TOO for ] 7ec. Cream Hill Farm, West Cornwall, Conn. FOR sALE-old newspapers ln packages- % for | 5cents, 50 for 10 cents. The Canaan Printing EGGs-Ducks: Mammoth Pekins, Indian Run. ners Geese Toulouse, African. c. n. pcase, Canaan.
 FOR SALE Stock and horse hay at barn, in any quantity--40 acres wood and timber, standing A. E. Benton. Canaan Conn. R. N. D' FOR sALK-Dellvery wagon in good condition. Tor sale cheap. O. L. Parsons & Son, Canaan FOR sALE-New Ideal Sewing Machine in good condition. Post offiee Box lA Canaan, Tclc- FOR SALE-Farm, 45 acres, 7-room house and barn, good condition. Lime kiln on place paying royalty. Two miles north or Canaan. Inquire David Curtis, R F. D. No I. Tele- phone ii9.2
 FOR sALE-Lefingwell place right near Can. aan, 900 acres, nice lot of timber Meadow and pasture land, keep % COWS splendid spring water, runs in both house and barn. A mtlk route which goes with it worth about $a.000 per year. This place is a bargain and will sell quick. Geo. W. Hall Canaan, Conn. FARMS AND WOODLAND FOR sALF-The Barnum Farm in the village Of Lime Rock, 805 acres. House and tenement house in Nxcel-
 
 nearly new, Farm will keep GO head Of stock MIX marketed in the village. About two miles of the best trout brook in Litchneld County on the farm. Also many other farms and all the woodland belonging Co Barnum Richardson Co. for sale at reasonable price. |. Farms surveyed aud titles searched. w. B. Hubbard, West Cornwall Conn. FOR sALE-I8 room house, modern conven- fences, fine view, acres Another i2 rooms with acres, less money. Both in Canaan Another attractive bargain at East Canaan, not far from station Dr. e. L. Hurd, Real Estate, Lakeyile, Conn.
 FOR SALE -sullSy blow. 0 ft., Deerlng moving machine, hay.tedder and hay loader in good condition. Stamp for particulars. William Brush, West Cornwall, Conu.
 FINE AssoRrMENT-ofl ladies' trimmed hats for Easter Come early and avoid the rush, Also we have &l0O0 worth of stock we will sell regardless of cost. Buy Deans Maple Sugar Tor sale by all leading groeers. M. c. Dean ~ Sons South Canaan.
 FOR sALE-A pair of work horses. weigh a,7So, price $s5o. A. c. Sanford. Clayton, Mass, FOR SALE-Phelps place near Salisbury Center. % acres. Good house and barn, some fruit, timber and woodland VIII cut 90 tons of hay. very desirable farm. Will be sold cheap on easy terms Inquire Of Geo W. Hall FOR sALE-Peyron place near Lakeviile, 0s acres, beautiful location not far from Hotch- kiss School Just the place to raise poultry and vegetables and have a home market near by. House and barn fair condition. Land and location considered is worth what the place can be bought for Inquire of Geo w. Hall. FOR sALE-Ten single harnesses in good con. dttion. Single carriages and hugRics. surrcya and buckboards In good order. | want to rc- place them with new goods. Win sell at a very low figure Briggs Livery stable. FOR sALE-Ford Os Model $. Car Seats in rear, business extension. tires good, one extra, magneto tools, clock. speedometer Dr. e. l.. Hurd, Lakeville. Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

| FOR SALE-Grade Holstein hefers, due Co calve
 75c. Cream Hili Farm West Cornwpii Conn
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

FOR ShLE-old newspapers in packages % for 5cents, 50 for 10 cents. Tho Canaan Printing Go.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

FOR SALE-LeffinRwell place. right near Can. aan 900 acres, nice lot of timber. Meadow and pasture land keep % cows, splendid spring water, runs in both house and barn. A milk route which goes with it worth about $a,000 per year. This place is a bargain and will sell quick Geo. W. Hall, Canaan, Conn
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

FOR SALE-Farm, 45 acres, 7-room house and barn, good condition. Lime kiln on place paying royalty. Two miles north Of Canaan Inquire David Curtis, F. D. No. 1. Tele- phone iig-2.
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

EGGS-Ducks: Mammoth pekins, Indian Run. ners. Geese Toulouse, African c. II. pcase, Canaan
Connecticut western news., 1913-03-27

FOR SALE-16 room house, modern conven. fences, fine view. acres. Another i2 rooms with acres, less money. Both in Canaan. Another attractive bargain at East Canaan, not far from station. Dr. e. l.. Hurd, Real Estate, Lakeville Conn.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1913-11-21
Nov. 7-14-21.
SUM NJ ONS.

STATE OF MINNESOTA, County of
Blue Earth.-District Court. Sixth
Judicial District.
Lincoln A. Warwick, Plaintiff, VS..
Emma L. Warwick, Defendant.
The State of Minnesota, to the Above
Named Defendant:
You are hereby summoned and re-
quired to answer the complaint of
the plaintiff in the above entitled ac-
ton, a copy Of which is on file in
the office of the clerk of said court,
and to serve a copy of your answer
to the said complaint, on the sub
scriber, at his office in the city OF
Mankato, \ in said county, within
thirty 600 days after the service Of
this summons upon you, exclusive of
the day of such service; and if you
fail to answer the said complaint
within the time aforesaid, the plain
tiff in this action will apply to the
court for the relief demanded in
said complaint.
Dated this 9th day of October, A..
D. 1913
S. B. WILSON,
Attorney for Plaintiff.
Mankato, Minnesota,
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1913-11-21

were big fat affairs and had come
from the stone saw mill in the quar-.
ries.
Mr.. johnson is An old employee OF
the firm and in the thirty years that
he has been in the quarries this is the
first accident of any kind that he
has had. The injured man was
removed to his home where DR.. ]
w. Daniels of ST. Peter and DR.. H
W. Powell of Kasota attended to
his injuries. The medical examina
ton revealed the fact that the right
shoulder blade was fractured and
there may be fracture to some oil
the ribs underneath the blade, but
this has not as yet been determined
The injury will probably confine
Mr. Johnson to the house for tho
coming month.