davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-31
HE Weakness

HE Weakness.
She-He does not seem to be bril-
liant conversationalist.
He-No; unfortunately, he can't
talk on any subject unless he knows
something about it.-Puck.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-31
His Species.

Patent medicines are used largely
by the Chinese.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-31
Never Can Tell

Never Can Tell.
What have we here?"
Mob chasing a murderer"
"Ah, yes. To hang him or to crown
him with laurels which he is too mod
est to accept?"
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-31
Easily Don,

Easily Done.
$50 the trouble in the prison was
smqothed over?"
= Yes; the warden ironed the lead
ersf
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-31

Red Cross Ball Blue will wash double az
many clothes as any other blue. Don't
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-31


submitted bid OF $454
by Secretary Daniels of the
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-31

No Small Attentions Now.
Marriage seems to have made
different man Of Tom"
"fIis wife says It has made an In
different man of him"
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-31

Important TO Mothers
Examine carefully every bottle OF
CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that It
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-31

Perfectly plain. this little dress II
suitable for many uses. It's only or
nament Is a wide box plat down the
center of front and back. with the
closing under one edge Of 1t In front.
A wide collar in square effect trims
the neck and cuffs to correspond fin
ish the sleeves. or these may ex-
tend to the wrist and have q
plain band Gun. A belt completes the
dress.
The dress pattern (6367) is cut IN
sizes 2. 4 and 6 years. Medium size
requires 2% yards Of SO inch mate
rial
To procure this pattern send 10 cents
Write name and address plainly, and be
sure to give size and number OF pattern.
The Clio messenger. (Clio, Mich.) 1907-current, 1913-10-31

A pretty and fashionable shirt
waist design is here offered. The
garment Is made with front and collar
IN one and may have long or short
sleeves. The short sleeves are finish
ed with pointed turn-back cuffs. Silk.
linen. madras. poplin or serge can be
used to make this shirt waist with the
collar and cuffs Of contrasting ma
terial.
The pattern (6021) 10 cut in sizes 81
to ~ inches bust measure. Medium
size requires az yards Of 26 inch ma
terial. with \ yard Of "a inch con-
trasting goods.
To procure this pattern send 10 cents
70 Pattern Department" OF this paper.
Write name and address plainly. and be
sure to give sizs and number OF pattern.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
Awkward Congratulations.

When james Il. Smith, former gov
ernor general of the Philippines and
now a member of the court of customs
appeals, was practlcing law in San
Francisco just before the Spanish war
he was famous for the pugnacity with
which he fought In court for his clients
On one occasion judge, considering
him trine too emphatic in his pug
nacity, sentenced Smith to serve TWEEN
ty-four hours in Jail. 1t happened that
on the same day there was made the
announcement of Smiths selection as
colonel of the First California militia.
Just as he reached the Jail the follow
ing telegram was handed to him:
Congratulations. The right man in
the right place. Minneapolis Journal,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
A Shad ROW.

An unruly class In public school re
Formed on promise by the teacher tc
let them give negro minstrel show in
the school at the end of the term. and
when the performance came off it was
a bowling success.
One little temporary darby, rubbing
his arm, finally attracted the attention
of the interlocutor.
why. Mistah JONES'" he exclaimed
whats de mattah wifi 20 am?"
why, Mistah Bones, All wuz out il
de Hudson ribber yestahday 70 shad
an Alb got nah am lame rowin agains
de tide
well. we'll" returned the young Mr.
Bones; "Ah nevah saw such foolish
ness. Why didn't 20 let de shad row ?
New York Herald
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
Growth OF American Cities.


The building repdgts for 1912 indi-
cate that the phend menal growth OF
American cities continues. New York
not only leads algothers In the United
States, but in the world. 1t has also
exceeded Its own previous record Chi
cago comes second. with about half
the building of New York. Philadel-
phia is third. Then occurs the surprise
of the whole report. Los Angeles Is
fourth and falls by only narrow
margin OF beating Philadelphia for
third place. People who live in Los
Angeles call 1t the New York of the
Pacific coast. This makes the term
appear more than an Idle boast.
All the Pacific coast cities show up
well. San Francisco is behind Los
Angeles, but ahead of other cities of
much larger population than itself
Portland and Seattle are going strong.
Detroit looms large among the cities
of the central west Southern cities
also reveal a healthy growth.
Pessimists have long predicted that
the United States would soon reach an
end of her magical growth. The build
ing report makes such an end appear
farther away than ever So do the
crop and immigration statistics for the
past year. From these 1t would ap-
pear that we have only started grow
ing.
OF the worlds four largest cities the
United States now has two. New York
is treading on the heels of London. and
Chicago is crowding Paris. who can
predict what another ten or twenty
years may bring forth?
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
Generous.


Weldon Grossmlth, who is known as
an artist as we'll as an actor, was once
Rssailed by fair autograph hunter IN
London, who thust her album under
his nose. please give me your name
Mr.. Grossmith," she gushed. IF you
will leave the book at the stage door
with your address and ninepence fol
the Actors Benevolent fund" replied
the actor, Il shall do so tomorrow with
pleasure" The girl objected. An ac
tress. she declared, "who was far bet
ter known than he, had signed her
book for sixpence." She pouted at Mr.
Grossmith's obduracy. But suddenly
she frightened. Il known she ex
claimed. "You shall have the nine
pence il you'll do me picture as
well."-New York Sun.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
Our Presidents.

We are approaching the date Of the
Inauguration of a new president of the
United States. 1t is well that every
man, woman and child In the land
should know intimately the character
of the men who have held this exalt-
ed station. They have all been worthy
Americans, and the story of their lives
is, on the whole, an inspiration. IL
goodness is greatness, and certainly 1t
is the first requisite of greatness, then
they have all been In some degree
great men, a few of them having been
eminently worthy to rank with the
leaders of any time or cline.
The president elect is largely an I'M
known quantity to the American peo-
pie, and 1t will be impossible to assign
his place until after his term Is closed.
countrymen without regard to party or
section. He will be perhaps the most
scholarly of our presidents, with the
possible exception of jefferson and
Madison. An eminent political econo-
mist, a profound student of the his
tory of his own and other lands, the
head of one of our great universities
and governor of one of our original
states, his training would seem to fit
him peculiarly for his difficult task.
He is not unlike the type of our early
presidents.
The average age of our presidents at
Inauguration has been about fifty
four years and six months. Wilson IL
fifty-six. Seven out of the twenty-six
were born in Virginia, which is also
his native state. Nineteen have been
lawyers, and he was once a lawyer.
ocrat. Five have been OF Scotch-Irlsh
ancestry, and he is of the same ex-
traction. Seventeen have been college
men, and he Is a college man. Thirteen
out of the twenty-six were soldiers,
among them the most eminent generals
In our history. The other half saw
no military service or none worthy OF
the name Wilson will make fourteen
nonsoldlers and incline the balance to
the peace side.
Descending to more personal. If more
trivial, particulars, it is astonishing
the number of presidents whose names
have terminated in the letter IN" VIII
son will make eleven such. He will
be the eighteenth smooth shaven presi-
dent. only four having had full boards.
two partial boards and three mus
taches. He will be the nineteenth with
but single Christian name, although.
like Cleveland, he originally had two.
Finally our presidents have all been
patriots who believed IN their country's
institutions. III which the new presl-
dent resembles them. This Is the I'm
portant polet, ]. A. EDGERToN.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
His Own Manuscript.

George AIDE in the early days of his
career. before the FABLES In Slang
had brought him fame. called one
morning in Chicago upon Sunday edi-
tor on mission from a theatrical man
ager
II have brought you this manu-
script he began. but the editor. look
ing up at the tall. timid youth, inter.
rupted:
Just throw the manuscript in the
wastebasket, please" he said. Pm
very busy just now and haven't time &c
do it myself"
Mr.. AIDE obeyed calmly. He re.
sumed;
II have come from the - theater
and the manuscript | have just thrown
In the wastebasket is your comic farce
of The Erring Son. which the man
ager asks me TO return to you with
thanks. He suggests that you sell it &c
an undertaken to be read at funerals"
Then Mr.. AIDE smiled gently and with
drew.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
EMBARRASSED.
A story on an EnsIishman That Has
a False Ring to Il.

A Story on an EnslIshman That Has
a False Ring to II.
One time an English journalist was
visiting In Washing on. He had the
proverbial British obtuseness when it
came to getting the point of a Joke
and the newspaper men at the capital
had good deal of fun at his ex
pense. But he was good fellow. and
when be was leaving the boys gave
him a dinner
When the time for the speeches ar
rived the POSTMASTER spoke of the
pleasure the Englishman's visit had
given all present and the regret that
all felt at his departure. In conclu-
sion he said without a twinkle In his
eye:
And now it becomes my duty to see
that you do not leave us without some.
thing to remember us by. In behalf
of the Press club l now present you
with this ring"
Then. leaning across the table. he
struck a silver call bell that had been
left between him and the guest
Everybody laughed but the latter. To
eyerybody's surprise, he arose In his
place. picked up the bell, admired it
and put it in his pocket. Then he clear
ed his throat. and there was silence
for his speech:
"Ah-er-gentlemen thank you for
this charming am not a
public speaker, and so I'm a bit en-
barrassed. But-ha-ha! l know why
you all laugh. Your-ah-ehairman
was just as embarrassed as | am. He
gave me this pretty bell, you know,
and he got confused and said it was a
ring. by Jove. l must tell that when
| get homer-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
Never mind! Even If those beautiful
resolutions are broken you can make u
new set for 1914.


There has been discussion for years
of great automobile highway leading
from the Atlantic to the Pacific, but
until recently there has been little
tangible progress toward that end,
Now the matter is taking more con-
crete form. and a definite movement
Is on foot The two men apparently in
charge of 1t are Carl G. Fisher and
James A. Allison of indianapolis.
1t is proposed to raise $10,000,000 to
construct the highway, and the amount
has been apportloned among the vari
GUS states that would be traversed, so
that little of the expense would fall on
the federal government As some Of
the states may be slow In acting, 1t Is
desirable that automobile companies,
associations and individuals, as well az
good roads societies, take up the mat
ter.
Recently one automobile company
decided to contribute per cent on
the basis of Sl5,000,000, amounting
to 100000. Several organizations at
Colorado Springs, including the cham
Der of commerce, Good Roads associa'
ton, Automobile club and county com,
missioners, recently adopted resolutions
warmly commencing the plan and In
vited other similar bodies throughout
Colorado to join in the movement and
make sure that the road crosses the
state
Such a highway would benefit others
besides automoblists. 1t would be a
help to farmers living near 1t, to the
states through which it passes and to
the nation generally.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

Switzerland Is the oldest continuous
republic in Europe and is interesting to
Americans for the further fact that
For example, the initiative and refer.
endum, about which there is now so
much discussion In the United States.
were first tried out by the Swiss.
Mr.. w. K. Tate, supervisor of the
rural schools of South Carolina, re-
Gently spent three months In Switzer-
land In a study of the schools. In a
recent conference of educators at the
United States bureau Of education he
gave some of the results of his obser-
vations.
Among the interesting things he
found-interesting because so different
lis that nearly 80 per cent of the
teachers are men and that they stay
in school for life or for long term of
years. The Swiss teacher must be a
man of parts, for he has an amusing,
not to say amazing. list Of duties out
side the schoolroom. To quote Mr..
Tate:
give hundred dollars is considered
good salary for a teacher. After life
time of service he may go as high as
$500. Living is cheaper there than
here, however, and In addition to his
salary he is furnished with dwelling.
a certain amount of garden land and
wood for fuel His dwelling is gener-
ally in the same building with the
school His position is of considerable
local Importance. Aside from his du-
ties of the schooroom, he Is often sec.
rotary of the local creamery associa
ton, leader of the village band, organ
list In the church and general intel.
lectual guide for the community.
zone of the most attractive features
of the Swiss schools is the cordial per.
sonal relation that exists between
teacher and pupil. When the children
go to the classroom they shake hands
with the teacher, greeting him as II
they had not seen him for long time
and are really glad to see him.
Failure to be promoted Is rare.
After the four years of elementary
training in the primary school, pre-
scribed for everybody. the children
proceed into schools that are carefully
differentiated for the various types of
children, according to the ability and
aptitude of the individual boy or girl
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
What He Did.

Willie had yellow dog that was a
perfect nuisance. but so devoted was
the boy to him that he could not be
persuaded to have him killed One day
when his father had been unusually
annoyed by the antics of the dog he
called Willie in from play and said:
MY boy, I'll give you dollar II
you get rid of that dog"
Wilie's face expressed great amaze
ment at the thought of so much money
belonging to him. He looked long at
the dog and finally told his father be
would give him his decision the next
day.
The following day Willie sought his
father and said:
I've got rid of Max, father"
I'm more than glad, Willie" said
the father Here's your money; you
have earned it. How did you get rid
of him?"
Why" answered Willie as he put
the money in his pocket. II snapped
him to Bill Morgan for two yellow
pups. Tit Bits.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
He Knew.

"oh." said the stranger in the inter
view with Timkins. what want is a
reliable clerk for the weighing room,
one who knows what's what. Do you
understand
Timkins nodded
"You know your weights and meas
ures tables. of course?" went on the
manager. You might Just run through
them now"
Fifteen ounces make one pound
began Timkins
Go in and start at once" cried the
manager. with grin of satisfaction.
you're the man for mep'-London
Weekly TELEGRAPH.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
One Thousand Dollars Reward

will pay One thousand Dollars
reward, cash, for the detection and
conviction of any person or persons
implicated in the burning of my home,
situated az Whitehouse Station, N. j..
about p. NJ. on the fourteenth day OF
November past. The Rev. H. l..
Jones, pastor oft Dutch Reformed
Church OF Whitehouse Station, who
was one of the first to enter said house.
advises me that he is positive same
was fired by use of naptha or some
other infammable material. All others
who endeavoredito save my home adj
wise me practica ly the same.
JAMES N. PIDCOCK,
Remington, N. ].
a-a6lI2.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

while the cash
register s { o o d
forlorn and neg
lected and cob
webby on its
shelf. He was
calm. but there
was that In his
air that told of
bllghted b pes
and the fall of an
Ideal. However.
the Celtic vivae-
ity of expression
awoke at some
wayne reference
to the cash reg
ister.
"Ahr he ex-
claimed. T b e
curse o. Crum-
mel be on 1t. on
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

At the request of the British au-
thorlties Edouard Myths was kept out
of the United States because he said
that King George V. once contracted a
morganatic marriage. If the powers
that be continue TO make so much fuss
about Myths some people will con.
clude that he told the truth.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
nannarnus Ground

1t was in the churchyard The
morning sun shone brightly, and the
dew was still on the grass. "Ah, this
is the weather that makes things
spring up" remarked the passerby
casually to an old gentleman seated on
a bench
"Hush!' replied the old gentleman.
'1'ye got three wives buried here
st. Louis Dispatch.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

Somebody has pointed out that Ma
poleon's downfall occurred in 1913,
that Louis XIV. lost his power In 1913
and that therefore dire happenings
await us In 1918. Cheer upl We can
spare any Napoleons or Louis XIy.'s
that happen to be loose among us.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

Since 1t was proposed to celebrate
the centenary of trousers It has been
discovered that they We're worn away
back In the middle ages. When the
iconoclasts attack even our pants there
is nothing safe.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

Wall street is like Turkey when
either Is threatened from the outside
It promises reforms which never ma
terialize. That game is about played
out both for Turkey and Wall street.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

Somebody has suggested that the
reason insurance companies give away
calendars is to remind people of the
flight of time and the brevlty OF life.
Quite a clever idea, but 1t was mean
20 give It away.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

The mayor Of Boston complains that
the girls did not take full advantage
of their leap year opportunities and
advises the men to pop the question.
Is his honor trying to organize himself
into matrimonial bureau?
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
Whnlasala

A man walked into the office of the
Western Pacific recently and asked for
a pass for himself and eight children.
Charlie Craig, the chief clerk. looked
at him moment before he could reply.
You are in the wrong department"
said Craig finally. What you want Is
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
oday.
ing leps.''

Today.
So here hath been dawning
Another blue day.
Think, wilt thou let 1t
Slip useless away?
Out of eternity
This new day is born.
Into eternity
At night will return.
Behold 1t aforetime
No eye ever did.
So soon IL forever
From all eyes is hid.
Here hath been dawning
Another blue day.
Think. wilt thou let 1t
Slip useless away?
Thomas Carlyle,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

Venezuela has discovered what to do
with ex-presidents She makes 1t so
hot for them they cannot live in their
own country and then forbids them to
land in any other.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
Only a cYnic,s Opinion.

Cynicus Il wonder why he never
married
Sillicus--I believe he was once disap-
pointed in love.
Cynicus-Impossible. No man is ever
disappointed in love till he marries.-
Philadelphia Record.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

IOutiu MN NA'
but doleful. his
very soul rent
with grief over
the populations
of his barkeep
ers.
Faith, a D d
I've trie d all
sorts of thin
Catholics, black
Protestants and
Jews. Divil a
bit cud / ever
tell which shtoie
the most, but |
have thin now.
I'm afther buy
in this new in
vintion: tbs call
ed a cash re- gis-
ter, and divil
burst the man
who can shteal
from that thing"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

thin that made USING HIS POCKETS
1t and 90 thin 70"
that told me it would prevint sbtealing
Thin barkeepers had it bate the firsht
week; they wint trough 1t like the
divil wInt trough Athlone-in shtand-
ing leps."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

A Missouri office worth from $4,000
to $4,000 year was left unoccupled
for thirteen years Possibly nobody
knew 1t was there.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

From the demands made by her
peace ENJOYS Turkey evidently has not
recovered consciousness and does not
know there has been a war.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

The tallest hotel In the world has
been opened in New York. A lot of
people will live high there.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

Anyway, high prices have not affect
ed New Year resolutions. They are as
cheap as ever.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10
- The -
Scrap Book
MuIoshy's Lament.

Thirty-hve years ago Muicahy dis'
pensed both liquors and politics IN the
Fourth ward. New YORK A Vlsitoi
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1913-01-10

than two weeks before the visitor call
ed again. He found him tending bar
himself. using his pockets for a till.
Carroll County democrat. (Huntingdon, Tenn.) 188?-1971, 1913-05-02
c0MFORIMd WORDS
Many a Huntingdon Household
VIII Find Them So

10 have the pains aud aches Of
a bad back removed to be entirely
free from annoying, dangerous
urinary disorders, is enough Ia
make any kidney sufferer grateful.
The following advice OF one who
has suffered will prove comforting
words to hundreds of Huntingdon
readers.
J. H. Tucker, engineer. Me-
kenzie, Tenn, says: "Doan's
Kidney Pills are a wonderful kid
ney medicine and | am certain
that they can be relied upon to
cure backache and kidney trouble.
For years | suffered from the lat
ter complaint and | was in misery
most Of the time. 1t was hard for
me to straighten after stopping
and the kidney secretions were
scanty and painful in passage. [
continued to suffer and had no
hope Of finding relief until | pro
cured Doan's Kidney Pills. They
made me feel better in q remark
ablysbort time, and / continued
taking them until | was completely
cured. There has never been ahy
recurrence Of the trouble"
For sale BY all dealers. Price
30 cents. Milburn, Co.,
Buffalo, New York. sole agents
for the United States.
Remember the name Doan's
and take no other.