The daily Alaskan., 1913-03-24
AN AESTHETIC WIDOW
 By NJ QUAD Copyright. 1913. by Associated Lit-
 erary Press.
B, M QUAD

 living in the town of Farmdale, She was a widow. She was almost slx feet tall and weighed nearly POO pounds. The Widow Iongbody had female friend over at Clover Hill, who had become aesthetic. She saw beau. ty In tue desplsed sundower. She pal pitated when she saw catnip growing. She raised her eyes to heaven over burdOcks and pigweeds. At the first go of the widow laughed about 1t. but when seriously informed that it was the thing to do she adopted It.
 Deacon Tracy, widower, had been courting the widow and had almost decided to pop the question. He had dropped in and was just clearing his throat to say something that the world has forever lost when she stopped him with:
 Deacon. you look like a fright with those whlskers. and ] hope you will have them hood off before you call agalnr
 Hoe or these ere whlskersF' be exclaimed in amazement By gum, but do you know what you're talkin' aboutT
 "Then for mercy's sake get them dyed! The color grates on meF
 "I'd like to see myself feedin' dye to them whiskers! Anything else on your mindy'
 "You drag your legs when you walkT
 'I do. eh? I remind you of an old knee sprung horse, do IF WaaI, l kin drag them legs right outer your house and take my whlskers with 'emF'
 Mir. Johnson. who bought butter and eggs and shipped them away to the city. had also an eye on the widow Longbody. She always entertained him very pleasantly when be called. and be had begun to feel the rose Of love blooming in his heart On what proved to be his last call the widow queried Of him:
 MT. Johnson, why don't you wear wigT"
 "A-a wigI"
 "Yes, wig. You always sit with your legs poked out like a pair of posts A man with such shanks as yours ought to hide 'emr
 "I have been insulted. woman! I'll leave your hOusew
 And have your eyebrows thinned outr was the widows parting shot
 In front of the widow LongbOdy's home ran a stream they were pleased to call Plug river A bridge across 1t had long been needed and talked of, and the county finally voted it
 Every bridge in the country districts has always been painted red, if painted at all. It was red for this bridge The widow was away for three days, and when she returned the bridge was half painted.
 Stop, stop, It cannot be! It shall not be!'' cried the aesthetic.
 whats the kickT' asked the man who had the work ln charge.
 Ut screams! It howls! It shrieks! It murders harmony and kills the land scape! could not live here a day with that red thiug staring noe in the face, Ughr'
 She was told that she would have to endure 1t or move Aesthedcism was all right when applied to sunfowers and bull thistles. but when it came down to red bridges that was a mat ter of business
 "Oh, 1t is, chg was answered. Well, there's another thing that is a matter of business"
 Along the western side of the town the widow owned a strip of land which had a hill on it-a bill and a spring. With her free consent the water was piped down from the spring to supply many families and used to sprinkle the streets. When they refused to change the color of the bridge the water re- fused to flow downhill. The people howled, but they were helpless After a week It was agreed that the aesthetic might name the color She decided on a pearl gray. After a third of the bridge had been covered she changed lt to vivid green. Then she wanted white with green trimmings.
 No more foolingr was the decision of the taxpayers when they realized that the widow Longbody might 6nal- ly demand that the bridge be covered with gold leaf
 "very wcIl," replied the woman as she prepared her second surprise.
 Her husband had opened a street for his own convenience and had never deeded it to the town People had bought sites and erected houses. They suddenly found themselves fenced in. When they went to the lawyers the le- gai talent hunted the matter up and replied:
 If you touch the fence she can have you arrested for trespass"
 The town hated to be beaten by woman and was talking about big lawsuit when along came a lightning rod man. He was a jim dandy of man He was a wooer from Wooerville- He talked and he wooed and he won In fortnight he had won the widows heart and hand. When this facg was rumored the bridge committee called