davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
Sidewalk Sketches
Ey Howard L. Ram
MOONLIGHT.

poets got their start by attacking
the muse of poesy in the moonlight
with fountain pen, ever and anon
landing heavily on the pre-occupied
visage of the domestic mosquito.
You can take staid business man
who doesn't know whether Keats
was spit ball pitcher or a grand
opera star and lead him out into
the moonlight, and inside of ten
minutes he will begin to spout poetry
with the enthusiasm of an Oklahoma
oil well.
In the smaller cities Of the country
the electric light plant shuts down
whenever there Is the slightest sus-
picion on anybody's part that the
moon ought to be up. This Is a. COM
Portable habit and has allowed many
man to waltz blithely up the front
walk and fall into the outstretched
arms of the lawn mower, arising with
murder in his heart and deep, throt-
bling dents in both shins. Moonlight II
all right for lovemaking, but as sub
stitute for the tubular lantern It 10 .
CHASTITY joke
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

Newspaper Synolcaue.)
When three mature maiden ladies
each receive pointed note request.
Ing their presence at the residence OF
shy, discreet bachelor OF David
Melrose's stamp, indications nat.
rally lead to a matrimonial conclu.
sion.
SOn the Sunday afternoon men,
toned in the notes, secure In his
isolated cottage, David, very thinly
| clad, and totally unconscious OF
visitors, was busi1y engaged In his
weekly ablutions when he was
startled by loud rap on the door.
Peeping from behind a curtain
David was appalled, to find his
visitor was Mandy Peters, vinegar
faced spinster, he particularly alb.
hored. He was further appalled, by
seeing the approach from different
directions of two more spinsters Of
marrying proclivities.
His doors being unfastened and all
exits cut of, he acted on impulse
which was q precipitate retreat ia
Ills bedroom.
Miss Peters was joined by the other
ladies and the subdued murmur Of
debate came to David ears. Again
the knock was repeated, and as II
ELECTED no response, q frm hand
opened the door and q determined
step brought the visitors into the liv'
ling room. A giggly pretense Of mod.
est surprise greeted their discovery OF
Davids bath preparations.
"Hum." announced Miss Peters, in
acidulous accents. Evidently was
not expected quite so soon."
evidently we we're not either
echoed the others.
"Hum!" continued Miss Peters
did you ladies have an appointment
here this afternoons"
eve did," replied the others in
chorus.
| Doubtless he invited you to confer
with me on some important matter,
was Miss Peters lofty, cutting reply
The Misses Root and Branch were
properly subdued.
"A speaking silence held the mysti
fed David In its grip. What did 1t all
mean? He had not invited these
ladies'; in fact, they we're far from
!; welcome. The next remark OF Miss
! Peters made David gasp for breath
and retreat to the closet.
well, there is no use sitting here
like three sticks. Mr.. Melrose may BIZ
! sick in his bed and need our aid. LIE,
us look about" With Arm hand
the indomitable Miss Peters opened
David's bedroom door.
; In the excess Of fright David emit
Tied strangling sound like chok
! ing cat. Miss Peters heard the SCUM,
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
HELP THE ICE FUND.

More of the scorching days are COM
ing and there is much need for the
ice fund that The Courier is raising
to provide the cooling crystal for Of
tumwa's sick children. There should
be no necessity for any begging cam
paign" to get the wherewithal to buy
ice for the little unfortunates. Every
man or woman who has experienced
the discomfort of heated atmosphere
should contribute literally. Suffering
in hot weather is intensified many
times and it Is shame to think that
there are little children in poor homes
suffering and sweltering at the same
time
The Courier Ice Fund is meant to
alleviate this suffering. Have you con.
tributed yet? If not, why not?
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
TOO MANY AUTO MlsHAPs.

Des Moines Capital: There are too
many automobile accidents In Des
Moines. And for that matter there
are too many Of them all over the
country
It is not fair to blame all of these
accidents upon the automobile driv.
ers, for oftentimes the parties injured
are equally to blame But at the same
time, less senseless speeding on the
part of the autoists would eliminate
many of the mishaps. Every auto
driver owes 1t to himself to "cut
out" scorching and maintain rate
OF speed that shall be entirely safe
and sane.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
VACATION PLANS,

Mt. Vernon Hawk-Eye: Now that
vacation time is dawning, what are
you going to do with It? Mapping out
plan as to how best to improve the
out Of door season Of the year, when
business let's up little, can be made
Just as profitable as making syste-
matte plans In business way. Ma
ture demands something even of q
business man who sits at a desk or
WORKS behind q counter month in and
month out. It may not be anything
more than few hours of each week.
but plan something of the sort and
treat your physical nature as you
would that It would treat you.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

multitude of arguments being made on
the Negative side of the question. The
Council Bluffs Nonpareil in q lengthy
editorial sums up the arguments OF
the opposition as consisting Of the plea
that 1--WE don't need additional
grounds" That is mistaken idea.
The opponents of the capitol grounds
extension scheme are builders, not
destroyers and not even neutral as
they might be called if they argued
only that. there is no need of the i'm
provement."
The real argument against the plan
is one which marks the directors as
constructive and not destructive.
THEY ARGUE THAT THERE ARE
OTHER AND MORE IMPORTANT
WHICH SHOULD
BE MADE BEFORE MONEY is
POURED INTO A BEAUTIFUL PRO-
IJECT. They announce and are sincere
in it that they are willing yes, even
anxious to pay taxes for some I'M
provements that will be OF real and
practical value to the state. They are
not saying that they don't want the
capitol grounds improved. They are
afirming-and their voices grow more
numerous every day--that they want
other Improvements first. They want
improved roads. They want develop
ment of the states water power re-
sources. They want the streams
Strengthened. They want waste lands
reclaimed. They want dozen other
things that will in the long run put
money into the pockets OF 1owa's
people.
The Nonpareil sees nothing in the
objections that have been raised but
opposition to progress. Pray tell US
what does progress consist of. When
Rome became an empire the rulers
turned the resources of the nation to
providing themselves with beautiful
gardens, luxurious baths, splendid
palaces-was that progress? Wherein
will a beautiful park about Iowa's
capitol show the rest of the world that
we are progressive and that Iowa is
good place to settle.
AS a matter OF fact Iowa right now
has one Of the very finest capitol build
ings in the United States but go to any
other. state in the union and you will
find that Iowa is noted more for what
little road Improvement it has done
in the past gew years than for the
splendid home of its lawmakers. The
mothers of Iowa have won much fame
for this state by having taken a stand
fo- healthy or s'better babies" rather
than merely pretty babies. A beauti-
full capitol like beautiful baby is nice
to have but where Is the mother or the
man either that would prefer the beau
tiful baby to the healthy baby. And
in like manner where is the man who
would not rather live in healthy state
which is working for the material well
fare of its citizens, rather than the
state that builds them beautiful
capitol building and park and lets them
build their own roads. manufacture
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
STILL A coMMoNER.

Sioux City Journal: Mr.. Bryan was
in congress when Walt Butler was
there Walt used TO bring his lunch.
Perhaps Secretary Bryan remembers
the simple life the Fourth Iowa dis
trict representative lived, and has
borrowed the idea The big Nebras-
kan has grown SO great he can do
anything. At any rate. 1t is safe con-
clusion that he does not mean TO lose
touch with the common people.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
REAL PROGRESS.

Muscatine Journal: Iowa newspa-
pers are claiming Carnegie medal
for the Iowa woman who met rat
face to face and instead of squealing
and running, kicked 1t in the head
and killed it. Indeed women are max.
ing great progress these days.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
SYSTEM PROVES VALUE.

Cedar Rapids Gazette: The parcel
post system Ia proving big thing
and quite lucrative. The receipts dur
ing the first three months Of opera
ton are over seven million dollars.
But the department doesn't state
how much is the actual increase in
postal business due to the establish
ment Of the parcel post. At any rate,
however, the system seems to be
working very we'll, and none Of the
dire predictions made previous to its
installation appear to have material
iged.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
A Few Laughs.
Safe.

Little Mary was on the veranda In
the morning sunshine when she saw q
friend OF the family approaching, and
without waiting to be addressed, she
called, Hello, Mr.. Mason. I've had .
birthday"
"Why, Mary, is that SO? How old
are your"
-Four years DID," she told him.
II wonder, now, what I'd better do
to you?' Mr.. Mason pondered, and was
amused at the reply that came very
positively.
"You can't. I'm sitting on tt
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

Parents will do we'll to begin max
ing provision for Sane Fourth cele-
bration In their family. The boys may
kick little at not being allowed to
shoot cannon crackers, but better have
him kicking than not able to kick.
Take to the woods for the day.
Picnicking Is fine.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
roo MANY ACCIDENTS.

Cedar Rapids Republican: Automo-
bile accidents have become SO numer-
Gus that they attract no attention
except in their immediate localities.
Everywhere 1t seems to be the same
story, more and more accidents. And
one would have supposed that famil.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

The explanation that the militant
suffragette who was killed by the
kings horse was demented sounds
like redundancy. The statement that
she was militant suffragette would
have sufficed,
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
thing the Jap continuously refuses to
learn to do-that Is drink liquor.

The old chain drive auto Is we'll nigh
extinct, but II had one virtue not pos
sessed by most of the more modern
cars-it could be heard coming In time
to get out Of it's way.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
The REAL HOT PLACE.

Council Bluffs Nonpareil: No mat
ter how warm It gets, there are other
places where 1t is hotter. Don't land
yourself in any Of these warmer
haunts by growing about your pres
ent experiences.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
FINE IDEA.

Sioux City Journal: An American
cartoonist has evolved an idea that
should appeal to the English suhra.
gets. II the militant ones would walk
in front OF locomotives at railway
crossings they soon might have the
whole railway trafic Of the tight lit
tie island tied up Either that Of
their list OF martyrs might be swelled
to humanity staggering proportions.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

The latest addition to the class ad'
ded some frills that Emily Wilding
Dawson neglected. He brandished q
loaded revolver but fortunately no one
was killed but himself: Even the
horse escaped injury this time.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
THINKS he KNOWS.

Kansas City journal: President
Wilson has never been a manufac-
turer or a business man, but he has
read the British books on free trade
and consequently knows all about
what American tariffs ought to be.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
the WRONG IDEA,

while no particular arguments have
been advanced in favor of the ex-
penditure Of from $2,oOo,00o to $1o,-
100000 for the purchase and improve
ment Of additional grounds about
Iowa's already beautiful capitol, ex-
ponents Of the scheme continue in
their efforts to find fault with the
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
Iiarity with the machines would have
lessened the number OF accidents.
ROAD DRAINAGE.

Davenport Times: Proper drainage
appears to be large part OF good
roads. II the surface water cannot
run away after q shower 1t soaks IN
and makes mud II 1t can run of
quickly It allows the surface OF the
roads to dry quickly. A little inspec.
ton OF the average country road aft
or a shower shows what the need 10.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

Literally 80.
He-That's old man Driver who just
went by. He makes me tired.
She (reprovingiy)-That expression
Is not only slang, but very stale slang.
He-No slang about it. He's the
man work for.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

Strike, and we strike with you;
work, and you work alone" Is the
motto of the I. w. w.. discovered by
an eastern sleuth. It wasn't hard ia
find, either.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
SOMETHING WE 90 NEED.


A federal survey of the Des Moines
river has resulted in the positive state
ment by the government engineers
that an expenditure OF $10,000,000 can
make the Des MONIES river nav1gable
from It's mouth just below Keokuk to
the city of Des MONIES. BY means OF
the lock and dam. system, s1x-foot
channel could be built and maintained.
Here Is an opportunity for those
who are crying out for progress to turn
their attention to. In view Of the con-
troversy over the proposed enormous
expenditure for identifying the capitol
grounds, 1t might be we'll to set the
two projects against each other and
choose.
The question that confronts us is:
Which will be of greater berefit to
the state-a fifty-six-acre park about
the capitol, or six-foot channel from
the Mississippi river into the heart
of Iowa?
Docs the question need any con-
sideradon? Is there man In the state
other than owners Of railroads-Who
would have to hesitate before choos-
ing? Think what thia navigabie stream
would do to freight rates. Think how
much cheaper grain and produce could
be hauled to the great markets. Not
that the hauling would have to be
done over the waterway, but because
of its presence The Illinois and Michi'
gan canal connecting Chicago with
the Mississippi, while very insufficient
in itself, and very little used, Is never.
theless paying for itself every few
years In the cheaper freight rates
which it compels the railroads to
make, It's mere presence and the fact
that It offers cheap way Of moving
freight or produce. keeps down the
shipping expenses Of two-thirds, OF I'LL.
nois' farmers and producers.
But the lower freight rate Is N not
the only advantage that would accrue
from this expenditure Of 100000.
The building OF. dams would mean op'
portunity to develop water power.
Thousands of horsepower is wasting
itself In the Des Moines river every
day. while the legislature Is talking
progress" of the kind that merely
beauties the capitol grounds. Prog
ress that would harness up this water
power and make It work for the state
Of Iowa would be some real good to
the state,
But still another improvement would
result from the expenditure OF 10000
900 for the opening up Of the Des
MONIES river. The course Of the stream
would necessarily have to be straight
ened out and as q result there would
be little danger Of any more disastrous
floods. Further, thousands Of acres OF
land which are now Of little value be-
cause of being subject to overflow,
would Join the ranks Of the wealth
producing acres Of Iowa soil.
Taking all In ALL the legislature
would find that while there will con.
tinue to be protests from all quarters
over the expenditure Of from $4,000.
900 to 100000 for the extension of
the capitol grounds, there would be
state wide appreciation of the neces.
sary expenditure to improve the Des
Moines river.
The whole state would benefit in a
material way from the latter expendi-
ture. What will it gain by the former?
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
Different Directions.

Different Directions.
First customer wish to select q
vase.
Floorwalker-Yes. madam. James,
show the lady to the crockery depart
ment.
Second customer wish to select a
vawz.
FloorwpIker-Yes, madam. George,
show the lady to the bric-a-brac de.
partment.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
Town and civ.

They talk about the friendships in q
little country town
Where Mrs. Jones knows Mrs. Smith
has bought another gown.
She wonders how 1t can be done on
Smiths ten bones week,
And that gets back to Mrs. Smith AM
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
IowANs WHO MAY CONE BACK

Cedar Rapids Republican: There
are a lot Of people in the Panhandle
who want to 60 back to Iowa." writes
one man In letter to local Iowa
paper. Well. we will be glad to well
come them back. Some Of them may
have to begin over again. especially
If they have traded their Iowa lands
for Txeas lands, but it Is never too
late to begin in Iowa.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

It has to be admitted that Of all the
nations Of the earth, the Japanese
have advanced the most in the past
half century. There is, however, one
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

It is easy to avoid being branded
as lobbyist. Simply let them do
whatever they please to your business
or industry, look pleasant and keep
mum.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
Press Comment.
GOOD ADVICE.

Clinton Herald: That Is splendid
advice the Ottumwa Courier gives to
the autoists of that city when It says:
"Cut out the speeding. You'll hurt
some one" Autoists everywhere
ought to heed 1t.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
Unanimous

'"The Lord loveth a cheerful giver,'
Quoted the Wise Guy.
well, who doesnt?" retorted the
Simple Mug.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

Above all things keep cool mentally
II you would be cool physically.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
He Had He'd ouessIn q.

. F..
A nice but not especially clever
young man went to little evening
party in the east end last week--so
the story goes.
This young man was introduced to
several pretty girls, but he showed q
distinct preference for a certain one
of these, and her he led to S per and
distinguished among al others by his
favors. Finally he got her into . cor
ner and stammsred forth his admira-
ton thus:
81 like you q lott"
why do you like me?"
You're the only college girl ever
liked"
"But why am I Z"
Avail the other college girls seem
to know 50 much!"-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
No Moro Homes,

what have you done with the
Home Hints in your magazine?"
"Had to abandon them in favor of
a sufYragette department"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
Hard Luck.

Broke, eh? What became Of your
Seeing London scheme? Those tour
ing cars work everywhere else
Couldn't get any business for
three months"
ing up a new thing?
"You don't understand We struck
a long run OF foggy days"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
then they do not speak.

Too many people know your biz In
little towns like that;
I'd rather live city life. contented In
my nat
NV neighbor doesn't know my name.
how much pay for rent;
He doesn't know how much get, and
doesn't care cent. .&
An Heiress.
"He calls her his treasure.
Mere hyperbole.
mot in this case She 10 engaged to
an impoverished count"
AZ the Youngster Saw Him.
Here Ia another proof thst We can
never sec ourselves an othe: see us.
This time 1t is supplied in story
told by Congressman Claypool Of
Ohio.
"some time ago." said the Con.
gressman, "the ticket agent Of an
Ohio railroad was called TO the brass
barred window Of his little ofiice. Be.
fore the window stood q moth4rly
little woman. Beside her stood 9
bright-faced boy.
~ Please Sir, c010 tho mOInoTly
little woman, addressing tho agent
what time does the next train leavs
for Columbus?'
"'It leaves ct 2:4S, madame. an
lswered the agent with a slight air o.
annoyance I have already told YOU
that no less than six times in tn;
last hour
S"'I know you have, sir gently re
turned the mothorly little woman;
but Johnny likes to see you come to
the window. He says 1t reminds him
Of. the ZOO "-Philadelphia Tele
graph.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
asFerred 70 I exIcourapher.

Referred 70 lexIcograPher.
Teacher-What is the derivation Of
the word lunatic?
Pupil-Luna, the moon, and-er-er
attic, the upper story.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
a Queer Boston Girl.

Don't you adore 1bsen?" demand
ed the Chicago girl.
eyes," faltered the Boston damsel
II don't always get him, though
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
Entertaining.

Most popular couple In our fiat.
We'd all hate to see them move out"
why are they 20 popular =
"They always leave the windowa
open when they quarrel.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
Not Certain.

Whats the matter?
"She has rejected me again. She
says this 10 final"
did she say how final?" inquired
the older and more experienced man.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
sIoht- seeino In New York.

sightseeing ~ view SoTN'
A few days ago District Attorney
Whitman got letter from q woman IN
Connecticut saying that she would be
in New York for few days, naming
the days, and was very anxious to see
the district attorney. Would Mr. Whit.
man write and let her know when she
could see him?
This district attorney answered by
letter, naming day and the hour. The
visitor, a well dressed, middle aged
woman, appeared at the time set and
was shown at once In Mr.. Whitman's
ONCE.
$50 you are District Attorney Whit.
man" said the woman. "I've always
wondered how you looked. Now I'm
going to see the Brooklyn bridge"
And she left before the District at
to-ney could reply. New York Sun.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24
Evening Story.
RUSHING A CLIMAX.
BY N. J. Cotton.

Copyright, 1918, by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.)
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1913-06-24

---| -"--I III NItST Cars, ~ - N -"
"Any changes?" asked Rip Van
Wrinkle.
Merely as natural sequence of
things you knew. They are still tim
kering with the tariff and Shamrock
XIV is about to try for the cup"