Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1913-11-07
have been told that your actor states.

have been told that your actor states
men are very amusing"
Once upon time in ancient land
there was a community where the
cost Of living dovetailed the ability OF
the community to pay. There every
thing was peace and plenty. There
every one was happy and hopeful
And 1t came to pass that self-chosen
few Of the community crossed giant
vulture with an enormous centipede
and there was birthed a mastodonie
gobblecraw. And as time passed this
gobblecraw grew. and grew, until Its
shadow darkened the community
playground, blackened its church
spire. yellowed its legislative halls
and gangrened its courts Of Justice.
/ When this mastodonic gobblecraw
arrived at maturity the community's
cost Of living was so high-pedestaled
that the daily wage Of the people,
save that Of the self-chosen few, own
ers of the mastodonic gobblecraw,
sufficed only for one half days ex-
penses. And the people waxed sullen,
and their wise men cried: Death to
the horse, the cow, the dog, the cat,
kitten and goat, for they require 30
much of the community's store that
the price of the balance rises and
rises until 1t Is beyond the peoples
ability to get one days sustenance for
one days efforts" And the communi-
ty wrangled the pros and cons Of the
policy of exporting the horse, killing
the COW, vivisecting the dog. skinnins
the cat and the kitten and crucifying
the goat. And 1t came to pass that
when the pro-and-connings were
pitched unto q frenzy, an agileminded
gazabo pointed to the community's
vision to the bursting g-with- -good-things
barn wherein the mastodonic gobDie-
craw abode, whereupon the now
frenzied community appointed COM
mittee to invite practical mastodonic
gobblecraw wing clippers and claw
extractors. The committee organized,
proclaimed and held forth at commu-
nifty hall until community hall became
the rendezvous of the. community
sun-gilding and moon-burnishins
dreamers. And as the committee
were about to recommend to the
much -harassed community the ex-
pertinent of pink-teaing and chocolate
caramelling the gobblecraw into q
state of voluntary give back-and-take-
no-moreness, a grizzled professional
gobblecraw hunter offered the fol-
lowing resolution:
BE it resolved, that this committee
cease its fiapdoodling and proceed
forthwith to shoot holes into our
enemy, the mastodonic gobblecraw
until his carcass shall resemble a
peekaboo, waist, and, se
BE it further resolved, that his
teeth and wings and claws be distrtb-
.uted among the children of the COM
munity as mementoes Of thing-that-
was -but-never- er-can-be-again."
And today travellers through ancient
land can read the following inscrip-
ton upon the giant shaft which marks
the spot where the mastodonic gobble-
craw fell when his carcass was bull
let-riddled to a peekaboo-waist hole
ness:
Here lies the creature Of the self
chosen few. It came like toadstool.
stayed like beggar a-horseback. and
went like the celluloid shroud Of a
hell-oent corpse" $50
And returning travellers tell that
in the humble cottage Of this ancient
community hearts are still busted
with gobblecraw wings; that their
God Bless Our Homes are framed
in gobblecraw's teeth, and that May
Day feasts and Fourth Of July clam
bakes the favorite toothpick is still
that which is fashioned from gobble-
craw claws.-New York World.