davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
A Turkish Joke.

A certain sultan of Turkey was very
fond Of gossip and sent for the banker
Abraham Beg to learn the small talk
of Pera and StambOul. AS Abraham
was being conducted to the sultan's
residence by the master of the horse
that functionary begged him should
the sultan question him on the subject
to say that the funds were at 80. his
majesty having been so Informed by
his ministers.
Poor Abraham consented.
He had not been long with Abdul
AZiz when he was questioned as to the
funds and replied as he had promised.
To the horror Of the banker. the sui
ton expressed himself delighted and
handed Abraham large bundle of
bonds to sell for him.
Abraham sold at II and paid Abdul
Aziz 80 The sultan had originated
that little Joke"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
Lend a Hand Anywhere.

II you cannot on the ocean
Sill among the swiftest fleet.
Rocking on the highest billow.
Laughing at the storms you meet,
You can stand among the sailors
Anchored yet within the bay
You can lend a hand to help them
As they launch their boats away.
II you cannot in the harvest
Garner up the richest sheaves
Many a grain both ripe and golden
May the careless reapers leave.
Go and CLEAN among the briers
Growing rank against the wall.
For it may be that their shadow
Hides the heaviest wheat OF all.
Do not, then, stand idly waiting
For some greater work to do.
Fortune Is a tickle goddess.
She will never come to you.
Go and toll in any vineyard.
Do not fear to do and dare.
If you want a field of labor
You can find it anywhere.
Margaret E. Sangster
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
ARE YOU A KENTUCKIAN 2"

Of MY Old Kentucky Home" The
hostess was passing among her guests.
beaming at the success of her enter
tainment and sure that everybody was
having good time when suddenly, to
her surprise. she came upon middle
aged man but slightly known to her
who was weeping silently but bitterly
in secluded corner. Thinking that
his heart had been touched by the old
song, she asked sympathetically
why do you weep? Are you Ken
tuckian?"
mo. madam" he replied. Il am
musician. Home COmpan-
ion
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
Retribution.

A young woman went into city res.
taurant for her lunch, but after a
glance at the tabIecloths and sniff Of
the close air she decided to eat else
where and started to 90 out. The pro-
prietor thought that she was leaving
without paying for meal and stopped
her. In order to avoid hurting his feel
ings the girl said:
Il find that have forgotten my pock-
etbook, so | can't eat here now" She
was hurrying away. but the proprietor
was kind hearted.
MY dear girl" he said. YOU sit
right down and eat: No young woman
is going out of my place hungry be-
cause she hasn't her money with her.
You eat now. and tomorrow you can
come in and pay me-
The young woman sat miserably
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
=
The -
Scrap Book
Old Eagle Eyes" Mean Trick.

Jake Beckley was one of the few
players who ever made me look like a
monkey" said old HOnus Wagner Of
the Pirates the other day. 1T happen
ed in Louisville years ago. and Tim
Hurst was umpiring. was on first
base and saw Jake hide the ball under
his arm. told him several times ! was
wise to such bush league stun. but
Jake pretended he did not hear. Final
ly. when Hurst was not looking.
grabbed the ball from under Jake's arm
and threw it Mto right field. Then l
started for second base. only to have
the pitcher throw another ball to the
second baseman. and l was run down
between the bases. felt so cheap
could have dropped clean through to
China. Beckley had been holding
dummy ball."-New York Press.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
The Conductors Mistake,

A conductor on the st. Louis and
Suburban railroad had such good run
Of business Sunday afternoon that he
had difficulty in keeping himself sup
piled with small change. Many pas
sengers who patronized his car handed
him dollars and bills of larger denomi
nations in payment of their fares The
conductor. however, managed to get
along fairly well until woman carry
ing a tiny infant boarded his car.
When he approached the woman for
her fare she handed him a five dollar
bill.
rs that the smallest you have. mad
ana" queried the conductor. fearing
another stringency in change.
The woman looked at the conductor
and then at her baby and made this
surprising reply. Yes; l have been
married only twelve months"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
Better Off.

One day during rehearsal at His
Maiesty's theater in London, Sir Her
bert Tree told a rather incompetent
young actor to step back little. The
actor did so. and the rehearsal proceed
ed. After few seconds Sir Herbert
repeated his request. "A little farther
back please"
The actor stepped back again. Sir
Herbert surveyed him critically for a
moment and continued the rehearsal
Then for third time Sir Herbert ask
ed him to stand back little.
But protested the actor. IF stand
farther back shall be off the stage al
together"
Yes" agreed Sir Herbert. that will
he much better"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
REVISION OF PROPOSED
GAME LAWS ASKED

HOQUIAM, Feb. Disappointing a
committee of five to draft resolutions
asking the amendment of the propos-
ed new game law, and making the
organization the Chehalis County
Sportsmen's association. 40 sports
men of Hoquiam met last night at
C. w. Becker's store. The result of
their efforts is expected to be Of
weight toward the establishment of
"safe and sane" law in the state. The
committee consists of Alfred Ander-
son, Albert Rockwell, Ben Halbert.
F. J. Moore anc Charles Becker.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
WAUGH 5
NEWS

The forecasts which tells us we
will have an early Spring are evil
IDENTIFY correct this year, for never
has February brought us better
weather than the past few days.
Easter comes a whole month
sooner than it did last year so
NOW is the time to think about
your new clothes.
We are receiving dozens of the
new Suits, Coats, Skirts and Dress
es on almost every train and are
prepared to show you clothes that
you will be proud of at prices any
of you can afford to pay. Already
our Spring trade has been good
and away ahead Of any former sea-
son up to this time. We believe
that the goods and the prices
should deserve all the credit for
this increase and that we will both
be losers if you don't give us a
chance to show you the new gar
ments.
Prices in an advertisement
mean nothing unless you can see
what you are buying, but we have
new suits that are made right and
will look well for at least one sea-
son that will cost you only $3.50
Extra values in snappy new
creations at $18.45 to $3.50.
Finest manufactured. all wool
novelty suits at $27.50 to $3.50
as fine as shown anywhere regard
less of how much the prices charg-
ed may be.
Over 100 new Sample Spring
Skirts, no two alike and all beau
ties are placed on sale today.
These sell from $5.45 to $685.
and would cost at least one-third
more ordinarily.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25

MADE MOTION AS IF TO PREVENT HER.
remark to his equerry. The latter re-
piled. using the term Your majesty
rather more alphabetically than usual.
The lady suddenly realized who they
were and. banging on the door. tried to
attract the drivers attention. apparent
ly with the idea of making Il hurried
exit.
"Oh. what have done:" she walled.
Heavens. what have | done? Stop,
stop. Let me out"
Calm yourself, madam, entreat
YOU" King George said reassuringly.
Even king is not an epidemic dis
ease!'
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
J. S. " AUCH
HOQUIAM DEFEATS CHEHALIS

HOQUIAM, Feb. 24.-Brilliant play
ing by both teams, enlivened occas-
ionally by remarkable display of
pep" and "ginger" by the visitors,
marked the basket ball game at the
school gymnasium Friday night, when
the Hoquiam high school team defeat
ed the Chehalis school team by a
score of 33 to IA.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
With a Sense Of Aumor.

Authors with enough real sense of
humor to tell good stories on them
selves are rare, but Luther Munday.
journalist and world wanderer, has
that quality. In his volume Of mem"
oirs. "A Chronicle Of Friendships" he
tells on himself the following yarn:
From time to time. after the man
ner of weakings. fancied myself
little at writing sonnets. notwithstand-
ing the fact that had had one snub-
bling from Yates. the editor Of the
London World. Twenty years have
passed. said l. and l may have i'm
proved So l sent up to Sir James
Knowles this time my sonnet called
Why Do Live?' His reply was. You
live. dear Munday, because you sent
your poem by post and did not bring 1t
yourself"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
PUBLISHERS NOTICE

Subscribers served by city carrier
failing to receive the Herald on Nor
day and Thursday BY 8 o'clock p.
win confer . favor on the Dublisn~
BY calling the City Messenger Co
Phone 1891. who win deliver . COP
Immediately. n
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25

down and tried to rat. and ns she left.
hiding her pocketboOk. she unused:
That's what get for ibbinE: And to
think that ! must come here again to
morrow o"-Womap's Home Com
paniOn.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
Saved Himself.
Why He We ut,

At Il reception one night a loud
voiced young man was invited to sing
Desuitory applause followed. and he
responded with Il vOciferOuS rendering
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
How to Remove Grease.

When grease is spilled OH wooden
table pour cold water over 1t immedi.
,tely. This will harden the grease
and prevent it from sinking into the
wood. 1t can then IL, easily removed
with y kuifp
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
They Didn't Need the Water.

I'm the days Of the old volunteer fire
department there was more Quenching
Of thirst than qienching Of cOnhagra-
TONS" said Fire Chief Kenlon Of New
York.
THE volunteer tiremen. I'm afraid.
were q sad lot Of rOistererS. There's.
story they tell about fire back in 1859.
lit was fire at an outlying farm.
and when the tiremen arrived with en-
CINE and hose the buildings were pretty
well destroyed
"'rhe farmer met them at the gate.
He said bitterly:
"'No uSp yer comm in. boys. There
hain't drop o water within two miles
Of us
usual merrymaking that accompanied
every fire. pushed right ON with their
apparatus.
Ion. that's all right they said
heartily. We don't mind drinking it
straight" Boston Herald
Saved Himself
Soon after Speaker Champ Clark had
been married he left home one morning
in fit Of mental abstraction and for
got to give his wife the customary fare
we'll kiss.
On the way down the walk he re-
membpred and at once knew he was in
trouble. Wondering what excuse he
could offer. he turned back to the
house. In flash of inspiration he re-
membered the date. Reaching the door.
to which Mrs. Clark came with rather
a grim smile. Champ held up one hand
and shouted:
"April fool" Washington Star.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25
Special Notice

All packages that can be sent
by Parcels Post will be delivered
free Of charge to any part OF Che
halls county.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1913-02-25

The Explanation.
How did the thieves get away with
that roll of carpet?' Il suppose they
beat Baltimore American.
The Washington times., 1913-05-23
GuidebOOk to Gallantry.
"M0pie" Manners.
By Alma Wooou,ard.

r AVE your dime all ready in your
- hand. saunter past the entrance.
i i And after you've gotten about
ten or twelve steps beyond
It. wheel suddenly, as though you've
forgotten something very important;
dash up to- the ticket booth, grab your
pink ticket and hot-foot it inside.
This method obviates many things
but principally the possibility Of the
girl you've made such a hit with see
Ing you enter such a bourgeois joint.
It's strange. but true. that few people,
pulling down less than a couple Of
thousand iron men a week will con-
fess to a penchant for the movies"
Once inside, the usher will chant:
Seats on the left aisle-plenty Of seats
on the left aisle
Pause for a moment, pick your left.
then on your way.
It's dark-very dark. There's some
thing pathetic on the screen-you can
feel the near-tear attention Of the au-
dience in the air when YOU lift your
feet and start to one-step down the
aisle. You have always been known as
sure-footed, from the time you took
your first step. and your mother said to
your 1dtuSI.
Just see how steady he is on his lit
tie feet. the darling"
But the darkened interiors of moving
picture shows were designed specially
to raze the records of the sure-footed.
So, after you've tripped. audibly. down
two steps. knocked a choice spot on
your knee against the iron edge of a
seat and interfered with pillar that
helps hold up the theater, you're going
to be about the most unpopular person
in that house.
THEY'LL hate you. They'll hate your
dim outline. They'll hate the way you
hold your head and the unseen shade
of your necktie. And from that time
to the end of the show. il anything
annoys them, no matter wnat the
source. they'll look over to where you We
skunk into a seat. and begin hating you
all over again!
But YOU should fret yourself, You've
paid your dime. So right In the SWEET
The Washington times., 1913-05-23
THREE KINGS TO DRAW TO.

The gathering of Kings and Emperors in Berlin
is of course notable affair to Europe, in its pres
ent strained condition of international relationships.
Properly perhaps they houd all be referred 10 as
Emperors; each carries the imperial dignity among
his titles though George of India doesn't work much
at the Emperor part Of his duties.
1t is curious that in this generation so much I'M
portance could attach in international affairs to the
meeting of the crowned rulers of Britain, Germany
and Russia There really is something suggestive
about the fact that while Germany and Austria are
allies, the venerable Emperor of Austria is not able
to be present. and all Germany is feting the rulers
of Austria's enemies. 1t gives look OF insecurity
to the triple alliance and suggests the possibility that
Wilhelm, always ready for the spectacular play is
smuggling up to his cousins, the Gar and the King
with view to making the best of situation in which
Europe's balance of power may be badly disturbed
That is the sort of gossip Europe INDUCES on such
an occasion as this Without doubt il has real weight
too 1t is not that the destnies of nations and races
are much affected by the visits of Kings and the ex
changes of courteses between Emperors. There
used to be personal alliances of that Sort there are
none now. The visits of royalty, its trappings and
receptions and banquetngs and all its god-laced
magnfcence are merely barometrlc. They don de-
ternne the friendships of nations but they indicate
The Washington times., 1913-05-23
THE PAGE AND GLOVER CASES.

Henry w. A. Page, of New York. seemingly pos
sessed by sort of monomania on the subject, wrote
bitter and lbelous attacks Congress and its men,
bers, and, being indicted and tried, was sentenced
to FIVE years Imprisonment and payment of ST 900
fine. The imprisonment was suspended on condition
that he would "be good" stop hurting the feelings
of public men, and report quarterly to the court.
For time he complied; but at length his zeal broke
out of bounds again. and he forwarded to the Pres-
dent another bitter attack men and institutions
generally Now he is to be locked up to serve his
sentence
There can be no doubt of the perfect propriety
of this procedure. Page has merted the full penalty
Yet his series of ofenses have been such that the
complete defense would be that produced by the
testimony of alieniss. There is little room to doubt
that the mans mind, however well ordered IT may
be as other things, is utterly unbalanced on this
subject of public and motives, and the corrup-
ton which he imagines is everywhere. If he had
been accused of killing instead of libeng some
body, he would have been found mentally irresponsl-
BILE and sent to an asylum instead of prison.
The contrast between severity in this case and
eniency in the case of Charles c. Glover, recently
before the House of Representatives is at least worth
noting Mr. Glover was accused of assault on a
member of Congress, by way of revenging himself
for what that member had said on the floor of the
House. His offense was specific, and was admitted.
1t was the offense of thoroughly intimate with
the relations and the decencies of public affairs of
man who knew just what he was doing. 1t was,
moreover, an offense committed with the utmost de-
liberation, for Mr. Glover had received his affront
months before the assault and there had been ample
opportunity for momentary passion to subsde.
Mr.. Glover, for mis- gross violation of the privi-
leges of member of the House, was summoned to
the bar formally reprimanded, and turned loose.
That was all.
Comparing the Glover and the Page cases, it
must be said that if Mr. Glover was adequately dealt
WITH then the penalty that is being exacted from a
lf-demented old with an imaginary grievance,
seems decidedly excessive. Perhaps Page is being
made an example of. in order that other people may
be warned not to offend likewise. The business,
however, of making examples which contrast so
sharply as these of the Glover and the Page cases,
is ANYTHING but desirable
The Washington times., 1913-05-23

EST part of the film (where Harry.
the handsome h'engineer, holds up .
mopkey wrench and rescues Stella
the beautiful station agent, from the
wild, masked robbers, who are Just
BENT On blowing the station safe and
getting the SIT that Stell's taken In
for tickets that morning), you spy q
seat toward the middl: and respect
fully ask six people to rise and get
to It.
Just hope that you'll never have to
marry into any OF their families: be-
cause it's only the ingraining Of the
Live and let live principle that keeps
them from putting you into a condition
where the tube roses and the sago palms
would be acceptablel
After you've gotten settled. some one
Dehlnd you starts 10 eat peanuts The
crisp cracking of the shell and the
odor of the freshly roasted nuts appeal
to you. vividly. You'd give your soul
at that moment. to crunch a peanut
you have the price, you haven't the
temertty to ask the six to rise again.
So you sit and suffer as long as Your
tormentor's nickers worth holds out.
When you've decided to enjoy the
films, despite the descriptive music
Mendelssohn's Wedding March and
silver Threads Among the Cold all
IN few short moments) the lady on
your left drops her purse.
Your sallantry asserts itself and you
stoop to recover It The space between
the seats is small-oh. very small in
deed-and you're long from your waist
up. So naturally your head manages
to find at least four sharp metallic
projections on the seat ahead This
sudden gouging of Your scalp causes
you to drop your hat and put your foot
on II "a new, clean straw lid il is).
Surely this is penance enough for
any sin you may have Committed-but
no. You hand the lady the purse.
She takes il from your knightly grasp
as though il were infected with cent?
pedes. tarantulas. etc. and turns i'm
mediatelv to her lady companion, re-
marking in sharp whisper:
The ideai No wonder they have
started an investigation of these places,
All the street loafers come in here.
just TO flirt with respectable women,
The IDEAr'
And on the spot YOU make I'd your
mind 20 be a mannerless mutt to the
end of your days.
The Washington times., 1913-05-23
CHIcACO'S LONG ADVANCE.

Illinois legislature has passed bill that marks
a long step toward a union railway station for
Chicago.
1t took Washington a generation or two to get
that.
Kansas City began agtating for its union sta
ton, as understand it, several years before the
and has been steadily at it ever since.
On the past performance dope, it looks as if
Chicago would have its union depot about the year
2ll8 But of course allowance must be made for
the fact that Chicago needs union station worse
than any other town in the world-and also for the
fact that Chicago is Chicago.
The Washington times., 1913-05-23

growing at great pace; it need be no surprise II II
manifests itself in serious forms before very long
The conservative leadership of Japan has long
been playing off militarsm against republcanism.
They have learned, as the tories of Britain long ago
did, that foreign is the best possible antidote
to domestic uprising radcalism. Japan is just
about the most fervidly patriotic nation under the
sun. Show it chance for war or grave foreign
complication, and its masses would starve, and for
get all other wrongs and nustices, until they mad
got around to the alien offender and settled with him.
So, to stave off the impending and inevitable do
mestc uprising, Japan has cultivated the part OF the
world power with some assiduiy and very likely the
present complication with the United States has not
been unwelcome to leaders who wanted the people
to have something of that sort TO think about.
But if the young Emperor should be lost to
Japan; if the last shred of loyalty to the ancient
traditions and superstitons should be swept away,
then what? How long would the simmerng social
revolution be STAYED of? 1t is very uncertain ques-
tion that nobody with information assumes to answer
with confidence But this much is known, that the
passing of the young Emperor just now or soon
might precipitate condition most serious to Japan
both at home and abroad. The new regency might
feel compelled to plunge into foreign war in order
to avoid domestic revolution; the other hand the
domestic revolt might come before the foreign COM
plication, or in spite of it.
The Washington times., 1913-05-23
The "ZoophiIist.'

THE ZOophilist organ OF the Ma
tional Anti-Vivisection Society
Of England in it's last issue
gives a description of a new
instrument for the elimination Of
rain in the slaughter of animals for
food" The instrument. according to
the description. "when the air IL
pumped into il. acquires pressure
of 100 pounds to the square inch and
releases Il bolt which is driven into
the animals head, and at once life Is
extinct" The council of justice to
animals. under whose auspices the
Iatnless method was demonstrated at
the Islington abattoirs. pronounced
the method safe as 1t Is humane
The Washington times., 1913-05-23
NOW FOR THE BIG BOOST!

The ball team is carded to play a solitary game
in Washington today-D. V.--and then series in
Philadelphia After that, next Thursday, it is due
at home for months series, in which it will meet
every other team in the league
Coming home from tour of the circuit, an ag-
gregation of pathetic wrecks that really ought be
in hospital instead of making magnificent fight
and hanging on like grim death, the team deserves
glorious reception. Don't worry about the pennant.
In little time at home the wrecks will be repaired.
the lineup restored and there will be a resumption
of the place that the best team in the league deserves
and will hold.
The authorities tell US that there's nobody to fight
except Philadelphia, and that the Nationals have
Philadelphia fading away We don't Just grasp the
language but gather that it is intended to encourage
persons with a friendly interest in behalf of Mr..
Grifhth's young men. At any rate, it is apparent
that the right thing to do is to 60 to the game
and whoop if up for the home team. 1t has made
marvellous showing in adversely. 1t is no
fair-veather aggregation. 1t has proved first
class fighting quality If you don't believe that and
don't want to shout for team that loses sometimes,
then 60 and shout because it'll be good for your
lungs.