Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1913-10-30
Heard on the Streets
OF THE TOWN
BY OUR BUSY, BUSY MAN

Many a woman who makes a mighty
poor wife, makes him rich husband
Ignorance may be bliss, but not when
a fellow wonders w'iopiczed his pocket
Now that the tbc rnless cactus and
the coreless apple are accomplished,
why not the stinkless gasolineH
As potatoes are to be very high next
winter there is some chance for an i'm
provement in boarding house hash.
About the only real get-rich-quick
scheme that pays these days is to play
on the worlds champion baseball tea M
Two things hold gang together,
whisky and easy money and it is hard
to say which has the most cohesive
power.
A French aviator was killed on his
three Thousand five hundred and first
ascension. Proof that he went up once
too often.
Why should any person desire to be
president of MexicoP But for the mat
ter of that why should men go wild to
be a county supervisor in Iowa2
AS warning tho first touch of win
ter has its value to the laggards, but
did any small boy in these parts ever
see any skating much before Thanks
givingH
Since we reported the case during
fair week when a $40 Confederate bill
was passed for face value. we hear it
noised about that others attempted to
do the same but were unable to get by
with it.
Girls, in selecting husband, you
should not be guided by the silvery APP
pearance, as in buying macherel; nor
the golden tint, as is the rule in select
ing salmon. Be sure to select him
yourself, as tastes differ.
There's bird called the pelican,
Whose mouth holds more than his
belican.
He can keep in his beak
Enough food for week,
But don t see how the helican. Life.
The report of the crazy man being
| at large near Audubon q couple of
weeks ago on Sunday night has proved
to be a practical joker, He had better
not attempt to play this trick again for
ii he does his hide might assay for lead
The lads of tender years who have
been holding nightly conferences on the
street corners the past three weeks feel
greatly relieved since the grand jury
has filed their report with the Court
Some who were not implicated are
breathing a little easier.
Congress is to be lst out for recess
and is warned to be in and at the desks
right away after Prof. Wilson raps on
the window with the ruler They'll be
there. Never has congress eaten
from the hand with more docility than
the present assemblage of sages.
A local doctor who was attending
little social function recently glared
disgustingly at the telephone. He
would fain relieve his mind, but there
were ladies present. Why" he at
length exclaimed ingeniously, should
| say hello when the reverse is true2"
| To become addicted to the use OF
candy and CONNECTIONS until life becomes
miserable unless the cravings are salts
fled, is almost as bad habit for women
to acquire, as the constant use of tobac-
co is for the men folks. Yet the men
have one advantage. Smoking does not
require the attention of dentist. But
candy does ~
We have heard a great deal about
the old time cowboys and scouts being
such deadly shots, but did you ever
notice, though, in these moving picture
shows, how many shots are fired and
how very few Indians are killed
There's enough shots fired for whole
army and the hero and heroine all thu
time exposed to the deadly ~ fire, but
they always come out of it unscathed |
and live happily ever afterward.
A number of Audubon couples have
taken advantage of the absence of the |
street lights the past week. At least ..
number of reports have been made OF
arms being out of place. One couple
got to quarreling out in the park Sun,
day evening after church. But while
she objected to bunny" hug in the
park full fedged bear hug was
countenanced on the front porch |
There appears to be much inconsistency
about these "oh don't-quit" stories.
81 had dream the other night"
said joker at luncheon table at the
Booster Cafe recently. 81 dreamed /
WINS III buSihOoo WIN DOu,
potted flowers. But business was bad
and we decided to discontinue business.
l wanted the pots and flowers and took
them"
What did Bob" wantH" asked one
of the guests innocently.
HE wanted the earth, and guess
he is still looking for it.
A young lady of this town loved by
several, and admired by all, has been
playing the game of courtship quite !
successfully during the summer and .
fall months On several occasions dates
have become mixed but she has been {
affable enough to overcome the en-
barrassments that naturally arose. But :
its all off now-with one of them. The
one who has been the most persistent s
seemed to be able to handle the situation
last Sunday--at least !
L. L. |