davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02
What Her Speech Was.

Beatrice HEREFORD, the famed
monologist, appeared in her spe-
cialty in London for a while. One
afternoon she had just made her
appearance on the stage when a
cat walked in and sat down. beside
her.
"You get out!" said HEREFORD
sternly. This is monologue,
not catalogue!"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02
The TeaCher-in-Chief

leadership politics and eg
Wilson much
SENSE. office but he's
quite a useful lessons
doesn't intend to frter
lately
snobbery The idle from all over the
c climbers growing like skunk cabbage president who
the climbers Wilson cutting He will do what entertaining he is
because thinks
worth while but that ALL THE CLIMBERS CAN'T CLIMB OVER HIM.
office
hunt office the notion that office
nothing
elsewhere Wilson little
selfish thinking the problems the of the peoples he
will big enough to bronze
Remember what stir made when Hayes banned the booze? Will
eh
doesn't have be teetoter that pretty good thing to have the
White or a
Goodbe beginning,
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02
1t Wasn't Like Sargent After All.

Once when John S. Sargent, the
famous painter, was at banquet
a young lady whom he knew very
well said to him: "Oh, Mr.. Sar-
gent, | saw your latest painting
and kissed it because it was. SO
much like you ana
And did 1t kiss you in re-
turn" .e.
why, no." .0s+
Then" said Mr.. Sargent, sit
was not like me-" r9n &.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02
The Bird and the Hypbep.

A teacher in lower grade was
instructing her pupils in the use
of a hyphen. Among the examples
given by the children was bird
cage"
That's right" encouragingly
remarked the teacher. Now,
Paul, tell me why we put a n.y.
phen in 'bird-cage?'
Its for the bird to sit on, "
was the startling rejoinder.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02
He WassBorn With 1t.

A woman was listening to a
longshoreman as he was deliver
ing himself of perfect torrent
of picturesque language.
my man," she said, where did
you learn such awful language?"
Learn, ma'am?" asked the
man in surprise. "You don't learn
it; it's a gift"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02
He Was Looking Too.

An Ohio farmer wrote that he
owned nine cows, and asked Rep
resentative Nicholas Longworth to
send him government extermin-
ator for flies. He got this reply:
Sorry, but I, too, am In quest
Of the same thing. I have no
cows, but I have a bald head"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02
Where Would He Be??P

EYES," said the storekeeper, 81
want good, bright boy to be
partly indoors and partly out
DOORS"
That's all right" said the ap-
plicant; "but what becomes of me
when the door slams shut?''
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02
Beyond Him.

well, Pat" said the doctor,
81 hope your masters tempera-
ture is lower this morning than
it was last night"
well, sur, that's hard to till,
sur" replied Pat.
"Why?" said the doctor, smil-
ing.
"He died this mornin, snr.n
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02

Here's little instance of state regulation that looks like vaen
tine for
The Consolidated Gas Electric Co, which has cinch San Diego
to be used in discharging its indebtedness
The of
that
hole the would
the that $500,0009
day evdenceslphase
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02

Now that good looking girls are even
Enpplanting men in running Tacoma
elevators, there will soon be little left
for mere man to do but go fishing.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02
Loud sox day and certain evidenc

of athletic frenzy indicate that some
Tacoma high school boys view the
schools as means to cultivate their
feet instead of their heads.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02

Swan Samson shouldn't feel too
much hurt at being called socialist
because a socialist banner hangs from
his hotel. The socialists probably feel
as Inundated as he does.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02

Let the winds blow, the rain descend,
snow, hail, thunder and lightning all
come upon us. We will even stand for
hurricanes and floods. Nothing can
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02

VIII tne presenting OF a petltlOn by
the Milwaukee shop employees today for
a municipal car line over the tidefIats
the city is becoming more sensitive to
the necessity of city owned road.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02

phase us now for whatever betide, life
will still be worth living for strawber-
ries once more are on the market.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1913-04-02

HE died this mornin', sur"
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-02-27
ORANGE SPRINGS

Orange Springs. Feb. s5.-Mr and
Airs. J. f. Carleton and daughter,
elizabeth of Memphis. Tenn, are
pleasant visitors to our town, the
guests of Mr. and Mrs r. A. Carlton.
Mr.. A c. Brabrook of Palatka was
a visitor here last Thursday.
Mr., w, A, EgeFston Of Long Beach,
Calf. was visitor who arrived here
last Friday.
DR., and Mrs, g. p. parramore are
visiting their daughter, Mrs Ellie
Fort of Tampa. When returning they
Will spend few days at Sarasota
with DR.. Parramore's sister, Mrs Elsie
Harvey.
Messrs. z. N. Tamraz and NJ C. Jor-
dan. Misses Moore and Florence Hall
and Lois Massey enjoyed a days OUT
ing on the oklawaha river and visit
to Blue Springs Wednesday.
Mr.. F. w. Eddy of California is a
visitor here looking over some real
estate.
Mr.. and Mrs. t. NJ, Kelley of Utah
We're visitors here last week and are
very much pleased with our climate
Mrs. r. S. Hunter OF Fox Lake, Wis,
is guest of the Carleton House.
Mrs. C. J. Carleton, who has spent
some weeks here visiting with rela~
tives, left last Saturday to visit rela-
tiYes in Ocala
Mr.. NJ. J. Holmes of Jacksonville
was registered at the Carleton House
last Thursday
Mr.. William B. Walton of Denver,
Colo, is a homeseeker who arrived
here last week,
Mrs. q. f. Mason of New York City
is guest OF the Carleton House,
Mr. vetrees of the firm OF vetrees
and Company, Paiatka, was business
visitor yesterday
Mr. Charles c. Hodges and his friend,
Mr. Ed Johnson, were pleasant visit
ers who spent last Sunday in Orange
Springs.
Mr.. ". H. Jackson of oca1a was
here last Friday He is representing
a wholesale shoe company.
Ruscha Harper Matilda APPEL. Nellie
Wells, Gladys and Ethel Hall. 0lir
Massey and Clarence Benson were
pupils on the honor roll last week,
At last Orange Springs Is to have a
depot The contractor with number
of workmen laid the foundation yes
terday
Mr. A. J. Baxter of the ocala North
ern was business visitor here las
Thursday
Mr.. and Mrs. Geo. W Davenport O
Gainesville were visitors here las
Friday.
Mrs. R. a. Carlton spent last Tues
day in Palatka.
Yesterday while Mrs. H. B. Wilson
was enjoying an automobile ride sh,
had the misfortune to lose very valu
able bracelet.
Mrs. Charles Moore, her daughter
Miss Amanda Moore and her nieces
Misses Lorena and Pauline Moore. wh,
have been pleasant visitors at Orang
Springs. left last Friday to spen,
some days at st. Augustine and Jack
sonvi11e before returning TO thei
home in Rushville. ILL.,
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-02-27
CURE FOR CONSUMPTION
brought to America by German
Scientist, who is Officially Rec
ognized by Our Government

New York. Feb. 27-The United
States government took official recog-
milton OF the claim Of DR.. Frederick r
Friedman to the discovery of a cure
for tuberculosis when, by order of the
surgeon general, a physician of the
United States Marine Hospital Service
DR.. Milton II. Foster, was sent to meet
the young German physician on his
arrival here yesterday aboard the
steamship Kron Prinzessin Cecilie
At the request of the government
surgeon, Dr. Friedman, after half an
hours conference aboard the steam
ship on the trip up from quarantine,
consented TO turn over a quantity of
his baccili to be tested by the govern
ment, and to demonstrate the efficacy
Of his cure before physicians of the
hospital service. He agreed to meet
laboratory expert of the government in
this city Thursday, to arrange for a
demonstration which will be tried on
tubereular patients.
DR.. Friedman, who comes to this
country at the invitation of Charles E.
Finlay, a New York banker. who hopes
the physician Will be able to cure his
son-in-law of the disease declares that
his remedy was not secret, and that
ne purposes TO make known 10 ali the
world" the method by which it was
created and the manner in which 1t
was administered. 1t consisted of
"bacilIi taken from turtle into which
tubercule baccilli from a human being
had been injected" he explained. 81
have been working upon the cure for
fpuF years and in the last two and a
half years / have treated from $500 to
1900 patients. How many / have alb
soIutely cured / cannot estimate. but
their number has run into the hun
dreds. The remedy cures all forms of
tuberculosis. except such cases that are
quite hopeless-that is, on tie point os
death. The process is a slow one. but
the first effects are 10 be seen two or
three weeks after incubation The
time when an absolute cure can be said
to be affected is a matter of months.
The method of administering is so per
cent OF the cure. / want all mankind
to benefit by my discovery. I have al
ready turned over some of my baccilli
to the German government. and / am
very glad to turn it over to the Amer
lean government"
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-02-27
SOME FINE MACHINES ron SALE

we have a brand new. 25-inch Chand-
Ter & Price paper cutter and seven
column stereotyping outfit, complete
except furnace. taken n with another
shop. VIII sell either or both cheap
for cash. Write at once IL interested.
Ocaaa Star. Oca1a. Fla
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-02-27
suRPRIsR rouR FRIENps

For four weeks regularly use DR..
Kings New Life Pills. They stimulate
the liver. improve digestion, remove
blood impurities, pimples and erup-
tions disappear from your face and
body and you feel better. Begin at
once. Buy at Tydings g. Co.-Adv.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1913-02-27

Merchants Cafe. A C. L depot cor
ner. Meals la carte and lunches at
any hour.-Ad.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-03-25

WHERE THEY ARE FOUND.
Finding a lady reading Twelfth
Night" facetious doctor asked:
when Shakespeare wrote about
Patience on a Monument did he
mean doctors patients?"
"No," said the lady, you find
them under monuments, not on
them"
Bryan is a great comfort to me-"
says Woodrow Wilson. Whew! but
won't little Willie Hearst turn green!
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1913-03-25
1oku IARxrIENr FANS

i Ye season opens April Ninth;
We pitchers curve, We rooters' cheer,
Ye crack of bat against ye' sphere,
l Full soone again they will be here,
Ye season opens April Ninth.
P. S.-Brooklyn opens its new park
April 9th with Philadelphia, day
ahead of the regular schedule.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1913-01-14
Assessing on Facts

THE meeting Of the Board OF As
SCISSORS brings to light the fact that
assessments are now being based on
something near facts and figures.
This is especially true of the corpor-
ate interests. Take the railroads Tor
instance. The Railroad Commission
furnishes the statemet showing the
net and gross earnings of the rail-
roads, also utility plants within the
state. Upon this basis the assess
ments are fixed and at present such
interests are paying one-third OF the
entire state government expenses.
This is assessing on facts and fig
ures. Its the escapes that are maxi
ing all the trouble. Every Assessor
assembled in Carson can tell of lands
that go in for less than one-tenth CT
their face value. Stock and sheep
escape, as it has been shown that
more cattle and sheep are shipped out
Of the state to market than are cred
tied on the assessment rolls. This is
assessing on guess work and the 9th
or mans word.
1t is to right just such inequalities
that the citizens are suggesting mod
ernized laws. The State Board Of
Assessors with the Railroad Commits
sion has brought the corporate hold
ings TO a point where they are paying
more than their share Of the tax. It
is believed possible by creating a tax
commission to bring all holdings
nearer IN equality. 1t in the end
means lower rates. more equality
and tax lodging under penalty. The
small man has no fear Of such inves-
tigation. It's the big holdings thar
will fight the proposition. The day
is coming when the farm and I'll
holdings will be assessed as are the
railroads and other properties, Nv
facts and figures. It's the only sys-
tenn that will bring the real results
both in cash and justice TO all vino
own property in any commonwealth.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1913-01-14
MEETING

A special meeting Of the Stockhold-
ers of the American Fruit Company,
a corporation will be held at the OF
fee of the Company, Room No. 3l4
Mills Building. San Francisco, Calf
tornia. on Saturday the 25th day y
January. 1913, at the heir of :
o'clock p. H.. for the purpose of act
ing upon the resolution adopted by
the Board of Directors of said COM
pany at a special meeting of said
Board held on the 21st day OF De
cember, 1912, wherein and whereby
it was deemed advisable in the judg-
ment of said Board and for the
benefit OF said company that said
company should be dissolved.
Transfer books will close on Mon
day the 2eth day of January, 1913.
ELWOOD COOPER, President
w. G.. ZEIGLEk. Secretary.
Once: 314 Mills Building. Saw
Francisco, California.
in,t publication. Dec, 26, -ell
Last publication. Jan, %. 1913. 4w
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1913-01-14
Wells Fargo in Court

THE traffic manager Of the Wells
Fargo Express company
that that company-and presumably
other express companies as we'll
compete with the parcels post This
means, of course, that Wells-Fargo
has decided that it can afford to carry
parcels as cheaply as the United
States Governmonet will carry them.
1t is a pity that the express com.
pnay in whose hands has been placed
so much of the welfare Of the peo-
pie of the West did not discover this
years age, that it could afford 10 give
the public the benefit of cheaper
rates. II it can afford to do 50, i.
these times of high prices, it ce--
tainly could have done so when
prices were lower. 1t did not. It's
policy constantly has been to hol1
the citizen up for every dollar he had
in his trousers pocket. and then turn
him upside down and shake him to
insure that nothing has been over
looked. This belated recognition ny
the express company OF the possibil
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1913-01-14

The sound commonsense with
which Woodrow Wilson is endowed
is strikingly shown in the announce
ment that "handshaking' days at the
White House will be a thing of the
past with the beginning of his term as
President. Mr.. Wilson will not de-
ny himself to any person having bus
mess with the President. but the set
ting aside of one day each week for
the Executive to be pu~mp-handled by
visitors who never saw him before
and may have little prospect of ever
seeing him again will cease. Mr..
Wilson is going to be a hard-work-
ing President and he sees no reason
why valuable time should be .acr;-
feed to such an inane and useless
function as the weekly reception
day has become. We believe the
country at large will applaud the
breaking away from this obsolete
and foolish-not to say dangerous
custom.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1913-01-14

itv OF reducing rates will add nothing
to the fragrance OF its record. 1t Is
too manifestly a forced put 1t is
too much like the case OF the GRIMM
al who. standing before the convicI-
ing magistrate announces that he VIII
be good if he can have another show
If there could be any doubt of the
truth OF the last assertion-but there
canno. bet would be dissipated by
the express company's announcement
that it will carry parcels at govern
ment rates up to the eleven pounds.
That is, it can afford to do this thing
Just as far as government competi-
ton compels, but no further. The
prisoner at the bar promises to Dc
Just as good as he has to be.
OF all the robber barons that have
taken their highway toll from the
people of the West there is none
that has been quite so rapacious and
shameless as Wells-Fargo. and the
millions of citizens whom it has held
up are witnesses to the fact. Nov
that it comes whining into court and
promises that it will be just as good
as it has to be, we may as we'll re-
member its record. Perhaps here.
or there. in doing So, we may be
able to subtract a dollar from those
dividends of which its past record
has left it no need.-Sacramento Bee.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1913-01-14

Try your luck at a game of boz
ball at Paxton's. 1t is a nice game
and good exercise these cold even
ings.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1913-01-14

Try those Hot Beans Spanish every
noon and night at FRANK HILLS
SALOON S-w
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1913-07-24


h eseresO reigio picur Weref
t
y wa acc o
$ there
act Tho took pato
s.,
]
o
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1913-07-24


staggering journey
Soldiers and police kept the crowd back in those While when collapsed in
tel
"The Raising
Of of
@ hem
sto Of
The MIST trying Of all the the which actually do nl
two vertical poles by Of So and without hand steady the
dso that dme'
ring
wuldbe sory o miss
The Clovis news. [volume] (Clovis, N.M.) 1907-1929, 1913-10-30
INDIGESTION, GAS
OR BAD STOMACH
Time i'll Pape's Diapepsin ends
all Stomach misery in five
minutes.

Do some foods you eat hit back
taste good. but work badly; ferment
into stubborn Jumps and cause sick,
sour, gassy stomach Now, Mr.. or
Mrs. Dyspeptic, jot this down. Papo's
Diapepsin digests everything. leaving
nothing to our and upset you. There
eve was anything SO safely quick, so
certainly effective. No difference how
badly your stomach is ~disOrdered you
will get happy relief in five minutes,
but what pleases you most is that It
strengthens and regulates your stOm-
aoh SO you can eat your favorite foods
without fear.
You feel different as soon as "Pape's
Diapepsin" comes In contact with the
stomach-distress just vanishes-your
stomach gets sweet, no gases, no belch-
ing, no %eructations OF u~ndigested food.
Go now, make the best investment
you ever made, by getting a large fifty
cent cas- OF Pape's Diapepsin from any
store. You realize in FIVE minutes how
needless it is to suffer from indiges-
ton, dyspepsia or bad stomach. ADV.
The Clovis news. [volume] (Clovis, N.M.) 1907-1929, 1913-10-30
RINGWoRM SPREAD ON HAND

R. +. D. No. 2, BOX 81, Ellijay, Ca
my sons ringworm began on the
back Of his hand. A fiery red spot
came about as large as a dime and It
would itch so badly he would scratch
It till 1t bled. It began to spread till
it went all over his hand. He would
Just scream every time / went to wash
it. The nail came of on the middle
finger.
Il used -- and IL got worse
all the time. The trouble lasted two
or three months. Then / sent and got
some Cuticura Soap and Ointment and
began to use them. / would wash
his hand with the Cuticura Soap and
dry it good and apply the Cuticura
Ointment. Relief was found In two
or three days and the rlngworm was
cured in two weeks after using Cuti-
cura Soap and Ointment" (Signed)
Josie Parks, Jan. A, 1913.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample Of each
free, with 32-p. Skin Book. Address post
card "Cuticura, Dept. L, Boston."-AdV
The Clovis news. [volume] (Clovis, N.M.) 1907-1929, 1913-10-30
Able Assistant.

The small son of a clergyman who
was noted for his tiresome sermons
overheard two friends Of his father
saying how dry they were, and how
hard It was to keep awake during
them. The following Sunday, while
the minister was preaching, he was
estounded to see his son throwing
pebbles at the congregation from the
gallery. The clergyman frowned
angrily at him, when the boy piped
out In a clear treble voice.
IT'S all right, pop. You go on
preaching; I'm keeping them awake"
The Clovis news. [volume] (Clovis, N.M.) 1907-1929, 1913-10-30
NO CHOKING JACK" FOR KERN

Observations made during a summer session
OF congress seem to acquaint one with the true
inwsrdness of things much more wildly than
those made during the winter sessions. Swell
tering in his hotel one torrid evening, a promi-
nent leader was bemoaning his lot. Only a few
miles distant a delightful summer home await.
ed his coming, but alas-he was detained here
to look after the caucus. Yet John Kern, sen
ator from Indiana, had no intention Of hooking
Jack from duty. It was a humid evening and
the Precipitation stood in beads on his broad
brow, and how could a human senator be ex-
pected to forget the home Of his heart, amid
the Virginia mountains? Here his father was
born, and in emigrating to the west, the elder
Kern dreamed Of the time when he might re-
turn and own the land which so greatly and
wonderfully figured In the pictures Of boyhood
His wishes were more than fulfilled, for he
spent many happy days at the old home during
the sunset of life.
Senator Kern is known as a true Hoosier.
Like many lndianans his forefathers came from
Virginia to Kentucky and thence to Ohio. with
his old home town Of KOkomo are associated
The Clovis news. [volume] (Clovis, N.M.) 1907-1929, 1913-10-30
DON'T TAKE ALOMEL
FOR LIVER TROUBLED
Have You Heard Of the New Constipation Remedy
from Hot Springs, Arkansas, that Thou
sands are Joyfully Praisingl
Just 90 to your druggist to-day; So

Just go to your druggist to-day; say
I want a 25 cent box Of HOT
SPRINGS LIVER BUTTONS; use
them as directed and soon all your
stomach, liver and bowel troubles will
be over.
The great physicians in Hot Springs
prescribe them for constipation, slug
gish liver, Indigestion, sick headache,
dizziness, blotchy and sallow skin and
they certainly are fine.
Take safe, gentle, blissful HOT
SPRINGS LIVER BUTTONS for a
week, They will tone up the liver
thoroughly, cleanse the bowels Of
poisonous accommodations and make
you eat better, sleep better, work bet
ter.
They are great for nervousness and
as a body tonic. Postal brings free
sample from Hot Springs. Ark.
The Clovis news. [volume] (Clovis, N.M.) 1907-1929, 1913-10-30

wv PEOPLE, W.
New MAYOR OF NEW YORK CITY

Adolph Kline, who has become mayor OF New
York, was the Republican alderman from the
F~lfty-hrst district in Brooklyn. is hfty-hva years
old and a native Of Sussex county, New Jersey.
He is the son OF Margaret and Anthony Busby
Kline. He IS Of scotch-Irisn strain on his
mothers side. while his father was German.
Colonel Kline became president Of the board
Of aldermen July q 1918. automatically succeed
ing John Purroy Mitchell. former head OF that
body, who became collector Of the port By
appointment Of President Wilson to succeed
William Loeb.
Mr.. Kline was vice-chairman Of the alder.
manic board from January /, 1912, until the
date Of his succession to the presidency OF the
board As a member OF the aidermanio board
he has served on many important ~committees
Mr.. Kline attended private and public
schools at Andover and Newton, N. J. In 1877
he entered the employ Of W. G. Peet & Co.
New York city, where he continued until 1886.
Colonel Kline was nominated in 1902 for
sheriff Of Kings county on the Republican tick
ct Though defeated, he ran about 5000 votes
ahead Of the head Of the ticket.
In the following year he was elected to repre-
the board Of aldermen for the term OF 19O4-5. He
Of 19O6-7.
On January /. 1908, he was appointed assista
for the port Of New York by President Roose1