davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04
HVNOR or TIE D<Y

A young man in Atchison, Kan, gave a
young woman a costly ring. paying for it
In 1nstaliments: The girl Tilted him and
finishing the payments. It's the little
problems of this sort that save Atchison
from absolute dullness.-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
do you owe your downfall to Demon
rum?" asked the prison visitor II never
heard OF the brand" replied the convict
Buffalo Express.
Are the running costs of automobiles
very figh?' Yes, particularly when
they're running over people. "-Baltimore
American.
Waiter-'How will you have your steak
sir?' Minister (absent- mindedly)-"weIi
done good and faithful servant.'-Judge.
Say, ma, it's just big shame to start
school so early" when do they start
it?'' II dunno. Anyway. it's too earIy."-
Cleveland Plain-Dealer.
Bobby-"Tbere was a new BOZ, in our
school today. Bingo-"In your Glass;
Bobby--"I guess not, 1 liked him with
one hand.'-Puck-
First Visitor during debate in the House
of Representatives)--"Wh do you think
of the currency question: Second Visitor
-"Blest il / know any more about IL than
those fellows down the floor."-Puck.
Mrs. Exe-"How could you lie SO to Mr..
at the exhibition? You told him : his lis pic pic
ture was worth the price of admission
alone Exe-Swell; Great Scott! the
isn't it?"-Boston Transcript.
us Dobbs egotistical?" yes. indeed.
Why, every time he stands on a street
corner ne thinks he's in public life
Birmingham Age-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04
FOR COURT REFORMS.

In the picturesque metropolis of
Canada a distinguished gathering of
lawyers from the United States is
working upon plans for the promo
ton of greater harmony and some
approach to uniformity in the pro-
cedure of American courts. Federal
and state judges are taking advantage
of the annual meeting of the Ameri-
can Bar association at Montreal to
seek some practical means of reform
ing the rules of pleading and practice
in the courts of the United States and
of the several states.
The goal which these eminent law
yers and jurists hope to reach, in the
end, is a reform and greatly simpli-
fled and modernized system of trans
acting legal business in the courts OF
all civil divisions of the American re-
public. They aim to set in motion
forces which will continue active until
the laws delays shall have been much
lessened, the expense OF litigation
greatly diminished, and the differences
in procedure between the courts of
various states and sections practically
eliminated.
This movement aims to accomplish
one of the most important of the re-
forms sought by progressive and en-
lightened Americans. 1t will make the
courts stronger, as it gains ground,
and better assured of the entire 10y
atty and confidence of the people. IL
will serve the ends of justice and pro-
mote good government. Enormous
waste of time and money will be pre-
vented.
Hitherto the lawyers of the United
States have been accused of being
chiefly to blame for the excessive de-
lays and costs of court procedure. IL
the American Bar association can re-
move this reproach from the legal pro-
fession it will earn the praise OF fai-
seeing lawyers and laymen alike.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

The things a man would like to re-
member he usually forgets.
= r
Fishing is frequently no more than
an excuse for loafing.
= +
Considera BILE of much that is called
frankness is impudence
p r +
And the superstitious are pointing to
the IS in 1913 and saying, Il told you
So"
r.
1t may take nine taiIors to make a
man but a lone woman can easily
break one.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

to enjoy being caretaker-only 1 hope
the house won't rent right away-just as
l get to love it, She glanced into
Clark's eyes with an adorable pout.
II may well tell you now Clark
told her with deep ring in his voice.
that am going to tell all tenants-or
possible tenants-that the cottage Is damp,
that the drainage is unSanitary, that 1t
is haunted, and that 1t is altogether
most undesirable place to live in"
Myra looked startled, then suddenly her
lashes swept down.
You are not a very good partner for
Mr.. Dobbs,'' she said unsteadily.
II am splendid partner, Clark tod
her, because I am going to take the
house myself, and 1 am putting another
rose in the garden. 1918, by
the Mcclure Newspaper Syndicate-)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

|
women. but holds that the dame with
shape like a drink of Sbuttermilk
with two straws in it should stick TO
| opaque garments.
That the gas crop will be IS per
J cent short this winter is the predic-
ton of Henderson Martin, Nho didn't
live in Topeka last winter. and is
| therefore excusable for his ignorance
in the premises. The gas cannot be
as per cent short because there hasn't
been 15 per cent of gas Tor bme
time.
The incurable who occupies the
first cell east of this, has settled the
question of pronunciation of the name
of that Pegoud, who looped-the-loop
in an aerop1ane. He says the I'd" is
silent, as in the word "simp.'
It is announced that Colonel Roose-
welt was robbed of $1,000 worth of
jewelry, but one might expect him to
use some new stuff, instead of grab
bling the space-getter of other vaude-
vile stars.
But it is clear indication that the
colonel will not be a candidate for
anything else. No owner of a thous-
and dollars worth of joolry would eX-
pose the fact if he expected to draw
the vote of the common pee-pul.
Ad Wolgast to the collection of has
beens, Mr.. Curator, third cabinet from
the wall-second shelf. Thanks.
The latest need of the New Haven
railroad seems to be some device
which will enable engineers to see
through a Connecticut fog. 1t was
formerly claimed that all the New
Haven needed was a change of man
agement.
Marriage has made a great i'm
provement in him. says Hondo Muir
ply in referring to a town character.
He used to be a low-life bum, and
now he merely looks like one
The longer one lives, the more one
or mayhap several-acquires in the
way Of information. We had always
considered the gold fish as the ulti-
mate of worthlessness as pet, but
Jib Hawkins says they make excellent
catfish bait, and that after a hard
days work on a hook they may be
slipped back and left where the cat
viii get the blame for their condition.
They are wearing '.X-ray" shoes in
Paris, but the fad is not likely to be-
come popular in this country, where
it takes the girls SO blamed long with
the rest of their get-up that they
In re the CASTOR suggestion that we
swap pulpitS: the suggestion has
aroused much hopeful enthusiasm in
OUR congregation.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State journal
away from home during the summer
may have the paper mailed regularly
each day to any address at the rate
of ten cents a week or thirty cents
month (by mail only. Address
changed as often as desired. While
out of town the State journal will be
to you like daily letter from home.
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

And the fact that the recent Aug
ust heat record has been excelled only
once in these parts and then by Sep
TENDER. 1901, is not very consoling,
considering the manner in which the
present September has started on its
day. History repeats once in a while,
Won know
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

More evidence of the political pecu-
liarities of President Wilson. He has
taken the trouble to extend friendly
word of greeting to the American
school boys on the eve of school OPEN
ing. And the great. great majority of
these lads will not have votes for many
yearS to come
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04
KANSAS COMMENT
THE PRESS HuMoRIsTs.


Being a funny man, constructing new
jokes and repairing old ones-largely
the latter-iS serious business. The
public is glad that the newspaper hui
morists had an annual outing and con-
vention. meeting this year at Peoria,
Ill. American humor at its best spark
les and satirizes. it flashes with unex-
pected relations between words and
ideas. 1t throws the white light of sa-
tire on prigs and pharisees and fobs
and fools. But the demand is so rave
nous that too many counterfeits sell as
the real goods. You can market very
fat fragment of conversation, if you
accompany the same with a smartly
drawn picture of the low necked girl
and the creased trouser man. 1t is not
necessary that the picture have the
least relation to the point of the dia-
logue. 1t must simply be smart, and
show what men and women are wear
ing or aren't wearing. To supply the
demand the old stock of jokes must be
worked over and over, though their
point may be gone. The Englishman
is represented as having no sense of
fun. though he continues to buy and
read Dickens and Thackeray. The Bos-
tonian uses long words and wears spec
tacles. though most Bostonians now
are aliens who are studying the Eng
fish primer. The Philadelphia is slow,
though the ball teams don't think so.
Inc chicago girl mas large feet, in
spite of her 1.-THE gift for high kicking.
The mother-in-law is a creature of vim
egar though mothers-in-law are usual
ly grandmothers, and grandmothers
have sweet faces and kind hearts. The
press humorists are simply speeded to
a higher rate than the humor mill was
built to stand. No wonder the product
often looks thin and the machinery
wobbles audibly, the more conventions
and trips and vacations they have, the
greater will be the relief of this over
strain and overtime.-Winfield Courier.
DAY OF MIXER" IS PAST.
One Of the Republican candidates
for governor of Massachusetts, attend
ed a picnic on Sunday, ran in a fat
mans race, wagered $40 on the result,
sang a solo with a brass band accom-
paniment and was voted a good mixer.
Now the Republicans are up in arms
about it. The day of the good mixer
is past. 1t used to be that every can
didate had to be a good mixer, had to
slap the voters Familiarity on the
sholders, kiss the babies and make
clowns of themselves. That has pass
ed away. The voters want to know a
mans capabilities, what he stands for
and will he stand hitched. They re-
sent the mixing becau1s they know
that it is FOR effect. The time for
is past and happily so.
1t means letter officials and more sat
isfactory public service. The mixer in
politics is positively Observation-Disclosures
renee Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report &C that great news pr-
xanization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka
The news is received in The State JoIr-
nal building over wires for this sole puT-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

notwithstanding the warning of
Chairman Martin. of the public utili-
ties commission. that there is not likely
to be a sufficient gas supply this Win
ter even for cooking, most of the gas
users will be sure to take a chance
that there will be.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Maybe they don't appreciate it, but
there is bad news for the consumers
of Austria-Hungary in the trip that
twenty gentlemen of that land intend
to make to the United States for the
purpose of getting some pointers on
the cold storage industry as it has
been developed here. ss.s>es--
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

If the French aviator, who has been
turning flip-flops in his aeroplane, has
one little spark of sense he will be con-
tent with his achievements in this line
and permit one or more of his fellow
birdmen to demonstrate that the stunt
cannot always be performed success
fl1llv
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Senator Vardaman and his ilk will
probably froth at the mouth again
Washington negroes have adopted res
olutions against the outra geous insults
offered their race by a set of men in
congress who do not represent the
southern gentlemen Glass;
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Mr. Mellen is probably just as we'll
pleased that he retired from the presi-
dency of the New Haven before this
latest terrible wreck on its line. But
he will likely be charged with being
responsible for it. just the same.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Neither does there seem to be a
thorn without its rose 1t is reported
on excellent authority that the, cram
berry crop will be of bumper proper
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Increased respect for the dance
known the grizzly bear is now de-
manded. A French historian insists
that it is derived from a sacrificial
dance that was popular with the maid
ems of ancient Greece
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

There are brave men in Kansas. but
none has had the hardihood of late to
stand up and sing, In the Good Old
Summer Time
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Inasmuch as they make their living
by bringing suits under them, it is no
more than reasonable that the mem
bers of the American Bar association
should go on record as favoring many
Low
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

1t might help Huerta's case some if
he could find it consistent to recog-
nize the state of New York.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Isn't it about time for Colonel
Roosevelt to shunt the New York
gubernatorial fracas, the Thaw case
and the Mexican situation from their
places of prominence in the news col
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04
Where Pins Go To.

For many years the world has been
baff1ed by the problem of where the
pins go than are turned out in mil
lions of millions by the pin factories
But the problem seems to have been
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Anyhow. Topela's poor showing in
the cricket arena cannot be attributed
to Dale Gear and his Kaws
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Nor will it be easy to convince the
Kansan who planted his acres to
corn that the drouth Is a blessing
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Secretary Bryan reports the Mexican
situation unchanged. But how about
the Chautauqua situation?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04

Breaking the heat records is now an
old story but it is not of the variety
that is popular with the people.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04
ON TIE SPUR
or THE MOMENT
BIT ROY X. MOULTON.
Satisfied.


Sometimes when All looks around an
sees N'f-
De folks what's all fired sure
Days gwine right straight to glory
Dey am SO powIfA pure, e,
When All looks at old Deacon Jones,
Who's crooked as a stick.
When All considers Deacon Sniff,
Who says he wouldn't stoop
To do a wrong, but has been caught
In Ike owns chicken coop,
When All takes stock of old man Hicks
Who exhorts wild q shout
But has been rested nineteen times
Or leastwise therea bouts;
When All looks at old Elder inks:
Who spen's his time in prar
And let's his wife take washi1' n
From families neah an far;
/ say. when All conSidalls dem
All somehow got a bunch
1t won't be safe for me to take
No chances wild dat bunch.
If dis yere few dat All have named
Will be de only men
In dis yere town OATS gwine to go
To glory sure. well, then
/ somehow got feelin' dat
From all de things All knows
Ah'll take nah chances wide de crowd,
No mattah whar it goes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04
The Diary of a Bonehead.

In an unguarded moment when my
wits were out wool gathering and my
guardian angel was asleep at the
switch I confided to a friend the fact
that I might, someday, take out some
life insurance.
My friend had a friend who was in
the life insurance business. That was
enough. Life insurance news travels
fast and agents gather around a new
feeding ground like flies around a su-
gar bowl. They seem to rally like mi
crobes- and to attract more of their
kind.
1 told my friend about my inten-
ton at noon over our lunch. By 3
o clock seven life insurance agents
had called and had killed the afternoon.
There were five more waiting outside
on the sidewalk and three in the street
car which I took for my home.
When 1 reached home there were
nine ON the front porch and seven in
the parlor entertaining my Wife with
horrible tales of life insurance or the
lack of it in which there We're visions
of orphans in the poorhouse.
At 10 O'Clock that night the last
agent had spoken his piece and de-
parted, although several had volun-
teered to stay all night and continue
the argument in the morning. After
listening to them all the evening 1
id0 every Symptom OI every OlSSdSe
that had ever been invented.
When 1 awoke in the morning there
were six new life insurance agents sit
ting on the porch and it was only 6
o'clock. They seemed to breed like
Parker Buffers guinea pigs, although.
of course, a life insurance gent is not
that kind of a pig.
I escaped by the back gate and took
the car for my Office. AS 1 drew near
thought the building was on fire.
The street was packed with people
away out to the car tracks. They
were life insurance agent waiting for
me to open my office.
1 didn't get off the car, but con-
tinued on to the railroad station. 1
am now staying down in the country
with my wifes folks for a month or
until the excitement blows over.
There is only one way to get life
insurance, and that is to say nothing
but just go and get it.
1 hate a poor liar and poor resort
liar is, in my estimation, the lowest
form of animal life. If I ever go to q
resort in hot weather again it will be
because a rich uncle has died there
and my presence is requested to hear
the will read.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-09-04
ny THE WAY
BY HARVEY PARSONS.

Jack Supp says he does not object
to the diaphanous skirt on some
women, but holds that the dame with
a shape like a drink of buttermilk
with two straws in it should stick to
Opaque garments.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1913-01-21
Mr. FuIton,s Commune.

There is be committee On nouzEng
Tnicil d making careful study OF
Building LAYS and hopes to be IN a
position before great While to recon-
mend 10 the city council the adoption
n code Or get 81 ru:es bearing upoa
sanitation. ire protection, electric
wirfng ard plumbing They are also
trying 70 vorE ont plan wherein
modern comfortable houses may Be
provided for Eor gsagmea at q rental
which TIER csa afford 10 pay. They
aage already acquired considerable
Information az 10 what il beng done
II oher cities, information in regard
70 plana, the cost Of materials, etc.
algo 81 70 vzyz sa1 means Which
base proved successful 81 interesting
eaDitay r. TIE building o. homes Of
tals eazrsctsr. The chairman, ,fr. ".
J. Fulton attended the second ma
tlonal conference On housing fl Amer
sca held ia PafiadsEphtz December q,
and :, IT tte expense 81 tae gszo-
ciatfor, and 5roaght back with him
much vaEszble material When we
coaasder thu. manufacturers desiring
70 locase here ranst haye satisfactory
assurance raat nonea VIII BE- provts-
81 sor taeIf errpsoyes, snf taat We
cannot otnerxlse expert 70 interest a
manufacturer Fl ills ioceIs.y, the srr.
0orE2nce Of the #ork Of this commit,
tee assumes iar2e proportions
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1913-01-21
hssaazsnes Get II. Man.Y.

q AgrTI 1915. The association ens-
grs5 Into z eoEtrsct win y. " Aver
4 son d PHILADELPHIA 80 condgcs an
advertising campaign % aid ns 10
ssc-rfag fsctcrzes The first asTer-
fIse1aeat sgpesred II oso5er, 1871.
arsd me fas- ii septslBer. 1912. The
aSgce.ass<sz mas expeafsa through =.
sveT 4 goa tre a1n 81 s1s,561. 81
fssr tseEtg-ore zdreyttseneatz. which
APPEARED from fsrue 10 time through
on The rear 10 the SATURDAY. Ever
trg ppsi. 0gtIoox, PeTlew 81 EeTfers.
Eserg 5ecgs. Literary Dfyess. wor1d's
sF'ors ard Factorv. White ne receiT-
"a EszTIy tso tto1saaG inquiries ssx-
~ for pamphlets Or further Inform
tIon me YeeEits we're rot enfgre7y
sa.Isss-e te-y, DE largely ne before
- conditions SCI forfa later On 81
this reoor1. End tse sfFertizensen :
yere Accordingly diaeontsnre6 in sep
tsmoev We beiseTs. bowggsr, taz.
tlse general publicity Eatca nas beea
21ren 70 IT. extgterce d. caezp poTer
II KeoEEk VIII be yaiazbse asse. n
tse future. II -o:ssd BE- hard to find
hsssresE Enan - tsss cogntrr goda7
VINO doss not kIaor soEaetafng o. ne
Keokak darn
@e hase ssse saf.seraeed ~ a tn
ling coEt 70 factory Iocatson resorts
'ss1ed everg TN DAYS ~ sao grens
fll1p!nS bureaus,
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1913-01-21

Tas country'a need Of greater raj.
way facilities and terminals was div
creaed December 18Th By James i.
Hln at the annual dinner Of the Raft,
Way Bnsineaa Annexation in <er
York CITY 4 copy Of the address IL
being Gent out by Daring Miller, D-cs-
ident Of he c.. y. q O. Coming from
soarce 20 we'll Informed The re-
marks Of Ar. Hill are being given
serious consideration. with the
raTfd growth Of this country greater
railroad faeities are the logical con.
cibs'of The recent action OF tic
PennsyiyanIa and New York Central
roads IN enlarging their New York
City terminals at The expense o,
many millions 10 only indicative OF
What must take place In other citieg
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1913-01-21
osa.r Activities.

We haze fo!lowed 10 ali iacairiet
% me best 81 our ABILITY. have raade
about tTcntg tT5ps 70 various piacez
Tor the ezDrefs purpose Of interesting
faant.fae arers s. Keokak aad On
to occa1sons have gent oilt special
committees 70 look mtg the aaairs D.
manufacturing industries that rad ~.
pfessec Z desire % come here
We have fnteres I'd Ourselves .n
securing the right II way for the new
bonlegard between Keokuk and
Mon;rose. have stTaightened out gert
ona entaEgiementa and rendered an
important serylce to be water Power
company and the community IN ina,
regard
We conducted city cleaning cam
paign in APRIL, 1911. AlIeys and yard,
all over the city were put in orde,
by the citizens, and are SIN in bet
ter condition, outside the huslnes,
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1913-01-21
THE PLAYMATE

The Playmate
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