davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
MELISSA WOULD NOT MATE WITH
A FOOD FADDlsT.

Mrs. Merriwid tucked her napkin
into its ring. breathed sigh of salts
faction slightly favored by a mint tab
let, and put her elbows on the table.
u feel considerably better, thank
you,' she observed
u should hope you would, my dear"
replied her maternal maiden aunt
Jane. Il must say there is nothing
wrong with your appetite, Melissa"
MOP" said Mrs. Merriwid. with a
lift Of her eyebrows. We'll, that's
just where you and Mr.. Herbidge dis
agree. He considers my appetite de-
PRAYED, and right there Mr.. Herbidge
and little Lissy stand on opposite
sides of a yawning abysmal gulf
with most of the yawn on my side,
may say"
TT seems to me that difference of
opinion regarding diet can hardly be
considered in the light of an insupera-
BILE objection, my dear" Aunt Jane
demonstrated
That's merely because you haven't
given the matter due consideration,
dearie," said Mrs. Merriwid. And
you're probably going on the Jack
Sprat theory of mutual compromise
and adjustment. That listens good
at the first roseate blush, too, but IL
wouldn't work outside of Mother
Goose, believe me. You'd find Mr..
Sprat filed with disgust as well as
lean meat every time he looked across
the table and saw the lady lifting in
the flabby fat, and she would naturally
have low opinion of his taste. At
that, they would have something in
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
When Ex-PresIdent Taft Was Married.

1t was formerly pleasant custom
of society reporters to indulge in pre-
dictions as to the glorious future of
the happy para journalistic prophet
of the Cincinnati Commercial Gazette,
In writing Of the wedding of Miss
Helen l.. Heron, daughter OF John
w. Heron to William Howard Taft,
which occurred twenty.seven years
ago, had this to say:
William H. Taft is one OF the
young men Of the city who may be
depended upon in public affairs. He is
one of the highest standing of the
graduates of Yale, and his original
powers. perfect integrity and courage
and correct instincts, as well as thor
ough information, have made him use
full, won for him the friendships and
enmit\es most complimentary. and
opened for him career that has the
highest promise of great distinction"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
His Need OF the Moment.

An old darby was encountered by
the expedition sent by Uncle Sam for
the relief of sufferers by the Missis-
sippo floods. Uncle Eph was In a
dilapidated looking skff or dugout,
which he was having considerable
trouble to keep afloat. He was busy
padding with one hand and bailing
out his craft with the other when the
relief boat came within hailing dis
lance of him:
Hello there, uncle! What do you
want?"
Nothing but wings, boss" was the
answer.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
Horrible Thounht.

Senator Borah Of Idaho tells this
story of how a psychologist and me-
diumistic professor was received in a
small town in his state:
The professor was talking to a
young society bud about the possibili-
ties OF the journeyings of ones soul
why, my dear young lady" he de-
clared, ut is possible for you in your
sleep to travel to other planets in the
middle of the night"
"Oh. professor" she cried in evil
dent alarm. mot in my nightgown!"
The Sunday Magazine.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
WIRE FENCING

Both welded and wrapped for stock,
pigs poultry garden and ,i lswn al shes
per rod. Send trial order. ROOFING OF
all kinds. galvanized and painted STEEL
rubber and gravel coated. We have q
good rubber roofing for SIC square, all
complete. Send trial order. Mention this
paper. Pidgeon-Thomas Iron Co., 94-96
N I'd St. Memphis. Tenn. ADV,
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
QUININE AND FRONT MOST
EFFECTUAL GENERAL TONIC
Groves Tasteless chill Tonic Combines both
in Tas,eless form. The Ouinine drives
out Malaria and the Iron builds up
the System. For Adults and.
Children.

You know what you are taking when
you take GROVES TASTELESS chill
TONIC, recognized for 80 years through
out the South as the standard Malaria.
Chill and Fever Remedy and General
Strengthening Tonic. II is as strong as
the strongest bitter tonic, but you do not
taste the bitter because the ingredients
do not dissolve in the mouth but do dis
solve readily in the acids of the stomach.
Guaranteed by your Druggist. We mean
1t. SOC.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07

Merriwid, "but on general principles
auntie, a woman wants to beware OF
man who won't eat any old thing.
just so it's well cooked"
Copyright, 1918, by w. g. Chapman.)
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
Modern proverb.

Lo! Behold the man who eateth
and drlnketh gluttonously in the hct
weather, how he perspireth like unto
cake of Ice on hot stove. cuss him
-Meditations of Jerebah of Joppa.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
Pale, Emaclated Children

frequently suffer from worms. The
old reliable remedy, Frey's Vermifuge
given on an empty stomach expels the
worms and soon restores the child to
ruddy health. 25c. at all dealers.-Adv.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07

You can Sleep, Fish. Hunt or attend to a~,
work without being worried by the biting or
singing of Mosquitoes, Sand flies, Gnats or
other insects by applying to tae face, ears
and hands, pr PORTER'S ANTISEPTIC
HEALING OIL. Csc.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07

Many spinster realizes that girls
are wise who marry while yet in theS
teens.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
LOOKING on the BRIGHT side.

1T is said that more than one per-
son has been killed by kissing"
Yes but isn't 1t great stuff II you
live through it?'-Judge.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07

where do you suppose the dove OF
peace goes when it is frightened
away?'
Il suppose. to some pigeon hole"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
Why Druggists Go Insane.

Little Lola's mother had sent her to
the corner drug store for stamped
envelope, giving her three pennies
with which to pay for It.
We'll, little girl" said the drug
gist, what can do for your"
III you please. sir, answered Lola.
politely, my mamma wants three
cents worth Of stamped antelope"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
Their Kind,

These girls are very popular. I I'M
derstand. at the parish social gather
ings."
Yes; they are regular church
bellies"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
RlJB-MY-TIsM

Will cure your rheumatism and all
kinds of aches and pains-Neurslgia,
Cramps. Collie, sprains, Bruises, Cuts,
Old Sores. Burns. etc. AntIseptio
Anodyne.. Price 26c.--Adv.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
Richness PersonIfied,

Ikey-Fader, vot means a pluto
crat?'
Fader-One of dem fellers dots so
rich he needn't to fail any more
Puck
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07

Some people believe in doing only
one thing at time, and then do the
wrong thing.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07

Our friends are generally willing to
take our part, and theirs. too.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
RELIEVES PAIN AND HEALS
At The SAME time
The Wonderful. Old Reliable Dr.. Porter,
Antiseptie Healing Oil. Prevents Blood
Poisoning. An Antiseptic Surgical
Dressing discovered by an Old
r r Surgeon

Thousands of families know it already,
and a trial will convince you that DR..
PORTER'S ANTISEPTlO HEALING
OIL is the most wonderful remedy ever
discovered for Wounds, Burns, Old Sores,
Ulcers, Carbuncles, Granulated Eye Lids,
Sore Throat. Skin or Scalp Diseases and
all wounds and external diseases whether
slight or serious Continually people arc
finding new uses for this famous old
remedy. Guaranteed by your Druggist.
We mean it. Csc. Soc. $l.O0
That is LAXATIVE BROMo QUINTNE
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07

We know persistent salesman who
wonders II II would be worth while
to show st. Peter the latest card in
dex system.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07

Every time some people try to
think they make noise like boiler
shop.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07
SUPPLYC0,

1872 South End Street, MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE.
and supplies Write for eatalogs and prioea
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1913-08-07

Only QUININE QuNrE
w GROVE Cold
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
ELIZABETH ISLAND.
Its Curious Little Colony Of Geological
Total Abstainers.

It's Curious Little Colony Of Geological
Total Abstainsrs.
Recent Investigations on the little
known and rarely visited Henderson
or Elizabeth island have led to the
discovery Of a complete and curious
little colony Of geological total abstain
ers.
The island. which is uninhabited, Is
situated about 12O miles northeast Of
Pitcairn island-itself sufficiently out
of the way, but famous as the home Of
the descendants of the mutineers OF
the Bounty
There is no water on 1t. not even a
swamp, and it is only six miles long.
vet it harbors quite menagerie-a
kind of rat. lizard. described as very
abundant, and no fewer than four
kinds of birds. all peculiar to the Is
land. These are fruit pigeon, lori
keet or honey eating parrakeet. little
rail or crake and q reed warbler.
The strange thing about the inmates
of this curious little natural aviary of
coral rock, surrounded by waves in
stead of wires. is that two Of its inmates
are birds. one especially associated
with fresh water-the rail and the war
bier. These, like the rest. must do
without drinking unless the dew can
slake their thirst or they have acquir-
ed toleration for sea water "a bev-
erage.-Argonaut. 5!%
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
Majority and Plurality.

In politics the plurality is the great
est Of more than two numbers and is
also the excess Of the highest number
of votes cast for any one candidate
over the next highest number. When
a candidate receives out Of 10000 votes
cast 1000 and two other candidates re-
ceive respectively $500 and $500. the
first is elected by plurality. though
he has received less than majority of
the whole vote. and he is said to have
plurality of 500 votes. If the num-
bers are 6.OOO. 5000 and 1000. the ma.
jority is 1000 and the plurality is
5000. A majority. therefore, must be
more than half the entire vote cast.
and candidates majority is. then. the
difference between the number Of votes
he received and the combined number
of votes cast for all other candidates;
his plurality is the difference between
his own number and the number re-
ceived by the candidate nearest to him.
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
SWALLOWING A PILL.
BY Being Too Conscious Of tho Act We
Make II Difficult.

Make II Difficult.
Reduced to plain words. the scientific
reason why so many people find 1t ex-
ceedingly difficult to swallow a pill Is
because they try to.
While this sounds paradoxical. 1t is.
nevertheless. true. according to the
best of authorities The explanation is
that in eating our food we swallow it
almost automatically and give no
thought to the act Of swallowing. but
with pill we put it in the mouth and
say.to ourselves. This Is very small
object and will be difficult to swallow:
l must make an effort to do this"
And right there is where the diff
Guilty comes with most people. The
muscular effort made to swallow the
pill, accompanied by the thinking about
the act. really hinders the proper work
ing Of the throat muscles that would
otherwise act properly in carrying the
pill down the throat.
A similar condition is that Of mu-
sician playing well when alone and
faltering in the presence of listeners.
1t has been advanced that fear incon-
veniences the nervous system, causing
the musician to tumble and the pill
swallower to procrastinate.-New York
World.
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
PIoeIn ENGLISH.
Language Used In Shops and Homes L.
Chinese Ports.

Language Used In Shops and Homes ls
Chinese Ports.
In Shanghai In all shops one 6nds
Chinese familiar with English, but
often using much pidgin English.
"Pidgin" is supposed to be derived
from several changes on the word
"business," which was first shortened
to "busin." then through the form Of
''pishin" and finally became 'pidgin."
Pidgin English is the language used in
trade and households in the ports OF
China. where the Chinese and foreign
ers deal with one another. 1t is sim
liar in its origin to the mixture OF Ian
guages known as Lingua-Franca In the
Levant and in other parts Of the Med
iterranean. 1t is direct translation
of Chinese into English and strictly
idiomatic. For instance. they say.
THAT book pay N.Y." instead Of Give
me the book"
The Chinese tailors speak fuently in
this odd English. An American lady
went to a Chinese tailor in Shanghai to
see him regarding putting feather in
terlining in muff. The tailor seemed
q trifle dazed as to what she wanted
and said. "B'long allo same chicken
fur?" He wanted to prove his inten-
ton Of treating his customer right and
told her. MY b'long allo same you.
you b'long allo same my-b'long my
velly good hend." and later. wishing to
ask after one of the lady's daughters,
remarked. Miss A.. have catchee mas
ter?" When this was said China had
not come out for woman's suffrage
Amy w. Hotchkiss in National Maya
zine.
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
Flight Of a Great NsbuIa.

One Of the most striking spectacles
revealed by telescopes is that of tho
great nebula in Orion. In the COM
plexity of its glowing streams. spirals
and strangely shaped masses, inter-
cepted by yawning black gaps and
sprinkled over with stars arranged in
suggestive groups and lines. 1t has few
rivals in the heavens. The impression
of astonishment made by the sight Of
this nebula Is heightened by knowl-
edge Of It's enormous size. The entire
solar system would appear as tiny
speck beside 1t. Yet this tremendous
aggregation Of nebulous clouds and
starry swarms has been proved BY tho
researches Of the astronomers to be
flying away from the earth and the
sun at the rate Of eleven miles in every
second. But so vast is its distance
that 100 years reveal no visual effects
Of the great nebula's swift retreat a
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
Thanksgiving at
Lonesome Hollow
BY FRANCIS A. MILLER

~ EEMS awfdlly forlorn to eat a
> Thanksgiving dinner all alone
~ said Milly soberly, looking over
at the young fellow who sat
mending a harness strap beside the
blazing hearth. II haven't the heart
to get up big dinner for just us two.' .
Il don't see what else we can do. No
neighbors to invite except old Pete
Sprat. and be wouldn't come We might
send him something by way Of being
neighborly.''
'And be turned away for our pains" !"
the woman laughed.
You can't even go out on the high
ways and hedges and gather in strag-
gDers like the ancient host of Bible
fame. Maybe it is just as we'll not to
have all the work Of getting up a
Thanksgiving dinner. for it seems to
me that you look tired. Milly. What's
the mattery'
Nothing. Jim; guess | need little
outing. III take a run across the
hollow and he back before supper" A.
Milly put on her cloak and went out
into the crisp autumn afternoon. The
woods were bare except for q few
torchlike flames Of red which marked
the presence Of an occasional gum tree.
The sky was clear. cold and pallid.
dnged with greenish glow where the
dark forests trimmed the fur horizon.
Not sign Of human habitation was
visible. and not sound broke the vast
stiffness save the steady tap-tap Of a
woodpecker. The loneliness oppressed
Milly strangely. For two years she
had endured 1t in cheerful silence.
working patiently at whatever her
hand found to do in the rough little
shack. which had gradually assumed
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
He R,LeD GLADSTONE.
And Il Was the Only Time Disrasii
Laughed In the Commons.

And Il Was the Only Time oisrasIi
Laughed In the Commons.
Disraeli. it is said. laughed only once
In the house Of commons. Mr.. Glad
stone had made an impassioned speech
in favor Of the union Of Wallachia and
Moldavia. Mr.. Disraeli. speaking In
opposition. pointed out that the result
would be the extinction of the inde-
pendence Of these people, and the only
thing left would be the remorse (which
would be painted with admirable elo-
quence by the rhetorician Of the day.
In reply Mr.. Gladstone said that he
would not be guilty Of the affected
modesty Of pretending to be ignorant
that that designation 1.-The rhetorician
of the day" was intended for himself.
Mr.. Disraeli interrupted with the re-
mark: II beg your pardon. really
did not mean that" Disraeli sat down
with satisfied smile that told of his
enjoyment.
Mr. Gladstone's face expressed
amazement and indignation. His op-
ponent had placed him in the mortify-
ing position Of applying a remark to
himself which had no such personal
reference therefore Gladstone's wrath
and Disraelis smile The Liberal lead
er proceeded with his speech and con.
demned the 'sesquipedalian words and
inflated language" Of the leader of the
Conservatives.
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21

That your girls are not boys and are
not therefore flled with consuming
ambition tc play football.
That your boys are not girls and will
not therefore tax your digestion later
with the nice little things they have
learned to make at cooking school.
That up to date none of the aviators
have fallen down through your chin
ney aue. filling your drawing room
with yells and SCOT.
That, thanks to the butcher having
refused you further extension Of
credit, that particular bill won't grow
any bigger. ..4.
That. having during the last year lost
the last remnant of your hair. your
capillary attractions have at last ceas-
ed to fall out.
That, your joy riding chauffeur hav-
ing reduced your, $1,000 car to scrap
iron, you are relieved of $1,000 an
nual expense In maintaining him
and 1t.
That. whatever else happens In the
way Of draining your pocketbook. you
won't have to draw check for the
payment of your own funeral expenses.
That your we'll beloved wife con-
siders her new winter hat dream
only tread softly lest you both wake
up when the first of the month brings
the whistling postman to your door
with sundry requests from the little
milliner.
That. having remained poor. OBJ
scure nonentity all your days. there Is
no temptation for any mean spirited.
envfous person to try to pull you down
of your pedestal and prove to pos
terity that you didn't know bean
when you met one.
That, not being woman. you don't
have to wear hobble skirt to trip you
up when you 60 walking in public or
carry your car fare in small porte
monnaie inside a pocketbook. inside
wallet. wrapped up in handkerchief.
inside chain bag. inside your muff.
That. not being man. you don't
have to smoke cheap cigars. pretend
ing that you like them better than
those made Of real tobacco. or think up
foolishly transparent explanations for
having stayed at the club until 4
o'clock in the morning. - Harpers
Weekly
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
Not Really Lost.

Bertie's sister. who is five years older
than BERTHE. is trying to teach him to
take care of his books The other day
she could not find Robinson Crusoe"
on the nursery bookshelf.
"Where is ft?" she asked. II haven't
seen It for several days. What have
you done with it?"
81 know where it is.' said Bertie.
trying to speak with assurance.
swell. where?'
.Why. it's only lost little." he faI-
tered: kinder In the barn. or round
outdoors. some'eres; p'r'aps up garnet
or behind the woodpile. guessr'-
Youths Companion.
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
rim;d About eathino.

Archibald .Colquhoun relates that
there is strong prejudice in Mica.
ragua against bathing and even wash
ing while on u journey and for some
days afterward The dust is not wash.
ed or the face for some days after ar
rival. especially IL the traveller has come
from the 'tierras calientes' (hot coun-
try. or lower region). for too sudden
opening of the pores Of the skin will
certainly produce fever. according to
popular belief The people Of Nicara.
qua. according to Squier, are general
ly scrupulously clean in their persons.
except when travelling. and then the
use Of water is prohibited
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
rahla Etiauette.

Don't scalp the Indian pudding: cut
straight down
What IL sauce for the goose Is also
sauce for the turkey
This is no day to pick quarrel: try
1t on the bones N5.
Don't try to paint the table cloth red
with the cranberry sauce.
Out of respect to the fallen gobbler
don't try to gobble everything in sight.
Do not ask for helpings until you can
no longer help yourself
Don't lean on the. table: probably the
turkey is lean enough for everybody
You may rest assured 1t is in per.
fectly good taste to knock the studing
out Of your appetite Baltimore Her.
aid.
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
IT'D LIKE TO HAVE YOU ALL TAXI DIN.
NER WITH Us TOMORROW"

. cozy. homelike appearance. They
had left the busy. grinding east in
quest Of health for her young husband.
who was slowly regaining his lost
strength and vigor in the bracing eli
mate Of Colorado. which alone kept
Milly's heart tight and hopeful. but in
spite Of that joyful fact she could not
dispeI shiver Of loneliness when she
thought of the long. dreary winter be-
fore them.
I'm getting morbid simply for the
want of little company" she said; as
she walked down the untraveled road
In the face. Of the crisp north, wind.
-'Tha, will never do for you. MiIly Ben
net For s.Iim's sake. you mustn't give
way to such flOlishness.'' .'55s .S
Suddenly Milly's ear caught the
sound of chopping. which seemed to
come from the hollow beyond the di-
vide She turned and made her way
easily through the leadess thicket.
walking briskly over the hill and down
the opposite descent until she distinct
" heard voices. Farther on. ut the
edge of a. natural clearing, she came
upon purity Of travellers zcamped be.
side newly kindled 6re. where q lean.
gaunt appearing fellow busted himself
with preparations for the evening meal.
They were eight iu AHA rough. IN
kempt lot. in ieathern jackets and
rusty boots. Beside the cook lay q bag,
! of 6ou.. 4 side 6. 5s:o: :31 two jugs
stoppered with corncobs. 8 \.
Milly stopped abruptly when she
found herself observed by the curious
eyes Of the eight strangers. then chang
! ed her mind and crossed the icy little
brook and made her way toward the
fire. ssitS Il as i 553 3. sas
A big. blnck Y whiskered man dropped
his armfui. Of horse feed and looked al
her piercingly. Lost r. be asked
4 brusquely n s53i5s Il n
ss3lss8s.'.flo. 1 81 Tive two miles Up the divide
/ 1 happened 60 hear you chopping and
stopped out Of curiosity y =
The mans insistent gaze annoyed her.
bnt III foriorn. gaunt appea rance ofs
the iIttle group incited q iitties thsrobSo Sof
pity ana made her think gratefnlly qf
/ her own coy cheerful little sShsck. II
witb lin wnitins Or her beside -
4 glowing hsaFtt siss5 5s Il
suppose 30 - ssmply ! acampi
here for the night, 4 4 ventured, stook.
Ing about st the tl,eaG tOmfOrta of
the aMp VA
81 no.' anaw ttis DslctS
u lili man. Who if.i.s slefss .all
cpo ~ bstiE sI,ss. q sl llllFt g
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
The Aaricultpcist,s View.

Two farmers on visit to Liverpool
stood upon the platform of railway
station. when lady passed dressed in
the height of fashion.
''Theer. .Jim." said one. "what do you
think Of that. lad?"
Jim looked at her for minute and
then said. "Ay. Tom. it's bad ground
that takes so much top dressing!"-
Liverpool Mercury.
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
Fate.

MY good man. how did you come
to be in prison?"
Fate, guess, ma'am."
"Fate? don't understand you.'
"Well. you see. It must have been or
dained that somebody would be In this
cell when you came along asking fool
questions. and 0f course had to be
the guy Detroit Free Press.
The Washburn leader., 1913-11-21
Such 10 Life.
tappiness is unattainable.D

Happiness is unattainable."
''H0w now?'' 81
1T was always my dream to get rich
and have a cast iron, dog on tho lawn.
1t took me forty years to get rich ana
now cast iron dogs are out Of style. -
Washington Herald.