davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

In the morning watch, on board the
bark Pawnee, bound from Colombo, Cey-
Ion, to the Cape OF Good Hope, we were
washing down the decks on the 3Oth day
Of October, 1856, when a man who had
been sent sloft to examine a sail which
had been damaged in a squaII during the
previous night shouted down to the mate
that he could see a man on a raft about
a mile away and almost directly in our
course
The announcement Of the man on the
raft did not produce much excitement.
Natives are frequently blown of the
islands on RATS and catamarans, from
which they have been fishing, and we be-
lieved this to be such a case. We were
up with him in few minutes, and great
was our surprise to find him a white man
and sailor. The raft was rude, but
stout affair, which he had made from
driftwood, and it carried cargo. as well
as the man. Securely lashed to the
p!anks and timbers were four large ele-
phant tusks and an earthen jar, together
with two other Jars containing food and
water. The raft had no sail, but was
managed to a certain extent by rude
steering oar. The castaway took things
coolly. and was neither overgrateful nor
greatly surprised at being picked up. He
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

were IN plain sight At the end Of the
bay We came to the cave, and, Ieapins
out Of the boat, the captain was first
to enter. A moment later he re-
appeared, and for the next quarter Of an
hour he cursed as I never heard a sea-
man before or since. The cave had
been plundered. One broken tusk had
been left behind, and there was perhaps
an ounce OF gold dust lying on the spot
where Scott had emptied the Jars. That
was proof enough that he had told a
straight story. When we landed and
went up to the hut We soon solved the
problem. Some whaler had touched there
for food and water. For wood they had
used all the wreck stun lying about, and
had also partially pulled the hut to
pieces. They had filled their casks at
the spring, and We could still see the
marks where they had been rolled down
hill to the boats.
Then the Scotchman did a mean thing
by the rescued sailor. He made a great
ado Of how he had deviated from his
course and lost fortnight's time, and
insisted that Scott divide with him. I
believe he threatened to leave him on
the island II he didn't. There was trou-
BILE for few hours, and then the sailor
came to terms, but not so much as a
penny's worth was ever handed over to
the owners or distributed among the
crew. Scott was transshipped to a craft
bound for Java and that was the last
ever saw or heard Of him. year later.
however, I met an American runaway
sailor in Batavia, and he told me that
his craft, the Bessie Herrick, OF Marble
head. put in at the island, remained for
two days, and her captain discovered the
cave and the treasure while fishing in
the bay. He gave every man aboard
800 in cash as a present, but kept the
dust and the ivory and turned them into
cash at Singapore. 1t was a rich haul
OF treasure, and the captain must have
been made independent for nfA
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
YOUR UNCLE LISHA
The Glasses Through Which He Views the World

to bring back with your" asked my wife
as l came into the house meatless.
Why 1 thought you said a leg OF lamb
I replied.
But where is the Ieg7"
II must have left it on the head of q
barrel when talking with the groccr!"
That's just one OF your tricksI'
But bear with me- felt sure
should leave II somewhere. and so 1
had the butcher drench 1t well with kero-
sene oil before left his shop. Console
yourself with the thought that you have
neither got TO cook 1t nor the thief
can't eat It."
I make it a point to believe that my
fellow man is telling the truth until he
comes home from a days fishing and
shows me a string OF salt mackerel which
he had the luck to catch in fresh water
lake. Then / must either regard his We
racity as badly crippled or the mackersl
as fools.
1 try to be fair with my neighbor.
When he comes to borrow my lawn
mower 1 ask for the loan OF his wheel
barrow, he is sure TO break the handle
OF the mower, and I am sure to even
up things by breaking the wheel of the
barrow.
L OOnL say lndI my family grocer
knew that his scales were an ounce and
half short on the pound in his favor.
After suspecting for three years I sent
the inspector around and he found the
shortage. ] reason that II the grocer
had known it, he wouldn't have been sat-
isfed with an ounce and a half.
I have voted to turn the rascals out.
and voted to turn them in. and to speak
candidly I never saw any public benefit
from either course. When I have locked
my henhouse door thieves have come
and stolen my pig. When have made
the pig secure, they have coaxed away
my dog.
When cspied a wallet on the side
walk a few steps in advance I said to
myself, says l.:
'Tf nobody sees me pick It up, will
keep it."
No one saw me, and. as held the fat
wallet in my hand, said:
II think I am about 500 to the good.
Hand It over? You bet-nixy!"
walked half mile out Of my way to
enter a cow shed and inspect the find
The wallet contained only papers OF no
value to me.
The owners name was on them. and
ran for ten blocks to hand the article to
him and say:
'Smithers, you must have dropped this.
and it was an honest man that picked
1t up!'
We all ought to be credited with hon
esty up to a certain point
Says my wife to me, says she: when
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
THE ARIZONA KICKER
The Editor Presents Some Samples of His Advertising

In reply to many letters and verbal
queries, We would say that the Kicker is
not a red-hot party organ. Nominally,
We are a Democrat. Nominally, number
two, We are a Republican. We hold the
postmastership under a Democratic ad-
ministration, and we desire to hang on
to it.
To most readers it may seem that our
policy is d selfish one. We grant it. We
are taking care of number one in politics
as well as in business. The Arizona edi-
tor who blows his horn for the sake of
party will carry more deadheads on his
subscription books than dollars in his
pocket. We want some of the spoils. We
do not propose to help watt a lot Of am
bilious, selfish and half-dishonest critters
into Office and then take off our hat and
be thankful for what loose change they
may toss US. We haven't said anything
about bolting, but it may be inferred that
we'd throw a candidate down quicker
than jack rabbit can jump seven feet If
he attempted to work us for fiat.
We are not alarmed about the future of
America or Arizona, but we have no blood
TO shed. We simply propose TO take care
of ourselves during this scramble, and
the galoot that picks US up for free
howier will put in the next ten years
wondering how far he fell and what he
struck on.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

what made you SO quiet How is the
Mexican situation?'
1T doesn't interest me in the slightest
As woman, you spend half your time
at bargain sales, but perhaps you may
have read or heard of the science called
palmis:ry?"
Yes" she answered.
And do you believe in it?"
81 thought you'd bring home a new
fad soon So you have turned to palm
istry?"
There you go. womanl II was to
bring home a gospel hymnboOk found in
| the road. you'd call il fad. It's mighty
! singular that I can't move without you
twitting and taunting me Of being halt
| idiot"
well, what is it about palmistry?'' she
asked
Il had my palm read about week
ago, and the palmist told things Sc
| straight that I got him to give me a few
lessons. As far as 1 know, you never
had your palm read"
And I don't think will It's too much
like fortune telling"
But just let me take your hand and
look at what they call the life line. !
want to see whether you are TO live to
a good old age or not
Mrs. Bowser complied, and after a mo-
ments study he scratched his head and
muttered:
We'll, that's a mighty singular thing,
and 1 can't account for it You are go
ing to live to be at least ninety years
old"
Yes, I hope to-"
And according to my life line SC
am /"
''All the better"
But according to that criss-cross line
there you are 10 be a widow before you
are forty"
"weI?"
And according to my criss-cross line
I'm to be widower before I'm fifty"
Then it seems that there's something
out of gear with the criss-cross You'd
better look at the lines on the soles OF
your feet and see il they won't help you
out. II they don't you might go to an
astrologer during the full moon and try
carrying black cat in your pocket and a
, horseshoe over your heart"
Woman, remember whom you are talk.
ing to!' shouted Mr.. Bowser as he
flushed up and flung her hand away.
But you have got such silly notions
into your head! Let US drop palmistry
this evening and have a game of cards
or run into Green's. I didn't mean to
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
BOZ SER II 1T S 1T
He Can Always Dig Up Weekly Fad

'T have. sir. It's the lines in your
hands"
Yes. Do you believe in it?"
'I do"
"Ah. you do! Then I'm glad to meet
you. Have you had your hand read?''
Il have, sir, and not half an hour ago.
That's why I came here. was told
that you's give me a quarter"
But that isn't palmistry.''
The straightest kind, sir. It's right
there in one Of the lines that you'd give
me quarter and perhaps an old suit OF
clothes"
Then they lied to you. I'm not CIV
ing quarters to tramps. I've seen you
hanging around this street for year or
more
Then I'll get nothing from your
mo, SIR"
Then I'll tell you OF another line in
my hand. The feller who read 1t said
I'd bump up against the meanest old
skinfiint in town before my good luck
came. and I've bunpedI'
What! What! You clear out OF this
shouted Mr.. Bowser as he grappled the
man by the collar and shook him.
Yes. sir, and the next line indicates
that I'm a peaceful man till I'm
aroused, but that when anybody takes
~ NHC NOlldT anu lEicS 70 Tic
teeth out OF my mouth
You won't go eh?" shouted Mr.. Bow
ser as they mixed 1t up.
Let go my hair"'
Don't try to grab my throatn'
And don't shake me"'
What you want Is a good humping
But no baldhead can give It to me!
Hit me in the stomach, will you? Then
take that!'
Five minutes later Mrs. Bowser and
the cat went TO the door to look out.
Mr.. Bowser sat there bareheaded, with
a handkerchief to his left eye, and al
the bottom OF the steps an old goat
that had wandered into the yard was
eating up his hat.
II thought heard grunts and
groans and a struggle out here" she
said.
No reply.
Have you got discouraged about
palmistry?"'
He gurgled in his throat, but no
words came.
1T was funny we didn't see criss-
cross line indicating a tramp" continued
Mrs. Bowser. DO you think We miss
ed it,
Mr.. Bowser softly dabbed the hand
kerchief against his aching optic and
heaved a sigh, and the stars twinkled,
the big white moon looked down in gen.
tleness. and Mrs. Bowser slid into the
house and hunted up the arnica and a
bundle Of soft rags.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

hurt your feelings. Here-look at my
hand again II you wish"
But do not wish!'' he stiffiy replied.
There are some folks so blamed mean
that their palms tell nothing more than
gridiron would. 1 took up palmistry
for a diversion, and I propose to carry
it along in spite of your would-be sar-
casm. II you want to go into Green's
take the cat along with you. I'll 60 down
and read the cooks future for hers
Mrs. Bowser leaned back with a sigh,
and the cat followed Mr.. Bowser down.
stairs with a well-founded belief that
something OF interest would occur. The
cook looked up with surprise as her do
minions were invaded, and that surprise
Increased as she learned the object OF the
visit. She felt II her duty, however, to
hold out her hand as requested, and after
look at II Mr.. Bowser sagely said:
This line here indicates a short life
and a violent death. This other line in
dicates a lack OF ambition. This line tells
me that you will never marry. This
other line indicates that you
That's enough, sirT' she said as she
pulled her hand away. do you see that
line there? Well, that indicates that II
you are to come fooling around this
kitchen with your nonsense I'll pack me
don't you go out and read the hen
tracks in the alley and find that you
are to grow whiskers clear down to your
toes?"
But. my dear woman. this is PALMS
try" he mildly protested. Mature has
engraven certain lines on your palm as
an index
II am no index, sir, and II you are not
satisfied with my cooking I'll go, All the
lines on me palm come from rubbing the
washboard and handling the fiatiron. and
that's all there is to IL. Am l to go?'
Mr.. Bowser went instead. He was
piqued and chagrined at his failure. and
the sight OF a half-suppressed smile on
Mrs. Bowser's face set his ears to work
ing.
Il might have known she had a head
OF putty" he exclaimed, as he squared
of for a row.
Mrs. Bowser discreetly held her tongue.
and the cat took a walk under the piano
and toned down her purr. For fivs Gin
utes Mr.. Bowser paraded up and down.
and then marched down the hall, clapped
his hat on his head and passed out on
the steps. He was just in time to meet
a person ascending, and the person sa-
luted him with:
Gould you help a man with a dying
wife and six starving children"
Have you ever heard about palm
istry?" queried Mr.. Bowser in reply,
after a minute.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
The Centerpede Saloon.
A GOOD DEAL OF SMOKE.

In attempting to shoot the end off a
cigar between the teeth of Sam Clay, at
the postofflce last Wednesday afternoon,
old Jim Hewson made aS slight error in
his calculations and carried away the tip
of Sans nose. 1t is a nose wrinkled with
age, Redeemed with whisky, and not
worth Is cents as noses go, but old Sam
was foolish enough to get mad about II
and open fire. As soon as the fun began
Mai. Hope, Col. White, Tom jackson,
and several others Joined in, and for five
minutes there was a constant popl popi
pop! of revolvers. When the smoke
cleared away Bob Shingles yaler dog
lay dead in the road-the only thing
touched by the dozens OF bullets fired.
Things have indeed come to a pretty
pass in this town. and our individual
advice TO every man OF that crowd is to
go hang himself. Another such a fiasco
as that and real estate won't sell for a
dollar an acre.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

The Bowser cat sat on the hearth wink
ing and blinking.
The Bowser cricket had crept under the
piano to chirp.
Mrs Bowser sat reading book.
Mr.. Bowser sat reading his paper ano
smoking. -
1t was as peaceful a household as could
be found in the State.
Suddenly
The cat ceased winking and blinking.
The cricket came OF his chirp.
Mrs Bowser looked up.
The cook fell down the cellar stairs
with a yell,
Mr.. Bowser hitched to the right-then
to the left-then said:
Must be a mighty interesting book.
Fairly So" replied Mrs. Bowser.
Wouldn't want to lay it aside for a
few minutes to talk with me?'
why, OF course. / was wondering
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
Ho, We That Thirst!

THE RED DOG SALOON ON TOP.
Best beer Best wine. Best whisky.
No one to watch you while you pour out!
No gang of Ioafers TO ring on on strangers.
We have lately added an extension to
our bar. and twenty-eight men can now
stand up and drink at once. We permit
pounding on the bar with the butt Of a
gun to attract attention, and all shoot
Ing scraps are slicked over and made as
easy as possible.
JOHN WHITE. Alias ''NERVY JACK" 4"
WILL MIX FOR YOU WHILE YOU
WAIT:
GRIZZLY BEAR WASHES.
ROCKY MOUNTAIN FLIPS,
PANTHER COCKTAILS,
WHITE WOLF SCREAMERS,
And all other favorite beverages Of the
glorious West. Don't forget the place,
and don't run away If you happen to
come in when old Jim Hewson and Uncle
Billy smith are popping at each other
JIM HOPE. Propr.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

and 1t was finally agreed that Scott
should pilot US to the land, and take
another jar OF gold dust for his share.
He would then be landed at Batavia to
go where he pleased. The rest Of the
treasury was to be recovered for the
owners of the bark, but We were told
that they would be liberal with all. 1t
was hard bargain the Scotchman
drove with the rescued sailor, but Scott
fell in with the idea and the course OF
the ship was changed.
The Chagos Archipelago consists of a
score Of islands, banks, and reefs. Scott
believed his island was the easternmost
one Of all, but as he could not be sure
OF II, We had to examine all. Running
between them and around them was slow
work, and we had to feel our way, and
1t was six or seven days before We reach
ed the last. We had found no such island
as described by the sailor. and in our dis
appointment and chagrin he came in for
plenty Of abuse He retaliated by point
ing to his treasure. II there was no
island. no cave and no treasure. how did
he come by the ivory and gold dust? 1t
was a convincing argument, and our cap
tain decided to bear away to the east
and search at haphazard. At the close
of the fourth day, sailing back and forth
across a sea supposed to contain no land
for hundreds Of miles IN every direction
but the west, we sighted Scott's island.
He identified 1t as soon as 1t could be
seen from the deck, and We ran In and
came to anchor for the night within a
mile from the beach. Had the night not
been so dark believe the captain would
have had a boat down, but as II was
he dared not chance it. Such was the
excitement aboard that no man slept for
an hour. and as soon as daylight had
come and the men had had bite to
eat we set on to secure the treasure.
We soon found the opening of the bay
and rowed into II. Scott had been on
the island for over a year, and the hut
he occupied and the hagstaff he erected
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
JR YOUR OWN WHISKY.
MT SPIT COTTON
Postohice Notice.

From and after this date all mails for
Pine Hill, DEVILS Elbow, Grizzly Hill,
Lone Jack, Grass Valley, and Dead Mans
Hill will leave Givedam Gulch at s
o'clock a. m.
All mails from the above places are
due here at o'clock p. m, but the car
riers may get drunk and come in any
time during the evening.
All persons calling at the general de-
livery window for mail are hereby in
formed that shooting through the win
dow will not hasten the delivery of
mail in the slightest.
No letters sent unless stamped No
trust for stamps. II you don't lick on
your own stamps they won't be licked.
Any person kicking in the door and
arousing the postmaster after midnight
will get more bullets than mail.
JIM HELLSO, p. NJ.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

over the bank At the next meeting two
candidates will be given the doublefop,
and a banquet will follow.
Queer Kusses-Meets Wednesday even
ings in the lodge rooms of the G. of NJ.
The work at the next meeting will be the
.'hiIarfous bounce" and five candidates
are expected to be on hand. If you belong
10 this order you can travel all over
Arizona and ii won't cost you a cent
Bully Boys-Meets Tuesday evenings at
its lodge rooms over the postofice- No
man with a wooden leg admitted. The
object of this society is to secure free
drinks for its members Has over
10000 members in the United States.
saves every member $50 yearly on his
drinks.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
The Brunswick,

This old and favorite resort for travel
ers who desire rest and refreshment is
opened again, after extensive improve
ments, and we boldly declare 1t the peer
of the finest hostelry in the world. 1t
contains "a rooms. which have been fitted
up at an expense OF sl2 each, and over
50 people can find sleeping accommoda-
tions on the bar, the billiard tables and
in the back yard. in case of a rush.
The best of everything to eat, and no
extra charge for meals sent to rooms or
for shooting at walters. A cloth on every
table, sheets on every bed and every
room supplied with a pal! OF water and
a box of matches.
The editor of the Kicker used to board
here. but our fare was too rich for his
blood.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

The Keyote Restaurant.
This favorite old eating house, patron
lied by the editor Of the Arizonia Kicker
and other tony critters for the last five
years, is still doing a rushing business,
and is the only place in town where you
can get a square meal for dollar.
NO FORKS OR NAPKINS
To offend the fastidious and take away
from their appetite. but every customer
is allowed to use his fingers and wipe his
mouth on his coat tails.
BEAR MEAT.
VENISON.
BEEF STEAKS.
PRAIRIE CHICKENS.
And other toothsome meats, and you
can eat as much as a grizzly and no one
will hit you with a club. If our walters
are impudent or dilatory stir them UP
with hot lead, but for Gods sake don't
shoot at the crockery till we get rich
enough TO buy more.
OUR TERMS ARE CASH
And those who attempt to blk US are
buried in the sand lots just behind the
house. Therefore, come with the rhino,
unless you are tired of life.
BILL GREEN, Sole Prop'r.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
Our Advertisers.

Touching the effect OF our policy, we
would invite the attention of people out
side the State TO the extent and charac-
ter of our advertising patronage. Our ad-
vertisers say what they mean in good,
plain talk, and their announcements show
the varied business interests of this town.
Here are examples OF some of the ads of
our enterprising business men:
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
The Royal Hotel.

Only swell hotel in Giveadam Glitch.
BY putting four in a bed this hotel will
accommodate 200 people. We use regular
crockery in the dining room, and any
one wishing napkin can have It. Soap,
water, and towel in the room IL desired.
Reds made UP once per day, same as in
New York. You can sleep with your
boots on or on. shoot at the lamps in
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

you go downtown, Duy me a spool Of
white thread, No. 80"
How much a spool is white thread,
No. S0?' I asked OF the merchant.
six cents" he replied.
And how much for No. 40?''
The same"
"And Sop
The same"
"And 6O?'
still the same"
I took No. 50, of course, and when got
home I tried TO make the good wife be-
lieve I had made S cents by not taking
No. 80, but she had no word of praise for
me. Some of US were born not to be ap-
preciated. and must bear it as well as
we can.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
Rocky Mountain Dan.

am still holding forth at the old place
in Third Street, and never carried a big
ger stock OF the stuff than now is under
my roof.
POUR YOUR OWN WHISKY.
Every critter is allowed to pour out his
own whisky, and the universal price of a
drink is 10 cents. II you want to make
a hog of yourself, here is the place to
do II.
DON'T SPIT COTTON
When, Rocky Mountain Dan is ready to
supply you with everything wet and help
you to get gloriously drunk.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30
Hats at -, $40, and S15.
Secret Societies.

C. of M-Meets Thursday evening in
it's lodge rooms over Gilberts store. The
work at the next meeting will be the
seventh degree of the grapevine twist
on a one-eyed man, and a high old time
Is expected.
Sons of Guns-Meets every Thursday
evening in the year in its lodge rooms
The Washington herald., 1913-11-30

the dining room. eat as much as you
please and then lick the plate. The idea
of the proprietor is to make you feel at
home. Terms, 50 per day and upward,
according to the looks Of the man.
GREEN & PERKINS, Proprietors.