The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1913-05-19
ABatch of Smiles

in the country and the farmer was
showing him around. Coming to a
field that contained a large black bull,
the farmer said:
There's a fine, strong bull there.
Master William. and it's only two
years old"
How do you tell it's age?" queried
the boy.
by its horns" said the farmer.
looked thoughtful a moment. then his
face cleared. "Ah, I see. Two horns
two years"
A young mar in Washington who
many months ago hung up his shingle
AS attorney at law" has not vet been
overwhelmed with clients. A friend.
entering the office n day. observed
on the desk a cheap alarm clock.
Taking it home, eh?" he observed.
Good thing at this time of the year.
Every one is liable to oversleep these
mornings" The lawyer smiled.
Il have not purchased that clock
for the reasons YOU mentioned. I keep
it here to wake me when it's time to
go home"
An old negro in a South Carolina
town was arrested for stealing chick
ems and as he bore a rather bad rep
utation it was hard to secure counsel
for him. At last a young lawyer, who
had known Rastus for a long time,
took his case, to the great JOY of the
old fellow. At his trial the Judge
asked him:
Are you the defendant?"
Tho old FELLOW was perplexed for a
moment and then replied:
sNo sol, l,t.c do lf1,J-- -. e..
pointing proudly to his counsel. Use
de man wot stole de chickens"
While visiting a friend the other
day a Washington woman was admir-
ing some fine bits of china that We're
displayed on a buffet table, and OF
these her attention was particularlv
drawn to a big Japanese cup. Taking
1t up to examine the details Of design,
the caller was startled to see that the
piece had been broken and awkwardlv
glued, She called her hostess's at
tention TO the fracture, w~hereupon the
latter Immediately summoned her
maid.
Margaret" said the lady Of the
house, this cup is broken
Yes. mum: I had an accident"
But it has heen glued together"
continued the mistress. 1T is unpar-
donable of YOU to conceal Your fault
in this way-to glue the piece with
out saying a word to me. Now, if Vol
had come to me openly and said YOU
had broken it ] would have forgiven.
you and
Excuse me. num-" ]interposed the
maid eagerly, the other one like it is
broker too"
At a performance in Denver a wo-
mar whose ticket only entitled her to
a seat in the gallery insisted upon
standing in the orchestra aisle.
Tho manager was called upon to
talk to the lady after the usher failed
to convince her thai she was not with
in her rights.
You paid only SO cents for your
ticket. said the manager, land it does
not entitle YOU to stand downstairs.
and we are not selling standing room
here. anyhow. this afternoon"
What do YOU charge for standing
room down here when you do sell it?"
demanded the woman.
Spouse.
Then I'll stand on one foot during
the rest of the performance" she re-.
piled.
= IheFe is a story Of. a Scotch GENTLE
mar who had to dismiss his gardener
Tor dishonesty. For the sake of the
mans wife and family. however, he
gave him a Character and. framed
1T In this way: II hereby certify tha,
A. b. has been my gardener for over
Two years. and that during that tim.
he got more out Of the garden than
any man l ever employed.
It was in St. Paul's Cathedral that
a guide held forth thus to an Ameri-
can traveller:
That, sir, is the tomb Of the great
est naval 'ero Europe or the whole
world ever knew"
"Yes?"
TT is. sir. the tomb of Lord Nelson.
This marble sarcophiggus weighs for
ty-two tons. Hinside that is a steel re-
ceptacle weighing twelve tons. and
ninside that is a leaden casket, 'er-
sealed. weighing two tons.
ainside that is a Mahogany coffin old
ing the ashes of the great ,ero."
Well" said the Yankee. after a
moments reflection. 81 guess you've
got him: II he ever gets out Of that
telegraph me at my expense" :.
Shortly after marriage manv a man
has discovered what real happiness
Every man has two kinds of friends,