Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-02-21
On the ~ ~ ~
SPUR q qzn
MOMENT
BY Roy K. Moulton

| ished a fine rug which covers the
whole parlor. She made it out of the
tops of carpet slippers the Rev. got
| for Christmas.
The funniest thing l ever see was
a seven dollar mule pulling four
thousand dollar oatmobile up hill.
Elmer Jones got a job as drum
mer for a shoe house, but he busted
his drum and got home inside of a
week
They say that figgers don't lie, but
I have observed a good many chorus
girls ON the street and am somewhat
epithet;
By gravy. you can't believe all you
see in the papers. Hi Purdy saw an
ad which said a company down to the
city had nickel alarm clocks for sale
and he went down there, but couldn't
get one for nickel anywhere.
Miss Euphemia Perkins, our poet
ess of passion, is tall1in' of startin'
suit agin the heirs and assigns of
LATE Pringle, who passed away about
twenty-seven years ago. About two
months ago they decided to erect
monument for the late lamented and
hired our poetess to write the epithet.
After it was all carved on the tomb
stone so she couldn't take it back
they refused to pay, sayin' that the
sentiment wasn't exactly what they
wanted. as il seemed to have a little
sarcasm onto the tail end of it and
there was too much free advertising
for the author in it. This was the
epiethet:
I'm asked TO write little jingle
In memory of old man Pringle.
In writin epithets, you see,
There amt no one got much on Inc.
The graveyard's full of my best verse;
You might go further and do worse.
A persons virtues I'll rehash
And only ask half down in cash.
Old man Pringle lies beneath TINS
stone;
For many years he lived alone,
But when they knew that he would
die
The relatives all rallied nigh.
For he had quite a lot of dough,
And this the relatives did know
He was the queerest of old chaps
He's gone to his reward-perhaps.
The lawyer says that Euphemia
might have said little more about
Pringle and a little less about her.
self on the tombstone. but he will
try and win the case for her never
theless.
NOAH WEBSTER DOWN TO DATE.
Bonehead-A young man who thinks
that two can live as cheaply as one.
Dryfarming-Far in a local
option county.
Mollycoddle-A gentleman who
hangs around a dress goods bargain
counter.
Switchboard-A board on which to
hang false hair at night.
Ivorybean-A gink that thinks there
is only one girl in the world.
| observation-disclosures that no.
body in Washington knows anything
about.
Clarinet-An instrument of torture.
WOODROW.
Dear Woodrow, you can have your
job,
| You're welcome to it, too.
I'm glad I'm just a common lob
An no celeb like you.
haven't get twelve thousand men
All beggin' jobs of me.
They do not camp upon the porch
And perch in every tree
Nobody offers me advice
On problems small or great,
Nobody has to tell me how
To steer the ship Of state.
90 not have to walk the chalk,
And walk it every day.
And weigh each word of mine, for
fear
of what the world might say.
A horde of energetic scribes
Don't camp upon my trail
And make me wish ten times day
That [ were locked in Jail.
I've got the edge on you, Woodrow,
I know you will agree,
For if the nation would go bust
They'll all blame you, not me.
Found-Lady's handbag. Contents:
lone powder puff, calling cards, hand
glass, needle and thread, matinee
tickets. chewing gum, face veil, five
samples of lace, ehamois skin rag
sewing silk, smelling salts, bottle OF
perfume, nineteen hairpins, one back
comb, cold cream, nine recipes fol-
combination salad, photographs OF
William Faversham, door-key, nal
lille. nail polisher, two postage
stamps. club program, shirtwaist pat
tern. one street car ticket and nine
cents in real money.