Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1913-02-03

the ballot box with coffin and
scholars cap below it meant, 1.-THE bal
lot box is the one peaceful bludgeen
in the hands of the people He who
is stricken by it may either crawl into
his political coffin and die at once, or
prolong life a little by going to teach
at university"
A non descript. double-ended ami
NAL, with a moose bead at one end
and an elephants at the other. re-
placed the time-honored goat. that
both candidates should be able to
ride at once. When il broke down
under their combined weight, Thee
dore defantly declared that though
he. couldn't run the darn thing BY
Godfrey. | smashed it, while Will
lam backed himself against the world
for good loser In the struggle the
wigs and false mustaches becoming
displaced. revealed the features of the
two new candidates for admission to
the Club, John E. Monk, of the st.
Paul Dispatch and John p. Gayit, of
the New York Evening Post.
Next, President Elect Wilson was
discovered conducting his first cabinet
ing and calling upon a member for
his. thesis, 1t soon appeared that
all the cabinet officers from the secre-
tary of state to the attorney general
bore the features of William J. Bryan.
There were nine in all, around the
cabinet board.
Where is my cablnet?" queried the
President.
He will soon be here" replied his
secretary.
He? You mean they For that error
OF grammar YOU will translate five
extra pages of Homer" retorted Mr.
Wilson.
Reminded that lie had never before
attended a cabinet meeting, Secretary
of State Bryan admitted that he had
not, but added, u have made three at
tempts at it." Secretary of the Treas
ury Bryan declared he had not had
financial idea since 1896 Secretary of
Wai Bryan declared he was not Mr.
Wilson's secretary Of war but his own
secretary, that he was not in Mr.. Will
sons cabinet but was his cabinet. Sec
rotary of the Navy Bryan favored no
more battleships, until Lincoln. Neb.
became seaport. Attorney General
. Bryan. residuary legatee of 400 incom-
pleted trust prosecutions, declared his
trust policy to be, ITO bust those we
can't trust, and trust those we can't
bust, and explained that when trust
was programmed the small stockhoId-
ers lose theirs quicker" The real
trouble began when President Wilson
undertook to frame his message, as the
Bryan cabinet insisted on relieving
him. Many good topics were declared
to be reserved for four years, such as
Philippine independence, government
ownership Of telegraphs. penny post
age. etc. But the cabinet agreed that
, fer present consideration 1t might take
Ut the protection of the fur seal: the
abolition OF the Turkey Trot at inaugu-
raj balls, Civil Service reform and the
rule of the people" And as the cabi-
/ RET meeting broke up. each raembet
| left the Presidents hand a little memo
| randum to this effect
1.-The thing to bear down on hard is
one 4-year-term for the President OF
| the United States"
| Miss Democracy came to the dinner il
search of a mascot, which afforded TIN
| musical members OF the Gridiron Club al
opportunity to revive the comic opera O
that name as "a Vehicle for a parody OF
the political situation. Thomas Jefferson
shade returning TO earth to ascertain hoy
| the Party Great, which he fathered
had improved, undertook to assist tn
maid in her search, and the result wa
floor of mascots.
! First came Miss Tariff Reform. with
toy sheep, described by jefferson a
Schedule X" which though just now
lamb, soon would be made a goat. San
Miss Tariff.
u feel quite apprehensive,
That before I'm reduced
Someone with taste expensive
VIII mark me for a boost"
Other maseots came in order. mis-