davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
He d Learned His Lesson.

Taking with him his best bedside
manner the new vicar set out to visit
the patients in the local hospital.
In one Of the wards he observed a
pale young man lying on a bed, heav-
lily swathed in bandages, and looking
very. very miserable. So the vicar
stopped and administered a few words
Of comfort.
Never mind, my man" he re-
marked, in cheering tones; you'll
soon be yourself again. Keep on
smiling; that is the way in this
world"
III never smile again." replied the
youth sadly
Rubbish" exclaimed the vicar.
There amt no rubbish about It,
retorted the other. I'll never smile
again l say-not at another fellows
girl. any'owl"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
Fish Not Wanted.

Il hear you're going to marry
Archie Blueblood Diana Is it true?'
asked one young society woman of
another
Marry him! 1 should think not!
What on earth could l do with the
man? He can't ride. he can't play
tennis, golf, nor, for that matter, can
he even drive a motor carl"
oh" said the friend, but he can
swim beautifully you know"
Swim, indeed, Now, l ask you,
would you like a husband you had
to keep in an aquarium"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
Little Bobbie' S
Pa
By WILLIAM F. KIRK.


Blackstone Smith. He jest left
| college & he is going to be a law
yer, he doant know in witch town
until he hears from all the towns that
is after him & then he will pick out
the town he likes best
He was awful stuck up. he was the
stuckest up boy I ever seen. He is
twenty years oald & he thinks he is a
man, he called me a little shaver & sed
Poor boy. after he has climbed the tree
of nollege at sum college he will know
the difficulties witch US men has to face.
Yes. dare say, sed Pa, this Ginning
a tree OF nollege at college is sum sport,
Blackstone
What pritty naim, Blackstone. sed
Ma.
My parents knew I was going to be
lawyer, he sed, so they gaiv me the
naim Of the gratest lawyer that ever
lived. It IS fitting naim for me,
doant you think so?
Any first naim seems to At Smith
pritty good, sed Pa. Wen are you going
to begin laying down the law to the
wurld? Maybe my firm can swing sum
bizness yure way, Pa sed, II you locate
here in town. My firm is always in
trubbel. Thay doant lissen to my ad-
vice.
shall be glad to straiten them out
after l start my office, sed Blackstone
Smith. That is, I shall endeavor to ad-
Just, adJudicate, transact, perform &
otherwise accomplish such legal acts &
deeds as you may then or at any future
time bring, fetch or cause to be brung
or fetched to my office OF course, I
shall expect a sutabel honorarium, he
sed.
A what? sed Pa.
A sutabel honorarium. sed Blackstone
Smith. A fee that is commensurate
with my skill & my legal lore.
Oh, that will be all rite, sed Pa, l
will see that the firm pays you about
what you are worth. That wuddent
brake my firm, sed Pa.
l am riteing a textbook in my lee
shur moments, sed Mister Smith, about
masters liability for acks of his SER
want. 1t is going to be vary compre-
hensive work, he sed, dwelling fully on
all personal injury cases that may be
brought in any city, village, town, ham
let burg, postoffice, railroad stashun,
jumping off place or whistling post IN
any State or Territory in the Union
That is fine, sed Pa. I always like
to see yung man be ambishus Are
you going to talk any divoarce cases ?
Not until I have a large staff Of law
clerks, sed Blackstone Smith Then I
shall transact, perform, render & other
wise do any & all such services as are
conneckted or remotely connected with
any ackshun for a divoarce, separashun
interlockatory decree or other form of
the EJlnulment, smashing & rendering
void of the marriage state.
l have sum very fine burbon here,
sed Pa. Wud you like a littel dram.
gill, boot, snort, snifter, shot, or sip
Of sed burbon as aforesed. situated on
the northeast corner of the southwest
quarter of the sideboard contiguous
hereto? sed Pa.
1 newer drink, sed Blackstone Smith
feel that l owe it to my future clients
to stay sober
am afrade that yure future clients
Will be lot soberer men than you are,
sed Pa. You doant want any honora-
rum. Pa sed, what you want is a sani-
tarium
Then Blackstone Smith got kind OF
cool & pritty soon he went hoam.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
:: Placing The Blame =:

bread there might be some senss
of it, but brown bread is all
ways solid and heavy. I let It riSs
20 minutes. l know it was as long
as that because 1 was waving nv
hair while it was rising and 1 could
not possibly wave it in less than
20 minutes.
I think you'll like the new way
I'm waving my hair, parted and
waved with bun at the nape Of the
neck. Paul says it makes me look
like little Italian madonna The ef-
feet is simple, but it's really a lot of
bother. If you like, I'll drop in to-
morrow and show you how to do your
hair the same way. OF course, with
your golden hair you'll be a Rubens
madonna
Annoying.
Pardon me, but this line is busy,
I wish you'd kindly wait till 1 have
finished talking.
There, isn't that annoying? I be-
lieve I'll have to make a serious
COihpldlnL 10 the telephone company.
There's no sense in being subjected
to such frequent annoyance. She al
most made me forget what we were
talking about Oh. yes, my brown
bread. Well, all 1 can say is that IL
was perfectly horrfd, and all those
expensive materials were wasted.
when I'm trying so hard to reduce
the cost of things.
Now, Laura, don't think It's kind
of you to say that 1 didn't follow
your directions. I'm sure / did al
most everything almost exactly the
way you said.
We'll, no; 1 didn't bake It in a
slow oven l wanted to go down
town before luncheon, and I must
say that | don't see what difference
1t makes whether a thing is baked
slowly or quickly so long as it is
baked. Really, dear. you have a lot
of old fashioned notions about cook
ing. What's the use of having mod
ern convenience if you're going to
make your gas range bake as slowly
as the old coal stove your mother
had to use?
mo; l see we can't agree, SO
there's no use discussing the matter,
Anyway, that persistently rude per-
son is trying to get the line again.
l suppose l may as well let her
have it."
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16

lHT TELLO, Laura Is that you at
the phone? Good morning.
Yes, we're all well. thank
you 1 called up to say that was a
rather mean practical joke you play
ed on me. especially when you know
how fond your brother Paul is Of
brown bread. I must say that
thought l could depend upon his own
sister to give me the recipe his moth
er used.
You say you did give it to me?
Impossible. The bread baked
wasn't fit to eat 1t was awfully an
noying, particularly as I made it all
myself while Thora was out Thurs
day, for l was so anxious to have it
just right for Paul He has been
talking about brown bread for
months. l wanted to show him that
even if he did come from a family of
famous cooks there are others.
MY failure with the bread was a
dreadful disappointment to me. I've
been waiting till 1 got over being
angry about it before mentioning the
matter to you. l just wish to say,
dear, that giving me a defective re-
cipe didn't appeal to my sense of
humor, although doubtless you
thought it was funny. All you Gran
dalls are so absurdly fond of joking.
"Of course, it's easy for you to in
sist now that you gave me the proper
ingredients and quantities, but If you
did, why wasn't the bread good?
Horrid Stuff.
NO, l didn't use the moIasses that
you said. 1 can't bear the horrid
black stuff. 1t never seems clean to
me. In fact, l never have any of it in
the house.
Yes, | remember now, you did tell
me to get some, but you see | didn't
like such dark molasses, so, Of course,
| didn't order il.
Graham flour? Certainly l used
Graham flour and | sifted out the
bran.
why did l do that? Because I
don't care to feed my husband on
horse fodder. l got every bit of the
bran out of it, for l don't believe in
eating anything so rough. Really. l
can't endure such coarse food.
We'll, Of course, dear. every one to
her taste, II you like bran, | have
no objection I'm sure, but you can
scarcely expect me to eat it or ask
Paul to merely because you serve it
on your table.
Perhaps it is wholesome, but you
| know, Laura, | think it unwise to be
thinking all the time about what is
| beautiful l consider that simply
| pampering the digestion.
Yes, indeed, the cream was very
sour. In fact, it was buttermilk, so,
of course, it was sour.
| why, Laura, butteTmilk and sour
| cream are practically the same thing.
| You know very well that one is often
used as a substitute for the other I'm
sure that was not what spoiled my
! bread, for it was fresh buttermi%
| that our millIman brings especiaDs
| for Thora, who just loves it. / be-
| lieve in letting a maid have a feH
| little luXuries like that and, besides
| it comes in handy for cooking.
mo, you can not have this line It's
| busy. Isn't it surprising, Laura, how
| disCourteous people are about cutting
| in on the wire? 1t seems to me that
/ | never begin to telephone but the
other party on our line tries 10 inter-
rupt me. She's evidently a very ill
/ bred person.
No | didn't. It's all nonsense, let
/ ting bread rise such a length Of time
As minutes! Now, If it were white
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
THE GIRL is PICKLE.

| am 10, and deeply in love
with a girl the same age. l have
told her this and she has told me
she loves me Verv dearly She
keeps company with another
young man, but she tells me she
does not love hin half as much
as she loves me, but that she
cannot stop keeping company
with him, as she has kept com
pany with him for over a year.
She has even accepted an engage
ment ring from him. p. ID.
The girl is acting very dishonor-
ably. She shows no respect for y1r
or your rival, and, what is more
shows none for herself Give her NJ
for some girl who will be true to
you She will NJ, o. e hard to find
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16

year and 1 got
nothing I h a I
helped me until !
b e & a n taking
Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable
Compound. I was
irregular and had
cramps so b a d
that l had to go
to bed. Now |
have better health
than l have had
for years and l
cannot speak too
highly Of ur
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
Advice to the
Lovelorn
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX.
DON'T BE HAsTY IN JUDGMENT
DEAR MISS FAIRFAX:


l am 10, and lave been keep
ing company steadily with a
young man two years my senior,
for the past year and a half.
We are to be married next
month.
Last week while visiting a
theater with nv mother, / met
this young man with my girl
friend.
DO you think ! would live a
happy life marrying this man
who proved so untrue2
ANXIOUS
Have you given him a chance e
explain?
You owe him that much But H.
after hearing his explanation, you
still doubt him, you must give hln
up. There is no happy marriage
without faith
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16

CHICAGO, ILL.-'T take pleasure
In writing to thank you for what
Lydia E. Pinkhams Vegetable Com
pound has done for me. I suffered
with such awful periodic pains, and
had a displacement. and received no
benefit from the doctors. was ad-
vised to take Lydia Z. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, and am now as
Nell as ever"-Mrs. William Tully,
zO52 Ogden Avenue, Chicago, III.
81 you have the slightest doubt that
Lydia e. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound will help you, write to Lydia E.
pInkham Medicine Co. (contdentIaD,
Lynn, Mass, for advice. Your letter
will be opened, read and answered by
woman, and held in strict conf
dence.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
Up-to-Date
Jokes

At the fish docks in Aberdeen the
rather remarkable coincidence was
noticed OF three steam trawlers lying
berthed side by side. their names be-
ing respectively Rose, Shamrock and
Thistle.
What pity that Wales is not rep
resented" remarked a visitor. That
would have certainly completed it."
Don't worry about that, guv'nor,7
replied the man addressed Il expect
there's leak in one of them"
An author who was present at the
first night performance of a very sue
cessful play written by a rival de-
clared afterward that 1t was the poor
est piece he had seen.
Then why did you not hiss ?" in
quired a friend
Impossible" was the retort, "a man
can not hiss and yawn at the sams
timel"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
He Tells Her.

oh, senior, we have won the great
prizer
l felt utterly miserable I thought I
had got over the worst, and now came
this cruel discovery. Stammering like
criminal, had to tell her that ! had
lost the ticket. that l had searched for
it high and low, and that | had given
up every hope Of finding it.
In her eyes thought l saw a CLEAN of
doubt and supicion. but she raised her
tear-stained face to me, looked at me
with a gay smile and shrugged her
shoulders.
My conscience left me no peace until
made up my mind to look after her.
l sent her TO a boarding school, had her
educated and at last l married her.
And the strangest thing of all is that
found happiness.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
The Lottery Ticket

tn HE story of my marriage! You
wish to hear it? Well, you will
- find there is nothing common
place about it.
A pale, disheveled girl, in thread
bare dress, sold me lottery ticket one
night outside a cafe. paid her an
enormous amount for tia whole sill
yer dollar. and she rewarded my mu-
nificence with a charming smile and a
blush.
1T will surely bring you luck, senior, -
she said, in the low, clear voice peculiar
to the young girls of the lower class in
Madrid.
Are you quite sure?" I asked, laugh
ingly, as 1 put the ticket into my coat
pocket and buttoned my overcoat to
protect myself against the crisp De-
cember air.
Yes, am quite sure, senior. THAT
number will be drawn. You see 1t is
1920, and fourteen is the number of my
years and twenty the number of days
since my last birthday. That is the
reason l bought It,"
In that case, my child, we will play
together, and If the number is drawn,
half of the prize is yours"
Her pretty little face beamed with
joy.
Then, senior. give me your name and
your address I know the big prize will
be ours inside of four days"
Half regretting my joke. l gave her
my name and address. Ten minutes
later, as I walked from Porta del Sol
to Gale Montera, had forgotten the
whole incident.
Three days later, before I was out
of bed in the morning, heard the news
boys selling the list of winning num-
bers, and told my valet to get me a
copy. The first thing I saw when l
opened it was 1920 in fat type. Ny
ticket had won the great first prize of
1925 600 1 grew quite excited, jumped
out of bed and began to look for the
ticket.
The Ticket Lost.
remembered putting it into my over
.oat. But where was the coat. Oh. Of
course, it was hanging in the wardrobe.
{ opened the door and found it.
searched all the pockets-they were
empty. 1 rang the bell and asked my
valet # he had brushed the overcoat
during the last three days, and he re-
piled that he brushed and beat IT the
day before, after carefully emptying
the pockets, but there was no Lottery
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16

ticket in them. l looked at him sharply.
and his face convinced me that he spoke
the truth. Besides, he had been in my
service for more than five years. and l
had always found him loyal and faithful.
l blush when 1 think that l lost my
temper and abused him for my own
stupidity. l upset everything. emptied
the wastebasket and turned everything
in the room upside down. I found moth
ing. My hands were trembling as if in
fever; my tongue stuck to my throat.
but I was at last forced to give up the
search.
In the evening, when lay on my sofa
smoking my cigarette, suddenly heard
the door bell ringing. followed by angry
words between my servant and another
person. A moment later the girl who
had sold me the ticket rushed into my
room and threw her arms around my
neck
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
WOMAN A
GREAT SUFFERER
Tells How She Was Re.
stored To Health by Ly-
dia E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound.

GRANVILLE, ILL.-'T was a great
sufferer of female complaints for
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
Case of Mrs. Tully.

medicine. Mrs. Jessie Schaar, 413
Main Street, GRANVILLE III.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16
He Digresses.

l seem to have depressed again. I
make no apologies. That is what
am here for. To digress, and to for
get many things in the love of a
child"
After our plunge-and the water is
cold, and (May Richards never knew
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-07-16

Known as the kleptogra phi. a bur
glar alarm invented by an Italian ig-
mites flash ght and photographs the
intruder VINO invades the room in
which il is set.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-07-17
A. A. Owners Fear Feds.

st. Paul, Mimi, July 17-George
E. Lennon of ST. Paul, George Tebeau
of Kansas City, aid Mike Cantillon
of Minneapolis, all three association
franchise owners in their respective
cities, met here yesterday 1t is
thought the meeting was caused by
the crowds the new Federal league
teams are drawing in Kansas City
and Indianapolis. Since the league
placed a club in Tebeau's city he has
been scurrying around the .associa-
ton trying to devise some effective
means of checking the circuits
growth. Tebeau quietly arrived in st.
Paul yesterday morning. A telephone
call brought over Mike Cantillon and
the three magnates went into execu-
tive session. When asked whether or
not the Federal league was the big
topic Mr.. Lennon replied that it might
have been mentioned in the drift of
conversation.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-07-17
'BUNKED BY GOSH
HOWLS F. CHANCE
Peerless Leader Claims Zeider
and Borton Were Mis-
represented.

White Sox officials were surprised
yesterday with a report from New
York saying that the recent trade be-
tween the Sox and Yankees will be
the subject of an investigation by the
league authorities. Frank Chance
backed this up at Cleveland last night
and said that he was deliberately
deceived regarding the condition of
Borton and Zeider whom he accepted
in exchange for Chase. The P. L. is
determined to fight the case to the
finish.
Chance says he was personally as
sured by Manager Callahan of the
Sox that both men were physically
fit for big league ball. 1t is said
further that Zeider had been spiked
two weeks before the trade was
made, and is not yet in condition to
he is back in the game. Borton was
also represented as different player
than he is, according to the charge.
Callahan and Comiskey laughed at
the story and we're inclined to be-
lieve that it was bunk" They said
that any action is impossible, because
trade is a trade, and in this case
New York not only urged the deal,
but Chance himself picked Zeider ami
Borton from six or seven men Gala
han had named. He wanted these
two men in preference to the others.
! 81 guess I'll not make any ore
trades" said Comiskey when info ed
of the story. 81 am always blamed
for something or another. 1t was the
same in the Lord and Schalk deals.
Zeider may have been incapacitated,
but l noticed that he was good enough
/ to beat the SoX out of a couple of
ball games in the series at New York.
| There could have been no misrepre-
| sentation about Borton, as his aver
age spoke for itself and Chance had
seen him in action. There is no way
for them to demand PREPARATION, al
though it is unpleasant to have them
dissatisfied"
/ Cleveland, Ohio, July 17.-"Yes, /
have presented the case to President
Johnson" replied Frank Chance, man
ager of the New York Americans,
when asked about the New York story
that he got raw deal in the Chase
Zeider-Borton deal. Callahan told me
that Zeider was in shape to play and
he misrepresented Borton to me. Al
the time Zeider was laid up with a
bunion and l am told Callahan knew
all about it. Zeider tells me that
Callahan was aware of his condition
and knew he wouldn't be able to play
for some time.
"Zeider is now in the hospital and
may be laid up for the rest of the sea
son. Borton was also represented tc
me by Callahan as n much different
player than he proved to be. fee
that | was cheated and l expect tr
fight the matter out with the league
officials"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-07-17
UMPIRE MUSES. UP
NOISY BLEACHERITES

st. Louis, Mo, July 17-Umpire
Billy Evans of the American league
staff won a tug-of-war with a fan
who had been calling him harsh
names during the Westinghouse
Louis contest here yesterday after
noon. After the battle the umpire
held a shirt sleeve, but its owner
had vanished. A noisy fan was in
vited to step down on the field after
the game by the umpire, and they
went underneath the stand to settle
matters. When the arbiter's bolster
GUS critic learned that he was in for
fight he cried for help. Evans
caught hold of his shirt sleeve and
tried to pull him into the players
coop" but instead pulled the sleeve
out of the mans shirt At this stage
of the affair Colonel Hedges, presi-
dent of the local club, came along and
escorted the scared fan fSom the
park.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-07-17
OTHER SHEETS
DOWN AT DECATUR.

Old Thunderation declared an off
day Tuesday, and to cinch its guess,
spread one and fraction inches of
lather on the diamond. Dan O'Leary's
tight-rope walkers, the kind who car
ried parachute so that their drop
might be a slow and safe one, withal
certain to land them down among the
common folk, greeted the burg Just
before noon and spent the remainder
Of the day discussing the prospects for
a pleasant concert evening.
Harry Knapp will be formally in
troduccd to ito Decatur uppc- ter in
unpire's uniform, this being the
fatigued ge.t,eran's first appearance
in this haven.
Aside from the resignation of
Zeke Ferrias, who will go back to
the wooden mills following that 81
to fiasco of a few days since,
OLeary could not be interviewed
Roddy Hendrix seems to be the par
ticular gent of the visiting tribe who
is losing sleep over their slump.
Yet pity the ball player of a win.
ming club in stuffy hotels in ThreeI
climate.-Decatur Herald.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-07-17
Waller HASTY
SAYSB.JOHNSON
American League President
Criticises Hasty Action in
Regard to Stahl.

New York, July 17.-President B.
B. Johnson of the American league,
who left this city last night for De
troit, appeared both surprised and
vexed to learn that Jake Stahl had
been relieved of the management OF
the worlds champion Red Sox by
President McAleer of the Boston club.
Johnson said:
81 deeply regret that Mr.. McAleer
acted so hastily. There was no rea-
son for relieving Stahl of the manage
ment of the Boston team at this time,
and he was entitled to every consid-
Grafton the Boston club and the
American league could give him.
Stahl won the worlds championship
for the American league last fall, yet
in spite of that fact he was released
by Mr.. McAleer in mid-season, and
right in his home city, Chicago.
"Stahl cannot be held accountable
for the poor showing of the Red Sox
this season. Gardner, Yerkes, Wag-
ner, Lewis and Wood have all been
out of the game on account of injuries
and Stahl himself was unable to play
on account of an injury to his foot.
feel that the American league may
be sharply criticised for Mr.. McAleer's
hasty and ill-advised action, and if
had been in Chicago yesterday, Stahl
would not have been let out in such
fashion. If it were absolutely nee
essary to put some one else in charge
of the Red Sox, it could have been
done at the close of the season.
1T is said Stahl has been humiliat-
! ed in his own city and the American
league has been placed in the unen-
viable position of dropping in mid,
season a manager who won the
worlds championship last fall. Stahl
was an honorable and competent man,
ager and was highly esteemed in our
| league"