Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1913-03-08

WAS in love
! was in love with Martin Conrad.
Ny Joy was short lived. No sooner had
become aware that loved Martin Con
rad, than my conscience told me had
no right to do so. was married, and to
love another than my husband was sin.
It would be impossible to say with what
terror this thought possessed me. It took
all the sunlight out Of my sky; which a
moment before had seemed so bright It
came on me like storm of thunder and
lightning, sweeping my happiness into the
abyss.
All my religion, everything / had been
taught about the sanctity of the sacra-
ment of marriage seemed to rise up and
accuse me. It was not that l was con-
scious of any sin against my husband. |
was only thinking Of my sin against Coo.
The first effect was to make me realize
that it was no longer possible for me to
speak to Martin about my husband and
Alma To do this now that l knew loved
him would be deceitful, mean, almost
treaCherous.
The next effect was to make me see
that all thought of a. separation must now
be given up. How could accuse my hus-
band when | was myself in the same posi-
another man.
In my distress and fright I saw only
one means Of escape either from the filthy
burden to which / was bound or the con
Sciousness of a sinful heart, and that was
to cure myself of my passion l deter
mined to do so. l determined to fight
against my love of Martin Conrad, to
conquer and to crush IT,
Ny first attempt to do this was feeble
a4k1
self out of the reach of temptation by
refusing to see Martin alone.
For three or four days | did my best
to carry out this purpose, making one
poor excuse after another, when las hap
pened several times day. he came down
to see me-that / was just going out or had
just come in, or was tired or unwell
1t was tearing my heart out to deny
myself so, but l think could have borne
the pain to myself if 1 had not realized
that I was causing pain to him also.
My maid, whose head was always run
ming on Martin, would came back to my
room after delivering one of my lying
excuses and say: You should have seen
his face when ! told him you were i'll. 1t
was just as if I'd driven a knife into
him
Everybody seemed to be in conspiracy
TO push me into Martins arms-Alma
above all others. Being a woman, she
read my secret, and l could see from the
first that she wished to justify her own
conduct in relation to my husband by
putting me into the same position with
Martin.
Seen Mr.. Conrad today" she would
ask
Not today" / would answer.
Really? And you such old friends!
And staying in the same hotel, tool"
When she saw that I was struggling
hard she reminded my husband of his
Intention to asking Martin to dinner, and
thereGpon night was fixed and party
invited
Martin came, and was only too happy.
tried to take refuge in my religion.
Every day and all day l humbly besought
the pardon of heaven for the sin Of loving
Martin Conrad
The little religious duties which I had
neglected since my marriage (such as
crossing myself at rising from the table,
| began to observe afresh. and being re-
minded by Martins story that had prom
ised my mother to say De Protundls
for her occasionally, l now said one
every day. I thought these exercises
would bring me a certain relief, but they
did not do so.
searched my missal for words that
applied to my sinful state, and every
night on going to bed I prayed to God to
take from me all unholy thoughts, all
earthly affections. But what was the
use Of my prayers when in the first dream
OF the first sleep 1 was rushing into
Martins arms?
1t was true that my love for Martin
vas what the world would call pure
!9ve; 1t had no alloy of any kind; but all
me same l thought was living In con
alllon of adultery-adultery of the heart.
went oftener to confession than l had
zone before-twice week to begin with,
Jaen every other day, then every day,
6lt the old JOY, the sense Of purity and
cleansing, did not come. / thought at
arst the fault might be with my con-
lessor, for though l knew | was in the
presence of God, the whispering voice be-
ulna the grating, which used to thrill me
Nun feeling of the supernatural, was
snat of a young man, and / asked myself
@nen young priest could know by expe-
love.
Ihis was at the new cathedral at West
mister so I changed to little Catholic
luFth In kind of news in MAYFAIR, and
ue'e my cOnfessor was an older man
iuhSe Quivering voice seemed to search
G cry depths Of my being. He wac