davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Arizona republican., 1913-03-17
Empress

Leroy White. the southern sun flower, black as the ace of spades (When he is on the stage) has made a big hit at the Empress.
 Seabury and Price are introduced in a combination singing and drawing stunt that begins with the ridiculous and ends in the sublime
 That Trio furnishes the final num- Der. It is a musical and talking comedy stunt in which a flashing sol dier, a BoWery messenger boy and a handsome woman all contribute. They sing separately and together and to good effect.
 The special moving picture depict ing love episode on the Island of Tahiti in 1S42 between a French of ficer and a native Princess on the occasion of the visit of a French cruiser was number greatly enjoy ed, it was interesting not only be- cause Of the love story but of the beautiful scenery of the islands.
Arizona republican., 1913-03-17

s provide n nc h o a he work
Arizona republican., 1913-03-17
FINE THING

This maxim silencer is a great in vention," remarked the Boob.
 Tt would be- replied the Wise Guy, If they could attach it to sour eaters in restaurants. s.''-Cincinnati Enquirer
Arizona republican., 1913-03-17

forms the functions of a comedy brass band
 Hope Vernon sings SWeetly and when recalled gives an excellent violin number but her violin is not really necessary to know why the reader should go and see. Tonight is the last opportunity for the program changes tomorrow night.
Arizona republican., 1913-03-17
COLE BACK TODAY-Corporati

COLE BACK TODAY-Corporatio Commissioner A. w. Cole, who has been absent from his desk in the office at the state house for the past two weeks is expected back today. Commissioner Cole has been to Dallas, Texas, at tending sessions of the annual juris- 1iction encampment of the w O. w.. as delegate from the state of Ari. ZOna
Arizona republican., 1913-03-17
THE STATUS QUO

Maud-Does Kitty love Jack well enough to marry him?
 Marie-Oh, yes; but Jack believes in letting well enough alone.-Balti- more Sun.
Arizona republican., 1913-03-17
ALFALFA CROPS EARLY-Al

crops in the valley are from two to three weeks earlier than last year the stand is more vigorous and every in dication is shown of bumper seed year Old alfalfa men say that this year gives promise of wiping off all
 indebtedness incurred during the last three years
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
BY L. w. GARR ~ HARRIS

mo it isn't
Now what?"
We'll. I noticed one couple the
other night and they were at 1t
for fair.
sShe looked like a frail little
thing and got pretty nervous
at the way her partner bounced
her around. / was standing over
in a corner and when they came
down my way they dipped
Il see.'
And so did IL understand
after that q lot of things that had
been going over my head. She
may have been frail intellectually.
but I'll say this for her-she was
the first Amazon / ever saw with
out the usual shield and the long
spear. She was Just about as
frail as the average country
court house"
You're willing to concede then
that ragging has its educational
advantages?
Il am not There is no educa-
tional advantage to anything
that's of no advantage to you
when you're doing it, and can
take you to a rag dance any time
and prove that"
Prove whatT'
{ RAGING MORE
EXPENSIVE
Prove that there Is nothing
mental about it. Every couples
the same-only some are worse.
While the music's going and
they're putting over the squeeze
play. If you didn't know better.
you'd wager your life they were
either married or ought. to be.
But just watch them when the
music stops. they stand and look
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

Grand Duke-where is the almost
husband of my nearly wife?
" X
Scene between Brissard and Rene
Rene-Tm married and I am in
love-
Brissard-How like you. Always
unusual
Rene-But married one woman
and fell in love with another.
Brissard-That's the first conven-
tional thing you ever did in your life.
Rene-I married my wife after
five minutes acquaintance. lef her di-
rectly after the ceremony and will
never see her again.
Brissard-I've no need to ask If you
are happy.
Rene-My wife belongs to the past.
Henceforth / think of only one
woman. Angelo Didier
Brissard-If your wife gets to hear
of this you may lose her friendship.
X x
Brissard-Have you paid your taxi?
Rene-No, he can walt
Brissard-What, let taxi wait all
night? Rene, my boy, you're not hit
Rene and Angelo in love scene
Rene-Angele. have you made up
your mind?
Angele-Really. you take my breath
away.
Rene-Then listen TO me breathless-
ly for a moment.
Angelo asks the Duke to describe
to her the man she has married with
out having seen.
The Duke-You wouldn't care for
him in the least. He doesn't resemble
me in the least.
Angele-But what is he like?
sDuke-I can best express IL thus:
1t you were fishing and he were a fish
and YOU caught him you'd put him
back
Duke-Now have you reason for
wanting 10 see him A sensible. logi-
cal. definite reason:
Angeie-Yes.
Duke-What is ii?
Angele-Because
Duke-You couldn't have said more
if you hadn't spoken
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
Broadway Jones, Broks,
Gets $l,2oO,ooo Offer

@Broadway Jones'" by George NJ.
Cohan, will serve as the vehicle for
the opening week of Bert Lytell and
Evelyn Vaughan at the Alcazar thea
ser. commencing Monday Lytell will
essay the role of Jackson broadway
Jones. who has squandered a fortune
of S250.000 along Broadway and has
incurred debts aggregating $4,000
In this desperate condition he meets
a.swealthy e. widow who wants to marry
him. Jones accepts the widow. de-
spite the protestations of his best
friend, Wallace. At this point tele-
gram arrives announcing that Jones
uncle has died in Europe and left
him the entire estate, which consists
Of a chewing gum factory. The Con-
solidated Chewing Gum company of
America wants this factory. Penn
broke, the company's representatives
calls on Jones and offers him $1,000
900 TO sell it. Here is scene that
follows:
Jones-where is the money? Have
you got it now?
Pembroke can get my lawyers
together within the hour if you are
ready to close the deal
Jones-Well, come on, then; let's
get them. What are you waiting for?
Pembroke-Do you mean business?
Jones-Certainly I mean business.
Don't / look like business man?
Look at the business suit See, I've
got a lead pencil and everything
Certainly mean business. =
Pembroke-You mean you'n sign
the articles today?
Jones-For twelve hundred thou
sand dollars I'd sign a murderer's con-
fession.
y Pembroke-It's 12 o'clock.
Jones-Is it?
Pembroke-We'lI meet here at 2.
Jones-Tn be right here, waiting.
Pembroke-Wnl you shake hands
with me?
Jones-sure. I'll kiss you If you
want me to.
Pembroke-Jones you're doing
business with a great company.
Jones-You're the greatest company
] ever met.
Pembroke-Two o'clock-don't for
get-2
Jones-Don't forget-12.
Pembroke-Goodby
Pembroke (exiting)-Goodby.
Jones calling after him1-Goodby.
Be careful crossing the street. (Pem-
broke has gone. and Jones turns
down stage). That's the first time j
knew that they could telegraph from
heaven. -
Rankin (entering)-I told the chef.
sir. and he said
Jones-Never mind what the chef
SAYS; you tell him he must stay. Il
wouldn't lose him for the world, : You
20 and raise his salary and give him
nv regards Understand?
Rankin-Yes, sir.
Jones-Say. come here. Where do
you live.
Rankin-In Harlem, sirs-~ -ss-e-8
Jones-Got fiat? .-vssss-ss
Rankfn-Yes.s sir. zHEK!
Jones-Like this furnitureE Esf2
Rankin-Bcautiful. sir.
Jones-It's yours.
Rankin-Oh, thank you. sir. Any
thing else2
- Jones-No; what else do you want?
Vet out. don't bother me. I'm bust
ness man
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

step polka. there you are again.
But with electric lights and rag
ging, where are you? Why a man
in Siskiyou county can cut
wire and put you in total dark
ness, while with two people rag
ging, ever If they both happen to
think of the same thing It's some
thing between squat tag and
walking in your sleep. But II
ever they get the signals mixed.
you can't tell whether the woman
is going to faint. or whether they
are married and the man is beat
ing her up in public. Why a
young girl who lives next door to
us was warped two inches out OF
plumb by her partner who tried
to give her the dip signal in the
sign language.
No, she went at it again the
next night. and another disagree
ment as to signals and came
home as straight as an arrow.
Why they make people get per-
mits to hold boxing match and
allow ragging without compelling
them to train and weigh in. I
don't know
You'll admit that 1t is grace
ful?"
THEY'RE GUILTY
THAT'S ALL
II will not. Whenever see two
people dancing as II they were
trying to sneak up on some one
who had lied about them or who
look as if they had been caught
trying to steal second. you'll
never get me to admit anything
except that they are guilty"
Aside from that though, rag
ging is all right, isn't it?''
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
This Happened in Nevada

Il was motoring through Nevada
this summer" said the young man be-
hind the tall glass, and strayed into
that land east Of the Owens river, CAL
ifornia, country.
II stopped a homesteader driving a
tank wagon into his place to ask
directions and fill the radiator.
How far do you haul that waterT
/ asked him.
"'About seven mile he said.
why not dig a well?'
"It's. closer this way he said.'
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
Bits Of Wit From The Count Of
Luxembourg at the Columbia Theater
The first act of the piece.

The first act of the piece.
artists
Rene to Brissard twho has been
able to hold up a shopkeeper on a
wine bilD. The neighborhood is CIV
Ang you credit for work of genius.
Brissard-I wish they would give
me credit for a square meal
Later, after describing to Brissard
beautiful woman whom he intends
10 give up everything for, and fol-
lowing, and is pressed for her name
by Brissard. he answers Fortune"
Fortune says Brissard. ~she
called on me one day andM was out"
Brissard Cooking at the trades
mems bills Just handed in by the
mail mani. says: Bills have one vir-
tue. We receive them regularly. the
first of every month, and they teach
US how much we owe, to others"
X
Juliette. the sweetheart of Brissard
hegs him to give up painting and be-
come a dentist again. You'll do that
if YOU want TO make me happy"
Bfissard-Now how can a dentist
make anybody happy?
x
The Grand Duke Rutzinoff sends his
three attendants to look into the au-
thenticity of Renes title. They re-
port favorably, stating that he is pen
niless.
Grand Duke-Good count. and in
debt One thing more, this Rene. is
he heart whole?
Attendant-Cupid has shot a hun
dred arrows at his heart. and hit
nothing but his pocketbook
x
The Grand Duke inquiries for the
whereabouts of Rene, whom he has
selected to marry Angelo. in order to
give her the title that it is necessary
for her to have in order to marry her
himself, says:
Where is the man who must marry
my wife, before l can become her
hsfshand2"
Attendant-Your highness means
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

And where" chuckled the Cor
poral. "Oh. where do you suppose
1 was yesterday afternoon"
Shoot" responded the Traffic
Cop. Il am unarmed but un-
afraid. Where. Mr.. Dockstadter.
oh, where were you yesterday
afternoon"
.At the Hotel St Francis"
Is that admission by way of a
boast or an apology? Tell me. is
the little red headed fellow with
the glasses still behind the Barr"
Il wasn't in the Bar ROOM
Have they moved the Barber
shop into the new building YETI"
They might have for all I
know. Haven't / told you dozen
times that since Mr. Gillette be-
came famous, l haven't spoken to
a barber?"
Well then to business, where
were you?"
Up in the ball room
Il knew something like this
would happen If they ever took
the muzzles off the dogs All
right, you were UP in the ball
TooHl-ulu you roe the morse up
stairs or sent him up in the eleva-
tor?''
Neither. / went up on foot
but, nevertheless, in an official
capacity"
What was it7 A swell set
swindle, or a riot?"
1T was neither OF those, but L
don't know just exactly what to
call it?''
What did the people who called
you call it?"
1t wasn't called, I was sent
The Chief is getting a few rag
ging statistics together. He had
me on the carpet yesterday and
told me that he understood they
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

IL you are particular about get
ting your linen on time.
For the life of me, I can't see
anything to recommend it. Now
the old five step polka had some-
thing to it,
Yes, and so did croquet. But
if Mclaughlin was nine times a
croquet champion he never would
have made San Francisco famous
in England and would still be
without his first loving cup"
And what's your point to all
this?"
Simply that the FIVE step polka
until people began to know bet
ter. Corporal, have you electric
lights in your house?"
II have and you know it."
And do you still prefer to go
to bed by candle?"
II do
And why do your
When I light anything, I want
to do 1t with match. and when
! put it out. / want to blow it
out. This thing of cropping along
a wall for a button is nonsense.
Why just the other night, when
one of the youngsters had the
nightmare. / got up and pushed
every button in the house, and
divil light Not only that but
as far as I could discover there
wasn't candle this side of the
wholesale district. You may
think that I'm old fashioned. but
you'll understand the way I feel
about things when / tell you that
the reason / had no light in my
house was because an engineer in
the Auxiliary Power house at the
Potrero dropped monkey wrench
on one Of the high powered wires.
Not for me. I'm for candles"
And croquet.'
Yes"
"And the five step polka
Exactly"
'And what has all this cackle
to do with raggingT'
IT'S the same thing to me. If
you have a candle and a match
there you are, and with q five
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
WHAT wALTZING
DID FOR EUROPE

And they were right. haven't
read much history. but I've gath
cred from what l have read, that
If it hadn't been for the waltz
the map of Europe would look
more like country and less, like
a crazy quilt. There's many a
hero who has led forlorn hope
because some women he never met
waltzed twice with the same man.
thinking the second one was an
encore. In the old days there
was almost a war to a waltz
Every time the Queen Bee got
her dances mixed a lot of men
said goodby at home and put the
bread In for the last time. but
nothing like that happens now
adays. II you are invited to a
rag dance. you select your own
acrobat and bring her with. you.
If any other man wants to dance
with her, you take. the usual ex-
ceptions as to stock holders, lia-
bility, pick out a contortionist for
yourself, and proceed to inf1ict
her with housemaids knee-pro-
vided, of course she didn't have
that to begin with"
What / can't understand is
how the women do all these GYM
aaRVsss and dress, as. they do.
How do you account for it?"
cI don't.ssWhy I've seen women
who .coui1nt pick up their own
! Handkerchief unless they. did a
little plain sewing Immediately
safterwards do. everything from a
high. dive to the hook slide and
never Inconvenience button.
There must be something about
their makeups that we're not in
on
oxxonder4"cT T i q
~whatgs 81 sfl1 10 sc-ys
..Ifstifs syncopatedIidsa extends
to wofnen's clothes7rros sfss
'ss.Wfat did you say syncopzted
meant, again ?''f
eMusicaliy. it means, where
something is missing"
II wonder
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

manager, tells this new yarn on him:
We were sitting in the lobby of
the Pfister in Milwaukee the night
before Bats last bout there. Bat and
his nifty clothes were the center of
interest. A crowd of conversational
lists gathered.
"A caulif1ower cared. scar faced,
straightfr from a-freight-ca individ-
ual waded through the crowd and
stuck out grimy paw toward Nell
son.
DON'T remember you.' Bat said.
sizing up the intruder.
What? Don't you know moi I'm
Kid Blanque. de fighter
"'You don't look like a fighter; you
look like you'd been fought.
With which Nelson terminated TIA
conversation"
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
Bg@@gMM6B1@9 d1the Traffic @p

ers are professionals-they're not
paid to drop anything"
''All can say is that's an aw-
full knock at Raging. I'm not
for any game where the worse
you get the better you do it,
"A lot of the high brows are
against it-from a moral stand
point-are you voting that ticket,
too?'
No. 1 can't see anything. i'm
moral about 1t. They all seem to
be too busy ignoring their part
ners. I've never seen the book
of rules, but I'll bet rule one is
Look unconcerned-pay no at
tention to anybody--yourself in
cluded. I really believe that if
home wrecking idea struck Its
head at a rag dance. 1t would
break It's neck trying to find
some place to get hearing.
Those who condemn Raging on
that score have never tried it.
It's all well enough to be a devil
when the odds are in your favor,
but when your breath leaves the
room and doesn't take you with
it. you're in big luck If. you last
the round out. / don't see where
you can do much damage If the
rules of the game only allow you
to come up for air often enough
to pick out another partner and
go under again"
''Still there are lot Of people
against it,
AS a dance or as an exercise?"
"As a dance. Il heard some
women at the house the other
night saying. IL didn't compare
to a waltz
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

You bet: and it's great gun. mill
tary sporting, high power, fiat ira
jectory. etc, etc.
Il tried it out shooting at bum
blebee lowering over knothole,
and
You don't mean to say you hit
him.
"Hit himI Say. I sure did.
knocked a hole in him big as my
fist"
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
Too Much Politics

A well groomed man entered a
Montgomery street brokerage office
and applied for position.
Where were you employed last?"
the broker asked.
Tn Chicago
How long did you work there?"
Three months
why did you 1eave?"
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
We Reckon Frohman Got Him

An actor whose salary even in last
seasons riotous infia tion never ex-
ceeded the 5000 mark was sought by
Morosco for guaranteed run of IS
weeks in the new play the manager is
to put on at Los Angeles. The come
dian. asked to state the salary he
wanted.
Five hundred dollars, with fares
both WAYS and you to paw for
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

dresser" was the modest reply.
Askin did not seek further COM
munication with the actor, who. on
Thursday. wired again. saying:
Why did you want to know my
salary? Rush reply, as Frohman
wants me badly"
This was LAskin's reply:
Go with Frohman. I don't want
you. ] asked for statistical reasons"
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

Well. the boss and l had a dis
agreement over a matter of national
political Importance and 1 left
lust as a matter of curiosity
finally said the broker, would you
mind telling me what political mat
ter OF national importance it was
you disagreed upon with all your
former employers?"
prohibition" was the answer.
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
Bats Retort Courteous

n A t T l. l NG
b NELSON. as
h i s S a n
F r a n C | s c o
friends k n o W.
has many of the
marks of the
ring on him. In
fact, he rather
looks like a bit
of h a m m cred
brass, with the
loving marks
of the hammer"
$ h o w / n g. but
Jack" Robin
son. his n 9 w
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
Or Caught Them.

Her fairy face, complexion fine,
Her golden hair and form divine,
Set forth in many gorgeous line.
Seemed as if sculptor'd wrought them.
Angelic face and beauteous eyes,
Alluring ways and tempting sighs-
And then cynic, worldly wise.
Said. "Wonder where she bought them?"
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
NO THUMB PRINT
OF THE DANSANT

OF THE DANsANT A
Now get II this time or we'll
drop the subject-they were CIV
ing a The Dansant-'
And that means?''
81 m not positive, but the house
5 Detective seemed to be under the
: impression that Ii meant a tea
Z dance I tried to find out some
7. thing about IL at headquarters
8 but we haven't photograph or
thumb. print that could throw
bit of light on 1t. So until some
enc gives me the recall flag on
what the house Detective told me
it was. it's tea dance"
Whats the fdea?s
From what could gather. they
set aside certain afternoons
they put you back a dollar at the
gate and from four to seven you
sip and slip until you either get
black and blue or full of tea"
What kind of a report did you
make headquarters ?"
''It wasn't "a loud as report.
/ simply sto1d It}fel Chief that II
there was anything wrong with
that game he ought to suppress
mumbley-peg and make beanbag
a States prison offense. Why, IL
that's all those people have to do.
they should be made to do it,
Were there any OF our fancy
raggers among those present."
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

were having q
The Dansant"
and for me to
go up and give
1t the once
over and re-
port. And that
is how l hap
pened to be
nicking t h e
maple with my
spurs.
wv hat did
you say they
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

NC 0J ANoF0SO0s
so before you
r u / n yourself
s o c i a lly you
might just as
we'll make up
your mind that
syncopation in
m u 8 ic a n d
dancing Is the
last word.
Il hope they
confne it to
those two in
In d U 3 stri e 8.
/ m q & n . a
hv1ok 1ovov
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
Wholesale Wooinq Works Woefully.
By Lee w. Nelson

with Elaine held her hand and called her Mine
Monday he proposed Mary and she told him I'll be thine;
da held his tenion Tuesday while he called her Smoky Oo
Wednesday Fda listened his ovelorn
Thursday with Dolores he a nickel show,
In her these words he whispered Honey let be beau
To dear Mildred Friday he made love with all his might
called Belinda the weeks last night
Then Sunday he commenced the circuit
his daily schedule forth Elaine
He there late and found that like bird Elaine had flown
Hastily she had been married and quickly left the
hied him Mary that Elaine had been roped
But he found that Mary likewise with had eloped
called Hda whom he had called Smoky Co.
Blu foundt hadw welded had left the
D1ores, Mildred and Belinda all had left him in the lurch
Welded had they been Others, left him waiting the church
ponder he wonders the fate that he had
VIII he hasn't married, why he is bachelor
bachelor clubs confines while the smoke around him curl
would conquered had he courted girl
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

dropping every third brick Fts
funny what people will stand for
in one thing and won't in an
other. It must be lad. It can't
last. Just how long do you think
you'd pay nifty cents Sunday to
root for the home team II they
had syncopated left fielder?'.
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25
The Censiderate Bumble
Bee Of th e McCIoud
SAN FRAN

A CISCO sports
: = man admits
he is a good shot,
as evidenced by
this bit of con-
versation fr o m
the f1reside at the
Family club.
II tried out that
new rifle last
week on a bear
hunting trip up
into the McCloud
river country
"yesoo
The San Francisco call., 1913-10-25

S1onal a afhlete
C a n handle
that kind of
work"
Il see. but
Corporal. you
take my tip,
don't ever give
your wife her
choice betwe cen
Raging in the
evening a n d
the wash tub
d u r i n & the
dav That iC