Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-09-02
On the Spur Of
the Moment

BY ROY MoULToN.
THE DIARY OF a BONEHEAD

THE DIARY OF A BONEHEAD
1T is so cool down at my cottage at
the resort that have TO sleep nnd8
three blankets every night and We
never keep ice at all We just set
the milk and the beer out on the back
porch and il keeps perfectly cold. n
fact the beer gets too cold. It
freezes"
II was an ancient gag that Jones
sprung on me yesterday and ] had
fallen for 1t before, so hard that any
body but chump would have known
better than TO try il again. However.
1 accepted Jones's invitation. It was
blistering hot in town and even i
Jones were only 10 per cent. truthful
his place had town skinned long
statute mile.
We arrived at the resort at o'clock
in the afternoon when the rocking
chair dowagers had been driven to
the Easements of their houses for a
breath of air II was SO cool at the
resort that the children we're frying
eggs on the cement sidewalks just as
q pastime.
It was SO cool that a cigarette Jones
held in his mouth while he fumbled
around for the key to his cottage
| lighted itself.
1t was so cool at that resort that a
box of safety matches from SWedfn
caught fire in the pocket of my out
ing flannel coat and I had TO go and
jump in the lake to extinguish the
flames.
l shall never forget that night.
never saw the three blankets that
Jones claimed to have slept under. !
don't believe there were ever three
blankets in the whole resort
Jones gave me room up under the
roof which had caught the full glare
OF the sun all day.
It's little warm up here tonight.
| he apologized. II can't understand
it It never happened before.
so far as l am concerned re-
piled with a feeble effort at repartee,
.'it will never happen again.
| The longer / stayed in that bed
room the hotter it got It was just
as comfortable as the interior Of a
gas oven when the hired girl is DO
ing her weekly baking
After spending one hour in that
/ room. the future punishment had no
terrors for me.
At / o'clock in the morning, clad
| in a pair of blue silk pajaInas and a
forlorn but hopeful smile. / ran and
| Jumped into the lake There / found
Jones, sitting in the water up to his
neck and smoking his pipe.
Conversation from then on until
daylight was SO difficult that II nnal-
ly died out entirely and at s o'clock
I went and caught the milk train for
| the hot, stuffy city. which seemed
like the refrigerating plant of
| brewery after ] reached 1t from
Jones's pet resort.
All through that horrible, breath
| less, scorching night at this ''beauti-
! full cool resort, swept by constant
! lake breezes." | had been thinking
| of my own comfortable out-of-door
sleeping porch in town and the uu
| merous devices I had in the way OF
| electric fans. etc. which were used
for the purpose of keeping cool
The first thing / did upon arriving
| in town was to purchase three
blankets and send them to Jones'
As liar Jones should be 100 per
| cent. efficient, If I could make him so.
/ hate a poor liar and a poor resort
liar Is, in my estimation. the lowest
form of animal life. II / ever go
to a resort in hot weather again It
will be because a rich uncle had died
there and my presence is requested
to hear the will read.
90
SIGNS OF THE TIMES
4 They may all be original Wilson
men. but some of them show very it,
tie originality.
The fashionable trousers this season
are like a packed theatres. R. Q.