davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

Who would have thought that the
gentle Perkins, who induced Silas Boggs
TO place a five-line ad in a bunch OF
back-county weeklies, would ever thrill
the nation with the news that
Perkins Patent Porous Plaster
Makes all pains and aches fly faster.
and keep up the thrill until the Perkins
plaster was, so to speak, in every mouth!
And yet these two men were the same.
Plain Perkins, who urged and begged
and prayed Silas Boggs to let go OF a
few dollars, and Perkins the Great, the
Originator-Perkins of Portland, who
originated the Soap Dust Triplets, the
Smile that Lasts for Aye, ought-to-
hayya Biscuit-who in short is the
father, mother, and grandparent OF
modern advertising. are the selfsame
Perkinses. From such small beginnings
can the worlds great men spring.
In the days before the kodak had a
button to press while they do the rest
even before Royal Baking Powder was
quite so pure as "absoluteiy"-it was
then about 80 99-l00 pure, like Ivory
Soap-in those days, I say, long before
Soapine did it, 10 the whale, Mr.. Stlas
Boggs awoke one morning and walked
out TO his woodshed in a pair Of carpet
slippers. His face bore an expression
Of mingled hope and doubt; for he was
expecting what the novelists call an in
teresting event-in fact, a birth-and
quite as much in fact, a number OF
births-anywhere from five to dozen.
Nor was Silas Boggs a Mormon He was
merely the owner of few raVenous
guinea pigs. II is well known that in
the matter of progeny the guinea pig
Surpasses the famous Soap Dust. al
though that has as We all know, triplets
on every billboard
Mr. SiIas Boggs was not disappointed
Several OF his spotted pets had done their
best to discontenance race suicide; and
Silas, having put clean water and straw
and crisp lettuce leaves in the pens.
began 10 examine the markings of the
for he was an enthusiast on
the subject of guinea pigs. He loved
guinea pigs as some connoisseurs love
old paintings. He was fonder of nicely
marked guinea pig than dilettante is
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

cants are urgently requested to ask only
for those bulletins in which they are
particularly interested. The department
cannot undertake to supply complete
sets, nor may the applicant ask for more
than one copy of any publication for her
self.
In applying for these publications, first
SEND for the list and then indicate from
this the name OF the series and serial
number Of the bulletins or circulars that
are desired
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02
Women Warriors.
From Tit-Bita.

From TtBits.
The German Emperor delights to sur
round himself at the grand parades with
four "Colonelles." These noble warriors
are the Empress, his daughter the Prin-
cess Victoria Luise, the Princess of
Schaumberg-Lippe, and the Grand Ouch
ess of Hesse-Darmstadt- Accompanied
by these four Amazons, the Emperor
passes before the regiment, and the
crowd gives voice to its admiration.
The "Colonelles" are, in fact superb
attractions in their striking uniforms.
The Princess Sophia OF Prussia, sister of
the Emperor and wife Of King Constan-
tine, Of Greece, shares the military taste
of her sister-.n-law. the Empress, and
has retained her title of coloneIIe of the
Grenadier Regiment OF the Prussian
Guard.
The Empress OF Russia. born Princess
Alix, of Hesse, Is chief OF the regiment
of Uhlans and of the dragon regiment
of the Prussian Guard; Princess Marie
Of Roumania, is -Colonelle'' of the Roch-
lori regiment and the Queen Mother,
Marguerite, of Italy, does not conceal
her pride that she is chief Of q battalion
or Prussian chasseurA
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02
DAN CRAWFORD LAUGHS At GOTHAM

are in the throes Of economic indiges-
ton.
The old definition of speed hits of
the whole situation. For what is speed
but a means by which you miss as much
! as possible between the point Of depart
ure and the point of arrival"
"Oh, New York"'-and Mr.. Crawford
spreads out his arms to include Brook
Iyn and the Bronx-"Oh. New York! re-
believeth shall not make haste. It's a
pity It proves you all a bad lot"
What can We do about it?' you
query.
"Do?" And he jumps to his feet you
must realize the glory Of doing without.
The glory of doing without! That is, that
must be, the subtitle of the book which
now have in preparation-the glory OF
doing without
Thousand Miles from Store.
TRY to get my point of view. Prac-
tically all my life 1 have been cut on
from all manner of things called supply.
The nearest store was 1000 miles away.
And have had a good time.
But the other day-some months ago
when was coming across Central At
rica, reaching just the edge of the civil
ization that had not seen these twenty
two years-I saw my first shop. 1 am
fascinated as by a basilisk. 1 stand all
eyes at the window, and gradually the
money melts from out my pocket.
And then suddenly the realization.
The best thing know that hits on the
sensation is that story Of dear old DR..
johnson on oxford Street The ponder
Gus old fellow was starting down that
famous London street The faithful poo
die, Boswell, was in attendance. Down
they went, eyes rivited on all the shop
windows. He sized up everything, dis
daining to enter even one Of the silly
shops. =
When it was all over, the silent old
Sphinx remarked to the attentive poo
die, with a classic grunt and growl:
Sir, I have discovered the many things
we do not need
Take boots. We think them indis-
pensable to life itself. Boots are the
essence Of life. And when David Liv-
ingstone went down into the Bantu land
they looked at his boots and they dubbed
him .Antinefikondo.' 1t means without
toes
Then, when you come to have a man
carry you across an acrobatic bridge, a
bridge made of human bodies, without
a tremor, you realize that in his ten toes
Is Lne grip ludI Keeps ulm SIeeoys rOT
you that grip Of the ten toes is lost for
ever.
sunstrokc from Wearing Hats.
Take all these things-take hats. The
missionary brings the hat into Central
Africa The negro wears hats soon.
What happens? Sunstroke.
so / ramble on. / could talk for
twenty years and not tell you half All
your progress, your funny, blessed, silly
progress, what is it, after alI7 Wherever
you take step forward, you take appa-
rently a step back.
But only apparently, of course 1 am
ali out of touch, in a way, but realize
where you are tending and l have high
hopes for you, the American people. Un.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

law. To follow his advice means sue
cess; TO neglect II means failure. He Is
infalIible. But in those days, when his
star was but rising above the horizon,
he was not. as he is now, considered
the master and leader of US all-the king
Of the advertising world-mighty giant OF
advertising genius among the dwarfs
Of imitation. So Silas Boggs refused
his advice.
The next month the advertisement OF
the silas Boggs Lop-eared Guinea Pigs
began to appear in the weekly news
papers of the West. The advertisement,
although small, was well worded' for
Perkins wrote IT himself. 1t was gem
of advertising writing. 1t began with a
small cut OF q guinea pig, which un-
fortunately appeared as a black blot in
many OF the papers; but this, perhaps,
lent an air Of mystery to the cut that
it would not otherwise have had. The
text was as follows:
The Celebrated Lop-eared Andalusian
Guinea Pigs!!! Hardy and prolific! One
OF natures wonders! Makes a gentle
and affectionate pet. For young or old
YOU CAN MAKE MONEY by raising
and selling Lop-eared Andalusian Guinea
Pigs One pair starts you in business.
Send money order for SO to Silas Boggs,
5sss Cottage Grove Avenue. Chicago, Ill,
and receive healthy pair, neatly boxed,
by express"
To Silas Boggs the West had thereto
fore been a vague, colorless expanse
somewhere beyond the west side of Chi
cago. Three days after his advertise
ments began to appear he awoke to the
fact that the West is vast and mighty
empire, teeming with millions of souls.
And to Silas Boggs II seemed that those
souls had been sleeping for ages, only
to be called to life by the lop-eared
Andalusian guinea pig. The lop-eared
Andalusian guinea pig was the one touch
that made the whole West kin. Mail
came to him by tubfuls and basket
fuls. People who despised and reviled
the common guinea pig were impatient
and restless because they had lived so
long without the sweet companionship of
the lop-eared Andalusian- From Upton,
Iowa, and Vida, Ka~s., and Chenawee,
Oak. and Orangebloom, Cal, came
eager demands for the hardy and pro-
life lop-ear. Ministers OF the gospel and
babes in arms insisted on having the
gentle and affectionate Andalusian lop-
cared guinea pigs. The whole West
arose in its might and sent money Or
ders to Silas Boggs. And Silas Boggs
and smiled. He piled the blue money
orders up in stacks beside him and
smiled. Silas Boggs was one large.
happy smile for one large, happy week.
Then he frowned a little.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

n EFORE my friend Perkins became famous throughout the ad
vesing wodand what part of the world does not adver-
isehe time soliciting agent for company that
controlled the patent nsdes of thousand small Western
newspapers Later my friend Perkins startled America by his
nowned advertising campaign for Pra hats and instead of being
plain Mr. Perkins of Chicago he bossomed into Perkins OF Portland
Still later when he put Perkins Patent Porous Plaster the mar
great became Perkins the Great in fact and
advertisers agents. publishers the world general bow down
and worship him. But love at times from the blaze of his
glory those faro days when he still struggling
teur lust as we like to read Napoeons early history tracing
small beginnings of their lives the little rvuets of genius that later
overwhelmed the world and caused the universe to pause in sp
faction.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

you are" remarked Silas Boggs.
And / believe the guinea pigs usually
marry young. do they not?' asked Per-
kins.
They do" admitted Siias Boggs
Il think, IL / am not mistaken" said
Perkins. that you have told me they
have large and frequent families. Is 1t
so?"
Undoubtedly" agreed Silas Boggs.
And you have stated" said Perkins,
that those families marry young and
have largo and frequent families that
also marry young and have large and
frequent families, have you not?''
81 have! I have!" exclaimed Silas
Boggs, beginning TO warm up.
Then" said Perkins, ''in a year you
ought to have many. many lop-eared
guinea pigs. Is that correct?"
Il ought to have thousands" cried
Silas Boggs, In ecstacy.
What is a pair of common guinea
pigs WORTH" asked Perkins.
"one dollar" said SiIas Boggs. "a
lop-eared pair ought to be worth s.
essily."
Two dollars" cried Perkins. Two
fiddlesticks! Five dollars, you mean!
Why, man, you have a corner in lop-
ears. You have all there are. Shake
handsi"
The two men shook hands solemnly.
Mr.. Perkins was hopefully solemn. Mr..
Boggs was amazedly solemn.
ct shake your hand" said Perkins,
because I congratulate you on your
fortune. You will soon be a wealthy
man." He paused and then added, IF
you advertise judiciously."
There were real tears in the eyes of
Silas Boggs. as he laid his arm affec-
tionately across Perkins shoulders.
Perkins" he said, II can never repay
you. I can never even thank you. /
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02
CHAPTER VII.

The Dennison house was beautiful
place, and Mrs. Dennison was as charm
ing a hostess as her husband was a hos
pitable host, and Miriam Dennison was a
dainty and vivacious girl Indeed. Ames
thought, as he sat across the table from
her, he had never seen one more beauti-
full; and he had looked INTO the eyes Of
many beautiful women. He had remained
a month in this town to gain the privilege
of meeting Miriam Dennison on frank
terms, to gain the privileges OF looking
frankly and freely into the depths OF her
eyes, and possibly to read there the end
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

can make II tonight. however" He had
been out to the Dennison house to din
ner twice In the last three weeks, and
the amusement rather bored him
I'm sorry" regretted Dennison. MY
daughter, Miriam. is coming home today
and I'd like to have you meet her"
II think I can make IT," John hastily
remarked ~
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02
The Adventure of Mr. Slas Boggs !! By ! Parker = Butler @
AUTHOR OF "PIGS is PIGS

all over. The Duchess, in keeping with
her name, evinced desire to avoid COM
mon society, and sulked in one corner of
her cage They were a pair of very ef-
fete aristocrats. Silas Boggs gave them
catnip tea and bran mash, or other
sterling remedies; but the far-famed
lop-eared Andalusians pIned away. And,
as Silas Boggs sat disconsolately by
their side. he could hear the mail men
relentlessly dumping more and more let
tiers on the parlOr floor. The West was
just beginning to realize the desirability
Of having lop-eared guinea pigs at the
moment when lop-eared guinea pigs
were on the point OF becoming as ex-
tinct as the dodo and mastodon. In a
day or two they became totally extinct.
and the lop-eared Andalusian guinea pig
existed no more. Silas Boggs wept
But his tears did not wash away the
constantly increasing heaps of 'orders.
He ordered Perkins to withdraw his
advertisement, but still the orders con-
tinued to come, and SiIas Boggs. as
sisted by a corps OF young. but indus
trious, ladies, began returning to the
eager West the beautiful blue money
orders; and If anything sends a pane
through a mans breast, II is to be
obliged to return a money order un-
cashed-
By the end of the month the incoming
orders had dwindIed to a few thousand
daily-about as many as Silas Boggs and
his assistants could return By the end
OF the next month they had begun to
make noticeable inroads in the accumu-
lated piles Of orders; and in two months
more the floor was clear and the arriv-
ing orders had fallen to a mere dribble OF
ten or twelve a day. but the hair of
Silas Boggs had turned gray and his
face was old and wan
Silas Boggs gave away all his guinea
pigs-the sight OF them brought on
something like a fit He could not even
bear to see a lettuce leaf or cabbage
head He will walk three blocks to
avoid passing an animal store, for fear
he might see a guinea pig In the win
dow. Only few days ago I was prais-
ing a certain man to him and happened
to quote the line from Burns:
Rank Is but the guiDea's stamp"
but when I came to the word guinea
I saw Silas Boggs turn pale and pui
his hand to his forehead
But he cannot escape the results OF
his injudicious advertising, even at this
day, so many years after. From time
to time some one in the West will un-
pack a trunk that has stood for years
in some garnet and, espyfng a faded
newspaper laid in the bottom OF the
trunk, will glance at 1t curiously, see
the advertisement OF the lop-eared An
dalusian guinea pigs and send Silas
Boggs SO. For an advertisement, like
sin, does not end with one day, but goes
on and on, down the mighty corridors OF
time, and. like the halIboy in hotel
awakes the sleeping and calls them to
catch a train that sometimes has long
since gone, just as the lop-eared An
dalusians have gone.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02
STOCKS GAME PRESERVES.
Moors DePopuInted, Kaiser Buys
Stays for Royal Shooting.

"ooES DGpopuAatEus AN Ns
Stays for Royal Shooting.
Special Cable to The Washington Herald.
Berlin, Oct 2e.-During his recent shoot
ing holiday at the Castle Of Rominten'
in East Prussia, the Kaiser noticed that
the number of available stays had be-
come extremely small, owing to the ex-
tensive shooting in recent years
On his return to Potsdam the other
day he sent for Herr Heinrich Hagen
beck, son and successor Of the famous
director of the Hamburg Zoo, and con-
suited him on the measures necessary to
repopulate the Rominten moors with
stays for the royal sport
Herr Hagenbeck brought to Potsdam
a number of splendid kinds and stays of
different breeds, and after two hours
consultation. the Kaiser chose the eau
casus deer as the most suitable, and
placed a large order with Herr Hagen
beck for these animals.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02
BULLETINS FOR
farmers WIVES
Free Pamphlets Issued by the
Department of Agri-
culture.
MANY TOPICS COVERED
viii Be Sent on Application to the
Editor and Chief Of Division
of Publications.

! Following its policy to aid farmers
wives. the Department of Agriculture
recently has issued list Of free publi-
cations which apply particularly to wom-
ems work. This list is furnished free
on application to the editor and chief
of the Division of Publications, United
States Department of Agriculture. WASH
ington, d. c., as are the bulletins which
| it describes.
The bulletins are divided into more
than 100 special classes, there being
sometimes as many as a dozen pamphlets
for a subject
There is one class OF bulletins dealing
with dairying, while others specially con-
Germ butter, cheese, cream, and milk.
One Set Deals with Bees.
There is a set of bulletins dealing with
bees; q set dealing with birds, another
set dealing with such household insects
as the ant and the flea Guinea pigs,
rabbits, and rats also have bulletins de-
voted to them, and particular attention
is given to poultry.
Farm conTeniences in general have one
set OF bulletins to describe them, and
farmers Institutes another. Hints On
how to prepare foods cover a wide range
Of subjects. including apples, banana
-four, bread, cereal breakfast foods,
clans, coffee substitutes, and corn.
There are twelve bulletins devoted to
canning and preserving; while the fire.
less cooker is the subject of a separate
bulletin.
Fruits and flowers each receive their
merited share of attention Annual
Towering plants, directions for making
window gardens, china asters, garden
sweet peas. peonies, and rose slugs. are
subjects treated in the Horticulture set.
while the burberry, grape, melons, the
mulberry, the raspberry, the roselle, and
the strawberry make up the fruit culture
set Of publications Vegetable culture in
cludes bulletins on asparagus, celery, Gu
cumber, mushrooms, okra, rhubard, and
tomato.
Clubs Are Diseussed.
The housewife who wishes TO know
about helpful organizations for boys and
girls. such as the corn. poultry, and can
ming clubs. may learn about them by
sending for the list OF pamphlets includ-
ed under tho heading Agricultural
Clubs"
Because Of the limited supply, appli-
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02
"'Utterly, Crafty, Silly
Mad!" He Cries When He
Reaches New York After
twenty-five Years in the
LONG Grass Of Central
Africa" =

Mad, mad, utterly, crafty, silly mad.
I look at you, little old Gotham. and ]
laugh and laugh and laugh
This is the way that New York ap-
pears to a man who has for these twen-
ty-two years been absent from what we
choose to call civilization, says the New
York Times. Twenty-three years ago
Dan Crawford, T. r. G. s., idealist, mis-
sionary, writer, and whatnot, was COM
Inissioned by the London Missionary So
ciety for service in those regions of
Africa opened up by the explorations of
David Livingstone. Twenty-Five Years
without a Break in the Long Grass of
Central Africa runs the subtitle of his
book, Thinking Black" which is the
record of those years in Lubaland.
For twenty-five years i have been
without a collar. For twenty-five years
/ have been eating without knife and
fork. For twenty-five years 1 have been
a thousand miles from a SHOP" he says.
Now ! come back and I have to
laugh and laugh again, and yet some
more, at this thing we call civilization.
You can imagine my mental jolt on
ton. Where am I? Have I struck the
planet Mars?
'1 look ahead a year-a handful of
years. 1 see your buildings getting high
er and higher. 1 see your prison walls
getting bigger and bigger. By and by
only a ribbon of blue by way of Gods
blue sky.
The great damning factor Of your city
the dark, damning factor-wait a bit,
wait a bit" and he whirls away from
the window where he has been gazing
at the noisy stream of traffic below.
Dark, damning fact-I can't help the
ALTERATION. Do you realize what it
means to think back for twenty-five
years? Every word utter must first
translate Every word has become-shaIl
1 say, bIackened, hoping that you get
my meaning?
Language Is Picturesque.
Indeed print can hardly do justice to
Mr.. Crawford's picturesque explosions.
He hurls forth six vivid words New
sentence he announces by way Of Pc
riod.
THAT dark, damning blot? Others
have said It. others have seen it. It
bears itself down upon me until 1t be-
comes fairly oppressive. 1t is the obvi-
Gus fact that you arc going too quick.
You are cursed with the delirium Of
speed And a speed along the paths Of
the most vile materialism.
Now, what does this involve? 1t
means that if you bolt your food-most
impolitely-bolt your food, you'll disor-
ganize Gastronomic functions. Nation
ally you are bolting terrifically. and you
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

A French invention Of phonograph rec
ords on a prepared cloth. which may be
mailed like letter. threatens to serious
ly rival stenographerk
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

A Pennsylvania Woodworking plant Is
using the largest drill ever built to bore
through six feet of boards at single
operation.
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

will advertise. I'll go right into the
mouse and write out an order for space
in every paper you represent How many
papers do you represent, Perkins?''
Perkins coughed.
Perhaps" he said. gently, I'VE had
better begin small. Perhaps We had bet
ter begin with a hundred or so. There
is no use OVERRIDING it / have over a
thousand papers on my list; and IL the
lop-eared brand of guinea pig shouldn't
be as fond of large families as the COM
mon guinea pig is-if it should turn out
to be a sort OF fashionable American
family kind of guinea pig, you know
you might have trouble filling orders"
But Silas Boggs- was too enthusiastic
to listen to calm advice. He waved his
arms wildly above his head.
moi no!'' he shouted. 'Ail, or none,
Perkins. No half measures with Silas
Boggsl No skimpingi Give me the whole
thousand / know what advertising is
I've had experience. Didn't 1 advertise
for a position as vice president Of a
bank last year-and how many replies
did / get? Not oneI Not one! Not one,
Perkins! know. you agents are always
too sanguine. But don't ask the i'm
possible I'm easily satisfied II I sell
one pair for each OF the thousand
papers I'll be satisfied, and I'll consider
myself lucky. And as for the lop-eared
guinea pigs-you furnish the papers and
the guinea pigs will do the rest!'
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

For all was not well with the Iop-
cared Andalusian guinea pigs. They
were not as hardy as he had guaranteed
them to be. They seemed to have the
pip, or glanders, or boll-weevil, or some
thing unpleasant. The Duke was not
only Iop-eared, but seemed TO feel loppy
The Washington herald., 1913-11-02

Thus. in the face of Perkins good ad-
vice, Silas Boggs inserted a small ad-
vertisement in the entire list OF 100
country weeklies, and paid cash in ad-
vance. To those who know Perkins the
Great today. such folly as going contrary
to his advice in advertising matters
would be unthought of. His word Is
The Yale expositor., 1913-03-13
ERUPTION LIKE PiMPLES

Wathena, Ken-"My child's scalE
trouble became so bad thai ! was
ashamed to hs4Me anyone see him. His
head had a solid scab on it. He also
had a terrible breaking out or his face
which WAS graduallxs growing worse
The eruption 'GAs ike pinples which
Geyelopedr1nto sores when he scratch
ed, which he did almost constantly
a1apy would almost scratch Eimssl;
rav& =.
Il had used several different kinds
nj salve, none of them helping IN the
vsItisement in the paper and 1t made
sas Ghink Of the good results my sister
hah when she used 1t for her chil6ren.
I rild only used Clticura Soap AGG
Ointment about two weeks before 7
not'red that the sores were almoss @Sc-
t,rFly gone, and it must have been 6.
moth or six weeks he was troubled.
before / began the treatment. E7a
would get easy when | would put The
Cuticura Ointment on him. Cuticprs.
Soap and Ointment completely cured
him and he has clear complexjSa
now" tSigned) Mrs. ". II. Hughes,
Dec. 81, 1911.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment SOLD
throughout the world. Sample of each
free, with 32-p. Skin Book. Address
postcard "Cu:icura, Dept L. Boston"
Adv.