New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1913-07-12
AS | WAS SAYING

A converted publisher, who reformed seVera'
years ago and is leading a blameless me- iid'
been telling on his former associates They eihp'oS
sorcerers il appears-seventh sons Of seventh sons
or Weird Sisters skilled in soothsaying WohurouS
persons these They can tell novels fortune with
out examining il. Hence their name-'readers.
If a novel arrives from weary old-staser 'ie'
crv instantly "Whoop-la, A winner! We can rec
omnlend this without rslng our jobs IL an u"-
known submits novel they say to one another
Beware brethren Take chances. In case oil d
Gzzle what will become Of you and me-?
This is called searching for the new man; ara
isn't IT strange the way he lodges and skulks ana
refuses to be caught? Perhaps we assist i'm the
hunt by showing the man how passionatey IN
earnest the publishers Thus
Publisher: You shall not bring out novel until
YOU have an established reputation
New Man: How l get an established repu-
tation?"
Publisher: "Ony by bringing out several novels.
Embodened by his victory at Marquette. the
Colonel has resolved to go right in among the
snakes and will face them without tremor during
his visit TO the Hopis. But guess he VIII nave
more fun than that. For while the Hopi lnulaIs
are Justly celebrated for snake dancing. it Is the
least Of their gifts-indeed, mere nothing Deside
their faculty for snug and genial argument.
Not long ago lady who dropped in on them sa"
two-year-old Hopi toddling at large In the chill OF
the morning. without stitch to his htte Drown
back. Snatchng him up she ran TO MS mother.
This is frightfil' she said. your poor child VIII
freeze.
The sauaw grinned Your face cod?"
why no of course not" said the lady.
The grin broadened "Pappoose plenty warm. He
all face"
We are an Industrious people, and gain modest
livelihood by attending anothers moving plct-
ure shows. But have not arrived at this happy
state without breaking many heart The playing
card mans for instance. Just hear his tearfui
wall: Nobody any longer cares to gamble!
His is a sad sad case, for surgery has made great
advances Of late and already the other broken
hearts have been neatly repaired. The villain VINO
still pursued her" and the prosecuted heroine VINO
lisped 50 touchngly II innocent! have
emerged from the ruins OF melodrama and found
refuge in the moving picture mill And even the
downfall OF Dime Museums has failed to Stay the
Tattooed Man.
In fact the Tattooed Man is better of than before
When he turned upon those gorgeous Illustrations
and angrly removed them from his dermis cursing
them as they went he acquired a and lucrative
profession See him now, As an un-tattoost he
enjoys a practice that be heard three blocks
away
For there are young gentlemen rash that they
enlist in the navy, although adorned with pictures
tasteful for jackes. Next morning, when the
crew lines up for cat nine tails drill the censor
comes down on all such unseemly masterpieces and
orders then erased. So tho retired Dime Museum
wonder makes money hand fist and carols as
OF yore:
1T is perfectly true
You can beat a tattoo.
But you can't beat a Tattooed Man"
We are surprised that many men Of fashion
should be writing 10 editors asking for device
TO remove the shine from the jacket OF yesteryear
DO not remove It. Keep it. Then, when you wonder
how you look. you can simply turn around. Every
citizen his own mirror
desperate young cherub is Life" Spares no
one, not even himself Among his reprints from
antiquity We find this inspired selection AN ounce
Of a mans wit is worth ton OF other peo-
PIES"
Tall girl, short man-old scare revived Girl get
ting so tall that she will be unable to buckle
her own belt without climbing ladder. Man get
ting short that whenever he combs his hair he is
Obliged to 60 down cellar to reach II.
We can account for the short Adaptation
to environment As builders insist on making
twenty stories grow where ten were before and
without disturbing the roof, ceilings and floors are
brought close together. and only short men can do
business. But the taness Of the tall girl Is harder
to understand and much more alarming Any min
ute it may break out literally II. l.. ii. ,