Arizona republican., 1913-02-02
At Least This is What is Suggested in Mock In- auguration and Portfolio Distribution of Gridiron Club
NOTABIES FIGURE
 IN BIG FROLIC
Policy of Next Administra- tion is Defined as Being "Bust Trusts Cant Trust, Trust Trusts Cant Bust'
ASSOCIATED PRESS pIsPArcHI

WASHINGTON, D. C., Feb. l. l Wilson. Taft. Roosevelt. Bryan, Rip Van Wrinkle and other notables were portrayed to the Gridiron club and were guests tonight at the annual winter dinner when men of national size sat at the banquet board and saw themselves frolicing about to their own amusement. Dinner took ] from one graceful tribute, Taft; an- other to Wilson.
 The club began by having the in auguration of it's own president, Rob- ert Kaufman, of the Washington Evening Star. His inauguration pro- cession, which marched into the ban quet hall to the blare of a band, con- sisted of a detachment of the New ] Jersey National Guard, the club of Princeton professors, a contingent of southern colonels hurrahing for the
 solid south" places for veterans, etc. | the "Wanta Eata Pie" fraternity of 1 college boys, Tammany's phalanx, the "In Bad club" including George ] w. Harvey, Henry Watterson, August Belmont and Thomas F. Ryan, and l finally a squad of suffragettes. shriek- 1 ing votes for women" 1 When the din partially subsided it was announced in behalf of President | Kauffmann that he did not think much
 of the parade, as something seemed l missing. - | Where" he asked 'tis Champ Clark's houn' dawg club" | Tt went broke at Baltimore" was | the explanation.
 l "Where's the Underwood protection
 phaianx?"
 Tt was pulled off the train by Bill Bryan, who slapped on steel shackles," l was the answer while the Harmon l COhio) Buckeyes were being enter | tained at French Lick Springs at Tom Taggart's expense.
 | Such as it was, the new president was obliged to be content with the | inauguration and eyed the sacred em- bem of office, a golden gridiron, and with the statement that this being an era of economy and reform. he could
 be allowed neither salary nor travelling expenses.
 Hardly had the guests turned again | to the terrapin when entrance was de- manded and achieved by the Sigma Pi lFi Sigma fraternity of the Yale law l school, which insisted on initiating two members into the club. The dinner was suspended for the ceremony. The
 neophytes were MT William of Cin- cinnati' and MT. Theodore of Oyster | Bay" to be known in that order re- spectively as Brother BilP' and | Brother Teddy.
 The discord of the band was eX- lplained by the inability of the Neo- phytes to agree on marching tune; one demanding the only tune he knew, "A Hot Time in the Old Town To- night" and the other wanting 'Keller's Hymn of Peace"
 The Grand Panjandrum announced
 the S. P. P. S, which meant the Stand Pat Progressive Society" The symbol of the ballot box with a coffin and a
 scholars cap below it meant that
 the ballot box is the one peaceful bludgeon in the hands of the people
 He who is stricken by it may either
 crawl into his political coffin and die
 at once or prolong his life little by
 going to teach at a university" A non-descript, double ended ami
 mal with a moose head at one end and an elephont's at the other, replaced
 the time -honored goat. Both candi-
 dates would be able to ride at once. l When he broke down under the com 2
 bined weight. Theodore defiantly de
 clared that though q couldn't run the
 darn thing, by Godfrey, I smashed it.
 while William backed himself against
 the world for good loser"
 In the struggle with false mustaches upon their becoming displaced, there Twas revealed the features of two new candidates for admission to the club, John F. Monk of the St Paul Dispatch
 and John P. Gavit of the New York Evening Post.
 Next Wilson was discovered con
 ducting his first cabinet council on
 the lines of faculty meeting, and calling upon each member for his
 thesis" Soon it appeared that all the
 cabinet officers from the secretary ol
 state to the attorney general bore the features of William J. Bryan There
 were nine in all, around the cabinet F board. Where is my cabinet?" queried the F President.
 He will soon be here," replied the secretary.
 You mean they. For that error in grammar you may translate five extra (Continued on Page Two)