The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-11-28
THE CLASSICS BY WIRE
Girls COLUMBUS RETURNS.
Claims to Have Across New Hemisphere Is He a
Cook?

proofs, have the records Of . couple |
rizons which will prove beyond a
shade Of q doubt that everything I
say il on the level"
The reporters accepted this ex-
PLANTATION with few mental reserva-
lions rather than try to ind out
what an artificial horizon was
Whether the Geographical and Me-
neurological Society of the University
Of Spain will be equally open to con-
viction il yet to be seen.
A moving picture man who went
with the Captain claims to have a
perfect film Of the landing of Colum-
bus and party, the habits and sports
OF the natives. fauna and aora of the
! new hemisphere. and a couple of
photo-plays acted by sailors of. the
crew. These will be shown beginning
next Monday evening at the Grand
Theatre. corner Toro and Second
streets. The photographer did land
office business in postcard pictures Of
the new land.
After having his shoes massaged
at the Athens Shoe Shining Empo-
rum, Captain Columbus changed his
shirt and took the 4.45 express for
Barcelona, where he has date with
King Ferdinand. and his wife, Isa-
bella. He took with him the So
called natives Of the alleged new
continent, and q black alligator suit
case full of photographs and notes.
These natives are about the hue of
a new Lincoln penny, have colored
eagle feathers growing from their
scalps, and talk by means Of growls
and grunts that could not possibly
mean anything. The women of the
party spent the day in the local de-
partment stores. and the men in the
rum shops. What with bundles and
packages of this and that, the Captain
could hardly get them aboard the
train.
1t will be remembered that Captain
!, Columbus sailed from this port on
August 3rd Of last year. AS he was
; yanking in the gangplank of the flag
ship Santa Maria, deputy sheriff
Juan McKeef by name, ran down the
/ wharf with a warrant for his arrest
on the charge that he was nutty.
The Captain kicked the officer into
, the bay and sailed merrily out into
the west. Mr.. McKeef sustained the
: loss of three front teeth and was
laid up in the Broadway Hospital for
; some time with an attack OF pneu-
monia. 1t is said that he will sue
the returned mariner for assault with
.
attempt to kill.
Columbus has long been regarded
as confirmed bug and 1t has been
a much mooted question as to whether
he ought to be allowed at large. The
most violent outbreak that his mental
weakness has taken, was his repeated
statements that he world Is round.
In spite Of all that men Of unques-
2 toned sanity and intelligence could
t do, he persisted in this notion, affirm
ing further that he could take q
couple Of ocean-going canoes and by
! sailing westward, find sea trail in
] that direction to the lands Of Cathay.
. Professors and scientists showed him
3 that he was sure to come to the
q jumping of place and that his ships
I with all on board would be lost.
i Granting that the world was round,
Y they proved that as soon as he sailed
down to the under side he and his
vessels would drop or into space just
the same.
None Of these arguments moved
christopher. For his hardheadedness
he gained the just sobriquet of Iron
Head Chris. The queerest part of II
is that these bugs will always find
some one in high circles whom they
can hypnotic into their way OF think
ing. Captain Columbus buzzed his
theories so effectively into the ears
Of H. r. H. Isabella that the latter
pledged herself to soak her jewels
and to furnish the ships that he
needed.
Christopher had been hanging
around the court for several years
bothering everybody from the cook
to the janitor with his theories, and
just what the royal motive was in
getting him the ships has been q mat
ter Of animated discussion. Marie
Cordova, Of 304 West Madison ave.
nue. who is a lady in waiting to the
queen, declares that she overheard
Isabella say:
Its worth a dozen ships to get rio
of q pest like that"
n Since the Captain alleges that h,
returns triumphant. the Queen ha.
re fatty denied this statement, averrini
that she had implicit faith In tn