davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-12-07
Laughter Is Mirthlc.s.

uptown who's bought anything from
US for two years"
Laughter Is Mirthic.s.
There was laughter at this but OF a
mirthless variety. The stagnation in
stocks is no joke 10 the brokers They
can stand Il for stocks to go up end
they can stand it for them to 20 down.
bat when they stand still--its awful.
The exchange has recently had the
worst days business since 1855, TWEEN
tE-hvc years ago. Only $4,000 shares
or stock and SIS bonds changed hands.
There are HOO members OF the ex
change IT was figured that each OF
them would have $40 for his DAYS
work II the commissions were divided
equally. y dollar and forty cents
not the wages of a man who digs q
ditch in these days-and for brokers
whose business expenses might run to
Sloo day each No wonder there
arc "rcorSaniZations" and n few fail
ures. No wonder that stafd old firms
settle all their accounts and quietly
so out of existence.
For one thing each member of the
Change has lost about $4,000 This
is the difference between the high quo
tation for seat In 1909 and the
price seats bring to-day
The floor of the exchange these davs
often resembles the Longing room Of n
clubhouse. The exchange is club In
realty. Will II become one In name?
Will II turn into a mere social orEani-
zation. with traditions OF business?
Hardly, because there are more securi-
tics TO be traded in each year. There
must be n public auction room, whore
they can change hands. The trouble
Just al present in the brokerage ma
chimery is too big FOR it's purposes 1t
is built on scale to handle great spec-
ulations and little spcculations, and
when II has TO come down to calm
and peaceful transfers, Il IS like q
sight seeing automobile carrying "a sin
gle passenger There is no profit.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-12-07

OF the House.
Some members favor more vigorous
language than the chairman has used.
while others contend that the terms Of
the draft already are to severe.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-12-07
ed TO williamsburg.

Niles Marion Jennings. who has been
spending tho summer and fall in the
North. has returned TO her home, near
Toano. for tho winter.
Reed Hyrson. OF Fauqu,cr. Is tho guest
OF T. H. Gcddy.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-12-07
WILLIAMSBURG

Spec ial 10 The Times Dispatch
williamsburg Va. December e.-Nrs Ed
win G. Booth and daughter Miss Clara
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1913-12-07
Successful onnraiinn

Miss Virginia Kirby. OF Marion Va
student at tho Massey Business College. was
operated on at Grace Hospital for Appendix
citis yesterday morning. Her condition last
night was reported to be satisfactory.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
AMAZING LINGUISTS.
A Wonderful Teacher of Spanish and q
Master of Arabic.

A Wonderful Teacher of Spanish and Q
Master of Arabic.
An amazing incident happened in one
of the higher schools in France a few
years ago. A certain deputy of great
influence went to the minister of pub
lie in5t Jr'et.Ji. and asked a place as
sChooite8cher for one Of his constit-
uents. The minister said the only
place vacant WAS that of teacher of
Spanish. The deputy told his friend
this and remarked that it was a pity
he did not know Spanish. To which
the pOstulant replied:
Spanish? Why, Spanish is my spe-
cialty | shall be glad to take the pro-
fesSOrshiD."
So be was appointed. He bought a
Spanish grammar and began teaching
ii 10 his pupils, doing his best TO keep
a lesson ahead Of the class But It was
pretty poor Spanish he was teaching.
and be was very well aware of this.
Everything went along smoothly, and
the end Of the term apprua he'd when
the class was 10 be examined by Sc
we're and eXacting professor from the
university. The teacher tTembled in
his shoes as the dread day drew near
The day came and with it the exa min
ing professor. The scared teacher put
his class through its PAGES. painfully
conscious that CgTvRntes would never
have recognized as Spanish this Ian
guage the pupils were speaking. The
grim professor listened in impassive
silence Then be asked q few -ques-
tons and gave the mem beTs Of the class
q few sentences 10 translate into Span
ISL. As his pupils answered the teach
/ er felt that he might as we'll hand in
/ his resignation. But when all was over
the professor congratulated him on
/ his success and the class and the rapid
/ progress II had made
! The professor did not know a word
of SPANISH
/ Emanuel Arene used to tell the fol-
/ lowing story: A certain Marseillaise
/ boosted so long OF his knowledge of
/ Arabic that at last he came to believe
( ne knew It. One day an Arab was
arrsigned in a Msrseiiles police court
on q charge Of murder. He began TO
speak In his own defense, but as no
one there could understand a word he
said the judge demanded an interpret
er. The boaster was sent for and told
to interpret what the Arab said He
listened gravely to the mans defense
Then he turned to the court and said:
He confesses everything"
And so the Arab was found guilty
New York World
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31

practically without the use of a pound
of fertilizer.
Sans method was simple. He filed
the soil of his two acres with vegeta-
bic matter lHumus). At first he did
IS by hauling leaves from the woods
and blowing Juem under Then when
The and began 70 produce crops, he
plOwed under the straw of his oats and
the stalks OF his corn and cotton.
In the opinion Of Prof. w. J. Spill
man OF the department Of agriculture.
one Of the foremost agriculture eco
uOmists in the world, the case Of Sam
Mccall and the cases of other farmers
farming with startling results prove
the validity of a discovery which will
be revolutionary in agriculture. The
theory Is now held by Milton Whit
ney, chief OF the United States bureau
of soil. and his assistant, Frank K.
Cameron. that each soil particle is
composed largely of potash and phos-
phorus, two Of the principal elements
Of plant food. According TO their the
DRY q film OF the surface OF each soil
particle each year is dissolved, liber-
ating the potash and phosphate.
This theory is held against the great
body OF scientists, who liken each soil
particle to a sponge, soaked to the cen
ter with the moisture Of the soil. The
latter group of scientists belieye that
plants eventually suck from each soil
particle all it contains Of plant food,
leaving a sterile shell of indissolub. g
mineral matter. Whitney and Cam
erOn believe that the soil is plant
food, and as long as any soil is left it
is continually llberating potash and
phosphate by dissolution.
Thus the only other element needed
to feed the p ant is nitrogen. The pre-,
vailiug theory is that nitrogen exists
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31

ancestor. An adverse report. which
soon was made. Is one of the curiosi-
ties Of congressional literature 1t en-
logized the petitioner as - young. dig
nited and graceful lady with mind of
the highest intellectual culture and
heart beating with all our own enthu-
siasm in the cause of American and
human liberty" The reasons why the
prayer OF the petitioner could not be
granted were given. but she was com
mended to the generosity Of the Amer
lean people.
The name of America. our country's
name. should be honOTed, respected and
cherished in the interesting exile from
whose ancestor we derive the great
and glorious title
Later II was discovered that the wO-
man was an impostor.-"Perley's Rem
iniscences."
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
TELEPHONE NUMBERS.
With q Humorist's Views on the Eter-
nal Fitness of Things.

Speaking OF telephone numbers, a
good number for a cigar dealer would
be 2-4-5. and cheap suburban sport
might as we'll be Flushing as any
thing else. An Irishman wishing to
dine would naturally call up a place
2-S. but a Hinglishman 'avtng to call
up 9 blarsted, bioomin' creditor re-
garding a bill would be 50
A lover ordering a chair would want
1-4-2. and a newly wed couple wishing
a fat would want 14-2-2, but the Ger
man maiden refusing to marry would
shout 1899. (Oh. how cleVerD
II you want TO borrow you wish
4-2-0, and probably that is q money
lenders number. but If you only want
small loan from a friend you will
wish POS. Chats pretty cute. What0
The bookmaker should have two
phones-9-2-1 for long shots and 4-2-5
for favorites. The man with a dog
might call 6-6-6-6-(get that 0-and the
| farmer should put so on his list. put
| eight-o. hey. what, l rather guess
that's a rotten potatoD
! If two horses were in the running
| and 1-1-6-0 John he would be a happy
| lad and his smile would be % Broad.
| CThis is one 50 Spring on youJ And
If John spent the cash for liquor
would cry 5-5-5-4 John! But that is just
how careless John is. His drinking is
hades for his wife, but it's IA John.
| what. hob
(Honestly, I could keep this up all
nightD If two of you wished to be
wed you would not have 2-S-4 Spring,
because you could call Al Rector to
make you one Immediately, and then.
If tired Of being united in one. you
could go to a fat Judge and let that 1-2
Broadparty-W again. OF you can't
see that. ask for Information. ELLIS
! Parker Butler in Judge.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
A Trick of the Sun.

Upon a mountain In Andalusta
quaint spectral forms are frequently
seen. Whenever there is a heavy mist
and persons are ascending the noun
tain they appear in all their ghostly
splendor and sometimes so suddenly
as to strike dismay into the hearts of
those who see them for the first time
OF course it is all trick played by
the sun. When a mist partially
shrouds the mountain the sun Is nat
urally obscured, and then he revenges
himself by projecting the shadow OF
sny person who is ascending the
mountain until It assumes the form Of
of a gigantic specter.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
MODERN CHEMISTRY.
Prediction of a Scientist and Its Re-
markabIo Verifieation.

Prediction of a Scientist and Its Re-
markabIo Verifieation.
When q mathematical astronomer in
Paris gave Berlin observatory a
search warrant for a new planet and,
turning his telescope as directed. the
Berlin observer found the previously
unknown planet ali the world won
dered. Equally remarkable have been
q prediction and its verificatiOn in the
history of modern chemistry. Grading
the known elements OF nature accord
ing to the weight OF their respective
atoms, it was observed that the ele-
ments. some seventy or more in num-
Der. formed scale marked by period
lefty like the scale In music. This
periodic law in the hand OF genius be-
came an instrument of research. 1t
was in 1871 that Mendeleef, the Rus
sian chemist. in forming the scale Of
elements. found it necessary to leave
three spaces vacant for undiscovered
elements to make his table true.
Neither did he hesitate TO predict
the properties which these elements
should possess when discovered. It
was as If an astroIoGer should inform
you that you would meet some time in
your life three men and that with the
utmost particularity he told you their
respective physical weights, the color
of their hair. the size of hat, shoe and
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
By ROBERT :. WILSON.

Washington, Jaa. 31.-If Sam Nc
Call, an aged, ilnterate ex-slave cult
waiting a two-acre farm on the side OF
q hill In Wilcox county, A.a., scien-
fists of the department OF agriculture
believe they have found the best ex-
ample on which TO base the positive
announcement that mankind will new
er face a food famine due TO the ex-
haustiOn of the elements Of fertility
In the earth's soil. That as long as
there is any earth and water left, what
there is will bring forth in abundance.
According TO the old teachings of
orthodox agriculture, the soil is like a
bank, containing a limited quantity of
treasure, in the shape of plant food:
that even the most careful farming
cannot put back into the soil quite all
that II takes out. and consequently the
entire earth will some day become
sterile and barren. This theory. once
held by scientists. is still accepted by
many farmers.
Not by sam Mccall, however. For
a half century Sam has been assidu-
ously cu.tivatiug a farm of two acres.
When he bought the land after he was
emanci pated, it was as poor land as
could be found in the United States.
/ Successive cropping before the war so
exhausted its fertility that It was
abandoned Then the rains croded the
J topping OF loan and washed it down
, the hill into the stream When Sam
bought it for 80 cents an acre. it was
bare even Of grass and weeds It was
/ the sort Of soil southerners say will
not sprout peas" No soil expert would
( hesitate to say thar such soil has been
completely exhausted of the elements
Of plant food.
Now what did sam Mccall do with
this sort Of land? In 1903 the two
acres produced l4O bushels OF oats. 50
bushels OF corr (on one acre. and
four bales Of cotton. The southern
average for these crops lwhen land rs
devoted exclusively to them) is 20
bushels OF oats, 10 bushels OF corn
and l-3 of a bale of cotton 10 the acre
The Mccall yields, carefully verified
In a bulletin just published by the de
partment Of agriculture. are absolute
'ly the record for the United States.
Yet the eN-slayc brought his worth
less land 10 this degree of fertility
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
SKIN OF A BADeEa.
So Loose tho Animal Can Alrnest Turn
SoTcTssu!ts In L.

So Loose tho Animal Can Alrnost Turn
SomcTssu!ts In Il.
The pelt Of an adult badger is ex-
tTeme!y thick and difficult for a biting
adversary 10 penetrate, writes a trap
per IN Fur News. and 50 loosely does
the SKIN cover the body that the ami
NAL is able 10 turn almost around In
Its hide
Should dog acquire a hold on the
throat the badger turns himself so that
the dogs grip is on the back Of the
badgers neck without having loosened
his FIRST hold Then the badger &c
cures a visellke grip upon some vul-
nerable portion OF his enemy. and
while his long tusks penetrate to the
limit he digs and scratches with his
front feet that are furnished with
claws almost as formidable and deadly
as might be expected from an anteater
OF the dark continent.
lie who has removed the pelt of a
badger and is az all observing does not
wonder at this animal being sharp bit
ten and that he Is able TO hang with
bulldog tenacity when the formation
and adjustment Of It's jaws are noted.
Neither Is It so much Of a mystery how
he manages to bore through the soil
so rapidly that half dozen men with
shovels cannot overtake him. for he is
mass OF cords and muscles. particu-
larry in the neck. chest and shoulders.
very similar in physical construction TO
the ground mole
The badger toes inward sharply when
travelling and always on the walk.
twisting about here and there very
much Ike the movement OF skunk.
while n Il be I'm winter he makes n
business Of hunting buried dormant
woodchucks.
He Is a fur bearer OF rather coarse
quality. and there is a great range OF
value In the pelts taken. depending
upon the length Of the coat \ badger
is chiefly valuable when II has a long
coat. so that the guard hairs can he
plucked and used 10 make shaving
brushes
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31

in the soil and is gradually exhausted
by the plants. Prot. Spillman says that
Sam Mccall put the nitrogen in his
soil when he plowed in the humus.
Microscopic bacteria live in decaying
vegetable matter in the soil, and these
bacteria feed largely upon nitrogen in
the air ventilating down through the
soil, and thus supply nitrogen to the
soil when they die. The air is four
tifths nitrogen
Thus. according to Frof Spillman,
sO-called worn out" soil is soil which
contains no humus. The bacteria are
continually eating humus and they will
cause it to disappear altogether un,
less fresh supplies are put into the
ground by the farmer.
The example of Sam Mccall shows
as long as man has earth and air he
can continue to grow food by applying
intelligence TO cultivation.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31

Many insects have some means Of
defense from their natural enemies.
none OF which Is more curious than
that Of a small beetle. which when
closely pursued discharges a pun Of
poisonous vapor with q distinct deton-
alton Undoubtedly in many instances
this aids the diminutive gunner in his
escape, mainly. in ali probability. 10y
startling his pursuer and causing him
20 abandon the chase. From this
peculiar requirement this little fellow
is known as the bombardler beetle.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
Squads.

twelve hours and still more rapidly
after the third day. Squads are ae
first sparsely covered with long fila.
ments Of down. the root " each fla
ment indicating the point from which
each future feather is to start. The
down for awhile still hangs on the
tips of some OF the feathers during
their growth and is thought by some
to be finally absorbed into the shaft OF
the growing feather.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
Man and n Wife.

The primary impulse Of all creatures
ls possession. 1t is this that causes a
chicken to tear around the yard with
a piece of meat in its mouth and all
the other chickens after It. OF course
1t cannot possibly eat The meat 1t
hasn't time, but the instinct Of pos
session makes 1t grab and keep 1t. The
same is noticeable among beasts. They
like 10 set a great piece of meat In
their mouths and then growl 1t is
this instinct IN man which provokeS
him TO matrimonv He wants some
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31

glove worn by each and. In a word,
all the habits of mind and body suf-
ficient to discriminate them positively
from all other men. Not only was the
prediction literally fulfilled. but Men
deleef had the unexpected pleasure TO
see the verification in his day, for
out OF the night of the unknown one
after another came the predicted ele-
ments into the clear sunlight of science
and were instantly recognized.-Louis-
Vile Courier-Journaal.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
AMERICA VESPUCCl.
She Asked Congress For Citizenship
and "a Corner Of landp

4 decided sensation was created at
Washington during the Van Buren, ad-
minlstratiou by the appearance there
Of handsome and well dressed Italian
woman who called herself America YES
pucci and claimed descent from the
navigator who gave his name to the
continent Ez-Presideut Adams and
Daniel Webster became her especial
friends. and she soon was a welcome
guest in the best society. In a few
weeks after her arrival she presented a
petition TO congress asking, first. TO be
admitted u tie rights u citizenship
and, secondly. TO be given n corner Of
land out Of the public domain Of the
country which bore the uaue OF her
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
co, A TOURNAMENT
TO BE OPENED MAY IS

Co. 4, 1. \. G., viii open its sum
mer tournament OF weekly shoots
May Is this year on the Pope range
near the Watch Tower. The members
have been practicing considerably
this winter and some high scores are
expected 70 be hung up" The sup
per shoot comes 10 A close on May /.
From present indications it looks
very much as though the married men
win have 20 dig down in their jeans
for the price OF the big banquet which
viii wind up the sho6t.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
She Doesn't Ask.

Docs your wife ask you for things
she knows you cannot afford|
"Shc hasn't asked me for thing
since we were married"
Great, How do you manage itT'
"When she wants thing she does
not ask me; she tells me."-Houston
COST
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31

you used TO rave over my liquid
voice" she says accusingly.
II know / did" he mutterS I'm de-
Tense. but did not imagine then
that your words would come In such
torrents"-St. Paul Dispatch
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31

Mrs. Kn'cker-Did you hold short
session with your husband? Mrs.
Borker-Yes ! merely had him pass
an appropriation bill. - New York
Times
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
He Found II.

at started out on the theory that the
world bad an opening for me, and I
went to end IT,"
did YOU find it?"
'Oh, yes: I'm in a hole"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31
lard IN NnlIach

The world owes every man a living
but you have to be pretty smart to
get judgmen. for the debt Wash
ingtOn Star.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-31

thing 10 guard and growl over. So
he seeks a hollow tree. cave or a
house and a wife.-PuCk.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1913-10-28
If KIDNEYS AND
BLADDER BOTHER
TAKE SALTS TO FLUSH KIDNEYS
AND NEUTRAIdZE IRRI-
TATING ACIDS.

Kidney and bladder weakness re-
suit from uric acid. says a noted au
thority. The kidneys filter this acid
from the blood and pass 1t on to the
bladder. where 1t often remains to ir-
ritate and inflame, causing a burn
ing. scalding sensation, or setting up
an irritation at the neck of the blad-
der, obliging you to seek relief two
or three times during the night. The
sufferer is in constant dread. the wa
ter passes sometimes with a scalding
sensation and is very profuse: again.
there is difficulty in avoiding II.
Bladder weakness. most folks call
ton. While 1t is extremely annoying
really one of the most simple ailments
to overcome. Get abut four ounces
of Jad Salts from your pharmacist and
take a tablespoonful in glass of wa
ter before breakfast, continue this for
two or three days. This will neutra-
lie the acids in the urine so it no lon
ger Is a source of irritation to the
bladder and urinary organs which then
act normally again.
Jad Salts is inexpensive. harmless,
and is made from the acid Of grapes
and lemon Juice. combined with lithia,
and lis used by thousands Of folks who
are SUBJECT to urinary disorders caused
by uric acid irritation. Jad Salts is
splendid for kidneys and causes nc
bad effects whatever.
Here yon have n pleasant, efferyes-
cent iithia- water drink. which quick
iy relieves bladder trouble.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1913-10-28

not altogether proper for a senator.
This brought out some vigorous re-
plies from Keezell.
1t is believed that the large anti
Keezell clement among the Democrats
will vote the Republican ticket. while
on the other hand Keezell claims that
he has the support of many Republic
cans and independents. 1t Is prob
able that the anti-Paul or Acker Re-
publicans will swing over to Keezell.
During the past week Henry G.
Stuart. the next governor OF Virginia,
came to Rockingham and made per-
sonal appeal to all voters to elect
Keezell. Stuart praised KeezelPs work
in the constitutional convention and
recommended him to the voters on
the ground of business and legisla-
tive experience
Two years ago the political fight in
Rockingham brought about the exis-
tence of three newspapers, all Of
which, however, have been CONSOLE
dated into one, whose fairness and In
dependence in the present campaign
are marked.
On Tuesday night Congressman
James Hay will come from Washing
ton to enter into the fray. He and
Keezell will speak from the same plat
form at Cross Keys.
AS an eleventh-hour candidate c.
d. Harnsbereer, former mayor of
Grottoes has entered the race as an
Independent.