The Washington herald., 1913-03-17
STATESMEN-REAL AND NEAR
~ FRED @. KELLY.

Joseph Patrick Tumulty, the young
man who recently stepped into the most
difficult job in the country-that Of in
,ulating the President from the public
| is not a German or a Frenchman- Ono
would never guess II from his name. but
| the fellow is mostly Irish. And he has
an Irishman's sense Of humor. For ex-
| ample:
AT the close Of his first day as sec-
| retary TO the President, young Mr..
Tumulty stepped out the front door OF
| the Executive Office and there found a
| large costly automobile awaiting him.
The chauffeur touched his cap, another
| fellow opened the door. and the six
cylinder engine chuf-chuffed deferen-
| TALLY. You sec. the big auto goes with
| the job. All Tumulty has to do is to
rub the magic lamp, so to speak. and the
| machine comes bounding to him when
| ever he wants IL.
| Well, the new Secretary looked at ths
1 machine. turned from it to a friend
standing near by. tried to keep his face
straight. but couldn't. and burst into a
| hearty laugh.
What's the big joke" inquired the
friend.
oh. it's funny" roared Tumulty;
| only day or 80 ago, over in New Jer-
sey. ! was lucky il got standing room
in a street car. And now look at this
OUTFIT
Tumulty is a compact young person,
barely up to the average height. fair
| haired, and with rosy checks like Lillian
Russell used to have. He looks so boy
ish and good natured that until one sees
| him In action, one gets the impression
| that book agent could walk right by
him INTO a Cabinet meeting. But the
| man has an authoritative voice that
stops all monkey business regardless of
\ his winning smile. He combines brisk
| ness with calmness At times, he gets
SO busy that he actually breaks into a
run. but while galloping from one room
| to another he is composedly nodding to
/ callers and calmly deciding which ones
must be disposed of first.
| AS to dress. Tumulty is neat but not
offensive. He runs TO browns. of con-
, servative pattern. but no matter how
much he might pay for his clothes, he
| could not look .'dressy." One would
| never know for sure whether he was out
| fitted by an exclusive tailor, or at 4
great January clearance sale. And he
| would feel i'll at case in a silk hat.
Besides Tumulty. the White House
| force still includes Tommy Brahany,
chief clerk. and Pat McKenna, door
keeper. And the carpets about the Ex-
| ecutive Offices are green. AL Of which Is
a great help.
The Vice Presidents secretary's namc
| is Mark Thistlethwaite. Do not overlook
the ''th" lying unostentatiously between
the thistle and the waite. \ great many
persons think the affable young mans
| name is Thistlewaite. but they are mis-.
taken. That extra "th'' has been put in
TO make it hard, like trick item in a
iconundrum. To roll the name trippingly
from the tongue requires some little prac-
tice, perseverance. and a running start,
10 say nothing of clear head. A maa
! who attends TOO many sumptuous ban.
uuets In the night season will have no
end of difficulty in properly addressing
Mr.. Thistlethwaite the next morning.
One or two Senators have proposed that
the secretary lend his name each fore
noon to determine the fit and the unfit
about the Senate wing of the Capitol. even
| as Jepthah, of Israel. used the word shih.
boleth TO separate the Ephraimites from
the Gileadites. The idea is. if one may
paraphrase Milton, TO bar all Senators
who fall into the wrong classification
for want of well pronouncing Thistle
thwaite."
Josephus Daniels, the North Carolina
| editor. who is now Secretary Of the
that he was working on farm for forty
cents day. but when a drug store
proprietor came along one hot July after
noon and offered him ten cents a day
more. Daniels Immediately responded 10
the vulgar call of money
After he had been dispensing drugs for
few months they cleaned up some OF
their stock bottles one morning and he
put the opium in the bottle that had
formerly contained powdered borax The
Labels were changed all right but the
price marks were not At noon, when
Daniels was holding down the lid alone,
a sallow-faced shopper entered and
priced the opium.
Fifteen cents a pound. sir said DAN
iels. gayly.
'oh. gimme a couple Of pounds" said
the shopper. offhandedly
Daniels discovered that they had onIy
an ounce or so in stock
But the customer wasn't fussy He
said he d give fifteen cents for that
even. Daniels delightedIy sold him the
entire stock.
Then the proprietor returned from
lunch and asked low business had been.
Flne, said Daniels. II closed out the
last of our opium. Didn't have a pound.
but the fellow gave me fifteen cents for
II, anyway"
The proprietor didn't wait to hear an
other word. but muttered a low curse at
the astonished Daniels and dashed out
the door. In little while he came back
dragging with him the leading dope fend
Of the community. and made the custo-
mer give back most of the opium.
Thus no serious harm was done, but
Daniels severed his connection with the
drug emporium the next day and got
job on newspaper. He had acquired
a great ear for town gossip from the
drug store loafers. and was a success as
newspaper man right from the start,
tCorynsht. 1915. by Fred c. Kelly All R;vb,s r..