New-York tribune., 1913-07-28
AS | WAS SAYING

To our taste, quite the red-hottest Of Mexican
papers is the "Tabasco Tamae," and dear dear!
how it does wallop our fellow citizens down yonder!
We quote
Americans have head for business"
These grngoes will back any futile, wildcat
scheme"
"A Yankee sits up nights inventing new ways Of
not making money"
These are monstrous charges. and retaliate by
asking: What about Mexicans? Have they
head for business? Don't they back futile
wildcat schemes? Are they innocent Of sitting up
nights inventing new ways of not making money!
What was that project they hatched, only the
other day, when It got talked around that Grape
juice William coming to soothe them? Stand
up, "Tabasco Tamale." Look in the eye. Deny
if you can, that scorpo Mahana telegraphed TO FL
Captain Toro Porfrio Tarantua: "Kdnap Bryan
and hold him for a ransom"
That's right We thought you'd admit it. Well
then was there more unbusinesslike piece Of
romantic dsinterestedness than that?
Fresh revelations from West Point Algebra
If a carriage wheel IL 2-3 feet in circumference
takes one second longer TO revolve the rate OF the
carriage will be reduced . 2-3 miles per hour. Find
the original rate of the carriage"
Awful, How expect officer TO face
shot and smell on the nelQ or glory Wnen we pIedh
his spirit with impudent prying ruinous questions
like the above the very threshold of his career?
Besides consider the havoc Of honor the wreck
age Of veracity involved in algebra What said the
gentle sister in Quality Street? Algebra my
dear is saying a equals when you know in your
heart that It doesn't"
We fear that the good dame who declares men
never read the Elegant Female spoke too suddenly
We have watched. Scores OF desperate fellows are
addicted to precisely that form Of intellectual sum
ming
Hear the grosns Of the Britons, It Is not only on
the terrace Of the Houses Of Parliament that they
are overrun with unlimited guests. These affable
souls even invade private mansions. Whenever the
sounds Of mirth and song break forth they rush TO
the scene and II is wonderful how they adapt them
selves 10 a strange environment Despite their low
birth they dance the gorilla grip and the hoggy
hobble in such nobly nauseating manner that they
succeed in passing themselves off as aristocrats.
This compncates matters one hesitates TO cry
wilkins. throw out that man" Like as not It is
the Marquis Of Bgewater himself, and one has been
deceived - the champagne.
So the plague continues. and nothing is done In
deed we hear that uninvted guests have become an
institution over there and feel that the way to
mitigate the horror is not to preach wariness 70
hosts but tact to unlimited guests, who go at the
business rather crudely at present and have much TO
learn from the Slas Rutabagas. OF South Turner
Vile, VT
When Square Barker Joined Mrs. Square in in
stituting social distinctions and gave shindy to
which only the top notch" were hidden. what did
the silas Rutabagas do? All brethren theirs was
brilliant stroke. organizing the ''left-aouters,"
and preparing gifts as well as basket lunches they
swooped down upon the Square Barkers when mer-
rment ran highest, and honored them with the most
lavishly benehcent Of surprise parties
Quality has reigned in South Turnerve since
then but more or less mystery still shrouds Square
Barkers state Of mind. When refer TO the
affair his comment is sometimes, "Jee-roosalum
crickets!" and sometimes, WAL, naow bgawsh
ye don't say"
wanted: Woman to take charge Of lodging
house; man and wife preferred" Thus yanshes the
last crumb Of Mere Man.
Isn't It sad they can't agree? Just as Socialist
poetess has resolved to adopt twelve children, all
under year old and teach them absolutely nothing
up pops stern Spartan Miss Ida Tarbell, crying in
the Ladies III. j.:
TT is never too early to begin breaking in a child
TO the fact that certain things required OF him
f-control self reliance, fair return for what he
gets II is utterly unfair that he should not be
made to feel responsible from the start; moreover
that he shall this responsibility with cheer
fulness not sullenness with courage, not fear with
truthfulness, not deception
Looks like the very dickens Of a clash between
these theories doesn't it? Fortunately however
practice harmonzes them When go from door
10 door I'm the -- district of - 1--WE suppress
the suburbs name, because parents out there are
sensitive about the milita's interference we hear
the same story always:
81 rule my darlings with rod Of iron" (snickers
from the nursery "and spank them seven hours
daily" (more snckers, with cries OF "Whew" and
eco chase yourself"') "and all the neighbors do the
same But nothing can prevent my little angels
nickIng I'D those devilsh tricks from the others
That is why they talk back, and won't get up when
I say. and draw pictures OF poor. dear Thomas all
o,er his automobile" II. l.. II.
JMpOPTANT TOO