Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-01-08

Il T.
treat a wnIn2n:"
Such is the allegation. your honor.
And who's the alligatorY
MY client. the plnlntiff.''
Air you shure there NRiu't no other
alligator in the caSe?"
At this point one of tine defendant
particular friends interrupted the dia-
logue.
ledge" he said. II reckon my wife
can tell you who's the real alligator be-
hind this case. My wife says she over
heard Mrs Burrage's next door neigh
Dor. Mrs. Mcclure, pumpin fight ln-
ter
Il object. your honor" interposed
the plaintiffs counsel. This is not only
evidence coming through second per-
son. but is not properly brought for
ward. 1t is not yet time for the wit
nesses for the defense to testify"
''JedGe" Mr.. Hardness spoke up.
"as prosecutin' attorney o this yere 4
town, want 10 say
Your honor" Mr.. Cartright inter /
posed, this is not r case requiring
prosecuting attorney. The defendant |
is entitled to counsel. and If Mr.. Hark.
ness represents him he should be heard; L
otherwise'-
ut don't matter what you call him"
interrupted the judge. Hes an officer
o this court. and don't want you to
try to run him out by slingin' these law
names at him. Cy Hardness, what was
you goin' to say?"
Il was goin' TO say that as prose-
cutln' attorney or counsel fer the de-
PENDANT or whatever l am. want to
object to citizen o. this yere town In
good standin' like John Burrage. who
gives good measure and has never been
known to pass counterfeit bill. bein'
called names even if they be law
names by stranger who has come
among us to throw dust in our eyes By
his law talk. Eff he's u mind to come
>down to plain American languidge and
tell us what John Burrage's wife has
got ag'in John Burrage let him do 1t;
otherwise let him ever after hold his
peace"
This amt a weddin', Cy," said one
of the jurymen, pulling the speakers
coat sleeve; ITS a divorce. You got
the marriage service in the wrong
place"
Your honor" said the plaintiffs
counsel, we're making no Roadway
with this case. If you will allow me TO
give you bit Of posting, l would say
that In courts Of lew the plaintiffs tes'
/ timony IS brought forward, then the
opposite side is introduced, and the re-
buttar'-
~ want you to understand, young
man, therell be no buttin' in yere in
this court. You needn't try 1t neither.
But we amt gettin' on nohow. There's
too much city law in the case Every
body's talkin' but the pussen as ought
to talk. You, Susan Burrage, stand up
and tell the court what you got agin
yer man"
Mrs Burrage arose. The toothache
had subsidized. and she was in an excel
'ent humor.
ut IS not my intention to put my
client on the witness stand Mr.. Cart
right interposed.
We'll, its my intention to put her
there" replied the judge, and If you
interfere with any o your law lingo
I'll put you out Now, Susan Burrage.
fire away"
well, judge, it's this way: My hus-
ban comes home when | wasn't feelin'
very well, and sasSes him. He didn't
sass back and that made me mad. The
most excoriatin' man is enc as won't
sass back Eff he'd stayed a minute
} longer I'd "a throwed a plate at his
head. But he got out, and was tellin'
my troubles to my neighbor, Mrs Nc
Cure
The alligator" interrupted the judge.
81 dunno. Mrs. Mcclure, she intND-
duced me to Mr. Cartright to find out
what could be done between me and
John The first informashun he give
me was that he wanted a restrainer fee
of $50. Well, went to Johns stockin',
where he keeps his money. and got the
$50 and TUX 1t TO the lawyer. and he
talked a blue streak. and when my
tooth stopped achin' found myself in
a divorce suit"
"Wen?"
What could do but go ON with 1t
or lose my money? If 1 don't get my
divorce III be out 500"
The effect Of this evidence on the
court and spectators was such that Mr..
Cartright turned pale.
Gentlemen Of the jury" said the
Judge. lit bein' my duty to instruct you
as To the la.v in this case. I'll tell you
that it's all on the side of John Bur
rage. You got nothin' TO do with no d.
, YOrce. What you got to do is to bring
in a verde returnin' Susan Burrage
her 500 restrainin' fee. Then you want
TO put the costs On Cartright. with the
request that he make himself scarce
before shutdown tonight with all his
law books and SIGH. This we're town IS
not to be improved by city law, and we
don't want none Of it in Harmony"
The judges instructions were carried
out TO tie letter. Mfr. Cartright was es.
corted out OF town, and John and Su
san Burrage went home together. feel
ing that they had escaped the horrors
Of divorce by the skin Of their teeth