The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1913-08-22
Doing Good

I'm kind Of uneasy about B my
health, DOCTOR" said the major =
have been suffering from shooting
pains in my right side, where my
heart is. and all my organs seem out
OF Whack in one way or another, 80
thought I'd ask you to examine me
and tell me what's wrong and give
me a prescription"
I'll be glad to examine you and
prescribe, Major Standoft," replied the
doctor, when you have settled that
old account of yours, which has been
running for three years. At the last
meeting of our county medical asso-
citation we passed drastic resolutions
forbidding members to have dealings
with certain people, who are notori.
ously bad pay, and your name was the
FIRST mentioned in this connection"
We'll, great guns!" cried the major.
THAT should have to be insulted by q
lanternjawed sawbones right here in
this town, which owes its very exist.
!ence to my heroism and self-sacrifice
in the times that tried mems souls!
This surely must be an evil dream
from which l shall presently wake!
It doesn't stand to reason that any
man, much less a one horse doctor,
would dare to hand such an insult to
the pioneer who made the wilderness
blossom as the rose!
"Why, sir, | have been the best
friend you ever had since you hung
out your shingle. l have boosted you
in season and out of season. I took
an interest in you from the first, and
whenever a friend of mine fell sick
would say to him: Call on Doctor
Condiment! He is the most divinely
gifted physician in these parts
J when old John Bonehead fell sick
he was going to send for one of the
old established doctors, but labored
with him and exhausted all my clio.
quence to get. him to send for you.
Now, / ask you, as man to man, did
he send for you on my recommends
ton or did he not?"
''He certainly did, and I've always
felt that it was a low trick on your
part. Here / was stranger in a
strange land, young physician try
ing to establish a practice, and you
nnloaded that old deadbeat on me and
nearly broke me up in business! / treat
ed him for six months and as soon as
he was able to move he jumped the
town and I haven't had cent from
hira to this day"
"That's your idea of gratitude, sir
is it? When I go forth to the hedges
and highways to find patients for you
you think l should be responsible for
the bills they run up! suppose you
have forgotten who called you up
when old Mrs. Toplofty fell sick
Just as soon as heard of her illness
I nearly foundered myself rushing to
a telephone to notify you, knowing
that you needed patients. I suppose
you have forgotten that kindness?"
"No, I have not forgotten, major,
and If it hadn't. been for your gray
hairs I'd have shown my appreciation
with a wet elm club. was just get.
ting a footing in some of the wealthy
homes of the town then. There was
q mild epidemic Of measles, and was
quite busy and the outlook was en-
couraging. Then you sent me your
COMPOUNDED telephone message, and
rushed down to see Mrs. Toplofty, and
found that she had the smallpox
When my wealthy patrons learned
that was treating a smallpox patient
they closed their doors to me. That
experience set me back two years.
and now you have the nerve to come
here reminding me of it,"
well, of all the shameless ingrati.
tude that ever defaced the annals OF
our glorious country this is the worst!
This is the reward man gets for
helping the poor and needy, for strain
ing his hind legs rustling around try
ing to do good A man may shed
blood and sever his heart-strings try
ing to aid struggling young men, and
after years they turn and rend him!
"Nell, you can go to thunder with
your medical association. I don't
suppose you could tell an attack of
CHAMBERS from lunar eclipse, any
how, and so your diagnosis wouldn't
be worth a cent If l had a sick COW
l wouldn't let you prescribe for her
The undertaken was telling me only
yesterday that he'll have to buy an
extra hearse if you stay here. So
bid you good morning"