Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1913-07-25
BY PAUL eRUNER.

BY PAUL BRUNER.
Temperament lost a ball game for
Davenport yesterday afternoon. That
listens like an incoherent excerpt
from the padded cell, but it's the
straight goods. nevertheless. as there
a Heinie Zim II on the Blue Hose
pay rolf" you venture. No, Oscar.
you have picked the wrong number
and are 40 miles from home. The
fly in the oleo was none other than his
knobs, the Jump. After Jesse James
Barnes had padded along rippingly for
seven innings, the knight of the indi-
Gator took a violent dislike TO the
representative Of the western plains
and excused him from further duty.
Paul OF Tarsus Crouch jumped into
the breach and wounded three men
straight. which coupled with a single
netted two runs and the buckwheat.
Final count, Quincy, 4; Sox, 2. Soft
music, professor.
SOME CLASS TO IMP.
Great singers. artists, poets, authors.
are all saturated with temperament
TO greater or lesser degree. 1t
is a part OF their stock in trade; but
for plain, common, everyday umpire
to get the high brow stuff in his
noodle is beyond ehe comprehension
of the widest dope fiend extant Well,
Johnson has become inoculated, and
most any day now we can expect to
see him hire a valet, whose duly It
shall be 10 announce balls and strikes
in addition to serving his master with
pink tea between innings. That's the
present outlook
WHAT OCCURRED.
johnson is no ordinary umpire. He
was raised in the pampered lap of
luxury. amidst the culture and refine
ment of the effete east. A harsh
word CRATES on his hair-spring mental
ity like the impact of a pile driver,
and he simply will not tolerate crit
icism of any sort. And that is where
Barnes got in Dutch.
In the first half of the eighth in
nings with the score two apiece, Jesse
walked Turner. the first man up. And
this is what happened, according to
Barnes. AS Umps Johnson strolled
out TO assume his pose back of the
slab. the Circleville bandit veered his
dome a trifie TO the southeastward and
in dulcet tones murmured: MY dear
fellow. / trust you will pardon my
presumption, but really l believe you
have erred in your judgment. | am
confident that the leather sphere BIZ
sected the gutta percha at right an
giles during the course OF the last
two deliveries"
DO you really mean that?" queried
Umpire Johnson. aghast.
you get me. Steve" quoth us of
the freckled complexion.
How dare you address me in such
terms. you vulgar person." roared the
astounded arbiter. Leave this dia-
mond at once and never let me gaze
upon your features again. Begone,
base knave."
UNRTNIsED VERSION.
Now the average fan will not fall
for that explanation, and quite nat.
urally so. We have bunch that the
A'oi uiaAObuS Was Soulethlus dlleI lIls
fashion:
Barnes-"Say, you great big near.
sighted bar fy. wotiuell's the matter
with your lamps. Wipe the cobwebs
out OF the corners and get next to
yourself Lay OF that midnight saloos
noise and hit the hay for a change
and you'll be hep when the apple zips
the corners. Seer
Johnson-"Say, Gull, there's no guy
living that can get by with that line
Of chatter when I'm not paralyzed.
Chase yourself and shove your over
heated nut under the shower before
sap sou on the mush. I'm a tough guy
40 you get me? | said tough"
The reader may take his choice.
CROTCH WILD.
Crouch was rushed onto the slab
and promptly soaked both Congor and
Tretter in the stats. choking the bases
kerwin rainbowed to right and Pat
winged the ball into the plate so fas,
that Turner. who was on third. did
not take a chance on the throw. Then
Old Man Collins spilled the beans with
a one'cushion drive TO the left gar
den. A wild scene then ensued. The
pill was heaved around promiscously
and after everybody had beer retired
The score board registered. two large
runs. The Pretzels we're unable e