The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1913-10-23

cTutcHs pay Jur. OclenClSJ ali our
shoe-striug earnings for grating
purpose thereby proving that we
are live ones;" supposing. / say.
that we blindly espouse the leg |
which the doctor recommends, what
then? Is it not probable that, on
better acquaintance, we shall dis
cover that it is the legof some former
dancer? Or is it not 80 that we may
find it to be the leg of some past
globe trotter? And may we not, al
so, my dear cripps." be sadly dis
appointed if we should learn, on
close inspection. that it is only some
late scalawag of boot-legger's leg?
What a dreadful handicap If, as
in the first evil suggested, we should
| find our self coupled to dancing leg.
what are we going to do in church?
Is it not fact that that leg will be-
gin cavorting in some oriental dance
the very moment it feels the contact
of the theatrical atmosphere? AsI
we cannot remain in church. suppose
we return home; suppose our dear
mnther-in-law is very ill; suppose
that dancing leg begins again, is 1t
not the wisdom of all good husbands
to expect that we will receive the
weightof frying pan on our moo
ile," and the wrath of our better half
admonlshing us to become less blithe-
some in the presence of mourning!
And then, on the other hand the
other leg. rather, the leg of the globe
troiter. If We should, unhappily,
find that we possess such leg, what
are we going to do when the rent
comes due? Who is going to guaran-
tee-my legless constituents, | appeal
to you--who is going to guarantee
that speedy leg like that of globe
trotter may not have us down to the
landlords Office, paying the rent long
before it is due?
Verify, men. such a thing should
not be! We must not allow our
selves to be hooked up to leg like
that of the globe trotter! Why
should we hurry about paying the
rent, anyway? Let the landlord
wait! A little Job-like experience
on his part is far more worth while
than that we should be compelled to
speed along through life on the leg
of defuDct globe trotter. Besides.
a leg of that kind has many other
disadvantages; such as trottiDg us
home to the bosom of our wives and
convalescent mother-in laws ere the
clanking of the last owl car is an
swered by the wakeful chanticleer;
such as trotting us down Ger the
dewy commons to the SOAP factory
long before the blowing of whistle;
(wEo wants to be at the factory
when the whistle blows?) such as
trotting us right on around the COR
ner without even letting us stop to
set 'em up. And, worse still, what
if this trotting leg should finally
prove that the doctor had faxed it
up out of the leg of a trotting horse?
Is it not possible to do such thing?
Didn't DR.. Cook fake up the north
pole? And as matter of figures,
and distance, would faxed up trot-
ting leg be any more "far-fetched"
than faxed up geographical discov-
cry? Is it to be assumed that, be-
cause we have horse sense, we de-
sire. also, these trotting legs? If so,
then let them assume! We will not
have them!
Moreover, legs of the trottlng
breed invariably need Announcements
in the form of hobbies. There
for, let us forswear these trotting
legs, to the end that the doctor. may
graft them on to those who are al
ready abundantly supplied with the
necessary hobbies.
But that isn't the end of it.
There is yet to be considered the
dismal chances of our being con-
nected with the aforementioned
bootlegger's leg. Truely my dear
cripps,'' we must avoid such an
evil. What are we going to do with
a bootlegger's leg in the event we
are walking down. the street with
the Woman's Christian Temperance
Union and that bootlegging leg in
sists on Logging down some dark al
ley? What are we going to do, l
say, if that bootlegging leg contin-
ues to lag around that alley until it
Is incased in twenty-seven bottles of