davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15
QUAKER sfEDrTATToNs.'
[From the Philadelphia Record.

From the Philadelphia Record.
Faint heart meier won fair lady, nor
brunette either.
When a woman expresses a wish, the
charges are seldom prepaid.
If a man doesn't want to be spoiled
by success. let him get a job with the
weather bureau.
Many a girl thinks a fellow is a man
after her own heart when he is really
after her money. ,,
little time to stop and pick posies by the
wayside.
Wigg-"Styles change, even in church
music Wagg-Yes, even the occasional
is said to be going out"
Biobbs-'Guzzler1 says he feels like
king" Slobbs-.sYes, but he acts like the
deuce"
None of us are perfect. Even mule
can learn something about kicking from
man.
TIE hand that racks the cradle isn't the
one that rocks the boat in the sea OF
matrimoney.
Some of us don't really forget our prom
Uses We just brush them up and use
them over again.
do you break these sets?'' asked the
shopper in the chinaware department
Mo- replied the polite salesman but
If YOU keep a servant girl she will prob
ably do it for YOU
Blobbs-.sYes, took her out to supper,
and the bill came to S14.SO." Slobbs-''Why,
she told me she didn't eat any more than
a bird. Blobbs-.sWell, an ostrich is a
bird, you know.
The ship was sinking. A terrible panic
was imminent. What shall We dor
cried the horror-stricken passengers.
send for the barber, remarked the pro-
fessional humorist with an insane chuckle.
Hes the only man on board who can
razor With justifiable rage they hurled
him into the angry sea-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15
MAKING GOOD ROADS.

There is much talking done in Kan
sas on the subject of good roads, but
the amount of work and the money
spent in the cause is small when COM
pared with that in some other states
This may be accounted for in part
by the fact that so many Kansas
roads are naturally so good that they
require but slight expenditure in work
and money.
The total expenditures in road con-
struction in twenty-nine of the states
of this country and in the District of
Columbia last year were $62, 691 ,429. The
other states, from which figures were
not obtainable, either have no organ
lied road departments, no system of ac-
counts disclosing the figures, or are
still in an experimental stage.
1t appears from an article in The
Automobile that New York last year
spent more money than any other
state in the Union,'' the sum for the
year having been about $4,000, 900. More
than 1900 miles of new road were built
and more than 10000 miles "were
shaped, crowned, and standardized as
to width OF the $4,000 miles of roads
in this state. II, 900 are classed as i'm
proved roads,"
The figures for Kansas follow: There
are 5000 miles of highway in the state,
of which but $50 miles are improved.
The remaining $1,000 are principally
dirt In the construction of new roads and
maintenance of the old the state spent
81 975, 900. The total of miles of i'm
proved highway, does not include the
improved dirt roads, which comprize
the majority of those listed. The state
spent about $50 per mile of road, which
would indicate that very little work was
done through vast sections of the state,
and that it was possible to do what re-
pairing was necessary at a very low
figure on account of the great mileage
of the dirt roads.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15
says UNCLE CIV

1 got my first real life on this futurist
craze the other day.
You talk like cubist,' said the city
editor.
"Huh?" grunted the sob sister,"
Yes, you do" went on the terror of
the local room. land don't say 1T IS a
compliment The cubist is just about
your size. He paints papa and mama and
then covers EN- up with a slather of
baby's blocks, and tells the janitor it
rent"
II don't get you" said the sob sister.
That's the point said the city editor.
And reckon it is.
About every So, often some coterie of
artists or professional persons get too far
away from the good red earth. They
lose the tang of natural things They be
gin to crave stimulants rather than food.
They worship the exotic and defy the
bizarre. They lose their sense of per-
spective and go mad.
1t is sense of perspective that keeps us
sane No man is sane without it and no
insane man has it. To keep it you have
to stay close to the ground. keep your
eyes and ears attuned to natural things.
The moment you get off the ground you
lose your way in a maze of fevered imag-
inings-you live in a sort of super-heated,
rarified mental atmosphere-and that's
another good working definition of mad
ness.
You go mad and become a futurfst or
something equally insane. The chief in
terest in the art of the cubist is patho-
logical The futurist is not So much in
Il6ed Oh d CTllIC dS d QldSnOSIlcldn- he
is suffering from disease rather than
manifesting genius, and it is a disease
that they know a good deal about at the
insane asylum. A layman's diagnosis
would be some special sort of paranoia
which exhibits itself in violent lines and
a delusion that one is above criticism
Once upon a time We had futurist back
in Puckyhuddle- We didn't know 1t at
the time. and it may be just well that
we didn't He went the cubist one bet
ter He daubed the back of the barn with
yellow clay, decorated it with SplOtcheS
of red paint purloined from the farm
workshop and topped the job off with
little blue ink before calling his father
to show him a picture of heaven The
father summoned old Doc Houser.
What do you think, doe?" asked the
anxious parent.
Ibid that boy say this was a picture of
heaven" asked doc, dazedly.
He did"
''well. you'd better have him locked up
before he takes that barn for hades and
sets it on fire.
The old man took docs advice Itsis
Just possible that lunacy commission
will get these futurists yet.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.l

lFrom the Chicago News.l
Starvation furnishes us food for Thought
And the love of evil is the root of a
lot of money.
No class of people have more COMPETE
ton than liars.
wisdom consists chiefly in the judicfous
use of the blue pencil.
Work might be more to our liking If
we didn't have to do it.
Deaf mutes must be a noisy lot IL ac-
lions speak louder than words.
It's easy for doctor to make a living
II he can keep his patients scared
If at first some women don't succeed
they secure a divorce and try again.
Only the brave deserve the fair. but lots
of timid men are landed just the same.
When meek man speaks to another
on the street he mods up instead of down.
Nothing jolts young widow like hav-
ing man attempt to kiss her and bungle
the job.
If love is blind, it's up to the girl in
the case to lead the infatuated young man
up to the question point.
Every man may have his price, but
some woman is sure to come along and
make him feel as cheap as bargain
counter remnant
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15
The Presidents Patronage.

The patronage of the president is not
as large as most people presume In
the civil branch of the government
there are less than II, 900 people directly
and nearly 10000 of these are post
masters of the first, second and third
classes. While he has the power to re-
move practically every one of the more
than 100000 employees in the executive
service, his appointing power is limited
to less than IL 900 offices.
1t affects, about $50 people under the
state department practically all of
these being in the diplomatic and con-
sular service; some $50 in the treasury
department, the majority of them COL
lectors of customs and Ither public Of
ficials; some 400 in the department of
justice, the majority of them being
United States district attorneys mar
sha1s and the like He has only about
a dozen people to appoint in the navy
department, 275 in the interior depart
ment about a half dozen in the depart
ment of agriculture, and less than so in
the department of commerce and labor.
He also has the power of appointing
members of many of the big commits
sions. the librarian of congress, the
public printer and a number of other
important officers.
All of these appointments can be
made only with the advice and con-
sent of the senate. In addition to
these there are approximately thou
sand positions, the majority of them of
minor importance, which he fills with
out the confirmation of the senate.
The change of administration does
not represent such a general shaking
up among the several departments of
the government as it did even 16 years
ago, and is totally different from the
changes which occurred in the flowery
days of the spoils system. The civil
service commission is regarded as SUI
preme in the appointment of more than
three-fourths of the people in the en-
ploy of the government, and of the re-
manning positions a large proportion
are simply unskilled labor jobs, which
are never affected by changes of adj
ministration.
The treasury department, for in
stance had at a recent date 27,S79 en-
pIoyees ON its rolls, and out of these
q, 093 were under civil service rules.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

HELPING HuMANIrY.

Far be IL from us to accept the o. Z.
theory that a mysterious Providence is
levee should have been built higher and
stronger; mans error. Nor do we accept
the teaching that the tornado is intended
depiorable, and usually offer a logical
explanation which helps mankind to avoid
them to some extent in future. but we
refuse to regard them as any part of
kindly Creators general plan for uplift
work.
StiIl. after the first great shock. It Is
not difficult to think better of humanity
after such catastrophes. Peace has its
heroes as well as war. The late Major
Archibald Butt was something of tin
to wear gold braid and other decora-
tons, and shine in Washington society.
Yet the annals of battlefields boast no
finer example of fortitude than the man
ner in which he went to his death with
the Titanic; kindly. helpful gentleman
unafraid.
And as there were many others there
like him, from statesmen to stokers, so
in all these other colossal calamities which
of human life, are heroes who rise might
lily to the occasion. helping weaker ones
to safety, or. that failing, showing how
a man should die when it comes to that
suddenly.
But as fine and more general than These
special instances of daring or dying, Is
the general tendency of the great, and
sometimes thoughtless. outside world to
help the stricken sufferers. No great need
within the range of human assistance but
meets with prompt and liberal response
in money, clothing, rations, and the time
needed to deliver and distribute these
necessities. 1t is little enough TO DO, OF
course; sometimes the most that can be
done land always the least that should be
But it proves again what sometimes some
forget: that humanity is pretty decent.
and generous and kindly, after all, and
anxious to help each other when help Is
most needed.-Atchison Globe.
ENGLISH CIVIL WAR. =.
The house of commons may as well
make graceful surrender to the sur
fragettes. Women who want to vote
going to be denied that right for any
Considerable length of time. Mrs. Pank-
hurst and her associates are using heroic
methods and they are methods that the
men of England cannot long resist
1t is all very well to say that the votes
for women campaign is unladylike ana
undignified. The women OF England are
not asking for social right put Tor the
ment that makes the laws to whlcn they
are expected to conform. They pedtioned
respectfully for many years and made
no impression on the conservative Brit
isb mind They have now gone to war
lust as men and women have gone 10
war in every age of the world to secure
rights necessary to their liberty ana hap
pinesS.
Mrs. Pankhurst has been sent to prison
for three years but no jail in England
is strong enough to hold her Tor that long:
She refuses to eat and no government
will dare to accept responsibility Tor her
death lust because she wants to vote
and is brave enough to fight and II neces-
sary to die in order to get what she
wants of herself and her sunrasette as
Sociates- -, -
The British government should surren-
der TO the women while the surrendering
is good.-Salina Union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15
.AYHAWKER JOTy

The question now is: Who is put
ting the 'souse'' in the cider?
The Boss is not yet eliminated from
politics. He is occupying the position
OF county attorney down in Cherokee.
Ottawa is agitating the question of
street railway for the town. Does
this mean that the people are growing
rich and lazy?
In order to reduce the high cost of
living Blue Mound girls are planning
to make one hammock do for two per-
sons this summer.
A miner at Girard had not time to
get married, SO he sent his brother
with the bride-elect, to the probate
judge, to act in his place.
A Chapman man has just died as
the result of a fight he had with a
rooster 80 years ago. A scratch on his
hand developed into cancer.
Mr.. Pszyblowicz was defeated for
member of the city council at the re-
cent election in Leavenworth. Prob
ably he was a victim of the simplified
spelling craze.
c. H. Gable of Ottawa has been en-
ployed by the Portuguese government
to go to the Madeira Islands to help
the fruit growers. He is a professional
entomologist and horticulturist.
The annual spring meeting of the
Third District Republican Publishers
association will be held at Cherryvale
saturday. May II. There will be an
afternoon and evening session, with a
banquet at the evening session.
From fund of wisdom gathered
from observation and possibly expert
ence, Conner Davies evolves the follow
1ngs: "A Wichita man committed sui
eide because he had been BETRAYED by
woman he loved. He should have
told his troubles to an older and
more experienced man, who would
have advised him to defer the suicide
for thirty days, when he would be
over 1t and ready to be betrayed by
some other girl
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15
a SONG or CoRN

p.
Though other products of the soil
Are very good to eat;
And fruit is pleasing to the taste,
ssAnd SO are fish and meat;
There's nothing since the world began,
Of seed or tuber born,
That nouriSheS the human race
So perfectly as corn.
The breakfast muffin amber brown,
The pudding in the pot,
Cornbread that makes the butter melt,
1t is so piping hot;
The hoe-cake of the sunny South,
What epicure could scorn
Such simple, tempting dainties made
OF good and wholesome corn.
There's health in every yellow grain,
There's magic in the meal.
It builds our jaded muscles up
And makes them strong steel;
Each kernel gamers up the gold
And fragrance of the morn,
So let US all take Off our hats
To every field of corn.
-Minna Irving, in Leslie's.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15
FROM OTHER PENS

A BREATH OF KANSAS POLITICS.
Governor Hodges of Kansas has
stuffed a newspaper editor into pref
ty nearly every appointive vacancy in
the Sunflower menage. Anticipating
criticism for what seems to be class
favoritism, the governor has gotten
his explanation into print first. He
says that the newspaper editor is pre-
eminently qualified for public office
because he knows public sentiment so
intimately. Nobody, remarks the gov
ernor, can possibly know so much
about what people are thinking as
the newspaper editor unless he en-
joys the same advantages as the edi-
tor. Which merely brings out from
it's modest hiding place the revered
truism that only an editor can be as
wise as an editor.
We don't intend to bubble about
this. The fact is Governor Hodges
is quite right. True, he may be mis-
understood. He may even be excori-
ated, as they say in Kansas. Many
an aspirant whose hopes for office
have been buried in the alfalfa may
seize upon the trusty pen, which is
found in every Kansas household, and
proceed to flay the governor merci-
lessly. Yet right here an interesting
point inserts itself. How are the dis
appointed to get their critiuues be-
erary labors of Justice" "Vox Popu-
ill., Fair Play and "Old Subscriber
if the avenues of publicity are
choked?
OF course those avenues are not ut
terly barricaded. but they are fairly
we'll impeded. And the few editors in
Kansas who haven't been appointed
will hesitate to lend their columns to
the disgruntled laity for the purpose
of flashing their fortunate brothers.
The suspicion might spread, especially
IL helped along a little, that the nom
de plume was merely subterfuge re-
sorted to by the editor for anony-
mously venting his personal spleen.
In fact, the more this executive
coup is studied the clearer 1t becomes
that the governor of Kansas is not
only an excellent judge of the fitness
of men for public service, but knows
thing or two about the strategy of
politics as well. He has got the press
of Kansas on his staff which means
that the valleys shall ring with his
praise and the prairies reverberate. 1t
is bush-league prophet who cannot
see the name Hodges written big
across the future of our nations ex-
perlmental station.-St. Louis Re-
public.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

In looking over the tariff bill the
Boston Globe finds that phenolphtha-
1ein binitrobenzol, benzaldehyde. nitro
toluol and Observation-Disclosures arc
dutiable. but cheers the ultimate con-
sumner with the information that apa-
tite, asafetida, balm of Gilea7 bones.
cudbear. divi-divi, dragons blood, fos-
sis, joss sticks, old junk. lava, Ieeches,
mama, pulu, skeletons and spunk have
been put on the free list
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

The proposal of the Underwood bill
TO tax incomes at their source will
obyiate most of the difficulties hither-
to experienced in collecting similar
taxes. Corporations will take the tax
out before paying dividends. and if
their financial condition warrants they
may take it out of the surplus and
not reduce the dividend. Employers
will deduct the tax from the salaries
they pay. Opportunities of evasion and
temptations to misrepresentation will
be greatly reduced.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15
ON ZEE SPUR
OF THE MOMENT
BY ROY X MOrrTr0N
Poor Old Maids.
By ROY X. MOULToN.

POOR Old Maids.
She was many years in college -,
And acquired lot of KNOWLEDGE,
On the ologies and isms she is strong.
She just dotes on reading Ibsen
And she loves Charles Dana Gibson:
On theosophy and ethics she is
strong.
But she can't bake a cake
Like her mother used to make
Nor a pie, we are very much afraid
And she can't mend a skirt,
Sew button on a shirt,
So she's only just a poor old maid
She has got a lot oe scholars
And is earning her own dollars
And she's living in a coy little flat
Does she have to beg each penny
From a husband? Well not any:
She's no family to care for but a cat
And she doesn't have to bake
Any bread or pie or cake
Or wash or iron, rake or hoe or spade
Like her mother used to do
All the live long summer through
So she's glad she's just a poor old
maid.
From the Hickeyville Clarion.
Mrs. Lemue1 Higgins was disap-
pointed in love about forty years ago.
shortly after she married Lem and her
husbands disappointment was equally
keen. Mrs Lem is now one of the
prominent members of our sewin' cir
Gle and she can scent a scandal in a
family three years before it happens
Some women are so burned religious
that they can't bear to see anybody
else happy.
A Teller kin be fool once or twice
without hurtin' him much, but there
amt any hope fer a Teller who makes
a practice of it, year in and year out
The three best things in this world
to be out Of is politics, Jail and debt
The most humorous thing in the
world is human nature and there is
goin' to be enough human
nature floating around to make life
worth Twin.
BY the time a Teller has learned
what all of the French items on a
cafe bill of fare mean he has spent
all of his money and has to eat at a
restaurant.
1t is purity well nigh impossible to do
anything fer Teller who believes in
failure.
The Teller who wastes 50 worth of
time, trying to save cents never be-
comes a great captain of industry.
Nowadays when a feller's family has
beefsteak for dinner the neighbors be-
gin to look wise and inquire where
he got his money.
we zee a want al In the paper:
Wanted, steady position by man who
horses This is the first
time we ever knowed that horses could
talk.
According to Uncle Abner.
It will soon be time for Mr.. Taft to
March 4th.
Lem Higgins says he nearly died of |
once when he was a |
young man, but the governors pardon
arrived just in time.
There never was SO many good life |
long Democrats in this country as !
there are at the present time.
There will never be a shortage in |
the croy of funny looking derbies.
There are still a few old fashioned |
fellers who try to make both ends |
meet
woman cares more about the |
price of lace curtains than she does
about the price of beefsteak or coal
A convict out in Minnesota has be-
come a poet. In other words he has
gone from bad to verse
Whisky will never harm you if you
1on't swallow it.
1t begins to look as if the shiny |
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

Spring has hardly started before signs
of the summer season begin to ap-
pear. A Maine fisherman has hooked
a 15-pound salmon and a New York
baby falls three stories into a. clothes
haskell
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

The new secretary of the navy evil
IDENTIFY doesn't care what happens to
the important sea warriors who have
for years been saving the nation by
desk work in Washington. He has or
dered some of them to go to sea re-
CARELESS of the fact that it will prob
ably make some of them sick.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

With the Enthusiastically question
on his hands, the president has found
out something about the trouble the
baseball manager has in keeping the
pitchers box supplied with the proper
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

1t seems as though somebody must
have thrown a monkey wrench into the
works of the system in New York.
A coal dealer was held up and robbed
there recently.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

Mr.. Marshall has tackled job which
is likely to keep him busy. He is try
ing to prevent the country from for
getting that it has a vice president
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

Evidently Assistant Secretary of
State Wilson, who has resigned, came
to the conclusion that there was too
much Wilson in Washington.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

In the interior department. there were
1922, of whom 13 1913 were under civil
service rules. The department of COM
merce and labor had 1883 employees,
of whom 1877 were under che civil
service.-Everybody's
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

In the dispatches sent out from
Washington concerning President VIII
sons speech to the congress there was
no mention of an encore
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

Reports from Panama indicate that
rounding the horn will soon be a
performance known only to history.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The state Journal is a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
Ranization for the exclusive AFTERNOON
publication I'm Topeka
The news is received I'm The state Jour
mai building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

1t is well to reflect that if the motor
cycles did not kill and injure so many
of their riders there would be more
motorcyclists
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

No first-class constitutional mon
archy can keep house without an oc.
casional war scare to make the army
and navy tax bills go down.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1913-04-15

If the railroads are compelled to stop
hauling liquor into Kansas the thirsty
may be forced to restore the old pony