South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1913-07-01
STATESMEN REAL
AND NEAR
b. FRED C. KELLY.

WASHINGTON july lit was not
until he was part way through his
first term in congress that young Mr..
Simply A. w. Lafferty. of Oregon,
discovered that he had overlooked a
bet He got the impression when he
first came TO Washington that ones
photographed sketch in the Con-
gressional Record should be short.
Most of the sketches occupy only ten
or fifteen lines each, and Lafferty took
it for granted that that was about the
limit True. he noticed that Sen.
du Pont Of Delaware occupies about a
page, with his lists Of battles he has
been in, but that, Lafferty supposed
was simply the one glazing exception
that proved the rule. So he limited
himself TO the conventional ten lines
when he wrote himself up.
Some time after the book had gone
20 press. Lafferty learned of his mis-
take. X IS not necessary to limit
ones self to a mere handful of bio
graphical data. One is permitted TO
go right ahead and tell the whole
truth. Oh, of course, there is a limit;
ii wouldn't do to write so much that
the directory would have to be printed
in two Volumes like a Dumas novel;;
bat unless one writes too absurdly
much stuff, it goes in. The story is
that Chauncey NJ. Depew, when he
came to the United States senate, turn
ed in biography of Ga typewrit-
ten pages, which would amount TO
something like twenty columns in a
newspaper. That, it was decreed, was,
too much-much too much, and Sen.
Depew was asked to leave out men
ton of some of the things he had
been, and hold the directory down
TO something like its usual size. But
all this is getting away from young
Mr.. Simply A. w. Lafferty, who is the
subject of this that we're writing.
The more Lafferty thought about
the meager little ten biographical
lines he had written, the more out of
patience he became with himself. He
had given himself a bare compliment
airy mention when just as well as not
he could have had something long
enough for an obituary. However.
he did not let the oversight prey on
his mind. He waited until the next
directory was being made up and then
he got even. Today he occupies al
most a page in the directory with the
second longest write-up in the book,
and he spares himself not. His en-
tire life is laid bare, right down to
the little details. For instance. he
says: Full name is Abraham Walter
Lafferty, but has always been called
Walter. and signs his name A. w.
Lafferty."
However, Lafferty isn't bad sort
at that.
On busy days when Speaker Clark
gets tired of sticking at his post, he
| 70 a N
lets him be speaker for little while
One of the men most often chosen
for the honor is Rep. FINS Garrett OF
Tennessee. Observant members noted
from time to time that the moment
Garrett got in the chair he began to
beckon 10 other members and hold
little whispered conferences with
them. AS Speaker Clark rarely calls
men up in front that way, there was
a good deal of wondering what the
important thing could be that Garrett
was always having on his mind when
the honor of presiding fell to him.
A quiet investigation was started.
Men who had been seen holding con-
ferences with Garrett up in front
were cautiously crOss-eXamined. And
il turned out that they weren't con-
ferences at all. But Garrett is al
ways thinking of funny stories and
when he thinks Of one he just has 70
tell il. He sits there in the speaker :
chair and he sees some member who
would appreciate the particular story
he has in mind. What more natural
than 10 call the member up and tell
the story. Then another story occurs
10 Garrett and he looks over the
house unul he sees the man who
would appreciate il. Before telling
il Garrett cautions his man not 10
laugh. no matter how funny il may be,
as that would tip off the frivolous
nature of the conversation. 1t was
the solemn looks OF the story-teller
and the victim that fooled the house.
George F. Burba. the writer. who
is secretary 10 the governor OF Ohio,
used 10 have a funny hobby. IL was
promoting eXtemporaneous Nights
Down in his native town OF HOdgkins-
vile, KY. which was also the birth
place of Abraham Lincoln, Burba was
foreman OF a little newspaper. When
ever he had little time TO spare he
would call somebody in off the street
and hide him under a big dry goods
box that served as a table in the Of
fee.
Just keep perfectly quiet, Burba