davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
The Wurra Wurra Club

It was late when the proceedings started, as most of the members were at the Garfield, reeking in at the windows, loungIng about the lobby and slowed away in the hall and dining room annex, inspecting the bald-heads of the Bald Head Club of America in action, and 1t was after midnight when the faithful sexton of the Club, MT. $. Bubbling Strong, estimated that there was a quorum present, and called the meeting to order. He announced that the presi- dent, Mir. Fl. B. Ives, would not be pres ent, as he had other fish to fry, over at the Garfield, where he was just then busily engaged in interpreting the Greek participles on the bill-of.fare for Dr. Ross, who swore he wouldn't eat a tooth full of "au gratin" or "haricot verts" or "croutons" until he had seen the pure food label on the original packages, un less somebody in whom he had implicit confidence first tasted and vouched for them. Mir. Strong said President Ives probably wouldn't get through convinc- ing Ross in time to conduct the meeting, so he (Strong,) would conduct it, him self. He requested Fred Collin to sing the Opening Ode, but Mir. Dempsey re- ported that Mir. Collin was at the Can field dining room watching Dad Barber draw a picture of "Pa" CorLin, and wouldn't budge until Dad put his pencil in his pocket. The Opening Ode was sung by Sam Camp, who had just come in and reported that Sam Herman wasn't doing a thing to the toastmaster, in the Garfield dining room. The faithful sex ton, Mir. Strong then said the minutes of the previous meeting would be read by Deputy Sheriff Rhoades. But the sheriff failed to respond and messenger was despatched to the Garfield dining room, where he found that functionary with his hands crossed alhwart his manly stomach, leaning back and smiling audi bly, at Phil Troup's vicious lambasting of the aforesaid toastmaster. The minutes of the previous meeting went without reading. The faithful sexton, Mir. Strong, asked if any member would make motion of some kind.
 Allyn Fuller got up and moved that the meeting adjourn to the Garfield din- ing room, where it might be possible to transact some business. The motion was not seconded.
 Mir. Farnum proposed that a commit tee be appointed to draw up a constitu- tion and bylaws for the organization a Club of Men with Hair. He thought such an organization would "go," as hairy men seemed to be rare in these days. The motion was unanimously passed, and the faithful sexton, Mir. Strong, appointed Mir. Farnum, MT. Ned Roberts and Mir. Louis ]. Streck as such committee, with power to summon wit nesses.
 As it was impossible to get anybody else to offer a motion or start anything, the faithful sexton, Mir. Strong, declared the meeting adjourned sine die, and the members all went back to the Garfield dining room.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
What the Other Fellows Say.

Judge Williams has taken step in the right direction by sentencing Alden N. Reynolds to three months iT jail for care less driving of an automobile that cost a life. The stern continuance of the policy of iail sentences for men clearly guilty of carelessness will give the pedestrian at least an even break for his life. Fines merely make a trayesty of justice.- Waterbury Republican.
 Danbury has recently pulled off what was once considered an impossibility namely, speeches. town meeting-the first within the memory of the oldest in habitants At last "the hat town" wears its "thinking cap. ."-Ansonia Sentinel.
 The captain of that oil tank steamship which quieted the troublous waters about the burning Volturno might work won- ders with Bridgeport's Democratic party affairs if he steamed into the harbor and shot two or three well-directed streams upon the tempestuous political seas here. Bridgeport Standard.
 The MerIden Journal can't understand why it is, if Argentine beef is four cents cheaper than the home grown product, that the dealers should ask four cents more for it.-Rockvilie Journal.
 The plight is so pitifu of the. office seekers that have been hanging around Washington, that they should be given jobs running some of the new aeroplanes the war department has called for.- Hartford Post.
 Dogma that "dresses are immodest but trousers are not" depends for it's verifica- ton entirely on what we are accustomed to. In Constantinople, at least, until very recently, an unveiled feminine face was immodest while the yelled woman with baggy trousers was beyond re- proach. Convention is mighty in mat ters of dress. s.-New HavenUnion.
 For one thing we must all be grateful to Governor FOss. He's in fair way to enlighten our ignorance on the question of whether it is as easy to get an excess quantity of pie as it is a third cup of coffee.-Hartford Times.
 Some false teeth have been found in a Plunkett street hen yard. A rather re- markable thing considering the prover- bial scarcity of hen teeth.-Pittsfeld Eagle,
 The college professors are arguing in New Jersey whether highway signs should read "Go slow," or "Go slowly" Probably the motorists pass the signs too rapidly to tell which form is used. - Bridgeport Farmer.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
Awoman's Marvellous Peach Tree.

Mattapan residents believe that the peach tree in the yard of Mrs. Warren Dixon of 290 Ormond street, who rais- ed the tree from siclxly shrub that a neighbor had thrown away, is perhaps the finest tree of it's kind in New England says the Boston Journal.
 It is now in it's sixth year, and is still bearing heavily. Two weeks ago three bushels of the fruit had to be picked to prevent the tree from being overburtlen- ed.
 Mrs. Dixon said yesterday that her neighbor had despaired of making any thing out of the shrub that was discard ed, and had expressed doubts that Mrs. Dixon would succeed with it. Mrs. Dixon took up the challenge.
 The tree is now bent over almost to the ground by the weight of it's fruit. and when the peaches were picked two weeks ago it was fouud that the trunk had been cracked by its burden. If the tree eau withstand the weight of the peaches until they are ripe, they will be at least two and half inches Tn diame- ter.
 Mrs. Dixon says that she has watered the tree plentifully, but ascrIbes her fortune with 1t chiefly tn good luck. She plaus to send photograph of the tree to the Panama Pacific exposition.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
Letters From the People
Sister Parsons, Admonition.

To the Editor of The News:
 Have heard about the banquet of the men that had mo wool on the top of the head" where the hair ought to grow, as old Uncle black Tom used to sing. There were unmarried men there, as we'll as those that had no hair at all. But MT. Editor, what 1 wish to say is, we were glad to hear that at this feast of good things there was nothing that would send a man to his home drunk. It is this drink they indulge in that to some is a great drawback. It should be taken into consideration that where all classes meet there will be some that at such times will be overcome. A young man came up here to Winsted the other day and was so tempted that he got to drinking, when he had been sober a long time. "Cut It out" for the sake of others. Any banquet will be much better without it. We will welcoms you to Winsted in 1914. Come and have a good time. Yours for banquet with. out rum. M. A. Parsons.
 Winsted, Oct. 20.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
Not The Same.

Miss Annette Kellermann, the fair swimming champion. was showing a young millionaire, in the sparkling waters off Long Island,a few new strokes.
 The young millionaire was not very apt pupil. He numbered along, with a good deal of splash. but not much speed. and after swimming 20 or 30 yards he puffed like grampus.
 Miss Kellermann, in her pretty bath ing suit, took him to task.
 You don't breaGhe right" she said. "If you did, 1t wouldn't tire you so. AS to the upper part of your body, you use exactly the same muscles--you use ex. actly the same muscles, remember-ln swimming as in saving wood"
 "Oh. no, I don't" said the young man. "Oh, no Believe me, Miss Kel- lermann. when it comes to saving wood I use the muscles of some other chap"
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
Where the Laugh Comes In

! Laugh und the world will roar Howl, und the world will leaf you, Undt nefer come back any more; For all of us couldn't peen handsome, Nor all of us year goot clothes But shmile was not extensive, Undt covers a world of woes.
 Brains. "Everybody's doing it." and some are overdoing it.-Life.
 Employer--"You may have a two. weeks vacation. with full pay. Jimmie.' D Office boy-"Thanks' sir. Where's a good fashionable place to go and spend $6 ?"-Puck.
 II believe in calling a spade a spade, ' declared the stranger
 Ut is dangerous to call one card a card of any other suit. if you sit i'll gan @ around here," warned the native.-Buf- falo Express.
 A recruit with flute on review Blew his tooter "Toot-toot l, at 2:02 l;
 Then new substitute
 With flute followed suit, And he footed toot or two. too
 Boston Post. Johnny-"Tommy Browns mother makes him go to Sunday School" Mamma-"Why do you say she makes him go?"
 Johnny-"Because he goes-doesn't that prove it ?"-Puck.
 ''Ah I'm glad to get this sonnet l'' exclaimed the editor.
 "Has it any merit ?" asked his assist ant.
 Not at all; but a stamp was just what needed. The poet sends o.''- Birmingham Age Herald
 "Is anybody waiting on you. madam ?'' Yes, sir," retorted the middle aged matron, fiercely. "I reckon they're waitin' to see if 1 won't go away with out stayin' for the three-pence halfpenny in change that's owing to me. Tit Bits. "I understand your daughter is going to marry title"
 "Yes," replied Mr. Cumrox. "You seem rather gloomy about it.'' Well, every joy has it's shadow of sor- row. l have a favorite horse named Prince and favorite dog named Duke. don't know which I'll have to get rid of to avoid confusion in the family. ''- Washington Star.
 Tramp-"Spare copper, sir" Pedestrian-"Certaln not you know fortune knocks at every mans door," Tramp-"I know. sir. When e knocked 1 was out and ever since 'e's sent his daughter"
 PeGestrian-"H daughter ?'' Tramp-"Mls(s Fortune, sir r'-Ex- change.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
Ignorance.

The Red Sox were playing Washing ton at Fenwick Park This Speaker knocked out long fly that fell between right field and centre.
 Danny Moeller went after 1t, crying out for the guidance of Milan in centre:
 II have it have it!"
 As soon as Moeller had caught the fly dlsgusted fan remarked:
 That guy don't even know his own language. What he should have said is: I've got it. I suppose he's some gink that's trying to make out he's been to college"
 As a matter of fact Moeller not only went to college, but graduated.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
A Quaint Conceft.

Matthew Arnold's olympian manner was not intended to be taken seriously. When the poets air wns most Olympian, his clear eye had it's very kindliest twinkle"
 The speaker was Mrs Caroline Earle White, the Philadelphia woman who founded the American anti.viviseo- tion movement
 My friend Stephen Coleridge, the English anti. i.vivisection, she said con. tinued entertained Arnold often. The poet was great friend of little Johnnie Coleridge, an urohin of four. The poet pretended to Johnnie and actually made hlm believe that he was the little boys horse.
 "He kept up this joke for several years. In fact Matthew Arnold often sent the Youngster books of fairy tales with the inscription"
 {" Johnnie Coleridge, from his af- fectionate horse. e."-Philadelphia Publio Ledger.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
NORTH CANAAN HAS

A population of 2,171, Census of 1910) Two railroaus.
 National and Savings Banks. Trolley railroad extending through the Berkshires to Pttsfeld and beyond. Up-to-date High School and first-class school system.
 Five churches.
 First-class hotel.
 Fire department. including chemical en- zine.
 Ten miles of State Roads. Electric light and power plant, Complete Sewer System. Never-failing water supply and the best water in the state.
 Wide-awake Business Mems Association. Extensive lime and iron industries. Fraternal and benefit societies. Brass band.
 Up-to-date department stores Pure air and wholesome climate.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
The TIght-Skirt Crisis.

You've a very narrow skirt,
 Little girl. Are you sure it doesn't hurt,
 Little girl? That's a mincing little stride Where the street is wild and wide. Are you sure there's room inside,
 Little girl3 What will happen if you slip,
 Little girl2 Aren't you fearful It will rip,
 Little girl? You would better take sack, So if anything should crack, It would serve you coming back.
 Little girl. Does your mamma know you're out,
 Little girl? We're afraid to go about,
 Little girl. If we meet you in the sun, With your skirt SO thinly spun Why, we might all have to rnn,
 Little girl. Let the bottom out bit,
 Little girl. It is much too tight fit,
 Little girl. As the matter sadly y stands, You'll be walking on your hands, And in that event-my lands!
 Little girl. Clark w. McAdams in Kansas Cit, Star.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23

ian diatribe has for 8 basis what justi fication there is for the assumption that no member could reasonably expect any self-respecting bear to come out of the woods and eat up any little sassy villain that might poke fun at his top-knot. Here is the sole proof of the Clubs re. progression
 Among those now admitted to the erstwhile carefully guarded precincts, we note Phil Troup. who is an editor of such standing that his heirship of wis dom is undisputed, and whose raven locks curl like those of Greek god ill flying machine.
 ''The Bald-H Head Club has also admit ted Julian H. Sterling, who never goes abroad without his hair, and Lieutenant Governor Tingier. whc could by no means have proved title to admission in the good old days when a bald head had to be bald to pass the sentinel at the outer gate"
 There you have the sole ground of Editor Wilson's arraignment of the Bald. Head Club of America Let's ex- anime the separate counts in the lndict- ment. Phil Troup's raven locks curl i; so they do, but they curl around the outer circumference of an expansive patch of smooth and shiny hide on top. that shimmers and glistens beneath the electric lights of a banquet hall, as the placid surface of the Bridgeport Water Company's reservoir reflects the gleam and glimmer of the full moonshine. Phil Troup is as bald as Wilson, himself and that's going some.
 Julian H. Sterling meyer goes abroad without his hair" True; but he's as apt to carry it in his grip, or In his in. side pocket, as on his classic dome, where there is none growing. Lieuten- ant Governor Tingier. with his hat of, f, reveals his whole undulating outfit of chronological bumps. from benevolence to veneration, with only narrow fringe of auburn lace embroidered around the exact equator.
 So then, this disposes of Editor Will sons indictments. They are quashed, every solitary allegation, and this ale gator in human form stands at the ba [ of pubic opinion, stripped of his mask of malicious what-you- -callit, without a leg to curl up under him. For his per sonal thrusts we care nothing; they don't hurt particle; but when he ventures to cast reflections upon the genuineness of the organization that has become so international that the annua banquet is bidden for from New Haven to Boston, we protest, dety, re- but now we believe everything the Bridgeport Standard and the Bridgeport Post say about him, and we. are glad Jerry Donovan got the congressional nomination.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
EARTH'S MESSAGES.
BY EMMA RoDEMEYER WAIT.

The world is full of cadence,
 Like messages of love, That play upon the heart-strings
 And draw our thoughts above. The flowers and the streamlets
 The birds floating in air; The spirit of our longings,
 The vastpess everywhere, Are pregnant with a message
 That sets our hearts aglow, Until from out their fitness,
 Our lips with joy o'erfiow.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
AS AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM

The News should appeal with special force to the sagacious business man.
 It has an extensive circulation tn Western Connecticut, and especially throughout Litch- field County and Southern Be-Sshre.
 It has competent staff of wide-awake cor respondents in the various towns to report the local doings each week. and goes into the homes and is perused by the entire families of the thrifty Intelligent, reading class of people whom the long g-headed advertiser most desires to reach.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
THE EWS' AGENTS

Extra copies of The News are on sale at the offace of publication and at
 Dempsey's Drug Store, Canaan, ! Post Office, East Canaan.
 D. H, Oakes' Store, Lakeville, Post Office, Falls Village,
 George T. Johnson's Store, Norfolk, Scutt & Rood Ashley Falls.
 A. L. Dickinson. Salisbury.
 J. W. Morgan, Great Harrington, Mass.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23

Senior partner (returning from vaca- tion) brought dot ting in our store Take it oud. right away"
 Junior partner-"Vot's der matter {? Dots a new patent water cooler I bought last week."
 Senior partner (much relieved)-"Oh. Dots qvite different. thought it vas a fire egstinguisher. Puck.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23

Subscribers are requested to notify the pub sher promptly of any failure to receive papers regularly, changes of residence etc.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23

He writes poetry for hvinp." "How wonderful r
 "Yes. How wonderful that he gets his living v'-Detroit Free Press.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23

Get Together. Pull Together. That's the way to get things going i'll one direc- tion.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
WANTED

WANTED-l5,0O0 cords of lime kiln wood.
 Address, Box 202. East Canaan. Conn. BLANKETS to wash. Wool blankets and bed quilts done 10 your satisfaction Telephone f17-2. Mrs J. P. Cudney, Canaan.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23

E. P. Jones, the hustling president of the Winsted Business Mems Association, was elected second vice-president of the State Business Mems Association, at the annual convention in Meriden, last Thursday. It was 8 fitting recognition of the energetic qualities that have made the Winsted Association one of the most effective in the State. and which will do the State Assoclation a whole lot of good. MT. Jones will, logically, become president of the State Association, in 1915. His new distinc- tion has not in any degree swelled his well. shaped head, notwithstal ding he was unable to wear his hat home from the convention. some fiend ln human form having "swiped" it from the Meri- den hotel. The new president of the State Association is Frank H. Johnson, of New Britain-another. hustler and genial, popular gentleman.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
MISCELLANEOUS

AR. EATEN, opticlan n rorrlngton. 1onn.
 will be at The Garfield" hotel the first Mon day and Tuesday afternoons of each mouth if unable to call send postal. Consultation free
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23

The Winsted Citizen rises to remark {: Bald Head Club of America claims it has outgrown the hotel accommodations in towns in the extreme northwestern part of the state, so its members will come to Winsted next year for their an- nuaI banquet. Unless there is less hair pulling, this growing orga nlzation may be forced to move on New York for ade- quate accommodations"
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23

Seventy five hundred men and boys marched ill the great parade of Holy Name Societies in Hartford, Sunday, and were reviewed by Governor Bald win, Bishop Milan, Mayor Cheney and other church and state dignitaries. The Holy Name Society, which has for its object the Encouragement of profanity and blasphemy,is becoming a strong and mighty force. and all its influence is sorely needed ln these days, when ordi- nary conversation is too generally punc- tuated with curses and vile explosives that serve only to disgust every decent nearer.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23

FOR SALE-Pool room and quick lunch. aS tables with stock and fixtures. Long lease. Low rent Price SGOOo0. c. B. skelly, Can aan, Ct.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23
Cent-a-Word Advertisements
 Minimum Charge 2S Cents
FOR SALE

FOR SALE-white wyandotte and R. l. Red Pull lets, May matched, Si.00 each. Mary E. Adams, Canaan, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1913-10-23

S. R. STARK, Nurse. Canaan Telephone ib-a SURNEYOR-Farms surveyed, titles searched
 and abstracts made. Engineering of all kinds.
 w. B. Hubbard. West Cornwall, Conn.
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1913-03-22

After all, has not DR.. Friedman been
misjudged, and do not the American
people owe him an apology? He has been
charged with all manner OF selfish mo-
tives in the introduction of the tubercu-
losis serum of which he is the discoverer.
He has been called quack, a pirate and
q mercenary. Now comes the doctor who
says that he does not desire to sell his
serum for 81 ,OO0, 900 in the event it is all
be- claims for it; that if the American
physicians are satisfied with the cure I've
will leave some Of the baeilli With them
who care in the meanwhile to learn how
to use it. DR.. Friedman futher states
that he will treat rich and poor, and the
latter gratis if need be. This has the right
ring and the people will be more inclined
than ever to believe that he has really
found boon for suffering humanity
LEX.
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1913-03-22
THE JOURNAL is not responsible for
the views and opinions correspondents
appearing in its columns.
TALLuLAH La, MARCH 22nd, 1913.

The New Orleans papers report
ed that Hon. j. Marian Hamley
was an aspirant for a position in
the Custom House, which is q
mistake. Mr.. Hamley is not a
candidate for any position and he
wishes us to say that he has never
thought of such q thing nor has
he mentioned it to anyone. Mr..
Hamley says he is going to stay
right in Providence and look
after the real estate business,
which he thinks has q great future
in this section of cOuntry.-Ban-
ner Democrat.
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1913-03-22

We publish elsewhere in this
issue the proceedings of the Po-
lice Jury, and a lot of excellent
ordinances were passed by that
progressive organization.
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1913-03-22
OFFICE OF THE BOARD OF COMMISSIONERS,
FIFTH LOUISIANA LEVEE DISTRICT
Talluah La, November 18th 1917
TRESPASS NOTICE.

hereby warned timber
Carroll Madison Tensas and Concord
Board
Louis LeYee nj q
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1913-03-22


On motion the reading Of the minutes
of the previous meeting was dispensed
with.
After reading the reports of the Pres.
ident and the General Inspector, CON-
municstions from various parties in the
District were taken up and discussed by
the Board.
The matter Of drainage, being the up
permost, at this time, not only with the
people along the river front, but with
Board, il was decided that this work
would be taken up at the very earliest
moment practicable.
% motion OF Mr.. Young, seconded by
Mr.. Hamley, the following resolution
Was adopted:
Be it Resolved, by the Board ofeCom-
missioners for the Fifth Levee District,
that the sum of One Thousand Dollars
tSl, 900. OO) per year for five years be and
the same is hereby appropriated for the
Interstate Levee Association; provided,
however, that the legality is approved
BY Hon. r. q. Pleasant, Attorney Gen.
eral Of the State.
On motion of Mr.. Young, seconded by
Mr.. Hamley, the following resolution
was adopted by the Board:
Be it Resolved, That E. c. Rhodes,
President of this Board, in addition to
his other duties, is hereby appointed
~ t. 81 ofk t,xa h<la