Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1913-09-12
HINTS FOR MUeGY wEArHEE

To avoid getting hot in the sun1-
mer time you must keep perfectly
cool.
Go out for long drives in the coun-
try every evening in your touring
car. If you don't own a car, live
next to some man who does and bet
him that it can't run four miles an
hour until be gets mad and proves Il
to you.
Don't spend your money foolishly
for beer. Wait until the wagon stops
at your neighbours and then go over
and call on him.
Very good shot weather underwear
can be made out of old hammocl<s
that have been discarded. Every at
tic should contain a dozen or SO OF
these with enough material to supply
the whole family.
No gentleman can weigh more than
119 pounds In hot weather and re-
main gentleman To reduce your
weight ten pounds a day put on i've
sweaters, sealskin underclothes and
walk twenty miles a day. If YOU tire
of walking, run q while.
Don't do a stroke of work all day
long, but just sit in the shade. When
the instalment man comes with q
wagon and takes your furniture away
you can sleep in the park.
Don't worry about anything be-
cause worry makes you all the
warmer. II the cat falls into the
well, borrow water from your neigh
Dor
When everybody else fails hang
onto an eavetrough on the shady
side of the house and make noise
like an icicle.
Above all things, keep cool
90
A LAMENT
l shot an arrow into the air, it fell
in the distance, knew not where. till
neighbor said it killed his calf, and
l had to pay him six ana a half $3.50.
bought some poison 20 STAY some
rats and a neighbor swore it killed his
cats, and rather than argue across the
fence I paid him four dollars and fifty
cents (s4.50). One night / sat sailing
toy balloon, and I hoped ii would
soar until IT reached the moon, but
the candle fell out on a farmers
straw, and he said l must settle or
go to law. And that is the way with
random shot, 1t never hits the
proper spot; and a joke you spring
that you think SO smart may leave a
wound in some fellows heart.
90
ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER
Summer girls this year are clothed
in the climate and not much else.
The less clothes a woman wears.
the less they seem TO cost.
No man ever knows very much
about trouble until he buys a second
hand automobile at a bargain.
There may be many methods OF
saving money exploited by the spe-
cial writer on the newspapers, but
the only real way to save money is
not to spend it.
One of the drawbacks TO enjoying
pleasant summer is the knowledge
that lot of galoots are writing mu-
steal comedies which we must sit
through next winter.
%
A CARD OF THANKS
The thanks of the author is due to
the friends who so generously
shingled his house this week. For
some time he has had TO raise an UNI
hrelia in the front room when
shower came up while his good wife
was making her way from the cook
stove to the cupboard in a gasoline
launch. The baby Is an expert swim
mer and is very much put out over
the fact that her aquarium has been
closed up. But thanks for the shingles
and the putting ON the roof. The
lumber trust unconsciously donated
the shingles and the operation was
performed by admiring friends. Their
generosity and kindness shall never
be forgotten.