The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-08-18
H|LLES TIE ONLY
 RAY OF SUNSHINE.
Trying to Dispel Gloom in
 the Taft Camp
NOT AT ALL MODEST
But Bill Vines Is Somewhat Surprised That He Did Not Claim Ala bama and Texas While
 He Was About It
By BILL VINES


 Washington, August 17.-fspecial.)-of course, everybody admits that the ad- ministration needs cheering up. When things are breaking for a fellow like they are breaking for poor old Bill right about HOW, he needs a few cheerful and hilarious observations from some source or other in order to dispel part of the gloom.
 MT Hlles has undertaken the role of gloom dispeller to the administration; Mir Hilles is a regular little ray of sun shine he is, right from headquarters. He gracefully comes to bat in the first :nning and prognosticates as to the con- ing election with reckless disregard for anything in the world except the main object, and that is to cheer up the ad mnistration.
 As a ray of sunshine and gloom dis pcller, you have certainly got to hand it to Mr. Hilles. Every other candidate for such honors is lashed to the mast, end that's all there is to it. Rays of sunshine are at premium right now with the administration; when every day or so just for instance the cruel and unjust democratic majority rises up in it's place of business in the House and eats up a few presidential vetoes and seems to enjoy them. It is not often the democrats have had the pleasure Of taking crack at presidential vetoes, and they fairly dote over them. Just to make things as uncomfortable as possible for the President a few Roosevelt republl- cans join in with the democrats and hammer the steam out of his little vetoes and add a few more layers on said gloom.
 But right at this trying time. when everybody is kicking the administration around, and thoroughly having good time, up steps little MT. Hilles, and in dramatic terms and words. says: Hold. Having said hold in such manner as to command immediate attention, MT. Hiles then proceeds to hurl defiance at the enemies of the administration and take them into his confidence at one and the same time. He hurls defiance at them by warning them that the enemies of the administration are doomed, five or SIX l1lSI Class uOoHls, lO loSt tbe election in November, and he then con fides in them the startling intelligence that the matter Is all settled and the returns in. and then knocks them all in a heap with the figures.
 Now, who is the laugh on? While the democrats and the progressives have been taking tho carbureter and sparkling plug out of q presidential veto and anus ing themselves at the expense of the administration. MT. Hiles has calmly appropriated the electoral votes and set tied the election over three months 1n advance.
 Mir Ifilles though is too generous. He says to the democrats inasmuch as you fellows have been always our enemy, we will give you IA electoral votes and let it go at that. But as for you, bull moose bunch there is nothing doing. ' and not measly, single vote did MT. Tlilles allow them.
 Mr Hilles then with @ nice graceful bow to the administration politely hands President Taft 3S4 votes in the electoral college, and smiles pleasantly in antiei- patton of the administration batting him on the head. But somehow MT. Hilles' little play fell flat. The administration thinks that perhaps MT. Hiles Is trying to rub it in The administration knows that it is aWfully popular, but surely thero must be some mistake aDoul leii- nessee, Missouri and one or two more states that MT. Hilles has carried so over whemngly with his typewriter. The administration has got hunch from somewhere that there must be some thing wrong with Mir. Hilles' figures.
 The only thing worrying the demo crats is, why MT Hilles did not take Texas. This is indeed big problem Will MT Hilles please explain? Arc Texas and Alabama to be left out and if SO. why?
 The absur1ity of Mir. Hilles first pre- election forecast only makes the possi- ble election of Taft a bigger joke than ever, Even the administration papers in Washington poke fun at Hilles, and the general opinion is that he has early in the game robbed the campaign of the President of it's seriousness by making himself out several different kinds of an ass. Outside of that he's all right.