Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1912-02-20
The Budding Humorist Was the
Terror of His Mother.
HE YEARNED TO BE A PIRATE

| selected Fof MS OWn whipping.
Mark Twain the boy was leader OF
band of young incorrigibles. accord
ing to Albert Bigeiow Paine, Twain's
secretary and biographer, who in Har
per's tells something Of their Juvenile
/ goings on:
| His mother declared that he gave her
more trouble than all the other chill
dren put together.
HE drives me crazy with his didoea
when he Is In the house." she used to
say. land when he is out Of it am
expecting every minute that some one
will bring him home half dead"
He did. in fact. achieve the first Of his
mine narrow escapes from drowning"
| about this time and was pulled out of
the river one afternoon and brought
home in limp and unpromising con-
| dition. When with mullen tea and cas-
tor oil she had restored him to activ-
| ity she said:
II guess there wasn't much danger.
People born to be hanged are safe in
water"
She declared she was willing to pay
somebody to take him off her hands
for part OF each day and try to teach
him manners
Besides his mother. who had to con.
tend with The bad boy. was his school
teacher. a certain Miss Horr. Mr.
Paine tells how unlike to q bed of roses
was her lot.
Miss Horr received % cents a week
for each pupil and opened her school
with prayer. after which came a chap
ter of the Bible. with explanations and
the rules of conduct Then the A B O
class was called. because It's recital
was a hand to hand struggle, requir-
ing no preparation.
The rules of conduct that first day
interested little Sam. He calculated
how much he would need to trim In to
sail close to the danger line and still
avoid disaster. However, he made a
miscalculation during the forenoon and
received warning. second offense
would mean punishment. He did not
mean to be caught the second time,
but he had not learned Miss Horr yet
and was presently startled by being
commanded TO go out and bring stick
for his own correction.
This was certainly disturbing. Ii
was sudden. and then he did not know
much about the selection Of sticks
Jane Clemens had usually used her
hand. 1t required q second command
to get him headed in the right direc-
ton. and he was a trifie dazed when
he got outside. He had the forests Of
Missouri to select from. but choice was
difficult. Everything looked too big
and competent. Even the smallest
switch had wiry. discouraging look
Across the way was a cooper shop
with good many shavings outside
One had blown across and lay just In
front Of him. It was an inspiration.
He picked it up and. solemnly enter
ing the schoolroom. meekIy handed it
to Miss Horn
Perhaps Miss Horr's sense Of humor
prompted forgiveness. but discipline
must be maintained
Samuel Langhorne Clemens" she
said (he had never heard 1t oil strung
together in that ominous way. Il am
ashamed Of you. Jimmy Dunlap, go
bring In a switch for Sammy" And
Jimmy Dunlap went. and the switch
was of sort to give the little boy an
immediate and permanent distaste for
school. He informed bis mother when
he went home at noon that he did not
care for school: that he had no desire
to be a great man, that be preferred
to be pirate or an Indian and scalp
or drown such people as Miss Horr.
Young Sam conceived the notion that
pirates life would be joyous and.
with couple OF pals. cruised the Mis-
sissippi
Some OF their expeditions were limo.
cent enough. They often cruised up to
Turtle island, about two miles above
Hannibal. and spent the day feasting
You could have loaded q car with tur-
ties and their eggs up there and there
were quantities. Of mussels and plenty
of fish Fishing and swimming were
their chief pastimes. with general ma
rauding for adventure Where the rail- |
road bridge now ends on the Missouri |
side was their favorife swimming hole |
that and along Bear creek. a seclud- |
ed. iimpid water with special interests |
OF its own. Sometimes at evening they |
swan across to G!asscock's island. the |
rendezvous Of Tom Sawyer's BLACK |
Avengers and the hiding place Of |
Huck and Niger Jim. Once. though |
this was considerably later. when he |
was sixteen. Sam Clemens swan across |
10 the Illinois side and then turned |
and swan back again without land |
ing. distance of at least two miles as |
he bad to GO He was seized with a |
cramp on the return trip His legs |
became useless. and be was obliged to |
make the remaining distance with his |
arms. IL was a hardy life they led.
and Ii Is not recorded that they ever |
did any serious damage. though they
missed II sometimes.