The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1912-02-10

If the county chairman keeps on APP
pointing so many executive committee
men there won't be any torch bearers
left to parade when Taft comes to
town.
AS our old friend. Abe Martin. puts
1T, you can be sure that a storekeeper
who keeps a bell on his. door doesn't
advertise
OUR OWN BAEDEKER'S GUIDE.
THE GRAND CALUMET RIVER. -
Outside of the courts nothing is so
sluggish in this enterprising county.
The "Ca1iminx," as it used to be called
by the Indians, empties one end at
South Chicago, but 1t can't be blamed
for that. The other end is supposed
to empty at Miller, but the natives
like closed mouths so they blocked
ii with sand. There are nearly as
many kinks in the famous stream as
there are in Lake county politics, but
steps are being, taken to eliminate the
crookedness. The Gary Steel works.
the Hammond distillery and the Hob
man street bridge are to be seen by
voyagers on the river. but nearly ev-
erybody prefers to take the interurban
so some of these thing are missed. Tom
Knots. who spent many years near the
| banks of the Calums, used to catch fish
| in the river which supported him while
Gary was still place of shacks. As
| the city grew Tom went after bigger
/ fish, and it is predicted that many years
| will elapse before there'll be any more
/ fish to be caught either in Gary or in
the river. In Hammond the people re-
| member the Calumet from it's smells.
| and the trouble in getting a bridge
over 1t. Clark Station and East Chicago
| folks swim in it. but other communities
| along tho river are equipped with bath
tubs so they do need to swim. There is
an old story that one of Johnny Fitz-
| gerald's cows used to drink water from
the river near the distillery and that
1t gave forth milk punches. Herr Hen
merry Coldbottle, noted scientist and
zymotechnologist. tried to buy the bow
Inc, but 1t expired at the Kelley cure
before the papers could be signed. The
government says that the stream is
navigable, but every one around here
knows that Uncle Sam must have his
!, little joke now and then.
TT-vS is NOT THE WILD WEST.
The 'steemed Gary Trib refers Il
Hon. NJ. n Castleman as a bogus coun
Gilman who is stopping over and who's
head will be punched by a prominen
citizen This is a vile SANDER on tn,
pe-pulls champ-een. NJ. n. is as gen
uine as he is original and he neve
Stops over. His stream of Battle AK
hits the spitoon every time, and If any
, one tries to punch his noodle they wan
a to be careful, or they'll be wei
, sprayed.
+ YOU are not in style unless you
wife has a night gown of kinon
effect and narrow sleeves.
Il COTTON has gone up a dollar a bal,
No doubt some of our we'll know
2 clothiers are busy changing the pric
D cards on their stock of "all wool suits.
/ INDIANA MOTION PICTURE ASSC
CITATION say that they are giving to
much for nickel and will cut out
L few reels and some songs. All RICH
do it, but see that the slicing take
: away those odiferous wild west drama
and ola-goola songs that have been in
flicted upon a helpless public
r. c. P-wE can only account &c
the fact that the one day in the wee
S that this column is nearly wrecked
that 1t happens on Fridays. Our proo1
reader eats fish for lunch. Hence TT
thirst.
gt ONE way of showing that you hay
+ grit is to get up out of bed just 6
soon as you hear tho alarm clock RIM