The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-07
THE EVENING STORY
stephens Statistics.
by John Philip Ortiz

I
when she married Stephen Agnew. He
was with a life insurance company and
| stood high for character. For the nrSl
| three months after marriage there were
entertainments at home and the thea
1 ter and other things abroad, but then a
change came. Mr.. Agnew became pre-
occupied. He went about whispering
| to himself, and he neither wanted COM
pany at home nor to seek advertisement
outside. Every night upon his arrival
home it was the library for him, and
all the explanation he had was that he
was very busy with Office matters.
If the young wife had been a coax
| ing, persistent woman she could have
| learned all about it after a bit but
she didn't coax, and after what she
| felt was the one rebuff, she had no
more questions to ask. She took 1t out
in thinking, and at the end or six
months she had come to the conclu-
sion that her husband was disap-
pointed man in marriage. He was still
kindly and even-tempered, but unless
something preyed on his mind, why
should he go about with that absent
look on his face, and why should ne
shut himself up at home?
There was a reason, and the wonder
was that it did not leak out sooner.
The life insurance company had pro-
NOTED Mr.. Agnew on his marriage to
a higher position and more salary, but
as an offset he must delye into Stats
tics until he could reel right off the
number of old women in Indiana who
would die before the year expired. and
the number of old men in Michigan
who would never see another Christmas
He must gather into the folds of his
memory all the diseases that carried
the insured to the grave-the average
of longevity since Moses came out Oh
the bulrushes-the action of the human
heart after a meal of pork and beans
what the difference was between
man taking three or six nips per day,
and many other things. ai
He wasn't the man to give up after
he had started in, simply because sta
tistics danced before him day and
night, but he kept on accommodating
and his wife kept on thinking she
was sIlamefully neglected, until eli
max came. A friend limited at divorce,
and that brought the climax
The plan adopted belonged to Mrs.
Agnew alone. There were no statistics
in it; that is, none that she had to
bother with. Her husband had lonG
since collected them. On a Thursday
afternoon, when the cook had gone
to the moving picture show, the wife
worked up an expression BETTING such
an occasion and put on her hat and
cloak and went to a drug store three
blocks away. She had been in there
before with her husband. 1t was the
proprietor that came forward anu AZ
ter swallowing the lump in her throat,
she gently asked:
do you keep arsenic?"
Certainly, ma'am. What is it to be
used for?''
The stereotyped reply on such occa-
sions is "Rats!" and it was given.
But why not take a rat extermi-
nator?''
I'D rather have arsenic
you'll have to write your name and
address in the book"
Very well"
1t was written. and after she had
secured enough arsenc to give so rats
she departed.
Mrs. Stephen Agnew, 234 Vine ave- |
nue." read the druggist again as soon |
as the poison customer had left, and |
then he asked of his clerk:
isn't that the wife of that insur-
ance fellow who has come in here quite |
often to get something for throbbing |
in the head?"
shouldn't wonder"
..She looked as if she was in trou-
BILE, and I'm sorry I let her have the
stuff. Well, I'm clear of the law, any,
how
Two hours later the husband drop
ped into the store to say that he had
wheels in his head again, and the
druggist queried:
Married, aT0Il I YOU
"Oh yes"
Give at 234 Vine avenue?"
yes About the wheels in my head.
You must
ssBut I wanted to say that your wife
was in here this afternoon and bought
arsenic"
Good Lordi''
ITO poison rats
"But there isn't a rat about the
house! Heavens, man, if"
And he went up the street on the
nm. with the German delicatessen man
md many small boys crying ''stop
,hief!"' behind him The few seconds
hat it took him to unlock the door
he sitting room. and he reeled as he
noted what was on the reading table.
A glass of water, a spoon, a square of
1aper bearing the label "arsenic!"
"She's done iti'' |,
Mr. Agnew's statistics told him that
It least four residents of Vine avenue
ought to commit suicide that year, but
t had never occurred to him that his
wife might be of the number. With a
yroan that ended in a wall he entered
he bedroom. There on the bed was his
wife, and clutched in her fingers was a
Zip of paper bearing the words:
II forgive you'll FAREWELL H.
A cry-a waiI-the doctor!
The medical man said it was prob Il
bly, too late. but he would do his best.
f the patient had taken all the poison I
t was an overdose and her life might !
,e saved. Mr.. Agnew was sent for
metics and a stomach pump and then
kept busy in the kitchen, and the
ioctor was about to begin serious work )