Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-22
Second DR.. Cook?

Of the latest models Of artificial no
rizons which will prove beyond q
shade Of doubt that everything I
say u on the level"
| Tho reporters accepted this ex-
PLANTATION with few mental reserva-
tons rather than try to find out
what an artificial horizon was.
Whether the Geographical and Me-
neurological Society Of the University
OF Spain will be equally open to con-
victfon IL yet to be seen.
A moving picture man who went
| with the Captain claims to have a
perfect Aim of the landing Of Column
bus and party, the habits and sports
| of the natives, fauna and fora of the
new hemisphere. and a couple Of
! photo-plays acted by sailors Of the
! crew. These will be shown beginning
next Monday evening at the Grand
Theatre, corner Toro and Second
streets. The photographer did land
office business In postcard pictures Of
the new land.
After having his shoes massaged
at the Athens Shoe Shining Empo-
rum, Captain Columbus changed his
shirt and took the 4.45 express for
Barcelona, where he has date with
King Ferdinand, and his wife, 1sa-
bella. He took with him the So
called natives Of the alleged new
continent, and a black alligator suit
case full Of photographs and notes.
These natives are about the hue Of
new Lincoln penny, have colored
eagle feathers growing from their
scalps, and talk by means of growls
and grunts that could not possibly
mean anything. The women Of the
party spent the day in the local de-
partment stores, and the men in the
rum shops. What with bundles and
packages Of this and that, the Captain
could hardly get them aboard the
train.
It will be remember that Captain
Columbus sailed from this port on
August 3rd of last year. AS he was
yanking in the gangplank Of the flag
ship Santa. Maria, a deputy sheriff,
Juan Mckee, by name, ran down the
wharf with a warrant for his arrest
on the charge that he was nutty.
The Captain kicked the officer into
the bay and sailed merrily out into
the west. Mr.. McKeef sustained the
loss of three front teeth and was
laid up in the Broadway Hospital for
some time with an attack of pneu-
nonia. It is said that he will sue
the returned mariner for assault with
attempt to kill.
Columbus has long been regarded
as a confirmed bug and It has been
much mooted question as TO whether
he ought to be allowed at large. The
most violent outbreak that his mental
weakness has taken, was his repeated
statements that he world is round.
In spite Of all that men Of unques-
toned sanity and intelligence could
do, he persisted in this notion, affirm
ing further that he could take
couple Of ocean-going canoes and by
sailing westward, find sea trail in
that direction to the lands of Cathay.
Professors and scientists showed him
that he was sure to come to the
jumping off place and that his ships
with all on board would be lost 4
Granting that the world was round,
they proved that as soon as he sailed
down to the under side ne and his
vessels would drop off into space just
the same.
None Of these arguments moved
christopher. For his hardheadedness
he gained the just sobriquet Of Iron
Head Chris. The queerest part of it
Is that these bugs will always find
some one in high circles whom they
can hypnotic into their way of think
ing. Captain Columbus buzzed his
theories SO effectively into the ears
of H. r. H. Isabella that the latter
pledged herself to soak her jewels |
and to furnish the ships that he
needed.
Christopher had been hanging
around the court for several years
bothering everybody from the cook
to the janitor with his theories, and
just what the royal motive was in
getting him the ships has been mat
ter of animated discussion. Maria
Cordova Of 304 West Madison ave-
nue. who is lady in waiting to the
queen, declares that she overheard
Isabella say:
ITS worth a dozen ships to get rid
of pest like that
Since the Captain alleges that he
returns triumphant, the Queen has
fatty denied this statement, averring
that she had implicit faith in the