davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Naval Recruits $40 Bills Cause Money Panic

HHICAGO-Eighty recruits from the
u naval training station at Lake
Blum nearly caused financial panic
at Highwood and Highland Park the
other day
The recruits. each bearing a $40
hill received from the naval station.
boarded a Chicago and Milwaukee
car In the morning They were all
bound for Chicago. from which city
they were to leave for their homeJ
on the seven-day furlough. John Hall
OF Highwood. the conductor, held out
A hand invitingly to the first recruit
In the car for 35 cents, the fare to
Evanston
The recruit pulled up one trouser
leg. unbuttoned the flap OF secret
pocket and presented the conductor
with 500 bill.
rs that the smallest you have?"
asked the conductor.
That's the smallest, the largest and
ALL" said the recruit, "and every one
of these eighty men has one Just
like it"
Hall telephoned to the paymaster OF
the company, who boarded the train
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
How Mayor Fitzgerald Picked Out the Right Cow

D OSTON, Mass.-Mayor Fitzgerald.
- Daniel ]. Mcdonald OF the city
council, Andrew Il. Kelley, the state
committeeman from ward 20. and a
host of others interested in the de-
velopment of the Suffolk School for
Boys in Rainesford island. visited that
place the other day
First the excellently equipped and
managed shoe shop was inspected,
then the gymnasium, the dining hall
and the tailor shop in order.
The mayor is one who is not given
to regretful moods. ITO the barn,
boys: to the barn" he said. 81 want
to show you how to milk
You don't have to show me-" said
Committeeman Kelley.
Nor me-" voiced Councillor McDon-
aid
Here's a dollar that says that l can
show you both" challenged the mayor
The bets were posted. and then
tracks were made for the barn.
"a COW for each" said Superintend
ent Ryan. adding, make your choice"
Each of the contestants picked a
COW. but as there was but one pail
available 1t was promptly agreed that
each in his turn should have one min
ute.
Committeeman Kelley drew first
place. but the COW might have been
of wood for all the good 1t did him.
Councillor Mcdonald, too. labored
industriously until time was called.
but, beyond a little moisture on his
fingers, had no better luck than the
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Georgia Copper in New York Has Cash in Socks

the southerner. Il think II just do
that"
Perhaps you'd better let us take
care Of your money" suggested Bauer.
giving Schwartz the signal to search
him.
I've got n lot of money, even II
am only an Awgustah cop" he said.
But Schwartz, searching his pockets.
could only bring forth s. bill. 1t
had been thrust far down in the up
per outside pocket OF his coat
rs that all your money!" asked
Bauer
81 got more'n at" declared Foster.
Schwartz dug up "A cents from n
trouser pocket.
Five seventy-four isn't much In
New York." commented Bauer.
Il got more'n at" announced Fos-
ter.
Sure enough. Schwartz found a $50
yellowback pinned to one OF his
socks.
'More'n at" declared Foster.
There was another $40 yellowback
In little pocketbook pinned to the
other sock. In the toe of his right
shoe was also found flrst-class re-
turn ticket to Awgustah.
Got moren at" persisted Foster.
"Where is it-down the back of
your neck" demanded Bauer.
mo, sub. It's in Gawgia in bank. "
smiled Foster. 81 sho do appreciate
yo' hospitality"
Then he was taken to cell. charg-
ed with intoXication. He expressed
himself as quite satisfied and sank
swiftly to sleep.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Man Has Warrant Sworn Out for His Own Arrest

because when he went through my
pockets there was no money to be
found"
And what is your name again.
please?" queried the court, with tho
shadow of a smile.
ut don't make no difference what
my name is. l want that man arrest
ed"
Williams shufIled out of the police
court and wandered back to his home.
A half hour later he was surprised to
see two husky bluecoats drive up in
a patrol wagon and stop at his door
You're under arrest" growled the
first cop, Selling Williams roughly.
Come along to the station"
why are you arresting me?' pro-
tested the bewildered Williams. 81
just got out a warrant for the arrest
of another man who beat me up last
night. Didn't you get him.
Come on! Come on" yelled the
second bluecoat. THAT kind of stun
for that small town chatter. Get in
the wagon and ask no more questions
or therell be trouble"
Williams did as directed and was
hailed before the Justice who signed
his own warrant.
Then Williams recalled that he was
Samuel Williams and by a mistake
had charged himself with disturbing
the peace. He was released when he
assured the police that any charge
that that he had fought with himself
was greatly exaggerated and more or
less untrue.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Pointed Paragraphs.

A soft answer may save long ses-
sion in the hospital.
Every silly man thinks he is an in
spiratiOn to some woman.
Some families consist OF n man, his
wife and few potted plants.
Many a girl who does fancy work
doesn't fancy any other kind
Many man who thinks he is bird
isn't able to feather his own nest.
If his satanic majesty ever had horns
he probably wore them off buttlng in.
1t takes an honest old farmer to
write letter to a prospective summer
boarder, and make it read like circus
poster
When a girl meets a bachelor three
times in one day on the street he may
think it is aCcidental-but it isn't.
A small bay never thinks there is
mnch the matter with him unless he
has pain in his stomach.
Even the fortune hunter sometimes
has to pay guide.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
CURVED BALL IS EXPLAINED
Professor Franklin Explains Mystery
to Students of Columbia Uni
versity Summer School.

The why" of u baseball curve
should no longer be a mystery, at
least to the students of the Columbia
University Summer school. In lee
ture on the Science Of Baseball
Curves" Prof w. S. Franklin ex
planned 1t all as follows:
THE whole secret OF curved ball
lies in the relation of the pressure to
the velocity and vice versa. each ball
creating its own pressure by the ve-
locity and the spin that the pitcher
gives 1t as 1t leaves his hand
Daniel Bernouilli, a Swiss physi-
cist, who died in 1862, was the man
who discovered the principle. He was
observing stream OF water that
flowed through wide pools and mar
row shoals. In the pools he soon
found that the pressure was very
great. while the velocity was almost
nothing; in the shoals he saw that
the velocity was very swift, while the
pressure had almost disappeared.
This is the principle that governs
the fight and curve of ball If
the ball sails straight through air,
with no spin. the air is pushed aside
equally in all directions and the ball
Is directly under the control of gray
ity, so far as its curve is concerned,
and It soon falls to the ground;
whereas, If the front of the ball is
given downward spin there is in
addition to the straight forcing aside
OF the air circulation otion of the
air around the ball. This motion be-
Ing over and then under the ball tends
to increase the speed with which the
air passes beneath the ball and re,
tards 1t above the ball"
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Just Habit.

He had just added a motor boat to
his possessions. He already owned Il
motor car. so he lost no time in max
ing trial trip in the new toy.
During the night he stole home, leav-
ing great puddles all up the garden
path and on the carpet in the hall.
Goodness, Charles," cried his wife
What's the matter? Did you upset
the boat?"
oh, no, my dear. not at ALL" he
replied, wringing the water from his
mustache. Motor went wrong, that's
ALL"
But you're simply soaked How
well. when the motor went wrong,
1-er--" He made a bold dash at
1t. Before I knew what | was doing
| was-er-over the side, trying to
get underneath to put the blame thing
right"
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20

at Highwood with hand grip full of
bills and started to change the big
bills into smaller ones. Before he
was half way through the car his sup
ply of bills had been exhausted.
When the car reached Highland
Park the paymaster hurried to the
bank and threw bundle OF twenties
to the teller. saying he wanted lot
Of ones. twos and fives.
The teller reached into the drawer
and before all the twenties had been
changed the second time the small
bills of the bank were almost gone
The eighty recruits had completed
their course at the naval station and
had been granted a seven days fur
Tough before reporting for duty
aboard their respective shins
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Her SDecialty.

Mrs. Sutton advertised for woman
to do general housework, and in an
swer colored girl called, announcing
that she had come for the position.
Are you IL good cook?" asked Mrs.
Sutton.
mo, indeed, | don't cook" was the
reply.
Are you a good laundress?"
81 wouldn't do washin' and ironin';
it's too hard on the hands"
Can you sweep?" asked Mrs. SUIT
ton.
NO" was the positive answer I'm
not strong enough"
We'll" said the lady of the house.
quite exasperated, may | ask what
you can do?"
Il dusts," came the placid reply
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
The Pierjan Spripo.

A teacher went to take charge of an
ungraded country school. Wishing to
learn their real knowledge in the diff
ferent branches, he gave the children
examination. The following are some
of the answers he obtained:
The seasons of the year are so
named from the time in which they
occur.
Climate is different variations Of
weather.
]. Fenimore Cooper was born and
brought up in SCroon lake, New York,
shortly after the death of his parents
He was a writer of tales.
Graviation IS when an apple falls
to the floor.
Benjamin Franklin invented light
ming.
The place where they keep all kinds
of wild animals is called a theological
garden.
Martin Luther invented a diet of
worms
One of the most important inven-
tions of modern times is the North
Pole.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
When Dewey Was pisousted,

During the Spanish-American war
the navy department, by way of
graceful compliment to the great uni
versities, renamed two converted
cruisers Harvard and Yale. Not long
after Commodore Dewey was asked
what new names should be conferred
upon two little Spanish gunboats that
Lad been captured in Philippine waters.
"Oh," said the commodore. well
just call one the Massachusetts Insti-
tute of Technology and the other the
Pennsylvania College for Physicians
and Surgeons
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
An unluckY umpire

Umpire Jim Johnstone OF the Nation
al league has a peculiar record in ex-
ira inning games. Three times he has,
started out to handle double-header,
and every time the game has gone
into so many extra innings that the
second game could not be played. One
was 20 innings long. another 10 and
another Il
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Sweet on Miller HuooTns.

1t is said Mrs. Britton of the St.
Louis club will not let Higgins go to
the Reds because she thinks more OF
Higgins than she does OF Bresnahan.
She is in hopes Roger will take the
hint and quit so that she can make
the little second baseman manager of
her team
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Clever Host.

Wise-We had quite a prominent
actress as guest at our house the
other evening.
Administrations! Didn't you find
it hard to entertain her?
Wise-Oh, no! She amused herself
for hours. We just handed her
bunch of photographs, among which
We're several of her own.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Daubert's Funny Experience.

Jake Daubert. the Brooklyn demon.
Cincinnati recently. Ordinarily Jake
couldn't hit southpaw to save his
hide, but he got five hits off Benton in
the first game of Il double-header, then
came back in the second game and
failed to get a single safety off Suggs,
n right t-hander
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Ban Johnson Wants Ferouson.

Umpire Charley Ferguson of the
American association staff, the most
efficient umpire on the Chivington
staff, may go up to the big league be-
fore the opening of 1913 season. Pres
ident Ban Johnson of the American
league is said to have had his eye on
Ferguson for months and the blonde
arbitrator probably will be rendered a
Johnson contract at the close of the
nresent season.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
IIrnIre Bush Released,

Umpire Bush has been released by
President Tom Lynch again. Bush
was released after the game In New
York which the Cubs won because he
was hit with the ball, but he was re-
called for few days when Owens and
brennan were hurt.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Senate, Please Answer.

Representative X. from North Caro-
lima. was one night awakened by his
wife, who whispered, John. John, get
up. There are robbers In the house
"Robbers?" he said. There may he
robbers in the Senate, Mary. but not
in the House. It's preposterous."
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Economizing.

Yes. my dear" | said TO my wife,
I'VE must both cconomiZc; both"
Very well, Henry she said, with
an air of submission to unpleasant
duty, you shave yourself and I'll cut
your hair"
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Iron MEN" HAVE BEEN FEW
Title Has Been Given to Many Pitch
ers in Baseball But Not All
Have Fairly Earned It.

That peculiar niche in baseball af-
fairs which is filled by what are
known as iron men is one that has
had few occupants. The iron men of
note. real iron men, have been few
and far between. The term is ap
piled only to pitchers. and means
those pitchers whose constitutions
are sufficiently strong to permit them
to do more work In the box than most
twirlers could stand. Unusual capac-
ity for work and exceptional pitch
ing ability are attributes of the iron
men of the mound.
The first pitcher to whom the term
was applied was Joe McGinnity, and
he came into it not so much because
of the frequency with which he
pitched as his capacity for double
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
staIIinqs May Succeed King.

George Stallings, manager of the
Bisons of the International league. will
be manager of the Boston Nationals
next year, is the latest report. He
has arranged terms with President
Gaffney of the Boston club and will
have full and complete charge of the
club for 1913.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
PrepoSteroGs.

Patient Geebly): Doctor, my wife
says that you have charged too much
for operating on me.
The Doctors But. my dear sir, you
don't mean to tell me that you would
take your wife's opinion as to your
value Life.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
Art and Science.

what n beautiful picture Of an an
GEL" said the lady who was visiting
the art gallery.
Yes" replied the aviation enthUs-
last: but between you and me, those
wings aren't practical"
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
aturally.

You look pretty tired. young man:
are you overworked?"
I'm studying for a lawyer, sir!
well, why in the world don't you
let him study for himself?"
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
DENVER Il RIO GRNNDE-WESTERS
PACIFIC

The Royal Gorge Feather River
Canon Route"
Taken together form the most beautI-
ful line OF continuous travel Denver
Salt Lake, city, san Francisco,
The marvellous scenic attractions of
the Rockies. the Great salt Beds OF
Utah and the wonders of the Slcrra4
can be seen from the car windows.
without extra expense for side trips
SUPERB DINING CAR SERVICE
For Illustrated descriptive matter.
write Frank A. Wudleigh, General
Passenger Agent. Denver x Rio Grandr
Railroad Denver. Colo.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20
2G G2lz.1clzMsaS

Denver. Colo. Will send free. a uscrul pres
eut and valuable book. How to Become
Most successful" to all who write this week.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20

i a to
he
play the outs de OF
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-20

FOR SALE CHEAP; several thousand feet Of "a
inch riveted steel pipe Hnvens, lGk! Wa1ee street
Denver.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15

poured the goldfish into IT, And that
goldfish gave Ills fiImy tail a languid
flirt, and swan and swan and swan, in a
circle round and round, and the circle
was just the size OF the glass bowl
where he lived when he was at home.
Can't get away from his bowl" said
+! the wise woman; and she was quite right,
he couldn't. so he might just as we'll
have stayed In his bowl after all,
1 The wise woman looked wiser than ever
d Goldfish aren't the only things that swim
i In circles she said.
NO." said !. guilty, and thought OF
the woman who came to see me the other
day Such a lovely woman, such a sweet
woman. such bright woman; but she
was brought up to a different way OF
thinking from me, and l couldn't think
OF a thing. bpt-swam round and round
in circles all the time, Just like the gold
fish.
Have her for friend? said the school
teacher, tossing decided head very deeid-
eddy. why, she says. I Wouldn't wish
any when you pass her the butter"
Swish, swish-swimmlng in circles, are
you, dear teacher? WIZ. that little wo;
man who doesn't say the right thing
when you pass her the butter. Or the
bread either. for that matter. has forgot
ten a whole lot of things that you never
knew, and II you should have one of those
sick headaches OF yours some evening.
you'd be surprised 10 see how many
things she could do 90 help &.
And such q kind heart! sEw her stop
and speak TO a forlorn dog the other day.
How ugly you are. you dear. kind
thing" said the woman who hasn't the
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15

Gleomlns over the past is dealing on
the discard.
An even break not only doesn't &C
eumuiste-it won't even pay expenses,
4 dozen fall-downs are more forgivable
than one lay-down!
Several times we've forgotten to dag
nose our case until after we were ditched.
Some folks are 80 busy standing on
their records that they get left at the
post when the barrier is sprung,
The hnss ffrnr@s that a man with an
unsrushed hat and overcast collar is
bound TO slump his work
There never il any manner OF doubt
about the mucilaginous NIT Of the man
who says. it isn't the money-it's lust
the principle Of the thingr-New Yga
World
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15
Life
BY ELLA WHEELER WILCOX.

Ph LiAA@sA "hEh<ifSN WILMA
Oh, feel the growing glory
or our life upon this sphere,
OF the life that, like a river.
Runs forever and forever.
From the somewhere 10 the here.
And stili on and onward flowinf.
Leads US out to larger knowing.
Through the hidden. to the clear.
And ] feel a deep THANKSGIVING
For the sorrows / have known:
For the worries and the crosses
And the grteying and the losses.
That along my path were sown.
Now the great eternal meaning
OF each trouble / am cleaning,
And the harvest Is my own.
/ am opulent with knoviedgs
OF the purpose and the cause;
And / so my way rejoicing
And In singing. seek the voicing
OF loves never-falling laws.
From the now until the yonder.
FUN OF beauty and OF wonder
Life flows ever without pause.
And ] feel the exaltation
or child that loves its play.
Though the ranks Of friends are this
ming,
still the end is but beginning
OF larger. fuller day;
And the JOY Of life Is spilling.
From my spirit. as all willing
/ 60 speeding on my way.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15

am very glad to know you. Mister
Lynch. sed Ma. my husband was telling
me about YOU. My husband 10 q miner
also. sed Ma, he was out In caiiforny
during the gold craze many yeers ago q
he was also n vary successful copper
miner In Arizony, Tell Mister Lynch
about the time that you fell down the
shaft deer, sed Ma, the time you dropped
a hundred feet q almost broak yure
neck
Mister Lynch was looking at Pa kind
Of close = Pa was Citing kind OF red In
the face. ! am clad TO meet q fellow
miner at all times, sed Mister Lynch,
did you ever work In the gold feeds:
Indeed he did, ssd Ma q In the dis-
mond mines. am so proud Of my brave
husband. Ma sed.
Whit kind Of q gold mine did you
work ins sed Mister Lynch to Pa Oh.
sed Pa. You mean what kind OF gold
mine did I work In?
Yes, sed Mister Lynch.
oh. sed Pa, II was one OF them placer
quarts mines, WHARF you have to tunnel
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15

BY PERCY SHAW.

BY PERCY SHAW.
Now let us settle back and wait
"a leap year IL before usl,
And though we yssrn to meet our fate
Let patience settle Ger US.
Let us not forward be nor bold
But learn to pout and tremble.
To drop our glance. our hands to fold.
To trifle and dlssemble.
And when she whispers May I CALI
Just stammer that you'd rather
Consult that sweetest man OF all.
Your dear devoted father.
Oh. how your heart will beat with pride
As in the parlor sitting
You hear her gentle step outside
Along your pathway fitting.
And when she shakes your hand, how you
VIII wonder what she's brought you.
A box Of sweets. a novel new,
Or roses that have caught YOU.
How sweet twill be to sit and see
Her womanly endesyoT,
To show her perfect liberty
In efforts 10 be clever.
Till when she cries in accents sweet
Be mine" all caution spurning;
How you will seorn all base deceit
To ask, What are you earning?
VIII you support me just like pa,
With not a ban on smoking.
Give me a valet and a car,
And never be provoking"
And IL she says she will, why you
Can view her ring demurely,
And tell her IL would never do
To marry premsturely.
But when you're sure her incomes sound,
And her investments splendid.
You're very ready TO be bound
And known as her intended.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15

as well as you know you are setting
here that you newer did any mining. a
now you cum hoam with sum books that
will help YOU TO talk wise. Why doant
YOU jest try TO be material? sed Ma.
think you wud find that II wud pay bet
ter.
Pa dident say anything back. he went
INTO the library 4 started fur to read
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15

-, 80, 800, '1s -, ., ~,
~. -, 49,, - - y, ,,,.
800, - - So. ,.,,rS. -, ,,.,,n
ni,,,,.,s a., =. -, %, 10,
- -, a., - -. ~, -.
.,ss.. -"
, ~ ~1
l oon Ihe 'ihs new helshoor' She
100 eonce"eo' anu AIRS Dear mt, 'ne|
say she USES eoIhpdh! uoi'es ioF iunoh-
con every Gay instead OF taoiecioths'
s"ish' swish-sWinming IN your own cir
eie' are you Mrs' Eoidnsh'
what II the new nelshbor does nave dit-
terent wsys from yours Maybe they
are betSer ways. Why don't you try some
OF them ana seeE
"Airsg' Nonsense. She Il worried TO
death because the nelghbors don't seem
to like her, and she hasn't the faintest
idea that it's her crime about the doilies
that is keeping them away. Swish, swish
can't you get out OF your circle and ask
her to tea?
ooh. he's a poor stick. earning a big
salary all these Years, and hasn't saved
a cent. Why, when / was his age.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15

Miss Ethel NJ. Arnold. niece OF Matthew
Arnold, and sister OF Mrs. Humphrey
Ward. who is now IN this country. urges
that divorce laws should be made easier
and declares that the prevalence Of
divorce is a STRIKE" on the part Of
woren against the dual standard Of
morality.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15

the prettiest kind
of little pebbles and
sulked. just like a
man who has done
something W no n 6
and wants TO get
mad first. /. !
"rn tell YOU"
said the wise wo-
man: lets give
him a change Of
scene and some
new IDEAS and so
we did.
We took the gold
fish upstairs, and
we filled the bath
tub full Of beauti-
fut fresh water and
'sn-i-li-s-hip ~ a
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15
By Tad

his books q after he had read for sbou
hour his mining friend cain In. He
was one OF the biggest men wich
have ever saw. He was about six feet
& six inches q his shoulders was a.
wide as Mister Tsft's a his chest was
as big a. Mister Roosevelts. His naim
was Lynch. Mister Paddy Lynch OF
Nome q skagway.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15
Many Boys in Littieton Family.

After twenty years separation, con-
gresham Llttlston Of New York. hed the
pleasure Of eseorting about the house
floor his father. Thomas Jefferson Little
ton, 81 years old. q white-haired patriarch
from east Tennessee. father OF nineteen
children, Of whom fifteen were boy.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15
Swimming in Circles
by WINIFRED BLACK.

The goldfish appeared to be bored. He
swan very lazlly, and sometimes he
didn't swim at all, He Just lay in the
bottom of the great glass bowl and
knocked tho fllmy tail Of him against
Omaha daily bee., 1912-01-15
Diary Of a New Years Martyr
BY JAMES RiVENsCRoFT.

AoNDAY-swore of clean and turned a new leaf;
Chucked wild oats into the old discard sheaf;
Took last leave of pal John Barleycorn;
Started afresh on the New Years first morn.