The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1912-09-20
When An Amateur Enter
tains

Always refuse to play when asked
Always declare you cannot, possibly!
Say you don't know how. Say you
have been out of practice for two
months and have positively forgot
ten all about 1t! If you sing, be
sure to have a cOld--a very bad cold.
Singers always nave them. Some
times they have sore thrOats, but this
10 not quite so common. Sore
threats are more particularly the
stock in trade of clergymen who
want vacations and their pay goes
on all the same.
After the company, each and all,
has coaxed and pleaded, and entreat-
ed you to favor them, reluctantly
consent. Tell them they will regret
their pertinacity when once they
have heard you.
Take your seat. OF course, the
stool will be too high or too low
always is-and it must be let down
or elevated.
II it Is evening, you will want
some more gas turned on, or else
you will want the light subdued and
If it is daytime the curtains will
have to be seen to. The light is
never just right, you know.
Look over the music ON the stand
Run your fingers over the keys and
then lift your hands and eyes in
horror. Exclaim in tragic voice:
Good heavens! how shockingly
out of tune
Ii the piano Is a Chickering,, in
form the company that there is no
instrument like the Steinway, and
vice versa. 1t will teach people who
buy pianos to look sharp and not
get cheated into buying the wrong
kind.
Strike an attitude and begin with
bang and crash 1t will produce a
more powerful impression on the lis
teners and first impressions are eY-
erything.
Loud pedal down, by all means.
Don't spare your muscle! Exer-
else all your strength! Buckle down
to the business and go at it with a
will! Give 1t to the keys without
mercy! Make the thing howl!-the
louder the better! Everybody will
then have chance to judge of the
compass of the instrument. Jump
one hand over the other consider
ably That always tells on a COM
pany Give them the idea that you
know all about II and are not afraid
of losing your place if you skip
around
Ii you sing, choose some Italian
song. All people, except the lowest
and most vulgar, understand Italian,
and it is more classical. If you sing
English, take care that none of the
words shall be ineligible. That is
the grand secret of all fashionable
singing.
BY the time you have got through
with the first piece everybody in the
room will be talking gaily, for there
is nothing encourages conversation
like little music. 1t would break
up the stiffest Quaker meeting" in
five minutes.
But you need not pay any atten-
ton to the company. Keep on with
your performance. Sing at the top
Of your voice. Your veins will
swell out ana your neck and nose
will grow red, and likely enough you
will perspire, but all are too busy
talking or looking at the photograph
album to notice you.
Music Is music-sO go on. Keep
playing. Play everything you ever
knew. Ditto as to singing.
Don't stop! If the people present
did not want to hear you play, why
did they ask you? That is the ques-
ton.
Go it as long as your strength
holds out. Ask Mr.. Smith or Mr..
Brown, who is turning the leaves, 10
get you a glass of water or lemon-
ade. 1t will rest him to walk lit
tie. No doubt his back aches with
leaning over the piano; but that is
no matter. He had no business 70
offer to turn your music il his back
could not be depended upon.
Somebody once very pertinently
said that it was next to impossible
to get pianist to play and quite Inn
possible to get her to stop after she
got at 1t.
When you have the water you will
feel strong enough to proceed. Do
so. Keep doing so. Continue until
you feel exhausted and then let Mr..
Smith lead you to an easy chair and
fan you. And II the audience is a
well bred audience it will exclaim
with one voice:
Perfectly splendid! Charming!
So sweet"
You will feel greater than Wash
'ington did just after. that interest
ing little affair with the Ratchet and
the cherry tree, serene in the sweet
consciousness of having done your
duty.-New York Weekly.