Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1912-10-30
4 Dlttor Motor.

( I'd E 3&
Some editors are not taking very
kindly to the law which compels them
to publish who are the responsible pub
fisher. editor. stockholders. etc. For
our part we have no objection to the
law. We have nothing to conceal. AS
protection to the public. we believe
the law should go farther and compel
weekly newspapers as we'll as dailies
to state their circulation. Such a pro-
vision would hurt no legitimate newspa-
per that has q field for usefulness, but
would prevent the other kind from OBJ
tanning money under false pretenses.
A certain "stand-pat" editor of In
diana, who takes very strong exception
to the law, made the following sarcas-
tic addition to the report which he made
to the p. o. Department.
Voluntary Addsnda and oateohism Gov
ering Important Information for the
Postal Department, Overlooked or
Forgotten By the Author Of the Law
ana 1nQuisitivsnsss Of the Postmaster
General.
Question: Where is your Office To-
Gated?
Answer. Corner Prosperity street aud
Paradise alley.
@. What is the size Of the building?
A. One story. tin roof, brick, 20x67
feet. fronting court house where q lot
Of Tom Marshall Democrats are trying
to break in.
you?
A. Front door opens level with the
| street. back door leads into the alley
and free run to the wet grocery es-
tablished by Steph Fleming. Tom Tag
CART, ct al.
Q. What kind Of elevators are in the
building?
A. One ladder down into the coal
| hole.
Q. What kind of power for same?
A. Leg power and personal will.
Q. What Is the color Of the editors
hair?
A. Walnut blonde. becoming streak
ed with silver from long service in laa-
| oring for the G. o. P. and introducing
bully boys to Washington society.
@. In what bank does the editor de.
posit the funds Of the office?
A. In the southwest pocket of a pair
of hand-me-down pants which are not
all wool.
| @. Is the bank generally considered
safe?
| A. Perfectly sound, without flaw or
blemish. but sustains leak" to the
postal department and the high cost of
living.
| @. What do you consider as legiti-
mate editorial proclivity?
A. An editors solemn duty Is to run
campaigns. howl his fool head off to elect
the ticket, and then swallow an aching
Adams apple when the powers that be
shall appoint the other fellow for post
| master.
! @. How can the U. S. postal depart
ment further accommodate publishers?
| "A. By obtaining more free advertis-
ing as the u. S. now dead-heads it's ad-
vertised letter lists, sending in, by ev-
cry mail, a continuous supply Of free
booster copy for the government, marked
For Immediate Release" accompanied
by a check on the Bank Of Presumption
without the customary card of thanks)
and add all possible hardshlps to the
newspaper business.
| Q. In case the country goes Bull
Moose or in memory of Thomas JEFF
ferson, what will be the surest method
of raising revenue for the payment of
; congressman elected ON dollar-a-day
pension bills?
A. Raise the rent on AKA hole in
! the postoff1ce commonly called "box''
SO that said hole will be worth more
in proportion than a Fifth avenue man.
sion.
@. Can you offer suggestion for a
l a. to
for the benefit of country publishers?
"A. Oh, yes! In addition to having the
department printing envelopes, for CON-.
mercial trade, let the government print
ing office do a general line Of joo work
double the Thanking privilege to con.
gressmen, senators and others whose
pay is small, raise the rate of postage
on publishers and the department Will
soon become more than self supporting
Q. What would be the best method
to augment the effectiveness of the Ac,
Of August 10, 1912?
A. Borrow a 14-inch 45-caliber coast
defense rifle. charge it with lyddite, wad
1t with congressional records and a mis-.
sile of early-sprihg-p pasture Holstein
apple-butter. aim the gun at the author
Of the bill and compel Bill Bryan tc
pull the trigger.
9. Is there any other information
not herein demanded that you would
like to supply?
A. Not in this installment Editors
have limit to their expressions Of con.
tempt for damphule enactments and the
well of liberality is sometimes pumped
dry.
Respectfully submitted without sole.
itation.
i SOM E. BITTERNESS.
Lied to and described before me this
End day of October. 1912.
| (FeeD PETER FUNK.
Notorious Public
My commission expires as soon as I cal
> get out Of JAIL
| no aAnn1ar 16nniN A11nxwAA