Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-05-26
SUNDAY MAGAZINE FOR MAY g. 1912
SCOTTISH WIT AND HUMOR
BY THE REV. MADISON c. PETERS

vanity, replied, ooh, you had better marry
the fellow
marry him. replied the astonished wo-
man. Il would see him hanged first"
MARRY him then,' persisted the humor-
list, "and III bet he'll soon hang himself y
DR. MCLEOD and DR.. Watson were in
- the West Highlands together on a tour
before leaving for India. When they were
crossing loch in a boat, in company with
a number of passengers, storm came on.
One of the passengers was heard to say,
"The twa ministers should begin to pray
or We'll "a be doomed
"Ah, ma, said boatman. "The little ane
can pray, if he likes; but the big ane must
tax an oar.
FIRST SCOT: "Fat sort o minister haze
we gotten, Geordie?"
SECOND Scot: ooh, weel, he's no mucllle
worth. We seldom get CLINT o him. Six
days o the week he's envees bic, and on the
seventh he's encomprehens ble.7
WHAT dogs are these, Jasper inquired
man of lad who was dragging a
couple of waspish looking terriers along a
street in Edinburgh: Il dinna ken, SIR
replied the urchin. "They came wi the rail-
ken whar to gang"
THE following story illustrates the dis
advantage of having an article in COM
mon use called after ones own name. The
chief of the clan Mcintosh once had dis
pute with a cabman about his fare. do
you know who ann" Indignantly exclaimed
the Highlander. al am the Mcintosh"
Il don't care if you are an umbrella
replied the cabby, 3I'll have my rights!'
NORMAN MCLEOD was once preaching
~ in a district in Ayrshire, where the
reading of a sermon is regarded as the great
est fault of which the minister can be guilty.
When the congregation dispersed, an old
woman, Overlooking with enthusiasm, adj
dressed her neighbor, "Did We ever hear ony
thing sac gram Wasna that sermon?"
All her expressions of admiration being
met by stolid glance, she shouted, Speak,
woman! Wasna that sermon?"
ale read it" said the other.
To which she replied with indignant en-
phasis, a wadna care if he had whistled it.
John ERSKINE was, at the age of
twenty, a teacher of Latin in Edinburgh
University. On one occasion, after his ele-
walton to the bench, young lawyer in argu-
ing a case before him used a false Latin
quantity, whereupon his Lordship said, with
a good-natured SMILE "Are you sure, Sir,
you are correct in your quantity there?"
The young counsel. nettled at the query,
retorted petulantly, "My Lord, never was
a schoolmaster."
NO. answered the Judge, @nor, | think,
a holar either"
A BEGGAR wife, on receiving gratuity
= from the Rev. John Skinner, of Lang
side, said to him by way of thanks, ooh,
Sir, l houp that We and a your family will
be in Heaven the nicht!'
"Well, said Skinner, Il am very much
obliged to you; only you need not have just
been SO particular as to the time"
THE minister of parish in Scotland was
called to effect reconciliation between
a fisherman of a certain village and his wife.
After using all the arguments in his power
to convince the offending husband that it
was unmanly in him, to say the least, to
strike Polly with his fist, the minister con-
Guided, "David, you know that the wife is
the weaker vessel, and you should have pity
on her."
"Weel then" said David sulkily "if she's
the weaker vessel she should carry the less
sail.
A HIGH CHURCHMAN and Scotch
PRESBYTERIAN had been at the same