The Washington herald., 1912-02-18
Citizens Associations Are Valuable
As Studies in Things Physiological
Graphic Eyewitness De-
scriptior of Things
Done and Undone by
Meetings for the Pub
lie Welfare.
By JAMES FRANK LYMAN.

Next to watching harry douQinl
toiling in a pair of burlap bags or
beholding some particularly vicious
wrestler as he gayly plucks Achilles
tendons from his opponents heels, the
most exciting thing / know of in Wash
ington is meeting of a citizens as
sociation. Any citizens association
will do. In one of them. not so long
ago, the chairman of the entertain
ment committee called the chairman OF
the public charities committee a liar
and these two benevolent persons
mauled each other joyously. effusively,
until their lungs gave out and friends
led them painting and triumphant to the
outer air At another, but never
mind.
A Physiological Study.
You'd never think from the accounts
you read that citizens associations fur
nish food for study Of things pre-em-
inently physiological 90 to the proof
reader changes that word to psychology
caI)
Newspaper accounts usually read:
AT a meeting of the Lumpdidoodle
Heights Citizens Association last even
ing the proposition to improve Jumjum
street was heartily approved. Mr.. Jones,
vice president of the association, spoke
strongly in favor OF a new fire engine
house, and during the course of his re-
marks was interrupted by Mr.. Bilkins,
who inquired into the estimated cost Of
the new building. a committee was Sc
lected to visit Congress and
Well, there you are. So much for the
glossy, geIid description. Occasionally.
when one good citizen perfervidly
punches another, both find their way into
print via the sporting department and
police reporter. Usually. In these cases,
the fight is described by rounds with
several vivid paragraphs Of description
interpolated.
The Unexpected Happens.
As a matter Of fact, no man ever
knows what a citizens association will
do. Every one recognizes the fact that
in time it will accomplish much good for
the community: that bills will be con-
sidered. resolutions offered. and speeches
delivered. But at what moment the as
sociation will blow of the lid OF conven-
ton and resort to a primOrdial discus
SION of elementary things, no man has
ever been able to guess.
Wandering around the city as Manz
and ! have, We have assimilated numer-
Gus Incidents of different associations
These, for purposes of brevity, 1 will
merge, and you shall judge for yourself
whether or not a citizens association
should be allowed at large without being
under bond and, wearing a muzzle.
Shortly after o'clock the Lumpdi-
gathered in the schoolhouse. BY ones
and twos, the citizens, merchants. shoe
makers, lawyers, tailors, real estate
brokers, and heaven knows what other
professions, vocations, and avocations
were represented.
Every one was preternaturaily solemn.
The proposed fund for a new fire engine
house was to be discussed, and reams
and reams of speeches on the subjects
Of fire engines, brilliant blazes, heroic
fire laddies Cwho are always dragged in
by the scruff of the necb), and civic
pride rested cOnhdingly against high
beating, manly hearts.
Fire Chief Wagner was there. He was
there to take a shot at pensions for fire
men: to take a depression while the di-
crossing was good, and mayhap win
more friends for his plan. He was SOL
emn, too.
Untrammeled, Rowing Whiskers.
Forty or more members of the associa-
tion had arrived when the president, a
tall, impressive man, with untrammeled,
rowing whispers, entered the room a la
Delsarte, staIked up to his Official table
and began pensively untangling part of
his primordial undeTbrUsh from his up
per vest button. lie fumbled for a mo-
ment, then cast on 1.-The anchoring vest
button, shook his whiskers at the meet
ing. banged his gavel, and announced
that the association would come TO order. |
After the usual preliminaries had been
gone over, Mr.. Jones arose.
''Misser Chairman" said Mr.. Jones, !
''Misser Chairman, Misser Chairman
Mr.. JONES' said the bewhiskered !
chair, glowering heavily at the upper
vest button. |
Encouraged, Mr.. Jones dived into his |
inner vest pocket and emerged triumph |
antly, bringing forth what looked like the |
original manuscript OF Noah Webster's |
dictionary.
''Misser Chairman" babbled Mr.. Jones. |