The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-09-21
ON THE SPUR
OF TIE AOMENT
Maud Muller.
~ ROY Z MOIu.TON-

0Aduu
Maud Muller on a summers day
Raked the meadow sweet with hay.
She helped her mother ofttimes, too,
AS all good daughters used to do.
She washed the dishes, scrubbed the floor,
She wore no false hair and no pads
And had an appetite like dads.
All rouge and beauty dope she scorned
And hers was beauty unadorned.
But that was in the long ago
And was old-fashioned quite, you know.
Now Maud appears upon the street
And is in style from head to feet.
She wears skirt that is so tight
She has to peel it off at night.
It fits so close that in the morn
She puts it on with her shoe horn.
She wears her shoes so tight they hurt,
And she is somewhat of flirt.
For English she cares not a dang
And is well versed in George AIDES slang.
She Tolls about in lounging blouse
And cannot help around the house.
Her mothers cooking is passe,
She much prefers a swell cafe.
She pounds out ragtime by the hour
And makes the neighbors grim and sour.
She's never very slow to state
Her pa and ma are out of date.
For Turkey Trot and Bunny Hug.
Eternally she's on the go,
But cannot cook and cannot sew.
Her relatives and friends are awed,
And murmur through their tears Poor
Maud"
They're very, very much afraid
She's fixing to be one old maid.
The boys all think she's pleasing, mind.
But they don't hook up with that kind.
For, with all of her fancy stunts,
She's just an ordinary Ounce.
According to Uncle Abner.
Nothing will queer Teller quicker than
naming a nickel cigar after him.
A wife that looks neat at the breakfast
table makes her husband think about her
a whole lot during the day
A Teller who gifts his picture took with
his hand up to his head has always g't
a purity good opinion of himself.
Why kick about the hot weather" SAYS
Hank Pu-dy. IF there wasn't no hot
weather there wouldn't be no corn and no
rye and if here wasn't no corn and no
rye, there wouldn't be no whisky"
1t begins to look as though Elmer Jones
may propose to the milliner again this
for crayon portraits this month. Pros
perity always makes Elmer sentimental.
Caught on the Fly.
An eastern woman offers to marry the
man who will write the best obituary of
her first husband. Unfortunately all OF
the humorists are married
An Ohio woman aged ninety-one, says
she has never been kissed. Well, judging
by the Ohio men, we have seen, she
hasn't missed much.
One American whipped ten Mexicans the
other day and he wasn't such a whale of
an American, either.
Lawn note: The best style for grass
this season is a la moved.
A Nevada man wants to be shot instead
of hanged. A man who is so unfortunate
as to reside in Nevada ought to be salts
fled with either.
A New York man was bitten by a pike
and is now delirious. He probably thinks
he is a piker. and being New York
Kansas will produce 100000 bushels of
wheat this year Kansas used to raise
almost exclusively, but they
didn't pay.
Chicago woman wants so for broken
heart. Diamonds and not hearts are
trumps in Chicago
How to BE Happy.
Make $500 a week.
Have a splendid touring car.
Own a cheateau by the cool summer sea.
Don't do any sort of work during the
heated months
LOCK up your nome and spend the sum-
ner in the snow-capped Alps.
Have valet to keep track of your col
ar buttons and your laundry.
Have lot of friends who like to do
nice things for you every day in the week. |
The Ten Greatest.
Constant Reader" asks us to name the |
EN- great philanthropists. Here they are: |
Are:
Old Scrooge.
The man who used the wart on the back |
If his neck for a collar button.
Mr.. Pecksniff.
The man who made one tombstone |
spitaph do for four wives.
The Standard Oil company. |
Ismay-
Abe Ruef.
Nero.
The beef trust.
me man who doesn't want to allow his |
wife to vote.
4