The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-10-28
According - Uncle Abner.


Undertaken Amos Butts has bouEh,
new racing automobile and Is tear
ing up the ground in these parts.
! He fggers that the car will increase
his business constable II handled
right.
Outside of paintin' picket fence.
1t always seems to me that tryin' to
eat Goldfish gravy with a fork Is about
! the putterinest Job agoin'.
Elmer ones has just returned
homo from an extended trip for his
health. He was sellin' pennant canes
around the country fairs. He says he
didn't go on the trip exactly for his
: health. but 1t practically amounted to
that
Lafe Hlliker has lost his lucrative
position in the feed mill. and as he
has nothin' particular IN view he is
! tryin' to decide whether to go into
vaudeville or the insurance business
Hank TMmn1s says there amt no
pertickler sav'n' in smokin' a Ave-
cent seegar that some Teller gives you,
for 1t gen'aily takes a nickle's with
Of matches to KEEP it agoin'.
If Teller wants to be a crouch
there is something to be mad about all
the time.
Next to readin' meters for the gas
company. about the most thankless
Job l know Of is workin' In the trou-
BILE department Of a telephone COM
pany.
1t is a medium dull day when Kaiser
Bill Of Germany don't get on the first
page to the pure readin' matter.
Everything is divided equal in this
world. The poor man has got the
appetite and the rich man has got the
grub.
Nobody in the old home town ever
expects a Teller to make good, but
when he goes to the bad everybody
knew he would all the time.
The Teller who gets by is the one
who keeps everlastingly at 1t. Even
II he hasn't got the goods he makes
people think he has, which amounts
to tho same thtng.
From the Hickey Vile Clarion.
Deacon Pringle. one Of the pillows
OF our church, was over to Chicago
last week and was took in by a long
lost cousin. who sol1 him q gold brick
William Tibbits. who had bought many
OF them, says 1t must have been some
slicker who wasn't any relation to the
deacon at all Deacon Srubbs will
probably get even by selling I. to the
church for twice what he gave for II,
like he did the coal stove with the big
crack in the bottom. 1t Is pretty hard
to get ahead Of a deacon or a railroad
agent
, A bugologtst or taxidermist or some
other scientific Teller Of that sort tolo
Hod Peters he had found q rare old
relic on Holds farm. Hod said he
didn't know what 1t could be unless it
was the mortgage.
The Hotel Hickeyville now has run.
ming water in every room. The roof
sprung a leak last Thursday night
A Teller who has got q pate de fol
grass appetite with a Goldfish income
has one foot IN the penitentiary. the
other in the poor house, and his face
is turned toward the setting sun
Elmer Jones IS the most comical
young man In this town. He dropped
a cat in tho town pump q month
or SO ago and now they are talking
Of starting mineral baths in our midst
and making US a health resort
Uncle Ezra Harkins says he lets his
whiskers grow 60 as to get them out
of his system.
There amt much use bein' q natural
blond II you are an actress, because
nobody will believe II.
Miss Euphemia Perkins, our poeeess
Of passion, Is wri:in' play for
Charles Froham- BY Jing, I wonder
what Froham will say when he finds IT
out.