The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-04-10
he met was his neighbor, Hazleton,

| and he was greeted with:
Hello, boy! Whittier away? You
| are stepping off like a colt this morn
ing"
Didn't know it was my birthday.
did you?" was replied.
5000! III bet l can guess within
q year Of your age"
go ahead"
"Thirty-nine."
Mr.. Bowser waved his hand and
laughed and passed on. He felt that
he'd give $50 If Mrs. Bowser had heard
the guess. His exultation was short
lived. however. Before lie reached the
corner he struck an icy spot and went
down with a kerplunk, and a police.
man FASTENED up to help him to his
feet and to pick up his hat and say:
you shouldn't be out without rub
bers on. old man. At your age the
bones break like pipestems."
You talk as If l were a hundred!'
growled Mr.. Bowser and making NO
thanks for the assistance rendered.
"Oh, no, but Of curse you will never
see seventy again. That's not so old,
but falls are dangerous"
Mr.. Bowser passed on into the drug
store to be hailed with:
"Got a crouch OH again this morn.
ing?"
mo, sir"
Thought you had. but l guess you
are simply feeling your age"
Don't you worry about my age. I'm
not two years older than you are"
well. I'm thirty-six, and if you
claim to be only thirty-eight you are
making a fool Of yourself. You'll new
er see siXty-tive again. Three doctors
were in here the other evening, and
none of them put your age at less than
six%ty-seven."
"Then they are three blamed fools
and you are another" exclaimed Mr.
Bowser as he stepped out.
The Plumbers Estimate.
Three months before. when be hal
paid a plumbers bill without kicking
the plumber had spoken of him as
young man." He now entered the
shop in search of consolation.
Purity icy this morninyy' Queriet
the plumber.
eyes"
II came near having a fall"
Eyes"
"Cs old boys have got to go SLOW"
"11ow old would you take me to beg
was asked.
We'll, when the carpenter spoke o.
you as Old Bowser the other day l tol(
him | doubted YOU were a day oyel
sixty-ive.'
"What if | should tell you l was
only forty-tive:'
I'D say you had forgotten the yea
you were born.'
Just as I'll forget you when l want
any more plumbing done"
There was the butcher. One day
when Mr.. Bowser had jumped over q
barrel lying OF its side to escape 3
dog rushing at him the butcher sale
that a boy of fifteen couldn't have done
better.
Not going to the Office today, Bow
SER" he asked as the caller entered.
mo. It's my birthday, and I thought
I'd celebrate a little"
"That's right. Say, now, that makes
me think. Can you remember bach
seventy-tive years ago?'
"Sir, what do you mean?"
"You must have been a kid then
but Perhaps
Butcher, are you blind and a foo
to boot?"
but what is itY"
do l look like a man about eighty
years old?"
"Why-why'-
"Speak out, sir!"
"Why then, you don't. I don't thinl
you look a day over seventy-three."
"Oh, you don't? Well, l don't thinl
you a send me any more meat unit
you get over your blindness"
Tho Last Straw.
Mr.. Bowser started for home. H
meant to take it out on Mrs. Bowsel
but he slipped and fell against tn
fence. Then he slipped and fell agains
a shade tree. Then he fell down ker
whack at his W gate, and an oil
woman helped him up and brushed TIL
snow from his back and said:
Poor old daddy! It's a shame yo1
have to be out in such weather a
this"
When he entered the house Mrs
Bowser was down in the kitchen, an
he crept upstairs and undressed an
went to bed. She found him tire
hours later, and he was fast asleeI
and there We're teal stains on hi
cheeks.
An Impostor.
II hear that Mrs. Molar, the wife c
tho dantist is suing for divorce"