The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1912-04-15

iIousrclcaning Poctry.-Pleaso don't Jump at the
conclusion that this piece of poetry caused a house
cleaning. or did houscclcaning-or sich-for the fact
of the matter is the heading has been conceived and
appended for the distinct purpose of Disgusting 1t and
il possible. inducing YOU to read it without suspicion
that ii is spring poetry. We wish also to deny positive
lv the possible charge of being its author. However.
ried mon. and believe most of them should plead guilty
to the accusation that they have heen "unavoidably
detaincd' during the busy and bedlam-lik season at
home. hence they will undoubtedly appreciate the fol-
lowing, that is to say:
Father, dear father. come home with me now,
for ma has some carpets to beat; she's got all the fur
niturc out in the road from the front porch down to
the street. The stove must come down and be put in
the shed, and tho yard must be cleaned of dead grass,
for it's time TO clean house and the Old Harry's to
pay and the front windows need some new glass.
Father. dear father. come home with me now and
bring some bologna and cheese. it's most two o'clock
and there's nothing to eat, I'm so hungry I'm weak
in the knees. All the dinner we'll have will be cold
scraps and such and We'll have to cat standing up,
too. for tho table and chairs are all out in the yard.
oh, wish spring cleaning was thru"
t;rassI,oppcr Cmre-Gasoline works perfectly for
killing gophcrs. and a gallon will lie enough for two
DAYS steady work. Take a lot of rags. cut 3X3 inches.
q bottle of gasoline, a stick about 3 feet long and an
iron rod or hardwood stick to lamp the holes shut with.
Now when Won find the door of Mr.. Gopher's house.
nut a little gasoline on a niece of rag. shove tho rae
into the hole as far as possible. lamp the hole shut. and
that is the end of the gopher. G"phers will migrate
and that makes it necessary to go over tho ground
again. say every two weeks. to treat now arrivals. But
the work is a great deal less after the first treatment
as the holes arc few. Use a corked bottle for gasoline
ana leave Your pipe AT hOrne.-Farfn. STOCK d Home.
If, after trying this quite thoroughly. it fails, try
this: Get an ounce Of alamagoozelum powder: catch
tho grasshopper; tickle him under the pe-tide rib till
he laughs; then cram the powder down his throat till
he chokes. This was never known to fail.
Our old side kirker-"Bill' Fearst-we always like
to he chumny with our prominent friends-shouts
loistrously from his New York American. What kind
of a Democrat do the people want as PRESIDENT" We
have given the question considerable thought and wrote
Fill the other day that we would take tho matter un-
der adviscncnt and let him know in seven months
NhafhcF thpS want .rS- co,rrro or rnt
Fnyus Green wants to know why a horse bites grass
backward and why a cow bites grass forward. Can
You tell? He also wants to know why a hop vine winds
one ay and a bean vino the other. He's too deep for
lis. Maybe some of our friends no have taken their
degree in agriculture might he able to advise Fityus.
He was subject to heart weakness. He Went home
and found the rugs on the line. His wife sent him out
to wallop Them while she got dinner. AS he went out
quit beating these rugs around" And he beat it.
Tho Hannah Moon accuses the now editor of the
true the Times man should be pinchcd: if not the
The ice in the Missouri river at Nilliston must
have done something very peculiar recently, according
chicken lay a soft-shcllcd egg" Well-whv shouldn't