davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
MHN. HE'S
WF.THE.MowENT
W. By ROY K. MOULTON.

And took a large dose Of good, hard
work.
When he got a cold and got it good,
He went and split up four cords OF
wood.
When he had the misery in his back
He looked for a job as a lumberjack.
He didn't set round and whine and
pout,
But went right to work and beat it out.
When other sick folks was ~a-droppin'
off,
You should jest of heered the old mar
scott.
When the last ones gone, it's a good
safe bet.
That old Hi Binks will be workin' yet.
I hear in my heart, I hear in its ominous
pulses,
All day. the connection of sinewy, name
tossing horses;
All night, from their cells. the importu-
nate tramping and neighing.
towards and laggards fall back; but alert
to the saddle,
Straight. grim, and abreast. vault our
weatherworn, gallop.ng legion.
With stirrup-cup each to the one gracious
woman that loves him.
The road is through dolor and dread.
over crags and morasses:
There are shapes by the way, there are
things that appall or entice us;
What odds? We are knights. and our
souls are but bent or the riding!
Thoughts self is a vanishing wing. and
Joy is a. cobweb.
And friendship a flower in the dust, and
glory a sunbeam;
Not here is our prize, nor, alas. after
these our pursuing.
A dipping Of plumes. a tear. a shake OF
the bride,
A passing salute to this world, and her
pitiful beauty!
We hurry with never a word in the track
OF our fathers.
I near in my heart, I hear in its omi.
nous pulses,
All day, the commotion of sinewy, man.
tossing horses,
All night, from their cells. the importu
nate tramping and ~ne.ghing.
We spur to a land of no name, outrac,
ing the storm-wind;
We leap to the infinite dark, like the sparl
from the anvil.
| Thou leadest. o Cod! AIT well with TIL,
troopers that follow.
| Louise Imogene Quincy.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
Copyright, 1911, by North American Press
Syndicate.)

copyright, 1911, by North American Press
Syndicate.)
IMPROVING ON NATURE.
Perhaps you've never stopped to think
how handy it would really be
IL every woman had three arms instead
of two, for then. you see.
She wouldn't have to miss a stroke of
work, because h maiden fair,
Would have a needed extra hand to
poke away at her back hair.
Two-headed politicians would at ban
quets make a life-sized hit.
'Twould solve a knotty problem and
there's not the slightest doubt OF 1t.
The time at banquets is so short it's
hard to make the job complete,
But then one head could make the
speeches while the other n could
eat.
If folks who walk could just have wings
'twould make this life worth while.
They wouldn't nave to cross the street
in nervous, shaky, halting style.
They'd have to dodge about no more
n they could thank their lucky
That they had found a way at last to
fool the scorching touring cars.
-
Hold Spinks says after the first of
the year he amt going to drink any
more. He couldn't if he tried.
Grandma Peters has been readin
in the papers that there are some mag
~nificant spectacles at the New York
Hippodrome and says by ginger, she
wishes she had a pair of EN-.
Nobody has throwed a bootjack al
a cat or shipped an editor in so years
Miss Amy Pringle says the coolest
clamiest, most unromantic thing she
knows of Is to get a 0 letter writ
ten on a typewriter and dictated.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
Love Matches.

"Miss Marie Corelli, like all female
novelists, is a firm believer In marry
ing for love-"
The speaker. an editor Of a wom-
ans magazine, al taking tea at the
Colony club in New York. She con-
tinued. a nut sandwich poised near
her mouth:
II argued and wrangled about love
matches with Miss Corelli n whole
day In her old-fashioned Stratford
home. but she rather got the better
of me at the end with an epigram:
"'She who marries for love- Miss
Corelli said, enters heaven with hel
eyes shut. She who marries without
love enters hell with them Open"
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
Women to Wear Man,i,las in Church,

Women of st. Francis De Sales
Cathedral will introduce into this
country the custom of wearing in
church the graceful lace headdress OF
the Spanish women in place OF hats.
The innovation was suggested by Rev.
DR.. O'Connor to the members of the
Altar society and at the general COM
munion of the society the scarfs will
be worn
The hats of today have become a
monstrosity," said Rev. DR.. O'Con-
nor. addressing the society.-Toledo
Correspondence Cleveland Leader.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
Means to Enjoy Closing Years.

Having made a million dollars by
the practice of law since he quit poll
tics, former Congressman and Cover
nor Frank S. Black, aged ~fifty-eight,
retired. After a certain point is
reached it isn't money a man should
work for, but time. You can't defy
human nature" he says.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
Johnny's Decision.

/ left a note beneath dads plate
Last night. in which ] tried to state
What my position is on schools
An spellin' books an states an rules.
Dear Dad-that was the way ! wrote
To him an put 1t in the note
Il have decided | am sore
On schools. so L won't go no more
When il begins. l want to go
An get a lob to work at. So
No more at present" wrote then
Beneath: You're lovin' little Ben"
When dad turned up his plate an seen
The note. he took 1t up between
His thumb and finger thisaway
An read it through. and didn't say
A word; but give a sort of frown
An folded it an laid it down
An ct his supper. Then he lit
His pipe an set there smokin' 1t
Till bedtime. Then / said good night,
An he said: Good night son; sleep tight!
An when / had got nearly half
The way upstairs l heard him laugh.
This mornin' before / come down
Dad had gone to his work in town.
An when I turned my plate up, gee!
There was another note. for me!
1t said: Dear son. by this you'll know
L have decided you're to go
To school when school begins again.
Schools are for boys and work for men:
/ work for you. so you must be
Good and must go to school for me,
Or else meet me out in the shed.
Dad" So I'll do just like he said.
New York Globe.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
All. HERE AT LAST.

Who is the very surest thing
AS a true h%arbinger of spring?
Who doth the gladstone tidings bring?
The plumber.
starts IN at the break of day,
A six-inch piece of pipe to lay?
fiddles eight long hours away?
The plumber.
Who with a disregard sublime,
Sits by and see the flight of time
wonders at the. cause of crime?
The plumber.
Who worries not a moment o'er .
That constant cost-of-living bore
Who has got credit at the store?
The plumber.
Who always has coin in his jeans
And knows not corned beef hash
means?
Who travels round in limousines?
The plumber.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
to|
[ Uncle Abner

An eastern pro-
fessor says that up
to 40 years ago life
wasn't worth living,
But when a Teller
stops to think that
up TO 40 years ago
there were no pho
~nographs or horse
less planners he is
apt to believe that
the professor is a
liar.
All in all, 1t seems
to me the low
brOwS have b O
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
Candid Admission.

What are your ideas about re-
FORM"
About the same as everybody's,"
replied Senator Sorghum. Il have a
general impression that myself and
personal and political friends are
the only people who do not need it,"
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

The Paxton Toilet Co. OF Boston,
Mass, will send a large trial box of
Paxtine A%ntiseptic, a delightful cleans
ing and germicidal toilet preparation,
to any woman, free, upon request.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
Facetjous Operator.

81 say, mister" said the ~cadaverous
man, entering the telegraph office,
could you trust me for a telegram !
want to send my wife? I'll pay you
tomorrow"
Sorry, SIR" said the operator. but
We are terribly rushed these days and
there isn't a tick in the Office that
isn't working overtime as ii is."-Har-
per's Weekly.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
His Business to Know.

Wife-Look, / bought this fur coat
Today. They tell me We are going to
have very cold weather soon.
H.sband-Who told you SO?
Wife-The furrier.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
This mornin' before 1 come down


i wouldn't be a motorman. L do not
like to mote.
I wouldn't be a potentate. L know not
how to pote.
1 wouldn't be a sculptor, for L know
not how to sculp.
1 wouldn't be a culprft, for / have no
chanc to culp.
I wouldn't be a pedagogue. n
not how to ped.
l wouldn't be a medic, for / know
not nov to med.
l wouldn't be a lobbyist, / do not like
to lob.
1 wouldn't be a robber. for 1 have no
nance to rob.
l couldn't be a captain. for I haven't
got a cap.
1 couldn't be a laplander, I'm fat and
ave no lap.
l wouldn't be a chauffeur, for / do not
like to chauff.
I'd rather be a loafer and just sit
around and loaf.
-
THESE DO NOT EXIST.
A %rtooni who has not drawn r.
RS ~spectacles and teeth.
A bureau without several dozen col
lar buttons under it.
A theatrical press agent who doesn't
smoke cigarets.
A woman who never gazed at her re-
Election in a plate glass window.
A railroad brakeman who can pro-
nounce Schenectady in English.
A candidate who is not the peoples
choice"
A housewife who doesn't always
sharpen her lead pencil with the
butcher knife.
A cat that doesn't want to get out
when it is in n in when it is out.
A baby that can't get a dollar watch
in it's mouth.
A house that costs less thar the
architect said it would.
NEVER AGAIN.
The poets sing
OF gentle spring
In language that is rich.
They hang a bluff
And sell the stuff
To magazines and SIGH.
They rave and shout
And rhyme about
The fragrance of the air
And of the JOY
Without alloy
That fingers everywhere.
But when 1T SHOWS
And rains and blows
And does a dozen stunts
With nail and sleet
And lightning sheet
And does 'em all at once;
When nature drops
And deftlv f1ops
A ack-handed somersaults,
/ think right now
You will ALLOW
It's time to call a halt.
My Tyre is still
And never will
Twang for you as of yore.
Oh, Gentle Spring,
You tickle thing.
I'll boost your game no more.
-
THESE SHOULD MAKE ANANIAS
JEALOUS.
Il never had a sign of a cold"
My daughter is going to sing in
grand opera in Rome or Vienna in five
years"
"Oh, no, you're not interrupting my
work Stick around all day If you like"
my wife has never spoken a cross
word to me since we have been mar
| ried.'
Il always tell the plumbers and gas
filters where to get off at when they
SEND me their bills and they always get
| off, too"
MY husband ha got just the love-
Hest family. ] adore every one OF
them"
Nobody car make biscuits like m,
wife can"
II never banker for a dys~k."
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
When Your Eyes Need Care

Try Murine Eye Remedy. 10 Sm~arting-Feels
Fine-Acts Quickly. Try it for Red, Weak,
Watery Eyes and Granulated Eyelid3. Illus
trated Book in each Package. Murine is
compounded by our Oculists- not a .Patent Med
icine"-but used in successful Physicians Prac-
tice for many years. Now dedicated 10 the Pub
lie and sold by Druggists at Csc and Soc per Bottle.
Murine Eye Salve In Aseptic Tubes, Csc and Soc.
Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
Sure Does.

The pen is mightier than the
sword
But the typewriter puts it all e
che pen"
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

There are two things calculated to
make a mans head swim-a merry
go-round and a merry widow.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
At thu Avia<ian

At the Aviation Meet.
Nine. Vanite-Well, 1t certainly was
not worth putting on my nice new pair
of boots!-Pele Mele.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

There is nothing heavenly about war.--or
Dyspepsia. The world is outgrowing the
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

The woman who shows her teeth
and smiles is reasonably sure to at
tain her object much quicker than the
one who shows her teeth and growls.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

Mrs. Wfnslow's Soothing Syrup Cor Children
teething. softens the gums, reduces inHamma.
ton, allays pain. cures win collie, sc q bottle
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

A pretty girl never approves of men
who flirt with other girls.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

The commanding intellect should
have the command and be king
Schiller.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

Garfield Tea. the natural remedy for Con-
can always be relied on.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
Gallant Blind Man,

"Ah, you're a pretty lady"
Whats that? | thought you we're
blind"
I'm a sense only. / eve see the
ugly women journal Amusant.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

For Constipation, B~iliousness, Liver and
Kidney Troubles, take Garfield Tea.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

Talk to yourself IL you want an ap-
uI eciative audience.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

ONLY ONE "BROMO OUININE."
That Is LAXATIVE o QUlNINE. Look for
the signature OF Il. w. GROVE.. Used the World
over to Cure a Cold In One Day. &c.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

Poke bonnets.
Hearse plumes.
Railroad al stoves.
Detachable cuffs.
Carved meerschaum pipes.
Wristlets.
Ear muffs.
Niagara Falls transparencies.
Bell ringers.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

And most of our troubles are magni
fed at short range.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

Nc thinker of the era can surpass
The dream we call the sweet girl
graduate.
We've heard her essay many times be-
fore,
tire.
The new ones are the same as those
And all were going to set the world
on fire.
We cannot doubt her good intentions,
still,
This life is full of mighty stumbling
blocks,
And, like the others. in ten years she
Be satisfied to darn some good mans
socks.
DRAFT THE SCIENTISTS.
The scientists inform US that there's
danger lurking in the kiss.
They've conjured up a kissing gauZe
that's to be worn by every miss.
The gauze will keep the microbes from
the s~preadin' of a grim disease.
For kissin' microbes, so they say, VIII
sting a Teller just like bees.
Though / have lived a lot. I've vet 10
see the Teller old or young
Who walks on top of this old earth VINO
wouldn't just as soon be stung.
Them old professors dom seem able to
give other folks a rest.
| They're always hinkin' up some
scheme to knock Dan Cupid gal
ley west.
Why don't they 'tend to their own bust
ness. "dopin" grammar out. and
laws?
Instead of spoilin' all our fun by
boosting their new kissing gauze?
If my Irene. the village queen, does mix
up microbes with romance;
They won't sell me no kissing screen
A good sport always takes a chance.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery

This supplies pure blood-by aiding digestion, increasing assinnasBOa
and imparting tone to the whole circulatory system. It's a heart tone
and a great deal more, having an Alternative action on the liver an1
kidneys, it helps to eliminate the poisons from the blooA
To enrich the blood and increase the red blood corpuscles, dheuby
feeding the nerves On rich red blood and doing away with nervous inf-
liability, take DIR. Pierces Golden Medical Discovery and do NOT pennk
a dishonest dealer to insult your intelligence with the lust = 1908
kind" The Discovery" has 40 years of cures behind 1t and c0allmD
nc alcohol OF narcotics. Ingredients plainly printed on wrappeE
DIR. Pierces Common Sense Medical Adviser is sent free ON recA41g
stamps to pay expense of wrapping and mailing only. Send 81 oneee4
stamps for the French cOth-bound book. Address Dr. R.V Pierce. DdMA NY
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
IMPOSSIBLE THINGS.

To make a pianola play as well at
home as it did in the store.
To get in the last word with a life
insurance agent.
To keep a woman from writing on
both sides of the paper.
To get the buttons in a white vest
without breaking one of the command
nentS
To look dressed up when you a a
ready-tfed four-in-hand on.
To understand the telephone CONVEX
sation of a s~tenographer who is chew
ing gum.
To refrain from turning to the sport
ing page Of a newspaper first.
To get a theater seat that suits even
if it is the one you asked for.
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05

IL the blood is poor and filled with he
poisons from diseased kidneys or in1c-
tive liver, the heart is not only sfzrvuf
bat poisoned as well. There &pe Mnnny
due to impure hdn0A-suct
as dropsy. fainting spells, nervoss6ebR
ity or the many scrofulous cCuditiOnes
ulcers, fever sores" white swellings,
All can be overcome and curedby
The Wagner post. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-current, 1912-04-05
PERSONAL.

Nv N"As N'o so"i sA"aS
ers very nicely by putting them be-
| tween the mattresses on the bed.
Inquirer-Napoleon lived almost en-
| tirely upon onions. This explains two
| things-his great strength and the rea-
| son for exiting him to the d~esolate
| Island of ST. Helena.
G. F. R.-The legislature is so called
because it does about everything in the
world excepting legislate.
Young Writer-There is only one sure
way of landing all of you stories in a
magazine and that is to marry the edi-
tors daughter.
M~ildred-Take one quart Of carbolic
| acid before each meal for a few days
and our cold will soon disappear.
THOSE ANNOYANCES.
A Harvard professor-and therefore
some professor, indeed-says there are
| really no a~nnoyances in life except
those which spring from the magma
ton. 1t is not exactly proper to apply
that short and ugly north pole word to
a Harvard professor, SO we will merely
say we believe he has erred. A profess
sor doesn't get out around much n
perhaps this one heard of the follow
ing little a~nnoyances with which the
i~minagination has nothing whatever TO
do:
Getting a package of filagreed shirt
waists and female lingeries home
from the laundry by mistake when you
are in a hurry to catch a train and
haven't a clean shirt to your back.
Having some extremely healthy
and well fed person give you advice
on what to eat when you can't keep
anything on you stomach but your
union suit.
Getting up in the middle of the
night to answer the telephone only to
find that the man IN the other end OF
tho limo tc fryin0 IN Upt the hrpyVprV
Having some one ask you where the
Second Presbyterian church is when
you don't even know where the first
one is.
Getting on the street car with a
lonesome nickel and having two girl
friends get on at the next corner.
WITH US SOON AGAIN.
On ologies and isms she's a shark;
There's nothing in this world she
doesn't know;
She makes the population pause and
bark
AS words of wisdom from her lips
do flow
Dead language she reels of by the
score;
She knows this fourth dimension
thing by heart.
She's ready quite to strike out from
And sail life's troubled sea without
a chart.
{ Political conditions vex her not;
She knows how to cure all her our
try's ills;
She'd fix the labor problem on the spot
And set the wheels all turning In the
mills.
She's letter perfect and she leads heI
class
In every modern theory to date.
The Detroit times., 1912-09-20

lob Priafing done Right. Tines
Printips Co., IS John r. 81.
The Detroit times., 1912-09-20
CHALONER GIVES OUT
MESSAGE FROM HELL

WASHINGTON, Sept. 20.-John
Armstrong Chaloner, a member Of the
Chanler FAMILY OF New York, who Is
legally insane in that state although
legally sane In Virginia, says he has
received o message from hell through
his deceased friend. Thomas Jeffer-
SON Miller. Chaloner, who lives at
Merry Mills, Va. came to Alexandra
to ret the message from Miller.
v Ohaloner says Miller informed him
That Hell IL more an AFFAIR OF the In
Reflect. will power and aspiration than
merely combustion" and that the tenn
perature Ii OF the nature Of our tenn
perate zone. Thus Chaloner quotes
Miller:
I'm herr morality is as enthusiast.
caIiy and scientifically taught as
mathematics and physics at any uni
4 yersity. Justice rules, but II Is un-
tempered by mercy"
Chaloner says Miller declared that
on arriving In hell he found himself
10 have been Marshal Ney In life. He
had assumed his stature and features,
and had conversed with Napoleon
Bonaparte. who later appeared before
him in the costume Of Michael Angelo.
Again Chaloner quotes Miller:
ION reaching here the FIRST sensa-
ton experienced was that OF awaken.
Ing after sound and peaceful sleep.
1 felt refreshed, vigorous, calm and
cheerful Not pain nor an ache.
and not q care on my mind, could
scarcely believe my senses, this un-
utterable relief from years and years
3 OF pain and care.
"All these delightfully."- new sensa-
lions coursed through my being before
II had time to open my eyes and see
where I was. When did open my
eyes what did I behold! Napoleon
Bonaparte sitting upon throne the
like OF which never before was seen. "
! In the opinion OF Miller, according
20 the message TO Chaloner, Satan is
- thoroughly misunderstood person.
atty. Satan Ii no enemy of Jehovah
- 10 sin. Satin Is Jehovah's public
prosecutor. Briefly, Satan Is the high
est power In heaven after the Trim
ity He reigns In hell, but appears
IN heaven as he pleases.'
Satan, Miller declares, according tc
Chaloner. IL a prince, gentleman, q
hero and a noble creature.
The Detroit times., 1912-09-20
BATTLE WITH SNAKE;
HAS MARROW ESCAPE

BERLIN, Sept 20.--The reptile keep.
.er at the 400 in Frankfort had a marrow
escape from death today. A 2b-foot
snake OF an unnamed species was APP
Darently sick and refused to take food
The doctor who looks after the snakes,
ordered bath for the snake and four
Keepers began 20 immense him.
Suddenly the snake became furious
and tried TO epcircle all four men In
ffs coils. Three escaped, but the snake
Kraflbed the fourth by the arm. The
other three prevented him from coll
Ing around the man. These three ala
lheir utmost 10 make the snake loosen
hts grip, but without success. They
even tried 10 force chisels between ms
isrk but this did not make him iet
Finally the men. who had been re-
enforced. resorted to a tug OF war,
some pulling the snake and others the
man Finally they succeeded In drag
cling the snake away. but I'm doing so
he tore out a mouthful Of the mans
arm,
! The rescued keeper tainted from loss
Of blood and shock and was taken Ga
the hospital The doctors say he will
recover.
The snake. which lost a few teeth
Appeared 20 be unconcerned, and soon
rtlnpsed into torpidity.