davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

J%osepllus Daniels. of North Carolina.
a away from his nome in Raleigh
for a long time during the campaign.
inasmuch as he was actively concerned
In the Wilson presidential movement.
J%osephus has in his household an old
negro nanny who has been with the
family for many years. A short time
ago the mn came In to Mrs. Dam
iels and said:
"whar's Mistah Joe? Why dom he
cOme homc?"
Why" MIS-. Daniels replied. hes up
in New York trying to elect Il presi-
dent"
"Who-all's runnin' this year, mann
my asked.
MIR. Wilson and MIR. Taft and Mr..
Roosevelt" Mrs. Daniels told her.
Lam sakes." exclaimed the old
woman. II thought Mistuh Bryan
mos ingincrraly run!'
rs that really the Rock of Gibral-
tar?" inquired the lady tourist of the
captain as the ship from New York
was entering the Mediterranean.
1T is. madam" said the captain.
Then where is the insurance sign"
she demanded.
-
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20
II have "A tishing boat und a chauffeu,

"tIow do you mean?'
~ am always bailing them out
In Georgia they tell of a prisoner who
mad been convicted Il dozen times OF steal
ing. who. when placed at the bar for his
latest offence, displayed IA singular curios-
ity.
Your Honor" said he. II should like
to have my case postponed for a week.
My lawyer is sick"
But said the magistrate. you were
caught with your hand in this gentle
mans pocket. What ran your cOunsel SAY
In your defence?"
Exactly 30. your Honor: that is what
I am curious to know"
Mrs. Humphrey Ward and her novels
were being discussed. A poet said: III met
the Humphrey Wards during the last
London season. Poor Humphrey himself
Ia rather o~vershadowed by his wife. and
I think he feels 1t. At dinner a lady said.
In olden times men. claimed that it was
possible for them to make themselves in.
visible Tha liz still possible, madam,
said Humphrey Ward, in his grave. sad
way. Possible for a man to make him.
self invisible!' the lady cried. How on
earth can he do it?' BY marrying a cele.
brated wife, was the reply
a Ficn CnlcagO DfOker wa StrOlling on
State street n day when his beautiful,
young wife stole up behind him. threw
her arms around his neck. and kissed him
heartily. Tut! tut!" the man said. hur.
riedly Strengthening his hat. tut! tut
This sort of thing. my dear. is most un.
dignificd.' His wife dropped her eyes and
answered demurely :-'Oh, excuse me. .Iohn
- dtdn't know it was you"
-
prisoner at the bar. I find YOU have
been sentenced to prison twice before
what have you to say why 1 should not
send you there again?' IT urge. your
against q third term
The court clerk says in accent low:
You're charged with speeding. Richar I'd
Roe"
Thu copper says in accents sour.
The rate was eighteen miles an hour"
The chauffeur murmurs with a whine:
II wasn't going over nine
The judge aside his law book laws.
And says: .'Ten dollars or ten DAYS.
Some OF the given by candidates
tor tho Chicago police force At q recen,
examination. were:
"The duties of . policeman are to guard
the peace and limb OF the city,"
III I found . man on my beat SUFFERING
With = broken leg. I would ask him hil
name, address. age. occupation. married
Or single. and would then see II IN would
rather 60 home or to q hospital"
burglary IL Q crime where you crawl IN
. mans houae, with the Intention Of In.
timtdAtinE 70 eteal.'
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

yOu.
Private" John Allen went to visit an
old friend at a hospital in New Orleans.
The invalid was being fed on. a Diet of
egg n sherry, Ind Allen asked him how
he liked it.
John" said the friend sadly, lit would
be all right II the & was AZ new as tho
sherry n the sherry as old as tho
egg"
There IL q good story concerning a cer-
tain trip Of inspection, when Louis Hill
and q party Of officials were taking a peek
at the station agents somewhere along the
line In Minnesota. At = station We may
call oscarville. n agent. perhaps fore
warned. Was observed frantically moving
trucks and .'cleaning up
There's . hustler for you,'' aid one
OF the party.
"Humph." said Hill.
At another station the agent met them
srnilingly. smoking q good cigar and clad
in his best clothes. He was frankly idling
yet nothing was askew.
Well. what do you think of thai? - CONF
mented n Of Hills friends. there's an
agent woh has time { oaf.
"Humph." sale Hill.
A month later the .loafer'. was pro-
moted.
'If . man can get the work lone with-
Y doing Il himself. he's the man for
me-" was the explanation Of h railroad
president.
Fred Kelly began his busy life SELL
Ing papers In an Ohio city. He had
3 subscribers. but n day one Of
hem: 2 negro. stopped his paper.
around to 80 what wa
whats the matter with the paper. -
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

A. 4. Whipple. who was in the real cs
tate business in Kansas City when Ninth
and Grand avenue property was listed as
suburban. is regarded as a hero by his
personal friends. In assuming this atti-
tude. they take the ground that any a
who will go ahead and do a thing against
his most mortal fears is deserving of a
Carnegie medal the size of a 1nner plate.
The thing i'm question is the making of
public speeches.
II regard an invitation tn make an after
dinner talk as a challenge" MIR. Whipple
! said one day. II argue this way: My
friend Blank believes ! am afraid to face
"a crowd and make IL speech: he doubts
my personal courage. Now it's up to me
he takes me to be. If my knees tremble
and knock together I shall lean against
the table so he will never know. l am in
some respects like the soldier who was
charging with the rest of his regiment
up the heights of Nicksburg but 80 scared
he looked like a ghost. A comlade next
to him was unafraid and even smiled at
the torrents of grape shot that swept the
| ranks. The cOmrade. noticing his friends
| plight, turned to him and said with a
sheer:
"'Coward.'
Coward YOURSELF retorted the fright
cned soldier. Old man, if YOU were one
tenth as scared as | am. you'd have brok-
en- ranks and run, long ago.
A small negro boy went to a physician
in Louisville to he treated for a painful
sensation in one of his ears. The doctor
examined and found the ear was full OF
water.
How did this happen" he asked after
he had drained the eal-''bcen going in
swimming?"
Nav. sub. said the little darky-'heen
eattn' waterrnclOu.'
When Hartford Marshall. the New York
lawyer. was an assistant district attorney
under jerome. he was charged with prose-
cutions of the fortune telicrs and fake
mediums who infested parts of the city.
Marshall got evidence against a so-called
crystal gazer and sent County Detective
AL Thomas to make the arrest.
Thomas, pretending to be a customer,
called on the seer and asked for a read
ing. The faker took Thomas brawny left
palm in one hand and his crystal hall in
the other and after pecrlng in a rapt
manner. first at one and then at the other,
seemed to go off into n trance. Presently
his lips moved.
"A shape Is lowering above met" he said
in impressive ones. "It comes nearer and
nearer-it ts an ANGEL"
Great" said Thomas. .'If said angel
is a friend OF yours you'd better bring
him along with you to put up the bail.
You're %pinched!"
When Charles A. cotterill was making
an automobile tour in northwestern Ohio
not . long time ago with a member Of
congress the machine got stuck in the
mud. and the party invaded q farmers
house. with = request for dinner.
Il don't know you." SAID the congress.
man to the farmer. ''and you don't. know
me. but you elected me to congress-. and
now l want you to give us a dinner"
The farmer and his wife furnished an
elaborate meal. mo It was when the -.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

Tho German ministry Of education
proposes to Introduce the use Of the
cinematograph In various courses ut
institutions OF higher education. Films
Tor courses IN anatomy. biology and
,ba~cteriology arc already available in
Germany. A leading philanthropist has
presented two fully equipped moving
picture machines to tho schools Of
Berlin. one Of which 10 to be used In
the higher normal schools and the 9TH
q In the high schools.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

There has been a marked increase in
Europe in the use Of cremation as a
method Of disposing Of the dead. Last
year there were 1856 cremations in
Germany, a. against $500 In 1910. At
present there are 30 crematories in
Germany and almost Is many in Italy.
In England there were 1903 cremations
in 1911. - against $40 in 1910. Re-
gently Switzerland has passed q law
which practically makes interment ex-
cOptlonal.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

Tho latest in automobile paints comes
from England. One Of the largest
Arms there has just brought out u new
,varnish called "Lumino Aluminium
Paint" n 1t 10 stated that h glow
OF tho paint on q dark night is SO
bright that the car IL visible for two
miles without being htted with lamps
People on the roads near the factory al
first were frightened by the strangely
glowing. lightless cars which silently
skimmed through the village.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

The man with the longest name in
the world has been n~aturalized at FIT.
Worth, Tex. He 10 a Greek. works in q
packing house and IL 81 years old. AZ
he IL only s feet, 4 inches tall, his name
10 nearly al long az himself. The new
citizens name. which contains 80 let
ters, 10 :
topolos. His hrst name IL Gus. Mr..
Pap, etc., wal unable to pronounce 1t
himself before the federal commission
or, who commenced to hear 1t at z
o'clock and finished at 3.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

Recently in San Francisco bay the
new submarine boat FL established a
worlds record for depth during "a six
hour submerged cruise. The craft went
down to a depth Of 28S feet and main
tanned this depth for 10 minutes while
travelling at a speed Of six knots. then
rising t. a depth Of 10 feet 1t proceed
cd at q speed of eight knots. The pre-
.vious record for depth was held by the
Seal, a lake type submarine. oficially
designated GIL, when went to a depth
az 166 f~eet.-Chicago Tribune.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20
JESUS THE FATHER
OF SAVED HUMANITY
~ PASTOR RUSSELL

Cincinnati. Ohio.
Dec. 3. Pastor
Russell's meetings
wer the religious
feature here today
We report one Of
his addresses o
the X He shalt
be called the Ever
lasting Father
Isaiah TX. s.
Gods people tOs-
day have superior
advantages for
Bible study--gen-
eral ability to read,
convenient Bibles.
better lights. moro
comfortable quar-
ters, a. d more
leisure. Az tina
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

by tho provisions OF q new ordinances
IL years NAV ~. nsrt TIN" Ia a rHe n,,e, %
theatrical unless che has the consent
of II women, representing ~ many
organizations. This cabinet OF women
was appointed % an amendment to an
ordinance which required the consent
OF b mayor or the president OF the
city council.-Municipal Facts.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

One Of swttserland's noted glaciers.
that Of ealeins1. has fallen . victim TO
the Great st. Bernard railroad It haG
been found worth while to quarry the
glacler and sell the ice. First Il q
blasted with dynamite and then the
blocks are shot down an inclined plane,
lMos . mile and Q half In length. to
the bottom o4 the valley.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20
Al English physician says that blush

An English physician says that blush
ing il q temperamental popularity. In
most cases the sufferers are sensitive
NJ shy. and with the frst blush they
become acutely sel~f-conscious. Usually
the infirmity il merely disagreeable.
n simply lessons h pleasure that
ought to be felt in conversation and
social intercourse, but In some cases
the habit OF blushlng is 80 marked that
1t might almost b called a disease. In
such cases It virtually banishes the suf-
1erer from society. however much he
may be fitted In other ways for intel
1ectual companionship.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-20

lars. Her friend was very much Inn
pressed. and remarked:
Them sho' Is fine clo'cs, but bcfo'
Heaven. what is you goin' to do wild all
dis black underwear"
The bereaved one sighed:
Chile, when I NOUNS I NOUNS"
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

continued its use until Iwas made we'll. -
Mrs. HENRY LEIsEBERG, 743 Adams 81.
Kearneysville, w. Va.-"I feel it my
duty TO write and say what Lydia q.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound has
done for me. I suffered from female
weakness and at times felt so miserable
/ could hardly endure being on my feet.
After taking Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound and following your
special directions, my trouble is gone
Words fail to express my thankfulness.
/ recommend your medicine TO all my
friends. - Mrs. G. B. WILMINGTON.
The above are only two of the thou-
sands of grateful letters which are con-
stantly being received by the Pinkham
Medicine Company of Lynn, Mass. which
show clearly what great thingshLyd z.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compsisnd does
for those who suffer from wooksn's ILL.
IL you want special advice write TO
Lydia Ee Pinkham Medicine Go. cords
dential) Lynn, Mass. Your letter VIII
be opened, read and answered by 4
woman and held In strict confidence
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
NO TROUBLE IN COLLECTING
Lawyer Probably Was Willing TO Pay
More Than $40 Under the
circumstances.

A Re2ad lawyer of Tennessee, who
labored ander the defects of having
high temper and of being deaf,
walked into q court room presided
over by a younger man, Of whom the
older practitioner had a small op1n-
ion
Presently, in the hearing Of mo-
ton, there was a clash between the
lawyer and the judge. The judge or
dered the lawyer to sit down, and as
the lawyer, being deaf, didn't hea4
him and went on talking, the Judge
fined him $40 for contempt
The lawyer leaned toward the clerk
and cupped his hand behind his ear.
What did he say?" he inquired.
He fined you $1O,'' explained the
clerk
For WHAT"
'sFor contempt Of this court" said
the clerk
The lawyer shot poisonous look
toward the bench and reached hand
into his pocket.
I'll pay it, he said. ITS a just
debt. Saturday Evening Post.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
Bio Crop Yarns Are Ripe.

Secretary Wilson OF the depart
ment OF agriculture was talking about
the record crops OF 1912.
These wonderful crops" he said,
are almost enough to make you be-
lieve the cross-cut saw story.
"A farmer, you know, sent his hired
man to neighbours with a note say
ing:
Friend Smith: VIII you please
lend me your cross-cut saw, as wish
to cut a watermelon up so as to get
1t into my dray?
1.-THE neighbor wrote back:
Friend Jones: I would be glad to
lend you my saw, but same has just
got stuck in a canteloupe.'"
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
E E9R rA All RssS zIlsIZ
Poser for the Doctor.

$50
Dr. Lewis White Allen, the Denver
psychologist, was giving an informal
talk on physiology upon the windy,
sea-fronting porch Of an Atlantic City
hotel
Also he said, st has lately been
found that the human body contains
sulphur
SULPHUR exclaimed a girl in a
blue and white blazer. How much
sulphur is there, then, in a girls
body ?''
Oh said DR.. Alien, smiling, the
amount varies.
"And is that" asked the girl, why
some of us make SO much better
matches than others ?"-St. Louis
be-Democrat
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
Hairy Feed.

A travelling man stopped at a hotel
recently, said the Cassidy Times. He
found hair in the honey. He went
to the proprietor and kicked. can't
help it, said the landlord T bought
it for combed honey" The next day
the travelling man found a hair in the
ice cream, but the landlord said that
was all right, as the ice had been
shaved. Again he found hair in the
apple pie. This surprised the landlord
greatly. Why" said he, they told
me those apples were BaldWins. -
Kansas City Journal.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
Grasped His Opportunity.

convicts who met for momant alone
in a corridor and took advantage of
the fact for a hurried interview. Said
one, How long are you in fort"
For life, responded the other.
And how long are you in for?'
Twelve years, responded the other.
Then said the 'lifer,' cautiously
extracting letter from its hiding
place, as he glanced fearfully around,
take this and mail it for me when
you get out
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
a Rhine Museum.

A Rhine museum is soon to be
founded at Koblenz, If present plans
are carried out. 1t will include a
large collection OF charts, pictures.
models and diagrams illustrating the
physical conditions, past and pres
ent, Of the famous river, and cons
plete exposition OF Its economic his
tory. The city Of Koblenz has already
given a site for the building.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
Inspiring Experience.

A lady who must certainly have
been related to the late Mrs. Parting
ton recently returned from a seventy
day tour Of Europe.
To her friends she said with enthus.
iasm that Of all the wonderful things
that she had seen and heard, she be.
lieved the thing she. enjoyed most OF
all was hearing the French pheasants
sing the mayonnaise. Youth's Com
panion.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
What She. Said.

How well you look!"
Do you think SOP
YES, indeed. 4 do never saw you
looking better in my ife.''
I'm so glad to hear you say SO. l
hope you mean it,
Il really do. Onlyth other night
I was saying to my husband that
there are lot Of women know who
aren't half so old as you that don't
look nearly SO young: Free
Press.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
On a Summer Day.

Maud Muller was raking the hay.
I'm an intelligent agriculturist at
the very time you are in danger of the
recall" she explained in refusing the
judge.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
WiIiie's Strategy.

Uncle George, wish you wouldn't
give Willie any more nickels.'
why, that's all right, Jane. The
little fellow ran right up the front
stairs to put the coin in his savings
bank"
..And he ran right down the back
stairs to the nearest candy shop"
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
Slow Leurtship.

Bings-Funny, isn't It, how city's
atmosphere and habits leave marks
on its inhabitants?
Jingo-Yes. OF course you connect
Pittsburg and the smoke?
Bings-Oh, no! A Philadelphian,
aged eighty, has just been Tilted by a
spinster in that city, aged seventy
five.-Judge.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
Bad Practice.

Fresh Boarder Mrs Simpkins, you
would never get employment In q
street railway Office
Landlady-Why not?
Fresh BoarderY You exhibit too
strong a tendency to cut down the
fare.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
SUFFERED
Everything
For Fourteen Years. Restored
To Health by Lydia E. Pink.
hams Vegetable
Compound.
Elgin, Ill. --st After fourteen years Of
suffering everything from female CONF

plants, I am at last
restored to health.
g I employed the
b st doctors and
even went to the
hospital for treat
nent and was told
there was no helpfor
me. But while taxi
ing Lydia E. Pink-
hams Vegetable
Compound / began
IN snnrova and
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

a great majority Of summer ills are
due to Malaria in suppressed form. Las
situde and headaches are but two symp-
tomg,. OXIDINE eradicates the Malaria
geri Ind tones up the entire system. Adv.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
Sounds Familiar

What did the preacher preach about
Sunday?''
Thou shalt not steal"
I'm getting tired Of that kind Of
talk. What business has a preacher
got mixing in politics 2"
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

AS a summer tonic there is no medicine
that quite compares with OXIDINE. It not
only builds up the system. but taken reg
uiarly, prevents Malaria. Regular or Taste.
less formula at Druggists. Adv.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

We seldom take . deep and vital
interest in the affairs OF our neigh
sunless they owe us money.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

Mrs. Wiuslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething. softens the gums, reduces intlamma
ton. allays pain, cures wind collie, 25c bottle.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

The noblest service comes from
nameless hands, and the best servant
does his work unseen o. w. Holmes
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

There's many slip 'twixt the az
and the chip.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

Sufficient unto the day is the night
that cometh after
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

TO DRIVE OUT MALARIA
AND BUILD UP EHE SXSTEsMsa
CHILL TONIC. Tou know what You ore taking.
The formula is plainly printed on every bottle,
showing Ii is simply Quinine and Iron In . tasteless
form, and the most eFectual form. For grown
people and children, so cents. Adv.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

Regular practicing physicians recommend
and prescribe OXIDINE for Malaria. be-
cause it is a proven remedy by years Of ex-
perience. Keep bottle in the medicine
chest and administer at first sign OF Chills
and Fever. ADV.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

By the time a man gets old he ought
to have sense enough not to let it
worry him.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
I No. 6 s S

This Is prescription prepared especial
~ for Chills and Fever. Five or six doses
will break any case Of ChiIls and Fever.
and if taken then as tonic the Fever will
not return. It acts on the liver better than
calonel and does not grippe OF sicken. 2sc.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
AS one Sees It..

AS One Sees It.
Zones grumbles that his wife can't
cake a joke"
That's funny, seems to me-
'.How so?''
"she took jones' Judge
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
When the Euu Is Laid.

When the Egg Is Laid.
Patience-The hen never counts
her chickens before they are Matched.
Patrice-But you must remember
she does a whole lot of cackiing.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

AS summer tonic there is no medicine
that quite compares with OXIDINE. It not
only builds up the system but taken reg
lass formula at Druggists. Adv.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12

Trial Marriages Favored.
Mrs. Hoyle-What is your husbands
platform?
Mrs. DOYLE think he favors the
recall of marriage certificates.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1912-10-12
Article XII.

l. All articles and parts of articles of
the Constitution of 1898 on the subject OF
assessment and taxation, and all amend
ments thereto on said subjects contrary
to or in conflict with the provisions of this
be and the same are hereby
repealed