Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1912-05-30
dare saw"

it into the aisle, set the Gladstone
on the lap of the Infatuated English
man, and squeezed into the seat OPP
posite, making sad mix-up OF knees.
MY names Wellington. Ever hear
of lii Jimmie Wellington? That's
me-"
Amy relation to the Duke?"
"Nagh!"
He no longer interested Mr.. Wedge
wood. But Mr.. Wellington was not
aware that he was being snubbed. He
went right on getting acquainted:
Are you married, Mr.-Mr.-?"
moi"
MY heartfelt congratulations.
Hang on to your luck, my boy. Don't
let any female take it away from you. !"
He slapped the Englishman on the
elbow amiably, and his prisoner was
too stified with wrath to emit more
than one feeble "Pawtah!"
Mr.. Wellington unused on aloud:
"Oh. if | had only remained single.
But she was so beautiful and she
swore TO love, honor and obey Mrs.
Wellington is queen among women,
mind you, and ! have nothing TO say
against her except that she has the
temper of a tarantula." He italicized
the word with light flip OF his left
hand along the back OF the seat. He
did not notice that he filliped the
angry head OF Mr.. Ia Lathrop in the
next seat. He went on with his por-
trait of his wife. "She has the
Extravaganza of sultana"-another
flip for Mr.. Lathrop-"the zhealousy
of a cobra, the righteousness OF a
humming bird" Mr.. Lathrop was glar-
ing round like man-eating tiger, but
Wellington talked on. "She drinks,
swears and smokes cigars, otherwise
she's fine-a queen among women"
Neither this amazing vision OF wom-
ankind, nor this beautiful example or
longing for confession and sympathy
awakened a response in the English
mans frozen bosom. His only action
was another violent effort to disengage
his cramped knees from the knees Of
his tormentor; his only comment
vain and weakening, cry for help,
"Pawtah! Pawtah!"
Wellington's bleary, teary eyes were
lighted with triumph. Finally saw
couldn't stand it any longer so l
bought a tic-hic-et to Reno. stab
lish a residensh in six monfths-get a
divorce-no shcandal. Even m'own
wife won't know anything about it,"
The Englishman was almost attract
ed by this astounding picture of the
divorce laws in America. 1t sounded
sa barbarically quaint that he leaned
forward TO hear more, but Mr.. Yelling
tons hand, like a mischievous run
away, had wandered back into the
shaggy locks atop of Mr.. Lathrop. His
right hand did not let his left know
what it was doing, but proceeded quite
independently to grip as much OF
Lathrop's hair as it would hold.
Then as Mr.. Wellington shook with
Joy at the prospect of Dear old
Reno!" he began unconsciously to
draw Ira Lathrop's head after his hair
across the seat. The pain of it shot
the tears into Lathrpp's eyes. and as
he writhed and twisted he was too
full of profanity to get any one word
out.
When he managed to wrench his
skull free, he was ready to murder his
tormentor. But as soon as he con-
fronted the doddering and blinking
topper, he was helpless. Drunken men
have always been treated with great
tenderness in America, and when We'll
lington, seeing Lathroy's white hair,
exclaimed with rapture: "Why, hello,
Pop! here's Pop!" the most that Lath-
rop could do was to tear loose those
fat, cropping hands, slap them like a
school teacher, and push the man
away.
But that one shove upset Mr.. Wei
lington and sent him topping down
upon the pit of the Englishman's stom
ach.
For Wedgewood, it was suddenly as
If all the air had been removed from
the world. He gulped like a fish
drowning for lack of water. He was
long while getting breath enough FOL
words, but his first words were wild
demands that Mr.. Wellington remove
himself forthwith.
Wellington accepted the banishmen
with the sorrowful eyes OF a dyint
deer, and tottered away wagging hi
fat head and wailing:
I'm a broken-hearted. man, and no
body gives "a" At this point he ca
romed over into Ira Lathrop's bertl
and was welcomed with savage roar
what the DEVILS the matter witt
you?"
"I'm a broken-hearted man, that
ALL"
"Oh, is that ALL" Lathrop snapped
vanishing behind his newspaper. Tn
desperately melancholy seeker for
word Of human kindness bleared a
the blurred newspaper wall while
then waded into a new attempt at az
quaintance. Laying his hand on Latf
rop's knee, he stammered: less
cuzhe me, MIMI"
From behind the newspaper came
stingy answer: "Lathrop's my nam
If you want to know"
PLEASED to meet you, Mr.. Lothrop.
"Lathrop!"
"Lathrop! My names Wellington
l.< n