davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Acme of Lazlness.

A story is told Of a man who held
the Kansas record for laziness. AS he
too lazy to do anything at all, his
neighbors finally decided to bury him
alive. They laid him in the bottom Of
the wagon and started for the ceme-
terry. On the way they were me- by
a mar who asked what they were do
ing with that man.
HE won't work, and he has nothing
to eat, so We are taking him to the
cemetery to bury him alive" was the
reply.
Touched with pity, the stranger
said:
Friends. I have a sack Of corn
here that he is welcome to-"
Hearing this, the lazy man raised
his head long enough to inquire:
rs it ~shelled?"
mo, 1t isn't, but
Drive on" interrupted the doomed
man, as his head disappeared from
view.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
DISTRESSING CASE OF HIVES

81 retired one evening and after
sleeping a couple of hours was awak-
ened by a burning sensation all over
the upper part Of my body. 1t was
just simply terrible and made it i'm
possible for me to sleep the rest of
that night, so l had to sit up all night
changing my position every couple of
minutes. AS the hours went by it
grew worse and soon 1 started to
scratch myself. When daylight ar
rived I say that my body was covered
with large red marks about an inch
or two apart. My face was also af-
fected. l went to see a doctor. He
told me that l must have eaten some
thing poisonous, and l had the hives.
He prescribed a medicine and also
gave me some ointment.
"As the days went by I steadily
grew worse, the marks changing from
n part of my body to another. The
medicine and ointment were of no
use. One evening by chance looking
over the papers l saw the Cuticura
Remedies advertised. I Immediately
procured some Cuticura Ointment and
applied it to my body. 1t seemed to
cas- my skin right away. l kept on
using the Cuticura Ointment for a
week and can say that it certainly was
the finest preparation I had ever used.
1t completely cured me, and I have not
been troubled since" (Signed) Will
liam Waterman, 1923 E. 109th ST., New
York City, Dec. 8, 1910. Although
Cuticura Soap and Ointment are sold
by druggists and dealers everywhere,
a sample of each, with 32-page book,
will be mailed free on application to
"Cuticura," Dept. L, Boston.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
st. Patrick's BirthpIace

Almost as many countries claim the
honor of being the natal soil of St.
Patrick as of Homer. Scotland, Eng
land, France, Wales, Cornwall and
Brittany all arrogate to themselves
the privilege of pointing out the
saints birthplace. Half a dozen dates
are given as that on which he was
born, but all unite in fixing upon the
18th of March as the date of his
death, which to a saint is the true
birthday, as he is then born into the
higher life. The years of life allotted
to him by the different dates vary
from rs to 120, but after the lapse of
fifteen centuries it is enough to know
that st. Patrick was a historic char
acter, who lived in the latter part of
the fourth century and the earlier
part of the fifth; that he lived to a
green old age, and that until the end
he was a man Of gentle deeds and
broad charity.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

Lapland is a great country for small
children.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

fly, but I tell them of my good friend,
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, and that there will be no back
ache and bearing down pains for them if
they will take it as | have. am scarcely
ever without it in the house.
81 will say also that l think there is
no better medicine to be found for young
girls. My eldest daughter has taken
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound for painful periods and irregular
ity, and it has helped her.
az am always ready and willing to
speak a good word for Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound. l tell every
one l meet that l owe my health and
happiness to your wonderful medicine"
Mrs. j. G. JOHNSON, Scottville, Mich,
RID. 8.
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, made from native roots and herbs,
contains no narcotics or harmful drugs,
and today holds the record of being the
most successful remedy for woman ills
known.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
FROM THE NORTH COUNTRY
Where the Winters Are Cold and the
Shows Deep.

Writing from the vicinity David
Harum made famous, a nan says that
he was an habitual coffee drinker, and,
although he knew it was doing him
harm, was too obstinate to give it up,
till all at once he went to pieces with
nervousness and insomnia, loss of ap-
petite, weakness, and a generally
used-up feeling, which practically I'M
fitted him for his arduous occupation,
and kept him on a couch at home
when his duty did not call him out.
while in this condition Grape
Nuts food was suggested to me, and I
began to use it. Although it was in
the middle Of winter, and the Their
mometer was often below zero, almost
my entire living for about six weeks
of severe exposure was on Grape-Nuts
food with a little bread and butter and
a cup of hot water, till l was wise
enough to make Postum my table bev-
erage.
After the first two weeks l began
to feel better and during the whole
winter l never lost a trip on my mail
route, frequently being on the road
Z or 8 hours at a time.
1.-THE constant marvel I'd me was
how a person could do the amount of
work and endure the fatigue and hard
ship as l did, on SO small an amount
of food. But l found my new rations
so perfectly satisfactory that l have
continued them-using both Postum
and Grape-Nuts at every meal, and
often they comprise my entire meal.
"All my nervousness, %irritability and
insomnia have disappeared and healthy,
natural sleep has come back to me.
But what has been perhaps the great
est surprise to me is the fact that
with the benefit to my general health
has come a remarkable improvement
in my eye-sight.
IF a good appetite, good digestion,
good eye-sight, strong nerves and an
active brain are to be desired, l can
say from my own experience, use
Grape-Nuts and Postum Name given
by Postum Co, Battle Creek, Mich.
Read the little book, The Road to
Wellviile," in pkgs. There's a reason"
Ever read the above IesterF A new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true, and full of human
interest
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
HARD QUESTION FOR MOTHER
lnqulsItlve Little One Sought lnfor-
nation That Has Puzzled the
Wlsest of Men.

Four-year-old Dorothy, being in a
thoughtful mood, wished to know
what she would be when she grew up.
Her mother told her she would be
first a young woman, then perhaps a
married woman, an old woman, a
grandmother and a great-grandmoth-
er.
"And after great-grandmother,
what?" Dorothy inquired.
Then you will die. Your soul will
go to heaven to live forever, and the
rest of you will be put under the soft
grass and flowers"
"Oh!" said Dorothy, and asked no
more questions at the time. When
her mother was undressing her for
bed that night, and the rosy little
figure stood uncovered, Dorothy said
eagerly:
Mother. will you show me Just
what part Of me will go to heaven to
live forever and what goes under the
flowers ?"-Lippincott's Magazine.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
coun.erfeiter Gets stiff Sentence.

William Fink, a Brooklyn, N. Y, dealer
in drugs, was sentenced by the New York
Court of Special Sessions, to imprison-
for four months. The charge was coun-
terfeiting the trademark for Carriers Lit
tie Liver Pills, in violation of the penal
law.
The Carter Medicine Company detected
the counterfeit before any quantity of the
spurious goods had been placed upon the
market. In sentencing Fink, Judge Deuel.
laid special stress upon the injury lone to
the public when a remedy so we'll known
as Carriers Little Liver Pills Is counter
feited and put on the market. He i'm
posed the sentence not only as the prop
er punishment of Fink himself, but in or
der to deter others from the commission
of like frauds in the future.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
f1auqters
Mf Grin
TalrdrA
Iu1np0

ORD BYRON looked into
the eyes of Anne Birming-
ham, countess Of Charlie
mont, in her day the most
beautiful woman in Ire
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
ON A PROFIT-SHARING BASIS
Managers Offer Most Generous, Still
1t Is Possible That the Greaser
Rejected Ii.

A common method of dealing with
greaser laborers in the new state of
New Mexico Is to have them work on
shares. A somewhat original applica-
ton of the system is told on a we'll
known manager Of one of the 10000
acre ranch corporations.
A certain Mexican had been &C.
costing the manager several times
and asking for a job.
well, come over to my Office" the
boss told him finally, land maybe l
can fix up something with you"
Now l need a lot of postholes dug"
he began.
What will you give me?" asked the
Mexican.
"Well." replied the employer gener-
ously, 81 will give you half. You can
dig my half on my ranch, and can put
your half wherever you please-pick
out soft ground for them If you
want to."-Metropolitan Magazine.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Made Nation of Missionaries.

st. Patrick changed the highly-gift-
ed race among whom he labored, not
simply into Christians, but into mis-
sionaries. 1t is a moot point whether
he was first to introduce writing; but
certain it is that until then the rage
for scholarship was unknown. The
youth of the nation, noble and sim
Pile, threw down the sword and hast
ened to the colleges and ~monasteries
that sprang, with mushroom growth,
throughout the land. Athirst for
knowledge, sacred and profane, they
eagerly imbibed all the world then
knew Of either, Impelled by noble
passion, they felt constrained to i'm
part of other less favored races the
gift that turned their own land into
a paradise.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

80 NE HUNDRED years ago
AVAA Ireland had a remnant of
#NIMM her ancient bards; fallen
M%SW from their. high estate, it
W. is true, being reduced in
great part to the nomad
habits of the strolling musician, old
and, in many cases, blind; but still
playing the old airs on pipes and harp,
and enjoying the love and affection Of
the Irish people. They had almost
disappeared when Edward Bunting I'M.
Erin's ancient m~instrelsy. An assem-
bly, of harpers was held at Belfast,
and the tunes as they were played
were taken down by Bunting. The
collection of airs which he published
formed the treasury of song from
which Moore cleaned his immortal
melodies.
Tbs movement to revive the min
strelsy of the Gael has received a
great impetus within recent years. 1t
affords a field of intellectual effort
wherein there is no room for the ra-
cial divisions which have proved so
disastrous in Ireland. Educated men
and women in Ireland of all shades Of
thought are helping along the good
work, and they find willing and loyal
a~uxiliaries in England, notably in the
great educational centers of Oxford
and Cambridge.
The late Sir Frederick Gore Ousely,
professor of music at Oxford, was a
deep student of Gaelic music and one
of its most fervent eulogists. Long
before Norman influence was brought
to bear on native art" writes Sir Fred
erick, there existed in Ireland tradi-
tional melodies, the origin Of which is
lost in antiquity"
New strength has been given the
movement by the accession Of Denis
O'Sullivan, the famous Irish-American
singer, to the ranks of the gifted men,
who are directing the Gaelic revival.
1t is an appropriate dispensation of
mysterious fate that a most popular
and influential leader in this patriotic,
artistic movement should come from
the ranks of the exiled children of the
Gael. Mr.. O'Sullivan was formally
commissioned to aid in the glorious
propaganda at a complimentary din
ner given to him recently by the Irish
parliamentary party in London. The
eloquent T. P. O'Connor spoke for
Ireland on the occasion.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
THE L
OF ERIN
Ancient Minstrelsy Is to
Be Preserved for
All Time.

NE HUNDRED years ago
Ireland had a remnant of
her ancient bards; fallen
from their. high estate, it
is true, being reduced in
great mart tO tho nOmad
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Time Told hx Shadows

Among curious clock novelties is the
shadow boudoir clock. With it there
is no need of getting up to strike a
light or turn on the bulb. All that is
necessary is to touch a button and
the time is flashed on the wall, after
the same fashion that signs are
flashed on the sidewalk. When the
owner Of the clock retires he turns a
night dial to the ceiling and when he
presses a bulb the electric light re
fleets from the dial through the lens
and appears. giving the correct time
In shadow on the ceiling.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Retort to the Point.

Dr. Mary Walker, who long dressed
in mems attire, had been lecturing in
a certain small country town. AS she
walked down the main street one aft
ernoon an impudent urchin called aft
er her:
"Say, are you the Mary that had a
little lamb?"
NO." answered DR.. Walker, "but
your mother had a little jackass."-
Lippincott's Magazine.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

Offering to bet that you are right is
a poor kind of argument.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Shot With a Knife.

Years ago in a stock performance OF
a famous old melodrama, the villain.
Charles Wolcott, suddenly discovered
that he had left his revolver in the
dressing 0 In much confusion, be
fumbled in his pocket and found a
penknife which, he figured, would do
just as well for the bloody deed. Imag-
Ane his CONSERVATION when, after
plunging the blade into the hero's
breast, that player failed to change
his lines and screamed at the top OF
his voice: Heaven forgive you! I'm
shot"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
CELTIC STRAIN IN AMERICA
Its IntermingIing With That of Other
Races Has Made This Nation
Strong and Great.

1t would take a volume, and a large
one, to set forth the whole of the
debt which America owes to men Of
Celtic blood. There is a sentimental
effort on foot by men of this race to
conserve the various branches of the
Celtic language and to perpetuate in
its purity to future ages the Celtic
blood. The sentiment is admirable.
The Celts, and particularly Irishmen,
have been noted for their ardent
patriotism. No people ever loved
their native sod with such a tender
ness of devotion as the people of this
green isle. But the Celtic race is
not sufficiently differentiated from
the Latin and from the Teutonic to
make perpetual segregation possible.
For 1000 years the amalgamation of
these European races has been going
on, and the amalgamation must go on
until in a complete mingling of the
various strains will arise one con-
glomerate people of various strains
of the highest type of humanity that
the world has ever known. The city
of Boston is more Irish than Yankee,
and the intermingling of the blood of
men like Patrick Collins with that
of the descendants of John Alden and
Cotton Mather is just what gives us
the men of whom we are proud. The
influence of this Celtic race, the pio-
neers Of all Europe, in its mingling
with the other strains of white blood
in the American people, is of more
value than the conservation of the
Erse sept in Connemara or Tyrone.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
s. % s s.

And in far later years. with the purest
devotion,
To the high cause of freedom full many
a son
OF the green shores Of Erin, the gem of
the ocean,
Fair evergreen laurels of glory has won.
The martyred O'Neal and the gallant
Fitzgerald
On the bright list Of glory forever shall
stand,
And fame circle Emmett the eloquent
herald,
Who Weakened the spirit and pride of
his land.
They are gone! they are gone! but their
memories lat linger
On the shores where they persisted no
wretch shall revile,
No slave of a tyrant shall dare point the
finger
OF scorn at those sons of the Emerald
Isle.
John Greenleaf Whittier.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Humorous Thrust.

HOW
The savage chief held a glittering
spear near the captive missionary.
do you like this?"
His lone was not facetious, but the
captive was undismayed.
We'll, if you ask me"
He glanced at the weapon. the pro
pinquity of which was not comforting.
ct goes against my stomach"
Unfortunately, however, the cap
tive was in a locality where there is
no market for humor, and the end
came soon.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Romance of the Rail-.

1t was on a Pullman car. The man
who Travelled for gents furnishings
had succeeded in working up a con-
~versation with the lonesome-looking
young woman. He leaned over her
and breathed in her ear:
Peaches, I'm taking a little trip to
New York. Don't you want to go
along?"
Sir" she said, angrily, you are go
ing too fart"
But she didn't object to accompany
Ing him as far as Schenectady.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
National Spirit Unsuhdued.

After six centuries of English domi.
nation, English law and English pol
icy and language in Ireland, Ireland
maintains it's national identity, and
it's people their racial consciousness.
not diminished, but stronger and
worldwide because of expatriation.
If the national spirit were ever at
the point of yielding under oppression
it was quickly revived by religion.
Love of his land and generation for
his religion are nowhere so closely
connected as in the Celt; hence the
patron saints day is the national day.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Sufficient Facts Are Known

All hail to the genial saint whose
good works are remembered. If the
hours Of labor are still numbered, it
is yet possible to send the mind afield
to take holiday in honor of st. Pat
rick, to wear a bit of green or a
spring of shamrock and to hang out
the banner with the harp of Erin on
it's folds. Be one Teuton. Scot or
Turk-it matters moist. Patrick
lived for all men. and no one was
ever the worse for a holiday given
over to innocent merriment and a
search for simple pleasures.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
The Biblical In Iunntinn

A Washington clergyman made a
call of consolation upon a who
had suffered a sad bereavement. 81
hope" said the pastor, that In your
bitter trial you have found some ray of
comfort from the Scriptures"
Indeed l have, sir" was the conf
dent though fearful reply.
That's grand, sister" was the SYM
pathetic observation Of the minister
May I ask what passage Of the Good
Book helped you most?"
Grin and hear it."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
No Chance about IL.

I'm awfully sorry 1t happened"
apologized the abject young man, aft
er the stolen kiss.
Happened" she exclaims. Hap
pened! That is worse than the kiss!
If YOU didn't have it in mind when you
asked me to stroll away back here in
this quiet corner of the conservatory
1 shall be offended. after all."-Judge.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
BY SISTERS OF HOLY CROSS
Endorsement Of Father Johns Medicine as
A Tonic and Body Builder. Cures
Colds and Lung Troubles.

This Is one Of the many letters we have received
from hospitals and institutions all over Canada and
the United States:-
I'VE cheerfuly Father Johns Medi-
cine as a good remedy for bronchial troubles and as
a tonic and body builder for those who are weak and
run down. Several persons Of our institution have
used 1t with beneficial results" (Signed) Sisters Of
Holy Cross, A Chandler St, Nashua, N. H. No a
cough syrup" or a patent medicine with weakening
stimulants. but a food medicine-the prescription OF
an eminent specialist. Cures colds and all throat
troubles.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
worthlIx Honor Rrlnaer of Ilnbt

Wonder not that the Irish honor
such a man as their national saint.
Hero worship had never a more sane
and noble object than the bringer of
light. In reverencing Patrick they
indirectly demonstrate their keen ap-
probation of what is superlatively
worthy. Great men have been born
into the race many a time since Pat
rick's death; but the mightiest of
hem is. in the estimation of all true
trishmen, small indeed when COM
pared to holy Patrick.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
MOTHER OF
LARGE FAMILY
Tells How She Keeps Her
Health - Happiness For
Those Who Take
Her Advice.
Scottville, Mich.-"I want to tell you
how much good Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg

anu
Sanative Wash have
done me. l live on a
farm andhaveworked
very h hard. l am
forty-five years old,
and am the mother
of thirteen children.
Many people think
it strange that l am
not broken down
with hard work and
tha cara of NV fam.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Makinn Gond

Sire" expostulated Nero's conf
Dental adviser, what do you propose
to do to rehabilitate this burning city
Of Rome so that its Inhabitants will
not hold the devastating confiagration
against your"
ooh, fddle!" retorted Nero.
Which he did.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

No one but a gossip can attend to
e~verybody's business at the same
time.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Qualifications.

Mrs. Knicker-Why did you engage
that cross-eyed cook?
Mrs. Bocker-Because I don't think
she can see through a keyhole.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

When a says she believes
every word her husband tells her, It's
dollars to doughnuts that the honey
is still in it's infancy.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

W.&H Walker, Pittsburgh, Pa, make over 500
cally household necessities and sell direct by
mail ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS saving middlemen's
profits, losses and expenses and to customers
they give clothing, furniture, ETC., representing
the saving-S2 in value for 81. Write for 224-
page Catalogue No. 10. You can be secretary
of a Walker Cooperative Club. Learn how.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

The woman who cares for a clean,
wholesome mouth, and sweet breath,
will find Paxtine Antiseptic a JOY for
ever. At druggists, 25c a box.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Eye SaIve i'm Asepttc Tube.

Prevents Infection-Murine Eye Salve
In Tubes for all Eye Ills. No Morphine.
Ask Druggists for New Size 25c. VAL
liable Eye Book in Each Package.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
Imnortant 70 Mnthars
Stinqy ThInu,

She-Oh, l have no doubt you love
me; but your love lacks the supreme
touch-unselishness.
He-What makes you say that?
She-You admit it. You want me
for yourself alone, you say.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

Most human maladies arise from wrong
dieting. Garfield Tea gives immediate relief.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

It's the c%ontrariness of her sex that
induces a oma to agree with a man
Just when he doesn't want her to.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

1dLlO, anu SACldll1C0.
Look in her face and you forget
all-everything else. All! that face!
to be loved by that woman l would
build and burn another Troy"
In Rome, in Florence, wherever she
went, men fell on their knees before
many declared her the most beautiful
woman that ever lived; Byron wrote
poems to her-unto his death he never
forgot her; and nine years after meet
ing her wrote to a friend, THE head
of Lady ~Charlemont, when l first saw
her, seemed to possess all that sculp-
ture could require for the ideal"
Ireland for ages has been famed for
Its lovely Women-women with eyes as
limpid as its lakes, as blue as its
skies, and voices as soft as the winds
that caress the green meadows; they
have been famed in song and story.
And shrined in the heart Of every true
lrishman with his desire for national
freedom is his love for his Kathleen
Mavourneen.
Lady Charlemont, who inspired both
Byron and Thomas Moore, had many
predecessors; has had many success
sors. Beauty flourishes in Ireland as
luxuriantly as the shamrock. Many Of
lreland's beauties, like Lady Pole
Carew, whom King Edward declared
the fairest woman in the United King
dom; Maude Come, the Irish Joan of
Arc" and Lady Nesta Fitzgerald, have
become famous. Others, like the gems
"of purest ray serene" which the
dark, unfathomed caves of ocean
bear" unfold their beauty in Ireland's
charming retreats, its secluded farms
and lake regions, unknown TO fame.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15
A Cruel Thrust.

He-Old age has no terrors for ne.
Shelf needn't have If it's true
that brainy men live long.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

To Dyspeptics: Others lave found a
steady course of Garfield Tea a pleasant
means of regaining health. Why not you?
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

Why suffer under the curse of Dyspepsia
when Garfield Tea can remove it?
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-03-15

The simple life Is best. Let your only
medicine be Garfield Tea, the pure and
proven remedy. All druggists.