davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
GLOBE SIGHTS
BY THE ATCRIsoN GLOBE.

1t is long time between SHOWS to a
boy with new sled.
If half the hurts were real the bandages
would not go around.
An argument over the telephone is tire
some, but it may be safer than the hand
to hand variety.
You may have observed that a YOUNG
Thing frequently shows Great Promise
without keeping it.
At a mans picnic, however, the thermos
bottle isn't considered essential as
some other kinds.
Investigation of the financial reports
show few fortunes are founded on the
profits of a country ball club.
1t is sometimes possible for a young
man to earn reputation as a thorough
bred by spending Fathers money.
1t is also well to remember that daugh-
ter can't play the piano as well as the
gent who IS trying to sell it to her.
This is also the time of wear when a
man scans his pocketbook and wishes ne
could invoke a temporary restraining or
der
It takes mean man TO balance his :
counts of giving and receiving. Besides
it is, generally speaking, a blamed unss t.
isfactory job.
This is also the season of the year when
a farmer is apt to get up four hours too
early just to keep in practice and en-
courage the oil trust.
AS simple solution of a little problem
in etiquette, our own Chaperon suggests
that the Christmas visitors should bring
presents enough to square their board
bill.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

and ever SO many other things. And
mightn't they see Billy and Ben and
Nick? Was that Billy or Ben. she was
holding? Miss Indy never knew
what she answered, or did, just then
but the young Morrises reported a
great time cuddling and playing with
the pullets
Not until she had fed her poor
wayfarers, first making them bathe
their swollen feet and wash away the
dust, did she let them tell their names.
Then-she had no nerves, but came
near fainting. For the famished girl
turned out to be old man Enright's
heir, run away from stepparents with
the lad Of her choice. They had
married on love and nothing, and
started for this, her mothers native
village, in hope of finding out about
her inheritance.
You cannot hurry time nor upset
cranky wills-but there are ways
around. Though Jessamine was bare
ly twenty. she found haven in Holm
dell. Ned Gravis, her young husband,
found work. Miss Indy gave shelter
until they found their feet and later
refused to let them leave her. For
were they not partners in the most
wonderful garden-where sweet and
beautiful growth had displaced the
rank weeds? There, amid growth
and blowth, Benny, William and Nick
mothered fluffy broods and submit
ted with due meekness to the lord
ings of Morris, a prize-winning Or
pington, who tyrannized only moder-
ately over his wives and children.
''Td feel like a murderess If you
had killed one of them for me-" Jes-
samine said, watching Miss Indy
fondle the trio.
Miss Indy smiled softly-she had
lost her abruptness. IT amt reli-
gious," she said, but honey, look
ing back I can say truly, you are of
more value than many chickens
though I reckon I wouldn't abound it
out if it hadn't been for Christmas"
I-(Copyrighted 1912, by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
QUAKER fluctuations.
IRON the Philadelphia RECORD

From the Philadelphia Record.l
The people who take offense easily are
kept busy taking It,
No man can serve two masters. unlesS
he happens TO be a bigamist.
Minorities are generally right, when we
happen to be in the minority.
A girl shouldn't allow ner waist line to
be the line of least resistance.
Silence may be golden, but you cant
buy the still small voice Of conscience.
Some people are so fond of borrowing
trouble that they never get out of debt.
The fellow who is always harping on
one string soon gets out of tune with the
world.
Some people ought to wear smoked
glasses for fear they might have to look
on the bright side Of life.
Many a woman puts everything she has
on her back, but you never suspect 1t
when you see her in ball gown
There's q good bit of counterfeit virtue
in the world, in spite of the fact that IL Is
supposed to be its own reward
Wigg-"Old Gotrox made his money in
OIL Wagg-"Wen. I can't see that II
has had a refining influence on him"
Blobbs-'Iife is a fleeting show"
Slobbs-"weIl, If it isn't any better thai
some we pay 81 a seat for, I say let her
fleet"
Our sins are sure to find us out
quoted the Wise Guy. Yes, but they
have an unpleasant habit of calling
again." added the Simple Mug.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
From the Chicago News.1

From the Chicago News.J
Hard luck never gets off the trail of a
blockhead.
Something is always happening to break
the monotOnr-
a woman loves pretty cIothes-if they
belong to her.
We are all entitled TO our rights, but
only few of us get them.
The world has no time for visionary
man-until after he makes good
The only way to avoid trouble in this
old world is to avoid being born.
Here's the first guide post on the road
to success: Mind your own business.
A mother Is always surprised to learn
that her daughters are as old as they al G.
Gossips have motor cars beaten to a
FRAGILE when 1t comes to running people
down.
And many man can hear the call of
duty-providing- there is nothing elsa
worth listening to.
Take a few minutes off to think it over
and you will be surprised at the amount
of time you devote to foolishness.
When a man gets into trouble most {
his acquaintanceS express their syn
pathy. but inwardly they say it served
him right.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
by THE WAY
BY HARVEY PARSONS.

The fact that 1900 individuals have
been pinched during the past two years
for selling fraudulent stock by the mail
order plan, will not put a cri1np in the
business. There's a sucker born every
minute, and a smooth gink born every
10 minutes. Nineteen suckers, properly
handled, will support. the smooth gink
stand at 10 to L, there is little danger
that a few federal arrests will stop the
''trimmers."
We are not long on figures; but it
is our guess that about 1,O51 200 suckers,
and 1888 wise ones were born during
the time it took the government to
catch 1000 wise ones.
Hence. about 54,13S wise ones have
be5n added to the general collection
during the past two years.
A man shouldn't expect Santa Claus
to give him much consideration. big
sock holds less than small stocking.
This a day of sadness with this de-
partment. Our pet office boy has been
reduced in rank. Now he is nothing
but a cub reporter.
Diagram: The real autocrat of a
newspaper office. is the copy boy. Next
biggest man on the job.
In rattlesnake stories, the reptile is
always described as having a certain
number of rattles land a button" OF
course the button is nothing but the
terminal of the last rattle. One might
pull off all the rattIes but one, and he
would still have a button"
Reminds of a story told by Florida
hunter who had witnessed a finish
fight between a seven-foot diamond
back and a big king snake. In con-
clusion he said: 'tRattles had thirteen
and a button" He paused to light his
pipe and then closed: But the king
snake seemed to have a button hook
with him.
Jim How's hoboes will hold their an
nual convention in New Orleans. The
New Orleans is noted as the place
where one may secure the largest bowl
of rice brew for picayune.
A st. Louis divorce case is said to be
the result of a honeymoon trip with
upper berth Is in a sleeper. But the
number of the berth had nothing to do
with it. No one could occupy an upper
berth without starting a row at the
first opportunity.
Mistletoe is 20 cents a pound, but
there is no use buying pound. If the
girl is willing, a nickel's worth is suf-
ficient excuse; if she isn't, a ten
pound bunch of the stuff wouldn't help
matters.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
DROPPING THE FOUR DIS.

While Attorney General Wicker
sham is trying his little best to put a
curb on the trusts, his wife is seeking
to curb woman's tongue. Between
ourselves, it would be wiser to let
George do it. His task is far easier.
Not that Mrs. Wickersham isn't in
the right. 1t is only that the reforms
which are the most needed are always
the hardest to bring about. She is try
ing to teach people not to be I,ores.
Or, rather, to be as little boring as
possible. The most brilliant man or
woman that ever lived, the most low
able, the most magnetic. is more or
less of a bore, some time or other.
But Mrs. Wickersham is going to try
to eliminate all the conventional and
unnecessary boredom she can. So, as
the talking bore is the worst, she is
centering all her energies on amend
ing him or her.
To that end she has proposed four
serious operations on conversation.
She would lay the victims on the table
and cut out the four "Ds'' of talk
disease, descendants, domestics and
dress. THE first" she says. docs
away with 'organ-recitals.' The sec
how cute he is, and ones forebears,
no matter how distinguished they
were. The third removes Bridget and
all her works. The fourth puts the
dressmaker and the tailorman out of
the running"
There is so much good sense in this
that if the men in charge of the Nobel
fund had not decided to give no peace
prize this year we would name Mrs.
Wickersham for the honor at once.
Her efforts certainly will make for
peace, the peace of mind that passes
all understanding.
Those who have been irritated al
most to the fighting point by having a
drawing room turned into clinic
where patients, women especially, di-
lated on their ills with painful plain
ness, or a nursery, a kitchen, or q
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Dr. Wiley is out with an interview
intimating that the appointment of
Dr. Alsberg, as chief chemist in the
agricultural department. is not all
that it should be. DR.. Wiley insinuates
that the adulterators and debasers of
food will rejoice over the appoint
ment- This seems decidedly unfair to
Dr. Alsberg as he has not as yet been
put to test of any importance in the
discharge of his new duties. Dr.
Wiley, in this position, rendered dis
tinguished services to the people, and
they are certainly appreciated. But if
he has any idea that he is the only
man in the United States who can
handle this job acceptably. he is la
boring under an hallucination. DIR.
Alsberg may not fill the bill but he
should be given a chance to show
what he can and will do, before he is
subjected to pointed criticism.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
On Being Surprised.

Once upon a time there was a man
whose wife and children planned to
club together and give him a big easy
chair for Christmas.
Now of course a large part of the
value of any gift is the element of sur
prise, and so the family made every
effort to have this gift a complete sur
prise. They went down town to buy
the chair one day when father was
away on a business trip; they had it
sent to a neighbours house, planning to
bring it across on Christmas morning
while father was shaving; and they
most perseveringly drilled into the
mind of the Littlest One that she
mustn't say anything about the chair
to father.
Christmas morning, at the breakfast
table, father startled Littlest One by
remarking, Il have an idea that I'm
going to have great big present,
about twice as big as you are. Won't
you tell me what it is?"
IIitt1est One was too frightened at
this opening of the forbidden topic to
answer but father answered for her,
Il guess you needn't bother because
know anyway. It's made of oak and
it has leather cushions and it's over
to the Halls, and Charles going to
Thought you were going to surprise
me?'' this to his wife. "Why, I've
known all about it for two weeks How
did I find out? Never you mind. But
1 knew. You can't keep anything from
me-"
wonder if this mans delight in his
own cleverness and his pleasure at
turning the tables repaid him for the
disappointment he caused.
OF course his discovery was prob
ably an accident, but so losRg as the
accident was unknown to the family,
how easily he could have saved the
day. He could simply have taken the
eraser of loving appreciation of their
effort and erased that discovery
clean off his mind.
And then, Christmas morning when
the family were all breathlessly
watching him, he could have torn off
the wrappings from that chair as if
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
DAFFYDHS
Ely q. roALL.

If an egg was laid near an axe
would the axe hatchet?
tremendous applause, pleaSe.)
If a cardboards at hotel how
much does he have to paper day?
owe will now sing-"Down in the
Depths by reQuest.)
Even if it is cloudy on the first day
of a week you have to call it Sunday,
don't you?
(And as Dat Abar suggests: What
doth it profit the football player to
gain a yard. If he 1oseth a foot?)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

dressmaking establishment, will hail
these changes. They will delight at a
chance to air their own views on sub
jects which have something of edu-
cation or uplift or good, honest laugh
ter in them or they will enjoy the
greater opportunity to listen to others
talking on kindred interesting topics.
Mrs. Wickersham doesn't pretend to
say what shall be discussed. She only
points out the quartet of subjects
which experience, the world over, mas
proved boring beyond calculation.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Few husbands are clever enough to
fool their wives.
y
Too many people who blow their
own horns sound false notes.
" y
Not so many men are so constitut-
ed that they can laugh at jokes at
their own expense.
As a matter of fact the useful
Christmas presents often don't make
the hits they should.
Almost everybody has excellent
ideas concerning rules that other
folks should follow.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
THE THANKSGIVING GOOSE

Thanksgiving is the day of days
o (which, for humankind, it pays
To have been lucky all the year.
How else give thanks for blessings here
A man who's had hard luck galore,
Who's seen defeat and nothing more,
Cannot give thanks upon this day
Unless, perchance, it is to say
I'm thankful I am still on earth,
And to my brother man, of worth;
For how could he give thanks for luck
Had not been his goose to pluck?''
-Lurana Sheldon, in the New York Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
EVENING CHAT
Thanking the Kind Employer.
HI RUTH CAMERON.


OF course you have gotten your
Christmas shopping all done by now.
But if by any chance you haven't
made all your purchases yet, here is
a suggestion for you: If you want to
do true honor to the spirit of Christ
mas and to Him in reverence to Whom
despite our apparent forgetfulness of
the fact-the festival was instituted,
why not try to give the largest share
of your Christmas trade to those
shops which treat their employees most
fairly and kindly during the holiday
season.
We all know that the holiday season
is a time of terrible strain to the men
and women behind the counter. We
go home completely exhausted from a
single afternoon spent in the turmoil
and confusion. Just think what it must
be to spend eight and nine hours a
day for weeks in it. Under the very
best conditions it must be enough to
drain one down to the very dregs.
Under the worst it must be-unbear-
able.
Now, wouldn't you like to say Thank
You to those employers who make
things as pleasant as they can for
their workers? Very well, then say it.
How? By giving as much Of your trade
as you can to those employers. That
is the most logical thanks you can ut
ter.
How can you find out which EN-
ployers deserve your thanks? WE'LL
ask the girls themselves for one way.
They will tell you quickly and loyalty
enough if the employer is kind. And
if he is not, you can guess by their
manner, even If they do not dare to
speak out.
In a comparatively lucid interval in
the Christmas rush, while we waited
for change, I chatted with the girl
who had served me. THESE weeks must
be terribly hard for you,'' I said. ''Oh
yes" she answered, they are hard,
commissions during Christmas shop
ping season. That helps a lot"
In another shop, in city where 1
used to live, a shop which is noted for
it's magnificent Christmas decorations,
I asked a girl if the same custom of
extra commission was followed.
She laughed bitterly. "I should say
not" she said There's where all
the money goes" pointing to the decor
atoms. I'VE don't get an extra penny,
and we work like dogs and lose hall
our noon hours, too"
In some shops the girls are allowed
to sit down when not waiting on Gus
toners.
In others, although the seats may be
supplied because of the law, the girls
Won't you make it your Christmas
present to the shop girl to say the
Thank You of your trade to the en-
pIoyer who gives her a square deal?
True, individually you are an atom,
but remember. collectively you are the
whole world and can do whatever you
will.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Another real humorist has appeared
in the person of the barber who works
at his trade in New York's city prison.
When an inmate kicks on the stiff
prices that the barber charges for
shaves and haircuts, he politely adj
vises them to patronize the tonsorial
artists on the outside.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

presents that has been provided for
Kansas this year is the suggestion of
Mr. Davis, the state auditor. that the
sand companies be compelled to pay a
fair royalty on the sand they take
from the riverbeds. He estimates
that the state would realize S150,OO0 a
year from this source.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

An excellent argument in favor of
vocational courses in the public schools
is to be found in the fact that in the
Topeka high school it is impossible to
accommodate all the pupils who wish
to take such business and commercial
courses as have been established there
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Governor-elect Hodges has shown
sufficient agility to dodge a rattle
snake. But with the raiders on the
state treasury in their present mood,
he'll discover that lodging a higher
tax-rate is an entirely different pro-
pOSition
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Opinions are being expressed by Off
Gals of the express companies that the
parcels post system will not hurt
their business to any extent Then
why were the express companies so
vigorous in their opposition to such a
law for so many years?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Now that the Observation-Disclosures
shopping early" cry is temporarily out
of date, how will the professional nag
gers employ their remarkable talents
until the time comes for them to yell:
''Swat the fly"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Many of those who are born every
minute were patrons of the private
bank in Chicago that promised depos-
tiers 100 per cent interest per year on
sums of all sizes, from 1 cent to $15,-
mn mn
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELoR

TFrom the New York Press.1
Big ankles don't worry a girl when
they are higher up.
1t takes a lot of intelligence in fam
fly to support the intellect of one of them.
Most men have to get ten hours sleep
to admit they closed their eyes all night
long.
When it's really a business trip it's {.
along.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

The state Journsl II q member of the
Associated Press and receives the fuil Gay
teleeraph report of that great news Or
g@ntxAtdon for the exclusive afteTnoon
publication in Topeka
The news Is received in The State jour
nal brtlding over wires Tor this sole pa3x"
BOSE
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Surgeon General Blue warns the
public that death may Turk in the
restaurant sugar bowl. But why both
er about the sugar bowl when the res
taurants are handing out hash under
French pretenses?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Probate Judge Schoch hits another
nail on the head when he declares that
parents are to blame for the truancy
problem.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Once again is it demonstrated that
truth is stranger than fiction. That
Yonkers woman who found a tramp
in her bedroom did not happen to be
an old maid
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

This afternoon and evening will wit
ness the grand rush of the multitude
who neglected to shop early. And
they'll have as much fun as incon-
yeniences
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Isn't it apparent that the suffragists
who are marching from New York to
Albany hope to win in walk?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Blufing is as costly in diplomacy,
sometimes, as in poker. Austria is
borrowing $25OO0,00O from the New
York banks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Still that Black Hand letter Cover
nor Wilson received won't be worth
considering compared with some he will
get after he has given out all the
Offices
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24

Greece is more than half disposed to
60 right on fighting while the going is
good
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-24
FROM OTHER PENS
I'm A MoMENr OF LEIs11RE.

- A MOMENT OF LEISURE."
Friday the thirteenth is a lucky day
with which to end my vacation" Mr.
Wilson, so the cable says, let fail these
words in moment of leisure" From
time to time the papers print other re-
marks by Mr.. Wilson which have about
the same force. What is the explana-
ton? Either Mr.. Wilson, who writes well
and makes good set speeches. is less
felicitous in small talk, or else the news
papers are to blame. Without malice they
are quoting and cabling remarks which
sound little flat. Our very greatest men
sound flat If you know how to choose
Imagine a dispatch from Weimar an
nouncing that Herr Johann Woifgang Won
Goethe had just told the world that he
found double windows a very good thing
in cold weather. And yet Goethe oiG
actually say this in letter to Frau Won
Stein. Nobody measures Goethe's intel
lect by such remarks. Nobody ought 10
measure Woodrow Wilson'S intellect oy
the words he lets fall, 'in a moment of
leisure touching Friday the thirteenth
New York Globe.