davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01
Goldsmith a Humorist.

oliver Goldsmith was humorist. too.
- The Vicar OF Wakefield is one Of the
Immortality genial books. People have loved
Dr. Primrose in prison and found an eternal
lesson in the incident of foolish Moses and his
sIOss OF green spectacleS By the way.
Joaquin Miller. the poet OF the Sierras."
tells q similar story in reference to his
father. who bought useless clocks instead
of spectscles. Today we should call either
purchase 1" a gold brick
Goldsmith also wrote a humorous play. as
well as those ever ridiculous verses about the
mad dog He was the friend and companion
Of such men as Sheridan, who wrote " The
Scnool for Scandal which delights people
~ this day when it is we'll played. Even the
heavy and ponderous DR.. johnson, who was
a friend Of these men, sometimes wrote
humorous verse.
The humorous poets have kept the world
rhuckling since the time OF the Greek Arts
tophanes and his dearhless comedies.
Chaucer's humor. although some Of II coarse
IS genuine fun. The great Shakespeare has
given US immortal comedies. Who does not
laugh 3 the two Dromios or Launcelot
G0bbo or Malvolio? Light and ocular verse
has been written from Shakspeare's day to
this, and whether II has been coarse humor
or dainty and fragile humor. It has all
cheered humanity and made 1t the better and
swe eter for a good laugh.
Even so ethereal a poet as Shelley has given
Us humorous verse. especially In his parody
OF worcsworth's Peter Bell, which latter
Is humoIo Gus without the intention OF being.
Keats. too. wrote playful things, although
these have not been included in the collec-
tons of his poems.
Our James Russell Lowell set great world
in ughing and thinking when he wrote
BigeIow Papers the political influence OF
which cannot easily be estimated. Dr. Oliver
Wendell Holmes always wrote humorous
verse, which people have ever loved to quote.
- The Last Leaf" is both humorous and
uatketic and is said to have been great
favorite Of Abraham Lincoln's. The humor-
oUs anecdotes which this. our greatest mar
tyr. loved to fell are scores in number. He
iishtened the cares OF state at a period when
our country was passing through the great
crisis of the civil war by telling these anec-
do;es to any audience that he might happen
TO have They were his best antidote TO care.
The semi-anecdotal sort OF story made the
fame OF Thomas Nelson Page and Of F.
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01

To Wisconsin woman has been granted q
patent upon sticky ny paper made In long
strips and reeIed within cylindrical drums
permitting the exposure Of small portions
at time and their easy removal
For comprising air in tank an Italian
inventor has brought out an engine without .
fly wheel, a piston being driven back and
forth in a cylinder by oil fuel and pushing
the air shead Of It at each end.
A new portable electric light for automo-
milists' use resembles a tape measure, the
lamp being carried on one side Of the case,
which contains coil Of wire which may be
extended several yards from q convenient
source OF current.
Indianapolis viii provide for the comfort
OF some Of its policemen in the winter by in
stalIing steam heated manholes at several
street intersections.
Each pew in a church in German city is
heated by an Individual electric unit which
can be regulated to suit the comfort Of an
occupant of the pew.
AHoying tin with lead. German-scientist
has prodlced porous tin the lightness Of
which Is its chief advantage.
A mschine that threshes grain as It stands
in field has been invented by Ksnssn-
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01
Products of Inventors Genius

Tests by French naval officers have in
dIcated that the waves In wireless telegraphy
travel at a rate of nearly 100000 miles a
second.
A machine has been perfected that brushes
bugs from potato vines as 1t is driven over 3
field, and brushes them to death between
steel plates
Two English physicians are experimenting
with a new parasite with which they hope to
exterminate the flies Of their country in
very few years.
An ounce Of common soda dissolved in three
or four ounces Of vinegar will cleanse iron
rust and calcium deposit from glass tubes Of
water gauges.
10 meet tidal variations a new German car
ferry has been equipped with deck that can
be raised, with six loaded freight care, more
than sixteen feet.
Many advantages are claimed by the New
York inventor of an automobile tire having
vacuum chamber running through It instead
Of being pneumatic.
Red glass lenses, backed by silvered re-
Electors are mounted on many railroad cross
ing gates in France to catch and reflect the
light OF automobile headlights and thus serve
as danger signals at night.
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01

DON the echoes of college oratory
will have died away. The green COL
lege campus will be deserted and
- many Of the young men who were
wont TO lounge on the grass between
classes and contemplate their future will
stink into the nearest little park not far
away from the business district Of the city.
and there, on bench, will clasp their hands
and ask themselves. Where next?"
Waterman, what of the college graduate?
There 10 no more pathetic figure than the
young man sitting on a park bench on a
July afternoon. crushed, battered, insulted,
and vet trying to derive bsneft out Of the
humiliating experiences encountered by him
in his days fruitless search for employment
trying TO convert these experiences into a
stepping stone to be used the next morning
when he resumes his search for work
The colleges and universities have in the
last decade taken a forward stride in the d.
rectton OF democracy. They have tried and
adopted various methods OF coming nearer
to the people. OF fitting their graduates to
the needs of the community. But these eff
forts OF the universities have not kept pace
with the faster strides which industry is
taking in Its efforts to reach the people.
The college man. earnest, sincere, with
many possibilities and promises for the fu-
ture, but with no immediate practical
knowledge and experience Is one OF the most
disheartening individuals TO deal with"
said a large employer Of labor. who IL a
and a student OF social ques-
tons, and gives personal attention TO the
hiring Of men.
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01

r. EHEN a young man Is ready to enter
NA business career and succeeds IN
Wv finding his first position he must
enter Il nIled with enthusiasm and
with the firm determination to sue
coed. He must devote all Of his time and use
his best energies IN behalf Of his employer;
he should have but one object n view, and
that Is to endeavor to please and satisfy and
fuIhn the duties expected Of HIM. and II he
consistently and conscIertiously does this ne
Is sure TO win out.
II makes no difference whether the boy
starts as messenger. or as bundle boy. or
behind the counter: the chances are as good
IN one branch as they are In another The
Development IS within the grasp Of the indi-
vidual
v one Of our large store managers in a news
paper article, stated:
We AFFORD every employee the chance Of ad-
vaucement; 1t all depends on the boy or the
girl to make their future with US" Therefore
the boy entering business and the services of
any firm must at once take the lntenest Of the
employer to heart. He must be as 1ealous
as II II were his own business. il is the pains
taking and careful boy who develops into the
shrewd, neat, and honest man, all Of which il
so essential and necessary in the success Of
business.
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01
EzEsD Among Men Work HE#1S-a]
What Do You Do with Your Time?
How One Worker Won Success.
Rv ALIEN MOPTON
By ALLEN MORTON.

It further thought Fortunately. however.
although I considered IT unfortunate at the
time. did not feel that could so away that
year for my vacation. and 30 welcomed the
idea OF working out some sort Of kitchen
cabinet for my wife. I had always had
quite liking for carpenter work. and be-
sides IL would help me pass the time"
The result Of that two weeks work was
the cause Of much favorable comment from
our neighbors. and several Of my wife's
friends limited that they would gladly pay
good price for such time saysr for their
own use. 1 was tempted to make up two or
three cabinets for these neighbors. but l
rever could ind the time for the work. So
with many other things that have offered
chance for me, passed q up"
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01

~HE laughing philosopher Is an all too
unfamiliar iRure. Our Mark Twain
is gone and who shat succeed him?
1t has been recently and wisely said
by a great English statesman that
It is the secret yea<ning OF every read
er to find books that cheer him up.
The world needs to be gayer. gayer in
the most wholesome ways. Lugubrious wars.
personal quarrels, and discontents are for
ever making It doleful and gloomy.
The professional huoorists. the writer's
of nonsense. the genial writers-the world
goes 10 them for su-csaAe OF sorrow, to get
forgetfulness of self and unhappiness, for
renewing of the spirit It goes 10 them
for humorous phrases or anecdotes that en-
liven meetings of friends and acquaintance,
for one thing or another Of these delightful
things that have done so much to gladden.
humanity.
We all 20 to Dickens for amusement and
rarelys tire of bis Sam Weller. Mr.. Pickwick.
Mark TapIey Dick SwipelIer, Ancawber or the
rest of the immortal characters which have
been perfect symbols OF an ever delightful
and wholesome, although often ridiculous
humanity. OF the optinIsts perhaps Micaw
Der is chief, but as a man comfortably and
humorously at home in every situation, no
one can equal Sam Weller.
To come to a quite different writer. and one
Of our own day, we may take J. NJ. Barrie.
In his Sentimental Tommy he has pre-
scented US with a character that gives US
many a smile, and Peter Pan has delighted
the old, as well as the young W. J. Locke
Is one OF our present day writers who pre-
sent US with both genial and tocular char
actsrA-
Washington Irving long ago gave u the
Immortality humorous character Of Ichabod
Crane, in The Legend OF Sleepy Hollow
and that differently humorous and pathetic
type of " Rip Van Winlle.- Most Of Irving's
essays are Of the very genial type, and some
Of his KnickerDocker history is most humor-
Gus, though a BIT coarse.
To go back almost a hundred years earlier
we have the De Cover1ey papers of Addison
and Steele. Sir Roger is not the only anus
ing character in these. In q few years more
We have the first English novel, and then
the second English novelist, Fielding, who
gave the world Tom Jones'" which is by
some people considered very great book
though others cannot reconcile themselves
to the parts which reflect the coarseness OF
the age in which it was written Lawrence
Sterne, about this time. gave the world an
immortal phrase, as well as great entertain
ment even to this day in his Sentimental
Journey I
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01
Gave Boy Good Position.

II believe 1 can make use of you," and
gave him a position. The young man de-
veloped and in the course OF a few years
worked himself up to be the manager Of the
establishment. He continued in the good
graces OF his employer. and later on mar
ried the proprietoSs daughter. and upon his
death became sole owner OF the establish
ment.
This shows what can be done. Ny rule for
success has always been: " Continuous ap-
plication to your work, loyalty 70 your en-
ployer, loyalty to yourself, and doing the
best that you can do in every task that you
undertake" Success is possible In every
position. and never put on until tomorrow
what can be accomplished today.
Young man. be saving. No matter how
small your salary Il. manage to live within II
and, II possible. lay away something every
week and you win be surprised how quickly
such small sums accumulate. Keep good
company, use clean language, be always
neatly dressed, always polite, because these
are all sipsws OF virtue and lead to sure suc-
cess
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01
Many Styles of Humor.


Many Styles of Humor.
Thomas Bailey Aldrish has given US
different sort OF humor. Who has not been
charmed and made more genial by his little
story or MarJory Daw7 Charles Dudley
Warner, too, was no mean hur1or1st. His
" My Summer in a Garden" has Eiven the
keenest enjoyment to thousands
To the writer OF clever nonsense the world
owes a great debt. Men Of the highest In
ttIligence and Of the soberest mien have read
and often quoted with delight" Alice in Won
derland." The author. writing under the
name Of Lewis Carroll. was distinguished
professor OF mathematics. but light never
have been known outside q limited circle had
he not written this book, for the entertain
msnt OF his nieoes, IT has been said. By this
nonsense classic.
Edward Lear did this same sort OF thing
" his nonsense verses. He made popular
that nonsense verse form. the limerick.
which has been endlesFly initiated. His
Owl and the Pussy Cat Went to Sea-"
"a The Jumbles," and The Pelican Cho-
rus as well as his nonsense botany and
ether funny things which he illustrated as
their kind, and would-be clever people have
been forever cribbing from him.
The wisest OF men have loved Lear and
have quoted much from Lewis Carroll. The
latter's Twas brillig and slithy toves."
With Its " chortle" ard "frabJous day."
and Its " Jabberwock." il the classic of nom
sense. And who does not love the nonsense
OF " The Walrus and the Carpenter
" The walrus and the carpenter
Were walking close at hand.
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities OF sand,
If this were only swept away. they said.
II would be grand
Perhaps have not quoted this word for
word, as have not my Alice at hand, but It
Is such play as this that has refreshed the
minds Of men no one can tell how much.
The humorist's gift swsetens the world
for himself and for all others whom It can
reach, and he Is to be pttied who cannot be
reached by humor or by nonsense. We all
wish there were more humorous books, more
books like the novels OF Charles Dickens,
more books like the best things Mark Twain
did. Mr.. Gilbert K. Chesterton says: Go
to Dickens In a mood Of tired tenderness and
a mood to believe and laugh" And again
be says, " II there be anywhere q man who
loves good books. that man wishes there
were four Oliver Twists and at least forty
four Pickwicks.' II there be any one who
loves laughter and creation he would be
glad to read a hundred of Nicholas MCKEE
by and two hundred Of The Old Curiosity
Shop"
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01
Many Start at Low Salaries.


Many Start at Low Salaries.
There are numerous men who today stand
high in the commercial world, and particu-
larry in the retail and department stores. who
began their careers at an extraordinarily low
IaIary. lower by half than what the average
boy OF today earns. and yet by dIligent care
and effort, attention TO their work and en-
thusiasIn in the service. rose from the ranks
10 positions of trust and honor and accumu-
lated great wealth.
No country in the word as this glorious
country OF ours. offers such opportunity to
ambitious young men, who are anxious to
rise in the mercantile world. All that Is re-
quired is good common sense application to
work and honesty of purpose. Here IN Amer
lea every boy has an equal chance. and it
is my experience that one always makes
room for the man who pushes himself for
ward.
The writer remembers that many years ago
a boy applied FOR a position in a retail dr.
goods store, and while the proprietor was I'm
pressed with the young boy, he told him tina;
be did not require any help lat that time
The young man made a good impression on
the proprietor, who watched him as he wa
leaving the store and noticed that on his
way out the boy stopped TO pick up some pins
and string that were lying on the floor and
placed them on the counter, and. being
pleased Herewith, the proprietor called him
back and said to the boy:
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01
Create Demand for Services.

The successful college men in business
and in other occupations that know invaria-
bly, got there not by trying to compete with
the 14-year-old public school graduate but
by creating a demand for their services in
one way or another. or course one will ad-
vance the argument that the college man
needs to make living and therefore must
Try for any kind OF Job, no matter how close
to the bottom It may be, 50 as to earn his
bread and butter. But this is no argument.
II the college man needs to earn his bread
and butter let him earn it the same way
he earned 1t when he was at college. Let
him work for year or two longer at the
same occupation he worked at when stu
dent. By doing, so, and thinking and plan
ming, and looking out for things in the mean
time he will land quicker in the place where
he ought to be or wants to be than he will
by sticking to the start at the bottom
rule and by losing come of his own special
apttudes through his inability to use them or
through the acquisition Of bad temper
and pessipdstic outlook. which Is sure to
come from not being in the proper sphere.
In word, the college man must work
out his salvation by working himself in as
a special by avoiding the trodden path
ways and by building roads and bridges OF
his own"
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01
Got Backing for Factory.

Within a couple vt months I had supplied
the demand fror - neighbors, at a profit
OF 800 in money = myself. anc was look
ing for other worlds to conquer" But this
I soon saw would bring forth big obstacles
to overcome.
Not only must I fnd the field for my Iabors
IT was there knew. and that advertising
would bring It to Hght-but I must find some
one to help ne financially. As they would
say In the theatrical world. wanted an
angel" for my cabinet.
took my problem to my employer and al
though he had paid but little attention 10 NJ
IN his role as my boss" he evinced much
interest in my cabinet
II looks like a good thing" he SAID. after
going over carefully the drawings anG the
photographs 1 submitted for his inspection.
" and I'll take It up with some OF my friends
We may be able 20 back you In starting a
factory"
That was FIVE years ago. and today an ct
the head OF a corporation with a capital OF
half a million dollars. II has been a hard
fight, at that. but a most enjoyable one. I
have won out because I put my =" spare time d"
to work. It's up to you to follow suit
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01
Got Orders from Neishbors.

Now, however. that had made a new re-
solve and was looking for something to get
me out Of the nut into which had fallen
naturally turned toward that kitchen cabi-
net. Why not make some for my neizhbors
and eventually might broaden out the field
until I should have an independent bust
ness?
The idea looked good to me and I wen;
after 1t for all 1 was worth But first l
worked out my plans before attempted to
fashion a single cabinet During my lunch
hour would hurry through the snack
my wife put up for me each morning and over
my desk would pore over my plans. 1t IS
wonderful how a single good idea will arouse
a mans braini Why within a week I had
evolved a new cabinet throughout with
dozen or more improvements on my original
plan.
No longer did md the time dragging
heavily on my hands That big idea required
every moment could give to II. When at
last I was ready to start the actual work Of
building from my now completed plans I
was like a new man-no longer the drudge
Of uacongenial work, was doing something
worth while. I was making good use OF my
time following big idea!
In two weeks ! had built three cabinets
arising an hour earlier each morning and
working after my return from downtown
each night The cabinets were sold al good
price before they were completed.
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01
Made Cabinet for Wife.

She had complained for a long time Of the
need Of something TO save the many steps
she had to take every day from the kitchen
to the pantry back TO the kitchen, and back
to the pantry IN almost a continual round
during the preparation OF each meal.
II just had all the things I need. like
the -four and the sugar and condiments. in
one place, II would save me miles OF walk
ing" abe said one night when commented
upon how tired she looked.
Some sort OF cabinet to contain them
all. eh?'' I said. 1t gave me an idea, but
except that my vacation began the follow
ing week I probably would have passed It
up" not having time" suppose. to give
The Washington herald., 1912-12-01

~ THAT DO DO with my timer
Al was % years OLD When put
wv THIS Question TO myself fairiy
ana sQuarely-and the way / was
forced TO answer Il made me
hang my head In shame Il was not that my
years mad been passed In "riotous living,
put that had made so little use OF the hours
that had been given me. resolved at that
moment that had no time for resrst-I had
aireaoy wasted 100 much oe1noanins that ths
Gay OF opportunity was past-and that now
was the tune Tor me to make use OF my time.
Here is the way did It, and II my story
serves any purpose whatever. hope It Will
DC 10 ineuleate In the minds OF my readers
the supreme value OF time
II VIII only be necessary TO sketch In that
po' Hon Oh my hs prloe % my great resolve.
inouAer hao oieo IN my INFANCY out my
Iotner hao nlanAseo 10 keep me In school
UI4'4 my On year "hen' AT my own
le9ueS', vas AAo"eo 10 seek work In an
Omoe oy oLnt OF WhAi was really hard labor
1''Stheo tne poAuon OF oookkeeper BY the
"ihe was :" years on age.
Head of Office Force.
In the next ten years worked my way to
the mead or the once force at a salary Of
~ week l had also married during this
period and when asked myself what was
doing with my time was on the way that
20 many thousands have trod-the high road
OF medlocrity. Before me there doomed years
OF drudgery. with possible " pension when