Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1912-08-29
CLEMENS THE BOY
The Budding Humorist Was the
Terror OF His Mother.
HE YEARNED TO BE A PIRATE

CRUISING the Mississippi, Fishing,
Swimming and Maraudins Struck
Him as the Ideal life-Ths Stick he
Selected For His Own Whipping.
Mark Twain the boy was leader or
a band OF young incorrlgibles. accord
ing to Albert Bigelow Paine. Twain's
secretary and biographer, who In Har'
uers tells something OF their juvenile
Goings on:
His mother declared that he gave her
more trouble than all the other chill
dren put together.
He drives me crazy with his didoes
when he IS In the house." she used TO
say. and when he is out OF II | am
expecting every minute that some ono
will bring him home half dead"
He did. In fact. achieve the 1rst OF his
mine narrow escapes from drowning
about this time and was pulled out OF
the river one afternoon and brought
home in a limp and unpromising con-
dltlon. When with mullen tea and cas-
tor oil she had restored him to activ-
ity she said:
Il guess there wasn't much danger.
People born To be hanged are safe In
water"
She declared she was willing to pay
somebody TO take him of her hands
for n part OF each day and try to teach
him manners.
Besides his mother. who had 10 con.
tend with the bad boy. was his school
teacher. n certain Miss Horn. Mr..
Paine tells how unlike 10 bed or roses
was her lot.
Miss Horn received % cents a week
for each pupil and opened her school
with prayer. after which came n chap
ter OF the Bible. with explanations and
the rules OF conduct. Then the A Is O
class was called. because its recital
wns hand To hand struggle. requir.
ing no preparation.
The rules OF conduct that flrst day
interested little Sam. He calculated
how much he would need TO trim In TO
sail close tn the danger line and still
avoid disaster. However, he made n
characterization during the forenoon and
received warning. A second offense'
would mean punishment. He did not
mean 10 be caught the second time.
but he had not learned Miss Horr yet
and was presently startled by being
commanded To go ont and bring stick
for his own correction.
This was certainly disturbing. 10
was sudden. and then he did not know
much about the selection OF sticks.
Jane Clemens had usually used her
hand. IL required n second command
TO get him headed In the right direc.
ton. and be was n tribe dnzed when
he got outside. lie had the forests OF
Missouri to select from. but choice was
difficult Everything looked too big
and competent Even the smallest
switch had n wlry. dlscouragfng look.
Across the way was a cooper shop
with a good many shavings outside.
One had blown across and lay just ia
front OF him. IL was an inspiration.
He picked 1t up and. solemnly enter-
Ing the schoOroom. meckly handed "
TO Miss Horn
Perhaps Miss Horr's sense OF humor
prompted forgiveness. but discipline
must be- maintained.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens" she
said (hs bad never heard IL all strung
together IN that omlnous way. II am
ashamed OF you. Jimmy Dunlap, go
bring In switch for Sammy" And
Jimmy Dunlap went. and the switch
was OF sort 10 give the little boy IN
immediate and permanent distaste for
school lie Informed his mother when
be went home ut noon that he did not
care for school: that he had no desire
to be n great man: that he preferred
10 be n pirate or mn indian and scalp
or drown such people as Miss Horr.
Young Sam conceived the notion that
a pirates life would be joyous and.
with a couple OF pals. cruIsed the Mis-
sissippl.
Some OF their expeditions were limo,
cent enough They often cruIsed up to
Turtle island. about two miles above
Hannibal. and spent the day feasting.
You could have loaded a car with turs
ties and their eggs up there and there
were quantities Of mnssels and plenty.
OF fish. Fishing and swimming were
their chief pastimes. with general ma
rauding for adventure. Where the rail-
road bridge now ends on the Missouri
side was their fayorite swimming boIe
that and along Bear creek. a secIud-
ed. llmpid water with special interests
Of its own. Sometimes at evening they
swan across to Glasscock's island. tho
rendezvous Of Tom Sawyer's BLACK
Avengers" and the hiding place Of
Huck and Niger Jim. Once. though
this was considerably later. when BIO
was sixteen. Sam Clemens swan across
to the Illinois side and then turned
and swan back again without land
ing, a distance Of at least two miles as
he had TO go. he was seized with n
cramp ON the return trip. His legs
became useless. and be was obliged TO
make the remaining distance with his
arms. II was a hardy life they led.
and II is not recorded that they ever
did any serious damage, though they
narrowly missed II sometimes.
A Close Relation -
PaSs-what do 'you thiuk7 Her aunt