davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

Ladies and Gentlemen: I have a
good mind to run for president
this year. (Cheers.)
l think there's a chance for me.
(Cries of "Yesl why not?") In
the first place, I've got good
|record-never having thrust my
self on you as a candidate before.
Applause.
Second. I've got as. many enc
mics as all the other candidates
put together. Music: Always
Kickin' My Dawg Aroun'.") All
my enemies will split up their
votes among the other candidates,
hoping to beat me anr conse-
quently all THEIR enemies will
vote for me. CHEERS and cat
Icalls.)
This is going to be a great en-
|emy campaign. Every candidate
is going into the convention with
more enemies than there are dele
gates. Everybody is going to be
dropped from the roll call on the
first ballot because nobody will
vote for anybody. (Laughter.)
AS result, whoever is nomi-
mated will face the people without
an enemy to lean upon and will
have to begin an almost hopeless
campaign to win enemies. He
may attract a few enemies to HIS
band-wagon. but they will be mere
fIoaters. Ny enemies are the kind
that will stick. wild cheers and
|huzzas.l
Hence with the enemy vote sol
idified and the sorehead senti-
ment crystallized can win in a
walk, while the other fellows are
still running and all out OF breath
to keep a lead on their handful OF
enemies. Music: See the Com
anering Hero Comes" Cheering
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

Considering the few engage
ments and Leap Year far gone, the
girls are not making many mis-
takes. Mr.. Skygack from
Mars could get some queer obser-
|vations to put in his notebook If
he'd visit hairdressing parlor on
"a busy day, but a lot of his impress
|sions would be false ones.
Ma says man with a pipe In his
mouth is like a baby with a paci-
|fier. The man next door
to us is in politics and he might
have had a chance to get elected
to something before he bought his
little boy an air rifle. I'm
for government ownership of mil
linery shops first, last and all the
time. "% My brother Dick
Dillpickles can initiate Harry Lau-
der, George Cohan and Eddie Foy
dancing, but he gives poor imi-
tation of earning their salaries.
u A lot of 16-year-old girls
write to Cynthia Grey with ques.
tions about love, but that Is nc
sign she will cross their parents
= 1t always fiatters woman
nc her canary bird sings before
company. . The arrival Of
another child. eating a doughnut,
will break up any kindergarten
game.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
By The Way

MOT long ago Louis d 'Assonseca,
formerly of the South Sea Islands,
lost 1880 in money and a good
bit of his confidence In human ma
|ture.
D'Assonseca had worked hard
and lived economically on a ranch
In Solano county when one day he
decided to return to his island
home and invest his savings.
He put his money in the bank
and started down the main street
OF San Francisco, and the newt
able "weil dressed stanger" came
Ialong, and In Few minutes d'As-
lsonseca had told him his plans.
Then the two met the bsnevo-
lent looking old mana tsranger
to both of them. But somehow
they got into conversation. The
|old man wa sa philanthropist who
was looking for trustworthy
young man to supervise the dis
trlbution of $4,000 among the
deserving poor.
D'Assonseca took the job. The
Iold man wanted references, or
something to prove that he was re-
sponsible.
Then came the visit to the Hi
hernia bank, the withdrawal of
400 and the tin box. The $780,
1000, d'Assonseca thought. was
placed in the tin box with the
$4,000. But 1t wasn't.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
Remodeling the Year

Take out penc How times does 2s go into 1861
Yes, you're rights times and
brings point which is that Moses b.
Cotsworth from the odashioned
2S
g. give which shall be 10 months
Zach of
But what is he going to do what that extra day?
all he from
interest charges. free from work. free from wage scale
each month begin Sunday, the list
9Th 18th and 22nd of each month woald be Sundays President
Of a commercial
Mentng indefensbe Moses
subject predict
the made this
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
OBS ERV ATOMS

NEW YORK WORLD says that Taft is progressive from
office labor
lying. they'll Bill be of those burned
hneuroics."
ELECTRIC business growing and important
high, 5000
lamps.
nice sticky It's California Rasin day
100000 cards and 100000 scker
advertising it.
telephone with contact stations fence posts
the thing for police in Berlin
a with flower
BY mean o
DENVER displays big sign "SPECIALIST-ALI
Well that going
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

French Novelist.
Besides being a
capable physi-
clan M. Nordau
Is a world fam
GUS a u t b o r
Born in Buda-
pest, he settled
ON Paris as his
home after tray
cling all over
Europe ( o y
many years. His
m o S t widely
read work ia
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

for 95 minutes.)
That is why I am going to buy
a shirt of mall and run as the
Enemy's Choice. Then after I an
president I'll distribute my pat
ronage so as to earn the ill-will Of
those who honestly differ from my
enemies and win a second term By
reclamation and go down into his
tor as the only president who for
gave all his friends.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

Wise
Says:

"As far as ur ordinary folks as
concerned, we amt no nearer Lh'
South Pole than we wuz before
az
9Th Mexican situation seems tes
be similar ter that OF d Teller with
a cactus leaf under his saddle
blanket"
"Every cheap dance has some
teller who things he's achievin' q
social triumph by stompin' the
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
Not a Distinction.

The detectives are trying to get
a few pointers from the man who
had employed him to hunt for a
runaway boy. HAS he any dis
tinguishing marks about him.
he asked. "Yes," asid the father,
frowning impatiently. 1.-THE dis
tinguishing mark about him, sir,
Is that he looks like me-" Hint"
unused the detective, 1T should
hardly call that a distinction.
That's handicap. Chicago Tri-
bune.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

agazne pride" employees
de of the most satisfactory assets an agent
position
pride neaness In person
office questions of promptness neat
harmonious coopera
Pride means
efficiency efficiency promotion"
whole better than the definitions sefesteem
which applied
grandmohers lot of that variety the railroad
describes.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

his final beating
at Nicopolis -
that place In
Asia Minor re-
Gently reported
taken by the
Italians I r o M
the Turks. Even
in these days
M / t h + / dates
would be called
great by some
people, for after
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
| horAisse IKE II
1 AFTER A DEFEAT.
y = -AH

the defeat he divided about $6,-
100000 among his favorite Off
GERS. He was beaten by Pompey,
however, and Pompey is still rec
ognized as big general even il
he never did see a gatling gun.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

There are two points In regard
to the diet in health which should
always be kept in view whether
one be rich or poor. ONE is Eff
FICIENCY OR NUTRITION AND
THE OTHER PAIAATABILITY.
These are two things which are
most important from the mere
point OF nutrition. A food should
be of a character to nourish the
body and at the same time do it
efficiently. Efficiency also indi-
Gates economy.
Terrapln is probably as nutri-
tious as turkey but 1t would be
poor economy, resulting in poor
efficiency to recommend the gen.
eral use of terrapin. AS has al
ready been indicated, the greatest
economy in food is found in that
diet which consists chiefly of
cereals, but man, being by nature
an omniverous animal, at least
this is the opinion of the great
majority of investigators, cannot
have his dietetic activities con-
fined to one class of substances as
this would not be in harmony with
the principles of general nutrition.
Wheat for instance is an eff
cient and economic diet and to
certain extent palatable, but If
one were fed wheat alone, al
though he would not need any
additional nutritive elements, he
certainly would get tired of his
| diet.
On the other hand it Is we'll
known that certain kinds of game
such as quail, cannot be eaten a
great many days in succession
without producing an apparent
distaste therefor. Hence palata-
bility is of as great Importance as
economy and efficiency of nutri-
ton.
have pointed out in a previous
article how impossible it is to
give general rule for dieting in
case of disturbance of health. It
is equally-as difficult to lay down
hard and fast rule In case of
health. AS far as possible the in
dividual should be allowed the
widest choice in his foods.
| Any food. that Is wholesome
and fresh, or well cured and clean,
Is not foreign to the diet of man.
Without referring any further to
the balancing of the diet, which
has already been discussed, 1t may
be stated that mans natural taste
when he has a variety of foods to
choose from usually leads him to
a proper selection of his nutri-
ment. Except in a few cases the
man who has good meat, good
vegetables, butter, milk, game,
bread, cheese, eggs and other artf-
cles spread before him will take
from the collection in proper
quantities those which are we'll
suited to nourish him, and also
n mister to his taste.
Palatability has much to do
with digestion because the palat-
able foods are those which best
excite the secretions of the diges-
tive ferments and thus favor dis
solution and absorption of the
food materials. At the same time
science and experience should not
be without effect in modifying the
diet of mere choice and in this
way one will learn perhaps to eat
less meat and more vegetables
than otherwise would be the case.
Meat, being quickly digested
substance and extremely palatabie
when properly prepared, would
naturally form large part of the
diet to the exclusion of ma
terials more slowly digested and
less palatable, but science and ex-
perience have shown that by COM
bining these two classes of foods
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
Dangerous Beauty.

THAT pretty girl ought not to
be allowed to marry missionary
to the Cannibal Islands,"
why not?"
Because everybody says she's
sweet enough to eat. Baltimore
American.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
CampaiRn Ouips

Taft Manila, ha, ha. I see
that Jack Johnson Is sout for
Roosevelt.
Roosevelt MAXWELL, what OF
IT? Archie Butt is out for Taft,
isn't he?--Cleveland Enquirer.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
To a Puzzled Gar

Argentina and estab-
communities said
who did little at
home much skill and in a land.
you. that possibly and your
Russia subjects breathe the air of freedom
they area a different of a people?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
Unnatural State of Things

warning wrkingmen to stay
unemployed and women now," she
support population 5O0000O0 But Cali
waiting for the
master knows opportunity
The multitude in a land of plenty.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
Real Patriotism

She-Do you think it patriotic
|of Dobbs to send his daughter to
Europe to study music?
He-Sure, l do; think of the
suffering he's saving his own
|countrymen.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
Mere Man.

Pa, what's superman?"
zone whose wife thinks he is
better than his neighbors give him
credit for being"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

perhaps, Degeneration"
Mrs. John Dietz, wife of the
"hero of Cameron DAM" and her
children, will be brought to trial
in April, at HAYWARD. Wis.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
EOrRetfuI.

Larry-Bingles Is a very absent
minded man.
Harry know. I used to work
for him some years ago. Once I
remember he discharged me three
times in one week, and gave me a
weeks wages each tim.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
The Other Opinion.

Whatever try to do l do with
all my might"
"That was what Ridgely said.
He told me you got his last dol
lar. Chicago Record-Herald.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

DIR. Wiley in the mortar and
gown he wore when the University
of Vermont conferred upon him
the degree of doctor of laws.
in proper proportion the aviY-
ability and palatability of both
are increased.
(The thinking reader will de-
rive. much profit by studying DR..
Wiley's article in tomorrow's
Times. He will write about the
regularity of meals and the eat
Observation-Disclosures lunch
rabber.-Editor.)
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
DR.. Wiley Pleads for Efficiency
And Palatability In Diet

The Cheapest Omniyer
GUS Animal He Wants Tas tie of Everything
BY DR. HARV EN- w. WILEY
Chief Chemist U. s. Department Agriculture
est
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
xM4gE1

The Worth OF Western Girl
only 5 Cents is huge sign dis
played by Pacific avenue moving
picture show.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
eY GER ron SRALEY

When you're making your plan 1t is we'll to hear
Whatever advisors may appear;
It's only the fool who scorns advice
(And afterwards prob ably pays the price).
Let the knockers knock and the critics carp,
You may learn lot from their jeerings sharp,
For every fellow of wisdom know
That your friends often your deadest foes.
But-once you sure that the plans all right
The plan that you've figured on day and night,
You carry 1t out In your own sweet way
And never mind what the others say,
Keep to your own through storm and stress,
Through doubt and labor and WEAKNESS,
Keep your trust in Yourself as we'll
And tell the critics to go to hell!
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
To Toll Not,

To Toll Not.
' THAT boy says his only ambi-
ton Is to make living without
work"
What are his parents going to
do for him?'
make politician out of him. 4"
Free Press.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
Easy.

"How do you manage to keep
track Of all the men who are pay
ing you alimony?"
"Oh, have card index. You
have no idea how 1t simplifies
things"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
/ About RopILe

This Is the latest snapshot of
Max Nordau, the we'll known
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
TODAY IN HISTORY

March %. B. @. Sc, Kins
Mithridates the Great was given
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

Apples-s1.50@ ESQ.
Eemons--$3.7605.
Oranges-S1.15 03.25
California Grape Fruit-s3.2l
03.5O.
Asparagus--6c.
Potatoes-s3s@42 per ton.
eprouts-sc.
fettuce--s1.a5@2.25 crate.
Turnips-sl sack.
Reef--9 " a lie.
rork--s a 10c.
Qnionssa.26@3 cwf.
Gphbage-3c 1b
apinsah aoc@si box
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28

| Chicken-15 o 16c ID.
Oysters--$7.5o per sack.
Ciams-t2.5o a sack.
Crabs-$1.50 % LIS dog.
Butter
Washington Creamery - $50
|35c.
Eggs.
Washington Ranch--23c dos.
WHOLESALE PRICES.
Feed.
Hay, $15@18 ton; oats, $36
ton; wheat, ss1 % 81: shorts, sac
ton. bran k2A foa
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-28
HE M A r K ET S
PRICES PAID PRODUCER.

Id PRICES PAID PRODUCER
Yakima potatoes shipped from there this
On of
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20
Founder of the Open Sunday.

From the Chicago Post.
There died in England the other day
the man who. more than any one else, is
credited with having destroyed the joy
less British Sabbath
His name is II. NJ Morreil, and he was
the founder of the National Sunday
League. He was a young jewelers. clerk
when. in 1875, with a dozen companions,
he decided to make a fight for better
recreational opportunities Sunday for the
masses of people. The leagues first pro-
posal was that museums and art gall
leres should be open to the public Sun
day A motion to that effect was made
in the house of commons that year ANA
overwhelmingly defeated. Official oppo-
sition was intense. Many of Morrells
meetings Were broken up by mobs, and
he was the object Of constant suspicion
by the authorities.
But his ideas made Roadway. Charles
Dickens was very early won over to his
idea, and when Morrell undertook to
raise fund by private subscription for
band concerts in the park Dickens was
among the first to send him a contribu-
ton. Huxley, Owen. CARPENTER and other
professional men also helped him out
when he undertook to establish Sunday
evening entertainments i'm London.
The record OF Morrells fight for more
liberal Sunday has, to this generation,
its amusing side, but for Morrell's gem
Grafton ii was a problem 50 tangled up
with religious issues and Sd Nal habits as
to be fairly painful in its solution.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20
MAKING MIDLAND TRAIL"
Third Transcontinental Route Is
Now in Progress.

The Midland Trail" third of [ three
transcontinental routes to be laid out this
year by the A. A. A. touring information
board is now in process of preparation,
with A. L. Westgard. the associations
field representative, well on his way from
New York to Los Angeles The route for
this trip is through Philadelphia. Read
ing. Harrisburg, Pittsburgh. Col -mbus.
Indianapolis st. Louis and Kansas City,
over the Golden Belt road of Kansas
to Denver, and across the Rockies to Salt
Lake City; thence through Ely, Tonopah
and Goldfield, New, to the California line
reaching Los Angeles via Independence
and Mojave. 1t is expected that the Rock
les will be crossed before the end of Oc-
tober, so as to avoid cold weather in
that region later in the year.
AS in the case of the Northwest
Trail and the Overland Trail" great
enthusiasm is being aroused along the en-
tire line. The Midland Trail will be the
first transcontinental route across the en-
tire length of Pennsylvania. and through
several imortant cities on he national
road In Ohio and Indiana 1t also brings
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20

new class record for twenty-five miles in
21:1242
The scene then shifted to the Galveston
beach meeting. where, after finishing first
and second in their class, the cars tackled
the free-for-all contingent, a galaxy OF
cars surprising in number and class any
thing gathered at any 1912 meeting during
the season, the Indianapolis sweepstakes
alone excepted. While unable to defeat
all the big speed demons in any one race
the entrants amazed motordom by their
speed and consistency, and closed the
meeting with at least one win over every
car of the score or more entered. except
ing only two high-powered foreign-buili
racers. Evans and Tower closed tLciI
seasons competition with short cam
paign on the mile dirt tracks.
Probably the most striking performance
was that scored by Evans at Cleveland
where from a standing start he won a
five-mile event from a big field in 49,
the first time that a light car had ever
approached sixty -mile-an-hour speed on
such track.
A feature of the campaign was the fact
that it was marked by no accident De-
spite the terrific speeds developed. the
cars ran steadily and were handled Well.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20
STUDEBAKER TEAM
QUITS FOR SEASON
Their WhirIwind Campaign
Resulted in Annexing
Many Records.

Having bettered since May l virtually
every record on the books of the Amer
lean Association for the light-car class.
the Studebaker racing team has dis
banded for the season.
Using continuously the same two cars,
Drivers Evans and Tower carried the
Studebaker fortunes in a rapid success
sion of events on road, track and beach.
An idea Of the sensational success of
their wirlwind campaign may be gathered
from the wholesale slaughter of records
which resulted.
The first start was in the light-car di-
vision of the Santa Monica road race.
Before the date of this event the best
time on record for the class was an
average of 1913 miles per hour. Evans
clipped off CO., miles per hour, and Tower
was close behind. In Tacoma's big road
race, a short time after, Evans and
Tower, finishing first and second, aver
aged nearly sixty-two miles an hour.
On the mile board track at Los Angeles
Evans made one attempt at the existing
short distance marks. He turned the
mile in $685. two miles in 1:441O, three
in 2:35.SO. four in 3:242o, five in 4:15.95
and ten in S:31.35. The former records
were, respectively, 4:2020 for five and
S:4O.16 for ten miles.
Amazed All Motordom.
On the same day Towers Studebaker-
a twin of the Evans car-established a
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20
Pearls More Precious.
rom the London Standard.

TONI Inc LONDON Standard.
The announcement thai, owing to the
lack of success attending pearl-fishing this
year. the Geneva jewellers will advance
prices p per cent in the autumn will
come as welcome news to owners of
pearls and those who invest in pearls as
a gilt-edged security.
For some time now the pearl has
been fashionable stone, and it's popu-
larity shows no sign of diminishing" said
one of the leading Hatton-garden dealers
to a representative. Pearls seem to be
preferred to colored stones by many peo-
pie. and during the past year have beer
very much sought after. Fine pearls are
very scarce, as are large pearls of good
quality. Pearls are advancing steadily in
price; within the past four or five months
the rise has been anything from 10 pei
cent to 30 per cent. and they are bound
to go higher"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20

the eastern portion of the proposed new
highway. One of the sections was appropri-
ately named the ''old trails highway.
covering the southea stern portion of the
new route from arizona and New Mex
leo, through to California
This is believed to be the most feasible
course for the new highway across the
continent
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20
Quite Aware of It.
. Chicago Tribune

+
Porcollum (of the Daily Bread)-My
dear. you are not only my chief incentive
to work but my lifelong inspiration
Mrs. Porcollum-I know I'm your inspi-
ration. all right. Percival. Whenever l
mix a metaphor or make a little mistake
in my grammar you turn it into a story
and get pay for it.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20
in sight of the goal. kid

in sight of the goal. Kid Egan riding
an Excelsior received the day before
covered more than 100 miles before beA
ing compelled to drop out through losing
the road. Not a single protest was re-
corded against any of the officials or
checkers. and a remarkably fraternal
spirit was in evidence throughout the run
in spite of the natural keen rivalry be-
tween the contestants
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20
Useful Information.
From Current Literature.

rom Current Llterature.
Donald and Jeanne were putting down
a carpet Donald slammed the end of
his thumb with the hammer and began
to pour forth his soul in language befit-
ting the occasion.
Donald, Donald" shrieked Jeanne, hor-
rified "Dinna swear that way?"
-Wummun.' vociferated Donald; "gin
We know ony better way, now Is the time
let me know it,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20

St. Louis and Kansas City into the lire
of transcontinental route that Will Re
Travelled more and more ii is Standard
lied and popularized. Kansas City hiss
already been placed on the Trail to sun
set" but st. Louis has never before been
linked up in this way.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-10-20
improved Bulbhorn.
Which Is Standard

Prominent among the tendencies in au-
tomobile design which have characterized
the past two years is that of changing
the steering wheel from the right side of
the car to the left and the gear-shift lever
and emergency brake lever from the right
side to the left or center. Today it is a
much-discussed question to which type
of drive and control should be made
standard, the number of companies
changing from the right-Side drive to the
left type during the past season making
the status Of the right-side drive a
standard construction somewhat doubt
full.