Omaha daily bee., 1912-03-14
Some Of the Trifles in Marriages
that Go Toward Making Tragedies
BY VIRGINIA TERHUNE VAN DE WATER.


The tiny rift in the lutte, the poet tells
us, will make the music mute. And the
seemingly tiny rift in the peace Of mar
red life win change the harmony Of
home into jangliag discord. Then be-
ware of the seemtnglS-little breaks!
The small things IN marriage and
Concentrating are what wear me out"
exclaimed a housewife. Il can stand
something that is big enough to lay
hold on. but the trifles get on my
nerves."
She voiced q common experience
one that is so universal that the heart
aches in thinking OF 1t. Somehow when
the big crises come most people bring
TO bear upon them all their strength
OF character and win out" or die-and
that Is the end OF the great trouble.
But with the trifles, especially In mar
rage. one finds that the last straw
breaks the back of ones patience. The
woman who could forgive a wrong OF
which her husband repcnted would
find herself out OF temper with him II
he forgot TO wipe his feet before he
came into the house from the muddy
street.
Were he IN. she could do all kinds OF
things for him. but she Is irritated be-
yond relief when he leaves his cigar
ashes and 'old soldiers" in the drawing
room for her TO throw away. The noise
that he makes when he sips his soup.
his way OF putting the wet ends OF his
mustaehe In ibis mouth after taking
liquids. exasperate her to the verge OF
madness. At least she thinks they do
when she let's herself consider them.
That is where the mistake comes, In
letting ones self consider them. And
that Is where women make their fatal
error. Their life, their training In the
little duties Of the home, which are quite
important after all, had taught them TO
notice details, TO place great Significance
upon them. And the woman, whose duty
II is to see that every bit Of silver Is
properly polished, who must be careful to
notice whether or not the rungs OF the
chairs are busted. who is responsible
for the unrepaired rips In the family
wardrobe and must plan for the use Of
every particle. of food in the cupboard.
cannot fail TO place too much stress on
small matters. II requires a heroic eff
fort on her part to get away from the
tyrrany OF trifles. But II she would be
happy wife she must do II.
When the husband drinks his coffee
with a sound that is neither pleasant
nor appetizing she cannot help hearing
IL, but she can help speaking of II then
and there. That is where her wisdom
should manifest itself-in waiting for the
right time to speak Of things. For the
right time will come. the time when the
man is not tired. or in a hurry, or cross.
Then she may suggest tactfuliy and
gently that there is a little habit that
he has acquired. and that she feels Ii
only fair 10 mention IL to him, as she
would want him TO mention to her any
unfortunate trick of manner of which
she was unconscious, but which an
noyed him. Then she may tell him of
the disagreeable habit he has formed.
He may take It gently: he may laugh,
and say II is her imagination: or he may
even be yexed and resent 1t. But she
will have done her best. and. In any case,
the man will probably remember the sug-
gestion she has made and break himself
OF the habit in question. II only to
prove TO his wife that he hasn't got il.
II he does not, then let the wife pay no
more attention TO 1t. After all. she is
not responsible for his bad manners. al.
though-poor soul-she feels that she is.
We women need to look at things in
their right perspective. I have said this
so often that l fear my readers will
think that / am a bit touched" on
that subject Perhaps. 1 am. At al,
events. / feel and believe that much of
our happiness or misery depends upon
our seeing things In the proper proper.
lions.
a Young sEife told me OF a quarrel with
der husband that ended in bitterness and
misery for both. And it all began with