davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
Don't Forget to Exercise.

No man Of affairs. however impor
tant or overdriven, can ever be too
busy to take time for exercise, unless
he wishes to apply for his long vaca.
ton decade or two earlier than is
necessary.
The place where the mummy Of the
Egyptians should be carried round at
regular intervals, with a reminder that
he has been dead for 10000 years. Ia
not at feasts, but In our business of.
fees. workshops, counting houses and
studios. There is where men are
really killing themselves, instead Of in
their sports, their luxuries, or even In
their vices.
Commercially slave-driving your
body and brain may sometimes be q
necessity, but the unbiased biologist
of the twentieth century Is beginning
to suspect that the praises Of indus
try, like those of sacrifice, are sung
most loudly and insistently by those
in church or state who hope to profit
by it-in ers!-Woods Hutchinson,
In Exercise and Health.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
IT WAS ON THE WATCHMAN
Thought BeIated Husband Needed 4
Drink After Test Handed
Out BY Wife. a

The new night watchman tiptoed
cautiously over the grass, and diving
forward. caught the little man by the
coat tail and jerked him down to a
seat on the lawn. Come along, me
foine feller," he said. IT'S up the
river for yours. No housebreakin' goes
on my beat"
"Oh, let me alone!" exclaimed the
little man peevishly. I'm not house
breaking. This is my own house. and
I'm trying to get in. Mind your own
business"
Likely story" grunted the watch.
man; "enterin' yer own house be the
windy at one o'clock in tn mornin'.
Tel that to the Judge"
II tell you it Is my house. My wife
locked me out, and l was trying to get
in this way when you interfered. The
front door is bolted. There's the key.
If you want to try. Or you 60 and
ring the front door bell and see what
happens"
The watchman. still keeping tight
uoiu VI AAS prey, WoAhcu 0Ao"y "uo
quietly up to the front door, then sud.
denly gave the bell a vicious ring. A
second floor window opened with q
snap.
William" said a voice SO chilly that
the watchman shivered down his back
bone, "can you say six thousand si1
hundred and sixty-six separate satel
lites scintillating sparks slowly and
with respect to sibilance?"
The watchman. still grasping the
shuddering William, made his way
noiselessly to the gate, then whispered
to the little man:
Say, come down to the corner and
get a drink to warm you up after
that. I guess it's on mel"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
HUM0R OF THEIR OWN MAKE
No Profession, Trade or Industry But
Has Its Own Technical
Jokes.

There Is hardly profession, trade
or industry nowadays that does not
have a periodical or organ Of its own.
And few, indeed, are the publications
of this kind that do not devote a week.
ly or monthly page to the Tighter
side" of the branches Of human activ-
ity to which they are devoted. This
technical humor has a twofold interest
for the layman, that Of the jokes and
anecdotes he can appreciate on the
one hand and that Of those which are
incomprehensible to him on the other.
He finds no difficulty, for instance.
in the familiar anecdote Of the bank
presidents daughter who, on being
informed that her account was over.
drawn, severely told the paying teller
mot to let it happen again or she
would have to speak to papa about it,"
but he would very likely be unable to
see the humor Of banking story
whose point lay in some detail Of the
routine of the clearing house. And yet
the latter might be by far the better
Of the two. The fun of the story of
the new boy in the machine shop who
is told to fetch bucket Of steam from
the engine room is obvious enough,
but that Of an anecdote turning on
scme technical point Of machine con.
struction will appeal only to the mi.
tiate. Medicine has it's strictly pro-
fessional anecdotes Of sickroom, con.
sulting room and operating room,
many Of which would be grisly to
the layman II he could grasp their
meaning; but it has also, for his
amusement, It's tales Of the amazing
misinterpretations of medical direc-
tions by the unsophisticated patients.
chiefly of Irish and German nativity.
The church and the law. the arts and
the sciences all have this double form
Of humor. No doubt even the under.
takers shop has its fund Of anecdote.
One willingly takes 1t for granted.
The body Of humor keeps close step
with progress and development in all
the professions. trades and industries.
The humorous columns Of their or
gans are there to prove it. No doubt
aviation has already developed fund
Of technical anecdotes Of its own.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
MADE GREAT SPEAKING TRIP
National Lecturer Makes Circuit on
Which He Addresses More Than
Fifty Large Oranges.

Oliver Wilson. lecturer OF the Ma
tional Grange. has just returned to
his home in Peoria. Ill.,. after making
a circuit of summer field meetings
which has seldom II ever been
equaled by any officer OF the National
Grange. He was gone seven weeks,
during which he addressed more than
so large Grange gatherings In nine
different states. the total audience
reaching fully $4,000 people.
His itinerary included Missouri,
Kansas, Colorado. Maryland. West
Virginia. Massachusetts,, Connecticut,
Rhode Island and Ohio. and In every
case the national lecturer was given
an enthusiastic greeting He is a Wig
orous and effective speaker. who pre-
sents facts in a direct and forcible
way that is distinctly convincing, and
his presentation Of Grange meaning
and purpose is exceedingly clear and
effective
In every instance Mr. Wilson was
given thoughtful audience, and MS
words were listened to with closest
attention. He spoke OF what the
Grange has accomplished in years
past for the good Of the country. and
particularly for rural progress. and
outlined It's present policy OF effort
along many worthwhile lines. Mr..
Wilson is not only one Of the most
progressive and efficient Of the Ma
tional Grange officers Of the present
year, but he Is regarded by many az
quite possibly the coming master OF
that organization. when one shall be
elected at the annual session at Co
lumbus, O., In November
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
7ERJCK COUNTY, MD, THURSDAY, JANUARY H. 1872

passed her and began to pace the
deck, bestowing a. casual glance OF In
terest upon each newcomer.
The girl! Was she-could she be-
she, A Jealous pang shot through
her. Perhaps-perhaps they were
even now on their wedding tour; the
man she had worshipped with her
whole heart and soul-and this little,
doil-faced wisp! She bit her lip sharp
ly; suddenly her head went up. What
right had she to cherish such feelings
when she had deliberately given him
up to this other woman? The sud
den temperance of Hartacre cut
short her reflections. He came
straight toward her and held out his
hand.
This is surely an unexpected pleas
ure, Miss Roswell. l presume we
shall be fellow passengers?
The scarlet mounted to Emily's tenn
Piles. She gave him her fingers easily.
however, and smiled an affirmative to
his question.
The mans heart gave quick lurch.
He flushed as their hands met what
was It? He had never seen her half
so lovely before, he thought Was 1t
because of her unattainableness?
Was 1t because of a certain softening
gravity that had come to her face?
I've been reading Bertrand" he
went on carelessly, to hide his emo
ton. ITS wonderful, Miss Emily" !,
= Thank you. l hope the public will
think SO. BY the way. went last
week to look at Dixie. 1t seems to
occupy rather conspicuous place IN
the gallery. felt proud-and consid-
erably flattered. l was never halr so
good looking. Mr.. Hartacre." She
laughed lightly.
He half opened his lips to reply. but
catching sight of his companion OF the
gang plank beckoning to him. he
raised his hat, smiled and hurried on.
Emily turned abruptly and moved
toward the deck rail. The water be-
low, glistening In the sunlight, seem.
ed to fash a million mocking colors
back into her burning eyes. Her heart
beat in her throat; every nerve ting!ed
and ached To think that she was
still fool enough to care!
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
Chance for One-Armed Man.

I'm looking for a one-armed man"
said the patron of New York restau-
rant. "If you know Of man who has
only q right hand I can make him .
good business proposition--one that
will save him lot of good dollars and
save me the same amount. His right
hand, however. must be No. ~.
Its this way: Several months ago
sprained my ankle and for many
months was obliged to lean heavily ON
a cane. To protect my left hand I
wore a glove on that hand, but did
not use one on the right. The result
was that l wore out dozens of left
gloves, but the right hand ones I nev.
or put on"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
RECORD DRYDocK WORK.

With the aid of his well-trained
canal diggers and lockbuilders. 1t is
probable that Colonel Goethals is 60
ing to break all records in the matter
of drydock construction, by building
two great docks at Colon. and having
them completely equipped and ready
for the reception of any ships patron
izing the Panama canal by the time
that waterway is opened in July. 1918.
Heretofore, 1t has taken from three
to four years for the government to
build q drydOck.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
ASTHMA CATARRh
CURED

Expert Medical Scientists Announce
Startling Results Obtained by Senpihe
New York: Thousands are taking ad-
nt1ge of the generous offer made. by
~ Nondworth Company Dept. G li6l
Broadway, New York City, requesting
An experimental paekingsof Senpine, the
great discovery for Asthma. Hay Fever,
Bronchitis, and Catarrh. which is mailec
free of charge to all who write for it
1t makes indifference how long you have
been suffering or how severe the chmatp
conditions are where you live, SenpIne
will cure you.
If you have experimental with Other
Treatments and have failed to find cure
do uet'bediscoursged but send for atrial
of this wonderful truly meritous remedy
which is scientific compound discovered
by Professor Of Vienna University. and
is being recommended by thousands.
apr siyr
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
WEALTH OF THE NATIONS
United States Does Not Make Tire.
mendousIy Good Showing In
Worlds Financial Column.

Tor all Its vaunted wealth the Unit
ed States, in 80 far as per capita ratio
goes, does not make such tremen-
dously good showing in the worlds
financial column. The wealth In the
United States in 1910 was estimated
at s125.OOO, 100000, by far the greatest
amount credited in bulk to any one
country. Yet the per capita wealth
was only 1889. Great Britain in 1909
was worth $SS, TIE, 900, 900, each person,
according to the census, thus getting
1872. France. with So, ,000, ,000, 900 In
191N had a per capita wealth OF
$2,O70; Germany had sea, 500, ,000, 900,
with q per capita Of $1,000. Russia's
total wealth was 100000, 100000, but
ite enormous population dragged the
per capita down to $400, while Swift
zerland, with a total wealth Of only
5000, ,000, 900, has a per capita rating
Of $3.50. The per capita division IN
Sweden amounts to $402 out Of total
of $2,197,O00,0 1000. Switzerland, In the
last few years, made 20 per cent.
kalu III udtioudi WcdilA. AA0 o'SA"eo
per capita wealth in the 2b cantons
ranges from 1885 in Geneva to $27S
In Tessin. Switzerland thus stands
very high. The population in 1921
was 1,8s5,229, so that in 80 years
time It has not doubled. France, 1t
will be noted, stands at the head OF
the nations with a per capita wealth
Of $2,O70. That the United States.
with it's enormous total, does not rank
higher is because Of the rapidly In
creasing population. France, on tho
contrary, has reported diminishing
or at the most very slowly increas-
ing population, so that the money ad-
vance has become greater than the
birth rate.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
UNCLE SAM LOSING MONEY.

Why Is It that France with con-
gested population and limitations Is
richer than America with vast natural
resources? One would expect the ex-
ploitation of our great natural wealth
to put this country far In the lead. yet
the reverse Is true.
Paris Is the Mecca of foreigners, he
declares. They come from all parts OF
the world to enjoy life in the great
metropolis. and the yearly income
from this source alone approximates
$G0O,000,000 Along with this item the
earnings of French capitalists on their
investments In the securities and prop
critics of other countries amounts to
fully 50OO0.OOO yearly. On the other
side of the account Is an adverse bal
ance of trade, which In 1907 amounted
to $120,000,000. Deduct this outgo
from her income of $850,000,000 and
it leaves France with $73o.OOO.Oo0 to
the good.
Instead Of getting an income OF
$G0O.OOO.000 from foreign tourists. the
United States pays out at least $780,
100000 for the expenses Of American
tourists abroad Again. instead OF
drawing $25O.0O0.O00 yearly from for
eign investments. this country pays
out $300,000.000 to foreign investors
In our securities and properties. A
third factor is the army of aliens who
flock here from all parts of the world
to hoard up money. which they take
costs us $3O0,O00.OOO more. Add
sl0O,000,OOo more which We pay for
ocean freights in foreign vessels and
the yearly outgo is $780, 100000. De-
duct our yearly income of $500,O 0OO0
for favorable trade balance and 1t
leaves a yearly deficit of $3.50, 10000.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
The alarm came at midnight.

Inc alarm came at mlunlHut.
Emily rose, dressed herself quickly
and calmly In accordance with the
brief directions she had received out
side her door, and hurried out to
where the women were huddled to-
gether in terrified groups. The wild
was blowing a gale, and the deck was
in absolute darkness Suddenly she
felt the pressure of strong fingers on
her arm, then the sound Of mans
voice:
Don't lose your nerve. We've
struck a rock and there's no calculating
the seriousness Of the situation. But
they're getting ready to lower the
lifeboats now and think 1t will be all
right with everybody"
Emily half reeled. With q little
smothered cry she turned and clung
convulsively to the man at her side.
Robert" she moaned, "is it-does 1t
-mean-death?"
In the darkness hartacre slipped
protecting arm about the girls trem-
bling form and dre'- her close to him.
1T might he said gravely, but
don't think So Emily"
For answer she sobbed softly against
the coat sleeve.
We're facing eternity" he went on
hoarsely, tell me the truth. Did you
never love me?'
Always" she murmured. until
knew-about-the other girl
But there's never been any girl.
Miss Kenton Is my cousin
Il read the news Of your expected
marriage, in a paper-and all about
your success with-'Dixie. l thought
that you had been merely using me as
a type and-and were trifiing"
II painted your portrait because
loved you," he said simply.
"Yet you believed yourself to be the
villain"
why not?"
Because" she whispered. because
you were-the hero, Bob"
The Dresden girl came out on deck
Just in time to see. by swift flash
OF lightning, Robert Hartacre stoop
and kiss the girl he held in his arms.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
FOR CURE OF PNEUMONIA
Physician Tells Of Successful Use es
Camphor In Practice
Since 1906.

There have been and still are many
varieties Of treatment for pneumonia.
A long list would be required to indi.
cate all the medicaments which have
been employed against 1t. Some even
consider that this affection is an all
ment which has a definite cycle.
They are of the opinion that no medi-
cation should be adopted which might
act or 1t and disturb it's development,
the proper course to take being one
Of expectation" or better, thera.
peauti.ue armee more particularly de-
signed to combat complication.
DR.. Serbert, in the Muenchner Medi.
zinische Wochenschrift. describes the
remarkable results which he obtained
In the treatment of serious cases OF
pneumonia by means OF strong doses
Of camphor. He first had occasion to
use 1t in 1906 in case Of double
pneumonia, where the patient was
also suffering from typhoid fever. He
therefore practiced a subcutaneous
injection Of ~ centimeters Of cam
phorated oil GO per cent? recently
sterilized. The results obtained on
the pulse and respiration and gen.
eral condition were extremely salts.
factory. He renewed this dose every
IL hours, and he found after three
days the trouble had disappeared.
DR.. Serbert has since employed the
same treatment in Fl cases, one OF
which was extremely serious, since 1t
was a question of double complicated
pneumonia in woman ,seventy.two
years old. All these cases recovered.
1t seem certain that the camphor pro-
duced these effects, since there was
no real crisis, the cure being gradual
and slowly effected. - Philadelphia
North American.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11

pead Over What She Had Written.
ent society girl Of Pittsburg. The ar
lists latest success Dixie. the por-
trait Of a beautiful southern girl has
brought him rapidly forward in the
ranks OF his profession. The social
word predicts q brilliant future for
the young couple, whose wedding will
probably occur In the early spring"
Modification and pain struggled for
mastery. The world seemed to slip
from under her feet and swim about
her In red and black circles. Scald-
ing tears welled to her eyes.
For q moment she buried her face
in her hands and sobbed stormily. But
her emotion spent itself quickly: pride
thrust q ray Of light across her cloud
ed brain and she controlled herself
instantly. She thanked heaven that
Providence had opened her eyes in
time to the true situation. For OF
course Hartacre's declaration could
have signifled only that he pitied her
and was deliberately sacrificing him.
self to her misinterpretation of his
friendliness. So, with a hand stead
led by a valiant purpose. she sealed
and addressed the letter and laid 1t
aside to be posted.
Three days later she received the
following reply:
New York. March 7th.
my Dear Miss Roswell:
'.Tnank YOU. very kindly for your con
sideration and candor. / have only to
teke. on the" contrary 1t was most ear
IT ana sincere. But realizing-as I am
f0Sced to--that' appealed to you mere
" % . study naturally there is but
one thing to do; accept your disposal OF
appreciate very much your good
wishes for me. and have no hesitancy
IN predicting for your 70. b. book aIo big , sensa-
OF the publishers. ! find no difficulty in
T.coens,ns the plaslns ,s1. personality m% Of
your unduestioned genius.
Cordially yours.
"HnBERT HARTACHE"
SIX weeks afterward, whom Emily
Roswell boarded the steamer that was
to take her back to her southern
home; she was not greatly surprised
to recognize the familiar features of
Robert Hartacre as he crossed the
gangplank with dainty girl clinging
to his arm She had, unconsciously
watched for the once wellloved face
90 continually that this abrupt appear
ance OF the owner of 1t failed to shock,
or even rufie. her admirably acquired
poiss. She bowed pleasantly a. he
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11

Visitor-I've just come from the doc
tors funeral, but | didn't see you
there.
Hostess-No-my husband didn't
care to 60, as funerals always upset
him.
Visitor-Oh, we'll, II you never go to
other peoples funerals, don't see
how you can expect them to come to
yours.-Punch.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
Burial Place Of Early Ohio Governors

Burial PIaCe OF EdTiy SH'o SoNSTuoVs.
Five governors of Ohio are buried in
the cemetery of our city," remarked
Mayor Wallace Yople of Chillicothe,
Ohio. at the New Willard. II say five
because one Of them, the founder OF
the town, Nathanie Massie, was de-
clared entitled to the Office although
he never took the oath. Massie was
beaten by Macarthur at the polls, but
after election 1t was found that Nc
Arthur had not lived long enough In
the state and could not serve. That
threw the office to Massie, the next
highest candidate, but he declined and
an acting governor served the whole
two-year term. Think of any one de-
clining the governorship Of Ohio or
any other state in these days!
. "The other Ohio governors who
lived and died in Chillicothe were
Duncan Macarthur, afterward regularly
elected; William Allen. Thomas
Worthington and Edward Tifin, the
latter being the first governor of the
state."-Washingto Post.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
Deceives No Ono.

"The expectation that you actually
can be one thing ana appear to be
another is doomed to disappointment.
Hypocrisy Is the saddest fallacy In
the world. The DISCUSSES Of the pre-
tender are 80 thin that the simplest
see through them. What you are
speaks SO loud as to drown altogether
any declarations you may make OF
what you wish men to think you are
The deceiver deceives no one but
maelt.'-Honry y, Cope.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
One From papa.

Papa" asks the little boy. why
do they say a woman is setting her
cap for a man when she wants to
marry him.
Because, my son." explains the
father softly, IF she sets her bonnet
for him she knows blamed we'll the
price of it will scare him to death" -
Judges ' ihro'~'
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
SOME NEW GRANGE METHODS
Application Of Direct Primary System
to Be Made by the Pennsyl.
vanla State Grange.

The latest application Of the direct
primary system is that which is to be
made by the Pennsylvania State
Grange, in its coming annual session
at Scranton 1t Is to be no partial
trial. either. but complete adapta-
tion Of the direct primary to the
Grange election. The method Is novel
and interesting:
Each candidate for any Grange Of
fee Is to be allowed certain space
in the State Grange paper to set forth
his qualifications for the office which
he seeks A time is then specified at
which a vote will be taken In all the
subordinate Oranges Of the state. on
the several candidates for all the
Grange offices. the voting being in
duplicate; the copy is filed with the
secretary of that Grange and the
other forwarded by the delegate to the
State Grange session and there depos-
tied. During the first day Of the state
session tellers will be appointed to re-
ceive these tally sheets from the dele
gates and tabulate the votes that the
Oranges have cast, ther announcing
the names Of the winners.
Good judges are in doubt how this
new method of Grange procedure will
work, while some declare 1t will en-.
counter all sorts Of snags. particularly
in cases where no election results for
some offices. 1t is furthermore an en-
tire departure from the representative
system Of government which the
Grange has long maintained. but the
Pennsylvania State Grange Is bound
to give the new system thorough
trial and its leaders express their en-.
tire confidence that 1t will work out
admirably.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
Close Calculation,

Close Calculation.
Passenger-Why does your boat hug
the shore?
Captain-For pressing reasons.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1912-01-11
M \0
/MMM1
NMWp

Conducted by Charles M. Gardner. Editor
of the National Grange. Westfield. Mass.