davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
LAWS INJUSTICE MADE PLAIN
Farmers Grievances Was That story
Once Accepted Should Not
Remain Good.

A story is being told at the expense
Of an old English farmer who was
recently called upon to explain why
he had failed to take out a license for
a fayorite fox terrier dog. "E's mob
but a puppy" the defendant remarked,
in response to a question IS to the
animals age. Yes, yes! So you say.
But how old is he?" "oh. weel, l
couldn' tell to a bit" was the reply.
Il never was much good at remem-
bering dates, but 'e's nobbut a pup
Ply" On the other hand, 1t was main
tanned that the animal in Question
was a very, very old-fashioned puppy,
and the magistrate inflicted the usual
fine. Shortly afterward the farmer
was met by a friend who wanted to
know how he had Jared at the police
court. "Nobbut middlin'," was the re-
ply. did they fine your" Yes" re-
sponded the victim; ian 'ang me If
can understand it! Last year an the
year afore that | told the same tale
about the same dog, an it wor allus
good enough afore! Who's been tam
| perrin wi the law sin last year?"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
Eaaer 10 See.

Ct" have a poem here entitled Alone
with Nature" said the sallow young
man with the long hair and the frayed
trousers. 1T is a personal impress.
sion"
"Is it," replied the editor of the
Chicago Record-H Herald. as he hastily
glanced at the opening lines. "Have
you ever been alone with ~nature?"
Il have, and, oh, 1t is glorious-Rlo-
~riousl"
Here's a dime. Get on a trolley
car and ride as far as you can. Go
back to nature and spend another hour
or two alone with her. You say you
plucked the hazel blossoms by the
stream. If you are able to find any
place where you car do that let me
know. l want to watch you while you
do it."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
"And Aaain MY Brethren"

A certain small girl, YEARLY listen.
ing to a long sermon by a renowned
cleric who had an odd habit of draw
ing in his breath with a curious whis-
tie, whispered to her mother that she
wanted to go home. The mother, ex.
pecting the discourse to end momen.
tarily, refused permission. The third
time this happened the mother muir
INJURED in the child's ear that the
preacher would Don stop now. But
the child, nervous and despairing, an
swered her in a high falsetto:
mo, mother, he is NOT going to
stop. / thought so now for three
times, but he has gone and blowed
himself up again!"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
a cole s,orv


There's another story of a man who
rang the bell at the gates of Paradise
and asked Peter if he might go
through.
What we're you on earth?" asked
the saint.
WE'LL" was the response, during
TIE latter part of my life | didn't do
much but play golf"
Got a golf ball on your"
Yes; here's a Chancellor"
st. Peter took it and threw 1t over
his shoulder, where it rolled away.
For a minute or more he looked
critically at the applicant, then shut
the gate in his face and locked it.
Whats the gamer" said the man.
You are no real golfer" said st.
Peter. You don't ven know the first
rule of golf-to keep your eye on the
ball and follow through"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
Mrs. HanSon's PreSentment
tcopyright I0Il. BY Associated Literary PTes,,J

By EMMA SANDERSON

U A4 H.-HH 4h. F.. rNH. HHntE
What makes you bake SO much al
once?" asked James Hanson of his
wife as she stood looking meditative
ly at the array Of pies, cookies and
crullers which gave testimony of her
mornings work.
1t was some little time before Mrs
hanson answered; she seemed to be
considering whether she would say
what was in her mind.
You will need them all during
the next few days, James," she an,
nounced finally. "For--I am going
hence tonight"
Going hence!" Mr.. Hanson repeat
ed. What in the world do you mean
by that?"
Just what | say, James," Mrs. Han.
son replied with convincing finality
4 know that tonight would be my
:ast one so have things all ready to
leave. There won't be any too much
on hand with all the relatives com.
Ing. You know what an appetite
~ DCACuiSt Always uAS.
"Maryt" said Mr.. Hanson, coming
nearer to his wife and looking criti
cally at her. do you feel cold or in
a chill?"
No. not a Bit" the answer came
calmly.
Hot then?"
mo. not hot either. 1 feel remark,
ably well considering what is before
me tonight. | have the bedrooms
ready. too" she added, with satisfac
ton Il have made up a bed in the
east room; thought it would do well
enough for Henry"
Mary. Mary! What ails your
broke In Mr.. Hanson, now thorough,
ly aroused to the awfulness of the
occasion and with a long lost look OF
tenderness creeping over his grim
face. DO you mean to say that you
really believe that you are going to-
to die-tonight?"
Certainly" responded Mrs. Han.
son. Il know it,"
Come, Mary, now, and sit quietly
while | go after DR.. Jones; he'll rea.
son you out of this and tell you what
! wrong idea you have in your
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
Saw Mo Difference.

People who seek books from the
fiction section make some funny
breaks" says a librarian of the Libra
ry of Congress. Il have made note Of
a number of these, but none of them
amused me more than the request Of
a ~sour-looking spinster.
"She sternly demanded of me a copy
of The Recollections of a Liar l told
her that | didn't know of it, but that
could give her The Recollections Of
a Married Man
""That will do said she acidly
It's practically the same thing
Li%ppincott's.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
LIKE A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU

game day after day. and get out of it
all the fun Of the most amusing sport
ever invented without troubling their
pretty heads too much about the FL.
ture, while the b~ewildering number
and variety of men that 60 and come
beneath the eyes OF such women il.
creases the romantic interest In the
situation, and lends it a convenient
indefiniteness. In a community where
there Is a feminine surplusage Of man
thousands the position of the few that
have a daily speaking acquaintance
with several hundred men each is
unique and picturesque. They acquire
the taste Of the connoisseurs. and have
definite opinions as to the kind Of man
that is worth a bit Of extra trouble
and the kind that deserves to take biz
coffee and crullers unsweetened b
even the ghost Of q smile.-Boston
Herald
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
Wherever Young Women Are Publicly
Employed Cupid Has His
Hands Full.

Not very long ago a restaurant
keeper let it be known that he wanted
"a plain woman as cashier, because ne
was tired Of teaching pretty girls their
task only to have them whisked away
to matrimony. Many girls In semi
public places find their occupation In
some sort the equivalent Of a matri-
monial agency. which is exactly what
some practical persons would call any
sort Of organized social life. Wher
ever young are thus publicly
employed Cupid seems to have his
hands full There Is always some man
talking conldentially to the girl be.
hind the eating bar. and grizzled
trifers display their overmature van
ity to the laughing young women who
dispense ceffee at cut rates In a dozen
neat little shops. 1t Is happily given
10 most girls to see no farther than
they choose to look. so that they are
able To carry on the romantic little
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
Where the Fruit Grows.

Michael Casey, a politician in San
Francisco, who has been in office and
on the city payroll for many years,
was addressing a meeting Of his fel.
low-citizens. 1t was a labor meeting.
You men must know" spouted
Casey, that you are the great body
polite in this city. You are the roots
and trunks Of our great municipal
tree, while we who represent you in
Office r merely the branches on that
magnificent tree"
True for you, Mike.,' piped a man
in the back of the hall, 'but did ye
ever notice all the fruit grows on the
misunderstanding Evening Post.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

mind" Mr.. Hanson made himself
'eady In haste. noticing meanwhile
The air of preparation that the whole
house presented. Upstairs on the
pest dresser stood a huge bouquet of
sweet peas of Mary's own raising
which breathed Out a welcoming fra.
GRANGE. The entire effect sent his
leart to his throat and he fastened
put with anxiety on his face.
He was gone only a few minutes,
however.
THE doctor isn't in, nor won't be
Until evening" he announced trem-
oiingly. How r you feeling now
Mary?"
ITS just as well he wasn't there.
lanes" his wife answered cheerfully
You know I'm not going till tonight,
anyway"
What would you say, Mary. to get
ling out for a ride? It's a beautiful
day and 1t might do you good" Mr.
Hanson suggested, at his wits end
20 know what to do next
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

$50 you were given an interest in
your employers business?"
YES" replied the Industrious youth;
but l made a mistake in accepting it.
| had less work as a regular employe
than as a minority stakeholder"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
Woman,s Wav.

"a woman's convention, Ell? What
do women know about enthusiasm?
Now at the last national convention
we men cheered our candidate for an
hour"
That's all right" said his wife.
I'VE threw kisses at ours for sixty-sev-
en- minutes by the ock.'-Louisville
Courier-Journal.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
Stop the Pain.

The hurt Of a burn or a cut stops when
Coles Carbolisalve is applied. 1t heals
quickly and prevents scars. Csc and Soc by
druggists. For free sample write to
]. w. Cole & Co., Black River Falls, Wis.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
Too Much Reclining.

'FIow was 1t that Camps failed in
his bed-manufacturing business% "He
got too much in sympathy with the
business" How could he do that?'
"He lay down on the Job"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

Thousands of C~onsumptives die every
year. Consumption results from a neg
leeted cold on the lungs. Hamlins Wizard
Oil will cure these colds. Just rub'it into
the chest and draw out the inflammation.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

You win notice that the man who is
always talking about how hard he
had to work when he was young is
usually behind with his work now,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

The man who hides his light under
a bushel is sometimes surprised to
find that the sun still shines.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
His Exact Sort.

What kind Of a glass of fashion
did 0phelia consider Hamlet?" "As
long as she called him Lord Hamlet,
I suppose she considered him a peer
glass"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

The total fire loss for the year 1911
is expected to total at 5000, 100000 In
the United States and Canada.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
IHinh Aim.

Let us endeavor SO to live that
when we come to die even the under
taker will be sorry."-Mark Twain.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

De Jaw-No, we never have roast
pork at u house any more.
De Paw-EWhy, I thought you were
very fond of 1t?
De Jaw-So I am, but my wife's
pet dog won't eat any of it at all.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18
Only Proper Course.

Fl hate a thing done by halves. II II
be right, do Il boldly; II 1t be wrong;
leave Il undone. -Gilpin.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

The only time some people worry is
when they worry other people.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

Some people get so accustomed to
looking on the bright side that they
can't e the other side at all.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

Not Vet, but Soon.
Waiter. are you among those who
believe In a%bolishing tips?s
Yes, sir; beginning next week, sir"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

uIS, you huUWs
Eyes; but my fancee is rich enough,
SO I'll have the leisure all right"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-01-18

! know not IL her eyes are light
As summer skies on darkest night
I only know that they are dim
With mystery. In vain I peer
To make their hidden meaning clear.
While Ger their surface, like q tear
That ripples to the silken brim.
A look OF longing seems to swim
All worn and wearylike TO me;
And then, as suddenly, my sight
Is blinded with a smile so bright,
Through folded lids I still may see
Ny bride. my bride that is to be.
james whitcomb Riley.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26

Geo. Shaefer has gotten the North
Fork road passable for wagons down
to his ranch ten miles below the
Horse Ranch. He took a moving
machine down last month and is
taking Il six hole range down this
week. He says that with five hum
dred dollars the road could be made
so he could haul reasonable lo,,ds
to and from lis ranch. 1t is but
seven miles distant from the Shae-
fer ranch down to the Beezely saw
mill from which there is good road
to Somerset and this could be built
for thousand dollars it is estimated.
The ranchers on the road are all
willing to contribute work to COM
plete the road and business men in
Paonla are raising a fund for the
same purpose. Commissioner
Whalen is replacing the bridges that
were washed out this spring. What
will the business men and others
here do toward finishing this much
needed road.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26

Not less than a million dollars
dam age was sustained in the North
Fork Valley by the big snow storm
the first Of the month by the break
ing down OF the fruit laden trees
and the frosting of the ripening
peaches and apples.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26

Mr.. S. C. Robinson caused his
many faicnds very grave concern
this week. lie with Henry O'Neal
started from town last Saturday
morning for Crystal, leaving the
impression that they would be back
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26

Many bird hunters are reporting
gaouse not US plentiful in thu hills
as Usual while the sight Of deer
with horns has not been reported.
The open season for deer with horns
begins Oct. 1st and lasts six days.
The grouse season closes on the
tenth OF October while the duck
season opcns Oct. 1.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26

The c5tlI anniversary of our
company was eelebrnted by
erecting the most modern safe
factory IN tho world. Wide.
awskc msn who received our
special selling iBducement,
rendered itnecessar ~ to double
our output. We arc spending
many thousands Of dollars en-
Ia arging orr ssles organization
but to lea m all particulars, 1t
will cost you onIy the price od
q postal card.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26

Monday, or Tuesday at the latest
Thursday noon the hunters pulled
in, having been forced by the snow
to stay in cabin for the greater
part of two days.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26
IJII:5lE5L13E

70 hauaIc money. We conAns ourselve
70 It, give our entire attention to 1t, an.
can. consequently, do so cheaper tina,
either ths express companies OF the pos
Office. Next time you want Z none,
order come to us and buy = BANF
MONEY ORDER. II 10 the most con
Ves,lsnt and best money order, good any
where, and we can save you money ifyo,
ars sending away any amount above $500
BANK of CRES TED BUTTE
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26

Selling Victor Safes aud hre-proof bo1cs
70 merchants, doctora, lawyers, dentists and
well-to do farmers, all OF whom rca li5c the need
one. Salcsmen declare our proposition one OF
the best, cIean-cut money making oppoItuni-
tfes ever rccsived. Without previous expert
Our handsomely illustrated 2oo-psge ea,sTog
vii cnabic YOU to present the subject TO Gus
lhen through our factory. Men appointed ! s
lNiCe and lnstrMclions for aelliRG Aaiea. giving
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26

> I'm possible Tor ProspecNe Cnstomer to deny Why
vicinity befoy else gAts the tsrritory7
each lOcn IttY,
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26

von were plotting them tnroug
sAlesmen receive advice and ini
convincing tslktng points which
don't WV be the first to appl,
We can favor only one salesms
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1912-04-05
MRS. VERMILYA DENIES
GUILT ON THE STAND
Invalid Mother Defendant Says That She
Loved the Persons She Is Charged
With Killing.

Chicago, April 5.--Hundreds of peo-
pie crowded Judge Sulliyan's courtroom
yesterday to hear Mrs. Louise Eermil.
VA make her denial on the witness stand
OF what has been termed by the states
attorney the most dastardly and subtle
murders OF modern days.
There was 4 hush in the crowded court
room as the woman in black was slow.
ly carried in her invalid chair to the
witness stand TO resume her story Her
thick, black veil was thrown back and
showed her face pale and haggard. With
an air of confidence. she settled in her
chair, and looking straight at the jury,
said in answer to q question from her
lawyers
No, | did not kill Richard r. Smith;
| did not kin Arthur Bissonnette. !
never killed anybody. | loved all these
people whom | was charged with kill
ing. Gladly would give my life for
the lives Of my husband and my chill.
dren.'
Before she could go further with this
Statement, objections were sustained
The woman declared she knew moth
ing of poisons or how to administer
them She said she was engaged to
marry Richard Smith She described
the funeral of Smith after denying
that he had eaten anything at her
house beyond some toast and tea that
she made for him under the orders of
a physician.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1912-04-05
ROUGE SECRET BETRAYED
BY A CLOAK STAIN
The Mystery of "Taxicab Murder" Is
Solved by Doubling
Maid.

New York, April 5.--Alurder will ont
and so. sometimes. will liquid rouge
Women do carry such things, even inta
such places as the hotel Vanderbilt. Ii
was at the dinner hour at the Wander
bilt Just as amber .colored cocktails were
beginning to purl across the tables, when
young woman stylishly gowned in thin
cream scisette trimmed with Nalenci
ennes, with slashes of foulsrd let into
the what youmay- il, swooned out
OF taXicab before the Park avenue
entrance into the arms of six of the
attendants.
oh oh A frightful accident" She
moaned Her opera cloak was thrown
aside, and on the front Of her dress Il
great red stain foot in diameter was
spreading in all directions.
"A physician cried the first attend
ant
"She's been stabbed" said one.
"0r shot" said another"
Another taNicab crime!"
After a careful examination. a doubt
ing maid found small vial, which she
held up in triumph.
"Hurrah!" size cried. "She's all rightiH
Gan rightly" echoed the Mortified at
tcndants in chorus.
Yes aud she produced a small bot
tie labeled Liquid Rouge
Il don't know how ! happened to spill
IL said the victim feebly; but it's
ruined my dress and / can't go to dinner.
Isn't it terrible!"
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1912-04-05

fourth teaspoon of salt and a tiny bit Of
pepper, and stir until thoroughly blended,
Pour ON to this gradually one cup OF
milk, adding about one.third at time,
stirring until well mixed, then beating
until smooth and glossy Add about a
cup of corn to this, let it heat through
and then strain and heat again. Serve
with waters.
Cream Of Corn Soup Ito one-half
can OF corn add one cup of water and
salt and pepper to taste. scald and
strain, then add two cups Of milk and a
piece of butter Thicker with a scant
tablespoon Of -four mixed with cold wa
ter. 4 little celery added to the corn is
an improvement.
Corn Pudding can Of corn. two
well beaten eggs, one teacup OF sweet
milk. one tablespoon sugar, one piece OF
butter about the size of a walnut, lit
tie salt and pepper. Put in creased bak-
ing dish and bake a nice brown.
Corn Oysters Mix one.half can OF
corn with two well-beaten eggs, one tea
spoon butter, one small teaspoon salt,
little pepper and enough flour to make
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1912-04-05
Milady's Toilet Table
BY Nine. DmlLLE

A simply home treatment that keeps
the hair fine, fluffy and glossy is dry
shampooing once or twice a month with
therox. To prepare the powder. put a
cupful of cornmeal Tor four ounces OF
powdered orris rootl in fruit jar and
mix with it a small original package of
therox. Sprinkle little on the head
and brush it out thoroughly, and it will
take all dirt, dandrufr and excess oil
with it.
A luxurious everyday toilet necessity
of the choicest materials can be made at
home at little cost by simply dissolving
an original package of mayatone in a
haif-pint witch hazel. Cover the face.
neck and arms with this solution, and its
purity, ineness and velvety softness win
prove desirable and refreshing to the
most sensitive skin. 1t beauties with
out that powdered experimental
holds" as no powder does
4 splendid remedy for sores, skin erup-
tions, pimples. eczema and similar beau
ty destroyers is Mothers Salve. II heals
cuts, burns and scalds without leaving
a scar, and is recommended for obstinate
sores Ii is antiseptic as well as healing
and tends to prevent blood poisoning.
Probably nothing is more humiliating
to woman than hairs on her face
However. these can be quickly removed
BY applying delatone paste. Mix enough
powdered delatone with water to cover
the hairs; leave on for two minutes,
then wipe off, wash the skin, and the
hairs will be gone.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1912-04-05
VALUES WIFE'S DIAMONDS
AT $500 A QUART
Mrs Anthony Hears of 1t and Will Read
Riot Act to Her
Hubby"

Mrs. Anthony has been stirring up
considerable fuss by wearing slippers
with diamonds in the heels The ubiq-
uitous press, it seems, made a note OF
this and reports out in Muncie APP
preached Mr. Anthony anent the subject
and Mr. Anthony said
you can buy that kind of diamonds
at s. q quart"
Nov what do you think Of that? -
said Mrs Anthony at the Waldorf or
Wednesday evening. well, | wrote him
note this morning and said: You old
rascal, you. can't YOU ever learn to keep
stillT Talk about women being gabby!
They've got nothing on that husband Of
mine Such talker And always says
the wrong thing always! Wait till
get home. I'll read him the Indiana riot
act. DO You wonder I'm a suffragettef"