Oxford Democrat., 1912-08-06


From . recently published book by E:w.
Howe, for many years editor Of the Atchison
lKas.), Globe and author Of "The Story Of
Country TOWN.
So far a. is known no widow ever
eloped.
The eternal feminine question: "How
much 10 1t . yardf'
We never could get up much enthu-
siasm over the militia.
Every woman imagines she is an ideal
sick room visitor.
There is usually enough of everything
on the table except cream.
About all some men accomplish In life
10 to send son to Harvard.
II We were q woman We don't believe
We know man we'd marry.
II you want to make man very angry
get some one to pray for him.
About the ugliest creature on earth is
tall slim boy wearing spectacles.
Nearly every unsuccessful man We
ever met was good billiard player.
We have always found 1t pretty good
rule to avoid an ''intellectusl treat"
II the women had money bow we'll
they could get along without the men |!
"A woman looks prettier putting u baby
to sleep than she does on public plat
form.
Families with babies, and families
without babies, are SO sorry for each
other.
After every picnic, whether there was
q chaperOn or not, new hugging story
comes out.
Another girl who took piano lessons,
expecting to 60 into society, has turned
out stenog.
Why is 1t that so many girls are Epis-
copalans, while their mothers belong TO
other churches?
A man who never attempts TO sing at
any other time will break out when 10 a
picnic wagon.
When q man takes off bis socks you
can usually see scar on bis toe where
he cut it as boy.
What a servile creature rich man is
when he meets Q man who has more
money than he has!
| When o woman is on her last legs she
starts boarding house; man starts
FIRE insurance agency.
School children laugh as quickly at the
teachers jokes as church people laugh
at the jokes Of the bishop.
Look at any mans clothes, and you
will find from seven to seventy-ive
spots that should be removed.
When a man buys new hat be wants
one Just like the one he had before. But
q woman isn't that way.
Every town has Its men who take
pleasure In running after other mems
hats when they blow off,
There never was man so patient tha,
| It didn't make him mad to get line
under his horses tail when out driving
Maybe one girl in fifty has two men to
choose between, but we don't believe the
girl ever lived who had her pick of three
After a man has said "grace" at Il
meal some time Is required for those
around the table to become comfortable
again.
After a woman has powdered loul
time her face has purple look, like 8
boys chin when he stays in swimming
too long.
If there were no schools to take the
children away from home part of the
time the insane asylums would be fillec
with mothers.
What has become OF the oldfashioneC
farmer who caught the woman schoo
teacher who boarded at his house ant
washed her face in the snow?
We suppose there never was a married
woman who did not say to some one, al
some time, that IL 1t wasn't for the chill
dren she would leave him.
How sweet the short girls look wher
lthey are seventeen or eighteen! Bu'
after they begin to get the middle-agt
spread they don't lo"k 80 sweet.
About the only excitement out in the
country is to say at tue breakfast table
"The dog baiked last night AZ thougl
some one was .prowling around the
house."
Occasionally man finds his wife look
ing in a certain queer way, ard when ht
asks, "What Is the ma tep' she look,
at him a moment, bursts into tears, and
replies, "Nothing."
As seon as it is apparent that a young
man 10 In 8, ciety for the cream there
Ia in it, he should be turued out. The
object of society is to marry young peo
pie of, and they should pay attention to
1t or stay out.
When you we're boy did you have
any financial dealings with your father
II you did, we're they conducted on thi.
plan: Your father gave you calf. Wher
lyou had taken care of it for some time
and 1t became COW, he sold 1t and pu,
the money In his pocket. Almost every
boy has grievance of this kind against
bis father.