Albuquerque evening herald. [volume] (Albuquerque, New Mexico) 1911-1914, 1912-05-14
One Strenuous Day in
Life of a President
in Year 1913

10y 1IAFtAift AfltHIANU 1NpF
Washington. May n. 19is.--Thc
president arose NJ o'cmck this
morning, arrayed himself In g Rough
Rider uniform. walked over TO Baltl-
more. pulled the mayor out Of bed
and threw ham into Chesapeake bay,
jumped IN after him and swan with
him toward the Shores After arriy-
Ing on land the preslderf luughed for
twenty minutes, then walked back 70
Washington. where he pounded a
three-ton sandbag for half an hour.
He then took a bath and breakfasted
on soft-boiied ostrich eggs, two boxes
OF hard tack, crate OF grapefruit
and a quarter OF beef. After breakfast
the president went 20 the telephone
ana ended the insurrection In Mex
leo He next called for his steuogra-
pher and dictated the seven hundred
and forty -third volume of his famous
work, 'Sone Rascais / Have Known
He then walked into the kitchen,
thanked the chef for hts dee-lightfui
breakfast. ate small ham. and
strolled Into the hack yard. While
looking toward the Potomac river he
saw a roughly dressed stranger hurry
Ing IN his direction with an Internal
machine. The intruder was quickly
overpowerod and his machine taken
into The cabinet roam for examina-
ton. Il proved To be 4 Photographic
camera. recent invocation, which the
president had meyer seen before The
strange man was quickik released
upon proof OF his good Intentions.
The president has promised 20 have
his picture taken M an early date.
After eating another ham the prgsi-
dent went 20 his office, revised the
constitution. recalled the supreme
court and sent the pope word that
he would like 10 see one Of his old
friends appointed Bishop Of NADIA
gasenr He then oyerhauled the die
tionary and maGe some additions 60
the encyclopedia, certain wcll-
known resort VIII hereafter DC spelled
with one T. one Of his cabinet meek
IS Inquired why the place was not
abolished altogether. The president
roarcd with laughter for a quarter OF
an hour and replied, ~ need that
place ln my business"
On account 81 some recent criti-
cismH the president has created "a
new order 90 be known as She isis
ters OF saphira," which starts off with
"a healthy mombeFshlp and assurances
Of rapid growth.
After sending congress word TO
provide fifteen new bettleships the
president unchcd on "a school OF shad,
some barbecued lambs, a roasted pig,
an oven OF sweet potatoes and five
boxes of hard tack.
! Luncheon being over. the president
busted thirteen trusts and ended the
war between italy and Turkey He
then made addresses 20 the sons OF
the Rough Riders. % the splnseters'
Sodaiity og America. and Amalgamat-
ed office Holders Union.
The private secretary laid news
paper clipping before the president,
when the latter sprang from his
chair. kicked three holes IN the ce5i-
Ing. and roared, "Send that governor
a telegram telling him thut be Is q
liar."
The president then mounted hla
horse, rode Up the steps ~ the capt
col and into the rotnnda, where he
was received with tremendous cuthua.
iaam. Turning 80 one ndmiror be
chuckled and said with an those
----- fools around what man could
fail 10 be elected PRESIDENT"
II was announced that the train
bearing the German emperor was APP
preaching Washington The president
hurried 90 the station Just as the cm-
peror emerged from his car.
We'll, ole hoss. here you are IA
last How did YOU leave George and
the rest III the bunchg Never mind
that crowd Of Idiots outside. they