Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-03-24
WORSE THAN GOATS
U. S. Grant Caramel Proves
Boys Are When "RiIed."
ANIMAL PROVOkES FEUDS
Young Hopeful Happy, Though, I'm
til Mr.. Buttinsky Is Lost
HE OBTAINS DIRE REVENGE
Declares in Crowded Car as "Pav
Kisses "Ma" That He "Never
Saw Man Before"
HE OBTAINS DIRE REVENGE

LlelS nave naQ g multiplicity or domestic
adventures. but their experiment with
goat brought them into disrepute with
tho entire street. That little street is
lined with tho clean little houses which
one sees when one is out hunting for
nice little six or eight room place, with
two bath rooms and an imitation dome in
the dining ROOM Also each house 10
equipped with an electric fiat fron which
gives the real estate salesman a splendid
point for catching the close attention of
the brides who flock to see the houses.
Many OF these brides afterward become
real housekeepers. and 1t was these whom
the goat offended.
U. 8. Grant Caramel saw a tough little
boy riding in a chariot made Of two odd
sized wheels and a soap box. hauled by
| a much belabored and long suffering goat
which had never been washed.
He Wanted IT; He Got It.
IT want one of those" said T. 8.
Grant. simply.
But, dearie, we have no place for q
goat" said Mrs. Caramel. soothingly. But
if she hoped to suppress her offspring S
wild passion for goat by such simple
methods she was mistaken, for U. s.
Grant Caramel retorted:
Yes, we have place for him. 1 can
let him sleep in my bed
Mrs. Caramel being sensitively con-
stituted, was so disturbed by this sug-
gestion that she took step backward,
while hurrying postman walked stralght
into her from the rear The impact
knocked a score of letters from his hand.
scattered them upon the ground and in
the general confusion OF apologies from
Mrs. Caramel and efforts of the postman
to collect the miSSiveS. u. .. Grant Cara
mel set up a roar.
Don't cry, dearie," cooed Mrs. Cara
mel
but I want goat L want : a : goat-1-
There, don't cry. dearie. Oh. see the
little birdies!"
"Pa'' Caramel Drags It Home.
Now. If T. S. Grant Caramel had been
a full-sized. full-blooded man, had any
one directed his attention to a pair Of
foolish hittering brides at that moment
of anguish, he would have ripped the
foundations of the earth with his objur-
cations Of profane displeasure. AS it was
he merely stiffened out like a board
fell fiat upon the sidewalk and grew black
in the face. His mouth gaped wide and
stayed open for the space of sixty sec
onds, during which time his mother was
shaking him and pleading with him. Won
dering If the child was having fit. FL
nally when the roar came 1t was ike a
spring freshet bringing down an ava
lanche in the mountains, while above the
awful sound could have been heard Mrs.
Caramel promising him faithfully that he
should have a goat.
So the goat was bought. The very next
day Mr.. Caramel brought the animal
home, making Of himself an object or
much ridicule to the unfeeling citizens of
this town. who seemed to think 1t
funny sight that a government clerk in
derby should drag an unwilling goat
for a mile and a half from downtown to
Mount Pleasant.
Promptly Dubbed Mr.. Buttinsky.
L. s. Grant Caramel fell upon the goat
and kissed him and was received with
look of distrust by his pet, while Cleo de
Merode Caramel Immediately christened
the animal with bowl of oatmeal in her
haste to try riding astride- The goat
shook her of. and reared upon his hind
legs, coming down like battering ram
upon Mr.. CaramePs vest. Whereupon the
goat was immediately named Mr.. Buttin-
sky, and all the Caramels swelled with
pride over their cleverness in finding a
name 50 quickly.
Now the story of what the goat did
while in the possession OF the Caramels
would be worthy of Daniel De Foe He
made life along the mysterious street
constant adventure. He would emulate
the actions Of his wild mountain an
cestors and charge down the little three
foot terraces to scare elderly ladies into
Mysteries. He would wander into strange
houses, and on one occasion he cured
man Of the drink habit by suddenly ap-
pearing in a morning after bedroom sew
eral doors away from the Caramels
abode.
Active on Washdays.
He ate all the napkins and other ar
ticles Of household use hung out on wash
days. He knocked over ash barrels and
tore I'D front yards. People complained
to the health office. and there were feuds
between the Caramels and every one else
on the block.
So to make 1t short. Mr.. Buttinsky was
sentenced to Punishment. Mrs. Caramel
was going away to visit her mother for
three weeks. and 1t was decided that lit
tie L. S. Grant Caramel should go with
her, and that Mr.. Buttinsky should dis
appear in the meantime. the general be-
lief being that by the time the child re-
wild enthusiasm for the goat. The three
weeks passed. and Mrs. Caramel grew
worried at the approaching return. for
every day U. s. Grant Caramel had said:
I'll soon be seeing Mr.. Buttinsky."
A fine prospect for a mother Of a child
whose chief characteristic was his in
ordinate rage
She broke the news to him on the train
To take the return journey she had ar
rayed herself in new red clothes and a
purple hat. and wore gray spats and car
ried violets. She was decided blonde,
anyhow, and the combination made her
the object of glances from about eighteen
travelling statesmen who happened to be
in the Pullman.
All Decide to "See Her Home"
These travelling statesmen never sus-
peoted this brilliant bird of gay plumage
to be the mother Of four Caramels and
foster mother to a goat. They all de-
cided to "see her home" when she landed
in Washington.
When she broke the news Of the goats
Punishment to U. S. Grant Caramel he
did not stiffen out and roar Instead he
felt a deep and bitter animosity to his
own father. who had played him SO scurvy
a trick. He decided his father was the
embodiment Of all evil and treachery.
To him Mr.. Caramel appeared as the |
blacklist. most disreputable father who |
ever kidnapped his ch1ld's pet He sat
In his seat chewing gum and grimly rumi- |
mating.
Mr.. Caramel had planned surprise for |
her at the Union station went down TO |
Alexandria and boarded the train there. |
You should have seen that fond embrace.
that wonderful display Of true affection, |
when these two married lovers fell upon |
the neck one Of the other and Just babbled |
their joy. 1t was an exhibition toward |
which every travelling man on that train