The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1912-08-06
The COMEDY of the
JEW ELED LINKS
BY MAX PEN BERTON
lcopyrlsht. BIZ W. o. Chapmaa.l


In the Pharmacopoeia. or any clearly
defined medical treatment. which may
ever hope to grapple effectively with
the strange disease OF jewel-hunger,
but IL there be not, have much pleas
ure in recommending this most singu-
lar Ill to the notice of a rising genera
ton OF physicians. That It IL branch
of that mystery OF mysteries. la new
rose, l have no manner OF doubt, for
! have seen It in all it's forms-a NAL
ignant growth which makes night Of
tho lives IL plays upon: and fourishes
TO exceeding profit down in the very
heart OF tragedies. For the matter
of that. the flunkies, who study in the
kitchen-as the great master has told
us-the characters of their govern
ing acquaintances in the boudoir above
over a quart pot and the Police News,
get no little insight into the develop
ment OF the social disaster which
treads often upon the heels of jewell
hunger. as they read those extrava-
gantly ornate reports Of robbery and
OF mystery In which n highly moral
people revels. These are but CLEAN
ers In the fleld-to them the inner life
must remain hidden. No physician
hoping to cope with the affection
should turn either to gossips or to
slanderers for his diagnosis. Let him
get down into the caves OF the trade.
give his ear TO the truer narrative
which the jewel dealer alone can write
Cor him, and he may hope for material
nd FN,. l. L.
lie will study both the comedy and the
tragedy which such an investigation
will bring before him, and will by this
means alone set himself up as a spe-
cialist.
1t is to such one that I would rec
ommend perusal of the following case
which l record here as one of the
comedies of my note-book-a story of
meanness. cupidity. and stupid cum
ming; l doubt If there be any philoso-
ply of medicine which could make pre-
tense OF solving It. There were but
two principal actors mentioned in the
argument, and, indeed, ii might fairly
be called a onc-part play. The chief
person concerned, Lord birmingham,
l had known for many years. He was
man of whom Il biographer wrote
that his long and unblemished career
was credit to his country" and to
whom a book on the Decalogue was
inscribed as to one sans peur ct sans
reproche. Yet they told you in the
smoking-rooms that he had starved his
first wife. and left his only son as
the partner of a horse-coper in Mel
bourne, on the princely allowance Of
$50 pounds per annum. His wealth,
said common report, was anything
from fifty thousand TO hundred thou
sand pounds per annum; and in his
second childhood, for lie was a septua-
genarian when this comedy was
played he was sucked on the nour-
ishing food OF expiring leases and for
feited improvements until he seemed
to exude sovereigns from every pore
in his enormous body.
meaner man never lived. All sim
lies in converse were based upon his
exploits. GAS mean as old Harnng-
ham" was phrase you heard every
day at the Bachelors" In the count
less old stories they put upon him, tell
ing how at a tenants lunch in Bed
fordshire. he had cried. Here's an
other quart OF cider, and hang the ex-
pensei" how he had been seen In Far
ringdon market buying his own fish :;
how he haggled with cabmen innum-
cradle; how he had been stricken with
a malignant fever on the day he gave
away a sovereign for a shilling-there
was but the echo Of the general senti-
ment. The society prints were hilar-
ious at the mere mention of his name.
recollect well his Rnger when q wag
said in one OF them. 1T is rumored
that Lord birmingham is shortly
about to give something away" He
was in my Office next day--a week
rarely passed but what I saw him
and he laid the journal upon my table
beating It fiat with stick, and point.
ing at It with his ample finger as
though his very touch would wither
tho writer
please to read that" he said with
forced calm but considerable empha
sis. and tell me II the scoundrel
doesn't deserve to be hanged He
dares to mention my name, dye see
To mention me, and speak about my
concerns Ia! but wish / had him
under this stick"
"Of course you don't know who
wrote IT," said |.
How should I know?" he gabblet
testify. "DO 20. round to the taverni
swlliiug gin-and-water with such gut
ter birds? DO / hobnob with all the
halfstarved limners in Fleet street
Pshaw. you talk like n fool"
/ suffered his temper, for he was
worth a couple OF thousand year L
me Presently no became calmer. ant
the humor OF tho thing dawned upor
his dull mind
"Ila.' he said. snunnR ferociouslJ
from tho great diamond-studded bo,
he always carried. ~ shouldn't wonder
u that's Mastor Dcrtie Watts -yOt
know my nophow. chi be owes yot
something. eh7-Wen that's like him
and DDS seoundrelly impudenco-th'
yagabondt'
"ud not . read somewhere that hu
was Eoing 90 De- married. Z romarke,
at hazard but the notion uckled him
Immensely. and ho rolled about in hi.
chair. shaking The snuT from his boz
over hls fur COAT and even upon mas
papers
Yes you read O." he gasped nj