Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1912-05-30

WITS. J'l1rlle Wellington.
eyes and from it came an uncertain
voice:
'Esscuzhe me, mad'm, no 'fensh in
tended"
The words and the breath that car
ried them gave the startled spinstey
an instant proof that her vis-a-vis did
not share her prohibition principles
Or practices. She regarded the ele-
rhant with mouse.like terror, and the
elephant regarded the mouse with
elephantine fright, then he removed
himself from her landscape as quick.
~ as he could and lurched along the
ai.-e, calling out merrily to the por.
ter:
Chauffeur! chauffeur; don't go SO
fasht round these corners
He collided with a small train-boy
singing his nasal lay, but it was the
behemoth and not the train-boy that
helplessly as mammoth oyster on a
table-cloth.
The porter rushed to his aid and
hoisted him to his feet with an IN
easy sense OF impending trouble. He
felt as If someone had left a mon
strous baby on his doorstep, but all
ne said was:
Tickets, please"
There ensued long search, fat,
habby hands Topping and fumbling
from pocket to pocket Once more
the porter was the discoverer. -
Il see it. Don't look no mo-. Here
it is-up in yo' hatband." He lifted
it out and chuckled. Had it right
next his brains and couldn't remem-
bal" He took up the appropriately
huge luggage of the bibu!ous wan
derer and led him to the other end OF
the aisle.
'Numba two is yours, sab. Right
heaa-au nice and cosy, and already
made ura"
The big man looked through the
curtains into the cabined confinement
and groaned:
That! Haven't you got mans
size berth?"
Sorry, sab. That's as Dig DUNN
as they is on the train"
Have ! got to be locked up in that
pigeon-hoIe for-for how many days
| is it to Reno?"
Reno" The porter greeted thai
| meaningful name with smile. Were
| doc in Reno the--the-mawnin' o.
| the fo'th day, sab. Yassah." He pu
| the baggage down and started away
! but the fat man seized his hand, will
| great emotion:
Don't leave me all alone in there
porter, for I'm broken-hearted man.
rs that SO? Too pad, sab"
Were you ever a broken-hearte'
man, porter?"
Always, sah."
did you ever put your trust in
false-hearted woman"
often, sah."
"Was she ever true to you, pol
ter?"
Never, sah."
Porter, we are partners in mis-
sis-ery."
Anu ne WTuu5 TIC iou5h, DAhSh hAh
with a solemnity that embarrasse
the porter almost as much as 1t woul
have embarrassed the passenger hin
self if he could have understood wha
he was doing The porter disengage
himself with patient but hasty:
I'm afraid you'll have to 'scuse me
I got to hep the other passengers o
bode."
Don't let me keep you from you
duty. Duty is the-the-" But n
could not remember what duty wal
and he would have dropped on
sleep, II he had not been startled b
a familiar voice which the porter ha
luckily escaped.
"Pawtahl Pawtah! Can't you rails
this Lighter rather can't you lowe
It? Pawtah! This light Is 30 II
formally dim can't read"
To the Englishman's intense amaz
ment his call brought to him not tn
porter, but rising moon with tn
profound query:
"Whass a iii thing like dim ligh
when the light OF your life has gon
out?"
81 beg your pardon?"
Without further invitation, ii
mammoth descended on the EngIis
mans territory.
I'm a broken-hearted man, Mr.