davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
BITING SARCASM

Neighbors are all very we'll when it's
a question of your doing them a good
turn; but when it comes to a question
of them helping you, it's very differ
ent thing
When Mr. Smiths house caught fire
the first thing he did was to rush out
to seek help from his neighbors Al
ready there were two upon the Scene.
Il say" he cried anxiously to one OF
them, will you rush to the corner and
give the alarm"
ae "Awfully sorry was the reply. my
legs very bad. Can't move"
Well look here said Smith to the
other Would you mind running to the
corner and shouting F1re!' whilst I
get a few things out OF the house?"
Sorry, also" came the response
I'm suffering from frightful sore
throat. Couldn't make any noise II l
tried all night"
oh" said Smith. TIN sorry myself
that you can't help me-" Then he add
ed, with biting sarcasm: Suppose you
go and fetch out easy chairs and enjoy
the blaze?"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
Valuable Beauty Hints by Elizabeth Risden

are photographers who make a spe-
cialty OF evening work, just to meet the
demands of the woman who looks pref .
ty by candle light
Never wear gloves in a photograph;
they make the hands look larger and
awkward If your hands are going to
show. the anger nails should be highly
polished; II gives more tone and color
to the picture, and makes the hands
look prettier.
Some More Hints.
Don't let photographer arrange you
in curlicue way with your feet round
one way, your head another, and your
arms twined about the studio chair.
When a woman goes to a photographer,
she generally leaves her will power and
her individuality at home. That's why
so few photographs resemble the orig
inal.
''As TO makeup Many people use Il
when they are going TO be photograph
ed. Outlining the eys. especially where
the eyelashes are faint or very light, is
good. and the lips can be mostened or
rubbed over with vaselne to give them
more color, but rouge and powder give
the photograph a queer and unnatural
look and spoil the likeness"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
Up-to-Date Jokes

Quack Doctor-Yes, gentlemen |
have sold these pills for over 25 years,
and never heard a word Of complaint.
Now, what does that prove?
Voice from the Crowd-That dead
men tell no tales, guy'norl
Hunting squire-Murphy. you told
me there was good hunting on your
land. Why, we've been here an hour
and haven't seen any game
Murphy-Just so, sir But the less
game the more hunting you have.
Sandy was walking along the road
in deep thought. and it was his minis
ter who brought him to earth again
with:
"Halloa, Sandy. Thinking of the flu
ture, eh?"
NO" replied Sandy. moodily. 'To-
morrow's the wife's birthday, and Am
thinkin' O. the present"
She put down the book with sigh,
What is it, darling?" he asked.
"Ah, dearest, 1 am SO happy" she
replied
But you had such a sad look in your
eyes just now"
Il know. I've been reading about the
unhappiness that wives Of men Of
genius have always had to bear. Oh,
Alfred. dear. I'm so glad you're just an
ordinary sort of fellow
A small boy was selling papers at a
railway station where there were some
20 or 80 persons waiting for the train.
comedian standing by called to the
newsboy:
81 say, boy. would you like a new
job?"
Yes, sir" replied the boy. What is
it?"
Well" said the comedian, my mas
ter wants a fool"
"Oh, does he?" said the newsboy. 'Is
he going to sack you, or keep two?"
Two young fellows recently attended
tea for which they had bought tickets
at ten cents each. The profits were to
go toward a treat to the aged poor. One
OF them, after consuming four cups Of
tea, six ham sandwiches, a plate of
bread and butter two tea cakes, five
jam tarts and four large buns was pass
ing his cup for the fifth time when he
turned to his friend and said in a Sc
rious tone:
Il think every one should encourage
a thing Of this sort. fits for a good
cause, you know"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
WELL IN ADVANCE,

Il would ike to look at some house
hold goods said the tall brunette as
she entered the big furniture shop
You see, expect to be married soon.
"Ah, indeed said the polite clerk
Just step this way. We have special
inducements for young couples start
ing in housekeeping. When Is the glad
event to come o6?"
'Well-er--the day hasn't been set
tied yet"
on, see; the lucky young man has
just proposed, and"
NO. he hasn't proposed yet, but
"Ah, he is going to propose. How
long has he been calling?"
We'll he hasn't started calling yet
but"
What is the young mans name?"
Really, l don't know at present. but
mamma says she thinks some nice
young man viii start calling soon. so
/ wanted TO be in time
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
Little Bobbie S Pa
By William T. Kirk

II Y the way, Bobbie, sed Pa to me,
~ while I am up here in the coun
try | think | will have to buy
sum honey & send it hoam. I newer
tasted any nicer honey than the honey
am eating now. The bees that made
this honey must have had a sweet
disposishun, Pa sed.
So after we had our breakfast Pa
& me went to a place WHARF thare
was a old farmer Wich had a lot of
honey to sell. All the way to the
farm Pa was talking about how much
he knew about honey. | used to keep
bees myself, sed Pa, when I was a
young man back in Wisconsin, & the
minnit see the bees l can tell the
kind of honey that thay make. The
minnit l look bee in the eye. Pa sed
to me, ! know jest how much he knows
about honey. If he looks at you steddy,
sed Pa, l know he is honest bee that
doesn't beeleeve in sliteing his work,
but If he looks kind of shifty l wud-
dent be sur prised if his honey wud :
dent be fit to eat,
Wen we got to ware the honey was
Pa called the old farmer oaver & sed
l want to buy sum honey to send back
to New York.
All rite, the old man sed. that is
what me & the bees is here for. How
much honey do you want?
] want to get a whole case of it. Pa
sed, fourteen boxes, the saim as my
friend John Dick got here last week.
He sed that your bees was as honest
and hard working as the day is long.
The only thing is, sed Pa, the days is
Citing shorter now, so maybe the bees
amt on the level any moar
Doant worry about the bees, sed the
farmer TO Pa, they MADE all this honey
along in the summer anyhow. Jest
talk a taste of it & see.
Me & Pa both tasted the honey & it
tasted fine. This seems to be the reel
artikel, said Pa, but beefoar l take it l
wud like to look the bees oaver.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
Daysey Mayme and Her Folks
By Frances l.. Garytde

TO the days when lie was young. In
those days he knew he had & heart
Now that he was old he knew more
about his liver
Il had called on the woman who mar
ried me-" he resumed, three times. l
remarked ON my last call that a young
man who lived at a boarding house ate
carload of fried potatoes year. /
said it complainingly. She looked sym
pathetic and threw her arms around my
neck
1T seems making a wrong play.
that | had proposed marriage without
knowing 1t. Then she sent for the
preaCher."
He sighed, and shuffled for a new
deal
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02

Is it any wonder that the woman with
big family who washes the way her grand
mother did has red swollen hands-big
knuckleS-large veins?
Yours would be that way too, if you
had to spend one whole day out of each
week, standing over tub of steaming suds,
rubbing like mad on the washboard.
To say nothing of the labors of house
cleaning.
But, thank goodness times have
changed since grandmother was a girl.
Fels-Naptha has relieved the world of
the hard rub and scrub; of the steaming
suds. 1t washes clothes white as snow in
cool or lukewarm water, in one-half the
time and with one-tenth the effort of the
old-fashioned way.
That is why so many housewives of
today are retaining their soft, white and
Shapely hands; their fine nails and their
clear, girhSh complexion.
Follow the directions on the red and
green wrapper. Use any time of year.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
The Right Way to do Your
HOfISecleaninS.

Mrs. Tired ~ Weary Here's letter from Mrs.
Sprightly. She wants John and me to come over on
Wednesday night. would just love to go-but no
will be housekeeping next week. Scrubbing and rub
bling make me unfit for everything. 1t is worse than
whole week of washdays isn't it, Anty Drudge?'
Anty Drudge-"It depends altogether on how you do
your housekeeping, my dear If you do it the
Fels-Naptha way-rub up your floors and paints with
cool or ukewarm water and Fes-Naptha Soap, you
will be fresh enough for any entertainment when
night time comes
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02

| Il NtiINNNif Iltu betu u great utdl IL
the papers about the proper way
for a man TO propose
Mrs. Lyssnder John Appleton gave a
sigh.
Your father doesn't look it now
she said to her daughter but he was a
very ardent lover when he was young
] could have done better, but Lysander
John made love so persstently that
turned down a duke and several mill
lionaires TO marry him"
A sigh, in which her daughter joined.
He proposed to me nine times The
last time he said If didn't marry him
he would throw himself In the river.
just had TO marry him or be a muir
deress"
Daysey Mayme thought of the duke
and the miuionaires, and looked re-
proachfuliy at her mother But now
that father was in the family there
was no use in complaining about it.
Lysander John cut the cards in order
to give himself a square deal, and laid
them out for a game of Garfield
You women" he said, turning up d
queen don't know how funny you are.
If you did, and had any sense of hui
NOR, you would laugh yourselves to
death.
Here you are. talking all at once
about the proper way for man to
propose.
MY dear madam" addressing the
queen in tones of conviction, the men
don't propose. They just call on a girl
a few times, and she begins to get her
clothes ready for the Wedding"
lie began TO play, but turned UP SO
many hearts his mind wandered back
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02

four or five days at a
time every month,
and so weak / could
hardly walk l had
cramps, b ack a CHI e
and headache, and
was so nervous and
weak that | dreaded
to see anyone or
have anyone move in
the room. The doc
tors gave me medi-
cine TO ease me at
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
SEVEN YEARS
OF MISERY
How Mrs. Bethune was Re-
stored to Health by Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegeta-
bic Compound.

Sikeston, Mo. - "For seven years
suffered everything. was in bed for
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
BY Margaret Hubbard Aver

THIS is Miss Elizabeth Risdon, the
Fanny of "Fanny's First Play" a
very young woman, and as shy
about talking of herself as most Eng
fish actors seem to be when they first
come to this country.
During the course of the interview l
admit that | did most of the talking
somebody has to talk on these occa-
sions. and every woman likes the sound
Of her own voice
Besides, l can tell you it is no easy
thing TO draw out the secret of her
beauty from an English actress
Miss Risdon put her hands over her
face and chortled with glee at the very
thought of having to talk on such a
topic But she didn't say anything, so l
asked a few Of those leading questions
which would be so rude If one did not
have the excuse that the dear public
thirsts for such information, and this is
what she said:
81 know all the things you ought to
do, and l don't do one OF them"
Not Exactly Right.
Miss Risdon continues to be healthy,
and she is very pretty, with traces Of
her Scotch-Irish descent in her big
eyes, slight face and earnest express
sion, despite the fact that she goes con-
trary to all the best known and most
neglected rules of health and beauty.
Have you found out what Bernard
Shaw's ideal of beauty is?' said l, with
the air of the orchestra leader when he
is 'vamping" till ready.
NO said Miss Risdon, none of us
know. Margaret, the heroine of Fam
ny's play. is described somewhere, |
think, az vigorous young woman with
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
Night

Three days had passed. and Orlando
Brotherson sat in his room at the hotel
before d table laden with kilograms, let
tiers and marked newspapers, The news
Of his achievement had gone abroad, and
Derby was, for the moment, the center
Of interest for two continents
His success was an established fact
The second trial which he had made with
his car. this time with the whole town
gathered together in the streets as wit
nesses, had proved not only the RELIABLE
ity of its mechanism, but the great ad =
vantages which 1t possessed for direct
flight to any given point, Already he
saw Fortune reckoning to him in the
shape of an unconditional offer Of money
from a first-c class source and better still
for he was q man OF untiring energy
and boundless resource--that opportunity
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
Copyright. 1911, Street & Smith.l
Copyright, 1911. by Dodd, Mead & Coz
TODAY's INsTALLMENT,

Orlando was IN that shout Of natural
forces, but he is not in this stiffness. They
look aloft, but the heavens are void.
Emptiness is where life was oswald be
gins to sway and Doris, remembering
him now and him only, has thrown her
strong young arm about him, when
What is this sound they hear high up
high up in the rapidly clearing vault Of
the heavens, A throb-a steady pant
drawing near and yet nearer-entering the
circlet of great branches over their heads
descending slowly descending-till they
catch another glimpse Of those hazy out
lines which had no sooner taken shape
than the car disappeared from their sight
within the eniptical wall open to re-
ceive ii.
It had survived the gale, 1t has re-en-
tered its haven, and that. too, without
colliding with aught around or any shock
to those within just as Orlando had
promised, and the world was henceforth
his! Hail 10 Orlando Brotherson
oswald could hardly restrain his mad
JOY and enthusiasm. Bounding to the
door separating him from this conqueror
Of almost invincible forces, he pounded It
with impatient fist.
Let me I'M" he cried. You've done
he trick. orlando you've done the trick. "
Yes, have satisfied myself" came
back in studied self-control from the
other side of the door; and with a quick
turning Of the lock, Orlando stood before
them
They never forgot him as he looked at
that moment. He was drenched, battered.
palpitating with excitement, but the
majesty of success was in his eye and in
he bearing Of his Incompatible figure.
As Oswald bounded towards him ne
reached cut his hand, but his glance was
Tor Doris
Yes, he went on, in tones OF sup
pressed elation. there's no flaw in my
triumph. I have done an that ] set out
10 do. Now
Why did he stop ana look hurriedly
back into the hangar? He had reInen-
hered observation-disclosures who at
that moment was stepping carefully from
his seat in some remote portion OF the
car The triumph was not complete, He
had meant
But there his thought stopped. Nothing
Of evil, nothing even of regret should mar
his great hour. He was conqueror, and
il was for him now TO reap the joy ST
conquest
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-11-02
TWO SIDES TO A STORY.

the papers about the proper way
for a man TO nronnse
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1912-05-09
wIDDlEs' SUMNER CRUISE.
A Aaaspsiis Event rhst AaAks Ahsad
q Al otbAoss-

A. Anaspslis Event rhat Raaks Ahssd
q Al otasrs-
When vacation time comes around
the military cadets At West Point 60
into camp, but each year when the eX-
aminatiOns are over at the United
States naval academy at Annapolis the
middies 90 OF on 4 practice ship on =
summer cruise. To the future admi-
rails. who are now naval cadets, this
cruise is an event In the academic year
uneaqualed by any other.
There are today on ship of the new
navy more comforts than could be
found on any of the old wooden ves-
sells. says the At. Louis Globe Demo-
crst. There Is now no reefing OF sails
or "box hauling ship" the triple
screws and quadruple expansion en-
gines have done away with that. while
the Dahlgren shell gun has given place
to breechloading rifles.
After the cadets have embarked and
everything on hoard is shipshape the
practice cruiser starts out. Going down
Chesapeake bay the days are chiefly
spent in drill. and the vessel comes to
an anchor every night. But when the
capes have been left behind and the
open sea Is reached there is a new or
der Of things. The cadets, just like
bluejackets, are divided into the star
board and the port watches. and one
of these must be on deck all the time.
four hours constituting a watch.
All day there are constant exercise
and drill below and aloft-boat drill,
sail drill. handling spars. exercise with
big and little guns. practical navigation
and working ship. Every phase Of
sailors life is illustrated, and no mat
ter how rough the sea may be or how
hard the wind may blow. the cadet
must be aloft and work side by side
with the Jack tars.
When the cruiser has been out three
or four weeks 1t is customary to put
into some northern resort, where the
cadets spend some pleasant days on
shore during their stay. and the change
is greatly enjoyed by them.
After this little rest they put to sea
once more. and for several weeks buf-
fet the ocean waves or broil under the
hot sun that blazes down on the Chesa-
peake.
Near the end Of August Annapolis is
reached. the crowd of bronzed and
sturdy youths rush ashore. and the
next train bears laughing. rollicking
middies to their homes for thirty days
vacation. When the time has expired
they return to Annapolis and resume
their academic life.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1912-05-09

interruption. they assented to ny
terms.
You will ind 1t in that young lady's
hair" l said.
They at once took of the girls hat.
removed the hairpins and found the
bills. which they held aloft with glee.
1t is many years since l saw the
glance of contempt given me by the
young lady. but it is as plain In my
memory today as it was then. 1t was
something to wound my amour propre.
but the fierce glances turned upon me
by the miners indicated that when left
alone with me they would end my ca
reer without benefit either of clergy or
jury.
The robbers. delighted with the addi.
ton to their find acquired through my
instrumentality. jumped on their horses
and rode away in hurry. The two
miners watched them till they turned
into wood. Then the man with the
revolver slowly drew it from his hip
pocket and. pointing it at me. said:
Say yer pra'rs.'
"One moment. T.
Not second. I'll teach you, yOu
low down dog. that no man in Colorado
can play such game as that on Il wO-
man."
"But"-
Say yer pra'rs"' thundercd the
man, nervously endeavoring to keep his
finger Off the trigger of his pistol. It
began to look as IL l should be sent ont
Of the world without an opportunity to
speak word in my defense, but the
young lady interfercd.
Leave him to me- she said. brush
ing the pistol aside with her hand. He
Injured me, not you"
The man stood irresolute.
''Give me chance to explain" {
pleaded.
"Why did you do it?' asked the girl
81 am the cashier Of the --th Ma
tiOnal bank Of Denver. i have fifty
$1,000 bills sewed up in my clothing.
If l hadn't diverted the attention OF
the robbers they would have got il all.
Your $4O0 will be returned with. Il
splendid interest. You men will each
receive handsome present. and when
ever you want grubstaking while work
ing claim you will get it from
our bank. Now let us get on us fast
as possible and save the treasure.
Something might induce the agents to
return"
They consented with alacrity. After
the girl reached her home she received
certificate Of stock of the bank worth
5000. The men later on were grub
staked In working a claim which they
sold for good profit.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1912-05-09
Saving the Banks Funds
By TESsIE FOY COYNE

~T was in the olden time when a
traveller between Denver and
Laramie must go in an old fash
iOned stagecoach. There was one
season when the coach was robbed as
often as once u week. Passengers knew
that there was one chance in seven OF
being held up on the road and Travelled
with little or no money on their per-
sons. Nevertheless there was no other
way OF transporting valuables and
sometimes persons were obliged to
take great risks.
1t was necessary for me to go through
to Laramie on important business.
found In the coach Il young lady and
two miners. This generation cannot
realize the high position OF women in
that uncOuth country at that period.
As rare and beautiful birds are pIo-
tected by game laws. SO We're the few
women always safe in the chivalrOus
sentiment of the many men.
or course We all soon got acquainted,
the miners, who We're of rough eXte-
riOr, leaving the young lady to me-.
The chief topic of discussion was what
we would do in case OF holdup. One
miner said that he had 500 In dust In
his hip pocket, with a revolver. and
would draw the revolver first. The
other miner had SO hidden under his
shirt. and If required to surrender it at
the point Of Il pistol he would certainly
do so. The young lady, who was going
east to spend the winter had her ticket
and some small bills in her pocketbook.
the rest, four 500 bills, concealed in
her hair. l confessed with equal frank
ness that all had brought with me
was In my vest pocket and II 1t was
taken l couldn't help 1t.
Sure enough, the holdup came. The
first we knew OF it the coach came to a
stop and the door was flung open from
the outside. Half a dozen masked men
stood in the road with rifles cooked
and ready for use while another held
their horses. The man who opened the
door ordered the passengers out and
to stand in line to be searched. l was
first examined and relieved Of some
$50 in my vest pocket. The miners
came next. The man with the revolver
in his hip pocket had no opportunity to
use it. for we all stood hands up. He
and his friend were both plundered
The robbers We're rather pleased to find
more than usual and after politely
wishing us a pleasant journey We're
about to permit us to go on when one
of them looking at ME sharply, said:
young man, weren't you teller in
the bank when lot of us went
through 1t one day two years ago?"
II was"
"Well, I reckon you must be In the
same business now"
I'm buying horses for the govern
ment."
"What-buying horses with this
chicken feed?' referring to the cash
they had taken.
"See here" said. you men are not
80 sharp as you think. I wouldn't be
delayed on this trip for a gold mine.
II tell you where you can find 500.
will you let us go on?''
At first they said that If ! didn't give
them the information l should never
go on and began to search the coach.
Not finding anything and fearing an