The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1912-12-13

the physical and moral deformity Of the
bowlegged"
Senator Gore was the last hope Of the
bow-legs. He presented geometricai
argument showing that bow-legs were
Of the elect and knock-knees a wart
upon the face of nature. He said there
could be no compromises Either one,
he declared, was menace TO naViga-
tion, which proved his argument AS
an example, he pointed TO "bow-leg-
ged elephant and knock-kneed Bull
Moose" in the election last month.
Governors-elect SulzeT and Cox he
chastened bitterly. Neither one, he said,
had dared to make such an issue in
his campaign, and he said he was will
ing to wager SuIzer would not mention II
in his inaugural address. MI Cox was
in Ohio, so Senator Gore complimented
him on his wisdom In evading so dan
gerous an argument. Cox had mad his
ear close to the ground, he said. and
had heard the mutterings, decamping
while there was yet time.
Goes to Geometry.
'It is nos necessary for US to prove
that knock-knees are a greater menace
to navigation than bow-legs," he said.
I'VE have merely to maintain the equality
of their obstruction. / lay down three
propositions which are self-evident. First,
that bow-legs and knock-knees are of
equal obstruction to civilization. That
wins our point; for when a bow-legged
man crosses his legs he Is knock-kneed,
and when a knock-kneed man crosses his
legs he is bow-Iegged. Second, things
which are equal to the same thing are
equal to each other. Bow-legs and knock
knees are equally deformed, therefore,
they are equal to each other. More than
that. one of the fundamental laws OF
motion and force is that action Is equal
to reaction in a contrary direction. That
makes out our case"
As Senator Gore made his concluding
argument, Referee Hammond shook his
head in a dazed and puzzled manner.
He seemed to be entirely at sea, where
the navigation was bad. ''Gentlemen-
he said, solemnIy, lin the language Of
the Supreme Court II is now up to me
to decide I have listened with a good
deal OF perplexity TO the learned argu-
ments, intricate and profound. When l
heard the affirmative case so ably pre-
scented 1 felt convinced that the mega
tive side had won, but when the mega
tive side presented its case I came TO
the conclusion that. to use those very
extensive words OF my friend, Samuel
Untermyer, all OF the arguments were
absolutely Irrelevant, incompetent, and
lmmaterial."
Difficulty Is Solved.
Just then a messenger hoy came up with
telegram. Referee Hammond opened
this and his brow cleared. Excelsior"
he muttered under his breath, or some
thing that sounded like that. Then, turn
ing to the multitude, silent in expectation,
hushed by the magnitude of the decision
to be made. he said
My perpleXity. however, has been
SOLVED by the receipt of an important ca
bleble which has just been been brought
to me and which is dated Berlin, December
l.. 1912, 10 p. M, and l shall read il to you
and it will bear me out in what I say thai
the discussion tonight has been superfiu-
Gus. 1t is addressed to the National Press
Club. and says
After the most exhaustive and con-
elusive tests made on bOw-lNggcd and
knock -kneed anthropoidal paes, interfna-
tional congress # navigation has upani-
mOusly resolved that neither bow1ews nor
knock knees are to be regarded as the
slightest menace to navigation"
His work done by proxy, as II were.
Refree Hammond turned the Gavel. only
it's a hammer in the Press Club, over to
Preside mt HaSkin. Everybody waited.
Ar, thcr speech. But Mr. Haskin only
said:
Please don't crown in the doors while
passing out