The Washington herald., 1912-02-18
FIRE OF HOT FUN AT
GRIDIRON BANQUET

OAN4OAANVN 01AAtXO0A
Continued from Page One.
deal. for the foraI appointments OF a
Gridiron dinner have always been unex-
celled. At the conclusion Of the dinner
IL was announced that as usual. the
flowers would be distributed to-day
among the hospitals-a thoughtful action
which carries the happiness Of a Grid
iron dinner TO many hearts.
An Economical Menu.
There was fun in the very beginning.
At every plate was found a menu card
with an announcement from the commit
tee Of arrangements that the food Of
fered, though plain, would be found
wholesome and .palatabIe. ',It has been
arranged" it was stated. especially in
honor OF President Tafts policy OF
economy, as set, forth in his recent mes
sage 10 Congress" Thereupon followed
an enumeration of the modest things in
the epicurean hne-pea soup. pigs feet.
and hominy, stewed rabbit, ham, and
boiled cabbage, bread pudding and
stogies. with "Biere d'Allemagne" and
Eau Glace en- Verre."
All OF which ended with the programme
OF the feast OF reason. "Oratory is ex-
pected," it was solemnly announced.
from T. Bucker Washington, Theophilus
T. Fortune. w. Dubious Crun1, and
others interested in the perpetuation OF
the present administration"
Did the guests eat pigs feet and cab
bage? Not much. The real menu card,
which relieved much gustatory anxiety,
was presently distributed, and terrapin
and other things gave unto the ham and
hominy the laugh that was a merry
hal ha!
"ROosevelt" Appears.
The music OF the opening song had
died away in the darkness, President
Garthe had said few appropriate words
Of welcome. and the oysters had tickIed
the palates of the diners when Roose-
welt appeared upon the scene. At least,
he was made up to look like Roosevelt.
1t seems that. according to the custom
of the club. the new president must be
inaugurated, and in order to have the
function quite au fait all the other presi-
Dental candidates were brought upon
the scene. Many pertinent and impertI-
nent inquiries were launched at these
candidates, and they hurtled a few
questions themselves.
IF cut steel and steel cuts me,
Can 1 cut ice as a nominee?"
inquired Mr.. Underwood's double.
Not II Bryan sees you first" was the
reply.
And there was much laughter when
Harmon's impersonator blandly asked:
Running for a real President. which
would you rather have-Cleveland's bless
ing, Bryan's curse, or an Ohio candidate
against you?"
Roosevelt entered all by himself. wear
ing the typical khaki uniform and q
Rough Riders hat.
IF a progressive President is to be
inaugurated, I am here" he said.
But you have said that you were not
a candidate" some one remarked.
Maybe so, maybe So" was the reply.
But have always found IL convenient
to have a string to every declaration"
Finally, when 1t came to the question
whether Roosevelt or Garthe should be
president, the decision was unanimously
in favor OF Garthe, and he was there
upon invested with the jeweled gridiron
which is the badge OF his high ONCE.
Ready to Take the Job.
And there was a gentle thrust at
Roosevelt. too. when Mr.. Harry Stevens.
the new limited member OF the club, was
Initiated into membership.
You are a candidate for membership
in this club, aren't you?" he was asked.
'T am not a candidate" was the re-
ply: ''but II an overwhelming majority
think am the only man for the job, 1
will take IT.
But Mr.. Stevens was compelled to con-
vince an intelligent minority that he
could sing, so he warbled a song that
he said William Jennings Bryan sings,
entitled The Nomination" And this
was the song:
Believe me. If all those endearing young
Which so fondly to conquer I try.
Were to vanish Tomorrow and fade in
my arms,
As they faded in campaigns gone by.
You would still be adored as this
moment thou art.
Let the delegates vote as they will.
Around your dear image each wish OF
Would entwine itself verdantIy still.
Other songs by Mr.. Stevens proved the
open-sesame by which he gained en-
trance into the organization.
BurIesque on "'RobIn Hood"
The most elaborate, as well as one Of
the most enjoyable features Of the even
ing was the burlesque on Robin Hood"
Several large evergreen trees made a
stage setting for the forest, and the
merry outlaws were La Toilette, Pinchot.
and Little Jim Garfield. Dame Market
ing was the heroine and Robin Hood
was the captain OF the band.
We are outlaws hearty,
Out among the trees,
Cut loose from our party,
Going as We please.
sang the chorus. When Dame Market
ing appeared she explained her entry in
these lines:
You say may not mix in politics.;
But, just the same, you mustn't play me
tricks.
I am Dame Marketing. And mind this,
too:
Though don't vote, all of my men
The ladies" as was said in phrase so
pleasant,
You may not see 'em, but they's
always present"
Good November Votes.
There was some clever dialogue, and
then this melody was sung, to the tune
of Brown October Ale" by the imper-
senator Of Garfield:
Oh will Won come with me. nv lads