davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13
impossible c,ews.

Frederick Koehler, Cleveland's po-
lice chief, was talking about detective
stories to a Cleveland novelist.
1.-THE trouble about the average de-
tective story" he said. sis that 1t is
too evidently cooked up. The clews
are to unnatural. TOO unreal, too i'm
possible. When think Of the clews
in an average detective story | recall
conversation between two city Of
ficials. The first city official
said to the second. on snowy
day: That new snow shoveler of
yours was evidently a bookkeeper or
clerk in the past
How can you tell?' asked the 9TH
er official.
why said the first, whenever he
finishes a job of snow shoveling he
tries to put his shovel behind his
ear"
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13
HOWARD E. BURTON, AssAYER & CHEMIST

LEADVILI-E. COLOKADO.
SpecImcn prices: Gold. silver. lend. 81; gold
silver. tie: gold. 50c. @zlnc or copper. 81.
Mailing envelopes and fuli price list sent on
implication. Control and umpire work So
cited Reference: Carbonate National Bank
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13

. Some people boast In order to keep
others from doing SO.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13

Cuba Market for Canada Stone.
Cuba imports most of it's stone from
Canada.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13

It's well enough to hope. but don't
leaf on the job while doing it.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13

Ancient Idea Of Dancing.
Dancing was originally means of
expressing religious feeling.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13
Grouch's Vacation.

''1s your husband enjoying his vaca-
tion?'
Not SO much as am
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13
The Likeness.

The Likeness.
This free pulling Of teeth has some
features in common with big social
functions"
What are they?"
"Charity bawls."
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13

,..aax-e~ Young People to study
RA AIkl1 Gregg Shorthand. Type
"AW1T} writing and bookkeeping.
UNIV Individual instruction 1t
Will nav YOU to write for CataioE. Address
Drpt 2, BAENES COMMERCIAL. SCHOOL,
Denver, Colorado.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13
2s6 A.zjz.gc&Mae

Denver. Colo. viii send. free. n userul pres
ent and a valuable book. How to Become
Most successful" to all who write this week.
The Springfield herald., 1912-09-13

getaway,
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
Give Thought to
A More Important Subject.

Let us pause for momentin the midst OF this temp
orary political contest-and give thought to weighter
and more important subject.
Yesterday those who were fortunate enough to be
present saw good roads demonstration and heard good
roads lecture that ought be and heard by every
man in Florida.
The occasion the visit here of D. Ward King the
Missouri who originated the idea of the spt-og
drag.
The split-log drag simple cheap, and easily oper
ated continuance has revoutionzed road building in this
country 1t has made road maintenance easy and cheap
made good roads possible where good roads
known before 1t has been subject of legislation in
and in Iowa. the OF the pt-log drag
is made compulsory the county roads
We build roads in Florida and then fail to maintain
them We spend thousands of dollars in constructing
highways and then give them attention. And then
when road becomes impossible spend money over
again in rebuilding the road.
A railroad system that did such a thing would soon
be compelled to go out of business.
the maintaining dirt road after have
structed it. The demonstration and lecture of yesterday
showed how do -and how to do it cheaply that
refusal the part of Escambia county to adopt
systematic plan for maintaining present hard roads
would almost impossible,
Good roads in this county and in this state of
Importance than all the political contests that have
been waged here. Let give thought to the
good roads subject
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
GAN TFE>SPUR;
:NzoNzENTT
BY ROY x. N4OuLTSM
, BY ROY x. NOUETOM .

graph he has made it we'll nigh inn
possible.
LaFollette says he would rather he
right than president. but some Of the
standpatters do not believe that he
viii ever be either.
Chicago is to have a monkey hos
pital. If all the monkeys in Chicago
30 there for treatment it will do a
CO paCity business.
The president is only fifty-four years
Of age, but sometimes he cuts up like
sixty.
Helen Ware, the actress, says she
Is willing to marry. Where S Nat
Goodwin?
What has become of the old gentle
man who used TO take out his false
teeth between the courses of the ban
quet and polish them with a silk
| handkerchief?
There is one thing that will cause
the tightwad husband to dig up the
SIS for the new spring hat. and that
Is to have his wife bring out batch
of old yellow love letters he wrote
her and start to read them out loud
They say that Russia is going t.
war with China. but how can shs
when all Of the Russians are at pres
ent in this country doin' Russian inn
pcrial toe dancing or playing in Rus
sian imperial orChestras?
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
SATURDAY, APRIL 20. 1912.
Railroad Politics
Again in Alabama.

Human nature is much the same
everywhere. When the railroads take
a hand in politics and Cypress the peo-
ple at the first opportunity the peo-
pie viii turn upon them and when
they get control are liable to become
revengeful. However, when the rail-
roads keep out of the political game
they get all that is coming to them in
the way of fair deal and have an
equal opportunity before the law.
For many years in Alabama the
railroads had practical control OF the
state government and when the Conner
administration succeeded in oust1ng
them it is possible that the people
went too far in enacting drastic rail-
road laws.
Recently the passenger rate has been
Increased in Alabama from two and
one half cents to three cents and the
people are in anything but an amiable
mood. They have a right to be mad
and where the railroads fight the peo-
pie they cannot expect the public tc
deal with them with loving kindness
and tender mercy.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
Does the Tin1es-Union
Object to the Primary?

After discussing the money spent in
securing the election of Senator Steph-
enson the Jacksonville Times Union
ends an editorial with the following:
The primary was supposed to stop
the purchase of votes--how much does
a state or national primary cost
Even in the counties the verdict of a
primary is not registered till money
has been spent.
If The Journal remembers correctly
the Times Union has always been op-
posed to the primaries, and while II
does not do so directly it seeks to
place the corruption Of the Stephen
son election upon the primary.
Why does not the Jacksonville rail-
road paper make fight against the
primary system if its candidates can
not be elected in the primaries, and
why Is IL afraid to declare against the
primaries? The Journal is not asking
Its readers these questions--it is ask
Ing the Times Union.
Primaries are expensive. We all ad-
nit as much, but the people never had
n chance at all in the conventions, and
1t doesn't become a railroad owned
paper to kick about the expenses of 9
primary when the people are satisfied
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
EMMETT WILSON is
WITH THE PEOPLE
Vernon News.



Under the caption of Good Dem
ocracy" The Pensacola Journal print
CD in Wednesdays daily the following
clippings. one from this paper, the
other from the Ocala Banner, com
uenting on the first:
We'll, we don't remember seeing
where any of the candidates for con-
gress from this district have favor
ed the initiative, referendum and re-
call, have ?'-Vernon News.
We'll, that is really refreshing, but
we fear that the editor of the Vernon
News has not read the platform OF
Emmett Wilson. If it had been stolen
bodily from the writings of Eugene V.
Debs, 1t could not be more soctalistic.
We begin to think that democracy has
lost its SAVIOR in West Florida. Be
tween The Pensacola Journal and the
Eetuniak Breeze it is being ground to
fine powder between the upper mill
stone of socialism and the neither mill
stone of populism. ''-Ocala Banner.
When the News editor penned the
above observation and query the plat
form on Hon. Emmett Wilson had not
appeared. We are truly glad that he
has the manhood to come out on the
peoples side. There is no real dem
ocracy unless the people are in abso-
Lutte control, and they have no control
unless they have the power to initiate
legislation Clay out work for their
servants), pass upon what they do by
means of the referendum, and recall
them If they fail or refuse to obey or
ders. We do not even have a repre-
sentative government If we have nc
means of compelling our representa-
tives to represent us.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
The Possibility.

ne Possibility
There is none so unfortunate, so far a S
AS the poor, misguided presidential
possibility:
Every fondly cherished secret of his
dim and distant past,
Is dragged forth from its old hiding
place to haunt him to the last;
Though to all intents and purposes
he's had a spotless life,
People hear insinuations when he gets
into the strife
Some one publishes his letters, every
one he ever wrote:
He's without a. doubt the fall guy"
he's the rummy, he's the goat.
He's the JOY of the cartoonist, who
plays up his adipose.
Or his teeth, his chin. his whiskers or
the wart upon his nose.
He's a public institution and he's
pampered not a bit,
He's the target for the photographers
shafts of pungent wit.
There's no peace and no concealment
when he gets into the game,
And he suffers all the penalties of
temporary fame:
Al: the vaudeville performers his pet
fads and hobbies poke;
The diversion of the moment; he's a
howl, scream, q joke
Almost everything he's ever done is
deftly twisted round.
Till it seems to have a very queer
and most suspicious sound;
Many incidents which he had
thought were passed and gone
and dead.
Are revived by weird historians and
heaped upon his head
Every utterance and side remark he
made while vet a child.
Is dragged out before the public with
enthusiasm wild
He is hammered, mauled and ques-
toned; he is probed in manner
free.
And they all lambast the presidential
possibility.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
The WORK OF THE WINDS.
Kipling's Conception of Trans
atlantic Terror.

-@
The destruction of the White Star
liner Titanic and the loss of ! ,6O2 lives
may inspire many a lament in the ma
ture Of Cowper's Down Went the
Royal George" but it is almost beyond
the bounds of possibility that anything
will be penned more graphic than the
following lines from Rudyard Kipling S
The Flag of England"
The North Wind Blew: From Bergen
my steel shod vanguards go;
I chase your lazy whalers home from
the Disko foe;
By the great North lights above me
work the will of God,
And the liner splits on the icefeld or
the Dogger fills with cod"
The West Wind called: In squadrons
the thoughtless galleons fly
That bear the wheat and cattle lest
street bred people die.
They make my might their porter, they
make my house their path,
Till l loose my neck from their rudder
and helm them all in my wrath.
I draw the gliding fog bank as a
snake is drawn from the hole;
They below one to the other, the
frightened ship-bells toll;
For day is a drifting terror till l raise
the shroud with my breath
And they see strange bows above them
and the two go locked in death.
But whether in calm er-wra ok wreath
whether by dark or day,
1 heaVe them whole to the conger or
rip their plates away,
First of the scattered legions, under a
shrieking sky,
Dipping between the rollers, the Eng
lish Flag goes by
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
NOTICE.!

Up to o'clock p. m, Thursday.
April rs, I will receive at my office,
50S-9 Blount building. applications for
the position of Manager of the Won
ans Department of the Pensacola In
terstate Fair Association, to be held at
Kupfrian Park October % to Novem-
Der 2, inclusive.
The right to reject any and all ap
plications Is hereby reserved and it is
understood that any selection made by
the undersigned is subject to the ap-
prevail of the board of directors of the
Pensacola Interstate Fair Association
n. J. LILLARD.
Secretary and General Manager, Pen
sacola Interstate Fair Associat ton
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
POLITICAL ADVERTISEMENT.
For National Committeeman.

Eugene $. Matthews. of Bradford
County, Speaker Of the House of Repre-
sentatives in 1907, Is candidate for
member Of the National Democratic
Executive Committee. one of the can
didates for this office has advertised
himself extensively as "the woodrow
Wilson candidate" Mr.. Matthews is not
the candidate OF any faction. but Will
strive to serve the best interests of the
democratic party Of Florida If he is
honored with election, and on this basis
solicits the support OF all democrats,
Irrespective Of whether they favor VIII
son, Harmon, Underwood or Clark for
the presidency.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

There's corned beef and cabbage, an
old standby, sure,
There's faithful old pork and beans,
bound to endure.
There's hash and boiled Eaters which
cling to us still
And boiled beef and horseradish yet
on the bill;
Put there's one old veteran we can't
forget;
Il is the best sticker that we've ever
met;
When all else is lost he will still be
our boon
We take off our hat to the boarding
house prune.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
Deafness Cannot be Cured

by local applications, as they cannot
reach the diseased portion Of the ear.
There is only one way to cure deafness.
and that is by constitutional remedies.
Deafness Is caused by an inflamed condi-
ton of the mucous lining of the En-
stachina Tube. When this tube lie in
famed you have Tinbling sound or
Imperfect hearing. and when It is en-
tIrely closed, Deafness is the result and
unless the inflammation can be taken ont
and this tube restored TO its normal
condition. hearing will be DESTROYED for
ever; nine cases out OF ten are caused
by Catarrh, which is nothing but an in
famed condition Of the mucous sur
faces.
for any case OF Deafness Caused by ca
tarrh) that cannot be cured by Hairs
catarrh Cure. Send for circulars free
Sold by Druggists, 75c
Take Halls Family Pills for constipa-
ion,
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

An industrial edition of the Gaines
vile Sun Is before us. 1t f1ttingly
tells of the Industrial and agricultural
growth of the University City and re-
fleets credit upon the good taste and
energy of the publishers. The edition
is-a splendid way to advertise that
good section of Florida and every citi-
zen there ought to see to IT that some
friend In the north, east or west has
eopy that he may learn of the ad-
vantages of residing in the Land Of
Sunshine and Prosperity.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

Believing the case Of Viola Carver,
who shot ]. e. Edge and is now await
inG trial, to present unusual features,
District Attorney Fredericks of Los
Angeles, took the accused woman to
his office for a conference. and later
to his home for the same purpose. The
prosecutor had been placed in posses
sion of facts which lee MIN to believe
that the girl was in an abnormal state
OF mind at the time she shot young
Edge. According to Miss Carver, she
bought the gun for the purpose of
shooting herself, but when she went
to Edges office. in ner excitement,
instead of turning the gun upon her
self she pointed 1t at him.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
Why He Was Late

"What made you so late?'
Il met Smithson."
We'll, that Is no reason why you
should be an hour late getting home
to supper"
Il know, but I asked him how he
was feeling. and he insisted on telling
me about his stomach trouble"
Did you tell him to take Chamber
lain's Tablets?''
Sure, that is what he needs" Sold
by all dealers.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

If the railroads could only reduce
the grades In the Legislature, and
straighten the curves of the legisla-
tors.-Gainesville Sun.
Senator Editor McCreary is a mem
Der of the legislature and he ought TO
know that the railroads have done
their part to make the grades and ia
make crooks and curves of the legisla-
tors. but thanks to the honesty of the
Florida voters they cannot get a ma
jority eS them-in the meshes of the
corporation net.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

You've made a mistake in your pa
per-" said the indignant man. entering
the editorial sanctum. I was one Of
the competitors at the athletic match
yesterday. and you have called me the
wellknown lightweight champion"
We'll, aren't your" said the editor.
mo. I'm nothing of the kind; and
it's confoundedly awkward, because.
you see. I'm a coal merchant
Cleveland Leader.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

The bright girl nearly always pre-
tends she doesn't know a thing and the
uniformed one will attempt to talk
about everything under the sun sac
doesn't know anything about.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

1t appears that disasters occur often
enough to prove that God and not
man is supreme. The fireproof build
ings and the nonsinkable ships are as
an ant before a steamroller when
Providence interferes
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

Even IL Paris has decided that
ostrich feathers are to be worn on the
shoes we still stick TO the old fash
toned belief that anything with fcath-
ers on its legs is not high class.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

Julius Caesar went out and con-
quered the world" says an ad in a
Jacksonville paper. We thought he
conquered the world and then went
mt
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
According to Uncle Abner.

/ never yet see a blacksmith who
could play on the mandolin with a
darn.
Hold Peters is too light for heavy
work. so his wife takes in boarders
by the day or week
The Teller who would rather be in
suited than not noticed at all gen'ally
manages to land somewhere. even if il
is only in Jail.
Hank Purdy says. by gravy. if there
is anything he loves better than beatin
carpets he don't know what il is, I'M
less IL is putin up stovepipes.
It is no disgrace to be called con
ceited. The Teller that amt conceited
at all, is doing chambermaid work in
livery stables or rasslin' freight or
some steamboat deck
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

Victor Herbert with his melodious
music lulled Pensacola to peaceful rest
last night after the rampant political
excitement of a few weeks.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

The Houston Post says Cone john
son is an excellent fisherman when it
comes to catfish. We cannot believe It
because he has not caught the Post.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

An automatic trombone player has
been invented, and 1t all might have
been prevented had the man died
young.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

Weather conditions are to our liking
and the candidates we are for appear
to have enough strength to elect them.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

One of the necessary parts of the
equipment of athletic clubs is iceboxes
we'll filed Without of course some
of them don't know about Milwaukee
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

With Ollie James Weighing about
four hundred we wonder how he stoops
to pick mint leaves for his mornings
Ynornin'.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

II appears that Harmon has only
financial support. the moral and voting
support being conspicuous by its alb
sence.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

New York has a dance which is re-
ported as being dangerous but not
naughty. Prefer a little more naugh-
tiness and less danger, thank you.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

The man who sticks to the brown
eyed beauties never experiences that
dark brown taste
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

wilson's friends outnumbered the
Frame-up followers two to one yes
terday.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

There is howl being raised about
christening the battleship Texas with
wine. Certainly-moonshine would be
proper in Texas.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

Almost impossible to keep a large
family and an auto, and most people
seem to prefer the large families.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20
FUNERAL MRS.
B|EB|GHAUSER
THIS MORNING
SERVICES WILL BE CONDUCTED
AT O'CLOCK FROM ST. MICH
AEL'S CHURCH AND INTER
MENT WILL BE MADE IN ST.
l. MlCHAEL'S CEMETERY.

Funeral services over the remains
Of Mrs. J. Biebighauser, AN aged and
estimable lady of this city, who passed
away Thursday afternoon at the resi-
dcnce of her sister. Mrs. NJ. L. Roch,
12f West Government street, with
whom she had made her home for a
number Of years, will be conducted
this morning at o'clock from St.
Mtchaefs church. Rev. Father Fuller
ton viii perform the last sad rites.
The funeral cortege will leave the
residence at $50, proceeding to the
church, and after the services at the
church the remains will be borne to
st. Mfchaels cemetery, where inter
ment will be made.
The following will serve as pail
bearers: j. George White. John Pfeif-
fer, James McHugh. Frank Bell, Fred
Massey and Alex Ferguson.
]. ]. Ray. Winfield, Ala. wants 9TH
ers to know how entirely he was
cured of kidney trouble by Foley Kid
ney Pills. After giving his symptoms
III detail he says: In three days after
l began taking Foley Kidney Pills ]
noted an Improvement. and after five
days the retention disappeared en-
tirely. I continued taking them until
| was entirely cured" Mr.. Ray is in
AIS '-Au year. W. a II AIeHDeTle.
I thought that in the fifteen years
OF my practice of medicine" said a
physician, I had answered almost
every possible foolish question: but a
new one was sprung on mt recently. A
young man came in with an inhamed
eye, for which l prescribed liniment-
to be dropped into the eye three times
a day. He left the surgery, but re-
turned in a few minutes, poked his
head in the doorway, and asked:
Shall I drop this in the exs beSo-s
meals or after p "-ExchanR&
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

The Frame-up prevented F1oridians
voting for Clark and Harmon ana
they won't vote for Underwood as a
substitute.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

A short nap in the daytime is often
times disturbed by the hum of lawn
mower in an adjoining yard.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

more men are ruined by beauty
than by wine," says a student WHO
hasn't even heard of Bill Mapoles.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

Pensacola's concert band plays best
when inspired with the Woodrow VII
son sentiment.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

With all of our misgivings We'll not
mention the office boy and the grand
mother funeral one time this season.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

We don't hold 1t against Underwood
because his campaign manager, Sena-
tor Bankhead. voted for Senator Lori
mer.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

The summer girl causes good old
dad to tear many leaves from his
check book.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

1t takes constant practice and plenty
of smuggling to make a baseball dia-
mond sparkle.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

Too many women is nearly always
the reason for a scandal.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

DO your fly-swatting early-the sun
gets hot in the middle of the day, you
know.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

Be Il said to Colonel Harvey's credit
he knows how to grant a favor asked
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1912-04-20

Dressmakers and accountants realize
that figures can and do lie.