The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1912-05-23
The Wives OF
Pine Flat
A New Version Of an Old
Roman Legend
By F. A Mitchell

There were two settlements among
the Nevada silver mines in which from
the first was a rivalry. These were the
Quartz Gulch and the Pine Flat peo-
ple. Both were a bad lot. The Quartz
Gulchers had one good man among
them. while the Pine Flatters were all
bad. The good man at Quartz Gulcn
wasn't good because he was naturally
inclined that way. but because he own
ed property in the Gulch that he would
like to make valuable, and he was pre-
vented from doing so by the reputa-
tion of the town. No one would invest
money there, no one would even come
there TO investigate.
Pete wilkins, this so called good man
of Quartz Gulch, sat down one day Tor
a Job Of thinking with a view TO find
ing some way to better the morals OF
his fellow citizens. He considered the
feasibility of shutting Off their liquor
supply or corraling all the weapons In
the settlement under lock and key, OF
inducing an evangelist to come among
them and impregnate them with reli-
gious principles. 1t didn't seem to Mr.
wilkins that any of these plans were
feasible.
At last wilkins got down to the foun'
tain head of all refinement-woman. III
he could only get some respectable wo-
men in the camp he believed they
would act as a palliative upon the men
and eventually bring about a better
state of morals The first difficulty
was to find the women, the second to
get them to the Gulch and the third to
keep them there long enough to pene-
lrate the outside coating of villainy and
get hold on the mems better nature
He didn't mind the disappointment the
women would experience in expecting
to secure husbands and homes, but he
didn't like to be put in for a failure
1t occurred to him to interest the men
in his project There would be no diff.
ficulty In securing their approval OF
bringing In the women. The trouble
would be to induce them to behave In
such fashion as to induce their more
delicate partners to remain. He called
a meeting of the citizens and thus ad-
| dressed them:
"Pards, been thlnkln' O. some way
o. gttin' the better O. them galoots
down on the fiat, and | think I've hit
the nail square on the head. Pm goin'
to send for carload O. the best lOokin'
| and most respectable women TO be
found in the east TO be sent out here to
| beautify the town
| There was a yell of appreciation, and
| the orator continued:
| what we want is decent homes,
and you can't make home without a
woman in 1t. All I'm afeard of is that
If we induce good women to come in
and start homes for us you fellers II
scare 'em away"
Cries of I'VE won'tw TRY us!'
Bring 'em on and see!"
A collection was taken up, and suf-
/
The scheme was popular both because
of the coming of the fair sex and top
| ping the inha bitants Of Pine Flat. Pete
wilkins was appointed a committee of
one to carry out the project and at
once opened up correspondence with
a society called the Helping Hand in
an eastern city, and arrangements for
a first shipment of young women who
needed homes were made. If these
reported favorably on their reception
and the prospects before them another
shipment was TO follow.
The probability is that all would have
worked well had 1t not been that GER
tain citizens of the town were so puffed
up with pride at their prospective out
doing Of Pine Flat that they must
needs crow over their rivals before
their chickens were hatched When ii
was learned by those of the Flat that
the Gulchers Were going to have a
cargo Of women sent out from the east
there was feeling among the latter
that something must be done. Various
! propositions were made to see this in
nOyation and go their rival one better,
absurd One stupid churl suggested
that they send for cargo of monkeys;
another that a number of wax figures
In the show windows of city stores be
bought up and placed in the windows
of the shanties, suggesting the presence
of housekeeper.
One suggestion was received with q
howl Of delight Aaron Skinner, who
before going to the bad had taught
school, thus spoke to crowd of his
fellow citizens who were debating the
question:
ut seems to me" he said. that by
blabbin' the Gulchers have given us
an advantage over em What We
want to do is first to lay our plan and
then shoot any one Of our number we
see heading for the Gulch, so that he
can't give 1t away. There was once
lot of fellers who started a towE
they named Rome Not far off was
another town. the people of which
were called Sabines. The Romans
were as bad off for want of women as
we or the Gulchers, but the Sabines
had plenty of 'em. The Romans invit
ed the Sabines with their wives anC
daughters to a blowout. and at a sig
nal the Romans picked up the womeI
and run 'em off. Now. what propos,
is to go out and meet these gals that's
coming to the Gulchers before they
git to the end of the Journey and ruI
EN- In here"