The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-10-03
Onthe Spur Of the Moment
By Roy K. Moulton

AZ the Corner Grocery Store.
No usa to pay our money for the
weekly any more,
Eor We git all the news down to the
corner grucry store.
We hear enough news every night
around the stove. guess.
To fill up sev-ral colyums in the pa
per. more or less.
The ladies' sewing circle is a day or
so behind
Us fellers on the gossip Of the very
choicest kind.
Ez Hand says that he hears as how
the teachers got a mash;
Hank Tumms's wife does the farmin
on their twenty-acre lot.
That's why he's always loaiin. round
some cool and shady spot;
Now mind. we mustn't mention II.
It's a secret, yet. of course.
But Amos Higgins's second wife is az
ter a divorce.
It amt yet known for certain. but
there's some folks that do tell
That Andy Jones and his third wife
don't get on very well:
There's quite a rumor Soln tnat our
neighhor. Elmer Sphinx.
got good taste, we don't think;
They say as how Anse Ju6son's wife
has got a lurid past,
But no ones speakin' ii out loud De-
cause they do not dast.
They say that Abel Frisby's got a
mortgage on his place.
And he's to that point where he's
only got three days of grace;
They say that Ezra Harkins dassent
come down town until
He gets the price to settle up his last
years grocery bill go,
The ladies' aid and sewing circle will
have quite a chore
To catch up with the gossip at the
corner grucry store.
Wen Think II Over.
Washington. September 70. !
On The Spur OF the Moment:
Dear sir,-Our mutual friend, White
law Reid, Is anxious to drop the cares,
also the expense, OF enthusiastically
to Great Britain, and 1t becomes my
painful duty to choose a successor.
After casting about for Some time
and sizing up the available timber,
have decided upon you for the place.
It REQUIRES a man Of superior attain
ments educationally, q good mando-
lin and bridge whist player. splen-
did par!or entertainer. a very me
phvsioue and rare beauty OF face ana
figure He must also be good dancer
and a man who can stretch the truth
four miles and half beyond the DAN
ger point without breaking II. Out
side OF Mr.. Reid and George Fitch
there Is nobody I can think of who
can fill all of these requirements as
we'll as yourself. Please accept the
position and relieve me OF a deep en-
barrassment. Your iBcome Will be
s17,5oo per annum and your expenses
will be only about $4,000 per week.
Fraternally yours. w. II. T.
80
AS much as we hate to disappofnt
our friend VIII we must pause and
think this proposition over. II we
can dispose OF a secondhand phono-
graph and annex a new pair OF trous-
ers we may run down to washington
and talk 1t over with him. It 10 fierce
to face such an elegant chance TO De
a patriot and then not have the price
to co it with, but 1t may be arranged;
Nothing Is impossible IN this world
excepting for one-armed man 10
hook his wife Up the back.
Personal.
T. H-No, Venus Is not city IN
italy noted for its canals. Venus was
a woman without any arms. VINO
couldn't have operated a vacuum
cleaner or played the aluminium chimes
in vaudeville to save her life.
James-A husbandct Is husband
of Well. you know who nes
the husband Of. Yes. there are sew
e-aI Of. US.
RECONNAISSANCE. we think the stand
ards In this country should be raised,
hut there Is one standard that IS
thoroughly capable Of raising ITSELF
and that Is standard OH.
Our Financial Department.