The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-09-08
GfI LOWS tn campaign goin'?' asked MT.
 Hennessy
 70 6neo said Mr DooleY Fine.


 Hennessy.
 70, fine" said MT. Dooley. Fine.
 Most injyebe l niver see betther. Here it is two months befure tn iliction, an half tn counthry isn't speakn' to tn other half, or if it is it's sayin' things it oughtnt to. Old frnds meet afther long absence discuss polly ticks embrace, an roll on tn hure. Callln' man a thief or a nurdherer IS no more thin to bid him tn top iv tn mornn in ordhinry times.
 "Ivrybody is roundin' their pals an tellin' what they know about tn past performances iv their frinds First it's Jack Rose an thin it's Penrose that's down at tn disthrict attorneys office. Jawnny Archbuld has put in kick because tn men higher up touched him fr' wan hundherd an fifty thousand an whn he wudn't come acrost again pulled his place an wudve dis throyed all his implimints if he hadn't got an ordher firm tn coorts dissovin' tn thrust in New Jarsey an spreadin' it through tn resdnce neighborhoods iv this counthry. Tn news firm New York an tn news firm Wash'nton is so much alike that I can't separate thm in me mind or half tn time reminder whether Bridgy Web Der is making confession in tn Tombs or a speech in tn United States shit It's about tn same thing.
 "Annyhow, 'tis a gr-rand campaign an it's givin' respectable people glimpse iy tn undher- wur-ruld that they niver had befure. It ain't exactly like tn old campaigns, dye mind, whin we all turned out to see our leaders waggin' their chin whiskers about tn tariff In thm dull times no matther how much we hated our innies we had suspicion that aftfer tn smoke iv battle had cleared away they might be found to be honest. Tn prsint campaign is more excn. It's more like slurnmin' expedition It's show iv tn night side v polyticks. It's a thrip to Chnytown It's an exhibition iv how tn other half lives, as well. F'r small fee gntlemanly guide will conduct tn more advinturous to tn shit chamber warnin' thim in advance to lave their vallyabes behind. In tn manetime Wum Randolph Hearst sits back an ivry time polly tcian says he's an honest man he pulls letther on him that he hooked away firm tn Standard He comp'ny There's wan thing I'd like to sug- gist to me fellow kerosene merchants iv tn Standard He comp'ny. Their plant is complete in ivry respict but wan. They ought to have stove in lawn D. Archbuds office an use 1t as . etther file.
 But tn Standard He compny is a gr-reat in stitution, anyhow They're tn boys f'r my money I always knew they were magnificent mannyfacthrin' consarn l knew that man cud come up to their facthory with bari iv crood e, an lawn D. Rockyfellar wud come out in his overalls an take it away firm him an convart it into kerosene, axle grease tar, ammonya, gaso- line, gillytine hair brushes, rubber tires rasp- berry jam, headache powders, gum shoes an foreign missions, but l niver had any idee iv tin extint iv their pollytickal departmnt Iv coorse I'd heerd that they turned out few lijslachures an judges firm time to time, as they happened 10 need thim but didn't know it was reg'lar part iv this gr-reat industhry But firm what I r-read in tn pa-apers, this is wan iv tn most N