The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-12-01
STUDEBAKER CARS EXPECTED
 THIS WEEK BY JUDGE GREENE That the new Studebaker '25' and "35, :"

The Country School Teacher slowly sliced
 section off of plug of tobacco. in- serted a huge bit of 1t in the left side of his mouth, spat at broken cuspi-
 dor five feet away, making a center
 shot of It, then deliberately crossing his legs he addressed the idlers around him:
 'I aint honing to change my sex, or
 color, but I have often thought that if
 had to make a change, and the choice was left to me, I would hesitate a long
 time as to whether I would be great emotional actress, or negro preacher. If selected the former it would take
 mo a long while to get broke to wearing
 a corset and using talcum powder. end suppose I would frequently pull up my dress to get my knife out of my pocket
 when wanted chew of tobacco-unti practice made me quit this breach of eti- l quette on the stage.
 Another thing about filling this role ! would be the difficulty of truthfully sign 1 ing these here certificates that l have steadily used certain kind of soap reg ularly all my life. I never was fanatical about the use of any kind of soap. l am willing to concede that soap is a good thing to put on a well-pulley when me rope won't go through it, and lye-soap is a boss remedy for murrain in cattle,
 otherwise 1 am inclined to think that 1t is much overrated as a toilet accessory. can always keep perfectly clean by using a large sized corn-cob and little turpentine, and soap is a superfiuity with
 me. But a Nigger Preacher has a lead pipe cinch on the kitchens and the Chick
 ems of this Proud Old Commonwealth. He tolls not neither does he spin, and he wears
 Jim Swinger coat all the week. and the colored sisters raid the pantry for linn, sine die. He can eat a pan full of greasy yictuals and not dle of indigestion after
 wards. In the pulpit he sways the souls
 of acres of niggers by bowling, and inton- ing lot of rubbish that sounds like 1t had something in it, but would be bald nonsense in print. Old Nose Comegiss
 the pastor of the African church in our
 beat, came to me some time ago to get my aid in selecting a text for sermon suitable to his flock. He said he had ex- horted before his gang for about a year. so that his stock of themes was nearly exhausted. He had tried them on Pre- destination, the Final Perseverance of the | Saints; he had handed them a few hot
 ones on the doctrine of ''Election," as
 well as the necessity of giving freely and often, and then some. I suggested l IHOu Sudll NOt Stedl dS d | good text, but Nose emphatically rejected
 this suggestion.
 | He allowed that none of the Command
 ments was much popular with his congre-
 gation except the one saying that Thou shalt rest on the Sabbath day. and that whole lot of his members would take | that text as sorter personal. That this ] text would do tolerably we'll for white people, but that four of his deacons had recently returned from Pratt mines
 on account of having bad memory about | the mark of hog. Then thought a | while, and suggested that he preach to | them about hell-tell them it is full of l fire and birthstone, burning eternally and warn them to avoid it. Nose said that maybe that text would do. but he didn't propose to treat the subject that way. l am going to tell them that hell is ten feet thick in ice, and getting colder every minute. You let nigger hear of a hot place and he wants to go there, right away. It takes freezing weather to scare a nigger. A nigger and a mule, hot weather and guano seem to suit each other, and if nigger can't sweat over | his religion he don't want it. Why, they l have carried oh a meeting down at my place every August since the war, and | they rear and pitch all night, and