davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
The Very Best Make.

In the course of an after-dinner
speech in praise of women, Samuel
Untermyer, the New York lawyer said
in Pittsburg:
"A commercial traveller remarked
the other day to storekeeper:
Make yourself Christmas pres
ent of cash register. 1t will keep
strict and accurate account of all
you receive and all you disburse. 1t
will show what you save and what
you squander, what you spend foolish
ly and what you spend wisely, where
you should spread out and where you
should retrench, what you waste and
how to waste it"
But said the storekeeper, I've
already got cash register which does
all that and more
Whose make is it?' asked the
salesman, frowning.
Gods make the storekeeper re-
piled; and with a smile at once rev.
erent and grateful he nodded toward
his handsome wife seated in the cash
ier's cage.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
NeapoI!tan Waiter Had Shrewd
Scheme to Coax More Money From
Generous Tourists.

II was in Naples when old Vesuvius
broke loose the last time," said an
American tourist, and the waiter at
the table at my hotel was certainly
pleased at the size of the tips l hand
ed him daily. He could speak pretty
fair English, and for three or four days
he gave me all the information he
could. One day, however, when l
handed him the usual coin he looked at
it in a way to make me see that he
was dissatisfied.
Anything wrong, Josa?' asked.
Hasn't the service been good? he
queried in turn.
"'All that / could have hoped for
"'But / had looked for little in
crease in the signor's generosity
"Why, because the flow of lava has
increased?
"No; because ! had brother in
village six miles away
"'Well?
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

lily, but / tell them of my good friend,
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, and that there will be no back
ache and bearing down pains for them if
they will take it as have. / am scarcely
ever without it in the house.
81 will say also that think there is
no better medicine to be found for young
girls. My eldest daughter has taken
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound for painful periods and irregular
ity, and it has helped her.
81 am always ready and willing to
speak good word for Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound. tell every
one ! meet that ! owe my health and
happiness to your wonderful medicine.
Mrs. j. G. JOHNSON, Scottville, Mich,
RID. 8.
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, made from native roots and herbs,
contains no narcotics or harmful drugs,
and today holds the record of being the
most successful remedy for woman s ills
known
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
PLAYED FOR HEAVIER TIPS

And the lava 1t overtakes him and
his wife and five children and they 60
up what you call the spout, and am
put to expense to buy mourning for
them
The point seemed to be well taken"
said the tourist, land / doubled the
tip, but later on, as l found all the
other walters playing the same game.
wasted no more tears on the family
that went up the spout and came dowp
well roasted"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
EN+E.ES3=|EgA@E
The Perfect Test
Copyright, 1911, by Associated Literary Pressl
By ANNIE HINRICHSEN

do you really mean that you will
give me no explanation?
II can not explain, Katherine"
Carter protested. my reason is an
excellent one. Some time l can give
1t to you. ask you to trust me until
that time
1--WE have been the best of good
friends, Doane. Before the legisla-
ture convened you came often from
your home in townsville to Benton to
see me, a distance of seventy miles.
After the legislature assembled and
you were in Capital City, ten miles
from my home. you came once to
Benton. Then you wrote me that
you could not come again for many
weeks, probably not until the legis-
lature adjourns. You said there is a
reason which some time shall un-
derstand and-and you asked me to-
to"
ITO love me and trust me-" Carter
broke In. you did not answer my
letter.
"Of course, did not When man
tells a girl he does not intend to see
her again she knows it II because he
does not want to. | cons to Capital
City every few days to see my sister,
who is in a hospital here. Today
meet you by chance, and you ask me
to believe that you care for me?"
"You know / love you, Katherine.
Will you not trust me a few weeks?
Will you not believe that my reason
is a good one and an honorable one?'
Then why not tell me?"
II can't, dear, yet"
rs it because you can not trust me
with the reason or-because there Is
no reason except your desire to end
our friendship"
81 am not cad, although you seem
to think / am. could trust you with
anything in the world that could in
honor share with you. But can not
tell you this"
"You need not" Katherine's voice
had become suspiciously gracious.
"Your affairs are 40 concern of mine.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
No Deaths Among Pasteur Patients.

No Deaths Among Pasteur Patients.
For the first time since the establish
ment of the Pasteur Institute of Paris
in 1886, a whole year has passed
(1910) without single case of death
among those vaccinated against hydro
phobia. The total number treated this
year was 401, of whom II were foreign
ers. This is a marked decline from
the number treated in the first year of
the institutes work, 2,671. The rea-
son for the decrease is found in the
fact that similar institutes have bean
established in other parts of France,
as well as in other countries.-Har
per's Weekly.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
MIXED the Orders.

A local doctor once sent his man
with box of pills to patient, and
hamper containing six live pullets to
be left at the house of friend. Un
luckily the messenger bungled over
his errand, and took the hamper to
the patient and the pills to his mas.
ter's friend Imagine the consterna-
ton of the patient on receiving along
with the fowls the following prescrip7
ton:
1.-TWO of these to be swallowed
every half hour"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
countcrfeiter Gets STIFF sentence.

William Fink Brooklyn, N. Y, dealer
in drugs, was sentenced by the New York
Court OF Snecial Sessions, to imprison-
ment in the penitentiary at hard labor,
for four months. The charge was coun-
terfeiting the trademark for Carriers Lit
tie Liver Pills, in violation of the penal
law
The Carter Medicine Company detected
the counterfeit before any quantity of the
spurious goods had been placed upon the
market. In sentencing Fink, Judge Deuel.
laid special stress upon the injury done to
the public when a remedy so well known
as Carters Little Liver Pills is counter
feited and put on the market He i'm
posed the sentence not only as the prop
er punishment of Fink himself, but in or
der to deter others from the commission
of like frauds in the future.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

With the advance of culture profanity declines 1t declines not so
because become peculiarly sensitive its cousnes but they
do to its nefevene with the growth Of refinement both IN the nd
gdual and in the community.
Much always be allowed in the Of particular for
the influence training and association Exceptions there
positive rule STILL it safe to
that intellectual development largely determined
by the extent of his indulgence in profanity.
fully ndorse the professors remarks to profanity being brain
that show mental weakness amongst those who allow
fall the habit but beg to differ with him to the
possibility of its diminishing with modern culture and educaon which
has fully been demonstrated in the there time history
where the opportunities greater for education and culture and where
should be at the height of perfection in this respect
this should of the decrease of profanity it should
chord but the other hand there
period of advanced civilization could there be- IN the dark
prone bad language existed
greater extent than at the time As to its being checked among
the youths their training this be impossible under the
conditions when has permeaed the parents In
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
Humorous Thrust.

How
The savage chief held a giittering
spear near the captive missionary.
do you like this?"
His tone was not facetious. but the
captive was undismayed
well, if you ask me-
He glanced at the weapon, the pro-
pinquity of which was not comforting.
it goes against my stomach
Unfortunately, however, the cap
tive was in locality where there is
no market for humor. and the end
came soon
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
The Lady in Waiting.

Mother"
Eyes, dear"
in this article about the Duke and
Duchess Of Connaught visiting Ana.
bassador Reid it speaks of a lady In
waiting. What does lady in waiting
dor"
Il can't tell you exactly, but think
she is called lady in waiting because
she has to wait till the royal high.
nesses get In before she gets aboard
when they go automobiling.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
Perxersitx of Nature.

His father was busy and had eau
toned him not to ask foolish ques-
tions, so he said to the boy when he
came into the room.
AS long as this isn't a fool question,
what is it?'
And this is what the boy PROFOUND
ed:
When you've sore throat, dad
and it hurts you to swallow, why do
you want to swallow all the timer"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

Our schools have developed into ma
chine which wants itself considered the
best tl2ag yet, which demands absolute
uniformity and which prevents experiment
and discovery.
Their administration is the antithesis
Of science because science doubts, tries and
proves, while the schoolmen assumes, con
forms and defends.
There is no opportunity in the teach
er's domain for Independent research.
He has become mere drill master tied
hand and foot by tradition and wasting his
energy on processes of doubtful value.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

Remarks by prominent Americans re-
garding the exhaustion of the soil are high
ly interesting, but none tells the farmer
how he may increase his crops. One OF
them, however, says that American condi-
tions prohibit limitations of the methods
employed by European countries which
have exhausted the guano beds, and they
are fast approaching the time when they
will be ,unable,to obtain fertilizers.
The. guano beds were practically ex-
hausted twenty-eight years ago, yet the
soils Of European countries in question are
as productive as ever, as other substitutes
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
New Commandment.

Senator Penrose, apropos of Presi-
dent Taft's anti-monopoly message,
said the other day, with a smile:
I'm the past we were forbidden to
put our trust in riches, but now we
are forbidden also to put our riches
Ia trusts
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

etableCompounda and
Sanative Wash have
done me. l live on q
very h ard. / am
forty-ive years old,
and am the mother
of thirteen children.
Many people think
it strange that / am
not broken dow n
with hard work and
the care of my fam
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28


learning it before they leave the cradle.
What is needed to rid the country of profane Ian
guage is to start in schools and colleges edu-
cation of clean speech and respect for reverence which
is fast being driven out by blasphemous and filthy
tongues and to assist this the laws of the land that
exist throughout the country and which were made
to protect against blasphemy and other forms Of
low language should be vigorously enforced
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

When man thinks enough of wom&n
to ask her to be his wife-Le means a com
panion and helpmate for life, for better or
for worse. And when he marries his choice
does he know what is before him, the OBJ
stacles he has to overcome? l think the
marriage question is looked at too lightly,
especially when people are too young and
unable to realize what they are going into
1t is easy enough to get married and
easy enough to stay married, il people do
not form the idea that they are shaving for
one another. When they once form that
idea they might as well call it off, because
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

The woman who cares for a clean,
wholesome mouth, and sweet breath,
will find Paxtine Antiseptic Joy for
ever. At druggists, 25c a box.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

Even if a man does know his own
mind he may not have cause to be
proud of his acquaintance.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

Constipation causes and aggravates many
serious diseases 1t is thoroughly cured by
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets. The favor.
lite family laxative.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
Awful.
"1s my hat on straight"
mo. One eye shows. Life.
Awful.

PILES CURED IN 6 TO Ia DAYS
Nour ruggst will refund money IL PALO ONT.
MENT fails to cure any case of Itching, Bind
bleeding or Protruding Piles in s TO Ii days. 5Oc
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

To Dyspeptics: Others have found a
steady course of Garfield Tea pleasant
means of regaining health. Why not you!
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
Married
Man
Should
HaveSOEale
Liberty
BY Ruth Marsh

then all faith and harmony ching OF the past
whereof speak, My husband used be
fond Of shouderng gun going hunting occasionally young
women would "And you here all alone; why would
though that had to hang strings all
the would them that ne could DO lot That's
the idea most Young girls labor under just though
q had rights left after marrying
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

Occasionally a bachelor thinks he
will marry certain girl until he dis
covers that she thinks likewise. also.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine Tablets.
Druggists refund money IL it fails to cure. E. w.
GROVES signature Is on each box. 25c.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
.Profane
Language
Advance of
Culture Causes
It's Decline
By r. EVAN Jones

WING to the extensive of pofane and basphemous lam
guage having become common seemingly among people in
all walks of e many have been trying to solve the problem
why this should be advanced stage of civilization Some
time ago noticed explanation coming from Prof Thomas
R. Launsburg which is as follows:
Profanity brain test The habit is in consequence
subject the general laws governing ntensitveness To
very great extent practice of swearing specially charhc
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

Most human maladies arise from wrong
dieting. Garfield Tea gives immediate relief
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
A Cruel Thrust.

He-Old age has no terrors for me.
She-It needn't have if it's true
that brainy men live long.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

Some men make matters worse if
they try to explain.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
Public
Schools
Nothing
but
Machine
Nv Prof. William McAndrew
New York

America today where medicine the dark ages
deduction improved principles laid down by authority
afraid to relax rules lest the whole system fly pieces
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
UnreaIized ldyi of a King.

Onl Sdi@SN f'Ny' " . 'N''S'
King Arthur had just invented the
round table.
Can you invent a bureau that a
mans wife will let him have two
drawers off" we asked.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

Offering to bet tnat you are right is
q poor kind of argument.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28
Mother Of
LARGE FAMILY
Tells How She Keeps Her
Health - Happiness For
Those Who Take
Her Advice.

Scottville, Mich. 90 want to tell you
how much good Lydia e. Pinkhain' s Veg
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1912-03-28

It's the contrariness of her sex that
induces a woman to agree with man
Just when he doesn't want her to.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-06-21
Barons Lose Thriller To Pels

from the bus into the ears of the street car passengers: something if we may judge from the manner in which he him self laughed, exceptionally humorous. At any rate. he entered the game yesterday in the condition of the mackerel which had undergone a three weeks bath. He played good ball for while and then, following foolish stunt in which he went out at the plate. he threw him. self about the neck of the poor old um- plre. He did it well. He dressed Kellum in such fashion that more than one fan recalled that small and eccentric animal of the South American tree-tops con- corning which Pitcher Darwin, in the philosophic league, invented theories for future explosion. It was the intention of Johnston to make Kellum ridiculous, he succeeded.
 When Johnston finally decided to retife. he passed by Umpire Fitzsimmons and indicated by his manner an ardent desire to have another difficulty. But Fitzsim- mons displayed a stronger front and tffe belligerent finally retired.
 Later Marcan had his clash with Kel- lum. It was a very tame affair. The player was called out on very close de- cision It is probable that he whispered something into the ear of the umpire which waA not soothing to a head that ached. At any rate Kellum yanked the player. Marcan. en route to the bench. passed by the umps, but did not open his mouth. The contrast between the tactics of the two outcasts was the subject of discussion.
 We play the Pelicans again this aft ernoon. Foxen will pitch for Firming- ham. Fritz may prove to be the choice of 'Cholly" Frank H. w. R.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-06-21
BESSEMER DOWNED
 IN FIRST GAME OF THE SECOND SEASON
SOUTHEASTERN STANDING
Results Yesterday Huntsville IA. Bessemer 5.
 Games Today
Played wol

Bessemer in Huntsville.
 Selma in Gadsden.
 Anniston in Rome
 Huntsville, June e0.-(SpeciaL )- Huntsville and Bessemar opened the second half of the Southeastern sea- son here today by mutual agreement, and the Pipemal<ers were defeated in one-sided and very uninteresting game.
 Robertson and Luhrson were both liberal in allowing hits and nearly ev- cry batter succeeded in fattening his average. Bessemer made many errors and the game was listless almost from tho first, many of the spectators leav- ing before the garne was finished.
 The Mountaineers began hitting and making runs in their first half. three singles. a two-bagger. a sacrifice and an error counting for three runs. Hits and errors were punched again in the fourth half for four runs and In tho sixth every Huntsville player faced Robertson.
 The game became a farce at this point. The Pipemakers rallied some what In the ninth and put three run nors across the plate. Vidi. an infielder, Joined the Bessemer team here today.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-06-21
FOUR ARE KILLED
 IN FAMILY FEUD
Ranchers in Texas Engage in Pitched Battle With Fatal Results
 Near Sherman

sherman. Tex. June 20.--A young woman engaged in a pitched battle, killed one man and shot and wounded another man and his wife, only to be killed herself at Sperry Ranch near here today. A family feud is blamed for the affray. The dead:
 Miss Georgia Sharp, 2S.
 L. W. sharp, 70.
 Walter Sharp, 30.
 Russell Waldrop, 16.
 Wounded: Henry Waldrop, 45; Mrs, Henry Waldrop, Al.
 The Sharps, passing the Waldrop home on the ranch, stopped, firing be- ginning with their entrance into the Waldrop yard. Henry Waldrop pot shotted Walter Sharp and l. w. sharp, his brother. As l.. w. Sharp dropped, Georgia, his daughter, seized his smok- ing magazine weapon and took up the fight staying young Waldrop and wounding his parents. Waldrop then shot and killed the girl.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-06-21
IMMENSE THRONG GATHERS TO
 SEE YALE-HARVARD REGATTA

New London. Conn, June 2O.-The gath ering of the Yale and Harvard regatta throng for the annual rowing matches on the Thames began at dawn today and gained headway with every hour. Stately yachts came in from Lond Island Sound and slipped through the big drawbrfdge in order to obtain choice places for tomor- rows events on the upper river
 Revenue cutters. whose launches will patrol the course. were early on the s4aJt and by noon the Senaea. Mohawk and Gresham were at their ports. The regatta which actually began several days ago when Harvard won two informal races off the crew quarters will be late today with a contest between the freshmen
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-06-21
Forty Bottles of Beer
 To Make One Drunk

Louisville, June 20.-It would require 70 bottles of common beer to make man drunk, according to n witness testifying before Postoffice Inspector Keene during the investigation of charges against Su- perintendent of Mails Lewis O'Donnell at the custom house here. Alvin zolier. an employe of the railway mail service, said he had seen oDonneil drink two bottles of common" beer, but that he was not intoxicated Inspector Keene then asked how many bottles one could drink without becoming intoxicated. and was assured that O'Donnell was 3s bottles within the limit.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-06-21
B ES SEM FER LOSES FIRST GA ME OF THE SECOND SEASON

substitute fours and two eights made up of graduates who cannot get the rowing fever out of their athletic systems. The races have become fixtures and last year Harvard carried off the first trophy of fered form them by A. L. Graves. a Yale oarsman R. r. Herrick of Harvard immediately donated another cup, which will be rowed for this year. This will be the first time It goes to the college win ming it three times.
 The principal events will come tomor- row, starting with the freshmen race up- stream from the drawbridge at 10:30 a. m, and followed immediately by the varsity substitute four oated crews Then will come the varsity substitute fours over the remainder of the four mile course and following it the varsity eight pared race four miles down stream late tomorrow.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-06-21
DOXEY DROWNING AN
 ACCIDENT, SAYS JURY

St. Louis, June 2o.--A coroner's jury at Clifton, Tenn, returned a verdict of acc oldental drowning in the case of Dr. Loren B. Doxey, whose body was found in the Tennessee river yesterday.
 pr. Hoxey and his wife. Dora, were on the way to Clayton, county seat of St, Louis county, where Mrs Doxey is charged with having bigamously married William J. Erder. of whose murder she was acquitted before the Doxeys went south.
 It was at first thought that Doxey had killed himself.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-06-21
Auto Records Smashed

Algonquin H.. June 2o.-Three demon strations by Kulock of Detroit, smashed the record on the Algonquin Hill that is used in the first half of the Chicago Mo- tor club climb
 Driving a special Ford, he was clocked in 13 3-5. 15 2-5. and 15% seconds in three different events. which beats the record Of l6 3-5 seconds made last year by Ed die Hearne in the 12o horsepower Benz. The hill is 1900 feet long and 26 per cent at it's steepest portion. the cars being given a flying start.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-06-21
England Holds Golf Meet

London. June 20.--The American compe- titors in the open golf championship events made a disastrous start in the qualifying round today on the Muirheld links. Haddingtonshlre. The wind was extremely troublesome.
 J. c. Anderson of West Newton. Mass took 76 to complete the first round of IS holes, while John J. McDermott of Att iantic City. took 9l.
 The best score made thus far is 76 strokes. Only 20 of the couples playing today will be qualified to play in the championship proper. The total number of entrants is 212 players.