davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
STATESMEN, REAL AND NEAR.
By FRED C. KELLY

Bishop Rowe. OF Alaska, told while here
recently OF the time he went up to
Retchikan. Alaska. to deliver his first
sermon in that locality. Ketchikan is
the place where It rains all the time.
The bishop thought the people there
would be interested in the story of Noah
episode his text.
After he had finished an old native
came up to him and observed in a NUT
tering tone:
Right good sermon. and 1 enjoyed 1t
fust-rate. But I don't believe any OF
that stun about the food
'oh, well. you've got 10 take the Bible
as IL is" declared the bishop. The
greatest theologians are convinced that
the account OF the hood is an accurate
historical narrative. Why do you ques-
ton it,
''Aw. II Just never happened" asserted
the Alaskan. why, you say II rained
there forty days and forty nights and
everybody was drowned eXcept-what
was the feIlers nsme?-oh. yes; Noah
Well. I've seen II rain here 100 days ami
100 nights, and nobody drown"
Congress Is packed with men who like
TO go a-fishin'. but # is believed that
the two men best qualified by tempera-
ment to devote themselves to angling for
fishes are Representatives witherspoon,
OF Mississippi and Stephens, OF Califor-
MIA. The test OF true fisherman Is
simply this: Can he or can he not sit
and FISH all day without catching any
thing and never once excIaim: "Aw,
there amt any fish here: let's Quit?'
Messrs. Witherspoon and Stephens pass
that test creditably. "Old Man
n.
world why he should be called that, for
he isn't-expresses himself in this way:
I'm like Grover Cleveland used TO say
about himself. 1 can sit and FISH and
fish and fish till the lake runs dry, or
the horn blows for dinner. It is seldom
that I ever catch anything. 'tis true, but
l can sit on the dock all day long hav-
ing just the incest time you can imagine
until the sun begins to sink into the
water. and then I buy a couple Of nice
fish to take home. feeling that l have
had a successful days fishing"
Uncle Sam Witherspoon belongs to
every fishing club in Mississippi, so far
as he can learn Some Of these own
lands and streams and clubhoUses: 9TH
ers own merely a few hooks and lines
or merely a name, but Uncle Sam be-
longs to 'em all. and as rapidly as he
gets time he organizes more. He testi-
fies as follows:
Il can sit for ten hours without ever
getting so much as nibble or a hand
wave. as II were, and feel absolutely
certain during the entire time that my
cork is going 10 disappear the very next
second"
Robert Fowler. Representative Of the
Twenty-fourth Illinois District, knows
all about birds and trees and other in
teresting outbursts Of nature. but more
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
Taking a Day Of.

The outings which have been PLAN
ned by the trade bodies of Washington
this year are to be looked upon as
something quite different from the or
binary excursion and holiday which
may be taken at any time or may be
arranged for as business cares will best
permit. While the excursion, covering
several days, as arranged by the Cham
Der of Commerce will take few days
from business, no one can doubt that
the days will be well spent. The pro-
granme is elastic enough to allow full
play to the individual taste, and, from
what we know of the originators of it,
will much resemble one of the best SELL
ers in that there will not be dull min
ute in il.
But the pleasure and relaxation which
this outing will doubtless afford in
great plenty is, perhaps, the least valu-
able part of II. 1t is business mans
trip in which business men take
part. During the time there is
abundant opportunity for the exchange
of ideas on business which will sharpen
all and make the days immensely
profitable as well as pleasant There
can be no gathering of any number
of alert, active, progressive business
men, such as will represent Washing
ton on this occasion, without that in
terchange of ideas, that discussion Of
business conditions and relation of
business experiences which will prove
profitable investment
Ideas are the life of the business
world in America more than in any
other country. The @idea man" is pc
culiarly a product of the United States.
Salaries are drawn, and good ones, too,
by men of ability, initiative, and quick
ness of intellect, whose sole duty it is
in connection with large establishments
to evolve new business ideas for others
to work out and TO turn to profitable
use. TIE getting of ideas is the getting
of better business ability. Here, with
out question, will be the opportunity
for an increase of ones stock of busi-
ness ideas, however we'll equipped enc
may be.
There is not business man in Wash
ington, who, after the close application
TO business during the winter and the
spring, has not a little period of
relaxation coming to him. There are
few cities in the country where the ex-
actions OF business are as great during
the seasons just closed as they are here
A long vacation is out of the question
for many. But day off to shad bake,
or the more protracted outing of two
or three days will fit in now and en-
able any business man to rest, refresh,
and relax both the tired mind and body,
and at the same time come back better
equipped in every way to push harder
in directions most needed.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

especially birds. He can tel almost any
bird by the way II flies, by the kind Of
nest It builds, or the shape of a hole
II pecks into a tree. When Fowler was
nine or ten years old he was an author
ity on the fauna or Southern Illinois
He also went in for geological speci-
mems. and by the time he was a man
he knew so much about the mineral de-
pOsits throughout his locality that he
was led to lease a large tract Of ap-
parently worthless land. A little later
this land proved to be rich in lead and
zinc, and Fowler's lease helped consid-
erabIy.
Representative Smith Of New York
was the youngest managing editor in the
country a few years ago. He was in
charge OF a Buffalo newspaper at the
age of twenty-four. Samuel G.. Blythe
was another OF those precocious mansg-
ing editors. He and Smith had desks
IN the same room. one in charge Of a
morning paper and the other OF an even
ing paper owned by the same company
One morning a prominent business man
came in with "a piece for the paper"
and he said he wanted II printed Just
as II stood, without any changes Smith
said there wasn't anything doing. and
the man took his piece" over to Blythe.
who also opined that It listened a good
deal like a bit OF free advertising for
somebody.
Then the visitor said:
"Oh, pshaw, I'm not used to dealing
with boys. I'll come back later when I
can see somebody in authority"
Smith and Blythe met in F Street. IN
Washington. a day or two ago and
chuckled about It
Ware Of your friends" shouted
Representative ]. Hampton Moore. mem
Der of the Looters. Club. The Looters'
Cinb is composed Of Representatives
Moore and Lafean OF Pennsylvania, and
Austin of Tennessee, and is so called
because these members are supposed to
have a great knack at getting what they
want
Happy Moore had a bill the other
day granting $500 to a widow whose
husband was killed in government ser
vice.
Representative Austin, thinking at was
an extreme case, and also wishing to
help Moore. offered an amendment IN
creasing the damages from 800 to 5000
The House would have stood for the
pOOo. but not for 5000, and the whole
proposition went down. Therefore Moore
says: Ware Of your friends"
Prof Willis Moore. the weather hxer.
was telling his friend Doc Wiley about
the fine. large potatoes grown in a GER
tain section OF the West.
How big do they grow7" inquired
Wiley.
Well" says Moore. seven Of 'em
will NIL peck. and eight would make
a meal even for you" And the weather
man departed, chuckllng a low. hoarse
chuckle.
Copyright. 1872 by Fred c. Kelly. Al rights n.
eefTed)
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
Gains $1,000 Verdict.

A compromise verdict for 1850 was
yesterday returned in the District Su-
preme Court In the suit OF Edward Mo
Namara against the Washington Termi-
nal Company. The plaintin, who was
an engineer, lost an arm in a collision
on January 8, 1908, and sued for &SS.O0c
damages. Twice the case has been to the
Court of Appeals; both times its de-
cision beng adverse TO the company.
Rather than chance another trial the
defendant settled the case.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
Luthernnn Extend Thanks.

The State Department has received
from the board of directors OF the United
Norwegian Lutheran Church OF America
resolution OF thanks, expressing ap-
probation Of the assistance rendered its
missionaries in China by the United
States Minister and consuls in that
country during the revolution.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
Charlotte Hall Alumni Dimes.

The annual banquet Of the Charlotte
Hall Academy Alumni Association was
held at the Shoreham last night Ad-
dresses were made by Major G. NJ.
Thomas. principal of the school; Duke
Bond, William NJ. Levin, Frank Wal
ter. W. F. Mitchell, and others.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
SEEKS $4,000 FROM ROAD.
Miss Helen Hayden Gibbs Asks
Damages for Injuries.

The New York. New Haven, and Hart
ford Railway Company was named as
defendant in a suit filed yesterday by
Helen Hayden Gibbs, formerly a teacher
in the public schools, TO recover S2S,0oo
damages for injuries alleged TO have been
sustained by her in the Federal Express
smash-up at Bridgeport, Conn, July II.
1911.
Miss Gibbs was a passenger in one OF
the cars that fell down the embankment.
Plaintiff alleges that she expended 5000
in an attempt to be cured. and has lost
her salary OF 1910 by reason Of the
injuries preventing her employment.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
Presidential Possibilities
By GEORGE FITCH,
Asthor OF @At Good ola siwash."

and has found time. besides Presidentins
seven years. to raise family Of six chill
dren and one grandchiid. to reform New
York. TO write a medium-sized library.
70 learn to fry bear steaks. TO lose hia
fortune in the cattle business, to acquire
war, to do heavy siege-gun duty as edi-
tor. to clean up the New York police. to
preach to several nations. and TO be in
terviewed 1,S7s.5i3 times. Three years ago
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
ALITTLE NONSENSE.
BASEBALL POETRY.

Oh. the carols end the barrels OF AL
sorts OF runic lays
About pilfering the bases In the marry
Maytime days.
You may pirate OF Bobby Browning, but
he never wrote a word
About suntinE down the foul line or
or sliding into third.
oh, the JinSies about bingies, and the
merry. merry rhyme
About lining out the spheroid IN the
gladsome summer time;
I was once quite fond Of Shelley. but
he sinks IN my regard.
For he hasn't got the spirit OF the blithe-
some baseball bard.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

Boston is to have a hospital for pa
tients suffering from the blues" II Bos-
ton were the convention city for either
party we might predict some strenuous
times at that hospital next month.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
Teeth PuIline Cause. Death.

New York. May l4.-Rev. DR.. Henri
L. Grandlienard, a Presbyterian min
lister. died at the New York Hospital as
the result Of the shock following the
removal OF two teeth.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

Who ever heard Of walters going on
strike for more wages? To our uncul-
tured, simple mind It seemed a certainty
that they did not have to care for SO
small a trihe.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

Harry Thaw, We hear, expects to prac-
tice law, il he is released from Matteawan
Asylum for the Insane. Well, he GER
tsinly has had enough law by this time
to fill a Blackstone.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

Some say that Orozco is Mexico's
Washington; others, that he is that coun-
try's JEFF Davis. Why hesitate fighting
It out for once and all, and give the Mexi-
cans and us a rest?
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
Adopts Daeline Re.oIution.

Berlin. May 1.-THE Reichstag has
adopted an anti-dueling resolution.
Hereafter a German officer refusing to
fight duel will not be dismissed from
the army.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

That New York messenger boy who re-
turned $4,000 OF stock certificates that
had been lost and received Is cents re-
ward is at the bottom OF the quotation
list
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
Gunboat stricken from List.

The gunboat Marietta has been stricken
from the navy list and will be turned
over to the New Jersey Naval Militia
for practice cruises.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

At least Upton Sinclair seems to have
the courage Of his convictions, for he
actually declined an audience with King
George Of England.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
Acme of Enjoyment

Jimmy, what would you do If you was
rich7"
I'D have pie fer dinner every day"
Anything else?"
Yes; I'd have a scoreboard in de din
ing-room. wit de butler marking up de
scores from all parts Of de country
while / eat"
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

Secretary Knox. It is sale, intends to
resign II the State Department is to be
investigated It is hardly like him to
abandon a post under fire
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

One scientist has pronounced that
woman's brain is larger than mans. and
on the very same day another expert
has testified that brain and alcohol ca
pacity are co-reiative.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
His UItimatum.

did you hear about Woodrow Wilson
losing his suit case?''
Yes; but II you are going TO get OF
any gag about his losing his grip. I'll
have TO swat you. I've heard that gag
in 40 various manifold FORMS
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

The new chief Of the Confederate Union,
it is said. never swore, drank. or played
cards. Yet. no doubt Col McElroy was a
good soldier.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

If this country can learn how to split
pennies It will be a help toward the
thriftiness which our nation stands so
much in need Of.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

You can get most anything IL you
kick" for it. A Chicago rooter has
given S25,Oeo to his favorite baseball
team.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

Whatever the cost, it was well worth
the price for Mr.. Finn, Of Pittsburg.
to rise from boss to a leader.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

These are busy days for the sweet girl
graduate. Busy with her costume and
busy-perhaps-with her thesis.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
DISTRICT PROBER
ASKS HOUSE FOR
ANOTHER $4,000

oontlnasd from PaEs one.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
PRE-CoNvENTIoN SLABS.

From the Seattle Post-InteIIiSaieer.
When Roscoe Conkling launched the
Grant boom for a third term as President
by committing the Republicans OF New
York to It, he changed the political COM
plexion of New York-changed a Repub-
Iican plurality OF 51.s95 into a Democratic
plurality of 5o,S17. In PennsylvanIa at
the same time the same issue changed
Republican plurality of 1S5,oOO into a
Democratic plurality Of 4.s7s. The Re-
publican plurality OF s42sS In Ohio in
1872 was in 1874 changed to a Democratic
plurality of 17.2o2. The same issue
other States resulted in the election
Democrats to succeed Republicans in Z
United States Senate. As a resuls
these repeated disasters, All plainly
TO the fact that the Republican parG
advocated the third term, Republicans
in 1876 abandoned and repudiated the
third term idea. Republican victories
followed.
From the Portland oregunian
Those who read Mr.. Perkins state
ment of his contributions to campaign
purposes understandingly are not likely
to think he was trying to give a realis-
tic initiation of Mr.. E. z Mark. Mr.
Perkins did not acquire his millions or
his position as a Morgan partner and
director In the greatest trusts ever or
gsnized in the world, through paying out
money without certainty Of getting
value for IT.
From the Charlotte obseTTer
Virginia will almost certainly send an
uninstructed delegation to Baltimore
though. the Clark wagon now looking A
little Ike the band wagon. some Of the
population there wants to climb on.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
A sIIEht prawback.

Speaking of obscuring the view. listen
to this:
Hello! Been to all the early games7'
II went to some OF them, but I've quit
now"
That's no way to act. Get out and
root"
We'll, my absence is only temporary.
I couldn't see well during some Of those
early games. There were too many
icicles hanging from the roof of the
grand stand"
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
uncle PenAywise saysl

I'm only an old fosy. but when cross
the ocean ia rather see few good life
boats aboard than any number OF swim
ming pools.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
CouIdn,t Como CIeaner.

The women Of a far Western town on
the eve Of the last city election gave a
REGISTRATION tea" Each voter who came
up to register was handed a cup OF tea,
a macaroon. and his name was an
nounced to the assembled guests. A car
nation was then pinned on him by a
pretty girl, and there were also garde-
MAS for those who preferred the same.
How is this for clean politics?
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
The Tired Bu.ine.s Man AEain.

Theatrical managers have long catered
to their fetish. the Tired Business Man.
and now he has gotten into baseball, as
witness the following conversation:
why do the clubs pay such exorhitant
prices for pitchers?'
$50 that batters may be struck out In
one, two, three order The tired busi-
ness man has neither time nor incllna-
ton to follow these intricate plays"
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
May is I'm History.

May Is, 15s4-Henry VIII sees his frst
BAN game and roots like veteran.
May Is. 1Tb5-Dr. Johnson pawns Bos-
wells plum-colored pants and spends
the proceeds for mulfed sack.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15
No Eye Tor beauty.

, It makes a fellow scowl, be sure,
And wrinkle up his face
To have the fairest girl obscure
HIS view Of second place.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-15

Robert Fowler. Representative of the
Twenty-fourth Illinois District, knows
all about birds and trees and other in
teresting outbursts Of nature, but more
The Green Forest tribune., 1912-01-05
LOT SOLD FOR S1,O00,OO0
New High Record in the Sale of New York Corner--Nearly $s7o
 Square Foot.

New York.-A new record has just been established for New York City real estate in the sale for $1,000,000 of the small corner plot at Broadway and Thirty-fourth street, adjoining Macys department store. It contains less than 1,200 square feet-not quite half of full-sized city lot, and brought nearly $S70 square foot
 This exceeds the former record of about $500 paid two years ago for the old Gdllender building plot on the northwest corner of Nassau and Wall streets, on which, including some ad- joining property. the forty-one-story Bankers Trust building is nearing completion
 Previously to this the famous parcel at Wall street, fronting on Broadway, was sold for about $700,000. In area this contains about 1,200 square feet, making trifle less than $500 square foot Not far be- low the plot just sold is the property formerly occupied by the Union Dime Savings Bank. The bank sold it in 1906 for about $1.00O,000, at the rate of $250 a square foot, and when 1t changed hands about three years later the price was then given as nearly $1500,000, bringing the square foot average to about $375. It occupies the
The Green Forest tribune., 1912-01-05
LOSS BY CHESTNUT BLIGHT
Damage In Country Estimated at $25,ooo, ,ooo-Greatest In
 Pennsylvania.

Philade1phia-Ten million dollars damage has already been done in the state of Pennsylvania by the chest nut blight, according to the commis- sion appointed on the authority of the legislature by Governor Tener to eradicate the disease. In addition to this there has been damage in other states to the amount of about $15,- 000,000 This will constitute but a small part of the loss occasioned, ac- cording to a statement made by the commission, If the blight is not checked, as the chestnut timber in Pennsylvania alone is valued at from $60,O00 900 to s70,000.000
 If the disease Is not wiped out it will sweep the magnificent chestnut forests of the south. The annual chestnut output of the eastern part of the United States Is worth $22,000,000.
 Pennsylvania has appropriated $275,- 900 to defray expenses in checking and wiping out the blight. Thirty trained men are in >Ae fielda in this state. They have located the advance line of the blight and are supervising the cutting and burning of diseased trees and locating new infections.
 Both the federal department of agri- culture, through Dr. Haven N, etcalf of the department of forest pathology, and the Pennsylvania forestry de partment are actively cooperating with the commission, of which s. S.. DetWeiller of this city is the execu- tive officer.
The Green Forest tribune., 1912-01-05
Kissing Is Great Nuisance

of modern travel. People insist upon kissing in the most inconvenient times and places.
 Take, for example, the young lady who goes away from Denver to spend her vacation. She is automobiled to the station by her mother, her sister and her sweetheart. and is kissed in- termittently all the way down. She gets to the station three minutes ahead of train time, and makes a rush for the gate where long line of peo- pSe are waiting. After much fretting and embracing she finally reaches the gatemen.
 Where is the train for Kansas City? she asks frantically. "Oh. dear, way over there! My ticket yes, I have it. Wait minute I've got 1t in my purse. Oh, where Is 1t? had it just a minute ago Oh, dear me- the train will leave me, I know. Goodness! Oh, here 1t is Hurry up, will youl Is it all right? Can go? Which track did you say? Goodby mother dear" and at this point the gateman swears because Cecelia must kiss every member of the family good by. and her sweetheart as we'll People
The Green Forest tribune., 1912-01-05
Paris Banker Refuses Chicagoan
 Present Because of Hair.
Mrs. Robert M Arnold Darkens Sil- yer Locks and Has Difficulty In identifying Self for
 Agent.

Paris.-A moral pointed and tale adorned by the experience Of young and beautiful Chicago matron is don't get silver streaks in your rav- en locks colored to their former hue he moment you arrive in Paris.
 The young woman whose tresses have brought her queer quarter of an hour and then to Olympic laughter 's " aIrs} Robert M Arnold, well known .s,hong the upper society set and phil anthropical circles of Chicago. Be fore her marriage with a son of the late Bishop Arnold of Detroit. she was Miss Margaret Rose Rohilly. daugh- ter of one of the best known men in Minnesota, the octogenarian. H. Ro- hilly
 Mrs. Eugene A Hendrickson of Minneapolis, widow of the late Sen Mrs Arnold came to Paris to put their daughters in a French school, Both look like elder sisters of the girls, but Mrs. Arnold, realizing that gray hairs run early in her family, decided to have the silvery streaks removed by the best artists in Paris.
 Just as the restoration was com pleted an early and costly present ar rived from a millionaire sister in Duluth It came to the Credit Lyon naisse, and the bankers through whom the present was sent furnished the Credit Lyonnaisse detailed de. scription of Mrs Arnold.
 The description was as accurate as that of a passport and gave as de sA2il that her hair was grayish It li&wise stated that she would be in the. company of Mrs. Hendrickson who Is well known at the Credit Ly onnaisse When Mrs Arnold went to the bank her hair was as black as midnight and the well known Mrs Hendrickson was not with her
 Mrs. Robert Arnold of Chicago has
The Green Forest tribune., 1912-01-05
SHIP IS DELAYED 8Y FISH
Vessel in Midocean Has a 3ansarkable Experience When MAuo2ss of
 Finny Tribe Block Pumps.

Halifax, N. S.-On the arSival here of the Furness liner Durango, from London, Captain Chambers reported remarkable occurrence which took place when the liner was in midNpcean.
 The steamship was proceeding at a high rate of speed, when suddenly the engines refused to work and the ves- sel stopped An examination by the engineers disclosed the fact that tho circulation pumps had failed to act and steps were taken to ascertain the cause. After some time it was found that the intake" of the circulation feed pipe was tightly filled with number of fish, which had been drawn into the passage by the suction of the pumps.
 Captain Chambers stated that short time before the Durango stopped lshe passed through a shoal of the fish. sAfter the passage had been cleared bf the fish the liner was able to pro- Iced at her usual rate of speed