davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
Popular Dublin Conveyance.

full than that by road between Dublin
and Killarney.
To fully enjoy the trip, the better
part of two days should be devoted to
It. Except by rushing mt express
speed the distance Is too much to
cover. enjoyably. In one day, while.
breaking the journey, and staying In
Limerick over night, It is real pleas.
ure.
On recent visit the correspondent
had the enjoyable experience OF &C.
companying Mr.. Joseph Devlin. NJ. p,
the energetic and resOurceful secre.
tary of the United Irish League in Ire.
land. and Nationalist member for the
division of West Belfast; Mr.. John
Culhane. bright young lawyer Of
Dublin. sOn-in-law OF Mr.. David Shee.
hey. NJ. p, a veteran in the Irish ma.
tional fight. and one or two other
friends on a trip by automobile from
Dublin to the Lakes Of Killarney.
We left Dublin In the early after.
noon. passing out through Thomas
street. the scene Of Emmet's execu.
ton in 1903, and of the arrest of Lord
Edward Fitzgerald. few yards fur.
ther along the same street. the latter
event taking place in 1898. Almost
every inch of ground in that section oi
the Irish capital Is associated with
some historic incident either of the
Rebellion Of '9S. the Emmett Rising, or
the Fenian movement In the COS OF
the last century.
For the first 12 or IS miles after
leaving Dublin the run Is a short dis
tance from the southern bank Of the
Liffey. the river which waters the
Irish capital. On the left in plain
view is the Hill Of Tallaght, where
one of the warmest skirmishes be.
tween the British authorities and the
unarmed advocates of Irish national.
ity took place during the Fenian ris.
Ing In 1867.
Beyond. and still further south. lie
the Dublin and Wicklow mountains.
which form, until one reaches Kildare.
charming background to the land.
ecape. The Round Tower of Clondal-
kin. and the deeply wooded Hill of
Lyons. with the magnificent residence
Of Lord Cloncurry situated at its base,
help to form magnificent picture
which, seen from an eminence with
In Lord Cloncurry's demesne, affords
q view extending over 13 Of the 30
counties OF Ireland.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04

the workers for the leading candi.
dates indicate that the time has not
yet arrived for the nomination either
of Speaker Clark, Governor Wilson or
Representative Underwood.
Campaign leaders possibly might
have reached some agreement il inter
est in the deadlock had not been
dwarfed by the personal controversy
developed between w. J. Bryan and
Speaker Clark. The visit of Mr.. Clark
to Baltimore and his arrival too late
to attempt vindication Of himself to
the convention, overshadowed every.
thing else as topic for gossip.
Party leaders generally took the po.
sition Notwithstanding the Missouri.
ans impassioned denial Of Mr.. Bryan's
imputation that he was bound to
Morgan, Belmont and Ryan, that he
would be unable to gain the votes he
had lost. At the same time. many of
them thought that sympathy for Mr..
Clark and the inevitable linking of
Bryan and Wilson in the minds of
delegates. by reason of the New Jer-
sey candidate having been the bene.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
Takes First Stem.

New York.-The first step toward
the organization in New York state of
the new party launched in Chicago by
supporters of Theodore Roosevelt was
taken Sunday by City Comptroller vii.
liam A. Prendergast Mr.. Prendergast
was appointed to represent his state
on the committee formed in Chicago
to organize the new party. He laid
the cause before the people today In an
address to voters. Provisional organI-
cation, he says. will be effected with.
out delay and permanent organization
will follow as quickly as possible.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
WHO DOES WRITE THE JoKes7
Principally the Professional Funny
Man, Which Easily Explains Their
Sad" Quality.

How are jokes made7 The funny
bone Of the American people demands
n thousand new pleasantries every
day. The doctors say that our dia4
phragms must be tickled or We will
die. How can anybody sit down and
deliberately make up Jokes that will
tickle us?
The main source Of newspaper jokes
is the professional funny man. The
funny man works In various ways. A
crude beginner Mt the joke trade usual
ly opens the dictionary at random and
begins to look for words to make puns
on. He comes to the word horse"
That reminds him OF horse sense"
SO he frames the following little John.
ny and teacher anecdote.
Johnny" said the teacher. write
a sentence using the words horse
sense" Johnny wrote: "One night
pa forgot to lock the stable and he
hasn't seen his horse sense"
This Joke is duly published in the
funny column of the metropolitan pa
per A magazine writer. seeing the
story In a country paper, thinks Il
original and exclusive. He steals it
and sells II to a weekly magazine Of
national circulation. From this maga-
zine London editors grab the little Jest
and II Is now afioat on the wide ocean
OF English language and Il probably
will outlive the man who wrote It.
Most OF the anecdotes that All the
funny columns never happened In reaIl
life. They are the brain children Of
some hired Jester who dotes on aneo-
dotes. There Ia a pun. right there.
The professional funny man would
ponder that a minute. then perhaps
produce rhyme like this:
Artie chokes on artichokes
And writhes about in pain:
But Auntie dotes on antidotes,
And soon he's we'll again.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
SCENES ON EMERALD ISLE
Writer Takes Auto Trip Through
ireland and Views Historic
Places.

Dublin, Ireland---To see Ireland at
Its best there Is no time Of the year
more pleasant in which to tour It than
In April or May. There is scarcely .
point to which the traveller turns In
any direction that does not AFFORD op-
portunity for historic research or
study Of the ancient literature and
poetry of the land. Storied ruins and
remains Of ancient seats, or towering
ecclesiastic edifces tell of the deeply
religious faith Of today. al well 40 Of
he ancient piety OF the Irish people
Perhaps In all Ireland It would be
iif'lcult to select a trip more delight.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
Seemed Strange to Her.

Miss Melcher In describing the
commencement exercises Of a certain
medical college to Miss Bungler. said
that she had felt quite awed when
the Hippocratic oath was adminis@
tered to the graduates.
IL should think you would havei"
Miss Bungler exclaimed In indignant
surprise. "a hypocritic oath! l nev-
er heard Of that. Something now.
! suppose. shouldn't think any
physician would want to bind himself
to thing like that"
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
Many Wild Rumors.

Baltimore.-Many absurd rumors
we're current In the hotel lobbies. One
was that the leaders had agreed upon
the abrogation OF the two.thirds rule
after thirty ballots had been cast,
while there was another report that
an adjournment would be taken after
ten additional ballots and lew dele
gates selected for another convention
in August None OF the rumors were
based on anything more than idle gos.
Sip.'
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
Lazy Expresslon.

Slang and rutted phrases may be
brilliantly used and 80 pass current
legally. But for the most part they are
not brilliantly used. They serve chiefly
the lazy mind and are bore. One
can, and very many ones do. shirk the
thought process by the mode Of ready
made and ill.ftting expressions. 'Tis
as easy as lying. More aptly. 'tis a.
easy as swearing. And very much such
q slovenly habit az swearing. Very
many who might. as early. speak and
write English we'll groove their minds
with slang and bad usage Of tho Ian
guage until their thoughts can hardly
travel out except through the furrowa
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
Mack Calls MEETING,

Baltimore. - National Chairman
Mack called the representatives Of the
various candidates together soon after
the Saturday night session closed with
the purpose of ascertaining what can
didates, II any, would withdraw and
what dark horse possibly can be united
on. 1t was understood that no repre-
sentative Of Governor Wilson's can
didacy was present at this conference.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
hearlno From Home.

Baltimore.-Delegates> from western
states are receiving messages from
the folks at home. telling them what
to do and some changes are expected
today.
National Committeeman Taggart of
Indiana was asked by an inQuiring
delegate this afternoon:
"Where are we heading?"
IL can't tell you--yet." replied Mr..
raggart. "As far as ! know don't
believe anyone Is in a position to say
what is going to happen"
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
True Enou0h,
True Enough.
Half the world don't know how they
live hemselves.-Life.
Mora Suitable.

At the Devon horse show o mot Of
Miss Eleanora Sears was retailed.
A very stout young woman, the
story ran. asked Miss Sears' advice
about her costume for q fancy dress
ball.
II think Of going az Helen Of Troy
she ended. do you think It would
suit me?"
Miss Eleanora Sears. surveying the
young woman's swelling contours with
O faint smile. answered:
Helen Of Troy--or. perhaps, donS
you think. Helen Of Avoirdupois would
be better?"
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
ficiary OF the votes turned away from
Mr.. Clark, had injured the chance OF
Wilson's nomination.
On Ticket to Stay.

Neutrality-suspicious. Under
wood put damper on the efforts to
boom him for the vice presidential
nomination by declaring he was in the
fight for first place on the democratic
ticket to stay
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
Hand Vacuum Cleaner.

For use with vacuum cleaner q
Massachusetts woman has invented .
glove. dust being drawn through
tubes inserted in It's palm. while small
brushes are provided between the
fingers to smooth down the nap Of any
fabric which the suction raises.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
Keep to Old Custom.

At the 600-year.old Audlem church.
IN Cheshire, England. the curfew 10
regularly rung. after which the date OF
the month is tolled. a survival Of the
times when no almanacs existed.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
Girls Use Stocking for Publicity.

Atlantic City, n. 1.-THE girls of the
high school here are advertising a
minstrel show by wearing one white
and one black stocking.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
Not 40 Poor.

New York, Mrs. Sarah Bell, blind
woman supposed to be poor, died and
II vas found that she had $4,000.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04

paign worked like beavers for the
nomination of Judge Parker for TEN.
porary chairman Is absolutely untrue.
They said that Clark support was di.
vided between Parker and Bryan.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04
NOTHING BUT RUMOR
FINISH OF THE CONVENTION NOT
VET IN SIGHT.
NO AGREEMENT YET REACHED
Deadlock the All.Absorbine Subject,
But Leaders Cling to Their
Favorite Candidates In
Hope Of Split.

Baltimore. Monday found the con.
vention apparently as far from agree
ing on a candidate for president as
one week ago.
When adjournment was taken for
Sunday 1t was with the belief that
some solution of the deadlock would
be found, but the conferences between
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04

LESSON TENT-Niark 3:c0-35
GOLDEN TEXT-"This is the 3udR-
mcnt that light Is come into the world
and men loved the darkness rather than
the light for their works were evil
John 3.l9.
The Red Cloud chief., 1912-07-04

Artie chokcs on artichokes
And writhes about in pain:
But Auntie dotes on antidotes,
And soon he's we'll again.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28
"victory" Got Dusty.

A WOMAN on Columbia road engaged
> @ new housemaid the other day. and
was Immediately delighted at the ex.
hibitfon of the new servants efficiency.
Norah waited on the table with perfect
mastery; she answered the front doorbeIl
with matchless grace; she never once
grumbled when told that she must wear
q cap; her busting was a marvel of ORDER
illness.
But the mistress of the apartment was
astonished. when the new maid had been
in the house about q week, to find that
her cherished Victory of Samothrace'
was covered with dust. The beautiful
headless body stood gray and unlovely
on its pedestal and the ''Victorys"
owner called Norah to see what the mat
ter might be.
Il can't understand this, Norah.' she
said. Everything else is kept SO spot
less How have you happened to neglect
the little statue. Have you busted 1t at
ALP"
Norah admitted that she had not, and
said no more.
But why?' the mistress persisted.
Why" And then, miserably, the maid
owned up.
.Tm a bit awkward with me fingers.
num-" she murmured. shyly. And I
saw how bad 1t was broke mum. and I
was afraid o. droppin' 1t an maxim it
worsei"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28
A Perfect Faith.

ltyY7 OMEN may be catty in little things,
W yet they have childlike trust in
each others honesty" said the man. IF
they hadn't they could never have sat
serenely through the situation that faced
several of them the other night at the
opera. I had a balcony seat Beside me
sat woman, who discovered, at the end
of the first act, that she had lost her
purse. She thought it had slipped to the
seat in front. The woman occupying that
seat stood up. shook her wraps and
looked under the seat, but couldn't find
the purse.
Still. 1t may be here some place. she
said. My bag has slipped down under the
seat in front Of me. I'll get 1t when the
opera is over
Then other women began to hunt for
handbags and purses that had fallen.
Some found them, others did not But no.
body seemed to mind. They had a perfect
faith that the things would turn up later,
and settled back TRANQUILITY for the second
act. Imagine a lot of men letting their
purses lie around like that. They would
have found their money before quiet was
restored If the opera had been delayed till
midnight
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28

dinner was over. George declared that he
would run over and take q look at his
own house. He wanted to wander about
the rooms q bit. to fancy how 1t would
look when Fortune walked at his side
He promised to return within an hour.
He had forgotten many things, ordinarily
important: such as wiring his agent, his
butler and cook. who were still drawing
their wages. He passed along the street
above which was his own. He paused
for q moment to contemplate the great
banking concern. And the president of
this bank was the elder brother of
Ryanne! Lots Of queer kinks In the
world: lots Of crooked turnings. He
passed on. turned the corner and strobe
toward his home, ecstasy thrilling his
heart. Lightly he ran UP the steps. Three
doors below he noticed two automobiles.
He gave them only a cursory glance. He
took out his ring of keys, found the
night latch and thrust it into the keyhole
He never had believed in this putting, up
Of iron gates and iron shutters. A. night
latch and a caretaker who came round
once a day was enough for any sensible
person. He turned the key. Eth? It
didn't seem to go round. He tried several
times. but without success. Puzzled, he
struck match and stopped before the
keyhole
1t was a new one.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28
Paying Their Fares.

EOUR girls boarded southbound bus
= on 9TH avenue, New York, the other
afternoon, and from their conversation
1t was evident that they were acquaint-
ances who had met after matinee The
bus jerked its way down one block, and
then the guard, with his little nickel
money box, stuck his head in the door
and looked about him.
"Oh, have just the right change
cried the tall dark girl.
well, 1 haven't any change and l
wanted specially to get some, SO please
let me pay" urged the little blond.
The girl with the red hair opened q
purse in which four dimes jostled spar
ingly against dollar bill.
DO let me pay them" she begged.
politely, II really would so much rather"
But l have the change, and that
makes it so much easier" insisted the
large brunette.
81 have the change, too" murmured
But won't you please let me get this
bill changed?' begged the little blond
again.
The girl with the red hair made a skill
full effort to extract the four dimes from
her purse, without showing that only a
dollar remained behind.
please let me- she said again.
The tall blond with broad shoulders
looked from one to the other of the girls
with change, and then across to the small
person who wanted some. and smiled,
blithely.
az don't know what you are going to do
about 1t, all of you,' she remarked.
But / know what i am going to do
right now. 1 am going to pay my own
fare"
She slipped a dime into the nickel
money box and the others sighed in re-
lief.
.'Then." said the tall brunette and the
little blond and the girl with the red
hair 80 shall ]"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28
Speeches First.

A FTEK steadfastly declining many in
"A vitations to public dinners, a man
astonished his friends by attending three
vegetarian dinners.
'.Are you a convertg' they asked.
II am not" said the man. II go because
the vegetarians have one custom that de-
serves to be encouraged. Their speech
making precedes the dinner. Anyhow, 1t
did at three dinners attended That is a
most commendable custom. 1t ought to
be adopted at all dinners. Everybody is
In q hurry to begin eating. and they don't
take time to meander through a lot Of
dull speeches.
II don't know why the vegetarians re-
versed the usual order. None of them
that l asked could tell. Personally.
think it is because they are so anxious
to get away and order a square meal
somewhere after their appetites have been
whetted by their own little snack that
they can't wait for the speaking. i may
be wrong. But the speeches are put out
of the way first. That is the main thing"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28
In Place of Meat.

THE man who had forsworn meat
wound up his first vegetarian dinner
with the accustomed tip. The next day
the service was different, the third day II
was abominable.
Whats the matter with that fellow,
anyhow he growled. He used to be
good waiter. Now he simply throws
things at you
That's because you didn't tip him
enough" said the man opposite. Wait
ers always expect bigger tips for serving
vegetarian meal. 1t takes such va
riety of things to make up for meat that
they have to handle more dishes, and
make more trips to the kitchen. Any
good waiter would rather serve one meat
dinner than two of vegetables, and unless
ne gets tipped generously he gets ugly. =
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28
EpistoIary Caution.

nMNORE the customer paid his bill the
p hotel stenographef tore several pages
out Of her notebook and handed them to
him.
ssOnly the notes Of his letters" she said
to the next customer. about once in six
months somebody comes along who keeps
such a watchful eye on his correspond
ence that he wont even let q stenogra-
pher keep his notes. OF course. it Is moth
ing to us, and we always give them up
when asked to. I don't know what the
cautious folk do with them. Destroy them
maybe Anyhow. there is no record of
foolish utterances left in the stenoGra-
piers books
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28
Short on Sugar.

RHANY horses that have been fed on
1V1 Jumps Of sugar will miss their ac-
customed sidbits for q little while.
THAT Is because the horse PRISONERS are
abroad said q woman. Every time 1
went for a walk used to take a bag OF
lump sugar along to feed the horses. but
now am afraid to. My intentions would
be perfectly innocent, brt there is no
telling how soon some one less guileless
might come along with poisoned sugar.
Then, IL anything happened to the
horse ] might be blamed for II. Horse
dealers and drivers everywhere are adj
vising animal lovers to stop giving sugar
to horses for their own good until tue
epidemic Of poisoning IL over"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28

One Of the recent cases reported to the
American Association for Labor Legisla-
ton is that OF the little daughter Of Mr..
and Mrs. Carl Nelson of Racine. Wis
Little Alice Nelson ate matches with
which she had been playing and WAS
taken dangerously ILL., Although a doctor
was called i'm by the parents, nothing he
could do saved her, and the child died in
terrible agony December 8, 1911. The
parents stated that 1t was q common &C.
currence for children to play with matches
in Sweden, as matches there are non-poi-
sonOus, Sweden being one of the coun-
tries where the international treaty con-
corning the use Of non-pOisonous mate
rails in making of matches is in force.
Two-year-old Griere Gipa, little son of
Harvey Craley Of York county, Pa, died
December from PHOSPHORUS poisoning.
Finding a box Of matches as he was
playing, he thought they were candy.
He put some of the heads In his mouth.
When the baby was taken violently i'll a
low died despite everything that could be
done for him.
On November 4, 1911, Ralph. the little
one-year-old son OF Mr.. and Mrs. Ralph
Bills of Fayette. Iowa. died from eating
match heads.
year-old daughter OF Mr.. and Mrs. August
Junell of Lead, s. D.. died ten hours after
sucking OF the PHOSPHORUS ends OF
DR.. Edwin X Woods little two-year-old
son died at Indiana, Pa. from phosphor-
GUS poisoning after he had put some
match heads in his mouth.
II is estimated that 1t would cost each
match user annually less than one cent IL
the Esch bill lis passed, which would re-
suit in everybody using the non-poAsonous
matches.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28
MENACE OF THE
PHOSPHORUS MATCH

-HAT numbers Of babies die every
] year as a result Of eating the heads
off of matches Is the statement made by
DR.. John B. Andrews, secretary Of thu
American Association for Labor Leg1sla-
ton. The Esch bill which would prohibit
the use Of poisonous phosphorus IN
matches came up on January 10 for a
hearing IN Congress.
While the dreaded disease. ''phossy
Jaw" or phosphorus necrosis. from which
match workers themselves suffer, is
pretty well known to the public, few
people realize that matches. except those
labeled on the box non-poisonous, con-
tain poison and often cause death, espe-
cially among children.
There are" DR.. Andrews said, mo
statistics upon which to base q statement
as to how many children die annually
from eating match heads. but we are in
constant receipt Of Information about new
cases. The indifference Of parents TO
this fatal poison is due only to their ig-
norance. It is safe to say that not many
people know that two match heads may
kill q baby"
+ X
Among the list of babies dead from
eating matcneS OCCUR many Aiohn "oaA
to-do families, where the children are
well cared for and protected from every
known danger. Except in families where
several servants are kept. it happens fre-
auently that little children are left in
a room by themselves. With their
mothers back turned, they are on the
alert for new ways of amusing them
selves box Of matches attracts by
the bright lettering. The matches In
hand. the most natural thing In the
world for any child Is to put them in the
mouth. They go on sucking any num-
Der they can get hold of-and then die.
The amount of poison in matches differs
with different makes. but 1t is safe to say
that one match OF any. poisonous kind is
a danger to a baby. And in spite Of this
matches are not labeled as poison. and
there is no Indication to the innocent man
or woman that with every box Of matchea
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28

enough poison to kill a score Of men or
fifty children is put on tho kitchen shelf.
We are safeguarded against poison
bought at the drug store by the law that
compels 1t to be labeled So we keep car
bolic acid, for instance, out Of child's
way as deadly. Common knowledge of
the power Of a loaded revolver safeguards
most of us there. And we lock up our
loaded revolvers. But there lis no such
safeguard against matches. Few know
they are poison.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28

Did that aviator friend Of yours have
successful season.?
Very. He more than made enough
to pay all his hospital expenses
Detroit Free Press.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-01-28

It matters little what 1t is that you
want-whether a situation or a servant
"a want ad in The Star will reach the
person who will fill your need.