The Alaska citizen., 1912-02-26

]
bad show doesn't draw twice in
the same place.
"Ycun have to change your act
somehow" said Goldenson. the Chi
cago agent. who closed the deal with
us. Give us something that We
can advertise big all along the line"
"Uh-huh," said Mike. Bob here
will think up something new"
That was the way with Mike; he
always passed the buck to me- and
sat back and let me sweat my
brain into a fever
was wondering what we could
do to liven up Mikes act when |
| dropped into Paddy F1aherty's place
in Chicago and found Bill Whalen
sitting at table and smiling over
some newspaper clippings. Bill was
an original sort of a chap with a
rough-and-tumble sense of humor-
one of those sidewalk slapstick COM
edians, whose jokes were usually
more physical than mental But
not a bad fellow at that
Stick around" says Bill. Stick
around, and I'll wrap up good
laugh for YOU and YOU can take it
home to the babies"
Then he showed me the clippings:
they were all from the want-ad sec
tons of the papers, and read like
this:
WANTED-50 handsome and cul-
tured young men to travel with
musical comedy show. Apply. in
! person, at p. Flaherty's place 29O7
-- Street, City.
| was surprised | said did not
know that Bill had gone into the
show business.
Sure said Bill You ought to
have been here this morning. We
had a regular parade of handsome
and cultured young men CIarences
and Oswalds and Percys oh, a
whole raft of them But stick
around. Therell be more coming"
Sure enough. in about five min
utes young man walked into the
| place with a copy of the lad" in his
hand. Bill met him with a smile.
shock hands. and, nodding to me to
! follow. escorted the candidate into
one of the back rooms, which was
walled off with thin pine partitions
! about eight feet high At the same
time one of FlaherW's bartenders
wiped his hands on his apron. and
! slipped into another of the back
rooms
| Bill asked lot of questions. and
wrote the answers down in a book.
Then he told the young man that
he had filled all the requirements,
and now all that was necessary
was to measure him for his stage
clothes.
First. want your height" said
Bill. Stand up here, please"
One of the partitions had a thick
black line painted on it. extending
upward from the floor, and Bill back
ed the candidate up against the
! line
Stand perfectly still" said Bill.
Your head against the wall-so.
Yes, would have said you were
about five feet seven inches"
Bang! And down went Mr. Chorus
Man, as if he had been hit with a
brick.
| 1t was quite simple when | saw
how it was done. There was an
other black line on the other side
of the partition, and the bartender
was standing there with a mallet in
! his hands. Both lines were mark
ed off in feet and inches, and Bills
remark about the height told the
bartender exactly where to land with
the mallet
A fine practical joke, but to me
it looked more like assault and bat
terry.
Have you killed any of these fell
lows YETI" | asked Bill.
No" said he. "Oh, no. Sim
ply stunned 'em, that's all. They
get up and walk out of themselves
| in few minutes"
But don't they holler to the po-
| lice?" | asked.
How can they" said Bill, when
they never know what hits EN-?
One fellow this morning apologized,
and said he was subject to fits"
And thet is how l got my grand
idea for the new feature in Mikes
act.
Well" said the Great Finisher at
dinner that night, have you thought
OF something good, kid?"
Better than that, Mike" said ].
Something great"
We'll, let's have it,"
I'VE will begin billing you" said
|, ito meet all corners, one man in
each town, any man who stays four
rounds to be paid one hundred dol
lars in gold How's that"