Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-10-17
Dinner Stories


After his brother had been in New
York a little more than a year, a
kentuckian decided to pay him a visit.
Hoping to surprise his brother, the
kentuckian did not apprise his brother
OF his Intentions. Arriving at $ o'clock
In the morning, he asked to be directed
to a good eating house. The taxicab
pilot steered his course for the largest,
costllest and most fashionable hotel
grfllroom on Broadway.
Being a stranger in a strange land
and hungry. n Bluegrass brother or
dered a regular home meal. When he
got the checks from the waiter its size
staggered him. He wasn't accustomed
to New York hotel prices.
After verifying the correctness of
his bin at the cashiers desk and being
insulted by the waiter for tipping him
25 cents. The visitor started out to
look for his brother, whose office he
found about l o'clock.
In response to his inquiry as to his
brothers whereabouts. a clerk aid
He's over eating at the Blank hotels
new grillroom.'
Go slow, friend, only II millionaire
could overeat at the Blank hotel. /
know. because l had breakfast there
myself this morning.
Three strangers were in the Pull
man smoker. when one of them turned
to another and asked:
"H-How f-f-f-far. is it t-t-too
-P-Pittsburgh?
The man addressed made no reply.
but got up and left the car The
sufferer then urned to the third
man, who gave him the Information.
A few moments afterward the third
man met the one who had left the car
and said:
See here! Why did you go out
without answering, when That man
asked YOU a civil question"
"D-D-Do you think l w-w-wanted to
g-g-get m-my head knocked off? 2" was
the answer.
Mark Twain did not cherish "A fond
ness for the average office boy. He
had an idea that the genius was in
sutferable, and invariably when the
humorist sailed forth into some busi-
ness office there was immediate
armed hostility between him and the
boy.
One day lark went to see a friend
at his office, and the office boy on
guard, in icy tones, said:
Whom do you wish to sce?'
Mark mentioned his friends name.
What do you want to see him
about?:" came next from the boy.
Mark Twain Immediately froze up.
and then with a genial smile he said:
Vi b'Aat bNoS = "CAbN ~ GA-A AtkS
hand in holy matrimony."
A colored attorney walked rapidly
into the court room, followed by a large
colored oma She had her sleeves
rolled up to h elbows n appeared
to have come from the washtub. Her
manner was business like. "Ah wants
said. The judge went through the
usual procedure He read the will and
asked h usual question. Then he be-
gan making the usual notations. And
when did he die?" the Judge asked.
"Jes' about a half hour ago. was the
answer.
When in England, Governor Foss, of
Massachusetts, had luncheon with a
prominent Englishman. noted for
boasting of his ancestry. Taking a
coin from his pocket, the Englishman
said: My Observation-Disclosures
was made a lord by. the king whose
picture you see on this shilling In
deed!" replied the governor, smiling,
as he produced another coin. What q
coincidence! My great-great-grand-
father was made an angel by the Indian
whose picture you see on this cent"
Luther Burbank, the wizard OF
horticulture" is subjected to constant
annoyance at home and abroad by OBJ
strusive and inquisitive strangers. He
was walking on the street in San Fran
cisco recently when one of them seized
him by the arm, captured his reluctant
hand and pumped 1t vigorously.
How are you. Burbank? How are
you?" he inquired effusively. What
miracle are you working on now?"
"Well-it's a secret" replied the exc
pert: but I don't mind telling you.
I'm grating milkweed on eggplant"
NVan-ryaoc v1y1notL 10 ~v~,. xx~- -
producer"
"Custard!"
During the latter part of the civil
war. Basil Gildersleeve lay one day APP |
parently at the point Of death, sur |
rounded by several members of his
family. Brother" he murmured faint
~, Il have. at most, only a few days to +
live, n when I am laid to rest I want
you to nav my new pair OF boots in
the closet yonder. I paid $3.50. confed- |
crate. for them, and you are sOrely in
need OF a pair" Instead of the ex- |
|pected burst OF gratitude, there was no
answer. Racked with emotion at the
thought OF his great loss. the brother |
was evidently too much overcome for
speech. Brother" persisted h future
Immortal" weakly. you mustn't have
any foolish sentiment about those boots.
I will never he well enough to wear /
them again, and 1t would be pure ex.