davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1912-01-26
LOCAL MARKETS

Her Caustic Pun.
Booth Harrington was talking in In.
dIaEapo.is about the stage. "There
were two actresses in an early play
of mine," he said. both very beauti
full. but the leading actress was thin
She quarlelcd one day at rehearsal
with the other lady. and she ended
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1912-01-26

the quarrel by saying haught5ty, Re.
member, please. that l am ths star
Yes. know you're the STAR TIE other
retorted, ey1ng with an amussa smile
the leading actress long. slim figure,
but you'd look better. my asar, it
you were q little meteor"
lmpudent.
A Pullman porter was diaRtie0ed
with the tip that All actor snd his
wife gave him.
The actor said to the porter when he
got OF the train at New York:
''Iiave you seen my baggage9"
"Yes." the porter answered, Jerking
bic thumb over his shoulder. ''She's
back there In the wash room maxim
up her face.''
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1912-01-26

tives to come to Montana ut the earli-
est posi- BILE moment. Hundreds Of
letters have been received by the
Great Northern immigration Depart
ment at st. Paul. asking the General
immigration Agent to kindly send
free literature to their friends back
east. These requests are always
promptly attended to as the Railway
is just as anxious to help the state as
any Of the other boosters. The good
effects OF the Montana State Exhibi-
ton 1T the Northwestern Land Pro-
ducts Show will be seen next spring
aud will exert favorable influence
for Il long time.
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1912-01-26
THE HALL OF FAME.

JOHN JAMES AUDUBON
Artist and naturalist Born near
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1912-01-26

"Miss Ella. was your bazaar sue
cess?" ''GloriOus! All the men had
to walk home. MeggendOrier Blact-
ter.
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1912-01-26

The pugilist who struck a preacher
claims to be IN expOunder Of the gos-
pei.
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1912-01-26

"I'm linking, muvver."
"What about, little mani"
"Have gOoseberries any legs, muy.
ver?"
why no, of course not, dearie. >,
A deeper shade fell athwart dearie's
face as he raised his glance to her.
"Then muvver, I've swallowed a
caterpillar"
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1912-01-26

1t won't do for a married man to.
say to his wife, "Never mind" She
is apt to take him ut his word.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
An Eye For an Eye.

a certain very attractive young lady
has a host of male admirers, among
whom is a rather handsome and viva
cious blue eyed youth. He goes much
Into society and is a hot favorite
among the nicer sex because of his
eyes. Alack. One Of them is glass.
But there is no need, as he says, for
every n to know that, and. really, it
seems so much the counterpart of the
other that not one in a hundred would
detect it. On occasion he escorted
the young lady in question to a re-
freshment room. AS they were taking
tea and coffee he looked unutterable
things at her, when all Of a sudden
h gave vent to a startled exclama.
don. Her eyes fixed on his with a
mysterious intentness and horror. A
dy had settled In the center Of his
glass eye and remained there. he, of
course, unconscious Of its presence.
The sight Of that eye looking at her
with a fly on 1t and the owner making
no attempt to brush it of was too
much for his companion. 1t overpow-
cred her.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Taken at his Word.

When Rossetti was a student Of art
he one day happened to 60 with some
fellow students to the east end of Lon
don. There at a wharfside inn he saw
an immense n on the barroom
wall. After laughing at it for some
time and thus provoking the innkeep-
er's wrath the following conversation
took place:
"Where did you get that picture"
"Oh, mind, young man, where
I got it"
"What price do you set on itT"
"More than you can afford"
"Indeed! said Rossetti. "Now, how
muchY'
"Three thousand pounds" replied the
%innkeeper.
At this there was a loud burst Of
laughter from the young artists.
"Do you know how much l would
give you for your $4,000 picturey
"How much?" asked the innkeeper.
'Three pounds" said Rossetti.
"Done," said the i%nnkeeper promptly.
And to his amaZement and amusement
MI. Rossetti found himself the owner
OF the colossal daub.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
ENGLISH INN NAMES.
Some Of Them Are as Quaint as Their
Origins Are Queer.

Some OF Them Are as Quaint as Their
Origins Are Queer.
Many explanations have been given
OF curious signboards for inns. The
Cost and Compasses is supposed to hy
a corruption OF q motto set over inns
during the Puritan period. Good ell
compasses u.s." Bag Of Nails of '"Rac-
chanals." Why Not and Dewdrop fran
are described as invitations to. tlls.
wayfarer: Bird in Hand and Last
House. Or Final. suggestions that he
should not waste his opportunities tc,
imbibe.
The Enll and Mouth is said to be. a
corruption Of Boulogne Mouth, captur.
ed by Henry VIII. Bull and Gate. II
is suggested. may possible be a similar
vulgarism for Boulogne Gate.
Great brttles fought and f~ortresses
taken are cOmmemOrated by Gibraltar,
Waterloo: Battle Of the Nile, and Ira
falgar. Adnrfrals range from Blake to
Napier. generals from Marlborough to
Wellesley, wellington. Nelson and KEEP
pei being the most common.
1t is surprising how many of the Mel.
son inns r buildings three or four
centuries old. showing that the inn
keeper was prepared to sacrifice the
sign under which he had hitherto done
business and trusted to make a new
reputation under the aegis of the popu-
lar hero."- Westminster Gazette.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Fell Four Thousand Feet.

A tragic balloon experience was that
Of Brownlow. Accompanied by anoth-
er balloonist. he made an ascension
from st. Louis in 1902. The balloon
rose rapidly to a height of about 1000
feet. At this point Brownlow leaned
owe the side of the car to adjust some
rigging. 4 sudden change in the wind,
a lurch of the car. and Brownlow fell
Over the edge Of the basket and. with
a cry that his aerial comrade said
would haunt him to his death. shot
downward toward the earth. The bal
loon. thus lightened. sprang upward
with a great leap. and Brownlow's com
panion lost consciousness. When he
recovered the balloon was in full de-
scent. and he managed to find the valve
cord and so debate it as to make a
safe landing. OF Brownlow nc further
trace was ever found.-New York Trib-
une.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
PEASANTS OF RUSSIA.
They Cans Read and Have to Be Aided
by Signs and Symbols.

They Can't Read and Have to Be Aided
BY Signs and Symbols.
All Russian shops have signs indicat-
ing the business carried on within
them. Most of them have paintings
describing the articles sold. For ex-
ample. outside the fshmonger's is a
large picture Of fish: outside the butch
er's. Of meat: outside the p~oulterer's.
OF chicken and game; outside the tea.
shop. OF teapots. glasses and saucers.
Houses are painted red. green. vel.
low. blue, so that the. peasants may
easily di%fferentiate them or explain
the way. Trains are sent Off by bells
at the station because the peasants
cannot read the time tables. The first
bell: n chime. Is a quarter of an hour
before the train starts: the second, W
chimes. IL five minutes before. and the
third. three chimes. means the train is
starting.
At p%ostotices men are employed to
write letters for peasa nts or read them
at IL fixed tariff: For addressing an en-
velop". one farthing; for writing a post
card or Il short letter. penny farthing:
Tor writing a long letter. twopence
haEfImnny. and for reading u letter
aloud. one penny. Every pillar box has
a picture of Il letter ON it, so that the
peasant may know it is the place in
which to drop his postcard or his en-
veloVe. Russia is. as II ruse. free from
blllDO rdS. Epra 1850 the nnHSnnt ccunot
read.-Lontlon Family Herald.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Jokinu For a BARGAIN.

Both II. G. Bunner and r. K. Mum
kittrick are dead. but when Bunner
was editor of Puck Munkittrick was
one of the star contributors.
Munkittrick was an artist at his bust.
ness. He knew how to write poems
and jokes-knew the mechanics Of the
business thoroughly and Bunne,
bought what he offered.
One day Munkittrick came in, sat
down at a desk and wrote nine jokes.
He took these in to Bunner, who &C.
copied them at 81 each. the regular
rate, and gave a credit slip to Munkit-
trick. who took it to the cashier and
got his SO. Two hours later Munkit
trick anne in. wrote three more jokes
and took them in to Runner. Flows
this:" asked Bunner. "Why didn't
you turn in all twelve jokes when you
We're in before?"
We'll" Munkittrick replied, lit was
this way: My wife found an advertise
ment in the paper this morning of q
bargain in refrigerators. We need a
refrigerator, and she sent me over to
get one They cost SS.95, and | came
in and procured the SO to pay for it.
When | got up to the store l found all
the refrigerators ut 1896 had been
sold and the only one l could get cost
$11.55. SO | came back to get the other
s. l need."-Saturday Evening Post.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Full Of Them.

II spent my vacation in Wiscasset,"
said Jerome s. McWade, the Duluth
capitalist. "Wiscasset, you know. is
famous for having originated the
phrase The woods is full Of 'em.'
"This is the story:
"A very deaf old man was shooting
squirrels down Wiscasset way. A
stranger happened along and said:
"tOld man, which is the road to
Wiscasset?'
"The deaf old fellow, falling to un-
derstand, answered.:
""Thar's one-thar's a squirrel-set-
tin up thar on that tree. See himT
"I didn't ask you about the squir-
rels.' said the stranger impatiently.
4 asked you. durn it all, which was
the road to Wiscasset?'
"'Yep.' said the deaf old huntsman
excitedly. Yep. thar's another, too.
Jest a-peekin' outen that knothole.'
"Then the stranger, losing his pa.
thence. roared:
"'You're a fool.
"'Ycp. the woods is full of EN- said
the old man complaceptly."-Detro
Free Press.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
A Shakespearean Abysm.

The late Andrew Lang had many
amusing tales to tell Of his treatment
by printers and proof %correctors. In
one of his articles he had quoted the
Shakespearean phrase, I'm the dark
backward and abysm of time" When
he received his proof he found a query
against the word ''abysm." Scribbling
the word shakespeare" on the mar
gin. he returned the proof, not unnat-
urally imagining that this would re-
call to the render the quotation from
"The Tempest" To his horror, Mr..
Lang found when he opened the maya
zine containing his article that his
sentence ran. "In the dark backward
and Shakespeare abysm of time"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Caught Many Suckers.

NEW YORK. Dec. 2l.-On q federal
indictment charging fraudulent use OF
the mails in promoting stock for mills
where linen was supposed to be made
in q day, six men were arrested yes
terday in q raid conducted by post
Office inspectors at the Office of the
Sterling Debenture company here.
The authorities estimate that the
yearly income OF the promoters in this
and other ventures has been more than
81, OOO, 600 and that nearly $40, 0O0, 600
of the public's money has been paid
over t them since they began doing
business.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
49, The -
Scrap Book
Rough Shaving.

Some time after Auguste Van Biene.
the celebrated cellist. settled in Lon
don lie made the acquaintance of that
irrepressible comedian, ]. l.. Toole.
The latter had conceived an extraordi-
nary craze for distributing safety RAJ
Eors broadcast among his friends and
promptly begged Van Biene's accept
ance Of one.
The distinguished actor-musician ac-
knowledged the gift with thanks. but
when he next met Toole the lacerated
condition Of his chin afforded ample
proof that the razor was hardly as
safe as might have been expected.
Toole asked to see the razor and at
once burst into a roar of laughter.
Dear me!' he gasped. "And you
actually tried to shave yourself with
that? Why. I've forgotten to send
you the bladesv
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Give Your Best.

There are loyal hearts: there are spirits
brave;
There are souls that are pure and true.
Then give to the world the best you have.
And the best will come back to you.
IT.
Give love, and love to your life will flow,
"A strength in YOU utmost need.
Have faith. and a score of hearts will
show
Their faith in your word and deed.
M. S. Bridges.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
He GOT THE PICTURE.


Tho Sporting Editor Put One Over OF,
the City Editor.
There is no more enthusiastic fol
lower of the fistic gentry than Charlie
Koran. Years ago he was sporting
editor Of u New York paper. which
later went by the boards. During his
connection with it the paper was run
upon the cheaps." Penny pairing was
the chief occupation Of the managing
editor. AS illustrations cost money.
nothing short Of a national disaster
could force a picture in the paper.
Koran was a firm believer in the
star Of Jim Corbett, then matched to
fight John l.. Sullivan. One day Cor
bett visited New York, and Koran
sent his staff out to get a photograph
OF the great man. None was availa-
BILE. Horah got angry. slammed on his
hat and announced that he would get
n himself. He found a full length
picture in the lobby Of the theater
where Corbett was showing. put it un-
der his arm and started back for the
Office.
In the meantime word had come to
the city desk that William Window.
then secretary of the treasury. had
died while addressing a dinner Of the
chamber of commerce in Chicago. The
city editor sent his men out to get a
picture Of Mr.. Window. BY and by
Mr.. Koran appeared, bearing an enor
nous framed picture under one arm.
II got it," he announced cheerfully.
"When l go after a picture l get it."
The city editor leaped for him. seiz-
ed the picture and then threw it down
noisily.
'That." said he tersely, lis not a pic
ture of the secretary of the treasury"
what do you care about the secre-
tary Of the treasury" replied Koran
defiantly. "That's a picture of the
next champion Of the worldw-Chica-
go News.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Wanted to Be Prepared.

A congressman tells Of a little shoot
ing party which he attended.
More than n of the party" said
the congressman. "felt d trile nervous
about a certain young Englishman as
he and his gun seemed strangers
Nothing occurred. however. until l fell
something poking me in the side as We
crept along. Turning quickly, / found
the novice prodding me with the muz
zle and fumbling with the hammers OF
his gun.
"'Hi. GUS he whispered. before We
get on to the birds you might just
show mi 'ow you let these ere trig
gers down!"-Boston Traveller.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Worked a Pun on tho Professor.

w q wv vi SU0 TUVt0OoVvs
Charles Edison. the artist. while a
student ut Kansas university was ask
ed one day by the professor Of philos-
ophy: "Mr. Edison, suppose the corpus
cles in the blood flowing along In your
veins had a consciousness, as you
have, would they not regard their rela-
ton to your body in much the same
way as o regard the universe in its
relation to you; might they not. too.
have a philosophy of life?"
"Granting a corpuscle had a con-
sciousness," replied Mr.. Edison. mo
doubt we would be as incomprehensi-
BILE to 1t as Is the universe to us. and
II as it doated along in our veins a cor
puscle formulated a philosophy no
doubt it would decide it had lived In
vein."-Kansas City Star.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
THE I RUSHED IN.

He did not thrash often, as his scowl
was enough to hush a whole school,
ness. One day a joiner passing along
the road heard the most piteous bowls
and cries for mercy and help coming
from the schoolhouse. Through the
window he saw Carlyle doing the fog
ging act in his most approved and
vigorous fashion. Jumping to the door,
the joiner rush in. handed his ak to
the perspiring Carlyle and exclaimed:
"Jist doo't ootricht, mon, and nc
mince matters"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Punishments In EARLY Days.

The following extracts from early
records give us a glimpse of some of
the singular punishments In vogue in
old New England:
I'm 1889 Dorothy Brown, for beating
her husband. is ordered to be bound
and chained to a post"
I'm 1913 the assistants order three
Stoneham men to sit in the stocks on
lecture day for travelling on the Sab
BATH"
I'm 1861 Anna. wife of George Ellis,
was sentenced to be publicly whipped
for reproaching the magistrates"
I'm 1858. for slandering the elders,
she had a cleft stick put on her tongue
for half an hour"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Onion Soup and Fame.

Membership in the French academy,
the hoped for reward of Gallo writer's.
vas once closely associated with onion
soup. During the restoration In France
a club was formed under the title of
"Diner de la Soup a pOnion." This or
ganization contained twenty members.
It met every three months, when the
dinner was opened with an onion soup
The club was to endure until every as
ISOLATE was elected to the academy
This was accomplished in 1S45. when
the last banquet was held.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
The Usual WAY,

"Papa," said Jacky. would you like
to have me give you a birthday pres
ent?"
Eyes. indeed"
Then now Is the time to double my
weekly pocket money. SOS I'll have the
money to buy it when your birthday
comes."-Pearson's Weekly.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
Nicely Turned.

Mrs. Peck-We have been married
twenty years today. John. John with
a sigh,-Yes. for twenty years we've
fought Mrs. Peck ,scowling,-Nhat ::
John municipalities battles together.
Maria.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25

When our hatred Is too bitter II
places us below those whom We hate.
La Rochefoucauld.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25
CARLYLE and the Ak.

Carlyle as a schoolmaster was a
terror to evildoers. Even the biggest
and boldest boys wilted when he
growled out Ounce or "blockhead."
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-12-25

Every age has its problem. by solv-
ing which humanity is helped forward,
-Heine.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1912-12-20

must make nm understandable telegram
Of thirteen words. using The characters
NJ the TOP OF the slips handed them
for the FIRST letter OF each word. To
thoroughly illustrate. take the nrst ex-
ample given above. Here Is a sneci-
mea telegram" from Il
Better go Kingston late Monday.
Try express Willie candy soldier. HOPE
orders rushing"
Note the sragmentary sentences, such
rs arc generally employed In CORE
spoadeucc Of this SOFT. The possibili.
ties for good humored fun in the COM
pillng If ''tecgrams" among q crowd
of friends are endless. But. of course,
they cannot be satisfactorily illustrated
in public print AS In any similar
game. care should be exercised In not
becoming dangerously personal.
At Grst glance the second example
of letters as given above tthe first thir'
teen In our alphabet might seem TO be
difficult of extension But such Ia not
the case In the wide latitude OF sense
land nonsensel allowable in the game
For instance. here is only one way out
OF the thousands in which II can be
quickly written:
ANY bright colored dress excellent
for Granville's hon. key joins kisses
Loving mother"
Upon completion the "telegrams" are
gathered up IN basket and read aloud
either by a dlsinterested party or some
body selected from among the players
themselves.
The only way TO appreciate the game
OF telegram" Is TO try it.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1912-12-20
JACK HoRNER Pics.
They Are Indispensable Features Of
Juvenile Christmas PARTIES

Trey are tnutsP30S@oie Features ot
Juvenile Christmas PARTIES
when there are many children in the
family Jack Horner pie is not bad
accessory to the Christmas dinner. Il;
Is pleasant way OF distributing indl
vidual souvenirs.
An appropriate Christmas center
piece OF this description Is huge snow
ball that looks like the real thing and
has twelve smaller balls In Il, each one
OF these containing present.
The ribbons by which the presents
are drawn out are Of different coiors
aud hang over the sides OF the big
SNOWFALL
More effective In color is an enor
nous ball made of mass of red Cow
ers. and from the center of each hangs
the ribbon attached to the gift-
Another Jack Horner pie In in the
shape OF a snow man so true to life thai
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1912-12-20

UH OMEMADE candies nre so whole
IN some that Whenever possible
n IT is advisable TO manufacture
tue youngsters sweetmeats
yourself then you know exactly what
are the Ingredients. and there Is no
danger Of their little stomachs being
endangered by too rich confections
These recipes will afford wide range
OF choice for the mother who desires
simple candies for the little ones
Christmas stockings or to OIL the bon
bon boxes that make such charming
souvenirs for the Christmas party.
The illustration shows one OF these
bonbon boxes. which is mnde to repre-
sent SNOWFALL with doll seated on
top. Both box and doll are lncased In
cotton, which II meant 20 represent
snow. A tiny branch of pine Is grasp
ed In the doll's hand Miniature Santa
Clauses arrayed In white make favorlte
decorations for boxes, which may be
shaped like houses or sleighs and COW
cred with Grape paper
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1912-12-20

Old newspapers for sslo at the
Record Office zoe rer hundred
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1912-12-20

he even has on the old hat and holds
a bundle of switches sAll around the
place whore his waist he ought TO be
are the ribbons by which the presents
nre removed from his capaclous int.
risr --------~-fI-.'----- 49,
sHiil another variety h the huge red
ccriu op.a Tint Is decolated with gold
pauer und holly berries bud Is suspend
--aJ from the chandelier over the table
the riDt0as hnGeipg within conVebien!
reach ~ tae guests
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1912-12-20

Advertise In The Record.
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1912-12-20
Notice for Publication.
(PubIisher.)

Department of The Interior,
u. S. Land. Office at Salt Lake
City, Utah, November 10, 1912.
Notice is hereby given that
Ralph B. Myres, Of Minersville,
Utah, who, on September 70,
1909, made Homestead Entry
Serial, No. O47O6. for W1NE4,
Sec. 6, T. 34S., r. 8 w., & S4SE4
Section 81, Township $685.,
Range 8 W.. Salt Lake Meridian,
has filed notice of intention to
make Final three-year Proof, to
establish claim to the land above
described, beforo the Clerk OF
the District Count, at Iarowan,
Utah, CT ii est da2 e Ioccm-
her, 1917.
Claim ~ ,ac r. ae 'l1ce|ts:
E. Il. i-c,eg, EtIr iGtley,
Taomag n Isroy .o"es, I'll
/ of Pcrcrtr. .tah.
Z l. K. Z. chi So /
Iron County record. [volume] (Cedar City, Utah) 1893-1982, 1912-12-20
Nut onintles.

Nut 1nfiy luke two cupfnis OF sug
ar. cupful OF niOlasses ana table.
spoonful of butter IL the molasses
does not molstcn 1t enough add a III.
tie boiling water, EOil until II can
dies In water without stirring When
done pour on buttered plate Oh which
two cupfuls OF nut meats are spread.
Nut Brittle Take u cupful OF gran
ulated sugar, cupful Of chopped nuts
and n bit of butter the size of wal
nut Melt the sugar mud the butter
and stir in the nuts. Pour into but
tered pan