davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
REbs.ECrIoNs OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press.
 The quickest way for man to get home in time for dinner is for him to be hum gry.
 When a girl will wear overshoes, she's confident she is good looking enough to risk it.
 What makes it so hard for a man to be good husband is he is perfectly sat- isfied he is.
 After divorce rumors the most interest ing thing in the village is the family wash on the line.
 The man who can abuse wealth the hardes. could stand getting it still harder fl the wealth was his.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
IN LOTUS LAND

BY TennysOH. There is sweet music here that softer
 falls Than petals from blown roses on the
 grass, Or night dews on still waters between
 walls Of shadowy granite, in gleaming pass; Music that gentler on the spirit lies, ' Than tir'd eyelids upon tir'd eyes; Music that brings sweet sleep down from
 the blissful skies, BIT Here are cool mosses deep, And through the moss the ivies creep, And in the stream the long-leav'd flowers And from the craggy ledge the pol
 hangs in sleep.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

would be. The engineer of today is therefore asked to rebuild many old lines. The hill section of the Louis vile and Nashville begins at the bounds of the Tennessee valley and ends at Calera, and the entire line through the hills will soon be rebuilt and fully modernized. The cost will be heavy, but every dollar will be
 well invested.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS WELL OFF

DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS WE'LL OFF From Norman F. Mack's National
 Monthly.
 An old gentleman who was in the habit of imbibing too freely was sitting one day on the veranda of village hotel at which he was regular border. When dinner was ready the dinner bell. large one such as are used on farms began to ring. A large dog happened to be pass ing by just then, and, hearing the bell. he stopped and raised his head as high as he could and howled nervously until the bell ceased ringing. The old gentle man looked at the dog moment as if disgusted with the noise he was making, and then said:
 What are you bowling about? You don't have to eat here"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
\ CASE IN POINT.

Tt takes all kinds of people to make world.''
 Yes, yes. That's quite true Two men or my acquaintance stood for an hour on street corner yesterday and argued about the new football rules"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
BROTHER BRYAN D0wNED

FTom tne montgomery AdVertiser.
 The editor of The Commoner hasn't fared very well in his attempts at dicta- tion to the House democrats, since the chairman of the ways and means com mittee has been in the ascendant. Every time Underwood and Bryan have meas ured lances for the past two years, Un- degwood has Won.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
STINGY.

STINGY. Advice he'd give, And gladly, too, But money-that He couldn't do. Whene'er he'd from A dollar part. The pain would almost Break his heart. At such a time, The neighbors say, His yelps were heard A mile away.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
OLD MISTER EAST WIND

D 4nisoi r4it EAoI W IND.
 The wind is in the east. That means grip, colds, sore throat, sickness and peo- pie generally feeling bad. When the wind was In the northwest and it was cold. people were feeling fine. There was but little sickness. Now the wind Is in the east and everybody will be getting colds and sickness. East wind always brings trouble. Always does. Even people in the olden times knew that. The Bible says so. The Bible gives a warning to look out for the east wind. The wind is in the east now. See if people don't get sick. Remarks of w. F. Carter of Clay Center, Kan, to reporter for the Clay Center Times.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

The earning power of the standard oil component parts has actually been in- creased by dissolution that did not be- low the surface dissolve anything.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
BELIEVES UNDERWOOD MAY WIN

 From the Washington Post.
 'T am for oscar Underwood for Pres ident," declared Harvey Jordan of Atlan- ta, formerly president of the Cotton Growers association and now represent ing the Farmers union, at the Raleigh. There is much Wilson sentiment in Georgia, probably due to the fact that other candidates for the democratic norni- nation have made little if any effort to win support I am for Representative Underwood, not only because of his abil- ity and availability, but because l think the time has come when the south should claim some honors from the democratic party. At this time Governor Wilson ap- pears to be in the lead In Georgia, be- cause he has an active organization, and his friends lose nos opportunity to keep his name before the public. But there is great and growing sentiment for Rep resentative Underwood. and l should not be surprised to see him nominated at the Baltimore convention
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

The Mexican unrest is fast reaching tn maneuverihg stage. Every regiment o this side is held in readiness to maneuver
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
NOT INTEpEcrrn

NOT INTERESTED, Is Piffles poor man?" 50 poor that he doesn't even take tn, trouble to read about the per capita cir culation of this country" OH, LILLIAN, HOW COULD YOU! (Ih1rst can only be allayed by water Lillian Russell)
 on, Lillian. have your shapely lips Ne'er slipped foaming fagon? Or Is 1t that your ladyships Now on the water wagon?
 Cincinnati Enquirer. f1e, fie on you, to ask fair Lii About the foaming f1agon, A perfect lady drinks her fill But never gets a jag on.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

The Rio Grande is serving to drfve dull ness out of the regular army.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

Champ Clark may have the strongest face among the presidential aspirants, but he has an opponent who his the strongest teeth.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
EXPLANATORY.

on, how we envy Emmaline,
 Who goes to work at half-past nine, Shes only stenographer,
 ButTshhh! The boss is loving her.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

The Manchu princes who have been re- ouested to go back to Manchuria con slider this the coldest winter in all or their experience.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

The baseball teams that practice next month in Fl Paso should carry suits of armor along.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

Dr. Wiley wants treating and tipping abolished. He wants the millennium on the spot and at once.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

The Ananias clubs throughout the coun- try should be federated.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

The hand that rocks the cradle is not the hand that hurls bricks at a suf- fragette meeting.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

Those who repudiate the groundhog will declare next December that Santa Claus is a myth.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
EVIDENTLY.

The Washable correspondent of the Fremont 0utah) Times is a full blooded Indian whose name is Willie Attogary. The Times editor values Willie's contribu- tions so highly that he publishes them ex- actly as written-as the following would seem to bear witness:
 Now is much news. But we had very cold this winter and we had wind storm last week. It is last about ? days, but had very nice day perhaps cold night every evening.
 We hope spring soon come and our people doing very nice so far. '"Mr. James Brown was organized Dra- matic troop here in last months and played several place now. It is good thing to have in our midst.
 And we had bad luck with our hay crop this winter perhaps some Indian may lost their horse seems too me. It famine for hay
 But there will be invitation dance next Friday. ."-Cleyeland Plain Dealer.
 UTTERLY RECKLESS. You can see at a glance
 That the Grizzly Bear'' For the people who dance
 Simply means T don't care.'
 SYMPATHETIC.
 ''Dinl1le was robbed by a footpad last night"
 "Tll bet the hair on his head stood up straight"
 "Dinkle hasn't any hair on his head to speak of, but he says the fuzz on his fuzzy hat stood up straight"
 DISCOURAGING A BARD. q have here, sir" began the meticulous poet. "a sonnet which l am desirous of seeing in print"
 why do you come to me, then?" asked the hard-hearted editor.
 'Why-er. you edit the Squidgeville Monitor, do you not?''
 Sure. and for that very reason your chances of seeing your sonnet in the Squidgeyllle Monitor are so small that they could not be visualized with the most powerful microscope eyer invented"
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

A Chinese revolutionary situation is sim ply unexplainable to the rest of man. kind.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

Aunt Della makes the pies while her nephew conducts the pie counter.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

A $l25,o monument to Grover Clevelan is to be erected at Princeton, and tn fund is practically subscribed for.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

Chihuahua should not attempt to be- come the Ulster of Mexico.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
POETS STILL IN THE LEAD.

Latest census returns indicate that In diana still has more poets than sani- tariums.-Chicago Record-Herald.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

No member of an Ananias club would be eligible to seat in one of Marse Henry's courts of honor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

No driver can be cruel to his motor truck. He may kick and cuff it but it will smile back.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

Molasses may be slow in winter, but it has nothing on the Lorimer investiga- tion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

So we grew together, Like to a double cherry, seeming parted, Hut yet R union in partition, Two lovely berries moulded on one stem.
 --Midsummer Nights Dream.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
ON PRESENCE OF MIND

tory experiment and results in doing everything badly and nothing we'll
 The man who cultivates presence of mind learns how to make himself agree able. Instead of remembering the bright answers he would like to make and the amusing anecdotes as he is leaving an entertainment (what the French call staircase wit'D, he thinks of and utters them at the psychological moment. He goes into company, as he would enter. upon game, alert and active. He keeps his wits about him and tries to do his best. Even if he is tired afterward as a result of his exertions he feels that it has paid; he has done something that was worth while and made the most of the moment. He is in strong contrast to the individual who goes through the' evening half asleep, waiting for someone to wake him up and amuse him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

Bernhardt is to come back in vaude- vile. A new York manager makes the announcement.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

Brockton, Mass, is going to hold leap year auction and sell 30 bachelors. The lists are published.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

The situation is alarming. There ought to be at least one sanitarium for every poet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

Nearly 100000 women will this year vote for President
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
To Miui,,i.e Crime

"The good peonle of Birmingham feel ashamed of Jefferson county's fTight-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
TRAPPED.

An honest man alone can laugh To scorn the fateful dictagraph. It nails the crook so hard and fast He wends his way to jail at last And there forlorn may contemplate What fell results on science wait.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

IT DOES. It takes a guy Whose purse is fat To occupy A city fiat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10
LEARNED HIS ERROR.

So you have fired that red-headed of flee boy?"
 Yes. And that youngster thought all the time he was a fireproof office boy"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

Chihuahua may be ambitious to become state No @ of the big republic. It acts that way at times.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-10

You can see at glance
 That the Grizzly Bear" For the people who dance
 Simply means T don't care"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11

The person who has a good supply
Of choice street slang can at least at
tract attention BY his words.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11
CURIOUS PRISON STATISTICS


The report Of the warden Of the fed.
eral peniientiary at Leayenworth.
Kansas. for the fiscal year ending
June Boz 1914 contains some inter
eating statistics IN regard 70 The oc-
oupations and religious procliyitIes Of
the inhabitants Of chat resort In
the prison are 1892 congcts. repre-
setting lsl occupations. We are
proud 10 note the fact That there are
only two newspaper men among the
number which shows AZ least thai
our brethren know enonsA To stay oH
the outside of such Place OF the
other lines Of business the bankers
have the uaenviable distinction oi
continuing ihe largest delegation sa
while the BARRIERS are close second
9lih 30 representatives NJ fairness
however. 4 should De stated ihat 2aa
bcl0ac % unclassified occupations
When O. comes 10 religious prefer.
enoes our BAPTIST friends carry off
The banner with za5 inmates, the OH.
er denominations being represented
a follow
Catholics. 2sl Methodists. 2z2
Presbyterian aa Episcppalian- 81.
Christian, ass Lutheran, s3 Hebrew
2l and twenty other faiths are rep
resented hy forty. six men,
While we are boasting oi the rec
ord made by Tire newspaper men ws
aFe sorry to observe that We preach
e haye them baai inst 4 litie as
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11
susrEaFoeE or TIE AKIN GANG

The supporters Of the Akin bin
have resorted to gross deception in
some Of the literature being sent out
BY ther committee Quotations
from one Of their circulars publish
"a in q recent issue Of the Oklaho
man makes The cost of higher educa
tion in normal schools in Oklahoma
appear higher than in other states
The trick is quite a clumsy one and
viii not deceive many people. The
total annual enrolment in other
states is taken and used in eompari-
son with the number OF students IN
actual attendance in normal schools
Of Oklahoma on Dec +. 1911 Now
as is well known there is only por-
ton Of the annual enrolment includ-
ed in the figures given for this state
as many teachers enter from the expir-
alton of their schools tnis spring up
70 the opening of he SUMNER schools
anter the normal schools thereby
greatly increasing the enrolment so
that there will be by the years end
nearly twice as many students enroll
ed in normal schools IN this state
Cthe same Is true elsewherel AS are
actually attending now Thus the en-
rolment of other states Is compared
with the fractional enrolment Of this
state TO our disparagement The
trick Is completed by using as the
basis Tor the calculation me total ap.
lnronrlations for the Oklahoma schools
total amount voted fcr BY Akin, tool
when 81 is wen known that the State
Board OF Education reduced the teach
ing force OF three institutions 90 as TO
reduce the annual expenditure almost
/ 500. .000.0U. Whether the calculations
/ ii lae article are correct We did rot
take time 10 ascertain AS the basis f.
wrong and made 50 with the thought
81 dcceiving the voters Of Oklahoma.
Like an school-killers, Phillips and
Shaw ncluded. they presume upon
1.-THE ignorance Of the voters 10 order
ito prevent the education Of the com.
/ mg citizenship oi our own sate- a
Norman DemocratT0pic
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11

there rs only one minister ~ the pfis
Bin THE pedagoenes contributed only
three to the prison population while
the printers are represented by eight
delegates
While these figures are interest
ing. b is Of course moi to be Inferred
that general deductions can be drawn
from them as TO ihe relative morality
of thc members of tie various profes
sions and religious seets. The sta.
tistics awe really more curious than
enlightening.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11
KANSAS ELECTION SIGNIFICANT

Comfort comes to democrats from
Tuesdays election in Kansas when
the seventh Congressional district
chose George A. Nicely. democrat to
succeed The late Congresscan Madi-
son bsa majority of about 1900
The republican candidate. Frank T..
Martin. carried only. five OF the fif.
teen counties ia The district Martin
vas a progressive but Il IS said that
all factions ID the party supported
him Whether thls Is true or not
the result Il sgnlfieantas al Indicating
me temper or republican Kansas in
the good year 1912. The seventh die
irici has sent republicans 70 Congress
since 1900. IA the older days when
ponulism fioufished & couuihuted
lhe picturesque Ieny simpson lo ha
collection Qf n5iisaal Legislators
great man was Jerry even 81 BE- vas
sockless
u would appear ihat lhe voters in
ihe seventh district have reached Tie
conclusion thar the sensible thing 10
do IS 70 send 4 man 70 congress Wh0
wil be n complete harmony Win ghe
party ihat Is unqualinedly committed
10 the progressive movement and viii
nor be hampefea therefore by affil|a.
tion with fhe party thai is domiaa ed
by standnatism. III slraws show
which way ihe wlud blows lot
more y0iers aba ager iha country afe
going 10 sake llsa same view
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11
.ALago eIRL. RaosLEM soLvED.

From ST. Louis comes remark
able story hat should bring enconr
agement to women who have long
battled with the .'hned girl' problem
It appears from the evidence thar
at least one family has found the key
to the problem and we have an idea
that their system IL capable 81 gen
eral application
A press dispatch relates that Chris.
Tina Nuernburg. has sent out invita-
lions to a party which win celebrate
TIE completion of her tenth year oil
service m the family Of Louis Gold.
man. Among the guests al che party
win be Goldman and wife and many
Or their friends Mr. Goldman is
quoted as saying
~ consider myself fortunate in hay.
ing the services Of a fine young wo.
man like Christina
II wouldn't miss @oing to her par
AZ Chrisina has been in our house.
hold since She was ia years old She
has travelled with Jus on our summer
vacations and she has been faithful
and true in serving u.s."
Deponent further saith that in all
her ten years service. Christina has
never even lhreatsned to quit her io5
She is proud Of her record and hei
employers are proud OF her
While the record isn't sufficiently
detailed to enable us to form com
plete picture OF the workings of the
Goldman household establishment. ws
must infer from the hlapy results ol
the system thar both the Goldmaas
and Christina have had part in it
We suspect that Christina has beer
faithful aud true and that she ha.
been treated with the consideration
that was due her as member o.
\ the household. II appears that shi
has been measured BY ssandars
based on her true worth as a worke
and her character and not by tni
prevalent silly idea Of social" stand
ing and tlAt Christina has merite'
s..oh f..., f,,,ara
Is there any good reason why suel
relations should NOT always exist be
tween employer and employe IN th
4 household? Is there any reason VII
household service should no; be as Al
tractive to a girl as work in the store
office or school room? We see none
except the foolish notion Of social
standing. Domestic service is jus
as honorable as any work that a We
man can perform. and with employer
like the Coidmans ana more girls lik
/ Christina The artificial barrier tha
has been erected between the girl
who render household service an
those for whom they work should b
in fair way to be obliierated
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11
sUeecRlpTfoN RATES.

One year, delivered BY carrier $3.50
Biz months, delivered by carrier 240
Three months, delivered by carrier l.20
One month delivered by carrier Az
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11

Our advice to public entertainers
is that they repeat fresh and up-to-
now" stories.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11

ne e. s. Davis Of Hinton belongs
tho distinction Of being the early
bird among the political aspirants Of
the season. He hadn't decided what
he wanted 10 run for al the tine he
made application % the secretary oil
the siass election board but evidently
he had made up his mind 10 run for
something and he didn't intend to
take any chances on being left off Of
the ticket Davis was informed that
ahe would have lo ale his application
between April - and June 81 as re.
auired by law Sill he has succeed
cd in serving notice that he is in
TIE game
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11

About the easiest way to win sue
Jess Is to do what your hands find to
IL
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11
A LIsEaAL OFFER.
We GUARANTEES to Relieve Dyspepsia.
" We all the Medicne
Cnatr Nnininu

To uaqaesiioaably prove 20 the peo-
pie .ha, Indigestion aud dyspepsia can
be Permanently relieved and that Rex
all Dyspepsia Tablets will bring about
this result. we viii furnish the medi-
cine absolutely free II it fails to give
satisfaction 10 any orc using it.
'ihr rcmagkahle success of KeSah
Igsrcgsla Iah.e.a is due 10 The high
cc-Iea of scientific skill used in dc.
gisirs lheie formula as yell as to tie
care exercised Is. their manufacture.
whereby the Well-snoSs properties Of
Eismu,h- Sahallraie ana hela;in have
bpca combined with Carminatives aad
asheg aaeais
Risuuh. subai.ate and repsin are
constantly employed ard recognized
by tl.c entire medical procession as liz
valuable IN sse treatment Of indises
ton and dysnspsia.
The reas.n rsel ii Rexall nysaen.
sin Tablets is carefully prepared 50 as
TO develop les greatest efficiency.
pensia supplies to he digestive APP
paratus one Of the most Important ele-
men;s Of the digestive nuld Without
it the digestion and assimilation cf
food are impossible.
The Carminatives possess properties
which aid in relieving ihe disturb
anccs and pain caused by nndleestea
food This combination Of these In
grel'enis makes a remedy invaluable
for the complete relief Of Indigestion
/ and dyspepsia
We are So certain 81 this that
we urge vou to try ReAall Dss-
pepsia Tablets en- cur own personal
guarantee. Three sizes. q cents
so cents nnd steo Remember. sou
can obtsin Eexali Remedies only
at our siofe The ReXail store
"A. ]. Brownson. Chickasha. Okla.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11

Remember it was Thursday, Jan
IT. 1912 when the big drill started in
the Rock Creek oil field We await
with interest the returns. u they
strike "ilenweli yon can just pic
lure :, fer Yourself Look out for a
boom
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11

standing reputation
person. corporation any
gladly m being brought
the 0 management
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1912-01-11

About the easiest way to win sue
cess IS 70 do what your hands find to
do.
You win have TO work always. III
you amount to anything above medi-
oerlty
After conference, two young lad
les Of the city, have decided not to
marry for love
Our advice to public entertainers
is that they repeat fresh and up-to-
now" stories.
The person who has a good supply
Of choice street slang can at least at
tract attention BY his words.
IL is our belief that more men are
good conyersationalists than the wo.
men allow to exercise the talent
a fellow we know IS always saving
his money for a rainy day bu. It ap-
pears that It is always raining in his
circle
Just as long as there are dyes and
patterns, no woman win wear the
same color gown in the same style
two seasons.