Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-10-10
This Man Doesn't Want a Perfect Wife

Talking about perfect women said the man who was chewing
a all i w ~aitsd'f to hiteh to q perfect pmfSsf wouadnt be many Marriages If we
Now. I don't meal to pass any back-handed compliments by
women no that we'd never hd enough of 'em to tie to, but I'll go on
a drug on the market Femininity would be too blamed monotonous to
keep a man awake and taking notice.
,,ua And ssns while I'm about "srtd it. l might "a well say that ne man in his
perfect around him. It makes him feel too blamed small.
,ro nMGw' 1 Im not IS saying nsr ! a a% tol like a. "a good T sn s j. ID. q Lear
some women so awful good that everybody else WI bad compared
as some-but | don't want it jabbed into m e every minute by a wife
why, if a wife were perfect: you'd know what she "a going to
do or think ary, minute u in me ne day She wouldn't have you guessing ss M
time; when every days a cut and-dried AFFAIR.".
her, or argue a point ~ You'd Just lay down and let her go ahead
"a aGf s y0V wsrs 20 perfect sas sh H'd bbs 8 b hs same 20 al fq the IN tme a the
same, talk the same. Might as well be married 0 a phonosraph
"say-she wouldn't come t breakfast m mornings with her
cheek because she didn't stop to comb out the kinks. And she'd be
kitchen to help clean the sup per dishes. or keep me waiting for
dinner while she gathers a piece of neshborhood news from a late
wasn't there when I left in The mornins.
mind to say that wouldn't m ind if she'd spent twice that a long
come from. She wouldn't enter tain me with all the gossip of the
community nifty and and her r. w e ssn ment thsreon-sn of which a man
She wouldn't l tn wnee IDLE %e into my evening clothes for dinner s1 par ar.
own good . get out and meet people, when what she wants is to
Talking about wheeeing-say whatd a a do if he didn't
have a wfs that tnst W wh sef ed WIN My ! adn ut = N i. things wars o > pSspess
woman she wouldn't do it She's the dandiest wheedler 1 ever knew.
go smoother in m homes. A man likes to be wheedled and the
woman that's imperfect enough 10 know how II do 1t right gets
about what she wants. This business of hitting a fellow the
head with a club may be self respecting, but 1T don't get many
returns. "E.
Now supposing a woman were perfect not only in her nature,
but in looks Say-theyd all ook alike, wouldn't they? Huh!
Now 1 want my wife to look different from the others, How'd 1
tell her apart If she didn't?
MY wifes tall and thin, L m short and fat As far as looks go
were not a perfect match. But gee whiz! She suits me as she is
and If she were perfect she woul dnt.
"She powders her face and wears a switch, and she pays 80
for her corsets. If she were per feet she wouldn't do any of those
things and I'd be money in Pocket, but who ares? 1t keeps me
interested making the money to pay for em, and she doesn't look
alike 35 days in the year.
she hasn't got a perfect dis position. We disagree about some
things, and she's wrong a s often as am. But If W e always
agreed, whered the spice of life be?
Sometimes she's sick, too, Ind / rustic around to get her toast
and tea. And sometimes she has the blues and cres EN- out O n my
coat collar and then she's the bessedest of all, though she isn't
pretty when she cries. At'-
"Say, whatd W men do with a perfect wife, anyway? I'd
shine alongside one, wouldn't L?
TT makes me feel creepy all v er o ven think of having one IN
the house. Gimme the woman that's just plain human and I'll guar
antee % stand her faults if she'll stand mine"