Martinsburg statesman-democrat. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1906-1921, 1912-06-21
A
DIAGNOSIS
By WILLIAM C. ERNST

In mlnluS camp III SolOidoo NaiicN
Jlmdandy, there being no doctor, the
people lived In state of anxiety.
WHEN onv ono rot sick those about the
n.,,ont d,d not know what 70 do in
- -. "a tho-o rr,s M ono
- -, -. .,,,,,
on "hon ~ '"'0" 49,.
lty. A committee was seHs o'ei :"
Hutton, where there were TWO DOCTORS
with orders to try to persuade one OF
them to practice in Jimdandy.
DR.. Farmecute was induced to take
a new field, especially as DIR. Thorax,
the other practitioner, bothered him
by disputing his diagnosis and treat
ment in every case. II Farmecute said
a man had typhoid fever Thorax de-
clared he had the humps. If Farme-
cute gave a sedative Thorax sneered
and said that he needed a stimulant.
Therefore DR.. Farmecute accepted the
new field with the proviso that If his
diagnosis or treatment were ques-
toned by any one and he shot the
obiector he was not to be prosecuted.
The committee accepted the condition,
and the doctor hung out his shingle in
Jimdandy.
There had been but half a dozen
cases of illness in the town in a year,
though they had been worrying ones
to those who took care of the patients.
The hanging out of a doctors sign
seemed to have a peculiar effect on the
inhabitants. While it had not occur.
red to them before that there was any
thing the matter with them, now every
person who passed the doctors office
and read his sign felt compelled to
consult him. But woe betide any one
who ventured to disagree with him as
to the disease from which the patient
suffered or the treatment. One morn.
ing Tim Hickson was passing the doc
tors office when Jim Ferguson came
crashing through the door, forwarded
by the toe of the doctors boot.
whats up, JIM" asked Hickson.
"Why, l consulted the doctor for
sore throat, and he told me the trouble
was in the stomach. | said / could eat
well enough III GOulu yet
down, but | couldn't swallow, where
upon he hustled me out"
Served you right" said Hickson.
1.-THE doctor came here with the stipu-
Iation that he was not to be disputed
professionally"
"If that's so how am l to get even
with him?"
well. If YOU want to get revenge
you'd better tackle him on some other
subject. If you insist on throat trouble
when he says your stomach's wrong
and he shoots you he's not to be pun
ished."
Ferguson passed on, rubbing his
bruises and trying to think of a way
to get even with tue doctor. 1t was
evident that in Il professional way
Farmecute had the people of Jimdandy
with him. In any fracas in that line
they would favor him, and the result
would be to the discredit of his pa
tent. Ferguson brooded over his
treatment, but his throat got well of
itself.
One day he went back to the doc
tors office-this time he had his gun
with him-and said:
Doctor, I'm sick. 1 reckon I'm go
ing to die"
"Where does the trouble lie?"
"Oh, l don't know. I'm no diagnoser.
That's for you to find out"
Il didn't mean that | want you to
tell me what's the matter with you. /
want to know your symptoms"
81 haven't any symptoms
Then you haven't any disease"
Yes, l have"
The doctor had turned away, and
when he saw the patient again Fer
guson was looking at him from be-
hind the muzzle of a revolver. His
own gun was in drawer in his med
icine case, but there was no opportu
nifty to get it If Ferguson objected.
I've got a frlghtful disease, and l
want YOU to tell me what it is
How eau l tell you without know
inc, vo,,r svmntoms2"