The Washington herald., 1912-12-08

of the costumer and the advice of sew
eral would-be actors. he is now befor
us Here, at last" he says, Il am at tn
scene of my early conflicts. My pilgrim
age is ended. Below me lies the plain o
Armageddon. My old eyes are dim. bu
courier approaches"
Jonathan Bourne cantered in astrid
stick. on which was a horses head
I'm Jonathan Bourne, jr.," he explained
Independent, Progressive. Democratic
Republican. and war correspondent of L
Fonettes Weekly" Presently ''Chaml
Clark" galloped gayIy in. also astride I
stick. and announces that he is the wal
correspondent of the Commoner. There
upon ensued this conversation:
Conversation with saul.
Champ-What may your regular occu
patton be?
SAUL am a king and have stood
many times at ArmageddOn.
CHAMP-ThiS is great. I'll get you Il
report the battle. Signed article and al
that write IL; you sign IL. Bully head
lines: As seen by a king-One OF then
does the battle of ArmageddOn for tbs
Commoner-Special by wireless-DelayeC
in transmission"
SAUL don't understand.
CHAMP-NObCdy does. You answer
questions and I'll do the rest. Name
please?
SAUL-My name is Saul.
CHAMP-First name and middle initial
SAUL have none.
CHAMP-But you've got TO have FIRST
SAUL rather fancy Theodore. II
means the peoples rule.
CHAMP-It's out OF fashion. We must
do. Woodrow w. Saul. one of our best
known kings; hOw's that? Politics. please
SAJ-L~What is politics?
CHAMP-POlitics is having the nOmina'
tion Cinched and seeing the other fellow
get il.
SAUL-I have no politics.
CHAMP-Then you are not a king You
are either Senator John y. Works
Charles R. Crane. or Prof. Willis Moore
Some Reports from the Battle.
Henry Cabot Lodge, war correspond
ent of the Munsey newspapers" next ap-
peared
How goes the battle, brother" asked
Saul.
Field Marshal Dixon" was the reply.
has moved down Field Marshal Nc.
Combs with a harvester machine, and
McCombs has poured hot statement
into Field Marshal Hnles. and Hilles has
hit Dixon with some majority claims"
Saul looked puzzled. Il don't under
stand" said he.
"Well." was the answer nobody has
got anything on you in that"
When Clifford Pinchot'' came gallOp-
ing in-the horses head on his stick was
beautiful blue-he announced that Gen.
Perkins needed more ammunition. He
has sent me for fountain pen to write
a check" he explained. amid laughter
How goes the battle. brother asked
Saul. For answer, Pinchot gave him a
pair of opera glasses. Saul put them to
his eyes, big end first.
Wonderful" he exclaimed. Il see a
large stout man who appears to be pour
ing Standard oil on troubled waters"
That's Boise Penrose."
But how small, yet how near. he
seems"
you've got the glasses wrong side
foremost. You don't look through them
that way until after November >
Then this dialogue:
sAUL-who is the man on the big
horse?
PiNCHOT-Thars not a horse; that's
IODGE-Nho are the two men hanging
on his flank?
BOURNE-They are Adam Bede and
John Harlan. the truth tellers.
SAUL-DO they tell the truth?
CHAMP-Say. mister. you're not a
king; you're the court jester.
Carnage and the Tariff.
After Henry Watterson' had rushed
he left yonder field the Democrats of
the House of Representatives were trying
to arrange the tariff schedules and the
carnage was frightful there were more
sounds of battle, and the war correspond
ents gazed steadily through their glasses
Then the conversation was resumed as
follows:
SAUL-Look. look. There on the spread
ing plain the cOmbatantS clash and slay.
To the right the general on the antlered
animal dashes toward the large general
seated on the putting green. Many men
with strange weapons follow the bull
moose.
PINCHOT-They are the tennis Cabi-
net.
BOURNE-There is a man on the side
lines who seems TO be sitting on a money
chest.
CLARK-That's Thomas F. Ryan.
BOURNE-Why does he sit there idle?
CLARk-He's waiting for the battle
TO end so he can settle all unpaid bills of
the campaign.
WATTERSON-Is the man who is
and waving his arms a dervish?
LODGE-NO; that's Senator Joseph NJ.
Dixon practicing for his appearance be-
fore the Clapp committee.
SACL--Who are the nine men surround
ing the large mani
BOURNE-They are the members of
the Taft Cabinet. -
SAuL-Why are they not in the battle?
BOUR URNE-They will get into the battle
just after ii is over.
Not Dawn, hut Ham Lewis.
There was a loud burst OF laughter a
moment later when some one observed
that the dawn was breaking.
''oh. no." was the reply. that is not
the dawn. That is Col Jim Ham Lewis
Then. instead of Joan of Arc, Albert J.
Beveridge was discovered disguised as