davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
A Birthday Toast.

There Is no modern instance for
which a wise saw may not be found in
Shakespeare, apt and to the point; the
move we REJECT on his wondrous works,
the more we are lost in establishment
at the depths of that unfathomable
mind that has given volume to the
world containing passages quotable in
relation to every occurrence Of life,
and poetry of such excellence as may
challenge the combined talent of men
to produce its equal. Without Shake
speare our dramatic literature would
have taken a respectable station in
modern Europe; with Shakespeare it
is supreme-invincible; our drama
challenges all the world tasteless and
semi-barbarous as it was, he converted
it into a feast of reason for men of
education and refinement. (Cheers.O
The age Of Elizabeth may we'll, indeed,
be called the golden age of literature
when it could boast Shakespeare.
A contemporary, who lourished with
him-Ben Jonson-has said that man
could not be poet without being a
good man OF our bard he has also
said that he was of an honest, good,
an dopen nature. For myself, | can
only say that love the man and hon
or his memory in the fullest sense Of
the words on this side of idolatry.
(Cheers) l give now "The immortal
memory of William Shakespeare. =
From a speech made by Benjamin
Webster, London comedian and actor
manager, at a Shakespeare festival
dinner given at the Town Hall, STRAIT.
ford-on-Avon, April 26, 1853.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
Gosthe's Birthday.

An amusing story, taken from BODIES
book on Goethe, appears in a Paris
contemporary. In August, 1918, Goe-
the went to Carlsbad for the cure, and
placed himself under the care Of DR..
Rehbein. One morning when he rose
he requested Charles, his domestic, to
place a bottle of red wine and a glass
in each of the two windows in the
room.
Then the poet walked round and
round the apartment, stopping at each
window to drink a glass of wine.
When he had nearly emptied the bot
ties the doctor arrived. All" said
Goethe, you are come. Do you know
It is my birthday" NO." said the
doctor, at is not your birthday. 1t
falls tomorrow"
Only the production Of the almanac
could convince Goethe that he was a
day out in his reckoning When he
discovered his mistake he gave vent
to strong expression which Scott
puts in the mouth of Capt. Manly
Ewart, and, after long pause, turn
ing to the doctor, said: Then have
got drunk for nothing"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
RECORDED QUEER BET
LOSER PAID GUINEA A DAY FOR
THREE YEARS.
Made Wager with Clergyman Based on
Expectation Of NapoIeon's Death
and Finally Was Released
From Il by a Jury.

"One Of the most curious bets I
ever heard of was made in England q
hundred years ago." said Angus Nc
Oregon. an attorney Of Edinburgh,
Scotland. at the Belvedere.
THE wager was between knight,
who was also member of parlia-
ment, and clergyman. for in that
day 1t was not considered scandalous
for dominies to put up their money
fair to the preacher, however, to say
that the other man did the banter
ing, and this was the knights singu-
lar offer: That If anyone of crowd
present would put up 100 guineas
(something over 5000 he would give
to such person one guinea day dur
ing the remainder Of the lifetime OF
Napoleon Bonaparte.
I'm making such an extraordinary
offer he evidently thought the great
Corsfcan had but few days to live.
Before the others in the company
could recover from the shock OF the
strange proposal the clergyman shout
and then and there the wager or deal
was contaminated, there being wit
nesses to the act OF the minister in
putting 100 guineas into the challen-
gers hands.
"A splendid bet 1t was for the rev
erend gentleman, but miserably poor
one for the other, who had to surren-
der guinea every day and this he
continued to do for the better part OF
three years. Along toward the close
Of 1914 the knight wearied of his los
ing game. AS you American say, he
began to have cold feet. At first he
tried to beg off, but the parson would
not listen to his entreaties. A bet
was a bet he commended, and the fact
that he was ahead to the tune of some
900 guineas made him not in the least
compassionate. Boney might live a
good while longer and that daily rev.
enue was very sweet.
"As a last resort the knight refused
to pay any longer, and the parson
brought suit before judge. Eloquent
and learned counsel spoke on both
sides, but 1t must have been that the
advocate for the defendant knight pro-
duced the most convincing argument
in telling the jury why his client
should not be made to pay any longer.
"In the first place." said the law
yer, his client had not in the begin
ming made the bet seriously; 1t was q
sort of ocular proposal, but once be-
ing made the proponent was too game
to back out. Secondly. it was con-
trary to public policy to give legal
sanction to such a bet. Napoleon was
Britalps most dreaded foe and for a
British subject to have a procuring
interest in prolonging the enemy's
life was horrid and untenable
thought. The jury took the same
view and freed the knight from fur
Their payments. "-Baltimore Ameri-
can.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
All Fond of WALKING.

Quite the whole Supreme court can
be seen walking in Washington. Chief
Justice Fuller was too old to walk, and
he rode, but Chief Justice White DEAR
ly loves to walk, and is usually seen
in company with some of his Associate
Justices, Holmes, McKenna, Lamar,
and now Pitney, who promises to use
the streets of Washington as often as
his distinguished predecessor, Justice
Harlan. And since he requires some
coaching from the Chief Justice, 1t Is
natural to see him in Justice Whites
company Justice Hughes is also Oft.
en- seen walking on the streets Of
Washington.
The diplomats like to walk. Ambas-
sador Bryce, as typical of the English
man he is, never misses his daily walk.
The cabinet men are also fond of walk
ing, and especially Secretary Nagel
and Postmaster-General Hitchcock.
The Italian ambassador is frequently
met with his daughter, the Donna Be-
atrice Cusani. The Turkish ambassa-
dor likes to promenade Connections
avenue with his daughter, Nile. Zis.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
Young Financier.

It appears that there is more or less
humbug about the traditional slowness
of the messenger, the fabulous lazi-
ness of the office boy-and all that
sort of stuff. At any rate, there is q
young fellow in Cleveland who may
be said to be abreast of the age in
which he lives He works in a down
town office building but he has a
rapidly growing account in a savings
bank.
The other day our young hero went
to his bank to make a deposit OF 81
cents. The teller, with more than his
customary haughtiness, informed the
boy that the bank would not receive
deposits of less than 81. The kid
didn't waste any time arguing about
it. He walked over to the desk, wrote
a check for 81 and presented it at
the paying teller's window. 1t was
honored, of course. Then the little
fnaneier said:
# wish to deposit $3.50"
And that deposit was accepted. And
the teller ground his teeth.
Haec fabula doeet-that you can 90
posit cent II you have an account
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
The Best Woman.

Miss Susan B. Anthony, the social
reformer, had no more bitter oppo-
nent that Horace Greeley, the famous
editor and journalist 1t was for a
long time his custom to wind up all
debates with the conclusive remark:
1.-THE best women l know do not want
to vote"
When the New York constitution
was being altered in 1867 Miss An
thony laid trap for him. says a BIZ
ographer She wrote to Mrs. Greeley
and persuaded her not only to sign a
petition herself, but to circulate the
paper and get 800 signatures among
her acquaintance.
In committee Mr.. Greeley, who was
chairman, had listened to the debate
and was prepared to introduce to the
convention an adverse report. He
was Just about to utter his usual set
tier" when George William Curtis
rose.
''Mr. Chairman" said he. II hold In
my hand a petition for suffrage signed
by 800 women Of Westchester, headed
by Mrs. Horace Greeley"
The chairman's embarrassment could
hardly be controlled. He had found
! that one Of the best women l know
! wanted to vote.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
Sneezinu as an Omen,

The only attention we nay to a
sneeze at the present day is to en-
deavor to get rid of the chill which
causes it; but sneeze in the days of
old Greece was matter of great con-
Germ and import.
There was then a god of sneezing,
and great undertakings would even
be abandoned If man sneezed at an
inappropriate moment, the act being
looked upon as the oracle of the god.
A sneeze between midnight and
noon was looked upon as a fortunate
sign, but between noon and midnight
it betokened great misfortune. To
sneeze to your right was lucky; to
the left unlucky. Two or four sneezes
were lucky, one or three very IN
lucky ard any undertaking in hand
should if possible be abandoned; more
than four sneezes did not count.
There Is a saying in many parts OF
England today: "Once a wish, twice
a kiss, three times a letter, four times
something better" If people sneezed
together 1t was a good sign, particu-
larly If they happened to be discuss
ing business.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
SUBSTANTIALLY TRUE.

Local pride Is strong in almost every
breast This aneodote shows how it
may be satisfied without actually over
stepping the bounds Of truth.
You see thin mountainsl" the
jaunting car driver exclaimed The
tourist admitted that he did see them.
Trims the highest mountains in
Oireland"
"You don't say sol" the tourist said.
"Oi do, sir, indadei An you sec thin
mountains" the driver went on, flick
ing the whip toward another range.
"thim's the highest in the wurruld!"
The tourist expressed hts increduli-
ty. Surely not!" he protested.
"Sure, It's true" the driver retorted.
bridling, "exceptin', av coorsa for
thin in Turin parts."-Answers.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
Got Riaht One That Time.

"Crack" went the baseball bat. and
"crash" went the big windowpane OF
a kosher butcher In East Eighty-sixth
street as the ball found its mark. says
the New York Daily Mall.
Like a flash, out darted the butcher
and with multitudinous outcries start
ed in pursuit of half dozen small
boys, who were Logging 1t for dear
life in the direction Of Carl Schurz
Park.
His chase would have proved fruit
less had not a policeman, by one OF
those miracles that occasionally hap
pen, come around corner just ahead
of the fugitives and proved nimble
enough to grab one of them.
The prisoner knuckles in eyes, pro-
tested that he hadn't done nothin +"
and there was growing doubt as to
the value of the capture until pow
erful female voice descended from an
upper window across the street. say
ing:
Dots do boy! Dots de boy! hat
him myself seen from my upstairs
window down."
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
Feed the Brute.

Did you put up many preserves last
fall?"
mo, intended to, but there were SO
many new novels to read didn't have
time"
my dear, take my advice. You will
get along much better with your hus-
band IL you give less attention to cur.
rent fiction and more to currant
jelly."
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14

EXPLAINING WHY ONE LIVES
There Are Times When Logic and Do
votlon Require That You
Should Be Dead.

The Dominic had another observa-
usual thoughtfulness. Did it ever
occur to you" he asked, that one Of
the hardest tasks a man may have to
perform, sometimes, Is to explain why
he is alive? The necessity has arisen
after certain battles, and it may arise
after shipwrecks. Several of these
men whom we are awaiting may find
1t awkward tomorrow to explain their
continued existence. The world re-
quires certain adherence to the log
ical necessities of things, and when
all logic, human and divine, has de-
manded that a man should die, and
he is nevertheless alive and well, the
anomaly of his healthy presence Is
something that he cannot account for,
with all his explanations.
II was an army chaplain once, and
/ saw a captain, whose duty as the
was to stand by that generals side
when the bullets few. 1t happened
that q bullet-two bullets-three bull
1ets-struck the general, and none
struck the captain. The general fell
dead; and an hour afterward, when
the captain was back at headquar-
tiers explaining that there was urgent
need Of reinforcements at the front,
and that the general had fallen. that
captain had great trouble in explain
ing why he was not shot, too. In
fact, the mystery has never been
cleared up yet. The fact that rein
forcements were not needed at all
has always clouded the captains
story, though there was no positive
proof Of cowardics against him.
mo; when logic and all the laws of
human devotion require that you
should be dead, you had much better
be dead than alive, for all the rest
Of your life will be but living death"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
INSTRUMENTATION Woodstock.

INSTRUMENTATION Woodstock.
No. -Mixed-Except Sunday
7:01 a. N. Local for Harrisonburg
Arrive Harrisolburg 1915.
No. Daity-1:10 p. m. Local
for Harrisonburg. Arrive Harrison
burg 2:55 D. m. Buffet Parlor Car.
No. I3-Except Sunday-7:29 p. m
Limited for Harrisonburg, stopping
at Edinburg, Mt. Jackson, New Mar
ket and Broadway. Arrive Harrison
burg 900 p. m. Buffet Parlor Car.
No. 2I7-Except Sunday-S:55 p. m
Local for Harrisonburg. Arrive
Harrisonburg 1925 p. N.
EASTBOUND-fr Woodstock.
No. l4-Except Sundays: 800 a. m.
Limited for Alexandria and Washing
ton. Arrive Washington 11:55 a. m
Buffet Paflor Car.
No. % -Daily-4:26 p. IN. Local
for Alexandria and Washington.
Arrive Washington $40 p. m. Buffet
Parlor Car.
No. 216-Except Sunday $40 p. m.
Local from Harrisonburg to Stras-
burg. Arrive Strasburg S:45 p. m.
Nos. - and IA connects at Manas-
sas with Nos. Ill and liz to and from
W arrentOn.
No. IA connects at Manassas with
Main Line Fast Mail Train No. 43 for
principal point South.
Trains PIT and Is in connection with
Main Line Train No. 10 between
Orange and Manassas affords good
service from Richmond via G. u o.
Railway and Gordonsville.
E. Fl. CoAPMAN, Vice-President and
Gener al Manager.
S. II. HARDwICK, Passenger Traffic
Manager.
Fl. T. CARY, General Passenger Agt.
L. S. BROWN, General Agent, Wash
ington, D. G.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
Paradoxlcal Display.

Miss Mary Garden, at dinner at
Sherry's In New York, said of beau
tiful girl who was wearing one OF the
ultra-deco1lete dinner gowns Of the
1912 season:
When you see, q pretty girl In such
q low cut gown - that you have
remarkable paradox before you-the
paradox Of q person who displays
simultaneously very bad taste ana
UoY Dpoa foem.s
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
The Old podue,

Brown has refused to give US an
extra days time to meet his bill. He
says it's been running long enough"
"Didn't you tell him we'd give him
check for the full amount the day
after tomorrow
II did. He said that wouldn't do.
He wanted Il in the morning"
"All right. Mali him a check today,
and forget to have 1t signed. There's
more than one way of stretching credit
II you have to"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
Where tho Danger Lay.

Poorman-When you call on Miss
Apologize. beware Of the bulldog. or
you'll get nabbed.
Richman-That's all right; the bull
dog and l are good friends. It's Miss
Applegate I'll look out for.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
Associations.

I'VE have won many men to our
way of thinking against equal sui.
frage."
"Oh. nobody doubts It Is easier -
~ mea interested h tho a1AA"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
Mot That Kind

Patience-That woman does love
canaries SO!
Patrice-Any one would suppose
she was a regular cat, to hear you
talk.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
If You Want to Drive, Come Here

am now running FIRST CLASS
LIVERY in Woodstock with my hotel
can furnish you teams you will en-
10Y driving. Good horses and Lice
eouirmenl. NOTHING CHEAP LOOKING
about any outfit which leaves my
stable. Pr'ces reasonable and good
service.
J. w. HOLTZMAN
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
SHENANDOAH HERALD

ADV EET1S1NG RATBQ
Advertisements will be inserted
at One Dollar per square Of ten
lines or less, for the first insertion
and so cents for each subsequent
Insertion.
H1 Quarterly or yearly adver
tisements by contract.
FTUnless the number OF inser.
tons is marked upon the manu-
script, advertisements WILDE pub.
lished until forbidden and charged
accordingly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14

II you think constipation is Of trifling
consequence, just ask your doctor. He
will disabuse you Of that notion in short
order. Correct it at once!" he will
say. Then ask him about Ayers Pills.
A mild liver pill, all vegetable.
Made by the J. c. AVER CO Lowell. Masa.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1912-06-14
SOUTHERN RAILWAY.
Premier Carrier Of the South
7 IEuII0I NdI M VI VIZ ~ - -
Schedule between Washington, Alex
andria, Woodstock and Harrisonburg
In Effect May II, 1912.

N. B.-Following schedule figures
published only as information ano
are not guaranteed.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1912-08-30
Cuttlefsh.

Senator Penrose makes the direct
charge that Theodore Roosevelt profited
by the expenditure of $l25, 900 Stan
dard Oil gift to his campaign fund in
1904, and authorized his campaign
treasurer to extort an additional $780,
600 from the oil trust, which refused
to be bled second time.
The Colonel defends himself by cal
ling Mr.. Penrose a cuttlefsh. and pro.
ducing couple of his own letters
which he says establish thauhe prohibi-
ted Standard Oil campaign gifts in
good faith.
Mr.. Penrose's accusation is strength
ened by the Roosevelt letters, which
bear evidence of having been concoc-
ted, as an afterthought, for the pur-
pose of concealing, under pretense of
good faith" the Roosevelt alliance
with the Rockefellers.
As Mr.. Roosevelt says. the case ap-
pears to be cuttleishy But the cuttle-
fish, instead of being Senator Penrose,
is, on the face of developments to
date, Theodore Roosevelt. Chicago
Journal.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1912-08-30
Indian Killed on Track.

Near Rochelle, ILL.,, an Indian vert
to sleep on railroad track and was
killed by the fast express. He paid
for his carelessness with his life. Often
its that way when people neglect
coughs and colds. Don't risk your life
when prompt use of DIR. Kings New
Discovery will cure them and SO pre-
vent dangerous throat!or lung trouble.
1T completely cured me. in short
time, of terrible cough that followed
severe attack of Grip" write j. r
Watts, Floydada, Tex. land regained
Is pounds in weight that | had lost. =
Quick, safe, reliable and guaranteed.
SOC and 81. Trial bottle free at +. A.
Clemmer's.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1912-08-30

lily, but tell them Of my good friend,
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, and that there will be no back
ache and bearing down pains for them if
they will take it as have. am scarcely
ever without it in the house.
81 will say also that think there is
nobetter medicine to be found for young
girls. My eldest daughter has taken
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound for painful periods and irregular
ity, and it has helped her.
81 am always ready and willing to
speak a good word for Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound. tell every
one meet that / owe my health and
happiness to your wonderful medicine.
Mrs. j. G. JOHNSON, Scottville, Mich,
RID. 3.
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, made from native roots and herbs,
contains no narcotics or harmful drugs,
and today holds the record of being the
most successful remedy for woman's ills
known,
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1912-08-30
Mrs. Rollins and Mrs. Moran.

People in all parts of the country are
coming to knowtof one grand remedy
for stomach liver and bowel troubles,
including the worst cases of constipa-
ton and Indigestion. Mrs Minerva
E. Rollins of Dewey. ILL.,, and Mrs. l..
Moran of Kansas City. Kan, towns
nearly a thousand miles apart. agree
that the remedy is DR.. Caldwell's Syr-
up Pepsln, the.great herb laxative com
pound. 1t is absolutely guaranteed to
do what is claimed for it. and if you
want to try it before buying. send your
address for free sample bottle to
Pepsin Syrup Co, 1l9 Caldwell Bldg,
Monticello. Ill. II is sold by all drug
gists at SOC and 81 a bottle.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1912-08-30
Roosevelt VS. Roosevelt on Oil
Donations.

l wish to reiterate that until Mr..
Penrose made his speech l never had
heard it suggested that Mr.. Archibald
had contributed to the campaign or
been the means through which any
contributions had been made.
From statement Aug. %, 1912, in
reply to testimony of John D. Archi-
bold.
Dear Mr.. Cortelyou: l have just
been informed that the Stand -rd Oil
people have contributed 500, 600 to the
the campaign fund.
From letter to George B. Cortelyou
dated Oct. 26, 1904, and published by
Roosevelt Aug. "a, 1912.