Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-11-28

you would like to know.
Just send your check and leave it to
the correspondence school.
THE NEW ONE.
Have you seen the new derby,
The n that is fiat
And looks like q fried &
Instead Of a hat?
But still the hatmakers
Are nowise afraid;
Some boneheads will wear
Anything that 10 made.
-
THE WAY TO RICHES.
Myrilla was a chorus girl.
Who had her youth n health.
But like a lot OF others, she
Was rather shy on wealth.
She labored in the rank and file.
She had no line to speak.
She was one Of the mob and got
lust twenty bones a week.
She p%racticed night and day upon
A new and flashy dance.
She had invented 1t herself.
At last she got a chance
To try it out in vaudeville.
1t wasn't yer nice.
So managers a bids on 1t,
And boosted up the price.
TIL papers knocked her little dance
And said it vas not AT.
1t was indecent, 80 they said.
There was no doubt of 1t.
Five thousand bones a week she got
And she was made a star.
She owns a chateau by the sea
And a hundred horsepower car.
She's. got a splendid rope of pearls
And diamonds by he pound.
All gifts from princes. dukes and earls
Who keep a-hangin' round.
She's got to Quit the dancing game
And tackle h legit
Ambition calls for Shakespeare now,
Sure! she will make q hit.
OUR MODEL APARTMENT HOUSE
We are about to expend our accum-
ulated dough in building a model
apartment house. The house will be
seven stories In height and will ac-
commodate 81 families. Following are
some of the improved features:
Patent dining room tables that may
be turned into beds upon the slightest
propagation. Tenants will not have
to have n furniture.
Beer bottles hat will give the milk
man q distinct electric shock when he
tries to take them II of the ice box.
Noiseless horseless piano in every
lat IL IOdT Tue MUSIC tnOSC III Ino
HAT Will have to use rubber tubes aft
err the of the old-fashioned
monograph.
We will have a ubiquitous janitor
who can be in all of the 81 flats at the
same time. He can shake a rug on
the seventh floor and stoke the fur
mace in the basement at the same in
slant.
The elevator will be at all of the
seven floors at the same time.
PERSONAL.
Link: The best place to have a boil
ts on your father-in-law or your un-
Gle.
Fond Mother: Name the child Ahab
and then nobody will ever be able to
find an unpleasant a~bbreviation for 1t.
Collector: The 25-cent piece you re-
fer to has a value. It 10 worth a quar-
Club Woman: We have received
your letter. Among the books we
would recommend for your reading are
a good English grammar and Web
ster's dictionary.
Anxious: The best way to be sure
and not fail in the literary profession
is to stay out Of 1t entirely.
ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER.
Miss Pansy Perkins has gone east
to see q beauty specialist. It seems
that Miss Perkins was helping with
the family washing last Monday and
being quite nearsighted. stopped over
to see IL she was feeding q peek-a-boo
shirtwaist through the wringer proper
ly. Her nose was caught in the wiring
er and considerably flattened out be-
fore she stopped turning the crank.
MI. Ansel Hanks has bought q new
home and lot in the last year on his
salary OF SO per week in the feed mill
and has paid cash.. The board Of trus-
tees Of the Hardshell church has asked
him to r%elinquish his position, which
Is that Of passing the collection plate.
The board passed a resolution praising
Mr.. Hanks integrity and regretting
that his services u be dispensed
with on account OF his health. Here
after Rev. Hudnutt will pass the plate
himself.
FALL FASHION HINTS.
Any lady car make a nifty fall hat
u Of a bird and a portion Of an old,
discarded portiere. any color.
Skirts will be so tight this year that
any woman will be able to make two
of them out Of a pair Of her husbands
trousers.
Johnny coats will be very much in
vogue this fall. You can make one
out Of an old horse blanket and three
large cast iron buttons. The cut "a
similar TO that Of . bathrobs.
Automobile fire engines will soon =
n service I'm Bangkok. Siam.