New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1912-11-29
THE DIGESTIVE CRAWL.

An eminent food specialist who has
devoted much study 10 the digestive or
cans has solemnly eXhortcd all whom It
may concern to abandon a perpendicular
position after meals. He has discovered,
so he AYERS, that the only sure way of
getting food 10 asslmiIate quickly IS 20
crawl about a room on all fours. When
he says "al' fOurs.' IL IS not made quite
clear whether one IS to adopt the I'M
fantile method Of progression, which Is
10 60 upon the hands and knees, or
whether the correct attitude IS 10 walk
on the palms Of the hands. using the
feet I'm the usual way, which, Of course,
places one az an entirely different angle,
giving one. I'm short, a kangaroo-.ike
effect Perhaps Il does not much matter
how one does it so long as one is' so
10 speak. in the fOur-lcgged attitude,
which IL said TO be an iufallible means
of promoting digestion But assuming
that the discovery is every whit as ELL
caclous as this French specialist AYERS
il IS not quite easy to see how we are
To exercise ourselves. Apparently there
is much that we have yet 10 understand.
Tor example. much depends on the inter-
val of time that may be permitted be-
tween dinner and the digestive crawl.
SupUosc ones dining hour 20 be O'Clock,
would il do TO perambulatc ones CudIh-
her on all fOura In the dcad waste an"
middle of the night when on. would MAJ
urally De more suitably atured Tor tne
exercise and when one would be abIe 10
enjoy urivaryg III il Is necessary 20 Ial
up0n ones hands and knees, or one
hands and fe"t-as the case may De u
rcctly after dinner, IN order 10 MAKE 'he
process Of digestion complete, then an
entirely new aspect Of the cure presents
itself We fOrcsee many dlniCullles, 10
say nothing Of the humOr OF the sllua-
ton Even assuming that the scene u
private house, at which guests are btIls
rutrrtaincd To dinner, what is to happen
one wonders. when IL Is obvious that tut
meal rs over? Is tho hostess. instead h
collecting eyes, TO signal 70 tH' ST.
wants 20 clear the room Ana ~ snu
Indication to her guests that they tdhc
their digestive crawl or, Is she 10 tahe
the ladies with her To creep Iouhu ''it
drawing room, While the men 90 tli''t
all fours exercises alone Ana thtu, "tal
is 10 happen In restaurants? WIZ u pc
come necessary for all our smart hotelS
TO omen crawling rooms or supposlms
this new medical dlCtum 10 be Benerauy
accepted, shall we be expected Cor,u,
populo" to 20 round Louis QuatorZe anI
Georgian dining rooms I'm this undlSnlHtd
attitude? The picture presented TO the
minds eye of flushed matrons ana STOUT
elderly gentlemen crawling rouhu W
evening dress i'm the attitude OF a cat
! being approached by dog scarcely SUE
gests dignity. TO Say nothing OF CONT"
! Having dincd well, though most WISELY /,
will even the llthest Of us ever feel IKE
| letting good digestion wait on our dppe-
! lite i'm This fashion? II might not De un-
| reasonably suggested that the remedy
was worse than the disease and that
/ the fortunes OF dyspepsia would be IN
| fnitelv preferable to the discomfort anu
| degradatlon OF grovelling about the moor
! after an excellent dinner. There ls only
| This much 10 be said In cNtenuatlon OF
such behavior. it would presumably Place an
| every one In the same ridiculous position;
Ststesmen. digrltaries OF the Church ana
| legislators would all look much alike on
| ali fours. But the disconcertlng moment
would arrive when everybody stood up
right again. What a painting, disheVeilel,
shamefacod crew would have TO lace eaGd
otheri But possibly crawling suits Woulu
/ Iacope fashionable, I'm which case ap-
| uearances might be somewhat saved: