The Wagner leader. (Wagner, Charles Mix County, S.D.) 1912-1912, 1912-02-23
LITTLE STORIES OF LIFE
STATEROOM SIX-BY WILLIAM ALBERT LEWIS.
COPYRIGHT HY SHORT STORY PUB. CO.

after the witness had stated his name.
oh. I'm a supply" h witness SAID
"A what?"
"A supply. l fill in at different pull
pits when the regular mans away"
Have you n other occupations?
Yes. sir. I'm substitute driver OF a
huckster wagon"
"when did you last see the late
Thomas SmiA?"
o the 18th Of December
Looking about as well as usual, was
he?"
"A little paler."
Where was it YOU saw hin?
"Qh, 1t was at his funeral"
Walter Teagle, the ~precocious youns
man who at 33 years of age has been
made vice president of the Standard
Oil company, was once Dy
the big kerosene corporation with the
task OF hiring a new ~Stenographer Tor
a minor place in the Standard offices.
Teagle had acquired some of the Stand
ard spirit of conservation of waste. and
he agreed heartily when he was told
that $40 a month was enough for the
task that the new stenographer would
be required to perform.
The applicants included all kinds.
&1oSI VI tlttIA. Iol otS ASdSoh VI Sat-
other. would not do. AT last appeared
an ill-favored but energetic looking
young creature who sized up as a pos
sibility.
How much money would you want? ?"
inquired Teagle.
WELL" she replied, II believe / could
make myself mighty useful for SIS a
month";
Useful for SIS a month"; repeated
Teagle, thinking Of the $40 limitation.
Anybody that gets SIS a month on
this job will nave to be not only use
full, but wonderfully ornamental as
we'll"
Michael f. Conry. Tammany CON
gresham from New York, is a double
of Charlie Murphy, of that city. The
other day a tall, dark stranger ap-
preached Conry in a washington hotel
lobby and greeted him with:
"Hullo. Mr.. Murphy"
But I'm not Mr.. Murphy" declared
Conry.
Quit your kiddin'," said the strang-
er, haven't l seen your pictures?"
"Oh, l KNOW" explained Conry, with
much patience. and politeness, were
frequently taken forN each other, but
nevertheless l am not he. Obviously
no one would know better than I do
whether ! am or am not Mr.. Murphy,
~ l. ASdhy I'LL Sou ~ IidhAAiS q
mistake TO the point. / am Con
gresham Conry. But even If l were
Murphy-which. as l say, I'm not
possible object could / have in in
sisting that I'm Conry? What have
you got to say to THAR"
Well" remarked. the stranger. with
a yawn, II knew blamed well that you
weren't Murphy, for 1 know Charlie
well. But you sure are a ringer for
him, and I thought I'd just take a min
ute Of your time to find out who in
thunder you WERE"
Senator John w. Kern, OF Indiana.
recently ave a fairly satisfactory ex-
PLANTATION of his whiskers.
1T is a mooted question: said Kern.
what comprises personality. Some
say that the eye is the windo of the
soul. Yet a man who has lost his eyes
may have just as much personality as
any one. It's the same If a man loses
a leg or an ear. He is still the same
But with whiskers it is different.
A man who has worn whiskers al his
life and then suddenly ceases to do SO
is not the same man. He may be Just
as good a man, but he is a different
man-juSt as If he were to change the
shape of his nose or the color of his
eyes. Therefore no man who has worn
WhiSkerS as long as / have should part
with them entirely if he would retain
his self respect. He may trim away the
edges. but if he goes too far he treads
upon sacred ground. He is tampering
with the wondrous works of nature and
he might az well begin to use rouge and
perfumery.'
Victor Murdoch, the Kansas insur-
gent, has a line of talk as fiery as his
hair, and when he goes on a lecture
tour he pulls applause out of his audi
ences as easily as a magician pulls a
rabbit out of a 81 derby.
This is the tale of the friendly tip
that showed Vic the way to becom-
ing an orator:
Some years ago when he first began
to make public speeches, young Muir
dock grew discouraged. Nc matter how
many good stories he told, or how
many appeals to patriotism he sprung,
his audience was as cold and unre-
sponsive as a dead whitefish. Applause
was as scarce as the monday sun in
Pittsburgh. Vie wondered why. He
analysed his speeches in manuscript
and they seemed mighty good, regard
less of the way audiences tool them.
He asked his father to go over one of
his speeches and see what allied it, and
his father agreed that it was good.
The mystery of the non-applauding au-
Gience became greater than ever, and
Vic" began to wonder If he was being
plotted against. One night after ad-
dressing a political meeting, "Vic" was
riding to the nearest railway station
with che proprietor of the local livery
stable.
People didn't applaud much, did
they?' commented the driver.
NO; not much" VIC was forced
to aamit.
You said some pretty good things.
too" went on the driver.
Then, why didn't they applaud?"
asked young vic" Murdoch, eagerly.
Well, for one thing" said the driy-
er, you didn't give EN- time. 1 was
ready to start the handclappin' there
several times, but before / got a chance
o went right on to somethin'
else"
You think I'd be all right IL I'd lust
talk slower, them
mo; 'twasn't just that. I'll tell YOU,
I've listened to a lot Of these fellers
that come here to speak, and l notice
that when they spring any big names
they put 'em in the hind part of their
sentences. You start out to talk about
Lincoln, Grant and James G.. Blaine.
and then you end up by telling what