The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1912-04-18
THE ADVENTURE OF
MIR. JOHN JACOB JOYS
Ludicrous Predicament of the Fellow Who Tried
to Get Even With His Neighbor.
Uncle Arch's Practical Joke

was a farmer. He was eccentric.
He was scary, that is, in plain par
lance, he would run at the drop OF a
hat and actually drop the hat him.
self. He would make every one call
him by his full name, adding Mister
thereto, making his agnomen, MIR.
John Jacob Joys, nothing more, moth
ing less. At night he was scary, in
deed, for if any one called at his
door. it was Mrs. John Jacob Joys
who answered the call. He himself
was as mute as a clam till the caller
was recognized. Sometimes, however,
he would venture at night as far as
Uncle Arch's, a near neighbor, but
he would have to muster up much
latent courage to do so.
Uncle Arch was veritable imp OF
mischief when devilment was on
foot, that is to say, having fun of a
rough nature at the expense of some
innocent person. For miles around
everybody knew Uncle Arch to be
just such a person, and when any one
wished to engage in having fun OF
a rough, oak-bark nature, Uncle
Arch was the oracle sought, verl-
table Delphian in suggesting and di-
vining devilment of high, perhaps,
low order.
In those days of the long ago in
which I write, when the crops would
get foul with grass and weeds, it was
advertised, that is, put up, or rather
pretended to be put up for sale.
Some one would make signboard,
tack thereon something like the fore
going, and put it up in the grassy
field by night, on the grassiest plot
of land in the field.
By a decreetal order of General
Green, presiding judge, it has been
decreed and ordered that the crop
herein shall be sold at public outcry
on next Monday at the court house
door, the same being legal sales
day, purchaser to pay for papers, al
so for clearing the aforesaid crop of
grass and weeds.
When the owner of such a field
saw this notice in his crop, he would
''cuss'' things blue, but would proceed
manfully and clear the crop forth
with of grass and weeds. Such
notice has saved many grassy crop
that if left alone would have been
total loss, but no one relished having
a crop thus advertised.
For years Mr.. John Jacob Joys had
nurtured in his heart of hearts saw
age grudge against his neighbor,
Bill Smith, and the aforesaid Mr..
John Jacob Joys had never before had
a chance to vent his spleen upon the
aforesaid Bill Smith.
Bill Smith was an expansionist, for
that year he had increased his crop
acreage amazingly, and during the
growing season it rained steadily for
a full month, and at the end of that
time Bill Smiths crop was as grassy
as a meadow.
Now, here was a chance, an oppor-
tune time for Mr. John Jacob Joys
to even up in full, with overdue in
terest, the long standing debt of
malice against the unfortunate Bill
Smith. Mr.. John Jacob Joys, how
ever, was in great fear of Mr.. Bill
Smith; for Smith was boss of the
barnyard in his beat, and to commit
such an outrage alone, upon such a
bully, made Mr.. John Jacob Joys
chicken-hearted, indeed. But MIR.
John Jacob Joys saw succor and re-
lief in Uncle Arch. His refuge and
strength lay in this mighty maker of
mischief, and to him he repaired and
unbosomed himself, to this worthy.
When Mr.. John Jacob Joys had
made known the mission of his visit
to Uncle Arch, that old mans eyes
were ablaze, twinkling like unto the
asteroids before wet weather. His
whole phisiognomy was aglow with
merriment, and of course he then and
there told Mr.. John Jacob Joys that
he had made the happiest hit of his
life; that he could now even up the
score with Bill Smith, and cancel IN
full the debt of long, long stand
ing.
Uncle Arch now told Mr.. John
Jacob Joys to go back home, fix up
the signboard, write out the notice,
and come back after dark, for Uncle
Arch had things of import to be
done, which he wanted to keep from
Mr.. John Jacob Joys, and as soon as
Mr.. John Jacob Joys was gone Uncle
Arch called into conference his four
sons, each a second edition of their
father, Uncle Arch. Now, when the