Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-10-03
tunately all of the humorists are

Nii0tVi ot OI InG HllYJlOIlS1S 0HA
| married.
h would be 81 great season for con-
gressinen and senators to go abroad
for their health, returning about No
| vembcr \.
one c~onsoling thought is that the
oiu-time campaign glce club is Yradu-
ally OWL scircer and scarcer.
Inc only great publication in this
country that is taking M sides i'm The
presidcntional fight is the C~onsression-
al Record.
Gondolas propelled by motors are
oe'ng used i'll Venice. One advantage
garets.
|. An Ohio woman, aged 81. saws She
mas never been kissed. Well, judging
ny the Ohlo men we have seen. she
hasn't missed much.
One American whipped 10 Mexicans
the other day and he wasn't such a
whale of an American, either.
Lawn note: The best style for
grass this season is a la moved.
a Nevada man wants to be shot
instead OF hanged. \ mar who is so
unfortunate as to reside in Nevada
ought to be satisfied with either.
a New York man was bitten by a
pike and is now delirious.' He prob
ably thinks he is a pikcr. and being a
New York man, maybe he is.
Kansas will produce 100. 900, 900
bushels or wheat. this year. Kansas
used to raise wlliskers almost ex-
cllsively, but they don't pay.
Chicago woman wants $40 for a
broken heart. Diamonds and not
hearts are trumps in Chicago.
HOW TO SWAT FLIES.
Always keep the swatter raised in
the air and posed ready to descend.
IT is the raising OF the swatter in the
air preparatory to striking that scares
the fly away.
When you swat the fly be sure and
hit him on the buck of the head. The
nerves OF the fly center at the base of
the brains as they do in the human be-
ing n II you swat the fly on this
spot, while you may not kill him, you
VIII at least paralyze him 80 that he
the season.
The real time to swat is when YOU
nnd a fly convention in the sugar bowl.
lou can then make what might be
called u pot swat and exterminate the
heads OF several families of flies at one
full swoop.
One way to make the flies stand still
while you swat them is to catch them
on fly paper first. Then you can
swat them, not only once, but several
times.
Never attempt to swat flies While
Iiley are swimming around in the SOUP.
Ior soup v fast and you are liable
70 rum the wall paper as Well as YOUR
shirt front. N
MAUD MULLER.
MAUD Muller on q summers day
faKed the meadow sweet with nav
She helped her mother ofttlmes, too.
As all good daughters used to do.
She washed the dishes, scrubbed the
floor, ~
And did full many a household chore.
She wore no false hair and no pads
Ana mad an appetite like dads.
All rouge and beauty dope she scorned
And hers was beauty unadorned.
that was in the long E
AND was o~ld-fashioned quite, you know.
Now Maud appears upon the street
And Is In style from head to feet.
She wears a skirt that lie SO tight
Sne a to peel It of at night.
t fts SO close that in the morn
n put 1T on with her shoe horn.
She wears her shoes 30 tight they hurt,
she is somewhat of a fiirt.
For English she cares not a dang
And ia well versed In George AIDES
slang.
She lois about in lounging blouse
And cannot help around the house.
mothers cooking is passe.
Sne much prefers O swell cafe.
She pounds out ragtime by the hour
makes the 'neighbors grim and
sour.
She's never very slow to state
pa n ma are out OF date.
She's got the latest dancing bug.
For Turkey Trot ana Bunny Hug.
Eternally she's on the 60,
But cannot cook and cannot sew.
Her relatives and friends are awed.
murmur through their tears.
they're very. very much afraid
shes nxing to be one old maid.
The boys Ill think she's pleasing. mind,
But they don't hook up with that kind.
For. with all oe her fancy stunts.
She's Just an ordinary Ounce.
-
ADVICE TO HUSBANDS.
When she makes q hat, admire Il.
though Il looks like q Welsh rare
bit nightmare. Il, will save you q lot
OF money In the long run.
When you are out late you may 40
well tell . the truth. She won't be-
lieve Il. anyhow.
Don't be grouchy about her ailow-
ance. even Il It runs up as high as Is
cents q week.