davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
Where the Laugh Comes In
oassenger-Whv are we so late :?

I IdSS6uR6T-NI w fly dEo W6 SO 4dG6
 Conductor-Wen. sir. the train in hind before. besides.- Boston Tran script.
 A little boy, who was very much puz- zled over the theory of evolution, ques- tioned his mother thus:
 Mamma, am l descended from a monkey?"
 II don't know," the mother replied. II never knew any of your father s people. "-The Gateway.
 Nell-They say pie without cheese is like kiss without a squeeze. Do you believe 1t?
 Belle-Why, really, never
 Nell--YOu never what?
 Belle-Ate pie without cheese.-Phil- adelphia Record.
 What do you think of that ?" asked the youth when he had given the col lege yell
 "Well," replied Farmer Corntossel. II must say the words sound nifty and up to date. But, honest, I don't think much of the tune"
 Citiman-Aren't any of you suburb antics preparing to grow anything In your bIl1S y6dE
 Sububs-Well, there's one thing most of us have grown already.
 Cltiman-Indeed? Whats that?
 Sububs-Tired. - Catholic Standard and Times.
 Assistant-As we've given up our music department, may as we'll throw away this sign reading "Take this home and try it on your piano"
 Manager-Throw it away? Certainly not Stick it up on the furniture polish counter. Boston Transcript.
 What does George say in his letter ?
 Oh, the usual lot of nonsense undying love, eternity, despair and all the rest of 1t.
 What are you going to do about it
 Oh, return it unopened, my dear.- Illustrated Bits.
 Hoax-What is the difference in time between New York and Paris !?
 Joax-Oh, I don't know. You can have pretty much of the same time in New York as in Paris if you know how to go about it.-Philadelphia Record.
 "I'm surprised at your giving that small. hot bedroom I slept in to rela- tive," sniffed her maiden aunt, as she entered the breakfast room.
 "You are?" answered Mrs. Randall. "Why, auntie, we've even given that room to servants. Life.
 "But," asked Miss Mattie Nay, "did you never have stage frlght?"
 "Only once," replied the other, "and that was before an audience of ouly four or five people,
 "My What was that? ?"
 "Out West. You see, the audience informed us that if our show didn't suit them they'd fill us full of holes. i" Chicago Catholic Standard and Times.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

that he recognizes in thls swelling de- mand of the people, possible solution of an embarrassing problem that may confront the state convention in the difficulty of filling in all the blanks on the state ticket. But that's not the point.
 Our esteemed and we'll meaning con- temporary, the Lakeville Journal. sol emnly suggests that the people of Ga naan take the boom seriously enough to elect the candidate to "some responsible ofice." The proposition is a shrewd one, but not shrewd enough. It's man ifestly subterfuge, but it's defective it has holes in it. It bears the earmarks of fine Italian hand, and is plainly put forward in the interest of the can dldate's bitterest enemies who realize that the game is up. Editor Jones may as we'll understand that he can neither puncture the boom nor block the steam roller by any transparent compromise suggestion looking to split-up or dlvyy OI UII0 blCh6U. Lh0 ScbuuIAobO 10 OAU AOA offices-not ''office.' All Four or Not a Bloomin' One !'' is the slogan, and if the Lakeville editor is both wise and honest he will endorse Editor Phil Troup's cordial endorsement of sthe "Whole Hog or None principle, and emulate Colonel Osborn's ringing resolution to stand firm by the side of the ringside wherein the candidates hat defiantly reposes. and not budge an inch until every one of the four offices is tri umphantly scooped in.
 The present incumbents in the four offices inYolved-represent first selectman, trial justice of the peace and town clerk-realizing that the ground is Slipping from under them, may at but their bravado will deceive nobody. They, and their henchmen and hireling tools, may make light of it, and try to laugh it off as joke-ha ha ha ha like that-but the footprints of the peoples voice are written on the wall in handwriting of sounding brass and twinkling cymbals, with letters of fire that stick out like quails upon the frightful porcupine- and in their craven hearts they know it, and they know they know it. They may fool all of the people all of the time, as George Wash ington said, but they can't fool anybody else.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
What the Other Fellows Say.

Will the Colonel be in Chicago? Does your grandmother know how to suck eggs?-New Haven Journal Courier.
 "The advance in meat prices looks ugly" says the wall street Journal, "be cause the government returns at pack ing centers. show how the receipts of cattle for the month of April, greater than for any corresponding period since 1907." What does a little thing like that amount to? Perhaps some of the gentlemen in the meat business who may be called before the judiciary com miTtee at Washington, can tell. But will lthey?-Bridgeport Standard.
 Charles w. Morse is reported as being as we'll as ever. There's nothing like 8 pardon from the President to put a man on his feet again. Bridgeport Post.
 Never mind if the New York hotels do close up. The Berkshire hotels are wide open and anxious to take the money.-Pittsfield Eagle.
 It seems as though Uncle Sam ought to find grounds upon which to fight the coffee trust. Waterbury Republican.
 President Taft writes an important magazine article on What I Am Try ing to De-" but it isn't half as pictur- esque as what they are trying to do to him.-Hartford Times.
 The Colonel's latest contribution to the campaign vernacular is "Three guinea pig brain power" That's an un- fortunate phrase that may easily be fired back at the Vociferous One with effect. His own rating for veracity, consistency and dependability is hardly up to, the guinea pig standard. Bristol Press.
 If the Colonel were a superstitious man, the recollection that June IS is Waterloo day might give him an occa- sionaI moment of uneasiness,- ,-Hartford Oourant.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
Letters From the People
Mir. Stevens Acknowledges.
To the Editor of The News:

To the E1ltOr of The News:
 After a continuous service of eighty years, with scarcely one interruption. it has seemed necessary that l should be laid aside for renovation and repairs. The renovatlng process has been thorough and painful in the extreme, but by the aid of kind and faithful doctor a kind, patient and faithful nurse, and kinder Providence, l have been able to bear it. The process of re- pairing will necessarily be slow, and whether I will be considered worthy of extended repairs will be determined by One wiser than man. and am satisfied to leave that to The All Wise One who can never err.
 Since being laid aside have been the recipient of so many expressions of kindly sympathy and solicitude from friends far and near, that my feelings have been greatly. moved and l desire through your columns to express my sincere and heartfelt thanks to all my neighbors and friends who have remem- bered me by kindly words and messages and deeds of sympathy and kindness, and who have so frequently and Continu- ously contributed dainties and flowers which have been truly appreciated and especially enjoyed. And my thought and prayer for all these friends is that they may be spared the pain and suffer ing which seemed necessary for me to beaT~ Yours,
 Canaan, June 10.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

didn't make no more guesses, but kep , close watch, an when I'd swore they'd got to tn children playin', tn hull biz ness stopped, an left me stranded three tunes behind. 1 told my wife 1 knew they'd skipped suthin', but she stuck up fir tn fiddlers, an Icouldn't git no satis- faction out O her. Tn last night l."
 "I3 there any further business to be transacted ?" asked the chair. breaking into the fat members rhapsody. There wasn't any, so the meeting was sawed off right there.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
THAT aUADRUPLE CANDIDACY

That 'quadruple candidacy" as offices continues to be the all-absorbing sensation. It has created an interest that is spreading like wildfire. The New York Herald of last Sunday gave up half f-column of space to it, with 8 cordial endorsement by it's accomplished political writer, A. F. Howe, in which he said of the candidate that his entry into the political arena is particularly timely this year,
 s'when the pendency of great questions offers unusual opportunities for his nat ural eloquence, and the qualification of power. MT. Rodemeyer is not going to run for anything so tame, commonplace, and uninspiring as one office, but for four important posts at once, and he should rise by inherent merit into the > serene realm of life tenure in all of them"
 In view of this calm, unimpassioned and well-considered estimate, from so distinguished metropolitan authority, it is not to be wondered at that the sentiment right here at home is direct ing itself toward favorable consider ation of tue proposition. Personal inter views with the local leaders not only indicate temp perature rising above the lukewarm mark, but actually betoken stampede in the nature of a "tidal wave" One influential gentleman interviewed by an acquaintance of the ca 1didate, said: "If he sees fit to make the run, I don't suppose there's any law against it." Another 'I haven't any objec- tion to his getting into the race if he wants to- And so on. Thus it will be seen that the boom is arousing an en- thusiam that threatens to literally crush anything that gets in it's way. like 8 veritable steam roller.
 In difference to the overwhelming sentiment thus indicated, the candidate may decide to enlarge the scope of his ambitions and include in his list of can- didacies the offices of grand juror and judge of probate, and possibly super visor of schools. In fact, the boom may expand until it's tentacles tackle and tickle the state ticket. Already J. Henry Rorabaek, chairman of the state committee, noting with amazement the irresistible progress it is making, has in- timated, in roundabout sort of way,
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
A NoN-PARTIsAN QUESTION.

Reform of our panic breeding banking system has been demanded by nine of the state conventions this spring:
 Alabama (Democratic). Arkansas (Republican). Delaware Democratic).
 Delaware (Republican). New Hampshire (Democratlc). New York (Republican). Pennsylvania (Republican).
 Tennessee (Republican).
 Virginia. (Democratic).
 Banking reform is non partisan question:
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
Farmer on Advertising.

Two farmers were not long since dis cussing their local paper. One thought it had too many advertisements in it. he other replied: "In my opinion the advertisements are far from being the least valuable part of It. I look them over carefully and save at least five times the cost of the paper each week through the business advantages I get from them" Said the other "I be- lieve you are right-I think that they pay me we'll and rather think it is not good taste to find fault with the adyer. tisements after all" Those men have the right idea of the matter. It pays any man with a family to take good local paper for the sake of the advertise ments if nothing more. And if busi- ness men fail to give farmers a chance to read advertisements in the local paper, they are blind to their own inter ests, to say the least of it. "You never trade with me" said a business man to a prosperous farmer. "You have never invited me to your place of business and I never go where I am not invited ; I might not be welcome" was his reply. -Woodbury Reporter.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
Good Roads.

No better index to the importance which the question of good roads is assuming throughout the country can be found than in the large expenditures which these figures show are being made everywhere for the improvement of the highway system, not only by the construction of new roads but by what is equally important-the maintenance of those already built. From the ln- formation which Good Roads has gathered during the past few months, it is estimated that the amount which will be spent for road improvement during 1919 will exceed 0,000. 900, and will be greater than that ever before spent in any one year. The different meth ods of expending the sums making up this grand total, as shown by the laws of the several states, form au interest ing study. Since the beginning of the movement for the improvement of roads through state aid, over two decades ago, state after state has embraced the prin- ciple, until there are now over thirty common wealths in the Onion which have organized state highway de- partments, through which aid, either financial or otherwise, is extended to the towns or local units. ."-Good Roads.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

Selectman Reel is entitled to the thanks of every pedestrian who has oc- casion to cross Railroad street in muddy weather, for the enduring cross-walk, of stone and cement, just completed. It will stand-or he-as a monument to him. But another one like it IS needed across Main street at Roraback's corner and so efficient town official really deserves two monuments.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

You seem to be an able bodied man. You ought to be strong enough to work.
 know, mum. And you seem to be beautiful enough to go on the stage, but evidently you prefer the simple life.
 After that speech he got a square meal and no reference to the wood pile. Detroit Free Press.
 Mrs. A-So your husband is all the time talking shop. Well, you mustn't mind that.
 Mrs. B-I wouldn't if he were any thing else but an undertaker.-Boston Transcript.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

Souvenir" Taylor's Legislative His tory is now in the hands of the printer. and will be issued in few weeks. And nobody will await it's appearance more impatiently than the statesmen who kicked against 1t in vain and then hus- tied to get their photographs ready for it.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

Every Canaan business man should be on hand at the Business Mems smoker, at the Garfield Hotel thls evening, and enjoy some sensible speaking, sensible eating and sensible smoking-all for nothing.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

q have seen three doctors. The first said it was arthritis, and the second ataxy."
 "And the third?'
 "Of course he contradicted the other two f1atly. ."-Rire.
 "What is your little boy crying about ?''
 "Our pantry is terribly crowded with good things for winter consumption.
 "Yes ?"
 "And he got caught in the jam."- Houston Post.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
DUTY.
BY EMMA RoDEMEYER WAIT

There is no work so humble
 But it takes on lovely grace If we but turn upon it
 A sweet and cheerful face. Twill make it glow with beauty
 And drive the gloom away; Till duty is a pleasure
 That gives content each day.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13


 The Bristol Press is pretty near right when it says: This strike of the New York hotel walters is a grotesque thing. Primarily it is strike for the privilege of robbing the people. In polite lan- guage it is called tipping" but essenti- ally it is petty brigandage.: The cus- toner must stand the tax or stand the insult and poor service, though he has paid roundly for the hotel privileges. The trouble is not so much with the waiter as with the abominable and de- testable system. which the hotel man. agers have cheerfully permitted to flourish and grow strong. There is no call to sympathize with them. Man agers and walters both need dlsciplinlng by the public.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

The forthcoming celebration of Pill grim Church's anniversaries-the 25th anniversary of the founding of the church, and the tenth anniversary of Rev. EC. Gilllette,s pastorate-willb be 8 notable event, aud the program arranged assures fitting and appropriate obserY- ance of it.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

Unless some of the mathematics are defective. and figures lie, both Taft and will be nominated at Chicago next week.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
It's the fool-killer' busy season.

Winsted's aviation meet" was dis appointment. Even the patriotic Citizen dubs it 8 ''fizzle." Winsted really shouldn't try to pull off an unusual public enterprise without first coming over to Canaan and learning how to spell success.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

Subscribers are requested to notify the pub- MSb CT promptly of any failure to receive papers regularly, changes of residence etc.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

Another fraternal organization added to Oanaan's s long list of 'em-Woodmen of the World! Success to it!
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
THE NEWS AGENTS

Extra copies of The News are on sale at the aficeof publication and at
 Dempsey's Drug Store, Canaan, Egglestor's Drug Store, Sharon, Post Office East Canaan. D. H. Oakes Store, Lakeville, Post Office, Falls Village, George T. Johnson's Store, Norfolk, F. H. Smith 6 Co.'S Store Ashley Falls. W. D. French Sheffield, Mass. A. L, Dickinson! Salisbury. J. w. Morgan, Great Harrington, Mass.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

Get Together. Pull Together There's nothing like it for making things come to pass.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
TELEPHONE: CANAAN 12a RING
AS AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM

NS AN NDVET TSIINN "EDI v '" The News should appeal with special force to the Sagacious business man.
 It has an extensive circulation in Western Connecticut, and especially throughout Litch- Geld County and Southern Be-zshire.
 It has a competent staff of wide-awake cor respondents in the various towns to report the local doings each week. and goes into the homes thrifty, intelligent, reading class of people whom &he long gheaded advertiser most desires to reach.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

middle aged woman for family of four; excellent opportunity any woman want ing good home. Give references and wages r O. Box 9063, Bridgeport, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

The trolley strike is averted. but where's that hourly schedule
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
WANTED

WANTED TEN HUsTLING AGENTS AT ONCE; $50 and better per week assured to Flat Irons, 1911 Patent. Every Iron Ruaran- teed perfect or money back. Saves labor, time, expense: does family ironing for %. Sole rights in the United States. The Blakeney Cooperative Company, Falls Village, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

Flag Day tomorrow-and long may she wave!
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

WANTED-Bya girl of sixteen, n position as nurse or dining room girl, during vacation, Address, Box SO, Lime Rock, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

,0Oe cords of lime kiln wood.
 Address, Box 202, East Canaan, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
Cent-a-Word Advertisements
 Minimum Charge 25 Gents
FOR SALE

FOR SALE-50 apple barrels complete with double heads. M c. Marcy, Falls Village, Ct, FOR SALE-A Mullins Steel Motor Boat in good condition. A bargain at the price asked. Dem onstTation given at any time Call, write or telephone to c. Hitchcock, Canaan. FOR sALE-Hayns Auto, 20 h. D., four passen- ger, prest-o-lite acetylene lamps, top, curtains chairs, four new tires. Price S200. A, L. Hu- gins, Canaan.
 REAL Estate Agent George W. Hall now has for sale the entire Salmon Barlow property, con sisting of 30 or more good building lots, tract of woodland of about II acres; good river meadow including the Barlow house and barn. Will sell separately or all together as farm, with buildings thereon. Now is a good time to purchase building lots at q low price Mir. Hall also has a number of building lots for sale belonging to other parties.
 FOR SALE or shares. grass, small lots or quantity, 100 acres, storage If wanted. John Muir, Jr., Sheffield.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

WRITE A LETTER ABOUT TT
 Communications on subjects of general inter- est to The News readers are invited, but no attention will be paid to anonymous letters.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

WE HAVE large stock of Flour Barbed Wire, Wire, Nails Fertilizers-also Chicken Fencing at Kc per square foot Moving Machines, Rakes, etc. NJ. c. Dean X Sons, Falls Village, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13
MISCELLANEOUS

AR. EATEN, optician ot TorrinRton, Conn.
 will be at The Garfield" hotel the first Mon day and Tuesday afternoons of each month If unable to call send postal Consultation free
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

LoSr-Combination nickle plated Warner clock and speedometer on under mountain road bo- tween Lakeville and Great Harrington, Tuesday night. Suitable reward if returned to K. $. Pearson, Great Harrington, Mass.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

Longest day next week-then summer beglns in earnest.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

TO RENT.--House, Inquire of Patrick Lee,
 Canaan, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

FOR RENT-Four rooms in the Porter Building.
 Inquire at the Model Bakery, Canaan.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

I EXPECT to make my annual lawn mower sharpening trip in the month of July through Winsted, Norfolk, Canaan, Lakevile and surrounding towns. Please leave orders in Norfolk with H. A. Stanard. A. w. Messenger
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

TO RENT-House. rooms from June 10. En-
 quire of k. s. Root, Canaan.
Connecticut western news., 1912-06-13

FOR SALE-50 apple barrels complete with
 double heads M, G. Marcy, Falls Village, Ct
Tazewell Republican. [volume] (Tazewell, Va.) 1892-1919, 1912-07-04
Taft Favored Seating 7. R. Men,

In statement given out at Cedar
Rapids, Iowa, on last Thursday, Cover
nor Herbert S. Hadley, of Missouri,
confirmed the statements of Colonel
Roosevelt and Comptroller VIM. Prem
dergast, of New York, that Taft lead
ers had offered at Chicago to seat the
Roosevelt delegates from Washington
and Texas if Roosevelt would consent
to the nomination of Hadley or some
other third man. Speaking OF the Of
fer of comprise made by the Taft peo-
pie, Governor Hadley said:
"This proposition was made to me.
and understand that it was also made
to Colonel Roosevelt. l refused to con-
slider or discuss it unless it first had the
approval of Colonel Roosevelt, as was
for him for the nomination and no one
else. was told afterwards that Colo.
mel Roosevelt refused his consent"
Tazewell Republican. [volume] (Tazewell, Va.) 1892-1919, 1912-07-04
THURSDAY. JULY 4, 1912.
DEMOCRATIC lNEFFICIENGY.

Postmsster-General Hitchcock was
compelled, last week, to notify all post
masters that if they kept their office
employees at work after June 3Oth. it
would be on their own responsibility.
This unprecedented condition of affairs
was caused by the do-nothing policy of
the democratic House in the matter of
appropriation bills.
Representative Fitzgerald, chairman
OF the House Committee on Appropria-
lions, issued statement last week that
on Monday an emergency resolution
would be rushed through the House and
Senate which would adjust the money
situation; but at this writing, with most
OF the members of the House attending
the democratic convention in Baltimore
1t is doubtful if anything will be done to
relieve the situation. A pretty mess.
and an ample warning of what will hap
pen should the democrats by any chance
come into full charge of all departments
OF the national government. The bale
fui democratic days of of '9S should be
warning enough to prevent this hap
1pening.