Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-12-25
At the E nd Of the Rainbow.
THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT.
BY Walt Mason.

ut would be a glorious thing said the
retired merchant, eff the Christmas spirit
lasted throughout the year."
1T would be nothing of the kind re-
torted the hotelkeeper. THE Christmas
spirit gives me the triangles, and I'm
always glad when the day is over and
Kris kringle has bumped the bumps and
people settle down to the safe and sane
behavior that distinguishes them at other
times. If the Christmas spirit lasted the
year round this world would seem like a
big lunatic asylum.
1.-THE Christmas spirit inspires people
to send lot of doggone fool presents to
their friends, and where do you suppose
we'd all land If that sort of thing was
kept up all the time? I've had a million
Christmas presents in my time and never
yet got anything that was useful to me.
have a string of aunts and cousins
living around the country and the most
Of them send me slippers every Christ
mas. II I had as many legs as a cent?
pede 1 couldn't begin to use up those
slippers. Then they send me muffiers and
ear warmers and homemade neckties. and
1 wouldn't be found dead back of the
livery barn wearing such things.
IT have an old aunt down in Indiana
who knits me pair of woollen socks for
see those socks you'd know why no
smiles ever wreathe my face. My aunt
evidently thinks / have the legs Of a
rhinoceros and so she governs herself ac-
cordingly. If l had any moral courage
I'd never acknowledge those presents, or
send others in return, but haven't any.
and neither has any man when Christmas
presents are in style.
Every year l ship lot Of junk to all
those aunts and cousins, wondering all
the time why the fool killer doesn't put
me out of my misery. l don't suppose
the gifts 1 send are more appropriate or
useful than the ones l get, for man is
always ratified when he is buying Christ
mas presents and doesn't know what he's
ordering half the time. Last year l sent
my aged grandmother a shotgun and my
Uncle Henry, who is all covered with
gray whiskers. powder puff and box OF
talcum powder. Before l finished my
Christmas shopping ] was quite daffy
and really wasn't responsible for what
did.
1.-THE Christmas spirit makes people
mellow and maudlin, and then they go
around boring their friends, trying to
say beautiful things. You ought to see
this hotel on Christmas morning. People
all come here to loaf, for they are tired
of hearing the kids Shrek with happiness
at home and every man who comes in
wells christmas DOX on you. ana i am
supposed to dig up. Then they lean
against the counter and try to look soul
full and talk about Yuletide and mistletoe
and Kris Kringle till l feel like sending
a riot call to the police station. l don't
know of anything more heartbreaking
than an old, fat grocer In a sentimental
mood.
Last Christmas old Pinch, the pawn
broker, spent two or three hours here say
ing beautiful things. He wished the
Christmas spirit would stay with us and
he quoted a long poem to the effect that
IL was the night before Christmas and
all through the fiat not a creature was
stirring, not even a rat. And I'll be dog
goned If the tears didn't stream down his
piratical cheeks and half a dozen old
tightwads who We're listening began
wiping their briny drops from their eyes.
If the Christmas spirit could be made
permanent by law old Pinch and all that
gang would apply for an injunction, for it
would put them out Of business
II am sore on Christmas because all
the bores in town come in and wish me
many happy returns of the day and then
expect me to set up ten-cent cigars. I'd
much rather see the Fourth of July spirit
last the year round
you are the worst old crank in this
section of the United States.'' said the re-
tired merchant. 1T would serve you
right, after uttering such sentiments, if
the people boycotted your one horse
hotel