Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-11-30
THE DUMB WAITER
II Played Low Down Trick on
the Master OF the House.
A HOT TIME ON A COLD NIGHT.
Tho Trouble Was the Direct Result OF
q Thirsty Mans Craving For Drink
and His Dogged Persistence In At
tempting to Satisfy u.

tempting to Satisfy u.
One OF the old time humorous writ
ers was "Spnrrowgrass." and the fol.
lowing account Of his adventure with
dumb waiter gives good idea of his
amusing style:
One evening Mrs 8. had retired,
and was busy writing when It struck
me n glass OF Ice water would be pal.
atable. SO took the candle and a
pitcher and went down 10 tho pump.
Our pump is In tho kitchen. A coun-
try pump In the kitchen Is more con.
venlent. but we'll with buckets Is GER
tainly most picturesque. Unfortunate
~ our well water has not been sweet
since Il was cleaned out,
First had to open bottled door
that lets you into the basement hall.
and then ! went 10 tho kitchen door.
which proved to be locked. Then re.
membcred that our girl always car
ried the key 10 bed with her and slept
with II under her pillow. Then ! re.
traced my steps. boted the basement
door and went up into the dining room
As Is always the case. | found when
could not get any water ! was thlrstier
than supposed was Then ]
thought would wake our girl up.
Then concluded not 10 do II. Then
thought Of the well. but gave that
up on account OF Its favor. Then !
opened the closet doors. There was no
water there. Then thought Of the
dumb waiter! The novelty OF the idea
made me smile took out two of the
movable shelves. stood the pitcher on
the bottom Of the dumb waiter. got In
myself with the lamp. let myself down
until supposed was within foot
OF the floor below and then let go.
We came down so suddenly that
was shot ont of the apparatus as II It
had been catapult II broke the
pitcher. extinguished the lamp and
landed me IN the middle of tho kitchen
nj midnight. with no fire and the air
not much above the zero point. The
truth ~ | had miscaiculnted the dis
lance OF the descent Instead OF falling
one foot | had fallen five My first
impulse was to ascend by the way
came down. but ! found that imprac-
ticabie Then ! tried the kitchen door.
Ii was locked tried TO force II open.
II was made of two inch stun and held
its own. Then I hoisted a window.
and there were the rigid Iron bars. III
| ever felt angry nj anybody II was ut
please Mrs. Sparrowgrass. | put them
up not TO keep people in. but to keep
people out
I laid my cheek against the ice cold
barriers and looked ut the sky. Not
star was visible. II was MS black as
Ink overhead. Then made noise. |
shouted until | was hoarse and ruined
our preserving kettle with the poker.
That brought our dogs out In full bark.
and between us We made the night
hidcous. Then thought ! heard
voice and listened II was Mrs. Spar
rowgrass calling 10 me from the top
Of the staircase ! tried TO make her
hear me. but the Internal dogs united
with howl and growl and bark. so as
to drown my voice. which Is naturally
plaintiye and tender Resides. there
were two bolted doors and double deaf.
encd floors between us. How could she
recognize my voice. even II she did
hear Il;
Mr. Sparrowgrass called once or
twice and then got frightened The
next thing | heard was sound as II
the roof had fallen In. by which I'M
derstood that Mrs Sparrowgrass was
sprlnging the rattle. That called ont
our neighbor. already wide awnke lie
came 10 the rescue with bull terrier.
Newfoundland pup. n lantern and a
revolver. The moment he saw me at
the window he shot ut me. but foriu-
nately Just missed me. ! threw myself
under the kitchen table and ventured
to expostulatc with him. but he would
not listen 10 reason In the excite
ment | had forgotten his name. aud
that made matters worse II was no,
until he had reused IN everybody
around broken In the basement door
with an ax. got into the kitchen with
his cursed savage dogs and shooting
Iron and seized me by the collar that
he recognized ne. and then he wanted
me to explain 1t, But what kind OF m
explanation could | make 10 him:
told him he would have to walt until
my mind was composed and then |
would let him understand the matter
f.'lly.