The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1912-07-27
CLINKER'S BAD RECORD
WHY QulGWAY REFUSED TO
HELP HIS ELECTION.
Declares Candidate ENTIRELY Lacking
In Moral Character and E.oves Il
by the Episode of the
Cow

"Quigway," said Weatherwax, Eve
want to elect Clinker alderman from
this ward. He's the finest kind of d
man, stands strong for the uplift and
all that sort of, thing, but he always
has refused to have anything to do
with politics. However. We need him,
and If the matter is placed before him
In the right way he'll consent to run.
A committee of leading citizens of the
ward will call on him this evening.
and we want you to go along and help
us persuade him to make the race"
We'll, you can count me out" re-
piled Quigway, Il haven't any use for.
Clinker, and ! think our institutions
have come to dickens Of pass when
such man is even suggested for pub
lie office. Clinker is entirely lacking
in moral character, and it will be an
evil day for the people when he goes
into Office
You're talking through your turban.
Quigway Why, Clinker has spotless
record. You can't find flaw in it any
where"
well, that shows all you know, and
II YOU elect Clinker I'll move out of
this ward and stay out. couldn't
sleep at night If that man was In Of
fee.
Two years ago I was looking
around for a good, respectable family
COW, the kind you read about in Sum
School books. 1 didn't. know anything
about cows. except that they gave
milk under proper conditions. and we
wanted real milk in our house, Clink-
er heard that | was in the market for
COW, and he came over to my place
and told me he had the very animal
wanted, Irhad the utmost faith In
him at that time and placed myself.
entirely in his hands. ! told him cam
didly that | didn't know COW from a
canal boat, so far as practical informa-
ton went and asked him, as man to
man. to give me square deal
He placed his hand on his heart
and swore by his grandmother's nut.
meg crater that the COW he was Of
fering for sale was perfectly refined
and ladylike, and that she gave an
abundance Of real milk So took
him at his word, Weatherwax, and
counted out 80 large, gun metal dol
lars, which represented the savings
of months. He brought the COW over
and tied her in xn1y shed, and in the
evening went forth with a beautiful
new tin bucket and sat down to milk
her. The next thing knew / was
standing on my shoulderblades, and
that handsome new tin bucket was
fattened against the roof of the shed.
| never saw a COW as ambidextrous
with her hind legs-and Clinker said
she was so tame the children could
play with her!
Il went over to his place, my blood
boiling with Indignation, and he went
back home with me and surveyed the
scene of the uprising. and had the
nerve 40 say that the cow kicked be-
cause ! sat at her left side instead of
her right side, when | began to milk!
AS though o COW cared for such tech
nicalites! That's the sort of man
Clinker is. He's sea lawyer. who
| would rather argue far-fetched points
than be Just and fair. | wanted him
to take the cow back, but he wouldn't
do 1t. The cow was Just as he repre-
| scented her, he said. and the fault was
all mine That's the way he'll conduct
himself IL he breaks into the council
He'll say the fault Is with the people
| who elected him. If anything goes
| wrong, ga,
"A week after bought that COW she
| quit giving milk altogether. She didn't
give any moro milk than lumber
waron. and Clinker had assured me
| that she would keep tho family sup
| piled for a year. went to him anC
read the riot act, and he asked lot d
| fool questions and then took refuge IL
technicalities again. He said the COW
went dry because / MIXED her at al
hours of the day Did sou ever heal
anything like that? There wasn't 6
| clock in the barn and the COW didn'
carry chronometer, and it made NJ
/ difference to her when | MIXED her
And that's the kind OF q man you wan
! to elect as alderman!
when you place the destinles o
this town In the hands of men of tina
character it is time for good citizens
to hike for the tall timber" --chicag'
|