The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-09-21
BY ESTHER GRIFFIN WHITE.


| Go Nv
| Calendars!
Their habit is only equalled in de-
mentia by the thermometer and their
presence is invariably obnoxious.
| Unless nailed to the wall with ten
| foot spike over desk whose slave
must know the days as they isue forth
from obscurity, rise to a climax and
are guillotined by the setting sun, so
it can't fall down.
Otherwise calendars are snare and
the everlasting deuce.
You say it is the 10Th. But Maria is
sure it is the 21st, while Ann says she
knows positively it is the 18th because
Uncle Abner's second wife's birthday
is on the 10th and that was yesterday.
On Marias opinion that the second
wife's birthday was last week. Ann
shows signs of apoplexy and declares
she can never say thing that isn't
contradicted by Maria. That she is
simply tired to death of it and it has
got to be stopped. That she guessed
she knows what she is talking about.
That Maria is one of those complacent
beings who seek to regulate the uni
verse. And that no matter whether
she (Maria) is right or wrong, she al
ways carries it off with such a high
hand that even if she is wrong people
who don't know the difference thinks
she's right.
For her part, vociferates Ann, she
is willing to swear on pile of Bibles
eleven feet high that it is the 18th be
cause Marguerite told her that she
had a post card from Uncle Abner's
Oldest daughter yesterday that it was
the second wife's birthday on the 18th
and no matter what Maria says she
knows it is the 18th
Just then Ellen sticks her head in
the door and says that she had an in
vitation to attend the birthday celebra-
ton of Uncle Abner's second wife and
that maybe she will go since it isn't
pulled off until the 26th.
Ten days after it's due, exclaims
Ann.
Ellen views her with cold and lack
lustre eye.
Ellen asks Ann what she, Ann,
knows about it.
Why | got a card, says Ann which
said that it was the 10th
Lets see your card, says Ellen.
Ann hastens to a drawer, pulls out
q card and displays it triumphantly.
Ellen points to the date.
Alas, it is the 26th.
With which Ellen chortles and
gives Maria the celebrated wink.
Wn1J Of bo
sionate nature, the calendar says it's
the 18th, and points to the glazing and
unmistakable figures on the wall.
Upon a closer inspection it is found
that while the figures say seventeen
that this is Friday and hence could
not be the seventeenth since Tuesday
was the 18th
We all know this because the taxes
were paid by family levy on that
day.
We discover that Tom, whose duty
it is to change the calendar every
morning hasn't pulled the intervening
layers off the block since Tuesday and
that, after ALL its the goth.
Ha! Ha! grins Ann swapping her
fingers at Maria. If it isn't the 18th
still l had some basis of reason for
saying it was. Now you hadn't any
for saying it was the 21st.
Well it's the 21st tomorrow, said Ma
ria. And besides I was nearer to it
than you were.
You really must correct your habit
of talking to Maria, said Aunt Tabitha
walking in just in time to hear AIMS
last IT G quito CT
BILE that way you have of speaking to
, her. I can't have it in my house, said
= Aunt Tabitha severely, and you must
> learn to conduct yourself in more
y becoming manner, my dear Ann.
!, Thank you, dear Aunt Tabitha, says
, Maria with her hypocritical lids mod
, estly and injuredly cast down.
Oh-d-! slams Ann out of the
door
Now this comes from having a cal
endar hung in a nice, convenient
place on the wall for everybody to re-
fer to- say you.
Its the same with a watch or a
clock or thermometer. says Ellen.
You know what perfect pest peo-
pie are who have watches They're
always pulling 'em out to see if it's
too late or too early or too something
or other or to see if it's one minute
late by standard time or is running
strictly according to schedule on sun
time or to see if the New York mail
is in and there will be time for YOU to
: get to the post Office before it closes
2 or If you can catch the eight fifteen
5 car or can get down town in time for
4 the sale of bathroom towels or to the
2 station to speed the parting guest-or
2 anything.
0 People without watches get along
4 as well as those with.
Most people are on time, says Ell
len.
And yet the vast majority are not
the possessors of watches.
That's not half as bad saws Tom
looking in, as regulating the tempera-
ture
There is nothing calculated to drive
humanity to drink and destruction as
rapidly as the habit of watching the
quicksilver chase itself up and down
in ha liffIo glass b,,1l