The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1912-12-13
KNOCGKNEES TIED
WITH BOWLEGS


ger, who said he would like to try 1t first,
because he knew nothing about the sub
tect."
Gov. elect SulzeT said he was a novice.
In fact, he insisted upon it. Il must CON
fess that am novice" he said, and
not an expert, In fact, l am neither
YOU observe 'neither-because / have no
money. L am neither knock-kneed nor
bow-Iegged, and 1 have proof Of IT.
This is not a new subject" continued
Mr. Sulzer. 1T is threadbare, especially
for the bow-legged fellows. have Travelled
n little, like Brother Hammond, although
I was not fortunate enough to get into
as much trouble as he did. and 1 have
observed that the bow-legged men have
more trouble in getting around, or, I
should say more accurately, in getting
ahead, than the knockkneed men.
Most OF the bow-legged men whom
have seen always ride q horse. !
have seen them on the plains. Whether
they acquired the bow-legs or inherited
them l never asked. because most Of
those whom / saw were armed.
Another thing, no one ever saw a
bow-legged man play baseball So 1
would be willing to rest my case for the
affirmative upon those two propositions
However, I will go further. Medical
" all ailments from cOrns to consump-
ton have their inception in bow-legs. I
challenge my opponents to show one
case in the history of the world where
bow-legged man ever got anywhere.
On the contrary, a knock-kneed man
knows exactly where he is going and
always gets TO his destination.
Among the celebrated knock-kneed
men of history / can point to Moses.
the great law-giver; to Socrates, the
great philosopher. and / point to Hanni-
bal, the great soldier. and l will wind
up my argument by saying that a
man knock-kneed is a friend indeed"
Wants More Time.
Senator PenrOse undertook the saluta-
tory for the bow-legs. He insisted that
a natural slowness Of speech entitled
him to fully twenty-five minutes, in
place of the allotted ten. He disagreed
with everybody who said anything in
criticism of bow-legged men. Not hav-
ing anybody else to disagree with Yet.
ne disagreed with Mr.. Sulzer. He dis
told Of cases that had come under his
personal observation. He dug deep into
history. KnoCk-knees, he said, were the
result Of disease, which surgeons ex-
plain in various technical ways The
Senator declared he would not go into
this phase Of the situation. He said he
took a straw vote on a train on the
question and told the results
AS to navigation OF knock knpcd men
and bOw-leggcd men under the influence
OF the excessive use of stimulants," said
Senator Penrose, there is no question
in my mind that any one who is familiar
with those conditions
experience or observation. would realize
that a knock kneed man would be found
in the middle of the road. while
4 bow-legEed man was going gaily down
the street.
4 am not giving you my word for
all these things. took 4; straw vote
the other day on the train. between here
and Philadelphia, as to the merits Of
this question. ] found 115 votes in the
negative, which l believe / represent
l hope l am not making a mstake-and
fOrty-eight votes in the affirmative, and
three persons who said they still were
FOR Roosevelt if he ever ran again. The
Taft vote was not represented on the
train
Representative Stanley dashed from
his corner al the bell rang. With a
below of defiance, he rushed the arsu-
ment OF his opponents. He called upon
the angels above to bear witness to the
strength of his claims. who ever heard
Of a bow-legged angel?" he asked in an
mpassiOned voice.
Representative Stanley poured vitriol
on the heads of his bow-legged oppOn-
ents. Bow-legged men. he declared. were
luisances. pure and simple, without any
attendant virtues.
No BOw-IeEEcd Angels.
Il am amazed, I am Mortified. | am
profoundly grieved.' he said. that this
great deI.borative body has allowed but
ten minutes each 10 the individual in dis
GUESSING this mOmentOus question. Sir,
for ages civilization has viewed with
pride the virtues OF the knoCk-kneed and
has pointed with alarm TO the vices Of
Jowlcgs.
If I had the time l could prove to you
by the frescoes Of Raphael. ! could prove
10 you from art and story, that most Of
the angels seen in the Canvases and on
he walls of OldCn times arc knock
lnecd. Imagine a bowleggCd angel! We. |
he knOck-knPes. are the Conservators of
.irtue, We are the epitOme OF greatness. !
md We view with commiscration and pity |