davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14

tries The duchess would make ged hostess Only
circumstance
This however be
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14


Although big scale
Princes the south Park
j.
o
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14
The Worst of II.

do you keep cook, Mrs. Subub?'
Madam, l not only keep the cook,
but also her entire family"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14
Slightly Puzzled.

Say, pa?"
What is it?"
(which union does a jack of all
trades belong to-"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14

Mrs. WILSON'S Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces inHamma-
ton, aAays pain cures wind collie, 25c q bottle.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14

A large percentage Of all sickness starts
with unhealthy conditions of the digestive
organs. Garfield Tea will set them right.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14
Do You Use Eve SalYel

Apply only from Aseptic Tubes to
Prevent Infection. Murine Eye Salve In
Tubes-New Size Csc. Murine Eye Liz
uid 25c-5Oc. Eye Books in each Pkg.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14
To Match the Material.

Some of the new side frills and
5abots are attached to collars of
matching material
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14
Eiqht Lives Shy,

II have only one life to live"
That proves that you are not a cat
after all"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14

1t is possible for a man to be
straight and make both ends meet?
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14

If every lie in the world were nailed
there wouldn't be enough nails left to
build houses with.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14

Some people are so wrapped up in
themselves as to suggest human balls
uf Irvine.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14

Liver and kidney complaints will be greatly
helped by taking Garfield Tea regularly.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-06-14
Cuts Bruises OIdWOunds

as well rheumatic pains sore, stiff muscles limbs.
Joints hands feet speedily yield to the Anti
septic Healing Stainless
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14
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once upon Il time there was d wicked
little mike Who lived in the neighbours
back yarl. Tie hated the second girl
because she failed to put butter i'm the
po'ridse she left for him on the window
ledge. "Oleonlargarine is good enough
for II mike" she said to herself as she
opened the window and set the bowl
outside. besides he will never know
the litference.' But ii is easier to de
ceive Il whole boarding house than Il
MIKE. He did know very we'll. and
while swallowing his p%orridge he
2rumbied so loud that the second girl
thought. a storm was coming up over
tine lake.
Now. the mike resolved to be avenged
and when the second girl announced
her engagement to the grocer's boy he
thought his chance had come. she
shan't have HIM" lie cried with a twist
OF his head that made him look awry
for a week: she shall marry a tom cat
first and meow to the MOON"
SO he set his wicked little wits to
wor!. to prevent the marriage. He
slipped softly underground and dug
some scarlet roots With which he had
murdered his grandmother and made a
dark brown stew and put seventy-seven
drops in the second girls tea. Then
he stood behind the door and waited
for her eyes to turn green. But she
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

Hair is a material used by the great
architect to thatch the human dome
of thought. 1t comes late and leaves
early. like II fashionable guest. and
does no work while it remains. Never
theless, it is greatly beloved and there
is no sadder sight than that of a
of SO bidding goodby to his hair.
Women wear their hair as long as
possible. and do 1T up i'm a great va
riety of rolls. coils, loops, braids. puffs,
waves. waterfalls, explosions, cascades,
turrets. colonades, wings, apses and
flying buttresses. Men also wear their
hair as lorg as possible. which ac-
counts for the great prosperity OF hair
tonic manufacturers.
Hair comes In a great many colors.
including black, brown, yellow. grey.
auburn, Titan. blond and onz
Some very frank people also have red
hair. Red hair is noted because of he
prominence with which 1t stands out
on the landscape, and the inflammabil-
ity which it is supposed to impart to
the disposition. Red haired men are
usually good fighters, but this is be-
u they had plenty of practice In
their youth.
Hair is affixed to the scalp in a care
less n Intellectual manner, particu-
iarly in the case of man and after adj
herring to Its owner for a few decades
it usually begins to lose it's grip. This
causes badness, which is sadly alluded
to as a sign of wisdom by a great
many men, whose foreheads sweep ma
~jestically back to their collars. AS a
rule, the hair retreats in an orderly
and dfgnif1ed manner. but occasionally
1t plays a dastardly trick by retiring
from the sides. leaving a small and
lonesome oasis OF hair in the middle of
a vast and shining desert.
Hair is reduced to order by means of
a brush and a comb. by means of which
a neat furrow, called a part" can be
made. Formerly the hair was parted
In the middle, like the republican
party. but men whose heads are heavy
enough to retain their balance under
h strain. now wear the part on one
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

a day every 1873 years. While this gain
would not be enough to cause immed-
late alarm. or depress business. except.
perhaps. on Wall street. astronomers
are fussy, and like to be exact about
such things. So On every hundredth
year not divisible by 400. leap year is
omitted. Thus the year 1900 was not
a leap year, and great suffering re-
suited among the joke takers. How
eyer, the year 20oO VIII be a leap year,
and so will the year 240o. though by
that time scientists Will probably be
running the earth the other way, and
regulating the speed with a push but
on.
We w a great deal to the patient
astronomers, who have stood century
after century. stop watch in hand and
eyes glued To the telescope, Watching
the progress of the earth around the
sun. and announcing to an anxious
world that it is exactly on time. Be-
Tore the astronomical time table was
revived. the earth was as much as IL
days late, II there was great grumb-
lin gall along the line. but this has all
been corrected. Railroad superintend-
ents who are unable to get a train over
100 miles of track and guess within an
hour of its arrival. have Il great deal
TO learn from astronomers.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

But the second girl stepped softly
down the cellar stair, and when she
came to an obstruction, picked 1t up
like Il sensible woman. She carried
it out of doors and almost tainted away.
If it isn't gold." she cried-so loud
that the cook ran out to see what was
the matter. 1T must be my kind lit
tie friend the MIKE who put it there!"
the second girl exclaimed; and it will
pay for my rousseau and set my hus-
band up in business. We'll be as rich
as cheese"
SO she bought fine silks and laces
and got all ready fer the wedding.
BY this time the MIKE was sadly put
to it for a plan, and his face was
screwed up into a humble of hard
knots With thinking. AT last he clapped
his hand IN his knee and shouted, II
have it! I'll put a big bee in the groc-
cry boys bonnet and he'll be too proud
to marry Il servant girl"
So he chose a wonderful purple bee,
with wings of green n yellow, and
the bee stung the s:rocer's boy right
over the left ear, so he saw everything
| very clearly and dreamed dreams that
he had never dreamed before. 1T is
very plain he said to himself. that I
am going to be a multimillionaire. a
Pierpont Morgan financial magnate of
the first water: and equally plain is it
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

smacked her lips and told the cook the
tea was better than King Solomon
served to his wives, and as she frank
it her cheeks grew SO pink and her Eyes
SO bright that she looked p~rettier than
ever.
Thereupon the mike behind the door
doubled up with pain, squeezing him
self so tight that his right foot stuck
In his left y n he had to hop home
on the other leg. TN fix her yeti" he
s%quealed. and once more he Kicked his
way into his underground kingdom and
cut out of the rocks a heavy bar. This
he dragged up to the light of day and
was surprised to find it the color of
sunlight. It'll put it on the cellar
break her pretty nose he exclaimed.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14
VEST POCKET ESSA US
BY George Fitch.
Chicago Illustrations by William Steven.

Chicago is n of the greatest fcats
ever performed by the human race. 1t
Is only 10 years old and yet it is the
NTH city in the world in size and
leads the world in lung Development.
IN 1881 Chicago consisted of II drug
store, Il main street. and 80 signs, ad-
'ertisiis malaria remedies. To-Day il
mas 900 inhabitants. and the city
OF ~ years ago could be successfully
lost ~ the largest OF its six union
depots.
Chicago was founded i'm the swamp
OF the Shores OF Lake Michigan by a
ics of 33d degree hustlcrs. There was
no excuse tor the city. but this didn't
bother lis founders. First they manu-
1actured the Chicago river out OF a
muddy little creek. Then they quilt
railroads. and encouraged people to
build towns along the railroads and
thus provide Il reason for their exist
eIcs. LateY Oh, to sage tima lost by
chiiis and fcver;, they boosted the en-
tue City Is feet into the air. the great
est feat Ut second story work in his
tory. Then they turned their Chicago
RIVER around and made il run back
var in order. to get rid of their sew
erage Finally. because the Illinois
Central railroad would not get off the
lake shore they moved the lake shore
away from 1t. They are now busy re-
.Sising the climate, and il they ever
nave n trouble with their electric
light companies they will probably put
way to get ahead of Il Chicagoan is to
get busy and finish up before he is
born.
Chicago was burned il 1871. with a
o OF 5000. OO0, 900. but business was
orly slightly interfered with for a few
days. TIL city captured the packing
business of the country by loading
hogs f. In an endless railway and
butchering them at a speed of 80 miles
AN hour. II invented the SIX yscraper
In order to save the trouble OF building
thick stone walls. and it spent $780,
100000 In advertising by building a
worlds fair 20 years ago. 1t has put
1000 miles of it's railways on stills to
save wear and tear on it's citizens and
In h late sos when business was dull.
It went out and nnexed 25 towns, four
townships. two rivers, three lakes, a
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14
Virginia

The state OF Virginia ia a pleasant.
Lertlle iand. Watered by rivers with
noble and sOnorOus names and located
below the Potomac river, we'll out of
n frosted ear belt. 1t is shaped like
q railroad snow pillow, and contains 49,
600 square miles. Il great number of
winch are not grand enough to attract
tourists. nor valuable enough to pay
for their board and keep.
virginia occupies a prominent place
In the front row of states in American
history. being perpetually jwostliag with
Massachusetts, for the spotlight. 1t was
hrst settled In 1904, to the intense dis
gust Of Massachusetts. which didn't get
arOund to this duty until 1920. 1t be-
came the greatest Of the colonies, ship
ping vast quantities of tobacco to Eng
land. and containing many great es-
tates we'll stocked with slaves and aris-
tocrats. It o Il very prominent part
was the first American to allude to the
British administration in terms of
6eething dfscOntent. Massachusetts be-
gan h revolution at Concord. but Vir-
ginia finished 1t up at Yorktown. Mass
ac!iusetts supplied Samuel Adams and
John Hancock. but Virginia supplied
George Washington. Massachusetts
chants the praises Of Plymouth and
Miles Standish. but Virginia cme
right back with Jamestown and Cap
tain John Smith. throwing in Poca-
hontns for good measure. Whenever a
Virginia man and a Massachusetts mar
get together and begin discussing his
tory. Andrew Carnegie digs up for an
other wing IN the peace temple at the
Hague.
At the time of the civil war. Virginia
wal the greatest of the southern states.
and Richmond became the capital Of
the ~confederacy. This caused q great
deal Of running to and fro over the
state by infantry. cavalry and artillery
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14
II SOCIAL HOUR.

A Good Reason.
A husband was being arraigned In court
in a suit brought by his wife for cruelty.
II understand. sir" said the judge. adj
dressing the husband. that one of the in
dignities you have showered upon your
wife is that you have not spoken to her
for three years. Is that SOP
1T is. your honor" quickly answered
the husband.
We'll. SIR Numbered the judge, why
didn't you speak to her. may ask ?"
Simply" replied the husband, because
l didn't want to interrupt her"
WeII!
Miss Anna Held speaks excellent Eng
lish, with but the merest trace of a French
accent.
A dramatic editor c~omplimented her on
this head the other day, n she replied:
.Oh. yes, I would rather not speak at
all than not speak correctly. They are so
ludicrous. don't you think, the incorrect
speakers?
II remember once. In Nice. an English
man n a Frenchman were about to sep
arate on he Promenade des Anglais.
The Englishman. as he started toward
the Cercle Mediterranee, called back:
Eau reservoir
"And the Frenchman waved his hand
and answered:
"~'Tanks!"
-
The Main Thing.
At a literary club in Boston one night,
there was an encounter between a Bos-
tonian, processing a love Of art for arts
cake, and F. Marion Crawford the novel
list.
In a slightly ~patronizing manner the
Boston man asked:
"Have you ever aspired to write any
thing, Mr.. Crawford. that will live after
you are gone?"
MY dear cir replied Crawford, with
. broad smile. my principal effort just
! now 10 to write something that will en-
able me to live while I am here"
hamist Indeed Mad.
Richard Mansfield contribute an anec-
dote to the old question Of the sanity OF
| Hamlet. says the Chicago Chronicle.
One morning in the west" he said. II
met q young friend and asked him where
| he had been the night before.
1T went my young friend replied. to
oee 6o-and-so's Hamlet
".Aha, did you?' said 1. Now. tell ne
do you think Hamlet wa mad?'
"T certainly do replied he. There
wasn't 500 In the house"
P~rsea9tions Fer Net Against.
. Lieut.. Frank , who % now the
worlds champion h~alloonist." said an
~aeronaut In New York. "ss Q y0ung maj
with . muscular flGure and . resolute FACE
He ID remarkable In a~cronautics for hia
skull and his prudence.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14
illustrations by William Stevens.

sleeping car trust. four primeval for
ests and Il cattle ranch. 1t is noW
putting its coal wagons and drays
underground. is pushing the lake back
an additional half mile and is making
grand opera pay dividends.
Chicago has 33 railroads and every
on" or them end in the city. Five hun
dred passenger trains n day enter the
city, and I'm each of them the por-
ter announces. 'Chicago. all out" Most
Of these passengers give up trying to
ind the station to which they must
transfer and become permanent resi-
dents. Chicago has n $50. 900 900 uni
versity. an honestly built city han. a
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

that l shall have the prettiest wife in
all the -four hundred"
So he ran and told the second girl,
and they were married next day by q
priest and the NIKE was invited to the
wedding-only he was too mad to go,
and moreover he didn't like priests.
And very soon, indeed, the happy pair
We're living in Il palace and hobnobbing
with all h rich and great. And in less
thar twenty years they married their
beautiful daughter to a real duke, and
bought a seat In the senate and a dia-
mond coronet n a rope of pearls as
big as marbles. And to the very end
of their lives all went merry as a mar
riage bell.
All of which proves that it sometimes
pays to have an enemy.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

s,ore so large that ii furnishes guides
for its customers. M "A baseball team
that has won the pennant five times I'm
six years. The city is dirty, but no
dirtier than any infant. 1t is very
healthy. except to cattle and hogs. The
favorite diversions of Chicago men are
looping the loop. taking political con-
v%entions away from New York, show
ing visitors through the stock yards
and leaving ii million to some Chicago
institution.
Even If you are deaf. it is very easy
to tell a Chicago man by the way in
which he walks over other pedestrians
from behind.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

The 29th OF February is a fine day on
which to practice economy, forgive enc
mics. read German philosophy and do
other d-isagreeable duties. People who
are born on this day have only one
makes them very popular with their
relatives. Among those who have been
born on the 29th of February are Lii
liam Russell. Sarah Bernhardt and
many other hardy perennials.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

Feet
Feet are the terminals Of the human
system, and aus about as much
trouble to their me as any other
kind OF transportation terminals.
Feet were made by turning up the
LEVIED end Of the human frame. thus
enabling man to stand without d prop
after he q discovered the knack. They
consist of a. heel. an instep and Ave
toes. most Of which are perpetually In
surgtng against the administration. A
foot y harder to keep happy and con-
tented with it's surroundings than q
girl who has just returned from coll
fege. full Of higher education.
Moreover, very few toes get along
we'll together. They have no esprit de
corps. 80 to speak. There is continual
friction between them. and this leads
to % much bad feeling and SO many
sore spots. that many q tortured pro-
with sad envy on q wooden legged
friend. Until some international court
Of arbitration IL formed to settle the
claims Of rival toes. which insist OF
occupying the same place at the same
time. man cannot hope for complete
peace and happiness.
Feet : every retiring. seldom APP
6ooes an slippers. This 10 one Of the
great e0urces OF indignation among
1eot. The man who will spend three
1Ays IN having hts shoulders fitted
perfectly q = new coat, will leave the
~ OF 1ettng his test with shoes to .
machine IN Lynn. Mass. which has
newer Geen them and has no interest
Until ehe inveation Of the bicycle.
en- aotoa1oolIG, IT, street car. and the
elevator. eeet we're used extensively for
Vnlneann Nov. h0W1Vor. they are morG
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

the central heating station. it is very
difficult to keep feet properly heated in
cold weather. Frigid feet are one of
the curses Of mankind. They are not
only painful, but nave a sad effect upon
the brain. IL 1t had not been for a ma
tional attack Of cold feet. which swept
over this country mOr than half q
century ago. the northern boundaries
of the United States would now extend
almost to Hudaon,s hay.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

gave lhe nation four of it's first five
presidents and later slipped in the fifth.
OF late years, however. the soil has re-
fused to produce presidents and a ro-
tation of crops has been tried. a cap
tain of industry. Thomas Ryan. having
been produced lately with great sue
cess. Virginia is also getting Interested
in railroads., coal mines and steel mills,
but continues to view the republican
party with almost complete indiffer-
enCe.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

for four years, and the splendid PLAN
tations and fertile valleys got so badly
trampled under foot that they have
never recovered. For many years az
terward Virginia was a sad ruin. but
she has lately been making an earnest
effort to come back and has now passed
the 1000, 900 mark In population.
Virginia's chief crops have been to-
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

year an extra day and called Il leap
year. Az NbeooFy has been stunted
since IT. birth. 4 vas given the new
Howevee. 1ten with the extra day.
tho calendar 0ooo not keep oxnct time
With the sun. vew people realise how
necessary Il has be9n 70 wind 40 ana
regulate tn calendar. WhicA = oensi-
tive - N elght-6Ay clock. With an
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

Feet come in sizes varying from
number or . double "A" last, to
are generally preferred. though they
are not 80 useful. In China they are
20 greatly esteemed. that Chinese wom-
en- wear their c0rsets on their feet.
There has been much Improbable dis
cusst0n - to whore the largest feet
that - q rule. they belong to the most
truthful women.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-03-14

II once heard an inventor describing to
him a rather poor invention in the way
of a safety anchor.
"A safety anchor. eh?' said Lahm,
Well, with that anchor l should be about
as frightened as the old lady in the civ.
scraper hotel.
o being assigned to a room on the
n.nteenth floor. she asked the bell hop ner-
vously If the proprietor had taken any
precautions against fire.
"Yes nam, said the bell hop; he has.
The place is insured for three times its
real value.'"
Big Saving.
LISTEN said the man Of middle age.
He was bending over the palmist, whis-
pering excitedly IN her ear.
LISTEN" he said again. MY wife is
coming to you this afternoon to have her
fortune told. and II you want to make
some money on the side"
He laid a bank note o the tuffed OWLS
head.
Tell her on no account to buy a motor
car, because you read in her palm that she
c.dent."
Enough Hard Luck.
Lancia, the noted italian automobilist.
was asked the other day by a reporter if
he did not think motor racing too dan
gerous.
.Dangerous-ye9" N. Lancia. replied.
"Too dangerous-no. For nothing that
benefits m~ankind-and automobiles benefit
mankind inexpressibly-is too dangerous
for a man to undertake.
II a q good deal Of contempt for men
who are not brave to the point of RASH
ness. I am like q highwayman who held
up a gasoline runabout on the outskirts of
Rome.
This highwayman stopped the runabout
with a shot IN the air. Then he ran forth
from the toni that had concealed him
the holdup happened on the Appian Wav
and found. to his s,H rise, only Z wom-
an in the little car.
Where. madam, e your husband.' he
demanded. sternly and su%spiciously.
under the seat she ansvered.
flushing.
Then, said the highwayman, 4 WON'T
take nothing. It's bad enough to have =
husband like that, without beinr rohhad
into the bargain.'"
Revonoel
From Iskra
One OF the leading tenors In Nroarov
was called pon to sing an opera in vhich
one note wa much too high for him. hut
he got Q man In the orchestra to CONC in
Just at the right time and supply the note.
In exchange the n was to take him to
supper. The plan answered well. the ap-
plause wal loud. but the tenor foFeot m
about the p Next time he ssnr the
opera he went to the front OF the sstasoy
put his hand on his heart. md opened ~
mouth as wide as he could. His dincnn.
nture was great when the expectant hash
was broken by Il voice from the orcheatre
! saving. Nv here's my superb