The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1912-12-18
A TussIe With Rheumatism.
Frank P. Clarkson in the Ida Gro,


Frank P. Clarkson in the Ida Grove
Pioneer: Col. In Flammat tory Rheu-
matism, an old visitor at our house,
stepped in on us unexpectedly just
before midnight last Wednesday, and
for about twenty-fOur hourse it looked
like the holiday rush had arrived all
in a heap. We had entertained our
visitor for some eight weeks last
spring and as result naturally
though this second visit was crowding
us trit1e too fast.
We had been in bed about half an
hour, had forgotten all about the cleo
ton and that football game at Sioux
City, and had just lapsed into the
sleep of the just when, at midnight
we were suddenly awakened by a
certain kind of feeling in our left
shoulder. Maybe you have just
caught cold" suggested the optimistic
spouse, and for half minute we tried
to kid" ourself into that belief, but
there is something about old Mr.. In
Flammatory Rheumatism that makes
him little bit different from any
body else, and once you become well
acquainted you are not likely to mis-
take his identity. Yes; maybe we had
caught cold and maybe it was some
thing else!
The big scrap began right there
and this time We were prepared. Last
spring dad had gone petering off to
Europe to smoke cigarettes with a
monk at Amalfi, and when our visitor
came We had none of the necessary
poison to drop into his breakfast
food, but no more of those slip ups
for us. This time it was just about
two minutes and forty-two seconds. af-
ter the colonel knocked that we got
down the first dose, and the way we
took that stuff the rest of that night
and the next day was some classy
team work. And it did the business
too! Next morning we had old man
rheumatism yelling for help, at noon
he wanted his hat, and the second
morning we had him backed out on
the porch and the door slammed in his
face.
Since that time we have been clean
ing house, physically speaking, and
the work started with the emergency
relief squad was finished up with
enough sodium salicylate to plaster a
church. That is great stuff, but they
ought to call it sodium silly After
We had taken so much of it that the
druggist came down with prescrip-
ton clerks paralysis, we became as
deaf as bat. Evidently the man
who made the medicine knew this
was going to make us lonesome so he
threw in little something for amuse-
ment sake. Anyway, for three days
we imagined that we could constant
ly hear a piano in action and sweet
bands of music. At first we thought
perhaps the close fight in the recent
presidential election had turned our
mind into a sea of chaos-that we had
gone a wee bit daffy, in other words
but the doctor assured us that such
was not the case, and that it all went
with the medicine without any extra
charge for the music. Just to cheer
us up he added that he never knew
a country editor who lost his mind,
and now that he had thought it over
could not recall that he ever knew
country editor who had a mind to
lose.
A tussle with rheumatism is a great
thing-when it is all over and you
are on fairly safe ground again. That
old fellow takes all the false pride
out of your hide, and makes you feel
so humble that the first morning you
get out and walk down town without
ache or pain you look on the world
and it's burden Of human sufferers
a little differently than you did before
and you realize that the man or wo-