Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-12-08

eiXn reldt1OnS cOluultLoc
MIR. President" protested the chair
man of the entertainment committee. II
this sort of thing keeps up and All TN
dead political junk is 20 be collected, tni:
fellow will be here all night I'm goine
10 run him out.
And he did.
Hark Back to Armageddon.
One OF the most elaborate take-offs
of the evening was entitled THE Battle
Of Armageddon." Saul. in patriarch's
beard and biblical costume. strolled into
the hall C'three thousand years after
the battIe'C and surveyed the scene. OBJ
Iivious of the distinguished company
around him. 1t developed that he was
a member OF THE Armageddon Battle
field Commission"
His meditations were interrupted by the
arrival of group of war correspondents
foaming chargers. There was Jona-
than Bourne. correspondent of La FOL
lette's Weekly; Champ Clark. CORE
spondent Of The Commoner: Henry Cabot
Lodge correspondent for the Munsey
newspapers: Mdshipman Gin Pinchot,
aid TO Gen. Perkins. and Col. Henry
Watterson. correspondent Tor Hearst
Champ Clark was the first to tackle
Saul for an interview.
What may your regular occupation
bc?''
IT am a king and have stood many
times at Armageddon."
This is great I'll get you to report
the battle. Signed article and all that.
j write it: you sign it. Bully headlines:
AS Seen by a King-one of them does
the battle OF Arrnageddon for the Com
moner-Special by wireless-Deiayed In
transmission
Name. please?
MY name is Saul
mid ipitialp'f
Il have none
But you've got to have first name"
II rather fancy Theodore. 1t means
the peoples rule.
up-to-date naDe. Woodrow will do.
Woodrow ". Saul, one of our best known
kings: how's that? Politics. please?"
What is politics.
Politics is having the nomination
cincheG and seeing the other fellow get
IT,"
Survey Battle Through Field Glasses
Then up dashed Midshipman Pinchot
with the statement that Gen. Perkins
needed ammunition. and had sent him
for a fountain pen to write a check. Then
all the correspondents began to survey
the battle through their field glasses. tell
ing the din-eyed Saul how the fight was
progressing.
Who is the man on the big horse?"
That's not a horse: that's a bull
moose.
Who are the two men hanging on his
aank?"
ian. the truth tellers."
DO they tell the TRUTH
Say. mister. you're not king; You re
the court jester"
Look look, There on the spreading
l.ix, he, bot ola nd old TT,
the right the general on the antlered ami
NAL dashes toward the large general
seated on the putting green Many men
with strange weapons follow the bull
moose
There is a man on the sidelines who
seems to be sitting on a money chest"
That's Thomas F. Ryan. He's wait
ing for the battle to end so he can settle
all unpaid bills OF the campaign
who are the nine men surrounding
the large man."
They are the members of the Taft
cabinet"
why are they not in the battle?''
They will get into the battle just after
"Af1 the dawn is breaking
That's not the dawn. That's Col. Jim
Ham Lewis
What is that engine of war that spurts
forth smoke and fire.?
That's not an engine OF war. That
Gov. Hiram Johnson
'As / live. there's Joan of Arc"
That isn't Joan of Arc. That's Albert
j. Beverage disguised at Mary Of the
Fineclad Cottage
Look. look, The colonel is trying to
break the solid south.
VIII he break it?''
NO. he'll only break Perkins and Num-
sey:"
''Ah. they are singing
Yes. Bill Finn is leading his forces in
Onward. Christian Soldiers.
The Penrose Legion is singing. too.
What hymn is that
Hail, hail. the gangs all here"
What happened them"
The spear that knows no brother has
failed to recognize its son-in-law.'
HERES old Bill Barnes"
How goes the battle. brother"
This isn't battle; it's an ambush.
"Ha. Uncle Joe Cannon has been dis
mounted
Yes. a fellow named O'Hair did it,
"O'Hair?
We'll. Uncle Joe didn't pronounce it
just that way
Look. the bull moose and it's followers
are fleeing. The man with the golf stick
is preparing TO leave the green.
With that Saul seized a horse from one
of the correspondents. announcing that
he was of 10 Washington to seek job
and that ''he had been a lifelong demo-
crat ever since the battle ended
x4lLS at 9ucSLSs
Naturally. the recent election must fur
nish fruitful theme for byplay, and
II was made the most of by the music
committee of the club IN presenting THE
Bull Moose Fight Set to the engaging
airs of Carmen, d delightful travesty
was offered. arranged as to furnish
hits at some of the prominent guests.
Mexican in torreador costume dis
turbed the dinner by announcing that he
was Don Jorge w. Perkinsario; that bull
fights had become tame across the border
and he was present TO ask permission to
ta..e America bull moose to Mexico.
President Garthe. after whispering to
President Taft. said: Il am assured by
the President of the United States that
YOU can have him and welcome"
Then entered the other Mexicanos, and
at the head was Carmen herself. she OF
the familiar w.les and coQuetries. repre-
senting popular applause, and she sang
this song:
.1:.i am most perfidous dame on earth.
lifting the champions who have fought
my cause.
-AS real name is Popular Applause"
>ts~G am H,storys gay coquette.
Al men me their hearts have set.
- zfd IL hrrs InlrA