davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-04-04
cnLn BATH KILLS ATHLETE.

NEW york.. April 4-Joseph Orlando.
a bicycle rider. who had hopes OF going
to Sweden with the American Olympic
terday. It is believed that be became
overheated, took a cold bath INK died Of
hear shock. He was 80 years old.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-04-04
AMERICAN HORSES WIN ABROAD.

PARIS, April 1.-Two American-owned
horses were successful yesterday at the
race meeting at Saint Cloud. w. K.
Vanderbilt's Rightly won the Prix m
Man and Thomas p. Thorne's Monsieur
Gnerin the Prix de Marcel.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-04-04
cy SMITH LOSES.

ROCHESTER,, n. Y, April 4.-Bobby
Wilson, of Utica, beat Cy Smith. of Ho-
boken, in a fierce ten-round bout last night
in Lockport. In a semi-lnal Bobby Pits
ley, of Norwich, knocked out Kid Carter,
of Omaha, In the second round.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-04-04
AHEAD.

PHILADELPHIA. April 4--Dr. Harris
Of Chicago, defeated Jones, of Phladel
phia, in a national three-cusnion biliarfi
league game here last night, 50 to u
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-04-04
DAVE sHnAN GOES TO LOUISVILLE.

CHICAGO, April 4.-David Shean. utility
inhelder Of the Chicago National League
Baseball Club, was yesterday sold to the
Louisville Club OF the American Associa-
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

A cathedral costing millions of
dollars was built in New York to
worship a Savior in who had no
place he could call home, from the
income mostly from tenement
houses where the death rate from
tuberculosis is so high they are
ashamed to talk about it. Salvation
is free, but in some places, if you
haven't got the money to get up to
the bargain counter, hell is your
home. What a pity it is to be poor
like Jesus was! l.4
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

Some wise sort of a fool down
in South Carolina is building a
plant to extract nitrogen from
the air just like a female dentist
pulling a feller's artificial tooth,
and he is going to manufacture
the air into stable manure with
out having a boss in forty miles
of it.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01
HOWDY! THIS is ME!

Well, boys, just thought you
might like to take a peep at the
bread-and- butter side of my hat
rack, and so here it is. The artist
said he could have made a better
picture if he had had something
better to work from.
This being my birth-month, I
thought it would not be out of
place to stick up my ugliness and
let you-all take peep at it.
Like nearly all other great men,
| selected log cabin to be born
in. The cabin was located on Ber-
ry's Mountain, about four miles
from Moravian Falls, and | be-
came an occupant of that cabin
on SEPTEMBER 18th, 1879-just 9S
years ago by the watch.
| never went to school more
than twelve months in my life,
and have no education except
what | just picked up" here and
yander. Worked on the farm un-
til I was FL, then drifted into the
printing office. My career as a
printer has been full of ups and
downs mostly downs.
Three years ago I had nothing,
and was in debt for that. With
no money, and no way of making
any, I was strictly 'up against
it, if ever a man was. In a fit Of
desperation I started The Fool
Killer, not knowing whether it
would lead to success or starva-
ton. For some unaccountable rea-
son the drotted thing seemed to
have the quits of life in it right
from the start. The very audacity
OF the thing seemed to effect the
public sorter like hitting a man
in the belly with a baseball, and
they thought, by jinkity, they
had better subscribe and see what
in the devil I was up to.
And SO it came to pass that
The. Fool-Killer was a bowling
success right from the jump-go.
The income from it has afforded
me and my widow a fairly decent
living, besides enabling me to
buy several hundred dollars worth
OF printing machinery and fit up
an Office for making Fool Killers
right. -
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01
Let Us Talk 1t
Over

Well, dear sinner friends, this is
The Fool-Killer.
How does it set on your stomach?
If you like it, you can get more at
headquarters.
The Fool-Killer is not even a forty
1eventh cousin to any other paper on
earth
It stands in class by itself, and
fts field is as broad as the English
language.
This paper wears no bell, muzzle,
cellar nor halter.
You can put that down to start with.
! am the fellow who works at the
pump-handle on this pungent period
lcal of thrilling thought. ! print only
what I write; I write only what l
think; and l think what / doggon
please.
/ own this entire establishment,
and Rockefeller isn't rich enough to
buy one share of it.
O0eS LhaI SOunQ strange!
Well, bless your soul, / am a great
deal richer than old John.
I never travelled any to speak of,
but have read a great deal, and have
thunk some.
have also writ few books which
| know are great, because they don't
sell worth a cent
Great books never do.
And then I started The Killer,
Just to quiet my nerves and keep the
Old press from getting rusty.
From the seclusion of these wooded
hills there will go forth each month
. bundle of literary dynamite that
!. will shake the rotten foundations of
society and cause the Church of Nam
mon to at least turn over in it's sleep.
The Fool-Killer will be a monthly
snustard-plaster for the blood -boils of
Beciety, Church and State.
It will be sailed with wit, peppered
With humor and seasoned with sar-
eaMm.
Every line will cut like whip, and
every word will raise blister.
II yon are fool you had better not
Bvhecribs for The Fool-K1ler. IF
yea are wase yoa win. And so xhat
nd0as G. x..
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

Te, he, he! I bet the reason a
rabbit amt got no tail is because
it takes so much to make his ears
that there amt no material left
for his tail.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01
WHY / DON'T PRINT EN-.


Almost every mail brings me
one or more articles for pnblica-
ton IN The Fool Killer. Most Of
these articles are on live subjects,
we'll written and full of good sound
sense, and in every way worthy OF
publication. But the one great
trouble about them is this-they
are not written in Fool Killer
style.'' Some Of them contain more
sense and reason than anything |
can write, but they lack the droll,
sassy. flat footed manner of of ex-
preston which has made The Fool
Killer so popular. The world is
full and running over with good.
smooth, sensible reading matter.
So many thousand writer's are
sending out that kind of stuff that
it simply cannot attract any atten-
ton. Ifa little one-hoss editor like
me expects to be noticed among
all the big guns, he's just got to
kick up his heels and act the fool a
little as he goes along. ] learned
years ago that people would rather
be tickled than taught, and I had
that fact in mind when | started
The Fool-Killer. My plan was to
make a man laugh right big, and
then cram the truth down him
while his mouth was open. It has
worked like charm so far, and I
guess it will continue to work. I'll
risk it, anyhow.
Boys, I would be the gladdest in
the world to print all your letters
and articles which you have been
so kind as to send me, but for the
reasons stated above I simply
can't do it. Fifteen thousand peo-
pie have subscribed to The Fool
Killer for the purpose of reading
my own sassy, fool talk, and I
must try to give them what they
paid for.
Once in awhile | can print a
short, breezy personal letter from
a subscriber, but / positively can't
give space to long, dry, argument
ative articles, no matter how we'll
written.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

The man who works himself
to death to get more money than
he needs reminds me of the garter
snake that died in the attempt to
swallow a dead mule.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

In almost every political con-
vention I read about I see it stat
ed that ''Bedlam Broke Loose. !"
Wonder why in the mischief they
don't tie Bedlam so he can't get
loose?
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

If Bill Taft had been born a
Filipino aud Teddy Roosevelt a
Spaniard, don't you reckon some
things would have been different i?
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

Many women prefer a poodle
dog above all things; others want
a man, but some of them want
him as near poodle as possible,
dog gone it!
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

Say, mister, if you don't like
this paper you can just pacify
your sweet self with the thought
that it wasn't made for you, no
how. There are plenty of others
who do like it.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

Truth is like rubber-if you
stretch the blamed thing too far
it is liable to fly back and hurt
you.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

When Tom Platt made Roose-
welt vice president he certainly
had no conception of what he
was starting.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

There are lots of funny things
to be seen in this world, and a.
mong them is a fat woman sitting
on a little piano stool.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

Let the other papers do the
boosting. The Fool Killers busi-
ness is to knock, and it's hammer
is never idle.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

When I'pass by a mans house
and see the front yard covered
with dog tracks and old dried-up
chaws Of terbacker, I could sit
down on the next stump I come
to and write the whole history of
that family.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

All roads lead to Rome; also all
lead away from it. It depends on
which way you think you are GO
ing.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01
IDIOTORIALS.
The Suffragettes are now re-
ceiving candy and flowers from
all parties.

I Mary had a little lamb, and
now that the price has dropped
alittle, she can have q little more.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

enc year to your heart, Is Cents.
In Clubs of Five or More, Is Cents.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

Tote your Fool l-Killer in your pock-
ct and show it TO everybody you zee.
The fool-killer., 1912-09-01

IDIOTORIALS.
The Suffragettes are now re-
ceiving candy and flowers from
all parties. ,'s(
I Mary had a little lamb, and
now that the price has dropped
a little, she can have q little more.
When Tom Platt made Roose-
velt vice president he certainly
had no conception of what he
was starting.
Let the other papers do the
boosting. The Fool-Killer's busi-
ness is to knock, and it's hammer
is never idle.
Truth is like rubber-if you
stretch the blamed thing too far
it is liable to fly back and hurt
you.
All roads lead to Rome; also all
lead away from it. It depends on
which way you think you are GO
ing.
There are lots Of funny things
to be seen in this world, and a.
mong them is a fat woman sitting
on a little piano stool.
If Bill Taft had been born a
Filipino aud Teddy Roosevelt a
Spaniard, don't you reckon some
things would have been different ?
Many women prefer poodle
dog above all things; others want
a man, but some of them want
him as near a poodle as possible,
dog-g it!
The man who works himself
to death to get more money than
he needs reminds me of the garter
snake that died in the attempt to
swallow a dead mule.
Te, he, he! I bet the reason a
rabbit amt got no tail is because
it takes so much to make his ears
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11
Manu- Fine Cloves For Rutumn
Wear
Wear

AT soc PAIR-Medium weight
ChamOfSette Gloves, KaySer make
black, gray, ehamOiS, White biscuit.
Complete range Of sizes.
AT Use PAIR-Blaek glaee Bid
gloYes, an sizes, special value.
AT S1.OO PAIR-The famous
teFoWnes0 GIaee Kid Gloves, all
sizes IN white, black, tan, gray.
IAT &1e5 PAIR - ~CentemerP
GIaee, S-buttOn gloves, cOlOrS TAM
gray, black, navy, white.
AT SES5 PAIR-White and black
Cane Kid Gloves, spear back one
button, English style
AT S1.5O PAIR-Very fine i'm
DOrted Cape Kid Gloves for street
wear. Made Of specially selected
At s1.es PAIR = @Centemerf"
French Kid Gloves, all sizes In
black, tan, white.
AT SI.98 PAIR-TweIve-bIttOn
GIaee Kid Gloves, all sizes in white.
AT so9s PAIR-Women's fine
white GIaee Kid Gloves, 16-buttOn
Length, Centemen make.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11

With the most complete
" equipped glove depart
menf in this city, we are
prepared to offer you un-
usual service. You can be
most comfortably seated
while making a selection,
and gloves will be expert
ly fitted if desired. We
direct especial attention to
the following excellent
glove values:
AT CSC PAIR-Kayser's Washa-
HE Chamolsette gloves, all sizes IN
black. ehamOIs, gray, white.
AT ssc PAIR-WOmen's 16-but-
ton Isle Gloves in tan and brown.
AT 4se PAIR-Kayser's 16-but-
ton white and ChamOIs washable
ChamOisette Gloves.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11

New lot complete range OF sizes Made OF
good quality muslin and long cloth Danny
trimmings. Con sale Main Floor center)'
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11
/ All Of the Needed Underwear to be + ouFAd IN
| ezzzz.l.zL eos Sraa1es1 Une1erMear Store =

AT 5Oc-Women's bleaehed, nedlum
weight Union Suits, all sizes from "a to a.
AT 5oc-Womens extra M 0n4tan a FeSts
and pants, pure white, heavy COTTON nee'e'
sizes 81 to A.
AT z5c-women's fine bleached cotton
Union SHIFTS. Small rib, very elastic, all sizes
AT S1OO-Women's extra weight Union on
Suits. Full fashioned, heavy fleece, sizes 81
to a.
AT S1oo-womenb s'Merode'' Union
Suits in all regular. sizes. Pure white, sun
ont STYLES Extra sizes in same quality, 20
ATS 1.25 TO $2.oo-Women' 8 s.Merode''
Knit underwear. including Vests, Pants and
Union Suits of Merino, wool-and-cotton, silk
and-wool.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11
Dependable Hosiery

AT 15c PAIR-Boys' and. girls heavy, {
rib, black Stockings, sizes5 toto. y 1E14tli
AT Csc PAIR Mems Silk Lisle 'sNo
seme'' Sox All sizes in black and tan.
AT Csc PAIR Children's ribbed "
Stockings, all sizes in black
AT Csc PAIR-Women' ssNotasem
Stockings, fall weight in black and tan.
AT 25e -Children's ESNotasem
AT 25c PAIR Womenss black Sikh
Hose, Isle tops and soles:!
T SOC PAIR-The famous 4o9K u
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11
New FAN Tailored Waists, csc

Neat tailored Blouses of white Linnene Flaxon anu
Gray Eden Cloth for Office wear Made on new new
models plain tailored, nsleeves sot oeLac LII
lar roll cus Waists especially suitable LOT cary ran
wear, specially priced at CSC
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11
Sc 10 75e Wemen's G0wns, 4se

outing gowns for women in a complete range OF sizes
Wen made garments of good quality outing meGl@m
rines High neck with long sleeves. both with and WIN
out collar Prepage cool weather by suppyins your
needs for these goods you have choice OF Styles anu
i rom our complete new stock. Values from CSC 10
sc Special price, 4scs
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11
Imported Dress Trirnminss At Popular PF'ees

Newest effects and ideas-at the very lowest prices
We feature as e most trimmings Iaces in alloyers
Striking designs in yenise Bohen5a5 nan
Point Russian. MaSrame, Plauen Ratine ,Laces BAN
Frnges Embroidered Nets Edges and Insertions
in Crochet and tatng effects Metallic alloyers and gar
nitures in gold and silver.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11

! : =" 3: : :.
couch beds
etandbe Also Iron Folding
49, an
sansrrine from the finest mattress the
vecomb felt mattress
IF la need line Best Eaae
headquarters
and Spiral Bed Springs represent
hest ont reasonably pFlced
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11
,ie,- r. ~ l.r4e.4 Brass and Melel Bed Store

Brass and Metal Central West Virginia New and I e 70
CONSISTENT
matter what price Beds 800 With up
beds Bakelie' DaH1ard
chemical process be i4Iqred BY
perpiraton. WEAR
o 5aJ store IS ready line OF fine and
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1912-10-11
25e CURTAIN SCRIMS, 15c
WARD.

a large line of-new Faney Curtain SGr ms
beautiful persian band borders and nora Sl+ Do
der designs IN new coIorings. Also trott az! oe
signs. Dcnr overlook this Saturday spec'"''
ION sale, main floor.
The commonwealth. (Greenwood, Miss.) 1896-1923, 1912-08-23
LEVEE BOARD MEETING.

Clarksdale Register The Leyec
Board held meeting in the new domi-
cile of the Board Thursday. TO receive
the report Of the Chief Engineer on the
projected Ieyee work and reyetBent Of
caying banks. and to fix the tax rats
for levee taxes for the current year.
The tax rates were fxed as follows:
IL mills adys1orem on the front coun-
tics; and proportionate rate on the
back counties. which Is 3 8-a mills. The
acre age tax was placed at the maxi
mum or cents per acre,
The recommendations OF the Chief
Engine er were approved, and in ac-
cordance therewjrh an order was pass
ed directing him TO advertise for bids
for building large extension ,pf the
"sub-levee'' system, for security of
treacherous foundations under the le-
wee, which weakness Of foundation
caused all the anxiety and hard high
water work during the recent great
food. The order directed also the ad
vertising Of considerable extent ,of
enlargement work on the main leyee,
the grade of which must be raised
much higher along the entire line of
levee, in response TO tile much higher
flood plane that was developed BY the
late flood.
An order was also passed directing
the President and Chief Engineer to
appear before the Mississippi River
Commission in st. Louis, next week,
and endeavor to effect an agreement
with the River Commissions for mutual
contributions and cooperation between
that body and the Levee Board, in the
work of protecting by nevetment work,
the three badly caving banks on the
river front Of this District, near Sun
flower landing, Star landing and Trot-
ters landing.
The commonwealth. (Greenwood, Miss.) 1896-1923, 1912-08-23
Mr.. J. S. PARKER'S BROTHER
MISSING.

J. S. Parker Of this city informs
The Commonwealth that he is
seriously concerned over the fail
ure to hear hist brother, who
when last heard from was locat-
ed near Isola, engaged in timber
cutting.
Mr.. Parker states that his broth
er's initials are T. w. Parker, and
that he has a wife and six chill
dren, and that he is a small sta
ture, weighing about 1876 pounds,
and that though having searched
for him diligently ever since the
high water in April, cannot ascer-
tain his nor his family's where
abouts.
Any information leading to his
whereabouts will be greatly ap-
preciated and rewarded by him.
The commonwealth. (Greenwood, Miss.) 1896-1923, 1912-08-23
ANOTHER ACCIDENT AT CAMP.

During the closing hours of the en-
campment another accident occurred
which, while not serious, was very
painful. Friday morning about II
o'clock while standing near a garbage
fire, Private David S. Humphreys was
painfully cut by flying glass from a
bursting bottle which had been thrown
in the fire. His injuries are very pain
full, but not serious.
Investigation developed the fact that
some one had placed blank cart
ridge in large bottle and in clearing
the trash from the grounds the bottle
was thrown in the fire and on becoming
heated the cartridge exploded violently,
bursting the bottle. Mr.. Humphreys
was standing near and the flying glass
struck him about the neck and face and
left arm, inaicting several ugly gashes.
He was removed to the field hospital
where he received medical attention.
Mr.. Humphreys is member of the
Greenwood Company G, Third Regi-
ment and Is the son of the late DR.. d.
S. Humphreys Of Greenwood. His in
juries are not serious and he was able
to return home with his company Fri
day, Columbus Dispatch.
The commonwealth. (Greenwood, Miss.) 1896-1923, 1912-08-23
THIS STORE WON'T GUARANTEE
CALOMEL.

But We Have Liver Medicine That
We Do Guarantee With Money
Back Offer.
The next time you think you need
dose of calomel, don't take It. Even II
you have taken It often before, this
might be the very dose that would sal
ivate you. Its use is sometimes fol-
lowed by dangerous after-effects. If
you are constipated or bilious or If your
liver has gotten lazy and inactive two
or three doses of Dodson's Liver Tone,
pleasant tasted vegetable liquid, will
make you feel like new"
We would not recommend Dodson's
Liver-Tone in place Of ealomel II we
were not willing to fully guarantee it.
So anybody who buys bottle of Dod-
sons Liver-Tone at S. L. Raines drug
store and does not find it perfect sub
stitute for calomel may come into the
store any day and get his or her money
back.
1t has absolutely no bad after-effects
and is harmless for children as well as
grown-ups.
The commonwealth. (Greenwood, Miss.) 1896-1923, 1912-08-23
GREENWOOD RIFLES AT

Greenwood Rifles of the Third
Regiment of the Mississippi Nat
ional Guard arrived home last
Saturday morning at daylight
from their encampment at Colum-
bus, all reporting a successful and
pleasant stay of it. Especially
were they laudable in their ex-
preston of the treatment accord
ed them by the citizens Of Column
bus.
While in camp, the Greenwood
Rifles were spoken of in glowing
terms by the officers in command,
complimenting their efficiency and
splendid conduct, all of which at
tracted general esteem and COM
mendation.
Greenwood is proud of the
splendid showing made by the
company, and take special pride
in hearing praises Of their CON
nection, with the encampment,
The commonwealth. (Greenwood, Miss.) 1896-1923, 1912-08-23
ALONG-F NEED FILLED.

Greenwood has always been in
need OF real uptodate market,
one at which at all times and at
all seasons the choicest of Kansas
City and all other varieties of pal
atable meats and produce are
available, and the public are glad
to know that such a market has
opened in Greenwood.
MeSsrs. Sam X Coleman Jr and
! Frank Armstrong have formed
q partnership and have occupied
Braddock's old tin shop on corner
Main street and Carrollton avenue
which has beer specially renovat-
ed for a meat market that will
sand the closest scrutiny from an
exacting health officer, and better
nor more modern equipments can
be had.
One Of the principal features Of
the market is its refrigerating
plant installed, which eliminates
melting of ice and unsanitariness
incident to the meat boxes being
improperly iced. This plant keeps
the meats properly iced, and the
old method of ice running low
and constant refilling is done away
with and the freshness of meats
preserved.
Sufficient capital is invested in
this market to always have the
cho icest Of all meat varieties when
you phone your wants, and it is
going to be delivered promptly.
All orders will be filled on a col
lect on delivery basis, and your
patronage is asked to make such
an establishment Of its quality
profitable.
The commonwealth. (Greenwood, Miss.) 1896-1923, 1912-08-23
FROM MISSIONARY BULLETIN:

"Woman's work in West Soo-
chow, China, grows more and
more encouraging. Often as many
as eighteen heather women are
present, who listen most eagerly
to the explanation Of the Scrip
lures. New homes are constantly
being opened for service. Kitchen
gods and other idols are constant
ly being destroyed. The enroll
ment Of our schools in China is
larger than ever before. The In
dustrial School at Soochow furn-
ishes a living for nearly 200 wo-
men. II there were space in the
building, 500 skillful, poverty
stricken women would rush to
the place for work. Many who
enter the school are saved for
God and his service. A well.
equipped medical school for Chi,
nese women in Soochow can be
filled to overflowing. Who will
take shares in the equipment ?"
Press Supt. Missionary Society