davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
wantsd Minute EvIdsnos.

Orfla, the celebrated doctor, being
examined as an expert" on a capital
trial, was asked by the president
whether he could tell what quantity
of arsenic was requisite to kill fly.
The doctor replied
Certainly, M. lie President. But
must know beforehand the age of
the fly, its sex, its temperament. its
condition and habit of body. whether
married or single, widow or spinster,
widower or bachelor. When satisfied
on these points l can answer your
question"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
Too True.

II can't understand why you wish
to lavish your affection on a dog.
Why don't you adopt child?"
"Oh, should be afraid to become
fond of child. II 1t should die one
couldn't have It stuffed and put in
corner of the library, you know"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
Handy to Have Around.

Are you one of those who believe
the dog is mans most faithful friend?"
Il must admit that / am not"
Then you, take it, do not keep a
dog?"
"oh. yes. keep. one, but not be-
cause I like the brutes. 1t happens
that the one have always howsl
numerically when my wife tries to
sing"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
Clever Host.

WBse-We had quit a prominent
actress as a guest at our house the
other evening.
Recommendations! Didn't you find
ii hard to entertain her?
Wise-Oh, no! She amused herself
for hours. We just handed her a
bunch of photographs, among which
we're several of her own.-Catholic
Standard and Times.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

There is absolutely no use 10 talk
to me about woman suffrage"
Really, old man. I cannot under
stand why you oppose 1t so strongly"
well, I'll tell you. was In a
clothing store last week looking at
some neckties when a woman came
in and told one of the clerks she
wanted to buy collar for her dog"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
The Difference.

"Pop!"
Eyes, my SON"
when man talks a great deal
what Is he called?"
An orator, my boy"
And when a woman talks a good
deal. what IL she called?"
"A nuisance. "-Yonkers Statesman
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
obscured Identity.

Judge Locke. presiding Judge Of the
federal court. first district of Florida,
was annoyed at seeing one of the at.
torneys, attendant upon sitting of
the court, put his feet upon the desk
in front of the one at which he was
seated.
Marshal" roared his honor, you
will oblige me by Identifying the legs
to which those feet belong!"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
As to Hypnotism.

do you know anything about hyp-
We'll" replied the pink-gowned girl,
of her friend in the pink linen gown
WELL" replied the fiuffy-haired one
as she held up her left hand to display
a sparkling solitaire to better advan-
tage, you can Judge for yourself"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
Sure Of Himself.

Aren't you afraid you may become
slave to the smoking habit?",
mo. | can quit whenever | want
to-"
How do you know that7 Have you
ever tried It "
mo; but I've cured myself of the
habit of voting for every candidate
who is nominated by the political
party to which belong. aud a man
must have strong will to do that"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Another sign Of reverting to the
savage period of the race is intimated
In the suggestion offered by members
of the physicians meeting that kissing
be abolished by law as unsanitary and
q salutation by rubbing noses or fore
heads be substituted. Science seems
to be advancing like crab backward
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

over in New York an alimony claim
for s28.445 was sold at auction for
800. This does not sound like a
sporting proposition. 1t looks more
like a donation.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
She Would Order 1t.

Bridget-Say, miss, l haven't elbow
grease to scrub that floor this after
noon.
Young Mistress-Very we'll Bridget,
I'll have John send you up some the
first thing in the morning.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

People who complained of the heat
during the past few days should have
their attention and memory directed to
The records of year ago. Having re-
calico the temperatures of that tor
rid interval they will be duly thank.
full that they are alive this year.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

A denizen of a Detroit boarding
house demands that his room rent be
returned because he has been forced
to kill $4,000 bedbugs. If he does
not have a care he will be arrested for
hunting without a license
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

New York fisherman claims that
deep sea turtle swallowed his hook
and dragged him to the bottom of ia
maica bay. He admits that he was
soused with sea water, but there are
those who harbor other suspicious.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

1t is said that girl scouts must learn
10 bake bread. wash and iron. do sim
pie cooking. build a coal fire. darn
socks and take care of babies But
what's the use? Girls who can do all
OF those things don't have to do any
scouting
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Students of the University of Chi
cago have been forbidden to use tooth.
picks in public II this sort of thing
keeps up, Chicago will soon be de-
prived of all its distinguishing charac.
teristics.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
Best =
Method OF
Furnishing
Young
Child


did what told him do Make the simply
kindly and firmly.
average parent angry extent when he undertakes
nAct corporal punishment In which he is condition per-
form the act
roughly he handles the child
of kindness and rmness together with the very
judgment your command in caring for the little the
of them when you again become the child your doag
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

A Pennsylvania farmer says he has
a flock OF hens that can run the mu-
steal scale. but what we want in our
hens is less artistic temperament and
more egg laying ability.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

A New Jersey man has been fined
for allowing mosquitoes to breed on
his land But how can a man dispense
O flock of Jersey skeeters unless he
be armed with a Satling gum
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

There are nearly $4,000 lawyers in
active practice in New York city No
wonder some Of the people there pre-
fer to settle their disputes on the
streets with revolvers.s
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
Self Taught.

Irate Father-Ill teach you to kiss
my daughter.
Young man-Not necessary, sir; I
have just learned-Tit- Bits.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

One pleasurable form of summer va
cation is to spend two weeks on one Of
those scout cruisers now engaged in
hunting icebergs.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

There is no hook-worm in Central Texas,
where / live, but there is an occasional man.
Hesitation of the disease in some of the
Neither have any cases of infantile paral-
ysis appeared in my section, but I am sorry
to say that we have had few fatal cases of
pellagra.
The theory that the eating of corn gives
rise to pellagra is utterly fallaeious and the
most scientific men of the profession utterly
reject it.
Corn is one of the most wholesome and
nutritious articles of food known to the hn
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
Why7

George, don't you think, now that
your salary has been raised, we can
have an automobile?"
"Oh, suppose we can have one, II
we wish, but why be SO common"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

A suit brought in 1926 has just been
settled. There must have been some
Of the laws delays in the good old
times. too.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

We are becoming a spry and spright-
iy people. science finds. A reflex, no
doubt, OF the agility acquired in dodg-
ing automobiles.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
He Knew.

Willie-Paw, what is tact?
Paw-Tact is thinking that a man
is liar when you are afraid to tell
him so.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Is the large increase in business
shown by the Indianapolis postoffice
for the fiscal year evidence OF the in
dustry of Indiana's authors7
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Why bother to water the plants
while wife In away? It's much easier
to buy her a new set just before abe Is
expected home.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

An Austrian count has gone into
bankruptcy with assets of $7.20. 1t
looks as If some American heiress
might get bargain there.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

When a small boy can go around all
day attired in nothing but cotton
bathing suit the amenities Of civiliza-
ton do not greatly bother him.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
skeptical.

Miss Puffs-She has fine hair. She
can sit ON It,
Miss Psyche-You mean when she
takes 1t of.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

A French town has proposed grad
uated tax on fat residents, those under
1876 pounds being tax free. The weight
of opinion is against 1t.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

In Germany. too. the birth rate II
declining. Is the whole human race
going to commit suicide?
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

A London suffragette who donned
male attire had her shins kicked by
a mob. Even the hobble skirt has its
advantages
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Why whip the children when there is
another method? And never threaten the
children. To do SO places one under an
unpleasant obligation. When the child
does something that he should not, simply
say to him in kind way, do not do
that" Then, provided the offense is com
mitted again, you are at liberty to make
choice of punishments as you choose
One of the finest methods is, after the
deed, to ask: "Did not I tell you not to do
that?" After a while the child will ask
you for favor and you can then refuse
him by saying that he cannot have it be-
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
pas Rather INDEFINITE.

PA, what Is an anachronism?"
"oh, that's something or other smart
people are always finding In Shake
speare's works. Now. run along and
play"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Perhaps II the weather bureau will
take an interlude in its prediction Of
showers. the perverse skies might ia
vor US.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Not until his wife goes away on q
vacation does a man fully realize the
Joys of poker as a summer sport
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Conflicting emotions sway the girl
who is delight to the eye In bath
ing suit but who freckles In the sum-
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

The tides ebb and fiow in political
battles, but the fly gets swatted all
the time
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

New York has again given evidence
OF its dislike of dead ones by avert
fng the hearse drivers strike.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Another way to avoid sunstroke 10
TO let somebody else do the political
wrangling.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

A historian claims that the liberty
bell is a myth. but our English breth-
rem have reason to suspect otherwise.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Airship or aeroplane. They can
both become engines of death when
the unforeseen happens.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Air pockets continue to cause trou;
bic. but nobody ever tries to pick
them
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Some people go on picnics and 9th
ers get their shower baths at home.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Mark the returned vacationer By
his tan ye shall know him
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

only saw her own humiliation and no amount of
ing would induce her to go back to Sunday school,
Fortunately moved from the city and she has for
gotten it. She goes to Sunday school and dresses
better than afford to dress at the expense of
our table. We decided it would be hunger-ache or
heartache and SO chose the former. 1t was
a most difficult problem, but we think it has
been solved
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Old General Humidity is once more
In supreme command OF all the forces
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30

Bathing suits are made to 1T the
occasion.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-08-30
False
and
Harmful
Theory
of Texas


and pity that this absurd doctrine given
rency.
stunning would be well if times present
of it consumed
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02
A DIOGENES WHO.
LIVES in A
HOUSE
DRESDEN MAN TEACHES NEIGH.
HoRs HOW 70 "Do WITH
ouTn

Dresden, Aug. 2.-Among the queer
est folk counted as citizens Of the sax
on capital is Johann schiefer, the Dio-
genes Of Dresden, as he is called,
though in reality he lives at Kleinscha-
chiwita. which Is hardly even suburb
ban.
In the middle Of the Kings Alley, !"
in an avenue of chestnut trees, stand
little one-story house, apparently
completely deserted. There are no
curtains in its oId-fashioned windows,
the glass, in many cases broken away,
is replaced by boards screwed to the
frames. The nail-studded front door
is never opened and is bolted and
barred. No smoke ever rises from the
single chimney and no light ever ap-
pears in the rooms.
Yet It is the home Of the Dresden
Diogenes, rich man and yet not a
miser, The street Arabs call the
house the robbers cave" but the Dio-
genes is anything but a robber. He
lives alone now and occupies only the
cellar of the little cottage. Formerly
he lived here with his wife, who shar-
ed his stole views.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02

He breaches. and practices the doc
trine OF doing without" He does
without meat, fire, bed, light, and in
fact most OF the things which even the
poorest Of the inhabitants Of Dresden
count necessaries. He pores over an
cient tones during the daylight hours,
and enunciates to those that seek him
modern versions Of ancient stole and
cynic philosophy. He Is not allowed
by the police to live in q tub. nor to
do quite without clothes, otherwise he
would desert even his cellar. He
gives away money in cases where, ac-
cording to his doctrine, there is rear
son for the petitioner to require some
thing, as In cases Of sickness, and he
makes no attempt to conceal the fact
that he is a comparatively wealthy
man. He states his income for taxa
tion at over $4,000 year. The in.
come tax commissioners believe It is
really much larger, though they admit
that the man states what he believes
to be the facts.
Except to a very small extent much
money or little are terms that really
have no longer any meaning to him
His cellar is scrupulousIy clean. so
there is no offense. He is also per-
fectly sane and scholar, and despite
his great age and privations he is very
muscular This was discovered the
other day when, for the third time in
a year, some burglars broke into his
house in the hopes OF finding great
stores Of coin boarded up They came
upon the old man in the cellar and
demanded money at the pistols mouth.
Il have only a few marks here" said
Diogenes, pointing to his knitted dou-
BILE purse with brass ring which lay
on the floor in a corner.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02
KENTUCKY CONTESTS. q

Louisville, KY, Aug. 2.-Some live
ly political contests will be settled IN
the Kentucky primaries tomorrow for
the nomination Of repr sentatives in
congress. Nominations will be made
in all Of the districts excepting the
Sixth and the Seventh, In which Rep
resentatives Rouse and cantrill were
renominated before the enactment Of
the state primary law.
In the First district there are sew
eraI candidates for the seat Of Ollie
M. James, who has been elevated to
the senate. In the Second district
Representative Stanley, democrat,
has no opposition for denomination.
In the Third district Representative
Thomas is opposed for the democrat
ic nomination by John s. Rhea, well
known politician. Congressman john
son Of the Fourth and Congressman
sherIey Of the Fifth district are un-
opposed for denomination. Congress
man Helm faces strong opposition
for denomination in the Eighth. Con
gressman Fields Of the Ninth also
has opposition. The Tenth and
Eleventh districts are strongly re
publican. Representative John W.
Langley will be renominated in the
Tenth and Caleb Powers in the Elev-
enth.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02

The burglars took the purse and
then attacked the old man, hoping TO
torture him into telling them where
he kept his "miser's hoard, Diogenes
easily laid them out with his fists.
AS they emerged very damaged, the
police got them, and a few days later
they were sentenced to long terms In
the penitentiary.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02

Ing will mark the re-entry Of Pitts
burgh into the grand circuit after an
absence Of nearly 20 years. with sub
stantial purses promised for each day
and the fastest horses on the circuit
entered. the management is looking
forward with confidence to a success
ful meeting. Most interest centers in
the MatrOn stake Of $4,000 for 8-year-
olds, which has been placed on the
card for the opening day.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02

"A. s. Jones, Of the Lee Pharmacy,
Chico, Cal, who has handled Foley &
Co.'S medicines for many years, says:
Il consider that Foley's Honey and
Tar Compound has no equal. and is the
one cough medicine can recommend
as containing no narcotics or other
harmful properties" The genuine in
a yellow package. 0. @. Schaefer and
Red Cross Drug Store.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02
IRRIGATION MEET.
TO BE A BIG
AFFAIR
PLANS ARE BEING LAID FOR j
GREAT SESSION IN SALT
LAKE CITY

Salt Lake City, Utah, August 2.--In
the 21 years Of the history Of the Ma
tionaI Irrigation congress, there never
has been another time when such wide
spread interest was manifested in the
splendid work Of that organization as
is now shown in its twentieth session,
which ls ID be held in this city Sep
tember 80 to October 3, 1912.
There is cause for this nationwide
interest, because out OF the irrigation
enterprises promoted and fostered un-
der advocacy Of the congress has come
magnificent contribution to the wealth
Of the country. Not only have the
arid land states received benefit from
the activities Of the congress, but ev-
cry other commonwealth in the Union
has been directly or Indirectly BEN
eficiary.
AT the approaching session, accord
ing to the official call sent out by
President Francis G. Newlands and
Secretary Arthur Hooker, there is to
be consideration of further matters
directly affecting the welfare Of the
country To be considered are the
best methods for storing flood waters
and measuring streams; provision for
scientific investigation of irrigation
projects; uniform irrigation laws; the
preservation Of the forests; opportuni-
ties for building new homes; elimina-
tion by law Of fraud in connection
with the location and sale of land;
close cooperation Of government and
state immigration officials; co-opera-
tion among state engineers; needing
the call Of the landless man for the
manless land.
In the realm of amusement, too,
there will be diversion in magnifi-
cent illuminated parade, the re-advent
Of the Wizard Of Wasatch with his
gay pageantry, singing Of the Ode to
Irrigation at the famous Mormon tab
ernacle, expositions of agricultural,
horticultural, livestock. mining and
manufactured products. There will al
SO be the crowning of the Irrigation
Queen, who is to be selected from
among the beautiful women of the
mountain west The parades will be
characterized by magnificent floats,
representing the growth and present
splendor Of the country's industrial
progress.
Major Richard w. Young, chairman
Of the executive committee, and
George A. snow, chairman of the Utah
board Of control, are making every
provision for proper entertainment Of
guests during the convention period,
and their efforts are generously sup
ported by the governor of Utah, boards
Of county commissioners, officials of
smaller cities and towns, and the
mayor, commissioners and commercial
club Of the city Of Salt Lake.
It was in Utah 65 wears ago that
the modern system Of irrigation had
its small beginning; and it was in
Salt Lake City 81 years ago that the
National Irrigation congress held lis
first session. On these accounts the
twentieth session of the congress is
attracting to itself the appreciation
and interest Of the entire country.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02

relief and strengthened him wonder
fully. T have been bothered with
weak Kidneys and bladder trouble and
suffered much pain. Foley Kidney
Pills gave me immediate relief ana
strengthened me wonderfully. am
pleased to recommend their use." o.
G. Schaefer and Red Cross Drug Store.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02
FIGHTS FOR TONIGHT

Buck Grouse VS. Jack McCarren, 6
rounds, at Philadelphia.
Frank Conley vs. Sally Salvatore, 20
rounds at Sacramento
Terry Nelson vs.. Tommy Devlin, s
rounds, at Nashville.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02

Robert W. Herter, LawrenceviIle.
Mo, who had been bothered with kid
ney trouble for two years. says: 4
tried three different kinds of kidney
pills but with no relief My neighbor
told me to use Foley Kidney Pills, I
took three bottles Of them, and got a
permanent cure. recommend them
to everybody o. g. Schaefer and
Red Cross Drug Store
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02

READY TO RACE AT PITTssBURGH
Pittsburgh, Pa, Aug. 2. The Pitts
burgh Driving club has everything in
readiness for the opening OF the big
trotting meeting at the Brunot's is
land track next Monday. The meet
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02

DR.. G. H. Ellsworth Dentist, 16
Baldwin ST., Rochester, N. Y, says Fo-
ley's Kidney pills gave him immediate
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02


inh his wld
In
of the
Las Vegas optic., 1912-08-02

Read The opese