The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-11-29
APARSON'S
REMEDY
By M. QUAD
Copyright 1912, by Associated Lit
ernry Press.


necticut village. She was a childless
woman of forty-five and the villagers
liked her looks and gave her welcome.
For five or six weeks all went well,
and then the widow broke out.
A villager who had done some paint
ing for the widow called for his money.
she opened fire on him at once. After
tongue lashing him for five minutes
she picked up a club and drove him
from the premises. She had garden,
and she had given Il neighbor permiS.
sion to cut the grass for his cow. lie
was cutting away when the woman de.
scended upon him and gave him a cuff
on the ear and rushed him out of the
yard a much frightened man. The gro
Ger happened to be passing, and he
halted at the gate TO see the fun. Mrs.
Goodhue walked out to him and said:
''See here, you baboon faced son OF
a gun, you trot right on or I'll break
your knees"
The grocer stood with mouth open
and wondered If he had heard Alright
Didn't tell you to trot?' demanded
the widow as she whirled him around
and administered kick that raised his
heels six inches from the ground.
Across the street a carpenter was
building a fence. AS he hammered
away a shadow fell across his feet At
the same time a stick fell upon his
head.
What! What's this?" he asked rs
he whirled around.
TOO much darned noise" replied the
woman.
why, lady, have got to hammer in
the nslls"
"Then I've got to hammer you with
this stick!''
And she sailed in and drove him from
his job, and, like the grass cutter and
the grocer, he went away to spread the
report that the Widow Goodhue had
gone plumb crazy. The facts in the
matter later reached the ears of DR..
Beazler, the oldest practitioner in the
county and an acknowledged authority
On mental diseases, and he made call
to see how bad the case was. He
found the patient seated on the floor
IN the middle Of the room, with her
hair down and broken chair beside
her. At the first glance he decided that
she was crazy.
"Well" she asked after they had
stared at each other for half a minute.
You are not feeling very well?' he
half queried.
"You are an Internal liarr she
promptly replied.
DR.. Beazler smiled like the bloom on
bull thistle and sat down. AS he sat
down the widow jumped up. He read
his peril in her eyes and made a bolt
for the door and got most of his body
outside before her foot hit the rest of
1t. That settled 1t. The newcomer
was as crazy as March, April or May
hare She must be restrained. The
law must be appealed to. The village
was agog over the news, but it had
something more coming to it. Next
day and before any steps had been
taken the smiling and good natured
widow was asking the neighbor why
he didn't cut more grass for his cow
She was at the grocery ordering big
bill of eatables. She was bowling to
DR.. Beazler across the street, and she
repaid three or four social calls. Crazy?
Why, the person that said so must be
a born fool She was just lovely, she
was.
Five times in one year the widow
had those queer spells. Then the good
Deacon Watkins came from a distance
of nine miles to court her and win her
hand and carry her off to Medina. 1t
was all done in six weeks time, and
none Of the villagers posted the wooer
as to those strange spells. He had
been a bridegroom for several weeks
and was still feeling mushy when one
of them came on and gave him the
surprise of his life. He was cuffed
and kicked down cellar and upstairs
and out OF the house, and for two days
he ate raw turnips and slept in the
barn. Then peace and love were re-
stored and all went merrily. There
were four outbreaks before the deacon
began to think of divorce. Then he
went to his pastor to talk things over
"She doesn't get hold Of liquor?" ask p
cd the parson.
mot drop; not even cider"
"Was there insanity in her family?"
"She says not"
Deacon, you run the house, don't
you" asked the parson.
Yes, kinder-that is, guess / do"
(Which means that your wife does"
"Um"
The parson reflected for FIVE min
utes, and then for FIVE more he was
busy whispering into the deacon's
right ear. Then the deacon smiled
and nodded and went home. The next
day the parson went on his vacation,
and it was six weeks before they met
again.
"Well?" asked the parson.
"She started in to have another"