davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17
HU14OR or THE D\Y

Fair worshiper-what is that sad. sal
air you're playing, professor? The pro-
fessor-Dat ISIS Beethoven's Farewell to
the Piano" 1 see dose installment people
coming nit der van.-Puck-
"Ab, meP' exclaimed Mrs. Naggett, my
shopping was most unsatisfactory to-
day" "Huhr' grunted Naggett; trying
to get something for nothing, 1 suppose?'
Yes. dear; was after a birthday gift
for you
Dobbs-So you're living in the country,
Ell! What kind of neighbors have you {?
Great Scott, we haven't a thing they don't
desire, especially in the way OF gardening
implements.
A moderately fond father discovered his
young hopeful reading a dime novel. I'm
hand me, villain" the detected by thun-
Z red, ''or there will be bloodshedfs
NO. said the father grimly, tightening
his hold on his sons collar. Not blood
shed-woodshed."
What is the matter, dearest2'' asked
the mother of a small girl who had been
discovered crying in the hall. '6omefing
is it, sweetheart?" My d-doII-babv GOT
away from me and broked a plate in the
PANTRY. Ljppincotts.
"A stenographer," said Sneerweu
seems to be the only woman to whom q
man can dictate nowadays.'-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

TF'rom the New York Press.1
The worst evil about money is not to
have any.
On bathing beach a woman is afraid
to have anybody see her neck and in a
ballroom her legs.
A girls idea of a really poetic sutton is
if he rhymes her eyes like stars with
loves pure vows.
Arguments between two people are al
ways awfully one-sided, because one al
ways has a louder voice than the other.
The reason a woman alone in the house
is not afraid of a burglar downstairs is
she'll bet it's her husband coming home
late, as usual.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17
ALONE.

The roses are faded and gone;
Their fragrance has waned to decay;
The bird that sang mathis has flown
And the OLD Year stands grizzled and
gray.
l loved them, these summer-born friends
So lovely to know and to see,
1 loved end lost, and thus ends
The beauty that flourished for me.
They are dead: yet nnger along
The wind-swept ravine where they
sleep
1 grieve for the fragrance and song
But it is not DER these that weep;
'Tis DER eyes I have known, now grown
dim,
And Ger lips have kissed, now grown
still
For n mound that has never been green
Lies buried in snow on the hill.
FLOYD D. RAE,
st. Louis Park, MINI.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Some local advertiser wants a good
plain woman cook. AS we take it,
the wife must endorse, and no hand
picked peaches need apply.
The late Hon Bacon held that read
ing maketh a full man. But Bacon
did not live in a dry state and was
not subjected to a flood of Kansas City
with the glowing Christmas offers from
the K. c. nux vomica district.
Helen Gould is to be married.
Helen according to the almanac and
other light literature on the subject,
IS "A years old; She has gotten along
Nicely since she attained a marriage
! able age, by spending her income on
thousands instead of one. She has en-
! Joyed her good work, and has lent a
SANITY perfume to a name that was
otherwise permeated with the odor
or cash. And now, we hold that she
| Is entitled to any little extravaganza
| she may desire. If she wants one man
she is entitled to him. If she wanted
anything else she ought to have it
If the moon IS made of a certain kind
of cheese, and Miss Gould desires a sand
wich of that particular brand of cheese,
committee of aviators should go get
slice.
1t appears a cushion has been pro-
vided for Mr.. Dolley to land on. AS
an extra precaution, the said pillow
should be placed on the hard, cruel
pavement just east of the state house
steps about the time Hon Hodges
moves in.
Near-President Wilson steered the
good ship Bermudian for several hours
while returning from his vacation, and
If he keeps as straight course while
steering the ship of state through the
next four years as he did while steer
Goldfish ranch, he will be at the wheel
when we are eight years older.
Pick Smiths book will be out in
few days. We have seen the copy, and
approve the cute little volume filed
with Picksmithian Jokes and rhymes
He calls it "A Dozen Raw"-a misno-
mer,-for it is well done.
Fizzy and fuzzy mineral water was
a large item in the congressional ex-
pense account. But the taxpayer
should not expect a congressman tic
worry along through a long, tedious
session with hydrant water chaSerS.
AS to the report that one Willie
Kohelmanen ran Is miles in an hour
and q minutes; we cawnt undaW-
stand it. He ran in Boston-on a
circular track. Headed due west from
Boston, there might be some sense to
a sprint like that,-but to run Is miles
at that speed and THEN wind up in
Boston is more than we can grasp at
one grasp.
Gov Sulzer says women love knock
kneed men. That is enough to make
an original ''knocker,'' who was re-
modelled into a bow-leg by fussy
mustang, hate horses all the rest of
his life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

more"
Hell pay forty. or have mighty
Dig lawsuit on his hands!"
shall take the lady's advice" said
Take it and be darned to you, and
see how you come out! I am going
after the constable
will he raise a row." was asked
of the girl, as the farmer started
away.
Yes, he will sue you for damages"
must have witnessed the ac-
cident- Was it my fault %
That's according to the point of
fault; as your attorney, I should try
and make out that it was all your
fault; as your attorney, I should try
not1 e, however, that L am not bid
ding for a CASE
Mr.. Fisk looked at her in a puzzled
way for a minute and then queried:
Does it happen that you are the
lady lawyer of the village-Miss Ben
nett? %
yes"
'T am Mr. Fisk, the latest arrival
among the legal talent"
When they had shaken hands the
girl said:
you will have to leave your auto
here and send for it. You can ride
, to town with me. The man will surely
b"~i suit against you, but as you are
a lawyer, you will know how to de-
fend it."
'Will you be witness for me? %
II couldn't help your case any. As
a matter of fact, don't see how you
came to run into the COW when there
was room to spare. am afraid the
driver"
las lawyer haven't had a case
yet"
"And I am sure to get beaten in
this case.''
Looks that way"
i've minutes passed in silence and
then Mr.. Fisk produced his wallet and
extracted a $40 bill therefrom and
handed it over with the remark:
Your retainer"
But you must take the case and
call me as a witness. Otherwise I
a. beaten at the start. You must also
acce~t a regular fee.''
Ae farmer wasted no time in
bringing suit for damages to property
and the lawyer he went to and related
the particulars rubbed his hands and
replied:
IT will win the case for you in a
canter!'
When the suit came up LAWYER Ben
nett knew she had a case where the
odds were 10 to 1 against her, After
the matter had been talked over it
was decided not to put Mr.. Fisk on
the stand. He would have to ac-
knowledge his carelessness in running
a COW down in broad daylight. That
he was distracted would be no ex-
cuse.
When the farmer had testified, Miss
Bennett asked:
Mr.. Davis, was your cow blind ?"
mo, SIR
How do you. know she wasn't?'
'CauSe-cauSe-'
Had you tested her eyesight ?'
mo, but she got around"
$50 does a blind man. Mr. White
did you notice the COW as she stood
| there before being struck"
mo"
f'Then she might have been dead.
for all you Notwithstanding there
| dead. There have been many such
cases. Your honor, we have finished.
Our claim is that the COW was either
blind, deaf or dead to bring about the
, accident
After half an hours elaboration
the jury so decided. Miss Bennett had
befogged the issue. Six months later,
Mr.. Fisk said to her in her own
no e.:
az want you for my wife. Please
don't try to befog that"
And a few months later there was
but one Office and one sign where
Attorneys at Law and General Coun-
se1ors.''
And there are people in the town
mean enough to say that Mrs Fisk is
the better lawyer of the two-CCopy-
/ right. 1912, by the Mcclure Newspa-
per Syndicate.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

And the sweet-tooth, for which the
American people are more or less not
ed. is rather expensive in the agere-
gate. 1t is estimated that the sugar
consumption in the United States for
the year 1912 will exceed billion
pounds. with an approximate cost to
the purchasers of 400 million dollars.
In other words, the people of this
country spend more than a million
dollars a day for their sugar, in one
form and another.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Preliminary estimates are to the eff
fert that the next cotton crop will be
about two million bales less than the
last one. But if THIS prediction is cor
rect, the crop will be about two mil
lion bales more than the average crop
for the five years, 1906-191O, and that
means another big spoke in the wheel
of continued prosperity in the cotton
growing states
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

One report current in the city tells
that since the news of the operations
of a Jack the Hugger'' in the College
Hill district became public a few days
ago, a small army of old maids now
cOngregate in that territory each even
ing after the shades of night have fall
len And this may also explain why
Jack" has not been up to his old
tricks of late.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Thus does the worm keep turning.
Some of the patrons of a Minnesota
boarding house had one of the board
ers arrested because of her fondness
for singing. They insisted that she
disturbed their peace. But they seem
to have been a trif1e unreasonable, at
that. For the lady in question sang
more or less continuously for only So
hours
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17
DAFFYDHS
gY u. NoALL.

If they bar fire-bugs why do they
insurance?
(Call the sheriff Here's the oooo
chat ,ut he wreck in the record).
If Niagara Falls will lemon-drop?
(Father always wanted me to be a
club mani.
If a ship sinks will it seas ore?
ooh, well-Im going to hang up my
stocking, anyhow.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

least one direction, if not in others
There would be so many applicants to
take the examination that it would be
impossible to develop adequate facih-
ties to hold it. Almost every able
bodied man in the country has
sneaking idea that he could fill the
presidential chair most acceptably, II
only the chance were given him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Everybody should take advantage of
the present rather balmy brand of
winter weather. 1t is too good to last
much longer. But, come to think of
it, winter does not officially arrive,
according to the dictum of the man
who made the calendar, until Deem
her 81. or therea bouts
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Plenty of turkeys for Christmas is
more cheering news. But they prob
ably won't be purchased as generally
as they were around Thanksgiving
time. Christmas necessitates the buy
ing of too many other things on the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

There is reason for enthusiasm, of
course. over the fact that the produc-
ton of pig iron this year is of record
breaking proportions. But there
would be much more joy among the
myriads with slender pocketbooks,
who patronize the meat markets oc-
casionally. if this variety of pig
could be transformed into bacon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

More evidence that the yeggmen are
operating in greener if not richer
fields than Kansas is to be found in
the report of the postmaster general
to the effect that during the past year
only nine of the postoffices in this
state were visited by robbers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

That old theory about no Indian be-
tng a good Indian unless he was a
dead Indian is not as popular as it
once was. Superintendent Friedman,
of the Carlisle Indian school, takes the
government severely to task because
1t is not more active in reducing the
death rate among the Red men. This
rate is now estimated at IS per 1000.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Santa Claus undoubtedly has made
up his mind not to overlook any one
in this land a week from Wednesday.
Reports from all over the country
state that the holiday trade is break
ing all records for volume
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Lucky.-''The goldfish" said the profess
sor, lays considerably more than a mil
lion eggs" 1T is mighty lucky for the
Goldfish that she doesn't have to cack,e
came from the acknowledgements Jour
nal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Nineteen separately named grades
of eggs are on the market. Probably
the eighteenth and nineteenth are
handled by men in oxygen helmets
with long shovels.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

1t is almost needless to call atten-
ton to the fact that Sir Thomas Lip
ton, who insists that men should share
with their wives in the actual care of
young babies, hasn't any.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Furnishing the guilty is often pref
ty expensive undertaking. 1t cost Los
Angeles county no less than $3.50, 600
to conduct the Mcnamara trials. But
it certainly was money well spent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Professor Blaclmar's plan for ex-
tending the civil service law even to
the selection of presidents, would
probably prove impracticable in at
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Evidently the state of Washington
hasn't trouble enough on its hands. 1t
is thinking seriously of establishing a
state matrimonial agency.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

His Substitute.-Thirsty Girl-Br1ng me
a hot lemonade. Innkeeper-Haven't ally,
miss, but the beer is warm.-Fliegend0
BIaetter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17
FROM OTHER PENS
THE ELEPHANT MARKET.


me elephant market has slumped You
can buy a big, wrinkled, wobbly elepbant
cheaper today than ever Before IL Won
VISIT the elephant market and watch ont
t1 Ut the bargains. Siam is the greatest
e ettephant market in the world, and it Is in
mat mat country that the price of the beasts
nas decreased. We leave it to the pert
P9trasraphers to say something about the
Hish cost OF living being lessened nv the
slump in elephants and hasten 70 fbS
Lacls IN the case. 1t seems that formerly
MhSh the government of Siam leased the
IHlDer rights or a tract of forest If fixed
time limit Or, the lease covered a
sliou Oh months or years-not the amount
VI uLnper that was obtained Thus a con-
Tractor Tor a certain sum, might have
al the timber he could get out of a GER
tain tract of forest within a certain period
Naturally, the contractor went at ii with
all OF his might. He secured every avail
aDle elephant-for timber was gotten out
OF the forests by elephant poWer-and
that caused the elephant market to show
great activity and the elephants to bring
Dig prices But the government has now
changed its policy. 1t sells the timber
or SO much per thousand feet and allows
all the time that is necessary to cut IL
and get 1t to market So the contractors
lind they can afford to build logging roads
ana to use motors, thus decreasing the
number OF elephants required, and there
is a corresponding reduction in the price
of elephants in Siam. Thus do we find
terminated by the unsentimental hand of
industry. For, in all of the realm of let
ters there is nothing more delightful to
the boyish heart than to read the stories
Of logging in Siam with elephant power
Joliet Herald
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17
BY HE WAY
BIZ HARvHY PARSONS.

Some local advertiser wants good
plain woman cook. AS we take 1T,
the wife must endorse, and no hand
picked peaches need apply.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17
THE LURE OF THE MIaHr-BE.

Newspapers do not print stories of
crime because their editors have any de-
sire to delve deep into the horrible, but
because experience has taught them that
the great majority of their readers want
to read them. That lawless spirit within
us that a thousand ancestors of the long
ago beQueathed us demands a peep at the
excuses of those who know not the re-
straint of law or reason, and we like to
shudder little as we think of the might
be in our own cases. The criniinologists,
say that we are all potential criminals,
meaning, we presume, that we do not
hold ourselves in so tight leash but that
sudden passion, temptation or weakness
may sweep us off our feet. The newspa-
pers get scolded by good people every
once in awhile because they hold the mir
ror up to humanity when it is distorted
by greed some ignoble impulse but II
in that mirror we see the horror and the
tragedy of it all, as we must IL we look
at ALL is it not one of the great deter.
rents. Men pick their way through hse
intent upon avoiding that which disturbs
or Injuries them, and they do 1t the better
if they can see where lie the greatest dan
gers and the greatest menaces.-Lincoln
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

The late Hon Bacon held that read
ing maketh a full man. But Bacon
did not live in a dry state and was
not subjected to a food of Kansas City
booze literature. No samples are sent
with the glowing Christmas offers from
the K. c. nux vomica district.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-17

Gov Sulzer says women love knock
kneed men, That is enough to make
an original "knocker," who was re-
modelled into a bow-leg by a fussy
mustang, hate horses all the rest OF
his life.
The Delta independent., 1912-12-27

Wall Paper at $500 per room. The
Delta Decorating Co., on the corner.
Attorney Porter Plumb was in Mont.
rose on legal business yesterday.
Nineteen-cent graniteware sale on
Saturday only, at the Delta Racket
Store.
Judge F. N Dickerson was an cut.
going passenger for the state metropo-
lis Christmas evening.
w w. Wolf of GranG junction had
five cars of fat steers in the Denver
market last week. One car brought
$3.50 and the balance 500.
Travel, in and out, which had about
ceased through the middle of the week
has begun to revive somewhat, and
the usual crowds can be seen again
getting on and off the trains.
Hon c. c. Hawkins of Paonia, Delta
county's representative, will leave for
Denver Sunday morning to be ready
to take up his legislative duties.
Twenty per cent discount on all
holiday goods at the old Delta Nation
al bank building
The Delta independent., 1912-12-27

Rev. w. D. Magnan, an Episcopal
minister from North Carolina, will ar
rive in Delta tomorrow to take charge
of St. Luke's church and reside here
permanently. There will be regular
services in the church next Sunday
and it is expected that the new rector
will be given cordial welcome.
Miss Josie Estes departed for her
home in Buena Vista last Monday
morning after a two months visit
with relatives and friends in this city.
She will spend the holidays with her
mother and may possibly return to
Delta. since her health was much i'm
proved here.
Attorney John r. Charlesworth.
deputy district attorney for the dis,
trict under District Attorney Logan.
has just been named for that office
by District Attorney-elect William
Weiser of Grand Junction and will
continue to represent the people o'
this county as heretofore
The Delta independent., 1912-12-27

Market men believe that cattle will
remain high. They admit there may
be some slight drop in the market.
but do not believe there is likely to
be any permanent declines in prevail
ing prices.
Denver state Democratic leaders
met in the office of Governor Shat
roth last Monday to consider the ad-
visibility of sending committee to
Princeton to wait upon President-elect
Woodrow Wilson in regard to the ap-
pointment of Alva Adams as Secre-
tary OF the Interior The conference
disclosed that letter urging Cover.
nor Adams appointment was still un-
answered. and it was decided to send
the committee later if the president
elect indicated a willingness to con-
slider it,
A. E Amsbary, referee. and his
stenographer. Miss Kincade, were in
Hotchkiss and Paonia several days
the latter part of last week taking
testimony in the adjustment of priori-
ties of the several irrigation canals
of the North Fork district, and return
ed home Friday evening. Attorneys
c. H. Stewart and NJ r. Welch of
OF Leadville were also in attendance
upon the proceedings and counsel for
ditch companies.
The Delta independent., 1912-12-27
Delta Postoffice.
Notice of Annual Meeting.

Public notice is hereby given that
the annual melting of the stockholders
the Colorado State Bank, of Delta,
Colorado, will be keld at said bank
in Delta, on Monday the 9th day OF
January. 1918. at 10 O'Clock a m, for
the purpose of electing directors and
to transact any other business which
may properly be brought before said
meeting
Dated at Delta, Colorado. this 4th
day of December. a. ID. 1912.
l. NJ. CONKLrN, Pres.
]. w. JEFFERS, Cashier
The Delta independent., 1912-12-27
TWO WEEKS SUBSCRIPTIONS.

The following SUBSCRIPTIONS have
been entered on the independents list
within the past two weeks.
Austin Postoffice.
E E White, w. A. Nix, w. B.
Hawkins, J. w Morgan. R. A Ashley,
]. E. Gwatkin. o. ]. Benefiel, Mrs. ].
E. Gillette. A F. Wilson, c. NJ. Hend-
rickson, Guy Gilmore, C. NJ. Hopson.
G. l. Barnes, ]. " French.
Cory Postoffice.
w A Hall, C. S. Pratt Milton
Starr. James Young, A C. Thomas. w.
E Monlux, P. A. Lindebeck, Ruth A.
Dixon.
Eckert Postoffce.
A R Barnes, II. E Kennicott. Henry
Teachout. Charles Hale, James Vela.
J. A Sturdevant, \. L. Reynolds. J.
NJ Devine. Frank Trickle. c. L.
Simpson.
cedaredse Postoffice.
". B. Smethurst, L. A. Gipe, d. +.
Bowers, Lee Turner. ]. w. Hildmann.
Albert Andreen. VIII ]. Maxwell. John
G. Wetterick, w. S. Grant. Arthur l.
Alley, D. L. Gardner. James Buzzard.
]. o. Hamilton. d. E. Bowers, Miss
Nettie Hamilton. E. NJ Pearce. P.
McGruder. R Pearce, Roy Nicholson.
J. p Robinson, C. A Hall.
Hotchkiss Postoffice.
Mrs. Fannie l. Todd, c. f Wise.
Mrs A l. Addleman. Mrs. Ollie
Lockhardt, A. r. Summers.
Delta Postoffice.
W. f. Taylor. C. NJ. Purcell, DR. A H
Stockham. G. w Stallings, NJ T
Tucker, Mrs. Nellie Shea, f. c. Seeley
". NJ. Carlson, VIM. Blumbcrg, w. S
Swim. c. T. Cox. ]. F. Reid. R. NJ
Logan. Henry lsensee. Walter Single.
ton. II. w Pratt. n. H Castle, DIR. L.
A. Hick. DIR. H A Smith. Rev. N Ber-
trand. T X. Seaton, w. E Obert. Dr.
Laycock. Chas. L. Keller. J. C. Penney.
DIR. F. w Grove. w n Williams. j. L.
Laycock, d. r. Finley, F. H Pitcher