davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

prevented from
taking a bath. The
Bath he had in
tended to take was
"A station on the Il.
and o. railroad
which ~''Stonewall''
had planned to
surprise, = but his
approach had been
detected by the
Union scouts and
the taking of that
Bath proved too
big a job.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

VII ii ciup dat giraffe would done
bit me"
''Giraffes don't bite, you fool" said
the manager. head in hand. "Giraffes
kick. But you bring him back and
Well give you 81
dis giraffe bites" insisted the col
ored man. In a few moments he re-
appeared leading by a rope aroun his
neck Nero. the most ferocious man.
eating lion in captivity.
"W'oa,'' said he, jerking the rope.
Nero stopped o~bediently in he rain.
"Gimme NAH 81, wife man. said he.
Hears youah giraffe. An he do
bite
Another good dog-days' story was
told on Colonel Fred Hale, of Portland,
Me-, who is the son of former Senator
Eugene Hale of that State. He was in
Washington last week and his friend,
H.. G. Emery, one of the members of
the tariff board, was showing him this
long row Of granite monoliths on the
Fifteenth street side of the treasury
| thirty-six in the lot, recently put up to
replace the old limestone columns, and
that they cost $40, 900 apiece.
Ibid you say $4,000 each" asked
Hale.
yes"
"And they came from the Maine
quarries, 7 SUPPOSE"
NO" said Emery, 'they came from
the New Hampshire quarries."
prom New Hampshire"
Yves"
"Well. III be darned!" exclaimed
Hale. Where the deuce was father?"
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

the s o u t h e + n
hustler" Colonel
Watson is South
Cardinals commits
sioner of agricul-
ture. C o IN m e e
and la Dor. Just
the other day he
had to lay over in
New York city for
q train. Pie colonel
didn't hang around
the depot; he sailed
right out and col
Jared Il few capt.
talists. When the
train footed he had
$780, 900, 900 promised.
All will be invested
in developing the
co 10 II e Is State.
tEhnn ha- Wnnt to
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

Chicago, doomed the drainage congress
proposition, had himself elected a
second vice-president and hustled
hustled is the word-back home.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03
D IN HISTORY.

January 3, 1852, just fifty years ago
today, General Stonewall Jackson vas
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

Illustrated.

The Feilow-So you have quit using
slang. How did you ever break your
self of the habit?
The Glrl-Well, | put mama wise
that was for cutting it out and asked
her to make a squeal every time /
sprung a line Of phony English. Some
class, Ell, kid?
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

IN THE L.IMELIGHT.

Here is a new American type
Colonel T.. j.. Watson, Columbia, S. c..
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03
His Error!

Miss Binks is very angry and she
vows she will never speak TO you
again"
why, ! only stole ono little kiss
Yes, and appeared to be perfectly
satisfied
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

The STAR extends the privilege
of these columns to the public and
not more than one hundred words
treating OF topics OF the hour.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03
On the Job.

On the Job.
First Ange!-Why is it that st.
Peter has kept his job as doorkeeper
for so many years?
Second Angel-He's still hoping for
a chance to get at the fellow who
robbed him to pay Paul.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03
Spelling tho O

Tommy know what I'm goin' ter
do when sister gets married.
F1orrie-What are you goin' ter do?
Tomniy-I'm agoin' ter throw mas
slippers after TIL carriage when she
goes away.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

Just By the Way
Soft.

Teacher-What did you do when
Jimmy called you a liarg
JOHNNY remembered what youse
said about a soft answer turnets
away wrath"
Teacher-Good boy, What soft an
swer did you make?
JOHNNY hit i'm with a rotten ter
mater.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

Isn't 1t Queer.
There is II virtue nobody on earth
can boast of possessing and that is
modesty.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03
Willing to Try.

Doctor-Be sure to feed your baby
every day with one cows milk.
Mother-Well, I will try. Gut l don't
see how baby can hold all that.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

Hubby-Where would you go If I
should die?
Wife-I don't know. Where would
you"
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03
Property shells.

waiter, where are those blue points
that I ordered a half hour ago?'
Sorry. sir. but another gents using
the shells Just now. When he's done
I'll hurry them along"
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

Acting Deputy Fire chief Robert
Morgan says he is glad that the ques-
ton of deputy chief has been settled,
as he will be able to get a days vaca-
ton once in awhile now. He says that
he has not had a day off since May,
and that he is entitled to one in every
six.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03
He'd He,n.

Spectator-Why don't you get my
wife's cat. He can perform more tricks
thai any of your trained animals.
Showman-But does she care to sell
him?
Spectatcr-No, hut you could steal
him.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03
The Hciress.

The Heiress.
She is wealthy in houses and lands, il
is known.
She has all that she wants, I'll engage,
But there's one thing she doesn't ano
never will own
Her age.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

Don't you adore German"
mo. The language is too decollete.'
TOO what?"
TOO guttural-too low in the neck
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-01-03

WEDNESDAY. EVENING. 3, 1912.
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
SAW MO CAUSE FOR WORRY
Small Boy Pretty Well Satisfied That
the Future Was Not Likely to
Be Hard One.

The Cleveland Plain Dealer says;
A Lakewood woman was recently
reading to her little boy the story OF
young lad whose father was taken
Ill and died. after which he set him
self diligently to work to support him.
self and mother. When she had fin
ished the story she said:
Dear Billy, II your papa were to
die would you work to support your
dear mamma?"
"Nawl" said Billy, unexpectedly
But why not?"
Amt we got a good house to 1--we
in?"
-Yes. dearie-but we can't eat the
house. you know"
"Ain't there lot O. stuff in the pan.
try?"
Yes, but that won't last forever"
'1tl last till you git another hus-
band. won't It? You're a pretty good
locker, NAL"
Mamma gave up right there.
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18

Now. in the center of this ancient crater. which
must have been larger than any volcano OF which
we have knowledge at the present day. was the
blow hole or vent over this blow hole the
Spaniards who conquered Mexico set up the city
OF Guadaajara little thinking that they we're Sc
lecting a veritable death trap for their settle
ment. Slowly through the eighteen or twenty
centuries since 1t was last active this central
melting pot of the old volcano has been forming
a and equally powerful mass OF molten ma
terial. which sooner later will blow Guadala-
lara of the face of the earth.
AN earthquake landslides, cloudbursts or
other elemental disturbances filled the opening Of
this ancient crater with cap 300 feet in thick
ness This cap, much thicker than that which
any other volcano has had to blow off, is the only
thing that has saved Guadaajara from destruc-
tion years ago. How long 1t will protect the city
now is question answer and prove
the answer 1t may be years: to my mind 1t Is
q matter of months; In any event, believe that
the only way to the capital is to it
bodily and move 1t while there is time to do So"
Aside from its scientific interest and from the
unique situation of city built volcano.
there remains the very practical problem which
confronts Guadaaja jara-the job of moving a city
of 100000 souls to location. SO far, Juana-
catlan is the most likely candidate for the honor
of being the capital OF Jalisco. but there a
number of other towns out of range of the buried
crater all of which will be considered before the
change is made.
All sorts of wild propositions to tap the crater
and draw of the menacing fires have been made
to the authorities of Guadalajara. but the of
science say there is way to curb the demon
OF fire Gagged by nature below and that the city
must be removed or 1t will be destroyed One
proposed to turn the waters OF the Santiago
river into huge tunnel. driven to the heart OF
the crater but the earthquake specialists quickly
informed the city officials that this merely would
cause immediate and more terrible explosion
than II the crater were left to itself
Another offered to tunnel into the crater
from a point five miles outside the city and on
the slightly lower western side and let the
contents of the crater flow out He was disap-
pointed when informed that his tunnel would
have to be about 500 feet In diameter and that
the heat would be great hundred feet from
the inner end of the tunnel that human beings
could not endure It.
Thus 1t appears that unless surgeon for
earthquakesr appears. and that very shortly
Guadalajara will have to pick up her houses and
move to a location. The result to real estate
owners and who have bought or built some
of the fine blocks which mark the main streets
Of the Jalisco capital will be financial ruin
Some of these profess to doubt the word
OF the scientists and to believe that the city IL
safe They will throw their influence and their
votes against moving the city unless they can be
convinced that there is a very real personal dan.
ger for themselves and their families.
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
A Useful invention.

A Yorkshire farmer was paid by
check for some cattle he had sold. 1t
was the first time 1t had ever hap
pened.
What's this?" he asked.
Why, money for the beasts" said
the cattle dealer.
The farmer stared, and had to bo
assured that II he took IL TO the bank
they would give him geld for 1t.
We'll" said he. "Aw1l try, but II
its n wrong 'un thou'll hear about H."
Tho check was cashed. OF course,
and the farmer went home happy. but
he could not. sleep. He had seen a
wonderful thing, and 1t had excited
him. AS soon as day broke, he made
for the cattle Dealers house. and
woke the dealer.
TITS me-" me said Where's tina
got thin bits of paper from? Aw cud
do wi half dozen myself"
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
"oooD STUFF"
A Confirmed Coffee DrInker Takes to
Postum.

a. housewife was recently surprised
when cook served Postum instead Of
coffee. She says:
For the last five or six years have
been troubled with nervousness, In
digestion and heart trouble. couldn't
get any benefit from the doctors med
fcine 30 finally he ordered me to stop
drinking coffee. which / did.
II drank hot water while taking the
doctors medicine. with some improve
ment, then went back to coffee with
the same old trouble as before.
"A new servant girl told me about
Postum-said her folks used It and
liked It in place of coffee. We got Q
package but told her did not be-
lieve my husband would like 1t, as he
was a great coffee drinker.
ITO my surprise he called for q
third cup. said 1t was good stufr and
wanted to know what 1t was. We
have used Postum ever since and both
feel better than we have In years.
my husband used to have bad
sick three or four days. during which
time he could not eat or drink any
thing. But since he gave up coffee
and took to Postum. he has had NO
more trouble. and we now fully be-
lieve 1t was all caused by coffee.
Il have not had any return of my
former troubles since drinking Pos
tum. and feel better and can do more
work than In the last ten years. We
tell everyone about it-some say they
tried 1t and did not like 1t. tell them
1t makes all the difference as to how
it's made. 1t should be made accord
ing to direcuons-theni It Is delicious"
Name given by Postum Co.. Battle
Greek, Mich. Read the book. The
Road to Wellville," In pkss. There's
q reason"
Ever read the above Ietterf A new
one appears from time to tfue. They
are genuine. true, and full OF humap
interest. Adv.
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
TIme for Another.

Fred C. Kelley was stopped by a
panhandler at a street corner in Wash
ington to hear a tnlo of woe. Kelly
gave the teller a quarter.
A month later the same man
stopped him at the same place and
told him the same tale Of woe.
Nix said Kelley. at is only
month ago that you stopped and told
mo that story and gave you quar-
ter
"a month ago?" asked the panhan-
dler.
Yes" replied Kelly firmly.
Well" said the panhandler. you
don't expect me to live on quarter
any longer than that. do you
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
A "ereakv on the Wire.

Two telegraph operators were seat
ed. In n downtown cafe recently when
an athletic young man and an exceed
ingly pretty girl entered. They we're
placed at n table opposite the key
men. who were sitting side by side in
position facing the girl. Az is the
custom of the craft when wishing to
discuss someone in public place
they telegraphed to each other, using
their knives on the plate.
"Peacherino Isn't she?" one licked
to the other.
"a tree FULL" came back the tap
ping reply. Wonder who the sack is
with her:"
Search me-looks like boob tied
up with wren like her."
But they aren't married. II they
are. all she needs to do to get d.
vorce is to exhibit that map of his
in court"
While the two men were enjoying
a huge laugh over their silent Joke
they were surprised and somewhat
alarmed to hear some more table
knift telegraphy." The "peacherfno"
was doing 1t and she did not look at
all pleased. either.
you two would better look out
while you are all together" carelessly
licked her knife blade while she lis
toned to something her companion
was saying. This sack and boob, as
you call him. with the divorce map, Is
my husband-boilermake by trade
He eats fresh little boys"
Something happened to the wires"
about that time and all communication
ceased.
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18

fined to an area not more than 100
miles in diameter. Neither Colima
nor any other volcano in Mexico was
In eruption. We had TO look closer
to Guadalajara for the cause. we
made a trip through the surrounding
country and discovered that the city
lies in tho center OF what was once
volcano.
THE walls of this ancient crater
are fully 10 miles on all sides from
the city. From the character OF the
stone composing these walls. their
evidences OF FIRE and the condition OF
the lava fragments which litter the
bowl Of the crater, should say 1t was
last active from 1900 to 1000 years
ago.
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
overnearu.

"Heigho," said BIldad. as Jimpson-
berry flashed by In his motor. Il wish
had an automobile"
"Oh, nonsense, BILL" said SlatheTs.
Whats the use, You couldn't afford
to keep 1t"
mo, by jimmy" said Biidad. "but !
could afford to sell It
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
NEGLECT and Cruelty

so you want divorce9" said the
lawyer.
Yes" replied the woman with
tear-stained cheeks. He has been
guilty of neglect and cruelty"
'In what respects?"
HE neglected to feed the bird while
I was away and says the cruelest
things he can think OF about Fido"
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
"The mountain range

which surrounds the
city on all sides is the
wall of this ancient
crater. On the north
and east. you know.
the plateau of Mexico
slopes downward to
these ranges; on the
west and south the an
cient volcano wall
slopes away 5000 feet
dow ward through
some 10 or so miles to
the Pacific ocean. This
was an ideal location
for a volcano. and pre-
cisely similar to the To-
cation of Colima, still
active, and Orizaba,
which. while still smok-
ing. has not been ac-
tive for 400 years.
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
A Point In VerbaIIsm.

Professor Ito class In composition)
Someone in the class recently re
ferred to a woman as OF medium
size" Please avoid this expression
In referring to a woman: II smacks TO
much of commercialism."
Freshman = But. professor, she
might be ION the market"
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
Not New.

Not New.
First Neighbor-Have you heard
tell of them new-fangled trial mar
riages7
Second Neighbour don't see moth
ing new-fangled about 'em. Mines
been a trial for me for the last twenty
yearsi-Judge.
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
PATERNAL WISDOM.

son are you really determined to get mar.
ried?"
"Yes, father"
And you feel that yoq can support a wifef"
"Oh, yes"
We'll. just remember that the dictionary says
to support also means to endure"
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
DENVER q RIO GRANDE-WEsrr1
PACIFIC

"The Royal Gorge Feather 7Iver
Canon Route"
Taken together form the most beautt-
ful line Of continuous travel Denver
Salt Lake. city. San Francisco.
The marvellous scenic attractions of
the Rockies. the Great Salt Beds Of
Utah and the wonders OF the Sierras
can be seen from tho car windows.
without extra expense for side trips.
SuPEiRB DINING CAR SERVICE.
write Frank A. wadleigh, General
Passenger Agent. Denver a Rio Grnndn
Railroad. Denver, Colo.
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
A PROFESSIONAL TRICK.

The Young Lawyer-How do you expect to
prove that your client is mentally Irresponsible :
The Old Lawyer-Easy enough His wife has
preserved all his old love letters and I'm going to
read 'em TO the jury.
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18
Just Like ! Woman.

He discovered that his wife had
two detectives trailing him for six
months
How did he discover it,"
she sent him the bill.'
The Elbert County tribune., 1912-10-18

ECAUSE the crater of a boiling
seething volcano is directly beneath
this city of 10000 souls, in all prob
ability Guadalajara. which Is the
state capital of Jalisco, will be NOV
ed to a point some distance from
what scientists say is to be one OF
the most active volcanoes on the en-
tire American continent. The sup-
terranean volcano has caused 54o
Evening journal., 1912-08-13
cold Nassau

In the history OF Princeton universi-
~ is found the following entry after IL
had been decided to seat the college in
Princeton:
1T was the desire OF the trustees to
name the new building after the pa
tron and benefactor OF the college.
Governor Belcher. but with rare mod
esty he declined the honor. requesting
the board to call the edihce Nassau
Hall as expressing the Honour we re-
tain. in this remote Part OF the Globe,
TO the immortal Memory OF the Giori-
ous King William the Sd, who was a
branch Of the ilustrious House Of
Nassau This request was complied
with In the following terms:
Whereas his Exceliency Govr. Bel
cher has signihed to MS his declining tS
have the Edi6ce we have lately erected
at Princeton for the Use and Service
OF New Jersey College to be called aft
er his Name, and has desired and fo'
Good Reasons that II should be call'S
after the Name OF the illustriou
House Of Nassau: II is therefore vot
ed. and II Is hereby ordered that TN
I'd. Edince be IN all time TO come calle'
and be known by the name OF Nassau
HAIL.
Evening journal., 1912-08-13
MARYLAND NEWS NOTES

-Elkton cannery is being enlarged
10 start operations in a few days.
William Reeder has purchased
the John sergent property near Ris-
ing Sun.
Failing down a stairway. Miss
Mary Hunter, Rising sun, sustained
painful injuries
George Erskin, Chestertown. has
been arrested, charged with violating
the local option law
Miss Clara London, of Fairmount.
has been appointed teacher in
North East High School.
Maryland Peninsula
Horticultural Society will offer $500
in cash prizes at it's apple show in
January.
Sentenced to year In the House
of Correction on the charge Of con-
Quoting gambling. Merritt Spray.
Chestertown, has appealed the case
Charles r. Westcott. Aldav Gle
ments and w. W Hubbard. of Kent
county, who invested in a sugar plan-
tation in Cuba several years ago.
have sold their holdings. each clear
ing SAC. 500.
Evening journal., 1912-08-13
Ea.IIx Rsoonrtruetsd.

The professor wns In the eraltediy
platitudinous mood that sometimes
masters the wisest Of men. As be-
tween alternate sips Of morning coffee
and bites OF bacon he read the editorial
articles in his newspaper, he remark
ed to his wife that IL we knew what
our forefathers talked about at the
breakfast table We could make history
live"
Now, Mrs. Professor is a plain. prac-
tical woman. with a sense of humor
and much experience with profes-
eorial moods. She thought 10 herself
that It is rather fortunate on the whole
tAat history does not depend for its
existence on breakfast table topics.
But she said demurely:
1T would be something like this. /
think: where's my newspaper This
coree IS cold. The toast is burned.
This is a bad egg. Where do you buy
this butter7 For goodness sake. keep
those children quiet. Well. now
must be orr Youths Companion.
Evening journal., 1912-08-13
rh. cennoi.ssur,. surprIss.

An amusing story at the expense Of
a certain high French Official is told by
a Paris contemporary. He was show
ing one OF his friends the magnum opus
Of his collection OF pictures. a land
scape Of the environs OF Paris. and de
picting the city as Il was in Courbets
time There could be no doubt as to
the authenticity OF the picture. for II
bore the signature Of Courbet In red.
The visitor pointed out that the horizon
was dirty and would be improved -
the application OF a cleansing iquc
A bottle was requisisloned and sons
OF the chemical gently applied with q
brush. Then was seen a delightful
little sketch Of the Einel tower. II
may be observed that Courbet. who
was associated in the destruction OF
he Vendome column. died about a
loren years before the tower was
znilt