davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
THE BANDWAGON.
Ey GEORGE FITCH
xufhor of at Good Old Siwash"

According to the dictionary. a band
wagon is a large vehicle in which a
band may be confined ana hauled rapidly
away from an aniicted popuiace. But
the American people have habit OF TAX
ing small and unimportant words and
enlarging them. until they convey great
ideas, and the word 'bandwagon" is now
n whole political sermon In itself
A bandwagon, according TO its en-
larged meaning, is a vehicie wnich IS
proceeding toward success. and into
which vast numbers OF eager patriots
will climb as soon as they can read the
destination on It's sign board.
Bandwagons are propelled by majori-
ties, and sometimes travel for years
without any passengers. There Is MOTH
ing SO lonesome as a bandwagon. which
Is struggling through the mud and sand,
far from its destination. And there is
nothing so suffocatingly crowded as a
bandwagon while 1t rolls grandIy down
the last long slope into the blissful land
OF political success, where all passen-
gers are assured OF good and comfortable
lodgings next 10 the plum orchard.
Bandwagon signs are often misleading.
however, and cause great woe. Frequent
ly, a bandwagon. whose sign says IT Is
bound for success, Will turn on the road
Unexpectedly and proceed toward Salt
Greek, with horrifying rapldity. while its
terror-stricken passengers leap for the
ground with shrieks OF alarm. and chase
some other wagon down the right road.
There is no false modesty about the
bandwagon passenger. however. and as
soon as he catches UP with the right
wagon. he mounts nimbly 30 the drivers
seat, IL possible. and attempts to grab
the whip.
Some political leaders are so inde-
pendent that they will not ride on a
bandwagon, but prefer to march on foot.
However, as they near success, band
wagons are harneSsed TO them and they
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
Industrial Relations.

There is a timeliness in the hearing
which is to occur befoe the House
Committee on Labor to-day upon the
proposition to create commission on
industrial relations. 1t is true that dur
ing the past few years we have had a
surfeit of commissions, but in this par
ticular instance there is a foundation of
necessity.
The only cloud upon the American
horizon to-day is the possibility of Sc
rious differences between labor and its
employers. The future may bring a
struggle. which will result in wide
spread financial loss and much distress
10 humanity The proposition now be-
fore Congress is that there shall be
created a commission which shall in
quire into the general condition of la
Dor, the relations existing between en-
ployerS and employees, into methods
which have been adopted in any State
or in foreign countries for maintaining
mutually satisfactory relations between
the two classes, and to discover and
point out, if possible, the underlying
causes OF dissatisfaction in the indus
trial situation Not only this, but it is
proposed that there shall be an effort
TO ascertain the effect of industrial con-
ditions upon the public welfare and
the rights and powers of the COM
munity to deal Herewith.
Such an inquiry. intelligentIy and I'M
partially conducted, would be of great
value. 1t IS certain that We have not
reached the acme of intelligent govern
ment while we lack some method TO
protect the people as whole from the
disastrous consequences of industrial
disputes. Public sentiment is already
beginning to regard war as brutal and
unnecessary. and conflicts between la
Dor and capital, with all their attendant
ills. ought to be relegated into an un-
educated and unenlightened past.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
STATESMEN, REAL AND NEAR.
By FRED C. KELLY.

St Louis, used to cover city hall in
Brooklyn for German paper, and one
OF his intimate friends was Joseph c.
Hendrix, who did the city hall news for
rival publication.
Bartholdt left Brooklyn and went TO
st. Louis and from there was sent to
Congress a few years ago When he
reached here the first man he saw was
Hendrix.
What are you doing here7" asked
BarthoIdt
Just been elected to Congress from
Brooklyn" said Hendrix
80 have I-from St Louis BarthoIdt
told him.
WHILE" went on Hendrix.
Me. too" said Bartholdt
And then ] was elected president OF
the board" Hendrix continued.
same here remarked Bartholdt.
And after that they decided TO send
me here" resumed Hendrix
MY experience exactly" put in
Bartholdt, continuing to pull parallels.
Happily for Bartholdt. the streak Of
condolences ended there. for his friend
Hendrix died
In one Of the Office rooms OF the Brit
ish Embassy here there are two framed
pictures on the walI-and only two. One
OF these Is a comic drawing OF an Eng
hshman and the other is George Wash
ington-
tCopyTiSht, Isl3 by FScd C Kelly. An riSht, ne
seued-l
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
OPENING THREE CANALS.
Panama. Erie, and Cape Cod Water.
ways NearinE Completion.

From the Christian Science Monitor.
II Is among the interesting probabilities
that New York's great barge canal and
the Panama Canal win be formally OPEN
ed In the same year. The Panama Canal
according to present Indications. viii be
ready for business earlier than 1sfS. but
the time that is gained VIII be employed
In getting the canal into as nearly per-
feet working order as possible before Its
formal Inauguration. Both undertakings
have now reached the point where the
question Of their operation has become
one OF immediate Importance. Col. Goe-
thals. chief engineer OF the Panama
Canal, Is on visit OF inspection IN
Europe in this connection. Before his
return he will have examined into the
systems followed in the operation of the
great canals Of the Old World. In May
next the members OF the New York
canal commission viii go abroad on a
similar mission.
New machinery has made possible the
completion of the New York canal a
year earher than was expected. Canal
building has now been reduced to a point
where skilled operators OF machinery are
even more necessary than workers with
the pick, shovel and wheelbarrow, al
though the latter cannot as yet be wholly
dispensed with. The barge canal, of
course, has been overshadowed by the
stupendous enterprise on the Isthmus.
but IL nevertheless stands out as one OF
the greatest undertakings OF its kind.
Up TO the present time the total disburse-
ments on account of the Chicago drain
age canal have been something less than
so. .0oO. 90: the cost OF the barge canal,
not counting the original expenditures
upon the waterways covered by that
name. Will certainly be over 800, ,ooo. 900
and may reach SIS. .0o0. 900. Added TO this.
eventually. must be the cost OF branch
canals and terminals.
The Cape Cod Canal. IL was thought
for a time. might be completed before
the close of the present year. This
work is developing possibilities. how
ever. that while Increasing its useful
ness may delay its completion for
year or two. There is a growing SEN
timent in favor OF it's enlargement. As
suming that the plans be changed, IL Is
also within the interesting probabili-
ties that this work will be formally
opened in the famous year OF 1915. OF
the three enterprises mentioned that
on Cape Cod Is the smallest, and most
modest. but in its way II promises to
be relatively as useful as either of the
others. and eventually II Is destined to
form a link in a waterway system OF
greater magnitude, II not greater i'm
portance, than the other two combined.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
Correction by Mr.. Horner.

Editor The Washington Herald:
In to-day's issue OF your splendid pa
per. in an article under caption "Brucs
sustained by school board was in
advertently misquoted In reference to
the superintendent Of schools as follows:
81 mean no reflection on the superinten-
dent. believe he is the best fitted man
for the position whom we could obtain" !"
used a part Of this language only. the
exact sentence in this connection used
by me being as follows: II mean no re-
Election on the superintendent" I made
no comparison whatever as to his fitness
for the position. nor did / in anyway sug-
gest by word or action, the slightest IN
clination to distribute bouquets or in
duIge in fiattery. As / desire to have
the facts as they occurred to appear on
the record. as a safeguard against any
misunderstanding which might arise IN
the investigation to follow In this mat
ter. I hope that you will correct in your
issue the language complained Of.
R. r HoRNER.
Washington March q
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
Fidelity Rewarded.

1t IS an interesting story which has
been made public by the Pennsylvania
Railroad. A passenger train conductor
is to be retired after fifty years of ac-
tive service, begun as brakeman upon
a freight train. During all these years
the employe has never had a serious ac-
cident, has never had a passenger Sc
riously injured or killed, has never
been fined or suspended, has never been
reported by passenger, and has never
been the cause of a lawsuit. No won-
der that he points to his record with
pardonable pride. Equally certain is
it that the corporation for which he
has labored so long and so well be-
slows upon him with genuine satisfac-
ton his well-earned pension.
1t is to be remembered that this
story, so Indicative of fidelity and trust
worthiness, might be repeated thou
sands of times if publicity could be
given to all similar records. There are
men occupying lowly positions in every
walk of life who are actuated by the
same sense of duty and who. without
hope of additional reward and almost
without recognition, perform their
duty faithfully and well. They are ac-
tuated by a conscientiousness that is
worthy of highest regard
And, with especial reference to
Washington, there are in this city
thousands of clerks who have given
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22

to mount the winning ticket. Both par.
ties go after this vote like hackmen
after a traveller at Niagara Falls. and
the side which makes the largest and
most confident noise gets II. One OF the
political tragedies OF the age Is a mas
sive bandwagon equipped with balconies.
straps and sideboards. and which at this
moment is filled with franticaIly ear,r
passengers, who are pleading with 7.
Roosevelt. Of Oyster Bay, to back into
the shafts and get busy.
Copyright. l9lz. by GeorSs Matthew AdanAJ
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
PREHISTORIC MOSQUITOES.
Larvae Arc I'm Rock Called 6O,OOO,-
600 Years Old.

900 Years Old.
From the Indianapolis News
II the dispatches from Washington are
true. the government has a semi-official
message from the world OF 60.oo0. 900
years ago. Assistant Secretary OF State
Adee received a curious prehistoric de-
posit from Brazil. and. in chemically
analyzing It. found two minute larvae
inside the rock. He was so astounded
that he sent the embryonic animals to the
Agricultural Department Under scien-
tific development the larvae produced
two magnificent mosquitoes. 1t 10 too
bad that this was not wholly covered by
established Official Investigation, for Mr..
Adee, after all, IL not a government
chemist, though 4 chemical expert. How
ever. the authority covering the case
seems good. and II will go to strength
en- the assertions made by workers IN
stone quarries from time to time that
they happen. in splitting the living rock.
on toads or frogs living in a state OF
suspended animation.
There have been several such discover
les in lndiana-a most notable one fif-
teen years ago in the stone quarries near
Logansport 1t was true that the toad
In this case, as in some others, was
shown. but It loked like any other toad.
Though In some instances the little her
metically sealed cells in which such liv-
ing things have Deen held, for nobody
knows how long. have been shown, the
stories have been generally discredited.
or It has been insisted that there was
some mistake.
The Smithsonian Institution has, how
ever. taken up the investigation Of the
prehistoric mosquitoes. Its experts de-
clare that the rock in which they were
found is not less than eo.O0o 600 years old,
and 1t possibly may have been formed
800, 10000 years ago. II these mosqui-
toes and the frogs or toads caught in
the formation process of stone now far
underlying the surface OF the earth are
finally accepted, We have a far more elo-
quent message from the ages of the
earth's formation than is found in the
mute tracety OF ferns and fishes in the
strata, II is declared that the mosqui-
toes That developed brought with them
the song that we know. They were yell
low fever mosquitoes, '.just like the
ones found in Central America to-day"
We have known that the mosquito was
very old. for in Egyptian excavations
they have been found in honey OF 400
years ago.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
Reprovine Richard III.

From the New York ETenins Sun.
John Drew tells this story OF Forrest.
the great tragedian:
Forrest was playing In Richard III. .
and the part of Catesby had to be taken
by a low comedian, who sauntered on the
stage at the wrong moment and uttered
the famous words, MY lord, the Duke
place.
Forrest clenched his fists in rage, but
otherwise took no notice of the remark.
Later on the comedian repeated the
words in the right place. and when the
King expressed surprise at the news
Catesby folded his arms, walked boldly
down the stage and remarked to the
great actor in loud tones:
Il told you so before. Mr.. Forrest, but
you wouldn't believe me-"
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22

are compelled to haul vast loads Of poll
ticians and policies. often falling by the
wayside IN the attempt
There is popular superstition that the
President and Congress are elected by
the careful citizen. who spends his time
debating political policies. This Is a
mistake. Candidates are elected by thu
bandwagon vote. which 10 q large. COM
pact body Of citizens who are determined
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22

to the government a lifetime of honest,
Industrious, and intelligent service.
They are entitled TO as much recogni-
ton and reward in their old age as the
conductor who retires upon pension
from the employ of the Pennsylvania
Railroad
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
ron the New Britain Herald.
Old Rhino Has BoiI..

From the New York Sun.
Smiles. the old two-horned rhinoceros
In the Central Park menagerie, has de-
veloped a crop OF boils alongside her back
and become very peevish in consequence.
Head Keeper Billy Snyder decided to do
what he could for her. and prepared a
mixture of neatsfoot oil. lampblack. and
liniment to rub, on her skin. The old
rhino threatened 10 gore the head
keeper and his assistant when they were
about to enter her stall. SO they roped
and tied her and then massaged her and
rubbed in the mixture.
Smiles has taken a great interest in
Daisy, a fox terrier that has made her
home in the rhinos stall. and occupies a
corner with four puppies. The big animal
has taken care not 70 hurt the babies.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
Rural Financier.

From Hsrper's Weekly.
Boggs had managed to ditch his car.
and after hailing a passing farmer tried
to arrange a dicker for help.
why, ya'as. brother" said the farm
er. bringing his team to a standstiIl.
TN help ye out Les see what it's
come to--one days use o. the team, five
dollars"
going tot take you day TO haul that
machine out, is it?'
Why. no. returned the farmer, .'but
arter git the five dollars don't callate
TO do no more work untl to-morrer.-
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
TABLOID THOUGHTS.

From the Boston Herald
Now that winter is over, the tariff
board cotton report is right in style.
From the Cleveland Leader
Those peace, treaties now look as
though they had been through a peace
banquet.
From the Columbia State.
A magazine declares that nothing can
ever thrust La Toilette into obscurity." Z"
Oh, We do not know. He might be made
Vice President. .a
From the Boston Herald.
II it were not for the English labor
troubles King George might become an
other Taft for travel
From the Boston Herald.
A housewives free list is to be intro
duced into the House Of Representatives.
Discounting suffrage?
Frun the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
OF course. If a shining example is
needed. there is ex-President Diaz, who
have refused another.
From the Ohio State Journal.
The defeated candidate in a RepubIi-
can primary need not despair, as he can
always explain that the wicked Demo-
Gratis got out and voted.
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
II is said that China may adopt the
single tax system. This should be emf
nently pleasing to that uncounted multi
tude of Cinnamon whose sole earthly
possessions consist of a one-piece bust
ness suit and handful of rice.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
Man of 50 Model Po.t-oGace Clerk

From the Chicago Tribune.
James G. Kerr. oldest postal en-
ploye in the United States, handed his
resignation to Postmaster Campbell
yesterday after sixty-two years con-
tinuous service.
Kerr Is eighty-four years old. He is
known as the model clerk of the de-
partment. He entered the service at
'Painesville. Ohio, in 1850. He has not
been absent day since, not even on a
holiday. His record shows he has
never received a reprimand. He be-
gan work in Chicago in 1853. His res
ignation will take effect on March /.
He will go to a brothers homo in
Painesville, Ohio
There is no system whereby the gov
ernment can pension such an empfoye.
movement for special legislation to
apply to Kerr's case has been started.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
Not Too Enthu,ia.tic.

From Youths Companion.
Sandy was an elder in the church and
a really pious man. He had an eye for
beauty and love of 1t, but he married
Tina because he knew she would make
him an excellent wife.
I suppose Tina is a handsome girl, :"
said Sandy's cousin. who met him in
Glasgow not long after the marriage, and
hso never seen the bride. 81 ken ye've
guide taste, Sandy?"
"Awel" said the bridegroom, cautiously,
shes the Lords handiwork, Tamrnas
I'm no prepared to say she Is His mas
terpieee. z4EAS zA
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
A LITTLE ABOUT WOMEN.

From the Detroit Free Press.
A woman gave a Maine roailroad con-
ductor 81 for returning $1,000 to her that
she has lost. Evidently her motto is that
honesty is its own reward.
Prom the Detroit Free Press
A Pittsburg man has gone to court
because his wife has hidden his false
teeth. We don't blame him for feeling
down in the mouth.
From the New Britain Herald
The reason for DR.. Mary Walkers pre-
mature departure from a hospital Is out.
They tried to make her wear a lace
frilled night gown and she struck for
pajamas.
From the New Haven Register.
A couple. each of whom was seventy
four years old. and had been married be-
fore were welded recently In Boston.
One would think both were old enough
to know better.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
A valuable Servant.
rom ne San Ffancisco star.

From the San Ffancisco Star.
Jones had just run over to see II Mr..
and Mrs. Blank would so to the theater
with them. Mrs. Blank was sorry. but
unfortunately Blank was out Probably
he was at the club. She would telephone.
The following conversation ensued:
"Halloai Is this the - club? Is my
husband there? Halloai Not there? Sure?
Well, all right then; but hold on. How
do you know? haven't even told my
name"
There amt nobody's husband here
never" was the wise attendants reply.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
SPRING, BEAUTIFUL SPRING!

From the Baltimore Star.
Straw hat will soon replace the straw
ballot.
From The Baltimore Star
We are on the ragged edge of winter
to-day-also of our overcoats.
Frum the New Britain Herald.
That noise you hear is merely the
sound OF dozens Of ball players round
ing to midseason FORM
From the Detroit Free Press
Harry Thaw is making another effort
to get out Of Matteawan. This is getting
to be one of the real harbingers OF
spring.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
Drew n Crowd,

''I once woke up. IL not to find myself
famous. at least to find myself attracting
considerable attention"
How was thatT'
Il had fallen asleep on a hotel veran-
da with my mouth wide open"
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
A Troublesome Cat.

From an Exchange.
Mr.. Casey-well. il ysz think oPm 8
did yez put out the cat?
Mr.. Casey-Oi did.
Mrs. Casey-Oi don't behave Il!
Mr.. Casey-Well. II yez think Ofm q
liar, get up and put 'er out yerself.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
Rather EIactInR.

my present patient said the pretty
nurse, sis a peevish, old millionaire"
Never mind. He may ask you TO
marry him.
Yes; he may. He has about run out
OF other requests"
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
rHE yERNAL LIsr.

THE yERNAL LIST.
Buds.
Duds,
whitewash and suds;
Vans.
Cans,
Loud-rooting fans;
Bees.
Peas,
Sunshine and freeze;
Pills,
Bills.
Fever and chills:
Spring.
Bring
All OF your string!
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
From the Chicago Recurd-HerSd.

Partisan dressmakers have invented a
skirt which is more startling than any
thing the ladies have hitherto adopted.
1t contains a slit which extends above
the knee, and is to be worn with stock
ings made of siIken network, with extra
large meshes. We can't believe that
such n costume will meet with general
approval II We are TO continue to have
old-fashioned winters
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
March ~ in History.

March p. l77l-George III invents apple
dumplings.
March ., 1T55-Boswell and DR.. John
son are refused credit for one drink of
sack. A dark day.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
ChIef End of Trn.eI.

I'VE can stop on at Milan for an hour"
Can't see much in an hour!"
Il only want TO get a local label pasted
on my trunk
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
A Mild spIurge.

wife, IL business continues good
II can have a spring hat: can't To-
II was going TO say that we would get
little Willie an Easter egg
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
Full of Thrills.

WAS the play excitingg'
"oh. very! The management had en-
gagged two leading ladies. and there was
a constant struggle for the center of the
stage"
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
uncle Pennywi.e say.t

We're In the movement to beautify
Plunkville. My daughter has painted a
spray of flowers on our ash barrel.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
No Telling.

VIII early blossoms dot the lea
And brides sing?
Or will the season merely be
An almost-spring.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
From tho Chicago RecOrd-Hcald.

When J. Pierpont Morgan met Lima
Cayalieri the other day he asked her
how she preserved her youth. but she
refused TO tell him, saying she had
learned not to trust her secrets with
any man. II Lima had an idea that Mr..
Morgan would run TO the newspapers
with the story. somebody must have de-
ceived her concerning his habits.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
OF INTEREST TO WOMEN.

From the birmingham Age Herald
1t begins to look as II Helen Gould
would have TO take hold of the family
fortune in order 10 save II from becom-
ing a wreck.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22
From the Ohio State Journal.

Things certainly are uneyenly dis
tributed in this old vale OF tears. Here's
a grand opera singer who never travels
with less than seventy-five shirts, and
there's poor Mary Garden!
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22

From the Ohio State Journal
After the prominent educator who ad-
vocates teaching girls to flirt gets this
reform well under way, he probably Will
start movement TO teach ducks to
swim.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22

Here's where We nail down another
little tale OF strange coincidence
Representative Richard Barthcldt. Of
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22

FTom the BOston Herald.
II it were not for the English labor
troubles King George might become an
other Taft for travel
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22

A housewives free list is to be intro
duced into the House of Representatives.
Discounting suffrage?
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22

From the Boston Herald.
Now that winter is over, the tariff
board cotton report is right in style.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-22

Representative Humphreys. Of Missis-
sippi. used to be drummer" and sold
whisky and cigars throughout his dis
trict, but never drank or smoked, and
this made such an impression on the peo-
pie that later on when he ran for Con-
gress nobody else had much chance.