The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1912-03-05
'MENDINC AFAUCET
An Easy Job That Mr.. Gimp Tao
kled With Confidence.
1T GAVE HIM A BIG SURPRISE.

When He Got Through, or as Near
Through as He Was Permitted to
Get, He Was Rather Subdued-The
Plumbers Comment Was Quite Brief.
Mr.. Gimp came home from the city
the other day and burst into his house
with an air that meant business. He
smiled when the maid told him his
wife was out, laid a parcel on the
stairs, took off his coat, rolled up his
sleeves, took his parcel and went up
to the bathroom, where he opened the
package. 1t contained a monkey
wrench, screw driver, half a dozen
assorted rubber washers and a pipe
wrench.
Thank goodness, my wife's not
homer said Mr.. Gimp. IF there is
anything upsets a man it is the foolish
questions woman asks when he is
trying to do a job. Plumber! Shed
get plumber to mend a leaky faucet,
would she? I'll show her that a man
of intelligence can do a job in five min
utes that plumber would take all day
to do and charge S.. Noww
Mr.. Gimp turned the faucet. Not a
drop of water came out. He turned
the other 1t was dry. They were the
bathtub faucets, and the far one had
been leaking for week, while Mr.
Gimp promised day by day to attend
to it.
WELL" said Mr.. Gimp as he saw
that no water came out of the faucets,
| that's more sense than I thought that
woman possessed. Turned off the wa
ter. did she? Didn't let it run all day
when there was no need Of it, hey?
Nowr'
Mr.. Gimp took the monkey wrench
in one hand and the pipe wrench in
the other and climbed into the bath
tub Then he sat on the edge while
he studied the faucet.
"Lemme seep' he said. "You take off
that handle, and you unscrew that top
dingus. That's what you do" So he
did that Twice the monkey wrench
slipped and he skinned three knuckes
but he got the handle off. and he un-
screwed the cap and pulled out the rod
| that held the washer. Then he peered
down into the remaining portion of the
faucet and looked at the washer.
The washer seemed in good condi-
ton. He peered into the faucet and
ran his finger around in it, accumulate
ing iron rust on 1t. If the washer was
not broken what could be the matter
with the thing? There must be some
thing the matter deeper down. He set
his pipe wrench around the pipe and
grasped the faucet with the monkey
wrench. The faucet held like grim
death. The more it resisted the more
he pushed and pulled and grunted and
said strong words.
When the faucet gave at last it gave
suddenly, and Mr.. Gimp fell over the
side Of the bathtub and landed with a
bump that shook the house. He was
up again in a minute and in the bath
tub. The faucet was badly marred
where the wrench had dug into its
soft brass. and the nose of it was
twisted awry, but the faucet was off.
He took the faucet to the window and
studied it. Except for the damage he
had done 1t, there seemed nothing the
matter with it.
''Some fool plumber" said Mr.. Gimp
angrily, "has put the wrong sort of
washer into this faucet. That's what's
the matter, and that's ALL"
He picked out a different sort of
washer and put it on the plunger. It
was not good At, but it was change
anyway.
snow" said Mr.. Gimp, and he
climbed back into the bathtub. He
bumped himself down on his knees
and looked into the water pipe on
which he had to screw the faucet.
"Now," he said.
AS If that had been the signal, a
strong, vigorous stream Of water shot
out of the pipe and struck Mr.. Gimp
in the eye. He gasped for breath and
tumbled backward. But the stream
pursued him. He got up and Crap
pied with the stream.
Unless you have tried to grapple
with a stream like that you cannot
even family imagine the difficulty of
giving it good self satisfying Crap
pie. A stream like that will not fight
fair. If you put your hand over the
pipe the stream will squirt out IN for
ty-two directions. Some of them hit
the ceiling. Most Of them hit Mr.
Gimp. He wrestled silently until the
bathroom was well soaked and he was
well soaked, and then ne decided it
was better just to let the stream squirt
1t spurted into the bathtub anyway.
So he got out of the tub and dripped
on the floor and paved water out of
his hair and wiped water out Of his
eyes.
And just then the plumber came up
stairs again. He had been down cell
lar to turn on the water after he had
fixed the faucet, and it was quite nat
ural that he should come up again to
see If the faucet was well fixed. So
he came up, and he looked into the
bathroom. and he saw the faucet ~
ing in the bathtub among wrenches
and water, and he saw the water
squirting heartily.
And all he said was, "Well, I'll be
durnedy Just like that-"Well. I'll
be durnedr' That was all he said.
| Ellis Parker Butler in Judge.