davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
EVENING CHAT
BIZ RUTH CAMERON.

We were talking about the boy scout
| movement the other day, and three of US
had most enthusiastic tales to tell of the
improvement it had worked in some of the
youngsters of our acquaintance. Said the
fourth member of the group, yes, it is a
good enough scheme, but and, of
course, the but consisted of discourse
on the weaknesses and evils which she
saw in this great organization of Ameri-
cas- boyish energy. And, of course she
pride and conscious virtue Was she not
correcting our foolish and mistaken en-
thuSiaSm? Was she not opening our eyes
to the real truth?
There is a certain class of people in
this world who ought to be called the
but folks, because, like this woman,
they are always seeing butts" Whenever
you appeal to them to admire any person
or anything, they are sure to qualify
whatever praise they may be obliged to
give by but"
1t is really remarkable how keen these
people are in discovering such defects
They show in this one direction a clever
ness and an insight which they do not
seem to display in any other relation of
their lives. Suppose there is some or
have taken great comfort because it SEEM
ed so refreshingly fine and altruistic. If
you chance to speak enthusiastically
about 1t to any member of this class, he
will be sure to tell you how some one is
getting a graft out of the soctetys re-
searches, and some one else is in it just
two or three people who had appealed to
the society couldn't get any satisfaction
at all. Now you may not believe all he
says, but, in spite of yourself, your for
mer confidence is shaken. Henceforth you
cannot think of this organization without
recalling what he said and wondering how
much, if any of it, was true.
Suppose you admire some person with
an admiration as wholesome as II is
wholesale You are interested in all this
ideal does; you take vicarious pleasure
in his successes, and a vicarious pride in
his good deeds; and you are stimulated
in your own resolutions to be worth while
by his worth Wilderness. You happen to
mention your admiration to one of these
but folks, and he, or She-for women
belong to this class largely as men
saws yet, he is a BRILLIANT man, but
know some people who know him and
they say he has the most horrible table
manners that ever were And the most
dreadful taste in clothes. They really
hate to be seen with him, he Is SO eccen-
trio"
It seems as if it really hurts this kind
of people to see others enthusiastic. Ad-
rniration to them seems a weakness In
reality it is the most wholesome thing in
the world. The more hearty admirauons
a man has the more he is apt to be worth
to himself and to others. The true value
of souls" says Pater, ''is in proportion
to what they can admire. Surely that
- a suggestive thought for those people
who think they prove their sagacity and
superiority by heartily admiring little or
nothing themselves. and by trying to taint
other peoples admiraions with their
eternal butts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
TFrom the Chicago

IFrom the Chicago News.1
Be sure you're right-then don't lose
your head.
A widow says that a bachelor who di-
liberates is won.
When true lovers meet kisses speak
louder than words.
The reflections OF a bachelor usually
run to things feminine.
Many a man has acquired a hero medal
at pawnbroker's sale.
And many a fair maid goes in for local
color-of the drug store brand.
It's treat to listen to a man who asks:
Whats yours, old mani"
Even the intoxication of love may re-
suit in headache the morning after
It always makes a man mad when his
practical jokes come home to roost.
When a woman discovers that "aIl men
are alike" she hasn't anything to boast of.
An auction of titles would no doubt at
tract a large number of prospective fe-
male buyers.
It's easier for very young man to
raise his EYEBROWS than it is for him to
raise a muStache.
Some people make the mistake of trying
to reach the top of the ladder by jumping
at conclusions.
A man may smile and smile and be a
villain still-especially If he does his smii-
ing in the wet goods department.
And many a girl who starts out with
the intention of making a name for her
self winds up by turning the job over to
some man.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
TILE IRREsTsTTRT,E TAR

Judge, I'm simple sailor, as you very
plainly see,
never was in court before, at least for
bigamy;
I've served my country honest, in the
( years I've sailed the brine
wasn't killed in action, but it was no
I didn't want to marry. but this lady
here, she spies
Me on a bit of shore leave and she just
And I'm so tender-hearted that I says to
her, you see:
"oh. swab the brine you're shippin' and
come on and marry me!'
I left her there in Frisco and we cruised
around the Horn;
One day in Boston harbor I was feehn'
was waIlzin' and was takin' just bit
of exercise
When this second lady spies me and she
halls me, friendly wise.
I'm a man of much attraction, as you
very plainly see,
So she fell in love that minute and was
bound to marry me,
And to keep her heart from breakin' I
was willin' that she should,
But didn't marry her, because couldn' t
If I would.
So then 1 sailed away agin, and never
had look
To shoreward from my duty till we
sighted Sandy Hook.
And waIkin' down on Broadway I was
hailed by Number Ihree,
Who would have died of grievin' II she
couldn't marry me.
1 says to her Il can't, sir, as an honest
man would say,
But she wouldn't take that answer ana
she cried for half a day,
And because I'm tender-hearted, as you
very plainly see,
I said I could not marry her, she'd have
to marry me!
Now, there's the truth about it, and the
way it come to pass;
I'm awful tender-hearted, and the wet
cheek of a lass
Who loves me to distraction on the Irst
cruise that make
Moves me to sudden action, lest her
achin' heart should break.
So Judge, I hope make 1t clear how I
came by this here crew;
And with your kind permission I'll sur
render 'em to you.
A man as charms the fair sex so must
mind his p's and as;
And now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be off
upon my cruise.
j. w. Foley, in the New York Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
says UNCLE CIV

If you are staggering under the load
you are carrying. the chances are that
there is something in that load be-
sides work. No task is big enough
to stagger the average human brain
that has self-control enough not to
worry or waste its energies in dissf-
patton. The man who goes to the
boneyard at forty doesn't go there
because he has been playing Atlas
and carrying the world on his Shout
ders. If it isn't the fear that the
world will slip if he changes posi-
ton, it's because he has been trying
to turn night into day or to do some
thing equally impossible.
1t is the fussy and i'll balanced per-
son who wears out-the fussy per-
son because he burns up his energy
worrying, the i'll balanced person be-
cause he burns it up in unnatural
pleasures. The path strewn with fidg-
cts and the one decorated with fool
ish frolics lead alike to the bugaboo
haunted realms Of neurasthenia. The
one gets today entangled with to-
morrow and yesterday, to the utter be-
traveller. The other exhausts tonight
the energy necessary to the labors of
tomorrow Between the lot. of him
who works overtime and takes his
task to bed with him, and he who
forgets it in excuses and doesn't go
to bed in time, there is little choice.
Both are treading' the broad way that
leads, through nerves, general break
down and a complication of diseases,
unto destruction.-(C Copyright, 1912,
by w. E. Williams.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
HUNOR or THE DIP

as your husband sticking to his reso-
luton to give up smolxing?" Mercy, no!
Haven't you noticed how good-natured he
is?''-Chicago Record-Herald.
ct don't think I'll go to any more of
my wife's parties said Mr.. Cumrox-
Don't you enjoy yourself?" Yes. Only
some one always mistakes me for one Of
the guests and starts in making remarks
about how made my money."-Washing-
ton Star.
Gillet-The people in the flat above us
are constantly fighting. Perry-Doesn't
to have fuss made over her.-New York
Sun.
HiIo-Have you still got that pet cat
you used to call an Angora7 Bilo-Oh,
no; had it made into this woolly hat
SO now it's fedora.-Denver News.
Mrs. Henpecke-John, why are you read
ing the marriage notices? Mr.. Henpecke-
/ Just want to see II there isn't somebody
married L don't nke-Puck.
at want you to know that our people
used to have money" Il accept that as
an Indication that some OF them also
used to have brains-"-Detroit Free Press.
THAT new boarder is acting in a rather
peculiar manner Yes" said the land
lady. He is either going to pay up or
propose."-Kansas City Journal
s'Pop, why are you called the head OF
the fa1nily?" 'It is merely a courtesy
title, my son."-Cleyeland Plain Dealer.
''I insist that am just as young as
used to be-" That's all right as long as
you don't try to act that way."-Eiouston
Post.
Old Lady Ito new arrival at Riviera
HoteD-And are you here for tennis or
golf? Newcomer-Neither - bronchitis
Puck.
ct can read your mind. I see therein
dark thoughts" Yes. / was wondering
when we.would get our coaI."-Baltimore
American
men and see the Aztec giants, descend
ants of a long-extinct race.-Meggendor-
fer Blaetter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
FROM OTHER PENS
THE SPARROW PROBLEM.


A discovery of tremendous biolog
ical and chronological Importance Is
wrapped UP in the announcement from
our laborious professors of the de-
partment of agriculture that at last a
use has been found for the English
sparrow. Thus it is again demonstra-
ted that even the meanest things in
life have their purposes. If we can
but ferret them out, and we are re-
minded that if we will only put our
trust in scientists they will lead US
out of the wilderness in their own gooo
time. 1t must be admitted, at the
outset, that it has taken them a con-
siderable spell to find virtue in the
sparrow, but considering calmly the
magnitude of their task, we must, in
all justice, hail their discovery as a real
achievement.
There is but one drawback that We
can see to the solution of the spar
row problem as suggested by the learn
ed bugologistS. Grained that the spar
row is the one bird that can be de-
pended upon to destroy the alfalfa
weeVil, how do they propose to get the
sparrows to leave their cozy perches
in our parks and hedges and hike out
to the barren wastes of Utah and
Montana? Here is a proposition worthy
Of Tama Jim Wilson's personal atten-
ton. Manifestly the fact that the spar
row Will eat the alfalfa bug is of no
moment unless some steps can be ta-
ken to apprise the birds that ban
quet awaits him on the western plains,
and even were it possible to transmit
the information to them, the task of
transporting them to the irrigated
states would be a stupendous one.
We do not pretend to speak for the
department of agriculture, but basing
our opinion upon past performances,
we should not be surprised to hear that,
after mature elaboration, the biologists
and entomologists have concluded that,
inasmuch as the sparrows could not
be prevailed upon to go to the alfalfa,
the alfalfa should be brought to them.
This, Of course, would be by no means
a practical solution of the sparrow
problem, but what a Vindication II
would be for Observation-Disclosures Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
BY THE WAY
By HARVEY PARSONS.

! We offer no objections to Bud
Fishers marriage. We have felt Tor
some time that a few of his pictures
needed a censor, and if he is married,
everything he does will be censored.
Magazines best magazines-are
now printing the stories written by o.
Henry and turned down by editors
years ago. But that is slim consolation
for a lot of writers who couldn't be-
come Q. Henrys even if they died in
the attempt.
Now that the drug store windows are
full of sassafras bark. it is safe to Off
cially announce that Spring has Come.
1t is a sure sign when the cough syrup
is removed and the sassafras takes its
place.
When a manufacturing concern de-
cides to give up the ghost, it turns it's
unstable product over to q newspaper
that gives premiums. And portion of
the public that refused to bite on the
product at almost cost price, leafs it
up" at double price with premium"
sugar coating.
The crop of candidates for sheriff in
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, would indi-
cate that the story of Crazy Snakes
demise is widely credited in that To-
cality.
There may be character in flowers, as
some near-scientists declare, but if the
dandelion digger holds out our yard
shall not exhibit a streak of yellow this
year.
It is reported that the missing Allen
outlaws are in southern California. The
report may not be true, but it will be
temporary mental relief to the detec-
tives who are so busily engaged in
hunting them through the hills of Vir-
ginia.
After calmly reviewing the ninth
inning of the fourth game, local fan
thinks Wichita ought to be ashamed TO
take 1t. But knowing Wichita as we
do, we suspect that Wichita looks at it
just like little Peterkin's grandpa look
ed at the battle of Blenheim,-as
famous victory.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24

night How could you go away with
out letting me know? I had a wire
once on some preliminary business in
connection with my new job, and ]
must leave at tonight. I love you,
Electra ARTHUR T. PALMER
Electra turned hot and cold as she
read the note. He was called to New
York Yes. after last night, he had all
| the material he needed He was false,
false, false, and he had kissed her and
buried her face in her hands.
| For week dali letters came from
him, but she hid them away-unopen-
ed. A paper came also, addressed in
his writing, and that was sadly put
away with the letters.
| And then one day after dinner she
slipped off down by the big pines to
| be alone, but her mother, glancfng out
of the window, had seen her go. So
when Mr.. Palmer called she sent him
there.
Electra, sobbing with hidden face,
did not know any one was near until
she was gathered no in his arms. Her
protests were smothered in kisses and
her struggles wer Gained by his
strength. Her head lay YEARLY back
on his shoulder. Little by little he got
the whole story of his perhdy from
her.
But surely when the lady came you
understood?'
Nobody came oh, did you dare to
send her here?" she moaned, strain
ing away from him.
Suddenly he took his arm from
about here shoulders and shook her
soundly.
"Stop It'll" he commanded and set
tied her back against a tree. "Now,"
he said, folding his arms and looking
in her eyes, do you mean to tell me
that you didn't get my letters?"
ST got some, b-but 1 didn't open any
after the one where you said you were
going away"
Then 1 suppose you did not open
The Lady of the House either"
''What?"
"a sample copy of the magazine I
am to edit in order to afford to marry
you. Go UP to the house and read
those letters and open that magazine
and look it over, and then If you want
to see me come back here. March,
now!"
Electra stared at him with wide
open eyes as he settled himself COM
fortably on the soft brown needles, and
then-she marched" 20 copyrighted,
1912, by Associated Literary Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
WILL DISCLOSED ROMANCE.

A romance in the life of the late DR..
Charles Ambrook, a pioneer physician
of Boulder, was revealed when his
will was filed for probate. DR.. Am
brook divided the bulk Of his estate
between his first and second wives
DR.. Mary Louise Ambrook, from whom
he was divorced, and Grace Revine
Sternberg- Ambrook. To his son,
Albert William, by his first wife, he
left personal property Of no great
value.
Thirteen years ago DR.. Ambrook
was called to attend Miss Grace Re-
vine Sternberg, the 19-year-old daugh-
ter of D. K. Sternberg. 1t was a case
Ambrook was then So years old, but
disparity in age did not affect the
ardor of their affection for each other.
DR.. Ambrook got a divorce, and a
year later married Miss Sternberg. The
first Mrs. Ambrook, with money pro-
vided by her divorced husband, attend
ed the medical school at the Univer-
sity of Michigan at Ann Arbor, where
degree she returned to Boulder to
practice medicine and occupied a
house next door to that of her di-
vorced husband. Mrs. Ambrook No.
became friendly with Mrs. Anbrook
No. 2. .0S
A son, Albert, born by the first mar
riage and now 80 years of age, has
lived with his mother since the sepa-
rd1oH ana ne was present Wnen MS
father died.
After his death DR.. Ambrook's body
was held a week, to carry out the
wishes of the deceased, who always
had a fear of being buried alive. The
widow and Albert attended to all fu-
neral details and the body was inferred
seven days after death.
The will, filed in the county court,
provided that Albert William Am
brook shall be given his fathers
watch. walking cane. military papers.
typewriter and desk. Out of his life
insurance shall be paid a note of
$1,000 for money lent him by his
wife, Grace Revine Ambrook.
The residue of the life insurance
shall go to Mary Ambrook, who is also
given the frame residence in which he
had been living, and a brick house and
$50 acres of farm land in Cheyenne
county, Nebraska. This is given her
for her use, and upon her death this
is to go to the son, Albert William
Ambrook.
A desire was expressed that the
money be invested in interest bearing
securities. The property can be dis
posed of by Mary Louise Ambrook AL
bert William Ambrook joining in the
deed.-Boulder. Colo, dispatch to New
York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
QUAKER MEDITATIoNs.
[From the Philadelphia Record.


It's the easiest thing in the world to
know what other people ought to do
All things are more apt to come to the
man who is too busy to wait for them.
A woman can always make man feel
cheap by calling him Dear in public.
Nell-"Jack PAGER is one of the best fell
lows the sun shines on" Believes, but
he sleeps all day.
Experience is the best teacher" quoted
the Wise Guy. Yes, but 1t only teaches
some of us what fools we used to be-
added the Simple Mug.
Hands up! Gimme your money ex-
claimed the train robber. TOO late'' re-
piled the tourist. 1T get off at the next
station, and I have already tipped the
porter
Mamma. what is a gossip?'' asked the
little girl. "A gossip replied the little
girls mamma, lis a person who tells
something before we have chance to tell
1t ourselves"
observation-disclosures is the most careless
fellow about his dress 1 ever saw. He
ought to get married" Buggins-''But he
is married" Muggins- "Then he ought to
get divorced
Blobbs-"Hellol slobbs Can you lend
me $40 till next week?' Slobbs-''Sure
Here's your ten" Blobbs-"Thanks old
man. This is a kindness feel can
never repay"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24

An amateur electrician in Wisconsin
Is alleged to have made a lot Of money
out of a rat trap. Chances are three
to one that it will turn out like the
story OF the Kansas boy who had been
paid 'steen thousand dollars for the
words OF a song. 1t developed that
he mad read an advertisement of a
nusic-wrtting concern which promised
a fortune to anyone who paid Gin ad-
vance, its fees for setting words to
music. He had the words on hand,
and rushed out to circulate the story
of his good fortune before waiting for
an answer from the concern.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24

The fourth officer of the Titanic
thinks he saw a ship pass in the night.
Followers of the occult will hold that
it was the Flying Dutchman," the en-
ble-n and visitation of evil which
portends nautical disaster. Close investi-
cation will probably prove beyond a
doubt that it was some foreign ship
which has not taken advantage of the
modern convenience and safety device
wireless and was therefore just as use
less in emergency as the Flying
Dutchman."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Nobody can make a very fair est1-
mate of his own faults.
4
If dogs had the power of speech they
nrobabIv wouldn't do so much biting.
u x T.
The more unreasonable man is the
harder he tries to defend his position.
y X
It's usually the case that when man
needs encouragement most he gets
little or none.
\ X
MANY a little kitchen garden is now
being cared for with enthusiasm that
will be sadly neglected later on
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24

A weighty question being hammered
out by the city council of Kansas City
is that ordinance regulating the
height OF spite fences" An old or
dinance limited such fences to five feet,
but a recent ordinance passed in
favor of a suburban ball park, per-
rrlfts a fence eight feet high. AS the
provision was made under the spite
fence" ruling, it appears that the de-
sire of a ball club to prevent a house
holder from giving ''rooter" party in
his parlor, is pure spite on the part
of the ev7I-minded baseball manage
menG
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
DAFFYDHS
BY U. NOALL.

If a trader on the street went daffy
over stocks would you call him WALL
nut?
(Stand back, boysi Give 'em air.)
If flowers drop their petals what does
the coal shed?
Hey! Catch that soft boiled egg
that's sliding down your vest Do you
want to lose IT'D
If it's the Mississippi why do they
call it the Father of Waters?
(Quit teasin' me.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24

a farmer living near Great Bend
found a dozen rattlesnakes in a post
hole, according to a current story,
and has decided to raise snakes in
stead of heifers to pay off the mort
gage. The man who would raise snakes
would raise horseradishes-and there's
nothing in either of them but the bite,
but it isn't worth while viewing with
alarm or writing letters to the snake
farmer. The story was probably a
snake story anyway.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

rFrom the New York P-ess.J
Keeping up appearances costs a mans
creditors a heap of money.
In an argument a man seems to think
he's nothing but a bass drum.
The reason people insist upon living IN
the city is they'd be so much more con-
tented in the country.
Round-trip excursion tickets might
make people more willing to go to heaven
than they seem to be.
A woman always wants a man to tell
her how he admires the way she dresses
her hair, specially IL he doesn't
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24

A number of insurance companies
will lose heavily by the Titanic disas-
ter. 1t is probable that some of them
will even have to pay for the suit case
and seven trunks Bruce Ismay left in
his stateroom. The chances are still
better that some accident insurance
company will have to pay for the
shock and mental anguish" he suffer
ed during the several hours he spent
in a life boat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24

This is the time of year when a
treatise on chow to plant sweet peas so
they will come up" gets a place on
the second or third page, and other
and less important matters, such as
the tariff and the ownership of the
south pole. find positions adjacent to
a turn-rule reader advertisement. It
is also the season for the socalled
head of the house to find his tobacco
jar empty because the better-two-
thirds read somewhere that tobacco
would keep the early spring bug off
the zerauiums
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-24

And plain assault and battery might
get results where both legislation and
the popular vote fail. War against
anarchists is an admission of weak
ness on the part Of organized society
but half a dozen well directed boots
and brickbats will do more toward
breaking up a meeting of anarchists
than votes or legislation.