Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1912-11-06
OVER THE TELEPHONE.
BY E. B. Merritt.

bht ICdl VI MS CoiuDlHtu Dulcntr SnOD
and grocery store preparing for the days
business. Johnny, his one assistant in
the shop, has just come, manifesting
symptoms of unfinished sleep.
Mr.. Smart wraps his white apron around
him and smiles gleefully. Its a great
world. Johnny; don't you feel happy?
he asked cheerfully.
AS happy as a caught fish," answers
the boy petulantly
'Oh, brace up. The world was made to
be happy in. Start the DAY by feeling
good toward every one. feel like l
could love my worst enemy, and
The telephone rings.
rs that Smart's grocery store?, asks
voice on the wire.
Yes, ma'am. What can do for your
DO for me! You just wait till you get
chance to do anything for me again
You charged me twelve cents more for
eggs yesterday than YOU did week ago
Do you think I'll stand for any such inn
position as that?'
ket price"
Explain nothing. / don't want to talk
to you any more.'' Bang!
Wy Dlu YOU ever near Oh SuCl a
woman"
Thought you said you could love your
worst enemy" comments Johnny.
The telephone rings again. rs that
Mr.. Smart?'
Eyes, ma'am."
II want a half-dozen eggs right away;
haven't thing in the place for break
fast; Mrs. Jones; yes. But listen here
those last eggs you sent me weren't SO
fresh"
They were fresh eggs, Mrs Jones, just
like / always have
please don't argue, Mr.. Smart 1
never like to have any one contradict me.
How long before 1 can get the eggs? 1t
must be right away"
"Why, you're eight blocks away, Mrs.
| Jones'"
II don't care If 1 am. 1 do all my
trading with you. My account last
month was s22, and If you can't accom-
modate me once I'll get another grocer
"Oh, there's no need of doing that I'll
send your eggs Hangs up the receiv-
err Accommodate her once-humph! /
wonder If grocer could keep her trade
a week without accommodating her a
il-uOZtH LILIES d Jay.
Another ring of the telephone. Mr..
Smart, this is Mrs. Bradley. must have
a box of oatmeal for breakfast. Please
send it right away"
Sorry, but the wagons getting ready
to go about a mile the other way. Mrs.
Bradley, and it may be a half hour before
l can get it to you
THAT is preposterous. Why can't you
send your clerk with it?"
Impossible. He's got to fix up the
early orders
II never heard of such a grocery store
in my life" GA grating sound as the
| receiver is slammed on it's hook.)
"Oh, Mr.. Smart" says the next voice,
this is Mrs. Lewis. Can you get me a
pound of butterine over right away? I've
got the toast already on; so it must come
right away"
How can 1 get pound of butterine
over there by the time your toast is
brown"
We'd. If you can't do it, you need not
send your solicitor around any more,
I'm tired of being refused accomnoda-
ton
And to think; there's woman I've
treated with all kinds of consideration"
Mr. Smart soliloquizes, despairingly. "A
fine chance gorcer has Of getting his
customers affections
You love all those people. don't you?'
leases Johnny, from the front of the
store.
Another ring. "Is that you,. Mr.. Smart?
This is Mrs. Jones again. waast some
bacon sent with my eggs
Your eggs are on the way
ION the way? Why. / must have the
bacon. Can't you send the boy In the
store with fty'
mo, ma'am. 1 can't spare him.
''WeH. you ought to have more clerks"
Its all I can do to pay the one,'' MUIR
murs Mr. Smart
I'D advise you to improve your ser
vice. Good-by-" with sternness)
Mr.. Smart. you'd better come and talk
to this lady; she says you cheated her."
calls Johnny.
What nextg' the grocer kicks himself,
struggling with his philosophy.
Look here Mr.. Smart, don't let any
body take advantage of me, and that's
just what you have DONE" exclaims the
angry woman in the store.
nat lnc tIOuDlc! Hcthly
Mr.. Smart.
II have been buying tomatoes for ten
cents can FOR years and yesterday you
had twelve cents on my ticket
''Tfave to do 1t, Mrs. Clancy: The
tomato crop was short this year ard the
price is up. I pay s135 a dozen and
make a gross profit of nine cents a. dozen
So I'm not pi1ing up any wealth on the
canned tomatoes sell"
You can't tell me that's all the profit
you make. You grocers are getrlng rich
with these high prices is her parting
shot
"She ought to have to pay the ex-
penses; she'd change her mind" observes
Mr.. Smart as the telephone rings again.
"Hello" says the voice. THAT sack OF
flour You sent me was short In weight
and I refuse to pay for it,
I'm send you another. Good
''But wait a minute. That can of coffee
lacked more than an inch of being full"
IAN right, Mrs. Smith, I'll send another
can of coffee, too"
81 must have them right away"
Every woman thinks we've got horse
and wagon waiting at the door to deliver
her stun the instant fits telephoned for"
observes the grocer, land If they pay