Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-12-14
Up-to-Date Jokes

For three solid hours the captain had
been lecturing his men on "the duties
of a soldier" and he thought it was
time to sec how much they had under
stood Of his discourse. Casting his
eyes round the room, he fixed on Pri-
vate Murphy as his first victim.
Private Murphy" he asked, why
should soldier be ready to die for his
CountryT'
Private Murphy scratched his head
for a moment, and then a smile of en-
lightenment crossed his face.
Sure, captain" he said. pleasantly,
you're quite right. Why should hep
Interested Lady-Oh, dear, look!
That's Mr.. Rhyme1, the celebrated
poet See how his finger touches his
lip and how his lofty brow is knit in
thought Oh. 1 wonder what sweet
uorsel Of verse he is meditating?
Mr.. Rhymer Ito hinself)-'T have to
order sugar from the grocers, beef
at the butchers, pay for last weeks
bread, and bring some soothing syrup
for the baby I wish to goodness Mary
would attend to all these things her
self
Counsel for the defendant in Grim
inal case had made an eloquent speech,
bringing tears to the eyes of many
present in court; but the jury, com
posed Of hard headed old countrymen
on whose ears oratory and sentiment
fell like snowfiakes on a warm chimney,
were unmo~ed. Counsel for the prose
cution, rising to reply, took their meas
ure at glance.
Gentlemen" he said, '1et it be I'M
derstood to begin with that I am not
boring for water!"
The ofiNoers Of q British man of war
were entertaining their friends with a
grand lunch, and in attendance were
some typical British tars. A young
lady, wanting a piece of bread, looked
behind her chair at one of the sailors
in waiting and asked him to bring her
what she wanted. But he drew himself
up stiff and stern and, to her amaze
nent, replied:
Cant do II, miss; I'm told off for
taters''
The other day a visitor surprised a
distinguished professor, who was say
ing to his baby:
"on-ny, no-ny, 3 mussy tick his
footsy tootsies-"
Just then he caught sight of the WIS.,
ltor, blushed and muttered:
No, no; you must not expose your
PEDAL extremities by extending them
beyond the protective covering of the
blankets, or you will lay your system
open to attacks of catarrhal affec-
ton"
MCKEE was badly hurt in that street
car smash, wasn't he, doctor?"
Very. we had to amputate both
legs"
How sad! Will he pull through"
oh, yes; Wen have him on his feet
again in less than three months"
Mr.. Robinson-Why do you stop so
oIten! Can't you keep up with me?
Fair Typist (rather shaky in her
orthogTaphy)-Oh, yes, but your Ian
Suage is so eloquent that / frequently
feel myself spellbound.
Sunday School Teacher-And when
the prodigal son came home. what hap
pened. Tommy?
Tommy-His father ran to meet him
and hurt himself
Sunday School Teacher-Why where
lid you get that?
Tommy-It said his father ran and
-elI on his neck. l bet it would hurt
YOU to fall on your neck!
Johnson-Ah. see the newspapers
are speaking about me again this
morning.
Simpson-Indeed! In what connec-
ion?
Johnson-Well, they say that at the
lose of last week there were'over four
Millions of people in New York. l am
me Of them.
Ihis incident of judges rebuke is
'eIated in the case of a lawyer of the
'ggressive and belligerent class. When
ne latter concluded speech of great |
ehgth, delivered in particularly loud !
olce' the Judge quietly remarked that
u had few observations to make to |
ne jury now that the uproar in court !
las subsidized"
he Preacher-We never realize the
uli value Of anything until we lose #
Inc Bereaved Wife-That's so:
a llHs -.