Smyrna times., 1912-01-24
AN OPEN
QUESTION
By NJ. QUAD
Copyright. 1911. by Associated Lit
eTary Press.
By M. QUAD


Jabez Stebbins, but he didn't think it |
a bit wicked to view the elephants and
eamels as they paraded up and down |
the streets.
People noticed that he seemed to be |
feeling extra good as he drove in, but
half an hour later he astOnished every
body. He uttered preliminary whOOp
or two and then got down from his
wagon to tackle one of the elephants.
Of course the circus men interfered,
and then he cut loose and licked three
of them before he could be quieted.
He was hauled up before Squar War
ner for disturbing the peace. and the
squar. who had known him for thirty
years, said:
"Jabez, | can't make it out. You are
one of the peacefulest men around
here, and nobody ever saw you drunk,
but you must have taken a swig or two
to make you act as you did. I'm going
to let you go, but my advice to you is
to beware of the flowing bowl in the
future"
"Squar, it was hard cider-nothing
but hard cider" explained JabeZ. 81
took a drink of hard cider two years
old and it made me lose my head"
AS Jabez was 4 church member, the
brethren had to take up his lapse from
grace. and nothing else was talked Of
for two weGSs Then. at the instance
of Deacon Baker, who had been drink
ing hard cider for twenty-eight years
| and never, stubbed his toe over it,
committee of six was appointed to in
vestigate and report They drove out
| to Stebbins' place, and he drew pail
| of cider and took them out to the barn.
The deacon led off with about a pint
and smacked his lips and passed the
cup. There was a wait of fifteen
minutes to watch results. They didn't
pan out much Deacon Black got a
little playful and threw Goodwill Jones
on his back, and Saul johnson turn
ed the handle Of an old tanning mill
so fast as to shake the whole thing
down, but these things were not re-
corded.
The pail was emptied and Jabez re-
filed it. He wasn't in on tie drinks,
but his face were a broad grin after
that second drink had been taken.
symptoms soon developed. Deacon
Hope. who had been carrying a bland
countenance, suddenly sobered up and
turned to Deacon Thomas and said:
Deacon, durn your hide. but l De-
lieve you'd hide stones in a load of
hay"
"Whats thatY' shouted Deacon
Thomas. "Say. you old hog stealer,
don't you go talking about me or i'll
knock your head OFF,
Peace was made between the two
men, but a moment later Goodwill
Jones brought Benjamin Schermerhorn
a mighty slap between the shoulders
and cried out:
"How is it. old man-dO you lick
your wife as often as you used tor
Il never licked her!'
''You are a liarv'
''Lemme get at him!'
There were two or three other out
breaks, but by and by the dove OF
peace came, and all cried on one an
others shoulders. Then Deacon BlacE
stepped up to the cider pail for the
, third time and huskily said:
} Ladies' and gem'len, we have ME
to test this hard cider question, and
, by gum, we are going to do it! l say
it won't intOxicate, and the man wh'
, says it will is liar!'
Z KNOCK his head Off" shouted Sau
Johnson.
"I'll knock yours off insteadw whoop
ed Goodwill Jones.
}. Deacon Black stopped the row b!
|. drinking another pint, and while tn
. cup was going around Jabez Stubbin
K ran into the house and said to hi
}. wife:
: Hammer, you come out to the barr
in about ten minutes and you'll sc
more fun than a boss can draw"
= He made no mistake. Ten minute
= after the third pint was down Deaco
Black proposed a country dance, an
all began to shuttle and cavort an
sing.
The horseplay lasted about qua
ter of an hour Then they fell upo
one anothers necks and cried. The
Deacon Hope charged Deacon Blac
with putting only a cent in the contr
button box the Sunday previous, an
the latter called Deacon Hope III
man hog. Then the fight began.
went all over the barn and out int
the yard and over the fence, and whe
it ended six rnen lay where they la
fallen and slept and snored.
p Jabez had to drive to town to q
- help to load them into his wagon, an
a one by one they were delivered
I their homes. OF course there wi
s more talk, and it was a week befol
the committee reported. The substan'
of the report was:
Z sowing to the fact that a cycloI
s came along ard destroyed the barn b
I fore we had finished our test we car
( say whether hard cider intoxicates
Z not. We suggest, however that it
8 kept mostly for tin peddlers."
- Fpo 4bfc dov tha o11aStiOn iS still I