davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
XIX.
TMIns and a sissy.

Twins and a Sissy.
Mrs. Hamilton and Mrs. Black were
sitting on Miss Minerva's veranda talk
ing to her, and Lima and Frances
were in the swing with Billy. The at
traction proved too great for Jimmy;
he impolitely left q d~isconsolate little
visitor sitting ON his own porch while
he jumped the fence and Joined the
other children.
Don't you all wish you could ses
Mrs. Browns new twinses?" was his
greeting as he took his seat by Billy.
Where d she get emp" asked
Frances.
Doctor Sanford tooken 'em to her
last night"
"He muster found 'em in a boiler
stump" remarked Billy. 81 knows.
cause that g where Doctor Shackle-
foot finds aller OF Aunt Blue-Gum
Tempy's Perjury Pearline's, an me
an Wilkes Booth Lincoln been lookin'
in ev'y boiler stump we see ever
sence we's born. an we amt never
foun' no baby t all, cause can't mo-
body but jes, doctors fin 'em. l wish
he d a-give 'em to Aunt Minerva
'stidder Mrs. Brown"
II wish he d bringed 'em to my
mama," said Frances.
y certainly do think he might have
| given them to u.s." declared Lima, "and
I m going to tell him 80, too. AS
much money as father has paid him
for doctors bills and as much old.
mean medicine as l have taken just
to 'commodate him; then he gives ba-
bies to everybody but u.s."
II m awful glad he eve give EN-
to my mama" said Jimmy, "eause l
never could had no more fun; they'd
be struck right under my nose all
time, and all time put their mouth in
everything you want to do, and all
time meddling. You can't fool me
bout twinses. But l wish / could see
EN-! They SO weakly they got to be
Matched in a nincubator."
What g that?" questioned Frances.
THAT g a someping what you
matches chickens and babies in when
they's delicate and amt got 'nough
breath and amt got they eyes open
and amt got no feathers on" ex-
planned Jimmy.
Reckon we can see 'emT she
asked.
See nothing!" shifted the little boy.
Ever sence Billy let Mr.. Algernon
Jones whack Miss Minerals beau we
can't do nothing at all 'thout grown
folks r. stuck right under your nose.
| m jes' cramped to DEATH"
when l m a mama," unused Fran
ces, Il hope Doctor Sanford IL bring
me three little twinses, and two NAL
tese kittens, and a little Japanese, and
a monkey. and a parrit."
when l m a papa" said Jimmy, 81
don want no babies at all, all they g
good for is JUS to set round and YELL"
Look like God d sho' be busy
a-makin' SO many babies" remarked
Billy.
why. God don have none a the
trouble" explained Jimmy. HE g
just got him a baby factory in heaven
like the chair factory and the canning
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
XXI.
Pretending Reality.


The Changing had been working
In the street not far from Miss Mi.
nerva's house, and Lima. Frances, Billy
and Jimmy had hung on her front
fence for an hour, watching them with
eager interest. The negroes were
chained together in pairs, and guard
ed by two, big, burly white men.
Lets us play ch~ain-gang," suggest
ed Jimmy.
Where we goin' to git a chain? ?"
queried Billy; "t won't be no fun
'thout a lock an chain"
Il can get the lock and chain off m
Sarah James cabin"
"Yo' mama don't low you to go to
her cabin" said Billy.
my mama don't care if I just bora
a lock and chain; so l m going to get
it."
81 m going to be the perlice of the
gang" said Frances.
"Perlice nothing. You all time talk
ing bout you going to be a perlice,"
scoffed Jimmy. 81 m going to be the
perlice myself"
"No, you are not" interposed Lima,
firmly. Billy and l are the tallest and
we are going to be the guards, and
you and Frances must be the prison
ers."
well, l amt going to play 'thout |
can be the boss Of the niggers. 1t g
Sarah James chain and she g my
mama's cook. and I'm going to be what
| please"
"E II tell you what do" raj Billy's
suggestion, "we1l take it turn about;
me an Lima II first be the perlice an
y all be the chain-gang, an then we
II be the niggers an y all be the
bosses"
This arrangement was satisfactory,
so the younger boy climbed the fence
and soon returned with a short chain
and paddock.
Billy chained Jimmy and Frances to
gether by two round, fat ankles and
put the key to the lock in his pocket.
I'VE must decide what crimes they
have committed" said Lima.
frances done got rested fer shoot.
in craps an Jimmy done got rested
fer 'sturbin' public worship" said the
other boss.
ITO RE coNTINJJED1
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
Billy glanced noncha,antly at her.

Billy glanced n~oncha!antly at her.
Don't you think, Aunt Minerva" he
made answer. Il s gil tin too big to go
thout any shoes? s mos ready to
put on long pants, an how'd | look,
Ia Jest like to know, goin' round bare
footed an got or long breeches ]
don believe I II 60 barefooted no mo
Ill jest wear my shoes ev'y day"
Il Just believe you won't. Go take
them off at once and hurry back to
your dinner"
"Lemme jest wait tell | eats" he
begged, hoping to postpone the evil
hour Of exposure.
mo, go at once, and be sure and
wash your hands"
Miss Minerva spied the paint the in
slant he made lis second entrance
and Immediately inquired, How did
you get that laint on your feet?"
The little boy took his seat at the
table and looked up at her with his
sweet, attractive, winning smile.
Paint pertec's little boys %feets," he
said, AN keeps 'em f'om gittin' hurt
ed, Aunt Minerva, don't it?"
Miss Minerva laid down her fork
and gave her nephew her undivided
attention.
you have been getting into mischief
again, I see, Wil9iam; now tell me all
about it. Are You afraid of me?"
"Yas m" was his prompt response,
AN don't want to be put to bed
neither. The mater he would MT put
little boys to bed day times"
She blushed and ryed him thought.
fully. She was making slow progress
with the child, she knew, yet she still
felt 1t her stern duty to be very strict
with him and, having laid down GER
tain rules to rear him by. she wished
to adhere to them.
William" she said after he had
made a full confession, Il won't pun
ish you this time for know that Jim
my led you into 1t but"
"Naw'm, Jimmy did MT. Me an
him an Frances an Lina's all spoons
ible, but / promise you, Aunt Minerva
not to clam no mo- ladders"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

factory down by the railroad, and
angels JUS all time make they arms
and legs, like niggers do at the chair
factory, and all God got to do Is JUS
glue EN- together, and stick In their
souls. God got bout the easiest job
they u.s."
II thought angels jes' clam the
golden stair and play they harps,"
said Billy.
Amt we going to look sweet at
Miss CecilA;s wedding?" said Frances,
after a short silence.
81 II betcher l IL be the cutest kid
in that church." boasted Jimmy con-
ceitedly. you coming, amt you,
Billy"
Il gotter 60" answered that Tilted
swain, gloomily. Aunt Minerva amt
got nobody to leave me with at home.
l jes' wish she d git married"
"Why would MT you be a page,
Billy?" asked Lima.
cause l did MT hafto," was the
snappish reply,
Il bet my mama give her the finest
present they is," Dragged the smaller
boy; Il reckon 1t cost bout a million
dollars"
Mother gave her a handsome cut
glass vase" said Lima.
1T looks like Doctor Stanford would
we give Miss Cecilia those twinses
for a wedding present" said Frances.
"Who is that little boy sitting on
your porch, JIMMY" asked Lima, no
ticing for the first ame a lonelyIook-
ing child.
That's Leon Upton, Aunt Elias lit.
tie boy. He Just come out fr4n Mem
phis to spend the day with me and nj
be awful glad when he goes home;
he's bout the stuck-up-est kid they is,
and skeerys He s bout the ,fraidest
young un eyer you see. And look at
him now! Wears long curls like a girl
and don't want to never get his clean
clo'es dirty"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
CHAPTER Xxx.
Rising In the World.

The painter had just finished put
ting a bright green coat of paint upon
the low, fiat roof Of Miss Minerva's
long back-porch. And he left his lad
der leaning against the house while he
went inside to confer with her in re-
gard to some other work.
Billy. Jimmy, Frances and Lima had
been playing Fox and Geese" Run
ming around the house they spied the
ladder and saw no owner to deny
them.
lie 8 clam up and get on top the
porch" suggested Jimmy.
Aunt Minerva ii put me to bed II /
do" said Billy.
Mother II make me learn a whole
page Of the catechism IL | climb a lad
der" said Lima.
my mama II shut me up In the
closet. but our mamas are MT bound
to know bout it,"-thts from Frances.
Come on. let Is climb up"
Il amt never promise not to clam
no ladder but -" Billy hesitatsd.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

I think he = q beautiful little boy"
championed LIZA Call him over
here. Jimmy"
Nav. I don't want to. You ali II
like him a heap better I'VE there; he's
one o. these-here kids what the fur.
der you get way from EN-, the better
you like EN-"
"He sho' do look lonesome" said
Billy; "vite him over. Jimmy"
"Leon!" screamed his cousin, you
can come over here IL you wantta."
The lonesome-looking little boy
promptly accepted the invitation, and
came primiy through the two gates.
He walked proudly to the swing and
stood, cap In hand, waiting for an in
PRODUCTION.
Why did MT you clam the fence,
stead Of coming th'oo the gates?"
growled Jimmy. you bout the prissi.
est boy they is. Well, why don't you
set DOWN."
Introduce me. please" said the
elegant little city boy.
"Interduce your grandma's pussy
cats" Knocked Jimmy. set down, !
tell you"
Frances and Lima made room for
him between them and soon gave him
their undivided attention, to the In
tense envy and disgust Of the other
two little boys.
II am Lima Hamilton" said the lit.
tie girl on his right
"And l m Frances Black, and Jim
my ought to be 'shamed to treat you
like he does"
Il knows a turrible skeery tale" re-
marked a malicious Billy, looking at
Lima and Frances. III y all want
girls I d tell it to YOU"
"We r MT any more scared n you,
William HILL" cried Frances. her In
terest at once aroused; II already
know bout raw meat and bloody
bones and nothing 3 scarier n that"
"And l know 'Fe, Fl, Fo, FUN,
smell the blood of an Englishman. Be
he alive or be he dead, I'll ground his
bones to make me Bread" said Lima.
"This-here tale" continued Billy,
glueing his big eyes to those of the
little stranger, "is one Tabernicle
learnt fer a speech at school. 1t g all
bout a oman what was buriet in a
graveyard with a diamant ring on her
finger, an a robber come In the
night" The child's tones were gut
tural, thrilling and %hair-raising as he
glared into the eyes of the effeminate
Leon, IAN a robber come in the night
an try to cut it off, an ha'nts was
groanin' an the win moan 10000
| an"
Leon could stand 1t no longer.
Il am going right back" he cried
rising with round, frightened eyes, 81
am not going to sit here and listen to
you, soaring little girls to death. You
are a bad boy to scare Lima and Fran.
ces and | am not going to associate
| with you;'' and this champion of the
fair sex stalked with dignity across
the yard to the gate.
81 m mo- more scared n nothing
and indignant Frances hurled at his
back. "You re just scared yourself"
Jimmy giggled happily. What d
tell you ALL" he cried, gleefully. "Lina
and Frances got to all time set little
'fraid cats tween EN-" he snorted
1T 8 Just like l tell you, he s the
sissyest boy they is; and he dom
care who kiss him neither; he'll le'
any woman kiss him what wants to
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
CHAPTER XVIII.
Closer Than q Brother.

OI06Cb tttdttt q SiONttSts EEL
1t was a bad, rainy day. Jimmy and
Billy were playing in Sarah James
cabin, she, however, being in happy
ignorance Of the fact. Her large
stays, worn to the preaching the night
before, were hanging on the back Of a
chair.
"Ain't I glad I don't have to wear
no corset when I puts on long pants"
remarked Billy, pointing to the article.
saint that a big one? It's twice 3
Dig 8 Aunt Minerals"
my mamma wears a big co'set.
too" said Jimmy; Il like fat wom-
ans mother sight better n lean ones.
Miss Minerva's bout the skinniest
woman they is; when l get married
I'm going to pick me out the latest
wife I can find, SO when you set
in her lap at night for her to rock you
to sleep you'll have a soft place to put
your head, while she sings to you"
The major-he's mos plump
enough for two" said Billy, taking
down the stays and trying to hook
them around him.
1T sho' Is big" he said; Il berlieve
its big 'nough to go round both Of
u.s."
Les see Il t amt" was the other
boys ready suggestion.
He stood behind Billy and they put
che stays around both little bodies.
while, with much squeezing and gig
Cling, Billy hooked them safely up
the front The boys got in front Of
Sarah James one looking-glass and
danced about laughing with glee.
Were like the twinses what was
growed together like mamma read me
bout" declared the younger child.
Presently they began to feel I'm.
comfortable, especially Jimmy, whose
fat, round little middle was tightly
compressed.
Here, unhooR this thing. Billy, and
les take her Of" he said. I'm
rbout 70 pop open"
"b11 right" agreed his companion
NE tugged and pulled. but could get
9niy the top and bottom hooks un-
clasped; the middle ones refused to
bulge.
II can't get these-here hooks tc
come loose" Billy said.
Jimmy put his short, fat arms
around him and tried his hand, but
with no better success. the stays
were such a snug fit that the hooks
seemed glued.
I'VE sho' Is "a a fix" said Billy
gioomily; Took like God all time let
Vim US git IL trouble"
~fou think Of more fool stunts to
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

Can't no woman at all 'cepting my
mama and Miss Cecilia kiss me. But
Leon Is bout the k~issingest kid they
Is; why, he'd just IS soon s not let
Frances and Lima kiss him; he amt
got no better ense. Course l gotta
let Miss Cecilia kiss me cause she's
bout the plumpest Sunday school
teacher they is and the Bible say If
your Sunday school teacher kiss you
on n cheek turn the other cheek and
let her kiss you on that, too.' and l
all time bound to do what the Bible
say. You d better call him back,
Frances, and kiss him. you and Lima
re SO stuck on him."
Il would MT kiss him to save his
life" declared Frances; che 8 got the
~spindliest legs ! ever saw"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

Mayor Turnbull, Of Canton. was
talking about a statement, made all
unconsciously by a Titanic officer, that
had been a terrible black eye for the
Titanic administration.
"This statement" he said, reminds
me of a little Canton boy.
Tommy, why are you so unkind
to your nurse? Why don't you love
her? his mother once asked him.
because l don't, the infant terri
BILE replied. I just hate her! | could
pinch her cheeks like papa does!'"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
OUTDOOR LIFE.
viii Not Offset the III Effects Of
Coffee and Tea When One Cannot
Digest Them.
A farmer says:

"A IdtLuCI says.
For ten years or more I suffered
from dyspepsia and stomach trouble,
caused by the use Of coffee (Tea con
tains caffeine, the same drug found
In coffee), until I got SO bad l had to
give up coffee entirely and almost give
up eating, There were times when l
could eat only boiled milk and bread:
and when I went to the field to work
I had to take some bread and butter
along to give me strength.
u 'doctored steady and took almost
everything I could get for my stomach
in the way of medicine, but II | got
any better it only lasted a little while.
I was almost a walking skeleton.
zone day I read an ad for Postum
and told my wife I would try 1t, and as
to the following facts / will make afi-
davit before any Judge:
II quit coffee entirely and used Pos
tum in its place. have regained my
health entirely and can eat anything
that Is cooked to eat. / have increased
In weight until now I weigh more than
/ ever did. I have not taken any medi-
cine for my stomach since / began
using Postum.
my family would stick to coffee ut
first, but they saw the effects II had
on me and when they were feeling
bad they began to use Postum. one at
q time, until nov we all use Postum
Name given BY Postum Co.. Battle
Creek, Mich.
Ten days trial OF Postum In place
Of coffee proves the truth. an easy and
pleasant way.
Read the little book. @The Road TO
Wellyille.' Ia pkgs. There's : rsa-
SON.
Evsv xena mo ekays iaAssrs a nsvss
eu~ psn from eznne 20 gtma. They
.vs gerntns, trns- sac fuii q AszanD
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
Il He Could.

A northern visitor in the south tells
the following story to illustrate the
taciturnity of the southern negro.
He had asked Steve, a typical darby
of the region. numerous questions con-
corning a certain plantation, and to
each the negro gave the invariable re-
ply of "Yahs, sah."
Steve" asked the somewhat exas-
perated northerner, don't you say
anything but 'Yahs, sah?' Can't You
say No, sir?'*
The negro blinked his yes INDECENT
ly, for a moment and replied, "Yahs,
sah".-Judge.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

something Of a surprise, Therefore, to
find that the London air In the city
area deposits only about ten grains Of
dust and SCOT per square yard per day.
Two ordinary hse5grain gelatin cap
sules would thus contain the entire Do.
post Uf b full twentyfolr hours over
& surface Of nine scparD feet.
These figures were obtained recent
" By tho London Lancet. Four 90
called gauges ware set up In different
parts Of London. Each gauge present.
ed q surface Of four square feet to tho
air, and tho deposit upon this surface
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

III antique 'lots.. The most valuable
piece was a breastplate Of pure beaten
gold, shaped az a dried hide and en-
bossed with a warriors head. weigh
ing 8 o.. which went for $500. Al fiat
snake OF gold. with the head welded
on, weighing 1oz-12dwt, fell at $125.
and a figure Of a Chibcha goddess In
fine gold, Weighing 1oz i4dwt, reached
$105. Two gold drinking bowls,
weighing soz. brought 500. From
other properties two Egyptian gold
bracelets and an earring from the
mummy Of Queen Hatshepsu were tak-
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

was at stated intervals carefully gath
cred up and weighed. The gauge In
the "city" area. Of course, gave the
largest record. The Lancet calculated
that at the deposit rate In this region
there would fall every year upon the
entire III square miles Of surface In
London about 7s.050 tons OF aerial
dirt. The gauges near Westminster
showed a rate Of deposit that would
amount to $500 tons per year. and
that near the edge Of the metropol}
tan ! very much less.
There were but four gauges. % no
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

en- by Mr.. Kennedy for $40 and q
damaged antique marble bust Of Sem
Goa went to the same buyer at 500.
The Chlbcha ornaments wsrs origin.
ally offerings made to the divinities
Of the lakes at the annual religious
ceremonies. M
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
One or the Other.

A very plain, although somewhat ia
nous woman, al travelling the state
of Florida, lecturing on woman's suf-
frage. She addressed the school chill
dren of a little town one afternoon,
and prefaced her lecture with the fol-
lowing:
81 am a native of Baltimore, the
city made famous by its oysters and
beautiful women amfI
A small boy said to another, in a
stage whisper:
IF that's true, she must be an oy-
ster."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

Tests show That Great Metropolis ie
by No Means the plrtieat Place
"A on the Earth.

London, England. das the reputation
OF being a very soo.y place. The air
Of Pittsburg is probably dirtier. and
perhaps also that CT a few other man
h~factnrirE citiss, but I0ndon's at
mosphere Il certainly well up M the
list OF richly n~ineralized airas II -
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
indian ma EuyptIan Treaaurea.

The Indian gold ornaments and pot
terry recovered from Lake Guatayita,
one of the Ave sacred lakes OF the
Chibcha Kingdom, in the Colombian
Andes. South America, have been sold,
and . total OF s2.54B vas obtained for
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
When Your Ewes Need Care

Try Murine Eye Remedy. No Smarting-Feels
Fine-Acts Quickly. Try 1t for Red, Weak,
Watery Eyes and Granulated Eyelids. Illus
trated Book in each Package. Murine 10
compounded by our Oculists moi a sPatent Med
icine"-but used in successful. Physicians' Prac-
tce for many years. Now dedicated TO the Pub
lie and sold BY Druggists at 2c and Soc por Bottle.
Murine Eye SalVe in Aseptic Tubes, 2c and Soc
Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
Her Foresight.

at is really by little things that one
can tell a mans character"
Yes; / think that was the reason
Julia broke her engagement. Henry
used to bring her such cheap choco-
lates."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
Color Contrasts.

She (tartly)-Don't congratulate
yourself that everything is going TO
be lovely when you reform.
Be (startled)-Why not!
She-Baeause rosy futures CANT -
with purpas pazra.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

Cholly Gayburd-Do you believe the
story of Jonah and the whale?
Grace Saintly-Why, Of course | do.
I believe every word of 1t.
Cholly Gayburd enthusiastically
Dear Miss Sanity, will you be my
wife? ~
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
A Coordination,

A Combination.
"Queer, isn't itY" said the hairdress-
er to her customer.
What's Queer7" asked tho latter.
~rhat your headwork should be my
handiwozk.~
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

Mrs. Wfnslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the sans, reduces inhammA-
ton, allays pain. cures wind collie, Csc a bottle.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

is there a powder trust?"
81 don't know, but If there is,
somebody should go cunning for it."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

comet. r an gotta go right to y ais
mamas an Miss Minerva dis very min
ute. I low dey II settle yo' hashes-
Don't y all know dat Larroes kstch
meddIeras"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

LEWIS Single Binder straight Sc cigar.
You pay Toe for cigars not SO good.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20
The Proper Course.

For regulation Of the stomach and bowels
You will find Garfield Tea very beneficial.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

It's tough when loves young dream
dies of old age.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

Garfield Tea promotes aud ensures health.
Try IL to be convinced. Druggists keep it.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

Woman ~conceals only what she does
not know-Proverb.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

The love Of applause is responsible
for many hear actors.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-20

Most homely women are clever
probably because they have to be.