Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1912-04-20
Doing Good


have been suffering from shooting
pains in my right Side, where my
heart is. and all my ORGANS seem out
OF whack in one way Of another, 80
thought I'd ask you to examine me
and tell me what's wrong and give
me prescription
'1n be glad to examine you and
prescribe, Major standoff," replied the
doctor, when you have settled that
old account Of yours, which has been
running for three years. At the last
meeting Of our county medical asso-
citation we passed drastic resolutions
forbidding members to have dealings
with certain people, who are notori-
ously bad pay, land your name was the
fret mentioned In this connection"
well, great guns!" cried the major.
THAT should hav6 to be insulted by q
lanternjawed sawbo1les right here In
this town, which owes its very exist
cnce to my heroism and self-sacriflce
in the times that tried mems souls!
This surely must be an evil dream
from which 1 shalt presently wake!
It doesn't stand to reason that any
man, much less a one horse doctor.
would dare to Hafid such an insult to
the pioneer who made the wilderness
blossom as the rose!
"Why. SIR, have been the best
friend you ever had since you hung
out your single. I have boosted you
In season and out Of season. ! took
an interest In. you from the flrst. and
whenever a friend Of mine fell sick l
would say to him: Call on Doctor
Condiment! He ID the most dlvinely
gifted physician IN these parts
when old John Bonehead fell sick
he was going to send for one Of the
old established doctors. but I labored
with him and exhausted all my elo'
quence to get him to send for you.
Now. ask you. as man to man. did
he send for you on my recommends
ton or did he not?"
"He certainly did, and I've always
felt that 1t was low trick on your
part. Here was d stranger in a
strange land. young physician try
ing to establish practice, and Yea
uuloaded that old deadbeat on me and
nearly broke me up In business! treat
cd him for six months and as soon as
he was able to move he jumped the
town and I haven't had cent from
hir, to this day"
That's your idea Of gratitude. sir
is IT, When go forth to the hedges
and highways to find patients for you
you think, should be responsible for
the bills they run up! / suppose yor
have forgotten who called you Ut
when old Mrs. Toplofty fell sick
Just as soon as heard of her Illness
nearly foundered myself rushing tt
telephone to notify you, knowing
that you needed patients. I suppose
you have forgotten that kindness"
"No. have not forgotten. major.
and IL 1t hadn't been for Your gray
hairs I'd have shown my appreciation
with a wet elm club. was just get.
ting footing in some Of the wealthy
homes Of the town then. There was
mild epidemic Of measles. and I was
quite busy and the outlook was en-.
couraging. Then you sent me your
confounded telephone message. and
rushed down to see Mrs. Toplofty. and
found that she had the smallpox!
When my wealthy patrons learned
that T Wss treating a snaliDox pattent
they closed their doors to me- That
experience set me back two years
and now you have the nerve to come
here reminding me OF IT."
well. of all the shameless ingrati,
tude that ever defaced the annals Of
our glorious country this Is the worst!
This is the reward a mar, gets for
helping the poor and needy. for strain
ing his hind legs rustling around try
ing to do good! A man may shed
blood and sever bis heart-strings try
ing to aid struggling young men. and
after years they turn and rend him!
well. you can go to thunder with
your medical association. don't
suppose you could tell an attack Of
CHAMBERS from a lunar eclipse. any
how. and so your diagnosis wouldn't
be worth cent. II had sick COW
I wouldn't let you prescribe for her.
The undertaken was telling me only
Yesterday that he'll have to buy an
extra hearse If you stay here. SO !