davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1912-03-31
CONFESSIONS OF \ HUMORIST.
CBy Chester Porter Bissell.)

A humorist is not to be taken SER
iously although It Is a serious matter
TO write humor-in other words it is a
grave matter TO be funny. Great con-
sideration must be taken not to spring
too much stuff at one time as the dear
public cannot stand for It. Editors have
warned us not to use funny things
thought of in this century; but 10 re-
vamp stuff from the old masters.
1t is well before turning loose a
budget Of humor to place the manu-
script before n Jury, composed of per-
sons who have never been known to
smile. In going over the matter to
jury will eliminate anything original
or funny before IL is inflicted on the
readers. For this reason many per-
sons reading humorous stuff fail to see
the funny part. Little do they dream
this article was exceedingly funny be-
fore its terrible grind through the anti
smile conmlgsion Therefore, when
one reads a Piece of humor written by
some well known author and swears
at its platitudes he should bear in
mind the Joke has been there and
should laugh the hardor-guessing at
what the Joke vas.
Wren a humorist gets an article off
on an editor II is considered o Joke,
but the Joke Is reversed when the ar
ticle appears with its appendix cut out.
Editors have warned humorists not
to be original 90 they would come 70
some bad end. One humorls.. know.
ignored these Instructions from the
kind editor. insisted on having funny
spells. as a result he had an attack cf
the humoritis-- which always proves
fatal to the hunorist's exchequer.
Humorists should gather their chest
nuts and hold them in stock until they
smell musty-they can then be sold to
the daily papers. Ches'nuts are like
mothe er in laws. the older they are the
more valuable they become as ioke.
Now Is the time of-'he year for hu.
moris's 10 get out their almanac Jokes
that have been In pickle the last de-
cade. Sort them over. throwing out
the fnotb-ha'i and hair flowers which
mother held 60 dear. and get in,fouch
with Hostetter's and other almanacs
In these slmane Jokes care should be
taken not TO hsve any points some
nigh. get stuck on them; Therefore
Gull thoroughly.
Canned jokes do well in this coun-
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1912-03-31
DON'T PULL OUT
. The CRAY HAIRS
\ FEW APPLICATIONS OF \ SIM
PIE REMEDY WILL BRING
BACK THE NATURAL
COLOR.

Pull out one gray hair and a dog
en- will take its place" is an old say
ing, which is, to a great extent, true,
if no steps are taken to stop the
cause. When gray hairs appear it is
sign that Nature needs assistance.
1t is Natures call for help. Gray hair,
dull, lifeless ha'r, or hair that is fall
ing out, is not necessarily a sign Of
advancing age, for there are -thous-
ands of elderly people with perfect
heads Of hair without a single streak
OF gray.
When gray hairs come, or when
the hair seems to be lifeless or dead,
some good. reliable hair restoring
treatment should he re orted to at
once. Specialists say that one of the
best preparations to use is the old
fashioned sage tea" which our
grandparents used. The best prepar,
alton of this kind is Wyeth's Sage
and Sulphur Hair Remedy, prepara-
tion of domestic sage and sulphur,
scientifically compounded with later
discovered hair tonics, and stimulants,
the whole mixture being carefully
balanced and tested by experts,
Wyeth's Sage and sulphur is clean
and wholesome and perfectly harm
less. 1t refreshes dry. parched hair,
removes dandruff and gradually re-
stores faded or gray hair to its natu-
raj color.
Don't delay another minute. Start
using Wyeth's Sage and Sulphur at
once and sc what a difference a few
days treatment will make in your
hair.
This preparation is offered to the
public at fifty cents bottle, and Is
recommended and sold by all drug
gists. Special Agent shackle Drug
Company
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1912-03-31
INDEPENDENT ticket
FOR School BOARD
now THOSE WHO WISH TO KEEP
POLITICS OUT or SCHOOLS
MAY DO so TUESDAY.

From the following list every vot-
er can pick out the two school board
members and school treasurer he can
vote for in his own ward:
Independent Cltlzons' school ticket
First ward, including all people liy-
ing east Of Main street and north OF
Second street.
For school treasurer: c, a. Sander
SON
For school directors; w o. Dickor-
SON. e, Y. Tucker
| Second ward, including all people
living west of Main street, and north
of Second street
For school treasurer; c. A. Sander
son.
For school di.actors; Charles T.
Reuter- W. f. Stahl.
Third ward, including all people liv-
ing west of Main street and south OF
Second street
For school treasurer: c. A. Sander
son.
For school directors: M. ]. Delaney,
II, o. Mcclure.
Fourth ward, including all people
living east of Main street and south
, of Second street
For school treasurer: C. A, Sander
son.
For school directors: A. A. Bumgar-
ner, Ray S. Fellows
Every man voting in the election
next Tuesday is entitled to vote for
members of the school board, ana
every woman i'm the city who is regis
tered also has the right to vote in the
school election. Those living in the
school district outside the city limits
may vote without registration. The
school board ticket is separate from
the ticket containing the candidate for
city offices
If school board ticket is not hand
ed you by the precinct election Of
ficers then ask for one, and be sure
the stamp provided in each booth is
used in stamping for your candidates.
The law provides that this stencil he
used in place of pencils or pens that
the voters may have with them. The
candidates on the independent citi-
Zens' ticket will appear on the fourth
column. In the first column will ap-
pear one name under the Democratic
emblem, in the second column will ap-
pear one name under republican en-
blem, in the third column will appear
the two socialist candidates, and in the
fourth column the names of the nom
partisan candidates. At the foot OF
each column will be found the candi-
date for school treasurer. The nom
partisan ticket also has a candidate
for this position, who likewise was
nominated in the same manner and at
the same time as the school directors.
TO vote for all the bipartisan can
didates put the cross in the square at
the head of the column and this Will
count for the two board members and
the school treasurer; or the voter may
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1912-03-31
SCRIPTURE,

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Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1912-03-31
......s..l.0N..N.os....-.. ,.
Gcnesls 2.Is-2i.

And the Lord God said, II is not
good that the man should be alone;
] will make him an help meet for him.
And out Of the ground the Lord
God formed every beast of the field,
and every fowl Of the air: and
brought them unto Adam to see what
he would call them; and whatsoever
Adam called every living thing that
was the name thereof.
And Adam gave names to all cattle,
and to the fowl Of the air, and to
every beast Of the field; but for Adam
there was not found an help meet for
him.
And the Lord God caused a deep
sleep TO fan upon Adam, and he slept;
and he took one of his ribs, and closed
up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib, which the Lord God
had taken from man. made he wo-
man, and brought her unto man.
And Adam said, This is now bone Of
my bones and flesh of my flesh; she
shall be called Woman, because she
was taken out Of Man.
Therefore shall man leave his
father and his mother, and shall cleave
unto his wife; and they shall he one
flesh.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1912-03-31

try II put up In an uncanny atmos-
phore, These Jokes after being canned
a few years are appreciated among the
English
! was born a humorlst-that Is my
parents always treated the matter Of
my birth as a Joke; but after / atrtod
TO write they took II seriously The
more ] wrote the more they claimed it
was no laughing matter, This looked
funny 10 me.
The public-at-large do not undor-
stand the humorlst IN his natural
state; they seem 90 think humorst
IS constantly buhblng over with fun
ON the inside but after careful in
Observation-Disclosures myself !
find the humorist is void OF any con-
scious tickle. II ! were very funny
! was never aware OF it--a humorist
Is generally married.
Some would class the humorlst with
the poet hut It is only out of envy and
spite. this adds insult 20 injury
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1912-03-31

Perhaps one reason why Bryan IS
advocating the recall is that he feels
so absolutely sure 1t cannot work
against hm-Joplin News-Herald.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1912-03-31

stamp the cross in the square in front
of each of the three names in which
case this also will be a vote for all
three on the ticket.
After the ballot is voted before leav-
Ing the booth, it should be folded so
that nobody can see the inside, and
handed to the election board a mem
ber of which will drop it in the bal
lot box.
In presenting himself at the precinct
to vote, a voter simply announces his
clerk writes the name and street ad-
dress of the voter on the ballot stub
after which he will hand the ballot
to the voter, who goes in one Of the
private booths alone, and stamps the
ballot as he desires. Every voter
should take with him his registration
certificate so that in case of" his vote
being challenged, his certificate will
prove his right to vote.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1912-03-31
MILA TUPPER MAYNARD.

What is said to be the most eloquent
lecture OF the national socialist lyceum
bureau course being given here will
be here today when Mia Tupper May
nard speaks at the Grand theater at
o'clock p. m. At $3.50 o'clock an inter-
esting prologue will be given In the
shape of a reading by Miss Irene
Yeager, Tulsas well known elocution-
ist. Her subject will be The Cow
Path" The socialist lectures spring
have been largely attended by both
men and women and In each instance
the auditorium has been to small to
accommodate the crowds therefore
those who desire to hear Mrs. Mayl
nard should come early this afternoon.
The subject will be The Trust Bust
ers."
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
WASHINGTON.

Notice has been given in the Senate
that the minority would insist upon an
early consideration of the Lorimer
case.
Senator Crawford of South Dakota
advocates a constitutional amendment
to fix the terms of Judges of Inferior
federal courts at ten years.
By vote of ia to 1876, the house
reaffirmed its decision that no toll
should be chraged American vessels
engaged in coastwise trade for passage
through the Panama canal.
J. Bruce Ismay and the captain of
the Titanic will be held responsible
for the loss of the ship and its ill
fated passengers in the report to the
Senate investigating committee.
The United States transport Prairie
has sailed with a regiment of marines
for Guantanamo. Cuba. The Prairie
took about 100000 rounds of small
arm ammunition, three three-inch
steel field pieces and six automatic
guns, as well as coal. tents and pro-
visions for the marines. The sending
OF marines to Cuba follows reports re-
ceived at the State Department OF
danger to Americans in the present
negro instruction.
Representative Sulzer. Democrat,
New York, introduced a bill providing
for the organization of an Alaska com
mission for the railroad and mineral
development of Alaska, utilizing the
equipment now being used on the Pan
anna canal.
A historic old tree, estimated to be
more than 500 years old. famous also
because it was used during the Civil
War as signal station and by Con.
federate sharpshooters when General
Early in 1864 made his attack upon
the national capital. has been cut
down
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
STORMS TO PREDICT SELVES
Wireless Stations to Be Used to Make
Tempests Send Their Own
Warning Ahead.

Storm centers move usually in an
easterly or northeasterly direction.
Hence the prediction of storms on the
Atlantic coast is possible. since most
of them come from the Mississippi
valley. Some come up the coast from
the Caribbean sea, but even in this
case We have no warning.
But western Europe is less fortu-
nate. Its tempests come from the At
lantic, and with little warning. Euro
pean weather men have made as much
as possible a study of the paths of
American storms across the Atlantic
and are sometimes accurate in pre-
dieting the time of their arrival; the
same has been done with storms COM
ing up from the South Atlantic.
But 1t often happens that storms
vary either their route or the rate Of
movement, SO that predicting cyclones
on the coast of western Europe is
more or less guesswork.
As possible help in this respect
Director Andre of the Lyons observa-
tory is making a deep study of the
galvanometer records of various wire
less telegraph stations.
He has found that the antennae are
sensitive to any stray electric currents
as well as to messages, and he hopes
to discover way to make the storms
telegraph their own warning ahead of
their arrival
Every storm is accompanied by elee-
trical disturbances, and already NJ.
Andre has accumulated mass of evi.
| deQce to show that each storm in thfa
way gives warning. Just how to read
this evidence is the problem to which
he is devoting himself.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
CAUGHT FROM THE NETWORK OF
WIRES ROUND ABOUT
THE WORLD.
DURING THE PAST week
RECORD OF IMPORTANT EVENTS
CONDENSED FOR BUSY
PEOPLE.
Western Newspaper Union News Service,
WESTERN.

Abe Ruef's long expected expose of
graft in San Francisco has been be-
gun in a San Francisco daily newspa-
per.
The third annual convention of the
Inter-Mountain Good Roads Associa-
ton meets at Logan, Utah, June IL
to IA.
Robbers entered the Bank of Car
ney. Okla. and escaped with booty
ing the safe.
Reports received from the middle
western states indicate that fully fifty
per cent of the wheat crop has al
ready been abandoned.
Five students were burned to death
when fire destroyed the main build
ingof the Creek and Seminole Indian
college at Boley, Okla.
The United States gunboat York
town. one of the vessels of Dewey's
fleet which captured Manila. has been
placed out OF commission.
An invasion of millions of grasshop-
pers on the desert in the vicinity of
Barstow, Cali, is causing delay to
trains and threatens serious damage
to ranches along the Mojave river.
DETECTED by large sandbar recent
ly formed. the Colorado river. which
is at flood stage from the melting noun
tain SHOWS. threatens the destruction
OF part of the town of Needles. Calf
The 3.O00-foot concrete wall built by
the Santa Fe railroad a year ago to
protect the town from the river. is
crumbling.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
FOREIGN.

London is facing a famine as re
suit of the strike of 10000 dockmen.
The British gunboat Aigerine has
reached Mazatlan. Mexico, prepare
tory to cruise along the west coast
of Mexico TO pick up refugees.
Details of the massacre of nearly
200 miners. mostly Chinese. by Rus
sian troops at Bedaibe. Siberia, last
month, have been received by steam
ship from the Orient.
Americans in Cuba are anxiously
awaiting the arrival of the marines on
the United States> naval transport
Prairie to awe the Cuban rebels. who
are openly threatening the Yankees"
Gen. Orozco's rebels, driven out of
Rellano by Gen. Huerta after a des-
perate battle, are still retreating
northward. The federals report they
found 500 rebels, dead and wounded, on
the field.
Beaten from every position by the
blasting artillery fire of the federais
under General Huerta, the rebels were
driven out of Rellano, Mexico. after
twenty-five hours of fighting. with a
loss of 500 dead.
Parties of armed negroes headed by
Gen. Estanz are operating near FL
Caney. Ell Cabre and San Luis, Cuba
and also at points near Santiago. They
have seized many horses and a quaint
ty of explosives.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
GENERAL.

Corporate earnings of the United
States decreased sl75.50O.O00 in 1911.
Seed corn is selling at $3.50 to $3.50
per bushel in Wisconsin and is scarce
at that.
Top steers in the Chicago stock
yards market are selling up to 1910
hundredweight.
The business section of Lebanon.
KY. was practically wiped out by fire.
The loss is s25O,oOO.
With the Mississippi river and rib
utaries steadily falling danger from
the flood Is believed to be past
Mrs. Marie Josephine Banks of Chi.
c;go has announced her Intention of
walking TO Denver for the benefit of
her health.
Alarming rumors are in circulation
in Havana regarding the intention OF
the negroes to rise in arms against the
government.
OF the 9GS delegates to the National
Republican convention selected to
date. President Taft has 452 and
Roosevelt 3G7.
The third trial of DR.. B. Clark
Hyde. for the murder of Col. Thos. II.
Swope. in Kansas City, has been post
poned until October.
Warren S. Stone of Cleveland, grand
chief of the brotherhood of Locomo-
tive Engineers since 1903 has been re-
elected for six years.
The late lsador Straus, who lost his
life in the Titanic disaster. left $1,000
in his will for the National Jewish Hos
pital for Consumptives at Denver.
| Henry Spruck Won Armenthal. mem
her of the German nobility, and large
land owner in Oregon, Washington and
Idaho. shot and killed himself in bis
room in Chicago
The General Assembly of the Pres
byterian church. in Louisville. Ky, in
dorsed congressional Legislation to pro-
hibit interstate shipments of LIQUOR
into prohibition states or districts.
Clarence V. T. Richeson was cleo.
trocuted at 12:17 Eastern time Tues.
day morning in Boston. The current
was turned on at 12:1O:O2 and the
prisoner was declared dead at 12:17.
Officers of the Illinois Life Insur.
ance Company have announced they
would pay Immediately a policy of 81
900 on the life of Clarence Virgil
Thompson Richeson, electrocuted in
Boston recently.
America has another aeroplane pilo.
in Mrs. Julia Clark of Denver. the
first woman to take complete course
|
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
SPORT.
WESTERN LEAGUE STANDING.

The Wichita Western League base.
ball club has purchased TEX" Wester.
zil. third baseman, from Indianapolis
in the American Association.
A ten-round fight between Ad VOL.
CAST. champion lightweight and
Packey Mcfarland, is a prospect of
the near future.
Jimmy Walsh of Boston fought
Johnny Kilbane of Cleveland, worlds
featherweight C h a IN p ion, twelve
rounds to draw in the Boston arena.
In boxing match scheduled to go
ten rounds at Clovis, n. NJ, Frank
Piper, an American. was knocked out
in the first round by George Kogo. a
Japanese.
The French dirigible balloon Gle.
ment-Bayard Ill. beat the worlds dir
igible record for altitude at Paris, re-
Gently. Carrying six passengers the
vessel assembled to a height of 9,514
feet.
The first important boxing contest
in Mexico since the Fitzsimmons.
Maher bout in 1896 was staged in the
Ciudad Juarez bull ring. The contest
between Kid Mitchell, the Ell Paso
middleweight. and Jack Herrick, the
Chicago middleweight. for twenty
rounds, went the full twenty rounds to
a draw
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
POLITICAL.

Congressman Randell and Broussard
of Louisiana were elected by the State
Legislature to the United States Sen
ate.
Senator w. Murray Crane of Massa-
chusetts has announced that he would
not be candidate for reelection be-
fore the primaries in his state next
autumn.
Out of the 1,026 Republican dele
gates thus tar named. President taft
has total OF 454 and Colonel Roose-
welt has 41S. get ing 3s as the result
of Ohio's primary.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
uncompahsre River over Banks

Montrose.-Ther Uncompahgre river
and its tributaries are running at flood
tide owing to melting SHOWS in the
mountains. In many places the stream
is flooding its banks and houses near it
are almost surrounded by water.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31

La Junta.-With the entire town as
witness, La Junta buried the ham
mer" and henceforth there will be
boosting in the place of knocking, say
the city officials, Industrial Club and
citizens generally.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
Farmers Hold Potatoes; Lose Money

Kersey.-That the farmers in this
district have lost $4,000 through hold
ing potatoes for higher price. until
the bottom dropped out of the market.
was the statement made by Bruce j..
Eaton. one of the heaviest landholders
in Weld county.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
State Board Sells Land.

Wiggins.-The largest recent indi-
yidual sale of land made by the State
Land Board was closed when that
body received from the Nile Irrigation
Company OF Virgins. check for s19.-
$40. The land purchased consists OF
1000 acres near Virgins. Three res
ervoirs will be constructed on the land
by the irrigation company.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
LoveIand Chamber Begins campais'

Loveland.-The Chamber of Com
merce has begun campaign to raise
the membership to more than 500. ii
possible. The chamber has done good
work for this part of the state dur
ing the last year, and will work harder
during the year to come.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
-Four New Schools for Mesa.

Grand Junction.-Over $4,000 is be-
ing spent by four school districts of
this county for new buildings. Fruita
will have $4,000 grammer school.
while Clifton. Appleton and Fruitvale.
all rural districts, will average $4,000
each for new structures.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
Beet Fields Advanced.

Greeley.-Beet thinning begins in
the Greeley district this week. many
of the fields planted early in April
being well advanced. Fields in the vi
cinity of Severance, La Sale and Gree
ley will be worked and by May 25,
1000 beet laborers will be in the
fields
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
Celebrates Eishty.seeond Birthday

Denver.-Henry Moore Teller, five
lines senator of the United States
rom the state of Colorado. once sec
retary of the interior, in the cabinet
of President Chester a. Arthur, with
the longest public record of any man
in the country now living, celebrated
his eighty-second birthday recently al
his home IN Denver.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
Riding Club After Fair Property.

Canon City.-A committee represent
ing the Fremont County Riding and
Driving Club is endeavoring to raise.
by public subscription. sufficient
money to enable it to take over the
the property of the Fremont County
Fair Association.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
eia crop for Mon,rose county

Montrose.-All chance of frost dam
aging the fruits having passed. care
n estimate of the production of Mont
sose county at this time by expert
enced citizens is that the total produc-
tons will reach approximately 10000
carloads. This will exceed last years
productions by nearly 40 per cent.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
$4,000 for Beet Topper.

Denver.-The Great Western Sugar
Company of Denver offers an oppor-
tunity to some ambitious inventor to
arm $4,000. The sugar company is
lnxious to solve the problem of tcei
digging and topping and as a reward
o the person designing a successful
ievice will pay the above sum.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
First Woman Probate judge.

Wichita, Kan.-To be the first wom-
an probate Judge in America, to have
served two successful terms and to be
a candidate for reelection without OPP
position is the distinction of Mrs.
Mary II. Cooper of Beloit.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
Orozco Makes Last Stand.

Ell Paso.-The war scene in Mexico
has shifted TO the city of chihuahua,
where orozco is concentrating all the
rebel forces in northern Mexico for a
final stand against General Vlctoriano
Huerta's federal forces. All the coun-
try south of Chihuahua is being
abandoned.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31

Boulder.-The civil engineering de-
partment of the State university has
completed a series of tests of colora-
dos building and ornamental stones.
Out OF forty-six quarries producing or
containing stone for building purposes.
samples from thirty-four. of the larg-
est ones have been tested.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-05-31
Roads Install Air Brakes.

Colorado Springs.-A new air brake
equipment has been installed on all
freight engines of the allied Cripple
Greek lines at a cost OF $4,000. The
Improvement will double the hauling
.apacIty of the engines.