davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

which will prevent us from becoming Dull.
 That we may not be Pedantic, Arbi- trary, or Self Conscious. That we may bear in mind that if there could be one condition worse than World of Eternal Tears 1t would be d World of Everlasting Smiles. Grant us, therefore, some Sane and Lu- cid Intervals.
 Keep us from that Literary Cowardtce that Is sometimes Spoken of as Whole some Simpl ity.
 From Cheap Slang From Commonplace Themes, From Parodies on Omar,
 Deliver Us. kate Masterson in May Lippincotts.
 TAX ON CREDULITY. Although would no cynic be, I always look with doubtful. eye Upon the man who says that he Has never told his wife lie.
 POULTRY. I like the sprightly robin; He's a pleasant bird to see, But the esculent spring chicken Will look plenty good to me. Detroit News. Men like the little chicken Who trips upon the stage, She makes the heart beats quicken And seems to be the rage. Birmingham Age-Herald. The chicken of the chorus May be right upon the job. But happy thrill comes OCT us When we look upon a squab.
 Milwaukee Sentinel. But squabs may be grandmothers. You never can tell when. The youngest thing, my brothers, In the chorus is the wren.
 Cincinnati Enquirer. NO RISK. "Jagbitters tells me that he is thinking very seriously of taking up literature as profession
 How will he live?' Tn clover. His wife is going to operate a big boarding house.
 HARD LINES. i. Ye poets life Could not be worse; Nobody wants
 To buy hts verse.
 NOT DEAD YET. Cheer up, cheer up, say we, And stay contented You even now might be The late lamented' PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28
IN HOTEL HOBBIES
Az |. .IIrl,nn Center

"The United States census bulletin is sued few weeks ago, in which the pop ulation of large urban centers as such were set forth has naturally attracted wide attention, said a member of the Chamber of Commerce. Every few days I ind Birminghams urban center pop ulation-211, ,9G6 given in some northern publication These figures are from cen- sus returns made in 1910.
 While the city of Atlanta was credited with about 22,000 more inhabitants than Birmingham, tile Georgia capitals ur- ban center population is nearly 40Oo less than Birmingham's l read the Atlanta papers, but I have seen no mention of this interesting fact. Birmingham has grown rapidly since the census was taken just two years ago. It's population today is about 10000 and it's urban center population is close on to 2509o"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28
AccumuInting Capital

Not only has Birmingham grown rapidly in population, but 1t has ac- cumulated capital steadily since I came here to live 15 years ago. said a suc- cessful citizen.
 trial centers, had suffered by the pa- riod of depression which began in i S93. Most of the prominent citizens had been either broke or seriously crippled financially There were prob ably not score of solvent men hero 10 years ago There were certainly not a half dozen who were worth as much as s25o,000 piece. Today Birmingham
 is known as rich city Many large enterprises have been financed here within the past 12 months that could not have been financed three years ago or even two years ago.
 "In this age of multi-millionaires mere wealth attracts little public att tention. Twenty-five years ago a man worth $1,o0o,0o0 was pointed out as q notable being. Now a man worth $40,- 900,o00 or s50,0o0.000 might walk along the streets of any large town and excite To interest whatever. But it is some- thing to the credit of southern in- dustrial city like Birmingham to have accumulated capital by energy and straig ightforward, honest methods in the couse of a few years and for the men of
 wealth to have sufficient public spirit 10 turn loose some of their money for the further upbuilding of the com llnanity."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

A housewives league for the purpose of reducing the cost of living should cut out telephones and also all attemp s to live more expensively than neigh bors do.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

John Hays Hammond is going to England again and If the King desires to block any attempt to again poke Tim in the ribs he should wear vest of armor
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

A PRAYER TO THE SPIRIT OF HUMOR
 Deliver us from those Terrible Crimes Old Jokes, Puns. Perversions of Speech, and Mere Fooishness.
 vouchsafe that we may not fall into the Labored, Hard-As-Nails, Dry-As-Dust forms. Int we may give no limitations. That we may bear in mind that Humor poises above three Dark Morasses; Cruel ty, Bad Taste. and Stiffness. Failing into any of these humor becomes a Vice.
 That we may Studiously avoid making fun of Nation, a Cause, or an 1ndi- vidual that is weak. That we may not Laugh at Cfipples.
 That we may never forget our Climaxes.
 That we may maintain a Playful Spir- 1t, and a Sense of Beauty and Sentiment,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

President Taft reads and discusses his t. peaches with his cabinet before he tries them on the people. He has not forgotten Winona.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Congress will act wisely if it hon. DTS Captain Rostron of the carpathia with an honorary medal He deserves all such honors.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Russia wants a big slice of Persia but it has no desire to gobble Mongolia or Thibet or even Manchuria. In the last named case Japan stands in ths Way
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Mir Taft has his hands full. He has Mexico and the colonel to deal with. and the one is as troublesome as the other.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Congress Is split on the direct cleo ing Congress anyway.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Nearly every man knows now how to run a transatlantic liner, but no anna .eur has thus far secured job.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

visit Paris or Milan. The fact prob ably is that the perfecting of mechanical conirivances in the United States has killed hustle as a diversion for the eyes and ears. The mechanical side of the ex- change was wonderful and delightful"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Thf male mosquito does not bite any one. He gives precedence to the>lady.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Dignity no longer wins the presi- dency. That period of the republic has done gone by.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28
The Mlnneapoll. ssmphony orchestra

'rhe announcement of the coming ap- phony orchestra affords much satisfac- tior to all who have at heart the best interests of the community" said man.
 There is no other music that has thr reach and the hold of that of the sym phony orchestra. There Is no other that has so wide an appeal, that so touches the heart universal and brings such a
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Indians. bandits and mere revolution ists constitute the ruling share of the Mexican people at present.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

A railroad strike is the one thing the country emphatically does not need.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

French poultry grower feeds hts hens wine, with a resulting egg crop that is highly satisfactory.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Mexico's new government is just about as stable as a dirigible balloon
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28
LOOKING FORWARD

know man in our town
 Who hopes some day to make pile Of money, and his wife declares
 That when he does they'll live In style
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

"Women first should be the rule in the street cars as well as on the Hn- CTS
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

His days go on in happy sequence there Nepenthe dulls the soul, forgotten every
 care.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

The Titanic had no field glasses in the crows nest, and the boat crashed into the ice
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28
OSCAR M. UNDERWOOD

May is coming and so Is the slam of fhe screen door.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Shorter words than Initiative and less latny.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

The bitter tears in secret chambers shed, The gloom that shrouds when every hope
 seems dead
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

President Taft puts up rather better fight in Massachusetts than the colonel does
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

The anthracite miners expect to se- cure a substantial increase over former wa ges
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Portugal does not enjoy republican ism nearly so much as she does a bull fight
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Fie, what n spendthrift he Is of his tongue! -Iempes''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28
TELEPHONES

Hell (prIyate exchange connecting all departments), No. 49OO.
 PeopIesi Editorial rooms, 231j busi- ness office, 23O.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28
AT PEACE.

 The lone dweler where the lotus blows And sleep, her purple blooms of slumber strows, Recks never more of all lifes fierce tur- moil, The futile quests, the heartbreak and the toll
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

French poultry grower feeds hts hens wine, with a resulting egg crop that is highly satisfactory.
 
 Indians. bandits and mere revolution ists constitute the ruling share of the Mexican people at present
  Congress is split on the direct cleo ton of senators because t Is do noth- ing Congress anyway. Dignity no longer wins the presi- dency. That period of the republic has done gone by.
 
 The Titanic had no field glasses in the crows nest, and the boat crashed into the ice
 Shorter words than initiative and referendum" are wanted-something less latiny.
 The anthracite miners expect to se- cure a substantial increase over former wages.
 Portugal does not enjoy republican, ism nearly so much as she does bull fight.
 President Taft puts up rather better fight in Massachusetts than the colonel, does "Women first" should be the rule in the street cars as well as on the lin- CTS.
 A railroad strike is the one thing the country emphatically does not need. Mexico's new government is just about as stable as a dirigible balloon May is coming and so Is the slam or ihe screen door.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Entered At the Birmingham, Ala, nostoffiee as second class matter under act of Congress March 3, 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

No communication will be published without it's authors name. Re1eeteu manuscript will not be returned uhiess stamps are enclosed for that purpose
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

2. E. Morgan and ". G. Wharton are the only authorized travelling repfeseh- tatives of The Age Herald ill its elfeu- lation department.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-04-28

Daily and Sunday Age-Herald. d.. se.oo Daily and Sunday, per month";. .a .aV s.'s.i oaiiS ane = i9a,.a,6 200 olIuay 1A51 " :. :. :. = . :.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1912-01-31
A Manufacture,

The Self Master colony at Union
N. j., is mill that gets it's grist from
cutters and levees and grinds from ii
men who are independent and honest
The method of the colony is to take a
man without asking him questions, to
put him on his feet by setting HIM at
some useful task, and by giving him
complete liberty and SO cents a week.
The Self Master colony has room for
30 men at a time, and the accommo-
dations always are crowded. It's strug-
gle is keen one, for the colony aims
to be self-supporting. 1t draws it's
members from seven classes-the man
unable to find immediate employment,
the man in middle life who has lost
his business, the Incorporate young
man trying to control himself the
country boy stranded in the city, the
rich mans son, wayward and estranged
from his family, the man discouraged
through domestic troubles, and the
man run down physically and mentally
and needing outdoor work. These are
the worth-saving, who, if no help is
offered them, drift down through the
strata Of free clearinghouse existence
into the mire of hobodom, criminality
and hopeless neutrality-suspicious. Car
ter in the Worlds Work.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1912-01-31
Profitinu by CareIessness.

You'd scarcely think" said the ad-
vertising man of large Chicago mail
order house, that we get one of our
most profitable bits of publicity from
the carelessness of our customers.
But we do. When a customer sends
in his order and money, but neglects
to sign his name or furnish other
means of identifying who the sender
is, we get in touch with the postmas-
ter in the town from which the order
was received. Giving either the
amount enclosed or a partial abstract
of the order, we request the postmas-
ter to post the information where il
may be seen by the customer. As
we embody in this poster to the Gus
toner a boldface line stating that it
is our policy to treat everybody as
fairly as possible, and that we plan
to file all orders as soon as received,
we succeed in advertising two very
points in way that can
not be controverted. business.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1912-01-31
ALMOST A ROMANCE
TALE OF LORD ARTHUR AND
ANNA M'GONNIGAL.
Handsome Knight Saved Her Life
and Wooed Her, but Suffragetting
and Wonen's Societies Spoiled
the Love Story.

Turning the corner of the Rue d,
i Meringue rather abruptly, Anna
/ horse took fright at a woman's hat
/ He reared up on his hind legs ant
4 plunged violently forward Just a
\ hat instant the saddle girth broke
] and the horse reared and fell back
\ It was a critical moment. Anna was
1 in imminent peril. Just as the rider
/ was about to be crushed under the
| animal there was clatter OF hoofs
and a strong arm encircled Anna. She
ifelt herself drawn into safety. She
f6pened her eyes and there was the
strong masculine face of Lord Arthur
tAthelstan, the handsomest man of
the Oldest family in England.
Being in the arms of Lord Arthur
was much nicer than being crushed
under the cruel and relentless back
of a horse. To be saved by Lord Ar
thur was a social triumph, too. 1t
was better than being presented to
the king or invited to one OF Lady
Jane Nod Noodles affairs. Every.
body would know who Anna McGon.
nigal was now. And when Lord Ar
thus asked if he might call it was
certain that Anna would know every.
body! Everybody!
Lord Arthur was evidently very
haro hit. 1t was certain. The beau
tiiul girl he had held in his arms had
made a great impression on his lordly
heart.
Sir knight Arthur was not a lag
gard in love and was most happy
when he obtained permission to call.
1t was Annals brother who greeted
him. however, when he arrived at
Annals residence, and told him to
make himself thoroughly at home.
"She will be very sorry to miss
YOU" said Annals brother. Il think
she's out suffragetting this after.
noon"
Lord Arthur left his card and
walked sorrowfully away. The next |
day being bright and beautiful, Lord /
Arthur thought he might meet her
riding in the park one Hdu peeu So
sorry to miss him that Lord Arthur
Thought she might not object to a
casual meeting there. But luck was
against him. There was meeting
for the Prevention of Cruelty to
Something or Other that day, and
Lord Arthur rode and rode, and final.
" rode home in the beautiful twi-
light alone.
Then his regiment was ordered to
the Soudan. Lord Arthur made up
his mind to see her before he went
awav and wrote her a pathetic note
of anneaI which Anna answered with
beating heart, telling him to see her
by all means! That she must see
him before he went away to the war!
But the letter got mixed up in the
voJnminous mail of Anna, and Lord
Arthur received only a note accept
ing the presidency of a society for
the promotion of universal peace
Puck.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1912-01-31
,,..rs,es There Somewhere.

az 49, think my husband loves me
spv 80 why not?" ''The other
dsy : Ia m him: 'Jchn, il | should
die wo, nd YOU get married again?' and
bo go IA wouldn't" isn't that all
ripbto., yves. but l wish you could
have hoard the positive way he said
1t"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1912-01-31
nifficuN Alternative.

what l want to see," said the econ.
omist, sis a system which will compel
these big enterprises to get out and
fight each other to a finish"
"In other words, your idea is that
the only way to prevent collision is to
arrange a collision"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1912-01-31

whan given as soon as the croupy
oona,' .oors Chamberlain's Cough
r IN ward off an.attack of Group
and -, all danger and cause of
an1;a,n Tbouands of mothers use it
sueco.s..,,,v Sold by all dealers.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1912-01-31
Sduetched Him.

Mr.. Hoopah-Yous de onliest girl 7
ever loved, Deliai
Miss Cole-You kin set heah an saw
dat till you turns black in de face, but
I amt gwinter b'lieve yo'i"-Puck.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1912-01-31
CURIOUS BITS
OF HISTORY
HOW BOSTON VILLAGE REG
ULATED WAGES.
BY A. w. MACY,

The good people of Boston viii
lase were much dissatisfied with
what they considered the Excess
sive wages demanded by work
men, so the general court de-
cided to make an example of
one Edward Palmer, a carpen.
ter. He had been employed to
erect stocks for the punishment
of offenders. Having completed
the machine, he sent in his bill.
amounting to about $500. AS
he doubtless furnished the tim
Der, and probably put in at least
two days labor, this charge does
not seem to US unreasonable. But
the court decided II was exor-
bltant, fined him five pounds
(about s22.oo), and sentenced
him to spend one hour In the
machine he had made. The pun
ishment seems out of all pro-
portion to the offense, but the
Puritans had a curious way of
looking at these things.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1912-01-31
| hat
Invitation

That's funny" said Mrs. Crockett.
Mrs. Hamilton Hurlburt Dickson re-
quests my presence at bridge Mon
day afternoon and she requests 1t in
the most expensive engraved old Eng
fish, tool"
"Why funny?" inquired Crockett,
temporarily suspending the reading of
the sporting page. did you expect
her to pick the letters in pin or
make a transparency of it?"
Mrs. Crockett turned up her nose at
him. at is funny" she said, because
| have not the slightest idea who Mrs.
Hamilton Hurlburt Dickson is-have
your"
Crockett laid down his paper. Never
heard of her." he said.
"But think, Jimmy" begged Mrs.
Crockett. "Was she on your list when
we sent our announcement cards?"
"She was not" sang Crockett in de-
scending scale. "To the best Of my
knowledge, she isn't the sister or
mother or relative of anybody I know
or ought to know. Why should she in
vite your"
"Well, as to that, why shouldn't
she?" bristled Mrs. Crockett "And
it's to be at the Northedge club, and
I'm dying to see the inside of that
club. It's two weeks off, so it must
be big party"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1912-01-31

That afternoon, as Mrs. Crockett sat
down at her writing desk, her sister
in-law came in. She saw the card
from Mrs. Hamilton Hurlburt Dickson,
and reached out casual hand, when
Mrs. Crockett told its story.
"Oh, that's meant for mel" she said.
Mrs. Dickson is bride, and I'm a
friend of her mothers and her moth.
er is in Europe, and she didn't know
my front name, SO she looked in the
telephone book and when she found a
Crockett on this street she thought the
first one must be l. l wouldn't have
missed that party at the Northedge
club for anything!"
Crockett heard about it that even
Ing. I'm awfully sorry" he sympa-
thized, when you wanted to go so
badly!"
1t was then that his wife exploded.
why, James Crockett" she cried.
CAS- if ever dr-r-eamed of going to
her old party! The idea! I should
say not!"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-04-03
TARMEPS AT EAST
CAPE WORK HARD
TIC SAVE LEVEES

Cape Girauleasl, Mo. Al IL TO-
the gauge Of Cape Girardoau re2ord
ii 342 fec, today. and government
adyioc1 predict a stage Of 81 feet
within forty-eight hours LeVees on
both sides of the river have protect,
I'd this vicinity from damage, but
ore point in the East Cape ltye3
weakened tonight.
Farmers are working frantically
to strengthen the levee with SACK
Of sand, furnished by the railroad
companies. A large force of men
Is also working to save the F"iscc
tracks at Cape Rock, north Of here
Trains between here and Memphis
arc being ope rated over the Cotton
Belt system
A number Of farmers and theil
families were forced to Zee from
their homes north of East Cape, Ill.
today, to seek refuge on the Mis-
SQUIRT side.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-04-03
Jackson, D mules and 6 cows, and A

jackson, 8 mules and cows, and A..
Houston, IL mules and / cow
or Greenlce, Jerry Parker, Gerald
James, Harry Colligan, Oscar Bower.
samcs Ellison and James Rutledge,
who at companied Captain Hacker,
with gasoline launches worked day
and night leading it onto barge
and carrying It, tc the steamer. Not
man slept from Saturday until
Monday and often went without
food for twelve or fourteen hours
At Mound City the people are
working almost as hard as at Cairo
The leyee there is barely standing
the strain and may 80 out at any
time. Hickman is under five feet o.
water and the Mississippi Is pour
ing through like mill race The
damage viii probably be more than
| $50, zoe.
The subway through which Thu
interurban ran, was closed III thirty
minutes yesterday morning.
Small boys, who had been dis
missed from school, aided in carry
Ing sand bags
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-04-03

$50 taken
Mrs. Den Brown OF cairo came UP
Thursday to look after her house.
Miss May Bishop has ref nod
from Randels, Mo,
Miss Bertha Crawford Of Fayville
Is visiting friends here this week.
DR.. b. +. Crabtree of Gorham,
was in town Saturday,
Master Rex Adams of Cairo Wis
tied some Of his relatives here the
past week
A number of our citizens called a
meeting saty day to nominate a
ticket for the town election. Messrs.
&C. |. Richards, John Chapman and
Robert Petit were named for trus-
tres. Harry Brown for clerk and
John Sowders for police MAGISTRATE
The name Of this ticket Is "lude-
pendent ticket
John Richards came 9a5 from
Cairo to ~omain until the water rd
cedes
Leo Campbell came homo the other
day with q wife, a surprise to some
, of his friends,
Mr. and Mrs. ] A. Oliver have re
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-04-03
RAINS CHANGE TO
SNOW AT PITTSBURGH
AND RELIEVE PEOPLE

Pittsburgh, Pa, April 2.-lnces-
SAINT rains OF the last forty-eight
hours changed to snow tonight and
food conditions. cast and north of
here, are improved. Cold weather
IS expected to. check the Using water
although the Allegheny river, with
its many tributaries, is swollen and
carrying much water into the. ONO
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-04-03
RAINS DO DAMAGE
TO MIDDLESB0R0UGH

Middlesborough, Ky, April e
Heavy rains in this vicinity IN the
last forty-cight hours have caused
.ha waters Of yellow Creek to over
flow, today, and inundate part OF
the city, to & depth Of from one to
thsec feet. All business was sus-
pended. The mines, in Mingo and
stony Fork hollows were flooded tc
such an extent that mining opera
items will not be possible for sew.
lal days,
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-04-03
Champions Win First.

Philadelphia, Pa. April 2.--The
pg,Hs series between the local ma
or league baseball teams now stands
Victories to /, in favor Of the Ma
'ionals, the Americans winning
lhc.r first game today, to 6. Each
team played steady fielding game
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-04-03

Ngs Leo Campbell visited relatives
In F'ayviIa ever Sunday.
INC Thebos school will give big
spelling bee Ia the M r church on
Saturday night of April 18th. Come
and hear II for tom and fifteen cents.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-04-03
New Grounds I.nppv

Cincinnati, O., April 2~The ex-
hibition game between the Cincin-
nati Reds and the Boston Americans
Fcheduled for today was called of
because it was found impossible t.
get the new grounds here into con.
.ditiop fit for playing.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-04-03

turned to their home IN Sc. Louis
after visit to her mother, Mrs.
Woods for several days
Postmaster Mar htldon srcat San-
day in Mcclure.
Mr. and Mrs. g. a Campbell and
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-04-03

For rheumatism you viii find
nothing better than Chamberlain
Llniment. Try it and see how QUICK
" it gives relief. For sale by all
druggists.