The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-23
MRS. DoLBY's TALKS.
As Usual, She Threatens To, But as
Usual, It's a Bluff.

As the Dolbys finished supper the
deacon showed his chair back with
Erunt and looked SO self-satisfied that
Mrs. Dolby remarked:
Samuel you are a good provider. 1t
hain't many families that can have
mashed 'taters every time they want
'em."
The deacon was about to reply with
an "Um!'' but thought better of it.
I don't know how I came to get
such a good husband. I sometimes feel
unworthy of you"
The deacon yawned out ho-hum
Ten minutes later he had removed
his shoes and was reading his couE-
Try paper. and Mrs. Dolby was cut
ting up one of his old coats into car
pet rags There had been silence for
some minutes, prOken only by the dea-
con cracking his toes now and then
in solid enjoyment, when Mrs Dolby
suddenly slid out of her chair to the
Ndoor and turned on her back and
rolled I'D her eyes. Mr.. Dolby lowered
his paper and looked at her, but made
no move. She began 70 gasp and CUR
gle, but he held his place. At the
end of five minutes she uttered a long
drawn groan and sat up and looked
around and asked:
Samuel, have I died and gone to
heaVen?"
The deacon didn't think so. In fact,
he was sure that was not the case, but
he saw no use in saying anything about
1t. He therefore turned to his paper
and again sought the paragraph where
the editor had returned his grateful
thanks to Farmer Brown for a peck OF
turnips laid on the editorial table -
II see am still with the living said
Mrs. Dolley two minutes later as she
struggled up and seated herself again,
but 1 don't know whether to be
thankful or not Samuel, don't you
want to know why I lost my senses
all at once2"
Samuel didn't. He had witnessed the
same performance 80 times over, ana
it was an old thing with him. He didn't
want to hurt her feelings, however, ana
so he made no reply.
Il will tell you. As sat here wonder
ing whether 1 should have the most red
or most yaller in my new carpet
suddenly thought of what Mrs. Cham
oers told me the other day when l
went over tc her house to borrow
a nutmeg to make custard. You had
given me two Shillings to buy new
pair of stockings that day, and 1 was
telling her what good man you was,
when all of q sudden she broke down
CRYING. 1t was 10 minutes before 1
could find out what allied her She
then said she felt it her duty 20 tell
me lust what a deceiver you was She
I tainted away. That's why looked so
pale when I got home. You thought
rnebbe 1 had seen mad dog, but i
hadn't I had been hearing what a
villain I had lived with all these
years"
Mr.. Dolby elevated one eyebrow. but
the elevation was trif1ing. Only a head
quarter sleuth could have detected II
and gore away to report that he had
Struck a promising view.
''Ten years ago, Samuel" continued
Mrs. Dolby as she worked up tear
ten years ago, one day when 1 was
away from home and you was here all
alone. a hog got into the garden. He
was roofing for potatoes when you saw
him You wanted to cripple linn Tor
life. You chased him and raced MN
for 10 minutes, and every Secon1 or
t4o YOU would yell out so l,c1h'nE- Mrs.
Chambers saw all and heard all, aud
she remembers what yOu said as clear
" as If it was but yesterday. When
she repeated over the words L thought
1 should surely die. How could you
say 'em, Samuel, how could your"
Mr.. Dolby heard her. but her voice
seemed to come from the woodShed
and made no impression on him. He
was reading that one acre OF ground
ought to produce so bushels OF tur-
nips, and his thoughts and turnips ran
together just then
you don't answer me, Samuel, and
i don't WONDER. on can SApldlL
away your words. During the ten
minutes you was chasing that hog you
called him:
"a burned rooter! A son of a gun,
"a blamed sneak. y grunting
"a waI-eyed cuss! y burned
dodo!'
you bumped him! You hustled
himi
'Ycu yelled out so that you could
De heard down to the wagon shop that
you'd slam daylight out of him And
You tried to, Samuel. You raced him
up and down and back and forth, and
if you hadn't fallen down and rolled
among the tomato vines you'd have
had the crime of murder on your
hands. You was still sweating and
breathing hard when I got home and
you said something about having
thrown a tramp over the fence.
samuel
Mrs. Dolby got ready to slide down
on the floor again, but on second
thought she concluded not TO. She
did give way to her emotions, how
ever and she couldn't have done bet
ter if she had been worked by ma
chinery. During this interval Mr.. Dol
by read that the world in general was
growing better; that there was more
profit in one acre of catnip than in
three acres of corn; that the deepest
spot in the Atlantic measured over