davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

UL&
tt is the same as to say that the
school boys first crude essay is
better and more perfect than the
masterpiece Of ! Shakespeare.
I reverence and respect our
forefathers as much as anybody.
They were brave, honest and pa
triotic old souls. But they didn't
know it all. We don't accept
them as our authority in modes
[of travel. They had the stage
coach; we have the automobile and
the Pullman car. We have inn
proved their method of sending
news They started a runner on
horseback; we send it over a wire
or an ether wave. They would have
burnt a man at the stake if he had
talked about flying; but we can
fly.
Shucks, it would take a week to
name all the things common to us
that our forefathers knew moth
ing about. just suppose we had
accepted them as our final author
ity on science and-invention, and
had hung every man who tried to
improve something. The year 1912
would have been found sucking,
the hind tit of 1776, with the lice
of ignorance a foot thick all over
Lit.
Now, then. Just think a minute.
If the good old men of those early
days had such a limited knowledge
of our material progress, and of
what our industrial needs would
be, how on earth did it happen
that they were SO all-wise in mat
tiers of government? How could
they know just exactly whatform
of government would suit US best
here in this Twentieth Century?
Here we are, a nation of living
people, hemmed in and fenced
about with the thoughts and theo-
ries Of dead men, and with an in
i %G .E&Ek%&- ..&E.HE%. HEE E#* ~
growing belief that we haven't
the right to change anything.
Fiddlesticks! Why didn't our
Revolutionary ancestors build a
big insane asylum to put US all in
if they thought we wouldn't have
sense enough to take care of our
selves?
They mixed up a jug Of politics
and left it in the closet, with in
structions for us to take a dose of
it every 50 often. Well, we've
been taking it like good babies,
bnt now the blamed stuff has
soured and stinks worse than the
very devil. I'm in favor Of pour
ing out the whole rotten mess,
scalding the jug, and trying some
thing else awhile. What do you
think about it, mister2
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01
PRECEDENT VS..

|bitedest, nonsensical, unreasonable
words that Noah Webster ever
trotted to sleep on his manly knee
and put to bed between the covers
Of his diction. book, is that little
scoundrel they spell this way:
"P-r-e-c-e-d-e-n-t.o
shall now take that word for
my text and preach you q little
lsermon. You know the accepted
meaning Of the word. Or if you
don't you'd better dig into your
Webster and find out.
Miss Precedent is the accom-
plished daughter of Mr.. Precede,
and the granddaughter Of old
Uncle Col Before. She is supposed
to be a pattern-an example
something to 60 by. The idea is
that you must not do anything un-
less somebody else has done the
same thing, or something just like
Il haforo
r. = ononoh 70 t;cLla ) wooden
IInd;an to GO some rea ;ack-lao
sotasnan ho,noa, NJ - ] crocLor
ha- = &c hanaLaroh;af i
Eh;s hroocbos ond mon bic foco with
he eb;rt.to;l and.than cbew - )
so,,are mile Of n~erfectlv GOOD
otmosnhoro +rv;nat u End . ssnre-
coaant,, for th;s tb.t and tho
-
WIZ liz; 4 m;star n,ba+ e
old Adam IA w.;tad j. f;na !.
ua.aaaaan+n hafona - a.n+oa i
ra;s;nr hoh;os wboro Al vo,,
$3.50 mo,,a haua 80
$500 re auaruhoau n,,,s+
b.vaa na+torn - ~ h. III -
m..l. iii ~.
a.o.na9
nsLah ! -.
80 sasaaal;ah
..L:sa - a.
nasale ''A 80 =
nv - 'AAo .o'p
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

It isn't such a great thing, after
all, for a man to say he never had
an enemy. You could write that
over a cabbage head. It would be
appropriate in an essay on mush
or a dissertation on fried eggs. If
you never did anything to make
anybody mad at you, you may be
q very good dummy, but you are
not much Of a man.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

If any of these tobacco-chewing,
ambear-squirting church members
ever get to heaven, the angels will
have an awful time cleaning up
after them.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

When the devil wants some-
thing done that he is ashamed to
do himself, he turns the job over
to a hypocrite.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

When you hear a fellow bragg
ging about how brave he is, and
how he would cut and shoot, he
usually means that he would cut
home and shoot under the bed.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01
TAKE NOTICE!

Do not send postage stamps on sub
scription.
Remittances should be made by
registered letter, express or postofice
money order.
Be careful to write your own name
and address plainly, and direct all
letters and make all orders payable
to:
THE FOOL-KILLER,
~lIeravian Falls, : North Carolina.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

Some church members put on
q lot Of fine clothes to hide the,
religion that they haven't got.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

You take a young girl about
fifteen years old-she cries and
cries for long dresses. And when
she gets them she goes around
holding them up. Girls are awful
funny things.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

Yes honey! In this country we
make people paupers by law, and
then punish them by law for
being paupers. / tell you we are
the last button on consistency's
coat, anyhow.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

All family skeletons are not
kept in a closet. Some of them
go in bathing at the seashore.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

N#4%4rT
Well, I'm back on the job.
-
What do you think of my press?
-
Now let's get down to bust
ness again.
What everybody knows is some-
times a blamed lie.
~-
Faith can hold the sack, but it
takes work to fill it.
Life is made up Of what we
haven't done and what we are go
ing to do.
Every time a man invents a
new excuse he infringes on some
other fellows patent.
/ A gang of sheep wouldn't elect
a wolf to rule over them. Have
you got as much sense as a sheep2
- s
Say, mister, it takes money to
grease this literary mill. Cant
you grease it a little?
All family skeletons are not
kept in a closet. Some Of them
60 in bathing at the seashore.
Some church members put on
a lot Of fine clothes to hide the
religion that they haven't got. !
When the devil wants some-
thing done that he is ashamed to
do himself, he turns the job over
to a hypocrite.
If any of these tobacco-cheWing,
ambear-squirting church members
ever get to heaven, the angels will
have an awful time cleaning up
after them.
When you hear a fellow brag-
ging about how brave he is, and
how he would cut and shoot, he
usually means that he would cut
home and shoot under the bed.
Yes honey! In this country we
make people paupers by law, and
then punish them by law for
being paupers. tell you we are
the last button on consistency's
coat, anyhow.
You take a young girl about
fifteen years old-she cries and
cries for long dresses. And wher
she gets them she goes around
holding them up. Girls are awful
funny things.
It isn't such a great thing, after
all, for a man to say he never had
an enemy. You could write that
over a cabbage head. It would be
appropriate in an essay on musl
~ a ccoyfo4;o r ~ od oc n
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

Say, mister, it takes money t
grease this literary mill. Can
you grease it a little?
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

Entered as second class matter
March 80, 1910, at the p~ostofice at
AIoravian Falls. N. c.. under the act
Of March 8, 1879.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

A gang Of sheep wouldn't elec1
a wolf to rule over them. Have
you got as much sense as a sheep
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01
What do you think of my press

Now let's get down to bust
ness again.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

Every time a man invents a
new excuse he infringes on some
other fellows patent.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01
What everybody knows is some.
times a blamed lie.
Faith can hold the sack, but it
work to fill it.

Life is made up Of what We
haven't done and what we are 90.
ing to do.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

One year to your heart. Is Cents.
In Clubs of Five or More, Is Cents.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01

Well, I'm back on the job.
The fool-killer., 1912-03-01
EDITORIALS.

Did you plum give me out?
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1912-10-25
NEW HAVEN.

Mr.. and Mrs. q. D. Human of
Yonkers, n. Y, former residents, are
visiting friends IN town.
Mrs. ROlla Halleck and daughter,
Frances, of Middlebury were guests this
week of Mrs. c. d. Hoffnagle
NJ. j. Landon went to Rutland on
Monday having been drawn as petit
juror at the United States court.
The schools will be closed on Thursday
and Friday of the present week to allow
the teachers To attend the State Teachers
convention of Vermont held in Rutland
beginning October "a
The Harvest supper given by the
Ladies union last week Friday evening
was a pleasant occasion. The evening
was one of the finest and the supper the
very best. An excellent program was
given of music, readings and the male
quartette also assisted. Net receipts
nearly S25.
Work has been progressing upon the
new building being erected for the use
of Beeman academy and the grades,
with George G.. Coates contractor, and
the corner stone was laid on Wednesday
afternoon of this week by the Grand
Lodge of Vermont, f. and A. NJ. Presi-
I L
Committees on music, reception and
entertainment were appointed and ID. A.
Roleau assisted the grand master in
receiving the officers of the Grand lodge.
Harold Barrows from Charlotte was in
( town over the Sabbath.
Miss Mary Barrows has gone South.
Next Sunday the pastors topic will be
Prisons
Goodsell Clark, an old resident Of
this town, was buried last Tuesday. lie
was above eighty years of age,
There were eightynine present in
Sunday school last Sunday.
The State Sunday school convention
was held in Burlington Thursday of this
week. The place of meeting was in
Barre, but on account of the small pON
in that place was changed to the former
city. The delegates from this church
were Deacon and Mrs. Will Partch, Mrs
Ira Everest and Virgil NJ. Benedict.
The funeral of Everett Hathorne wal
attended from his late home thil
friday afternoon at o'clock. The
deceased had been in i'll health for some
time. He had lived in town many year,
and was a highly esteemed citizen. HI
leaves wife and one son.
} Mrs. Laura Fisher Wright, widow o.
: the late Silas Wright of Middlebury anC
; former resident of this town, has re
Gently presented to the primary depart
, ment of our Sunday school her flint
: upright piano. Mrs. Wright has thu
: sincere thanks of the entire Sunda.
l school, as well as the townspeople 70
/ this beautiful and useful gift, which /
so greatly appreciated.
Every body invited to attend the Pro
gressive County rally at Middlebury
Wednesday afternoon and evening
October 80.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1912-10-25
WEST eRIDPoRT.

Melvin Wilkinson was late business
guest at Whitehall.
Hunters have begun to roam the
forests in search of game.
Wild ducks are plentiful along the
shores of Lake Champlain.
Melvin Edison Wilkinson of Whitehall
was a guest of his parents, Mr.. and Mrs
Melvin Wilkinson, Sunday.
William Randall and Burchard Bevins
of Crown Point visited the SEEMING
grounds of Earl Davis Saturday.
The regret to learn of sudden injury to
our friend George Bevins of Crown
Point, who was thrown 20 feet to the
ground by ladder away giving from its
fastenings where he was doing work on
building. The extent of his injuries
are not yet known.
Fred Spaulding and Herman Witherel
visited the seining grounds of Ashley
Dukett Friday.
Farmers who have been retarded in
their work are now busy filling their
silos these days for winter use.
Serrill Gardner we are informed on
Friday, October 18th, picked ripe straw
berry in his field.
Melvin Wilkinson is i'll from lumbago.
John 5. Dukett and wife and Freeman
Hutchinson took in the Grange eXcur-
sion from Plattsburg to ALBANY last
! Wednesday. They made short visit to
their sons, Earl Dukett and Mr. Hutchin-
son. who are attending the Albany Bust
ness college.
j. Lee Palmer was in the west part of
! the town Sunday.
EVERYBODY invited to attend the Pro-
gressive County rally at Middlebury
| Wednesday afternoon and evening,
/ October 30.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1912-10-25
North Bound
WEYBRIDoE.

Arrangements are progressing finely
for the chicken pie supper to. be held at
the local church parlors next Friday
evening.
C. W. Shaw of Providence, R. L.,
arrived here last Saturday night and
will assist his father in his farm work.
Miss Arlie Brttell is confined to the
house with a severe attack of neuralgia.
Mr.. and Mrs. A. r. Sturtevant of
Middlebury were the guests of Mr.. and
Mrs II. A. Boies last Sunday evening.
Rally day was observed at the NJ. f,
church with interesting and appropriate
exercises, consisting of recitations, sing
ing, etc, by the children to a large and
appreciative audience, concluding with
a brief but forceful address by the pas.
tor.
&. II. Sturtevant and family are now
nicely settled in the Harrington house
on Water street.
Owing to the decease of NJ. n. Baker,
the long time local agent of the Vermont
Mutual Fire Insurance Co, his son,
Charles NJ. / aker, has been appointed to
the office by the company.
AT the regular meeting of the Wey-
bridge Social and Improvement society
nelu ldSI lutsudy evening, TWO CdHul'
dates were initiated and several applica
tions were presented.
NJ. f. Sprague is slowly improving
from his recent severe illness.
Rev. f. w. Hallowell and family were
the guests of Mr.. and Mrs. w. j. Pearson
of New Haven last Monday.
Mr.. and Mrs. A. w. Sturtevant were
business visitor in Middlebury last Mon
| day.
There is no material change to note il
| the case of j. w. Whitman, the as
report being that he was about holding
his own.
Robert w. Baentine, jr., of Chicope,
Falls, Mass, is spending his vacation
here with his father and sister.
Mr. and Mrs. Albert Foster and sons o.
East Middlebury attended church her,
last Sunday and were guests at thu
parsonage.
Everybody invited to attend the Pro
gressive County rally at Middlebury
Wednesday afternoon and evening
October 80.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1912-10-25
D. a. r. Meeting.

Mary Baker Allen chapter, D. A. R.,
met October 18th at the town hall with
Mrs. Will Curtis, as hostess, and Mrs.
Silas Hoyt, Mrs. Elwyn Pratt and Miss
Belle Foote committee. The hall was
tastefully decorated with autumn leaves.
A substantial luncheon was served at
noon, large brightly tinted leaves with
penciled names thereon being dainty
place cards. Eighteen members and
four guests were present, among the
latter being a real daughter of 1912,
Mrs. Mott, mother of Mrs. Hoyt.
Two new names were voted on and &C
cepted, Misses Jessie and Kathleen
Foote. Among the pleasant incidents
of the day was the gift, by Mrs. S. H.
Lane, a nonresident member, of flag
for the chapter. The days programme
included reports of delegates to the
state convention, Mrs. Sanford and
Mrs. Taylor. A poem, ''The Field of
Grounded Arms" read by Miss Girls
wold paper, Dolly Madison, by Mrs.
w. H. Bingham, extracts from life of
Dolly Madison, Mrs. X. L. Taylor,
reading, The Little Black Eyed
Rebel" Belle Foote, reading of mes
sage from Mrs. A. T. Lane, by the
regent, Mrs. C. H. Lane closed with
music, and adjourned to meet in Jan
uary.
KATHARINE GRISMOID. Historian.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1912-10-25
KATHARINE GRIswoLD, Historian

We know a bull pup that is rapidly
acquiring the habit of rushing out and
barking at passing teams. Pretty soon
now it would be good idea to break
the canine of the habit or break his
neck, for if he doesn't quit it he will
be a plaguey nuisance as long as he
lives
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1912-10-25
Fortunes in Faces

There's often much truth in the saying
"hrr face is her fortune" but its never
said where pimples, skin eruptions,
blotches, or other blemishes dishgure it.
Impure blood is back of them all, and
shows the need of DR.. Kings New Life
Pills They promote health and beauty
Try them. % cents at JOHN l.. SLATER S,
Park Drug Store. adv
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1912-10-25

To feel strong. have good appetite and
digestion, sleep soundly ana enjoy life,
use Burdock Blood Bitters, the family
ystem tonic. p rice, S1,00. adv.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1912-10-25
Over Half-Century.

Humphreys Specifics have
been used by the people with
satisfaction for more than 80
years. Medical Book sent free.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1912-10-25
RUTLAND RAILROAD
Time of departure of trains from
Middlebury effective Sunday,
September 20.
South Bound.

9;31 a. m. mail, daily except Sunday
12:47 p. m. Green Mountain flyer, daily
4:55 p. m. daily except Sunday.
1902 p. m. Sundays only.
1915 p. IN. daily.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1912-10-25

No FOR Price
1 Fevers. COMPOSITIONS, lnfammations........2 30
, Worms. Worm Fever. or Worm Disease. rs
3 Collie Crying and Wakefulness Of Infants rs
4 Diarrhea. OF Children and Adults .........23
Coughs. Colds. Bronchitis .....................25
Toothache, Faceache. Neuralgia. rs
o Headache. Sick Headache, Vertigo. rs
10 Dyspepsia. Indigestion Weak stomach. rs
IL Group, Hoarse Cough, Laryngitis ...........25
IL salt Rheum. Eruptions, Erysipelas.. ........25
is Rheumatism. or Rheumatic Pains ......... 20
10 Fever and Ague, Malaria ........,,..- 20
~ Piles Blind or Bleeding. External, Internal 2o
10 Catarrh. Influenza Cold in Head ..........-25
30 MhoOping Cough. Spasmodic Cough. .....25
81 Asthma. Oppressed, Difficult Breathing ......2S
rs Nervous Debility. vital Weakness .....1.
30 Urinary IncOntinence, Wetting Bed......75
"a sore Throat. Quinsy -------------........9o
IT Grip, Hay Fever and Summer COldS.....25
Sold by druggists sent on receipt of price.
HUMPHREYS HoMEo. MEDICINE co., Corner
William and Ann Streets. New York.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1912-02-06

came willingly between 4 man and his
wife was a woman to be admired or
trusted even II she did happen to be the
mans stenographer9
Well. WELL how Interesting Il Is to see
the different points of view. TO be sure.
Now know stenographers. hundreds Of
them, and every one OF them good girls,
honest girls. self-respeeting girls.
wonder how they would like your In
ference that the only way to make sue
cess In business IL to sell yourself for
SO or si2 n week and work hard TO earn
the money besldes7 I'm afraid they'd
say that the thing that ails you Is that
you are incompetent. not perhaps faulty
so. you may be too weak or too III or too
Ignorant to be good stenographer. but
stlll incompetent. And OF course when
girl Is incompetent she has TO make the
best OF a very bad bargain.
Hungry are you, and desperataf Poor
girl ! wish l knew where you were. I'D
like to spend the day with you right now.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1912-02-06

Today am going to write for the fat
woman. @
Yes, know, / am not fat myself
never was, and Heaven preserve me
from ever getting fat. for | am afraid
a fat Gaby would not be a success. So
you see have thought a great deal
about IL, and that is why / sympathlze
50 with the women VINO let their lines
slip away from them and develop BILL
lows instead OF curves.
There are many ways of getting thin.
but the very simplest is not TO let your
self get fat. l know that sounds alb
surd. but there is a great deal in 1t,
for you don't get fat all Of a sudden,
and amlsble friends are sure to tell you
on the very instant that you develop
half pound of superfluous flesh.
A certain amount Of flesh. even when
II begins 10 reach the fat state. is not
unattrsctive: but alas. the really cor
pulent woman IS an affliction 10 herself
and blot upon the landscape. You see
very few comparatively young women, in
Paris. who allow themselves to get very
fat The young matrons, as you call
them over here. whether they have
children or not, and meaning. / am told
young married women. are far too vain
to let themselves grow fat or lose their
figures.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1912-02-06
The Hungry Stenographer
By Tad
by wINIFRED BLACK.

The first thing I'd do would be to have
a good substantial luncheon. then we'd
see about a decent room somewhere and
then we'd talk II all over. the foolish
crosseyed way you have Of looking at
life.
Get on in business by being silly
little thing for sale to the highest bidder?
Not In honest business. my dear. not In
honest business.
These men you've seen aren't repre-
sentatives Of a class. they're iust a sort
Of parasite on the real business com
munity. There isn't much work TO do Ia
their offices or they would want cap
able stenographer and one who was there
TO work. not 20 flirt.
Forget them, honey. forget them. Every
woman with her way TO make In the
world meets these absurd creatures once
in while, yes absurd. for they are
really nothing but very bad jokes. Don't
laugh with them. laugh at them. that
will soon bring them TO their senses.
And whisper. study. work. How many
words can you take In a minute? Can
you spell? Did you ever hear Of the
president OF the United statesg Who's
Rockefeller. and how do you spell him?
Are YOU good humored. tidy. obliging.
quick. industrious? DO you like TO work?
These are the important things Tor you
TO think Of. not what. sort Of men you
have TO work for.
You'll get plenty OF work when you are
competent TO do II. and II the man who
gives II TO you Is a dodderlng old fool,
or a feather-headed young one. tell him
quite calmly that You have no time for
nonsense. smile In friendly fashion. and
go on with your work. Hell be the best
friend you ever had. see II he isn't
There's no time IN modern business life
for offended dignity, no time for air and
graceS. no time for even hurt feelings
and wounded pride. There's Just time for
work and smiling and seeing the world
as II Is. not as you'd like to think II, a
huge hunting ground. with all the men
on earth chasing poor little tlmid you.
Don't run so hard. sister. they'll soon
stop trying to catch you IL you Just stand
still and let them run by. Try II and see.