The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1912-01-05
Has anybody seen our knife?
Smashed 'em yet?

Smashed em yet?
we haven't broken any-for the
very good reason that we didn't make
any. We learned by the buckwhcat
cakes experience that 1t is better to
never resolute at all than to resolute
and break.
There are two classes of people In
the world those who believe in play
ing solitaire and those who think it's
a silly waste of time.
We assume that the celebrating is
about over until the early part of
July. But there's nothing like cele-
brating when the celebrating's good.
Also, nothing quite like the morn.
ing after, we're informed.
What for luck would you call it,
that just after you'd found your knife,
there developed a hole in your pocket
through which the aforesaid knife
slipped it's way to liberty once again?
But we caught the fugitive just as it
was humping to the floor by the trous-
erleg route.
Started your new diary? Take tip
put down in ink some of the things
that will be read by unappreciative
eyes years hence. This is an author
itative statement
We've wrapped the record of 1911
in an envelope, sealed it up, put a
rubber band around it, and filed it
away in the archives to collect the
dust
Got so you can write it 1912 yet?
It's leap year.
There's just this one word Of adj
vice, girls: Look before you leap.
A January thaw must be due about
now.
And it's only month till grounding
day, when well find out whether
there's to be six more weeks of it,
after that.
Working for a bank or a postoffice
must be an awful snap. Here lately
they've been getting every Monday
off, as well as Sundays.
What's become of the o. f. leap
year dance?
We almost forgot to acknowledge
receipt of the cigar with which to
smoke to the health of that new G.
months-old girl in the neighbOrhOod.
Some cigar. Some girl, too, believe
us.
If we live long enough we intend to
take five minutes off this week some
time and have the hole in that trouser
pocket sewed up so that the knife
won't slip away again. Meanwhile
we're carrying the knife and a bunch
of keys and a little matter of $1,4OO
in cash, in the left pocket, and it's
awfully incOnvenient to reach into
the right pocket every fifteen min
utes and get stung.
Sol came around yesterday and
wanted to go swimmins, but we re-
fused. 1t was too goldarn hot to
walk clear out to Taft's. We're tax
ing no chances on a sunstroke. When
we pointed out to him that it was only
16 degrees below zero, he almost
wilted Now if he had come the day
before, when it was IS below, we
might have considered it.
We see by the paper that Chinese
New Years has been made Jan. /.
After this, then, Sam Coon will have
to celebrate the same day as the rest
of us. We anticipate that Sam can
celebrate it all right. too, when it
comes to that.
For once LaFollette was on the
wrong track. BY rights the senate
ought to appoint a guardian for him.
With one big new factory for Nor
folk as starter, 1912 has the right
ring to it,
ATCHISON GLOBE SIGHTS.
Smiles on the witness stand are as
effective as tears if a woman knows
just when to use them.
People will continue to criticise the
supreme court a good deal until JUS
tice Hughes gets shave.
1t may also be said that very few
men need to wear WhiSkers to hide