Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-11-14

y " NV IL
non. Hank say Rem is a liar.
Elmer Jones says he would like to
wv a good dollhouse because a Teller
could stay i'm it all the year around and
keep nice and warm for nothing.
Since Doc Hanks has had the mumps
his whiskers is too small and don't tit
his face.
Hickeyville is going to have a new
brick cold storage building and they
will probably have to build it out of
Ice cream to make it colo enough.
L. Egbert Peavey says polka dots is
all the go down to the city. BY gravy.
a Teller hat has got the smallpox or
measles must be right in style.
MISS Pansy Perkins wished a wart
last week. but the fortune teller made
a mistake and wished it onto the end
of Pansy's nose. Old Man Purdy says
he guesses he will lave a wart wished
onto the end of his nose to keep his
specs from slippin' off. News are quite
scare this week. as everybody in town
has been waitin' down at the railrud
depot since last Monday morning to
see the SLY come in, which is some
late at this writing.
Abner Hanks made q mistake the
other day and filled the tank of his 40
candle power runabout with gin instead
OF gasoline. and the blamed thing
wouldn't stay in the rud. but knocked
the front porch off from Hilliker's gem
eral store and smashed four rods of the
fence in front of the meetin' house..
Hi Bibins has got a new invention.
which is photography ham on sand
witches so 1t looks IKE a real article.
He ought to make his fortune around
at camp meetin's and county fairs.
Next to bein' night Waterman In a
casket factory, about the cheerfulest
job l know OF is bein' poet laureate for
a tombstone works.
HI Higgins, our photographer, says
few people take a good picture. Hank
Tumms says he took a good one once
but they saw him and made him put
1t back. William Tibbits borrowed
Constable Hands star to nail over a
rat hole in the floor of he grocery
store and the majesty of the law are
goin' around without any insignia.
An agent was through here the other
day distributin' Hostetters' almanacs
and he members of the smart set of
polite society are enjoyin' the first
good laugh they have had in some time.
Hod Peters says ne don't believe in
humor. The last time his wife read
the almanac she laughed sc hare her
false teeth fell out and was busted in
two on the floor and he had to send
down to the Rapids for a new pair.
The new pair was too big. but his wife
manages to wear 'em. and they
stretched her mouth so much Hold says
she looks like q laughin' hynie at some
circus or other.
Mrs. Ansel Bibbins has got a new
set of false teeth at this writing. Let
the improvements go on and we will
soon nave quite a metropolitan looking
place.
Bud Hicks says there is one good
thing about having peer in states
prison. Nobody will ever give you a
job when you get out.
OLD FRIEND MARY.
Mary had a little skirt,
And it was built so tight
About her person hat she had
To peal it off at night.
THE PESSIMIST'S IDEA.
A yard or two Of stuff that's called a
skirt,
A waist hats made of some expen-
sive lace.
A pair of shoes that are so tight they
hurt,
Some padding put i'm just the proper
place,
A hat that cost nine times what ii is
worth:
A peck or two of someone else's hair:
A complexion bought most anywhere
on earth,
"A corset that is too tight every
where.
A bundle of artistic temperament
A flow of conversation that is light.
A passing Whit of some delicious
scent,
A show Of vanity from morn till
night
And that's a woman.
A bag of wind inflated without cause:
blowhard and an arden egotist
VINO more than the mes who
made the laws;
A set of teeth, q mustache and a
fist. :
Some shoulders that are padded out
of shape,
A smell of burned tobacco that is
stale:
A blossom on the nose from festive
Some stories that make modest folk
turn pale.
A punk cigar that sizzles all day long.
A thing who's chiefest aim is Just
to eat.
\ party who is right. all others wrong.
Who's always SO per cent conceit.
And that's a man.
HIS SYSTEM.
"A gentleman, who was a stranger to
h usual throng. stepped up to the
mahogany. ordered a New Orleans
fzz and. reaching in his pockets.
pulled forth a live toad and placed ii
IN the bar.
For the love Of Mike yelled the
man next to him. Why the toad?"
That toad plays a star part in a
system that I have used for many
years with great success" replied the
gentleman.
Spring it," shouted the mob.
Well. Q see. I tai my little friend
In front of me n order my drink. I
TAX my drink and then 7 ordor m.