The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-11-23
Novel Skits Introduced at Last Nights
Affair for Amusement Of
Guests and All Depart
in Good Humor
CITY COMMISSIONERS ENTER
INTO SPIRIT OF THE OCCASION
Unique List of Toass Presented and Some of the Speakers
Dodged the ISSUE But it All Contributed to Jolty of
Very Happy Affair

i IicSiutilt-elecI nlnSelI.
While every guest stood awed OF
thrilled as the case might have been
the speaker read message sent by Mr.
| Wilson from Bermuda, in which the New
Jersey governor declared himself in per-
feet health, and expressed his delight that
the weather had been so fine
docs that not mean the toastmaster
queried that the President-elect expects
us all to come out of the wet?'
Two Retorts Courteous
Following this Introductory argument
the command was given:
Candidates, be seated"
Everybody save lone member of the
club sat down.
why do you still stand2" the toast
master demanded.
Because l am not a candidate was
the reply.
well, d. it, be seated anyway" the
POSTMASTER stormed, and as the member
tumbled into a chair hurried call was
made for a brain surgeon
But peace was not to be purchased
so cheapiy. For hardly had the fore
going incident passed than a second
member of the club, In very ponpous
manner, took the floor and addressed
the POSTMASTER From all about there
came cries, BE seated, be seated" The
master of ceremonies repeatedly raped
with Joe Cannon's gavel, but the mem
Der still stood. Finally the two SER
geants at arms, Oscar Underwood and
j. Tom Helm, who previously had been
appointed, forcefully thrust the offend
r. In
cried aloud:
Sir, this is an INSULT"
Bear up, old fellow" returned the
postmaster, you will not be the only
man insulted here tonight
When the significance of this thrust
shot home members of the city com
mission were seen to squirm uneasily
in their seats.
The Postum Arrives
In the meantime a number of liv-
cried lackeys brought forth the steam
ing 'possum, the denizen of the woods
which, under the protective care of
monosyllabic John Wallace, has recent
~ increased with great rapidity
1t was magnificent specimen bear
ing the earmarks OF Virginia forests
the cauldrons of the Turn Verein
Kitchen and the Ice boxes of the same
emporium. Surrounded by vans of
xanthic tincture, the dish might have
served the purposes OF the gathered
gods of Olympus, might have produced
peace or melted Instruction or might,
mad the steam tickled the nostrll of
Apollo. whiled him more serenely than
the twang of his harpischord.
1t was moment for inspiration In
contemplating, poems were inscribed
by the visitors, unsung songs composed,
sonnets strung more mellow than the
lucent moon and a thousand lofty per-
orations expressed to the mighty
mouthed inventor of harmony.
Disturber Is Squelched
1t might have been expected that
following the parcelling of the pos
sum there would have been peace. For
the viands We're delightful and with
marvellous freedom the beer was
flowing.
But hardly had the guests settled to
their pleasant duties than one of the
fellows very seriously stood.
MIR. Toastmaster," he said, his tone
while in accordance with dignity be-
ing at the same time emphatic and
positive; you have served nothing
more pleasant to the palate than pale
beer. l am no German. Therefore, l
crave bit of the Burgundy. In other
words, a highball, If you pleased"
ly disposed.
'Will someone serve the member a
highball?" he urged.
Someone obliged, and as the mem
Der, anticipating nothing more serious
than compliance with his request, was
chatting with a distinguished guest,
highball was deposited, from the end
of a fishing pole, before his plate
THAT one is the highest we could
find aXnlafnnd Inn OF
was procured from the electric sign of
the American Trust building
Toasts in Order
But for the positive injunction that
nothing said should be printed,
weird story this November morning
could be unfolded. But inasmuch as
each of the guests shook the hand
of the other before departure, and in
asmuch as this blessed spirit of peace
and composure might forever endure,
1t was judged best to forbear.
The first speaker was John Sparrow,
and he spoke as man who had de-
serted journalism before starvation and
as a result of applying his talent in a
more lucrative field had amassed a for
tune to startle Croesus. Needless to
say. the speaker performed we'll his
task. and the members of the club
following each of the compliments di-
rected to them. cheered with peculiar
lustiness
Oscar w. Underwood followed His
toast was The Family Which Man
aged Me- Contrary to expectations Mr.
Underwood spoke of his own family and
indicated that in spite of the fact that
he is able TO lead turbulent democracy
as ii that turbulent clan was calf
with wire through its nose, he HIM
self is led aud managed by a family
his own. Mr.. Underwood was in ex-
eellent fettle. which forebodes- little of
good to trembling plutocracy and the
scurrilous hencffnen of predatory
wealth.
Speakers Dodge Issue
The speakers of the evening displayed
a wonderful ability in lodging issues.
John L. Parker, for instance, with the
subject Schools and Skirts did not 20
into minute details concerning the suf-
fragette episode which has recently
caused promiscuous smiles, But ne got
away with several clever bits of humor
and received applause
Henry y. Gray referred gently to the
city commission In expressing himself on
the subject II Still Believe Them Honest.
He was complimentary to an exceeding
degree. going SO far as to state that In
spite OF the fact that the commission had
purchased a swamp instead of a park
at $4,000 per ache. he believed that the
commission. Individually and collectively.
Is honest-though unwise.
= Ma ANest herly. a lnembersof the cons
mission. replied TO Mr.. Gray IN his inter-
esthg speech Ifs, Ands and Butts" The
intmation of those, who had given the
subject that Mr.. yveathcrly seldom is
found on either sidk OF the fence was
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