The sun., 1912-07-01
COL. J.HAM LIKE OUR RUBE
IS HOT AFTER A RECORD
Sunny Whiskercd Statesman
Has Swcllcd His Batting
Average at Baltimore.
HAS OUR MR.. SELTZER TIED
AS Temporary Permanent
Chairman Chicago Beauty
Blazcs in All His Glory.

said somebody to-day after the
Hon. j. Ham Lewis. Chicago's greatest
son and sun. had paused momentarily
in midfiight to tell THE Srfereporter how
much the Hon. Mr.. Lewis appreciates the
publicity given to him during
the last few days. that the greater then
man the humber and more appreciative
he is."
"when man is a candidate for United
States Senator" the Hon. j. Ham had
just said to the reporter. 'every one Of
these remarkably complimentary things
you newspaper men have been saying
about me helps immensely. appreciate
the kindness very much"
He gulped emotionally. In his eyes
was a mistiness that but added to their
beauty. and one thought instinctiveiy Of
mist wraiths high hanging and nebulous
above pink tinted cloud Of whiskers all
lit up by the last red rays Of the setting
sun.
Well may the Hon j. Ham feel elated,
for not only has he received generous
newspaper attention but his batting aver
age is equalled only by the Hon. William
Seltzer in the great indoor contest for the
honor OF being selected to be temporary
permanent chairman whenever Perna-
nent Permanent Chsirman Ollie james
leaves the platform for few minutes to
confer with some one or other or to grab
OF a sandwich or attend to any weighty
matters such a. these which constantly
bob up in the life Of a statesman.
This temporary permanent chairman.
ship honor numerically Ia second
now only to the running for Vice-Presi-
Dental nomination tag game, the tag
game numbering more players partly
because any one may choose up sides and
start the Vice-Presidency tag game with
out having TO wait to be asked and partly
because il may be played all over the lot,
whereas the contest for the temporary
permanent craftsmanship necessarily is
strictly an indoor sport.
The vice-Presidential lineup is BIT too
vast to be given here. In the temporary
permanent craftsmanship contest, how
ever. the entrants and their respective
scores are as follows: Lewis batted for
James in the thirteenth ballot and again
in the twenty fifth. or total OF two:
Seltzer batted for James in the ninth and
eighteenth. total Of two: Hehin batted for
James in the fifteenth. total one: Francis
batted for James in the twenty-second.
total one.
As the game progresses the entrants
look with more and more jealousy at the
sporting pages each day to see how their
only rival for unbr oxen vistoriee in the
sporting world. the Hon. Rube Vanguard
Of New York il coming On The big head
4
concerning the Hon. Rube's eighteenth
straight victory on the diamond almost
drove the temporary permanent chair
man contestants to the churche. to pray
that their game here will not be called on
account Of the crack of doom. or be'ore
they have had "a chance to pu; il al over
Rube and his string Of consecutive wins.
And this indoor sport here il II glorious
game to play but hard one. Next To tn"
thrill that must surcharge one when lend
ing the combined choristers at a Newark
saen gerfeat comes the emotional thrill
of mounting the chairman's platform at
national convention especially at this
national convent ion and just by stern
glance Of the eye or the determined set
Of the chin beneath ones whiskers. every
pink strand Of hair bristling with au-
thority, to hold in check Is. 900 high strung
American patriots.
Clear the aisles.- cries the Hon. Mr..
Lewis for instance. when some one has
moved privately that he be permitted to
bc chairman for while. This disorder
in the galleries and on the floor must
cease. Rang. bang. bang with the
Ravel.l Gentlemen. gentlemen. this dis
- tS.nl q
bang.l Tho convention will now come &c
order SO that the gentleman from Ten
nessee who has the floor may properly
be heard by this assemblage and that We
may continue eXpeditiously with the bal
loting. Order. gen
Forget il, Ham; you're all het up
Cut it out and give the rest Of the con-
venton a chance to he heard"
Officer. make that gentleman 'bang
banR) take his seat with his delegation
Clear all the aislcs. officers. clear tbs
aisles (bang. bang. And il you in thu
galleries do not Immediately cease dis
tur-
aAw. choke 1t on yourself. You're
making more noise yourself than thu
whole convention. but"
"Oficer il that disturberis not silencec
| Immediately, Immediately. say. J shal
order the sergeant at-arms to
"Say. how many times do we have tt
tel you W rii'it uP' oi' sAH' i''
us delegates go on with the bal
"Ordcr. l say (gesture, showing tn
Temporary Permanent's decided annoy
anceJ. Gentlemen, these Interruption
must cease straightway. Dear, dear,
dear. and YOU not aware that unless
COCOON. tut, tut for yours Up al
alley and forget it. old glory. or shut III
| and let us vote.
And then Permanent Permanent Chair
man James looms ak feet four or 90 owe
the horizon, fecks the sandwich crumbl
away, and after thanking the Temporary
Permanent and offering a word Of con
graduation for his excellent efforts Il
maintain order the Temporary pausc'
only to jot down his score and then goes
happily to the bench
AT this stage of the contest everyth In!
points to hours upon hours filled will
chances like these to bat for James he
fore all is over. Unless Contestant Self
ger makes spurt, which Is not though
probable, inasmuch as his heart Ia no
In the game to the extent that Con
ties, ant Lewis's is. the Hon. j. Ham will
romp to victory like house afire,