Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-08-08

that in. and husbands should take
warning.
In staid old New Hampshire last
week a husband arrived home and
found his wife and five of her women
friends enjoying a poker game. smok-
When he complained they locked him
in the cellar and forgot him until
morning when h party broke up.
A Missouri woman has just traded
her husband of for a mule. and has
set up in business for herself ped
The good old days are gone, and,
We fear. never to return.
~
THE WHIST CLUB.
There cannot be much fun in 1t.
They just sit there and scowl.
When some one trumps her partners
ace there is an awful howl.
They. sit and nag n scold and scrap
ole every card that's played.
And criticise each others clothes;
also the way they're made.
They sit and play four hours or more.
no love shows in their eyes
THEY'RE fighting for a 1O-cent dish, for
that's the big first prize.
Each one slams down her card quite
enough to break her wrist.
' eOvS NNSSs II NCtI NOu Ilo
when women folks play whist.
Though he is short on parlor etiquet
and eats cas- with his knife,
Though he couldn't dance q two
step 81 waltz to save his life.
He's the Idol OF adoring throngs Of
misses just the same.
For he hits up nea 800 in the great
n only game.
With the parlor conversation he's as
mum as any claim,
But he's idolized as much AZ any Will
lam Faversham.
He's as Innocent of grammar as Josh
Billings e'er could be,
But he's v missed q grounder
when twas needed, don't you
He is very short on Ibsen. Never
heard of Henry James.
1t you speak to him OF Maeterlinck
ned 8 how many games
Maeterlinck had ever played in. He
Is mighty shy on lore.
But with three men ON the bases he
a pound out hits galore.
He has got a country mansion and
q bangup touring car.
And he travels round the country like
grand operas greatest star.
He makes all the other idols look
p%rosaic, quiet and tame.
For he Is this seasons hero in the
great and only game!
LIFE'S LITTLE IRONIES.
Having the minister call when you
are in the midst of a stag poker game.
Being in a hurry and having the
mar ahead Of you in the barber chair
take a hair cut. egg shampoo. cleo
trio massage. head rub and shave.
OUR PRIVATE UNABRIDGED.
Savant-A man who cries microbes
when there Is no microbes.
Notwithstanding probably not
true.
Schooner-A vessel that can operate
only in wet countries.
Notwithstanding that ex-vice-
presidents have thrust upon them.
Seeds-Nature fakes that dc not de-
liver the goods. (See your own gar
den).
Serious-solemn. grave and pessi-
mtstic. (See musical comedy).
Sham-Something that pillows used
to wear in the daytime.
Sharpshooter-A gun with a bayonet
on it.
sin-what everybody does excepting
ourselves.
Slmian-A monkey. lie, one who tries
to find a leak in a gas pipe with a
lighted match; a gentleman who wears
a blue derby.
OUR HERO CONTEST.
A hero is a man who takes a lodge
brother home at 2 o'clock in the norm
ing. rings the bell and hands the BROTH
err over to the wife instead of leaning
him up against h door. ringing the
bell and running away. e. l.. p.
A hero is a man who marries a cook
ing school graduate and let's her do the
cooking. H. n. ].
A hero is a man who has Ave dauRh-
ters taking singing lessons and three
sons studying burnt leather art.
A hero is a man who will carry a
ltmburger cheese home for q friend.
O. j.
RULES OF TABLE ETIQUET.
Don't eat soup like q vacuum clean
It isC impolite to take your teeth out
OF your. mouth when the nut course
comes N.
Don't tuck your napkin under your
chin or tie 1t around your neck, for 1t
might do o some good tina way.
Lay IT across your knees and continue
to spill the catsup on your necktie.
Don't forget to give the waiter u tip.
- o can't do anything better. tell
in the National league.
Light a long black cigar and blow
the smoke in some lady's face. That's
strictly up to the minute in cafe ETH
Quet.
Always CAN the waiter by his first
name SO everybody Will know you have