davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
"IAJoR TowNsEND's RIVER"

The return of Colonel c. Med.
Townsend to duty as river improve
ment officer on the Mississippi with
headquarters at st. Louis, revives a
sentiment that Dick Little, war cor
respondent, humorist, critic and ali
around newspaper man, proposed in
honor of Townsend 10 years ago. At
that time, the engineer officer was
stationed at Rock Island with the
rank Of major, and it was on the oc-
casion of the visit TO the three cities
of that quartet of Chicago newspa-
per notables, John T. McCutcheon,
George AIDE, Dick Little and Henry
Barrett Chamberlin, as the guests of
the Tri-City Press club, that Little
got of his neat compliment to Town
send. The Chicago newspaper men
were given a days round of enter
tainments by the committee OF the
press club, which included visits to
Major Townsend and also to Colonel
Blunt at Rock Island arsenal. Major
Townsend was anxious to give the
visitors a little ride on the river, but
as he had no boats in port at that
time the ever accommodating Commo-
dore Charles McHugh was very glad
TO have his launch. the Mary Nc,
pressed into service. Commodore
McHUgh also took the precaution to
see to It that there was an abundant
supply OF such restoratives aboard as
might come in handy should anyone
become seasick.
II was q stormy day on the river
and the little craft rolled and pitched
I like a ship at sea in a hurricane and
John McCutcheon said It was the
toughest water he had seen since the
/ night before the battle of Manila
I bay. II was while the boat was leap
| ing from wave to wave that Dick Lit
I tie, opening a fresh bottle OF the
quieting spirits, solemnly poured the
contents on the bosom OF the Father
of Waters, repeating impressively as
he did so, be still old stream, for
here and now l christen thee Major
Townsend's river, and now will you be
good"
And so among the newspaper fra.
ternity of the three cities and Chi
hoago the good old stream has been
known ever since.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

The region of northern New Jersey
is extremely beautiful. There are roll
ing hills, some OF them approaching the
dignity of mountains. There are splen-
did lakes, some Of them closed in be-
tween the hills producing scenery to
catch the eye of an artist
There are country places that are
veritable palaces, for many Of the
wealthiest and most fashionable New
Workers have built them for their
summer homes.
The most famous of all these locali-
ties is Tuxedo. where are gathered
many whose ancestors were prominent
when the state Of New Jersey was
colonyof King George III.
It was Easter week and Mrs. James
Fenton was giving little house party
in one of these beautiful homes.
April was still weaving its birthday
garments, springs coronal OF blossoms
remained yet folded buds and song
birds were not quite ready with their
richest song.
But it promised to be a prodigal
spring. In the woods the bloodroot
and anemone were in bloom and the
violets were peeping forth from their
protecting leaves.
Now and then a cardinal or scarlet
tanager would flash from the cedar
trees. And in Mrs. Fenton's flower
beds yellow daffodils, the white mar
cissus and blue hyacinths made sweet
places.
OF course Mrs. James Fenton had
gathered together all sorts Of men.
from the up to date man with a fad
for motor science, talking grandilo-
quently of lubricators, radiators and
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
TALKS 1rtttl~-
WOMEN READERS
bD
Edna K.Woo1Q1

Some day we'll have courage enough
to wear helmets like the firemen-
they're the only decent headgear in a
pouring rain" declared the woman in
the 'slicker."
Reading that story about the gold
fish jag-where the little boy poured
whisky down the frozen goldfish to
bring them to life-reminds me of
what happened in our henyard when l
was a boy" remarked the man with a
laugh in his eyes.
MY grandmother found that some
of her cherries had spoiled-ferment-
ed, you know. They were decidedly
alcoholic. She didn't want to fuss with
them. so she threw the whole lot into
the back yard.
I'VE had some so or 60 hens at that
time. Well-they got at those cher
ries and the way they gobbled 'em up
you'd think their ancestors had been
tipplers from the beginning Of things.
They certainly showed a depraved
! taste for alcohol.
I'VE didn't think about that, how
ever, until short time after when we
saw our hens beginning to act up. In
fact, the whole chicken yard had one
grand jag.
1.-TWO staid old hens who had dwelt
in perfect amity all their lives, in spite
of their polygamous state, started a
fight to a finish. Others staggered
around in a disgraceful fashion. Some
got so gay they simply couldn't make
themselves behave. The old grand.
father rooster managed to get up on
the chopping block, where he tried to
flap his wings and crow. But he top
pied off at the first flap.
THE whole henyard had one gay old
time until the alcohol got in its real
work and stupefied the chickens. They
didn't stop to roost anywhere, but
tumbled over where they happened tc
be and slept off the effects of theil
debauch At first we thought they
were dead, but they were about as us
ual the next day, though they certainly
were disreputable looking lot, anC
the way they drank water was a eau
! ton. l suppose even a chicken has {
dark brown taste the morning after.
Grandfather said he could taste the
effect in the eggs for weeks after.
couldn't, but I never doubted grand
fathers word"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
After Her Riuhts,

At St. Joseph, Mo-. woman tried to
enlist in the regular army. So eager
was she to demonstrate her patriotism.
that she put on the garments that
make a man and tried to slip past the
recruiting officer. Needless to say, the
officer informed her that it was not
ladies' day.
Here is an item for the suffragette
to cut out and fiaunt in the face of the
man who says woman should not vote
because she can't fight. 1t goes TO
prove that wars grim front wouldn't
cause her back hair to stand on end.
In a recruiting Office equipped with
mirrors and hairpins a regiment Of
amazons might be recruited in less
than no time
Will woman. crowding men off the
walk in all professions, be foiled in
her efforts to become a soldier boy?
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

The half baked person gets frequent
roastings.
Men don't lie awake nights worrying
about the effect of riches on their char
acter.
Stage fever belongs to the period Of
girlhood, even as scarlet fever belongs
to that of childhood.
Avoid the appearance of evil even IL
you have to call In the police
Some people make a great hustle to
cover up their lack of executive ability.
Folly looks like wisdom when there
Is money in it for you
An optimistic smile is a deadly In
suit to a man with a crouch.
Being cheerful as a matter of bust
ness is quite naturally followed by be-
ing ugly for pleasure.
Much politeness is serious draw
back to truth telling.
While lofty ideals do not draw big
dividends. neither do they pay fine in
the police court
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
ILLINOIS NEWS
chIeaaoan Heads Launarymen

Peoria, March 2o.-Chicago was
awarded the Illinois state laundry
mems convention for 1913 at the clos
ing session here yesterday. March 1s
and 10 were chosen as dates for the
meeting. oficers elected follow:
President. A Barley. Chicago.
Vice President. c. Lagan, Chi.
cago. and W. A, Williams, East St.
Louis.
Secretary-C. II. Atwood, Geneseo.
Treasurer-Gilbert Mccoy. Spring.
field
Sergeentat-arms-C. W. Hayes. Bel
videre.
Executive committee-B. II. onken,
Peoria; Kelly Edwards, Springfield;
W. o. King Blue Island, and J. W.
Grapes. Bloomington.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

Oh, there is plenty of work for
that booster spirit in Rock Island
especially when our time honored
neighbors attempt to sneak across
the creek and steal a whole railroad
division.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

"AH! DON'T LET Us PENCE. LITTLE
WOMAN"
pumps, gradometers, magnetos and
odometers, to the rather old fashioned
man with a fad for the camera bor-
ingly au fait on iris diaphragms and
wide angle lenses, the telephote at
tachment and "hypo' and "solio" print.
Somewhere in between these two
poles of contemplation came the ordi-
nary, wholesome, every day man. Tom
Ormsby, a handsome young widower,
was one of them.
But although he was exceedingly
it could not be said that he was es-
pecially attentive to any one. AT least
not on the first day.
"Heigh ohr' yawned Miss Chase, in
dressing robe and slippers as the maid
brushed out the tawny lengths of her
tresses that first night. well, tomor-
row is another day. Well see if we
can't wake him up bit tomorrow"
Miss Chase was gay, enterprising
beauty, all unused to the dull sensa-
ton Of ineffective charms. And to her
particular way of thinking Tom Orms-
by seemed the only eligible man worth
while in Mrs. Fenton's collection. He
was widower, but what of that?
They always made the best husbands,
did they not? So she said to herself,
Tomorrow"
However, when tomorrow came, so.
also, did another guest. Miss Chase
met her on the staircase as she was
going up to her room after a little chat
with her hostess. There was nothing
unusually pretty about her, yet instinc-
lively Miss Chase turned to look after
the ascending figure.
"Who is she-your new guest" she
asked Of Mrs. Fenton little later
molly Hargraves, a dear old school
friend of mine, just back from the 9th
er side You'll like her lots; every
body does" And Mrs. Fenton was off
to attend to some of her numerous du-
| ties of hostess.
! That afternoon while most of the
guests were playing bridge Mrs. Fen
/ ton, Miss Chase, Miss Hargraves and
Tom Ormsby strolled off for little
ramble through the woods.
"At the top of that slide of rock"
said Ormsby to his hostess, pointing
ahead. "there used to be a little colony
I of white violets. I'm going to look for
| them now"
He sprang up the slaty embankment
'tJust as they were long years ago."
he exclaimed, fetching back a cluster
in his hands He divided the flowers
between the women. As he handed
them to Molly Hargraves Miss Chase
heard him say:
-Do you remember the white violets
IN the myrtle bed by the old springF"
An expression Of tender remem
brance fitted over the girls face. but
she answered with cold precision:
THAT must have been long ago. And
1 have a poor memory"
"Humph" calculated Miss Chase tc
herself, seeming a romance Of by
gone days. "And who would have sus
pected itP'
A heavy rain came on that night and
was the beginning of two days del
uge. 1t was hard on the house party
That dreadful gulf between luncheon
and O'Clock may become impossible
even TO fascinating bridge Their
were many who yawned-
4 Although it had been Mrs. Fentoni
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

oria; James c. Heyworth, Lake For
est; Professor Edward Barlow, Univer-
sity Of Illinois; H. D. Sexton, East St
Louis; Robert P. Cross, Kenilworth;
]. w. Dappert, Tsyiorville: j. c. Nell
wish. Bloomington; Guy Shaw, Boards
town; l. E. Brown. Reevesville.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

A Beardstown paper says that the
sentiment for Cullom is very
strong" 1t must be very strong.
considering that about six months
ago they were holding Indignation
meetings all over the state, denounc-
ing him and asking him to resign.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
A Friend In Need.

"She doesn't like you.''
"why?"
"Says your influence upon her hus-
band is baleful''
that"
"WhyT'
Because 1 bailed him out of Jail
twice last week"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
seuIptor Geta Award

Springfield, March 20.-The special
commission appointed By the last gen.
eral assembly for the purpose of ar
ranging for the erection Of the Ed
wards monument at Edwardsville has
let the contract for the work 10
Charles J. Mulligsn, a Chicago sculp-
10. Us total cost viii not exceed
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

Colonel Roosevelt's very serious
and very lengthy protest against
speaking Of the presidential contest
as a game is very, very funny,
coming from a man whose hat is in
the ring"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

$1,000. The monument was provided
for by the last general assembly as
tribute to the memory of Ninian Ed
wards, first territorial governor OF Il
linois-
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

Who can say that the law OF sup
ply and demand affects prices? A
Missouri maid asks $4,000 for half
a dozen kisses. That smacks of ex-
tortion.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

the good old ship that went farthest
north with hansen and farthest
south with Amundsen will find hon.
orable retirement in Norway.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
Names praInaa. peleaatlon.

Springfield. March 80. Governor
Deneen has named the following dele
gates 70 the national drainage con-
gress which will be held ct New or
leans April 10 70 Is: r r. McCor.
mick. A. Randolph. George W. Wis
neF and W. L Park. Chicago; A. n.
Johnson, Springfield; Arthur W.
Charles. iCsrmi; Jacob A Ha<mon. r.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

Juarez has not been captured for
two weeks. Placid peace once more
reigns in Mexico. They are not
shooting anything but craps there
now
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
Night View.

"As a matter of fact. did you ever
see a purple cow"
Yes; frequently"
"What did it look like?"
"Well. next morning it locked like a
common brown bossy."
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
March 20 In American
History.

16S7-Robert Cavalier La Sale. discov-
erer and explorer in the Mississip-
pi valley. murdered In Texas by
discontinued followers.
17S2-End of the long administration
of Lord North, noted for the loss
of American colonies to Great Brit
ain II began Jan. %. ITO.
1o06-Mrs. A. ID. T. Whitney. author
ess. best known by her stories for
young people. died: born 1924.
Ali the news al the time-Ths
Argus.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

II must be conceded that Blonde
Billy is a charming entertainer-and
he has been as we'll advertised as
any one before the footlights today.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
Steal Mail Pouch from Train.

Peoria, March 2O.-Train No. 26 on
the Rock Island railroad was robbed Of
mail pouch at Bureau Monday
night. The bag was found in a barn
near Bureau Most OF the letters had
been removed. Neither the railroad
ncr the postoface has unearthed any
eiew TO the robbers.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

Now that the adulterated food men
have downed DR. Wiley the people
should prepare TO down them.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

And did you observe what in the
weather line has come among US,
meantime?
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
Ending His Suspense.

'sThe widow promised to give me her
answer tomorrow. Gee, don't see
how can sleep tonightr'
go TO sleep and don't worry, old
chap. She told me when I introduced
you to her that she was going to mar
~ you-"-Houston Post.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

A London scientist says it is human
70 kill an oyster by eating it. But
suppose 1t is fried. broiled or
Ateamed?
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
No Fun In IL.

I'D hate to be bachelor"
"Why?"
"What fun would there be in staying
out half the night then"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

They do say, too, that Billy Lori
mer came 70 Rock Island on a Small
errand.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
Sufficient Reason.

"Going to take the stitch in timer
t'No."
"Why not?"
because have a stitch in my side"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

Did those who went TO scoff at
Billy Lorimer last night, remain to
prsy7
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20
Lona lime Between.

"How the year does fy"'
Seems to drag for me-"
az didn't know you swore of on the
list"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

In congress when he tried to soar
And on injustice frown
30 hard II was to get the floor
He thought it was nailed down.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

All the news al the time-Tha
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-20

Wednesday, March 20, 1912.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1912-08-15

Mrs. Wilcox, who has been here
visiting her con, E. Y. Wilcox /,
left on Monday for her home in
Genoa, III. .
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1912-08-15
Camp Sleeping Outfit.

Camp time and summe time seem
TO pc n and the same thing to- a
great number of persons, and for the
camp there are sleeping outfits OF
cameIs hair velour. These com.
Portable arrangements consist of a
blanket OF it, into which one slips as
into q bag. and is buttoned along the
side and at the foot, and a knit cap
and sleeping shoes, matching in color,
complete the set. 1t is an exceedingly
warm outfit and yet so light to carry
that It a be rolled and added to
ones travelling needs without my ap.
preciahle difference In weight.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1912-08-15

Miss Julia Sweet arrived in
Scotland Monday.
Max Leveson & Son are making
some good offers this week. Read
their ad.
Miss Dorothy Ayers of Yer
million is here visiting the Platt.
lei girls.
Mrs. B. F. Robinson and little
son Max, of lola, Kans., arrived
Tuesday to visit her sister, Mrs.
Mahaney, for a couple of weeks.
R. B. Heinan returned from
Bowman, N. D., the fore part of
this week. He returned to that
place after deciding to locate here,
to settle up his business affairs.
Miss Maude Smith who has
been visiting here for several days
left Tuesday afternoon for Tyn-
dali and on the following day de-.
parted for Cherokee, Ia, where
she will spend a year learning the
dressmakipg trade.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1912-08-15
Nothing Like sv.tam.

'oAs'3 1sNe SyoHoIn.
Don't tell me you can't remember
things!" murmured Jobbs to Dobbs.
Memory is all a mater Of system.
Now. in what year was the Battle of
Agincourt fought?"
Dobbs pleaded that his memory fail
ed him on that interesting historical
fact.
EXACTLY" replied Jobbs. "Now,
how many days are there in q week?"
Seven" came the answer.
Very well. Twice seven are four.
teen. Multiply by a hundred-four-
teen hundred. Number Of days in
June, thirty. Half of thirty, fifteen.
Fifteen and fourteen hundred?"
Fourteen hundred and fifteen"
hazarded, Dobbs.
Right! That's the year Of the bat
tie. System, my boy. That's what
does it-system!"
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1912-08-15
Hutchinson County Fair to be
a Hummer

1t is with pleasure to announce
that our 9Th annual Hutchinson
County Fair will be held at Trip,
s. D., on Sept. 1856.
Therefore, come to the Fair,
bring along the whole family and
let them enjoy a taste of our hos
pitality, I am sure that it will do
us all good.
AS usual the first day of the
Fair will be free to the school
children including the 9Th grade /.
Our new educational building is
now under way of construction and
will be ready by Fair time to re-
ceive the exhibits OF our boys and
girls.
Get ready now, look thru the
premium list, arrange to exhibit
something at the coming Fair, and
if you do not find a premium for
something that you have, which
you may think is worthy of ex-
hibiting, bring it right along. and
a special premium will be provided
and thereby you will help US make
u premium book more complete
for our future Fairs.
Remember that a good collection
at our County Fair will enable us
to make a good showing at the
State Fair, therefore-let US get
together and 9 that every posi-
BILE effort will be made to have all
of the good things of the County
exhibited fat our fair, and by so
doing we will build up a county
fair that will make Hutchinson
county one Of the best known in
this great state.
Our free attractions will be far
better then ever before. We will
have with us, La Mcure Bros,
Those comedy acrobats The
Famous Dnbec's Animal Actors,
dogs, monkeys, cats and rats ;
Sensational De Volo; Cycling the
Aerial Arch on a Bicycle; Races
ball games each day and bands
will render sweet music at all times
for the pleasure Of the crowds.
Come let this be your call from
labor unto rest and recreation.
G. g. Schnepel, Sec.
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1912-08-15

T. D. Wicks went to Huron
Wednesday,
j. l.. MeigheD made a business
trip to Blunt Wednesday.
Will Schmierer and family were
here from Parkston last Sunday.
Miss Augusta Muehmel, who is
teaching in an Indian school at
Lapwa, Idaho, came home last
week to spend her summer vaca-
ton.
Harold Haynes, who has been
spending the summer with his
brothers, Lester and Leroy, at
Belvidere, returned home Wednes-
day.
Coming, Friday and Saturday
nights this week, The Varos- Sing
ers, refined comedy sketch artists,
Novelty Contortion and Acrobatic
Acts Crank" the Oriental RUDE
and Little Grace" the sweet sing
or. Guaranteed to please. This
and two reels moving pictures all
for 10 and 20 cents.
A rather fresh individual from
Calgary, B. c., struck Scotland
last week. He claimed to BIZ a
minister, but his mission here was
to represent a land syndicate of
Calgary. He hadn't been here but
a few days until he began to fall a
victim to the charms of some of
Scotland's young ladies, and be.
ing unable to make much Roadway
himself he prevailed upon q young
man to help him in his quest. Ac-
%cordingly o dapper young man of
the town was rugged up in a charm
ing feminine attire and was intro
duced to him as "Miss Mont.
gomery." A stroll of an hour
through the city park followed, du-
ring which time he pressed his
suit with rather more ardor than
was becoming a man of his pro-
fessed cloth. The "young lady"
finally dismissed him with a pro-
mise to meet him the following
evening. The second date was not
kept, but the Calgary masher de
parted yesterday still happy in the
blissful thought that he had spent
a delightful evening out with one
OF Scotland's bellies.