The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-09-15
Yarns of the Courthouse Gang
No. ABy WELLINGTON vANDIvER

tropic of Capricorn that a woman wouldn. wear, if 1t was fashionable. It's all stuff about men being the lords of creation. Women are the real bosses They will take anything they want. If whiskers was the style for women I would have to shave off mine and turn them over to my wife. The war would be going on now if women had been the soldiers Some women during the war was braver than the men. Why, sir, at the battle Of Frank In
 Right there, let me tell you that t woman Is one of the most wonderful and satisfying dispensations of Divine providence;" interrupted the Back woods Parson," and we fellows over on the Tallypoosy consider her as uncer tain whole lot. You can't gamble on what she will do next. any more than you could bet with safety on the sub sequent actions of a drug clerk suffer ing with del!rium tremens. Men crit ters Is so organized that you can pre- diet what fool caper will come next. but the gentle sect ain't built that way. A young gal will back her judgment to the limit in picking out a husband She won't ask anybody's advice. anc no one dast butt in with storm warn ings-but when it comes to selecting a bonnet. that same female will carry along thirty-two other hens and bullets to the ribbon shop, and spend three anxious days in making up her mind. She will fight rattlesnake in a hol- low log on behalf of anything she loves. and then she will throw thir- teen conniption fits if caterpiller gets down her back.
 It's no use in making list of her con- tradictions. because there is as many of them as hairs on a dogs back but I tell tsg. pI fatI tt,at fftas. t vicissitudes and changing occentricities of the weaker vessel, is what makes us men love them so all-fired constant"
 Aunt Mandy Snodgrass. over in Ran dolph, had wart on her nose, was slight 1y sque-gee-ed on one side, and little out of plumb on the other. She dipped snuff. and she snored in ne- sleep, but that woman acquired five husbands, aId was setting her cap for the sixth when the cyclone struck and scattered sections oCAunt Mandy into portions of Beat and Beat 13 in that county. making A.
 When I was In Memphis" began the sewing machine agent. "there come along q cyclone that was some wind. Methodist choir was practicng for q Easter serv- ice, and it blowed hard that 1T stretched one of the tunes iron Memphis up to Fort Pillow and landed thas whole hymn in a beer barrel through the buLg hole, in a shanty saloon. Slowed key hole right slap into the middle Of plate of hash at a St. Louis hotel and the pro- pretor charged the guest for the whole lock
 I make 1t rule never to exaggerate in the slightest, but believe me. that cyclone blowed all the polish off of a lot of plate glass windows, and turned some of the massive oak trees in the park wrong side outward, like umbrellas. The minute you poled your head out of the door the wind would blow all your hair off, and nobody but bald headed people could venture on the streets. The County Sunday School convention was in session, and Judge Nebuchadnez- ger Banning was addressing them on (b) How to Segashuate the Infant Class" when the wind blew a rain crow down his throat, into his stomach and ever after this. even in the long est drouth. when that bird crowed 1t was just obliged to rain. That cyclone blowed the shoes off the feet of New