The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
BROTHER GARDNER.
He Gives Some Very Good Advice, as
Usual.


There was a look of sadness on
Brother Gardeners face as he arose
and looked up and down the aisles.
Some of the members wondered if he
had lost his dog, and others whispered
that his cucumbers had been nipped
by a frost. The sadness was there as
he began:
MY frens, reckon most of you
have heard de news dat three of de
oldest members of dis club am gwine
to depart from US. 1t brings sadness
to my heart to see 'em depart, but yet
1 know dat dey will be better off.
Brudder Shindig Watkins, will you
please riz up?"
Brother Watkins, you am gwine
cuse to enter into de grocery bust
ness. You am gwine among strangers,
and it's gwine to be make or bust wild
you. If you succeed in climbin' de
dizzy height of success. all will be
well; if you don't succeed, you'll come
out next spring wild chilblalns all ober
you and take your place in de list of
has-beens. Bakase we all wish you
well L want to say a few words to you.
IF you have resolved to run a gro
Gerry business in a strictly he nest man
ner. take back dat resolve nd make
another.
Oar won't be no show for you in
Syracuse or any other town in Amer
lea.
You might git out forty millyon
handbillS, and you might hire forty
brass bands to play befo' your grocery,
and yet you couldn't convince de pub
lie dat you was gwine to glib EN- an
honest deal In desc days de mo- a
man talks of his honesty de less de
public believes in him, and when you
come right down to it 1 don't believe
dat any of us want toy bump up agin
a real honest man. We wouldn't know
how to take him. Oar would be heaps
aheaT- In hi
We'd be mo- apt to wrong him dan to
glib him just praise.
You will open your grocery cal
kerlatin' to make de usual profit, of 20
per cent. You will m1ng1e old eggs
wild de fresh. You will sell Rio coffee
fur Java. You will sell oleomargarine
fur best dairy butter You will sell
35 and so cent tea out of de same
chist. If you kin take eighteen
ounces fur a pound when you buy,
and glib fo'teen ounces fur a pound
when you sell, you will do so, and |
arter the first few days you will be
surprised TO see how eaSy YOUR con-
science am about it.
Nov and den de public will pass
lead nickels and Clipped quarters off
on you. You will hold 'em till a nigh !
soak him wild de hull lot.
IF you have to carry ober two or
three hundred cans of con and toma- |
toes and peaches, it will be easy huff /
EN- off as fresh.
Tn buying vinegar by de barl and
sellin' it by de pint or quart you will |
not forgit to add to it a proper guam |
tity of water. Oar am 96 odder leetle !
tricks practised by de grocer who has |
lmbishun. and reckon you will git on
20 'em in time. Dat will do, Brudder
Watkins You kin sot down, and Ill ,
say a few words to Brudder Amend
ment Green
Brother Green was enjoying a nap
behind the stove, but was aroused and
stood up. and the president said to
aim:
"Brudder Green, you am gwine to !
lie town of Hosford to engage in de
butcher shop business. De residents
IF de enterprisin' town have informed
,ou dat three different butchers have
allied dere in the last two years be-
1ase dey was dishonest. Don't you
believe it. On de odder hand, believe
-at dey had to quit bekase dey was
'ou.
you am aware of de fact, Brudder
Green, dat in buying meat or live
tock you have to buy de bones wild
,uy de horns and hoofs and tail as
veil. In sellin' again you have got
o figger on things.
DE one word dat should cher be
present in your mind am bones. You
lave got to get rid of EN-. De mo
zone you kin sell wild de meat de mo-
hange you kin ring up on your cash
egister.
IT have bought fo'teen ounces of
neat fur pound and 1 has bought 16,
nd arter 1 had sot down and thought
ober it was hard to tell which
butcher I thought de most of. Both
lad de same chance to cheat me, and
'erhaps I felt a leetle contempt fur
q one who didn't take advantage of
ne when de way was open to.
Don't make any purtense of hon
sty. Leave de matter open, SO dat
GU kin take advantage of good
hing when it comes along.
You will make some bad debts.
-ou must expect dat and fgger ac-
ordingly-dat is, you must figger on
e good customers payin' up de debts
fde bad.
Don't assert yourself too much,
nd don't be too retirin'. If you am
DO conspicuous you will be asked to
ontribute SIS to cherry Fo'th of July
if you am too retirin' you ,
Ton't be asked to hold de stakes in a
ection bet
Oats about all, Brudder Green, and {
GU may sot down while I remark a ]
ew remarks to Brudder Absolute
White
The one sat down and the other stood :
p. and the latter was addressed with: |
''Brudder White. you have fallen :
sleep at cherry meein' of dis club fur I
ears and slept frew de fun purceedin's. /