The Lemmon herald. (Lemmon, Perkins County, S.D.) 1912-1917, 1912-11-29

Thirsty Mans Craving For Drink
and His Dossed Persistence In At
aempting to Satisfy II.
One Of the old time humorous writ
ers was "Sparrowgrass." and the fol
lowing account of his adventure with
dumb waiter gives good idea OF his
amusing style:
One evening Mrs. s. had retired.
and was busy writing when 1t struck
me glass Of ice water would be pal
atable So | took the candle and a
pitcher and went down to the pump
Our pump ia In the kitchen. A coun
try pump in the kitchen Is more con
venient. but a well with buckets Is GER
tainly most picturesque. Unfortunate
ly our well water has not been sweet
since It was cleaned out
First | had to open a boIted door
that let's you into the basement hall.
and then ! went to the kitchen door,
which proved to he locked Then | re,
membered that our girl always car.
ried the key to bed with her and slept
with 1t under her pillow Then re
traced my steps. holted the basement
door and went up into the dining room
AS is always the case. | found when
could not get any water | was thirStier
than supposed was, Then
thought | would wake our girl up.
Then I concluded not to do 1t. Then
I thought Of the well. but gave that
up on account Of its flavor. Then
opened the closet doors. There was no
water there. Then thought of the
dumb waiter, The novelty of the idea
made ma smile | took ont two of the
movable shelves. stood the pitcher on
the bottom OF the dumb waiter got I'm
myself with the lamp. let myself down
until I supposed ! was within foot
Of the floor below and then let go.
We came down so suddenly that
was shot out Of the apparatus as If it
had been catapult 1t broke the
pitcher extinguished the lamp and
landed me In the middle of the kitchen
at midnight, with no fire and the air
not much above the zero point The
truth is ! had miscalculated the dis
tance Of the descent Instead Of falling
one foot. had fallen five. My first
impulse was to ascend by the way !
came down. but | found that imprac-
ticable Then tried the kitchen door.
1t was locked. tried to force 1t open
1t was made of two inch stuff and held
its own. Then hoisted window.
and there were the rigid iron bars. II
ever felt angry at anybody IL was at
myself for putting up those bars to
please Mrs Sparrowgrass. | put them
up not to keep people In. but to keep
people out.
laid my cheek against the ice cold
barriers and looked at the sky. Not
star was visible. 1t was as black as
Ink overhead Then made a noise.
shouted until | was hoarse and ruined
That brought our dogs out In full bark.
and between ns we made the night
hideous. Then thought ! heard
voice and listened 1t was Mrs. Spar
rowgrass calling TO me from the top
of the staircase | tried to make her
with howl and growl and bark. so as
to drown my voice. which is naturally
plaintive and tender Besides, there
were two bolted doors and double deaf
ened floors between us. How could she
recognize my voice. even II she did
hear It?
Mr. Sparrowgrass called once or
twice and then got frightened The
next thing | heard was a sound as IL
the roof had fallen In, by which ! un-
derstood that Mrs. Sparrowgrass wls
springing the rattle. That called out
our neighbor, already wide awake He
came to the rescue with bull terrier.
q Newfoundland pup. lantern and
revolver. The moment he saw me at
the window he shot ut me. but fortu
nately just missed me. threw myself
under the kitchen table and ventured
to expostulate with him, but he would
not listen to reason. In the excite
ment | had forgotten his name. and
that made matters worse. 1t was not
until he had reused up every body
around, broken In the basement door
with an ak. got into the kitchen with
his cursed savage dogs and shooting
iron and seized ME by the collar that
he recognized me. and then he wanted
me to explain 1t! But what kind OF an
explanation could | make to him?
told him he would have to wait until
my mind was composed and then |
would Let him understand the matter
fullv