Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-11-02
lat the End Of the Rainbow.
Too Many Visitors.
By WALT MASON.
Too Many Visitors.
By WALT MASON.

mother have come to visit her While,
remarked the druggist.
| eyes, and there ought to be Law
against that sort of thing commented
the village patriarch. IF Mrs. SPIN
ach were the right sort of woman She
| take the broom to her aged parents ant
| chiyy them off the lot. She knows tina
her husband ruins pair OF suspenders
every day trying to keep the wolf from
| the door, He has chance to breae
even when he has only his own family
to provide for, but when every kindred
every tribe of his wifes relatives camI
down on him the odds against him are
! too great. l have no doubt that Mrs
| Spinach provides her parents with the
best of everything in the house. iced
| ing them all the delicacies of the sea
son, and making them sleep on doWny
beds Of ease. Hospitality is a sacred
thing to her, even if it results in ship
wreck for her husband.
This thing Of visiting lays desolate
more hearths than anything else in the
world. The visitor who is expected is
bad enough. but there are In this world
several million idiots who think 1t quite
cunning and humorous to surprise their
friends and relatives. blowing in for a
visit when nobody is looking for them.
don't believe that any American jury
would convict the husband and father
who took an ak and beheaded the aleck
who comes with a lot OF trunks and
handbags to stay two or three weeks
or months or years, as the case may be.
Had my third wife been alone in
to this day. and our house would be the
abode of peace and happiness. She
was a thoroughly good woman and an
admirable wife. but she had more rela-
%otf inio nnt1nf in
three weeks. She had more aunts than
the law allows. and most Of them were
old maids who were fond Of tortise-shell
cats and who were always knitting socks
deep-rooted prejudice against aunts, I'M
less they recognize their proper sphere
and stay in it. But few aunts will do
that. 1 don't know just why, but an
aunt seems to take proprietary interest
in her nephews and nieces. and she wants
to order their lives and regulate things
generally.
1T is different with uncles. They
usually are humble and mindful of
death. If an uncle comes to your house
| the chances are he will be shy and I'M
obtrusive and will spend most of his time
in the cellar. where he can't bother any
body. But If your aunt visits you, es-
pecially If she is maiden aunt. she
insists upon doing all the talking, she
criticises everything and everybody, and
finally makes such a nuisance of herself
that her nephew by marriage mixes some
paris green in her stewed prunes and
She crawls under the barn and dies.
well. my wife's aunts fairly kept the
road hot coming to our house. There
was one of them in particular. Aunt
Martha, who gave me the jumping tri-
angles. She was a solemn old thing, with
unshed tears in her eyes. and her mouth
full of morals. No matter what happened
or what was said. she'd extract a moral
lesson from it. She was the sort of
woman who, if she had been a man,
would have worn sidewhiskers She usu-
ally came along late in the fall and hung
around until Christmas. and she spoiled
the whole Kris Kringle business for me-
That woman wrecked our happy home
and parted two loving hearts. AS have
said, my wife was good woman, but she
considered 1t a moral duty to entertain
her aunts SO long as we had a roof
argued the matter time and time again
with her, but We never could come to an
understanding. Finally I offered a COM
promise that to this day 1 consider fair
even generous I agreed to stand for
all the other aunts and cousins and step
sisters and such cattle If she would con-
sent to bar Aunt Martha No man could
make a more reasonable proposition, but
that infatuated woman couldn't see it,
She said it would be wicked to dscrimi-
nate against poor Aunt Martha. United
we stand. divided we fall was her motto
where her relatives were concerned
$50 / was obliged to send her back to
her parents, and palu her railway fare
out of my own pocket. Aunt Martha
was expected the next day, and 1 went to
the train to tell her that We had broken
up housekeeping and gone our separate
ways, and it was all her fault. It did
me good to read the riot act to her, and
for once she couldn't think of a suitable
moral"