davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
SAYS UNCLE CIV

I don't take much stock in any mans
talk of equality who wants to level
down, but I'm willing to take a
chance with the fellow who wants to
level up. I've never been able to get
any satisfaction out of the fact that
somebody is worse off than 1 am, and
I've yet to worry because somebody
has more. I've a pretty definite idea
of what I want and how much, and il
1 can get it I'll be happy. And l do
not expect to getsit by leveling down.
I'd rather get it by leveling myself UP
to the man who is where 1 want to he.
For my own little part, Rockefeller
is welcome to his millions Emperor
William may continue to boss Ger
many for all that I care. 1t doesn't
make me sad to know that some men
own strings of railroads while I own
none It wouldn't make me any hap
pier if John D. were a pauper, Wilhelm
a chimney-sweep and the Goulds had
peanut stands. I just want a little
more of my own-that'S all.
We waste a lot of energy on our
mean dispositions. Envy burns up
more red blood than courage. Ordi
narily, the fellow who wants to make
all men equal by taking away from
who isn't doing anything to better
his own lot If it has ever occurred
to him that the way to bring about
equality is to build himself and his
neighborS up, rather than subtract
from the fortune of the man across
the street, he'd be having a lot of fun
hustling rather than stewing himself
into the milligaubs over the fire of
envy.
You cannot make the world better
by making anybody in it worse Off
You can't improve your own lot
merely by dispensing that which an
other has won. you've got to win
other has won. You've ragged it
won't help you for the rest of the
world to go naked. And when you
spend your time and energy he Wiling for
equality by the leveling down route
you merely classify yourself as a most
unhappy sort of Ounce. Copyright,
1912, by w. E. WiIliams)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

[From the Chicago News.1
1t is always the open season for killing
time.
The smaller the bribe the greater the
disgrace.
How much does it cost you each year
to be sarcastic?
1t is human nature to blame others for
most of our meanness.
The small boy by any other name would
be just as strenuous.
One good term deserves another-as any
officeholder will tell you.
Very soon after some engagements are
announced they are denounced.
The average excuse is so thin that even
blind man ought to see through 1t.
Many a young mans interest in all
.-eiress is the kind that looks like s per
cent.
As a matter of fact. there isn't any one
on earth today who is better than you
should be-
A man is mt necessarily crooked because
he walks as if he were following the line
of a rail fence.
Every time a man sees a fashion plate
in a woman's magazine he is glad that
his wife doesn't look anything like it,
A girl should never marry until she is
fully competent to support a husband,
and then shA shouldn't marry that kind
of a man.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
WHERE COU.
HUNOR or THE DIP

II hear she married beneath her"
nor" Fact. Her husband plays a nil
cradle game Of bridge."-LouisviIle Cour-
ier-JournaL
1t is claimed that Fortune favors III.
brave, but we would all be brave IL we
really believed it.-Puck.
Necessities.-Smith-I didn't know ,,o,,
owned a motor car; why these auto cog
giles? smyth-My wife has hatpinS'-
Puck.
Then He Found out--Festive Individual
is thish inquiry offisch? Clerk-Yes. sir
Festive Individual-Well. ish my hat on
shtraight?-London Opinion.
We are strictly forbidden TO receive tins,
but I don't like to refuse such a oharnr,,,
ing woman Observation-Disclosures BIaetter
A Sad Meeting.-'I think we met =,
this cafe last winter. Your overcoat is
very familiar to me-" But I dfdn't 49,
It then" mo; but I didi''NFTiesen%d e
Blaetter.
Fortune Teller-You wish 20 know sor,e-
thing about your future husband Gus
tomer-No. don't. / want to know about
the past of my present husband.-Boston
Transcript.
His Proverb.-''There's a proverb that
fits every man" What one fits rne7s'
E" To whom God gives ofrice, he also
gives brains But I have no oftiee's
'Wen?''-Cleveland Leader.
your wife and Mrs Exc are not on speak
ing terms" It's so, confound It! And
it is going to cost me money" Indeed
In what way? Oh; my wife now pro-
she can snub Mrs. Exc by not fnvitinr
her."-Boston Transcript
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

know what he suffered" she cried.
and when her mother found her one
night weeping in the darkness of her
room, '.Oh. mother, please be sorry
for me-
And her mother gathered her close.
and said, 'I can't be as sorry as l
and that is the most wonderful thing
that can happen to a woman"
But that night the little mother
wrote a letter.
don't punish her any more. I knew
that if you went away she would wake
up. That is why I told you to go:
Come back. come back now-but hold
your own-for the man who groves
at the feet of a woman must expect
her to trample on his heart
A month later Kathleen in the twi-
light was playing the old song which
has such a sobbing cadence.
'In the cleaning, oh, my darling.
When the lights are dim and low
And the quiet shadows creeping,
Softly come and softly go.
''When the winds are sobbing family,
With gentle, unknown woe,
Will you think of me, and love me,
AS you did once long ago?"
Her fingers left the keys and her
head went down on her arms.
Then in the stiffness she heard
voice.
Kathleen"
Donald" She sat up. listening.
81 have come back
His voice seemed to sound from the
center of the room, but in the dark
ness she could see nothing.
Donald" She CROPPED her way to-
ward the voice, and suddenly she was
in his arms.
ct shall never let you 60" he said,
masterfully, as he bent his head to
kiss her.
She tried to regain her old domin-
ion over him. "You must leave it to
me to say whether you shall go or
stay she said.
He laughed. "You shall have moth
ing to do with it, Kathleen" he told
her. "You may think 1 am a cave man
or a savage, but anything is better
than being a slave. And Ina going to
carry you off and marry you whether
you say yes or no., sweetheart. And
If you don't come willingly, I'm going
to pick you up and put you on a horse
in front of me, and run away with
you.''
Then she laughed. ooh, I should
love that. Donald. What do I care
where I go, so that I go-with your"
1912, by Associated
Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
GLOBE SIGHTS
By THE ATCH1sON GLOBE.

woman's idea of economy is to go Wis
ltfng on her vacation.
Having plenty of time and no money is
a serious form of hard luck.
It must disappoint pessimist to find
things never as bad as he expected
Women can't throw very straight bur
they shoot well enough when a man is
the target.
When men talk" about men it gener-
ally is because they have neglected to pay
their dues
A town hasn't fully squeezed into the
city class until Society begins to interfere
with a mans work.
What has become of the old-fashioned
woman who said her favorite novels were
founded on facts?
Instructions would be more generally
successful if so many of the rebels didn't
insist being generals.
Il have my fool streaks, but starting a
fight between my pride and my corns in
a pair of tight shoes isn't one of them"
-Rufe Hoskins-
Fashion note: One chic new bonnet
looks like o. f. ink bottle with a quill
pen in it. At least, it looks that way in
the fashion plates.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
THE TELEPHONE GTRL.

The Telephone Girl sits still in her chair
And listens to noises from every where;
She hears all the gossip, she hears all
the news,
She knows who is happy, and who has the
She knows all our SORROWS. she knows all
our joys
She knows every girl that is chasing the
boys
She knows of our troubles she knows of
our strife
She knows every man that talks mean
to his wife;
She hears the excuses each fellow en-
ploys
She knows every woman that has dark
past,
She knows every man that's inclined to
be fast.
In fact there's a secret meath each saucy
curl
OF that quiet, demure looking Telephone
If the Telephone Girl would tell what she
knows
1t would turn half our friends into
bitterest foes;
She would SOW small wind that would
soon be gale
Engulf us in trouble and land us in jail
She could let go a story, which gaining In
force,
Would cause half our wives to sue for
divorce;
She could get all the churches mixed up
in fight;
Turn all our days into sorrowing nights;
In fact she could keep the whole world
in a stew
If she'd tell a tenth part of the things
that she knew.
Oh. brother! now does not your head
When you think what you owe the tele-
phone girl?
Oakley Graphic.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
Irish Women in the Field.

Hunting absorbs keen sportswomen
in Ireland just now, and 1T is seldom
that a frost drives the Irish follower
to hounds from the countryside. Irish
women are renowned for their fearless
prowess in the hunting field, where the
terrible obstacles to be negotiated call
for nerves Of steel, and 1t Is neck or
The fearsome stone walls, some
times overgrown with turf, and max
ing a brook. appall all but the stout
est hearts, and even the most harden
ed sportswoman is known to quail at
the commencement of the hunting sea-
son, experiencing the sensation or the
heart in the mouth when called upon
to face the stiff going. She finds her
nerve returning, however, after q day
or so in the saddle.
The late empress of Austria used to
hunt regularly in Ireland, where her
reckless and brilliant horsemanship is
still spoken of. With the late Bay
Middleton to give her lead, she was
always in the first flight and stuck at
nothing. The famous happy-go-lucky
hospitality that marks the Irish tenn
permanent is exemplif1ed in matters
those having accommodation in a good
hunting district.
Every Irishman is a true sportsman,
and the whole neighborhood turns out
for a meet, those unable to raise
mount following on foot or driving in
every sort of vehicle, some rare ante
diluvian specimens seeing the light of
day on such occasions.
The Irish colleen will dance all
night at a hunt ball. and turn up at a
distant meet as fresh as paint, with
out going to bed at all. full of life and
spirit, with wit and repartee bubbling
like a fount. The Irish country brings
out all the daredevil Irish nature, and
there is little searching for gaps or
gates when the blood of Irish horse
and rider is up.
ireland is not over represented in
the matter of hunting; and Irish packs
are not by any means numerous, and
may be reckoned to number couple
of dozen. Some only possess quite a
restricted number of couples, and but
few hunt four or five days a week
though an occasionally by day may
bring the total up. The Meath hunts
five days week, and is one of the IA
nous hunts of the United Kingdom,
and the County Galway. the Blazers,
has four days a week.-London Daily
Graphic
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
JOURNAL ENTRIES

A mans reputation with others is
seldom what he thinks it is.
K x 4
Any old kind of a ride is joy ride
if congenial company is along.
X V
All men are equal, in all probable
ity, in the number of their peculiar
tiles.
X
One fault with doctors is that they
are always advising poor patients to
quit work and take a trip to Europe.
4
Not few folk insist on going ahead
even after they have discovered that
they have started in the wrong direc-
ton.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.

[From the Philadelphia Record.I
Opportunity comes but once, but Trouble
plays a continuance performance.
Mrs. Biffen-"When I die maybe you
will realize how good I've been to you
would appreciate that
Dink-"Do you think there as many
lovesick young men as there used to be?"
Gink-''Sure. They are still putting up
candy at two dollars a pound"
Fat Lady-"This gown doesn't seem to
fit me at ALL Can't you make me lool:
like that slender blonde model over
there?" Tailor-'+Im afraid not, madam.
We don't dare compete with Nature
Poor Willies face is pale and sad and
mist is in his eye; a wurser pain he never
had and he thinks he's going to die: his
mother starts right in to nurse and brings
the juniper tar, but daddy smiles for he
felt worse when he smoked his first cigar.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

Action has been taken by the United
States senate which puts it in a posi-
ton TO deny any charge that it is not
consistently inclined occasionally, at
least Not so long ago it emasculated
the momentous arbitration treaties
projected by President Taft. Just re-
Gently it has added s7.5OO,OOO to the
army appropriations of the house of
representatives. This brings the pro-
posed total of these appropriations for
the maintenance of the army for one
short year to s93,30O.O00 It is near
ly 100000 in excess of the army ap-
preparations for last year. Maintaining
peace by being prepared for war is
certainly an expensive folly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

When Jack Johnson was in Eng
land he said he liked that country
much better than he did the United
States because he was treated with
more consideration and respect there
by the people generally. Now that
a committee of Free Masons has de-
cided he is not entitled to member
ship in their order because of irregu-
larities in his initiation by one of the
lodges, Jack will probably have an
equally poor opinion of the British.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
DAFFYDHS
BY u. NOALL.

If frankfurters are sausage is Abra-
ham2
(Four balls! Take your base.)
1t may take nine tailors to make g
man but it only taRes one Baker tc
make a batter?
(Slide you rummy, slideii)
If they make car wheels out of pa
per you wouldn't have to call it sta
tionery engine would you?
CThief! Robert! Kill the umpire!!)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

That plan of the French railways
to do away with "a. M" and "p. M"
designations of the arrival and depar-
ture of the trains by numbering the
hours of the day from 1 to "a from
midnight until midnight, ought to re-
suit, at least, in making the time
tables a little more ineligible.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

Evidently Colonel Roosevelt has
come to a realization that Governor
Stubs was whispering through his
hat when he promised to deliver the
Kansas delegates to the Chicago con-
vention hOg-tied and properly labeled.
The colonel has suddenly made up his
mind to come to Kansas for a whirl-
wind tour of the congressional dis
tricts that are not certain to select
Taft delegates.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

IFrom the New York Press.l
The bigger the brag the smaller the fact
behind it.
A woman's faith is that anybodys
made-over gown is perfectly evident -ex-
cept her own.
The way for a man to believe in the
principles of his political party is not to
know what they are.
Some girls are so clever at making eyes
they could do it if they didn't have any
eyes to do it with.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

This is lese majestic in an aggravat-
ed form, or something of the sort.
The co-eds at the University of Kan
sas have selected an Oklahoma girl to
be their May queen. Suppose the boys
at the university had taken any such
action. Well, it's impossible to fmag-
inc just what would have happened.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

It appears that when there is a lull
in war talk for the European news
paper men to gossip about; when
there are no disturbances from vol
canoes or earthquakes; when there
are no famines and pestilences to at
tract their attention for the moment,
some one of them who is inclined to
be overly energetic sends oft a re-
port that the pope is dead.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

As a qufck-action chief executive.
Governor Wilson seems to be in a
class by himself. When he returned
to New Jersey recently for a change
Of linen, there were 90 odd bills that
had been passed by the legislature
awaiting his consideration. He dis
posed of all of them in less than two
working days, vetoing no less than ss
Of them. Then he hiked to richer and
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

This much is certain. Many of the
candidates for the presidential nomi-
nation are at least getting experiences
that ought to be valuable to them if
they intend TO remain in politics.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

Some statistics have been gathered
to show that bull-fighting in Spain is
less brutal and deadly than football in
this country. So is duelling in France
for that matter
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

Those people who are ever insisting
that the world is not progressing as
it should have something now in the
way of material on which to base their
claims. Marathon contests have been
revived in the east.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

The Arkansas Democrats treated
him badly enough by giving their sup
port almost unanimously to Champ
Clark. And there was no need for
them to rub it in by insisting on re-
ferring to him as Professors Wilson.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

Present indications are that Kan
sas will proceed to enjoy a year with
out anything that savors of a spring
season. The weather seems to have
jumped in one fell swoop from winter
tn summer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

Kansas City's school teachers have
organized a league. AS it is not of
the baseball variety. it probably won't
attract much attention until next win
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15
FROM OTHER PENS
A NATIONAL LAUNDRY


uncle sam has gone into the laun-
oIy business, but not in competition
Win VIII i, the Heather Chinee. The
WaShy-Washy' plant is for the Dur-
pose of transforming dirty money in
TO crisp, clean bills, thus saving to the
treasury fully a million dollars a wear.
very naturally the people want clean.
money although few were ever know
TO reject 1t no matter what the degree
or filth that might cover it Money
is said to be the most prolific accumu-
lator of disease germs in existence.
ana scientists believe. that thousands
OF cases OF contagion have been dis
seminated through this medium. But
uncle Sam has begun the laundering
or money to stop the waste OCCASION
ed by the redemption of bills before
they have been entirely worn out
The machines perfected in the bu-
reau OF engraving and printing are ex-
pected to save 60 per cent of the hills
sent in for redemption, and the chief
launqerer declares that dirty bill
can be made as good as new in two
minutes, and at this rate 1t is expected
tnat the washery will be able to han
die $4,000 every working day. 1t
Will cost but 20 cents to wash and iron
1000 bills
In view of the fact that unclean
money is blamed for spreading dis
ease this National laundry ought TO
pc a direct blessing, in fact a contri-
butfon to public health. While the peo-
pie will continue to pocket all the
money that they are capable of OBJ
tanning without subjecting it to a mi
croscoptc test for germs, they will.
nevertheless welcome the appearance
of a larger supply of clean Iucre'-
Pittsburg Post.
WHERE COURAGE Is NEEDED.
We read with little surprise that
Nassar IS thinking of giving up it's ia
nous daisy chain" custom. That the
institution inspires envy and jeaIousv
on the part of those left off the
chain" is hardly to be doubted. but
the real wonder to us is that there
lives in this wide, wide world anyone
with the physical and moral COURAGE
to select the twenty-four prettiest girls
from a class of ESQ. Being a fudge at
a baby show is task requiring nerves
Of steel and rare diplomacy but II IS
as nothing compared to the task of
Judging "grown-up girl" show
Boston Transcript,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

Senator Bristow thinks the pee
pull should read the Congressional
Record, but although Sen. BristoW is
the champion local and long distance
asker. he is asking too much this
time.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-15

Because, although some people
even read the Ladies' Home Choinal
there is a limit to arid literature,
even in dry state.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1912-02-08
AmuSomontS
ORPHEUM

There is a complete change Of pro-
gram at the Orpheum theater for the
last half of the week commencing this
evening. Hillman and Roberts sup
ply the vaudeville number and their
act has been highly commended at
other towns over the circuit. Their
work is said to be out of the ordinary
run. George Cohan's song, THE Lob
ster and the Wise Guy" Is nicely
handled, and the dancing OF Miss Hill
man is said to be a scream. The pic
ture program consists of practically
all comedy features, including the
Ruling Passion" in which, the two
Juvenile performers for the Blograph
company, Kenneth Casey and Adeline
DEGRADE, produce the result Of the
youngsters visit to the theater. "The
Roundup at Dawn" is Kalem
western comedy, and "The Culture OF
the Dahlia" is an interesting Pathe
educational subject, showing how the
experienced horticulturist cultivates
his dahlias. Ethel Moore Bauer, the
song illustrator, appears In a new
number and there g complete pro
gram Of orchestra music. 80, -
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1912-02-08
joking Friends In Old Days.

In a romantic and picturesque old
hall in Derbyshire, in England, Is one
of those curious relics Of bygone times
which carry the mind back to the hab-
its and customs Of our great-great-
grandfathers. 4 handcuff looks a
strange thing to be fixed to the screen
Of the banqueting hall of a baronial
mansion, but one Is there. When the
banquet had advanced toward its ze-
NTH, If any gentleman among the
guests refused to drink the full guam
tity that was deemed the proper thing
at that time he was merrily Carried to
the oak screen and placed with his arm
appraised and secured and locked IN
that position by the iron ring. His
sleeve, then wide open. offered a tempt
Ing receptacle for the wine which he
had refused to drink, and the contents
Of the goblet, with as much more as
the roisterers thought flt. were poured
down the unlucky victims arm. and
woe be to him If he did not take the
Joke in the spirit in which 1t was CIV
en-.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1912-02-08
Snake Bites In Siam.

Great numbers Of Siamese die every
year of snake bites. On being bitten
the victim simply lies down and sue
cumbs. The deaths are most numer-
Gus during the rice planting season.
when the people are working In the
fields, for the season is coincident
with the nesting time Of the cobra.
which will then attack human beings
without hesitation if they happen near
the nest. The cobra will also bite un-
der water. There are fifty-two varie-
ties of snakes in Siam, the majority
of them being venomous. In size they
range from the thirty foot python to
the deadly little earth snake six inches
in length. The following is Siamese
prescription for snake bites, on the
theory that. like cures like. it Is to be
presumed: Bone Of goose, tail OF fish.
bones Of domestic pig, bones OF Wild
boar, bones Of a peacock, the head OF
q yenomous snake. Pound to q pow
der, mix, dilute with plenty OF water
and take in quantities.-Good Health.