davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1912-11-21

- =
terested In your advertising.
and how you can make it en-
large your business.
II you try this method ~
believs you will not want 70
lst . single issus Of this paper
60 to press without something
from your store.
We win Be pleased to HAYS
you call On W, and ~ win
take pleasure In explaining
or annual con tract for %
many inches, and how II can b
ssed in whatsvsr amount that
seems necessary to you.
II you can sell goods ovsr
the counter ~ can also show
you why this papsr viii best
ssrvs your interests when you
vant 70 reach the psopls q
tAis community.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1912-11-21

Taken at His Word.
He said. I've never kissed maid
simply couldn't brook it,
And those who heard him talking sayed.
BY Joye old chap. you look it!''
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1912-11-21

His Mother Did you get any marks
! in school today?
Tommy--Yes SIN; but you couldn't
see 'em unless went In swimming.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Insurance and Hymen.

Grasse, a German authority on race
biology and life insurance, in a recent
number of the Journal for Life In
uranc Examiners, is of the opinion
that life insurance may be made to
play an important part in the proven
ton of the union in marriage of sick
ly or otherwise unsuitable individu-
ais. He holds that the public should
be educated to expect that every
prospective bridegroom and bride be
insured before marriage; If insurance
were denied to either one it should
be necessary to prove to the parents
of the bride Or bridegroom, as the
case might be, that the grounds for
the refusal Of insurance were not
equally strong grounds against enter
ing into the married state. Grasse
says If this custom should become
universal life insurance would become
a great factor in the preservation of
the strength and health of the race.
Evidently Germany is doing some good
thinking in other lines than in merely
developing the commerce of the ma
ton, and has a most practical way
o. presenting the cas in insurance as
well as in other lines. 1.-THE proper
study of mankind is man."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
METHOD OF KEEPING YOUNG
Remarkably Sound Advice for the
Woman Who Has Some Years
of Life to Her Credit.

h way to ward off old age is not
to fear it, not to allow ones self to
be oppressed by the dread Of advanc-
ing years. Use only legitimate pre-
ventives and avoid trying experiments
with preparations not Endorsed by
physicians. Do not wear toilettes In
tended for young girls, they only add
years to the appearance. Keep up
your interest in the young, but do not
envy them. Retire with dignity from
the struggle, do not pose as your
daughters rival. Above all, surround
your life with sweet, true affections
which prevent the heart from growing
bitter. Do not lose interest in the
growing events Of the day; do not fail
behind the times and do not harp on
and better days. To those who
come to you for advice be always kind
and sympathetic. AS you advance in
years preserve carefully your personal
appearance, for one lost 1t may not
be regained say by strenuous effort.
Your costumes should be simple and
unpretentious, yet graceful. These
rules, carefully and sensibly followed,
will keep you young and attractive
Exchange.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
ITCHING ECZEMA ON HANDS

Eczema began on the second Joint
OF my thumb on my left hand. Sew
eral blisters came which soon broke
and water oozed from them. Then
the terrible itching began, and the &C.
zema came in blotches on both hands.
Sometimes the skin would seem to
break, and gave the appearance of
being cut, and blood came out Of them.
1t was very bad when 1 consulted a
physician. l was treated for several
months, but grew worse ali the time.
Then it came in my face. I suf-
fered more than I could describe from
the itching and burning. I became
nearly a wreck physically. Then
consulted another physician and was
treated by him for some time when
he finally advised the Cuticura Rem
edies. I began improving after the
first treatment and was cured after
taking the Resolvent and using the
C%uticura Soap and Ointment. That
was fifteen years ago, and I have
never been troubled with it since.
i W my cure to the Cuticura
Remedies and would be thankful to
1mpart any help to others. l have just
advised a lady friend who is suffering
with eczema on her face and neck, to
try the Cuticura Remedies. She has
been treated by a physician for some
time without relief" (Signed) Mrs.
L. c. Warmer, Lincoln, Del, Dec. Is,
1910. Although Cuticura Soap and
Ointment are sold everywhere, a sam
pie Of each, with 32-page book, will
be mailed free on application to
"Cuticura," Dept. Is X, Boston.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
BEST TRICK NOT IN THE AIR
Aviator Was Clever at His Work,
but Shone Best In Another
Line of Endeavor.

Henry M. Nicely, the aviator poet of
Philadelphia, said at a recent banquet
at the Bellevue-Stratford:
Eyes, it is true that it takes a lot
Of money to become an airman. You
can't get an aeroplane and you can't
learn to fly without plenty Of cash"
Mr.. Nicely smiled.
II was watching a brother airman
making a volplane the other day
when l heard a young lady say:
"He car do a lot of tricks, can't
her
eyes. o bet he can her compan-
ion agreed.
What is his best trick?' she con
tinued.
Ellis best trick. far and away was
the reply, is buying a biplane on cred
1t. He's done it twice now, and
shouldn't be surprised to see him pull
it off a third time before he breaks<his
neck"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05

A Richmond darby CHANGED to meet
on the street a friend who complain
ed Of much "mis'ry." Indeed, the af-
flicted one was in despair, so tucker
cred out" was he.
"Wot seems to be de matter?" asked
the first negro.
"Jim," said the other with a moan
and a gesture indicating the portion
of his anatomy that was giving him so
much trouble, Use got sech awful
pains in nah back heahl"
Jim assumed an air of great solem-
nifty and wisdom. I'm dat case" said
he, "dere's only n thing fo' you to do.
Jes' yo' put yo'self in de hands O. dat
Doctah Blank. 1 hears dat he's de
finest backteriologist in de whole
souf."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Drink and Poverty

Many excellent but rather confused
persons are constantly asserting that
the poor are driven to drink through
their poverty. The spirit in which
they announce this is the Indication
that they believe 1t. But how can it
be? People who have none to spend
on drink are not poor-drink is one of
the costliest mixtures in the worlds
market, and many well-to-do people
cannot afford to buy it. Surely those
who are able to purchase it have no
cause for their poverty. If they can
expend their means on the dearest
and worst articles, they have evident
ly ability to buy the best things. 1t
is a marvel how people of average
capacity do not realize this apparent
fact. Few people grudge to deal kind
lyswith the poor, and to assist them in
their poverty; but this spurious sym
pathy referred to does not neip, But
binders, betterment.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
A HEALTHY.
HAPPY OLD AGE

May be promoted by those who
gently cleanse the system, now and
then, when in need Of a laxative
remedy. by taking a desertspoonful
Of the ever refreshing, wholesome
and truly beneficial Syrup Of Figs
and Elixir Of SIENNA. which is the
only family laxative generally APP
proved by the most eminent ply
sicians, because it acts in a natural.
Strengthening way and warns and
tones up the internal organs without
weakening them. Its equally bene6-
hcialfor the very young and the mid
die aged, as tits always efficient and
free from all harmful ingredients. To
get its beneficial effects it is always
necessary to buy the genuine, bear
ing the name Of the Company
California Fig Syrup Co.--plainly
printed on the frontof everypackage.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Poor Sophia,s Case.

DR.. Ronald H. Curtis, the well-known
z%oologist, said in a recent lecture in
Charleston:
Il take no stock in all these yarns
about the d~isinterested affection Of
animals. An animals affection is
parasitic-your dog loves you because
you feed it. Analyze these yarns about
animal affection, and they turn out
like Sophia's case.
There was a rich old maid who had
an ill-natured cur named Sophia. The
old maid died, leaving her fortune to
her nephew, who had lived with her.
l met the nephew one day, and ven
tured to offer him my sincere SYM
pathy. He said:
Eyes, it's sad. And the morning
after my aunt's decease the dog, So
phia, also died.
"fGrief, l suppose?' said 1. !,
"tNo,' said he; 'prussic acid"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
ALCOHOL IS NOT NUTRIMENT
Depressing Agent Cannot Logically
Be Regarded as Food, Declares DR..
Charles E. dem. Sajous.

On the long debated question of
CHASING alcohol as a food substance,
DR.. Charles E. dem. Sajous, profess
sor of therapeutics in Temple univer-
sity, delivers the following opinion
(Monthly Cyclopedia and Medical Bull
letin, July, 1910:
IF alcohol were a food, large doses
would prove more profitable to the
organism than small mes but the re-
verse is the case; large doses in
hibit all activities that would be en-
HANGED by a liberal use of food. The
facilitating action Of alcohol on the
nervous system, for example, has been
demonstrated by Bunge, SCHNEIDER
berg, Ach, Kraepelin and others.
while Dogiel found that it markedly
depressed both motor and sensory
nerve centers. 1t does this not only
with nervous tissue but with all It's
sues. A depressing agent cannot log
ically be regarded as a food"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Fault Findino Does Mo cood

1t is always better to help others
to criticize themselves than it is to
criticize them. They will believe
themselves; they are not likely to be-
lieve you. The way to bring about
this healthy and helpful condition OF
self criticism, with its accompanying
desire for improvement. is to show
by our lives, silently. the better way,
while r~esolutely refraining from urg-
ing it upon others. 1t was a high
tribute paid to a Christian man. who
is o living, when one who had
known him intimately said: HE never
told me that l ought to do better,
but / always came away from any
conversation with him wanting to do
better" If we would do this for 9TH
ers, let us seal our lips to criticism
and i~ncarnate the better way in our
lives.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
PULLED IN Different WAYS
Ordinary Man or the Street Some
what Puzzled by Seeming Busi-
ness Contradictions.
Life is full of contradictions"

life Is full of contradictions"
YES"
For instance, about six months
ago a life insurance agent got after
me, and bounded me nearly to death.
l told him at the start that had all
the insurance l was able to carry, but
he kept right on trying to persuade
me that l needed more and, finally, in
sheer desperation, l consented to take
out another policy. Then the COM
pany's doctor began trying in every
way he could think of to make it i'm
possible for me to get the insurance.
He acted as If 1 was voluntarily try
ing to beat the company in some way,
I'D when l failed to pass the examina-
ton both he and the agent appeared to
think l had wronged them by taking
up their time"
That's nearly as bad as my case.
Several months ago representatives of
a piano house got after me for the pur-
pose of %persuading me to buy a piano
on the installment plan. Just to get
rid of them, l at last agreed to buy.
Now they've got a corps of men out
trying to dig up proof that l never
could or would pay for the piano if
they were to let me have it. Business
Is a great thing"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
FREEING THE SLAVE
OLD JOE DIDN'T TAKE lT IN THE
ORTHODOX MANNER.
Instead Of Weeping and Begging to
Stay, He Gave Out Yell, Ran Away
and Never Was Heard Of
Again.

All present had heard, ever SO many
times, those good old stories of how
the slave Of ~ante-bellum times, when
told that he was free-"Yes, free,
Scipio"-had thrown himself, sobbing,
at his masters feet, and begged, with
tears in his eyes, that he be not sent
away-that he be allowed to serve the
family in any capacity until the end
OF his days. Therefore all present
looked wise and resigned when the
southerner launched on his story.
Down at our old home In the
SOUTH" he said, there was an old ne
gro called Joe who had been on the
place as far back as any of us could
remember. In fact, so long had he
been there that he had grown to be
just like a member of the family.
We children included him in all our
games and treated him exactly as we
would any other playmate, while his
long years of service had earned him
every sort of special consideration
from the grown folks.
$50 meritorious was Joe that my
father decided one day to make him a
free man. He went about the neces-
sary formalities quietly, and, when
all was ready, resolved to give the
thing a dramatic setting.
$50 he called the family together,
likewise his slaves, and when they
were all there, grouped impressively
about him. he summoned Joe.
THE faithful old slave appeared.
Joe said my father solemnly, you
have served us long and well. We
have a great affection for you
we all beamed approval. Joe's
face grew puzzled.
81 feel that We should show that
affection in some substantial way
continued my father. Then, after a
short pause, he said:
zoe, you are a free man.
Joe did not seem to understand.
He looked at my father and then at
the rest of us in a bewildered way.
.mopesIJ InoG noG eAIS 'eor,
You are no longer a slave. l am no
longer your MASTER said my father.
"The slaves face began to clear.
"Free?' he queried.
Eyes said my father.
For one moment Joe stood there.
Then"
In his turn, the southerner made a
dramatic pause, even as his father had
done before him. His auditors were
listening, bored but polite.
"Then," he continued, THAT negro
gave one ungodly yell, swung his cap
about his head, and without so much
as saying 'goodby' dashed out of the
house as fast as his legs could carry
him. We never so much as heard of
him again."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Jones Admitted It.

Jones and Brown argued as they al
ways did when they had time enough.
They had dined together, and as Jones
lived at a distance and it was very
late Brown offered to put him up for
the night.
On the way home they fell to dis
cussing the strategy of the Civil war
as indicated by the campaigns of Lee
and Grant. The topic was elastic
enough to keep them going for half
an hour, and reached it's height as
they neared the Brown house.
Then Brown lost his temper.
Jones'" said he, "if you don't admit
that Grant was a greater general than
Lee, you can't sleep here"
1t was then two o'clock in the morn
ing, and Jones was eight miles from
home.-Chicago Post.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
How He Found Out,

"Mr. Chairman" shouted one of the
delegates to the convention. 81 move
that the nominating speeches be lin.
tied to one minutei"
Second the motion!" yelled a dozen
others.
A storm Of protest arose, but the
chairman put the motion.
1t was lost by a vote of At to IS.
Il merely wished to find out, Mr.
Chairman" explained the delegate
who had made the motion, how many
ambitious orators there are in this
convention. There are forty-seven."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
All In the Game.

Cy Clark used to keep a hotel up Fox
Lake way and maintained a fleet of
rowboats for his guests. 1t was his
fancy to tack a playing card, with the
individuals name on it, on the bow
of the boat. indicating temporary pos
session. A boarder who had made him
self more than solid by his liberality
made a complaint that all the boats
were out but one. and he wanted to
go fishing. At the time the landlord
was trying to straighten out into packs
a couple Of hundred playing cards
that had been bundled careiessly.
Whose boat is it?" asked Cy. 81
don't know" said the boarder. st has
a nine Of diamonds tackled on it."
Take it." returned Cy. Here's the
ten."-Chicago Evening Post.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Young. but oh, MY!

The lawyer was sitting at his desk,
absorbed in the preparation of a brief.
So bent was he to his work that he
did not hear the door as it was push
ed gently open, nor see the curly head
that was thrust into his office. A lit.
tie sob attracted his notice, and turn
ing, he saw his face that was streaked
with tears. and told plainly that his
feelings had been hurt.
well, my little man, did you want
to see me?"
"Are you a lawyer"
Yes. What do you want?"
81 want" and there was a resolute
ring In his voice-"I want a divorce
from my papa and mammal"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
A Little of.

Washington about the dreadful hunting
accidents of last month. when buck
fever seizes a man." he said, che goes
as far of his aim as the old lady went
in her definition of the word 'beIli.
cose.' She was talking with a friend
about a bishop.
"tHe's a fine man. said the friend,
a fine, handsome man. His only
trouble is that he's a little bellicose.'
"'Bellicose?' said the old lady with
a surprised frown. He must have
changed, then. The last time / saw
him he was tall and rather slender "
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Feminine Rebuke.

The suffragette was conversing with
the eminent African traveller.
"And you don't believe in woman
suffrage?' said the lady.
mo, madam" the hunter of big
game replied, II believe that the femf
nine traits, gentle, humane, tender. fiji
your sex for the home rather than fol
the sterner duties of life or the posi-
BILE necessities of the state"
Eyes," the suffragette replied. 81
have heard those arguments before
And now may l ask how you received
that deep scar on your cheek?"
ut wss given me by a lioness
madam"
The suifragette smiled.
Good for the lady lion," she said
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
MarY's Little Postscrinf.

Mistress-Mary, wasn't that gentle
man asking for me?
The New Maid-No, mum, he de-
scribed the lady he wanted to see as
being about 40, and l told him 1t could
MT be you.
Mistress-Quite right, my dear. And
you shall have an extra afternoon off
tomorrow.
The New Maid-Yes, mum! Thankee,
NUM- Yes, mum! I told him it could
MT be you, as you was about so.
Mistress-And while you're taking
your afternoon off you'd better look
out for a new place!
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
The Dead Past,

No church car be better than its
leaders who control 1t. The theolog.
ian's error repeats itself in his creed.
The bigot's narrowness Is revealed in
his intolerance. The time has come
when every church has many things
in its history that it would gladly for
get. But let the dead past bury its
dead. The life of the church Is in
the future.-Rev. N. D. Hills, Con.
g~regationalist, Brooklyn.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
old FASHIONED FAMILY REMEDY \
FOR COLDS and BODY BUILDING
Father Johns Medicine
Cures Colds and Builds
Up the Body Without
Use OF Alcohol or DAN
gerous Drugs.-A Doc
tors Prescription Fifty
Years In Use.

Father Johns Medicine is a physi-
clans prescription.
Prescribed for the late Rev. Father
John O'Brien of Lowell, Mass, by an
eminent specialist in 1855.
Father John recommended this
prescription to his parishioners and
friends and in this way it became
known as Father Johns Medicine.
This story is true and we guarantee
to give $25, 000.00 to any charitable In
stitution, if shown otherwise.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Extensive Possession.

A small applicant for Christmas
cheer wes being interviewed by the
charity worker.
What is your father?" asked the
latter.
"'E's me father"
Eyes, but what Is he?"
ooh! 'E's me stepfather."
Eyes, yes, but what does he do?
Does he sweep chimneys or drive
buses, or what?"
Cow" exclaims the small appli-
cant, with dawning light of compre-
hension. mo, e amt done nothin'
since we've 'ad 'im."-London An
swers.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Her RRsInnaflnn-

Papa" she said. Il am very angry
with Geraldine"
whats Geraldine done?" asked her
father.
why, told her a secret last sum-
mer," said the little girl. Indignantly.
land she has just told me she's 60
ing to tell it."
That's very wrong of Geraldine.
Has she any excuse?"
"Why, l told her it was wicked to
tell a secret, and what do you think
she said? She said: oh, l know, but
I've resigned from that secret!'
Papa" she concluded, earnestly,
you can't resign from a secret, can
you?"
The mental processes of children are
past finding out.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Gentle Correction Needed.

Mr.. Littlerest-Doctor, what did you
tell me was your special treatment for
sleeplessness?
Medico-We strike at the cause or
the origin of the trouble.
Mr.. Litilerest-You don't say SO!
Well, you will find the baby in the 9TH
er room. Only, don't strike at him
too hard.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Purse With Money In a Cod.

A housekeeper at Queenstown, Ire
land, constabulary barracks while
cleaning q Goldfish about 80 pounds In
weight discovered inside the fish a
purse containing a number Of silver
coins of the reign of Queen Victoria.
The purse was of leather. steel bound
and In good preservation. 1t also con
tanned some inscribed paper. which
was reduced almost to pulp.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Knees Became Stiff
Five Years of Severe Rheumatism

The cure of Henry j. Goldstein, IA
Barton Street, Boston, Mass, is another
victory for Hoods S~arsaparilla. This great
medicine has succeeded in many cases
where others have utterly failed. Mr..
Goldstein says: 81 suffered from rheuma-
tism five years, it kept me from business
and caused excruciating pain. My knees
many medicines without relief, then took
Hoods Sarsaparilla, soon felt much better,
and now consider myself entirely cured.
I recommend Hoods"
Get it today in usual liquid form or
chocolated tablets called Sarsatabs.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Think of It'll

Two brothers, each of whom Is near
ly six feet and a half tall, were one
day introduced by an acquaintance to
a young lady. AS she sat gazing up at
the pair of giants in wonder and awe,
she exclaimed:
Great heavens! Suppose there
had been only one of you!"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
OuarrAIinn-

People quarrel in public, who quar-
rel at home. Their public life is only
the outside colorirg of the home life.
These things make 1t hard for US to
be friends to others, ar for them to be
friends to us.-Rev. 1. A. HUNDRED,
Baptist. Denver.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
The man who knows God best is the
one who trusts him most.

aThe higher a the more
hurts him to-
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
RAILWAY clerk,s speclaItx.

Among the voluntary helpers in the
work of compiling the Oxford English
dictionary, the most learned authority
on words and phrases of the Eliza:
bethan period, according to DR.. R. A.
Miers' principal of London university.
was a railway clerk.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
MANY Children Are sicLlr

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Children Break
up Colds in "a hours, relieve Feverishness, Head
ache, Stomach Troubles, Teething Disorders, move
and regulate the bowels, and Destroy Worms. They
are so pleasant to take children like them. Used By
mothers for % years. At all druggists, Csc. Sample
mailed FREE. Address, Al S. Olmsted, Leroy. NY
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Beino a Bow Aoajn.

II were a boy again l would want
to grow in favor with God. and grow
l character which would prove the
most valuable asset in the walks and
ways of this world. and which would
be of %unending and infinite worth amid
the eternal riches Of the skies.-Rev.
c. B. Mitchell, Methodist, Chicago.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
The MESSAGE.

Religion has an economic message.
1t has a great social program. But
first of all it comes with commanding
authenticity as a word to moral strug
glers under the stress and strain OF
the behests of consciousness.-Rev
l.. H. Hough. Methodist. Brooklyn.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
All Very True, but

Fond Father Yes, Johnny, when
the Millennium is, come the lamb can
lie down with the lion in perfect
safety.
Little Johnny (doubtingly)-I s'pose
that's SO, but I'd rather be the lion,
just the same.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-01-05
Remarkable.

His wife is a remarkable woman
How SOP"
She can look stylish In bonnets
that he likes"