Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-01-25

The president is not allowed to eat
any pastry. But then. he never did
hang around the pipe counter very
much.
John u. has invested in Il new derby.
Times can't be so hard after all.
A writer says Postmaster General
Hitchcock is the haadsoinest man In
the cabinet, but that is sort OF Il loft
handed compliment.
Mr.. BRYAN wants the republicans TO
nominate La Toilette. MIR. Bryan, it
| will be remembered, Is a democrat.
A Chicago woman had n man ar
rested for picking her pocket. Any
man who can find a pocket
ought to be- on the detective force.
John L.. Sullivan says he does not
| want to go TO congress-. There. is more
! money In vaudeville and much more
glory.
Germany does not van Italy to grab
Turkey. II there is any grabbing done.
Germany wants to do II herself.
And now they are asking Mr.. Rur-
bank to invent Il mushroom that will
have a label attached to 1t
A New York man was arrested on
suspicion OF carrying a bomb when he
was only carrying home a can OF
question which is the more dangerous.
One OF Governor Deneen's legs IL
temporarily GU OF commission, but
there have been governors and even
senators IN Illinois who haven't had IL
leg left to stand on.
tell the truth about Chicago in his
forthcoming book. II he does he will
never be able to get 1t through the
mails.
The papers say they canno take
Champ Clark seriously. But then. 1t
may not be necessary to take him ut
all.
One OF the eminent Cinnamon who
are telling the Manchu government how
to run it's business is our old writer
friend, Kip Ling.
New York does a. great deal OF
Growing about itself. and. speaking OF
that, there are Il lot of old roosters
along Broadway who should have
guardians.
THE DIFFERENCE.
Hiram Jones was always careful of his
health In every way.
And he tried new tangled cures for
things that allied him every day.
Course there wasn't much the matter
with him when he started in.
But his ailments kept a CROWN and he
soon was getting thin;
Many medicines he swallowed and he
never missed a kline
That was put upon the market that US
folks can call to mind.
Hiram. he tried outdoor sleepin' also
mudbaths and the like,
And he should have been the wellest
man that Ger came down the pike.
Wore his rubbers i'll the ummer fear
In that he would catch cold;
Also fleece lined underclothin' year
around, SO we were told.
He was strong on antiseptca, never
drank out of Il glass
That was ever used by others. Hotel
towels he'll also pass.
Everything about the house that he
must touch was sterilized.
Ii a microbe Ger got to him. Hiram
Jones would be surprised.
But it didn't cut much figger how he
tried to stay alive
Microbes got him after all, and Hiram
died at 30. j
Abner Jones was Hiram's brother and
he didn't Seem to know
That he SHOULD preserve his health like
Brother Hiram did, and SO
Abner was a reckless party and he
didn't seem to care
| What folks said about the microbes.
Let them bite him If they dare.
Abner used to go out huntin' and get
soaked through to the SIX in,
Let his clothes freeze right onto him
ere he'd thing OF comm in.
Smoked and chawed all day like blazes.
never had an undershir.,
Fooled the dentists. pulled his w
teeth, and he never felt the hurt.
Used to hang round the pest house
just to pass the time away.
Coin swimmin' in the winter seemed
to Abner just like play.
He would eat mince pie for breakfast
or whatever he could get,
Beef and cabbage on retiring.was with
him the one best bet.
Never went to see IL doctor. Patent
medicine he summed,
reaklng all the rules Of health. some-
how he still grew more rotund.
But of course. the time arrived when
he must leave the world of pain,
He'd just passed his hundredth mile
stone when he was killed by a
train.
THE TWO EXTREMES.
Hezekiah was a tynic. Nothing ever
went just right.
Things We're always wrong at his place
every morning. 400 and night.
Pessimism was his hobby and he loved
to make complaint.
And his peevish mannerisms SURELY
would provoke q ain
Never missed Il chance to worry. Said
he always was afraid
Illat he would die in the Door house.
and he saved each cent he made.
Never had a moments pleasure. Life
was earnest and was real.
Always lookin' for disaster. Always
ready fer To suueal.
Always certain that the country was
a-goin' straight to smash.
SO he spent his entire lifetime hoard
In up the sordid cash.
happy. never glutn,
\ AIWaXS had \ funny Ckc,n ,,. -,