Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-02-10
CLEMENS The BOY
The Budding Humorist Was the
Terror of His Mother.

MdTh Twain Tue boy was iSdueT OI
a band of young incorrigibles. accord
ing to Albert Bigelow Paine. Twain's
secretary and biographer, who in Har-
per's tells something of their juvenile
goings on:
His mother declared that he gave her
more trouble than all the other chill
dren put together.
He drives me crazy with his didoes
when he is in the house" she used to
say land when he is out of it l am
expecting every minute that some one
will bring MIN home half dead
He did. in fact. achieve the first of his
nine narrow escapes from drowning
about this time and was pulled out Of
the river one afternoon and brought
home in a limp and unpromising con-
dition. When with mullen tea and cas-
tor oil she had restored him to activ-
| ity she said:
Il guess there wasn't much danger.
| People born to be hanged are safe in
water"
She declared she was willing to pay
somebody to take him Of her hands
/ for part OF each day and try to teach
| him manners.
Besides his mother who had to con-
tend with the bad boy. was his school
teacher, certain Miss Horn AIr
Paine tells how unlike to bed of roses
was her lot.
Miss Horr received % cents a week
for each pupil and opened her school
] Will, "a oh hoU
ter of the Bible. with explanations and
the rules of conduct Then the a B C
class was called. because its recital
was a hand to hand struggle. requir-
ing no preparation.
The rules of conduct that first day
interested little Sam. He calculated
how much he would need TO trim in to
sail close to the danger line and still
avoid disaster However, he made a
characterization during the forenoon and
received warning. A second offense
would mean punishment. He did not
mean to be caught the second time,
but he had not learned Miss Horr vet
and was presently startled by being
commanded to go out and bring a stick
for his own correction.
This was certainly disturbing. 1t
was sudden, and then he did not know
much about the selection of sticks.
Jane Clemens had usually used her
hand. 1t required a second command
to get him headed in the right direc-
ton, and he was a trif1e dazed when
lie got outside. He had the forests of
Missouri TO select from. but choice was
difficult. Everything looked too big
and competent. Even the smallest
switch had wiry, discouraging look.
Across the way was a cooper shop
with a good many shavings outside.
| One had blown across and lay just III
front of him. 1t was an inspira ton.
He picked it up and. solemniy enter
ing the schOolroom, meekly handed ii
to Miss Horn.
Perhaps Miss Horr's sense of humor
prompted forgiveness. but discipline
must be maintained
Samuel Langhorne Clemens" she
said (he had never heard it all strung
together in that ominous way. Il am
ashamed Of you, Jimmy Dunlap. GO
bring in a switch for Sammy" And
Jimmy Dunlap went. and the switch
was of Il sort to give the little boy an
immediate and permanent distaste fol
school. He informed his mother wher
he went home at noon that he did not
care for school; that he had 10 desire
TO be a great man; that he preferred
to be pirate or an Indian and scalI
or drown such people as Miss Horr.
Young Sam conceived the notion that
pirates life would be joyous and
with couple of pals, cruised the Mis-
sissippi.
Some of their expeditions were limo
cent enough. They often cruised up tC
Turtle island, about two miles above
Hannibal. and spent the day feasting
You could have loaded car with tur
ties and their eggs up there and there
were quantities of mussels and plenty
of fish. Fishing and swimming were
their chief pastimes. with general ma
rauding for adventure. Where the rail
road bridge now ends on the Missouri
side was their favorise swimming hole
that and along Bear creek, a seclud
ed, limpid water with special interests
of its own. Sometimes at evening they
swan across to Glasscock's island. this
rendezvous Of Tom Sawyer's BLACK