The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1912-06-11
His Natural
Self

If anybody had given a party with
a prize for the most helpless husband
there was not a bit of doubt that
Dockity would have gone home with
the prize under his arm. This was an
indisputable fact, for his wife said
SO and she should have possessed ex-
pert knowledge or the subject.
IF 0 should turn James Dockity
loose in the middle of a DESERT" she
often said, with an oasis in plain
sight, that helpless man would turn
and walk the other way and die Of
starvation. Here l am, wearing my
self to a shadow remembering to re-
mind him Of what he ought to do or
telling him where he put his pink
striped shirt or getting him more
towels when those in the bathroom
have slipped down back OF the tub!
You'd think that the mar never heard
Of the back Of the bathtub the way
he forgets to reach behind 1t! He's
more trouble than E family Of ten
children! l declare, his helplessness
dooms me to become old before my
time"
He never knew where he had put
his umbrella when there was a rain
storm that he had to go out In. He
was petrifed with a dismal sort Of
horror II he had to hunt out his own
apparel. 1t was OF record that once
when they were dining out and Mrs.
Dockity had gone on ahead to spend
the day he didn't come. When finally
they telephoned him he told his ex.
asperated wife with tears in his voice
that somehow he couldn't possibly get
q white tie on that looked right.
Where are you getting your dress
ties from" Mrs. Dockity inquired
with an awful premonition.
From the little drawer to the left
In the top Of the %chiffonier." recited
Dockity, pathetically.
Those" breathed Mrs. Dockity
over the phone, ARE my white sum-
mer belts! Look in the drawer be-
low!"
She often said with pathos that II
James would only reform she would
be the happiest m on earth.
1t was nothing short of tragic then
when Dockity had to 60 west on bust
ness and his return was delayed three
months. Mrs. Dockity worried inoes-
sanity over him. III he wasn't 80
helpless" she said, 1T wouldn't be
so bad. but he'll lose everything he
has and will come home with his cuffs
tied on with strings! He won't be
able to find q thing and nobody win
look out for him and he'll leave a
pair Of pajamas hanging In the closet
Of every hotel room he's in! I'm
afraid he won't get enough to eat,
because he never knows what he
wants and always insists on my pick
ing out things on the bill Of fare"
When at last Dockity returned
home his wife looked him over fear
fully. His coat was on right side up
and his right shoe was not upon his
left foot. He o. wearing his own
hat, his linen was presentable and
he was short only M pair Of paja-
mas.
do you feel well, james," Mrs.
Dockity asked, %anxiously.
III l felt any better" declared her
husband, ia be sick abed from it,"
At breakfast Dockity pat sugar and
ear on his berries as nonchalantly
as II he had always known how. He
picked up his umbrella from behind
the door and produced his gloves air
lily. When he had gone Mrs. Dockity
sat down and breathed hard. She
could not understand 1t.
That evening 1t was still worse.
Dockity dressed without once asking
where anything a When his wife
said that she had come to put In the
shirt studs Dockity looked surprised
and said they we're already in. He
even got out his silk hat and brushed
1t. whistling cheerily, while Mrs.
Dockity stood around making futile
efforts to help him.
She was pale and not herself all
evening and persisted in trumping her
partners ace. When they started
nome not only Ulu u0T uuSDduu uuU
his own wraps, but he got hers and
helped her into them.
She did not speak all the way home.
When Dockity turned out the hall
lights instead Of waiting for her to
do it she fed upstairs to hide her
emotion.
Just when Mrs. Dockity had reached
the point where she decided that the
queer feeling which possessed her
meant that she was going to die Dock
ity came with hesitating steps into
the room.
Dear" he murmured, Il can't find
the soap-it isn't in the soap dish
and where are my bedroom %slippers?"
1t was then that his wife cast her
self upon his bosom and dissolved in
a food Of tears. Tits ~p-p-probably
Slipped down on the f-f-1oor!" she
sobbed. "They-they're in your closet
be-behind your g-g-golf shoes! Oh.
James. you haven't seemed natural till
this minute! l th-thought I'd lost
-- s--A 4 1sA- A. 49, ->.. I@oA