Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-11-14
@ P!H1E3 GQn!E5. rs

to talk about the ups and downs of
Shakespeare. "A friend aud once
passed Il theater in Washington" said
Mr.. Pattee. Just as the performance
luaintance who was coming out Of the
t%lleater. We We're ignorant AS to the
attraction. So my friend asked his ac-
uuaintance what sort of q perform
ance he had been witnessing. Hamlet.
said h acquaintance. All. Ham
let. said my friend. Il suppose that
YOU are now filled With all sorts of con-
lectures as to whether Hamlet was
really mad. 'Th Hamlet tonight
said the acquaintance. left no
doubt on that point. He was not alone
mad-he was frantic. There weren't a
hundred people in the house.
FOR three solid hours the captain had
been leciurina his men on the duties OF
a soldier" and he thought 1t was time to
see how much they had understood of his
discourse. Casting his eyes around the
room he fixed on Private Murphy as his
first victim.
Private Murphy" he asked. why
should u soldier be ready to die for his
country?'
Private Murphy scratched his head for
II moment. and then a smile OF enlighten-
mens crossed his face.
Sure. captin.' he said pleasantly,
you're quite right. Why should he?'
The ScOtchman possesses u genius
FOR business, as the following dialogue
would indicate. One of his ~favorite
proverbs is. He will soon be q beggar
who does not 10Y how to say no." A
laird of I.anarkshire was n day ac-
costed by one of his neighbors az fol-
lows: Laird. 1 need 20 pounds ster-
ling. If you will be kind enough to
accept my note. you will be repaid in
three months" sNn il 10 in,nnSSibl.A
Donald" But why. laird? You have
often rendered Il like service to your
friends" Impossible, Donald. 1 re-
peat. Then you mean to refuse me:?'
Listen. Donald. and follow my reason
ing: AS soon rs l accepted your note
YOU would draw the 90 pounds?'
Yes" When the maturity of the
note arrived, / know you. and hat you
would not be ready. Then we should
quarrel. Very we'll. but. Donald. I
at once. while the 20 pounds is in my
pocket
Having been cautioned by the prose-
cutting attorney not to let the counsel
for the defendant trick him into alter
ing testimony. the old negro OH the
witness stand braced himself grimly
for the ordeal of cross examination. He
had just detailed on direct examination
how he had seen the prisoner murder
his victim. throw away his razor. and
flee from the scene.
You say you saw this man drop
his razor and run away?' demanded
counsel for the defendant in chal-
longing tone.
No, sub All nevah said Hat" de-
clared the Witness.
The attorney consulted his notes a
moment. then turned fiercely on the
witness again.
Do you mean to tell this court and
jury" he Numbered. that you did not
say a few minutes ago that you saw
and run away"
No. sur. All nevah did," insisted the
old man ~stubbornly. AN. no lawyah
can make me say somethin' All knows
l didn't SAY
Well. what did you say?" demanded
the exasperated counsel.
"Ah nevah said All saw him." re-
sponded the old darkey slowly. with
dignity. A said All seer hint"
-
Now, gentlemen!" called the auc-
tioneer hoarsely. as he held up a sus-
piciously yellow gold" watch. What
OFFERS for thfs-this beautiful chrono-
meter? Guaranteed sound in wind and
i1-er-warranted to keep good time-
or-and'-
Even he couldn't think of things to
say about the watch he was selling.
Please may l bid?" called a modest
young man quickly, from the back of
the room.
Certainly. my dear sir-certainly!"
replied the auctioneer d~elightedly.
All eyes turned quickly to the spot
where stood the a~uctioneer's innocent
victim.
Well. then" said the young man
c~omposedly. I'll bid you-good night"
-
She put down the book with a sigh.
What is 1t. darling" he asked.
All. dearest. I'm so happy" she re-
piled.
But you had such q a look in
your eye just now"
II know. I've beer reading about
the unhappiness that the wives OF men
Of genius have always had to bear.
Oh. Alfred. I'm SO glad you're just an
ordinary sort Of q fellow"
A rather tursid orator. noted for his
verbOsity and heaviness. was once as
signed to do some campaigning in q
mining camp in the mountains. There
were about SO miners present when he
began. But when, at the end Of q
nnishins, his listeners dropped away.
Some went back to work, but the ma
jorlty Bought places to quench their
thirst. which had been aggravated by
h dryness Of the discourse. Finally
there WAS only one auditor left. a
Fixins his gaze ON him. the the . orator
pulled u q large s~ix-shooter and laid
II on tho table. The old fellow rose
slowly and drawled u BE you
going to shoot if ! go?" you bet I
am" replied the speaker. I'm bound
70 nni:h my speech. even Il ! have to
fellow sighed In q tired manner and
e6Ged slowly away saying an he did