The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-11-24

wish I had never seed the blame son OF
gun"
The country school teacher Informed the
club that Staple & Notions, the leading
dry goods emporium of Ioneleyvile had
fired their new city clerk, after a trial
of but one day lie said that the clerk
had highly recommended himself as an
experienced salesman. and vaunted that
he could sell goods to people whether
they wanted to buy or not. Mr.. Notions
Of that firm had listened to him, while
the clerk was waiting on the most exclu-
sive and aristocratic lady of the village,
the attempt to sell her being scheduled
in this manner: fTape;-did you say,
Madam? Well 1 should Singer. Just
prance this way for a pair of seconds,
and concentrate your intellectual capacity
on the Jim-dandiest. best stock of Tape
ever brought to this Burg If YOU can't
get the kind of Tape you want, right
here in this joint YOU might as well
hang up your fiddle and your bow. Here,
Madam, is some scrumptious Tape raised
by Old Man Tape, at Tapeville, Tape
county, Tapi-oeo-made by the boss Tape
worms OF the whole business. Look at
that tape, my Christian Friend Doesn't
it fairly warm your old heart to feast
your eyes on goods like that? And just
peek-a-boo that sample OF tape marked
down from eight cents 10 three and three
fourths, Doesn't it actually feel young
again to gaze on a bargain like that?
Aha? Makes your hair curl to behold
the chance of a lifetime. doesn't II? Did
you ever see anything more perfectly
fetching since you was born into this
world of sin and sorrow? OF course you
never did-Me Girly-girl It's a freezing
day when this firm gets left on tapel
Look at this remnant Look at It. wom-
an. II won't bite YOU Now ten me il you
ever saw a tape like that for less than
thirty cents? There amt no convict
work on that sample of tape-its made
by the light of diamond, forty-five miles
under the earth, the mans dead that
made it, and you'll get no more. Handle
it, Oh handle it my aged Sister, and
then produce your spiserinctum from your
retieule, and snap DIP the bsrgaini"
Motions rushed up in time to keep
the lady customer from fainting and
after she had left the store he called
his partner back into the office saying
TO him. Look here, Staples. YOU ought
to be more careful who waits on our
customers. Now. that young clerk can
wait on the coal mine convict camp
and bridge gang trade because he has
had experience in doing that in At
lanta, but he lacks the culture and re-
hnement necessary here In Lonelyville.
| There is q lot of difference In selling
a stock of Rube Burroughs novels.
plug tobacco, Jail breaking tools and
Winchesters in Atlanta and catering
to the wants of refined people here In
a town like this where the Sabbath
is observed every Sunday"
Saw a neat little get off in the news
pa pers the other day on the funny
break made by railroad man, OBJ
served the backwoods parson.
As you fellows all know. a railroad
| man amt generally witty. The sed-
entary and serious character of the
! lives they lead forbids the robust
| growth of much humor. The clerical
baggage snnasher and the apostolic
brakeman may occasionally indulge in
a mild joke. when the conductor amt
| looking, but as a class the railroad
man is very abstemious in the indul-
gence of fun. Consequently / was all
| the more tickled when | noticed in the
paper that a baggage master hung a
card on goat, a plain William II.
Goat, that was being expressed to
Nashville, with this inscription on the
card: please pass the butter
81 considered this as a new proof of
the wonderful progress we are making
in this age of steam and electricity and
/ predict that the time will come before
the century closes when a railroad mar
will have Just as much humor about
| him as any of us fellows