Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-12-20
At the End Of the Rainbow.
KNOWS HIS BUSINESS.
BY WALT MASON.

'It seems to me-" remarked the re-
tired merchant, that this is an awfully
shabby hotel office. Why don't you
loosen up and get some respectable fur
niture and make the place more attrac-
tive?"
when I want your advice I'll ask for
it," replied the hotel keeper. with some
warmth. II don't want you or any other
human being to come butting in here
telling me how to run this hotel. If you
don't like the way things look here you
have my permission to stay away until
Won die of old age and be hanged to you.
Most of the furniture you see In this
office was in use before the war and
some Of it was brought over by Christie
pher Columbus in the Maydower. l have
no doubt. I have picked 1t up at second.
hand stores and auction safes ana al
sorts of places and it's the best asset l
have Alexis like you, who never tTaT-
eled more than seven miles from your ma
tive village, come here and crltlclse that
furniture. They think / ought to Gump II
and get in a lot of Vanished junk just
for the sake Of show. But travelling men
know that the best and most comfortable
furniture in the world is old, disreputa-
BILE looking furniture.
every chair in this place has been
thoroughly broken in and knows its bus1-
ness as we'll as a livery horse. Some OF
those doggone chairs just seem to adapt
| themselves to the shape OF every new
patron. Travelling men often tell me that
my chairs are more comfortable than the
! feather beds in the opposition hotel and
that's why you see this lobby full OF
guests every evening when tOther cara
vansary looks like the deserted village.
The man who runs that joint Is a
new hand In the hotel business and he
| thought he'd put 1t all over me when he
! opened his establishment. He used to
come I'm here and sneeringiy look over
my collection of spawned and broken
| winded furniture. That big armchair un-
der the clock is the most comfortable
seat in the world. 1t fits any man. even
if he is defofmed. like a glove. and it's
almost impossible to sit in it for five
minutes without beginning to snore.
1.-The doggOne chair actually seems to
| rock you to sleep and brush the flies off
your brow and Groom lullaby. There
never was such another chair in any
arms of it and carved their initials On 1T
and the rungs don't match and one of
the legs is twisted like a corkscrew, and
it has q sort of deliriouS look alto
gether but 800 travelling men in this ter
ritory know what a sweet boon the chair
is, and their highest ambition is to come
in here and sit in it and pick their teeth
apd go to sleep
We'll. that fool hotel man used to come
here sneering around as I have said and
whenever he looked at the old armchair
he had spasm Of merriment. He
thought / must be crazy to have such a
distorted piece of furniture and when he
got his place opened he was going to fur
nish an object lesson free of charge.
Finally he opened up and I went over to
see what sort of dime museum 1t was.
When I looked over his Office furniture l
gave shrek of demoniac laughter.
Everything was glittering with varnish
and upholstered with leather too gOr,
geous for any good use.
THE result was just what I expected.
A few bloated bondholders register there,
but the travelling men and the plain peO-
pie come here, usual. When a man
| sits down in one of those big, fat chairs
| he feels like the chief mourner at a
funeral. He's afraid to strike a match
| on il or hang his leg over the arm or try
the edge of his jackknife on it, He feels
as uncomfortable an old farmer in a
millinery store and he wouldn't think of
telling funny story or uttering a college
yell.
| THAT American citizen isn't built for
that gloomy grandeur business. He wants
| to feel at home; he wants to sit In one
chair and put his feet in another and kick
the front rung out of third, and that s
why he comes here. where there isn't any
| varnish Spanish leather. So the next
time you feel like telling a MOTEL keeper
/ how 20 run his business 60 over to the
loathsome opposition and hand out your
! suggestions there"