davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28
Victor Berger Does 1t;
Wears a Dress Suit
Socialist Member of Congress Takes the Hurdles
of Society and Lands in the Elect
Glass All at Once.
Glass All at Once.

Since the days when old Socrates, first
Of all socialists. made himself universally
disliked with the old-line Republicans Of
the period, the band wagon OF progress
iveness has not received such a Jolt as
was handed it one week ago by Victor
Berger. tailor. and several yards q
black and white cloth.
That Henry George should have done
II was conceivable. That Senator Bailey,
the more or less sylvan statesman. should
have done it was in line with the intui-
tive forecast Of history. But that Victor
Berger. from Milwaukee, the Socialist
Congressman, the worker for the human
uplift. the chief harpoonist of the classes
In the House OF Representatives, should
have tumbled for the siren song Of So
cial Washington = well, Congress. the
Capital in general. and the aforemen-
toned band wagon reeled more terribly
than on that historic day when a certain
soIdier-Senator appeared in the halls of
the Capitol at II a. m clad in a dress
suit.
Came All mt Once.
Victor Berger did not come into the
dress suit gradually. as did Senator
Bailey. The latter worked his way
through the successive stages OF frock
coat, cutaway. tuxedo. derby hat. and
black ties before he came forth In his
uttermost glory. Victor. looking over
the situation one afternoon, hunted up a
tailor.
Evening clothes seem necessary in this
relatively debased home OF wealth and
culture" said Victor to the tailor.
Therefore / bid you cut me something
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28
Is IT Or IS IT NOT
THE DUKE OF CANNoT9
THAT Is THE QUERY

Did you see the Duke OF Cannot?''
Three days ago several thousand per.
sons in several thousand different In
donations asked this question In =
street. in Seventh street. clear over the
length and breadth Of the city, In fact.
the query came and went, and every man
seemed happily satisfied that he had q
real aristocratic pronunciation Of ths
dukes last name.
Somebody sprang this question on ons
OF those tired boulevadiers. The T. B.
raised a heavy eyelid and asked:
Duke of Cannot what7'
Cannot" replied the other impatient-
ly. Cannot. cannot. cannot"
'I don't care whether you can or not"
replied the T. B.. Indifferently. but
don't mind telling you the right way to
pronounce that word is"
Wen. how do you think It Is pro-
nounced?
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28

that gaps before and hangs far away
behind"
The tailor cut as he was bade and the
result-to a man who did not know Vic
tor-was pleasing. The coat fitted well
on the shoulders that have lopg ceased
state. The trousers-''pants," Victor calls
them-were neither saggy nor tight. Tbs
white vest was dream Of pulchritude.
How does IL look?'' demanded Victor
anxiously, as he circled slowly before the
glass. The tailor mentally added so to
his bill and rubbed his hands ecstatically
as he bubbled panegyric.
Kept IL n secret.
Victor said nothing about his purchase.
He kept the secret until one night when q
friend invited him to dinner.
That was the night when the jolt came.
Those smembers of Congress who were
present say that Victor's entry had Cleo
patra's famous arrival via barge looking
like a Methodist Sunday school excur-
sion They kept the secret for a while
but eventually II leaked. as secrets will.
Somebody asked Victor II the array Of
spotless white didn't tend to embarTsss
a man Of his naturally modest demeanor.
mot at ALL" he replied Il can mako
notes on the cuffs"
Strange TO say, the entire House of
Representatives admits that Victor looks
better in a dress suit than anybody else,
even Nick Longworth and the Beau Brum-
mel set who have been Beau Brummel-
ing since 1873
And the only single thing that worries
the House Is how Victor will square him
self with his Socialistic constituents when
he returns to Milwaukee and tells them
how he defied the wiles OF luxurious
Washington
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28
SAM BERNARD TELLS
VASS ISS Elm CHOKE
''The Rich Mr.. Hoggenheimer,' 'He Came from
Milrpaukee" "WIith the Girl from Kay's,'
and Then-Then-"S "Suffciencv."

Instance. take the father Of all Jokes
that best known OF all OF them-'Why the
a chicken cross the street?' With the
answer. To get on the other side Any
four-by-nine man would call that pretty
bad II 1t was said on the stage. The
guilty actor would surely get something
going his way. Probably anything that
was loose. Suppose, now, he told 1t in
German dialect. He could say: Dere's
der things der chickens was Just about,
und, he says. but der chickens he start
ed und he began alreatty und ter was
der road, right der in front of his face
und der chickens, he says. and then he
begins and he has more chickens which
maybe was of der road yet, und he
says anyways dere's der roads and it's
der road and der chickens dat would Il
over make und why not yet now? Say it,
'Und them when you say Il, what Is
it you say7 For der Is nothings anyway
but a lot OF foolishness, and der Is no
joke, maybe, only der chickens he want
ed TO, und. he got It good. Shuch,'
Now I know this will not read funny
at ALL That is the trouble with dialect:
1t does not read, II sounds: but would
bet my best accent the chicken joke told
in German dialect would not only be
endured, but 1t would make them laugh.
TaIkS English Backward.
Then there is the reverse order of
things A dialect could not be told in
plain English and not lose its force.
There is nothing funny in saying ''sur-
ficiency' in pure English. as Andrew
Lang or Brander Matthews would say
it. but when have chopped It up into
hash and favored It with a dash of
gesture and spice Of expression many
thousands Of people have thought it
funny enough TO laugh right out loud
in the theater.
Neither is liniment a funny word, but
In one play recently when ] pretended
to be able to say only. half OF It every
one in the audience was so sorry that 1t
was finished out mentally by each. and
they felt so pleased at helping the act
and taking part in the show that they
could not help but applaud. As said
before, that's where you have them on
the run, when you get them to take pity
and help you OUT
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28
why Does n Chickenf

You can take an old-time Joe Miller
joke from its tomb. sit it on its hind
legs, and a breath Of life would be
breathed into It IL told in dialect. For
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28

Errors will creep into the best regu-
lated and best intentioned papers. An
error of judgment, that has caused tears
is responsible for this explanation.
Julia Chandler Manz is the nominal
and not infrequent editor or the woman's
Page OF this paper. She is eminently
careful in her notions: not at all in
cIined to frivolIty. She has raised a
family. which. perhaps. explains her
purely nominal interest in life. She Is
an ardent and enthusiastic member OF
the Rock Creek Episcopal Church.
Last week had wandered into my Of
nee when she descended upon me. weep
ing and protesting that / had not shown
the spirit of animal courtesy one might
find in hungry Esquimo.
"P-p-p-p-eople" she sobbed, have
asked me whether 1 we-we-went with
You on that horrid trip TO sub-bub-bu-
brette row. I'm an editor and a woman.
It's horrible to think that people VIII
think that / went with you on that trip
to sub b-bub-bnb-"
vainly tried to calm the bub-bubbing.
The more explained, the more Julia
bub-bubbed about her position and my
lack OF respect and idIoIic ambiguity.
Therefore, to have peace in the once
furnish the above likeness OF the af-
fiction that once a week goes around
the town with me- You can ses II isn't
a woman. though I'll admit It doesn't
much resemble anything.
The point is that 1t isn't Julia Chandler.
And II anybody tries to tell you II is, ac-
cept this as evidence in advance that
they're wrong. I'm not looking for sud
den death. J. +. l..
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28
Must Have YersatilitY.

This is only one instance wherein the
picture impresario showed his
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28
Same Man in New Guise.

come the rasping voice again, have them
changed. Don't strangle them one by
one; it's tedious and painful"
Same Man in New Guise.
We approached the semaphore. II
was Brylawsh in the same sense that
Mr. Hyde was Dr. JekylL It was a
franticaIly energetic Brylawski, deter
mined TO have things right. impatient
with trlfles gone wrong. and, above all
else, an aIl-seeing Brylawski, who let
nothing escape.
He led us back to his front ofice,
handed US cigars, and, after climbing
into his coat, tried that suave, ever-at-
case manner of other times. But It fell
with a sickening thud, did that suave
manner. Our days Of ignorance were
over. He could never again hope TO de-
ceive us. and we all sat silently, la
menting the death OF an Illusion that
deserved a longer life.
We all of us lead double lives" ex-
planned BrylawslGi, but we trY to hide
the fact. Somehow the moving picture
impresario dislikes the idea of admit
ting that he has to work. He is like
the college student working his way
through a summer resort as a waiter
The fact that he is a college student
Is predominant; but the necessities re-
quire an apron and a pile OF dishes
Thus, on his hours of he chooses 10
forget how he works, and when he
works he Is not anXious to let others
know what he does"
How It Became a Winner.
Then he told US the story Of a NOV
ing picture manager who was put IN
charge of a house that had been con-
sistently losing money. 1t was neces-
sary, above all else, that Advertising
the best advertising obtainabIe-be OBJ
tanned. The manager had not money
with which TO buy It. Then one day an
aged but famed Senator, accompanied
by his secretary, tottered into the the
ater. That the Senator had been de-
nOunced as a gang leader and that he
was nearly an octogenarian added TO
his fame.
Forthwith the manager called the va
rious newspaper Offices.
Keep this dark" he told the news
paper men, .'and don't let a word Of It
come from me. The --~- Theater
is giving a private Entertainment to
Senator and the manager
doesn't want a word to leak out"
Forthwith a bevy of reporters, fired
by the idea that the Senator didn't want
IL known that he had a weakness for
moving pictures, bolted to the moving
Picture house, photographers flashed
batteries of cameras in the blinking face
of the aged Senator. and the news was
cast abroad in large type.
Having landed the story, the reporters
sought the manager. He was sitting be-
hind his ''decoy' desk smoking a cigar
TT was good work." he said cordially,
but / can't for the life of me figure
how you learned about it. intended to
keen II quiet The Senator is so sensI-
tive, you know"
Must Have Versatility.
This is only one instance wherein the
moving picture impresario showed his
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28
OTHER THINGS BESIDES
GOOD INTENTIONS CAN
PAVE THE LURD PATHS

Willie Pest, on January /, climbed upon
that happy cart where sit the thirty-and
thirstless. He clung nobly, bravely, en-
during gibes and attacks and all the
calumny that can come only to a sport
ing editor when the sporting editor Is
making a wasteful desert out of him
self.
Friday night II showed. Satan waited
until the snow was about foot high.
Then. with q shovel. he came forth from
hostelry directly opposite this Office
and shoveled a clean, clear path from
that place to our front door. Every
where else the heavy snow was piled TO
sluggish heights This path, leading to
the lights of the hostelry. was the only
clean, dry place where a traveller could
walk
Peet quit work. He came to the office
door and beheld this pathway and
Pause here and sob silently as one
does at the tombstone Of dear, de-
parted friend.
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28

versatility. He must be on the watch
for opportunities and seize them when
they come. He must know news, know
show and know human nature. And
when he works he must work like a
truck horse climbing Capitol Hill after
snowstorm.
washington is well represented by
these moving picture impresarios now.
Sheehy and Park and McGonigle and
half a dozen more, there are on the ir-
descent and irresponsible stretch OF
Washingtons Rialto. We visited them
all. some OF them gave us cigars
Others chatted for as long as hve Sec
onds before they arose and went ker-
whooping after a detail Of business that
had inadvertently crossed their path.
Funny. isn't II, what a difference a few
hours make?
our first tour of the district was be-
gun at 10 a. m.
At 10 D. m. We returned and met the
impresarios again. They had on their
college clothes. The days waiting was
over Until they retired for the night
they were the sedate butterflies OF the
profession. so engrossed in general per-
spective that the immediate object could
be forgotten
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28
EVEN AT THAT, WE BET
THAT TOM MONK COULD
DO IT FHE TRIED HARD

Tom Monk Is correspondent for a
Western paper that has an idea his name
is worth untold gold in the matter OF
increased circulation Whether It be
government reports or the condition OF
the weather. this paper faithfully pub
fishes his name at the top.
Thus II was that several days ago Tom
came to be regarded in the country
where this paper Is published as a sort
OF assistant President Of the United
States; for several days ago this came
out on the first page OF the paper:
RURAL CARRIERS
ARE APPOINTED
By Tom Monk.
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28

come the rasping voice again, have them
changed. Don't strangle them one by
one; it's tedious and painful"
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28
Got Hold of Secret.

Manz ana myself enjoyed for the mo-
ment the thought that we were the only
persons outside Of the profession who
were in on the secret. But, as Manz
explained later:
They are disappointing. have al
ways regarded a moving picture manager
and a headwaiter and George Washing
toms tomb as the three unmovable. i'm
mutable creations OF earth. Now we've
found these managers are as Internally
human as anybody else. The next thing
We know. Georges tomb viii be arrested
for doing the turkey trot.'
Who knows?
Even as We wend our way pressward
Chat word will cause a howl in the
proofroom) news has come that a New
York waiter was arrested for beating a
man who suffered the hallucination that
an automaton did not cherish ilI-feeling
toward those who fiirted with the auto
maton's wife.
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28

Sam Bernard, the famous comedian,
gives the following interesting disserta-
ton on the value and psychology OF dia-
Iect. SAYS this fun-maker: Dialect is
not a Joke, an accident, or Heayen-born
gift. It's an art, a profession. It's not
done on the impulse Of the moment. It's
a matter OF study and care and thought.
II firmly believe that any story told
In dialect is much more effective than
though It were told in straight English.
You can tell any story IN dialect and
make it funny. so long as yoI have
sense enough to keep away from religion
and death. These are two topics with
which no sane comedian would ever
tamper. German dialect is much the best
for stage use, as it gives you such a good
chance to stumble and hesitate and re-
peat and fall over the words. Then
you have the audience helping you Just
because they pity you and sympathize
with you.
When you start to say any simple
sentence the audience knows exactly
what you want to say, but you don't
say II. You tumble the words and hesi-
tate and go back and start again. By
that time the audience all want to help
you. They are not only sorry for you,
but they are also wandering IL you will
be able to get II out. OF course, that
sets them to giggling, and giggle al
ways leads up to a big laugh. This ap-
plies to any story or Joke I know Of,
although 1 never tell Jokes.
II do not tell them because I do not
want to insult my audience with the
average gag. as 1t is called on the
stage. 1t is too quick-too sudden. There
is one sharp laugh at the end; that's all.
The audience has no chance to enjoy it.
self except for an instant. Their interest
has not been aroused beforehand. In
telling a story you can work them up to
a climax that they will be ready for. It's
Just the difference between single-bar-
relied rife and a magazine gun
why Does n Chickenf
you can take an old-time Joe Miller
Joke from its tomb. sit it on its hind
legs and a breath of life would be
The Washington herald., 1912-01-28

Up a winding stairway We followed.
Upstairs he yanked a telephone from its
hiding place and began to argue advertis-
ing with a newspaper. Then he slapped
It down, seized a quantity of paper and
began writing like a SeismOgraph. a tele-
phone rang-anOther one in the far cor
ner of the room-and Mayer ran for 1t.
He shook hands with me going over and
with Manz as he came back. catching
US quick and handing our hands back to
US before we knew what he was doing.
Took Another Tack.
what is it?'' he asked. We didn't
dare TO ask him. 1t was too blatantly
imbecile to inquire what moving picture
impresario dfd for a living. We took
the other tack.
what particular feature Of this busi-
ness" we asked, do you leave to the
employees of this theater?'
Nothing replied he tersely, "abso-
lutely nothing. This business must be
watched. One great manager in this
town practically lost his hold because
he put in an electric sign numbering the
vaudeville acts and forgot to put dUpli-
cate numbers on the programmes. You
can't leave anything to anybody"
But / protested, you hang around
with a coat on and a fairly calm col
lected lcok when you're in your front
office.
That's the appearance, my boy" re-
piled Mayer; that's the plain appearance.
We all do that. 1t gives the public the
idea that we're in charge Of place that
automatically runs itself. II we went
bustIing around in public the patrons OF
this place might think us nervous-and a
nervous manager can spoil the best thea
ter or show that ever existed"
We left Mayer marking up sheet after
sheet with diagrams, underscored lines,
and uneven script. Offhand one would
have thought he was preparing a play
for a lunatic asylum. He was writing
Advertisements for the new weeks vaude-
willie.
Calm and Peaceable.
A. ]. Brylawski, once you learn to pro-
nounce his name, is quite approachable.
We had met him outside his office many
times and he had given us the notion
that work with him was a frothy foibls,
to be nonchaIantly batted hither and
thither by the battIedore Of inclination.
It was morning when We came into his
office on this day. He was not there, but
a nervous young man told US he was
up stage directing the rehearsal of a
company that was trying OUT here.
Into the cavern darkness of the stage
entry we made our way. Through the
haze We beheld a human semaphore-an
arm going up and down, up and down.
while the owner talked volubly.
My dear girl" said the voice raspingly,
''if you act as IL you're bored you'll bore
the audience. the act, and hole in your
salary. Don't do that song as If you had
only dropped in from a 400 tea to accom-
modate an unappreciative crowd of low
brows. Life! Life! Life! That's what We
want"
Then the song began to a strumming
accompaniment OF two guitars. The in
exorable right arm tapped up and down
and the song stopped abruptly.
IF you really don't like the words,''
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-06
ARTICLES
OF CONSTITUTION
Mems Federation to Be For
mally Launched at Ban
quet March %.
AT THE INDUSTRIAL HALL
Rev. Stuart Campbell of Galesburg
to Deliver Address at That
Gathering.

The first mass meeting and banquet
of the Mems Federation will be held
Tuesday evening, March 26, at Indus
trial hall at which time Rev. Stuart
Campbell, of Galesburg will be the
speaker according to plans discussed
by committee which met last night
to draw up a tentative constitution
for the new organization. Rev. Mr.. Camp
bell, who is the pastor of the First
Presbyterian church of Galesburg was
actively identified with the forming of
a similar organization in that city, and
it is believed that his address to the
men who are to be invited into the
federation at this mass meeting will
be of particular benefit. The various
organizations have been requested to
be in readiness to announce their rep.
resentatives on the executive commit
tee at that time.
FRAME CONSTITUTION.
After some discussion the following
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-06
SCHAEFFER HAS
ANEWS STORY OUT

Trying Your Own Artificial Flies"
is the subject of an excellent article by
Willard A. Schaeffer of this city,
which appears in the March number
of Recreation. A number of photo
graphs, the work of Mr.. Schaeffer, &C.
company the article, while at the
head of the story is large photograph
of the author, busted with Phil Nit
chell bass fly, an invention of Mr..
Schaeffer's and named after the local
banker
This fly, which is sold in sporting
goods establishments all over the Unit
ed States, and which is known as the
Phil Mitchell fly, was invented by Mr..
Schaeffer, and in his article he tells of
the way in which he discovered it,
the discovery being made by acct
dent
Mr.. Schaeffer is now a regular con.
tributor to Recreation" the present
article being the fourth which he has
written for that magazine. He is al
present preparing a number Of other
articles, which will appear shortly.
Mr.. Schaeffer is a recognized au
thority on things ''Sir Isaac Walton,
and a great many letters addressed tc
him are received daily at the magazine
offices, seeking his advice on variou:
| fishing problems.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-06
START NOW AND
BE UP TO DATE
Another Big Distribution of The
Argus Dictionaries-Come
and Get Yours.

Another large consignment of Web
ster's New illustrated Dictionaries
was placed upon the counter in the
business Office of The Argus for dis
tribution among its subscribers today.
We want every one who desires a copy
to take advantage Of the great oppor-
tunity this paper is Offering, for they
have never before had such an offer
presented them.
There is money in The Argus die
tionaries.
This does not mean that the great
success of the dictionary distribution
is due to any questionable graft
methods of modern commerce.
Neither is in intended to convey the
impression that in order to urge the
reading of the volume by purchasers
of the mother of the soldier boy who
hid SO bills in the pages Of his bible.
Some statesmen are said to work on
the same principle as the man who
made a phenomenal sale Of machinery
grease, until his competitors discover
ed that the reason was that there was
always q dollar to be found under the
head of every barrel, as a present to
the engineer who would purchase no
other brand. The dictionary is not
sold on this principle,
The Argus, however, reiterates,
that there is money in the dictionary,
| the entire edition of which it is dispos-
ing of so rapidly.
The Argus does not need to slip
dollar bills under the covers of its die
tionaries.
The public has learned that the con-
tents are of sterling worth and no ex.
ira inducement is needed.
There are thousands of words in the
Argus dictionary, and they are words
that you will need some time in your
life-every word has its yalue-lei
the contents of The Argus dictionary
enrich your store.
Six coupons and a small expense
bonus. That is the price of The Argus
dictionary. II rightly used its con
tents are priceless.
Many ladies who are handed a die
itionarY, before they get a chance Il
make their errand known, remark
How did you know that was what
wanted?" We can see it in their coun
tenances- They are going TO get some
thing for nothing.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-03-06
YOUNG IS RELEASED;
OWNER GETS CLOTHES

Admonitions that he beat it out of
other climes were dealt out to Ed
Young, the negro who was arrested
yesterday and held as a suspect in a
clothes robbery case. Young was ar
rested by Detective Herman Sehnert
and held for the theft of bundle of
clothes that was found in the Burling-
ton railroad yards two days ago. 1t
was discovered that the clothes were
taken from the home of another negro
as to whether Young is guilty Of the
theft could be established and so the
orders for him to vamoose were is,
sued by the police authorities.