Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1912-12-11
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= RANDOM SHAFTS OF WIT. =

Love is blind, but the prettier a girl
is the less apt is she to believe it.
Ambition never grows old. In fact.
it seldom reaches the age of maturity
Drink may drive away dull care, but
it always comes back little sharper
Many man who says he makes both
ends meet is merely stretching his i'm
agination.
Fame is bubble, but mighty few of
us get hold of the right kind of soap.
There is always a happy medium
/ Just because you aren't a knocker it
isn't necessary to be some other fell
lows anvil.
Elocution doesn't go far enough 1t
merely teaches us how to speak, not
when.
Nellie actually told me was dull
Belle suppose you convinced him
to the contrary?
Belle Certainly. I've cut him ever
since.
Charity begins at home, but we don't
always find it there, when we call.
One way to keep friend is by let
ting him keep his money.
What makes man want a change Of
government is when buying coal By
the ton costs almost as much as cigars
by the half box.
Strange to say too many eye-openers
will close a mans eyes.
The nose successful thing the devil
ever invented was fluffy, frilly things
pot to be seen except when they are.
A married man has reached the bot
tom of the ladder when he begins to
brag about his wifes relations.
How many more SHOWS are on the
pill for this winter?
Preaching the Shop Early" doctrine
S very easy, but practicing it is an
)ther thing.
Probably the man, if there were
such an one, who have had everything
ready for Christmas wouldn't enjoy
hings after all.
"A Chicago police matron claims
that big men make the best husbands.
I'm some cases, perhaps; but know
some little women who have succeed
ed fairly well at the business. -
Youngstown Telegraph.
It's tough on the society bud who
marries blooming idiot
George Washington never told a
lie. 1t does not seem possible" He
knew it would be of no use" "How
so?" He married widow, and you
can't lie to widow and get away
with it. Houston Post.
Every married man should keep a
stock of ready-made excuses on hand
Only after trying does a man realize
the many things he can't do.
No, Alonzo, woman never loses her
temper. If she has one to begin with,
she retains it as long as she lives.
Miss Gladys Wright, of Friendship
spent yesterday among the holiday
shoppers here.
Plump arms are never misjudged
elsewhere.
willie" said the teachers. lis there
any difference between the words 'suffi-
sient, and enough"
yes ma'am," replied Willie Stuff
cient is when mama thinks I've eaten
enough pie, and enough is when |
think l have eaten sufficient"
Blobbs-Do you think we shall know
each other in heaven?
/ Slobbs-Well, if we do there will be
lots of people there who will be just as
much surprised to see you as you will
be to see them.
| A bluff may prove an effective sub
stitute for the real goods
On the mistaken theory that there
is always room for one more, many IA
man tries to take home a bigger load
than he is capable of carrying.
Live and lei live is poor motto for
tytchers.
Never mind" said the ready made
philosopher, experience is the best
teacher" YES" replied the man who
/ is constantly in trouble, but a person
ought not to be expected to stay in
school all his life. Washington Star
1t is easier to write history than it
is to manufacture it.
You can jolly the average man by
referring to him as a prominent citi-
zen.
Poverty is no crime quoted the
Wise Guy. Right you are" agreed
the Simpe Mug Crime can generally
afford high-priced lawyer to defend
it,"
Begin at the bottom, and you won't
have so far to fall.
If you don't make friends you can't
expect your friends to make you.
Some men are naturally fast, and
others are tied to their wives apron
strings.