The sun., 1912-08-10
TIE BULL MOOSE TABERNACLE.
Heartrendlng and Slightly Explosive
Final Services Of the TheOdOrites.

Final services Of the TheOdOrites.
Hereafter the Coliseum will be known as
the First Church Of the Political Science
Soldiers. When the Bull Moose tolled the
big bell on his neck the faithful assembled
and the colored brethren from specific
latitudes sat way back in the rear.
Then the Father Of the Faithful the
Bull Moose Political Dowie, entered and
stood arm in arm beside Count Hiram of
California. Then. to use Seth Bullock g
words: Il prayed. and Dynamite Pete
prayed. and they 1.-The Heavenly Twinsl
prayed. and We all prayed" Not since
Mark Twain's description of the religious
movement Of the King and the Duke in
"Huckieberry Finn" has there been any
thing like it on the American continent.
| The musical olio was particularly i'm
preseive. especially the rendering of "My
Country. 'Tis Of ME-" Also the singing
Of "The Battle Hymn of the Republican
Boilers" and Onward. Political Science
Soldiers" Seth said that he felt as though
he were wearing q helmet and that he
was King Khakhi's arrnor bearer. But
Death Valley Dick said he had not come
for "ali this serious business" and that
he felt like one Of those 4crusading tender
foots' that he had seen on circus parade.
When the singing and the praying were
over An Oklahoma de legate said that he
had a sermon to read. but the Marquis
Of Finn said that he had to catch a $50
train for New York and the sooner
they got down to brass tacks the better.
This levity made several delegates cx-
ceedingly angry. Did the Marquis of
Finn imagine that they were going to
cork up all those orations that they had
paid railroad and hotel fare to deliver
merely because he had TO catch $50
train? These words touched the heart
of Baron Timothy woodruff. and he
said it WAS cruel ito hurry the orators.
For while it looked as though there was
going to he another involuntary para.
mount issue over this question OF cork eti
speech.
In the meantime King Khakhi had
skipped out through the wings. as II il
we'll known that he has an almost uncon-
querable aversion to hearing other people
speak, but naturally he could not stop
the flow Of his own moral delegates who
had travelled 80 many miles to spout. So
his Majesty went out to the stage entrance
/ IIduC a IttIc SItttU ITOIII Ine uoDT
steps to some cOlored delegates who had
been asked to sit ontside.
"My friends. said he. Il am sorry ! had
to put you out here in the cold when you
deserted the cause of the usurper for my
cause But it is done for your ultimate
good. have come out here not to max
any extended speech, but while those
tiresome delegates arc speaking within
saw an opportunity to make a speech a,
the side door, And since you insist
Will continue. l don't want you to pay
any attention to the poisoned negro press
in New York that is hostile TO me- Look
up their mortgages and you will find that
most OF them come from rotten Southern
!borouehs One Of them says that have
'relegated the Southern negro to politica
serfdom.' The man who wrote that Is q
hireling in the pay Of the big colorec
lslecial interests. DO believe me. hav.
your best interests at heart in the bottom
Of my soul. Just a. I stand for the hes
white souls in the South. revere the black
souls in the North. All souls look alike
ito me when il comes to moral issues anC
numerical strength
just at that moment the bell on thu
Bull Moose tolled again to announce the
entrance of the Chief Keynote speech o
acceptance. Seth said that what will
keynotes and Keystones his head was in
whirl. Then an awe inspiring hush fel
over the congregation as the King himself
took the pulpit. But of sudden the from
bones opened up and the machine gun lei
loose in the attic. and there was cheering
for 24i minutes.
When it began TO die down the Kinf
waved his arms to start it up again. il
true Dowie style. He said when he begal
to speak at 1 so p. M.'that it would onl,
take him "three minutes hut when II,
came down from the pulpit the clock sale
$40 p. NJ. The clock lied The Marquis
Of Finn wished he had not paid cash
for those reservat ions on that $50 train
But he would choke rather than leav,
in the midst Of a royal proclamation.
The proclamation read in part as fol
lows:
Friends and Southern black delegates
wish now to say how deeply sensitive
am to the way in which the nomination
has come to me. That is. of my futil,
endeav6rs to avoid it. Of my declaration.
again and again to shun il under any cir
cumstances. and finally. Of my humilit,
getting the hest OF me when the Republ
can party said that my throne was to b.
stolen from me by force. This forced
me to accept against my will or I've with
out a throne.
And friends. ] wish now to say how
. much thank the congregation for having
given me the running mate whom it ha.
given. have q peculiar feeling towart
Governor johnson. not unlike the peculia
feeling had for Mr. Taft when he wa
in my Cabinet. In Governor johnson
We have man whose every word is mad'
; good by the deeds he has done. (Thi
is almost an exact repetition of what
said of Mr. Taft on memorable occasion
therefore advise the Governor to be OF
his guard,) ! repeat he is man who's
every word is made good and am al
expert on men who make their wore
good
s,lvndlCatA nasehal1"