davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1912-12-13
HOW JOKES ARE
MANUFACTURED

farmer got a lot of slivers in his
hands, which caused him to indulge
in some eXpletives But when he at
tempted to brush the last of the swarm
into the box they stung his hands even
worse than the splinters had done. AS
ne stopped to pull out the stings, he
remarked TO his helper: L think the
bees are a great deal worse than the.
hives. don't you, johnny"
~ don't know, sir replied John
ny. L never had the bees.
\ joke of this description will read
lily sell to an editor for 80 or 40 cents,
and it doesn't take long to write it.
Sometimes you may be able to res
urrect an ancient joke, something you
may have read in history, clothe it in
twentieth century language, and make
il pass muster even. with the best of
editors, for these fossilized, embalmed
and otherwise mummified jokes often
possess the true giggle germ with
in. You can take the "grinning skel-
eton" of joke, as 1t were, vivify 1t
and make it talk like a live one. For
example:
The excited Carthagenians were
getting ready to torture Regulus by
rolling him down hill in barrel. In
order to make the trip interesting
they had driven lot of sharp pointed
nails into the cask, with the points
sucking inside like bristles.
DO you think you will enjov the
ride asked a guard of Reggy.
think I'll stick to the finish.
anyway, responded Reggy."
But if YOU happen to write scar
caStlc Joke be sure to pull its stinger
ere YOU send it to the editor. This NAV
Mi the joke outright. But even So
it We're better thus.
YOU VIII find the editor seated at
rosewood desk. with clinical trim.
ihlhgs' esconced within a gilt cage.
Vhls latter because he is valuable
man partly also to prevent his es-
cape Il he suddenly goes batty over
some contributions he is obliged to
read.
insist upon reading your manuscript
aloud and carefully note the effect
upon the editor. If it is A sure tbfng
y. G' giglet, he will coldly turn the
editorial back, go to the mirror and
commence to make faces at himself
IN the glass. If this occurs. leave
hurriedly, as it is an infallible sign
that the editorial gore is rising; in
Iact' he may have his finger on the
Fool-killer" button right then.
IL he smokers, do not immediately
s"eil up. Make sure what kind of a
laugh 1t is. If it is a full, healthy
snort of pure, hilarious, poyful glee
all is Well Everything is lovely and
.ne goose hangs high. Just make a
muse IKE an old-fashioned shoe peg
ana say nothing. Presently you NAV
get the glad handshake and a pleas
ant smile. r. in New York Herald
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1912-12-13
TO DISCUSS ROADS IN INDIANA;
IMANYPROM|NENT SPEAKERS ATTEND

mates for 1913 will provide for the
first instalment towards the construc-
ton of a new Hohenzollern, which is
to be primarily safer" than the ves-
sci in which the Kaiser has toured the
seas for the last twenty years. As
the initial instalment is put down at
a million and quarter dollars. and
the yacht is to be ready for commits
sion in the spring of 1915, it seems to
be contemplated to build two and
half million dollar craft for the
War Lords peregrinations afloat.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1912-12-13
LONDONERS BAND TO
BAR AMERICAN FILMS

London.-An ornagized attempt is
to be made to exclude American films
from the English cinema theaters.
Whether this is the beginning of a
movement to use English manufac-
tured films only in English picture
houses. 1t is impossible to say, nor
can 1t be ascertained at present who
are the moving spirits. or IL all the
picture theater proprietors are in un-
ison on the matter.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1912-12-13

Wanted to buy a REIMBURSEMENT
Address !. e. Stevens. sos Garden
street. Pendleton. Oregon.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1912-12-13

Berlin.-The German naval est
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1912-12-13

WILL BUILD NEW
YACHT FOR KAISER
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1912-03-27
$1,000 To Entertain Boys.

Columbia, March 21.-The Colum-
bia city council today appropriated
$1,000 for the entertainment of the
boys who will attend the National
Corn Show here in 1918. George Ste
phenson, secretary and general mana
ger of the National Corn Show, ap-
peared before council and explained
that he expected at least two boys
from every county of all the States of
the Union to be in Columbia in at
tendance op the corn show.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1912-03-27
Advice ON How TO Succeed

Nc human being can remain sta 10. =
ary; he either advances or retro
grades.
Napoleon said Of the failure of the
Bourbon family: They never learned
anything and never forgot anything"
You must develop.
From day to day yon must bring to
bear an ever increasing wisdom-the
application of lessons learned.
Every incident of your daily toll
should be made an educational Incl
dent.
The average young man does not
learn, until perhaps too late, that it
does not pay to fritter and idle away
his time.
Make study of those who have
gone to the head; ascertain what they
did in any given emergency.
In any emergency a mans conduct
is the result of the way in which, from
earliest youth, he has met the obsta-
cles he encountered.
Thomas E. Edison says: "Do not
watch the clock; do not chase aside
after rainbows; keep everlastingly at
and master the task of the time being.
The truly successful man recognizes
that, from time to time, he will re-
ceive setbacks. The man who over
comes these is the man of achievement
and of eventful success.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1912-03-27
Si;1l
Wowew

When shown positive and reliable proof that certain
remedy had cured many OF female s wouldn't any
sensible woman conclude that the remedy would also
benefit her if suffering with the same trouble!
Here are five letters from southern women which prove
the efficiency Of Lydia E. Pinkhams Vegetable Compound.
LETTER FROM VIRGINIA.
Val feel duty to express my thanks 5 70 & ya & ana your your
8nd bed time for ten months could not 90 my
ng spells that husband could not leave me
SNow owe my health Lydia and
Blood Purifier Whenever suffering woman % ms 90 @ od for
thenLMrs. ROBERT Elon Montgomery Co., Va
LETTER FROM LOUISIANA.
New Orleans LaI passing through the Change OF Lie ana M
foeI Lydia Compound was troubled with
aet up in the morning feeling anything
taking g1as e es sao Ga GAsros
BIoNDEAU, 154 Poymnia St. New Orleans La.
LETTER FROM FLORIDA.
Wauchula time wrote to giving y0u my symp
backache bearngeown and discomfort IN
cot two bottles Lydia Vegetable Compound and
package all used make well woman
am satisfied like good and had
would have been great sufferer ut starte
either feel you and would rather use
your have doco"-rs MATTE HoDNoE BOX % "au
chnla, Florida
LETTER FROM WEST VIRGINIA.
Martnsburg va"I glad that Lydia E. Pnkhams yege
wonders mother and
che @ comp1aining With cramps She tells
7s N sd St. Man0urg' '" va
ANoTB z3R LETTER FROM VIRGINIA.
Newport ago with sucn pans
friend told me Lydia nkham Vegetable Compound and
oon strengthened every way and my
will help $50 who is 5SasTng Tdna
W. j. BIAYToN 1929 Hampton Ave. newport
News, Va
WIZ don't you try this reliable ren1edy2
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1912-03-27
Backache Almost Unbearable

Is an almost certain result of kidney
trouble. D. Toomey. SO3 E. Olive St.,
Bloomington, ILL.,, says: Il suffered
with backache and pains in roy kidneys
which were almost unbearable. gave
Foley Kidney tills a good trial, and
they done wonders for me. Today l
can dc hard days work and not feel
the effects.'' Kaufman Drug Co.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1912-03-27

R. G.. Collins, Postmaster, Barnegat,
N. j., was troubled with severe lc-
grippe cough. He says: Il would be
Completely exhausted after each fit OF
violent coughing. I bought a bottle
of Eoley's Honey and Tar Compound
and before had taken it all the cough
ing spells had entirely ceased 1t can't
be beat.' Kaufman Drug Co.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1912-03-27

Cheves Ligon and William Pully,
two young white men, were crossing
the Enoree river at Enoree on Friday
evening, when their boat capsized.
Ligon was drowned.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1912-03-27
TERMS OF SALE.

One-third CASH, balance in two
equal annual payments Except the
lots without South Carolina, which
shall be all cash) with interest on each
installment from day Of sale, and un-
til paid in full, at the rate OF eight per
cent. per annum, interest to be paid
annually or to become principal an
nually and bear interest at the same
rate until paid in full, to be secured
BY bond of purchaser and mortgage OF
premises sold; said bond and mort
gage to provide for the collection OF
the usual 10 per cent. attorneys fee
in case same be placed in an attorneys
hands for collection, action or fore
closure; mortgage to contain de-
fault cl ause providing against non
payment of first installment, or annual
interest, at it's maturity. Lots where
there are buildings shall be insured for
full insureable value and policy as
signed to the undersigned as clerk
Purchaser shall have privilege to pay
anv greater part than one-third in
cash.-Purchaser to pay for drawing
of deed and mortgage and for record
ing mortgage.
FRANK W. SHEALY,
G. G. @. P. and G. S,
H.C. Holloway, G. J. Ramage and
F. E. Dreher, Attorneys.
Mar 4, 1912-4w21.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1912-03-27
TRACT NO. 20.

All that lot of.land, in the County
of Cape May, State of New Jersey,
known and designated as Lot 10,
Block 2, Map l, Tract c., on Plan
of Building Lots, known as Elmhurst.
being the same conveyed to the said
M. Il. Witt by VIM. L. Mattox, by
deed dated June 25, 1900 ALSO, those
5wo certain other lots in said county
and state, known and designated as
Lots S and 6, Block 4, Map l, Tract G.,
of Elmhurst-being the same lots con-
veyed to the said NJ. H. Witt by VIM.
L. Mattox, by deed dated July 7th'
1900.
~ Plats will be exhibited on day
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1912-03-27

STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA,
County of Lexington.
In Court of Common Pleas.
Ellen M. Witt, individually, and as
Administrators of Michael II. WIFI,
deceased, John NJ. Witt and Clar-
ence Witt, Plaintiffs,
VS..
Catherine E. Bryan, ct. al, Defend
ants.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23
FRED HIRES SOLD
UNPUNCHEO TICKETS
Conductors Who Were in on
the Scheme Were Dis
charged by Company.

According to the Palladium's infOr-
nation, secured from the office of the
superintendent of the city street car
system of the Terre Haute, IndianapO-
lis and Eastern Traction company,
Fred Hires was the man who bought
unpunched tickets from conductors for
81 a hundred and sold them to pa
irons of the lines for 49,
The conductors who sold the tickets
to Hires were discharged. Hires will
not be prosecuted by the company.
The detection Of the scheme by
which the company was defrauded is
attributed to a Burns operative who
posed as a. good fellow and wOrmed
his way into the confidence of con-
ductors.
To assist him in his work. it is said
that the FairvieW schedule was chang
ed from fifteen to thirty minutes. The
detective made friends with the con-
ductors that were in on the scheme
and soon learned to whom they sold
tickets.
Hires did not deny the charge when
he was called before the superinten-
dent of the system. Investigation
showed that he was poor man and
that this was his first attempt to Sc
cure money fraudulently.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23

in St. Mary's cemetery. Rev. Father
Cronin will have charge. Friends may
call any time.
CORYELL-Everett Otto Coryell.
aged years, died Monday morning
at the home OF his father and mother.
Mr.. and Mrs. Waldo Coryell. Hunt
street. in Benton Heights. Funeral
arrangements will be announced later.
SHEfFER-Louise Shelter wife Of
Lewis Shelter, died Saturday night at
the home OF her mother, Mrs Sophia
Benfeldt, after a lingering Illness, at
the age OF So years. She is survived
by husband, two daughters. d moth
er. four brothers, Walter, Ernest, Paul
and James Benfeldt, and four sisters.
Mrs. Graham, Mrs. Herbert Meyers OF
Marion, Indiana, Miss Margaret and
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23
YOUNG tLOPERS ARE
HELD BY POLICE
Rustic Swain and Young Girl
Arrested a Few Minutes
After Their Wedding.

Forty minutes after justice of the
peace had declared them man and
wife, Chief OF Police, Gormon walked
between them, placed a hand on their
shoulders, and quietly asked Mr.. and
Mrs. James Wray to return to the city
building with him.
The young husband is James Wray,
aged %, farm hand living in Abing-
ton, Wayne county. The bride was
Miss Hattie M. Vance, aged 10, living
with her father near Abingdon. They
are clippers in every sense OF the word,
and although their anticipated honey
moon will not take place today be-
cause of temporary police obstacles
they are certain that it will ensue
shortly.
The song, "Wait Till the Sun Shines
Nellie" would be apropos. The young
bride, bravely checking the tears
which persisted in coursing down her
cheeks, said she loves her husband and
that they are going to be happy. And
they will, if she has her way.
They are now at the city building
the bride in the chiefs private office,
and the husband in the sergeant's of
flee. They are awaiting the arrival of
her father, who, the girl says, will give
vent to his pent up anger.
The girls story is as follows:
Young Wray had been counting the
sister of his young wife. The sister is
nineteen years old. Her mother is
nact
off the elder sister for the younger sis
ter. The father was angry and declar-
ed that his youngest daughter should
not receive the attentions of Wray,
However, the old maxim, where
there's a will there's way" proved
itself again. 1t was her first sutton. He
gave her pretty things and they soon
had permanent trysting places.
Yesterday morning she started to
walk to Sunday school. She had no in
tention of meeting her beau. When she
neared the little country church, Wray,
in his buggy, overlook her He asked
her to ride and he took her to the
church. She stepped inside the church
but did not remain for Sabbath school
and shortly afterwards she slipped out
and jumping into Wray's buggy, the
two drove to Richmond.
Wray has a cousin living on North
/ street. They stayed at Mr.. and Mrs
Clark's home last evening.
This afternoon about 100 o'clock
they appeared at the county court
house, and hand in hand marched up
to the steps and along the corridor tC
the door upon which is inscribed
County Clerk
They secured the license, then made
their way to the office of Luther c.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23

Miss Freda Benfeldt OF this city. The
funeral will be held Tuesday after
noon from the Benfeldt home, corner
South avenue and Thirteenth streets,
at one o'clock Burial in ElAhOrn
cemetery Friends may call any time
RAWSkI-John A Rawski. aged
four months. died last night at 1880
O'Clock at the home OF his parents.
Mr. and Mrs Frank Rawski. 50 South
second street The funeral WAS held
this afternoon from ST. Andrews
church Burial in St. Andrews GENE
terry.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23
Gifts for Men

Mems Ties the prettiest ever, Csc and SOC.
Mems Suspenders, fancy boxed, Csc to S1.O0.
Mems Shirts, best styles and values in the city,
at SOC, 81. 90.
Leather Bags, extra values, at SOC, S1.0O, S1.50.
Linen Towels at 25c to 81 90.
Table Linens beautiful qualities and patterns,
at SOC to ST 80 Yd.
Mems Handkerchief, sc to 25c.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23

Abbott and the holy bond OF matri-
mony was tied-never TO be broken
asunder, the young lovers say.
The brides mother is dead. Her
fathers name is Samuel Vance,
Wray's father is Pete Wray. now lily
ing in Kentucky. His mother, who is
married again, resides in Arlington.
The brides father is on the way to
Richmond. The young couple were 60
ing to Hamilton, O., on their honey
moon, then they intended TO write TO
her father asking forgiveness.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23
DUNDON IS DEAD
Charter Member of St. Mary 5
Church Died Sunday.

Edward Dundon. aged 70, died at
his residence. 500 North Fifteenth
street. Saturday after a lingering ill
ness. covering a period OF seven years
He is survived by WIDOW. two sons
and five daughters. The funeral Will
be held Tuesday morning from ST. An
drew's church Rex. Father Cronin
will be in charge, The deceased was
a pioneer resident OF Richmond and
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23
One Way of PUTTING IL

My dear boy" said Enpeck. who
happened TO be in 4 confidential mood.
YOU will never know what real happi-
ness is until you get married.
You don't mean it" exclaimed Sin
greron. astonished at such a remark
from such an unexpected source
Its fact rejoined Enpeck: but
then II will he too late for you TO appre-
riare il IL nnnnn AnSwarS
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23

Wayne county having resided here for
more than fifty years He was char
ter member Of ST. Mary's church and
not only watched its growth. but help
ed make possible its growth He was
born in the count OF LimewiCk, Ire
land and came to America when u
young boy.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23
A Few Extraordinary Gift Things
That Will Make Brisk Business Tomorrow

Women's Fancy Fine Thread Lisle
Hose, worth 75c, Sl.OO, $1.25 pair,
tomorrow CSC Pr, for S1.25.
Mems SOC Fancy Socks, tomorrow
at Csc Pr.
Women's and Children's Knitted Slip
pers, wool lined sole, SOC Pair.
Children's Wool Knit Sweaters, all at
Special prices.
Wool Knit Automobile Hoods, at SOC
to ST 80. $500. $1,000. .....
Back Combs, fine Rhinestone Set
tings, SOC, 81 90 up to $3.50.
Silk Scarfs, S1.OO values, SOC.
25c Heavy Taffeta Hair Ribbons, 19c.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23

Fine Nainsook Corset Covers, hand
embroidered designs, special, soc.
Fine Nainsook Gowns, beautiful hand
embroidered designs, 81 to $3.50.
Princess Slips, fine Nainsook, hand
embroidered, $1.25 to So.
Pretty Embroidered Table Scarfs and
Covers, SOC.
81 Silkoline Comforts, Special S1.50.
Fine Wool Blankets, $3.50 value,
at ?.o8 pair.
Plaid Beacon Blankets, all colors,
at $3.50 Pr.
SIPS heavy Cotton Blankets, only Csc
pair.
All Dressed Dolls, u price tomorrow.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23
Gifts for Women

Womens Handkerchief, 2 for SC up to S1.5O
Childrens Handkerchief, 2 for sc and SC; also
10c and 15c per box of three.
Childrens Outing Gowns, SOC.
Childrens Outing Sleepers, SOC.
Childrens Rompers, SOC, 75c, Sl00.
Women's Knit Petticoats, SOC, 75c, $1.00.
Kid Body Dolls 60 at one-half price.
$1.25 Women's Cape Kid Cloves SOC.
$500 12-button length Kid Gloves, white on
ly, $50 Pr.
$50 l6-hutton length Kid Cloves S2.49 Pair.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23
LOST,

Pocketbook containing $40 bill and
TWO 81 bills Return TO Palladium of
flee. Reward 23-tf
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23
NUSBAUM'S
The Last Days

all kinds of
kinds Absolutely
Rich
We
served Therefore
O n
sble
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23
Deaths and Funerals

DOLAN-Charles ]. Dolan. "a years
of age, died Saturday night at his
home, 119 North Third street. He is
survived by a mother, five sisters and
three brothers. The funeral will be
held Thursday morning at 9 O'Clock
from the St. Andrews church. Burial
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-23

Marriage Licenses.

James Wray, %, farmer, Arlington.
and Hattie NJ. Vance. IS, Wayne coun-
ty.
James A. Brumbach, %, zinc work
er, MunCie, and Mary Williams, L.
rify
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-25
For Eczema a

Use mild soothing wash that instant ly stops the itch.
 We have sold many other remedies for skin trouble but none that we could D. D. Prescription. If had Eczema I'd
 D. D. D. Prescription Collier Drug Co.,, Birmingham: w. D. Taylor, Druggist, Bessemer; Lewis Drug Co.,, Bessemer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-02-25
Real Estate Transfers

Deeds were placed on record yesterday in the probate office showing the follow ing transfers of property, the considera- ton being 5000 or more:
 s400o-A. B. Harris and F. P. May to Mrs. Mary Gum Gaines, feet off of ihe west side of lot and 2 feet off of the east side of lot ', in block 136. according to the present plan of the city of Bir- mingham.s
 $3900-Eula N. Collins to Menzo W. Parsons, lot 15 and the east half of lot 14. in block A, according to the survey of the Fountain Heights Land company.
 $3000-S. F.. Webb and husband, M. E. Webb, to Della w. Enslen, the west 49 feet of lot 5, in block of Haskett and Muller's survey of North Birmingham.
 $1125-George M. White and Lula to J. M. Sherroll, lot 1, in block 4, according to the survey of part of the southwest quarter of the northwest quarter of sec- ton 29. township 1T. range west
 $25O0-George B. Kelley to c, M. Latin am, lots and s. in block 3, in. the survey of Magnolia Heights, in the city of Bir- mingham
 s325O-c. P. Ludwig to J. R. Gardner, lots 2. 23. 24 and 25. in block 6l. and lots 21 and 22, in block g., all according to the survey of the West End Land and Improvement company.