The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-11-03

rum it. So far as we know he may eat torpedoes on toast three times a day, and 90 ioy riding on a submareen with grate gusto and a sinking sensasion three times a week. But because Secretery Wilsun used to farm and Attorney General Wick ersham used to attorney, one mite get the impression that in picking out Secretery of the Navy they would select persun who could offhand tell the differince be- tween an armed Croozer and a three card flush.
 When there is no war there is nuthing to keep the Secretary of the Navy rum having a perfectly good time, exsept the wurry of keeping up with what the uther powers air doing toward bilding big ships There is worlds series on between the Nasions of grater bitterness and moor in- tense rivalry than that oe the resent fite between the Giants and the Red Sox, to see which can bild the biggest battleship. They air biIding them so big now that there can't moor than two of them get in the Pacific at the same time without nook ing off a tu1rett or two, and if our navy keeps on growing Congress will have to make an appropriation to enlarge the ocean, and still von keeps on wurrying dDOUJ ll--llllll d0d AdJl IlODSuu.
 A long time ago the most expensive thing about our Navy was the Admerels uniform, now it costs moor to bild bat tleship than it does to elect United States Senater thru the medium of a peevish and unreesunabull Legislature. This craze for big ships is getting to be a nasional disease.
 It takes about three yeers and enuff ,II .I,oI,c ,1ofo, 4<, bild battleship, and about the time it is finished we cum to the painful reealiza- ton that it is sadly out of date We dis covver that battleships ant waring hobbe skerts this yeer, and that they no longer cut the coming tower on the byas, and esr brand new dred nought of only 150 thS send tons displacsemint looks like the SuS day nite colectsion at Punkin Senter, com pared with the Bull Moose campaign funl along side the new See Monstur being bilA by Japan.
 All these things worry von, and cause him to becum preematurely bald. But von can congratulates himself on one thing, and that he hasn't got long to wurry ovver it. then aftur he gets out if sum forrain nasion cums ovver here and shoots mise round hole thru the Singer Blding, or tyes a haw- SCI dIOuHtt lOIlud anu IdulS tu6 OD1teu States down about the equatur why 1t won't be his falt--von is considering not being Secretery of the Navy next seesun--- and no doubt but what he will be allowed I to gratify himself in this whim Von has been ambasserder to Itally and Rusha, and poastmastur genneral and then Secretery of the Navy and has newer had an onkore yet So when he makes his little bow and retires. it is quite likely that the Peepul will not insist upon him staying on the job
 Still von is all rite No one can mock him and stick to facts He has intense prejudice against too much mummy accll- muating in the United States Treasury bilding, when we air so desperately in need of battleships, but out side of that von is all rite--for you've got to remember that he was born in Bostun Bostun, where they won a worlds series by an eyelash--- and skorched one at that Yours trooly, BILL VINES.
 Washington, D. c.