The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1912-03-23
BY GEORGE MARTIN.

Lewis), the now-you-see- -him-and-now-
you-dont mayor of Indianapolis, wants
to be Governor of Indiana.
Selah!
Also Gottinhimmel!
That is not the worst of it. Chances
| are. il he runs he'll be elected. Elected
not because he is competent; not be-
cause he is a practical student Of COM
| monwealth government; not because
he has made a good record as mayor
of Indianapolis-there is truth in none
! OF these becauses.
Lew Shank, tif he runs) will be
elected governor of Indiana because
he 10 a slap-stick comedian of sur
passing ability showing new tricks in
| a new field.
"Tis true, 'tis pity; and pity tbs.
| it's true"
The secret of Lew Shank's success
as candidate for office is found in a
study Of his personality. Tersely put
he is successful candidate by virtue
of his hand-shaking, shoulder-slap, rib
punching, storytelling. baby kissing
proclivities combined with the use of
an open, perpetual smile and the cease
less employment of "by gosh," "i
Jacks" and "by gum" in the distribu-
tion Of his choice line of punk English
In these thing Lew excels. He has
all others up tree bowling for help
in voice sprained with despair and
torn with agony. He has the ordinary,
common or garden variety OF vote-get-
ter backed off the map in forty differ
ent directions. He is rag-time win
ner both ways from the dial. He is a
successful politician. net, not gross.
| Joey Healing, (youknowJoD was
looking about for Mayor. In the
course of his meandering search he
found bowling to heaven from an auc-
ton block A Person. Joe asked his
name and someone said:
"Why. that's Lew Shank. Don't you
know Lew?"
"He is the man 1 want for Mayor
Quoth Joey. And he plucked Lew from
the auction block and held him wrig-
Cling, aloft, crying out in loud voice:
"Vex Populi come hither; see what
a fine, new Mayor l have for you"
| Vox Populi came and looked upon
the treasure with admiring eyes. And
they clasped their hands in ecstacy
and chuckled within their throats; and
chuckled within their throats; and
they kicked up their heels and chatter
ed among themselves and were much
elated
And Lew being set down upon the
ground went round about among them,
| slapping each in his turn upon the
back and guffawing loudly the while.
And with each back-slap he made ten
votes and was elected and there was
great joy and lound acclaim in the viii
lage.
| And it is written that from then
until now there has been a vaudeville
performance of SURPRISING quality in
the mayors office at indianapolis.
And there have been benefit perform
ances in the country surrounding In
dianapolis, and in foreign lands, and
in Missouri.
! And Lew went into the East and
there was greeted by an army of
scribes who did him great homage and
went about in the dark watches of
the night, tearing their locks to the
accompaniment of horrible grimaces
and dismal yammerings in their wild
efforts, to draw eulogies upon their
Lew.
| And Lew came back into the land Of
the Hoosiers and continued his per-
formances at the City Market, where
he sold great quantities of punk pota-
toes, muddy mince-meat and other
viands, shrieking the while:
"See! See how l am swatting the
middleman."
And those who ate his wares after
having swallowed his CUFF did see in
deed how he was 'swatting the middle
man." for they, the purchasers, were
the middlemen and they were dread
fully swatted with dyspepsia and great
pains.
And it came to pass that Lewis
goods, land the record may be found
within the archives) were condemned
by his own administration as they lay
within their box-cars upon the tracks.
But Lew went about laundering in
such loud voice that the condemna-
tion went unheard and the people
greatly praised their Lew.
And it is written that Joey Healing
is the stage manager of this perform
ance, and that there is much prepara-
ton for Greater, Grander, Mastadon
Production at the State House. And
there will be weeping and wailing and
gnashing of teeth when Lewis leaves