Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-06
HOW no REcoME FAMOUS.

meal ticket.
HOW TO BECOME FAMOUS.
We have a letter from a young man
who Is yearning to become famous, hav-
ing tired Of the humdrum Of q bucolic
existence. We are asked to put him
on the road TO fame. It IL not 30 very
difncult. IL the young man will just
follow any one Of the suggestions APP
pended hereto he will have his full
name In large letters on the first page
OF every newspaper in the
Solve the problem OF perpetual mo-
ton.
Invent a time clock which every hus-
band must punch when ne arrives home
late at night.
Run for president OF this country and
be elected.
Give $4,000. 900 to a university.
Fly across the Pacific ocean in an
Aeroplane.
Invent u collar button that will not
roll under the bureau.
Get up q list of excuses for night
prowling husbands which will stand the
suffraget test.
Write the .long-looked for great
American novel.
Invent a pearl shirt stud that can
be found when wanted.
~
NEVER AoAn II
The poets bAwl
OF gentle fall
In language that is rich.
They hang q blum.
And sell the stun
To magazines md such.
They rave and shout
And rhyme about
The fragrance of The air.
And Of the Joy
Without alloy
That fingers everywhere.
But when 1t snows
And rains and blows.
And does a dozen stunts
With hail and sleet.
And lightning sheet
And does 'em all at once
When nature drops
And deftly fops
A backhand somersault.
A thing right now
You will allow
It's time to call a halt.
My Tyre ia still
And never will
Twang for you as OF yore.
Oh, autumn. you
Can sure go to-
I'll boost your game no MOI
THE GOOD OLD MELLOwDRAM.
Some say they like grand opera and
think 1t Is immense.
And buy their tickets for 1t, regard
less of expense.
They hear a lot of language they can
not understand,
Because they can't zee through 1t. they
call the opera grand"
They go to hear Caruso n Tetraz-
zini screech
In high falutin' grammar that's quite
beyond their reach.
They wear their silks and diamonds
and leave their shoulders bare
And miss no opportunity to let folks
know they're there.
They heal the fancy music and think
it's out OF sight
Because the tenor pulls down a thou
sand plunks a night.
Although he couldn't cop out one
tenth OF that at home.
And that's the reason why he has
crossed the oceans foam.
Some Dago organ grinder picks up q
fancy lame.
Comes over in the steerage and grabs
a bunch OF fame.
And when the folks have heard him
and when the show is out,
They wonder what In thunder the
thing wag all about.
Not for your Uncle Dudley. The
grand stuff I will pass.
The show that gets my Doodle IL one
that has some class.
Where actors do some actin and speak
United States.
And not some foreign lingo that
sQueeks n Jars and CRATES.
There's always somethin' dom in
each and every act.
And human love or hatred becomes
a living fact.
The hero and the william is scrappin'
all the time.
AND when the william gets his, by gosh
1t is sublime.
l love them there explosions that
make the women scream.
Then sawmtlls and pile-drtvers 10
sure q perfect dream.
Them pasteboard rains a~-scootin'
across the stage IL great.
You hold your breath a~-foArfn' the
hero will be late,
But no. by heck. he gets there upon
his trusty steed.
And grabs his sweetheart to him.
right in the time Of need.
For real. bang-up show actin that
goes with dash and slam,
There's nothing that can equal the
good old mellowdram.
THE ROAD TO WEALTH.
Little Willie couldn't learn much.
Folks all thought he was a fool:
Didn't study. but played baseball
When he AhOul0 have hoon IN aohno1