Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-10-31

He was there. all right. and II. de-
clares that the following is a true ac-
count of what happened
The Kansas City man. the town
marshal and one other We're walking
up the main street when the Kansas
Cttyan was suddenly seized with a
thirst.
"Ill show YOU the way to the saloon,
but l don't go With you," said the
mentins the fact that the towns going
dry and ! don't want to have to make
any pinches until l get Il new paddock
for h %calaboose door"
Within the saloon there was an air
OF mingled sadness and hilurity. Six
OF the brawnicst ''wets" were in pos
session and the liquor was flowing
fast. The Kansas City man and his
friend accepted a general invitation.
Just then the town drunk came in.
Where in thunder nave you been %
demanded the largest of the men be-
for the bar.
"Fishin:" replied the town drunk.
Just shin
terday when all this dry votin' was
going NJ"
The town disgrace hung his head.
"Ffshin',' he said suilenly. Why.
i was jist tishin'."
all SIX n nsil' at once %e.s YIN sSi., a %ssi".'' and
this town going dry by one vote. You
might have tied that Vote aud you
We're nshin'."
Suddenly, declares the Kansas City
and legs and the town drunk became
the center of a t~ornado-like mass OF
humanity. Finally he managed to roll
out through the door and took to his
heels.
Fishing" scornfully exclaimed thai
L hiOOouf tnun .sTlfv,N fahfps Nrhova TIM
town was goin' dry!
In 81 certain town VI Nebraska lives
q man who has been SO unfortunate as
to lose three wives, who We're buried
side by side. For q long time the
economical Ncbraskan deliberated as
to whether he should erect a separate
headstonc fore each, commemorating
her virtues. but the expense deferred
him. Finally a happy solution of the
Christian name of each engraved on
a small stone-"Mary,'' "Elizabeth,"
"Matildn"-a hand cut on each stone
pointing to a large stone in the center
of the lot. and undo each hand the
words: For epitaph see large stone"
well sir said h old gentleman
Indignantly. what are you doing round
hero again? I thought that delicate
hint l gave YOU with my boot just as
| you left the front door last night would
| give you to understand that i don't
like you-won't have you-cominG
| here"
1T did" said the young man who
! was "after' the daughter, az a look OF
mingled pain and admiration came
| over the face: but ] thought ] would
come back and ask you-"
ASK WHAT"
III YOU wouldn't like to join our foot
ball club?s
Bill Sprague kept "a grocer shop I'm
he set off for New York to buy a lot
of goods. The goods were dispatched
Immediately and AS Bill had fingered
in New York sightseeing. they reached
home before him.
The goods, in an enormous packing
case, were driven to the shop by the
local cXpressman. Mrs. Sprague came
out to see what had arrived, and with
a Shrek tottered and nearly fell.
.Oh, what's the matter. ma'am"
cried a neighbor.
Mrs. Sprague, her eyes blinded With
tears, pointed to the packing ease,
| whereon was stenciled in large black
letters:
"Bill inside"
CHANGING hastily down the pages OF
Tommy Jones' examination papers the
teachers heart thrilled over Tommy's
unexpectedly good showing. for not
Of the questions remained unanswered.
| But Il upon subjecting the papers to a
more careful perusal her pride in Tom
my's proficiency had q fall. After sew
en- of the 10 questions Tommy had
written politely:
Il am sorry tina this is IA subject on
which have no information"
We'll, Ole fellow, J hear that your
grandmother Is dead"
Yes. she died yesterday" replied the
way of the world. We must all die
sometime. and the old lady was we'll
advanced in years.
"She left a will and testament? '
"Oh. yes, she left IL VIII and tcsta-
ment." still more sadly.
You were always q ~favorfte OF hers.
Your name was mentioned, OF course? ?"
to stream down his cheeks. my name
was mentioned. I'm to have the tesla
ment.'
Spurgeon was once asked if the man
who learned to play a cornet OH Sun
day would go to heaven.
The great preachers reply was
characteristic. Said ne: 81 don't see
why he llould not. but"-after u pause
II doubt whether the man next door
will"
Visitor-I came all the way from
the city to consult your lawyer Jones
Uncle Eben-Nope: we don't consid-
er hin one. two. three with Smith.
Why. Smiths been intrusted with the
local agency of the Knott Knitting
Needle, the dispensing of Daggett's
Druglcss Dope. and the demonstrating
80 No. IL