New-York tribune., 1912-03-10
ARE WOMEN WITTY
BY HELEN Nj. WINSLOW

scholarly magazine, will in itself appeal TO
the person who happens to be blessed with
a sense of humor: a Joke is funny because
man is an intellectual entity: because his
mind is a miCrOcoSm; because this micro
cosm is guarded by a central intelligence
which sets this miniature world in order and
guards it from chaos; because the central
intelligence is supplied with an extra guard
against close and sudden attacks upon the
citadel of crcdcncc, an extra faculty for dis
eliminating sudden imposturc at close range.
A Joke is funny because it has aSsalcd the
citadel of credcncc without success"
Too bad Mark Twain did not know that!
RUT as to women. Are they witty; No
- one who has known Julia Ward Howe or
Kate Sanborn can wholly deny it. The de-
Scription of a modern reception, "Gigglc,
gabble, gobbc get. SO often attributed to
Holmes, was made by well known society
woman of Philadelphia. and that remark
that AZ sense of being well dressed gives to
woman a tranquility which even religion
cannot hcStow, was originated by Helen
Choate Prince, a niece Of Rufus Choatc.
Mama" said little FloSsic one day,
"whcn ! grow up. if ! get married, will |
have a husband like Papa" an
Swcrcd the mother And if | don't get
married, will have to be an old maid like
Aunt Kate" "Ycs, again said the mother.
FloSSic sat lost in thought. MAMA" she
said at last, "thS is Il tough world for us
women. amt it,"
y speaker at a suffrage meeting was "up
against it" on one occasion, when he burst
out, Did anyone ever sec an ideal woman;
Nobody answered. Did anyone ever
g,,,.l,J,. Il ,,.I,, l.,.u. g., ilnal
MANI" Then a weary little woman rose in
the back Of the room. 81 know a man who
has seen an ideal woman, she said mecky.
And who was the woman" asked the
speaker. "Alv husbands first wife.
There was another woman who sat 10y
while her husband ran TRADE against their
daughter beau. "ConStantia, he said, ad-
dressing the daughter, 81 have never in all
my life seen such a soft, green, Spoonv
Young fool as that Paddington who comes
here to see YOU. II have. said the mother
quietly but with emphasis.
Then there was the farmers wife whom he
addressed one night, after reading an article
on French history, saving, "Do YOU know
what I'd have done if had been \apolcon;"
Yes. | do" she answered. YOU'D have
settled down in Corsica and spent your hic
grumbling about bad luck and hard times
An old hen was languidly pccking at
some tacks in the shed floor "Now, what
do YOU suppose that old hen is eating
tacks for? asked Tom. "PcrhapS she isl
going to lay a carpet, responded his wife
That recalls one OF Kate SanbornS Sto-
rics MAMA, asked a little girl docs a
hen set or Sit:"-"I don't know, and don
care" replied her mother. What | dol
want to know is, when hen cacklcs is She
laying or lying;
Speaking Of hens, here is one. An odd
man up in Vermont persisted in bringing in
the nest egg every time he garncrcd the
fruit of the hennery. The results were some
times disastrous. and his wife one day took
him to task pa" she began, "why is II
YOU are always bringing in the nest egg:
Can't YOU tell il from the rest? If YOU can =
you'd better learn. -"No, Sarah, ne said,
IL can't. | guess III have TO take pencil
out and write on the egg. This IS the nest
egg" The old lady looked at him with
disgust. "Now. Pa, she retortcd, don I
YOU think YOU are a lcctlc mite too old to be
actin as private secretary to an old hen;
IN every well regulated family there are
L more witty things said than ever reach
print Well do remember day when |
was one Of a large family OF noisy children,