Evening star., 1912-11-10

thousand other umbrellas and then, forti-
fled by the consciousness that ne couiu
locate his possession. he would remain IN 4
one place for an four. Then ne Wouiu
go over and pick out some one else's UNI
brella at the moment when that lndi-
vidual was searching for it. An alterca-
tion would follow and the mamie was a
timid man-wouid flee followed by the
: imprecation of all the umbrella owners
In the place.
A man was discussing yesterday the
possibilities of furnishing those VINO
march off with umbrellas.
Il don't mind so much the man. he
said. who frankly departs with an UNI
brel and leaves nothing in return. The
kind of a man / dislike is the man who
runs off with my perfectly good new
umbrella and leaves in return relic
that looks as if it had gone TIL ough
Horace Greeley's campaign"
That is a general view. Leave a man
nothing and he resignedly discusses the
hardness of fate. Leave him your old
umbrella and he will pick you out among
al. others in the world for his curses.
In theaters hotels and restaurants
where the most violent efforts are made
continually to keep Mr.. \. from depa t.
ing with Mr.. BIS umbrella, they CONFRONT
strange mistakes that are never straight
ened out. These mistakes are occasional.
it is true. but they are none the less
lively when they do occur. For instance,
there was a man not long ago who en-
tered a place and left a large umbrel
that looked like the main tent of
ci Gus with the proprietor. The man sat
himself and ate unit. he could eat no
more. Then filled with food and phi
losophy and kindness toward al men, he
visited the cloakroom and called for his
umbrella
1T is a large one,' said the man with
sow smile of contentment lighting his
face, 1T is the kind of an umbrella that
no one else would want"
The girl behind the counter disappeared
for moment and soon returned with a
dainty parasol. The man took one long
ook and waved his hands.
This is yours said the girl posi-
lively. 1t has your check number"
Great smokes" roared the man. do
you think that 1 carry looming pocket
handkerchief around to keep off the rain
with?
Il don't know what you use it for"
said the gil, icily, but it has your
check, so it must be yours.
This man was nervous man. When the
girl gave him that critical look he gently
collapsed and wandered into the night
trying to shelter himself with contri-
vance that might had served as protec-
ton to a sparrow-a fairly good-sized
sparrow. And when he got home and
laid his ST. ken p.rasol across the hat: ack
his wife first demanded the name of the
woman, and without waiting for an
answer declared hysterica ly that she
had always suspected him and Was go
ing home to mother. Such are the de-
vious ways OF umbrellas.
Authorities on the subject declare that
with the curious perversity of inanimate
things an umbre la never attaches itself
to a human being unless he has mad
dening desire to escape it. Thus not
long ago a seedy citizen happened to
pick up by mistake and depart with
pearl-handled affair, in place of the
shabby equipment he was carrying.
He carried it for three weeks. When
he went into ace to get shaved the
attendant took look at his umbrel a
and carefully brushed his clothes half
off him and committed other acts which
made the piracy of tip inevitable. II
he waved that umbrella at a waitress
she left fourteen other customers insist
ed on Sc. wing him the expensive dishes
and gave him attention that made him
feel ike newly married man and re-
Cfuired tip. If he waved the umbrella
at street car, four cabs would run
over people IN trying to reach him first.
This continued for three weeks, until the
man died, still retaining the Inflated
umbrella. 1t was commonly repo ted
that ma arial fever was the cause OF his
demise, but a favored few know too
well that he died of broken pocket
book, caused by too much umbrella. Even
after he was dead they wou dn't ct him
alone, but kept telegraphing everywhere
for his relatives, being confident that
man who could carry an umbrella like
that must have money somewhere.