The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1912-02-18

MISS DE|MOCRACY Is
BUTT OF THE JOKES
CONTINUED from Page One)
dent, which would you rather have:
Cleveland's blessing, Bryan's curse, or an
Ohio candidate running against your"
brought forth the confortlcss answer,
MY candidate is not running In Ohio"
Political Lays.
The Gridiron club permits us guests to
share In the fun attending the Initiation
OF a now menber and there was no eH-
was added 10 the limited membership.
spotlight in the darkened hall dis
closed an old-tirne bard, who delivered
''Tbe Lay OF the Last Minstrel His
songs. though sot In classic music, We're
redolent of present politics, Thus sang
Bryan OF The Nomination:
believe me, II all those Bndearins
Which 80 fondly to conquer J. try.
Were to vanish tomorrow and fade IN
AS they faded In campaigns gone by,
You would still be adored as this moment
thou art;
Let the delegates vote as they viii. =
Around your dear Image each wish OF
my heart,
Would entwine itself verdantly still"
Asked for ono Of Taft's favorite airs,
the minstrel sang to the tune OF "Tara'S
"Oh, the tariff talk in Congress Halls,
Grows sadder day by day.
And Underwood increasingly calls,
Upon the hand TO play.
A veto fiercely turks about.
with musket and with sword,
To kill a bill put through without
Leave from Taft's Tariff Board"
Neophyte Unmasked.
The whiskers were pulled from the
and the trembling neophyte stood re-
vealed. He was warned that only En-
bassador Bryce and Uncle Joe Cannon
were privileged to wear boards at Grid
iron dinners, and was then examined as
Wilson,
you a lovely. melancholy funeral chant"
Have you ever heard OF Senator Cum
mins?"
Little Movement etc"
Can you give us song about Champ
Clark7
II am afraid he might. not like these
old Folk songs OF mine"
What Is your polltics?'
Has T. R, announced his csndidacy?"
Not yet but soon-
Then 1 don't know what am
"But you are candidate for mem
bership7"
II am not a candidate, but Il an over
whclmIng majority think am the only
man for the job I Will take 1t"
Progressives in Opera.
Tho tuncful opera OF Robin Hood" was
the vehicle for the presentnt ton OF num-
Der OF prominent progressiyess Most OF
them had sought the, basky shades OF
timber henco they fell easily into ROBINS
merry crew. There was ,, Little John
} gassd ans Fran nnd Pnshot w sGa5et and sood Id
Dame Marketing" besides Robin Hood.
who, introducing himself az an outlaw,
sang, But outlaws now. y9u see. are
There was a loud blast" from a bugle
In the forest depths and It was an
nounced That's Bob La Follettoi." }very
eral mixup of dscordsl, Henry Waiter
son Is in conference with Woodrow VII
That tuneful air, "old Cross Bow" was
given a strange twist, as follows:
"A statesman who dwelt on the Outook's
was daft with his old Big Stick,
dove of peace lit on his window ledge,
He hit It an awful lick.
He stopped awhile, and to Sigh began;
They heard him both near and far.
II you wait for the office TO seek the
Tho Office says. Stay where you are"
Dame Marketing declared she had
been deceived by all parties, and ex.
pressed her Indignation at the cost of
living to the tune OF "Oh. Promise Me-"
You promised me that one day 1 could
A steak without a mortgage on the
You said, with Or. wney's help. you'd
To shield the family stomach from all
harm;
And yet when take out my pocketbook
And see how all my old mans coin has
slipped away.
shed another tear drop s,sa as say;
Court Of Honor.
The Court OF Honor met In open
session before the guests "to settle all
questions requiring arbitration, santa
don and Illumination" and was ready to
report. Here We're some of the questions
and the courts answers:
Have you looked Into this dispute over
| universal arbitration?"
I'VE have.
Everybody favors It, suppose"
Everybody but the United States SEN
What is your decision in the dispute
between Judson Harmon and Mr.. Bryan?'
MIR, Bryan will allow Mr.. Harmon TO
remain In the race on one condition"
What Is that
THE condition that Mr.. Harmon re-
fuses to withdraw
Have you settled the row between
Oscar underwood and Mr.. Bryan
We decided Bryan was infringing on
copyright. He had no business TO try
| to organize an Ananias club"
The court also decided that the only
difference between la Toilette and Cum
Minis was In the fact that there Is only
one center Of the stage" The august
tribunal came to grief when asked what
II had TO say about the rumored strug-
gle hetween Taft and Roosevelt. Each
member. threw up his hands and walked
out without saying anything. and when
the "prcss agent" (nn essential feature
of the courD was appealed to ne ex-
claimed In great surprise. NC? I've got
nothing 10 say. ! started IT.
The Steeplechase,
1t remained for the Democratic presi-
Dental Steeplechase' skit to bring out
the candidates In full forcH A 6nnk-