Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1912-08-22
if ne could nave seen through the

| If ne could have seen through the
partition that divided them.
But he was witnessing with the
cynical superiority of an aged and
disillusioned man the, to him, childish
behavior OF Ira Lathrop, an eleventh
hour Orlando.
For just as Mallory moped into the
smoking-room at one door, Ira Lath-
rop swept in at the other, his face
rubicund with embarrassment and
ecstasy. He had donned an old frock
coat with creases like ruts from long
exile in his trunk. But he was feel
ing like an heir apparent; and he
startled everybody by his jovial halls
"Well, boys-er-gentlemen - the
drinks are on me. Waiter, take the
orders"
Little Jimmie woke with start.
rose hastily to his feet and saluted,
saying: Present! Who said take the
orders"
81 did," said Lathrop. I'm giving q
party. Waiter, take the orders"
"Sarsaparilla," said DR.. Temple, but
they howled him down and ordered
other things. The porter shook his
head sadly: "Nothin' but sof' drinks
in Utah, gemmen."
A groan went up from the club
members, and Lathrop groaned loud
est of all:
"Well, we've got to drink something.
Take the orders. Well all have sarsa-
parilla."
Little Jimmie Wellington came to
the rescue.
Don't do anything desperate, gen.
tlemen," he said, with look OF dt-
vine philanthropy. 1.-THE bars closed,
but Little Jimmie Wellington is here
with the life preserver." From his
hip-pocket he produced a silver flask
that looked to be big enough to carry
a regiment through the Alps. 1t was
greeted with a salvo, and Lathrcp
said to Jimmie: Il apologize Tor
everything have said-and thought
about you He turned to the porter:
There amt any law against giving
this way, Is there?"
The porter grinned: Not II you-all
bride the exercise-inspectoT And he
held out a glass for the Tribe, MUIR
muring, Don't git tired, as 1t was
poured He set it inside his sanctum
and then hustled round with ice-tilled
glasses and siphon.
When Little Jimmie offered OF the
flask to DR.. Tempe, the Clergyman
put out his hand it'll politely hor-
rified: mo, thank you"
F,; hi
den comment: Look at that gesture!
Doc, I'd almost swear you were par
son."
Mallory whirled on him with the
eyes of a hawk about to pounce, and
THE very ideal" was the best dis.
claimer Dr. Temple could manage,
suddenly finding himself suspected.
Ashtol put in with, THE only way
to d. prove it, Doc, is to join u.s."
TIE poor old clergyman, too deeply
in oIved in his deception to brave
&C nfession now, decided to do and
dare all. He stammered, 'Er-ah--
.certainlY.n and held out his hand for
MS snare or the poison A1lsslsr's.aar's-'
ME winked at the others and almost
filled the glass. The innocent doctor
bowed his thanks. When the porter
reached him and prepared to fill the
remainder of the glass from the
siphon, the parson waved him aside
with misguided caution:
mo, thanks. I'll not mix them"
Mallory turned away with sigh:
HE takes his straight. He's no par
SON."
Then they forgot the doctor In
curiosity as to Lathrop's sudden
spasm of generosity-with Yelling
tons liquor. Wedgewood voiced the
general curiosity when he said:
What's the old woman-hater up to
now?"
"Woman-hater?" laughed Ira. Its
the old story. I'm going to follow
Mallory's example-marriage."
II hope you succeed" said Mallory.
Wherever did you pick up the
bride?" said Wedgewood, mellowing
with the long glass in his hand.
Brides are easy" said Mallory,
with surprising cynicism. Where do
you get the parson?'
Hang the parson," Wedgewood re-
peated, who's the gel?"
I'll bet I know who she is" Ash
ton interposed; "it's that nectarine OF
a damseI who got on at Green River"
mot the same!" Lathrop roared.
II found my bride blooming here all
the while. Girl used to spark back
in Brattleboro, VT. I've been vowing
for years that I'd live and die an old
maid. I've kept my head out OF the
moose all this tirne-till I struck this
train and met UP with Anne. We got
to talking over old times-waking up
old sentiments. She got on my nerves.
/ got on hers. Finally I said, 'Aw,
hell, let's get married. Save price OF
one stateroom to China anyway She
says, Damned II don't!'-or words
to that effect" $685.
Mallory broke In with feverish In
terest: "But you said you were going
to get married on this train"
Nothing easier. Here's howl" and
he raised his glass, but Mallory hauled
It down to- demand: "How? that's
what want to know. How are you
going to get married on this parson-
less express, Have you. got a little
minister in your suitcase?"
Ira beamed with added pride an he