The Washington herald., 1912-01-21
Secrets of Washington Clubdom Laid Bare
Lyman and Manz Study Deepest ReceSses
and Find that Just One Impulse
Prompts All Members.

4 started to do a Highland hing, We could
not have thrilled more. Here was this
oficer, this man Of discipline, actually
Offering TO buy US something wet We
hadn't more than, recovered from this
when be extended an invitation to din
ner. Manz saw me getting pale, and.
hurriedly excusing himself. led me blind
| ly away. Our friendly guide remained.
When ] recovered Manz was tanning me
and inquiring anxiously whether he
should call q cab and pay for IL.
HE offered to buy dinner" ! said.
And he didn't get rough once" con-
tinued Manz joyously.
Find Hospitable Fellows.
In front of that club We did a stately
minuet. And right here ] jot down this
fact: That army and navy officers may
be the most geld and annoying persons
in the world. but once. in their own en-
vironment away from the fatigue Of
duty, they are the finest, most hospitable
men in the whole, wide world. And this
discovery, made by us, We count the
greatest achievement of our journey into
clubdonn. Let others learn what We have
learned and the whine of :'snobbery in
the army and navy will take its prop
er place beside the free silver question:
the Populist PARTY. the north pole tnves-
tigation, and similar sequestered ques-
tions.
After we had recovered we started for
the quietest most orderly little club this
side OF Philadelphia. 1t is the Cosmos.
I'm fairly well acquainted with high
school official in Washington, who is a
member of this club. When he Is boss
ing schools he is as volatile as the best
OF them. But when he passes the pre-
cincts of the Cosmos Club. in II street
of Lafayette Park, he gets just like the
rest of them.
Dolichocephalous Discussion.
We arrived just as the big talking
room in the rear of the club was begin
ming to fill. An eminent scientist, clutch
ing a long heavy stein, discoursed upon
prehistoric man and seemed TO be trying
earnestly to get somewhere. He didn't;
he fooled us all. He would start back
to the time when all men were divided
into three classes. straight nosed, fiat
nosed. and no nose at all or something
like that He discoursed on dolichoce-
phalic and brachycephalic man and then
he'd sail through an unmentionable period
when essential monogamy seemed lost
art and after he had scrambled the races
together and reached the point in his
story-bang, he would start over again.
A gentleman with a beak OF a nose, 8
scarcity OF hair and a mild yet querulous
eye listened attentively TO him. Occasion
ally he would flap his arms like a young
pelican about to fly.
We were enjoying all this immensely
when our friend, the professor, left US,
and dived headforemost into the discus
sion. BY this time another scientist.
whom we had met. insisted that we join
him and We did. Promptly he began TO
tell us something about food. Mann was
the first to falter. He placed his half
emptied glass on the little table and faced
the scientist enthusiastically.
Afraid of En- All.
Let us consider this as man to man."
he said bravely, though his blanched
checks showed the torture he was suf-
fering. do you mean to tell me that
hydrocsrbonates and poetrids and those
other thinguma jiggers are in all food and
you can't boil. or broil t'em, or stew 'em.
so as to get 'em out? Is that rlght?"
More than that" said the sGentist
waving his arms enthusiastically. more
than that. Now take beans, for IN
stance, there is a splendid food"
Good night" said MANI, and started
on his way. Outside he confided in me.
That man has cut of about all my
food supply except beans" he explained.
''I'l have TO eat beans until I forget
what he said. I hated to be rough, but
II he finished beans for me, I'd either
starved or become a cannibaL"
Yet, the members of the Cosmos Club
have splendid times and most OF them
are thoroughly affable. What Manz and
didn't discover is how they can con-
tinually confide all Of their scientific re-
search to each other and still retain the
slightest interest in life.
Find the Real Thing.
Then MANI and I whispered 10 each
other OF the one spot this side of eter-
nifty where mirth springs eternal from
the fountain head of humor and dun
care never enters. Forthwith we headed
for the National Press Club, patronized
by correspondents, writer's of fiction, doc
tors, artists, statesmen. politicians, edi-
tors, journalists, and a few-a very few
reporters. Climbing the narrow stairway,
we entered the assembly room-a sym
phony in green-found two couchlike
chairs, and prepared to await develop
ments.
Soon the after-dinner throng strolled In
from the dlni1g-rooni. Two gentlemen
with foreheads like the dome of the Capt.
tol took seats near the open fire and
began to talk what they fondly termed
politics One of them was trying to
prove that Bryan would run for the
Presidency II Col. Roosevelt accepted
the Republican nomination, when another
group strolled in. They were all very
serious. A tall. lean young man who
lately had risen to the rank of corre-
spondent began reciting to a deeply in