davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
POINTED, PARAGRAPHS
[From the Chicago News.J

No man is hero to his wife's mother.
Men and women who are odd might get
even by marrying.
Don't get your colors mixed when you
set out to paint the town.
But the early bachelor is never bagged
by the tirnid leap yesr girl.
It takes more than beauty sleep to put
some compilations in condition.
A woman can do much to brighten her
home-if hubby will pay the gas bills.
Many a man who narries and settles
down merely subsidies under pressure.
Ever meet one of those good men who
suggest the top line in copy book?
man isn't in love with woman I'M
less she has the power to make him mis-
cradle.
Many a dear girl remains in the SPIN
ster class because men are looking for
something cheaper.
The old hat a wonan's head hasn't
the slightest resemblance to the new one
she has on her mind.
A woman's mind is continually running
to clothes. If she isn't talking through
her hat she's laughing in her sleeve.
Look yourself over carefully, and if you
find you are devoting too much time to
criticising the affairs of your neighbors,
cut 1t out.
Buying ribbons for his typewriter is
now a patent medicine almanac joke, but
it is still capable of arousing the jealousy
of many mans wife.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

heavy plank and boosted It UP on the pile
without much effort.
Purity good, but you've got the voice
of a dude Sr-s
"Lemme see if he is a dude" said Harry
as ne game forward and took q wrestling
hold Of the stranger.
In fifty seconds Harry was on his back
IN the sawdust, and it took ten seconds
less to put James down
Twenty dollars a month and board"
said Mr.. Fairbanks.
IAN right
And that was what Miss Cal1y had plot
ted and planned and succeeded in bring
daily, and he sat down to his first meal
and ate as the rest did. For just an in
slant he hesitated about taking his seat
in his shirt sleeves and then down he
sat. Inside of four days he had made
such progress that Moses said to his
daughter.
guess he's one of our kind and all right.
I'd be mighty glad to see you married to
a Teller like that He amt working his
mouth all the time like the boys, but is
There was no courtship. That is, neither
the father nor the brothers surprised any
ment, but at the end of six weeks the
hired man stood before Mr.. Fairbanks
and said:
"Sir, I have asked your daughter to
be my wife. Will you give her to me?"
Hanged If 1 don'ti" was the reply. I'm
just fearing all the time some dude will
come along and get her to elope with
him.
The plain truth had to be told again.
For three minutes after the father had
heard it he sat silent. Then he quietly
said:
81 wanted to be an idiot all the rest
of my life, but 1 see I've got to change.
Get married as soon as you will and you
all hear me when I say that we begin
eating with our forks tomorrow morning,
and there's no more pouring our tea into
the sassers to cool it off. AS for dudes,
'spose they've got. right to live, sames
the rest of us."-(Copyrighted, 1912, by As
ISOLATED Literary Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

had seen was in trouble. They knew
that the rockets sent up from it were
used by some steamship lines as a cal
for help. But having notified the cap
tain, they were not permitted, under
marine discipline, to act without orders
from him. On the face of the evidence.
it looks as though the death of 1,6ol
persons can be laid to the door of Cap
tain Lord, because Of his inefhciency
or callous indifference.
But the world should hesitate about tax
ing this view of the case, If for no other
reason than that it is so damning to
him. Witnesses have testified that
when he came on deck the next morn
ing he said he did not remember the
officer. on watch and the apprentice en-
tering his room during the night. Is
it not more charitable and perhaps
more just to consider the possibility
that they did not fully awaken him
and that he did not realize the import
of their message?
For the master Of a ship to refuse
to go to the aid of another vessel in
distress. even in the face of appalling
danger-and there was little or nc
danger in this case-is something al
most unheard of. Anybody who knows
sailors on the lakes or on the ocean
will not believe without the strongest
proof that Captain Lord has thus dis
graced his calling and acted contrary
to his long training at sea.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
by THE WAY
BIZ HARVEY PARSONS.

| Margaret Ellington Frohman BoWes
| perchance you forget, is the emotiona
actress whose emotions once affected
her to such an extent that she thought
babies and darn socks. She seems to
have fully recovered from her tenn
porary alteration, as well as a pair
Of her names. =
No successful actress likes to be bur-
dened with a full-train- and caboose
name. especially while making one
night stands when excess baggage is
such nuisance.
From reports of the American league
trouble, we gather that the baseball
rules have been changed since we saw
our last game, (and that was three
years ago. 1t appears that Ty Cobb
struck once and the whole team has
been out ever since.
Hon. Orozco says he will not sell out,
ana the chances are good that he will
not 1t is a consensus of opinion that
he hasn't anything with a market
value.
A church committee appointed to in
vestigate Sabbath observance, reports
that about 100000 caddies are kept from
Sunday school by devotees of the game.
But we refuse to worry. knowing from
experience that the golf players will
teach the hundred thousand kiddos
greater number of Biblical words than
they would ever learn in Sunday school.
That last is rather risky. Fifty-four
Enpory Normal Students have been
canned for speaking unexpectedly of
a sacred subject.
A certain person in the village tries
to initiate the presidential candidates
by making wild and ridiculous charges
against the town and the inhabitants
thereof. Instead of waiting for some
grounds for charges, he makes them 80
order out of his own head. It is I'M
necessary to add that he could make
a batch of perfectly good cold slaw out
of the same material. He exhibits the
rare intelligence of a pet rabbit, AMI
is about as funny as a wooden leg, but
he is a public nuisance, and the COM
club should appoint a commit
tee to look after such pests.
Russia has many disadvantages, but
one great advantage not enjoyed by
this country. In the history of Russia,
no car has ever run fo- a third term
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
FROM OTHER PENS

THE STEALER OF UMBRELLAS
OmorelIas' heretofore considered
as eontraband, and therefore subject
to confiscation on sight, bid fair to
| achieve the dignity and protection Of
| vested rights" If a decision recentG,1
handedn down by the criminal branch
OF the city court Atlanta stands the
test or the highest tribunals. A woman
VINO, IN an unguarded moment an
proprlated one dollar umbrella. was
naled to court AMI upon Conviction
tne jury recommended that she be
gwen the extreme limit of the law
me judge promptly concurred in the
Jury's verdict. Thus is an ancient and
unworthy superstitution awarded a
ueeserveo coup de grace. From time
lmmemorial, umbrellas have .beaD in
the same category as intoxicants in a
pron1bltlon town. When showers fell
unexpectedly, the improvident cftizen
was excused for impounding the near
est umbrella, as one palliates the or
tense of the parched individual who an
ne1es oWnerless stimulants when thirst
S1ezeS him and no one is looking
Henceforth. the unwritten law Is not
70 apply, so far as concerns umbrellas.
even though you are an hour late for
1lnner or supper; even though your
pest girl waits patiently for Won To
carry her to the opera; even though
at an early morning hour, your wife
movers determinedly near the thres-
mold with the resolution to demand
the customary excuse; even though
your mother-in-law may be blaming
TO reheve you of her presence as soon
tra1n-nOne of these sound and an
pealing pleas will be accepted by a
Judge in Georgia, as extenuation for
borrowing an umbrella that may
a chaperon. We are dereIict enoush-
IN Georgia, as far as concerns legal
procedure and the ancient bubble and
the deadly technically. We have with
hxa f-f1
perambulating blind-tiger and various
and sundry other classes of capital
Offenders. At Least, we will lead the
nation In visiting condign punishment
Though the rains may fall and the
storms beat, Georgians must, from this
time forward, use their own umbrellas,
90 nome drenched or fall under the
Atlanta Constitution -.
A CHASTITY SEASON AHEAD
With less than four months Of the
ready is imposing. The three who were
Killed Monday, two of them in Brook
lands, Eng, and one in st. Louis. MO.
bring the total up to eighteen. This
l makes no account of those who have
been mangled, crushed or permanently
crippled, and have survived up to date.
The real activities of the year have
scarcely begun. So far most of the
events have been small ones, and. IN
a way, preparatory to the big warm
weather meets. It is appalling to think
what the remainder of the season will
bring forth if the happenings of the
past are tobe taken as an earnest
Tor the future. Bud" Mars prophecy
that there are to be 200 fatalities No
longer seems improbable
The outlook is for CHASTITY summer.
with gruesome rain of human bodies
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
HUNOR or TIE DIP

Father-Why did you spend that quarter
1 gave you? Bobby-I helped a little how
who wanted some candy. Father-Oh.
that's all right Who was the little bow
Bobby-Me.-Philadelph Record.
"It was raining last night and 1 went
to two receptions. had the bad luck 10
lose my umbrella at the second - "VVelI
it was lucky you didn't lose II at the
first" "Oh, got 1t there."-Ldppincott's
A noted professor of music was erner-
vising the work of an orchestra al re-
hearsal and he became much annoyed
with the conductor for his erratic use Of
the baton. Stopping the band, he said
to the culprit Mistaire Jones, you would
make beautiful conductor-for zee omni-
bus you vas always behind.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Nor is it easy to pay back the trou-
BILE you borrow.
T.
When a man loses his nerve he IL
UP against a tough proposition.
"
Any number of people are not very
familiar with most of the matters they
discuss.
K
It's a fine thing for most folk that
they cannot see themselves as others
see them.
How readily it comes to your mind
what you ought to have said after the
time for saying it has passed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
DAEFYDMS
sY q. NoALL.

As matter of fact who ever saw a
house f1v?
(swat i'm, Swat i'm. I sayi.)
Speaking of wonderful TRANSFORMED
lions, a man was going down Kansas
avenue today and he suddenly turned
into a side street.
tYou can't take me without a war.
rant0
A good sleep might not refresh you
but a napkin.
: CWaiter. bean sandwich and glass
of buttermilk for med
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

That the Brownsville affair was kept
out of the Republican presidential cam
paign so long is a matter of mystery.
Every other matter with the least pos
sible political twist to 1t, except the
national issues of moment, was dragged
into it long ago.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
REFLECTIONS OF BACHELOR.

IFrom the New York PressJ
The foundation under all promises is
sand.
model citizen field
If you practice economies in one direc-
ton, 1t only encourages you to bigger ex-
travagances in others.
The way to get a girl absorbed in a
novel is to give her a box of candy TO
MUNICH while she is reading it.
A woman has such an imagination she
can expect her son to become president
because he can't do the multiplication
table.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

Although the Methodist conference,
by a good-sized majority, refused to
strike out that paragraph of this
church's rules on discipline which pro-
hibits dancing. card playing and kindred
amusements, it is not likely that this
prohibition will be enforced any more
rigidiy in the future than it has been
in the past
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

Orozco's revolution appears to be or
its last legs. But If President Maderc
succeeds in wiping it out of existence.
the probabilities are that another revo-
luton Of considerable proportions will
be launched at once by Zapata, or some
other Mexican brigand,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

From the tremendous financial out
lay incident to the Roosevelt campaign,
it is evident that after the colonel ha6
tossed his hat In the ring the man
who passed it around was a wonder in
getting the patriots to disgorge their
nickels and dimes
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

Perhaps this latest bid for notoriety
that has been made by Evelyn Nesbis
Thaw is merely a preliminary, Incl
dent to her return to- the stage. Maybe
she has plans to elevate that por-
ton of it which is devoted to musical
-hn
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

Not few Of the political methods
of the Socialists are admirable. For in
stance. they don't have nominating
speeches at their national convention.
Just think what the delegates to the
Democratic convention will have &c
put up with in this Incl
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

An investigation of the possible exist
ence of a leather trust is about to be
undertaken by the federal department
of justice. Evidence is accommodating
all the time that the only trust in
these United States that is at all Sc
cure in it's position is the one on the
coins that are minted by the govern
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

in other states, the Kansas wheat
growers are also likely to get banner
prices for their grain. Furthermore
conditions are ripe for big corn crop
Alfalfa has never done better in Kan
sas than it is doing this year. All other
crops promise as we'll. Kansas again
is not only the land of sunshine but
also the land of smiles.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

Don't forget that the bankers of
Kansas and their wives who will be
in Topeka 1000 strong on Wednesday
are expecting a good time. Everybody
in town should do everything possible
to see that these expectations are more
than realized.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
EVENING CHAT
BIZ RUTH CAMERON.

| THE minute I get to New York I al
ways feel shabby, no matter how wen
a less metropolitan city who sometimes
goes to New York. -I declares 1t spoilS
my pleasure. I feel as if everybody was
staring at my clothes"
why, never felt like that" answered
another woman. There are SO many
wonderful things to look at in New IorK
that 1t never occurred to me that any
one would look at me-
Shy and self-conscious people some
times write me to ask how they can
overcome their misfortune. 1 hereby rec
ommend them to these two women. Let
them avoid the point of view of the first
and try to get that of the second, and
they will be on the high road to recovery.
of the universe. That is a law of
psychology. Even the most unselfish per-
son cannot think of the world in any
other way than that. Although he may
wear himself out in the service OF others,
he must still think of his universe of SER
vice as built around himself. As I go
through a railway station, or look about
trolley car, it interests me to realize
this. and to think how each commonplace
person I see before me is the center OF
a little universe of his own.
And yet there are people like the wo-
man I first quoted who are always fancy
ing that they are the center of other
peoples universes.
Don't worry about receiving too much
attention from others. Unless you are
Signally beautiful or Sfgnally disfgured,
you are in such danger. Half the time
when you think people are staring at you,
they are only looking at you as they look
at the trees, or the houses they pass, with
entirely Indifferent, half-seeing eyes. TT -
I often think with amusement, OF con-
versation I heard between two girls. One
was a rather pretty girl with a vanity out
of all proportion to her pretensions to
beauty. Said the girl with a simper:- my
dear, is my hat on crooked, or is there
anything the matter? I've seen SO many
people staring at me that know there
must be something wrong. / am sure 1T
would have been evident to babe in
arms that she expected to be told that
it was her charm which had made her
the cynosure of so many eyes.
But the second young woman, who has
a reputation for her frankness, ignored
this bait and answered: what made
you think they were staring at your"
why 1 saw them of course, explained
the pretty one Indignantly.
'HThen you were staring at them just as
much,' triumphantly pointed out the
blunt young person. "And there wasn't
anything wrong or remarkable about
them, was there? People have to look at
something. They can't walk along with
their eyes closed. That's all it meant. I
wouldn't worry if / were you.
But the pretty young woman looked
much less relieved than she should have.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

It may be possible for the lawyers
to tie up settlement of the Isador
Straus estate on the technicality as to
whether he or his wife met death first
in the wreck of the Titanic. And this
is a question that surely can never be
determined on this earth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
PROBLEM OF PRoLoNGING LIFE

PROBLEM OF PROLONGING LIFE.
over in France there is working
Metchnikoff, the winner of the Noble
prize, writes Professor Robert Kennedy
Duncan, in Harper's Magazine for June.
Metchnikoff believes that the present
normal tenure of our lives is unduly
restricted, and that it ought to be pos
sible to extend our lives through sub
stantially longer periods. He beneves
that the cause of sleep is the accumu-
lation during working hours of certain
toxic substances which cause the phe
nomena of sleep, and which during
sleep are removed. Similarly, he be-
lieves that the phenomena of old age
and normal death are produced by
certain other toxic substances gradual
ly and continuously accumulated. Start
ing on this basis. he is devoting his
life to the attempt to extend the lives
of others. 1t is true that Metchnikon
is a man of science peculiarly difficult
to estimate. He has made mistakes;
but he has also done things-and big
things, too. Certainly this much may
be said: his attempt is absolutely sci
entifc, legitimate. and, from the pres
ent standpoint of biological research.
entirely sensible. There should be nc
cause for surprise should he succeed.
But what would his success mean?
Who can tell? 1t would transform the
world into forms and conditions that
we cannot imagine. During the fif-
teenth century the average length of
life was about %: it was a world OF
youth. In our day it is about "A. ]
would be difficult for US to imagine
the difference in the appearance of a
public gathering in our day and ir
that past Elizabethan era-in the mer
age of its members. If science could
extend the present average age from,
A to 100, it must be remembered that
it would mean a corresponding extern
sion OF youth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

Nor will it matter much to Kansans
during the next year. at least, how the
big political controversies of the present
are settled. Conservative experts in the
premises are sure that 1912 will be
Kansas best wheat year. Not only
is a crop of about 100000 bushels in
sight. but because Of wheat shortages
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

After the results of the Ohio primar-
les are announced, there ought to be
a little luIl at least in the festivities
that are twisting the Republican party
from stem to stern.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

Colonel Roosevelt says he can win
without Ohio. Maybe the colonel has
an idea that 3 ene-third rule operates
in Republican national conventions.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

Burglars have finally been taught
That there is one field on which they
must not trespass. A Boston woman
put a bullet through the hat of one OF
them whom she caught going through
her husbands trousers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

There isn't much significance to the
odds that are being wagered by the
Wall street gamblers that Colonel
Roosevelt will be the next president 1t
is seldom that these financial neurotics
call a political turn.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21

With June only two weeks away, the
weather men are probably right in
their forecast that there is little dam
ger Of the prospective bumper fruit
crop being damaged by frosts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
.sThinking Horses"

Clever Hans, the German horse
which won international renown ten
years ago by his Evolutionary and
mathematical feats, mas COUPE OF
Prussia, which, according to the news
paper accounts, are destined to become
equally famous.
The horses, which are Afabians
named Muhamed and Zarif, are the
property of a school teacher named
karl Krall who claims that he has
succeeded in teaching them to "think"
and calculate. After four years OF in
able to understand" both German and
French, both by ear and when written.
The horses also stamp out ANSWERS"
to various questions.
Their arithmetical talents seem to
be the most amazing of all. They give
rapid fire replies" to all sorts of sums
long and short division, multiplied
ton. addition, and subtraction-and
even tell. after an Incredibly short
period of reflection correctly multi
plied q five figure expression by four.
They can also spell out their names
and tell days of the week and month.
The Elberfeld wonder horses" were
discovered by a Hamburg journalist
named Berges, who was the first to run
across the miraculous talking dog
Don a year ago. Herr Berges gives
by the thinking horses in his pres
ence this week:
Number 81 was written on the
blackboard. Zarif promptly stamped
six times with his left front foot and
four times with the right.
ss'Reverse the numbers command |
ed Herr KraIl. Zarif unhesitatingly |
indicated 46. Add the numbers was
the next order. Zarif pounded the |
floor ten times. Then he was told to |
the result by four, and he |
indicated .4O' by stamping four times |
with his left forefoot and not moving |
"Once zarif said 'se' in answer to |
the question, How much is seven |
times hve.' How far wrong is that p /
asked the teacher. Zarif stamped |
onceI
was asked. Twenty-Five was the cor
rect reply. Then he replied that there |
was still four days left in the month
and in answer to another question
said that leap year came every
fourth year.
.aThe teacher held mirror before
Zarif and said, Who is that?' The
horse picked out the letters spelling
Ich' Cd. What is your name 2
Zarif' was spelled out without hesita-
lion. Muhamed, Tariffs stablemate |
did equally wonderful tricks"
Herr Krall has published the story
Of his horses in scientific work called
Thinking Animals which will short L
~ appear in Leipzig.-A Foreign Ex-
change.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-05-21
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

He would be brave man. indeed
who would attempt now to land ever
a little kick on Champ Clark's houn
dawg.