The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-09-29

| this summer, Coontown put one on | The entertainments were over the post office and general store of Pinson x Sons, who also kept lot of under | takers supplies upstairs. It was the only place big enough to hold a crowd, 1 as the Methodists wouldn't let us have | 1t in the church. The last number was a long-haired reader from up north 1 somewhere, whose name was Profess son Depladder or Popbladder, or some thing that sounded that way Every body of any note was there. Old Bill Pinson, the proprietor of the store, was about half stewed--drank whisky to keep from dying of consumption. There wasn't chairs enough for the people
 and many of them, including Old Bill sat on the collins. William Pinson was dressed in white duck and he had a cough on him that was cross be- tween saving gourds and the howl of
 pup with a flat iron on his tail and | occasionally, after a severe spell or coughing, MT Pinson would lie down in his casket, and when he again rose up out of that box, it looked a little bit like one-horse resurrection-fact is, Mir. Pinson's motions seemed to make the professor a bit nervous. As the lecturer was putting the finishing touches to his motherin-law joke Ja- son Pruitt concluded to indulge in one of his usual epileptic fits and he ges- ticulated a series of final convulsions over on a pile of guano sacks in the corner. The perfume arising from this
 extempore performance was good ad- vertisement for Pinson & Sons, as 1t
 proved conclusively that the fertilizer
 had not lost it's strength. While the reader was giving up the third stanza of Curfew Shall Not Ring Tonight
 Squire Moores dog 'Hattler,' decided
 that he would add to the programme
 by chewing slice out of the fore
 shoulder of Bud Browns yellow cur,
 and the argument between these two
 we'll known animals slightly detracted
 from the pathos of curfew. The only
 kerosene lamp that we had flickered
 out while Jason was in the middle or
 another one of his justly celebrated
 fits and that lecturer got mad and said
 that Coontown was lacking in intel
 lectual culture. He told it over in Jay
 vile that our town was not prosres-
 sive.
 Is that Professor Popbladder ever comes
 to our place again we will punch his
 head, for nobody can slander our town
 and get away with 1t, we will
 "Malchi Roden sold a yearling that ne
 had taken up ass'an estray and got VIA
 for it." pped the justice of the peace.
 .'Nal went on an excursion to Birming-
 ham, with an idea of buying about half
 that town with his s14 That untutored
 farmer didn't know there was such deyelish exhibition of mans ingenuity
 in inventing instruments of torture like
 the folding bed in the world. The blasted
 thing was open, and ready for business
 when that redneck disrobed. after hiding
 his money in his sock. taking a nip of
 booze. and saying his prayers. The aw-
 ful fiendishness of folding bed was to
 be revealed to him later The night clerk
 was in the middle of lurid description
 of the mash he had made on the lovely
 daughter of the wealthiest banker in the
 city when extraordinary sounds were
 heard proceeding from room No. 23 of
 the leading hotel in the city. The noise was combination of beating carpets
 and bull calf believing in a soap barrel.
 The rescuing party found that the source
 of this operatic disturbance was Malchi in the clutches of the spring folding bed. One of the dlngus-es that controls the
 spring of the bed had suddenly slipped cog, causing it to close up on the rural
 guest like a 5 cent mouse trap. Malls feet had prevented the entire closing of the bed and probably saved his life. One of the spiral springs of the bed had screwed itself into Mal's back, like a shirt stud and the footboard had knocked out three of his jaw teeth The clerk urscrewed the sager. and explained to Nal that if he would sleep with his feet hanging over the footboard. there would he no danger, as the rural guest had feet like bahy collins. and their weight would make 1t impossible for the bed to close
 up. This untutored youth wouldn't prom
 ise to do this--he said he never did like
 to the clerk he would rather sleep on the
 floor. Something always happens to an
 ordinary jay when he journeys to city,
 especially to Birmingham. as that city