davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
II Does.
1t takes a guy
Whose purse is fat
To occupy
A city fiat
Consistent Enough.

But" protested the stage mana
ger, don't you think it looks odd
for you to wear your diamonds in the
character of the deserted wife?"
"Oh, no." replied the actress. you
must have observed that | had select
ed for that purpose the very smallest
and plainest diamonds I own,"-Cath.
olic Standard and Times.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Suuelched.

"Say, can't you read the sign?"
asked the elevator boy.
Il beg your pardon" replied the
man with the cigar, were you speak
ing to me?"
1T says: No Smokin' in the Car"
Does it? Where does it say that?"
There. Can't you seer"
But 1t doesn't say: No Smokin' in,
the Car there"
"Gwan, you highbrow.'
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19

A Chicago woman asserts that big
feet go with big brains. Women with
the small feet, which go with beauty,
will not contest this self-consolation
in inevitable misfortune, They regard
it as a desperate but unsuccessful ef
fort to put the best foot forward.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19

Women are now making great
strides" remarked Mrs. Baring-B Ban.
ners.
"Yes," replied the husband; 'only
you can't notice it when you see one
Of 'em in a hobble skirt going after
street car"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19

1t was the great mission OF the late
Baron Lister to make surgery safe
soon after the application of anaes-
thetics had made it painless, and his
reward was a half century, almost, Of
cumulative public appreciation Of the
vital Importance of his discovery Of
modern surgical practice, says the
New York World. The peerage con-
ferred on him by Queen Victoria, the
first, it is believed, that was ever be-
slowed in England for services to
medical science, only partly measured
humanitys gratitude to him, and he
dies honored as few Of his contempo-
raries have been for more spectacular
achievements. Listers studies OF sep
tic poisoning ensuing from surgical
operations were begun when he was a
young house surgeon in Edinburgh,
but it was while professor at the Uni
versity Of Glasgow, between 1864 and
1867, that he found the cause and the
means Of prevention which were to
revolutionize surgery. His carbohc
spray is now obsolete and his antisep-
tic methods have been variously i'm
proved upon. But aseptic surgery is
today essentially what Lister made 1t,
and to him is mainly due the reduc.
ton of hospital mortality which is one
of the chief distinguishing factors be-
tween the old surgery and the new.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
He Knew Him When.

why do you hate him so? Has he
ever done anything or said anything
to injure your"
mo, but, confound him, can re-
member when he had nowhere near
as much as l had-when, as a matter
Of fact, l didn't always care to recog.
nize him"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Saying Nothing.

There is a rumor afloat that Old
Goldrox is dead" said the editor.
YES" replied the reporter; Il was
Just down to the house."
Us 1t so?"
well, his wife said that her hus-
band would neither confirm nor deny
the rumor."
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19

A young Hungarian has come to
this country to corner wheat He has
postponed operations six months in
order to learn the language He will
find the corner waiting for him. but
when the operations are concluded
he'll be in It, not the wheat.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19

Cleveland has a young man in his
twenties who has been living at the
rate Of $4,000 a year on a salary Of
SIS a week. 1t is evident that the
science Of frenzied finance is not go
ing to die out in this generation.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Not Many.
Poets now will
Have TO delve,
Seeking rhymes for
1912.
Art and Its RivalrIes.

81 don't believe that story about
Nero fiddling while Rome burned"
"Why?"
Amy true musician would have
known better than to try to hold an
audience while the fire department
was turning out"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Bows and Reaux.

Bella-Is she musicale
Beulah-Not a bit.
Bella-But heard somebody say
she had had experience In handling
a bow?
Beulah-Oh, they meant she had
been engaged to be married several
times"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
EntertaInInn a Customer.

81 notice you always patronize the
same barber Is he a good work
man."
mot especially So"
HE seems to talk great deal. be-
Sides"
"Yes, but don't mind that. You
see, my barber is a well read nan,
and every day he tells me story
from Boccaccio."
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Hard to Excite.

"Jibble must have nerves like iron"
why do you think so?"
"He had the rare privilege yester.
day Of looking at a dozen yard eggs
and he did so without so much as q
culver Of his eyelid."
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
4 NEIL BULkT
BEAHERHOUSE

In building a dam
they first place
coarse brush in
the stream, allow
ing the water to
run through till a
good lot Of brush
is in place clear
across the stream.
They then begin.
working in finer
brush, and lastly
mud, till the struc
ture is water-tight,
And another pecu-
liar fact about the
work of these ami
mails: If a beaver
places the branch
of a tree or willow
in the water IL
sinks, If he so
wishes, whilo II
YOU should place It
there, It floats.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Traps Golden Eagle.

Pierre, S. Don inspecting his
traps near Eagle Butte, Joe Felthouer
found a golden eagle held by a claw
in one of them. He brought it in
alive and sold 1t to an Eagle Butte
merchant for exhibition purposes.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
one Satisfaction.

HE married his stenographer."
"And ! suppose she's doing the die.
tating nowg
"Yes, but he says he doesn't mind
that much; he doesn't have to take
It down"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Proof Positive.

"she was the most beautifully
gowned woman at the balll"
"You seem very positive about It,"
Il am Even the woman who was
gowned second best admitted IT,"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
OhIlnInn.

II think" said Mrs. Crumrox. who
was arranging a musical program.
that we will have a mezzo-soprano."
"All right" replied her husband.
Don't bother me about it, Go ahead
and see an architect"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19

The California man who expects by
eating nitroglycerin tablets to live 100
years should be careful not to walk
about in the dark. and 1t might be
well for him to refrain from keeping a
goat
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Mental Discretion.

The Nice Boy-H-have you forgot
ten that cent you borrowed Of me?
The Hard Case-Yes Haven't you?
The Nice Boy-Y-yes! Now that
you r-remind me Of it!-Puck.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
LIauldated.

Tatterdon Torn-Wot would you do
If you had a million dollars?
Thirsty Theodore-De foist ting I'd
do would be to invest all but $685.,
999.95 in a glass o. beer.-Puck.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Not Elatterlna.

Does death end all?" asked the
solemn boarder.
mot for a week or so in case Of a
turkey" answered the cheerful
boaEder.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19

one.
He is one of the most conceited
men l have ever met"
Il don't doubt it. There is a GER
tain conceited man that it will never
be possible for you to meet"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19

A man in Massachusetts has a hen
which lays eggs with ten-cent pieces
in them. This backyard mine has the
pearl-fshery restaurant beaten to a
standstil
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Just in Time.

George says he loves that little
curl over your right ear"
I'm glad to know that was
Just about to hang 1t on the other
side.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
No Sale for Them.

The market price of wild oats is
pretty high for those who buy them,
but they won't sell for anything.-At-
Gibson Globe.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
chanqed Circumstances

II can remember when you had to
work eight hours a day." said the old
time friend.
YES" replied Dustin Stax; things
are different. Now have to worry
sixteen hours a day"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
HUMOR FROM HAPPYLAND
Their Growth.

Those haIlstones bigger get with each
Tale which to tell, aspires;
From stones they grow as big as eggs
Then stretch to rubber tires.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19

Diogenes upon his quest
An honest man could never find;
Although still hoping for the best,
Great was the scarcity of that kind.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Meaning Mrs. Lot.

know this Joke is rather old
And you'll think me a dubber,
Before she turned to salt, we're told,
She first had turned to rubber.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
A Elna pav.

So fair is ali the world without
So brightly shines the sun.
'Twould seem all cares are put to rout
And Troubles on the run.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Frown on Originality.

In the eyes of certain persons orig
inal sin is the sin of originality.-Ex-
change.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
In and Out.

so Brown has it in for me, has he.
What would you advise me to dor"
"Have It out with HIM"
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
The optImIst.

Cheer up; II no one saw you act
You're lucky, Just the same;
Teh people who do well, in fact,
So oft get only blame.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
A Mean Trick.

There was a man in our town
And he was wondrous wise.
He gave each tramp that came aroun'
One Of his wifey's pies.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
Real Difficulty.

It Is not difficult to tell the truA'a;
the difficulty Is to get the truth be-
lieved.
The Celina Democrat. (Celina, O. [Ohio]) 1895-1921, 1912-04-19
TheWauS Of Y z 7z
the BeoNe553 =.

eoSN~/SNy Sy oOnooa@ ANSH

~ HILE camping trip at the head
MlAU waters OF Atlantic and Thoroughfare
N\hM Creeks, northeast Of the Jackson's Hole
AVArAl country in Wyoming during the
~ S4-SSSl mer of 1911, had some great opportu-
K3N&3s4V mites of studying the habits of beaver.
E2HW, ! have always been interested stu
dent of this clever little animals ways,
but while in the hills had never before had the
leisure to stay among them that enjoyed on this
outing. At that time the following gentlemen were
with me- f. L. Cuthbert and son of Lima, Ohio; j.
NJ. Hill of Fond du Lac Wis, and Fred Loveioy. We
we're on fishing and general pleasure trip over
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1912-07-28
A NOVELTY RACE.

There IS very amusing game, tho nov
city race, which goes very we'll with mu-
sic. Boys and girls alternately stand be
hind one another with hands placed on
the shoulders Of the child ahead. Then
caps are made Of their haudkerchiefs,
knotting the four ends A tiny bell at
tached 10 a ribbon badge and fastened on
with a small safety pin Is given 10 each
child
4 leader walks ahead Of the line and
his movements must he followed care
fully. First Of all he must walk very
slowly, then little fastor, then a run
and finally full gallon. II there is nu-
sic, the children should follow the time
Of the playing; il wlthou; they must
watch the leader. AZ tho word Halt" or
tremendous sudden crash Of the music.
all stop instantly.
Then at a signal from the leader each
boy takes the girl behind as his partner
Linking arms, light tWo-step movement
back TO the starting point finishes the first
round. Tho ringing of the tiny bells and
the huttering of the white caps will be
lots OF fun. Every one must try to keen
the caps on. Those losing them in the
race are out
This game can he repeated many times
before the small people will tire of il.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1912-07-28
FIND THE WINNER OF THE GAMES
CONNECTING THE DOTS FROM I TO 1o5.

the operating room in the bow. In here
everything was white, and the men at
tending It were dressed in white and had
red crosses on their sleeves.
On the way back we passed the brig.
or prison. II IS very much like COM
Portable land prison cell. 1t contains no
furniture, and IS very clean
once more on deck we ascended 10 the
bridge where we saw the signal flags
hanging in rows. Men are stationed here
on duty continually, with marine glasses,
watching for messages from the other
ships. On the bridge at the bow is sit
uated the steering room. II is a small
round room, inclosed on all sides TO pro-
tect the man who is steering. In the
front Of the room is a round opening.
which is all the pilot has to see what
Is ahead. In this room are a compass and
q stand, on which is fastened round
disk, with needle which tells the num-
Der Of knots per hour the ship IL going
As we stood there on the bridge we
could have put out our hands and
ing masts Upon close inspection we
ioulu IL 10 DC IdIION slIlUS VI u'Il
crossing each other at certain angles
and forming round framework. These
new masts are much more serviceablc
In times of war than the old-fashiOned
mast. For instance, II a shell fired from
the Cnemys gun struck the old mast IL
would probably carry away the whole
mast. With these new maSts il would
be quite different, because a shell striking
one OF these would either burst aud then
so through the mast, or only carry away
portion Of 1t, and still leave Il in fight
ing condition. Each ship has two skcle-
ton hShtinG mdStS. On each mast IL
fixed certain number of Scarchlights
at different elevations and may be regu-
lated by handles at the foot of the mast.
Having seen all there vas to he seen
on the bridge, we crossed and went along
the starboard side Of the ship. where We
soon saw strange eight Before Us were
several sewing machines being run by
tho blueJackcts. They were making white
caps. This opened some of the boy's.cyes,
for they had the idea in their heads that
it. was sissiiicd for a man to sew.
Every one of the twenty-four made a
trip up into the turrct Inside il is lust
like round room. The guns are loaded
and fired from the inside of these tur-
rotS After coming down from the turret
which was easier than going up, we were
Informed by tho officers that we had
seen everything OF interest Later, every
one Of the party received ribbon with
l.. = 5. Virginia Oh II In gold letters such
a. one as the sailors wear on their caps.
Just as we were about To 20 down
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1912-07-28
MEMORIZTNG.

one of the best investments in the
world is 10 spend . few minutes every
day in learning by heart some well
written verse or paragraph. This is
very easily done when we are young,
and then when We arc old we find
that our store of poetry and prose not
only helps ourselves but helps others.
For instance, if we know some very
interesting poetry we can say II over
n ourselves while we wait for ear
or train and this helps 10 make a dun
half hour bcarahle Then, if We have
2 sick friend who is fond OF good
prose or poetry, Instead Of reading
some long story which may tire the
invalid we can Just call upon our own
invisible collection.
Nothing is more enjoyable. too. than
hearing verso or prose reCltcd rather
than read. by one who knows 1t well
and can say # naturally and without
stumbling. Moreover, there are so
many uses for quotations that the
more We have as q stock IN trad'
the more convenient it Is. Often We
can help out at games, parties aud
making up dinner cards, writing a
suitable inscription i'm q book and
countless other little ways.
Beyond all these things. however.
the greatest benefit from memorizinS
any kind of good literature Is that we
become accustomed 10 good form in
writing. and nothing but the best VIII
satisfy us. Besides. we get valuable
way Of measuring up our own writing,
4 mower of criticism that will make us
more appreciative of the works OF
others which cant but stimulate us to
good creative work.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1912-07-28
CHAPTER LII.

Early the next morning the people be-
gan 20 gather on the lawn before the
Castle for the Public View of the Squincc.
First Of all came the peasants. for they
had no reserved seats and did not want
10 miss anything.
Otto, IA" Captain of the Guard. was
there with hi5 soldiers. The army Of
Squash was fine looking body of men.
They wore very large straw hats, with a
turkey feather stuck IN each band. Thcir
uniforms were of some light blue checked
stuif, with straps that came over the
shoulder and crossed front aud back
one company was armed with hoes aud
the other with rakes. These unusual
weapons were bright and shiny, and they
were quite effective against their only
enemies, the Monkey men, at close quar-
tors. Moreover. they did not make such a
diSa greeablc noise as q gun.
Billbill was there, too. He had written
a new song and wanted TO try II on tho
peasants. AS soon as this became known
the children all clustered about him. with
their parents In the background.
while wo are waiting ! will endeavor
10 entertain you with my latest original
song, entitled The Milky Monkey Men, 4"
said BillbllI, and mounting IA bench, he
began;
In darksOme woods at twilight
In the mountains and the caves,
Where tho Gum gum twlnes its branches
And the Ooly-oily waves,
III you hear pltter-patter
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1912-07-28
A WARSHiP AT CLOSE RANGE.

To the Editor Of the Tribune Junior
Forum.
Dear Editor: This is an account Of
trip the graduating class OF Speyer School
took ON board tho United states steamer
Virginia two years ago, which might pos
sibly interest the readers of tho Tribune
Junior Forum.
About the end of September and I'll"
first part Of October of ;he year 1910 the
hudson had floating on her waters one
or the largest fleets New York CITY no"
50 far ssen Including all the cru'sers
and the larger ships, there were twenty
one OF our naval vessels here for zen
dave recreation, after 4 hard summer
target practising The entire fleet "as
led hv the Uutcd states steamer Cor
necticut. which was then the flagship Of
Admiral schroeder
am sure that few Of us ever realized
how large these ships were You have ~
rci irp alongside OF ono before IT'S size
impresses you. Some of us thought it
would be hard TO get on deck, but it
was Just like ascending any ordinary
staircase
once on deck. VIC were introduced 10
two men one WAS second lieutenant
and the other a mldshlpnan. We then
divided into two companies, aud each
company followed one Of these men. We
we're first Informed that We stood on the
quarterback that we were facing the
storm of the ship, and that on our right
was the port side and on the left vas
the starboard side.
E1ln
found II rather difficult 10 use the stairs
on the ship. for they are very steep, ana
each step is only about I've inches Wide.
The Virginia was ouco a 7sgship. and
in memory of that honor the quarters The
admiral once used are preserved. aud no
one is allowed TO occupy them. We
passed through these quarters, and IN
them saw the ships library and also
beautiful silver set which the state OF
Virginia had presented as gift to the
ship.
Passing from this 70 an outer room, We
saw the telephone which connects all
parts of tho ship. Hanging beside il vas
the directory. with eight numbers IN IL.
In this same room were two Of the .
inch guns used at night When the ships
and day. Each gun is attended by sew
eral men, each with a separate task TO
perform. These men who tend the night
guns have an electric apparatus fastened
on their heads, and the light shines di-
Tectly on their work.
As We went through TO another part
Of the ship we had a glimpse OF the man
o-warsmens pleasures. In one Of the
rooms some were reading. playing cards
aud checkers. and others keeping time
10 the music of pianola we're dancing.
Passing through the bluejackets' ness
room We noted tie tables fastened to
the ceiling, TO save space These arc let
down at meal times. ~ the side were
placed the sanitary drinking fountains.
which require no cups.
We were next led through the ship 10
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1912-07-28
VACATION WORK.

To the Editor Of the Tribune Junior
Forum.
Dear Editor: Every summer IN vaca-
ton have taken up some study. Last
YEAR I took up map making. The maps
were done In water colors and one in oil
paint Two Of the maps were displayed
IN the Office Of the principal Of my
school during the last term.
This year 7 am studying botany.
went TO q library and took out four
books on botany. Three OF them have
colored illustrations OF trees and flowers,
which ! am copying into a drawing book.
1t Is n good idea TO plan beforehand
the study you would like 10 take up
when vacation comes.
Botany Is a very interesting study,
and there are so many things 10 learn
about it that It Will keep one busy for d
great many vacations.
II does not matter, however, what you
take zap, so long as it is Of value to
YOUR education, and the summer is not
spent in idlcness. Yours truly,
HERBERT FIELD AWTRN aged l2.
7ublic School lSs. No 52s West 18TH
street, New York, July u, 1872.