davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
steadily and ignored

turned her gaze steadily and ignored
her question.
Il see yo' beau too, Aunt Minerva"
he remarked TRANQUILITY.
1t was Miss Minerva this time who
lost her cOmposure, for her thin, sal
low face became perfectly crimson.
My beau?" she asked confusedly.
Who put that nonsense into your
head?"
Jimmy show him to me-" he re-
piled jauntily, once more master of
the situation and in full realization
of the fact. Why don't you marry
him, Aunt Minerva, SOS he could live
right here with us?. An l could learn
him how to churn. | spec ke'a mass
beautiful churner He sho' is a pret-
ty little fat man." he continued fiat
teringly. AN dress? That beau was
jest dressed plumb up to the top
notch. l sho' would marry him if rs
you an not turn up my nose at him
cause he wears pants an you can
learn him how to talk properer'n what
he do an l betcher he'd jest nachelly
take to broom, an | spec he amt
got nobody t all to show him how to
sew. An yo' all could get the doctor
to fetch you a little baby so he
wouldn't halter to play with no doll.
sho' wisht We had him here" ended
a selfish Billy. 'he could save me
lot of steps. An sho' would like to
hear bout all them Injuns an Yam
KEGS what he's killed :"
Billy's aunt was vfsibly en-
barrassed.
The persistent admiration of this,
her one lover, had been pleasing to
her, yet she had never been willing
to sacrifice her independence for the
cares and trials of matrimony. The
existing state of affairs between the
two was known to every one in the
small town, but such was Miss
Minerals dignifed aloofness that Bill
ly was the first person who had ever
dared to breach the subject to her.
Sit down here. William" she COM
manded, and l will read to you"
Tell me a tale he said. looking up
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
CHAPTER VII.
Rabbits and other Eggs.

Billy was sitting in the swing. jim
my crawIed over the fence and joined
him.
Miss Cecilia's dyeing me some
Easter eggs" he said, all blue and
pink and green and yelluh and every
kind they is; I token her some of
our hens eggs and she is going to fix
'em for me an they'll be just like
rabbits eggs; I reckon I'll have bout
a million I'll give you one" he added
generously.
q want morer one" declared Billy.
who was used to having the lions
share of everything.
You all time talking bout you
want more'n one egg" said Jimmy
You bout the stfngiest Peter they
is. Amt you got no eggs? Get Miss
Minerva to give you some of hers and
I'll take 'em over and ask Miss Ce-
ella to dye EN- for you cause you
amt 'quainted with Ter yet"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
None for Him. Thank You.

Representatives Hughes and Kin.
kead Of New Jersey and Cravens Of Ar
kansas, wits of the house, had just
returned from the funeral of a col
league. They were discussing the
pomp and publicity Of congressional
funeral.
q DO not want such a funeral, do
you. 'Gene?" said Mr.. Hughes to Mr.
Kinkead.
mo, Billy, I do not care to be put
away with so much display. What
about you, Benz" said Mr.. Kinkead
turning to Mr.. Cravens.
4 don't want any funeral" respond
ed the southerner, dryly.-Washing
ton Correspondence in New York
World
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
JEW SCORED ON ARISTOCRAT
il-Bred Remark Brought Discontinue
On Duke of Westminster and
His Companion.

friend of mine who is in Cairo
fust now told me a good sto in a
recent letter of an old Jew of that
city who scored off the young duke of
Westminster and his inseparable com
panion, Lord Rocksayage, when they
were there few weeks ago. They
We're buying some jewelry in the bazaar
there. and the duke remarked audibly
to his friend:
''The fool doesn't speak English Of
course" But the fool understood we'll
enough
DO you spik Italan?" he asked
them. to which they replied in the neg
ative.
DO you spik Grik?"
mo"
DO you spik Turk?"
NO"
DO you spik Russian?"
mo"
ME one time fool" said the old
man after short but eloquent pause;
you five times fool!" And the duke
and his friend retired discounted
Exchange.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

his own price" And once more John
Watch-me said, You lose"
Here it dawned upon Gates COM
panion that in the last match John
Watch-me had stood no chance to lose,
whichever way it went. and he made
remarks.
All right" said John Watch-me,
I'll match you to see whether you or
l stand the difference between the
buying and the selling price" For
what he had just sold cabby would
only give buying price that was just
500 less. This was the stake in the
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
Cold wejcome

A clergyman in small town was
deploring the fact that none of the
couples that came in from the coun-
try to be married stopped at his house
for the purpose.
Well, brother" said the man ad-
dressed, what can you expect with
that big sign on the tree there: Five
dollars fine for hitching here?'"-
Youths Companion.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

"F'what the dfvvle." burst out Mr..
Caran, explosively. Did yees tfnk I'm
a monkey, to understand fwhat this
chattering baboon here says to me?
If yees can't talk United States in
this court, take me to wan where they
do. That's ahll"
Magistrate VOORHEES, looked silently
at Caran, took in his violently Latin
scenery, and compared it with the
obviously Hibernian accents that
tumbled over each other on Caran's
lips. Then Mr.. VOORHEES, slipped him
self giggle. Discharged" said he
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

noted the mans name and observed
his makeup. Tell the court inter
prefer to come in" said he.
The court interpreter burst into a
gargle of Sicilian when he beheld Car
an. Caran looked stupetied. The in
terpreter tried the Neapolitan dialect
on him. Caran shook his head. The
interpreter tried Basque, half a dozen
country dialects of Spanish, and some
low French on him. Caran began to
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

look indignant The interpreter said
that it was no good. 'Dees-a-man can
not understan' noting wat Heye can
spik He mus be man fom one dem
little islands in da Mediterranean,
Were dey no speak good Italiano at
ALA" said the interpreter.
Caran listened with an air of grieved
surprise.
Its too bad said Magistrate Voor-
heis. Take him back to the cells.
Well have to hold him until we find
some one who can make him under
stand"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
Naturally

Robert, at the age of twelve, was
much puzzled over one question in
his examination paper on civics. 1t
ran, IF the president, vice-president,
and all the members of the cabinet
should die, who would officiate?" Rack
ing his brain in vain to remember the
order of succession, happy thought
came to him, and he wrote:
THE undertaken. WOmans Home
COMPANION.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
John w. Gates and the Cab

horse and cab from the driver, If it's
his"
1t was cabby's, SO they matched.
and John Watch-me had the satisfac-
ton of saying, You lose" The bar
gain struck, John Watch-me had an
other proposition to offer the new
owner.
r Now III match you." he said, to
see whether you keep the outfit or
whether you sell it back to cabby at
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

little pigs. He let me see EN- suck. ="
said Sam Lambs partner proudly.
He's got a COW, too; she's got the
worrisimest horns ever was. l be
lieve she's a steer anyway
'Shucks," said the country boy, con-
temptUousIy. You do know steer
when you see one; you can't milk no
steer"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
Smoke or Ride. Which7

In the early days of the London,
Brighton & South Coast Railway the
regulations against smoking were
strictly enforced. Tie Mechanics
Magazine of September. 1912. records
that "a foreign gentleman was re-
Gently smoking a cigar in train com
ing from Brighton to London The
guard warned him the practice was
not allowed. Nevertheless, he contin-
ued to smoke, and finished his cigar
At the next station he was asked for
his ticket and ordered out Of the
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
larly entertained" Hal said, comforta

Iarly entertained" Hal said. comforta-
bly,. Wen Just picnic"
"Good!" said Ted. approvingIy
They aren't hard to please. Just put
some stuff in a basket, and It will be
all right, mumsey. Fried chicken'd be
great, and just few ham sandwiches.
some of that chocolate layer cake you
make. and few doughnuts or apple
puffs, and maybe seed-cakes, If there
are any"
There you are. mumsey," said Hal
encouragingly. everything ali planned
for you. "-Youtb's Companion.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
PLANNING for Mother.

Mrs. Shepherd looked bewildered
when her SONS announced that six OF
the boys" were coming up on the
noon train. They want to see our
camp" said Ted.
Why didn't you tell me this morn
ing" Mrs. Shepherd walled, when the
butcher was on the hill?"
oh they won't expect to be regu-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
Little Gambling Episode in Which
''Watch-Me" Was Able to Say
''You Lose" Three Times.

A Gates anecdote that never got
so far as it deserved, if it was true,
was about his riding down town from
New York hotel in cab with stock
market friend
TN match you." said John Watch.
me, to see whether you or | buy this
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
Sad Excuse.

They were twitting a friend who
suffered, upon the fact that he had
never been married.
Il kn-kn-know, boys, that I've never
b-b-been married. but l was pre-pre-
pretty near it once"
How was that?" the inquired.
well, you See, I ask-ask-asked a
girl to hav-hay-have me, and she said
that she'd rather be ex-ex-excused, and
was such fo-fo-fool, l ex-ex-excused
her."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
Summer Wear.

Patrick worked for a VIGOROUSLY
stingy boss and lost no chance to
let the fact be known Once a wag-
gish friend, wishing to twit him, re
marked:
pat, 1 hear your boss just gave
you brand-new suit of clothes"
NO." said Pat, only part-rt of a
suit"
What part?"
'The sleeves iv the vest!"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
No Mere Pudding.

Margaret, little girl of four. was
visiting her grandparents There
were a number of aunts who were
somewhat careful of her looks as well
as morals. When ready to go home
Margaret said: When | get home I'm
not going to wash my feet. I'm not
going . say my prayers. and am
nos goils TO put pudding on my face"
You can't prove you are a good
talker by doing it all; comparisons
are needed
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

daytime. Aunt Minerva: me an
Wilkes Booth Lincoln amt never went
to bed in the daytime since ives born.
an | amt never lear tell OF a real
ligious oman a-puttin' little boy in
bed fore it's dark; an I amt never
a-going to NEEDLE with 20 ole hose
no mo-"
But Miss Minerva was obdurate,
and the little boy spent a miserable
hour between the sheets.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

coupe; and the guard, addressing one
of the officers OF the platform. warmed
him that that person was not to be
allowed to proceed to London by any
train that night So there he was
left."-London Chronicle.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
Curative AGENT.

do you think an ice cold plunge Is
good for peOple?"
well" replied the indolent person.
81 fell III while skating and l must ad-
nit that the fright cured me of hic.
coughs"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
a sure Bet.

q haven't heard from my son. who
is touring Europe. I am somewhat
worried -
What is his next stop"
Monte Carlo"
Then you'll hear from him"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

Doing is the great thing. For If,
resolutely, people do what is right, in
time they come to like doing it.-Rus-
kin.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
It's Nature.

Does anybody ever win at tea
fght?"
'Of course not. It is a drawn bat
tie"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
He Needed No Interpreter

Explosion Follows VoIIey of Dialects
Hurled at Caran, Which Results
in His Discharge.
Joseph Caran, laborer, tanned to the
color of the faded red undershirt he
was wearing, was arrested on a tech
meal charge the other day, writes the
New York correspondent of the Gin
cinnati Times-Star. and taken before
Magistrate VoOheis. The magistrate
scanned the papers placed before him,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
Small Encouraoement.

Kate-They say a woman is as old
as she looks.
Maud-Never mind, dear; we all
know you are only twenty-six
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

A long life and a merry one may Ne ex-
pected by those who use Garfield Tea the
natural herb regulator. For sale at al drug
stores.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

last match, and for the third time
John Watch-me was able to say. You
lose"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
Un TO the Minute

well, she has succeeded in doing
the latest thing, anyhow"
whats that?"
''Eloped with her fathers aviator"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

Some men give a dollar with one
hand and grab two with the other.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28

Some men try to avoid paying as
they go because they don't expect to
come back.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
Poor Henry,

Poor Henry.
Peck claims that when he married
he was misled"
Eyes, and now he is Mrs led"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-03-28
SUMMING II I'm

WAS the charity ball a success?"
"Oh, yes, indeed. They say the
gowns must have cost a half million
at least"
"And how much was raised for
charity?"
Why. nearly 800. Wasn't that
f1ne?"
The Colorado statesman., 1912-08-10
"Break" on the Wire.

Two telegraph operators were seat
ed In a downtown cafe recently when
an athletic young man and an exceed
ingly pretty girl entered. They were
placed at a table opposite the "key"
men, who were sitting side by side in
position facing the girl. AS is the
custom of the craft when wishing to
discuss someone in public place they
telegraphed to each other, using their
knives on the plate.
"Peacherino, isn't she?" one licked
to the other.
"A tree full" came back the tapping
reply. Wonder who the sack is with
her?"
Search me-looks like boob tied
up with wren like her."
BET they aren't married. If they
are, all she needs to do to get a d.
yorce is to exhibit that map OF his in
court"
While the two men were enjoying a
huge laugh over their silent joking
they were surprised and somewhat
alarmed to hear some more table
knife telegraphy." The "peacherino"
was doing it and she did not look at
all pleased, either.
you two would better look out
while you are all together" carelessly
licked her knife blade while she list.
ened TO something her companion was
saying. This sack and boob, as you
called him, with the divorce map, Is
my Observation-Disclosures by trade.
He eats fresh little boys"
Something happened to the wires"
about that time and all communication
ceased.-Kansas City Journal.
The Colorado statesman., 1912-08-10
Country Weel<Srs.

Mayor Crump of Memphis in re-
cent address on behalf OF children's
country week associations said:
Astonishing is the ignorance of
nature shown by these little pale,
lean slum dwellers. One child, whose
knowledge Of trees and grass and
flowers was derived from the early
closing city parks, said as she gazed
with delight on green rural scene:
"'What time does the country shut
up?'
Another child watched a farmland
digging potatoes and said:
" Is this where you keep your pota-
toes, sir? l should think it would be
handler to keep them In bags in the
cellar
And l know of a third child to
whom farmer offered superb, ripe
peach.
Let me pluck this peach for you
right off the tree,' he said.
But the child, a little girl. turned
up her nose and answered loftily:
No, thank you. never eat them
till they're canned Exchange.
The Colorado statesman., 1912-08-10

We may continue to erect and pur-
chase churches, foster and promulgate
protective organizations like that OF
the Young Mems Christian and Young
Womens Christian associations, but
until we begin within the home and
let a higher and better influence radi-
ate from those homes little II any good
will be accomplished. Let the thought
full Christian people of this city begin
a crusade as has been suggested In
and see that every man and woman in
our community goes to work. There
is at present too much idleness among
us. The mluister In the pulpit and ev.
cry member of his congregation ought
to bestir themselves to rid this com.
munity of these octupuses Of idleness.
these incubators of evil, such as infest
many Of the corners of this city
Philadelphia Courant.
The Colorado statesman., 1912-08-10
Law Of Coed Faith.

see no exception to the respect
that is paid among nations to the law
of good faith. If there are cases in
this enlightened period when 1t is vio-
lated, there are none when 1t is de-
cried. 1t is the philosophy of politics,
the religion of governments 1t is OBJ
served by barbarians-a Whit Of to-
bacco smoke, or string of beads,
gives not merely binding force. but
sanctity to treaties. Even in Algierr
truce may be bought Cor money; but,
when ratified, even Algiers is too wiss
or too just, to disown and annul it's
obligation. Thus, wa see neither the
ignorance Of savages nor the prin-
ciples Of an association iar piracy and
rapine, permit nation to despise its
engagements. If there could be O res
direction from the foot Of the sallows,
If the victims of Justice couiE itre
again, collect together and form Sc
ciety, they would, however loath,
soon find themselves obliged to maier
Justice, that Justice under which they
fell, the fundamental law of their
state.-Fisher Ames.
The Colorado statesman., 1912-08-10
WARY OLD BLACKSNAKE
GAVE NATURALIST A MERRY
TIME BEFORE ITS CAPTURE.
Every Device, From Flight to Open
Defiance Resorted To- Finally
Shaken From Tree Top 1t
Continues Resistance.

A naturalist in Virginia encountered
a desirable specimen of blacksnake
which he wanted for his collection. As
usual in such cases the snake saw him
first 1t lay perfectly quiet, trusting to
escape observation.
| Directly in front Of the naturalist
lay wide open space. The naturalist
knew that he could easily overtake
the blacksnake before 1t could reach
the bushes opposite. The blacksnake
too, seemed to be cognizant of this
fact, inasmuch as the man had not
taken half dozen steps in its direc-
tion before 1t changed it's tactics and,
some ten feet away, turned and
charged its hunter.
The man spread his legs and stoop-
ed to catch the snake. But the black
snake displayed such agility that be-
fore the hunter could determine just
where to grasp it the snake was ten
feet away.
1t was evident that the blacksnake
expected the man to fee, as no doubt
1t had seen other men flee under such
circumstances. The snake was some
seven feet in length and although
quite harmless looked formidable
enough to frlghten the average man.
AS its hunter did not flee the snake
turned about and again charged. This
time 1t swerved from its course when
1t saw that the man was standing his
ground. This deviation in the snakes
rush got it into some bushes. Here it
coiled after the manner of a rattle
snake.
1t elevated Its tail and vibrated it
with great rapidity and, striking the
leaves and twigs, managed to produce
buzzing sound not unlike the warn
Ing of rattler. At the same time it
drew back its head as if ready to
strike.
The man continued to advance; so
the snake once more changed its tao
tics. 1t began to doge in and out Of
the bush. The maneuvering continu-
ed for perhaps ten minutes. Then the
man, seeing good opportunity, rush
ed forward to secure his prize.
The blacksnake mounted through
the bushes to their tops and went
from the tops to the lower branches
Of a small birch. 1t continued to
mount upward and made It's way to
the swaying tip, some Is feet in the
air, performing the feat as quickly as
4 squirrel could have dcne it.
From this elevated position the
olacksnake surveyed the man in tri-
umph. But its exultation was short
lived, for a vigorous shake of the tree
brought it down, and as it fell upon
the soft bed of leaves at the hunters
'eet the man threw himself upon the
serpent and succeeded in catching it.
Even then the blacksnake did not
lose its head, but by an unexpected
movement managed to fasten one OF
It's teeth in finger. infiicting deep
scratches.
The naturalist kept this snake for
nearly two months. 1t proved to be
The most intractable of blacksnakes.
Whenever the naturalist took it in
his hands 1t would exhibit much in
genuity in its attempts to escape.
The Colorado statesman., 1912-08-10
Commercial PolltIce.

Commerce forms a numerous class,
friends of external peace and internal
tranquility. who attach themselves to
the established government.
1t creates great fortunes, which in
republics become the origin of the
most forceful aristocracies. AS a rule
commerce enriches the cities and
their inhabitants, and increases the
laboring and mechanical classes, in
opening more opportunities for tho
requirement Of riches. To an extent
1t fortifies the Democratic element
in giving the people of the cities
greater influence in the government.
1t arrives at nearly the same result
by impoverishing the peasant and land
owner. by the many new pleasures Of
fered him and by displaying to him
the ostentation and voluptuousness of
luxury and ease. It tends to create
bands Of mercenaries rather than
those capable Of worthy personal sery-
Ice. 1t introduces into the nation
luxury. ease and avarice at the same
time as labor.-Barnave.
The Colorado statesman., 1912-08-10

o. The negroes of Washington and the
District of Columbia OF the old set
tiers, before the war, acquired much
and valuable real estate when land val
ues were cheap, but which has appre
ciated greatly with the years and the
marvellous improvements that have
made Washington one of the most
beautiful capitals of the world. Much
of this property was allowed by the
first purchasers or their immediate
heirs to get away from them, but much
of 1t was kept in the family" and is
now held by the heirs. A very great
volume has also been secured by new
comers" since the war. The Washing
ton Bee chronicles the passing of
block 900 in street to the ownership
of negroes. For a great many years
Mr.. Daniel Murray OF the Congression-
al library was the only negro propri-
etor in the street Mr.. Benjamin
Washington purchased the adjoining
property and the exodus of whites be-
gan. The Bee says: Among the
newest colonists' in this 900 block of
street. are Prof. and Mrs. l.. B.
Moore, DR.. and Mrs. W. l.. Tignor. DIR.
and Mrs. j. h. Francis, Jr., and Mr..
and Mrs. r. w. Thompson, Mr.. and