The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-11-04
Aeeordi.g to U.eae Asner.

Lem Higgins Gays he sits on the
fence and watches the trains go BY
bekus it IL cheaper than sitting on
the train and watching the fences 60
by.
Hank Tumms always quits work at
the opening Of the Tom and Jerry
season.
1t Is a poor milliner who can't hx
up her own Paris styles without going
out Of her own shop.
A Teller kin hear more things that
amt so In a barber shop than in any
other place in town.
Elmer Spinks says he wall never fol-
low the British custom and wear side
whiskers. because they would inter-
fers with eatin' huckleberry pie.
Whom they call anything On the bill
Of fare BY . foreign name that you
can't understand. II IL generally some
form Of hash with gravy on It
Something must OF happened to Miss
Amy Perkins. She left for West Hack-
eyville yestiddy. and nobuddy has re-
eeived q pictur postcard from her yet
Outside Of the lawyers and the life
insurance agents there aln't much OF
. population In this country.
What mas become Of the old.fash.
toned Teller who used to carry q red
tooth brush In his upper vest pockct1
Princess Gagarine. Of Russia, says
American women are too thin But
still it isn't possible to see through
them sometimes.
One more thing in favor Of Woodrow
Wilson is that Secretary Jim Wilson
has not sought to establish relation
ship.
Although there is nothing about 1t
in any Of the national platforms, most
people will continue to swat the flies.
But 1t will not be real prosperity
until every man has q pair OF suspen-
ders for every pair OF trousers.
From the Hickeyville Clarion. q
Hold Sphinx is diggin' well 30 deep
that when he is in the bottom of 1t he
kin hear lhe Japs plottin' against
Amerilcy.
Miss Euphemia Perkins, our poetess
Of passion. Mas written q poem for this
paper, and same will be published
when she antes up cents a line, which
Is our rates, the same as for cards OF
thank. Simplifed spelling Is great
stuff. for the editor that uses It don't
have to spend any time reading proof
Nobody knows whether 1t is right or
not. not even the Teller that invented it.
Old Uncle Abner says he was treated
by a doctor the last time he was down
to the city. II amt known what he
took, but it's pretty near a cinch he
took a little ucker.
The last time this town went local
option 1t was pretty tough on the old
topers- The only places whore they
could buy Ticker was the following:
three drug stores, William Tibbitts
general store. upstairs over the livery
stable, Hank Tumms's boathouse. Jed
Frinks blacksmith shop. Anse Judsons
Toulouse Purdy's -four mill, Tilson's
barber shop, Deacon Stubbs's corncrib.
Hold Peters's henhouse, room 365, Hotel
Hoppetown, and at the railrud station
baggage room.
Swazey Creek is flooded. and EZra
Harkins. our local weather bureau. has
consulted his rheumatfz and says the
creek Is goin' four feet and three
tenths higher. When 1t comes to
weather, Uncle Ezra Is not only q
bureau. but a whole bedroom set
There Is three feet of water in the
basement Of william Tibbitt's general
store, and fishin' through the knotholes
in the floor IS all the rage. Grandpa
Babbins has caught one rubber boot
and a secondhand zinc washboard
T. Egbert Peavy has given up his
plan TO locate down to the city and
has accepted q lucrative position as
fioorwalker In Amos Butts's livery
stable.
Old Alb Jones Is q regular end seat
hog. Three women fell over him try
ing to get into the amen corner in
the q. B. Church last Sunday.