The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1912-12-27
WOES OF BRIDE-ELECT
BY BENNETT JOHNSON.

fOr mercy sake, crled the girl III
the new fall suit, when did the last
ship get In from Paris? Where did
you get the clothes? never saw any.
thing 80 gorgeous in all my life! Your
hat ia a dream, and that veil is an.
other. You are marvel! What for.
especially?"
The other young woman smiled COM
placently. do strike you that way!
she inquired in gratified tones. Then
l must be all right for that Is pre-
cisely the effect I intended to pro-
duce. II 1t had been a shade less
should have considered my toilet q
failure! / wanted to make IL impos-
sible for any one to think Of me as
anything but the most fashionable
thing on earth!"
well. you've done It," declared the
girl In the new fall suit. "Why?"
"You know" explained the gor-
geously appareled one, that Harry's
family had never met me before we
were engaged. They lived miles away
across town. After we were engaged
Harry said they were all coming to
call on me. Naturally | was anxious
to make a good impression"
well, that was easy" said her
friend. at never is what one would
call hard work to look at you!"
Watt" said the fashionable one
in hollow tones. For two weeks
went around from breakfast time till
the lights were out at night, so dressed
up that nobody dreamed of asking me
TO dust the living room, as usual, or do
anything but ornament the place.
Then a bushel of tomatoes came the
day mother had to go to luncheon. Go
on!' l told her, heroically. Il will
make the chilli sauce and the catch
up!'
I'VE never leave such things to the
cook In fact, to get rid Of the cook
| told her to take the afternoon of, so
that l would have a clear field in the
kitchen. | suppose there are won
derful individuals who can work up a
bushel Of tomatoes while attired in q
neat blue serge with white collar and
cuffs, like the angelic persons we see
in the pictures, and emerge unrufled
But when ! tackle anything like
tomatoes 7 get into il up to my elbows
There were tomatoes on the walls,
and tomatoes shattered in my hair
and over my face and my apron was
a sight
Everything on the stove started
boiling at once and Twas hot and flus
trated when the bell rang.
Let it ring!' said l to myself. 1t
rang again. You know there is some
thing intensely human and personal
about a doorbell that you aren't an
swering. 1t seems so accusing and re-
proaehful Just as / said for the fourth
time Let it ring, dropped a preserv-
ing spoon splash into the catchup and
rushed madly to the door.
81 had remembered that the dress
maker was to send home my dress
that afternoon for the dance that
night. l wrenched open the front
door to catch the figure descending
the steps.
"Oh, yes, it was Harry's mother
dear. 1t couldn't have been any one
else on earth, you know. There she
stood gazing at her daughterin law
elect, who resembled at that moment
a cross between an inebriated cook
and a squashed tomato. Harry's moth
er is one of those neat, perfect wom-
en-. to whom a hair out of place is a
perfectly unexplainable phenomenon.
/ know she burst into tears at her
sons fate the instant she withdrew
from my presence. And the tomato
catchup all burned up while was sit
ting in the best parlor chair smear
ing it with tomatoes and acting as
though / was quite happy,
THE men came to clean out the
furnace the other day, and mother and
/ took the same time to clean the
storeroom. You know what store
room does to you-it puts cobwebs in
your hair and grimes you with dust,
and you get SCOT on your nose and
wear the gown that is worse than
your worst one. When the bell rang
this time-it being the maids day out
mother said, oh, bother! That
must be Mrs. Phipps for the sewing
society stuff! Do run up and hand
her the bundle | left in the front
hall!
II ran, incidentally tumbling over
the furnace mans litter and putting
my hands into a basket of SCOT and
ashes, which I busted off on my apron
as | went. Yes, it was Harry's mar
ried sister, who takes two hours every
day to dress and hyphenates her
name.
II will say nothing of the day Harry
introduced me to a cousin Of his whom
we met by chance, when 1t had been
raining and / had no umbrella. You
know what my hair looks like when
It gets damp-exactly like straggly
shoe lacesl
Nor will / mention the time l met
Harry's younger sister. 1t was in a
beauty parlor, where I had my hair
pulled back from my countenance and
cold cream all over my face. Are you
able to imagine me smiling in a self