Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1912-10-24
JOUR- OLD cnum nfL6f"

uisIrlcl, InaC we call ny MS W name
"Helge." we never could keep a secret
and we are too old to make a try at it
now, so here goes.
Long years before we haunted the
fast disappearing demo.reps on these
alkall flats, we heard that he was the
man who put the first syllable on the
orthodox pronunciation of the place
where Que has to have masses said, be-.
fore one a get out. We never did be-
lieve that but as democrats were scarce
as hens teeth, we would never get one
to stand still long enough to find out the
truth.
Anyway, Hedge is a medicine man in
the tribe of demo-reps. He doesn't take
his own medicine, but he mixes the
pills and the fool voters swallow them
every election time and then gag for
the balance OF the two years that Hedge
is stirring up another mess. Some way
or another, Hedge got the dose too
strong four years ago for the people
OF his native village, and when the time
came two years ago for them to "open
their mouths, shut their ayes and gulp,"
they didn't.
They reversed it, They opened their
eyes, shut their mouth-and Hedge
gulped-down his first dose. He is
still gulping, not altogether over that
old dose, but over that one the socialists
of the first district have all mixed, and
he knows he'll have to take it.
Among other vauable assets tina t
Hedge cultivates, is a very short temper,
and when he saw that he could no
longer mix the DOPE" in other words,
poll the votes of the citizens to his home
town, he waxed exceedingly wrathy and
called them names not found in books
on social etiquette. Political "wakes''
we're held, and there will be JOY when
the people of the first district can at
tend Hedges political funeral.
Among other things and accomplish
ments. Hedge is the owner of some So
called 'real estate" in his town--we call
his town, because he owns the men who
run 1t and if that isn't owning it we'll
eat our shirt. In that town every foot
of the streets are bordered with cement
sidewalks, every foot, mind you-except
the sections lying in front of Helge's
property. Now we don't want our readers
to think that Hedge is stingy, or that
be is short on cash. He isn't but he is
one OF the saving sort. that is, he wants
to save what the other fellow makes as
we'll as his own. Just beyond Hedges
house lives an old lady who has long
since passed the "three score years and
ten who would like to attend the Sun.
day services, but she can't without
breaking through the board walk in
front of Relge's domicile, and she was
taught that it was wrong to break up
another's property, even though that
property is a rotten sidewalk, so she
gives up her church so that Hedge
won't have to put in a new sidewalk.
Kind of the dear old lady, isn't it? Now
there are very few people who would be
so careful of a dear congressman's prop
erty.
Ii Hedge was socialist he would be
denounced as !"being against the church
and religion" but they don't denounce
a democrat for everyone knows that
they haven't got enough religion to
make an angel cock one eye when the
gate closes, (they know where he is
headed for anyway
Now we hope that you are all satisfied
that we do just dote on Hedge. Why,
he's such a public spirited cuss and one
OF the SWEETEST dancers you ever saw.
When that naughty socialist, Leon
Durocher, whom everyone thinks is 90
ing to make Hedge take that nasty, bit
ter pills on the 9Th day of November,
had the audacity to demand that Hedge
debate with him whether the farmers
had been skinned enough, Hedge tripped
and tra-la-la'd away from him like a
dancing dervisher, and told Durocher
that he was so busy chasing cockroaches
outof his hay loft that he didn't have
time to debate.
Now wasn't that clever of him? No
one but a born statesman could have
possibly thought of such an thing, but
Hedge did. And then there's another
thing we almost forgot. There is a
small plot of ground near where Hedge
lives (when he isn't advising his fellow
men how to mark their ballot so that
he won't have to stay at home) and that
plot of ground raises a swell growth of
brush and taxes. AS we have said,
Hedge is a very public spirited man, and
in the fullness of his heart, he decided
to give that chunck of dirt, brush and
taxes-especially the taxes to the citi-
zens of his town, providing they would
use it for a park, clean out the brush
and-pay the taxes for Hedge.