University Missourian. [volume] (Columbia, Mo.) 1908-1916, 1912-04-11
THE MAN IN FRONT
AND
H MAN BEHIND
From the Point Of View
Of the Man Between

There are no set rules. barring
house rules. for the conduct of pa
irons of theatres. OF necessity the
course of action will depend on the
nature OF the entertainment being
given. For instance, if you are the
man behind at a kubelik recital the
proper thing TO do when the musician
strikes up a tune which you have
learned from yOur Victor is to assist
the musician. Even if you don't Hnow
the tune, HUN SOMETHING. Any
thing to make a noise. Get as close
as possible to the mar in front and
hum in his ear. Or whistle gently,
taking care to see that the exhaust
of air strikes your man in his tym-
panic tube. BY this the man between
gets the benefit of an electric fan
and a buzz saw, both at the same
time.
Especially should the ladies never
let an opportunity like this pass. All
women are born singers. Some are
worse than others, o of them
worse. Ii doesn't matter if the vic
tim Squirmms around in his chair and
glares ut ecu. GLARE RIGHT BACK
and HUN A LITTLE LOUDER. You'll
get him in TIE long r1TI.
If you cant hum at all. start a
conversation rear h region where
his neck ought to be shaver, but isn't.
There are numerous subjects on
which to base an argument. Just a
few are the more common ones: How
Kubelik combs his hair" is his
wife behind the wings" How funny
be wiggles his head" or "Aint he a
little man" The mar between has
paid $50 to hear Kubelik play. and
he should get his moneys worth.
These are details which he might
overlook. CALL HIS ATTENTION
TO THEM AND DISCUSS THEM
THOROUGHLY. No man should go
away dissatisfied. | have merely given
suggestions as to what is the con-
ventiOnal thing to do at a musical.
The same general principles will ap-
ply at any entertainment from the
latest Imp" TO Hamlet"
The most popular method in case
of the drama is to read the play be-
fOrehand. If you cant get the manu-
script. get the book and read it: then
during the performance relate the
story. always keeling a little ahead
of the acting. Rest between acts
so as to stretch it out all through the
performance. This breaks the sus-
ems and nerve tension of the man
between. and at the same time giving
him a faint idea of how many brains
YOU have. Now. if you are the mar
in front. your sole duty is to Obstruct
the view Of the man behind. There
are various ways of doing this. all
of them equalyl effective. If o
have a long overcOat. You are well
equipped. Throw your OvercOat over
the back of the seat in such a way
as to make a curtain between the
man behind and the stage. This will
give him an opportunity to examine
il closely and to appreciate its tex
ture. He can amuse himself by guess
ing what you paid for it.
A woman al usually fix her hair
TO accomplish the same purpose. Your
professional knows the art. He wig
other. II is easy to tell on which
side the man behind is looking. Thus
if you block him on the right. it is
a cinch that he m his neck
around to the left. SWITCH TO THE
LEFT AND HE MOVES TO THE
RIGHT. Keep the movement up and
casiOn. If you get tired and wish
TO rest a moment stretch your program
out in front of your face. The man
behind strains just as hard trying to
see around your program. BY perse-
verence you will be able to wear him
out or to throw his neck ont of joint.
Either result is satisfactory. At the
most interesting parts you should
scrutch up in your chair. Don't let
him see a climax. He might strain
his eyes. If he makes unpleasant
remarks about You overlook il; he
is nothing but a crouch. and deucedly
ill-bred. Such people have no right
to see a show anyway. They ought
to stay at home.