davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
Humorous Comment
Not His Lead.

Here is another of the stories told
by the late Senator Robert l.. Tay-
lor and published by his close friend,
John Trotwood Moore:
An old-time darby was closing his
sermon one night in Paradise Alley,
and Uncle Rastus, who had been
PLAYING cards the night before, was
seated in the amen corner sound
asleep, dreaming of his favorite
game. The old preacher said:
Eve will now close dis meetin' wild
pray'r, an we will ak Bre'r Rastus
to lead"
Uncle Rastus suddenly reused him.
self from his slumber and shouted:
TT amt my lead! just dealt!"-
Philadelphia Ledger
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
A Difference.

George AIDE, at dinner in New
York, urged . subtler use Of words,
use words with delicate care" he
said. Observe all their subtle dis.
tinctions. Never write vision. for In
stance. when sight is what you
mean" 8,
There's no difference between
sight and vision" interrupted an
editor.
Nor" said Mr.. AIDE. "And yet,
Billy when you and I passed each
other on Broadway yesterday after
noon, the girl was with was vision
while the one with you was sight,
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17

increased in population during IA
years. We have, therefore. people
that are Ave times richer, In actual
cash. than they were IL years ago, and
q people who are 100 per cent richer
lin the physical value of their real
estate.
Perhaps 1t will be hard for some of
our people to figure where their share
Of this increased wealth Is. but 1t is
certain that it Is in Iowa-son1ewhere
In Iowa.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
JOB HEDGES EPleRAMs.

From an address by the republican
nominee for governor of New York:
have heard great deal about the
square deal believe In the square
deal, but don't believe In one mans
dealing all the time. I want the cards
passed around.
wouldn't walk foot to tight and
1 wouldn't run an inch to avoid q
quarrel.
Politics is the art Of handling people
in the aggregate without brute force.
The only trouble with Roosevelt is
he believes he IL necessity to the
American people. I believe he 10 q
luxury, and We must be economical
these days. You can't look at yourself
and see anybody else. That's the
answer.
4 want you to look me over but !
don't want you to overlook me on
election day.
/ believe that the government is a
thing to. live under, and not live on.
That's why l don't belong to Tammany
Hall.
The trouble with most reformers is
that they have q pet remedy you can't
take without taking them.
Whether mans progressive or
not depends on the way he faced
when he started.
You can't legislate brains into q
man g, head any moro than you can put
them in his pocket-without violating
the penal code.
want to have an administration at
Albany that conducts itselfs just like
folks.
MY good frineds tell me that at
Saratoga the republicans shunled tho
pack and drew the joker and nomin-
ated him for governor You know
what you can do with joker. And on
November &, I'm going to lay my card
down and take all that's on the
table.
We're all after the same thing and
that is to get all we can without get
ting arrested. -.
There's nothing the trouble win
the country. The, troubles with the
people. They're little excited, tnat
all.
Taft il a colossal failure 40 an ad.
vertiser. He has simple and some
what revolutionary idea that he was
elected to be president.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17

has no chance Of election, but can only
cut down the republican vote. A vote
for Roosevelt therefore is half a vote
for free trade A vote for President
Taft and the republican ticket assures
a continuation of the protective sys-
tenn under which the country has pros
pered fer fifty years, with the excep-
ton of the four distressing years when
the low tariff was in control.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
H. w. MICHAEL is
STRONG CANDIDATE

Hiram w. Michael, resident of
Wapello county for number Of years
ID the republican candidate for the
very important ONCE OF sheriff Mr..
Michael II elected. will bring to the
office all the requirements that 1t
demands, and he promises to give sat
isfaction to all as sherift Of Wapello
county.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
MONDAY NIGHTS CRIME;

The attempt to assasslnate
dore Roosevelt, former president OF
the United States and candidate IN
the election this year, was dastardiy
outrage. The would-be assassin un,
doubtedly is maniac, but he IS one OF
the weak-minded class easily infiuenc,
"a by the bitter attacks published on
nnr nublic men. This attempted crime
shcnld tone down campaign that
Mas gone beyond the bounds of mod
Grafton.
The country will rejoice that Col'
Roosevelt was not dangerously
wounded and that physicians are 50
hopeful of his total recovery a1ter d
short period of rest. ST..
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
JOSEPH PARKS WILL
MAKE GOOD OFFICER

In Joseph Parks, the republican
ticket has an exceptionally strong
candidate for the Office of county SUI
perintendent OF schools Mr. Parks ID
an instructor of ability, and he appeals
to the voters of the county for their
support OF his capabilities.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
The TayIor.Leach Weddlno.

Charlton, Oct. 15.-Frank Edward
Taylor and Miss Della Leach were
united in marriage in this city on
Sunday evening at the Christian par
sonage, Rev. c. c. Davis performing
the ceremony. The groom is son OF
w. H. Taylor of this place and the
bride is a daughter of Alohzo Leach,
Of Lucas. Both are excellent young
people and will have the best wishes
OF large circle of friends.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
Press Comment.
Cannot Ia Cornered,

Boston Herald: 81 have found graft
tude scarce commodity" declared j.
|P. Morgan in the course of his testi-
mony before the senate committee In
vestigating campaign contributions.
But it is one of the few commodities
on which no one will ever secure q
corner" despite its scarcity. Other.
wise Mr.. Morgan might have control.
led 1t before this.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
WOMAN ACCUSED
OF BOOTLEGGING

Abba, Oct. 16.-Sheriff Grimm took
into custody yesterday Mrs. Nate Rus.
sell of Ward, on the charge OF boot
logging. She will remain in the coun-
ty JAIL until her case comes up before
the proper authorities.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17

1t is hard to understand why Mr..
kirkpatrick who has lived in North
Carolina for twenty-five years and
owns a home, several town lots and q
100 acre farm in that state, should
come way out to Iowa to run for con.
gress in the sixth congressional dis.
trict. Why doesn't he become a candi-
date in the state where he makes his
home?
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
Finn THE REFoRMER.

Minneapolis Journal: William
Films contract with Matthew STAN
ley Quay, which Senator Pomerene
characterized as about as vicious as
could be made, was read before the
Clapp Investigating committee,
whereupon the blushing reformer
from Pittsburgh admitted that it
had been drawn up, but asserted that
there was no intention of signing 1t.
1--WE have in our section" said this
party of the second part, "a way Of
selling gold bricks. This was a gold
brick we sold to Quay. It was in
tended only to gain time, and prevent
Quay from interfering with our local
ticket"
The explanation did not satisfy the
committee, and 1t will not satisfy the
public, that Finn and Quay would not
have carried out the contract as far
as their mutual interests were con-
|cerned. H..,.-
The agreement was drawn up in
1896, at time when Quay entertain
ed the preposterous idea that he could
be nominated for president of the
United States at the st. Louis conven-
ton. BY the contract Finn agreed to
deliver to Quay the delegates from the
Pittsburgh district which meant &C.
tually all the western part Of the
state, where his influence was potent.
He also agreed to nominate for con-
gress men who would be guided in all
matters political by the wishes Of "the
party of the first part" namely Quay.
Quay in return agreed to quiet all fac
titnal fighting against Films candi-
date for mayor Of Pittsburgh. They
mutually agreed to stand by each
other in all matters Of legislation that
affected their business, which meant
that the legislature was not to rip"
Films contract interests In Pitts
burgh.
Senator Pomerene's characterize
ton Of the document and Films ad-
mission that he meditated treachery,
not only to the people, but to Quay
also, are in violent contrast with the
description of Finn given in q
speech by Colonel Roosevelt at Tue
son, Ariz. "I'll tell you about Finn, .
said the colonel to the unsophisticated
denizens of the deserts. Film is
about as stout a champion of popular
liberty as exists He told me
that it was a long experience, that
| he needed to learn 1t and that he had
Learned it-had been taught that the
safety Of our government lay In max
I ing the people real and not merely
nominal rulers Of their own govern
ment agencies
Deeply imbued with these new ideas,
Finn went forth like Sir Galahad, but
armed with dough bag instead Of a
spear, and spent one hundred and
forty thousand dollars in four weeks
to bring about real rule OF the PEG.
ple'' in Pennsylvania.
Iowa.
Waterloo Times-Tribune: 1owa's
farm lands have nearly doubled dur
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17

What interest can SAINT Kirkpatrick
have in Iowa? His property and home
are in North Carolina. What object
would he have N working for the ad-
|vancement Of Iowa? L.,.... -.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
Indian summer paflned.

Louisville Courter-J ournal: Possibly
1t is called Indian summer because 1t
Is mild, dreamy period of summer
like weather during which your coal
dealers takes your scalp.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17

II all the effort that has been put
forth since May LIST by the politicians,
could have been corralled in storage
battery, it would make the Keokuk
dam look like q push cart.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17

A sweet dream is one in which some distant rela-
tive about to die unexpectedly and leave the dream
several blocks of city property The shock on
awakening from dream of this nature is too great to
be spoken of in spirit of levity.
A bad dream is the kind which leaves man on
the main street of his home CITY, clad IN his night
dress and deep, purple blush. Many modest citf-
zen on awakening from dream of this revolving
character has Immediately gotten out OF bed and put
on all the clothes he could find in the house. to guard
against walking Tin his Sleep.
The most terrifying dream on record Is known as
the nightmare which is always throwing man on
the high bridge burying him under twelve feet of
coal slack. This dream is usually accompanied by
of the most ear-sptting vocal exercises to be
heard outside of conservatory of music.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17

NINE"
did you carry two umbrellas
when you left homer asked the
stranger.
Then Mrs. Smith discovered that
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17

Uncovered dreaming
small
sitting think of something
monthly bills With however,
o IN doubedecked nightmare.
ALL sleep soudy that
film
pillow reel after reel without
observing a half note rest
rid of which hangs three
meanwhile
repeating faore Nothing exasean than
coming
back to fms t
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17

1t is very fitting that George AIDE
should write In favor Of Roosevelt
Georges whole life has been put in
writing jokes for pay.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
The Greater Legacy.

Chicago Evening Post: Wilbur
Wright left $279,298. But the main
part Of his estate will be probated by
history
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
Not in LlncoIn's Vocabulary.

st. Louis Globe-Democrat: A diction-
ary has been found that once belonged
to Abraham Lincoln's family line.
"Bolter" is one of the words not found
in It,
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
Ionored,

Washington Post: A man will TAX
almost any advice except that Of hi
own conscience. u-E
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
The Good Liar,

Charleston News and Courier: We
are told that anybody who. is willing
to lie can make q million dollars. II
he is good liar. he does not have to
make it. He simply says he has it.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
How About Il?

Denver Republican: DR.. Madison G.
Peters, Of New York, says the man who
sells his farm is fool In what class
is the man who mortgages his farm to
get an auto?
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
She Was So Sure.

A woman who may be called Mrs.
Smith placed her umbrella against
the counter at which she was making
some purchases in department store
the other day, and when she finished
picked it up and started away. At
least that was the way it ran through
her mind.
pardon me-" said strange won.
an. "but you have my umbrella"
..Oh, no." laid Mrs. Smith, that
is my umbrella"
pardon me again" insisted the
strange woman. "but 1t Is mine.''
II guess / know my umbrella"
said Mrs. Smith, beginning to show
fight. "If you have lost your UNI.
.brella I am sorry, but l can't 91ve you
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
The Cont OF BAD Roads,

Des Moines Capital: There are more
than 2O0,000,0O0 tons Of farm products
hauled over the roads in the United
States each year. The average dis
lance from the farms to the markets
Is about nine miles. The average cost
Of hauling these crops in the United
States is twenty-three to twenty-five
cents per ton per mile. If there were
good roads in the United States the
average cost would be from ten to
twelve cents per mile. But multiply
ing the 20O,O00000 tons by twenty.
three cents and it will be seen that the
yearly cost Of hauling these crops by
wagon Is over $432,000,00O. These
facts are from government reports. A
statement Of them ought to be posted
In every farm home in Iowa.
Iowa annually pays into the hands OF
the township trustees 100000 IN
cash for the benefit Of the roads. This
sum would seem to be more than half
wasted.
How much longer will Iowa submit
to these conditions?
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
Sidewalk Sketches
BY Howard. Ram
DREAMS.

series Of original moving pictures which given Tor
bloodurdlng
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
Iowa..

Waterloo Times-Tribune: 1owa's
farm lands have nearly doubled dur
ing the period Of II years and as the
cash on deposit is nearly five times
what it was, the wealth Of the state is
something to marvel at. Perhaps
other states can make just as good
showing. In. the great centers Of in
dustry a greater showing can be made,
but the comparison must always be in
Iowa's favor for the reason that the
best evidence Is that Iowa has not
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
Indians Idea jot Temperance.

James Thorpse, the champion OF
the Olympic games, Is an Indian, and
discussing the welfare Of the Indian
race, he said
"Total abstinence is essential to
my people. The average Indian can.
not drink temporarily. His idea OF
temperance is like that Of the coun-
try gentleman, who said:
81 drink brandy only on two oc.
casions-when I have roast chicken
for dinner and when I haven't =
Detroit Free Press.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
The Foollshness Of Men Folk.

Chicago Tribune: Men folk are full
Of foolishness. There's Father Tes'
reau moping around in the Ozarks
because jeff didn't win his games
against Boston. but Mother Marquard
making jell in Cleveland, can't get
anywise excited because RUDE beat
the Red Sox. "Oh, he isn't such q
WONDER" says Mrs. Vanguard, making
jell.
Mrs. Marquard knows that Rube II
always was the hardest thing to gel
any work out Of him when she had
her hands full at preserving time
The boys would come whistline
around and II she turned her back 9
minute RUDE was gone and t. reach
butter was burning on the sto 9. All
right If they want to pay him lot
of money for playing ball now, but
what she wants to make sure OF is
the jell going to jell.
Pa Tesreau Is like the rest OF the
men folk, hunting around for some
thing foolish to worry about when
he'd better be saving wood.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
Curious TO Learn.

In Georgia they tell of prisoner
who had been convicted dozen
times OF stealing, who, when placed
at the bar for his latest offense, dis
played singular curiosity.
"'Your honor" said he, II should
like to have my case postponed fol
q week. My lawyer Is sick"
"But," the magistrate said, you
we're caught with your hand in this
gentleman's pocket. What can your
counsel say in defense?"
Exactly 50, your honor; that Is
what I am curious to know."-Green
Bag.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1912-10-17
jules Lumbard.


Cedar Rapids Gazette: Hundreds OF
thousands Of Americans will most
kindly remember the late Jules Lum.
bard, the aged singer, whose death
occurred yesterday. Hubbard was
one OF the most picturesque figures
and characters that linked the days
Of the civil war period with the
twentieth century. Hubbard was one
iof the nations great patriots. HIS
voice was big factor in the preserva-
ton OF the union. 1t Is said that his
singing Of "The Battle Cry Of Free
dom" lured twenty thousand men into
the union army. For several decades
after the war, Lumbard was as popu.
lar as ever as singer. It Is not 50
many years ago that he was frequent
visitor at great conventions in various
cities. Literally hundreds OF thou.
sands OF Americans have heard him
sing, and have applauded the genuine
music that came from his throat. Few
men could sing as did Jules Hubbard.
The nation had few patriots as worthy
Of the admiration Of the American
people.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1912-04-22

Yashington. Pa yesterday Waiting
friends.
A fine banquet was served By the
IN honor OF the new members OF the
class
The High school base ball team will
bold regular practice every afternoon Of
this week
Misses Elizabeth and Master Edward
Harris will leave to-day for Evansville.
o. where they will make their future
home.
The Socialist Club, OF this city, held
an Important meeting In the Shrevs
nearly Ali the members ~.rs rrs.e,s
Attorney Lenuel Brokaw. OF East
Liverpool spent Sunday with local
The y High Club will have an Infor-
NAL opening OF their new quarters in the
Herzberg building on Friday evening.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1912-04-22
New Tonic, Iona Vita, Win
Positively Restore Your
Old Vitality.

Nervousness. depression OF spirits.
lack OF energy. all run down. these
are the chief symptoms OF nervous
debility. the modern affiiction caused
largely by the rush. hustle. and worry
OF modern life.
II you are a sufferer from this all
too-common complaint, and cannot
go to high priced sanitarium TO have
rest and diet build you up. you should
read carefully the following state
ment by c. N. Hunt. Esq. OF so2
Sixth street.. Milwaukee. Wis. con-
corning the remarkable new tonic
~Tona Vita that has made such a
great record during the past year. Mr.
Hunt says: For a number OF years
my wife has been a sufferer from a
continuous run down. nervous condi-
ton and stomach trouble. I took her
to number OF doctors. but none
seemed to give her any relief. She
grew constantly worse and her entire
system became affected.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1912-04-22

Mrs. Or. Cam. OF Jacksonville, o.. is
visiting local relatives.
Dow Johnson han returned from a
business trip TO Columbus
rank Henderson has returned from
Atlantic city. whore he spent two weeks
The local High school team had an
easy time At St Clairsvilie Saturday and
won ~ the one sided score or Fl to l.
The revival services which have been
~ session for the past week at the West
bridgeport NJ. =. church. will be con-
tinued this week
Harry Grimes Of Cadiz. o., spent sun
day with local friends.
Mrs Ross Alexander has gone 20 Kan
sas city, 10 visit her daughters for sew
crsl weeks
To-day - divorce day az 81. CIairsviIis
and six cases viii be brought up
Mrs Frank Daniels and daughter Mfss
relatives ''7''
The Belmont Trades Assembly held n
resular meeting here yesterday and rou-
tlne business was transacted.
The Boys Mission ~ the Eirkuood
Presbyterian church held en- Important
business meeting yesterday Afternoon
MIs W. a. Cooper. who has been In
me North Wheeling hospital FOR the pasf
few weeks, was brought 20 her home On
saturday. but - stili under the cnre 81
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1912-04-22
DON'T BIZ NERVOUS AND RUNDOWN

She could hardly eat anything ana
would say the very though OF eating
made her sick She caught one bad
cold after another and was always
tired and ianguid- She had bad head
aches and attacks OF dizziness.
Il got some Tona Vita a few month";
ago. My wife began taking the tonic
that night and we were pleasantly
surprised to notice an improvement
after the second day. She n now like
a different woman. The nervousness
and depression are all gone. and she
eats and sleeps better than she has
for years. II seems wonderful to
note such a change In her. I believe
iona Vita" is worth its weight In
gold"
II you are debiiiated and run
down. above all things try "Tona
Vita" You will never regret II, as
Il will build you mp like magic. IL
is the finest preparation now on the
market
Chas. r. Goethe Co., 81 Twelfth
street. has the agency for the great
medicine In Wheeling. The price will
be returned II II doesn't meet with
your entire approval. The Approved
Formula Co.. Dayton. o.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1912-04-22
District.

Efforts OF the county committee,
which is composed OF Roosevelt sup
porters. attempted to use steamroller
tactics in declaring the county the
unit. but the State committee has de-
cided against this ruling. Each will
be given the respective number OF del
egates secured. Following IS the total
vote Of the districts:
Liberty District-Tsft. %: Roose-
welt. 81.
Meade District-Taft. II; Roosevelt.
so.
Clay District-Taft. 81; Roosevelt,
81.
Cameron District-Taft. 129; Roose-
welt 1874
Franklin District--Taft. s: Roose-
velt IS.
Webster District-Taft 10: Roose-
welt. 20
Washington District-Tat. 25i:
Roosevelt. 3s4.
Union District-Tafi, 242: Roose-
welt. 1875.
Grand Total-Taft. 752; Roosevelt.
$50.
Rooseveits plurality. 2sL.