davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-11-27
cause For ThnnkEgivinr.

Because since last Thanksgiving you
have enabled US to make an increase
in business. at all three of our stores,
that almost approaches the phenomenal
We are also thankful because our
store in the Mills Building gives the
public a fountain service that IS not
surpassed anywhere. Because we an
ticipated your Christmas wants and al
ready have a stock Of Holiday goods
that gives the widest possible range
for satisfactory selection.
In fact. we are thankful in the fullest
sense of the word, and extend you
Thanksgiving Greetings and wish you
many happy returns Of the day.
Scott White & Co, Mills Building.
Scott White & Co, 204 Mills st.
Scott White & Co, near Union Depot.
Order a brick frozen Nesselrode Pud-
ding for Thanksgiving dinner. Elite
Confectionery.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-11-27

Put in your ice cream order early or
THANKSGIVING Elite Confectionery.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-11-27

California red berries. viOlets. chry-
santhemums, roses and carnations az
KOlle's, $40 Mesa.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-11-27

Thanksgiving dinner at the Zeiger
for s1OO.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-11-27

Get your flowers for Thanksgiving
at kOIIe's, 80 Mesa.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-11-27

Mrs. K. D. Franklin will entertain
on next Wednesday complimentary TO
the Wednesday Bridge club, of which
she is a member. The regular meeting
for that day viii be postponed.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06

SignOr Casanova says tha.
American women are b0ld. ~
they weren't they would never
take a chance on m Italian count.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06

Mr.. A. & Barrow has just re-
turned from New Orleans where
he, m 4 director, attended a mum
her Of meetings Of the Board of
Directors Of the Southwestern
Traction 4 Power Go. These
meetings were held for the pur.
pose rf determining many Of the
details and shaping. preliminar'es
for The Inauguration Of active con-
struction work in this field.
At the meeting held on Tues
day Mr.. +. W. Crosby rendered
his resignation as president Of the
company, 40 we are informed, IN
nrOer to assume the duties Of the
position Of General Manager.
Mr.. Lawrence Blum. the former
vice president, was elected to fill
the vacancy cansed hy the retire,
nent Of Mr.. Crosby from the pres
idency.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06
TO DEVELOP The TECHE
Traction Directors Order
Work Done.
Immediate Investment in
Construction May BE
$500, 900.
Completed System Involves
Outlay Exceeding S2, 500, :
600 and May Go Higher.

Full authority to carry to com
pletinn the plans Of the South
western Traction and Power Com
pany in the building Of the power
houses. traction lines, etc, in III.
I!nyou Tcchc country, from Lafay
cite to Berwick Bay, was gwen At
i meeting Of the directorate held
here yesterday. + W. Crosby,
president Of the company. was in
struc,cd 10 proceed, aud orders
for varlons kinds Of materials and
equipment we've given.
Mr.. Crosby arrived from New
Iberia last night and is ~ the
G1uncwald Hotel. lie said that
the Immediate investment III con.
str,,ctinn work would he brt wecn
4.5O, 900 and $500, 200. and that
the G,at link Of the systers> to be
com mple,eG would be the line from
New Iberia to JcAncrettc, upon
which the preliminary work was
begun aLont three weeks ago.
When il IN completed the invest
nent will aggregate upwards oi
~, 800 900, all the capnal for
which has been guaranteed by
and through New Orleans. There
will hr tw" large light and power
plants and the line will thread the
borders Of the Tcchc for upwards
nf forty miles, traverslng what he
said to hc the most thlckly pOpu.
lated rural section in the United
States.
MIR. Crosby was enthusiastic
owe: the prospects for the develop
ment of the hydroet ct1ic prop"
sitiop Of John Caldwell Calhoun
aud associates of New York and
Paris. lie said that he had re-
reivcd assurances from the eng'
nccrs that the proposition is al
most sure Of u favorable report hy
the experts. If this is given the in
vcstment will he ~ least |2O, OOO.
900 and the benefit to Louisiana
jnrs,imable Mr. Crosby was Of
the opinion that h,s own traction
company would be u big factor in
popuIating the Teche country and
other parts in which 1t might b''
operated.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06
ECZEMA SUFFERERS HERE Is
GOOD NEWS.

INSTANT RELIEF FOR Is CENTS
Just to prove the true worth OF
ZEMO and ZEMO SOAP the makers
have put on the market trial
package for 25c that is truly y
hblcssingI to those suffering from
eczema, Or any other<skin or scalp
sists Of a generous. Bottle Of ZEMo,
a sample cake Of zEMO SOAP and
q 80 page booklet, "How to Pre-
cd for "only'I 25c. The nation
wide popularity OF ZEMO, the high
regard In which it is held by the
profession and the thousands up
on thousands Of cases it has
promptly and permanently cured
once and get this new trial package
at Csc. ,,
No, I.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06
SHELLS FOR BALLAST.

The continuous rains Of the
past few weeks has been very try.
ing on all new railroad grade
work, making II very soft and un
reliable. The Iberia, st Mary Il
Eastern road has experienced
great difficulty IN holding its ne y
rart,wOrk construction in shape
In cons, Iuencc, the Chief Eng'-
ncer, Mt. !. W. Ttoxel. placed
contract this week foI Sc, 900 Gu
blc yards Of shells to be used for
ballasting the new road between
CharentOn aud this city.
Imagine u bank o. sne..s Is feet
wide, 10 feet nigh bet tween per
ptndicular walls. and 1000 feet
long. This IL what this order for
shells would look like, If all deli
vcrcd at once. These shells will
be brought from the lakes and
possibly from the bays.
Mr.. CIy dc Barbour has been
awarded the contract and will un
drrtake the delivery of these
shells ut CharcntOn. The railroad
will receive them at that pOin,
and will distribute them along the
l!ne where and when needed.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06
BET $500 SANDERS
WON'T CARRY
ST. MARY
Washington Coroner and
Ibcrlan Wager on Sanders
Rroussard Controversy,

Dr. J NJ Brock, .Iont oi
Washington parish. and Mr. Rob
or. Pu,out, Of Iberia parish, Ned
ncsday, land u wager of $50, on
The United states senatorial
struggle in which congressman A.
+ Pnj" and Il T. B."ussard and
Governor Sanders arc contestant,
MIR ra,out bet that i,vcr,.or
Sanders will not get the best II =
in his home parish II. ..Ia~y.
The money was deposited A. the
Cosmopolitan hotel AT noon Wed
nrsday. The bet grew oG of Il
political discussion Tursda, ngI
when he relative strength If san
ders md l,ronssard | The or
mcrs parish was discussed.
A forfeit Of 800 was mt = by
each man, with the understanding
the $500 would be made good 10y
noon Wednesday. Mr. >atont
came forward at 10 A. o. VIII u
$500 bill, and before noon Dr
Rrork produced his 500, but q y
cl'ncd to lIsk any more money on
u similar basis. MIR PatOut be
that troussard will OntI.nn the
governor IN st Nj. v.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06


there are not any good American
actors any more, but then MAI
hasn't visited Congress recently.
This failure TO include the vete.
ran of HE Mexican manenveTs IN
that dollar a.day pension Dill
looks like the proverbial ingrati.
tude Of republics.
While that ~. 200. 600 worth OI
molasses was cooking in q fre ~
Boston IT'S pity somebody didnt
think 10 throw IN a few tons OF
peanuts.
It il long time until Christnss
if you happen TO be very yoen1;l
II. f. MILLARD, The -
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06
NlSO.00
%

Xis0O.n0 gone foo yer.
This amount would buy home
in less time If paid to tlsE
Iberia Building ASS II.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06

ARE YOU TIRED PAYING RENT?
$50 90 a month
T. m llths
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06

For Job Printing 90 to Millards.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06

Due to the fact that much Of
the cane crop Of 1911 il still IN
the fields, that weather conditions
are adding much to the rmbar
rassment Of the farmers iD saving
this balance of their crops, and
the further fact that the country
roads are in very bad condition.
The Judge announced that this
term of court would he suspended
till the 4th Of March.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06
MOSS CLUB SAUCE
Now Is Cents. Buy bottle.

That New York mOtOrman VIII"
asked Col Roosevelt il he didn't
..know anything" must have felt
\ xfully mortified when he found
ont that lie was talking to the
only living nan that knows every
thing.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06
DISTRICT COURT.

On Wednesday afternoon Judge
Jas. Simon arrived on So. Pa
tain No. 8, from 1t. Martinvil'e,
the public roads being impractica-
BILE ~ cOnseq qnence Of the protract
ed rains, and At two O'Clock open
cd the January Criminal Term OF
the District Court for this parish.
After the usual fo,malitles upon
opening a session Of the court,
the Grand Jury was drawn for
the following six months and in
vested with the authority OF en-
tering upon the discharge Of their
duties. The result Of the drawing
IL as follows:
Ward
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06
Arizona having had a demo
cratic landslide il hereby annexed
to the sure column for 1912.

The Republican National Con,
vention il to he held in Chicago.
the town ~ which Mr.. Taft re.
Gently had an attack Of blues.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06

The statesman who keeps his
ear TO The ground hears the dope
usually handed out to cavesdrop-
pers.
The weekly Iberian. (New Iberia, La.) 1894-1946, 1912-01-06

8 or 6 doses "GB6" Will cure any
case OF Chi..s and Fever. Price, 25c.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-06-23

l
fight according to the rules of the curious human
nature of the audience.
Capitalizing Laughter
THE captalizing of the audiences laughter have
set down in the following statistics ranged in the
order of their value An audience will laugh loudest at
these episodes:
D When man sticks two fingers into another mans
(2) When man sticks one finger into another mans
81 When man chokes another and shakes his
head from side to side
az When man kicks another
90 When man bumps up suddenly against another
and knocks him off his feet.
(6) When man steps another mans foot.
Human nature-as have anayze it, with results
that will be told you by the cashier bank-will
laugh louder and otener at these spectaces, in the
respective order have chronicled them, than at any
thing else one might name Human nature here, as
before that the object of the atacksthe other
man-be not really hurt.
Now let tell you how arrived at our conclusions.
The eye is the most delicate part of the body If man,
therefore, poes his two forengers into the eyes of
other 1vho hurting them, then human nature will
make you with mrth: not at the sight of the
pong of the fingers into the other mans eyes las you
who have do this trick night in and night out
have magned but because get all the sensations
of such dangerous act without there being any actual
pain involved in the of the you watching
You laugh because human nature tells you to. You
laugh because the who had the fingers stuck into
his eyes might have been hurt badly, but wasn't
The greatest laughter, the greatest comedy is divided
by hair from the greatest tragedy. Always remember
that! AS the chance of PAIN the proportion of physical
misery, the proportion of tragedy becomes diminished
see the other items in the table, does the proportion
of laughter become less and less We have often tried to
figure way do something to the Others kneecap,
second in delcacy only to the eye,-but the danger
involved is great Once let figure out the trick,
however, and shall have capitalized another item
that may be listed high in table.
Take human nature at large 1t laughs when a
waiter spills hot soup down customers neck, because
it realizes that the customer might have been burned
badly but wasn't because his collar and coat were in the
way 1t got the sensation and yet the customer yasnt
hurt That's the point That his clothes ruined
makes it all the nnier for clothes haven't nerves and
are not sensible of feeling Human nature laughs even
when the man is burned provided only he isn't burned
very much.
That is always the way. 1t always holds true of any
other calamity physical, financial or otherwise; pro-
vded it isn't serious man drops dime on the side,
walk and it rolls down curb sewer, everybody around
will laugh If he drops tendollar gold piece and it
rolls down a curb sewer everybody around will feel
sorry If however, in the of the eyes and the
kneecap the man drops his ten-dollar gold piece and
makes after rantcally it rolls toward the sewer
while the onlookers and the ism u that
Continued page IL
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-06-23

DACK in 1877, in the first days of our part
ID nership as servants of the public in the
shape of German comedians, we worked
about twelve hours a day in the little variety
houses, and made just about enough money
between us to buy one square meal day
except Sundays. In those years our Sunday
meal bought out of what had mutually
saved during the week) consisted of a Swiss
cheese sandwich with lots of mustard One
Sunday one of us would get the cheese part of
the sandwich while the other got the bread, and
vice versa on the next Sunday. In those days.
when we were doing SO many vaudeville turns
each day that we reminded ourselves of a
merry-go-round at a summer resort where
children carry the election, we had one suit of
clothes apiece, one vest between us, and half
dozen socialistic handkerchief that belonged to
the partnership; to say nothing of one white
necktie that one of us wore one Sunday and the
other wore when it came out of the laundry
the return trip. Otherwise, it was green necktie
for one of us the year round and purple necktie
for the other of us the year round. incidentally,
we were mighty glad we had necktie apiece
in those days
That was before we put our heads together
and decided why we were not getting along,
why we were working hard and making nothing,
why we were dead broke. The moment we
figured out where gold mine reposed for us,
we got busy, and one year after we set our plan
in motion to make that gold mine give up some
of its stuffing to us-well, the gold mine did!
And each successive year the money came in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-06-23

faster and thicker and each year star of
odd part of it is that every public entertainer actor
playwright, what notcan find the way into the
mouth of the theatrical gold mine by following the path
tertaner who has done what have done has been
quite as lucky. What, then, you ask, did we do to
change our fortunes? What was it that brought us
we decide upon?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-06-23
Decide to Capitalize Human Nature

WE decided to capitalize the human nature of the
w public at least of that part of the public that
went to make up theae- audiences and here is how
did it. The best proof that not merely indulgng
in "bright,' space-filling theory lies in you,
person who has work And after you have
read what have to say you will admit that what
cess have had theatrical entertainers has been due
to ability to analyze your nature
Before showing you the side of the picture it is
necessary for us to show you what we were doing
vainy, hopelessly-before we hit our great money
making recipe In the early days OF appearances IN
music halls, presented what might be called side
walk comedian sapstick act You know what that is,
lot of jokes strung together with periodic inter-
ruptons of the sapstick kind of business. 1t made
the audience laugh, too; but it never made that audi
back to the next night next week or
next month. Consequently, while such comedian act
gave meager momentary living, it never helped
one single step ahead the road to popularity and
the financial reward and comforts that popularity
brings.
And in this fact any number of vaudeville chap
tiers of today An audience will laugh at such an
act-jokes, dialect sapstic ct eetera,but it will not
laugh twice. And the form of comedy that cannot
make audience laugh twice, cannot make audience
want to listen it and it second time, worth
nothing to its exploiters than hand-tomouth
living 1t took sometime to learn this and to figure
out where we were wrong And when did figure it
out, figured it out concretely. We didn't theorize
abstractly
In those DAYS we were sapstick comedians. No one
may rightly call that today. Slapstick humor is
hurnor without "plot7 in other words. without
son, without motive And the minute changed our
tactics that minute did resolve that human nature
such that it would long for any form of
humor that merely the Sidewalk comedian brand
Hard on Human Nature
TO get into the concrete statistics analysed and
capitalized human nature in and on the following
terms
In the first place. human nature is such that it will
laugh loudest the misery, pain and troubles of the
other man. provided the latter not of serious
too hurtful sort. This may seem mean,-anything you
may call but it is As of the critics
has apty expressed it. This is the greatest joke the
Creator ever saw fit to play us, His children He
fashioned hearts that they would weep the be-
holding hearing of suffering, and minds plus
eyes plus stomachs plus ears-four to one-so
that they would in fine glee at the very
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1912-10-01

him getting off the train.
Additional rioting broke out
when mill owners attempted re-
prisals for the trouble of yester-
day, At Arlington mill so oper-
atives were dubbed insensible
after the gates had been shut on
them when they were going to
work.
When 200 employees in the sec
ton known as mill %" appear
ed for work this morning they.
were told that because they had
broken windows they could not
have their jobs back. The crowd
rushed for the entrance, but the
gates were shut in their faces.
CHARGES FORGERY
Golfers Weekly, out today,
charges that certain of the fac
smile Standard OiP' letters pub
lished in Hearst's Magazine are
forgeries.
The accusation was based on
the claim that five letters are
written on a typewriting machine
of which the first instrument did
not reach the market until fhe
middle of 1905" All of the letters
were dated before 1905.
These are letters over which
William q Randolph Hearst has
been blowing and threatening to
disclose an understanding be-
tween Standard Oil and Theodore
Roosevelt and several other gov
ernment officials.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1912-10-01

NA4NG44N0 y - - - N-@0h@S4N
Goshen, N. Y, Oct. Burton
w. Gibson was held to the grand
jury without bail for the murder
of Mrs. Rosa Menschik Szabo
this afternoon.
DR.. Schultze, at the preliminary
hearing, swore that Mrs. Szabo
had come to her death by strang-
ling. The cross examination of
the defense could not shake him
in this.
The defense announced that it
had nothing to offer after his tes-
timony was in. Judge Royce then
ordered Gibson held without bail.
-oZO-
Of the 1924 known dialects in
the world, over one-fourth are
Asiatic.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1912-10-01

Bricks were thrown and the mill
officials telephoned the police.
Two automobiles loaded with po-
licemen responded.
Charging, the policemen pen
ned the mob in blind" alley.
There was no, retreat for the
workmen, and the policemen wad-
ed into them with swinging clubs.
In three minutes the street was
covered with the bodies of fallen
operatives. No attempt was
made at arrests.
Throughout the mill district
hundreds were discharged when
they appeared for work this
morning because of yesterdays
outbreaks. 1t is feared a general
strike will result. The arrival of
Haywood has intensified the Bit
terness. The workers are ready
to walk out if he orders a strike.
The Washington times., 1912-03-16

the beach" that they could hear the
surf, not a laundering sound. but q
soft, ripping wash of the slight
waves. The water about them was
ruddy with thick sediment. Prof.
Pludder did not dare to venture
farther in the coming darkness, and
he dropped overheard two of the
aeros grapples, which he had heavily
weighted and attached to wire cables.
They took the ground at depth of
only ten feet. There was no wind
end no perceptible current, and so
they rode all night at anchor off this
strangest of coasts.
At daybreak they lifted their an
chorS and went in search of the de-
pressions of which the professor had
spoken. So accurate was his topo-
graphic knowledge and so great his
skill that late in the afternoon they
saw tall chimney projecting above
the water little ahead.
That's all that remains of Pueblo,
said Prof Pludder.
They anchored again that night, and
the next day, cautiously approaching
a bluff that arose precipitously from
The water, their hearts were gladden.
ed by the sight of three men stand
ing on the bluff, excitedly beckoning
to them and shouting at the top of
their voices.
The Washington times., 1912-03-16
Synopsis of chapters Already published


Cosmo verssl has made the. discovery
that the world is on the eve OF a second
deluge. He placards New York with
posters, calling all to prepare for the
coming flood. For his own safety he be,
gins the building Of an enormous ARK ana
flashed about the world that the waters
are actually beginning to rise.
Suddenly. in midday, the world grew
dark and people became terror-strtcken.
The rain descended from an Invisible
source and tho waters rose. Literally, the
placed electric wires and when the mad,
dened populace, now terrified beyond
measure, attempted to storm the ARK
hundreds were instantly killed. The wa
ters are now rising 10 feet an hour.
Finally the city of New York Is all sub
merged but the hugo city Hall, which Is
nearly all under water when the last OF
the Government battleShips breaks away
from the Brooklyn Navy yard and Is car
ried over against the city Hall. smashing
sinking TO the bottom. From this wreck
small boat ariseS and in this boat comes
Amos Blank, the richest man In the
world, alon ngside the ark. Blank has lost
his mind, but he offers billion dollars
in securities and waves the packet over
his head, IL Cosino will take him abroad.
He is taken in and then the ark is started
toward the East, where, II has been fig
ured is the worlds highest land, and
which will be the first landing place when
the waters recede. Suddenly those aboard
see the stars overhead and know it has
stopped raining.
Professor Pludder escapes with President
samson and his family I'm an arship and
are cast violently on mountain peak.
Pludder makes a raft from the wreck of
the airship and they set out, using the
airship,s engine as motive power, for the
Colorado plateau