davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
HARD TO CONVINCE FRESHMAN
Handsome Paintings Of Apostles Led
Man to Believe He Was in the
Right Church.

An Irishman walked up Fifth ave-
nue., dropped into a Presbyterian
church and Immediately went TO
sleep. After the services were over
the sexton came and shook him by
the arm.
1--WE are about to close up" said
the functionary, land I'll have to ask
you to go now"
what talk have your" said the
1rishman. THE cathedral never
closes"
This is not the cathedral" said the
sexton. THE cathedral is several
blocks above here. This is Presby.
terian church"
The Irishman sat up with a jerk
and looked about him. On the walls
between the windows were handsome
paintings of the apostles.
Amt that st. Luke over yonder?"
he demanded.
at is" said the sexton.
And st. Mark just beyant him?"
Eyes"
And, still further along, st. Tim
othy?"
YES"
Young man." demanded the Irish
man. since whin did all them blissed
saints turn ?"-Saturday
Evening Post.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
ALFALFA PLANT
In POULTRY RUN
Furnishes Excellent Green Feed
for Chickens-Soon KtIIs
Out II IL Is Over.
PaStured.

Alfalfa is one Of the best plants to
furnish green food for chickens, but
ordinarily 1t soon kills out If over
pastured.
Alfalfa crowns that have been cut
off and ploughed under and that have
taken root again are much harder to
Kill out, as many have found by re-
peatedly grubbing out the same stool
that has taken root the second time,
writes Philo X. Blinn, alfalfa special
ist of the Colorado Experiment Sta
ton. Such crowns seem TO put out
shoots from eacn piece of root that is
left In the ground If the soil is in
favorable condition.
Those who desire to establish al
falfa in their poultry yards can sue
coed in this way by ploughing or
spading under alfalfa crowns that
have been freshly ploughed out from
some field near by. Early in the
spring is the best time, while the
crowns are sim dormant.
The crowns should be covered from
four to six inches deep and the soil
wet down and kept moist and the
chickens kept of until the crowns
have become established which will
be much sooner than alfalfa from
seed and will stand much harder
pasture
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
PAS ADVICE ON LITERATURE
ohieotsd TO Small Boys Trashy Story
While He Read Of Training Trip
Of Ball Players.

ooh pa, this is a great story. Gee,
II keeps cold shivers goin' up and
down nv back all the time"
say. you go to bed and put that
story away"
let me stay up till just finish this
chapter"
well, you see that you go to bed
when YOU get that chapter finished"
"All right"
And stop wiggling around in your
chair"
q can't help it. It's so excitin'."
Say. what is that you're reading.
anyhow
BILLY, the Boy Detective, or the
Clev in the Calcimine.'
"Confound you, l gave you orders
never TO read any more of that kind
Of trash. II you want to read, read
something that's worth while. Now
go TO bed and don't bother me any
more. ! want to read about what our
team is doing down at the spring
training camp"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
PREPARATION OF FIELD FOR
BETS OF MUCH CONSEQUENCE
Il Important That Sugar Plant Should Proper
Size and Shape, but Also Grown in Such Manner
Secure Protection O
Except Neck a Foliage.

rows show across the fleld--sooner
than this should the weeds show Ia
advance of the beets The best time
TO kill weeds is before they have fairly
started; the work can be done at this
stage Of growth for the least expense,
and also keeps the soil loose and fine
to hasten the growth of the crop early
in the season.
During the growing season beets
should be cultivated once In seven TO
ten days, leaving the soil practically
level with the last cultivation. When
the leaves cover the ground cultivs.
tion should stop. When the beets
show the fourth leaf they should be
thinned to one plant in n place and
about eight inches apart IN the row;
selecting, so far as possible, the best
plants. The rows should be as close
together as will permit Of horse cult
vation; some OF the experts say that
the rows should be eighteen inches
apart
Some farmers may doubt the neces-
slty of thinning TO one plant in u
place. Don't make any mistake at the
outset; the sugar beet is a trifie par
ticular on some points, and the manu-
facturers are sometimes more exacting
than the beet. Right here has been
one OF the main collision points be-
tween manufacturers and farmers
sugar content of the beet and the
method of paying for the same
II is important not only that a sugar
beet should be of a proper size and
shape, but also that It be grown in
such a manner as 10 secure the pro-
lection Of the soil for all its parts eX.
cept the neck and foliage. The prop
er position for a beet to occupy in the
soil at the end of growth is one which
| necessitates careful management.
This position can only be secured for
the beet by growing it in a soil suffi,
ciently pervious to permit of the pene.
tration of the tap root to a great
depth. 1t is for this reason that sub.
! soiling In the preparation of a field
for the growth of sugar beets is OF
such great Importance. If the beet
in its growth, should meet a prac
tically impervious soil at the depth
Of eight or ten inches, the tap root
will be detected from its natural
course, lateral roots will develop, the
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09

symmetrical, about thirteen inches in
length, practically free from side roots
and weighing from one TO two pounds,
An eastern dealer said. with reference
to the size OF beets: 1--WE would not
refuse a three-pound beet, but two
pounds is the best paying size for the
farmer to raise; this weight can be
obtained by proper cultivation"
In all cases be sure to use seed
enough. This varies greatly by differ
ent authorities, some giving fifteen
pounds per acre as the right quantity,
others twelve pounds, and still others
claim that eight pounds per acre of
good seed is sufficient
1t is always desirable in a field of
sugar beets to have a uniform stand !;
If every row upon field of 500 acres
has a solid stand Of plants, the farm
er can thin to definite and uniform
spaces. With pedigree seed. g.,
seed grown by reputable persons of
long experience-the vitality tested in
advance, the ground and weather in
prime condition, the question Of seed
ing can be conducted or a closer basis
than where some of these factors are
not we'll settled. With few years of
experience in growing beets farmers
cannot only closely regulate the
amount of seed per acre, but every
detail in connection with the growing
from the first furrow till the crop is
delivered at the factory.
Start the cultivator as soon as the
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09

while ! am convinced that your
affection is lasting, Horace" says the
fair creature, still you are not very
enthusiastic. Now, Mr.. Dashem, who
is engaged to Lucille, is always saying
the most extravagant things to her.
such as telling her she is a perfect
angel, and
While that may be pleasing to Luz
cille," says Horace. solemnly, at is
a statement that apparently was not
made upon proper elaboration. An
angel is supposed to be an ethereal
creature-not a material one at ali.
Against this we have the fact that the
ordinary human body contains iron
enough to make q ten-pennynail,
sugar enough to fill two cups, salt
enough to fill the ordinary shaker, as
much phosphorus as would tip over
two thousand matches"-
"Horace!" she interrupted. 81 think
that Isl
zone ounce of magnesia," he con-
tinued, totting it off on his fingers,
"a tablespoonful of sodium, a grain Of
potassium, which is a dangerous ex-
plosive, a quarter OF a pound OF sui
phur, and enough fat to make eight
pounds OF soap, and"-
But he was alone, with the ring on
the floor at his feet
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
CBy r. II. M'DOwELL)

As a general rule, any soil that Will
produce good crop OF wheat, oats or
potatoes will produce good sugar
beets. A heavy clay soil is one of the
most unsatisfactory FOR the culture Of
beets.
1t will pay well in growing beets-
any farm crop in fact-to have the
soil at seeding time well pulverized;
in such a soil the seed terminates
more evenly and the young plants are
pushed more rapidly TO maturity. TAX
ing it for granted that the land was
plowed in the fall or winter. a seed
bed from il to 16 inches In depth
should be prepared. The soil should
be well loosened, as this permits the
beet to grow down without obstruction
for thirteen inches or more; when the
beet at seven to nine inches finds a
compact soil the tendency is to fork
and grow large side roots; the latter
will carry sand into the slicer, and the
rough beet has less per cent of
sugar than one of symmetrical shape.
The model beet called for by ex-
perts is usually described as being
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Charcoal for Fowls.

Charcoal is not food for fowls. II
IS simply an absorber Of impure gases
ths might generate in the crop or giz-
card Of the bird, Charcoal is a puri-
fer, not food, and many mako the
mistake Of giving charcoal to the birds
with their food. Have it pounded rath-
er fine, about the size of peas. and
keep Il in a clean box near the. feed
trough, and when the fowls fee the
need OF it they will consume a. that
h necessary for their use.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Inc ChIId,s Confidence.

Whether 1t is the mother or the Ia
Their who takes especial charge OF tho
boy, or both, they should aim stead
tasty to have his complete confidence
elwgys lie should be made to foel
that they are not only dearer to him
bet nearer to him than any one else
in the world If a condition OF i-n-
plicit confidence can be established
you can depend upon him to be re
ceptive. Then, with truth as his an
Choir, no storm Of the outer world can
sweep him beyond the influence at
home. The bulwark Of the good char
acter that you have builded will stand
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Merely an Idle Threat.

Then" he cried, tragically. 'then
YOU reject me? And for my hated
rival?"
Yep" she answered, coldly, but col
loouially. yep to both questions"
"Ha! Then l owe the fellow a
rrudge. have long owed him $40.
And now will pay both debts at once
and he will fall dead!"
Lighting his cigarette at the hall
gas Jet, he departed with a hooking
laugh. But the beautiful girl was not
alarmed. She knew he could never
carry out his devilish scheme. For
she knew that he never had $40 at
cree in his whole life.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Limited Ambition.

Upon the occasion of his first visit
to parishioner a certain Boston divine
tried hard to make friends with his
hosts eight year old.
How old are you. my SOM" asked
the clergyman, benignantly.
Eight" was the laconic response.
"Ah. quite little man" came pat
ronizingly from the minister. And
what are you going to be?" he added,
after a slight pause.
Il am going to be nine" said the
child, with conviction-Harper's Mag
azine.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09


Illinois"
When David whipped the Philistines he
wrote a song about it,
He'd won a mighty victory, there was no
chance TO doubt Il,
And-memory may serve US wrong-the
words that David wrote
Were most expressive ones; they were: IT
got Goliath's goatr
When Cyrus conquered Babylon. he wired
the Modes and Persians
A brief account which told OF his bellig-
erent diversions.
He gave this message to the operator
with a wink:
1--WE slammed in here last night and put
Belshazzar on the blink"
Napoleon, when the sun of Austerlitz
shone on his glory,
Dictated TO his clerk note which gave
TO France the story.
1t dignihedly told how he had put his
foes to wreck
And mentioned that "They met us here
and got II in the neck"
When Julius Caesar conquered Gasl,
some person rather preachy
Claimed that he sent to Rome the mes
sage: "Veni. vidi. vici."
The fact is Caesar, while his men were
throwing up their hats,
And cheering wildly. wrote the news:
I'VE kicked them in the Stats"
whren Perry on Lake Erie won that
thrilling naval battle,
A message was framed up for him, based
on some idle tattle.
What Perry wrote when things grew
calm and his boats found their docks
Was this; We've met the enemy and
have knocked off their blocks"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Down and Out.

What is the matter with your bus.
band? He seems all out of sorts?"
Yes, he had chance until yester-
day morning to be nominated for the
legislature"
What hapened?"
"One Of the papers printed a pic
ture of him that was taken when he
wore a long mustache with waxed
ends"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Aggressive.

The man takes Time by the fore
lock.
Just minute" he says. 81 notice
that you suffer from badness. Now.
here is a guaranteed remedy that will
grow hair in thirty days or money re-
funded"
Fifteen minutes later he pockets the
cash and allows Time to resume his
rounds.
Aggressiveness is one OF the funda-
mentals OF scientific salesmanship.
while another 10 making sales where
there Is a consumer demand.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
DANGEROUS for Restless peopIe.

BILL see a man in Iowa has pat
ented bedstead that holds mattress
on rollers and pivots.
Jill-lf a restless man should at
tempt 10 use one of these mattresses
he should either tie himself to some
thing in the room or nail down all the
windows
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Ready for Business.

Are the pink curtains up in the
booths?"
Yes, sir"
Blue ribbons on the stencilsT
"Yes, sir"
Perfume on the ballots?"
Eyes, sir"
Tea fixings ready to serve"
Eyes, sir"
Then the polls are now OPEN
Satire.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09

Captain, how often have you cross
ed the ocean,"
Seven hundred and ,eighty-one
times"
Mercy! should think you would
forget to keep count"
mo, no Some silly person makes
it necessary for me to recall the num-
Der on every voyage"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Labor Saver.

Mr.. Meddergrass-I see where they
have invented a health food that you
don't have to digest at all.
Mrs. Meddergrass-Yes, an like as
not, tn next one o. these inventors
that comes along will get up a food
that you don't have TO eat, but you'll
hove to buy II Just the same.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
He Knew.

You'd better fumigate these bills
before you go home. They may be
covered with microbes" said a Wal
than druggist one Saturday evening
as he landed few faded. worn and
soiled silver certificates to his clerk.
mo danger from that source" re-
sponded the latter. "a microbe couldn's
live on a drug clerks salary"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
His Friendship.

He-I know how this catastrophe
has crippled you, and as one of your
oldest friends ] should like to help
you. l will buy your furniture for 800
francs.
She-You're very kind, but l have
just sold II for 325 francs.
He-What? You allowed yourself
to be robbed like that?-Pele-Mele
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Respect for Ace.

Pedantic Old Gentleman Ito restaur.
ant waiter)-I believe it is improper
to speak unexpectedly of ones ell
ders?
Restaurant Waiter-So I've heard,
sir.
Pedantic Old Condemnation
you have just brought me.-London
Tit-Bits.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09

II was very much amused to see
DR.. Goodly having a serious discus
sion yesterday with a lady member Of
his flock"
What was so funny about that?"
They were standing In front OF a
billboard on which there was a far
fng Autograph of "a chorus girls kick
ing at the sky"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Knew His place.

Father, Alfred has something to
say to you tonight"
well, and what have you and your
mother decided l must tell him?"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Proud of Himself,

DO YOU know Dibbs?"
Quite we'll"
T., ne succeeded in finding his wife
." department store the other day
a., s"u no" he thinks he's a regular lit
lie Amundsen."
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Remember to Poraet.

Askit-And did your uncle rsmem-
Der you in his Will?
Tellit-Well, he remembered me all
hight, but that was why he didn't men
ton me IN the will.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
Music Was loo lively.

A serious accident happened in
one OF our cafes the other day"
Tell me about it,"
a guest who was trying to eat in
fagtime stabbed himself in the face
with his fork"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
A Careful Young Man.

you want to marry my daughter?"
I'm not certain, but I'd like an OPP
ton on her hand, sir."--Judge.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09
A New TRAINING,

,, mere is one thing aviators are go
'Ag 70 DO besides flying"
What's thet?"
cation" e.'' SNN
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09

Ieacher-One Of the principal parts
u sugar is essential in the composition
ol me human. body. What is it?
Scholar-Sand.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09

beet will become disfigured and dis
torted in shape, and the upper portion
of it will be pushed out of the ground.
Experience has shown that the content
of sugar in these portions of a beet
which are pushed above the soil is
very greatly diminished.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-05-09

v WENTY fourteen-inch guns. the
largest naval guns in the
world, are being constructed
at the Washington navy yard
for the New York and the
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-05

81 Colon. and about seventy-nve inches
mere at lHnana. II all tho water
mat falls al Colon in one year should
drop op the level and not aoyy away
II would make lake more then
twelve feet in depth. During the drv
season. which lasts from January 10
April there is almost no rain, and YOU
need no umbrella. unless you wish IL
lor the sun.
AS result OF this heavy rainfall, .
continued the governor. everything
sro"s luAuriantly. and some parts OF
me country arc covered with jungle
Others are grassy, like the savannas
outside of Ancon. Tho hills are all
wooded. and We have palm trees, BAN
bo"s' bananas and tropical plants OF
every description. Indeed, thi swhole
territory rs n botanical garden"
Lands of the Zone.
Are the lands good for tarning?"
Not Tor farming as we know 1t in
the states. They arc better lifted for
iruit raising. Some OF them might be
turned into sugar or rubber planta-
tons and mos: OF the land will pro
dice oranges. bananas. alligator pears
piantains. lemons. lines. pineapples
and all sorts OF tropical vegetables
we have here the yam. which is some
thing Ike tho sweet potato and grows
as long as ones arm. and the yucca
tuber which grows as large as ones
head, and tastes much like an Irish
potato. Upland rec has been grown
mere TO some extent. and both the
cocoanut and caco trees thrive"
Does not most Of the land belong
10 the natives?"
no" replied Governor Thatcher,
only small portion is owned by
'hem' The. greater part OF IL is tho
propertN II the United States govern
'ncnt. a ownership including the
land of tnc Panama Railroad Company
some of the land IS taken mp by the
canal. but other portions are wild
ana unused About $500 acres Of this
government land are now under lease,
and about $4,000 wear has heen
collected in rents. but the rents will
h" less from now on. as Gatun Lake
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-05

Iccm en-. ....syyrshayc about 300 policemen"
Army ,Eoth.smen have had military
experiencesrt-and the force is handled
somewhat along ,snilitary lines We
have nearly 900 policemen all told,
One hnlf of these are. white Americans.
and arc, chiefly ea-soidiers of the
United States Army. The other half
arc blacks who have served In tho
police and military forces of tue West
lndian Islands and have made good
records. there. AS result, our police
men are trained to obey. and they are
efficient in their work The black po-
licemen receive In pay almost three
times as much here as they received in
the British service. nd they are
pleased with their Jobs. They are
used chiefly In handling the black
population Of the zone. believe one
feature OF our police Service which
makes il more easy I preserve law
and order here is the respect which
the laborers have for the police. Our
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-05
BY FRANK G. CARPENTER.
Ancon, Canal Zone, Panama

Governor NJ ~ Th,tch.r 49,,
man who under m, nr..,,,.,,
and chairman ar IN. co,nm,,st,.,
the ruler or IN. l,ttlo nrinri,,,,j.,.
which Uncle sam owns on tho I.tL
mus OF Panama Iiis t,rr,,,rv ,s -.
Canal zone, mn. strio ~, ,.,,,,
ten miles Wild, AMI nbout nftv ,nn,,
long extend.n.. from on, sid. a. 49,,
Isthmus OF pnnyIun Ia IN. otb,, ISL,
strip Is winding and Il ,u,t, inql, nv,
niles ON each Sid. az our .r,.,, ,.,,n.,,
1t contains n,,nyotb.r ,,,, ,h,,,.. ~.
as much hind "a. phoh. Iy,,ua ,,r,
its nonul.t,n, go.
Nevada. whi,.h g.; ,n,r. ,n,n ,.,
times a. lave.
ms,
or al, 49,, - ',n A''"'N'
han -. ..' - ~
49,, =. e'"|''''"'i Po.'ul''"h'
o,ha -, 80 u' more W"rk 'n'n any
ono an, ~ DN" " a'u.,,S rom
80 " VIC v'"tr' anu H'iihSaS ~
'iIs h'e pe'hs shofeIe" into Il W
nc ""s forms OF i'HStfuStlon wH.ch
~, "o 'he rohi'i''~i cehai.
inc strip Is or" Of cities and towns.
~ ~ one OF railroads and shippias.
- Is social o'rir- u about 1000
hBh-ciasa !:gns, nat the Urea.
workshop where aoi:,cih ng like 6O.QUn
negroes and nulatiocs from this part
OF The world ara earning tho highest
wages they have ever mad. IN thei,.
lives. II Is country of post Offices
teiegraphs and schools. 1, has ,,s
criminal classes. and also it's churches
pre1cherg and Sundly-scbonl t.,cher,
1t has It's pubit. works ana 81. d.,
departments, it's courts ,.,J i.y ,-,son.
and. in short. almost all the msch,,c,v
Of anv NJ o,, seat, - -,
A Chat win thc ,:a,.n
L met the governor in his rca,,t,,,,
residence on th.e,iuuo of A,non ,,,,,
right under o,,r .r.., ,d,,i,,j.,r.. ~
building md f.,c,,,c - a'loh
tional institute which H. ,,,,,...
government ha. ,us, ro,.,rr,,aa ~. ln
building was erectcd under no IT.
ton of senator In. pi,rLh
was Governor rha,char,, r,ra,, ~. VINO
and II 4. one or ~ nIsas.,,, s sn'i.
of the isthmus. wtdc var.Sd,. n.,',
In wiz. kauzo IN k.o, ~, ~. ied
auitoes. run aroma a.. "a" mos