Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-12-07
AT the End Of the Rainbow.
RAISING THE PRICE.
BY WALT MASON.
By WALT MASON.

1--WE just laid in a fine line of hams
and bacon,'' said the grocer. IF I
thought there was any possibility of your
ever paying for it I'd urge you to try
sample. These goods all bear the United
States government inspection stamp. and
are warranted not to rip. ravel or run
down at the heel
IF they have been paved over by
United States government inspectors 1
don't want any Of your doggone hams or
bacon" replied the colonel. Il reckon
the price is high enough to scare a man
stiff The government sends lot Of
four-eyed inspectors to the packing
houses and they draw big wages and
the consumer pays them. The consumer
gets the cleaver coming and going IN
these days Of inspectors and sanitation
experts and such people. A ham costs
more nowadays than a whole hog with
litter of pigs used to cost when was
young. 1t takes days wages to buy
enough pork for breakfast, ana It's an
because of these inspectors and germ
hunters and microbe cranks. They have
made the cost of living so steep that
starvation is the only true economy.
They've been carrying on a campaign
in the magazines for several years, bluff
ing the people into the belief that the
things they have eaten all their lives are
deadly poison, and they have had laws
passed until grocer is In danger or go
ing to the penitentiary. after saying rare
anything out of a barrel, as his father
used to do. Everything must be done up
in germ-proof package or Inspected by
long-nosed galoot appointed by the gov
eminent. That's why things cost so
blamed much These germ-proof pack
ages and government inspectors are an
expensive luxury, and the consumer has
to foot the bills.
For several years l have been puy-
ing my milk of Sam Tinkum. who runs
the Riverbank dairy, and he always gave
me satisfaction. 1t is true that his milk
wasn't strong enough to give man the
govt and now and then I'd find fish In
it, but he always gave good measure.
He used to leave it on the front porch in
a tin can, and one morning when l went
out to get it the tin can wasn't there. He
had left a sealed bottle in its place, and
the bottle contained about a thimbleful
Of milk.
Il called him up by phone and asked
him what sort of Halloween gag he
was trying to work on me, and he said
some board of health sharps had been
lacking him up, and thereafter he would
have to seal his milk bottles to keep the
swaybacked germs out. Then 1 called up
the secretary Of the board of health and
asked him what sort of funny business
he was up to- and he was quite naughty,
saying that the public health must be
preserved at all costs. and dairymen
would be baked over a slow fire If they
sold milk in tin cans
These doggone board of health cranks
never ask the consumer what he thinks
about it. They go ahead and hand down
their DEGREES as though they were all
cars Of Russia living in winter palace
So 1.-THE upshOt of 1t is that 1 get about
half as much milk as used to and pay
md 1o,,'f Co,
makes decent living. for If. he dilutes
his milk to keep 1t from giving his Gus
toners indigestion he is apt to be tried by
court martial and shot at SUNRISE.
1.-The other day l called at Spinglers
bakery for loaf of bread. and he handed
me one in a pasteboard box. I asked
him what the idea was, and he said the
box was Theoretically sealed and would
keep out the germs. and consequently the
bread would be more wholesome. He was
going to send out all his bread In that
shape, he said. I took it home and I'M
wrapped 1t, and the blood rushed to my
head when finished the job First there
was the pasteboard box, and then there
was a lot of glazed or oiled paper, and
then a pamphlet the size of a newspaper
explaining what a grand scheme the
whole thing was. and when 1 finally To-
Gated the loaf Of bread It was about the
size of kidney bean.
80 you see the fool merchants are en-
couraging this conspiracy against the
consumer instead of fighting 1t tooth and
nail. You stand here Dragging about the
government inspection marks on your
widowed hams as though they reprek
scented any real value. II you had any
sense you would try to get some hams
that never were inspected. and sell them
to your customers at reasonable prices.
IT you would only
IF you would only square up that old
account of yours" said the grocer, II
could take more interest in your SPELL
binding"