The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1912-12-13
GRIDIRON GRILLERS

GRIDIRON GRILLERs
The national funny event is the
meeting of the Gridiron Club, which
takes place in Washington on the first
Saturday night following the Decem-
Der meeting of each session of Con-
gress
The landslide of 1912; how ii happen
ed. and the futility of an attempt to
reorganize the &c. o. p" on the old
lines, were the themes upon which
played the wit and humor of the club
last Saturday night. Events of political
Importance and actions upon which
turned national issues were treated in
a spirit of 1evity and fun. Underlying
each jest and quip and skit Were
touches of human sympathy and kind
illness for the victims of the November
avalanche, as well as some bits of
homely advice and warning for the
victors, that kept everybody in good
humor.
The fun started early. 1t was dis
covered that the usually immaculate
hall was not as tidy as it should be,
ana white Wing" was sent about
gathering all sorts of litter. This
turned out to be Campaign Rubbish"
and each find brought forth a ripple
OF applause. He pulled out from the
bandstand a pair of moose horns, and
the club members tossed into his bag
some worn-out souvenirs of the cam
paign. Such were the Last positive
predictions of Senator Dixon and
Charles d. Hilles;" THAT smile that
wouldn't come off," the bluff at Big
n L hr
couple of old empty wallets, one mark
ed, &C. p. IT, and the other, &c. w
p" the peace treaties, the commerce
court. and the hopes of Henry Cabot
Lodge for the craftsmanship of the
foreign relations committee"
Hobbling into the hall on crutches,
bandaged, hats knocked in, and clothes
dishevelled, came caricatures of Presi-
dent Taft, Uncle Joe" Cannon, Mick
Longworth, Murray Crane and Repre-
sentatives Sulloway, Mckinley and
Dalzell "some of the landslides," who
declared their purpose to reorganize
the republican party rallying around
the states of Utah and Vermont. The
messengers from these states each an
nounced their four votes in limerick:
Vermont declaring:
"In the Green Mountain State, recollec'
Old Taft won out by a neck;
And we'dve elected him,
Eff they hadn't neglected him,
In forty-six states, by heck"
The Republican Electoral College in
sisted on meeting while the dinner
was in progress to name a candidate
for the second place, for which various
names were suggested, only to be in
stantly withdrawn by solicitious
friends. OF such was that stable
minded, Exchanging his views pa
triot" Herbert s. Hadley, the "ster-
ling Revisionist' Reed Smoot, the I'm
vincible Borah," the great friend of
the common people," Senator Penrose,
and Robert Marion La Toilette, whose
motto is, forgive your enemies" who
recommended that the place be given
to Oyster Bay"
Then the scene changed to the Orient
and the Battle Of Armageddon was
fought in realistic style, as described
by half a dozen war correspondent for
the benefit of old Saul, who had come
to the scene Of his early conflicts.
Correspondent Lodge reported that
Field Marshal Dixon had moved down
Field Marshal McCoombs with a har-
vester machine. McCombs had pour
Hilles, and Hilles had hit Dixon with
some majority claims. Midshipman
Clifford Pinchot, aid to General Perk-
ins, reported that the general needed
ammunition and had sent him for a
fountain pen to write a check. The
battle vas soon over and Saul started
post haste for Washington to seek a
job, declaring that he had been a life
long democrat since the battle ended"
One of the striking features of the
evenings entertainment was a rendi-
ton of complete act of the tuneful
opera OF Carmen by the vocalists of
the club in full costume This was
the famous act of the bull fight, only
1t was rendered with stranger charac-
ters than Bizet ever dreamed of, : and
even the bull was replaced by a full
grown bull moose. Entered Don Jorge
Perkinsarie, champion bull moose
trainer of the world, who announced
that the Mexicans, tired of bull fight
ing, wanted a sport that had some
real hot tamales and chilli con carne
in 1t, which meant a bull moose fight.
President Garthe, after a whispered
conversation with President Taft, an
nounced that the president of the
United States assures me that you can
have him, (the bull moose) and well
come"
Carmen appears, "History's gay CO.
quette," as Popular Applause" and
sings, "To win my smile the greatest
statesmen pause, but when my chances
seem most fair. then have a care, be-
ware, beware"
The bull moose, paving and snort
ing, enters, and then in order the tor
eadors are introduced and invited to
explain their methods of attack. Don
Roberto La Follettio replies, IF l had
got chance to catch my breath, I'm
sure 1 could have talked the brute
to DEATH" but hastily ret;res into the
group as the bull moose makes a dem
onstrator. Toreador Don Champ
Clarkio sang:
"I know the way to get that moose so
grim,
Why don't they turn Bill Bryan lose
on him?
If they did that, I'd have a good ex-
cuse
For saying: Go it, Bill. Go it, bull
moose!"
Then they sang Carmen.
Carmen: '"But where's Don Taftio?
That's the man I'd call by far the
best matador of ALI"
Don Jorge: Don Taftio's a good
fighter, people say"
Carmen:
TOO good for any rough and tumble