The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1912-01-12
CLEMENS THE BOY
The Budding Humorist Was the
Terror of His Mother.
HE YEARNED TO BE A PIRATE


band Of young incorrlgibles. accord
Ing to Albert Bigelow Paine, Twains
secretary and biographer, who in Har'
pers tells something Of their Juvenile
goings on:
His mother declared that he gave her
more trouble than all the other chill
dren put together.
"He drives me crazy with his didoes
when he Is In the house." she used &c
say, land when he is out OF it | an
expecting every minute that some one
will bring him home half dead"
He did, I'm fact, achieve the first OF his
mine narrow escapes from drowning
about this time and was pulled out OF
the river one afternoon and brough,
home In a limp and unpromising con
dition. When with MULLEN tea and cas-
tor oil she had restored him 10 activ.
ity she said:
81 guess there wasn't much danger
People born to be hanged are safe IN
water"
She declared she was willing to pay
bOIueDOuy W ldhe bllh Ou hSi b"h''
for part OF each day and try to teach
him manners.
Besides his mother. who had to con.
tend with the bad boy. was his school
teacher. certain Miss Horr. Mr..
Paine tells how unlike to bed Of roses
was her lot.
Miss Horr received % cents n week
for each pupil and opened her school
with prayer. after which came chap
ter Of the Bible, with explanations and
the rules OF conduct. Then the A Il @
class was called. because its recital
was a hand TO hand struggle, requir-
ing no preparation.
The rules OF conduct that first day
interested little Sam. He calculated
how much he would need TO trim in to
sail close to the danger line and still
avoid disaster. However, he made a
received warning. A second offense
would mean punishment. He did not
mean to be caught the second time
but he had not learned Miss Horr yet
and was presently startled by being
commanded to go out and bring n stick
for his own correction.
This was certainly disturbing. 1t
was sudden, and then he did not know
much about the selection of sticks.
Jane Clemens had usually used her
hand. It required second command
to get him headed I'm the right direc-
ton, and he was q trihe daZed when
he got outside. He had the forests OF
Missouri to select from, but choice was
difficult. Everything looked too big
and competent. Even the smallest
switch had wiry. dlscouraging look.
Across the way was Il cooper shop
with a good many shavings outside.
One had blown across and lay just In
front Of him. 1t was an inspiration.
He picked 1t up and, sOlemnly enter
ing the schoolroom. meekly handed 1t
to Miss Horr.
Perhaps Miss Horr's sense Of humor
prompted forgiveness, but discipline
must be maintained.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens" she
said (he had never heard 1t all strung
together In that ominous way), 81 am
ashamed Of you! Jimmy Dunlap, so
bring I'm a switch for Sammy" And
Jimmy Dunlap went, and the switch
was OF n sort TO give the little boy an
immediate and permanent distaste for
school He Informed his mother when
care for school; that he had no desire
to be a great man; that he preferred
to be a pirate or an Indian and scalp
or drown such people rs Miss Horr.
Young Sam conceived the notion that
a pirates life would be joyous and.
with n couple of pals, cruised the Mis-
sissippi.
Some OF their expeditions were limo
cent enough They often cruised mp t.
Turtle island about two miles above
Hannibal. and spent the day fcosting
You could have loaded Il car with tur
ties and their eggs up there nnd there
were quantities Of mussels and plelty
Of fish. Fishing and swimming wer'
their chief pastimes, with general ma
rauding for adventure Where the rail
road bridge now ends on the Missouri
side was their favorite swimming hole
that and along Bear creek. Il svclud
ed, llmpid water with special interests
OF It's own. Sometimes at evening they
swan across TO Glasscock's island, the
rendezvous OF Tom Sawyer's BLACK
Avengers" and the hiding place of
Huck and Niger Jim. Once. though
this was considerably later. when he
was sixteen. Sam Clemens swan across
to the Illinois side and then turned
and swan back again without land.
Ing, q distance OF at least two miles as
he had TO go. He was seized with n
cramp on the return trip His legs
became useless. and he was obliged 10
make the remaining distance with his
arms. IL wns n hardy life they led.
and It is not recorded that they ever
did any serious damage. though they
narrowly missed II sometimes.
A Close Relation