davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Looks Easy.

Ty Cobb, the famous, looking up
from a Detroit newspaper, said:
Well, here's my old friend bruce
getting married! I wish him luck,
poor fellow But at the same time
AT the same time, what?" said a
sporting editor.
Sat the same time, marriage is
very much like ball"
How so? How is marriage like
ball?" the editor demanded.
1T looks SO easy" the great Cobb
answered, ito those who have never
tried it."
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
More schooIboy .t,owIers.r

"The Salic law is that you must
lake everything with grain of salt.
Julius Caesar was Renowned for
his great strength. He threw a bridge
across the Rhine"
THE zodiac is the zoo of the sky
where lions. goats and other animals
90 after they are dead"
"The Pharisees were people who
liked to show off their goodness by
praying to synonyms.
"An abstract noun Is something
you can't see when you are looking at
T."
"Algebraical symbols are used when
you do not know what you are talking
about. Gazette.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
THE CHlLDREN'S HEALTH

In observing the physical character.
istics Of her children, the careful moth
or soon learns that health is depend.
emit on the regularity of the bowels.
When the bowels become clogged with
the stomach's refuse, loss of appetite,
restlessness, irritability, and similar
evidences Of disorder are soon appar-
emit. Keep the bowels regular and a
healthy, happy child is assured.
AT the first sign of constipation the
mother should administer mild laxa-
tive to carry off the congested waste
from the stomach that Is fermenting
and forcing poisonous gases into the
system. A simple compound of laxa-
tive herbs with pepsin is highly recon-
mended as being very mild, yet posi-
tive, In Its action, teaspoonful at
bedtime usually serving to bring an
easy, thorough, natural movement
next morning. This compound is
known as DR.. CaldwelIs Syrup Pepsin
and is sold by druggists everywhere
for Soc bottle. A larger bottle, put
up especially for the family medicine
chest, costs one dollar.
The use Of salts and violent purga,
tives and cathartics should be avoid.
ed. They are too harsh and drastic
tending to upset the entire system
Write to DR.. w. B. Caldwell, 203 West
St., Monticello, ILL.,, for a trial bottle
Of his Syrup Pepsin, If you have never
used It. He will be glad to send II
without any expense to you. Adv.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25

The leaves ARE turning into gold
They always do the same:
1t Is little way they have,
A sort Of green-goods game.
The hazy twilight brings a moon
That takes up half the sky.
And makes a hungry fellow think
OF future pumpkin pie.
The cider press gets busy now.
{. 1t does not stop nor lag,
And country folks again debate:
Does Cider Cause a Jag?"
The price Of coal goes up a notch.
The price OF ice comes down;
The folks who spend their coin abroad
Are hustling now. in town.
And, oh, the rah-rah boy permits
His hair to grow quite long,
And burst the air with college yells.
Or tunes his college song.
The theaters are open and
New ragtime songs we squall.
These symptoms make II very plain
We know that II Ia Fall
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Restfui Reading.

We are In receipt of three charm
ing booklets. all of which we are peru
ing with intense interest. One Is The
Effects of Various Fixatives on the
Brain of the Albino Rat, With an Ac-
count of Method of Preparing This
Material for a Study of the Cells in
the Cortex." by Helen Dean King. An
other breathing the same spirit is "On
the Percentage of Water In the Brain
and In the Spinal Cord of the Albino
Rat" by Professor Henry II. Donald
son. Miss Kings sprightly treatment
of her theme reminds US strongly Of
q prose expression of the old nursery
Jingle about the three blind mice that
pursued the farmers wife until she
amputated their tails with carving
knife. Seldom have we encountered
such blithe expression OF eytology.
Professor Donaldson's brochure on the
amount OF water in the brain and
spinal cord Of the albino rat flows
smoothly and rhythmically to the end,
but 1t lacks the gracile touch apd ia
Gle Interpretation of the other. Eth
er book, however, is ideal for quiet
evening at home, with fire in the
CRATE and the bait in the trap.
The third publication is Of especial
imeliness. It is "DeForest's Formula
for An Unsymmetrical Probability
Curve" and is from the pen Of Shin
kishi Hatai of the Wistar Institute of
Anatomy. Professor Hatai goes di.
rectly at the heart Of the skew bi.
nomial curve, and the curve that is
limited on one side of the mean, and
he utters an appealing truth when he
deduces that the analytical constants
are determined from the first three
moments. Anyone who has ever ne
gotiated an unsymmetrical probability
curve, either with an auto or on foot,
will testify to this. He also cites the
well-remepbered fact that DeForest
actually obtained one of Pearson's
curves many years ago, and his work
suggests more generalized curve"
We wish copy Of this illuminative
and instructive treatise might be
placed In the hands Of each person
who plans seeing the old year out In
the different cafes and restaurants.
Provided with the formula for an I'M
symmetrical probability curve the
homeward route would not be nearly
SO difficult OF negotiation.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
IDEAL FoR TAE FISHERMAN
Gunnison River, colorado's Famous
Stream, Has Reputation That 10
World Wide.

Denver.-The Gunnison river flows.
or rather leaps, down the western
slope of Colorado and is famed for Its
trout. Enthusiastic anglers frequently
journey there from England to whip
its turbulent waters during the fish
Ing season. as the trout in this Ice
cold stream are celebrated for their
exquisite flavor, and for their fighting
qualities as we'll
This picturesque stream after flow
Ing placidly through beautiful broad
valley. hemmed In by snow capped
peaks, suddenly breaks its leash and
plunges into a series lof rapids and
cascades where 1t enters the Black
Canon at Sapinero, whose granite
walls rise on either side to q perpen-
dicular height of from two thousand
to three thousand feet above the foam
Ing stream. It continues its tortuoua
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Joke on His Clerical Brother.

Two brothers named Chalmers, one
minister and the other a physician,
lived together in a western town. One
lay a man called at the house and
lsked for Mr.. Chalmers. The physi-
sian, who answered the door, replied:
II am he"
You've changed considerably since
last heard you preach said the
man, who appeared greatly aston
shed.
"Oh, it's my brother you want to
see; he breaches and / practice"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Marie Divided the Candy.

When the uncle of a couple OF
Brooklyn youngsters last called al
the household whereof they form q
part he brought with him some pieces
of candy, which we're given to the
little girl to divide with her brother
Later the uncle summoned this
child to the living room and asked:
Marie, when you divided those five
pieces of candy with your brother. die
you give him two and half pieces?
mo. SIR said Marie. 81 saw they
weren't going to come out even, SO
ate one before began to divide. -
Lippincott's Magazine.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Business for Father.

The small daughter of a practicing
physician, who evidently has an eye
to business, told her mother, in no I'M
certain terms, that she must call at
once on their new neighbor.
"And why must call on herr" ask
ed the mother. amused at the child's
positiveness.
well, in the first place." explained
the little lady, they've got three OF
the scranniest kids, and the mother
herself don't look very strong"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
SCHOOL BOARD BARS CUPID
Applicants for Positions at Wilkes
barre, Pa, Must Make Written
Promise.

Wilkesbarre. Pa.-Before successful
applicants for positions in Hazleton
township schools are permitted to
start work they must submit in writ
Ing a promise that they will not fall
victims to Cupid's darts during the
school year.
Some of the teachers who refused
to give the written promise have been
informed that their services win not
be required. It Is understood that the
new rule has delayed a few midwinter
weddings. The school board made
the demand to prevent searcity OF
teachers sfzsr chs keRm was nzBder
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Butterfly Farm.

Business men from New York are
to establish in Red Bank, N. j., the
irst butterfly farm in the world. They
will raise butterflies of all varieties,
specializing In specimens of brilliant
,oloring and highly decorative appear
ance. The product of the farm is to
be sold to society women, who thus
will be enabled to satisfy their within
Tor having butterflies about their con
servatories and parlors.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
The Real Thing.

Do these emotional actresses ever
shed real sears?" asked Mrs. Crouch.
between acts.
Sure" replied Mr.. Crouch Every
now and then they hit bum town
and get peek Al. the box office re-
ceipts."-Judge.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Coming.

Il have a kick coming snorted
the indignant citizen, as he entered
the bureau of complaints.
We'll. keep COOL" replied the clerR.
you'll get 1t when your turn comes"
Boston Advertiser.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
New China Currency.

The new Chinese dollars OF the
Chinese republic are objects of much
curiosity among the natives. They
carry English on the diverse side and
Chinese on the reverse, with the pic
ture Of DIR. Sun Vat Sen, founder Of
the republic.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Unusual Event.

Mamma-And you say your Auntie
Close gave you penny. Etheli
Ethel-Yes, mamma.
"And what did you say, dear7"
why, really, mamma, was so
surprised couldn't say anythingi"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Woman,a Proaran,.

Bacon see an electric motor to
move q cradle or child's rocking
horse has been patented by a woman
Egbert-If the women keep on they
sill leave nothing for the husband to
90 while they are out voting.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
save the Good.

The troubles of this country can
be easily remedied. All we have to
do Is to elect honest men to public
Office"
But why spoil the few honest men
we have?''-Satire.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Making Him Useful.

What has become of that poet that
ran away with and married the daugh-
ter Of old Porkenlard, the millionaire
meat man?"
why, Porkenlard took him into the
firm and makes him work ten hours
q day writing rhymes for their street
car advertisements"
AkNA-G1ae>6I
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
A sure Sign.

Crawford-Do you think he's hem
pecked?
Crabshaw-He never mentioned IT,.
but I've noticed that the portraits
over his mantelpiece are those of his
wife's folks-St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Jones was Wise.

What sort Of a chap is Jones to
go camping WITH"
He's one of those fellows who al
ways takes down a mandolin about
the time It's up to somebody to get
busy washing dishes"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
A Genius.

Hes one of our most successful
,Lnanciers."
THAT SO? didn't know he was
rich"
HE isn't. But he's supporting a
family Of five on $40 week."
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Woman Police ofHcer.

WUfHdH FuIICG 0HIC0fs
Miss Mary Steele Harvey is the first
woman TO be appointed police oflcer
In Baltimore. The last legislature Gre
ated FIVE police matrons with full po-
lice powers. Miss Harvey is the first
Of the Ave to be appointed.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Always . Chance.

81 wish could originate something.
Look at the airship and the automo-
bile; they have each opened up new
Industries. But could never start
anything"
Yes, you can"
"Whatf"
-The next new industry that IL
opened up. you start the trst maya
zine devoted to Ia ~.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
She Stops.

Heck-Is 1t true that your wife has
an impeachment in her speech?
Peck-Yes, she gets sleepy about
IL and begins to yawn.-Pittsburg
Post.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Looking for More Mills.

Making any money these days?"
asked Hicks OF the mill owner.
Hardly any" said the owner. I'VE
are beginning to see the reason fol
the old saying that II takes 10 MILD
. Ia raaka n cen&.nue.-srszz..zszzIl
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Bane GUIDE Wells.

1t is stated by returning traveller
that the yells introduced by the
American athletes at Stockholm can
be heard all over Sweden"
Some yells those.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
The Cool Wave.

A few cool nights and days
Once more arrive.
They drive the suns hot rays
And we revive.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Bunkoed.

Griggs-How about that piece of
land you bought down on the cape?
Anything come up on 1t?
Briggs-Yes, the tides.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25

Mrs. winsiow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething. softens the gums. reduces infiamma-
ton. allays pain, cures wind collie, Csc bottle.
Adv.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25

Never do anything concerning the
rectitude of which you have doubt.
-Pliny.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
of course.

"Her husband Is a self-made man. -
She's sure to insist on altera.
TONS"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1912-10-25
Mixed Metaphors

"You didn't really show that you
were bored?"
mo; hope I am too well drilled"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-05-28
North Carolina And Old Dominion Safe For Oscar
 Under7oood, Says BdnRhead
ny c. E. STEWART

Washington, May Especial )-The Wilson forces have been sending out some very misleading claims regarding vir- ginia and North Carolina and Senator Bankhead when asked about it today said:
 We are not in this Underwood fight to make claims, but you can quote me as strongly as you like that Virginia and North Carolina will be for Underwood. Or. the first ballot Wilson will have 6lls votes on the Virginia delegation. On the second ballot Underwood will have the entire state.
 ''In North Carolina much less than half of the delegates to the state convention have any instructions at all. Among those uninstructed we know Underwood has al: overwhelming majority. You may rest assured Virginia and North Carolina are all right.
 Wake county, North Carolina, holds a preferential primary Saturday and one of the biggest rallies ever held in North Carolina will be that of Thursday night for Underwood at Raleigh Senator Bank head and Congressman Hefiin will be the chef speakers
 Senator Bankhead, who went to Balti- mere yesterday for the purpose of ascer- taining the extent of the damage to the Eutaw hotel in the recent fire and to mako other arrangements if necessary for the Alabama delegation and the Under wool headquarters at the convention. said today upon his return:
 The fire originated in the basement of the hotel. where considerable damage was done and was drawn up the eleva-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-05-28

Houston, Tex, May 27.-(SpeciaD The advertising experts found Houston with its hands full First of all there was state convention in session. Secondly the rival candidates for governor, O. B.. Colquitt, incumbent. and Judge William P. Ramsey, chief justice of the supreme court, were busy among the voters, but while the state convention was acting in the interest of Woodrow Wilson and the candidates were discussing the rela- tive merits of local option and prohibition the ad men spent a day very pleasantly.
 As the four trains arrived the guests were escorted to the hotels for breakfast. Automobiles were then furnished in which the visitors were driven throughout the city At noon formal reception was rendered at which Mayor Rice was the principal speaker. In the afternoon ships were boarded and down the channel a fish fry was enjoyed. The theatre parties were the offering the late afternoon.
 As far as Birmingham was concerned the feature of the day was in the pub lication of the Post and Chronicle, the two local papers having united in pre- senting an excellent special edition or eight pages filled with news of the con vention and news of the delegates. Al the suggestion of George M. Bailey, chief editorial writer of the Post. the staff Of the Birminghammer was employed as soon as that staff reached the city from
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-05-28
ROOSEVELT WANTS |HADLEY ID TAKE THE PLACE OF EL|HU ROOT
 Wants Missouri Man to Act as Temporary Chairman of National Convention NEW JERSEY FIGHT PRACTICALLY OVER
 Ills Last Spectacular Personal Contest.
 Roosevelt Ends Remarkable Campaign-Two Conven- tions in Texas

Jefferson City, Mo, May 27.--In a letter received by Governor Herbert s. Hadley here today, Col. Theodore Roosevelt asked him to be temporary chairman of the re- publican national convention to be held lin Chicago. if the Roosevelt forces sue ceeded in getting control of the conven- |tion.
 MT. Hadley will accept if he believes he can best serve his faction of the party it was announced, but he would greatly prefer that some other progressive be selected for the place. He so told the colonel in letter in answer to his re- quest
 Governor Hadley was one of the eight governors who wrote to Colonel Roose- welt asking him to become a candidate for President before the colonel an- nounced that he would accept. He was one of the leaders of the Roosevelt faction of the state convention al St. Louis and was elected chairman of the convention after being defeated in committee for tenn porary chairman by the Taft adherents. It was announced from Washington sew eral days ago that Governor Hadley was one of the four men who would be con- sidered for temporary chairman of the Chicago convention in case the Roosevelt forces got control, but the letter received from Colonel Roosevelt today is the first intimation that Hadley is Roosevelts 8 personal choice for the place.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-05-28
FLOOD VICTIMS ARE STILL DESTITUTE Fourteen Hundred Refugees at Jena Without Even
 a Sack of Meal

New Orleans, May 27.--Stories of dire distress among 1400 flood refugees in the vicinity of Jena, La, in Lasalle parish, were received here today by pr. oscar Bowling, president of the Louis lana state board of health, in a letter from MT. Mayer Newhauser. special in- spector of the board, who Is in charge of the medical and sanitary work among the refugees in the Black river section.
 pr. Newhauser said he had just com pleted a trip of 25 miles up Black river and that some 140o refugees were clamoring for food and are in need or medicine.
 pr. Newhauser states that scattered about in the swamps within a radius of nine miles of Jena there were 95O negroes and 450 white people. among whom 120 tents had been distributed.
 Most of the refugees. however. had built themselves wooden huts. but the sanitary conditions were reported bad. He said 1t would be impossible to con centrate the negroes. as they were so much scattered through the swamps Cattle feed, medicines and lime, he said were much needed also.
 No rations had been Issued these peo- pie within 10 days. the doctor reported and then only 500 half rations were Issued. Some rations were expected to arrive from Monroe Tuesday.
 There was not even a sack of meal In Jena when Dr. Newhauser wrote his re- port
 The letter was referred to the flood re- lief committee by the state health au- thorities and supplies were ordered out immediately
 The erevasse waters In that section are falling at the rate of two inches day and in the Toiras crevasse section the water is receding slowly, but there are more than G509 square miles or terrtory in Louisiana in which the people will be kept from their homes for another two weeks and half of this will not De in- h; bsta ble for three weeks or 2 month,
 Conditions in the section which Is being rapidly flooded by the Hymelia crevasse are growing worse each day. and as the waters rise many more people are being forced to abandon their homes. The Mis- sissippi river however. is receding rapid lv and within two weeks the Hymelia crevasse waters will begin to run off the inundated lands.
 The river gauge at New Orleans this morning registered 195 feet. fall of 2.5 feet from the highest of the present flood
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-05-28

Baltimore. May .-tspeciaL1-The Ala bama delegation to the democratic na- tional convention and the Underwood Marching cub will be housed at the Eutaw House as per schedule. This was made certain today. when the conven- ton committee and the owners and man ager of the hotel inspected the dam aged hostelry. and declared that it could be repaired In good order by the time the delegates are ready to occupy the building.
 This was good news to the committee, even though It had been besieged with offers to house the Alabamians. Several hotel men had stated that they could care for the delegation. but did not state whether they would spare rooms in their hotels for them or would rent a special building. It was even suggested that rooms at. the Fifth regiment armory, which Is the convention hall, might be used by the Alabama party. but this was found to be impractieable, as these will have to be used by committees.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-05-28
WATSON OPENS HIS FIGHT IN GEORGIA Makes Bitter Attack on T. B. Fielder, Who Issues Reply in Kind
 

Atlanta, May 27.-Thomas E. Watson to- day fired the opening gun in his fight to control the democratic state convention here on Wednesday, His attack was directed at Thomas B. Fielder. who was selected on Saturday by the Fifth district caucus as its candidate for delegate at large to the national convention.
 In a trade equally as bitter as that aimed at him by MT. Watson. MT. Fielder accepted the challenge thus given and promised fight to the finish In the con- vention MT. Watson bases his opposition to MT. Fielder as delegate at large on the ground that the caucus was illegal. In telegram today to the Atlanta Jour nal MT. Watson said:
 .''The action of the secret caucus held Tn Atlanta Saturday was a rank injustice upon Walton Rockdale. Clayton and Campbell counties. Both Fulton and De- Kaib counties went for Wilson, yet those tw counties not only hog a majority of the district delegates but also arro- gate to themselves in advance of the convention the right to dictate one of the delegates at large.
 T am a candidate for the chairman ship of the Baltimore delegation and l invite all delegates who favor my candi- dacy to meet in the ball room of the Kinball House at o clock Tuesday night. No one connected with the scandaous Morse case should present himself. '
 MT. Fielder, who Is member of the law firm which secured the liberation of Charles w. Morse from the federal peni- tentiary. made reply in a public statement al follows:
 Watson is evidently issuing a challenge to me which l most heartily accept. The fight will take place on the floor and the delegates will be the arbiters. I will ask no quarter and, give none. have done everything a reasonable man could ask to avoid a fight with Watson I realize what he did for Underwood and was willing to have him come along with the rest of us to Baltimore. But when, after all that has been done to placate him, he still will not be happy, we shall have fight and q rare old fight it will be- We shall beat him to an everlasting, eternal, non-revokable frazzle"