Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-15
The Fifth
Wheel
Queer Things That Happened
to Coachman McQuade
BY o. HENRY
Copyright, 1910. by Doubleday. Page
G. Co.

l
The ranks of the bed line moved
closer together. for 1t was cold, cold
They were the alluvial deposit Of the
stream of life lodged in the delta OF
Fifth avenue and Broadway. The bed
liners stamped their freezing feet,
looked at the empty benches in Madi.
son square whence Jack Frost had
evicted them and muttered to one an
other In confusion of tongues.
Standing ON pine box Il head higher
than his flock of goats. the preacher ex.
herted whatever transient and shifting
audience the north wind doled out to
him. Ii was slave market Fifteen
cents bought you man. You decided
him to Morpheus. and the recording
angel gave you credit.
The preacher was incredibly earnest
and unwearied. He had looked over
the list Of things one may do for ones
fellow man and had assumed for him.
self the task of putting to bed all who
might apply at his soap box on the
nights Of Wednesday and Sunday.
The hour of s was but a little while
past. Sightseers in small. dark mass
Of pay ore were gathered in the shadow
Of General Worth's monument. Now
and then, shyly, ostentatiously, care.
lessly or with conscientious exactness
one would step forward and bestow
upon the preacher small bills or silver.
Then lieutenant of Scandinavian col.
oring and enthusiasm would march
away to lodging house with a squad
of the redeemed.
A clean profiled, erect young man In
the rear rank of the bedless emulated
the terrapin, drawing his head far
down into the shell of his coat collar.
1t was well cut tweed coat. and the
trousers still showed signs Of having
| flattened themselves beneath the COM
pelling goose. The young man was no
other than Thomas McQuade. ex-coach-
man, discharged for drunkenness one
month before and now reduced to the
grimy ranks of the one night bed seek
ers.
If you live in smaller New York you
must know the Van Smuythe family
carriage, drawn by the two 1900
pound 100 to / shot bays. The car
riage is shaped like bathtub. In each
end of it reclines an old lady Van
Smuythe holding a black sunshade the
size of a New Years eve feather
ticker. Before his downfall Thomas
McQuade drove the Van Smuythe bays
and was himself driven by Annie, the
Van Smuythe lady's maid But 1t is
one of the saddest things about ro-
nance that a tight shoe or an empty
commissary or an aching tooth will
make a temporary hereto of any Gu
pid worshiper And Thomas phys
ical troubles were not few. Therefore
his soul was less vexed with thoughts
of his lost lady's maid than it was by
the fancied presence of certain non
existent things that his racked nerves
almost convinced him were flying,
dancing, crawling and wriggling on
the asphalt and in the air above and
around the dismal campus Of the bed
line army. Nearly four weeks of
straight whisky and diet limited to
crackers, bologna and pickles often
guarantee a archaeological sequel.
Thus desperate, freezing, angry, beset
by phantoms as he was, he felt the
need Of human sympathy and inter-
course.
The bed liner standing at his right
was a young man Of about his own
age, shabby, but neat.
whats the diagnosis of your case.
Freddy" asked Thomas, with the free
masonic familiarity of the damned.
Booze? That's mine. You don't look
like panhandler."
The other young man seemed to wei
come the advances of the airy ex-
coachman.
NO" said he; mine isn't exactly a
case of drink-unless we allow that
is mail 'Su VA
wisely, according to the opinion of my
unforgiving relatives. I've been out
of work for a year because ! don't
know how to work. and I've been sick
In Bellevue and other hospitals four
months. My wife and kid had to go
back to her mother. / was turned out
of the hospital yesterday. And
haven't cent. That's my tale OF
woe."
"Tough luck" said Thomas. "A
man alone can pull through all right.
But l hate to see the women and the
kids get the worst Of 1t"
Just then there hummed up Fifth
avenue motorcar so splendid, so red,
no smoothly running, so craftily de-
molishing the speed regulations. that 1t
drew the attention even of the listless
bed liners. Suspended and pinioned on
its left side was an extra tire.
When opposite the unfortunate COM
pany the fastenings Of this tire became
Ioosed. 1t fell to the asphalt, bounded
md rolled rapidly in the wake OF the
dying car.
Thomas McQuade, scenting an op-
nortunity. darted from his place among
the preacher's goats. In thirty seconds
he had caught the rolling tire, swung
II over his shoulder and was trotting
after the car. On both sides of the
avenue people were shouting, whistl1ng
| md u,arinr canes ut the red car, pOlnt-