Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1912-08-15

what l mean"
Ashton reached round for the cleo.
trio button as if he were comforting a
favor: "The drinks are on you,
Wedgewood. I'll ring" And he rang.
"Awf'lly kind of you" said Wedge.
wood, "but how do you make that
out?"
"The man that misses the point,
pays for the drinks" And he rang
again. Wellington protested.
But I've jolly we'll paid for all the
drinks for two days"
Wellington roared: That's another
point you've missed" And Ashton
rang again, but the pale yellow indi.
vidual who had always answered the
bell with alacrity did not appear.
Where's that Internal buffet waiter ?"
grumbled.
Wedgewood began to litter 1--WE
were out of Scotch, so I sent him for
some more"
"When?"
1.-TWO stations back. I fancy we
must have left him behind"
well, why in thunder didn't you
say SOP" Ashton roared
"It quite escaped my mind" Wedge.
wood grinned. Rather good joke on
you fellows, WHAT"
well, l don't see the point" Ash.
ton growled, but the triumphant Eng.
lishman howled: That's where you
pay!"
Wedgewood had his laugh to him.
self, for the others wanted to murder
him. Ashton advised lynching, but
the conductor arrived on the scene in
time to prevent violence.
Fosdick informed him of the ire
trievable loss of the useful buffet wait.
er. The conductor promised to get
another at Ogden.
Ashton walled: Have we got to
sit here and die of thirst till them"
The conductor refused to back UP
for coon," but offered to send in a
sleeping-car porter as temporary
substitute.
AS he started to go, Fosdick, who
had been necessarily consulting his
watch, checked him to ask: ooh, con.
ductor, when do we get to the state
line of dear old Utah?"
Dear old UTAH" the conductor
grinned. Wed "a been there already
if we hadn't "a fell behind little"
"Just my luck to be late" Fosdick
moaned.
What you so anxious to be in
Utah for, Fosdick?" Ashton asked. sus.
piclously. you go on to Frisco, don't
your.
Fosdick was evidently confused at
the direct question. He tried to
dodge it: Eyes, but-funny how things
have changed. When We started, no.
body was speaking to anybody except
his wife, now"
"Now," said Ashton, drily, "every-
body's speaking to everybody except
his wife"
You're wrong there" Little jim
ME interrupted. Il wasn't speaking
ME interrupted. 81 wasn't speaking
to my wife in the first place. We got
on as strangersh and we're strangersh
yet. Mrs. Welln'ton is "a"
"A queen among women, We know!
Dry up" said Ashton, and then they
heard the querulous voice Of the por-
ter of their sleeping car: 81 tell you,
l don't know nothin' about the buffet
business"
The conductor pushed him in with
a gruff command. Crawl in that cage
and get busy"
Still the porter protested: "Mista
Pullman engaged me for sleepin'
car, not drinkin' car. I'm berth
maker, not a mixer" He cast re-
sentful glance through the window
that served also as a bar, and his
whole tone changed: Say, is you
goin' to allow me loose amongst all
you do, can't guarantee my con.
duck"
them beautiful bottles? Say, man, If
''If you even sniff one of those bot
ties" the conductor warned him, I'll
crack it over your head"
THAT won't worry me none-as
long as my mouf's open" He smacked
his chops over the prospect of init
macy with that liquid treasury.
"Lordy! Well, I'll try to control my
emotions-but remember, don't guar
antee nothin'."
The conductor started to go, but
paused for final instructions: And
remember-after we get to Utah we
can't serve any hard liquor at all"
whats that? Don't they low moth
in in that old Utah but ice-cream
solar
That's about all. II you touch a
drop, I'll leave you in Utah for Life"
"oh, Lordy. I'll be good!"
The conductor left the excited black
and went his way. Ashton was the
first to speak: Say, Porter, can you
mix drinks?"
The porter ruminated, then con-
fessed: well, not on the outside, no,
sir. If you-all is thirsty you better or
der the simplest things you can think
Of. II you want to command anything
fancy, Lord knows what you'd get.
Supposin' you was to say, Gimme a
Tom Collins I'd be just as liable as
not to pass you Jack Johnson"
We'll, can you open beer?"
"Oh, I'm a natural born beer
opener"
Rush it out then. My throat is as
81 ~ D