The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-05-05

most exact knowlege iv mathymatics is re- qured f'r tn position What is vulgary known as tn spit ball. on account iv tn honely way in which tn oprator procures his effects, is, in fact solution iv wan iv tn most inthricate prob lens in mechanics. Tn purpose iv tn pitcher is to projict tn proictyle so that at pint between his position an tn batsman tn tindncy to pro- ceed on its way will be countheracted be an i'm pulse to return whence 1t come. Tn purpose iv tn batsman is, afther judgin' be scientific methods tn probable coorse or thraj ajecthry iv the missile, to oppose it with sufficyent foorce at tn proper moment an at tn most efficient point, first to retard its for'ard movement thin to correct tn osscylation an fn'lly to propel it in direction approximately opposite firm its original progress. This, 1 am informed, is technically known as "pastng tn ball on tn nose Cor bugle)." In gr-reat number iv cases which I obsarved tn ex- pertinent iv tn batsman failed, an tn umpire was obliged so to declare tn ball havin' actually crossed tn plate, but eluded tn (intended) blow In other cases where no blow was attempted or meditated noted that tn umpire erred, an in gin'ral l must deplore gnra lack iv thraned scientific obsarvaton on tn part iv this oficyal He made number iv glarin' blundhers, an I was not surprised to larn firm ginteman who sat next to me that he (th' umpire) had spint tn ary part iv his life as fish in tn Mammoth iv Kentucky. l thred me best to show me dis approval v his onscienthc an infamious methods be hittin' him over tn head with me umbrella as he left tn grounds.
 "' At tn requist iv tn ditor iv tn magazine, intherviewed Misther Bugs Mulligan, tn pitcher iv tn Kangaroos, afther tn game l found tn cillybrated expert in tn rotundy iv tn Grand Palace hotel where he was settin' with other players, polishin' his finger nails. I r-read him my notes on tn game an he expressed his ap- proval, addin' with show at taste iv enthusyasm: "Bo ye have head like dhrum." l requested him to sign tn foregoin' statement, but he de- clined, remarkin' that tn last time he wrote his name he sprained his wrist an was out iv tn game fir a week
 "What'd I be doin' at tn likes iv game like that? I'd come away with a narvous headache. No, sir, whin take day off, l take day off. I'm not gon' to baseball game. I'm goin' to take bag iv peanuts an spind an afthernoon at tn chimical labrytory down at tn colledge, where there's something goin' on 1 can understand"
 70, sure," said MT. Hennessy if twas as mysteeryous as all that, how cud Tom Donohue's boy Petie arn it, that was fired firm tn brothers school because he cudden't add?"
 "Well, I dnnaw," said Mr. Dooley. "I thought iv that tn last time he was in here. I'd been readn' an article be Pro-hssor Slapgood, an harly knew how to address tn young scientist, though ts not so nanny years since chased him away firm in front iv tn place with tn hose I'd lost thrack iv him since he left home, so says: suppose ye've studied hard says l, since seen ye last says. How long coorse iv science did ye take befure ye enthered tn pro- fsyon? says l. Put 'em lower, says he. Tn suns in me eyes, he says. We'll says I, where did yc larn baseball7' says. In tn back yard. with bed slat an woolen ball. he says. Thin it isn't thrue ye wint to Heidelberg whin ye left here?' says l. niver heerd iv tn team. l wint as substichoot scond base on tn Baryboo nine, an thin was thraded to Cedar Rapids he says.
 This here pa-aper, says l, says ye pitch wonderful ball that ye projooce be disturbin tn relations iv tn radyus iv tn ball to tn crcunlfer-