The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1912-05-27
CLUB SC00PEO
THE CONVENTION
Roosevelt's Hat was Object
of Attack by All Other
Candidates.

Press club Saturday 'scooped" the re.
publican party by holding the nation
al convention almost a month in adj
vance Of the set time for it. The
convention was held in a downtown
theatre before a large audience.
Taft. Roosevelt, La Toilette. Cam
non. Champ Clark. Wilson. Hearst
and even Clark's celebrated "houn'
dawg" were on the stage. About $50
persons took part In the performance.
The burlesque was in one act. it hav-
ing been announced that the club
club would present sin one act the
many screaming acts Of the political
leaders Of the day.
The curtain rose on a convention
scene with the temporary chairman.
newspaper men. telegraph operators,
and several delegations in their
places. A few seconds later, the New
York delegation entered. They carried
banners inscribed Jim Jeffries
Thought So. Too" and I'VE Are For
Big Built Aft" The lone Roosevelt
delegate was tied and blindfolded.
followed quickly. After exclaiming
liars" he threw his hat into the au-
dience. Then he described a chalk
ring on the stage and threw another
hat into It. In snappy sentences he
explained he was not r candidate for
the nomination and that If he accept
ed 1t, he would have to force himself
to do so.
II have gone all over the county
trying to stop this movement" he de-
Roosevelt having retired. La Fol-
lette and the Wisconsin delegation
appeared. After kicking Roosevelt's
hat Out of the ring. La Toilette an
nounced his platform. bearing great
ly on the Wisconsin income tax.
which he declared, gave men with
large families large tax exemptions.
III a man has twelve children.
La Toilette pays him a bonus" said
the speaker.
A message for Roosevelt and upon
being PACED. he decided he had been
nominated so he re-entered the con-
vention and began to thank its mem-
bers for the great honor they had
thrust upon him. Informed Of his
error. he replaced his hat in the ring
and then departed.
Amid great disorder Cannon rush
ed into the convention. ~ushed the
temporary chairman from the plat
form and took nv the gavel.
w must have HARMONY" he
shouted. "even if we have to fight for
it."
The Ohio delegation arrived with
President Taft. He gave Roosevelt's
hat the customary kick and made a
speech.
81 am against the recall" he said.
II am especially opposed to the re-
call of a president after he is out. I
find nothing in h constitution about
this out agin'. in aein'. business and
the constitution must he preserved. I
don't want to move. l hope everv
man who had to NOV May 1 will
vote for me-"
Champ Clark and hi "dawg'' fol-
lowed the next arrivals from the di-
vided Missouri delesation: The dog
kicked the hat from the ring and for
the insult suffered several kicks from
Roosevelt. who replaced the hat. In
quiry as to what Clark was doing in
a republican convention brought the
reply hat he wanted to obtain some
pointers on how to run the Baltimore
gathering.
Both Governor Wilson and Hearst.
who appeared after Clark. knocked
the hat out Of the ring with the re-
suit that Roosevelt first glued it down
and later put a brick under it. Even
tually, Taft kicked the brick.
While the nominating speeches
were being made a militant suffra-
gette stormed the convention and be-
gan to assail the various politicians
present. She took Taft to task for
never having written ar Dear Ma
ria" letters; Roosevelt because he
wanted the hand that rocked the !
cradle to work overtime: La Toilette
for his hair, which. she alleged. was
false; Clark for calling himself
of the house in defiance of
the well-known fact that a woman
has been the rightful owner of
that title: Wilson for wearing a cap
and gown. thus robbing woman of her
and Hearst for having asserted
he was a great editor. although many
of his columns have been filled by
woman writer's.
The suffragette placed in nominal
ton a newspaper woman who gives
advice to sentimental people regard
ing affairs of the heart. The speak
er declared her candidate had ex-
posed more crooked men than the
law.
The vote on Taft, Roosevelt and La
Toilette resulted in a tie. each receiv-
ing $50 votes. Cannon announced
that the man whose friends made the
most noise would he declared the
nominee. In the bedlam which fol-
all Of the delegates shouted
FOR all of the candidates and the con-
was adjourned without n
choice having been expressed.
In every neighborhood is a man who
makes a good living by apparently
1oing nothing.