Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-12-27
DIVORCE A LA Mode.

DIVORCE A LA MODE.
(Deduced from the news columns.)
Mrs. Algernon Lucas asks d divorce
from her husband because he insists
upon wearing lavender pajamas instead
of blue when he sleeps i'm the blu bed
room.
Mrs. Isaac w. Langworthy has asked
for a divorce on the grounds of ex-
IRENE cruelty. Her husband put her
lapdog out doors the other night and
kept 1t out for nearly five minutes.
Horace w. Kiskadden wants a di-
vorce because his wife refuses t o har-
ness the mule for him every norm
ing and he has to do it himself.
MRS: Lemuel H. Proudfoot has APP
piled for a divorce because her husband
used violet perfume when she prefers
wild rose. This is considered an ag-
gravated cas-
Benjamin w. G%ilderhouse has APP
piled for a divorce because he found
a hairpin in the Irish stew one day
last week.
WHY HOTEL STENOGS SWALLOW
THEIR GUM.
II want to dictate a letter to Mr..
I~vanovitch Observation-Disclosures
skiovitch Of Vladivostok. Russia.
Hurry up"
Say sweetheart. do You work here
just for fun?'
II got a gal who looks a whole lot
like YOU. Do you mind if l stick
around and gossip awhile? Gee, this
is a lonesome town"
You spelled five words wrong in
that last letter I wrote to the house
and l got called for it. Get in touch
with Daniel Webster. kid"
Won't you com out and help me
pioIr rvrf - ,n0olki-c NJ, ,.:r. 1~.
does it for me when l am home"
II amt never saw a s~tenographer
50 quick and %accurat as Your
grammar is just as perfect as mine"
OUR BEAUTY CREAM.
Our new and celebrated beauty
cream is still receiving fine indorse-
ments from some of the best people.
Following are a few that filtered in
through u voluminous mail yester-
day:
Dear Sir: May heaven bless you.
The beauty cream is such a success
that my husband stood on the back
platform of the street car and paid my
fare yesterday when l smiled at him.
He thought l was some strange lady.
Mrs. F. G."
certainly a marvel. was walking
down the street yesterday with my 15-
year-old daughter and a vaudeville
man wanted US to go on and do a sis
ter act.-Mrs. B. T. r."
Dear Sir: Since 1 have been using
your beauty cream even my husbands
mother has been obliged to admit that
is nothing short of a miracle.-Mrs.
F. D."
THE OLD SWEETHEART.
{ used to know a little gal,
BY jing. h was a peach.
But I learned to my great regret
She was beyond my reach.
h had the softest kind of eyes.
Her figger was immense.
[ wanted to we'd her. but /
Could not stand the expense.
( was then gettin' six a week.
She said to run along
And try upon some other gal
My sweet and artful song.
h said that she was goin' to wed
Some older guy who earned
A hundred dollars every month.
And SO mw suit she spurned.
Gee whiz.. 1 surely had it bad.
And life meant naught. to me.
There was no gal in this whole world
At all exceptin' she.
She went and we'd u canyasser
A crayon portrait gink.
l thought that l would lose my mind
And go right on the blink.
Twas twenty years ago that she
row my young love away.
= never saw n gal again
TIL just tie other day.
She had five kids tagRin' her
And wheeled two In a cart,
And didn't look much like. she did
When she said we must part.
She weighs about two hundred pounds.
ana I nave got u hunch
Iilst y KIN knock her husband out
Shes got a well-devAloped crouch.
And when she looks at YOU
h seems az though she IL about
To bite q nail in two.
The 2 portrait Teller. he
Just tags round in her wake
She makes him do the housework and
Wash dishes. sweep and bake.
I guess. when 1t ID said and done.
Thet puppy loves a shine:
I'm doggone glad l didn't win
mat old sweetheart of mine.
PERSONAL.
Percy-Oh, yes. We can tell YOU the
dinerence between q drowning sailor
ana . matinee Idol. A drowning sailor
y dashed to the mas and Z mafinee
idol is mashed to the last. Keep, I'm.
F1d0. and eat your dog biscuit.
Lucretia-There IL no better way
tnan putting y In his coffee. hut when
do u, don't look at him al th0nah
you We're guiIty of anything. The
cure Q mention u very rood N the
c0nee The last ma We knew who
took u unconsciOusly In his coifee.
never drank = bit OF whisky again-or
ANYTHING else. you can thereby net nd
q Your husbard's breath and your
y the same time II you 70 at