davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
Perfect Faith,

"women may be catty in little things,
yet they have childlike trust in each
others honesty" said the man. IF
they hadn't, they could never have sat
serenely through the situation that
faced several of them the other night
at the opera. had balcony seat.
Beside me sat woman who discover
ed at the end of the first act, that
she had lost her purse. She thought
It had slipped to the seat in front
The woman occupying that seat stood
up. shook her wraps, and looked under
the seat, but couldn't find the purse.
"'Still, it must be some place. she
said. MY own bag has slipped down
under the seat in front Of me. I'll Set
It when the opera is over
"Then other women began to hunt
for handbags and purses that had fall
en-. Some found them. others did not.
But nobody seemed to mind. They
had a perfect faith that the things
would turn up later, and settled back
TRANQUILITY for the second act. Imag-
Inc a lot of men letting their purses
lie around like that. They would have
found their money before quiet was
restored If the opera had been delay
ed till midnight"
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
Saw Point of Resemblance

Rev. Denis Q'Donaghue, whom
every one In indianapolis knows and
loves. and who is now bishop of the
diocese Of Louisville. is as fond of
telling joke on himself as he is of
sprfnging one on some one else.
The bishop is nearly bald and when
he is travelling and desires to remove
bis headgear he usually pulls on silk
Skull cap. The bishops friends tell of
little train incident that happened
to him while travelling between Indian.
apolis and Chicago.
Just behind the bishop sat travel.
ing man who appeared to be deeply
Interested in his reverence. However,
he did not speak to the bishop until
the train began to slow up at small
station. The traveller was to alight at
this station. Gathering his grips he
started for the door. Then he turned
back and stopped at Bishop ODonag.
hue's seat.
Pardon me-" he said, with an anx.
lous countenance. ''but aren't you Bill
Nye?"
Bishop O'Donaghue. who was al.
ways an admirer Of the famous humor.
list, thought the joke was too good to
keep and promptly told 1t on himself.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
0rab China.

Not a single little Chinese hat with
q button is to be seen in Wuchang to-
day, but such an assortment of caps
upon badly barbered heads-caps of
ordinary English make and stranger
varieties made from native fabrics;
felt hats of every description, from
the soft green, called Alpine, to Eng.
lands familiar billycock. One coolie
was seen carrying water with his
bamboo over his shoulder glorious in
a silk topper. Nearly all the queues
are gone.
! hear Of Chinese gentlemen on all
sides Fastening to discard their charm.
ing silk gowns, white socks and pic
turesque shoes for ordinary prosaic
European dress. begin to fear that
I may never see gorgeous mandarin
In all his grandeur of robes and UNI
brellas and lovely, buttoned peacock
feathered hat again. It seems posi-.
BILE, and even probable, that mandarins
oh, and the pity Of It! they were so
beautiful-may become Just ordinary
mortals. Fancy mandarin in frock
coat and black silk hat!-Wuchang
correspondent Pail Mall Gazette.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
Blame "eunty" for This Ono.

Ever since "Bunty" came to town to
pull few strings Scotch stories have
been in the air hereabouts, says the
New York correspondent of the Gin.
cinnati Times Star. This is told by
John Dunsmore, who has Highland
ancestry as well as Highland name.
1T was hot Sunday afternoon in Ed.
inbro." said Dunsmore. 1.-THE kirk was
full Of men and women as the preach.
er Numbered. But by and by they
all dropped of to sleep except one
simple-minded boy seated in the or.
gan loft.
ga stih.necked and pervairse gen.
Grafton shouted the mir 'eter. 'Ye'er
feet ha ta'en hold on the Dad that
leads doom to hell. Ye'er eyes are
blinded and ye'er ears are deaf. and
ye'er desh Is cen glen over to the
Evil One, for there is not >of you
all in this house Of worship ,uat is
not asleep, exceptin' for the bit lad.
die in the organ lift
"'Ye're RIGHT, pairson,' said that in.
dividual in reply, and I'd be asleep
myself III were not daft"
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
One on tho Proofroono,

There are few words in the un.
abridged dictionary that have not at
some time invaded the proofroom of
this office, but ono came in the other
day, an utter stranger. 1t was in the
body Of an astronomical article.
This beats me-" said proofreader
No. to the copyholder. Lets see
the copy"
There 1t was written in with
heavy hand in the blacklist of black
ink.
TITS got more legs than a spider"
said the proofreader. Only six letters
in the word. and five of 'em below the
line.
There 1t was syzygy-three OF the
six letters are VS..
What does the blooming word
mean?" asked the copyholder. The
proofreader for the first time in many
moons declined to give an opinion.
The dictionary was consulted. "Syz.
ygy-the point of an orbit. as of the
moon or a planet at which 1t is in con-
junction or opposition" The word Is
pronounced sizz-e-gee.
Sounds like the cracker to q COL
lege YELL" said the proofreader as no
closed the book.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
UTILIZING the Cattle.

One Of the young men attached to
the American embassy at London
brought back with him story that
has to do with a feature of the Duffer.
In estate, near Belfast-a historic ruin
In the shape Of a castle that had been
stronghold of the O'Neils.
1t appears that one day Lord Duff.
erin visited it with his steward, one
Mulligan, and that he drew a line
with his walking-stick round it, at the
same time instructing the steward
to build protecting wall on that line.
Then Dufferin went to the continent.
feeling quite secure as to the preser.
walton Of the historic feature. Upon
his return to Ireland he visited the es.
tate. The castle was gone. He rub
bed his eyes and looked again. Then
be sent for Mulligan. where's the
castle?" he asked.
"The castle, me lord? Sure, I pull.
cd It down to build the wall with"
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
Apt Reply.

A laborer contracted with a farmer
to work during the summer, but he
tired Of tho Job and walked OF.
Later he returned and demanded
the balance of his pay. The farmer
had been unable to get another hand,
all being engaged elsewhere, and he
claimed his crop was injured from
lack of attention more than the wages
due amounted to. and he refused to
pay him.
The laborer sued him. but lost the
case. He was very angry, and openly
said he would get even.
The farmer owned bunch Of fine
cattle and was amazed and Indignant
one morning to find their tails had
been cut of. He sued the laborer and
brought witnesses who had heard him
threaten revenge. but the evidence
was circumstantial and the case was
dismissed for want Of proof. Later
the farmer and a neighbor were look
ing at the cattle, and the farmer re-
marked he did not know what to do
with them.
WELL" said the neighbor, IT think
you better dispose Of them by whole
sale, for It is certain you can never
retail them."-Norman IL Mack's Ma
tional Monthly.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
New Workers. DESIGN Accented.


The Perry Memorial commission
has approved the design Of ]. H. Fried.
lander Of New York for a permanent
memorial at Put-in-Bay, O., to com.
memorate the centennial Of Perry's
victory at Lake Erie, which will be
celebrated In 1913. Mr.. Friedlander
received highest honors in competi.
ton in which fifty-fcur designs were
received. and the award carries with
1t contract to supervise the erec.
ton of the memorial. upon which
100000 will be expended. The memo.
rial will be in the form of a Doric
column, 800 feet high, with spec.
tators' gallery and light at the top.
1t will stand on a plaza. at one end Of
which will be historical museum,
while at the other end will be erected
q building to symbolic the 100 years
Of peace which have prevailed be-
tween the United States and England.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
What Caused the Cheering.

Secretary Knox's experience with
the Central American crowd was not,
as he supposed, cheering for him, but
applauding local idol in his party.
recalls the story told by sportsman
who went fishing last summer on the
Pecos river.
Leaving the train at Glorietta, he
took wagon for Windsor's ranch. It
was long. hard pull for 81 miles, and
the sportsman looked eagerly for the
resort long before it came into view.
Finally the wagon rounded a point,
and Windsor's ranch was revealed be-
low. Almost as soon as 1t appeared
the wagon in turn was discovered
from the ranch. Some Is or 20 men
boiled out of the cabins, and a tre-
mendous cheer arose in the valley.
The sportsman was at once puzzled
and flattered.
Great Scott" he exclaimed. els
that for me?"
The driver clapped on the brakes
and reared back on the lines.
"F'or you?" he laughed. mot on
your life. I'm bringin' the boys ten
gallons o whisky!"-st Louis Post
Dispatch.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
Poisonous Snuff.

All sorts of odd ways Of being poi
soned by lead are recorded in medical
history: The man who regularly took
the first glass of beer each morning in
a saloon, the beer standing over night
in the lead pipe running from the key
to the bar spigot; the maid using the
first glass Of water from the tap sup
piled by lead service pipe; the
painter who ate his luncheon every
day with paint-covered hands; the
painter apprentice who slept in the
back room with the paint pals and
white lead kegs. It might reasonably
have been expected that the possible
tiles in the way of surreptitious lead
poisoning had been exhausted. Not
SO. It was recently discovered, after
the death Of woman who had been
suffering from a mysterious case OF
lead poisoning not affecting any other
members of her family that she was
an inveterate snuff taker. The snun
was examined and found to be badly
contaminated with lead from the foil
In which It was wrapped.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
Willing to Accommodate.


A New York Justice got Jolt the
other day, and he is telling the story
Of 1t yet. He said that late one after.
noon he gave case to a Jury and that
it was 1880 o'clock the following morn.
ing before the jury agreed upon a
verdict.
II waited for tho verdict" said the
Justice, ''and after It was returned I
told the Jurors that as It was possible
that most of them were married men
II they desired I would give to each
certificate that he had been detained
until 4:30 o'clock In the morning ON
jury service.
"The Jurors consulted together for
few minutes" continued the Justice,
land then the foreman arose and
said: 1--WE thank you for your consid.
Grafton and appreciate the kindness of
your offer and desire to say that II
your honor needs a certificate to the
effect that you were detained until
1870 o'clock in the morning waiting
for our verdict we will gladly so GER
tify.'"
The Justice hastily declined this
kind offer with thanks. and just az
hastily adjourned court-Law Notes.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
LAND Of DISTURBED sLvMBER
india Also 10 tho Abode Of tho Festive
Mosquito and the sleepy
Punl<ah-WaIIah.

You cannot circumvent the mosqui-
to as you can the ny. She has too
many brains, wherever she may stow
them. But she is frail and feeble on
the wing. and you can get her there.
For example, in India 1t is we'll known
that mosquitoes will not bite under
the punkah, therefore exiles In that
land Of the twelve plaques sleep un-
der a swishing punkah for the six
summer months. and under a mos
quito net for the rest OF the year, for
there is no closed season for mos.
quitoes In India. One sleeps as sweet
ly as may be in that hot. intermittent
gale. lulled by the creaking ropes as
the punlsah flops and says; sleeps
fairly we'll until the punkah-wallah,
who sits outside on your veranda and
pulls the punkah by string through
the wall, himself begins to doze, and
finally mods as the punkah flags, and
slowly, after a spasmodic Jerk or two,
sinks to rest. The hot air settles
down upon you. The mosquitoes set
tie down on you, too, not singly, but
in battalions. have counted seven
teen separate bites on single finger.
And then you wake. slowly, confused
ly, as souls will awake in purgatory,
wondering what is wrong. Finally
you awake enough to discover what
is wrong, and realize that the punkah
has stopped, and that in consequence
you are threatened with an accumu-
lation Of heat apoplexy malaria and
blood poisoning, complicated by ap.
preaching nervous prostration. You
might as we'll resign yourself and
make your will. But If you are un-
resigned and choleric you take cork
screw from the shelf, as the White
Knight said to Alice, and go to wake
him up for yourself. Then. for the
rest of that night and for several
nights to come the punkah blows a
gale. Or il you are diplomatic rather
than choleric you calculate that the
punkah-wallah has almost certainly
gone to sleep with the punkah-cord in
his fingers. You reach up in the mos.
quito-haunted dark for the slack of
the cord on your side of the wall, null
in the slack as cautiously as IL you
were playing a salmon in pool, not
punkah.wallah on veranda, and
when the cord is fairly taut you give
one long, quick pull that whirls the
punkah-wallah half way across the We.
randa, where he wakes in a cold
sweat, thinking the long-nailed de.
mons have got him at last. Your
soto voce remarks carry just that
meaning you b ,pe they have.-Har.
per's Weekly.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
A RockefeilAr Fake.

"1t's Rockefeller fake" said 9
Philadelphia broker, zone OF those in.
Vulnerable Rockefeller fakes that float
around the country. but. fake or not,
I'll tell it to you.
"John D. ESQ the fake runs) got 8
very suspicious looking cake by mail
the other day. He wrapped 1t up in a
newspaper and took 1t to chemist.
rs this likely to be poisoned? he
asked.
"'It certainly looks like a poisoned
cake to me- said the chemist. Leave
It here And he smelled 1t, then he
tasted and spat out a very tiny cur.
rant. Leave 1t here. Mr.. Rockefel.
Ter. I'll analyze It for you
allow luch will the analysis cost?'
""Ten dollars, SIR
"John D. bundled up the cake In
the newspaper again.
'Humph! he said, as he tucked It
under his arm. It'll be cheaper to try
Il On Archbold's cat"
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
Ono Buebear Of Family Life.

THE thing just hate about being
at home" said a young business wom-
an. "is that you never have anything
Of your own at home. Everything
seems to belong to the whole fam.
ily."
It is unfortunate that in many fam.
flies that the members are not
taught to respect each others prop.
erty or privacy. It adds to every day
annoyance and irritations to have
some one else write with your per-
sonal pen and spoil its point, or some
one else to borrow your new kimono,
or your last envelope, Just when you
need 1t yourself.
Family life would lose many OF its
bugbears II children In early life were
taught to respect each others private
belongings. II the home is to be
CHEEKY, pleasant and altogether worth
while there must be some restraint
put on the sense Of common property.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
TUNE THAT STIRRED M'KTNLEY
President Forgot habltuaI Dignity
When He Listened to the Famous
Air Of the South,

Leopold Bracony, an Italian sculp-
tor, once spent six weeks at the
White House engaged In modelling
bust of the late President Mckinley.
Engaged in similar work he has been
In close association with many famous
men, both in this country and in Eu-
rope. but he declares he never met
more kindly man than Mr.. Mckinley,
and at the same time more dignified
man.
"Only once" he said the other day,
during my long stay at the White
House did see the late president in
an attitude that was not digniiied, but
1t was only for an instant. We were
in room In the White House which
opened onto balcony. The presi-
dente was to address delegation OF
southern men and was waiting near
the door leading to the balcony for
the delegation to draw up in front. Be-
sides the president there were in the
room two army officers. Mrs. McIln-
ley and myself.
Presently we heard tho band that
"AO AOhNAA6 tA0 OCAc60L4Uus N1E. MC.
Kinley' threw back his shoulders,
stood erect and placed his hand upon
his breast between the buttons of his
frock coat and was ready to step out
at signal to be given him by one OF
the army officers when all was ready.
"The band drew closer and then the
air 1t was playing could be distin-
guished. 1t was Dixie When the
president heard the music he listened
intently q moment, and then, wav-
ing his arms in time to the music, he
began to pirouette around the room,
humming the air as he went.
Well, we'll, we'll, Williamv ex.
claimed Mrs. Mckinley. in seni-
humorous. semi-shocked tone. At once
Mr.. Mckinley stopped, assumed the
stately. dignified position that was his
habit. and then, getting the signal.
stepped out on the balcony with his
hand thrust into the breast OF his
coat"
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
WELCOME THE "GRAD"
SWEET coLLEolANs PRoMlsE DO.
MEsTIc REVOLUTION.
New Method Of DIsh-W Washing May 30
Only the Beginning Of Better Thlnns
Vast Fleld for Her lnpenu-
ity 10 Before Her.

there's something new under the
sun. after ALL" remarked the troubled
tourist. Here's q woman college grad.
uate who says the college woman can
devise new methods Of washing the
dishes.
If that's the case, then she's got
the helpful husband beaten a mile,
for up to the time Of this new discov.
cry he has had the record for new
methods Of dish-washins by the sim.
pie expedient OF turning the hose on
them. 1t was quick and fairly eff
cacious way Of disposing of a whole
tubful Of dishes at one fell swoop
and babe fair to revolutionize house
keeping methods. 1t was invented, I
think, by man whose wife left him
to tend the fiat while she took a two
weeks' vacation. Now, however, II the
college woman 10 out inventing new
dish-washing methods. mere man will
have to sidestep. His occupations
gone. I don't know what these new
dish-washing methods may be, but
my advice to bachelors is to put In
their applications at once to all senior
classes in women's colleges and try
to get a wife and a new dish-washing
method at one and the same time.
AS dish juggler the sweet girl
graduate ought to lead the world.
1T seems to me that the college
woman of today is going in the do
mestic field. It looks like a soft
thing for her husband. He won't have
to settle a single dispute. All he'll
settle will be the bills. The high cost
Of living needn't worry him in the
least. Let his college wife settle that.
All he'll have to do Is to worry If he
is laid up and can't attend to his
Job. She'll 60 down to the Office and
settle the business for him. She'll
probably settle the blonde stenog-
rapher first, and attend to the details
later.
I see that up in York state a mail
carrier was unable to deliver his let.
tiers and his wife went out and cover
ed his district for him. There you
have it. That's just what the new
dish-washing college graduate wife is
going to do-because she can settle
everything.
If she has any doubt along about
election time that he isn't going to
vote the right way. she can promptly
lock him up and go out and vote for
him. If she thinks he's not up to his
usual form at cards she can keep him
at home and go take his place at the
club Saturday night.
If there's to be any sitting up with
a sick friend she can do 1t for him,
and spare him the long visit. / paint.
ed this happy future to a cynical bach
elor friend Of mine and the only com.
ment I could get him to make was
Wake up, you're in Boston, "-Hous.
ton Press.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
All Have Beginning and End,

A sun is like living organism; It
wears out. 1t maintains itself and its
planets while its radiant power lasts.
but it cannot do so forever. It con.
tracts, flickers, struggles. fades and
goes eut. Its lifetime is millions of
years, but 1t has an end. Let us &C.
count &c a mere nothing" cried Bos.
suet, everything that ends. for, though
we should multiply years beyond the
reach of numbers. yet all would be
nothing when the fatal term is reach.
ed"
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
MIRACLE OF SLUMBER
BEST OF ALL MEDICINES, AZ
WELL As CHEAPEST.
American Nervousness, So Prevalent
a Complaint, 10 Charged to tho
Habit Of Doing Without Sum.
Client Natural Rest.

The railroad man who had been 80
hours without sleep was good natured
about It, though 1t was evident that he
was verging on a nervous condition
that might we'll render him incompe-
tent. There is an occasional person
who can dispense with sleep In an
astonishing manner, the New York
Mail observes. Yet it is not certain
that such persons really do escape the
penalty. It has been asserted that
Napoleon's later failures Of Judgment
were the result Of an unnerving that
followed his earlier -four hours
enough" sleep. which he boosted and
practiced.
It Is being said by medical observ-
ers that the American nervousness"
Is not little attributable to the So
:ial day demand, the hours after busi-
aess, directly cut down from the sleep
segment of the "a hour day. It is
probably true that no other country is
80 exacting on the full business day.
That we insist on. It must begin
promptly and early. But the social
demand is quite as imperative. Shall
not a man go out with his wife in the
evening, after she had been left alone
all day?
She is quite ready. She took nap
after lunch, at the very hour he was
busiest downtown. The church is run
by the evening meetings. So is poll
tics. And 1t may be said that we spend
our money mostly in the evening, ex-
cept what the women spend in the
shops. Can man take time for sleep
when he is spending his money? No
more than when he is earning it. The
result is that there Is always lack of
sleep.
There is no medicine like sleep.
There Is such a miracle wrought by
sleep, changing our fears into hopes,
our desponden1y into courage, our
thickheadednes into clear vision, that
1t is shameful to put sleep aside. The
wine Of longest vintage cannot illumin.
ate the soul like a full nights sleep,
and the wine is so costly and the
sleep SO cheap! The high cost of liv-
ing has touched about everything, but
it has not raised the price Of sleep.
We have all made SO many blum
ders by decisions when the windows
Of the mind were darkened by fatigue
that we should learn the lesson. 1t is
sleep that wipes away the mists. Teach
the children the value Of sleep. In
sist on ''early to bed" Get back to
the Puritan habit, which certainly
made giants. There is too much go.
ing on evenings for the children. II
is very largely the cause of the $50.
cial unrest" of which we complain
too little sleep twenty years ago and
since.
The Irish standard., 1912-04-06
Couldn't Fool Him,

"Sir," faltered the Office boy; kin
I git of to go an see the hockey game
this afternoon.
The boss looked at him sharply.
Then he brought his fist down hard on
the desk.
moi" he shouted, decisively. "You
kids try to fool me. You ask to get
of to see hockey game, and the first
thing we know you are sneaking away
to 60 to your grandmothers' funerals.
No! You stay right here and work."