The Washington times., 1912-06-09
CONVENTION SIDELIGHTS

They are circulating story that
George Ade brought to town the other
day, and told, apropos of the political
situation of the Republican party. 1t
deals with the tired business man; hur-
ries home after bad day, worn out; gets
into gown and slippers and plants self
in front of fire with evening paper; all
ready for comfortable evening. II
Enters wifey.
John, what are you doing there?
Don't you know we're going downtown
to dinner and then to the grand opera
tonight? Don't stop to say a word,
now; Just hurry into your clothes;
there's barely time"
Hubby hurries away; business of
groaning and swearing under breath.
Gets into clawhammer togs Takes
wifey to the car which is waiting.
Car starts for hotel Hubby doesn't
say a word. Arrived at hotel, he or
ders and eats; not a word except to
waiter.
Hurries to opera, hubby still remem-
bering not to say a word. After four
hours of heavy music they re-enter car.
Hubby rubs frost off window and looks
steadily out at the atmosphere and the
architecture. Not word said.
Reaching home, he steps out to find
the pavement covered with ice. He
word has been said thus far. WHEY
pulls her skirts around her, takes his
hand. and as she starts to step out he
breaks the evenings silence.
BE careful, dearie, when you step
out, or you'll fall and break your ever
la sting blankety fool neck"
And that's the way with the Taft
management in this crisis-so the prac-
tical application of this story goes It's
and the weather usable. But the side
walks around Convention Hall are COW
cred with Ice. and the warming Is being
passed along the line to be careful,
dearie, or youll fall and break your
fool neck"
Angus McSween, Washington corre-
spondent of the Philadelphia North
American, has been handing this one
to the Taft folks who start persihage
about the political situation:
You fellows make me think of the
mouse that found some drippings from
whisky barrel, and wet his feet in 'em.
He licked off his paws, and liked 1t: He
wet em and licked 'em again, and kept
at II till he had accumulated fine
young jag. suddenly he got bold, stood
UP Oh Ills hilu ieBS' ""'eo hi' aim "'
say, somebody show me the cat
that was looking for me awhile back
And that's the way with you Tafters.
from these political drippings that leak
out of the national committee barrel
and some other barrels-to make you
think you want to eat up the cat. The
YOU don't get sober and take to your
hole, she'll have you swallowed before
you know she's in town"
The saddcst sight in this community
Is Lafayette Young, late Senator from
Iowa for fifteen or twenty minutes.
Colonel Young they call him in some
party. not for any military reason, but
because It's nice to be called COLONEL"
and Lafe likes 1t. Why not? It's just
AS short as mister" and pleases him
better.
However, he was willing TO give up
the military handle when he acquired
the distinction of a Senatorial title.
The governor of Iowa appointed him.
and he served a few weeks, till the
legislature met and elected a young
man named Kenyon. 1t was an incon-
siderate thing 10 do. for Kenyon was q
mere boy. Young promptly announced
himself a candidate for Endorsement at
the primary, as against Kenyon. The
primary was held last Monday, and the
Kenyon majority is yet uncounted. It
probably will always be printed with
an asterisk and an estimated" foot
note 1t is somewhere between 10000
and 100000; nobody seems 20 take
enough interest to go on counting any
longer.
1t was sorry shock for Senator
Colonel Young. and just as soon as he
had learned that he had lost by an
almost unanimous vote he climbed Oh
a railroad train and rumbed away to
this town, with his gloom and such
part of his crouch as could be handled
by one locomotive. He brought the
consignment OF sorrow to Chicago, in
the hope of forgetting the ingratitude
OF republics-and RepubliCans-in con-
temptation of the exciting diversions
of the national convention fight.
But he hasn't been permitted to for
get. Everybody he sees-and he mas
been going to conventions so long that
almost everybody knows and recog-
niZps him-promptly demands:
well, Senator. what are the latest
returns from your primary? It's been
held. hasn't it?"
The late Senator groans volubly. :.
"Don't know a thing about 1t haven
had a word from the State. I'm nero