Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1912-04-05

{ VELVET = RAGS
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{ BY LUE +. VERNON

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(,Mplv,ouAL op,n,oM)
{ BY LUE +. VERNON
A~~~~~>U~A
Truly, it must be very pleasing to
William Jennings Bryan to know that
so many of his ideas had been adopted
BY the Republican party.
The most active. enthusiastic work.
ers, boosters and claquers - those
who are overly anxious and really de-
sire to see Taft nominated, are Fed
eral ice-holders.
A Mutual Massage Club" for
smoothing out one another's wrink-
les. has been started by Chicago spin
sters. 20, ye giddy old maids.
why don't you try to be good, be
gOOd?"
A New York man tackled his will,
disposing of $25O,OOO worth of prop
erty. on the bottom of q washtub.
He evidently knew one place where
the members OF his family were not
likely to look.
There are two reasons why you
should not interrupt an editor when
he is writing. One is that it is apt
to put him out; the other is, you
might get put out yourself, especially
it he has got heavy shoes on.
The I. w. VS., are causing no end
Of trouble. Look at the faces of q
group of these l. w. Ws, and you can
guess the rest-the red flag and an
archy. Whenever those foreigners
hoist tie red flag of murder and plum
der for revenue only. they should.
themselves, be hoisted to the nearest
telephone pole.
The editor of newspaper in East
ern Washington says: Statistics
prove that only one out of every ten
female college graduates ever get
married." No doubt. in my mind;
but what if the figures are correct?
A man is naturally shy of marrying
q woman who can talk in more than
one language.
Mr.. Starfish: why did you fail
to recognize me on the street to-
day?"
Mrs. Klam: Il didn't see you."
Mr.. Starfish: That's strange;
l saw you twice"
Mrs. Klam: "Oh, that probably
accounts for it. l never notice 9
man in that condition"
Mrs. Taft, in proving a Nemesis
to those Black hand" detectives ol
Philadelphia, thus being the means
Of sending them to the federal prison
at T1eavenworth. Kan.) proves her.
self far superior in jailing law-break-
ers, than does her distinguished hus-
band-William Howard Taft, Presi.
dent of the United States.
The average man goes to pieces
on one Of two rocks. Either young
women or old whisky" says an ex-
change. How about the Charming
young widow l met on the train, +"
the grass or any sort of widow? As
for whisky, what's the matter with
the cliffs OF absinthe, morphine, CO.
caine, opium, ETC., so to speak.
George P. Bible, in Tacoma, the
other Sunday afternoon. told the
men of the Y. M. G. A. of that city
that: Being real pious on Sunday
and being mean to your family six
days OF the week will not get you to
Heaven. Most reasonable words.
it seems to me, though emanating
from an earthly-physical version Of
Bible.
Recently read in magazine an
article: How to Tell the Age Of an
Oyster. 1t is my candid opinion
the writer OF the article could have
employed his time far better had
he got up Q scheme for ascertaining
the date Of an oysters death. l
tried to swallow one the other night,
which I am satisfied died two weeks
before.
Whom Goldfish, sassiety, all on the
surface, working -for-a-salary young
man, is told by his employer that his
service is not needed. he (the young
MANI informs his associates that be
has resigned. When an honest.
truthful. young man belonging to the
lower five" class of humanity, and
who works for wages, is told by his
employer that his service is not
needed, he (the young MANI informs
his associates that he got fired.
A certain liquor firm in Seattle ad-
vertise what it terms better times"
whisky. As the whisky seems very
young in age. one may excuse its
ignorance, as it were in prophesy-
ing better times" at present. There
will be no better times" in the
United States, until Uncle Sam elects
o Democratic president, which, it
the signs of the times may be taken
as indicating the way political straws
are blowing, he is much inclined to
do.
Col. Roosevelt says. in speaking Of
the primary election in New York
city: ION some of the huge ballots
the Roosevelt delegates were at the
bottom of the ticket and the ballots
were folded in such way as to make
it practically impossible for the
voters to refold them in case they
opened them up in order to find
where the Roosevelt delegates were. !"
The "Col." should not expect the
common voter to be the equal of the
Chinese in solving puzzles. And if o
fourteen foot ballot, after being fold
ed, would not puzzle even the devil,
l miss my guess.
The P.-L. says: LAS between q
robust donkey willing to work, and
the elephants skeleton, it would not
be hard for the intelligent man to
make q choice. Roosevelt Republi-
cans should think it over" Iopine
from reading news dispatches each
day. that intelligent Roosevelt Re-
publieans have thought lit over"
long ago, and delight in preferring
the elephants skeleton" knowing
it an emblem of strength--there be-