Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1912-10-09
DEPEW WOULD
MAKE FORTUNE
AS COMEDIAN
Famous After Dinner Speeches
and Some Anecdotes Related
by Great Entertainer

What a fortune that man might
have made as story teller on the
stage! l would offer him $1,000 a
night for a ten minutes turn if 4
thought it would De any use 1t was
an enterprising .ew York music hall
manager who ..I?oke, and the man he
referred to was Mr.. Chauncey VI. De
pew, rightly termed the worlds best
story teller Seeing, however, that
Mr. Depew is a director of tnrty-fOur
railway companies. one might safely
come to the conclusion that the offer
would not be any USE"
America is proud of Depew, ana has
every reason to be so. He is not only
one of the shrewdest business men in
the United States, but clever lawyer,
a skillfull politician and an orator
who has few equals. Furthermore, he
Is born humorist.
''After-dinher speeches" he said re-
Gently, lis not on art, it is a gift. A
nan once acme to me and said: I see
how you make your speeches. 1t is
quite easy. | noticed you tonight.
First, you played with your cigar. but
do not light it; that caught the at
tention of the listeners. Then you
threw the cigar down, while making a
gesture; that fixed their attention.
Lastly you put your thumb in your
waistcoast pocket and everybody lean
ed forward and thought you were go
ms to bring out notes; that held their
attention. All right said. You get
your cigar and look after your thumb
and you will be a great speaker.
The Spotted Dog.
Depew has received many compli-
rlents on his skill in after-dinner
speaking, but the naiVest compliment,
he says, came from an upstate farm
er. Senator" he said, you may
have typhoid and recover; you may
have pneumonia and recover, you
may have yellow fever and recover;
but if you ever got lockjaw, you'll
bust"
One of Depew's best stories is the
story of the spotted dog, which as a
boy he bought from local dog dealer.
The next day it was raining" he
said, land l took the dog out into the
woods, but the rain was too much for
him. 1t washed the spots Off | trot-
ted the dog back to the dealer. LOOK
at this animal / said The spots
have all washed off, Great guns,
boy!' he replied, there was an UNI
brella went with that dog. Didn't you
get the umbrella?'" -
"a Depew says his father was frugal
and saving man, who never approved
of wasting anything, including time
"One night he wet to a prayer meet
ing. The brethren were backward
After long wait my father rose and
said:
est is a shame to waste all this val
liable time. Will not some brother
tell his experiences
mo one rose, and my father con-
tinued: Will some one lead us in
prayer
There was no response to this ap-
peal, and my father said: In that case
will improve the time by making a
few observations on the tariff
Chicken Coop Tale.
1t was Depew who spoke thus to the
young men: IF you are married you
will have just as much time as if you
were single-if you know how to find
it. / have known men to pick up lib
eral education while waiting for their
wives to get ready to go out"
Another popular story which Depew
tells is that concerning a mau in
the west who ordered a patent chick
en- coop. The railroad was a small
one, and on the day the coop was ex-
pected to arrive he set out with a dray
to fetch it from the freight Office. He
reached the railroad station, which he
had never seen before; no one was in
sight, but there was the chicken coop,
and with a mans help he soon had it
on the dray and set off home again. A
hundred yards or so down the road he
met a man in blue uniform. Hey,
there!" said the chap, excitedly, what
the dickens Shave you got on that
dray?" my new chicken COOP" was
the reply. Chicken coop be hanged!
That's Muddy junction"
A mass state convention of Repub-