Connecticut western news., 1912-11-21
Corinthv Monolcgue.

glad to see ye. Yes. I'm jest back frum the North and POIe, came from Barrin'- ton down Ou the trolly this afternoon, an thought I'd jest step i'll an ask ye to put u lot ill the paper about me and my trip. Seems to me I'm a distin- tinguished traveller now. an Ort to be noticed sum. Everybody in the world, from the babies up, Is screamin' fer at- tentiOn Eow-days an 1 tho't I'd jest run up to the North pole so as to get in my scream-yeS, thank ye, will set down it's wonder you tho't to ask me. How d 1 come to go so fur North? Waal, it's allus so hot election time round in this section an 1 get SO sick of the bull thing concernin' politicks, thet 1 tho't I'd go where twas quiet an coolI
 How do ye like this fire red suit of minc and this red hat? Yes 'tis pritty gay fer perfessor uv religion, an I don't qulte like the name of the color-carnal red, believe they call it-but 1 don't know but it's cardamon red, after all. Ennyhow, 1 choosed it cause 1 tho't it looked warm an 'twnuld be likely to scare the walrusses an bears away rum me if they should see me cummin' over the ice fields an snow. I scairt the Eskymo's-they tho't I'd cum to paint the town red or the North Pole, an kept night watchman round that pole night and day while I staid up there. Twas long time fore they let me see the pole, nigh to it. an when 1 at last stood OH the sacred spot where Peary and Cook strove an wrastled to see which could hit the pole first I wuz ! overcome with shivers an emotion.
 The snow is all tromped up where them tellers fought to be It. Bein' so i cold up there them footprints won't ever thaw out an they've put up railin' round that Cook and Peary stampin' ground to keep folks off the snow. IN'Eootprints i'll the snows of time" I sed sollumly, ez I leaned over the railin' l should jedge both men wore a number l II shoe-How did the pole look? Why good deal like the Canaan High school flag pole only little higher up p'raps owein' to the naturally higher elevation probably. It stands leanin' like the tower of Pizy; an a Eskymo gentleman friend-no ain t blushing neither!-told me thet when Peary or Cook, or Cook or Peary grabbed it first, he-whicheyer he it wuz-pulled it to one side My how they must hev fit There's a wreath of excelsior twined round the top O the pole an it aint what I call a sootable inscription. 1 never could see why that young feller ill the poem car ried banner uv excelsior while he wuz climbin' It's cheep mizzerable lookin' stuff
 clim oyer the railin' one day when the watchman had gone to get a cold lunch, an nailed "Votes Fer Wimm- en" on that air North Pole I stepped careful so ez not to disturb Cook an Peary's cold an frozen footsteps-What did have to eat an where did board ? Oh. boarded at place called The Cook s | both on 'em want nothin' but igloos as to the eatin', it was mostly cold vit- tals, tho sometimes 1 had hot meal, billed crackers an hot snow with now an then billed snow an hot crackers fer variety. Peary's to me the Cook want first-class
 Wa'al I must be gettin' hum Canaan wimmen haln't got nothln' on me now
 When them suffragists begin too much talk about what they've done for the cause I'm goin to speak up and say "Ye hain't nailed Votes Fer Wimmin up on the North Pole" I guess that'll hold em fer while. Then when hear the sassiety bunch tellin' what they seen and heard over ter Twin Lakes or down on the Camp Ground this summer, I'm going to say, "Oh, l wisht you all could have seen the Aurory BOry Alices shoot up the sky and dance round the North | Role. Them performances at the May haywee theeater to BGrrin ton amt a patch on en-" I guess thatn squelch Vh0 eaoel0uJ ouhCH' DIu ye B6G GudG box O North pole icicles I sent ye for sooveneer? What you didn't? Oh, you got the box all right but there want nothin in It but a faded wreath of excelsior? Plague on it! Them icicles must melted. Wa'al you may keep the wreath. Good day.
 I forgot to tell ye wisht you'd put that write-up on the first page III big headlines, and don't fergit to describe my cardemon red hat an suit.
 Taft Train Strikes Man