Semi-weekly herald., 1912-07-15
Their Narrow
Escapes

wife's cousin downtown TO Duy pres-
ent for my wife, and, of course, she
was late / got tired standing In the
store entrance, where We were to find
each other, so l started down the
street to meet her. In the crowd saw
her coming and she was at her old
tricks-carrying her handbag tucked
carelessly under one arm, ready to
tumble out or be grabbed.
Keeping my eye on the bag, I re-
solved to give Emma the jolt Of her
life and scare her into fit of COM
mon sense. Just as / got in front OF
her | reached out and took the hand
bag. Then looked at her triumphant
ly, condescendingly, accusingly. At
least, / started out with the intention
of crushing her with that sort OF
gaze, but | never completed 1t, because
well, you see, 1t wasn't Emma!
at was, however, perfectly good
imitation of her and she was both
scared to death, hopping mad and
ready for Mysteries. There was one
awful second when she opened her
lips to scream and at that instant the
crossing policeman looked ten feet
high to me and fierce in proportion.
In the last panic of desperation
grabbed her arm so hard that 1t hurt
her so she couldn't yell and pleaded
for my life l gasped out that 1t was
mistake and she Indignantly as
sured me it certainly was, the biggest
mistake of my life. but that that was
what they all said when they got
caught.
81 assured her that I thought she
was my Cousin Emma and she looked
at me scornfully. She was beginning
to get back her breath and her cour-
age. She said no doubt Cousin Emma
was a most estimable person, but she
didn't thank me for taking her for the
cousin of pickpocket and opened her
mouth again to scream. l think I
shook her then-at any rate, her
scream was lost. l never before talk
ed SO fast in my life or so much. 1t
was like having three seconds before
the drop was sprung to say all I
wanted to say told her all about my
great-grandfather who was in the Rev.
olutionary war and the new house I
was building and how respectable the
club were to which / belonged and
how l had credit at all the stores.
Either l led her to think l was in
sane and dangerous or else my piteous
gaze reused spark of humanity In
her. because by the time the crowd
had drawn the policeman to us she
quite snapped at him and told him
nothing was the trouble and to 60
back to waving his hand at automo-
| oiles and let her manage her own af-
| fairs. Anyhow, she let me stink
away without raising any row. I'm
still shaking!"
81 expect she didn't mind so much,
because she'd spent all her money for
Christmas, and there wasn't anything
In the pocket book" said one of the
I other men. I'm not precisely breath
J less over your very narrow escape,
because / had one that was so
much worse a short time ago. Say,
! couldn't blind man with his head
In sack tell from one brief glance
at me that l am respectable, strait
I laced family man? Could any one ever
mistake me for a gay and roistering
blade. or does any one exist who would
dream of accusing me OF flirting7
well, the other night / WAS t1Klng
| my wife and Jones' wife downtown to
dinner. Jones was to Join us at the
! cafe. l stopped to buy paper and the
! women walked on ahead. 1t was ter.
ribly crowded on the streets that time
OF the evening, and my wife is so used
to being looked after that I was
afraid she would walk under an auto.
mobile or sit down and rest on tho
car tracks or something, 80 tore after
them. l caught up Just as my wife
stepped OF the sidewalk to the cross
Ing. Slipping my hand under her ell
bow, l leaned over close and said dis
tinctly-oh, most distinctly-'Be osre-
full, dearie. about crossing the
street!'"
Wasn't 1t your wife?"
"Of course not!" shouted the man
who was telling the story. Its never
your wife in situation like that!
Say. the things that woman said
to me then and therel The memory of
them wakes me up in the night and
they make frescoes all over any wall
l look att What did do? What can
man do when a woman possessil q
a fne and fluent command Of English
and plenty Of time starts in to relat q
her opinion Of him to his face? II
sasped like a goldfish on land and
turned pea green and maybe got
down on my knees to her and prayed
I'm not sure.
MY wife and Mrs. Jones were al
block ahead and was glad they were.
because my wife eis-er-excitablaL d
didn't want to have to explain to her,
too.
Nothing on this earth would have
Aaved me from being handed over to
the policeman by that woman II a
passing truck horse hadn't chewed her
hat under the impression that tbs
green leaves on It were real. In the
excitement took to my heels. Iran
As though had robbed the bank and
had five minutes too few to oatoh the
train.
Then my wife made mo take BIT,
cor tonic three times day for q week.
because I had no appetite for dinner,
A.