davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23
COMF0RTED THE LADIES.
A Marshal of France Who Was Hero,
a Gallant and q Dandy.


a Gallant and Dandy.
Blaise de Montluc was u soldier and
q marshal of France who fought
through half the sixteenth century.
Like true Gascon. as lie was. he add
ed to his great physical qualities cour.
age. high spirits and unquenchable
gayety.
In the italian wars Blaise de Mont
luc commanded the defense of Sienna
during a prolonged siege. When the
town was reduced to a few ounces Of
bread daily Blaise was overcome with
sickness and had himself carried about
in chair muffied up in furs-
But perceiving that the inhabitants.
especially the women. were thus rem
dered apprehensive OF their fate should
he desc runs an excerpt from De
MontIue's Commentaries" called
for pair of crimson velvet breecbes
laid over with gold lace. very finely
cut. for they were made at n time
when he was forsOoth in love. He put
on a doublet OF the same and a shirt
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23

Tuesday In

lake region. Areas Of high pressure
are central over Virginia and southern
Idaho and the latter high is accom-
panied by temperatures only slightly
above zero il the middle and southern
portions Of the Rocky mountain re-
gion. Because of this distribution o.
air pressure, generally cloudy and
somewhat colder weather is indicated
for this vicinity tonight, followed by
fair weather Tuesday and Wednesday.
OBSERVATIONS
High. Low. Prep.
Atlantic City ..... 40 26 90
Boston ...... sc 80 90
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23
knaw the Symptoms.

Doctor my husband Is losing his
mind, l fear. He continually mumbles
and mutters to himself
SIS it possible?"
"Yes; he mutters TO himself, and
when you speak to him he stares at
you blankly."
II know what the trouble Is" said
the doctor. smiling. He is memorizing
some lodge work. belong to the same
lodge louisville Courier-Journai.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23
soAFD OF TRADE TRANSACTIONS.

'oAED OF TRADE TRANSACTIONS
Wheat.
December. SGi4, Sos, Sc, SG5s.
May, 81. 90, 80, 91B.
July. SIS, $50, S7%4, SSSs.
Corn.
December, 4S1s, 4S12, 477s, 4SlA.
May 4S%, 40. 4S9s, 40.
July. 49i5, 49&, 40 49%.
Oats.
December. SO. 3Sls, 327s, 1875.
May. 33Is. 23i4. 33ls. S3ls.
July, 33i2. 1872, 1895, 1885.
Pork.
January. 17.45. 1900, 1890. 1892.
May. 1912. 1922, 1910, 1920.
Lard.
January. $50, 9.95, $50. 992.
May. 9.95, 1000, 9.92, 9.97.
Ribs.
January. 972. 9.77. go, 9.77.
May. 9.75, $50, 9.72. e.77.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23
Milk and Ministers,

MIX became very important part
of the food of families In the colonial
days of the eighteenth century. in
1928 discussion took place in the
Boston newspapers as to the expense
of keeping family Of "middling tig-
ure." These writer's nlI Pamed Only
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23

A sprained ankle will usually dis.
able the injured person for three or
four weeks. This is due to lack OF
proper treatment When Chamber.
Iain's Liniment is applied a cure may
ba effected in three or four days. This
uniment is one of the best, and most
remarkable preparations in use, Sold
by all -(AdvertisemenC.y
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23
TOday'S Market Quotations

Potatoes, SOC to Coo.
Cabbage, lie per pound
Onions, COO per bushel.
feed and Fuel.
Forage-Timothy hay. $40.
Oats, 34c to Csc.
Straw, SO.
Corn, new, 40c to 42c.
Coal-Lump, per ton. 50. Is; slack,
steady.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23

bread and milk for breakfast and sup
per- AS cows increased In number.
milk. of course. became more frequent
~ used. Rev. Mr. Higginson in 1890
wrote that milk cost In Salem but a
penny a quart, while another minis
ter. John Cotton. said that milk and
ministers were the only things cheap
In New England.-American Cultivator.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23
heavy 1000 .45, rough 7.OO@715.
Cattle 10000; 1Oc higher.
Sheep $4,000: 10c higher.

heavy 7.OOd745, rough 7.OO9715.
Cattle 10000; 1Oc higher
Sheep $4,000; 1Oc higher.
Nine O'clock Market.
Hogs strong; sc up Light $500
1856. bulk 7.2Oq745, mixed 7.OO@745,
pigs 5.OO66.S5, heavy 7OOq74.5, good
7159Z45, rough 7.OOG715, Workers
7.25G73O.
Cattle 1Oc higher. Beeves 5.5O@9.S0,
stockers 425Q74O, Texans 4.5O65.75,
cows 275Q7.6O westerns 5.S5d $50.
calves 6.5Od1O.O0.
Sheep $4,000; strong. Natives 1000
$50 lambs 59OdS25, westerns 40
d5.25, lambs G.35dS.2O.
Close Of Market.
Hogs slow ;5c up. Light G.90Q 7.35,
bulk 7.20d7.40, heavy 7.0067.45, rough
7OOG7.15, mixed ZOO67.45.
Cattle strong; 10c up; top $50
Sheep 1Oc 20 15c higher; top 525.
Lambs ole to 15c higher; top S.25.
Western Live Stock.
Hogs. Cattle. Sheep.
Kansas City ...... $500 1000 5000
Omaha ........ 1900 1900 1900
Estimated Chicago Tomorrow.
Hogs. Cattle. Sheep.
Chicago ........ $4,000 1000 2O,O0C
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23

Many persons find themselves at
fected with a persistent cough after
an attack of influenza. AS this cough
car be promptly cured by the use Of
Chamberlain's Cough Remedy, it
should not be allowed to run on until
it becomes troublesome Sold by all
6ruggists.-( ADVERTISEMENT
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23
Unnecessary instructions.

"Now. Tommy" said his mother. CIV
ing her final instructions before he left
for the party, remember, IL you're
asked to have something you want
you must say. Yes. thank you.' and
If You don't want it,
Tommy raised his hand. That's all
right. ma" he said: You needn't both
err about that part of it,"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23
LOCAL MARKET CONDITIONS.

LOCAL MARKET CONDITIONS.
Dec. 23.-Following are the whole
sale quotations on the local market
today:
Butter. creamery, 361rc.
Dairy butter, soc
Lard. 1870 per pound.
Fresh eggs, 27lac.
Storage eggs, 20c.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23

CBy wire from Z. W. Wagner g. CO.,
Grain, Provisions, Stocks and Cotton.
.ocal Offices AT Rock Island house, Rock
Island, III. Chicago offices, 9S-99-lOO.
BOaiu OF Trade. Local telephones, No.
west 800
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23
THE GRAIN MARKET.
Chicago Cash Grain.

wheat-No. T 1O914q11O1a. No.
T 1O4d1.O7, No. S9GsS, No. 3 h
S7dsO. No. / ms 5000, No. 2 ms IS
Gss. No. ms s5Gs7, No. 2 spg $50
ssh, No. 3 spg s4dS7, No. spg so
6S4.
Corn-No. 46d47, No. 3 W 47izh
4Il4, No. 5 y 4615q4s, No. 4 441s G46,
No. W 46Q46a4. No. 4 y 44kG46.
Oats-No. 2 W 35@3517, No. 3 W
3SdS3A, No. W 33d334, standard
SsdS4h.
Liverpool Cables.
Wheat opened u of; closed 3-S
of.
Corn opened unchanged; closed S-S
10 SIS up.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23

AL the news all the time.-Ths
Argus.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-12-23

LIVE STOCK MARKET.
Opening Of Market.
Hogs $4,000; sc higher; left S,476.
Light 6.s0GTS5. mixed 7.0047.45,
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03
The Manicure Lady

Them Aliens must be awful folks.
George" said the manicure lady. Il
seen where they are up IN them noun
tain fasteners, whatever they call them.
think that folks like that amt TT to
live"
"Let's talk this over careful. kldGo."
said the head barber. 1T seems to me
that there Is a lot OF people that amt
outlaws that hasn't got right 10 live.
have saw some manicure lassiea that
ought 10 be glad they are on earth.
The Aliens shot people. but lot OF YSu
girls shoot the bull"
your comedy is refreshing. George"
said the manicure lady. Every time
you open your mouth you say something.
That Is 20 say, George. you say some
thing or other. Most Of II 10 other. but
that doesn't matter TO me. All / in
sist on r. that I should be treated at all
times as a true gent should treat q Tea-
sonably true lady. But as was saying
about them Aliens. ! think they must
be awful folks. I'd hate to live In tina;
kind OF a country.
'swnfred Is all worked Up about the
Aliens, George. You see. there was a
time when wiifred was a little outside
the rale Of the law. whatever that Kind
Of pale Is. and ] think the poor boy
sympathized with them other outlaws.
bscase he has wrote 9 poem about them
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03

but the hairdrssser looked at the pie
lures with professionally critical eye"
Hum" she muttered. mot bsd-but
too classic still In that picture she has
thu plainest style Of hairdres.ing you
can get. It's called the Titus after
that vretched old classic emperor. Hair
parted On the nlidfle. with bangs. waved
70 stand out over the ears and . braided
knot at the back. The hair IL kept IN
place by a geld band with ornament
over the forehead.
Now the other picture is much bet
ter. Some arrangement In front but
three short. s. euris over the ears and
long -foIiow-me' lock over the shouI-
der. Bl& TX velvet band and cluster Of
gold ribbon roses. The same braided
knot at the back. Very good She
nodded spprovingly.
Lizzie. 20 get the wax figures out Of
the window. This Is it In Paris. AMI
I'm going to see IL II can't BE- IA here
before We hairdressers are baRxI9ns by
the classic coift.reS'
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03
The Unexpectedness of Things
BY DIR. FRANK CRANE.

Did you ever notice how things seem
TO Gomez Most OF your happiness you
did not get: Il was handed TO you: Il
just happened In and sat down. when
you were not looking for Il. The thing
you sweated and planned and yearned
to possess you missed. Your actual
gains are all by-products OF your will.
Naturally all the oalamities, defects
and sicknesses came; nobody ever went
after such things.
So your successes and failures, your
big griefs and joys. seem Just TO move
In on you. Indeed, the thing We get
tand brag Of. lying. as II II were by our
own efforO Is so different from the
thing we started for that life often
seems ludicrous. We have q feeling that
destiny Is amusing itself with us. And
II we have sense we can take joke
and enjoy the game.
Wasn't II this adventitious character
OF life. this moving Of events In cycles
and cplcyeles Of them own. this coming
around OF hearts desire and heart break
according 70 utterly unperceivsble laws.
this capricious dropping Into our lap OF
good and evil from out the sky-wasn't
II this phase OF nature that first led
men TO suspect the immortal gods1
Huxley guessed dreams TO be the origin
OF the idea OF ghosts and gods; Two ar
good n right TO guess a. he; this Is q
free country.
And II IA not tho same phase yet which
keeps alive superstition In little corners
Of our mind. by which we are led to say
Of palmlstry and astrology and table
rapplng that there may be something
In It; and whereby we are either curious
to 20 or afraid TO 90 tit's the same) 10
see oueenie. the Egyptian seeress, and
watch her deal the cards or throw a NJ.
and tell US that wo are going 10 take a
long journey and meet dark man?
As matter OF fact tho unexpected
ness Of events Is the large. rocky. stub
born fact And all depends upon hew
VIC adjust ourselves 10 H. Life is adj.
justment. Life Ia not what we make
It. II In how We take It. There's ar.
ference.
We can jump this way or that: we
can camp north or south OF tho great
fact, we can live on Its sunny or shady
side. But don't imagine for one fatuous
moment that We can bulge Il.
For instance, as to this great, dlspos-
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03
New Religious Order Appeals to Women
BY ELLA WHEELER WILCOX.

1t has been. for some decades. the
fashion to belittle all greatness in the
living and the dead.
Criticism has taken the place Of rev
erence, and rldicule has supplanted appre-
citation.
1t is a healthful and hopeful sign to
have a society formed which tends
toward the cultivation OF the art Of
appreciation of greatness. wherever
found. and the reverence for noble quail
ties In others.
How will Christ come back again.
How will He be seen, and when
Where His chosen way?
win He come at dead Of night.
Shining in His robes OF light,
Or at dawn Of day?
VIII It be at Christmas time
When the bells are all achime,
That He II reborn?
Or will He return TO bring
Wide and wondrous Weakening
on some Easter morn?
When will this sad world rejoice,
Listening 10 that golden voice
Speaking unto men?
lANt1 tuCtt Ouc WIN gtt HAuAA
Loud to startled passers by:
Christ has come againg'
List to the answer--christ Is here!
Seek and you shall find Him near,
Dwelling on the earth.
BY the worlds awakened thought
This great miracle Is wrought
This. the second birth.
While YOU wonder where and how
Christ shall come-behold him now,
Patient. loving. meek,
Looking from your neighbours eyes,
Or In humble toiler's guise-
Loi the Christ you seek.
Search for Him in human hearts.
In the shops and in the rnarts,
And beside your hearth.
Search and speak the watchword Love,
And the Christ shall rise and prove
He has come to earth.
Sorrowful ofttimes IN He
That We have not eyes to see,
Have not ears TO hear,
As We call TO him afar
out beyond some distant star.
While He stands so near.
Seek Him, search Him, where lie
dwells,"
Chime the voices of the bells
On the Christmas air.
Christ has come to earth again,
He is in the hearts Of men
Seek and find Him there.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03

and their hiding place. II was so per-
fec;ly sweet. George. that learned Il
by heart This Is the way Il goes:
" oh. you Aliens. fearless Aliens.
litAng away from the harsh laws talons,
Hiding away IN some lonesome cave.
With nothing TO do except TO DO brave:
] Hwear that 70 J had nothing to Co
l would carry little free lunch to your
1T sounds a lot like the rest OF that
JUNK that have heard your brother
and you rccits.' said tho Head barber.
Il Cont see why common folks tries 10
DO poets"
Il don't see why uncermnn FOLKS tries
10 be BARRIERS" declared the Manicure
Lady. What do you know about thatr'
Il da't locking for no quarrel with
you, little Nell" said the Head Barber.
Il know that you amt much on bsok
learnin', as Fob Klley would say. but
don't want trouble with you. little Nell
WELL" said the Manicure Lady.
slightly Modified. 'Tn tell you one fi,tlo
poem more, II you want TO hear t. WI
fred wrote this one. too. II is about tho
sane thing. them Aliens. This Is thu
way u goes. George:
" Md the green huls OF Virginia,
Where the vines are bright green
twinsrs;
II you find a bullet sn yuh.
You VIII know it's them raoonshlners
Don't reeite no more tonight, gsddo,"
said the Head Barber. You are break
Ing my heart"
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03

Ing viii that orders events without
reference 10 us. we can call II luck:
then we are gamblers. and life Is huge
poker game. There have been those
who thus have adjusted themselves 10
destiny, from tho ancient philosopher
who held that the universe Is . fortuitous
coneourse Of atoms, down to the last
young jaekass who held a full house
against four perfectly good dsuees.
Again we can take the point Of view
that the universe 10 an immense ma
chine. as Carlyle says. ian enormous.
immcasurahie steam engine. rolling on
In It's dead indifference. to grind me limb
from limb" So thinking. we can plant
ourselves grimly against n, even AZ u
10 grimiy against US. Then we are
stoics. There is kind OF Indian salts
faction In thus presenting stone face
to destiny. I have nothing 10 say
against Il. As Abraham Lincoln re-
marked, II should think that for thosa
who like that sort OF thing. that Ii about
the sort OF thing they would like."
once more, we can call ourselves soisn-
tiflc, pa,ter iesrnedly about the reign
OF law and the religion Of science. and
fondly imagine that. because all things
must happen according 70 law (which
Is quito true). therefore we know whas
the laws are (Which Is not true In the
least.
And. lastly. we can become as little
children. which action mako bold TO
recommend TO the reader. We can tako
things as they come weep when they
hurt and laugh when they please us
We can try our best. and be as glad
with tho thing that comes a. with the
thing we tried for. We can be scientific
and yet realize that all our science Is
but floating speok In science. We can
put away superstition as q species Of
frnltiess insanity, We can decline
stolcism because the end thereof. q
hard heart. is not worth while. We can
reject the machine and the poker game
theories OF tho universe. because they
deaden our finer senses.
And we can. AZ little children, and
after the manner OF the good women
and noble men for the last thousand
years or so. look at the universe with
wonder. and at the power behind II with
love and trust and say those wieert
words ever directed to the infinite:
''our Father. which art in heaven
Thy kingdom come. Thy win be done"
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03

than q clergyman, why should We not
accept II and be glad3 And II our mis-
sonaries present the ideal more satis-
factorily TO the seekers after truth in
the orient. let them become Christians
and rejoice.
For II all means the same thing. the
same purpose. the same result.
Just now in Benares. India, a new
order has been formed, called the Order
OF the Eastern star" 49,.
Its rules and regulations are very
simple and Its purpose very sweet and
beautiful and helpful to the world.
II was organized by Anna Besant, that
brilliant and earnest woman orator and
profound scholar, and its members and
officers are mainly American and Eng
lsh people. .A ,...r Fla.
Devotion. steadfsstness and Gentle
ness" are three qualities which members
OF the order are expressly seeking to
develop.
Those are three beautiful character
istics Of n perfect nature.
In this hurried and haphazard age OF
the world one does not meet many peo-
pie who seem to possess any one OF
these three qualities.
The creed OF the new order of the
Eastern Star reads at follows:
Il. We believe that a great Teacher
will soon appear in the world, and we
wish so to live now that We may be
worthy to know Him when He comes.
-. We shall try. therefore. 10 keep
Him in our minds always. and TO do In
His name, and therefore to the best Of
our ability. all the work which comes
to us In our daily occupations.
"a As far as our ordinary duties
allow, we shall endeayor 10 devote
portion OF our time each day to some
definite work which may help TO pre-
pare for His coming.
- We shall try to begin and end
each day with a short period devoted
10 the asking OF His blessing upon sill
that we try to do for Him and in His
name.
g. We regard it as our special duty
TO try TO recognize and reverence great
ness, In whomsovere shown. and to
strive to cooperate. as far as We can.
with those whom we feel to be spiritu-
ally our superiors."
Nothing could be less complicated, less
dogmatic or more simply helpful than
that little spiritual formula.
Whether be believe there is a second
coming. or new Nv Ssiah. imminent or
whether we believe merely that We live
and that we must die eventually. these
rules of life Will be Of vast benefit to
one who follows them.
II Is an established fact that people
grow to be like the things Of which they
think deeply.
IL we thini. deeply on the near APP
proach OF a great being, and II We
mediate on the perfection OF that being,
we will perforce grow in divine qualities
ourselves.
II we look for greatness In Others.
and give It our reverence when We find
: 1t. We will grow great ourselves.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03

thinking OF business or the average NO.
mans appearance.
ANY woman can dress her own hair
nowadays. and It's only the ones that
have very little hair or too much OF "
who come here To have their hair done
once in a while. The women who had
their hair marceiled twice a week now
wear Il plain and we're out q on each
customer.
ANY woman who has good hair brush
and q bottle Of brilliantine can DO as
much as we can toward making her hair
shine. That's all they want nowadayS-
Then I have some better news for
you. Here is the very lates; from Psris.
Mile. Greuse. the famous French beauty
who makes up for her talent In acting
by a very great talent for dress-well.
Nile. Grouse Is wearing curls. almost a
ehignon and quite certainly false. what
Mile. GrsnSe wears every one in Paris
VIII copy. 30 you vii surely sell out this
season" tiled TO say it consolingiy.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03
widow Lost No Time.

Attorneys in probate court do not, as a
rule, try to delay proceedings very much.
The moment that Judge Ross enters the
door ..e is surrounded by lawyers who
wish "iust a minute Of his time, and he
walks through a crowd OF them to the
bench. Reports are filed and willis are
probated, attorneys fees are fixed in rec
ord time by the judge. More speed than
usual was used recently in the probation
Of will.
A colored attorney walked rapidly into
the courtroom. followed by a large colored
woman. She had her sleeves rolled up TO
tho elbows and appeared to have come
from the wash tub. Her manner was
business-liks.
"Ah wants to probate my husbands
WILL" she said.
Judge Ross went through the usual pro-
cedure. He read the will and asked the
usual question Then he began making
the usual rotations.
And when did he die7" the Judge asked.
"Jes about a half hour ago" was the
answer.-Indianapolis News.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03
The Songs of the Presses
By MISNA IRVING.

When theaters darkened and tear0oms are closed,
And taxis few Broadway,
And the parks have been left and the squirrels and birds
And dereicts waiting for day.
the Of Wall street have ceased for awhile
The fabric OF finance TO spin,
Then down in the cellars and up in the lofts
The songs of the presses begin.
They thunder and with the echoes of war
The sounds of the field and the flood.
The sorrow and mirth both of death and Of birth.
The dripping of tears and Of blood.
The day with its story OF shame Of glory
The night with its shadows and sin.
Into type hurled for the eyes Of the world
When the songs Of the presses begin.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03

Yes. OF course. / understand all that
about health and ventilation Of the
scalp. but when you come right down to
Il. 1t doesn't do the hair any more good
10 wear q tight little bonnet than 1t did
TO wear a few puffs. and l must say.
many women this season have looked as
n they had been scalped-
Yes, indeed. know one dark-haired
young person who soaps her hair tight
to her head TO bring out what she called
the classic contour Of her head. Che has
two tiny little braids. and she hides even
those under the hair at the sides.
Better form. she says
Now. / gay It's all right to wear your
hair very, very plain IL you're a perfect
beauty or q perfect freak. In either case
It doesn't matter. But the majority Of
Us women are betwixt and between good
looks and we need all the advantages Of
false hair and eurIs. and its mean Of
those French people to change the fash
ions Just 10 suit themselves without ever
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03
BY MARGARET HUBBARD AVER.

This is going to be another cheap
season for hair" sighed the hsirdresser
as she looked over her large stock Of
switches and puffs whieh had been dang
ling over the counter all winter long.
Small hats again" she lamented. and
that classic business Whenever you get
the classic line 1t means poor trade. clas-
sic dresses are skinny looking. Nc ma
tertal at all. Bad for the silk merchants
and pettiooat people Classic hair dress
ing the same way. No false hair. Gus
toner comes In with about seven hairs
On her head and you think you're going
70 sell her the whole shop. oh dear.
10! Perfectly simple. Il you pIeaseF she
orders and you have 70 fluff out those
seven hairs and bind a wide piece Of
gilt or silver lace around her head to
cover the place where the hair doesn't
grow. That's classic, II may look all
right, but l say it's hard On trade.
Omaha daily bee., 1912-04-03

Former President Fairbanks was 0
speaker at one Of the little gzthsrizss re-
Gently such as have made sns Nstiou.I
Press club Of Washington fArEoa< Ser
ator FairbanEs told the boys sssus hss
trip around the world He hsse thssr az
;sntiOn and brought forth rnaca en.hrs.-
assn with the account Gossrnor ssdssa
Harmon Of ohio. possibly saying IN mind
the recent election ana dsnsurstse had
slide. said:
1T Is hard for me 10 be a spesksr foi-
lowing such q Distinguished traveisr a.
Senator FAIRBANKS. l haven't travsisl
ans. I hSveu't even been up salt river
-L<slie's Weekly