Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-10-31

Occasion. Uncle Tom appeared in a
high state OF intoxication and knocked
Simon I4esree down three times when
the latter appeared with the lawhide.
Earring these minor difficulties. the
performance ran like clockWork and tn.
public got its moneys worth.
Last Thursday night folks thought
III sulnmer sure, for the crickets was
ysi!ln' all evening. They foui'd out
later. however. 1t was only bud Hicks
settin' on the front porch Of the -four
mill windin' his new dollar watch.
Buds new watch is guaranteed to run
one year. Bud says by ginger il ought
to 1t takes about one year To
| wind it up.
Owing to "A break i'm our machinery,
the Clarion has had to use IL foldin'
bed tor a printing press this week.
This issue. therefore. is a little behind
time. but not so much SO as the ma
jorlty of our subscribers. Some slickci
who don't belong here passed u coun-
%terfeit 81 bin on William 1'ibbitts las,
week ana lbbttt had a Mt under the
counter. Mr.. Tibbitts. who is one of
our astute business men, dropped tine
bill in the collection plate at the meet
I'M house and took $1.95 change. When
he counted his change he found five
lead Decent pieces. three plugged
~ wv alA1llInUI1 NuITvCIS iIJu ~
Rabbit metal half dollar.
Elmer Jones has gone into training
Oh the half mile track out at the fair
and expects to get a job as
moor ak In some department store.
He ought to land the job. as he can DO
a mile in 1851 out on the track. but
he might not be able to do as we'll on
Il floor. Az he might slip come. Maybe
he could get a job as walking delegate
for some union. Elmer says he would
like that II 1t wasn't such "a long dis
lance between some towns. Hold Pc
ters was defeated for rud commissions
er, as il was learned he favored the
trusts. He buys combination under
clothes.
William Tibbitts, the grocerylnan,
sent n bin to James Sphinx last week
and found out later that James died
during the Worlds fair at Chicago.
What can n business men expect when
he gets his news out of HoStettel'S al
manac?
Willie Tumms is learning to play ON
a mandolin. He expects to set a luc-
|lative position in some barber shop.
Enos Hand. chief OF Wide Awake fire
department. expects to so to the city
hose which he has seen advertised at q
bargain.
THE SUBJECT ETERNAL.
They harp upon it every day
And have for decades past.
or all the campaign arguments.
1t is the first and last.
1t hangs around like BanQuo's ghost.
And Wont be scared away.
1t is h thing they argue most
Throughout the entire fray.
Nobody understands 1t well.
AND most folks not at all.
But still it is the subject on
Which all the speakers bawl.
They've fought it out for years and
years:
nn Th s;,,, j. argued day and night:
They'll aver fix it right.
They're at 1t once again this year,
They Will forget it never.
For men may come and men MAY go.
But the tariff goes on forever.
THE REAL QUESTION.
l don't care how election goes;
l am not worried. goodness knows.
~ makes no difference to me.
And will not change. nv salary
The Balkan war cloud now in View
- nothing startling. nothing new.
II does not haunt me In the night.
III they must do 1t, let EN- fight.
4 VIZ IlOI WOFFy Ger UAScR4lI.
1t makes no difference at all
To me who wins the championship.
I'm satisfied to let her rip.
The scientists d not fuss me
With microbes that I cannot see.
I am not skeered OF any germs
We are on quite familiar terms.
For touring cars I do not yearn.
For private yachts I do not burn.
Those luxuries don't worry me,
From such ambitions L am free.
there's one question l would note
That really has quite got my goat;
That has burned right into my soul,
Where will I get my winters coalo
WIFE WAS ON THE JOB.
The eminent politician was getting
go and see Governor Wilson.
Il am going to Sea Girt,' said he to
his wife.
Il never heard of her before, but il
you are going to see any Cert, l am
going with YOU" was the reply.
f~rotestattons were useless and she
ven
THESE MAKE LIFE WORTH
LIVING.
Having a tooth drilled.
Getting the bill from the plumber.
Breaking in a new briar pipe.
Trying to eat q juicy salad with
fork.
Listening to an amateur soprano.
Having the neighbor bring back your
broken.
WHAT'S THE USE.
WHAT'S the use of all this noise