The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1912-01-26
SOME WIVES
WANTED
By M. QUAD
Copyright. 1911. by Associated Lit
erary Press

OPIUnk uoV JUST OpcuSU 0g SuoWucA-
~ hill diggings when something &C.
CURED to put US all In Q happy frame
ef mind Deacon Turner. who had left
10 In the fall to pass the winter In the
east, returned to camp. he brought
with him a grand scheme. and q public
meeting was called that he might un-
fold it l can clearly remember him as
he stood on the head Of an empty pork
barrel to address the $50 miners as
sembled. he was tall and angular and
serious. Whenever a man died within
twenty miles of US his comrades sent
for the deacon to conduct the funeral
services, and the deacon did 1t In such
Q nice, smooth way that everybody en-
joyed the occasion. also remember
his opening address. he saids
"Feller Citizens-Let US git right
down to bixness This ere camp. num-
BERN $50 men, is a-cry1n' out like the
children In the wilderness fur-what?
Whisky No: you ar two bar'is ahead.
Neat2 No; thar's plenty Of meat Pun
hin pie and feather beds7 No; we
hain't no use fur luxuries. What our
hearts is achin' fur is $50 wives to
soothe our weary souls. Tremendous
applause.1 No place is home without
q woman. No man kin be happy with
out . wife. [Whoops and yells.l Para
disc wouldn't be wuth shucks without
women. more yells.] When our work
for the day is over we hev no homes
to 70 to. no wives to welcome US, no
body to smooth us down and comb our
hair and sing soothin' songs to rest
our weary limbs.
why hain't we got wives and
homes?" demanded the deacon as he
raised his right arm and extended it to-
ward the east
"'Cause we hain't gone at it to git
'em. Away of thar In the east are $50
women a-cryin' out fur husbands and
homes [Long continued applause.]
hin almost hear 'em boiler. They want
'em, and they want 'em bad"
The most intense excitement prevail
Cd when the deacon stepped down. He
had been east where there were wom-
On. He must know that they were
pining to come He was followed by
Judge PearsaI. who had two or three
wives back in the States. but who
feelingly declared that be wanted one
Of the drove of $50 Then Colonel
Taylor, who had run away from his
second or third. mounted a barrel and
shed tears as he drew a picture Of a
happy home at Strawberry hill-a
home made happy by the presence of
q wife. Two or three others had some
thing to say in the same strain. and
then Deacon Turner unfolded his plan.
The camp was to raise AS large fund
as possible. and the deacon was to re-
turn to the States, collect the 25O fe-
males and conduct them by the quick
est route to Strawberry hill. We were
playing in luck Just then. and the
smallest contribution was s.. be-
heve the deacon took away with him
In cold cash nearly $1,000. Every
mans name went down on the list
according to the amount he paid. and
the following schedule was posted on
the traders front door:
twenty-five dollars gifts the pick of
the lot.
Twenty dollars gifts a reg'lar wild
der
Fifteen dollars gifts grass wilder.
"Ten dollars gifts gal.
Five dollars gifts an old maid or
whatever is left over.
mo departure from these rules un-
der any circumstances.
The SCHEDULE" seemed perfectly fair
and was accepted by all. The deacon
left us in May. and we could look for
him back in September at the latest
1t was three months to day before
the lookout posted on the hill signaled
to us that caravan was in sight.
Had a barrel Of powder exploded In
camp the excitement could not have
been greater. Everybody got into his
vest at once. and. according to pro-
gram. we marched to the hill.
By and by the cavalcade appeared.
Deacon Turner appeared first. Behind
him. seated on mule. came female
"a woman. one lone woman. That
was all! She was ffty-five years old.
WTIuklcUs gray udACu oAu nAAAooI
toothless, and she didn't look supreme
ly happy.
"Whar's the other 249:" demanded
100 voices in chorus. while score Of
men ran to the top of the hill
IN explain later on" replied the
deacon as he continued his way to the
camp.
He did. After he had tucked the old
woman away in a shanty he came out
to rs and said:
Boys. low me to introduce my
wife,"
But whar's our wives?' yelled the
crowd.
Boys. we didn't ngger Jest right"
continued the, deacon. when ! got
east l found that women had riz like
all git out and could git married
uuicker'n lightnin'. didn't want to
cum back empty handed. and so paid
that ar critter in thar pointing to
the TENT 81 400 to marry me and cum
along. The balance Of the fund was
used In travelin' around. I'm sorry.