The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-10-04
lEO ROOSEVELT DEMANDS THAT PENROSE
BE THROWN OUT OF UNITED STATES SENATE
VAN VORIS NOT AN ORDINARY COP!
HIS CHILLY" A NEW TESTAMENT

Van Voris is not an ordinary po-
liceman. Ordinary policemen hit
you over the head with q billy.
Van Voris soaks you in the eye
with biblical text.
Ordinary policemen shackle
you with handouts. Van Voris
ties you hand and foot with quo
tations from Matthew, Mark,
Luke and John.
Ordinary policemen bundle you
into a patrol wagon and hail you
away to the jug. Van VOris IN
vites you to ride in the golden
chariot which is bound for King
dom-C Come.
No joking, that's Van Voris'
way. It's an efficient, way, too.
Van Voris issued his report for
last month as Tacoma's humane
officer yesterday. You may have
noticed extracts from 1t in the
Times. If so, you remarked that
he found homes for five dogs and
two cats, reunited six families
of humans, and found employ
ment for three delinquent boys
and one girls among other
things.
Van Voris says he couldn't do
these things with a club. He
does 'em with his Bible.
F'rinstance:
The other day DR.. McCloud told
Van Voris about young couple
of his church who couldn't get
along somehow. The wife was
determined to get divorce. Van
Voris called on the young people.
She didn't like. the way her hus-
band parted his hair, or some
thing equally disturbing He
vowed his wife put too much
baking powder in the biscuits, or
something equally annoying.
You go regularly to the Pres
byterian church " asked Van
Voris.
They said they did.
And prayer meeting?"
Without fail.
And you have family prayers
daily?"
They said they did.
And" hundred Van Voris,
you haven't 80 cents worth of
religion between you."
Whereat they protested, but
Van Voris waved them into sill
ence.
"If," he said, you will turn
to James, first chapter, 26th verse,
you will read: If any man
among you seem to be religious,
and bridleth not his tongue, but
deveveth his own heart, that
mans religion is vain.'
snow, then,' he continued,
"cut out this squabbling over
nothing and get down to brass
tacks. You have two fine little
kiddies. IL hear any more of
this divorce talk, I'll take them
away from you, and Pierce county
Will feed, clothe and educate them
from now on. 1 don't want to do
1t, but I will"
The young folks decided they'd
patch up their differences, and
now everything's lovely.
Only day before yesterday Van
Foris was called to the home
OF an expert mechanic, a good
man when sober, but subject to
periodical sprees. He found a
doctor at the house and the me-
chanic in bed. The doctor pre-
scribed a drink Of whisk every
hour.
"Not much" said Van voris.
and sent out for two pounds of
, chocolate creams.
Every time the mechanic roared
for whisky, Van Voris handed him
chocolate cream! You can un-
derstand that the man was
peeved. Between them they fin
ished the bag. But he didn't die
In the night, as the doctor feared
ne might, and in the morning he
was fit for work.
Van Voris doesn't care much
for laws, ordinances, precedents
and statutes in such cases made
and provided. The tendency of
the law, he says is to break up the
home.
Every time a home goes to
smash through the agency of the
law, Van VOris tucks his Bible
under his arm, runs as fast as he
can, picks up the pieces and puts
them together again.
As stated at the outset, he is
not an ordinary policeman.