davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04
ARE YOU ACQUAINTED
WITH BoREs LIKE THIS?

In a story by Mary Stewart Cutting
In the September Woman's Home
Companion appears the following
Characterization of a man who made
himself a nuisance by always trying
to be funny:
Mr.. Brentwood was well born well
educated. and successful in affairs. He
had, In the eyes OF his family but one
fault; he had a masculine sense OF
humor Of a homely, almost rural type,
at which his family WINGED uncontrol-
laby Brs. Brentwood, even from the
earliest days of their marriage. had
been wont to improe her Theodore,
when they were expecting company,
not to be funny
Certain jokes or mannerisms of his
at the table were of daily occurrence
Hardly noticed any more when they
were alone they sprang into startling
prominence when there were guests.
He always said, People come from
miles around to hear us drink SOUP
He jovially inquired IL he might Dor.
row the butter or IL Elm, the wait
ress, could spare him another slice
Of bread He made puns on the yege
tables,a nd he had a habit Of looking
with sudden suspicion at any dish
handed to him. no matter how famil
lar and asking disgustedly, What is
this anyway Strangers always in
spired him particularly to their enter
talnment. Certain ancient, inherited
anecdotes could be endured by his
wife and children. even if with ach-
ing strain, but there was a bath-tub
story (Air. Brentwood had in his
early boyhood migrated with his par.
ents to what was then the edge of
the prairie) beginning mendaciously,
You know We never took baths when
was boy that though it was anus
ing, nearly went beyond the pale OF
refinement, and an awful toothbrush
story which positively did. If people
laughed at his stories, Mr.. Brentwood
became practically untrammeled.
Another common table remark by
Mr.. Brentwood was that he never had
any use for potato salad because cold
potatoes always reminded him OF cold
feet. II was his habit to admonish
people to eat slowly and distinctly.
He got this from the old saying, Read
slowly and distinctly.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04
AW0MANyO DISSERTATIONS


carrying a bundle. And | know wom-
en- that so down town almost every
day and buy some dinky little thing at
a first-class store just to see the de-
livery wogan drive MP 10 their door.
Il know some families that bfag
about trading with a certain high
class grocer, and to prove il you'll see
tnat grocer's delivery wagon in front
of their house every day, you'll see
that it's always a dinky little package
"a loaf Of bread, or half a pound OF
cheese, aud once happened TO be on
the spot when il was just a cake OF
yeast.
Some of II is laziness that makes
high prices for all. but a lot of IL is
snobbishness.
Nov. I'm not ashamed to take
string shopping bag and fill II at the
market. II my husband goes along,
he takes a basket Occasionally /
meet some woman | know, also shop
ping at the market Sometimes the
husband Is along. too. And very last
one of them viii dodge you II they see
you first, or apologize for being there
IL you speak to them.
Last Saturday evening" laughed
the plump matron, 4 spoueo the
/ president of one OF our societies
there My husband and were frankly
/ laying in a stock of things to eat and
we didn't care who saw us. But this
woman ard her husband, when we saw
them dickering for a slab of bacon,
tried to sneak around the corner OF
| the stall out OF our sight But | was
too tickled tc let them get away-she
always puts on such awful airs. you
know. Sc sailed up breezily and she
had TO stop and recognize me.
DO you reah-lly shop heah?' said
I she. in icy accents, Readily, this Is
the fuhst time | have been in the
I place, but / told my husband 1t would
3 he such a lark to come oven and
Z watch the people.
at the same time" giggled the
I plump matron, Il saw the end Of a
string bag hanging out of hubby's
coat pocket
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

Sc CAME Jus "
latch THE PEOPLE
people could do something toward
cutting down the cost of living II
they wanted to" declared certain
plump matron.
The other day my husband and
went into enc OF the stores and
bought a couple Of those little ad
Unstable window screens.
"want them delivered?" asked the
clerk
oh, I'd just as lief take them
with me, said my husband. They're
not bulky 10 carry, and | wouldn't
trouble you to deliver them
trouble u.s. exclaimed the clerk.
Well. that's the first time I've ever
heard a customer say that since I've
been in this store. Everybody wants
everything delivered. When a woman
BUYS a paper Of pins she expects US
to deliver il. even if it's out in the
suburbs. And If a man gets any
thing bigger than will 60 into one
of mis- pockets. he wants il delivered.
Come to think Of it, said the
plump matron. doesn't il beat all
how heightened we're getting these
days? why, know lots OF men
who'd actually be ashamed to be seen
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04
. & & = = = = = . . y
EDITORIAL COMMENTS
a a u a a
LIKE Mr.. LoRIMER.
Courier JournaI)

l0Ourler IO4Tull.l
There Is one thing that CoiJnel
Roosevelt asks the correspondents 10
make clear each time they visit him.
That r., that he does not say that the
Standard Oil did no. contribute $780,
600 to his campaign fund in 1904, but
that he did not know of any sUcn
contribution, and that If Il was given,
his campaign Managers received IL in
violation of his explicit instructions
-CPress bulletin from Oyster Bay.)
In the same way Mr.. Lorimer, with
whom Colonel Roosevelt spectacular
~ declined to eat dinner tried TO
evade responsibility. If he vas put
over" he contended, it was without
his knowledge and consent.
Mr. Lorimer could not "put over
his assertions with regard TO his in
nocence. He is no longer in the
United States senate. That he is not
is due 70 the fact that the public was
intolerant Of the tolerance Of his col
leagues. and made them understand
clearly that a triple coat Of white
wash would not be popular or con-
cealing. Events in November viii
probably show that il is as dimcult
in the same circumstances, 70 white
wash oneself as the other fellow.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04
GETTING SOME AIR

At a convention OF ministers in a
Michigan town, the hotel accommo-
dations being somewhat limited, the
visitors we're Obliged to double up"
and two young clergymen, Fletcher
and Flanders, were assigned 70 a
room, which had but one window.
The night was so cold and stormy
that on retiring they decided to close
the window entirely, leaving the
transom open over the door.
But the transom did not afford
much ventilation, and in the night
Flanders awoke with an oppressed
and sitting sensation. Thereupon he
aroused his bedfollow.
FLETCHER" he said, Il can't stand
this air. Suppose l get up and open
the window a little?"
To this Fletcher agreed, So Elan
ders arose, and cropping for the win
dow (for il was pitch dark, tried to
raise il, but in vain.
Il can't start the blamed thing!"
be grunted.
well" said Fletcher. from the bed,
If you can't raise it, break a pane.
guess we can stand the cost be-
tween u.s."
So Flanders broke a pane and
went back to bed.
"Ahi" said he in a minute or two,
drawing a full breath, That's some
thing like it, There's nothing like
fresh air.
Yes" answered Fletcher drowsily,
It's a good deal better. ! guess it's
worth the fifty cents"
In the morning Fletcher got up
first and began to dress. But as he
glanced toward the window he
stopped short. and a puzzled express
sion stole over his face. Then he
looked at Flanders, who was still
doing.
"Woll." he muttered, I've heard of
the atmosphere OF knowledge, but |
never knew it to get in its work so
quick before"
Flanders had smashed the glass of
the bOokCase.-From Norman e.
Mack's National Monthly.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

Arthur f. Reimer, the Socialist La
bor candidate for president is only
80 years old.
The progressive party in New York
State has selected for its official en-
blem a moosehead within a black
square.
W Rourke Cochran, formerly the
star orator Of Tammany Hall, has de-
clared himself in favor of Roosevelt
for president
II is said that more representatives
in congress have voluntarily declined
to stand for denomination this year
than ever before in the history Of the
government
Kentucky has the largest number OF
negro voters-7J,000. Pennsylvania
comes second with 10000 and Mary
land, New York, Missouri and Hin
ois come next in the list.
Comparatively few persons are &C
quainted with the fact that since An
drew Jackson no president OF the
United States has served two consecu-
tive terms except Gen. Grant
Rev. Aaron S. Watkins, the prohi-
hition party candidate for vice presi.
dent of the United States, will be
formally notified of his nomination at
his home in Ada, o., on Sept 5.
Representative John w. Dwight OF
the thirtieth New York district. who
has been the republican whip OF the
house of several years, has decided
that he will not again be a candidate
for congress.
The contest for the republican no
mination for governor of Massachu-
sets this year is between Joseph
Walker, former speaker OF the state
assembly. and Everett c. Benton, a
former member Of the governors
council.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04
THE MILITANT sUFFRAeENTs.

THE MILITANT SUFFRAGENTS'
f. w. writes: Me for the tall and
uncut timber, so take my name of
the membership roll Of the Militant
Sufragents. Believing that we are
entitled to equal rights with women l
endeavoTed to keep my seat In a
street car lass night while several
women were standing. Say, on the
level. the line OF talk that was passed
out would discourage a Drawer suffra-
gent than / am and l hoped on the
car ten blocks before 1 got tc my
destination. We will never have
equal rights with women.
G. F. T. writes as follows: Take
my name OF the list. Ny wife is next
We argued the whole matter out at
The breakfast table and ] was three
hours late az the Office and lost my
Job. knew that we had a lot Of
arguments on our side. but | forgot
them. for when my wife gets started
she has got Patrick Henry, Demosthe-
mes, Henry Ward Beecher and William
!. Bryan dashed TO the mast and pant
ing for breath. She can talk faster,
longer and louder than our whole
blamed Sunragent club combined
guess We had better not oppose the
women or try TO achieve equal rights
with them until we make a more thor,
ough study of oratory and the posi-
bility OF the English language"
At a meeting of the Suhragents
held last evening only seventy mem
bers responded to roll call, which was
a falling Of Of 1873 since the first
meeting. The seventeen present were
all bachelors.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04
Warren W'iggIes

So far none Of the congressman
have asked TO have pilgrim Prog
ress" printed rs a part Of the Con
gressional Record.
It makes a great stir when the ma
tives OF Zululand haze boiled mis-
sionary for dinner but little IS said
when the bleachers have roast UNI
pire-
Taking aviation LESSONS by mail
may be all right, but you can't learn
10 perform a surgical operation on
yourself through a correspondence
school.
There is a growing feeling that the
next Electoral college will be dis
tinguishahIc rom a collection of cloth
ing store dummies and cigar store
Indians.
Why, say that Boston is no longer
the. intellectual center OF the coun-
Try. when the Red Sox are Is points
in the lead for the American league
pennsnt?
The men may sabmissiyely accept
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04
THIS DATE IN HISTORY"
September 4.

September T.
iSO4-United States ship Intrepid"
blown up in Tripoli harbor.
IgI2-Captain Zachary Taylor sue
cessfully defended Fort Harri-
son. on the Wabash, against an
attack by Indians.
1S37-Congress convened in extra
session TO devise measures to
relieve the financial embarrass-
lnents OF the country.
1S62-General Lee crossed the Po-
tomac and invaded Maryland.
1s7O-French Republic proclaimed.
Is94-Twelve thousand tailors struck
IN New York city against the
task-work system.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

fashions decree that trousers be
strapped 10 the boots. but if it comes
to putting an umbrella ruffie on the
bottom Of the aforesaid garments
there arc some few who are prepared
TO fight, bleed and die.
So far as reported none OF the
SUNDAY schools OF New York city
have had 10 pay the police to keep
from being raided
After studying the methods en-
ployed everywhere Tor dealing with
vice. il seems hardly necessary TO
give 30 days notice with three times
publication IN the local paper before
raiding gamblers and other bad re-
sorts.
A good deal OF had meat is coming
in. Pretty tough on the summer no
tel men to have such opportunities de-
layed until late IN the -sSason-
Special dispatch from Armageddon:
After battling for the Lord for three
weeks to set the hired girl to sweep
the front piazza, a housekeeper was
surprised today to find the maid hold
ing a sweet pea tea on the aforesaid
porch.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

Taft declared that ne was out of pol
itics when he left New York on his
trip west, but Judging from the politi-
clans who met him in Columbus and
from the talks he made he changed
his mind when he got to Ohio. That
Ohio atmosphere viii make a dumb
man talk politics.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

The republicans in the United
States senate helped Governor VII
son. II they had helped pass the tar
in bills over Taft's veto much of the
ammunition OF the campaign woult
have been taken from the democrats.
II the tariff has been reformed there
would not be taria reform for which
TO fight.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04
ACCORDING TO UNCLE AgNER.


Grandpa Bibbins must be a pretty
old man. He says he can remember
when the men wore shirtwaists in the
summertime.
Hank Purdy has got enough lodge
buttons so that he can wear one
every week day and he wears them
all on Sunday. Hanks candidacy for
highway commissioner is progressing
nicely.
Mrs. Hi Purdy has had electric
lights and a bathtub put in her house
and threatens TO wrest the social
leadership of our town away from
Mrs. Arson Frisby, who had held ii
so long with the pair of lorngettes
and her rubber tired trap.
Hold Peters says things is evened
up pretty well in this world after
all. He makes the money and his wife
spends it.
. Two things that never SATISFY
everybody are corned beet and cab
bage
Elmer Jones heard a travelin' drum
mer for a seed house spring a good
joke the other night and be is writin'
vaudeville sketch around il.
Miss Amaryllis Teeter is singin'
popular songs in a moving picture
show. That is TO say, they are popu-
lar until she sings EN-.
Constable Ezra Hanks says this
town has got too bad a reputation for
gamblin' and he has started cru
SADIE agin' it that is goin' to last IN
til it is wiped out He has confscated
nine full penny-in-the-slot peanut ma
chimes. Ezra's kids all like peanuts
HALT the pleasure in eatin' an ice
cream cone is TO get feller's nose
cooled Off
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

is considered. The legislature did
mighty well. taking everything into
consideration. There never will be a
time when all OF the laws in the stat
ute book will meet with the approval
of all the people.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

Attorney General Wickersham de-
elares that under the Taft regime
there has been more activity in the
enforcement of the Sherman act than
in any former administration. He is
right Since the DEGREES in the Stand
ard Oil and tobacco cases the trusts
have come positively to like 10 be
prosecuted.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

Judging from the length of time it
generally takes the diplomats to get
onything done Il win be many years
before they quit discussing the Pan
anna canal question and then it will
be time to begin discussing the rights
of freight carrying aeroplanes.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

Taft declares that the boilers must
leave the party. They are doing it..
Mr.. Taft, and they are doing it so fast
and so frequently that your vote will
be the smallest cast for a republican
president since the civil war.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

After you have talked with man
from Sonora nothing the preacher
Gays about he'll win have much i'm.
preston upon you.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04
Is This What Drives the Mosquito
10 Bite Us2

Farm and F'ireside says:
An observer in India has found a
small fly of the nudge class with its
probOscis inserted in the abdomen of
q mosquito, engaged in sucking the
mosquitoes blood. There is comfort,
If not benefit, in this bit of news.
Why can't we import this nudge?
The mosquitoes would know how It
is themselves, then, perhaps"
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04
W.TKE' SPVRIl9
O.THE,MOMENT
p D. Y hf.1In El
DIV Roy K.Motllton.

eloped with the bCudOir maid and the
family plate. leaving no address. The
garage burned down, sparks from the
garage set fire 10 the barn which
was located in the far corner of our
estate and five Of our best polo ponies
persisted in the flames before we could
get there.
Tuesday evening burglars relieved
Us OF nine diamond tiaras, i've strings
of pearls and three quarts of dia-
mond rings. There is no clew. Wedn-
esday the French chef came down
with the small pON and the house was
quarantined. Thursday three of our
fox hounds contracted rabies and biz
four OF our best saddle horses, the
latter dying as a result. This is only
Friday. and a great deal more may
happen. Outside Of the foregoing
tribulations, We are all right. Friends
are requested to hold good thoughts
over us ana give Us absent treat
ment.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

Burke Cochran, who has supported
Bryan Mckinley, Murphy and Hearst,
now announces that he will. make
speeches for Roosevelt. Four years
from now we may expect Cochran to
take the stump for Mr.. Chain, and
eight years hence he will be support
ing Debs.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

Business is good in Arizona and is
getting better all the time. II is the
copper bottom kind.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

The Lloyds know: odds are being
given in favor of Governor Wilson in
London.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

Right now IL appears that We find
many things in the new state laws
that conflict. but there really are but
few when the entire number passed
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

The Houston Post says that a sec,
ond reading of Governor wilson's
speech fails to reveal anything show
ing that he favors dynamiting the fac
tories and sacking the cities of the
country. No; and he doesn't favor
hanging the judges.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

The new automobile law doesn't 90
into effect until September Is. This
will give ample opportunity for driv-
ers OF autos to read the law and COM
ply with its provisions. incidentally
IL will give time for the officers Of the
law in Bisbee and cochise county to
read the sw ard be ready to enforce
It.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

The San Francisco wife who eloped
with a motor car and three good ser
wants probably will be forgiven If
she sends back the servants. It is
easy to get another wife and a new
motor car, but good servants are in
valuable.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

The Albuquerque Journal is con
Quoting a poll for presidential can
didates. 1t is statewide in scope and
any one can vote once. At present the
poiI stands Wilson 70. Roosevelt 81.
tart ~, Debs 6, Chain 2. This is
about the way a poll would run in
ARIZONA except that Wilson would
have a bigger lead.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

President Taft and his followers
know that he can not win in the cleo
ton this fall. Their desire is to have
the republican party poll a larger pop
ular vote than the Bull Moose party,
and also to have a larger electoral
vote than Roosevelt. There would be
no small satisfaction in such a 'vic-
tory for the Standpatters.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

Governor Marshall is proving TO be
one Of the best campaign speakers on
the stump this year. He knows just
what to say and how to say 1t. he
doesn't take an hour to say thing
that can be said in two minutes
Governor Marshall is a surprise to
his opponents.
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

N01Fcea Recommendations U
The 5ls6EE DAILY REVIEW.
eisbee. Arizona
Business is good in Arizona and is
getting better all the time. II is the
copper bottom kind
The Lloyds know: Odds are being
given in favor of Governor Wilson in
London.
After you have talked with q man
from Sonora nothing the preacher
Gays about he'll win have much i'm
preston upon you.
Taft declares that the boilers must
leave the party. They are doing it,
Mr.. Taft. and they are doing it so fast
and so frequently that your vote viii
be the smallest cast for republican
president since the civil war
Attorney General Wickersham de-
elares that under the Taft regime
there has been more activity in the
enforcement of the Sherman act than
in any former administration. He is
right. Since the DEGREES in the Stand
ard Oil and tobacco cases the trusts
have come positively to like to be
PROSECUTED.
Burke Cochran. who has supported
Bryan, Mckinley, Murphy and Hearst,
now announces that he will. make
speeches for Roosevelt Four years
from now we may expect Cochran to
take the stump for Mr.. Chain, and
eight years hence he will be support.
ing Debs.
The Houston Post says that a sec,
ond reading OF Governor wilson's
speech fails to reveal anything show
ing that he favors dynamiting the fac
tories and sacking the cities of the
country. No; and he doesn't favor
hanging the judges.
The San Francisco wife who eloped
with a motor car and three good ser
wants probably will be forgiven if
she sends back the servants. 1t is
easy to get another wife and a new
motor car, but good servants are in
valuable
President Taft and his followers
know that he can not win in the cleo
ton this fall. Their desire is to have
the republican party poll larger pop
ular vote than the Bull Moose party,
and also to have a larger electoral
vote than Roosevelt. There would be
no small satisfaction in such "vic-
tory" for the Standpatters.
Governor Marshall is proving TO be
one Of the best campaign speakers on
the stump this year. He knows just
what to say and how TO say it. He
Doesn't take an hour to say a thing
that can be said in two minutes
Governor Marshall is a surprise to
his opponents.
The Albuquerque Journal is con
Quoting a poll for presidential can
didates. 1t is statewide ia scope and
any one can vote once. At present the
poiI stands Wilson 70. Roosevelt 81.
Tart ~, Debs 6, Chain 2 This is
about the way a poll would run in
ARIZONA except that Wilson would
have a bigger lead.
The new automobile law doesn't go
into effect until September is. This
viii give ample opportunity for driv-
ers OF autos to read the law and COM
ply with its provisions. incidentally
IL will give time for the officers Of the
law in Bisbee and Cochise county to
read the sw ard be ready to enforce
II.
Right now II appears that we find
many things in the new state laws
that conflict. but there really are but
Bisbee daily review., 1912-09-04

The men may sabmissiyely accept