The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-12-19

Johns present to Father smith,"
 Johns present to Mother Smith," Johns present to Baby" "Babys present to i.arner" Johns present to Jack"
 Jacks present to Father "Our present to Auntie" Our present to Cousin Sam.
 "Our present to Uncle John"
 He read that much and-STOPPED.
 They boarded the street car and off they sped to the city. The sidewalks were lined with people, and vendors of toys and spoilers and Santy Clauses and every form of humani- ty known under the sun. This reminds me of the days when my mother used to bring me down town when l was a little boy and introduced me to Santa Claus. By George, this is the spirit which makes a fellow feel young again.
 As they entered one of the large De- partment Stores Mrs. Smith remarked: John, I thought Father Smith might likc one of those Mufflers all knitted and fringed, you know, like Mother Smith used to make for him. There's the counter now; see that German woman looking at them."
 How mooch?" the German woman asked as she picked up a Auffler done in gray and white. Five dollars" said the clerk. 1 "Ach Gott." she cried, dropping the ar- ticle if it were red hot brick. q knit them in Germany for a few cents. But over here, Yell, joost you try dat one on, to see if it fit Fadder."
 The clerk. 6 young fellow of about 20, twisted the Muffler around his neck.
 Yah" nodded the German woman; it will fit Fadder I take dat.'
 Mary in the meantime was examining a Muffler similar to the one the German woman bought, but John was not hear- ing.
 He was standing back of her holding onto her skirts as he had done years before when his mother had brought him downtown Christmas, when he was a "kiddie," and he was not seeing the Muffler or hearing her talk.
 John was gazing at the hoards of peo- pie who were crowding and pushing and clamoring to get to the clerks to wait on them, and every one of the women had long lists similar to Mary's, and they were screeching and yelling and pulling and tearing at things like mad!
 Women were buying pipes and men were purchasing Chiffon Scarfs, while Poor John was holding on to his wife's skirts afraid lest he'd be crushed by the human Juggernaut.
 
 "Yes, l feel sure he'd like this prune colored tie,' he heard the clerk telling a tired looking woman with list in front Of her as long as your arm.
 q wonder if he will. Do YOU like it?' she unused. turning to the clerk as If suddenly inspired
 The clerk coughed and a guilty express sicn stole over his face, but replied brave ly and equivocally.
 "Its an awfully good tie for the money"
 "I'll take it." she said, and now where is the sock counter?"
 John WHERE are you and why don't you listen to what I'm saying present. ly demanded Mrs. Smith. Shall we buy this Muffler for Bather?''
 Yes! Go ahead I don't care what it costs. Christmas doesn't come but once year." piped John, in a scared lit tie tmid voice.
 Now let's get something for the kids" she said.
 They journeyed to the Toy Department and on the way John observed that every body in Birmingham was going to get handkerchief at Christmas time. for he saw millions being sold, and wrapped up and put into little Holly decorated boxes. and if they didn't get handkerchiefs all the men at least would be supplied with neckties.
 Its a case of DuN-DuN-Duy. Any old thing will do, only BUY," John ventured to say to Mrs. John. Lets go. This everlasting tramping and standing around makes me tired Let's get something to eat I'm half starved and famshed, tool"
 Its only 10:S0, John,' said his wife, and I'm not half way through my list. There's Aunt Maria. Please help me se- lect something for her"
 "Oh, send her Box of Cigars or .1r or tbinO that's easy to get. I don't give hang"
 'Why. John Smith, and last year she sent you that lovely lounging robe in brown velvet" Mrs. smith interrupted.
 ''Yes. and l looked like dried herring in it, too" said John furiously. I'm going to the office.'
 "Oh, no you are not said Mrs. John. You are going right through this Christ mas shopping list with me-"
 Lets go eat he pleaded, and you can come back tomorrow and do the rest"
 No. sir" said Mrs. Smith. Now or never Is my motto. You never have real iaed what Christmas shopping meant be- fore. and now I'm determined to show you just what we poor women have to do while you men sit leisurely in your offices doing nothing"
 Never word said he. but it may be re- marked en passant that John didn't go to his office. neither did he get any lunch until late in the afternoon, when he was on his way home with his arms full of packages an automatic spider nearly up- set him. All he said was:
 .,Dod gast it. If I ever go Christmas Shopping with woman again l hope