Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-02-29

nio.e noise IMAM the House did While
that celluloid patriot was trying to save
his country from something or other.
CHAMP Clark made three mistakes
while trying to call the gentleman from
U Dakota by name. If the folks
back IN South Dakota only knew that!
home.
1t is no joke about the celluloid COL
lar. i counted four of them in the
House yesterday, and a man from a
~fnlladeiphla paper, who sat next to me
sald II was 4 poor day for celluloid col
lars at that.
A very distressing incident occurred
today as my valet and myself We're
changing hotels. The last hotel was
not expensive enough for my valet. and
we have moved into a place now where
IL costs IS to look at the clock. We
We're passing from the taxicab into the
new hotel when Antoine, my valet,
handed two suitcases to a colored gen.
tiennan in a brilliant uniform who was
standing in the doorway, Slipped the
latter 80 cents and said:
this baggage in, o sum
burned rascal, and be quick about it"
or course it wasn't our fault tina the
cloored gentleman in the uniform did
not happen to be a hotel porter, but
did happen to be the envoy %extraordi-
nary and minister plenipotentiary from
S4AS iSJuCIlC VI LIDGTid. lie naQ no
business standing there. The uniforms
are so much alike that one can hardly
tell. 1t is said that international com
pllcations are likely to develop, and l
understand that Secretary of State
Knox is very angry about the affair.
This country is hardly in a position to
go TO war with a foreign power with
Captain Hobson absent from Washing
ton and those Dewey cannon scattered
all over the country in village parks.
WHISPERS IN WASHINGTON.
Washington, Feb. 3.-Dear Editor:
The congressman do not look half as
handsome in a group without the
customary opry house stage effects
as they do individually when they
make their campaign speeches.
They are not nearly so distinguished
looking as the pictures we so often see
accompanying their testimonials for
patent medicines. A composite picture
of the House of Representatives would
not produce an Apollo Belvidere.
The bird's-eye view from the press
gallery presents a startling array of
haircutS and Whiskers. 1t is perfectly
apparent that a good my of the
statesmen get by on their hair. Those
who do not try to look like Daniel
Webster make a frantic endeavor to
impersonate. from a hirsute standpoint.
at least, Benjamin Franklin or John \.
Logan.
n statesman, as seen from the
House press gallery, has a bald spot
about he size of a silver dollar. and
surrounding, 1T is a mop of Titan hair.
The effect reminds one of a cross be-
| tween an Italian sunset and the Japa-
nese national flag. l am told tina he
has been elected on the strength of his
hair for five terms.
Thnra orn Gonna p,o,phorc y,l,o $3.50
emily do not depend upon hair cuts at
all. There is. for instance, Alice
Roosevelt's husband. The hair tina
Nick hasn't got would I'LL enough mat
tresses to enable the entire standing
army to lie down and take a comforta-
BILE sleep. There is also Ollie James,
of Kentucky, who, it is said. posed for
the before" half of the original be
fore and after" hair restorer ad.
These two bald spots are the most ia
nous in the House, inasmuch as they
both cover every square inch of avail
able territory. Clifford Pinchot should
look into this matter along with the
forests, for in some cases the House
is badly in need of the conservation of
hair. The other bald spots that we no.
ticed range from the 10-cent size up to
a dollar and a dollar-and-a-half size.
Congressman Mccall strike a happy
average with ono that is about the size
of a teacup. This seems to be the pop
| ular size at this session.
l can hardly depart from the subject
with the all-important mention of
| whiskers. Craftsmanship and whiskers
have so long been associated together
that the mention of one recalls the 9TH
er, just as II always thinks of ham in
connection with eggs or apple sauce in
connection with roast pork. They
range all the way from the ponderous
lace curtains Of Uncle Warren Kiefer
of Ohio fn tho 1nnhfr,ciya o,,J oo.tJo
manly mamie g~oatvariety such as dam
giles from the chin of WASHINGTON
Gardner, of Michigan. or Uncle Cy Sui
loway, of New Hampshire. Whiskers
they have in every style. some of them
waiting for Bryan to be elected presi-
dent before they can be removed. From
all indications here these latter will
continue to disfigure the landscape in
definitely.
The press gallery is so called because
the CORRESPONDENTS are pressed in like
sardines. They sit on little round
stools for all the world as though hey
were just about to order coffee and
sinkers. The correspondents can over
look the entire House from their gall
lery, and it is often necessary to over
look a great deal.
The trade reports do not state pre-
cisely what h principal business of
this town is. but from what / have been
able to observe while | have been about
collecting impressions, it is the barber
ing business. Whenever anybody in
Washington doesn't have anything in
particular to do for q few days he
starts a barber shop. There are II i'm
one block on Pennsylvania avenue, and
it is a short block at that.
The BARRIERS here are great hands to
make friends. They are scraping new
acquaintance every day. In the base
ment of the hotel which has the honor
of entertaining me at the very reasnn-