The Washington bee., 1912-01-20
Public Men And Things
(By the Sage OF the Potomac.)

which / have gained by a residence of
little more than twenty-five years,
it seems that there are some people
who assume that | am an information
bureau The following letter was re-
ceived by me on the last mail Tues
day evening. It runneth like this
Dear Mr. Sage: Noting that you
have a strangle hold on a little infor-
nation about most everything, [ am
writing TO you for advice. ! am a
young woman, in my own estimation.
being just tifty-one years since the
thermometer registered ME into this
world | have been going with a
young man for twenty-five years, as
near as | can recollect. We are very
fond of each other | hesitate to give
| up my position to marry him, and his
salary Is not sufficient to buy ME seal
skins or Piquin gowns. The friends
OF both have wondered why we
haven't married, and we sometimes
wonder ourselves He is growing
older, and my embOnpOlntmert IN
Creases more rapid than my age 1t
you were iii my place would you just
cut the gordian knot of COurtshlp and
marry, or remain as we are-tWO
spOCners who have crossed the half
century mark? | shall be obliged to
you for your reply
When | received this note, | called
up Dr. WarGeld at the Freedman 5
Hospital and asked him at what age
a woman arrived at common sense
maturity. | thought he would know,
for he has operated at the hospital
long enough to get a line on women.
The Doctor. who IS always retICent,
would not give me the information
until | told him the person to whom
wished to apply the information to,
This ] couldn't do without violating
confidence | thereupOn began to read
up on women. After reading a couple
of hours. | penned the giddy young
thing OF fifty. this convincing memo
randa:
My Dearest Miss -: With d
palpitating heart, and a trembling
hand | seize my pen and indite you
these few pertinent lines, hoping
YOU i'm stage of realization. / am
aware that you have been keeping
company with certain granolithlc
bit of humanity that looks like a
withered pea i'll dry pod, and / am
aware that he ha, been coming to see
YOU regularly once or twice day
since Hector was d pup ana Achilles
was an infant in the arms OF antiCl-
patton. and the whole town Is cOgni-
zant of the same thing. If you only
knew what people have been saying
that is the people who wear kmOnOS
you would have married that Wart
some twenty years ago, / hesitate to
dwell long upon your youthful ap-
pearancc. for fear OF assassInating the
truth. and while ! believe you dearly
love him. for the reason that no one
else does, and while ! believe he loves
YOU. because YOU are certainly good
to him. still ! have always abJured-
(pretty nifty word)-a union OF two
souls whose lives are about thirty
wears in reminisCence, and / have al
ways been opposed 10 woman OF
girth. mirth and proportion tying up
with remnant of hemaIe. II /
were YOU. / should continue on, as
YOU have for the past few decades,
permitting this spectre To come and
see YOU. If you should get married
now those friends of yours who wear
GOOD clothes would only say: Il be
licve thev have been married for
years anyhow" so what's the need OF
squandcring fifty or Seventy-hVe
cents for a permit Ii ] have not
made myself plain, | suggest that you
write me again, pdrtcularlzIn& more
,uccinctly as to the exact date ot your
h;rth and the. exact hour that deTe-
lict vou eugulf with your maturcd
affections got seat On the bieachcTs
for the game of life. Yours with eN-
peditiousnes-. THE SAGE.
The recent Of this bIushing maid
ems letter. this maiden who has been
perambulating this berg since the
Dred Scott decision was handed
down. reminded me that / promised
TO give you d few mcTe resolves
maze by peculiar people who have
their habitat iu Washington. Now
Dr. Charles Harrison, who Is Il bach
elor from choice and from a desire to
keep all he has tor himself SAID that
he had resolved to steel himself, dur
ing this leap year, against anything
that wore long hair and palp1tated
with womanly desires and sentiments.
Doc. Harrison Is resolved to remain
single. unless some gentle, gifted
creature can lay at his feet an uneo-
phisticated heart to which Is tied
with d simple knot, dover OF sev-
eral thousand dollars
NeveI Thomas. as Indicated by the
/ length of years he wears that gray
alpine hat Of his has resolved TO con
tinue to pause few seconds between
the utterance of each oriental-learned
weighty word: TO continue on, a a
| matter of economy, as bachelor ano
| 10 make a few more trips abroad 10
| talk sauerkraut nit dot ganz k!ind
/ shemale he met in Germany New
| sure does like q DauChtlfne medchin
| with blond locks and pale tace
He has to have them 10 assist MN
with his historical studies.
! Prof. Craig. scientist, inventor
noultrv authority, automobile crank
and holder OF the Carnegie medal toI
fast talking and illuslve ideas tempo.
rarilv imbedded in an erratc think
tank saws he has resolved to con
Ter distinct favor upon all HI:
friends by not inviting them to ride
in that nightmare OF an automobile
Il he possesses. The professor has tleC
taU his resolves for 1912, about two
Thousand in number, up in pape
L