Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1912-05-31
PRESSCLUBHOlOS
NATL CONVENTION
CHICAGO ASSOCIATION STAGES
G. o. p. AssEMBLAoE A
MONTH IN ADVANCE.
r. r. CASTS HAT IN RING.
Taft Kicks It, Brick and AIl-Suffra'
aette Names Woman to
Head Prcsid entail
Ticket.

Chicago, May 26. - The Chicago
Press club "scooped' the Republican
party by holding the national conven-
ton almost month in advance of the
time set for 1t. The convention was
held in downtown theater before a
large audience.
Taft, Roosevelt, La Toilette, Can
non. Champ Clark, Wilson, Hearst and
even Clark's celebrated "houn' dawg"
were on the stage. About $50 persons
took part The burlesque was in one
act, 1t having been announced that the
club would present Gin one act tho
many screaming acts of the political
leaders Of the day"
The curtain rose on convention
scene with the temporary chairman,
newspaper men, telegraph operators
and several delegations in their places.
A few seconds later, the New York
delegation entered. They carried ban.
ners inscribed "Jim Jeffries Thought
So, Too" and eve Are For Big Built
Aft" The lone Roosevelt delegate
was tied and blindfolded.
Colonel Roosevelt, clad in a cowboy
outfit. followed quickly. After ex.
claiming liars" he threw his hat into
the audience. Then he described
chalk ring on the stage and threw an
other hat into it. IN snappy sentences
he explained he was not a candidate
tor the nomination and that If he 40
copied It, he would have to force him.
self to do so.
Roosevelt having retired, La Toilette
and the Wisconsin delegation appear.
ed. After kicking Roosevelt'e hat out
Of the ring, La Toilette announced his
platform, bearing greatly on the Wis.
consin income tax, which, he declared,
gave men with large families large
tax exemptions.
eff man has IL children, Roose.
velt pays him compliment; La Fol.
lette pays him a bonus" said the
speaker.
A message arrived for Roosevelt,
and upon being PACED, he decided he
had been nominated, so he re-entered
the convention and began to thank
its members for the great honor they
had thrust upon him. Informed of
his error, he replaced his hat in the
ring and then departed.
Amid great disorder. Cannon rushed
Into the convention, pushed the TEN.
porary chairman from the platform and
took up the gavel.
Harmony Demanded.
eve must have harmony" he shout.
ed, "even if we have to fight for IT,"
The Ohio delegation arrived with
President Taft. He gave Roosevelts
hat the customary kick and made a
speech.
II am against the recall" he said.
II am especially opposed to the recall
of president after he is out. I find
nothing in the constitution about this
out agin', In agin', business, and the
constitution must be preserved. I don't
want to move. hope every man who
had to move May will vote for me-"
Champ Clark and his "dawg" fol-
lowed the next arrivals, the divided
Missouri delegation. The dog kicked
the hat from the ring and for the insult
suffered several kicks from Roosevelt,
who replaced the hat.
Inquiry as to what Clark was doing
in Republican convention brought the
reply that he wanted to obtain some
pointers from the Roosevelt faction on
how to run the Baltimore gathering.
Both Woodrow Wilson and Hearst,
who appeared after Clark. knocked the
hat out of the ring with the result
that Roosevelt first glued it down and
later put a brick under it. Eventually,
Taft kicked the brick
Suffraaette Enters.
While the nominating speeches were
being made militant suffragettte
stormed the convention and began to
assail the various politicians present.
She took Taft to task for never having
written any Dear Maria" letters;
Roosevelt, because he wanted the hand
that rocked the cradle to work over.
time; La Toilette, for his hair, which
she alleged was false; Clark, for call
ing himself speaker of the house in de.
fiance of the well-known fact that
woman always has been the rightful
owner of the title; Wilson, for wearing
a cap and gown, thus robbing woman
of her rights, and Hearst for having
asserted he was great editor, al.
though many of his columns have been
filled by women writer's.
The suffragette placed in nomination
a newspaper woman who gives advice
to sentimental people regarding affair
Of the heart. The speaker declared
her candidate had exposed more crook
ed men than the Sherman law.
law. pbveieI,n S%ahhAd Rv Rohhen,