Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-06-07
MENDINGAFAUCET
An Easy JOB That Mr. Gimp Tao
kled With Confidence.

MI. Glulp came nome from the city
the other day and burst into his house
with an air that meant business. He
smiled when the maid told him his
wife was out, laid a parcel on the
stairs, took off his coat rolled up his
sleeves. took his parcel and went up
TO the bathroom. where he opened the .
package. 1t contained monkey 4
wrench, screw driver, half a dozen /,
assorted rubber washers and a pipe /
wrench.
Thank goodness, my wife's not /
home, said Mr.. Gimp. If there is /.
anything upsets man it is the foolish I
questions woman asks when he is
trying to do a job Plumber, She'd |
get plumber to mend leaky faucet.
would she? I'll show her that a man
of intelligence can do job in five min
utes that plumber would take all day
to do and charge So. Now
Mr.. Gimp turned the faucet Not a
drop of water came out He turned
the other 1t was dry. They were the
bathtub faucets, and the far one had
been leaking for a week, while Mr.
Gimp promised day by day to attend
to it.
Well" said Mr. Gimp as he saw
| that no water came out of the faucets,
that's more sense than thought that
woman possessed. Turned off the wa
ter. did she? Didn't let it run all day
when there was no need of it, hey?
Now
Mr Gimp took the monkey wrench
in one hand and the pipe wrench in
the other and climbed into the bath
! tub. Then he sat on the edge while
he studied the faucet
''Lemme see"' he said. You take off
that handle, and you unscrew that top
dingus. That's what you do" So he
did that. Twice the monkey wrench
/ slipped and he skinned three knuckles
but he got the handle off, and he I'M
screwed the cap and pulled out the rod
that held the washer. Then he peered
down into the remaining portion of the
| faucet and looked at the washer
The washer seemed in good condi
ton. He peered into the faucet and
ran his finger around in it, accumulat
ing iron rust on it. If the washer was
not broken what could be the matter
with the thing? There must be some.
thing the matter deeper down. He set
his pipe wrench around the pipe and
graSped the faucet with the monkey
wrench The faucet held like grim
death. The more it resisted the more
he pushed and pulled and grunted and
said strong words.
When the faucet gave at last it gave
suddenly. and Mr. Gimp fell over the
side Of the bathtub and landed with
bump that shook the house. He was
up again in Il minute and in the bath
tub. The faucet was badly married
where the wrench had dug into its
soft brass. and the nose of IL was
twisted awry. but the faucet was off
He took the faucet TO the window and
studied It. Except for the damage he
had done it. there seemed nothing the
matter with it.
Some fool plumber" said Mr. Gimp
angrily. has put the wrong sort of
washer into this faucet. That's what's
the matter. and that's all"
He picked out a different sort of
washer and put it on the plunger It
was not a good fit, but it was a change
anyway
Now" said Mr. Gimp. and he
climbed back into the bathtub He
bumped himself down on his knees
and looked into the water pipe on
which he had to screw the faucet.
Now" he said.
AS if that had been the signal. a
strong. vigorous stream of water shot
out of the pipe and struck Mr.. Gimp
, III the eye. He gasped for breath and
tumbled backward But the stream
I pursued him. He got up and crap.
pied with the stream.
, Unless you have tried 10 grappie
, with stream like that you cannot
, even family imagine the difficulty OF
giving it a good. self satisfying crap,
= pie \ stream like that will not fight
a fair. If you put your hand over the
, pipe the stream will squirt out in for
ty-two directions. Some of them hi
the ceiling Most Of them hit Mr.
Gimp He wrestled silently until the
bathroom was well soaked and he was
well soaked, and then he decided il
NdS beittI just To let the StItdLu squirt
1t Spurted into the bathtub anyway
So he got out of the tub and dripped
Oh the floor and paved water out OF
his lair and wiped water out of his
eyes
And just then the plumber came up
stairs. again. He had been down eel
. lar to turn on the water after he haC
fixed the faucet. and it was quite nat
\ Ural that he should come up again tc
see if the faucet was well fixed. s.
be came Up. and be looked into tbs
bathroom. and he saw the faucet "
ing in the bathtuh among wrenche:
and water. and he saw the water
squirting heartily.
And all he said was. We'll. I'll b.
burned" last like that-"Well. II
be burned" That was all he said
Ellis Parker Butler in Judge.