davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

One of the merchants of New York
city takes up some valuable space in
his newspaper advertising to present
the do-your- mas-shopping-early
suggestion in a terse and forceful way,
as follows: Please shop early, and
help conserve the energy, snap, cheer
fuIness and health of yourself, the
salespeople and the delivery" An
ounce of Consideration is worth a ton
of hospital charity. One rose of
Thought for others is worth thous-
and on the coffin lid of Forgetfulness.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
SNORING AND CHARACTER.

The recent decision of a Chicago
Judge, who held that snoring was not
a crime, will not be received with
unanimous approval 1t will all de-
pend upon whose OK is gored or, rath-
er, whose ear-drum is narrowed and
affrighted.
The man-yes, let us be bold and
say the woman-who SHORES will give
the Shylockian call of a second Dan
iel,' but the listening world will have
an entirely different opinion of the
jurist-
Still, even those most offended will
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

IFrom the New York Press.I
Plump arms are never misjudged
elsewhere.
The most successful thing the devil
ever invented was fluffy, frilly things
not to be seen except when they are.
What makes a man want a change
of government is when buying coal
by the ton costs almost as much as
cigars by the half box.
1t takes a girl TO demand an apology
from a man for her thinking he want
ed to kiss her when what he was try
ing to find out was whether her father
had ever failed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

President Walker of the American
Association of Creamery Butter Max
ers is evidently a most unusual man,
or there is something the matter with
him. He actually expresses the opin-
ion that the consumers should never
be forced to pay more than 80 cents
a pound for the best creamery butter.
Some of Mr.. Walkers colleagues in
the trade are probably of the opinion
that he is suffering from a temporary
alteration of his mental faculties.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

Nor can it be exceedingly encourag-
ing to the Democrats to have the sec
rotary of the treasury forecast a def
cit in the governments financial
operations of $22, 100000 for the fiscal
year ending June 80, 1914, and eX-
elusive of Panama canal expenditures.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

Senator Bristow has introduced
resolutions providing for the amend
ment of the constitution so as to pro-
vide for the initiative on congressional
measures and also for the recall of
decisions of the supreme court that
declare acts of congress to be uncon-
stitutional. But the journey between
the cup and the lip in this endeavor
is certain to be a lengthy one, if it is
ever brought to a conclusion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
DAFFYDHS
BY q. NoALL.

If a tree is sick is and sicks?
(Sit downii You're rockin' the boat
Is the difference between the farmer
and the burglar that one tilIs the land
and the other lands the till?
CAS- Dat Abar says: What profit it a
man if he makes a three-bagger and
dies on third base?)
Would you call Joe's share from the
worlds series a Wood-pi1e?
(Stand back men, and give him air.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

Such is fate. Colonel Archibald
Grace survived the wreck of the Ii
tanic in a fashion almost miraculous,
only to be cut down by death from
an ordinary ailment in less than
years time from the date of that ter
rible disaster.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

Just how much the attendance at
a ball game is worth in dollars and
cents to a fan is about to be decided
in the courts. A Massachusetts man
has sued the Boston American League
club for $4,000 damages because he
was deprived by it's management of
seeing one of the games in the new
worlds series for which he had pur-
chased q ticket.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

It is to be hoped that Victor Berger,
the Socialist congressman from Mil
waukee, is not much of a prophet. He
predicts old fashioned Democratic
hard times with their soup kitchens
before a wear has passed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

Mr.. Capper appears to be of a mind
not to attempt again the riding of two
political horses. He has left the Re-
publican party bag and baggage.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

Charles E. Crane of Chicago seems
to be in line for an Enthusiastically
like the one that was taken away from
him by the Taft administration after
he had begun his journey to the post,
He was the largest contributor to the
Woodrow Wilson campaign fund, his
mite assuming the proportions of
SA0 nm
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

After the parcels post law goes into
effect, the express companies will
probably make up their losses on
small packages by fixing some real
fancy rates for those that weigh more
than eleven pounds, and are thereby
barred from the mails
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

If all of the cold waves that are due
to hit Topeka during the winter are
no worse than the one which hap
pened along Thursday night, great and
general will be the rejoicing here
a hnnfs
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

John Bull, who is prominent among
the opponents of universal peace, is
probably better pleased with the pos
session of Canada than ever before.
Our neighbor to the north has appro-
priated $35,0OO,OOO for the construc-
ton of three monster battleships to be
added to the British navy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
FROM OTHER PENS
BOssING THE NEWSPAPERS

The brief of the solicitor general in
form is defense of the constitutional
1ty of the recent act of congress regu-
lating newspapers. In fact it is prac-
| tfcally a confession of the acts uncon-
stitutionality. The solicitor general ad-
mltS that there is no power with con-
gresS to regulate the press or to pre-
scribe conditions that must be com
piled with before a newspaper is ad-
mitted to the mails. The sole point an
parently that he seeks to make is that
admission to the second class is a spe-
c1aI privilege, and that as to such ad-
mission congress may prescribe as il
pleases. His theory is that as long as
1t is possible to mail a newspaper at
letter postage it cannot be said that
congress is setting up a censorship and
violating one of the NOSE explicit of the
amendments to the constitution. The
solicitor general is aware, as every one
else is, that it is impossible for one
newspaper to pay 16 cents a pound for
postage while another pays but 1 cent
If congress may regulate the news
papers enjoying the cent rate il will
regulate all of them. The learned So
licitor general Is thus in effect arguing
that congress may do indirectly what II
may not do directly. 1t can effect an
unconstitutional result in a constitu-
tional way. 1t is not difficult to predict
the reception that the Supreme court
will give to this doctrine.-New York
Globe.
THE PLANT QUARANTINE Law.
After working for more than three
years to induce congress to pass a
plant quarantine law, the department
of agriculture finds that little can be
done on account of the careful re-
strictions that congress has passed
around the law. 1t is realized by the
scientists who have the subject in
hand that it is hopeless to get any
CT ahge made at the coming short SEES
sion of congress, but there is some
hope that in the next congress some
changes in INC law may be made that
will make it more practical. 1t is
stated in the department that such a
patchwork law was passed on ac-
count of the opposition of a lot of the
big plant importers. There are a num-
Der of firms, principally in New York,
who are not nurserymen at all, but
merely plant brokers, and all they care
about is getting plants into the coun-
try and selling them through the
various states. Canada, it is stated,
has a plant quarantine law that works
well and is absolutely simple and
which has been the means of keeping
out diseased or infected plants and
which has proven a great boon to the
farmer.-New Orleans Picayune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

Some rather unexpected statistics
show that more deer than hunters
have been killed in the Maine woods
so far this season.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

Professor Yerkes of Yale seems to
be on the safe side in declaring that
worms have brains and think. Else,
what would make them turn?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

That Kansas City, Mo, is advancing
rapidly as a metropolitan center is
evidenced by the increase there in the
rates on burglar insurance from rs
to 331A per cent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal ~ a member OF the
Associated Press and receives the fun day
Telegraph report of that great news or
sanitation for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka
The news is received in The State Jour-
nal building over wires Cor this sole pur~
rose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
KANSAS COMMENT

FRIEDMAN'S GREAT DISCOVERY.
tuberculosis kills 1O.7 per cent of all
the people who die in the United
States. That is the official figure given
by the federal census of 1910. Every
three minutes in the United States
some one is dying of tuberculosis.
That's 4S0 American men, women and
children sent into eternity by tubercle
bacilli every "a hours. Over 175,OOO
persons will go down into their graves
during 1913-sent by tuberculosis-un-
less Friedman's discovery saves them.
1t is estimated that there are 10000
tubercular invalids in Colorado, New
Mexico and Arizona seeking life. Out
of every 100 BARRIERS who die, 40 die
of tuberculosis. OF every 100 cigar
makers who die, 80 die of tuberculosis.
Over So per cent of the deaths among
printers are due to tuberculosis; only
two other trades show higher NOR
tality from OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES, gold
and silversmiths-with GA per cent, and
cabinetmakers and woodcarvers, with
56 per cent. Farmers, farm laborers,
bankers and brokers have the lowest con-
sumption death rate. It has been esti-
mated that it would take $4,000, 900
spread over ten years to reduce the
consumption death rate in New York
city to a quarter of what it now is.
Last year over $14OO0,000 was spent in
the United States in anti-tuberculosis
work. Americans maintain 400 anti
tuberculosis associations and commit
tees, 1856 special tuberculosis hospi-
tails and PCS dispensaries. Germany has
spent during the last nine years $685.
100000 in treating it's consumptives.
Consumption costs the United States a
billion dollars a year in money spent
fighting tuberculosis, treating inva-
lids, and losses in earning capacity of
invalids.-Wichita Beacon.
A GOOD SIGN
In the First Presbyterian church in
this town, a mans Bible class has had
to move into larger quarters. In every
church in this town, a group of earnest
men are studying the Bible, and in
every church the group is annually
growing larger. It is one of the signs
of the times. Everywhere in the earth
men and women are turning to serious
things. Never before was there so sin
cere desire among men to learn and
to apply the truth. The larger leisure
that is coming to great masses of men
with the spread of the thing we call
civilization, is giving more and more
persons time to inquire about the
reasons of things in this earth. Hence
the large classes of Bible studying men.
1t is a wonder age we are living in.
Millions can know the truth where only
hundreds could know it in other days
and generations. "And the truth shall
make We free."-Emporia Gazette.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
A sAruRDAY sERMoN.

Confess your faults one to another, and
pray one for another, that we may be
healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a
righteous man availeth much. James
" :16.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1912-01-23

cred. Ossified. Benzoated. Pired,
Picked, Spiffiicated, Corned, Raddied,
O~bfuscated, Soused and Ory-Eyed.
! Six hours before. he had stouu IN a
Table and declared for the Brother
hood Of Man and now he craved but
one Companion and that was old
Colonel r. F. Morse.
Standing over in the Sunlight by
the Window, where he could see the
innocent ShOp-Girls going blithely to
their SIS n week, he lifted the tremb-
ling Right Mitt clear above his Head
and then and there declared himself
to be Oh the Cart until the great
Celestial Bodies should skid in their
Orbits and the Globe itself dissolve
into Vapor.
Just as he pronounced the Words,
"NeV-ER A-een," he felt a great
Flood OF worthy Resolutions arising
in his new Moral Nature. He would
buy q Winchester Automatic and de-
vote the remainder of his wasted Life
to shooting up Barkeeps.e And when
he died, the whole Estate would go
to the w. c. T. U.
Just after he had douhle-strapped
himself to the Wagon and started up
Setter Avenue he realized that an
immediate Absinthe Frappe would be
worth $4,000 to him. but instead OF
ordering one he resolved to write
10y WHEY a AtltcT aON lSi1S IlIl nat
while he was putting his Nixey Mark
on that Green Magoo ne should in
ciude all other Colors bestowed upon
the Essence Of Tribulation.
That afternoon the Survivors Of the
Midnight Massacre got together at
q Club to Hang-Overs and
find ont what had happened after TIC
Roof fe!: in.
Our Hero appeared just as the Boy
was getting ready TO throw a Life
5 Line. He was greeted with q ribald
, Shout and told to come running and
; Save Himself.
, The Moment had arrived for him t.
be q Man By Ice anc
!. SGui,ters and Mixing Spoons ano
Orange Peel and Jiggers and Jaeger:
he drew himself together and made
| the Announcement.
For a Moment they were stunned
by the Impact and then every Son O
2 Peoria leaned back and let out {
YoWl. To think that a real up-to
4 date Fellow would pull any OF ha
Old Stuff. A puny Mortal trying tt
c get a Toe-Hold OF the Demon.
n They told him to forget it and uui
n his SpoOting and remove his Overshoe
: and ease a couple Of ellis into III
Reservoir and try to be a Human Be
{ ing, however painful the Effort.
He came back with a few Gem
e from the Family Medicine Book abOu
the Effect Of the Accused Stuff o.
various Organs. He did not propos
I r. f"ed hirrsa|f anything tina woul
Horl
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1912-01-23

One pleasant morning the CHIEF OF
the Society for Promoting the I'M
portation Of Scotch Merchandise
awoke after "A Balloon Voyage which
began S Feet below Sea Level in q
Rathskeller and finished 1000 feet
above the Altitude recorded by Lin
coin Beachey, the Man-Bird.
When he Came To he discovered
that the Pillow had climbed over on
top If him and was trying to work
the Half-NeIson, Ehile a large Pile
Driver, Of the kind used along the
Water Front. was beating a rhyth-
lnical Tattoo on his tender Bean.
He had a Temperature Of 102 and
his Ears We're hanging down. Also,
during the Period of Coma some one
had extracted the Eyes and sub
"rmore. his Dining Room Floor was
covered with q Plush Rug.
After he had ~decanted a miniature
Niagara on to the smoking Coppers
and removed his Collar and ca%utiOous-
~ picked up from the Floor his Stick
Yin and the Watch and the Remnant
of The Check cashed at 5 p. m, he
relt his way owe TO the Window and
denounced in unmeasCred Terms an
English Sparrow that had perched on
the Sill. merely to annoy him.
In q lite while ne remembered
that he was 4 Resident of the Planet
known as Earth. soon after that his
Name came back to him and then lie
recalled his Boyhood and the Fact
that when he passed the Parsonage
the Presbyterian Minister would ask
him 10 pick some Of the Lilacs and
SnoWballS and take them home to his
Sister Alice.
From that Point he CROPPED through
his Life History up to the Twilight
x, ~ Ip~-lo., lnr1 49,. 1~oC
\ Send-Dn for Old Buck. who was
pulling out for Seattle. In order t,
help Buck to rerneYnber them as True
Friends, they had covertly planned to
get him Stewe6 TO the Eyc-Balls anG
then ship him on to his new Home
spread out in Stateroom b, with long
steamed Roses laid across the Re.
mains. This form Of honnicida
Gayets is p~erPetrated under the name
OF American Hospitality.
our Hero remembered the polits
Getaway IN the Low Speed will
everybody Respectable, after Which
the Fountains started TO guSh an'
Walters began 10 come up out OF tn
Ground bearing Fairy Gifts Of
Liquid Variety. Somewhat later il
the Evening he found hirnseif bal
anced on m Toe on q swiftly-movinI
Cloud, announcing to the Stars 0
Night that he was a 1'ru Sport.
In other words. he realized, as h
sat bumped over In the Morris Chaii
holding on TO tbs Head, lest it Shout
fnti - f -. Tr..o. +~n
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1912-01-23

Cn8sade John W. Turner Died Yes.
terday at Soldiers Home.

Comrade John ". Turner died It
the Soldiers Home yesterday morning
at 1850 O'Clock, after 3 protracteo
illness.
He was SIS years of age at tire
time of his death. and entered the
Home from Iredell County in 1907.
He was q member Of Company B.
First North Carolina Regiment, and
served through the war.
The funeral services will be con-
Quoted at the Chapel today at II
o'clock by Rev. W. A. Simpkins, and
the internent will be in the Confed-
crate Cemetery.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1912-01-23
Report Of Chemist w. A. With
ers Concerning Stomach
of James Lloyd
White Mali of Cary Died Under such
circumstances as to Cause the Dis
interment of His Body in Order to
Have an Analysis Made of His
Stomach.

There has been no detachable pols-
10 substance found in the stomach
OF the late James Lloyd. the white
man of Cary whose death recently
in this city caused an official exami-
ration to be ordered.
James LlOyd's death was reported
by T. f. Damphier as taking place
in his home one night after Lloyd had
been taken there from his restaurant
On Martin street. The two men had
been out riding in the afternoon and
at night Lloyd was taken by Damphier
III a hack from his place OF business
TO his home. His death was later
reported to the police.
Solicitor Herbert f. Norris felt that
the circumstances Of the mans death
demanded a thorough examination as
a matter due To all parties. He had
the body disinterred at Cary and the
stomach taken to Prof. ". A. Withers,
chemist, for an ANALYSIS, SO az To
discover. il possible. tho cause 81
death. h report of DIT. Withers is
that no detachable poisonous substance
could be found in the stomach. and
this disposes OF any charge OF homi-
eide in the matter.
The report Of DR.. Withers was re-
ceived by Solicitor Norris last night
and it reads as follows:
II nave made a careful analysis II
the stomach Of the late James Lloyd
and find no evidence Of any possible
added detachable poisonous substance.
4 shall be very glad 10 forward 10
YOU & detailed report Of the methods
pursued if you desire it. This stom-
ach was delivered to me on January
5th by Dr. r. S. Stevens, working
under your direction. The same was
received in apparently good condition
III a glass chewing gum jar. sealed
with paraffne."
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1912-01-23

The Hard Stuff had passed out of his
Life.
The Cackles died away were
succeeded by look OF Blank Dismay.
They saw that one whom they had
long regarded as q reliable bench
~ kih- tnlon Lush had turned in his
Card and deliberately made himself
All CutCast. .
They saw him order Vichy and go
10 il AS if it were q Beverage and
then they tore up his Credentials and
burned his Photograph and told him
to go out into the snowy Streets and
tinu a new Home.
He sat back and pulled the Grim
| Smile which S~avonarola wore when
they piled the FagOtS around li4..I.
re was a Martyr and proud of his
job. BY the same Token, there is no
Brand of R%ectitude that grades so
pure and spotless as hat exhibited
by che tisinfected Dove who has not
touched a Drop for nearly "a hours.
They saw him go home with q Mag
| az:ne under his Arm and then they
SAT around until all Hours, tapping it
no and %progging his Finish. They
said he never would last q Week and
when ne Fell it would be Some
Splash.
They began to issue daily Bulletins
Ia IAS ON~o 'ANAA "a 49,"
sety because they really liked the Old
Scout il spite of his Eccentricities
When they learned. at the End OF q
Week, that he had played Butterrnilk
to a Standstill all up and down the
Quick lunch Circuit and was at his
Desk every Morning with his Face
clean and 4 Flower in his Coat, they
called a Meeting of the Vigilantes
and decided that the Joke had been
carried far enough.
In the meantime. Our Hero had
learned two new kinds Of Solitaire
and began TO call around for q Dish
q Tea with some distant Female
.&.o.ig ABOUT the Cocktail
Hour he would find himself sitting
first in one Chair and then in anothe,
hut he Cashed big every Morning
when he awoke and found that Henry
katzen ia mnler was not sitting on the
FoOt-EcIrd making Faces at him.
Only, sometimes he would stop or
a Corner and look all about him anG
up at the buildings and wonder il
the Town had always been as Quiet
IS at Present.
After he had stuck for a Fortnight
the desperate Envcys from the 1ndiar
Camp went after hin for Keeps. They
held it IL front Of him and spiashet
it on his Clothes and begged him L
step aboard with them ana go RICH
VI 'NH FtOo".
Probably If they had let him alon.
he WouIo have come ~sneaking baci
into the Reservation to watch the rec
w. :: ioS and pick a few Of those
Night-Ploomirg Martins. but whey
they tried to Stampede hiro, the ok
New highlands Sto-k asserted itself
SO be substituted Rivets, for Straps
He is now the honored Associate 0
those whoplay Cribbage In their owl
Homes and eat Apples before turning
in. But ii YOU want to get q Line OF
his Real Character just ask the We
Brothers. They Will tell you that h
Wasn't there with the Strength Q
Character 50 he simply nj out 0
sight
MORAL: The Way d + the Elk
Transgrcssor is Hard.
GEoRG E ADE.
s. (CoIyright, 1912. by George Ade.)
: Youth is a blunder: manhood
/ 90 old 0ro n Cv TltU~aa{f
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1912-01-23

New Orleans. La. Jan. Spot cotton
closed eaSv. unchanged: nidhl ng . SIG;
sales on the spot 1,I0 bales; - arrive
225.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1912-01-23
AIDES NEW
FABLES IN SLANG
BY GEO RGE ABE.
1912 MODELS
The New Fable of the Lone some Ride on the Sprinkler.
1912
6 Lone some Ride on the Sprinkler.
BY GEO RGE ABE.

Pictures by. Albert lowering.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1912-01-23

MORALE: The Way il h Elk
Transgrcssor is Hard.
GEORGE ADF.
Copyright, 1912. by George Ade.)
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1912-01-23

Youth is a blunder: manhood q
struggle: old age a regret.-Disraeli.