davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, 1912-09-27
WOULD MAKE A. LEADING cIT,.
ZEN OF A SON.

IF ever had a son." he told a
Brooklyn audience one night. Il would
not bring him up to "A trade or a pro-
fession. I'd make n leading citizen OF
him. I'd put copy OF the Penal Code
under his arm and send him out to call
liar at the first man who said any
thing against him. whether II was righ,
or wrong. II In all very simple. The
man who has "A frock coat. money
enough To hire "A hail and persua sion
enough to bring people there to hear
him talk. s;raightway becomes n lead
Ing citizen and is sure OF . living for
life"
Among his remarks In the Gaynor-
i'annard-Ivins campaign were these:
Mayor Gaynor divides the human
race into. two sections. himself and the
rest. ! never knew "A man TO wear a
frock coat seven days In the week that
was not NO stuck ON himself that he
could not see anybody else. As bad AS
Tammany Hall h. let us save It from
Gaynor 1t has never deserved that
fate"
Jake Cantor once cast an awful pail
over "A. merry dinner at Dclmonico'1 10y
launching into n serious. long winded
grafton In favor Of having all the stree,
signs In the city illuminated. Job He'd
ges followed
The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, 1912-09-27
Illustrated Magazine Free.

A new magazine (handy size) with
twenty-four pages. sixteen Of them in
color. with every copy OF next Sun
days World. A new magazine.
EVERY WEEK. Watch for the first
number next Sunday. Full Of pic
lures and good reading matter.
The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, 1912-09-27
ITCHING EVERY MOMENT
DISTRESSING ECZEMA MAY BE
QUICKLY BANISHED.
Try This Remedy ut Our Risk,

Eczema is seen in so many forms
that any itching eruption is almost
certain TO be this disease. In the
acute stage the itching Is almost mad
dening. as it does not give one n
moments peace.
Our new skin remedy, Saxo Salvr,
was devised 10 meet the need for n
really Trustworthy and scientific treat
mcnt Of skin troubles.
Saxo Salvc not only stops the terrific
itching at once. but also penetrates the
skin pores. reaching the very root Of the
disease with its healing. germ-destroying
power.
You will be both surprised and dc.
Lighted to see how the eruption begins TO
dry up and disappear after the frs,
few applications.
1t is splendid for children as well a,
fer adults. and we give back your money
il Ssxo Salve does not satisfy you per.
fecflv
The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, 1912-09-27
CARPET J.&J W. WILLIAMS
~ scooocounbus. Est. isIk
CLEANING 353West 54th s..
HELP WANTEp-MALE.

wall Paper Printers
ana color MIXERS for open shop; steady uu,ua>~.
ment and good pay. Wallace Wal Rsns. ~
Cortland ~ Y. ~" 49,
PR NTERS and color nixsrs or man ~. -.
nal experience open shop upstate; stasdy an
noNment ahd good pay for steady men Anuav 10
~ ~, SUNNY, Geo. bro"n. Grand HOasl. ~.
The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, 1912-09-27
WANTS TO LIVE DOWN REPuTA.
TON AS A huMoRisT.

He finally gave. up after-dinner
spsakln altoxether. lie complained
that in. presenting 10 client brief
regarding litigation in which million
dodlars wa. involved. the client nrst
began to glg21e over the serious legal
phfase doggy. ami then to roar and
hold his sides.
II I'tean live down reputation
which would cause an ircident IKE
thai" he said. I Nall devote the rest
o. my ME to the ccort."
Mr.. Hedges broke into public lie
after he had been out OF Princeton
pracilsing law for ten years. Mayor
William l.. Strong made him secretary
a, the City Hall. The strong admins
trItion was the butt OF many jokes
u became part OF the duty OF Hedges
10 turn the laugh back on the tokcrs.
Ills reputation NJ n sayer Of laushable
things grew ami grew In spite Of the
fact that he was working right along
az Q busy and sympithetic secretary.
Mayor Strong made him city Masls'
trsae. ON the benca every possio''
chance 20 twist a humorous intent GU
az his comment on the cases before
hfm made newspaper readers feel-sl
least 90 ne told his frlends--that he wa
using the misery 81 the poor ans
ttoubled as a background for his sense
The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, 1912-09-27
Some Jokes Told by Hedges
that Won Him Fame as Hun,Orist

with nobody taking the part OF vice.
Poor old vice Is grabbed by the scrufr
or the neck. while the orator cries:
see THAR
The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, 1912-09-27

Job Hedges In known to most news
paper readers as q humorist. Ever
time he sees himself described as
humorist he becsmes irritable. he IN
slsts that a man known only AZ
humorist cannot get anywhere In public
life. Reminded Of Abraham Lincoins
viii, he observes: 1T took an Abraham
Lincoln TO get away with H."
The Republican candidates reputation
ss q funny man was mnde by his after
dinner speeches. When the danger 4
h!a career OF the label OF jokester be-
esns apparent TO him about hieeh
years ago he refused to make after
dinner speeches unless the POSTMASTER
premised not 60 call him up until late
In the night. after the newspaper re-
porters had gone to their offices; In TINS
HaS he escaped an account OF his
mirthfui remarks under the solemn
epftaph. "JoS Il. Hedges also spoke.
The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, 1912-09-27
CAKE TRIES TO ARousE ENTHu
siAsM ron HEpoeS,

CAyusa County gave way to New
York coudty and senator Martin saxs
went back to the emancipation procia-
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15

lieve it's what they do call wiping up
the floor with"
Finish" l whispered, feebly flip.
ping my hand at him. I
H left then, sir, but the noise
brought Wilkes and we helped you
upstairs. You wouldn't go any farther
wanted to tell him, we supposed.
When we got that far. l noticed Mr..
Jack Billings door-it's right oppo-
site. you remember, sir-was standing
just a little open. He called out very
anxiously and shrill: oh, do be very
careful of the pajamas! My! my! l
hope the pajamas are not hurt!'
And at that, you just bangs in
side the judges room and in about
two minutes, he stuck his head out,
looking kinder towsled and mad like
and he fires a wrapped-up parcel at
the door opposite and yells:
There are your pajamas. you IN
natural, heartless prodigal! Pa1amas.
indeed, at such a time!' And then l
see Mr.. Jacks arm come u and fish
the package inside.
Then the Judge turns on me n
Wilkes and ordered us to clear out
and go to bed. And Wilkes said we'd
do it because the Judge would
take care of you and get you to your
room quietly. And the last thing l
heard before he slammed inside his
room was:
".There's one thing; I've got a
daughter!'"
I looked at jenkins miserably. He
was right; he did have a daughter
and l wanted her. But just now. l
wished with all heart that she was
MISUNDERSTANDING else's daughter
that Of the man who had wit
messed my humiliation.
How had he managed to get me to
my room? And had she seen or heard
me? Oh, she must have!
Well. nothing mattered now-notn-
ing could ever matter any more. It
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15
CHAPTER xxx.

Touch Bottom.
Pardon, sir, for not waiting till
you came down." the butler was say
ing. but Mr.. Billings was just so set
on me bringing this to you. l had to-
He had entered, responding to Jen-
kfns' invitation, bearing in his hand a
gray paper parcel.
For me?" I questioned, as he laid
it on the table. and I eyed 1t ominous-
ly. Yet 1t could not be the same l had
sent Billings myself could see that
for it was smaller. more compact.
and in a different wrapper. But l was
afraid to examine 1t.
Yes, sir-he's very bad this morn
ing. sir; the-er-that is, something
last night seems to have excited him"
His eye roved ~eloquently between
jenkins and myself. He continued
soberly:
He's locked me and Perkins out OF
his rooms again. and wouldn't open
the door only wide enough to stick this
through. And his message"-hesitat-
ingly-'he said just tell you you had
better get these pajamas back where
they came from just as quickly as you
could-you would if you were wise,
he said.'
oh" I uttered. dazed by this new
blow. So it was her pajamas.
But there was more Of the message
Il could see 1t In Wilkes eye.
Yes. sir" he went on as I gave
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15

him a nod. Mr.. Billings called
through the door-crack-and his voice
was particularly shrill-screechy-like
very unnatural. strand he said:
You tell him l say he'll find it very
dangerous to keep them by him a mo-
ment; tell him my advice is to return
them Immediately"
Here the butler hesitated an instant
and added: And he said for me to
try to remember three letters | was
to mention-said you would under
stand" 4
Three letters?" I repeated DULY.
Yes, sir, three lettersII did re-
member 'em, too, because they hap
pened to be the initials Of a young
woman him! @. E. D., sir"
20. E. d." l said, puzzled n mis-
cradle. Whats @. E.. d." And then
an idea startled me-.
"Oh / say you mean-er-P. d. @.
-eh, Wilkes?" It sounded like Jack!
But he seemed sure he didn't; in
sisted on @. E. D. When he had with
drawn. I sat there a moment. swal-
lowing hard. BY Jove. when a chap
has had the hardest blow of his life,
and that. too, from his best friend,
it's devilish hard to come up smiling.
Presently I pulled myself together,
jenkins, as he helped me dress, eyed
me in a frightened way, his face kind
Of pale and greenish. Neither OF us
said a word, but / knew [ had his
sympathy, poor fellow-and 1t helped!
Then, with the parcel in my hand, 1
marched slowly down the stairs, for.
getting even some instructions 1
should have given Jenkins.
She was there in the living-room-
she and the trump. And when l saw
her deal face and realized what dis
aster had come between us, l felt
things whirling around me like a jolly
what's-its-name and dropped my hand
on a chair-back hard, until l could
stiffen and smile up. But. by Jove,.
she was on!
(TO BE CONTINUEDa
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15

head to start him of again; couldn't
speak. you know!
Yes, sir" Then you says: That's
all right. now. my boy; so you run
along, because I'm awfully busy. To
morrow we'll talk some more
"'Buily!' says the chap. Good night,
old mani Then he turns back, kinder
smiling sidewise. It's sure on the
level, is it. that you're going to let me
have a clear road with Frances?
".Oh. bother Frances!' you says
laughing. Yes, yes, and when you
win her, she'll be to me as my own
girl. And l know I'll have e love.
too
What's that?' says the young fell
low. kinder frowning. And you says,
easy-like, Why. we'll just be one hap
py family Then you chuckled Ike
you was mighty pleased and says:
And I think she is learning to like me
pretty we'll already. Why, do you
know what she did tonight? She
came right up to me and In the sweet
est way kissed me good night"
"Ohs" I said. digging my fingers
into the bedclothes. "Ob!"
"Yes. sir!" said Jenkins chokily. He
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15

Of one Of your dark suits underneath.
And following right behind you was
that young Mr.. Bi-h'm-pardon, sir.
] remember you said I wasn't to men
ton any one connected with that nj
HIM! You know who l mean, sir?"-
he paused anxiously-"Young man.
sir-freckled face-and the big lot
of"-his spreading fingers curved
above his head-"awfully yellow hair
-um. you know, sir"
"Oh, that!" 1 said with contempt.
for knew he meant that mucker
Scoggins. Then incredulously: "Oh.
l say. you don't mean l was talking
to him? And asleep?".
Jenkins eyed me re~proachfully.
Not asleep. sir" he demonstrated
gently.
But I tell you
MI. Lightnut. sir. it was the
punch!' He shook his head. If you'll
excuse me for mentioning
OH | remarked weakly, falling
sack upon my pillow. "Jove. Jenkins!'
And | Just looked at him stupidity
.act
Go m" / said. Tell me ALT"
yes, rcrumed jenkins. 'as l
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15

went on: This young fellow JUS
marches right close up to you ant
says, speaking kinder quiet n hi,
eyes shining. You say Frances kissec
you? AId you sorter gave . laugh
and dug him In the side and 70,
says. I do believe the boy Ia Jealous
Why, yes, you rascal, she certainly
did-she kissed mel
"Well. it's a lie!' he says back
pointing at you with his finger. BE
1t amt like her. And be 60,
closer.
See here he says, have you just
been trying to get gay with me to-
night? Huh!-well, I'm Just going to
box your jaws for luck!'
WHAT you gasps-'what's that?
and you storms up to him-'Why
you young puppy. do you know who
you're talking tor you says.
"'Bah!' he says, and he just goes UP
and snaps his fingers in your face.
You chokes kinder, and then you
yells at him: Why. you young ruff.
fan, I've spanked you before. and 1
can do it again
Adh' uc says, hldhluS ldCcS dL
You. You spanked! You hit me when
| wasn't looking. My foot slipped
Foot slipped, you blanked fool!'
you shouts at him, and then" Jen-
kins wiped his forehead-"Then the
next thing l see, you mixed"
"Ah!" breathed with relief. That's
better!"
I %chuckled. Then suddenly / felt re-
morseful.
Where did I hit him this time, Jen-
kins-did you notice? Was he hurt
much?"
jenkins looked down, avoiding my
eyes. "Um, not exactly. SIR" he said:
in fact, it was-er-kinder the other
way"
/ stared, aghast.
You don't mean, Jenkins"
Jenkins evidently did! His eyes X
pressed both pity n embarrassment.
What be did to you."-he rolled
his glance upward, trying to shape
the idea-'I believe. sir, it's what you
might calI"-his voice dropped-"l be-
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15
BIZ FRANCIS PERRY ELLIOTT
- ILLUSTRATIONS ~ EA/Whlzzrs
2SNHNNW ZW 81 d0RRJ %z661Xx C0N9A1r

was saying. you came In wltn-yo1
know-er--the young fellow. He kind
er slouched in, looking a bit sulky.
Tive been watching fer you to get
Jack from the dog-1ight.' you says to
him; sit down. l wan 70 talk to you.
But the young fellow Just stood square
In the middle OF the floor and just
kinder scowled black.
Then you says, p~ieasant-like: I've
pee talking with a friend Of yours.
my son who thinks | haven't treated
you quite fair
"'O!' says this young fellow, and
seems kinder surprised. Then he got
red.
"And SO, my boy you went on.
Tightening your glass as you looked at
him, IT I've been harsh I'm sorry
suppose We start all e. again-what
do you say? don't wan to cross you
in anything II / can help it want to
help you"
My abrupt ejaculation halted len
kins an instant, then he proceeded:
II say, do you mean that?' asks
young Mr.. Bill mean this young feL
low'-Jenkins stirred nervously-
land you says, kinder laughing:
both shook.
lone minute says the boy, still
looking kinder puzzled and uncertain.
1 want to know what about Frances.
How do we stand about that?'
You just laughed sorter n went
up and clapped him right on the
shoulder, and o says: Why, II you
cam. my son. just go in n win her.
l don't care!'-and you said 1t hearty
like. You went on: 4 haven: a word
to say-in fact. I'd be only too glad to
see you succeed"
Here l Strengthened with almost a
screech:
What? I said that? Oh, now, Jen-
kins. you-oh, you're mistaken"
Jenkins eyed me sorrowfully.
Your words. sir, exactly, nd then
you went on, kinder persuadingiy:
Why, / haven't meant to stand In
your way at all!'"
l groaned.
Go on!" I breathed through my
teeth. Then I Strengthened forward.
What did the Judge call that punch
what kind?"
Heidelberg punch, sir,"-a sympa-
thetic pause as l swept my hand
through my hair. Yes. sir. 1t GER
ta1nly must be something high-oh,
awful, sir!"
He went on as I dipped my head at
him. Then this young chap catches
you by the hand and he says, Why.
you're a brick, after ALI And you
says: Yes, well get along better now,
boy. and you want to be mighty
grateful to Dicky Lightnut for it. And
this young fellow says. kinder smil-
ing: Indeed. I ami And then him
and you just shook hands again all
over"
Jenkins stopped for breath. but l
didn't say a word. BY Jove, 1t all made
me a bit sick, don't you know. Oh,
! must have been maudlin. that's what
-maudlin. l managed to wag my
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15
Butt Her own Home.

Miss Frances Lyon Of Westwood has
the distinction Of being the only
woman in New England who lives in
: house literally built with her own
hands. Miss Lyons belongs to a club
whose members are practicing the doc
trine OF going back to the farm. The
club II limited to 40 members and
owns property to the amount Of 81, 200
and about 70 acres OF farming land not
far from Westwood. Each member
holds a deed to one acre and the bal.
mi Of the land Is held In common to
b rentsdAto@Any member who wishes
80 try farming ON . larger scale.
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15

affected English accent. receiys. = pres,
proves to be a pair Of pajamas. 4 letter
hints Of surprises to the wearer. Lghtnut
aons TOT the psamjanmnsss and M. late assv at It ni5 5snk fe,s
comes In and. failing to recognize Light
nut. attempts to put him out. Thinkin n,
clothes Is 'i intending shnzy to . summon help. When
he ~,reappears Jenkins falls on his neck
with ]oy. confirming L%ightnut.s belle,
the encounter he had with a hideous
Chinaman dressed IN patamas; In a
m nsa / from /. a.k sid f r. e pai 5 up the salli kid'
lege; Later Lishtnut finds a beautiful
smoking and slansy talk. She tells him
her nsms Is Francis and ~pyszles him
roommate, named Frances. Next morn
Ing the girl is missing and Lightnut hur-
e r,ss 10 b the a 01 Rast TO s seile asr S eS; M Ms Is calls ais
him "Dicky.' but lie does not see the
girl Jack Billings calls to spend the
priceless rubies hidden in the buttons OF
the pajamas. Pillings dons the pajamas
ton-chop whiskers and wearing patamas.
Jenkins calls the police. who declare the
tH.a"dna . P + q in t1s y declares eaalsa he 1is Is
LiShtnut's guest and appeals to the lat
ter in vain. Hes is hustled off to jail.
In the morning Lightnut is astonished to
find Billings gone. and more astonished
when he gets a message from the latter:
d 1eem his clothes: Lightnus; t Souna
the train. ,Lightnut speaks to her and al
in Black pajamas. At Tarrytown France
Is met BY a husky college NC youth, who 'ro
nores the boy. III then threatens to
thrash him for OFFENDING Franees. p hiEhts
STORMS sHa nsk over lh the ne Outrage .uasn OF 'G Ris arrest est.'1 He
and Lightnut discover mysterious Chi
nese character on the pajamas. Profes.
hicroglyphics. He raves over what he
calls the lost silk OF Si-Ling-Chi. The
writing declares that a person wearing
the patamas for experiment..
the prefessor's room and is taken home
in an automobile with Frances and q wo-
Lightnut calls the trump" Light
o nus = TAI, sns a { ~ @rraneis ..u'" agilli s'ss'ei is
taken to his room. A servant tells Light
ns,ss that stat + m tnat g,1, has 1 wss u nesn a as-
rest in New York for stealing a suit Of
black pajamas. Judge Billings %astonishes
10 "Frnnces.". The Judge declares that
not az, anot hes n 1,y,Ps PERISH sIs m Mosld oce .aokis
With the beautiful Frances. is greatly
Policeman o.Keefe returns the
pajamas and Lightnut sends them
TO Billings room. -Lightnut has an inter
esting hour with Frances. He tells of the
things the Judge has been saying about
much to Frances amuse-
ment. Judge Billings refuses to inter-
cede for q man under arrest claiming to
he his son Jack. The judge promises
to wear the pa1amas that night.
saw him U%Iightnut) fighting with a youth
in the library during the night.
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15
Quite the ThJno.

Il told you that II you came tomor.
row morning I would give you the
money for my wash. Why did you
come tonight7" said Miss Philis to the
daughter Of her laundress.
Il know you said tomorrow morn
in'." responded the girl, "but me moth
sr she told me to come tonight. cause
she was afraid o might be gone
away BY tomorrow mornin.'
Il certainly should not 90 without
paying my laundry BILL" said Miss
Philis sharply. mo respectable wom-
an would do such . thing"
"Oh. yes. ma'am, they would" re-
piled the child knowingly. There's
lots of respectable ladies does"
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15
NO MEDICINE
nut Change Of Food Gave Final Relief.

Most diseases start in the alimen-
tary canal-stomach and bowels.
A great deal OF u stomach and
bowel troubles come from eating too
much starchy and greasy food.
The stomach does not digest any
Of the starchy food WEI eat-white
bread, pastry. potatoes. oats. ETC.
these things are digested in the small
~intestines. and II we eat too much, as
most Of us do, the organs. that should
digest this kind Of food are overcome
BY excess OF work, SO that fermenta-
ton, indigestion. and q long train Of
ais result.
Too much TAT also Is hard to digest
and this il changed into acids. o u
stomach. belching gas, and q bloated.
heavy feeling.
In these conditions q change from
indigestible foods to Grape-Nuts will
work wonders In not only relieving
the distress but In building up a
strong digestion. clear brain and
steady nerves. 4 Wash. woman
writes:
About fhve years ago I suffered
With bad stomach-dyspepsia, indigess
tion. constipation-caused, know
now. from ~overeating starchy and
greasy food.
Il doctored for two years without
any benefit. The doctor told me there
was n cure e. me- could not eat
anything without suffering severe
pain Ia my back and sides. and I be-
came discouraged.
-. ~ f%ECEtG
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15
WESTERN CANADA'S
PROSPERITY
NOT A BOOM, BUT DUE TO NAT.
uRAL DEVELOPMENT.

One Of the largest banks in Holland
has been doing a big business In
Western Canada, and Mr.. w. Wester-
man, the President, on a recent Visit
into the Provinces Of Manitoba. Sas-
katchewan and Alberta. expressed
himself as being much impressed with
present conditions and prospects. n
was convinced that the great pros
perity Of the Dominion was not =
boom, but merely the outcome OF nat
ural developments.
Not only has money been invested
largely In Western Canada by the
Holland Banks, but by those Of Ger
many, France, as we'll as Great Brit
ain. Not only are these countries con-
tributing money. but they are also
contributing people, hard headed. In
dustrious farmers. who are helping to
produce the two hundred million bush
els of wheat and the three hundred
million bushels Of the other small
grains that the Provinces OF the
West have harvested this season.
During the past fiscal year there
came into Canada from the United
States 1870; from Austria Hungary
9 1861: from Belgium 1901; Holland
LOTT; France 1854; Germany 1864;
Sweden 1894; Norway 1892; and
from all countries the immigration to
Canada in that year was 354,237.
From the United States and foreign
countries the figures will be increased
during the present year.
Most Of these people have gone to
the farms, and it is ITO far look to the
time when the prophecy will be full
filled Of half a billion bushel crop Of
wheat in Western Canada. ADVERTISE
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15
Hard to See Under Water.

There is no scientific instrument of
the scope" character which enables
n to e down to SO or so feet under
water. When the sun shines vertical
ly over water, a box Or bucket with a
glass bottom Is often used to look
into the water. A cloth covering to
exclude light from the box or bucket
is sometimes employed. But without
electric or some other light in the
water these devices are not very salts
factory.
Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1912-11-15
Fashion Note.

Lady Duff Dordon, at a tea at the
Ritz Carlton, praised the pannier
skirt.
Everybody likes it. it. is so grace
full" she said, smiling. Everybody
likes it except crusty old fellows"
She turned to a crusty old fellow
upon a Louis Seize chair beside her
and continued:
IL know a m whose husband
growled at her when she tried on .
new pannier gown for him:
81 don't see why you wear those
ridiculous big %panniers. You haven't
got the hips to fill Them
"The woman blushed and bit her
lip. Then she said quietly:
"'But do you fill your silk hat
George?"