Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-05-09
~ On @TAE .SPVRaI9
~ G"TAE,MOMENT
w RW BY Roy K .Moulton. q
Copyright. 1911. by North American Press
SNndiSaM4

Copyright, 1911, by North American Press
SNndicafe.9
ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER.
Old Hi Perkins always tells how
Bryan would nave done it if he had
Deer president. and the worst of it is,
nobod can contradict Hi because no.
body knows what Bryan would have
done
Uncle Ez Harkins says a good old
Dottle of beer won't hurt nobody. but
flank Tumms says Uncle Ez is IL liar,
Tor he was Knocked insensiblc with
II oace when the bartender throwed
1t at him down to the saloon.
When 1 see u Teller that don't take
no interest in baseball-well, l amt
never seen one yet.
Miss Euphonia Perkins has started
TO commit suicide by starvation. She
mas taken up poetry writin' for the
A family has moved i'm next to Hod
Peters place and judgin' by their wash
In, they must be some folks There
was five white waists N a suit of
pajarnas.
Mr.. Hi Higgins, our popular spearer
n dealer in froglegs, reports that the
market is on the jump. His wife col
lects alimony from three former nus
bands and that, together with the frog
leg business, puts Hi on easy street.
Miss Amy Pringle, our popular mil
limeI, is going to have three front teeth
filled with gold and is having the gold
leaf signs removed from her millinery
emporium for that purpose.
Some fellers get their reputation for
larnin' by going to college. while 9TH
ers save time by merely buyin' eye
glasses.
always have my suspicious of q
good a Most of EN- are too good
to be true.
Lem Higgins says he always stops
smokin' durin' political campaigns and
ne knows he has added at least 20
years to his life by so doing.
The old philosopher who said there
was nothing impossible in this world
never tried to get a real poem pub
lished in a 15-cent magazine.
After all is said n done, there is
onlJ one way to get rich. and that is to
MAKE a whole lot of money and hang
onto it.
There are other signs of great
wealth hat Teller kin show besides
walkin' down the street smokin' a cigar
with a gold band on It.
One of the most s~ide-splittin' hits of
huxnor goin' Is to see a feller with a red
necktie on, N ask him how he got the
nGsebleed:
Anne Hilliker has got a fine new Pam
herd six-cylinder. His wife also has a
machine which occupies all of her time
AND attention. 1t is a Singer.
4 1t seems funny that every woman's
hat is a different shape, but so is every
woman for that matter.
The celluloid collar may have a
place in this world, but 1t isn't on a
feller'S neck.
There is class of fellers that don't
care much what happens to 'em and
they are the ones whose wives insist
upon maxim their shirts.
1t is more Of a disgrace to have a
1911 model automobile h not to have
any at all.
A Teller always feels safe The he
has got a little money in the bank, |
but he always feels a little safer when
he's got a little more.
It's a bad sign when o call upon
your gal and find the WELCOME door |
mat On the front porch has beer turned
upside down.
If I have any pertickler pet aver
sion in this world, it is to listen to
an old maid talk baby talk to the
cat.
1t is cosy enough to be pleasant when
life goes along like q song, but the |
Teller worth while is the one who can |
smile when the stuff from the laundry |
is wrong.
There amt any points in a ~feller's |
life when he knows so much as he does
when he is a member of the senior class |
of the high school,.
There is one thing that a good bar |
Der never run out of and hat is con- |
versation.
Deacon Pringle has got two sons. One |
of 'em is on h Chicago police force
and the other one amt dom much of
anything, either.
Whenever you see a woman with a
Career you kin be very sure that her
husband fastens his suspenders on with
shingle nails.
There are pleasanter ways of maxim |
a living than giving lessons on The
clarinet.
Things are about equal in a brass
play a piccolo than a bass drum, but
it is harder to carry the drum.
An immigrant has arrived in New
York with $17, but it is a question why
q mar with that much money need to
come Owe here. at all.
Speakin' of a last resort, some of
those summer resorts come pretty close
to 1t when a Teller is seekin' for COM
fort.
Anse Purdy sent his oatmobile to a
garbage fer to get some new tires put
onto it and the charge was so heavy
tina he to give 'em the machine for
fixin' it, SO he amt much better off
han he was before.
CAUGHT ON THE FLY.
But there is one consolation. Neither
Ecuador MOI Paraguay can send its
revolution around the vaudeville cir
cult.
A New Jersey democrat has resigned
an office after holding 1t So years. He
is believed to be the only democrat on
record who was allowed to hold an Of
fce that long and the only one who
ever resigned an Office of any kind.
A Kansas judge rules that no man
who makes only 81 a week has n right