davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
Unexpeeted Candor.

In court martial trials in the UAited
States army the attorneys are selected
from among the officers at the post re-
CARELESS Of their lack of legal training
or their inability to handle n case.
One young officer. a surgeon, whose
ignorance was bliss. so far as the law
was concerned. found himself appoint
ed counsel for the defense at his
new post, and when he entered the
court his only legal knowledge was
that he had a right to "object' to the
tactics of the other side. According.
", when one of his witnesses began t.
be cross questioned, he sprang to his
feet and shouted in a voice of thunder
II object"
ION what grounds?" demanded the
prosecuting attorney.
ION what grounds?" echoed the sur
Eeon. ION mighty good grounds
why, IL my witness tells the trutt
when he nswer that question it will
ruin my casev'-Lippincott's.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
Moljere and tho Doctor.

Moliere had written many plays to
fidicule doctors and medicine. Louis
XIV. heard that the author had, how
ever, a doctor at his service since he
became famous and we'll to do, so the
king one day called upon Molierc and
said to him:
II have heard, Molicre, that you have
a physician. What is he doing to
you""
SIRE answered the author of the
Malade Imaginaire, I'VE chat together
he writes prescriptions for me. | don't
take them, and ! am cured!'
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
The Archdsacon's Slip.

In his "Reminiscences" the bishop
Of Ripon tells of an a~rchdeacon who
was speaking at a temperance meeting
md who adorned his speech with sew
eral humorous anecdotes. At length 1t
seemed to strike him that he had per-
haps been q little frivolous, so he pull
I'd himself together and endeavored to
close his speech in a fttingly serious
vein. But, my friends, to be serious,
the sum total of all | have been say
ing may be told in a single word
tTrain up 81 child in the way he should
70, and when he is old he will not de-
part from it, Train up a child to
avoid the bottle, and when he is old he
will not deDart from it,"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
Took Her Order.

Frank A. Munsey, the newspaper and
magazine publisher, frequently visits
his big plants, exhibiting particular
concern that the furniture in the build
ings shall be kept in good and neat
condition. One morning as he was
leaving an office in which a girl was
working he stopped at her desk and
put his finger on an ink stain on the
wood. "That won't do at ALL" he said,
"Tell the ~janitor to wash that off right
away"
AS he went toward the door the
young woman said calmly: You're go
ing out in the hall. Tell him YOURSELF
The big publisher stopped. gulped-
and then went after the janitor.-Nev
York Tribune.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06

nephew. The old
man seldom had
occasion to go be
hind the bar or to
deal directly with
the public In 9th
er ways.
One day, how
ever, all hands
were out of reach
" h e n a m a n
came in to get a
drink. To make
the sit II a t | o n
acute, he ordered
Il htail.
The proprietor
X n e w of s u c h
things vaguely,
but in a place
-boro
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
A HUMBLED PRINCE.
Hs Performed His Task and Squared
Himself With His Boss.

He performed TIS TASK duO 0QuAT00
Himself With His Boss.
Perley Sheehan told the other day of
the sad days in Paris when he was a
member of the Herald's staff there and
under the personal supervision of Com
modore James Gordon ErnnSit. says a
New York letter to re Cincinnati
Timcs-Star. There were days when
nothing happened i'll that Office, but
there were more days when everything
happened. Sometimes things happened
that simply could not happen at all.
"The commodore had a bunch of tilted
gentlemen working for him." said
Sheehan. "Our copy 10y was a Mar
uuis de Something or Other. If he had
possessed the commercial instinct he
could have peddled that title Of his on
this side of the water for as much rs
a million and a quarter in iron dollars.
Not having it. he pulled down 40
francs per week-which is $S-and was
often reduced to tears by the profane
demands of the American barbarians
that he eliminate the dignity from his
walk and get in q little more pace.
I've often thought that ! should have
abducted that boy and brought him to
New York by force. l could have sold
him to almost any we'll to do family
with marriageablc daughters.
Zone Of the attaches was a prince
whose titles filled Il couple of pages IN
the Almanach de Gotha, while his fam
ily's record took up almost the space
allotted to a prize winning Hereford In
the American cattle book. He was OF
a most impressive and magnificent eX'
terror, he had been educated in the
most arlstocratic establishments OF
France, he had the cntree to every
house of fashion in the city, and ne
had the intellect of a small pig. Com
modore Bennett ordinarily used him as
a sort Of major domo. When the com
modore was indisposed the prince Git
the honors Of the establishment FOL
him.
Once" said Sheehan, "the commo
dore was about to go cruising on III:
yacht. The two most important mem
bers OF that crew are dainty little Al
| derney cows, about the size of Shet
| land ponies. They furnish the commo
| dore the fresh cream he insists on
| The prince had made some sort OF
faux pas which angered the commo
| dore just previous to sailing.
lis there nothing vat / can do Eat
may, vat you call square heemself:
begged the prince, with tears in hi
eyes.
"'There is,' said the commodore
You can lead my cows down to M
yacht
"And that inheritOr of two pages ful
of honored titles, weeping bitterly int
a small ribbon Of beard, led the tw'
| Attorneys to the yacht through tn
Streets"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
THE CONSTITUTION ARCHAIC?

During the past ten years we
have advanced to new standards
of morality and of conduct, and
it is we'll that we have done so
as long as the new standards are
wholesome and conducive to u
we'll being. In that time we
have changed more than u an
cestors during the early Chris
tan era changed in an entire
century. Conditions are differ
ent and demand different stand
ards of conduct. We are grow
ing better constantly, and no law
can hinder this ~betterment. But
laws can be changed to meet the
new conditions Of life only as a
result of a change in the social
conception of right and wrong.
This sense of social justice must
precede any change in the law.
Only by recognizing this fact can
the judges, who, after all is said
and done, create most of u
best laws rather than the legis-
lature, keep abreast of the times
and command the respect Of the
people. What the bench needs
is a clearer understanding of this
fact. The law is not a thing to
be reverenced. 1t is not static
or fixed. 1t should command
our respect and the respect of
the bench and bar, and that IS
all. The supreme court of the
United States is recognizing this
fact and is taking cognizance of
the prevalent conception Of right
and wrong and is finding a con-
struction of the old constitution
of the United States which will
meet this social conception of
right and wrong, and 20 we are
enabled when We have an intel
ligent court to keep fairly abreast
of the times and to command In
a greater or less degree the re-
spect of the people. The time Is
coming, and that very shortly,
when it will be realized that the
old constitution Of the United
States framed over a hundred
years ago Is entirely out of date.
George w. Kirchwey, Profess
so of Law, Columbia University.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06

came to drink Bohemian beer a cock
tail had no place.
First he took a lemonade glass and
put some ice in it. Then he poured
from every bottle behind the bar and
Set the mixture before the customer.
! There" he said. you have every
thing but the license. Drink it.'-Chi-
cagO Post.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
Reversing tho Seasons.

When little Tommy Snow went to
school one morning last summer his
face beamed, and he rushed up to
teacher to tell her that another new
baby had arrived at home.
"Well, Tommy" said the teacher,
that's splendid! And how many have
you now|
"Oh, he's the fourth" replied Tom
my. I'VE generally have a little Snow
every summer, as father says."-Phil
adelphia Times.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
The

Pain and pleasure both decay.
Wealth and poverty depart.
Wisdom makes a longer stay.
Therefore lie thou wise. my heart.
Land remains not, nor do they
Who the lands today control.
Kings and princes pass away.
Therefore be thou fixed, my soul.
If by hatred, love or pride
Thou art shaken, thou art wrong.
Only che thing will abide
Only goodness a be strong.
Richard Henry Stoddard.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06

more has been learned than was known
the morning that Bsrtle and John
Langworthy we're caught in the act OF
robbing q freight car and we're shot
down by waiting railroad detectives.
Langworthy died in the hospital, but
without making any statement as to
his part in the general conspiracy.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06

move THAT TRAIN long freight train
oNv' sPLUTTERED anchored squarely
THE SUPER" across II. A brake
man who didn't know him by sight sat
~complacently on the top OF the car.
"'Move that train on! spluttered the
little SUPER Get it off the crossing
SO people can pass. Move on, l say!
"The brakeman surveyed the tempes-
tuous little man from head to foot.
You go to blazes, you little shrimp! he
replied. You're "a ~ el@rgh to crawl
under "-COsmOl n...aa.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
Easier to Carry,

There was an old Scotchman in Glas-
gov who was moving from one house
to another on the same street. Being
of an economical turn of mind, he had
moved his bits Of furniture on the
wheelbarrow himself. The last thing
left for him to carry was II OF those
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06

old grandfather's clocks. 1t was rather
heavy and awkward to handle. AS he
toddled up the street to his new home
with grandfather's clock over his
shoulder he met a friendly Scot who
had been imbibing. "Tak ma advice
said the Incorporate one, buy yersef
q watch"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
Politely Put.

Politely Put.
"Jinks told Bangs he was a harp
struck by lightning"
"Where's the point?"
ut took quite a using up of gray
matter for Bangs to discover that
links had called him a blasted liar"
Baltimore American.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
- The -
Scrap Book
Joited His Dignity.

James ]. Hill. the railroad king, told
the following amusing incident hap
pening on one Of his roads:
'One of u division superintendent
had received numerous complaints that
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06
A Mixed Drink.

A cafe in Peoria which was famous
for its beer was owned by a Bohemian
and conducted actively by his son and
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-03-06

freight trains were
in the habit of
stopping on a
grade crossing in
a certain S IN a ii
town, t b e r b
blocking travel for
long periods. He
issued orders, but
still, the kicks
came in. Finally he
decided to investi-
gate personally. A
short man in size,
very ~excitable, he
went down to the
crossing, and, sure
c G h, t h e
stood, in defiance
Of his orders, a
long freight train
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-09
CAMBRIDGE CITY, IND.

CAMBRIDGE CITY. Dec. 9-Charles
Wheeler and F. T. Fronapfel spent
Sunday in Indianapolis.
NJ. II. Gaar transacted business in
Richmond, today.
Mr.. and Mrs. Lawrence Ogborn and
III. and Mrs. Will Guyton were guests
Saturday evening at a party given as
a surprise for Mr.. and Mrs. Joe Bend
er at their home on South Fifth street,
Richmond. Miss Daisy Sexton of Chi
cago, was also guest
Mrs. Walter Smith and little grand
daughter have returned to Louisville,
Ky. after a week spent with relatives
in Cambridge City.
Miss Elizabeth Missler spent Fri,
day in Richmond, going to Dayton on
Saturday for the day.
The Red Cross Christmas seals are
now on sale with Mrs. Willard Petro,
as chairman Of the sales committee
Mr.. and Mrs. Wilbur Chaffee, Of In.
dianapolis, are the guests today OF
Mr.. and Mrs. Charles Wheeler.
The teachers of the Cambridge
City Schools, and Of Jackson township
were in Richmond. Saturday in at.
tendance. at the Joint township insti.
tute. : sE@t
Mr.. and Mrs. s. L. Rariden of New
York. afteEsasshort visit with the form.
er's mother and sister, Mrs. Margaret
Ayler and Miss Daisy. have gone to
Cincinnati before returning east.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-09
LANDED A BIG FISH.
Then He Hooked Bigger Game and
Had an EXCITING Time.

Then He Hooked Bigger Game and
Had an Exciting Time.
A singular fish story is told in the
East Indian papers. A fisherman
started for the river, accompanied by
a shikari, carrying a rife for use in
case Of an encounter with big game.
The fisherman in short time landed
a large fish and then moved up stream
to another pool. On his way he pass
ed a ravine and caught sight of an
enormous tiger.
In panic the fisherman concealed
himself behind a pile of rocks and was
f1attering himself that he had escaped
observation when the fish fell from his
hands in full view of the tiger.
The fish was fioundering in the road.
and the tiger instantly bounced on 1t
and carried it off. But the hook still
held, and as soon as the tiger felt the
resistance of the line he gave his head
an impatient shake, which resulted in
the harpooning Of his upper lip.
At this critical moment the enraged
animal saw the crouching fisherman,
who was totally unnerved by his dan
gerous position, and actually began to
play the tiger as he would a fish.
The tiger stopped for a moment in
apparent amaZement at such audacity,
and In that instant the shikari came
on the scene with his rife and sent a
bullet through the brute's brain.-St.
Louis Globe Democrat.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-09
FRENCH TOBACCO TESTERS.
Men Who Find Smoking Anything but
an Agreeable Task.

The French governments official
tasters of tobacco form a category of
civil servants of whose activity little
is known outside their own depart
ment
Tobacco is state monopoly in
France, and these experts are employ
ed under the ministry Of finance to re-
port on all classes Of tobacco that are
permitted to be sold in France. The
men are mostly superannuated inspec-
tors of tobacco factories.
Their hours Of business are from
to s. As a rule, 1t Is the lower grades
Of tobacco that need the most careful
attention. They have to report not
only ON the cigars, cigarettes and pipe
tobaccos put on the market by the
French Tobacco Reggie, but also on all
imported tobacco.
Smoking when compulsory is any.
thing but an agreeable duty, these
employees say. They are in constant
danger from Ills caused by the exces-
sive use Of tobacco, and they combat
these by taking large quantities of
black coffee, which is also said to as
sist them to differentiate between the
various kinds Of tobacco on which they
have to give their opinion.-Exchange.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-09
News From Surrounding I owns

Anderson at one o'clock luncheon in
honor of the social circle, of which
Mrs. Rudy Is an honorary member
The invited guests from Hagerstown
were Mrs. W. H. Porter, Mrs. Ed Ma
son, Mrs. H. J. Day, Mrs. Ebert wy
coff, Mrs. Leslie Davis, Mrs. w. T
Warbinton, Mrs. John Teetor, Mrs. M
T. Fox, Mrs. Henry Keagy, Mrs. Car.
los Burton, Mrs. Oliver Brown, Mrs
r. R. Brant, Mrs. Fred Smith, Mrs
Orpha Jones, Mrs. Chas. Stotelmeyer
Mrs. James Knapp, Mrs. Ida Lawson
Mrs. Horace Hoover, Mrs. Monroe
Jerry and Mrs. J. NJ. Lontz, of Rich
nd, Mrs. Chas. Miller, Mrs. Theo
ellis, Mrs. Jesse Sells, of Anderson
Mrs. Margaret Swain, of Marion, O..
and Mrs. H. C. knode, of Indianapolis
The day was delightfully."- spent with
fine Xmas needlework and in socia
conversation. The dining room was
prettily appointed with fernery and
yellow and white chrysanthemums.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-09
Level Of Two Seas.

When attention was first called to
the practicability Of canal from the
Mediterranean to the Red sea by the
first Napoleon a corps Of surveyors
was sent out to run the levels" They
reported that the scheme would neces-
sarily have to be abandoned because
the level of the Red sea was thirty
feet six and half inches higher than
that of the Mediterranean. That report
put damper on the canal project for
several years. In 1S47, however, some
doubling Thomases" prevailed on the
great powers TO resurvey the route.
England sent Robert Stephenson. Aus
tria NJ. Talbot and France Signer Ne
grelh. They found that the two seas
had exactly the same level. and the
Suez canal was the result
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-09
How Seeds Travel.

They have been discovering some ex-
traordinary plants in England, plants
which puzzled the botanists, to whom
they were either utterly unknown or
known as growing only in far distant
lands. One naturalist picked on the
grounds Of the Bradford sewage works
100 species of foreign plants. Among
these were several Australian burrs,
Unison weed, prickly peoples from
Mexico. others native to Peru, Siberia
and the Azores. All were Of a prickly
nature. Investigation proved that the
dust from wool combing establishments
was being used as fertilizer and the
washings of wool were run into the
sewers. The burrs of these foreign
plants had come in the wool and had
grown. Other plants had sprung from
seed in rags and others been brought
in soil on foreign timber-New York
World
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-09
RICHMOND PEOPLE
GOOD DRESSERS

Very few cities IN the United States
can show as many well-dressed people
as Richmond, large per cent Of them
having their clothes made to order.
Men can get fine suits made from SIS
to $25, when the same goods q few
years ago cost almost twice as much.
For years Emmons Tailoring Co. have
been making fine suits from $500 up
and the business has increased every
year. They are now showing the larg-
est stock they have ever shown. Over
600 styles in Fall Suitings and are
Leaders in correct tailoring for good
dressers." Corner Ninth and Main
streets.
Mr.. Louis M. Emmons, president of
the company, keeps posted on the sea-
sons modes and styles and customers
know that suits and overcoats made
by the Emmons Tailoring company are
correct in every detail.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-09
HAGERSTOWN, IND.

HAGERSTOWN, Ind, Dec. 9.-Rev,
and Mrs. w. H. Jenkins and daughter,
and their guest, Miss Barker, of Eng.
land. weresguests Friday of Rev. and
Mrs. Radcliffe at Elwood.
Miss Myrtle Working will go to Ash
land, Ohio next Tuesday to be a
guest OF her sister. Mrs. Raymond
Higgins, until Xmas. ......
The Two O'clock club met Thurs
day afternoon with Mrs Clifford Fouts
Ten members were present. The hon.
or guests were Mrs. Jeanette shit
neck, Of Richmond, Mrs. VIII Heiney,
Miss Ruth Heiney. Mrs. j. H. Kidwell
and Miss Nellie Brant A tempting
two course luncheon was served in
the dining room. Mrs. Raymond Knapp
will entertain the club in two weeks.
Mrs. Alonzo Smith entertained the
Priscilla club Thursday afternoon.
Mrs. Rebecca Stuart will be the next
hostess.
Mrs. Otis Claig returned to New
Castle Friday after a weeks visit with
her histers, Mrs. John Hahn and Miss
Ethel Harter
Mrs. James Bagford spent yester-
day at New Castle.
Mrs. Joe Stonecipher was at Indiana
polls Friday doing some shopping
Mrs. James Scott, of Indianapolis is
the guest of Mr.. and Mrs. Joe Teetor.
Mrs. Ebert Wycoff has been visit.
ing with her parents at spiceland.
Mrs. Ida Lawson will be the guest
over Sunday of Mrs. Reba Rudy at
Anderson.
Mrs. Reba Rudy and Mrs. Earl Sells
entertained Friday at their home at
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-09
New Kind Of Steak.

"Once upon a time" says Opie Read
IT was in a sanitarium where it was
customary to starve people almost to
death in order to make them live.
endured that treatment three days and
then sought a restaurant downtown.
A waiter came to me. and said:
"I want something to eat. Bring
me a steak
been up there?' inquired the wait
er, pointing toward the sanitarium.
ayes: three days. I replied.
lone sanitarium steak yelled the
waiter.
81 sunk disconsolately into a chair
for it seemed that the whole town was
conspiring to starve me. But I should
have known that there were others
who had been there before m The
'sanitarium steak was nicely served
by the waiter. who cheerfully said:
Here you are, sir: fine sirioin. top
cut and extra large New York
Tribune.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-12-09
MILTON, IND.

MILTON, Ind, Dec. 9.-The follow
ing constitutes the newly elected Off
GERS Of the I. o. o. F. lodge at Milton.
Jesse Revelee, Noble Grand; Robt.
Bryan, Vice Grand; Chas. Wolfgang,
Recording Secretary; Lafayette Rayle,
Financial Secretary: Oscar Kirlon,
Treasurer; w. L. Parkins, Trustee.
Miss Sarah Roberts entertained as
her guest Saturday afternoon, Miss
Maggie Wise, of East Germantown.
Mrs. Henry Shepherd and daughter,
Miss Helen, were Richmond visitor
and shoppers Saturday.
The Rev F. c. Mccormick was at
New Lisbon, Saturday.
The Rev. and Mrs. E. M. westhafer
returned from New Castle Saturday.
VIII Filby was at Connersville on
business Saturday.
Mrs. VIII Null was at Connersvi1le,
Saturday to visit relatives.
Frank Leibhardt, Of Richmond, came
over Saturday to spend Sunday with
his brother.e George Leibhardt.
J. A. Brown reports having finished
gathering his corn. His harvest
amounted to $500 bushels.
Mr.. and Mrs. Oscar Kirlin were near
Bentonville over Sunday as the guest
of Mrs. Kirlin's parents, Mr.. and Mrs.
Chas. Ferguson.
Mrs. Frank Morris had as her guest
Saturday, Mrs. LESSEE Beord, of Dub
lin.
Mrs. Alpheus Huddleston was in
town Saturday arranging the house.
hold property of her late sister, Mrs
Mary Gray for public outcry the com
ing Saturday.
Mrs. Walter Matthews and daughter
Miss Rosetta, or Centerville, have been
attending the formers mother, Mrs
Needham.
Jesse Gard, Jr., of Richmond and his
cousin, Carl Younglove, of Sioux City
Iowa, were in Milton Saturday calling
on friends. They were enroute to Con
nersville to visit Mr.. and Mrs. Harry
Nelson. Mr.. Younglove's late mother,
was formerly Miss Gussie Gard, of this
place.
Miss Amanda Baker who was
brought from the Reid hospital Friday
evening to the home of her sister, Mrs
L. f. Ward, here. She was quite weak
on her arrival, but was reported bet
ter Saturday.
Mrs. Albert Irwin, from Virginia, is
visiting her brothers, Messrs. J. L. and
J. T. Manlove and families.
Mrs. Grant Clark of Cambridge City
spent over Friday night with her sick
mother, Mrs. Amanda Needham.
Colbert Ingerman entertained a
company of young people Friday even
ing in honor of Harold Mcdaniel. who
left Saturday evening for his new
home at his aunt's in Winchester.
Mr. and Mrs. Dan Gard and family
including their married children, Mr.
and Mrs. Jas. Ray, of Goshen; Mr.. and
Mrs. Geo. Thompson, of Indianapolis;
Mr.. and Mrs. Lester Beeson, Of Cleve.
land, Ohio; and Mr. and Mrs. Charles
Gard, of Connersville, and also Capt
and Mrs. w. r. Mount expect to form
an Xmas dinner party with Mr.. and
Mrs. Cards daughter, Mrs. Harry Mel.
son and family at Connersville.