Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-05-30
Copyright, 1911. by North American Press
SynGicate.)

ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER.
Am Tilson our gentlemanly and con-
genial tonsorial artist always has a
might eonsolin' way of talkin' to- the
customers when they get i'm the chair.
lie always tells about the time Glenn
Hask ms died from sneezin' and get
tin his throat cut while he WAS workin'
IN him.
Iiayin' the base drum wouldn't he
$" very difficult if it wasn't for car
ryin' the drum.
There was never Il time i'm history
when the boys down to the gruc'ry
store didn't think this country WAS
goin' To the bow-wows at lightnin'
speed.
There's many II good fcller' whose
wifi" doesn't know it.
Sob poetry is all right i'm its place,
winch is on IL tombstone.
some fellerS kin remember as fur
bark as the plush furniture. but most
people pass away when they get to
b. ss,ont so or 80 years Did.
~ is getting so nowadays it is pretty
hsrd for Il mat in a Prince Albert coat
tain "f industry.
sec by the papers they have got
a Diving Venus down to the rapids.
hnt ] don't see how that is possible.
All the venuses l have ever seen
haven't got amy arms and how i'm
;ophet kin she swim out after she
dives
Grandpa isibbins is hopin' that a
wave of crime will strike this COM
mun'ty soon SO that he can go to- work
AT his regular occupation. which is set
tim ON the jury.
There is only one worse bore than
the fresh air tiend ann that is the
Teller that wants the windcrs and doors
closed all the time.
Perhaps there is, somewhere i'm Il
remote ttlt7n ne this. >.a,l.1 .::.
ter VIII" never wore "a Prince Albert
coat. but if so. 1 have 1cvcl. seen
him.
Arnc Tubb say about the only
way be- knows of tn get rich quick
is TO black up and get a job as porter
on . parior car.
Late Purdy who has been captain
OF aase Judson's stoneboat for nine
seasons has resigned to accept IL po-
slti"n Us chauffeur of IL traction on
sil''. IN speed craze seems to be
getting aH of the young men around
these parts.
Th"sr is some question as to whether
1hc1" are some more men ar women
artists. but it always seems as though
4 felicr sees more women who
paint.
Just as soon as u woman saws she
IS = perfect lady you begin To think
thtie IS something wrong with her.
WlliiaIn Ilbbits. our postmaster. has
49,! '''S'H IN SWaZeN creek thle" days
tfNlh 10 soak off a mustard plaster
whisn his wife put on his back Two
months go. The postoffice has been
closed during that time. but he ex-
poets 10 have it open in :; day or two
So that the reg lar patrons can get their
picter postcards and mail order cata-
logs.
Tho 1915 model Oatmohiles ought to
%" on the market now in Il week or
two. The 1914 models having been on
sale for about a month.
Thcr' are so many people i'm this
world maxim Il vim without working
AT il that the rest of the folks have
I" work twice as hard as they ought
You kin knock a mans appearance.
h1s sinEin'. his landscape gardening.
or his oatmobile. but a bone head is
ever foolish enough to knock II mans
religion.
There amt no man so poor that he
can't get a lot of mail from the patent
medicine concerns.
Hod Peters says there amt no date
on the calendar that comes around so
quick and so often as the first of the
month. 1t sees as though when he
amt lust paid his rent. he is just go
in to- pay it.
1t seems ais though Noah Webster
during the course of his literary work.
used almost every word in the English
language.
Some fellers can get rich on 81 ~
week while others die poor on 500 Il
week. 1T all depends on whether they
rum an automobile.
They are advertiser a green boss
race FOR the county fair, and LATE
Hipeins has bought a can of paint and
is rhangin' the color Of his sorrel mare
So size kin qualify.
Since Elmer Sphinx has been writin'
love letters to Miss Pansy Tibbitts lie
Is thinkin' some of goin' to a GORE
spondcnce hoo for d year or two in
order to improve in that line.
Tho ~noisiest thing in the world is an
"ld-fashioned 2-cent piece when it is
dropped in the collection platter.
II Egbert Peavy jumped out'n bed
sudden the other night in his new
striped pajamas and scared II bur
glar to death.
WHEN THE TEAM COMES HOME.
The grand mothers are dying fast,
The aunts and uncles. too;
Tine e%pidemic's going to last
The entire uminer through.
The bookkeeper gets powerful sick
Most every afternoon.
The office boy is mighty quick
To pipe up the same tune.
The ribbon clerk abruptly jumps
The job ut 3 p. IN.
He says his kids have got the humps
And he must go to them.
The easy and kindhcarted boss
At first is left in doubt:
And finds That he is at n loss
To figure the thing out.
He can't see why they all must Y"
In illness and in pain.
Van no vat no INnn0n't know,