Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-07-25

\ ~ W ~ IL LOUI wi SaL Siiio
A-whizzing through the country 1
would go.
That was the hope that l had held
most dear,
And had scrimped and saved up
all the dough.
Alas. My plans were changed quite
suddenly:
My hopes of motoring have fallen
flat,
My wife is going to use that coin,
TO buy herself a stylish Paris hat.
WHAT HAS BECOME OF THEM:
Tn old fashioned man who used to
go home to unch.
Those neckties with hand painted
flowers on them.
The party who used to take pepper
mint drops to church.
The statesman who used to chew
pride of the Gravel Train"
The old fashioned person who
thought dancing was IA sin.
Those hand carved m~eerschaum cigar
holders.
oilcloth uniforms.
The presidential candidate who
thought 1t undignified to make stump
speeches.
The embroidered notices that used
to hang in the parlor.
The party who couldn't sleep on any
thing but Il feather bed. +,
~
ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER
My idea of a natural born crook is
q Teller who will cheat himself playin'
solitaire.
Hank Purdy had his boots half
soled with a beefsteak that his daugh-
ter cooked for him last week. She
has been taking a correspondence
school course in culinary art.
HOd Renfre told his son., Willie, that
he wanted him to grow up to be as
good a ma as his father is. Willie
will probably be able to do this with
out much effort.
Almost any Teller can think up II
good excuses why he hasn't got the
time to beat a carpet.
The distance of years lends consider
able enchantment to the old fashioned
cookin'. after all.
1 never yet see a poet who had re-
tired to live on what he had earned.
The dog Is mans best friend when
the man is starvin' and somebody
hands him u frankfurter sandwich.
There seems to be almost everything
on an Oatnlobile exceptin , q whip
socket.
1 never see a woman who didn't like
dandeliOn salad or a man who did.
Nobody is exactly satisfied with his
Job unless. perhaps, 1t is a country
postmaster.
There isn't any sort of a Job that a
woman can't do with a pair Of shears
and a hairptn.
When q good man goes wrong there
are always q good many wise ones
who always expected it, whether they
did or not.
There amt nothing that will make
a Teller look more poverty stricken than
to nave his hair %scraggly around the
neck.
Nobody will knock a ball team hard
err than the gink who gets In on q
pass.
If all the fellers that are tryin' to
get plays produced would go to work
there would never be a scarcity of har-
vest hands.
The last time Rev. Hanks was down
to the city he looked SO religious the
police purity nigh ran him in on sus-
picion for a con man.
There are a whole lot of ways to
make people think you're rich besides
wearin' patent leather shoes on week
days.
Last Sunday the pastor asked every
membe OF the church to bring two
sticks OF wood wnen they came to the
Thursday evening prayer meeting. as
the church w0Odpile was getting low.
Every Teller o two sticks Of wood
from his neighbor's yard. SO 1t wan
even up purity we'll. after all.
Them dog-lovin' wimmin,
l think, are q shine.
me lips that touch poodles
Snail never touch mir
It's q pretty poor politician who
can't predict who 10 goin' to be
elected 4 ne IL ct It long enough be-
70 tnat everybody Will for
a great mar IL discussed pro and
con. out. AFTER all. what Is laid ID
mostly con-