The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-10-13
Yarns Of the Courthouse Gang
NO. x-By WELLINGTON vANprvER

It is a matter of comment that the loaf CTS about a court house door seldom dis cuss trials, courts, or lawyers, but the themes there presented and disposed of are usually abstract ones varying wide- ly according to the mental habit of the talker It was so on this occasion.s
 The Tax Assessor, who was as slim as lathe, took an enormous chew of tobac- co and began: Jevver notice what cinch a fat man has on the female pop ulation? Women is right smart finicky, and most of them won't stand hitched until a fat man begins to domlneer them, and then they are as gentle as a pet coon. The best of women are sometimes Savages in their treatment of little runt of man who don't heft more than Ills pounds-but neither history, fable, Judge Thos. c. Jones letters, the Con gressional Record. Rollins Ancient His tory, nor no other book contains any ac- count of where they ever went back on a fat man. Just let a regular soap-grease of fellow, with a bay window on him like an umbrella raised under the bed clothes. get after lovely female, and it's three strikes and out with that girl. When Peacherino falls in love with a. fat man. she gets absolutely infatuat ed with him-and that's no lie, Take a belle of City used to the assiduous attentions of the most daintily attired. slim Appel 10 of the swell set-she will turn her white shoulders in cold disdain at the most ardent advances of this symmetri- cal Lover and fall Buck-wild in Love with some fat, baggiy -trowsered. double chinned tub of masculine entrails, who has neck like @ standpipe and a head as bald a door knob. Did anybody ever hear of a hen-pecked fat man? Can you think of a fat old bachelor in this country? Jevver hear of fat widow CT staying single more than a year? A real fat man cannot stay unmarried ii he wanted to. If the fat man makes a bluff at being an old bachelor, some dainty charming maiden will drag him out of his greasy, oily obscurity and wed him in spite of thunder. and they will live hap oily ever afterwards in a state of bliss only equalled by the Cherubs-darn em."
 The old Confederate. looking rather the worse for wear, pulled couple of wild hairs out of his nose and thus claimed the attention of the Club: some of you fellows know that I took advantage of ex- rursion rates and went over to Birming- ham on October 1. to attend the meeting of the Wilson and Marshall Democratic state Conference of Wilson and Marshall DeilOcIdut tfiubH. CdltCu DIV the N lSOn and Marshall Democratic State Central Committee. l went to that meeting rath- CT inclined to cast my vote for Wilson and Marshall, not because I had my eye on the job of Postmaster at Tumble bug, in Winston County but actuated by the loftiest Patriotic motives. and I found every other fellow there feeling about it just exactly like I did. Not one of those shy. retiring Statesmen who paid half fare to attend this great Magna-Charta. Declaration of Independence Gathering would have had an office if the same had been punched at him resting on a silver waiter. They went just like did, purely 10 serve my country We had flashing of business. but nobody ever found out what it was. unless it was to hear some pure and undetiled Patriot bawl out every few minutes that Wilson and Marshall would sweep this great Country and then all hands would yell. The hall was full, and so was I. and likeHisely some of the delegates. There were enough del- egates present to fill every F. o. ia Ala nanla. and then some, but il would have shocked the modesty of those single hearted lovers of their Country to hint at one of them filling a fat office. At Iegalar intervals some great Orator would mount the stand aud roar out that 'Wil- son and Marshall would sweep the coun-