davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
PHYSICIAN SAID ECZEMA
CAME FROM TEETHING

when my little girl was about eight
months old, she was taken with very
Irritating breaking out, which came on
her face, neck and back. When she
first came down with it, it came in
little watery-like testers under her
eyes, and on her chin, then after few
days it would dry down in scaly, white
scabs. In the daytime she was quite
worrysome and would dig and scratch
her face nearly all the time.
Il consulted our physician and
found she was suffering from eczema.
which he said came from her teething.
used the ointment he gave me and
without any relief at all Then l
wrote for book on Cuticura, and pur-
chased some Cuticura Soap and Oint-
ment at the drug store. l did as l
found directions in the Cuticura Book
let, and when she was one year old,
she was entirely cured. Now she is
three years and four months, and she
has never been troubled with eczema
since she was cured by the Cuti-
cura Soap and Cuticura Ointment
(Signed) Mrs. Freeman Craver, 311
Lewis ST., Syracuse, NJ Y, May s.
1911. Although Cuticura Soap and
Ointment are sold everywhere, sam
pie of each, with 32-page book, will
be mailed free on application to "Cuti-
cura," Dept L, Boston.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
MADE 1T ALMOST TOO STRONG
Bachelors Excuse for Not Visiting the
"Only Baby" Almost Cost Him
Fathers Friendship.

"One of my closest friends" said a
Philadelphia bachelor, ''is the proud
father of a newly-arrived baby boy.
For some days I've had a sneak
ing and guilty feeling that ! ought to
visit him and make some comment on
the obvious superiorities of his Off
spring l couldn't bring myself to do
it, though, because, according to my
way Of thinking, no baby is human un-
til 1t is at least one year old. I'm not
very keen about assocating with in
fants, anyway, but I draw the line
absolutely until the year mark rolls
around.
BY way OF apology, however, |
decided to call up my friend on the
telephone. The first question he ask
ed was why l hadn't been over to
see Toodles.
"Well, old man. I said, I've been
intending to get around to see that
boy of yours. In fact, made note of
1t six weeks ago.
1ndeedi' he answered, and never
before have l known man to inject
so much sarcasm in one small word
We'll, it happens he continued, that
the boy has only been in this world
three weeks
'It took me ten minutes to regain
his friendship"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
AKIDNEY REMEDY ADVERTISEMENT
BROUGHT GREAT HAPPINESS.

} take pleasure in stating that l
have used DR.. kilmer's Swamp-Root,
that l was greatly benefited by the
same and have used it in my family.
had a son, when quite young he suf-
fered from bladder or kidney attiiction.
/ called in my physician, he attended
him, but did him no good. Almost by
accident 1 noticed an advertisement
about the curative properties of DIR.
Kilmer's Swamp-Root. l procured a
bottle and gave it to him according to
directions. 1t cured him Of what We
thought was almost impossible and
the same with others of my family.
l have such strong faith in Swamp
Root that l have never done without
it in my family since the wonderful
cure of my son as we'll as myself. |
recommend it to all who suffer from
kidney or bladder troubles and l am
led to believe that it is one of the
best medicines for the purpose for
which it is used, that has ever been
discovered.
This is my experience from the use
of Swamp-Root. Wishing the promo
ters of this wonderful medicine large
sale to the suffering public, l am,
Yours respectfully,
w. H. M'AFEE,
College Park, Ga.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
HARD TO DROP
But Many Drop It.

A young Calf. wife talks about
coffee:
1T was hard to drop Mocha and
Java and give Postum a trial, but my
nerves were so shattered that l was
a nervous wreck and of course that
means all kinds of ills.
''At first l thought bicycle riding
caused it and 1 gave it up, but my con-
dition remained unchanged. l did not
want to acknowledge coffee caused the
trouble for l was very fond of it.
About that time a friend came to
live with us, and J. noticed that after
he had been with US a week he would
not drink his coffee any more. l asked
him the reason. He replied, L have
not had a headache since | left off
drinking coffee, some months ago, till
last week, when began again, here at
your table. 1 don't see how anyone
can like coffee, anyway, after drink
ing Postum
Il said nothing, but at once ordered
package of Postum. That was five
months ago, and we have drank no
coffee since, except on two occasions
when we had company, and the result
each time was that my husband could
not sleep, but lay awake and tossed
and talked half the night We were
convinced that coffee caused his SUI
fering. SO we returned to Postum, con-
vinced that the coffee was an enemy,
instead of friend, and he is troubled
no more by insomnia
II, myself, have gained s pounds in
weight, and my nerves have ceased to
culver. 1t seems so easy now to quit
the old coffee that caused our aches
and ills and take up Postum" Name
given by Postum Co., Battle Greek,
Mich.
Read the little book, The Road to
Wellville,' in pkgs. There's a reason
Ever read the above letter? new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true and full of human
interest
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Astonished Husband

De Wolfe Hopper tells a good story
about the domestic unhappiness Of an
other actor. The hero of the joke was
man who had married because the
woman had much money, although no
beauty. Naturally, after the wedding
ceremony and the acquisition Of the
brides financial resources, the hus-
band was never very attentive to her.
Another member of the company in
which the couple were appearing was,
however, far more appreciative of the
lady's charms, and proceeded to make
love to her in an ardent but stealthy
manner. The grand finale came one
evening when the actor discovered
the other man kissing his wife. The
fond lover stood petrifed with fear.
and expected to be shot down the
next moment.
No such thing happened. The out
ragged husband only lifted his hands
toward the ceiling with a gesture Of
intense surprise, and exclaimed:
"Merciful heavens! And he didn't
even have to-"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
: His Only COMPLAINT,


Senator Beveridge, at luncheon in
New York, was talking about the child
labor problem.
Children are so plucky and so
cheerful" he said, I'VE don't realize
how horribly overworked they are till
it's too late-till their bodies and
minds are stunted irretrievably.
Il was once talking to tiny errand
boy at the height of the Christmas
shopping season. He was working, l
knew, II hours a day. AS he walked
sturdily along with a mountain of par
cells piled on his thin, narrow shoul-
ders, said to him:
DO you like your job?'
Yes. sir he said; I like 1t fine.
Only
Here he grinned up at me gayly
from beneath his load.
'''Only I'm afraid I'm doing an au-
tomobile truck out of a job"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
What Is in a Name !?

A Chicago man who hardly knew
one tune from another made the mis-
take of taking a knowing woman to a
cencert at Orchestra hall The Sc
lections were apparently familiar to
him, but when the wedding March"
of Mendelssohn was being played he
began to evince some interest.
THAT sounds familiar" he said. Il
am not strong on these classical
things, but that's a good one. What
is it?"
That" grAvely replied the woman,
is the 'Maiden's Prayer"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
NO OBJECTIONS FROM TONY
"LovabIe Little Chap" Probably Would
Not Have Minded Success
sion of Tunnels.

Being Sunday evening, and the races
/ having taken place that afternoon, the
trains were packed. In one compart-
ment a little boy had been standing all
the way, but before the journey had
proceeded much farther Mrs. Jones
kindly took him on her knee
Were you very frightened, dear, as
we passed through the tunnel?" the
gentle. lady asked.
Not much" replied the little boy,
shyly.
But l thought you trembled a little
as kissed you," remarked Mrs Jones,
who was not even middle-aged yet
And what's your name?"
Tony" came the answer.
Then you're a very lovable little
chap! And how old are you?"
twenty-five, ma'am.''
And Tony Spurs, the lightweight
jockey, slid to the floor to the accom-
paniment of a piercing scream.-An-
sWers.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Cold Welcome,

A clergyman in a small town was
deploring the fact that none of the
couples that came in from the coun-
toy to be married stopped at his house
for the purpose.
We'll, brother" said the man ad-
dressed, what can you expect with
that big sign on the tree there: Five
dollars fine for hitching here?' =
Youths Companion
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

long weeks was afraid to lie down
on account Of the terrible pain In my
back. / took the doctors medicine
regularly but became no better. Then
began with Doan's Kidney Pills and
was entirely cured. have had no
trouble with my kidneys since"
When Your Back Is Lame, Remember
the Name-DOAN'S," Soc, all stores.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
NaturaIly,

Robert, at the age of twelve, was
much puzzled over one question in
his examination paper on civics. 1t
ran, IF the president, vice-president,
and all the members of the cabinet
should die, who would officiate?" Rack
ing his brain in vain to remember the
order of succession, happy thought
came to him, and he wrote:
The aker.'-Woman's Home
Companion.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Sad ExcuSe-

They were twitting a friend who
suffered, upon the fact that he had
never been married
Il kn-kn-know, boys, that I've never
b-b-been married, but l was pre-pre-
pretty near it, once"
How was that?" they inquired
We'll, you see. l ask-ask-asked a
girl to hav-hav-have me, and she said
that she'd rather be ex-ex-excused, and
l was such fo-fo-fool, l ex-ex-excused
her"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Not That Kind.

"It would save a lot of trouble" said
a newspaper man the other day to
Representative Slayden of Texas, aft
er the Democratic caucus on the
/, Henry resolution to investigate the
money trust" IF you would allow US
to attend the caucus"
"On the contrary" replied Mr.. Slay-
den, with a twinkle in his eye, 81
thought 1t would make a lot of
trouble"
We'll. can't you give me an in
terview on it, now that the fight is
over?"
NO." answered Mr.. Slayden, ut
would be against my principles. 81
never kiss and tell"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

Young Fred was on his way to his
grandmother's home. The train reach
ed small station.
Bunker Hill" shouted the brake
man, putting his head in at the door.
Bunker HILL
Mamma, mammal" demanded
Fred. What has she done that they
treat her that way?"
What way, my child?" inquired his
mother.
why" explained Fred, didn't the
conductor say Bump her heels?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Summer Near

Patrick worked for a notoriously
stingy boss and lost no chance to
let the fact be known Once a wag-
gish friend. wishing to twit him, re-
marked:
pat, L hear your boss just gave
you brad-new suit of clothes
NO" said Pat, "only par-rt of q
suit
What part?"
"The sleeves iv the vest!"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
CALlFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO.
JEW SCORED ON ARISTOCRAT
III-6red Remark Brought Discontinue
on Duke of Westminster and
His Companion.

A friend of mine who is in Cairo
just now told me a good story In a
recent letter of an old Jew of that
city who scored off the young duke of
Westminster and his inseparable COM
panion, Lord Ricksavage, when they
were there a few weeks ago. They
were buying some jewelry in the bazar
there, and the duke remarked audibly
to his friend:
The fool doesn't speak English of
course" But the fool understood well
enough.
do you spik Italian?" he asked
them, to which they replied in the neg
atiVe.
do you spik Grik?"
mo"
do you spik Turk?"
No"
do you spik Russian?"
NO"
Me one time fool" said the old
man after a short but eloquent pause:
you five times fool." And the duke
and his friend retired discounted
Exchange.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
No Time Specified.

Two beautifully dressed women
were parting with a inger-tip hand
shake.
You must come and see me- Won't
you come and see me some timer"
asked one, with just the faintest tinge
of eagerness.
Yes, will come and see you
will come and see you some time,"
echoed the other, with not the faint
cial, acetic acid smile
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Clever Youth,

do you know" he said, that every
time l look at you l have thoughts
of revenge?"
''Why?" she gasped.
Because" he answered, revenge is
sweet"
Then she told him she thought to-
morrow would be a good time to see
papa.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
The UuIy Brute,

See that measuring worm crawl
ing up my skirt?" cried Mrs. Bjenks
That's a sign I'm going to have a
new dress
We'll, let him make it for you,'
growled Mr. Bjenks. And while he's
about it, have him send a hookworm
to do you up the back. I'm tired of
the job
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Those ParoIed Ones.

No. 67,s40 Gust paroleO-W'y, Tur
tie, 'ow are you? Wot's doin' in d
biz"
His Old Pal - Hullo, Chicken !!
Shake. Wot's new in d biz? Nottin'
much. Dere's a feller invented a
vault door dat's five year ahead of d.
timeSi
No. 67,840-Gee, dat's bad!
The Pal-An' Skinny Moss has in
vented Jimmy dat's five years ahead
of d. new doori
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
No Wonder She BIushed.

Two of the University of Pennsyl-
vania track runners passed learned
and preoccupied professor showing a
young woman visitor through the
Gardens"
With dainty shiver, the girl re-
marked:
TITS dreadfully cold-isn't ito be
without stockings?"
The professors mind turned for a
moment from contemplation of the
fourth dimension.
Then why did you leave them OFF,"
he asked.-Lippincott's Magazine.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

A very successful remedy for pelvic
catarrh is hot douches of Paxtine An
tiseptic, at druggists, Csc box or sent
postpaid on receipt of price by The
Paxton Toilet, Co, Boston, Mass.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

do you want to get hearing in
this court?" shouted the magistrate.
Sure, SIR" replied the very deaf
defendant.
Then" yelled the magistrate, with
last mighty effort, you will have to
go to a specialist"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
A Quarter Century

Before the public Over Five Million Free
Samples given away each year. The con-
slant and increasing sales from samples
proves the genuine merit of Aliens Foot.
Ease, the antiseptic powder to be shaken
into the shoes for Tired, Aching, Swollen
Tender feet. Sample free. Address, Allen
S. Olmsted, LIE Roy, n. Y.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
CuratiNe AGENT.

DO you think an ice cold plunge is
good for people?"
Well" replied the indolent person.
Il fell in while skating and l must ad-
NIT that the fright cured me of hic-
coughs"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Doctor Endorses chiIdren,s Remedy,

DR.. D. R. Rothrock, New Berlin, Pa,
writes that he has used Kopp's Baby's
Friend with excellent results. He con-
siders it the best remedy for children.
Invaluable in Teething Troubles, Wind
Collie and Diarrhoea. 3 sizes, 10c.. Csc,
Soc, at druggists or sent direct. Kopp's
Baby's Friend Co, York, Pa. Sample
by mail on request.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

IN the raw spring
months. They stop
backache and urinary
disorders, keep the
kidneys well and pre-
vent colds from set
Ting on the kidneys.
Mrs. E. Bates, 36 Jay
ST., Poughkeepsie. N.
Y, says: "a cold
started my kidney
trouble and for five
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Guess Whaf-

Tom-Yes, Miss Roxley and l are
strangers now. I've been asked not
to call there again.
Jack-I'll bet old Roxley had hand
in that
Tom-Well-er not a hand exactly.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

Education does not mean teaching
people to know what they do not
know; it means teaching them to be-
have as they do not behave.-Ruskin.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
,TWixt Satan and the Sea.

Doctor-You are in pretty bad
shape You must stop going to those
cheap restaurants.
Patient-But, doctor, the prices at
the other places would make me still
sickness.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
When Your Ewes Need Care

Try Murine Eye Remedy. No Smarting-Feels
Fine-Acts Quickly. Try it for Red, Weak
Watery Eyes and Granulated Eyelids. Illus
compounded by our Oculists-not sPatent Med
icine"-but used in success sful Physicians Prac
tice for many years. Now dedicated to the Pub.
lie and sold by Druggists at 25c and Soc per Bottle
Murine Eye Salve in Asepuc Tubes, 25c and Soc
Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Parlez-Vous Francais?

He-Does she speak French at all?
She-Well. yes; but only enough to
make herself unintelligible.-Judg
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Nothing Hard About That.

"The woman l marry" he said,
must be able to blush" ''Oh." she
replied, Il can do that. l blush every
time l am seen anywhere with
| you."-San Francisco Chronicle.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Its Nature.

Does anybody ever win at a tea
fght?"
"Of course not. 1t is a drawn bat
tle."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

In this present world there is only
one thing which will content it, and
that is music which sighs for the
ideal-Pascarel.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

1t often happens that when a man
knows his duty he tries to stave it
off by seeking advice.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

Virtue may be its own reward, but
the reward isn't always legal tender
at the corner grocery.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Small ENCOURAGEMENT

Kate-They say a woman is as old
as she looks.
Maud-Never mind, dear; we all
know you are only twenty-six.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

In every action, reflect upon the
end, and in your undertaking it con-
slider why you do it.-Jeremy Taylor.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
They Should.

My parents used to threaten to
beat some sense into my head"
Those idle threats that parents
never carry out should be discouraged
In every way possible"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Prove What Swamp-Rcot Will Do For You

Send to DR.. Kilmer & Co., Bingham
ton, n. Y, for a sample bottle. 1t will
convince anyone. You will also re-
ceive a booklet of valuable informa-
ton, telling all about the kidneys and
bladder When writing. be sure and
mention this paper. Regular tifty-cent
and one-dollar size bottles for sale at
all drug stores.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

No, Alonzo. a girl isn't necessarily
an angel because she is high flyer
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

Every one is liable to bilious attack. Be
forearmed with package of Garfield Tea.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

The man who makes hay when the
sun shines doesn't have to borrow
his neighbor's umbrella when it rains.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

Don't ask a girl for a kiss un-
less"
Unless you want one?"
mo, unless you don't"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

Some men give a dollar with one
hand and grab two with the other.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
NOT AN OBJECTION.

Mr.. Hardhead-I have called, sir, to
ask for the hand of your daughter.
Old Gentleman with emotion)-
She is the only child I have, and her
mother is gone.
Mr.. Hardhead (hastily)-Oh, that's
no objection, assure you.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Quite So,

PA, what is a tidy fortune?"
a clean, crisp, ten-dollar bill, my
SON."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
Probably No Exception

Jones has invented an airship."
Then it's bound to be success"
why SOP"
"All his other schemes have gone
up"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
The Reason for II,

THAT candidate certainly has a
skillful way of working on peoples
feelings"
But, then, you know, he's a dentist"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
COLDS AND CHILLS
BRING KIDNEY ILLS.

Colds, chills and grip strain the
kidneys and start backache, urinary
disorders and uric acid troubles
Doan's Kidney Pills are very useful
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

MIS-. Wtnslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces iniiamma-
ton, allays pain, cures wind collie, 25c bottle.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

AS a corrective for indigestion and regu-
iator of the system, no remedy can excel in
purity and efficiency Garfield Tea.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

The young man who marries an
heiress may not have to wait so years
in order to celebrate his golden we'd
ding.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets first put
up 40 years ago. They regulate and invig-
crate stomach, liver and bowels. Sugar
coated tiny granules
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

PILES CURED IN TO II DAYS
Your druggist will refund money If PAZO ONT
MENT fails to cure any case of Itching, Blind.
Bleeding or Protruding Piles in TO ID days. SOC.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

wait till tomorrow; but if you are go
ing to a noble thing, do it now.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

ONLY ONE "BROMO OUININE."
That is LAXATIVE e BROMO QUININE. Look for
the signature of Il: w. GROVE. Used the World
over TO Cure i Cold in One Lay. 25c.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
In Danger.

Griggs-So Bacheller is sick at the
hospital? Is there any cause for anx-
iety?
Briggs-Yes, he has a deucedly
pretty nurse.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

ITCH, ITCH relieved IN 30 minutes by
Woolford's Sanitary Lotion. At Druggists.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

Many a man can't afford to dress
well because his wife does.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29
For HE.DACHE-H,cks, CAPuD,NE

whether from Colds, Heat, Stomach or
Nervous Troubles, Capudine will relieve you
It's liquid-pleasaDt to take-acts immedi-
ately. Try it. 1Oc., 25c., and so cents at drug
stores,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1912-03-29

Hicks CAPUDINE is the best remedy-re
lieves the aching and feveriShness-cureSt the
Cold and restores normal conditions. It's
Iiquid-effects Immediately. 1Oc., 25c., and soc
At drug stores.