Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-09-19

Copyright. 1911. by North American Press
Syndicate.)
IHE LAST FLY OF SUMMER
lWlth apologies to Thomas Moore.D
Ills the last fly of summer.
Left huzzing alone.
All her lovely companions
Are sWatted and gone.
Not n of her kindred
OF smlnme survives.
They We given up ere now.
Their billions of lives.
III not leave thee. thou lone one,
TO stagger about,
Since they kindred are sleeping,
| must knock thee out.
Thus kindly I swat thee
Upon the bald head,
AS the mates. now all swatted,
Lie buZzless and dead.
So thou must follow,
Fly heavens thy goal,
Nc longer to crawl in
h old sugar bowl;
When true hearts are withered
And ones are flown.
Thou must not inhabit
h bleak world alone.
SOME THINGS WE HAVE NEVER
SEEN.
An automobile that was really run
ming at its best.
A bowlegged nan who could get
many dancing partners.
A book agent who didn't look as
though he was cut out for the min
istry.
A 10-cent glass cutter that would
work when YOU wanted 1t to.
A genuine diamond on the stage.
A society eader who wanted to have
her picture in the paper.
A barber who couldn't name every
champion since Jem Macee.
NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT.
A judge visited Il northern summer
resort recently and during the course
of his stay engaged the old landlord
In conversation.
Keeps YOU pretty busy all summer.
doesn't it?" asked the Judge.
"Oh, vas. tolerably busy was the
reply.
What do you do all winter"
We'll. IN tell you," said the old
man. "In the winter we sit around
and think and sometimes We just sit
around."'
HOW TO BE HAPPY.
Don't eat grape fruit without first
putting on a rubber suit.
Let somebody else buy and carve
the Thanksgiving turkey.
Take plenty OF exercise. There is
none better than shoveling coal into
the furnace.
Live a long distance way from
your second cousins.
Have -four aces every time you open
q jackpot.
Give your wife a stipulated sum
every week. even IL it is rs high
as rs cents.
Marry a widow with nine children,
all of whom are working.
ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER.
Some o. the greatest diction in this
world is inscribed on the tombstones.
There amt nothing in this life
which is SO alubrious as h toast
masters Introduction of a banquet
speaker, whether 1t is true or not.
There is only one social function
in this world where everybody pres
ent doesn't covet the place OF honor.
M that is a funeral.
High society in u village is get
ting higher than ever. The fellers
to the baseball games in the after
noon.
The onhandiest Teller in this world
is a street car motorman when he
tried to run an automobile.
The ambition of some fellers lives
is " ne AhSlleo up OIL liie stase ds a
committee to watch the professor as
he does his cabinet tricks.
Hold Peters sent to New York for
one of them newfangled stopwatches
to use at the county fair. He got a
genuine stopwatch. all right. for he
hasn't been able to make it run since
ne got 1t.
They say there is a reason for every
thing in this world, but. by gravy! I'd
4 k to know the reason for putin a
'g" on the front of 'gnat."
They say Indians. is uncivilized. but
I never see n unciviliZed enough to
wear whiskers.
The Japs can't afford to have a war
with the United States, because they
busy slidin' down tight wires and
kickin barrels up in the air.
I have heerd of fellers willin' their
bodies to medical ~observatories, but
Deacon Stubs. OF our midst. has
broke the record. He has willed his
diaphragm to the silver cornet band
to be used as a snare drum head. The
deacon is very fond of music.
The zebry, which is the mules half
brother. is a black sheep of the family,
as he always appears like a convict.
About the most unfortunate thing /
know OF Is fer a temperance lecturer
to git a boil on the end Of his nose.
Hank Purdy has no near relatives,
the nearest one he has lives way out
In Newbrasky.
never yet see the man that would
not buy a gold brick If it was done up
in the right kind Of package.
The Teller that knows every bar
lender in town by his first name some-
how or other never gifts his own name
on a list of bank directors.
see they are still chargin' 2 cents