The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1912-09-22

| Passenger: why are we so later
Guard; Well. sir. the train In front
was behind. and this train was behind
before besides."---Punch
An abstract noun" remarked the
! you can think OF, but not touch. Now
give me an example. "A Nd-hot
poker" remarked Freddy.
Adjusta BILE Authors-The most cheer
full author, Samuel Smiles; tho noisisst.
Howells. the taIiest- Lon sfsllow; the
most newsry. Hawthorne: the hottest.
Pope; the happiest. Gay the most
fiery Burns, the most talkative, Chat
terton; the most distressed, Akensfde. -
Chicago Times Herald
/ An old woman walked into a bank In
/ Inverness threw down her deposit
book. and said she wished to draw all
her money Having got II. she retired
70 corner of the room and counted 81
exclaimed "Ay. thatll doe. ma man
list PIT u back again only wanted
/ 70 see If II Was a RIGHT. Dundee
News.
Professor hahafy was once examin-
ms mar who had put himself down
az an "Agnostfc" on entering college
ne,. vas having hard time at
sages Ia a Greek book 4 beiisv.
thir.. said Mshafy. that YOU ara
aware an Asnothtic In reiigfoutb
matterth The man feshiy aeauiesosd
Il can quite sthurs you that YOU ~
an Agnothtic in Greek ath weii'
when soldier is confined la the
copy Of the crime is invariably handed
10 the commander OF the guard A
corporal having given an order one at
w w mo-, re. seemed disinciined to obey.
snarplst he shouted in ansrg tone.
ITS good job for YOU, me lad thst
! sant spell characterization. or I'd
shasr fon w the cl'nk' lguardrooml
LONDON weekly Telegraph
mother Joe. why do you sap,o.a
e eas, h ",a her persists in laying in the
she has aas seen noe the ,, Sno.her ! think
10 lay in your coal. Life
she You should have been at church
! az st tn.sr..,th minister preached such
! she Yes. YOU know IL was his denn.
as hsrefie -Lewistoa journal
Novice with great determina,sa.
after numerous attempts) I'm wtay
| here till HIT this bali" Cadaie. "w~ej
Va can get some ither laddie TO baud
yer sticks, fer this Is ma bath night -
Punch
/ had friend, a man whose mind
Was we'll stocked, but dtsovderfy-- Br
Stehhfns said OF haH-~i4h- puarent
wit. Smiths brain IS like a basket Of
eggs. no two ideas belong tosether"-
Horace Davis.
Il wish 10 complain. said the bride
about thai aour you seid me 1t was
tough" Tough. ma'ama" asked the
grocer. Yes, tough. I made pis with
It, and my husband could hardly cut
IT - Every hody's
Aunt Ethel: We'll. Beatrice: were
you very brave at tho dentists?+
Beatrice: syes suntie was" Aunt
Ethel; Then there's the half crown
I promised you Tell me what he did
to you . Ethel Tie pulled out two Of
Willies teeth.'-Punch.
| Tommys Aunt: Wont you have
con a sisitl NO. thank YOU" Tommy's
Aunt; You seem TO be suffering from
loss of appetite" Tommy. That amt
loss Of spp"tIte. what I'm suffering
from is politsnsss
An old Scotch fisherman was visited
du ring his last iilness by cIergyma n
who wore "a clos~dtting clerical waist
coat which huttonsd behind The
clergyman asked the old man IL his
I'm a rich. but there's just ae thing
that troubles me. and / cinns like to
speak OF" Il am anxious 10 comfort
YOU" replied the clergyman. Tell me
just ike, thia said the old man
eagerly Il Gamma for tho life o me
max cot hoo We manage tae get intae
that westkit"