davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05

81 ought to have some legends con-
nected with the place" said the land
lord. They bring trade, legends do.
There needn't necessarily be any truth
in them, you know"
Stick to the legend that you are
running first-class hotel" advised
the guest. THAT legend will catch a
few suckers every year"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
Too Bad.

so your brother Bill is dead? I'm
mighty sorry TO hear It, old man. How
long lad he been sick?"
Only about a week. But we al
ways kind of expected Bill TO go sud.
den"
And when is the funeral"
This afternoon"
We'll, well! It's too bad"
Yes. The cubs and giants are 60
lag to play a double-header."
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
Horrors of journalism.

Here's an item" observed Rivers,
who was looking over the exchanges,
ito the effect that the king Of Sweden
raises prize dogs on his farm"
Il suppose he uses them" suggested
Brooks. ito drive his Stockholm"
After which the rattle of the type
writer's broke out afresh with great
violence.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
An Endless Job.

Who are those fellows over in the
c5rner?"
They are Socialists"
They seem to be engaged in a very
earnest discussion"
Yes. I suppose they are trying to
invent new theories of government"
81 thought they had plenty of new
theories"
They did have, but the rest of the
people have caught up with them, so
they've got to invent more in order to
keep ahead"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
The Motor Murder.

What's your hard luck story, ho-
boz"
Il was a prosperous restaurant
keeper In New York. But that last
murder ruined me business"
AS to how?"
After that, every time an automo-
bile rolled up to me door. me patrons
all rushed out at the back"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
style Card Limitations.

Regstaff-Haye had to borrow some
money, have you? Well, you're
short story writer, all right
Percollum with some bitterness)-
Yes-and can't use that one, either;
they'd never let me stick a hyphen
between story and 'writerv"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
Entnrtalnlnd Him

"Mr. Spooner, think l like you bet
ter than any O the other felers that
come to our house"
why so, Bobby"
"'Cause when you give sister a box
O. candy she always turns 1t over to
me-"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
In the Railway Mall Car.

Here's a letter directed to Golf
Is tNfe any such station?"
Yes; there's one in Illinois. one in
Ohio, and think one in"
But this is addressed to Golf, Wis"
20, that's easy; send 1t to La
Crosse"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
Prepared,

Ihree of the girls In that family
nave brought suits for breach of prom
,se and all have gained their suits
no" 90 they manage It, / wonder?"
heep away from that house. Their
, -, has had dictagraph installed
u the parlor."
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
NekkE--N ~,<4.eN-.


Linen that was wrapped around
mummies 1000 years ago and is still
as good as new has been found in
Egypt by Prof. Flinders Petrie, 1t is
assumed that the linen has never dur
ing the 1000 years since It was first
used been sent to a laundry.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
The Winsome Widow.

she says her heart is buried. That
she can never love again"
And only yesterday heard her lis
tening intently TO mutt with side
whiskers who was telling her that
she looked beautiful In black"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
A Sordid Husband.
here are you OF to now :?

where are you off to now?"
"To my Shakespeare club, hubby"
What good has your Shakespeare
club done you?"
why, l have learned all about the
plays"
Bah" snarled her husband. IT
thought surely you'd get chummy with
some woman who owned a big auto
mobile"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
A Rare Event.

81 met Spenders just now"
Yes"
"He told me he was on his way
down town TO pay bill"
"Ah! Do you suppose the moving
picture rights would be worth any
thing?"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
No Help for Il.

The Dorkins iAmily had spent a
month at a summ<e resort.
John said Mrs. Dorkins, with ev-
cry indication of profound sorrow,
well have to stay here another
month. Here's letter from Mrs.
Jipes and she says they've just oiled
the street in front of our house"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05

OF modest dlfhdence ms cIaims pToItc-
ton,
A docile mind, subservient to correction,
A temper led by reason and reflection.
And every passion kept in due subsection;
Just faults enough to keep her from per-
lection.
Find this. my friend, and then make your
selection.
old recipe for selecting a wife.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
An Office UItImatum.

SON. we have a new typewriter"
Yes dad, and she's a peach"
know she is. Now / have no OBJ
lection to your falling In love with her.
u"' mat back correspondence must be
brought down to date first"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
True TO Form

When half way across the lake be-
tween Chicago and st. Joe Mr.. Maxim
'F"keS CHANGED to meet an old ac-
Quaintance.
why, Miss Gumwell," he said,
"nere did you-er-get aboard this
bOat?"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
Mean Brutel

She-T see that the Massachusetts,
legislature is going to impose yearly
fine OF $50 on all bachelors" He
well, It is worth it."-Cinciunati Ed
quirer.
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
Not So EoolIsh

You give all your money to your
N"e' Bah! You haven't much
sense"
"h' don't know. l think I'm i'm.
proving. | gave it to the bookmakers
Tor years"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05

How can you tell whether your all
tomobile is going faster than the law
| allows or not?"
Il can't tell. That's one Of the
! beauties of It,"
Mexico Missouri message., 1912-09-05
ZHekTFGnEN

lie grinding.

THAT will have cake out
AA OF wheat must needs larry AT
Ne grinding Shakespeare.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
Tips az Strike Breakers.

Not a few men who are accustomed
10 give liberal tips were heard to ex.
press themselves bitterly on the sub.
feet of the walters strike.
One of the managers at the Waldorf
was talking yesterday about hearing
one OF the bev-known brokers in New
York, known as n of the most gen.
erous tippers about the hotel, declare
emphatically that he had vowed never
again to tip a waiter who had struck.
Come doubt a expressed, and the
manager rushed away and brought up
the broker.
Yes, I said it," the latter agreed,
and, furthermore, l mean it. In the
course of the last twenty years l have
given away thousands Of dollars in
tips to waiters-never less than a
quarter, and sometimes as much as IS
at a time. Yet what did 1t count for
me to spend a lot of money on men
lust for bringing me q few plates of
food? Hereafter l shall ask every
man who serves me whether he was q
striker. II he was, I shall not give
him a cent. and I can tell you l have
talked with hundreds who feel just
the same as New York Sun.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
How the Red Pursuers Increased.

One day while the late Senator
Hearst father of William Randolph
Hearst, the publisher, was a youn.
man and yet had his fortune to make,
he and a few companions were on q
prospecting tour. AloEC in the after.
noon they sighted a band of Indians,
and as in those days all Indians wer,
hostile Mr.. Hearst and his friend;
naturally wanted to get away frorl
there. All the p~rospectors except the
future senator were mounted OF
horses. Mr.. Hearst was on a retired
army mule and soon found himself in
the rear.
The In&ans were on his trail and
things began to look serious when he
called out to his rapidly disappearing
companions: Hold on, boys! there's
only a few Of them-we needn't be
afraid"
Just then the mule scented the an
preaching Indians and with a wild
s"ort stalAed out with a gait that soor
left the horsemen far behind. When
Hearst was about a quarter of a mile
in advance he turned in his saddle and
yelled at the top of his voice:
Hurry up, boys; you'll get scalped.
There's more than a hundred oil
them"
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
OrIoIn Of MAoosIerU

When the Indiana Society of Chi.
:ago held its annual outing and feed
June l. Charles Healy told a new YER
sion OF how the term "Hoosier" came
20 be applied to Indianians.
AN old river pilot gave me the
story" said MI. Healy, land 1t sounds
sretty reasonable. In the early days
when Indiana was only sparsely set,
LED along the southern border, mos,
II the trading was done in the Ken,
lucky towns just across the river. Nat
Erally, when the settlers went to
own they cut up all sorts of capers
md one of the new stunts in those
lays was for a man to jump up in
The air and try to kick his heels to-
gether twice before touching the
ground,
"One day a crowd Of Indiana settlers
rrived in town, and some n of.
Tered to bet that a member of the In,
Llama crowd couldn't kick his heels
together twice and say 'Hussar' two
lines before coming down. He per.
formed the stunt all right, with the
exception of saying Hussar.' In his
excitement he mispronounced the
word and said 'Hoosier, Hoosier.'
That's how the famous nickname orig.
mated, according to the river pilot
and from that time on all Indiana peo.
pie were called 'Hoosiers.'"
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
Royalty on the Maps.

Now that the Princess Patricia has
given her name to the new district Of
Ontario, 1t may be said that the mem
5ers of the sovereign families of Brit
ain during the last three centuries
figure handsomely in the gazetteers Of
the-world.
Maryland was named in honor of
Henrietta Maria, whose husband grant
ed it to George Calvert, first Lord Bal
timore, and his heirs forever. The
Carolinas are named after Chatles H.,
While Georgia was named in honor of
George H.. in whose reign it was col
onized. An island was named after
Princess Patricia's great-great-grand-
mother. the good Queen Charlotte,
while wen the memory Of that rath-
er colorless lady, the wife of William
w., Is immortalized In the capital of
South Australia.
To come down to our own day and
generation, it is hardly necessary to
recall that the grandparents of
Princess Patricia, Queen Victoria and
Prince Albert. are lavishly commence
rated on the maps, or that her uncle.
lhe late King Edward is commence
rated. among other parts of the world,
in Antarctic lands. Probably no nom
royal parsonage recently living is so
Well assured of this form of immortal
ity as the late Cecil Rhodes.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
Painless Disiolntment.

Mr.. Little, In his book on MAZDA,
gascar, tells an amusing story of a
friend. who, on a journey from the
coast to the interior, was much trou.
bled by the curiosity of the natives.
Being a fine looking man with a flow.
Ing beard, he excited the admiration
and amazement of all. Natives crowd.
ed the doors of his hut and jostled
one another to get a peek through
convenient chinks, giving him all the
time their opinion of his eyes, nose,
and general appearance. In vain did
he shut the door OF his hut. They
crowded back again, and at last sat
down in rings outside the hut to dis.
cuss his want of good manners in
sending them away. At last the
stranger could stand It no longer.
1t was a bright moonlight night. He
suddenly rushed to the door of his hut,
threw 1t open, and with a loud shout
sprang toward the natives. At tha
same time he drew from his mouth
two rows of false teeth and waved
them In the air. The natives took one
look at the dreadful sight, and then
fed in horror from the presence Of "a
man who could take himself to
pieces"
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
Mats Made From Straw Mating.

In days gone by nearly every one
used straw mating on their sleeping
room floors, but this is the age Of
bare floors and mats. l have made
some nice mats from some mating
that I had once used on a floor. l Sc.
lected the best parts and cut them in
lengths varying from one yard and
three-quarters to two yards. l ravelled
the ends about four inches and tied
them in a double knot; that keeps
them from fraying any more and
makes a kind of fringe which 1 think
Is much nicer than hemmed ends. |
wash mine with salt and water, which
freshens them up wonderfully. These
mats are especially suitable for sleep.
ing rooms or for a strip for a hall.
They are very easy to handle they are
so light, and they are easy to sweep.
They look well on a hardwood floor.
The parts of my carpet that showed
signs of wear I converted into piazza
mats, so nothing was wasted. Mat.
ting makes excellent doormats for the
outside doorstep OF outside entrance
and o will be surprised how much
less sand gets tracked in.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
The Largest Candle.

The making of al ordinary domestic
wax or tallow candle is sufficiently
wonderful to the lay mind to excite
comment, but a candle has lately been
lighted in Rome that is II feet 3
inches in height, and will burn for six
years.
In various places of worship candles
ere used in their symbolic sense, can.
dies Of vast proportions, but the one
IN question Is a giant of It's clan. The
first step in the making Of this nam.
moth candle was to construct the wick,
q wick that would burn clearly and
Clearly, and need no snuf1ing.
Suspended by a derrick over a vat
Of boiling wax, the wick was dipped
no fewer than 200 times, till the re.
quired quantity of wax adhered to 1t,
and between each dip the wax picked
up had to dry of.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
Money to Loan on Real Estate
M. B. Cassell & Co Sherbrooke
Negro MusIc.

But if proof positive of a soul In the
negro people should be demanded. it
can be given, for they have brought
over from Africa and developed in this
country, even under all the ~unfavor.
able conditions of slavery. a music, so
wonderful, SO beautiful, and yet so
strange, that, like the gypsy music Of
Hungary, it is at once the admiration
and despair Of educated musicians of
our race. Unique and inimitable, it
is the only music of this country, ex,
.cept that of the Indian, which can
claim to be folk music. In it the ne.
groes pour out their joys and their
sorrows in naive but wonderfully NOV.
ing fashion; and in the face of such
testimony of emotional and ethical
beauty who dare deny them wider flu.
iture possibilities in the great work
of liberation of mind and soul which
is now going on?-Walter Damrosch,
in Southern Workman.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
How II Felt.

DR.. Joseph Eisenstaedt told the fol-
lowing story at a banquet given to Chi
cage physicians: Since the dentists
love to have their fun at the expense
Of the physicians I take pleasure in
returning the compliment with this
story. An Irish maid who was in the
service Of a we'll to do Chicago home
asked for an extra afternoon off.
When her mistress asked why, she ex-
planned that she had to go to the dem
list.
when she came home her mistress
asked: Well. Bridget, how did you
have your tooth 1lled?'
"I don't KNOW was the maids re.
ply.
Her mistress continued: Well, did
he fill it with silver or amalgam?'
az don't know how it was num-
was Bridget's bland reply, but from
the way 1t felt l should think 1t was
thunder and lightning. num-"
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
MONKS DINED WITH HERETO
Members Of Catholic Brotherhood All
Unwittlngiy Entertained the Fa-
nous Pere Hyacinthe.

Monsieur Nathan, the Jewish mayor
of Rome. has just placed in the capitol
the bronze mask of Pere Hyacinthe
Loyson, offered to the Eternal City
by the son Of the great preacher. Sew
eral times following his rupture with
the church Pere Hyacinthe returned
to spend the winter at Rome in COM
pany with his American wife. Dur
Ing n of his latest sojourns there
he yielded to a sweet mystifcation
which made some stir in the Catho.
lie brotherhoods.
1t was In a warm autumn morn
ing and the former friar, who was a
great walker, with others took as the
end of his excursion the little hut
of the Three Fountains" hidden In
the eucalyptus of which the monks
make an elixir as delightful as chart
reuse. The visit ended and the tour
lists departed for Rome. Our pilgrim
noticed that the hour was late.
Pressed by hunger he asked to dine
at the convent. His smooth face, his
Roman facial expression, his ecclesi.
astical dress. his bishoplike air, pro-
voked the brothers to a respectful at
tention. For this mysterious unknown,
whose incognito doubtless hid some
high dignitary Of the church, they Sc
lected a private dining room and put
the little dishes In the big ones" Sew.
eral Trappists, dedicated to their
vows to sec1ision, begged the honor
of serving him at table, and after
the priest had pronounced the bless
ing the father Of the convent himself
wished to share the love feast.
While knife and fork were at work,
there was some conversation:
"Of what diocese are you, my
father?"
"Of the diocese of the Gallican
church."
But of what city?"
I'm partibus inadelium" Tin heather
parts), says Pere Hyacinthe.
The hosts then allowed themselves
20 let slip some condolences. They
even criticised the state of the holy
mother church and spoke of "Pere
Hyacinthe" not without blame, but
with some sympathy. After a little
glass of %eucalyptine the guest made a
sign to the father of the convent that
he desired to speak to him alone.
After the brothers had withdrawn
from the room, he said: II am in
debted to you for al excellent COLA
ton and an hour of r~eminiscence. Ac-
cept this for your charity box. I am
Pere Hyacinthe." The good father
jumped back. hiding his face in his
hands. Then, spontaneously, he
pressed the hands of the hereto.
And now Pere Hyacinthe has re-
turned to Rome. Only according to
his former co-religionists he has mis-
taken; the route. In place of taking
the road to the vatican he has taken
that to the capitol.-Le Cri de Paris.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
OVERHEARD on THE STREET
The Sort Of Conversation That Occurs
Between Two Dear Friends Of
the Feminine Persuasion.

The two dear. dear friends had not
met in a long time. and when they at
last encountered each other on the
avenue they both began to talk
simultaneously, as follows:
First Lady-How perfectly jolly to
see you again! It seems ages since
we met. But after all it's not so
strange, because, you know, dear, I've
been travelling all winter. We spent
December in Italy, and about the first
Of January we went over to Egypt,
where we passed two perfectly delight
ful months, going to the Riviera in
March. We came back to America
about April 10th, and went Immediate
ly down to Aiken, where George got
In a lot of golf. and l just reveled in
the horseback riding. Later on we
came north again. and ever since l
have been resting up at mothers up
In the Berkshires. April is a trifle
early for that part Of the world, but
everything was 80 quiet, and l was so
tired from the constant travel, that It
was refreshing to the last degree up
there.
Second Lady-Why, you dear thing!
I haven't Been you for a month OF
Sundays-but that wasn't your fault.
| have had such a miserable winter
have hardly been out of the house a
minute. I very foolishly managed to
catch the whooping-cough from Tom.
my shortly after Christmas. and after
| got through with that the baby came
down with the measles, and again
was laid up, catching that infantile
disease myself, with the result that
when March came along and I was
able to go out I was so run down that
caught a terrible cold, which devel.
Dped into something very like pneu,
monia, and until a week ago last
Thursday 1 spent most of my time in
The. hands of two doctors and a train,
ed nurse.
pause for q long breath.)
First Lady. (resuming)-And how
nave you been all winter?
Second Lady simultaneously resum.
tng)-And where have you been all
this ttme-wintering in ,town?-Har
per's Weekly.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1912-08-08
AT "LosT AND FOUND DESK
Absent-Mlnded Women Make Much
Trouble for Clerks. Of Big New 1
York Hotels. I;

A woman hurried up to the lost and
found section Of the ONCE desk Of the
Waldorf-Astoria. She held up q gold.
mesh handbag.
II saw a woman who had this bag
in her, hand sit down in the corridor"
she said. "She got up q few minutes
later and went away, leaving it. l
thought she might return, 80 l kept
my eyes on 1t for a while; but now l
have got to go, and as she has not
come back l thought I had better turn
the bag in to you"
A few minutes later another won.
an came up to the same place and
asked whether anything had been
heard of a feather boa, which she was
sure somebody had stolen. After .
search the clerk produced the boa and
she went out of the hotel.
Fifteen minutes afterward q taxicab
driver entered and turned in at tho
office a feather boa which he said q
fare from the hotel had left in the cab.
To the clerk 1t looked familiar. He
examined 1t carefully. It was the
same boa that had been claimed only
q quarter Of an hour before.
Only a few minutes had passed
when a third woman rushed up. She
asked the clerk please to tell the hotel
detectives or the police or the news.
papers. or somebody, to ind q valu,
able fur mum which had been stolen
from her. She was positive she had
left 1t in her room. The clerk listened
attentively to her description. Then
he ducked under the counter and sol.
EMMY handed her the muf.
J "Why, where did you get this?" she
demanded.
1T was picked up in the corridor,
madam" was the reply.
She signed her name in the receipt
book and then went away in the same
haste she had come. When the clerk
looked up from the book he found
she had left her pocketbook on the
counter.-New York Sun.