The herald., 1912-04-18
Beecher's Keen Retort.

speaking on behalf of the Union IN
LIVERPOOL. The audience was unfriend
ly, and in the course Of his speech be
was interrupted by some one In the
crowd who called out: You said you
would smash up the southern army In
ninety days. Why didn't you do it?'
At this there was burst of laughter
throughout the house. and many gibe
was hurled at the speaker. Mr.. Beech.
er waited until the audience had quiet.
ed down and then said, My friends, il
the rebels had been Englishmen we
would have done it, Those men In
gray were Americans OF the purest
blood.
Hermit Life of an Umpire.
"Umpires travel incognito as far as
possible" writes Hugh Fullerton In
the American Magazine. They are
under strict orders never to discuss
games, teams or players, not to associ-
ate with the players except when nee
essary, and they live in obscure hotels.
They travel in pairs and seldom can be
found when off the field. Sometimes
exigencies in the schedule force them
to travel on the same train with some
club, but even then they avoid the
players. Occasionally one will stop In
the teams car for brief chat, avoid
ing mention Of baseball, but usually
they hasten on, because the players
seldom overlook the opportunity to tell
the umpires something they forgot to
say on the field"
How Clouds Get Their Frinses.
Professor Tyndall used to explain to
popular audiences. with the aid Of a
brilliant experiment, that the blue col
or Of the sky is owing to floating par
ticles of invisible dust that break up
and scatter the short waves, which are
the blue waves. of light. This occurs
principally at great elevation, where
the atmospheric dust is extremely fine,
while in the lower regions of the air.
where the dust is coarser. the scatter
ing affects all the rays. or colors.
alike. The brilliant fringes Of clouds.
seen nearly in the direction Of the sun.
are largely due to dust. which espe-
cially accumulates in the neighbor-
hood of clouds and refracts the sun.
light around their edges.
Planked Him.
II put a new man to work the other
day." said well known contractor to
a party of his friends. and left him in
charge Of the foreman. 1t was a class
Of work the man wasn't exactly used
to, but l thought he would make out
all right. After having seen him safe
y started visited another job and on
returning met John limping away.
Where are you goingy l asked him.
~ got hurried and am going home
for the rest Of the day. he replied.
II asked him what happened, and
here Is his version Of the accident:
81 put my foot on a plank. and the
plank wasn't there: then me and the
plank fell down together. and the plank
broke me leg Duluth News.
The Radiant Boy" Ghost.
An interesting house of commons
ghost is the radiant boy" This
child ghost has been many times seen
and heard. Its complexion is of the
colorless purity Of Chinese white. a
halo of silver sparkles about its head
during its peregrinations, and its eyes
CLEAN in their sockets like bright cleo
trio lamps. 1t Is evidently In agony,
for the palms Of its hands are stiff
and turned downward, and as it PAGES
from room to room it gives utterance
to means Of anguish and never lifts
its gaze from the floor. So far as can
be ascertsined this particular ghost
has no pre-spectral history. and why
1t should have chosen the house for
its haunt is a mystery.-London Mail.
A Prophecy That Failed.
The old Emperor William used to tell
story against himself which well
serves to illustrate that most gratui-
tous form of error, prophecy" When
the emperor was only king Of Prussia
he saw one day among his troops an
untidy looking lieutenant. who is
that manT be asked. An officer" he
was told. who has just left the Dan
ish service and joined the Prussian."
THAT man will never get on in the
army" said the monarch, and he used
to add in telling the story. THE man
was Moltke. and my judgment Of him
gives you the measure of my insight"
Goldfish Aristocracy.
The term Goldfish aristocracy" is an
Americanism and originated In a dis
tinction made by the early Dutch set
tiers Of New York city between the old
"Knickerbocker families" and the
down east" merchants who had
grown rich in the whale and Goldfish.
cries. the latter being classed as the
Goldfish aristocracy."-Kansas City
Times.
Broad Enough.
A large and stout woman called on n
friend and while waiting for her was
stared at so intently by the friends
little children that she asked one of
them:
what are you staring at. little grip"
"Why. you see, mamma said YOU
were so narrow in your views, and
was wondering what view she got"-
Philadelphia Ledger.