davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
JAYHAWKER JOTy

A Wichita bootlegger is receiving
loyal support. A bunch of DRINKS, ar
raigned before the police judge of that
place, claimed they were intoxicated
on hard cider.
Walter Johnson, the great pitcher of
the American League, is picking up a
little money in southern Kansas towns
pitching exhibition games. Up to
date only four towns have claimed him
for a native son.
AS the Fowler Gazette has figured
it out: If we thanked our friends for
their favors as often as we say mean
things about our enemies for their dis
favors, we would have far more
friends and fewer enemies.
Mrs. Frank Virus of HeidIeburg,
Smith county, is trying her hand at
shucking corn, and is bringing in 70
bushels day. And the Athol Record
rightly inquiries: would not that put
q bunch of town bench-warmers to
shame?"
A Horton man claims to have raised
the champion beet of Kansas this year.
1t was two and one-half feet tall and
weighed ten pounds. Some enterpris-
ing Kansas editor should now tell
about the champion dead beat and go
him one better.
Here's a hint to folk who are ''off''
on their feed, from the Holton Sig
nal: A Holton woman who ordinarily
has an appetite like a canary bird
and has kept everything in the house
eaten up ever since.
The charivari fool with the gun that
is supposed to be loaded with a blank
popped up again last week at Willis.
One of the brides brothers shot her
in the knee. If it had been the groom
instead of the bride he might have
mad hard time explaining that he
didn't do 1t on purpose.
Related by the Great Bend Tribune:
A local physician who is inclined at
times to be something of a "joIlier"
ran up against the real thing the 9TH
er day in repartee and admits that he
was decidedly outclassed. He had ask
ed an acquaintance how he felt and
then added the information, for the
benefit of the bystanders, that he had
forgotten that man had to have
something under his hat before he
could be affected. 1t drew a laugh all
right, but it was not in it with the
laugh that followed when the other
man replied to the physician, We'll, I
don't remember seeing your name on
any of the books in the library but
I've seen the results of lot of your
treatment out in the cemetery
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

IFrom the Chicago News.1.
A busy tongue is responsible for much
idle talk.
Faith in your own ability is two-thirds
of the battle.
Most of the doormats with Welcome
on are dirty liars.
The only noiseless typewriter yet discov
cred is deaf mute.
Never put off till tomorrow the favor
you can do us today.
When a girl screams on getting kissed it
is usually in whisper.
Anyway trouble never lodges up an
alley when man is looking for it.
Do a friend a favor and he will think
he is doing you a favor in letting you
do it.
An egotiSt is man who believes that IL
he were to hide his light under bushel
the whole world would be in darkness.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
SAYS UNCLE CIV

Now that the election is over and
your man has been triumphantly elect
ed or whalloped to a good old fashioned
American standstill, now that the bay
of the politician is stilled and the faith
full are fighting over the pie, it's good
time for you and me and the
other neighbors to go out and sit down
on the woodpile and look matters
squarely in the face.
AS a matter of fact, there's no place
like the woodpile for getting at the
truth of matters, AS Ez Springer used
to say back in Puckyhuddle, if you'll
sit on a pile of hickory and smoke long
enough, somebody's going to forget and
tell the plain undreSSed truth. And the
naked truth about us is that we get ex-
cited every four years trying to apply
political nostrumS to a lot of aggraVat-
ed civic symptoms that don't respond to
political treatment. You can't cure a
broken leg with liniment, as old Doc
Souders said when he yanked the off
hind member of Deacon Simmons back
into shape with a pop that could be
heard clear to the postofhce, and if
there's one thing we Americans are long
on it's liniments for fractures.
Not long ago we were making a noise
that sounded like a catamount's love
song about the high cost of living.
Beefsteak for instance-it costs me
three times as much for beefsteak as
it did thirty years ago. And since my
appetite has been educated up to a
sirloin cut from the ample frame of
fat-dripping pure bred, I wouldn't eat
a cross section of leathery longhorn at
any price. Neither would you, nor the
washerwoman. Rubber steak has gone
out of fashion, even in the comic
weeklies.
1t costs more for house rent nova
days than it did twenty years ago.
But there's a street car line a block
away, the family wash tub no longer
does duty for the family bath, the
furnace has eclipsed the old wood
stove and the smoking coal oil lamp
has given way to the incandescent
The clothes you wore when the eldest
was babe you wouldn't give to the
ashman now. TheE kept out the cold
and you thought them good enough in
those days; but now you've got to have
the latest cut and the popular color
cause You can't get it for SO. And so
it goes
It's all right to bust the trusts If
you can. Don't pay any more than you
have to, and keep a club laid up for
the man who wants more than his
share. But while you are getting ready
to whack the dividends out of the cor
poratfon remember for the peace of
your soul that if it costs you more to
live now, you're living better, and you
wouldn't go back to the rubber steak,
WaShtub- in kitchen on Saturday.
s-shoddy-Sunday-clo stage of
existence If you could get it for moth
ing, with free passage to heaven as a
premium coupon.-(Copyright 1912, by
the mcclure Newspaper Syndicate)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
MY BOY.


Gone is the loud din and noise,
Put away are all the toys.
All youthful things are out of sight,
One can't find a ball or kite.
No cap lays on the parlor chair,
No jacket on the front hall stair.
No one slams the kitchen door,
No one spots the hallway floor.
I strain my ears to catch the sound
OF footsteps down the stairway bound
But all is quiet overhead;
1 cannot hear the slightest tread.
I miss my boys loud, CHEEKY call,
His whistle, merriment and all.
I miss the boyish face SO dear,
The big gray eyes, serene and clear.
You wonder that 1 am not sad
And that my heart is very glad?
You think L should regretful be,
AMI in my loss no goodness see?
To you the secret 1 will tell,
Assuring you with me all'S well;
My boy has grown to manhood tall,
So 1 am happy after all,
Olive Martin, in National Magazine foT
October.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Opportunity's knock is an invita-
ton to work.
1t is very unusual for a man to
forego chance to make a speech.
= y
Nor need many people worry over
the fact that little wisdom is dan
gerouS.
Past performances count for a good
deal more than promises for the flu
ture.
Getting on the right side of a per
son is easy enough, but the rub
comes in staying there.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
DAFFYDHS
BY q. NOALL.

If Jack, the sailor, used a mega
phone what would the sailors horn
pipe?
(Arrest that man for recklessness.
He's the boob that put the speed in
speedway
If the average American totes
around thirst are the natives of
Austria Hungary?
CAS- Dat Abar says: A set of false
teeth is an emblem of time.)
Would you call bed made out of
fruit an apricot?
q don't care. Call a cop.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Some of the French reformers seem
to have slipped one over on their pro-
totypes in this and other countries
by beginning a crusade for short finger
nails. 1t appears that the long nails
are harbors for such germs as stall
phylococcus, micrococcus, radiatus,
streptococcus and a variety of others
that have not yet been identified. And
cooks, walters. grocery clerks and
butchers, the French reformers insist,
naturally scatter this bacteria around
promiscuously in the food they ham
die. If these germs are as dangerous
as their names are fierce, the fight for
short finger nails should become world
wide.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

successful way to get anywhere.
BEGINS to look like the Balkans
would celebrate an American holiday
And they will have the advantage OF
Americans in the fact that they don't
have to take cranberries with it.
To the candidates, election is like
having sore tooth pulled-feels bet
ter when it's over.
The third term bunch had three
tickets in Pennsylvania-one for eacn
term. But, outside of that and the
fact that it is the abiding place or
Boss Finn, Pennsylvania is all right.
The copy boy, who is a close stud
ent of geography and a fine little pro-
nouncer says that in Fort Tchataldja
the ''j' is silent, as in cheese" or
squirrel"
And, after delivering that ultima
tum, he got his chemicals and monkey
wrench and began an investigation of
the word "Tchorlu.''
Anxious inquirer: Our private opin
ion is that it grew there and further
more that the crust around it is
mighty thin.
According to historians, the first
American suffragette occurred about
three hundred years ago. We know
not whether or nix she ante-dates
Miss Pocahontas, who will be remem-
bered as having cast the vote that
elected Jawn Smith.
The gentlemen who have been
measured for jobs will sleep better to-
highland the also-ranS might as
we'll.
The boob statistician who alleges
that 25 per cent of the divorces are
caused by mothers-in law, is away off.
1t is a known fact that no woman
would ever get a divorce if it weren't
for the men.
Man is always willing to obey his
wife's slightest wish-if she makes it
slight enough.
Governor Wilson referred to the
election as leaving the case in the
hands of the jury" The difference is
that the jury always finds somebody
guilty, but doesn't name the unfor-
tunate defendant until the testimony
is all in.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
HUMOR or THE DAY

Tailor's Retort-"Clothes don't make
the man. said the careless customer
NO" replied the tailor, ruefully. But
some men have a queer look about EN-
that makes 'em the ruination of a suit
of clothes. ''-Washington Star.
pallet tells me his work has been hung
she paint, too?'' NO; she takes in wash
ing."-Baltimore American.
Young Lady-what is the secret Of your
happy life with both your husbands-two
such different men? Old Lady-Why 1
guess 1 wasn't fussy over tribes Aho
then 1 let them have their own va, way
did.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Uncle Ezra-These women are always
wanting something. Uncle Eben-Thats
right NY wife's Fostering me to death
to buy more land. She says the ten-acre
field amt big enough 20 naTs season INC
Puck.
ba,16" @YoI would?" Eyes; If 1 thought
tbera was any chance I'd shy my hat
into the ring" Let me see lne rins'
said the girl.-Washington Herald.
otIow did you come to bid so extrava-
gantIy on so poor hand? -. asked eG the
patient t,,,5 partner art .you didn't Suppose Wes
Going to let that woman on my right
have the last word. did you?'-Wsshing-
ton Star.
Didn't Stay Put.-Irate Woman Ito bird
dealer)-As for you, you're THEFT All
those canaries you sold me yesterday flew
eIUav this morning. "-Sourire.
$50 you don't believe that truth is at
+1,e bottom of a well?" asked the ready
made philosopher. mo" replied Senator
Sorghum; ''if it were so many of us
xvo,Ildn't have to climb a tree to get out
of ia reach. washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

doesn't make it so. Mr.. Dixon said that
Mr. Roosevelt would be given the Re-
publican nomination. More recently he
declared that Mr.. Roosevelt's election
to the presidency was just as certain
as anything could be. In other words,
Mr.. Dixon has a fondness for talking
through his hat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
REFLECTIONS OF a BACHELOR

IFrom the New York Press.1
All men want to get money; mighty few
want to earn it.
The richest father failed to do his duty
to his family by not being richer.
The reason girls want to see men hurt
in football is they can be sorry for them.
What makes a girl so independent is
how safe ii is fer her to be bow-legged in
stead of stoop-shouldered.
1t takes a woman to despise her hus-
bands opinion of the clothes of her sex,
but always to ask him for his about hers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

MIsDIRECTED REsEARcu


There have been various methods
employed by humanity in dealing with
W1ckedness and crime. But an Okla
homa woman has come into promi-
hence by adopting what is perhaps
the most unique method of preventing
crime that is on record in the worlds
history. She shot and killed her 10
year-old son in order Ito protect him
from the wicked world" Some of
these educational sharks who are
making careful research for bones of
lost animals that will never harm
anyone in this world or any other, are
making the greatest mistake of their
lives in abusing their time. They
should be establishing a laboratory
with research facilities to find out
why 1T is that red blooded human be-
ings get so far off their trolleys that
they believe they can prevent crime
Dy committing crimes. Suicide is said
to be one brand of insanity 1t may
De true But apparently sane men
and women have been known to COM
init suicide. The fervor for self-de-
struct1on as a means to prevent an
END has never been fully explained.
RMS woman's crime was far worse
than suicide. Things like these show
the urgent need of more sanity COM
missions and compulsory care of
such patients.-Ottawa Herald.
ABOUT TRUANCY.
Nothing is more honorable than for a
boy or girl to remain out of school for a
day to help about the home If really
needed, but there are too many boys ana
girls missing day out of school now and
then when they should be in school, The
truancy officer is receiving too many calls
If some one had to pay a fine it might be
a lesson to some parents who are per-
uniting their children to remain out of
school for almost nc reason. If parents
wound only stop and consider, they would
realize that 1t is not what the boy earns
before he is 20 that counts in life. JJp to
that time he can well afford to give his
time to preparation. Let him get ready
for the work that the world will demand
of him. He can afford to be pinched for
spending money, for clothing. for lux
ur1es, and for good times while in his
teens, in order to make preparation for the
battle that is sure to- come. He would
better shipwreck some of the youths good
times rather than shipwreck life Many
a young person is hindered rather than
helped by too much spending money. The
time is here when the young man who
goes into the world without at least a
good common school education, wei
soaked in, is going to be handicapped all
the rest of his life. He may become wise
In the ways of the world but no amount
of such wisdom can ever equal a good
practical education that can be had by
all. Ignorance is one of the mainsprinss
of poverty and crime"-Newton Kansan-
Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Colonel Roosevelt told those en-
thusiastic New York audiences of his,
that were held up by his friends as
sure tokens of the victory that would
be his in the Empire state and coun-
try, that he would sooner have their
votes than their cheers. 1t appears,
however, that he only received their
1hearS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Present indications are that the men
of Kansas did their full duty by their
better-halves, their sisters, their
cousins and their aunts. 1t only seems
to be a question of by how large a
majority has the woman's suffrage
amendment carried
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Provided Brother George Perkins mas
any funds that were not dew oured by
the ominverous Bull Moose, he will
probably pack up his goods and chattels
and move his family to some other land
where hrs children can be reared under
q desirable environment
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

What might have BEEN" is undoubt-
eddy refrain that is ringing in the
ears of many gentlemen who were can
didates for office yesterday and whose
prospects of victory were most rosy in
their own ewes
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

If the Turkish authorities know when
they are we'll off they won't permit
the massacre of any Christians in Con-
stantinopIe by some of their fanaticaI
subjects who desire to wreak some
sort of vengeance for the Turkish de-
feats at the hands of the Balkan al
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

If you don't like the noise, jump into
bed and cover up your head. But the
Democratic donkey has a perfect right
to hee-haw and hee-haw as long as he
pleaseS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Turkey is crafty in asking the Eur
opean powers to assist her in bringing
about an armistice. If she can get
them to take out advisory chips in
the game, they, of course, will demand
a share Of the booty, and this Will
keep the Balkan states, Turkeys
cordially hated enemies, from enjoy
ing all the spoils of the war.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

The owner Of a train chimpanzee
that died on a train asks the railroad
company to recompense him to the
extent of $500, 900. Otherwise he may
have to go to work.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal In a member Of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report OF that great news or
RanfxAtion for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka
The news is received in The State Jour-
AL building over wires for this sole pS1r-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Mr.. Roosevelt said he was going 20
break up the Solid South. Politically
speaking, though, it looks like the
Mason and Dixon line had been moved
up all the way to Manitoba.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

From the grain marts came the
news that wheat was nervous dur
ing the day before and on election
day. That, however, was no more
than a normal condition for that
T1eriOd
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Nothing can be more true than that
modern invention has greatly increased
the horrors of war. The Balkan states
are using automobiles against the
Turks
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Now that the Balkan states have
Turkey on it's knees, they ought to
have no trouble in getting it's head
on the chopping block and finishing
the Job in short order.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Presumably, Colonel Roosevelt and
his friends are still standing at Ar
mageddon. And, incidentally, they are
standing still.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

There is no field of human activity
where the unusual does not happen
occasionally. Two railroad trains
which collided in Kansas City recently
were running slowly at the time.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

From the viewpoint of the winners,
at least, the nation has again been
saved.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Inasmuch as all the experts in the
premises are agreed that the election
was decided by it, there will be no
grounds for protest if the silent vote
INDUCES in a crow or two.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

A woman, suing for divorce, says
she misses her dog more than her
husband. Perhaps that's the trouble.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Just because Senator Dixon, one of
Mr.. Roosevelt's campaign managers,
declares that the Bull Moose party mas
supplanted the Republican party, that
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

More expert testimony is available
today that men do not vote as they
cheer and talk. If you're in doubt
about this, ask any of the defeated
oandida4aS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Miss Yellowleaf-Yes, ours is very old
family You know, we came over in the
Mayflower- Miss Caustique-Indeed! And
Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Customer-What have you in the way
of summer fiction? NewsdeaIer-We
have the platform of all the parties and
the candidates speeches.-Life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
RY THE WlY
By HARVEY PARsO1GR

Indications are that a lot of per-
fectly good voters followed the ex-
ample set by the Helpful Hen.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06
FROM OTHER PENS
AGRICULTURAL SCHOOLS.

AGRICULTURAL SCHOOLS
The agricultural schools of America are
receiving the attention of foreigners. We
are informed by a party of Englishmen
who have been in this country for some
time, that there are no such schools
anywhere else in the world; that our
agricultural colleges are adding millions
and millions of dollars to the wealth of
the United States, and that they are so
thoroughly practical that they are to be
duplicated in England. In reporting the
conditions found in this country, the Eng
fish commission states that 1.-The unrival-
ed position or Wisconsin In the produce
ton of cheese and butter is the direct re-
suit of the scientific teaching happily
welded to prudent Legislation Then it
calls attention to the fact that the agri-
cultural college of Wisconsin has added
many millions of dollars to the wealth
creating the increased output of cheese
and butter. Like everything else that is
a true reform, the agricultural schools of
this country have not been established
without opposition. There are still many
who ask ,"Can agriculture be taught?"
and every appropriation for every agri-
And yet it takes a foreigner but a
few weeks to understand that we have
no institution in this country paying it's
way to a greater extent than are our
schools of agriculture.-Joliet Herald.
NOT THE LAST WORD.
The New York, which for short time
is to be the nations greatest battleship,
has been launched and the people of the
United States are justly proud The New
York will have a displacement of 2S,367
tons and will carry ten I-inch guns as
her principal armament. She will cost
SO, 900 900. 1t is possible that when com
pleted she will be the most powerful
battleship afloat. This Is a matter for
experts and it depends on many things,
on the quality of the guns she carries
and the American standard is not yet up
to the German-on the efficiency Of her
gunners, on the judgment used in de-
signing her. But she will not be the
largest battleship afloat, at least not
for long. Brazil has today under con-
struction a battleship which is to be of
81, 600 tons displacement carry dozen
14-inch guns, and cost S14500,0O0. Chile Is
building two 80, O00-ton ships each to carry
ten 14-inch guns. This is not in the way
of disparagement of the American
achievement in naval construction, but
simply to call attention to tie futility of
the plans of those who pirate about the
last word in battleship building.-Detroit
Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

Standing at Armageddon is not a
successful way to get anywhere.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

BEGINS to look like the Balkans
would celebrate an American holiday.
And they will have the advantage of
Americans in the fact that they don't
have to take ranberries with it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-11-06

To the candidates, election is like
having sore tooth pulled-feels bet
ter when it's over.