Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1912-08-20

II Wl0L you 30 anXlOuS 10 De IN
Utah for, Tosdick ?" Ashton asked, sus
piciously. "You go on to Frisco, dom,
you?"
Fosdick was evidently confused a,
the direct question. He tried tc
dodge it: Eyes, but-funny how things
have changed. When we started, no
body was speaking to anybody except
his wife, now"
Now" said Ashton, drily, every
body's speaking to everybody except
/ his WIFE" ~
You're wrong there" Little Jim,
mic interrupted. Il wasn't speaking
nile interrupted. * wasn't speaking
to my wife in the first place We go
on as strangersh and we're strangersl
yet. Mrs. Well'n'ton is "a"
"A queen among women, we know
Dry up" said Ashton, and then they
heard the querulous voice of the por
ter Of their sleeping car: II tell you
I don't know nothin' about the buffet
business"
The conductor pushed him in with
a gruff command. Crawl in that cage
and get busy"
"Still the porter protested: "Mista
Pullman engaged me for sleepin'
car, not drinkin' car. I'm berth
maker, not a mixer" He cast a re-
sentful glance through the window
that served also as bar. and his
whole tone changed: "Say, is you
goin' to allow me loose amongst all
you do, I can't guarantee my con
duck"
them beautiful bottles! Say, man. ii
III you even sniff one of those bot
ties" the conductor warned him, III
crack it over your head"
THAT won't worry me none-ae
long as my mouf's open" He smacked
his chops over the prospect of init
macy with that liquid treasury,
"Lordy! Well, I'll try to control my
emotions-but remember, l don't guar
antee nothin'."
The conductor started to go, but
paused for final instructions: "And
remember-after we get to Utah We
can't serve any hard liquor at ALL"
whats that? Don't they low moth
in in that old Utah but ice.cream
|soda?"
That's about all. If you touch
drop, Ill leave you in Utah for life."
"Oh, Lordy, I'll be good!"
The conductor left the excited black
and went his way. Ashton was the
first to speak: "Say, Porter. can you
mix drinks?"
The porter ruminated, then con.
fessed: well, not on the outside, no.
sir. If you-all is thirsty you better or,
der the simplest things you can think
OF. II you want to command anything
fancy, Lord knows what you'd get.
Supposin' you was to say, Gimme a
Tom Collins I'd be just as liable as
not to pass you Jack Johnson"
, well, can you open beer?"
! "Oh. I'm a natural born beer
opener"
Rush 1t out then. My throat is as
full of alkali dust as these windows"
! The porter soon appeared with a
tray full of cotton-topped glasses. The
day was hot and the alkali dust very
oppressive. and the beer was cold. DIR.
Temple looked on it when 1t was am
Der, and suffered himself to be bullied
into taking a glass.
! He felt that he was the greatest sim
ner on earth, but worst of all was the
fact that when he had fallen, the for
hidden brew was not sweet. He was
inexperienced enough to sip it and it
was like foaming quinine on his pal
ate. But he kept at it from sheer
shame, and his luxurious transgres-
sion was its own punishment.
The doleful Mallory was on his way
to Join the "club." Crossing the yes
tibule he had met the conductor, and
had ventured to quiz him along the |
old lines:
Excuse he, haven't you taken any
clergymen on board this train YETI"
Devil one"
Don't you ever carry any preachers
on this road?"
Usually we get one or two. Last
trip we carried q whole Methodist.
"A whole convention last trip! Just
my luck!"
The unenlightened conductor turned
to call back: "Say, up in the forward
car we got a couple of undertakers.
They be Of any use to you?"
mot yet"
Then Mallory dawdled on into the
room, where he found his
own porter. who explained that he
had been promoted to the bottlery."
do We come to a station stop
Boon?" Mallory asked.
well, not for considerable inter-
val. Do you want to get out and walk
up and DOWN."
II DON'T" said Mallory. taking from
under his coat Snoozleums. whom he
had struggled past the new conductor.
Meanwhile, Porter, could you give
him something to eat to distract
him?"
The porter grinned, and picking up
bill of fare held it out. Il got a
neenuel. It amt written in dog, but
'ou can explain it to him. What would
70 canine desiah. sah?"
Snoozleums put out paw and NAL
ory read what it Indicated: "He says
led like a fllet Chateaubriand, but If
7ou have any old bones, he'll take
hose" The n0rter gathered SnoOz1e-