davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
The Real Trouble,

"Oh. Doctor. sighed the patient, Il
am SO glad you have come. ! feel
dreadful. and don't know what In
the world Is the matter with me My
husband says II is nothing but nerv-
GUS Indigestion. but his mother Is posi-
tive | am going 10 have appendicitis,
and my mother declares | have inter.
mittent fever. and my sister says II
looks TO her like creeping paralysis. and
Aunt Henrietta says I've gol malaria.
What do yau mink I've got, de'tor;"
We'll" frowns the physician. From
these SYMPTOMS should say offllan
that you lave too many relatives. -
Chicago Past
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
LIFE ON A BoER FARM.
The House Chamber Of Horrors. the
Housewife hoPs.ss.iy Gull.

IN AUtl tein woman travelling In
South Afriga was detained by Hoods
and conipe.lad 10 srend month on a
ROrs iarili. The first nights monotu-
ny she writes. was bruken by Tie
roaring Uf tAe oS;iiches under our win
dow. We thenshl IL was a tame lion
The farmer aud his family lived
rhieiiy on seur bread and sour skim
milk. aud WAS therefore hungry
must Of the time. aud the ripe tigS
hanging in clusters were pretty allut
ing. After pushing back the skin OF
the liz and enjoying the soft fruit,
With its tropical taste, had refresh
ing nights sleep. only To awaken in
the morning pretty well scared. for my
.ongue was so swollen and black that
coaid not talk
''fhe BOer wife laughed and enjoyed
my discomfort and explained that the
skin of the fig had numerous tue
thorns and had not been careful to
remove them when eating.
When | told the farmers wife that
liked buttermlk In quantity | no-
ticed that | had cupfuI or ~ given
me. but she threw il by the pailful to
the pigs. They We're of far nure con.
sequence to her than |, FOR they would
stay longer with her aud were her II,
inillars. was not.
Then. again, when was hungry for
butter on my bread white. clammy
substance made from Sleeps tail fat
was handed To the. and | could not al
low the farmers wife to see me CULVER
She sold her butter In the village close
by ut - cents pound, more or less
| Sour bread and green SRA wberries
| plenty OF theml were considered good
enough
This Boer family was one of the
| wealthiest of their kind. There was
not a ripple OF fun or exuberant life
In anything but the live stock Con-
versation was dead language un.
known.
| THE women are mute beings &C.
centing their destiny with deep still
ness. The wife gives up her strength
to the limit. and dies after giving birth
1 " "a doGCd VI ihoiC w inc
| way for wife No 2. who gives another
dozen children TO her country. Her
adobe house, with its dirt floor made
Of ant hill clay mixed With beef gull
IL a chamber of horrors to an Ameri
can traveller.
"Tbe farmer depends upon his ten or
eighteen children Of all sizes TO help
him. A Kattir rs an employee Is undo
| pendahle as the winds that blow. YET
that Kafir il the hired man In the
mines aud elsewhere IN South Africa
The white man az day laborer Ia q
general future. He cannot be worked
IN DRIVES i'ke the Kaff1r from the in
terror. whose language. in clicks ant
vowel sounds. is hardly human.
1.-THE Boer Is not long lived One
seldom met m aged Boer Of the ole
stock. Dom Paul Kruger who was
seyenty.fye years old when he died
was an exception Hatred toward tn,
uftlander and the. lust for gold ant
power were what kept the fires Of liz,
burning 1T white heat within him
Health Culture.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Music Kills Men Youns.

Painting and sculpture are con6u-
Give to long life. Yet music kills men
young. Schubert. with all bis wealth
Of song. died at thirty one: Mozart.
who danced and laughed his melodies
into being. died mt thirty nve. the name
age az Bellini: Bizet. the composer Of
Carmen" died. like Purcell. az thirty
seven; Mendelssohn Survived to thirty
eight: Chopin. who loved life ~ welt
had done with It at thirty nine. willis
Weber expired at the age Of forty and;
Schumann AT forty-six. Hut Verdi;
lived and fourished as a nonagenarian.
London Standard. ~. e;,s.ss,.. 49,.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
A WorH TO Study.

Snallpaardplo szoondperspcorwegpi
roo!riitung that's the technical an0
locally accepted name OF the aut0m"
bile IN Flanders. Smell mote thit
the second letter is u. not ml mea1s
"rapid" "paardelOos means horse
less. "Zonndearspoorweg" Is the rec
ognized way OF describing thing
without rails" and. finally, 'pitrool'
riitung" Implies Il thing driven by
petroleum - you have II. qnite SIM
ply. and mere white whizzers and drah
devils are uutclasSed. Hut how'd YOU
Ike 10 be hit by real 'sneipaarde-
loosz" etc. Z: ~. Louis Republic
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
FOREST FIRES.
They Are Sometimes a Gain to Those
Who Own the Timber.

VINO S"h Nhe timber.
People who have read accounts of
great forest freS may he SURPRISED to
learn that. in place of loss, su, b fires
are sometimes n gain 10 tire owner
The loss in lumber If cut w;iidn a few
years il small, aud tue removal of un-
derbrtish reduces the cost OF lumber
ing
That forest fire could In any way
he benefit ana not an injury seems
50 novei that some proof Is necessary.
The statement has been made that
more timber Is destroyed by fire every
year than Is converted into lumber.
A. Il matter of fnct. the report of the
forest srrvire declares the actual fire
loss in national reserves for the last
thrre years ilis amounted to only one
lenjA ~ ] per cent, From some fifty
lumber companies the highest admit
ted ioss from lire is = per cent in tween
~ Years. Another company estimates
its tire loss for tiftr two years at per
cent, and another. during sixty. has
he'd an annual loss of une-sixleenth of
J pei cent Twenty eight companies re-
I.ort their loss since organization IA
hardly worth uentiuning"
The point of THESE reports, 80 sur
rri>ing to thoSe unacquninted with The
lumber business il that the fires. while
they kill the trees. do not consume the
trunk. The less severe fires do not
neressarily kill the trees. Worse fires
do this by bufGing the nnderbre n
around the trees and pafLapS the TOPS
OF the trees. Bur the trunk OF The tree.
the Iog from which the boards are 10
ne cut. il seldom touched. The Killed
timber makes IA good Iunlher az the
other. the only difference being that IL
is necessary TO cut II within limited
time.
White pine or hemlock In the upper
Nj sisSippi valley must be cut the first
NJ he sprond winter following the fire
OF worms will injurP the lumber. The
wa year period applies In the finland
empire" and 10 the hemlock on the
SLOPES of the Cascades Western
spruce need not be cur for three years
and western tr for four years Red
cedar has no limit, ana trees burned
fifty years ago are now being turned
into shingles Jonas Howard In Chi.
i chRU Tribune.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Divers Madness.

An Australian pear diver says that
one OF the strange effects of diving h
the invariabe bad temper felt white
working at the bottom of the Sea. As
this usually passes away as soon as
the surface il reached. 1t h probably
due 10 the pressure Of the uir affect
lng the brain The exhiiaration and
good temper of the mountain climber
are contrary feelings from an opposite
cause. 4 diver becomes 81 ANGRY ~
soIne Imaginary wronsdolng on the
part OF those in the boat above TINT
he gives the sigilal, 10 he pulled up.
with the intention OF Knocking the
heads OF tile entire crew" only To for
gel what he came ny for Whom the
surface is reached
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18

"Oratory Is a lost art" said Clare
land man the other day. II used to go
down 10 the courts just to hear the
nrtd speeches. Nothing doing In that
line any more The lawyers do not
talk about flowers. rainbows and sun
beams today.
There was lawyer In Cleveland
years ago Bill Robinson was his name
whose addresses TO a jury always at
tracted Il crowd will forever remem-
Der one of his sentences, The man he
was lighting IN the suit had reputa-
ton as omeihing of miser
WHO is this man who IL he?' thun
dered Robinson You know and
know that he boils his potatoes Ia wild
Ows' tears
This phrase caught the Jury. and
Robinson won his case, but one does
NOT hear any such 'oratory' as that
nowadays" Case and Comment.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
The Word .Waitsr.~

Isn't there an English philologist
with genius enough to Hnd new word
for waiter? Waiting - only 4 very
small portion Of his duties. functions
and qualities. In fact. the waiting part
Is most Of the time done by the guest.
We think The waiter 10. above all. =
salesman Comparing the English
waiter with those characteristic. ap-
propriate and therefore beautiful words
the French 'sommelier." the taerman
"kellner." the Swedish .kypare" and
Italian "cameriere," the English ham
guage seems miles behind.-lntesnA-
tional Hotel Work
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Father See med Riat,s.

The organiSt was not lacking IL
patriotism. yet he rebelied when re,
quested TO play The Star Spangied
Banner at wedding
ut is not appropriate. he said
"Ain't it? said the brides father
For this wedding II Is the most ap.
propriate thing you can play. Cut all
the rest of the program If you like
bur stick 10 that | had the hardest
kind of a fight TO keep Bellies mother
from marrying her off TO Il foreigner
Between Belle aud me we won out
for an American, and If this isn't the
time for the Star Spangled Banner
I'd Ike 20 know what is."New York
Sun
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
WANTED MORE ACTION.
And the Lioness Kindly Obliged the
Motion Picture hunters.

And the Lioness Kindly Obliged the
Motion Picture hunters.
Paul }. Rainey writes In the Outing
Magazine:
1.-The lioness was picture to watch.
She kept turning up her lip and growi-
ing savageIy and once or twice made
as II 10 charge. This lasted four OF
Eve minutes and then Hemment said
he wanted more action and told one Of !
his camera boys to throw stone &C
her. The boy threw the stone. and W
also got the action. She watched the
stone roll past her ana then, without
even looking back and without warn
ing whatsoever. she charged straight
ill., ~ ~
Never before in my life have seen
anything come 80 fast. 1t was AL over
in the twinkling OF an eye. IL seem
ed 10 me that when she first started
she had her eye directly on me. but
caught sight OF the camera two or
three yards to my left and charged
straight for that. ! shot her full In
the chest when she had come probably
fifteen yards. but without any appare
ent effect. She came on with her low.
quick glide until she was within If
teen feet from the camera. when she
arose to strike 1t with her paw.
think Hemment, almost up to this
time. bad been turning the crank. but
now he convulsively pulled the cam
era over on to himself for protection.
at WAS a terrible moment. 1 knew
she would have him before | could get.
another cartridge into my gun. bur Il
had not reckoned on Black. who was
sitting on the ground at my right. and
just AZ she was about to strike he shot
her over the left eye with hts 40.
The rate at which she was travelling
carried her to within six feet OF the
machine when she fell dead. On ex-a
animation we found thar my bullet
had passed square through Der iungs-
from left to right and had lodged I'M
der the skin over her right ribs.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18

e, Is still regarded az nothing short
& OF miracle that uliy man shDmd
y have the power to WED 81, 4 Il
marked influence over any CON
munity, large or srlall. us il eIpr. i%.d
by Mayor William J Gaynor OF New
York The whole spirit Of the town
has changed since he morrd into tbe
city hall There hps been u de,i.cd
if.'Sening Of the nervous strain Winch
was supposed Ia be a necessary evil in
cideut 10 lie ia y great city and y grad
ual return 10 more norlp1 s,a!e 81
mind
Sst on Hair Trigger,
In former days every administration
seemed 20 lie sci on II h;ir IT. gget an
this upryc tension worked i.s,Way iu,u
the whole fabric OF he city un.ii il CN
tepded dawn To the bnot bla, Is Thl,
was due priladiiIy no doubt, 10 tne
constant criticism Df the opposition in
municipal affairs aud to tlia know edge
OIL the part of these who were tf.i
cised that much of il WIS uerttei .hy
cry Of graft" which was coutiuuI!ll
being raised IN one direction or ulJ, hei
was all that was required to start a
panic among all those who were inter
eSted, directly OF indire lily No sam
er was it ,Stiiled than trouble wnu.d
break otlt some where else
Those in authority felt that they
must do some, hing, and do IL quick
and in their bury Ia si,e.ce criticism
they often made bad matters worse
Those who paid the taxes whether rs
property owners or rent payers, tel!
that they We're not getting the w3rIh
Of their money i'pvr!p who worked for
the city or did business with il Wc:g
required by Tie time hoil0f@d inW u!
precedent to pay tribute 10 some mali
"hi2 her up business men caught the
\ fever and became SuSiii uus Of each
other. ANA 40 II went. with the voice O..
4 accusation always in the air "Du
your npighbor N he will do you" he
came the New York motto
Cannot 3s Sssmreaed.
Under Mr. Guynnr All this has been
ch'nGed The people have learned that
At last they have u mayor who cannot
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
WHEN MORRIS WAS BURIED.
Simple Village Funeral Of the ossak
Artist and Poat.

Artist ana Po9t.
IN his death William Morris. who
pmctired The ideal industry that Rus
Kin preached. was as simple and a
near common things and common peo-
pie as he had always sought to b. In :
life. He was taken from London to
the ancient village Of Lechlade-s0 BE-
gins the lovely description In the late
henry Demarest Lloyd's "Maxxini aud
Other Essays"-to he buried near
kelmscott Manor House. where bis
own country home had been. -
I'm accordance with his wishes, the
windows OF his town house were noe
aarkened, and no emblem Of convvn-
fional mourning was shown. There
was no hearse to receive his conn %
il was taken out Of the train which
bore II to l.echlade. 3-r a.
Only down the hill came harv~st
wagon. Round and through its yellow
framework were twisted vines ana
branches OF willow, roofing Il and
hanging down over the red wheels. a
bed OF moss fresh from the woods was
spread on the bottom. On this the
great artist was laid
Wreaths OF flowers were hung round
the sides of the rack. Vine leaves were
twisted in the bride of the roam mare.
The carter took her by the head. and
the rest of the party walked behind b.
the graveyard. m
Tue church IL a little stone building
of the twelfth century which Morris
had helped to preserve. II happened
TO be decorated as for a festival. The
| fruits ur the year we're spread round
| There We're pumpkins aud marruws
and great red and yellow apples on
the seats In the porch. and red an
tumn leaves hung from the pillars
The cofiin was Of plain, unpublished
oak The handles were Of iron. fash
toned by the blacksmith. There was
no Inscription but name and dates.
II was simply village funeral. just
as ne wished 1t to be.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Chinese h;atarx..

The Chinese claim FOR their citiIaa-
tion al antiquity OF from S0,000 &c
100000 years. but the claim deserve s
no particular consideration Most 81
the eastern peoples claim for them
selves similar autiquity. There are
few authentic dates in Chinese history
prior 10 tile year 600 Il. G.. though OF
course, the Chinese civilization great
" antedates that period II Is safe
to say that the Chinese il among the
oldest OF existing Civilizations. bal
when 1t comes TO being precise it is
quite our OF the question.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Parliamentary Manners.
Parliamenrary manners astonishe

German visitor 10 England in ITO
They come Into the house" he wrote
in their greatcOatS and with riding
rommon 10 see members lying stretch
I'd on, on one OF The benches while
others are speaking Some crack nnts:
others eaI oranges Or Whatever else Is
In season There l. no end 10 heir 20
Ing and out. and as any one wishes
speaker and makes his bow. like
schoolboy asking tutors permission. ="
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
A Sake Story From India.

A queer story OF the cure OF snake
bite coines from India A young man
bitten by venomous snake was evil
IDENTITY dying Tine moh called IN re-
solved TO try the most powerful rem
edy be knew He tied q cowrie shell
Oh 10 piece of string and mnttered
incantations I'LL IL began 10 Wtirj
round and round and finally disap-
peared lit II few minutes the snake
that had done the damage appeared
with the string and shell round its
neck and WAS commanded 10y The mob
to put Its mouth 70 the wound FOR
about ten minutes. after which il went
away The dying man speedily recov-
cred
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Tn. Bar to Lord Holland.

Among the qualifications Ut a cabinet
minister discretion ranks high Lord
Broughton notes In his dairy fr;ieas
between Lady Holland and Lord John
Russell The former asked the latter
why Lord Holland WAS excluded from
office ''If you must know said LORD
john Russell. because no man VIII act
In a cabinet with person whose wife
opens all his letters"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Danoino and kissino.

The old time ballroom .smacked Of
the kiss. Without it the dance was
Incomplete II was claimed :is a right
And given freely The very idea Of
snch an omission would have caused a
strike. as these lines forstold:
But some reply. What foole would daunee
II that when daunce Is doone
He may not have at iadye's lips
That which in daunce he woon?
-LondOn Taller.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Cleaned Out.

Mrs, GrouchOh, Is there anything
I haven't been through since married
you?
Crouch tcalmly)-Nothtng III tie
shape OF q pocket. certainly. Boston
Transcript
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18

have nos found him wanting They
hare seen hitn correct 50 many abuses
which tAey had thought never would
or coUid be corrected that they have
come to have faith INT he will do all
THINGS we'll Md trusting him. they
have come to trust each Other Things
have come TO such q pass that people
speak of he Ten Command With.
aut apulagiziBg aud disruss moral prin.
eig,e,' ii public without bp$hing
"Guicsly and Cscsntly."
This rpvolution is not due to the
fact chat he llHyor is rs. radical. for
be Is radical enGugh to suit any one
BIT an out and out anarchist but rath-
or 20 his wholesome point OF view aud
to his inSiSlence thar all things be
done quietly and dpcent!y.' which Is
one of his Notices 1t is attributable.
too, to the fact that hp has always
kept close to the people and studied
tO,.''iuns He knows what the PEG
pie w;itrt aliA~nnae"stiu''h, their needs
Twenty times at least he has been
told. somptimes hy his n!o@t trusted
advisers, that il he issued this o. that
new order. upsptting old conditions
and smashing traditions in beth eyes.
"thp hpaveus woulG fall" But undis.
turbed he proceeded to lay down the
new policy, aud the heavens are still
as far from the earth a. before. The
only thing that ever hlpne2ed when
he established one of these radical
new rules radical only In that they
were IN the interests of The plain peo
pie was that lot Of folks Including
some of the eHriy donbters Jumped up
apA rave three cheers for Gaynor
They nave continued TO chpc" for one
reason or another until It ms dPvel
oped into q habit
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Air In the LUNGS.

In one minute In Il state OF rest the
average man takes into his lungs about
eight liters or ass cubic inches Of air.
In walking he needs sixteen liters or
3T.6 cubic inches, ia climbing twenty
three !iters or 1903 cubic inches, II
riding at a trot thirty-three hters OF
20l 3 cubic inches and IN long dis,
lance running 6fty-sevcn llters OF
BAIT cubic inches
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
MjsIeaSinn.

'Weli. Well exclaimed Nagget over
his paper. that's II queer heading for
this article II says 'WomHn's Talk"
Whats so queer about that?" de-
manded his wife
Why, there's only about half a col
umn Of It,
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Evo.utions Of Custom.

"Sly sou. said Mrs. Mr'iudiey. be
fore | married your father made him
promise that be- would not smoke OF
play cards TOR money"
"les:'
''rimeS have changed. II you decide
10 propose 10 woman | want you to
exact II similar asSurance."-W Washing
ton Star.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
His piacIe<s.

A young gentleman was passing IN
examination In physics. He was ass.
ed. What planets were known 70 the
ancients:" 81
"weli, SIR" be responded. there.
were Venus and Jupiter and" -afNvs
pause--"l think the earth, but I an
not quite certain" London TIT Rita
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Made the Sale.

"Nr. WlIilker. have seen II stated
that wompns feet are becoming lar
ger. How about .hati"
There may he sifiN truth In 1t. hut
among all my customers ] don't know
a single one that II applies to. madam :"
Chicago Tribune.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
A Cowi,erely Joke

A young tAds had jusl announced her
approaching marriage to a young MAN
Ma med Caiify
Hum remarked an outspoken CON-
pauion He will be bully il he doesn't
turn out TO be bossy ~ Lippincott's.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Joitins His Lawyer.

Church What wills the name you
called your lawyer?
Gotham Necessity.
"But that's "a funny name Why do
you call him Necessity
Because he knows no iaw,"-Yon
kers Statesman
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
kpows No PITY.

"Is he very bitter against the man
who ran away with his wife,?
almost too bitter. He Insists upoo
getting divorce so that she can marry
him. Houston Post.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
A Happy DISPOSITION.

Every one should s'nve 10 Gu ID
ya,e happy disposition. A happy
disposition is largely d.sposit;cn %
make others happy. One bic per-
lneates al things. and there is no
corner OF the cosmos too remote TO
feel its heart thrcb. --tieury Wood.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
A Matter of Fractions.

Riggs-siy half brot her is engaged to
my wife's half sister Dlggs-Wben
will they he made one?-- Boston Tran
script
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18

MAYOR eAYNoR AS A YOUNG CRusADEh.
from photograph taken Al the tine he
sehi Toss John Y Mcitane 10 the pen
"ehtiary for election frands.j
We stanipeded or carried of his feet.
VINO regards New York ~ great bust
ueSS institution and is determined to
auHinlSfer Its affairs with absolute
uoheSty and with M consideration 9th.
81 than the Interests Of its citizens,
VINO believes that people should be as
aoDest IN then dealings with the city
!" tneir relations with each other
"nc VINO holds the rights Of every good
, ~. TO I've sacred and inviolate.
'hey have weighed him in the balance
,sone OF them with misgivipgs at first,
'u'ousn their old skepticism-and they
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
Good.

'He has good wife. hasn't he?''
81 should shy 10. He can always Dor
row money from her when he goes
broke himself. detroit Free Presa
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-05-18
n va. Heavy.

Wife-John. II that biscuit you're
eating could talk, do you know VIII
II would say! Husband lsase 30
don me for not rising. Town Tog1ea