davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-08-31
Home, James-tO Tiffany's."
H. EnirL AuopIrA kEiIEN
BY EDITH Al

OH, what a simple Simon! What a modest
I J firing Millionaire Kid! But he needn't feel
~ bashful any over his mistake about At
lantic Highlands Well welcome him just as warmly
though he came direct from Pittsburgh Just let him
bring nat million with him and all will be forgiven
We won't detain him long Broadway, either
which would be unkind, he wants be an inventor
like his father You figure that in about month
or six weeks he'll be busy inventng way TO pay
his board at the rate of five dollars week back in
Atlantic Highlands.
I'm he's a nice, quiet young man and de-
serves to be encouraged So Pm willing to assist him
In perfectly original Millionaire Kid act that will
shorten his suspense and make all others look like
pikers'
With the regular lobster and bubble water course
a starter wen pick out the most expensive six.
cylinder limousine luxury they have for sale along
Automobile Row, and then, Home James," home
meaning Tinany's. Aha" l to hear you ex-
claim, she's already picked that diamond tarara
Forget it-nohing pikng.
Getting up good speed down Fifth avenue wen
motor. bang! right through Tifanys best sun-burst
lined plate glass show window, and all the twinkers
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-08-31
Wanted-a Dress of Yellow Backs /"
Bv Elise LANAI,
BY ELISE HAMILTON.

M worry simon about that Atlantic t1igh
lands mistake-Broadway's still on tbo 50
why there was Millionaire Kid onoo t
came on from the West in private car with bis ;.
full OF skyscrapers and the high places aIonp tho
white way who dropped asleep Just this "a. "y
Elizabeth, N. j., and awakened nv tho ~ VI
yelling: "New-Ark!" porter
beneVe me that Kid grabbed his bag and tumnoa
on before any one could stop him minnie 1
he gazing at the top of a six.stor hI.s. i''er
Market street saying to himself: Gosh! Neur -, va
sure wonder!' 1t week before he co,Ia ~ >
pried loose from that Jersey burg But onca bo
the Flatiron Building, the rest was easy He t,.9s,
out a real credit to himself eu
But tnis soid'hned Simon ought to be told at onco
that progress rules the age. The day is mast uh
Millionaire Kid distinguish himself bv +bo ~
Broadway lobster and bubble stuff route And ttt
reminds me that can do him a good turn-uitb liz
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-08-31

When l was Just Sim Paddock
nobody ever bothered me. l had
all the letting alone | wanted Now
I'm never aloAe a minute I'm al
ways stumbling over people They
get under my feet. Some night
expect to 60 home and find one of
the grafters in my bed They're
after me to lend them money on
mortgage or en- nothing
They take me for a slot machine
that works the other way-pours
out money because it's out of or
der"
Yes, Simon Daniel Paddock is IN.
happy, so unhappy that he would
rather be the Mayors chauffeur
than to be pointed at by people
whose eyes bulge, as the Million
Dollar Kid" killing time" he says.
is the most laborious occupation on
earth. AT any rate he can't go into
store because prices will jump at
sight Of him. He used to like soda
water but he avoids soda water
fountains now because somebody ia
sure to suggest a new mixture that
costs quarter.
But his troubles as a millionaire
are nearly over. He has onlv IN
act upon the advice of the chorus
girl jury in order to quite suddenly
acquire all the solitude and obscpr.
lty his soul Graves
Mr.. Simon Daniel Paddock's casa
Is being considered on Broadway
1t is competent jury Ethel Amor.
ita Kelley, you remember, is the fair
maid who has made the Busch fam
ny of st. Louis anxious lest AdoInb
III. should bring an actress into tba
family. Elise Hamilton is famed
along Broadway for her beanty
Jane warrington is one of the bellies
Il Broad"ay. All have seriously con-
sidered the situation of Simon Dan.
lei. formerly Sim" Paddock ond
render verdicts as here printed
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-08-31

mat fly into the car and drape the runnin. oo.u -.
belong to little Ethel! 60" VIII
NO don't seem to think of anything els. inc. -.
present eiSe Just n
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-08-31

permission Oh Flo ziegfeld. You see, tia
SO nard 20 make people believe that my
second act dress cost $500.
what / suggest is That Simon furnish
tne material to make me a dress all OF
yellow backs. Then If people won't be
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-08-31

lieve I'm one expensive dresser, all
have to do Is to turn around slowly and
say: Well If you don't take nv tally
Just count me no for yourself. Bellows
me, a little stunt like this will send
Simon ringing down the ageA
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1912-08-31

Jane Warrington Wants Her Voice Trained in Gay Psrss
{. 5ove) Ethel Anorta Kelley Who Suggests Speed.
irr Motor Through Tiffany's Shop Window.
Her 100000 Voice Needs Training.
BY JANE WARRINGTON.
!STEN here Simon, dear, want me voice pulled,
mean trained. Me voice is me fortune Sir
- she said But nobody will believe it unless the
news comes from Paris, signed Jean de Reszke.
wouldn't mention it such short acquaintance,
Simon dear put tor my teenng Oh responsibility ABOUT
your sad Atlantic Highlands All of us Broad
way girls feel the same way-only you don't need to
bother about the others.
Say, Simon darling, do you know what it costs to
have your voice pull mean trained in Paris?
Verb, sap. Meaning, in the vernacular of my dear
old alma mater. word to the wise Millionaire Kid 10
sufficient
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24
DOUBLES" THE CAUSE
OF MANY
Some Persons Who Have
Been Annoyed by Acts Of
"the Other Fellow"

ERE you ever troubled by
wv your double? A double
w nearly always eause trou.
BILE, as a great many persons
the world over can testify.
The possibilities Of confusion of
identity for dramatic situations are
eternal and constantly varying. The
newspapers often record them. They
are scattered through the pages Of his.
tory, and drama and fiction are full Of
them. These plays and stories may
seem extravagant, but they have had
almost exact parallels in real life.
Indeed, from the time that Jacob i'm.
p~ersonated Esau before their father
and SO received his brothers portion
doubles and mistakes Of identity have
been constant causes Of confusion to
human society.
For instance, take the case of Theo.
dore p. Shonts, president of the Inter
borough railroad and one Of the most
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24

to my hotel. Passing a saloon on the
way l noticed a group Of cowboys
standing in the doorway. One Of them
gave me a searching glance, then said
something to his companions. and as l
approached he rushed out and before
| could demonstrate had grabbed me
by the hand and begun a pump handle
movement, at the same time shouting:
GOOD Lord, colonel, when did We
arrive? Why in tarnation didn't We let
us know We was a-comin'? Fellers,'
with a wave Of his hand toward his
companions. this yere's Colonel Roose-
velt-my OF colonel-the bravest, bul
Hest. easiest. nerviest. grittiest gun
scrapper ye ever SEEM"
Still another man has found it en-
barrassing to look like Roosevelt. The
man is John II. Storer. one Of the most
prominent business men Of New York
and Boston and a director in some for
ty-four companies.
For seven years Storer has been I'm.
willingly playing the part Of Roose-
velt's double. He has had to devote
much time to convincing people that
he Is not the man whom he SO close
" resembles and whose friend ne is.
Strangely enough Roosevelt and Sto.er
were at Harvard together. where the,
became close friends.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24
Happiness of Homes Threat
ened and Lawsuits Caused
by Confusion.

Thus King George when he wa!
Prince of Wales was said to have hi.
exact counterpart in the czar Of Rus
STA. Age has made a great difference
In their appearance. Viewed apar1
there was a certain facial resemblance
but on close inspection the difference
was too obvious to permit any mis-
take Of identity.
One Of the most recent Of these
cases is a double of the German EN-
peror, Il certain Herr Nitschke, who
follows the humble calling Of a chin.
ney sweep in a small German town.
On n occasion. it is said, Herr
Nitschke took part In some amateur
] theatricals. and the audience was SO
led away by his striking likeness to
the emperor that they cheered and ap.
plauded vociferously. quite believing
that the kaiser had condescended to
play in the performance. This story
Is less unlikely than it may seem when
one considers the kaiser's we'll known
fondness for theatricals.
A few years ago. when King George.
then Prince of Wales. was staying at
a German watering place. a tailor of
the locality. suddenly waking up to the
fact that he was rather like his males
ty. had his mustacbe and beard trim
med just like the kings. copied his
style Of dress as nearly as possible
and boldly sailed forth into the town.
His reception was all that he desired.
but the incident displeased King
George not a little. Next day the am
bilious tailor received a visit from a
police officer, with a mild recommen-
dation to alter his appearance some
what or else leave the town. He chose
the latter.
The late President Faure Of France,
too. had Il double, who deliberately
laid himself out to be mistaken for
the head Of the republic. He used to
stroll up and down the Champs
Elysees at about the time Of day
when the president took his constitu-
tional there. and when. as happened
more than once. the two came face to
face 1t is said that President Faure
was by far the most disconnected of
the two.
There is a man at Los Angeles. Cal.
who looks SO much like ex-President
Roosevelt that he is often taken for
him even by those who served with the
rough riders regiment in Cuba. f. G..
Huddleston Is the name of the colo
nel's double. He is the general man.
ager of a mining and milling company
of Los Angeles and travels extensive
~ in the interests Of the firm. While
away from his native city he finds
himself subject to the annoying gaze of
crowds Of people. who either mistake
him for Roosevelt or constantly remark
upon the striking resemblance.
Huddleston is the same height and
weight as Roosevelt, has the same
keen eyes. prominent nose and heavy
jaw and wears his mustache in a SINH
lar manner.
During M Of my first trips down
into Arizona," he said recently. 81
stopped off at Phoenix and walked up
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24

potent figures in the financial and busi-
ness life Of New York. He was sued
for soc ,OOO damages by the husband
Of a woman whose affections he was
charged with having alienated. A
man who resembled him so closely that
even their friends could hardly tell them
at all had been seen in the company Of
the wife Of the manager of a Kentucky
distillery, and detectives who had fol-
lowed them reported that the man was
ShOnts. The husbands suit was with
drawn after Shonts had convinced him
that his double had caused all the trou-
bic.
All because Of a double Russell Girls
void Colts wife came mighty near
suing him for a separation. A fellow
who looks like Colt and who posed as
the son Of the millionaire president of
the United Rubber company cut up
high links on New York's great White
Way. Mrs. Colt was upset, but her
husband convinced her that it was the
other Dromio who had sinned.
This was not the first time Colts
double has caused him trouble. OF
the 400 students who attended VIII
liams college in 1902 probably three
quarters met and found good cause to
remember a youth who arrived in vii.
Jamestown in January of that year.
He said he wal Russell Griswold Colt.
o of Colonel Samuel Pomeroy Colt of
Providence, r. l. He had run away
from a school in Connecticut, he de-
clared, and wanted to rest in Williams
town until he could replenish his fat
pocketbook.
Colt" bought several suits from the
tailors in North Adams. He made
purchases in the mems furnishings
shop in Williamstown and ran up huge
bills in the college grill and billiard
parlor. His credit, based on the fact
that he was a guest Of a fraternity.
was unquestioned.
And then. without a goodby, he dis
appeared.
When the announcement Of Colts en-.
gagement was published Williams
graduates, who remembered sadly the
red fire visit Of the presumed rich
mans son, discussed the ACCESSIBILITY
Of confronting the bridegroom elect
with demands for a repayment of the
money they had paid for him. 1t was
decided to induce the tradesmen to
present their bills.
Nov I know" said the real Russell
Colt, "why I have been receiving bills
from merchants in Williamstown. /
was never in Williamstown in my life
and never incurred a penny's debt. My
double has caused me no end Of trou-
ble."
Then there is the case of e. r.
Thomas, the former New York fnan-
cier and horseman. Had he not been
able to convince his wife that it was
his double and not he who had been
In the company Of a certain actress
her threatened suit for a separation
might have been filed. Thomas dou-
BILE has been exposed on numerous oc.
casions. he asserts, but not without
causing him trouble which he is still
trying to explain away.
One reason. Of course, that so many
mistakes r made in the identity of
persons Is that the doubles are not
often brought together for comparison.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24

You were going to make enough pro6,
on eggs in three months to paw for ey.
erything. In ten days you
Yes. in ten days l had to sell what
few birds remained alive for a quarter
apiece. but why was it? Why?"
Because you didn't get a single egg
and the ROSTERS crowed all night
Mrs. Rowser. don't you misstate
facts! Who went out to that coop dur.
ing my absence at the Office and with
a baseball bat pounded those poor
fowls into the earth? Who jabbed
'em with a clothes pole until the neigh
bOrs threatened to have her arrested /:
Who went out and played on q mouth
organ until every hen fell over In a
6tY"
"No n did these things" replied
| Mrs. Bowser.
woman. be careful-be very. very
careful!" he cautioned as he pointed a
finger at her. II lost money and that's
the reason. Yes. l bought chickens.
but of all the silly. idiotic things l ever
heard Of your buying of that bowleg-
ged hyena is the worst. He isn't worth
the trouble of Draining with a spade"
Setter Dog That HowIed.
And then you bought a dog. Mr..
Bowser. He was a setter. He sat
and howled all night. and after the
second night you booted him outdoors.
Ten dollars gone. Then it was a pat.
ent fire escape which didn't escape
Thirty more dollars gone. Then you
bought some microbe killer and almost
killed the cook. Was it $40 damages
you paid herr"
"Never. Mrs. Bowser-never in this
world"
Then you started in to punch the
bag for exercise. and the bag broke
your nose on a comeback. Then some
one advised you to sleep in a ham
mock outdoors. and you tumbled out
of it and broke your leg. Was it be,
fore or after you started in t. diSinfect
the house and set it on fire and caused
a loss Of $4OO?"
Mrs. Bowser"-
And you became a vegetarian. and
you ran after Christian Science. and
you bought a hair dye recipe. aud you
became a cockroach killer. and you
started to manufacture a patent fuel.
and you tried to reform tramps. and
Truth About the Poodle.
Woman" yelled Mr.. Bowser as he
sprang to his feet and choked and
gasped.
Then you wanted to climb Mount
Mckinley"
"Woman"-
"Then you wanted to go to the north
pole"
"Wo"--
"Then to the south pole"
"Wo"-
"And you wanted a chicken farm-a
dairy farm-to 60 into strawberries
to grow catnip-to invent a flying ma
chine-tO''-
But the bell rang and a moment lat
err a lady living in the neighborhood
entered to say:
$50 much obliged. Mrs. Bowser, for
taking care of Fido while l went shop
ping. l hope to do as much for you
some time"
Mr.. Bowser took a sneak out on the
street and thought and walked. and
by and by he leaned up against a lamp
post and unused aloud:
$50 she hadn't bought the dog after
all, and l raised all that row to get a
raking down! l must go in and bluff
about the coal and gas bills or she'll
be Growing over mel!
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24

CRUELTY TO INNOCENT PIG.
$40. When a woman starts out to
make an idiot Of herself she doesn't
know where to stop"
"Thanks. And after the horse came
a cow"
"Oh, you are going to bring up the
cow!'
II coaxed and argued. but you were
bound to have a cow. You paid $40
for her. She was a red COW. She was
guaranteed q new milk COW. She was
guaranteed to give ten quarts Of milk
a day. After Il week.
Eyes, after a week you drove me to
part with her. You We're obstinate
and determined. You used to go out
and annoy and torment her until she
wished she was dead. l sold her for
$40 that she might find rest and peace
somewhere else"
Fate Of the Red Cow.
And she dropped dead Of old age
just as the buyer got her out of the
alley"
Mr.. Boswer turned red and white
and waved an arm to signify that he
would leave the house if Mrs. Bowser
said another word. but she continued:
"And after the COW came a pig. You
got pork and bacon on the brain. You
paid $40 for a three dollar pig, went to
an expense Of IS to build a pen and in
four days you sold piggy for $3.50 and
made kindlings Of the pen. You
thought it would seem homelike to
have a pig. You figured out a profit Of
$50 in three months, butt
"Stop right there, woman-stop dead
still! You shall do me justice and the
pig too. You were down on him from
the hour l got him. You didn't like
his color. You didn't like the twist in
his tail. You used to 60 u and pound
him with the hoe handle and then
throw boiling water on him. found
marks on him where you used to knock
him down with the crowbar. l sold
him from a feeling Of mercy. and you
know it. 1t wasn't as if l had paid
$40 er $25 for n sap headed. squint
eyed poodle dog"
Wanted to Hear Boosters Crow.
"Then came chickens. Mr.. Rowser-
$25 for chickens and $40 for a coop. to
say nothing Of poultry books and pat
ent foods. You wanted to hear your
own ROSTERS crow in the morning. You
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24

This bank solicits accounts, and
offers to depositors absolute security,
prompt and careful attention, and the
most liberal treatment consistent with
safe and profitable banking. Buys
and sells foreign exchange, drawing
direct on ell principal American and
European cities, and issues its own
Letters of Credit.
Interest paid on time deposits. The
highest cash price paid for approved
state, county, city and school bonds
and warrants,
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24
Tho Real Difficulty.

The Marquis Of Queensberry
writes an article on How to De-
fend Yourself With an Umbrel-
Ia" But vastly more difficult is
the art of keeping ones umbrella
handy for defense.-Denver Re-
publican.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24
Autumn's Specialty.

Autumn's Speciality.
Tho hottest day NJ more draws nigh
To fill U souls with Tread.
We will encounter. with . sigh.
The 'wettest day" instead.
-Washington Star.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24

List includes Purchases OF Horse, Cow
Pig and Chickens, All Of Which wer,
Sold at a Loss, but He Puts the Re-
sponsibiIity on Mrs. eowser.
BY N. QUAD.
copyright. 1911. by Associated Literar,
Press.1
|"HERE being little to do at the
Office the other afternoon, Mr.
Bowser started for home an
hour earlier than usual. and
| about the first thing he saw as he en-.
tered the house was a poodle dog tied
to a chair. The presence Of the dog
| could be accounted for in a hundred
ways. but Mr.. Bowser passed by nine.
ty-nine of them to say to Mrs. Bowser,
II thought it was about time WOW
were doing some tomfool thing"
Meaning the dog?" she queried.
Eyes. meaning the dog. What in
thunder induced you to go into any
such ~nonsense"'
isn't it a nice dog?"
Hes the meanest looking cur I ever
set eyes on! Gone and paid out money
for a hyena!!'
Hes a valuable dog"
HE isn't worth soap grease. Stolen
dog. suppose, and the thief brought
him here and sold him to you. You
probably gave at least S. for him."
"Well?"
well. you'd better 60 to an idiot asy-
lum! Ten dollars for that thing! |
won't stand for it."
"Mr. Bowser. do you remember when
you bought Il horse for $25O?'' was
quietly asked.
what If | did?"
Bowser's Horse Trade.
Nothing. except that in about ten
days you sold him for 500 and was
tickled to death to get rid of him. You
bought him for a perfectly sound horse.
but it turned out that he was wind
broken. spawned. ringboned. near
sighted. a kicker. a bitter and sixteen
years older than the seller put his
age"
II didn't do anything of the sort!'
was shouted. You got afraid to ride
after him, and what could l do but sell
him off? And what has a horse to do
with a poodle dog? I'll bet a hundred
dollars to a cent you paid as high as
SIS for him. Yes. o may have paid
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24
bOWSER'S RECORD
Poodle Dog Helps to Uncover His
Varied Deals.
HIS WIFE HAS ALL FACTS.

List includes Purchases Of Horse, Cow
Pig and Chickens, All Of Which Were
Sold at a Loss, but He Puts the Re.
sponsibility on Mrs. 6owser.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24
Good Job,

Good Job.
Papa-But hasn't your fance got a
job?
Daughter-Not yet, but he's going to
get one at $4,000 a year.
Papa-Indeed! Glad to hear it!
What is he doing?
Daughter-Well. he read in the paper
of some man who is paid $4,000 a year
by the Bankers association not to forge
checks. and George is going to offer
not to do it for half that.-Puck.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24
A Good Rule,

The story is told Of a man who had
great difficulty in spelling words with
''ei' and 'ie'' in them. One day a friend
offered to give him an infallible rule
for such cases. ut is a rule" he said,
'that in forty-seven years has never
failed me-"
His friend expressed his delight and
waited.
The man resumed: "The rule Is sim
ply this: Write your "T' and "e'' ex'
actly alike and put the dot just be-
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24
Getting Supplies.

Getting Supplies.
"John," said the bride Of last June
sadly. "we're all out Of pickles and
chilli sauce again."
"All right. my DEAR" replied her bus.
band. "well 60 and visit your mother
for a little while tomorrow night and
graft a few more bottles. "-Detroit
Free Press.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24
e

inexpensive.
II am thinking of going to Europe on
q vacation"
"You are! l didn't know you had that
much money"
II haven't. but. you see, it doesn't
cost anything to think of going."-Lip-
pincott's.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24
PUBLIC LAND AND MINING
CASES.

If you are interested in any contest
or any matter before the Interior De-
partment, write to Clark & Wright,
registered land lawyers, oo2 F Street
N. w. Opposite Gen'l Land Ofice),
Washington, D. c. Free information
about contests and where to obtain
scrip. locatable upon public lands.
without residence or cultivation.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24

D IVERS1DE CAMP lO593, Modern Woodmen
n of America, meets every second and fourth
Thursday of each month at Odd Fellows hall at
= O'Clock. Visiting nelghpors cordially invited.
J.. C. MYERS, v. c..
j. E. EPPERsON, Clerk.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-01-24

w. G. CONRAD, Pres.
JAMES T. STANFORD,
Vice.Pres. and Manager.
A. E. SCHWINGEL,
Cashier.
OMAR J. MALCOLM,
Asset. Cashier.