davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Poor Sophia's Case.

DIR. Ronald H. Curtis, the well-known
zoologist, said in a recent lecture in
Charleston:
Il take no stock in all these yarns
about the disinterested affection of
animals An animals affection is
parasitic-your dog loves you because
you feed it. Analyze these yarns about
animal affection, and they turn out
like Sophia's case
There was rich old maid who had
an ill-natured cur named Sophia. The
old maid died, leaving her fortune to
her nephew, who had lived with her.
! met the nephew one day, and ven
tured to offer him my sincere sym.
pathy. He said:
Eyes, it's sad. And the morning
after my aunt's decease the dog, So
phia, also died.
Grief, l SUPPOSE said l.
"'No,' said he; 'prussic acid"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
PULLED IN Different WAYS
Ordinary Man on the Street Some
what Puzzled by Seeming Bust
ness Contradictions.

life Is full OF contradictions"
"Yes?"
For instance, about six months
ago life insurance agent got after
me, and bounded me nearly to death.
I told him at the start that / had all
the insurance | was able to carry, but
he kept right on trying to persuade
me that | needed more and, finally. in
sheer desperation, | consented to take
our another policy. Then the COM
pany's doctor began trying in every
way he could think of to make 1t i'm
possible for me to get the insurance.
He acted as if l was voluntarily try
ing to beat the company in some way,
and when I failed to pass the examina-
ton both he and the agent appeared to
think I had wronged them by taking
up their time"
That's nearly as bad as my case.
Several months ago representatives of
a piano house got after me for the pur-
pose of persuading me to buy a piano
on the installment plan. Just to get
rid of them l at last agreed to buy.
Now they've got a corps of men out
trying to dig up proof that | never
could or would pay for the piano if
they were to let me bave it. Business
is a great thing"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
ALCOHOL is NOT NUTRIMENT
Depressing Agent Cannot Logically
Be Regarded as Food, Declares Or.
Charles z. dem. Sajous.

On the long debated question of
chasing alcohol as a food substance,
DR.. Charles E. dem. Sajous, profess
sor of therapeutics in Temple univer-
sity, delivers the following opinion
monthly Cyclopedia and Medical Bull
letin, July, 1910:
IF alcohol were a food large doses
would prove more profitable to the
organism than small ones. but the re-
verse Is the case; large doses in
hibit all activities that would be en-
HANGED by liberal use of food. The
facilitating action of alcohol on the
nervous system, for example, has been
demonstrated by Bunge, Schneider
berg, Ach, Kraepeltn and others,
while Dogiel found that it markedly
depressed both motor and sensory
nerve centers. 1t does this not only
with nervous tissue but with all It's
sues. A depressing agent cannot log
ically be regarded as a food"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
FREEING THE SLAVE
OLD JOE DIDN'T TAKE 1T IN THE
ORTHODOX MANNER.
Instead of Weeping and Begging to
Stay, He Gave Out Yell, Ran Away
and Never Was Heard of
Again.

All present had heard. ever SO many
times, those good old stories of how
the slave of ante-bellum times, when
told that he was free-"Yes, free,
Scipio'-had thrown himself, sobbing
at his masters feet. and begged, with
tears in his eyes, that he be not sent
away-that he be allowed to serve the
family in any capacity until the end
of his days. Therefore all present
looked wise and resigned when the
southerner launched on his story.
Down at our old home in the
south" he said there was an old ne
gro called Joe who had been on the
place as far back as any of us could
remember. In fact, so long had he
been there that he had grown to be
just like member of the family.
We children included him in all our
games and treated him exactly as we
would any other playmate, while his
long years of service had earned him
every sort of special consideration
from the grown folks.
so meritorious was Joe that my
father decided one day to make him
free man. He went about the neces-
sary formalities quietly, and, when
all was ready, resolved to give the
thing a dramatic setting
$50 he called the family together,
likewise his slaves, and when they
were all there, grouped impressively
about him. he summoned Joe.
"The faithful old slave appeared.
Joe said my father solemnly, you
have served US long and well. We
have great affection for you
I'VE all beamed approval. Joes
face grew puzzled.
II feel that we should show that
affection in some substantial way
continued my father. Then, after a
short pause, he said:
"Joe. you are a free man.
Joe did not seem to understand.
He looked at my father and then at
the rest of us in bewildered way.
mope9L1 InoG no6 eAIS I '7of,,
You are no longer a slave. l am no
longer your master said my father.
THE slaves face began to clear.
"'Free?' he queried.
YES said my father.
For one moment Joe stood there.
Then"
In his turn, the southerner made
dramatic pause, even as his father had
done before him. His auditors were
listening, bored but polite.
Then" he continued, that negro
gave one ungodly yell, swung his cap
about his head and without SO much
as saying 'goodby' dashed out of the
house as fast as his legs could carry
him. We never SO much as heard of
him again.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
All In the Game.

CT Clark used to keep hotel up Fox
Lake way and maintained a fleet of
rowboats for his guests. 1t was his
fancy to tack a playing card. with the
individuals name on it, on the bow
of the boat, indicating temporary pos
session. A boarder who had made him
self more than solid by his liberality
made a complaint that all the boats
were out but one, and he wanted to
go fishing. At the time the landlord
was trying to straighten out into packs
a, couple Of hundred playing cards
that had been bundled carelessIy.
Whose boat is it," asked Cy 81
don't know" said the boardes. Il. has
a nine Of diamonds tackled on it."
Take it," returned Cy. Here's the
ten. Chicago Evening Post.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Young, but Oh, My!

The lawyer was sitting at his desk,
absorbed in the preparation of brief.
So bent was he On his work that he
did not hear the door as it was push
ed gently open. nor see the curly head
that was thrust into his office. A lit
tie sob attracted his notice, and turn
ing, he saw his face that was streaked
with tears. and told plainly that his
feelings had been hurt.
We'll, my little man. did you want
to see me?"
Are you lawyer"
Yes What Is it you want?"
Il want" and there was resolute
ring in his voice. want divorce
from my papa and mammal"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
A Little OFF,

Senator Penrose was talking In
Washington about the dreadful hunting
accidents Of last month. When buck
fever seizes a man." he said, "he goes
as far off his aim as the old lady went
in her definition of the word 'belli.
cose' She was talking with friend
about bishop.
He's a fine man. said the friend,
fine, handsome man. His only
trouble is that he's a little bellicose.
'Bellicose?' said the old lady with
surprised frown. He must have
changed, then. The last time l saw
him he was tall and rather slender"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Expensive Possession.

A small applicant for Christmas
cheer was being interviewed by the
charity worker
What is your father?" asked the
latter
"E's me father"
Yes. but what is he?"
"Oh: Els me stepfather"
tYes yes, but what does he do?
sweep chimneys or drive
or what?'
:" exclaims the small appli-
h dawning light of compre-
mo, e amt done nothin'
We 'ad i'm" London An
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
How lie Found Out,

Mr.. Chairman" shouted one of the
delegates to the convention, Il move
that the nominating speeches be lin
tied to one minute each!"
Second the motion!" yelled dozen
others.
A storm of protest arose, but tho
chairman put the motion.
1t was lost by vote of AZ to Is.
II merely wished to find out. Mr..
Chairman explained the delegate
who had made the motion, how many
ambitious orators there are In this
convention. There are forty-seven."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Purse With Money In Cod.

A housekeeper at Queenstown. Ire
land. constabulary barracks while
cleaning a Goldfish about 80 pounds in
weight discovered inside the fish a
purse containing humber of silver
coins of the reign of Queen Victoria
The purse was of leather steel bound
and in good preservation. 1t also con-
tanned some inscribed paper. which
was reduced almost to pulp.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Knees Became Stiff
Five Years Of Severe Rheumati.m

The cure of Henry j. Goldstein, II
Barton Street, Boston, Mass, is another
victory for Hoods Sarsaparilla. This great
medicine has succeeded in many cases
where others have utterly failed. Mr..
Goldstein says: II suffered from rheuma-
tism five years, it kept me from business
would become as stiff as steel. tried
many medicines without relief, then took
Hoods Sarsaparilla, soon felt much better,
and now consider myself entirely cured.
I recommend Hoods"
Get it today in usual liquid form or
chocolated tablets called Sarsatabs.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Gentle Correction Needed

Mr.. Littlerest-Doctor, what did you
tell me was your special treatment for
sleeplessness?
Medico-We strike at the cause or
the origin of the trouble.
Mr.. Littlerest-You don't say SO!
Well. you will find the baby in the 9TH
er room. Only. don't strike at him
too hard.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Mary,s Little Postscript,

"d' I'He'S 0SeS~' 'Fe'
Mistress-Mary, wasn't that gentle
man asking for me?
The New Maid-No, mum, he de-
scribed the lady he wanted to see as
being about 40, and told him it could
mt be you.
Mistress-Quite right, my dear And
you shall have an extra afternoon of
tomorrow
The New Maid-Yes, mum! Thankee.
mum! Yes, mum! | told him it could
mt be you. as you was about so.
Mistress-And while you're taking
your afternoon off you'd better look
out for a new place!
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

fIwere a boy again I would want
10 grow in favor with God. and grow
a character which would prove the
most valuable asset in the walks and
ways of this world, and which would
be of amending and infinite worth amid
the eternal riches of the skies.-Rev.
C. B. Mitchell, Methodist, Chicago.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Think of 1t!

Two brothers. each of whom Is near.
!y six feet and half tall, we're one
day introduced by an acquaintance to
a young lady. AS she sat gazing up at
the pair of giants in wonder and awe,
she exclaimed:
Great heavens! Suppose there
had been only one of you'll"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Railway Clerks Speciality.

Among the voluntary helpers in the
work of compiling the Oxford English
dictionary, the most learned authority
on words and phrases of the Eliza
bethan period, according to Dr. r. A.
Miers' principal of London university,
was a railway clerk.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
State OF MISSISSIPPI
Scott County o.
Letter to
DR.. Kflmer q Co.
Binghamton, n. Y.
Prove What Swamp.Root VIII Do For You

Prove What Swamp Root VIII Do For You
Send to Dr. Kilmer & Co., Bingham
ton. N Y. for a sample bottle. 1t will
convince anyone You will also receive
a booklet of valuable information, tell.
ing all about the kidneys and bladder.
When writing, be sure and mention
this paper. Regular fifty-cent and one
dollar size bottles for sale at all drug
stores.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

Sore Throat is no trifing ailment. I.
will sometimes carry infection to the en-
tire system through the food you eat.
Hamlins Wizard Oil cures Sore Throat.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
those Dear Girls.

FVSG DC&T
Maud am told | got my good
looks from my mother.
Ethel wouldn't repeat that If
/ were you.
Maud-Why not?
Ethel-People will think your moth
ar was stingy.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Sheep for Show Purposes.

Pale or very dark-skinned sheep
should not be selected for show pur-
poses; rich pink is the desirable col
or. When a sheep has gone off color
In it's skin, 1t is not in good health.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
important to Mothers
Her FATE.

II have three husbands to support,
pleaded the ragged beggar woman.
"What-are you a bigaEist?"
mo, sir. One husbands mine and
the others belong to my two daugh-
ters."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

You'll generally always find that
the person who Is most suspicious of
others, himself needs watching
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Dynamite as an Aid.

1t is said. on good authority. that
trees growing in soils opened with dy
Mantle make a more rapid growth
than those set in holes made with
shovels.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Probably.

Probably.
Teacher-What did the Philistines
say after David had slain Goliath?
Willie-O, suppose they said, 'Nev-
er mind The seasons young yet.
Wait till David hits slump. Christ
mas Puck.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Saws Without Teeth.

The development of circular disks
of iron. turning with great velocity.
but possessing no teeth on the edge.
for saving material. is common In
many workshops.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

TO DRIVE OUT MALARIA
AND BUILD UP THE SYSTEM
chill Tonic. You Know WSa. you are taki iIs
The formula is plainly printed on every bottle
form, and the most ehectual form. For grown
people and children. 80 cents.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
AIIlNery True, but

Fond Father - Yes. Johnny, when
the Millennium is come the lamb can
lie down with the lion in perfect
safety
Little johnny tdoubtingly)-I s'pose
ats sc 1t Pd rather be the lion,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
For COLDS and GRIT

Hicks CAPUDINE is the best remedy-rc-
heves the aching and feverishness-cures the
Gold and restores normal conditions. It's
Hquid-efects Immediately. 1oc-, 25c., and SOC.
At drug stores
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
He Had None

He-Don't you like to eat a peach
with the skin on?
She-No, it's like kissing a man with
a mustache-er-I think I hear mother
calling
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

latest wrinkle with massage ma
chine.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Important pistinction.,

Important DIStIHCtIUH..
You can take that ak and get up
an appetite for a little dinner" said
the farmers wife
Lady," replied Meandering Mike.
what I was applyin' fur was food;
not physical culture"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
The LinQo

The Lingo.
81 confess l can't understand what
your baby's saying"
Its queer language, isn't it,"
YES, sort of early English"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

Profitable goods are good friends
that we dearly love to part with.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Rema rkablc.

His wife is a remarkable woman"
How SOP"
she can look stylish in bonnets
that he likes"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

Mrs. Wfnslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces inflamma-
ton, allays pain. cures wind collie, Csc bottle
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Variety for Hens.

Hens like a variety in the menu, and
they have to have it before many
eggs are laid
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

Women are more economical than
men. A man will manufacture lie
out of the whole cloth, but a woman
will generally use remnants.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
phxsieaI Proof.

'F-.. Jims, saw y, double on the
street today"
Impossible. madal I'm a single
man."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

81 fought yous said yous kin lick
me wild yer hands tied behind yer
back?"
"I-I-can! I'm just goin' now
to get a string to tie 'em!'
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
In rhiN.

In Chicago.
did her husband die or resign?"
Il believe he merely failed Of re-
election"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
ra.ruI pair

I'm the saddest thing there is-the
ghost of lost love-
Huh! I'm worse than that! I'm
the ghost of vanished bank &C.
count!"-Puck
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

Toned man whose word was as good
as his bond?
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

Some society women are known by
what they waste their affection on
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Clear Out Old Hens.

Clear off the old hens and replace
them by early Matched pullets,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

A woman falls in love gracefully.
but a man usually stumbles into it
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

The man who knows God best is the
one who trusts him most.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
PROMINENT PHYSICIANS FAIL IN
KIDNEY WOMAN'S
GOOD ADVICE.

regard DR.. Kilmer's Swamp-Root
as the best medicine for kidney and
bladder trouble have ever taken and
I will always recommend it to all that
are afflicted with bladder or kidney
trouble. For eleven months 1 was at
f1icted with kidney and bladder trou-
BILE in violent form. The symptoms in
my case were fearful. During all this
time | was being treated by the best
and foremost doctors of the country,
all OF them failing to afford me the
slightest relief and | continued to
grow worse all the time and while |
had utmost confidence in their treat
ment, 1t seemed that the time had
come in my case when | must try 9TH
er remedies, consequently, | resorted
to the use OF Swamp-Root and before
| had taken three small bottles, every
pain and symptom had completely dis
appeared. For any form of kidney
trouble, DR.. Kilmer's Swamp-Root is
the medicine to use. l have never
known it to fail in single case.
Very truly yours,
L. NJ. HUNTER,
R. F. D. No. 1. Morton, Miss.
state OF MISSISSIPPI
Scott County 3d.
Personally appeared before me the
undersigned member of Board of Sup
ervisors in and for said County and
State, the within named L. M. Hunter,
who after being duly sworn states that
the foregoing testimonial is composed
of his own words, written with his
own hand and the same is absolutely
true and genuine.
J. G FISHER, NJ. B. S.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

TO CURE COLD IN ONE DAY
Take LAXATIVE BROMO Qunine Tablets.
Druggists refund money If II fails to cure. b. W.
GROVES signature il on each box. Csc.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

ITCH, ITCH relieved In 30 minutes by
Woolford's Sanitary Lotion. At Druggists.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

Constipation causes and aggravates many
serious diseases 1t is thoroughly cured by
DR. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets. The favor
its family laxative.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

The higher a man climbs the more
It hurts him to fall
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

Most of us would heenly enjoy
wcrking-if only we weren't compelled
to do It.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

The Sixth Sense.
Mrs. NEEDLE makes so much trou-
Bile in the neighborhood."
Yes. she has such fine sense of
humor!"-Life
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Id \ . o.
Is THE ~ ME
~oF the BEST MEDICINE
~for COUGHS 3 COLDS

You need expect no quarter from
the footpad until you give up your
last cent
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12

PILES CURED IN TO Il DAYS
Your druggist will refund money If PAZO ONT
MENT fails to cure any case Of Itching, Blind.
bleeding or Protruding Piles In TO ID days. Doc.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
Stamp Needed in 7

Stamp Needed in That Case.
She stamped her foot"
That was all right, If her foot was
going by mall
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1912-01-12
For HsADAcHE-H1cks, cApUD,NE

Whether from Colds, Neat, Stomach or
Nervous Troubles, Capudine will relieve you.