davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
NJ GEORGE FITCH,
Aushor Of ~At Coed ora siwush.~

Honesty Is 80 hard to define that most
people do not tackle the Job except for
the benefit OF their neighbors-
The dictionary. which II one Of our
most successful side-steppers, says hon
esty ls freedom from fraud or guile
II forget TO mention that honesty usually
means freedom from money also.
The proverb says honesty Is the best
policy. II u amazing to see how many
people have horror OF playing policy.
The old Spartans admired honesty
greatly. Stealing was honest IN their
eyes. but getting caught with the goods
was great crime. The recent bribery
investigations have revealed the fact
that the United States stnate Is fun OF
Spartans.
Some men are so honest that they Will
not steal mans money so long as they
can get It by selling him stock In q de-
funct gold mine. Other men would shud-
der with horror at the thought Of selling
deeayed mining stock when the same re-
suits can be obtained In a perfectly legal
manner by borrowing ths. money and go7.
Ing Into bankruptcy with no visible as
sets. .
Many men are 50 honest that they win
not steal pin. But they would hoId the
coat OF q personal friend while he stole
battle ship. Still others decline 70 steal
anything AZ all preferring To. leave. the.
Joo,to litigation. which usually gives ex-
cellent satisfaction ..--.----t- -
There are also men with whom you
could trust your watch with perfect safe
ty, but who would take a stock company.
away from you with a merry laugh.
Some men are honest. IN small things.
because there is no profit in piker pilfer-
ings. Others are honest in large things
because there Is less risk in small pack
ages.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06

This sign will be displayed In a nice
gilt frame over every well-reguIated bar
In Washington II the new drinkers
license" system proposed by Senator
Hepburn Is put into effect.
Taking a ''bracer" before breakfast or
few ''nightcaps" on the way home
from lodge will be something of an or
deal. and many q red nose blanches at
the awful possibility threatened by the
revolutionary ideas Of the Senatorial re-
former.
II you cannot match your finger prints
with similar imprints upon your exclu-
sive drinkers license the cooling stein
or the invigorating rye will be not for
you Instead. yours will be the stony
stare and banishment.
The new Senatorial idea is based upon
the proposition that the consumers. not
the purveyors, of stinuIsEts ought TO be
required 20 have licenses. Bartenders,
the Senator urges are alrnoA invariably
total abstainers, while the average con-
sumner. he maintains. is notoriously
prodigaL not to ray reckless
II you desire to !mpart a rosy tinge to
the atmosphere. show a friend the sights.
or cheer the monotonous life Of an over
worked chorus girl with a quart OF extra
dry. you must therefore provide yourself
with a license setting forth in legal
terms that you are entitled TO the prtyt-
'ege.
Licenses will be granted only after
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
Pocketle.. Rn.ebal shirt..

From the American Magazine.
Among the abnormal incidents that
figured in the earlier history Of the ma
tional game perhaps none is as well
known to old-timers as the one which
happened to Cliff Carroll on the st. Louis
grounds. when he was a member OF the
famous Browns Perhaps you have
wondered why baseball players have
plain shirt fronts and why so few players
have breast pockets. Clin Carroll Is the
reason. He was running forward TO take
base hit on the first bound The ball
bounced crooked and hit him on the
chest. He grabbed at the ball hastily
and, as he clutched II. he showed II down
into the handkerchief pocket on his shirt
front The runner saw Carroll tuggfng
and straining TO tear the ball out OF the
pocket and instead OF stopping at first
he sprinted on to second, while Carroll,
stin trying to dislodge the ball. ran to
second. The batter passed the fielder
and turned for third with Carroll IN pur-
suit At third Carroll stopped and tried
IN vain to release the ball. and the run
ner kept on across the plate and scored
the winning run. Chris Won der Abe. who
at that time was at the head Of the eu-
phouic trio-Von der Abe, Muckenfuss.
and Diddlebock. which operated the club
WAS furious and ordered all pockets re-
moved from baseball shirts. Other teams
and the pockets never have
been restored except by few players,
who are willing to risk the repstitioa e
she accident
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
The Life Of Burroughs.

It is pleasant to contemplate the life
Of John Burroughs in the Msytime He
who has reached the autumn Of his al
lotted span on earth still retains the
spirit of spring, and the elixir of youth
flows in his veins. He writes, in the
current Atlantic. an article entitled
''The Summit Of the Years" which is
the testimony of an old man to the
sheer Joy of living when life is untar-
nished by the braten harshness Of strug-
Cling for worldly goods. He writes:
Il am in love with the world; by my
constitution / have nestled lovingly in
il 1t has been my home. It has been
my point of outlook into the universe. l
have not bruised myself against it l
have titled its soil / have gathered its
hsrvests. ! have waited upon its sea-
sons, and always have reaped what l
have sown. While l deIved I did not
lose sight OF the sky overhead. While
gathered its meat and bread for my
body l did not neglect to gather its
meat and bread for my soul
Here is a wholesome American ex-
preston. something TO give US pause in
the midst of the hurly-burly. The
world-weaTy civilizations of Europe.
immersed in the literature of the Deca-
dents, give short shrift to the apparent
simplicity and juveniIity of such doc
trine. John Burroughs strikes the
great truths Of truths when he says
that Nature takes her pay from the
man who is an xtremist-whether he
be an extremist in the passions, the
greed Of gold. or of intellect.
No man can cheat Nature out of that
pay All men acquire knowledge of that
fact from the depths of their expert
ence. Lucky indeed is he who can
start his life forewarned and fore
armed with il.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
The oIde.t Human BONG.

lhC OAacAN huhnah DOnCs
From Harpe-'s Weekly
In October, 1907, a German named
schoentensack. an antiquarian who had
watched the excavation Of a sand quarry
near Heidelburg during a period of
twenty years in the hope OF finding evil
dences OF prehistoric man. dug out of a
stratum which was undoubtedly Of the
earlier Quaternary period, IL not OF a
period between the Pliocene and
the ouaternary. the jaw of a be-
ing of the remote pasta creature
possible of consideration as human. or,
to say the least. the immediate precursor
Of man. This notable relic was found
deep In the sand bed, between two and
three feet from the rocky base Of the bed.
In that regicn the sand beds are formed
OF twenty-seyen strata Of sand separated
by clay running through layers Of rolled
pebbles, over blocks NJ stone which, pre-
sumably, were transported by the ice of
the ice age. In the nineteenth layer this
bone was found.
This relic contains all the teeth. and is
well preserved. In many ways II differs
from all known human jaws, actual and
fossil. At first sight II recalls the Jaw Of
the gorilla. II is twice the size of the
jaw Of the modern man But the body
of the jaw Is much shorter than the Jaw
OF the gorilla. The teeth are no larger
than modern human teeth; they are set
close together, and all are Of equal
height. The chin is excessively receding,
and the imprint of the tongue muscles is
pronounced. The jaw belonged to a man,
possibly the common ancestor OF man
and the anthropoid.
The general aspect OF the Jaw is that
of an epe's. but the system Of the teeth
Is not that OF an ape. but OF q man. The
jaw cannot be considered as the jaw of
the pithecanthropus. because the teeth OF
the pithecanthropus are much higher
and heavier than the teeth Of man.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
STATESMEN REAL AND NEAR.
By FRED c. KELLY.

And when they had gone through, clos
Ing the door behind them. they were
dismayed to hnd themselves on a narrow
balcony almost as small as q Washing-
ton building lot. Consider their plight.
The door had locked automatically and
they were AZ least 800 feet above the
hard pavement. on q balcony hardly q
yard wide, with q two-foot railing. and
they had neither hats nor overcoats.
though twas cold night Apparently
there were no guest rooms near. and Il
was no use to call for help.
Burke. however. did not give up hope,
but ourrowed along on his hands and
knob He tried Il. and 70 his great Joy,
Il turned. They found themselves In
what seemed TO be a spiral stairway.
though IL was 20 dark that all they
could do was proceed downward eau
tiously. hoping for the best.
Suddenly Burke, who was q few steps
ahead. opened another door and stepped
out into an alley A small crowd had
gathered as Il his coming had been ex-
pected, and q man IN q blue uniform,
sized him roughly by the shoulder.
See here, bo." said the man in unI-
form, i reckon you thought you could
get away with that kind Of business,
didn't you? Well, we've been right after
you You were pretty slick. but not
quite slick enough-even II you did get
a good BIZ OF Jewelry. You didn't know
you would sound a FIRE alarm at every
step when you tried TO sneak out that
inside fire escape. did your
Just then Murphy emerged and as he
happened to know the oficer. he was
able to convince him that Burke wasn't
the thief they were after. But Burke
didn't 80 to another banquet for more
than a week.
Senator Newlands Of Nevada. who al
ways looks indignant. though he isn't
at all. Is q stickler for the strict forms
of etiquette. For example. he frequent
ly takes time on his busiest days TO
write letters in his own handwriting,
rather than dictate them. when he thinks
the situation calls for something more
personal and less mechanical than
typewriter letter.
Senator Newlands allows himself few
sartorial vices any more. He formerly
wore spats, but put them away in the
back Of the lower drawer Immediately
after T. Roosevelt tw4tted him about
them one day at the White House. and
they have remained dormant ever since
And even his fancy vests are OF the
milder sort.
Old John. Sharp Williams showed him
self recently 10 be a master Of dialect.
In his speech favoring greater restrc-
tion OF immigration, ne told a story in
which he immitated the Irish. Itanan,
and the French, and all with
an accuracy that made a hit.
Copyright. isl2. by Fred C Kelly. An rights 10
serTedl
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06

II Representative Jimmy Burke, OF
Pittsburg. were 10 60 TO q banquet and
get through without having some kind
Of adventure ne would pinch himself
10. make sure he wasn't dreaming. and
consult almanacs, astroiogsrs. and corner
druggists TO fnd out what had happened
10 him.
Burke was invited by senator o'Gorman
TO make an address at the annual 81.
Patrick'6 Day dinner of the Irish so-
cieties at the knickerbocker Hotel IN
New York. Tbs senator explained 20
him that L was one OF the pig events
IN New YORK. attended not onIy Dy the
leading Irish-Americans. but by the high
He said that man named Burke ought
TO get an ovation, ana burke willingly
consented TO so on the programme.
Just so riehf 10 the oanquet room. .
directed O'Gorman, -and Mr.. SULLIVAN
VIII meet you ana introduce you 10 the
other speakers.-
Tn the evening or the Htn BurKe ar
rived in New YORK. ana set out ror the
Knickerbocker. He was thinking about
HIS speech and gave little heed TO what
was going on about him, bat he did
chance TO hear two men right IN front
Of him on the car talking about the
banquet" and when they got on al
Forty-second Street, Il was apparent
that they were going to the same pan-
quet he was. SO he followed them. thus
saving himself the bother OF asking dues-
tons about the way to the banquet room.
When he entered the room. man
came up and inquired pleasantly:
You're Mister-uh-''
I'm Mr.. Burke" said Burke. Are
you Mr.. SullivanT'
NO." said the petite stranger. ''Mr.
sullivan-you'ge looking for Mr.. Sullivan,
you say2 Well, he-uh, isn't here-at
least not yet"
There seemed to be a mystery about
the whole situation that puzzled Burke.
Somehow. as he looked into the faces
OF the guests about him, he doubted II
he ever would find Mr. sullivan. There
was something about their faces that
made him feel as II he were out OF
place.
Another man came up to him and In
troduced himself. When Burke heard the
name he jumped as II the man had been
a detective on his trail He felt cer-
tain something was amiss somewhere.
Isn't this the St Patricks Day ban
quet?' asked Burke, and even as he
spoke he read In the mans face that he
had got into the wrong banquet ROOM
why. no." the man replied, this Is
the annual dinner OF the B'nai Birth"
Barely a week after that Burke at
tended big dinner at the leading hotel
In Philadelphia, along with Col Ned"
Murphy. Of Gov. Tener's stan.
They got OF at the wrong floor on their
way to the banquet room and found
themselves grooping about a large room
Uttered with big rolls OF carpet.
'Ah, here's a door" said Burke. at last.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
The Twenty-fOur.hOur Day.

The movement now afoot to adopt a
new method of measuring the day by
aboiishing the A. NJ and P. NJ. notation
and of naming the hours from one to
twenty-four has much to commend it.
1t meets with the Endorsement of the
railways, whose timetables will be lit
tie more ineligible to the hurried trav-
eler, and by the Weather Bureau, whose
reports of observations taken at two
hour intervals become confused by the
present twelve-hour notation. That it
would do away with much confusion in
everyday life is also apparent. and the
experience of those European countries
which have already adopted the new
method have proved this
One thing in its favor is the ease with
which it can be put into immediate prac-
tiee. Any nation that has as easily and
as effectively put into practical use the
system of standard time as Americans
have done viii find little difficulty in
making such change as is involved in
the twerity-four-hour plan. Changes in
the time and calendar system have been
attended in the past with some friction
1t is matter of historical secord that
when the people of England went to
bed on the night of September ?, 1852,
and awakened on September "a, great
indignation was felt by the people,
who vented their resentment against
Lord Chesterfield, the proposer of the
indignity, by parading the streets of
London with banners bearing the in
scription: Give US back our eleven
days" 1t was the same act. too, which
made January the New Years Day in
place of March IS. Russia has not been
able to have this change made yet, and
keeps living along under what other
people are pleased to call the Old Style.
But the change now suggested will
make no such radical alterations in es-
timating fine as did that just cited.
Law-abiding citizens who are wont to
retire betimes would have to do so
in the future at z3 o'clock, instead of at
II; while those whose habit of life
carries their waking hours beyond mid
night will make no change in their Gus
tom. 1t is probable that any system of
reckoning which would bring about ref
ormation IN this direction might meet
with more instant adoption and heartier
approval than has been shown toward
the new plan.
In kilograms, newspapers, and type
writers, where every word counts, the
omission Of the explanatory word in so
common a thing as the notation of time
has become in our lives would make
perceptible saving; while in our speech
the use of the whole twenty-four hours
separately would undoubtedly do away
with much perplexity and doubt; that
is, in the next generation. BY that
time new clocks and watches would be
familiar, and the striking of twenty four
by the town clock would no longer have
a tendency to make its hearers believe
it was general FIRE alarm
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
WHAT WILL THE HARVEST BE

The Harvester Trust seems to be bring
ing in the sheayes.
The Harvester Trust viii now have an
opportunity Of showing whether It was
good" or not.
The Reaper suit is ready to file.
What shall the harvest be?
Among the other urgent needs Of the
time are more trust suits with the
stripes on them running horizontally.
See that a Federal Judge has issued
subpoenas for Harvester men Things
have certainly changed. In the old days
you stood on the stoop and blew on a
harvest hands would be on deck in no
time.
Mr.. Perkins says that he would well
come a suit So would We, only We
rather get IT from tailor than an at
torney.
An Indiana Congressman now points
out that the Harvester Trust controls
all the newspapers. which shows how
hard it is to keep our guilty secrets
from a prying world.
President Roosevelt declined to prose-
cute the Harvester Trust, and Presi-
dent Taft has shown no indecent haste
to do so.
Before proceeding further with the
discussion. will George W. Perkins
please state whether he ever escaped a
licking for cutting down cherry tree?
The idea of Mr.. George W. Perkins
that he can do something with.
Now that they are going to dissolve
the Harvester Trust. George W. Perkins
VIII soon have twice as much money for
his political philanthropies.
1t viii be sad day for the Harvester
Trust when men beat their swords into
plowshares.
"Mr George ". Perkins contribution
Of $4,000 to the Roosevelt campaign fund
in New York simply goes to show that
the people are for the colonel. heart and
soul" And that the Harvester Trust.
one OF which Mr.. Perkins is whom,
thinks I'VE are the people"
Roosevelt conreSses- tnat ne made de-
NAL as to the Harvester Trust suit hold
up. without knowing the facts. or hsv-
ing the documents before him. He win
now look into the matter. and attempt
to find a knothole through which he can
crawl
There is always good harvest for the
Harvester Trust.
1t was awfully nice OF President Roose-
welt not to prosecute the Harvester
Trust because the Standard OIL crowd
in Wall Street was giving Mr.. Perkins
the merry ha-ha- Under the circum-
stances, 1t is not surprising that Mr..
Perkins is strong for Mr.. Roosevelt's
reelection
The Harvester Trust may be the un-
doing Of Presidents, but Presidents are
never the undoing of the Harvester
Trust
The question that confronts the Har-
vester Trust attorneys just now. OF
course. Is how long they can make that
SUIT last
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
Proposed Georgetown Endowment.

At the Georgetown University alumni
banquet Saturday night, DR.. w. C.
Woodward, District Health Officer.
launched a campaign. He proposed an
additional endowment for the medical
school of $4,000, Taking time by the
forelocie he canvassed some George
townians around him at the board. and
procured an opening subscription Of
$1,000 with no dificulty whatsoever.
In emphasizing the pressing need of
more thorough medical education in the
United States, DR.. Woodward re-
echoed the dominant opinion Of the pro-
fession- Georgetown has long held an
enviable standing in the medical world.
because many OF the ablest practicing
physicians in Washington are members
Of her faculty. To keep these men she
must have more money. Her instruct-
Ors and professors cannot be expected
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
Fortunate Asquith.

Prom the New York Sun
From the point Of view Of the As
Quith ministry. the most satisfactory
detail In the passage Of the home rule
bill to its first reading is the fact that
the division on this motion revealed but
a single Liberal deserter. Only one
member OF the coalition went into the
lobby OF the opposition, and the pros
poets OF the home rule bill are thus inn
proved materially. In 1856 Gladstone
found himself IN a minority OF thirty on
the same motion.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06

to give much Of their tune to the class
room when they can double or triple
the value Of this time IN their private
practice. That is the situation which
many medical schools face, and it can
be solved only BY the procuring Of ad-
ditional endowment.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06

Thus It ID to be seen plainly that the
standards Of honesty vary - widely ~
plurality guesses by leaders Of opposite
parties- Standards vary IN legislatures
est that they win only sell their votes for
political support. In others the members
viii not accept money and would indig-
nantly return the bundles they and IN
their pockets II they had time and could
remember 10 do II. In still others. when
a member doesn't pawn his desk and
chair he runs for reelection on his good
record
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
Hubby'a Orders.

Hubby. this firm is advertising bath
ing suits IS per cent or"
Don't you dare buy anything as scanty
as that
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
The TIred Rn.iner. Nan.
A sure sIEn.

Here's the baseball page"
II glanced at IL"
Aren't you going to read the account
Of the gamer"
Nav; 1 can see by the absence OF
slang that our team must have put up
rotten exhibition"
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
Hubby Passes.

"a per-version of Brownlng.)
From Judge.
The years at the spring
And it's Monday morn;
Time-nearly seven;
The dus. rags unfurled.
It's springtime housecleaning--
Inferno Is borni
Sure as there's heaven,
AIS wrong in the world.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
SCATTERING SHOTS.

Fron tbs Philadelphia Inquirer.
Kansas has Just had what is-ealled "a
million dollar rainfall" We have a lot
Of surplus rain which we will dispose
Of az very low rates
From the Baltimore sun
In Boston only one-fourth Of the party
strength voted at the primary Even
the most enthusiastic worshiper would
hardly call that preference.
From the Ohio state Journal.
The old fashioned little boy who used
to hide behind his mothers skirts would
stick out on both sides Il he tried Il
now.
Frcn the Richmond News Leader
IL the colonel doesn't look out. the
wind Of public opinion viii blow that
hat out Of the ring" Looks as II II had
been trampled too deep into the rnire
BY the colonel himself for any wind to
set heft on It
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06
TAe onIr May.

From Brovnins's Magazine.
7 wish ! could save my gas and coal
you can"
How"
"Fne EN-
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06

TT is an offense in Ohio for a can
didate to give a voter a cigar And
sometimes a much greater one for the
voter TO smoke it.
The Washington herald., 1912-05-06

Occasionally we meet an unsung hero
who is going cheerily about in the silk
shirt his wife made him from q pattern
In the Ladies' Home Journal