The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1912-12-24
CLUBS WERE TRUMPs
FROM JUDGE.

He looked like gentleman gone to
seed. Though patched and frayed as
to clothing, he was immaculate both
In dress and person. He sat upon the
kitchen doorstep, Smelling peas. His
expression betokened reconciled des-
pair.
BE so kind" he said meekly, but
emphatically, "as not to utter the
word club to me, sir. The induce
ments that could tempt me to join any
kind Of association whatever do not
exist"
Before saying more, he glanced ap-
prehensively over his shoulder. Then
he explained in low tone:
ITO clubs are due all my misfor-
tunes; and I endure sufficient, I as
sure you. When l was young man
and that seems centuries ago-this
village passed through an epidemic of
clubs. How or why the pestilence
broke out, no one knows. But sud-
denly every one was forming them,
joining them, canvassing for them.
There was the Farmers club, the
Housewives club, the Card club, the
Glee club and a score of others. Ev-
cry organization had it's badge, and
some of my neighbors proudly wore
five or six.
"At that time l was just young
enough to know all about life, and
was certain that it offered no prize
like personal liberty. Consequently
was a confirmed bachelor-and rather
prone to boast of it, I fear. My asso-
ciates were all young men who pro-
claimed loudly that they scorned the
female sex. Each had been most
cruelty rejected by some false-hearted
charmer, and when they organized the
Bachelors club the receipt Of one re-
lection at least was made a qualifica-
ton for membership. 1 was eager to
join, but this excluded me.
"Isn't there way to get around
the rule?' I asked Lon Pendleton,
president
ono he replied. We mustn't be-
gin that way. Don't try to get around
it-just qualify
"'Propose to some one?'
Certainly
"'Suppose I am accepted"
"'You needn't be afraid Of that he
replied; then, noticing my look, lame
ly added, select some one who doesn't
like you, mean
THAT was easily done. Salina
Briggs and I had been sworn enemies
since we went barefooted to the dis
trict school. She was bigger than the
teacher then, and I called her Jumbo.
She retaliated by calling me Whiffet.
The years that had added to her bulk
and coarseness had left me under
sized, but a gentleman and (hemD a
scholar"
He sent a quick. sensitive glance
into my eyes, and 1 bowed gravely.
whenever we CHANGED to pass on
the street, she would make some audi
BILE remark about me, to raise the
laughter of the congenial friends
around her. and her vulgar laugh
would raise above them all and follow
me farthest
cept my great desire to join the Bach
elors' club could have made me ad-
dress her-let alone upon such a sub
ject. But in those days when I want
ed thing went it blind as the say
ing is. Moreover, l was sure that
Selma would consider my proposal
joke-perhaps the result of wager
and this knew would enrage her be-
yond measure"
He was silent so long, gazing miser-
ably into space, that I was obliged to
speak to him. He looked up pathet-
ically and whispered:
'She said yes"
"And YOU" I ventured.
II am a gentleman" he returned,
and I nodded.
eff it isn't-er" I began, after
long pause.
Not at ALL" he answered. "She was
mad to join the Matrons' club, that's
ALL"
Before could utter word of SYM
pathy, an untidy head appeared at the
door and a coarse voice cried:
John Hennery, be them peas done
yit?"
And as I passed through the gate /
heard in gentle and refined tones:
mo, Selma; they'll be done in
minute"
Wife Who Is Past Redemption.
Oar amt no hope for muh wife,"