The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1912-05-06
F. HI. DILLON & co.

tnlnk-anyway a very large quantity or number. I read along down, and down, and down the list, further and further and further, ana as ap- preached the bottom my hopes began to rise higher and higher, because l saw that everything in England, that far, was taxed by name and in de- tail except perhaps the family and maybe parliament, and yet still no mention of authors. Apparently they sure enough they were. My heart gave great bound. But I was too soon. There was a foot note in MT. Bright's hand, which said: You are taxed under schedule D, section 14.,' I turned to that place and found these three things: Trades, office, gas works
 "Of course, after moments re- flection, hope came up again, and then
 certainty. MT. Bright was in error and clear off the track, for author ship is not trade, it is an inspira- tiOn; authorship does not keep an of flee, it's habitation is all out under winds are blowing and the sun Is shining and the creatures of God are free.
 Now then, since have no trade and keep no office. I am not taxable un- der schedule D, section IA. Your ma SOCS l that other thing that I spoke of the deductions'-deductio from my tax which I may get allowed, under con- ditions MT. Bright says all deduc- tions to be claimed by me must be restricted to the provisions made in paragraph No. 8 entitled, Wear and tear of machinery or plant This is curious, and shows how far he has got away on his wrong course after he has got started wrong, for offices and trades do not have plant, they do not have machinery, such a thing was never heard of, and, moreover, they do not wear and tear. You see that, your majesty, and that is true. Here is the paragraph No. g.:
 Amount claimed as deduction for diminished value by reason of Wear and Tear, where the Machin- Company, so that the Lessee is bound to maintain and deliver over the same in good condition
 " Amount
 "There it is-the very words
 "I could answer MT. Bright thus:
 Tt is my pride to say that my Brain is my Plant; and I do not claim any deduction for diminished value by reason of Wear and Tear, for the req son that it does not wear and tear, but stays sound and whole all the time. Yes, I could say to him, my Brain is my Plant, my Skull is my Workshop, my Hand is my Machinery, and I am the Person carrying on the Concern; it is not leased to anybody. so there is no lessee bound to main- tain and deliver over the same in good condition There, I do not wish in any way to overrate this argument and answer, dashed off just so, and not a word of it altered from the way I first wrote it, your majesty. but indeed it does seem to pulverize that young fellow: you can see that yourself But that is all I say. stop there; I never pursue a person after I have got him down.
 Having thus shown your majesty that I am not taxable, but am the victim of an error of a clerk who mistakes the nature of my commerce, 1t only remains for me to beg that you will of your justice annul my let ter that I spoke of, so that my pub- fisher can keep back that tax money which in the confusion and alteration caused by the Document, I ordered him to pay. You will not miss the sum. but this is a hard year for Au- thors. and as for lectures, I do not suppose your majesty ever saw such a dull season.
 with always great and ever in- creasing respect, I beg to sign my self, your majesty's servant to com- mand MARK TWAIN"