The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16


well. come in and get n new hat for
your old one, anyway."-St. Paul Pho
neer-Press.
In days of old. when knights were bold,
They dressed in mail complete.
When breezes cold blew Ger the wold
They must have had cold feet.
Milwaukee Sentinel.
Carsone-Who was it said deeds |
speak louder than words?" Gebhardt |
Must have been a real estate agent
Satire.
We are not susceptible to seasickness !
and we are decidedly apathetic about |
pleasantries on that theme, but we do |
wish that newspapers would cease to |
speak of societies holding dinners"
1t suggests too much.-New York Mail. |
A five foot shelf of books he got.
Somehow his courage finches.
For though he much admires the lot, |
He hasn't read three inches.
Washington Star.
uuutlSldIu lucy are SOluS " IT,
wise the football rules right away"
Yes. They all agree there should be
an entirely new assortment of acci-
dents."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Settlement Worker Here. here!
What are you swearing at that little
boy for? New York Kid-Aw, I'm
teaching him English! He jist come
over.-Puck
The north wind doth blow, and we shall
have snow,
And what will the iceman do then. poor
thing?
Lest his lot be too hard. he will start
coal yard
And gouge the consumer again, poor
thing!
-Lippincott's Magazine.
Mrs. A.--Your husband always dress
es so quietly.
Mrs. Bile does not. You ought to
hear him when he loses a collar button.
Milwaukee News.
Kicking is bad policy. Behold the
mule Kicking never gets him any
where" THAT is exactly why the
mule kicks" "Eh?" "He doesn't
want to get anywhere re"-Birmingham
Age-Herald
'Tis sweet to love, but, oh. how sour
To love a girl with scanty dover!
Judge.
King Arthur had just invented the
round table.
Fine" we cried, "but can you in
vent one where nobody gets the chick
en- neck 2"-New York Sun.
Crawford-How's your mining ven-
ture getting on?
Skinnem-First rate. 1 never imag-
ined we had such a good mine until
read the prospectus we issue-Lippin-
colts Magazine.
The college songs are full of glee
The singers voices rare and clear
They sing SO high we cannot see
And then so low we cannot hear!
Buffalo Express.
Europe holds lot of our stocks and
bonds"
Invests her cash with us, eh?'
Not much cash. Gets most of 'em
by marriage. ge."-Washington Herald.
Reggie-Why do you envy Gladys so?
Peggy-She is happily married and has
two Of the dearest little toy dogs you
ever saw.-Puck.
"A fireman is no spark for me-
The words were pretty Names
~ could't keep the lad, you see,
Away from other flames"
Boston Transcript.
Wigwag-Did you see anything ex-
! traordinary on your trip abroad?
Guzzler-No; wasn't seeing things.
limited myself strictly to ten drinks
day.-Philadelphi Record.
Everything must some day come to
an end"
Il guess you've never had a woman
start talk with you over the phone"
Pittsburgh Press.
This world is but heeting show
For mans Illusion given"
| We have to coax the weaker sex.
Because II won't be driven.
Houston Post
"How is it / never hear ycu speak OF
your old college daysT
Well, the college / went to didn't
have a very good football team
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Teacher (class in Bobby,
what are the principal feeders of the
Mississippi river?
Bobby 49, Catfish. ma'am. - Chicago
| Tribune.
When Handel had insomnia
In place of counting sheep
He wrote lullaby and so
Composed himself to sleep.