Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1912-08-16
Dinner Stories

senator Alice, of Delaware. WIN
served a few years in the senste
had a pair of very short legs. As
result there was little difference IN
his height when he was sitting or
standing at his desk.
One morning. when the late Senator
Frye, of Maine. as president pro tenn
pore. was presiding. Senator Alice
arose and waved a bunch of papers
clamoring for recognition. Senator
Frye was a bit short-sighted. He
looked in Allee's direction and Their
turned to the assistant clerk and
asked testify:
Rose, is that little man from Della
ware standing up or sitting DOWN.
I'm hanged If / can tell,"
Mr.. Justin Mccarthy once said thai
IN his opinion one of the wittiest r..
torts he ever heard in the House of
Commons came from DIR. Robert Wal
lace DR.. Wallace was criticizing and
condemning an education measure
when a member interrupted with.
Half a loaf is better than no bread
III a flash came the rejoinder:
Is half a watch better thar no
chronometer?"
A motorist was showing of his
car TO an old sea captain, whose
knowledge of recent developments on
terra frma is somewhat hazy.
How fast car she travel?" asked
the captain.
Fifty miles an hour"
"of the wind?'
Either on or off," said the owner.
The old sea-dog grunted ~dubiously.
His y caught the steering wheel.
rs that yer wheeI?" he inquired.
Yes
Then where's yer compass?"
Don't use one"
"Oh. she don't work like a boat,
them"
Quite different"
Again the captain grunted as his
eye wandered over the snorting con.
traption, until he caught sight of the
extra tire fastened on behind, when
he demanded, triumphantly. 5
Now. if she amt like a boat, why
In the name of Davy Jones do yer
carry hat there life belt?"
Colonel Winter Wimberly, of Ma
con, Ga, enjoys a wide reputation
as a story teller in Georgia, that land
of story tellers.
Colonel Winiberly was once en-
gagged in a case in which the plain
tins son, l lad of eight years. was
to appear as a witness.
VN1A.. u 49,
box he wor shoes several sizes too
large, a hat that almost hid his
face, long trousers, rolled up so that
the baggy knees were at his ankles,
and, to complete the picture, a swal.
low-tail coat that had to be held
to keep it from sweeping the floor.
This ludicrous picture was too
much for the court. but the Judge.
between his spasms of laughter. man
aged to ask the boy his reasons for
appearing in such garb.
With wondering look the lad fished
In an inner pocket and hauled the
summons from it, pointing out a
sentence with a solemn mien as hs
did so. ~.
ITO appear in his fathers suit
it read.
Jobson and his wife were enjoying
a stroll along the quiet country road.
The footpath vas extremely narrow.
and Jobson, of course. was more off
1t h on. Thus, when the motor car
rushed round the corner, poor old
Jobson got it in the small of his
back. The owner of the car umped
off to render assistance, and the in
jured man was hurried to the nearest
doctors. But the cas- was hopeless.
Forgive me. old man. said the
penitent motorist. Can I make any
reparation?"
Yes he whispered. Are you
married.
mo"
"Engaged?'
mo"
We'll, as you will be responsible
for making my wife a widow, will you
marry herr"
Certainly replied the motorist,
with a catch in his voice. And I
shall care for and protect her as long
as ] live"
Jobson sank back with a sigh Of
content and murmured to himself: