The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-11-24
7IsTUR EDDITUR:

RHISTUR EDDITUR:
IVA Old Andy Karnegee, who has
IES&sy so much reel mummy that when
ever he thinks about having
to pay his taxes it gives him the
ST. Vitus danse, consequently being OPP
posed constitusionelly to having st. Vitus
danse he don't pay emmy taxes, and Jawn
ID. ROCKEFELLER, who has bonds on EVERY
thing in this country exsept the ten COM
maadmints, and is watching for the copy
rite to play out on them, and Miss Gould,
and Jane Addamsun, and Cardinal Glib
buns, and luther CRATE patryotts OF the
United States, together with forrain folks
who have the same affliXion as themselves,
get together EVERY two or three years, as
the nosion strikes them and have a big
pow-wow and general all-round gabfest
and beside that we amt going to have emmy
moor war; The forrain powers JOIN IN
with them at the Hague, whatever that IS
and they all agree to go rite home and forge
the sword into the pruning hook, and skut-
tie the battleships put the ammunision IN
the cellar, and fire all the gennerels, and
reduce the war department to the same size
as the polise force and love one anuther
ever Afterwards. This makes Andy reel
happy, and the newspapers air full OF
"World Wide Peace and the Real Affex-
ion with which the Great Powers Regard
each uther.'
Resolutions air passed and agreed to
that s'war is barbaryous and no gentleman
will participate in one, and that hereaftur
it must be reflex of days befour we had
Millyunairs and Predatory Wealth. All
the resolution air sollemly signed and at
tested by all the Powers, and they eech and
EVERY one say that the disarmamint must
cum rite away and there is absolutely nuth-
ing that could induse emmy of them to take
up arms against his naybor. "The world
is becumming moor sivvilized' they say
and our interests air too common for us
to fife over meer little MISUNDERSTANDING
'We will arbytrate our differences, at so
much per arbytrate.'
Then they all go rite back home and
urge the legislatures to pass bill to bid
IL new drednoughts and increase the stand
ing army three or fore milyun men, and
the next thing you know we have regular
war going rite ON and folks shooting each
uther Just the same as ever.
Things in the world now air Dust like
they used to be before we got up to the
point of going to the high school, and using
q nife to eat our PEGS with instead of our
hands Folks air just the same kind of
folks they was when little David wint out
and picked up rock and whacked old Col
yer on the bean and nocked him into the
sweet bye and bye. Just like they was
when Hannibull marched his army down
frum the mountains on the enemy when
tbev used to fife fist and skull and killed
off few miIlyuns of them in day or 50.
Z The methods Of killing a total stranger,
who you don't know and have nothing
against except that he is on the uther side,
d sumwhat differint now than what it used
10 be, but it is just as effective. In the
Alden times before they had guns and can
. nuns, they use to fife with bows and ar
rers and hives and speers, but on the hole
they were just as trying on the system as
forty-fore calliber bullets or boms loaded
with dynamite Back in them days, be