davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Sized Up WRONG.

Good morning, madam"
I'VE don't want no SEWN ma
chimes"
"No?"
Nor no patent clothes wringer-"
'Indeed?"
"An' we got two gran planners an
a cabinet orgind."
"Yes?"
AN every room has a clock an all
on us hez watchis.'
"How about pictures?"
KANT sell us none O. them, neither,
stranger. They amt wall in tn
house ye kin see for the RATS O. oil
paintings hung on EN-"
II suppose you have a dog?"
Pap hez MORN forty, an all
bloodid''
How about carriages?"
Barns full on 'em. An we don't
buy no hosses on this ranch"
"Mornin'-say, tenderfut, who bees
ye, anyhow"
'Im the tax assessor"
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Wanted to Know the cuIprit.

The following story was told recent
ly by Austin Haines to a party Of
friends he entertained at luncheon:
Down In a little Florida town two
negro families live in shanties about
4 stones throw apart. They obtain
their drinking water from a shallow
open well located midway between the
TWO houses. A fence which separates
he two yards is built up to the well
On both sides. Every evening after
her days work is done, 1t is the GUS
.om of one of the negro mammies to
pick up buckets and go to the well for
water. One day the owner of the
property moved the fence back about
ten feet from where 1t originally stood.
That evening when Eliza started out
with her pail she fixed her eye on the
fence and made straight for it. Walk
ing hurriedly along the beaten path.
she plunged into the shallow well with
q splash. Her screams brought i'm
mediate assistance, and as she climb
ed out and spied the fence ten feet
away she Indignantly exclaimed:
Now, who done moved dat well?' Z"
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Picked Peppers.

Now. dearie." said the nurse, 81
want you to learn this nice little poem
about Peter Piper Picked a Peck of
Picked Peppers"
'Shan't," answered the Boston
child. much in the manner of other
children.
"Oh, naughty. naughty, Why
Waldo, why won't you learn this pret-
ty poem?"
For two reasons answered Wal
do. in the first place, the allitera-
tion of the line you quote is SO exces-
slve as to destroy any literary finish
that such adventitious aids to metri-
cal composition might lend II used
more sparingly. And. in the second
place. consider the impossibility of
picking peppers which have already
picked. The whole thing is beneath
the attention of any intelligent per.
son.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Cause for Hurry.

1t was on an occasion when n Pres
ident of the United States was max
ing swing around the country. A
man who was carrying the mail on a
weekly route between Missouri
county seat town and a little post
office out at a country store came
dashing madly down the road in the
direction of the town. A farmer who
saw him coming and wondered at his
great haste, halted him and said:
whats the matter, Jimson?
What's your great hurry this morn
ing?"
Hurry" Jimson repeated, why,
don't you know the President is to be
in town today"
"Oh, see," the farmer replied.
You want to get there in time to see
him."
Its not that that makes me hurry"
ut ain't?'
mo, sir! You may not know it,
but this working for the government
is a mighty ticklish business, and a
man has got to be awful careful or
he'll lose his Job. Now suppose the
President gets off the train down
there and asks about me and / amt
there, and he finds out I'm late.
Don't you see, there'd be trouble right
off, and might be asked to resign?"
"T see."
"Yes, sir So amt taking no
chances. When the President steps
off the train and asks the crowd,
Where is Jimson7' I'm going to be
there, SO can step right out and say:
Here | am, SIR"
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
1Hz2yE WoNawM Mzuq MZ VNvH.4D1 1M

but all over the South Seas the handicraft of the
native workmen is becoming more and more
rarity to be snapped up for preservation in the
worlds great museums.
In New Zealand 1t is penal offense to attempt
to export ii bit of Maori carving, living Maori
may be employed upon a bit of native art work
for foreigner. matter what the price offered
the workman may be. he must sell to the gov
ernment In the New Hebrdes. wood carving is
all but lost art. Today in the native villages.
in the home OF chief where the old fgree
woodwork dividing the hut in two rooms still
stands only the very oldest workers in the vii
lagos repair 1t properly. Where there no
for the young men. they know nothing what
ever of the art. Practically 1t has already died
out
| had the Pandanus tree growing In
Hawaii, l have sat down and watched the
Hawaiians who. in spite of their childhood spent
in the public schools still the art of mat
making, and seated upon the flooring of their
modern piazzas. their legs under them, keep their
fingers busy with the long strips of leaves that
some else has dried and cured for them II
was until had spent some time among the
Fljians that | met those who collect their own
leaves and follow the process of mat making from
start to finish.
The woman's work in the South Seas is to help
the man. He builds the canoe. she helps to pad
die it, she creates pottery. he takes it to mar
ket; he climbs to cut down the ripened cocoanut.
she weaves the baskets that carry the dried
kernel copra to the trader. If tapa is to be
made the man helps gather the bark And so
it goes the South Sea island woman has nearly
everywhere in the Pacific achieved her emanci-
patton. her own sewing machine and bids a
cheerful "kofa" tfarewelD to the industries at
which her mother artist She has attained
equality with man, but the world has lost some
thing that she might gain everything
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Sir Walters Good Fortune.

Sir Walter Raleigh had called to
take a cup of tea with Queen Eliza
beth.
"It was very good of you, Sir wal
ter" said her majesty, smiling sweet
ly upon the gallant knight, TO rum
your cloak the other day SO that my
feet should not be wet by that horrid
puddle. May l not instruct my lord
high treasurer to reimburse you for
it?"
Don't mention it, your majesty"
replied Raleigh. ut only cost TWO
and six and | have already sold 1t TO
an American collector for 9S,O0o.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Peace Made The Quaker Face


their preaching | have heard that one of an.
cestresses was scold. and there was Cousin
Amelia, who used to shake her finger at an OBJ
stinate driver when he refused to uncheck his
horse and say: Just wait till thee gets to the
next world. Then theell what will happeni"
AS ! have remarked, the Quaker project was not
always successful But for once popular opinion
is quite right-the Quaker face, particularly the
Quaker woman's face was transfused with peace.
Is it natural? Where could be found the
worlds sweet inn from pain and wearisome tur-
moil." II not in the older communities of Friends
communities in which prudence and self-control
kept away poverty: where not only war, but strife
also and civil and domestic discord were banned
explicitly that it forbidden to decide by ma
joritles at neeting where rivalry in dress and in
station we're restrained far fallible human
nature would permit? How could peace fail to be
resident in a society which believed that God was
not in his heaven. but among us. and that as long
as one lived without anectation. did the daily task,
kept the heart tender and the body pure. all was
right with the word?-Henry Seidel Candy, in the
Century Magazine.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

supplied for the royal robe of yellow valued at
a million dollars, the most costly royal robe in
existence and the handiwork of savage women
who have long forgotten the art that once was
theirs, when their fingers created feather robes
for their husband chiefs to wear
Today when a royal parsonage dies in Hawaii
ancient kahis. wands of feathers are care
fully reconstructed by those who still preserve
the art of putting them together, and after the
royal interment they are again taken apart and
put carefully away. In days of old even queens
worked on these and even the present ex-Queen
Liliuokaani worked with her own hands a feather
wand that preceded to the grave poor Queen
Emma last descendant of the first American to
make Hawaii his home. Again this kah was
carried before the funeral cortege of Prince
David and will in time precede Liliuokalani her
self to the last resting place of Hawaiian kings
and queens. the royal mausoleum.
Sometimes may still observe a family of
women in Hawaii wearing one of the old-time. all
but priceless mats. but 1t is tedious work and the
overeducated collegebred girl o Hawaii does
not take toll kindly. Besides the be
learned in childhood when the fingers supple.
and nowadays the public schools have truant of
ficers and every family sewing machine Every
Hawaiian girl, however is adept at weaving
wreaths and chains OF flowers. The lei women
of the sights of Honolulu. For the
she loves the Hawaiian girl will still
hat of native fibre around which she will make
a band of feathers to express her aloha" or love
for the wearer
As the native arts and industries in the South
Seas abandoned by before the
ward march of civilization. the aboriginal of the
tropics left idle quickly forget how to work
and pass away. In the good old days 1t took a
muscular canniba full six months to chop out
with primitive stone implements his log canoe.
In New Zealand the most expert wood carvers were
employed for years at stretch fashoning with
stone hatchets the headpiece for war canoe.
In every South Sea village the sound of the
beating out tapa cloth heard from
morning till night but nowadays all these things
are done in a twinking by machinery In civilized
lands, sold to the South Sea Islanders for the
cocoanuts they pick up under the trees. There
is further incentive for them to work. so nature
seems to say to them Then why liver" Civliza-
ton has clothed the savage and robbed him of
his handicrafts, but IL has not yet succeeded in
making him work for the white man. as the white
man wishes him to work.
In the good old days of the great king Kane
hamehs. ninety odd years ago, every
Hawaiian man was a warrior skilled in the
struction OF artistic war clubs and double canoes
almost large modern ships The
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

What made the Quaker face? Not a broad
brimmed hat gray bonnet, as the hippant as
sert. Costume will not make 1t. as you may prove
for yourself at the next masquerade. In part II
was the mysticism. the reserve and the selire-
lance OF the Quaker mind. These things were
the very essence of the society, and they LED 10
a subconscious command TO be silent to be calm
to hide the emotions of the too often rebellious
heart, which in turn helped to mold the faces one
sees in the portraits and among the Friends stli
left who belong the old rule.
1t used be said in Our Quaker town that one
could tell by their manners the children who had
been sent to the Friends school, because once
week In meeting they had to sit for an hour In
perfect quiet. Think of family. of a community,
where the heart put under discipline for HE!
But this is not all. for have left out the causes
which were chiefly responsible for the most charm
ing element of the features of the old Frends--an
enduring peace. There have been unpeacefui
Quakers and unpeaceful Quarkeresses. More than
one member of our meeting, so am told stamped
out of First Day service and slammed the door be-
hind them when the unorthodox Hicksites began
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
LOOKING on the Rrlaht Side.

After the ways and means commit
tee had been compelled to leave its
old quarters and go over to new
House of Representatives office build
ing some of his friends were sympa-
thizing with Champ Clark.
"It might have been worse, Champ,
they said. Cheer up. Pretty soon
they will have the electric cars run
ming in the subway and then you can
ride over"
"Yes," replied Clark. ut might
have been worse. Reminds me OF an
Irishman l knew down in St Louis
who had both of his legs cut Off by a
railroad train. 1t might have been
worse, Mike they said.
"'Sure.' Mike replied. suppose /
had been q chorus girl
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Rather an Open Secret.

A very important citizen was drawn
on a jury, week or two ago, and ]
met him after he had been discharged.
He seemed to think that he was en-
titled to be on the bench, at the very
least.
what was your verdict in that
case?" / asked.
The defendant was unanimously
acquitted on the first ballot"
Indeed? And how did you voter?
THAT, sir. is one of the sacred Sc
crets of the jury room."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

wove some of the most
wonderful feather robes
ever worn by royalty, and
to this day the few old ma
tives who still preserve
alive the art of beating
tapa cloth. turn out de-
signs the like of which is
to be found nowhere else
in the Pacific, real works
of art. while the few Ha-
wniian mats that are still
woven rank above any
made in the South Seas.
Modern aniline dyes have
lightened the labors OF
the Hawaiian remnant OF
native cloth makers, but
] have many a time come
across the Fijian men and
women in their forests
working all day long with
a will digging roots and
herbs from which to ex-
tract colors. The time has
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Fathers Grace.

A young lady, who taught class
of small boys in the Sunday school,
desired to impress on them the mean
ing of offering thanks before a meal.
Turning to one of the class whose
father was a deacon in the church,
she asked him:
'William. what is the first thing
your father says when he sits down
to the table?"
He says, Go easy with the butter,
kids; it's 40 cents pound,'" replied
the youngster.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Solid Ivory.

Yes" confessed Mr.. Dorkins, ''it
serves me right. engaged the man
10 move our goods. and l forgot to ask
him how much he was going to charge
me for the job. If ever I do such
a thing again, Maria. you can have
my head for football"
ut would be a good deal more profit
able, John,' said Mrs. Dorkins, "to
cut it up into billiard balls."-Chicago
Tribune.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
bod alma Trouble.

Miss Bigmitt, the Stenog-Did you
fire me just cause l misspell few
words now an then an sometimes get
balled up in my notes?
Mr.. Littleton-By no means. You see
1 have an unreasonably Jealous wife
and she won't allow me to keep pref
ty young stenographer in my office.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Bad for Her Child.

81 see that your husband is taking one of your
neighbors children caddy when he goes on
the golf links"
Yes"
But why doesn't your go with him2
Doesn't he like to carry his fathers clubs?'
Yes but / put stop to it when found out
what terrible language my husband uses when he
foozles l made him get another boy or drop the
game"
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
WARMING Off.

Impecunious Nobleman-Sr, 1 understand you
have peerless daughter.
Old Moneybags-Yes, and you might well un-
derstand first as last, that she is going to stay
peerless as far as you fortune hunters are con-
cerned
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

A splendid and highly recommended
remedy for tired, weak, infiamed eyes.
and granulated eyelids. is Paxtine An
tiseptic. at druggists, 25c box or sent
postpaid on receipt of price by The
Paxton Toilet Co., Boston, Mass.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Compensatlon.

Tailor-The last suit made for you was a
little tight so l making this one loose.
give every one a square deal.-Pele Mele.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Studied Human Nature.

Wigley-What, roses? Don't you
know girl never marries the man
who sends her flowers2
Oldbach-Sure, do. That's why l
always try to keep on the safe side.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Explained.

Ascum-Tell me, which is proper? Would you
say at is possible for two to live on $40 week
or, "on $40 weeky?'
wise-WelI. I'd say: 1T is possible for two to
live on $40 a week weakly"-Catholic Standard
and Times
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

It's easier for a mother to train up
her son in the way he should go than
it is for her TO prevent him from go
ing some other woman's way a few
years later.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

A man thinks a girl is perfectly
proper who refuses to kiss him-be.
cause he can't think of any other rea-
son why she should refuse.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

Quality quantity ty-is something to con.
ton or as a laxative. How about Garfield Teal
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
No wife's Cooking for Them.

Mrs. Crimsonbeak-This paper says
that rarely indeed is a wealthy Turk
seen at his wife's dinner table.
Mr.. Crimsonbeak-Yes, under
stand the Turks live long time.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
A Roland for An Oliver.

'Mr. Stint, want to marry your daughter :
Would you promise me. sir, to support her
in the way to which she has been accus.
tomed?'
"oh. no. sir I wouldn't be that mean to her.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Law Little Pru,

sue-wouldn't you Just like to be happy as
lark?
Prue-No, indeed. Think of the time they have
to get up.-Lippincott's.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
One Way to Make Country Level.

The Newly Weds were driving
along a very hilly road in Northern
Missouri.
Such horrid hillsi" she exclaim-
ed. 81 think there are entirely too
many of them"
Either that" replied the man, "or
there are only half enough"
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

If a man isn't sufficiently original
to manufacture his own lies he should
stick to the truth.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
Many a man looks like statesman
who is not guilty.

Garfield Tea purifles the blood and clears
the complexion. Drink before retiring.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

Red Cross Bag Blue, much better, goes
farther than liquid blue. Get from any
good grocer.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

less relics In the museums of the world
In the good old days before a Hawaiian queen
celebrated the death of her warrior husband by
declaring nothing taboo or forbidden to her sex.
the Hawaiian woman lived slim diet. She
might make nets and catch fish for her husband.
but she could not eat them, could she dine of
the same mat. made by her hands, from which
her lord and master ate, nor could she eat
in the presence of her own son whom she brought
into the world.
came the equal of the man. and the arts lam
guished. When kings could command and kill
the disobedient, rulers of Hawaii wore a robe of
feathers that took many women century to COM
plete. and thousands of mon long TO gather the
few feathers that each wild bird of the mountains
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
A 3Ll7yGa az EZ1s0

OMAN has emancipated herself in
the tropical isles of the Pacific.
Once she did all the drudgery. now
she makes leis of flowers for the
men to wear about their heads
while they do the hard work nee
essary to support the family. At
best the Polynesian woman will
only work with her husband. but
never for him. The beautiful re-
suits of her industry of long ago
in the South Seas, when man was
master. are almost things of the
past, to be found nowadays as price
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05

not yet quite come in Fiji when all the population
may sit with hands folded, waiting for the END
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1912-07-05
HOWARD E. BURTON, ASSAYER 6 CHEMIST

LEADVILLE. CULOKADO.
silver. 7se; gold: SOC; zine or eopper;. 81:
application, Control and umpire work
ncfted Reference: Carbonate National Bank
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-01-01
D. A. r. MEETING.

FORT ARMSTRONG CHAPTER,
Daughters of the American Revolu-
ton, met Saturday afternoon with
Miss Mary Carter in the monthly SEES
sion OF the society. Resolutions of
sympathy on the death of Mrs. Julia
Robinson we're adopted. Mrs. Robin
son was for many years an active
member of the Daughters. In the
name OF Fort Armstrong chapters
first daughter, Mrs. Margaret Shining
ton Montgomery. a sum win be given
towards the fund for 2 bust of the
first daughter OF the national society
TO be placed in the national museum
IN Washington. An effort will be made
TO assist In the work OF the Old Sol
diers' Monumental association. Misses
Katherine Hayes and Helen Spencer
were received as members of the so
Getty Mrs. ]. p. Comegys and Mrs.
l.. NJ. Copp gave readings during the
afternoon and at the close of the pro-
gram the hostess served refresh
ments.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-01-01
PEOPLE ARE GOOD
new YEARS EVE
Not a Man Misbehaves to Such
an Extent That His Ar
rest Is Necessary.
TWO NABBED SATURDAY
Beth Had Packages and Were Hunt
ing Trouble-Police Court
Work Light Today.

For the second consecutive Sunday
there were no arrests yesterday, and
except for two who were brought in
Saturday night, Magistrate C. ]. Smith
had nothing to take care of this morn
ing. The quiet which prevailed on
the streets last night, the absence of
fights and DRINKS made the work OF
the police unusually light. The rec
ord established last night and last Sun
day is unusually good FIR city the
size of Rock Island, especially since
each day preceded holiday.
TWO MORE DISTURBANCES.
William Van Arsdale was fined So
and costs this morning by Magistrate
Smith. Saturday night he showed a
decided inclination to hunt trouble and
create disturbance and he was jailed
accordingly. He was given until Sat
urday night to pay his fine.
John Holmquist was found in a
street car, making more noise than
was consistent with the occasion by
reason of his heavy package He was
taken to the station and given until
this morning to lose it. Magistrate
Smith let him go with 81 and costs.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-01-01
Gets Electric Shock.

To take several thousand volts of
electricity into his body, get knocked
off the top of one of the Rock Island
Southern ears, light on his head and
yet be able to be out of the hospital in
a few days is the exciting, unusual
and unenviable experience of work
man by the name of Kelly, employed
in the car barn at Monmouth. Kelly
was working on top of the car and
an iron rod had been passed up to
him. In some manner or other, he
managed to let it touch the trolley
wire and the electricity Immediately
passed through his body. The shock
knocked him from the top of the cal
to the ground and he struck on his
head. For some time it was thought
he was dead but he revived and sui
fers no injuries other than burns Oh
his hands and a few minor cuts or
his head and shoulders.
Had the trolley not been on, it 1:
probable that he would have received
much stronger current and beef
electrocuted, but he was fortunate
and is telling his friends of his un
usual experience.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-01-01
ENTERTAIN FRIENDS.

THE MISSES KATHERINE AND
Mary Streeper, at their home, $50
Twenty-second street. Saturday after
noon entertained IL of their friends at
o New Years party. The young la
dies spent the afternoon over their
fancy work. and in the evening a din
ner was served. As a table center
piece was a large Christmas tree, and
each place was marked with a smaller
tree on which was tied q small card
basket with the name of each guest.
After dinner each one was given a gift,
and upon opening it was asked to
write poem about the article. Miss
Lois Hubbard took the favor for the
best poem.