Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-12-01

YEARLY in his chair.
Some day" said he. scientists
will learn the particular place where
they raise the breed of office boys OF
this day and generation. There must
be a special place. L know IT. All
office boys are the same. You get them
in a quiet and subdued state. After a
week they begin to perk up. and at the
end Of month they hold you and
your friends and your business in SUI
preme and everlasting contempt. L wish
knew why they produce office boys
disposition
The Searcher After Light sighed SYM
pathetically.
Why" he asked, ARE the boys sub
dued when you first hire them
Fired from their last job" replied
the Tired Business Man, succinctly."
Couldn't they be subdued with a
base ball bat or a Jimmy or -
mo" snapped the T. B. NJ, they
couldn't be subdued with dynamite
after they begin to feel at home"
:. ::
Il remember" he continued after a
pause "of an Office boy I hired years
ago when l was in charge Of fine
young commission business. He was a
gentle-faced. mild-eyed boy, and he
was so humble and respectful that |
hired him on the jump. For two
weeks he was a model of prOpriety.
Then one day ! came into the office
suddenly and found him arguing earn
estly with one of my leading GUS
toners.
You amt got the idea what peo-
pie want he was telling my chief
buyer when 1 came in. What you
ought to do is to buy some of those
1.-The buyer and 1 simultaneously
fought off heart failure. and 1 eau
toned the Office boy that 1 would do
the selling for the firm.
After that he seemed discontinued for
a while. Suddenly he reformed and be-
came a cheerful, willing worker again.
l noticed that he never brought his
lunch and that he had positive disin-
clination to go out and buy midday
meal.
- can't afford it, he told me pathetic
ally one day, and I raised his salary.
Still he did not go out to lunch. One
afternoon l returned to the office half an
hour earlier than was my habit. In my
sample room ] heard voices and enter
ing quickly / discovered the angel-faced
boy and two friends earnestly devouring
sample cases of crackers, deviled ham,
sardines and jam.
was saying. The old duck that runs this
shop won't miss these things
~ fired that boy. The next one ! hired
used to shoot beans at my pet cat. The
third placed pin in the chair Of grocer
who was one Of my closest friends, and
caused him to depart after informing me
that he would commit homicide with
relish if l would kindly step outside a
minute"
and reached for c.gar. The Searcher
After Light, not being offered one. de-
parted forthwith in quest of the Ideal
Office Boy. He had not walked far be-
fore he met the manager of great news
paper ssociation-technically known as
a news service. The manager seemed
doWncaSt.
What is the trouble?" asked the
Searcher After Light.
"Gumbnged Office boy replied the
manager of the news service tersely.
Cant keep One?'
Mo- roared the manager Indignantly,
trying to get up my nerve to fire him.
Every time he looks at me 1 feel that II
brute.
HE has the eyes of a COW and The
brains of weak-minded calf
After they had walked a distance the
manager unbosomed himself.
This particular boy" he said, was all
right when / hired him a month ago.
Lately I've noticed that he has a weak
ness for debate. / forgave that. assum-
ing 1t was the eXuberance of youth.
forgave him everything until week ago
when I sent him to an outside office to
bring in our complete day report. That
day report represents everything that the
service in this city has reported during
the day. 1t was a fOrty-five page report
and "A good Half hOnr ba
boy came back with his hands in his
pockets and no report
II let out q yell.
"What in thunderation have you done