The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1912-07-04

haven't the space TO tell v1u about but
that you and I know are there!
TIE Exercises in the Park
And now the people are gathering
in the park to hear the Fourth Of July
exercises. They sit about the band
stand on pIanks loaned by the local
lumberman. unmindful Of the occa-
sional patch Of pitch that oozes from
the tlmbers. In the background the
small boys are trying to keep from
shooting niger chasers and be patri'
otic. along more civilized lines. The
raucous cries of the candy Venders are
heard from the outposts, and the VI
brant toot-toot Of the peanut roaster
shrills its piquant note.
The pastor Of a local church offers
prayer. Attorney Albert Comstock
arises stiffiy and reads the Declare
tion of independence, and the chorus
of fifty school girls IN white dresses
and blue ribbons, sing The Star Span
gled Banner,"-long may It wave!
Miss Isolda Atherton, who has been
educated in a musical conservatory
abroad. arises daintily and sings
"Ameriea"-erd, az a rule, the Isoldas
Of the country who have been given
advantages, sing we'll. The country
gil is the real girl Of America, after
all.
And then the mayor, confident and
beaming arises in the background OF
the stage and walking gracefully to
the fore, tells the waiting crowd I'VE
have with us today" the senator from
the district who will speak on the live
topics OF the time.
And as the people applaud, the SEN
ator comes forward, bowling his thanks
and for an hour and half he gives
ut to 'em straight" Just as senators
have done for ages and will do for
ages more. on these patriotic days we
call the Fourths-of-July.
And when he has finished. the band
plays, the noise breaks forth anew and
everybody hurries over to see the
country boys catch a creased pig and
climb a creased pole-not with or aft
er the pig, but as a separate act of
jollity.
The Creased Pig.
Did you ever try to catch a creased
pig? Catching the elusive dollar isn't
in it with catching creased pig! Oh,
nothing like! For when you have
caught dollar. you can sit down on it
or hold it in your teeth-but with a
caught pig, believe me, it's entirely diff.
ferent, If you ever had tried to hold
a creased pig by sitting on him, you
would understand! Why. a girl who
isn't quite sure she loves you about
the time q new dude comes to town
is not as hard to hold as a creased
pig! ...
The only thing know Of harder to
detain than a creased pig is an auto
mobile with the throttle open and the
brake broke! Yes, with the brake
broke!
Well. the boys 60 after that pig
And-but what's the use? You've seer
1t and laughed your false teeth loose
over 1t. know a woman who broke
three steels in her corset and had tc
be famed back to life, Just laughing
over a creased pig episode.
| Therefore. far be It from me, Il
create any such havoc among my read
ers by a life-like description Of thii
pig melee. Sufilce 1t to say, that Alb
ner Scroggs. six foot-four in his stock
ing feet land this is literal. because it'l
the best way to catch a CREASED pig,
finally corners and chokes that pit
into submission, thereby winning thu
new derby hat and enough fame Il
last him until away after potato-dig
ging time. %,
And the creased pole-but Wen no
climb 1t. you and l. because the top o
it is away OF this page-and w
couldn't get it printed, anyhow. be
cause It would be too long for th'
press!
The Tug Of War. -s.
And here we have the tug-of-war be
tween the Germans and the Irish
which is accentuated by some hot heaI
singing out that fool verse about:
"Oh, the Irish, the Irish,
They don't amount to much.
But they're a blamed sight better
The the dog-gone Dutch"' .,
And so they go to 1t. The Germal
populace backs its men and the Iris
is behind Erin-and for the love O
Mike, that tug of war is a pippin
They pull each other until the eyes o
the contestants bulge out! They hau
and struggle and brace and puff an
stagger and jerk-and' finally-wel
III be tiggered If remember whic
side won. for l have friends anon
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