The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-07
THE WAYNE COUNTY FARMER
BEGINS \ SERIES OF ARTICLES

Readers of The Citizen are the
luckiest people on earth. The editor
of this paper met The County Farm
er on the street last Saturday, while
he was in town to buy some apron
strings for his wife, and made a deal
with him that will tickle Citizen
readers in the hereafter to such an
extent that they will have to take out
accident insurance for fear of laugh
ing themselves to death. The Frank
lin County Farmer lives in this coun-
ty, and will be a reader of this pa
per as long as he lives. All of you
VIII like him, for he always wears
smile on his face as big as the broad
side of barn, and he is a wise old
gent, too. lie is a tirst-prize joker,
and we know that the articles he will
write weekly for The Citizen will be
read by everybody in the county be-
fore you know it. Here is what he
says:
Hello friends, I'm captured at
last. While in Honesdale Saturday
your editor sighted me on Main
street and took me up to his office
and made me sign a paper that will
start some awful big doings in this
grand county of ours. ! will do it;
for I'm one of the Jolliest old bacon
eaters that ever watched the dog star
wag its tail. | will give you wealth
er predictions that will hit your
funny-bone on the northeast side
and make you giggle till sun up.
will tell you hundreds of funny
things on the bright side of life in
this glorious old county. | don't eX-
pect to see any sour faces after this
week. The Citizen will drive them
away as sure as your uncle is pig
eon-toed and kicks in his sleep
When ! signed the 99-year contract
with The Citizen Saturday, the editor
agreed to pay me $4,000 a year and
all the old ink kegs they had for
saur kraut, and | tell you / signed
in jiffy. This is just as much as
Roosevelt got, and his wife had to
buy her saur kraut barrels and mine
doesn't Another thing, ! can save
more money than Roosevelt could
because we do our own washing. In
fact, We can get along real we'll on
$4,000 a year, and Lena can pay all
her grocery debts with it and some
times have enough left TO buy sewing
machine oil and thread. This saves
all the egg money for dry goods and
the butter money for tooth picks.
crop money pays for the chewing to-
bacco and the hogs pay for the smok-
In Who wouldn't tickle the read
ers of The Citizen for that! This
contract has some funny clauses in
it, One is that ! am not allowed to
die until my time is up, but II
should happen TO turn up my toes be-
fore 1t is up ! will get six years in
Jail and my wife will have to return
all the empty ink kegs and immedi-
ately marry another man who can
get as many notions in his head as |
can, and pound them out a column
at time. The reason | won't break
the contract is because the people
always tell me that ! am a good man
and will go to heaven when | die,
so you see I'm not going to waste
any time in jail when | die, if |
can keep out by staying alive, and
then 20 to heaven when / die, II |
can stay out Of jail by staying alive,
and not dying and going to Jail in
stead of to Heaven by dying. Then
so far as Lena is concerned, she
promised to live with me as long as
I'm not dead, and If | should die now
and break her promise ii would kill
me. So you see I'm here to stay, and
will tell you a lot of things to cheer
you up, Don't take me seriously;
just laugh and grow fat. If The Cit
izen doesn't come to your home,
hitch up old Tom and Dick and haul
the dollar and a half in. If this
dollar and a half doesn't bring you
more joy than your wedding day /
will eat my Sunday dip. Watch for
me next week.