The herald., 1912-06-27
STUPID
LAWYER
By c. d. ARKWRIGHT

yer. IL LSu NY bduiI 'hoI h'O~ Nv
higher In my profession; it is fate.
When / graduated from the law school
my ambition was to be some day chief
Justice Of the United States. In two
months / was ready to accept the at
torney generalshlp. Then fell in the
scale to covet a fair practice. And
now am q shyster. | am the mean
est kind OF q shyster. l devote my
time to separating those whom God
las Joined together, not the higher.
but the lower classes. l have secured
a divorce for fee of S..
One day n young couple came to my
Office to get divided. Their ages were
the man nineteen, the girl eighteen.
He wore a threadbare coat that indi-
Gated he was or had been a street car
conductor.
"Mr. Lawyer" he said. II suppose it
costs lot to get a divorce We had
to sell our furniture to raise the mon
ey. But we got $50 for it. Here 1t
Is"
He opened a pocketbook and took
out Eve dirty ten dollar bills. His
wife stood by looking like a young
thundercloud.
whats the trouble?" asked.
Both began to talk at once. each
abusing the other In a disconnected
way. I caught as much as could of
what they said, but was unable to
gather the slightest cause for divorce
from either.
''That'll do" said. "You," address
ing the husband, have treated your
wife abominably. And you," to the
wife, ''have done a number Of things
you wouldn't have done had you been
older and more experienced. In order
to secure a divorce for you you must
act harmoniously, for legally the
grounds for an action on either side
are very weak. You must throw of
this antagonism long enough to form
with me plan for separation. l shall
be busy for about an hour, and mean
while l wish you to sit down on that
sofa side by side and try to get back
to the days when you were courting
Think about the first kiss, the putting
on Of the engagement ring | see on
that round finger. Then the wedding
and all that II you keep thinking
about these things till l get through
some other cases we can all act togeth-
er for divorce"
They did as l told them to do. but
took seats as far apart as possible and
at first 1t looked as though nothing
would be gained. They sat thus, both
bolt upright for awhile, but l kept an
eye on them and saw that they were
trying to keep their minds on what !
had indicated. In about half an hour
] gathered up some papers and went
into another room. When I returned
half the distance between them had
been eliminated. Encouraged, hunt
ed for paper l had left on my table
and went out again. When returned
the wife was wiping away tears The
husband, judging from his expression,
was endeavoring to steel himself
against q reconciliation.
/ left the room again, telling them
that would return in about forty min
utes, when I should expect them to
have got rid Of enough antagonism 10
work together and with me to secure
the divorce 'T fear" I said to the
husband, ''that you. who are the more
at fault in this matter than your wife,
are nourishing the bitterness In you
and will spoil 1t all"
With this I made another trip and
was gone an hour. Then, returning,
stood at the door listening. l heard
the husband saying that it had been
all his fault and the wife saying that
Il had been all her fault, and they
were calling each other "dearie" and
sweetheart" and a lot Of other pet
names. 1 entered the room suddenly
and found them locked in each others
arms.
"Well," said, "I've come to a stop
ping place In other business and am
now ready for you two"
They arose from the sofa, and the
husband said they'd been talking the
matter over and II I didn't mind the
disappointment they would try to gel
on together for awhile longer. Taking
out his pocketbook, he offered to pay
me what fee I asked for taking up my
time, but I told him there would be
no charge. I asked him II he couldn't
put the money back into his furniture
and he said he thought he could. Al
any rate. he would try. Before they
left me made them promise that Il
they changed their minds and should
conclude. after all. to secure a divorct
they would give me the job. This they
\romised to do az some compensation
br my disappointment" in not having
been employed already, for they wer,
too stupid to see through the ruse tina
had prevented permanent breach be
tween them.
'It's hard on you, Mr.. Lawyer, to ex
pect you were going to get good fe'
and then not get It, but you'd ough
b have seen that q makeup In orde
to get the divorce was the same a,
making up regular"
"Just 90. my boy" replied I'll
you come back here again for q di
vorce won't be % tarnation stupid"
They never came back for divorce
but one day a prosperous looking youni
man came into my Office and asked 4
remembered him. I said did not