davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

whipping us INTO shape. Whoever made
the selections knew what he was doing.
| suppose my idea of the navy in war
times conceded with those of my SHIP
mates. Indeed my ideas of war had been
largely gathered from pictures of Far
ragut dashed to the mast and Paul Jones
assuring the enemy that he had not yet
begun to fight. + had expected to be
| placed in immediate charge of a Pinch
gun or perhaps be made captain of a
| turret It seemed to me that We ought to
promptly up anchor and have at them,
to the tune of the Spanish cavalier, the
more so as hundreds OF the enemy were
reported to he Just beyond the capes,
ieady to swoop down upon Washington
had they not known we were there to
challenge the path to the Potomac. In
these matters we were mistaken. War is
hell all right, according to General Sher-
man. but most of the hell comes from
cleaning ship, shining brass work and
slowing many endless tons of stores and
ammunition ard coal.
We had no sooner come to anchor off
Old Point Comfort when a dinkey tug
came along one side and husky coal
barge on the other. On the tug was
some million rounds OF ammunition, as
sorted sizes from pistol cartridges to
armor piercing Shells and on the barge
was 1000 tons of coal. which was to be
brought aboard in baskets. each basket
full weighing about so pounds We
turned to with a will. 1t was the first
real work many of us had done In our
lives. The novelty made 1t attractive.
The difficulty was the attraction did
not remain. No one who has never tried
it can conjure up the delight of coaling
ship and getting ammunition down into
the ma gazines. It's four hours on duty
and two hours off. When in a hurry the
| two off hours are reduced one half and
the four on doubled We gave a lusty
cheer, our college yell. when the first
tug and barge were emptied and all
hands were proud OF the expeditions
manner in which the job was handled.
Here we erred again for no sooner had
the first two cleared away from the
side when their duplicates appeared and
| 1t was all hands turn to again. These
healthful diversions, at si3 per month,
continued for four days by which time
fingers and feet were blistered and
swollen beyond recognition and this
| life on the ocean wave business began
to assume its genuine aspect.
On the fifth day at ? o'clock a. m,
we were called to quarters. 1t was the
first time the crew had ever been as
sembled together on that part of the
ship just in front of the forward turret.
We were to discover later that this call
to quarters was a regular morning GER
emory though L never found out its
precise purpose and object. What I did
not find out about II was plenty. On
the occasion referred to the executive
officer read out lot of numbers which
I was informed were assignments for
| ship divisions and watches and also to
designate our dutias in case OF fire. A
ship Is divided into divisions one for
ward and one aft on each deck, and
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

cross between . tin whistle and a
Sufferagetts with bad cold. 1t Is
pitched in F mynor and kinder strains
at the leash so to speek. In persunal
appearance Mr.. Mann does not look
so worse. He has an interesting set
of mutton chop whiskers which he
keeps pruned and free frum boil
weevils. He is seriously impressed
with the responsibility of his position
and is always on the job, and Is al
ways reddy to enliten the publick and
bulge out the record with few brite
remarks.
Not to give you the .rong impress
sion, we desire to state that Mr.. Mann
Is close student of leggislasion, and
he is not Fat-hed by several Kill
grams. He keeps rite up to now on
all public questions and 1t is very
hard to put emmy thing ovver in the
House without Mr.. Mann taking out
its sparkling plug and seeing what
makes it tick
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

Catching Mr.. Mann at leisure the
uther day, I asked him, How he liked
the job of MINORITY leeder as far as
he had whit"
Mr.. Mann said: "The job of sitting
on the lid of flewent and Beliggerint
MINORITY, who air as widely devers-
sffied In there veews as the ingreedi-
ents Of boarding house hash, has its
distressing lectures" He intimated
that up to this time he could get
unnaminity of action upon but one
issue as a leeder he declared that the
only time he could get solid follow
ing was when he led them to drink.
He sed, however, that being in the
MINORITY has its compinsasions.
"The funcksion Of the MINORITY"
said Mr. Mann, "is meerly to stand by
and make Eases at the Majority. In
case the Majority passes a populer
measure that makes hit with the
deer Peepul-all the MINORITY has
to do is to promptly take credit for
making them do it. If on the uther
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

ments. The entire layout. If utilized
by private citizens for another pur-
pose, would call for a grand jury in
dictment for kidnapping under false
pretenses, but Uncle Sam is a priv
LEGGED character. land office bust
ness was being done and my mind ran
back to a day IA years ago when l.
too, had, in a misguided moment. yield
ed TO the call of temporary insanity, In
the guise of patriotism, and gone down
to the sea in a ship.
For number of geenra tions my peo-
pie have been in the service. | had
tried the naval academy, but being un-
able to correctly separate some dozen
different shades of pink worsted, the
medical board solemnly decided that
was not of the stuff of which heroes
are made. So when the Spanish war
broke out I hied me to the nearest re-
cruiting station, signed a warrant for
three years penal servitude. and with
high resolve to do great things for my
country, started for the coast with
train load of other unfortunates. The
west was ablaze with enthusiasm and
the west is the only section where the
uniform of bluejacket Is not rated
to be the sign of Cain as regards char
acter and the bar sinister as regards
social standing. That trip was bully.
We were the first volunteers to go to
the front The governor shook hands
with us and said he and the state were
proud. Our fathers and mothers wept
as we pulled out of the depot. but their
tears were of happiness and joy. AT
each stopping place en- route thousands
crowded about our cars. cheering wild
ly and generously bestowing upon us
many favors from caramels to kisses.
Naturally our crew of green horns
thought this was easy and easy it was
until we landed at Norfolk and then
we woke up.
We disembar;.ed and marched through
that city. But there was no cheering, no
crowds, no enthusiasm. Norfolk is ex-
rerienced wiia sailors and looks upor
them as a necessary evil, to be given
vide berth on the street and to be de-
barred from all decent places of comfort
and amusement. The only notice taken
of US was remark | happened to over
hear one Virginian make to another about
what a lot Of woolly blue jackets we wear
and how in Gods name did the navy ex-
pect to fight a ship with such an outfit.
Il was strictly a case of not drum was
heard not q funeral note and ii was our
funeral though we did not know IT, We
were hustled aboard our snip, the snip
dropped down TO Hampton Roads That
afternoon and then the trouble started.
Now be it understood that most Of our
crew were college and business men. A
few had had some fresh water experi-
cnces on the lakes with one CT the anti
deluvian tubs furnished for the use and
instruction Of naval reserves. The ma
iority's only knowledge Of wafer had heen
obtained from its use for domestic pur-
poses or as u chaser on the eide. Sand
wiched in among US were number OF
hairy old tars with long service records.
chosen with the particular thought Of
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

bar. when he was suddenly interrupted
by the court and was told that the court
had ruled that point only the day be-
fore. Pretending not to hear the court.
he continued until again interrupted In
the same way by the court. Disdainng
to notice him, Rice continued. He was
then ordered by the court to take his
seat, but still he proceeded as though
he did not hear him. Addressing the
proper official, the court ordered fine
OF $50 to be affixed, whereupon Judge
Rice quietly sat down. The next day a
case came before the court the nature
Of which was such that the presiding
Judge was ineligible to serve, Because of
the prominence OF Judge Rice, the court
called on him to preside during the trial
of the case. With characteristic dignity
Judge Rice took the bench, looked quietly
over the docket, and Strengthening up,
called TO the official who had complied
with the order of the Judge the day be-
fore, and asked;
was there not a fine of $50 af-
fixed against one s. F. Rice here on
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

system. No leeder can fozzle him
not SO as you can tell 1t.
Mr.. Mann is a regular Honest-to-
goodness republican Of the 1850
nodded. He is one of those kind that
go away back and dig up the TANNER
ly tree of the Democratic Party, and
prove beyond emmy doubt at all that
it was responsibull for EVERY cal
lamity that ever befell the Peepul,
including drouths pannicks, earth
quakes and Willyum j. Bryan. He
can on the uther hand show that the
Republican Party is responsibull for
all the happiness, prosperity and
good wages, the full dinner pail,
good crops, and Willyum II. Tafts that
ever happened.
Mr.. Mann is not an Orrerter; he is
not aware of this defect and would
probability resent such an insinua-
sion, but still we insist that he is not
an orrerter. He has voise that Is
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

crimp into the unnannymous consent
bizness and the Statesman aforesed
must await sum moor favorabull OPP
portunity, when Mr.. Mann is less
bilious, or his crouch is massarged
down to minimum.
As we have suggested Mr.. Mann's
leadership is not always strewn with
roses. On his side of the House there
air a few coltish yung creatures like
Unkle Joe Cannun, and Seereeno Pain
and Dalzell, and uthers to say nuthing
of varius and sundry Insurgents all
and emmy of whom air likely to brake
loose at emmy minute, and cannot sup
press an intense yeerning to rise up
and bark a few loud screens without
the consent of emmy Nasion on earth,
to say nuthing of meer floor leader.
When full grown up Insurgint wants
to insurg a few, you mite as we'll let
him go to it, and work it out of his
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

belief that . state should have two
parties. and he was willing to show his
magnanimity by joining the repub-
licans. However. he had but little to
do with politics. till he was nomina ted
In opposition to Colonel Herbert They
canvassed the district together. and in
strict truth Colonel Herbert was IA
vored by larger crowds because he was
accompanied by Judge Rioe. Staid and
serious. Colonel Herbert possessed none
of the striking elements of q popular
speaker. On the other hand, Rice had
them all and he found delight. in giving
to them full expression. often at the
expense OF his practical opponent.
intellectually Judge Rice was a
prince among men. He was Justly
ranked among the abiest lawyers OF
tho state and as a converser he was
rarely exeelled. In his lighter moods
his conversation wac almost boyish in
Its vivaeity. Nor did anything seem
to auench its freshness and piuuancy.
He seemed to know something about
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

TTVER since the Spanish-Amercan
war have been hunting for the
I'D fellow who wrote Life on the
Ocean Wave" There is only one bigger
idiot in America and he is the author of
beautiful Snow / do not know what
/ would do if | ever ran across either
of these worthless. being a peaceable per-
son, not given to acts of violence. |
guess | would content myself with tell
ing them what thought of them and
cheerfully stand the consequences They
deserve a much worse fate. because these
two ballads have been the cause of I'M
told misery to thousands of innocent per-
sons. Having lived in cold climate,
/ understand the folly of trying to have
fun in zero weather. Sleigh riding may
be pleasant to some, but give me the
pretty girl and a sofa in a warmly heated
room every shot. The only thing L ever
liked about a toboggan is that once al
the top, the slide is the quickest way
home to the stove. l spent nearly a year
at sea in the navy and wish to bear wit
ness that life on the ocean wave is de.
fusion and snare under the happiest
cifCu1StdHttc- Chuti oil Othtl
stances DR.. Johnsons remark in this con-
nection is very much in point. The learned
doctor is reported to have said that a
Jail is better than a ship in that in jail
you have more room, nicer things to eat
and commonly better company.
In my little country town a few weeks
ago | noticed in the postoffice some very
pretty Autographs headed Men wanted
In the u S. Navy" The posters were
pretty and attractive and well calcu-
lated to deceive the unsophisticated coun-
tryman. Also the city boy. TO see the
world in great battleship all clean
and nice, and to be paid for making the
trip, looks on the surface to be propo-
sition worth investigating. Many do in
vestigate and fall especially country
youths who have grown weary of looking
at the rear elevation of a Missouri mule
IL hours day. | have travelled behind
the pillow myself and while the occupa-
ton is not altogether to be enjoyed, yet
there was not moment during IL months
when did not long to desert, risk hang
ing, and hitch up old Maud again. /
therefore deem it a duty to tell the truth
dDoul tbiiSttu iiAc III the navy so mat
the readers of the Birmingham Age-Ier-
aid, at least, will be duly warned and
have chance to look before they leap.
Shortly after seeing the new post
office decorations happened to spend
the day in Birmingham. / knew what
to look for and sure enough. right up
to expectations, the first thing my eve
fell upon was a gaudy American FLAG
with the two new stars of Arizona and
New Mexico. hanging out over the door
of a ground floor office. Outside was
a marine. neatly dressed. looking like
he did not have care in the world.
Along his starboard beam stood blue
jacket on his arm the ensignia of an
ordinary seaman, port watch. The sac
rificial altar was within, presided over
By young commissioned officer with
a line of language in keeping with
his posters and the human advertise
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

TXT1HAT is the difference between
nv "esse' and posse? That is the
w measure with which the seer in
Revelation saw the angel measuring the
walls of the City of God whose length and
breadth and height are equal,
What birmingham is already do thou
set down on the world-map of thy mind
Then sketch thy dream of the Birming
ham that shall be. Take some spiritual
tapeline. chain, or measuring rod, and
measure off the distance between the two.
That approxmates the distance from
esse the thing that is, to posse. the thing
that may be. as it ought to be. For he
is a good citizen who sees In his city not
the thing that is the bare grain sown
ir the earth, but the city that hath foun-
cations" built upon the wisdom and love
and truth that man may have from
heaven. The names of the IL foundation
stones are hidden in mystic eolors, but
the judicious may identify them, or most
of them. When Ruskln told OF the seven
lamps of architecture he was speaking OF
Geven of these foundation stones They
are business SO that the city has no need
of sun or moon, since God Is in the midst
of her. That is to say. every city is both
esse and posse. And In both there is the
form. You may judge a city by its ap-
pearance, or you may take time to know
1t in its innost self. in the life and pur-
pose and heart of its people. How strange
ly the two contrast with each other! Who
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

tauga counties. After the close of the
war Judge Rice never held office, though
as has been said. he ran against Mr.
Herbert for Congress.
Possessed Of an unusually brilliant in
tellect and of wit as keen as a rspier
as well as dietion of remarkable smooth
ness. and a port of serene dignity, he was
formidable contestant on the stump
and In the rough and tumble of the court
room. Tall. and as straight as a flag
staff. with face of classic mold, over
which there was even an expression OF
playful humor, he was always listened
to with delight. especially since there
were frequent flashes of merriment from
his gifted tongue. A democrat till the
last years of his life, he became a repub-
lican.
1t Is related of him that during the
days of the reconstruction regime he
was at one time arguing with great earn
estness some proposition before one of the
incompetent judges OF that period, foe
which Judge he shared in the contempt
experienced by the able members of the
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

( N1sTUR EDDITUR-James R.
NJ Mann, Republican frum MY
: noise was born in 1856. In
making his breef statemint about him
self in the Congressional Reckord, Mr..
Mann neglects to say where he was
born, and we will simply have to state
that it is an incontrovurtabull fact
that he was born-presummabully
frum the State at large Having
settled the fact that our Hero was
born, nuthing remains to do but to
hand the pulsating publick his me-
teorick reckord of accomplishments.
Mr.. Mann is the leeder of the Re-
publicon mynorrity-that is Mr.. Mann
has that title. He leeds the Republi-
con MINORITY, whenever that re-
-spectabull bunch of Indians feel like
being led, and otherwise he don't. Mr..
Mann, however, does his duty, and
having dun SO if the Republican
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

w 's :. a: s,: r e; " =:s T. .s'
ness of Alabama, must appear the name
of Judge Samuel Farrow Rice. For many
years he was conspicuous in the public
affairs of the state and was in some
respects remarkable man. A native of
South Carolina, Mr.. Rice was trained
for the bar in the law office of the dis
tinguished William C. Preston. He came
10 Alabama in 1888, and from that time
till his death was identified with the
history of the state. His first service
was that of an editor of a paper in
Talladega. from which county he was
twice sent to the lower house OF the leg
islature. After this. for a period he
abandoned politics and was devoted to
the practice of law. being at one time
4 partner to John T. Morgan.
Mr.. Rice was not without congressional
aspiration, which he sought to crafty
several times, but was always defeated.
-Four different times did he sustain de-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

fully against the handy billy and
waited. After bit the executive came
below. He was almost as rude and
angry as the captain. "Why don't you
bring that handy billy on deck" he
bawled. l replied calmly: "As 1t only
weighs quarter of ton and not
being the champion weight litter,
deemed 1t best to leave her resting
here"
That noored the executive, so 10 9TH
Ell men were assigned to assist me, and
/ was the boss of the lot The next
night after an hours struggle piano
would have been easier to handle. we
got the billy on the appointed deck.
Had the ship been really aflre all
hunds on the job would have suffocated.
But we did our duty, heaved the hose
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11

over the side and II did not reach IT,
water by 10 feet. our ship had high
free board and this particular billy
was intended for a torpedo boat. Hence
nothing came from the manipulation
we devoted to the handles.
Now one would think that this would
have ended the handy billy. But not
so. Far be il from being so That
would have been the sensible thing to
do. but 1t is not the way in the navy.
Regulations are regulations and handy
bilies are handy blllies. For the nest
~ months. whenever fire quarters
Sounded which was generally every
night, Mr.. Billy was brought up to tho
scratch and we went through that fool
procedure. II was all as provided in
the regulations, section No. 2156, re-
vised.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11
His Only Experience

From Everybody's Magazine.
man once was talking about hard
luck and his friend was listening with
a sour expression. why you don't
know what hard luck is said the
friend al have always had IT. When
was a kid there was such a bunch OF
kids in the family that there had to be
three tables at meal times and I always
got the third one.
"what's hard about that?" snapped the
other.
"why.r said his friend. 1T was fif-
teen years before l ever knew chicken
rad anything but neck"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1912-08-11
NATIONAL SALUTATIONS

gers. IL more graceful than hand shak-
ing, must also seem to people of tho
east as cold and expressionless.
The bow as a mark Of respect Is a GUS
tom used by nearly all nations and one
that had its origin In ancient times
Der Nordstern. [volume] (St. Cloud, Minn.) 1874-1931, 1912-10-03

geblie6en. Muun INNER ser Hrtn5
ausltiea, un iid @eueglurg 511 mo-
hen, lieB es lid leidt ertennea, oaB
niht busDebeu l@mer 1palr0e. s(uS Ser
ilugebuug nes Jiirlteu perlal'tet
rod, SOB iid) oft grobe Shlafntdt
inns grid)0pfulw einitelle. Cine ser
i'coenfliddten gribeinalngen tit Der
atangcl an Mppetit, 1u1breno Hrin5
9l,itpolo friiber ME in 6ieier &in<
lid)t 5l1 fIagen batte. 3as Sllllet!n
l,at unter ser 8ep0lferung augenteine
Sheilnabnc berporgerltfen. Ser Sit
6olt oeslelben finterlaBt Gen Gln=
orl,d, Sab Ser @erfau nidt n1ebr 5u
peri9leiern lit, SAB Sic &rafte oes
greiien 6iirlten 4angiam obnebnen
uno MIR sic unmittelbare @ef efabr be-
jtritten Mrs.
Der Nordstern. [volume] (St. Cloud, Minn.) 1874-1931, 1912-10-03
&aise 3eiten iiub poriiber.
Ehicado. 90. Sept

Sic 3eiterl> lit 6enen Scr 2ebens=
unterbalt billig mar, iimo enog1lt19
poriiber. Gas lit sic 9l11iidt Ses Bro=
fellors eugene 0apenport. oes 2e=
fans l,1r6 0ireftors Ser 2an6pirtb=
d)uftsldl,le an Ser llnipenitat bon 81
linois. 9(ui Sem gtationalen &ongreB
fir &ulritgetperbe unS Snouitrie belt
er cine @eoe, in ser er ieinen Stanos
punft auSfibrlih begriinSete. Die
&auptlf)ul0 on Sen uerdnoerten Ser
baltnilien trigt Sic rieiige Gnhpide:s
lung, sic Sic Ser. Staaten genor1=
men baben. Der 6arrner lpiro bon
ser :ansen,einen Ereisiteigerung am
>peuigiten betrofien. Ser NroIellor
lpa1,5te iid idlieblid 9egen ecu &u!!
r3uriif auis 2a1r0." gr erflarte,
SAP: rbobllrd GROCER Sda6en ange=
rid)tpt 1peree. 9sl,r iolde 2eute loll%
ten aiis sen Staoten ouf bas Sano
5iebett, sic Sic er,tite @blidt batten,
5armer 5u hper6en.
Der Nordstern. [volume] (St. Cloud, Minn.) 1874-1931, 1912-10-03
&ierfad)er MiprS entbedt.
0uincb, .eSu., 80. Sep:

~ u II W NSl.. 20. 0epA'
Gs lit Ser 8eroadt allfgetaltht>
6ob &err llno eSrou CHARLES Yfano=
i6miot, oeren ieds5ebn SATIRE alte
1odter 8lanhe, iolpie Die Sebrerin
emma @ampen melde Sonntog frub
bei eine,n 8ralto unegefomnen lino,
ermor6et spur0en. Die Eraoooie trng
lich in Ein16idlni5ts 2anobons 81,
Sos lid bei Haplon> leds5ebn Meilen
iiIoliG pon Ql1il1cp, Sa., beftnoet. gll=
le gln5ei6en 1peiien 6arauf Bin, Sab
sic bier 8erionen i'm Sdlaf l'mge=
fon1n1en ii1t1. Der 8eroaat oes
5taatsa1upoIts apur6e oa61lrh erregt,
6ab Ser ein5ige in ser gfelioe115 be-
finolide Ofeu iih nid)t in Dem abge=
brolulten &aus, lnroern IN ei11et11
f0l3ernen s(nbau befa1ro. Tfano=
ldnliot mar reid. SRI. &en apar
Sic 1otter zines &ontraftors aus
Qui1,cD.