Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1912-12-31

to the season.
"Ah," said the doctor, what a
world it is. You remember the lines
OF the old song? don't quite, but
the sentiment is one to give us conf
dence, so let the wide world wag
as it will, I'll be gay and happy STILL
Yet there are some things which call
for the work of the reformer. Per-
baps the hour Is not yet come to
amend the long established imper-
sonations of the seasons. Then, too,
we must continue to endure the
signs of the zodiac, cut rather low in
the neck as they are for modest kteh-
ems, while nudity continues to revel
unabashed on the parlor walls and
behind the counters of hotel bar
rooms. Neither may one stand forth
with the abandon Of martyr and de-
clare against the shamelessness of
that absurd cold storage variety of
Cupid. Such a toilette or lack of
toilette should suggest his translation
to a home for the feeble-minded.
would it not be more reasonable
to suppose Time. now moving into new
premises (not into fiat-but to be
home for year at least) must needs
have a blithe, bu1om, rosy-cheeked
maid of all work to make the place
bright, cheerful and hospitabIe, for
there will be many guests to enter
tain three of the seasons at least
spring, summer, autumn-as unmar-
.ried female persons. Let US picture
Time with this maid, who, coming at
the beginning of leap year, boldly
pops the question and marries out
of hand, taking the place of that
grouchy Dame December, who is dis
missed somewhat sumnarily and sent
packing over the hills.
CAS- for Father Time, he never be-
comes old, his acts being seven ages
FILLED with wise saws and modern
instances, he molly plays his part;
never falls into the lean and slip
pered pantaloon,' never requires
patching by the bushelman or cob
bier, or repairs at the dentists OF
,wigmaker's.
There never was but one mortal
that seriously tried to stay In the
prolonged Marathon race with Time
That was the grand old man, Methuse
lab, and he had TO give up beaten at
1859 years-a foolish contest, as Time,
rare old athlete that he Is, not only
knows all the rubs, but is the sole
patentee and possessor Of the ve.inly
sought elixir of life.
at is we'll there never was but one
human being who carried the burden
Of mortality such preposterous mum
Der of years, until 1t became an irradi
cate habit. Imagine how two or three
Methuselahs in this age would disar
range the expectancy of life and dis
turb the most carefully and adrc1tly
arranged mortuary tables. Think
what continuing affront terrestrial
lingerer like that would be even to
the most patient and conservative
funeral director and to the old sexton
as he mumbles his deep bass song
i Gather Them In, Gather Them In
What relief it was at last when
the grand old man was gathered to
his fathers and ceased to be the
pioneer settler and oldest inhabitant,
the last authority on the coolest win
ter and the hottest summer Of whom
al stood in awe, who knew every
thing that had ever happened in
Mesopotamia and who If he were alive
today would probably be able to give
the names of all the vice presidents
of the United States! saasese
"And yet how brief is the record
of this modest man, this first con-
servative citizen of the world-Me-
thuselah-the son of Enoch, sixth in
descent from Seth and the father of
Lamech. 1t is all given in three
verses IN the fifth chapter of Genesis.
He undoubtedly was a man of sub
stance. One may be permitted to
wonder how many attempts were
made 70 interest him in various EN-
eerprises' framed in the bluest Of tur-
quoise, with a view of separating him
from his money or its equivalent in
cattle. or sheep or the fruits of the
field For in that day as in this there
short stories, horse traders with a
wonderful gift of language, real es-
tate men who could paint landscape
of bewitching heauty-but, alas, we
have no account of them and as there
are no precedents, when Sinbad the
Sailor and Baron Munchansen propose
to let US in on g. good thing, why, we
have to look out for ourselves, that
is all. 1t is at this season OF the year
that the wicked magician that gave
Aladdin all his fortune and all his
misfortune may be expected to appear
either by prospectus through the mail
or in the person of an agent.
'sDhe new lamps for old ones Of
fered by the magician is by no means
as seducing a bargain as these mod
ern magicians win offer you 1t may
be an orange grove In Florida or Cali
fornia, fig farm in Arizona, a date
palm enterprise in Texas, a craa-
berry patch in New Jersey, mining
stock almost anywhere or shares
and how magnificent the prospectus
in something qlite as good as those
two famous companies written about
by Charles Djak.ens-~The Anglo-Ben-
galee Disip:erested Loan and Life In
surance Company and The United
Metropolitan Hot Muffin and Crumpet
Baking and Punctusl Delivery C,m-
pany So when we turn over the
new leaf this first day of January,
1918, after turning 1t over and Gaze
fully reading the prospectus. let Ais
warily turn back and when We e.
forward let US so in the old way to