davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

for the wits are very difficult There
is nothing to do 100 times, or so times.
It is not something to which one can
give 20 minutes the first thing in the
morning and then go the rest Of the
day. Socrates, who was the Sandow
of mental exercise, kept his pupils at
it pretty much of the time. There is
one phase of it which is especially
hard. This is the exercise Of ones
rights. Unexercised rights are much
worse than unexercised muscles.
Thus, after voting, we are ordinarily
mentally stiff and sore for several
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Brand Not in the Market

for dinner and good old Dick and nice
old Harry. Want EN- to see you and
taste your cookery. I've told them all
about your dishes. There's just one
special thing I don't want you to for
get. It's the black coffee to wind up
with. Toms particularly fond Of
good black coffee, and for that matter
so am l.
Promptly at came Mr.. Benedict
and cronies three. Mr.. B. showed his
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Neean,t Kiss Husband.

Supreme Court Justice Mareau in
Brooklyn. dismissed the suit of Sam
uel Markowitz, a New York real es-
tate broker, for the annulment of his
marriage to Mildred Markowitz.
1t is absurd to frame such issues, p"
Justice Mareau said. Practically the
plaintiff asks an annulment of his
marriage to the girl because she re-
fused to kiss him"
The young woman was eighteen
years old when she married Mako
WITT, who, as alleged, had already had
four wives, of whom two had died and
two were divorced.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
CHAPTER XXI.
A Transaction in Mumps.

\ FanSaClon IN MumPS-
Don't come near me-" screamed
Billy, sauntering slowly and deliberate
ly toward the dividing fence; keep
way fom ne; they's ketChin'."
Jimmy was sitting on his front steps
and the proyerbiaI red nag could not
have excited a bull to quicker action
He hoped down the steps and ran
across his own yard toward Billy as
fast as his short, fat legs could carry
him.
Git way f'om me; you II ketch EN-
If you teches me" warned Billy; an
you too little to have EN-" and he
waved an authoritative hand at the
other child. But Jimmy's curiosity was
aroused to the highest pitch. He
promptly jumped the fence and gazed
at his chum with critical admiration.
What the matter" he inquired,
you got the toothache?'
"ToothacheI" was the scOrnfuI echo,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
CHAPTER XIV.
Education and Its PeriIs.

It was warm day in early August
and the four children were sitting con-
tentedly in the swing. They met al
most every afternoon now, but were
generally kept under strict surveil-
lance by Miss Minerva
"'T won't be long fore we II all
haftO go to school" remarked Frances,
and II be mighty sorry; l wish we
did MT ever hafto go to any old
school"
Il wfsht we knowed how to read
an write when we s born" said Bill
ly. eff I was God d make all my
babies SO s they is already dedicated
when they gifts born. Reckon If we
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Bad Teeth Go Win Good gralns

Bad Teeth Go With Good Brains.
An English scientist has pointed out
that there are signs of a steady de-
generacy in two sets of organs vital to
The well being OF the human race, and
the fall is most marked among the
western nations. The evidence is that,
coincident with the mental advance Of
man, there has been a diminuion in
the provision of teeth. In the ape.
the negro. and the white man. brain
and teeth are inversely proportional
to efficiency. Increase of cunning has
reduced the work Of the teeth, and the
demand Of the brain for blood has
starved the former; disorders of di-
gestion show that the balance is I'm.
satisfactory.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
CHAPTER XIV.
A Flaw in the Title,

Come on overt" invited Jimmy.
All right; believe I will respond
ed Billy, running to the fence. His
aunt's peremptory voice arrested his
footsteps.
William. come here!" she called
from the porch.
He reluctantly retraced his steps
Il am going back to the kitchen to
bake a cake and l want you to prom
Use me not to leave the yard"
''Lemme jes' go over to Jimmy's a
little while" he begged.
mo; you and Jimmy can not be
trusted together; you are sure to get
into mischief, and his mother and
have decided to keep the fence be-
tween you for while: Now, promise
me that you viii stay right in my
yard"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
LoalcaI Millinery.

People say there is no reason, no
logic, in Easter millinery. What
faIsehOod"
The speaker was George AIDE. He
continued (the occasion was an after
theater supper in Chicago:
Hats. whether Easter or otherwise,
are full of logic, full Of reason. A lit
tie boy said to his father one day:
What's a wide-awake hat, par
THAT father logically and reason
ably replied:
A wide-awake hat, my son. is. Of
course, one without a nap"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Mrs. NewIywed Had Done Her Best
but Black Coffee Was a Thing
UnattainabIe.

After the honeymoon came the coy
fat, Young Mr.. Benedict was mighty
proud of his wife. even if she was
from the country. and eager to show
her to his cronies.
"Dulcinia, dear" he said one morn
Ing. Il want to bring dear old Tom up
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

days. This is because, unaccustomed
to exercising our rights, we strain
them.
The secret of It all is to exercise
your muscles little, your wits lit
tie and your rights a little AS the
Greeks said, Nothing too much"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
women,s COLLEGE for guddbists

A university is to be founded by the
Buddhists for the high education OF
women. A meeting Is reported to have
taken place at the Nishi-HonganJi
temple, Kyoto, in which it was unani-
mously decided to cary on the under
taking as a work of the Women's AS
cost for the institute is estimated ct
100000 yen.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
life at the unwilling of the statue Of

life at the unwilling of the statue Of
the Irish statesman in College green,
Dublin. Sir Thomas was only child
at the time, and accompanied his aunt,
Lady Laura Grattan. who was to per
form the ceremony. AS things turned
out, however, il was Sir Thomas who
ofhciated The covering refused to
bulge for Lady Laura, and her
nephew, anxious to help, stepped for
ward, gave the sheet a vigorous tug,
and unveiled the statue amid ire
mendous cheering from the college
students.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
aIaek LLttIs Nearo ven ecInnIng Down the strsst

d pray ev'y night an ask God, he'd
learn them babies what he s maxim
on now how to read an write?"
Il don care nothing at all bout
them babies" put in Jimmy, t. amt
going to do US no good if all the new
babies what Doctor Sanford finds can
read and write; 1t d jes' make EN-
the sassiest things ever was. Sides,
I got plenty things to ask God for
'thout fooItng long other folks brats,
and 1 amt going to NEEDLE with
Gods business nohow."
(TO BE CONTINUEDD
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Early Public Appearance.

Sir Thomas Grattan Esmonde is one
Of the two titled members Of the ma
tionaIist party in the British house Of
commons, the other being Sir Walter
Nugent, member for South West
meath. Sir Thomas Esmonde is a
great grandson Of Henry Grattan, and
rade his first appearance in public
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
New Children.

Children are never children to them
selves.
From the standpoint of the grown-
up. the real children we meet in these
days are few and far between. To be
a real child implies inconsistencies OF
ones superiority. The trouble with
many of the children of today is that
they have discovered that they are su-
perior; their advantages are much
greater than ours were and they know
it-and they rub it in.
The cldIashioned licking has gone
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

out and with it the child. In his place
is a vastly superior creature who is
affable on being approached. conde-
scending under continued contact and
capable of any degree of cruelty if his
dignity be ruffled.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Exercise.

Exercise in its general significance
IS glorious thing. It is not, how
ever, anything much in it's purely
physical sense. Thus, a person with
large muscles and not very big wits
Is OF almost no value to society,
whereas person who has exercised
both Is often indispensable. Exercises
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Risk Averted.

Aren't you afraid that stenogra-
pher will divulge some of your bust
ness secrets? %
No." said Mr.. Growcher. I'm
safe on that point I've. got one who
can't read her own notes."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

with intoxicating mirth at their predic-
ament, yelled:
"Lordee! Lordee, Y all sho' is de
outlandishest kids 'twfxt de Bad Place
an de moon"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Usual Result.

Husband-EVerythfng in this house
is out Of place. Been having an
earthquake?
Wife-Tve been putting things in
order.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Heard in School.

why did Atlas have to support
the earth?"
He didn't have to; he was just
practicing his physical culture les
SON"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Rlaht in His Line.

Who was that man had for a
partner at bridge last EVENING""
He's a writer Of farces."
Il might have known it."
"Why?"
HE made some might funny plays"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

We measure success by. aceumula-
ton. The measure is false. The
true measure is appreciation. He who
loves most has most-Henry van
Dyke.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
All Interested.

'Ts your bookkeeper's heart in his
Office work."
'EVerybody's heart is in the office
work since the blonde stenographer
came"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

to every store in the nefghborhood
It's black coffee, dear. 7 hunted and
hunted, truly. Not a single shop has
anything but brown!"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

A girl can be sentimental even about
the way she eats pickles.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

Good health cannot be maintained where
there is a constipated habit. Garfield Tea
OYercones constipation.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

SCI am sure" concluded Mrs. May,
that you viii find Freddie very ad-
vaneed for his age"-Youth's Compan-
ion
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

Coles CarooIisaIve quickly relieves and
cures burning. itching and torturing skin
diseases. Tt instantly stops the pain of
burns. Cures without scars. 25c and Soc
by druggists. For free sample write to
j. W. Cole & Co, Black River Falls, Wis
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
ShTPUdNesE-

And why are you writing Personal
on that enYelope?"
81 want the mans wife to read the
letter"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

For torpid, inactive OF disordered liver,
take Garfield Tea. All druggists.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02

Beauty specialists encounter many
hard lines.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-05-02
Literal

Literal.
This dentist calls his Office dental
parlor."
Well, isn't it a drawing room?"
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14
ARMY ABOLIsHEs
THE MUSTER ROLL
An Echo Of Controversy Between
Gems. Wood and Ainsworth Heard
in War Department.
WILL REDUCE DESK WORK

An echo Of the Wood Ainsworth con-
troversy in the army was heard at the
War Department yesterday in the APP
prevail by Brig. Gen. Andrews, Adjutant
General, Of the plan recommended by
the general stan for the abolition of the
time-honored muster roll. The proposed
abolition of the muster roll of the army
was one Of the big administrative issues
on which Gen. Wood and Gen. Aims
worth took Numerically opposite posi-
lions, and the difference thus engendered
had a part In Gen. Ainsworth's ending
the controversy by retiring from active
service following his dismissal. from the
Office of Adjutant General on charges Of
characterization.
BY the abolition of the muster roll. to-
gether with other reforms In the matter
Of army correspondence and record keep
ing. 1t is expected that the desk work Of
the army officers serving with troops will
be reduced by 80 per cent. For the muster
roll II Is proposed to substitute a de-
scriptive list. which will accompany an
enlisted man wherever he goes, and will
present a complete history of the soldier
as long as he is In the army. Upon his
leaving the army. II will 20 to the
Adjutant General for future reference.
The muster roll has been discarded by
all other armies.
The present muster roll Is the bugbear
OF all company commanders, inasmuch
as II Is made out monthly. and through
succeeding generations has grown into
a huge document. 1t is filled with dupli-
cations. it. Is stated. and unnecessarily
cumberson: Oftentimes search had
to be made through as many as twenty
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14
PAUL PECR'S BODY
TO ARRIVE TO-DAY
Funeral Services Will Be Held from
the Home of Samuel J.
Masters.

The body Of Paul Peck, the young
aviator who was killed Wednesday at
Cicero Aviation Field, Chicago, while
flying in a Columbia biplane, is expected
to reach here about noon to-day. A tel
egram was received last night by W. r.
Humphrey e. Sons, who have charge of
the funeral arrangements, stating that
the body left the Windy City at o'clock
yesterday afternoon.
The body will be taken from Union
Station to the Humphrey undertaking
establishment, 1923 Fourteenth Street
Northwest. where 1t will remain until
several hours before the funeral The
funeral services will be held either Sun
day or Monday. The services will be
held from the home Of Samuel J. Mas
tiers, an uncle Of the aviator, 1913 Newton
Street Northwest.
Interment will be in Union Gene
terry, Rockville, Md, beside the grave of
Mrs. Ruth Owens Peck, the pretty young
wife Of the aviator. who died last Easter
Rev. William Tayloe Snyder. of the
Church Of the Incarnation. who married
Peck and also OBLIGATED at the funeral
of the young wife, will have charge of
the services.
Mr.. and Mrs. L. NJ. Peck. parents of
the aviator. have arrived in the city
from their home in West Virginia and
are stopping at the residence of Mrs.
Masters. Miss Berthe Peck. sister Of the
aviator, is also at the Masters home. Miss
Peck Is a trained nurse at George WASH
ington University Hospital
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14
BEWARE OF PROMISES
OF FURNITURE POLISH

The prudent housekeeper will be as
wary of doctoring her furniture with
polish that is recommended to cover all
defects as she would be of a patent
medicine which is guaranteed to cure
every disease. The highly polished sur
faces Of furniture have often been ruin
ed by a too free use of a so-called poll
ish which, not having been rubbed dry,
has hardened and collects all Of the dust
before drying. has caused a dull film to
appear over the polished surface. A
simple and effective polish for cleaning
furniture and removing scratches Is made
of one-third linseed oil and two-thirds
benzine. 1t should be applied with
paint brush which has very soft bristles
and rubbed dry with an old soft piece
of muslin or soft flannel. For polishing,
dampen a cloth with the mixture, fold
1t into a pad, sprinkle a few drops of
alcohol over the surface Of the pad and
rub the furniture firmly and quickly. Rub
only a small part at a time and be sure
to rub until the surface is quite dry.
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14

fvs or thirty muster rolls to obtain .
mans record. while, It is claimed. with
the descriptive list. all necessary infor-
nation win be at hand In compact form.
always ready and always complete to
date.
The descriptive list viii be in charge
Of the commanding officers Of company
organizations. as long as the man IL in
the service. Thus. the War Department
will be relieved Of great mass Of cor
respondence by referring inquiries re-
garding soldiers directly to the COM
handing officer, who win have the In
formation at hand In the descriptive
list The list will go to the War Depart
ment after soldiers service Is COM
pleted. and held for the use Of the PEN
sion officers or auditors. The objections
to the abolition OF the muster role. made
under the old regime In the adjutant
generals department, was that 1t took
out Of the hands of that department the
exclusive control OF all information re-
garding individuals In the army.
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14
GUTTER TO MAKE
2O,OOO-MILE TRIP
Revenue Boat Unalga, Newly Built,
to Go Around World from Bal
timore to Juneau, Alaska.

The revenue cutter Unalga, newly
built, and now lying at Ferry Bar. Bal
timore harbor, will begin next week her
20 900 miles or more trip around the world
to reach her station at Juneau, Alaska.
The Unaiga will relieve the antiquated
wooden cutter, the Rush, which will be
sold.
Assistant Secretary Sherman Allen. of
the Treasury Department, and Capt E.
p. Bertholf. commandant of the revenue
cutter service, inspected the Unalga in
Baltimore harbor Thursday. and placed
before Secretary MacVeagh the itinerary
of the cutter. Beyond the statement that
the cutter would go by way Of the Suez
Canal, the itinerary has not been made
public.
Capt. r. o. Crisp. one OF the senior
captains of the Revenue-cutter, Service.
will command the Unalga.
The Unalga is steel cutter OF 1.1s1
tons, mounting three four-inch guns.
She is 1s1 feet over all, 20 feet beam, IS
feet depth, and with a maximum draft
Of thirteen feet. 1t will take the Unalga
about four months to reach Juneau.
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14
PARCEL POST PLANS.
Postmaster General Hitchcock Il
Pleased with Progress Made.

Postmaster General Hitchcock, after
reviewing the work of his several COM
mittees recently appointed to work out
a plan of establishing the parcel post
system. stated yesterday that he was
well pleased with the progress that has
been made. He is now more confident
than ever that the organization OF the
new service will be completed in time to
put the parcel post into general opera
tion January l. He has decided to place
a liberal construction on the law and
include the star routes. as well as rural
routes. thus extending the service to
many additional millions of people.
Through inadvertence the act failed to
mention star routes.
Mr.. Hitchcock stated that there might
be some uncertainty as to the establish
ment of a local parcel post in Alaska on
January i, because of the unreasonable
time. The difficulties in handling the
parcel post in Alaska are likely to be
very great, and for that reason the mat
ter of establishing the local system there
will be taken up later. or after the sys-
tenn has been perfected within the United
States proper. However, the system be-
tween the United States and Alaska, the
Philippines. and Hawaiian Islands. as
well as Porto Rico. will be put into oper-
alton on January ].
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14

ly all Of the tobacco raised in this ter
ritory. specially high grade product.
Is exported direct to France
At Chesapeake Beach there arc stand
ing two log cabins of the colonial period
built long before the first colonial con-
gress, the signing Of the Declaration Of
Independence or before the revolutionary
war was dreamed OF and at a time wheo
Lord Baltimore was the ruler Of the
Maryland colony.
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14
ANOTHER WEEK AT BEACH.
Special Tours to Be Conducted by
Chesapeake Beach Railway.

The fourteenth annual season at Ches-
apeake Beach, the popular salt water re-
sort on 'Chesapeake Bay. owned and op-
Grated by the Chesapeake Beach Rail-
way closes next Sunday.
The special feature Of the closing week
will be a personally conducted trip
starting from the U. 8. Treasury by
street cars to Chesapeake Junction and
thence by steam cars forty miles to the
beach, which will be covered in one hour.
The country through which the line OF
the Chesapeake Beach Railway passes Is
a rich agricultural section and tobacco
producing section Of great Importance.
The best Maryland tobacco Is raised In
this section, one-twentieth of the entire
Maryland crop. which Is large. being
shipped from Owings station. Practical
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14
The Newest Collar.

A variation of the Robespierre collar
which is precisely suited to rather low
cut afternoon frock has the double front
revers of. familiar type, but about the
neck goes collar composed Of two fiat.
wide strips Of lace all-over and plated
net or of hand-embroidery frilled with
lace. Only the upper edges of these
strips Join at center of front and back.
From these they slope abruptly to form
sharp VS., and the strips crossing each
smoothly give the effect of .
sailor collar and are very decorative
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14
sIashed with Safety Ra.or.

Addie Bolden- a colored woman Of SIS
New Hampshire Avenue Northwest, Is
tending toward the shallow school Of
Addie was cut across ths
back with a safety razor yesterday, and
inclines to the belief that IL there is no
safety In a safety razor she doesn't
know where to pin her faith. Guy Jack
son, colored. was accused of cutting
Addie and was arrested on a charge of
assault with dangerous weapon.
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14

standing. there may be stronger impulse
to lend q helping hand to those who are
trying to make conditions easier.
1t is the factories and the big manu-
featuring plants that take the heaviest
toll from women, and We do not realize
just how heavy the toll may be until we
get an echo from individual workers for
whom conditions are hard and dreary
enough.
The Washington herald., 1912-09-14

The MILDLY dress is a feature of the
new fall fashions. and this design offers
a splendid example of such a garment.
The dress closes at the left side of the
front and has the blouse Joined to a
six-gored skirt. There is the attractive
sailor collar and the belt is slipped I'M
der the box plaits at back and sides.
Serge, mohair, taffeta, or striped wooden
may be used.
The pattern, No. 5e49, is cut in sizes
g to 40 inches bust measure. Medium
size will require Gas yards OF Ss-inch ma
terial. Width of lower edge is rs yards.
The pattern can be obtained by send
ing 10 cents to the Pattern Department
Of The Washington Herald.