Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-11-07

relic on Hod'e farm. Hold said b.
didn't know what it could be unless u
was the mortgage.
A Teller who has got 4 pate de fol
grass appetite with a Goldfish income
has one DOT in the penitentiary, the
other in the poorhouse, and his face Is
turned toward the setting sun.
Elmer Jones 3 the most comical
young man in his town. He dropped
q cat in the town pump a month or 80
g and now they are talking OF start
ing mineral boths in our midst ami
making US a health resort.
Uncle Ezra Harkins says he lets his
whiskers grow 80 as to get them put OF
his system.
There amt much use bein' a natural
blond if you are an actress, because
nobody will believe 1t.
Miss Euphemia Perkins, our poetess
of passion, is writin' q play for Charles
Froham. BY jing! wonder what
Doc Hanks charged Sflas Purdy 10
shillin' for n visit. Sile says judgtn'
by the price. he must nave had a.
pretty high fever. The bartender at
the Golden Nugget speaks four Lam
guages, baseball. prize fight. poker and
race track. In fact. everything but
English. and he can operate a cash
AAeSA - GIN a " a.
typewriter. When he gets agoin' on
that register. it sounds like the Nc
Gibney Family Of Bell Ringers. It Is
not thought he will stay in our midst
long because the proprietor OF the
Gold Nugget can't tell half the time
half.
Reginald Purdy writes homo from
college that is studying several dead
languages. He probably expects 10 be-
come q ma%terialixing medium or an
undertaken. but we don't know which.
rat from down to the city. It came by
express last Thursday. Miss Etubbs
IS a blonde this season, but some say
n looked handsomer "a q brunette.
Elmer Jones bought a new pair o pat
ent leather shoes the other day. but the
patent has expired and he has to wear
black socks 30 folks won't notice tho
cracks in 'em.
Anariah Tilson. our gentiemanly and
congenial tonsorial artist, has got q
Job moving several lawns along Main
street with his hair clippers. The peo-
pie OF this town enjoy a. good laugh
when 1t don't cost them anything. A
played to capacity three nights on
Main street.
WHEN GRANDMA WAS A GIRL.
They a no rats and Marcel waves
or wasplike figures then.
No high heeled shoes or patent rouge
made to deceive the men.
No plrring language. mincing walk or
gay peroxide curl.
No chatting dish flubdubbery when
grandma was a girl.
No bachelor maids. no culture clubs,
no time spent in the gym.
No thought OF torture physical to make
them 1.-the and slim.
NO low-neck gowns to give them grip
when i'm the social whirl:
No bridge whist made them nervous
wrecks when grandma was a girl.
No ~suffragetS. no cigarettes. no cook
ing that was vile.
No bonnets trimmed With %cocoanuts
n lettuce We're in style.
NO hrainstorm shooting by Il weak and
sentimental churl.s
No talk of soul affinitics when grand
ma was u girl.
NO incompat!Sility of temper tod in
court:
No cases OF desertion and TO suits for
son uport:
NO FAINT skcietons exposed, no rec
ords 10 lnfjrl.
il cact. folks We're quite sensible when
grandma was "A g!rl.
TH.. HERO.
Z, Scattered iik, y n.ctorboat,
NA..a he tried conversation.
\, ~a!p."..s seemed ~ be the goat
- ~! To oo-ugvce&iion.
% " 9 rs Gull rs Ealaalns' ass.
-e lai 30 OFT cf knowlsdga:
(. -. : saw II Freshman Clsss
N s.sn s;i:coi OF cui.ege.
:rasnpt wa a fiery rcd.
= 4 e. II nearly scorcaed his bead.
- :acc WIS - Word creation.
face wo:ll stop an eight-day clock
iie Ms an ugly creatIre.
% ioG; at Him sasn one Il shock,
II" bad 10 handsome feature.
SAT still he was a nero end
The gnls did gather round him.
roy Thought that he was simply grand
And were happy that they'd found
him.
Iaoy RACED at him and sighed and
sighed,
B'1: still 1T wasn't funny.
o see his pa had died
Ard lcst Il wad of money.
-
CONFINEMENT.
I! don't care ii 1t halls or blows,
UT II It shines or IL 1t pOurs.
or II 1t s!ects or if it SHOWS.
For i don't have to go outdoors.
l don't care how the stateman wells
Or now he yells or how he screech-
He cannot hold me meath his spells
do not have to hear his speeches.