Arizona republican., 1912-04-01
D0o/ey on the
 Progressive

q see be the paypers. Dooley." said Hennessey. as he settled himself comfortably in an arm riair and began to puff contenteGiy at his pipe. that abou; the biggest political ruck- shun av the prisint ginerashun is jist rightly gittin' started. They say it's to be scrap to a finish between the horny handed sons av toll and the Speshul lnthrusts. and nothin' like it wuZ iver seen since the Dock av Yor- ruk landed at Philadeiphy iist after Andy Jackson slaughtered the Phil iStines Wid the iawbone dV pro grissive mule An the pav-pers seZ too. Doolev. that it's up tili the dim mycratic parthy to pry us loose from the grip aV priviledge. what has it's turn heel on the necks av the prole tariat an if lift alone will soon have all the downthrodden av livery class, rum the iditors av the nrogrissive paY-pers to the candidate fer alder man in the Seventeenth ward. bound in the chains av infamous greed. It's terriryn'' picthcr the progrissive iditors Is drawin'. Dooley--.t fairly makes Wan shiver wil apprehension"
 Wis" said Dooley. effectively. its
 pretty tollyble bad But they's wan satisfacuon--tho doctors will make
 some money out av it Us an ill
 wind. Hnnissey. what blows no good
 luck to nobody"
 No doubt veg are right. Dooley," said Hennessey slowly while he
 wrinklei his brows thoughtfuny. "no doubt yez are right: but somehow | can't jist see it. cant jist see the
 connection betwiNt divilment am doc
 thers. between prosrissivc pollytics an proSrissive pills"
 "Yez don'to" said Doolsy. Well.
 it's there. Jist the same. Haven't yez
 iver sthopped to think av -he relation
 between progrissivism an disord-
 cred liver2 Have ye nive- thought
 when ye read wan av these Editorials
 about the mallyfacthers av great
 wealth thIyin' to kick tine governmen,
 aV the faythers into the middle aV
 niNt wes6-have ye niver thought itI
 is more than an even chanst that .he
 ilitor man what wrote that stuff is
 sufferin from maI-nuuition an am
 ingrown grouch2 Have ye nivrr re-
 flectcd. when ye read a powerful fil- lypiCk about the SuffsriHs av the duwn,rodden masses that mayhap it's
 wrote by some little peaked iiitor chap whose wife feeds him on sinkcrs an cold coffee fer breakfast an who. mehby. spanks him an ssnds him about his business to git him ont av the way whin she has company YeZ
 cant alWay, tell what projooces the
 bile in a progrissive iditors dispo- Sition. HinniSsey. aunv more than yez can till why a goat assaults yer rear 1 guard Whin yeZ are reflpctin' on something intirely turin to goats am progriSsive iiitors an progressive statesmen an all such things Yez i cant tell what cankcrin' sores are feSterin at the liVerS aV thim pro grissives what troubles are prickin' 1 their innardS. or whin their notes ! may be falnn joo. Who knows Wha- sorrows may hide in the sIint bug gum av Wilyum Also Randolph Hearst. or what kind av flapjacks Ar l tie Brisbane's wife may be Crammin
 down his progrissive throat livery i mornin' when he sits at the family board? You must have charity. Hin nissey Always remember what Bill i Twain said-that it's charity what makes the mare eo round.
 But the dimmycratS ShJhI be pro ! erissive Dooley. Everybody sez SO ! If they're not proSriSsivc fheyH be ] whaled worse than Mark smith WIZ
 out in Arizony whin Eugene Brady l O'Neill beat him fer the United ! Sthates Sinnit."
 ! "Yis. Hinnissev. the Dimmycrats 1 must be progrissive. Yez are right ! there. All the great min av tine i parthy. those wise an successful lead
 CTS includin' the said Eugene Brady ! O'Neil. who is frequintIy rayferred to ! as Exhibit A whin spakin aV pro- 1 erissive doctrines. an William Jim | nings OBrien. what has plantei both | aV his peerless feet on the progriSSiVc ! platform-both av these great min | who always git what they go afther l unless the people see thim first say | we must be progrisSive. we must be | progrissivc, or We must perish as the ! legions av Napoleon perished when l they met the Turks under Julius | Caesar on the bloody field av the ! Wilderness. Listhen to me. says i Misther O'Brien. an I will tell veg 1 how to win illictions. We must kick ] Wall street in the ribs, sez Willyum. | fer Wall street will niver come down ! wid amy av the dough, ennyhow. an | it's contrary to our principles. Sez he.
 to accipt money rum amy av these | criminal rich sez he.
 Thin sez William Jinnings. 1 there's me frind oscar Underwood an me frind Judson Harmon. They're
 both tainted. sez he. They're not dim | mycrats. seZ he. fer it's sixteen to wan nayther av thim voted fer yours | truly on amy av the numerous oc-