The weekly Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1911-1922, 1912-04-04
VOICE OF THE PEOPLE
The Kidneys, and Their Boss.
(By DIR. j. N. Hurtyj

One time, two kidneys, which had
been working like dray horses for
years, suddenly slowed up. Kidney
number one said, "I just can't alb
sorb these enormous quantities of
salt and saltpeter the blood is load
ed with now days, and / notice you
too are growing weak" eyes,"
said number two, "the man We are
working for is regular glutton on
ham and bacon, and since DR.. Wiley
forbade borax as meat preserva-
tive, the salt and saltpeter have been
increased, and that's what makes us
so tired. Yesterday the saltpeter
was so strong it tore one of my
tubules and it bled horribly. The
boss was awfully scared and went to
see a doctor. The doctor never said
word about letting up on the ham
with its embalming chemicals, but
gave a prescription which l heard
the old man say cost thirty-fve
cents. 1t was acetate of potash and
infusion Of digitalis, and when it
struck me I trembled like a leaf"
CT too felt the blow of that internal
stuff when it came along" said
number one. CT already had q
good jag of salt and saltpeter and
was trying my best to pass them on
when the acetate and digitalis hit
me. / grew dizzy, and just to let a
little light into the boss's mind, ]
sent a balm impulse to his brain. u
$50 did L." said number two
"Didn't help much though, because
he sent down a dose of morphine to
quiet the pain. When the blood
brought the cussed stuff, I could see
the white corpuscles were staggering
and were very weak like. One of
them said-"I feel like I had been
hit with a club. 1 couldn't whip q
sick typhoid germ if it were to come
along. and if it were a husky one
goodbye me-" Goodbye for the
boss too,' said kidney number one
The two poor overworked kidneys
again conscientiously took up thei,
functions. but it was no use. they
just could not catch up. The blood
now began to kick. "I have carried
this load of salt and saltpeter around
the course three times now. and q
new lot came into the stomach about
ten minutes ago, and also a lot OF
catsup with vinegar and spices. II
you don't take this old charge from
me, as is your duty, 1 can't relieve
the stomach "Let the stomach
go hang said the kidneys. eff il
hasn't sense enough to puke the in.
fernal stuff OUT. let it suffer-
"What can it doq" said the blood
"The creosote which got into the
ham when it was smoked, has par
alyzed the poor thing" So the
kidneys said-"Wen just send {
joint wire up to headquarters ant
see if the old fool boss won't ther
let up a bit with his gormandizing.'
So they sent the wire and threw q
fit. The boss, sick as a dog, had tt
go to bed, and again sent for tn,
doctor. 81 have an awful pain il
my Kidneys" said the boss. "My
kidney pills will cure it, said thu
doctor; and he administered tn,
pills. When they dropped into tn,
stomach, the old tired thing said
"Heavens and earth, what's this p
Nevertheless, it bent to the job, ant
when the hard sugar coating wa,
dissolved and the buchu, juniper oil
and more saltpeter dropped out, i
called down the tube to the kidney
what was coming. The poor thing
groaned and said, "How long, Oh
Lord, how longf" Before the stuff
in the first dose of pills reached tn,
kidneys, another dose dropped int,
stomach. "Here comes some more, ,
yelled the stomach down the tube
and the dizzy staggering kidney
agreed they had reached the end O
their string and Bright's Diseas
was inevitable. They just couldn
help it, and the trouble began
Gradually the boss wasted away il
great pain, and died. He never di'
know why his kidneys gave out, an,
why he had Bright's Disease.
MORAL: Eat constipating, irri
tant spines, eat embalmed meat, GA
Unfortunately of salt, eat, eat, eat, TO
pleasure; but don't be cranky an,
eat to live in strength and happiness
nnuu4v nlar1so Ra0ark