davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
Making a Report.

Once In the good but crude days OF
the Brooklyn police department, a new
patrolman named Maloney found a ne
gro lying in kosciusko street in a
state of alcoholic coma. Asking a
chance pedestrian to watch the man.
Maloney fastened to the station house
to report.
Attempting to do this verbally, he
was told that he would have to do it
IN writing
He wrote for five minutes; then he
approached the desk. Say, sarge" he
began, how do you spell Kussyusgo?"
Il don't remember" said the SER
geant, GO in and ask the captain"
Captain" said Maloney, 81 want to
make a report, but can't spell Kussi-
usco"
"Nayther can l." said the captain
whats the nearest street to kussy-
yusgok?"
Bedford" answered Maloney.
We'll, then, it's aisy enough" said
the captain. Just go and drag the
man into the ether street. Then come
back and rapport"
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
A Question Of Names,

In some of the country districts OF
Ireland it is not an uncommon thing
to see carts with the owners, names
chalked on to save the expense OF
painting. says the Youths Compan.
ion. Practical jokers delight in rub
bing out these signs to annoy the
owners.
constabulary sergeant one day
accosted countryman whose namo
had been thus wiped out unknown to
him
rs this your cart. my good MANI"
"Of course 1t Isl" was the reply.
Do you see anything the matter with
it?''
Il observe" said the pompous DO
liceman, that your name is o-blither.
ated."
Then your wrong" quoth the
countryman, who had never come
across the long word before, "for me
names O'F1aherty, and l don't care
who knows it"
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
Real Suffering.

Little Tommy Jones' mother has
been drilling into his little memory
the first principles of politeness. One OF
these is to refuse the second piece or
cake whenever it is offered to him.
Tommy and his mother recently were
guests OF a neighbor at dinner. The
hostess was indulgent and fond OF
little Tommy and watching his ef-
forts TO appease his appetite. Finally
it was time to eat the cake. Tommy
made short work OF his allotted one
piece and the hostess passed the cake
to him the second time. Like a we'll
bred youngster. he replied:
NO. thanks"
"You seem to be suffering from loss
OF appetite" the hostess commented.
"'Taint loss of appetite" was Tom
my's reply; I'm suffering from eti-
quette."
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
In the Meantime,

There had been a row at recess
time. and Miss Martin had called in
all Of the pupils. and had q sort OF
a school court. which lasted until time
for school to be dismissed. The trou-
Bile had started with some OF the older
boys In a misunderstanding over q
game. After hearing both sides Of
the question. she decided proper pun
ishment for the combatants. and told
them to remain in their seats after
the others had gone home. She re-
membered something she wanted to
say to little boy who did not take
part in the affray. SO she turned to
him and said:
Now. in the meantime. Guy"
Il wasn't In 1t, Miss Martini" Guy
interrupted hastily.
Wasn't in what" asked Miss Mar
tin.
Why. in the mean time" said the
eight-year-old. -, Mack's National
Monthly.
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
Not on His List,

The late Rev. Horatio Stebbins OF
San Francisco was a man of large and
noble powers, but more familiar with
the world of intellectual and schc1-
astic interests than with trivial and
timely things, says the Cleveland
Leader.
His household was blessed with a
charming daughter, who grew up tall
and beautiful, commanding the admir-
alton OF all who saw her. One day
a visitor said to the good doctor:
Doctor, your daughter grows more
charming day by day. Why. she's
regular Gibson girl"
"Ah, thank you; thank you" re-
piled the doctor in his best manner.
When the visitor had gone, turning to
his wife. the doctor asked: My dear.
who are the Gibsons?"
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
Wanted Minute Evidence.

examined as an expert" on capital
trial. was asked by the president
whether he could tell what quantity
Of arsenic was required to kill q dy.
The doctor replied
Certainly. NJ. le President. But
/ must know beforehand the age Of
the fly. its sex. Its temperament, its
condition and habit Of body. whether
married or single. widow or spinster.
widower or bachelor. When satisfied
ON these points l can answer your
question
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
HOW MANY OF US
Fall to Select Food Nature Demands
to Ward OF Ailments7

A KY. lady, speaking about food.
says: Il was accustomed to eating
all kinds OF ordinary food until. for
some reason. indigestion and nervous
prostration set in.
After l had run down seriously
my attention was called to the neces-
sity Of some change in my diet, and
l discontinued my ordinary breakfast
and began using Grape-Nuts with q
good quantity Of rich cream.
In a few days my condition
changed in a remarkable way, and
began to have a strength that l had
never been possessed Of before. .
vigor Of body and poise Of mind that
amazed me. 4. 1t was entirely new in
my experience.
my former attacks Of Indigestion
had been accompanied by heat flashes,
and many times my condition was dis
tressing with blind spells Of dizziness,
rush OF blood to the head and neural
gle pains in the chest
Since using Grape-Nuts alone for
breakfast l have been free from these
troubles, except at times when I have
indulged in rich. greasy foods in guam
tity. then I would be warned by q
pain under the left shoulder blade. and
unless l needed the warning the old
trouble would come back. but when I
finally got to know where these trou.
bles originated l returned to my Grape
Nuts and cream and the pain and dis
turbance left very quickly.
II am now In prime health a. .
result Of my use Of Grape-Nuts." Name
given by Postum Co.. Battle Greek,
Mich.
There's q reason" and It IL IL.
planned in the little book. '"The Road
TO Wellville." in pkgs.
Ever read the ab0ve letterS A neW
o0o appeNrD from t1ma - tina ThQ1
are g00alnes tR1e, oAA fun 04 huR0S
Interest.
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
Prize Winner.

What are these cups for?" asked a
well-dressed man Of a teweler. point
ing to some lovely silver cups on the
counter.
These are race cups to be given as
prizes"
III that's SO. suppose you and I race
for one?" And the stranger. with tho
cup in his hand. started. the jeweler
after him. The stranger won the cup.
-keystone.
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
Eloquence Of BeverIdae.

Citizens Jones and Brown disagreed
as to the eloquence of ex-senator Bev-
evidge. Said Jones: He was one of
the most eloquent men in Congress.
You should have heard him speak"
Il did hear him. | listened to him
two hours one afternoon"
What was he talking about?"
Il don't know; he didn't say
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
In a Hurry.

Magistrate-Well. what is the charge
against this old man?
Officer-Stealing some birthstone.
your honor. He was caught in tie act
Magistrate ito prisoner My aged
friend, couldn't you have waited few
years longer?
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17

To be sweet and clean, every wom-
an should use Paxtine in sponge bath
ing. II eradicates perspiration and
all other body odors. AT druggists.
25c box or sent postpaid on receipt of
price by The Paxton Toilet Co. Bos-
ton, Mass.
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
What She Noticed.

How did you like Miss kazozzies
aria at the musicale last night!
asked Mrs. Oldcastle.
Il didn't notice it," replied MIS-
Gottalotte. but I thought them black
earrings she had on looked kind OK
cheap"
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
Unfair Blow.

Charming Wife.-Gerald, all | had
to pay for this lovely hat was So. How
does IL strike you?
Surprised Husband tgasping)-
Marie. that strikes me below the
money belt.
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17

Mrs Winsiowas Soothing Eyrup for Chiidres
tee;hins, sofrens the gums, reduces innAnna-
tiou AlIAys pain. cures wind collie, sc . bottle
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17

Even a wisdom dispenser shouldn't
prolong the performance until people
get weary.
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17

Red Cross Bag Blue makes the laundress
happy, makes clothes winter than srow
All good grocers.
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
1G&,6sua1tek,z<

Deaver: colo.. will send. frse, . useful pres
Snt eAd valuable book How Ia HsSama
1Ae eeeesa.fA." to ~ Whe write this VSSS
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17

The average man makes the mis-
take OF overestimating his greatness
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17

Summer Girl-What do you think
you deserve for kissing me like that?
Youth-Well, say you might marry
mel
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17

Money saves some men . lot. OF
their not having It
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1912-08-17
BY G.T.FERRIS
q 81 RIOCH4r co

n THE early autumn OF 1860 a New
: : :: :: : :: ::
- r York merchant interested in the ma
IN chinery and junk business received
y whom he had believed to be
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
Maulc italian k

Every one knows how beautiful the
italian lakes are and how ~luxuriant is
the vegetation on their banks. This
is due to a large extent to the heat abb
sorbed in summer by the water, stored
up and given out slowly in cold wealth
er.
A calculation has been made by a
scientist named Vercelli. He esti-
mates that Lake Como has an area
If 1856 square kilometers and an aver
age depth of about six hundred feet;
in some places the depth is twice
that.
During midsummer this mass of
water absorbs each bright day an
amount of heat equal to that produced
by burning $4,000 tons of coal. This
storing up of heat goes on from the
end of February until the water
reaches its highest temperature in
August.
From that time on the water gives
out heat to the surrounding stones
until spring comes again, SO that 1t is
no wonder that this region is a floral
paradise.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
stores Must Re Honest.

A new law relative to unfair compe-
tition and the putting before the pub
lie Of untrue advertisements has gone
into effect in Denmark.
This law, which has called. forth
some criticism by the merchants, has
a provision that forbids more than two
clearing sales a year by any firm.
Exceptions are made in case a bank
rupt stock is to be sold or the death
Of a partner or owner shall cause the
closing out of the business below
cost or If a bona fide winding up Of
the business Is undertaken. or If the
place OF business is to be removed to
another locality.
II. however, any Of the exceptions
can be shown not to have been true
d criminal prosecution ID possible. The
statute furthermore contains penal
clauses for persons who are found
guilty Of using false descriptions Of
goods offered for sale, Of employing
false business m of firms in car
.rying on trade. and the like.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
ITCHING AND BURNING

iberia, MOT was troubled with
scalp eczema for about five years and
tried everything I heard of, but all OF
no avail. The doctors told me l would
have to have my head shaved. Being
a woman, I hated the idea of that. ]
was told by a friend that the Cuticura
Remedies would do me good. This
spring / purchased two boxes Of CUT.
cura Ointment and one cake of Cuti.
cura Soap, After using one box Of
Cuticura Ointment l considered the
cure permanent, but continued to use
1t to make sure and used about one.
half the other box. Now I am entirely
well. / also used the Cuticura Soap.
"The disease began on the back Of
my head, taking the form of a ring.
worm, only more severe, rising to q
thick, rough scale that would come of
when soaked with oil or warm water
bringing a few hairs each time, but in
a few days would form again, larger
each time, and spreading until the en-,
tire back Of the head was covered with
the scale. This was accompanied by
a terrible itching and burning sensa
ton. Now my head is completely well
and my hair growing nicely" (Signed)
Mrs. Geo. F. Clark, Mar. rs, 1912.
Cutfcura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample Of each
free with 32-p. Skin Book. Address
postcard "Cuticura, Dept. L, Boston
Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19

he must bring it to the attention of
the people. There are various ways Of
doing this. Some find 1t advisable to
exhibit their stock at county fairs and
at the state fair. Others do not ex-
hibit, but depend upon newspaper ad.
vertising. Still others, and the best
method of all, keep milk and butter
records and carry on official tests.
The main opportunity for the begin
ner with pure bred cattle in bringing
his herd before the public is by max
ing official years records of his cows,
and in this respect he has an equal
advantage with the millionaire breeder
who breeds cattle for recreation, and
not as a business. There is plenty of
room in Missouri, and will be for the
next twenty-five years, for many herds
of high class dairy cattle. Il VIII take
probably ten years for q breeder to
thoroughly establish himself. If he
goes at it in the right way, by keeping
the best stock he is able to get, keep
ing records of production all the time,
and eliminating the poor animals, he
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
LIKE A DUTIFuL WIFE
FRANCES AGREED TO DRESS TIC
SUIT HER HUBBY.
But, as When Most Women Agree to
Aeeede to Such a Request, There
Was a String Attached to
the Promise.

Frances glanced up from her morn
ing orange to find Paul regarding her
over his paper. 1t was not an uncom-
mon experience, but this time there
was something out of the usual, a
critical, almost disappearing look in
ais eyes.
What is the matter?" she asked.
IF you must know" said Paul, lay.
ing aside the morning paper, 81 was
wondering why women wear those
sloppy clothes at the breakfast tablet"
Sloppy nothing! This is a perfect
Iy clean kimonoi"
1T may be clean, but it's sloppy all
the same. It reminds me of the dar-
keys description OF the fit of Dicks
shirt-touches no whar 'cep at de
neck"
but. Paul, all kimoons are made
like that. It's their cut!"
Then l wish they could be cut out.
How any nice, trim, tidy woman can
be contented to wear a-a-clothes
Dag like that with no line or shape to-
1t passes me! I'd a good deal rather
see you come to the table In a pretty
1ightgown! What's the special ad-
vintage of a kimono, anyway"
We'll, it is SO comfortable and easy
to get into"
1--we nothing to say against your be-
ing comfortable or easy, but l should
think a clever woman like you could
invent something which would be both
hose and yet look trig and neat and
have some outline to it. Can't 1t be
done?"
"I-suppose-so," said Frances. "Of
course, II you don't like klmonos-"
Il DON'T"
I'll stop wearing them. Only a
shirtwaist is so fussy to put on and
this is SO comfy!"
What's the matter with taking a
tuck in your kimono or a gusset or a
bias or a plat or one of those things
women are always putting in clothes,
and making even a kimono have some
fit to 1t. Couldn't you do it,"
Would you really like it a lot bet
ter, Paul?"
Il really would! Perhaps I'm an idi-
OF, but / have an ideal of my wife's
looks and that slimpsy kimono effect
i~nterferes with 1t. I don't like to re-
member you in 1t when I'm at bust
ness"
"Then the kimono must go!" said
Frances, firmly. Sooner than that my
lord and master should have a painful
picture Of me in his mind all day I'd
get up an hour earlier every morning
and make a grand toilette! And, then,
II l want you to put on your dress
clothes for dinner at any time OF
course I shall have no hesitation In
asking you to have it, for ! know you
are as anxious to please me as I'M
to please you"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
4. It saves labor.

little time If done while the stock is
young. A leather punch may be used,
but a larger punch; special for the
purpose, is better.
Young animals stand the work best
and they are more easily handled. 1t
can be done when the lamb or pig is
from a day to a week old. The cartil-
age Of the ear is tender and easy to
cut at this age and there is little
bleeding.
The diagram shows a system of ear
marking. Each notch stands for a GER
tain number. To mark an animal No.
I, a notch is made near the head in
the top of the left ear. To mark No.
2, the same notch with a like on in
the right a are made.
Any number up to 400 may be made
by this system.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
wouIdnt Let Wife Eat with Him.

Mrs. Ida L. James of Peekskill seri-
ously objected to eating at the sec
ond table," even though SO ordered to
do by her husband, Herbert James,
and SO she went after a divorce. Fur
thefmore, she got it. Supreme Court
Justice Tompkins of White Plains had
never heard of a marriage contract
calling upon a wife to eat after her
husband and children had devoured all
the white meat" That's why he was
SO generous with his divorce.
James owns a summer resort com
prising a 50acre park. After a good
many years he grew tired Of looking
at his wife across the table and SO or
iered her to provide herself with
material ~sustenance after the rest of
them hcd pushed back the finger
bowls.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
Aches Illustrated.

Along Brockton's white way there
is n sign among the many that light
up the shopping district by night
which attracts considerable attention
Ia big tooth in a framework Of in.
candescent lights, with serpents of
fire twisting and curving around it.
Dad and the boys we're downtown,
and the kiddies, naturally, were first
attracted by it. The Oldest has lost
some Of his first teeth and expert
enced in some slight degree the
pangs of pain because of it.
81 know what that is. It's a tooth!'
exclaimed the littlest boy, joyful over
the discovery. But what's the rest
of it?"
Why, anybody ought to know that"
was his older brothers crushing re-
ply. "Them's the aches."-Brockton
Enterprise.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
WAS WILLING TO REPEAT IT
Bright Youths Phrase of Gratitude
Paid for and Well Worthy
of Repetition.

He was a most intelligent youth,
and while going through the basement
at the works he noticed that some
thing was wrong with the machinery.
He at once gave the alram, and pre-
vented what might have been a seri.
u accident. The circumstance was
reported to the head Of the firm, be.
fore whom the lad was summoned.
y you have done me a great service,
my lad" said the genial chief, "and in
future your wages will be increased
by two shillings weekly"
Thank you, sir" said the bright lit.
tie fellow. II will do my best to be
be a good servant to you"
That's the right spirit, my lad" he
remarked, encouragingly. "In all the
years that I have been in business NO
one has ever thanked me in that way
l will make the increase three shill
ings. Now, what do you say to that?'
We'll, sir" replied the lad. smiling
ly, would you mind if l said II
AGAIN."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
MADE A DEMAND FOR ROSES
Florists Business Materially Increased
Through Action Of Enterprising
Young Lady.

Many months had passed since first
he met the sweet, sweet girl. He loved
her dearly, but he was woefully shy,
and his suit made but slow progress.
Finally, It was the girl who decided
to improve the shining hour, and add
q trifle to the pace Of the proceedings.
To make up her mind was to act, and
the very next time the young man
called she pointed to the rose that
adorned his button hole.
"I1l give you a kiss for that rose."
abe blurted out.
A crimson, guilty flush ~overspread
the young mans face, like the light of
the setting sur. There was, however,
no hesitation On his part. and he
clinched the bargain. Then he grab
bed his cap and proceeded to rusL.
from the room In double quick time.
And where are you going?" she
asked In great surprise.
"Oh," he answered TREMENDOUSLY. I'm
Just on to the florists to buy up his
stock Of roses!"-London Answers.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19

All who understand the development
OF agriculture in other parts of the
world recognize that the dairy COW
must in the future be an important
factor in the agriculture of the Missis-
sippi Valley. Since this is certain to
come about it is we'll to be prepared
to meet the conditions.
The tendency in this direction is
easily recognized at the present time.
Within the last few years the demand
for dairy cattle has increased more,
and has remained stronger, than mas
the demand for any other class Of live
stock. The demand for we'll bred cat
tie of the dairy breeds in Missouri has
been greater than the supply for the
last five years. If there is a sufficient
number together there is no trouble
in finding a buyer who will be glad to
pay from SIS to 500 per head,
While these prices and this demand
will undoubtedly fiuctuate more or
less in the future, we have no grounds
from which 70 expect that there will
be any serious decline in years to
-
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
%DEHoRNiNe CATTLE,
BY c. {. Brashear, College Of Agri
culture, University of
Missouri.

Dehorning is not the painful opera
ton 1t used to be. The clipper is
4aking the place Of the dehorning saw.
Its advantages are that it is more
quickly operated and IL gives the ami
NAL less pain.
1T has the further advantage that
tho close confinement Of the animal
necessary for the operation Of the saw
IS not needed in the use of the clip
Per. II is used successfully without q
d%ehorning chute.
The animal is tied to a tree with q
rope. passed around the neck. airing
with 4 rope attached Is placed in the
nose and pulled IN the direction OPP
pesife the tree. This throws the head
m position for dehorning
rhe horn n more often cut TOO high
thnn too close. III feet, II III hard To
Gut tae horn 100 close, and me horn
cuts easier low. The wound MISC heals
quicker and the head Is given q nicer
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
HE KNEW WHAT TO AVOID
II Knowing Human Nature Would Do
It This Man Would Have Made
Good Preacher.

DIR. John Haynes Holmes. who
preached Bull Moose sermon to
President Taft the Sunday before cleo
ton day, isn't like Washington
White" said a member of DR.. Holmes
Church Of the Messiah in New York.
Washington White was an aged
bod carrier. Laying down his paper
one evening, he said to his wife over
his s~pectacles:
Martha, | believe I'd make a
preacher. Listen. now. and I'll give
you a SER lon.'
The old man then stood up to the
table and beloved out a vigorous dis
course on the ~wickedness of the idola-
tors Of the Orient.
His wife said at the end:
"a good enough sermon, Washing
ton, but you've told US all about the
sins Of the foreigners and never a
word about the sins of the folks at
home here
Ha, ha, ha, l understand preachin'
too well for that laughed the willy old
man"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
Too Many Amateurs.

DR.. Woods Hutchinson, at the
Twentieth Century club in Boston,
condemned baked beans.
I'VE hear a lot" he said, "about the
raw vegetable cure, the starvation or
fast cure, the fruit cure and what-not,
These things, no less than baked
beans, are bad for us unless they are
recommended by an experienced die
tician.
There are too many amateur die
ticians-and we all know the anna
teur.
IAN amateur photographer was
showing me some snapshots of Italy.
"tAnd these leaning buildings, what
are they?' | asked.
"'They are some buildings in Pisa
he replied. That perfectly straight
one near them is the famous leaning
tower"