The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1912-12-31
APARSON'S
REMEDY
By NJ. QUAD
Copyright, 1912, by Associated Lit
erary Press.

lie willow hOOuuue udu colDe tdSi
from Michigan and settled in a Con.
necticut village. She was a childeSs
woman of forty-fve, and the villagers
liked her looks and gave her welcome.
For five or six weeks all went well,
and then the widow broke out.
A villager who had done some paint
ing for the widow called for his money.
She opened fire on him at once. After
tongue flashing him for five minutes
she picked up n club and drove him
from the premises. She had ii garden,
and she had given neighbor permits
sion to cut the grass for his COW. He
was cutting away when the woman de
scended apon him and gave him cuff
on the ear and rushed him out Of the
yard a much frightened man. The gro
Ger happened to be passing, and he
halted at the gate 80 see the fun. Mrs.
Goodhue walked out TO him and said
See here, you balloon faced son Of
a gun you trot right on or III break
your knees"
The grocer stood with mouth open
and wondered If he had heard Alright
Didn't tell you to trot?' demanded
the widow as she whirled him around
and administered kick that raised his
heels six inches from the ground
Across the street a carpenter was
building fence. AS he hammered
N ehoJ,.,. PoIl oornc., bfe Foot .
the same time stick fell upon his
head.
what! What's this?" he asked MS
he whirled around.
TOO much darned noise" replied the
woman.
"Why, lady, I have got to hammer in
the nails"
Then I've got to hammer you with
this stick
And she sailed in and dro him from
his job, and like the grass cutter and
the grocer. he went away to spread the
report that the Widow GoOdhue had
gone plumb crazy. The facts in the
matter later reached the ears Of DR..
Beazler, the Oldest practitioner in the
county aud an acknowledged authority
On mental diseases, and he made IA call
TO see how bad the case was. He
found the patient seated on the floor
IN the middle of the room, with her
hair down and a broken chair beside
her. At the first glance he decided that
she was crazy
"Well?" she asked after they had
stared at each other for half a minute.
"You are not feeling very well?' he
half queried.
you are an internal liar" she
promptly replied.
DR. Beazler smiled like the bloom ON
n bull thistle and sat down. AS he sat
down the widow jumped up. He read
his peril In her ewes and made bolt
for the door and got most of his body
outside before her foot hit the rest of
it. That settled It, The newcomer
was as crazy as Il March. April or May
hare She must Ice restrained. The
law must be appealed to. The village
was agog over the news. but it ha6
something more coming to H. Next
| day and before amy steps had been
taken the smiling and good natured
widow was asking the neighbor why
he didn't cut more grass for his COW.
I She was at the grocery ordering a big
bill of eatables She was bowling TO
DR.. Beazler across the street, and she
repaid three or four social calls. Crazy:
Why, the person that said SO must be
a born fool She was just lovely. she
was
Five times in one year the widow
had those queer spells. Theu the good
Deacon Watkins came from distance
of nine miles to court her and win her
hand and carry her or 20 Medina K
/ was all done ia six weeks time. and
none of the villagers posted the wooer
| as TO those strange spells He had
/ been bridegroom for several weeks
and was still feeling mushy when one
/ Of them came on aud gave him the
/ surprise Of his life He was cuffed
and kicked down cellar and upstairs
and out Of the house. and for two days
he ate raw turnips aud slept in the
! barn. Then peace and love were re-
stored and an went merriy There
! were four outbreaks before the deacon
began 10 think of divorce Then hc
went to his pastor 10 tail, things over.
"She doesn't get hold of liquorf" ask
ed the parSon
"Not a drop: not even cider
"Was there insanity i'm her familyf"
"She says not"
deacon. you run the house, don't
/ your asked the parSou
yes. kinder-th is. 7 guess do"
(Which means that vour wife does
Tmr'
The parsou reflected Tor FIVE min
utes. and then frr 1--WE more be was
busy whispering into the deacon's
right ear Thcu tlr deacon SMILED
and nodded rl went home. Tho next
day the par-on went o1 his vacation.
and 81 was Sis ueo.. before they met
again
"Wene' asked ,i. nlrs0u
"She start.d in to h.ve moncr"
"And you
"Gave Der fhe cad licked her good
and Stout
"Aud sha~-
"Cudi'c5 reht down: said taat was