davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
MADE A CLEAN JOB OF IT
First Time Old Gentleman Had Eaten
Grab, and He Left Nothing
on the Dish.

A jolly old boy from the Midlands
entered into one of the hotels at the
seaside, and, seeing on the slab on
the right crab dressed on the shell
with legs. claws and parsley ranged
round, said to the landlord:
What dye call that?"
Grab" was the answer.
Looks good. I'll have 'un; and gle
us a pint o. ale."
Bread and butter was added and the
diner left to his dinner. In about an
hour the genial landlord entered the
dining-room to see II his guest was
getting on all right. He found him
chawing up the last claw, the chawer
red in the face, but beaming.
Like the crab, sir?"
Yes; he was capital. never tasted
one afore. But / think you baked 'un
a little too long; the crust was hard.
Let's have another pint"
He had eaten the lot-shell, claws
and all complete.-London Tit-Bits.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
A PENALTY OF AGE

The tendency OF advancing years to
restrict activity and exercise is re-
sponsible for the constipated condition
of most elderly people. The wear of
years impairs the action of the bow
els and the digestive organs are more
sensitive to the demands upon them
and rebel more quickly. Cathartics
and purgatives are violent and dras-
tic in their action and should not be
used to correct constipation. A mild,
yet positively effective remedy. and
one that is recommended by physi-
clans as well as by thousands who
have used 1t, is the compound of sim
Pile laxative herbs with pepsin pre-
scribed by DR.. w. B. Caldwell over
thirty years ago and now sold by drug.
gists everywhere under the name Of
DR.. Ca1dwell's Syrup Pepsin. DR..
Caldwell wants everyone troubled with
constipation to try Syrup Pepsin and
will send trial bottle, free of charge,
to all who write for 1t. Address DR..
W. B. Caldwell, 203 West st.. Month
cello, Ill. Adv.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Lot of Money Wen Spent.

Arthur Blanchard, who spends much
of his time travelling over the coun
try for the government, was seated
behind bride and groom in Pull
man car one afternoon when the train
went through a long tunnel AS II
emerged into the light of day the
bride was grabbing desperately at her
hat and fighting three fast rounds
with one or two hairpins which had
become loosened.
In order to relieve the situation and
inject some harmless conversation
into the gap. Blanchard remarked:
This tunnel cost s12,000,000."
Well" said the bride judicially, 1T
was worth it."-Popular Magazine
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Her Name Was Not Polly rIeks.


During the late campaign an Illinois
candidate for the legislature was driv-
ing through the country, seeking votes
among the farmers, when he met a
young man In farmers garb, walking
by the roadside.
Having in mind prospective vote.
he stopped his horse, and saluting him
in familiar manner, inquired:
Are you paying any attention to
politics nowadays?"
The young man stopped, looked at
him suspiciously, and drawled out:
mo, stranger; that don't happen to
be my gals name; but ef 1t was,
wouldn't think 1t was any of your
burned business"
This ended the interview as well as
the prospect.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
HOW GIRLS
MAY AVOID
PERIODIC PAINS
The Experience of Two Girls
Here Related For The
Benefit of Others.

Rochester, N. Yer have daugh-
ter 13 years old who has always been
very healthy until recently when she
complained of dizziness and cramps every
month, 80 bad that would have to keep
her home from school and put her to bed
to get relief.
'.After giving her only two bottles of
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound she is now enjoying the best Of
health. / cannot praise your Compound
too highly. want every good mother
to read what your medicine has done for
my child. ~ Mrs. RICHARD N. DUNHAM,
311 Exchange St, Rochester. NY.
Stoutsville, Ohio. suffered from
headaches. backache and was very irreg-
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Fash WAS MASS OF SPOTS

s111a Washington st.. Salt Lake
City, Utah-'I was first alarmed by
an itchy feeling all over my arms and
a rash of tiny spots came out. The
rash was a mass Of spots like measles
and developed into running sores. The
itching was terrible and l would
scratch something awful. / tried a
treatment but It availed not. l then
decided to try Cuticura Soap and
Ointment After the first application
the itching stopped wonderfully. The
cure which followed was a marvel to
me for l thought 1 never would get
better. This was three years ago and
I have as clear skin as any one may
wish. Cuticura Soap and Ointment
cured me entirely" (Signed) Miss
Kate M. Dobson. Mar. 1s, 1912.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world Sample OF each
free. with 32-p. Skin Book. Address
postcard "Cuticura. Dept. L, Boston"
Adv.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Stretching II Some.

Two men were boasting about their
rich kin. Said one: my father has
big farm in Connecticut. 1t is SO big
that when he goes to the barn on
Monday morning to milk the cows he
kisses us all goodbye. and he doesn't
get back till the following Saturday"
why does it take him SO long?"
the other asked.
Because the barn is SO far away
from the house."
We'll. that may be a pretty big
farm, but compared to my fathers
farm in Pennsylvania your father 8
farm amt no bigger than a city lott"
why, how big is your fathers
farm?"
well, it's SO big that my father
sends young married couples out to
the barn to milk the COWS, and the
milk is brought back by their grand
children"
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

New gold, old gold. dull gold and bright
Cleaning on the maple trees that stand
upon the height;
Red gold and brown gold poured upon
the leaves,
Till they are as tapestry that sways in
Is there any other time in all the year
at all
Half so marvel-fine as are the golden
days of fall?
New gold. old gold, gold robe and crown,
With a woodbine's scarlet gold to trace
1t up and down;
Grape leaves glinting with a golden
Fillgreed ShNfi in silver gray in the frosty
dawns-
Out across the stubbied fields the quail
sends forth its call
Life is worth the living in the golden
days of fall.
Gold here. gold there. blazing fine and
fair,
Golden sparlsles dancing through the
golden-winey air;
Gold buds and gold blooms where the
flowers stand,
Spicy-pungent with the scent they fling
across the land
Golden rod and golden fruit to heap high
in the hall
Nature is a Creosus in the golden days
of fall
Dull gold. bright gold, old gold and new
Golden stars as lanterns swing across
the nights dark blue.
Gold-glints and gold-gleams upon the
clouds by day
And all the world is rolling down shin
ing golden way.
Is there any other time in all the year
at all
Haif so marvel-fine as are the golden
days of fall?
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

prime requisites to success. the larg-
or the yards are the more easy 1t will
be to maintain healthful conditions
among the fiocks. II the yard areas
must be small more care will have to
be exercised. While there is no flxed
rule relative to the amount Of yard
space required, IL wholesome condi-
tions are maintained one hundred and
forty square feet per chicken will suf-
fee.
Money is often spent unnecessarily
In providing expensive building equip
ment. Unduly artificial conditions are
neither essential nor desirable in sue
cessful poultry growing. A plain, sim
ply constructed house well lighted,
dry, and properly ventilated without
draft. is all that is required. The in
terror fittings should be simply de-
signed with as few cracks and dark
corners as possible. thus aiding In the
suppression OF lice and mites and
avoidance Of disease due to the lack
of light and dryness.
Board ftoors are rarely used except
In portable houses because of their
expensiveness and the suitable condi-
tions they furnish for harboring YER
min.
Concrete floors, favored next to
earth. are increasing rapidly in use
and popularity. While the first cost OF
the concrete floor is greater, 1t is dur
ahle. dry. clean. and can be perfectly
Aisinfected Ia case of disease. This
type Of fioor is objected to as being
cold but the objection can be over.
come by the use of deep straw Gov
ering. An earth floor may be tried
first and II unsatisfactory replace by
concrete later.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Types of Roofs.

is the gable form which does away
with the long span, thus being adapted
for use on wider buildings. In addi-
tion 1t affords greater pitch which is
desirable In the use OF shingles. The
objections to its use are that 1t is
necessary to have the back side of
the house as high as the front. thus
causing waste of material upon the
back. ends and partitions.
The combination roof is in reality
roof combining the features of the
shed and gable roof having unequal
spans, the shorter usually being about
one-third the length of the longer.
This roof has the advantage of both
types in that 1t can be used on a
house wider than the shed roof type,
affording sleeper pitch with less cost
for siding. In addition the back side
of the building Is no higher than with
the shed roof thus making 1t much
more economical to construct than the
gable roof 1t should be remembered
that as long as the pitch of the roof
remains unchangea the material used
for all three styles Of roofs Is exactly
the same and the saving In material
occurs In the sides, ends and parti-
tions. Bearing this In mind an exam
ination of the illustration will show
the desirable features OF this type Of
roof as compared to the shed or gable
when used on house sixteen feet
wide and having one foot rise to every
three feet horizontal run. The dotted
line shows the average angle OF the
SUMS rays for December Il, which In.
dicates the necessity Of placing the
windows feet 9 inches high In order
for the sunlight 70 reach the far side
of the house within.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

amounts for feed. The average cost
Sf keeping horses in Columbus Is 40.1
cents a day, and contrary to popular
belief heavy express horses are fed
for nearly two and a half cents less
than light driving horses. The lowest
cost was ss9.02 per year in the case
of an underfed animal. and the high
est cost was $229.02. stallion being
fitted for show One noticeable fact
was the absence of variety In the ra-
tion. the principal roughage being tim
othy hay the year round. and 1t was
common to find this feed given in ex-
cess. Corn and oats constituted the
principal grain feeds In one in.
stance a Saving OF $11.15 per animal
or yearly saving Of 1858. was
brought about by the use of four
pounds of oats straw in place OF a
similar amount of hay
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
AUST Among Friends"

Dear SIr:-
Allow me to suggest that you work
this idea into a .ood joke:
Brown-I see that the bands that
nlav the park concerts will not play
any more ragtime.
Jones--Yes. And they are going to
stop playing nagtime at the races and
lagtime at the election celebrations.
This ought to make funny joke
IL properly handled.
CONSTANT READER.
HLeA--OIae>GI>
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
USUAL COST OF
KEEPING HORSES
interesting investigation Made
by Students OF Ohio Agri-
cultural College.

The truth OF Slse statement that the
methods OF handling and the stable ac-
conmodations have a marked in
fiuence on the amount of feed re-
'duired to keep a horse in good condi-
ton has been proven by Investigations
made In Columbus by the animal hus-
'bandry' students of the College of Ag-
rfculthre, Ohio State University
These Investigations have been car
Efied on for several years. over 1000
head of horses having been included. II
was found that the concerns with the
poorest accommodations for their
horses and where the least care was
given we're paying out the largest
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Ready.

as this car ready for fall and win
ter service?" asks the railway man.
ager.
Eyes, SIR" says the shop boss. I'VE
have vanished it inside with nice,
smelly varnish that acts like glue and
won't allow the windows to be raised.
We have tightened all the yentilatore
so they won't open and have hxed the
heating plant 30 that five minutes
after the car is loaded the yarnish
will smell like fury, everybody will
be to warm and it will be impossible
TO get any fresh air"
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Not Naeded.

While a travelling man was waiting
for an opportunity to show his sam
pies to a merchant in little back
woods town in Missouri. a customer
came in and bought a couple of night
shirts. Afterwards a long. lank, lum-
herman, with his trousers stuffed in
his boots, said to the merchant:
what was them ere that feller
bot?"
might shirts. Can sell you one or
two?"
''Naup, / reckon not" said the Mis-
sourian, "T don't set around much O.
nights. ts."-Lippincott's
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
PRINCIPAL FEATURES TO BE CONSIDERED
IN ARRANGEMENT OF POULTRY PLANT
Many Chicken Troubles Can BE Traced to Selection Of Un-
suitable Ste-Poutryman Should Study Demands, Prox
unity to Markets and Other Points

The width OF the house depends en-
tirely upon its use. Breeding houses
are usually narrow because limited
number of birds are kept in one pen.
Laying houses are generally IA feet
to 20 feet wide. The wider the house
the more economically it can be built
per square foot of floor space.
The height of house depends upon
its kind; sufficient room for working
comfortably is all that Is necessary.
Generally speaking, continuous houses
have their high side to the south, espe-
cially those which admit all light from
that direction, in which case not less
than six feet is needed in front with
at least four feet In the back. In or
der to permit the light to extend to
the back Of the house. 16 foot width
width, tn foot front, etc. The height
of front would also depend upon the
style Of roof used, but from the stand
point of lighting from the south side
these rules should be observed In or
der to properly light the building.
The most suitable style of roof de-
pends entirely upon the type Of house.
The commonest form used Is the shed
roof, sloping one way, best adapted to
the narrow house facing, the south. A
roof of this kind with the high side
to the south sends all the water to the
rear, is simple to construct and will
not absorb as much heat as the COM
bination or gable roof. upon a portion
of which the suns rays strike more d.
rectly. The shed roof should not be
used on houses over Ia feet wide, as
the length of span will permit sagging,
and in order to secure a sufficient
pitch to the roof. the front would need
to be excessively high, thus causing
greater cost of construction.
Another type Of roof frequently used
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

w. N. u, salt Lake cIty. No. 47-1s12..
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

well and hearty and weigh about
200 pounds. / feel very grateful that
found Dodds Kidney Pills and you
may publish this letter II you wish.
am serving my third term as Probate
Judge of Gray Co. Yours truly,
PHILIP MILLER, Cimarron. Kan.
Correspond with Judge Miller about
this wonderful remedy.
Dodds Kidney Pills, SOC. per box at
your dealer or Dodds Medicine Co.,
Buffalo, N. Y. Write for Household
Hints, also music Of National Anthem
(English and German words) and re-
cipes for dainty dishes, All 8 sent free.
Adv.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
speck on Their Black ,seuteheon.


Mollie, a light-colored mulatto
housemaid who has been in the en-
ploy of South Side family for a
number of years, recently gave up her
position to get married. relates the
Kansas City Star. A few days ago
she returned and asked to have her
old place back. The woman Of the
house was glad to have her return,
but surprised that she came 80 soon
after being married, and questioned
her as to her reason for wanting to
return. In reply the maid said: my
husbands folks is all jealous of me
because I'm SO hight colored. You
know my husband is very dark and all
his folks is dark, too; and was mad
because he married me. Why, one Of
his sisters told me, 'Yous SO bright
you make a spot In our family"
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
His Mistake.

After the services were over, one
of the congregation turned to his wife
and said:
ION my way to church picked up
a button and put 1t in my change
pocket, where had a quarter"
Gracious, my deari" anticipated
his wife, very much Mortified. And
you dropped 1t into the collection bas-
ket by mistaken"
mo, confound it," replied her hus-
band. az put. in the quarter. Judge.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Cream Separator.

II you are making butter instead of
selling cream. you are probably aware
of the fact of the importance of keep
ing the separator clean. 1t ought to
be washed out and taken apart every
time after 1t has been used. and the
parts should be put outside so that
the direct rays of the sun may dis
infect them. Only washing the sepa-
rator once a day is an exceedingly
sloyen1y practice. Even II you are
selling your cream. take the same care
Of your separator. It is to your In
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Diana Of the Air.

The beautiful and athletic Eleanora
Sears, at luncheon at Sherry's, said
of aviation:
Il like the biplane well enough. and
the monoplane am simply head over
heels in love with"
To this remark one of Miss Sears
many unsuccessful suitors answered
reproachfully:
"Ah, another case of man being sup
planted by machinery
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
ATender point.

what got you into trouble with this
policeman?" demanded the New York
Judge.
lust trying to ask him a civil
question your honor" said the visitor,
nothing more"
what was that question:"
Il just asked him when the next
official murder would be dragged of"
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

thanks for what Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound has done for me.
/ had taken other medicines but did not
find relief. Miss CORA B. FosNAUGH,
Stoutsville, Ohio, RED, No. /.
Hundreds of such letters from moth
ers expressing their gratitude for what
Lydia e. Pinkham's Vegetable COM
pound has accomplished for their daugh-
ters have been received by the Lydia q.
Pinkham Medicine Company, Lynn, Mass.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
No Sleep for Him.

The man has taken an overdose of
morphine.
See, they are exerting every effort
TO keep him awake.
They slap him with wet towels, yet
he closes his eyes.
They prick him with pins, yet his
Bnores come regularly.
They pinch him and punch him and
pound him.
Still his head falls calmly over in
sleep.
Hold, who is coming?
It is the neighbor.
oh, joy, the man is saved!
Here" cries the neighbor, make
him hold this baby for WHILE"
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

The Inventor was talking to himself.
What with my heatless light, my
leakless fixtures. my invisible ash
can and my disappearing bed. l have
made the life of the urbanite well
worth the living"
Wrong" corrected the down
weighted Benedict. You have yet to
perfect the footless meter and the
vanishing gas ill."-Judge.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

my breath was
short and I had
chills and back
ache. l took the
pills about a year
ago and have had
no return of the
palpitations. Am
now So years old,
able to do lots Of
manual labor, am
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Is Peruna a Laxative?

| am in re-
ceipt Of a letter
from a mechan-
ic who is at the
head Of a pros
porous house
hold. Peruna
has been used
in his family
for a good
many years. He
writes as fol-
lows:
"As you know,
we have used
Peruna In our
home for a num-
Der of years.
We find IL a re-
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Poetry and Prose.

Poetic Bridegroom could sit here
forever gazing into your eyes and
listening to the wash of the ocean.
Practical Bride-0h. speaking of
wash that reminds me. darling;
we have not paid our laundry bin
yet.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Exoneratina the Police.

Yes. sir" averred the New York
man, my house was robbed. Looted
in broad daylight"
Where were the police?"
Now hold on. / don't say the po-
lice are mixed up In it,
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Counsel Of neanalr.

'I want a piece of meat without any
bone. fat or gristle," said the bride,
on her first trip to market. Yes.
ma am" replied the butcher. Il
would suggest that you take an egg"
Youths Companion.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

Manager-Yes. the old farmer was
a little skeptical about our wild man
really being wild. but I satisfied him.
Fat Man-You did? How?
Manager-Why, told him the wild
man was bigamist who once had 16
wives.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
A Series.

my poor man. how did you come
to be arrested?"
'I was pinched by poverty. lady"
'Well, what happened?"
aThen I was pinched by q COP"
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

ular. A friend ad-
vised me to tax Q
Lydia E. Pinkham's
v e & etable Com
pound, and before I
had taken the whole
of two bottles I
found relief. ! am
only sixteen years
old, but ] have bet
ter health than for
two or three years.
II ronunf awpraou yssxy
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

I'm afraid Jukes is a regular
Iounder."
"oh, no. Jukes is very irregular
rounder"
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
osculatory Nerve.

The Maid-Billy Brown says | have
the prettiest mouth in the world.
The Man-Did he? I'd putynine up
against it any day.-English Magazine.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
The other Fellow.

Miss Oldmaid purchasing music)-
Have you Kissed Me In the Moon
light?"
Mf. t-Why-er-no. Il
must have been the other clerk.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
His Suspicious Aroused.

Lecturer-All statistics prove that
the blond woman is more difficult to
get along with than the brunettes.
Astonished Man in the Audience
fstarting up)-Are you certain of the
fact?
Lecturer-It is a fact.
Astonished Man-Then | believe my
wifes black hair is dyed.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

Sympathetic Afflietlon.
Don't you think Jack ought to feed
that cold? He is little hoarse."
He is-gith hay fever"
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Farm KnowIetioe.

Now the boys are looking forward
with keen anticipation to the winter
at the agricultural college. Do not
disappoint them.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
Extremea.

Extremes.
Ought these two articles to go un-
der the same heading?"
No: they are not on the same foot
ing"
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
The Harness punch.

Get a harness punch. 1t costs only
a quarter and with package of. cop
per rivets breaks can be mended in
a jiffy.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

We have noticed that the men who
die for womea nearly always do SO at
the lands of an injured husband.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

As a girl grows older she becomes
wiser and quits wearing so many pins
In the vicinity of her waist line.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

You can always get a lot for your
money If you patronize real estate
dealer.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
INVESTING FOR PROFIT FREE

For six Months. II is worth sle copy 70 any nan aa
10 money. however small VINO nah
Invested tnnpey nprohtAbly who can sayesb or more
Der month hut who hasn't learned the art ot INVESTING
kcr nrhf III demonstrates the rcnl earning power OF
money the Knowledge nanciers and bAnkers hi5e from
the masses ii reveals the enormous pfonts bankers
make and how to make the same
how supendos fortunes nre maue anu ~
~ now IN send It six months. absolutely FREE.
AT. BARBER Pub. 4se, z6 .JacksoD Blvd. Chease.l
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
His Authority.

81 thought you told me that man
was a golden-mouthed speaker"
Well / had it from his dentist"
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06
JUDGE CURED, HEART TROUBLE

/ took about boxes Of Dodds Kid
ney Pills for Heart Trouble from
which had suffered for years.
had dizzy spells, my eyes puffed,
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

The eve flock should be run through
the min and cuiied Just Is the wheat
Ii before sowing.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

Mrs. winslow'z Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces infammar
ton allays pain. .cureswind collie, 25c bottle At
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

terest as well as to the interest OF the
butter-maker to deliver first-class ar
ticIe.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

People will encourage your fads as
long as you are willing to souander
your money on them.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

DR.. Piercs's Pleasant Pellets first put up
40 years ago. They regulate and inyigorats
stomach, liver and bowels. Sugar-coated
tiny granules Adv.
Montpelier examiner., 1912-12-06

Women always succeed in civic af-
fairs when they organize broom
brigade"
Naturally. they make a clean
sweep"