davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
confusIons of Ehects

Things didn't seem to work to- gether in your series of dramatic rep resentations." "They didn't" admitted Stormington Barnes. When we play ed tragedy the box office receipts were a farce, and when we played farce they were a tragedy Washington Star.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Frankly Puzzled,

Small Girl Entertaining her moth. sr's caller)-How is your little girl? Caller-I am sorry to say, my dear. that I haven't any little girl. Small Girl (after a painful pause in conver sation)-How Is your little boy? Cali- sr)-My dear, haven't any little boy, either. Small Girl-What are yours? |? The Housekeeper.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Ancient Philosophy.

Until philosophers are kings, and the princes of this world are filled with the spirit and power of philoso- phy, and political greatness and wis dom meet in one, cities will never cease from i'll; no, nor the human race, as I believe, and not until then will our state have a possibility of life, and see the light of day.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Use for erasshoppers.

A concern in Buenos Ayres, Argen- tina, is about to install machinery to be used in factory for producing fer hlizing materials. It is proposed to utilize grasshoppers and their eggs, thus converting a destroyer of the crop into fertilizing material.-Scien- fife American
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06

ness and backache,
 and was so nervous
 that I would cry at
 the least noise, it would startle me so. l began to take Ly- dia E. Pinkham's remedies, and Idon't have any more cry ing spells. l sleep sound and my ner- vousness is better. I will end
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Doing as Romans Do.

When I am in Rome I fast as the Romans do; when am at Milan do not fast. So likewise you, whatever church you come to, observe the GUS tom of the place, if you would neither give offense to others, nor take of fense from them.-St. Ambrose's Ad. vice to St. Austin on Sabbath Keeping,
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
herort pIscourteous

An Englishman and a Welshman d1sputing in whose country was the best living, the Welshman said: There is such noble housekeeping in Wales that I have known above a dozen cooks employed at one we'd ding dinner" "Ay," answered the Englishman, that was because every man toasted his own cheese"
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
unseJnsnness,

Unselfshness is so inseparably linked with motherhood that the possi- bility of overstepping safe boundaries and thus creating selfish instincts in the boy or girl for whom you are mak- Ing all the sacrifices seldom suggests Itself-think about the matter some time.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Keen on smIIIno.

Even if bad temper is due to phys ical disturbances, keep on smiling. It will save you friends, make you feel better and enable you more thorough ly to enjoy the morrow when you will be more nearly in tune with nature
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
He Was Prenared.

Mrs. Marryat-"Oh, John, didnA expect you home to lunch. We have nothing but smoked sausage in the house." MT. Marryat-"Well, being hungry, I'm prepared for the wurst." {" Catholic Standard and Times.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Bite That Broke Bulldogs Tooth.

At Garrettford a bulldog bounced at the leg of James Martin, of this place Being an artificial limb, the joint un- der the knee, largely of steel, closed m the dogs jaw, held him fast for and broke off one of his teeth. Record.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
DIscovered by AccIdent.

Carborundum first was produced by a chemist, who was experimenting with electricity, happening to place carbon electrodes connected with a dynamo into a bowl containing some crushed coke and clay.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
How We Live.

The only right is that which allows mans individuality to expand. and the only wrong is that which contracts it we live in the measure that we voice ourselves, and we but finger when self-expression atrophies and dies.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Cooking Asparaaus.

Prepare it same as you would to cook in boiling water. but instead of putting in double boiler without any water except what remains on it from washing, put in little salt and cook same as you would oatmeal. It takes about two hours to cook, but is much nicer cooked this way.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
That Famous unknown.

L. E. Ralston lost valuable un- brella on a St. Clair street car the other day. In his advertiseemnt in the Leader asking for the return of the umbrella, MT Ralston said: Will the man for whom Diogenes made his famous search kindly bring back my umbrella and receive his reward. - Cleveland Leader.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
A Pertinent Question.

There are great men who cannot spell, and small people who object to them. Spell eat" said the teacher to the boy at the tail end of the class. Kat" replied the boy. Silly" re- piled the teacher. Cant you spell cat?" We'll replied the sensible boy, what does kat spell?"
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06

AGENTS, either sex. Big profits. SELLS LIKE WILDFIRE. Be your own boss, manage an agency for us. Send $1.00 for big package of samples and our leafleI
 HOW TO OBTAIN FINANCIAL SUC- CESS" Speciality Supply Co.,, Box 1141, Pasadena, California.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
When to Gather AppIes.

Even though he may not be weh versed in fructiculture the average schoolboy knows full well that the best time to gather apples is when the dog is chained up.-The Tatler.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Quite the onnnsite

Agnes-What are you writing, Ethel. your will? Ethel-No, I'm writing my won't. Jack proposed last night and [ told him I'd answer by mail.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Youth and happIness.

Make youth the most attractive pc riod possible-crowd every pleasure and bit of sunshine imaginable into that day for the sorrows will enter all too soon-but in doing so watch the recipient of your favors and sacrifices that he or she does not develop into selfish boy or girl
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
rr soIssors Next Time.

"She meant to chop of the chick en's head with hatchet," says Mis- souri editor, "but only succeeded in cutting of her forehnger. The next time she has designs against the life of a chicken we recommend the use of a pair of scissors. ."-Atlanta Con stitution.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Advice.

"Givin' a man advice" said Uncle Eben, "generaly don't amount to huff fin but woryin' him wifi talk about troubles dat he knows a heap mo about den you does"
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
[23IflEd 379ZSlU9 gVIsE ggVsE aE5IE5 E7E5

Somebody Ought to Tell Them.
 The trouble with good many wives s that they don't know that less than Dne woman in every thousand can manage to look bewitching in a dmono.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
IuekV Juliet

Mrs. Knicker-What impressed you most in Romeo and JuIiet?" Mrs subbubs: The fact that Juliet could keep a nurse in what appeared to be the suburbs-Harper's Bazar.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Without NamIno Names.

An alienist says that one out O every 279 residents of this city is in. sane. And each of the 279 is abso- lutely certain he knows which one.- New York Herald.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
HERE IS BELIEF FOR WOMEN.

If you have pains in the back. Urinary Bladder or Kidney trouble, and want a certain, pleasant herb cure for woman's Ills, try Mother Gray's AROMATIC LEAF. It is a safe and never-fail1ng regulator. At Druggists or by mail- 50 cents. Sample package FREE. Address. The Mother Gray Co.,, Le Roy, N. r.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Mean Temperature.

When the weather man speaks of mean daily temperature he does not dse mean in the usual sense, but he might as well.-Cleveland Plain Deal W.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
MischIevous Anqer,

Our anger and impatience often prove much more mischievous than the things about which We are angry or mpatient-Marcus Aurelius.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Boys Reward.

Having pretty manners helps little girl, but all a little boy gets out of pretty manners is to have the other boys call him Sissy" -AtchisoD Globe.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Hlqher Task.

Singleton-"Well, now that you are married, suppose your wife expects you to live up to your ideals?" WeGs uore (sadly)-'No. to her ideals"
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Secret Is Like 2 Bird

A secret in his mouth is like a wild bird put into a cage; whose door nc sooner opens, but it is out.-Ben Jon yoD.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
HOWARD g. BURTON.

ASSAYER and CHEMIST.
 Leadville, Colorado. Specimen prices: Gold, Silver, Lead. 3I !; Gold, Silver 7ec; Gold, soc; Zinc or Cop ner, $1. Mailing Envelopes and full price I1I sent on application. Control and Um- Oire Work solicited. Reference: Carbo- ate National Bank
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Which Do You see7

The pessimist sees the thorns OF the roses! the optimist sees the roses on the thorns.-From Judge.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
prolifc cocoor

More than two miles of silk fire quently are taken from a single co coon
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
The RuIInq Passion.

Did you ever know a man so pros porous he wasn't figuring how he could make little money oil a side Hne?-Atchison Globe.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06

Red Cross Ball Blue will wash double as many clothes as any other blue. Don't put your money into any other.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06

Red Cross Ball Blue, all blue, best blu ing value in the whole world, makes the laundress smile.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06

Mothers will ind Mrs. winslow's Sooth- Ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their children during tFe teething period.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
Low EnqIlsh Marriage Rate.

The marriages in England last year averaged ten to one thousand porula- tion-
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06

If you think constipation is of trifline consequence, just ask your doctor. He will disabuse you of that notion in short order. "Correct it at onceI" he will say. Then ask him aboui Ayers Pills. q mild liver pill, all vegetable.
 Made by the ?. O. AYKR CO.,, Lowell. 1Eass.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
NERVOUS RESPONDENT
 WOMEN
Find Relief in Lydia E. Pink hams Vegetable Compound Their Own Statements
 So Testify.

Platea, Pa" When I wrote to you first was troubled with female weak
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06

The rich, mellow quality of LEWIS Single Binder sc cigar gives the high est pleasure in smoking.
The Holbrook news., 1912-09-06
WerOous? Thin?Pah?

/ Are you easily tired, lack your usual vigOr and strength? Then your digestion must be poor, your blood must be thin, your nerves must be weak. You need a strong tonic. You need Ayers Sarsaparilla, the only SarSa- parilla entirely free from alco- hol. We believe your doctor will endorse these state ments. Ask and find out.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19

can, an exceptional stellar event near B. G. 6
with which it may be identified.
Johann Kepler, in his peculiar genius flor he
showed that the births of Enoch, Moses, Cyrus,
Caesar, Charlemagne, and Luther were preceded
by important astrological ~events), led the way in
calling attention to the astronomical phenomena
that preceded the birth Of Christ. He pointed
out that there must have been a conjunction OF
the planets Jupiter and Saturn at about the
time of Christ's birth, and even made a few pre-
liminary calculations to prove his case. The con-
junction occurred in the sign Pisces, from time
immemorial identified with the destinies Of
Israel. A conjunction in that sign always signi-
fed the rising of some mighty master Of the
Jewish race. Such a conjunction Of Jupiter and
Saturn occurs once in about 800 years. 1t was,
therefore, sufficiently extraordinary in Kepler's
eyes to herald the birth of a Messiah.
Not until 1926 was Kepler's suggestion seri-
ously considered by astronomers. In that year
Professor Ideler, of Berlin, computed the posi-
tions Of Jupiter and Saturn and proved that they
were actually in conjunction in 7 B. C. His cal
c~ulations showed that they at no time over
Tapped to form a single star, but that they were
separated by a distance equal to the apparent
diameter OF the moon. Accordingly, Ideler had
the temerity to suppose that the wise men saw
the two planets as one star, because they were
miraculously near-sighted. In justice to Ideler,
it must be stated that he abandoned HIS theory
when Encke, In 1881, repeated the calculations
4 and found that the actual distance between Jupi-
ter and Satui ., when nearest each other in B. G.
z, was more than the apparent diameter OF the
moon.
Apart from the fact that Jupiter and Saturn
were never sufficiently near each other to be
seen as one body, two planets in conjunction
can hardly be called a star. Nor is it likely that
experienced Chaldean astrolosers would so re-
gard 1t. Moreover, there were other planetary
conjunctions at about the same time. Professor
Stockwell has demonstrated that a conjunction
Of Venus and Mars occurred on May 18th, B. G.
8, about fifty days less than two years before
Herod's death. Because the mandate for the
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
Enterprising Sam Conserves the Natural Resources

+ Sam Lee should put a big gilt
l sign bearing the words, Electrical
Chinese Laundry" on the front Of his
little shop, at 310S Fourteenth street,
Northwest, any time In the near fu-
ture, his customers in Mount Pleas
ant would not be at all surprised.
In fact, a number of those who in
trust their neglige to the tender min
istrations of the affable Celestial have
been wondering for some time why
Sam has neglected such a splendid
opportunity for a bit Of advertis-
ing.
But although Sam has been reju-
venated to the extent where he real
ICES that electrical power Is much
stronger, cheaper, and more efficient
in the long run than the muscles and
sinews of the human arms and back,
he has not awakened to the wonders
Of the lads"
Sam is a typical specimen of the
new" Chinaman-the product of that
stirring spirit which caused the an
cient empire to become transformed
into a republic In a remarkably short
period, and with the loss of only a
few hundred heads and other incl
dentals.
Sam is wide-awake and alert, ild
in the Mclean slang" he is ION the
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
He Wants a Wife, and Wants Her Double Quick

He is now in Washington, where he
expects to remain until he finds "the
woman" that his aunt told him he
must have before he is entitled to her
money. He has lectured, written, prac.
ticed dentistry and served in the
French army. In a wife he would have
a chum.
Il used to believe in my mothers
view Of marriage-the marriage OF
the eye-but I have come to the view
of the marriage of reason" said Sey.
more. Mother said that marriage
progressed from the stage of catch.
ing, or buying, a woman to the wooing
Of a woman regarded in a nobler
sense, and the winning Of the wife:
Now l feel that the marriage of
the eye is the result of the sentiment
tality of youth and immaturity. Bet
ter is that marriage where the couple
are partners, chums, sharing every
thing alike. i don't believe in the
marriage where the mar has the mon
ey and forces his wife to ask
him for every cent she gets.
Rather, there should be a balance
of power, so that the man and the
woman are on an absolutely equal
footing as regards money, morals,
pleasures and SORROWS"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
In Doubt as to Mr.. Wilson's Mode Of Locomotion

TUST at present Washington Is won
j dering whether it will soon behold
a president Of the United States roll
Ing leisurely by on his bicycle. 1t has
just come out that the president-elect
is fond of that manner Of locomotion'
He has gone on his vacation, and pro-
poses to spend a part Of it riding on
his wheel. He has pedaled over many
miles Of English and continental
roads in this fashion and likes 1t.
Time was when Washington was filled
with eminent men and women awheel,
but they have all vanished save one,
Assistant Secretary Of State A. A.
Adee. He is the permanent assistant
secretary of state. a man who sticks
to his own notions about things. Ev-
cry summer he voyages to Europe and
spends a month or so bicycling to
places Of interest. He and the new
president should establish cordial re-
lations very early.
If as president Gov. Wilson wants
to bike around Washington, he will
not want for good roads. They stretch
in every direction, except toward Vir.
ginia. The secret service men who
guard him, Of course, would also have
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
MlQN&f4RkHI
~AA ~
Feared Nebraska May Succeed Texas as Hoodoo

officers, by the way, that W trod a
bridge, lind some fun with Fighting
Bob Evans, at that time commanding
the Iowa. When the Texas was raised
it was found that in the hull were
thousands of cells that had been suck
ed through the open sea cocks. Know
ing Captain Evans's fondness for cells
Phillips had a lot Of them sent over
to the Iowa. He was somewhat sur
prised a day later to receive a note OF
acknowledgment from his brother Off
Ger. which read: The cells were fine.
Jack; sink her again
at was Jack Phillips, you may re-
member, who. after the great naval
battle of Santiago, when the Spanish
battleships were lying on the shores
Of Cuba smoking from the shot OF the
American ships, solemnly said to his
men: Don't cheer, boys; the poor
devils are dying
Jack Phillips vas n OF the BRAY
est, and at the same time most reiig-
ious, naval officers I vel knew. He
was the direct opposite Of Bob Evans.
but the two we're great friends. The
Texas, you know, was afterwaro
named the San Marcos, and was the
target for gun practice q few months
ago. 1t was q fitting end for a good
old ship that had always been in hard
luck, except at the time when 1t was
most needed. 1 say, | wonder If the
Nebraska is going to take the place
of the Texas as the hoodoo ship OF
the navy?"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19

Of good or evil, anu pdI'iouA'
~ nesti,ance and war. To a poetic eastern peo-
~ - rovered the stars as symbols especially
~ a. tho heavens for the guidance OF men,
comets were undoubtedly awesome VISITORS me
CbaIdeans Persians and Jews were astronomlc-
allv mn more enlightened than the meoiaeVai
Christians. and il at the fall OF Constan.lnopie
in 1853 all Christendom was alarmed al the ap-
pearance of a comet "a comet whlcn we now
know to have been Halley's), 1t Is hlgniy prop
able that the Orient was no less impressed ny
these sudden visitations. Comprising, as 1t does
a nucleus. a coma or envelope surrounding the
nucleus and measuring from twenty thousand
to one million miles in diameter, and a long tan
which streams behind the nucleus for sixty TO
a hundred million miles or more, a comet IS one
of the most mysteriously beautiful celestial APP
partitions that ever meets the eye, But whether
or not the Star of Bethlehem really was such an
apparition no one can affirm with certainty. An
astronomer can merely state that the Idea is not
untenable and that 1t Is less Objectionable than
the conjunction hypothesis.
Lastly, the theory has been proposed that the
Star of Bethlehem was what is called a new"
star or nova" a star which suddenly flares up
in the heavens and fades away again to its
former magnitude after the lapse of weeks or
months. Such new stars are not altogether rare.
Ten appeared between B. G. 1874 and the end OF
the fifteenth century. Since the fifteenth CEN
fury no less than sixteen have been recorded.
In our own time they are discovered with fair
frequency.
Even before the invention OF the telescope
such new stars were studied by astronomers,
Apart from the astronomical, evidence in favor
Of the theory that the Star of Bethlehem was a
nova, POLITICALLY, at least, it seems singularly fit.
ting that a matchless orb blazing forth in sud
den magnifcence should have marked not only
the birth Of a Messiah whose destiny 1t was to
save mankind by his W suffering and to make
this a new world by purging 1t Of evil but also
the birth of a new sun with embryonic planets
wheeling about 1t in shining clouds Of gas and
stellar dust.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19
.BERLINs WEST END
Comforts That May Be Had In
Kurfmstendamm
Section Of eermany's Capital as
Seen In tsf2-Hoteis, Cafes and
Business Buildings All Have
Modern, Equipment.

Berlin.-Our European guide books
are Of little help If we wish to study
the pulsating life of a modern city.
There is in this respect hardly any
difference between the English Muir
ray, the French jeanne or the Bae.
deker made in Germany. They wish
to give us a full list of the old estab-
lished, hallmarked sights to which
frequent illusions may be found in
classical literature or modern fiction,
but omit to take notice Of the latest
actualities. We are still directed by
them to the Friedrichstrasse as the
center of Berlin life. Such 1t was
more than twenty years ago. As late
as ten years ago the whirlpool of
modern life was to be found at the
Potsdamer platz, comparable to Pic
cadilly Circus in London. Nowadays
1t has shifted farther west to the
long and broad avenu called Kur-
furstendamm, says a Berlin CORE
spondent. There we are in the New
West" the upto-date part Of the most
modern Of all European cities. Mod
ern is also the accommodation the
visitor may now find there. The
Boarding Place" that has just been
opened is neither a hotel Of the ac-
customed style nor a boarding house,
but something between the two. If
you ask for a room, a plan is handed
to you, from which you e what &C.
commodation there is, with prices In
serted. If you want lodging for a
week, a fortnight, a month, a year,
the scale goes considerably down in
proportion to the length of your stay,
But with your furnished room you
get also the comfort of dining rooms,
an elegant cafe, a f1rst-class restau-
rant Of the German beer garden
style, and all those conveniences Of
IN American hotel for reading, writ
Ing and passing the time. 1t is a big
building, containing 500 bedrooms, be-
sides the lavishly spacious suites for
general s and the halls for festivi-
ties. We have dwelt on these par
!iculars because they are in bearing
with the character Of this magnificent
~thoroughfare of a new city.
1t Is astonishing how quickly fash
Ionable society has moved into these
quarters, Already now these out
skirts Of the city have developed a
life of their own. Kurfurstendamm is
aow for Berlin life what the Fosse is
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19

to be mounted, but that is only an
incident. They have been accustomed
to following the president on motor
cycles and sometimes in an automo-
bile Of their own. If the new presi.
dent takes to bicycling, however, OFF,
cial Washington will do likewise. That
is a way official Washington has. II
Gov. Wilson goes out much awheel, it
will not be long before ambassadors
and ministers and secretaries and mil
itary attaches will also be pedaling
along the sleeky-oiled roads and
lodging automobiles. Cabinet officials
and congressman will do likewise.
The revival Of bicycling among the
wellto-do may be expected somewhat
all over the country.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-12-19

XT ASHINGTON.-"Naval officers are
w guessing whether the United
State ~battleship Nebraska, which ran
upon an uncharted shoal a short time
ago, is going to take the place of the
Inflated Texas, later named San Mar
cos, which was the hoodoo ship Of
the navy" remarked Captain L. L.
Darbey, a retired naval officer. the
other day. I'll luck pursued the Texas
almost from the beginning, and 1t
seemed that 1t was never out of trou-
bic during all the time it was in COM
mission, except at the battle of San
tiago, where 1t did great work.
Before the Spanish-American war
the Texas while being overhauled at
the Brooklyn navy yard was sunk. be-
cause the Jokes OF its sea cocks were
broken in the course of repairs, and
the water poured in just as II the
boat had been scuttled. The Texas
sank, as everybody knows, and was
raised as loon as possible. 1t was on
that occasion that Captain Jack Phil
lips, one Of the bravest and best naval