The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1912-03-14
Tests Of
Friendship

1t is easy to retain our friends when
things go well with us, but that they
are likely to be driven off by our trou-
bles. This is such an obvious and
cheap Cynicism, 1t has been expressed
in so many tongues, has so often been
crystallized into proverbs or fables the
world over, that it hardly seems worth
repeating. But one notable thing Is
usually overlooked-that 1t does not
apply to friendship at all. 1t applies
only to limitations Of friendship.
It is the very nature Of true friend
ship to thrive best in an atmosphere
of trouble. Assuming that We are sin
drawn so closely TO a friend as when
he is in difficulties and needs us. 1t Is
easy TO be his friend then, because
that is just the condition that friend
ship loves; it is far more difficult 10
be his friend when he is prosperous
and seems to have no need of us.
It may seem that this friendship In
adversely is a very noble thing; GER
tainly there may be much beauty,
much tender self-sacrifice and loving
service in its manifestation. But let
US not flatter ourselves too easily.
The trouble of a friend makes its
appeal to our vanity; We feel that we
are needed, and this is always a graft
flying knowledge We feel that We are
of importance and that is ever a pleas
ure to our self-esteem. But when
everything is we'll with our friend, ap-
parently he has what he wants and
is Independent of us. Naturally, that
is a time when shams of friendship
flourish, for their aim is to get and not
to give; true friendships aim is to
get by giving.
or course the difference in our
friends condition is really only super
fetal; he truly needs our friendship al
ways, as much in prosperity as in trou-
BILE. But we are disconnected by ap-
pearances: if we ever draw away from
him, cool toward him, it is when he is
in the sunshine, not when the clouds
are around him. His prosperity may
ALLEVIATE us; his trouble calls us back
to him. And this fact should cause
us very limited pride. Our attitude
in his prosperity is the real test.
We may therefore say that a mans
prosperity is the greatest trial of his
friends-that is, of his true friends.
1t ought to be true that friendship
shares the joys as well as the sorrows
of life, but in the case Of the Joys the
sharing is more difficult. 1t is not diff
ficult to go about seeking pleasure to-
gether, to travel, to have a good time
together; 1t is not difficult to share
each others love of art or music or
literature or science. Comradeship in
these things may become very close,
very stimulating and satisfying; but
mere comradeship, good fellowship is
not quite enough for friendship.
Can we be truly glad when our
friend is doing better than we are
in any one of these pursuits, when he
succeeds, while, perhaps, we are do
ing poorly, when he wins applause
that is denied US? Is it not easy to
think that his success is a little be-
yond measure and ours is little be-
low? Or II fortune comes to him as 1t
has never come to US; IL riches are
poured into his hands, so that he can
gain whatever money will purchase
and do whatever he has a mind to;
is it then so easy to remain his loyal
and devoted friend, assuming that we
are far above any desire to sponge
upon his wealth? Can we bring our
selves, in proper spirit, to accept his
help instead Of having the proud Joy
Of giving help? Are we not liable to
imagine an air of superiority in him?
Our very self-respect renders US sen
sitive, quick to be hurt, apt to imagine
that his prosperity has changed our
friend for the worst. 1t may be pos
sible that 1t has; which proves that he
never needed our friendship more. For
prosperity is the supreme test Of a
man, because it's tendency is to ener-
vate and weaken; adversely rouses
and rallies all that Is strongest In US.
Selfishly. we like our friend to be
worse off than We are; to be in need
Of our better natures. The good things
cling to us; 1t is merely a perversion
of our better natures. The good things
In US may so easily be wrongly en-
ployed. The true friendship, because
the more unselfish, may be shown
when our friend does not appear to
need US, when he can give to us rath-
er than we to him. 1t is not always
more blessed to give than to receive;
sometimes the position is reversed.
Besides which there are more ways of
giving than one, and the prosperous
friend may really be in sore want of
our sympathy, our tender affection and
counsel; he may also long for our &C.
ceptance Of that which 1t will be a
Joy to him to expend upon us. To
give nobly is very fine thing; It is
an equally fine thing to accept nobly.
1t is easy to be true to our friend
when he is In trouble, when he is
down, when others fly from him, when
others despise and neglect him. The
response to such call is one of
friendships deepest joys. But in times
when We can do nothing for him,
when he makes no claim upon us,
when he is in the sunshine and all
things go well with hint Is then