Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-12-09
~ WALT MASON.

Are YOU the lady OF the house?" in
Quired the polite stranger.
mo. sir, I'm merely the outside guard
and grand keeper OF the records. re-
piled Mrs. Curfew sarcastically. 'The
lady Of the house IN down at the creek
teaching chickens to swim. I'm sick and
tired OF having dissolute strangers come
to this door asking for the lady OF the
house, Just when said lady OF the house
10 busy with her homework. and not in
clined to be pestered. tell YOU I'm plain
language. mister. that We don't want any
cough strip or silver polish at this house.
and the best and wisest thing you can
do IL to dispense TO your several homes
and try to be q nobler and better man.
I'm not selling silver polish or cough
strip or any similar nostrum." said the
stranger. II have a nobler and higher
tive OF the great statesman and friend
OF the people, Albert j. Beverage. who
has devoted the past two years OF his
useful and busy career to the completion
Of q book that should be In every Ameri.
can home. 1t In entitled The Thousand
Recipes for the Happy Housewtfe. with
many beautiful engravings and diagrams.
1t tells how to cook meats. how to dye
old clothes. how to cure the mango, how
to tame ground hogs"
II don't want to tame any ground
hogs. and I'd advise you to make your
self as infrequent as possible before nv
husband comes to the house. for he il
In q bitter mood and carries a large club
for the exclusive benefit OF agents who
have books to sell 1t was last spring
that q degraded man who might have
been your brother. as he had bow legs
just like yours, came to the door selling
volume which gave all the information
under the sun. told how to remove super
fuous hair. and calculate the signs OF
the zodiac. and predict the weather
we're going to have two years from now.
and l don't know what else. My hus-
band was In a generous and friendly
mood at the time. having made an ex-
cellent horse trade with bacon Tolliver.
and he fell into the snare OF the fowler
ever reading IT. which is a dangerous
thing to do.
THE work was to be delivered in two
weeks and sure enough II came on time.
but 10 and behold. there were three vol
few protested that he had ordered only
one volume. and was sorry for having
done 1t. the agent produced the contract
referred to in a previous chapter, and
our emotions may better be imagined
than described when We found that Mr..
Curfew had agreed to purchase a work
In 14S volumes. said volumes to be de-
livered and paid for in monthly INSTALL
ments. Ny husband is a man OF high
and kicked him or the premises and told
him never to darken our door again. But
In two or three hours that loathsome
agent was back with a lawyer on one
SIDE and q constable on the other. and
Mr.. Curfew had to hand over all the
money he got as boot in the horse trade
and borrow 81 from me. said 81 having
been saved up to buy q hat that would
match my green dress.
About once in four weeks that dis
reputable creature comes to this house
with his lawyer and constable. deliver
ing the latest volume OF that work and
demanding his money, and il would melt
heart OF stone to see Mr.. Curfew dig
ging up on such occasions. He grinds
his teeth until they sound like a coffee
mill. and a cold Precipitation streams
down his face. but there's no help for
him. and he'll have to keep on taking
those books and paying for them until
death puts an end to his misery.
He hasn't returned the 81 he borrowed
or me, and every time I ask him for
money he flies into a passion and says
he's straining every nerve to have the
price ready when that agent comes with
another volume, escorted by the lawyer
and the constable. and the pail OF gloom
rests upon this humble abode Yet you
have the egregious nerve to come to this
door asking for the lady of the house
when said lady Is in trouble up to her
collar bone. and you'd better evaporate
before take the mop handle to you"