davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05
BALfKOyA POsTA.

Prvnfho ledna veide v platnos,
noVy zakon zyanS parcels post, Iii
Ii pc 6esky balfkoya posta. Pos.
town. system We spojen} Oh statech
pozdstaya re so. 900 p~ostoyen We
ktergch jest zamestnano 285, 200
lidf a yenkovnf dopravy mali del
ky pres million mil Tim padem
jest to ohromny pr6mysl jednotli-
W. Novy zakon byl pfetfasan "
kongresu jiz pc mnoho let a nej-
vetsf oposice Sc proti nemu kladla
nasledkem domnenky, ze by to
znicilo obchodnfky v malych mes
tech a pracovalo by to Primo do
rukou katalogovych housu Zakon
byl opraven v ten smysl, ze Sc kra
jiny kolem kazde postovny rozds
lily ma pasma (zony) a stfedem
kazdeho zonu jest mistnf posta,
Do prvnfho zonu spada veskera
kraiina ma so mil; druhe pasmo
zahrnuie veskerou krajinu ma $50
tfetf pasmo 800 mil; ctvrte
600 mil; pate tisfc mil; seste 1400
sedme 1800a osme pasmo zahrnu-
ie cele Soustatf a Filipinske ostro-
w. Toto zaffzeni zajiste nemhze
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05
Re zizkova.

V. L. Mrvik byl v 6tert "a OBJ,
ehodem v Yankton.
Pf. Jos. Papfkova d dcera Rosa
byli v Yankton v pondelf.
Jan Horaeek a manzelka byli mi
nulS ctvrtek v Lesteryille ma pos,
vfcenf.
Jos. Zelenka byl v nedeli v
Yankton ma auto S Janem Matus-
kou z Tabora.
.Voitech Novak ma ukonGeni la.
mani korny, %uspofadal ~sousedsk}
vecfrek miuulou sobotu.
Lamanf korny ie jiz ukonGeno a
nynf kazdy je rad Re j vybral "a
sucha beZe snehu. e..
AL. Nedved mattel gesel. PLY
fezal v Gtery dffvi pro Jana Glei-
cha a Louis Michaela.
Richard Celmer, Jan Machaeek,
Jos. G.. Feifar byli v Gtery v
Yankton "a obchodem.
Jan Nayratil a Jos. Dank odeb-
rail- Sc minuly tyden do Ravinia
ma vybfranf korny.. <@.
Gust Papik Sc zdtastnil Vefejn@
drazby divokych konf ma farme
Frank Rislinga vychodne cd Yank
ton. ''".< (
Bratff Brsmsnove, znamf dobfi
stfelci, JED bydli blfzko feky Mis-
souri, ~zastfelili minulou stfedu 2
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05

skoditi malomsstskemu obchodnf
ku nebot CHM dal by byl balfk zas
Ian, tim vic postovneho Sc 2 ne
must platit.
Pod touto dopravou Sc mhze DC
poste zaslati balfk vSzfcf az II Ii
Der, ktery nesmf pfesahovati We
yelikosti 6 stfevfc1. Ma kazd5 ba
hk<jdoucf pc balfkov6 poste Sc mu
ST DAFT zvlastnf kolky, nikoliv O.
byeejne co nynf pouzfvaji. Far
mefi budou mfti tez v5hodu, ze
budou moci zasflati tel i zivou dru
bez, maslo a vejce Oysem jenom
II liber. Rovne& i jin6 vJhody
budou NIT; jake ma pffklad kdyz
budou neco potfebovat, Dude jen
tfeba zavolati obchodnfka We mes
to pc ~telefonu by postal po par
GELS post" tn neb onu vec a nemu-
pro nj sam do mssta. Ndsled-
KEN teto okolnosti dov&zeti posty
patrne budou muset mfti vetsf a
silnejsi vozy. V Nemecku liz,
pres dvacet let mali parcels post a.
tam Sc znamenit9 osv6dGuje. Do
lejsi tabulka sazeb nejlepe obiasnf
vec:
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05
divoke busy vazicf pc 10 liber.

Petr Heina mel dlouhy Gas i'll
ochoeeneho mladeho vlka, tomuto
Sc ale zajetf zdalo asi nemil9, pro;
to& "a nepfftomnosti domacfch Sc
utrhl a utekl ma svobodu i s kusem
fetezem.
Minulou nedeli v 8 hod. dopo-
ledne v Yankton vypukl ohen v
Merchant Hotel a zniGil cel6 spod-
nj vytapenf a jfdelnu. Ohef pow
stal We sklepe z uhlf, ktere Sc "a
nepozornosti samo chytlo, skoda
Sc pacf do $4,000.
Jan Fara, hoch ienz PRAGUE pro
Emilia Papika, chtel Sc onehdy pro
jeti ma malem konfku. Tento
vsak n6jak zakopl a hoch spadl
zrovna ma hlavu a srazil vaz take
z1stal ma miste mrtev-ale ne ma
dlouho, nebot brzy vstal oprasil
prach re satu a jel dal.
Jan Kaiser mi. minuly t5den Re
zal dffvf. Phi jizde chtel smesti
piliny ma strane PLY, nahodou ru!
ka Sc mu smekla a pila zachytla
jeho 3 prsty u lev9 ruky ktere
mu ufizla, he ostali viseti jenom
ma spodni k1zi. DR.. Dan Moore
z Yankton ma jej v osetfovanf ma
nadeji ze mu prsty zachrani.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05

Township "a Ranch 81 v zapadnf
Yankton Go ma pfanf zdejsfch OBJ
cand a Sc svolenfm okresnfch ko-
misard jest nynf Z organisovan,
pode jm6nem Zizkov. Township
Jest skorem cel5 Cechy osazen.
Ufadnfci do pffStf volby jsou u.s.
tanoveni: Jos Svatos, Karel Ned
we'd a Frank Hladk5. Ostatnf
1fednfci budou zvoleni phi pffstf
volb9, ktera Sc Dude odb5vati ma
jafe.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05

am offering some big bargains in the shape Of overcoats,
suits, underwear. flannel shirts; caps, mittens etc. It will pay
you to come early and get the choice of my large assortment.
Look At these big values. Flannel shirts with either military Or
regular collar al sizes for $l.25, $1.75, $500 s2.5 worth at least
70 per cent in your home town. Separate fur muskrat collars
for S4.75 worth $3.50 everywhere. Union suits either fleece
Ined Or ribbed IN either wool or cotton for s1.oo $15o, $500
500 % 5000 sizes from "a to 43. Caps fur lined all sizes for
5oc, 75c S1.oo. Sheep lined mule skin duck coats, leather trim
med pockets, WHISTLES, buckles and II inch fur collar for SIS so
worth $3.50: Galloway black fur coat worth 5000 everywhere
my price only $500. Coon skin trimmed coats worth $500
$4,000 Fur lined overcoats with pure wool st. George kersey
shell, for $25 90 $4,000.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05

Dam $50 odm6ny tomu, jenz
prozradf zlod6je, kter5 mi ukradl
novS, dvouradlien5 Moline pluh
ma mem pozemku Is list. Albert
Kortan, Tabor, S. d (Adv.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05

Ma zaGatku zafi Sc mi ztratila
belohuba ~ialovice a billy roGnf By
eek. Kdo by o Mich vsdel necht
mi laskav6 oznamf. Gust. Kota-
lfk. (Adv.)
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05

Sebral jsem Gervenou jalovici a
MATTEL j obdrzf pc zaplacenf Il
trat II t6to oznamky. Jan Hora-
eek, Lakeport. Adv.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05

Slovo ''mfstne" znamena We mes
ts a pc venkovnf doprave z tehoz
mesta. Pffkladn6 kterykoliv far
mer iemuz Sc dovdzf posta pc mex
tere zdejsf route, 2 Tabora, kdyz
by 81 neco objednal z mesta Tabo-
ra, dostane neinizsf dopravu nebot
patrf postou k Taboru. Kdyby
ale 81 to objednal z Wagner ktere
nenf vzdaleno cd Tabora so mil a
tudfz ieste patti do zonu Tho, mu-
sci by platit o neco vic "a balfk te
same vahy. Druhy ptfklad: Del
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05

Kdc ztrAtil svazek klfGG ma ces-
te u Jana Kudrny. necht Sc pfi-
hlasf v ufadovne independent.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05

me tomu ze farmer ienz je ma zde!
81 route nekter6 objednaI by 81 z
Tabora II liber cukru. Stale by
JeI to Is centd v postovnem. Kdy
by 81 jej objednal z Yankton pla-
til by 35c; re Sioux City, ktere
jiz patti do zonu pho, by platil 46;
z Chicago, ktere patti do zonu 4ho
by platil Csc "a ten sam5 balfk.
Postmistr ma kazd6 post6 obdr-
II mapku, jak ma zony jest terito-
rie,kolem takoveho mesta rozdele-
ma.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1912-12-05

Poland China plemenaGi ma pro-
del. Pedigree 5 kazd5m. Josef
Rada, Scotland, Route 2. adv.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
Rreakinn Il TO John.

There are various ways, polite and
otherwise, of intimating to late stay
ing friend that he is exceeding the
time limit, but perhaps the most unique
Of these is that which originated in
the fertile mind Of a Washington man.
Not long ago he had a relative in
town, good fellow, but a bit Of
bore, for he never seemed to know
when to go back to his hotel. The
Washingtonian and his wife were most
patient with him, but one evening the
host felt that the case required dras-
tic treatment. Accordingly, when II, II
and o'clock had passed and the visi-
tor showed no signs of leaving, the
host, with an affected air of great con-
sideration. turned to his wife and said:
"Marie, dear, hadn't we better get
up to bed? Cousin John may want to
be going. g."-Lippincott's Magazine.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
HUMOR OF TIE DAY
A Boston PeOrOOf.

A well known educator tells Of
school of advanced ideas in Boston
wherein no pupil is ever punished in
any way, the individuality of every
child being held too sacred for repres-
sion.
One day, it appears, soon after her
entrance into this school one little girl
came home with face wet with tears
and her mouth covered with blood.
The mother was greatly alarmed
and, taking the child into her arms,
asked what had happened.
The story Of what had happened was
sobbcd out to the sympathetic mother.
One Sammy Parker, 1t seemed, had
struck the little girl and knocked out
q couple ef teeth
When the unfortunate youngster had
been restored to equanimity her IA
ther. who had in the meantime put in
an appearance, naturally enough want
cd to know how the teacher had dealt
with Sammy.
'She didn't do anything"
"Well, what did she say?
"She called Sammy to her desk and
said, Samuel, don't you know that
was very antisocialF "-Harper's Mag
Azine.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
HUMOROUS QUIPS
Her Report.

l have been to suffragist meeting
And heard Mrs. Solomon speak
She's a perfect delight.
And | know that she's right.
Every word that she said bears rCpeatln.
There's dimplc just here in her chee
She Is slender AID fair and quite pretty
And not over thirty. | guess.
With a retrousse nose
And a wonderful pose.
! am going to Join her committee
She is surely an artist in dress
The crowd? There was standing roorr
only.
They gave her unstinted applause
She made quite hit
With her logic and wit
The only man there looked so lonelyl
Yes. I'm a convert to the cause.
She wore Partisan creation.
She said? I've forgotten all that.
But I'm sure II was true.
And the ballots our due.
It's deniars a real deprivation
She wore such love of a hat!
Chicago News
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
The Meek Recruit.

II was at the target practice of the
local company of territorials. and ono
of the officers was suitably holding
forth on the matter in hand.
Sauntering swaggeringly up to the
latest recruit, he said:
"See here. my man. this thing is "a
rifle. Here is the barrel. there the
stock You slip the cartridge in here
The company was becoming exceed
ingly interested.
"Now," continued the officer. "you
put the weapon to your shoulder
These little things on the barrel ar
the sights. When you have taken uc
curate aim pull this little thing. which
is the trigger"
The company began to smile.
Nov, remember what l have toit
you Smarter up and look more like
soldier" went on the captain, seek
ing to make further impression. ''BJ
the way, what is your business? :
clerk. supposed"
mo, SIR" came the reply; "I am only
gunsmith London Answers.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
Hoots From a Wise Owl.

There are never any deductions from
the wages Of sin. They are paid in
full.
A joke is not necessarily a crazy one
because it is cracked.
In some grades of society it is the
impossible person who is the most
probable.
In courtship many a man fails to
land on his feet until he has fallen on
his knees
Speaking of oratory, did you ever OBJ
serve that the telephone book is full Of
ringing s?-Judge.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
The Bench's Distinction.

A long winded attorney was arguin;.
technical case before one of the
judges Of the superior court in a west
ern state. He had rambled on in such
desultory way that it became very
difficult TO follow his line of thought
and the judge had just yawned very
suggestively.
With just trace Of sarcasm in his
voice the tiresome attorney ventured
to observe, II sincerely trust that | an
not unduly trespassing on the time OF
this court"
MY friend" returned his honor
there is a considerable difference be
tween trespassing on time and en-
croaching upon eternity. y."-Lippincott't
Magazine.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
THE Poem that Made Edwin Markham Famous
THE MAN WITH THE HOE.
IBy Edwin Markham.I


lowed with the weight OF centuries he leans
Upon his hoe and gazes the ground,
The emptiness of ages in his face,
And on his back the burden of the world.
VINO made MIN dead 10 rapture ana despair,
A thing that grieves not and that never hopes
Solid and stunned, Brother to the OK?
Who oosened and let down his brutal jaw?
Whose the hand that santed back this brow?
Whose breath blew out the light within this brain?
Is this the Thing the Lord God made and gave
To have dominion over sea and land;
To trace the stars and search the heavens for power
To feel the passion of Eternity?
Is this the Dream He dreamed who shaped the
And pillared the blue armament with light?
Down all the stretch OF He'll to its last gulf
There is shape more terrible than this
More tongued with censure of the worlds blind greed
More filled with signs and portents for the soul
More fraught with menace to the universe
What CULTS between him and the seraphm!
Slave of the wheel of labor, what of him
Are Plato and the swing of Pleiades?
What the long reaches of the peaks of song,
The rift of dawn, the reddenng of the rose?
Through this dread shape the suffering ages look;
Times tragedy is in that aching stoop;
Through this dread shape humanity betrayed
Plundered profaned and dsinherited,
Cries protest to the Judges of the World,
protest that is also prophecy.
masters. lords and rulers in all lands,
Is this the handiwork you give to God,
This monstrous thing distorted and soul quenched?
How will you ever straighten up this shape;
Give back the upward look and the light;
Rebuild in it the music and the dream;
Touch it again with immort City;
Make right the immemorial infamies,
Perfdious wrong immedcable woes?
o masters, lords and rulers in all lands
How will the Future reckon with this Man?
How his brute question in that hour
When whirwinds of rebellion shake the world?
How will it be with kingdoms and with kings
With those who shaped him to the thing he is
When this dumb Terror shall reply to God
After the silence of the centuries?
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
The California Brand.

Colvin Brown told of the California
brand of optimism. An old negro, he
said, had been kicked in the head by
a mule. AS soon as he got up he went
right back to the mule. He approach
ed the danger end.
Keep away from that mule, nigger."
called his boss. He'll hurt you"
"That mules all right, Mr.. Brown"
said the negro. ut stan's to reason
no mule got more than one kick like
that in him. ."-Cincinnati Times-Star.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
Seemed Aristocratic,

''They say Bert Holly married be
meath him"
IF he did his wife must be an aw-
full fbber. l called on her yesterday.
and she told me that she didn't know
a thing about cooking, that she had
never learned to sew or do any kind
of housework and that she wouldn't
think Of recognizing her cook on the
street or In a ore."-Chicago Tribune
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

We are not susceptible to seasickness
and We are decidedly apathetic about
pleasantries on that theme, but we do
wish that newspapers would cease to
speak of societies holding dinners"
1t suggests too much.-New York Mail.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
Charmed!

Householder-By Jove, real bur-
Glar! l say, just wait minute, will
you?
Burglar-While yer call copper I
don't think!
Houstholder-No. Only while l call
my wife. She's heard you every night
for twenty years, and it'll be a real
pleasure to her to see you at last
Bystander.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

The north wind doth blow, and we shall
have snow,
And what will the iceman do then. poor
thing?
Lest his lot be too hard, he will start a
coal yard
And gouge the consumer again, poor
thing
-Lippincott's Magazine.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Kicking is bad policy. Behold the
mule. Kicking never gets him any
where" THAT is exactly why the
mule kicks" "Eh" "He doesn't
want to get anywhere e"-Birmingham
Age Herald.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
Why He Wanted II.

Cant you gimme small raiser
1--WE gave you raise when you got
married"
"And foolishly told my wife about
1t. Ia hike to get hold of a couple OF
dollars every week for my own use."-
Kansas City Journal.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

"Bliggins' friendship seems to fatter
you"
1T doesn't fatter me-" said the cyni-
cal statesman, but it encourages me.
He is one of those people who never
trouble themselves to be affable ex-
cept to those who are regarded as liza
bic to have some pull." Washington
Star
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Desk Sergeant-What did you put
that fortune teller out of business for7
Police Inspector-She a humbug.
tried to find out from her what had
become Of the diamond pin | lost the
other day, and she gave me the wrong
steer.-Chicago Tribune.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
So Rude of Him,

Mrs. Jigsaw (of a literary turn
william, what is the feminine syn
onym for "fraternalT
Bachelor Brother-I don't know OF
one, Ginevra, that exactly fills the
bill "Catty," though not really cog
nate, Is perhaps the only available
word you can use truthfully. st.
Louis Times.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Lets drop in this restaurant 'Oh.
| don't believe care to eat anything"
well. come in and get new hat for
your old one, anyway. st. Paul Pho
neer-PresS.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
Rebellion.

"You dare to criticise my gowns"
exclaimed Mrs. Flimgilt.
well" replied her husband reso-
lutely, "after hearing you refer to your
pet bulldog as a perfect beauty I'm in
clined to rely on my own judgment."-
Chicago Journal
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

al understand they are going to re-
wise the football rules right away"
Yes. They all agree there should be
an entirely new assortment of acci-
dents. ."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Crawford-How's your mining ven-
ture getting on?
Skinnem-First rate. 1 never imag-
ined we had such a good mine until
read the prospectus we issue.-Lippin-
colts Magazine.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
Honest MiIkman.

The Lady-How much milk does the
old cow give day Tom?
Tom-About eight quarts, ma'am.
you s'il?
Tom-About twelve quarts, ma'am.-
Sketch.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
His Plea.

Judge-Prlsoner, have you anything
further to add to your defense?
PriSoner-All that I ask you to con-
slider. your honor, is the extreme youth
Of nv counsel.-Los Angeles Herald
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Reggie-Why do you envy Gladys so7
Peggy-She is happily married and has
two Of the dearest little toy dogs you
ever saw.-Puck.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Teacher (class in geographyl-Bobby,
what are the principal feeders Of the
Mississippi river?
Bobby 49, Catfish. ma'am. - Chicago
Tribune.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

The teacher sighed, 81 would that
In discipline might e'er approach
The fond obedience rendered by
My pupils to the football coach!'
Washington Star.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Settlement Worker Here, herei
What are you swearing at that little
boy for? New York Kid-Aw, I'm
teaching him English! He jist come
over-Puck.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

In days of old. when knights were bold,
They dressed in mail complete.
When breezes cold blew Ger the void
They must have had cold feet.
Milwaukee Sentinel
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

A five foot shelf of books he got.
Somehow his courage fiinches,
For, though he much admires the lot,
He hasn't read three inches.
Washington Star.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
His Immunity,

Towne-My wife's doing her own
cooking now.
Browne-Well, you don't seem to
mind it.
Towne-No; l say she's doing her
own cooking. l get mine done at n
restaurant.-Catho Standard and
Times.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

"How is it never hear ycu speak OF
your old college daysT
Well, the college / went to didn't
have very good football team
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

"Did you get any of that bargain
ribbon?" Yes" answered the college
girl proudly. 81 buckcd The line for
ten yards Purple Cow.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

"A fireman is no spark for me-
The words were pretty Names
81 could't keep the lad, you see.
Away from other flames"
Boston Transcript.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

"Poor Jane is in despair"
"Whats the matirr with Jane"
"Why, she has just begun to realize
that she's too fat for an actress ana
aot fat enough for pgimn DONNA
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Carsone-Who was it said deeds
speak louder than words?" Gebhardt
Must have been real estate agent
Satire
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

This world is but fleeting show
For mans Illusion given"
We have TO coax the weaker sex.
Because II won't be driven.
Houston Post
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

The college songs are full of glee,
The singers voices rare and clear
They sing SO high we cannot see
And then so low we cannot hear!
Buffalo Express.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Everything must some day come to
an end"
Il guess you've never had a woman
start a talk with you over the phone"
pittsburgh Press.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Mrs. A.-Your husband always dress.
es so quietly.
Mrs. Bile does not. You ought to
hear him when he loses a collar button.
Milwaukee News.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

King Arthur had just invented the
round table.
Fine" we cried, "but can you in
vent one where nobody gets the chick
en- neck 2"-New York Sun.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Wigwag-Did you see anything ex-
traordinary on your trip abroad?
Guzzler-NO; wasn't seeing things.
limited myself strictly to ten drinks
ay.-Philadelphia Record.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
A Calamity.

my son, remember this-marrying
on a salary has been the salvation OF
many a young man"
IL know, dad. But suppose my wife
should lose her salary T-Tit-Bi
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
The Explanation.

Maryland they found her walking
the streets in her underwear
Alice-A somnambulist. of course.
Mary-No; simply woman with no
one in the house to button her up
Harper's Bazaar.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
In Memoriam.

What have you got in that locket
Lisette"
"A lock of my husbands hair"
But he's still alive"
"Yes, but he hasn't any hair now."-
Fliegende Blatter.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16
Or Assessments7

Babies are the coupons clipped from
the bonds Of matrimony.-Satire.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Miss Oldgirl has volunteered to sell
kisses"
"Wellr'
"You are appointed to persuade her
to sell fancy work instead. We must
positively make some money out Of
this bazaar" r"-Philadelphia Telegraph
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

'Tis sweet to love. but, oh. how sour
To love girl with scanty dover!
Judge.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

When Handel had insomnia
In place Of counting sheep
He wrote a lullaby and so
Composed himself TO sleep.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

Blobbs-Guzzler is an internal slep-
tic. He says he believes only half he
sees.
Slobbs-Oh. well, Guzzler generally
sees double anyhow. Philadelphia Rec
ord.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1912-02-16

"EurOpe holds lot or our stocks and
bonds"
Invests her cash with us, eh?"
Not much cash. Gets most of 'em
by marriage. e."-Washington Herald.