The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1912-02-21

"EAT1N' ABOUT SEVEN BIG RAW TURN1Ps.'
inform you dat Brudder Asbestos Sly
will be wild us no mo- in dis hall. He
can't he, for he am dead and buried.
"Brudder Asbestos jined dis club nine
years ago. While he nebber forged
brought his dog wild him nor spit on de
red hot stove.
HE nebber arrived at de pint whar
he could make a speech on any quas-
ton, but on de contrary he ginerally
went to sleep at once and was not a
disturbing influence.
"He nebber had any money to lend.
but on de contrary he would allus
speak de truth and was nebber cotched
wild de chickens On him.
HE "a slow to anger. but when he
did git mad he tore down things and
den went his even way ag'in.
E~xonerated.
ION two different occashuns widin de
past five years l have ariz at midnight
to find a niger in my truck patch dig
gin up my taters. AS l got nearer l
recognized dat niger as Asbestos Sly.
but both times, after swattin' him wild
a club. I found dat he was walkin' in
his sleep and unconscious Of his acts.
I'm politics he was liberal. If he
could git 50 for voting for a sartin
candidate he wouldn't take two. He
didn't seem to keer much who was
president, and he nebber sought an Of
fee. He believed dat de Office should
seek de man instead, and OATS whar
he fell down. He might have libed a
thousand years widout an Office comm
around and begg1n' him to fill 1t.
Asbestos died after eatin' about
seven big raw turnips, but Jest whar
dose turnips cum from will nebber be
known to smirch his record as an
honest man. When he went out Of an
evenin' to approach an object he allus
walked backward. and If de police hit
his train he was safe.
Il am not gwine to cr1ticise de dead
and gone about de turnips, but simply
to say to you dat when cooked wild a
ten pound chunk of con beef de ban
+ Quet am above reproach or danger.
His Independence.
Asbestos rented no box at de post
Office, and neither did he carry a cane
or wear pink s~uspenders. AS you saw
him n day you would find him de
next. He had de strength of his con-
victions and allus wore a straw hat
in winter and a catskin cap in sum-
mer. He contended dat it shortened
de seasons by two weeks. In dis con-
nexshun I have heard men call him
both crazy and wise.
"Our departed brother nebber pat
ronized a quick lunch place. He want
ed at least three minutes in which to
eat his dinner.
Oar was times when he would sot
on de fence and argy Biblical queshuns
by de hour, and dar was odder times
when you couldn't git a word outer
him. It used to puzzle me at first, but
bimeby l cotched on and gave him due
credit. He didn't propose to make a
Tool of himself twice in de same week.
$50 far as I knowed him, Brudder
Sly didn't long to be a millionaire. Glib
hin plenty O bacon and taters and de
bread could be left out widout any
k!ckin'. He was slow about payin'
his rent, but he made up for it in neb.
Der AKIN de landlord for repairs.
A DON'T Worryite.
He used to be faithful in his attend. 4
ance at camp meetin's and was de
same about de circus. Whether one
appealed to him mo- dan de odder I
can't say. but he allus looked happy
when either performance was over.
"Brudder Asbestos was not an untir- 4