The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1912-01-25
~ ESTHER GRIFFIN WHITE.

~ ESTHER GRIFFIN WHITE.
"You know the Bible enumerates the
way or q man with q maid a. one OF
the mysteries" said the cynic blowing
cigarette smoke toward the ceiling.
But 1t doesn't say anything about
the way OF a maid with a man." said
the other person.
Possibly because 1t isn't mys.
terry" grinned the cyDic.
II read some horrid statistics the
other day about cigarette smokers
said the other person. 1T said that
this country consumed ninety-nine bill
lion. eight hundred and fifty million.
ton thousand, six hundred and firty-
five and eight-tenths cigarettes
year,"
And consider the starving Chinese"
murmured the cynic.
TN sorry I gave you that case for
Christmas" said the other person"
I'm determined not to encourage any
body in such expensive habits any
more. Just think of the money you
might have given to the Y. M. c. A."
when start out to be philanthro-
pic" said the cynic, I'm going to build
this town An opera house. I'm going to
have q law passed saying that chairs
must be at least six inches apart and
that any theater that causes its pat
rops to double up their legs like
jack.knife with consequent injurious
results to the anatomy will be con-
demned and sold for old junk"
"And have another law passed pro-
hibiting tanitors OF theaters to fire up
with special zeal under the pipes that
end in registers beneath the seats"
Except in zero weather." said the
cynlc.
However" he went on. there will
be no use referring to these antede-
luvian methods of heating. My theater
will have the latest improvements. I'll
tell you what I'd like to do." said the
cynic. I'D like to buy up all that part
Of the square between Eighth and
Ninth streets that abuts on the alley
running north and south and extends
to the first alley running at right
angles and clear 1t off and build a
theater."
8lW0y0 uAc 0Outo o0Au SAO VSnOA
person. 1T sounds 80 official-like
the plans were all drawn up and open
for inspection"
"And then" continued the cynic
clasping his knees. ''I'd put up a thea
ter OF white marble designed by the
greatest architects in the country. I'd
have celebrated artists decorate its in
terior, which would seat three thous-
and people. I'd endow It % that the
highest price seat would never be
over fifty cents and I'd have the most
celebrated theatric and operatic Or
ganixations ON the market stop off in
this town."
"Talk about pipe dreams!" interpo-
lAted the other person. :
"1'd have promenade and supper
room and landscape approaches and
ming dress-like the English theaters
THAT 10 in certain parts Of the
house.
I'D. have the Metropolitan here
every year.
"And Bernhardt.
And John Drew.
And Eva Tanguay.
'.And I'd invite Hammerstein out for
the opening to show him there were
others.
"And real estate would boom.
sAnd the tracks would be taken out
Of the Glen.
"And Somebody would run the water
works.
And maybe we'd have new street
cars.
"You can't do it all.'' said the other
person. "l'd buy the corner of Eighth
and Main and make q park out Of It.
For the tired policeman to cit in and
where the .interurban shopper could be
at rest"
"Then." interrupted the cynic, I'D
have statues erected Of all the city
council and the ex.mayors-"
"Ex.mayors" interrogated the other
person.
"Why. certainly-nothing odd about
that 10 there!"
N"lsn't that funny!" said the other
person. n didn't know there ever were
such things ~ ex.mayors-I thought
they were always mayors"
(which goes to show that you aren't
TT for tho franchise" said the cynic.
I'VE haven't got any royal family"
.Yoh ought to deliver lecture on
civics," uaid the other person. II know
people living right here in Richmond
who think the mayoralty Is vested
with divine right"
That's according to what party you
belong and in which year you were
born" said the cynic. But what'd you