davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Swift's Joke on Partridge.

Partridge. the almanac maker, who
taught old Moore his business, will be
remembered as the victim of an ex-
traordinary practical joke played on
him by Dean Swift
Against Partridge's almanac for 170S
the dean published rival almanac,
predicting Partridge's death on March
20, about II at night, Of raging fever,
And on March 30 appeared a pam
phlet giving an account Of the alma
nae makers death, with his confession
that he was an impostor This was
followed by Swifts "Elegy on the
Death Of Mr.. Partridge which so
completed the deception that the Sta
toners company struck Partridge OFF
the rolls and applied for an injunction
against the publication Of almanacs in
his name.
Partridge advertised that he twas
not only alive, but was also alive upon
March 90" But no one believed him.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

right angles indicated the coming of a
sfoop; one arm upright said that a
schooner was seen; both arms ut right
angles was the signal for brig; one
arm at right angles and the other up
right meant full rugged ship, and
both arms upright announced the APP
proach Of side wheel steamer. They
were playing melodrama at the opera
house John Mccullough was the hero.
He rushed upon the stage with both
arms appraised and exclaimed, what
is this?" Half a dozen gallery gods
shouted in chorus. "Side wheel steam
err" and McCullough's subsequent hero
les produced dcrision from the audi
ence.-Los Angeles Times.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Wanted Ills Money Back.

A young man had taken his wife to
show. and as there was no one TO look
,fter the baby they had brought II
,long. 1t cried Justify all through the
irst act. At the close OF the act an
Usher came down the aisle and in
formed them that II they could not
Keep the baby quiet they would have
10 go TO the box office. get their money
back and 90 out.
They succeeded In squechng the
baby. and all went well for time.
Then, five minutes after the last
act had commenced. the young father
Ieaned over and said. "How do you like
he shown
"Rottenr was the reply.
He was silent for moment. and
then, leaning over again, he whispered
"Stick pin In the baby."-Eyery-
oody's.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Not A SomnaubuIist.

Booth Harrington, the American
playwright and novelist, is a very early
riser, and when the English playwright
and novelist Arnold Bennett visited
him nj his charming residence in In.
dianapolis Mr. Harrington said the
first evening ut dinner:
Il believe in the simple life. get
up with the sun. win you take ten
mile walk with me at o'clock tomor.
row morning."
THANK you, Mr.. Harrington" the
Englishman answered. but | don't
walk in my sleep
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

"The biggest surprise | ever got in
ny business" said ventriloquist.
was in England when playing at a
little theater in the outskirts of Lon.
don.
when came on the stage l threw
my voice up in the rafters and inquired
What are you doing up thereY To
my surprise small voice answered.
I came here to see the people and hear
the music Very WE'LL said l; stay
there and don't let any one see you :"
Then | bowed to the audience amid
!hunderous applause. Columbus Dis
patch.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
IL Wasn't a Dream,

Archbishop Thompson was greatly
surprised when he was given the arch
diocese Of York. He had been suffer
ing acutely from toothache and upon
medical advice had resorted to mar
cotics. After particularly bad night
he set out for his doctor, though his
wife had hesought him not to submit
to further tics, as after them he
was mot himself" for some hours. On
the way he met the postman, who
handed him letter announcing his
preferment from Gloucester to York.
He rushed back and burst excitedly
into the house, the toothache all for
gotten. Zoe, Zoe" he cried, what
do you think has happened? I am
archbishop Of York; There, what
did tell your rejoined his wife.
you've been taking that horrible mar
cotic again and are quite out Of your
head"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

mander of battleships with his own
hands ripped off the old frayed band
and sewed on a new one. Then he took
1t to his wife. She was greatly moved.
thanked him, kissed him and left the
room.
Presently she came back, her arms
laden with garments.
Here are a few more for you. dear
est" she said. But please don't hurry
about them Just fix thea whenever
you have time"
And she put seven petticoats on the
chair beside her dazed husband
Youths Companion.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
SPOILED A GOOD SCHEME.
~ Pet. Had Only Had His Own Way II
Mat Have Won.

Grand Central Pete was a noted
bunko steerer of the old days. but he
sould neither read nor write. Once
he fell upon hard times, aud he and a
younger but equally luckless conf
dcnce man undertook to beat their
way on a freight train TO Washington.
A brakeman kicked them or at Tren-
ton.
IL was getting late. and neither OF
them had a cent. Across the tracks
from where they had landed was a
GOOD looking hotel. and right next
door was an express Office. Grand
Central Pete had an idea. he went
into the express office. borrowed one
Of the large manila envelopes such as
are used for transporting currency.
filled the envelope with pieces Of
newspaper cut TO the size Of bank
notes and sealed 1t carefully.
Now. then" he said TO his partner.
"you take your fountain pen and write
on the back of that envelope $4,000.
Then well go over to that hotel and
explain that we've lost our baggage,
and I'll hand this envelope to the
clerk and ask him TO lock II In the
safe He'll look at the figures on the
back. and he'll take us for mOneyed
guys and give US rooms and grub un.
I'll we eau raise a stake.
The scheme sounded good TO the
younger man. He got out his pen and
obeyed orders. Grand Central Pete
took the envelope back in his hands
and examined it carefully.
Does that say So.000:" he demand
ed.
yep" said his partner.
well, it don't look big enough tC
me-" said Pete. You'd better add or
some more Of them naughts"
The younger con man protested, but
Pete would have his way and kept
after him until the educated one hac
tackled on three more naughts, making
the grand total $9000,O0O.
Then Pete marched grandly over t
the hotel. registered for himself and
his friend. passed the stuffed envelope
across the desk TO the clerk and called
| for the bridal suit.
The clerk took one look at the en-
velope. another look Mt the soiled faces
and shabby apparel of the newcomer
and rang the bell for the house
bouncer. A minute later the discom
flied pair were sitting on the side
| walk.
Grand Central Pete raised himsel
painfully and eyed his companion will
| scornful. angry glance.
There. nowr' he shouted. Il toll
you you hadn't wrote enough Of then
naughts." Philadelphia Saturda.
Evening Post.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

c. A. Glossner, "a Ontario St.,
Rochester, n. Y, has recovered from a
long and severe attack of kidney trouble,
his cure being due to Foley Kidney Pills,
After detailing his case, he says al
am only sorry | did not learn sooner OF
Foley Kidney Pills. In few days time
my backache completely left me aud /
felt greatly improved. My kidneys be-
came stronger, dizzy spells left me
aud was no longer annoyed at night,
| feel hundred per cent better since
using Foley Kidney Pills".-John W,
Thurston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

A blank crop report was sent out by
Cleveland paper for the farmers to
fill out. and one of them came back
with the following written on the
blank side In pencil: IAN we've got
In this neighborhood is three widders
two schoolma a patch Of wheat
the hog cholera. too much rain. about
ffty acres Of taters and durn fool
who married cross eyed gal because
she owns eighty sheep and a mule
which the same is me. and no more al
present"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
I analed.

~ am at home TO no one except MIR.
Brown" said the lady to her new
maid Now. be sure to remember
that"
She stayed at home all the afternoon,
but nobody was announced. Then she
sent for the girl.
Didn't anybody calf" she asked i'm
patiently.
Eyes, ma'am-fve gentlemen. An
! told 'em all that you wasn't home to
anybody but Mr. Brown. an they all
went away, ma'am."
"You idiot! You have alienated all
my friends by your stupidity Didn't
any Of the gentlemen leave any mes.
sageT'
"Yessum. After I'd said it four
times / got 1t mixed up, an guess
told the last gentleman that you was
home to everybody but Mr.. Brown"
"Well-and what did he say?"
HE says, 'Ha-I'm Brown! an then
he turned around an run Off jes' like
the rest Of cleveland Plain
Dealer
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
TESTED tt HITS.


Experiments Th-t c-g'>-t9 Prove the
insects tssss i-s"-Ssy.
Experiments Hts %. i;.....ily being
mace to test the memory Of nnlmnlS
Iuch Us the eiep,a.ul The dog. the bull.
tut il would Sopu IhauSic>s under
taking 10 ascertain whesiirr the ant has
memory NeVsTi hr,ess IA scientist In
Eouth America th.aAs he has succeed
81
lsolaung two Of the largest speci'
mens of tropical aui he could end. lie
30 arranged their receptacle that they
,ouid get no food without climbing
over a circular slant into another com
partment. over this slant when the
food was not there he placed a crimson
ord. aud the ants very soon learned TO
interpret the signal and never attempt
al TO climb over 1t.
Thinking after time that there
might be something In the color that
repelled them automatically, as the
lull is affected unplcasantly by red. he
replaced the red cord by cords OF vary
.ng colorS. always with the same result
after the ants had made a few eXcur-
sions over the slant and come back
hungry. Then he tried plain cloth and
even paper. but the result was invarl'
ably the same After u number oil
rails the ants refused TO climb the
slaut when there was any sort OF sig
| lal."
Finally the scientist reversed the sig
nal. having food beyond the slant only
when 1t was visible, and after an inn
! nlte number of trials the ants accom-
modated themselves to the change
Harper's Weekly.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
A Robust Babe.

Sir John Richard Robinson in his
Fifty Years of Fleet Street" tells OF
an amusing incident during the visit OF
the Swat deputation from the Trans.
vaal to England at the close of 1894
''rhe Swat braves went to Windsor
and had an audience of her majesty
Queen Victoria. They were very gra-
ciously received. One Of their number
began to speak. and an Interpreter fol.
lowed him phrase by phrase. We come,
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
"HERE HE is p

o great mother, he said, to bring tc
you our babe. Take him. O mother, tC
Thy knees; fold him to thy breast Here
the queen half frightened, exclaimed;
But where is the child? | don't see
him. Where is he?' Here. . mother
said the Swat gravely, at the same
time bringing forward u big black
about six feet high and weighing well
over 200 pounds. He Is here.'"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Home-miSed Fertilizer 81.
Cheapest and Best

Practically all farmers -.
given HON" mixing a tioHrI 3D..
convinced that this Is hy fr..
economical and -a'i.iaci boz -....
purchasing fertilizers If,ar r..
~ v""r name on a postal earl -...
quest therefore, W. viii ,-rf
postpaid leaflets which ai,-.-
ions It many successful iarm-.. .....
aud neighboring stales r-e,r....
mixing We will also ,..rfa BOD.
of formulas which were uar..r. &C.
by the Director Of the V-uu..
men' Station aud which bav- I...
by many farmers 10 V-uuu. ...
eellent success. We ailI r... ........
directions Tor mixing fsr..z.-.....
20 all the crops commoaiy rr..i
Vermont farms.
CARROLL S PACE. lynn Pam. r.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Curious Power Of Charcoal.

1t has been found that the power OF
charcoal to absorb gases Is vastly In
creased at very low temperatures. so
that it can be employed for exhaust
ing incandescent lamp bulbs and
Crookes tubes and also for separating
mixed gases Experiment has shown
that at the freezing point of water and
II normal atmospheric pressure one
gram of charcoal absorbs four cubic
,entimeterS OF hydrogen and eighteen
cubic centimeters OF oxygen, but that
At 49, degrees centigrade. the temper
lture Of boiling air. one gram OF char
,oal ahsorbS l35 cubic centimeters OF
hydrogen and 250 cubic centimeters of
oxygen. When several gases are mix
I'd the charcoal absorbs some OF them
much more freely than others. 30 that
by multiplying the operation gases
IAN be separated from mixtures In suf-
icient quantity for industrial uses
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Lacking Improvements.

Tim Hurst, the prize fight referee,
was formerly an umpire in the big
leagues. He was behind the bat one
day and the catcher took exceptions to
Tins judgment Of pitched balls.
One came whining over that the
catcher thought should have been call
ed strike.
"Ballw stated Tim.
Look here, Mr.. Umpire" said the
catcher, "that plate has got corners on
itr'
"Yes, son." said Tim, "but 1t amt got
bay windows on itv'
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
A Cold, La Grippe, Then Pneu-
monia

Is too often the fatal sequence, and
coughs that hang on weaken the system
aud lower the vital resistance. Foley's
Honey and Tar Compound is a reliable
medicine that stops the cough promptly
by healing the cause soothes the infiam-
ed air passages, and checks the cold. Keep
always on hand. Refuse substitutes
John W. Thurston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Backache Almost Undesirable

Is an almost certain result Of kidney
trouble. D. Tooney, SOB +. Olive St,
Bloomington, H., says: ii suffered with
backache and pains in my kidneys which
were almost uubearahle. ! gave Foley
Kidney Pills good trial, and they did
wonders for me. Today can do hard
pays work and not feel the effects -
John w. Thurston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
TALK TO YOUR HORSE.
II Will Make the Animal Moro Intslli-
gent and More Friendly.


gent and More Friendly.
Talk TO your horse and teach him to
obey your voice AS well as the reins.
This may prove valuable II. as some
times happens. the llues break or be-
come unbuckled. Besides. the horse
likes TIE sOciability of ii. He easily
learns dozen or more words. but be
careful to use them only for exactly
what you mean. For instance, whoa"
means to stop at once and stand per-
fectly still, get up" TO go straight
ahead and at once. back" to step back
ward. easy" or STEADY" to slow up.
These words the horse readily learns
and takes kindly to. walk" means to
change at once TO a walk. and "all
right" spoken in calm. reassuring
tone. means don't be afraId-that
won't hurt you" and It is wonderful to
see what calming effect II has. Speak
firmly. but not sharply. to the horses,
for they are nervous creatures. Talk
Ing to your horse will make him more
intelligent and more friendly Spirit
Of the West.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
How Cold Causes Kidney Dis
ease

Partly by driving blood from the
surface and congesting the kidneys, and
partly by throwing too much work up
on them. Foley Kidney Pills strength
en- the kidneys, give tone to the urinary
organs and restore the normal action of
the bladder, They are tonic III action,
quick in results. Try them.--Jobn w.
Thur5tOu,
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Reduced.

II hear the Pudgerleighs are in great
reduced circumstances"
"Are they? How did they lose their
noneyT
ooh, they haven't lost their money.
dr. Pudgerleigh has had typhoid fever
Ind Is mere walking skeleton. and
lis wife has been trying new anti-fat
hmedy which has brought her weight
bwn nearly forty pounds. Judges
library.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Raat Him TO IL.

In one Of the dry" states law evad'
Ing boniface said to thirsty guest:
~ don't sell spirits, but ! will give
you a glass of prime whisky. and then
If you want biscuit | will sell 1t to
you for % cents"
The man was given stiff glass,
drank 1t with evident appreciation OF
It's quality, and the landlord then Of.
fered him biscuit.
well, no. think not" said the
guest, you sell them too dear, | can
get one at any bakers shop for a cent,
and he walked away.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

t. e. Collins, Postmaster, Barnegat,
N. D., was troubled with severe la
grippe cough, He says: 81 would be
completely ex hausted after each fit of
violent coughing. bought bottle of
Foley's Honey and Tar Compound and
before had taken it all the coughing
spells had entirely ceased. 1t can't be
beat'.-John w. Thurston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

The "Child's Welfare" movement has
challenged the attention of thoughtful
people everywhere. Mothers are natu-
raj supporters, and will find in Foley's
Honey and Tar Compound most valu-
able aid. Coughs and colds that un-
checked lead to Group, bronchitis and
pneumonia yield quickly to the healing
and soothing qualities of Foleys Honey
and Tar Compound.-John w. Thurs
ton.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Not on the Level,

How can mountain climbers be be-
ieved?"
".Why notr'
How can such thing as mountain
climbing be on the evelr'-Baltimor
American.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

"What are you smiling about?" ask
ID Noah.
~ was just thinking" replied ia
,heth. "how lucky 1t was we could go
ihead and build this ark without wait
ng for an appropriation from con-
Eess." -Washington Star.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

Lew Morris, Kansas City character
of local renown. was standing on the
corner of Thirteenth street and Grand
avenue one Sunday morning when n
polite stranger accosted him:
would you kindly tell me, sir, how
to find the Second Presbyterian
churchP'
God bless me, stranger" fervently
responded Lew, II don't even know
where the first Presbyterian church
-Everybody's.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
HER KEEN REMoEsE.
u Showed Itself In an Entirely unss-
peeted Manner.

There is in our navy certain rear
admiral, grave. serious minded, cOnsci-
entlous. who is an excellent discipline
rian. But he has had his failures too.
In his younger days he was greatly
distressed by the thoughtlesSness Of
his charming wife. She had pinned
her silk petticoat in the back until
there was a great frayed place at the
band. She continued to wear the pet
ticoat, however, although her efforts to
keep on pinning 1t at the frayed place
always evoked little storm of irrita-
ton and temper.
In vain her husband urged her to
mend it. Finally he decided that the
only way to reform his wife was TO I'LL
her with remorse. So this future COM
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Artistic

did you find the play to be as ar
tistic as 1t had been reported to be-"
"Yes 1t was about the dullest three
hours | ever lived through."-Chicago
Record-Herald
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
OF Course.

Toni told her father that I ex-
pected to inherit several pieces Of fine
property. Dick-What did be say?
Tom-He said that deeds speak louder
Than words. -Philadelphia Telegraph.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
The Madam N;rI

He-What do you call real typical
modern girlf She-One who prefers
an heir in the castle to a castle In thu
hr.-London Answers.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
Cheerful Information.

In the olden days a semaphore was
erected on Telegraph hill in San Fran.
cisco. II was used whenever a vessel
appeared in the ofiing. One arm at
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

Every man has hfs chance; nay. every
nan has his certainty. II he does well,
le will be honored and aided.--John
Rusldn.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29
A But In thu Case.

Festive Gentleman returning home)
Its all very well saying thersh no
place like 'ome, but it's getting thersh
the trouble. -London Opinion.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1912-03-29

The man who cannot forgive any
mortal thing is a green hand in life
&. L. Stevenson. ~.
Elk City mining news. (Elk City, Idaho) 1903-1913, 1912-01-25
The Lemon Rate Ruling.

American lemon growers won signal
victory over foreign competitors and
the transcontinental railroads when the
interstate commerce commission a few
days ago reaffirmed its previous order,
upset by the new commerce court, re-
ducing freight rates on lemons from
California to all other points in the
United States from $1.15 per hundred
pounds to 81.
The fight over lemon rates has been
in progress since 1902, and originally
involved the question of competition
with Sicily. It has been bitterly fought
and became one of the first causes of
conflict between the interstate COM
merce commission and the new COM
merce court. When the commission
originally ordered the reduction, its
order was stopped by the commerce
court, which held that the commission
had no right to take into consideration
the question of foreign competition and
remanded the case for rehearing.
The final decision holds the rate of
$115 unreasonable and unjust, irrespec.
tive of the question of competition, and
orders the carriers to make effective the
lower rate on February IS. The case
was fought in the name of the Airing
ton Heights Fruit exchange against
practically all of the transcontinenta
lines.
Elk City mining news. (Elk City, Idaho) 1903-1913, 1912-01-25
Quick Broth.

One cup of chicken or turkey STOCK
made by using bits Of leftover meat
and breaking the bones and cooking
them until all the juice is extracted,
one-half cup of cooked rice, one cup
Of vegetable PURGE, one-haf carrot,
one-half onion, minced. Add a pint
and a half of boiling water, one tea
spoon of salt or less. Let boil and
skim well. Simmer for about an hour
Season. strain and serve.
Elk City mining news. (Elk City, Idaho) 1903-1913, 1912-01-25
WORTH KEEPING IN MEMORY
Cleansing Hats That, Some Tins or
Another, Are Sure to Be Found
of Value.

Cover marble with paste made py
fixing French chalk with alcohoh
md allow the figure to become per
ectly dry. Then brush the powder
way If the result is not satisfactory
nipe over with a rag dipped In jave.ie
water. This is a mild each.
In cleaning oil cloth little water
hould be used, because If any gets
Underneath each time 1t is washed
he oil cloth will rot.
A little kerosene added to the wa
er will brighten oil cloth unless IT Is
much worn or has been washed with
water so hot that the varnish has
oeen removed during the process.
In this case, only thin transpar
mt varnish will remedy matters.
To remove the green from brass
nix one teaspoonful OF oxalic acit
With one cupful of water, and with
;lean rag rub the article to be clean
ID thoroughly
Wash off with hot soap and water
'emoving all the oXalic acid, and thel
lolish with any of the good prepare
ions that are on the market for clean
ng brass.