The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1912-11-28

ces, of sending railroad trains crash
ing into each other in spite of orders
and signals.
The world demands that every
man shall keep step, and he who
cannot, falls behind and must march
in the rear. 1t was not long until
1T was my master and I it's insane
slave. Oh God! the memory of those
years! / tried repeatedly to break
away but found ] had not reckoned
with my host. For man once en-
shaved can never count ON himself
with any certainty. The cruelty of
it was the gradual manner in which
the reslstless doom came upon me.
1t made the sun shine more brightly,
the skies were brighter blue; it
lead me past green trees, birds and
blooming flowers, drifted me in hap
Ply voyage past the dwellings of
friends, past the cottages of neigh
bors and parents, past the church
with its spire, deaf to all the calls
and entreaties Of love, and warnings
of danger, past fair face white
with woe standing on the bank, past
everything that was lovely in life,
and yet cut me off from all happiness
in the swirl of its awful fate.
There have been times when |
have seen the hopes of manhood, the
love of woman, the possession of
home, the chance to acquire name,
position, prosperity, all in sight, all
just within my grasp, and yet all
swept away by the deadly suction
Of its whirlpool. The more manli-
ness yet left in man, the more tor
ture; the more love of everything
beautiful andgood the more anguish.
1t is like turning your right hand and
arm into hideous serpent whose
tiendish activity when reused is
ready to doom your nearest and
dearest friend to death, while you
shiver with horror at the sight. The
man who undertakes to cure himself,
has to fight his way back alone.
Nobody understands, nobody SYM
patizes with him, nobody helps him;
not because the world is unfeelng
and doesn't care, but because it does
not understand and comprehend
this species of insanity.
| came out here in this vast soil
tude to try and cure myself, to or
ganize new and healthy nerves and
brain and pure blood for their sup
port. 1t is now three years since
came among you, and have never
fell once during that time, but | am
still afraid even in this calm of life,
and while am thus afraid, I want
NO responsibilities that might in
volve others in my failure. l be-
lieve in the Fatherhood of God and
that he has purpose even in let
ting us stumble on through life as
we do, and through all my weakness
and insanity | still desire to hold
His hand. l have always thought
that it was inconsistent and very
poor Judgment to trust Him with
our future in the unknown beyond
the grave, and yet not trust His low
ing care IN our daily lives. At any
rate it holds The only large and
beautiful hope that can compensate
US for the bitterness and sorrows of
life. Materialists can give you
nothing better to cling to.
~ expect to conquer. either here,
or in the hereafter. | know that
the whole temptation is DISEASE of
brain and nerves, and when He
chooses He can release me. The
poor.brain will be cold and still for
good and all some day and l shall
be able to see-I ust-why have
been suffered to struggle through
these years.
And now as | close my story,
boys, let me add, that while that
woman Is still loving me, and wait
ing for me, and praying and hoping
for me, and will continue to do so
until death, yet / do not want any
closer relations with the only wo-
man have ever loved, or ever can
love. and whose happiness / fear to
put in peril. We are both the bet
ter for having loved, and we are
both looking forward to union of
souls III world where she can trust
me, and can trust myself with her
happiness"
Silence had fallen on the group of
that little shanty during the recital