Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-01
PET FUNNY STORIES.
Narratives That Seven Famous Au-
thors Liked Very Much.

thors Liked very Much.
Authors are not above having a pet
story to be told over and over again on
occasion-and off, too.
Emerson Hough, who in his novels
deals with extremely serious topics
and whose John Rawn" Is a book Of
tremendous import, has keen sense
about a guide he once had on fishing
trip in the Adirondacks. This guide had
also been employed by Grover Cleve-
land and DR.. Henry van Dyke, Of
Princeton university. Shortly after the
birth Of President Cleveland's little
daughter the chief executive went on a
fishing trip and was delighted to learn
that his guide hod also become a
father, says the New York Sun.
How much did your baby weigh at
birth?" asked Mr.. Cleveland.
twenty-five pounds, sir" answered
the guide.
TWENTY-FIVE pounds!" exclaimed
the president in amazement, why, my
baby weighed but seven"
Cant help it, sir" said the guide;
mine weighed twenty-five and know
that's right, for weighed him on DR..
van Dykes fish scales"
Frederick s. Isham, author Of "a
Man and His Money" Is noted for his
ready wit, and during his extensive
travels throughout the world has accu-
mulated a large fund Of interesting an
ecdotes. One of his latest concerns an
American who was touring in the
Holy Land.
This man wanted a guide for but a
short time, and so hired one by the
hour. They started out, the day being
dark and cloudy and did" number
of sights. Then the tourist thought 1t
time to get back to his hotel for lunch.
At the city gate he glanced at the big
public clock.
Great Scott" he exclaimed. "Is
that right?"
The guide assured him 1t was. The
tourist appealed to a merchant; the
latter showed him his watch-5.30
o'clock. Nothing wrong with the city
timepiece. The tourists own watch
was out Of commission. He consulted
other clocks in the neighborhood. There
was no mistake-it was $50 and he
had left the hotel at 8 o'clock in the
morning. He offered the guide COM
pensation for nine and half hours.
That agile person fairly "ate up" the
fee and hastily disappeared. Time GER
tainly did fly in the Holy City, thought
the tourist, and 1t was only when he
reached his hotel that he learned the
Mohammedans compute their civic day
from sunset, which Is IL o'clock. Five
thirty, Oriental standard, was about
noon European time.
Margaretta Tuttle, of Cincinnati,
who has written His Worldly Goods, -
is very fond Of Scotch dialect. Her fav-
orite story Is about an old Scotch
shepherd, who, faithful to the tradi-
tions of his clan, still wore the High
land kits. One cold raw day he was
sitting on q hillside tending his sheep.
His plaid was wrapped closely about
him, but his teeth chartered and his
bare legs were blue with cold. A fell
low clansman, who had been away
from his native hills, came by wearing
an English overcoat. Observing the
shivering shepherd, he asked:
Sandy, are we cauld WI the kilt?"
Ma, na," replied the loyal Sandy,
but I'm nigh kilt wi the cauld.'
The following story has been credit
ed to Brand Whitlock, mayor Of Tole-
do and author of "The Fall Guy" but
Mr.. Whitlock disclaims the honor Of
being it's inventor. However, it's too
good to leave untold:
A factory laborer was fond Of shirk-
ing his work, slipping off now and again
for a smoke. A new manager named
Dodgin took charge, and, anxious to
secure a good organization, kept his
eye on the shirkers. The one in ques-
tion had not seen him yet. One after
noon the manager walked through the
yard and saw a man smoking beneath
a shed.
Hey, what are you doing there?"
demanded the manager.
who are you?" gruffly asked the
shirker.
I'm Dodgin, the new manager"
$50 am l." said the shirker with a
smile. Come in and have a|smoke."
Henry Mountjoy has a ready wit,
which he has used to good advantage
in making the pages Of "The Minister
of Police" bright and snappy. He tells
lots Of good stories, and, best of all, in
vents them himself. He is also prac-
tical joker and keen satirist.
Mr.. Mountjoy was told Of the be-
havior of the Gaekwar of Barcoda, who
at the Durbar, did not walk out back
ward before the king. Mr.. Mountjoy,
in his satirical way, claimed to be
greatly incensed over this incident.
why in the world didn't he walk
backward like the rest Of them?" ask
ed Mr. Mountjoy Of fellow club men,
ber.
Perhaps he doesn't know how"
said his friend.
know how" cried the author, then
why the dash blank -blankety dash
couldn't he have bought a crab and
practiced?"
Vaughan Kester scintillated with q
gentle humor which was a constant
delight to his friends. 1t gave subtle
charm to The Prodigal Judge" and Is
also found in large quantities in "The
Just and the Unjust" which was pub
lished recently. He was fond Of chill
dren and the amusing things they said.
and often told story about the little
son of a dramatic critic.
The little lad had attended kinder
garten which was one day visited by a
clergyman. Attracted by the bright
countenance of the dramatic critics
son, the clergyman asked him his
name. The little fellow gave it prompt
ly.
And what Is your papa's work?"
said the clergyman.