Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

The oyster. mean; whom they so de-
light to torture.
The oyster is known in song and story
immemorial. From hstorys earliest
dawn he has ever been first at the feast
not as an honored guest, alas. but as the
first to fall victim to the vulgar hunger
of barbarans who 'eat 'em alive. But
it has remained for this southern gentle
man to call the attention of an age
long. heartless world to the suffering en-
dured by the accomplishing mollllsc.
whose fortunes, If one is to agree with
This wholly veracious reformer, would
make the fiendish devices of Torquemada
and the inquisition appear like the harm
less amusements little Ethel contriVes fof
her friends at her first lawn party
The human brute, according to the
Alabama oyster man, is not content with
ruthlessIy tearing the contemplative oys-
ter from his bed, amid the soft twilight
of the underwriters and the companion
ship of his fellows. but, in addition, after
shattering his nervous system with all
manner of i'll treatment, violently sewers
him from his protecting she'll. Then.
through his veins and the tide of life is
at it's flood, he stabs him through the
vitais with one of the fiendish devices or
the sticker type. With his whole being
in a frenzy of excruciating agony. the
poor oyster is stuffed into the mouth of
some carnal brute, where he perlsnes
ANONYMOUSLY between the grinders of the
brute-a life sold for nickel.
In order that Washington should not
be found tagging in any movement with
an upward and onward twist to it, the
Cub Reporter recently betook himself to
the various sources of authentic Informal
ton, to learn, If he might, something
about these sufferings of the oyster. He
sought out not only those who had
studied the oyster from scientific
standpoint, but also those who have an
intimate. everyday acquaintance with
him. He wanted to find out, on behalf
of the people Of Washington, whether it
hurt half-dozen-on-the-she as much
to be eaten alive as it panied the eater
to pay more for the trimmin's than he
did for the oysters themselves. With
such intent he first sought out that foun-
tain head of all American knowledge on
molluscae, crustaceans, brachypods.
whangdoodles, coleoptera, tadpoles anu
other uncouth denizens of the deep-the
bureau of fisheries.
My, but there is lot to be learned
there about oysters that one never hears
of in restaurant. An expert as cOur-
teous as he was we'll informed trotted
out the oyster and put him through his
PAGES, so to speak. He exhibited views
of the succule-the oyster. l mean-that
showed attributes and organs that 1t is
very doubtful whether the oyster himself
knew he had. There We're incased within
the horny shell or imbedded In that fat
mass of tissue. pretty much everything
that grown folks have coming to them
10 FL r ton a. rt
alimentary tract, nervous system, vascu-
lar system-whatever that Island cir
culation system of the blood that would
be the envy of any newspaper. Indeed,
surgent oysters, they might be called,
boosted vermiform appendix, though
the janitor of the building. who has &C
quired large stock of oyster knowledge
by absorption insisted that 1t was merely
a rudimentary finger.
In short. as far as being provided
with an ample assorted stock Of normal
and healthy organs is concerned. the
average oyster could easily quality for
admission to West Point or Annapolis.
In addition it is provided with some
''ganglia'' that serve it pretty well for,
brains.
Where's the place that hurts 'em
when you eat EN- alive?" querfed the
Cub Reporter Of the expert.
1T is impossible to answer that ques-
tion," replied the expert. who, 1T may
be said in passing. was not the regu-
lar oyster expert, but had been tempo
rarily borrowed from the catfish divi-
sion of the ichthycephaloids and
brachypods to Investigate the results
of recent experiments in the intellectual
development Of the tadpole.
But" he continued, 1.-The oyster has
a nervous system and, it should be
presumed, uses it to ache with occa-
sionally, just as We use the nerves in
our teeth to have the toothache with.