davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
of glass on which the poet-peasant in.
scribed two verses of poetry.
JUDGE Springs a Problem.

II plainly see," said the Billville
Justice to the prisoner. that you are
guilty Of mendacity."
whats that7" whispered q specta.
tor to near by bailif.
IT dunno" replied the bailitf. II
reckon It's some kin to equilibrium
Of "pendicitis,' but, whatever 1t II.
you kin jes' bet it's 'cordin' to law
Atlanta Constitution.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
Didn't Wait.

First Newsboy-A guy hHnded me a
half-dollar for a paper dis morning.
l went outer de depot to ret de
change an when came back hs was
gone.
Second Newsboy-How long Jas
you gone for de change?
First Newsboy-'Bout two hourt
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
Bathing Suits, Mayhap.

Bath1h8 SuItt, Mayhap.
Hub docking up from newspaper)
My dear, have you seen any of
those invisible suits yet?
Wife-Invisible suits! What are
you talking about?
Hub-Why, here's New York la
dies tailor advertising: suits made
to order with or without material"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
Shiftinu tho Scheme.

did you strike copper on that
land?'
Nope
Then suppose you will return the
money and take up the stock you
sold?"
Not exactly. We shall promote
an orange grove on the land. Two
shares Of the new stock for one Of
the old"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
His Pet Play.

Edith-That Mr. Phan Is converse.
tionally impossible.
Ethel-Why SO?
Edith-We were talking about the
theater, and when inquired what was
his favorite play, he said If he had
any favorite it was seeing man
steal second
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
The Deceased,

Unfortunately the girl in the boat
with him when he rocked the boat did
not know how to SWIM"
THAT was unfortunate"
For him, yes. You see she claw.
ed him under the surface and stood
on his face to keep her head above wa
ter"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
A Correction.

I'VE are drifting toward a paternal
form of government said the econo-
mist. Pardon me, If I correct you,"
responded the suffragette, gently; ITO
be accurate you should say a mater.
nal form of government"-Case and
Comment
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
kjckino Habit Of Mule.

II a mule Is properly trained he Will
not develop the kicking habit any
more than horse will. Mules have
a bad name on this score simply be-
cause they are not as we'll broken az
horses are.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
Law In New York.

"Your honor, ask for a special
venire of 500 talesmen. 1t will take
US some time to select jury"
why SOP"
THE defense will accept only mar.
ried men with blue eyes and warts on
the nose, just like the defendant"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
Promise Well.

Intimate Friend-Squiggles, how
does it seem to have a baby in the
house?
Young Father didn't think much
Of him at first, but the little-er-beg-
gar improves wonderfully on acquaint-
ance.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
Another Needed.

Wife-Oh, George, dear, do order a
rat-trap to be sent home today?
George-But you bought one last
week.
Wife-Yes, dear, but there's a rat in
that.-London Taller.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
CharmIno,

VHdTIHIH0s
1--WE Just been introduced to Prot.
smythe: such a charming man to talk
to, He doesn't make one feel a fool
IN spite of his cleverness."
All, my dear, but that's because of
his cleverness." Punch.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
Burns HoWH.

Burns Howff.
It is little less than panic that has
come into the town of Dumfries, Scot
land. The reason therefor Is that the
Globe tavern Of that town, known a.
Burns "Howtf" (Which is Scottish for
the German word "Hof"), is in the
market, and there is fear that some
American may buy the tavern and its
relics and ship them to the United
States. These relics include the poets
chair. IN which he sat while enjoying
himself wi roaming swats that drank
divinely;" q punch bowl and . pane
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
And airy Tales,

Mr. Crimsonbeak-Why, dear. your
hair Is turning white!
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-I guess tho
ghost stories you have told me. John
have something to do with It.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
Tho Anxloua Auahand

The Anxious Husband.
my love, don't want you to do
your work when we are married."
THAT'S considerable of you"
And that brings me to a delicate
question. Have you enough money to
enable US to keep a hired girl?"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
UnafraId,

UnaTfa1d.
Goodman-And do you expect n
face your maker with the smell nj
liquor on your breath?
Rounder-Oh, I don't expect ia
have any breath when that happens
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
And She Knew,

Patience-What is viii doing now!
Patrice-He's writing breakfast.food
poetry.
Patience-Well. he always did write
tho mushy kinJ
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
Poor Mira. Noah-

Mrs. styles-And you say they only
had two Of each kind in the ark?
Mr.. Styles-Yes, my dear.
Mrs. Styles-And did poor Mrs.
Noah only have two dresses?
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20
Appropriate.

thinkers. the watch-mender, 10
often heard to quote Shakespeare"
what 10 his favorite quotation
from Shakespeare"
""The time 10 out Of joint"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20

Green Feed Necessary.
A hen should have all the green
feed she VIII eat Svsvy day q Aar hfe
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-12-20

Gull Out Poor Layers. ~
Gull out all the poor layers and give
- GOOD hens . chance. "
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24
Washingtonians Speak.

Washington men will tomorrow speak
in MartInsburg. Harrisonburg. and Hern-
don In the interest OF the local Men and
Religion Forward Movement campaigns
in those places. Their work is a part Of
the programme laid out by the auxiliary
cities committee of the Washington city
campaign, for all three places lie within
the Washington district, according TO the
divisions adopted by the national COM
mittee.
The delegation 20 go to Martinsburg
will consist Of four men. The Rev.
Joseph NJ. NJ. Gray, pastor of Hamline
NJ. f. Church. will conduct services in
which the evangelistic aspect Of the
movement will be emphasized The Rev.
Hermon s. Pinkham, OF Emmanuel Bap-
tist Chusch. will speak on Bible study.
Dr. Pinkham was chairman of the WASH
ington Bible study committee. DR..
Thomas Jesse Jones, who has, in con-
nection with work in the Census Bureau
and for the social service committee Of
the Washington campaign OF the Men
and Religion Movement. obtained a large
amount OF data regarding social forces
and conditions In the Middle Atlantic
States. will speak on social service work,
and Fred ]. Nichols. executive secretary
OF the Washington campaign, on boys
work All four speakers will remain in
Maltinsburg till Tuesday night.
Herman C. Metcalf. c. Clinton James,
and the Rev. W. F. Smith will go to
Harrisonburg to speak at meetings Sun
day afternoon and evening, and William
L. Culbertson will speak at two services
in Herndon
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24
a Great Englishman.

While in England a few weeks ago the
Rev. DR.. r. S. Macarthur, president OF
the Baptist World Alliance. spent two
hours in the nome of Lloyd George, whom
he regards as the foremost man OF the
British empire to-day. DR.. Macarthur
compares George to Lincoln in his abil-
ity to triumph over difficulties. to Nc
Klnley in his whole-heartedness, and to
Roosevelt in his power Of initiative.
Georges great task OF the immediate
future DR.. Macarthur declares to be dis
establishment and disendowment OF the
Church of Wales. to be followed by the
same Of the Church of England and
the Church Of Scotland.
'I met many Englishmen and Scotch
men," observes the Baptist Alliance
president, "who believe that the Irish
politicians and Roman priesthood do
not really desire home rule for Ireland.
If such rule were granted the oratorical
vocation of these men would be taken
away. For myself. 1 believe. the Ulster
men to be mistaken in their attitude.
am a Protestant of Protestants. That
is one reason why ] desire to see home
rule in Ireland. Both home rule and
disestablishment are sure to come. Lloyd
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24
OfthnhtBt

Rev. Thomas Harrison, of Dorchester,
Mass, will preach at the Gorsuch NJ. E
Church. FOur-and-a-half and l. streets
southwest. Sunday morning at IL O'Clock.
At 80 p. m. Rev. Allen Poore, of Ten
naIlytown, will preach. exchanging with
the pastor. Rev. B. F. Crawford.
DR.. Montgomery will speak at the Met
ropolitan Memorial Methodist Church
Sunday morning on Some modern types
of men gone wrong" In the evening
DR.. Montgomery will treat some local
conditions of our city. He has announced
for his subject: What a city owes its
citizens"
At Hamline Methodist Episcopal
Church on Sunday morning at the IL
O. clock service the pastor, Rev. Joseph
NJ NJ. Gray will preach on the theme
Christ at the cross roads" In the
evening at o'clock the Rev. W. J.
Meeks, of Midland, Nd, will occupy the
pulpit. Owing to the engagements Of
the pastor in auxiliary city work OF the
Men and Religion Forward Movement he
goes to Martinsburg, w. Va, on Sunday
afternoon to address a mass meeting of
men on the same evening. From Sunday
afternoon until Wednesday evening he
will be engaged in conferences and in
stitutes at Martinsburg and also at
Frostburg. Nd.
On Wednesday evening, February Is, at
s o'clock, in the lecture room of the
church, the men of Hamline will gather
for their echo meeting Of the eight-day
campaign of the Men and Religion For
ward Movement. The chairmen Of the
six committees will submit reports on the
results of their attendance upon the con-
ferences and institutes. Time will be
given all for general discussion and later
recommendations looking toward the
fuller organization of the men in the
work will ne presented for adoption. A
buffet lunch will be served at the close.
On Friday evening. March l. at Nc
Kendree NJ. E. Church. the Rev. Charles
L. Mead, d. D., of Baltimore, one of the
most noted preachers in Methodism, will
deliver his popular lecture on Abraham
Lincoln" The lecture is under the aus
pices OF Lincoln Avenue NJ E. Church,
which is presenting an excellent course of
lectures this winter. The last lecture
In the course was by DR.. W. R. Wedder-
spoon.
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24
[ lnttgrpgatinnal

Ingram Memorial Congregational
Church begins a series Of Sunday evening
events tomorrow, with the Illustrated
Life of Ben-Hur." The Sundays fol-
lowing in March will include a Lenten
concert, and illustrated sermons on THE
miracles Of Christ" THE parallels OF
Christ" Christ and His disciples" and
Last days OF Christ" For the first
Sunday in April, an Easter concert" is
scheduled.
In announcing the new series OF Sum-
day evening lectures which begins to-
morrow night at the First Congregation
al Church. DR.. woodrow states that he
will treat the general theme. The re-
formation period in many lands" and
will enlarge upon his own clear state
ment -of the underlying fact of the re-
formatiOn-that IL was merely an attempt
to reform the church In head and mem
bers," but that it was great intellectual
and spiritual revolution. The topic to-
morrow night is. ''Foregleams of the
reformation" Other subjects to be treat
ed on successive Sunday nights are The
reformation in Spain.'' THE reformation
in Germany" THE reformation in Eng
land" The reformation in France"
The reformation in Switzerland" The
reformation in the Netherlands" and
Fruits of the reformation" On April
:. an Easter cantata will be rendered
Seats are free at the First Congregation
al Church. The brotherhood has con-
stituted itself a welcoming committee"
for these Sunday evening lectures, which
have grown steadily In attendance and
general popularity with thoughtful men
and women ever since DR.. Woodrow in
auguarated the plan for evening serv-
ices.
There will be a dinner for men only
in the Mount Pleasant Congregational
Church Tuesday at p. m. Dinner will
be served by. the Ladies' Aid Society of
the church. Addresses will be delivered
by Maj. Gen. A. W. Greely, Congressman
George H. Utter, formerly. governor OF
Rhode Island, and by A. NJ. Chesley. of
the Y. NJ. c. A. Music will be furnished
by male quartet. consisting of William
c. Mills, Rev. George F. Dudley, W. N.
Eaton, and w. H. Peter.
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24

eating contest. and games. Large NUM-
lbers Of members and their friends were
In attendance at both places
The Christian Endeavor topic for to-
morrow-"missionary sunday'-ls The
nome missionary. whose life has most In
spired me-" Acts x:zs-s5-
wednesday evening the Christian En-
deavor Society OF the Western Presby-
terian Church gave a George wash
ington social. under the direction OF
Mrs F. w. woodcock, chairman Of the So
cIal committee. The programme included
piano solos by Miss Josephine Golden and
Miss Charlotte Klein, patriotic songs by
a girls chorus. rtcitations by Mr.. Mark
A. Watson. and the reading Of Washing
IONS Farewell Address by Mr.. ]. H Beat
tie. A hatchet-hnding game was won
by Miss Ruth Collins. and the prize In
a spelling contest. entitled Washington
Pi." was awarded to Miss Mabel John
ston. Following the programme refresh
ments were served, and the entertain
unent ended with the singing. OF "Amer-
lea" by the audience, and prayer by
the pastor Of the church, Rev. ]. H.
Durham. About Two hundred were pres
ent.
Among the Endeavor societies which
hold annual banquets in the month Of
February are those OF Keller Memorial
Lutheran and Vermont Avenue Christian
churches. and both Of these societies met
for these functions last night. The first
named society had as guests the officers
of the District Union.
ImmaIhlel Baptist intermediate Soci-
sty was visitsd last Sunday evening by
the Young Peoples Society. Miss Ruth
Roberts was in charge Of the service
and during the evening one new mem
ber was received into the intermediate
Society.
Rev. Willis L. Gelston, OF Philadelphia.
superintendent OF Presbyterian young
peoples work, will be the principal
speaker at a Christian Endeavor mass
meeting at New York Avenue Presby-
terian Church on Monday, March 4, under
:he auspices of the District Christian En-
deavor Union. Besides his address at the
mass meeting Mr.. Gelston in q preiimi-
nary meeting will advise the young peo-
pie about the Individual problems which
have come up In their work. Those En-
deavorers who have heard Mr.. Gelston
on his previous visits to Washington or
at conventions, are eager to again catch
some Of his enthusiasm and inspiration.
Each society represented in the District
Union will be provided with a banner
and the members will sit together in the
evening meeting when the unions honor
emblem for attendance will be awarded
to the society which has the larger per-
centage OF its active and associate men,
bers present. A card announcing the
meeting will be placed in the hand Of
each Endeavorer by his society's officers
tomorrow evening and every society has
posters for use in its meeting room
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24
I1uthrran

All the members OF the congregation
are urged TO be present at the services
at ST Marks Lutheran Church, Eighth
and B streets southwest, to-morrow-the
first Sunday in Lent. The pastor. Rev. J.
Luther Frantz, will have as his subjest
at the IL a, m. services Your tempta-
tions" The theme of the evening sew
ices at s o'clock will be THE call of the
Master" Wednesday, s p. m, a Lenten
service with sermon. Strangers are cor
daily invited. Seats are free TO all the
services.
Rev. Paul A. Menzel announces serv-
ices at the Corcordia English Lutheran
Church. tomorrow at II and 7:i5 O'Clock.
The evening service is held In the chapel
and the topic tomorrow will be the sec
ond is a series OF Lenten meditations:
IF really love the Lord, what Will my
prayer life be-
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24

were given Mr.. and Mrs Howden. one
of them being a beautiful clock with
chimes. Altogether. the reception was
graceful tribute to an effective and pop
ular rector and his wife.
Rev. Randolph H. McRim. D. D.. and
Rev. C. Ernest Smith, D. D., are among
the appointed speakers at the midday
Lenten services OF the Church of the
Messiah, Baltimore. Rev. DR.. r. X.
Massie, Of the Theological Seminary, Vir-
ginia. will also be one of the speakers
at the Messiah.
The midday Lenten services for busi-
ness people, under the auspices of the
Brotherhood of st. Andrew, in Epiphany
Church will be commenced for this sea-
son on Monday next at 1855 o'clock, when
the speaker will be the Right Rev. g.
Mott Williams, d. D., Bishop or Mar
Quette.
The subsequent speakers and the days
on which they will speak are these:
Tuesday. February z-ReT. R. II. Mektm. Epiph-
"wednesday. February .: Thursday. February 3
Friday. March l-Rer. T. Hubert-Jcues, Epiphany
parish.
Monday. March t-Rer. P. wrcth. Church Of
Tuesday. March 5-Rt. Rev. F. S. sraldins
Bishop Of Utah.
WEDNESDAY. March 6: Thursday. March Z; Fi-
day. March s-Rer. r. H. Mckim, Epiphany parish
parish.
Monday, March u-Rer. J. J. Dinoo. ST. An
drew's parish.
Tuesday. March Il: Wednesday. March lS-Rer
H. L. Burleson, assistant secretary board Of mis-
sionS
Thursday. March H-Rer. R. Cotton Smith, St
Johns parish.
Fiday. March I5-Rer. r. Talbot, ST. Paul's
parish.
Monday. March Is-Re-. p. B. Hovden. George
town parish
TUESDAY March I9-Rsr. H. Scott Smith. St
Msrrarets parish
.Wednesiay. March ap-Re-. ]. J. wilkins secre
tary clerEy relief fund.
Thursday. March 2l; Friday. March Z-Rsv. r. W.
Hozue Ascension Church. Baltimore.
Monday. March 2-ReT. G. W. Van Fossen,
Trinity parish
Tuesday. March aS-Rer. J. Henning Nelms. Az
cension parish
wednesday. March E-Rer. J. W. Austin. Chevy
Chase parish.
T-rursiny: March a-Rer. @. c Bratsrabl. de-
psrtmental secretary.
Friday March ss-ReT. c. Stetsun, St. Marks
IaTish.
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24

will preach on "The kingdom Of heaven
waiting upon repentance" and in the
evening on THE secret discipieship,'
At a meeting of the church last
Wednesday the resignation OF Sunday
School Superintendent J. r. Bradley was
received, and L. A. williams was elected
in his place Mr.. Bradley had held the
office for twenty-seven years.
Pastor Bali, of the Metropolitan Bap-
tist Church, speaks tomorrow morning
on Tho way of the cross" and In the
evening on THE conversion Of queens
treasurer" There will be a baptism at
the evening service. On Friday evening
the women's missionary societies viii
hold their semi-annual meeting for the
ingathering OF funds for both the home
and foreign fields. Two new missionary
societies have been formed-one for girls
under twelve years of age. known as
Light Bearers: the other for older girls,
known as Young Ladies' Mission Band.
The pastors wife superintends both So
cieties. The newly organized glee club,
under the leadership Of Mr.. and Mrs.
Fred Thompson, now numbers forty
members
DR.. Crutcher will preach at the Fifth
Baptist Church tomorrow morning and
evening. The evening service, like the
evening service last Sunday. will be
evangelistic in character. 1t is DIR.
Crutcher's intention to make all the
Sunday evening services OF this nature.
The washington's Birthday celebration
by the Baraca and Philathea classes on
Thursday evening was pronounced
success About 400 persons were In at
tendance. The missionary societies are
planning an entertainment for next Fri
day evening.
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24
0apttat

THE greatest thing God can do for
Washington people, is the subject upon
which Rev E. Hez Sven will preach at
the Capital Baptist Church, Typograph-
icaI Temple, 423 street northwest, to-
morrow evening, at o'clock. At II
o'clock in the morning he will preach at
the Columbia Baptist Church, Wisconsin
avenue and Q street northwest, on "A
preachers prayer"
Baytists and other church members Of
Washington will welcome the statement
just given out by Pastor F. w John
son, of the Grace Baptist Church. that
he has declined the call from the Mills
Memorial Church, of Troy, n. Y, which
he has had under consideration for
some weeks past. On March 10 Pastor
johnson will begin at Grace Church a
series Of special meetings, in which he
will be assisted by other local Baptist
pastors.
Tomorrow morning Pastor johnson
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24
Christian Endeapor

Endeavor celebrations ot WashingtonN
Birthday were held by the societies Of
BrookIand Baptist Church and the Beta
Society of Ninth Street Christian Church
on Wednesday Both societies used their
places of meeting. which were appro-
priately decorated-for the occasion. At
the Brookland Church the arrangements
for the entertainment were made by the
social committee. led by Mrs. f. H.
Willis, former president of the society
A male quartet, composed of Will Bailey,
Herbert Primm, Clinton Flood, and
Charles Childress rendered selections;
Ralph Lawrence presented some very
amusing illustrated character sketches:
"a humorous debate between Mr.. Willis
and John Lord for the Affirmative, and
Misses Louise Long and Louise Houser
for the negative. was decided BY the
audience in favor of the negative; the
girls Of the intermediate Society gave
a nag drill. and Miss Helen George sang.
The Ninth Street Society had on its
programme an auto race" atcracker-
The Washington herald., 1912-02-24
(lattnlt

ST. Paurs sanctuary choir has been in
greater demand this season. On the 18th
the full choir Of thirty-five boys and
men, with Ernest Winchester at the
plano. furnished music at the dramatic
entertainment of Georgetown University,
at Columbia Theater. On Tuesday morn
ing the choir sang a solemn high requiem
mass. On Washington's Birthday two
masses were sung by the fun choir, one
a solemn high mass at the Convent Of
the Perpetual Alteration, at the dedica-
ton Of the new Golibart memorial altar:
and a solemn high requiem at the Church
for the annual memorial service Of the
District Knights of Columbus. The boys
OF the choir have also rendered the music
each afternoon this week for the solemn
retreat Of the Christ Child Society.
The Popular Science Association, or
ganized by Right Rev. William T. Russell,
rector OF St. Patrick's Church, for the
discussion Of vital questions of the day.
will hold its first lecture on Monday.
February Is. at $50 p. m, at the High
lands. The subject will be Aspects Of
radicaIism." Rev. William ]. Kerby, d.
D.. of the Catholic University. will deliv-
er the first two lectures. The subject of
the second lecture will be Aspects OF
CDnS6TNdllSin. Ee ana IOuTIn leC-
lures will be given by Right Rev. Rob-
ert Hugh Benson. "A review OF the state
of religion will be his subject. Rev.
John NJ. Cooper. d. D., of St Matthews
Church, will give the last two on Mod
ern miracles" The first two and last
two lectures will be at the Highlands
and the third and fourth in Carroll Hall
During the Lenten season special devo-
tions will be observed at st. Patrick's 3
Church. Mgr. William T. Russell will
preach a course of sermons every Sun
day evening at 7:3O p. m. Rev. James A.
Smyth will preach every Wednesday
evening during Lent at the same hour.
The sermon for next Sunday night will
be Jesus, the Good Shepherd" On
Wednesday, February 2S. the subject will
be THE mental sufferings of Christ. /"
Stations of the Cross will be said every
Friday at o'clock in the afternoon. and
in the evsning at 7:3O o'clock. Next Fri
day, being the fi-st Sunday of the month,
the usual devotions will take place. There
will be exposition OF the blessed sacra-
ment all day. The holy hour will be
observed from 4:30 to $50 p. m. Rev.
William J. Carroll will preach in the
evening at 7:3O o'clock.
On next Sunday the high mass will
be celebrated by Right Rev. William T.
Russell at IL o'clock. Father Carroll
will preach on THE Catholic Church,
the mother of civilization"