Albuquerque evening herald. [volume] (Albuquerque, New Mexico) 1911-1914, 1912-03-14


A couple Of centuries after Adam
Struck out In the Garden OF Eden. a
man, a uneal descendcnt of the Ola
Gent. had a pain. II was only n
Cramp a little south Of the Dia-
phragms In section rs, Range %. Hut
In order TO maintain his Social status
IN the smart Set, Il was highly essen-
slal for him 20 Interview a Diagnos-
ticlan and get Fitted for diadem ana
te reserve Lower IA the Special
bound for the Gates Aiar.
He had been c'tNr while -the 90.
ing was good HE RAD scaled the
Dizzy Heights OF sportdom, having
played extended engagements Loop.
Ing the Loop on the Bright LAHht cir
cult, and doing "a Marathon down The
Path OF Pleasure with the High
Speed on. lie was tue one bright
Satellite IN that starry Gem who
nishtly held Watch Parties, acintn-
lating about the Booze Emporium.
watching the Sohooners that pass In
the night.
He maintained a Batting Average
Of 1909 IN the Midnight sons and
usually reached his boudoir In she
Cold Gray Dawn with a puactured
tire ana his CaTburetos on fire. once
In his Bed Chamber he beheld, Pink
Rabbits and Green Monkeys frolick-
Ing about doing the High and Lofty
and making faces az him from the
Bed Posts. After he had carefully
Iaundered his stomach Ia Spiritus
Fremeuti for a long run. d Gent
friend induced him 10 Close the SHOW
and Hibernate under the Water Wa
gon for an indefinite run 20 avoid a
Total Eclipse
In the same village lived a youth
ful Saw Bones who had just complet-
ed a While-yOu- Wait course An sur
gioai shop Ia a nearby city, and who
was now, by Assiduous Application.
able 70 tell the difference hstwe "a
the Colon and the semicolon. He
had just returned 20 his Fond Par
ents, who put on a large Bridge
Party and burned Red Fire and sent
up a few rockets to indelibly impress
tho occasion ON members Of the
Home Guard. lie had 6nnexed the
NJ. ID. % his maiden name, but. 90
add maturity and dignity 10 the gem
eral ensemble, he had, by iudlcious
Masaaging and daily additions Ia
Hairs Aver Vigor. managed 20 raise
an Imposing Bunch Of spinach on his
phyHiognomy. which he kept care
fully Manicurod.
He would spend hours before tho
Looking Glass practlcing that Far
Away look, TO add prestige, and by
applying the Munler TO his Vocal
Acrebalics. he lent charm ana dignity
which Heightened the Effect, lie was
always on Speaking Terms with him
self aud allowed hts Ego 90 work Ike
q trip hammer; and, by feeding Hot
Chocolate 10 q few 81 the Aspiring
Buds and BY perpetually winning the
Consolation Prize IN an occasional
game of Draw with bis Gent friends,
had earned the ouphQnious appeiation
OF Doc. Before he began operating
the Surgical Game. cemotery stock
had taRen slump. but after ms
Diploma was framed and hung on the
wall. business Picked pp, aud stock
IN tho White City took a Run ana
Jump, 10 they were forced 10 add am
other Addition OF 40 ncree % keep
pace with the Progress Of the Times,
AZ the members Of the D0n't lie Look
Natural Club were rapidly on the In
crease.
This embryonic Saw Bones, atil
wet behind the ears and a. fregh az
RRhl Rahl boy homo for the hole
days. was something az Literary
Iight having plowed a deep iurrow
through sears- Roebuck catalogue Tor
a Return ENLARGEMENT; the second
time beginning Ia the Middle and
working both ways az the same time
About this time tho Sure Thing
with the Pain driiled lnto the Quaok'a