The Marshall republican., 1912-12-20
Press Clippings

thDie III u mulIieu NOtCe, bdlu tue
emotional actress. ~ had the
house In tears the other night over
| nine tines nine are 81"
II a joke IN good II can be e
told every t~hirty-seven ye1rs. The
Kan. Industrialist rep ints this one
from its files OF October 2, 1875;
AT the General Delivery Window
letters for Mike Hover the clerk
No; there amt no letters for
your COW, or for anyone else's
cow"
Saturday Evening Post: A man
travelling in Maine, met a middle
aged farmer, who told him his
father, aged 90 was still on the
farm where he was born. "Nincty
years old, eh7" "Yep; pops
c,ose to co." rs his health good?'
faint much row. He's been ccm-
planning for a few months back.
whats the matter with him9,
II dunno; sometimes I think farm
in don't agree with him"
Keepers OF the zoologi.al q r
dens are expected to know all the
facts and theories OF natural his
tory, and as they do not, they
sometimes have to manufacture
explanations. One OF the men in
the Philadelphia ZOO was asked by
a victor what the hump on the
o1mei's back was for. "What IL Il
fort" repea.e1 the keeper In a daz.
ed way. 'Ye-, OF what value Is IL?
The keeper thought a minute, and
then said, grlvely: 'wh,t sir, do
you suppose folks would come
mile1 TO see this animii Il Il didn't
have n hump Sir n camel " Il
didn't have a hump, might just as
well be n COW. That's the use of
the hump"
The Fort Scott Tribune tells o.
a man In that town who owns q
motor car, and while Il IL not a
good looking car tn, engine has
Always been willing to run anil the
man has v any complaint to
make. He was talking with
friend recently, who had n mlch'nc
that was far better as far rs looks
ere concerned, but WHEN II came
to motor Il had a poor batting
average. The second mar looked
the rusty car OF the first mans
over carefully and then exclaimed (:
"ln all the years ! have had my
s1r ! have never paid a cent for
repairs" mo- answered the other
man In his sweetest tones, "that's
what the min who did the repair
ing said"
Young man, don't fuss with your
wife because abe can't cook, you
didn't marry the cook you mar
RED the cooks accomplished and
beautiful daughter, and you would
not trade right now II you had a
thance. More than this you would
be mighty sore In 20 years from
now IL someone came around and
tried to steal the 'codk." Your
wife probably knows as much
about being a good cook as you
know about being a good husband
and In 20 years from now che will
have you beat a mile. From the
time she gcts up In the morning
until she goes to bed at night
everyone In the family from the
husband to the washerwoman
takes a complaint to Mother, and
drops II on her shoulders. II VIC
ever have time to become q statis-
ticlan and get paid for figuring
we intend to find out how many
complaints a woman hears from
the day she enters her home in a
shower OF rice till she leaves y
feet foremost. In a box covered
with roses--Exchange.
zone day ! was travelling thru
Arkansas" says Abe Peters, "when
a bare footed wtmin csme rum M
out OF the woods and crossed thu
road In front OF me. She was max
Ing good time and paid no atten
ton whatever to me. In a few
minutes ! che hdasappearsd in tn
brush. thought at first that she
must be crazy and stopped a min
ute to decide on what, I .oughtrto
to- l didn't know but what /
ought to follow her, arrest her
and take her before q magistrate
TO have her mental condition
looked after. While I wac think
ing over the matter q lonp, hu k