The Bourbon news., 1912-09-13
in The CLUTCHES
OF GOLF FRENZY


clared the woman who had the floor,
''as to view strong man in the
clutches of that perf1dious disease, the
golf fever. He becomes as a small
boy who runs home joyously to relate
how he played keeps and won all the
marbles from the other small boys,
or else wants comfort because they
won his marbles.
"After a successful afternoon at his
club Edward returns to his family
so excited that he doesn't know
whether the dish before him is picked
doormats or porterhouse steak. He
begins talking at once, while l sit
waiting for a break in his talk, so
that I can ring for more butter or
ask for water, and while the children
hold on to their chairs by main force,
starving to death because he has for
gotten to serve them, and they know
papa must not be interrupted when
he is talking.
"'Yes,' Edward says, I licked 'em
today! Never saw such a score
Business of fishing score card from
pocket) why, the third and sixth
and seventh / made in two less than
bogey-think of it, two less! And
the first and fourth and the next
three over the twelfth I did in bogey
and the others in just one over-no,
by Jove, I did the nineteenth in less
than bogey, too!'
"'Why!' L murmur 'That was a
score, certainly! Will you pass
Hopkins plays close game Ed
ward proceeds cheerily. I had to
look sharp to win over him. I thought
/ was lost when he did that 220-yard
drive at the third hole, and if I do
say it, I'm strong on driving!'
"'Yes, you are, DEAR I agree,
brightly. will you please give Eddie
some of the
"'The committee ought to have the
long grass on the tenth moved Ed
ward breaks in, fiercely. It's a dis
grace to the club! The caddies delib-
crately lose the balls in that grass.
nearly reported my caddy today
paid no attention to the game at all.
made fine drive and he was look
ing the other way! T.
'Boo-ho-o-oo!' some one of the chill
dren walls when hunger grows unen-
durable. Then Edward peers about
him unseeingly and wants to know
what on earth ails Eddie or Jane.
suggest that if they get share of the
dinner they may feel better.
Sometimes I go out to the club to
join Edward for dinner. If you are
on the terrace when the golfers come
in, hot and grimy and disheveled after
their round, you get it full force. You
| see two men saving the air and shout.
ing like political convention and get
ting purple in the face and acting as
though they were just waiting to be
dared to jump at each other and claw
and scratch. But all in the world that
is happening is that one of them is ex
planning why he lost stroke at sew
enth hole and the other is insisting
that he should by good rights have
lost two If he had scored correctly
| Or, maybe one Of them is saying the
green at the eleventh hole slopes VI
and the other is declaring that II
slopes down.
Il admire the reserve force in 9
| golfer. He will tramp five miles un
der sun that would fry eggs, using
up good muscle swatting a bal
around, and arrive at the club looking
as though he was going to die oi
apoplexy, if not just plain exhaustion
AS you wildly start to bring him first
aid to the injured another golfer in
like condition makes some remark tc
which he objects and then they're of
I at mile minute gait, arms whir
ring like windmills, quarreling over
the best way to get a ball out of the
gully behind the twelfth green.
'The winners are the worst. They
take shower and put on their nifti
est clothes and prance up and dowr
all that evening, explaining just how
bad the other fellows were. Col
| is the only game in which it is sports
manlike to run down your opponent
It is really expected of you and if yor
don't do it you are instantly suspect
ed Of being no gentleman.
"Still, I approve of golf clubs
they're such nice places to go for {
dinner on hot night when your cool
has left!"-Chicago Daily News.