The Prescott daily news., 1912-09-10
IN THE CLUTCHES
 OF GOLF FRENZY

lnere IS nothing else so sad" de- clared the woman who had the floor. as to view a strong man in the clutches of that perfidious disease. the golf fever. He becomes as a small boy who runs home joyously to relate how he played keeps and won all the marbles from the other small boys, or else wants comfort because they won his marbles. After a successful afternoon at his club Edward returns to his family so excited that he doesn't know whether the dish before him Is pickled doormats or porterhouse steak He begins talking at once, while I sit waiting for a break in his talk, SO that l can ring for more butter or ask for water, and while the children, hold on to their chairs by main force, starving to death because he has for gotten to serve them, and they know papa must not be interrupted when, he is talking.
 "'Yes. Edward says, I licked 'em, today! Never saw such score Business of fishing score card from pocket.) Why, the third and sixth and seventh made in two less than bogey-think of it, two less! And the first and fourth and the next. three over the twelfth I did in bogey and the others in just one over--no, by love, I did the nineteenth in less than bogey. tool
 "Why! I murmur. That was a score, certainly! Will you pass
 Hopkins plays a close game Ed ward proceeds cheerily. I had to look sharp to- win over him. thought was lost when he did that 220-yard drive at the third hole, and if I do say It. I'm strong on driving!'
 "'Yes, you are, dear I agree, brightly will you please give Eddie some of the-'
 "'The committee ought to have the long grass on the tenth moved Ed ward breaks in, fiercely. It's dis grace to the club. The caddies delib- erately lose the balls in that grass. nearly reported my caddy today paid no attention to the game at all. made fine drive and he was look ing the other way! I-'
 "'Boo-ho-o-oo!' some one of the chll- dren walls when hunger grows unen- durable. Then Edward peers about him unseeingly and wants to know what on earth ails Eddie or Jane. I suggest that if they get share of the dinner they may feel better
 Sometimes I go out to the club to join Edward for dinner. If you are on the terrace when the golfers come in, hot and grimy and disheveled after their round, you get it full force. You see two men saving the air and shout ing like political convention and get ting purple In the face and acting as though they were just waiting to be dared to jump at each other and claw and scratch. But all in the world that is happening Is that one of them Is ex- blaming why he lost a stroke at sev- enth hole and the other Is insisting that he should by good rights have lost two If he had scored correctly. Or, maybe one of them Is saying the green at the eleventh hole slopes up and the other is declaring that 1t slopes down.
 T admire the reserve force in golfer. He will tramp five miles un- der sun that would fry eggs, using up good muscle swatting a ball around, and arrive at the club looking as though he was going to die of apoplexy, If not just plain exhaustion. AS you wildly start to bring him first aid to the injured another golfer In like condition makes some remark to which he objects and then they're off at a mile a minute gait, arms whir- ring like windmills, quarreling over the best way to get a ball out of the gully behind the twelfth green.
 "The winners are the worst. They take a shower and put on their nifti- est clothes and prance up and down all that evening, explaining just how bad the other fellows were. Golf is the only game in which 1t Is sports manlike to run down your opponent. It is really expected of you and If you don't do 1t you are instantly suspect ed of being no gentleman.
 "Still, approve of golf clubs they're such nice places to go for a dinner on hot night when your cook has left!"-Chicago Daily News.