davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
MIcRoBE LOST HOPE.

A lonely 'microbe disleartened and
ready to die because the public health
service is rapidly putting all his ilk
where they can do humanity no harm.
peeked over the edge Of Assistant Sur.
geon General George Fuckers desk
the other day and heard the doctor
humming ditty that went like this:
"A fly and flea, mosquito and
louise, all lived together In a very
dirty house. The flea spread the plague
and the skeeter spread the chills. All
louise spread typhus, too. Folks In
bills. The fly spread typhoid and the
louise spread typhus too. Folks in
that house were a mighty sickly crew.
Along came a man and he cleaned up
the house. He screened out the
skeeters and swatted the louise. The
fly and the flea he cracked ON the
wall. Now the people In that house
are never sick at ALL"
WELL" piped up the microbe, that's
all right as far as 1t goes, but it strikes
me you've been bit partial in this
thing. How about the bedbug? Where
does he get OFF,"
He's going to get of pretty quick"
returned the doctor. $50 far the bed
bug has been able to prove an alibi,
but I've put the sanitary detective on
his trail and I'll get him yet"
Whereupon the microbe. seeing the
Jig was up, committed suicide by jump
ing into the inkwell.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20

Charles william Hugh, In the army,
who died at the head OF the Seven
teenth Lancers at Diamond Hills,
A tall, rangy lad, yellow.haired and
blue-eyed, the Baron Gresham would
be typically American If he might ex-
change a slight English accent for .
few pieces of American slang.
His flrst announcement was that.
while primarily interested in Aneri-
can girls. he had never been exposed
to the love bug, and did not intend to
select the future Lady tChesham until
after he had served his term in the
army. The announcement followed a
direct and personal question intended
to be leading.
More than anything else have no
ticed your American girls, and think
them ripping. more interesting and
more human, though not SO pretty,
perhaps, as the English girls, and
but, say, old fellow. this won't be
printed in London What?
"You know they have picked me for
q military career over home, and If
they knew I was looking over the
American girls they would send the
Coldstream Guards after me-"
Lord Chesham had just returned
from fishing and hunting trip
through British Columbia and Is on
his way home.
Press cuttings" told of his bag
OF owl civ IL Id
Il say. you fellows are wonderful
guessers," he laughed, as he looked
over some Of the cuttings" Il shot
a pheasant and sparrow and caught
some fish which uncle said were so
small that / ought to throw them
back, and did"
Uncle, by the way, Is Colonel VIII
liam Edwin Cavendish, lieutenant COL
onel of the Grenadier Guards. The
Colonel and Mrs Cavendish and Miss
Bettine Cavendish, like her cousin,
more American than English, accom-
pany the young baron.
Il like your country and wish I
could stay while, but uncle seems
to think he had better get me back
to Buckingham before l elope with
some of these pretty girls. But, you
know, haven't met one of them"
The Baron comes Of one of the
Oldest and wealthiest Of English fam
lilies of the nobility. He is a descend
ant of the first Earl of Burlington and
the First Duke of Devonshire, a cousin
of the eighth Duke of Devonshire and
of the latter's brother, Lord Caven-
dish, Chief Secretary of Ireland, who
was murdered in Phoenix Park, Dub
lin, by the revolutionary faction
known as the "Invincibles."
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
MULES PLOW FIELDS ALONE
Maryland Farmer Succeeds In Train
ing Animals to Work Without
Driver.

Glendale, Del-Colonel Benson, a
prominent farmer and a great lover Of
animals, has succeeded in training a
pair of mules to pillow a field without
driver and now sits beneath the
shade of tree and watches his prize
team do the blowing. Colonel Benson
few years ago had a team of mules
with which he plowed, which wore no
harness except the traces and which
he guided by shouted directions.
This year he has gone his past per-
Torrance one better and 1t is a cur:
Gus sight to find the colonel leaning
on the fence by the road, chatting
with anyone who drives along while
the mules are blowing as straight a
furrow and doing as fine work as If
an expert driver were handling the
reins.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
PRESIDENT FOR A DAY.

In the talk about electing presi-
dents Of the United States 1t is re-
called that Senator David Rice Atch-
ison Of Clay county. Mo-. claimed the
unique distinction Of holding the Of.
nee OF president Of the United States
for one day. The terms Of Office of
President James X. Polk and of Vice
President George M. Dallas termin-
ated by limitation on Saturday night
at midnight, March 4, 1849. Gen.
Zachary Taylor. Folks successor, was
not inaugurated until Monday, March
s, 1S49. Senator Atchison was at the
time president pro tenn. of the United
States senate. The expiration Of vice
President Dal.as' term left a vacancy
to which Senator Atchison instantly
succeeded This made him ex-of1icio
vice-presiaent of the United States.
but at she same instant there was
likewiee vacancy in the presidential
ONCE, to which in turn Atchison in
stEnckF succeeded.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20

which to live in America. 1t is not
that they are exclusive. 1t is not that
they are particular. People who have
money-and money is easily made in
America-are not necessarily fit as
sociates for cultivated people.
But with their money they are able
to get property close by the homes Of
people who do not V ish to associate
with them, and, therefore, the latter
must move or be regarded as snobs.
There are today many common people
with money enough to buy homes in
refined residence places-and most of
them have done so. I do not mean to
reflect upon the common people, for
they are necessary to the economic
development Of the world, but am
not compelled to have social relations
with people whom I do not like" de-
clares l. Townsend Burden, Jr.
Townsend Burden, who is, a men,
Der of Meadowbrook and Rockaway
clubs and one of the best known polo
players in America, about Is months
ago married Miss Florence Sheedy, of
Denver, Colo. the wedding being made
notable by a check for 81 100000 CIV
en- the bride as her dover by her faith
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Tvpesettino In China.

In the new edition OF China II
Transformation" by Archibald r
Colquhoun, which has just been pub
lished by the Harpers, the author
discusses many interesting phases Of
present conditions In China. Judging
from his reports, labor-union man
would leave China shattered wreck
in few days. for he would find that
,coolie labor can be obtained in any
amount for Is cents a day. and won.
en- for II cents. Mr.. Colquhoun found
much interest in watching the Chi.
nese compositors at work setting
up type in their native language.
The compositors of China must be
men in good condition. for a font OF
type contains 10000 characters. and
covers the entire length Of big
room. 1t is quite probable that in set
ting a sticAful the compositor is com.
PEELED to walk at least a mile.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
LIGHT HOUSEKEEPING DIScoh
CONTINUED.

Secretary Franklin MacVeagh will
not permit any more chatting dish par
ties In the Treasury building. The
MONDAY parties, the daily teas and
dainty hot luncheons have been dis
continued. For many years clerks Of
the treasury have made merry over
the chatting dish at noon, but there
will be no more Of that and everybody
will have to go out to get lunch. The
sanitary committee Of the department
recommended that the secretary have
the little eating parties discontinued
and all cooking utensils removed.
Light housekeeping in Uncle Sans
money chest is a thing Of the past.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
FAvoRs A RETIREMENT LAW.

III there were retirement law for
the clerks employed by Uncle Sam IN
the various departments ut Washing
ton. the civil service would not be
cluttered up by = small army Of aged
and inefficient clerks" said w. r.
Hayes. former congressman from Nc
braska, the other day.
"As It is now. NO head Of depart
ment or bureau chief will discharge
man or woman who has BEEN faith
full worker for 80 years or more, be-
cause old age has impaired the usefui'
ness of the employee. Asa result there
are hundreds, II not thousands. VINO
are kept on the rolls merely as mat
ter Of humanity. II dismissed they
would in many instances be thrown
upon the charity of the world, for It IL
utterly out of the question that pri'
vate employment could be obtained
for them.
The stupidity Of the clerks them.
selves has been one Of the chief rea'
sons why liberal retirement law has
failed OF passage for all these years.
The clerks can never agree on any
policy among themselves. Many OF
them obstinately contend that the gov
eminent has no right to withhold q
dollar OF their salaries to go into a
pension fund for retired clerks, ig.
noring the recognized improvidence OF
that large per cent. Of employees who
never save a penny Of their salaries.
1t would be an act of beneficence to-
ward this class II a portion Of their
wages was regularly retained.
Internationally, it would be cheap
er for the government to give a PEN
sion outright to those whose faculties
are decayed, and to rut young and
vigorous people in the place of the
superannuateds Every other first.class
nation In the world save the United
States has some kind Of pension
scheme for its civil servants. that of
Canada. especially, beiag model"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Thinks Baths Not Necessary.

Not having taken a bath in twenty
years is the record Of Ezekiel Parker
a farmer living in the northern part
of Craven county, N. G.. Several days
ago he related the cause Of his alb
sence from the tub for such long
time. when was youngster."
said Mr.. Parker. my mother took a
delight in having me take bath ev-
cry day in the year. Rain or shine.
hot or cold, I was compelled to I'M
merse myself in the tub. After my
mother died took no more baths.
My health began to improve after
stopped bathing SO much and there
Is not a man in this country who Is
more healthy than am" Mr.. Park
er is almost giant in size. His face
Is ruddy and he looks the perfect pic.
ture of health, and from all outward
appearance will live to a ripe old
age.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
DrIvIno an ALLIGATOR.

Using child's toy wagon and al
lowing himself to be drawn about by
an alligator, is one Of the queer meth
DDS adopted by German sportsman
to win a wager. says Popular Me.
chanics. He claimed In converse
ton with a friend that there were no
less than 10000 methods Of locomo-
ton, and in the dispute that followed
he wagered that he could prove It,
The bet was taken up by the friend
and trip around the world was I'm.
dertaken to try out all the various
kinds OF transportation, and incident
ally to devise some new ones. The
alligator stunt was carried out at the
alligator farm at Los Angeles, Cal.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
1921, e24,os4 CIGARETTES.

II cigarette smoking is As deadly as
some of the antis make out, this coun-
try will soon be inhabited exclusively
by imbeciles.
During the fiscal year 1912. the tidy
number of 11,221 .621,OS4 cigarettes
was smoked in this country, an aver
age OF about 1928 for every man, wom-
an and child. 1nasmuch as not all
men and women and few children be-
fore the walking age smoke cigarettes,
the average consumption for those
who do is considerably larger than
l2s.
This eleven billion odd Is an in
crease Of two billions over the con-
sumption of 1911, and Secretary Mac
Veagh and his department officials
confess they cannot explain this vast
Jump.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20

district.
Every day, from 9 until 2 o'clock,
she may be found in house In the
slums, where she conducts free kin
dergarten for children. Here are gath
cred a happy company of little waits
from homes Of poverty and squalor.
With the gracious and kindly southern
lady to guide them, the children learn
how to do many useful things. They
also receive clean clothing and are
given nourishing food.
In addition to the kindergarten
work, Miss Averill conducts class
tor mothers, and one afternoon each
week the women OF the district gather
In the coy clubrooms; there to enjoy
\ social chat. some good music, and In
cidentally to receive instruction in
many household matters and subjects
pertaining to child rearing.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Oldes* Riddle Known,

The oldest riddle known is that one
asked by Samson, in Judges 14:14-18:
"Cut of the eater came forth meat.
and out of the strong came sweet
ness" 1t was naturally impossible
for the guests at his wedding feast to
solve the riddle for it referred to that
very uncommon incident Of the bees
making honey in the carcass OF a
lion, The old translators used the
word meat In the sense Of food, its
real meaning in the seventeenth CEN
fury. This riddle dates from possibly
a thousand years before the Christian
era, and is evidence of the very an
cient custom of telling riddles or ask
ing difficult questions.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Beyond Even Ty Cobb.

The baseball reporters English is
weird and wonderful. says the Wash
ington Star, and apropos of it there
is story about the great Ty Cobb
In a New York hotel two college pro-
fessors watched Ty Cobb bent over q
newspaper.
Look at that poor fellows frowns
and mutterings,' said the first profess
sor, with that journal"
EYES," said the other, "he can't
make it out, you know"
Cant make 1t out, Ell? Can't even
:ead! These baseball players!
knew they were an uneducated lot"
"Oh," said the other. ''Ty's educated
all right enough: but that's the base
ball page he's got there"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20

by the nuns as an academy for young
women. These sisters have their
mother house In England. Their larg.
est convent in the United States Is at
Sharon Hill. near Philadelphia.
Mrs. Ryan's gift to the Holy Child
nuns follows a long list of benefac-
tons to the Catholic church and to
non-sectarian institutions. These in
clude million dollar cathedral, rec
tory and other buildings at Richmond.
Va; a school and Z wing to hos
pital at Richmond: three Catholic
churches in other Virginia towns; a
chapel for the Jesuits at st. Andrews
on-Hudson; chapel at Tucson, Ariz.,
and funds for the support Of other
chapels In Arizona, New Mexico and
Indian Territory; the endowment Of
rooms for sick telephone girls and
nurses at various hospitals; scholar
ships at four colleges and four con-
vents; hospital and a chapel for the
Sisters Of Charity costing $150,000 at
Suffern; hospital for consumptivss
near Phoenix, Aciz.; the establishment
of the Order of the Perpetual Adora-
ton in this country and convent
and chapel for the order at Washing
ton, D. c.; the building Of monu-
ments on all the battlefelds of Vir.
ginia, the state in which Mrs. Ryan
and her husband were born, and a
great many gifts to institutions
throughout the country which are de-
voted to fighting. tuberculosis.
Mrs. Ryan's gifts to charity years
ago came to the attention of the pope
and the Papal court has made known
it's gratitude to her for her charities
many times. In 1904 she was deco
rated by Pope Plus x.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Iowa State Bystandsi
sYsTANpER PUB. CO.. Publishers.
jpEs Mo,NEs. iowa
PROVED VALUE OF THE WIRE
Record Of First Telegram by Means
Of Which . Criminal Was
Z Caught.

The FIRST case Of q criminal being
brought to Justice by means OF the
electric telegraph took place few
months ago after. the extension OF the
system to Slough in 1874. A muir.
der had been committed at Salt HILL
aud upon hearing OF the occurrence
the vicar Of Upton-cum-C halvey. Rev.
=. T. Champnes, was informed that
the last person seen to leave the
house was man wearing the dress
Of . Quaker. o...
Mr.. Champnes at once conceived
the idea that the suspected person
had probably fed to London, and act
ing upon this suspicion, FASTENED to
Slough station. where man answer
ing to the description was seen by
the vicar to pass through the book
ing office. Communicating his sus-
picions to Mr.. Howell. the station
superintendent, the latter caused .
telegram to be sent on.
This il the telegram which raced
land beat) the train to Paddington:
"A murder has been committed at
Salt Hill and the suspected murder
er was seen to take a first-class tick
ct for London by the train which
left Slough at h. ~ m. P, M. He Is
in the garb of a Quaker. with brown
greatcoat which reaches nearly down
to his feet; he Is in the last COM
partment Of the second first-class
carriage"
The following reply was received
from Paddington:
"The up train has arrived and
person answering in every respect
the description given by telegraph
came out of the compartment men,
toned. pointed the man out to
Sergt. Williams. The man got into
a New Road omnibus and Sergt. VIII
liams into the same"
The New Road referred to Is the
present Easton Road.
It Is but fair to add that the mis-.
creant, who proved to be a forger re-
turned from a twenty-one years trans
portation. had already been discard
ed by the Society of Friends. The
prisoner. Tawell by name. and once
well-known city man, was committed
to jail at Aylesbury and finally sur
fered the extreme penalty OF the law.
Railway Magazine.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Word Curiosities.

It is impossible to kick" man
in French. You must give him a
blow with the foot" The Portu'
guese do not wink" at one. They
"close and open the eyes" In the
languages Of many semi-civilizet
tribes there is no word with which
to convey the idea Of stealing" per
haps because the idea Of property I.
90 vague. It is related Of one Of the
early missionaries that, :. attempt
ing to translate the Bible into Algon
quin, he could find no word to ex
press '1ove." and was compelled tc
invent it.-Tit-Bits
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20

Holy CnuQ At
SuHern. N. Y. OF
property valued
at $250.000 serves
to draw attention
to the splendid
work this noble
woman is doing In
behalf Of religion.
education and hui
manity. The prop
erty at Sufsrn
consists Of a tEe
mansion and Is
acres of ground.
and will be used
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
! For Experts to Quarrel Over.

:
When clearing out a garnet in his
oflcial residence, the other day. the
new mayor. of Saint Armand (Loirs Ell
Cher. Central France, M. Emile Du'
mas, discovered a beautiful portrait
painted ON wood OF Charles dam
boise, Due de Chaumont. who was
governor of Milan in tho reign Of
Louis XII, and who died in 1911
Experts state that the picture Is
either by Leonardo da Vinci (painte1
OF "The Last Supper" from Milan
and Of la Gioconda," lost from thu
Louvre last year) or by Andrea de-
Gobbo, one Of da Vinci's pupils
There is already a picture OF Charles
d'Amboise, by del Gobbo. in the
Louvre. @ ~
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20

BOIL . AV,VVV o~ASS
of the land which
fell to Sir william
Cavendish In the
dissolution Of the
monastery lands
In Cardinal VOL
sey's time. 10 In
America passing
eighteen year old
ju d g m e n on
American girls.
He is preparing
to follow in the
footsteps of his
elder brot b err
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20

Sol1lS co SOl
crowded and over.
run with people
Of every class
that the better
class Of folks are
DESTROYS of max
ing some other
place their head
quarters"
There Is no
use hiding or try
ing to hide the
fact that people Of
fashion have no
proper place in
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
On the safe Side.

"I'm going to learn the deaf and
dumb language"
what fort" ..... ..
"so's the next time I go after a
bride no measly little photograph can
catch me-" ''"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
A KENTUCKY HEIRESS
DOING CHARITY WORK
The fact that she is wealthy heir
ess does not cause Miss Rebecca Cor

NoA4 Az o. Ill VI
Frankfort, KY, to
lead an idle. USE
less life. On the
contrary, she is
one of the most
active women in
her state, in the
cause Of suffering
humanity. Miss
Averill is noted In
her city for the
splendid work she
is doing for the
children of Frank
forts Tenderloin
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Alexander2 Poufl

Alexander the Great was less than
thirty-fve years old when he conquer
ed Darius and became the master Of
the world" 80
what Of It? Lavender vas less
than that when he beat the Giants
and stopped Rube Marquard's winning
streak, wasn't he?"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Star Helped Revolution.

A star so bright that it could be
seen in the daytime helped the revolu.
ton in China. The superstitious peo-
pie believed that the star was an au.
curry that the gods favored change
Of dynasty. .
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Lends Atmosphere,

"She is in great demand as q
bridesmaid" -alss.s ..1-n
"Wonder why? She is neither pretty
nor stylish" 49,
But she can sob beautifully and
all the brides like that"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
He Had.

You have never thought seriously
Of marriage, have you?" " &#'
Many time"
h, Then how is it you have never mar
ried?"
That's the reason" ~ 1; y n
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Reas,otInably sure.

"But remember that my, saying yes
I doesn't settle 1t. You still have pa.
pas consent to gain. Vi
"Oh, I'm not worrying about that
he replied. Il am holding several
thousand dollars worth Of your
fathers collateral" \.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
No onense.

@Your wife referred to you as IT,
did she not" asked the lawyer.
eyes, but / don't believe she meant
anything unkind by that. She fire.
quently referred to her pet dog in the
same way" ;g
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
STYLE Hubby Likes.

Mrs. Shortly was discussing the lat.
est fashions with young lady caller.
did you say your husband was
fond OF those clinging gowns, .Mae?'
Eyes; he likes one to cling to me
for about three years"-Lippincott's.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Must Not Dance

Fayette City. Pa.-Each applicant
for position as teacher In the pub
lie schools in Allen township is asked
to sign an iron clad agreement not to
dance during her service in the
school.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Vouched For,

The Senator's Wife Tin Washington
You are sure they are nice people.
Augusta?
The Senator's Daughter Yes, NAM
ma. Their father is owned by the
same trust that owns papa. Puck.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Wealthy Chauffeur

Bayshore, l.. Frank knight a
chauffeur who inherited $4,000, said
that he will not give up his Job. He
is employed by wealthy summer
resident. Il s5 4 Ii
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Need laborers,

Pittsburgh, Pa.-Scarcity of labor
here has resulted in employers going
to police stations and paying the fines
Of men who are willing to go to work
for them.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-09-20
Call Men Walters InsoIent.

Newport, r. Mrs. o. H. r Dr.
mont says men waters are "insolen!,
arrogant and likely to become tlpsy'
and for that reason she will empio'
only mattresses for her dinner to M'''
Inez Mulholland.