New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1912-05-19

AM simultaneously by three H.
men AMI two women whom YOU
had ne..~ seen before, and were
compel 20 dcciphcr it at once,
and to mply Immediately with the concealed demands
in the a., completely different cases, find yourself
out on the ,,rcct without your job2 What would you
do, AM v.' all over America there are young men,
and in some instances young women who under Just
such PEN ~ are called upon to solve the Gpher IN
fash. IL, answer 50 to spcak-every night in the
week bu. sunday, and forty weeks IN the year. not
counting .';ntcs on Wednesdays Saturdays and non
days Permit me, Ladies and Gentlemen 70 introduce
TO you Oh. heater usher!
Their . popular halucination in many sections OF
our cou--. o. the effect that the duty Of theatcr
usher imply % receive the seat check from the mem
Der Of respective audience, and TO exchange that
check . chair for which its letter and number call
As %, fact this is no more the sole duy ol an
usher than be sole duty Of an actor IS to act Just as IL
expo. ii an actor that he get married every o'he
year assure newspaper reporters that he once played
with Mansfield wear spas and call Klaw and Erlanger
name So. an usher duty to do exactly fourteen sep
arate and distinct things besides seating the audience
His imperative duties are:
q TO deliver jccw;ttcr 10 everyone who wants IT.
70 II, say that it has been filtered.
g. TO r.,sscrt that it has been filtered
a. TO swear before Heaven that 1t has been inferred
% TO pass out programs without dropping them
g. TO point out the cloak, the checking, ana the
smoking rooms with the forcngcr Of the right hand at
one and the time.
q 10 know the critics seats without looking at the
checks
IS 10 wear dress suit six nights in the week WIN
out swearing aloud
- To make women remove their hats without Doi's
called "Nou impudcnt fellow, How dare YOU
90 TO throw back the velvet curtains ior It
box party IN such Il cautious manner that inc tIHcc
years Of accumulated dust and dirt thereon VIII HoC
fly off and suioc1tc the party before the performance
begin
III To tell four inqustvc persons out OF every HVc
what time the curtain goes up, and to tell the" WHY
hasn't gone up yet if it hasn't.
~ TO help women look for hatplns ana otIcI
thing they have dropped on the floor under their
seats, and no, % look ike crook if the lost article Cal"
not be found
H3 TO refuse all gratuitics with the air OF one VINO
doesn't wan, thcm-whcn his heart is really Drc''Klils
IA TO ask all members Of the audience on thc emu
seats % keep their canes feet coats, ana wraps oe' "
me aisle; u request men standccs 10 remove ui' '
and 70 paciy everyone who complains OF draft ny u.s.
Sunng them there is no draft when ne, the u'licI'
caught the grip only the night before from that very
same draft
Of cour IN article Of this sort, it would be impoS-
able % chronicle all the duties Of usher; 50 nave
eontentcd myself with citing only the simpler ones
ouch indvlduas.ts in their way, believe that d
,ieaIT usher Is Il mere automaton Ike any cieVa.oi
10Y OF college professor Of higher mathematics, are ar
iron being right
The average ushcr-in the thcaters Of New York, at
least is a combination Of bookkccpcr, doctor detec
I'VE politician, diplomat actor, cocutionst, gentle
man. bounccr pcddlcr and guide. If he IS not all OF
ee things, he be part Of them, or ne VIII ma
himself bercit Of his job And the head usher must DC
an he things cited and must be a beau into the bargain
ne must wear evening clothes with all the grace OIL