davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27
by THE WAY
By HARVEY PARSONS.

Major Dodd CASTOR may be an au-
thority upon agricultural subjects, but
his infrequent flights into nautical
problems are to the bad. Lashing
ones self to the gunnel might be ac-
com pliShed by using a kettle of glue (;
otherwise it would be much like lash
ing something to a smooth brick wall.
The gunnel, being a low, solid fence
around the roof garden of boat, does
poses, but as a figure of speech, 1t
comes handy a superlatlve Tor
full Full to the scuppers," indi-
eating a complete fullness, as the
scuppers are the eave-spouts OF the
ship, may be improved upon by fuii
to the gunnel," indicating that the full
ness has reached the flood stage.
AS the proper use of nautical terms
is highly important in Kansas, we reel
constrained to set Major CASTOR right
in the matter.
And now that both poles have been
discovered, it is herebey moved that an
expedition be sent out to discover, II
possible, Hon. Roosevelts position on
the tariff.
Add t. r.: One may note that a
pair of great military celebrities nave
been touring New York Colonel
eral Apathy.
Bulletin: E. B. c. has discontinued
his daily five-mile lope- 1t was taken
to reduce weight. When he began 1t,
he weighed 239. Twelve days later he
cracked the scales at 247. Later:
Still rising.
The Chicago bartender who shot
waiter to improve his speed, had the
placed six inches behind the subject
will get results, but authorities do not
recommend a shot through the middle.
Another administration spotter has
been dragged away from. the pleasant
occupation of reforming Wicked Wlch-
tia. 1t appears that the attractions
of the job caused him to forget that
he had wife and flock of small chli-
dren in another part of the state
Somehow woman always thinks
her husband loves her more if he per-
sists in calling her by some fool pet
name"
Taking ancestral pride" is a safe
recreation. The ancestors are too
blamed dead to interfere.
Retribution is something you think
should eventually overtake some 9TH
er people.
Flows your cold ?" has almost TAX
en- the place of How are you?' as a
greeting.
A Topeka gent wants a divorce from
his wife because he found two other
gents hiding under her kitchen stove.
But their conduct may be easily eX-
planned if it CHANGED to be the only
coal stove in the block. They were
merely trying to get warm.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27
THE FTGHTING MANS wAII.

I've hiked for Uncle Samuel. and I've
never shirked a bit,
I've trod the dusty highways and have
never Jagged quit;
Nobody's heard me holIer when an order
came to fit
But. Uncle. please don't send me down
to Texas.
I'm sick of fightin' shadders where the
Rio Grande flows;
OF huntin' for excitement where excite
ment never grows;
m sick of whiskbroom service in dustin
up my clothes,
So. Uncle. please don't send me down
to Texas.
They. say they have cool summers in the
land of Timbuctoo,
But down along the border they never,
never do,
And a comp'ny. after drillin', is just a
human stew,
So. Uncle. please don't send me down
to Texas.
Wed welcome far-or China. or the jun
giles of the East,
But this twirlin' thumbs and waitin' is
the job that suits the least;
we've sent out picture pOStalS till our
interest has ceased
So, Uncle, please don't send US down
to Texas.
Denver Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27
DAFFYDLLS
gY u. NoALL-

Because the Atlantic ocean washes
everything ashore would you call 1t an
awful tidy ocean?
(Throw him lifeline, boys. He's
too weak to hold onto IT'D
If Marmion killed the Saxons what
did Rhoderick Dhu?
Gle called for hash and they gave
him a little bit of everything in the
restaurant-)
If girl cried between the parlor
and the library would she shed por-
there's?
(That mans not guilty of murder.
He merely killed a spring poet-)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27
EVENING CHAT
BY RUTH CAMERON.

What is it," runs witty conundrum.
which everyone is willing to give and no
one wishes to take?' And the answer, as
you perhaps know, is Advice"
AS regards the cold shower bath OF
honest advice. advice against some be-
loved project, this conundrum certainly
has the truth of it. But that is not the
kind of advice which most people ask for
give.
At the embroidery counter OF dry
goods store, q woman standing beside me
was examining piece of embroidery. Al
though the pattern of the piece was most
dainty, the material was so extremely
sheer as to make the thing very perish
able. That the trimming would never do
for anything which was to receive much
wear was so evident that the most igno-
rant in such matters could hardly have
failed to realize it. I verify believe that
even a mere man would have known IT,
The woman evidently realized all this,
but she was so fascinated by the pretty
pattern that she couldn't bear to give the
thing up. Finally, after having inspected
several other embroideries and always
returned to this one, she appealed to the
clerk. IF this were Iaundered carefully
she questioned, don't you think II would
do for an everyday petticoat?" Even tho
clerks desire to make sale couIdn'r
quite bring enthusiastic response
from her. ut might" she said rather
doubtfully. I couldn't stop to see 81 the
woman bought the embroidery or not but
went away meditating this little ex-
ample of the way most OF us ask advice
not wishing to be told the bracing. helm
full truth but in the hope OF being as
sured that what we want to do. and know
isn't right is right.
If you will notice. people seldom ask ad-
vice in a direct question. More often they
saw Don't you think so-and-so2'' go
and-so" being what they think or rather
what they want to think. Whereupon the
average person, having been given his cue
so plainly, answers promptly that he does
think 'so-and-so.
Most of us like Macbeth ''wouIdst not
play false and yet wouldst wrongly win
We want to do what we want to do, and
vet we want the approval of our con-
science, too. And II our conscience Is
strong enough to refuse to yield that ar
prevail, we are very much inclined to an
peal to other people to supply the lack
Fortunate indeed is he who has friends
who will not give him that kind OF nd-
vice who will ignore the cue OF his si1ls-
gestive questions and the mental IN
fluence of his wish TO have his desire con
firmed and will really tell him the truth
Advice like this is cold shower hath
which. unpleasant though its first shoctC
may be. braces and fnvigorates. while al
vice of the other kind is the aereenbfe
warm bath that lulls and sootheE but ~
the same time enervates.
Fortunate the man or woman who nor
only can get such heaithfui advice b,It
has the strength OF mind not to tuvn
away from It
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Governor Hunt of Arizona looms up
as another of those servants of the
people who is Electrically inclined. In
order to get prominent place in the
limelight he voluntarily passed a night
in the states penitentiary, locked up in
q, cell. The next morning he marched
with the convicts to the dining room
and partook of their frugal fare. The
capers that many men in public life
cut these days are as astonishing as
they are ridiculous. Presumably Gov
ernor Hunt will have the entire con-
Wet vote of Arizona when he seeks
political preferment again.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27
KANSAS COMAENT


IDEA OF OBERLIN FARMER
Otis L. Benton OF Decatur county. the
man who helped hundreds of farmers get
their seed wheat last fall, urges hts
neighbors to build good ponds and care
far the water supply on their places.
In an open letter to these farmers and
to the people generally. Mr.. Benton ad-
v1ses that reservoirs be built for the con-
servation Of rainfall, and that slips OF
cottonwood and willow be set IN the
moist earth at the edges of the dam this
spring. This is to make the dam solid.
and later on to supply the farm with
renee posts and fuel. He offers a prize or
five dollars for wheat which will aver
age ten bushels per acre; seven dollars
and half for fifteen bushels per acre:
and ten dollars for twenty bushels per
acre, If the farmers. severally. will build.
one or more reservoirs of a capacity OF
two-acre feet Of water. Mr. Benton's de-
sign is for these 100 farmers to set tie
example for other farmers. and he looks
for the county TO be dotted with ponds
and groves of young timber within few
years. For water conserved is moisture
gained, and the added evaporation. II
nothing more, will be worth the labor OF
making the ponds. He occasionally Is
asked. What If my wheat does not go
ten bushels per acre2" His reply IS.
Then you will be pond ahead, IL moth
ing more. Mr.. Benton also offers
premiums for kaffir corn, sorghum. milo
maize, Indian corn, butter. eggs. colts,
mules and calves.-Minneapolis Messer-
ger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

sibiIity for his posing as Kimmel. 1t
win also be a convenient way for the
life insurance companies involved to
wash their linen.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Bud Mars predicts that there will
be 200 fatalities among the aviation en-
thusiasts during the coming summer
and fall Nor win most of these lives
be sacrificed in the interests of science.
They viii be lost through the efforts of
aviators to get rich quick by attempt
ing the foolhardy in the pursuit of
valuable prizes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

HE has not followed the will O. the
wisp nor has he chased rainbows.
Steadfastly, with dignity and effective
ness and tireless energy he has done
his work" This is John Wanamaker's
estimate of President Taft and his oc-
complishments. 1t tells the whole
story in a few words. It shows Presi-
dent Taft to be the kind of a presi-
dent that this country needs.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

They are fixing up way to let the
imam of mystery who insists that he
is George A. Kimmel out of his di-
1emma. An operation is to be per-
formed on his skull to relieve a pres
sure on his brain. If this operation is
ii success. and the patient survives the
shock, it viii be easy sailing for him
to claim that his real memory has
been restored to him. In this way he
will be able to dodge all the respon-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Friends are also convenient to blame
things on.
X \
An old maid is likely to treat with
much kindness the folk who know her
age.
X
Too many mems idea of justice is
a law for others that should not be APP
piled to themselves.
X
Speaking of nerve, how about the
man who will borrow snow shovel
from man who has snow shovels to
sell?
A married man doesn't need to keep
his own failings in mind. His wife will
call attention to them often enough.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

More of the professed Christians
should wake up to the fact as present
ed by DR.. Henderson of the First Con-
gregational church of Topeka that
singing Onward, Christian Soldiers
and offering up prayers on Sunday
morning in themselves do not consti-
fute true religion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Many of the Democrats in the
house are undoubtedly striving hard
these days to save their bacon. Some
of their leaders do not look with favor
on the passage of another public build
ings' appropriation bill, more common
~ known as "a pork barrel"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Petitions have been sent to the city
commission for an extension of the
white way system west on Ninth street
for one block In the course of time it
might be well, for a starter, to extend
this system one block east and west
Of Kansas avenue on all of the prin-
cIpal cross-town thoroughfares.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Nine out of ten of the Boston wom-
en- are reported to be either bow
legged or knock-kneed. This may be
due to their heavy brains and excess
sive culture. Carrying around such
unusual weight would have a tendency
to cause their lower extremities to
bend either out or in.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Completion of the formation of the
y. s. Baseball league has been an
nounced. All that it now needs for
successful season is a collection of
classy ball-players and most of the pat
ronage that has been going to the
major league clubs
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Governor Stubs communicates by
telephone or telegraph with a hundred
or two hundred of his henchmen in
Kansas. After getting their views
which are given in response to leading
questions, he announces emphatically
that the 50. or larger per cent of the
people OF Kansas, are with him on this
or that nronosition p.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

From the many pictures that are
being printed these days in the newspa-
pers and periodicals representing the
men who are prominent in the public
affairs of Great Britain it is safe to
assume that the badge of high public
office in that land is the silk hat.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

President Madero of Mexico would
undoubtedly be glad to exchange his
troubles with his brother, college
student in this country. who is merely
suffering from an attack of the
f1aaSIeS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

{ Virginia's authorities should accept
the services of the Hatfield gang to
hunt down the Aliens. This might re-
suit In the determination of both of
these clans.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Pluto grinned. 'sYou gotta quit kiclxin'
my dawg around" he said. One glance
at Cerberus delayed the song several
ages.-New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Improving.-''So you think our national
artistic sense is improving?" YES re-
piled the cruel critic Our statuary is
at least taken the wooden Indians from
in front of the cigar stores."-London NJ.
A P.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Nothing seems to satisfy the Roose-
welt promoters. At indianapolis when
they found they were beaten, they or
ganized d rump convention and UNI
dertook to select delegates of their own.
In New York, notwithstanding the
Overwhelming defeat of the friends of
Roosevelt, it is proposed by them to
hold another primary. They seem to-
tally unable to comprehend defeat Col
onel Roosevelt himself is not accus-
toned to it. so he left New York on
his western tour last evening in i'll
humor. One of his managers, Medi!f
Mccormick, who goes with him on mis-
western trip, declared that the Taft
managers in Indiana were guilty of
political grand larceny"
It was a bold capture, wasn't it:
AND now comes Colorado today holding
its convention, a temporary roll call
showing that President Taft has 702
of the delegates out of 902.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27


The readers naturally expect com
ment on these political movements. but
isn'tit a case really where it might al
most be said: Comment is unneces-
sary," it is so overwhelming The plans
of the Roosevelt followers everywhere
seem to gang a-gley,'' which in plain
English the reader understands means
upset; turned upside down or topsy-
turvy. The first presidential state wide
primary held in North Dakota, Roese-
ve1ts old home and where he is person
ally very popular, resulted in his over
whelming defeat by LaFollette, who is
recognized as the weakest of the presi-
Dental candidates Now the primary
in New York resulting disastrously to
| the Roosevelt people, is also decidedly
significant, one of the Roosevelt chair
men saying of the latter, 1T is an en-
tire breakdown of the election ma
chinery. The Roosevelt committee will
take steps, if there is a way, to have
real primary" All of which. goes 10
show that things are very unsatisfac-
tory, whatever the method, when they
do not go your way. This also points
out the difficulty and unsatisfactory re-
suits unless a primary is held under the
most careful laws and election safe
guards. In the Norths--Dakota case
Colonel Roosevelt's manager said that
in the primaries there 1.-THE Democrats
voted in and controlled the Republican
presidential primaries" This shows the
necessity of such safe guards that will
in Republican preferential primaries
limit the ballot to Republicans and not
leave the primaries open to other than
supporters of that party's policies.
AS a wolf was tapping at the head
of a running brook, he spied a stray
lamb padding at some distance down
the stream. Having made up his
mind to seize her, he bethought him
self how he might justify his violence.
'.Villain!" said he, running up to her,
how dare you muddle the water that
lamb. humbIy, Il do not see how /
can disturb the water, since it runs
from you to me, not from me to you"
BE that as it may replied the wolf,
''it was but a year ago that you call
ed me many i'll names. "Oh, sir"
said the lamb, trembling, "a year ago
l was not born WELL" replied the
wolf IF it was not you, it was your
father, and that is all the same; but
it is no use trying to argue me out of
my supper And without another
word he fell upon the poor helpless
lamb. and tore her to pieces.
This fable from Aesop fully illus
trates the position of the '1nsurgent'
Republicans 1t does not make any
difference to them what President
Taft does or what progressive meas
ures he champions and enacts into
law. what he advocates about the
tariff. they propose to attack him just
the same. Yesterday, based on the
businesslike report of the tariff com
mission, which is Investigating the
cotton situation, President Taft, in a
special message, strongly advocates
the revision downward of the cotton
schedule. This followed similar ac-
ton some time ago based by the presi-
dent upon a similar report
Will the Insurgents give President
Taft credit for this? No, not now.
After the nomination they probably
will.
At first our 'Insurgent' friends
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27
CHAPTER owl

The best laid schemes o. mice and men
Gang aft a-gley;
And leave us naught but grief and pain
For promised joy.
SO said Robert Burns over a hun
bred years ago, and so must say
to themselves today, the third term
boomers for Roosevelt, as they read
the returns yesterday, last night and
today from New York and Indiana,
remembering too the late defeat in
North Dakota. This same verse is
also suggested to Chairman Allen.
Boss Stubs, Resolute White and
other Roosevelt boosters in Kansas,
for they were quoted yesterday as
saying that they planned to carry
every district in Kansas; the commit
tee expressing doubt only as to the
First district, sure of the others.
Referring to the contest between
Taft and Roosevelt in New York yes
terday, the dispatches say: New
York state wide Republican primaries
for delegates to the National con-
vention at Chicago resulted in the
election of Taft candidates in prac-
tically every district where there was
a contest 1t is declared that at least
% VI IhS ~ UCAOs5eNNeo WI " -
and no more than seven for Roose-
Welt. From the districts reporting.
President Taft in the primary contest
in New York county received 20, 4O2
and Colonel Roosevelt 14,011.'
This is indeed remarkable, coming
from Roosevelt's own state and own
city-and then Indiana, too. Here the
Republicans held a convention yes
terday and adopted a resolution in
structing the delegates at large to the
National convention to vote for the
denomination of President Taft, whose
friends had a majority of los over
the supporters of Colonel Roosevelt.
Two congressional districts from In
diana also selected delegates instruct
ed for Taft and one district delegates
instructed for Roosevelt.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

| AS the proper use of nautical terms
! is highly important in Kansas, we feel
constrained to set Major CASTOR right
| in the matter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

The best laid schemes o. mice and men
Gang aft a-gley;
And leave us naught but grief and pain
For promised Joy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

A Topeka gent wants divorce from
his wife because he found two other
gents hiding under her kitchen stove.
But their conduct may be easily ex-
planned if it CHANGED to be the only
coal stove in the block. They were
merely trying to get warm.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

And now that both poles have been
discovered, it is herebey moved that an
expedition be sent out to discover, II
possible, Hon. Roosevelt's position on
the tariff.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-03-27

Major Dodd CASTOR may be an au-
thority upon agricultural subjects, but
his infrequent flights into nautical
problems are to the bad. Lashing
ones self to the gunnel might be ac-
complished by using Kettle of glue;
otherwise it would be much like LASH
ing something to a smooth brick wall.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-21
KODAKS

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The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-21

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The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-21

AGENTS-Big money. Johnson Flynn fight and other copyrighted negro pictures. Portraits, pillow tops. Cat alog free. 30 days credit. Peoples Portrait. Sta. U. Chicago. Ill
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-21

FOR RENT-To a good tenant. four room cottage with place of 140x140 feet, all fenced in by 12 foot wire; fit to raise poultry; right in the heart of town; incubator going, about 100 hens. good stock outlets, flyers and chicks for sale; cheap rent and long lease. Apply Suns day at I'll First avenue
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-21

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The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-21
ONE CENT 4 WORD RATEs--onc cent word dayy no ad.
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WANTED-FEMALE HELP

WOMEN, sell genuine guaranteed hose, 70 per cent profit: make $10 daily. Live agents and beginners investigate. Strong Knit, Box 4O29, West Philadelphia, Pa.
 6-30-dt-glI
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-21

GREATEST Agents seller on market to- day; sells like hot cakes; I can put you in touch with this winner. Write now. Free particulars. virena Supply Co.,. Peoria, I'll.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-21

FOR SALE-Interest In well established
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The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-21

agents each town, either sex to sell ladies and children's ready to-wear apparel; materials by the yard; gentlemens shirts attractive samples; exclusive territory; large profits. Ma tional Cloth and Apparel Co.,, St. Louis, Mo
The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-21

MODERN I room home at North Haven; screens; furnished or iinfurnished; story barn; convenient to East Thomas or Pipe Works. Owner, Main S191-J.
 7-21-4t