Evening journal., 1912-04-13
A STUPID
LAWYER
BY c D. ARKwRIcHT


! am what is called shyster law
yer. 1t isn't my fault that rise no
higher in my profession; il is fate.
When graduated from the law school
my ambition was TO be some day chief
Justice Of the United States. In two
months l was ready TO accept the at
torney generalship. Then l fell in the
scale 10 covet fair practice. And
now l am n shyster. I am the mean
est kind Of a shyster. / devote my
time 70 separating those whom God
has Joined together, not the higher.
but the lower classes. have secured
a divorce for fee Of So.
One day a young couple came to my
Office to get divided Their ages were
the man nineteen, the girl eighteen.
He wore n threadbaro coat that indl-
Gated he was or had been street car
conductor.
Mr.. Lawyer" he said. 81 suppose Il
costs a lot 10 get a divorce. We had
to sell our furniture to raise the mon
ey. But we got $50 for II. Here II
is"
He opened pocketbook and took
out FIVE dirty ten dollar bills. His
wife stood by looking like a young
thundercloud.
"What's the troublew I asked.
Roth began to talk at once. each
abusing the other in a disconnected
way. caught as much as could Of
what they said. but was unable to
gather the slightest cause for divorce
from either.
"Thatli DO" 7 said. You" address
ing the husband. have treated your
wife abominably. And you" 10 the
wife 'have done n number OF things
you wouldn't have done had you been
older aud more experienced In order
10 secure divorce for you you must
net harmoniously, for legally the
grounds for an action on either side
are very weak. You must throw OF
this antagonism long enough to form
with me a plan for separation. I shall
be busy for about an hour. and mean
while wish you TO sit down on that
sofa side by side and try to get back
20 the days when you were courting.
Think about the first kiss, the putting
on of the engagement ring l see on
that round finger. Then the wedding
and all that. If you keep thinking
about these things till ] get through
some other cases we can all act togeth
er for a divorce"
They did as / told them to do. but
took seats as far apart as possible and
at first it looked as though nothing
would he gained They sat thus. both
bolt upright for awhile, but l kept an
eye on them and saw that they were
trying to keep their minds on what
had indicated. In about half an hour
gathered up some papers and went
half the distance between them had
been eliminated. Encouraged, hunt
ed for a paper had left on my table
and went ont again. When I returned
the wife was wiping away tears. The
husband. Judging from his expression.
was endeavoring TO steel himself
against reconciliation.
that l would return in about forty min
utes. when I should expect them to
have got rid OF enough antagonism to
work together and with me TO secure
the divorce. II fear" I said to the
husband, THAT you. who are the more
AZ fault in this matter than your wife,
are nonrishing the bitterness I'm you
and will spoil 1t ALL
With this | made another trip and
was gone an hour. Then, returning, |
stood at the door listening / heard
the husband saying that IL had been
all his fault and the wife saying that
Il had been all her fault, and they
were calling each other "dearie" and
Sweetheart" and lot of other pet
names. entered the room suddenly
and found them locked in each others
arms
"weu." / said "I've come TO a stop
ping place in other business and am
now ready for you two"
They arose from the sofa, and the
husband said they'd been talking the
matter over and IL I didn't mind the
disappointment they would try to get
on together for awhile longer. Taking
cut his pocketbook. he offered to pay
me what fee asked for taking up my
time, but J told him there would be
no charge. asked him II he couldn't
put the money back into his furniture
and he said he thought he could. Al
any rate, he would try. Before they
left me / made them promise that Il
they changed their minds and should
conclude. after an, TO secure a divorce
they would give me the job. This thel
promised TO do as some compensation
for my disappointment" in not having
been employed already, for they wer'
too stupid 10 see through the ruse tina
had prevented permanent breach be
tween them
''Its hard on you. Mr.. Lawyer. 10 ex
pect you were going 10 get a good fe'
and then not get II. but you'd ough
10 have seen that a makeup i'm ordei
to get the divorce was the same as
making up regular"
'Just so. my boy" I replied. I'll
you come back here again for a di
vorce won't be so tarnation stupid"
They never came back for a divorce
but one day a prosperous looking youns
man came into my Office and asked Il
remembered him. I said | did not
and he told me that WAS the lawyer
who had euchred myself out Of g
fee by not moving quick enough. He
sdded that my stupidity had been a
godsend to him. and he wanted me tc
come and dine with him and his wife