davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30
LAYHAWKER JOT.y

The Carbonate Post refers to Mrs.
Pankhurst, the militant British suf-
fragette, as lone of England's female
men"
Finch of the Carbonate Post,
insists that Just because a fellow
wears his hat on the side of his head
is no sign that it is covering brains"
Two unusual citizens have been dis
covered in AtchisOn, reports the Atchi-
son Globe: One is a barber who never
speaks unless he is spoken to and the
other is a colored porter who gave his
boss a weeks notice before he quit
his job.
Some one has surely been meddling
in Lincoln or it's vicinity. This NO
tice" was published in the Lincoln Re
publican recently: To Whom 1t May
Concern: I, August Wacker, hereby
the past attempted to make trouble
between my wife and me, that they
must stop trying to do so. A1eddle-
some people have taken it upon them
selves to go to my wife and tell false
hoods and things that are not true to
her about me, and thus tried to make
trouble between US. Instead of going
to my wife with tales of falsehood,
let them come to me, and if I have
mistreated her in any way, let them
arrest me, or punish me for it. And
fully expect to prosecute or sue any
tempts to make trouble between my
wife and myself.-August Wacker.
A Holton girl has it in for a certain
young man, says the HOlton Signal,
and 1t gives the following good and
sufficient reasons: The other day he
called her up and asked if he might
come down and spend the evening.
His request was readily granted. 1t
happened that for supper that even
ing her mother had prepared a dish
of her favorite salad with Lots of
Onions in it. OF course, under the
circumstances, she had to pass it up.
After the supper dishes had been
cleared away she was called to the
phone and it proved that ''he'' had a
call out of town and could not come
that evening. She hurried into the
kitchen to get what was left of the
salad, but she was Too Late. It was
all gone. She was mad enough to
eat a raw onion and declares that an
other time he will have to take his
chances, that man or no man, she
won't miss the salad.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30
QUAKER MEDITATONs.
[From the Philadelphia Record

TFrom the Philadelphia RecordJ
The bigger a man is the least excuse he
has for being stilted-
Don't borrow trouble unless you see
your way clear to paying it back.
It is quite possible for a man to be a
high liver and still have low tastes
Does the poet wear his hair long be-
cause he realizes there is no short cut 70
fame?
A tip to ball players-Hitting up the
high ball is apt to result in balling up the
high hit
The pessimist is always prepared for
the worst and is dreadfully disappointed
if it doesn't happen.
Muggins-'Miss Antique asked me how
old 1 thought she was" Buggins-"WhaI
did you say?' Muggins-'.I lied like a
gentleman"
Blobbs-''Is Scribbler still writing dog
gereI?P Slobbs-'1 guess he is; he tells
me he is turning out advertising jinSIes
for a sausage concern.
gg-'eHenpeckke boasts that he is a
man of a few words" Wagg-"That's
nothing to boast of; it simply means that
his wife has monopoly
well, my little man. said the elderly
person, what do you like most about
amt none," replied the little man.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

He is failure who sneers at success.
Pm your faith to first guesses and sec
ond thoughts.
After falling in love many a man tries
to crawl out.
solitaire is the first stepping stone to
matrimOny.
The pessimist stays away from the mic
mic because it might rain.
An ounce of flattery beats two ounces
of truth-if you have an ak to grind
friend may be a person who wants
you to work for him for nothing and
board yourself
And many a man would gladly marry a
second time-if his first wife would oniy
give him chance.
You should put your property in your
wife's name before starting out to beat
the other fellow at his own game
Speaking of the so-called weaker sex
Won may have noticed that the wife
whose word is law never has to call IA
the police to enforce it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30
HUMOR or THE DAY

Myles-You must have an expensive
household. What does that young girl
do? Styles-Oh, she looks after the baby.
We only pay her 50 a month. well,
then, there's that French maid who wears
the cap?" "Oh, yes; she's expensive. We
pay her $50 month. She takes care of
madam's dog!'-Yonkers Statesman.
No. $3.50 Gust released)-w'y, Turtle,
'ow are you? Wot's dom in d biz? His
Old Pal-Hqilo, Chicken! Shake. wot's
new in d. biz? Nottin' much. Dere's a
years ahead Of d times! No. s7,s40-Gee,
invented Jimmy OATS five years ahead
of d new door!-Cleve1and Plain Dealer.
John Standardization Baron Cfind-
ing a friends cigarette case in his coat
pocket-There! must have put this in
my pocket by mistake the other night.
John, didn't you notice a strange cigarette
case in this coat? John-Oh, yes, sir; but
I didn't say anything to anybody about
it.-Fliegende Blaetter.
thinking of christening our new kid 'Op-
portunity." Knott-Ehi Oh, L see, "Op-
portunity KNOCKS Rather bright that;
but don't you do it. When his playmates
shorten it to "Opp." he is likely to find
it -Knoxious.-Exchange
funeral of DR.. Pilman! Roy-well, they do
say that most of his patients went before
him.-Judge.
Redd-Did you ever time yourself in
your automobile? Greene-Oh, yes; it took
me an even hour to start it yesterday
Yonkers Statesman.
Miss Ann Teek-Id like to go shopping
with you this afternoon, but the dentist
is to fix my teeth. Miss Pert-Well. can't
you shop with me while he's doing it,
Boston Transcript.
Navvy-Yus, doctor, still got that aw-
full pain. Doctor-Does 1t hurt you much?
Navvy-Yus; it gives a awful twinge every
time I twist. Doctor-But you mustn't
twist Navvy-I don't.-Punch.
mo- said Mr.. Dustin Stax, ct shall
never interfere in politics. But it is
every mans duty to take part in an cleo
ton ''Yes. But nobody will believe I'd
be satisfied to take part instead of grab
bling the entire proposition."-W ashington
Star. e'
Getting Them--Frayed Francis-Ever
have dyspepsx, Dusty? Dusty Rhodes
Wot's dat9 f. F.-Dat means trouble af-
ter yer meals. D. R--Not me. Ny trou-
BILE comes afore my meals.-Boston Trans |
cript-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

well, 1 must take chances of that"
That night as Caleb slept and dream
ed of his city angel two young farmers
entered his room and tied him fast.
He awoke as they were removing him
to the smoke house, and in reply to his
oenanos and exclamatfons the widow
soothingly said: .......
You see, you've gone crazy, dear
man, and we must restrain you a bit. .
But I'm not insane!''
On, yes, you are. They ALWAYS saw
that. There's a nice bed of straw, and
water to drink and bread to eat and
or two
Caleb raised a. big rumpus over it. but
1t did no good. He was to meet his
angel at the blackberry patch next
afternoon, but he wasn't there. She
was, however, and so was the widow.
1t was the angel who flew and the
WlooW VINO pursued. Before night fell
the h1red man had decided that his
parents had never been insane. When
morning came again he had decided
that there was no lunacy about him
ana that he might live to be a. hundred
years old and never have a fit. For
TOUR days he pleaded and appealed. and
lnen ne was brought out to find a
looks of inquiry the widow explained.
couldn't marry a lunatic. but am
ready to wed one who has made a fool
OF himself once or twice"
where's that-that girl from the
clty?'' he asked.
still running"
WeL' FOR fear she'll come back 7
guess we'd better splicer' '-0A'
And the last heard from hin, he ~, :.
Dragging that he had married the haet
woman IN the world.-(Copyrigh 1918
Wy Associated Literary Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30
FOR EVER.

Do you recall how first we met?
Twas a playing in a tennis set;
Ali that's a time I'd fain forget
For ever and for ever!
You shouted "Lovei" I acQuieSced,
And it must really be confessed
With you 1 wished to be obsesSed
For ever and for ever!
And, when the fateful game was Ger,
We went into an ice-cream store
1 thought you'd ask for more and more
For ever and for ever!
When our affection came to naught,
A breach of promise case you brought,
The rnirth it caused would last, thought,
For ever and for ever!
That happened years ago, and yet
My literally dearest pet,
I'll think of you with deep regreD
For ever and for ever!
La Touche Hancock, in the New York
Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

TF'rom the New York Press.1
All habits are easy to fall into except
that of having none.
A man thinks he's a natural born farm
er If his wife raises geranium
The human race makes a little Roadway
if onlv one out of a thousand goes
straight
A man always wants to begin his mis-
sion of saving his country by getting on
it's pay roll.
The way woman consoles herself Tor
having only a passable figure is being
sure no other woman has any at all
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30
A Nation without shores.

In territorial extent, Bolivia stands
third among the republics of South
America and is one of the two without
a seaport. Her natural outlet to the
Pacific ocean was taken by Chilli at the
end of the war of the Pacific, and to-
day she is shut off from the sea like
Switzerland. La Paz. Oruro, and Potosi
are all cities standing over 1900 feet
above the level of the sea. Bolivia's
economic advance during recent years
has been noteworthy, particularly in
the line of railroad extension. La Paz,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

One of the most distressing features
of the political situation is that as
soon as the rather riotous and disturb
ing campaigns within the predominant
political parties concerning the presi-
Dental nominations are brought to a
close, they will be supplemented i'm
Tnediately by an even more strenuous
campaign for the election of a presi-
dent which will be waged by the big
parties against each other Then the
fur will fly
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

Considerable criticism is apparently not
President Taft because of the retention
in his cabinet of James Wilson, as sec
rotary of agriculture Mr.. Wilson has
held this cabinet position for many
years. It is safe to assume that he
has not changed his methods of ad-
rnintstration enc iota during the three
wears he has been in the cabinet under
president Taft. If Mr.. Wilson is such
an improper man for this place why did
not colonel Roosevelt demand his res
tenation during the seven and one-han
years he was PRESIDENT
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30
JOURNAL ENTRIES

No INNS troubles are as large as he
thinks they are.
Too many folk pose as injured par
ties without sufficient excuse.
More people would heed the black to
the farm cry if they had the price.
r. X x
A joke doesn't have to be much of
a one to get a hearty laugh from the
man who tells it.
If all men got paid as well as they
thought they should, there wouldn't be
nearly enough money to go around.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

There is just one branch of the gov
eminent that stands in the way of set
ting up anything akin to a dictatorship
in this country. 1t comprises the judi
ciaTy. And that may be the reason
why the agitation is so strong on the
part of some for adopting measures
that will destroy the powers the judi
ciary must have if law and order are
to prevail; if the rights of all men in
Guiding those making up the minority
are to be properly protected.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

With so many locations available for
the establishment of an adequate pub
lie park on the East side, the city COM
rnissioners should have little difficulty
in making a selection. And the time
for them to act in the premises is now.
The East side has already waited too
long for the park that it so sorely
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30
DAFFYDHS
BY U. NoALL.

If Chinaman is a yellow fellow
would YOU call a Filipino tangent?
(Three strikest Safe at firstD
IAN the wind actually blow hard
enough TO make a frame house rock?
(Tommy! Keep your fingers out OF
that ice cream freezer)
If Tanner tasted for 40 days to win
a tidy bet is there any way that you
can tell how much the cigarette?'
John Andrews! I want the gospel
truth Where is my husbandO
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

Governor Osborne is apparently not
the only progressive in Michigan. Two
young women there recently put on a
regulation prize fight and one of them
was Knocked out completely in the sew
enth round from an uppercut deftiy
and vigorously landed on her jaw by
her opponent. Isn't that "bully?'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

An Ohio state senator has been sent
to prison for accepting a bride. Ohio,
being the native state of President Taft,
the managers of the Roosevelt cam
paign will be sure to use this incident
as one more reason why Mr.. Taft is
not a fit man to receive denomination
for the presidency.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

In P satirical mood. Mr.. Bryan has
expressed fears that he may be the
presidential nominee of the Republican
national convention. This would be
highly satisfactory to many of the
Democrats who are timorous that Mr..
Bryan is likely to become their presl-
Dental candidate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

More proof has come to light that it
is impossible to tell what a jury will
do. A local jury considered a crimi-
nal case for "a hours and actually ar
rived at a verdict which was not of
the compromise variety.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

Regardless of the turmoil in the po-
Itical world Topeka is going on her
way rejoicing and waxing fat. There is
unusual activity nowadays in building
circles. Topeka is growing in the sub
stantial way that counts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

They are alarmists of the professional
type who insist that Kansas is due for
an almost total wheat crop failure this
year. Wheat is in bad shape in two or
three counties, but two or three coun-
ties don't come near comprising the
whole wheat section of Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

1t is the opinion of many that the
same interests which are supporting
Colonel Roosevelt for the Republican
presidential nomination are also sup
porting Professor Woodrow Wilson for
the Democratic presidential nomination.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

AS TO "MACHINEsp IN KANSAS.

AS TO MACHINES" IN KANSAS.
Talking again about the machine and
the organization and the money: There
is no Taft machine, no Taft organiza-
ton and no Taft money in Kansas.
There isn't even a Taft headquarters.
It is the Roosevelt candidacy that has
all these. 1t is the Roosevelt candidacy
that has headquarters at Topeka, with
a chairman and secretary and corps of
clerks and typewriters. 1t is the Roose-
welt candidacy that is sending out
speakers, and club organizers 1t is
the Roosevelt candidacy that has
money enough to send a special train
through the state in order that the dis
tinguished gentleman who was to ac-
cept the nomination il it came unso-
licited and unsought may cover as
much of the state as possible on his
stamping tour. OF course it is all right
Headquarters and speakers and organ
izers and special trains cost money.
Coolies of it, but they are entirely legiti-
mate. Only take notice that so far as
Kansas is concerned, Roosevelt has 'ern
and Taft hasn't. And therefore take
with several heavy doses of salt the
CUFF you see about all the politicians
and machines and the interests" be-
ing for Taft.-fola Register.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

DR.. Lyman Abbott declares that min
listers should not actively take part in
politics. Presumably this rule should
not be applied to ministers who leave
the pulpit for the editorial chair of. d
ma zine
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30
SCIENTIFIC FARMING

2 P. E. Crabtree of the state agricul-
tural college is teaching farmers Of
Kansas how to get greater crop values
from the same land and with practical
ly the same effort by the application
or scientific principles; and it may be
noted that Mr.. Crabtree is having a
great many calls for advice Of this kind.
For some years now he has been work.
ing along this same line and in many
counties where he has superintendent
the demonstration tracts, the farmers
OF the county have come to see the i'm
portance of scientific principles applied
70 the soil and have put them in prac-
tice on their own places.
such missionary work is just begin
ming and Kansas is Offering wide field
Tor It, Known far and wide because OF
the productiveness of its soil, Kansas
mas not begun to yield its fullness and
not until the farmers of the state learn
the secret which Mr.. Crabtree and
other teachers of the kind are disclos-
ing VIII the returns from the agricul-
ture of Kansas be what they should
Salira Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

There can be but one explanation for
the rather frigid weather conditions
now prevailing. 1t must be that an
Indian winter is visiting in these parts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

Getting Them-Frayed Francis-Eyer
have dyspepsy, Dusty2 Dusty Rhodes
Wot's dat2 F. F.-Dat means trouble at
ter yer meals. d. R--Not me. Ny trou-
BILE comes afore my meals.-Boston Trans
criDt-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

But you will notice that Hon. Ted
dyfelt didn't invite others to attack
the courts when they were wrong, HE
being the only one, of course, compe-
tent to judge whether they are wrong
or right.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

mo- said Mr.. Dustin Stax, 81 shall
never interfere in politics" But It is
every mans duty to take part in an cleo
tion'' s'Yes. But nobody viii believe I'd
be satisfied to take part instead of grab
bling the entire proposition.'-Wa
Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-30

Navvy-Yus, doctor, still got that aw
full pain. Doctor-Does 1t hurt you much?
Navvy-Yus; it gives a awful twinge every
time L twist. Doctor-But you mustn't
twist NAVY don't-Punch.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1912-12-02
Fraternal Rrntferllond.

Utah lodge. at the last mectins. had q
large attendance, considering it Was
thanksgiving eve. Brother UoaSon was
in the chair. The regular routine OF busl-
ness was concluded by 9.t5 O'Clock. after
which Sisters Buckley and Armstrone,
took charge. Cards were played for anuut
an hour and "a half. The prizes were won
by Sister Deason. who had The highest
score FOR the ladies. and By Brother
Whitehead. The Consola ton prizes went
10 sister Whitehead AND Brother Lloyd.
The members were reminded that at the
next meeting night there would be cleo
tlon ot officers.
Seso Lily lodge No. 252 initiated two
new members last meeting night. The
dlill team WIS increased to twelve.
Brother Tborne was the winner Of the
leather pillow cover.
The long form Initiation team held It's
first dress rehearsal after lodge meeting
y larSe proportion OF the membership
stayed after lodge 20 see the work They
pronounced II very impressive and In
StruCtlVo ceremony.
There was a request for leap year
dance, so next meeting night will be
given over to that and tho election of
officers Will be postponed until tbs fol-
lowing week.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1912-12-02
Y eoyncIl.

Members an5 friends Of Salt Lake
Homestead no. llS@ brotherhood OF
American 6e6mcu. celebrated ThanksgIV-
ing in a very appropriate manner Fridav
Iast. In the form of n "ha I'd tines" party
ElFch Tor the benefit cf those in need.
generous total was contributed by
tnose present. in form OF food and clot hes
Wnlch was later distributed among about
fifteen deserving families. The order eY-
tends ITS thanks To Mrs. Shields, who
G1N" the services OF her auto and assist
cd LADY koTcna and her deputies ia the
wore 81 distribution. About 400 were
present TO enjoy the evening ut dancing
Next fridaE night VIII he held the
election of officers and tho Initiation of
candidates numbering upward OF forty.
state Manager G, q. Eomingcr and hia
STAIR or deputies report Sood progress in
Provo and SprlpsNlle. where they are
at present engaged IN organizing new
honcstoad6. Deputies Bird and Decker.
who are conducting the local campaign.
are confident That at the end oi three
roonths the membership OF No lI32 Will
b9 doubled.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1912-12-02
Fraternal Union Of America,

Evergreen lodge No. ISL met last HIon-
day evening in regular session at the
lodge hall iii the Odd Fellows building
The main feature OF the evening was the
annual election Of lodge officers. Tho
Following VIII ill the chairs for the next
year: President, John II. Everett: vice
president. William =. Crowton; secretary
ThorTad l. Larsen; treasurer. Henry T.
rawlings; past president, Mrs. Alice
Blomquist; chaplain, Mabel T.. Duncombe
captain, Alfred Smithen; guide Harry
Mcllor: Inner guard. Ralph Crowton; ont
er guard. L. Z. Smith; stewards. l. A.
McGce, DR.. a. IL Carter and T. +. Hay
den: musician. Annie Swain.
Several new applications were present.
ed and acted upon. +, o. Peterson. or
gahiZer Of tho order. announced that 4
class Of ten or twelve would be present
for initiation at the next meeting Decem-
ber O. 1t was also decided 10 give q
Christmas party with the usual Christ
mas tree for the children The exact
date VIII be announced at the next meet
ing.
The following committee was appoiut
ed 70 make arrangements: Mrs. j. III.
Everett, Mrs Robert Johnson. Miss Ade-
laide Smithcn: Mrs. Hlda Vaughn, Mrs
w D. Crowton. Mrs. Il. #, AVeson. .Iu-
Han .. Riley and Henry T.. Rawlings
IL was reported 10 the secretary that
Sister Alice Bomqulst was taken 10
Judge Mercy hospital Saturda'' afternoon.
Lady members arc requested TO make
her u visit
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1912-12-02
Women Of Woodcraft,

Silver Maple circle No los, Women OF
Woodcraft. met IN regular session Fri
day evening. Nomination and election
OF officers took place. Tae officers for
the coming term are: Past guardian
ncIGhhor. BETTY Brown; guardian neigh
nor, jennie j. Hunt: advisor Mary G.
Glenny; magician Louise Dunbar: at
teudsnt, 11llic Thomas; clcrlS, $. NJ Free:
banker Anna IleT!cll; inner sentinel
Margaret Patterson. outer sentinel, Jane
WasFtaH: musician. Hattie Eop: mana
ger, Clara Wilson; Installing officer. Mary
u. Baer; captain OF guards Mae Tail
There was large attendance Tho
green's had the largest number OF mem
bers, LoTey Dale was obligated and
seven were balloted upon. An entertain
ment committee was appointed for next
FRIDAY night. The Thmblc club meets
Wednesday afternoon with Neighbor
Elizabeth Jones. GO South Fifth East.
Llbcrly park car is cnnvcnicnt
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1912-12-02

DR.. William Sadler, author Of 'The
Cause and Cure of Colds,'' says that
common colds should be taken seriously,
especially when they chang on"
Foley's Honey aud Tar Compound is u
reliable household medicine for coughs
and colds, equally effective for children
and for grown persons. Take IL when
You feel cold coming %. 1t will avert
danger Of serious results aud cure quick
ly No harmful dTugs-Schramm. ohm
son Co. (AdN ertisement.)