Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-08-29
copyright, 1911. by North American Press
Syndicate.)

0ylAOlCdt0.l
ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER
A Teller has a lot of trouble dodgin'
ms creditors in a one-street town.
There is a certain joy about wearin'
your first derby hat that doesn't come
at any other time in life.
me real patriot is he Teller who
thinks that his n vote is goin' to
decide the presidential election.
The trouble with a good many bar
lin players.
What goes up must come down.
put all the garden seeds that go down
don't come up by a burned sight.
never yet see a Teller that could
40 MS own sewing who amounted to
a NIL of beans in the business world.
There is only one worse Teller than
the one who is so radical that he
bumps his nose and that is h Teller
Who is so conservative tina he falls
over backward.
wise man always agrees With
his wife whether he does or not.
Inere amt a man in the United
he had thought of it in time, he could
have been the worlds greatest ball
player.
Miss Amy Pringle says a show
amt any good nile it kin make
her cry. and any show that kin
SAoOSAO q ICdk " VI OIL OH veteran
X Amy. who has been engaged 10
times, Is certainly some show.
Many a Teller thinks he IFS in love
but 1T is only because he has sausage
and buckwheat cakes for breakfast
and his digestion is poop
since coronation braids n Golf
feurs have been in style there has
been a scarcity of real hair mat
tresses.
Doc Hanks Of our town guarantees
to extract teeth without pain-that is
to say. without my main to himself.
Purity soon there will be 4 different
brand of cut plug tobacco for every.
Teller that smokes.
1t may be necessary some day to
call a special session of congress to
amend the 10 commandments and the
amendment will probably get a few
votes at that.
When Anse Frisby. our banker.
he put in a magnificent library. He
told the book agent he wanted the
books all the same size so they would
look symmetrical. The other day he
found out for the first time that his
book case contained 600 volumes of
"Quo Vadis."
Prosperity has struck our village
recently. as the potater bug season is
on. LATE Higgins, who claims to be
the champion potater bug picker of
this township has got to run a race
with Dunk Purdy. who recently
moved IN here from West H%ickeyville
and is said to be some picker also.
There may be some pertickler use
in wearin' suspenders and a belt at
the same time. but nobody has ever
explained what it is.
You cannot tell h season by a cell
lulOid collar, for it is apt to turn vel
low at any time.
There amt nothing that makes a
Teller feel much better tina to have
his name printed in the city directory
in large black letters.
II l was a dentist I would buy a
bakery establishment and turn out
nothing but cherry pies with unpitted
cherries in EN-.
a Teller who has got long hair and
whiskers never need worry. II every
thing else fails he can start a new
tangled religion.
THE SANITARY AGE.
We're using sanitary cups when we go
on the train;
We're never going to let those microbes
feast on US again.
We boil our drinking water and we fil-
ter it as we'll.
Just when a germ is going to bite is
mighty hard to tell.
We'ce knocked out all the roller towels;
SAS pune VI uSll IN COIlD
Has been placed on the tabooed list
wherever you may roam.
The sanitary washrags are the only
kind We'll use;
To wash with common OLD hand soap
we stoutly do refuse.
We cannot kiss the babies now, sweet
hearts are also barred.
Dan Cupid. under these new rules,
finds Shedding mighty hard.
e eat no taffy candy that's dis
played on public stands,
And some of US have got 81 scared
We've even stopped shaking
hands.
All paper money is tabooed, for it
spreads grim disease.
We stay far away from those who
cough or even sneeze.
We have outdoor sleeping rooms and
sanitary beds.
And all else that may be thought up
on scientific heads.
We've got to be so careful tina it takes
all of our time
TO keep the germs from sending US to
some much warmer cline;
But with all our new tangled schemes,
the busy germs to foil,
Folks seem to keep on shuffling off this
sad old mortal coil.
THE VILLAGE ORATOR.
Under the spreading campaign tree |
the village chestnut stands. A mighty
orator is he and when he waves his
hands and let's his voice sound full
and free he browns out all the bands. |
He is a man of wisdom who knows
how to save the state. He is a states
man through and through, but sad
It's to relate his meat and grocery |
bills are due and he can't liquidate. /
The folks have known him many |
years and tell his anecdotes, when he :
upon the stage appears and argues
for the votes. He tells them how the |
nation bleeds with woe and discon-
tent. He tells them what the nation