Evening star., 1912-11-04
CHAPTER XIV.
The Parable of the Cocoanut Pie.

The Parable of the Coc0anut Ple.
There was fiuttering anticipation among
the relatives as they gathered in the
breakfast room the next morning and
dallied with broi!ed kidneys and an
chovy toast while awaiting BaXter's sum-
mons. Which came presently. when
Hiram. red faced and genial of visage
opened the door.
IF YOU folks don't mind he said. Il
wish you'd Join me in the library for a
little friendly talk"
At last the great moment had come.
and one by one the relatives passed
through the hall into the room beyond,
each showing in face and manner an
overbubbling delight at the Thought or
the benefits they expected to receive from
Cousin Hiram. And one by one they
seated themselves in the stin, hish-
backed chairs that were ranged along the
wall Baxter settled himself on cor
ner of the davenport and faced them.
His ewes were cheerful, his smile was
cordial; there was not the least ind1ca-
ton of what was coming.
Make yourselves comfortable, friends.
began Hiram. I've got few Things
to say, and ye might as well take IL
easy
There was a shifting of positions. a lit
tie eXpectant coughing. and then, Just as
Baxter was about to begin Harriet Merle
prodded Horatio, who was staring ap-
systematically before him.
"Horatio!" she whispered
The curate came to himself with
start, blinked rapidly behind his glasses,
and then, remembering the duty his wife
had put upon him, rose solemnly to his
feet, and. in his most clerical manner,
addressed Hiram Baxter.
..Ahem! Mr.. Baxter In the name OIL
the relatives gathered here, allow me
to extend to you our most cordial wei
come on this occasion of your return to
England, together with the expression OF
ing generosity in theA past and = er =
ahem!"
Hear hear.'' applauded Lionel.
But Hiram lifted a hand for silence
Zone moment Brother Horatio," he
drawled Before we wind up yer speech,
Ye may want to change yer peroration.
How delightful!' murmured Harriet
'.Go on, Cousin Hiram" urged Kate.
Hear hear!' repeated Lionel.
"Ahem!' coughed the curate and sal
down.
i've called you people in here" con-
tinued Baxter. Ito tell We somethin' thai
I've been thinkin' about fer quite while
We're goin' to Brighton today. Eleanor
and me- fer a couple o. weeks-this ghost
deal-and 1 want to get this thing off my
chest before leave. Yer all good friends
o. mine and yer all more or less in hard
luck. Seems like things naturally &c
wrong with ye-it's been SO fer years
ever since I've had the honor o. belongin
to this family. Well, a man hates to see
his wife's relations suffer and I've tried
to do what I could, but-Im here to tel
We now that l don't feel as If I've ever
done the right thing by We. No, sir. Al
yer troubles, but I've never turned the
trick"
"Oh, say!' protested Lionel.
you've been splepdid." Kate declared
I'VE wouldn't have you any different
dear Cousin Hirarn," beamed Harriet.
Baxter paused a moment and adjusted
his spectacles. Think I'm. pretty. goot
feller, don't ye? Well, yer wrong. Lool
at my friend, Fitz-Brown, my wife's sec
ond cousin once removed. Up to his ear:
shame! My wife's second cousin onc'
removed"
The old boy leaned forward earnestly
his big, strong chin on his big, strong
hand, and in his kindly. homely way ad
dressed the gentleman in question, who
was pulling fiercely at his yellow mus
tache. Il
Now, friend Lionel, I'm goin' to show
We how We can always have money
enough and never have any more debts ol
bother"
This reused the monocied one to gen.
uine enthusiasm. 4 say, I'll be awfully
pleased he responded.
"I'H do it. And I'm goin' to show
you'' II. B. turned sharply to the curate
'.how YOU can cure that tired feelin' and
tive minutes
"Oh, thank you. sir.'' murmured Ho.
ratio.
"And I'm goin' to show you ladies
how to be happy. Yes. sir. Trouble
with you is yer bored to death. That's
why ye want to go kitin around to
Monte Carlo and Jerusalem. I'll fix it sc
We can't ever be bored
L wish you could laughed Kate.
MY dear countess reproved Harriet
IF Cousin Hiram agrees to do a thing
you can depend upon him absolutely"
1T amt necessary to go into details,
but each one of you knows what we've
had from me straight and regular every
year for the last five years. 1t makes
quite d total, ten thousand pounds and
more, fifty thousand dollars. that I've
spent tryin to get you people on yer
feet. and l amt ever been able to do it.
Each year yer in worse'n the year before,
and it's all, my fault. Want to know
why? Because I've been tryin' to help
ye on the European plan, which amt
worth shucks; but I've had my eyes
opened, and now I'm goin' to change and
help ye on the good old-fashioned Ameri-
can plan. warranted never to fail"
'YeS?'
Tell u.s.
please tell u.s.,
Hear, heart buzzed the eager chorus.
Then came the first intimation of the
truth. slowly and smi,ingly delivered, but
bringing shattering disjllusion, neverthe-
less. to the trusting relatives: 1.-The
American plan of helpin' people consists
in showin' 'em how they can help them
selves"
The effect came gradually in a move
ment of general surprise and consterna-
ton.
"Oh. I say
But
'.You don't. mean you surely don't
mean"
Tell ye exactly what l mean. Yer all
nice people, but ye've been trained wrong.
Your idea is to sit in the sunshine and
let somebody shake plums into yer lap,
which is all right if We can find a feller
to do it. but I'm tired o. shakin' plumS
and the trees. pretty well skined, So
Here he turned to the countess and Har-
riet, with his most ingratiating smile:
Ladies, want to ask you question.
Suppose you were on desert island and
were gettin' terribly hungry, and sup
pose We looked up and saw some nice,