The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-10-14
DINNER STORIES.

UINNEh SlUhlESu
a certain jurist was an enthusiastic
golfer. once ne had occasion to interro-
gate, in a criminal suit, a boy witness
from Bala.
quainted with the nature and significance
of an Oath3'
The boy, raising his b-ows in surprise.
'Of course 1 am sir. Don't I caddy for
you at the Country club?''
Under the eye of Mrs. r. H. Barlow.
the golf player, a Philadelphia lawyer,
teed off rather nerVously and rather
poorly at the Country club.
do you know, he said to MIS- Bar
low. afterward. lit seems to me that the
more play the worse play"
You've played a good deal them
In an upper corridor of a prominent ho-
tel two colored maids were discussing the
political situation. TIE younger seemed
TO have got the better of the argument
until the subject of referendum was
preached. Then it was that the elder,
brandishing her broom exclaimed in
tone of triumph:
''Y'H KANT tell me muffin bout t1e
rOugher endun, Miss Chloe kase All doI.e
had the rougher endum all nah lifeY'
Did you notice any suspicious charac-
tiers about the neighborhood?" the judge
inquired.
'.shure. yer honor" replied the new
ponceman I saw but one man, and L
asked f5af t, him what i he was doing there at
business here just now, but 1 expect 20
open Jewelry store in the vicinity later
sor. WISH you success
Yes, said the magistrate in disguised
tone, and he did open jewelry store IN
watches
IBegorra, yer honor" answered the
polceman after pause, 1.-The man may
nave been thafe, but he was no Iiar''
rs mammals good little boy ready
to have his bath now?''
oh, NAV cut out that gocdy-goody
business. When a chaps 6 years old
it's time to take him out of the kim
dergarten class. III take my splash
in the tub when I've had a cigarette. -
Things didn't seem to work to-
gether in your series of dramatic rep
reservations"
They didn't" admitted Mr.. Stor-
mingtOn Barnes. when we played
tragedy the box office receipts were a
farce, and Wheel we played farce they
were tragedy"
John Martin, for several presiden-
tial campaigns ergeant-at-arms of
the Democratic national convention,
carries around with him about 200
pounds of adipose, even when he is
perspiring in a convention hall Mar
tin used to be lawyer. His clients
were, for the most part such as had
The block included the Four Courts
building, in st. Louis
One summer day, when the courts
scarce, Martin and several attorneys
of his class were cooling themselves
on the shady side of the old building
Martin had taken off his hat, then he
removed his shirt collar, and finally
he removed his shoes and socks
That reminded him of the time
when he vas a boy. And then:
I'll bet <he drinks for the crowd
that ] can beat anybody in a foot
race around the Four Courts block"
The block included the Four Curtis
building and the county Jail and city
calaboose.
There were several takers. Each
man skinned his shoes and socks and
the sprints. The mercury was nearly
out of sight, as it generally is in St.
Louis in midsummer. Every runner
was bareheaded. They had made
about two-thirds of the distance when
Martin saw that he was falling behind.
Encountering a policeman on the
run, he called to him to head off the
front man. Hes got my watch he
pulled. The guardian of the law was
fresh and was soon under way He
collared the man in front.
This gave Martin a chance to pass,
and he came out first. But it was de-
clared a foul and Martin had to pay
the bet.
Mrs. Misunderstanding to this
paper, boiled cows milk is not good
for babies.
Mr.. Mommer-I can see where the
paper is right A raw COW gives bet
ter milk than a boiled one.
John Mitchell. the labor leader told THIS
to the Pittsburg Dispatch:
Harvey Barr, a successful lawyer, had
a wonderful talent for getting the best of
people Even at home he kept his ta4eu+
in play. His wife said to him one morn
ing:
. Harvey, dear, this is the fifteenth a.
niversary Of our wedding. What are you
going to give me?
81 This is what I am going to give YOU
Harvey answered. affectonately. and Il
handed his wife SIS in crisp, fresh bills
. oh. thank youi And what shall L
81 That 1neerschaum pipe I've been al
rniring so long Harvey promptly d.
nounced-
In the evening on his return home the
pipe awaited him. 1t lad cost just SIS.
He lii it up and began to color 1t care
fully.
seemed i'll at ease.
g Where is my present Harvey she
said at last, fretfully.
Well my dear Harvey explained,
you gave me a pipe gave you SIS.
Don't you see? We're both even.' -