The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1912-04-30

The next Prisoner was a big hand
some Buck with his Clothes recently
pressed and many Gloves.
Il want a Life Sentence for this
Guy, said the learned Prosecutor.
lie is So crooked that a Straight
Edge would cut him in a thousand
places. He would bite an PARTING
or or a Debutante or blow open d
Family Vault TO unscrew the Handles
from the Casket containing Father.
He phoney Corporations
and sells Florida Orange Groves that
have CrocOdiles swimming around on
top Of them. He is a prize Bunk. 4
tW~o-handed CRATER, a Short-ChanSe
Artist and a Broadway Wolf. Slip
him the Limit"
You've got me wrong. Steve"
said the Prisoner. softly. Il used 10
be a Deprayed Character, but now |
am the Big Hero. Under the revised
Code Of Morals a Handy Boy who
goes out and trims a Boob for every
thing in his Kick becomes recognized
as a Comedy Fit and every Seat on
the Lower Floor goes for TWO Bones.
Instead OF doing 4 Lock-Step to and
from the Broom Factory | work up
buying the Paper. While the Kids
are busy with you | look up Packey
Mcfarland and One-Hound Hogan"
Just as the Celebrated juvenile hit
the Fresh Air the second Defendant
came into the Dock, taking long
sneaky Strides and undulating like 4
Roller Coaster. She was a tall Gal
and very Pale, with Beliadonna OPP
ties and her Hair shook out and a
fine r~hythnical Bellows Movement
above the Belt Line.
she is q raving Beetle explained
the Prosecutor. She wants to go out
doors every Night and count the Moon
and pull some Of that shine Magazine
Poetry. Every time she sees any
body named Eric or Godfrey she does
a Swoon, accompanied by the custt
mary Low Cry, and later on. in he
own Boudoir, which is Richly FurI-
ished. she bursts into q Torrent Of
Weeping. II you start her on a Con
v~eTsation about Griddle Cakes she Will
wind up by giving a Diagnosis OF Soul
Hunger. She is a Candidate for Pad
ded Cell No. / in the big Foolish
House. If she continues at Large she
may accidentally marry some poor
misguided Clarence and then, if there
are any Children, the NeighDors Will
have to take care Of them
u You not recognize me?" asked
the Prisoner IN low musical Tones
fixing q passionate Gaze On the Court
II am the Heroine Of q Best Seller. |
| did not have these large Porcelain
Orbs and the Bosom heaving in Ita9
Time and the Hair SWiTiing in Glori
Gus PrOfuSlon. do YOU suppose tina
q Member of the Epsilon Pajama SO
rority would sit up until l A. NJ. Wit
Me and a Bottle Of Queen Olives an
to a Dress Suit Finish and marry tn
Swell Dame. And the Mob is wit
ne. II it came to a Straw Vote be
tween me and Lyman Abbott | woul
win by q City Block"
The Gentleman speaks the Truth,
said the court. In this Fair Ian
We forgive a Man anything if hi
Work is CLASSY. instead Of commit
ting you to the Pen | shall arTang
to spend the Evening with YOU"
OF The next was a tall snaky temal
with black Beads all over her Perso
and she was smoking a Cigarette, hai
he closing her Eyes as she blew Ring
Sc toward the Ceiling.
Judge she is some Brazen Huss,
- believe me- said the Prosecute
After turning f~lip-Fiops around tn
=; Ten Commandments for fifteen year
~ she married a Good Man and put hi
on the Fritz. Her regular Job is t
loll on a DiSan and turn the COaxin
Eve on some poor Greezer who
wandering from Drawing Room
Drawing Room, trying TO have h
Life wrecked. Please send her u,
She is 4 Menace to Respectable s.
ciety."
The Prisoner looked at him
naughty Disdain.
Il am not a Low Wotnan,' ST
said, proudly. i am a Matinee +;
yorite. The best People in our ,Ci1
hang their Chins over h Seats
front n cry softly whenever | g
into Trouble. Don't lock me up
they will be lonesome
go woman and keep on Shining
said the Court, in a kin0 Voice.
Then. turning to the Defender
the General Good, he said: You 4
two years behind the Processio
Thereafter arrest only Business Mt
who have been Successful
MORAI-Criminaiity is merely
Side-ISSue.
tCopyrighted. 1912, by George Ade
I~nterurban Lin to COnnec in Cha
Iotte With the Southern Railway.