davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1912-11-21

ular. "A friend au-
vised me to tax e
Lydia Il. Pinkham's
v ege table Com
pound, and before l
had taken the whole
of two bottles l
found relief. l am
only sixteen years
old, but l have bet
ter health than for
two or three years.
r n,,no< avDraoc p,v
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1912-11-21
JUDGE CURED, HEART TROUBLE

took about boxes of Dodds Kid
ney Pills for Heart Trouble from
which had suffered for years.
had dizzy spells, my eyes puffed,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1912-11-21

People are always doing things they
would condemn in others.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1912-11-21
Irnportant to notner,
Terms.

Mrs. Winslows Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums reduces iutlamnia-
ton, pain ndcolic. 25c Il bot tie Adv
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1912-11-21

Manager-Yes, the old farmer was
a little skeptical about our wild man
really being wild. but satisfied him.
Fat Man-You did? How?
Why. told him the wild
man was bigamist who once had 16
wives.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1912-11-21

You can always get lot for your
money if you patronize real estate
dealer
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1912-11-21

Mt. JCpeHutt--W Hy--er-11U.
must have been the other clerk
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16

Dinner was nearly over at tnclt
Peters villa in Ruraldene when sud
denly the doorbell rang violently ant
two minutes later the servant an
nounced that Mr. and Mrs. Cornelius
MCGOWAN were In the parlor
knew They were really Skinsk
and Dodo. engaged by Ms TO go on the
road with their sketch. and had once
introduced them as Bunch's relatives
Bunch was getting back.
First | decided to faint. then
changed my mind and tried to figure
out which would be the most cruelty
effective way OF killing Bunch Jefier
son.
Uncle Peter resented the unexpected
arrival Of these strangers. because ht
wanted TO sit around and have the
home folks tell him how sick he was
"ld like TO know what Bunch JEFF
ferson means By sending his relative.
over to US on a Sunday evening M
wife's uncle snapped Why doesn
he worry old Bill Grey with them. eh
It's bad enough for me TO have e
sneeze my head OF before my own
people. but ri be dod bimmed II I'm
going to SIT around the parlor ane
play solos on my bronchial tubes loi
the edifcation OF strangers-no. sir
Uncle Peter SMILED off to HIS apart
ments. and Peaches said she'd Try C
entertain the visitors.
concluded TO help her some.
Skinski arose from the sofa ana
greeted us with his most elaborate
bow
Ma'mosele Dodo didn't Society very
much.
She sat In the middle of the room
and sang soft lullabys 70 a hold-over
Mr. Jefferson. my nephew Skin
ski was SAYING. insisted that We
should hit the suburban trail and 10
cate your shack Here's a note from
nephew Bunch for you
Skinsh handed me- the note with a
face as solemn as monkey-wrench
and | read II.
CITY, Sunday p NJ
Dear John.-i send herewith ite twf
rosebuds As favor 10 your old pal
please treat my beloved relatives VIII
every consideration and make fuss over
them You know you told them in The
restaurant TO come and see you. They
want 10 make good and Will stay a week
II you insist
With klndest regards.
BUNCH
p s-Doni drag Aunt Flora into any
literary discussions might hand you
something Her favorite author is Pom.
eroy Sec the chap who writes all those
frothy books b.
Il wish you could have seen oui
place in the daytime" Peaches was
saying to Skinsk when | finished
reading Bunch's gei.b back. we think
it's delightful out here Did You have
much trouble in finding the place."
Nav. lady fair Skinski replied;
no trouble at all Nephew Bunch
came as far as the front door with us
What" exclaimed the astonished
Peaches
Yes" skinsN concluded; he ever
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16

pleading voice It's catchy jest. all
right. and It's making me laugh. The
way you two ducks josh each other Is
pitlful. but your secret IS safe with
me. Manager won't make no bad
breaks. and Dodo won't ever open her
talk.trap. She never talks of the
stage On the stage. say she has the
most elegant line Of language that
ever left the pipes. Leave II all to
me. Manager. and I'll see that the Me
Gowan family makes an awful hit with
your Preside companions
And skinski kept his word.
He skifully led Uncle Peter around
to discussion OF sleight-of hand. and
TWO minutes later the Wonder Work
er was dragging the coal shovel and
the vinegar cruet out o; the mayors
inside pockets. to the intense mysti.
hcation and deligh, Of the old gentle
man.
Uncle Peter was wearing a small
diamond pin in his crayat and quite
by accident the setting became loose
and the stone dropped TO the floor
The old gentleman became very
much concerned about Il and we all
started 10 look for II
Wait n minute" said Skinski:
the spark fell in your left.hand vest
pocket"
Uncle Peter looked at him blankly.
Impossible. why there's nothing
there but this box OF quinine pills for
my cold"
open IT," said Skinsh. and Uncle
Peter did so
How many OF those do you usually
take in day." asked skinski
Four" replied the puzzled old
gentleman.
Drop four of them in your left
hand" ordered SkInski
Uncle Peters right hand trembled a
bit. with the result that five Of the
quinines fell into his leif hand
If you counted money the way YOU
count pills you'd quit loser chuckled
Skinski Put four OF those dizzy
Why's back In the box"
The old gentleman did SO
Now take your penknife and open
the pill you didn't put back com.
manded Skinski
! Uncle Peter obeyed instructions.
and he nearly choked with astonish-
ment when hts diamond came TO view.
II was neat bit OF work and Skin
ski became a solid success with Uncle
Peter
Did understand you to say. Mr..
McGowan. that you are a commission
merchant in Springfield. Ohio" the
mayor asked Skinsh when the ap'
pause had subsidized.
I'm a used TO was" Skinskl cor
rected. There was a time when
I commished for fair. but the bogie
man caught me and lose all had
4 Since then I've been trying to sell q
gold mine own out in the Blue
Z Hills"
tried to sidetrack Skinski and
lead him away from the smoking
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16
Catch ioaYear.old Turtle.

Four hundred years ago. according
70 estimates. Indians. with their crude
fishing devices. might have tried 10
catch large turtle that appeared at
times in the Chesapeake bay; but II
eluded generation after generation OF
red men. white men. sailors and oys.
ter fishers until few days ago. when
It was finally captured and sent to a
fish merchant in Homestead. II will
make soup for 100 persons or more.
The turtle. weighing 3i7 pounds and
measuring nearly 1--WE feet In diam.
eter across It's shell. was captured In
the Choptank river. near Choptank
Md. and created sensation In that
town. According to the owner. there
are 1900 barnacles on its she'll
Pittsburg Post
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16
@pres.y Ho. Line Of Goods. chr"


room. but Uncle Peter insisted upon
hearing more about those dreamland
gold mines
"I've got the documents and every
thing to prove that my claim Is all the
goods" skinski ratified on. "All IL
needs Is the capital to work II and It's
a bonanza. sure-isnt II. Dodey-I
mean Flo"
"You hetcher sweet" she an.
swered. whereupon Peaches and Aunt
Martha had ~ OF coughing which
lasted three minutes
Then Uncle Peter coaxed Skinski
off In corner and there they hob
nobbed for fifteen minutes while my
wife and her aunt and | tried 10 get
cheerful and chatty with Aunt Flo.
but we only succeeded In dragging
from her four reluctant You betcher
sweets"
Presently Uncle Peter and Skinski
shook hands about something, and
Ave minutes later Bunch's relatives
took their departure to the accompani.
ment Of much internal applause on my
part
"Mr. MCGOWAN 10 a very accom-
pllshed gentleman" Uncle Peter de-
cided. but handicapped by a most
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16

depressing wife: most depressing. The
Blue Hills. Ell. the Blue Hills! Now.
wonder"
Then lie began to whistle softly and
went into the dining room.
Monday morning. bright and early.
| met Bunch. and we buried the
Ratchet.
Il hope my beloved relatives didn't
disgrace me while soiourning In your
midst" he chuckled.
Not at ALL" answered airily.
why. Uncle Cornelius was the hit OF
the season with Uncle Peter. though.
OF course. Aunt Flora didn't make
good with that You betcher sweet
monologue OF hers How could she ?
Even az that. she stands better with
me than some conversational queens !
know who get so busy with the CAB
they make me dizzy"
About noon Bunch and I ducked for
New Rochelle to do a bit OF advance
work for our show.
Nobody knew us In the town. so we
posed as Cameron q Connolly. own
ers Of the Great Hall OF Illusions.
and managers OF the world wonder
and Magic king. Signor Beppo Petro-
skinski. and Ma'moselle Dodo. the
Oriental queen OF mystery.
Pretty hot line OF goods. eh7
We handed ont the salve thing ~
all the paper lads and they were for
us good and plenty.
After our publicity department had
been In operation for about four hours
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16

saved us the hardship OF ringing the
bell. Oh. he's thoughtful relative.
Bunch is"
Clara J. looked al me. looked az
Skinskl. he looked al Dodo. and she
looked at the piano and said thought.
fully, you betcher sweet
The idea OF Bunch coming 70 our
front door and then rushing OF again
without seeing anybody gasped
Peaches. what does.it mean ?"
Alice lives only half a mile away
and possibly Bunch was running be-
hind his schedule suggested
Just then Aunt Martha and Uncle
Peter came In the parlor. and present.
ly grabbed a chance to say few
words 10 Skinski on the side.
III my family circle ever gets wise
that you and the Queen OF Laughter
over there are excess baggage it'll be
to the cabbage patch for mine" !
whispered
I'm on" Skinskl whispered back.
Never a break from yours mysteri-
ously. believe me We wouldn't have
come out at all II your partner hadn't
insisted. He was so hot TO have VS.
butt IN here and hanc your heart a
futter that just couldn't rssist his
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16

we began to see the neighbors sit up
and notice us. and we figured on about
$1,000 opening
The show will cost us about $50
day" Bunch financed. with a stran-
gle hold on a big green lead pencil.
Let's see. expenses say $500 week
at the outside Now. let's strike low
average and say we play 10 $500 a
night: that's $500 a week. and two
matinees at. say 5000. that's $4,000 on
the week. eh. Jean, That gives us a
clean profit of $500 apiece for the
three OF us--oh. aces,"
1T looks good 10 me. Bunch"
agreed. and then We went out and or.
dered some more three-sheets and a
flock Of snipe.
We spent the whole day in New
Rochelle. and reached home tired.
but enthusiastic.
john said Clara j. when we were
alone after dinner. Uncle Peter says
II YOU will let him have that $4,000
by Thursday or Friday he will in.
vest II where the returns will be enor.
nous"
Sure" I answered. and I could feel
my ears getting pale: "T'll hand II
over TO him Thursday or Frlday--if
you think it's best not to invest II In
that new house
"Oh. | really do she hurried
back You know Uncle Peter Is so
careful and so clever with his invest.
ments. He told me In strictest conf.
dence only this morning that he would
more than double your money in six
months. Isn't that perfectly splen.
did,"
is that the wonderful secret you
threatened me with" asked mourn.
fully
"Oh. no." she replied: Il can't tell
you that till Wednesday evening"
1 promised not TO"
guess didn't sleep very well that
night. for had dreams Of Uncle Peter
| chasing me with a club all over a the
alter and making me hop every seat
! In the orchestra. while Ma'moiselle
Dodo sat perched on the balcony rail
and screamed. "You betcher sweet!
Copyright. q. " Dillingham; Coz
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16

"She is a poem"
In four cantos."
why do you say four cantos7"
She's been married four times"
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16

Little Eunicc-"Boo Hoo had a pretty pink frocl,
and mama cooked il and The pink all came out"
Mother--"I didn't know The color would fade Or
shouldn't have boiled it along with the other
clothes"
Anty Drudge-"Anything will fade. my dear, il it's
boiled long enough. Boiling ueakens the fabric and
dissoves the dye The best way is not to boil your
clothes, but to wash them with Fels-Naptha in cool
or lukewarm water FEELS Naptha the colors
instead of fading them. besides making the clothes
wear longer. 1t also you time work. bother
and money.
There are cheaper laundry soaps than
Fels-Naptha but no other SO economical.
Sounds odd, doesn't it
But it's true.
Fels-Naptha is more economical be-
cause IT saves time, saves work, saves the
cost of fuel and makes your clothes wear
twice as long.
Fels- Naptha cleans your clothes in
cool or lukewarm water in summer or
winter without boiling or hot water to
weaken their fabric, and without hard
rubbing to wear them into holes
1t takes half as long and requires
much less work than the old way.
Try it next washday.
See how white, and clean, and sweet
Fels-Naptha makes your clothes.
Follow carefully the directions on the
Iei and green wrapper.
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16


why do you applaud the lady mon
ologisi with such fervor?"
My dear fellow. she isn't wearing
q harem skirt"
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1912-03-16
SNOW HILL

about the building you going to do this year.
NOW is the time to begin to make arrangements
to get prices get ideas about the materials to use,
about the design all the details that are too often
left to be taken up and decided as the work is 60
ing on when it is impossible to give them proper
consideration. We can help you in all this and
can furnish complete plans and specifications
when desirable.
CONSULT US NOW.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-04-24
NOTED ZEN mo- spEAk

New York, April 24.-Publshers
representing scores of the large daily
newspapers of the United States and
Canada gathered at the Waldorf.As.
tori today for the annual convention
OF the American Newspaper Publish.
ers association. The convention ses.
sions will last three days and viii be
devoted to the discussion of the la
Dor problem, the paper question, the
matter of cooperative insurance AMI
other subjects of common interest
and importance to the members of
the association.
At its annual banquet tomorrow
night the association win have as
guests of honor Thomas A. Edison.
signor Marconi ana Alexander Gra-
ham Bell Among the speakers will
be Dr. John H. Finley. president of
the College Of the City of New York;
Augustus Thomas. the playwright and
Talcott WilIiams, the new chief of
the Pulitzer chool of journalism.
Congressm7n Victor Murdoch, of Kan
sas, will act as toastmaster.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-04-24
THE CAMPUS TO
BE HERE MAY
SECOND
FERRIS HARTMAN Is COMING
HERE WITH DANDY MUsI-
CAL PRODUCTION.

A great item of general interest in
the theatrical world, which concerns
the public of Las Vegas is the fact
that Ferris Hartman is soon to bring
his big company here to present to
local playgoers "The Campus the
record breaking musical comedy of
college life which enjoyed such a
phenomenal run in the city Of Los
Angeles, where It reached PIP per
formances. Mr.. Hartman is the best
known comedian OF the present day,
especially In the west, where he has
appeared almost exclusively FOR a
number of years. This will be the
first time that Mr.. Hartman has ap-
peared in this city and no doubt will
be eagerly welcomed.
The play, which Mr.. Hartman has
selected as the vehicle for the pres
ent tour has been endorsed by all
the critics of Salt Lake. Denver. Kan
sas City, st. Louis, Chicago and San
Francisco, where it met with most
enthusiastic receptions. Walter De
Leon, the young author and composer
of "The Campus" VIII be in the com.
pany supporting Mr. Hartman, as well
as Miss "Muggins' Davies, possibly
the most charming soubrette OH the
stage today, and Roscoe Arbuckle,
the rotund comedian, who enjoys
such a splendid reputation.
Much has been said and written
about the merit of "The Campus"
and the wohderful record which it
has established for itself, is unique.
The plot of the play, for it has plot
and very entertaining one, trears
of an incident in college life that is
most attractive. Indeed the entire at
mosphere of the play embodies the
spirit of youth as evidenced in our
great American colleges, which
forms the basis of the comedy. I'm
like most college plays, "The Cam
pus" does not depend upon any phase
Of football or college athletics for its
chief interest, which in this instance
centers around the writing OF a SEN
lor farce.
The fun Is natural and spontaneous
throughout. The music Of ''The Cam
pus" has occasioned a great deal of
praise as 1t is full OF the liveliest
and catchiest tunes. Among the song
tits are "How-de-do," SIS Everybody /
Las Vegas optic., 1912-04-24
ERIE R. R. HAS a BIRTHDAY.

EntE NJ n. FIH0 ~ Din tIDAIs
New York, April 24.-The Erie rail
road had its eightieth birthday ami
versary today, having been charter
ed April "a, 1882, though the line
was not completed and opened to
traffic until nearly 10 years later
Originally built by English capital,
the career of the Erie has been
marked by many vicisitudes. Some
of the most exciting chapters in the
history of the road were furnished
by the speculative operations OF the
late Jay Gould. Since the present
controlling powers took hold Of the
company several years ago the road
has done we'll form every view
point. So wonderful has been its re
juvenation, in fact, rnat the thou
sands Of stockholders scattered over
the United States and Canada and
entertain hopes that the day
Is not far distant when dividends may
be forthcoming on their holdings.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-04-24
A TREAcHERous TROUBLE.
East Las Vegas People Point the Way
Out

East Las Vegas People Point the Way
Out.
Kidney diseases are very dangerous
They come on silently, gain ground
rapidly, and cause thousands of deaths
that could rave been prevented by
proper treatment in the beginning
Nature gives early warnings of kidney
disease -backache, twinges of pain
when STOPPING or lifting, headaches
and urinary disorders. If these symp-
toms are unheeded, there Is grave
danger of dropsy or fatal Brights dis
ease. Doan's Kidney Pills have earned
a reputation for their effectiveness in
kidney troubles, and are known and
recommended the world over. East
Las Vegas testimony proves the merits
of Doans Kidney Pills to our readers.
Mrs. Andres Sena, 1915 Sixth St.,
East Las Vegas, N. Mex, says: "The
use of Doan's Kidney Pills in our
home had demonstrated their great
value in relieving backache and other
kidney disorders We procured this
at the Center Block Pharmacy
and it brought such satisfactory re-
suits that I publicly testified in its
praise over two years ago. have
personally recommended Doan's Kid
ney Pills to many of my friends since
then"
For sale by all dealers. Price so
cents. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo,
New York, sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the -Doan's--and
AXE no other.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-04-24

party belonging to the sealer Green
land were lost on a floe that wal
broken away by a berg from the ic,
surrounding their ship, and when res
cue came 4s of them had perished.
On November 80. 1899. the Fern
dale was carried down by a berg
and IL of her crew of 81 were lost. In
1898 the Gibraltar was lost. and in
1901 the Pioneer, the two disasters
costing over 100 lives. In 1903 the
Helen Stone went down with a less
of rs.
Some Thrilling Escapes.
Some of the escapes Of these years
were thrilling. In Februsr'. 1890.
the liner Amsterdam had 70 go south
for 1870 miles to escape IN fcepack
and the Exeter City 174 miles. IIerss
were sighted in the North Atlantic in
each of the 12 months Of that year.
In 1896 300 bergs were reported at
New York during March; 500 during
April, and 2,524 during May and
June.
In 1897 the vaandam was held fast
for five days In an ice pack over the
Banks. In the second week of
March, 1903, the Pandosia and Siner-
ian brought word to New York of
having made their way along oro-
cession of bergs $50 miles in extent
The first week in April so steamers
reported bergs at this port-sss OF
them altogether.
Two of the escapes that seamen
best remember were those of the Ari-
zona and Normannia. The Arizona,
in 1879, hit a berg while going at
speed Of IS knots. She succeeded in
getting back to St. Johns with 200
tons of ice on her decks. The Nor
then of the Hamburg-Ameri-
CdH iiHc, Dut idtc u AqulOohiC VI tHO
French line, on May 81, 1890, came
upon berg in water that had been
clear for many miles.
The berg was sighted so abruptly |
that collision was averted only by
Versing one screw while the other
raced ahead. In this way it was pos
sibe to turn the Normannia in half
ler length. A woman reached over
he rail and touched the berg as the
'hip swung around. Curiously enough
he Normannia was on her maiden
rip when she had this extraordinary
,xperience.-New York World.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-04-24

Happy" 4 Leave It To You." THE
Same Old Love. Before You are
Old" "The Lily and the Rose" and
the now famous "steing Song" The
production win be complete in every
detail Of scenery and costuming,
which is beautiful and effective. The
appearance Of Ferris Hartman in
The Campus" here viii be note
worthy occasion and one long to be
remembered. Due notice Of the seat
sale and all further particulars viii
be given in these columns later.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-04-24

TWO Freshmen Studying Latin
John had been restless all evening
and could not concentrate his mind
on his Latin for any length Of time
After many fruitlesa attempts to
translate sentence he closed his
book, looked at the clock, and decided
70 60 to bed; just then a knock was
heard at the front door John rushed
eagerly to the door. There stood his
chum with a book under his arm. He
grasped Ray by the arm, pulled him
inside ana shut the door, Before
Ray had time to speak John almost
shouted Sit down. old boy. You
don't know how glad am to see YOU
What's doing?"
Nothing. replied Ray, sI came
over to get you to help ne translate
my Latin. Have you got yours yet?p
John replied that he had not and
the boys went into the library. They
sat down at the table ana opened
their books. John read the first few
words Of one sentence when ray in.
terrupted him. Say, DO you know
what I'm going 10 do tomorrow
NO, whatgp
Well you know the last period
when H. takes the roll be always
Las Vegas optic., 1912-04-24
MARYLAND woMENs CLUBS

Baltimore, Nd April 24.-On the
occasion of the annual convention OF
the Maryland Federation Of Women's
clubs host of women visitors inval-
ed Baltimore today and will remain
in possession of the city until Satur-
day An elaborate program combin-
ing business and entertainment has
been prepared for the gathering.
Las Vegas optic., 1912-04-24
FAoMus SINGERS TO BE AEARr

FAoMus SINGERS TO BE HEARD
spartanburg, S. c., April 24.-Music
lovers from hal ia dozen states are
IN Spartanburg for the eighteenth an
nual South Atlantic States Musical
festival. The festival opens tonight
and will continue over Thursday and
Friday. The participants in this years
program include Mary Garden, Nine.
Jeanne Jomeli, George Hamlin. ELI
son Van Hoose and several other IA
nous soloists, assisted by the New
York symphony Orchestra and the
large chorus of the Converse College
choral society.