davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
COULD NOT SEE THE JOKE
German Railroad Official Utterly Un-
able to Appreciate Humor Of
American Traveller.

Ever ride in a German express?"
said traveller. We'll, they call 1t
over there a 'schnellzug,' meaning
fast train
Il was going from Cologne to
Mainz, l think 1t was. and the thing
was not making any more speed than
an American milk train. Out of my
disgust and my small knowledge OF
German evolved what thought was
an original name. decided that in
stead of being schnellzug the train
really was snailzug and looked about
for somebody to benefit with my wit
ty conceit. There was nobody about
that looked as IL he spoke English,
SO yelled for the conductor. He came,
fat military person, covered with a
uniform and an array Of medals.
Conductor remarked pleasant
ly, I have decided that this train IL
not schnellzug, but snailzug.'
.Wass?' he shouted. tried to
explain. His expression increased in
perplexity. l exhausted all my Ger
man and all his English In the effort
to make myself plain. Finally we be-
gan to understand, but he did not ap-
preciate the Joke. On the contrary,
he seemed to consider l had been
guilty Of a personal affront. and had
to apologize or run the risk Of being
put of the train. After that never
dared to joke with a German con.
ductor."
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
NOT HERE TO BE MISERABLE
Learn to Keep Them In
Background.

II there is anything that is trritat-
ing 1t is the way that some people
talk Of their troubles, as If they were
Q kind of a treat-not cheerrully, but
with a kind Of gloomy Joy; in word.
they IRE resigned. It is only mighty
big humbugs that will say they are
thankful for troubles. We may even.
tually live to see that they we're right
and best for us. but at the time it ia
sheer Hypocrisy to waggle our heads
solemnly and say: Happiness is a
snare, anyhow; 1t is foolish for any
one to expect happiness in this griz'
Ely old world"
servo happiness. We weren't put here
to be miserable The idea that life
is for suffering and not enjoyment is
fast being shelved. II the Lord ap
proved of lamentations and tears. he
would not have put so much in the
world to make us hopeful and happy
There is nothing more common than
trouble. We all have our troubles,
but 1t Il the wise ones Of earth that
keep their burdens in the background
It Is so common and cheap and selfish
10 be continually parading ones griefs
and disappointments. Whatever out
lot, we should all learn the wisdom OF
that helpful little prayer: Help me
to win. il win l may; but IL I may not
win. make me good loser."-Mary
Eleanor O'Donuell in Chicago Trib
uno
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
Safety for tho Malls.


A new appliance invented by w. T..
sebree OF Carrolton, KY, for the COL
lection and delivery of mail on NOV
ing trains. has been successfully
tested on the Illinois Central railroad.
It consists Of flexible chain net at
tackled to the door of a mail car,
which catches the mall bags which are
to 60 on the train. and at the same
time delivers the other bags In q
similar net at the station. The old
plan of kicking the sacks of on the
station platform. and hanging the out
going ones on q hook to be picked up
by the moving train, has been pro-
nounced too crude and dangerous and,
as the postmaster general has given
his approval to the new device. 1t is
probable that all railroads will be
equipped with 1t in the near future.
In order to demonstrate that no
damage was done to the mail by the
use OF this machine live pig was
both collected" by the train and de-
livered without hurting 1t in tho least.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
FORESTS HELP GIVE HEALTH
Mitigate Heat and Cold and Check
Tendency Of Earth to Exces-
sive Dryness.

Forests contribute to the general
health by breaking the force OF stead
lily blowing winds. They mitigate tho
heat of summer by the vast amount
Of evaporation that occurs In their
leaves by day. BY night the CORE
spending condensation Of moisture up
on the leaves still further absorbs the
heat on the evaporation OF the mois-
ture the next morning. They also pro-
mote rainfalls Thus they check the
tendency Of the earth to too great
dryness, which is almost as Injurious
to health as it is to vegetation. for
epidemic diseases are sure to do their
fatal work where the saltwater is be-
low the ordinary standard.
Hence cholera often passes wood.
ed district and revels in treeless
one. There are numerous facts like
the following: A certain road in In
dia leads for sixty miles through
dense forest. Further on 1t runs for
ninety miles through barren plain.
Hundreds of persons travel the entire
road daily. Now. in the first or wood
ed section, cases of cholera seldom
occur, while within the latter 1t has
been of frequent occurrence. One year
cholera ragged in Allahabad. Soldiers
whose barracks we're on hill suffered
the most from the epidemic; those In
barracks surrounded by four rows OF
trees much less; but not single case
occurred among the soldiers whose
barracks were in q thicket. It was
the same the next year.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
THOUGHT ne MEANT TRlPE
Mrs. Aallls' Sadly MlsIsd Absvt Illus.
band's DIET BY Deaf Old
Family Doctor.

Mr.. Mills was III. and Mrs. Mills
sent post haste for the deaf old family
doctor. who. responding promptly to
the call. looked Mr.. Mills carefully
over and decided he was not going to
die that time. As the physician took
his leave. Mrs. Mills followed him out
into the hall. "Dr. Crimes" she said.
how about Albert's diet? You didn't
tell me what should give him to
eat!"
The doctor. who had his deaf side
toward his interrogation. mistook her
question for an inquiry 40 to the ma
ture Of Mr.. Mills disease and replied
grumpy ahd shortly! "Oh. stomach.
Mountaineering but stomach"
Dear mel" thought Mrs. Mills. who
IL not a subtle reasoner. Il suppose.
OF course. he must mean tripe. Us q
singular diet. but perhaps Albert's dis
ease 10 singular"
Next day when the doctor called he
found the patient much worse, and at
once inquired what he had had to
eat.
II gave him Just what you told me
TO-" shouted Mrs. Mills into the doc.
tors best ear. nothing In the world
but tripe."
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
oses . pessrvsd Holiday.

oses . 0ossrved Holiday.
"Oid Jimmy" Rowan, trackwalker
between Umtanum and Roza, In tho
Yakima canyon In Washington, passed
the Christmas holiday at the home OF
his birth In. Ireland. a. q guest OF
the Northern Pacific Railway COM
pany, In whose employ no has been
for q years without . vacation or
layof. He has been In central Wash.
ington since 1887, living alone in q
rude shack built Of odd pieces of
boards and discarded railroad ties:
and has been on the track at all hours
and In rain and shine. He has seen
the tributary country in Transforms
tion from the sageb4ush and Jack
rabbit period 70 the day Of high agri-
cultural perfection and enjoys the
frlsndship Of scores Of engine drivers.
drsEnen and other railroad employees.
- well - the acquaintance of every
man. woman and child for many miles
arouna. Rowan. who is 81 years OF
40. recently expressed the wish Of
returnang 70 his. native home. His re-
quest ana record were forwarded to
the company's main once at st. Paul.
from which transportation was pro.
vided. His railroad friends also made
up . purse - cover his expenses
while Be % abroad :,
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

1T 10 already IN active service and at
tracts grest deal Of attention among
railroad men wherever It goes.
Tho CHIEF point Of construction
.IwhieAss Distinguishes these engines
from others Of similar type IL In the
fact that they are each four.cylinder
balanced simple locomotives. The
combining Of the balanced feature
with . simple engine has been used
lin Europe. but these new engines are
the only ones a this type in America.
and are The only inspection locomo-
tfves thus equipped In the world. Be-
low the forward end Of the new loco
motives are located four equal cylin-
den. those on the outside being con-
,nsctsd. With drivers. and the inside
cylinders driving through practically
Duplicate connections to the crank
axle. Between the cylinders 10 a
single piston valve With inside admis-
sion. The valve chamber has only
two steam posts. An opening In the
port allows - steam 10 enter the
rear Of oos cylinder and the forward
end q the other simultaneously ana
in equal amoants. This maintains
the balance. The vadve gear. as VIII
b seen. IL Of the Walschaert type.
J A. indicated in the photograph, the
observation room and the engineers
and nrsman's quarters arc under the
Same room. There are four chairs on
each side ol tbasboiler in the observe
.sva room. The interior finish Of this
room 10 elaborate. An arrangement
FIR SIGNALING the engineer 10 located
near the ri6ht-hand front chair. The
front doors, It will be noted, open out
ward to Winding steps. TO prevent
coal dust from being blown into the
observation coach. the tender is
equipped With . sheet.iron covering.
The weight Of the new locomotive
in worting order IL 10000 pounds.
Tho weight on the drivers IL $500
pounds. The diameter Of the drive
wheels over tires 10 63 inches. The
wheel base Of the engine and tender
10 about 4sh feet The boiler 10
wagon top in shape. and has q work
ing pressure Of $50 pounds. The total
heating surface is 1.4ee square feet.
The water capacity Of tho tender 10
1900 gallons. and the coal capacity
ten tons. The diameter and stroke OF
the cylinder IL 12h BY 20 inches.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
Eay.KlIIed Bacteria.

A method for sterilizing milk with
out heating or adding preservatives is
claimed to have been effectively dem
onstrated recently in Holland. An ap
paratus has been constructed. 1t IL
explained, whereby the milk flows In
q thin stream along an electric light
the ultraviolet beams working on the
bacteria. The result is attributed te
the quality Of the ozone formed under
the influence Of the light.-The ArCo
maui.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
A. Deduction.

Look at that fellow Gassaway!"
said Hicks. by George, If ever any
man was born with a silver spoon In
his mouth, he's the one!"
Think so?" said Dubkins. "Now I
should have said. looking at Gassa-
ways mouth, that 1t must have been
q soup-ladle he was born with. -
,Harpers Weekly. -. ,....
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
The Youth In Politics.

Professor Blackie was in favor Of q
higher age limit for parliamentary
candidates than Is at present enforced.
Il remain decidedly of opinion he
writes. that no man ought to open
his month on the hustings or at public
dinners till he is at leas. 80 years Of
age. Young men are absolutely inca
able of political wisdom; 1t is the fruit
Of time and cannot be extenporized
from the young ebullience of the
brain like g brilliant lyric poem or .
dashing novel;
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Uplifting Power % che ss0
1T (the pressl lifts 40 - q -
Iecal rut and gives u Tia 0R0a4eeS
spirit and Intelligence Of comHaca eel1r
sans Of . great country. sun lufeAoG.
q extends our sympatAloo ee1oA4'
natural bounds and gives - - tsel.
Ing Of human solidarity. DIR. Abege
NAV.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
A eeoaar's Luaeaae.

When Bridget Flanagan, who Dc.
scribed herself as "a poor lone Irish
widow woman" was arrested for beg
ging at Wells she had the following
articles distributed about her person:
Tea. sugar. fresh cut beefsteak. piece
Of bacon, two bloaters. bread and
cheese. four buns bag Of biscuits,
cooked fagot, two apples. onions, two
clay pipes, tobacco. cigarettes and
snuff.-London Evening Standard.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

STOP carrying goods that are out q
style and season. see the ONtT9S
SALES co. and dispose OF your utssea&5
sonahle goods. We conduct auctions
anywhere. selling anything Ia mex
chandise from farm machinery 70
stock OF notions. Only the best Auks
tioneers employed. Write for lHscxnsN
stion and choice dates. Best 1eAAQ43
now commencing. TIVE uett1Q
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

earned another quarter of a million
for the author.
Mrs. Wigs Of the Cabbage Patch
Q little book Of only 10000 words. has
paid to its author as book and play
about SO a word, and David Harum"
produced a fortune for the heirs OF
the man who wrote It Aside from
the glory of satisfaction. every novel.
ist whether man or woman. is expect.
ing. to create some day a Ben ur'
or David Harum."
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

gift
IA
Ohio granted.
Of in
husbands work
both in Cincinnati and in Washington
tograph hererep her favorite niece
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
aahlnd rima.

what Is the matter with this rail-.
way?" asked one irate passsngf.
This train Is three or four hours
overdue"
Think Of me-" said tho stockholdsr.
land have patience. Its dividends are
three or four years overdue"
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
lure Of the Author.

One wonders why 80 many novels
are written. Yet consider the state
nent just made BY the managers Of
the play adapted from ''Ben-Hur."
They have paid S250.000 in royalties
to the estate Of its author and expect
to pay much more before the public
tires Of IL The book itself has had
. sale Of over a million copiet. never
a cheap form. and has probsbly
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
Moi Ajwava.

TT is always wise.'' said the sage
one, never to take . step without
attaching weight to It."
'But," objected the foolish one,
that is what the convict with chain
and ball does"
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Advertisers The great state OF
North Dakota offers unlimited oppor-s
tunities for business to classified adj
vertisers. The recognized advertisln9|
medium Is the Fargo Daily and SundayS
Courier News, tho only seven day pal
per In the state and the paper whtc3A
carries the largest amount OF classified
advertising. The Courier News covers
North Dakota like a blanket; reaching
all parts OF the state the day Of publ y
cation; 1t is the paper to use In order
to get results: rates I cent per WORD
FIRST insertion. one half cent per WORD
succeeding insertion: so cents per lind
per month. Address The Courier-
News. Fargo, N. d.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Southwest Iowa is fertile field for
the man with anything to sell that
has merit. 1t Is thickly populated Andy
prosperous. Seventy i've thousand peo-g
pie in southwest Iowa read the daily
Nonpareil. II is the great want ad !
medium OF this section. 1t Is known
far and wide as producer OF results. q
II YOU have land or anything else to-
sell or trade, get in touch with SOUTH
west iowa thru the Nonpareil. write
for our special ofYer. Ncnpareil. Coun-
eli Bluffs. Iowa.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
.ner Own Hat the obstruc.Ion.

= WoF Own Hat the OoStfuctIon.
A woman In q Vienna theater came
out after the first act and asked to
have the price Of the ticket refunded.
on the ground that having complied
with the request to remove her hat
she had held It on her knees and thus
the stage.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
Tho Main Reality.

|. The Main Reality.
Critic-How the public flock to that
play! And yet there II nothing real
in 1t.
Manaser-ob. yes. there is There's
real money In It.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
- -
AGENTS WANTED.

Wanted-Live agent can make big
money selling whispering telephone
mouthpieces; every telephone user buys
them. American Telephone Appliance
Company, at South Dearborn street,
Chicago, III.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

The tea grown In Burmah IL almost
entirely made into letpct (pickled teal
and eaton as q condiment. 1t therefore
DOES not affect the worlds supply os
tea for drinking.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
CLIMBING for cata.

A boy In northern Michigan was out
hunting and saw two cats UP q tree.
The family needed pussy about. and
so he laid down his gun and took
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

any yet built IN
this country. have
been turned out
within the past
few months BY the
locomotive shops
ol tho Ohio rail
road. The nrst
one to be com
Noted 10 shown
T. A.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
IOWA EARMo.

Home near eoiless@Forty acres two
miles from Iowa Falls postofx.ce. ~
miles to Ellsworth College. on good
gravel road. Fair nine-rocm house.
cistern and well. barn 2ex4s. hog house
16x20. chicken house sx20. new cattle
shed 12xs2. coal house loxl4. GOOD well
and wind mill. good grove and some
fruit. all tillable. Il a bargain AZ the
price os $?,s7s. Fc. further particulars
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Wantod-A middle aged lady, without
children, as housekeeper on farm. A.
Gryzinski, Victor. Iowa.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

He Speciality.
n like very sensitive horse for
hunting" III,
ono3" 1870 g., f.
because he naturally is quick to
take q fence" y.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
eno,,ah anobberv.

English onobbsry.
Many win open their purses to 20
ciety which has countess for pat
ron, but will not help tho poor neigh
Dor next door--IOndon Mail.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Neutrality-suspicious. dining room
girl. Stoddart Cafe.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
HAS NEW EQUIPMENT
lMsesoTsoas LOCOMOTIVE DIP.
FGRs PROM ORDINARY TYPE.
csHblUee uslanoe Feaevss With Sim
pie Engine h6stlsod Has Been
Ueed In Europe But Not De-
Soeo In This Country.

Two inspection locomotives, differ.
ting IN some important features from
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
CUT RATE SHIPPING.

CUT RATE SHIPPING.
Cut rate on household goods O.
Pacific coast and other points. Sus
perior service at reduced rates. TAe
Boyd Transfer Company. Ainnsapol11,
MINI. S
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Wantsd-A housekeeper. Small fam
lily Address w. W., care T.-R.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
HELP WANTED-FeMALE.

Wanted-A middle aged lady. with
out children. as housekeeper on farm.
Address Edo, care Times Republican.
Marshalltown.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

For Sale-Cash only. Clear stock I'M
Elements. Central Iowa town. Etao-
lished 20 years. Invoice about S2'aoo'
good country Only stock IN to"h'
Reason for selling. other business Al
dress Box Al, Randall Iowa,
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

WantcdNOne to 6 horse power
motorcycle in good running condition
and must be cheap. Notify at once.
Telephone els
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Wanted-Work on farm by married
man. Address IN. W. care Thomas
Nell. Clemens. Iowa.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
MISCELLANEOUS.

Have $500 to invest In business in
town with good schools. Full particu
lars first letter. Box 137. PopeJoy.
Iowa
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Wanted-Ladies to assist in dem
onstrating "U -C-THIS." the wonder
full new cleaner for all purposes.
equally efficient in cleaning the most
delicate fabrics or in scrubbinG floors
or washing dishes. If you want a few
days profitable employment. address
with references, U-C-THIS Compound
Company, 20S- 20S-210 West Second
street, Des Moines Iowa.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Wanted-Good live real estate men
to sell improved Mississippi farms.
Everything right. Good exclusive con-
tract Box 152, Marshalltown. Iowa.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

board, by good christian woman.
Phone 1908 red.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
FOR NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..

For Sale--Cheap. one air tight wood
stove, one oil stove: both used less
than sixty days. Gifford-Jarrett Shoe
Company, 115 Main street. East.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
HELP WANTEp-MALE.

Wanted-First- class butte-maker fo
creamery. Fine proposition. Carl!
Employment Agency.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Wanted-I want to rent a stock or
dairy farm on shares. Address It's.
care this office.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
CANADA LANDS.

For SAie-One- fourth section good
Canadian wheat land-strictly gooR
proposition. Four miles from town.
VIII consider a trade for good livery
stock. Del McCord. Marshalltown.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12

Wanted-Let your wants he known
Carrs Employment Agency. Phone
$50.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
FOR sALE-CITY PROPERTY.

For Sais-Cho.ce OF two desirable
residence lots on one of the best streets
in the west part Of the city. north OF
Main. Terms II desired. Inquire W. B.
Wildman, ut Times Republican on;ca-
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1912-01-12
write Scenic City Land and Loan Con-.
pany. Iowa Falls, Iowa.
FOR EXCHANGE.
BIG BARGAIN. 400 AcReo.

All tiled out. No waste land. Very
best soil Fair improvements. No
water drains on to the land Price for
quick sale sos per acre. Worth 3l:S.
Easy terms. Address NIB. care this
| paper.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1912-03-14
STRIKE SETTLEMENT
May Be Made Following an
Agreement on Joint
Conference.
National News Association


LONDON. March 1.-THE most i'm
portant move in the negotiations to
settle the British coal strike was taken
today when the executive committee
of the Federated union of miners un-
animously adopted a resolution In IA
vor of a joint conference throughout
the coalAelds Of the United Kingdom
for the purpose of settling upon salts
factory prices. This proposal had orr
ginally ben made by Premier Asquith
and its acceptance is expected to ex-
pedite a settlement and also to give
greater satisfaction to both miners and
coal owners because of the different
influences exerted by different condi-
tions in various fields.
At the same time. however. the min
ers resolved that the men should not
go back to work until a minimum
wage had been agreed to by both
sides. The conference of miners repre-
sentatives, government officials and
operators which broke of yesterday
after a general discussion of the stu
alton was resumed today at the foreign
Office at 1880 o'clock with Premier AS
quith presiding.
In addition to Premier Asquith, Sir
George Asquith of the government
board Of trade was present.
England is getting impatient at the
slowness of the proceedings and it is
said that King George is bringing pres
sure to bear upon Premier Asquith to
force settlement