The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1912-07-13
AT WILLIE'S BEDTIME
WHEN, MOTHER HAS SESSION
WITH FRAcTIoUs OFFSPRING,
Of Course You Never Heard a Woman
Talk Like This-lf He Was
Yeur Boy What Would
You Dor

Willie, will you 1ust look at that
clock? You have hooked at it? Then
why don't you get ready for bed? You
know that you must always be in bed
by $3.50. don't care II Ted Thomas
does sit up until nine. Half-past eight
Is your bedtime and-Stop that NUT
tering! You know that have told
you many times not to mutter and.
No, you cannot sit up to study your
home lesson! Strange that you never
think of your home lesson until your
bedtimei You will have time to study
1t in the morning II you get up early.
Yes, you will! No, the clock Is not
half an hour fast! had your father
set 1t by his watch this very >orning.
No, you can't Just finish that story.
You have had the whole evening in
which to read and study, and you have
done nothing but dawdle. Now you
arc very eager to read and study,
aren't you? I don't care anything
about what other boys do, for. II
you do not stop that muttering shall
call your father! Yes. you will care!
And l want you to wash your hands
good before you go to bed. When
did you wash item? No, it isn't only
sissy.boys who have clean hands.
Willie Smythe, will you just bear in
mind that it Is your mother to whom
you are speaking? Yes, you act as If
you knew it! You will have cause to
remember 1t If 1 call your father He
Isn't your mother, as you very we'll
know. Don't you DO impertinentl
That is one thing your mother will
not put up with. as I have told you q
hundred times! Why don't you take
Oft your shoes? You pick up that
necktie! The idea Of ningiag things
around the room like TINT! That isn't
the place for your Jacket! I'd like to
know what the house would look like
If wasn't particular! Stop Jerking
so at that shoe lace! ! don't care II
1t Is in hard knot. Jerking like that
will only make the knot harder Now,
knew that you would break that
shoe lace! You would try the pa
ticnce of--Willio! You pick up that
shoe and put it whore it belongs at
night! No, you cannot have something
to eat before you go to bed. The idea
of it! After all the supper you had.
What are you taking all of those
things out of your pockets for? You
put them right back! 1t would take q
good hour to look over all of the
things In your pockets. What under
the sun, moon and stars are you car
rying around three dirty handker-
chiefs for? And you were fussing yes.
terday because you couldn't find q
clean handkerchief!
Now you hustle Off to the bathroom
and give those hands good scrub
bling. You wish that you lived in q
land where there wasn't any water?
How long do you think that you would
live there? You give those hands q
good scrnbbing! Use plenty of soap.
BE sure and wash back OF your ears.
Use plenty Of water. never saw
such boy as you are. to think that
you can get yourself clean with half
tcacup Of water. Your towel isn't on
Its hook? l am sure that is isn't If
you were the only one who used it
last Look for. And you Gull your.
self washed already? Let me SEQ
your hands. Willie Smythel The
Idea of you calling those hands
washed! They will do for tonight, but
you have simply got to wash yourself
In dead earnest in tho morning. I
shall look after those ears myself
then. Now you go to your room and
to bed. 1t is a good three-quarters of
an hour after your regular bedtime,
and you know that mother always In
B1sts on you going to bed at exactly
1880. and tho sooner yor learn that
you must mind your mother, the bet
ter. I don't believe that gu have
been in bed at $3.50 for month. You
can't find your nightgown? Judging
from the rest Of the stuff in your
pockets. perhaps your nightgown is
there. No, you shall not go to bed
without it. You'll find 1t somewhere
in the closet in your room. You found
It? knew that you would. I want
that muttering stopped! It's the
tenth time tonight that I have told
you to stop muttering, and you know
that when mother speaks she has to
be obeyed! Goodnight, Willie! That's
pretty way to say goodnight to your
mother. isn't K? You most certainly
cannot take book to bed with you
for little while! Bud Deane says he
reads In bed every night9 That is
nothing to me. If his mother wants to
let him do anything that foolish, she
can; but your mother is not that kind
OF a woman. Get right into bed and
0Vyf HSY10$ 0,,11S
have getting you to bed every night
and I'll have worse time getting you
up in the morning. Got that light QUIT
You'd betterl Stop that whistling!
Goodnight, Williel Dear. dear. these
boysl-Judge.
swlss Army Scandal.
L. Al