davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
YOUNG MEN DREAM DREAMS
Their Invention Is More Lively Than
That Of the Age4, Says
Bacon.

A man that is young in years may
be old in hours, If he has lost no time,
Generally youth is like the first cogi-
tations, not so wise as the second, for
there is a youth in thought as we'll
as in ages: and yet the invention of
young men is more lively than that OF
old, and imaginations stream into
their mind better, and, as it were.
more divinely Natures that have
much heat, and great and violent de-
sires and pertarbations, are not ripe
for action till they have passed the
meridian of their years; but reposed
natures may do we'll in youth.
On the other side, heat and viyacity
in age Is an excellent composition for
business; for the experience of age in
things that fall within the compass
Of it, directeth them. The errors Of
young men are the ruin Of business;
but the errors of aged men amount to
but this, that more might have been
done, or sooner. Young men, In the
conduct and manage Of actions en-
brace more than they can hold. stir
more than they can quiet; fly to the
end, without consideration Of the
means and degrees; pursue some few
principles which they have CHANGED
upon absurdly: care not to innovate;
use extreme remedies at first; and
that, which doubleth all errors viii
not acknowledge or retreat them-like
an unruly horse, that will neither
stop nor turn.
Men of age object too much, con-
suit too long, adventure too little, re-
pent too soon; and seldom drive
business home to the full period; but
content themselves with mediocrity
of success. Certainly it is good to
compound employments of both, for
that will be good for the present, be-
cause the virtues of either age may
correct the defects OF both; and good
for succession, that young men may
be learners while men in age are ac-
tors. And lastly, good for extreme &C.
ciqents; because authority followeth
old men, and favor and popularity
youth. But for the moral part, youth
will have the preference, as age hath
for the public. From Baeon's Essays.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Mal,--rs t--Oog.

On very windy day man is walk
il ! along the street with his dog An
extra fierce ~rst Of wind takes off the
II ans h!t agl sends it rolling and
slipping,
'IIey. Ecyc.!" shouts the man to
tie dog, and the dog bounds after the
L1t.
A fine, intelligent animal that; in re-
t ieying the hat he saved his owner a
lot of work and trouble. you think; but
wait bit.
Now that Rover has got the hat
Playful streak strikes him and before
he brings it back he rolls the hat
around on the sidewalk where he has
nailed it and gets 1t pretty dusty and
he winds up BY slamming big dent
iii the crown.
Nice dog, intelligent very. but the
man thinks he'll recover his hat him
self hereafter-New York Sun.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
MuFFlED KNOCKS.

IL am glad to hear you eating your
soup with so much enjoyment. Uncle
Richard
Yes, that's a very amusing story,
old chap, but here's the way my
grandfather says they used to tell 1t
when he was a boy"
az always come to your restaurant
for my noon lunch, Klipson, because
there's no danger of ever finding 1t
crowded"
~ beg your pardon, sir, for letting
the train of my dress get under your
feet. I'll remove 1t as soon as I can"
"Borus. come and let's have a
square meal. won SIS from Naggus
by reading your last story through
without stopping"
"Dearie, wouldn't mind what any.
body says; ] know you could have mar
ried long ago II the right man had
come along"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
when the Attentions Of The SUI
IetiA II salled to any misstatemehl
II fast Or to any error sonserline
my man 81 thing, screstons will
Dheerfdlly BE- made.
Germs and Longevity.

Prof. Ellie Metchnikoff has dis
covered new secret of long life. He
claims that old age is due to iAtesti-
nal germs and that the secret OF long
life is the successful combating Of
these germs. The white corpuscles
of the blood are the agents that
drive back the enemy. One method
or aiding the white corpuseles In
their fight he finds insthe drinking
OF certain bulgarian soW milk,
which is somewhat like our butter
milk. He finds the Bulgarians very
long lived and ascrihes the fact to
their sour milk diet,
Another discovery the eminent
scientist clam to have made Is 4
germ In the intestines Of some dogs
which secretes sugar and thus aids
In the fight against old age bacilli
This germ Is called the glycobacter.
The only reason the dogs do not live
longer, he thinks, is because OF their
diet.
Other European physicians have
shown disposition to belittle Pro-
fessor Metchnikoff'ss old age theories
Yet his eminent services to science.
his discovery of the work done By
blood corpuscles and other similar re-
searches have given him standing
that insures respectful attention 10
anything he may say.
1t is certain that the average. hu-
man life has been measurably length
ened during the memory of those
now living, and there is every reason
to believe that the span may be ex-
tended still further. Whether sour
milk and glyeobacters are of i'm
portanee or not is matter that can
only be determined by careful ex
periments, but they sound right and
we are for them. III as x
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
SPEAKING ABOUT LOVE
FOUR CHERISHED ApAGES ARE
CALLED MERE JOKES.
Pessimistic Writer Undertakes to
Show That These oft-Quoted Ex.
pressions Concerning Tender
Passion Are Only Nonsense.

In regard to love We hear express
sions like these:
Love rules ALL"
"All the world loves lover"
"A maid should obey the dictates OF
heart"
Love laughs at Iocksmiths"
And others too numerous to mem
ton.
Perhaps the first one Is the best
joke Of the lot. Love rules all! That
is one OF the funniest things you ever
heard! Some even go so far as to
think children can be ruled by love.
1t has been seen In practice..a This Is
the way 1t works:
"Come, now Johnnie. Come, DEAR"
Not bulge from Johnnie.
Come on, darling. Mamma wants
you to come now. sweetheart. Come
on" Pa
Nothing stirring
Johnnie must come now. Johnnie be
good boy. Mamma will give Johnnie
q cookey tomorrow"
'Donwanto
"Oh, yes. you must come! 1t is get
ting late now. Come on, dear"
Johnnie doesn't
Come on. now, Johnnie. You must
come, Mammals tired Of waiting.
Mamma spank.n
Johnnie still unconyinced.
Whack. Wnack! Whaek!
johnnie comes.
All the world loves q lover!" An
other joke.
What do we love about him? Per
hapsa the foris. and candy man love
him. abi that's about the extent OF it.
In the oidea days when the lover did
a great deal IF signing and desperate
hair pulling and provided entertain
ment for the neighbors by clipping
with the girl once in a while, people
felt mildly grateful for the show. But
1t hardly amounts to love. And GER
tainly his seranading beneath her lat
tice was more likely to bring brickbats
than demonstrations of affection.
A maid should obey the dictates of
her heart" is rather good.
Some people evidently adhere to the
belief that there is heart that
heaven has made for thee" or they
have faith in the text of some humor-
GUS ballad.
But. as most of US know, when a fel.
low has special talents In the love
making line. and time and inclination
to perfect his talents, he can make any
girl think he is the one to furnish the
heart that heaven has made for
thee" whereas, men who have neither
time nor talent nor inclination In that
direction must go unloved and unsung.
and the latter kind of man could carry
seven or eight OF the former kind in
his vest pocket
Sometimes the young woman must
, choose between college professor
and a saloon keeper One can give
her social position and car fare; the
other an electric brougham and a pink
plumed bonnet. 1t is hard to decide
in such case The dictates of her
heart are led In one direction by the
ostrich plumes, and In the other by
the prospect of having a hat off and at
home expression at a college COM
mencement--a very great thing, In
| deed, and thing to create heart long.
ing.
Love laughs at locksmiths!" An
ancient joke!
Girls do not elope by ladder any
more. If they did the father would
probably furnish the ladder.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

Editor Bulletin:
Just as st. Patrick bell titled l 80
a. M the residents occupying abou.
ten city blocks in The ncighbnrhcod
of Twenty-first straes AMI Washing
ton ayetue aroused from their early
Sunday morning slumSer by what
seemed terrific explo5tn. Gas was
lit, electricity turned GU awakened
persons rushed to their DORIS, chill
dren screamed, and another exple-
slons followed Those in view saw
an automobile headlight facing the
Sycamore street door of the garage
All then retired, some thinking ;hc
explosions We're, necessary At that
time of morning, others not, but
when, after Ihe space Of more time
than it took for the disturbed resi-
dents to again retire to their we'll
merited rest, more explosions oc-
CARED, one Of the neighbors ven
tured to don some garments and see
if he was mistaken. and had slept
from June 20 until morning on
July
Residence districts are no place 10
place round houses. / have been n
many of ta'ln sbut never yet head
such shock Ia noises as at this early
morning bombariment.. fe4
Signed,
VAN O. DIN.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Explaining the Matter.

81 want some hose for my husband"
"What kind, madam"
Garden hose"
II beg pardon. Did | understand
you to say that you wanted garden
hose for your husband?"
Eyes. young mar That's what I
said | want some cheap, thick socks.
size eleven. My husband has already
spoiled several pairs of his best silk
hose while working on his onion bed"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
chlld's First Years important.

A happy and healthy childhood, full
of sunshine and merriment. and kind
Illness and under standing. means sue
cessful and helpful maturity. A great
of sin is stupidity. And nothing so iu-
creases fear and begets stupidity as
disorderly and inconsequent environ.
ment in the first few years.--Auon.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Equally Undesirable.

What would you think of young
man who declared you were the first
girl he ever kissed"
II would have to know him to decide
whether to class him as candidate
for the Ananias club or as molly
coddle."
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Always a Chance.

A mans destiny is never closed.
Every moment he has the power to
pour into the empty vaae of the past
the red liquor OF q strong purpose.
and of that which was q grief and
shame he can make an inspiration.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Educators Long and Useful Lie.

Prof Armlnius Vambery, professor
OF languages at Pesth university at
Budapest has just entered his eight
ieth year, with no dimnution Of the
vigor which has characterized his long
and active lie.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
A Loyal Fan.

snow listen to me-"
"All right, doc"
"You are threatened with a nervous
breakdown"
81 know it."
you must quit worrying"
Il can't do it, doc, until after all
the players are signed" ....
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
So ThouahtfuI Of Him.

Bridegroom two days after wed
ding)--I haven't seen anything yet OF
that $1,000 check from your father.
& Bride-Well, you see, dear, papa
heard that your father had already
given us one, and he knew we
shouldn't care to have duplicate pres
ents.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Accounted For,

"My wife was so busy at her suf
frage work that she sent me to buy a
bonnet for her, and, of course, l got
stung on it."
That was because she had bee
in it."
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
An Extremist.

Tile prides himself ON being open
and above-board In everything he I'M
dertakes."
That being the case, ! presume he
takes all his baths in the public
square s,s Yz.s 81 48
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Desperate.

81 believe Mr.. Blank will propose to
our Edith tonight"
"What makes you think thet?"
81 noticed when he came in he had
a sort of desperate look."-Meggen-
dorfer Blaetter.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Sounded Well.

Maud-Miss oldun thinks that hotel
clerk Just lovely.
Ethel-Why not?
Maud--He wrote opposite her name
on the hotel register, suite 16.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
The Limit,

Miss Pry is the most inquisitiye
sort of q girl. There is nothing doing
but she manages to have her finger in
it,"
Il notice she hasn't got her finger in
an engagement ring yet"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

While the gentleman from New
Jersey did not lead fnythe voting
Frday. he was ahead in cheer
ing. Isl
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
The Popular Remedy,

so you are going to make a new
Will and cut some Of the present lega-
tees out"
Yes. am going to give some OF
my relations the fresh heir treat
ment."
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

Little did the late lamented Abra.
lam Lincoln think that he was TO
play such q prominent part in the
presidential campaign Of 1912.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Questionable Hospitality.

Uncle Cyrus, when you come to
town | want to put you up under my
own roof"
Well / amt a-going in any attic
room for nobody, can tell you right
now"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Would Work convicts on Roads.

California has the parole system,
but 1t has also, unluckily, its fair
share of convicts who can not be
trusted at large, and it is now pro-
posed to have chain gang help in
planting trees for the beautiful forty
twomile highway which is to be con-
structed from Sacramento through
Greenback lane. The trees will be
placed 100 feet apart, and varieties
will alternate, one kind running for
three or four miles along the way.
1t is expected that as an attraction
this handsome loop" highway will be
second only to Del Paso park.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
We All Ike It.

The end-seat hog gets men agog
And causes fights and factions.
Ought he to go? Well. I dunno
The end seat has attractions.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

1t makes a fellow scowl, be sure,
And wrinkle up his face
To have the fairest girl obscure
His view of second place.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

Smallpox is said to Turk in false
hair. Better have your toupee fumi-
gated.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

I.otei men in convention cities are
not partisans. The money of e.thtr
side IL perfectly acceptable.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

Tie sanate HIS decided To vote On
tisc Lorimer case On july q. This
yeas, VIE presume.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

Al perfectly sane Fourth OF July
viii Be approp slate after two ma
t.cnal political conventions.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

Political observers are predicting
the convention vii finally nominate
Bryan and Wilson. This will 81
done, they say. when the crisis Is
reached. Bryan will step in with
Wilson as his running mate and the
convention will be stampaded for
him and the New Jersey governor
The rank and file of the Democratic
party probably would not oppose a
ticket Of this kind, provided thu
positions of the two candidates wee
reversed, so as to place the New .er-
sey candidate at the head with the
commoner as his running mate But
even without this transposiEon CT
eandidatrs6. tn, ticket Would be
IN acceptable thn<Gae lYeaded by
candidate whose effort.<would be
favorable to the interests Of Boss
Eyan. ct al.
II If Gov. Wilson or some other
rogresiye is nominated now the eff
let will be largely lost after tbs
Is watt declared Col Roosevelt
q recent interview. If they had
B plidly together at the begin
X ishind Wilson or some Other
2 might have helpedsthem. But
lain that they are now divid-
n Thanks to the influence OF
q AMY Esga
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

4 lille we are all wondering where
4 lew Independent party is to pay
3campaign expenses, Mr.. Perkins
8 "a q visit to Oyster Bay.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

1t is said that the houn' dawg'
fur is becoming stripped.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
According 10 POPULAR Report,

Al, yes, this Is wondrous EARTH
With all It's wealth Of greenery.
And Morgan knows just what tbs worth; !.
He owns the entire scenery.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

Chicago has just had the hottest
week since her big fire.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
A Mean Hint.

III I really loved a man, would
willingly die for him."
Since you're turning so gray, I
don't wonder you're willing to dye for
anybody"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

After the convention comes the
fireworks.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

"Why wouldn't you back the showl?"
because ! did not want to fade
allure"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
A Doughty Youth.

Il understand your boy Is leading
his class at college,
He is, sir, and they have already
whipped the town police in six bat
ties"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

Hegson--Is Jones putting OIL any
airs since he came into his fortune?
Digson-I should say so. Why, he's
been operated on three times for APP
pendicitis.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

were "a cents. Debauchery of the
electorate!
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Mothers Responsibility First.

Before the state, before her hus-
band. a mother Is responsible for her
.hildren's upbringing, Exchange.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Letters From the People

The Bulletin is pleased to al
low space in this column to
readers who's wish to discuss
matters Of public interest, but
distinctly disclaims responsible.
ity for views expressed in such
discussion.
All communications to this
department must be written
only on one side of the paper.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30

DO candidates election expenses
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-06-30
Honor Where Honor Is Due

Mistress Bridget. do you spoil ev.
cry piece of meat you cook?
Maud-Oh, no, mum. Sometimes 1t
comes bad from the butcher's.--IIar.
perb Bazaar. !
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1912-06-27
AUTOMOBILES
Puncture Points

When a tube is punetured the first
thing to do is TO find out If the pune
ture is in one wall of the tube only OF
II both walls are perforated. Next q
careful examination should be made to
determine that no part Of the article
which caused sthe puncture has lodged
inside the tube.
Then select red para patch. ="
says a recent Micheiln instruction
book, Considerably larger on all sides
than the injury 10 be repaired and
clean the patch carefully on its fiat or
unbevelod side with emery paper. Now
lay the tube on a convenient fiat sur
face. such as the dash or step, and
with emery paper clean a space around
the puncture slightly larger than the
patch TO be used Coat both the
cleaned surfaces with cement and
after this has dried apply a second
coat. In about ten minutes when the
surfaces are still "tacky' press the
patch firmly in place taking care that
the edges do not curl. If the patch is
bevel-edged little difficulty will be ex-
perienced. Now tap the patch lightly
an over its surface with some round
smooth object like the end Of tool
handle. If done carefully this will ex-
ciude every particle of air and the zee
mented surfaces will adhere perfectly.
Put a smooth fat surfaced weight on
the patch and leave the repair thus as
long as practicable.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1912-06-27
Not rh.lr Eault.

An American woman who resided Tor
some years in Mexico had an odd ex-
perience with an earthquake. She was
the mother Of two lively small sons.
One day they had been especially OBJ
streperous and did not grow quieter
as the time for her siesta and theirs
approached. After rouslng her from
her nap two OF three times by their
antics she gave them fair warning
that II there was any further commo-
ton severe punishment would result
Again she dropped OF into sleep. Sud
denly she found herself awake and on
her feet with sounds Of banging stu
IN her ears and the room quiyering as
If from the fall Of a heavy piece OF
furniture. The boys, scared and guilty
looking. were in the doorway. She
seized the nearer, reversed him and
had him half spanked before the ex-
cited protests OF his brother penetrat.
ed TO her brain through his anguished
howls. Then she became aware that
she was spanking him for an earth
quake.-New York Herald.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1912-06-27
AUTOMOBILE OWNERS
CONSIDER ORDINANCES

AT special meeting last night
Of the automobile owners of the valley,
members of the Hood River AutOmo-
bile Association, an ordinance was
drawn up and approved to be submitted
to the city council for action on them,
at the next meeting. A number Of the
automobile owners held a meeting at
the rooms of the Commercial club Mon
day morning, when it was decided to
endeavor to secure some legislation on
the speed Of motor ears in the city such
as would be fair and satisfactory to all
residents of the city and to the owners
themselves.
The ordinance proposed provides for
a maximum speed of l5 miles an hour
and contains the reckless driving
clause, which will bring into the net
of the law any driver driving careless
ly, though he be going at a speed of
less than 10 miles an hour. The auto
mobile owners declare that they are
willing to conform to city regulations
but that 10 miles an hour is deemed far
too small a maximum. Indeed, in
most cities the limit is greater than Is
miles. In Portland it is "a miles out
side the fire Limits. 1t is the aim of
the ordinance to prevent any careless
and reckless driving.
Mayor +. O. Blanchar. who was re-
Gently elected president of the organi-
zation, has rendered his resignation,
stating that because of official duties
aud business he has not time to devote
to,the office. The important sections
of the new ordinance are given below
"Section 3. Every automobile. mo-
tor cycle or motor. ehicle using Fgaso.
line as "A motive power shall use the
muller, and the same shall not be cut
out or disconnected within the limits OF
this city, nor shall any vehicle be oper
ated with an excessive smoking ex
haust upon any street, highway park
way or driveway within the city o
Hood River.
"Secton 6. Vehicles approaching al
intersecting road, street, driveway o.
highway within the city of Hood River
shall be under control so as to proven
the vehicle on the right of the vehicle
approaching to first cross the interect
ing street, road, driveway or highway
At all Intersections the vehicle ap
preaching from the right of any othe
vehicle approaching the intersection
shall have the right of way.
Section z. All vehicles approaching
an intersection of street, driveway
road or highway with the intention o
turning theroat shall, IN turning to TIN
right, keep closely to the right, and il
turning to the left shall run to and be
yond the center of Intersection.
Section 10. Pedestrians shall at al
times use the established street cross
ings for crossing the streets, parkways
driveways or highways within the cit.
limits, and should any pedestrian eros
any street, parkway, highway or drive
way between such crossing he does s
at his own risk.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1912-06-27
Writtsn on Glass.

Miss Harriet Auber's beautiful lines,
"Our Blessed Redeemer, Ere He
Breathed," were written by the au-
thOress on wlndowpane in her house
at Hoddesdon. A dealer in curios tried
to purchase this interesting and pc
culiar manuscript from the owner Of
the house after the death Of Miss
Auber in 1862, but he was unsuccess-
full. The pane of glass was subse-
quently stolen, and It has never since
been found or its fate discovered.
Centuries ago Theodulph, bishop of
Orleans, while In prison at Metz com
posed the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and
Honor" which he wrote on the win
dow of his cell. As the usual Palm
Sunday procession passed through the
town the emperor heard sounds Of
singing proceeding from the prison.
He thereupon liberated the bishop,
whose hymn was afterward regularly
used on each succeeding Palm Sunday
as n professional, the choir taking up
each quatrain and the public Joining
In singing the chorus.