Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-07-11
A VERY UNLucKY WEEK.

A VERY UNLUCKY WEEK.
We suppose there are some people
in this town who think they have had
hard luck. and 1t is very seldom that
we thrust our personal fluctuations up
on our indulgent constituency, but the
present week has reduced us to q state
of min where we feel that we must
speak. Troubles never come singly and
1t never rains but 1t pours. Here are
some of the things that have happened:
Last Sunday evening our seven pas
senger car climbed a tree and scattered
Its internal economy over the landscape
and sent best chauffeur to the hos
pital. While we were taking him there
in u seven passenger car, the latter
blew up and we retained nothing but
the steerage wheel. which we Fortunate
ly had In our hands at the time. We
have that much start OF a new car, of
course. but it is going to be some job
TO build a new car arOund II.
On Monday evening the butler
eloped with the boudoir maid and the
family plate, leaving no address. The
garage burned down. sparks from the
garage set fire to the barn hich was
located in the far corner of our estate
and five of our best polo ponies per-
iShed In the names before we could get
there.
Tuesday evening burglars relieved .s
of nine diamons tiaras. five strings OF
pearls and three quarts OF diamond
rings. There is no clew. Wednesday
the French chef came down with the
mall pox and the house was Quaran-
tined. Thursday three of our fox
hounds contracted rabies and bit four
of our best saddle horses, the latter
dying as a result. This Is only Friday
and q great deal more may happen.
Outside of the foregoing fluctuations,
we are all right. Friends are requested
to hold good thoughts over us and give
us absent treatment.
THE MILITANT SuFFRAGENTS.
+. w. writes: Me for the tall and
uncut timber. so take my name off
the membership roll OF the Militant
S~uffragents. Believing that we are
entitled to equal rights with ome l
e~ndeavored to keep my seat in a
women were standing. Say. on the
level the line of talk that was passed
u would discourage a Drawer suffra-
gent than l am and ! hoped off the
car 10 blocks before 4 got to my
destination. We will never hav
equal rights with women"
G. r. T. writes as follows: Take
my name off h list. My wife is
next. We argued the whole matter
out at the breakfast table and l was
three hours late at the office and lost
my job. l knew that we had a lot of
arguments on our side. but 1 forgot
them. for when my wife gets started
she has got Patrick Henry. Demos
themes. Henry Ward Beecher and Will
liam j. Bryan dashed to the mast and
painting for breath. She can talk
faster. longer n louder than our
whole blamed Suffragent club combin-
ed. i guess we had better not oppose
fha women M frV Tn on1,iapa ,~,,n
rights with them until we make a more
thorough study of oratory and the pos
sibility of the English language"
At a meeting OF the Suffragents
held last evening only II members
responded to roll call. which was a fall
The IL present were all bachelors.
THE CORNER STORE PHILOSo-
PHER.
He is a brave authority whom none is
able to dispute.
He always is the last word on diplo-
macy. finance and fruit.
He cad the paper every day. the pa
per that he does not buy;
You annot catch him and it
is useless. quite, to try.
His able dissertations are the wonder
OF the grocery store.
1t is a wonder how one man can hoard
up such a wealth of lore.
He can tell Taft just o the mighty
ship of state should always run;
Things would be going smoothly ii he
were just down at Washington.
He is a patriot clear through and wait
ing for his country's call:
The problems of the nation are to him
no mystery at all.
He knows just what the powers should
do in every crisis Of tha I.>.
But somehow it is seldom that they
figure out the thing his way.
No n has ever seen him do a single
thing that looked like work.
His post is at the grocery store. a job
he is never known to shirk
He charges nothing for advice, but
peddles it with lavish hand,
And how he gets three meals aday
may seem quite hard to under
stand.
Until the secret of it's known and then
1T seems an easy way.
\ gentleman of leisure he. His wife
she works out by the day.
-
EXERCISE AND WORK.
From "A purely academic standpoint
there is a vast distinction between ex-
ercise and work. and this is just the
season of the year when it becomes APP
parent. 1t is in the spring that the
friends of the tired business man who
has the shattered nerves and unreli-
able digestion begin to tell him that he
should get out and exercise and get
his blood in circulation. About this
time his Wife is cleaning house and
there are plenty of rugs or carpets
hanging out on the lin in the back
yard just aching to be pounded.
1t doesn't occur to the tired business
mar that there is enough exercise in