davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
A Serious Propocition.

rs you de S. p G. Az asked tho
colored man with his arm III sling.
Il am a member Of the society, =
replied the earnest ioCEins young
man.
We'll. wants to report my mule to
you. I has been arrested twice on his
@ccount an I amt gwine to hab no
mo- words wifi i'm"
Has anybody hurt him ~
No, boss. But look at me. has
been kicked, tromped on an cussed
in mule talk. If is got to be kind tc
lat animal, | wants some under.
standin' dat will compel reeiprocity
or, at de very leas', arbitration"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08

Bible Was Put Into Rhyme.

Versiilcations. not only of the
Psalms but Of the other books of the
Bible. were numerous In the sixteenth
century. One of the most prolific
yersifiers was William Hunnis, who
under such fanciful titles as Seven
Sobs Of a Sorrowful Soul for SIM
A Handful OF Honeysuckles," "A
Hiveful Of Honey etc. published 1
number OF rhyming versions of Gene
Sis and Job. which ARE now worth
their weight in gold to the biblio
maniac.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08

" understand that some of these de
tectives are Disgusting themselves us
farm hands and working hard in ord FL
not to be discovered"
Great Scott" exclaimed Farmer
Corntossel; cant somebody discover
crime in the neighborhood and lure
them onto the place.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
An Error In Acquisition.

THAT thermometer of yours is all
wrong" said the observant person. 1T
registers away above the actual tenn
perature."
YES" replies the man who tries
to get more than his moneys worth.
Il picked 1t out because | thought 1t
had more quicksilver in it than any
OF the others
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Profit In Travel.

It is worth while to journey, to
learn how deceptive Is that mirage
which forms itself out OF distance anG
nothingness; how good Is the land
about us, and the life that requires nc
translation to be understood 8
Shaler.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
The Truth at Last.

The Hibernian society has been dis.
cussing the popular stage = Hishman
and the popular idea concerning Irish
bulls. The vote stood that the usual
ideas were erroneous. The chairman
added by way of casual information:
Sure, half the lies tould about the
Irish aren't thrue. Satire.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
In Fat Berth.

Towne--No; Grafton doesn't work
at all now.
Browne-He doesn't? Why, when
knew him he seemed to be young
man with considerable push.
Towne All that's changed now
He's young man with considerable
pull and doesn't have TO work.-Catho
Tic Standard and Times.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
A NOTRE DAME lADY'S APPEAL,

To all knowing sufferers of rheumatism, wheth'
err muscular or of the joints, sciatica umbagos,
backache. pains in the kidneys or neuralgia
pains, to write to her for home treatment
which has repeatedly cured all Of these tortureN,
She feels 1t her duty to send 1t TO all sufferers
FREE. You cure yourself at home as thousand.
will testlfy--no change of climate being neces
sary. This simple discovery baniShes uric acid
from the blood. loosens the stifrened joints, luf
lies the blood. and brightens the eyes, giving
elasticity and tone to the whole system. III the
above interests you. for proof address
Mrs.7M. Summers, BOX n, Notre Dame, Ind
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Common Fault.

"Dashleigh thinks his dancing is the
poetry of notion
1T has one characteristic in com
mon with some alleged poetry"
What is that?"
1T seems to stumble along with
uncertain feet"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
The Woman In tho Case.

''Digby, you are worrying about
some woman" "Bifles, am u
knew it, She is onstantly in your
thoughts" Il cane get her out of my
mind" Il would dream CT asking
you to tell me her name" u have
no objections to letting you ':now her
name. 1t is Mrs. Primer, my land
lady | owe her Ior six months
board"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
N atural Quarry.

The Old Timer-Yes. sir, we had
two ice crops this winter.
The Newcomer to the Country
That speaks pretty welt for this Sec
ton I'm glad we moved out here.
What kind of water did you plant?--
Woman's Home Companion.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Birds Worthy of Gratitude.

It has been estimated that the birds
In the United States save $200000.000
worth Of crops each year. The tree
sparrows In Iowa eat 4.666 pounds OF
weed seed daily. One eull-fiedged robin
will eat 16 feet cf caterpillar daily, or
about 1850 individuals a month.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Evidently In Earnest.

"That young man who is coming to
see daughter" said mother, If Won
der II his intentions are serious?"
Yes, think they are, said father
"He has given me several very good
cigars Of late"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Satisfaction.

well" said the millionaire's son
who has achieved success by his own
efforts, Il have one great satisfaction.
What is that?" asked his admiring
friends.
"At least none of you can say that
you knew me when l didn't have a
nickel"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
She Hated lt--Yes.

81 hate flattery," she said.
"Of course you do he replied.
Every pretty girl does"
Then she drew long, deep sigh and
permitted him to press her cheek
against his own.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Only Natural.

81 cannot sing the old songs she
began, and. lacking both youth and
beauty, it was perhaps only natural
that she should have caused man in
the rear seat to yell.
"You can't sing anything"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Subsequent Growth.

"If you do work, your work viii
grow after you are gone"
That's a fact. Rubens left only
some 1000 pictures, but there are
10000 of his pictures in circulation
now"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
MANS Work and Mamma

Now the mans work for his own
home is, al has been said, to secure it's
maintenance, progress and defense;
the woman's to secure its order. com.
,ort and loneliness.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Eastern "MinInn Promoters"

recently convicted of swindiing WON.
en- by pretending that they had the
supernatural power Of causing money
deposited with them to be doubled IN
value in three days time.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
A Boston Rahv.

Whats the baby crying about?"
"The nurse thoughtlessly told him
that ShaBespeare's plays are supposed
by many to have been written by Ba-
con- Get him his Sanskrit blocks.
They may divert his attention"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Her Dlaunosls.

Betsey, an old colored cook, was
moaning around the kitchen one day,
when her mistress asked her IL she
was ill., NO, ma am, not ''zactly,"
said Betsey. But the fac is. don't
feel ambition 'nough to cit outer my
own way. Exchange.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Daily Thauailt.

II those wat are he enemies Of
Innocent amusemcnts lad the direc-
ton of the world, they would take
away the spring and youth, the form
er from tho wear, the latter from the
numan life.-Baiz@c.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08

Lord Nelson said; Il owe all my
SUCCESS in life to having been a quar-
ter Of an hour before my time" Pune
tuality is the politenos Of kings, the
duty Of gentlemen. the necessity Of
business men, --ozl2c1 SWEET Mar
den.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Her EsDaric,,ce

Mrs. Bacon--'I understand one caa
earn different languages from the
Mrs. Ebert We'll.
5lnce our neighbor get his | know my
husband has used language never
-eard bin use before
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Likes Edus.

Barber-Have shampoo?
Customer-Yes, suppose so,
Barber-What kind will you have?
Customer-What kind have YOU
got?
Barber-Well, the egg shampoo Is
hard to beat.
Customer-All right, gimme one.
Eggs are too high to eat, SO Ill try
one on my head.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Swat Vigorously.
oh! falter not,
1t Is not nice
To have to swat
The same fly twice,
A Blow.

"Since you have decided not to
marry me, please give me my presents
back"
well, of all the nerve! You're the
first man I've ever been engaged to
that showed such a mean spirit"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
A Moneyed Man.

A local jeweler was waiting on a
stock broker when in came farmer.
He Immediately turned the broker
over to the shop boy and took charge
Of the farmer.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Unkind Suggestion.

He-Do you know, I'm SO fond OF
Holsters.
She-Oh, you canniball
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08

Just before the play is ended, :
Where, perhapa, we've been amused,
So that beauty may be mended,
Countless powder puffs are used.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08

What Would Newspapers Dor
II it were not for our mistakes,
life would be pretty monotonous.--
Judge.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Well, Naturally.

A man charged in an English court
with disorderly conduct pleaded that,
seeing a notice on a lamp post, he
climbed up to read it, and the words
Wet paint" slightly annoyed him.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
His ADVANTAGE.

A millionaire can stand being hated
by everybody because nobody will DO
that way to his face.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
East Color. Too.

VOs
Mrs. Money bags-Why do you apply
for the position, when / stated spe-
officially in my advertisement that /
desired colored chauffeur?
White Applicant-+Because, madam,
am quite sure that could fill the
position. / am very green.--Judge.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Jimmy (fishing)--I amt gittin' a

Tommy-Maybe dey amt hungry. /,
Jimn1y-Bnt dat oughtn't to make
go much difference. kin gfnrally eat
whedder I'm hungry or not.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08

She--I think women should rule,
don't you?
Her, well don't think we
should take away any of the rights
they already have, if that's what you
mean.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
aikatIve.

You could tell he had
A jag on
BY the way his tongue
Would wag on.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-12-08
Homc OF Spruce Beer.

A popular beverage on tina ISLANDS
OF st, Pierre and Miquelon, particular
larly among the bank fishermen. IL
spruce beer The neighboring New
foundlanders probably introduced tile
drink among the French. 1t has beer
brewed in Newfoundland from very
early period.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-23
OtsripIr

The special, eysngeHstic services which
have been In progress at the Ninth
Street Christian Church. Ninth and ID
streets northeast. for the past three
weeks. wilt close Sunday yhe evangelist.
Rev. w. S. Buchanan. by his strong ser
mons, has won nearly one hundred per-
sons for the church. On Sunday morn
ing he viii preach a sermon to the new
members, who will occupy the front seats
of the auditorium. In the evening at
the closing service DR.. Buchanan will
speak on Heaven, the home OF the
SOUL Last Sunday the attendance in
the Bible school OF this church was
more than 200. and IL is hoped that 500
will be present tomorrow.
Three big meetings are scheduled for
Sunday. March ., at Vermont Avenue
Christian Church, where Evangelist r.
w. Abberley has been conducting revival
services for two weeks. assisted by Will
lam Leigh, the English cathedral choris-
ter and song leader. A special service
for men and boys has been announced
for 3 o'clock Sunday afternoon at the
church, the talk being on the subject.
Manhood and home DR.. Abberley
will speak at the IL o'clock service on
The ideal church." while the evening
service at 10 o'clock will have for its
topic, Christian union"
The Washington herald., 1912-03-23
Daptiaf

With sermon tomorrow morning on
-Jesus-threefold contrast OF Christianity
with heathenism, and In the evening
on AFTER faith-what7" by the paster.
Rev. r. w. johnson. Grace Baptist
Church. Ninth and ID streets southeast
win begin the third week OF the special
evangelistic services that are being held
there. Monday evening Rev. Theron Out
water. Of the Kendall Baptist Church.
win preach: and on Tuesday evening
Rev. J. J. Muir. Of the Temple Baptist
Church. Rev. B. d. Cav. OF the West
Washington Baptist Church. will preach
wednesday evening; and Rev. Hubert
B,lnyea, OF the Randie Highlands Bapl
tist Church, viii preach Thursday even
ing. Rev. Z. Hez Sven. who conducted
one OF these services on last Thursday
night. VIII lead the concluding meeting
on Friday evening.
Pastor II. S. Pinkham. OF the Imman-
uel Baptist Church. has challenged the
Sunday school Of the Grace Baptist
Church TO friendly membership con-
test. which has been accepted by Pastor
Johnson. A similar contest was held last
year between these two Sunday schools.
and was won by Grace. Since that time
Emmanuel has grown until II now num-
bers 4s5, while Grace has 347. Emmanuel
thug starts with a good lead, but the
struggle win be close as both schools
are determined TO win.
''wIn Washington people see Jesus?'
is the query TO be answered by Rev. L.
Hez Swem. In his sermon tomorrow
evening, at O'Clock, at the Capital
Baptist Church. Typographical Temple.
ie3 G street northwest.
As announced in this column last week.
Pastor Sven win preach tomorrow
morning at the Wesley Chapel Methodist
Episcopal Church, Fifth and F streets
northwest. in the place OF Rev. w. L Nc
Kenney. the pastor Of the church, who
win be absent from the city. Mr.. Swem's
place at the Columbia Baptist Church
win be taken by a well-known Baptist
layman Of the Grace Church, Mr.. Ed
ward s. Taft. Mr.. Taft has spoken
number Of times at the Columbia church
when II was without pastor.
Dr. George H. Crutcher viii preach
again tomorrow morning and evening
at the Fifth Baptist Church. The subject
for the evening sermon Is How long viii
punishment last In hell?" On Monday
evening the officers and teachers Of the
Sunday school will tender a reception TO
DR.. Crutcher and TO Mrs. Crutcher, who
has Just arrived from DR.. Crutcher's
home In the South.
A message has just been received from
Pastor J. Z. Briggs, who. after visiting
the Island Of Malta, has arrived in the
city OF Athens. Pastor Briggs will go
from Athens to Palestine.
THE glory vision is the theme of DR..
Muir's sermon tomorrow morning. and
Gods oblivion Is the subject for the
evening. There will be a baptism at the
evening service, when another soldier
from the same army corps as other re-
cent members baptized at Sunday evening
services at the Temple church will be
baptized and received into membership.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-23
GATHERING RESULTS OF
MEN AND RELIGION
CITY CAMPAIGNS

Last week 500 representative laymen
and clergy of Greater New York sat
down together at dinner to hear the mes
sage OF Men and Religion. Gotham seems
TO have been visibly impressed. Inter
est and real eagerness Is reported TO be
displayed in the coming local campaign
in New York City April 1913. President
John H. Finley is chairman Of the Hbm-
mittee leading the campaign. without
disparaging the old loyalities,A the speech
es are said to have been remarkably free
from buncombe and chan-positive and
fearless-and the response has been ap-
parently beyond expectation Of the
leadeE.
The real occasion for this New York
dinner and demonstration was the Joint
meeting of the nine commissions of the
coming Christian congress In New
York April 1924 To sit in this session
was to see the true greatness OF this
leaders of the nation together next
month. The speakers on the programme
are of secondary Importance TO these
commission reports, which promise to be
a thorough, scientific survey Of the state
Of the continent from a religious stand
point IN North America. What the Edln-
burgh conference did for the foreign
for the home lard.
Washington members of these COM
missions include Hon. willet NJ. Hays.
Rev. DR.. Randolph II. McKim, and VIII
lam X. Cooper. Theodore Y. Noyes was
rendered a place on the publicity COM
mission, but declined. owing 20 heavy
demands on time and strength In his
present engagements. s. W. Woodward
and Charles F. Nesbit are members OF
the committee Of ninety-seven. which has
general management of the continental
campaign.
The reports will all be in the hands of
the delegates for discussion at the con-
gress. That on Christian unity bids fair
to touch the farthest point yet reached
in the worldwide discussion OF this
subject. The rural church report has
commanded the services OF so many au-
thorities that Il will Issue two small
volumes instead of one. The publicity
commissions findings on the relation of
church and press. breaks new ground.
So on through the list, the report on
social service being perhaps the most
eagerly awaited OF ALL The men who
could and would do the job have been
put on these commissions. Whatever
the results OF the Men and Religion cam
paigns have been in the seventy-six
cities visited, this national congress
seems destined to Justify the whole en-
terprise.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-23
Orthnhist

DR.. Montgomery viii deliver the an
nual Sunday school sermon at Metro
pol!tan Memorial Church, corner OF C
street and John Marshall place north
west. Sunday morning at IL o'clock. He
will speak on the subject: Pins and
pyramids" In the evening at O'Clock
he will speak on Cash or credit"
Bishop William T. Anderson, Of the
Methodist Episcopal Church, spoke at the
midweek prayer service Of Hamline
Church on Thursday evening. Bishop An
oerson is presiding over the Washington
Conference of the church. now holding
Its annual session in this city. On Sun
day morning the pastor, Rev. Joseph NJ.
M. Gray, viii preach at the IL o'clock
service. taking for his subject, The d.
vine tragedy" At the evening service at
s o'clock the title of his sermon will be
Sovereignty and service"
The Washington herald., 1912-03-23
Religion and the Press.

The publicity commission Of the Men
and Religion Forward Movement, gath
ering material for its report on the use
Of the printed page in religious propa-
ganda, has sent out over the country
number OF questionaires OF very pun
gent interest II general and representa-
tive replies are received. the deductions
from the material will have singular
meaning.
One of these questionaires has to do
with religious journals, and thoughtfuI
laymen all over the country will be
asked to say with entire frankness
whether they take church papers; IL they
do not, why they neglect them; II tf1ey
do. what improvements In them they
deem desirable. and IN general what their
impression Is concerning the importance
and worth Of periodicals representing or
ganized Christian religion.
Another paper of questions goes to
the editors of city dailies all over the
country. This inquiries whether the news
papers have special stan reporters for
religious news; whether they print church
reading notices free or as paid advertis-
ing; whether they are conscious of any
general demand for religious information;
whether in their editorial columns they
treat religion sympathetically or critic
ally. and whether as general features
OF the paper they care for sermons, Sun
day school lesson comments or reports
Of worldwide religious movements.
A third paper inquiries of ministers
whether they are satisfied with the treat
nent that church matters receive in the
daily press. and stiI a fourth ques-
tionaire makes similar inquiries concern
ing daily papers from laymen.
The commission expects. II it does
nothing else. to demonstrate to the edi-
tors Of the daily press that there is more
appreciation of religious news among
their readers than most OF them sup
pose.
The Washington herald., 1912-03-23
C1athulu

The Right Rev. William 7. Russell. d.
D., who has recovered from his recent
indisposition. win celebrate high mass
at St. Patrfck's Church on Sunday, at
IL o'clock. The fourth sermon of the
Lenton series will be preached at this
time by the Rev. John NJ. Mcnamara,
who will take for his subject "The Cath
Ollie Church. the refuge OF sinners" The
two choirs will assist under the direction
OF Mr.. Mills Silby and Miss Jennie
Glennan.
Lenten devotions will take place on
Sunday night at 7:3o o'clock. Mgr. Rus
sell will preach on Jesus. Peter, and
Judas" On Wednesday night there viii
be services also. Rev. James A Smyth
being In charge. He win preach on
Christ and the two thieves"
The Washington herald., 1912-03-23
TAFT TO ATTEND
UNITARIAN CLUB
BANQUET TONIGHT

DIR. Davidsen, senator Fletcher,
and Dr. samuel Eliot; OF Boston,
10 speak-New Church Project
to He Discussed.
Tonight at the New willard the Uni
tartan Club OF Washington. with invited
guests from the Unitarian League
throughout the United States. will meet
around the banquet table and listen TO
the afterldinner addresses OF leaders of
their faith. headed by the President OF
the United States. One hundred and
nifty acceptances have been received BY
the president Of the club. Prof. A. Wer-
ner Spanhoofd. Among others who are
to be present and who will speak ere Or.
Samuel Eliot, OF Boston: DR.. st. John.
Of Philadelphia: Senator Duncan F1etch-
er, and DR.. William NJ. Davidson. su-
perintendent OF the public schools of
Washington. The occasion promises to
be notable in the annals of the Uni
tartan League of All Souls Church,
Washington. and Of national significance
in that IL win no doubt give added
strength to the movement to establish
in Washington representative Unitarian
church edifice on the new site recently
purchased In Sixteenth street
senator Jonn ~. WORKS, OF CALIFORNIA,
will speak In First Congregational
Church at $50 o'clock Sunday afternoon
on The true American citizen" His ad-
dress Is the third Of the series being
conducted by the Washington Y.
NJ C. A.
The Pastors Federation will hold Its
regular meeting Monday morning at IL
o'clock In the Y. NJ. c. A. Building.
Gen. A. W. Greely viii speak on Pres
ent-day problems"
The Washington herald., 1912-03-23
CONGREGATIONAL.

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH. cor. loh
and sta nv. Rev. Samuel II. Woodrow. d. D..
pastor. II a. m. public worship. with sermoa b
the pastux: snbjecf DREAMING AND DOING %
Music by the quartet and chorus choir. 80 m.
Sunda5 school. ss6 p m. Y. r. s C. ,. n.
evening service; lecture by pastor, THE REF.
ORAIATI0N PERIOD IN MANY LANDS
subject, THE REFORMATION IN FRANCE .
MT. PLEASANT CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH.
Columbia road near 18th 81 Rev. Frank J. Good
win. minister Morning serTice. II O'Clock; sermoa
b. the minister: s1biect. The Madness of 81.
Paul" Evening service. o'clock; sermon By ths
minister: subject. ''Propurtion in Religion Sun
day. shool. sd a m; adult classes. 10 o. m.
Christian Endeaycr meeting $50 2. N
The Washington herald., 1912-03-23
METHODIST EPISCOPAL.

HAMLINE METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH,
Ninth and streets northwest.
REV. JOSEPH NJ NJ GRAY MINISTER.
80 q. m---Sunday school.
Ilao a n.-'THE DIVINE TRAGEDY"
TW d m--EpEorth League praine sersce-
500 p n.-"S0yEREIGNTY AND SERVICE"
An attings free Visitors always welcome
FOUNDRY N. Z CHURCH. 18th and Church sts
Rev. W. r. Wedderspoon. ID. D., pastor. 9eD q n.
Sunday srhooI; IL q. m. The Joy Of Christ and
Hh Foll0Eersf' .. m, EVSorth LeaE1s: y.
m. The New Song" SPECIAL musical service.
choir of @ voices. Visitors Welcome.
METROPOLITAN MEMORIAL CHURCH, corner
of st nw. and John Marshall place Iames
sherz Montgomery. pastor. Morning service At II
O'Clock. with sermon by the pastor; subject. "Pins
and PyramidA" In the evening at O'Clock DR..
Montgomery viii give . serrnor the subjert.
Cash and Credit" A cordial invitatiou to tbs
public to attend all the serxlces Of the church.