davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13

idiotic manner. He was making a
valiant effort to keep from exposing his
rear elevation to her: once he had to
walk backward.
william" she said, sharply, you
will break my plates. What is the
matter with you tonight?"
A little later they were sitting qui-
city in Miss Minerals room. She was
reading THE Christian at Home" and
he was absently looking at a picture
book.
Sam Lambs wife Sukey sho' is a
beautiful patcher," he remarked. feel
ing his way.
She made no answering comment,
and the discouraged little boy was ST.
lent for a few minutes. He had worn
Aunt Cindy's m~any-colored patches too
often to be ashamed Of this one for
himself, but he felt that he would like
to draw his aunt out and find how she
stood on the subject Of patches.
Aunt Minerva" he presently ask
ed, what sorter patches'd you ruther
wear on yo' pants, blue patches or
brown"
ION my WHAT? she asked, looking
at him severely over her paper.
Il mean If you're me-" he hastily ex-
planned. Don't you think blue patches
is the mos uat'ral lookin'T
"What ara you driving at, William
she asked; but without waiting for bis
answer she went on with her read
ing Z
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13

laughter SO merry and so loud that
Billy. turning quickly, almost fell out
Of the chair.
What you dom, a~-listening to me
talk to Marie Yarbrough th'oo the tel
ephone?" he questioned angrily.
Marie you pigs foot" was the in
elegant response. THAT was just me
a-talking to you all the time. You all
time think you talking to little girls
and all times t amt nobody but me-"
A light dawned on the innocent one.
He promptly hung up the receiver and
got down out Of the chair. Before jim
my was fully aware of his intention,
Billy had thrown him to the floor and
was giving him a good pommeling.
Say you got 'nough?" he growled
from his position astride Of the 9TH
er boy.
Il got 'nough, Billy" repeated
Jimmy.
Say you sorry you done it."
Il say I sorry I done it." abjectly
repeated the younger child. Get up.
Billy, fore you bust my stommick
OPEN"
"Say you amt never a-goin' to tell
nobody, cross yo' heart" was the next
command.
Il say / amt never going to tell no
body, cross my heart. Get up, Billy,
fore you makes me mad, and amt
no telling what, I'll do to you IL l
get mad"
Say you's a low-down Jezebel
skunk"
II amt going to say I'm nothing Of
the kind" s~piritedly replied the under
dog. you all time wanting somebody
to call theirselfs. somepin. You're q
low-down Isabella skunk yourself"
you got to say it." insisted the
victor, renewing hostilities.
I'll say I'm a Isabella, cause lisa.
bella discovered America, and's in
the Bible" replied the tormented
one; miss Cecilia 'splalned 1t to
me-"
Billy accepted his compromise and
Jimmy's flattened stomach, relieved
of its burden, pulled out to its usual
roundness as that little boy rose to his
feet, saying:
Sam Lamb would a. died a-laugh'
ing, Billy, If he'd seen YOU telephon'
ing"
He'd better never hear tell Of It,"
was the threatening rejoinder.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13

he say he's a plumber. He's q very
~'greeable man. but / don't want Aunt
Minerva to marry him, now. / was
plump tickled at him an | tuck him
to the bath an fust thing ]
knowed he grabbed hotter me an
shuck me like what you see a cat
do a mouse, an he say
"And he'd more'n a million whis-
kers," interrupted Jimmy, who
thought Billy was receiving too much
attention, and he"
Zone at a time" said the doctor.
Proceed, William"
"An' he say he'll bust my brains out
err my head II / holler, an l amt a.
goin' to boiler neither, an he tie me
to a chair an tie my mouth up an
lock the do
And l coined over" said Jimmy,
eagerly, "and l run home and | see
Mr.. Algernon Jones is a robber an
'phoned to Miss Minerva's beau, and II
he'd brunged what | telled him, he
wouldn't never got cracked in the face
like MI. Algernon Jones done crack
him, and Billy got to all time let rob
bers in the house so they can knock
mans and little boys down"
while you stand talking here the
scoundrel will get away" said the in
iured man.
~That's so,' agreed DR.. Sanford,
go I'll go and find the sheriff"
Sarah James huge form doomed up
in the back hall doorway. and she
grabbed Jimmy by the arm.
"Yaas." she cried, you gHine take
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13

you a nap is yuh, yuh 'ceitfui caterpil
Tar. Come on home dis minute"
"Lemme 20, Sarah Jane" protest
ed the little boy trying to jerk away
from her, Il got to stay here and
pertec' Billy and Miss Minerva's beau.
cause they's a robber might coma
back and tie EN- up and make 'em
bleed II I amt here"
did Mr.. Algernon Jones make all
that blood?" asked the ewestricken
little boy gazing In admiration at the
victim Of M. Jones' energy. "You sho'
is a hero to stan up an let him knock
you down like he DONE"
Eyes," cried Jimmy. as the black
woman dragged him kicking and strug-
Cling through the hall, ives all he
roes, but / bet I'm the heroest hero
they is, and / bet Miss Minerals go
ing to be mad bout you all splitting all
that blood on her nice clean floor"
"Lemme see yo' big toe what was
shot OF by all them Yankees and In
juns what you killed in the war" said
BILLY to Miss Minerva's beau.
The major smiled at the little boy;
a man-to-man smile, full Of good com.
radeship, humor and understanding.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13
sByFRANcES BOYD CALHOUN
Copyright, By Reilly & Britton Co..

spoons from the sideboard TO his pock-
cts when a noise at the dining room
door caused him to look in that d.
rection. With an oath he sprang for
ward, and landed his fist upon the
nose Of a plump gentleman standing
there, bringing a stream Of blood and
sending him sprawling to the floor.
Mr.. Jones overturned a big-eyed little
boy who was In his way, and walk
ing rapidly in the direction Of the rail-
road, the erstwhile plumber was seen
no more.
Jimmy quickly recovered himself
and sprang to his feet. Seeing the
blood streaming down the white shirt
front Of Miss Minerva's unconscious
beau, he gathered his wits together
and took the thread Of events again
into his own little hands. He flung
himself over the fence careless Of
Sarah Jane this time, mounted a chair
and once more rang the telephone.
Hello! Is that you, Miss Central?
This is me some more. Gimme DR..
Sanford's office please"
"Hellol Is that you, doctor? This
is me. Mr.. Algernon Jones' done kilt
Miss Minerva's beau. He's on her
back porch bloody all over. He's bout
the deadest man they is. You'd better
come toreckly you can and bring the
hearse, and a coffin and a clean shirt
and a tombstone. He's wounded me
but l amt dead yet. Goodby."
DR.. Sanford received Jimmy's crazy
message In establishment. He, too,
rang the telephone again and again.
but could hear nothing more, so he
walked down to Miss Minerals house
and rang the door bell. Jimmy open
ed the door and led the way to the
back porch, where the injured man,
who had Just recovered consciousness,
was sitting Imply in a chair.
what does all this mean? Are you
hurt?" asked the doctor as he exam
ined Mr.. Jones' victim.
"No, / think I'm all right now" was
the reply; but that scoundrel certain
ly gave me a severe blow"
Billy, shut up in the bath room and
listening to all the noises and confu-
soin, had been scared nearly out Of his
senses. He had kept still as a louise
till now, when thinking he heard
friendly voices he yelled out: open
the do an unite me-"
1--WE done forgot Billy" said the
little r~escuer, as he ran to the bath
room door and opened 1t. He was
followed by the doctor. who cut the
cords that bound the prisoner.
Nov, William" commanded DR..
Sanford, as they grouped themselves
around the stout, plump gentleman in
the chair, begin at the beginning,
and let US get at the bottom of this"
"Mr. Algernon Jones he come to the
gate" explained the little boy, IAN he
say he goin' to fix the water pipe an
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13

'whof-that little old Jimmy Car
ner? I hope I don't talk Ike that
chicken: he's bout the measliest boy
that is and I like you mother sight
better'n him. You're a plumb Jim
dandy, Billy" came from the door
way.
SOS you" howled back the delight
ed and fiattered Billy.
Jimmy thought he would pop
wide open in his efforts to keep from
laughing.
How'd you like to be my sweet
hearth" he asked.
"I's already promised 20 marry
Miss Cecilia when l puts on long
pants, but If we eve gets a 'vorce I'd
mother sight ruther have you n
anybody. You can be my lady frien',
anyhow" was the loud reply.
I'm coming for you to go riding in
my little pony and cart" said a gig.
Cling Jimmy.
"All right, rs going to ask Aunt MI,
nerva to femme go. Can't we take
Jimmy, tool"
This was too much for the little
boy. He had held himself in as long
as possible. He burst into a peal Of
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13
CHAPTER XIV.
Billy. the creduIous.

After the advent and disappearance
of the exciting Mr.. Jones, Miss Mi
nerva, much to Billy's Joy, had a tele-
phone put in the house. He sat In the
hall the day 1t Was put in waiting for
1t to ring.
Jimmy. coming up on the front
porch and through the half-open door
and seeing him sitting there, rang
the door bell just for a joke,
ready to burst into a laugh when
the other little boy turned around and
saw who it was. Billy, however, in
his eagerness mistook the ring for the
telephone bell and joyfully climbed up
on the chair. which he had stationed
in readiness. He took down the re-
ceiver as he had seen Jimmy do In his
home, and, without once seeing that
little boy standing a few feet from
him, he yelled at the top Of his
lungs:
Hello! Who Is that?"
This is Marie Yarbrough," replied
Jimmy from the doorway, instantly
recognizing Billy's mistake.
Marie 'Yarbrough was a little girl
much admired by the two boys, as she
had a pony and a cart Of her very own.
However, she lived in a different part
Of the town and attended another Sun
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13

he's a-goin' to come to see you ev'y
day then l amt comm no mo.
He's been a-carryin' on his ~fooishness
bout s long as l a stand 1t. You
got to choose tween us right this min
ute; he m down here mos ev'y
day, he's tuck you drivin' more'n fifty
hunderd times, an he'a give you all
the candy you can stun"
HE Is not the only one who comes
to see me- she said smiling down at
him. Jimmy comes often and Len
Hammer and Will Reid. Don't you want
them to Gomez"
Don't nobody pay no ~'tention to
Jimmy" he replied contemptuously;
"he amt nothin' but a baby, an them
| other mems can come If you wants EN-
to; but" said Billy, with a lovers I'M
erring intuition, II amt a-goin' to
stand for that iang-legsed, s~orreltop
Maurice Richmond %a-trottin' his great
big carkiss down here ev'y minute. l
wish Aunt Minerva'd let me put on
long pants tomorrer SOS we could git
married." He caught sight of a new
ring sparkling on her finger.
who give you that ringY' he ask.
ed sharply.
"a little bird brought It to ne" she
said, trying to speak gayly and blush.
ing agaia.
"a big ~reo-headed peckerwood." said
Billy savagely.
FRO Bn coNTINuEDl
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13

childish voice and was willing to hui
NOR him, so as she too knew Miss
Minerya's beau the connection was
quickly made.
Hello! Is that you, major? This
Is me. If you don't want MI Alger-
non Jones to be robbering everything
Miss Minerva's got you getter get a
move on and come right this minute.
You got to hustle and bring bout a
million pistols and guns and swords
and tomahawks and all the mans you
can find and dogs. He's the iercest
robber ever was, and he's already
done tie Billy to the bath room, chair
and done eat up bout a million cold
biscuits, / spec. All Of us Is bout
TO be slowed. Goodby.'
The plump, round gentleman at the
other end of the wire heard this amaz-
ing message In the utmost confusion
and CONSERVATION. He frantically rang
the telephone again and again but
could get no answer from the Gar
ner's home so he put on his hat and
walked the short distance to Miss MI
nerva's house.
Jimmy was waiting to receive him
at the front gate, having again eluded
Sarah James vigilance.
sHush!" he whispered mysterious
", hes in the dining room Amt
you bringed nobody else? Get your
pistol and come on"
Mr.. A1gernon Jones, feeling safe
and secure for the next hour and hav'
mig partaken Of a light lunch, was In
the act Of transferring some silver
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13
CHAPTER XVI.
The Humble Petition.

Billy, sitting in an old buggy in
front Of the livery stable, had Just
engaged in a long and interesting
conversation with Sam Lamb. He was
getting out of the vehicle when the
@arp wire around the broken rod
Mught In the back Of his trousers and
tore a great hole. He felt a tingling
pain and looked over his shoulder to
investigate. Not being satisfied with
the result, he turned his back to the
negro and anxiously inquired: SIS my
breet hes tore, Sam?"
Deg am dat" was the reply, "dey
am busted I'm Dan ter B~eersheba."
What | goin' to do bout IT." ask
ed the little boy. aunt Minerva sho'
will be mad. These here's bran-spankin'
new trousers what / amt never wore
tell today. Amt you got a needle an
thread SOS you q fix 'em, Sam?"
Mary er needle" said Sam Lamb.
rs my union suit tore, too?r asked
Billy again turning his back for In
spection.
His friend made q close examina-
ton
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13
Oddities Of Justice.

That the whole theory Of penal
codes is practically unsound and op-
posed to the modern conceptions Of
the relation of the state to crime, is
the contention of Eugene Smith of the
New York bar, writing In the May
number Of Case and Comment, the
lawyers magazine. Illustrating the
absurdity and disparity between PEN
atty for crimes in different states,
Mr.. Smith says: THE average SEN
tence for perjury In Florida is ten
years, In Maine one year; for larceny,
in Delaware ten years, in the District
of Columbia ten months; the penalty
for arson in Pennsylvania is twice
that of burglary. but in Connecticut
the guilt OF burglary is twice that Of
arson; the guilt Of counterfeiting in
Ohio Is twice that of perjury, but In
Rhode Island the guilt Of perjury is
twice that of couRterfeiting.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13

Billy's little heart went out to him
at once.
II can't take off my shoes at present"
said the veteran. We'll, l must be go
ing; l feel all right now"
Billy looked at him with big, SOL
emn eyes.
"You couldn't never go 'thout yo'
pants, could your" he asked, "'cause
Aunt Minerva jest nachelly despises
pants"
The man eyed him quizzically.
well, no; I don't think l could"
he replied: 81 don't think I'd look any
better in a Mother Hubbard or a XII
mono"
The little boy sighed.
(which you think is the 1ttenest
name" asked he, Billy or William?"
%"Billy, Billy" enthusiastically came
the reply.
II like MEMS" said William Green
Hill. Il sho' visit you could come
and live right here with me and Aunt
Minerva"
'I wish SO, too" said the major.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13

The child was silent for q long time
his little mind buzy. then he began;
Aunt Minerva
She peered at him over her glasses
a second. then dropped her eyes to the
paper where an interesting article on
Foreign Missions held her attention,
Aunt Minerva, / snagged-Aunt
Minerva, I snagged my-my skin to-
day"
Let me see the place." she said, abb
sently. her eyes glued to a paragraph
describing a cannibal feast.
Il s a-settin' on it right now" he re
piled.
Another long silence ensued. Billy
resolved to settle the matter.
us gettin' sleepy" he yawned.
Aunt Minerva, | want to say my pray.
ers and go to bed"
She laid her paper down and he
dropped to his knees by her side. He
usually sprawled all over her lap dur
ing his lengthy devotions, but tonight
he clasped his little hands and rear
ed back like a rabbit on its launches,
After he had rapidly repeated the
Lords Prayer, which he had recent
ly learned, and had invoked blessings
on all his new friends and ~never-to-be-
forgotten old ones. he concluded with:
AN, o Lord, you done KEEP me
| fom meddlin' with Aunt Minerals
hose any mo, an you done KEEP me
f'om gittin' any mo- Easter eggs, an
playin' any mo Injun, an you done
KEEP me FIN lettin' Mr.. Algernon Jones
come agin, an now, o Lord, please
don't femme worry the very 'zistence
outer Aunt Minerva any mo- n you
can help, like she said l done this
mornin', an please, if thy will be done,
don't femme tear the next new
breeches what she'll gimme like done
ruint these here what got on"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13
Not Reliably Informed.

The gentleman who wore evening
clothes and the remnants of a jag at
8 o'clock in the morning was clinging
to the. footboard of a crowded surface
car in Chicago. AS the car rounded a
sharp curve with a jerk the person in
incongruous apparel fell quickly and
heavily to the c~obblestones. He was
picked up by the strong hands of the
conductor and about twenty pas
sengers.
Collision" he asked in a dignified
tone Of voice.
NO." said the conductor.
"Of the track?" further questioned
the victim of the accident,
mo-" said the conductor.
We'll" concluded he Of the jag. "If
I had known that l wouldn't have got
of."-Popular Magazine.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13
CHAPTER xlv.-con.Inued.

Jimmy seeing no hope Of eluding
Sarah James vigilance. resorted to
strategy and deceit.
"'Tain't no fun setting out here" he
called to her, so I'm going in the
house and take a nap"
She willingly consented, as she was
through with her ironing and thought
to snatch a few winks Of sleep her
self.
The little boy slipped quietly through
the house, noiselessly across the back
yard and into his fathers big gar
den, which was separated from that
of his neighbor by a high board fence.
He quickly climbed the fence, few
across Miss Minerva's tomato patch
and tiptoed up her back steps to the
back porch, his little bare feet giving
no sign of his presence. Hearing Gu
rious noises coming from the bath
room, where Billy was humping the
chair up and down in his efforts to re-
lease his mouth, he made for that
spot, promptly unlocked the door and
walked in. Billy by scufning and tug
cling had freed his mouth from the
towel that bound it at that mo
ment.
"Hush!" he whispered as Jimmy
opened the door, you'll get eat up
alive If you don't look out" His tone
was SO mysterious and thrilling and
he looked so scared tied to the chair
that the younger boys blood almost
froze in his veins.
What you doing all tied up so?"
he asked, in low, frightened tones.
"Mr. Algernon Jones done 1t. I
spec he's a robber an Is jes' a-rob-
BERN right now" answered Billy.
9Th unite you" said his chum.
Nav; you better not" said Billy
brayely. "He might git away. You
leave me jes' like he fixed me SOS
you can try to ketch him. l hear him
In the dinin' room now. You leave
me right here an step over to yo'
house an phone to some men to
come and git him quick. Shet the do
ag'in an don't make no noise. Fly,
now!"
And Jimmy did fly. He again took
the garden route and in a minute was
at the telephone with the receiver to
his a
Hello! Is that you, Miss Central?
This is me-" he howled into the trans
mitter. Gimme Miss Minerva's beau.
1 don't know his number, but he's got
a Office over my papa's bank"
His father being out Of town, the
little boy shrewdly decided that Miss
Minerals beau vas the next best man
TO help capture the robber.
Miss Minerva what lives by me-"
he shrieked.
Fortunately Central recognized his
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13
Slow Travel,

Down in Oklahoma they have a rail-
road called the Midland Valley, which
is noted for its slow trains. 1t is told
that a young man of Tulsa asked the
hanC of a daughter from her parents
and was refused on the ground tnat
the daughter was too young.
MY daughter is going to Pawhuska
tomorrow for a visit" said the father,
who is a travelling man, land If she
doesn't remain more than a day or two
she will be old enough when she gets
back"
But she may be an old mSid by
that time" protested the young man.
Kansas City Star.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13

go unions Is injured plum scan
erlous.s was his d~iscourasing decision.
land hit pears ter me dat 20 hide
done suffer. too; you's got er turrible
scratch"
The child sighed. The injury to the
flesh was Of small importance-he
could hide that from his aunt-but the
rent In his trousers was a serious
matter.
81 wish I could get EN- mended fore
I goes home" he said wistfully.
81 tell you what do" suggested
Sam, 81 low Miss Ceeilia'll holp yeh;
Jest go by her house an she'll darn
EN- up fer yeh."
Billy h~esitated.
We'll, you see, Sam, me an Miss
Cecilia's engaged an we's fxin' to
marry jes' IS soon's | put on long
pants, an / shame to ask her. An
I don't believe young 'omans patches
the breeches Of young mans what
they's goin' to marry nohow. Do you?
Aunt Minerva ain never patched 10
breeches for the major. And then"
with a modest blush, my unions is
tore, too, an l amt got on nothln' else
to hide my skin"
Again he turned his back to his
friend and, his clouded little face look
ing over his shoulder. he asked: DO
my meat show, Sam?"
"She am visible ter the naked eye"
and Sam Lamb laughed loudly at his
Town wit.
II don't believe God pays me much
attention nohow," said the little boy
dolefulIy; levy day l gets put to bed
cause sumpin's all time a-happenin'.
If he'd had a eye on me like he ought
er they wouldn't a been nc snaggin'.
Aunt Minerva's goin' to be mad th'oo
an th'oo."
May be my oil oman can fix EN-,
SOS dey won't be so turrible bad"
suggested the negro, faint fer, SO
you jes' run down ter my cabin an tell
Sukey l say fix dem breeches."
The child needed no second bidding
he fairly flew. Sans wife was cook
ing, but she cheerfully stopped her
work to help the little boy. She sew
ed up the union suit and put a bright
blue patch on his brown linen
breaches.
Billy felt a little more cheerful,
though he still dreaded confessing to
his aunt, and he loitered along the
way till it was nearly dark. Supper
was ready when he got home and he
walked into the dining room with his
customary ease and grace. But he took
his seat uneasily, and he was so quiet
during the meal and ate so little that
his aunt asked him If he was sick
He was planning in his mind how te
break the news Of the days disaster
to her.
"You are improving, William" she
remarked presently, you haven't go
into any mischief today. You have
been a mighty good little boy now fol
two days"
Billy flushed at the compliment anC
shifted uneasily in his seat. Tha
patch seemed to burn him.
eff Gold Jest do his part" he salt
darkly, 81 wouldn't never git in nj
meanness."
After supper Miss Minerva washes
the dishes in the kitchen sink ant
Billy carried them back to the dining
room. His aunt caught him severa
times prancing sideways in the mos
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1912-06-13
AND THIS FROM TIE STAGE

cessful comedian and just past his
eighteenth year.
Eyes, I'd like to do what George
Cohan has DONE he said. They're
going to give me all the songs TO
write for my show next season and I'll
have a lot OF winners. | sent some
waltzes to a publisher last month and
he says they're corking good. That
makes d fellow feel fine. But where
a young lad like myself makes : ter.