Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-03-10
BY HELEN M. WINSLOW


the person who happens to be blessed with
a sense of humor: A joke is funny because
man is an intellectual entity; because his
mind is a microcosm; because this micro
COsm is guarded by a central intelligence
which sets this miniature world in order and
guards it from chaos; because the central
intelligence is supplied with an extra guard
against close and sudden attacks upon the
citadel of credencc, an extra faculty for dis
eliminating sudden imposture at close range.
A joke is funny because it has assalled the
citadel of credence without success.
Too bad Mark Twain did not know that!
RUT as to women. Are they witty? No
one who has known Julia Ward Howe or
Kate Sanborn can wholly deny it. The de
gable, gobble, GET so often attributed to
Holmes, was made by well known society
woman of Philadelphia, and that remark
that "A sense of being we'll dressed gives to
woman a tranquility which even religion
cannot bestow,' was originated by Helen
Choate Prince, a niece of Rufus Choate.
MAMA said little Flossie one day,
"when l grow up, if l get married, will
have husband like Papa?'-"Yes," an
swered the mother. And if | don't get
married, will | have to be an old maid like
Aunt Kate" again said the mother.
Flossie sat lost in thought. "Mama,' she
said at last, "this is a tough world for us
women, amt it,"
\ speaker at suffrage meeting was "up
against it on one occasion, when he burst
out, Did anyone ever see an ideal woman!"
Nobody answered. "Did anyone ever
know anybody else who knew an ideal wo-
man. Then weary little woman rose in
no hor1y IF tho ~ LnnUr a Whn
has seen an ideal woman, she said meekly.
"And who was the woman?" asked the
speaker "My husbands first wife"
There was another woman who sat by
while her husband ran TRADE against their
daughter beau. "Constantia, he said adj
dressing the daughter, Il have never in all
my life seen such soft, green, spoony
young fool as that Paddington who comes
here to see YOU 81 have, said the mother
quietly but with emphasis.
Then there was the farmers wife whom he
addressed one night, after reading an article
on French history, saying, "Do you know
what I'd have done if l had been Napoleon?"
Eyes, do, she answered. you'd have
settled down in Corsica and spent your life
grumbling about bad luck and hard times
An old hen was languidly pecking at
some tacks in the shed floor. "Now, what
do you suppose that old hen is eating
tacks for?" asked Tom. "Perhaps she is
going to lay a carpet responded his wife.
That recalls one of Kate Sanborn's sto-
ries. MAMA asked a little girl, "does a
hen set or sit?"-"I don't know, and don't
care replied her mother. what | do
want to know is, when hen cackles is she
laying or lying?"
Speaking of hens, here is one. An old
man up in Vermont persisted in bringing in
the nest egg every time he garnered the
fruit of the hennery. The results were some
times disastrous, and his wife one day took
him to task. pa" she began, 3why is it
you are always bringing in the nest egg?
Cant you tell it from the rest? If you cant,
you'd better learn. mo, Sarah" he said,
Il can't. l guess I'll have to take pencil
out and write on the egg, This is the nest
egg" The old lady looked at him with
disgust. "Now, Pa" she retorted, 1dont
you think you are leetle mite too old to be
actin as private secretary to an old hen!"
IN every we'll regulated family there are
more witty things said than ever reach
print Well do l remember day when l
was one of a large family of noisy children,
and we were more obstreperous than usual.
My father ordered silence several times; but
it didn't last. Finally he broke out in
wrath, Am l talking to a pack of young
donkeys?"-"I don't know, Father" an
swered nv mother quietly "They are