Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-02-01
PERSONAL.

.i'uidhce examination. You ought to
know better than to ask us. We can't
stay in bed while you arc being KAN
ined.
III. G.--rhe only way that we know
OF to avoid spending all OF your money
Tor coal III TO live in n steam heated
man and spend il all for rent.
Myrtiili--We are not running a mat
r%i'nonial bureau. but II your intentions
are serious, We know of II party who
rs so lonesome that he writes poetry
dedicated to lady trapcze performers.
indignant-We cannot roast your
for he doubtless takes the pa
per the same as you do. but if he walks
around at night with "a wooden leg that
squeal;s and keeps YOU awake. the only
way you can retaliatc is to buy u
hou:.z and teach him tn sit under your
neisHbor;s window every night and
heel. This viii make 1T unpleasant for
Goth OF you.
Margarct-If youl. last biscuits were
too short, the only thing we can think
OF for you to do is to make them long
er.
Or. M.-We quite agree with you
upon the efficacy of the milk diet. We
know whereof we speak. We lived
exclusively upon milk for almost an
entire Year OK our life-the first year.
M~yrtiila-Yonr correspondence is
growing to be absolutely tiresome. For
the eighth or ninth time we will tell
YOU. this time publicly. that the gem
tleman YOU refer to is happily mar
ried.
F. T. S.-Ir you wish to lose your
identity and disappear for u few
months 10 escape business cares. get
Yourself elected to the legislature.
ANSWERS TO CORRESPOND
ENTS.
Discouraged Rcader-Wc think that
Vnl an1Ilv TIM n, III, N~ ,,... ~.>., A.
pv. What il you are getting only $50
a week? You can have fresh meat
once a week and can take in 81 excur-
sion once in awhile. Don't give up so
easily. We have heard of people who
arc getting along on a smaller salary
Suitor-You say her father frowns
upon your suit. Well. then, when you
call keep your overcoat m.
Gardener-You ask us what, in our
opinion. are best paying plants and we
reply Immediately that we think the
e'ec'rlc 'eht ana gas plants are.
TO GET TT OVER.
"Maude,' asked the suitor anxiously,
May I call upon you Monday eve
ning?"
Impossible she replied quickly. ST
u go to a bridge party that night
How about Tuesday evening""
WSi' WCOueSuity evening Ilen."
Il have got to take mother to the
theater that evening""
Thursday night, then. surely?'
II shall be out of town that eve
ming"
Well, then, shall I call it Friday
night?
Let me see. Oh, no, not Friday
evening. I take my singing lessons Fri
day evening""
Saturday evening then. Maude?"
"Um-um-um," she faltered. "Um-um
oh, gee whiz, come Monday evening"
-
HERE'S A REAL HOT ONE
FROM THE MAIL.
Dear Sir: 1 have read most OF the
ritings you have rote, and I must say
I am disgusted fer bekaws YOU don't
rost more different kinds of people be-
sides coon parler a poarters and tin
hOrnde politicians. There is q lot of
individuals which o should smite
with the ireny Of plate as we'll as them
mentioned. Why doan't you say some
ching sassy about the band conductor
that wears a lot of NEEDLES and why
don't he wear 'em on his back so the
d%ujience kin Sc 'em all the time instid
OF on his chist where nobody kin see
'em but the band exceptin' when he
terms around to bough. Also rost some
of them hres that come around selling
mop ringers that don't work wuth a
darn. There is a man in this town that
sleeps in the graveyard every mite ruth
er than go home. Hand him q blast
sumtime. Yours respectfully.
THE Upper.
He travelled round the country and he
tipped where'er he went,
And he was nearly always broke or
else was badly bent.
He tipped the chair car porter and the
boy who logged his grip:
In fact there wasn't any one whom
this man didn't tip.
He tipped the old hack driver who tool
him to the hotel,
He tipped the hotel porter, and each
time he pushed the bell.
He tipped the bellhop handsomely be-
cause he knew he must.
He knew that he was up against the
tip receivers trust.
He tipped the cafe waiter and he
tipped the bus boy, too:
The leader OF the orchestra and all his
merry crew.
He tipped the car conductors and he
tipped the corner cop:
He'd got the tipping habit SO he really
couldn't stop.
He tipped the auto scorcher who ran
over him n day.
They tool him In q basket to the hos.
pital straightway.
Before the operation he produced his
friendly purse.
He thought he simply had to tin. the
doctor and the nurse.
When he had reached the other shore
his terror. 1t was great.
He 2 no coin with which to tip 81.
Peter At the gate.
THE TEcaT.