Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1912-12-11
WAKING UP A
TOWN
By M QUAD
Copyright. 1872. by Associated lit
erary Press.

1 ASASS @1DO~SsoSOS -
| II erary Press.
do you know, SIR" said Deacon
Singer to Abraham Scott In front Of
the postod1ce one eyening-"do you
know that this town Of Beverly Il
slow, the sl0west in the slater
"Yes; business seems to drop OF q
little every year." was the reply.
"And why are we dead and dying
here?' asked the deacon - he step
ped up on the platform beside bar
rel Of kerosene, for It was postomco
and grocery combined
He waited till his audience had shut
and pocketed their jackknives and
then answered his own question.
Because nothing ever happens here.
Does any one die? Do We have any
funerals7 Does any one ever get mar
ried? Does any one steal7 Has any
one present even seen Z dog light IN
the last two years."
mo. nor ..-" /..s
"Something ought to b done. dea.
con-" suggested voice.
l l. =
Ill know it?'
might call public meeting and
resolve" was a second suggestion.
"Resolve what-that we are going to
the dogs?'
"Our forefathers did that, and then
We licked the British
But where's your British to HEX
now? I've been thinking this thing
over for two years, and hain't 1t On
a remedy yet. I've got whole barrel
Of molasses in the cellar, and I'll give
it to the critter who can wake this
town up"
The critter to do it was right ut
hand. The deacon meant q human BE-
ing, but the critter was an old spotted
bull coming down the highway. The
crowd at the postofice was scratching
its head and almost tasting that mo-
lasses when the bull turned q corner
and saw his golden opportunity. He
charged with snort and 4 below,
and after smashing three gates that
were swinging open he was 1T the
postoff1ce. he knocked the crowd right
and left He cleared the platform Of
barrels and boxes. He ran his horns
through windows.
The bull came and saw and did
things and went his way. It was 4
fine beginning to wake up town.
None Of the three doctors in it had even
had a case of measles in six months.
Now they had thirteen bull horned and
bull kicked victims to practice on. In
stead Of every light being out by 9
o'clock they were burning In almost
every house at midnight.
Next morning the town was early
astir to repair damages and exchange
opinions, and no one was looking for
anything more to happen when the old
bull came charging again. Instead of
being miles away he had slept just out!
side the town to be ready for an early
call. That below was like the fall Of
brick house. There were three farm
ers' teams on the street. early as it
was. To play ball with them was fun
for the bull. He put his horns under
old Mrs. Baxter as she was crossing
the street to borrow an egg and tossed
her over a fence to come down head
first in a tomato patch. He kicked
Elder Southfeld in the solar plexus and
knocked him the length Of q black
smith shop.
There was no loafng on the part Of
that bull. He was at work every min
ute Of the time, and when he finally
quit it was because there was nothing
more in his line to be done. On this
occasion our staff correspondent SIM
ply telegraphed:
II have seen the dead and dying, and
I have gazed on the wide wrought de-
struction, and am simply overcome"
At shutdown scouts that had been
sent out reported that nothing had
been seen Of the bull, and It Was BE-
deved that he had retired to some
place where the rates were not too
high to commit suicide. There was
great felicitation and an attempt to do
business. but the old bull had fooled
'em. With the same old below, same
horns, same tail, he came charging In
for the third time. he was willing to
> work overtime without extra pay.
They had axes and clubs and crowbarB
and guns ready for him this time, but
they knew him not. , -
Abner Go0dhue and his wife Wero
going to prayer meeting. Over fence
they went instead. Aaron Lttledeld
and his mother-in-law were going to
sit up with one of the injured on tho
first charge. Aaron saved himself BY
climbing locust tree, but the woman
was kicked in the head and never
spoke again, though she lived on Tor
twenty years. -
There were score more cases IKE
the above, but our stan corresponds Mt
didn't particularize. He couldn't His
emotions were too, great. He had to
simply say:
my grandfather was at Gettysburg.
but he saw nothing like this. simply
stand appalled, and ask myself who 4
who" -.
If you should enter that town today
you would find $4,000 population In
place Of 1000. You would find 4 brick
postodlce with lot Of old men sitting
around, and one Of them would be Ike.
" to ask:
Deacon Singer, wasn't there 4 tins
IN the history Of Beverly when nh