Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1912-09-13
The Argus Daily Story
A Theoretic Meddler-By F. A. Mitchell
Copyrighted 1913. by Associated Literary Bureau


If ever get out OF here alive" said
the Gagged man to himself, I'll stick 10
my studies and let others work out my
conclusions in practice. I've had enough
OF this. This fellow is mad rs a March
hare"
Come herer' Numbered the chef.
land see what kind OF meat this devil
Swinbourne feeds us on"
Van Wrinkle obeyed. and the man,
opening the door of one of the ovens,
pulled out n pan containing a large d.
roast of sizzling beef
Smell it," cried the chef.
Van Wrinkle, not daring TO disobey.
bent over the roast.
Closer"
Van Wrinkle bent lower. The maniac
put his hand on the others head and
rubbed his nose on the beef When he
permitted his victim to arise. a red
spot appeared on the top OF the pro-
feSSor's nose.
You've come here TO make an in
spectiOn and you've got TO do it. You
can't smell anything unless you poke
your nose into it. What do you think
it isl"
Roast beef. 1t smells very bad"
stammered the terrified scientist.
Roast beef! Why. man, that's not
roast beef; its unicorn
Certainly It is"
And it's rotten
VERY rotten"
Not at to eat"
Indeed its not"
"Whatll l do with it,"
Throw Il away"
NO; Ill burn It TO a cinder." And
showing the meat back into the oven,
he shut the door with bang.
DO yoI know. professor, what kind
of meat believe in feeding insane per-
sons ou?"
No"
Human meat. There's something in
human meat to nouriSh humans. Why
not? The waste is rep'enishcd by the
same tissue that is lost. These crazy
persons suffer from a want OF brain
food. What's so good for the brain
as the brain. If could give all these
sufferers in this asylum one dinner OF
brain food could cure EN-"
suppose" said the professor, trem-
bling-"suppose we 70 out and get
some brain food for them"
Go out? Why should we so out
when we've got 1t right here? You.
who have done so much for brain suf-
fererS will certainly do one thing more"
WHAT" faltered the professor,
knowing well what the man meant
Give your brain TO the cause. 1t
would be worth a dozen common
brains. Its theories would he taken
in to the system as well as the organ
ic matter. Like cures like Come. lay
your head down on that block. I'll
take it of with this cleaver and boil 1t
in that cauldron."
The professor. white as sheet and
trembling Mt the knees. looked about
for an avenue of escape.
Down on the block" roared the
maniac. IT'S nothing more than many
eminent men and women among our
British ancestors have done Think OF
Anne Boleyu. the Earl Of STAFFORD,
Archbishop Lawd, Lady Jane Gray,
Charles l. and hundreds OF others.
you will give yours for mental suf-
fercrS"
The maniac seized the professor by
the arm, at the same time raising the
Cleaver. Van Wrinkle could stand the
strain no longer. He raised a cry that
reverberated throughout the building.
Persons were heard trying to open the
doors. Then one of the windows was
thrown mp, and an attendant jumped
into the room, followed by others. They
reached the maniac in time to save the
professor, took the cleavcr from the
former and led him away struggling.
Six strong men were engaged in the re.
moval.
Van Wrinkle on reaching home. as
soon as b" had recovered from the
shock he had received. wrote out
statement TO the directors Of the state
asylum for the insane I'm which he ad-
mittcd that there were cases of insan-
ity needing rigorous treatment and that
the experienced persons in charge OF
them were the best judges Of when TO
apply such treatment The supcrln-
teudant's resignation was withdrawn.
I'll" brain thcurist did not again visit
the institution for two years, when DR..
Swinbournc had retired. In the new
superintendent Professor Van Wrinkle
met with a surprise. Uc was none 9th
or than the m1uiac chef who had so
nearly chopped the INSPECTORS head of.
The superintendent smiled
"Professpr." he sold. Eve were oflig-
ed 10 eliminate your Interference with
Or Swinhourn"'s management or lose
the doctor When you came on your
tour Of inspection / was then physi-
clan on the staff. but you bad never
seen me and ! concluded 10 play the
part OF an uHcured patient. I meant no
harm. Your scientific deductions are
valuable. bur We must be the Judges az
to testing them"
Professor Van Wrinkle never told the
story rs 10 how he had been duped and
eliminated.