The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-28

k(I WISH." said MT. Dooley, that we cud
 bate tn English fairly at some game or
 another.'
 Didn't we do it at Stockholm?" said MT. Hennessy
 We cid not" said Mr. Dooley.
 "I thought we did, an was getting r-ready to congratulate tn boys whin they come back. Not, mind ye that it makes much diff renee to me if a young fellow counthryman iv mine who's been called firm his room just as he's started to dhress tllrots hundherd meters in ten an four hfths seconds or iliven hours. 1 don't know how long meter is annyhow. Tn only meter I have amy expeeryence with is tn wan ye hear rumbln in tn cellar at this minyit, an tn gas compny can run hundherd or hundherd thou san iv thim fast enough to bate tn wurrud. Still, was biased to think that young fellows cud scamper faster, ep higher, an throw things fur ther thin sornewan else's young fellows, an was r-ready to welcome thim as soon as they put on their clothes an thank thim fr what they'd done an let thiin go back to wurruk tendin store, or thravelin beat, or studyin' law, or whativer it is such heeroes does whin they're dacently dhressed.
 But was wrong. Instead iv welcomin' thrn I'd be ashamed to speak to wan iv thin A tur'iblc scandal has come out about our team. No, they didn't spike their opponents or bump thim this time. That three years ago, an tn boys was insthructed not to do it again. Their thrairers told thm to keep out iv tn way iv tinp- tation, an whin they see an Engishman ap- proachin' thm to run away firm him as fast as they cud This time tn foul was far more haynous because 1t was secret Tn English t. l..A protest, that tn American team-I hate to tell ye th' horrible accusation but it must come out soon or later--that these young fellows lost to shame, actually thrained fir th' races. Here it is an exthract firm tn London Daily Groan:- It was not tin supeeryority iv tn American team that give it tn victhry but the thrainin' methods iv these barbaryans firm acrost tn water. It turns out that many iv these pretinded amachoors stopped smokin' cgareets an atm pie weeks beg fure goin' to Sweden, an that while our athletics were Twin their ordhnry anlachoor lives an takn' no exercise beyant fghtn' with tn wasps fir pos session iv tn breakfast marmylade their oppo- nents were practicin' runnin', jumpin and putin tn shot, so as to have an onfair advantage whin they entered tn races. In coorse they bate us but we thank hiven that Engshmen have not adopted these neefaryous methods, but whin they win, though it be sidom, do so entirely on their merits.
 Our idee iy these spoorts is that they ought to be threated as pleasant way v passin' tn aftfcrnoon. Tn thrue amachoor wud dsdan missn meal in ordher to run little faster thin his fellow man. He ates hearty lunch iv veal an ham pie, with chunk iv cheese an pasthrv, dhrinks basin iv tea, goes at wanst to tn game, takes off his coat hands his pipe to tn starter, an runs till light precipitation breaks out on tn forehead or sinkin' feelin' in tn neighborhood " tn s.on1aeh warns him he has gone far enough Anywan who adhopts other methods is a pro- hssyonal an ought to be barred.
 There ye have it. But that aint all cilly-