New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1912-04-08
WORKING THE BUTTER UP.

Perhaps you've noticed. with surprise
The price of buffers on the rise
Despite the milder weather.
But IL you wish TO find the cause,
You must not look TO natures laws,
But elsewhere altogether.
You see when these United States
Some horrid trust investigates
The legal costs extensive,
And I'm the customary way
The trust just makes the public pay
Good lawyers are expensive.
A. present Elgln butter men,
Who meet together now and then
And chat about the weather
Arc being hunted a trust,
And so. Of course. their butter must
BE higher altogether
G. b. NJ.
Wife-How does my new spring hat look,
Tom2
Hub-Um! It looks to me Ike two weeks
salary Boston Transcript.
Switzerland is to have its Boy Scouts,
based oil English lines. An influential COM
mittee, consisting of several professors
and the heads OF various sporting organlZa-
lions. has been formed in Geneva 90 or
game the corps. not only in this town, but
all over Switzerland. with branches in the
chief cities. and the Swiss Alpine Club will
also cooperate. This movement. II is
thought. Will be great success in switzer-
land, where every healthy boy must event
ually become A soldier.
Tn afraid" said Bronco Bob. tina,
Pluto Pcte's ideas Of tho game Is Eettn'
kind o warped.
What's the trouble?'
Every time he picks UP hand an finds
less than three aces he thinks Il wasn't
square Observation-Disclosures Star.
Discussing "The Rane Of Presents" the
Roy Or MAJ Heller, Of New Orleans, says
that the present mania OF our day has
grown into one Of tho most senseess and
worrisome nuisances that tend 10 compli-
cate life From birth to death" he adds.
"onc runs y perpetual gauntlet Of presents
there Is the baby present, the birthday pres
ent confirmation pres mt, graduation pres
ent engagement present. wedding present,
presents OF every kind, besides
Christmas and New Years presents part
ing gifts. coming home gifts housewarm-
Ing presents, etc, etc" The clergyman
thinks that Il is in the power Of the rich
10 relieve tho situation by "affording tho
needed example OF simplicity and modera-
ton"
What are YOU doing for the uplift.
Il am teaching poor girls tho rudiments
OF bridge whist And you?"
"Oh, 7 am collecting cast-of automobiles
to distribute among worthy persons. -
Louisville Courier-Journal.
4 New York physician who has an ex-
tensive practice had an unpleasant expert
ence on Monday evening which might havo
been averted II he had remembered the
date with his wife and another member
OF his family he was attending a dinner
At the home of friend and professional
brother The last course had not been
served when a servant handed him a note. |
He arose. excused himself and, giving his |
host a wink. which was probably under
stood. hurried from the house and entered |
he taxicab which had been ordered for |
him. He returned IN short time, not in
the best of spirits, confessed that he had |
been April fooled and informed tho com |
pany that four other physicians had been |
similarly called to the same address.
Have you ever had dream that came
rue2'
Yes. | had one only a few nights ago |
that came true. dreamed that / was
going TO receive a telegram which I would |
le afraid TO show TO my wife"
And you got It? Was II from another |
Yes"
say old man, / never supposed you
would be guilty
Walt! 1t was from my mother, who noti
led me that she was coming to visit us for
NO or three weeks."-Chicago RecordHer-
I'D.