davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22

press from Paris Sir Thomas Upton,
wearing his yachting cap. was stand.
ing at the head Of the gangway. An
American went up to him, and think.
ing Sir Thomas was a newspaper
vender, said: What papers have You
got there? Have you got any New
York papers?" Sir Thomas immedi-
ately realized the situation and said
that he had no New York papers, but
had some English papers, including
the Daily Telegraph, the Daily Ex-
press, the Daily News, the Star. tie
Westminster Gazette and Reynolds.
Give me the Daily Telegraph" said
the American. How much Is it,"
Thinking to make profit. Sir Thomas
replied "Twopence." The purchaser
took the paper and made his way to
his cabin.
Subsequently, on Sir Thomas Upton
informing Sir Thomas Dewar that he
had made some money for him dur.
ing his absence, the latter quickly told
him that he was mistaken. that the pa.
per had cost him threepence. and
through the transaction he was loser
by a penny. or. a. he nut it In CONNER
cial language. 80 l-3 per cent.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
MARKS LOST SOCK SIMPLY WASTE Time
Mistakes That Mr.. Wilkinson WIN
Not Repeat.
Has Practically Given Up Idea Thu.
Telephone Girl Can 30 Induced
to Acknowledge That She
... Has Made Mistake.

Mr.. Wilkinson had Just fallen into .
sound sleep when at 11:A5 his wife
shook him. sayingt
william. william! Hurry-get IN
The telephones ringing"
Let 1t ring" Mr.. Wilkinson sleep
lily replied.
mo. no! Hurry and answer II. II
may be long distance. I'm so afraid
mother may be worse-she might BE-
dead! Please hurry! I'm 80 fright.
ened I don't know what to d."
Mr.. Wilkinson reluctantly crawled
out Of bed and stumbled through the
darkness to the electric switch. While
he was turning on the light the tele.
phone bell rang again.
please hurry" Mrs. Wilkinson i'm.
plored. They may not wait"
II am hurrying." Wilkinson grum.
bled. III they don't want to wait let
'em go to the dickens"
At last he got down into the hall
and took the receiver from the fork.
"Well?" he asked. what is it!'
There was no immediate reply.
"Hello!" he exclaimed.
Still there was no response.
Then he jiggled the arm a few
times and presently . sweet voice
asked:
Number, please"
Number nothin'!" replied William
Wilkinson. who's calling us?"
Number, please"
II say, who's calling u.s."
Nobody is calling you"
This bell has been ringing"
Nobody IL calling you"
well. what do you mean by get.
ting people out Of bed at this time Of
night?"
Number, please"
II say, what do you mean by ring.
ing US up at this time Of night II
nobody wants us?"
Did you wish to call anybody"
Didn't you ring this phone Just
now"
Number. please"
HAS anybody been trying to get
us?"
Nobody Is calling you"
1.-THE bell has been ringing for the
past ten minutes"
HAS IT. The wires must Be
crossed"
While he was lying awake during
the next two hours william Wilkin-
son arrived at the philosophical con.
clusion that It was useless to try to
get a telephone girl to acknowledge
a mistake.-Chicago Record-Herald.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Two ThrustS.

Congressman Henry was deprecat'
ing in Washington an international
marriage de CONVEYANCE"
1.-TWO men were talking about this
marriage cynically but truthfully." be
said, 1.-THE first man remarked:
"'Of course tho earl won't be able
to support Miss Lolita Golde IN tho
style she's been accustomed to-
"'oh,' said the other, her father
will make allowances for that" IN
Congressman Henry gave grim
laugh and resumed.
1.-THE first man looked thoughtiuI LOT
a moment. Then he said:
"'Despite the stories about tbe
earl's past. 1t does seem to me that
he's Miss Golde's devoted slave
"'Oh, yes was the other mans r.
ply, hes eager for the bonds u
right" w
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22

ception Ut the palace. and the splen'
doris Of the sultan's home. has this to
say regarding the harem proper:
"The harem II in building con-
nected with the palace by bridge.
As we entered the long court he (the
sultan) pointed to some rooms with
the doors closed. or half open. and
said these were unimportant, as they
belonged to the lowest class Of wom-
en-. who are practically slaves.
In one Of these rooms I noticed
two Arab girls wearing masks In semi
moslem fashion. They were squatted
on the floor. just as do the higher
types Of monkeys. Their faces were
protected by bright yellow masks that
reached the mouth and were slit 90
the eyes showed through. Their
dresses were even more ridiculous.
The one had large black and white
shawl wound to protect the lower part
of her body. Her chief upper cover
ing was long strand Of shell beads.
I'VE walked on some PAGES and en-
tered 4 more spacious apartment. The
first room was large reception room.
The floors were covered with splendid
rugs from Persia and India, and about
the room were scattered great guam
titles Of ebony, ivory, and lacquer
work.
THE adjoining room was bedroom
crowded with furniture, including .
handsome Turkish couch. costly silk
draperies, and handsome ebony
dresser. piled high with toilet articles
Of solid gold.
"On the couch was slight, grace
full Zanzibar maiden. She was fairer
than most of the women in the harem.
and when she smiled she showed q
double row Of handsome pearls.
CLOSE by were the sultana's room,
the favorite wife OF the sultan. Az
we passed the sultan pointed out the
suite and said that he was sorry he
was not able to show me his favorite
wife and her handsome rooms. but 1t
was the rule Of the harem that he was
the only one, other than her slaves.
who had the right to enter her apart
ments.
As we retraced our steps we pass
ed a room with the doors wide open,
and I saw q beautiful girl with rosy
cheeks, reddish hair, and large blue
eyes seated on a couch doing some
beautiful English embroidery.
"She had been brought to the place
when she was not much more than .
child, and was the daughter of San
Francisco carpenter, but he could not
find out from her or from anybody in
the harem how she had been brought
there.
"As we left the harem remarked
to the young sultan: "You are for
tunate to have 80 many wives"
cit is all the way you regard these
things he replied. If I had my way,
I should choose an American or Eng
lish girl for my wife. and love her and
her alone.'"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Geography Of Biushlna.


The hunter. seated under denuded
tree upon a mound Of red and yellow
leaves. ate q luncheon Of sandwiches
in the mild sunshine of an October
day.
Dogs blush" he said. Look at
Carlo. I'll brighten him. and you'll
see him blush plainly. Dogs blush In
the tall;
He pretended that he was going tc
whip his hurting dog. and the animal
showed the whites Ct its eyes in
fright. while the skin Of its white tail
was, sure enough. suffused with blood.
The tail blushed wildly.
Horses" continued tho huntsman,
blush In the ears. especially In the
left ear. Cows and sheep blush just
above the fetlock. Watch that spot
on a COW. When she bushes there it's
a sign she's nervous. Move the milk
pail then, for she is likely to kick It
over. n., sa. .-.. ....
Cats and mice and lions and tigers
blush at the roots of their antennaes
or whiskers.'
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22

sor Of Old Testament Interpretation,
In an address upon THE Recovery OF .
Lost Civilization" at the commence
ment Of the fall term Of the Garrett
Biblical Institute Of Northwestern uni
versity, Evanston. ILL.,.
In addition to this cuneiform ro-
nance. Prof. Eiselen read inscrip-
lions on other bricks setting forth
marriage contracts Of Babylon and
Nineveh; contracts relating to ali.
mony: complaint from a ledger in a
boarding house against the fare: a
prescription for toothache: business
and government records; and mes
sages relating to the daily life OF
those ancient peoples whose capitals
have been dust for centuries.
These bricks were unearthed by
savants of the German Oriental so
ciety (Deutscher Oriental Gesell-
schaft), who are now making extern.
sive excavations on the sites Of Nine
veh, Babylon and Ashur, which ante
date Nineveh as the capital of the AS
syrian empire. The Northwestern uni
versity recently has obtained go OF
these bricks. Many Of the bricks are
inscribed with temple records. 9th
ers are engraved with messages to
the kings, official records Of govern
ment, and letters Of the common peo-
pie.
The bricks vary in size. The larg-
est are three inches long, two inches
wide, and one-half inch thick. The
smallest are not more than an inch
long, half an inch wide. and one-fourth
Of an inch thick. The average IL
about an inch and half long. an
inch wide, and one-fourth inch thick.
The temple records and the bricks
which may be termed "offlcial docu-
ments" are kiln baked. The love let.
ter ia likewise kiln baked. But most
OF the private letters are on sun
dried bricks. The bricks vary as
greatly in value as in size. The tenn.
pie records and the bricks setting
forth official minutiae are valued at
five dollars apiece. Others. especially
those Of historical significance. are
valued at hundreds. and even thou.
sands Of dollars. The cuneiform writ
ings cover both sides Of the bricks.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Humorous Incident Not Creature
Of Writer'S Brain.
Declared In After Years That II was
Z True story Of His Search i"
Dark for His Lost Article
Of Apparel. o.

Readers of "A Tramp Abroad" who
recall the incident of the finding OF
the lost sock in the vast hotel bed
room in Heilsbronn may be interested
to compare the story a. thus told with
what really happened. In his install
ment of the Mark Twain biography IN
the August Harper's, Albert bigeiow
Paine quotes letter from Mr.. Glenn
ems to his friend. Rev. J. H. Twicheli'
dated from Munich, in which we are
given the earliest version Of. this incl
dent. In the letter the account runs
az follows: *'r' :"
Last night I awoke at three this
morning, and after raging at myself
for two interminable hours / gave II
up. I rose, assumed cat-like stealtni-
ness, to keep from waking Livy, and
proceeded to dress in the pitch dark.
Slowly but surely l got on garment
after garment--all down to one SOCK;
had one slipper on and the other IN
my hand. Well, on my hands ana
knees crept softly around; paving
and feeling and scooping along the
carpet and among chair legs for tnat
missing sock. l kept that up, and SUI
kept it up, and kept 1t up. At nrst
only said to myself, Blame that SOCK
but that soon ceased to answer.
my explosives grew steadily strong
er and stronger, and at last, when l
found was lost, had to sit down on
the floor and take hold OF something
to keep from lifting the roof on Win
the profane explosive that was trying
to get out of me. l could see the dim
blur of the window, out, Of course. IL
was In the wrong place and could give
me no Information as to where was.
But l had one comfort had not
walked Livy: believed I could ma
that sock In silence II the night lasted
long enough. So l started again ana
softly paved all over the place; ana
sure enough, at the end Of half an
hour l laid my hand on the missing
article. rose joyfully up and butted
the wash.bowl and pitcher on the
stand. and simply raised -, 50 to
speak. Livy screamed, then salo:
Who is It? What 10 the natter l
said: There amt anything the mat
ter. I'm hunting for my sock. She
said: Are you hunting for 1t with .
club?'
II went In the parlor and lit the
lamp, and gradually the fury subsided
and the ridiculous features ct the
thing began to suggest themselves. So
I lay on a sofa with a notebook and
pencil. and transferred the adventure
to our big room in the hotel at Heils-
bronn, and got 1t on paper good
deal to my satisfaction. "-Rehoboth
Sunday Herald.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
TEA ROOM IN Y. 8. TREASURY.

Secretary of the Treasury Mac
Veagh. has officially recognized tea
as one OF the rights of women by
authorizing the opening Of q tea
room" in the treasury department.
where 100 Individual pots Of tea keep
up a merry song during the lunch
hour. The new tea room is the only
one under Uncle Sans protection.
Some time ago indiscriminate tea max
ing throughout the building caused
Secretary MacVeagh to issue an anti
tea" rule. The women raised q pro-
test and the special tea room was the
result,
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Made IN Innovation.

over the door Of . pretentious ga
hon downtown is I chime OF gonss
that may be played from an electrical
keyboard inside. A wag from the
5ewelry region. who has some facility
q pianist. got to the keyboard the
other day and passers-by were amaz-
Cd to hear snatches from rollickins
drinking songs instead Of the usual
formal ding, dong, dang. ding that
sounds automatically each quarter
hour. Later when all the street was
unlighted except for the daring lamp
lust above the chime Lead, Kindly
Light" was played through by the
4ewelry man.-New York Sun.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Another General Rule.

Another General Rule.
Gen. Sir John French Of the British
army talked to q reporter on the Lu-
sitania about aviation.
Its mortality 10 dreadful" he said.
"such sacrifices. however. attend ev'
cry human advance" ..
With q grim smile he added:
ION an aviation held an aeroplane
inventor said one day to me compla-
Gently:
"'see the aeroplanes looking down
on the plodding motor carsl That Is
the general rule now. Aeroplanes ev'
erywhere are looking down on motor
cars -
eyes, and falling down on them,
too said l."
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Sperm Whale on Rampage.

How a gigantic sperm whale broke
two steel ribs Of a whaler and disabled
Z dynamo and one engine when har-
pooned OF Sitka bay, was told by the
crew OF 4 whaler which arrived at
Seattle, Wash. from Baranof island a
few days ago. The battle with the
whale began when the whaler's gunner
harpooned the big fellow. The whale
dashed at the vessel with terrific speed.
There was q crash AZ he struck amid.
ships on the port side. The force OF
the collision increased the whales fury
and after a hard struggle 1t escaped.
AZ soon as the blow was struck. the
captain went below and examined tne
hun. He found that two steel ribs nao
been broken and the machinery put
out of commission by the shock.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Fortune Worthliy Used.

The new woman suffrage club re-
Gently opened In Rome has established
a free employment bureau for ths
benefit Of Italian working women. In
making this departure. the club is
carrying out the wishes Of the lats
Donna ,Giacinta Martini. who was
president for many years Of the ltal-
ian Woman Suffrage Association. All
her life Donna Martini worked for
the betterment Of the conditions Of
working women. and she devoted =
large part OF her fortune TO this end.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Child Labor and Health.

"Child labor predisposes to tubercu'
losis. This does not apply exclusiVev
to child labor IN tho factory. In man,
cases child labor In the home Is -
bad as in the factory, and the osn
ger from tuberculosis is Just as sres.
These are among the statements mso.
In a paper before the recent ConsN
on Hygiene and Demography In VASE
ington by. DR.. 8. Adolphus knopl :,
New York. "ruberculosis Is . soe..
disease in the final analysis IL ~
not be eradicated until we have so''''
Justice" l
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Iowa State Bystan6ef
sYsTANDER PUB. CO. Publishers
RETURN TO OLD FAvoRITE
Dlaek Walnut Wall Drsckst Has Been
Brought Into Uss 20 Display
Small Collections.

The black walnut wall bracket long
ago banished - old fashioned. insight
h. even useless. IL reappearing among
house furnishings. Il 10 found to
- just the thing TO display . modest
little collection Of trinkets or small
eurios.
One carved bracket picked up In .
SECOND hand shop II being used BY it,
new owner to hold dozens Of tiny for
eign silver MISREPRESENTATION
81 musical instruments. boxes, furni-
ture and animals. In another home,
whore cloisonne II Q hobby. little box
., teapots, vases and traps Of this
ware are displayed on three shelf
bracket. hung low, 20 the trinkets can
b handled and enjoyed. The owner
did not want to put her collection IN
Q glass cabinet. and the long discard
"a parlor bracket nils the need Mt
tingiy. On the shelves she has laid
strips Of rich blue and gold Oriental
embroidery. . perfect ss.ting for the
little ebony stands on which the choice
pieces Of Chinese bric-a-brac are
4 = ! I. T.
placed. .. s..E...s.
Still another woman has little gal
lery OF her family photographs.
dozen or more, in heavy silver frames,
arranged together on one Of these OLD
brackets. which hangs in conspicu'
Gus place In her morning room.
A pair OF old brackets Of generous
dimensions have been covered with
coat Of white enamel paint and are
doing service in blue and white nur'
sery, where they hold an interesting
collection OF curious dolls from many
countries. sr
The email single brackets with
carved tapering underpieces are pref
u In bedrooms, hung near old-time
dressing tables. In one room on such
. bracket the owner has her grand
fathers snun box standing in front OF
Q miniature of her grandmother. Just
. single brass candle stick IL quite
enough decoration for one of the
brackets.
A young couple inherited along with
IN old walnut dining room set two
odd little brackets which they are
now using on either side of the bunet
into which the gigantic sideboard was
Immediately converted. An odd wood
en- clock stands on one and piece
Of pewter picked up in Normandy on
the other. >....
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
public and Private Life.

Distinguished beauty, brilliant tai
snt and the heroic qualities that play
1 great part in the affairs of life. sink
into minor place among the ele'
ments OF married happiness. Marriage
brings every faculty and gift into
MAY, but in degrees and proportions
very different from public life or cas-.
nal intercourse and relations. Power
20 soothe, to sympathize. to counsel
and to endure, are more important
than the highest qualities OF the hero
or the saint. It Is by these alone that
the married life attains its full meas
ure OF perfection.-W. Lecky.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
"movIEs" RUNNING SALOONS.

Moving picture shows have prac-
tically ruined the saloon business Of
tho national capital, according to In.
vestigations of the excise board. AL
though the new license year began
November, only ITS applications have
been made for renewal Of retail
licenses. Last year 613 retail liquor
licenses were taken out and unless
business picks up during the next
few days the board anticipates only
one third Of the regular saloon busi-
ness will be in force during the coming
80. Is54 fsg A. +-t,-. i4 a.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22

VI Nv ~
Africa. recently
visited the harem
of the sultan OF
Zanzibar. TIL Q
young sultan. All
bin Hamoud. has
q splendid Eng
lish education. be-
Ing q graduate Of
Elton.
Mrs. Hume, In
an article in the
Chicago Sunday
Tribune, after de.
ocrthiu0 hor r0.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Embarrassing.

Embarrassing.
A tramp knocked at the door of Q
lonely spinster's home.
Kind lady, arst yer husband II e
amt got old pair o. trousers to give
away"
The spinster, not wishing to expose
her solitude, replied:
Sorry, my good man. he-er-er-
never wears such things."-Harper's
Magazine.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
You'd Think So.

You'd Think So.
Hes a BRUTE"
"How so?"
when she promised to be his wife
he said he would do everything in his
power to make her happy"
"Well?"
HE spends all OF his time at the
club"
We'll, If he is really a brute that
ought to help some"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
~ couraa He Doesn't.

DO you ind your husband mucn :.
a help?" asked the lady who Wss
candidate for the legislature. -.
Eyes," replied the one wno ..,v
running for mayor, II really ~ =
know how I should be abe - N
along without him. He listens y 4
my speeches before / make 'u g,
public" .n. ,..,T
docs he ever criticize them ~.
"Never. That is what gives NO sa
fidence in myself" W
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Lucky Eish.

= 1.-THE Goldfish" said the professor,
lays considerably more than million
eggs" ..-@. ~. ,...~, .. d.. ~
1T is mighty lucky for the Goldfish
that she doesn't have to cackle over
every egg" said the student who came
from the farm.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22

W. eAs~ - -
He wrote It on .
chunk Of damp
clay with q stylus
In cuneiform char
acters. Then he
baked the missive
and turned 1t into
q brick. which has
preserved I b Q
message to this
day. The baked
love letter was de-
ciphered recently
by the Rev. +.
n Eiaolon DrOfoS.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22

The Peoples Most Prominent Part.
s Il insist" shouted the political can
5didate, that this shall be govern
ment Of the people. by the people and
for the people"
Eyes" said the man In the audience,
5"and guess you might as well add
at the expense Of the people. 55
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22

nAuQOIpu, bOn VI
lsham Randolph.
the W Q ! Tx n o wn
civil engineer of
Chicago.
T he coupA e
were united in
marriage at the
Cathedral of SIS.
Peter and Paul In
Chicago by Dean
Walter T. Sumner
and Rev. Oscar
De Wolf Randolph
of Lee Memorial
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
All tho same to Him.

Aren't you sorry the nights af' Is 4.
ting 80 long?" .,1erenes
"Oh, it doesn't make any ~. u' - -
to me. NY wife always sits ~. y i
waits for me. no matter ~"
night may be" Il
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
str.,noa Sounds.

ga Strange Sounds !, M
1.-THE Russians have no sense y o..on.
NOR remarked the frivolous pei'
"why do you think so?. o,,o.r
III they had, no presldlns -,,.hout.
could get through q roll call
laughing at his own WORDS. Ssl
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Saving His Life.

Hes always borrowing my ciga-
rettes!" ss r. .s - ~ :.
Perhaps he is trying for hero
medal" III
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
The Fioht.

Willis 50 your wife recovered!
Fine! / heard the doctors made .
great fight for her life.
.5s ellis They did and they almost got
{ II. too. W0nAn'a Home Comparior~
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
A Pampersd Pct.

Annette" - \
Yes, madame. .s....,...., q
Take Panky out for an airing In
the car" ~ se.gssa p.
yes, madame. al & n
"And be sure you put on the little
darling's rain coat. ! thought his
bark sounded rather hoarse this
morning" @ IT..
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
Keen Kid.

.Mother. didn't you say that some
enc would get spanked It my new coll
rot broke?"
Eyes, / did"
.Then would you mind Spanking
Aolly most severely, mamma! tho
naughty thing has Just oroksn neF
aYmi"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22

OH i AOAAdo AlP
ton and Sir Thorn.
as Dewar from q
continental motor
trip. Anxious to
learn the latest
news from Eng.
land, Sir Thomas
Dewar purchased
a parcel of Eng.
lish papers. and
handed them to
Sir Thomas Lip.
ton to take care
Of. On the arriv.
~ - <k~ h4o$ no
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
MRS. DAVID HUME GUEST
OF SULTAN OF ZANZIBAR

Mrs. David T. Hume. wife OF Com
missioner Hume Of the Killanjaro as
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1912-11-22
There's 4 Reason.

"Why do you wish to divorce her.
because she doesn't cook like your
mother used to-" %1st..s. .-a
mo. because she does" 49,.