Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1912-01-04
CLEMENS The BOY
The Budding HumoriSt Was the
Terror OF His Mother.
HE YEARNED TO BE A PIRATE

Mark Twain the hoy was leader OF
Il band VI young incorrigihcs. accord.
iug to Albert Rigclow Paine. Twain's
secretary aud hlographcr who in Har-
pcrS tells something ot their Juvenile
guiuGs on;
His mother declared that he gave her
more trouble than all the other chill
drcn put taActhCr
"Ilc drives me crazy With his didocs
when he is in the house," she used To
say. land when he is out of II | am
rNpetiu& every minute that some one
viii hriuG him home half dead"
He did, IN fact, achieve the first of his
mine narrow escapes FROM drowning"
about this time and was pulled out of
the river one afternoon and brought
home in a limp and unpromisiug con-
ditiou. When With mullein tea and cas-
tor oil SHE had restored him to activ-
ity She said
Il guess there wasn't much danger
People horn Ia be hanged ARE safe in
water"
somebody to take him OF her hands
for y part OF each day and try to teach
him manners
Besides his mother. who had to con.
tend with the had boy, was his school.
teacher. certain Miss llorr Mr.
Paine tells how unlike to he'd of roses
was her tot
Miss llorr received % cents a week
for each pulpit and opened her school
with prayer, after which came n chap
ter OF the bible, with explanations and
the rules OF conduct. Then the 4 II G
class was called, because It's recital
was II hand to hand struggle, rcuuir-
ing no preparation,
The rules of conduct that first day
interested little sam lie calculated
how much he would need to trina In h
sail close to the danger line and stlll
avoid disaster. However, he mnde u
characterization during the forenoon and
received warming \ second otfense
would mean punishment lie did not
mean to he caught the second time.
but he had not learned Miss Horr yet
and was presently startled by being
commanded to 20 ont aud bring stick
for his own correction,
This was certainly disturbing. II
was sudden. and then he did not know
much about the selection of sticks
Jane Clemens had usually used her
hand. II required n second command
TO get him headed In the right direc-
ton, and he was n trlne dazed when
he got outside He had the forests OF
Missouri to select from. but choice was
difficult Everything looked too big
and competent, Even the smallest
switch had II wiry, discouraging look
Across tho way was II cooper shop
with good many shavings outside
One had blown across and lay lust In
front OF him, 1t was IN inspiration.
He picked II up and. solemnly enter
Ing the schooroom, meekIy handed It
to Miss Horr
Perhaps Miss Horr's sense OF humor
prompted forgiveness. but discipline
must be maintained
Samuel Langhorne Clemens" she
said Che had never heard II all strung
together in that ominoua wayl. II am
ashamed Of you, Jimmy Dunlap, go
bring in Il switch for Sammy And
Jimmy Dunlap went and the switch
was Of II sort 10 give the little hoy an
immediate and permanent distaste for
school He informed his mother when
he went home at noon that he did not
carc for school; That he hid no desire
to be great man, TINT he preferred
to be n pirate or an Indian mud scalp
or drown such people as Miss Horn
Young sam conceived the notion that
n pirates ife would he Joyous and,
with couple Of pals. cruiscd the Mis-.
sia4ipp
Some Of their expeditions were limo
cent enough They often cruised ND 10
Turtle Island about two miles above
Hannibal ana spent the day fcasting
You conld have loaded a car with tur.
ties and heir eggs up there and there
were quantities OF mussels ANA plenty
OF fish Fishing ana swimming were
their chief pastinlcs, with general ma
raBdIn2 for adventure Where The rail
road bridge now ends on the Missouri
idle was their fav0r!te swimming hole
that and along Rcnr creek. Il sechid
cd limpid water with special interests
pf lis own Sometimes nj evening they
swan ncross to GlassCock's island. the
rendezvous IT Tom S4wycrs "Black
Avengers" ana the hiding place OF
linck aud Niger Jim. Once. though
this was considerably later when he
was sixteen, Sam Clemens swan across
70 the Illinois side and then turned
and swan back again without land
Ing distance OF at least two miles a.
he had to go He was seized with
cramp on the return trip His legs
became useless. and he was obliged TO
make the remaining distance with his
arms. 1t was hardy life they led,
and 1t is not recorded that they ever
did any serious damage. though they
narrowly missed 1t sometimes.
A Close Relation
Pess- What do Won think Haraupt