Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1912-05-23
Their Narrow
Escapes

ut was like this,' explained the man
after the others had told him that he
; was looking pale. II was to meet my
wife's cousin downtown to buy a pres
ent for my wife, and, of course, she
was late l got tired standing in the
store entrance, where we were to find
each other, SO l started down the
street to meet her. In the crowd saw
her coming and she was at her old
tricks-carrying her handbag tucked
carelessly under one arm, ready to
tumble out or be grabbed.
keeping my eye on the bag, re-
solved to give Emma the jolt of her
life and scare her into fit of COM
mon sense. Just as got in front of
her reached out and took the hand
, bag. Then looked at her triumphant
ly. condescendingly, accusingly. At
least, l started out with the intention
of crushing her with that sort of
gaze, but never completed it, because
! well, you see, it wasn't Emma!
"It was, however, a\perfectly good
imitation of her and she was both
scared to death, hopping mad and
ready for Mysteries. There was one
awful second when she opened her
lips to scream and at that instant the
crossing policeman looked ten feet
high to me and fierce in proportion
In the last panic of desperation l
grabbed her arm so hard that it hurt
her so she couldn't yell and pleaded
for my life l gasped out that it was
a mistake and she Indignantly as
sured me it certainly was, the biggest
mistake of my life, but that that was
what they all said when they got
caught.
II assured her that 1 thought she
was my Cousin Emma and she looked
: at me scornfully. She was beginning
to get back her breath and her cour-
age. She said no doubt Cousin Emma
was most estimable person, but she
didn't thank me for taking her for the
cousin of pickpocket and opened her
mouth again to scream. 1 think 1
shook her then-at any rate, her
scream was lost. never before talk
ed so fast in my life or so much. 1t
/
the drop was sprung to say all
wanted to say. told her all about my
great-grandfathe who was in the Rev.
olutionary war and the new house I
was building and how respectable the
club were to which / belonged and
how 1 had credit at all the stores.
EITHER I led her to think I was in
sane and dangerous or else my piteous
gaze reused spark of humanity in
her, because by the time the crowd
had drawn the policeman to us she
quite snapped at him and told him
nothing was the trouble and to go
back to waving his hand at automo-
fairs. Anyhow, she let me stink
away without raising any row. I'm
still shaking!"
II expect she didn't mind so much
because she'd spent all her money for
Christmas, and there wasn't anything
in the pocket book" said one of the
other men. I'm not precisely breath
less over your very narrow escape
because l had one that was sc
much worse short time ago. Say
couldn't blind man with his head
in a sack tell from one brief glance
at me that am respectable, strait
laced family man? Could any one ever
mistake me for gay and roisterine
blade, or does any one exist who would
dream of accusing me of flirting?
well, the other night l was taking
: my wife and Jones wife downtown tc
dinner. Jones was to join us at the
cafe. stopped to buy paper and the
women walked on ahead 1t was ter
! ribly crowded on the streets that time
; of the evening, and my wife is SO uset
to being looked after that l wa:
afraid she would walk under an auto
mobile or sit down and rest on the
:, car tracks or something, so tore aftel
them. I caught up just as my wifi,
stepped off the sidewalk to the cross
ing. Slipping my hand under her ell
: bow, leaned over close and said dis
y tinctly-oh, most distinctly-'Be care
: full, dearie, about crossing tn,
street,"
i wasn't it your wife?"
a "Of course not!" shouted the maj
who was telling the story. cts neve
your wife in situation like that!
Say, the things that woman sait
to me then and there! The memory O
d them wakes me up in the night ant
I they make frescoes all over any wal
o l look att What did do? What cal
u a man do when woman possessin,
n fine and fluent command of Englisl
and plenty Of time starts in to relat
her opinion Of him to his face?
u gasped like goldfish on land an,
II turned pea green and maybe I 20
= down on my knees to her and praye,
e I'm not sure.
r. my wife and Mrs. Jones were
is block ahead and l was glad they were
n because my wife is-er-excitable.
d{dp't 10 hove a,,,1o;.