The Washington herald., 1912-04-21
By DOROTHY DIX.

Once upon a time there was q woman
/ who was the proud mother OF an infant
phenomenon. He exhibited his marvellous
intelligence by Growing In the cradle. and
by saying goo-goo-googlums Just as cute
as anything.
| At q tender age he learned to recite
pieces OF poetry, and sing for company,
and 10 infiet other tortures on innocent
people with a heartlessness surprising
to observe IN q mere babe.
His mother, however, Tnistook his nerve
for genius, and in consequence thereof
she went about Dragging about what her
little Willie did and said until her friends,
! who did not care for steriliSed baby talk.
hiked out for the pines when they saw
her coming.
I'VE oplne." they said. shat life is full
enough OF trouble and ahiictions without
adding infantile bon mots to IL, and that
anybody is justified In passing up the
mother OF q precocious child. Besides,
we have Juvenile wonders Of our own
that we desire 10 talk about ourselves" !"
Now the mother OF the infant phenom-
enon ad no manner OF doubt that her
son was headed for the Temple OF
Fame, and that he would break all Of
the speed regulations In reaching II, but
one thing worried her. She could not
become his noble brow.
Personally" she said, ~ should not
object TO his writing a few plays like
Shakespeare, but q theatrical manager
says that the Bard Of Avon Is a dead one
now. and that there Is no money In
poetry, anyway.
Hard to Decide.
Neither shoGId refuse to let him be-
come President II II were not for the
exhaustins nature OF a political cam
paIgn. To be an admiral in the navy. or
a major general in the army. is wen
enough for ordinary creatures whose
places can be filed n they should be
killed, but Il would not be just to the
world to risk such a valuable life as my
sons in battle. while as for his being the
president of a trust I cannot bear to
think Of his wasting his great talent In
merely piling up millions"
Unfortunately for Little Willie his
Fond Mamma would never let him go to
School with other boys for fear he might
be kept back in his Glasses. nor would
she let him play with -other kids lest
he might be Injured by Association with
his Interiors, so he grew up thinking
he was the Greatest Ever and without
ever finding out what 4 Piker he was.
But by and by II became necessary for
him TO get out from under his Mothers
Sheltering Wings and to go out into the
World and Scratch for his own Living.
II shall not be gone long" he said to
his weeping Parent, FOR you know I
have always displayed Great Talent and
II will not take me as long to Achieve
Fame and Fortune as IL does People
who have only Ordinary Ability. ! opine
that all l will have TO do will be to show
myself. and l will win all of the Blue
Ribbons, and return to you Overloaded
with Dough and covered with Honors'
With these words Little Willie started
forth, but greatly to his surprise he did
not appear to create a Single Ripple Of
Excitement in the World.
Nobody seemed to be waiting about
with any Bouquets to hand to him, or
TO solicit him to accept a Large and Lu-
crative Position In the Financial Dis
trict. And when he began to tell about
how Precocious he was as a Child and
10 Explode some of his Baby Fireworks
they Knocked him.
Must show the Goods.
GO to- they cried, this is not
Kindergarten, and we will not stand for
any Of little Tiddledum's Cute Speeches
Furthermore, We are Leery of Infant
Phenomena. for their Stock has been
Pulled beyond its Market Value, and 1t
is apt to slump when you try to realize
on IT, The question is not what was
your Two-year-old Record, but what Is
your Present form Of Speed?"
Now Little Willie had not made good
on his Juvenile Promise, and he soon