davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
To Nominate club Directors,

a committee. consisting OF Joseph j.
Levy, J)r c. II Rudt Jonn G. f.asIev
- II. Ellington ". B. Broaddus q;
Harvey ClarEa. T.. NJ Crutchaeld and
Waiter u Thomas. WAS named vester.
day by tho Business Men. Club Ia
OF directors. From these ten tho cIitn
Will elect i've directors at the annual
meeting. TO '5e held on june 10
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
Lnnsrora Drren,. Barry.

Mclhourne, Australin. May l8-"sarn'
lanEtord. the heavyweight negro
boxer Of Boston. tonight defcat.d
Jim Barry. the Chicago heavyweight.
Barry was completely ouirlasscd. and
the referee stopped the ngh, In ,he
eleventh round
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
Virginia League

RESULTS YESTERDAY.
Richmond. ., Petersburg. ).
Dnnyillc. II Portsmouth, ..
I.!nchburis, 8; Newport News. u.
ItonnuiSc, IL; Norfoiil. 10.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
READING WINS AGAIN

Reading, Pa. May 13.-1n a pitch
ers' battle between Peterson and Mil
Imam. the local United States League
team trimmed THE New York aggrc-
cation by the score OF : to s. Peter
son famed ten of the locals. y fea
ture was the hitting of Cook of New
York. Shcckard led the home crowd
with three safe swipes. The score:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
FIVE PITCHERS
USED BYST.LOU|S
Futile Effort to Stop Batting OF
Boston Tcam-Sevcn Errors
by Browns.
WASHINGTON DEFEATS MAPS
White Sox Win From Athletics,
and Tigers Fall Before
New York.
WASHINGTON DEFEATS MAPS

Boston, May l3.-st. Louis used nvc Pitch
ers to-day in an effort TO stop the batting
OF the Bostons. but to no avail. and the
local team won by score of Il 70 p The
seven errors OF tho St. Louis team con;r.-
buted largely to their defeat After Bos-
ton had the game won Hall was taken out
and couple o! other pitchers tried out,
The field was slippery ana n high wind pre-
vailed. Score:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
WINS OUT IN eleventh

81. Louis. Mo. May ia base on balls a
single. wild pitch and Konctchy's single
In the eleventh inning gave 81. Louis the
tA!rd straight victory over Boston, the score
hcinE 10 :. King put ont OF the
game Tor protesting a decision in the tenth
inning Score:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
Chicago.
icw York.
Tota!s 80 : .llol totals 81 Z 9

'I5atted for Moore sin seventh.
ttame called end % cishth-darknessD
score by innings Il.
chicago ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS lOOOli II
summary: Runs-Snod grass, Murray. Mer-
kic 90. Shecknrd. Holman. Zimmerman CoD.
Ihree-base hii-zimmerfnan. Sacrifice hit
LennoN. stolen bases-Merkle. Sheckard and
Schulte. First base on bals-On Tesreau 3;
of Lavender. = Struci out--By Lavender
!. Hi; by pttcher-Lenrox. Time OF game
l'ts tmpires. RiGler and Finncran.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14

ST. Louis.
Totals 81 II PA Total.

20 VI Ut IUNNII III NtNtI.
scare by innings: H.
81. Louis ........................i 90 90 O. .
ooston ........-...,........,..l 0 ! : lit
summary: Ruus--Hooper % Ensle 49,,
speaker. Lewis 90. Gardner t3l. Bradley.
Wasner. CaFrSan. Busholman. Shotteu sio-
Va! % Frat co, Hogan 90. Laror;c and
mailman. TTo-base hlts-Speakci Lewis
iafdneE. Stephens, Sacrifice hi,t-Austln,.
WAGNER. sro!en oases-Enric. Carrigan t!j.
FIRST base on ba!ls-Or Hall. J.. OFF Brshei-
man. :. off Mitchell J. OF Brnwn =. 90
Lake. i OF Powell. 81 struck out--3y Pow
oil. .; hy Brown, /: ny Bushelmnn .. bv
hedient, Wild pitch-Bodient. Passed
ba!l--Cnfr!san.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
CHICAGO PUNCHES HITS

Philadelphia. May ,5.-Chlcaso punched
Hits of Brown to-day. and made &, two
straight from the Athletics ny a score Of
TO :. Three hits punched in the ninth saved
phe Champions from a shut olt. otherwise
walsh was unh!ttable Score:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
APPALACHIAN LEAGUE

At Bristol: Bristol, /; Cleveland. o.
Al Johnson City: Johnson City, ;;
Asheville. /.
~ Morristown: Morristown, 0: Knox
riilc. :.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
SOUTH ATLANTIC LEAGUE

At Jacksonville: JacksonviIle :.
Columbia. .
At Albany: Albany. g. Savannah. /.
Al Columbia: Columbia. 5; Macon,
g.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
THE TIMES DIsPArcH RICHMOND vA TUESDAY, MAY H. 1912
Yesterday sResults in IhreeBigLeagues
NATIONAL

Cincinnati. 2: Brooklyn. /.
Snicago: l; New York. 1 eight in
~. Louis. 4; Boston. B.
Pittsburgh philadelphia; rain.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
CINCINNATI WINS AT HOME

Cincinnati. o. May l3-Cincinnnti brnch
ca single base on balls and triple in
the fourth inning to-day. and this proved
enough to defeat Brooklyn TO i. Benton
Mos enectiVe with mon on bases while
keni was In fine form with the exception OF
The one inning Score; ~
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
UNITED STATES

Rlchmond-Was hington: wet grounds
ReadinS 4; New York. 5.
chicaNo. ): Cincinnati! !.
PittSburg h-Cleveland: rain.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
STANDING OF TIRE CLUBS.
WHERE THEY PLAY TODAY.
Richnorh ut Petersburg.
Roanoke mt Norfolk.
Portsmouth at Danvillc.
Newport News at IynchburE.
Especial to The T!mes-Dlspatch.)

TSPeCIaT 10 The 'T!Wes- UIspaIch-)
Petersburg. Va. MAY 13.-The Colts
pranced away from the Champs this
afternoon. and Bruckmillcr defeated
his old team In a gauie which was
marked by sensational fielding on the
parts of the Colts.
In the seventh inning the Champs
had runner on second ana third
base and two out. simmons hit "a
long drive To left centre which Flour
noy captured after q long run. fall
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
Cincinnati.
BROOKLYN.

summary; Runs-Mtcheu. Esan. S,nItn'
! nree -onse hii-Phclon. Lett on bases-,iin-
ninnHtt A. Brooklyn l. Double MAJ
J. ne ips to Toolcy. Struck out-Rv Rent3,
a. BY Kent. ;. Iit by pitcher-Bv Rome
:, IIme Of game. I:2?. Empires itle,, on[
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
pctToit.
New York.
Totals SO 10 .ir Totals e.. 50 ~ %
Dated for Works in sixth
tBatted for Covington In ninth.

FHatteH Tor NONlNRton Tn ninth.
Score by innings: n.
Detroit ...........loIio100 81
New YORK. 0 D . lis
Summary; Runs-Bush, Cobb. Delehanty.
Morarity Zinn t3l. Martin az. Dolan IS),
Cree. Tfartzeii. Simmons. Gardner. Vaughn.
Two-basc hits-Gerdner. linn. Dolan Three
base hits-I3ush. Moriarity, Stanase. Dolan.
Sacrifice hi;-Martin. stolen bases-Cobb
f2) Crawford, IIartzel to). simmons. Cree.
Doube plays-Mnrt.n TO Simmons; Martin
IN Gardner to simmons. Left on bases-De-
troit. * New York. II. First base on errors
--New York, =. Hi's-OT Works, In 3 in
ninP@: off PH-noll. In : innine. First base
on halls-on Vaughn. g; Of works. .: off
pornol .: off cov!ngton. .. Struck out-Dy
Vaughn. s: by Works. q: ny Covineton l.
Hit nv pitohor-By Works. 2: by Covington.
J VIVA pItch-Perroll. Covington. EMPIRES.
Westerrclt and O'Loughiin.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
Totals
New York.

heading ....-....... u o o o -
Summary: Two-basc hit-Mllliman.
Thrce-bas hits-Eibcl. Cook o..
Shcckard Sacrifice hit-Brouthcrs.
Stolen bases Frcyer, Double plays
Eibcl and Millimnn. Eases on balls
OF Millimau o; off Peterson. l. struck
by Milliman. g. Peterson. 10.
Passed ball-Brusgy. Umpire, Tone
Time 1910.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14

Newport News.

NO' y 14!II4II-a II.
Lynchburg . O2OOoO1o,-3
Newport News ... O00c000O 90
summary: stolen bascs--K ting
and Tenant sacrifice Intoxicating
and Nickery. Two-basc hits--Nixon
and Braun First base on errors
Newport News. Loft on bascs-Lynch-
hurs' =; Newport News. o. Double
plays-Vickery. Heating and Woolums
Howcn, Mcdonnell and Evans Hits
On Mi!ier. tn inning off Bowen, !
in inning. Struck out-By Vickery.
3; by Miller. j Bases On balls-By
Nickery, .: by Miller. .. Time of game,
1:3l. Umpire, Mcbride.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
NATIONALS BUNCH HITS

Washington. u e. May l3--Washinyton
punched hits on B!andlnB In the sixth in
Nins today and defeated Cleveland {. 10
ne batting Of Cash!on and Ryan :entusea.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
AMERICAN ASSOCIATION

At Notwithstanding. 5: Toledo ..
NJ Observation-Disclosures 3; In
dianapolis. ..
At Kansas Clty-Milwaukec, s
Kansas City, g.
At st. polls. 2; st. PAU
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
Totals ..........26 / >,
Chicago.
'alled end seventh. darkness.

tChIIed md seventh, darkness)
Cincinnati ......... 0loOOo0-l
Chicago .............. 20ll oOl-5
summary: stolen bascs-Waltcrs.
Hutton, Lynch, Armbrustcr. Cornell.
Two base INSTITUTION, Schall. Sacri-
flee hits-Walters co. Double plays
Schall TO Johnson to Hutton. Bases on
balis-Om Dashncr, . off Mcclure. ..
Struck out-By Dashner. 4; Mcclure.
!. Hit by pitcher-By Dashner (Lynchl
Umpire. Lindsay. Time. l:i5.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
STANDING OF THE CLUBS
WHERE THEY PLAY TODAY

boston at st. Louis
BROOKLYN at Cincinnati!
New York at Chicago.
Philadelphia at Pittsburgh.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
Philadelphia
'Battcd for Egan IN ninth.
TBaitcd for Brown In ninth.

Isf'IE
Chicago, s. First base on errors Chicago, :
Two-basc h!ts-E. Collins. j Collins, Barry
Callahan stolen basc-E Collins. Double
plnys-Bal:"r to r. Collins 30 McInnis.
Brown to Nclnnis to Baker. atruck out
BY frown. .; by Walsh. 6. First base on
Sails-on Brown. {; OF Walsh. !. I'll, by
pItcher-By Brown, 'Kuhn. zeider). Time
no,'N.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14

Washington.
g. NsNAts 80 % :. 80 tasta - ~ ~
Bhtted for I3nskcttc IN ninth
S.ns.

'Pcckinblush, shcrtsiop
tBhtted fof naskctto IN ninth.
score ny innings; r.
Washington ...................0 ioG5i -
Cleveland ............-.........o oil 0 81 80
summary: Runs-Foster tel Milan Cln-
bingham Cl. Flyru. Mcbride. Henry. walk
cr, Jackson. BirmlngHsm. Eusterly, Ryan
90, fcckiHbaush. Earned runs -Washins-
ton. . Cleveland First base On errors
Cleveland 3. Washington :. LEI. on bases
-Wash!nston. II. cleveland. r. First base
on bai!s-oT Walker. >. Off Blandinr 3: off
Baskeite. 3 Innings pitched-By Dlsnding.
8. by Baskettc. = Iits--OI Banding, 10:
on Baskettc >. struck out-Ry Bland!ug
3: hy Bnskei;. !: by Walker. {. Homo runs
MtIan tunn!nGhhm. Three-baSc hiis-nyRu
%. PccH!nbaugh. Iwo.base h!ts-Ca.hiou
~. Mcbride. Henry. Foster. Sacrifice hits
Mcbride. Peck!nbauEh. Jackson. Ryan
Hit by pitchcr-lsy walker, Jackson
Time OF game. 2:io. Umplres. rcrrlno ana
D.nccn.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14
AMERICAN

Washington. o; Cleveland. G.
Philadelphia. l: Chicago. 3.
Boston. Ia; st. Louis. ..
New York. Is: Detroit. 4.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1912-05-14

WASHINGTON at Richmond double
headerb.
Cleveland at Pittsburgh.
New York at Reading
tOther game not scheduled
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
Wonderful Riddles.

One of the greatest fiddles that ever
were known was to be seen at the
French court at the time of Charles
TX. This was a viol so large that sew
eral boys could be placed inside of it.
These boys used to sit inside this queer
instrument and sing the airs that the
man who handled the bow was play
ing on the viol outside. The effect is
said to have, been very beautiful.
though it would seem as If the pres
ence of the lads in its interior would
seriously interfere with the tone of the
"great fiddle" as it was called. Many
years after another huge instrument
Of this kind was used at concerts in
Boston. It was SO large that to play
It the fiddler had to stand on table
to use his bow at the proper point on
the strings. This instrument was call
ID ''the grandfather Of fiddles''
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
WHAT is DiRT7
New the Question Was Answsrsd BY .
Professor Of Chemistry.

bOow the Question Was Answsrsd BY .
Professor Of Chemistry.
An old college professor used to say
to his students: What Is dirt? Don't
b afraid Of little dirt, young gentle
man. What is dirt? Why, nothing at
all offensive when chemically viewed.
Rub little alkali upon that dirty
grease spot on your coat. and 1t under
goes chemical change and becomes
soap. Now rub it With a little water.
and It disappears. It is neither grease.
soap, water nor dirt. WI,
That Is not very Odorous pile OF
dirt you observe there. Well. scatter
Z little gypsum over 1t, and it is no
longer dirty. Everything you call dirt
d worthy of your notice as students
Of chemistry. Analyze it. analyze It!
II will all separate into very clear ele
nents.
"Dirt makes corn, corn makes bread
and meat, and that makes 4 very
sweet young lady that I saw one o.
You kissing last night. 80, after al,
you were kissing dirt. particularly II
she whitened her: skin with chalk sor
fuller,s earth. 1T Kill II; 81 " : =
There is no telling, young gentlemen.
what Is dirt, though I may say that
rubbing such stun upon the beautiful
skin Of a young lady is a dirty prac-
tce. Nice. pearly face powder Is made
of Misunderstanding but dirt" - Ex
change.
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
Whoro 9tarI;nas Brine Ruin.

Whore starlinos Bring Ruin.
In "Quiet Days In Spain," the au-
thor, c. b. Huffman, describes the raw
ages Of the starlings in a hacienda de-
voted to raising muscatel raisins near
Malaga:
dogs and goats are very fond of
grapes and are only kept of them b.
rural guards, but the greatest enemy
Of all is the starting. This bird flies
over from Africa in such millions as
literally to darken the earth. When
ever they camp for the night they
leave a desert. Every particle of fruit.
leaf, tender shoot and piece of soft
bark vanishes. AS the saying is,
Many crops spell various fortunes; one
crop Of starlings spells ruin The
blowing of southern wind and the
sound of wings in the air produces
panic, mems faces blanch with terror.
In despair, bells are rung, guns fired.
torches lighted. and donkeys, mules
and horses are galloped up and down
and round about to scare los bichos'-
the beasts-as they are termed"
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
Thumb Prints.

In the Argentine Republic the identi-
fication cards Of policemen, coachmen,
cab drivers, COMMISSIONERS and serv-
ants have since 1896 borne their finger
prints. Upon all passports and bank
receipts for deposits the imprint of the
thumb must be made at the time of de-
livery In Roumania since 1908 the
thumb print has been substituted fol
the cross made instead Of signature by
persons who cannot write. In the Phil.
ippine Islands those who cannot write
are not obliged to be identified by wit.
nesses at savings banks, but have to
make their mark with their thumb.
The same system has been used in
the banks Of Bengal for fifty years. In
France to put an end to the fraud of
enlistment, desertion and re-enlistment
for the bounty paid in the Foreign Lee
gion. every mans finger prints are tax,
en- and kept on file.
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
A Expensive Luxury.

~ 6APOusOsVO eONAs -
Richard Harding Davis, who knows
South America intimately, told at q
luncheon at the Philadelphia club .
South American story.
1.-THE Florida In Buenos Aires" he
said, '.is very elegant and charming,
but In the past the young men were
too prone to accost the beautiful WON
On shopping and promenading there.
Accordingly a law was passed which
imposed q fine Of $50 on any one who
should dare to accost or annoy In, the
slightest degree any lady in Buenos
Aires
Mr.. Davis paused.
'.Since the passage OF that law he
said solemnly. "the Florida has become
quite safe, but when beautiful wo-
man walks In it the young men hover
near her. murmuring in low and ardent
tones. Il wish had $50
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
~ Happy Paraphrass.

The retort courteous in the para
phrase ingenious has seldom had better
Illustration than in the story that after
the signing Of the treaty of Berlin Herr
Won Kiderlen- Waechter presented NJ.
Jules Cambon, with whom he had ne
gotiated the treaty, photograph bear
ing the inscription, To my amiable
friend and terrible enemy" To which
NJ. Cambon responded by presenting
his photograph inscribed, sTo my terri
BILE friend and amiable enemy
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
The First Railway Gauge.

An interesting story was told by one
Of George Stephenson's biographers re-
lating how the great engineer came to
adopt the four foot eight and q half
inch gauge for his railways. Some
time previous to the building Of his
Newcastle and Carlisle railway Ste
phenson had an opportunity Of inspect
ing some portion of an old Roman wall,
through which the chariots used to
be driven. Deep ruts made by the
chariot wheels were still visible, and
on measuring these he found their
distance apart to be as near as possible
four feet eight and half inches. Ste
phenson thereupon came to the conclu-
sion that If a world power like the
Romans had made such use Of the
measure for its chariots he could not
be wrong in adopting those measure.
ments as rule for his railway.
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
A Bit Of. English Humor.


An English humorist many years ago
hit upon neat way Of scoring against
certain politicians of the times. A
comic journal, not being q newspaper
within the meaning Of the act, was pro-
hibited from giving news. and 50 in
place of a parliamentary report the
humorist in question reported few
FIRST lines' from speeches by promi-
nent members: "Sir Charles Wetherell
said he was not sensible''- "Mr. Hunt
was entirely ignorant Lord Ashley
said he should take the earliest op-
portunity of moving 'Mr. Perceval
presented a petition praying"->"Colo-
mel Sibthorpe never could under
stand Lord Lyndhurst said he
must entreat of every one to give him
credit "Sir Edward Sugden was not
one of those who thought "Mr.
Croker said he had the fullest assur-
ance"-
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
MIXED WIVES.
The Dilemma That Mr.. Church Faced
and How He Mastered It.

The Dilemma That Mr.. Church Faced
and How He Mastered Il.
In the early part of the last century
there lived in an old New England
town a Mr.. Church. who in the course
Of his early life was bereft Of four
wives, all of whom were buried in the
same lot. ..... s....~.
In his old age it became necessary to
remove the remains to q new cemetery.
This he undertook himself, but in the
process the bones became hopelessly
mixed.
His "New England conscience" would
not allow him under the painful cir
cumstances to use the original head
stones, SO he procured new ones, one
Of which bore the following inscrip-
ton. t-. - .- @-
Here lies Hannah Church and prob
ably portion Of Emily"
Another: =.
Sacred to the memory Of Emily
Church, who seems to be mixed with
Matilda"
Then followed these lines:
Stranger, pause and drop q tear,
For Emily Church lies buried here.
Mixed in some perplexing manner
With Mary. Matilda and probably Han
nah.
Ill.,. ...... Exchange
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
Columbia River Thrie, Nance

Columbia River Thrice Named.
The Columbia river has had three
names. It was first called the Oregon.
Afterward it was called the st. Rogue,
but when it was discovered by Robert
Gray In 1872 it was given the name of
his vessel, the Columbia, in place Of
the two floating applications, Oregon
and st. Rogue. According to Whitney,
the original name Of the river was the
Orejon, big ear" or zone that has big
ears" the allusion being to the custom
Of the Indians who were found in its
region Of stretching their ears by Dor
ing them and crowding them with or
nAments ~ Is as
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
KEPT AN EYE ON THE HOUSE.
A Neighbor'y Act That Resulted In
Comedy Of Errors.

a Neighbor!y Act That Resulted In .
Comedy Of Errors.
A gentleman and his wife occupying
q villa in a London suburb asked a
neighbor to keep an eye on the place"
while they were away on their an.
nual holiday. The neighbor consented
and on the first night Of his caretak
Ing noticed light in the bedroom OF
the presumably unoccupied house and
saw the light, extinguished.
Accompanied by a policeman. the
neighbor made "a forcible entrance
through the scullery window, and quiet
" the two men made their way to the
bedroom. The light Of the constable's
bullseye disclosed the head of man
in bed, and the policeman promptly
drew his truncheon.
As promptly the occupant of the bed
sprang out, and a desperate struggle
began. simultaneously a lady dashed
across the room shrieking, threw open
the window and at considerable peril
Iclambered out A second constable,
passing at the moment, concluded thar
the lady was bent on suicide and, en-
tering the front garden, held himself
in readiness to catch the woman, who
appeared to be about to fling herself to
the ground. f& ,%
The neighbor, however, dragged the
lady back into the room, and then the
truth began to assert itself. The cap
|tured invader Of the empty house and
the escaping lady were the occupan.
and his wife, who had suddenly. chang
ed their holiday arrangements without
|informing their too vigilant neighbor.-
Iondon Globe.
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
A middle agec governsss on arriv1g

A middle aged governess on arriving
ut q new situation was formally 1n1Ds-
duced to the family, and the next nsEn
ing Master Tom," the hopeful e -
family, said to her, Miss Parker. a1s
you Leghorn or Cochin ChinaT' 'eW10
do you ask such an extraordinary Quas-
ton ?" she asked.
Because" answered the boy, II heanG
dad say to mummy after you left H.
room last night that you were no long
er q chicken"
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
In the Days Of His Youth.

Nervous Old Lady-There's no fear Of
your horse running away, is there?
Cabby-Not bit, mum. Nervous Old
Lady-He doesn't shy at motors. does
he? Cabby-Bless yer. no. Idly. Why.
e didn't even shy at railway trains
when they fust came in.-Londor Telc.
graph.
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
somstin,es They Are.

Little Sister-What are goose eggs In
q baseball game? Big Brother Innings
In which no runs are made. Why do
you ask? Little Sister-Oh, thought
they were laid by the fouls Of the
game. Chicago News.
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
Ais Best Bedroom.

An American physician says that
while in England he saw vadlted
tomb in London cemetery which had
the following inscription engraved on
the door: "Dr. John Gardeners Last
and Best Bedroom"
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
Not the Right Kind.

A young bachelor who was beset by
1 sewing machine agent told the latter
that his machine would not answer his
purpose. .
.sWhy," said the agent, with voluble
praise, ."it is the best on the market In
every respect"
'sThat may be- replied the supposed
customer. ..but the sewing machine !
am looking for must have daxen hair
and blue eyes" New York Journal.
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
0isconcOrtinu,

A prominent English clergymaD a0ea
congratulated an old lady on her ne9y-
cry In fighting her way to cAueA
against terrible tempest but received
the disconcerting reply. my huaha14
gets 30 crossgrained after meals tAae I.
have to get out of his way, % might
Al well go to church"
The weekly times-record. (Valley City, N.D.) 1912-1922, 1912-11-07
M;oht % Wore.

'sWhat's the trouble, old man? You.
look worried"
Il am. MY son wants to start 3
chicken farm"
''Oh, well, try to throw II of! He
might be wanting to buy or sell stun
o. margins. Chicago Record Herald.