davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

dark" volunteered another Of th@
crowd I don't know just what time
it vas, but II was Just before it began
to rain I remember, now, thinking Il
kind Of funny the Office was shut I'D
so early, but I didn't stop TO investi-
gate. III bet he wasn't here last night,
either"
It's burglars. that's what it is"
said an excited yOuugster. 'T saw
them at work. come along here last
night and there was a fash, ike from
q dark lantern. Right in there behind
the boxes. II was. They must been
at work then. III bet they killed him
and hid his body and made away with
all the money and stamps"
How many Of them were there?"
Did you see them ?"
What tine was it?'
Questions poured thick and fast on
the yoUngster, who evidently had told
all he knew and a little more. I took
advantage Of the Juror his story had
created to slip around to the rear of
the building, where I found self-ap-
pointed committee of citizens and the
constable guarding the door.
HAS anything been st0fen?" I
asked.
Not as far as we can discover, -
said the constable There amt no
disorder about the place and the safe
hasn't been busted, as far as I can
see. I amt made any regular inves-
tigation, being as this is government
property"
HAS no one any idea where the
postmaster isl" I asked.
That's just what we've been trying
to find out jim, here, as soon as we
found Rouser wasn't here, went up to
the Widow Smiths, where he boards
Thought maybe he'd just oversight or
something like that, or maybe was
sick. But Mrs Smith went up and
looked in his room and come down and
said he hadn't been home all night"
Yes interrupted jim, and what's
more, she said it was nothing unusual
for him not to come home. There was
lots and lots of nights recently when
he didn't show uD. She had no idea
where he spent his nights. She's
woman that minds her own business
and don't interfere none with her
boarders' goings and comings as long
as they pay their money regular"
What are you going to do about
keeping the office open?" I asked,
much puzzled over this new mystery.
How I wished for Davis! Mystery
seemed to be piling on mystery with
every step took. Beyond the one
conviction I had that Hugh CrandaI
was in some way to blame for it all,
saw nothing that would help me in my
undertaking.
We've arranged about that. We've
sent for Jennie Cox to come over and
take charge. She always takes hold
when Charlie ROuser wants to take
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
A DOCTORS SLEEP
Found He Had to Leave Off Coffee.

Many persons do not realize that a
bad stomach will cause insomnia.
Coffee and tea drinking being such
an ancient and respectable form Of
habit, few realize that the drug-caf-
feine-contained in coffee and tea, Is
one Of the principal causes of dys-
pepsia and nervous troubles.
Without their usual portion Of cof-
fee or tea, the caffeine topers are
nervous, irritable and fretful. That's
the way with a whisky drinker He
has got to have his dram TO settle his
nerves"-habit.
To leave off coffee or tea is an easy
matter if you want to try #, because
Postum gives a gentle but natural
support to the nerves and does not
contain any drug-nothing but food.
Physicians know this 10 be true, as
one from Ga. writes:
Il have cured myself Of a long
standing case Of Nervous Dyspepsia
by leaving off coffee and using Post
um,'' says the doctor.
Il also enjoy refreshing sleep, TO
4
20 years.
In treating dyspepsia in its various
types, / find little trouble when I can
induce patients to quit coffee and
adopt Postum"
The Dr.. is right and there's a
reason" Read the little book, The
Road to WellvilIe,' in pkgs.
Postum now comes in concentrated,
powder form called Instant Postum.
It is prepared by stirring a level tea
spoonful in a cup Of hot water, adding
sugar to taste, and enough cream to
bring the color to golden brown.
Instant Postum is convenient;
there's no waste; and the favour is
always uniform. Sold by grocers-50-
cup tin 90 cts, 100-cup tin 50 cts.
A Soup trial tin mailed for grocer's
name and 2-cent stamp for postage.
Postum Cereal Co., Ltd, Battle Creek.
Mich.-AdV
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
Commitments,

John Drew, the eminent actor, at
the age of SO looks no more than So.
CompIimented on this fact, Mr.. Drew
said:
Il try to keep my hair on and my
stomach off-that is the true secret
Of perennial youth"
Then he told. one of his famous sto-
ries illustrative of his horror of cor
pulence.
"A fat man." he said, could not
help laughing one day at the ludicrous
appearance of 2 very bow-legged chap
one of those arch-looking chaps,
you know.
Though a total stranger to him,
the fat man slapped the bow-legged
chap on the back and said:
By lingo, brother, you look as II
you'd been riding a barrel
The bow-legged man smiled and
poked his forefnger deep into the fat
mans soft, loose stomach.
And you look as if you'd been
swallowing one he said"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
THAT BALKAN MESS.

George dear, what's all this Balkan
trouble that takes up so much room
in the papers ?"
I don't believe you could under
stand it. my love. You see, it's large
ly political, and diplomatic, and-and
abstTuse"
How is it political, George?"
That's hard to explain"
And how is it diplomatiC?"
That's still more complicated"
And why abstruse?"
That's the hardest of ALL
Il thought so, dear. You know
nothing about it. And now because
you're a busy man and haven't time
for foreign news, I'm going TO explain
the whole Balkan situation to you.
You see, it was at best-good gracious,
he's asleep!"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
vlctInlzed French Government.


The European spy mania is likely to
reach the reductio ad absurdum if
there are many imitators of the in
genuity Of a certain Herr Glitch, who
has succeeded in victimizing the
French government to the tune of sew
eraI thousand dollars. The resource
full Glitch has a considerable knOwi-
edge of military tactics, sufficient to
enable him to prepare an assortment
of plans for the invasion of the French
frontier and to give them the neces-
saTy professional tint. These he sent
to the French government with a
hard luck letter about gambling debts
and the pressing need for money By
return mail came a letter enclosing
$4,000 in bank notes and request for
as much more of the same kind of in
formation as could be procured.
Glitch put the money in his pocket
and laughed Moreover, he told every
one why he was laughing, so that they
also might laugh But there were no
corresponding sounds of reyelry from
Paris.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

him, and bless my soul if there was
hide or hair of him to be seen any
where. Looking through the boxes,
could see that the back door was
standing open, and went around
there and looked, and l couldn't see
anything of him. either. It didn't seem
right for the mail to be lying out there
on the sidewalk, twas like taking IN
due liberty with government property,
so I dragged the sack around and flung
it in the door and went looking for the
constable. Then I heard about the sui
eide and the inquest down to the hotel,
so I went down there to fetch him,
and all the crowd that had been down
to the inquest come trailing along"
4 noticed when come along here
last night that the post Office was
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
MADE HIM SOMEWHAT TIRED
Nose Had Good Excuse for Wishing
to Be Rid of the Company of
Sam jackson.

"'Twan't all account O. dat yaller
gal, Saliny," explained Nose, talking
with difficulty through the bandages
that swathed his face.
q goes out walking wild her and
along comes dat Sam Jackson, what
she's been keeping company with
WidOut saying a word dat man comes
over and busts me in the mouf. No
sooner did I get up dan, BAN! He
lands on my LET year and over I goes
again.
After that he hit me in this year
and then in the other one; and
stomped on me while I was down.
When I got up and began to run he
followed, kicking me every yuther
step.
4 never got so tired Of a cullud
man in all my life!"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
Views of the Tipoers.

why is it, asked the curious guest,
that poor men usually give larger
tips than rich menu"
We'll, sub" said the waiter, who
was something of a philosopher as
well, looks to me like de po' man
don't want nobody to find out he's
20. and de rich man don't want no
body to find out he's rich. Youth 5
Companion.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
Effect Of Thunder on Food.

The problem of the curdling Of milk
and the rapid putrefaction of meat
during thunderstorms is an old one,
but it does not seem to have been sat
isfactoriIy solved Artificial electrical
fields. as lately tried by Prof. A. Tril-
lat at the Pasteur institute, Paris,
seem to have no effect on either milk
or meat. The lowering of atmospher-
ic tension following thunderstorm,
however. has been found to bring
about the emanation of gases from the
soil. and these probably aid decom-
position and the growth of putrefac-
tive organisms. This is suggested as a
possible explanation also Of the in
crease Of epidemic diseases and the
turn for the worse of large wounds
during the period of.low barometer.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

the Oldest actor in Europe, and the
one who has played longest at one and
the same theater. He appeared in
the evening as Falstaf in Henry
"" one of his most famous roles, and
received tremendous ovation, in re-.
turn for which he delivered a short
speech Of thanks. The Emperor of
Austria, who is two years Baumeister's
junior, sent him a special message of
congratulation and promised a pen
sion for life to his wife, comDara-
lively young woman, whom the aged
actor married only two years ago.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
Overcominu Insomnia.

One hears frequent complaints OF
insomnia from persons who tell in
the next breath that they have slept
from four to five hours but who think
that in order to maintain perfect
health eight or nine hours Of sleep
are necessary. As a matter of fact,
there are periods in everyOne's life
when health is so abundant that five
hours, and, in exceptional cases, four
hours sleep are ample. Persons who
sleep for FIVE hours and no longer
are not suffering from insomnia. They
are enjoying exceptional bodily health.
But the entire five hours must be
devoted to sound sleep, or other
wise the body will not be sufficiently
rested.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
= Ez95 ESg Er-T7CgSSAS %
8 !
Gathered Smiles
Chinese PcIitaness.

Etiquette requires in Chinese con
veTsatiOn that each should compliment
the other and depreciate himself and
all his belongings. A missionary who
has just returned heard the following
conversation:
What is your honorable name?"
My Insignificant apDellation is Ying
Su."
Where is your magnificent palace >"
My contemplate shack is at Lung
Pi."
How many are your nlustrious
children"
I have five vile, worthless brats."
And is your distinguished wife en-.
joying good health?"
The old hen is pretty we'll
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
SYNOPSIS

Harding Kent calls on Louise Parrish to
propose marriage and finds the house in
great excitement over the attempted sui
eide Of her sister Katharine. Kent starts
ah investigation and finds that Hugh
randall. sutton for Katharine, who had
peeu forbidden the house By General Far
rish, had talked with Katharine over the
telephone just before she shot herself
torn piece OF yellow paper IS found.
at sight Of which General Parrish IS
stricken with paralysis. Kent discovers
mat Crandal has left town hurriedly.
Andrew Elser, an aged banker. commits
suicide about the same time as Katharine
attempted her life. A yellow envelope is
found in Elser's room. Post office In
spector Davis, Kent's friend. takes up
me case. Kent is convinced that Gran
4al If At the bottom Of the mystery.
Eafharine's strange OutCry puzzles the
detectives. Kent and Davis search Gran
tolls room and find an address. Lock
Fox II Ardway, n. J. Kent goes to Ard
way TO investigate and becomes suspi-
#107 Of Henry Cook" woman
nIts suicide at the Ardway Hotel s
..gW letter also figures in this case
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

Doctors are Of one mind in advo-
eating walking as one Of the hast
means OF keeping the human machine
in good working order, and one Of
New York's foremost medical author
tiles went as far as to say, in a lee
ture to young men studying for the
profession, that If every adult could
be persuaded to make a conscientious
habit Of walking five miles every day.
there would be such prompt and gen
eral Improvement in health that doc
tors would soon have to be looking
for other ways of making a living.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
A BARGAIN Offer

Comm this way ag'in?" asked the
justice of the peace, after he had fined
Jimpson $50.
I'm afraid I'll have to-" said limp
son ruefuIly.
''Wa-al," said the justice, stroking
his chin whisker reAectively, perhaps
I'd oughter tell We thet we sell a re,
turn fine ticket for SIS, entitlin' We to
immunerty from arrest on the way
back."-Judge.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
Millions of Req Cross Seals on Sale

Millions of Req Cross Seals on Sale.
Over S0,000,000 Red Cross Christ
mas seals are now on sale in almost
every large city and nearly every
state in the United States. The pro-
ceeds go for the benefit Of the anti
tuberculosis movement in the commu-
nifty where the seals are sold So
carefully has the sale been organized
throughout the country that with the
exception Of the states of Florida,
Oklahoma, Nevada and Idaho, Red
Cross seals viii be on sale in almost
every city, town, village and hamlet
in the United States and even in
Hawaii. Porto Rico and the Canal
Zone.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

Kidney Pills the swelling disappear
ed and he felt himself again. He says
he has been benefited and blessed by
the use Of Dodds Kidney Pills. Sew
eral months later he wrote: I have
not changed my faith in your remedy
since the above statement was author
lied. Correspond with Rev. e. Hes
lop about this wonderful remedy.
Dodds Kidney Pills, SOC. per box at
your dealer or Dodds Medicine Co.
Buffalo, N. Y. Write for Household
Hints, also music of National Anthem
English and German Words and re-
cipes for dainty dishes. All sent free.
Adv.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

day or a halliday Off She knows the
combination of the safe and the money.
drawer, and has been sworn in as spe-
cial assistant. She'll know what to dc
and who to notify"
1T may interest you to know that
Post Office Inspector Davis will be out
here tonight" I told them. q left
him in New York last night, and he
promised to join me here"
Suspicion flashed into the faces of
all my auditors.
CTO BE CONTINUFDN
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
An EXCLAMATION.

The steamboat came spIashing along
her course at full speed, and the first
thing the passengers knew had crash
ed head on into the pier
Mercy" cried a passenger, as the
bow crashed and the splinters flew. 81
wonder what is the matter?"
"Nothin +" said Pat, one of the deck
hands. "Nothin', ma'am-ut looks to
me as If the captain just forgot that
we shtop here. "-Harper's Weekly.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
hctor Holds Two Pscnrds

Herr Bernhard Baumeister has just
celebrated the siZtieth anniversary Of
MS joining the Imperial Court theater
OF Vienna This is believed to be a
record for any player, and as Baum
eister is now 81 years old, and still
plays regularly on the same stage. he
holds the double distinction of being
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
One of His Worst.

The Doctor-Did you hear about
that Methodist preachers daughter
down south who turned sleuth, hunt
ed up the pickpocket who had robbed
her of her purse, and finally landed
him in the penitentiary? The Profes-
sor-Good for her! She was an NJ.
E. sis, with a vengeance.-Chicago
Tribune.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
Competent.

Garside-Women ought not to be al
lowed to vote. Could woman sit on
a jury?
Hillside-Could she? A woman like
my wife could sit on the jury and the
judge and the lawyers and the whole
department Of justice, if she took the
notion.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
in a Critical Mood,

Miss Screecher has a very good
singing voice"
What does she use it for?"
why, singing, of course"
Well, 1 heard her once, and if she
has a good singing voice it is my
opinion that she must use it for some
other purpose"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

Spratts-l1iss Elder is much older
than I thought
HunkeT-Impossib
SDratts-Well, I asked her if she
had read Aesops fables, and she said
she read them when they first came
out.-HOme Journal.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
One of His Worst,

The Doctor-Did you hear about
that Methodist preachers daughter
down south who turned sleuth, hunted
up the pickpocket who had robbed
her Of her purse, and finally landed
him in the pentttentiary?
The Professor-Good for her, She
was an NJ. z. sis, with a vengeance.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

DCetor-Madam, your husband must
have absolute rest.
Mrs. Chatt-Well, doctor. he won
listen to me.
Doctor very good beginning,
madam, a very good beginning"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

kit, wish could fall heir to a mil
lion dollars! In that case I think you d
marry me"
How strange it is. George. that so
beautiful a wish can be the father TO
such an ugly thought"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
What She Gained.

Hub-WelI do you think you've
gained anything from your two weeks
in the country?
Wife-Indeed, yes. I've learned
more about the different brands of
canned goods than could pick up in
2 year At home.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
The DiEArenre

Bings-I see a woman has been
cured Of rheumatism by a stroke of
lightning.
Jings-Yes, and the case differs
from so many surgical operations an
nounced as perfectly successful in
that the patient is still aIive.-Judge
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
Gear TaIkD EfTcacfous.

Bear talk" was always considered
good medicine" by the Indians. L
q bear blocked their path they ID.
dressed him politely, reminding hju
of their common brotherhood, pTais-
ing his nobility and requesting hin
kindly to allow them an unmOIeste6
passage. This, il is said, he frequent
Iy did, for, being by nature inoffensive
the soft accents did net disturb him
and so he would go on his way.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

why is it that your son cant hold
a job? Is he lazy?"
Well, perhaps not exactly that; but
I think it may be safe to say that he
is conservative in the matter Of
earning his living"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
Scholastic Flippancy.

"And now" continued the professor
of history, permit me to mention a
tireless worker in the great cause Of
humanity"
"AttfreIess worker?" interrupted
one of the seniors; pardon me, pro-
fessor, but if you are referring to
Lady Godiva, she was attired in her
Iuxuriant hair"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
After That.

q despise fattery," she said.
"Of course you do" he replied. $50
does every other girl who is beauti-
full"
q am glad you have the same feel
ing that I have about it. have never
met a handsome, sensible man who
didn't feel that way"
After that the evening became IN
usually pleasant.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

Have you anything laid by for a
rainy day, AIr. BOokly?"
Indeed I havel It's one Of the
best novels written in a decade and I
can hardly wait till it rains"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

ing, was dizzy
and exhausted at
the least exer-
ton. Hands and
feet were cold
and he had such
a dragging sensa-
ton across the
loins that it was
difficult to move.
After using 5
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

There goes man who is a liar,
a thief and dOuble-dyed villain
Evidently you can't say anything
good about him"
ooh, yes I can. He's never been
known to take a straw vote"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
EMrn0.

I'm through sympathizing with the
under dog from this time on" said
little Binks, Tuefully.
"Oh, now, Btnksy." protested Dork-
ms
Yes, an" said Binks. q just
tried to help a dachshund out of a row
with bulldog and the beastly little
cuss bit me"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
An Excep option.

mo news is good news"
ooh, I don't know. Were you ever
walked out of a sound sleep in the mid
die Of the night to answer the teIe-
phone only to have the girl tell you
she had called you by mistaken"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
Oh, for That Money Now.

The money spent beside the sea
Brought freckIes In a swarm;
But now It's the cold winter time
And they won't keep her warm.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
RerinSinr Him.

Peck-You will never get the dog to
mind you, my dear.
Mrs. Peck viii with patience. You
were just as troublesome yourself at
arz+
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
PAINFULLY True.

when he was younger a fortune
teller predicted that a great future
was in store for him"
Did the prediction come true?"
Yes, but we didn't know at the
time how the fortune teller spelled
the word great He's been peering
through a steel grating now for near,
ly five years"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

Judge-Go out ana arrest that man
for speeding.
ConstabIe-But, his car has broken
down, and he's trying to fix it
Judge-Then 60 out and arrest him
for obstructing the highway.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05

DO you take any stock in the Oar
winian theory?"
No; there's too much monkey bus
mess about it.-Woman's Home Com
panion.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
Easily Answered

Speaker-Why are so many men in
prison today?
Hearer-Because they. can't get out.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1912-12-05
And Very Quickly.

The building Of airships is bound
always to be q success in one way
What's that?"
1t makes the money Nv