davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Dump Munitions of War Into the Sea

pearl handles and gem screw sets.
Others were mere toy, blank cartridge
pistols of the Fourth of July sort that
sell for fifty cents.
Then there were rifles-over a hun
dred, valued at something like $4,000.
Some of these had deliberately hand
carved black walnut butts, and II
placed on exhibition at the Sports
mans Show would make many a
crack shot envious of the deep blue
sea that was their final resting place.
A sword, with a history running
back to pr%e-revolution days, was
among the lot. 1t was taken from an
east slider who ran amuck one day and
tried to prove his steel was better
than the proverbial n of Bunker
Hill.
He didn't go very far in the battle,
but having lost his valuable sword
failed to it again, though he
used almost enough political influence
as would have elected some men to
aldermanic office. Along with this
steel will go several can swords and
sailors ~cutlasses.
From these high grade weapons the
list jumps to everything from a slung
shot to pieces of gas pipe. OF these
miscellanae there was almost a wagon
load.
While the police department would
liked to have equipped its men with
new revolvers from the collection. it
was impossible under the law, be-
cause the act says every weapon con-
fiscated must be destroyed.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
GETS EVEN WITH BLACKBURNE
Umpire Jack Sheridan's Quick Retort
EHectualiy Squelches Injured
White Sox Player.

Russell Blackburne fell a victim to
an injury about the time that Umpire
Jack Sheridan began having trouble
with his eyes. Sheridan's case had
been diagnosed by an eye specialist.
while Blackburne's physician had ad-
vised an operation on his knee. While
unable to play, Blackburne was trying
to earn his salary and was sem out to
coach. Sheridan was working the
bases and a number of close decisions
had gone. against the Sox on the paths
early in the game. Blackburne want
ed to impress the crowd with the fact
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
GINGER WILL ATTRACT COIN
"SiIk" O%'LoughIin Is Strong Advocate
of Speed in All Games of Amuse-
ment-Games Too Slow.


Silk OLoughlin, the American
league umpire, is a strong advocate
of speed. He says the games are be-
coming too slow and he blames the
players. In discussing the fault the
noted diamond judge said yesterday:
Put ginger into any public amuse-
ment and you'll attract and delight
patrons who pay their money at the
box Office. A lively act in vaudeville
OF a snappy play will crowd a theater
any time. A scientific, swiftly moving
boxer will command big money at a
boxing club because people will pay
more to see him spar than a clumsy
slugger. Baseball is the same.
Speedy playing is essential toward
keeping up the interest. If the games
are allowed to drag the fans grow
tired and lose interest.
I've always maintained that be-
tween innings the players going to
and from the benches should be made
to hurry. 1t looks better than to see
them SLOUGH to their positions. When
the American league was organized
the games were played so rapidly that
there was too much hurry and hustle.
Games were frequently played in one
hour and Is minutes aud l really be-
lieve a majority of the fans were sat
isfied. But in recent years the play
ers themselves have adopted slothful
methods with the result that the
games are again too long.
Much time is wasted by the bat
teries. The spitball pitchers consume
most of it by ~moistening their fingers
and preparing to take aim. Then again
some of them can't make out the
signs given by the catchers. In such
cases the pitchers stand still, looking
at the backstop's fingers as they in
dictate the signs in the hollow of the
mitts. If they don't understand. the
pitchers shake their heads and in
many cases go up neal the plate to
hold confabs, when as a matter OF
fact the field umpire and the intield-
ers can see the signs as plain as day"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
COFFEE HURTS
One in Three.

1t is difficult to make people believe
that coffee is a poison to at least one
person out of every three, but people
are slowly finding it out, although
thousands of them suffer terribly be-
fore they discover the fact.
A New York hotel man says: Each
time after drinking coffee l became
restless, nervous and excited, so that 1
was unable to sit five minutes in one
place, was also inclined to vomit and
suffer from loss of sleep. which got
worse and worse.
"a lady said that perhaps coffee vas
the cause of my trouble, and suggested
that try Postum. l laughed at the
thought that coffee hurt me, but she
insisted so hard that I finally had
some Postum made. I have been US
ing it in place of coffee ever since, for
/ noticed that all my former nervous
ness and irritation disappeared. | be-
gan to sleep perfectly, and the Postum
tasted as good or better than the old
coffee, so what was the use of stick.
ing to a beverage that was injuring
me?
"One day on an excursion up the
country l remarked to a young lady
friend on her greatly improved appear
ance. She explained that some time
before she had quit using coffee and
taken to Postum. She had gained q
number of pounds and her former pal
pitation of the heart, humming in the
ears, trembling of the hands and legs
and other disagreeable feelings had
disappeared. She recommended me to
quit coffee and take Postum and was
very much surprised to find that l had
already made the change.
"She said her brother had also re-
ceived great benefits from leaving on
coffee and taking on Postum There's
a reason"
Ever read the above Ietterf A new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true, and full Of humsn
interest.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
PRESENCE OF MIND.

There are symptoms of panic in the
theater.
A big man in the front roy arises.
"Sit down." he roars. There is no
danger! Sit down."
The stampeding audience stops.
turns, and faces him.
sit down." he orders.
The people obediently sit down.
81 will go to the entrance and show
you there is no danger whatever" the
big mar says.
He strolls along the aisle, reaches
the exit, and rushes out.
That's what l call presence OF
mind" he tells himself. 81 could
have got out of there if l hadn't
stopped that panic"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Wants of Manaoers.

Callahan is not alone in his wants.
Chance wants a second Brown and
the old one too if he can coax Nor
decai back to the fold. Then there
are others. Clark, Griffith wants a
second Walter Johnson. McGraw
wants a second Mathewson and Harry
Davis wants a second Vean Gregg.
At least they wouldn't pass sucn play
ers up if they found them around
handy.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19

DENVER, Golf James w. Ponder
II had not been so conscientious he
would not have been a prisoner here.
He was arrested on complaint of his
wife, who accuses him of carrying out
TOO literally an agreement he had
made with her in court when she was
granted a decree of divorce from him.
This agreement was really Ponder's
WI idea, and it was to eliminate the
Rlimony idea and to make an equal
division of the property owned by the
fouple. This seemed fair to the wo-
man and she signed the agreement.
Neighbors were called in to witness
the division. First the furniture was
shared. The parlor furnishings were
separated with care, and when Ponder
received a kitchen chair with a broken
leg Mrs. Ponder took three cracked
coffee cups to equalize matters.
Everything in the house was shared
without any trouble, and then the
barn vas visited. First the flock of
chickens was shared, and then the
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Doubt Mccuire,s Ability.

When Hughie Jennings signed Jim
MCGUIRE as coach and scout for the
Detroit Tigers he made a hit with the
home fans in that city, but it is a
question whether Mcclure can tip the
Tiger pitchers off on the weaknesses
at bat of Nap Lajoie and Joe Jackson.
Many deluded ball players have
thought they had Larry's weakness in
days that are gone and lived to dis
cover their mistake.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Altogether 100 Late Now.

A lady who was anxious to obtain a
good general servant applied at an
intelligence office and was assured by
the proprietor that she had just the
person to suit. A raw-boned Irish
woman some fifty years Of age came
forward.
We'll" said the lady, after a short
conversation, 4 would be very glad
to engage you, but"
But what, pray?"
well, you see 1 wanted one who IS
who is rather younger"
AN indade!" exclaimed the woman,
folding her arms and glaring indig-
nantly, cts a pity the good Lord
didn't make me in the yare to suit
your convenience"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19

NOTES.

AlLlelud, the CUBAN prayer on Hank
O'Day's team, is likely to get his walk
ing papers.
The veteran Brooklyn battery,
Pitcher Bell and Catcher Bergen, will
perform the coming season for Joe
McGinnity's Newark team.
Fort Smith failed to come up with
it's forfeit in the new Oklahoma State
league, and the franchise has been
awarded to a town named H~oldenville.
Before offering the Indian Smith to
Louisville, Manager Chance of the
Cubs rendered him to New Orleans,
but Charley Frank could not see him.
Manager B~resnahan wants to trade
Mike Mowrey, the hold-out, as he be-
lieves Harry Steinfeldt has come
back" and can take care of third base.
The Chillicothe CO., club has
signed Harry Mccall, last year with
Marion, for first base, and Orlando
Keller, last year with Erie, for third
base.
Dan Brown, an outfielder picked up
from the Tidewater league for the
New York Americans last fall by
Scout Irwin, has been turned over to
Bridgeport.
Jack Reidy, last year at Macon,
failed to come to terms with Cleve-
land, Tenn, and Zimonsky will as a
consequence be retained as manager
of the Appalachian league team.
Pitcher Johnny Bosk, who was hit
on the head by a pitched ball last
season and so badly hurt he decided
to quit the game, has reconsidered
and signed his contract with Utica.
Manager Mike Kelly of St. Paul
failed to make any deals as a result
of his visit to the major league camps
at Hot Springs, but has hopes of land
ing something to bolster his Saints.
Bert Delmas, for five years short
stop on the Los Angeles team, has
quit the game and will this year act
as manager-captain Of the independent
team at Modesto, Cal, his home town.
Bill Cristall, the veteran southpaw
slant dispenser, has signed with the
Holyoke club of the Connecticut
league. Cr1stall has forSaken the
mound, his arm having lost speed, and
will try for the outf1eld.
Memphis, which thought it had Sc
cured Catcher Tonneman from the
Boston Americans, when the New
York club refused to waive, has now
purchased him from Wolverton, pay.
ing the waiver price of $1,000.
The Rochester champions of the IN
ternational league-or is it of tie
Eastern?-will raise their ennan on
June 6, with Buffalo as the visiting
team.
Garry Hermann, it is announced,
has quit the political game in Cincin-
natl and will devote his time to base
ball, newspapers and theaters, with
the Elks as a side line.
This young pitcher of McGraw's,
Pfeifer Fullenwinder, is said to have
a slow ball that is such a loafer in
coming to the plate that he is likely
to be fined any time he Uses it for
delaying the game.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19

Out Of the goodness of his heart
Manager Bresnahan opened the gates
of his training camp to two would-be
come-backs this spring and there is
a prospect that the bread cast upon
the waters may be returned to him,
for both Bob Ewing and Harry Stein
feldt are said to be giving indications
of real worth. Bresnahan can use a
good, steady pitcher like Ewing and
Steinfeldt's presence was calculated
to have a good effect on the holdout
Mowrey if nothing else. Steinfeldt,
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Poets Without Honor.

Look here: How did these rhymes
about Washington get in the paper?
DO you mean the poem by William
Cullen Bryant?"
That's the one. Didn't l distinctly
tell you not to use any more of the
amateur stuff"
Yes. Have you read it,"
me! Read it! What for? And
look here, if there's anything to pay
this nan Bryant for the dope it's got
to come out of your pocket, mind
that"
That's all right. I'll stand it."
And the wheels resumed revolving
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
A SIGN of Old Ace.

"It seems to me that Worthington
has been growing old rapidly during
the past few years"
Yes, his hair is becoming rather
gray"
1T isn't his hair that makes him
seem old to me. A man may have
gray hair and still be young in spirit;
but Worthington has reached the
point in life where he car look at a
r~osy-cheeked girl and refer to her as
a healthy young animal instead of
calling her an angel"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
HIGHLANDERS SECURE A STAR
Long George" Mcconnell Returns to
New York After Making Excellent
Record With Rochester.

When the campaign Of 1911 was
about to begin the Highlanders' twirl-
ing corps was heralded far and wide
as the best in the land. However, as
the fans well know, only at times did
the pitchers perform up to their abil-
1ty. Notwithstanding the poor show
ing of the boxmen, there can be no
gainsaying that the staff turned over
to Harry Wolverton has few superb
ors in either major league. Perhaps,
next to Ford and Caldwell, the pitcher
on Wolverton's staff who looms I'D
most formidably is Long George" Nc
Cornell. Mcconnell has not been
touted as highly as Marty O'Toole,
Buck O'Brien and other phenoms, but
If records count for anything McCon-
nell was the best pitcher graduated
to the majors last season. Mcconnell.
more than any other man on the Roch-
ester payroll, was responsible for Gan
eel team winning its third consecu-
tive pennant. With a team last in
club fielding, Mcconnell made the re-
markable record of winning thirty out
of thirty-nine games, losing eight and
tying one. He was the only consist
ent pitcher of whom Camel could
boast last season. New York fans
remember Mcconnell as the lanky six
footer who played first base for the
Hillmen in 1909, when Chase was re-
covering from smallpox. Mcconnell,
as a pitcher, was hopeless with men
on the bases. As long as George
could keep the opposition from hit
ting, all was well, but when the bases
became damned it was good night.
Stallings, who managed the Kilties in
1909, shipped the big fellow to Roch-
ester, where he was Cancels main.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Dubuc Is Hioh Brow.

The real high brow of the Detroit
Tigers is Pitcher John Dubuc. John
the better ball he could pitch, and
with his pitching glove under his wing
he started for the "rah rah" works.
In going to college John surely show
ed major league speed. Before he
landed in the big show he had at
tended st. Michael's college, BurIing-
ton, VT; Holy Cross college, Wor-
c%ester, Mass; Fordham college, New
York, inc Notre Dame university.
South Bend, Ind.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
To Keep On in the Old Way.

A fond father who had an unexpect-
ed windfall and wanted to do some
thing extra fol his son and heir went
into a hardware store and inquired
the price of ba III tubs for babies. He
was shown sel eral, and finally select
ed the only one which he thought good
enough for his little paragon. THAT"
said the sales nan, will cost you
$3.75." Gee V'ilik;ns!" exclaimed the
MAJ. We'll, IL that's so l guess we'll
have to &c on flashing the kid in the
coal scuttle."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Russell

that he was in the game every minute
so when Sheridan gave an unusually
close decision against the team he
yelled loudly: That eye specialist
made a mistake. Jack, when he look
ed you over. He should have pro-
nounced you stone blind" Coming
from a recruit this was not relished
by Sheridan, but quick as a flash he
retorted: yes, and if that surgeon
knows his business he will operate on
your head instead of your knee" And
Blackburne hiked to the bench as fast
as his lame knee would let him.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19

however, believes he can be more than
a catspaw. He was i'll last season
after his release By Chicago, but a
rest during the winter has made him
we'll again, and he is eager to stay in
the game. He may at least win a
utility berth with the Cardinals. Ew-
ing says there was nothing really
wrong with him in his last engage
ment with Philadelphia, except that
Doom would not give him a chance to
work, and, of course, he also wants to
stay and prove it.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Life of the Soil.

The soil may be said to be alive. II
Is a matrix supporting various groups
of definite heterogeneous. and the
investigations of the past few Gears
indicate the possibility of determining
by archaeological diagnoses the crop
producing capacities of different soils.
1t has been shown by the action of
nitrifying bacteria, especially in sam
pies of soil, correlates fairly well with
the productiveness of the same soils
under field conditions. = H~arper's
Weekly.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
JENNINGS as a Kidder.

Hughie Jennings of the Tigers is
some kidder. A travelling man down
in Monroe saw Jennings. He knew
Hughie very well. Say, what is Ty
Cobb, a pitcher or a shortstop?'
asked the inquisitiye I. M. Neither
returned Hughie, hes a catcher
"Oh, that's all right said the 7. M
81 remember seeing his catching in
New Orleans last year"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
ONLY Live Ones Wanted.

John M. Ward, head of the Boston
Nationals, and Clark Griffith, head of
the Washington Senators, can shake
hands over the proposition. Both Of
them have declared themselves against
making Boston end Washington the
dumping grounds Of the other clrbs
in the league. Only live ball players
can be disposed of to these two ciaos
in the future.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
G3R 8ms ~!
Confidential.

Little WILHELM. Jones, do you Ike
lemon pie?
Casual Visitor-Yes, Willie.
Little Willie (anxiously)-You don't
like 1t very much do you?
Casual Visitor (surprised)-Why do
you ask, Willie?
Little Willie-Because we've got it
for dessert and mas afraid you'll want
a second help.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
A cnncrete Examnle

Dodds-As one grows older there
are certain things in which it Is diff
fcult to keep up ones interest. Don't
you find it so?
Observation-Disclosures the mort
gage on my house, for example.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19

stay. International league managers
now say that Long George" has thor
oughly cured himself of his weakness
with men on the bases, and predict
big things for him this season. Nc
Connell's usefulness is not confined to
the hurting hill. He is a handy man
with the bat, hitting .2SS last season,
which is no mean figure for a boxman.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19

Shafer, a Giant recruit, is said to
have laid down Il bunt and galloped to
first base in three seconds. This Is
one-fifth second better than the rec
ord held by Jim Austin. Only one
raan held the watch, SO the record
made by Shafer w.ll be doubted by
many.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
What She Wanted.

Before the fire on Christmas eve.
two old maids were planning for the
holiday.
SISTER Mallie," said the younger.
would a long stocking hold all you
want for a Christmas gift?"
mo, Elvira," said the older, "but .
pair of socks would
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Maxine Use of Him,

Ruffon Wratz lin box car)-Naw!
I didn't git half a nights sleep. How
d'you s'pose l could sleep when you
had yer cold feet in tn small O my
back all night long!
Saymold Storey-Them wuzn't my
frosted turnips l wuz thawin' out.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
As He Saw IL.

Mother Ito Willy, who has been in
mischief)-You ought to be ashamed
of yourself.
Willy-Well, l won't do 1t again, but
being ashamed won't do any good
F1iegende Batter.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Almost Miraculous.

Pierced by the bullet of an unseen
foe, the hero had died in great agony.
Ten seconds later he was standing
before the curtain, smiling and bow
ing his thanks to the applauding audi
ence.
Beats the pulmotor, doesn't it!
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Mceraw Releases Recruits.

Manager McGraw has let three OF
his youngsters go. Jacobson, the z
foot outielder has been knocked off
to Mobile of the Southern league, and
with min went GaYdella, an infielder.
Harry Devore was sent to Galveston.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19

He-Why do they call a wife's al
lowance pin money?
She-Because the average man
thinks it's enough for her if a woman
gets the money to buy pins enough
to hold her old clothes together.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Not Necessarily So.

so Jones has become an actor"
Has he?"
you said So"
mo, l didn't. l said he had gone
the stage"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Holding Him Down.

Yep" said Silas Hayrick, we've
decided t. send that no-count Reuben
t. congress"
But why?" we asked.
"'Cuz every time we send him any
where's else he gifts u on a writ O.
habeas corpus"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Street Praises Caldwell

Charlie Street, the sensational catch-
er of the Yankees, says that Slim
Caldwell is destined to nave a great
year in the box this season. Stree.
forgets the attachment to Walter John.
son when he sees Caldwell perform.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Good Deeds.

Toni told her father that I expect
ed to inherit several pieces of fine
property.
Dick-What did he say?
Tom-He said that deeds speak
louder than words.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Well. Hardly.

Bacon see in some parts of Aus
tralia the telephone is regarded as an
amusement rather than a necessity.
Egbert-Well, they can hardly con-
slider it an amusement when central
says the line is busy, can they?
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Supremacy.

There is one state in the Union in
which women have the upper hand
without the aid of the ballot"
(which one is that?"
"The state of matrimony."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
A sIioht misunderstanding

Mrs. Bings-My son in the city has
got a ottermobil and he has a grodge.
Mrs. Jinks-Goody gracious, Who's
the grodge aginst?
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Poor Reporting,

81 don't like the way they reported
my speech" complained the new con-
gresham.
why, they s%prinkled in plenty of
laughter and applause"
Yes; but how about all of them
g%estures?"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Los Opnortunitv.

Patrick, Jr.-The book says the first
flag we V er had vas made from a
petticoat.
Patrick, Sr.-Faith, what a pity it
was thot the lady wasn't wearing a
Crane wan.-Puck.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
It's Kind.

Don't you think this open fire is a
big Improvement over a commonplace
radiator"
Certainly; in fact, it is a CRATE re
lief."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19

Manager Bresnahan claims that he
turned down a Chicago offer of $50, 600
for First Baseman Konetchy. and says
double that sum would not buy the
big Bohemian.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Great Exnectations.

what do you expect to get with all
those tobacco coupons?"
MY wife thinks it will be either an
automobile or a bungalow, but I shall
probably compromise on a % cent
stickpin."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
His Reasoning.

why did the organist play the
wedding march so fast that the bride
and groom had almost to dance up
the aisle?"
Il suppose he thought that mar
riage was something OF a two-step."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Worse.

did hat man pay for ~votes?"
"Worse'n that! He promised to
pay for 'em an then refused to make
good"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Unhappy Jane.

Poor Jane is in despair"
What is the matter with Jane?"
why, she has just begun to realize
that she's too fat for an actress and
not fat enough for a prima donna"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Announcing the Engagement.

Miss hyperion, are you engaged to
be married to Count Nocash?"
There is absolutely no truth in the
rumor. Marie, show the gentlemen
the ring and give him a photograph"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19

"What did you talk about at the
last medical meeting?"
"Nitrates."
Well, they ought to be higher. It's
worth something to leave a warm
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-04-19
Evaporated

ct once heard of a bridge that was
built with six quarts of champagne"
"Indeed?"
But the people who expected to
profit by that bridge still use a
ferry"