The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-07-10
BILL VINES WRITES ! ON SURPRISE PARTY Participants Are Grooming
 for the Shock HOW THE JOB IS DONE Wilson and Taft Only Persons in the United States Who do Not know
 They Have Been Nomi-
 mated for President
By BILL VINES

Washington, July 9.-tSpecidi')--it certainly would be tough on presiden- tial nominee if something were to hap pen to the notification committee and they would in some way be prevented from notifying him that he had been chosen by the unterrifed in convention assembled and all that to carry the grand old flag and everything to vic
 tory in November
 Woodrow Wilson and William How ard Taft are both nominees. the former of the democratic party and the latter of the republican party, and everybody in the country knows eN about it except themselves.
 Ollie James has hinted to Governor
 Wilson that if he would have little lawn party at his home at Seagirt on the afternoon of August T, about o'clock, and suggesting that little mint tulip and ice cream would not be bad. that he would have little surprise for him.
 Governor Wilson of course has no idea in the world what James wants
 with him, not the least, nor is he very clear just what he must do, but he will be delighted to see Senator James and will, of course. come clean with the re- treatments.
 Of course, there will be quite a little party at the Wilson home on that oc- casion. They will sit around on the | lawn and on their best trousers and discuss the weather and the Dull
 moose" season until finally some one will give Ollie the wink Then he will gracefully uncoup1e his six and one
 half feet of longitude and uncover his
 shining home of thought and fix his
 gle eye upon the governor and gently
 break the news to him that he has been
 chosen for the target of republican
 sharp shooters during the coming cam | paign.
 Senator James will take the occasion
 to submit a few well modulated and carefully selected remarks concerning | the eminent fitness of the candidate
 and the eminent uhfitness of those who oppose him and predict an overwhelm- 1 ing victory in November
 l Ollie will lambast the stuffin' out of
 the Taft administration and harpoon l Teddy's bull moose with the stinging
 iavelins of his irony. Ollie is a 1912 model lambaster. and harpooner, from l Bitter creek. /. When he gets through
 he will be given three cheers. Prince
 ton tiger, and about three fingers in a | wash tub.
 | Governor Wilson will be over whelmed.. He has been in careful training for week so that he may be | in good overwhelming form. After he has got away with the overwhelming stunt, the governor will then submit a few choice offerings on how the gov ernment ought to be run and why. He will point out the evils and misfortunes certain to fall upon the country unless the democratic party Is handed over the
 reins of government in November. Then everybody will give loud whoop and rat each other on the back and take a | few more doses of harmony and the democratic nominee will know beyond a doubt that he has been chosen by his party as its candidate for President. l Just about the same programme time lhonored and absolutely necessary as il is, will be gone through with Taft
 President Taft will be informed that