davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
chIvalrx sets his Death Blow.

He removed his hat in the elevator
of an Office building. Six other men
surrounding him concentrated their
glares upon his bald pate. which slow
ly turned 10 brilliant orimson, show
ing the power of malicious animal
magnetism.
A hobble skirted stenographer wear
ing a 24-inch hat nudged her chum
with her elbow and called attention to
ivory top" Said top thereupon be-
came scarlet.
When the elevator stopped one of
the men bumped against the polite
individual, who the eupon trod on the
stenographer's most sensitive corn
and crushed his hat.
They oughter have special eleva
tors for No. II feet" she remarked.
The polite man pulled the damaged
hat down over his head and swore
softly Thus did budding courtesy die
in one manly breast.--New York Eve.
ming Telegram.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Parliamentary Law.

No one man is responsible for par.
liamentary law 1t was born of de
Lucrative exigencies. Its rules, prece-
dents and usages are contained neither
in statutes nor court decisions and are
only binding when deliberative body
chooses. TO make them so Most Of the
rules now accepted had their origin in
the English parliament. Changes have
been made to meet the needs Of our
legislative bodies, even as changes
were made In the English parliament
parliamentary law growing from the
simple procedure Of the Anglo Saxon
town moot to the more complicated de-
Lucrative machinery Of today.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
That was Different.

A stern father who had repeatedly
told young man who was paying his
addresses to his daughter not to visit
the house again without his permits.
sion. which he never intended TO give
was surprised when he answered a
ring at the doorbell late one evening
TO see the young man waiting OH the
step.
Sir" said he in anger. didn't tell
you not to call again. Ell. slr?"
Yes" said the young man. Il
know, but didn't call to see your
daughter came on behalf of our
firm about that little bill"
stern father. call L. rdn. will your"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Neeneo mo- More Heln.

An American gentleman got ac-
quainted with Frenchman who was
very anxious TO acquire the English
language. The American In order to
help him said that II he would send
his exercises to him he would willing.
iy correct them.
Nothing was heard from the French.
man for Eome time, but finally letter
came couched in the following choice
English.
In small time can learn so many
English from his textbook and her
dictionary as think I viii to come at
the America and tC 90 on the scaffold
to lecture"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
WENT BACK ON THE SHELVES
Growing Insult TO His Beloved Books
Was More Than the Professor
Could Stand.

Perhaps the bitterest moment in the
life of lover of books is when be
finds that his treasures are valued by
no one but himself The late Prof
Churton Collins once tried to weed
out his books. after ne had become
convinced that either the surplus or
their owner would have to move out
OF the library.
The wedding was a painful process,
but at last the secondhand book-deal.
er was invited to name his price for
the uprooted weeds" They're nc
good TO me-" was the disconeerting re
-ply.
What, none of them"
mo, not one"
Some one suggested that as the
books had TO go, the dealer had bet
ter have them for nothing. II was q
bitter moment for Mr. Collins, but
finally he assented. The man then re-
marked.
"Thatll be half a dollar"
What do you mean? What for?'
exclaimed the victim in a restrained
tone OF voice.
ITO take them away" said the man
That was too much for Mr.. Collins
The dealer was driven forth with OBJ
jurgations. after which, with a sigh OF
relief. the owner replaced the books
upon his shelves Youths Companion.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
o.. prnner Rsn4

When you are thoroughly tired and
begin to feel that peculiar sense OF
lassitude and exhaustion creep over
you, then 1t ia time to have change
Of work. Have a hobby. Ever one
be can turn-some channel In which
he can interest himself and to which
be can turn--some chat re- & which
be can divert his energy, 50 thai he
ran free It from the wel'worn path
Of the daily labor.
Learn 70 sleep. Both men and WON
en- should spend more time IL sod.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

Lambert Kaspers, Chicago attorney
told the following story, at a recent
Y. NJ. G. A. banquet:
A Kansas farmer, a Dane, applied
for naturalization papers. The Judge
asked him: Are you satisfied with
the general conditions Of the coun.
try?"
Vas" drawled the Dane.
Does the government suit your"
queried the Judge.
"Yas, vas, only would Ike TO see
more rain" replied the farmer.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

A colporteur In South Carolina,
walking many miles through mud, ac-
costed passerby and suggested the
purchase of the Bible. He was re-
fused The next day. says the Record
OF Christian Work, after a nights rest
and cleanup, he set up his stand in
town and had the pleasure of selling
a Bible to the very man who had re-
fused to purchase the day efore. Il
met a muddy man yeste, " with
Bibles" said he, who looked like a
Methodist tramp. When buys b.
BILE buys 1t from Baptist gentle
man"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Four poI,ars far a cake 81 soan

Soap has never been considered an
extravaganza. but now that notion
may change, since the new French
imported soaps are costing from two
TO three and four dollars a cake. They
are. however deliciously scented. anc
one may take pardonable pleasure In
using such toilet article. Each cake
comes in a little box. and is satin
covered; they are quite suitable item
for the travelling bag of the bride. for
which the most exquisite tribes are
always sought out
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Didn't Know What Il Was,

Senator Duncan u Fletcher was
condemning at dinner in Jackson
vile an orange grower who had failed.
"1'he man failed" he said. Through
ignorance. He lays the blame On other
things. but his ignorance alone is at
fault He Is as ignorant of orange
farming as the tramp was of industry.
You've heard of that tramp. per-
haps? He wore on his face sneer OF
derision and seorn.
Work. he said Work? What il
tan herb?'"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
pestlIent EemaIe Mosnnito

The female mosquito often lives
through the winter. alternating in
dark places like attics. clothes presses
and the crevices between floor and
Dashboard or outdoors in the cracks
in the bark Of trees. AS soon as the
gooss of water are warm enough in
the spring so her eggs VIII not freeze
she begins to lay. and ten days to
three weeks later the young mosqui.
toes sally-forth for their first taste Of
blood.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Cutting Repartee.

How said a lawyer TO witness.
how can you possibly bear such tes-
timony against this man who you say
10 your friend"
sir" said the man. he is my
friend. and love him, but | love Truth
more
you should be ashamed" replied
the lawyer, TO turn your back on a
friend for one who is perfect strang.
er to you"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
The shorter Route.

Lady Duff-Gordon, at a luncheon at
Sherry's in New York, told an anec-
dote apropos Of the divorce evil.
1.-TWO girls" she said. were chat
ting over a cocktail and a cigarette.
Marriages are made in heaven
said the first girl, and she blew a
cloud Of smoke into the air and re-
garded 1t With dreamy eyes.
The SET ond girl with light laugh
replied;
Yes. that is true; but, thank
goodness. o unmake them we have
to go only As far as Reno"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Above the Laws.

Some men think money can do any
thing. A certain rich man sent for the
doctor. who looked him ever and then
pronounced judgment
You have been living too high"
Maybe ! nave. There are many
good things in the markets"
mo levity. You have violated ma
lures laws"
"And you must pay the penalty"
PAY the penalty? Oh, come now.
Doc. Can't you get me off on tech
nicality or something's"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Walnut Tree as Bell Tower.

A church bell hung on a walnut
tree at Therfeid, England. which for
30 years had summoned the villagers
to divine service. has been taken down
and now forms part Of peal In the
newly erected tower of the church.
When the present church was erecte
a tower could not be built owing TO
lack Of funds and 2 tell from the old
church was hung on the walnut tree
which Is near the church.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Entirely Practical.

"Son, hope you are engaged to a
practical girl"
"Oh. she's very practical. dad. She
drives her own car. and she can take
motor apart as well as any expert in
the business"
Many doting father has paid hun
dreds Of dollars to learn that his
daughter couldn't sing.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Wound up to Go.

1t was Bobby's first view of the
Statue of Liberty Enlightening the
World.
why. she's goin' to throw that
thing. isn't she?" he exclaimed.
What makes you think so?" asked
his mother.
Don't you see she's got her arm
all wound up to let 1t go?"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Had Them.

do you keep motoring accesso-
ries?' asked the man entering the de-
partment store.
'Oh. yes" replied the foorwalker
with bow, I'VE keep arnica and
witch hazel. Drug department, second
aisle to the left, pleased"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
The VILLAGE cut-up.

Charley Billingsby always has
something funny to say, no matter
what happens"
Il know it. He's awful comical."
Il often wonder how he thinks OF
the humorous thoughts he has He's
just perfectly killing. l never heard
him call an umbrella anything but
bumbersheot
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Uneasy.

why do you avoid Mrs Wombat?"
Il think she's been talking about
me"
Nonsense. I'm with her constantly.
and I've never heard her say word"
Well, there's no telling when she'll
begin. She moved into the house We
moved out Of"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
a Prediction.

do you think Biffels will ever
reach green old age?"
He surely will, If he lives long
enough and doesn't know more then
than he does now"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

Gertie-Angry with him? Why. he
wrote lovely poem to her.
Rose-Yes. but she never read 1t
She tore the whole thing up in fit of
anger. He called it Lines on Mabels
Face"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Lonu serxice.

you say you were in one place for
ten years. Why did you leave?"
Il was pardoned by the goy'nor.
mum. Judge.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

Chinner--I had to laugh at the ball
game today. II always makes me
laugh when anybody's caught nap
ping.
Miss Wearyone-R Really? Then I'm
afra. you'll be laughing at me in a
few minutes.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Fathers Day.

Cab I see that they celebrated
Mothers Day. Why don't they have q
Fathers Day.
Steve-Father has every Saturday
night. hasn't he7
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
hardlv snltanIe.

Settlement Worker-Since meat is
SO high why not use vegetables?
Mrs. Grogan-Tbey don't DO black
eye no good.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

A girl may laugh at love, but later
she may realize that there is nothing
better 10 cry on than mans shout.
der.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

Every time the wrong young man
calls on a girl she always says to
some other girl the next day: Il
thought he never would go home"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

Years ago Garfield Tea was introduced
proval because it does what is claimed for 1t.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
The Leaser Hall.

Henpecked Husbands my wife
going out, Dora?
Dora-Yes, sir.
Henpecked Husband-Do you know
II am going with herr
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
A chanaed Man.

Mrs. Knagg-You were different
man when ] married you.
Mr.. Knagg-I sincerely hope so, for
then ! was a fool.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
Eninmatlc.

Il say. how is that new baby over
TO your house?"
It's a bowling success"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

Children VINO have been brought
up as pets may never get over being
disagreeable.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
WIlIinn 10 nve

Ella-Are you afraid to die?
Stella-4Not If l feel that the color
is becoming to me.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

Yet Solomon in all his glory never
wore an opera hat that would open
and shut
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

postal card 70 Garfield Tea Co., Brook
lyn, y. y, asking for sample will repay yot..
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

II there was a tax on stupidity the
wise guys would all be tax dodgers.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

Little Fed river. Arkansas, sheiled =
Confederate camp. drove out the Con-
federafes. and captured a quantity OF
stores.
General Mcclellan ordered the ma
tional salute to be fired at noon at the
headquarters Of each army corps. anc
paradeo the troops in the afternoon.
thanking them for the loyalty and
bravery of their recent service.
A meeting was held in Springfield.
Mass, for the purpose of devising
means to meet President Lincoln's
call for more troops. Appropriate res
olutions were adopted.
The Union forces operating against
Vicksburg, Miss. celebrated the day
by bombarding the Confederate de
fences until ten o'clock at night
The British steamer Richard
0Brien. laden with medicine and a
general cargo. be, ld from jamaica to
Matamoras. Tex2s, was run aground
and captured by the u. S. S. S. Rhode
Island. The Confederate gunboat
Teazer was captured in the James
river by the U. S. S. S. Maratanzas.
July 5, 1852.
c. NJ. Irwin. in behalf of the citi-
zens of Lee county. Va, informed the
Confederate secretary of war that
General Mercer of the Confederate
army had Issued orders impressing
twenty per cent. of the male slaves
throughout the state and inquired If
he was authorized to do SO by the war
department In reIly to Mr. Irwin the
secretary informed aim that General
Mercer had not c mmunirated with
the department in reference 10 i'm
pressment of slav and that no au-
thority to make sue impressment had
been granted.
General Thompson of the Confeder-
ate army issued proclamations to the
inhabitants of Pamela and De Soto
counties, Mississippi, calling upon
them to do the watching and picket
ing duty which their knowledge of the
country peculiarly fitted them for"
The bombardment of vicxsburg was
reopened at about eight o'clock in the
evening. The Union fleet of gunboats
and mortar boats threw shot and
shell into the city for an hour.
The governors of Illinois, Indiana.
Vermont and Rhode Island issued
proclamations calling upon the citi-
zens of those states for their quotas
Of troops. under the call of President
Lincoln for 100000 more men.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

II you would discover a woman's
weakness, keep quiet and listen.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

Most women can keep a seeret-ge
ing.-Lippineotts Magazine.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
July 6, 1862.

The steamer Juniata, while aground
about four miles from Harrison's
landing, on the James river, was fired
into by Confederates from the oppo-
site shore and one man wounded.
A fight took place at Grand Prairie,
near Aberdeen, Ark, between a body
of Union infantry, under the command
of Colonel Spicey, and a superior
force of Confederates, resulting in the
rout Of the latter with great loss. ac-
cording to report made to the war
department of the United States.
July 7, 1862.
The steamer Emile. formerly the
William Seabrook, of Charlestown,
s. c., was captured of Bulls Bay, S.
c., by the U. S. S. S. Flag and the
bark Restless.
At New Orleans, the system of dis
tributions and sales of provisions to
the poor of that city went into opera.
ton.
The Anglo-Confederate steamer
Adela was captured off Abaco by the
U. S. gunboat Quaker City.
The common council Of Buffalo, ".
Y, appropriated $4,000 for the pur.
pose of raising a new regiment, giving
SIS bounty for each recruit.
General Burnside's army arrived at
the James river. in Virginia.
The battle of Bayou Cache, Ark,
was fought by the National troops I'M
der Col. C. E. Hovey, and over 2,c00
Confederate troops. under command of
Albert Rust. resulting in the defeat OF
the Confederates.
Copyright, 1912. by w. G. Chapma -
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03

EEnEEc $50 to sloO to Introduce Toilet
MEHHAA Preparations. s. outfit advanced
hmkE No 6V PHIPPEN a Co, Racine, Wis.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1912-07-03
IuIy ., 1ee2.

A party of men from the U. s. S. s.
Rhode Island landed ~ Galveston,
Texas, for the purpose of raising the
American flag so that it might be said
that the old flag waved aboYe the soil
of each of the insurgent states on the
anniversary of independence. They
we're shortly driven or
The London Times satirized a meet
ing of American citizens. that gath
cred in London to signalize the day,
publishing mock ''orstion for Ameri-
cans" The day was celebrated with
great enthusiasm in the United
States.
General Mcclellan issued az address
TO the soldiers of the Army Of the
Potomac" capitulizing the events Of
the recent campaign, and declaring
that they would yet enter the capital
Of the Confederacy. The army at the
time vas In full retreat down the
lanes river.
A body OF Union troops under
Colonel Wood, reconnoitering near
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1912-05-23
Marriage Licenses.

Following are the marriage licenses
issued by the county clerk since our last
report of same:
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1912-05-23
Team IRdulgeS in Runaway.

Thursday afternoon team of horses
belonging to the F. NJ, Rice livery, took
a little spirited spin that caused some
excitement but resulted inlittledamage.
VIII Mushrush was driving the team,
and was just returning from from the
Geo Hoover barn where he had left the
carriage which had been used at a IN
neral, to the livery barn. The team be.
came frightened at an auto and jack,
knitted one horse running around in
front of the other. The driver went
to their heads TO untangle them when
one of the horses paved him and knock
ed him down, also knocking the wind
out of him for several minutes. The
team ran up Washington street and col
lided with single rig hitched to post
in front of A. NJ Currier' harness shop.
When the collision took place one of
the horses took a complete summer
sault and was considerably bruised up
One wheel and the shafts of the buggy
we're broken. The rig was owned by
Lou Carper and bad Just been tied to the
litching post by Mrs. Elmer Johnson.
Ir. Mushrush was only slightly in
urpd
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1912-05-23
Ksster Ladies Tailoring College. Con.
Quoted by Mrs. W. W. Smith.

The S25 course includes the system
with instruction in drafting patterns to
measure, and forty days of sewing on
your own or any other parties work
All patterns furnished and instructions
given on all work.
The So course includes the system
with instructions in drafting. The svs
TEN is perfect and has National rep
utation.
The s. course includes ten days of
sewing for yourself or any other person.
All patterns furnished to customers. II
is not required, but the sewing is done
all at one time. Tuition payable in ad
vance.
The Sl5 course gives forty days OF
sewing for yourself or any other person
Patterns cut to measure a speciality
The school is located over Jensen q
Viewers clothing store Phone "a. 16-tf
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1912-05-23
Will Entertain Ladies Today.

Mrs. G. H. Sampson will entertain a
number of lady friends at her home this
afternoon complimentary to Mrs. Lee
Hudler. Mrs. Hudler left Audubon
sometime ago and moved to Sansarc, S.
D. They have recently returned to Au
dubon to make their home and the party
this afternoon is given to welcome her
back TO her old home where her friends
are loyal and true and where she will
always find congenial company.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1912-05-23

Miss Van Steenburg, trained nurse,
of Des Moines, who was here caring for
Mrs. Pete Petersen, returned hon e
last evening. Mrs Petersen has almost
recovered from her severe illness.
Mrs. Nelson Cowles and children. of
Ottumwa came to Audubon last evening
for visit with her father, ] A. Nash
and with her husbands parents, w. II.
Cowles and wife.
Co. Supt. Ella NJ. Stearn was called
to two of the county schools this week
because Of the disobedience and meaness
of some of the scholars, the teachers
being unable to manage them.
w. Il. Hughes, late of Des ,Moines.
has accepted position with w. A.
Bailey in his barber shop He is a first
class workman and the trade will like
his barber work. 21e
Lars c. ChristOffersen while working
on an old bridge near his farm in Sharon
township, slipped and fell week ago
Monday injuring one of his legs quite
severely. He is improving nicely under
the care of physician. ..
Peter Rasmussen and wife and Jens
J. Haals and family departed Monday
evening for New York from where they
will take passage for their old homes in
Denmark. It is 30 years since Mr.. Ras
mussen came to America.
Mr.. and Mrs. j. G. Powell and Mr..
and Mrs. D. L. Cahail, of Guthrie Cen
ter were in the city Sunday visiting
friends. They returned home via Elk.
ira where Mr.. and Mrs. Powell lived for
number of years and where they have
a host of admiring friends
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1912-05-23
LINCOLN AND FISCUS
GRAY 19, BoTNA l.

GRAY 10, BOTNA 1.
Sunday, May 10 the Botna base ball
team was overwhelmingly defeated by
Gray at the latter place. The day was
windy and really unfit for game and
the Botna batters could do very little
with Grays battery, Deteleffs and Rein
holdt and this together with the ridicu-
lous playing of the Botna team resulted
in the lopsided score Ward played his
own game striking out eight of the
opponents and making three safe hits
out of the FIVE or six scattered ones
the one being home run smash in the
sixth inning, which gave Botna her
only run, in fact he was the only one of
the boys that played in usual form; but
with the miserable support of all his
team mates could do nothing.
Nels Anderson expects to sail in the
near future for another visit at his old
home in Denmark When he returns
to America it will make the eleventh
time that he has crossed the Atlantic.
The last time he sailed in the Olympic
the sister ship to the lost Titanic.
Chur ID at Pleasant Valley U. B.
church Sunday evening, May 20 at 500
p. m. Mrs. Olive Stark will preach.
Base ball Irwin VS. Botna Sunday,
May 26 at Irwin. Also Botna VS. Old
Timers Decoration day at Botna.
VIM. Hagedorn will wrestle Bill Um-
land, the Manila heavyweight, at Man.
ming, Wednesday, May 30
Phillip Armentrout last week pur.
chased another Ford which now makes
two cars that he owns.
Matt Christensen and family visited
with relatives in Jacksonville over
Sunday.
Johnny Glenn formerly of Irish Ridge
was recently married to lady in Sioux
City.
Jimmy Anderson quit working down
at Prairie Rose and came home Sunday.