davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
BOSTON CHILD KEPT DIGNITY
Matron Meant to Be Kindly, But
Youngster Was Not Conversa-
tionalIy inclined.

This story has been going the
rounds of Boston about the ~ten-year
old son of Director Russell of the
Boston opera house.
One evening during an entr'acte at
the opera house Master Russell was
~promenading alone in the foyer, in
faultlessly evening dress-a very glass
of fashion. A Boston matron, seeing
that he was lonely, began to make her
self Agreeable"
you are Director Russell's little
boy, aren't your" she asked, with
patronizing sw eetness.
Master Russell resented this intru.
sion on his dignity, but his courtly
manners were unruffied. Yes,
madam" he replied, with an elabor.
ate bow.
Where were you born?"
"In France, madam'-slightly more
frigid.
What part?" continued the lady,
feeling the conversation well started,
J "All of me, madam"
And he bowed and walked away
Judge.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
NEW KIND OF AN FRESHMAN
Definition That by His Own COMES
sion Was Very. Little Far
From the Truth.

Aprcpos of the very telling retorts
that Sam Schepps made to Cross-Ex-
Lminer Mcintyre in the Becker case,
Jerome S. McWade, the Duluth con-
noisseur, said:
Il like to see anyone get back at
an impudent lawyer. l got back at
such a lawyer myself the other day.
"The man was my counsel in a Gus
toms dispute over some Gobelin tapes
tries that I'd imported. Ills name had,
like my own, a Mick in it, and |
said to him, as I settled his very large
bill:
Are you an Irishman, sir?'
mo he answered, with a pompous
laugh, but I've made a lot of money
out of Irishmen in my time
"'Oh, l see,' said L. I suppose we
might call 0 an Irishman by ex
traction, them"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
A FRIENDS ADVICE
Something Worth Listening To.

A young Nebr. man was advised by
a friend to eat Grape-Nuts because he
was all u down from a spell of
fever. He tells the story:
Last spring l had an attack of fe-
yer that left me in a very weak con
dition. l had to quit work; had no
appetite, vas nervous and discour-
aged.
"A fIiend advised me to eat Grape
Nuts, but I paid no attention to him
and kept getting worse as time went
by.
Il took many kinds of medicine but
none of them seemed to help me. My
system was completely run down, my
blood got out of order from want of
proper food, and several very large
boils broke out on my neck. was
SO weak l could hardly walk.
Zone day mother ordered some
Grape-Nuts and induced me to eat
some. l felt better and that night
rested fine. AS | continued to use the
food every day, grew stronger stead
lily and now have regained my former
good health. ] would not be without
Grape-Nuts. as 1 believe it is the most
health-giving food in the world"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Creek, Mich.
Read the book, 1.-THE Road to Well
ville," in pkgs. There's a reason"
Ever read the above Ietter9 A new
ONE appears from time to time. They
are genuine. true, and full OF humas
interest. Adv,
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Why He Wept,

At a reception n night, says the
Woman's Home Companion, a loud
voiced young man was invited to sing.
Desultory applause followed, and he
responded with a vociferous rendering
Of MY Old Kentucky Home" The
hostess was passing among her guests,
beaming at the success of her enter
tainment and sure that everybody Vas
having a good time, when suddenly, to
her surprise, she came upon a middle
aged man but slightly known to her,
who was weeping silently, but bitterly
in a secluded corner. Thinking that
his heart had been touched by the old
song, she asked sympathetically:
why do you weep? Are you a Ken.
tuckian?"
mo, madam" he replied. 81 am a
musician"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Poor Girl.

How long have you been married.
1T will be six months next Thurs
day"
And do you still regard your hus-
band as the most wonderful man who
ever was born?"
Then the poor girl broke down, says
the San Francisco Star, and sobbed
piteously. When she could trust her
self to speak again she said:
mo. Charles has disappointed me
terribly. I'm afraid l have wre-
wrecked my li-life. Last night when
asked him to get up aud see if there
wasn't a burglar in our room he
bumped his lose against the edge OF
the open door and he said three sim.
ply awful words just as if they came
natural to him"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
AFTER HE HAD COUNTED THEM
His Companions Safe, Philadelphia
Man Wa Satisfied That He Had
Really Shot Buck.

Thomas Martindale, the Philadel
phia moose hunter, said, apropos OF
the opening of the deer season.:
Buck fever is a strange disease.
The victim of it does some remarkable
things.
"A Philadelphia was deer hunting
in Maine. He shot four or five shots
into a thick copse, and then he
shouted:
"tAll of you come out of there
Half a dozen sportsmen issued
from the copse hurriedly.
Are you all out?' said the Phila-
delphian. One, two, three, four.
Where's Jake? Oh, there you are,
Jake. Are you all out, sure?'
Yes they answered. We're all
out; the whole party's out
"'Hurrah, them shouted the Phila-
delphian. 'Hurrah! I've shot a
buck!'"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Curious Russian LAW

Russia has a law which to outside
observers seems almost to put a
premium on theft by which stolen
goods become the property of the
thief if he can prove that he has had
possession of them for over five years.
In the thieves market-which is, of
course, licensed by the police-goods
that admittedly have been stolen
(more than five years before) are
openly offered for sale, and the place
is a veritable Mecca for the light
fingered gentry and their enterprising
friends, as also for the more honest
members of society, who secure many
a tempting bargain.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29

quietly up into the mountains. For
some time their patience was re-
warded only with disappointment,
but at last one morning they anne
upon a party of the little men. The
Negritos dropped the bundles of rat
tan they were carrying and con-
cealed themselves in the under
growth.
The German and his men knew
exactly what they were to do in such
a case. They were not to go an
inch in, pursuit. No weapon was
to be shown. One Of the men who
could speak a little of the native
dialect, aired his accomplishment in
the gentlest way. The white man was
their good friend and had come to
see them. And what wonderful
presents he had brought for his
friends! The white man and his
servants extended their arms, which
were loaded with bright cottons,
strings of beads, many colored neck
laces, tobacco, and other tempting ar
ticles whose merits were extolled by
the spokesman with all the e%loquence
he could command.
They knew the natives were be-
hind the bushes looking at the tempt
ing sight and listening to the ex-
hortation. Then the visitors sat
down, still holding out the beautiful
presents. Finally an old man, the
leader of the party, stuck his head
out of the bush. He broke off a green
twig and held it up. 1t was q sign
of peace and the white man nodded
to him. The ice was broken. The
Negrito approached the European,
they shook hands, some of the
presents were distributed and the
visitors became the guests of the lit,
tie mo~untaineers. They were passed
on from n group to another till
Grubauer, after a considerable time,
had completed his studies.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
TRAITS OF CHILDREN
How Parents Of the Balkan.
States Raise Their Offspring.
Montenegro Youngsters Taught to
Fight Turks to the Death-ln Bull
garia Racial Hatred Is Taught
in Public Schools.

Uzhitse. Servia.-One cannot helr
wondering during wartime what the
children of the belligerent nations
think about it all. How do the panics,
the carnage, the firing of guns appear
to their young minds?
1t is fairly easy to answer this ques-
ton so far as Montenegro is concern
ed, for from the earliest age children
take the keenest interest in their ia
theirs collection of weapons and the
dozen or so knives, pistols and other
knick-knacks he wears in his wide
belt.
A M~ontenegrin would be just as like
ly to go for a stroll down the village
street without his entire arsenal as
a Philadelphia dandy would be likely to
walk down Chestnut street without
his collar.
In Spain l used to watch the chill
dren play, and here the game "a in
variably b~ull-ighting, but in Monte
negro the only game for babies is war
to the death with the Turk.
The Montenegrins r a stern race,
and the fathers, though devoted to
their children, do not believe in pam
pering them.
But l shall not easily forget the face
of Prince Mirko, the second son of
King Nicholas, and the idol of the ma
ton, when he told me of the death of
his two children. They caught typhoid
fOror in Nioo onl dind within q f0W
days of each other.
Have you any children" be asked
me.
None" l replied.
well, you may thank heaven for
that" said he, "for you will never &C
through the agony l suffered. l veri
ly thought my heart was broken and
that 1 never could be happy again.
"As it is, l cannot bear to hear the
Riviera mentioned, and wild horses
will not drag me to Nice again"
Servian children are like pretty lit.
tie dolls with great dark eyes. and
wearing long white shirts under
charming brown suede leather zouave
Jackets edged with fur.
These jackets are most quaint and
original, and are decorated with ara
besques and devices of gaily colored
feathers and pieces of looking glass
sewn in imitation of sprays and flow
ers.
The fur is left on the reverse side
so that the coats are very warm.
have often wondered on a broiline
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Montenesrin Mountaineer.

summer day how they can stand the
heat.
Their manners are very pleasing
and they remind one of nice little
puppies or kittens. The Servians have
a certain regard for their offspring
without any wild devotion.
1 remember slightly shocking some
of my friends out there by my par
TALLY for ~four-legged creatures. 1 was
sitting outside a cafe at Uzhitse feed
in& a cat with the remains of my dish
of kaimak, the Servian equivalent to
Devonshire cream. This extravaganza
they put up with, but when they saw
me tempting a dog with bits of sugar
thSy thought it was time to remon-
strate.
"Gospozha!" they exclaimed. What
, a strange thing to do! Why, you ought
to put that sugar in your pocket and
give it to children on the road"
In Bulgaria one hears of horrible
massacres of babes. Only a day or
two ago Bulgarians near Rustchuk at
tackled a harmless Turkish settlement
and spared neither women nor chill.
dren.
But the B%ulgarians set great store
by their schools, and in these schools
racial hatred is encouraged, and even
the youngest learns that he will some
day has to struggle for mastery
with the Serb, the Greek and the
Turk.
Unlike the babies of other Slav ma
tons, the Bulgarians are not, as a
rule, beautiful. They are w~ooden-Iook-
ing, fat faces, and are rather Mon
golian in type; but they are as hard
as nails.
Carmen Sylvia of Roumania might
well be called the Children's Queen.
She adores children, and the grief of
her life was when her little daughter
died.
She has eve really recovered from
losing her only child, but it has had
the effect of making her as good as a
mother to all her young subjects.
No one will ever know the extent
of her ~benevolence and charity, and
Roumanian mothers bless her name,
She interests herself especially in
the blind, and her home for blind chill
dren is perhaps the most excellent
charity of the country.
One Of the things that strikes a Wis.
itor to Roumania is how everything
Is discussed before children.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Usual Kind of Office Seekers

We'll. how's every little thing, now
that election is over?" asked the re-
Gently arrived washing machine agent.
bout as they are every place else.
1 reckon" a bit pessimistically replied
the landlord of the Turgidtown tavern.
THE banker, the storekeepers, and
lumber yard man, the doctor, the stock
buyer, the blacksmith, and all the rest
of the business men who have always
'peared to be capable of managing
their various sized affairs successfully,
are going on calmly and carefully at
tending to EN-, while all the triflin',
one-gallused incompetents that have
never had any affairs of their own to
attend to and wouldn't be capable of
conducting 'em properly if they had
any, are out hotfoot and hell-bent to
get and manage the post office for the
rest of u.s."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Education and Larger Life.

1t seems to me that the woman who
cause of her geometry and her draw
ing lessons, who cannot speak English
more distinctly and with fuller vocab-
ulary because of her study of French
or German, who cannot find a hundred
uses for her chemistry in the little
everyday emergencies of her house
keeping, has not succeeded in getting
from her studies all that they had to
give her.-Home Progress Magazine.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
SmeIied a CRATER.

A Boston clubman recently returned
from a visit to New York city. In
discussing his trip one of his friends
asked him whether he had a police
man in his pocket. The clubman hest
tated for a moment, seriously ques-
tioning his friends sanity, when the
latter added:
Il didn't know whether you could be
there a week without some CRATER or
other getting into your pocket"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
FIRST SIGHT OF WHITE FACE
How a German Won Confidence of
People Who Had Never Before Seen
a European.

Bangkok.-In the mountains CT
northern Malacca and southern Siam
dwells a tribe of dwarf Negrittos who,
until a few months ago, knew nothing
of the white man and his ways. From
their hunting grounds they could al
most see the foreign ships steam
through the Malacca straits. Certain
conveniences obtainable only from the
whites had reached them through in
termediate tribes; for example, they
had become well acquainted with the
Swedish safety matches, yet no white
man had ever come in contact with
them.
A German botanist, Albert Cru
bauer, not long ago set out to make
acquaintance with these shy people.
With a few native servants he stole
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Suitinu Himself.

The modern small boy is painfully
cautious.
Would you like to come to our bon
fire on the 18th of November" one was
asked.
Back came the answer worthy of a
cabinet minister: well, if l haven't
a bonfire of my W and if my father
doesn't take me to Belle Vue, and if
I'm not asked to a better bonfire, I'll
be awfully glad to come."-Manches-
ter Guardian.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Frontier MelicaI List,

In good old frontier days castor oil
a the principal medical beverage
good full measure, too. Only the big
gest person could hold a whole dose
one-half a dipperful, with half a dip
perful of New Orleans molasses add
ed to help slick it down and make it
taste good, only it didn't taste good.
In those historic days every old wom-
an was a doctor and gathered her own
YARDS" in the woods, and knew how
to mix up medical messes that would
stir the vitals of a brass monkey or
a cast iron pig. All backwoodsmen
believed in "yarb" doctors. Something
in "yarbs,' at that.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Too Great Expectations.

First Angler-Look, this fish was
almost caught before; see the broken
hook in it's mouth.
Second Angler-It should have had
sense enough to steer clear of hooks
after that.
First Angler-Oh, come. you can't
expect a fish to exhibit more sense
cript.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
MuH.

Senator Borah was talking about a
disgruntled political opponent.
His attitude" said the eloquent
senator. reminds me of a young lady
at the ~seashore.
Discussing this young lady and a
Chicago millionaire, a girl remarked:
"'She says that he's not a very good
catch, after all
Another girl, tossing her head, then
made the comment:
"'She says that, does she? Then
he must have dropped her."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Suicide Among German Children.

Why do SO many German children
commit suicide? No M seems to
know. but there is no dispute about
the fact. Indeed it has been said that
the majority of suicides are those of
children, and experts seem inclined to
connect the grisly epidemic with the
educational system. That "the weak
must go to the WALL has become an
axiom that has been extended to the
schools, and the u~ndeveloped mind of
the child seeks relief in suicide from
the encouragement of failure. 1t
would be interesting to know If any of
the so-called heather countries of the
world have ever experienced such a
horrid social phenomena as that Of
child suicide.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Turkish COUNTING of lime.

Through the center of the mosque
of st. Sophia runs the theoretical
meridian which gave the Turks true
local time-one hour and ffty-six min.
utes ffty-two seconds fast on Green,
wich-until, two years ago, the new
government fell in with the standard
system of time zones, and came into
the eastern European zone, exactly
two hours ahead of Greenwich time
For religious purposes, however, Il
o'clock always happens at sunset, and
noon thus wanders with the seasons
all round the ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Gazette.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Worth Three Times a Diamond.

Nearly all the emeralds mined to-
day come from Colombia. And, in
spite of the supposed higher value Of
diamonds, the emerald is the most
precious of gems. Carat for carat, a
flawless emerald would bring perhaps
three times the price of a f1awless dia.
mond in the jewelry market. India
the storehouse of precious stones, is
credited with producing the first en-
eralds, but the Oriental emerald is
not identical with the modern gem, as
it is a variety of the ruby, of green
color and extremely rare.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
cAsT-oFF STOCKING A BANK
Rag Cutter In Rising Paper Mil at
Hoosatonic, Mass, Finds $50 in
SILK Hosiery.

Pittsfield, Mass.-Mrs. Mary Muir
ply, a %rag-cutter in the Rising Paper
mill, at Housatonic, was cutting up old
hosiery for paper stock when, in a silk
stocking, she felt a small roll, which
proved to be $50 in $40 bills.
Some wearer of the silk hose had
made the stocking a purse and forgot
all about the money when the hose
was discarded.
Mrs. Murphy is a widow and the
find is to her a big blessing.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
STRUCK BY TRAIN, JAILED
Farmer Fights Doctors, Rushed to
Cell Instead of Hospital at
Marion, o.

Marion, O.-After being struck by a
freight, carried through the busiest
rushed to a hospital, William William
son, a farmer, is locked up in the city
prison instead of occupying a morgue
slab or hospital cot. He was unhurt
and became SO obstreperous at the
hospital that he had to be jailed.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
BOOMERANG.

Mrs. Hiram Offen-I'm afraid you
won't do. AS nearly as l can make out,
you have worked in six or seven
places during the last year.
Miss Brady-Well, an how nanny
girls has yerself had in the same
Transcript.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
John D. Has Switchboard.

Tarrytown, N. Y.-John D. Rookie
Teller has installed in his Pocantico
Hills home a private switchboard with
33 extensions, which he can operate
himself without fear of any outsider
hearing his conversation.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Goes TO Depot in Paianaa

Sunbury, Pa.-Because the porter
failed to waken him in time to dress
on the train, Charles Meyer of New
York rushed 10 the depot in his pa
jamas and dressed there while station
men kept women outside.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Children
Break up Colds in "a hours, relieve Feverishness,
ders, move and regulate the bowels, and Destroy
Worms. They are so pleasant to take children
like them. Used by mothers for Y years: At all
druggists, 25c. Sample mailed FREE. Address.
A. S. Olmsted, Leroy. N. Y. Adv.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Society.

Mrs. Wayupp-No wonder I look
worried, my dear. My husband has
just gone out, and if he is discovered
it. will probably cost US our social po-
sition.
Mrs. Blase-Goodness! Where is
he?
Mrs. Wayupp-He has gone out IN
cog to pay a bill.-Puck.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
M arriaQe,

The couple were being married by
an out-of-town justice of the peace.
Until death do you part?" the mag
istrate asked, in the usual form.
The man hesitated. See here,
judge, can't you make it an indeter-
inmate s~entence?" quoth he, after
thinking a moment.-Puck.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
a Ri+ Candid

First Tripper latter lengthy survey
of second ditto)-You as got a hugly
face, 'asn't you, mate?
abaht it.
First Tripper-You might ave
stopped at 'ome.-Punch (London).
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
The Tender Spot.

What have you done toward pun
ishing lawbreakers?"
WELL" replied the shady police Of
ficer, Il have done a great deal to-
ward hurting their feelings by taking
their money away from them"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Heredity.

She-Sometimes you appear really
manly and sometimes you are effemi-
nate. How do you account for 1t?
He-I suppose it is hereditary. Half
of my ancestors were men and the
other half women!-Tit-Bits.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
That Is Unkind.

Tommy-Pop, what is a free think
err?
Pop-A free thinker, my son, is any
man who isn't Notwithstanding
Record.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Civil Answer.

DO many strangers settle here,
landlord?"
They all settle, an them without
nc more baggage than you got settles
in advance"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Chance.

81 always embrace an oppor-
tunity.' ,
But, then, you must be careful you
are not hugging a delusion."
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Twenty-Five Rats in One iran

Talbryn, England.-A record in rat
catching has been made here, where
25 rats were caught in one wire trap
in two nights, Is the first night and
10 the second.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Ominous.

81 like affectionate animals. Does
this dog attach himself to people
e"asily?"
Not if they can run faster than he
can"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
ExceptionaI Child,

First School Teacher-Does Edith's
little girl ever make any bright an
swers?
Second School Teacher-No; she al.
ways knows her. lessons.-Judge.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Their Class.

How would you describe these let.
tiers of a chiropodist?'
I'D class them as foot notes"
A girl of ten hates to be kissed al
most as much as a girl of twenty
doesn't.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Removed,
AND GETS LEFT.

Crawford hear he was operated
on. What did he have?
BRADSHAW Money. - New YORK
Times.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Providing.

rs it really easy taking candy from
a baby?"
Not if the baby takes the place"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Gets $3.50 From TWENTY-FIVE

TIsoV VII VGFItyFIVCs
New Rockford, N. D.-Twenty-five
workmen employed by a Chicago con-
struction company, were awakened
and robbed by a lone bandit who en-
tered their bunk house. The total
loot was $1.50.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Not the Same.

You used to call you wife Kit.
ten"
Il know, but she has grown since
then."-Judge.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, ~softens the gums, reduces inlamma-
ton, allays pain, cures wind collie, 25c a bottle ADV.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29

on telling her SO is superhuman.-
Houston Post.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Overheard in a Laundry

He musta gotta raise, Bella. Here's
two shirts in the wash the same
week"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29

ITCH Relieved in 80 Minutes.
Woolford's Sanitary Lotion for all kinds Of
contagious itch. At Druggists. Adv.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29

The first time a young man is in
love he honestly believes he e
what he says.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29

A girls idea of a tiresome man is
one who has good ense.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
lot ACCORDING to Ru

Her emotions are ungrammatical."
What do you mean by that?"
"All her moods are tense"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29

Distance sometimes lends enchant-
ment to a mans view of his mother
in-law.
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29
Good Reason

why do you call the popular game
poker"
Because it stirs things up"
The Penn's Grove record., 1912-11-29

1t always costs more to acquire a
crouch than 1t is worth.