Polk County observer. (Monmouth, Polk County, Or.) 1888-1927, 1912-02-02

(With Apologies TO =. +. Duhhe')
",Tis ahfter havin a market in
spectoor fer the city av Dallas, I see
be The Observer" said Mr.. Hennes-
sy laying down his paper.
eye guessed right the furst time, "
was Mr.. Dooley's response.
@ris an Unnecessary luxury, ad-
din to tn burthen av taxation an
kapin the poor mon down." continued
Mr.. Hennessy.
"'Tis not" replied Mr. Dooley tart
ly. "'Tis nawthin av the kind. "Tis
fur the banyfit of the poor mon an
his childer, and to kape the rich
from gettin' richer. 'Tis no expense,
at all, at all, fer TIL Inspector, be'ih
a woman. is to serve widout pay"
"A woman! Fur the love of the
harp, phat can woman do inspect
oorin around? At homes where she
sh'd be- settin' tn salt risin bread" +"
"Hinnissy, ohm ashamed ay yr ig-
nurance. Av ye don't know ony be-
thern thot kindly kape y'r ontooterd
moind to yrsilf. Av ye were up wild
the tonnes, y'd know thot livery city
av ony soize an pratinsions to re-
spectybility in this broad land av ours
now proudly boasts Of havin' a mu-
nysipal market Inspector. "Tis an
ividence of civilization, markin the
progress of the human race from tn
taypees av the windswept plains to
tn broad an invitin plate glass in
frances av the grills av refinement.
iris an indix av ivolution from tn
original state of savagery Did ye
iver hear av a market Inspector in
the cannybal GLANDS? No, av coorse
not Did ye iver read av Peary dis
coverin ony market Inspectors amid
tn icy Businesses av tn North Pole?
Ye niver did, They go hand in hand
wild culture and moikrobes, wild suf-
fragettes and owther insidyous
germs"
But why do they be appointin'
a woman?" broke in Mr.. Hennessy.
"Fis foolish, foolish, ye are, Hin
Missy, or ye would not be awskin
such an idyotic question. Hev We
never rid y'r bible, Hnnissy? Did
ye not know it twas the very foirst
occupation av the female race?"
"O did not"
well, dim completely disgusted
wild ye. did ye not know that
Grandmother Eve was the original
market inspectoor?"
NO how was thot?"
"Why, didn't she foind the forbid
den fruit the very foorst day she was
on the job?"
"Y'r roight, Dooley. ye are. But
phat is the juty av them?"
"'Tis thayre juty to safeguard the
public health on ivry morning av
the weekdays, ahfter partaking of a
loight but well cooked breakfast, 'tis
the july of the Inspector TO prosade
to the business part av the town, |
nately but not gaudily arrayed in a |
well fitting unyform of blue, trim
med wild brass buttons, wild charlotte |
russ insertion around the neck, and |
wearing the proper insignay av her
awfice 'Tis immayterial whether she
wears a cap or not, so long as her
hair is nately done up.
"Entherin' GROCERY sture, she
immaydeately begins the inspectn'
by sniiiin in a subdued but firm way.
We know, Hinnissy. that a woman
can smell more in wan Whit than
graft committy can find
out in wan year. 'Tis their natur.
Let woman have the foorst smell
an the lawst wurrid an she's happy.
all the rist av the day.
"Continuin' her Investigations she
follies the clew to tn limburger chase
case. Wild another official snff. she
looks the grocer cody in the ole and
pronounces the wan wurrid CON
dimned,' What fur. sis III groocer?'
'Fur? sis she Because. sis she
An thin the clerk takes II out an
throws it away untwil awfter she
goes to SOON oother sture.
How old are thays iggs. sis the
he inspectooriss, stoppin bcfoor
him. Joost fresh this marnin.' y'r
lwnoor. replies the GROCER in sooth-
m tones. 'N'r a liar. sis she 'Thay-
re not Away wild thim, sis she