Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-05-16
Copyright. 1911. by North American Press
Synlicate.D
CAUGHT on III FLY.

W A'D' R'A'hC 'A't't
think he is going to ave a close shave.
Mayor Shank. of Indianapolis, is be-
ing spoken of for the vice presidency.
What have they got against him..
Mr.. Bryan doesn't like Governor Har-
mon and it begins to look as though the
feeling is entirely mutual.
y Chicago professor says lovemaking
is a science. Yes. very often it becomes
u domestic science.
a man who can buy butter on credit
nowadays really SHOULD be operating in
Wal street.
What if Washington did nave red
hair. He wore a wig and nobody knew
1T but Martha.
New York taxicab robbers are loot
ing banks. Heretofore they have con-
fined their efforts to robbing taxicab
patrons.
Woodrow Wilson says there are
many invisible brickbats in politics.
Yes. and many visible gold bricks.
Reports say Uncle Jim Wilson will
retire. Yes. he probably will-tonight
tomorrow night and so ON.
Mayor liaynor says Iawlessness in
New York must stop. Lawbreakers
Will probably take this as another Of
the remarks of Epictetus md let it.
30 at that.
A Kansas father has named his trip
lets Initiative, Referendum and Pecall.
1t Will bother the folks some to pick
out nicknames for those kids.
A Missouri judge has decided that a
barber is not an artist. That judge
must have received a rail fence hair
cut some time or other.
Alaska has had AN open winter.
Next tim Alaska will please shut it's
winter up and keep 1t to itself.
Detective Burns is to be dramatized.
IT there is anything I'm a name Burns
ought to make o hot show.
Tho Italians and Turks have in
vented something unhear0 of before In
shape of nOisnles war.
A wise eastern PAPER remarks that
the present political campaign buffers
no parsnips. Then again few people
have any parsnips to butter or any
butter to butter them with.
Harper's Weekly has found a way
to tell the age of a fish, but it still re-
mains for somebody to find out a way
to tell the age of some of the old lob
sters along Broadway.
Somebody has mentioned DR.. Wiley
for vice president. 1t must nave been
some bitter enemy, such as Secretary
Wilson, who did 1T.
1t is getting so the grocers look up a
customers standing i'm Bradstreet be-
fore sending a dozen fresh eggs to the
house.
The colonel seems to bear a closer re-
semblance to the immortal Barkis ey-
cry dav.
n candidate who called Senator Jeff
Davis a disgrace to Arkansas should
remember that Arkansas has been dis
graced. by experts.
Now that Senator Hepburn is again
Viewing with alarm. things in general
must be in good condition.
Schuumann-Heinck says Goods best
handiwork is the American husband"
ana after that no American husband
can a the heart to refuse to buy
tickets to her concerts.
1t is rumored that Jim Jeffries is
thinking of challenging Jack Johnson.
but the gate receipts for such an event
wouldn't pay training expenses.
"A western urgeon operated upon
himself or appendicitis. He will prob
ably send himself q bill through force
-
ON THE NILE.
10 like to LOAF around awhile
Upon the ancient River Nile.
And hunt the graceful crocodile
Like famous tourists do.
Tho pyramids I'd like to see
The mumlnies, too, appeal to me.
I'd like to find old Ptolemy,
And get an interview.
I'd like to converse with that mink,
That Gibson girl they called he
Sphinx
And try to weld some sold links
Between the past n now;
She Is the only woman who
Can keep her lips sealed. tightly. too.
A fact we must allow.
I'd like to ask some question that
Would throw light on her habitat.
Did Cleopatra wear q rat
And chew her gum at the show?
Wear fOar-fOOt bOnnets then the style
Along the placid River Nile?
Did Shatpins pierce the rank and file
70 they passed to and fro?
Did suffragets rise in that day
n heave their bricks of ancient clay?
Did common people have to pay
Three prices for their meat?
Wore K. 8 3. producing plays?
Was Lillian Russell then the craze?
Was Goodwin seeking fiancees?
Were chorus girls discreet?
Was Kaiser Wilhelm talking fight?
Did frightened folks stay up all night
To watch for comets IN their flight?
Did old Wurzburger flow?
II her determination clips.
And Mrs. Sphinx unseals her lips
She may give US some good straight
tiOs
On things we'd like to know.
CUTTING OUR GRASS.
WANTED-An honest and indust-
riOus child of the male persuasion to
manicure lawn twice q week. Call to-
morrow morning. No.. street. .......
little want ad. neatly and modestly
w0rded. we thought, and 1t eventually
1orred our latent s~ensibilities into q
sudden realisation Of the truth OF the
old adage TO the effect that It pays to
advertise. We made only one mistake.
We did not specify the hour. We
learned at 5 O'Clock that full nine-tenths
x - the fsavo0f1a4 mn0o nOns,1ntAnn ~ n,,.