davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06

GA~ EE, George, the papers is get
= ting after Mister John D.
~ Rockefeller and Mister Rose
ben. amt they?" asked the Manicure
Lady.
You don't mean Mister Roseben,''
saIG the head Barber, favoring the
Manicure Lady with a more-sorroW-
than-anger look. you mean Mister
Penrose."
George" demanded the Manicure
Lady, lis the time ever going to come
when you will stop thinking that you
know more than anybody that ever
met you? Why is it that you are all
the time looking for a chance to cor
rect me2 I got q good grammar school
through the first reader class and got
your honorable discharge you did more
than your talk would prove for wOu."
4 went way past the first reader,
got into the second reader, and 1 guess
that is the last reader of them all
the reader of human nature and the
reader of good books. I wish 1 could
have gone to Yale or Princeton, but L
didn't want to tax the old man too
hard after all that he had done for
me, so l told him after I had finished
the last term at school that he could
afford for me that I wanted to go to
work. It turned out all right at that.
I've got a pretty good job, as New York
jobs go, and I manage to get by
I didn't mean to offend you, George, "
said the penitent Manicure Lady. y on
are all the time kidding me, so I
thought it would be no more than
fair if 1 kidded you little. But as
was saying. they are certainly after
the Standard Oil gang. guess that
they have the fear Of all Creation in
their hearts. Brother Wilfred is writ
ing a poem that he calls The Shame
of Standard Oil" He read it to me this
morning and l thought the first two
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
BY GEORGE FITCH.
Author Of ''At Good Old Siwash
Copyright. 1912. by George Mathew Adams.J

would be chased four miles by the jan
itor while the agitated secretaries tumi-
gated the place When rich man wishes
to contribute to his party nowadays he
doesn't do it in person He hires
burglar to break into the treasurer's
office at night and put the money IN
the safe.
As a result of this reform we now
have no campaign funds worth speak
inc of and the starving managers OF
our great political parties have to play
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
stop over here if arrangements could

stop over here If arrangements could
be made.
There was an increased enrolment in
every school today. The enrolment
yesterday was 1927. Today IT has in
creased to 1244. The least crowded is
the Franklin school The san Fran
cisco street school is full. Down at
the Aoy school they are crowded out
OF doors The following list shows the
number of boys and girls in each
school Central, boys 152, girls 21O;
Mesa. boys 1913, girls 81; Santa Fe street
school, boys 81, girls 50; kindergarten.
boys Al, girls 81; Franklin, 179; Aoys
237; Douglas, so; total, 1914.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
One-Sentence Philosophy
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

(Chicago NeWs.)
In fishing for compliments use fresh
bait
Even the boOkwOrm turns-after fin
ishing the page.
The average man dies before reach
ing the age of discretion
Fresh people usually consider them
selves the salt of the earth.
We all regret many things we
haven't done-and only a few we have.
It's a good plan to believe only half
you hear, then forget half of that
Even good intentions prove too much
Of a burden for some men to carry.
Retribution is something we are
MORALLY certain will overtake other
people.
Many a man who is rich in expert
ence is unable to raise the price of a
square meal
If it's true that a husband and wife
are only one, how does it require two
to make a quarrel
A widow is never nor, dangerous
than when she tells an old bachelor
that she was never really happy in
her married life.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
n gss5E HA1 POEM Call Othe College By Walt Mason

H. WHY be loud
sand all the year,
Why hands
toig be fourth
Overas bnded
college be banked Through all the
the in disgust resolved
to Owed to
throng the
edvho
the an
with
lawyers Us
working college "eety l
"Fosake plowshare for the pen"
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
CAMPAIGN
~ FUNDS

* AMPAIGN funds are money which
is contributed by generous and
~ financially dropsical citizens IN an
effort to make the common people do
what they always intended to do any
way-vote as they blamed please at
elections.
A campaign fund consists Of such
large pile of money that it keeps a
national manager and large number
of assistants busy all summer spending
it. Some of this money is spent for
bands and flags and red fire and cigars
and large white water cooler for the
headquarters. The rest goes into litera-
ture and speakers. Early IN the cam
paign year a large number of eloquent
orators become politically confused and
uncertain and cannot tell whom they
are going to favor with all their hearts
unit they have hefted the rival cam
paign funds One of the most persua-
sive sights for the doubtful voter in this
nation is that of a famous speaker who
is exhorting the common people to arise
and shake of their shackles for 500
day and carefare-for the orator, not
the common people.
In the good old times it was customary
for the ordinary citizens to refrain
nobIy from contributing to the campaign
fund while the prominent capitalists took
charge of the job and finished it in no
time by chipping in 100000 apiece,
taking a few congressman and federal
Judge or two as souvenirs when the
campaign was over We are now so
particular, however, in our politics that
if capitalist were to come around to a
political headquarter and ask in trem-
bling tones to be allowed to leave 9
bill there as a token Of his interest he
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
globe SIGHTS.

Poor people can't be spendthrifts
on a very large scale
You may have observed that a man
often goes to 4 sanitarium and IS
brought back
Possibly there would be more di-
vOrces If more women felt they could
collect alimony.
From the outside looking in it al
ways seems that a sociaI success is
worth less than it cost.
It always seems to a boy that he
could get along nicely if there were
only 10 commandments,
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
MONTANA STREET PAVING.


Editor Ell PasO Herald:
Please answer these two questions
for me If you can
L When will the pavement be I'm
ished on Montana Street2
2 When I drive over the finished
portion at night, my automobile light
shows it full of ridges and depresslons
"a regular corduroy surface-althougn
the entire piece of work has not YET
been opened to traffic IS this good
pavement
Reader.
Having no oracles or second sight
people on its staff, The Herald cannot
answer your first question Il was
only commenced in Nay and this is only
September. Relative to the ridges and
depressiOns in the pavement. our suS-
gestiOn is that you turn off your lights
at night. then you won't see the de-
fects- There viii be no danger OF being
arrested. as a policeman was never seen
in that section AS to whether II IS a
good pavement or not, the question IS
referred to the mayor and city council:
who. of course would not accept II II
il were not.-EditOrl
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
Mrs. JOHN r. MCLEAN ILL.

Bar Harbor. Maine, Sept 6.-The con
dition of Mrs. John r. Mclean, who
became i'll of pneumonia on Sunday,
was considered serious today. She is
being attended by Washington, Phil
adelphia and Bar HarbOr physicians,
seven Of whom have been in consul
tation.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
False Security Doesn't Cure

when effective
mortality the Mexican section down below the
= colonial
Of absurd to base
the number Of deaths
happened weekly Oneff OF the
gratifying exception the rule of high
mortality gratifying marked
false
isnerpretaon
by the department.
of
general officers of the Mexican
FL hotels banqueng each other
republic violating
rights o foreigners
all right Mexico y American should
readiness the American dismOu the Mexican
Smelling Past they 4 Nay year ago.
presidential feel starting
satisfactory Chihuahuans
in the by appointing relative governor?
picture applause
to
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
aUAKER AIEpITATIONs.
philadelphia Record.)


Tommy-"Pop, how do they get
sponges?'' TOmmy's Pop-"Oh, in
divers ways, my SON"
Time is money" quoted the Wise
Guy. Sure" assented the Simple
Mug. Just consider how time flies"
Blobbs-"There are always a lot Of
questionable characters around a rail-
road station" SlObbs-"Yes, especially
at the bureau Of information"
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
LETTERS TO
THE HERALD

Gan communications mEss bear the
signature Of the writer. but ths nams
viii not be published where such = "a
quest "a mad8.)
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06

barrel organs outside their offices in or
der to get enough pennies to pay the
rent for the day. There is now move
ment on foot to raise funds by solicit
ing 81 bills from the common people
and several of the latter have already
shown their interest by promising to
contribute such bills.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
The Speed Of Thought

= of the Mexican that Mr. oPo7CO
breaking flying does not hesitate
= him few hundred miles each night and transport MN over ~
fabulous
military for they can pursue
which quicker tha hgn
generals conaDe anu
happy the without scratching
off their putte, furnishing their shoulder Straps
pleasure to testify that the federa good deal more
in the rebels ever We ana mat
look around the streets
arrest robbery were all too common
rebel regime
The Hbs are looking IOneinelv across border have
nothing spontaneous about It, and 1t IS
he is going take Texas IN two
weeks fighting be concentrated at Tex
kama prevent Ddapp carrying out his threat
for get nd of few
thousand poles should down with
outlying sections perhaps
induce the companies to cooperate
to the me poles n many instances
regular Republican party in New Mexico lose BY
well informed
personal among has
ready t his place
BroOmoorn has
always fully justify its
a
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
7-IIRTY-sECO YEAR OF PUBLICATION

TLuRTY-SECOND YEAR OF PUBLICATION
as H A J.
Water, A L Ramsey ' -
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06
WONDERFUL PROGRESS IS MADE IN CHEMISTRY

Scientists To Energies Developing
Wire Is a Possibility.
By FREDERIC J. HASKIA.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06

Bmcorn
cuitva a
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1912-09-06

denounced by experts not worth dev
produce 1-16th of the worlds copper.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
he DIDN'T LOOK THE PART.

Native wit received its just reward
the other day at the Pennsylvania sta
ton. Sam, one of the colored porters,
sspied tired-looking colleger bearing
\ heavy English bag, and, sliding along
side, proffered his services. The weary
traveller accepted the assistance, but
not without all the reluctance natural
to an able-bodied man. AS they walk
ed along he looked down at the small
darby straining under his burden, and
his misgivings seemed to get the bet
ter of him.
Here" he said, reaching out hand.
"you better let me have that. am
stronger than you are"
But Sam sidled OF, protesting.
"Yes, boss" he admitted hastily, you
is stronger than me, heap stronger,
but you see, boss, you amt dressed for
the part"
Needless to say he kept the bag,
and, when he returned, his expressive
countenance was lighted by 25-cent
grin.-New York Sun.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
PROSPECT GOOD FOR
MORE ELECTR0uERS
Frank ]. Murphy in the City Dis
GUESSING the Question With
Property Owners.

Although much talk has been
heard on the matter of the electrol-
iers being placed in front of the
business houses on Des Moines
street, nothing definite has yet been
done. Frank ]. Murphy. represent
ing the Mcdonald Boiler & Iron
Works OF Des Moines. visited the city
Friday in connection with the in
stalling of the improvement. The
Mcdonald company is the firm who
furnished the Second street poles
and the talk OF using more Of them
having reached the capital city
brought their man here. While in
the city Mr.. Murphy conferred with
R. J. Mullins and the property own
ers on Des Moines street, furnishing
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06

them with the necessary information
as to the purchase OF the standards.
In his interviews with property own
ers on the proposed street Mr.. MUIR
ply found the majority OF them
highly in favor OF installing his
poles. 1t is probable that an order
for them will be given in the next
week or So The electroliers on Sec
ond street have given satisfaction to
the business men and have been the
source of much favorable advertise
ment for the city. With them on
Des Moines street as well as the
main thoroughfare the city would
certainly take on a Metropolitan
appearance.
Should the obtaining OF poles for
Des Moines street be made sure 1t Is
not known as to Just where they
will be placed. 1t is the desire OF
those interested in the project to
string them from the Illinois Central
depot to the court house. However,
as there are residences on the street
between these points it is feared
that the improvement will prove too
costly for some
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
HIbernation Of Mosquitoes.

DR.. Howard OF the department Of
agriculture, who probably knows as
much OF the mosquito and its habits
as any other man in the world, con-
tends that this cosmopolitan pest
does not necessarily perish with the
coming Of winter. On the contrary,
mosquitoes have been observed to
hibernate, adult specimens living
from November until the succeeding
April or May with all their powers Of
torment unimpaired, although their
activity is suspended in winter. The
mosquito needs but little food, and
1t is the female that thirsts for blood.
the males contenting themselves with
water and vegetable fluids.
The fact that mosquitoes are often
found upon dry prairies many miles
from water Is ascribed to the long.
evity Of the adults Of certain species
which enables them to survive sea
sons of drought. Railroads have been
responsible for the transmission OF
mosquitoes into regions where they
were previously rars.-HArper's Week
lY.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
WOULD he ADVERTISE,

Mr.. Meekins was habitually all that
the first syllable Of his name might
imply, but a day came when the worm
turned at last and spoke his mind
freely to that other member of the
domestic firm who had assumed lead.
ership. Mrs. M stood aghast and
then remarked ominously:
Timothy, you'd regret those words
II you should suddenly lose your wife"
ooh, don't want to lose her." came
the cheerful retort, "but there are
times when I'd like very much to mis-
lay her for a few hours."-Harper's
Bazaar
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06

In Lent.
The following conversation was
overheard on Dorchester trolley car
by the Looker-On: One girl was quiz
zing another and she suddenly asked
her:
ooh. what did you give up through
Lent?"
Judge of the surprise OF the first
girl when the demure little maid from
Dorchester replied:
Visits from my young man."
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
Theory and Practice.

II am friend of the people" said
he. THE people must rule"
But" reported courtier, the peo-
pie are opposed to the measure you
propose They don't want II"
"They don't. eh?" said he, banging
the table. "I'll show 'em. If they op-
pose me I'll slap tax on the lawn
mowers, and make every one of 'em
sweat for it."
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
Knew Hi. rlmeplees.

'Hello, Rummel! I hear you had
your watch stolen the other day."
yes. but the thief is already caught.
Just think, the fool took it to the pawn
shop, and there they Immediately rec
ognized 1t as mine. and detained him"
-EliegeDde Blaetter.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
A Gutter.
He lost his hold
And heaved a sigh:
II truth were told.
He wouldn't try.
In Honor Of the Day.

In Honor OF the Day.
Student--Whats the meaning OF
these flowers?
Landlady-Oniy a gentle reminder.
sir. IT'S exactly year today since
you paid me your rsnt.-F1isgsuds
Batter.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
BY Mutual conces sion.

$50 you've named the baby at last, "
remarked the caller.
yes" said the young professor.
"My wife insisted on Clarence and
I was equally determined on 'Pytha-
goras, so we compromised, and his
full name is Clarence Pythagoras Nc
GOOGLE. Sounds rather striking, don't
you think?''
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
To Bad Uses.

Mr.. Cutplug where is
that bundle of pipe cleaners / had on
the mantel?
His Wife-There they are.
Mr.. Cutplug-Where? don't see
them.
His Wife--Here. on my hat-I made
an aigrette of them.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
Enough Said.

Enough Said.
"A small man committed 3 brave
act at the county courthouse yester
day"
What did he dot"
"He got married"
'rWhy do you consider that such 8
brave act?"
Il saw the woman he married"
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06

Unres permanently sne caves No mlsEsk1I
- sends the incusabls home witho9e taking
10 from them. This 10 Why he sen9inuae Mt
vsstts year after year, while other doctors bay
Hnade few visits and stopped. Dr. Shallenhsy
1T - an eminently successful specialist IN 81
.Aronic Diseases proven by. the many ours
sflected 10 chronic cases which have bsStied tn
skin Of all other physicians. His hosp tai o.
eerionco and extensive practice Navt 'aie hii
o. proicient that he can marc III iO> Sc {. js
1A5o In q few minutes
Treats ali durable cases Of Catar,tl, Eas,
Throat and Lung diseases. Eye and +.
Stomach. liver and Kidneys, Gravel. Rheun'
lism, Paralysis, Neur aigia, Nervous ard Hes
diseases, Blood and Skin diseases. Ept!eps
Brlght's Disease and Consumption In "s.f
asage; diseases Of theBladder and Female OrgaL
Liquor and Tobacco habit. StaDmering chr.
snd sure methods to prevent Its recurrence give
A never failing remedy for Big Neck.
PILES. FISTULAE and RUPTURE puarsi
iced cured without detention from pushes
Special attention given to all Surgicp
enses, and all diseases OF tho Eye, Ehi
Nose and Throat.
Graniiate,
rynSar~r< f1roaa afro VobsanoN p-Ish p,y
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06

Not an inheritance.
Els that your little boy?"
eyes. That's my Tommy"
II should have known him any
where. He has his fathers family
nose"
"Nothin' of the kind, ma'am. It
was Jimmy Stadgers, mex door, that
gave i'm that lump
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
Had Noticed II.

Had Noticed II.
Mr.. Richfello-Isn't Miss De Murt
pretty when she bushes?
Miss Beauti-Yes. / noticed 1t tbs
other day. 1t was the first time even
saw her face color"
Indeed! What was she blushins
over"
"Over a plate of hot soup"
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
Characteristic.

"That old financier's last words
were characteristic Of him."
What were they?"
HE died at the age Of eighty-nine
and said he hated to 60 at so far be
low par."-Judge.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
Craved Safety.

Captain" said a wealthy passenger
who was about to take his first trip
across the ocean, IT understand this
ship has got several water-tight COM
partments?"
Eyes, sir" was the reply.
Captain" the passenger went on
decidedly, II want one O. those COM
partments-I don't care what It
costs london Telegraph.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06

Gustason's meat speaks for Itself.
Martin phones 778, S7s and S7SM.
Ind. 1876. d-n
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06

( Mrs. Newwed-"He who rocks the
cradle rules the world" don't forget
that.
Mr.. Newwed-Then you come in and
rule the world awhile; I'm tired.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06

In daintily furnished room of a lit
tie fiat in Queens Club Gardens, q
woman lay dead upon the bed with an
empty phial in her hand. There We're
traces of tears upon her white, cold
cheeks; her closed eyelids were swoll-
en-. Her lover had failed her. There
nothing before her but the streets.
So she, too, had played the game"
God will decide who played it best.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06

A Sad Awakening.
A dreamer of dreams woke up one day
And what do you think he found?
A bundle of bills that he could not pay
And collectors shopping around.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
A Great Adventure.

Her little heart Is beating high.
Her little feet are cold;
She skips away where none may spy,
To have her fortune told. .
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
Mo RUNNING up for Him.

.s No Running Up for Him.
Russell-Jones is rather lazy. isnt
he?
Hussell-Lazy! Why, in using an
escalator he remains On the exact spot
he got on.
Webster City freeman. [volume] (Webster City, Hamilton County, Iowa) 1884-1946, 1912-08-06
Sic Justitia.

When lovely womant stoops 20 folly
And gets the man she tries u kin,
The jury soothes her mslancholy
And sends her into vaudeville.
The Washington herald., 1912-11-01
RAILROADS OBJECT
TO LARGE TRUNKS
Baggage Men Appear Before Inter.
state Commerce Commission
and State Their Case.

The Interstate Commerce Commission
took up yesterday for consideration the
proposition Of the railroads of the coun.
try to restrict the size OF trunks or bag.
gage carried by passengers. The West
ern carriers have filed with tho Commits
sion regulations providing that baggage
must not exceed forty inches IN dimen-
sion, that Is. IN breadth or length. and II
It does. there will be heavy excess bag
gage rates. The Eastern carriers pro-
vide for baggage with . maximum d.
mension Of forty-five inches
ly protested against the proposed regula-
ton. and their representatives were on
hand to-day to cross-examine the wit
nesses placed on the stand BY the car
riera
E.. L. Bevington. secretary Of the
Transcontinental Passenger Association,
summarized the railroads. side. He said
that unwieldy baggage Of all kinds was
now handled by the railroads under GUS
toms that have grown up. and the rail-
roads wanted q maximum established SO
that space in baggage cars would not be
unnecessarily wasted.
the Chicago and Northwestern. testified
as to the handling Of baggage. and he
said that forty inches had been decided
upon by the Western carrisrA as the
maximum because such q maximum
would allow the baggage to be piled in
two tiers. one on either side Of the car.
and allow an aisle Of twenty-three inches
between. Baggage cars, he said. were
los inches wide. and an allowance Of five
inches was made for heating apparatus.
1O8 inches for two tiers of trunks
and an aisle of twenty-three inches.
The hearing will be continued to-day.