The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1912-08-08
A STUPID
LAWYER
By c. D. ARKWRICHT

higher In my profession: it is fate
When graduated from the law schoo
my ambition was to be some day chief
justice of the United States. In two
months / was ready to accept the at
torney generalship. Then / fell In the
scale to covet a fair practice And
now l am shyster. / am the mean
est kind of q shyster. / devote my
time to separating those whom God
has Joined together, not the higher,
but the lower classes. l have secured
divorce for a fee of SIS.
One day young couple came to my
Office to get divided. Their-ages were
the man nineteen, the girl eighteen.
He wore threadbare coat that indi-
Gated he was or had been a street car
conductor.
Mr.. Lawyer" he said. II suppose it
costs a lot to get divorce. We had
to sell our furniture to raise the mon
ey. But we got $50 for it. Here 1t
is"
He opened a pocketbook and took
out FIVE dirty ten dollar bills. His
wife stood by looking like a young
thundercloud.
whats the trouble?" I asked.
Both began to talk at once, each
abusing the other in disconnected
way. / caught as much as I could Of
what they said, but was unable to
gather the slightest cause for divorce
from either.
"That'll do said YOU" address
ing the husband, have treated your
wife abominably. And you" to the
wife, "have done a number of things
you wouldn't have done had you been
older and more experienced. In order
to secure a divorce for you you must
act tremendously, for legally the
grounds for an action on either side
are very weak You must throw off
this antagonism long enough to form
with me plan for separation. | shall
be busy for about an hour, and mean
while | wish you to sit down on that
to the days when you were counting.
Think about the first kiss, the putting
on of the engagement ring / see on
that round finger. Then the wedding
and all that. II you keep thinking
about these things till get through
some other cases we can all act togeth-
er for a divorce"
They did as I told them to do, but
took seats as far apart as possible and
at first 1t looked as though nothing
would be gained. They sat thus, both
bolt upright for awhile, but kept an
eye on them and saw that they were
trying to keep their minds ON what
had indicated. In about half an hour
l gathered up some papers and went
into another room. When l returned |
half the distance between them had |
been eliminated Encouraged, | hunt |
ed for paper l had left on my table |
and Went out again. When / returned |
the wife was wiping away tears. The |
husband, judging from his expression,
was endeavoring to steel himself
against a reconciliation.
left the room again, telling them
that would return in about forty min
utes, when | should expect them to
have got rid Of enough antagonism to
work together and with me TO secure
the divorce. Il fear" | said to the
nt fault in this matter than your wife.
are nourishing the bitterness in you
and will spoil it ALL"
With this | made another trip and
was gone an hour. Then, returning, i
stood at the door listening. heard
he husband saying that it had been
Ill his fault and the wife saying that
It had been all her fault. and they
we're calling each other 'dearie" and
and lot of other pet
names. | entered the room suddenly
md found them locked in each others
lrms II
We'll" said. 1--WE come to a stop
1ing place in other business and am
low ready for you two" (
They arose from the sofa, and the {
husband said they'd been talking the
natter over and If / didn't mind the !
disappointment they would try to get [.
III together for awhile longer. Taking J
mt his pocketbook, he offered to pay
ne what fee | asked for taking up my
line, but | told him there would be
10 charge. l asked him if he couldn't |
nut the money back into his furniture,
nd he said he thought he could At
ny rate. he would try. Before they t
eft me | made them promise that IL c
hey changed their minds and should I
onclude, after all, to secure divorce !
hey would give me the job. This they
romised to do as some compensation
Or my disappointment in not having ;
cen employed already, for they were
DO stupid to see through the ruse that {
ad prevented permanent breach be- I
ween them. v
cts bard on you, Mr.. Lawyer, to ex- !
ect you We're going to get good fee !
nd then not get 1t, but you'd ought
, have seen that makeup In order
, get the divorce was the same as c
laking up regular"
Just so, my boy" l replied. IF
on come back here again for a di-
orce won't be so tarnation stupid" T
They never came back for divorce, i
ut one day prosperous looking young In,
ian came into my Office and asked II :
remembered him. l said / did not,
nd he told me that | was the lawyer
koI af |