Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-07-18
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AT by Roy k.Moulton. q

wasn't fluent enough without 'em.
Uncle Ezra Harkins went to sleep
back of the stove during the sermon
at the Hardshell church Sunday We
ming and didn't wake up until Monday
afternoon. Rev. Hanks says If he tried
to wake up all the members of his con-
gregation after church he wouldn't get
home himself until midnight, so he lets
EN- dream.
The lighting system of Hickeyville
was out Of commission last Thursday
night. Station Agent Jordan forgot to
get any Oil for the switch lights.
Luke Hanks Is putting barbed wire
FENCES all around his place SO as his
hired man can't sit down. He expects
to save a lot of money in that way.
The Hardshell people are thinkin' Of
building a new church. All OF the seats
will be back seats and there will be a
brick wall between the choir and the
congregation. Let the Improvement go
on.
Miss Amy Pringle's new skirt is so
tight that she has to stand up and eat
her meals off'n the mantel.
Constable Ezra land is investigator
the mysterious disappearance of Anse
Frisby's duck pond, which occurred one
night last week.. 1t Is thought that some
culprit who is an enemy Of Anse bored
a hole In the bottom of the pond and
let the water all out.
GETTING AN ACCIDENT POLICY.
Accident policies will happen in the
best regulated families. The last time
we got n 1t vas a very simple mat
ter. After the physical examination,
which lasted three hours M q half,
we were obliged to fill out a blank
answering the following questions:
Where We're o born and, if 80. how
much.
Did you grandfather nave fits, and
how many? Did he have them fire..
quently or only every five minutes
or so?
Do you expect to live until next De-
cember, and. IL so, what reason have
you for doing so?
Were you ever killed before. and, IL
so. how many times? Please fill in
particulars in each case.
DO you ride in automobiles or dodge
them" This is important.
Do o engage in the pleasant but
perilous occupation of trying to sell
books from house to house on the in
stallment plan? This is considered an
extreme risk.
Did your greatgrandfather ever have
the humps? How many and on which
side; your fathers or mothers side?
Did you ever break you collarbone
or your right forearm trying to button
a 16 collar on a Is shirt. If not, why
not?
Do you believe in embalming or Gre
nation?
Do you use liquor or patent medicine?
How many times have you had the
ID. It's? Describe the geological dis
play you witnessed each time.
DC o go around looking for
trouble or do your wife's folks come
and visit you without being invited?
WHEN PA LEAVES HOME.
Pa leaves home each blessed morning
with his ringing in his head:
Don't forget to bring q spool of No.
so cotton thread.
Stop and tell he plumber surely that
u pipes nave sprung a leak.
ASK the grocer for those berries that
he promised us last week.
Stop and buy some meat for supper
don't get pork chops, beef Or
lamb,
Don't forget to buy a glass of that
1O-cent raspberry jam.
Stop n ask about those photos, see
If you can get a proof.
Tell the tinsmith to get busy and come
up and fix the roof.
There's no Goa left in the basement,
better order up a on.
See If fish are in the market. Get a
rout if they have one.
Bring three yards of baby ribbon;
ask them for an Alice blue.
Get a small can of pimentoes and a
cucumber or two.
If they've any nice head lettuce, bring
along a pound of that.
On your way home stop and see If
they have finished my new hat.
Get a teething ring for baby and a
half pound of nails;
While you're in the hardware store Just
bring along two 1O-quart pals.
Don't forget to buy some fixings to
repair the garden hose.
Take my glasses, have them t%ightened:
they won't stay upon my nose.
Don't forget the Sunday dinner. Get a
chicken. il they're nice.
Better stop in. sure. this morning and
tell them to start u ice"
ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER.
The main difference between a Jour-
nalist and a newspaper man Is that the
latter can make a living at it.
Elmer Jones says he can eat almost
ANYTHING. Mfnce pie ought to hit him
about right, then.
Hold Purdy says he very rarely goes
by a saloon and he never does unless
his wife is watchin' him.
Some fellers don't believe in signs,
but the fact will always remain that
the best buckwheat cakes are the ones
that have the most holes in them.
Elmer Jones has written a musical
comedy that will probably never be
produced. He made the fatal mistake
OF putting a plot into 1t.
UNNECESSARY NOISES.
Those new spring socks.
Joe RlilQV- Of TpYqS