The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1912-12-19
Recruiting Officer Pal
Golden Here Relates Re
markable Story.

South American country have pro-
syided Golden With material for nav
al yarn that for pure unadulterated
audacity has tho Ananias Club
backed OF the sphere. Since, how
ever, Pat wakes indignant il the
breath OF q doubts cast on the mar
rative, and. moreover, vouches for the
authenticity Of the story, he almost
pereuades his listeners to beliye that
t'Awkins's experiences were no myth.
'.4wkins, commenced Golden. as he
raised The window 20 admit OF what
little breeze there Was outside to en-
Tier the stuffy Office, 'Awkins was what
you would call character. was
With him on the old sloop of war
! Marion. A few years ago the Marion
! was swinging at an ebb tide at Puenta
Arenas, Chile, and asbunch OF quarter
gunncrs were. grouped around the
forward pivot gun on the forcastle.
EARLY one morning we were discuss-
Ing every conceivable topic within
the. range of human thought, from
I estcric philosophy to Darwinian
theory. When ,Awkins, ten days over
iieaye stepped from the liberty boat
ION deck placid and dignlfeds with q
quizzicai smile playing about his
1eyes, and settled look :of. soiennity
on his leathery visage. 'AwRlns ap-
preached with rolling gait and sa4
futed the quarter deck serenely.
squiils, the captain, wishes to sec
you in his cabin Immediately, said
the officer of the deck Aye, aye, sir,
responded 'Awkins. as he-ambled aft.
Speculation. was rife among the crew
as to what kind of an excuse 'Awkins
would put up to the captain for over.
staying his leave. / was not worry
ing much myself, because l knew the
Britisher could frame up yarn that
would bring tears to.-the eyes of
Chinese Junk. Presently 'Awkins
made his reappearance ana the boys
surget forward expectancy. With an
elaborate hitch Of his trousers and
squint from his starboafd eye, which,
as / knew, denoted success. Awkins
approached Calmly indifferent to
the chorus ofyoices -thatldemanded to
know why he was not at the bull
fight or anywhere around the last ten
days, 'Awldns squntted on a deck
chest and stamped down the tobacco
in his pipe with a horny finger, AT
last, after the silence became almost
Undesirable. 'Awkins slowly fixed US
with his eye and commenced.
/! AS you fellers know, II went ashore
to buy grub for the mess and spent
all the first day purchasing things /
thought you would like for your deli
cate stomach. When that was over
] kind of thought l would take a hike
around town like. outside the limits,
I must a travelled with hull set o
canvas spread, for after few hours
4 considered was about ten or
twelve miles beyond the outskirts OF
the bally berg. Thinking It was about
time for me to beat er back to town,
wore around just in time to get
swat over the top piece With be-
Toying pin which some land lubber
had 'eaved. Talk about stars, blarst
me, but seen more lights then in
two seconds than i seen in old Lon:
don all .ldy life. When I come to mo
natural senses ! Syas blindfolded and
was being, carried along in one of
them bloomin' paladin affalrs ike
I Hindian prince. ! managed to take
things pretty easy like, exceptin, Of
course, ! couldn't smoke. couldn't
hear q word spoken, but the most in
fernal sneezin' ever card in me.
life. One of the blarsted hombres
would let out sneeze and would get
battery in return. After about
couple of hours march they set me
down and took the pad offe me eyes.
Blarst them. then began the greatest
noise l. ever card, Talk about a
sufFragette bunch ratdin parliament,
1T wasn't in it. The people, funny.
little devils, crowded around me,
sneezing right and left, l began to
wish / had brought me oil skins.
They understood each other all right,
but to me, the bloomin lingo resem-
bled an old ladies' tea party, with too
much smut. They locked me in the
calaboosei' but soon got OIL friendly
terms with the head Jimmie Legs.
and when held up anything he would
name it. with sneeae. began to
get on 70 their frizzled talk and in
six orseven days, by tickling my
throat, could rip. out some fairy good
sized words. One day the guard told
ne that the old shorter, the high
falutin king of the sneezers was
called Aucheek, and that he was 60
u