The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1912-05-18
Il SHE OCTCL.ASSED THE AGENT. @
(Chicaeo Ncvs.)

N&lllcdSt .\tNS.)
Nothing is moro cA~asrcratins.'
said the elderly man at the door,
than 10 toll in Your garden for DAYS
YOUR plants and vines destroyed by
bugs, catcrrillars and other noxious
Hermim. As the father of a famill
who has tried TO provide garden sass
for many hungry mouths ! know
whereof / speak. | had seen my gar
den aid dcsolato year after year
madam and Was almost i'll despair
when | read in a scientific publication
that Prof. Dinkcnspieler. the WORLD
preparation which was death 10 al
such pests. 1t is a marvellous com.
pound
".All compounds sold by agents are
marvellous" said Mrs. Curfew. "and
they ar" all prepared by eminent
scientists Of buds and roots and barks
and they're all highly Endorsed by the
bishop of kalamazoo and other digni.
%taries: but when a wonlan spends SO
cents for one of these marvellous COM
pounds she is storing up trouble for
tn" future.
Mrs. Sparks has had 81 much trou.
bic because of agents thai she has de
rided to sell the farm and move to
town. and h advertised the place for
sale. and the other day Mr.. Perkins,
d wealthy neighbor. went over to talk
about buying it. and he sat ON the
porch talking to Mrs. Sparks. and it
seemed as though the place was as
good as sold at a high figure. Poor
Mrs. Sparks was so interested in this
matter that she forgot to watch her
husband. and he straycd down to the
gate. where he met Al agent. and the
agent sold him 10 boxes of corn salve,
which was perfectly ridiculous. as no.
body on the place has corns.
Tho agent, after getting the money
gave Mr.. Sparks a cigar. which he said
vas imported from Key West or some
such place. Mr.. Sparks. with all his
faults. doesn't smoke. hut he took the
cigar just the same, and presently he
came TO the porch where Mrs. Sparks
and Mr.. Perkins were talking. and he
handed the cigar to Mr.. Perkins. Mr..
Perkins lit up and vent on talking
abou the farm. saying he'd buy it and
would make a payment next day. and
all of a sudden that cigar blew ia
pieces n the air was full Of roman
candles and rockets and things. the
cigar being loaded with Fourth OF
July ingredients. Mr.. Perkins whisk.
ers were on fire and the row he raised
was ~scandalous. and he went away
swearing in ever so many languages
and Of course he didn't buy the farm.
AS for your b%ug-killing medicine,
/ wouldn't have it at any price. and ]
must say that if you are the father
of a family. as you gay you are. you
might be in better business than going
around with all the buttons off your
vest. Fostering busy women who need
every minute Of their time to get din.
ner ready. bought such a medicine
last spring of an agent who came and
talked until l al exhausted. saying
that his marvellous compound wa in.
vented by Mr.. Fairbanks of Indiana,
who resigned from the vice presidenc,
in order to discover a bug remedy
Well. ! bought the compound and
sprinkled it on my potato vines and
my next-door neighbours chickens
came over and were ali poisoned, dy-
ing in great agony, and there is still
a great deal Of litigation over the mat.
ter.
so you go along and let me do my
homework and, II you will take the
advice Of a woman who is old enough
to be your aunt. you will quit coins
from house to house trying to sell
things with bugs and banks in them
and do something useful"