The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-10-15
THE EVENING STORY
No Proposals.
Bv Lawrence Alfred Clay.


| (By Lawrence Alfred C1ay.)
On a Wednesday forenoon in the
month of July Aunt Mildred Spooner
donned her hat and walked from her
cottage to the Office of Squire Lap
ham and said:
Squire. I want to sue man."
E'ImpossibleI" he gaSped.
Yes, 1 want to sue Ephriam Will
let's
.'oh, Lord"
For a million dollars!'
Aunt Mildred Spooner was 81 years
old that very day. She had never
married nor had an offer of marriage.
She was rather plain looking, but that
had not counted so much against her.
She had simply been left over while
other plain looking girls found hus-
bands She did not seem OF care, and
her closest friends said she didn't
care She lived quietly and peace
fully and had no enemies.
To have asserted that Aunt Mil
something unbelievable, and yet she
bred was a schemer would have been
was at the squire's Office that day
to furnish proofs against herself.
The scheming had been going on for
aunt Mildred. amt you feeling well
today?" asked the squire after a closer
look at her
Never felt better. When can be-
gin the 1aWSuit?
"You want to sue Ephriam willets.
What for?''
For disappointing me about mar
riage.''
.@Why-why, Ephrfam has been a
widower for some years, but I never
heard he was counting YOU
IF it hasn't been counting then I
don't know what to call it. He hasn't
Tilted me, but he's fingered along till
I am tired of it, and am going to sue
him and hurry him up. Here's my
diary for the last three years, and L
want to read you some extracts.
August II, 19O4-Ephriam Willets
called to sell me some butter. Said 1
didn't look a day over 35. Said there
were q dozen chances for me yet, and
patted me on the arm as he said it,"
Yes, Ephriam is always joking"
observed the squire.
And listen to this:
October 8, same year-Ephriam
brought me a bushel of potatoes, and
he devoured an apple pie had in the
house. He said I reminded him of a
snowbird, and that he just dotted on
snowbirds. Said he was lonely with
out wife. Pressed my hand as he
went away
But he didn't propose" said the
squire.
mot right out, but listen again:
November II, same year-Ephraim
brought me a chicken as a present
Said he picked out the tenderest one
he could find in his flock. Said he
wanted to match my tender heart
Ate up whole sweetcake I had just
baked, and said that a man who had
wife that could do such making
was surely a happy man."
But you can't call that a proposal,
either"
mo? Well, you hold on a bit long
er. Hear this:
November 25, same year-Ephraim
was here to Thanksgiving dinner. He
ate roast beef, Eaters, cranberry sass,
hot bread, frosted cake, currant jelly
and rice pudding, and drank coffee
and cider. Shooke hands with me
across the table five times. Called
me a quail, snowhird, a lark and a
robin. Said the Lord never made
more than five such women as me.
Said if he married again. and he
thought he would, he hoped to get one
of the fve.''
But he didn't say you" said the
squire.
But. as the other four died long
ago. he must have meant me-
You have more to read
81 have memoranda running through
three years. Ephriam grows holder
ard holder as time goes no. That is,
he comes higher and higher asking
me to be his snowbird. Here is the
last extract:
''Oct. 5. 190S.-Ephriam called this |
afternoon. He seemed greatly cast |
down. When I asked him if he had |
lost a COW he replied that the trouble !
was with his heart. He loved, but |
feared he was not loved in return. |
When he shed tears, 1 told him he !
had better find out whether his love !
was reciprocated or not. He said he /
thought he would. and then ate al
most a whole loaf of bread, a pound |
Of cold meat and three dishes of
apple sass. AS he left the house he
asked me if he might call me his lit
tie gosling.''
well, why haven't you and Erh
been married % asked the squire.
Because he hasn't asked me to be
his wife,
"Hoot, toot! Is he calling on you
yet ?"
Two or three times a week, as ev-
erybody but you knows"
And what does he say after all
his timer
Here are the fond names he calls
ne: Snowbird, wren, sparrow, COS
ing. lam bkin, robin, whippoorwil1,
Dluebird, honey-suckle, wild rose AMI
asparagus. He also pats me on the
shoulder and presses my hand"