The Irish standard., 1912-07-27

. SECRETARY.]
the ladies, and may that day dawn
soon, for we need it, gentlemen-we
need it for the preservation of the
Union"
The applause that greeted this pro-
found assertion was gratifying to the
Major; but no sooner had it subsidized
than voice 1--WE would say it was
Mr.. Hooligan who spoke if we were
to make any assertions short of ab-
solute fact in these notes, but, as wa
are not, we will not presume to say
who the speaker was)-a voice re-
marked: I'm afeard it'll cause di-
vorce an break up unions" This alb
surd evidence of levity was greeted
by laugh and applause at the Ma
jor's expense. About the time every
one was ready to conclude that the
Major either had every one else con-
WINGED, or If there were any who did
not believe with him they would be-
afraid to oppose their convictions to
those of their leader, Mr.. Hooligan
rose, smiling and bowling apologet-
ically.
me frinds," began Hooligan, II
know how wake me arg minis III seem
whin opposed to those Nv our great
leader, but I've g. burnin' conviction
not that he's wrong, but that I'm
right. I move to argue me pint"
every remarkable courage" said the
Major; very, proceed"
"Now suppose Mrs. Hooligan was
suffrangit, an suppose she had an
ambition to be alderman, as I think
she'd have. When the campaign 'ud
begin me beloved spouse 'ud put box
of ciga-ars under one a-arm an
| box Nv candy undher the other an
sta-art out. Whin she'd meet Clancy
an his wife she'd say, Mrs. Clancy.
| will We have a piece iv candy an Mr..
Clancy Won't We smoke one Nv ME
ciga-ars? Shure I'm SO glad to see
We. Why don't We ever come over"
Be way Nv diversion she'd rema-ark,
'Yis the women all wanted me to
rhun. Nv coorse I don't care a rap If
I'm bate. AS it is, I think I'd rather
| be bate. But I thought I'd rhun to
phase me supporthers.' Now if Mrs.
Clancy thoughtlessly REMARKED,
hope yell get bate to phase ye,' what
do We think 'ud happen?
can what 'ud happen to me if I
didn't have the flure swep an the
dinner ready an the childer dhressed
whin she got home? It's me that 'ud
look lov'ly stirrin' up a batch of bread
| an sweepin' flures with me dustin
cap on, while me lovin' wife 'ud, be
fghtin' CALAMITY for. the progressive
| principles of sociable enters and tbs
| swattin' the fly propaganda. An
mebbe she'd be fer swattin' more thin
| the fly If adhered to the grand ould
! principles Nv Democracy an she be-
! come one Of those high geared Oysh-
| ter Bay progressives that spheeds
| over the coorse with ears back an
| spa-arks flynn from every hoof. Yis,
I'm afeard we min 'ud have to take
to the attic or the basemint while the
campaign was on in ordher to pre-
serve the union"
This last allusion was too much for
the Majors indignation. He arose
and proceeded down the aisie for
conference with Hooligan-at least it
seems fair to assume that it would
be only a conference. The ridiculous
banner on his back again attracting
attention, another ripple of laughter
followed. The Major demanded to
know the cause of the objectionable
levity. On being apprised of the rea-
! son, he tore the banner from his back
and read 1t. II can't stand for this"
he shouted and rushed out of the hall.
! It was afterwards learned that no
sooner had he reached the door than
he fell into a fit of laughter at the
ridiculous appearance he must have
| presented. HIS purpose IN Tusnln8
out of the hall was to prevent hav-
ing it said that he so far lost control
of himself as to actually smile in his
official capacity as presiding officer at
a meeting of the McGinnis Club.
When he had regained his composure
he opened the door Just wide enough
to admit his head and shouted, '"The
meeting stands adjourned"