The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1912-06-06
THE COLONEL AND THE
HEAVENLY CHOIR


HEAVENLY CHOIR
The following story which sets
forth the dominant characteristic Of
man very much IN the public eye
Just now, Is credited to Ed. V. Will
liams of Springfield, Mo, "A former
Pennington boy, and will be appre-
ciated 10y his old friends as well as
others. 1t is clipped from II Spring.
field paper and runs as follows:
The latest Republican campaign
story involving the Taft Roosevelt
fight for the presidential nomination
has been sprung by Ed V. Williams,
who never fails to have Ia good tale
on tap. To add to the enjoyment
they afford, they are generally yarns
no one else has ever before heard.
"Col. Roosevelt died and went to
Heaven, asserts Mr.. Williams, who
seems to know the future as well as
the past and present. "When be
had concluded his trip around over
the City of Gold. he was asked as to
his opinion OF his new abiding place.
"'l like everything bully up here,
declared the colonel. AN that you
have shown me is great, but hardly
believe that the heavenly choir is up
to the standard. Who looks after
that, anyhow
Why, st. Peter has charge of
all the musical arrangements, was
the response. But If you don't like
that choir, Mr.. Roosevelt, let's go
right up to st. Peter and talk il
over. Perhaps you can suggest
some changes that will improve it. :
al certainly can't was the col
0uel's response. And, walking up
10 the guardian of the Gate, who
was about to let in Il new arrival,
the colonel said with proper author
ity:
I'D like to speak to you about
this choir, Peter, If you'll just step
this way II minute
Just moment, answered st.
Peter, till ! can let in this arrival
from Ohio.
"'Oh, let him wait till / get
through talking was the response,
and pulling the aged Saint away
from the gate, the Rough Rider
went on:
"I'm informed that you're the
musical director in charge of this
choir up here. Aren't your"
Yes, answered St Peter. What
about it?'
'Oh, nothing-except that don't
like i'll was the colonel's response.
1t seems all out of jibe-doesn'
sing right You ought to change it
around and get more volume out of
your singers
Well, welli' exclaimed st. Pet
er, rubbing his hands. j didn't
realize anything was that serious.
You've opened my eyes, Mr.. Roose-
velt,-r
Oh, never mind thanking me
for opening your cycs!' bashfully
broke in the colonel. I'm always
opening someone's eyes. | really
think That this choir could be i'm.
proved
"'What would you suggest, Mr..
Rooscvelt2' TREMENDOUSLY inquired
Peter. III see If it can't be attend
ed to Immediately
Well, | would suggest that you
place over here 10000 sopranos, in
stead bl lhe i,UUU You nave now.
over here | would place 5000 con.
traItOs, instead Of the 1900 now
used, while 1900 tenors would just
about meet the demands of the rest of
the choir.
As the colonel concluded, he mo-
toned to St. Peter and added:
Well, you might let that fellow
from Ohio in now, IL you want to.
Then he started to leave;
"'But Mr.. Roosevelt! suddenly
inquired Peter. You nave told me
to get 10000 sopranos, 5000 con-
traltUs and Il 900 tenors-'
Yes, broke In the colonel, Il
certainly said 10000 sopranos, 5000
and 1000 tenors. What
of it?'
But the basses,' exclaimed Pet
er. What about the basses?'
with magnificent wave OF his
hand, the colonel Immediately
brushed this difficulty out Of the way.
You old molly coddle' the col
onel exclaimed patiently, I'm going
to sing the bass myself