davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27
HUNOR or THE DIP

LADY, CUES you're gettin' a good
thing out O. tending the rich Smith boy,
a pretty good fee. Why? Lady-Weli I
hope you won't forget that my Willie
threw the brick that hit 'im.-Scribner's
Magazine.
The Last Straw.-An attendant at a
Kansas institute for the deaf and dumb
was undergoing a pointless rapld-ffre in
QUESTION at the hands of a female visitor
mutes to church2' she asked finally with
what was meant to be a plying glance at
the inmates nearby. by ringing tie
dumb bells, madam" retorted the ex-
asperated attendant-Judge.
But" asked Miss Matte Nay. did you
never have stage freight7' "OnIy once
replied the other land that was before
audience of only four or five people,
MY What was that?' "Out West You
see, the audience informed us that IL our
show didn't suit them they'd fill US full
of holes. Catholic Standard ana
Times.
us Tribble what you would call a learn
ed me?" mo. He has an idea that crom-
lechs can be had at a bakers shop
Birmingham Age-Herald.
She Knew.-"Miss Fanny. is that a
lanwidge that mans talking?' Yes.
Rose; he is a German, and he is studying
the English language" why, Miss
Fanny, we don't have to study English
We jes opens your mouth and talks
New york; have got to go to Chicago
for week, dear. WIfe-On business7
New York-What other reason could one
have for going to Chicago?-Judge.
Everything comes to him who waits.
suppose" said the restaurant diner
patiently. Eyes, suh," answered the
colored waiter; ''but the gentleman what
won't walt done gets his first-"-Lifs-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27
KANSAS.

Kansas-my old sweetheart of the West
ern plains,
Kansas, where the gods beStow alfalfa,
gas and grains
Kansas, where the cottonwood grows
faster than the oak;
Kansas, where the bullfrogs are the only
things that croak;
Kansas, where spring sunbeams coax the
buds to risk the frost;
Kansas, where the statesmen try to keep
from getting lost;
Kansas. bless your merry heart; magician
of the plains;
What means this springtirne blizzard that
ties up our railway trains?
Tone Brown, in the Eureka Demo-
cratic Messenger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27
DAFFYDHS
BY U. NOALL.

If a hobo cracked a joke would you
call it bum comedy"
(Pass me a toothpick, please. Some
endive is lodged in my lower jaw
If Captain Kidd buried his treasure
here where would Danbury Connect
cut?
Cts high time an undertaken was
called)
If tomahawk is a Ratchet is a chair
key? (Cherokee.)
(WaIla! WaIlal, WaIlailI But that is
some Indian humor.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

RURAL FREE DELIVERY.


DO you know it is not yet twenty
years since congress made the first
effort to establish rural free deliv-
cry of daily mail to farmers and all
rural population? Not twenty years
yet since the subject was first mem
toned on the floors of congress and
the congressman that did IL simply
begged and pleaded with congress
just to please allow an appropriation
of $4,000 for an experiment. And
who would you guess was the first
man to mention it in congress? Not
any of the great statesmen you hear
so much of in this country None of
the great progressives you hear so
much about whom naturally YOU
would suppose wouldn't allow a new
idea to get by them at ALL Not one
of these loud proclaimers ever
dreamed of this greatest of all mod
ern improvements. Not one in a
thousand knows, cares or ever dreams
that it was a southern man of great
literary genius discovered and sent to
congress by the Farmers Alliance of
Georgia in 1852 that first proposed
rural free delivery. 1t was on Feb
ruary II, 1893, that Thomas Z. Wat
son, a Georgia congressman, elected
by Alliance as a Populist, got through
congress the first appropriation of
$4,000 to give rural free delivery a
fair, square trial. 1t took long and
faithful work on the part of Watson
to get this first appropriation
through, but that was ALL From that
time o. nearly every ambitious con-
gresham in the country tried to get
finger in the pie, and many of them
yet try to claim the honor.-Leba-
non Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

Golfers is pointing it's scornful
fingers at many of the prominent Re-
publicans in the several states who are
supporting the Taft candidacy. All of
these men are mature in their years
and judgment. Their support was
keenly sought by Colonel Roosevelt
four years ago to bring about the
nomination and election of Mr.. Taft.
Have they changed. or is it their critics
who have?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

Colonel Roosevelt says he doesn't
need the delegates from California to
win the nomination. Evidently the col
onel has in mind the pulling off of the
impossible by taking the presidential
nomination without a majority of dele
gates. AS a matter of fact Colonel
Roosevelt needs the California delega-
ton and more other delegations than rs
can get
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
(From the New :

IFrom the New York Press.J
Youth for expressing opinion, age fer
weighing it.
After a girl finds out how man dances
she is willing to decide about his brains.
There are some men so destitute OF
sense that they think a pun by them Is
sanity.
What makes children so much more in
teresting than grow-ups is they don't try
to be.
A woman knows her husband is mighty
cross about a thing when it's too serious
for him to cuss over it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27
TIE RAsHFUL MAN.

A bashfu1 man who, can't think on
his feet breads nothing worse than get
ting in a tight place where he is vir-
tualIy compelled to make a few re-
marks for the good of the order or his
standing in the community. Usually
his performance isn't particularly sat
isfactory to either himself nor the as
sembled multitude or fraction thereof.
They can't help but feel sorry for him,
and wonder that he tries so hard when
there are others waiting with talk in
their system they must get out or
burst But there is this advantage in
such a performance: the b. m. seems to
talk longer than he Goes. Besides. the
oilv orators who follow may profit by
his example, and sit down as soon as
they should. But this latter possibility
is by no means a fixed rule or even a
good bet.-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

President Taft is, indeed, slow to
wrath. But when his dander does rise
he is as competent as any one to ex-
press his opinions in just as strong
terms as the occasion demands. And
the present occasion demands the
strongest The speeches the president
is making in the east these days are
well worthy of the attention Of every
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

officers of the Titanic, held at the
pleasure of the senate investigating
committee, are reported to be anxious
to get home. If they had been just
one-half as anxious for the safety of
that vessel on her maiden trip, they
would have been bound for home on
her tndaN
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27
FROM OTHER PENS
THE THIRD HAGUE TRIBUNAL.

THE THIRD HAGUE TRIBUNAL
With the American Society of Inter-
national Law meeting in Washington
this week, a discussion of the pro-
gramme of the third Hague Confer
ence, to be held in 1915, will be it's most
important feature.
The attitude of the Latin-American
republics at the meeting of jurists
will be watched with interest. as it Is
expected to be a forecast of their posi-
ton toward the United States at The
Hague. In the countless small Euro
pean and Asiastic imbroglios involving
the greedy mbition of the continental
world powers this nation is not particu-
larly interested. Our authorities of
international laws, however. are eager
to know whether the republics of South
and Central America are prepared to
accept the principle of arbitration in
the settlement of their many differ
ences, and whether they are willing to
fntrust their minor disagreements with
the United States to peaceable adjust
ment.
1t is matter of recent interest that
the American State Department. in ef-
feet. had to force Chile to accept arbi-
tration of the long-standing Alsop
claims. Other examples of the same
type might be sighted. If the republics
of the Western Hemisphere can be
placed on an arbitration basis a great
step III the QlFOCIlOn OF WOrlQ peace
will have been made.-Washingto
Herald
RECIPROCITY AND THE RECALL.
Mckinley favored reciprocity. Ted
dy, following on (after an assassin had
made way for him. declared he would
carry forward McKinley's policies.
Then the stand-patters captured Ted
dy, and he forgot all about reciprocity
for seven years.
Taft remembered. He negotiated a
reciprocity agreement. Then Teddy
remembered He was for reciprocity
while it was a going and popular meas
ure of proposed tariff reform.
Reciprocity was, however, rejected by
the Canadians. And now Teddy has
recalled himself. He is again opposed
to reciprocity.
Teddy was for Taft; he is opposed
to Taft. He was against third term:
he is for a third term. He is subject
to recall. except in one particular. He
is steadfastly for himself without any
shadow Of turning.-Philadelph Rec
ord.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

Mr. Roosevelt's supporters claim that
there is not a single thing in the now
famous correspondence in the Harves-
Ter Trust case for which Mr.. Roosevelt
should be criticized in the slightest. II
Mr.. Roosevelt were caught in the act
of robbing a bank, his friends would
insist that there was absolutely moth
ing wrong in his operations simply be-
cause he had cared to undertake them.
There can be no denying it, those are
the kinds of friends to have. But they
have no charity. They are altogether
too free in picking out errors in others.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

At least this is presidential cam
paign in which the "favorite SON
propaganda is not cutting much of a
figure. Senator Cummins is the latest
presidential aspirant to get turned
down with a thud by his party in his
own stale
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

Those captains who held up their
boats and delayed their passage by
three or four days on account of the
ice-packs in the North Atlantic can
never hope to get employment with the
great White Star line
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

If Colonel Roosevelt has not begun
TO fight yet, as he said recently, his
capacity as a fighter with words is
greater than that of any other human
who has ever lived on this mundane
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

1t will strike the ordinary man that
Colonel Roosevelt is going to be up
against it good and hard to explain
away his various statements in his cor
respondence with the then Attorney
General Bonaparte and Commissioner
Smith of the bureau of corporations, in
which he practically called off the
prosecution of the Harvester trust, for
a no better reason than that the trust
would oppose him politically. Nor
would it be surprising at all if Colonel
Roosevelt should say he never wrote
those letters, even though they have
been taken direct from the files of the
federal department of justice and sent
to the senate. Maybe Billy Loeb wrote
them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

Nor did Senator c. S. Huffman get
very far into the race for the Repub-
lican gubernatorial honor in Kansas
from which he has just retired.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

Naming the most beautiful mountain
nearest the South Pole after woman
IS not q warm recommendation, at any
rafa-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

Recent inheritance tax investigation
in New York has brought out the fact
that rnillionaires avoid making wills,
and the theory that they are super
atittous about it Rich men have not
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

Great news for the sentimentaIists.
The bells on the Campanile of Venice
are ringing once again.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

These April showers will probably
bring along the May flowers of 1912 in
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

The State Journal is e member Of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
&elegraph report of that great news or
Kanfxataon for the exclusive afternoon
publication IN Topeka
The news IS received In The State. Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pHIr-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27
A SATURDAY SERMON.

And beside this giving all diligence add
to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowl-
edge; and to knowledge temperance; and
to temperance patience; and to patience
goodness; and to goodness brotherly
kindness; and to brotherly kindness char
ity. II Peter I {: 8 to Z.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-04-27

FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1912-07-08

glass. through which Il current of
electricity was passed, producing the
peculiar glow known as flourescence
was suspended over a table, and in
a drawer beneath there was a paste
board box containing dozen IN
exposed photographic plates.
1T somehow happened that ONE keys
We're lying on the table just above the
drawer. When an attempt was aft
erWard made to use the plates for
Photographic purposes they We're
found to be logged" but on each one
of them Was Il fairly clear imprint of
the bunch of keys.
Thus it became apparent that rays
of some kind had penetrated through
the wooden top of the table and had
been so far interrupted by the keys
as to- make a shadow picture of the
latter on the Photographic plates. 1t
was at once obvious that a new fact
in physics had been discovered. and
thcr"upon a series of experiments was
undertaken With objects of various
kinds placed on the table top under
like conditions.
Everything in-~'nahle was tried.
One of Prof. Ruentgen's assistants
picked up a dead frog (Which had
been used for some other laboratory
work) and put it in the place ordin-
arilN occupied by the bunch of keys.
Il fresh Photographic plate as usual
renosing in the drawer beneath. The
result was ii revelation. for the
shadow picture made was not of the
frog. but of its skeleton.
From which act it was learned
that flesh was transparent TO the new.
ly discovered rays. whereas bones
were Opaque to them.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1912-07-08
T IS
GIVEN DEGREE

Chief Justice B. F. Spalding of the
state supreme court was greatly sur
prised and equally pleased to receive
from Norwich university at North
field, VT. a notification that the de-
gree of doctor of laws had been con-
ferred upon him June 10 by the board
of trustees of this ancient and ven-
cradle educational institution.
The honor is a great one and highly
appreciated by the jurist and is all
the more enjoyed because he had no
intimation that there was any inten-
ton of comforting the degree upon
him. Norwich university is the oldest
military school in the United States.
except West Point. and is the alma
mater of Judge Spalding. The letter
of notification is as follows:
Norwich university, Mortified
VT, June 30, 1912.
Hon. B. F. Spalding. Fargo, N. D..
My dear Judge Spalding: As an
evidence of understanding and appre-
citation of your work and your worth,
it has pleased our board of trustees
ct their meeting on June 10, to con-
fer upon you the degree and title of
doctor of laws.
Il am gratihed exceedingly to have
had the pleasure of announcing this
at our graduating exercises. and the
honor now of reporting it to YOU.
Very sincerely and respectfully yours.
&c. H. Spencer"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1912-07-08
LABOR is
SCARCE AND MEN
COMING IN SLOWLY

While men out OF work crowd up
to the ratings at the employment
agencies looking for short shifts of
work in the city, the fields are CRYING
out for men to relieve them of theic
heavy burden of crops. Never we're
the prospects for a record breaking
harvest so promising. and already
the farmers are sending in demands
for laborers to help in the hav cut
ting.
This is the beginning of the har-
vest season. The other crops follow
along quickly after the hay until the
wheat is cut and shocked. The en-
Guilty in meeting the early season de-
nands, and how we'll they will be
able to supply the farmers when the
heavy harvest season comes is a mat
ter of doubt.
Try to Import Farm Hands.
A few farm hands from Iowa, Illi-
nois, Wisconsin and states farther
east have begun to arrive in the
northwest, and farmers are snapping
them up in a hurry. So insistent is
me demand for farm laborers that the
employment agencies are unable to
mo them. even when they offer as
nigh as $45 a month and found.
Large placards advertising such Jobs
are out in front of the principal agen-
SiC vi DSt1SI avenue
can't Begin to Supply Demand.
While one or two of the labor bu-
reaus said that it is too early to pre-
dict what the crop will be, and there
tore too early to say what the demand
for harvest laborers will be, several
agencies were of the opinion that they
VIII not be able to supply ANYTHING
like the demand for labor. They are
urging eastern farm hands to lose no
time in canine RI thu n4rtL>
A representative of a local employ-
ment agency said this morning:
Wages Never So High.
From the present crop outlook we
won't be able to supply the demand
for harvest hands. We can't yet
enough mon for the having season.
let alone finding sufficient number for
Will be here soon. Wages for regular
farm laborers were never so high.
"A great many laborers have mi
grated to aCnada recently, and the
demand for labor in other lines of
activity is good, so that labor for the
Another employee made this state
ment:
Many Calls on State Bureau.
we anticipate a very heavy dc.
mand during the approaching harvest
season.. The call for haying hands is
commencing. While we have been
able to furnish farm laborers to the
farmers during the early season, we
are sure to be flooded with orders for
havest hands a little later. and I
don know how we are going to fill
them. -
Fear for Crops.
The commercial clubs in the diff
ferent towns cooperate with the
farmers. The farmers in a locality
tell h commercial clubs how many
men they want, and then the club
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1912-07-08
81 TELLING TUE TIME. ,
(Chicaeo News.

a great many ~orsons believe that
time is old by watches and clocks.
This tradition is carefully kept
alive by makers Of clocks and watch
es. Yet nothing could be further
from the truth. If man were depend
emit upon clocks and watches alone Nc
would never have the faintest idea as
In the time. Why. a man may look
AZ a clock three or four times and
then go ahead and have the wrong
idea as to the hour.
The fact is that people tell time by
their meals. This shows what inn
portant things meals are and how
necessary it is to have them at rcgu-
lar hours.
Now. for instance. talk the case of
my mother. She had dinner very late
tn" other night and | i%nnocently
thought that there was plenty of time
TO go to the theatcr because | had
only just eaten my dinner. l looked
AZ watch several times. but the
hands didn't tell me anything. ! had
Just had my dinner. therefore it was
carly.
If Il man gets up an hour or two
late and cats a late breakfast and no
lunch at all. it is utterly impossible
for him to know what time it is all
day long. and s O'Clock arrives for
him an hour or so after midnight.
If a man wants to sit up all night
let him arrange his meals accordingly
and he will never be 4 bit the worse
for it.
Travellers and boarders will be com
forted To be assured of this usefnl
quality of meals because it sets forth
about all the advantage that some
meals nave.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1912-07-08
A BACKWARD STEP.

notwithstanding the general an
prevail of the principle that the cid
log-rolling method of tariff making
should be abandoned and the framing
of schedules placed on a scientific
basis, the democratic house has
forced the abolition of the tariff board
charged with the collection of facts
upon which a scientific tariff might
be constructed. What. then, do they
propose as a substituted A return to
the old method of partisan and sec
tional scrambling? Are the demo-
Gratis going to attempt the revision of
the tariff on the very system hat
they have been loudest in condemn
ing in the past. the evils Of which
were as strongly marked in the
democratic Wilson bill as they could
have been in any republican meas
ure?
If their contention has been that
n board was appointed by a re-
publican president it leaves the fun
damental principle unaffected. Either
the tariff should be considered only
after the facts are ascertained by ex-
perts, or it will remain the result of
blind partisanship and sectionalism.
1t is undeniable that no committee of
congress in the time and with the
means at its disposal can get at the
facts with the assurance a board of
experts can. Why. then, should not
the democratic house take steps to
secure a permanent tariff commits
sion such as has been urged for
years by non-partisan students of the
situation? II there is a sjncera do
sire to secure an equitable tariff
easu whether for protection or
for revenue, it should be based on
the facts. and these can be obtained
only by a ~non-partisan commission
of experts. To deny this is to confess
that instead Of businesslike adjust
ment the object is sheer p~artisanship
and to discredit it's opponents.