The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1912-07-20

1Ae great pOlltlcal strife winch is
agitating the country and causing
many Of our dignitied citizens to shake
their fists at one another on the
street corners, to Diff one another iii
back alleys and to think thoughts
that they would not care to preserve
for the use of their biographers or
tor the delectation Of their wives and
sWeethearts, has caused Major Pat
I rick John McGinnis, journalist, pat
riot and political scientist, to search.
the convolutions of his learned and
resourceful brain for remedy
! whereby this deplorable waste of
time and energy might be checked.
AT length, after many days of pro-
found elaboration and consultation
with his associates and managers, a;-
resolves and misgivings, he came to
the conclusion that the most effec-
tive means of accomplishing this
worthy and patriotic purpose would
be to organize a club which should
have for its object to discuss freely
and without bias, fear or favor, the
great issues that are breaking up
parties, disrupting friendships and
creating q, demand for expert in
struction in polite profanity. When
1t came to selecting an appropriate
name for the proposed organization
the Major magnanimously acceded to
the wish of his friends that it be
called the McGinnis Club. He re-
marked conf1dentially, however, that
he was actuated purely by patriotic
motives in allowing that liberty with
his respected name.
The constitution of the McGinnis
Club provides that the secretary
shall make known to the public "such
portion of the discussions as to him
shall seem capable of being under
stood by men of ordinary intelli-
gence." The object of the club, in
the words of that great document,
Is Ito give expert opinion" on the
leading political issues and to pro
mote industry and good fellowship
by deciding intricate questions and
thus removing the cause of endless
and bewildering debate" AS Shea re-
mo r1ro l.. e. H. Sxy tn
fermashun fer the country at
lar-rge."
The first meeting of the club was
duly held. The charter members
were unanimous in their praise of the
brilliancy of the idea which they said
was only further proof of the i'm
measurable greatness of the learned,
patriotic and estimable Major. "I.'s
tn beginnin iv new erie in polly
ticks" said Finnegan, ian erie that'll
be known in his'try as tn McGinnis
Age. An won't it be tn gr-reat age!
Shure back in Ireland whin they git
their parl'mint runnin' they'll be
sendin' over to us FIR batch Of rale
fresh American idees, and We'll be
tellin' thin how to gov'rn themselves
and at the same time make John Bull
think he's foreman iv tn job. Ye
see, if We can't be ye'er own boss tn
next best thing is to do as We phase
an make TIL boss think you're dom
it. because he said so. All, byes, but
it's goin' to be a gr-reat age!"
The Major sat with his arms folded
and his head slightly bowed as his
followers heaped their encomiums
upon him. His appearance was that
of modest man who was satisfied
that his friends knew good thing
when they saw it. Now and then he
smiled as if amused to think that his
followers had discovered hidden
virtue which he thought might es-
cape their notice. His appearance OF
complacency spoke volumes for his
profound scholarship.
After the preliminary matters had
been disposed Of the Major was
asked to address the meeting. He
rose to his feet with all the solemn
ity BETTING the man and the occa-
sion, raised his right hand slowly to
his nose, unchanged his spectacles.
lowered his hand to the middle of
his chest, surveyed his audience right
and left parted his lips, and after a
further slight pause began: "Honor-
able Fellow Members of the McGinnis
Club:-I had seriously contemplated
closing this meeting with a formal
address on The Sophistical Idiosyn-
crasies of the Freebooter Politicians
Of the Present Age of Volcanic Po-
litical Upheavals' (shouts of hear.
hear and applause). But on second
thought I decided to waive my privi-