davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
Are You Dissatisfied?
Then Read This

Dissatisfied with a menu con-
sisting of fish and sea birds. upon
which he was compelled to sub
sist for months. Gustav Schulz, po-
tentate OF the Clipperton islands,
off the coast of Mexico, has de-
serted his kingdom to sample a
few of the dainties of civilization.
Accompanied by his cook, Queen
Daria, his majesty arrived in San
Francisco recently, on the steamer
Newport
Schulz kingdom has an area of
only three square miles. Rising
about 10 feet above tse sea level
the little isle is valuable on ac-
count of its vast deposits OF gu
ano. On the eompany's pay roll
Schulz is the caretaker.
There is a dispute on between
France and Mexico as to the own
ership of the island, and the ar
bitration is now in the hai Dis OF
Emperor Emmanuel of italy
Six hundred miles from Acapul-
co, Mexico, tor years past d steam
er has taken out supplies TO the
king" and the 10 soldiers main
tanned there by the Mexican gov
eminent.
When the revolution broke out
in Mexico the little GROUP on the
lonely island knew nothing of it
and the victorious revolutionists
did not send the steamer to them.
At last the provisions became so
scarce that there was nothing to
eat except birds, eggs and fish.
This condition continued for
months, and when the steamer
finally arrived, Schulz concluded
to return to civilization for a
square meal.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
The Nipper
(Eol-b0

The Nipper is the bellhop of the mine
And The wise guys always pretty good to him,
For he may be fresh and flip but he has In his grip
And chance to wriggle of it is SLIM
He's the wisest little devil that you know,
AS he like a monkey here md
Though he's often known the
You'll be wiser If smile than If
When you're in an awful hurry for kit
He will lnger, he will loier O his
He Will loaf and lag and nope he
While you're cussing at the waiting delay;
But when you want a good excuse to Loaf
And you hope and he will appear
He fs Johnny the spot and he makes mighty
With his CHEEKY sautation, well, I'm here"
He is made of mingled pepper plant and lye
Underground he raises cain miners
And on top he's often leader of a
His amusemens they various and vain,
He's the owner of amazing gall
He's model kid, tits will
But we've got to have the Nipper, after all.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
|aEs:N noyI5I1Iyti
L$5@ FDWIh.)
TO kn0W0

please, maw!"
Speak up, Edwin, my cherub."
"Have the Italians whipped
Turkey YETI"
There Is absence, Edwin, of
any news of capitulation. It 10
therefore safe to assume that the
Turk is, technically at least, I'M
conquered.
1.-The Italians haven't quit try
ing, have they?"
No. Edwin. Peace, although
it may be a desideratum, remains
as yet non est The situation
is altogether in 'statu quo
is the war going on, maw?"
THAT is just what I have lucid
ly stated, my child"
"But It's funny there amt no
more battles heard of. How can
the war go on?"
"Oh, it Is easy enough, my boy.
for the war to go on without bat
ties"
II understand, maw-it's easy
for the war to go on now because
there amt no fighting"
Then Edwin went out and play
ed war with the boy next door,
but IL wasn't an easy war, be-
cause Edwin found the other lad
wouldn't stand for any of that
"statu quo" stuff and insisted up
on bloodying his nose.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

My time with Motion Bros. is
up In a few days, thanks to good
ness! All the glory of being
knocked in the head by worry over
the way it is getting me in bad
with my fiance. Alonzo has seen
me in four or five characters at
the little show house at home,
and the only one that made me
look like jewel to him was "The
Little Mother of Slattery's Alley"
And THAT has been queered by
the ones which followed. If I
don't behave "tust so" on the
films, he thinks that's my nature.
He Is good boy, but he's bone
head and don't understand. To-
day I'm almost a nervous wreck
over "The Absent Minded Nurse
maid" in which they put me on as
a girl who takes couple of twins
out into the park for and airing
and lets them spill from a go-cart
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

into a lily pond while rubbering
at a sparrow cop. 1 kicked to
the manager. Before l go on
with this part-does this Aim
show in my home town." ! de-
mands
'How can I tell?" he grunts.
Most likely it will" Then
baked and he promised he would
try to keep the film out of that
town, but I felt all the time that
he was four-flushing. SO it prov
ed. l received rather a grabbing
letter from Alonzo In which he
said, 81 am becoming disillusion-
ed. The Absent Min ded Nurse
maid arouses in me no mirth.
One who is careless of the babies
of others Is not safe person 10
manage her own offspring. l
shudder at the prospect.
Slowly but surely Alonzo Is sap
ping away my patience until he Sc
cures my goat.
(Continued)
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
SONG of the West
BY A. j. Waterhouse.

Say, would you know the Song of the West?
'Tis the whisper of leaves in the redwoods high,
The call of the birds from their brown nest,
And murmur of winds meath archng sky;
IT'S the organ tone of the tireless
AS 1t makes its to the rock-bound shore,
IT'S the mountain chant OF eternity,
Ay, mingle commingle, and choose the best;
Yet sweeter, competer the Song of our West.
The Song of the West, of the Giant Youth
With the forehead ashine in the light of the dawn,
Where standeth straight and is freeman truth,
While woman's long bondage forever has gone;
All, write 1t In music sweet the lays
The laughing rill sings its way the sea,
AS sweet as the sheen of the sun-laden days
In Summerland homes whence Winter must flee.
The glory Of life, its freedom and zest;
But more, and yet more for the Song of West
The Song of the West! Her children have heard
That song when the stars a-gltter at night,
In days by the travail of Nature unstirred,
Rare days, of glory the heart to delight.
The wonder of ocean, the marvel of plain,
The plain all -gleam with the poppy's red gold;
The grace of the hills as they stoop to the main,
All rapture unwritten, all glory untold;
These mingle, commingle, but be 1t confessed
That still tits unwritten, the Song of West
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
COST OF FOOD PER YEAR
$138.OO

Grand total $312.52. Income $433.33. Glory hal
lelujah! there $12081 to put in the bank! "Do not
spend all your income" is printed in big type on the
back of the pay envelopes of the American Wooden
Co., and, praise be, we've just figured out how we
can put $40 per month in the Savings Bank! But
wait minute! Let's what sort of workman
what sort of citizen of the United States we've
created in this imaginary fellow.
First, he is single He is ruined, if he mar
ries, damned to everlasting retrogression and mis-
cry If he has children. Therefore, while he may be
the very sort of fellow the Wooden Co. wants. he is
not the sort of fellow that the United States wants
Secondly, our imaginary workman has no collars,
neckties, handkerchiefs, rain coat rubbers or UNI
brea, and never shaves bathes, for we've not put
the cost of these things in list. Forsooth, our
imagination has created an habtual SLOUGH, a fellow
without ambition self respect and hence poor cit
izen. He rides street car, goes to
amusement never buys a book flower He is
just working animal
Thirdly, we have created an impossible man. We
make him deny himself beer, tobacco Coffee milk,
tea, pickles. preserves pastry and condiments of ev
cry sort He has to have the services of doctor
dentist. He does his own cooking and homework.
But the American Wooden Co. will say, there's
the $40 he's saving monthly He is one of our con-
tented worlzmen. We like his sort. Let's see.
Living the dogs life we have pictured, he has got
to for nearly three years to be able to live
year when accident, old age, the and tear of
just bread meat and potatoes, disease knocks him
down. Else, somebody else must support him,
finally.
Thirty thousand employees at Lawrence up against
proposition that is impossibity to them and
which means to the nation suicide and impover
ished old age Sometime, our people will seriously
and enthusiastically promote the policy of mini
mum wage, under which hopelessness must give way
to opportunity and progress, through which men
rise from the condition of confirmed beasts of
burden to valuable and valued citizenship.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11


ciety of colonial cavaliers"
y
Short sleeves have been legally
recognized as a feminine right.
Because Miss Stella Reeves arms
were disfgured in a wreck so that
she will never be able to wear
short sleeves again, a Pennsyl-
vania court awarded her $500
damages.
"Fifty-one per cent of the fresh
men co-eds of the University of
Wisconsin are knock-kneed," says
official report; which shows that
a college education isn't RESPONSE
BILE for bowleggedness.
Fraulein Wocker, 80, teacher
of natural philosophy at the Uni
versity of Leipsic, is the youngest
professor In Germany. She was
appointed to her present position
by the government.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
Josh
Wise
Says:

You don't see any aircraft
hencoops after you get a certain
distance from town"
A farmers enthusiasm gin'ral
ly lasts erbout as long as tn red
paint on his thrashin' machine"
TIL man in tn cart is tn last
one that'll put his shoulder to ts'
wheel"
"A college boys gran mother
allus imagines he's studying too
hard"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
CASH IN THE ATTIC
How long since you gave your

How long since you gave your
attic an invoicing
There's a load of things up
there which would come handy to
some one. You might as we'll cash
in on that attici Most of these
things are In good condition and
would be useful.
Why don't you make up a list
and tell others of what you have
to sell. A Times want ad win
sell 1t. Use your -t--- 1b
words 16c
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
N0of
AHhi4g

THE TRAVELLER.
He wandered over sea and hill,
He saw the glories of the world.
He felt the wonder and the thrill
Where ancient kingdoms lie
II unfurled.
Yet always when the day was
And twilight filled with peace
| the vast
| And silent margins Of the sun,
My heart went drifting to the
past
And or him came a flood of
tears
And memory chung to one sweet
place
Where in the lovely morning years
Life dreamed before his moth
er's face.
And he could see the cottage door
Where golden dandelions
spread,
Hear little feet along the floor,
And blossoms dripping on the
shed.
Across the hills, across the seas,
Beyond the sound of sea and
foam
His soul In singing memories
Went bounding to the doors of
home.
And the glad mimicries of sleep
Built happy dreams within his
head,
That gave him one pure hour to
creep
Back to the old-time trundle
bed.
The world does not require so
much to be informed as to be re-
minded.-Hannah More.
The play, written from John
Fox, jr.' s book, THE Trail of the
Lonesome Pine" was given it's
premier at Chicago the other day.
The best criticism written of it
was brief. 1t was. "The play is
in four acts and is as follows:
'Doggoneyou, drap tibet gum! "
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

latest selection
of the 469 "peo-
pie who are
r e a | / y worth
WHILE they be-
ing his ideal of
"a | tra-fashion-
ables, was at
one time an
Episcopal cler-
gyman. In 1899
he became a
Roman Catholic
and still more
recently COVER
nor general of
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

Lincoln relieved
Gen. George B.
MCCLELLAN from
the command OF
the union arm
les other than
the army of the
Potomac, with
which Mcclellan
had personally,
however, reluct-
antly, taken the
field. Generals
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

DRoMIO CHAMP CLARK: Methnks glass, and not
brother
by a sweet faced youth
DROM1O WILLIE HEARST Not l. elder.
Will walk in to this gossiping?
DROMIO CLARK: That's question; how shall it?
DROMIO HEARST: senior;
thou first.
DROMIO CLARK: Nay then, thus:
We the world like brother brother
And let's hand In hand, before the other.
COMEDY OF ERRORS.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
Coming Seasonal Announcement

nyl
Boil the drinking water!
will b.
bill smaller, know
we'n have to begin taking ice.
/ make pants school Willie?
school books? Scott!
they be examining that kid with education
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
nHrnHT1sCB Business Offios Main 788,
Env yNF.sS Circulation Dept Main 783.
Editorial Dept Main 7Ol.
0FFICE-77U-77s COMMERCE. ST.
The Impossible Man

That American Wooden Co., whose thugs are beat
ing up men, women and children strikers at Law
renee, Mass, triumphantly that it gives
work to 10000 employees and has annual payroll
Of $1300O,000.
Let the reader s1make believe that he is an
age one Of the 10000.
see what you can do with your money, pre-supposng
that you really willing to get along with the
cheapest things. Now, the figures going to
give estimates based average prices in vari-
GUS localities and the quantities named will vary,
too according to localities so that these figures will
be most satisfactory to the reader if he compares
them with what he knows about prices and quaint
ties from his own experience
COST OF CLOTHES PER YEAR.
I1ats .............. ................. Aoo
suits ........... $500
3 pairs of shoes ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. 900
Overcoat ............ 1000
3 suits of underclothes . 400
shirts ......... ................ 500
10 pairs of stockings ....... 200
Bed clothes and laundry ............ $500
$4,000
COST OF FOOD PER YEAR.
loaves bread per week at &c -........$ 936
lbs of meat per week at 15c .......... 3120
lbs. potatoes per week at &c .......... 2496
6552
COST OF OTHER THINGS PER YEAR
House rent at So per month ............$ $500
Water rent at soc per month ........... 600
Fuel at So per month ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. $500
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

in command of the other armies
were directed to report directly to
the secretary of war.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
VAUDEVILLE LOOT.

People who live In glass houses
must be careful about changing
their clothes.
Wise men say it's wrong to
leave riches to our children. That s
easy.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
OBS Err VATIONS

California
by of the Office stationery
get-rich-q stand
CHILDREN strikers those mills
committee
drinking canal Here's
able which enlightened cultured
canals and 1t looks IL she It.
COUSIN BILL TAFT decided to platform
speaking Railroads to their
equipment is at the front end Of their t--'~-
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

Entered At the postoffice at Tacoma, Wash.
as second-class matter. Telegraphic Service
of United Press Association. :
Published Every Evening Except Sunday by
the Tacoma Times Publtshin9 Company.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
TODAY IN HISTORY

March II, 1852, just so years
ago today, President Abraham
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

Great Britain exported nearly
$1O,000,000 worth of soap last
year. Why not. They have the
Order of the Bath over there.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
DID YOU KNOW

The expression "a little bird
told me so" has its origin in the
bible. Ecclesiastes x:2O says:
For a bird in the air shall carry
thy voice and that which hath
wings shall tell the matter"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
About People

Charles Wilbur de Lyon Mich
oils, who has Just given out his
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11
FASHION NOTE:

College students have discard
ed the pompadour.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

Blue4blooded cows do not give
blue milk
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

The real estate agent will soon
come out of winter quarters to
tell prospective purchasers how
the land lies and other lies.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

/ am glad I am poor
And have only to fret
About my next meal,
The one I'm to get.
While the sad millionaire
Grim Dyspepsia's pet,
Must worry about
The one he's justet.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-11

The world does not require 81
much to be informed as to be re
minded.-Hannah More.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-01-14
ST. LOUIS PREDICTS WARM
WEATHER WILL LAST
SEVERAL DAYS

St Louis, Mo, Jan. 13 The
moderated cold spell now existing
over the middle west will continue
with local variations for the next
several days, After that cold
wave now forming in the Northwest
may sweep down over the territory
that has been held by similar in
vasion for the last two weeks
Snowfalls were predicted today
with a Northwest wind that would
prevent warmer conditions
Weather conditions yesterday
were moderated materially from
those of the few days previous. The
rising temperature was general
throughout the west and through
the Canadian Northwest. Duluth,
which has had the coolest average
in the west. reports risinEtemper-
ature from 20 below to zero in TWEEN
ty-four hours The lowest here was
13 below zero, In Chicago the mcr-
curry dropped below zero for an hour
today.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-01-14
KANSAS CITY WINS
BATTLE TO KEEP
GAS PRICES DOWN.

Kansas City Jan, .1S.--The Kan
sas City Gas Company was enjoined
from Increasing its rates on natural
gas in Kansas City from 25 cents
TO 27 cents a thousand cubic feet
here today, in the circuit court
Mayor Brown procured temporary
restraining order preventing the in
crease.
The mayors petition set forth
that, as the company had failed to
supply an adequate pressure of gas;
that therefore it had not fulfilled it's
part of the contract with the city
and for this reason the consumers
oGRht not to be bound by that part
of the con.rd't dealing with the ad-
vance.
The company's contract called for
an advance in rates beginning Nov.
10 last.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-01-14
Z ENTONBED IN
EXPLOSION At
MISSOURI MINE
Bowen Works at Sedalia Catch Fire
after Dust Causes Accident
$50 Escape

Sedalia, Mo, Jan. 49, Fr9d
Butcher and Donald Macarthur, shot
firers, We're entombed in the Bowen
Coal Company's mine at Windsor, 20
miles from Sedalia. following an
explosion of mine dust late today.
The mine caught fire and effcrts to
subdue the flames were unsueceas-
ful up to late hour tonight.
Mine officials say the Bowen plant
was equipped with safety devices
and are at loss to account for the
accident Thirty minutes before tic
explosion $50 miners finished their
work and left the works.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-01-14
CLARK And FOLK
SPLIT W|DENED
BY COMMITTEE
Speaker Wins on Date of Prelimin-
airy Convention--Meet
February 20

st. Louis, Jan. 13.-The breach
between the forces of Speaker Champ
Clark and former Governor Joseph
w. Folk, who are striving for the
Missouri delegation of the Demo-
cratic National convention, was
widened today by the Democratic
state committee selecting Feb. 20
as the date for holding the state con-
vention at Joplin. The Folk ad-
herents fought for a date in March
for holding the convention Folk
managers after the meeting ad-
iourned, announced that the com
mittee had called "snap convcn-
ton"
Speaker Clark's representatives,
in the committee, were in unison in
declaring the date for the conven-
tion was unanimous action of the
committee
The Missouri Democratic League.
which fayors the former governor
contendcd that the voters would not
have sufficient time to become famil-
lar with the issues if the convention
was held before March. In a state
ment the League announced eve
wish it understood that we are not
responsible for bringing about this
snap convention, but we are going
to fight to the last ditch"
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-01-14
WAEElAND IS RELEASED
Cairo Man, Charged With Embezzle-
ment Discharged by Court
Politics Responsible.

C. r. Wakeland Of 33i Evenly
eighth street, was discharged yes
terday by the circuit court of Pu-
aski county. There was no case
against him.
Wakeland was arrested in Cairo
bv the sheriff of Alexander county
some months ago on charge OF en-
bezzlement, the warrant being
sworn out by a party in Fayettes-
vile. North Carolina. He gave bond
flr $1,000 and was released A
requisition from the governor OF
North Carolina was honored by Gov
ernor Deneen, but was revoked be-
fore it's execution. Later a writ OF
habeas corpus was issued by Wake
lands attorney and he was taken to
Justice court at Mound city where
a continuance was asked to the cir
cult court.
When the case was called yester-
day. no one appeared to prosecute
him and the court ordered his re-
ease
MIR. Wakeland has contended all
along that this case was malicious
one. lie had incurred the enmity
of few people In Fayetteville who
seemed determined to put him 70 all
the trouble they could because OF
politics he says,
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-01-14
BOATS ICEbOUND
At ENTRANCE TO
CHICAGO HARbOR
Buffeted by Heavy Winds Steamers
are Caught by Floes and
Cannot Run
TUGS GIVE UP EFFORTS
Lines Won't Reach Crafts--WireIess
Reports Wind VIII Cause
Wrecks

Chicago, Jan. 13-Fifty-fve pas
sengers remain ice bound on two
Lake passenger steamers five miles
out of the Chicago harbor tonight
after they ran afoul OF floating ice,
which made further progress impos-
sihle. Immediate escape from their
position seemed unlikely, when the
tugs gave up tonight their efforts to
reach the imprisoned boats, with
lines.
Wireless reports from the Indiana,
one of the boats, indicated there was
enough food and fuel aboard that
, craft, and the other, the Congress,
! to last week and that the lack OF
wind had robbed the situation of
discomfort.
The approach of a wind either off
shore or on shore meant great dan
ger or possible disaster.
Left Milwaukee Wednesday.
Both boats left Milwaukee We'd
ncsday night and after being buff
fetted about all night ran afoul OF
the ice Thursday morning.
The crews of the boats are caring
for the passengers and the govern
ment boats will attempt to reach
them Sunday. Should the wind rise
it is feared that a heavy loss Of life
will result
The ice is heavier about the
mouth of the Chicago harbor, than
in many years The stranded steam
ers are two of the best boats on the
lakes and have usually run until
we'll along into the season. This IS
the first time in many seasons that
passenger steamers have been Ice
bound.
The Cairo bulletin., 1912-01-14
MAN WHO ATTACKED
HUSBAND AND WIFE
INSTANTLY KILLED

Lexington, KY, Jan. 13 George
Dorsey of Chicago was killed when
he went to the home of Samuel John
son in Harrison County and attack
ed Johnson and his wife, who wa.
a former sweetheart of Dorsey, ac-
cording to reports received here to-
day. Dorsey was killed by Mrs.
johnson. No warrants will be issued
for Mr., and Mrs, Johnson, IL is said.