The Birmingham age-herald., 1912-06-02
CAVALRY IS NOT
 DEAD IN AMERICA Free for All Race After
 Runaway Hat CATCHING A CAR Europeans Say Americans Are Bar barious After But One Thing,
 Money-Proof to the
 Contrary
erom Ina Kanaas Cfty Star.

large deadly bits of bitter sarcasm at the screaming ground of the eagle Having seen America by two weeks stay in a New York hotel where the GUS tom calls for tips in greenbaclSs. he is stuffed tight with authentic impressions by the time he gets his shoes back on his loose any of these on our bank of the creek. and when he gets over where he can safely get rid of them, they have fer mented to such an extent that it is unload or explode.
 1 If he is a writer, he scratches his head for the worst things he can call Us, signs his name thereto. and sells the prod uctN back to us for more money than he ever saw before. That Is the way they have of paying expenses of their Amer iean trips.
 If however. the emulator of Columbus has no business connections with his ink bottle he has to discharge his cargo by word of mouth So when he hits the pier he hunts up friend with durable ear and explains exactly why owls will be roosting in the ruins of the Senate cham | Der and Broadway will be chin high i'll thistles within 10 years.
 And as for politeness,' he croalSs. why, the later editions of the American dictionaries omit the word. Americans wouldn't recognize a gentleman if they saw one in evening clothes with a label on him in large Gothic type. The only thing they take off their hats to is a strong wind and the plutocratic dollar. And manners. l assure you that have seen men who wore clean collars and shaved every day cut their spaghetti and eat it without the aid Of a spoon. Fur | thermore, the race is entirely devoid of 1 the slightest respect for that divine crea- l ure, woman!'
 | As a fitting rebulze to this latter bar l barism, he gallantly lifts his hat to a passing woman. The woman in question l is yoked to an OK and is ably assisting that animal to draw large load of tim othy hay, upon which her husband Is rid- l ing.
 l They are wrong about us, though. | There is no nation on the face of the earth, or any other part of that planet,
 whose people are as courteous in their minds as we are.
 The trouble is that 1t takes a brave man to be polite over here That is why man who drinks his coffee without dis turbing the spoon in his cup, and who would put his foot through all the social usages in a drawing room, tips his hat
 as he helps a negro stewardess into a l lifeboat. He is sure that he can do that
 without running into a discouraging | stare.
 l I knew a young fellow-nice chap he
 was,s too4=wle. had a habit of getting ur Ito give persons his seat in street ears. One day a fat man entered the car, in l which there was no vacant seat. A truth l full pair of scales would have proved the man was no gentleman, going on Presi- tot weighs over 200. When the car turned a corner it jostled the man about in ar alarming manner. So the young fellow got up and said
 "Won't you have my seat sir?' He gave me his word that this was all
 he said--"Won't you have my seat, sir?'' ! No harm in that, is there? And yet the
 fat man flew, as the saying is, into tow
 ering rage.
 Have your seatv' he beloved swig-
 ing so that the strap on which he dangled
 stretched a good two inches. Why
 should I take your seat? Do look like
 a woman to you? may be fat, but I
 can stand mp as well as the next man. 1 And if can't do that, why, then I'll fall
 down and roll round a bit"
 My young friend was so ehagrined that he left the car at the next corner The l fact that the fat man stood just above him and that he mistrusted the strength
 of the strap might have had something I to do with his exit. But that's the way 1t fgoes.
 | Take the case of runaway hat.
 No man who has the vaguest insight
 into the unnaturalness of human nature will run after his own hat when the wind blows it off. -ie philosopher merely stands and makes bets with himself as to which of the men that take up the chase 1 will win.
 There isn't a man on that street out l there that wouldn't run over a woman he knew to chase down the hat of a man that he had never heard of before. The | fruit seller on the point of closing deal l involving 12 bananas and 20 cents will for | sake bananas. customer and 20 cents to hot-foot 1t after a stranger hat Prosper ous gentlemen in motor cars will forsalSe their cushions to try their legs against. the | fruit sellers. Young men walking out with 1 lovely women excuse themselves to risk | their lives among traffic in the hat hunt. l 1t Is in vain that the hat tries all the l tricks, turns and cunning-it has no chance against the numbers. The man l who overtakes it and returns proudly to you with, his prize is followed by the en-
 vious glances of his unsuccessful competi-
 tors.
 I recall a chase down Grand avenue
 not long ago. The hat seeking freedom
 was a saw-tooth straw. It was about as stupid as a fox with a college education | and had succeeded in eluding .all pur- | suers except a gentleman in a silk hat
 and boy in cotton rags. The latter clev-
 crly drove it to bay behind a billboard, ] and the hat. after final hopeless strug- 1 gle, surrendered and lay quiet He of the silk hat was bad loser, and
 regret to state, was not above using his
 money as pinch argument.
 My son. he said, after glancing about to see that no one was listening. ''Ill give
 you cents to let me carry the hat back 1 to it's owner"
 He jingled the coins as tempting proof of good faith and the boys heart was torn for the moment between avarice and duty. At last if kicked triumphantly loose from the former. With thatin nobility so often said to be found in his class, the lad drew himself up. "Nov' he cried in ringing tones, Keep
 your money. You could not brbe m give up my rights for twice the sum |i And he turned to seek the hats CN4e-i.
 Say Thank you to a man who has
 chased your hat for miles over rough
 country. and it will teep hi Bae.
 through a week in which his bank fails sis nother-in-law recovers from a serious illness.
 l Again:
 The usual crowd waiting for the north I east car of the evening stood in the twi- l light surrounding the intersection of 1 Grand avenue and Twelfth street. All things come to him who wa.ts-eyen
 northeast cars.
 The crowd surged into the car and the daily miracle of putting asa9 people in q vehicle built to hold go was accomplished