The Washington herald., 1912-06-03

Uncle Hank" Barnhart, who repre-
scnts part Of the State Of Indiana in the
Lower House. shook the camphor out Of
his dress suit one evening in preparation
for a public address he was booked for
and discovered that his figure had grown
! too prosperous for the open-faced garb
able. II was then too late to get another
outfit. and Barnhart thought that by
| breathing only in the upper parts OF his
lungs he might avoid catastrophe.
About five minutes before he was going
on the stage where the speaking was 10
take place. Barnhart heard. felt, and
otherwise became conscious Of that
| ugubrious ripping action Of trousers that
one has OutgrOwn.
It was an exciting moment. There was
no Rental Dress Suit Agency in town, and
TO time to send out a hurry call to such
a plant II there had been. The best that
Barnhart could do was to get a man to
pin the hiatus together, and then murmur
a prayer that no further cataclysm
should ocur.
BY standing sway-backed, Uncle Hank
got through his part Of the exercises
without mlshaP. His perspiratory glands
were oveTtaXed so great was his appre-
hCnsion but the pins did their work well,
and when he retreated he did so in good
order.
Then what do you suppose Barnhart
did?
He retired to a secluded corner back
OF the stage. raised himself to his full
height, and then bent over and tried 10
touch his fingers to the floor without
bending his knees. Again he heard
large assure making its way up and
down the seams in those once commodi-
Gus trousers.
RIP. goldarn YOU" said Barnhsrt.
and see II I care!''
"Ah, but twas music" says Barnhart,
telling about It, Ito hear that low. rip
ping sound, knowing full well that there
was no one around to see
Oscar Underwood tells OF a colored ash
cart proprietor down in Alabama who
was twitted about the habit his horse
had Of letting its tongue hang out
'.Tha's all right" said the colored man.
He hoTs his tongue that away to Keep
him from stumblin'.'
Keep him from stumblingY'' repeated
the white folks. mockingly. "Hows that
going TO prevent stumbling"
why" said the ashman, "cain't y'all
see ef that hoss was to stumble he d
bite his tongue on. cahhyin' 1t the way
he do. An yo know the amt no hoss
goin' + delibertly bite his tongue ON
Moses z. Clapp was trying law case
before a Minnesota judge who had vexed
him several times by deciding against
him, even though in each instance Clapp
had felt certain that he had the law
and evidence on his side.
Once again the Judge decided against
Clapp.
"oh, very we'll" sighed the future
Senator in a tone Of resignation. That's
all right but my times coming. Some
day III be on the wrong side Of a
case in this court and then I'll win IT,"
Nick Longworth was saying the other
day that the country is getting too much
overrun with people who take them
selves seriously. And speaking OF folks
who take themselves seriously, Nick re-
lated this one:
There was a we'll known character in
Cincinnati named Dan Kelly who work
ed as conductor on a street car. Among
the people who rode on that line oo-
casIonally was a fashionable woman,
the wife Of a prominent citizen She
thought her name was one &c conture
with, to say nothing OF making men
kowtow at the very mention Of Il.
One day this woman became greatly
peeved because the car was not stopped
at the side OF the street where she de-
sired to get OF. She asked the con-
.ductoE II he would not have the car