davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
Where the Laugh Comes In

She stood at the bar of justice
 And made her sad appeal.
 She asked, poor dove,
 The custody of
 The pug and the automobile.
 Kansas City Journal c. Abler-"I wish to send cablegram in Russian. What are the charges?" Operator Four dollars a word and damages. .'-Judge.
 Doctor-''I must forbid all brain work" Poet-"May not write some verses ?" DOctor-"Oh, certainly !'-Christian Intelligence.
 When you make an engagement you are always on the minute keeping it are n't you?'
 Yes, have lost a lot of time that way Houston Post.
 "A man should strive to be satisfied with his lot."
 "That's hard thing to do when his lot happens to lie under a suburban frog pond. d."-Blrmingham Age-Herald.
 "Willie, why don't you let your little brother have your sled part of'the time?" II do, ma. l take it going down hill and he has 1t going back. - Boston Transcript.
 An aviator descended in a field and said to rather Well-dressed individual :: ''Here, mind my machine minute, will you ?"
 What ?" the well-dressed individual snarled. Me mind your machine? Why I'm United states Senator p
 "Well, what of it?" said the aviator. ''I'll trust ou."-Argonaut. 
 Upon what grounds do you seek divorce ?' asked the lawyer whom she had just retained. "Non-support, cruel ty or--'
 Both" she oried, tearfully, "he would not support my passionate longing for diamond necklace, and if that isn't cruel ty, I'd like to know" - Catholic Stand ard and Zines.
 ''Peck's wife walks all over him. He's what you might call a telescope hus. band"
 'What do you mean ?"
 ''She draws him out, sees through him and shuts him up."-Boston Transcript. Church-'W What has become of those police dogs they had for trailing robbers ?" Gotham - "Perhaps some taxicab thieves have stolen 'em !''-Yonkers Statesman.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
Clever Don'ts

One wonders sometimes says the Pitts fielu Eagle whether these ''cOllege rule" s" really are produced by the students or whether they originate in the fertile brain of some correspondent who finds tune hanging heavily upon his hands Most of the "rules" however, are clever enough to be written by versatile college girls. Take, for example, the list which according to current report, originated among Wellesley girls:
 Don't f1irt with the handsome fellow down village. His wife may not like it. y
 "Don't retire with undrawn curtains. The rubber industry is f1Ourishing in other places than South Amerlca."
 Don't chew candy or anything else while on the village streets. If you must chew, try the rag"
 Don't be freak, The squirrels have enough nuts to attend to now
 Don't kiss each other in the public highway. It's awful to see a woman do- ing a man s work.
 s "Don't study too hard. Folks may think you are preparing to earn your own liv1ng."
 Don't show your dislike of a hated instructor. Give her some of your home made fudge"
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

Said the Waterbury American :4r Our masterful contemporary Collier Weekly is able to take it's eyes off the other parts of the job and cast them on Conn eeticut for minute. "And how abontst the Re publicans of Connecticut?" it asks. "Have theyno convictions as between Taft and Roosevelt? Are they willing that the choice shall be made by the bosses in the back room of a Hartford hotel?" They have very clear convic- tions between Taft and Roosevelt, and will not allow the choice to be made in the back room of Hartford hotel. They have chosen for that selection the front room of New Haven hotel. The name of that hotel, by the way, is The Taft,
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
NORTH CANAAN HAS

! A population 1f s,171, (census of 19100 Two railroads.
 National and Savings Banks. Trolley railroad extending through the Berkshires to Pittsfeld and beyond. Up-to-date High School and tirst-class school system.
 Five churches.
 First-class hotel.
 Fire department. including chemical en- zine.
 Six miles of State Roads. Electric light and power plant, Complete Sewer System. Never-failing water supply and the best water in the state. Wide-awake Business Mems Association. Extensive lime and iron industries. FraternaI and benefit societies. Brass band.
 Up-to-date department stores. Pure air and wholesome climate.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
FACING TRIALS.
BY EMMA RoDEMEYER WATT

The time you faced that trial
 That came with frightful sway, Ger which you rose victorious That was a mighty day. You could not see the purpose
 Concealed in blackest night, But just because you triumphed,
 You gained much clearer sight. It was revelation
 To you, of hidden, power, And through it you gained courage To live life's every hour. The trials set before us
 Require tremendous might, But each one that we master
 Illumes our path with light.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
That Wood-Chopping Feat.
Rev. H. s. Ball Gave His Version of
 Veritass Story.


 Veritas's Story. Rev. H. s. Ball responded in The News, in due time to the reminiscence of Ian old-time athlete" written by "Veritas," of Canaan, as a retort to one of MT. Balls "reminiscences of strong men of the old days in Canaan and Sails bury. It will be remembered that VeritaS related the incident of the young man who, by chopping two weeks, on Mount Riga succeeded in chopping about one third of cord" and the letter seemed designed to convey the inference that the young "athlete" was Rev. MT. Ball, himself. It must be admitted that in MT. Balls own version, which appeared in The News of March "A, 1880, the writer virtually admitted the soft impeachment The reply was as follows:
 Very well do 1 remember the incident alluded to by "Veritas," in The News of March 10; but either the memory of "Veritas" is very teacherous, or the fog in which he writes is so dense as to pre- vent seeing clearly. The incident is sub stantially as follows:
 The individual who did the chopping was never wood-choPper, but a worker in iron, and at the time a hammerer of iron for the pudding furnace; had never chopped a cord of wood in his life at that time, unless the chopPng was done be- fore he was I2 Years old. Something occurred to the shaft of the wheel which lie by a week or two. The hammerman thought of going elsewhere to work.
 "No," said MT. Bostick. "If you want to work l will find you an axe and give will chop in the east lot"
 The offer was readily accepted, the axe procured and put in irst-rate order, and Monday morning, with axe on his shoulder, the new chopper started for the woods.
 It was the pleasant month of May. Less than half mile from the woods, what was called the "Lower Forge" the
 
 second growth, tall, straight trees, no limbs till near the top. A stick or two was cut off, and an adjournment had to the forge, pipe smoked, peat ham, mered, and back to the woods.
 Thus four days passed, and Friday the work of piling the wood commenced. The chopper thought he had cut about a cord day; the pile looked quite large. It took all day to pile it; it would fall down as fast as it was corded up, but patience and perseverance at last prevail ed, and the amount was one cord and a quarter. It was a question whether 1t would stand up to be measured.
 "Mr. Bostick," said the woodchopper that evening at the store, twill you come down and take up my wood in the morn ing?"
 "No," said MT. B, "wait till next week and have only one job of 1t"
 "No, I want to know what earn every week, "said the man. r.. ,"WeH, I will take it up if you insist on it." said the agent. .g "I needmy pay" said the woodchopper. The next morning Bostick started early for the woods. There he found the chopper sitting composedly on a stump, smoking his pipe.
 "Where is your wood3" asked the agent.
 "Therew said the chopper.
 "Where?"
 "Why, there"
 "Where the devil is the wood you have been choPPing?"
 "There in those three piles"
 The agent left. He did not measure the wood nor pay for the choPPing. That thirty-one cents is due yet!
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
AS AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM

AS AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM The News should appeal with special force to the sagacious business man.
 It has an extensive circulation in Western Connecticut, and especially throughout Lltch- neld County and Southern Be-Gshtre.
 It has a competent staff of wide-awake cor respondents in the various towns to report the local doings each week. and goes into the homes and is perused by the entire families or the thrifty intelligent reading class of people whom the long headed advertiser most desires to reach.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
THE NEWS AGENTS

Extra copies of The News are on sale at the offceof publication and at
 Dempsey's Drug Store, Canaan, Egglestons Drug Store, Sharon, Post Office, East Canaan.
 D. H. Oakes' Store, Lakeville, Post Office. Falls Village. / George T. Johnson's Store, Norfolk, F. H. Smith & Co.'S Store Ashley Falls. W.D. French, Sheffield, Mass. A. L. Dickinson, Salisbury.
 J. W. Morgan, Great Harrington, Mass.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

New to the Beat. ."-The New Girl - An may me intended visit me every Sunday afternoon, ma'am?
 Mistress - Who is your intended Della?
 The New Girl Il don't know yet ma'am. I'm stranger in town.-Har- per's Bazaar.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
Bargain day.

Ansonia Business Mems Association has adopted as @ slogan, "The Industrial Heart of the Naugatuck Valley" In view of Waterbury's claim to industrial supremacy in the Nadgatuck Valley, the brass city may be expected to request Ansonia to change the word '' Herrt " to Gall
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

An Irish town in the county Heath has, through it's district council, ordered all the bachelor inhabitants to get mar ried within three months or leave the town. The latter alternative is cruelty to the gyurls.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

If women were the men they claim to be, they would take their rights, :" says the New York World. But they do more, Sempronius - they deserve them.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

Not Exactly. - Conductor - Did you get out and stretch your legs when we stopped at the junction?
 Passengsr-Well, not exactly; l went into the dining car and had them pulled. Brooklyn Life.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
THURSDAY. MARCH 21. 1912 .
SELF RELIANCE

Much as worthy friends add to the happiness and value of life, we must in the main depend upon ourselves. and everyone is his own best friend or worst enemy. Lord Avebury.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
When in doubt sleep on it.

A bumper crop of straw votes Is being harvested throughout the country. That's the one great American product that hasn't been corpered by trust.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

@ No matter who wins, in the disagree ment between. the coal miners and the mine owners, the consumer is bound to be the loser. The loss is sure to fall on that longsuffering old goat, the ever dear public.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

Several times she had admonished him to comport himself with more regard to the prOprieties. Finally her patience exhausted, she exclaimed:
 "What do you suppose is the reason you don't always behave as you ought to?"
 II don't know" was the boys reply. Perhaps my battery has run out. That always makes things act badly"
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

Subscribers are requested to notify the pub- usb CT promptly of any failure to receive papers regularly, changes of residence etc.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
Cent-a-Word Advertisements
 Minimum Charge .25 Cents
FOR SALE

 DUCK EGGS-Pekins, Indian Runners. Rouens. c. H. Pease, Canaan
 FOR SALE-Nice potatoes Six tons horse hay, S95 % at barn, one mile north of Canaan Valley. Forty acres wood, standing.
 A. F. Benton FOR SALE-Pair bay mares, close ely matched absolutely fearless of automobiles or cars; kind and gentle; lady can drive them; and years old; price SGO0. c. E. Badgley, Canaan. BARRED Rock eggs for sale from pen headed by cockerel from famous Pittsfed, Me, poultry farm. Heavy winter laying. early maturing stock. S1.00 for i3. The Wangum, Canaan.
 FOR SALE-FaTm no acres, room house. barn plenty water, wood and some timber only SllO0. FRIm-32 acres all tillable miles from fine market, new house, running water. nice barn, S8000, half cash. For Sale-A cosy little home on the trolley takes only S350 Cash Co secure it. Farms listed No listing fee. No ronclad contract. No withdrawal fee.
 Thomas Abbe. Canaan.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

Borem-By the way, did lever tell you that story about my grandmother She-Was it long one?
 He-Oh no.
 She-Then, certainly you didn't tell me it.-London Opinion,
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

Get Together. Pull Together. That the only way to accomplish results worth while.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

Pa, was Washington a boy seout?"
 No, my soh the organization was not in existence in his time"
 "Weu, I don't see how he could do all he did if he lacked the training we get every week. ."-Buffalo Express.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

Winsted is to have " bargain day l" next Monday. Good for Winsted-! l! She's coming on. K
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
wRIrEALETTER ABOUT

Communications on subjects of general inter mst to The News readers are invited, but no attention will be paid to anonymous letters
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

The appointment of ''clean up day !" will be part of the business at the next smoker of the Business Mems Associa- tiOn.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

The backbone of winter has suffered a severe wrench.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

Teacher -"Now, children, are your fathers mammals or invertebrates ?"
 Child (timidly after a painful silenoe) -"Please, miss, they're all Republicans in this ward. Baltimore American.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

Pop, did you hurt yourself when you fell?'
 II had no fall my son."
 II heard Uncle Hen tell ma you fell off the water wagon" Baltimore Amer ican.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
WANTED

WANTED-A kitchen maid Enquire at tho Taconic School. Lakevle. Conn. BUY your Spring supplies now. We can get them cheap for you if you order early. Tools, Seeds, Fertilizer, Fruit Trees,
 M c. Dean & Sons. WANTED TEN HUSTLING AGENTS AT ONCE; $5o and better per week assured to bright persons. to sell Perfection Self-Heating Flat Irons, 1911 Patent. Every Iron guaran- teed perfect or money back. Saves labor, time, expense: does family ironing for %. Sole rights in the United States. The Blakeney Co-Opeative Company, Falls Village, Conn, WANTED-15 ,0Oo cords of lime kiln wood.
 Address Box 202 East Canaan, Conn. WANTED Position as housekeeper. Apply at The News office.
 WANTED-A young man experienced in the lime business. to take charge of n small plant, Apply in writing to No, 70, The News Office.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21
MISCELLANEOUS

FLAT FOR RENT-7 rooms steam heat, cleo tric lights, bath. set tubs C. |, Badgey. AR. PATrEN, optician of Torriuyton 'onu. will be nt The unheld" hotel thc first Mon day arl TGr.lay afternoons of each month If unable to call send postal. Consultation free $ k. STARK, Nurse. Canaan. Telephone i5-2 PEABODY - Optomrtrist. Rcfractlorist and Optician will be at Mrs. Nj. A Halls, Falls Village Conn.,, Mar. %1, 2N,
 FOUND--Iadies velvet worS bag, contains small sum of money. Prove property and pay f1I this alverlisvment The News huCe, Protect your fruit trees by using the Stahl Spraycr, prices from $250 up.
 S A. Kemp, Agent TO RENT-3 upper rooms to rent In the Lynch house, S5 OO per month from April lst. A. A, Hubbard, Canaan.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

WANTED-I5OOo cords of lime kiln wood
 Address, Box 202, East Canaan, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

DUCK EGGS-Pekins, Indian Runners. Rouens.
 C. H. Pease, Canaan
Connecticut western news., 1912-03-21

LAT FOR RENT-7 rooms. steam heat, cleo
 tric lights, bath, set tubs. C. |. Badgley.
The herald., 1912-08-15
PRECINCT MEETINGS.

At a meeting of the Fifteenth Ward
regular Democratic campaign commit
tee last Monday, at the residence of M.
J. Rooney, details were arranged for
the ward campaign in the interest of
the candidates Endorsed by that fac
ton. The first meeting was held on
Tuesday night, in the Third Precinct,
at Slidell and Brooklyn avenues. The
second on Wednesday night, in the
Fifth Precinct, at Elmira Pleasure
Grounds. On Thursday, the 18th, the
First Precinct will meet at 429 Patter-
son street, and on Friday, Aug. 16, the
Second Precinct will meet at Pelican
avenue and Bouny street. The Fourth
Precinct will meet Monday, Aug. 10, at
Pacific avenue and Patterson street.
The Sixth Precinct will meet at the AL
cazar Theatre on Tuesday, Aug. 20,
while the Seventh Precinct will meet
at Pelican and Webster avenues, We'd
nesday, Aug. 81.
The herald., 1912-08-15
The Graduate.

Observe the noble girl who has
completed her college education.
See her, with her dimpled chin rest
ing in the hollow Of her white palm,
gazing out into the future with
thoughtful eyes.
What problems may she even now
be solving?
What mighty movements for the up.
lifting Of the race may she be plan.
ning7
Back of her are the years Of study
and application. The great minds Of
the centuries have given her Of their
best. All that science and philosophy
can Gull from the universe Of mind
and matter is hers.
And now she Is ready for the fu-
ture. There is a hopeful CLEAN. q con.
fldent light in her eyes.
She speaks!
"Some of those back numbers at
home will sit up and take notice when
I get on the train in this new pannieg
skirt suit of minei"
The herald., 1912-08-15

There they go, and here they come
Where they goin'7 Where they fromf
listen to their marchin' feet
Movin' through tn city street.
Rich an poor. an high an low
Here they come an there they 60
IT'S Q mystery to me,
All tn people that We see,
Meek an proud, an old an young.
babblin' this an t'other tongue,
btoppin, turnfn', startin' on
Now there here an now they're coma
An there's always plenty more
After them that's gone before
Difrent looks. an dif'rent mama
But tn crowd 10 still tn same.
Psople-people-till your eyes
Rests by lookin' at tn skiesi
Some that smile, an some that frown,
Powdered white, an honest brown,
Feeble steps, an lively gait,
Some that bless, an some that hate
Movin', movin' all the day
In this puzzlin', endless way.
Where they goin'7 Where they fromf
There they go an here they come.
6ift tn skies from star to star.
Nothin's stranger than we are.
All tn people passin' by
Are one great, unanswered "Whyf
The herald., 1912-08-15
cREENWALL UNDER NEW MAN
AGEMENT.
n,nh,n 4 Stair to Open 45 Weeks En-
gagement Late This Month.

The Greenwall theater will pass into
the hands of new management short
" and on August 81 will throw its
acors omen for a new season in bur-
,esoue. Dinkins G. Stair will bring a
big burlesque stock company here from
New York, consisting of forty noted
stary and famous Baby Doll chorus.
The company comes here direct from
iory-hve weeks season.
Nessrs. Dinkins and Stair have
lsased the Greenwall theater for term
: 4 years and have arranged to send to
New Orleans the best burlsque enter
timers Of Chicago and New York city.
Both Of these gentlemen are old-tim-
ss In the burlesque field, having run
aock burlesque companies in Detroit,
Toronto and Jersey City, and it is safe
b say that they know just what the
theater-goers Of this city want. Both
are connected at the present time with
the Western Burlesque Wheel which
controls thirty of the best burlesque
heaters in thirty of the principal cit
les In the United States and Canada,
and no doubt the Greenwall Theater
HiIl be one of the spokes in this bur-
isque wheel before long, but as New
Orleans lies one thousand miles from
) Tie closest city on the wheels it will
b Impossible to weld New Orleans into
he wheel this season, and the present
managers will do the next best thing
they viii bring big burlesque stock
ecmpany to this city.
With their own scenic artist, ward
1obemakers, and the best stage direc-
" today in the burIesque market,
Y Sol Myers, this wizard has been
nth Meesrs. Dinkins and Stair for the
pnst seven years, and he certainly will
ave . good line of shows for the pa
ions Of the Greenwall theater this
ssnins season.
:. J. Holland, who also comes from
- East will be the local manager.
~ Holland would say nothing about
9'nself except to state he represents
- best hustlers in the burlesque line
me country, Messrs. Dinkins and
~. Mr.. Holland has made good as
manager at other places and his
ne p and manner inspire conf
nee IN short time. He is a mem
n Of the Theatrical Managers Asso-
non and other organizations.
The herald., 1912-08-15

opinion that the objects and purposes OF
said corporation, as therein set out, are
legal and that none of its provisions are
contrary to law.
Original signed)
ST. CLAIR ADAMS
District Attorney orleans Parish, la.
New Orleans, April 23rd, 1912.
|, the undersigned, Recorder Of Mortgages,
in and for the Parish of Orleans, State of
Louisiana, do hereby certify that the above
and foregoing act OF Incorporation OF the
department Of Louisiana and Mississippi,
Grand Army Of the Republic. was this day
duly recorded in my office, in Book 1905,
Folio 100.
(Original signed)
EMILE LEONARD, d. Il.
l hereby certify that foregoing is true
copy of the original, on file and of record
in my Office.
New Orleans, June %. 1912.
JOSIAH GROSS,
Notary Public.
Aug. S, Is, 90, 30, Sept. 3, 1912.