Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1912-07-11
A
DIAGNOSIS
Bv WILLIAM c. ERNST

In a mining camp III Colorado called
lfnidanhy. there lning no doefur, the
people lived in a state OF anxiety
When any one @nt sick those about the
hilient did not know what To do IN
the premises. ana there was uo one
IN whom to throw the responsible
iiy. A committee was sent over TO
Hutton. where there were two doctors.
with orders TO try TO persuade one OF
them to practice in .Iimdandy.
DR. Farmecute WAS induced to take
a new field especially as DR.. Thorax.
the other practitioner. bothered hlm
by disputing- his diagnosis and treat
ment in every case. II Farmecute said
a man had typhoid fever Thorax de-
clared he had the mumps. II Farme-
cute gave sedative Thorax sneered
and said that he needed stimulant
Therefore DR., Farmecute accepted the
new field with the proviso that II his
diagnosis or treatment were ques-
toned by any one and be shot the
objector he was not to be prosecuted.
The committee accepted the condition.
aud the doctor hung out bis shingie In
Jimdandy.
There had been but half a dozen
cases OF illness In the town In a year.
though they had been worrying ones
to those who took care OF the patients
The hanging out OF doctors sign
seemed to have peculiar effect on the
inhabitants. While it had not occur.
red TO them before that there was any
thing the matter with them, now every
person who passed the Doctors ONCE
and read his sign felt compelled to
consult him. But woe betide any one
who ventured TO disagree with him as
to the disease from which the patient
suffered or the treatment One morn
ing Tim Hickson was passing the doc
tors office when Jim Ferguson came
crashing through the door. forwarded
by the toe OF the doctors boot.
whats up. Jim% asked Hickson.
why. | consulted the doctor for a
sore throat. and he told me the trouble
was in the stomach. said could eat
well enough ir | could get anything
down, but | couldn't swallow. where
upon he hustled me out"
t'Served you right said dickson.
The doctor came here with the stipu-
lation that he was not to be disputed
professionally"
IF that's so how am to get even
with him!"
Well If you want to get revenge
you'd better TICKLE him on some other
subject Ii you insist on throat trouble
when he says your stomach,s wrong
and he shoots you he's not to be pun
ished pr
Ferguson passed on. rubbing his
bruises and trying TO think OF a way
to get even with the doctor. 1t was
evident that in professional way
Earmecute bad the people Of Jimdandy
with him la any fracas in that line
they would favor him. and the result
would be to the discredit Of his pa
tent. Ferguson brooded over his
treatment, but his9throat got well Of
itself.
One day he went back to the doc
tors otfice-this time he had his gun
with him-nnd said:
Doctor, I'm sick. l reckon I'm go
ing to die"
Where does the trouble lie"
"Oh. don't know. I'm no diagnoser.
| That's for you to find out"
Il didn't mean that | want you to
tell me what's the uatter with you
want to know your symptoms.
Il haven't any symptoms.
Then you haven't any disease.
Yes. | have"
The doctor had turned away. and
when be saw the patient again Fer
guson was looking at him from be
hind the muzzle Of a revolver. His