davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
LFrom the Chicago News. ]

Some people learn to do by being done.
1t always costs more to acquire
crouch than it is worth.
No, Cordela. a dancing academy is not
necessarily hop joint
Before marrying a poet a girl should
have her appetite amputated.
A girl of 10 hates to be kissed almost as
much as girl of 20 doesn't.
It may be all right for a man to have a
past, if it will only stay past.
If you make a remark don't you ENJOY
having some one say, rs that SOP
The less man understands what he's
voting for the more excited he gets over
an election.
We would like to see picture of the man
who can always please himself and his
wife at the same time.
Success seldom comes to man until
late in the game. BY the time he is in a
position to get all the pie he wants he IS
a dyspeptic.
Here is the recipe for making Wall
street consomme: Take a little common
stock add seven times as much water
then catch your lamb.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
AXHAWKER .JCTS

One of the markets in WaKeeney is
original to the extent of having Thurs
day for fish day.
Frosty mornings have their draw
backs, remarks the Sabetha Star,
among which is not the buckwheat
cake.
According to the st. Francis Herald
Holsters have a great dread of thun-
der and when peals are very loud will
swim to deeper water.
Language was invented for the in
terchange of ideas, explains the Burr
Oak Herald, but one would not judge
so from some of the conversations
he hears.
A girl will spend two hours fixing
her hair, says the Cassoday Times
after he calls it will be all mussed up
in a fake struggle over a kiss.
An old darby prayed for the good
Lord to send him a turkey, relates the
Scranton Gazette, but no turkey came.
Then he prayed the Lord to send him
for a turkey and he had one before
midnight.
This was a great year for apples
and politics, is the way the Jennings
Echo puts it. But Editor Shook is
ton to the fact that a big portion of
every apple crop is rotten.
If you travel in the smoking car of
life, remarks Doc Callen of the Pitts
burg KanSan, you will notice a lot of
men who are only stub chewers, but
who are willing to save the nation if
you would only give them chance.
From optimistic Will Palmer of the
Jewell County Republican: With cleo
trio lights, electric ironers. electric
washers and electric cleaners, it looks
as though the time is near when a
woman can keep house simply by
pressing the button.
Abilene gets some free advertising
in the Beloit Gazette, as follows; Abb
1ene is organizing a Country Club
which will be located two blocks
north and one block west of the bust
ness center-but then Abilene was al
ways regarded as a country town.
Fine sarcasm from the Prairie
Ridge correspondent of the Irving
Leader: Emil Musil has built an ad-
Cody school house. We expect he is
going to begin patching pretty soon
from the preparations he is making.
Instead of urging the public to do
its Christmas shopping early, the
Usage City Free Press Public Opinion
blows this toot on the newspaper
horn: Mr.. Business Mani Now is
the Time to Do Your Christmas Ad-
vertising. Christmas Will Soon Be
Here"
That man who is often too i'll to
follow his regular avocation can still
indulge in his favorite pastine is sug-
Western Kansas World: Dan Nc
Knight was up from Banner this week
taking medical treatment. He visit
ed the horseshoe pitching ground near
the depot and had a nice time trying
t" beat John Blake1y at his own game.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
SAYS UNCLE CAV

All things work together for good,
and the other day a certain busy Mr..
Maxim invented a silencer for motor
boats That anybody should be able
to extract the noise from a motor
boat without wrecking the craft itself
is remarkable, but it is the more re-
markable when one remembers that
this notable human service has been
done by a man who for some years
has directed his efforts toward fur
nishing various expeditions means OF
removing his fellow beings from the
planet. It's a far cry from war ma
chimes to motor boat mufHers, but
Maxim spanned the gulf simply
enough, and now promises to silence
automobiles. In which case, it is pro-
bable that the pOpulace will rise up
and build him a monument upon which
there will be an inscription to the eff
feet that his works for war have. been
outweighed by his labors for peace.
An editor has pointed out the fact
that the Maxim motor boat S1Iencer
is hugely significant. Heretofore we
have been measuring progress by the
acceIeration of the bombardment OF
the ear drums and the increase in the
number of nervous prostrat1onS. Every
time we have been startled out of
years growth by a sound like the
crack o. doom or the rending of the
knowing that somebody had invented
a new labor saving machine or an
other plaything for the nouveaux
riches. In the name of progress we
have filled the earth with the groan-
ings and roarings and meanings and
wailings of a million ear-spltting,
notwithstanding mechanical Franken-
stems, and, thus far, we have just
grinned, paid the nerve specialist and
let it go at that.
1t has never occurred to us that
we might stop that never-ceasing
universal racket. But now comes Mr..
Maxim who, after having silenced the
instruments of death, has turned his
hand, naturally enough, to the other
end of the scale and proposes to put
the uuietus upon the instruments of
work and play. Having tanned the
motor boat. he will doubtless proceed
to make regions infested with automo-
biles habitable. Afterward he will be
expected to remove the rattle from
street cars and railway trains, and rob
the steam riveter of its horror. When
the crisis comes the man arises. Thus
far, in seeking to make the earth
better place to live, we have succeed
ed largely in making it so noisy as to
be almost uninhabitable.
But all things work together for
good, and the maker of death deal
ers has turned to the killing of noises.
And it is just possible that Maxim,
the silencer, will be the hero of the
twentieth century.-(Copyright. 1912,
by the Mcclure Newspaper Syndicate)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
QUAKER fluctuations.
fFrom the Philadelphia Record.

From the Philadelphia Record.1
A hint to advertisers-aH that glittefs
isn't sold.
Many man has reached the heights by
putting up a bluff.
Every man is taken at his face value in
the barber shop.
The fact that talk is cheap is what
makes it so expensive in the end
A woman is apt to cultivate the latest
wrinkle, unless it happens to come in her
face
Blobbs-''I believe cat is said to have
nine lives" Slobbs-''Which is ten times
too many"
A man never fully appreciates his club
till he gets married and has home of his
own.
Some girls go through a marriage cere-
mony as though they had been used to it
all their lives.
Any theatrical manager viii tell you
that, while the deadhead is a thing of the
passed, he is always present
wigg-''Bjones isn't very suggestive, is
he?" Wagg-''No; he always looks to me
nike a man who felt ne owed himself an
apology.
Sil1icus-''Do you believe marriages are
made in heaven Cynicus-''Wel, if they
are. the celestial powers must be mighty
careless at times"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
CLEANLINESS AND HEALTH.

THE Netherlands as all the world
Knows is a country streaming with
water-water in the rivers, water in
the canals, water bombarding the
dykes of the sea coast, water pumped
by myriads of windmills and water
splashed around by uncounted mops
and wash-cloths. Much of the time
there is water in the air, for Holland
is a rainy land of mists and fogs.
MANY Americans who are over-fond
of water, applied externally or used in
ternally, think that such conditions
must naturally breed colds, rheuma-
tism. influenza. bronchitis, pneumonia,
tuberculosis and other diseases which
are often associated with dampness
and chills. But it appears from official
statistics that the death rate in Hol-
land is wonderfully low. The great
Dutch cities put to shame the most
fortunately situated and best-govern-
ed centers of population in America
in respect to the annual rate of NOR
tality.
In the year ending August 1, 1911,
the death rate for Amsterdam, city
of about 100000 inhabitants, was lit
tie less than ten in every thousand
of the population. In Rotterdam, with
a population of 100000, the rate was
a small fraction over ten in every
thousand of the inhabitants, and in
The Hague, the beautiful capital Of the
kingdom, which contains 100000 resi-
dents, the number of deaths in every
thousand was a little higher than in
Rotterdam.
These figures range from 80 to 50
per cent better than the mortality
rates in large American cities. The
average death rate for the entire
! country is only 90 or So per cent of the
rate for the United States, notwith-
standing the great apparent advantages
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02

Supt. Carson, of the geological garden
in this city, is advertising for a young
nannygoat. He wants the goat for A
companion to Katrina, the young hip
popotamus.
Katrina has been worrying of late
and the superintendent sent to Hagen
beck. in Hamburg, who formerly owned
her, to learn what the matter was. The
reply came back that Katrina was used
to a nannygoat as her constant COM
panion. Carson had no nannygoat. so
he put a billygoat in Katrina's com
partment. The hippopotamus promptly
rejected the billy. Then Carson bor-
rowed young nannygoat, and Katrina
made friends with her and became good
natured, but this goat had to be taken
away, because she was nursing two
kids. Then Katrina again became
morose.
Carson says Katrina will not harm
the nannygoat, for she is hardly more
than a baby herself, being less than 8
years old, and weighing only 900
pounds.-New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
EVENING CHAT
BIZ RUTH CAMERON.

And now let's see what's in the
next window. oh, 1 DO love to look
at pretty things"
1 was standing in front of q shop
window in which q riot of exquisitely
| tinted scarfs, deIectable fabrics, mag
nificently fragile laceS and voluptuouS
furs was displayed, when 1 heard the
above remark. 1t was uttered in a
voice so thoroughly happy and full of
pleasure that instinctively turned to
look at the speaker.
L saw middle aged woman with a
sweet, refined face and very shabby
clothes. Her hat reckoned to have
beer made in 1910 and retrimmed in
1911. Her gray suit dated back to the
days of pleated skirts and three-quar
ter coats. Her gloves were much worn,
and she had absolutely none of the
accessories in the way of furs and
laces and scarfs at which she was
gazing.
And yet her voice was so full of
pleasure that it had attracted my at
tention, and her face was ecstatic as
her voice.
none of the lovely things which it is
plain she appreciates so fully. She
has something infinitely more valua-
Bile; she possesses one of the most po-
tent of all the keys to happiness-the
ability to enjoy beauty without pos
SeSsing it.
The world is full of beautiful things;
to look at beauty is one of the most
natural anu LlOSI HedlIny sources OF
happiness. And yet there are a great
many people so built that thew can
not really enjoy anything however
beautiful unless it belongs to them.
The desire for possession is one of
the most deep rooted and enduring of
human passions. From the baby who
reaches out his hand for the bright
eject that attracts him and cries
when he can not have it, to the old
man who schemes by an ingenious will
to keep his hold on his posse ssions
even beyond the grave, we are all more
or less its slaves.
1t takes a philosopher to break the
chains and to realize that true content
does not necessarily lie in possession
And this woman was evidently a phil
osopher. Think of all the infinite
are often discontinued because even
their wealth has a limit. Hers has
none; all that she sees is hers to en-
joy because she can enjoy it without
possessing.
ut makes me perfectly miserable to
have to be with Rosamond," a rather
plain girl said to me once, because
because l never can look like that
You see she was an abject slave of
the desire for possession
How much happier is the state of
mind OF another woman who says, st
think enjoy a beautiful woman as
much as man does. You see I love
beauty for itself and whether 1 find it
IN a man or a woman, ship or a sky
or flower, take pleasure in it,
Lucky the man or woman who can
teach himself OF herself to eniov
beauty without forever coveting it, for
the world is full of beauty and hence
full OF happiness for such a one
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
GLOBE SIGHTS
BY THE ATCHIsoN GLOBE

Most of the Christmas presents go to
those who don't need them.
1t isn't the gasoline SO much as the other
liquids which make joy ride dangerous
Probably the greatest sufferer is an old
man who sees a young man take his job.
Some people want justice, and othe1s
can't hope for anything better than q
hung jury
Generally speaking, a hunter is a boy
who will become sportsman If he doesn't
outgrow it.
A crouch remarks that Mr.. Maxim
should have invented a silencer for d
piano instead of a gun.
Makers of counterfeit money also go TO
considerable trouble in planning their jour
ney to prison.
Generally speaking, the honeymoon is
short enough without taking the wedding
trip in an aeroplane.
Mems hats are no longer lined with white
satin like jewel case, but the price re-
mains lofty and overbearing.
While we expect a good deal, wo don't
expect shippers and railroads to agree on
what constitutes q just freight rate
BY the way OF variety, a actress might
secure considerable advertising by re
naming happily married to her first
choice.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02

of this country in dry soil, wide open
spaces and abundant sunshine. 1t is
doubtful whether any part of the
world can surpass the record of the
damp, rainy, cloudy Netherlands in
respect to it's low death rate and high
average of good health and physical
vigor.
Here is a case for cleanliness as
an aid to long life and bodily sound
ness which ought to convince all who
have doubted the wholesomeness OF
the free use of water to fight dirt and
keep a country and its inhabitants
clean and healthy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
WHEN WILLIE READS.

When Willie-whose young years
now number ten
When Willie reads to grandma,
whose dim eyes
No longer follow print,
the listener,
With ear intent betrays
no rude surprise,
Nor does she interrupt by useless inquiries
The news that masQuerades
in such strange guise,
When Willie reads
When Willie reads the letters
big and bold,
That top the dreadful tale of shot
and shell and mine,
New horrors ever rise amid
his hating spell
AS on he reads; and in
one dreadful line
transforms the coma ring Bulgars-
save the mark
To b-u-r-g-l-a-r-s, Burglars at the gates
of Constantine
When Willie reads.
&C. d. in Indianapolis News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
HVMOR or THE DAY

II don't trust that man." 'rvVhy not?s'
when he was talking, he looked me
straight in the eye just as that rascal who
sold me the fake mining stock did."-De-
troit Free Press.
Laying down the volume of Words
worth, of whom she was an earnest dis
ciple, the precocious child turned to her
mother with a sigh. IF heaven lies
about. US in our infancy as the poet
says" she queries, what will happen to
us when we grow upT'-L1fe.
the little boy?' His Elder Brother-''Oh.
'e's crying cos I'm eatin' my cake and
won't give i'm any," The Old I.ady-"'Is
his own cake finished. them His Elder
Brother-"Yes; an e cried while I was
eatin' that too."-Sketch.
Dizzying.-"In this great and glorious
country of ours" exclaimed the political
orator, there is no North, no South. no
know where we are at" came a uuernioI,s
voice from the outskirts OF the crowd
Town Topics
Proved.-"Do you believe that monev
makes the mare go?" asked DubbIeipb
Sure" said Wiggley las soon a.
man gets money he buys an AUTOMOBILES
and the mare goes for what she's worth;
-Harper's Weekly.
Her Method.-Mrs. Exe-Does yo,lr b,,s-
band ever refuse you when you ask him
for little money? Mrs. Wye-I Devsr
ask him for little money; ask him
for a lot, and what get is a Httle.-Boa-
ton Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Most people are reluctant to hang
out signals of distress.
- = y
There may be scientific reasons for
most things, but few people can I'M
derstand them.
Among the fortunately constituted
folk are those who can keep still at
the right time.
Practice may make perfect, but it's
so often tedious that few people have
any hankering to attain perfection.
\ \ y
1t doesn't pay to become too expert
at any game. If you do no one will
want to play it with you.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
DAFFYDUS
BIZ U. HoALL.

When old people play tag is the
hermit?
(Cheer up, lad June is only six
months away
How can a baldheaded man be heir
to fortune?
(Turn him over to the railroad de-
tectives He's the boob that put the
bum in bumpers.)
Would it be reasonable to expect
rough treatment from gentleman
John Henryi Don't stay in bed an
other minute. You get right up and
start the fire.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
FROM OTHER PENS
PLURALITY VOTE ELECTION.

In nearly all of the states the candidate
LOT onice who receives a plurality of the
vote IN an election is elected and emitted
70 the position to which he aspirei but in
New hampshire and Vermont a Candidate
must receive a majority of all the votes
cast Tor the particular office for which ne
Is running to be successful. In New
hampshire on Nov. Samuel d. Felker
the democratic candidate for governor.
received plurality of LOO votes over his
opponent receiving the next highest num-
Der of votes, but he did not get ma
Jority OF the votes cast for governor, the
election Is thrown into the Legislature. ~
the election of Nov. 5, however, the voters
or New Hampshire ratified an amendment
to their state constitution changing the
requirement of a majority to a plurality
to insure and election, and hereafter the
rule in that state will conform to that OF
the other states with the exception of Yer
mont, and, therefore, its legislatures of
the future will never be called upon to
elect a governor. The incoming Iegfs-
lature of New Hampshire should elect Mr.
Felker governor, in view of the fact that
he is the choice of greater number IT
the voters of the state any other candl-
date, and also in view of the adoption by
the people of the constitutional amend
ment which, if it had been In force on
election day, would have made Fe1ker's
election certain.-Nashville Democrat
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

IFrom the New York Press.1
Doctors make a lot more money out of
midnight suppers than out of peot lie
working themselves to death.
The reason a woman wants to walk 81
fast in tight skirts is she would want to
walk slow If they were loose.
What inspires a very tall thin girl Is
she doesn't look so to anybody the way
she would If she were short and fat.
The first time a baby comes a man
gives his wife a set of jewels: the sew
erth time an expense account book.
1t takes a mans family month before
to get the Christmas gifts, and him
eleven months after to get over paying
for them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02

A considerable number among the
wiser folk can laugh with contentment
over the report that a material rise
in the price of potatoes is threatened
Hhey put a winters supply of them in
their cellars when the prices were low.
Rut it isn't often that any of the poor
cid consumers have chance to smile
aver beating the cost of living in any
Nfttle particular.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02

4 Presumably the pardoning of Al
bert T. Patrick from a life sentence
in Sing Sing prison for the murder
Of the old millionaire, Rice, is also
contributory evidence of the sound
ness of the theory that everything
comes to those who wait.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02

And still there is to be another
great reduction in the cost of living.
In the big ostrich feather mart at
London, from which the bulk of the
worlds supply radiates, the best South
African feathers are now bringing
only $3.50 per pound, while the price
has been as high as $40 a pound.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02

show in London for the purpose Of
demonstrating that all suffragettes are
not devoid of personal charms. And
much more support for the cause will
probably be won by the latter activ-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02

Surely there is no thorn without it's
rose. The Balkan war has given the
Turkish authorities a convenient ex-
cuse to abrogate the constitutional
form of government. such as it was.
which was established by the Young
Turks when Abdul Hamid was de-
posed as sultan.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02

Whitelaw Reid is reported to be
suffering with a nervous breakdown
Surely he has been wearing knee
hreeches at the Court of St James
long enough to make the suggestion
unreasonable that his retirement from
that post in the immediate future is
responsible for his ailment
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02

Undoubtedly Grahame White, the
famous English aviator, has also in
vented life-preserver that will not
fail under any sort of conditions or
regardless of the test to which it may
be put. He is planning to cross the
Atlantic in an aeropIane
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-02
ny THE WY
BY HARVEY PARso11A

If we We're "a court, and were called
| upon to decide who was guilty of col
| liSion" when an auto and wagon met
on country road, it would worry
US. We haven't an auto, and as an
ex-drivef of farm wagons, would, upon
the first impulse, give the wagon drlV-
! er the best of it; but sometime we
hope to own some kind OF gas wagon
and that puts a different complex
ion on the case.
BUT we are not a court, or even a
juror; Furthermore, it looks like the
1912 model of buzz-wagonS would be
something to keep in a glass case, or
send to Worlds Fairs with other an
| tiques, before we own an auto.
SO why worry?
A movement is now on foot (per-
haps ION the hoof' would be .better)
to prevent the killing of calves. This
department will support that move
ment to the last pound of veal Veal
is our second choice of nothing to eat.
The first choice is mutton. A bill to
classify the sheep with Dyche's game
birds, and make it a crime to place his
cold, calm remains on the market, Will
get an extra effort out of this depart
menc.
In fact, this department is just as
narrow minded about the sheep as a
food as the anti-tObaccO crank, who
tried to smoke, got sick and never had
the nerve to make another attempt, is
about tobacco.
What are you particularly narrow
minded about?
When you see something advertised
as an offering" you may as well de-
eide that somebody wants something.
Even when a preacher 'offerS up" a
prayer, he is asking for something
that may not have been earned.
bella Donna" is the name of
play. 1t is said to be strong play.
1t has the sound of drug store, and,
if anything like Ghosts and other
problem plays, enjoys an equally
strong odor.
Singular1y enough, even a stand-pat
Republican judge is not against the
third term when hardened two-timer
comes up for sentence.
One may pipe. from current want
ad, that an auto crank has been lost.
If the auto crank is anything like the
one who almost ran over us at the
corner of Tenth, let us hope that he
remains lost.
Pick Smith is going to publish
book. If you can't afford a Pick
Smith book and a Parsons book with
in the same season, wait for the Pick
Smith book and get something good.