Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1912-02-18


Hood who introducing himself as an
outlaw. sang: but outlaws now, you
see. are men of wealth and rank and
pedigree" There was loud blast
from bugle i'm the forest depths
and il was announced: That's Bob
LaFollette" Very faint blasD That's
Cummins." General mix-up OF dis
cords) Henry Watterson is in con-
ference with Woodrow Wilson"
That tuneful air old Cross Bow
was given strange twist, as fol
lows:
"A statesman who dwclt on the Out
looks Edge.
Was daft with his old Big Stick
a dove Of peace lit on his window
ledge.
He his it an awful lick.
He stopped awhile, and To sigh be-
gan:
They heard him both near and
far.
If YOU wait for the office to seek
the man.
The office says, stay where You
are"
Dame Marketing declared she had
been deceived by all parties. AMI
expressed her Indignation at the high
cost of living, TO the tune Of oh,
Promise Me"
You promised me that one day !
could buy.
a steak without a mortgage IN
tho farm.
You said with DR.. Wiley's help.
you'd try.
ITO shield the family stomach from
all harm,
And vet when / take out my pocket
book each day.
"And see how all my old mans
coin has slipped away,
Il shed another tear drop as / say:
You promised me; YOU promised
mo"
The Court of Honor met in open
session before the guests to settle
all questions requiring arbitration.
sanitation and illumination and was
ready to report. Here were some Of
the questions and the courts ans
wers:
Have you looked into this dispute
over Universal Arbitration?'
We have"
Everybody favors it. I suppose ~
Everybody but the United States
Senate"
What is your decision in the dis
pute between Judson Harmon and
Mr. Bryan
Mr. Bryan VIII allow Mr. Har-
mon 20 remain in the race on one
condition"
What is that
The condition that Mr.. Harmon
refuse to withdraw"
Have YOU settled the row between
oscar Underwood and Mr.. Bryan 30
we decided Bryan was infringing
on copyright He has no bust
ness 10 try to organize an Ananias
Club"
The court also decided that the
only difference between LaFolie1te
and Cummins was in the fact that
There is only one center OF the
stage The august tribunel came To-
grief when asked what it had to
say about the rumor"d struggle be
tween Taft and Roosevelt. Each
member threw up his hands, and
walked out without saying any
thing. and when the Press agent
Can essential feature Of the COURT
was appealed to he exclaimed. ~
great surprise. Me-" I've got moth
ing to say. / started it"
II remained for the Democratic
Presidential Steeplechase' skit to
bring out the candidates in full force.
bookmakor appeared with his
blackboard. sheetwriter and other APP
,.r,t,s and announced the entries
as follows:
Here is woodrow w sired by Jim
Smith and damned 10y Henry Wat
terson breezed out well on his last
trial. going faster under hard pun
Next is Judson II. an old cam
paigner. begot by Grover {. fam
Gus stake horse and damned pE
W. J. Bryan.
Here is Tom Marshall and J. W.
Kern entered by the Tom Taggart
stable from the banks Of the Wa
bash. and coupled in the betting.
Next is Champ and Gov. Folk,
entered by the show me- stables.
The governor has just been kicked
in the paddock by Champ, coupled
in the betting with him. and law
vers can let their money stand or
take it down w J. stone and J.
Reed both likely boys will ride them.
Here is William Jennings who VIII
be ridden by W. J. Bryan, the Only
rider who has ever been able 10
stock on his back.
Next comes Oscar w. niue con
sentative over the jumps, out last
colt: J. Bankhead up.
Last but not least. is Eugene n
entered inadvertently by Henry Cabot
Lodge"
The funniest kind of betting TOT
lowed and the horses got away. put
unfortunately the Gridiron CluD
failed to enlighten its guests as 10
the identity of the winner. for gust
as the ponies were punched In the
homestreatch in an exciting Ihllsh
the police raided the hall ana piich-
ed the bookmaker.