The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1912-01-08
Old Maids Convention.
Reported by an Old Bachelor)

S1NN' eihhoo bNpiNS' NNSNfAA'S0 -
man, determined to treat the
public to good entertainment on
New Years evening, and Incl
dentally, replenish the Golfers of
their church. Accordingly twen-
ty Of them volunteered to put
themselves under the training of
Mrs. j. V. Roger who taught
them how to properly conduct
themselves in a convention where
men might be present. Since so
many had failed to make a catch
during the prevalence of the pres
ent style of women's dress, it
was agreed that all should wear
costumes of Ye 0lden Times, to
see if the eligible old bachelors
and widowers might be sufficient
ly aroused to sit up and take no.
tice. To this end attics, dusty
bandboxes, and old trunks were
ransacked for silks and satins
containing more fabric to the
square yard than the present
styles, and the total result was a
treat to the old fellows who pre-
fer to have their girls" clothed
in at least a slight degree of mys-
terry.
The time of the convention hav
ing arrived, and all being in read
mess, what is supposed to be the
fifth annual Old Maids Conven-
tion was called to order by the
president, Mrs. C. B. Stevens.
The secretary, Miss Nellie Hays
then read her imaginary report
of the last meeting, to which the
anxious Maids lent instant appro-
val. 1t is not making Miss Mel
lie differ greatly from the others
to say that she is supposed to
have originated the convention
idea five years ago. AS to Miss
Minna Thompson's job as treas
urer, we will leave our readers to
guess the report she could make
for being custodian of the sums
that might have been placed in
her care by twenty old maids
whose purses must supply the
wherewithal for icecream and
other delicacies so dear to femi-
ninity.
Among the many good things
brought out in the play was a
solo Pm So Glad I've Been an
Old Maid for Sixty-three Years."
which, needless to say did not
quite meet the approval of her
sisters; and then Miss Mary
Wilkinson sang the Last Rose of
Summer with such distressing
pathos that tears rained from the
eyes of the audience like a June
shower.
After the report of the chair
MAN of the Lookout Committee,
which showed that not one Batch
or Widower in the town had been
overlooked, there was a knock at
the door, and Prof. Pinkerton
Russell Stevens) was announc-
ed, with his wonderful invention,
the Electrical TRANSFORMER"
which was guaranteed to change
the most unattractive old maid
into a charming maiden, At
first the ladies were a bit incred-
ulous, but the Professor soon
won their confidence, and the fun
began. The treasurer was the
first to enter the wonderful ma
chine, and as soon as the door of
the machine was closed the Pro-
fessor began to turn a ponderous
crank causing the machine to
sound like a double-geared corn
shelter. The door was then
thrown open when out stepped a
beautiful maiden as sweet and
pure as though she had just been
waited in from fairyland. The
ladies were now convinced that
the TRANSFORMER was no fake
and they just fell over them
selves to get the next chance.
Everything worked most salts
factorily, until it became Miss
Joan Morton's turn to be trans
formed. When the Professor
asked her what she desired to
become, ,she said, "A MANI
The Professor nearly fell down.