The Elk Mountain pilot., 1912-09-26
WHEN Mr.. PHILBIN
WENT ON THE STAGE
By FLORENCE NEYHARr.

has gone on the stage!"
Mot really?" the other women
shrieked after they had caught their
breaths.
NO." said Mrs. Philbin. mot really
Just on the amateur stage. But It's
lots worse than real acting. don't
know anything better calculated to
make a staid, grown-up man kick up
his heels, buy new neckties and gem
orally conduct himself in httenish
way than a request that he lend his
presence to an amateur production. 1t
holsters him up in his secret convic-
ton that he Is = perfect mine OF un-
discovered genius.
"'Oh, MOI he said at first. You
don't want me! l never acted in any
thing in my life and can't do 1t! I'd
ruin the piece! Get some one else!
I'd ruin the piece! Get some ono
else!' Afterward he told me that he
hated to disoblige them but he really
couldn't do 1t. congratulated him on
his good sense, whereupon he looked
at me as though he had caught me
trying to poison him. He said he re-
gretted to see how little confidence
/ had In his ability and was panied
at my exhibition OF jealousy.
9 Then he raced to the phone and
told the committee that just to oblige
them and help them out Of hole he'd
take the part.
After that Albert was lost to the
family. He passed three whole eve
nings running his hands through his
hair and memorizing his part. II I
90 NJ ma
wildly as though he belonged to an
other sphere and resented my advent
into 1t.
After he went to the first rehearsal
life became very hard at home be-
cause Albert took to going over what
he called the business Of his part. 1t
is disappearing TO have a man. even
II he is your husband. rush at you
from behind portieres and wander
about with the furniture In his hands
muttering to himself!
Mrs. Lemmock called one evening
and walked in Just as Albert tore
through from the dining room into the
parlor shaking his fist and yelling. I
have you now. you moral leper. and
your life-your life is not worth an
hours purchased You can't blame
Mrs. Lemmock for taking 1t person.
ally, especially as Albert's fist was
flourished within an inch Of her nose.
During this time II I remarked to
Albert that the cook was going to
leave he would stare at me and say.
Scat last. Montmorency. have un-
masked you!' 1t was impossible to
carry on any conversation with Albert
for weeks. He was always bursting
out with bits Of his part. Finally he
insisted on my learning the part that
dovetailed with his so that he could
practice at home.
'.Now. I love my husband and al
ways try to please him. but consider
this my crowning act of self-sacrifice.
OF course Albert was working for pub
lie applause. but II any one wants to
know what is my idea Of zero in
pleasant pastimes should mention re-
hearsing a part that you aren't going
to play. Anyhow, it's upsetting to
have your own husband lean over You
tenderly. gaze into your eyes and
make desperate love to you in dime
novel style! 1t makes you feel SO
queer!
"By the third rehearsal Albert had
begun to talk about his art and to
speak OF well known stage people by
their first names. He mentioned the
public as though he had It eating out
OF his hand and he adopted the stage
walk When he stalked downstairs he
thudded like a camel and when he
stalked upstairs I always thought OF
elephants. He knocked all the bric-a.
brac to pieces parading through the
rooms and when he talked he either
doomed or hissed. He demanded po
tatoes in a voice Of tragedy and took
to standing before mirrors in profile.
frowning over his shape. He said the
mirrors were old and worn out and
gave him a curve out instead OF a
curve in.
"He got terribly fretful and when I
objected he told me that l should
make allowances for the artistic TEN.
permanent and that the stage manager
had told him II he had gone on the
stage when he was a youth he un.
doubtediy would have rivaled Mans.
field. Albert gIbomed and tyrannized
and had me jumping six ways at once
hunting up his costume and buying
grease paint and eyebrow pencils and
false hair and letting him repeat his
part to me and assuring him that he
was enhancing in 1t.
when was worn to shreds the
play was given and had my revenge.
I went around into the wings to sec
II Albert needed any help and fell
over shivering. crouching. chatter
ing Individual trying to hide between |
. canvas tree and . rustic gate. To
my amazement 1t was Albert.
"He grabbed me with two ice cold |
hands and chung to me for dear life. |