davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
Humorous department.

Had No Time to Waste.-'I dined
with Henry James, the American nov
elist," said a magazine editor. "at his
London club, the Athenaeum. Over
the dessert l reproached James for the
dreadful way he roasts the morals and
manners of our millionaires In The
Jolly Corner" James said they de-
served roasting, and to prove it he told
me story.
He said a New York multimillionaire
got converted one night at a revival
meeting, and standing up in his place,
the rich convert declared that his con-
version was retroactive and he pro-
posed to make restitution to any one
he had ever wronged.
well, about o'clock that morning
the millionaire was awakened by
long ring at the bell. He put his head
out of the window.
at am Thomas ]. Griggs, was the
reply. I heard about your conversion
and I'd like you to pay me back that
s20O,OOO you cheated me out of in the
U. B. D. receivership.'
"'All right, I'll pay you,' said the
millionaire. But why the deuce he
added angrily, do you want to ring me
up at this hour?'
well, you see,' was the reply, !
thought I'd come early and avoid the
rush."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08

The Old oaken Bucket.-Not far
from Boston is located the we'll which
inspired the familiar lines Of Samuel
Woodwork to the odd Oaken Buck
et." Every time the place is visited
many new traditions are told concern
ing the famous old bucket, about
which people have been singing these
many years. Having drunk deep OF
the sparkling waters, between whis-
tied snatches Of the familiar refrain,
how disconcerting it was to have the
charm broken by learning that the
original "Old Oaken Bucket" was
stolen shortly after his wellknown
poem became famous.
The younger daughter Of Samuel
Woodwork, the author, died recently
in Berkley, Cal, and she often used
to tell about the real old oaken buck
ct and Of the sadness which came
over the household on the day 1t was
stolen. 1t seem as if one of the
family were missing. In this age OF
souvenir collection, VINO KNOWS pul
that the real old "moss-covered buck
ct that hung in the well' may turn
up in the museum or serve as a water
tank in the show windows Of some
enterprising advertiser? There is nc
other water bucket in the world sc
enshrined in the homely, genuine ro-
nance as this one. Even the golden
goblets of royalty and the treasured
chilaces Of the Crusaders have never
awakened the universal and popular
interest attained by the "old oaken
bucket that hung in the WE'LL" until II
was stolen and carried away in the
zenith of its fame.-National Mag
aZine.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08

classes. For the entertainment of his
patron Crichton struck out on a new
tack and composed a comedy, kind of
satire on the follies and weaknesses
of mankind, in which he himself played
fifteen parts. This was, Of course, a
simple thing for the Admirable.
One night in the festivity of the car
nival Crichton was wandering through
the streets playing upon a guitar (the
one awful blight on his character),
when he was attacked by six persons
in masks. Whether or not the music
was the cause of the attack historians
do not say. Anyhow, the Admirable
dispersed all his assailants with his
trusty blade and disarmed their leader,
who, pulling off his mask, begged his
life, saying: Il am the prince, your
pupil" Crichton pulled off his first
bonehead by falling on his knees and
presenting his sword to the prince. He
expressed great sorrow for having
fought, but pleaded self-defense. But
Gonzago, who was about four sheets in
the wind and inflamed with passion at
his being disarmed by a school teach
er plunged the weapon into Crichton's
heart.
Thus the Admirable Crichton was
killed by a drunkard in a street brawl.
Some say he was then 32 years old,
while others declare he was only %.
His death caused much sorrow, as well
as excitement and the whole court Of
Mantua went into mourning for him
for nine months. Innumerable elegies
and epitaphs were struck off for this
wonderful phenomenon, and young
Gonzago was forced to sign the pledge.
Kansas City Star.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08

What He Thousht.-A man walk
ing along the street of a village STEP
ped into hole in the sidewalk and
broke his leg, says the Ladies' Home
Journal. He engaged a famous lawyer
brought suit against the village fol
one thousand dollars and won the case
The city appealed to the supreme court
but again the great lawyer won.
After the claim was settled the law
yer sent for his client and handed him
one dollar.
Whats this?" asked the man.
That's your damages, after taking
out my fee, the cost Of appeal and 9TH
er expenses" replied the counsel.
The man looked at the dollar, turn
ed it over and carefully scanned the
other side. Then he looked up at the
lawyer and said: whats the matter
with this dollar? Is it a counterfeit?'
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
When EIoquenee Didn't Work

When EIoquenee Didn't Work.
There is such thing as being too ca
ger, as witness the following remark:
YES" said the statesman, Il de-
feated myself by my own eloquence
once"
How was that?"
81 was a candidate for the nomination
to congress and I got up and made
speech to the convention, in which
Just naturally flung Old Glory, with q
capital o and a capital G, to the breeze
in so enthusiastic a manner that took
the house by storm. l dilated on the
greatness Of our country and on the
responsibilities of the man who should
be called to make its laws, till one ole
fellow from a back county got up and
said that 1 had convinced him that II
was too big job for so young mar
as I was to tackle, so he moved thai
the convention nominate a man OF
more experience; and by gee, they die
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08

tom. Only time can destroy them
that is, unless electricity takes a hand
Too heavy to rise to the surface and
yet not water soaked enough to sink to
the bottom and remain there, they
crawl along just under the riding
swells. Their abiding place Is no.
where. From the untraveled tracks OF
the seas they may be carried by q
storm directly in the path Of naviga-
tion. WHITTIER they go no word goes
before them. They descend unobserv-
ed, quietly, grimly. Not until they
have struck Is their presence known
Then they take their toll. They destroy
a ship and from it another Of their kind
is made. 1t Is their way of multiplying
and spreading the breed. That Is why
1t is so important that they be destroy
ed.
But now the Seneca has steamed
into the province of the derelict. High
in the mast the lookout Is casting his
eyes on all sides. If he Is not alert, the
derelict may attack those on board the
Seneca Self preservation is strong ir
a vampire.
But now the tip of submerged mass
rises above distant swell. Caught ir
sudden pitch of the sea, the derelict
has revealed itself. From the lookout's
nest the cry sounds. The speed Of the
Seneca is reduced. 1t moves slowly to-
ward its quarry. And now the work OF
Harvesting electricity for the destruc-
ton it must do begins. From the mag
azines are brought mines charged with
sixty pound burdens Of gun cotton
From the storehouses are brought in
sulated electric cables and a hand
magnetic. A small boat Is lowered and
the mines are taken on board. Then
the boat rides over the sea toward the
derelict, risky ride If the swells are
running high.
And next comes the work of placing
the mines where they will create great
est explosions. II the wreck Is sub
merged, the task Is more difficult. More
mines must be used. Exquisite care
must be employed in their placing. Fl
nally the explosive charges are con-
nected by means Of the insulated cleo
trio cables. and the wrecking party
draws off to a safe distance. The man
with the hand magnetic provides the
necessary current. The detonators OF
illuminate of mercury explode. The
primers Of dry gun cotton are dealt
harsh blow. The explosion is suffi-
cient to loosen all the heavy powers OF
the masses of wet gun cotton. And then
the derelict flies apart, its back broken
its sides flying through the air-a
scraping and rending Of planks, the
sudden splash as they hit the water
again-the sound Of a vampire. dying
Popular Electricity.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08

Drew's Barbarous Tale.-John Drew
has always been noted for his clever
retorts, says the Chicago Inter-Ocean
His latest, which is credited with hav-
ing occurred in a Broadway barber
shop, somewhat dumbfounded the ton
serial artist.
Mr.. Drew has very fine and silky
brown hair. 1t looks a little thin wher
1t is uncombed, but properly arranged
it shows itself to be very thick ant
comely.
AS the barber laid his moist, COO
palm on the actors skull he said:
You are somewhat bald, sir. Have
you tried our special tonic?"
YES" returned Mr.. Drew. But thai
wasn't what made my hair fall out"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
. FOR SALE

81 Aerss-Heavy timber land. join
ing lands of Ed Burns, p. B. McAee; Is
acres clear land, ~ acres In timber,
second growth pine and some fine orig
inal pine. Price, $4,000.
200 Acres.-F. L. Lynn, Robinson
place. Large eight room house, big
barn. cribs, two tenant houses. three
rooms each. Fine pasture-40 or 80
acres; three wells, two springs. Five
miles from Sharon. Ten miles from
Yorkville. Five horse farm open. For
a quinck purchase $3.50 an acre. This
Is fine place for home, and a big
proposition for rent.
Forty-On Acres-Of land. one mile
from Filhert. Property Of G. r. Alex
ander. A fine proposition.
1870 Aeres-5 miles west Of the city of
Rock Hill. Joining farms Of A. e. VIII
lis, John McIlwaine and w. L Plexico.
This is one Of the best producing farms
per acre In Ebenezer township; good
pasture. hog wire; horse farm open:
dwelling has rooms; good tenant
house with rooms. Property Of john
son Cameron. For prices apply to ]. c.
Wilborn, Yorkville. 8. c.
T. C., WILBORN.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
His Wasn't the Only one.-A candi

His Wasn't the Only one.-A candi-
date for congress had been making a
speech in one of the towns Of his dis
trict where he was not we'll known per-
sonally, and in the evening while wait
ing for a train he strayed Into a
butchers shop and, without saying
who he was, began to pump the butch
er to find out how he stood.
Did you hear that speech this af-
ternoon?" he inquired, after some gen.
eral talk.
YES" replied the butcher, Il was
there"
What do you think of it?"
"Pshaw," said the honest butcher
1--WE made a better speech than that
a hundred times, trying to sell fifteen
cents worth of soup bones"
The candidate concealed his identity
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08

.sB A clergyman on an Atlantic linei
had to share a stateroom with another
man. After a short while" said tho
clergyman, Il began to worry about
some valuables had with me, and al
last 1 took them to the pursuer, say
ing, I should like to explain to you
that l am very we'll pleased with my
fellow w-passenger-that isl find him
a gentleman in every respect, and
wouldn't have you think that my COM
ing to you with these valuables is to
be taken-er-er-as any reflection on
him. The purser interrupted him with
a broad smile, and said, Oh, it's all
right, sir; your friend has come to me
with some valuables of his own, and
he said precisely the same about your
self. presbyterian Witness.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
Didn't Believe in Immersion.-"D

Didn't Believe in Immersion.-"Did
I ever tell you," asks Erwin Nelson, OF
the Cleveland Leader, 'how my young
est boy baptized his cat? No! 1t was
like this:
Walters playmate was the son of a
Baptist preacher. The kid had seen
a few baptizing exercises and was anx-
ious to initiate them. So the children
caught the family cat and endeavored
to practice the deep-sea method Of i'm
mersion with the aid Of a washtub
The cat couldn't have been sincere In
her desire to lead a better life-she
scratched and squealed until the boys
had to let her go. Then the boy next
door hollered:
"'Dog-gone you! Go on and be ar
Episcopal cat, If you want to-"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
An Unexpected Problem at Panama

An Unexpected Problem at Panama.
"A most curious question has arisen
in connection with the locks at Gatun
and Miraflores, which open on the sea
level sections. When these locks are
filled to the next higher level the ad-
ditional water comes from Gatun Lake
or Miraflores lake. That is to say, the
added water is fresh. A fair statement
would be that all the water in these
locks when full is fresh from the sea
level up. Suppose now that ship has
entered one Of these locks with the
purpose Of descending to the sea and
that the gate to the rear has been
closed. Suppose further that commu-
nication with the sea level section Of
the canal by means Of the great 1S-
foot discharge culvert and all subsidi-
airy culverts has been opened up. Be
cause of the hydrostatic head supplied
by the fresh water in the lock cham
ber rapid discharge will begin. But
when will it cease? Undoubtedly it will
cease when the hydrostatic head out
side and inside the lock chamber be-
come, in point Of pressure equal. But
since the water inside the chamber is
much less salt than outside, and, con-
sequently, possesses lower specific
gravity, the equalization Of pressure
will occur when the water level inside
is higher than that outside. In other
words, the flow will cease before the
levels are equalized. A difficulty would
then arise, it is conceived, in connec-
ton with the opening Of the gates
the pressure being different on the two
sides. 1t is held that by depressing the
discharge culvert to a possible point
the difference in pressure can be reduc-
ed to a manageable amount or even to
zero. The presence Of tidal effects
must also be taken into account. The
result of an investigation into the mat
ter has been the recommendation to
place the whole faces of the discharge
culverts in a horizontal plane and to
locate them at twenty-one feet below
the sea level at Gatun and at twenty
five feet below a Mirafores.-Cassier's
NJ -azine.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
- FOR SALE

/. Mrs. ]. A. Hedgepeth's House
and Lot in Glover. A Big Bargain at
81. 10000.
3. Extra large Lot on Kings Mt.
ST.; houses; an excellent renting
proposition-si to 10 per cent on in
vestment.
4. Several nice Lots near Glover
academy-$225 to $275 each, accord
ing to situation.
s. A Acres, / mile Glover; 7-room
house; barn, well, etc. $42.50 Acre.
8. Three lots on Bethel road-$75
10. 30a a., 4 miles west of York.
Vile; about 100 young fruit trees.
$3.50 per Acre.
IL. 100 a., near Battle Ground; lot
Of good saw timber. $500 per Acre.
IL. 8 lots on New Brooklyn St, $75
Each. All the time you want on these.
13. 6 lots fronting Faires st. 85
Each. 1-3 a fine pasture, close in.
IA. 15 h. p. Engine, sO-saw Gin,
Pres Press: Corn Mill and Betting. Now
Is. S-h. p. Engine, Brick Mill and
Fixtures, at $325, on your own terms.
16. Two 100 acre tracts in Moore
county, N. c., joins ]. q. Jackson.
Now $500 per Acre.
II. 1 6-room Cottage (New), II. E..
Moore residence-$1,50 10000.
18. 22O Acres-Good, sandy land
farm, the w. e. Adams home tract.
$42.5O per Acre. Good terms on this.
10. R. ]. Love home tracts, 245
acres. Plenty Of saw timber, fine bot
tom land; 7-room dwelling and all
necessary out-buildings. $4,000 Acre.
20. 40 Acres-Of the ]. w. Law
renee tract, south Of Allison creek.
81. so Acres-Partly within cor
T. F. Jackson-Glass tract.
CLOVER REAL ESTATE CO
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
Mammy's Expedient.-Little Rastu

Mammy's ExpedIent.-LlttIe Raslus
was becoming very Objectionable in
school, because his wool was growing
longer and longer, far beyond the cut
ting stage. The teacher tried limiting
to no purpose, and then told him out
right to go have his hair cut, giving
him a quarter for the purpose.
Rastus broke out crying and said:
mo, ma'am, l dasn't hab it cut. My
nanny she wants a new switch and
she's done a-growin' it on mex.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
What She Really Wanted.-Ferdie

had just pTOpOSeu 10 NIIIIe'
mo, Ferdie," she said, Il cannot
marry you. The man who gets me
must be a grand man, upright and
square"
MY dear girl" said Ferdie, you
don't want a man. You want piano"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
The Place to Buy

Building Supplies Is from the people
who make a speciality OF this line and
are thoroughly acquainted with every
thing entering into house Building.
We are at all times prepared to fur
nish you with everything needed for
building or repairing your homes.
your barns, fences, etc. We are al
ways prepared to furnish Flooring,
Ceiling, Weatherboarding, Framing,
Shingles. Sash, Blinds, Doors, Frames,
Builders Hardware, Paint, Roofing,
etc, on very short notice. We want
your business and want you to see us
when you have a want In our line.
If you expect to build let us make
an estimate on your plans, whether
you want Frame or Brick work.
II you have Repair Work about the
Home, Store or Office let us do the
work for you.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08

III If every one knew what one says
of the other, there would not be four
friends left in the world. CPascal.)-
From the French.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
lis YORKVILLE SATISFIED

The Evidence Is Convincing. Tho Tes-
timony open to Investigation.
Before a statement can be accepted
here, it must be supported by local tes-
timony-by the evidence Of someone
residing in Yorkville. Statements from
unknown people in remote places may
be true; but we cannot prove them.
Here is a statement by Yorkville
man:
R. ]. Herndon, Main St., Yorkville,
S. c., says: "Doan's Kidney Pills which
I got at the York Drug Store, certain
ly helped me and I am glad to recon-
mend them. Often my back felt weak
and / had lumbago. Doan's Kidney
Pills gave me immediate and complete
relief from these troubles"
For sale by all dealers. Price, so
cents. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo.
New York, sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-Doan's-and
take no other.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08

tg Some people spend all their lives
throwing wet blankets over the fires
of other peoples enthusiasm.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
Bank of Hickory Grove
Hickory Grove, S. c.
GOOD INTENTIONS
!. c. WILBoRN.

Scores of men and women who read
The Enquirer from week to week, have
said to themselves and some have said
out loud to others-some to me-that
1t was their intention at some time In
the future-next fall or next spring or
some other future time, to apply for
a policy in the Mutual Benefit, but not
NOW. They lose sight Of the fact, for
the time being, that NOW Is the only
period that can be safely counted on,
and that good intentions will not, un-
less carried out, supply funds to those
dependent on them with which to pay
the mortgage that may be on the
home, or pay the rent, or buy food
and clothing, or educate the children.
You will never be so young again as
you are NOW and insurance will never
cost YOU less than NOW and 1t Is pos
sible that next spring or fall YOU may
not be able to pass the medical exami-
nation, and YOU may be NOW.
SAM NJ. GRIST, Special Agent.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08

3@ Assassination never changed the
history of the world.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
BRATTON FARM.
Phone No. 1872.

Two fine bred Bull Calves for sale at
reasonable figures-Right blood to
head a herd; also two full bred Guern-
seys and several Grade Cows.
We want more customers for Cream
and Milk.
Stove Wood, split and sawed to
length, delivered on short notice.
]. MEEK BURNS. Manager.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1912-10-08
]. J. KELLER & COMPANY.
NOTICE

- Send your orders for the Better
kind Of Job Printing, to The Enquirer.
Spray courier. (Spray, Or.) 1???-19??, 1912-10-16
AnDou ents.
ip ii Adve, iJg.)

! IIdying received the Dsm,ctatie
nominal an at the primary ,lsctioii fil
Representative for Gillian Wheel, !
and Sherman counties, hereby an
lioun,e nv candidacy fsr that Office
| am ensiiely III favor of The Oregon
system il every WAY, believing lnat
the people should h I'VE ensire rule. |
ain in favor q elec4iig eyerv pubic
oflicial in The United States BY dtfest
vote Of the people. AM opposed 10
single tax, t, the state b,a.ling act
for public high ways, md To change
IN the present law which nigh, take
the power out ol the han Is Of the pso
PIE end place il ii the hands Of the
legislature. ! respec ftlly ask the
support Of the v,ters of tie dist let.
and ii elected Mil % .il III ny poyei
toimpaitially represent The Interests
nf the people Of the VIII ,le dis rict. (
W ] i.DvAhps,
Mayviltr, ore.
Spray courier. (Spray, Or.) 1???-19??, 1912-10-16
r....,s......s.:Y LII E=rus:..r.. j
Pcc7ls sacuId irsist That Candidates.
AhiGe by r suits.

Docs the direct prirs ry law nlea :
anything to Oregon voters? Do til
PEOPLE desire to preserTe this law.
Admittedly the only way to maintain
end strengthen this popular law is
to abide by Its results.
Canator Bourne wes defect fairly
ard salarely for the Republican nom
ilation for United States Senator ~
Ben Selling III the Republican prina-y
election. Later Bourne was turns /
down ty the state convention of T. ,
Progressive party VIXEN lie sought TIL, t
rcrty's nomination.
n tecom.ng ali independent candi-
date, Bourne repudiates tie direct pr.-
mary law and asks the voters 10 -
Gorse that reputation by electing him
Eat we do not think the electors CT
this state Will lie parties to adjustin :
tie direct primary law to meet Il
wh.ms OF Senator Courae or any othc.
G.sn. pointed os.ice-seekcr. The pro-
vaillng sentiment among voters is tn t
since Bourne participated in the rrl-
merry election, is Inconsistent al
entirely unwarranted in seeking to
defeat the result Of the Io-ninatir5
el-ctica.
Spray courier. (Spray, Or.) 1???-19??, 1912-10-16
Saved By His Wife.

She awi>e ~pln ~ y lio kno IS just
y hat To do y hen her husband 5 LIE is
III danger, bur Ms |, J. Flint. Brain
ies. NJ, is of li,at kind. She insisted
nu my using Dr. King S New ri coy
cry, wti;es Mr. q. ior d.eaafnl
cough wiien | aas - Neas III, fli-ues
all thongnt h ID osly shor, time 10
live, 4 il eoilpIrsely cured me a
qaiek care IT cough and c.ld>. il is
tie moa s'sf.- a,ii reliable III dIeine
f,r many truat and iuAg tloubles--
grip. bronchitis. cro.:p wheoping
cough q'iinsy .tnnsllitis. hemnrhages.
trisi wsll convince you. 5Ucts. and
"a G'.g,aatesd by all druggists.
Spray courier. (Spray, Or.) 1???-19??, 1912-10-16
one lcsu. Il ssnatorisI cons- -.

In tbs e7,npaign the voter shoui
net allow Himself to be confused ty
the literary contributions OF Senator
pourae's ps 'slicity department Their
is oaly one Esue involred in the seaa-
t-r.al cont It is plain ana unmis-
t,hable. s nator Bourne. IN tecom!ng
sa ineepcn elt c1nd date. hes repr4-
ieted the Z Get primary law and as,
tie voters TIE stats to iadcrse lis
t7-rse. I'll Selling, tie drect pri
nary nor. ee, stands for the str.et
o,1sr~aGce OF that lsw -.h'cA he as
eir.o5 n - N, fslo -~~-r,
Spray courier. (Spray, Or.) 1???-19??, 1912-10-16

I'ail e ck u Hiassl Nosstn Wras
.Ailf ii'ankeis VI l}Axtsi s. Jsb1iH's.
Fox SsLg--)ne male anil one f.
male registered 9 l.c. hogs So,
With litter. E7or fan par,icultrs write
or phone WNgRisS & tilEsi..
Spray, Ose,
Spray courier. (Spray, Or.) 1???-19??, 1912-10-16
Notice Of Board Of Elual.za.ion

TheBoard Of Equalization forWlieel
er county, Ofgef,, will NEST at The
County G,uit house il Fos il on the
thiid Monday in Oc,obe, { ,ctobef 2 J.
1872, f,r the purpose Of qializing
The assessment roll Fl sad year
PhTER HAwrMaS,
County Assessor nf Waecier Co, Ore.