The Richmond climax. (Richmond, Ky.) 1897-1914, 1912-01-31
Their Narrow
Escapes

1T was like this" explained the man
after the others had told him that he
was looking pale. Il was TO meet my
wife's cousin downtown to buy pres
ent for my wife, and, of course. she
was late / got tired standing in the
store entrance, where we were to find
each other, so l started down the
street to meet her. In the crowd saw
her coming and she was at her old
tricks-carrying her handbag tucked
carelessly under one arm, ready to
tumble out or be grabbed.
Keeping my eye on the bag, l re-
solved to give Emma the jolt Of her
life and scare her into a fit of COM
mon sense. Just as got in front Of
her reached out and took the hand
bag. Then looked at her triumphant
ly. condescendingly, accusingly. At
least, / started out with the intention
of crushing her with that sort of a
gaze, but never completed 1t, because
well, you see, it wasn't Emmal
ut was, however. a perfectly good
imitation Of her and she was both
scared to death. hopping mad and
ready for Mysteries. There was one
awful second when she opened her
lips to scream and at that instant the
crossing policeman looked ten feet
high to me and fierce in proportion
In the last panic of desperation 1
grabbed her arm so hard that it hurt
her so she couldn't yell and pleaded
for my life. l gasped out that it was
a mistake and she Indignantly as
sured me it certainly was, the biggest
mistake Of my life, but that that was
what they all said when they got
caught.
Il assured her that I thought she
was my Cousin Emma and she looked
at me scornfully. She was beginning
to get back her breath and her cour-
age. She said no doubt Cousin Emma
was a most estimable person. but she
didn't thank me for taking her for the
cousin Of pickpocket and opened her
mouth again to scream. 1 think I
shook her then--at any rate, her
scream was lost. l never before talk
ed so fast in my life or so much. II
was like having three seconds before
the drop was sprung to say all
wanted to say. / told her all about my
great-grandfather who was in the Rev
dictionary war and the new house /
was building and how respectable the
club were to which belonged and
how had credit at all the stores.
Either led her to think was in
sane and dangerous OF else my piteous
gaze reused a spark of humanity in
her, because by the time the crowd
had drawn the policeman to us she
quite snapped at him and told him
nothing was the trouble and to go
back to waving his hand at automo-
biles and let her manage her own af-
fairs. Anyhow, she let me stink
away without raising any row. I'm
still shaking!"
Il expect she didn't mind so much.
because she'd spent all her money for
Christmas. and there wasn't anything
In the pocket book" said one of the
other men. I'm not precisely breath
less over your very narrow escape.
because l had one that was so
much worse a short time ago. Say,
couldn't a blind man with his head |
In sack tell from one brief glance
at me that am a respectable, strait.
laced family man? Gould any one ever
mistake me for a gay and roistering
blade, or does any one exist who would |
dream Of accusing me of flirting?
well, the other night was taking
my wife and Jones' wife downtown to
dinner. Jones was to join us at the
cafe. ] stopped to buy a paper and the
women walked on ahead. 1t was ter
ribly crowded on the streets that time
OF the evening, and my wife is SO used
to being looked after that I was
afraid she would walk under an auto
mobile or sit down and rest on the
car tracks or something. SO I tore after
them. l caught up Just as my wife
stepped on the sidewalk to the cross
Ing. Slipping my hand under her ell
bow, / leaned over close and said dis
tinctly-oh. most distinctly-'Be care
ful, dearie, about crossing the
streeti'"
Wasn't It your wife?"
"Of course noti" shouted the man
who was telling the story. TITS never
your wife in situation like that.
Say, the things that woman said
to me then and therel The memory of
them wakes me up in the night and Il
they make frescoes all over any war II
look at! What did I do? What can
man do when a woman possessing
nne and fluent command Of English
and plenty Of time starts in to relate
her opinion Of him to his face? Ill
gasped like a goldfish on land and II
turned pea green and maybe I got
down on my knees to her and prayed II
I'm not sure. II
MY wife and Mrs. Jones were a
block ahead and l was glad they were.
because my wife is-er-excitable II
didn't want to have to explain to her.
too.
Nothing on this earth would have
saved me from being handed over to
me policeman BY that woman II
passing truck horse hadn't chewed her
hat under the impression that the
green leaves on 1t were real. In the
excitement took to my heels. I ran
e though ] had robbed the bank and
had I'VE minutes too few to catch the
rain.
Then my wife made me take a BIT
er tonic three times day for a week
because I had no appetite for dinner
hat night"