davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
Z iikd!
That's WhOt Happend to the Writ
er of These Lines in a Pathet-
iC Scene Witch Tux Place in
Front of the BugIe Offs lest
Before We Went to Press
Further Sad PaTtiCkIers as per
Below

We take our pen in hand to chronicle
Yesterday which it causes US good cal
of pain and humiliashion to write ABOUT,
but being as there amt no use trying to
conceal it sinst the news has spread all
over town and vicinity, we spose we
might as we'll come right out flatfooted
and acknowledge the corn like man.
Last Wednesday after we had wrote
the eddytoriul which appears in the 1st
collum of this ishue, Anne Hillyer, our
prominent loryer, legal light and J. of
the P. dropped into the offise. We admit
hat we was sort of proud of that eddy
toriul which we had jest dashed off, so
we let Anne read it. We now realize that
right there's where we made sad mis-
take Anne he chuckled and laffd and
said he calkilated that when the edditor
of the Hardscrabb1e Banner read that it
would make him squirm some.
Next day Anne had bizness over to
Hardscrabble and while there he made it
his bizness to call on Josh Wilkins, the
Banner edditor, and Anne told Josh as
near as he could recolleckt what we was
a going to print about him, thinking
praps it might lead to personal salt
& battery case and that he (Ane) would
be employed as counsel in the case and
make few dollers.
to press, who should come walking into
the Banner Of course, we diddent know
then that Josh knowd what we had
wrote about him, so we thort discre-
shion would be the better part of waller
and that we wouldn't let on but what
we had the best felings in the world
lords Josh, so we askd him to take a
chair and make hisself at home.
mo, thanks" says Josh, Il prefer to
stand-I jest called on a little matter of
bizness, anyhow, and l calkilate it wont
take long to transackt it. Anne Hillyer
tells me you have wrote up a little peece
about me which you are a going to
print in the Bugle next wk. and if you
amt got no objeckshions would you
mind lettin me read what you've wrote,
being as its very kind of you to make
mentchion of me at all ?"
When Josh said that we t1ort Anne
had tod him that what we had wrote
was son1think complimentary, so we cal
kilated it would be turrible good joke
to let Josh read our red hot eddytoriuI
agin him and Sc him rage, so we handed
him a proof of same.
Josh stood there and read it all
through without battin a eyelash or
turnin pale or gittin red in the face or
ennythink like that, and after he got all
through he says as sweet as you please:
That's a turrible well wrote eddytoriul
and Ill haft to thank you for givin me
so much fire advertising. Ill do as much
for Won some day'
With that Josh handed US back what
we had wrote, said Good day. invited
us to come in and see him next time we j
come to Hardscrabble and then he
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
Local M antchiun

Hi Henderson dropped into our offs
! tother day and askd us if we had emmy
| old readin matter laying around which
we diddcnt want. We give Hi few
copies OF the Bugle of 1888, which we
happend to come acrost. Hi is a power
full hand to read and he don't keer if
the news is leetle mite old.
Miss Almira Hobbs is getting new
polynaise made for her by Miss Phoebe
Eilderbrand, our fashionable dressmak-
er. Phoebe is having a turrible time
giving Almira a flt-Almira has had
four fits already and says she is nearly
in histericks tryin that polinaise on her
self. Phoebe says if there was any shape
to Almira she wouldn't haft to have SO
many fits. 1t is reported that Almira
is a going to get married in this poly
naise, which is why she is so partickler.
The intrust on Brad fuckers mort
gage come due all of suddint last Fri
day. Cy Hoskins holds the mortgage on
Brad as we'll as mortgages on a lot of
other folks in Bingville-that's how Cy
makes most of his money, foreclosing
mortgages. In this case, however, Brad
had forgot all about the intrust coming
due, and when he found it out he had to
scratch around somethink awful to borry
enuff money to pay off the intrust Brad
says it amt paying off the principle that
worries him, but meeting the intrust.
Rev. Saml Moore, the beloved pastor
of the Bingville church, is taking up
subscripshions among the members of
his flock to pay for having new pulpit
put into the church by Lem Brown, our
expert carpenter. Lem says he'll put
one in for S., being as it is for the
church, whereas for emmy worldly cause
he would charge So. The old pulpit is a
reck, being as Rev. Moore has pounded
it all to peeces with his fists to emfasize
his sermons. Some is of the opinion
that being as Rev. Moore busted up the
pulpit like that he ort to pay for it outen
his own pocket. Well he could if the
titewad members of the church would
pay him a small porshion of what they
owe him on back salary.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
EDDYTORIUL

Last weeks Hardscrabb1e Ban
ner had a vishious attack aginst
the Bingville Bugle. We persoom
we ort to jest ignore this SANDER
Gus contumely which the Edditor
of the Hardscrabble Banner has
saw fit to sling at us. We persoom
it would be more digni6de to let it
pass unnotised as not worthy of
our consideration and keep CHS
elm right along as if there wassent
SIGH person as Josh Wilkins, the
pusilanimous, the Hardscrabble
Banner edditor on earth.
In other words we persoom that
we ort to do jest like Seth Dew
berry, our town constubble, done a
couple of years ago when Bill Hep
burn, our artistick blacksmith, come
home from the co. seat one Satter-
day night fullern goat as ushual,
and raised a disturbance down to
Hen Weathersby's store and Hen
he sent for Seth to put Bill under
a rest and Seth he loaded up his
revolver to the muzzle and soon as
he polished up his badge of office
with sl1ourene until it was as bright
as doller, he come on the run to
Hens store and stend UP behint
Bill and tapped him on the shoulder
and says, you're under a rest,
William, and you might jest as we'll
come along with me to the lookup
peaceable."
Jest then Bill hauled off and hit
Seth a wallop alongside the jaw
and Seth fell bacI1ards to the floor,
strikin his head agin the stove with
SIGH Whence that it almost dinted
the stove. Seth, he jumpd to his
feet, but before Bill could hit him
agin Seth rushd outen the store and
lit out for home as fast as he could
go, locking the door after him and
hiding under the bed in the spare
bedroom until further notice.
Sim Jones askd Seth next day
why he diddent retaliate when Bill
hit him a belt like that and Seth
said: ooh, 1 jest considered the
source"
While Josh Wilkins, the con-
tcmptybu1 cur who gifts out that
cheep initashion of a newspaper
knowd to a few subscribers who
won't pay their Subscriptions, is
beneath Our notice we desire to say
that what he printed in last weeks
Panner to the effeckt that we amt
got moren half the circu1ashion we
iclaim, is a rnalishus lie and we can
prove it, being as we have consid-
cradle moren half the circulashion
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
County Correspondence
SLAB CITY

Jemima Peppers of Hickory Corners
driv through here last wl<. on her way
to visit her sister at Hardscrabb1e who
is sick Come agin, Jemima-we are
al1us glad to Sc you pass through.
Jasper Tarbe1l has ben bothered tur-
rib1e by a ingrowing nail in one Of his
boots for week back which hurt him
so that he walkd with limp when he
wore them boots. Finally Jasper got out
of all pachience and TUX the boot to a
cobb1er and had it fxd. Jasp is a awful
pashient man, but that nail goaded him
too fur.
Arioch Wilkins two year ago sold 10
acres of land to Sam Parker for $40 per
acre, but after trying to farm it for 2
yrs. (it being SO turrible Stony Sam got
disguised and sold it back to Arioch for
s. per acre. That's the way to make
money.
Hester Jones who was widdered two
years ago says she is going to get mar
ried agin in the spring. Hester says she
is sick and tired being widdered, and
who can blame her? Who Hester is a
going to. marry we amt learned, but
hope to soon and will let you know.
VOX POPULE.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

we claim, but we won't admit it TN.
til we are drove into a corner, as
you might say.
If we was in Josh Wilkins boots
we would be a 1ettle mite more
keerful about bringin charges agin
our nabers. We never lived over
in Pottowassie county in Our life
and so it wasn't us who left there
about five years ago, having been
drove outen the naberhood becuz
we diddent pay our debts, either
only to settle down in Hardscrab-
bic and start in to publish news
paper which is a disgrase to the
town.
We don't take hard cider in ex-
change for Subscriptions and then
git intoxicated and drive our wife
outen the house until she has to
stop at the nabers until we git
soberd up. Them is two things we
never done and we know of more
things almost as bad we never done
that we could mentchion without
calling any names.
LATER We hereby apologize
for all we have wrote as per above
and are sorry we wrote it. What
we have said about Josh Wilkins is
a base falsehood, being as Josh is
not only skollar but a gentleman,
and enjoys the respeckt of every
buddy who knows him. The Hard
scrabble Banner is newsy, breezy
and up-to-date newspaper, and like
as not it has more subscribers than
the Bingville Bugle.
P. S.-The motive which ack-
us to make the above abb
jock apology will be found else
where in this ishue of the Bugle.
Editor Bingville Bugle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

walked outen the offs. We confess WI
was turrible TUX down when Josh didn'
git mad and what's more we couldn't
| understand it. We watched him as ht
walked out to the street where he hac
hitched his horse and buggy, full OF
mystihcashion at his ackshions.
Jest as Josh was about to step into
the buggy he turned around and hollerd
to us as folders: Gould have word
with you'd come back but I've got my
mare united and she won't stand?"
If we had been as smart as we ushual-
ly be we would of suspeckted treachery,
but somehow or other we diddent and
so we dropd everything and went out to
where Josh was, jest like innocent OK
to the slaughter.
Soon as we got into the pub1ick street
Josh dropd the hitchin strap and jumpd
on us like a ton of brick. If we had
dent of been so surprised we might of
Prevailed aginst him, but being as we
was that flabbergasted our breath was
TUX away to find ourself engaged in
mortal combat, as you might say, or in
other words, battle to the deth.
Without dwelling on the sickening de-
tails which fol1erd siffice to say that
somehow or other Josh got the upper
hand of us and slamd us down on the
middle of the st with turrible force,
where he set on US and nearly pounded
our Ease often our shoulders while we
was holIering Help" and 'Enuffl" as
loud as we could boiler. When we feel
sure that we have had enuff we newer
hesitate to say so and we said so sew
eral times.
Our nabers from every direckshion
come running to Sc what was up, but
Josh told en- all to tend to their own
bizness or he'd give them dose of the
same.
Then he askd US If we would apollo
gise in the Bug1e for what we was
going to print about him and put it
into the same collum with our eddy
toriul or would he be obliged to chastise
us further? We told Josh that under
the circumstances we would be willing
to apologize if he would refrain from
further brute force. whereuDon he let US
and drove off home.
Nothink remains to be said except that
our Ease is sweld up until we look that
ridicl11us in front of a glass that we
don't skeersely know ourself and that
one eye is bunged shet and we can't see
very well outen tother one. However,
Time, that great healer, will in due time
restore our Ease to its nacheral con-
dishion and will also soothe our injured
feelings, we persoom.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
Personal Items

Mrs Abe Skinner drest up last Sat
terday afternoon and started off down
to Hen Weathersby's store with her chin
in the air to do a little fashionable shop
ping, but lest as she was passing Ranse
Hillyer's residence, Ranse's hound pup
run outen the yard and grabbed Mrs.
Skinner by the bottom of the skirt and
tore off about 2 yrd- of edging before
she realized it. Mrs. Skinner was tur-
rible mad, but Ranse only laffd and
told her she ortnt to blame the pup,
who was only trying to play with her
and wassent vishish atall.
Cy Hoskins, our estimable townsman
has another wart coming on his nose.
This makes four warts Cy has had to
grow on his nose in the past 10 yrs. Cy
has tried everything he can think of to
take EN- off but it amt no use. He tried d
acid which Doc Livermore recommend
ed and it TUX the skin often Cy's nose
but not the warts and sinst then Cy
amt spoke to Doc Who can beat this
for four warts on one nose?.
It has reached our ears in a round
about way that some of our readers has
been gi1ty of lending their Bugles to
their nabers' after they git through with
them theirselfs Why will you do this,
subscribers? You ort to be ashamed of
yourselfs. Why should you pay for some
body else's paper who ort to pay for it
theirself? Besides, you might jest as
we'll snatch the bread outen our mouth,
being as long as you lend your paper
to your nabers they would be a fool to
pay us money for it
1t looks as if we was going to have
another snow storm as we go to press,
whereas goodness knows we have enuff
snow on the ground now to last us away
into next spring even if not another
flake don't fall. We would suggest that
our town sslecktmen see to it that the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07
cALENDERs FOR 1913 HAVE

CAME! This is to give notice to the
general publick of Bingville g. vicinity
that have just received 100 caIenders
for the year 1913. These calendars 10
beautiful to behold Some of them
have picters on and some have not.
But all of them have the calender for
sthe next IL mos. FolIering my ushual
custom of the past now offer these
calenders to you at the ridickIus sum
of cts each as long as they last
This is turrible cheep for calenders
when you consider how hard a caIen-
try to use your old calender over again
next year like SO many do in Bingville
becuz it don't pay when you can git a
new one for s cts. Get fresh calen-
der and start in right on the new year.
You cant tell what day of the month It
is from a old calender and if you usa
one you are liable to break Sabbath
before you know it thinking its Sat-
terday or Monday. Don't take no
chancesl A calender is a awful handy
thing to have in the house in case of =
emergency. 1t will tell you when the
moon changes and show you legal
holidays and also indikate how swift
time flies. Come to my offs and look
over this batch of calenders before thew
are all pickd over and the purtiest ones
took out. First come first served in
calenders. My calenderS have alIus
give satisfackShion in the past and I
solicit your paternage for calenders for
the coming yr. Yours for calenders.
AMOS HILLYER
AT LAW, LORYER. / OF
THE P & ALL AROUND legal IIrE
BINGVILLE.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-12-07

snow roller is got out and that the
crossings is kept clean. AT present they |
are almost impossible.
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1912-12-14
Effective Car.Stop Scream introduced by @

CT. LOUIS. Mo.-Passengers on q
y crowded Hodiamont car about
1880 D. m the other day were greatly
alarmed by a child's piercing screams
as the car began to move after a stop
at Clara avenue.
Men and women who had been
lucky enough to secure seats sprang
to their feet and struggled for a view
of the rear platform. from whence
the shrieks came.
A rush which might have resulted
In a panic was averted only because
the congested condition Of the car pre-
cluded any rushing.
As the shrieks rang out the con-
ductor grabbed the bell rope and gave
the motorman the "stop-Quick" signal
The crew and passengers alike wait.
ed breathlessly to learn the cause OF
alarm.
Male passengers, smoking on the
rear platform, performed the seeming
" impossible and cleared a passage
to the steps, through which walked q
matron leading a girl about seven
years of age, from whose eyes the
tears were yelling.
Amt you ashamed Of yourselfT
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1912-12-14
PATCH PAYS FOR SCHOOLING
Lad Expects to Realize More Than
$500 From the Two Acres He 10
cultIvatlng.

Denver. Colo.-A two acre potato
patch on the small ranch of BENJAMIN
Owen Of Bostwick Park, a farming
community near Montrose, Colo. viii
give one Of Owens sons a year in the
Colorado State Agricultural collie se
and another year in the Montrose
high school. according to Vice-Presi-
dent G. e. Holconb of the H. w. ].
Edbrook Realty company. who has re-
turned from a three weeks trip
through that section of the stare.
Owen expects from $500 to $500 for
the potatoes produced this year upon
these two acres.
Holcomb reports other excellent
yields Of potatoes. pears, onions. ap-
pies. small fruit and other crops IN the
Bostwick Park district, and states that
many Of the farmers are doing some
scientific experimenting to determine
the best crops for that particular alti
tude and climate.
He says that marked success Is be.
Ing gained In raising certain varieties.
Of apples. red raspberries and other
small fruits. and that onions and
cabbage have also produced large re-
turns this yeas
He met one farmer who expects to
get $500 for one acre Of onions.
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1912-12-14
FTSH'S TAIL STUNS A HAWK
Spectator Watching the Aerial Battle
Captures Bird and Eats Flnny
Combatant.

West New Brighton, N. Y.-James
Moore had big bluefish for breakfast
at his home the other morning. He
says he took the blueflsh from a fish
hawk after the fish had beaten the
bird in fight.
Driving along the side of the lower
bay on South Side boulevard, Whit
lock, Moore and his Chauffeur. Walter
Pickney, saw the fish hawk and blue
fish fighting In the air. They declare
the fish was hitting savagely at the
hawk in efforts to free itself from the
birds talons. and they watched the
strange battle.
At last the bluefish hit the hawk
over the head with its tail so hard a
blow that the hawk was stunned and
both the bird and fish fell to the
gorund.
Moore and Pickney ran Up and
found the bird had broken its right
wing In its fall and was still uncon-
scious. Pfckney got a rope from the
car and tied its legs before 1t came
to and wrapped 1t in a sack. The
bird weighed fifty pounds and the fish
four pounds. The fish was still alive.
Whe the hawk recovered 1t made a
tremendous fuss, but Mr.. Moore fast.
ened 1t in fowlhouse. He intends
to present 1t to the Staten Island
Academy of Natural Science when its
WING Is better.
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1912-12-14

struggle is General Vukotic, now
commanding the Montenegro force in
the Sandjak of Novki Bazaar. General
Vukotic has travelled in America. as
aide-de-camp to Prince-now King
Nicholas. While devoted, like all his
nation. to his own mountains he is
very appreciative of the pleasures Of
the great capitals. and particularly
fond of Vienna He has very happy
memories of a visit he paid to Lon
don some years ago, when he made
his home at a West end boarding
house (for Montenegro officers sal
aries do not run to hotel prices). and
has a cordial liking for English peo-
pie; he does not speak the English
language. but converses fluently in
French and German. General Vukotic
is a man Of middle age. splendid ply
sique, and. like all his nation. a war
rior born. He was received with wild
delight after the capture of Byelopolje.
one Of the fortresses of the Sandjak
before this province of Turkey was
evacuated at the annexation of Bosnia
and Herzegovina. ......
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1912-12-14

INDIANAPOLIS, Ind.-Miss Grace
i Mockford and Miss Edith Thinner
man. 3037 North Illinois street. were
tempted outdoors by the delightful
weather the other afternoon for what
they planned to be very restful and
bracfng drive over the boulevards
They were In a runabout and the
horse they were driving was a spirit
ed animal.
At Capitol avenue, near Ohio street,
the animal made break and imme-
diately afterward things began to hap
pen. In fact. things happened on
Capitol avenue all the way north to
Twentieth street, which is quite a dis
lance. The two young women thought
1t was quite a distance, at least. and
they never expect to drive through
that thoroughfare in quite so dramatic
a fashion again.
When the horse found that one of
the reins had parted he knew at once
that the other was of no service, for
he was a wise horse. He started to
run, and made up his mind at the very
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1912-12-14

truder. but was easily shaken off by
the negro, who made his escape. pur-
sued by Mr.. Brown and several neigh
bors who had been aroused by Miss
Browns cries.
Senator Brown and family, who
reside in. Philadelphia. have cottage
at 102 Vermont avenue, Chelsea. into
which they moved recently. The
burglar gained access to the house
through a cellar window, going i'm
mediately to Miss Browns room. evil
IDENTIFY in hope of obtaining tewelry..
He carried his shoes in one hand. and
in the other had a bag for plumber.
When discovered he dropped both his
shoes and the bag, escaping through
the same window through which he
gained entrance.
At his daughters first cry for assist
ance Senator Brown leaped from his
bed In the next room and, attired in
pajamas, chased the intruder through
the streets.
Mrs Brown was said to be unstrung
from her encounter with the burglar
MIS- Brown, however, is little the
worse for her experience and was able
to discuss the affair with friends. She
said the negro was at her pillow when
she awakened, peering into her face
in an effort to discover whether he
had been heard. She knew that IL she
screamed then she would probably suf-
fer at his hands, and determined to
pretend to sleep until he was on
guard.
The Madison journal. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1888-current, 1912-12-14

e PRINGFIELD. Mass.--The Spring
y field Newsboys' association has or
ganized a police force to patrol the
business section of the city to see that
the 'newsies" conduct themselves
properly and also that their rights
are not infringed upon. Solomon
Skvirsky, president OF the associa
ton and '"chief of police" ex-offlcio
has appointed a sergeant and patrol
man for each ward.
Young Skvirsky came to this coun-
try from Russia when four and one
half years old, and since he was seven
years old he has earned his own liv-
ing by selling newspapers. He is the
most important person in Springfield
in the eyes of the 600 newsboys Of
the city. among whom his DEGREES are
law. He attends the Central High
school, where he is taking the college
preparatory course. He plans to en-