davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
AYHAWKER JOTS

IT'S the opinion of the Minneapolis
BETTER Way that the beauties of the
simple life are greater if one does not
have to live it.
By G. T. A, of the Minneapolis Bet
ter Way: An autoist knows why d
chicken crosses the road-it is IN oroer
TO find out what an auto feels like
Miss Verbal Skinner, who is nome
from Chicago for the summer with her
folks at Garden City, must be some
talker, If there is anything in name.
When a man is dining at home ana
asks his better half why she frleo the
ice cream, it is a sign, thinks the Ela-
watha News-Democrat, that he Is IN
bad humor.
It was once the little lad who had
the red-topped boots who was the
letin. but now it is the one who Is
fortunate enough to have baseball
suit and a bat and ball.
Related by the Atchison Globe: In
an Atchison home a colored girl, VINO
graduated from high school, is en-
ployed in the kitchen, and a colored
young man is employed as chauffeur
Not having had the advantage OF eau
cation the young man is receiving IN
structions on etiquette and such things
from the high school graduate After
Won have eaten a meal and enjoyed 1t,
compliment it, she said. Following
the next meal, which the young man
enjoyed very much, he pushed back and
said, Alice I have dine consumptu-
ously."
A young lad, relates the Humboldt
Union. lust returned from boarding
school, upon being asked by dad how
he stood in grammar at the end Of
the term, came back with something
like this: Say. dad, take it from me.
grammar was my long suit. On the
start off I was up against it hard
Couldn't get 1t through my noodle.
Fell down every time I went to class.
Finally says to myself, look here, old
kid, it's up to you. You've got to cut
out this funny business and take a
brace or you'll see your finish, the sur
est thing you know. Well I studied,
believe me- And say, when it came to
the final exams, did I lose out? Not
on your life. It was right there with
bells on There was certainly some
class to the way I answered those
quizzes. A cold mark of ninety-ffve
when 1t was all over. Not so worse.
Ell? Can you beat that? How did do
it. I don't know. You can search me.
But anyhow it's going some, eh, dad?
None of ems got anything on me when
it comes to grammar, that's a cinch.'
The old gent managed to gasp, Get
the hook
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
QUAKER MEDITATIoNs.

From the Philadelphia Record
Wisdom consists largely of knowing
when to quit.
At any rate Loves young dream never
dies of old age.
Some people are so full of fight that
even their own statements conflict.
It's rather homogeneous when a man Of
few words has a double chin
An egotist is a man who is SO wrapped
up in himself that he. pays no attention
to US.
Little boys soon get tired of their toys
and break them, but little girls wait un-
til they grow up.
Unfortunately 1t frequently happens
that the man who is fond of his home
never succeeds anywhere else.
Wigwag-"Do you believe all the angels
are wonen?" Miss Giddything-''Certain-
~ not If they were it wouldn't be
heaven
Most of our disappointments are due to
our belief in that hoary old fallacy about
a bad beginning making good ending.
Every rose has its thorn quoted the
Wise Guy. Yes, usually taking the form
of a bill from the florist" added thu
Simple Mug.
Blobbs-"Is it possible to come all tae
way through from California without
CLEANSER" slobbs-'Well. you probably
won't have any after the Pullman porter
gets through with YOU"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
SAYS UNCLE CAV

Don't take your own opinion toe
seriously. 1t is well enough to pre-
sent an uncompromising and an I'M
changing front to opposition; but
when you make up your mind upon
a matter, it is best to stamp the re-
suit subject to revision without no.
tice." He who cannot change his
mind is victim of arrested evolution
and tomorrow will be in the way.
When your opinions and mine become
sacred, you and 1 are ready for the
boneyard. We have ceased to live.
Life is change, and mental progress
IS a process ofqclimbing out of the
errors of yesterday.
"A good many eof US are still living
IN the stone age, intellectually. We
nave never attained complete man
hood because Immediately upon dis
covering that we had opinions, we
nave fallen down and worshiped our
own wisdom. We have defied any
one TO profane our idols and have con-
tinued to vegetate in the bIissful belief
that we know all there is to know.
some OF us are wont to eXclaim that
We have minds of our own and do not
propose to change them.
If We had been taught in the be-
ginning that the earth is flat and the
moon made of green cheese, we would
still be possessed of a desire to offer
up those who differ with us as burnt
sacrifices upon the affairs of our geo
graphical and astronomical voodoos
We cannot understand why our neigh
bors call us mossbacks and bigots. We
know what we know, and that is all
there is to know. Our opinions are
sacred and we dare the fools who are
always inconsistency changing their
minds to get us into that habit
A fig for yesterdays convictions!
They were the cocksure beliefs of
children lost in the dark. This is an
other day, and we've grown over
night. Do you plead the dignity of
fixed opinion? 1t is enough for us
to say 1--WE believed it when we af-
firmed it; we have learned and chang
ed our minds"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
GLOBE SIGHTS
BY THE ATCHISOE GLOBE.

Going to sleep is the best kind of good
time to a tired man.
Favors are like fleas when 1t comes to
getting out of your reach.
Our notion of the extremely polite ma n
is the one who is as much so to his Wits
as any other woman.
Annual hint: No baby likes to be hug
ged and slobbered on during the bonny
days of July and August.
Anothe unfortunate coinc1dent is that
there are so many good detectives in the
story books, and SO few on the outside.
If you have something near average
luck you can look around and see un-
fortunates who make your sad lot look
like a joy forever.
When a man is sick. he wants to get
well worse than anything else in the
world, yet people are pretty shiftless
about safeguarding health.
Being somewhat inclined to an educa-
tional qualification for voters Link Pres
ton is willing to grant equal suffrage to
only such women as can bake a good
batch of bread.
81 haven't learned much, but acquiring
the knowledge that headache is too high
a price to pay for the good time which
precedes it, has helped some. RUFF
HoSkinS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
EVENING CHIT
By RUTH CAMERON.

The nice dressmaker lady, who IL
usually a most cheerful person. arrived
at our house yesterday looking de-
cidedly disturbed.
What makes me look so blue?" in
answer to my query. ''Oh, nothing
postman gave me this letter on my way
down here"
And the dressmaker lady drew a lit
tie square envelope from her handbag;
pulled out a dainty correspondence
card, and read:
my Dear Miss l.:
ct am so sorry to tell you that 1 am
taking a most unexpected trip with my
husband and so cannot have you this
week, as we planned. Will you let me
know if you can let me have those
three days some time next month?
Trusting that you and your mother
are we'll and this will not Inconvenience
you too greatly, am,
Very truly yours
$780,.
Those three days, Miss Cameron, are
tomorrow, the next day and the day
after. 1t is too late, of course, for me
to go anywhere else and that means a
dead loss of nine dollars.
ct wouldn't mind so much If I had
crly myself to support, but you know L
have mother to look after, and If I
work every day in the week that's only
much when you consider dull seasons
and sickness to be saved up for"
The woman who wrote that letter, as
happened to know, is a very well-uo-
do woman. One would hardly expect
her to give up the trip with her hus-
band because the dressmaker was en-
gagged, but surely she might have paid
at least part of the amount she must
have known the dressmaker would lose
why don't you insist that she pay
you some of that money!" I asked.
"Oh, if 1 did I'd lose her custom, and
I can't afford to do that. She often
takes twelve or fifteen days a year."
answered the dressmaker. mo, L can't
do anything. I have to reckon just So
much loss that way every year"
I suppose that woman would be most
"dishonorable."
And yet, think she comes pretty
close to being that.
And not only she but all the women
who carelessly cancel engagements of
this sort at the eleventh hour.
Our shampoo lady says she is actual
ly considering giving up her telephone
just to ward off the people who casual
ly call up a day or few hours before
their appointment and say: "Tney are
Sc sorry, but"
OF course, there are times when ii Is
impossible to meet such engagements.
but if one had to pay when one failed
to keep them I fancy such impossibili-
ties would be very much rarer.
You would be Mortified at the thought
OF stealing seventyfive cents from your
shampooist, or two or three dollars
from your dressmaker, wouldn't you?
And yet when you cancel an engage
ment in this way, what else are you
doing?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
HUAOR OF THE DRY

Larry-I like Prof. Whatshisname in
shakespeare. He brings things home to
you that you never saw before. Harry
Huh! I've got a laundryman as good as
that.-Jack O. Lantern.
rs your son any help to you in your
busfness?' ''Helpi I should say sol
When returned from a trip west last
week he had prepared everything for
bankruptcy, and we were $4,000 to the
Mrs. Newed-Have you any nice sIumps
this morning? Butcher-Slumps? What
are they? Mrs Newed-Indeed, don't
know; but my husband is always talking
about slump in the market, so L Thought
I'd try one.-Good Living.
What Makes the Valet.-"It's so ridicul-
GUS said Cholly Saphead, ito say that
clothes don't make the man" .'Indeed?''
replied Miss Pepprey. "Yaas. You see, IL
a fellow like me didn't have such lots of
clothes he wouldn't need a man.,s--Cath-
Ole Standard and Times.
Evening Things Up.-''What did Mrs.
kloseman give you for cutting her
grass?" asked Tommy's mother. Moth
In" replied Tommy. why, she prom
ised you 10 cents. didn't she?'' Eyes. but
used her sickle to do 1t with and she
Catholic Standard and Times.
Unduly OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES has thus
uplift business done for you?" Il dunno,
yet, replied Farmer Corntossel. Some
times think maybe I'm gettin' lifted up
jest enough to make the bump seem
harder when It comes.'-Fizz.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.1

No woman is as truthful as her mirror
If a man is easily bought the buyer is
apt to be sold
Many an earthly angel has a homely
face to thank for 1t.
Dull hearing and a bad memory are
good affections at times.
Time is frequently money lost unless
you take advantage of it.
We all like our friends to be perfectly
frank-about other people.
It's often waste of time to tell man
anything for his own good.
What girl likes in a big strong man
is the way she can't make him behave.
It's all right to bury your past, but
some one is sure to come along and dig Il
up again.
Two classes of people worry about
money-those who have too little and
those who have too much.
A satisfactory wife tells her husband
that she could not possibly have married
better than she did.
A woman is apt to believe everything
her husband tells her, till she has been
married at least two weeks
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
KANSAS cOMAENT
THE PURPOSE OF rHE CANAL.

congress has been considering re-
| Gently the advisabiIity of placing a toll
charge on the Panama canal. Various
interests have appeared before the
senting argument pro and con on the
proposition. The canal belongs to
Uncle Sam. and If ne sees fit to place a
toll on foreign vessels that wish to use
the canal, it. would seem to be his bust
ness. 1t would mean a source of rev
enue, and would bring back into the
pubic treasury much of the money
spent in the construction of the 'sbi1
oltch. Railroads have advocated a toll
charge for American vessels. on the
Srounos tnat 1t would balance competi-
ton IN croSs-continent traffic But when
the matter of charging only railroad
owned boats a toll, it was a different
story, and the railroads set up a big
Hne or defense against any such dis
summation. As a matter of fact. how
elimination. As a matter Of fact how-
proposition is in reality the least. The
United states needs that canal in its
business as a means of mobilizinR
the fleet of warships. From the date
When the oregon made her record trip
around the Horn, work on the canal has
been pushed with all speed. The com.
p4et1on and fertilization of the canal
means that this country will not he nrt
ID the necessity of maintaining two
compete and fully equipped fleets one
IN eltner ocean. 1t will mean the saw
ing or millions of dollars in naval
equipment. 1t will put a stop -omewhat
10 the expensive program which has
nltherto been deemed necessary I'm the
way OF congressional appropriation for
pattleShips. Thus 1t would ne sae, a..
while there will be a crest saving TO
the merchant marine-to the shipping
interests of the United States. the great
advantage of the canal will be to the
Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

Idaho Bill. long-haired manager OF
q wlld west show, has a $40,0O0-sized
VAC OF kale to disprove the theory
tnat all the lollops who fall for the
wild west stuff live in the east. Idaho
Bin mas been operating in Texas, Okla
homa and Kansas.
When I see that expression week
end in the society column" says
1tondo Murphy, ST am reminded of the
zop whose best girl invited him to
4 come late Saturday night and stay all
Dwight Harris, who has purchased
me RossvllIe Reporter, says he will
make noble effort to take the Re
porter out of the cub" class.
Some promoter, who evidently be-
leVes that cheese may be improved by
aElaIganation. is going to get Morris
and Flynn together.
The chances that his colyum will
be DANCED short today, are better than
usual. An old side-kick whom we
haven't seen for thirteen years. has
just teIephoned from the U. P. depot,
SO the remaining paragraphs of this
series Will be written in the time it
taxes one of Hon. Patton's justly cele-
brated hurdle-jumpers to make the
run from North Topeka After that
there viii be nothing doing in the
paragraph line for several moments.
II Jack Johnsing fails to get another
scrap before his coin runs out, he
might try the chautauqua circuit That
Is the favorite falI-back of busted poll
tlclans, and ought to prove just as
lucrative to faded scrappers.
The chances are good that the Iowa
judge who fined himself for speeding
RENTED the fine, but that the repor-
ter who sent out the story didn't wait
Tor him to spoil the story.
Some self possession is natural, and
some of 1t is a pose. but neither brand
lasts long while a terrier pup is chew
ing your favorite leg.
As we understand it, Stubs sent the
man to. the pen for life because he
used sheet of governors office sta
tionery for other than political pur-
poses.
The Lorimer case has been a long
one, and has occupied a lot of news
paper space, but about all we gather
from 1T is that they might as we'll set
an alarm clock to make bread rise as
to ask him to get out without being
thrown out.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
JOURNAL ENTRIES

More people are more tiresome than
tireless.
Too much of the politeness is back
ed by Interior motives.
X \
What has become of the old-fash-
toned amateur autoist who wore cog
gIes?
In buying a lawnmower, the wise
man gets one light enough for his
wife to handle.
d y
Summer boarders in the rural dis
tricts generally have a difficult time
in amusing themselves.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

winter as it did last winter. Looping
off ten per cent of practically nothing
reduces 1t to a minus quantity. This
is all the hint that Topekans should
need to take such steps as are neces-
sary to combat with the cold weather
which viii be here before long.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

OneOof Boston's vigorous maidens has
left for Europe to swim the English
channel or die in the attempt But
what's the use of swimming the Eng
lish channel when there are many pas
senger boats making the trip at a
fare that is most reasonable?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

With a steam-roller in its possession
and IN good working order, and a. band
of lusty-lunged insurgents in its midst
the Prohibition party seems to have
finally got out of the doldrums, where
1t has been slumbering peacefully for
soTna wears
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscs gHscrH of the state journal
sway from home during the summer
may have the paper mailed regularly
each day 10 any address 1T the rate OF
ten cents a week or thirty cents
month (by Nau only. Address
changed as often as desired. While
out OF town the State Journal VIII be
10 you ike a daily letter nom home.
Advance payment is requested on
Rheee short time subscriptions, to save
Bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

No wonder the railroads like to To-
cate their shops and division points in
towns where prohibition prevails. AID
Intoxicated engineer was responsible for
the recent wreck on the Lackawanna
railroad in which 40 passengers were
ar4lIad
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

It's a lucky thing for the patients
that they have to take, instead of pro-
nouncing, a new cure for rheumatism
which is being introduced under the
name of sodium Observation-Disclosures
onannidomethanssulp
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

E. T. Fairchild, state superintendent
of public instruction, has brought more
distinction to Kansas by winning the
presidency Of the National Education
association. This is also a high per-
sonal tribute to Mr.. Fairchild, of which
he is deserving. -
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
DAFFYDHS
By. q. NOALL

If E. H. Sothern owes any money
how much does Julia Marlowe?
(You can't prove anything by me.)
If all the walters were to leave a
hotel would the broomstick?
(Hurry UP With that toothbrush!D
If the world is mother earth who is
pop corn?
lJohn. feedzthe kittyip
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

From the big wheat centers in Kan
sas the cry is low going up for even more
hands to help harvest the golden grain.
And this, mind you. is the wheat crop
that was touted a few months ago to
he an utter failure.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

Kansas hunters paid over $40, 900
last year for licenses alone. They prob
ably expended i've or six times that
sum for ammunition and guns. And the
aggregate value Of the game that fell
before their cunning was In no way
commensurate with their expense. But
think of the fun they had, or thought
they had, which amounts to the same
thing
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

Some of the blanket primary bal
lots that will be used in Kansas this
summer are eight feet long. Here's a
chance for a bright legislator to work
for a law which will provide that the
blanket ballots for the primaries con-
form to the provisions of the Kansas
nine-foot bed sheet law.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
GIVE THEM A BOOST.

Kansas has more than sixty women
lawyers, more than a hundred Of
Whom are making good at work for
merry supposed to be 'men's iobs''-
yet they have no say about making
laws under which they work and nav
taxes Can you conceive of a more
polls next fall and vote to give them
the right to vote ?-Gridley Light.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
[From the Now York Press1

[From the New York Press.J
High-priced experience doesn't wear any
better than the cheap kind.
What makes girl so smart about man.
aging men is they think they're the ones.
A man who's candidate for some Office
can be nice even to his poor relations.
The reason a woman can describe a
figure as so natural is it isn't some other
woman's.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
sWan-song.

According to the returns of the as
SCISSORS, the average value of Shawnee
county land is SAT an acre. However
there is mighty little of it for sale at
that figure
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

It is reported that the walters and
the hotel keepers in New York have
come together. Yet people will still
persist in going to New York.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

Cities and farms the country over
are now sweltering in heat. But no at
tention is paid to it on the farms where
many acres are planted to corn.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

One can't help wondering why the
Canadian vote against reciprocity
wasn't larger. Canada's lobster output
last year was $4,000, 600.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

TURF about - fair play So no criti-
cism is pertinent because the wife OF
a Binghamton, n. Y, man has been
sent to Jail for beating him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

Poor old Juarez! The remaining
hordes of the Mexican revolutionists
have located there again. And they're
q hungry lot.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

According to the officials of the gas
company, it will only be able to sup
ply about 80 per cent as much gas dur
ing the cold weather of the coming
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12

Only President Madero's resignation
will bring an end to the Mexican revo-
luton. says General Orozco. And the
indications are that this is Mr.. Orozco's
sWan-song.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1912-07-12
BY THE WAY
BIZ HARVEY PARsoNA

Idaho Bill. a long-haired manager of
wild west show, has a $40,0Oo-sized
Wad OF kale to disprove the theory
tnat all the lollops who fall for the
WIG west stuff live in the east. Idaho
Bin mas been operating in Texas, Okla
homa and Kansas.