The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1912-02-17
DEACON TOOGOOD


Deacon Toogood, pious man
Knowed i'm back in Michigan.
Deacon Toogood held his pew
Frum 1850 to '92-
/ knowed the deacon so well, We see,
I'm goin' to write his history.
Deacon's religion wuz, preach an pray,
Go to church NV a Sabbath day,
Draw down yer face bout twice ez long,
An break out bold in. an old psalm song
Deacon hisself could sing by note
But jus the same 1t wuz rote, rote, rote.
JUS like machines that hum an buzz
That's the way the deacon wuE.
Deacon Toogood could make a prayer
'Twould make John Bunyan stop an stare;
An deacon could also call the Powers
An preach like sixty fer hours an hours;
Besides this. he wuz a moral man,
Deacon Toogood of Michigan.
He never was tempted a gal to kiss
Becuz no gal would a. stood fer this;
He married becuz he thought 'twould be
Cheaper N batchin' it, We see
Allus fggered how much 'twould pay;
Deacon done nothin' the other way.
A darned old miser he~wuz; SO there
AM tn undercurrent of all his prayer
WuZ, Lord, l believe-Lord, / profess
AM that's SUFFICIENT I ruther guess
The deacon was more for say than do
Most other deacons are that way too.
JUS like the bell on the Georgia farm
Twas set up there ez a fine alarm
An rung by night an rung by day
To frighten a thievin' fox away.
But the fox. by usin' his ears an eyes,
Thusly learned to philosophize:
Great big mouth; big long tongue;
HI of a noise an nothin' donel"
/ say the deacon, Il mean no harn),
Wuz JUS like the bell on that Georgia farm.
Well, Deacon Toogood up and died,
For deaths ez certain as time an tide,
An ez to evry soul it's given
AT least to anpear at tha uatas n, haaxyaa "
The deacon's spirit departed straight
An finally stopped at the pearly gate.
Then Peter come out an he SEE, SEE he,
WAL, deacon whut dye want o. me?'
The deacon tugged at the beard on his chin,
An sed, SEE he, II want to come in"
WAL" SEE Peter, femme say
Yell have to come in in the regular way
Err not at ALL Now sence yer birth
Whut have We done fer the folks on earth?'
The deacon looked troubled and filled with dread
Then started in fer to scratch his head;
"Twuz a way the deacon allus had
Ye see, his mem'ry wuz bad
An after a half an hour was spent,
SEE he, Il gave an orphant a cent"
An angel stood there with the record book
So Peter told him he'd better look.
yes" said the angel, by gosh, that's true!"
WAL" SEE Peter. "whut else dye do?"
Ag'in the deacon dug into his hair
Ye see he wuz sort o up in the air
An shifted round from foot to foot
An dug a hole in the pearl with his boot,
While Peter stood there stern an grim
A-lookin steadily at him,
"A thousand years is ez a day
In heaven, so I've hearn folks say,
An "A day ez a thousand years but spite
Nv the length NV time itwuz almos night
When deacon with a sudden glow
Scratched out his good deed No. 2;
He sed, SEE he. ct also gave
Two cents to a cripple"-Pete looked grave
Then sat down tired and troubled and vexed
An bowed his head for an hour, perplexed
Men SEE to the angel, "Whut shall we do?"
But the angel wuz mighty puzzled too.
SEE Peter, "F I've rightly understood
This deacon here has done some good
He might squeeze in on a real close pinch,
But he's no angel, that's cinch!"
So Peter and Gabriel both began *
To study some way fer to treat their man:
An after they'd puzzled their heads a while
The angel rfz with a happy smile
An slappin'5St. Peter on the knee,
by gosh, / think I've got It." SEE he.
st. Peter riz frum his gold backed chair
"Ye know" SEE the angel, we must be fair;
The deacon has done some good, that's true,
An so I'll tell we whit I'd do
I'd give the 3 cents back, and tell
Old Deacon Toogood to 60 to hi"
Floyd