The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1912-01-11
BY M. QUAD

became KNOWN TO bluWell Ludl lucA
relations were strained. Then one
morning Deacon Goodhue set out to
drive five hogs over to the weighing
scales. He had to pass the other
deacon's house, and as he came along
the gate was open. and all the hogs
made rush for it. He was trying to
drive them out of Deacon aardman's
yard when the latter came out and
said:
by gum. Deacon Goodhue, but this
is goin too fur-too fur! You opened
that gate and driv' your hogs in on
me a-purposer'
81 never did. and you know L
didn'tr retorted Deacon Goodhue as
he paused in his running.
Yes. you did,
mo, didntw
do you call me a liar?"
Eyes. If you call me one"
"Take it back or I'll mop the ground
with your
Come out here and I'll make you
see stars!'
Then and there the deacons clinched
and rolled on the ground together. and
they were choking each other and
breathing hard when Moses Schemer-
horn came along and separated them.
Deacon Hardman went straight to JUS
tice Somerfield and swore out war
rant for assault and battery.
Both men had their friends, and the
public was divided. The only person
who had witnessed the fracas was
Deacon Hardman's wife. but there
were other witnesses sworn.
Old Mrs. Taylor swore that she had
always suspected Deacon Goodhue to
be a man of violent temper and that
he only needed to be kicked to become
a murderer. Moses Hunt was mile
away that morning looking for his
COW. but he swore that Deacon Hard
man was the sort of man to lose his
temper and do awful things if he
found a strange hog roofing up his
hollyhOcks. Abner Crossman, who
had known both parties for thirteen
years, swore that he had known Dea
con Goodhue to fall off haystack,
get mired in a swamp and fight bum
blebees for half an hour without losing
the smile on his face, and he could
not believe that he had begun this
fuss. Opposed to him was Trueheart
Johnson, who said he had seen Deacon
Hardman kicked head over heels by a
COW. run over by a hog and knocked
down by a ram and that he preserved
a humble spirit throughout and even
asked the COW to forgive him if he
had hurt her feelings.
Mrs. Hardman's testimony was that
she was washing the dishes after
breakfast when she heard her husband
give grunt and rush from the house
She followed him to the door and
heard and saw all that subsequently
passed. though In such a nervous state
that she could not be sure of any
thing. She felt almost sure that
Deacon Goodhue said by gum" and
"devil'' and "old crank" but she
wouldn't be positive of it. She was
almost as sure that her husband
started to sing a hymn and made some
Scriptural quotation. but she might
have been mistaken. She was not sure
who grabbed the other first. but she
could swear on the living Bible that
they had trodden all the cucumbers
into the earth and broken down most
of her tiger lilies.
1t took two days to try the case, and
meanwhile all business was suspend
o6 irn hn
no jury. and when almost everybody
in town had sworn on one side or the
other Justice Somerfied put on his
most dignitied look and said:
This case seems to go back to the
hoe and to Deacon Goodhues garden.
Was there any need of the deacon
working in bis garden that day?
What had become Of his own hoe?
Was the borrowed hoe rusty in the
shank or was it not?
Then there were the hogs. Any
man who had ever set out to drive
one hog along the road. to say moth
ing about five. knew that the animal
wouldn't go straight for a rod at a
time. He wouldn't be a hog to pass
an open gate without making a rush
for the opening. AS to whether the
lie was actually given and who gave
1t first is matter of doubt The
same is true as to who grabbed first,
but there can be no possible doubt
that many cucumbers and tiger lilies
were destroyed and that Deacon Hard
man emerged from the conflict with
skinned nose. Taken full and by and
back and forth. it was about an even
thing. The costs will be divided be-
tween them. business resumed at 7
o'clock tomorrow morning. and If
either has any root beer In the cellar
ne will be expected to treat the other
and both make up and let hoes and
hogs go to grass forever more!"