davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-16
n HeAdEenfmes Of
AVERAGE JONES'
8kSS Gentleman Defective
yRI1|fkS5BySAhUlHOPk
IeII ME soBe5 ntRRIu COMPANY

Continued From Yesterday
Where was the explosion" de
manded the officer.
Explosion? l hear a noise IL
the larch house on the corner,
replied the musician duly.
The policeman grabbed his arm
l"Come along back. You fer
witness! Come on; you an yel
horn"
1T iss not a horn," explained
the German patiently, sit is a B
flat trombone"
Along with several million Other
readers, Average Jones followed
the Under bomb outrage
through the scandalized headlines
of the local press. The perpetra
tor, declared the excited journals
had been skilful. No clue wal
left. The explosion had taker
care of that. The police with The
characteristic stupidity of corps
of former truek-drlvers and bar
tenders, decorated with bras:
buttons and shields and without
qualification dubbed detectives J
vacillated from theory to theory
Their putty-and. pasleboard fan
tastes did not long survive the
Honorable William Linder's re
turn to consciousness and coher
ence. An inside job" they had
said. The door was locked ant
bolted, Mr.. Under declared, ant
there was no possible place fol
an intruder to conceal himself
.Clock-work, then.
How would any human being
guess what time to set it for" de
manded the politician in disgust
when l never know, myself
where I'm going to be at any
given hour of any given day."
"Then that Dutch horn-playel
threw the bomb" propounded the
head of the Detective Bureau
ponderously.
"Of course; tossed it right up
three stories, and kept playing
his Internal trombone with the
other hand all the time. YOU
ought to be carrying hod."
Nevertheless, the police hung
tenaciously to the theory that the
musician was involved, chiefly
because they had nothing else tC
hang to. The explosion had beer
very localized, the room not gen
orally wrecked; but the chail
which seemed to be the center OF
disturbance, and from which the
Honorable William Linder hat
just risen in time to save his life
was blown to pieces, and a por
ton of the floor beneath it was
much shattered. The force Of
the explosion had been from
above the floor downward; mo-
up through the flooring. AS tt
murderously inclined foes, Mr.
Linder disclaimed knowledge Of
any. The notion that the from
bonist had given signal he de
rided as an "Old Sleuth pipe
dream"
AS time went on and "clues'
came to nothing, the police hat
no greater concern than quietly
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-16
THIEVES WERE HUNGRY
(By United Press Leased Wire.

(By United Press Leased Wire. }
COPENHAGEN, Denmark, Mar
16.-As a result of an investiga-
tion of the conviction of the 600
inmates of the Danish penitenti-
airy convicted for stealing, Prison
Director Grunvig has made a re-
port in which he stated that 81
per cent, or almost two-thirds were
out of employment when they
committed the crime; of this
number 40 per cent were in actual
need at the time and suffering for
the necessities Of life; five per cent
were employed, but at wages that
still left them in want. Only 33
per cent were employed at living
wages. OF the needy unemployed
60 per cent were under the influ-
ence of liquor at the time they
stole.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-16

He's a Spokane man and can
didate for president of the Inter
national Typographical union in
opposition to President Lynch
The election will be held by ref
erendum in May.
Barker is the candidate OF
members who call themselves the
"Progressives" and who allege
that an inner circle or grand
lodge" has controlled the politics
of the union for many years. The
campaign is replete with charges
and counter-charges, investiga-
lions, etc.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-16
IRONDALE DESERTED
(By United Press Leased Wire.

(By United Press Leased Wire
SEATTLE, March 16.-Final
action on the bids submitted on
the property of the defunct West
ern Steel company organized by
James A. Moore at Irondale, the
Seattle pioneer-builder. will be
taken next Tuesday by John P. H.
Hoyt, referee in bankruptcy. The
bids were opened yesterday and
the Metropolitan Trust company
of New York, the chief creditor,
submitted the only bid for all of
the property, offering 100000.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-16
~"
Humphreys Seventy-Seven Breaks
up Colds and
q Fri .
DIR. Humphreys Famous Specific
for La Grippe, and the Pre-
Vention of Pneumonia.

"Seventy-seven" meets the ex-
igency of epidemic Grippe, with
all it's symptoms of Influenza,
Catarrh, Pains and Soreness in
the Head and Chest, Cough, Sore
Throat, General Prostitution and
Fever. Taken early it cuts 1t
short promptly. Taken during its
prevalence, it preoccupies the sys-
TEN and prevents its invasion;
taken while suffering from it, re-
lief is speedily realized.
For sale by all druggists, or
sent on receipt of price Csc.
Humphreys Homeo. Med. Co.,
cor. William and Ann sts., N. Y.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-16
ST. Notwithstanding da

ages for injury before she was
born Helen C. Bertram, three
months old, today is complainant
here in a suit against a street car
company. The childis right hand
has no fingers. tits mother was
frightened when a street car
struck wagon whose driver held
up his MANNED hand when the
crash came.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-16

Los ANGELES, Cal.-Gains-
borough's famous portrait of the
Duchess of Cumberland has been
purchased by Henry e. Hunting
ton. The purchase price is said
to have been about 100000.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1912-03-16

SAN FRANCISCO--MiIIionaire
r. w. Graham tried to get room
at the st. Francis. 1t was full
of Oregon first guests. So they
gave Graham cot in the Turkish
baths
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
ONE THING RIGIDLY BARRED
Seemingly Small Point That Threat.
ened to Disturb Etiquette Of
Royal Procession.

There is Just one thing the law.
abiding citizen may not do when
watching q royal procession in Lon
don. and my wife. through attempting
to do 1t, mighty soon found out what
It is" said the traveller. There was
q marrow-piercing wind to chill us
and icy slush lay thick on the pave
ments that day We stood to see the
king go by. After lettering around
for q few minutes in a vain endeavor
to keep her feet warm my wife folded
q newspaper and stood on that. The
policeman at her side looked on in
kindly dlsapproval.
Mustn't do that he said.
"Of course she asked, Why notf'
Looks bad said he. II you was
back In the crowd 1t wouldn't make sc
much difference, but right in the front
row it's against the rules to throw q
scrap Of paper on the ground
"My wife glanced at the long line Of
muddy shoes of all colors, sizes and
conditions, and wondered how one edge
of white paper could damage the dis
play, but the policeman's tone pre-
cluded argument, so she picked up the
paper"
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
Thinns Fish Can See.

1t is doubtful If fish can distinguish
forms outside the water, but they I'M
uuestionably can see moving objects
at considerable distance. Their in
stinct teaches them to fee from
strange moving things and from shad'
ows thrown on the water by persons
moving along the waterside or by
birds flying over. The proof that they
cannot see the outlines Of forms suf'
flciently well to distinguish between
animate and inanir ate objects, Is that
they will show no more fear Of an
angler standing perfectly still in the
water, than they will of tree or other
harmless object. That their sight is
keen in the water is evidenced by the
fact that game fishes. that prey on
their fellows, do much OF their feeding
at night. pursuing and capturing min
nows and other small fish in deep,
dark holes.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
PHILOSOPHlC

The early wo-rn catches The obituary
notice.
Even cold cash is apt to melt in this
kind Of weather.
All things come to those who walt,
especially celibacy.
A man never catches any fish with
the yarn he spins about them.
Many a man also repents at leisure
because he didn't marry In haste.
Some men never display any orig
lnality, even in making mistakes.
1t isn't bearing one another's bur
dens that makes us stoop-shouldered.
Every girl deludes herself with the
idea that she Is not like other girls,
A young girl regards love as the
most serious thing in the world-the
first time.
Even when he is in clover. the pes
simist always has a bunch that he Is
going to contract hay fever.
There's no use in going out for the
dust unles you have a certain amount
OF sand to begin with.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
KINDLY OLD BAvARlAN RULER
Ample Reasons Why Duke Max Was
Popular Within and Without
His Dominions.

Duke Max of Bavaria had no greater
delight than leaning over the counter
OF some small shopkeeper. talking gos-
sip or purchasing toys for his great
granddaughters In Austria. Innumer-
able stories are told illustrating his
character. r. III. Goldschmidt, q
wealthy banker Of Frankfort, was once
iourneying to Vienna. Opposite him
on the velvet cushion Of the first class
car sat an old gentleman. whose dress
and looks betrayed no uncommon
rank. Are you on pleasure trip?"
asked the bankers vis-a-vis. "Yes,"
answered the latter, 81 am going to
visit my daughter, who. thank God.
fortunately married the Banker VIE.
ner In Vienna" How strange" re-
piled his companion; "the incentive
to my trip is the same. l am going
to visit my daughter in Vienna. Thank
God; she, too. is rather fortunately
married to the emperor of Austria"
The dukes pocketbook was open
to all. Many a poor creature in that
Catholic city told off beads for good
Duke Max" and blessed his name
A disciple of old Baltazarina, whose
art had once charged the ballet low
ers OF music, having grown old in her
procession, was unable to get employ
ment. In despair she wrote to Duke
Max, giving an account of her situa
tion. His secretary handed him the
letter with the remark: "She deserves
nothing; she has lived a fast life.'
"Then." answered his hlghness. "sht
will miss her former splendor so much
the more" and, sitting down, he wrote
her a letter, enclosing money. ant
signed From an admirer OF your art.
The Argonaut.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
ExHIsITs For HOME MAKERS.


Chicago. ILL.,, Nov. l6.-Scientific
housekeeping as a solution of the high
'ost of living is to be the keynote of
he Home Makers National Exhibition
Ind Conference, which will open next
Monday in the First Regiment Armory
in this city and continue through the
week. Leading manufacturers of the
entire country will be represented at
the exhibition. while the programme
for the conference provides for daily
lectures by noted household econ
omists. The Chicago School of Do.
nestle Arts and Science and the lead.
ing women's clubs of the city have
co-operated in the arrangements.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
FELT BAD
ALL The TINE
SheIIhOrn Lady Suffered a Crea'
Deal, But Is All Right Now.

shellhorn, Alan letter from TINS
place, Mrs. Carrie May says; "A short
time ago, I commenced to have weak
SMELLS and headaches. felt bad al
The time, and soon grew 80 bad l
couldn't stay up. thought would de-
At last my husband got me bottle
of Cardui, and it helped me; 50 he got
some more. After l had taken the
second bottle, was entirely we'll
wish every lady, suffering from
womanly trouble, would try Cardui'
It is the best medicine know OF. IL
did me more good than anything ever
used"
Cardui is woman's tonic-s
strengthening medicine for women
made from ingredients that act spe
officially on the womanly organs anC
thus help to build up the womanly con
stitution to glowing good health.
As remedy for womans Ills 1t mai
a successful record Of over 80 years.
Your druggist sells it Please try II
B-Write TO: Ladies' Advisory Dept. Sns s!s
o1a Medicine Co., ChattanooRa. Lem. IT ops .ss.
T'stT,,ctiOns, and 64-page book. home
tor Women" sent in plain wTapDs'' on 'ssO~'
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
POINTED PARAGRAPHS

It's easy to believe as you hope.
One way to break a friendship is to
go broke yourself.
Truth is indeed mighty If It pre-
walls in horse trade.
The more good luck" signs q man
knows the less he amounts to.
Return love with interest--then
watch the other party lose interest.
One year after marriage q man can
seldom offer q satisfactory explana-
ton.
Stealing a kiss may be either petty
or grand larceny-it depends upon
the girl
Every mothers son Of Us would be
rich II our foresight was one-half as
good as our hindsight.
A small fortune is better than large
experience in the culinary department
II a girl has matrimonial aspirations.
People who express a willingness to
do anything in the world for you may
be the first to back away when you
ask small favor.
II a'man let's his beard grow people
say he Is too. stingy to patronize a
barber. and If he, shaves daily they
say it's because he is getting gray
4 Chicago News.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

causes a buszing noise in the ear.
loss of hearing. smell or taste. ire
quent desire to clear the throat caused
by the dripping of mucus matter
from the head, bad breath, sick stom-
ach. Why suffer when the Quaker
Herb Extract and oil OF Balm give
almost instant relief. Call at the
Owl Drug Store If you are suffering
with catarrh, liver. kidney. stomach
or blood troubles. II your children
are all delicate, have pallied lips, grit
their teeth at night, restless in their
sleep, picking of the nose, bad breath
coated tongue, those are symptoms
of worms. Quaker Herb Extract ex-
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
Made Up In Quantity.

An old colored woman. who had
grown gray and bent in the service
OF the family who had raised her from
childhood. was not gifted with an
overabundance Of gray matter. and
her mistakes and queer ideas fur
nished much amusement to those
about her.
One day a Yorkshire pudding that
she had made for dinner did not seem
quite as 1t should be, and the mis-
tress called Eunice and said: What
Is the matter with the pudding
Eunice; did you make 1t in the usual
way?"
"Yesm'm." said Eunice.
How many eggs did you put in
it?"
six"
"Six!" exclaimed the mistress;
"why. the recipe only calls for four!"
"Yesm'm, | know" said Eunice;
"but they weren't very good, so
put In more Of EN-"
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
The Owl Drug Store On Fire
With Enthusiasm Causek By The Marvellous Results That The Ruakr
Remedies Are Accomplishing.

Hundrers Of people are being bene-
fitted, relieved and cured where other
remedies have failed. Just think the
results the Quaker Remedies have pro-
duced cause crowds to collect at the
drug store to hear the many people
that call every day, and tell what good
Quaker Is doing for them. Some are
almost hopeless cripples and are suf-
fering untold agonies of pain and tor
lures, which is caused by rheumatism;
the pains vanish before Quaker like
the mist before the rising sun. Those
who have that dreaded catarrh which
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
A SOUR, Classy, :
UPSET STOMACH
"Pap's Diapepsln" REGULATE. Van.
"aeh And Ends indigestion
IN Five Minutes.

w, wonder what upset your stomach
'H portion Of the food did the dam.
Ase-do you? Well, don't bother 7,
.OUf stomach is in a revolt; IL sour,
saSSy and upset, and what YOU i,,at
n'e mas fermented into stubborn
Jumps; your head dizzy and aches.
0eicn gases and acids and eructate
unuigested food; breath foul. tongue
'0a'eo-lust take a little Diapepsin
4u III hVe minutes you truly will won.
uer what became of the indigestion
and distress.
Millions of men and women TODAY
AhoW that it is needless to have a bad
stomach. A little Diapepsin occasion
any Keeps this delicate organ regulat
Sd and they cat their favorite foods
without fear.
II your stomach doesn't take care Of
Yorr liberal limit without rebellion
" your food is a damage instead of 2
uelp' remember the quickest, surest
most harmless relief is Pape's Dia
pepsln, which costs only fifty cent.
lor large case at drug stores. It.,
truly wonderful-it digests food ant
sets things straight, so gently ant
easily that it is really astonishing
Please, for your sake, don't 20 on anC
on with a weak, dsordered stomach
US so unnecessary, advertisement.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

pels pain II you are In doubt cell &
the drug store and see what the Quak-
or Remedies are doing for your neigh
bors. It is no longer what win b.
done. but what Quaker is doing today.
Call at the Owl Drug Store and be
convinced. Quaker Herb Extract sells
$1.00 for one bottle. six bottles for
$500. which is considered a full treat
ment in chronic cases. Oil Of Balm
for rheumatism. pains, ear. head or
toothache, cramps. collie, dysentery.
running of Of the bowels, sells for rs
cents bottle. or five for $1.00, at the
Owl Drug Store. Front and Main
streets.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
Literary Tallors.

One does not look for literary men
among tailors, but none the less the
profession can claim some illustrious
names. John Stow. the antiquary and
author Of the Survey Of London" for
instance, began life at tailor. and an
other famous tailoring antiQuary was
John Speed, one Of our early map
makers and member Of the Society OF
Antiquaries.
And then there was Robert HILL
"the learned tailor" OF Birmingham
who contrived to teach himself Greek
and Hebrew and became famous as q
writer of theological treatises. And
George Meredith was born over ths
tailor's shop.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
WISDOM BY MARK TWAIN

To be good is to be noble; but to
show others how to be good is nobler
and no trouble.
One Of the most striking differences
between cat and lie Is that q
cat has only nine lives.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen
that has merely laid an egg cackies
as II she had laid an asteroid.
The autocrat OF Russia possesses
more power than any other man on
earth: but he cannot stop q sneeze.
Habit is habit. and not to be flung
cut Of the window By any man. but
coaxed downstairs q step At = time.
Training Is everything. The peach
was once a bitter almond; caulifiower
is nothing but cabbage with a col
lege education.
When reflect upon the number OF
disagreeable people who know have
gone to a better world. ! am moved
TO lead different life
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
BEAUTIFUL HAIR
TO SMALL COST
A Simple Remedy Beauties The
Hair, Cures pandruff, Stops
Falling Hair.

Wat a pity 1t is to see so many peo-
pie with thin, wispy hair, faded or
streaked with gray, and realize that
most of these people might have soft,
glossy, abundant hair of beautiful col
or and lustre if they would but use the
proper treatment. There is no neces-
sity for gray hair under sixty-five
years Of age, and there is no excuse
for anyone, young or old, having thin,
straggl ng hair, either full of dandrufl
or heavy and rank smelling with eN.
cessiye oil.
You can bring back the natural color
of your hair in a few days and forever
rid yourself of any dandruff and loose
hairs, and make your hair grow strong
and beautiful by using Wyeth's Sage
and Sulphur Hair Remedy. For gen
erations common garden Sage has
been used for restoring and preserving
the color of the hair; and Sulphur is
recognized by Scalp Special SITS as be-
ing excellent for treatment of hair and
scalp troubles.
If you are troubled with dandruii
or itching scalp, or if your hair is
losing its color or coming out, get a
fifty cent bottle of Wyeth's Sage and
Sulphur from your druggist, and no
tice the improvement in the appear
ance of your hair after few days
treatment Special agent, The ow
Drug Store.
ADVERTISEMENT
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
OPENING OF SHIP TRUST SUIT

Washington, ID. c., Nov l5.-The
taking of testimony begins today in
the suit brought by the Federal Gov
ornment against the Prince Line and
other steamship companies engaged
in the trade between the United States
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

and Brazil Particular interest at
taches to this case because it will be
the first trial under the Sherman anti
trust law based upon alleged deferred
rebates and freight agreements.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

head of the Walker Lumber Company.
England, Ark, committed suicide here
this morning by shooting himself One
cent only in money was found on his
body.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

Children suffering from summer
complaint are instantly relieved by a
dose of BRODIE'S CORDIAL. soc at
druggists. ADVERTISEMENT
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16
THoUGHTLETs
Queer that play isn't considered .
60 unless 1t stays.


Queer that play isn't considered .
60 unless 1t stays.
II man tells you you are one-sided.
tell him he's another.
A man Of many parts should b
pretty well put together.
Some people spend all their lives
lust wondering what will happen next.
Editors ana breach Of promise de-
PENDANTS generally pay on publication.
There is always room for even the
street cleaning department to mend
It's ways.
When bore calls on you while you
are out, 1t Is really quite thoughtful
Of him.
We always rejoice in the good for
tune Of our friends IL It doesn't exceed
our own.
Mary a fellow borrows trouble be-
cause it's about the only thing his
credit is good for.
There's almost as much difference
between tweedledum and tweedledee
as there is between a shop girl and
saleslady.
Don't Jump to the conclusion that q
man OF letters is literary man. He
may merely be the defendant in 9
breach Of promise suit.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

The Brooklyn Navy Yard is in wire
less communication with the Panama
Canal Station.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

A man Of many parts should b
pretty well put together.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

Or. ]. Marshall Phillips
OSTEOPETHiC PHYSICIAN
Both Teiepnones:
Office. SO9: Residence, 8l2.
5Ol-5O2 Carter Building
Hattiesburg. Miss.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

Some people spend all their lives
lust wondering what will happen next.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

Editors and breach Of promise de.
PENDANTS generally pay on publication.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

II a man tells you you are ons-sided
tell him he's another.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

There is always room for even the
street cleaning department to mend
It's ways.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

When bore calls on you while you
are out. 1t is really quite thoughtful
Of him.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

A small fortune is better than large
experience in the culinary department
II a girl has matrimonial aspirations.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

Every mothers son Of us would be
rich II our foresight was one-half az
good as our hindsight.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

People who express a willingness to
do anything in the world for you may
be the first to back away when you
ask q small favor.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1912-11-16

Don't Jump to the conclusion that a
man OF letters is literary man. He
may merely be the defendant in a
breach Of promise suit.