Arizona republican., 1912-06-02
Decline and
 Fall

| to him at all!
 Why, the ideal" exclaimed her granddaughter in surprise MT. Jar gers is one of the most popular men I know! He's asked everywhere and if he pays any attention to a girl ev- cry one takes her up. Of course he's older than just mere boy, but I'm sure he is we'll bred and entertaining and"
 He can be all that" interrupted her relative, and even then 1 sha'n't want to welcome him as a member of the family! It's because he reminds me so of Artemus Milkins-I guess you never heard of him. Artemus ! was one of the best-looking young ] men in two states and all the girls ] were crazy about him. They were al 1 ways getting into quarrels over Arte mus, and they watched one another as cats watch mice, waiting to see which | way they were going to jump, be- | l cause they were so afraid they'd get ] beaten out when it came to marrying | 1 him
 "Artemus must have had wonderful ! endurance and a constitutional disre- 1 gard for sleep, for otherwise he never could have stood up under all the din- l ners and dances and balls and other frivolities to which he was asked. 1 Once when he had the grip and stay ed away from a party it was just ruin ed, for the girls all went home early. l There wasn't a house in town where ] to sit up nights finishing her daugh ter's new frock if Artemus was going to take the girl anywhere. Naturally. after a few years the | first crowd of girls gave up and mar
 ried lesser lights, but there always
 was a new crop of girls for Artemus
 to be the idol of, and, I tell you, they
 burned incense!
 He kept getting handsomer, too
 After a girl has been out ten years
 she may be pretty and all that. but
 she hasn't the charm of youth that is
 so fetching With a man 1t is differ
 ent A man keeps right on being
 good-looking and popular and when
 they begin calling him one of the
 bachelors it really adds tone to him. Fancy it's adding tone to a girl when
 they begin referring to her as one
 of the older crowd,
 'Everybody wondered why Artemus
 didn't marry and settle down, but knew it was because he was having too good a time Whats the use of ty- ing yourself down to one slave when you can just as well have twenty or , more?
 Well. for years and years Artemus
 was our most popular bachelor, an in- . stitution. an aggravation, a sighed-for f prize. an ornament to our parties. His
 decline was very gradual and unno-
 ticeable. I don't think any of Us mo-
 ticed it for long time after Artemus l did. I presume when the tailor added
 five inches to the girth of his new : dress suit waistband it made Artemus . sit up at last and take notice and
 think
 When man thinks he grows senti-
 mental Artemus decided it was time l for him to get married. He must
 have enjoyed lining up the girls and
 selecting the favored one, because he
 picked out the youngest and prettiest
 of that years debutantes and very
 gently and kindly informed her that
 she could marry him. You see, we
 heard all about these things, because }, nobody felt it breach of confidence ]. to talk about Artemus' doings.
 "It must have been a shock to Arte-
 mus when Inez failed to burst into : tears of joy Inez blushed and stam- r mered and said No thank you in a
 scared way and then glided from him
 giggling That night she told Tom Flitt all about it as they sat in the
 hammock Tom said, Why, the old donkey.' and kissed her indignantly q "Artemus called next on Serena
 Phipps. Serena was 29 and popular
 but inclined to be highbrow. Arte-
 mus remembered how she had looked > at him when she was IS and he re ; fected that possibly his coldness had II driven her to economics and social re ! form When he proposed to Serena she regarded him as though he were N q bug. Then she told him frankly that she wouldn't marry him because E he wasn't her ideal of a man, and she was no more in love with him than II she was with the weeping willow tree N outside, and would he please shut the T gate when he went out, so that the Il dogs wouldn't trample the flower beds ! There were two after that, bott k older than Serena Artemus seemed ! to decide that years might bring more \ appreciation of life's blessings. Keith \ CT of ibe two seemed to yearn for ( \ blessing in the shape of Artemus \ One of them had eyes that almos E crossed, too. Her refusal must have ! chagrined him deeply.
 E He began to look haggard and ht ! rarely smiled The whole procession sI rushed by gayly without him, ano SE while he was in this Respondent frame sI of mind his landlady, who was 45 ant aI used bad grammar and had a son agec @t %, married him. I think it served @l him right. And somehow your MT #E larger reminds me terribly of tht #t Ar+ernIc kind and I don't Want-"