The Washington herald., 1912-05-01
STATESMEN, REAL AND NEAR.
By FRED C. KELLY.

Doc" Wiley, who until recently puri-
fed our food. and Prof. Willis L. Moore,
who arranges our weather. thereby fur
nishing more conversational food in the
long run than 7. Roosevelt. were invited
not long ago by a newspaper friend to
attend a theater party. They accepted
A man may frame up an excuse TO get
out OF a dipner party where speakers
are likely to talk long on timely texts
from Bartlett's familiar quotations. but
almost any one will go TO a theater
party.
Now, the friend who did the inviting
hadn't specified what theater, and thus
Il befeil that the audience in a popular
burlesque theater was startled to see the
weather chief and the famous pure
FODDER. each garnished with a silk hat.
enter a stage box.
The host had investigated the show
carefully, and II was a performance that
gave a more definite knowledge Of human
anatomy every minute than a layman
could have acquired by talking to the
janitor OF a medical college for a week.
The guests were game, and sat and
hlinked through It all.
When Il was over and Doc Wiley
and Willis Moore had each breathed
large sighs OF relief-for each had imag-
ine6 himself more in the spotlight than
the little girl who did the Egyptian dance
the weather forecaster said to the
host:
The next time you invite me to a the
ater party, I'll insist ON seeing a fore
cast showing Just what kind Of moral
atmosphere and temperature I'm being
drawn into"
Yes" spoke up DOC" Wiley. Of pure
food renown, "and shall want to see
label setting forth the ingredients and
facsimile signatures OF Anthony Com
stock
One OF those unfortunate cases Of mis-,
taken identity between hats occurred a
few days ago in the House cloak room.
Billy Kent. the reform member from
California, who wears the orneriest look
ing hat in Washington, walked on with
dome-covering that belonged 70 Ira
CopIey, Of Illinois. While the Copley hat
was in Kent's possession an accident be-
fell IT. and Copley declared that he
wouldn't wear II to a masquerade. He
and Kent were classmates at. Yale, and
he felt free to tell him that he thought
he should be reimbursed for the ruined
hat. Kent and Copley each own several
dray loads OF money, but 1t was the prln-
ciple Of the thing.
''It isn't the first time that you have
rendered me more or less hatless," said
Copley. II remember one time some
years ago. that you threw a
SNOWFALL at me. when 1 was passing
along on the opposite side of the street,
attending strictly to my own affairs as
was my won't. And my brand new derby
hat looked like before-taking portrait
in a Peruna ad. Now, once again you
compel me to go to a hat store and
squander my savings. or else Join the
hatless brigade and be thought eccentric
or poetical.'
"Ah. yes" replied Kent. 'I too recall
that SNOWFALL incident. And that is why
l shall not pay so much as one cent
toward a new hat for you. Not one cent
shall pay" And he snapped his fingers
defiantly. 'I knocked on your hat it's
true. whereupon bought you a new hat |
You meanwhile had bought one and
charged 1t to me. And furthermore. your |
hat wasn't ruined after all, as you had |
]: repaired and wore II long after newer |
styles labeled 'Nobby' were being ex-
hibited in the windows. 1 figure that !
have had a hat to my credit on your |
books for these many years, and I shall |
buy you no more hats, not even II you're |
obliged to go about the streets without |
50 much as a halo to protect you from |
Dur cratic climate"
When Representative Solomon F.
Prouty Of Iowa, was graduated from |
college back in 1ST7. he was the vsledic- |
torian Of his class, and everybody agreed |
hat he was q bright young man. Ret"
then editor Of the Des Moines /
Register, and more recently collector Of |
in New York. wrote an editorial |
about him in which he predicted that |
Prouty would some day be Governor Of
Iowa
A few days ago. cIarkson was visiting
n Washington. and as he sauntered |
through the Capitol bumped into Prouty. |
The first thing Clarkson thought Of was
lis editorial.
we'll says he, you've been a sore
rial to me all these years by not making
rood on my prediction, but now that
you're in Congress, I'm going to forgive
1ou."
Senator Chamberlain. OF Oregon, hasn't
had any fun for so long that he wouldn't
know how to act 1t Is said that he
has not taken q holiday in years and
years and years. When other people are
fretting themselves with railroad fold
ers. wondering where TO go for their
summer or winter vacation. Chamber
ain just keeps plugging away. He
never takes time to attend a ban game.
or even to put his lunch In a shoebox
Ind go fishing for an afternoon. A
friend once asked him what his idea was
n working at something all the time
Ind never pausing for any nun. He ex-
,lained II thusly:
Il haven't taken holiday for so long
that II / were to do 50 now, would
feel as II / were wasting my time, or
The nuhlfc'a time and 1 ywot,ld - mn -