davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11
Sto-y Of the Man Who Always Tried
to Be Funny, Especially Be-
fore Guests.

In a story by Mary Stewart Cut
ting In the Woman's Home Compan-
ion appears the following characteriz~
alton of man who made himself a
nuisance by always trying to be
funny:
Mr.. Brentwood was well born, well
educated and successful In affairs. He
had. in the eyes of his family, one
fault-he had a masculine sense Of
humor of homely, almost rural type,
at which his family WINGED uncon-
trollably. Mrs. Brentwood, even from
the earliest days of their marriage,
had been wont to implore her Theo-
dore when they were expecting COM
pany, not to be funny"
Certain jokes or mannerisms Of
his at the table were Of daily occur
renee. Hardly noticed any more when
they were alone, they sprang into
startling prominence when there were
guests he always said, People come
from miles around to hear US drink
souR.' He jovially inquired If he might
borrow the butter or If Ellen, the
waitress, could spare him another
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11
Danger in "shuttle KISSING. .

Shuttle kissing" as a vehicle for
the transmission of diseases from one
person to another employed in Eng
lish weaving sheds, is the subject of
recent report which has been issued
as parliamentary paper The kiss
ing" referred to takes place when the
operator puts the thread through an
eye in the shuttle. This is done by
placing the shuttle in the mouth and
sucking the thread through the little
opening. The report says that while
the investigation has shown the pres
ent method to be uncleanly land may
even be a possible means of spreading
Infection" the committee does not
think the time is yet ripe for insisting
either by act of parliament OF by reg
ulations on the abolition of the exist.
ing form OF shuttle.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

One of the rich men of the coun>
try, one of our foremost financiers,
who is now an octogenarian, was ask
ed how it came about that he carried
his 80 years as though they were but
half the number. Because" replied
the man of big business, Il never take
my business with me from my office.
VShen / was married, almost 60 years
ago, / made a boon companion Of my
wife, and when l returned daily from
the office she and | had great sport
in riding, driving and romping to-
gether; when the children came we
all romped and played together. /
tried to be as young as they were.
When / went on a vacation 1t was
such in fact, for set my house in or
der before departing and had no mes
sages, no wires, no word of any sort
to annoy or vex me. / forgot every
thing save the joy of living and max
ing my wife and little ones happy"
This man enjoys life. He lives a
sane and sensible life.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

It be a case CT false pretense II We
keep her p
Not by a joyful I'll send Mrs
Sraithkins the price of her advertise
ment IN an anonymous letter TO
have ard 10 hold is q good motto IN
case ike this"
That girl Rose. who stumbled into
the Sparks fat that moving day night,
was a dream. She cooked things TO
a turn: she was willing; she didn't
nave a cross word IN her vocabulary;
she didn't care to go to balls on Sat
urday night. and she was plump and
good-looking. The Sparks family life
was ideal.
One morning as Mr. Sparks was
leaving the building to go to the office
he met the janitor, who was coming
up from the basement leading a child
with each hand. Mr. Sparks had bare
" noticed the janitor before This
morning something in the mans bear
ing struck him and turning, he said:
William, you've been in the service.
Yes, sir" said William, Il put In
five years in the Fourth cavalry"
Il can tell regular the minute
clap eyes on him." said Mr.. Sparks.
I put in a good many years myself.
You have two fine children here. Will
lam
Yes" said William assentingly, and
then Mr.. Sparks said Goodbye"
That night when Mr.. Sparks reach
ed home his wife said: THE janitor
came up today and washed the win
dows. / didn't think it was a part or
his work, but he said it was all right
and insisted. He told me that he used
to be In the regular army and that he
knew you had been in the service,
too"
That's 1t, Eliza" said Henry, an
old soldier likes to do things fer an
other old soldier. He washed our win
doWs because we had both done hard
duty on the plains. He must be a
good, steady fellow, for he has wife
and two children. They have q fiat in
the basement"
Mr.. Sparks met William quite fire.
quently after this William always
saluted. If he happened to be stand
ing still as Mr.. Sparks passed he
would come to attention" clicking
his heels together the while aud salut-
ing like the old campaigner he was.
Almost every night when he reached
home Mrs. Sparks would tell Henry of
some new act of attention OF the part
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11
WOMEN AS NATURAL ENEW
Writer Advances Some Good e.,,,
Why This Unfortunate condltl,
Must s.xist.

THE average woman now bss
that study of society which will ma
ultimately with the mari age n
paign. She makes many disco,s
which she admits frankly to bar.
She comes to many conclusions d
Inez Haynes Gilmore in Harpers
Ear, which sink unnoticed into
subconscious mind. II marriage \
instance, is her natural career d
men are her natural prey.
But unfortunately there are pe
enough men il her world to 20 ru,
and OF those from whom she may h
to choose some are much more d.
able than others. Naturally she b
fers the desirable ones-i. e, \
'eligibles.' But-and here she ri
against her first obstacle-every \
er single woman in her circle
come to the same conclusion. In
the instant she realizes this
must declare war on every other me-
Der of her sex.
Men must often wonder at that
mute and merciless examination
which, on a first meeting eFs
woman submits every other vq
an. Men must often marvel at q
power of quick observation vNl
women always develop in these 4
cumstances. This Is only the sE
Interrogation with which a warn
surveys the arms of his oDpona
Women are forever discovering ID
and complex weapons in the posi-
zion of rivals. And, perhaps ].
most terrifying element in the aBH
ton is psychological-her sense
baf1ement, in that she cannot judge
women for men any more than b
can Judge of men for her. Every
er woman becomes her enemy.
succeed in her world she must pla
lone hand and a cut-throat game
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

Daniel Webster delivered speech
IN the United States senate which was
once celebrated and which is rot yet
forgotten, in which he described Eng
land as the country whose drum beat
never ceased and on whose territory
the sun never set, says the Manches-
ter Union. Those were strong fig
ures Of speech, used by way of illus
tration, but what would the 'godlike
Daniel say now, with wireless speech
around the world by the same nation
almost realized, and certain to be an
accomplished fact within year? 1t
is no dream Of Missionaries, either, but
an intensely practical affair. One of
the most important links in the great
wireless system which within year
is to bind together the greater part
of the British empire is to be high
power station at Pretoria, for which
the South African government has
Just promised to provide $500, 1000. This
station, by way Of Egypt to the north
and India to the east, will be In 81
multaneous communication with Eng
land and Australia, and will thus oc-
cupy a central place in the long chain
of communications which is to make
imperial defense independent Of ca
bles. What this means is not perhaps
fully understood as yet.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11
ATHLETES, OLD AND NEW.


The athlete who is gone is Ike the
song that was sung before the days OF
the phonographs-a memory only.
Records tell the height Of jump or
the time Of a hundred-yard dash; but
there is no way OF recording that
grimrner prowess Of the wrestling mat,
the football field, the prize ring. Even
records ara OF matter Of yesterday,
so TO speak, says the Chicago Journal.
Our ancestors Of few generations
back did not held stop watches, nor
carry around rulers and notebooks
So # comes, that there is no way OF
settling the ever-recurring question
OF the physical advance or deteriora-
ton Of the race. No way Of settling
it with gertrude But there IS some
facts which point probable verdict
At pageant some years ego in Eng
land, it was thought that the spirit
Of the middle ages would be better
reproduced If the knights wore real
armoT. Those picked to represent the
knights thereupon descended On the
museums where the old armor is pre-
served, and tried to work themselves
into these iron oyercoats." And with
hardly an exception it proved that the
armor worn by the doughty knights
of yore was too small to buckle on
the modest gentlemen of today.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

Of the janitor "He came up AID
went all over the plumbing today"
she said one night HE said he
wanted to make sure that there
wasn't any sewer gas in the place"
There, it is just as told you,
Eliza" said Mr.. Sparks; this 1anitor
doesn't want to see the family of an
old soldier suffer. I'll give him a box
Of cigars tonight. Eliza, this is the
finest kind of life. Never talk to me
again about taking suburban house
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11
IT'S THE FOOD.
The TrHe Way to Correct Nsn'
Troubles.

Nervous troubles are more ",
caused by improper food and lDa y
ton than most people imagine b
doctors sometimes overlook tn'' |
A man says:
''Unti1 two years ago Wam''
butter with meat and gravy WEI, p
main features of my breakfast -
dyspepsia came on and l founo ~
in a bad condition, worse in the u \
ing than any other time. Wouu 4
a full, sick feeling in my s'uD1
with pains in my heart, siOs'
head. "A
AT times / would have no apr1
for days, then / would feel rS's Il
never satisfied when / did eat :,
nervous I felt like shrieking
top of my voice. ] lost flesh pau
hardly knew which way to tur
one day / bought a box OF drSp N
food to see If / could eat that' N
it without telling the doctor, alu
it fine; made me feel as II nI.
thing to eat that was satisfyns
still / didn't have that heaVlns.
l had felt after eating any QUIZ. sse
st hadn't drank any eofee "A
e. colo kan+ nm with the %
Nuts and n a month and q ~ n4 81
gained Is pounds, could cav , \
anything wanted, didn't le. -
after eating and my nervouSntt =
all gone. It's a pleasure 70
again" - a
Name given by Postum W.
Creek, Mich. Read the DooA srss'
Road to MELVILLE" in pkgs'
q reason" "A
Ever read the above letter. e,,re.
Dne appears from time 70 Or az beI
are genuine. fFMe, and fuiA
Interest. ADV.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11
Marie Divided the Candy.

When the uncle Of couple
Brooklyn youngsters last called
the household whereof they forH
part he brought with him some plS
of candy, which were given 10
little girl to divide with her brol
Later the uncle summoned
child to the living room and asked
Marie, when you divided those
pieces of candy with your brothef'
you give him two and half piece
mo, sir" said Marie. i saw
weren't going to come out even,
ate one before l began to diFlas
Lippincott's Magazine.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

Rs. SPARKS sat in the
window of the little
fat, darning. Tommy
Sparks, aged four, had
been allowed to go
alone to play in the
great yard that lies
between the apart
ment building and the
swell private resi-
dence which faces the
drive. Mr.. Sparks was
at his Office, and all
+bo voung Sparkses,
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

A boy in Philadelphia found $3.50
and promptly restored 1t to its own.
er. who rewarded him with a dime.
Thus is the honesty Of which the
world is professedly in search re-
warded and encouraged when dis
covered.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

From Berlin 1t is reported that they
do not swat the flies there. There's
a reason. The authorities have so
effectually cleaned up the breeding
places for flies, tina. no flies are left
to swat. American cities might well
take notice, and attack the evil at its
source.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

We are surprised to hear of the con-
troversy over the status OF the old
maid. We were under the impression
that she had developed into bachel-
or girl.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

A genius in Pittsburg has invented
an anaesthetic bullet, but the ordinary,
every day bullet may generally be de-
pended upon to put a man to sleep.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

A Russian editor has been fined $3.50
for criticizing the government, but II
America were to adopt that policy, 1t
would kill the nations most popular
sport
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

Vacation and Christmas are power
full magnets to draw metal from IA
Tiers pockets.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

Those love truth best who % U
selves are true, and what tne'
to dream of, dare to do.-JameS
sell Lowell.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11

King Alfonso is said to be quarrel
ing with his mother-in-law, and this
despite his reputation for eccentricity.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11
The Sparks, Old Soldier JanItor.

Eliza" said Mr.. Sparks on the
night Of the day that they moved into
their new fat, this apartment life is
worse than one of Dante's circles. I'll
make just one more move before
die, and that will be into a house
in a suburb. Here we are just moved,
everything topsy-turvy and no girl. OF
course, the latest acquisition from the
employment bureau had to leave US
just ito throw all the burden of the
packing up and the unpackfng on us.
Then again the janitors Of all fats are
devils. I'll bet the one in this build
ing will prove to be worse than any
Of the others, and even a man accus-
toned TO using strong language can't
say anything stronger than that. Just
look at this muss, will you, and no
one to help US fix up"
Just then the front doorbell rang.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11
Complimentary.

Complimentary.
What would you call it in a.
to steal all my ideas"
Petty larceny"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1912-10-11
SPARKS FAMILY HAPPENINGS
THE KID EATS PAINTERS Pc,
BY EDWARD 3. CLARK
BY EDWARD 3. CLARK

Tommy, just out of a paroxysm.
turned his head and caught sight OF
the empty dinner pail Painters pies
good" he murmured.
Mrs. Sparks sank into c7air laugh
Ing and crying Historically A grin
appeared on Mr.. Sparks face. The
doctor and the druggist looked dis
gusted. Mr.. Sparks gave the painter
dollar. Go to restaurant and get
z square meal" he said.
Henry" said Mrs. Sparks, still in
a struggle between two emotions,
what shall we do with that boy? 2"
Well answered Henry as he sur
yeyed Tommy and his surroundings,
I think from the cleaning these two
professional gentlemen have just Civ
en- him, that if We could turn him in
side out he'd make good advertise
ment for some brand of soap"
Arizona republican., 1912-08-18
FRATERNAL BROTHERHOO

The special committee who was ap- pointed to attend Sister Rhinehart. who was stricken with paralysis two weeks ago, reports that she is slowly recovering The brotherhood has taken much pleasure in providing Sister Rhinehart with things to make her comfortable Her room has been made cool by an electric fan placed by the members at the time of her illness
 Brother Mognett, president of Tue son lodge afforded much pleasure by his visit with this lodge last Satur- day Brother Mognett is a very en- thusiastic lodge member and con stant worker which is proved by the fact that the Tucson lodge has taken in thirty new applications during the past two weeks. Phoenix lodge con graduates the members of Tucson lodge on their good work, and it 1s also their wish that they continue along their successful path. The members of Phoenix lodge feel that the success of other lodges is the best encouragement that they can receive so the news of the success of the Tucson lodge should create unbound enthusiasm and cause the awakening of a few who have permitted the warm evenings to frighten them away from the meetings.
 Three new applications were re- ceived and balloted upon favorably MT. Francis Lindstrom, Stover Isaac and Mrs. E. R. Hill were ini- tiated. The three new members re ceive a warm welcome.
Arizona republican., 1912-08-18
LOYAL ORDER OF MOOSE

A letter was read from Brother R. s. Surls stating that he is i'll at the McNulty ranch. A committee was appointed to care for him.
 Brother Hughes and Donovan who have been ill for some time are up again. Brother Donovan has gone to Prescott where he expects to remain until he is well again.
 Albert D. Leyhe left last Friday evening for his old home at Ian caster, Mo. He will also represent Phoenix lodge at the Moose conven- tion in Kansas City the latter part of this month.
 next Wednesday for Canada, where He will also visit some prominent Moose lodges enroute.
 w H. Lynch is reported to be ill at his room in the Wharton build ing Members will find him in room p.
 Brother Lee was kicked by a horse the fore part of the week and is con- fined to his bed from injuries re ceived
 Brother Bentley of Napa, Calf, lodge has received his benefits for thirteen weeks illness and will leave during the week for Los Angeles where he expects to remain until he is stronger
 Brother Linfelt of Panama. Central America lodge visited with the lodge and gave a rather interesting talk on the work being done in the Canal zone. He will probably locate here
 w w Lambert and J. D. Petter- son were elected to membership and will receive their initiation next Fri day evening.
Arizona republican., 1912-08-18
Local Lodge Lore
 By GEoRG ELIOT MILLER
ODD FELLOWS
By GEoRG ELIOT MILLER

Brother c. $. Bogart left last Fri day evening for a three weeks vaca- tion in the northern part of the state. He will visit the Grand Canyon, the Terrified Forest and the other attrac- tions of the pine forest. The good wishes of the lodge follow him.
 c. s. Hughes of Bisbee lodge No. 10, Bisbee, Ariz., visited with PhOe- nix lodge No. ?, last Tuesday even ing Brother Hughes is one of the oldest members in the Jurisdiction of Arizona.
 He was a charter member of Bis bee lodge.
 The lodge was also visited by Brother Clarence A. Bower of Shaw nee lodge No. 1, Topeka, Kan. Both brothers had some very good things to say about each of their lodges.
 Chas H. Papen is the latest made Odd Fellow of Phoenix lodge. He was initiated last Tuesday evening.
 Brother c. s. Furman, who has been seriously ill for the past three weeks is again well enough to attend to the duties of his law office.
Arizona republican., 1912-08-18
THE MILLENNIUM HOTEL.
The Kind pr. Crane Will Build When
 he Gets Enough Money.
By pr. Frank Crane.


 Some day when I get rich I am going to build real hotel.
 It will be better than any other ho- tel, because it will be designed by a hotel guest instead of a hotel keeper. Consequently it will have the things a traveller wants, and not be numbered up with things he does not want.
 There will be no Louis Quinze chairs, tables and looking glasses, nor other furniture crusted with scroo1 work, for the hotel will not be a microbe board ing house, but will be for human be- ings
 For the same reason all plush, vel vet, thick curtains and carpets will, for all of our inn, remain in the depart ment stores.
 It will be for people who are willing to pay for what they get, but not for what they do not get; for those who care neither for exclusiveness nor dis play, and can be quite comfortable even when all others about them are equally so.
 A MENU IN ENGLISH.
  two, in uniform, always on the lobby floor, whose sole business it will be to be civil, never get peeved and answer all questions that anybody asks them. A visitor who doesn't know things and has never been to the city before will not be treated as a criminal.
 All employees will be paid living wages, and to accept tip will mean instant discharge.
 There will be no rules about the place. except that all men will be ex- pected to conduct themselves as gen. tlemen, all women as ladies. Guests will not be treated as scholars in a boarding school nor as inmates in a county jail
 There will be plentiful variety of food eXcellently cooked. The bill of fare will state the price of each DOT ton and also tell of what each dish is composed There will be no entrecotes a la Baton Rouge nor pommes de terre Oberammergau. but the menu will con- fess that these articles are beefsteak fIoured and fried with milk gravy, and German fried potatoes.
Arizona republican., 1912-08-18
KNIGHTS OF PYTHIAS

Phoenix lodge No. Knights of Pythias, opened Friday night with the largest attendance of the summer. And rather than decreasing, the at tendance has been growing rapidly larger since the summer months be- gan.
 Brother Knight Barnett E. Marks was reported to be very ill at his home, and the visiting committee was directed and the other Knights were urged to call and see him.
 Grand Keeper of Records and Seal, John D. Loper, having recently re- turned from an eastern trip, and gave a very interesting report on cOndi- tiOns in the section of the country which he had visited Brother Loper also told the lodge of what he had heard regarding the movement to establish a Pythian Sanatorium in some part of the country. His ob- servations on that subject were very entertaining, and Brother LOper free ly predicted that, if present cOndi- tiOns remained unchanged during the ensuing biennial period with regard to the activities of the various Grand Lodges throughout the United States toward the establishment of this San atorium. Arizona and the Salt River Valley would be one of the very strongest competitors for the lOca- ton of this Sanatorium. It is to be hoped that all the lodges in this dO- main will be untiring in their efforts to secure this SanatOrium for Ari- zona.
 Pages Will R Anderson, Kurtz Ffckas, William G. Hyatt. Thomas Levy and w. D. O'Nein. were given the work in the rank of Esquire, and the work was beautifully exempH- fled Next Friday night, the 23rd, the rank of Knight will be conferred and all loyal Knights are urged to be present.
 After the closing of the session, the members repaired to the American Kitchen where light refreshments were served.
Arizona republican., 1912-08-18

This is broad claim to make, but the ScholI Foot -Eazer" eases feet, provides absolute means of foot com fort.
 When the arch of the foot is not properly supported-and the modern shoe does not give this required sup pOrt-the feet tire and ache and pain and become feverish and then there is a twitching and a seeming strain on the limbs, and frequently a feeling of fatigue over the whole body.
 The arch of the foot, where the body's weight is carried. needs a rest.
 THE SCHOLL "FOOT-EAZER" supports the arch or instep and takes away all muscular strain, equalizing the weight and bearing.
 Made of German Silver springs, leather covered. f-adjusting to any foot. Can be changed from one pair of shoes to another and can be worn with comfort by anyone.
 Women who do housework, or clerks in stores or offices, or anyone whose occupation requires them to do much standing or walking should buy a pair of Foot Eazers" today.
 You cannot have restfuI feet until you do wear them.
 All sizes, for men and women. Price S200 per pair.
 Endorsed by Physicians-by People who wear them. For sale by
 SHIRLEY 6 SHIRLEY.
 3o East Adams St.