The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1912-01-23

These are the melancholy days, the
saddest of the year,
When ev'ry Trust Is on the bust and
business quakes with fear"
Pessimism is in the air; melancholy
is all round us; the sheriff, the auci
tioneer, the undertaken and Uncle
Sam are the only people doing bus
iness-who are making merry and
making money, | run up against
men with long faces and short pur-
ses everywhere; ought to be down
cast, but Pm not; / ought to weep,
but won't; ny national oolors are
red. white and bite. and not black
and bite
i met peasimist the pther day
who was as fun Of woe as q boy ftfil
Of green apples and collie; he told me
these we're terrible times, days Of
terror and uncertainty, when a bank
account makes a man an object of
suspicion and an odor Of gasoline
makes him subject of investiga-
ton by the Interstate Commerce com
mission He said the Outlook was
gloomy; and judging by the last
number | guess 1t was | don't know
whether 1t was his liver, or his
plumber, his digestion, or his cred
1t that was troubling him. l gave
him my sympathy, but what he real
ly needed was a blue pill, little
humor, a change of diet and cheer
full associations; he was doleful
enough to make a plank in Demo
cratic platform. The best cure |
know for the blues is a touch of
rheumatism, a libel suit, or night
with the Irish players; any one of
these will so occupy mans mind
hat he won't have any time left for
bothering about the troubles and
terrors of the times.
The main thing Is to be cheerful
People say this is an age Of high pri-
oes and hysteria. meddlers and muck
rakers, political prophets and bust
ness losses, wind and words, fads and
| fancies, lungs and lunatics; but
| expect we will get over it after a
while, and smile.
The fact Is the country just now is
| like man who has been celebrating,
not wisely but too much; its hat does
not seem big enough; its imagination
is out of joint; its sense Of proper
| ton Is gone; 1t is seeing visions and
specters and has bad taste in It's
mouth. What it needs Is sal hepati'
ca and rest, freedom from newspaper
scareheads, and disturbers OF the
peace. We have got to do one OF
two things--lock up Kansas and
compel Canada to annex Wisconsin
or else deport our spouters and
statesmen to the Aleutian Islands
where the mud volcanoes are made
Last year when | had the honor OF
speaking to this association ] labor
ed under the delusion that | was ad
dressing a sane, reputable, and enter
prising body OF American manufac
turers. Since then have heard OF
schedule X" and while dom
know precisely what 1t Is. infer
from what | have heard from able
stump-speakers that II is mixuI
OF Sodom, Gomorroh and the Tel
Commandments with the "nots' re
moved Moreover free and fantas
|, tic press has advised me that this
association is as fine bunch OF NAL
efactors as the country contains al
wool and a yard wide AS news
paperman | suppose ought to accep
that kindly sympathetic characterize
ton of you as the gospel OF the high
er criticism; yet | hesitate because
II have learned by sad experience
that wood-pulp and wisdom. printers
ink and principle. type and truth
Mergenthaler and morality are sci
dom synonymous terms; and ! know
it is Just as honorable. II not al
easy to make cloth out of all wool al
II is TO make lies out Of whole cloth
am an odd mixture of sceptic anS
optimist and find that talk. threats
twaddle and tommyrot are the prin
cipal ingredients OF our reign OF ter
ror and a gag can cure these.
Personally, decline TO be impress
ed by the howl OF the humbug, dc
pressed by the roar OF the reformer
or suppressed by the yell OF the yaI
II may be as my doleful friend say
that we are governed nowadays b,
emotion and inspiration rather thai
by experience and common sense
that we get our principles from tn
| prairies, our ideals from Idaho, on
notions from Nebraska, and our auth
| critics from Arizona; thrift may b
| treason and commerce may be crime
but the seats OF wisdom are not al
yet In trans Mississippi foolish houi
es. and there are still a few san
people at large.
note, with pleasure, touched wit
: pathos, the profound affection whic
the Missionaries OF the Megapho
} profess for the Common People. an
by the Common People. is meant tn
people who have ears to tickle an
votes to give. The Progressive pre-
phets exhort us to trust the people
they demand that the people trus
the progressives: and by watchin
7 the papers earnestly We learn tina
!. the ideal Progressive is professo
and patriot who changes his politics
] principles and precepts as frequent
, ly and fippantly as a comic oper
star changes her hats and husbands
These are days to laugh, not time
to tremble. The main thing is I
sit tight, keep sober. keep an eye o
l the moving picture patriots, and r,
meber that big brain and a bi
mouth seldom sit under the sam
= hat You can tell the leaders b
!, their lungs. the patriots by thel
promises, the presidential POSSIBLE
ties by their pompadours; and an
man who has ever kept kennel wi
tell you that patience, accuracy an
D stout stick are the best antidote
6 for barking dogs.
The terrible times of our imagin'