Connecticut western news., 1912-08-01
A CorinthY MonoIogue.

(By Corinthy Cobb
 Howdy, Mir. Editer I'm on my way to the ten-cent store to buy some cut glass tumblers for my rozbury jam, an l tho't I'd be kind O neighborly an run in minnit and get the news right strait frum headquarters. It's too bad the wimmin can't vote, now thet you are aimin' to run for all them town offices. You'd get all our votes, sure thing; but with nuthin but our indirect inflooence to help ye l guess you'll slip up on git tin the hull bunch of offices to once. ferget all you sed you'd be willin' to run for. You'd make a good selectman, town clerk or tree warden-will that jam keep? yes sir; ain't goin' to be gone long enuff to let 1t spile. A wo- mans place is i'll the home. I'd like to get all the news could while I'm settin here restin'. Is it true Seneca Strong is engaged to be married to millyunair' S daughter in New York? Seneca might a had most ennybody when he was young, but guess now he's glad he's waited. I never did believe much in loves young dream, ennyhow. Loves last chance hits most folks harder than enny amount of young dreamin'.
 l wish you'd tell me if there is goIn' to be fifteen diVorces in this town this fall and has Mrs. - lost all her chickens with the pips? au' do tell mo if it's true they're goin' to build an asighlum here for folks afflicted with poke.in noses? l hain't seen no sech noses, hey you
 -Wa'll, supposin' you hain't got a lookin' glass, what's thet got to do bout it? my nose don't poke in, I'm happy to say.
 Laws how busy you seem to be; jot- tin down the news, s'pose? I s'pose it's a duty of editors to be close-mouthed but I'd be obliged to yeif you'd just drop me hint about that yarn heard the other day. I'm no peddler of news SC you needn't worry about it's leakin' out Is it true that some ladies have. got Bridge-feetp They do say a lot of em is Bridge-footed. I've heard of men with club feet an men with the pool table stare, an the saloon trot. and some men with the sand, burr-toe frum walk in too much in the sand---dear me how time does fly in an Editors office You've got to get your paper reddy fol next week? then I'll mog along; hope hain't hendered ye. Gould you tell me if Jay Underwood is goin' to give com in out party? are the wimmin goin' tC raid the meat markets an throw the high priced meat into the street? Shame on 'em that's no way to reduce the higl cost O Twin, l wish you'd just mention in next weeks paper, and copy it iu Uh' oity papers thet I'd called on ye. 1 don seem to get my name iu the papers e; often ez sum. Last week I fell over { hen coop on purpose. hopin' you'd men ton it in the news, an week before last I threw fit in @ neighbor's home, alsC purtended there wuz man, under th' bed, fell into & trance in the meetin house Sunday, an sang all one night about the whippoorwills, to create dis turbance so could be noticed in the pa per, and--Yes I'm goIn' you're thu impatientest editor I ever seen, and non, could be more impoliter. It's lucky wimmin dou't have no direct influence If had my say you won't ever get none O them town offices, direct or indirect I wuz goin' to send you a tumbler O. the rozbury jam, by the indirect methud a bekums a woman. I wuz goin' to shiI it to Sweden an hey it came down by the way of Canada back to the United States, and then to Canaan.
 Wa'al I'm goin' now, but that tum bler'n look like a steamer trunk for la bels when you git it.
 q swun, thet editor seems to hav' the fidgets evry time step in for min nit jest to pass the time O day and gi the news. Whats a newspaper offie' for. eny way, if 'tain't fer that? Tain every woman ez busy an hurried ez am. thet would take the pains to fetcl and carry the news ez l do. Thanl goodness I'm progr essive.)