Semi-weekly herald., 1912-07-08
Their Narrow
Escapes

"It was like this.' explained the man
after the others had told him that he
was looking pale 81 was to meet my
wife's cousin downtown to buy pres
ent for my wife, and, OF course, she
was late. l got tired standing In the
store entrance, where we were to find
each other, SO | started down the
street to meet her. In the crowd | saw
her coming and she was at her old
tricks-carrying her handbag tucked
carelessly under one arm, ready to
tumble out or be grabbed.
Keeping my eye on the bag, l re-
solved to give Emma the jolt Of her
life and scare her into fit of COM
mon sense. Just as | got in front of
her | reached out and took the hand
bag. Then looked at her triumphant
ly, condescendingly, accusingly. At
least, started out with the intention
of crushing her with that sort of
gaze, but never completed it, because
we'll, you see, it wasn't Emma
at was, however, a perfectly good
Imitation of her and she was both
scared to death, hopping mad and
ready for Mysteries. There was one
awful second when she opened her
lips to scream and at that instant the
crossing policeman looked ten feet
high to me and fierce in proportion
In the last panic of desperation l
grabbed her arm SO hard that it hurt
her SO she couldn't yell and pleaded
for my life. / gasped out that it was
a mistake and she Indignantly as
sured me it certainly was, the biggest
mistake of my life, but that that was
what they all said when they got
caught.
81 assured her that l thought she
was my Cousin Emma and she looked
at me scornfully She was beginning
to get back her breath and her cour-
age. She said no doubt Cousin Emma
was most estimable person, but she
didn't thank me for taking her for the
cousin of pickpocket and opened her
mouth again to scream. | think l
shook her then-at any rate, her
scream was lost. | never before talk
ed 30 fast in my life or so much. 1t
was like having three seconds before
the drop was sprung to say all
wanted to say. | told her all about my
great-grandfather who was in the Rev.
olutionary war and the new house
was building and how respectable the
club were to which l belonged and
how l had credit at all the stores.
Either l led her to think l was in
sane and dangerous or else my piteous
gaze reused spark of humanity in
her, because by the time the crowd
bad drawn the policeman to us she
quite snapped at him and told him
nothing was the trouble and to go
back to waving his hand at automo-
biles and let her manage her own af-
fairs. Anyhow, she let me stink
away without raising any row. I'm
still shaking!"
Il expect she didn't mind so much,
because she'd spent all her money for
Christmas, and there wasn't anything
in the pocket book" said one of the
less over your very narrow escape,
because l had one that was so
much worse short time ago. Say,
couldn't blind man with his head
in sack tell from one brief glance
at me that l am respectable, strait
laced family man? Could any one ever
mistake me for gay and roistering
blade, or does any one exist who would
dream of accusing me Of flirting?
well, the other night was tuKirg
my wife and Jones' wife downtown to
dinner Jones was to Join US at the
cafe. stopped to buy paper and the
women walked on ahead. 1t was ter
ribly crowded on the streets that time
of the evening, and my wife is SO used
to being looked after that | was
afraid she would walk under an auto
mobile or sit down and rest on the
car tracks or something, SO tore after
them. 1 caught up just as my wife
stepped of the sidewalk to the cross.
ing. Slipping my hand under her ell
bow, l leaned over close and said dis
tinctly-oh, most distinctly-'Be care
full. dearie, about crossing the
street,"
Wasn't It your wife?"
'Of course notl" shouted the mar
who was telling the story. IT'S never
your wife In situation like that!
Say. the things that woman said
to me then and there! The memory oi
them wakes me up In the night and
they make frescoes all over any wal
look at! What did I do? What car
a man do when a woman possessing
a fine and fluent command of English
and plenty of time starts in to relate
her opinion Of him to his face?
gasped like goldfish on land and
turned pea green and maybe / got
down on my knees to her and prayed
I'm not sure.
my wife and Mrs. Jones were 6
block ahead and / was glad they were
because my wife is-er-excitable.
didn't want to have to explain to her
too.
Nothing on this earth would have
saved me from being handed over t.
the policeman by that woman II 6
passing truck horse hadn't chewed hel
hat under the impression that the
green leaves on 1t were real. In tn,
excitement l took to my heelJ. I rar
As though l had robbed the bank ant
had hve minutes too few to catch tn,
train.