davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
OFFICIAL UNIFORM OF BEAUTY
.7otentate Of Microscopic South
American State Wished to Make
Impression on People.

For the seventeenth time In three
years the microscopic South Ameri-
can state had undergone a change OF
administration. and the new potentate,
President Casper the three hundred
and second, had summoned an artist
and was ordering new designs for all
the official uniforms.
Il want something striking he de-
d-"something snowy, even. MY
people are impressed by such things,
have here some sketches ! made my
self Look them over, and be guild
et by these ideas as far as possible
The artist examined them carefully
They were gorgeous affairs, Green
coats We'd with crimson vests in bril-
liancy, orange-colored trousers with
scarves of Cambridge blue. All the
colors of the rainbow were there.
All he said, turning the pages
This is evidently for the navy, this
for the army, this for the-this what
is this for, with the long plume on the
three-cornered hat, the bright yellow
dress, trimmed with purple. and
That" explained the president
bravely, lis for the secret police!'-
London Answers.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12

A New York farmer visited den
fist in one Of the upstate cities, to
be treated for an liberated tooth. The
dentist advised taking gas as it would
only make difference of SO cents and
spare much pain. at the same time
showing his machine and explaining
its workings-how he would fall
asleep for a minute or two and then
would awake with tooth and pain
gone. AT last the patient consented
and took out his wallet. Never
mind paying now" said the dentist
Il wasn't thinking of paying" respond
ed the patient, but thought ifal was
going to sleep I'd like to count my
money first"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
TEXT TAKEN Too LITERALLY
Little Julia Was Deeply Impressed by
Sunday School Lesson on Enter
tanning Angels.

BE not forgetful to entertain
strangers; for thereby some have en-
tertained angels unawares."
The foregoing quotation is from
chapter xiii, verse 2. Book of He
brews, and ii is introduced solely be-
cause it constitutes vital part of this
story. Julia is ten years old and she
goes to Sunday school 1t appears
that on recent occasion the Sunday
school teacher had considerable to
say about this matter of entertain
ing angels unawares." Anyway. 1t
made a deep impression with Julia.
A few days after the lesson Julia's
mother left her in charge of the house
for a few hours. When the mother
returned she went to a particular cup
in the cupboard to extract therefrom
one-half dollar. In this cup is kept
the family pin money, and Julia's
mother knew that she had put fifty
cents there before she had gone out
But the half dollar was gore. There
was an expression of anxiety on Ju
las face and mother scented mis-
chief.
Did you take that money!" asked
the mother, somewhat severely.
Julia broke into tears Il gave 1t te
man that came to the back door,
sobbed the little girl.
Gave 1t to a mani" exclaimed the
mother. What for?"
Il thought he might be God" tear
| fully replied Julia.-Kansas City Star
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
MuffIed Knocks,

"verena, bring Uncle Elijah another
napkin; he has tucked that one under
his chin"
Il was only joking when l said you
had been calling on the manicure, Mr..
Plimmins; | can see that you have
MT"
It's awfully good of you to stay SO
long this evening, Mr.. Spooner, suf
fering as you must be from those tight
shoes
How much trouble 1t is to look
after boys! don't wonder, Mrs
Chucksley. that you seldom have
time to wash Bobbys face"
Clarence, dear. are you starting 9
beard, or have you merely forgotten
to shaver"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
Waves No Object,

Cant you get any work. asked a
woman of the tramp who had applied
at the back door for food
Yes, ma'am." he retorted, Il was
offered a steady jub by the man who
lives down the road in that big white
house"
That's Mr.. Oatseed, What was the
work.
He wanted me to get up at four In
the morning, milk II cows, feed, wa
ter and rub down four horses, clean
the stables, and then chop wood until
1t was time to begin the days work,
What did he want to pay?"
Il dunno, ma'am, | didn't stop tc
Youths Companion.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
CONSTIPATION and Catarrh

For many years / have been wrest
ling with the problem Of furnishing
the public an internal catarrh remedy.
Peruna has been the remedy that
have devised and it has certainly re-
lieyed many thousand people, yes hun
dreds of thousands of people, of chron
ic catarrh.
Constipation was my chief difficulty
in treating these cases. l often felt
that it would be better If laxative
element were added to Peruna. l
feared to do so, however, firsk because
of the number of catarrhal patients
who needed no laxative, and second /
was afraid of making such a radical
change in a remedy that was already
doing SO well. Thus it was that con-
tinued to prescribe with the Peruna a
bottle of Manalin to those who needed
a laxative. At last, under circum-
stances explained in my booklet, was
constrained to add the laxative ele-
ment to Peruna. This constitutes what
Is now known as the revised Peruna.
Now those who take Peruna will,
first, find themselves promptly re-
fieved of their constipation. Second.
the catarrh will gradually disappear.
And once the catarrh is cured the con-
stipation leaves permanently. Then IL
you follow the advice given In my
book, you will never have to take pills
any more. Cathartics and laxatives
you can ignore. You will be perma-
nently relieved Of both your catarrh
and the constipation.
Pe-ru-na, Man-a-lin and La-cu-pia
manufactured by the Pe-ru-na Com
pany, Columbus, Ohio. Sold at all
| drug stores.
| SPECIAL NOTlCE:-Many persons inquire
| for The Old-time Peruna. They want the
| Peruna that their Fathers and Mothers used
| to take. The old Pernna Is now called Ka-
| tarno II your druggist dealer does not
| keep It for sale write the Katarno Company,
| Columbus, Ohio, and they will tell you all
about 1t.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
He Knew.

where there's will there's .
way" AYERS Taylor Holmes, appear
ing in The Million. THE way, how
ever, varies, as in the case of GER
tain pickpocket. who was convicted
and promptly fined,
1.-THE lawyer of the pickpocket tool
the fine imposed upon his client very
much to heart.
Twenty dollars!" he expostu.
lated Your honor, where is this poor,
unfortunate man to get $25?'
His honor did not know, or If he
did he refrained from saying SO, but
the prisoner was less discreet.
Just let me out of here for ten OF
fifteen minutes he said, and I'll
show you!' "-Young's Magazine.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
Inexperienced.

In boarding house for bachelors,
Amanda, typical Nanny" looked af-
ter the guests comfort in true south
ern style so well that one Of the nell
thought he would take her away with
him in the summer in the capacity OF
housekeeper Toward spring he way
laid her in the hall one day and said:
MANDY. do you like the country"
Mandy reckoned she did.
would you like to go away with
me this summer and keep house fol
mel"
Mandy was sure she would.
Suppose | get just bungalow. Dc
you think you could take care OF i
nicely by yourself?'
Mandy gasped and rolled her eyes
deed, no, massa! Reckon you al
better get somebody else; l don
know nothin' about taking care of an.
animals -Harper's Magazine.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12

You are constipated. You have TAX
en- laxatives a great many years. You
have tried to select diet that would
keep your bowels regular. In this you
have failed and were obliged to go
back to your laxatives again. This.
say, has been going on many years.
You also have slight catarrh in the
head and throat. You never imagined
that the catarrh had anything to do
with the constipation. Suppose were
to tell you that as long as you have
that catarrh you will never get better
of your constipation. Would you be-
lieve me? Well, whether you would
believe me or not it is the truth.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12

| cannot see the ACCESSIBILITY of tagging
man because he is bachelor. In the
first place, it is cruel, to say the least Just
because fellow has been so unfortunate as
to be left outside of matrimony's hospitable
gates there is no reason why we should
throw it up to him. There are very few
men who have not met at least one girl
whom they would like to marry, and that
they have failed to qualify up to the lady's
requirements is no sound reason for un-
seemly mirth and merriment from the
world at large.
Did you ever get turned down? Then
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
Corrected,

The friend took the visiting Boston
ian to the ball game The Bostonian
didn't care for the game, but the local
man had nothing else to show him.
There, see said the native; the
pitcher has just thrown curved ball.
Did You notice it?'
Il noticed it., replied the Bostonian.
But | wouldn't call 1t curved.
would call it sinusoidal"
Whereupon the native ceased to Of
fer further information and they left
the grounds at the end of the sixth
inning, the home team being hope
lessly in the minority .-Clevelane
| Plain Dealer.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
IT'S THE FOOD.
The True Way to Correct Nervous
Troubles.

Nervous troubles are more often
caused by improper food and indises-
ton than most people imagine. Even
doctors sometimes overlook this fact,
A man says:
Until two years ago waffies and
butter with meat and gravy were the
main features of my breakfast. Finally
dyspepsia came on and found myself
in bad condition worse In the morn
ing than any other time. | would have
full sick feeling in my stomach
with pains in my heart, sides and
head.
AT times l would have no appetite
for days, then would feel ravenous
never satisfied when ! did eat and SC
nervous l felt like shrieking at the
top Of my voice. lost flesh badly anG
hardly knew which way to turn unit
one day l bought box of Grapefruit:
j food to see If could eat that. l tried
It without telling the doctor, and liket
1t fine: made me feel as If had some
thing to eat that was satisfying ant
still I didn't have that heaviness tina
l had felt after eating any other food
Il hadn't drank any coffee then II
Eve weeks. kept On with the Grape
Nuts and in a month and half ha
gained Is pounds. could eat almos
anything wanted, didn't feel badl
after eating and my nervousness wa
all gone. IT'S = pleasure to be wei
again"
Name given by Postum Co.. Battl
Creek. Mich. Read the book, 9TH
Road to MELVILLE" In pkgs. There
. reason"
Ever reaA the shove letteet A Ne,
sae appeArS froA teae t. time. The
are 9enuRae. tTuss ana fan 81 A00a
interest. Adv.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
A Real Philanthropist.

A North side lumber dealer con-
tracted to supply lot of lumber to a
stranger. On looking 1t over he found
it full of knotholes and told his Gus
toner about it frankly,
You may not want this lumber,
he said
"Why not?''
Il want to be honest with you. It's
full of knotholes."
The stranger only laughed.
IN take it." he declared This
lumber is to go around some baseball
grounds. Knotholes won't hurt mat
ters any | was a kid myself once.
-Pittsburg Post.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
Problem
of the
City is
the
Greatest
BY James p. Burnett, Atlanta, Ga.

Men casting about for REFORM and they don't know where
gin, vast and so deep is the problem
Figures compiled each year that the population
greater other words the together
the quicker they die
In certain English city, prove that congeed dwelling
DEATH in the slums demolished modern
sanitary erected in their The death
thing like rs cent result And yet the hods of crowd
and conditions grow congeste
impetus and death increases a horrible
Understand me- do not that recruit the city
that that person evil and that direct
The point that wherever conditions
poverty regns figures have proved poverty
of prolific of crime
The problem of the city hydraheaded and ooogsts
beginning realize that while demands attention.
not know how to cope with it.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
Nautical Distinctions.

How do YOU tell the difference be-
tween yacht and sailboat?" said
the girl with the inquiring mind.
by lookin' into the pantry" replied
Capt. elect IF she carries plenty of
refreshments and seegars, she's a
yacht If It's mostly plain victuals
she's a sailboat."
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
Let ...
Bachelor
Forget His
Lonely
Misery
6y JANE ERICKSfN
Sacramento, Cal.

know How would like
that experience caused much inward anguish
say nothing humiliation bared abroad unsympahec public?
you like having button badge boldly dis
lapel gnfyng that belong to the
derng family Turned wouldn't set WE'LL would t
So declare Of courtesy, that it wouldn't
fair to tag the bachelor
Let him forget his lonely misery if he
Don't doom him troubles every time he puts
coat
and maybe day when nobods paying much
uon to him may manage through the big gates
- tell
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
Progress.

II see you devote q great deal Of
time explaining the exact operations
of free trade and protection"
eyes," replied Senator Sorghum: |
have explained It SO much that hon.
,t,v believe am beginning to under.
stand Il myself"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
Wrono Guess.

Nan-Fve seen your new young man,
and should call him a diamond in the
rough.
Fan-Well, he's susceptible of some
polish, I'll admit, but you haven't class
flied him correctly; he's Jasper.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
A Glorious Time.

How do you like your new job?"
Great! I'm working in an ANTIQUE
furniture factory"
What do you do?"
Just what I've wanted to do all my
life. l kick the new tables. put my
feet on them. spill hot coffee and burn
them with cigars and matches. put
each table through 100 ysars Of wear
IN eight hours."
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
A Definition.

Willie-Pa. Mr.. Jones and Mr.. Smith
and Mr. Robinson are always talking
about the H. p" of their autos. What
does that mean?
Pain Mr.. Jones case 1t means
high priced" in Mr.. Smiths hit PEG
ple," and in Mr. Robinson's, half paid
for."-Satire.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12

While we send our influence abroad
as much as possible, we should live
SO that we shall be benedictions to
those nearest us.-Rev ]. R. Miller.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
Put It on Her.

Gibbs-Oh, yes, Jones is an ass and
all that, but you'll never hear him
say mean thing about his wife"
Dibbs--I don't know! He says she
made him what he is.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
He Had an Explanation.

A committee had the state senator
on the carpet.
Didn't you premise if we elected
you to get our country good roads?"
why, certainly, gentlemen"
did you do it?"
mo. You see airships are getting
very common now, thought we'd bet.
ter wait a few years, Maybe we won't
need any roads at all then, Fine
weather for corn: isn't it,"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12
ALWAYS the WAY.

do you think a woman can keel
a secret?"
No; she always tries to syndicate
it."-Judge's Library.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12

Mrs Uptown-We're living in a
much better neighborhood now.
Mrs Downtown--So are we.
Mrs. Uptown-Have you moved.
too?
Mrs Downtown-No; we're still liv.
ing on the street you moved away
from.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12

The greatest problem which confronts
the economists and the social workers of
America today is the problem of the city.
Every year the population of the cities
is increasing and that of the counties
diminishing. Men are deserving the
country in droves to come into the city
They are leaving the green fields for the
dirty highways, the clear atmosphere for
the pollution of the city, and with every
new recruit the problem of handling
them and the vice which grows amone
them becomes more difficult and more in
tricate.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1912-10-12

What human nature wants is some
body to pay the freight
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1912-04-23

1t the hands Of his party. az Il a a.,
forth b. his manager. Senator Bank
head. faithfully embodies what M
know Of the candidate-it n eolidst,
and simplicity itself. We read In part
II wish the people Of the country
to know that We expect to 70 IN On
the strength Of our candidate. his
high character. his well tried lead.
ership. his perfect sanity and poise
and his fidelity both to HE friend.
ships and also to the great and
time honored principles Of the
Democratic party. II we are un.
able to win save through anonv.
nous and unsigned attacks on 9TH.
er candidates then we do NOT az.
pect or even care to win. Indeed
under such circumstances we would
not deserve to win. In all we do
1t will never he forgotten that there
Is certain comfy due between
candidates of the same party and
that after the nomination we must
be in position to fight a common
political enemy"
4 clean man on a manly platform.
.ruly.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1912-04-23
CANDIDACY Of HON. 0. ". UNDERWOOD
PROJECTED ON HIGH AND HONORABLE BASIS,
CLEAN MAN ON 4 MANLY PLATFORM
rFrom the Washington Post.l

The Underwood movement has re-
eeived such assurances Of support that
the distinguished southerner has yield
"a to the wishes Of his supporters for
Q definite announcement Of his candi-
dacy for the presidential nomination at
Baltimore. Mr.. Underwood. as is well
known, was for a long time averse to
he idea Of being taken up for discus
sion as a presidential possibility. and
even after his Endorsement by the Ala
hama Democracy he deprecated the ef-
forts Of his friends to give wider prom
inence to his eligibility. That he now
consents to stand for the honor I'm
plies that developments have dispelled
the doubts that first assailed him.
The call upon Mr.. Underwood issues
from influential quarters i'm all Sec
lions, a signal fact that permits it to
be recorded that for the first time in
fifty years the availability Of a south
ern man prompts M mental reserva-
ton on the score of section. His status
among the group of favorite sons Is as
assured as that of Champ Clark and
Woodrow Wilson. both southern born.
but no less esteemed for all hit.
Mr.. Cnderwood's claim Ia preference
Chicago eagle., 1912-09-21
10 THERE A MILK TRUST?

A thorough investigation as to
whether there Is, a milk trust operat.
ing in Chicago is demanded by the
people.
The government has decided to be.
gin an exhaustive inquiry into an al.
legged milk trust operating in and
around Chicago. The decision was
made. 1t is said, following q confer.
ence Of federal officials.
The investigation will be conducted
with the view to taking action under
the Sherman act II 1t is found that
there are violations Of that law a.
has been suggested. The inquiry was
inaugurated after much deliberation
on the part Of government heads and
after numerous complaints had been
made by milk producers and consum.
ers asking Uncle Sam to take o hand
In the milk controversy.
A milk association and q large com.
pany dealing in milk and It's products
will be especially under the scrutiny
Of government agents. The govern.
ment already Is said to have valuable
evidence in Its possession.
Government investigators have
learned also that many small dealers
in Chicago who have had eight to ten
milk can routes have been absorbed
by the larger companies.
This was done to stifle competition
so that when the big dealers were
ready to raise the price OF milk they
could do so, It Is alleged.
A subcommittee to take up the mill
investigation is composed Of Mis-.
Jane Adams, Miss Harriet Vittum
William Schroeder, Aid. f. F. Cutler
ton, DR.. T. ]. O'Malley, julius Rosen
wald. Oscar F. Mayer, Rev. A. Spet;
and Patrick F. Murray.
Chicago eagle., 1912-09-21
FOR A SUBWAY REFERENDUM.

A referendum on the proposed sub
way Is being urged by many West
Side business men and different or.
ganizations.
Northwest side aldermen have been
apprised by their constituents Of their
attitude and some Of them have come
out openly for submitting the plan
70 popular vote before anything
binding upon the city is done. Alder.
men from other parts of the city al.
so declare that the cost Of the sub.
way construction, the streets under
which the subway shall run and its
extent, as well as the method of f..
nancing 1t, should be submitted to
popular vote.
Aid. Lewis d. Sits, of the Seven
teenth ward, declared that a referen'
dun vote should be secured before
the city council is required TO vote
upon the question. "The rule has
been established that the street cal
ordinances, the bridge and street i'm
proyement questions and, in fact, al
important undertakings involving
ldIEc tAltIuINuIcH HiSl arc subiiit
ted 10 the vote OF the people" said
Aid. Sits. This rule in the case oi
the subway must be followed more
thoroughly. The people know what
they want and they should have Q
chance 10 vote upon the cost, the
plans and the method of payment fol
the subway"
"There is little division Of opinion
that a subway scheme which is tc
cost from sl3O00G,000 to 100000, ,00C
first should be submitted TO the votes
OF the people who directly or indi
rectly are expected to carry the loat
OF paying for 1t with their nickels,
said Aid. Jacob Hey OF the Twenty
third ward. THE organizations OF tax
payers which are beginning to sount
an alarm for a referendum upon thu
problem before the members OF thu
city council tie the city down to thu
project are absolutely correct and
believe will have the support OF
majority OF the council"
Chicago eagle., 1912-09-21
DON'T FORGET TO REGISTER.

There will be a general registration
this year and every citizen who
wishes to vote at the November elec.
tion must get his name on the lists.
There will be two registration days.
October and october Is.
This will be a general registration
and every citizen who wants to be re-.
corded as a voter must register.