Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-08-29
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A1F by Roy K. Moulton. @

1t. was running owe my bank &C.
count last night and it begins to look
IKE an unexpected event that forgot to
happen. We nave got to cut out a lot
OF monkey business. Their are your
bridge parties. f'rinstance.'
AN right" agreed Mrs. Hill I'll
cut them oat, absolutely. Anything
Yes, those little pink teas you give
every week or so set me back about SIS
a throw"
AN right: No more pink teas. Any
thing else"
Don't you suppose you can cut down
on your dressmaker's bills 2"
Yes. l will buy "a SIS hand-me-
down suit this spring and l won't have
a dress made all summer. Anything
else?"
Your hats-'
III make over my old ones for sum-
mer. Is that all?"
"All that / think of at present. I am
glad to See you are sensible about it,"
wen. then. of course you will cut
OUT those two-fOr-a-quarter cigars of
up"
Il really hadn't thought OF stopping
smoking"
We'll. 1 guess you'll have to. And
then those lola lunches that you buy
ooWn town every noon. OF course. YOU
VIII stop that n come home to lunch.
Wen have goldfish"
on. really. now you are a bit UNI
reasonable, my dear"
SOME NEEDED IMPROVEMENTS
a man down in Texas has invented
pajamas with a hip pocket. This will
soon be a very pleasant world If
some genius will get busy and supple
ment this great innovation by the
following inventions:
Cndershirt that will not roll up under
the arms.
COLA button tina will no roll Off
the. bureau.
Salad fork that will not leak and
muss up the necktie.
pen that will not get more
INK on the fingers than on the paper.
Wh!le vest that will not make a man
look like a bartender in disguise.
~Suspender button that will not come
OFF during Il waltz.
False teeth that will not stick i'm
mOlasses candy.
HIS ILLNESS.
II don't feel we'll his morning" said
Mr.. Back Bay, and 1 don't believe I
can eat any breakfast"
You don't look WE'LL" said Mrs. Back
Bay. but you We're all right yester-
day"
Yes, felt first rate yesterday, but
I'm all to the bad this morning"
Whats the matter??"
Il think l hav lumbago."
doesn't affect the appe-
lumbago in your life"
wei. l guess it isn't lumbago. I
guess 1T is pneumonia. Either that or
neuralgia
Neuralgia. fiddlesticks."
Wei. maybe it is appendicitis.
That's what 1t is. appendicitis. 1 ought
to have known it all along. It's some
thing terrible. l know that. Maybe
it's smallpox"
Don try to string me- snapped
Mrs. Back Bay. II know what YOU
q ave got and II you'd gone to bed at
= o'clock last night you wouldn't have
1t. I'll call at your office for YOU
az o this afternoon and bring you home.
A little Of the simple life for yours"
~
SOME NEEDED INVENTIONS.
Razors that cannot be used to sharp
en- l%eadpencils.
Nose glasses that will NOT fall on
into the soup.
Roast duck that will not slip off the
platter into the lap.
Garden seeds that will fulfill one
tenth OF the claims of the catalog.
Door key that will find the keyhole
on a dark night.
Brass collar buttons that will NOT dis.
color the neck.
timetable that a man with an ordin-
airy high school education can figure
out. go
IN THE FUTURE.
I'm going u this evening.
Reginald"
oh, is that so. m'dear? 1 guess I'll
go with you"
Not on our zinc etching. I'm 60
ing to meet an old college friend. You
stay at home with the kid. see?"
"Tain't fair. Maggie. to leave me
nome alone every night. Last time
you went out to meet a college
friend o didn't set in until 2 o'clock
and you lost $47. Mr.. Jones old me
there"
You men make me sick. YOU'RE
always hollering. All you have go to
do is to sit around and have a good
time al day and go to your clubs while
morning until night. Besides you have
no business with that Mr.. Jones. He's
a regular cat and he has spread gossip
around this neighborhood for years.
You stay at home now. like a good lit
tie man and maybe I'll buy YOU a new
hat
All right. Maggie. you can go out
this time. but the next time you leave
me at home alone until . o'clock in
n morning I'm going back to my
father. so there. A man is not a
slave. He wants to do something be-
sides take care of the children dav and