The Washington herald., 1912-01-21

I Breathe. I'd do It myself II could get
out OF here. He's making my life MI
cradle with his splashing and his wEms
and
The interviewer hurriedly apologized
and sneaked away, leaving the unhappy
bison still mumbling discontentedly to
himself
Next the ancient and snufiing Rex was
encountered. Rex's nose was running
badly and his eyes seemed watery. Occa-
| sionally he wiped his stunted probosia
with a furtive paw. but he didn't seem
to accomplish much And lest you
should not know it let IL be mentioned
| that a lion with a cold in his head Is
the only thing on earth more unpleas-
ant than Democratic Presidential can
didate on the day after election. Rex
was bitter.
Member of Hammer Club.
They tell me he's splashlng again.
he walled, as the reporter drifted Up.
"'who?" asked the interviewer
why that blamed polar bear. I don't
| believe he's got any nasal tracts or
larynx or assophagus- He gets his feet
wet" The aged lion SMILED patheti-
cally and rubbed his nose with a pen
sive paw.
Say, young man." he continued per-
suasively, you'll put me under evers
lasting obligations IL you'll go over and
claw the tar out Of that cusSed brute.
Take a bite out Of him, too, while you're
at II. I'd do it myself, only"
Again the interviewer sneaked away
before the argument was concluded.
Passing the cage OF a triple armored
RrmadiIlo the reporter noticed that the
little animal was weeping.
why do you cry?'' he asked.
II cry" replied the armadillo. DE
cause I'm not big enough TO lambast the
hide OF that loud-faced. blatant. obnox-
ious, &C. &C." and the sentence ended
with the words polar bear.
Thus it was that the interviewer came
to hasten to the side Of the polar bear.
He found the big, fattened. yellowish-
white fellow baslxing in pool of ice and
water. Occasionally he lifted langutd
paw and knocked four-foot icicle from
its place on the rim of his tub. AS he
spIashed he snorted like q porpoise.
DO you know" demanded the inter-
viewer abruptly. that you are about as
popular around this place as a pitcher OF
lemonade at a brewers picnic?'
The polar bear paused in his occupa-
tion of smashing icicles and turned his
face toward the reporter.
Polar Bears Defense.
This Is the time" he said with dig
nifty, when 1 am king This is the only
time of the year when come into my
own and have the right to make all the
noise / please. Those mollycoddle ami
mails from the equatorial zone were all
puffed up when Teddy r. shot few OF
their friends. Now its coming fairly de-
cent weather they complain that I'm up
pish. They've all developed colds, and
they're afraid Of getting a cold on the
chest. One OF the keepers told me yester-
day that Dunk, the elephant had offered
to be one OF five TO chloroform me until
after the cold snap"
He paused for breath and languidly
batted another icicle.
But" he concluded. Il can't see any
reason for all this row on their part.
I'm having a good time. Why should
they complain 2"
And the polar bear continued to knock
down icicles, unconscious OF the fact that
his defense furnished. the psychological
explanation Of the matter; and that he
had done as much to prove the Darwiniau
theory as old man Darwin himself.