davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

against the learned scientists who had
announced any such apochryphal doc
trine.
''Ah reckon We alrs been shuckin'
crsters hyah fer er bundled yeahs. they
exclaimed. unanimously. An dey gin
none O us what ever hyah dat called er
muscle. Dem folks ain had nuthin' ter
do wild orsters. an everybody what has
knows dat ain no muscle"
We'll. never mind about that put in
the Unlearned Cub. "Do any of you know
whether II hurts an oyster to be eaten
alive?"
At least a dozen spoke up at once.
with the offer to PROVE conclusively
either that il did or did not, ACCORDING
to the way the testimony was desired IL
the price of beer was provided. But
when the proof was asked before the pas
ment. the skeptical crowd faded away
Armed with this utter lack of knovl-
edge on the subject, the disappointed and
Unlearned Cub returned to the uptown
district. and, wandering into a restau-
rant for luncheon. unconsciously ordered
an oyster stew.
Il wonder IL an oyster does really feel
any pain when he's eaten alive?" the Cub
thought aloud.
Just then his eye fell upon the solitary
oyster floating lonesomely in the stew
Whether II was the jarring of the counter
by others leaning against 1t. or that the
oyster heard and understood, the Tn
learned Cub cannot say. But this much
is certain. The. sue. the oyster.
mean, turned up to the L. c. an expires
sion as deeply mysterious as that famous.
inscrutable smile that has made famous
the Mona Lisa. Then, with what would
have been a wink had it had an eye and
as though to say. Wouldn't you like to
know" it turned its expression from the
astonished Cub and once more presented
the blank expanse of the brainless oyster.
Then the Cub Reporter went home and
summed up the total of what he had
learned about the torture and pain of the
masticated oyster in those lines of Omar
Khayyam-whc doubtless never saw one:
In my youth did oftentmes frequent
Doctor and saint and heard great argument
About Ii and about, but evermore
Came out the selfsame door wherein I went.
But the Unlearned Cub was happy-for
he had written a two-coumn article on
the oyster and had never once used the
expression "succulent bivalve"'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25
Mule DRIVING.

REPRESENTATIVE CAMPBEIII'S 5i-
N ography in the Congressional Direc-
tory states that she read law Oh the
farm" He SAYS himself that he knows
how TO handle a six-mule team.
But, let me tell you this he said.
that TO do it successfully let one man
keep both reins and whip In his own
hands. Mules are sensitive TO division
of power"
The jewel Of consistency Is his. for In
the debate the other day over restoring
to the Speaker certain powers taken from
him two years ago. Mr.. Campbell stuck
TO his last when he said:
as the Speaker tired Of occupying an
easy chair? Or is the gentleman from
Alabama (Mr. Underwood, autocrat of the
ways and means committee) tired or the
lash and reins together? From this day
on we shall have the two sitting on the
box, the Speaker OF the House holding
the reins and the gentleman from Ala
oama using the lash"
The applause and laughter from the re-
publican side kept out of the stenographic
report of Minority Leader Mann 3 charac-
teristic comment that Campbell still un-
derstands mule driving"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

remember, of course, in the Iliad, when
Venus was wounded on the plains OF Troy
by the javelin of Achilles, the poet says
there flowed from the wound a colorless
fluid called ichor; a divine fluid which
flowed in the veins of the gods, not the
base red blood of mere man. Oysters,
therefore, would seem to be more godlike
than man, If blood tells-as all the old
Georgetown families assert
THAT isn't In my line" replied the man
of learning, gazing with disgust on the
Unlearned Cub. I'VE were talking about
oysters and their capability of suffering.
Sure agreed the Unlearned One.
Now, in one question, after an oyster
has been removed from his permanent
domicile with the aid Of an oyster fork,
and transferred to the mouth of the hui
man brute, does he feel any pain when
he's masticated? = masticated means
.chewed,' you know
= y
It can answer that question no better
than can that as to whether it causes
him pain and anguish to be transfixed by
the fork" replied the expert, loftily. 1T
is the same question of a highly or simply
developed nervous system. / repeat, I
never was an oyster.
Association means much breathed
the Cub irrelevantly, as he departed And
then. to himself, Anyhow, I've learned
what srespirat .on' meant"
He next laid his course for the bureau
of chemistry. which, according to Prof.
Moores weather charts. is the scientific
storm center of THE Atlantic states.
why don't you ask me something
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

when he is cut out OF his shell and
eaten raw asked the Unlearned Cub.
Does you want to buy any orsters?"
queried the oyster shucker.
why, no." replied the L. c. II mere
ly wanted to get some information about
whether it hurts"
Den, eff you dom want ter buy no
orsters. All dom know nuthin'," inter
rupted the shucker. with a tone of final
ity.
Armed with this experience the Cub
approached the next shucker with dime
in his outstretched hand. 1t was eagerly
srasped, while the supporting crowd. sit
ting about perched on barrels and boxes,
looked on obviously.
Well boss, All can't say shuah
wheder er orster feels er shu huff hut
when yer chews him up or not" was
the reply of this authority when the trite
question was put to him. But hit suit
tinly seem lax hit ought ter hut EN-
don't it? Dey's got err heart, an eff dey's
got er heart. o. cose dey can feel. Hyah's
de heart now
The old fellow tipped the upper shell
from the oyster he was opening and
eye. In the center of the oyster.
Oats de heart" he continued. like a
lecturing professor. for he wanted TO
earn that dime honestly. Oats de
heart O. de oyster, jes lax yo' heart is
'yo' heart
4 X
dat ain no .:eartv exclaimed one of
the score composing the supporting crowd.
who had i'm the meantime gathered close
in to hear the conversation. Dat ain
no heart; dats de eye
''G'way fun hyah." exclaimed the
shucker Don you reckon All knows
what Ah'm talkin 'bout9''
Goose dat de eye" put in another.
And then a third and fourth added the
weight of his testimony against the
shucker. 1t was evident that the crowd.
jealous of the ten-cent retainer paid the
shucker in advance. wished to discredit
his statements. The Unlearned Cub SHE'D
his castor into the ring.
THAT isn't the heart or the eye" he
said. 1.-The scientific experts say that is
the muscle that holds the shells to-
gether.'
Immediately the Earring factions united
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

airplant resembles the pineapple. 4 ia
vorite joke among the crackers of south
ern Florida is to point the northern ten
derfoot to a tree covered with airpiants
and tell him it is a pineapple Tree. Iihe-
APPLES of course do not grow on trees
but on the ground. Century plants also
may be seen. On the shore of Lake Okeec
chobee will be found dense jungle OF
custard apples loaded almost to the
ground with morning glory.
The sight for which the tourist Will
eagerly watch is the orange and grape
fruit grove. Here and there along tue
shore of the river he will find IT, extend,
ing back short distance. a typical
grove contains five acres of oranges,
grapefruit and tangerines. In midW!nter
the trees are laden with luSc; Gus fruit
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

GAYS Aiabamian Humane
~ Official, Who Claims the
Oyster Feels It-An I'm
learned Cub Consults Wash
ington Authorities as to
Whether the Oyster VIRTUES
in Agony-Interviews Ex-
perts in the Government,
Shuckers in Restaurants and
Old Oystermen on the
Wharves-Asks the Oyster
Himself, But Gets No Reply
Eventually the Poor Cub,
Like Omar, Comes Out the
Selfsame Door Wherein He
Went.
BY THE CUB REPORTER.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

The development of this nervous sys
tenn however, is very rudimentary
and. hence it is to be presumed tina
he is not the victim of keen. in
tense, agoniZing pain, such as tbs
highly developed human being is sub
ject to when he has dentist turr
loose Il machinery hall inside an ach
ing tooth, or sees his girl strollins
through the cleaning with another
fellow.
1.-THE capabilities of suffering the ins
tense agony inflicted by such agents as
those just mentioned are reserved only
for the human. and are beyond the SEN
sorry system of the oyster. That is my
opinion ONLY, added the expert, with
emphasis. Il do not want to be quoted
1T all and, while l know You are going
to swear you will not DO it, You VIII
quote me just the same. And so, when
you don't quote me. AS you promise, be
sure and add that this is merely an ex
preston of opinion, and not an estab-
lished scientific fact.
''You see, | never was an oyster, hence
I cannot speak from personal experience.
AS far as getting the oyster to talk about
himself, young man, even the most mex
pert scientist knows that he's very un-
communicative concerning his private al
fairs Indeed, there fs only one thing
that we do know certainly about the
oyster
what is thato" interrupted the Cub
Reporter eagerly. Here was something
worth while coming!
THAT he is most excellent eating,
especially when sarnished with pinch
of salt and horseradish," replied the ex-
pert, solemnly.
Then he drew forth a large chart on
which was lined an oyster in proportions
about as big as he thinks himself to be-
Now, these flaps here explained the
expert to the Wondering Cub, as lie
pointed to the fiabby crest that runs
down the roof of the oyster, ARE the
gills They are the main part of the
respiratory system of the molluse. Res
piratory,' continued the expert as he
took in the expression of vast vacuity
that overspread the countenance of the
Unlearned One, " respiratory means
having something to do with breathing"
And the expert demonstrated with his
hands the ex- and in-haling movements
of the lungs .
A look of almost human intelligence
dawned upon the face of the Cub. Il
see," he exclaimed, 1T is derived from
the Latin 'respirare, if you'd only said
so at first
Yes" admitted the expert, land the
colorless liquid that exudes from re-
Gently opened oyster is not sea water.
that has been retained in the shell, as
many suppose, but the life-bIood of the
animal. You observe. it is not red. like
human blood
II see," exclaimed the Cub Reporter,
listening eagerly. why, that must be
the same as the Homeric ichor!"'
1.-The WHAT" queried the expert, frown-
ing like fortress.
ssIchor." blithely replied the Cub you
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

grows more and more narrow until but
finally it IS few yards across.
At first the banks of the river are
thickly lined with trees. Gloomy cy-
presses abound, heavily festooned with
moss. Interspersed among these is the
palmetto. Grown up, it is called the
palm. In its top may be found a cabbage
good for human food. Such a tree is
called cabbage palm
Numerous uprooted palmettos are seen
by the river bank. The root cluster re-
sen,hles a larg1 round broom. In time,
the interior of the stump rots out leaN-
ing cylindrical hole suggesting a hen 5
nest. Occasionally q bamboo Is seen
Good forests OF short-leaved pine are also
found. At Fort Thompson, two-thirds of
the way up To the LAKE. palmettos stand
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25
Quite a Change.

president FARRELL of the United
I States Steel Corporation was discus
sing in New York an interview with
conferee.
My friend was Inisquoted.'' he said,
"innocently misauoted, but the misquota-
ton, all the same, changed the whole
meaning of his argument.
1T reminds me Of an odd typograph-
ical error George Brown was TO
marry Mary Jones, and the local pa
per In announcing the marriage said:
:. George and Mary have been chums
from childhood.
But the compositor made this read.
George and Mary have Been chumps
from childhood"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

made At last, when a point three miles
east of Prophets landing had been
that the men were compelled to stop and
return. So winding was the route that
they We're obliged to travel one hundred
and twenty miles in order to cover fifty
three.
i:
In the last thirty years four interesting
expeditions have been made into the
Everglades. In 1883 Maj. Archie p. Will
liams, representing New Orleans paper.
accompanied by party, started from
Puntarasa to invade the wilderness. They
went to Fort Myers, thence up the Ca
loosahatchee to Lake Okeechobee. This.
with its borders. they explored. Facing
the slades, they blazed their trail by
burning the grass. They pushed on to
the head of Shark river, which they FOL
lowed southwark to the sea.
In 1892 Mr.. James f. Ingrahanl. with
party. entered tie glades at Fort Shack
elford with two skiffs and two canvas
boats They went southeastward, cover
ing for a tiue about five miles day.
the skiff and some baggage had to be
abandoned. From then on they literally
fought their way through Dogs and saw
grass. The men became exhausted. FRO
visions ran low. Death Inenaced. Re
treat was impossible. Finally an old
Seminole guided the party 10 the Miami
river after which return was easy:
In 1897 Lieut.. Hugh L. Willoughby en-
tered the Everglades by way OF HarneH
river west oe Cape Sable. He had one
comnanion two canoes and two months
provisions. They went southeastward. en-
countered impenetrable sawgrass. turned
backward worked around the southern
border of tn egrass, and finally came out
at Miami
The fourth important expedition was
made in 1907 by representatives of the
drainage division of the United states De-
partment of Agriculture under the dlrec-
ton of Maj. j. O. Wright. The report
of this expedition is found in Senate docu-
ment 80, at page 1856 The party crossed
the glades from west 10 southeast, col
lected data and fought saWerass Iney
came out at Pompano. me chronlcier
states: The greater part of the next
week was spent in eating. sleeping anu
curing the injured feet and wounds. Five
and, six meals a day was a not uncommon
program, as the exertions ana priVations
of the party had been extreme
:. x
Mention has been made of the Semi
noles. The name means "wanderer' or
runaway" There are now in Florida
some three or four hundred Seminoles, de-
scended from a half dozen families who
survived the Seminole war. in 1S41 The
Seminoles are said to be the only pure
blood Indians in America The men are
yeritable Apollos of physical beauty.
They are noted for their honesty and
probity and, when sober. are notably
kind to their families. Whisky. however.
is their curse To sell or give whisky to
an Indian is to violate law, but In some
way the Seminoles get the liquor. n party
will come to town and, with a single ex-
ception, will all get drunk. This one,
previously appointed. stanAE guard over
the members of the party tltil they have
sobered up and got home. On the next
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

about lobsters?" laughed Dr. Wiley, when
the Cub inquired Of him whether, in his
opinion. the oyster suffered any pangS
when stabbed by the oyster fork of the
gourmand 1--WE had so much more ex-
perience with them; club obtains pet
ter results on them than any oyster FORK
But, as to the oyster, while he has a nerv.
Gus system, there's hardly enough. of II
to speak of. Why, just try to imagine an
oyster burying its face in it's handker-
chief and going off into an attack of hys,
terra; you just can't do 1t. Outraged
imagination refuses to turn a wheel
~
Then, too, nervous system that
amounts to anything gives rise TO
thoughts and emotions that leave their
stamp upon the countenance of the. own
or. Now, think back as far as you ike
and see if you can recall ever having seen
any emotion. whether 1t be pain or De-
Fight love or hate, or what not, express
ed upon the countenance of an oyster! l
know | can't. True, Richard Brinsiey
Sheridan says in his play. The nCrltic'
that An. oyster may be crossed in love-
but, from Sheridan's own life. 1 fancy
he was a better authority on an oyster
fried in oil than crossed in love-
seriously speaking, however" contln-
red the great chemist, the nervous sys-
tenn of an oyster Is of such a low order OF
development that l do not think 1t Is any
more capable of feeling pain. as We hu-
mans know it, than is the sensitive plant
which, when it's leaves are touched, Iolds
them I'D out of harms way. l should say
that that Alabama fellow is wholly vast
ing his sympathy in shedding tears over
the oyster enduring exquisite tortnres
when pierced by the oyster FORK. REQ.
ple are prone to waste good deal or
sympathy on objects that have no need
whatever for it, concluded the doctor,
with that final characteristic touch of PHI
loSophy.
Sure replied the proprietor. There
$50 much for the scientific knowledge
on the oyster question" unused the Tn
learned Cub. Lets see what the practi-
cal man who sells the oyster has to say"
Whereupon he sought a restaurant that
for years has been looked upon as home
of the oyster oe family and class-the
Mayfower type, as 1t were. The Cub ap-
preached the proprietor, and thus he
spoke:
Have you ever noticed, when your VIC
tims-your customers, | mean--haVe, say.
half q dozen raw opened and served LOT
them, whether they gave any evidences OF
suffering great pain and anguish
Pain and anguish calculated the pro
prietor with a snort. well, l should
think they do
They do" calculated in turn the de-
lighted and Unlearned Cub. now not on
evidence they give of suffering, what
symptoms they show of this pain and
anguish?
why, they let out roar you can hear
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

ready, when the. price is right, to be pick
ed and shipped. Masses of huge grape
fruits. fifteen, twenty or more In a Gus
ter, may be found weighing down the
branches of the trees as the grapes OF
Eschol weighted down the vine.
AS to animals one naturally looks first
for the alligator. Unhappily it is growing
scarce The natives hold him in scant
respect and shoot him at sight. Law has
been found necessary to protect him along
the rivers; eisewh here, however. he Is law.
ful prey. Occasionally one sees him. re-
sefnbling a log lying on the bank or float
ing in the water, or one may hear a
splash and, on looking, see a smooth place
in the mud where he has lain and from
which he has slid into the river. Foxes.
raccoons, bears and squirrels are also
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

clear over to Fort MSer.' replied the pro-
prietor. feelingly; roar and kick, too,
Let out roar and kick!" echoed the
Cub in amaZement. Would you mind let
ting me see one in the act?''
that fellow over there putting on his
overcoat. When he counted out 30 cents
for dozen. just now: you would "a
charged him dollar apiece. Why, every
last one Of
'Oh, you're talking about the custom
ers"' exclaimed the Unlearned Cub,
catching his breath.
why, of course" answered the pro-
prietor, what did you s'pose?'
7 was talking about the oyster suf-
ferinE pain and anguish; not the fellow
who's eating him.
''Oh. don't know anything about that"
replied the proprietor, his mouth flying
open in amazement ASK old Oyster
John down there at the raw counter;
he's been shucking oysters here for a
The Unlearned Cub approached the aged
darkey, whom he recognized as char
acter Of antiquity in oyster opening. He
claimed that he'd shucked oysters for
George Washington at Valley Forge, and
believed 1t, too.
Uncle JOHN" commenced the Unlearn-
ed Cub. do you think 1t causes an oys-
ter any agony and anguish to be eaten
raw?'
..WeIl, bout de agny, All dom know,
boss replied John as he pocketed the
dime. But All ain nebber found no an
guish on none O. desc hyah hes'peake
iysters. Some o. dem New York iysters
has 'em. though"
mo, l mean does it hurt an oyster to be
cut out of his shell and then chewed
alive?"
''Ah ain nebber heared none ov 'em
holler yit.' answered old John, "but All
reckon dey'd fin it hard ter holler case
dey ain got no mouf. Use seen 'em move
when you done cut 'em loose fun de
shell. but wheder dat's cause it hu'ts or
cause dey's jes tu'nin' ober ter git mo-
comfortable, same as you tuhn ober in de
bed. All, dom know. Desc mighty con-
tented folks ain nebber fumn' an fussin
'roun: OATS de reason All likes ter do
bizneSs wild 'em. But as ter wheder it
huts 'em All jes has ter 'fess Judgment,
boss; All, dom know, an OATS de trufe.'
SO far al the persons 'interrogated had
really know anything about it. While
this knowledge was certain and exact, 1t
was very unsatisfying to the cub.
III go down to the wharves and see
the Ethiopian oyster shucker of the
Washington water 'front.'" was his next
bright idea There's where, ii any
where, I can get first-hand information
on this elusive subject"
y solitary riverman was sitting on a
water bucket slowly shocking oysters
from the muddy heap in front of him.
while disposed about him on barrel
heads and soap boxes a score of others
gave him the support of their society.
.'Uncle, I'd like to know whether, in
your opinion, an oyster suffers any pain
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

thick but at Lake Hicpochee. the travel
er reaches the region of treeiess prairie.
Other forms of vegetation abound. One
has not gone far before he comes upon
the water hyacinth. This was brought
from Germany. 1t multiplied like the rab-
bits of Australia. Planted first in private
ponds, it found its way into the streams
and became a nuisance, growing in some
cases so dense as to hinder or even stop
navigation. In places, board may be
thrown upon it and man may walk out
upon the board without sinking. Cattle
feed upon it, however, hence it has u
value
Another curiosity among plants is the
airphnt, which fastens itself upon Il
tree feeding upon air and tree itself. The
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

it will disappear beneath the water. re-
appearing, perhaps at a considerable dis
lance or not at all. Other representatives
of the feathered tribe are the snipe. the
green heron and the little blue hen which
when eight or nine month old is spotted,
then white and when year old, becomes
of dark blue.
On Lake Hicpocllee one at first mistakes
the swarm of swimming and flying birds
for ducks. Ducks. however, are rare here.
They find little Of their kind of food In
stead, it is the mudhen or coot which
everywhere is as much in evidence as
flies upon 4; sugar barrel. Properly
cooked, they make paiatable food.
Again, the -Okeechobee
region is one TO which Izaak Walton
might have Wkhed to be transferred
when through with things terrestrial.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25
z THE CUB REPORTER.

TOP sticking your
fork in live oys-
ters..'' SO says, in
substance. a man
from down Ala
bama way. He is
no less q person.
age than the presi-
dent of the Mobile
Humane Society for
the Prevention of
Cruelty to Animals
of that restful COM
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

monweaith, and hence knows all about
the succulent BIZ. about oysters. L
mean; at least. the aboriginal oyster of
the Alabama swamps.
Pity the poor oyster: unreservedly, de-
cidedly and insistently pity him. Do not
impaIe his tender flesh upon the crude
kitchen fork while yet his heart is pal
pitating. nor transfN the still live cor
porosity upon the two-tined oyster fork
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1912-02-25

III fashion. Shoot him, strange him,
chloroform him-but. by al that is hui
name, spare the harmless creature the
agony, the anguish that tortures his or
ganisIn when speared through and
TIL ough by the dainty oyster sticker,
beloved of debutantes and smart hos
tesses, whose hearts are more micro
scopic than that of the succulent BIZ,