Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1912-05-18
JUNGLE EB."
Uncle Ebenezer Makes Some Good
Resolutions.

ca MS vile, much to her utter aston
isment, thusly:
My dear, | have resolved to quit
using tobacco forever. ! will save
the money and buy you one of those
swell gowns at Judson Smiths, that
gives any lady class and style; one
of those nobby 'Gaby' hats at Mrs
Neeley's millinery parlors,; nice
pair OF those non-rippable gloves at
McDonough' Then when | have
taken you to Lams and your feet
have been properly shod by Charlie
| Noble, who certainly knows what a
good fit is. ! shall proudly escort you
to Brooks Hotel, where we will be
served with a swell chicken dinner.
You are without a doubt Cynthia.
one OF the best women in the world,
and deserve to tog up and enjoy life
the same as the best OF EN-"
Here is the first dime would
spend today: if | were chewing; put
it in the old cream pitcher and save
il for yourself"
Thank you, Ebenezer; | am so
glad 1t is just like you to be SO
kind and thoughtful of me. Did you
sign a pledge or bet one of your
home made hay-rakes with John Gal
lagher that you would refrain from its
use"
Neither one, madam: you insult
my intelligence and manhood by ask
ing such questions. This is Eben
ezcr Blossom talking and not some
one hinged barbarian who doesn't
society and herd of balloons"
Il say | have resolved to quit
chewing tobacco. and by heck | mean
it. Sneeze. Cynthia. and try to get
some OF those dusty webs out of your
head then. maybe. you will under
stand me"
YES. dear. | do understand you.
but ! have queer feeling like that
tells me that your intentions may be
all right, but that you won't make
good
when you get to talking to Bar
ney Reymers about the coming cleo
ton or telling Whit Willis why wo-
men shouldn't vote or pitching horse
shoes with Andy Johnson, | have a
fear that you will forget and break
over. Then YOU
Hold on. Cinthy. just bride your
tongue: cram a dinner plate into your
mouth long enough for me to explain
that il is |, Ebenezer Blossom. who
has quit chewing tobacco.
You should know. after having
lived with me for. nigh on to sixty
years that |. like Snooks Webster and
George Pringle, never make reso-
luton and then break it,"
Furthermore. ! rather have an idea
that have sufficient Stameny and
backbone about me To quit this filthy
habit il Chas Noble, Ed Lam. Frank
Bovard and other men ! know can
OUTFIT they wanted to-"
They have shown that it is pos
sible to quit, il only for a day, and
will confirm the idea and quit for al
time
REV. Waggoner says that il is an
extremely filthy practice. DIR. Mast
erson contends it is bad for the teeth
and our popular physician. Ernest
L.eavitt. does not hesitate to stat,
that it is undoubtedly injurious to
the entire system, and know it i,
destroying weed.
"You know. Cinthy. that it is filth,
when you wash pint of tobacco juice
ont OF evry shirt | wear. And | GER
tainly know il is filthy when | ger
up in the morning with my tongue
tasting like dead rat"
What | want is better health. /
brighter intellect a sweeter mouth, ;
cleaner shirt and less nicotine run
ming down my face. Think OF a dig
uiiied being like me eating tobacco
like donkey eats hay; going arount
with one cneek SUCKING OUT lkc tH'
mumps. and having to squirt quar-
OF tobacco juice out OF my mouth ev
'Su!ulom poop. 'shes Aprl GUN Al
Mr. Blossom. | have studied thu
situation. advised with Vic Bernard
Al West and others, and know jus
what | am doing.
al Ia In - =
= night and you will never find anothe
speck about me as long as ! live.
With this declaration Uncle FL
drained his cup of coffee. folded hi
l. napkin and went up town. At tn
postoffice corner he met Geo Camp
p bell who was wadding half ten
| / .-...4 ....rn., ,,,in Ii. mouth lie ha