davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
The ],
Scrap Book


The desperate boardef vowed that
the next time his iandlady set before
him a breakfast TINT nea would get
thin on he would make her 20 asha
Of herself that she would be driven to
give him enough to eat out Of self re-
spect. His chance came the morning
after he had registered his oath. He
hastily swallowed the scant rationa
set before him, then telephoned to .
restaurant for breakfast Of ham and
eggs. wheat cakes and coffee. When
the meal arrived be dispatched It hun
grily. The landlady watched him with
evident uneasiness. but made no COM
ment.
The next. morning the desperate
boarder approached the dining room
expectantly.; He wondered what the
landlady would do. He soon found
out. The same old light breakfast was
brought In from the kitchen.
"Have you had enoughr the land
lady asked when he had finished.
Indeed l haven't" said the desper-
ate boarder.
She stepped to the telephone and
called up the restaurant.
mir. Brown b ready for his extra
breakfast of ham and eggs and coffee"
she saId.-New York Times.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
eI.su.ns. II ,hs Welsh.

+. Here q a little story Of an English
man in Wales: "On the comparative
qualities of the English and Welsh
tongues let mo tell of the Welshman
who saluted me in the Welsh. was
compelled to confess ignorance. 'Ah.'
he said. turning nuently enough to
English. you should learn the Welsh!
Ny wife was English, and she can
speak conversations now quite WELL
~ acknowledged my shortcomings
and admitted that had always under
stood the Welsh to b remarkably
eloquent tongue. Yes. yea 1t Les go
said the native. In Welsh man can
express exactly what be means. Az
for the English, call It not language
at all-only a dialect.
lyon hat noted that an Engllshman
or 4 foreigner In speaking his Language
waves his hands and arms about to
help out the meaning Of the words, but
4 Welshman who can speak Welsh
well he hass NO need to move his
hands. In the Welsh be can say all
that he means "-Chlcago News.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

DnfINo HIN WITH HER UMBRELLA.
aware. owing to the recent epidemic
among the silkworms the price Of silk
has Increased enormously Of late"
The customer took the silk, paid for
1t and went away. The draper there
upon lectured his assistant, saying:
you've no commercial adaptability.
Mark my words and remember what
said for next time
A few days later the draper was hav-
ing his dinner. leaving his assistant at
the counter. Hearing noise. he look
ed out and saw the same old lady belt
ing his assistant with her umbrella.
He separated them and asked the as
slstant what be had been doing.
"Oh." said the assistant. Il was mere
ly carrying out your Instructions. She
asked for some tape. and l showed her
some. suid: we can LET you have
this Mt eiebtpence the dozen yards. II
II wasn't for the fact that we have had
It In stock some time we should have
to charge ] shilling, for. as you are
Doubtless aware. owing to the rscent
epidesnic among The tapeworm4. the
price Of tape has gone up enormously
Of late Then she hit me with her UNI
brella. "-Pcarsonx 81
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

Our favorite and much petted pea
cock. says correspondent Of the Loo
don Spectator. can be kept happy any
length Of time looking at his reflection
In the window pane or In looking
glass. He comes In daily to tea. max
ing no mistake about the hour. and
spends much time en- route In gazing At
himself az he appears In the glass Of
the French windows by which he en-
tiers the room. II am sewing and do
not speak to him when he comes into
the room. he win gently put his head
quite close. almost touching my ring
e needle, for he likes bright things,
till l have to give up working and talk
to him a. with small child whom one
= afraid Of pricking.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06


raui Du Chailiu was the most al.
liant Of bachelor and always openly
confessed that Ae was quite unable to
resist the wiles Of the fair sex, 10
much so thnt he had never been able
to choose between them. On one occa.
sion when he was 1.-The lion" at re-
ccption given by some intimate friends
In New York the hostess in presenting
him to one Of her guests said:
Let me present you to Mrs. -.
You must know her. Paul. because she
has just written book"
"A book. MADAME he exclaimed.
Then indeed am most delighted to
meet her. once made book my
self. But what is the title Of your
book?"
THE name Of It Is What One wom-
an Thinks" was the smiling re-
Spouse.
".Ah. indeed. and most interesting:
What One Woman Thinks. repeated
the great explorer. And then. with 4
simulated excitement. he added hasti-
ly: But where can l procure a copy
Of It? must have 1t Mt once-imme-
dlately. All my life I have been try
Ing in vain to find out what women
think. and II before die shall sue
coed in finding out just what one wo-
man thinks shall then indeed die con-
tent"
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
THE opsoNIc TEST.



Nekat u Showed ths Man VINE eNss3s~
ossat Deal.
His friends knew that be would rath-
O. miss half an hour Of play than
eut short his after dinner cigar. and
th.x w.r. ..tonished when he an.
ronrced that ~ had ouit smoking.
.Whst.s n. trouble r. he was asked
.on.onic te.t~ he replied sloomily.
.wh.t IN ths vorld In thatr
.I.ve been run down Of late and fees.
sr- nr.ttv hlue- A. there N eonsumu.
t,on IN NV fan,lv. I consulted a spe.
s,.i,.t n .sM + didn.t have the dis.
~ vet hat he vouId tell me what
nv chs ncea were Of settinr II. We
A. Constantly breathing tuberculosis
serm. ~ cxp,ained. lint healthy blood
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
fM chRA

The class at kirk had been reading
tie story Of Joseph and his brethren.
and It came to the turn Of the visiting
minister to examine the boys.
Ths replies to all Of his questions had
been quick. intelligent and correct.
such ~:
.'what great crime did these sons Of
Jacob commit1~
They sold their brother Joseph"
~Quite correct And for hsw much r
twenty pieces Of silver"
"And what added to the cruelty and
wickedness Of these bad brotharsr
A pause.
what made their treachefy even
more detestable and heinousr'
Then 4 bright little fellow stretched
out an eager hand.
well. my mani"
Please. sir. they selt him over
cheap
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
DID HIS BEST.


He Followed Instructions, Vet the Re.
suit Was Very oisesurasins.
There WINS a man who kept 4 small
drapers shop and who had an assist.
ant who was new to the business. One
day an old lady came In and asked for
some silk. The youthful assistant show
ed her some. saying:
awe can do this for You at 6s. I'd.
yard"
Tie ,nnster then came forward and
said:
aim surprised at you showing this
lady stun of that quality. Take 1t
away and put it back on its SHELF.
Then, turning to the customer. be said;
"You must excuse my assistant.
madam-he is new to the business. But
II you will allow me ! will show you
something very superior"
He went away and returned, bring
Ing the same piece Of silk. This.
madam" he said. ''is very superior
article, los. Cd. a yard. II 1t were not
for the fact that bought 1t some time
ago we should have to charge you 10
shillings. for. as you are doubtless
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
a SHARP CLIENT.
Peeled He Counsel but His Ns~ss
Wen Him Freedom.

VssIsd HE Counsel but His Nsss
Wen Him Freedom.
The Paris bar IL laughing At the rv,se
of youthful advocate who had TO de-
fend man Whose reputation WAS not
Of the hest.
After much thought the counsel COB
ciuded THAT, II be could produce da.u-
meutary evidence Of his clients hOn-
esty nil would be well aud to obtain
an acquittai would mean much. M far
as future practice was concerned. Like
most suspects, the client was penni-
less. 20 to produce the necessary evil
dence 1t was needful to provide the
means.
The advocate gave his client i've
franc piece-about Sl-and suggested
that he should take 1t to the police aud
say he found 1t in the street and thus
obtain a receipt. The client acqui-
esced. went to the police ONCE and re-
turned with a receipt. The advocate
gave a cursory' glance at the docu-
ment and tied 1t up with his brief. lit
tie thinking Of the sequel.
On the day Of the trial the young ad-
vocate relied entirely on the police re-
ceipt and thus terminated his appeal
to the jury.
81 have document which shows
that during the past week my client
found a 1--WE franc piece in the street.
and without delay he took 1t to the
police. IL that the act of thief?"
Then he triumphantly handed the
document to the president of the court.
TIE Judge examined 1t closely and
asked:
WAS it s francs that he foundT'
"Yes. Mfr. President" was the reply.
"I am quite sure A. to that"
But" said the president. "the re
ceipt II for franc only"
The court was convulsed. and the
Jury. approaching either the ingenui-
ty Of counsel or the sharpness Of his
client. acquitted the -honest" knave.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
DesoLATloN ISLAND.


ksrsvsisa Lad 10 . Region u Per-
pstval eAsrm,s.
OF an places on earth outside the
arctic and antarctic regions KerEuelen
Land, in the Indian ocean, IL the most
Isolated and inhospitabie. Indeed. II
q generally known to mariners not by
tn ofacial title, but a. Desolation ~
land.
Most nations have owned It by turns.
but II has been sooner or later aban-
doned BY them. ali a. worthless. and
this although It Govern an area vark
ously estimated at from 100 to 1000
square miles. At present France u In
nominal possession Of II, she having
annexed It IN 1893.
The sou h utterly barren. Practi-
cally the whole Of the interior II COW
cred with snow fields Of unknown
depth. whence glaciers Cow down to
the sea. Where there arc NO snow
fields there are mora1ses and hidden.
treacherous mudholes.
The climate h probably the worst I'm
the world. Terrific tsnpssts follow one
anothsf practically without csasans
ard an. accompanisd b. torrents of Ice
cold rain. hail sjest and NOW. Ths
Challenges expedition spent . month
there. during which time there were
only three hns days. And this was In
Decembsr-Januasy. when II b mid
summer In those ATTITUDES.
tn discoverer. II. KerEueien Trema-
rec. although at nrst be protested to b
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

S&1oSe W. WV ~sS8USs
An article on Examination Huroces
b a periodical called Normal Echoes
contains some good '.howlefs.~ They
are none the less interesting for com
ing from students in training fce teach
era A criticism Of william Blake that
~as q child he was pfecoc3e0e in 20
etry. but in later years It deveiopsd Into
dogmatism." II lesson IN ths - Of
being inarticulate. while the remark
that '4the works Of the time were most
~ satyrs" II quaint, though obvious.
OF course there Is boggling over proper
names. There II nothing. indsed. %
good as the description Of Cromwell
a. u man with coarse features and
having a large red nose. with deep re-
ligious convictions beneath Of the
case Of the ''lapscd man" who. having
BY way Of execution attended church.
admitted to the rector's wifs that he
had benefited, for he had learned that
sodom and Gomos'ah were two eltiea,
whereas he had always thouGht they
were man and wife. - Manchester
Guardian.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

The contempt that the caddy feels
for the playing Of some Of the ANA
tours Is sometimes beyond his power
to suppress. At the Philadelphia
Country club they are telling story
Of swell young beginner who APP
peared to think the only qualification
necessary for golf was a lot Of stag
gering clothes. He started over tho
links with n young lady who had sim
liar decisions. They played awhile
with one Of the best caddie golfers as
an attendant.
"Do you think" asked the young
man. turning to the caddie with a
kindly air-'do you think wen be able
to get around the course before dusk r
IF you run. sir" said the caddie
grimly.-Philadelphia Times.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

Veey Neafiy TfoUkls.
Horace. you don't love me ~ you
used to-"
''Not altogether. my dear. When We
were first married I loved you for your
beauty. Now love Jon for yoar real
worth, your many excellencies Of mind
and heart and for your
10. Horace Hiessworthy! You think
i've got entirely over my good looks.
Do yoaf Let mo tell you. SIR
"And for your unfailing sweetness Of
disposition, my dear
Uncertain whether to 20 ahead and
ecold him just the same OF to indulge
IN 4 good cry, She compromised BY
doing neither and fen to dsTnint his
socks with renewed energy.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

Lest Charm Of the Waysids Inn.
The inns Of England. celebrated BY
Harrison and famous far and wide At
the beginning Of the hast century. have
degenerated into sad places which We
visit only of necessity. Little nd
Stephenson think when he proposed
the line from Manchester to Liverpool
hat he would ruin the wayside inns
Of England and kill the art Of cookery.
-Blackwood's Magazine.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

The class had just finished recitlna
'.rhe Charge Of the Light Brigade
Now" said the teacher, '.can m,
one present tell me the meaning Of
those words, Half a Lacquer"
Up shot the hand Of Thomas JoaeA
aged eleven. football captain and in.
domitables fullback.
''Please. sir, 1t means they couldn't
get enough clubs to make up the fan
league"
Some one had blundered.-LeoAsa
Answer
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

There were introductions all around.
The big man stared In puzzled way
at the club guest.
"You look like man I've seen some
where. 3fr. Rlnkler." he said. 'Your
fAcs seems very familiar. l fancy
you have double. And a funny
thing about 1t Il that remember
formed q strong prejudice against thu.
mnn who looks like. you-nlthough I'm
quite sure We never met"
The little guest softly laughed.
I'm the mau." be answered. land ]
know why you formed the prejudice
passed the contribution plate for two
ysars in the church you attended,
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
lit For ras.

The Indy Of the house was q hand
some woman Of mature order OF
beauty. and when she had completed
her toilet she gazed fondiy Mt herself
in the glass and remarked to the new
maid. You'd give a good deal to be as
handsome AZ am. wouldn't you.
nowT'
Yes M" was the maids answer. al
most MS much as you'd give to be my
age"
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

do you think that Miss Kiddes was
having fun with met" asked Chawlis.
"Well, old chap. give me the detai1s,s
was Awthur's response.
you see. had my bull terrier with
ne. and said to her. That dog knows
n much as I do And she said, 'Doa't
you think $3.50 was too much to pay
for him r"-Cleveland Leader.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
Eerr..t,. Wend.rfuI Pe~.sr.

An effemInate young man. nm in
tense admirer of Forrest. enlisted
among the supers 30 as to be nearer
his idol. At the end Of Forests most
effective speech, then On. the new ac-
tor was 10 overcome that he tainted.
The incident 10 pleased the ''oh man"
that he called him to his dressing
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
A Rsassuriws Truth.

A lady ON one Of the ocean iiners
who seemed very much afraid Of Ice
berEs asked the captain what would
happen in case Of q collision.
The captain replied, The iceberg
would move right along, madam. just
~ if-nothIng had happened" And ~
old lady seemed greatly relieved.-S1c-
cess.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

A little girl was on visit to her
aunt and had enjoyed herself very
much until Monday morning.
On this occasion she accompanied
her relative on rent collecting excur-
sion through a poor district where her
aunt owned some property. As Is Of
ten the case. they were In many in
stances met with excuses for nonpay-
ment. and the little lady's counte-
nance. as for the ninth time she heard
the. remark. I'm very sorry. but l
can't give you anything today took
on an expression Of great. disgust.
At last she could restrain herself no
longer.
'Auntie." said she. 81 think had
better go home this afternoon. nm
quite sure my mamma would not like
to know that you had taken me round
such dirty streets begging.'
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

Mark Twain was once interviewed
and promised the interviewer the story
Of his life. The journalist first asked.
"What is your baptismal Manner and
the author Of tom Sawyer" replied
that he feared he could not say exact
ly. The journalist was discounted ut
this. and his face showed 1t. Then said
the humorist: II was twin. and my
brother and I, Of course. received our
respective names. One day they were
giving us bath. and one Of us was
drowned, and they never knew which
Of US 1t was"
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

Mere life IL vile. may have done
Deeds not unworthy and have won
Unwilling fame. though all men blame
This hearts unrest which makes me shun
The calm content that good men take
From good deeds done for the good deeds
sake.
Deeds that In doing Of the deed
Do bless tho doer. who should need
No bliss beyond. But what to me
IL this-that over land and sea
My name should ny: Or what care !.
For the mere sake Of climbing high.
To climb forever steps that wind
Up empty towers?
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
rhs chlaes,s ~.

bWo OU>1S9oo 49, -1,.fees
Ths Chinese farmer stan91 oscood to
zone In all the word. 8Ah h III the
more remarkable slnes - - rsai1y 20
few implements with wht6e - work
the marveis he produesA m oaiy i'm
plemsnts are the hoe. the paoW and the
harrow. Beyond thsss ~ Chinese
farmer never dreams q desiring any
other. The first Of thee 49, seems
never to be out Of his handn. for It II
the one upon which be rslias tie most
and u his most effective inplensnt 1t
really takes the place Of IL spade In
England. though the latter = aver put
b such extensive and geuesai uses As
tte hoe. The Chinaman can DO any
thing with It but make II speak. A
farmer well ON In years can easily b
recognised amidSt q number ~ work
iagmen BY the curve his hAnAs have
taken from holding the No. In the
many years Of toll In his 1Sida. With
It, II he Il = poor man and bar no oxen
to pillow the ground. hs tmns up the
soil where. he II going to plant bis
crops. and with It hs dsftiy ard with
q turn of his wrist levels cot the sur
face 70 that It IL made rsady for the
seed. With broad bladed hes be dips
to the bottom OF stream o. - . pond,
draws up the soft mud that has gath
cred there and. with dsxterous
swing. nings the dripping hosfui on to
his field nearby to increase III Richness
BY this new deposit-Londoo King.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

room. where. after a few remarks, he
presented him with dollar as me
mcnto of the occasion. On reJoinlng
his fellow supers. ave In number. tue
happy recipient spoke Of his good for
tune. dilating upon the cause thereof.
AT the next performance Forrest kept
his eye on him to see II he could again
70 overcome him az to cause him to
faint. When he reached the scene and
climax his establishment can be i'm
agIned when SIX Of the supers fell
over In a dead faint.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

The Heiress-I want to Be iovsd toe
myself. Count de Broke (apgauA6a-
dear lady. b there any post
sibility Of this being case Of mistsk.
en- identity E1llustrated Btu.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
civil eu..tier, Rud. An.v..r.

Civil Question, Nude Answer.
One day O'Ranerty was up before
Judge Brady In New York for ASSAULT
Ing Prtrick Murphy. and this was the
examinations:
MIR. O'Rafferty." said the Judge.
why did you strike Mr.. MurphyT"
because Murphy would not give me
a civil answer to a civil question, yer
hcnor.''
What was the civil question you
asked him?"
II asked him. perlite a. you PLACE.
Murphy. amt your own brother the
biggest thafe on Manhattan Island. ex.
cepting yourself and your uncle. who
y absent at the penitentiary at Sing
sing?'"
"And what rude answer did he give
you to such a very civil question:
HE said to me. .Av course. prisint
company excepted So said. MUIR
ply. you re liar and struck him wild
me dst."
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

A stockbroker who had his new
forty horsepower automobile delivered
to him the other day decided to cele-
brate the occasion. the market being
dull, says the New York Sun. by run
on the country roads. To be on the
safe side on his gasoline supply he de-
cided TO stop at garage to have the
tank filed. As 1t was being measured
out he turned to his son. a sturdy chap
Of six. who had followed him inside
the garage. to impress upon him the
danger Of gasoline. Calling him by
name, he said. You would go straight
to heaven II put q match to that
gasoline
Looking his father straight in the
eyes. the boy replied, And where
would 'you go. dadw
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

Little Flora - Mamma, you amt q
gin. ars youf Mamma-Certainly not.
ny dear. Tn . woman. Little Floea-
But you wefs q little sir1, weren't youP
lfamma-Oh, yes yeess ago. Little
rloea-WeIl. whsrs b the little girl
now that you used 10 bef- Chicago
NeWu.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

"rred. dear. I feel 1t In my ZONES
that you are going to take ne 10 ~
tkeater tonight"
(which bone, darlingr
I'm not sure. but ! think rs ~
wishboner"-Kansas City InAspenAeut
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
A N.i.et.d R;d.

Eugene Walter. the noted playwright
had visitor one afternoon at his
apartment in New York. The visitor.
4 thickset young man In shepherds
plaid suit and a red tie. said:
"Mr. Walter. like your work. and
want you to write me a one act skit.
I'm the Only Mannering Of the Quag
circuit. and l want 4 breezy, funny
skit. but It must have 4 deep under
lying feeling. the same ~ Paid In
Full you know"
What would you be willing to pay
for a satisfactory skit Of this typer'
Mr.. Walter asked.
Well" said the Only Mannsrins,
IF the skit suited me wouldn't mind
paying $40 for It."
'ren dollars!' said Nj. Walter. "oh,
dear. no: l can always borrow that"
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
Unsettled.

Skinner-Good morning. ma'am. DID
you ever see anything 70 unsettled -
the weather has been lately? Mn.
Hashiey-Well, there's your board ~.
Mr. Skinner.-Philadelph Inquirer.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

Here II a doctor who says 20
mustn't eat when you're worried"
"But suppose you're always woFfls1
fee fear you amt goin' to get anythAo
to eat Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

Ons may dominate moral sa3ef1n0s
Observation-Disclosures
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

= was afraid you'd scream when !
kfssed you"
II didn't dare. Mamma was b ~
nsxt room and would have heafe "a"
Houston Post.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

suspseson always hasats ~ -
atDA-1haksspsa1e.
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
Who Nero Yves.

In the days when Sir Charles Gavan
Duffy was a leading figure in victo-
rian politics there sat in the Melbourne
parliament wealthy but not well in
formed butcher. The chief secretary
Of the day was deprecating the atti-
tude Of the leader Of the opposition.
whose conduct was. he declared. worse
than Nero's.
who was Nero7" INTERCEPTED the
knight Of the clever. with equal scUrn
and sincerity.
who was NeroT replied the de-
lighted chief secretary. 1.-THE honor
able gentleman ought to know. Nero
was celebrated Roman butcher"
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06

1As power u secesity = sz.ssistsaaa
-AsscAv3sa
The Meeker herald., 1912-07-06
Hauehsd Fer Her.

At a marriage service performed
some time ago in a little country
church In England. when the minister
said in solemn tone. "wilt thou have
this man to be thy welded husband?',
Instead of the woman answering for
herself a grun mans voice answered:
''Oi will"
The minister looked up. very much
perplexed. and paused. He repeated
the sentence. and again the same gruff
voice answered:
''Oi WILL
Again the minister looked up sur
prised. not knowing what to make Of
1t. when one Of the groomsmen at tho
end Of the row said:
",Er be deaf. OF be answerin' for