Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1912-09-26

Anse Judson has had so many
punctures this season that he has
bought four. grindstoneS and is soin
tn use 'em for wheels ON his automo.
bile. He says he is soin' to teach tina,
durn rubber trust how tn take IL joke
The only fellerS t!lat are absolutel,
safe in eatin' tomater catsup is those
who wear red neckties.
This town is SO healthy that. n Il,
wasn't for examin' men for life .nsur.
ance the doctors would starve to death
The old-fashioned fellers that uset
to take snuff amt disappeared. They
are now new fashioned fellers and Sc,
around the clubs smokin' cigarets.
The wine blew so hard i'm our village
last Friday morning that it peeled the
paint all or'n the iiacdshell meetin
house.
When IL feller's wife picks out his
clothes it is IA cinch that at least one
person will be satisfied with 'em.
Every Teller is dead set agin' thu.
automobile until somebody invites
him to q" ridin' in one.
Perhaps. some day. some hero Will
invent Il turn down collar that a fell
Ter kin put ON without breaking seven
or eight of the commandments.
There is never a shortage in the crop
of wild oats.
Whe a doctor gets sick he is the
sickest man in the whole community
ditN w HdluCSL W NuIlUtG.
Elmer Spinks asked .Anse Frisby il
he killed IL Teller Very often with his
oatmobile and Anse said: NO, only
once"
There are lots OF jobs that have got
1T all over that of solderin' a tin roof
in the summer time.
The feller who invented the derby
hat must have been i'm cahoots with
some Teller who manufactured a hair
restOrer.
Lillian Russell will still be giving
ont beauty hints.
Captain Hobson will be trying to pull
off a war with Japan.
Their will soon be English suffra-
gets in Jail.
Harry Thaw will be trying to get out
of the asylum.
Some hundreds of vaudeville persons
will still be singing SILVER Threads
Among the Gold"
Somebody will be trying to invent "A
non p~uncturable automobile tire.
THE OLD FASHIONED CAMPAIGN
There used to be fun i'm the olden DAYS
When they had the real live campaign;
When the boys wore the oil cloth uni
forms
And marched in the pouring rain.
When they carried the torches and CAV
1ambeaux
And moved in a mighty line:
When the red fire burned for miles
and miles
Downtown when the nights were fine.
They marched: in true military style.
AS though they We're bound for war.
And nine out OF ten didn't really
lust what they We're marching for.
lliey Wore all the trappings of cut
rassiers.
With plumes in their bright tin hats.
One night they would march as Pc
publicans.
And the next night as democrats.
Tho old brass band and the fife and
Made noises by night and day,
And the wives and s~weethearts stood
on the curb
To cheer them upon their way.
Tbe torches dripped plenty of kero-
Sene
And clothing went up in flame.
nobody faltered or seemed to
For that was all i'm the game.
They scrambled for seats in the old
tONn hall.
When torches had all been stacked.
There wasn't a night through the
whole campaign
what h old place was packed.
The speaker would wave he old Stars
and Stripes,
AS 1T was never waved before.
h crowd would whistle and stamp !
and yell
And the country was saved ence
The torches are gone. to be seen M
more.
The uniforms are passed.
The candidates use only adjectives
And wage q forensic frey.
IAlaS and alack for the good old times. |
For the dizzy fiambeaux campaign.
has gone with the garbage OF
history,
viii return again.
-
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT.
Last winters snow shovel makes a
handy little fly swatter.
Any lady can make a Very stylish |
summer hat out of Il second hand |
Wire %toaster. and a couple of yards of
baby ribbon.
There are very few actors in this
who do not own fur trimmed
o~Nercoats.
There isn't Il poet in America VIII, |
KNOWS how tn RIM AN alIfnn,nhi1n