The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1912-06-13

er than the chance or that wire snap
ping. I'm just trying to show you that
We haven't got down to the proper
method Of guessing how and when and
where old Nemesis is going to kick us.
was in the fool mob when was at
Puoroa calculating upon the value Of
those six-foot lengths that were grow.
ing faster than corn in spring time
Those nigs grew five inches of hair
every day, and ! was beginning to
sharpen the shears when trouble fell
upon me like the wrath Of Heaven.
"One of those pot-bellied native
youngsters stole five-gallon can Of
the hair grower, and six hours after
ward I had struck the champion bad
luck patch Of my career. Yes, sir
twas in it up to my neck. That kid
while the father was asleep; splashed
it pretty freely over his mothers facial
rind and decorated himself in such
manner that he looked like one Of
those King Charles spaniels the mo-
ment the tufts of hair started to shoot.
Nothing could keep the hair off any
part Of the body touched by Zirg-
stauk's Hair Grower
"If got that can back might have
stopped the trouble. but the youngster
traded it all round the place. after he
| had worked off his spite against his
parents, and before nightfall there
were three hundred Puroroans grow
| ing hair in places they didn't want hair
10 grow, and using up all the cuss
words Of the Pacific on yours truly.
FThey came down to my hut in droves
to give personal testimony to the eff
cacy Of the hair grower, and the only
way | could repair the damage was to
offer to barber them free. My get busy
days started just then. The kids
father who got the splash on the nose
! came up to have it trimmed every
morning. because he hair grew that
| fast over night it muffed his voice
! when he started to order his breakfast
Of fried vans and cocoanuts. His wife
was in the same fix, and every day my
| troubles increased Those copper-col-
| ored heathens found that Zirgstauk's
Hair Grower was the most effective
stuff in the world for getting even
with an enemy and. instead Of prod
ding a foe with knife. they would
| syringe him with a half-pint Of the
mixture and come round next day to
grin when he was turning into the wild
man from Borneo at fast gait. cut
hair from daylight till nightfall, and
even did bit of rough trimming when
the moonlight was strong enough to
let me work.
"Then I struck the climax before I
was prepared for it. I used to sleep
with the shears under my head be-
cause, being the only pair on the ISL
and, it was pretty valuable posses"
sion, so you can imagine the shock
got one morning when I woke up and
found some one had stolen 1t while I
| slept l guessed Puoroa would be too
warm for me without that scissors,
and knew had little hope Of getting
them Just as I was debating about
the best way of skipping out, few OF
! my early morning customers started to
batter the door. so loped out the
back way and made for the beach.
stole canoe and pulled as hard as !
| could toward the horizon, and that
evening I was picked up by copra
schooner and taken on to Melbourne.
No sir, I never went back, but if you
see any abnormally hairy specimens of
the human family on exhibition in the
J Bowery 1t is safe betting that they hall
from Puoroa, and if you question them
they'll support my story"
I stood up, but he put out his hand
and detained me.
! ct said never marketed It," he muir
INJURED, "but occasionally 1 sell bot
tie to person whose evident respecta-
bility is proof that he is not one OF
those thieving--. Thank you, sir;
fifty cents am delighted at meeting
you, and if ever you meet one Of
those Puoroans ask them about Dr.
Ulysses G. Zirgstauk."
I have the bottle Of hair tonic on
my desk; l am waiting to present 1t
to the first baldheaded book agent that
invades nay Office.