davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
How Sea Birds Drink.

Under the headline, Where Do They
Get Water? a writer in the Young
Folks Catholic Weekly says: when
| was cabin boy 81 often used to
wonder, seeing birds thousands of
miles out to sea, what they did for
fresh water when they were thirsty.
One day a squall answered that Ques-
ton for me. 1t was hot and glitter
Ing day in the tropics, and in the clear
sky overhead a black rain cloud ap-
peared all Of a sudden. Then out of
empty space over hundred sea birds
came darling from every direction.
They got under the rain cloud, and
waited there for about ten minutes,
circling round and round, and when
tho rain began to fall they drank their
fill In the tropics, where the great
sea birds sail thousands of miles away
from shore, they get their drinking
water in that way. They smell out
storm a long way off; they travel
hundred miles maybe to get under it,
and they swallow enough raindrops to
keep them going. New York Trib'
une.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
Prospective Value of the Wa,

An officer from Louisville led one of
Rosecrans' regiments into battle. his
superior having been called to other
duty. In the advance this mans son
fell by confederate bullet The father
saw him fall, but could not stop to care
for him. Narrating the circumstances,
the bereaved father said, with the
tears fast falling from his eyes:
MY boy, you know, is gone. was
in temporary command of the regi-
ment, and as we were pressing on |
saw my boy fall | could not turn
back to him, so | said to soldier:
Look to Johnny and went on, and
we did the work we went to do"
DO you still hold to the idea you
expressed when you and I talked over
the questions of this war before? Do
you feel now as you did them"
Certainly; I feel we are doing this
work for ourselves and children, and
for those who are to come after US. OF
course, | am very sad, but the cause
is Just the same as before-only more
sacred than ever.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
Preventing a Disturbance.

Colonel Scotchem was weary He
had had very arduous day retreating
from the enemy, and he wished to re-
coup his strength in order that he
might retreat still further on the NOR
row.
MACPHERSON" he said to his new
servant, I'm going to snatch forty
winks' sleep. Stay in my tent and
see that I'm not disturbed"
Mac saluted Five minutes later the
shores of Colonel Scotchem were cut
short by the loud report of a gun.
Great Scott" cried the colonel
"Are the enemy upon us?"
Ma, dinna fret" replied Mac, in
sorting his head reassuringly through
the tent flap, 'it was only wee
mousie. But as 1 thought he might
wake you up shot him" Answers
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
THE ANNUAL ADVANCE,

Advance styles in bonnets,
Advance styles in dress,
Advance styles in jackets
They cause Us distress.
Advance modes in fabrics,
Advance styles in lace,
Advance styles IN slippers
They lengthen the face.
Advance styles in ribbons
For trimming or sash
1t all means that papa
Advances more cash.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
JUST FEMINIST THE HILL"
Little Pointer for Those Who Feel a
Desire to Seek the State of
Matrimony.

The state Of Matrimony is one Of
the United States. It is bounded by
kissing and hugging on one side and
cradles and babies on the other. Its
chief products are population, broom
sticks and staying out at night. 1t
was discovered by Adam and Eve
while trying to find a Northwest pas
sage out of Paradise. The climate is
sultry until you pass the tropics of
housekeeping. when squally weather
commonly sets in with such power as
to keep all hands as cool as cucum-
bers. For the principal roads leading
to this interesting state, consult the
first pair of blue eyes you SEEK
change.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
You Never Can Tell,

A certain 'cellist was once snow
bound for three hours at a small rail-
road station. He unpacked his cello
and played his dozen fellow sufferers
a request program with the result that
one of them took him to Europe for a
year. You never can tell as you bear
your precious fiddle-case through the
streets what magic easement may not
open on the foam (of steins), and
what fairy hand may not beckon you
within to do the one thing needful to
opus fifty-nine, or draw a valiant bow
in the battle of Schumann quintet
Robert H. Schaufiier, in the Atlantic.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
ITCHED so COULD NOT SLEEP

Il suffered from the early part of
December until nearly the beginning
OF March with severe skin eruptions
on my face and scalp. At first /
treated it as a trivial matter. But
after having used CASTLE soap, medi-
Gated Washrags, cold cream, vanish
ing cream, ETC., found no relief what
ever. After that l diagnosed my case
as eczema, because Of it's dry, scaly
appearance. The itching and burning
of my scalp became so intense that
thought I should go mad, having not
slept regularly for months past. only
at intervals, waking up now and then
because of the burning and itching of
my skin. Having read different tes-
tfmonials of cures by the Cuticura
Remedies, decided to purchase box
Of Cuticura Ointment and cake of
Outicura Soap. After using them for
few days I recognized a marked
change in my condition. I bought
about two boxes of Cuticura Ointment
and five cakes Of Cuticura Soap in all,
and after few days l was entirely
free from the itching and burning.
My eczema was entirely cured, all
due to using Cuticura Soap and Oint-
ment daily. Hereafter I will never
be without a cake of Cuticura Soap on
my washstand. I highly recommend
the Cuticura Remedies to anyone suf-
fering from similar skin eruptions and
hope you will publish my letter so
that others may learn of Cuticura
Remedies and be cured" (Signed)
David M. Shaw, care Paymaster, Pier
SO, N. R., New York City, June 2, 1910.
Cuticura Remedies sold everywhere.
Send to Potter Drug & Chem. Corp,
Boston, for free book on skin and
scalp troubles
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

fixed, take the eggs out, as brother
Primmel did, and place them all in
one tub.
Brother Primmel was heaping the
| beautifully tinted eggs in this recep-
tacle. His sleeves were rolled up, but
not only was there a gorgeous min
CLING Of hues on his hands and arms,
but on his sleeves and his shirt bos-
ON, and his face-for it was hot work,
and absent-mindedly he had wiSed
the sweat from his brow sereral
times. And thoughtfulIy he had tug
ged at his sidewhiskers on occasion.
so that the starboard whisker was a
medley of blue, green and purple,
while the larboard one Haunted an
assortment of red, brown and ma
genta to the breeze With the malice
of accident, a neat daub of red
adorned his pale, temperate nose.
Timing the visit with due malevo-
lence, brother Tsnmore had asked the
widow Bithers to accompany him to
brother Primmel's home and see how
the eggs had turned out.
They rounded the corner of the
house and came to the back porch
while Primmel was lifting the last
batch of eggs to the tub He looked
up, saw them, and noted the fendish
gle with which brother Tanmore
viewed him, as well as the repressed
emotion with which sister Bithers
looked upon him. In his embarrass-
ment he STEPPED into a bucket of pur-
pie dye, stumbled and fell with his
load Of eggs. To fall with a peck Of
eggs is no casual occurrence, dear
reader, but to fall with that armfui Of
eggs, tripping into q bucket of purple
dye and from that into a dishpan full
of green dye and then to carom head
first into a tub filed with eggs of all
colors-and all ages-is not mishap.
1t is a calamity, a colossal, catas-
trophic calamity!
Mr.. Primmel yelled as he fell, but
yells are of no avail in such circum-
stances.
Mr.. Tanmore howled with laughter
He felt that his purpose had been &C.
complished. Mrs. Bithers giggled!
Did you break 'em all, Eliza ."
brother Tanmore asked, between
gasps for breath.
Eliza Primmels eyes took on
blaze they never before had shown.
He glanced at the heap of broken
eggs, and saw one whole one. He
grabbed that
''All but this one, Lem!" he shout
ed, then let it drive full, fair and
forcibly into Tanmore's face. 1t
popped like a cannon when it struck
and the state of Tanmore was some
thing awful.
And then Eliza PrimmeTs spirit
took unto itself full growth, and he
stood on his back porch and delivered
an extemporaneOus address tc
LemueI Tanmore that was nine parts
heavy language and one part personal
illusions.
Mrs. Bithers fed, and Tanmore
made his way from the yard mutely,
leaving Primmel still speaking to the
world in general.
mat nlSnt trimmer caIIeQ on Mrs.
Bithers-not to apologize He had
got his growth. He walked into her
house and told her he had waited
long enough. When would they be
married? Without allowing her to
think. he named the day himself.
And every time she fries eggs for
Elias breakfast she huns love song.
Eliza has shaved off his side whiskers
and learned to smoke.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
ROYAL Humility.

The most interesting ceremony ..
Holy Week at Madrid Is the "washtns
of the feet" at the royal palace. On
Maundy Thursday, in accordance with
an ancient Spanish custom, in imt
tation Of the washing of the feet
Of the poor by Christ {see John
xii, 5, 34, the King of Spain
washes the feet of Il poor men, ano
afterward serves them with his own
hands to a mammoth feast. The idea
of this is to show that the king is nc
better than the meanest of his sub
jects, and to prove it by an exchange
as it were. Of places for few hour,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
The Silent Oath.

The custom of marking ones sigma
ture by cross was first adopted by
Christians in the year 10. to distin-
guish them from the pagans, and It
stood for a silent oath
The eaTly Christians Immediately
used this sign, which was connected
with their religion, as secret mes
age to one another In their first days
Of persecution. Mingling with the per
secutors of their faith they could
thus make themselves known to each
other without calling the attention of
those around them. In visiting the
Catacombs in Rome, where they hid
from fear of their prosecutors. 1t is In
tensely interesting to note that the
sign so sacred to them is carved and
engraven all around the walls of their
prison cells and above the tombs OF
their brethren
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
TRAIN LOAD AFTER
TRAIN LOAD OF
SETTLERS
ARE GOING TO CENTRAL CANADA

The question Of reciprocal trade re-
lations between the United States and
Canada has provoked considerable
discussion and interest Whatever
else the discussion may have done, it
has brought out the fact that on the
Canadian side of the line the agri-
cultural situation is one that forces
attention, and it has also brought forth
the fact which it is well to face, that
on the American side Of the border,
there is a vastly increasing popula-
ton to be fed with d somewhat de-
Creasing proportion Of food products.
This article is intended to point out
to those who may wish to become Of
those who can raise wheat oats, bar
ley, fax, cattle and hogs at the least
cost that the opportunities in Central
Canada are what they are seeking.
During the past year the official fig
ures show that upwards of 10000
Americans located in Canada, and the
greatest majority of these have settled
on farms, and when the time comes,
which it will within few years, they
viii be ready to help serve their par
ent country with the food stuffs that
its increasing population will require.
The immigration for the spring has
now set in in great earnest, and train
load after train load of a splendid
class OF settlers leave weekly from
Kansas City, Omaha Chicago, De
trOit, st. Paul and other points. Most
of these are destined through to points
in Manitoba, Saskatchewan and Al
berta. The reports that come from
the different farming districts there
are that the spring is opening up well,
and the prospects for splendid crop
this year are very good. In some dis
tricts good homesteads are yet avail
able The price Of all farm lands has
naturally had an increase, but it is
still away below it's earning capacity.
The immigration branch Of the Domin-
ion Government has just published its
1911 illustrated pamphlet, which may
be secured on application to the De
partment of the Interior, Ottawa,
Canada, or any Of the agents of the
Dominion Government, whose adver-
tisement may appear elsewhere in this
paper.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
An Ambassadors Nose

An ambassador to Russia, formerly
a leather merchant in this country.
discovered certain secret processes re-
garding a special kind of leather man
ufactured there. He would have been
looked on with suspicion had it been
suspected that he could learn any
thing of these methods. But during
his sojourn he got near enough to GER
tain factories to register, through his
sense of smell, some impressions with
which he was able to work out the
formulas when he returned home
Atlantic Magazine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

And 1 think it is positively brutal
of you to talk as you do just because
l spent what l did for the bonnet, !"
continues the wife. And I am going
right home to mother, SC there"
Il wouldn't If I were you" replies
the husband. without looking up from
his paper.
20, Of course you wouldn't"
We'll, your father telephoned me
that your mother is angry with him
because he thinks she paid too much
for her bonnet, and that she is pack
ing her trunk to come and live with
YOU"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
HIS IMPRESSION.

"Our landlady has a cabinet of
rare antiques" observes the star
boarder,
Il suppose so" says the new board
er, regarding his Easter egg with
some concern.
Eyes, it is in the corner of the
parlor."
I'm the parlor? Why, I thought it
must be in the pantry"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
LIKE A LAMB TO SLAUGHTER

Where is that new dress you had
made to wear today?" asks the hus-
band when his wife announces that
she is ready for church.
"I-I-you see, dear, she con-
fesses, "the cook was angry and
threatened to quiet, SO I gave 1t to
her to pat her in a good humor and
get her to stay awhile longer With
us"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

SASKATOON'S district has never
known crop failure, even in most adverse
seasons. Hence the prosperity of our
Hence the fact that Saskatoon's population
has jumped from l13 to over l6, 900 in less
than seven years. We have lots of land
Why not keep the family together by get
ling some for yourself and the boys? For
al information, write Commissioner, Board
If Trade, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. West
I'm Canada
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
MERELY A GAME.

Harold, if l hear you talking to
your sister again as did just now |
shall have to whip you even harder
Where in the world did you pick up
such bad language?"
Wasn't picking bad language. We
was playing Easter dress"
Playing what?"
Easter dress. It's a new game,
She was my wife and wanted to get
a new dress"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
He Mioht Have Earned a Vote

Little Johnnie stood gazing solemn
ly on the decrepit form of an old
countryman. Noticing the boys atten-
ton the old man asked: We'll, what
is 1t, SOM"
Say" the inquisitive youngster
asked, did the politicians kiss you
when you was a baby Success
Magazine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
The Awakening,

First Tragedian-Ah: deah boyl The
chance of my life came last night.
Izzacstein offered me thirty shillings
week to play Hamlet. The contract
was drawn up, he lent me his foun-
tain pen to sign with, when
Second Tragedian-You woke up.
First agedian-Damme How did
you know?
Second ragedian-By the salary,
my pippin. I've dreamed like that
myself-Punch
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
An Individualist,

The reason for the individual drink
ing cup had been explained again and
again to the children and they had
become sturdy supporters Of the
idea.
SO it was not surprising to hear
Henry calling; Ma, MAJ Melville's
got my individual applet"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

N. c. Goodwin, the comedian. was
condemning new comedy at a dinner
in New York
Its climax" he said, us false and
unsatisfactory false and unsatis-
factory as RowndaTs excuse.
On Rowndar's return at a very late
hour, his wife said reproachfully:
You used to VOW l was the sun
shine of your life, but now you stay
out night after night
Well, my love, said Rowndar, I
don't ask for sunshine after dark"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
Spring Debility

Felt by SO many upon the return of warm weather
is due to the impure, impoverished, devitaIzed
condition of the blood which causes that tired
feeling and loss of appetite as well as the pmpIes
bols and other eruptions SO common at this season
tits cured by the great constitutional remedy
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
Different.

A young man is disguised when he
finds his sister doesn't know the name
of the governor of the state. but when
the sweet young thing il the next
block discloses the fact that she
doesn't know the state has governor
he goes down on his knees to her
sweet femininity.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
Not RESPONSIBLE.

Teacher-You are late every morn
ing.
Pupil-Weu, it isn't my fault that
you didn't build your blamed old
school house nearer my home.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
EASTER SENTIMENTS


thusiastic cheers, and, as it was a
sure sign that they were affianced by
divine will and their welded life
would be one Of great bliss, they bow
ed to the fates that ordained il so,
and in the sentiment of the romance
they were married and lived happily
ever after"
But at no time in the early devel-
opment of the card was the religious
or spiritual side lost sight of. In fact,
this side was elaborated upon.
This is a specimen of sacred verse
on the back of an Easter card of
twenty years ago:
Round these and thine may loves white
wings
Be spread this holy morn
May every JOY that true love brings
For thee this day be born!
The Lord this morn hath risen, 10!
Where late a shadow lay;
Now eastward streams loves Easter glow
Chasing all gloom away
Rejoice, o may that love new horn
On earth this morning shed
Round thee and thine this holy morn
In naiowed peace be spread
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
IInnrnnressIve Snain.

Despite the fact that 1t possesses
coal fields covering more than 400
square miles, Spain imports more than
10000, 900 worth Of fuel each year.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
GETTING the Worst of 1t.

"Bliggins isn't very lucky in driving
bargains"
NO, He says he can't even change
his own mind without getting the
worst of the deal"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
His Hope,

Il suppose" the beautiful girl said,
you write for the mere love OF
writing?"
Yes the sad looking poet replied,
but l still hope to some day be able
% write for at least fifteen cents a
ne."-Judge.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

I have often wondered how it comes
to pass that everybody should love
himself best, and yet value his neigh.
boris opinion about himself more than
his own-Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

That many-headed lady must have
been one who got her wish about
wearing all the spring bonnets in the
world at once
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

Full life exists in three dimensions.
art in two, and science in one; like a
solid, superf1cies, and a line.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

You are not treating yourself or your
family fairly if you don't keep Hanlins
Wizard Oil in the house. It's the best
substitute for family doctor and a mighty
good friend in case of emergency.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

4 bargain is a bonnet that Is toe
high for any one else to buy or SC
cheap that nobody else would look
at It.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

The pleasure of love is in loving
We are happier in the passion we feel
than in that we inspire.-Francis Due
de Rochefaucauld.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

Excuse US, but ringing the Easret
belle is not always a preliminary ak.
nouncement of the coming Of tbs
June bride
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

Set yourself earnestly to see what
you were made to do, and then set
yourself earnestly to do it.-Phillips
Brooks.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething softens the gums, reduces iuhamma-
ton, allays pain. cures wind collie, 25c a bottle.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
TIRED OF THEM.

why doesn't your brother go to
church this morning and see all the
pretty bonnets and frocks?"
Hes a window trimmer"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets regulate
and invigorate stomach, liver and bowels.
Sugar-eoated, tiny granules, easy to take
as candy.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

An institution must be propped up
by precedent when it is no more up
lifted by sap,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

Garfield lea will win your approval. tt
is pleasant to take, mild in action and very
health-giving. 1t overcomes constipation.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

We always like those who admire
US; we do not always like those whom
we admire-Francis Due de Roche
faucauld.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13

one size smaller after using Allen Foot Ease the
Anttseptic powder TO be shaken into the shoes. It
makes tight or new shoes fee easy Gives rest and
comfort Refuse substitutes. For FREE TRIAL
package, address Allen s. Olmsted. lie Roy, N. z.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-04-13
Hoods SarsapariIIa

which effects its wonderful simply contains apar
but because combines the remedial values twenty
different ingredients There real substitute Hoods Sarsapaa
If urged buy preparation said us good YOU NAV be sure
INFERIOR less make yields dealer larger profit