The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-12-31
UMBRELLA A BADGE
OF RESPECTABILITY
Atmosphere Which 1t Con-
fers Upon Its Owner.

You are annoyed said the little
man with the green hat, land I an
] rather puzzled about the reason"
must confess that this conversational
effort on the part of a stranger did moi
loosen my annoyance. The little man had
sat down opposite me at the table and
had not ceased gazing at me, twirlins
his futile little mustache in a pompous
manner.
You, would be annoyed" said I, ''lt
you had just lost a very valuable UNI
brella."
What he cried, endeavoring to gel
as far away from me as possible, "ar
umbrella! But you don't look like it,
/ was rather at loss to understand him
81 fail to grasp your meaning" 1 said
with some severity. The matter, fear
was too simple. I put it in the hat
stand, went TO wash my hands, and II
was gone"
He smiled reassuringIy. An he said
giving his green hat a sharp turn. 81
thought I couldn't be mistaken in you
Your face"
Il will trouble you said 1. Ito allow
me to eat without intruding your per-
sonalities upon my digestion
Pardon me-" he said. Pardon me
indeed, OF course you 60 not realize
the significance of the umbrella"
Afraid I don't" l said What is it?''
AN umbrella" retorted the little man,
senteniously. is a peripatetic guarantee
of responsibility. 1t confers on its owner
an air of innocence and childlike SIM
pliCity."
.'Yes?" I said.
Precisely. Now" said he. what two
classes. with the exception of church
wardens. monopolize the crime of the
country"
Give it up" said l.
Why" he retorted, gleefully, burglars
and lawyers. You can't go anywhere
without meeting a lawyer or a burglar
they're as thick as leaves in somewhere,
as your poet observes"
Yes. see" said I, but what has that
to do with umbrellas -
Your great philosopher, Gilbert" said
the little man, observed that the cut
throat when not occupied in crime, is
open to humanzing sentiment. Now, your
burglar or your solicitor, realizing the
educative influence of the umbrella, in
variably carries one, in the hope of i'm
proving himself"
Isn't that rather far-fetched?" 1 ask
ed.
This" said the little man, sis no time
for fppanCy. Your burglar. though
armed with MS umbrella, is, unfortunate
ly, subject to occasional lapses. When
the impulse to hurgle comes upon him he
throws off the veneer of virtue which he
has assumed and with it goes the UNI
brella"
And the SOLICITOR" I added.
In like wise" replied my companion.
THE solicitor has moments of weakness
when he forgets-perhaps in a railway
cOach-what is due to responsibility, and
sees himself embezzIing with success
The mental picture is so vivid that he
loses himself in pernicious thought-and
thus the umbrella is left behind. Thou
sands are sold yearly. I am told
80. then. I, in losing-"I began.
quite So" said the little man, reasur-
ingly; "a mere accident in your case. 1
had at first been a little apprehensive.
Hence, referring to our discussion, the
number of lost umbrellas depends upon
the number Of burgarlaries and the weak
moments of lawyers
Very ingenious" I said.
That" 1 replied. lis nothing. I have
several"
But called for my waiter and paid my
bill, feeling that l could not stand more
explanations at one meal.