davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10
A STUDENT JOKE.
Conspiracy of SIIence That Put ths
Professor In q Panic.

Professor Elias Loomis for man
years occupied the chair OF astrono
my at Yale and was the author Of
the well known series of mathemat-
ical text books.
Professor Loomis repeated each
year to the junior class a course of
lectures on physics. The lectures
were illustrated by experiments,
and in one on compressed air he
explained the principle of the well
known air gun.
The students of each succeeding
class as they entered the room for
this particular lecture found on the
side of the room remote from the
platform a small target. After eI-
planning the -eperation of the gun
Professor Loosnis was In the habit
of landing three of its projectiles
with mathematical accuracy in the
center of the bullseye-
The professor was always ap-
plauded for this feat, but his grim
face, covered by tightly drawn
skin of parchment hue, never show
ed the slightest sign of qualification
or recognition Of any kind. To him
it was apparently only scientific
experiment to be exactly demon
strated.
One class of Juniors, however,
who had learned of the immemorial
incident from the then seniors, at
tempted a little experiment. of
their own, ,s%he subject being nnthe-
matical and scientific human ma
ture.
Three pufs from the air gun, and,
although the students saw that the
bullseye was perforated as usual,
there was not. a sound Of applause.
Professor Loomis looked moment
at the class in a startled way, then
at the target, AID then, with de-
gree of emotion he had never be-
fore shown, exclaimed:
Didn't it hit? Didn't it hit?
Didn't it hit ?"
4 roar Of lauahter, followed by
even more thar the usual applause,
showed the professor that he had
not lost his mathematical accuracy.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10
Ought to Be Thankful.

doctor" growled the patient,
"it seems to me that $500 is big
charge for that operation of mine.
1t didn't take you over half min
ute"
'My dear sir" replied the famous
specialist, "in learning to perform
that operation in half a minute ]
have spoiled over eleven pecks Of
sach eyes as yours. Success Mag
azine.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10

Whoeve~ knows anything about
the small -. and his pride in his
first pair Oh t-ousers viii recognize
the truth of story the Philadel-
phia Ledger prints.
Tommy w2s At Sunday school in
his first "rcai" = othes. \ picture
of "a lot of lily angels was before
the class, and the. teacher asked
Tommy If lie would not like to be
one.
mo, ma'am," replied Tommy
after inspecting the picture.
'Not want to be an angel, Tom
N.Y. reproached the teacher. ''Why
not?"
"'Cause I'd have to. give up. MN
nsw panta" said Tommy ssee ,
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10

Mrs. Aristocrat-Did you hear
what Mrs. Nouveau Richie said to
me at the concert this evening?
Mrs. Wellborn-No, my dear; do
tell me all about it.
Mrs. Aristocrat-Well, she in
formed me that she had decided to
have a nom-de-plume in her hat.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10
The Resemblance.

A promising young merchant re-
Gently presented his better half
With a handsome piano lamp as a
birthday gift. He was much fiat
tered when she told him to give it
his name until he asked her rea-
sons for so peculiar a proceeding.
"Well," said she, ''you know,
dear, it has a good deal of brass
about it, it is handsome to look at,
requires good deal Of attention, is
remarkably brilliant, is sometimes
unsteady. on its legs, liable to ex-
plode wien only half full, flares up
occasionally, is always out at bed
time and is bound TO smoke. -
london Tit-Bits.
Why He Bolted.
At one of the London clubs one
evening Mr. Montagu Williams met
Lord -. who had just lost his fa-
ther. The young lord Was naturally
melancholy, and the lawyer pro-
posed visiting a theater opposite,
which proposition was accepted.
There was a slight fire in the thea
ter, whereupon the young lord was
among the first to bolt, like a rab-
bit" out of the building. Return
IL =; elv - c'lb, Mr.. VIII
Gae~ oung friend
quiatN >.t oa,.
What c.. r'a you bolt
ina way: i frightened
OFT - ycat -. ,ta licult mat
to- r.t.ig3 j. .on't you .1now that
o. -sra a occasion if everybody
got ~ rushed out panic would
ens'y a very likely fatal conse-
que1e Why on earth couldn't
yoA. III, as 1 did? There was
notA serious the matter" Upon
this, With the most patronizing air,
The yong gentlemaa replied. ~Oh,
yes, that's very WEI for yoa. but
you've not just succeeded to peer
age and 100000 year
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10
Simple Remedy.

A lady journalist who conducted
a page devoted to feminine interests
was Ill, and a male member of the
editorial staff did duty as her dep
uty. He soon distinguished himself.
A correspondent inquired how
grease MIGHT best be removed from
soup. lie read it hurriedly, noticing
only that it vas an inquiry for the
removal of grease. This was his
answer; Soak a soft cloth In gaso-
line and rub gently till the grease is
eradicatedW
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10
I,w Ne u:ulred Trouble.

"JcL~sat.on,' said the man who
had heen sued for breach of prom
Use. 8. the root Of all evil"
''Iiow so:' asked the man who
had not been SIZED and consequent
Is could not reason from the Same
premises.
IL hadn't been able to write"
answered the defendant, "what evil
dence Go YOU suppose they would
have against me?" Still, he con-
cedcd after some argument that the
man who can write and won't has
some advantages over tha nan who
doesn't write because can't
Chicago Post
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10

Cnatty Old Gentleman las they pass
3e asyluml-We get IN excellent view
Z the asylum from the railway.
ESCAPED Lunatic-Ah. but 20 ought
o sea ths railway from the ssyiumj-
- Ia
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10

Dy. S',ian-M-ili tie patient stand an
,per:;.ian
I'r - t1;uk not-from the looks
If tn $ ~ picture. - Harper's
W~"kiy
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10
Exasperatinu.

From the dark kitchen there en-
unated a series Of thumps and angry
exclamations. Jones was looking
for the eat.
"Paw called the son from the
stairway.
"Go to bed and let me aloneY
blurted Jones. I've just barked
my shins."
"Paw insisted Tommy after a
moments silence.
"Well, what is it? Didn't I tell
you to keep quiet?"
'G-I didn't hear your shins
bark"
And the next moment Tommy
was being pursued By an angry sire
with = hard hairbrush. - Chicago
News.
me Courr rainIers-
ga movement was on foot for
the alliance of King Charles of
Wurttemberg and the Grand Ouch
ess Olga of Russia" said an artist.
can emissary of the Russian court
came to the young king, laid certain
proposals before him and submitted
a portrait in oils of the royal lady.
King Charles, after close scrutiny,
said:
"This portrait flatters over
much. The eyes-are too large and
brilliant, the hair too abundant, the
complexion too nowerhke and the
neck and arms too beautiful alto
gether.'
But, your majesty said the as
tonished Russian, you do not know
the grand duchess
"'No,' said the kiEg, but l know
court painters.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10
: ship Of Ancestors.
nal force that DO
Chin

Chin ship Of Ancestors.
The OIL ual force that DOM
mates eve of societv in Chi
na is ance soeship. III the Chi
nese relic - Is 70 other that
can take a"e fcr moment. \
man ma nay not worship idols.
He may cg,scss his utter skeptic-
ism abe e o. profess belief in
them. - &c cares what he
thinks. Let nm. however, neglect
the worsh;p 81 the dead and he is
I0OhCU Up'I '-III T'JII-CtI 90 VIII
the bitterc5; scorl both by his own
relations md ~ h:s neighbors. Tho
worst tau ut tie heather can
hurl ag '.e Christian, and the
one thet i-s him most, is the
sneering sta,c-aent that he has no
ancesto-s. -s.-New J ork Tribuae.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10
Getting What's Coming to Him.

Innkeeper-That chronic kicker Bel
ger is sitting over there.
Waiter-Yes, sir.
Innkeeper-See that he gets a bad
dinner. he shan't always grumble for
ng.-Meggendorfer Batter.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10

--v-~----~-
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1911-11-10

Professor Elias Loomis for man
years occupied the chair OF astrono
my at Yale and was the author OF
the well known series of mathemat-
ical text books.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

When Rev. Clemens was here
last November from his home in
Ellsworth, he said the citizens of Wa
Keeney ought to be exceedingly
grateful to our present City Fathers
for giving us such a splendid system
of both water and light, as it is far
ahead in both quantity and quality
of any along the road between here
and very much better than they had
in Ellsworth, and that we were get
ting both at about half price of what
they were paying, and that it showed
that somebody had taken lots of
careful pains and good deal of labor
and trouble to bring about such a
good system of both.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01
DEEDS, NOT WORDS
People Have Absolute
Froof of Deeds at Home.

It's not words but deeds that prove
true merit.
The deeds of Doan's Kidney Pills,
For Wa-Keeney kidney sufferers,
Have made their local reputation.
Proof lies in the testimony of
Wa-Keeney people who have been
cured to stay cured.
Mrs. D. A. Henkel, Warren ST.,
Wa-Keeney, Kans., says: "For sever
al weeks 1 suffered from lameness
across my back and at times there
was dull, throbbing pain through
my kidneys. When 1 saw Doan's
Kidney Pills advertised, / got box
at Gibson's Drug Store and the first
few doses relieved me. One of my
friends has also received great bene-
fit from Doan's Kidney Pills." State
ment given April Ii, 1907.)
CONFIRMED PROOF
On July 7, 1910, Mrs. Henkel said
Il am pleased to re-endorSe Doan'S
Kidney Pills for / think more highly
of them than ever. During the past
year / have had no need of kidnet
medicine and have enjoyed the besy
of health
For sale by all dealers. Price so
cents Foster-Milburn Co.. Buffalo,
New York, sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-Doan's- and
take no other.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01
OFFICIAL COUNTY PAPER
SATURDAY. APRIL 1, 1911

Every good citizen of Wa-Keeney
cannot help feeling little justifable
pride when outsiders come into our
town and remark: What pretty
little city you have here. What
pretty homes, broad streets, fine
walks, trees, lawns and public build
ings, besides the later improvements
of telephone, city water and electric
lights" Perhaps it may be, of in
terest to many of our readers to know
that from Salina to Denver we are
the best lighted town. 1t is COM
mented on the trains among strangers
and visitors from other places that
Wa-Keeney possesses the best and
most brilliant lighting system of any
town of its size and larger in the
state and best of all the city owns it's
plant and isn't burdened to the limit
of its purse strings as is Hays at the
present time, which does not own its
own light plant and isn't out of debt
for its water plant and is shouldered
with sewerage that is threatening to
put them in debt for the next half
century. The municipal manage
AlChO VI Jul llSAlS anu water nave
been carried on conservatively and
carefully and it does seem to us that
if we didn't have any local pride we
would go out and borrow a little.
We admit that an advance in taxes
is pretty hard proposition if you
can't see any results, but everybody
says our water and light plants can't
be beat and add so materially to the
town that even the pessimistic indi-
Nidual that says everything is going
to the bow-bows has to Reluctantly
admit it. Quit knocking get to
boosting, one or two fellows can't do
it all-say its alright whether YOU
think so or not and see how much
better things will look to you after
wards Get out of the old ruts and
move forward for improvement and
betterment of your own home town
help to lift and don't knock.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

A fashion note of interest to men
in the Manhattan Mercury: Smiley
SchimkowitSch who sets the fashion
for Manhattan men was out in his
spring outfit last night and it may
now be announced with authority
what will be the prevailing fashions
for men for the coming season. Mr.
Schimkowitsch, s suit is nearly cream
colored and the coat is extremely long.
fitting tightly as to the waist and
fiaring decidedly as to the tail. The
trousers are more than ample with
an astonishing turn-up. Mr.. Schim-
kowitsch's cravat, handkerchief and
sox were of a decided purple and
matched. His shirt was blue and his
shoes were of patent leather, gor-
geous with golden star, gold laces and
gilt soles. But the browning glory
was the hat, which was worn rakish-
ly over the left ear The brim turned
smartly up in front and shot precipi-
tously down in the back and in color
was the reddest red known to the
dyer's art. 1t would be well to see
Mr. Sehimkowitsch's get-up before
buying your Raster Topeka
Journal.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01
Shunfopavi

Shungopavi, the mystic Moqui In
dian will give an entertainment at
Ogallah, Kansas, Monday evening.
April 10, 1911 Shungopavi speaks
English with the fiuency of scholar
as well as several other languages; he
appears in full Indian regalia, his
evening is well devoted to the history
and legends of his race, with nice in
terspersement of Indian magic. His
entertainment is educational as well
as intensely interesting and dramatic.
You will certainly enjoy this evening
of mystery and history. Come and
bring your friends.
Tickets for sale at the Ogallah
State Bank, Ogallah. Kansas Adults
so cents; children 25 cents. Commit
tee.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

Chinese rice paper. said Lord Redes
dale in his address before the Royal
Photogra phic society, had no rice
whatever in its composition. That
curiously brittle. pure white material
used for the marvellous drawings of
Chinese artists was manufactured from
the nth of a tree peculiar to Formosa.
His lordship also stated that the
first paper was never made of raw cot
ton. The Chinese did not use Il. and
history began with the making of rag
paper, both in Arabia more than ten
centuries ago. and also in Europe when
the Crusaders, having brought the in
dustry westward. the Srst paper manu-
factory was established in the last
years of the thirteenth century.-west-
minister Gazette.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

w. E. Saum, attended court here
last week: he had just returned from
Florida where he spent several
weeks, looking over the state. He
went down there with draft to pur-
chase 10000 acres of land but did not
invest. He says he would not give a
section of Trego county land for all
the state of Florida, that is vacant
He says that all of Florida that is
worth or ever will be worth anything
has been under cultivation for the
last 100 years. He was more than
disguised with the conditions. He
says that the Land companies who
have this vast amount of land for
sale, and are selling at from $50 to
800 per acre, are giving their agents
as much as SIS per acre commission.
This does settle it. We have often
wondered at some people booming
Florida, but the hope of getting SIS
per acre commission is some induce
ment. Saum says he would not rec
ommend any one to buy any of that
Florida land for the purpose of occu-
plying it. 1t is no account and never
will be.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01
First published March p, 1911
Treasurer's Final Notice
County Treasurer ONCE,
Wa-Keeney, KanS.. Mar

Wa-Keeney. Kans.. March %, 1910
Notice is hereby given that the land and
town lots described in the following list were
sold on the 9Th day of Septem Der, 1908, for the
Unpaid taxes of 1907 The period of redemp-
ton will expire September 5, 1911. The
amount set opposite each tract of land and
each town lot includes the tax charges to-
gether with interest computed to the last day
of redemption and fees for pu bliShing, but
does not include the tax of 1910 unless the
amount of same is Endorsed on the for sale
certificate at this date.
The names set opposite each tract of land
town lot to whom it was assessed are cor
rect according to the tax roll of 1910
Now, therefore. unless the lands and town
lots are redeemed on or before Septembe s.
1911. the same shall be conveyed to the pur-
chaSers, their heirs or assigns, as prescribed
by law G. w. Marshall,
County Treasurer
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

Last Saturday evening Shungopavi,
the educated Indian lecturer and en-
tertainer. made his second appear
ance at the court house. To say that
Shungopavi is interesting is putting
it mildly-he is far more than that
in an educational sense, for he opens
up broad field for thought such as
many speakers never do, for he is
able to place his finger on the vital
spots concerning his own people in a
way that the white man will never
hope to- He is intelligent, refined,
witty and is a remarkable linguist.
Those who missed this number. with
out doubt missed one of the best if
not the best entertainment this
season All who attended were de-
lighted with Shungopavi and hope
he will come again
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

Bring your cream to Star Grocery;
we have an experienced operator.
Check next day after cream is re-
ceived. 2-tf
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

storms have been prevalent during
the last week
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01
For Sale

Good heavy young team. single har-
ness, seed oats, seed barley.
4S-tf J. T. w. Cloud.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

Maximum and minimum tempera-
ture according to the government
thermometer at Wa-Keeney for the
week ending Wednesday noon
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

This is the paper to advertise in
1t goes into 400 homes.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01
Bob
Grade Belgian Stallion

DISQUALIFICATION is bay: 5 years old; weight
1900: good style and action.
Bob will make the season of 1911 follows
Tuesday and Wednesday of each week the
farm of Thomas Spena, 6 miles south and y
miles west of Wa-keeney; balance of week at
the farm of Geo. Hafiiger, formerly the Chas.
Delany farm. miles south and mile west
of Wa-keeney.
Terms 500 to insure colt to stand land suck.
Mares disposed of removed from the
neighborhood will be considered with foal
and owner must pay service fee. Mare and
colt will stand good for service of the horse
Care will be taken to prevent accident but
Will not be responsible should any occur-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

For Sale-Seed barley at my farm
3 IL miles northwest of Ogallah. T..
B. Hays.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

For Sale-Rose-comb Rhode Island
red eggs; one dollar for fifteen w.
d. Stephens. SIT
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

For Sale-Good alfalfa hay on Heck
man ranch. Inquire of j. III. Heck
| man 2
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

For Sale-Pure bred Rose Comb
Rhode Island Red eggs for sale;
setting of Is eggs, IS ceutS; $3.50
per hundred. inquire of Mrs. w
ii. George, Ellis Kansas 81
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01

For Sale-2OO egg incubator, near
" new, very reliable hatcher, matches
over 80 per cent of the eggs Mrs. FL.
w. Finch, phone 81. 2-4t
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1911-04-01
Want Column

For Rent-Farm south of town.
known as the Mummert farm Call
on John Frank, or Frank O'Neil,
owner.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-04-16
GERMANS SHOULD STUDY
ENGLISH TREATRICALS
(sneciaI Cable to Tho Times Dispatch. ]

tSpecial Cable TO Tho Times Dispatch
Berlin. April 15.-Herr Paul Harms,
rho is engaged on voyage Of dis
covery for the Bnrllner Tagcblatt In
London. writes that II Is high time for
Germans to cultivate more Intelligent
impression of English theatrical lifo
lie is not prepared to admit that the
London stage has much TO offer or TO
teach Germans, but he Is unreserved
In his admiration of much that he has
seen and heard
Herr Harms thinks London liked
'Sumurun" because II does not make
much appeal TO the soul. On the whole.
what iinprcsses him Is that the Eng
lish regard their theatres as prima rily
for amusement. and not, as he says
the Germans do. as the main essential
in life. "'The theatre is considered in
England simply as one of the possible
forms of evening entertainments"
Heaven Forbid concludes Herr
Harms. that I. as a German. should
dare to maintain that SO revolutionary
theory Is right; but I will say that
1t is decidedly hettcr for the nerves
and for domestic peace"
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-04-16
Our Easy .
Payments
Make Easy
Puyychnsijno
of most of his companions. remembered

of most of his companions. remembered
his bugle.
He stood up on the wall OF the fort.
a living target for the enemy. and
trumpeted his comrades back to tile
charge They went back. and triumph
ed. Men fell like ninepins around him,
bullets whistled past him. but Badot
played on.
HIS courage gave the others courage,
and Balokhoh fell The old man lived
10 tell the story. Honors were hcaped
on him all his life for Malakhoff was
one of his great deeds.
The painter WON painted his por-
trait in The Taking of the Tower"
After the Crimea. where he was
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-04-16

Our stock contains many rcnarLahly at,rac-
tive items in single pieces and matched Dining
Room Sets All the latest designs and finishes al
prices that cannot be cq,lalcd in this city An IN
sPec'ion OF our store will convince YOU OF the tac,
that you can set better values here lan elsewhere
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-04-16
ARTISTIC JEwELnY
MADE BY NATIVES
Especial ca>Se to The Times pisps tch.l

Especial Cane to The Times Disns tchl
London April 15.-Out OF the tor
toise and pearl shells the natives of
Torres Straits, Queensland, make num-
erous ornaments, many OF which nre
worthy place III any jewelers. shop
in London. Hair combs. earrings
finger rings, chains and brooches made
of tortoise shell. and inlnid with
mother-of-pearl are given an artistic
finish. An old knife or a piece of
broken glass and n stone are chiefly
used in the formation OF the various
ornaments In many OF the homes OF
the white residents of thursday Island.
North Queensland, the servicttc rings
arc made of tortoise shell. ornamental
with choice pieces of pearl or silver
or gold filings The tortoise shell.
when heated becomes very pliable, and
can be twisted to any shape required;
and II is when the shell Is In heated
state that the pearl or metal pieces
are jnlaid in the shape OF letters, or
stars, MOON Southern Cross. etc.