The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03
Boards VS.. BALD HEADS
subject Is Debated by -Four Men
Prominent in Public Life.

Washington. May 3.-Whether whis-
kers are greater detriment to a man
than a bald head is still a mooted
question. Four of the ablest men in
public life debated the subject before
J the National Press club here tonight
| The bout was under Marquis of
Queensbury rules and when the bell
rang the referee threw up his hands
| in despair.
| Speaker Champ Clark of the house
| OF representatives, called on in the
emergency, declared he could not see
any use IN either whiskers or bald
head, and referred the whole matter
to the ways and means committee of
the house, which has the wool and
hair schedule under consideration.
The bald headed side of the question
was in the hands of Senator Robert L.
tive Nicholas Longworth of Ohio. The
IchIn curtains found their champions
In former Senator Thomas H. Carter
\ of Montana and Uncle Joe" Cannon
of Illinois. Messrs. Taylor and Long
worth entered the ring amid cheers.
Their hairless domes sparkled be-
meath the radiance of myriad electric
lights. Senator Carter and Uncle
joe" came with their whiskers
combed for the fray The shouts
DR.. pure Food" Wiley of the de-
partment of agriculture was chosen as
| timekeeper and each contestant was
allowed ten minutes. Scott c. Bone
during the hostilities, but gave way to
Speaker Clark at the end.
Nick Leads Of.
Representative Longworth was the
| first speaker. He said he did not be-
lieve that a hair on the head was
worth two on the chin. Neither was
| he willing to assume that a bald head
I-nr0VidRd he C6 he
bald-was in any sense a handicap
either in public or in private life. Mr..
ILongworth claimed that on his birth
day every man has a choice between
| hair and brains.
His choice, he said, was apparent
''The condition of the disputants on
the other side is utterly inexcusab1e,
asserted Mr.. Longworth. fIn olden
days whiskers were xcusable-they
were sworn by, but nowadays they are
only sworn at.
There is no excuse for such wills
kers as those that adorn the chin-or
chest-of the former senator from
Montana. I claim that whiskers are
unsanitary and 1 appeal to the time
keeper to uphold me-"
| The timekeeper promptly called
time.
| Mr.. Longworth insisted he had been
interrupted and that these interrupt
lions should not be taken from his
time. Dr. Wiley insisted that the in
terruptions were the best part of the
argument.
| Senator Carter was introduced as
Exhibit Az for the whiskers.
| mo man." said he, lever voluntarily
wore bald head. A bald head is an
aff1iction, standing joke, a physical
infirmity. We pity, but do not blame
/ our opponents
The senator insisted that the beard
was the real thing. He ridiculed mus
taches and said they first called out
the name of whiskers. as they whisked
back and forth in the breeze.
mo fair maiden he said, lever
feared a promise from a bearded man.
The beard is badge of manhood A
bearded man needs only opportunity.
The first man to cut off boards was
Alexander the Great.
Boards Would stop War.
SIT was a brutal measure of war
lfare-to prevent antagonists from SelZ-
ing the soldiers by the beard. Let us
all wear boards and there will be no
more warfare in this troubled world
of ours.
"There is another thing about the
bald headed man. He naturally goes
Ito prison without previous prepare
ltion. The subject is ready for the
work 1t takes some trouble to pre-
pare bearded man for that unfortun-
ate habitation.
"Our opponents tonight, having
PEELED to take the, side assigned to
them. The bald headed man will be
the butt of jokes from the beginning
to the end"
Senator Taylor, introduced as the
t"ivory pated Moses of the Tennessee
Democracy" said that when Mr.. Can
non was speaker of the house he shook
pestilence and war from his horrid
beard. He dwelt upon the nobility of
the bald peaks of the mountains and
the bald heads of the American eagle
Icircling about them in the azure at
lmosphere. Coming down to bald facts,
he added:
ST have always admired a bald head
as a symbol of purity and innocence"
| Uncle Joe" Cannon said he had
never been funny in his life-at least
not consciously so-quoted from
writer who recently was in Turkey
and who said the saddest man he
found in the empire had a bald head.
He was the harem guard"
When Speaker Clark was called
upon to settle the dispute he said that
"IJncIe joe had protested against his
presence at the party on the ground
that he neither had whiskers nor
bald head. Mr.. Clark insisted that the
reason majority of men no longer
wear whiSkers was because they were
all trying to look like William Jen-
nings Bryan. He raped the Whisker-
ties when he said a good looking man
could afford to have a smooth face,
while an ugly one had better keep his
/ beard.
"Observe, gentlemen" he concluded,
''that L have a smooth face