davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
Definition of True Hun1or.

The sense of humOr is the Saving
sense" principally because it saves US
from ourselves. The person who can
not laugh at himself now and then is
to be pitied. Moreover, the person
who cannot take good naturedIy the
occasional bantering of others is in
the same class of disagreeables. A
well directed shaft of raillery will
often find the vulnerable point in our
armOT of self cOmplacency and show
us where our self satisfaction is all
wrong. True humor. however, must
spring as much from the heart as from
the head. Its essence must be truth
and friendliness, not contempt There
never was a good joke yet that told
lie or besmirched a reputation. Humor
which carries with it a sting to wound
the sensitiVeneSs or delicacy Of one
who does not deserve to suffer is not
true humOr.-San Francisco Chronicle.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
PICKING HUSBANDS.
a Woman's Cynical View of the Ger
man Marriage Market, Where
Men Wait to Be Purchased.

The men in Germany do not marry.
They are married. They are more or
less passive articles of sale, which
stand in rows in the matrimonial shop
window with their price labeled in
large letters in their buttOnhOIe, wait
ing patiently for Il purchaser. They
are perfectly willing, even eager, vic
tins. They want to be bought, but
their position does not allow them to
grasp the initiative, and they are
thankful when at last some one comes
along and declares herself capable and
willing to pay the price.
The girl and her mother, with their
purse in hama, pass the articles in re-
view and choose out the one which
best suits their means and fancy.
= shall marry an officer" one girl
told me some time ago with the easy
confidence of a person about to order
new dress, and, 10 and behold, be-
fore the year was out she was waIkingl
proudly on the arm of a dragoOn lieu
tenant! I even knew of three women
who swOre 20 each other that they
would marry only geniuses, and herel
also they had their will. One married.
a great painter. one a poet and anotherl
a famous diplOmatist. That they were
all three peculiarly unhappy is not q
witness against the system, but a
proof that geLiuses may occasionally
be very uncomfortable partners. In
this case the purchasers were rich and
popular and could therefore make their
choice. Others of lesser means would
have had to content themselves with
an officer, cavalry or infantry, accord
ing to the dot" or a lawyer, or a doc.
tor, or a merchant, and so on down
the scale.-Miss Wylie's MY German
Year"
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
THE Big DIPPER.
1t Is the Hour Hand of the Woodman's
Celestial Clock.

1t Is the Hour Hand of the Woodman's
Celestial Clock.
The pole star is really the most i'm
portant of the stars ir our sky. 1t
marks the north at all times. 1t alone
is fixed in the heavens. All the other
stars seem to swing around it once in
twenty-fOur hours.
But the pole star of POlaris is not a
very bright one, and it would be hard
to identify but for the help of the so
called pointers in the Big Dipper," or
Great Bear" The outer rim of the
dipper points nearly to PoIaris at a
distance equal to three times the space
that separates the two stars of the
dipper's outer side. Various Indians
called the pole star the Home Star"
and the Star That Never Moves" and
the dipper they call the Broken Back"
The Great Bear" is also to be remem-
bered as the pointers for another rea-
son. 1t is the hour hand Of the wood
mans clock. 1t goes once around the
north star in about twenty-fOur hours,
the reverse way of the hands of
watch-that is, it goes the same way
as the sun-and for the same reason
that it is the earth that is going and
leaving them behind-COuntry Life
In America.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
ODDLY EXPRESSED.

Queer Ways In Which Ideas Are
Sometimes Put Into Words.
Curious ways of expressing ideas in
English may be expected from foreign
ers, as, for instance, when the French
man, who made a call in the country
and was about to be introduced to the
family, said: "Ah, ze ladies'! Zen I
would before, if you please, wish to
purify mine 'ands and to sweep mine
hair"
A Scotch publican was complaining
Of his servant maid. He said that
she could never be found when want
ed. 'She'H gang OOt o. the house."
he said, twenty times fer once she'll
come in"
A cOuntryman went TO a menagerie
to examine the wild beasts. Several
gentlemen expressed the opinion that
the Orang 0utang was a lower order OF
the human species. Hodge did not
Ike this idea and. striding up to the
gentleman, expressed his contempt for
it in these words: Pooh! He's no
more of the human species than / be-"
Mamma, is that a spoiled child?"
asked little boy on seeing a negro
baby for the first time.
shop exhibits a card warning ev-
erybOdy against INSCRIPTIONS persons
''who infringe our title to deceive the
public" The shOpman does not quite
say what he means any more than
the proprietor of an eating house near
the dock, on the door of v hich may be
read the following announcement con-
veying fearful intelligence to the gal
liant tars who frequent this port:
Sailors vitals cooked here. ."-PhiIa-
delphia North American.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
FUN IN THE HOME.
5r'hg to II Bright Pictures and Pleas
ant Thoughts and Bar Out
Business Worries.

W hateYer your lot in life keep Joy
win you. says Orison SWEET Marden
IN Success Magazine. Il is a great
healer. Sorrow. worry. jealousy. envy,
pad temper, create friction and grind
away the delicate human machinery
SO that the brain loses its cunning.
HaIf the misery in the world would
be avoided if the people would make
a business of having plenty of fun at
nome instead Of running everywhere
else in search of it.
Now For Rest and Fun" mo
Business Troubles Allowed Here"
These are good home building notices.
When you have had a perplexing
day, when thi0gs have gone wrong
with you and you go home at night
exhausted. discouraged, blue, instead
OF making your home miserable by
going over your troubles and trials
just bury them. Instead of dragging
them home and making yourself and
your family unhappy with them and
spelling the whole evening, just lock
everything that is disagreeable in your
Office.
Just resolve that your home shall be
a place for bright pictures and pleas
ant memories, kindly feelings toward
everybody and "a cOrking good time"
generally. If you do this you will be
surprised to see how your vocation or
business wrinkles will be irOned out
in the morning and how the crooked
things will be Strengthened.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
One Consolation

During the time he acted as United
States consul in Glasgow Bret Harte
occasionally INDUCED in a days sport
with the gun, and it was during one Of
his shooting excursions that the hu-
mOrist met with an accident which
might have diSfgured him for the re-
mainder of his life. his face being
badly cut through the recoil of an
overloaded gun. Fortunately the doe
tors skill prevented him from being
permanently marked.
Writing about the occurrence to his
friend, T Edgar PembertOn, who
quotes the letter in his Tribute to
Bret Harte" the novelist concludes his
letter by telling of an amusing effort
which was made to console him on ac-
count of the accident
when the surgeon was stitching me
together" he wrote, the son of the
house, Il boy of twelve. came timid1y
to the door of my room.
d" Tell Mr.. Bret Harte it's all right
he said. He killed the hare"
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
A Blow Arrested.

An Organist who on the eve of a fes-
tival was taken suddenly i'll secured
a deputy TO take his place The depu-
ty, on the authority of st. James
Budget, was a gentleman who played
very full organ, playing full chords
where his principal played only single
notes, and consequently using a much
larger quantity of wind.
When about three parts through with
the "Hallelujah Chorus the wind sud
denly gave out. Going round to the
back of the organ to ascertain the rea-
son, the deputy found the blower in
the act Of putting on his coat prepara-
tory to going home.
''What do you mean by such behav-
iOr?" the deputy angrily expOstulated.
Look here, sir" the blower returned
with warmth, ''if you think / don't
know 'Ow many puffs it takes to blow
the 'Allelujah Chorus you make a
big mistaken
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
NOISE OF THUNDER.
Professor Trowbridgs Declares That II
is Due to Heating of Gases Along
the Line of Electric Discharge.

To Professor Trowbridge we owe an
experiment to explain the noise Of
thuGder. II has usually been thought
that the noise is caused by the clos
ing up OF the vacuum created by the
passage of lightning. the air rushing
in from all sides with clap, but the
Intensity of the noise is rather dis
prOp0rtiOngte. and it is now supposed
thar the thunder is due to the intense
heating of the gases. especially the
gas of water vapor along the line Of
the electric discharge. and the conse-
quent conversion of suspended mois
tuTe intO steam at enormous pressure.
In this way the crackle with which
a peal Of thunder sometimes begins
might be regarded as the sound of
steam explosions on a small scale,
caused by indUctive discharges before
the main fash The rumble would be
the overlapping steam explosions, and
the final clap, which sOundest IOudest,
would be the steam explosion nearest
10 the auditor. In the case of rum
bling thunder the lightning is passing
from cloud to cloud. When the fash
passes from the earth to the clouds
the clap is lOudest at the beginning
Professor TrOwbridge gave sub
stance to these suppOsitiOns by caus-
ing electric flashes to pass from point
to point through terminals clothed in
soaked cotton wool, and he succeeded
in magnifying the crack Of the cleo
tric spark to terrifying extent.-Lon-
don Graphic.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
A Japanese Peculiarly.

when a japanese servant is rebuk-
ed or scOlded," says a traveller, "he
must smile like a Cheshire cat. The
etiquette in smiles is very misleading
at first l often used to think that
Taxi my riksha boy meant to be i'm
pertinent when he insisted on smiling
when / was angry at him. But when
he told me Of the death Of his little
child with a burst of laughter l knew
that this was only one of the curious
details OF etiquette in this topsy turvy
land"
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
A Mole's Nest,

Among common animals few have
been less studied in their life history
than the mole. Mr.. Lionel E. Adams
says that under the fortress" which
the mole constructs above the surface
of the ground will always be found a
series of tunnels running out beneath
the adjacent field. A curious feature
almost invariably found is a perpen-
dicular run penetrating about a foot
below the bottom of the nest and then
turning upward to meet another run.
A mole is never found in his nest, al
though it may yet be warm from his
body when opened. Guided by smell
and hearing, a mole frequently locates
the nest of a partridge or pheasant
above his run and, penetrating it from
below, eats the eggs. The adult mole
is practically blind, but there are EN-.
bFyOnic indications that the power Of
sight in the race has deteriOrated.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
HeIped the Thief

"a simple, honest Scotch farmer had
taken a sack of meal to dispose of in
Aberdeen castle market" says Mrs
Mayo i'll her ''RecOllections of Fifty
Years" cit was in the days when
people were hanged for any petty
theft, and an execution was in prog
ress, the culprit being a sheep stealer.
The worthy countryman stood aghast
when a stranger hustled up with the
question:
whats a-dOY
ga hanging said the other, awed,
for stealing a sheep
"'Eh, what won't folks risk for
gearr cried the stranger. viii We
just give me a hand up with this
sack?
''The farmer promptly complied. 1t
was only afterward that he disc0v-
cred he had helped thief to make of
with the sack of meal he had brought
to SELF"
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29

methods employed in helping the Ne
gro people of the United States, with
view Of deciding to what extent
Tuskegee and Hampton methods may
be applied to conditions in these coun-
tries, as well as to conditions in At
rica.
1t is hoped that numbers of people
representing the different govern
ments interested in Africa and the
West Indies, as we'll as representa-
tives from the United States and the
countries of South America, will de-
eide to attend this conference. Es-
pecially is it urged that missionary
and other workers in these various
countries be present and take an act
i've part in the deliberations of the
conference.
1t is desirable, in any case, to have
al V suggestions as to what might be
done to make the work of the con-
ference more helpful to all concerned.
The names of persons who would like
to be present, with whom you are &C
quainted, will be appreciated, and
through you they are invited to be
present and take part in the delibera-
tiOnS of the conference.
Those who come to Tuskegee prop
erly accredited will be welcomed and
entertained as guests of the institu-
ton, and will be under no expense
during their stay here.
BOOKER T. WASHINGTON.
Principal, Tuskegee Normal and In
dustrial Institute, Tuskegee Insti-
tute, Alabama.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
THE COTTON GIN.
Whitney Got the Idea From the Work
of an Old NEGRO.

Whitney Got the Idea From the Work
of an Old Negro.
Eli Whitney, the inventor of the cot
ton gin, got the germ of his great idea
from seeing through the interstices of
a hut an old negro work a hand saw
among the freshly picked cotton stored
within.
The teeth of the saw tore the lint
from the seed easily and quickly, and
young Whitney (he was barely thir-
teen at the time) realized at once that
a machine working a number of SINH
lar saws simultaneously would revOlu-
tionize the cotton growing industry.
He said nothing to anybody, but set
to work building models and expert
menting. His difficulties were enor-
nous, for he not only had to make his
own wheels, cogs, etc, but he had also
first to forge his own tools and even
to manufacturN the paint wherewith
to color his many plans and drawings.
But he succeeded in the end, and,
though the outbreak of war and other
hindrances prevented the invention
from being actually placed upon the
market until many years afterward,
the first complete cotton gin ever con-
structed was built from those very
models and plans and with scarcely a
single alteration.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
MINIATURE GARDENS.
Tiny Lakes, Trees and Houses In Di-
ninutive Japanese Parks.

Tiny Lakes, Trees and Houses In Di-
ninutive Japanese Parks.
The japanese have the art of dwarf
ing trees to mere shrubs and of cult
waiting plants in a similar way. The
people take great delight in their min
iature gardens, which require special
gardener to keep them down to de-
sired limits. A Japanese garden is
generally about ten yards square, and
in this small space is found a park
and demesne, with lake, summer
houses. temples, trees, all complete
and in keeping with the dimensions
available.
One such garden shows lake four
feet long and full of goldfish. On
the border stands a pine tree exactly
eighteen inches high and fifty years
old. Beneath it's shade is a temple
carved out of one piece of stone the
size of a brick. On a lofty crag of
some two and half feet stands a fine
maple tree, perfect in form and shape.
fifteen years old and twelve inches
high.
One household in Japan boasts of a
complete garden contained in a shall
low two dozen wine case. Everything
is complete down to the fish in the
lake, a sheet of water only few
inch square. and the footbridges
over the water courses. Tea houses
there are and numerous trees Of va
riOus kinds. each about six inches in
height. Old as the hills are these
diminutive trees, but full of vitality,
York Press
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
Force of an Oil We'll.

Oil has been elected from the Baku
wells with such force and accompanied
with so much sand that steel blocks
twelve inches thick placed over the
mouth of the well to defect the flow
were perforated in a few hours and
had to be replaced. The casing with
which the wells were lined was often
torn to shreds and eventually cOllaps-
ed, and hundreds of thousands Of tons
of sand which accumulated in the vi
cinity necessitated the sS-vices of large
bodies of wOrkmen.-LondOn Mail
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
Professional Instinct.

'ROme0 and Juliet" with the origi-
nal company, had reached its crucial
moment.
Juliet was staggering about the
stage, regarding her afflicted lover.
'Oh, cruel pOisOnr' she walled.
She raised her lover for a moment
In her arms.
a wildly excited medical student in
the gallery sprang to his feet.
Keep him up, Juliet-keep him up!''
he beloved. "Pll run out and fetch
the stomach pumpr
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
Artificial Flowers.

It was in Italy that a demand for
artificial flowers first arose. This was
due primarily to ii caprice of fashion
which demanded that during festivals
blossoms in and out of their seasons
should he worn and also to the fact
that their color and freshness were
stable. Later on, in the middle ages,
the artificial so far superseded the
natural that both men and women
decked their heads with imitation
flowers Of cambric, paper, glass and
metal.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
How Parchment Came to Be Used.

When the literary jealousy of the
Egyptians caused them to stop the sup
ply Of papyrus, the king of Pergamos,
a city in Asia Minor, introduced the
use of SheepSkin in a form called,
from the place of its invention, perga-
mona, whence our word parchment is
believed to be derived. Vellum, a finer
article, made from calfskin, was also
used. Many of the books done on vel
lum in the middle ages were tran
scribed by monks, and often it took
years to complete a single copy.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
The Springbok.

A popularity of that most beautiful
Of South African antelopes the spring
box is that it always leaps over human
tracks. 1t is at once exceedingly shy
and marvelOusly active, and the rea-
son for this strange antic is it's in
tense suspicion of any possible enc
mics, among whom it has come to rec
Ognize man as the most dangerous. 1t
is not only with human tracks that the
springbOk goes through this perform
ance. for it does the same with the
tracks of lions or even when it gets
wind of lion. The leap is exceeding
ly graceful, and the animal covers from
twelve to fifteen feet at each bound.
1t drops on all four feet at once and
Immediately rises again, making clear
spring without any run. Its usual gait
when not pursued is a light springy
trOt. The springbOk usually travels
with its nose to the ground. as if con-
stantIy on the lookout for the scent Of
enemies.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
Nihere the Trouble Was,

Some mis'bul sinner took an ruined
or wild de collection hat las meetin
day." said Brother Dickey, "an' l wei
knows dat ef dar wus no sich place G,
hell de good Lawd would make on,
for dat sinner"
''Was there much money in the hat:
mo. sub; day warn't so much ez /;
brass button in it."
''Then why are you 50 mad about e.?
''Hit wul my hat" ne Said.-Atlaat
Constitution
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
INTERNATIONAL CONFER
ENCE ON THE NEGRO.
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday
April ~, Is and Ie, 1879.

For some years past I have had in
mind TO invite here from different
parts of the world-from Europe, At
rica, the West Indies and North and
South America-persons who are ac-
lively interested or directly engaged
as missionaries, or otherwise, in the
work that is going on in Africa and
elsewhere for the education and up
building of Negro peoples.
For this purpose IT has been deter
mined to hold at Tuskegee Institute,
Alabama, Wednesday, Thursday and
Friday, April II, I8 and 10, 1912, a
little more than year from this time,
an international conference on the
Negro. Such a conference as this
will offer the opportunity for those
engaged in any kind of service in At
RIGA, or the countries above mention
ed, to become more intimately ac-
quainted with the work and the prob
lens of Africa and these other cOun-
tries Such meeting will be valua-
bic and helpful, also. in so far as it
will give opportunity for general in
terchange of ideas in organizing and
systematizing the work of education
Of the native peoples in Africa and
elsewhere and the preparation of
teachers for that work Wider knowl-
edge of the work that each is doing
should open means Of cooperation
that do not now exist.
The object of calling this confer
ence at Tuskegee Institute is to at
ford an opportunity for studying the
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
a Run of Luck

Violet never had such a streak Of
luck. He fell in love in Paris, proposed
in Rome and bought the ring in Ma
Piles. Pierrot-Did your luck end there?
Violet-Oh, no. While we were at
Monte Carlo he won enough from papa
for US to get married 0n.-L0ndon Il
lustrated Bits.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
Ainh Ar

ARE you blind. prisoner Inquired
the magistrate.
''Yes, your worship"
'You are charged with vagzancy
How did you lose your sighty"
"By at OF appleplexy, SIR"
~But there is a picture on your
breast representing an explosion IN
mine, through which, it is stated, you
became blind. How is this?"
"Please, your worship, couldn't af
ford to pay a hartist as could paint ap-
DIeplexy. London Answers.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
OK Marrow.

We want our readers to patronize
US; it helps all around. The Ozonized
Ok Marrow Co. advertises in this pa
per, and when you want a frst-class
dressing for kinly, harsh and unruly
hair, go to your druggists and get a
bottle of Ford's Hair Pomade, z5c or
soc a bottle.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
pisaareeabIe Economy.

Husband-You are not economical.
Wife-Well, if you don't call a woman
economical who saves her wedding
dress for a possible second marriage
I'd like to know what you think econ
omy is like.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
SnitefuI.

At a local picture show a painter
hung a notice under his highly priced
landscape, do not touch with canes
or umbrellas Some one who was
not an admirer of his works added to
the notice, Take an ak"
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
A SAFE Bet

A man can never guess how big the
hats or sleeves or skirts of women
will be next season, but he stands
ready to bet that no fashion center
can make big shoes for women pOpu-
lar.-Atchison Globe
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
Rrnnf.

'I'm after the gas BILL"
"Gee! My husband forgot to leave
the check-he's just gone"
"Are you sure he forgot to leave itF'
eyes; he told me so just as he went"
Cleveland Leader,
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
Ona of Many.

Then you think you won no perma-
nent place in her hearth
I'm just notch on her parasol han
die; that is all."-LOuisviIle Courier
Journal.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
HOuSr and Herman

The I34th anniversary of the birth
of the Stars and Stripes was observed
by the Government departments, pa
triotic societies and schools through
out the District last Wednesday.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
WiIberforcian Orchestra

The finest orchestra in the city is
the Wilberforcian. It is composed of
educated youLg mon, studying pro-
LESSONS. The music by this orches-
ira IS first class. You should hear it.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29

''The easiest thing l know of. says
the philosopher Of folly, lis to begin
to save up some money next month.
Cleveland Leader.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
A Misnomer.

It is becoming daily more dangerous
to refer to ''the weaker SEX on ac-
count of the increasing doubt in the
readers mind which sex is meant
London Saturday Review.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
An Inside Ousinn.

Wigg-The best outing a man can
take is an ocean trip. Wagg-Yes, an
outing for the inner man as WE'LL
Philadelphia Record.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
EIioht.

'WGlld you take $4,000 to fly from
Albany to New York? -
why not? Our cashier took only
$1,000 to fly to Europe"
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29
One OeEniFiou

Papa" asked little boy, what is
a legal blank?'
"a legal blank, Johnny" replied his
father, rs lawyer who never gets a
case. Chicago Record Herald.
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29

To live in hearts we leave behind is
not TO die.-Campbell
The Washington bee., 1911-07-29

The reward of one duty is the power
TO fulfill another.