davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
Plum Puddings Tn Peril.

II Is reported from government head
quarters that the tariff on English
plum buildings may be Increased %
per cent The present duty exaeted on
these delicacies is 20 per cent II WI
be- a sad day for plum pudding devotees
when Uncle sam puts mp the tarin 50
high. Some of US will be compelled TO
cut our plum pudding allowance 20 one
or less per diem.
Which reminds one OF a story that
tarries a lesson. Once upon a dine q
group OF Englishmen went far into
the interior OF Australia 10 prospect for
gold. The men were to be utterly lost
to civilization for six months. They
OIL dered u plentiful supply Of assorted
foods. When they reached their dcss-
nation and opened the packing cases
tliey discovered that their goods bad
gone astray and they had on hand only
large supply of English plum pud-
dlngs. evidently intended for a whole
sale merchant Being British the mea
didn't worry. for the Britisher dearly
loves his plum pudding. So they be-
gam feasting on the puddings. They
cooked them in various ways. They
had plum pudding raw. plum pudding
boiled. plum pudding fricasseed. plum
pudding fried. plum pudding scram-
bed. After a few months they gave
up their task in the wilderness went
back to civilization and gorged them
selves on plain ham, beans. potatoes
and the like
Too much of good thing is less than
not enough A luxury is a luxury only
because It is unusual or scarce. II dia-
monds were as common as pebbles
they wouldn't bring cents q carat
When the price of diamonds or Of
plum buildings goes up 1t doesn't at
feet most of us at all, for the simple
and satisfying reason that these are
luxuries which we do not need. So,
unless Uncle Sam does some tarff
tinkering that results In increasing the
price of ham and eggs, butter. corned
beef hash or corn pone. most OF US can
get along reasonably well. even though
plum puddings must pay a duty Of 90
| per cent.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
A LOVE SONG.

WHO has robbed the ocean cave
w To tinge thy lips with coral huef
Who from midas distant wave
For thee those pearly treasures drswr
Who from yonder orient sky
Stole the morning Of thine eve'
THOUSAND charms thy form to deck
l. From sea and earth and air are torn
Roses bloom upon thy cheek. #t.
On thy breath their fragrance borne.
Guard thy bosom from the day.
Lest thy shows should melt away.
DUT one charm remains behind,
- Which mute earth can ns'er knpsrt.
Nor In ocean wilt thou find.
Nor in the circling air. q heart.
Fairest, wouldst thou perfect be.
Take, oh, take that heart from mel
John Shaw Q77s-lSos,.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
OLD FASHIONED ROSES.

FTH amt no style about en-.
l. And they're sort O. pale and faded,
Tit the doorway here without EN-
Would be loneSomer and shaded
With Q good 'eal blacker shaddsr
Than the morning glories makes.
And the sunshine would look sadder
For their good old fashion sakes.
T LIKE EN- cause they kind o.
l. Sort O. make q Teller like 'em.
And. tell you. when md .
Bunch out whur the sun kin strike 'em
II allus sets mo thinkin'
o. the ones at used to grow
An peek in thro' the chinkin'
Or the cabin. don't you know!
A ND then think o. mother
"A And how she ust to love 'em
When they wuzn't any other.
'Lsss she found EN- UP above EN-.
And her eyes afore she shut 'em
Whipered. with . smile. and said
We must pick . bunch and put 'em
In her hand when she wuz dead
RUT. as / wus a-sayin,
- They aiR't no style about en-
VERY gaudy or displayin'.
il 1ut wouldn't be without EN-,
Cause Tn happier In these posles
And the hohyhawks and SIGH
THAI the hummin' bird at noses
In the roses OF the rich.
James Whitcomb Riley.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
Attacks School Principal.

A severe attack on school principal,
Chas. B. Allen, of Sylvania, Ga, is thus
old by him. "For more than three
years. he writes, 81 suffered indescrib-
able torture from rheumatism, liver aud
stomach trouble and diseased kidneys.
All remedies failed till | used Electric
Bitters, but four bottles of this wonder
full remedy cured me completely" Such
results are common. Thousands bless
them for curing stomach trouble, female
complaints, kidney disorders, bilious
ness, and for new health and vigor. Try
them. Only SOC at j. W. Thurston's.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
a Fierce Njuht Alarm

the hoarSe, startling cough of a child
suddenly attacked by Group. Often il
aroused Lewis Chamblin and wife of
Manchester o., r. K No. q for their
tour children we're greatly subject 10
Group. sometimes in severe attacks,
he wrote, awe were afraid they would
Idle, but since we proved what certain
remedy DIR. Kings New Discovery is,
we have no fear, We rely on it for
Group and for coughs, colds or any
throat or lung trouble" So do thou
sand, of Others. So may you. Asthma,
Hay Fever, La Grippe, Whooping
Congh, Hemorrhages fly before il. To- SOC
and Sl.00. Trial bottle free. Sold by
j. w. Thurston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
FEAR OF LIGHTNING.
II Is Hardly Justified by the Number
of Deaths It Causes.

of Deaths It Causes.
Why are so many people, brave IN.
der all other circumstances, so deathly
afraid Of thunder and lightning?
1t is not because lightning is so dan
gerous, for it isn't half so dangerous
as going out of the house on an icy
morning. walking down the cellar
stairs or hundred other things we
do every day without a thought Of
personal harm. More people are killed
each year by falling building material,
more die from fright. than are killed
by lightning. The census bureau shows
only 1850 people killed by lightning in
this entire country during a given
year. and only thirty of these people
were killed in the cities. Heat and
the sun killed 763 during the same
year. 203 died from cold and freezing
and 1896 were drowned.
But you will find it quite waste of
time during a thunderstorm to try to
ease the fears Of person who is
afraid by telling him or her that the
chances of being killed by lightning
are less than two in million; they
will remain just as frightened for all
this mortuary knowledge. And after
the storm has passed and nerves are
steadied the woman who was so
frightened a few minutes before will
start getting supper on the gas stove,
smiling through her tears that the
danger has all passed and only laugh.
ing If you venture the remark that
twice as many people are killed by gas
stoves as by nghtning.-Country Life
In America.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
DIAGNOSING a JOKE.
u Seemed Easy at First. but the Case
Proved Hopeless.

u Seemed Easy at First, but the Case
Proved Hopeless.
The name Of the author of the fol-
lowing story is better known for poet
~ than prose. However. here is what
S. E. Kiser perpetrated at a conven-
ton of American humOrists:
Paw and nav We're sitting in the
sitting room one evening, and pretty
soon paw began TO Ian.
whats wrongI" NAV asst.
This is one of the best joaks l ever
saw" paw says.
"Lissen and I'll read il to you: why
is the mistake of dockter not as bad
as that of dentustT Do you known
paw asst.
mo" nav told him.
"BecOz," paw red. zone fills six feat
and the other fills an aker."
How do they do that?" nav asst.
'Becoz they made mistake" paw
ansered
(Which doesT' nav says.
Roth of them" paw told her.
That's why the mistake of the dock
ter izzent as Bad as the dentust's."
''Why not?" says nav.
1.-THE dockter only fills Six feat"
paw told her, "and the dentust fills An
aker."
az don't understand About the feat"
nav sed. why does he Fill six Of
them and What does he fill them
WITH Paw began to look kind Of
= l. nd In nH
toak again to himself So he would be
sure he Didn't make emmy mistake.
Then he says:
"Why, you see, If dockter would
make a mistake it mite be fatle, and
so he would fill six feat of earth with
a man, because the man would Be
about six feat tail, you no."
II don't see mulch to laugh bout
such a ioak," nav told him. MAY
be it intent be man at all, Or he
mite be short"
"Oh, WELL" paw says, they just pre-
tend He would be a six footer so as
to Make it come in with the aker."
"Why do they want to do thatT'
nav asst.
That's the joak," paw says.
(Which ISL" nav told him.
"Why the aker," paw ansered.
"Where are they emmy Joak about
thatT nav asst.
"The dentust fills 1t, you no." paw
sed, but he Didn't SEINE to be very surf
about it By that time.
eyes" nav says, "but you red tina
he made A mistake"
Don't you know what an aker is?'
paw asst. "a Doth that You fill is al
aker, and They have akers of ground.
But where does the mistake CONF
in?" nav sed.
"Why, he Fills the rong one" paw
answered, Wiping his forrid and kin(
of looking Around like If he was try
ing to see If the escape was all cut of
"Well, then, how does He fill tn
is the rong one And duzzent axe"
Then paw got up and tore the Al
mannick in two and Threw it in thu
waist basket and sed:
"They are no use Trying to brin,
emmy sunshine into This family. Let
drop the subject. The man that rot
the ioal Was a fool and the one tina
printed it was worse one, but I'm no
going to rong Either one of them b.
unjust suspishens. Mebby they didn'
every try to tell it To woman
New York Post.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

descend on him at any moment. bis
wife tells Of one notable experience.
"one night" she says. Il lectured
John all the way home from dinner.
I was trying 10 make him understand
that pate shells were Intended 10 De
eaten. II 10 bad been a caterers
meal should have thought nothing
about Il. but our hostess was nne
cook. and she bad just announced
proudly that We were having some or
her own pun paste. Everybody ate
the pates except John. With the
greatest care he scoOped out the
creamed chicken and left the shell.
he was horribly distressed over IL.
If 1 had only known. my dear, ne
said. that the thing was intended to
be eaten. that 70 was really food and
she made Il. ! should have shown my
appreciation
'Remember Il next time. them j
said.
"A week later at another dinner
John waa seated opposite me. L
glanced az him curi0usly after the
dessert came on. for he seemed to be
In the throes Of q choking nt. Imag-
ine, ~ you can. my horror. he was
trying to nasticate the paper case OF
charlotte russo. There was only
one thing could do-csu him TO order
a. one would have done a child.
could not sit By calmly and watch him
choke to death. Dinners are frequent
ly stupid affairs. but that one was not
after I had explained the situation to
a tableful Of people. Fortunately John
70 % brilliant that his absentminded-
ness il considered q natural adjunct
to genius"
.Ny husband" said one woman, rs
the funny man at a party when the
mood happens TO seize him. One night
sfter playing bridge we died out to the
dining room, where We were seated
about the table for supper. From
the corner where my husband sat
came gales Of laughter. He had turn
Cd conjurcr and was making every
thing disappear from salt spoons to
water decanter. When things were
found It was In the most remarkable
| places.
"A week later while searching his
clothes for soiied> handkerchiefs-that
b a regulation Monday morning task
IN our home-i heard something rattle
In bis dress coat. From an inside
pocket drew two silver forks, three
teaspoons ana salt spoon. They
| were marked with various initials.
None Of the stun came from our side
board. Ny Husband was out Of town,
and I spent q few perplexed hours An
idea suddenly dawned on me. wrap
ped up the silver. put on my hat and
went straight to the hostess Of our last
card party. Thank goodness she
cried. ! have nearly had nervous
prostitution over the loss Of these
things. Servants have been suspected,
] hired q man to 90 over the garbage
dump. sRa the whole house has been
turned upside down In our search. II
Il had been my own silver 1t would
not have been 30 bad. but It was Dor
rowed. and could not duplicate it any
where In iowa. Wait till I see that
husband Of yours-
| The story got out. and sometimes
a hostess in faeetious mood insists on
1 counting her silver before my better
half goes home."-lsabel Gordon Curtis
In New York Tribune
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
Dean but Drx.

Lincoln. himself superb writer"
stand tedious writing in others. He
en'~ condemned for its tediousness a
Greek history. whereupon a diplomat
took him TO task.
"The author Of that history. Mr..
President" said the diplomat. lis one
of the profoundest scholars Of the age.
Indeed, 1t may he doubted whether any
man Of our generation has plunged
more deeply In the sacred fount Of
learning"
Yes, or come up drier," said Lin
coin.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
FREAK SHADOWS.
A Peculiar Phenomenon That Has a
Simple Explanation.


Simple Explanation.
In the crude oil producing regions In
California there are scores of large
ponds of this material. After being
pumped to the surface the petroleum
is emptied into depressions in the
earth. where 1t remains for time.
Later the crude oil is placed in bar
fels. in large metal cans or else in big
reservoirs These oil ponds are known
as ''sump holes"
There is one peculiar thing about
these "sump holes" and that Is in the
way of producing what are known as
s'freak shadows" These are real
shadows. but Notwithstanding this fact
they are decidedly "freaky." If the
sun Is brightly shining and a per-
son stands for a few moments on the
margin of the "sump hole" so that
his shadow falls on the surface of the
petroleum and he then quickly changes
his position the dim shadow remains
just where it was originally cast In
other words, the shadow does not
follow the substance"
This may seem like paradox. but 1t
is true. The instant a person shifts
his position his shadow is again cast
in a new place. yet the former shadow
remains unchanged. The longer
person stands in one particular spot
the longer will the former shadow be
visible.
Hundreds of experiments have been
made along these lines, and every time
the same results have been produced.
The simple explanation for this phe-
nomenon is that under the hot sun
gas Is being constantly generated
down in the body of the petroleum,
| and II rises to the surface In the form
of little minute bubbles. So very
small are these bubbles that they are
scarcely visible to the naked eye. Mil
lions of these wee bubbles are rising
to the top all the time, when the
bubbles break and the gas is liberated,
passing into the air.
| Both the gas and bubbles are so
very representative to the temperature
that even ones shadow cast for d
moment across them is affected. The
temperature is lowered. Whenever the
substance quickly changes position the
shadow remains until the rays again
warm up that spot and the shadowy
outline slowly fades away. OF course
the freak shadow" may be seen for
only a very few seconds.-Scientific
| American,
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
Character In Handwriting.

showed a professor of caligraphy a
letter I had received. He tOok very
unfa yorable view Of the handwriting.
II was the handwriting he told me. OF
a man without Iraruing without gen
iuS. without fee ins And. nav. sir.
said. will y"u h"k nj The sigma
turey" The letter WIS written 10y Lord
Macaulay.-Aruoid's Three COruered
ESSAYS"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
How Music Affected Boswell.

Boswell had good deal more feel
ing for music than Dr. Johnson and
suffered at his masters hands. Once
in II moment Of expansiveness he told
Johnson that music affected him" to
such a degree as TO agitate his nerves
most painfully, producing alternative
sensations Of pathetic detection. 20
that lie was ready to shed tears. and
Of daring resolution. so that he was
inclined TO rush into the thickest Of
the battle,
Sir" replied Johnson. IL should
never hear It at all If 1t made me such
q fool" .F
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

"Widows," said the observing man.
are very attractive. but about wild
over there IL always something I'M
canny. something almost clammy-l
mean. of course, from the matrimonial
point Of view.
II know a widower who Is thinking
OF marrying again He thought he'd
breach the matter delicately the other
morning to his little daughter. 80 he
said:
j. "'Ah. my dear. how did love your
motherr
But the little girl gave him sus-
picious look and snapped:
Say do" not did" papa
Washington Star.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
.FEA1S d: ARTISTS
Some Notable Achievements In
Eleventh Hour Work. .
ONE OF LANDSEER'S SPURTS.

The Masterpiece tho Great Painter
Produced In a Few Hsurs--Remark.
able Records Made by Some Of the
Famous Masters Of Music.
Some astounding feats In eleventh
hour work, especially In the musical
and artistic branches. have been
achieved by the great artists Of the
world
Sir Edwin Landseer had promised q
picture for the spring exhibition Of
The British institution In 1e45. bot On
the day before the exhibition was to
be opened all the hanging committee
had received was an empty frame,
which was duly hung in the position
of honor
AS the prospec. Of receiving q pic
ture for the frame seemed to the com
mittee to be slight. member thereof
went to see the artist He found
Landseer standing in front of bare
canvas. .....,
THAT'S the picture promised" said
the great man, pointing to the canvas
Il have not touched 1t yet. but l will
send 1t to the institution tonight"
And he was as good as his word. A
few hours later the completed picture
was delivered and may be seen today
In the National gallery. This wonder
full work of half a dozen hours was
none other than the universally ad.
mired Cavaliers Pets"
Leander, the famous painter, is ca
pable Of remarkably rapid work. Upon
seeing him leave his rooms early In
the morning with canvas on his
back the neighbors of the great artist
used to exclaim. There goes Leander
or to paint his. daily picture" Al
though this may have been an exag-
geration. 1t Is well known fact that
on several occasions the academician
produced large picture within few
hours.
Ieander has formidable rival in
the matter Of hasty work In Solomon
Solomon. This artist painted an ad-
mirable life size portrait of Israel
Zangwill within the period Of 1--WE
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
Has Millions of Friends.

How would you like to number your
friends by millions as Bucklen's Arnica
Salye does? Its astounding cures in
the past forty years made them. It's the
best Salve in the world for sores, ulcers,
eczema, burns, boiIs, scalds, cuts, corns,
sore eyes, sprains, swellings, bruises,
cold sores. Has no equal tor piles. 25c
at j. w. Thurston's. a...
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

"Foleys Honey aud Tar is the best
cough remedy I ever used as it quickly
stopped a severe cough that had long
troubled me-, says J. W. Kuhn, Prince
ton, Nebr. Just so quickly aud surely
it acts in all cases of coughs, colds, Ia
grippe and lung trouble. Refuse sub
stitutes.-John w. Thurston.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
Fertilizers Are Cheaper

and better, if mixed at home according
to some good formula. Write US and
we will give you free, postpaid, full in.
formation about what to use, how to
mix, prices of ingredients, etc. fa
CARROLL S PAGE, Hyde Park, Vt.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
A Special Medicine for Kidney
Ailments

Many elderly people have found in
Foleys Kidney Remedy a quick relief
and permanent benefit from kidney and
bladder ailments and from annoying
urinary irregularities due to advancing
years. Isaac N. Regain, Farmer, Mo-,
says: "Foley's Kidney Remedy effected
a complete cure in my case and I want
Others to know of it'GJohn w. Thurs
ton.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
A FRIEND

@'fG.
r DIDN'T know b. tho
For | couldn't ur5a-,
But Were De- t1 c,ns , .I'.
u l should Ike to cl4s5f.-.
AND were De TO find ne an s al
l should like 10 let hln 49,
That the years have maasa
How l wrongcl lin Iong, s'R
With the hot blood Of my r-.
And Its rosy, golden gias
i can speak II now. In tr,,,t
/ looked on him as a foa
For he checked NE when h ,,-,
And he foiled nay dearest ,'..
And l never Understood '-|
For ! grew 10 hate the man
Others fiattered when they c,r,
Others loudly spoke nv ~, ,I-'
But he saw nay plan was Ian.
And he tried 10y many War.
To convince lac [ was v,o9,
was blind and coull1't "a.
Still believing an along
That he really hated me-
But the years have passed siD,. -.
And today l understand -
Oh, were he to come again
should Ike 10 clasp his hand
All the fatterers have gone
And, now l am near tie end
OF them all he was the one
Who was honestly ny friend
Detroit Free Pr.r
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

For that awful cough take Bloodne
Cough Checker. A so cent bottle will
last longer than most any cough. John
w. Thurston, Special Agent.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
A Canine Reaton.

She Ton the beach at Atlantic City,
l wonder why that dog tried To bite
me Just now. He The intelligent ami.
NAL heard ME call You a little witch.
and he probably thought you were a
sandwich. baltimore American.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

For sore throat there is positively no
remedy that will relieve so quickly aud
cure permanently the most aggravated
case, as Boodne Rheumatic Lni nent
John W. Thurston, Special Agent. q,
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

Somewhat Different
MY name" said the great tragedian,
has adorned many billboards."
ANA mine" rejoined the low come
dian. "has adorned many board bills"
Chicago News.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
Foley Kidney Pills

Neutralize and remove the poisons
that cause backache, rheumatism, ner
vousness and all kidney and bladder
irregularities. They build up and re-
store the natural action of these vital
organs.-John w. Thurston. s.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

The Fair Purchaser-Your eggs are
all very small today, Mr.. Jones. Mfr.
Jones-Yes'm. they are. but I'm sure
/ don't know the reason. The Fair
Purchaser oh. ! expect you took
them out of the nests too soon.-Lon-
don Sketch.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

the proposition. One applicant appar-
emily lets the cat out of the bag by
the announcement that In view Of the
high price of foodstunfs a little free
bar" meat would prove a welcome
addition to his mann. #y
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

"You approve of economy, don't
you"
"Yes," replied Senator Sorghum;
"only too many Of US are apt to econo-
mize on the cigars we hand our
friends instead Of those we smoke our
selves. Washington Star.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

YES, he's a very merry wag. The
last tims he went to Mexico his wife
asked him to bring back some of the
embroidery work for which the coun-
try Is famouA When he reached home
he handed her boz containing half
q Dozen human teeth.
'Meecy." she cried, whats this2"
Mexican drawn work." he tripping.
" replied.-Osvsiand Plain Dealer.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24

When we plant tree we are doing
what we can to make our planet
more wholesome and happier dwelling
place for those who come after us. II
not for ourselves.-Oliver Wendell
Holmes.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
The Last Hole.

F1gg-That was mighty appropri-
ate text the parson took for poor
Brassie's funeral sermon. Fogg- What
was It? Figg-"He~h has finished his
course. Boston Transcript.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-03-24
a Mothers Saf.,n..,

FoIey's Honey aud Tar 70. ;"
dren. Is best and safes, t..r FL
colds, Group, whosrtng.copgt @
chitis. No opiates.-John " =. '1