White Pine news weekly mining review. [volume] (East Ely, Nev.) 1910-1920, 1911-04-23
PAPER
R|D|CULES RICE
SATIRICAL WRITER IN NEW
YORK CURB GOES AFTER THE
aTTHoR OF "MY ADVENTURES
WITH YOUR MONEY"

Yes, Agnes, l know you have been
waiting for someone 10 open a can
of the canned Life Story of 81
mos Jacob herzig alias george graham
rice and tell you what the first slice
tastes like, says Franz Heinrich De
Schneider in the New York Curb. II
II takes courage. backed with a good
deal Of resolution, 10 uncan George :
Life Story and you girls are so
soueamish about such things, but /
don't blame you. for il hasn't the
delicate aroma of the gentle and po-
lite art of pig sticking. but has all
the meretricious favoring of race
track dope and of vulgar hog Kill
ings'' so | pass it up. Its a persim-
mon. Agnes. But that traglcally
worded announcement of the com
pletion and initial treasury Offering
of the first can of Geordie.s canned
Life Story appeals very strongly TO
my sense of humor. | wonder II
Geordie knows how really funny he
becomes when he p%retends to be seri-
GUS; and, TO be honest now, Agnes,
didn't il start your ha-ha fountain
going when you read it? 1t is the
production of an erratic but some
what heroic mind. Agnes. and should
have been labeled The Serio-comie
Salutatory of the Shyster Separate
Gus of Susceptible Suckers. And
Geordie is only just now attempting
TO jar 1.-The public once more with
this stale junket of gruesome jokes
Isn't il funny? No, Agnes, I wasn't
the Mohawk that caused the Gold
field boom. but Gordie scented a
pay streak" in the pockets OF the
public-he smelt ore, already mined
and minted, 1000 miles away-and
that started those violent eruptions
of the exoteric exuberance OF his
egotistic imagination, u~nloosened
his exhalations of extemporaneous
extravaganza and exaggerated ego
and what a jamboree that was for
his JOY works That was engineering
the Goldfeld boom, And. Agnes,
isn't il funnier still that it was the
Unsuitable desire of the American
people to gamblen-not Geordie's in
satiable appetite for hog killings"
that led him to satiate that same
Unsuitable public with 200, 600. goo OF
indigestible. WOODY wildcat ''securi-
ties?" Geordie is almost as clever
a joy-maker as a laughing-gas works.
He forgets, however, that there are
those who remember when he was
celebrating one long. continuous ses-
sion of Walpurgis Nights with "hnan-
eial fireworks and bacchanalian
brainstorms out on the wearisome
alkali and sage brush. waving win
some"wildeats' from the threads OF
his cobweb imagination, wallowing
in the ways of the wantonly wicked
and whacking the welkin of the east
with whoops of wonderful word
painting; wooing the wallets of the
unwary with womanish witehery,
wrenching the wit from the wisdom
teeth of the wisacres until they be-
came ''dippy" rom consuming Geor-
dies delirious dope" unwound
their wads of wealth ana sent them
forth in exchange for THE ONE
BEST BUY of the WOODY wildcats
which the wraiths of his genius were
whelping in wholesale whirlwinds.
Suckers were born every minute and
the mlnnAtH mulAipiAFu aHAAAN Iva
soned Geordie. 1t was no deception
TO call his worthless wildcat whelps
good things" splendid speeula-
tons mot gambles.) with every
reasonable chance &c make good"
II was no crime TO give each fake
the label of genuineness in ~placard-
ing it with the favorable report of a
reputable 90 engineer. THE Am
erican people" didn't know that
Geordie had them gambling on the
chances of shadows becoming shade
trees. He vas only fooling them.
working them for suckers" stack
ing the cards and dealing them
double crosses. THE public" didn't
know Geordie nor his game-didn't
know he was running a blind tiger.
1t took him ACKNOWLEDGMENT he
was honest-but his bias brain pie
turned is as the same public that
gambled on his hog killings" This
gambler since he was a kid mistook
the public" for a perennial pup. He
played with II. robbed it-then kick
ed It. 1t was great sport. And the
public hasn't got a chance. Geordie
never gave 1t one. He struck below
the belt. And his canned Life Story
continues with its tale of n~ausaatinv