The Washington bee., 1911-10-07
Public Men And ThinDs
(By the Sage of the Potomac }

Menellk and a turkish paSna, ana
who possesses an upper and lower
| row OF worries that for beauty makes
a pair of elephant tusks look like they
ought to be on Goldenberg's bargain
counter, and who wears a smile, in
end out OF school troubles, that will
make the smile of Spanish dulcena
| appear like a socialists meeting, why,
then. that's Jim Walker. If ever
Horner, Tunnel, ct al, get Jim's goat
he can make a Vanderbilt living ex-
hlbltlng his teeth and smile in Ring
ling Bros. side show. Is he proud
OF his teeth? Well, they tell me he
spends $500 per week for dentifrice
alone. Outside of that Jim saves ev-
erythlng but his smile Jim IS a fine
looking fellow, as fine a looking bit
OF humanity with less than half Es-
IquinO cOmpleXt1On as ever crossed the
Hong bridge. There amt much danger
OF his ever getting into a jam, because
he always plays safe, right up against
the cuShion-so close you can't put
him in the pocket AS a middle-of-
the road man he's got Kelly Miller
lrestlng easy in the scrap pile If Jim
| is a member of an organization he
never votes on any question, unless he
knows, in advance, that the vote will
be unanimous, and is only intended
as a vote of confidence. He's so
afraid of putting the nippers on his
| chances that he hands that BilIikin
smile of his to everybody, to both
prince and pauper, to Bruce and Hor-
ner alike, without so much as an atom
of a change. I'd give one thousand
cold dollars of Napoleon Marshalrs
Brownsville savings, and the same
amount of Dick Tompkins' anticipated
surplus if | had that smile of Jim's
They tell me, sub rosa, that when
| he and Stafford were running neck
and neck race for supervisor (and
Stafford's got a smile that's above
par) Jim just oiled up his face with
Ilubricating oil 50 as to give his smile
| free action, and the thing was closed
incident. Major Brooks says that
when the battalion is on dress parade
Jim's smile makes the gold braid and
polished buttons of his uniform look
| like a bit of pewter taken from the
ruins of Pompeii. And at that | don't
believe the Major exaggerates one bit.
But Jim Walker is nobody's jester,
| let me surprise you. He's got two
or three things stored up in that era
MUM of his, and he's an awfully fine
disposition, and the commendable
habit of not knocking every color
| bearer of the climbers brigade who
| percolates through the crust Of a.whist
| club to claim a place in I'm de steele
society. jim just saws wood and says
nothing. And if he does say anything,
Its nothing but words, for you can't
figure out, from what he says where
he's at" or where he will be at in
| the round up. Everybody likes Jim,
however, including his wife, Arthur
| Newman and Maj. Brooks. Somebody
once suggested Jim for Assistant Su-
perintendent of the schools. When
he heard of it he put on his ear muttS,
put an Allcocks porous plaster over
his mouth, and made signs to his wife
| to send his meals down in the cellar
to him for a week. Jim's just that
cautious. He's so Cautious that he
could balance an OveT-Tlpe egg OF the
| bantam hen variety on his nose while
he walked from his home to the ar
mory. But the boy will do at that
He'll be a moving picture around here
long after some of the buSybOdleS,
who assumed a contract to run the
, universe, are serving time for passing
counterfeit ability. Jim always re
minds me of a family heirloom-it's s
| a whole lot of value as a keepsake,
| and it gives you lots of pleasure to
have it, and at the same time the fam
| lily next door amt jealous because
YOU have it. Next week l hope to put
| that teakwoOd complexiOned brother
in-law of his through the sieve.
x
Some genius who came near being
surrounded with a pOetical atmos-
phere, and who doubtless matriculates
Iup on Howard hill, has sent me gen
tie effusion, bordering on delusiOn,
entitled "Rubaiyat of Tunnel" which
| he requests that [ print in this col
Iumn because everybody could see It.
| He had the temerity to say that It
was written with due apologies to
IOmar Khyam, and that, in one part1c-
iular, it was an improvement on Omar
| Khyam in that the verses carried five
lines while old Omar could not ooze
out more than four lines to stanZa
/ for his crazy Rubaiyat There are
a lot of literary lights around here
who will appreciate the high literary
qualities of this unknown successor
to old Omar. Louis Gregory, who
IS an authority OF everything that
has an oriental cold-storage atmOs-
Ipbere. and Tom Clarke, who IS CON
versant with the early life of every
lpennv-a-Iiner who wrote poetry tor
the mummihed queens, will appreciate
the loftiness of this effusion. And all
good Judges of such compounds that
IDr. WILEY has classed as mot whis-
XIV" will readily detect the fumes OF
1.-THE blended article in every line of
Ithis treatise on Dr. Tunnell-I pre-
sumo the writer had the West Indian
nightmare in mind when he sat him
self down in his library de lux and,
taking his pen in hand, dashed off this
lpale lunar reminder of Omar Khyam
that makes all the old time English
satirists appear like privates in the
Haitian army Without further in
production, and with due regard for
my readers discriminating tastes,
lpresent here following the loftiest ap-
Iproach to poetry that ever rolled, un-
Imolested, down Howard's hill into the
thirty-year-old office of the palladium
of the people, more Familiarity referred
to as The Bee. Now here is the thing
itself: