davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Daily Missoulian., 1911-10-29
PROGRAM FOR TODAY
Afternoon, 3 O'clock

Afternoon, 8 O'Clock
Chairman
....Rey. Edward Laird Mills, d. d.
Organ recital ............P Prof. Il. e. Hall
Invocation ..............Rev. II. S. Galley
Hymn No, 9...4............,.........
Announced by Rev. II. Il. Burtncr
Anthem .......s..H..-,,...,.,..,.,...-.,. was
Glad When They Said ....... SOlly
Prayer j. Rev j. ~ MacLean. ID. d.
Address s......-...,...,.. In the Beginning
.. Rev. w w. VanOrsdel, ID. ID.
Address, .."Our Sister Churches"
...Rey. G. Is. Allen, Jr., ID. ID.
Male quartet ts...-......,..,................
........'I, John, Saw the Holy City"
Address, Western Montana Meth
odism" Rev. G. l.. Bovard. d. ID.
Offertory solo, recitatiye and aria,
Thus Sayeth the Lord" %. Handel
l.. c. Pettitt
Hymn No 662 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
Announced by Rev. c. II. Gibbs
Benediction......R Rev. Harold Griffis
gan recital IS minutes before each serv
The Daily Missoulian., 1911-10-29
Morning, 10 o'clock

Organ recital ...,...............................
.......,,......Prof. II. &. Hall of Butte
Hymn No. $50 ..........................." ."All
Hall the Power of Jesus Name"
Apostles Creed
Anthem. Il Have Surely Built Thee
House" ,.......................Wi Wilkinson
hFdAef
..Rev w. w. VanOrsdel, ID. d.
Anthem, II WIN Lift Up Mine
E.eS -..,.,,,,,'-,.-,.,,..-...,.-..,,.,, AudInS
Scripture reading ..........................
.........,,.,,,... Rev. Frederick Spencer
Solo and Choral Sanctus, "A New
Heaven and New Earth" -. Gaul
s. r. Inch and Quartet
Hymn No. 666......."We Rear Not
Temple Like Judah's OF Old"
oeTIioH
y,,Rev. Thomas Corwin Tiff, d, d.
Hymn No. 20S Observation-Disclosures.
t....."I Love Thy Kingdom. Lord
Benedictlon .....,..,-..,.,,....,.............
,....,...,,,.....R Rev. G. e. Cunningham
The Daily Missoulian., 1911-10-29
Evening, 7:30 O'Clock.

Evening", f'oV NioCN'
Organ recital .......,............. Prof. Hall
Hymn No. Observation-Disclosures.
......."Come Thou Almighty King
Prayer .........,...............Re Rev j. G. Ross
Alilneiil
Praise Ye Jehovah" ",.....,.A dams
Scripture reading ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
s.,.....!........-.....nRey Thomas Hardie
Ladies Quartet abide With Me-
Offertory solo ......",,... Miss Shannon
Hymn No, 659 ,..,.....,.-" Thou, Whose
Unmeasured Temple Stands"
Sermon.........,R Rev. Jacob Mills, d. ID.
Statement by Treasurer Of Board
of Trustees ,..,.,..,..,.,.,.,....,..,..,..
Presentation of the church by
chairman OF building committee
....,...... Rev. Thomas {. lliff ID. d.
Doxoiogy
Benediction ..,.....Rev. j. w. Bennett
The Washington times., 1911-10-17

little ready money. that what done
was q real act o. charity.
don't know what brings that sand
soap man around the back street SO
confoundsd early every morning. but
he's sort Of q friend Of mine, and
when the big idea filtered through my
think tank the other day I put 1t up
to him.
Say. be-" says. II think maybe per-
heps we might possibly be able to d.
vide up little plunder II you stopped
In front Of the house every morning
and yelled your battle cry up at the
windows for fifteen minutes or So"
He got 1t right OF. and tho. next
morning. bright and early at 9 o'clock.
he stops right outside the plsSs on
his way down the street, makes .
megaphone out of his hands and yella
'oa-And soa-oapP' until 1t even got on
NY nerves. sand I had to shoe him
away. Great steam organs. what a
voioel
The folks in the house started to
Aick. but I told 'sm couldn't prevent
o man from earnin' q honest livin'.
but i sort O. dropped a gentle hint
and when the sand soap man did II
again yesterday and again this morn
Ing they took up a collection to bribe
the poor, hard-workin' fellow from
oomtn' down our street, and I gave
HIM half. accordin' to contract, and
he amt been around since.
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

Lets play 1tily and Terky. my euzzin
Benny sed to mo yestiddy.
Watts that, I sed.
You be Itily and III be Terky. he sed,
and we fite to see wich wun can have
Triperly. But We han to have sum
boldly to be Triperly, he sed.
Thares pop jest opinins the frunt doar
with his key, sed. let him BE- Trip
srly. and Benny sed, Awl rite
So I put avn wun of mas old hats,
and >pertendid to tawk Itafy1n, and
Benny put avn pops rane cote and per-
tendid to tawk Terky. Bennys Terky
sowndid Jest like my Italyin.
Thare Awf!
Triperly IL mine, sed Benny. and I
ssd, Terky IL avn the bum, Triperly Is
mine. And took q sofer cushin awf
the sofer and throo 1t ovfr the BAN
ntstirs Jest wen pop was wawking throo
the hall to KUN up stares, and It hit
him avn top Of the he'd and stuck
thare as II It was pops hat.
Watts rong now, sed pop. waits ronS
now? But Itily and Terky dident anser
enything. not beeing abil to tawk Trip
srly langwidge. and pop ssd. That's
CRATE manajmint. that is. to leave pill
lers lying erround ware they will fawi
avn peepils heds.
And he went back into the dining
room to tawk to ma about It. and
Benny got a sofer cushion and sed.
Down with Ttily, Triperly bslawngs to
me, and wen pop wawked throo the
hall asen Benny throo the cushin ovir
the bannistirs and It fell avn pops
he'd Jest like mine did, ony his was
jes luck and mine was good aiming.
Hay. sed pop. Ill see about this. and
he startid to run upstares and lilly and
Terky hid behind the setting room doar.
lilly with mas hat avn and Terky with
Triperlys rane cote avn. meening war
yewniforms.
Then pop sat down in the morris
ehare by the windo in the setting room
and HIT . seegar and startid to think.
putting the seegar avn the arm Of the
morris chare. Itily and Terky got out
frum behind the dosr and went out in
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
By George Fitch

That is what comes of mixing profits
with gall.
Occasionally. a man gets all of some
thing that there is. In that case, what
he makes isn't profit. 1t is swag.
Some men are better at making prof
it's than others. The farmers are get
ting rich selling hogs at 8 cents q pound,
while the packers claim they are get
ting poor selling pork at 25 cents a
pound. Some presidents get $4,000 a
year for their services. and die poor
while some aldermen get 81 a meeting
and amass vast fortunes.
Large profits are pleasant, but dan.
gerous. They cause financial conges-
ton. which has to be relieved by long
applications Of society, automobiles. gay
sons. private yachts. and ticker tapes
On the other hand. small profits are
usually only light lunches for some
other fellows big profits.
Take 1t all around, profits are a worry
which only ceases after we have died
and the undertaken has made a 265 per
cent by mixing It with grief.
The great trouble with this country is
the fact that there are too many profits
without honor in 1t.
Copyright. 1911. by George Mathew Adams.)
The Washington times., 1911-10-17

p
count.
If 1t wasn't for profits, the store
keeper could not live. This would cause
the factories to close down, banks would
fail, and Jobs would become as scarce
as noble, high-minded burglars. Thus.
1t seems that It is profits after all that
makes the world go round.
But the trouble is that some people
seem determined to make the world ex-
coed the speed limit.
There are three kinds of profits; fair
profits. big profits and trust profits There
are also net profits and gross profits.
The English call gross profits ''takings."
For a nation which doesn't know a mo-
nopoly when 1t sees 1T, this is a remark
ably clever definition.
Profits vary greatly in various lines
Of business. You can buy a pound OF
silver for s.. but II a solemn man with
long hair takes that silver. and ham,
mers 1t for two days, he can made 1t
into a tea tray full OF sublime dents,
| and sell 1t for SITE. That is what comes
Of mixing profits with brains.
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

the naughty posters that some Of the
theatrical organizations have been
using for the adornmenr Of his city"
Yep" said the stage doorkeeper, a.
ne closed a torn place on the knee of
his trousers with a safety pin. this is
the open season for crusades. The bill
posters of the town of Worcester should
adopt the scheme in vogue with the
that the crusaders won't fre on them
unbeknownst.
The Pulpit's There
When It comes to getting in the lime
light you must confess, my young
friend. that the pulpit is there. We had
fine example Of II when, the Astor-
Force wedding was in the running, but
since that became a matter Of fact sew
erai gentlemen or the cloth have been
conspicuous by their silence.
But this thing about naughty theatri-
cal posters is an old gag, and I have
seen this crusade recur regularly ever
since one 1mr Kiralfy put out thu
Black Crook
And believe me, kid, his posters did
evoke storm. They were goin' some.
! must admit, for that day and age, but
nowadays nobody would take a second
look at them. Then there was a lons
hiatus until Duncan Clark put out
some saucy advertising for his lady
ninstrels. That was really the FORE.
runner Of the modern burlesque show.
and since then the Improvement, or de-
! cadence. II you would rather call II
that, has been gradual and the only
hollers come from the clergy, who seem
to think 1t is q good chance to get IN
the limelight.
They Overlooked Something
But taking 1t far and near and from
this standpoint and that I think some
OF the olergymen overlooked a good be,
during the past summer"
! And what was thatr' asked the q
10. Y.
/ We'll, thsro was a long, dul,
season." said the doork seper, '.and
suppose the reason there wasn't an,
crusade against II was that ali O. m.
ministers were away on their vasa,
lions. But did you get a lamp at an,
OF the chickens whs were wearing The
sheer white hobbis skirts, II was !
case OF one skirt to one chicken snt
nix on the undersisirt. Taken betweer
you apd the sun there was cause 70,
a crusade"
The Washington times., 1911-10-17

the hall. and Itily. bseins me. ssd t.
Terky. Wat rite has Triperiy got to
smoak during war time. It is yurs dooty
to 60 and take his seegar or the chare
AID put It avn tho tabil in the middil
of the room
Terky Duz
So Tersy snuck into the room In
Triperlys rane cote, and Triperiy was
stin looking out Of the windo. Terky
took the sesgar awf the arm Of the
chare very kwiet and put It avn the
tabil and calm out in the hall a1sn,
saying, have dun my dooty IKE q
good Terky.
Then Triperiy reetched for his ssegar
and coodsnt feal 1t and sed, Confownd
IT. and got up and looked erround and
thare 1t was avn the tabil, smoakinR
awl by itself. Is that seegar be wttchsd,
or am I krazy. sed pop. Thars> 10 TO
mutch OF this to tell it awi today, 20
1 will ham to tell the rest tomorrsr, I
gess.
The Washington times., 1911-10-17


Ia never thought Of ironing board dont know how
expected blessed shirts and things oned had
hazy idea that like ironing boards born, made
every household, so her suggestion a surprise
Hammered Tacks and Thumb
Of had the
than the other but then had tacking
flannel and stuff to make soft and time hammered
tak-r thumb could the busy Tuesday "our house.
with the washwoman 1--WE be able afford calls
self busy the board and the clean clothes n all
around
Then when home shall tell all the that
she has told she's fat she's scold
for listening and laugh and kiss and OH dear won't it be
glorious to be able to divide week days. but into
household tasks and plans for you.-you-youf
outside the circle of day life shall tell about
scrapbooks
have of them One the
clippings about wedding and Another for
the odd bits of household knowledge that cook mother
has had hand teaching third for recipes and it's
economy The fifth down your likes dslkes
pressed your And the sixth-bu what the
secret
Its Contents Secret
Perhaps day, long, long time after married and
is twilight and tender will let
for is the precious Of books and look
makes breath short and heart leap and and
dear, can't write about il, that's all
It's been such fun and such sticky time putting all the clippings
In writing things down and it has kept all this
rainy In fact I've been happy I'd forgotten the
and all the Aunt Caronc without umbrella but
didn't Nothing really much but and
and love-
fittings Heigho is lovely when its done, but it's
very "trying" a person when IT'S being made
That wasn't good but think will make sme
and that's all that counts. Good night, dear. Il
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
oalTikl0Re
LUNCH.

consistsd Of . CUP Of coffee and hsif .
sinker.
"Ths service Of thi. plao. oush. to be
stopped" growlsd Bisnkinsop Mugly.
I've been sitting In this ohair for ff-
teen minutes. and not . soul nor .
waiter has come TO wait on mo. IT'S
positively ridiculous. II wasn't 30
mad. I'd laugh"
Fifteen more minutes went the way Of
all time. yet. as far a. BienkinSop
Musiy was concerned. conditions were
unchanged
IF I'm not waited ON In two Mn
utes," no said rather loudly. oonsidsr-
ing that he was talking to himself.
I'll buy this place and set II ON IRE.
Whoever heard OF such q thingr'
There was no answer.
Twenty more minutes new slowly.
Blenkinsop Mugly had an important en-
gagement that would fall due In ten
minutes. With wrath on his oounts.
nance and words OF ouss on his tongue.
he rose to his feet. Twas then that he
saw II was one Of these places where
you help yourself. and whore, II you
get too fresh the young attendant viii
punch your check for you
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Inopportune,

Whats tho matter, old >chap?'
"Just been round to the pawnbroker' 8
to pop an umbrella and met Smith
there"
"Well. what about it?'
"Nothing-.only the umbrella was
Smiths" Bits.
The Washington times., 1911-10-17

lovely brown one! The poor deas face is almost human
Don't mind little thing like that Bill 1T the face
that that brown layout of hers with the big purple hat
don't mean woman silly I says, the horse"
And Belle there was the gorgeous black animal there
my Bill" says don't you black
one"
~ might time" Bn "bu could dress
her that"
mot woman, silly" I says. THE horse"
The Horses Aren' Needed Anyway
it's the with the Belle whole
troop takn lookn but the the
Sunday papers all like this:
show the little
kind held The ideal
a thos
could exhibiting favre
Studdleheim had a dashin'
Swedish mmins and suspicion of old Irish did
the good
miss Marjorie De Sammer stunnin' in white
with Russian here and there all caught with pale
Belgium tmmns and esized Lisa picture
her friends and
b1ieve did something O.
It said: Miss Geraldine Van Googn charger
Pickles. matcZd her ravshis riding
perfection" .
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Predicting Trouble.

MettIer-My wife is always borrowing
trouble.
Posey-What kind Of trouble is she
borrowing now?
Mettler-She is afraid whiskers will be
In style when our little boy grows up,
SO that he will not have a chance to
show the cunning dimple in his chin.
Pathfinder.
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
The FacetiOuS Farmer.

Nj am an actor out of work. Can
you give me employment on your
IT can. But day on a farm is no
twenty-minute sketch"
II understand that"
"All right. Yonder is your room.
When you hear a horn toot about 4
News.
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
That He Was There.

Reporter-I have "a good description
of the dresses, presents. and your ap-
pearance. Now. what shall say about
the bridegroom?
Bride-Oh, suppose he must be men
toned! Just say he was among those
present.-Pathfinder.
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Defined Up to Date.

Tommy-Pop, what is eecutive ability?
Tommy's Pop-Executive ability, my
son. is the knack of getting somebody
else to do your work for you.-Phila-
delphia Record.
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Qualified.

Bmployer-We want a diplomatic.
tactful, smart office boy.
Boy-Weu, ] used to send sister 8
beau away when she didn't want to see
him.-Chicago News.
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Job For Crouch.

Don't take that fellow on your foot
ball team. He's chronic Crouch"
But what we want is a good kicker.
Baltimore American.
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Collecting an Outfit.

why does your daughter always wait
Until September to go away?"
Better chance to borrow dresses.
Dars soils, wraps. ribbons, and so on"
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY

The boys. who expressed their sor-
row and promised to do nothing Of the
kind again were bound over. Daily
Paper.
They should have been bent over
Punch,
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Profanity To Burn.

"Does your course of home reading
include the profane authors?'
mo. don't need 'em. / belong to a,
gulf club. b."-Cleveland Plain Dealer
The Washington times., 1911-10-17

IT see." said the stage-struck youth,
ss'that the Rev. Herman Young, Of Wor-
ssster, has instituted a crusade against
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Our Janitor Says,
Too Much Is Bad

The doctors say that mors'n six or
seven hours sleep is too much any
way. SO I consider. besides maxim q
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
On Lovers

Father-I don't believe that young
man loves you as much as he says.
DauShter-Why. father. he writes
such clear and sensible letters.
Father-That's just It. Who ever
heard of lover writing sensible
lettersf
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Weighed 25O

Say. did q single stork bring you.
Unole Ottor'
''Of coursep
"But not all at oncef"
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Blenkinsop Mug1y;
Or, Elegant Eats

Though he was the hmsrisst man for
blocks around and wealthy beyond COM
putation. there oams q day his dinner
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
THE REAL LOVE LETTERS
.......... That He Received
Telling the Plans
OF HIS BRIDE TO BE

Ironing boards and scrapbooks don't
seem very romantic subjects to write love letter
go to the dearest man in the world, whose own
letter this morning has made me fairly sing with
happiness all day long. -. ..
But, since that same day has been spent in the
pursuit of such practical things ~ boards and
books, must write about them to you and trust
that because they for "our house" the magic
love will transform them for you a. Il did for me.
1t all began when Great Aunt Caroline said
that might have the extra leaf of her old dining
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
M A ME TELLS LIE
They're Called
Horse Shows, But .
THE HORSES DON'T COUNT

he difference between the openin' ensemble Of
circus and horse show, Belle Is that in the circus
the horses are all dolled up in silk blankets when
they prade before the spectators and at .he horse
show the. spectators have all got on double order
o Sunday clothes when they p'rade before the.
horses '
/ love horses Belle, got Bill to take me
to the horse show Saday afternoon. Bill and felt
the ony four spectators that didn't come in auto
mobiles But as say, though l didn't know .
Yale lock from fetlock, just love horses
The Washington times., 1911-10-17
Vest Pocket Essays
The Author of Siwash College Tales,

- ROFITS are what the storekeeper
y has after he has paid his bills,
and you have settled his ac-
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1911-07-06
FUNERAL OF VIM. KAsTNER

The last rites over the remains of
the late VIM. Kastner were held
Saturday afternoon. There was
short service at the farm residence
of the deceased north of jamestown,
conducted by Rev. B. H. Fischer,
after which funeral services were OBJ
served at the Evangelical church in
this, at which many relatives and
friends attended to pay pay their last
respects. Rev. VIM. Suckow of Far
20, elder of the Evangelical church of
which Mr.. Kastner was a member,
preached in German and Rev. Fischer
spoke in English. There was music
by the choir. Burial was at High
land Home cemetery, the pail bear
ers being Comrades Bigelow, Davis,
schmitt, Wright. Chapman and Kurtz
of the G.. A. r.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1911-07-06
NEW RULE IN REGARD TO CITI.
ZENS PAPERS

After the 29th day of June, 1911,
any resident of Stutsman county who
applies for his second papers if he
came to this country after the 29th
day of June, 1906, will be required
to furnish the clerk with his certt-
hcate of landing before the petition
can be issued.
Anyone desiring to make applica-
tion for second papers who arrived
in the United States after June 29th,
1906, should write George T. Rich
mond, clerk at Jamestown, and they
will be furnished with the proper
blanks for this purpose.
The clerk is positively instructed
by the government not to issue an
application without first having the
certificate of landing in cases where
the petitioner arrives in the U. S.
after. the 29th day of June, 1906.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1911-07-06
KILLED AT ADRIAN

Dickey, N. D., July 3.-During the
worst electrical storm ever seen here,
Emil Knepke, prominent farmer
living two miles south of Adrian was
struck by bolt of lightning and died
instantly. He was returning home
from visit at one of the neighbors
and was accompanied by his 15-year-
old son.
They. were crossing field of flax
when the fearful charge struck Mr..
Knepke to the ground killing him
instantly. The boy, walking by his
side, was not severely injured, but
was stunned by the shock. The only
after effects being a swelling of the
lower limbs. Mr.. Knepke's hair,
beard and mustache was burned off
the left side of his face, also burn
on the chest an don the right foot.
BY these marks could be traced the
course the bolt took.
Mr.. Knepke was man about 46
years of age and about six years ago
was in charge of the section at this
point as foreman. -
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1911-07-06
LET ASYLUM CONTRACTS

The last meeting of the old asy:-
lum trustees was held Friday and the
institution hereafter will be in charge
of the new state board of control.
At the trustees meeting the con-
tract for butter for the ensuing year
was let to the Streeter company. A
good many bids for butter were on
file but the board deemed the price
asked for dairy butter for the year a.
round, too high, and resolution
was passed to use creamery butter
both for the officers and employees
and to do away with butterine.
The contract for Ignite coal for
the institution was let Friday to the
Washburn Coal Co., at $2.16 a ton
on the track at the asylum spur.
Jamestown weekly alert. [volume] (Jamestown, Stutsman County, D.T. [N.D.]) 1882-1925, 1911-07-06
GRAND FORKS PAPERS TO CON.
SOLIDATE

The rumor is current around the
state that for business reasons the
Grand Forks Herald will be CONSOLE
dated about September 1st, with the
Grand Forks Times. 1t is stated that
Geo. B. Winship of the Herald wishes
to retire from active business life
and will make his permanent resi-
dence in California.
It is understood that N. B. Black,
manager. of the Times, will be gener-
al manager of the consolidated papers
Both morning and afternoon editions
Both morning and afternooCol.wnld
will be continued and both printing
plants will be combined in one.
1t is not known who will be the
editor of the Herald under the new
regime. s..