The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-05-01

"What do you think them women does t'other day?' continued MT. Weller, after short Ts1se, during which he had significantly struck the side of his nose with his foref1nger some half dozen times -"what do you think they does t'other day, Sammy?"
 Don't know" replied Sam; "what?"
 "Goes and gets up grand tea-drinkin' for feller they calls their shepherd" said MT. Weller T was a-standin' starin' in at a picturshop down at our place, when I sees little bill about 1t: Tickets half a crown. All applications to be made to the committee. Secretary. Mrs. Weller And when I got home. there was the committee a-sittin' in our back parlor-14 women. I wish you could ha' heard 'em Sammy. There they was, a-passin' reso- lutions, and wotin' supplies and all sorts O games. Well, what with your mother in-law a-worrying me to go on, and what with my lookin' for'ard to seein' some queer starts if I did, I put my name down for ticket. At o'clock on the Friday evenin' I dresses myself out very smart and off I goes with the old 'ooman; and up we walks into a fust floor where there was tea things for so and whole lot O women as begins whisperin' to one another, and lookin' at me as if they'd never seen rayther stout gen'lm'n of eight and fifty afore. By and by. there comes great hustle downstairs; and lanky chap with red nose and white neckcloth rushes up, and sings out, Here's the shepherd a-comin' to visit his faithful flock' and in comes A fat chap in black with a great white face, a-smiin' away like clock work. Such goins-on, Sammy. The kiss of peace, says the shepherd; and then he kissed the women all round, and. ven he'd done. the man with the red nose began. I was just a-thinkin' whether I hadn't better be- gin, too-'specially as there was a very nice lady a-sittin' next me-ven in comes the tea, and your mother-in-law, as had been makin' the kettle boil downstairs. At it they went, tooth and nail.
 Such precious loud hymn, Sammy, while the tea was a-brewing! such a grace such eatin and drinkln'i I wish you could ha' seen the shepherd walkin' into the ham and mullins. I never see
 
 The red-nosed man warn't by no means the sort of person you'd like to grub by contract but lie was nothin' to the shep- herd. Well, arter the tea was over they sang another hymn and then the shepherd began to preach, and very well he did it. considerin' how heavy them mullins must have lied on his chest Presently he pulls up all of sudden and hollers out Where is the sinner? Where is the mis- rable sinner?' Upon which all the women looked at me and began to groan as if they was dyin'. I thought 1t was rather sing-lar, but, hows' ever, I says nothin'. Presently he pulls up again and lookin' very hard at me, says, Where is the sinner? Where is the mis'rable sinner" and all the women groans again. 10 times louder than afore. I got rather wild at this, so I takes step or two for'ard and says, My friend says I, did you apply that ere observation to me?' gen'fm'n would ha' done, he got more abusive than ever, called me a vessel, Sammy-a vessel of wrath-and all sorts O names. So my blood being reg-larly up, and then two or three more to hand over to the man with the red nose, and walked off. I wish you could ha' heard how the women screamed, Sammy, ven they picked up the shepherd from under the table,