The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-11

Josephus Henderson was man of
forty when startling event took place
In his life He was also a widower.
He was exactly five feet high and
weighed 10 pounds. These figures
will convince you that Josephus was
not numbered among the mighty men
OF earth. He had tried various ways
of making n living. and In pursuing
them he had got the reputation of be-
ing keen. He had ut last turned ped
dler and was driving a horse and
wagon around the country with dry
goods. notions. groceries and tlnware
That's the way he came to meet the
widow Sopher. who lived on farm.
The widow had passed forty. She
was large and bony and strong. She
was not handsome. The only thing on
earth she feared was the law. She
had once been arrested for kicking
man and had spent ten days in jail.
The sheriff had made her stay as
pleasant as possible. but she had new
err recovered from the shock
Peddlers are iovial lot. and so are
widows, and I'm time these two came
20 call each other Josh and Sally.
Things would have gone no further
but for the little mans keenness. He
never made n sale 10 the widow with
out cheating her, and one day when
he heard that she had come into pos
death of n brother Josephus saw his
way clear for the future. That money
would set up store i'm the village.
and he would become thriving mer-
chant.
JOsephus went counting. He found
the widow behind the plow in n field.
AS he courted she plowed. He had
no objections, as time was money TO
both of them. Josephus confessed
that he had entertained n sncaking
affection for the widow since his first
call. and. though she didn't say much.
she seemed pleased.
Josephus was told to call two weeks
later. but at the end OF nine days he
was back again. He said il was his
beating heart that fetched him. He
had cut the time down. but the widow
was ready for him. Several days pre-
vious she had gone to the village and
paid n lawyer So to answer the ques-
tom
Can the law trouble wife who
ticks her husband"
And his answer had been:
''Not If you do not lick him too hard
There is neither assault nor battery In
what may be called moderate licking.
Don't break any bones and don't seri-
ously injure his eyes"
II have been thinking" said the wild
ow TO Josephus; Il have been thinking
and wondering If you loved me-"
Heavens, can you doubt it," he ex-
claimed.
"And you will always love me?"
"Forever and foreverr'
"Then Wen say two months hence"
"One month-a week-a dayr
Josephus knew of store to rent in
The widow insisted that she must have
two weeks at the very shortest. and
date was settled on. The marriage was
to be private and be celebrated in her
home. In due time the happy day
came round-a preacher and two wit
nesses and the decd was done. An
hour later, as the happy couple were
left alone. the widow changed her
dress, rolled up her sleeves and brought
ont new horsewhip bought for the oc-
casion.
Whats up?" asked the wondering
Josephus
Take Off your coat and stand out"
For what. love? ] want to talk
with you about opening a store in
town"
PLENTY OF time for that. Josephus.
The first sale you made to me was five
yards of roller toweling. You beat me
on the price and on the measure. I'm
going TO tan your Jacket for it,
"But. love-
She took him by the collar and laid
on the whip till he hollered. A wo-
man who could twist plow around
In clay soil could handle the little
Josephus.
THE second SALE" continued the
wife as she rested, twas FIVE tin pans.
Four of them leaked. and you beat me
out of 10 cents beside. Here is lick
ing No. g"
But am your dear husband!" he
protested as he squirmed about.
"And that's why can lick you and
dodge the law. Here goesw
Josephus' hide was tickled again.
He attempted to fight. but was taken
by the hair and his head banged
against the wall till he grew quiet
When the performance was over and
the wife had got her breath she said:
"You sold me ten yards of calico for
n dress and warranted 1t to wash. l.
was three-quarters of yard short on
the measure and the colors ran into
each other Josephus. some more
ell have you arrested for thisv'
'You can't. That's what paid IS
TO make sure Of. Come to timer
And Josephus was licked for selling
short weight groceries. and for charg-
ing 80 cents too much for n pair of
shoes. and for selling black stockings