Morris tribune., 1911-07-21

| their present employers should circum-
stances or higher pay so decree.
1t is with professional baseball that
the game ceases to become a matter
of personal pride and becomes merely
| a question of civic supremacy. There
is as much difference between profess
| sional baseball players and amateur
! baseball players as between Hessians
and minutemen. But people who have
| never known minutemen cannot be
| blamed for liking Hessians.
! The great American game is popu-
| lar, vastly so, and as long as 1t is con-
Quoted honestly and honorably las 1t
generally Isl and amuses the people
| (as it generally does) one might run
| the risk of being deemed captious If
one deplored it's existence on grounds
of professionalism.
Of course you have been to ball
game. Everybody has.
There's scarce a man with soul so dead
That he neer to himself hath said,
"My grandmother shall die today,
And TIL go see the Giants play"
And the grandmother gag worked
very well, too. in the days of your
youth, and you could have her very
i'll a couple Of times before you we're
finally compelled to exterminate her.
But when you grew older you had to
invent other things. Once in awhile
you could be sick yourself, If you pre-
pared for 1t judiciously by incoming
around the Office a couple of days be.
fore the game, complaining that you
didn't feel we'll and that you just
knew that you were coming down with
grip. And then on the day in ques-
ton you could have your wife call up
your employer on the phone about II
o'clock and tell him that you had been
trying to go down to the Office all
the morning and were so eager to get
to your work that they had to throw
you down and sit on you and that
you were suffering terribly with pains
in the small of the back and cold feet
and spots before the eyes and had
temperature of a III degrees Faren-
heit, but that the doctor thought you'd
be able to get down to work on the
next day If you stayed at home and
had complete rest, although, of
course, he couldn't tell definitely until
your case had developed a little fur
ther.
And then in the afternoon you'd
sneak off for the Polo grounds, keep
ing a weather eye peeled in case you
should chance to meet some one from
the Office, and whenever you saw an
old man with a silk hat on you'd duck
around a corner and hide there until
he was out of sight.
You go up to the grounds in the sub
way or maybe the elevated they run
each other a very close race for second
place., and all the way up you stand
wedged a bit more closely than the
laws of nature allow between fat
woman, who tries to sink your floating
ribs by punching holes in them with
the point of an umbrella, and an i'm
ported American of the common or
garden variety, commonly known as
guinea" who seems to have pretty
we'll cornered the smell market and
who finds your feet much more CON-
Portable place to stand on than the
floor. And on either side of you are
complaining juveniles, who eat large,
venerable, squashy peaches and then
drop the parts for which they have no
use in the cuffs of your trousers.
At length, after about six or seven
cons have elapsed, the guard shoves
his face in at the door at the end of
the car and gives an imitation of a
man with harelip and a split palate
in the throes of chronic indigestion.
Then everybody begins all at once to
try to climb up your back. Some one
kicks you on the shin. Some one else
tries industriOusly to step on that part
Of your feet that isn't already occu-
pied by the common or garden Ameri
can, who, by the way, is the only per-
son in the car who doesn't seem to be
in hurry. Somebody else sticks an
angular elbow like a brass knuckle /
into your left eye. and yet another |
somebody prods you couple of times |
in the small of the back with some !
thing that feels like one of those |
things that are used to settle protrud |
ing cObblestOnes. And at length you |
are swished out upon platform some |
where to find yourself teetering along |
in a turgid torrent of turbulent, tenn
pestuous humanity.
After awhile you come to long
enough to hand your money to man
behind a little window, who thrusts
ticket into your face and tells you to
"git out O. de way an give de odder
guys a chancet," a thing which you
couldn't help doing if you wanted to.
and then once again into the vortex.
Your next lucid interval finds you
sitting on the soft side of hard board
in the sun and trying to keep out of
the way of a stampede of people who
seem to be much more eager to step
on you than anywhere else, and then
after another interval things begin to
calm down bit, and at last you feel
that you can drop your haggard; har-
nj 1ot fon