Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-12
JOYS OF GARDEN MAKING
A Few Cynical Remarks on the
sRrinEtlme Ambitions of
Mere Man.

How much would you charge" asked
the professor. ITO work for me an hour or
two every afternoon during the spring and
summer? I am thinking seriously Of hav-
ing q garden, and won't have time to take
entire charge Of it,"
"Td charge about 81 a minute" replied
the low-browed man 81 make the price
especially low because of personal friend
ship To anybody else my price would be
prohibitive. But. casting aside unseemly
evity and persiflage, when you see me
sweating around another mans garden at
any price youll know that pigs are flying
You say you are going to establish a gar
den, but won't have time to run It your
self. That's always the way with gardens.
Every American citizen likes to have a
garden with lot of cuoumbers and horse
radishes In IT, but he wants to see some
body else do the filling and toiling He
wants to sit on the back porch with his-feet
on the railing and smoke his trusty pipe.
and hand down ukases and such things to
the wretched hireling who is pulling weeds
and decorating the ground with a hoe. II
man lives alone he never thinks of hav-
ing garden but II he has a wife and
daughters and other easy marks he is
anxious to raise his own vegetables. and
he keeps the women drilling around In the
backyard all summer
when l was a beautiful little boy had
several brothers OF assorted ages, and my
father was great garden fan. He made
us labor in his vineyard when we wanted
to so fishing. We carried water 10 his
vines and bushes when we should have
been at the circus, storing out minds with
useful knowledge. He used to promise us
Il penny an hour each for the time we mt
In wrestling with those vegetables. but he
never had the advantage of a course at a
memory school, and 80 forgot to Iiquidate.
He still owes me a good deal of money for
labor performed and, as he has been dead
a dozen years, an early settlement seems
improbable. hRven's the proper feeling of
reverence for my deceased parent on that
| account. Fathers should take warning and
cough up che coin when their children have
earned It.
When there was a specially fine yege-
table In the garden father would take n
down town and show It to his friends and
point with pride, and so he acquired quite
reputation as a gardener. but all the
WORK was done by his offspring. and bs
Just sat under a tree and threw clods a,
US when we stopped to draw a long breath
Ever since those melancholy days 1 have
had a prejudice against gardening. Aunt
Julla Is good sport and recognizes that
prejudice, and never asks me to take a fail
out OF the onion bed or do any Ghost dan
eng among the squash vines She soas
pul INTO the garden and does yeoman ser,,.
ice, throwing the harpoon into the weeds
ana making life a travesty to the notato
pues' out she never passes me any uncom.
PORTABLE hints when she sees me sitting on
the fence. y"
/ IL you will take my advice, professor
youli pass up the garden proposition and
guy your vegetables at the harness store
man cant have garden without helms
bore. There was a guy named Weather.
wax lived next door to us for a year II,
had always lived IN a fiat and he rno,s1
out mere TO the suburbs on purpose 10 do J
gardening stunt. He had been read,,s
some book that got his inteIlects o,,t >,
plumb Wen, sir that man was the 49,
est nuisance l ever saw.
AT first he was sbmewhat anusIn,,
IN the course OF time he became an sf,,t.
uon' He was always calling me oyor :,
MS garden TO look al some new vago,a, ~,
wonder. Every little thing was a me-
TO him and he wanted the whole naighhe,.
mood to see II and get excited 81. -.
always dancing around his garden utta,,n,
yeips and shrieks OF delight. and he usa'
20 so out At night with lantern to wstcI
the onions growing. '''
one night / had gone to bed tired an,
worn and was having ali kinds OF a dr.,
"neh Aunt julia raped at my door an,
aeio mere must be something wrong owe
WeatherwaX's. for he was calling m,
.l1h'iosiH' hastily donned a peignol
, ~. ssuinsote and soooted over there. an
found that blamed idiot FLOATING o. 80 -.-
BEANS that were Just pushing thsrosoI,..
out Of the ground
i was In bad temper. as a man .l,vs,,
Is when reused from a refreshin9 49,,
sha said things that lea to bloodsbed
harvested black eye. but you sbould he,
seen Weatherwax.. walt Mason An Oh,
eagO News IN