davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
GRAND OLD MONROE DOCTRINE

From the Houston Post
 The pitiful but unavailng plea of Turkey to the European powers to in tervene and prevent her from being mereflessly plucked by Italy is tragic incident Illustrative of the processes by which Christian civilization" is being advanced"
 The United States takes so little hand
 in the politics and warfare of Europe that the progress of hostilities between the two nations eXcites only moderate degree of interest here. But when thoughtful Americans reflect on the tensity of feeling in diplomatic circles in Europe over the situa tion, they will feel a deeper appreciation of the fact that we have a Monroe doctrine to in Bfluence the destinies of the western hemisphere. That doctrine forever in- hibits the despoilment of weak nations on this side the Atlantic by the' powers on the other side whose greed for terri tory finds no permanent appeasement.
 The Monroe droctrine is recognized by the courts of Europe only because 1t is upheld and defended by a nation lNdL DdS never Dttl NnipPSh, anu cur tinues firm in the belief that all Eu rope could not prevail against it in any attempt that might be launched to overthrow the principle.
 Had it not been for this national conviction" says the Syracuse Post Standard, declared repeatedly by our statesmen of both parties, guarded carefully in every negotiation at The Hague or in treaties with other nations who can doubt that South America would now be in process of division among the powers of Europe, as Africa is? England would be taking charge of the custom houses and reorganizing the army in one part; Germany would be conducting a pacific penetration in an other, and France would be acknowl edged as having predominant interests in third"
 So, every American may well thank his stars that we have q Monroe doe Urine, and he should ever pray that not even the assertion of the principle of recall shall proceed far enough to elim- mate it from among the established policies of this government.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
The Farm Movement

q was glad to learn through the Age Herald that quite a number of German American families of truck farm eX- perience had settled in Jefferson coun- ty within the past few months" said a member of the Chamber of Commerce 0 who takes special interest in the farm movement
 q heard Secretary Hechinger of the farm movement committee of the Cham Der of Commerce farm department say the other day that fully 75 families had settled in the county within the present year he was inclined to think that the number was over 100.
 These desirable newcomers have bought small farms here as result of the work done by MT. Hechingor, backed 'by the Chamber of Commerce. was talking to a prominent corpora ton official not long ago about this farm movement. He said 1t was one
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
THE oHAMBERMAID.s "RoLL,

From the New York Sun.
 When the occupant of room in q hotel telephones downstairs for the manager at midnight, 1t is sure sign in the office that the kick that is com ing is going to be life-sized So when the room clerk at the Gotham, who happened to be the highest in authority at that hour started upstairs to re- ceive what was coming he was pre- pared for the worst.
 Instead the man who had telephoned greeted him with a smile.
 Say" he remarked, T expected to get my bill today, but hardly expected to find lot of money on my floor. Look at it."
 The floor was covered with silver and small bills. The clerk counted the money, and found there was $97 of it.. The only clew he had as to the owner was little bag. Next morning bright and early one of the chambermaids re- ported she had lost her roll, which she had been in the habit of carrying in s little bag in her stocking, and as she named the sum correctly she received the money that had been found the night before.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
DYKE WAS TRICKED

W. M. Thaekeray. The Four Georges.
 George IV).
 In Gilray's caricatures, and amongst
 Foxs jolly associates, there figures a
 great nobleman, the Duke of Norfolk, called the Jockey of Norfolk in his
 time, and celebrated for his table ex-
 ploits. He had quarreled with the prince, like the rest of the whigs, but sort of reconciliation had taken place; and, now beir:g a very old man, the prince invited him to dine and sleep at the pavilion, and the old duke drove over from his Castle of Arundel with his famous equipage of gray horses, still remembered in Sussex.
 The Prince of Wales had concocted with his royal brother a notable scheme for making the old man drunk. Every person at the table was enjoined to drink wine with the duke-a chal- lenge which the old toper did not re- fuse. He soon began to see that there was a conspiracy against him; he drank glass for glass; he overthrow many of the brave.
 At last the First Gentleman of Europe proposed bumpers of brandy. One of the royal brothers filled a great glass for the duke. He stood up and tossed off the drink. "Now," says he. "I will have my carriage and go home.' The prince reminded him of his promise to sleep under the roof where he had been so gen crously entertained No" he said; he had had enough of such hospitality. A trap had been set for him. he would leave the place at once and never enter it's doors more.
 The carriage was called and came; but in the half hours interval the liquor had proved too potent for the old man, and the dukes old gray head lay stupefied upon the table. Nevertheless when his postchaise was announced he staggered to it as well as he could, and stumbling in, bade the postillions drive to Arundel. They drove him for half an hour round and round the Pavilion lawn the poor ole man fancied he was going home. When he awoke in the morning he was in bed at the princes hideous house at Brighton. The trees are still there, and the gravel walks round which tho poor old sinner was trotted. l can fancy the flushed faces of the royal princes as they supported themselves st the portico pillars, and looked on at old Norfolk's disgrace; but I can't fancy how the man who perpetrated it continued to ba all al
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
-ANNABEL LEE

By Edgar Allan Poe. It was many and many year ago., In a kingdom by the sea. That a maiden there lived whom you may
 know
 By the name of Annabel Lee; And this maiden she lived with no other
 thought
 Than to love and be loved by me. was child and she was child In this kingdom by the sea; Dut we loved with a love that was more l and my Annabel Lee; With lovef that the winged seraplls of
 heaven,p azssre s,-a- Coveted her and me. -i., Anc this was the reason that, long ago, In this kingdom by the sea, t>s A wind blew out of a cloud. chilling My beautiful Annabel Lee; Al .fs So that her high born kinsmen came And bore her away from me. To shut her up in q sepulchre In this kingdom by theNsea. -' The angels. not half so happy in heaven, Went envying her and me M les. that was the reason (as all men
 know.
 In this kingdom by the seal That the wind came, out of the cloud by
 night.
 Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee. But our love it was stronger by far than
 the love s.s..s' Of those who were older than we < Of many far wiser than we And neither the angels in. heaven above, Nor the demons down under the sea, Can ever dissever my soul from the soul Of my beautiful Annabel Lee. For the moon never beams without bring
 ing me dreams q 4 -2 4S~sS {. Of the beautifuL Annabel Lee; Ard the stars never rise. hut I feel the
 bright eyes 3a ss or the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise but I feel the
 bright eyes - Of the beautiful Annabel Ice; And so. all the night, tide. lie down by
 the side f8&H sv&T Of my darlins-my darlng-my life and
 my bride In the sepulclre there by the sea. -n her tomb by the sounding sea.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
Unjust Criticism of Woodrow Wilson

The standpat organs are accusing Woodrow Wilson of an attempt to win over Wall street and the magnates and even the trusts, for these organs stop at nothing. The new crusade is based on Governor Wilson's Red Bank speech in which he simply de- precated the uncertainty that affects business because of the conflicting utterances and acts of the administra- ton. q say" he said in conclusion at Red Bank, "that the only thing that this country should insist upon is that affairs should be taken charge of by some persons with definite opinions and absolutely unconquer- able results, and then say what they are going to do, because you want to know whether they are wise and sound men or not, and after you de- ternaine that they arc trustworthy
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
From the Washington Post.

From the Washington Post "HE proneness of man to indulge in
 his little joke is so deep seated that
 ! the tendency may well be consid- cred an integral part of his being. An effort, therefore, to trace the joke back to its dim beginning would, if successful apparently solve the genesis of man him self.
 The earliest known joke, according to antiquarians, was perpetrated in the sixth Egyptian dynasty, about 320o B. C., the record having been preserved in one Of the Berlin papyri. According to this doc ument. a certain scribe, working for the temple of Thoth, had for neighbors cop persmith and a carpenter on either side. Annoyed by their incessant din. he craft ily buttonholed the artisans separately and bribed them to change their lodgings, which they dld-with one another.
 This is fairly good, showing as it does that the learning of the ancient Egyptians In nowise interfered with their sense of humor. Why the scholar did not move instead is not made apparent. Perhaps then, as now, the scholar did aught but the obvious thing; anyhow, his oversight was fortunate, being essential to the joke itself.
 Those accustomed to look upon the Bible altogether as a fetich. and not as a com pilation wherein, among other things, man is presented in his true state, may ob- ,ect to the idea that 1t contains traces of humor. It was, perhaps, a rash sug-
 TDt1.r :1l.1 uttered at the landing of the Ark, when the cat turned to the rhino and asked "Is that Ararat?" This purely apochry-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
ECONOMIZING
From the Buffalo Express.

From Lne BuIiaIO ENpTeSs.
 The young man and woman from Smalltown were on their wedding trip and he was spending money generously They stayed at the good hotels, went from city to city in Pullmans and rode unnumberel times in the taxis and sight seeing ears
 There was a good show at one of the theatres and they decided to see it. She did not accompany him when he went to got the tickets. I'll buy two good seats," he assured her.
 No, mo- she replied, just rent them for tonight"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
Matinee Hour Changed

It would be difficult to find two more attractive programmes than those an nounced for the United States Marine con- certs at the Jefferson theater tomorrow (Friday).
 The afternoon performance will begin at o'clock instead of 2:30 as previously advertised. This change is made in CT der to accommodate the school children who will be present in large numbers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

of the most practical enterprises that
 had been undertaken in recent years.
 He thought that if 25 truck farmers came and settled here the first year all the money and efforts expended local ly would be well worth while, because the hardest work Is to get movement like this under way. If, he said, only 25 came this year, many more would come next year and, at the end of five years, Jefferson county's population would be Increased something like 500o in this horticultural class. Alabama is naturally a wealthy state-wealthy in tilling the ground. 1 predict that in five years Alabama will be richer by 50 per cent than it is now
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
THE NOBEL LITERARY PRIZE

From the New York Times.
 The report that Maurice MaeterlinclS will receive, through the award of the Swedish academy, the Alfred B. Nobel p,ize for literature this year ought to be well founded Maeterlnc1 is certainly en- titled to this recognition as a producer of excellent literature of an idealstic ten dency. He compares favorably with all the other recipients of this desirable prize. which amounts to about $40,000, though the objection may be made in some other countries that two French writers have slready received prizes, and this will be the third awarded to that country. But though Maeterlinck writes in French he is c Belgian and the award will probably be accredited to that country. Thus far the literary prize has been bestowed upon su,ly Prudhomme, Frederic Mistral Mcmmsen, ;Eucken, Bjoernson, E&egaray, Carducci Sienkiewicz Selma Lagerlof, and I<ipling. As an idealistic writer Mae terlincl5 certainly compares favorably with aE5 of these.
 We hear very little of these prizes ex- cept at the time of their award. It can | spurred any writer to new and higher efforts, or has strongly influenced his con- lemporaries. Nobody, so far as the world knows. tries to pull wires to get Nobel prize, and the award of one seems to add nothing to the stature of its recipient in the public esteem. Yet there must be ?oets and writers of prose in countries as yet overlooked by the Swedish academy in it's annual outgiving, who are strongly hoIing to get one Thus far the literary prize has not fallen to Denmark, Hoi- land, Russia, Hungary or Austria, or the United States. Nevertheless, the appro- priateness of the selection of Maeterlincs is not to be questioned seriously He has fairly won his place in the front rank of living authors.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press.
 Keeping out of jail can make some mon think they are honest.
 What would be the use of bad temper to man if he didn't have a family to vent 1t on?
 girl never gets tired of dancing so that she can always get tired of helping her mother
 The higher the opinion you have of yourself the better it would be for you if some of 1t were deserved.
 The only thing that seems to cost more than following somebody elses advice is following your own judgment. Hafi47S9 ..$0srh dluetaoishrdiutao
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
HOW INDIANS GET TIIEI, NAMES

Washington Letter to the Boston Adver-
 tiser.
 .. Relief is shown by those that love the picturesque in Indian names that these are still found to the fore with old tiine weirdness in nearly all cases where ln- dan nomenclature figures in public prints There are some new men on the Carlisle Indian football teams and some OF the new Indian pgskin warriors are She Bear. Big Bear, Wounded Eye and Long Roach. !. Recently q long list of Indian names published at the Shoshone Indian reser- vation disclosed that there exist anon, them Dirty Face Touch-on- the-Ground. One-Toe-Gone, Mrs Silk Underwear, Mrs. Shakespeare, and so on. IL is general assumption that the In.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
FORGETTING THE NALARENE
rk Telegram. h..

From the New York Telegram. ..
 Catch Avery Hopwood, the dramatist, In quiet corner after dinner and some good stories are sure to fall from those quizzfcal lips of his.
 "I spent a few days recently, he will tell you, fin an exclusive suburban town where the most fashionable flock needed a new shepherd.
 ''Out of many possible rectors the choice narrowed at last to two, both equally able. One man belonged in the town. The other wasa stranger.
 'Thef stranger was chosen
 Why didn't you select the man of your own town? I asked one of the war dens.
 ''He hesitated at first. fE
 Well, he confessed finally we couldn't very well accept man for our spiritual leader whose father was q tradesman, walking about town in his shirt sleeves and filling 8 very humble position in life
 q was interested. What was his trader 1 asked.
 He was merely a carpenter an- sv cred the warden"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

dians are themselves responsible for these names, whereas as matFr of fact the names are given them by white officers on the reservations.
 It is not always easy to ascertain what the Indian is called in his own language and especially so when a recording clerk is in hurry. So he puts down Indian rames by an idea that comes to his mind. and usually from some characteristic con- spicuousness in the Indian in mind, and inc more absurd the characteristic tho more available it seems And the Indian is absolutely content. He has no sense of humor anyway, and so he goes on liz ing out his life under the nomenclature the whites have provided for him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
ENsLAvED.

ENSLA ELI. poet sings his lady's charms In many a Hitting strain; But she still eludes his waiting arms And treats him with disdain. ] "Ch, heartless fair" he ought to say, ''I'll pine for thee no more; I'll cease to haunt from day to day, Thy proud paternai door. I'll find ne one whose beauty bright Doth dazzle every eye; Who seemeth to lilume the night Like stars IIi in ihe sky. And on me will she softly smile, Aware of all my worth, And my unhappiness beguile With sweetly fashioned mirth, Till I forget thy name and face And thy so high degree And nevermore recall the place Where I made love to thee" That's what he ought to say and do Alas for lovers pain! He still hangs round and doth renew His protestations vain.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Good" So far as we are concerned, he'll have to prove it.
 EASILY SATISFIED. 4 The hungry, shipwrecked seaman did not grumble at his fate; He merely took a calendar and bit him off date. S, t.t
 Dallas News. A single date did not, of course, his stonl- ach greatly cumber; Once more he started in to bite--this time a larger number.
 -Johnstown Democrat And, when his calendar ran out. he did not heave sigh. Because" he said, T still possess the apple of my eye"
 Milwaukee Sentinel should apple dumplings," he declared, ''e'er get beyond my reach, I know a place where I can go and find little beach,"
 Louisville Post. And if that little peach said yes, so loving and so fair, We venture to assume that they would shortly be pair.
 QUITE LIKELY, "Tho Turco-Italian war doesn't seem to be very bloody affair" Quite so. I dare say there is more blood shed in the Chicago stociyards in the course of an hour than will be shed during the entire Turco-Italian squabble3'
 THE POOR sAvANT. A certain wise geologist His days in delving spent: And while he dug up many things. Could not dig up the rent. roo MUCH PRONUNCIATION. About it's name I had no doubt When l arrived at Terra Haute. Bu. soon met gay galoot Who said the town was Terra Hoot. I might have had plain sailing, but Another called it Terra Hut. And others, I was pained to note, Were pleased to call 1t Terra Hote. And then I gave it up, you know, And moved away to KolIomo.
 Louisville Courier-Journal
 ALL WIND. "Did Miss Flipper de Floy, the comed- ienne give breezy performance?" 'No, but her press agent is the breeziest man l have ever met"
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

X young New Yorker who has entered Harvard had 20 suits, 10 pairs of shoes and six trunks in his outfit. The big col leces are evidently raising their requre- .aents for admission.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Johndee's private wire may simply be Cor the purpose of enabling him to keer t'p with the baseball championship series by innings
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

After trial of 5CO0 years more or less China wants to discard an autocracy to make way for Lorinerism and the other incidents of republic.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

The Chinese government put a price of $92j,0Oo on the head of Dr. Sen Yat Sen and he left China secretly. He is born refornier and revolutionist.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Even the first president of the United States wore a pig tail Speak kindly, then, of the Celestials who have just dis Carded them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Eighty dealers engaged in selling inn York Let the good work go on in all .rarts of the country, even in Birming- ham. -------
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Sen Yat Sen may be a name to conjure with, but as yet he has not demonstrated his capacity as great popular leader and liberator. N
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
ANTIQUITY OF JOKES

pnal conversation does not interfere with the fact that germ of the mother-in-law joke may be found in Genesis, xvi, where the daughters of Eeth brought much grief of mind to the family into which they married. The Book of Kings is also not without a touch of sardonic mirth, as when Elijah coped with the prophets of Baal. mocking them for their failure to lring down fire from heaven, saying "Cry aloud, for he is god either he Is talk ing, or he is pursuing, or he is in a jour- ney, or peradventure he sleepeth and must be awakedr' This is confessedly only moderately good humor judged by mod ern standards. Yet. tue false prophets must have been totally destitute of the powers of recrimination, seeing that they cried aloud and cut. themselves with fniyes in their inability to, return a more effectual answer ,r.f.-y. - aa
 The Berlin payrus, the Bible, the upa. n.snads, and other ancient documents all lend their testimony that jokes of more or less point were prevalent at the time of those writings. But their actual origin must go much farther back, Preadamite rian doubtless, played pranks upon his neighbor, and doubtless, in so doing at times got himself in the hole. It is not likely that a jovial cave dweller has at some time or other rolled the stone across the mouth of their common quarters, shutting his mate out with the saber- toothed tiger. only to discover that he had shut himself in with the shaggy cave bear? Or that, at the very start, there
 
 wto, disentangled from the primeval coze, made merry over the others still struggling to get out.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
SIR wILrRID LAuRIER,s REPORT
From tho London Chronicic. VI

Sir Wilfrid Laurier is the thinest of prcmiers, and his ready wit on ono occasion at least turned his physical slimness to account in political com bat. One day q portly conservative op- ponont arose in the chamber and ac- cuscd Sir WIlfrid of "fattening on the toll and sweat of the people" Lauriei smiled and said sweetly:
 .I leave this house to judge which of us two is the more exposed to thai charge"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Wu Chang is city of 6)0.0eo people bat few had heard of it until the revolil. tlonists had captured it. f
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Woodrow Wilson should never be con- founded with Tama Jim Wilson of ben zeate of soda fame.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19
PROFITABLE CHANGE.

''Whats become of the deaf and dumb man who used to solicit aims at this corner?"
 oh. he quit the deaf and dumb bust ress because he couldn't make it pay. I understand he is doing very well now as the sightless father of F children.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Candidates dislike to file expense ac- counts, but law is law, and it has to be cone under oath.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

The Chinese are preparing to apply the recall to their little 6-year-old Emperor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Nr. Taft is approaching Salt Lake and also Salt river The latter is one year and five months away
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

The woman of California say the intelli- genee of their state Is to be found in iso- lated localities.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Mere man is losing his exclusive grip upon the suffrage.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Il is positively unkind in the Italians to inflict cholera on the Tripolitans.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Cooking in paper bags is but a scheme Of the paper trust to swell profits.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

The McNamaras are to be tried by q jury and by big corps of correspond ents.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

The wedding of the handsomest trained nurse in America Is fast becoming an ev- efyday announcement.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-19

Aviator Rogers should hurry up if he vents to outdo the man of 'i9 with an OK team.