The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1911-01-20
HE STATED ONCE.
Ice Artist Who Thought He Gould Give
This Generation Some Points.

81 have been down by the pond, watch,
ing the boys skating" said the, retired
merchant, "and they're not in the same
class with the boys of 30 years, ago. was
the king bee of our neighborhood then,
and don't believe I've forgotten the fne
curves of the game yet I'm going to Dig
up a pair Of skates this afternoon ana go
things that will make them lean against
each other and gasp,
"Don't be such chump," objected the
hotel keeper. "You may have been won
derful skater when you were young, but
that was hundred years ago, and you've
become ossifed since then, and il you go
fooling around on that ice down there the
undertakers will have to scrape you up
with a trowel.
Il was Just such chump as you few
years ago. When | was boy, l could
skate in several languages, and won
thousands of gold medals and blue RIB,
bons at different times. Henry ward
Beecher and Horace Greeley and other
great men of that period used to go into
ecstasies over my skill. Then l grew up
and went into the hotel business, and
never saw pair of skates for two or
three decades.
"Then, one fine, wintry day four or
five years ago, / happened to go down to
the pond and saw the boys circling around
in an awkward way, and | thought, just
as you do now, that it was my duty to
show what real Statesman OF the old
school of craftsmanship could do when
he girded his loins. a.
Il went home and dug up the skates
that my grandfather wore at Lexington
when he but the British to flight, and
fastened them on my feet and shot out
on the ice like a meteor. 1t was my IN,
tenton to cut some pigeon wings and
figure Fights and geometric designs, and
other fanciful devices, but somehow l lost
control of my legs, and the first thing l
knew [ was standing on my head, looking
at a whole planetary system.
"That was the hardest ice ever saw
1t was the vitrifed kind such as they
cut up into paving bricks. Hard as 1t was,
| made a large dent in it with my head
In the spring, when the ice was gone,
there was depression in the water, and
its there to this day. So you can figure
out for yourself how hard i landed. l was
lying there" .,
Even as you are lying to this day"
interrupted the retired merchant. :,
Don't try to be too smart. 1t will I'M
dermine your health | am telling you the
truth, for your own good. A number OF
alexis rushed to my assistance and helped
me to my feet, and asked me the usual
fool questions They wanted to know. why
[ didn't fasten my skates on my head,
and wear earmuffs on my feet. Now, if
I'd had any sense I'd have quit right
there, acknowledging that I didn't know
how to skate, but there's no fool like an
old fool, as Rienzi said in his address to
the Romans.
80 I laid the blame on the skates and
had them readjusted, and then started
out once more after having my head
tied together with piece of rope.
81 had such laundering headache that
I couldn't see straight, and the first thing
l did was to cavort into an airhole. The
water under that airhole was five miles
deep. Maybe you think it was nice warm
water, such as you find in the bathroom
of this hotel Doggone it, sir, that water
was shipped in from Spitzbergen. 1t was
melted ice, and nothing less. | went down
about four miles and a half to see how
much Of it there was, and then | shot up
as though I had been fired from gun,
and struck my head against the under side
of the ice and knocked hole through it,
and the alexis who were watching my
achievements grabbed me and pulled me
out.
ut took me three years to thaw out,
and my heads never been Of much use
since And I've been guyed about it to
this county were, down on the ice that
day, and every time one of them comes
in here he asks me why l don't start a
correspondence school and teach people
how to skate by mail. Chicago News.