Omaha daily bee., 1911-11-16

Amid the jangle and wrangle OF rival
bandwagons carrying aspirants for the
democratic nomination for the pres-
dency there comes a note OF peace and
joyful comfort for the confused multi
tude Colonel Henry Watterson the
premier vocalist OF the old Kentucky
home. comes forth with a presidential
platform worth while. Not only Is It
sound timber and fire proof; It has the
grain that improves with rubbing. Mr..
watterson has not formally launched his
candidacy. lie prefers to give advance
notice OF the wonders he will perform
when he gets to the White House we'll
knowing how readily the sovereigns Of
the country will rally around his standard
as soon as they comprehend what's com.
ing All other candidates viii get the
hook
Mr.. Wattersons announcement was
made by himself in his address at che
| Press club banquet in honor OF President
| Taft in Louisville on the Sth inst. Here
are the joyful words:
| Gentlemen. my motto has always been
Never say die" 1t is not yet too late
for me! Don't think it, And--and-when
| am president I'll show you a thing or
/
and meaning to choose my own company
I shall put a stop to the all-around- the.
circle handwriting business. No more
peripatetlc speechmaking-sho ar
rows into the air. No more White House
receptions-levees. aping royalty, they
call them at Washington. No more office
seeking rushes in mine.
! ppanR1fAa L..
Colonel Watterson gosslped about the
presidency and presidents as follows:
1t is my fixed belief that presidents
arc born, not made; born to the prCsi-
dency as surely as those little puppets
over yonder We call kings and emperors
are born to the purple
Since lS45 but two or three, Buchanan
and Mckinley, maybe Taft, were seri-
ously thought of two years before their
nominations. You can figure II out fol
yourselves. In 1874, Polk was a weak
asplrant for the vice presidential NOM
ination. In 1s43, Franklin Pierce quilted
Washington, where he was doing no
good for himself. to return as presI-
dent in 1S53-ten short years later
nothing except his nomination in 1852,
which took even the convention that
mado 1t by surprise, having happened
In the meantime remotely to suggest
him In that connection. Five or six
years before he took the oath of chief
magistrate Grover Cleveland, a sheriff
In western New York, stood upon a
scaffold and hanged two malefactors,
Two years before his nomination Lin
coin had not had the famous debate
with Douglas that brought him into the
running. Taylor and Grant and Roose-
velt were the merest creations of war.
Tyler was christened Ills Accidency."
Hayes, Garfield, Arthur and the second
Harrison. were to the last moment un-
expected and might have been. so called,
except that destiny were yet a filter
and more applicable title"
Access to the executive mansion NAV be
obtained only by card. or countersIgned
appointment. I shall at once abrogate the
civil service law, abolish the civil ser
vice commission and give General Black
and his interesting colleagues twenty -four
hours to got out OF town. Then | will
recreate the official fabric in my own
likeness and fill the places Of honor and
trust and profit 70 suit myself according
: to the merit system of my personal pre-
, ference and regard. Let them call II
"favoritlsm" as much as they please
None but friends tried and true will bC
allowed to hang about the premises. The
letters that spell the word "nepotsm'
: shall be dropped from the alphabet.
l will dissolve both parties, No mans
coat--no party labels--shall stand betwixt
, me and any good fellow. Being a devoteS
! to peace and in favor OF arbitration and
the two Taft treaties with England and
. France, 1 will take Mr.. Turk and Mr.
: Dago each by the scruff OF his neck and
pitch them into the Mediterranean ses
and hoist the Stars and Stripes ovei
Tripoli!
, will readjust our loose currency. M
more poverty. l win emasculate tho
!, trusts. - Pierpont" and John D.
shall roar so gently that even Williap
jennings Bryan shall say 'let them roal
: again" Every man shall have his pockets
! crammed with treasury certificates; be
cause my system of fiscal reform-ai
simple and dead easy as falling off
!. log-putting AldHch and his monetary
y commission to blush-will be to estimat.
the exact value of all the gold and sllve
IN the earth and issue legal tender note
for the full amount; saving the eNpens,
V of mining, minting and transportation
q saving argument. time and trouble. Il
n short, l will make Teddy green Will
# envy. and old Taft 10 turn over in hii
I sleep and murmur, Lord, why didn't
y think Of IT."
!. II / have not quite put you to sleep le
l. me tell you a story. Just after the in
auguration of Garfield he was impor
tuned 10 make a place for a friend, o
course from Ohio, by turning a certain
:, old gentleman out OF a law office he haC
fora long time held in the Treasury de
partment Garfield refused and per
sistently refused. "WhyY' he was asked
Because" said he, Il cannot reconclI,
> II TO my conscience to turn capable anC
, meritorious old man out OF a little nos