The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1911-04-20
Bred in Old Kentucky.
New York Herald.)

New York Herald.)
Kentucky has long been known as
the mother of wit and eloquence as
we'll as the State of feuds. This State
produced her Henry Clay, her Breck-
inridges, her Wattersons, her Crit
tendens, her Calhouns, and now she
is coming forward with a new school
of orators, scholars and poets.
w. P. Kimball, formerly represen-
tative, easily heads the list as an af-
ter-dinner speaker and has close
second in COL George Balm, the we'll
known temperance lecturer, while
Judge James Mulligan is real wit
and poet.
1t was while in Boston delivering
lecture to choice crowd of blue
stocking temperance people that Col.
Balm was accosted with the question:
"How is it, Colonel Balm, that you
have the nerve to preach temper
ance when you come from Kentucky,
the State that has more distilleries
than any other State in the union?'
For a moment, and only for mo-
ment, Colonel Balm was embarrass-
ed. Then came the reply without
hesitancy:
"Oh, yes. Kentucky-Kentucky, the
State where 1 was born;
"Where the corn is full of kernels
and the colonels full of corn"
Returning home from Washington
after serving his term in congress a
banquet was rendered to Mr.. Kimball.
He had expected to make speech in
which he would review his congress
sional career. To his surprise the
toastmaster did not call for this, but
asked Mr.. Kimball to respond to the
toast Kentucky" The congressman
was clearly at loss, and in sheer
desperation he blurted out:
"Kentucky - fair Kentucky!"
Here he stopped to sip drink of
water. When he resumed there was
no hint of hesitancy.
Kentucky, the grandest State in
all the union-the State where the
ground is so mellow that all you have
to do is to tickle it's sides and it
yields abundant crops. Kentucky, O
Kentucky, where the grass is green
er, where the sky is bluer, where the
whiskey is better, where the women
are more beautiful, where the horses
are faster, where politics is rottener,
where the feuds are thicker, where
the mountains are higher and where
the valleys are lower than in any
other State in the union!
"Why, my God, gentlemen, believe
me, the mountains are so high in
Kentucky that from the topmost
mountain peak you may reach up
and tickle the feet of the sainted
Democrats who have gone before.
"And, gentlemen" here Kimball's
voice dropped to almost a whisper,
"the valleys are so Internally low
that you may reach down and hand
ice water to the Republicans who
have gone below"
But it remains for Judge James
Mulligan to reel off poetry extempo-
raneously by the foot, yard or mile.
Recently the Democrats of Ken
lucky suffered a crushing defeat and
commiserated one another at a
spread. One of the speakers had
declared that in his opinion Democ-
racy was dead. Judge Mulligan fol-
lowed him with what was considered
by those present as a fitting rebuke.
Here it is:
When Democracy Will Die.
When the lion eats grass like an OK
And the fishworm swallows the
whale,
When the terrapin knits wool socks
And the hare is outrun by the snail,
When serpents walk upright like
men
And doodle bugs travel like frogs,
When the grasshopper feeds on the
And feathers are found on hogs;
When Thomas cats swim in the air
And elephants roost upon trees,
When insects in summer are rare
And snuff never makes people
sneeZe,
When the fish creep over dry land
And mules on velocipedes ride,
When foxes lay eggs in the sand
And women in dreams take no
pride,
When Dutchmen no longer drink beer
And girls get to preaching on time,
When the billygoat butts from the
rear
Al L.,..o~ -. 1onrar ;c orinoo