Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-02-19
GRIDIRON CLUB ENTERTAINS


the most compromising nature were found
upon his person. such as a diagram show
ing where Hon. Cummins viii place a step
ladder on the back porch OF White House "
blue print Of Hon Taft's mind when Hon.
Hitchcock refused to be impelled with toe
Of boot out Of national republican COM
mittee." "phonograph record showing long
intervals Of silence at oyster Bay" and
measurements OF honorable hole into
which congress throws billion dollars each
year" Just when the excitement ran high
est Il was discovered that the pseudo SPY
was Richmond Pearson Hobson-the
Japanese war scare"
Blythe enough was the sprightly clerk
who announced to the diners that the house
had passed the reciprocity bill. which he
held in his hand. But he cut an awful
figure a few minutes later as he emerged
from the door OF the senate chamber. with
his clothes In tatters his hat knocked over
his eyes and the parchment OF the bill in
shreds-'sll that was left Of reciprocity"
Then for a moment the dining han with
its exquisitely beautiful floral embeliish-
ments was plunged into biackness, and the
great fiery gridiron over President Taft's
head faded away. In sepulchral tones a
lecturer lifted his voice amid the chill
silence and discoursed mournfully, and
then in turn with pungent wit upon public
men and measures. and shrieks Of laughter
were heard as a remorseless spotlight was
directed upon the shrinking victims Of his
shafts Of wit as they were each in order
disclosed TO their fellow guests,
Opposition Dinner Held.
Thinking that he had Quoted all oppose
ton In disposing Of the Committee of Fiji
teen" the newIy-instalied president Of the
club had been luiled into false security.
Before his very eyes a big table was spread
like magic in the open space below his seat
and in a twinkling an opposition dinner was
in fun blast over his protests. II appeared
that there were insurgents even in the
Gridiron club and they had taken this
method OF showing their Independence.
They utterly disregarded the president OF
the club and smugly constituted themselves
a mutual admiration society.
1T is perfectly wonderful how we do
IT," (meaning the dinner says one. 1T is
amazing that newspaper men should have
so much talent" volunteers another. to
which the third gravely assents. However
we admit It," Notable guests had these in
surgents, too. Among them were counter
felt presentments Of Carnegie, Tawney
Cannon. Sherman. Beveridge Fairbanks
and Champ Clark (all OF whom were pres
ent in the flesh at the real guest tables)
and these were called upon in turn to
briefly address the diners. Each Of the lit
tie speeches was bit OF delicious parody
upon the well-known oratoricai styles Of
the originals. Carnegie, for instance, OBJ
jected TO the number Of windows archi-
tects placed IN his libraries. as not afford
ing dead wall space in fifty-seven places
for his own name, and his ambition was
Ito die poor. but advertised"
Tawney was bitterly opposed to more
battleships and economy was his watch
word, but he stood for public buildings
galore and for the many creeks that needed
deepening.
Fairbanks had never attended a more
joyous dinner, wherefore he felt called
upon to add to the hiIarity by few words
In tribute TO the great leaders who nestled
beneath the messy tombstones Oh yonder
hills" He had mentioned them At the pre-
ceding club dinner. but felt justified in re-
curing to the subject because they are
still dead"
Vice President Shermans double told the
Inevitable ancedote. only in this case II
was unsReakabiy aged and shop-worn.
which can never be said of the original
article. He would like to be a newspaper
man. Let me but write the political news
OF the nation and the old guard win get
the votes" said he.
BeveridEe for the UpIft.
Beveridge's representative stood fear
lessly for the uplift" In fact he was the
uplift himself. He had never missed an
opportunity to make a speech and indeed
he had made a great many when there
were no opportunities" Champ Clark was
fairly obsessed with his love for Uncle
Joe. but, Of course. that had nothing 10 do
with the fact that he will be fusslnR
around on the floor OF the house when 1 am
up in the speakers chsir."
All of the speakers by a singular coinei-
'dence expressed their undying admiration
OF the Gridiron club. mo member OF which
had ever betrayed their confidence
Though few days after the Sentimental
Saints annual visitation, the Gridiron club
was resolved that its guests should NOT
suffer for their valentines and the pretty
missives were personally bestowed upon the
favored ones between courses bv an
pound Cupid with diaphanous wings Cand
little else). who cruelty insisted upon nro-
claiming aloud each choice bit OF sentiment
which generally was loaded with half con-
cealed jest at the expense of the recipient
Catching up and holding together the
various skits and adding to the jollity OF
the occasion we're the topical songs OF
the famous Gridiron quartet replete with
sparkling Ihumor. vet Astounding In the
sweetest melody President Taft was not
given the usual number OF turns on the red
hot gEidiron, 50 ne had a better opportunity
to enjoy himself and doubtless one OF the
songs especially appealed 10 his disabilities.
1t was entitled ~rhe Tariff whoop." and
pictured the plight OF a sturdy Kansas
member Of congress who had been shrek
ing for tariff reduction and
Kicked up such a TERRIBLE din
That President Taft suEgestively laughed
To cut rates he started right IN
RE framed Canadian treaty
Put farm products on the free list
But The Kansas insurgent held views so
divergent
He begged his colleagues TO deslsts.
And tbs solo IN the chorus rang out;
Great guns. Holy smokel Can't Bill Tan
take a joker
Carnegie received a special tribute, being
saiated IN q coon song beginning:
A man named Andrew Carnegie was bus,
giving things away.
he thought that he was Santa Claus ana