The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1911-03-02

That we never nave TO battle with dis
eases when it's cold?
When your children have the measles or
are laid up with the mumps
When the farmers in the mornings have
to thaw their frozen pumps,
When pneumonia, scarlet fever and q
score of other Ills
Keep the doctors hustling daily and in.
crease the monthly bills,
When the quinine you have taken plaques
you SO you cannot hear,
Oh how sweet 1t is to hear, to meet them
those whom winter serves to cheer.
Chicago Record Herald
The Bait.
'See here" said the quick lunch Gus.
toner to the waiter, why is 1t that
you are always out Of the speciality
you advertise? Today it is small steak
with mushrooms, Is cents And you
say you are all out. Confound it, you
are always out!''
Eyes. SIR" replied the waiter, with
gentle smile, "we make speciality of
being out, SIR" Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Found His Vocation
Mrs. Simper-Have you picked out a,
profession for little Willy yet?
Mrs. Snarler-Oh. yes. We, are 60
ing to make a doctor Of him.
"And why a doctor?"
"Oh, he always seems so pleased
when anybody sticks out his tongue
Spokane Spokesman Review.
Timely Discovery.
Scriberton with newspaper)-An6
now they're using large electro-mag.
nets for raising sunken metal.
Dobberton-I wonder if l could bor>
row small one somewheres.
Scribberton-You? What for?
Dobberton-My watch Is in soak
Illustrated Sunday Magazine.
An Unnecessary Expense. 90.
The Mother-Now that Title is 60
ing to the young ladies' seminary she
needs new wardrobe.
The Father-How much?
ooh, couple of thousand"
"Um! Don't educate her. No one
will know the difference"-Life.
Or Ever Will Be.
Mr.. Travels hear young May Pc
CHS Is quite belle now. They say
she Is prettier now than she ever
was
Miss Chellus-Exactly; they say she
Is prettier than she ever was or is
Catholic Standard and Times.
An Effective Way.
did Jones finally get separation
from his wife p asked Milligan.
eyes," said Willoughby.
"Renor asked Milligan.
NO." said Willoughby: "he bought
her ticket to Europe, and she went
-Harper's Weekly.
Quick Work.
did you get your interview with the
distinguished personage?" asked the
editor.
YES replied the alert scribe; "here
1t is. And here's his denial of it. ready
to be printed the day following
Washington Star
Fortunate.
PIT seems his uncle fell out OF
hotel window in Europe.
Q.-Gracious! Any bones broken?
mo; he was merely drowned. 1t
happened In Venice."-New York Jour-
nal.
Corner Grocery Repartee.
Say" said the loafer, who was hold
Ing down the cracker barrel. did you
ever see brick walk?"
"No." answered the grocer, ''but I've
heard college yell" -Chicago News.
Fond Of Music.
"She seems to be very fond Of mu-
SIC"
Eyes. indeed. You'll always find her
at the piano when her mother is wash
Ing the dishes. Detroit Free Press.
Compliments.
What are double edged compn-
ments,' mar
The nice things your father and
uncle tell me when they come homo
late nights. Judge.
High Ones.
Mrs. Styles see that aviation hats
Tor women are all the rage
Mr.. Styles-Indeed! And what's the
altitude record, please? = Yonkers
A Requisite of Success.
so you are sure that your new play
Will be success?"
Certain. Why. even the manager
blushed when he read it."-Chicago
Tribune