The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
CHECKERS.
He Tells OF a Pump Man and Train
Robbery.


and 1 felt to pity the Oldham who SAT
at the door of his shanty and smoked
his pipe. A hobo may be ragged anu
hungry and penniless. but ne > 49,
lonesome. There's always Drake
a farmer or a constable to make Things
lively.
Waiter" says I, as I stops before
the old man, "I'u take roast DUCK
with apple sass for mine
Where do you think you be-? ne
AT the st. Regis. After the duck
and sass Ill take suite A and go TO my
little bed
you are fool!'' says he.
Born that way
And I don't like your looks"
"Then I'll sandpaper my face
"And l was thinking that some day
I'd find a wallet stuffed with yellow
backs on the track and buy me man
sion and an automobile, and you came
along and put me out
Don't look for it, uncle says l.
eve been walking the track Tor SIX
long years, and all I ever found was
jewel case"
"And it had pearls and rubies and
diamonds inl" he shouts.
TT did, but it was a jewel case an
actress had tossed out of the window
and the value of those jewels was
about 81. She got $4,000 worth OF
advertising out of it, however
'.Hobo. you are a liar!"
but not a trust.
And you move Oni
I'm staying for company's sake
With that he Tugs out a big revolver
and opens fire on me. I waits around
until the sixth shot had been fired. and
was about to remark that the railroad
company should furnish him with a
cannon, when out of the brush walks
five men as debonaire as you please,
and while four of them begin to pile
ties on the track, the fifth says to the
old pump man:
ITS to be train holdup. Are We
with US or again us?'
I'm again immortality in any
shape" was the answer.
''Then take that" said the debonaire
man as he brings down a clout on the
head that puts him to Sleep Then he
turns to me and asks:
Hobo, do you love railroads."
It dotes on EN-, sir
But you have no objection to al
train holdup?'
None in the world. Riding in al
Pullman gets monotonous unless things
happen. No, no objection, but I trust
there will be no amateur work. 1T
takes frst-class men to pull off a first
class job
Don't worry, Hobo-we've been
there
Delighted I was with a Teller the
other day who wanted to burn a farm
er's barn What did he do but set a
haystack afire and never looked to see
which way the wind blew AS con-
sequence, the barn wasn't even
scorched. Why didn't he set fire to
the barn to burn the haystack up?"
Il see," he laughs, but you'll have
to get into the shanty there along with
the old man. There may be shooting
here and YOU are so tender that a
bullet would go clear through you and
strike a church spire half a mile away.
In with you'll!
I entered the shanty, and they threw
the old man in after me and locked the
door on us. I didn't do no kicking. I
found a welI-filled lunch pail and sat
down to it. 1 never let a little thing
like a train hold-up disappoint my
appetite.
BY and by the train came along and
the debonaire gentlemen We're ready
for it. I could eat bread and butter
and boiled eggs and listen at the same
time. When the train stopped 1 heard
the engineer call out:
what in thunder's the matter
"Jest hold-up," answered one Of the
five in persuasive tones.
But it can't be-"
'tBut it is
Then the conductor comes up and
wants to know what in James B.
Blaine is the matter, and the same per-
suasive gent answers:
Begging your pardon, but it's a
hold-up."
You don't mean it.''
''All wool and a yard wide
But you are mistook in the date
and day. This is Thursday, the 18th.
Friday the 18th, is our regular hold
up day Sorry you've had your trouble
for nothing"
Then the five Dictionaries laughed in
chorus and proceeded to do business
They blowed things up with dynamite,
and they shot things up with their
guns, and nobody longed for the old
folks at home for the next 20 minutes.
There was only one of the passengers
really pitied. He had $4,000 in cash
with him to buy up potatoes for cold
storage company, and when he reflect
ed that the public had for once got
ahead, his tears fell and his lamenta-
lions were higher than the treetops,
When all was over the door of the
shanty was thrown open and the leader
of the Dictionaries called to me:
"Come out, hobo, and receive your
reward. You heard it all. did you?"
Il think So
s.And was it a good job?''
IA bank cashier couldn't beat it
mo blunderin anywhere p
event off like a deacon sliding down
hill with a schoolma am
Hobo you are all right. Here's a
dollar for you. It's one I took from
the conductor, and therefore honestly
earned Invest it wisely and you may
be a Rockefeller yet
1 thanked him and the gang de-
parted Then the old pump-man
woke from his nap and shouted at
me:
rive had a dreaml''
and was it of peaches and cream ?,
"I dreamed that SOMEBODY knocked
me on the head. What's happened
around here, anyway -
''Just train robbery
And you was here and didn't stop
it,"
I'm no Sunday school superintend-