davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
ONE OF LAURA JEANS. Agnes reads
 With troubled brow, Lovers Once,
 But Strangers Now"
A FINE ART.

 Verify, it has been said no less than 10000 times, that there are all kinds of ways of making living. Before us as we write is the advertisement of a gen. tleman who offers for the small sum of $25 to teach us how to place a wire around a fea's neck. You will ask, perhaps, what practical advantage is to be derived from knowing how to place a wire around a feas neck, granting for the sake of argument, that the necessity for lassoing 1eas is not a personal matter and de- priving a dog of his boarders by such a method would be tedious in the extreme. The milk in the cocoanut, as it were, or the prime reason for learning to lasso flea, Is that there is money in a flea circus. You can buy a first-class flea circus complete, with a number of very able performers, but what doth it profit a man to own a flea circus. if he doesn't know how to keep his fleas from jumping their jobs? The secret lies in knowing how to place a wire around a fea's neck so he can be kept at work. Trained feas are becoming quite common now and professors" of "featry' advertise their cattle in most of the publications de- voted to the show business.s
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
For my part. I am so attir'd In wonder I know not what 10 say.
 Much Ado About Nothing.
Tainted Money in Pensacola

All money is United States money. sacola is reported as saying that if Andrew Carnegie should send it either directly or by means of a check 25 bills of the United States each of 5000 denomination, that money would be tainted. This would discredit all United States currency, for bill may pass before it is worn out through the hands of a hundred rascals. Can the money of the United States be tainted by the hands through which it passes :? This is a great moral question, and Pensacola is said to have raised it into a local issue when Andrew Carnegie offered to erect S25,000 public library there on the condition that the city would provide for it's maintenance at the rate of $250o year.
 The truth is, Pensacola decided the matter on economic grounds only. It was not ready to be taxed S2500 a year to maintain a public library A city of 30,00O people should be will ing to pay that amount yearly into a library fund. The city council of Pen sacola, however, said "No" by a vote of 6 to 3, and no moral issue was raised. No money is tainted when it comes into honest hands. Pensacola stands, however, discredited when it repels a public library by refusing to pay expenses of maintenance.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
The Band Concerts

"As the second week of the band con certs given under the auspices Of the Music Study fclub draws to close it IS interesting to note that only one engage ment was missed on account of raln, said contributor to the concert fund.-
 Last year several of the park concerts had to be called off on account of incle- lnent weather, and it may be the same way later on In the present season. It IS hoped that the city will be in position next year to build a large concert pa- yillon in Capitol park in order that the concerts may go on regardless of rain.
 The ladies of the Music Study club have done excellent work in gathering a fund sufficient to pay for band of 2 pleces for six concerts week. In order to continue the concerts until September something like $500 In addition to the dorations already made will have to be secured. But I understand that several substantial amounts have been promised, and in view of the popular character Of the concerts the necessary money will be forthcoming.
 'The concert Sunday afternoon will be given in the civic center at Corey, and l predict the crowd in attendance will be a record breaker"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
HOW THEY DO IT

From the Chicago Tribune.
 Emperor William betrayed a process the other day. He had a long after-dnner talk with MT. Guy Lowell. skipper of the yacht Gina, on the subject of archaeol- ogy, and the Yankee sailor filled up with wonder so rapidly that he had to inquire or burst. With a little preface of com plimentary amazement he asked the En- peror how he obtained his mastery of technical detail.
 "I borrowed a couple of books and boned up especially on the subject" said the Kaiser frankly.
 We pause for reflection. That, then, ac- counts for T. R. astonishing the Egypto- logists. No one thought 10 search the colonel for concealed information when lSe was abroad.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
DAWN

By Richard Watson Glider. The night was dark. though sometimes a
 faint star. A little while a space made bright. The night was long and like an iron par Lay heavy on the land; till OCT the sea Slowly. within the East there grew
 light Which half was starlsn'' anu hai
 seemed to be The herald of a greater. The pale white Turned slowly to pale rose ana up the
 height Of Heaven slowly climbed. The gray sea
 grew
 flew straight toward the utmost boundary of
 the east, Where slowly the rose gathered and in-
 creased. If was as on the opening of door I,v one that in his hand a lamp doth
 hold. Whose flame is hidden by the garments fold The still air moves the wide room is less
 dim. More bright the east became, the ocean
 turned Darl, and more dark against the brighten-
 ing sky Sharper against the sky the long sea line. The holows of the breakers on the
 shore Were green like leaves whereon no sun
 doth shine. Though white the outer branches of the
 tree From rose to red the level heaven burned. Then sudden. as if a sword fell from on high, A blade of gold flashed on the horizons
 rim.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
LAUGHTER

Tim Murphy, Comedian.
 Here's to laughter The sunshine of the soul, the happiness of the heart, the heaven of youth, the privilege of purity, the echo of innocence, the treasure of the humble, the wealth of the poor, the bead on the cup of pleasure; it dispels dejec- ton, banishes blues and manges melan- choly. for it's the foe of woe, the de- stroyer of depression, the enemy of grief, it is why kings envy peasants, plutocrats the poor. the guilty the innocent; it Is the sheen on the silver of smiles. the ripple on the waters of delight the glint on the gold of gladness. Without 1t humor would shrivel, for it's the glow of clean conscience the voice of a pure soul, the birth cry of mrth, the swan song of sadness. Laughterl
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15

They bribed a page, and, taking their stand near at hand where they could watch the proceedings, awaited develop ments.
 Soon the boy passed through the hotel office calling loudly, "Mi-i-s-s-ter Smith Mister Smi-i-thi"
 Here you are,, son." called Smith, who wants me-"
 Lady in the parlor, sir replied the boy.
 It happened that Smith expected his wife to arrive that very afternoon, so, free from any suspicion, he hurried to the parlor.
 The jokers swiftly followed and listened outside the door. The page entered first and called out "any lady here want Mis- ter Smith?''
 To the astonishment of the jokers the prettiest woman in the room stepped for ward and replied:
 Yes, l think l will take him." And the two, arm in arm walked from the place.
 It was several days before the jokers learned that the pretty woman was Smiths wife, and that she had overheard their plot with the page.-Youngstow Telegram.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
BOWLEGs AND GREATNESS
rom. the Baltimore News.

From the Baltimore News
 The rationale of bowlegs is an inviting field for those who have a'taste for oddi- ty. An admirable peg on which to hang such speculations is offered by the news ,f.at the naval recruiting station at Mem puis has just been closed because 90 per cent of the applicants were marked by curvature of the shank bones. They came from the states of Arkansas.- Mississippi and Tennessee, and the impression is left behind that this physical inelegance is a ge eographical peculiarity. The states in question would find it easy to refute this assumption, but probably have no desire to do so. The fact is that the physical conformation usually described as bandy- legged is but the outward and visible sign of an energy and mental activity which always reflects luster upon the pos sessor. In the mellow maturity of achievement. when his legs have ceased .o excite wonder and only his genius IS regarded, his fellow townsman point with pride to his name in blue books and red books or carved on corner stones
 Lest the Philistine rejoice, it should be explained that this crescent shape of the lower limbs is due to the fact that nature
 has not compounded the child with the usual amount of what are known as "earthv salts ins the bones. This defi- ciapcy renders the leg bones soft ana pliant Coupled herewith is the known 1 fact that such children are precocious. They wish to walk before they can staho alone. They are on their feet before 'he homes are hard enough to sustain 'hei', and hence the curvature. sThis physioa'
 restlessness is but an evidence or a men | ia; vieor which will not be dehie". =
 was in response to the desire Tor proau- l CT outlook. for a knowledge of aileh ia'u' and strange peoples that the aPphcaii's ,t Memphis offered tEeir services .o 'i'e
 navy. We hazard the opinion that II t''e
 truth were known it would be found that
 every bow-legged child ever born mas
 wanted to go to sea. otherwise ne mas
 wished to join circus or go west ana fight Indians.
 Trif,ers will reply that this IS true oi su boys. but there is no room for trii- Hing in a grave question of ethnologica tendencies. It would be easy. moreover
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
Regarding Anti-Tobacco Crusade

'I have lived through several mora crusades and political npheavals and the
 question has come into my mind, whai
 next?' remarked an old democrat.
 '"Ehe latest of the waves or isms tc
 make any considerable stir was the anti
 saloon or statewide prohibition move ment. The crusade of the Anti-Saloor league was conducted vigorously. It dom mated politics in several southern states but as a political issue this anti-saloon or prohibition wave began to recede nearly two years ago. The liquor ques- tion will always be with us. and there will always be a strong sentiment among those who drink in moderation to regu- late very strictly the liquor traffic: but would say. judging from the history of waves and isms, that with the defeat of prohibition in Texas on July g the statewide or statutory movement will be abandoned for good and all.
 'I read the other day in a press dis patch that an association had been formed to minimize tobacco smoking. The anti smoking association will seek to have laws passed prohibiting smokers from 
 are around. But the ultimate object of the organization is, 1t seems, to edu- cate the youth of the country against the use of the nicotian weed In any shape or form In other words, the anti-to- baceo movement has been started. In re- cent years efforts here and there have been made to prevent the sale of tobacco, and in a few localities the sale of cigar cites has been prohibited. but the anti tobacco crusade has not, up to this time, been regarded seriously The men at the head of the new organization are all prominent Chancellor Day is one of them, and my venerable friend, Jenkin Lloyd Jones' pastor of one of the largest congregations in Chicago, and one of the most delightful takers I have ever lis- tened to, is another of the anti-tobacco organizers.
 "The ideal man of the twenty-first or twenty-second century may possibly cul- tivate, in addition 10 the heroic virtues, a, spirit of benignity and altruism, and take better care of his liver. If he gives up all the small vices so much more angelic will he be in the eyes of some people. But it is safe to say that through out the twentieth century farmers who raise tobacco, manufacturers who pre- pare it for the market. and the millions who chew, smoke or snuff It. will be strongly against the new crusade After all, the average man, even if he runs after strange gods now and then, will, in most cases, get back into line and touch elbows again with the conserva tive, libertyioving people,"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
THAT GAY ATLANTIC CITY
From the Louisville Courier-Journal
 INORMER VICE PRESIDENT FAII

From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
 INORMER VICE PRESIDENT FAIR
 r BANKS, a gentleman of abstemi- A ous habits, whose grotesque mis- foltune it was to figure for nine days. or nine weeks. as the hero of a cocktail scandal that resulted from the machina- lions of~the interruptions and unregener- ete, finds that Sunday in Atlantic City is worse than Continental. It is disgraceful. he says, that an American seaside resort should be so un-American in it's wicked ness
 The Christian Endeayor meeting which the former Vice President addressed was curiously out of place, and in strangely uncongenial surroundings. spending Sun day in Atlantic City city that is hab itually as wet as the waves that pound it's beach, and as wicked Monte Carlo and Montmartre combined. But since the meeting was convoked in the jaws of the serpent, as it were, there can be no crit ioism of the appropriateness of such speech from the original buttermilk drinker of North America-the man whose pioneering in the cause had made him fa nous before the introduction of "Yoghurt' and the exploitation of the latest theory as to the attainment of longevity
 Atlantic City is called the playground of America. It boasts about 1000 hotels and boarding houses. It's bars are known to be as the sands of it's shore for null ttude The drinks they mix are more terrible than an army with banners. But no statistician who has set out to ascer- tain their number and classify them has retained his powers as a navigator and mathematician long enough to list all of the bars on the first block. That this condition is deplorable from the point of view of the fairly vrtuous American and more so from that of the Christian En- deavorer, and still more so from that Of than who knew the virtue of buttermilk and loved it's cancellations years before
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
Montauk Point Maturing

Fort Pond bay is encircled by Montauk Point at the eastern end of Long Island. It is 119 miles away from the Pennsylvania terminal in old New York. This distance was re- gently covered by special train carrying steamship and railroad of ficials in 115 minutes.
 All this means that when liners 1000 feet long are built there will be need for deep water accommodations at Fort Pond bay. It is landlocked piece of water. It affords water 60 to TO feet deep and in it piers could be built of any desirable length. This is not the case in the rivers that flow on either side of Manhattan.
 The Pennsylvania railroad and the White Star line are said to be the promoters of the Fort Pond bay move ment, and they are certainly pretty efficient packers. The plan would shorten transatlantic trips four hours, and it is reasonably certain that within five years the biggest liners will have a new ocean terminal at Fort Pond bay, 115 minutes out of New York.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Truck Farming in Jefferson

Truck farming In Jefferson county has been very profitable" said man who takes interest in horticulture, and as Birmingham grows the trucking possibilities in this section will be all the greater of course NotWitn- standing the fact that Birmingham Is the best market in the south, with the exception of New Orleans, and not wfthstanding the further fact that the soil of this county Is admirably adapt ed to vegetable crops, the bulk Of this city's food supply is shipped from far away points. There is ample room and opportunity in the immediate Birming- ham district for 2000 or 5000 truck farmers.
 The Chamber of Commerce started a good thing when it organized the farm movement. MT. Hechinger, secre- tary of the chambers farm commit tee. has, during the eight or ten months that he has been employed, accom- plished great deal sin the matter of lilies have been induced to locate on small farms near Birmingham and by next winter the number of newcomers will probably reach 100 or more. MT. Hechinger is now in the northwest and according to a letter he wrote a friend this week he Is greatly encouraged over the prospect of bringing many Ger man American truckers to Birmin gham within the next few months"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
REFLEcTIONs oF A BACHELoR

From the New York Press
 A man can be much prouder of his wife for her good looking clothes than for her noble character
 An old fox learned most of his wisdom out of the foolishness of his youth, but folk aren't foxes.
 When a man is particularly insuffer- able bore. it's a sign it's about how he takes his exercise.
 A woman who had no opinions of her own when she was engaged has all the faore after she is married.
 IL isn't that a widow is so much more tricky than other women: it's that she knows how to appear so much less thai slIe gets more chances
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
NATURALLY, COULDN'T TELL

From AhS"ers'
 ''IIi, mnter,' called the driver of a huge dray, will you kindly hold my hoss's head for me while l get down?"
 The pedestrian hesitated
 "Well, I'll do my best" he observed, approaching gingerly, though l don't know much about horses. Er-which one shall I hold?"
 .'The off 'un." replied the driver
 Dear me! Poor thing!' exclaimed the pedestrian. Do you mean this sad looking one?"
 '.No, l don'tr cried the driver. T said the off 'un, didn't I?'
 "Yes, I know you did" replied the pe- destrian testify, but as I wasn't at his parents funeral. how the dickens am to guess which is the orphan2"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15

.he beverage became popular is undenia lie.
 When I arrived here I should never have known it was Sunday except by the calendar said Mir. Fairbanks. And he might have added without fear of exap geration-wthout being charged with having the forked tongue of islander be- tween his lips-that there were at that hour many Americans within the boun- daries of the playground whose condition was such that calendar would have been of assistance to them in deciding the question of whether it was Sunday.
 There have been various attempts to lid Atlantic City, but not one of the millions
 it entertains has found it's places of re- freshment actually sealed by the law. Atlantic City has an international repu- tation a place in which the average American-and, there are persons ungal- lant enough to add, the average "Ameri- caness"-apply the advice of Horace rel ative to it's being permissible to unbend upon fitting occasion. It is not repre- sentative as an American city but
 whether or not it is representative as a playground is a question that may not so iedully De dHSWeTeQ. lne DlOI upon 1tS escutcheon is the fact that while the American who is "unbending at homs cnbends at Atlantic City the municipality remains unconstrained all the tme The visitor goes home and gets upon his good behavior. Atlantic City remains a place where there ain't no ten commandments and man can raise a thirst
 Whats to be done about it? Who can answer? In the meantime when religious bodies meet remarks upon the existing conditions may appropriately be made. Perhaps the Atlantic City Commercial club, which distributes at no little expense literature advertising the allurements of the playground, will feel beholden to the Associated Press and other news services for sending the newspapers full accounts cf what is said about the Sababth or week day wickedness of the place.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
Democratic Candidates for 1912

Governor Harmon of Ohio seems to be in the lead for the democratic nomination in 1912, but as there are q number of strong men in training for the high honor referred to the outcome will probably be in doubt right up to roll call,'' said C.. T. Gesner of Illinois.
 T was as far west as Denver last month and I heard considerable Harmon talk, but I am told that Harmon is much stronger in the cast than he is in the west It has been said, too. that Harmon is particularly strong in the south. Woodrow Wilson seems to be running a pretty close race with Harmon, and his strength just now is exceptionally in evil dence in the west. I do not pretend to any great wisdom in political matters always vote the democratic ticket-but if l were making q bet I would be in cined to put my money on Wilson, so far as the nomination goes. I believe it will be either Wilson or a dark horse.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15

to prove that 1t is only an uneducated eye which despises the graceful curve of the limbs rather than the severe perpen- oicularity held up-properly garmented. to be sure-as the beau ideal The navy, at all events, could do no better than man squadron with recruits whose sea legs were born with them. It is the false reasoning, and not the bandy legs, which hould be set straight.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
FIRST AID.

According to an authority quoted by the Chicago Record-Herald putting a clove in the mouth at night will keep a per son from snoring. Placing a billiard ball in the mouth just before retiring will also be found effective. Always tie a string or handkerchief tightly around the neck so the ball will not be swal- lowed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15

last of this year and in many instances to force the furnaces to sell for the early part of 1912 at todas's quotations. Furnacemen, however, are holding rigidly to the present year and most of them will not sell for the latter part unless the order includes some shipping in- struetions for the present quarter
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
SACRIFICIAL

From New York Weekly.
 Sweet Girl (affectionateiy) Papa. you wouldn't like me to leave you, would you?'
 Papa (fondly)-"Indeed, I would not, my darling
 Sweet Girl-Well, then, I'll marry MT. Poorchap. He is willing to live here.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
OrR FAVORITE

That man we have no patience with
 Who says the cherry trees a myth Oh, where is there a yarn to match it. Bout little Georgie and his hatchet?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
FINDING FAULT.

FINDING FAULT, She wears the very finest clothes Her fathers coin can buy: And that's the reason. l suppose, She holds her head so high. In truth, her face Is not so fair As some that l could name: And while she has a wealth of hair, Not all of it's the same.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
STEERING CLEAR.

I know a certain citizen
 . 2ga Who seldom wears a frown, But when his wife party gives, He fingers late in town.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
ALL IS VANITY
4 Prom JudEe.

From Judge.
 This Is very fine dog, ma am, and cheap at the price, said he dealer
 i've no doubt of it. she replied: but l don't care to buy him until Pm sure he matches my new gowns"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15

John Hays Hammond is said to have nudged King George This perfect gent should not attempt this sort of thing on the Kaiser when he takes David Jayne HIl1's place
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15

The western farmers will have to be content with lessened crops. They will be able. however, to keep their automo- hiles, and they will rest content
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15

Scotty of Death Valley is said to be preparing for another whirlwind dash across the country. He is loaded again with gold and greenbacks.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15

A committee of Chicago teachers has decided that steaographers should be taught enough%of English to enable them to correct the boss blunders.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
HOITY-TOTTYi

HOITYlTOITY!
 Pensacolians say Andy Carnesie's money is tainted" and they will have none of it for a library. Pensacolians have 3 keen sense of smell and strict ideas of probity. PAUL. COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15

Hot dry weather mas turned white po- tatoes into luxuries. and the south will naturally resume consumption of sweet potatoes in the fall
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-15
TIME TO TREMBLE.

A terror seemed to blind him, His countenance was pale; The girl he left behind him
 Was hotfoot .on his trail.