davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

stop your rainbow chasing. Nobody ever
caught up with the gay golden promise
It's SUCH hard running And IT is 50
uselessl And for all the glamOr In the
distance you never viii get past the thorns
Of disappointment and the shadows and
lineliness hung as thick as the moss fes-
toOns IN southern forests
There are no men you can lean on-all
the time! Any mans arm viii go TO
sleep or his legs get a cramp II he is
used as a constant support. You must
do some Of H. You have your kind OF
support 70 give; and you must not be
hunting for someone toward whom you
expect to act the undignified role Of
sponge.
And let me tell you something about
these odd and knowledge filled men" The
reason you like them Is because they know
they must Win youth by deferring II. SO
they talk about the things YOU know.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03
Bachelor on the Claim

chignon She also had a severe look on
her face. but II all women who wear them
get that way then II l ever get married
I'll insist on a contract that only mems
trousers will hang on the hooks in our
house. But 1 will admit the new things
ought to be very convenient FOR girls II
they smoke. like notice some do in the
big cities
Haven't got the fur farm started yet. but
am trying out snake oil for rheumatism
next winter and have started a bunch OF
fine frogs in a slough. l saw these frogs
going to waste, and one day figured 1t out
that frog legs ought to taste just as good
out here as they did when they soaked a
fellow q days wages for few on toast. 1
am feeding my frogs on cornmeal and wild
rice. and II good luck sticks by me reckon
to have many a feast and have some TO
ship maybe to Omaha. There is plenty
OF room for frogs TO get exercise out here,
although mine are q little sleepy yet, but
the sun is getting warmer all the time and
I'm trying to train eft for the summers
work by digging up a garden patch and
wearing out a brick on a rusty pillow.
Ash Creek Line ISAAC.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03
"Wise Workers viii Marry Servants"

ant Of the elementary principles Of wOma6's
true work.
The smsttering of domestic knowledge
which they are taught at school he said.
ITS perfectly valueless IN after life,
1t should be compulsory for girls to I'M
dcrgo a six months course of hOusewlfery
when they pass out of school
No girl should be allowed 20 PASS from
under the national educational authority
until she can peel a potato. wash cab
bage and cook well enough to appeal to
hungry and tired mans palate
How 10 fry-not to shrivel up-a rasher
OF bacon, and how to make two tenement
rooms comfortable are other things she
should learn.
THE woman is made between the ages
OF "a and 14lf. Thirty-nine years expert
ence in parochial work in London has
taught me that.
at Il girl begins to take a pride and
interest in household things. II she us
taken in hand properly then she will never
'orget what is shown and taught.
But under present conditions thousands
Of girls get married every year without
the least knowledge ef domestic economy
that every wife should have. They can't
even cook a piece Of fish and they don a
know how 10 make a home tidy and COM
/ Portable. And untidy and uncomfortable
homes send men out TO public houses, and
lead to half the separations and divorces
which take place.
Just as a good dinner makes a good hus-
band. so does comfortable home keep
him safe and contented.
And III is because she has generally OBJ
tanned experience OF these truths-and had
chance 70 appreciate them-that a do
nestle servant makes the best wife for q
/ poor iuan
He is a wise worker who marries ser
want"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03
The Tired Business Man
BY WALTER A. sINCLI

Luther Burbank is going to have an
lawful time Of u trying to make a model
'voy out Of the common or garden variety,
even though garden work is his speciality
observed Friend wife
When he gets TO work boys will be
vegetables" paraphrased the Tired Bust
ness Man Let us hope that Mr.. Burbank
won't repeat his experiment with the cac-
tus. which Is as near to boy nature as l
can imagine. and produce the spineless boy.
Also let us hope that his experiments In
the vegetable world won't lead him to be-
lieve that every boy Is cabbage head
even though his actions may indicate that
he is an onion And they usually have TO
attain mans estate before they prove to be
beets.
II have great hopes for Mr.. Burbank.
lie has done about everything but make
two-doiiar bills grow where one blossomed
previously. Some carping critics who have
their own ideas which they never put into
practice think that because he is a dear old
bachelor he has no license TO try bringing
UP a boy like prize pumpkin. Now that's
all Junk because we have seen plenty Of
doting fathers who began doting long be-
fore they reached their dotage, and who
couldn't compete with Luther in the garden
truck Speciality who have raised some sons
with heads like Rocky Ford cantelopes or
Hubbard sauashes. II they can do that
why can't Mr. Burbank raise a first-class
future Burbank president?
"Of course, most Of us think boys ought
to raise themselves. Just imagine Bur
bank trying to improve the class of the
Huckleberry Finn in the first place, he
could probably prune off all the long hair
rags and tatters. dead cats, warts, dirt
and cussedness. The result might be per-
fRety lovely, but not as interesting as the
OtiginRl
4 IT appears that Exhibit A, upon whom
M. Burbank is going to concentrate his
skill is OF a truant disposition, given TO
rowing. OF course, that's really terrible
and when the great CRATER produces the
nonroving boy he will be hailed as a great
discoverer until said boy grows to man
hood and insists on hanging around the
house and letting Pa support him rather
than getting out to work wouldn't
know how 20 cure boy OF the roves I'M
less Il was TO saw his legs off and then
lock him in the attic. Even then, with
aeroplanes flying everywhere you couidn
ybe sure the specimen wouldn't wing away
IKE Mercury
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03
Troubles of the Pocket Venuses

pest my destination on a crowded car, as
1t takes me a long time to fight my way
out through an aisle fun OF big, bulky
humanity with their arms full OF bundles
II can't get on a car without feeling that
am climbing up on a high platform, and
feel that am risking life and limb every
time step off There is no fun in being
tiny and cute and petite. had rather be
an Amazonian lady, with shoulders three
feet wide and arms like blacksmiths,
than to be trampled in a car aisle just be-
cause 1 am so little and cute that can
not fight my way out OF the mess and get
off"
NO one takes me seriously" walls an
other little lady who is a scant five feet
and Is greatly admired by everyone in her
set because Of her "cuteness."
"They won't take me seriously when
am serious, and when I get angry they
laugh at me unless l get fearfully angry.
Seems TO me that people ought to be able
TO tell when you were displeased, even II
you do not happen to be six feet high and
wear No. shoes. People laugh at me no
matter how much in earnest 1 happen to
be- and / know they do it because am
not big enough to look right squarely I'm
their eyes and show them that I am In real
earnest What can you accomplish when
you have to look at a point nearly foot
above the level Of your eyes when you are
making a really telling argument?'
The girl who happens to be less than five
feet in height has all these things TO bear
She has not the eonsoling good nature OF
the fat man or the fat woman who have
philosophically decided to make the best
OF the situation The little girl knows that
she will never grow any more. and yet
she never gets aecustomed,to herself.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

But do not make the mistake OF thinking
that q man knows less than you because
he does not know the SAME THINGS He
may know a great deal OF which you are
ignorant.
Put the intensity OF your sOul' on a
diet. Nothing Is 80 dsforming to the char
acter II not reduced. And do not hunt an
other Intense SOUL or a more intense
one. You would fight like cat and dog.
Marry hardware merchant whose dumb
soul Graves an inspiration. BE that TO
him.
Body plays It's part In love. You are
wrong in trying 20 make II "of the mind
alone. It's good, big, splendid part II
you acknowledge its claims and control its
desires. Body is loves steam and brain
It's regulator.
Stop chasing rainbows and see life and
love and men as they are They are none
Of them even half bad.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

Dear J.: / knew It, and always said
so. Just as soon as women wanted to vote,
then It would only be a little while until
they wanted to wear the trousers. OF
course. we've always heard OF some who
did anyway, but only one man, or a few
boys, had to deal with them. Now we'H
be put to IL to keep up with the trimmings
on pants that will be introduced by the
great clothes makers. You watch and see
IL I'm not right.
When we saw those Bee pictures Of the
pantaloon skirt out here on the prairies
well you could have knocked q lot Of the
old fellows over with a feather. OF course,
wasn't in that class. and having seen the
women riding cowboy fashion I wasn't
shocked at this Constantinople stunt. l
Just wondered how they get them on. We
can't figure they are pulled on over the
head. and yet they look little odd com
pared to overalls. ! suppose the wearers
sit down and pull them on like boots. but
do they have to get bootjack TO draw
them off? II they fit tight underneath.
mebbe so.
A good many years ago 1 went TO see Dr.
Mary Walker just like / went TO the cir
Gus parade. Once a friend--of mine went
from TarISio to Trebizonde and other places
where harems are real institutions, and
when he came home he had US all going
dippy by his stories Of nifty trousers worn
By the women; but he said they kept their
faces covered and seemed 3 little shy. /
didn't see any wells on the Omaha trousered
wcmen. and It would surely be shame II
they had 10 wear those blanket face COW
erings we see in pictures from Turkey.
Talking of Or. Mary Walker, she went
the whole way through when 1 saw her,
and looked like a statesman wearing a
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

II sometimes feel / would rather bury
than marry girls who cannot cook
This is the opinion publicly expressed by
a Nonconfornist minister with nearly forty
years experience OF London parochial
work.
Speaking at Highgate, Rev. William Cuff
Of Shoreditch tabernacle mentioned that
girls OF "a and Is left school and entered
the office and factory rather than take up
domestic service.
"They obtain" he said. no knowledge
OF how 20 cook or do household work.
Eventually they come before me 10 be
married. and I sometimes feel I would
rather bury them than marry them"
Discussing his utterance with the London
Daily mirror. Mr.. Cuff said that he did not
blame girls themselves, but rather the sys-
TEN which permits them 20 grow up ignor-
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03
Called the Bluff

The Marquis de Villabar." said a Wash
ington diplomat rs trying to put young
King Manuel back on the throne. He is
going around collecting. But he has
good deal Of trouble TO get the Portuguese
nobility 20 shell out.
THE nobility profess the most devoted
loyalty, but, when it comes to CASH"
The diplomat smiled
The Marquis de Villabar," he said,
asked a Portuguese count for a subscrip-
ton the other day in London. The count
drew himself up and answered haughtily:
my blood is always at the service Of
his majesty
Yes, / know said de Villabar, net
tied, but, you see We don't want TO start
a sausage factory"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

Every man who was ever In love has
re- ferred TO the object Of his devotions at
some time or another as the little girl
1, fact. one OF the surest signs Of love In
the first degree is to hear thin, frau wisp
of a man with a chest as flat as board
sneblgibf d pihnp 160-pound damsel as the
little woman His case is hopeless when
he gets that far along. Never, however
as YOU value your good standing with any
lutte woman of your acquaintance, reter
Ga her as a doll" or a pocket Venus.
THAT is the unforgiveable sin, in the opinion
OF a writer in the st. Louis Republic, and
tor it you will have to sweat blood and
wriths In agony before you can sue for
pardon
The little woman would like to be the
leader OF the suffragette parades and carry
the banners when the cloak workers go out
on strike She had rather be the leader
than the led, In spite OF her lack OF size and
heroic proportions. She longs to be captain
OF forlorn hopes and leader that can and
VIII overcome all obstacles, but when she
takes a look at her little self In a tall mir
ror she Is amazed. angered, peevish and
4 altogether disagreeable and self-confid-
Asce
Il am constantly reminded of my tiny
size Is the wall of the little woman.
People look around at me when l pass
them on the street and know they are
looking at me because I am under the aver
age height OF women. If get In a street
car / cannot get out IL II is crowded unless
someone will force a way through for me
] do not like TO tug at peoples coat tails
any better than anyone else. but have to
do something to attract their attention
! and Il - that or stick a hatpin in them
'1They usually carry me couple Of blocks
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

hold mans affection longest, do you
thinkg'
Undoubtedly, charm. She may remain
faithful, virtuous and industrious-in short.
she may have all the qualities OF solomons
famous women; but IL she drops the cor
ners Of her mouth or loses the sweet. beau
catching beam out OF her eyes she may as
we'll give up the ghost so far as he IL con-
cerned. She cannot hold him. He may re-
main faithful TO his marriage vows, but
not to her"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03
anidern Ent anme.

Spiders possess prodigious appetites A
scientist who. carefully noted spiders
consumption Of food in twenty-four hours
concluded that II the spider were as large
as a ulI-grown man and his appetite in
creased in proportion 10 his size, he would
eat at daybreak a small alligator. by q,
m a lamb by a. m. Golf, by 1 o'clock
sheep, and would finish up with a huge
meat pie.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

A food inspector in Manchester. N. H.,
found one lot Of beef and pork in a butcher
shop that was rather questionable. He
called In the owner of the place.
Look here" he said, what is your
opinion of this meat?'
The butcher looked It over 81 had for
gotten all about that" lie said. ut Is
pretty old stock"
We'll. what Is your opinion Of it?''
MY opinion" said the butcher slowly,
Is that II Is unfit for human food; but It
might do for sausage. metropolitan.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

say, doctor" inquired man who was
fishing for free medical service, what do
YOU think makes me 80 baldT"
III mt reioiled' the doctor. Il ascribe
Il q the fact that your hair comes OUT"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

The Key to the situaton-Bss Want Ada
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

The Little Bee Want Ad. is Booster.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-04-03

Tells Friend Wife That
Boys viii BE Vegeta-
bles.
The Washington herald., 1911-01-26
The District in Congress.

The attitude of Congress toward the
District of Columbia in regard to
legislation is a matter too important to
| he lightly dismissed. The situation is
ono which concerns every citizen here.
and any suggestion which will lead to
improved conditions is worthy of Sc
rIous attention.
1t may be that Representative Bor-
land has touched the vital spot In
| his speech before the House last Tues
day he noted with some indignation the
fact that District legislation was being
| ignored by the House and suggested
that a solution of the trouble would be
the consideration OF the District appro-
rriation bill by the District Committee
At present, as is generally known. the
District Committee deals only with leg
| lslation. while the financial budget is
| handled by the Committee on App1opria-
items. Mr. Borland argued. :. '~:th
considerable force. that these two func-
tons should be combined The District
Committee would then be accorded a
larger degree of consideration. while
the Appropriations Committee would not
suffer any loss OF dignity or Importance
1t Is frequently the case. also. that the
appropriation bill contains legislation
which has never been considered by the
District Committee. and this assumption
OF legislative work naturally produces
friction.
Certain it is that some way ought to
lie found whereby the proposed laws for
the District can be discussed and acted
upon Mr. Borlands suggestion is in
line with the policy OF the House in
assigning to the committees on military
affairs. naval affairs, agriculture. &c.
the preparation of the bills which pro-
vide for these branches OF the govern
ment The District Committee is quail
fed to do the work. and the experiment
should be tried.
What the District requires and de-
mandS is consideration in Congress.
The method by which this may be &C
compliShcd is not important The fact
that the present situation is intolerable
= too obvious TO admit of argument
The Washington herald., 1911-01-26

colonies, would aggregate $I,o5oooo,ooo
annually, or more than the British tax
payer could stand.
We know that it is the German
bogey" which forms the stock in trade
OF the British alarmist, while it is Japan
whose designs are supposed to justify a
chronic state of nervous apprehension
here. 1t is just possible that. were our
military and naval experts to find it
as safe to asperse Germany as Japan,
We should hear quite as much as they
Go in England about the peril of the
ambitions of Germany
Still. there is nothing particularly oc-
cult about the sphere within which Ger
many desires to make her influence felt
Should Germany and Britain come to
al agreement in regard to the question
Of the Nearer East" the world would
scarcely be disturbed again soon by any
great war. and both alike would become
increasingly allied to the United States
The Washington herald., 1911-01-26
Shall Fire Stops Be Abolished?

1t would be worth while for the Dis
tr;Ct Commissioners to give careful con-
sideration to the suggestion that the
sC-calied fire stops which delay street
car traffic be either reduced or alto
gcthcr abolished
There arc. of course. two sides to
the question. On the one hand there
is the possibility that at some time or
other a collision may occur between a
street car and fire engine. Such col
lision did occur some ten years ago.
and it resulted in d tragedy. The Com
mlssionerS thcrcupon designated certain
streets along which fire engines Sho Id
travel and ordered that where these
streets IntcrSectcd car tracks the cars
should come to a full stop. - as to give
the fire apparatus the right of way As
the number OF engine houses increased.
with the prospect of many more in the
near future On the lines Of one COM
panv alone there arc no less than fifty
seven OF these stop>.
While the loss OF time thus occasioncd
Is hv no means incOnsiderable. no one
desires to secure rapid transit at the
cost OF human injury or life. This is the
point to which the Commissioners must
give most serious consideration. They
must gather and weigh all the facts
bearing upon the case. 1t may be. for
instance. that the possibility OF collision.
IS so remote as to be almost negligible.
IF it be true that the average number
o; FIRE alarms each day does not ex-
coed three: if il be true that drivers of
fire apparatus arc directed always to
lave their horses under control. and
il the motorrncn arc instructed to eN-
crciSe especial caution when approach
ing fire crossings. then. of course. the
danger OF accident is reduced to mini
mum. whether or not the cars are
brought TO a full stop
The Commissioners may be trusted to
Ccc!dc the question fairly and wisely
TEcy owe twofoid duty to the public
first. 10 sec that proper protection is al
1orded. and. second. 10 appreciate that
the travelling public ought not to be
subjected t. unnecessary delay.
The Washington herald., 1911-01-26
Licensing "Tipplers."

\ bill which is before the legislature
Of Indiana proposes to do nothing less
| than circumScribe the heretofore in
;.ienabe right OF a man to take drink
whenever he feels like it and the drink
i, handy.
The limitations provided are severe
Should the bill pass. no man will be
able to obtain any malt. spirituous. or
virOu> liquors unless he shall tender the
barkeeper not only the price. but GER
tIhcate of authority to buy as well. To
get this document, the thirsty one shall
make affidavit before the proper per-
& MS that he is not in the habit of drink
ing to excess and that his attitude to-
ward liquor is not such as to be preju-
dicial to the correct discharge of his
business.
The first clause is not likely to pre-
sent much difficulty to any parched ap-
rlicant. He can swear cheerfully that
ne does not intend drinking to excess
this time. and. if caught carrying ex-
ccssive cargo, may plead weak stomach,
long abstinence suddenly reversed. or
some other equally appealing excuse. 1t
rlay not be so easy to maintain that the
proposed libation will not interfere with
LIS business. Upon this point. however,
croSs-examnation is happily omitted.
Obstructing the path to the bar with
many legal obstacles may limit indul-
gence in strong drink. Many Hoosier
will start out confident that he wants a
beer. and. two hours later. finding him.
self still in the applicants line. and. say,
about twenty or so removed from the
desk, will conclude that he has changed
his mind
Surely the drinkers licensing bureau
may be catalogued under the head of
new thought
The Washington herald., 1911-01-26

House, the Committee on Ways and
Means, which will select the commit
tees without appeal
Mr. Clarks complacency may be eN-
rlainable on the supposition that he
really believes he is a Presidential pos
s;bility for 1912. and is anxious not to
be handicapped by any of the en1bar-
easements that easily might overtake a
Speaker equipped with the old-time
power of the position. The promptness
with which an Ohio member, who at
tempted to start a boom for Harmon.
was suppressed certainly lends color to
the suspicion that the House leaders, at
least. are dangling the nomination prize
before the eyes of the Speaker that is
to be.
The Washington herald., 1911-01-26
TOO LARGE A HOUSE.
IncrensinE Its Size will Stin Further
Increase Senate's Influence.

Increase Senate's Influence.
| From H.. New York World
Protesting against the Worlds asser-
ton that the House of Representatives
is already too large. our neighbor. the
Tribune, says:
The superior advantages for legislative
purposes OF a small chamber over a large
one are by no means obvious. The
House of Representatives has ALWAYS
been more economical in appropriations
than the Senate and more responsive to
the wishes Of the people"
The House of Representatives is more
responsive to the wishes of the people
than the Senate not because it is larger.
but because its members are elected di-
rectly by the people every two years. The
trainers of the Constitution Intended that
it should be the more responsive body
and that the Senate should be a check
upon it.
The House, however. is not a good
legislative body. 1t is big and clumsy
and unwieldly. That is why the Senate
has become more powerful than the
House in shaping legislation. Its smaller
membership enables the Senate to de-
bate measures more thoroughly and to
give the necessary attention to all the
details of important bills under considera-
ton.
Increasing the size of the House will
still further Increase the influence of the
Senate.