davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18
Rapid Ride to Grave.

Il want no horses at my funeral
want nothing but big bright automo-
biles, and they can go as fast as the
law permits for all I care" said Mag
nus Goodman, president of the Regal
Tailoring Company, early last week,
while confined to a bed in St. Luke's
Hospital
1.-The old style of taking the mourn
ers on long trips to the cemetery in
carriages pulled by fatigued horses
beautiful funeral and the only way to
make it SO is to have motor cars
Last Friday Mr.. Goodman died and
was buried with an automobile funer-
al. There were fifteen big machines
that carried the mourners and pail
bearers, including motor hearse.
Every detail requested by Goodman
was fulfilled, even to running the ma
chimes fast.
During his thirty years of active
business life Mr.. Goodman never own
ed an automobile, nor did he desire to
own one, but had always spoken high
ly of automobiling. For the six weeks
he had been sick at the hospital he
had expressed his desire several times
for an automobile funeral.
"a parade of automobiles is a beau
tiful sight, Mr.. Goodman said shortly
before his death.
Magnus Goodman had been in the
tailoring business for thirty years in
Chicago. He was 81 years old and is
survived by a widow and two children.
He has two brothers-Chicag Tri-
h1Ine
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18
HUNOR OF THE Day

Fair First-Aider Cor ambulance
class)-I say, what's the poison for
which you give an epidemic Punch
Teacher: Tell mel How do you
prove that the earth is round? Dull
But Smart Pupil: I never said it was
Puck.
Tommy (who has teen reading
about the Spanish inQuisition): Pop,
nowadays, do we2 Tommy's Pop:
Not since the cornet player moved
away from next door, my son.-Phila-
delphia Record.
WholesaIe.-She MaIge believes
that every girl has an affinity. He:
She ought to. She's already found
three.-Boston Transcript.
Milliner: 1 am sailing for Paris next
week for French plumes and trim
mings. Could I purchase anything
special for you? Mrs. Recent Rich:
Why, yes; you may bring me half a
dozen of those nom de plumes / often
hear spoken of.-Judge.
Mistress: Well, Cooper, what is the
weather to be like? Gardener: Well,
mum, 1 dunno; but the PAPER do say
forecast Punch.
There goes a man who has been
in hundreds of revolutions" ''You
don't say!" Yes, he used to work on
a Ferris Birmingham Age
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18
Georgian SpIendor.

The coronations of the Georges have
been remarkable for splendor. George
II and George III were crowned with
great pomp, and regardless of expense.
With the browning of George ~,
the climax was reached. 100000
pounds being spent on the ceremony.
This sum would not be paralleled by
less than 100000 pounds in our pres
ent stage of wealth and prosperity
But William " went on different
tack, and insisted on more rigid
economy. The whole bill was only
$4,000 pounds Queen V;ctoria's cor
onation was carried out with equal
economy. But with that the King Ed
ward we returned to lavish expendi-
ture and great display.-Answers
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

fed their captive and waited with what
patience they could And then one
night came Janet She entered by the
skylight, but her hands and face were
clean and her hair brushed She cast
the captive loose and then said:
Il amt stole a thing since that day."
That's pretty fair replied Mr.
Manton.
And don't you think look nicer?"
You surely do
ITS because you let me fall in love
with you. I want to please. you know,
An uncle of mine is in this job. Going
to bring the cops down on him when
you get out 2"
Not at all, young woman. Two
weeks ago real estate man who IS
called eminently respectable came near
beating me out of twenty thousand
dollars. Why should I blame couple
for trying TO do me out of a quarter OF
that sum -
"I guess you'll be glad to hear I've
got a place in box factory at four
dollars a week ?"
Yes, that's good. Most all thieves.
robbers and burglars admit there's no
profit in their trade"
You'd rather be loved by a factory
girl than by thief, I know. I'm
thinking of you most all the time.
Well, we've got to shin up the rope ana
make over the roofs"
Fifteen minutes later Mr.. Manton
was on the street and walking home
wards. He met several patrolmen
and passed two police stations, but he
had nothing to say. Janet's uncle and
his pal had tried to extort money from
him, which is a prison offense. He
passed hundreds of buildings whose
owners were squeezing the tenants
down to the last cent to pile up their
own profits. Why not a law to punish
them?
Two weeks later the bachelor re-
ceived a scrawl on postal card which
read:
ct guess you'll be glad to hear my
wages have riz to five dollars week.
Janet"
Yes: he was glad. 1t was three
months before another card came. It
read:
MY wages have riz to six dollars a
week and have bow, but I'm loving
you STILL
Then year passed, and third card
announced a "riz'' to eight dollars and
more love" and four months later the
climax:
ct am now lady and have got
married to Tom Griggs, but he says I
may still love you. Respectfully, yours,
Janet"
"And if I had preached reform to
her where would she have been," ask
ed the bachelor of himself as he laid
down the postal. Seems to me It's
just about as well to let things work
out by themselves. - Copyright, 1911,
by the Associated Literary Press)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Hard work for some people is no
more than play for others.
y =
The real smart man never attempts
to convey the idea that he is.
=
IF all that was said behind persons
backs were said to their faces. there'd
be a continuous battle-royal going on.
It will have to be confessed that Cos
sip is mighty interesting If it wasn't
not so much attention would be paid
to it.
Between man and woman there is
apt to be a divergence of views as to
what is the stupidest creature in the
world
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18
FROM OTHER PENS
THE PARLIAMENTARY PROBLEM.


1t is reported from London that a
change has come over the Unionist
party with reference to the policy to
be pursued regarding the Parliament
bill recently passed by the House of
Commons and now in process of
amendment by the House OF Lords in
such terms that it is certain that the
ministry will insist upon acceptance in
the original form. Confronted by the
virtual certainty that as last resort
the government will secure from the
King the cSeation of enough peers to
pass the bin in its original form, the
Unionists are now disposed to let the
matter go through, possibly with a
mild amendment, which will prevent
the immediate operation of the new
system. The object of this move is
plain. It is hoped to postpone the
actual destruction of the House of
Lords as a legislative factor as long as
possible for the sake of IN overturn at
the polls in the event a general cleo
ton is forced by an unexpected hap
pening.
This seems forlorn hope In any
case there is no likelihood of a break
in the coalition between the Liberals,
Irish Nationalist and Laborites, pro-
vided the present program is carried
out to finish. That program includes
the passage first of the Parliament
bill, next, by means of TIE facility for
legislation afforded by that measure,
a home rule bill for ireland, a church
disestablishment bill for Wales and
bill to overcome the operation of the
so-called Osborne judgment for the
benefit of the Labor party. None of
these bills, however, can without the
immediate assent of the House of
Lords, become a law inside of two
years under the operation oe the pro-
posed new plan.-Washingto Star
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Spanish newspapers are insisting
that because the evidence appears to
indicate that the old battleship Maine
was not blown up from the outside,
the United States should make for
NAL apology to Spain. But what good
would that do? And besides only one
set of experts are agreed on the propo-
sitfon that the Maine was blown up
from the inside. So voluminous will be
the controversy that is sure to be
waged on this point between the rival
experts in the U. S. army and navy
that there is not likely ever to be a
definite decision reached in the prem
5ses. The better way out of the di-
Iemma would be for Spain and the
United States to forget all about the
unhappy incident.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

They do things differently in Spain.
There was serious riot the other
day at Saragossa between striking min
ers and the civil and military authori-
ties. The next day all the business
houses remained closed and no news
paper appeared on the streets. Such
an occurrence in any town in this
country would have resulted in the
local newspapers getting out special
editions every hour or so.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Concerning the effort that has been
launched to reform the method of de-
bate in the United States senate, Sena-
tor Lodge remarked that the senate
must take some action along this line
or it would become the laughing stock
of deliberative bodies. Not only is the
senate that already. but It is also the
laughing stock of the multitudes who
are not directly connected with such
bodies
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
IFrom the New York Press.

lP OIL the view L Otk Z CSS.
A man would just as lief have boils
as go shopping with his wife.
It's never late enough for an old
maid to mend her kitteaish ways.
The man who longs to lead a for
lorn charge in battle wells murder
when his collar is too tight
A girl judges how successful she is
at taking away her best friends beau
by how mad the other girl gets with
her.
Morals were SO queer in the old
days that most of the ancestors we
take 50 much pride in would have been
hanged in these days
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

A Pennsylvania Italian, who had re-
ceived many Black Hand letters
threatening his life if he did not pay
heavy tribute put a butler through the
heart Of one of the Black Handlers who
came around to collect "A small matter
of $4,000. Instead of being arrested.
as he was, this Italian should have
been given the freedom of his town
and made the king of a carnival ar
ranged especially in his tonor
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

FULL, LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers OF the State journal
away from home during the summer
NAV have the paper mailed regularly
each day to any address at the rare OF
zen cents a week or thirty cents
month (by mail only Address
changed as often as desired. While
out or town the State Journal viii be
20 Won like a daily letter from home.
Advance payment Is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Next to a NOR opoly in good working
order a champion prize fighter seems
10 have the easiest money making
plant. Jack Johnson is to get a purse
Of $1,000, whether he wins. loses or
draws in a fight he is to engage in
With Bombadier Wells before a London
sporting club some time during septem-
her
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

According to the claims of some beau
~ doctors women can now be equipped
with false eyelashes. But it is to be
hoped that the false hair style in this
particular viii not run to the bulk anc
volume that it las in coiffures.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

OF course, politics has nothing to
do with the wholesale quizzes and in
vestigations that the Democratic con-
gressmen have launched against the
Republicans who are at the head of
the imnortant federal DEPARTMENTS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18
Kansas baseban fans are as rabidly

Kansas baseball fans are as rabidly
enthusiastic as any in the land and in
tensely dislike to have their sport
spoiled in any way But no kicks
have been heard from any of them
during the past few days because of
games that have been postponed or
CALLED ON account of rain
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Not so long ago a suggestion came
from the state university that the
number of students attending this in
Etitution would have to be limited be-
cause of inadequate appropriations
by the legislature for it's conduct. Now
complaint is made of lack Of funds to
advertise The university for the pur-
pose Of extracting more students to
a.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

It's becoming evident that a mole
hill would provide Governor Stubs
with more than enough material for
the making OF an extensive range of
r11ounfafna
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

With hay in Kansas at SIS a ton, it
will be almost as expensive to keep n
horse supplied with it as it is 10 keep
en- automobile in gasoline.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

And, why doesn't he say something
about the rights Of the governor, as
prescribed by law, to use the attorney
generals Office for a billboard?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

We rise to enquire: Why doesn't
Dawson?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

But, as second choice. we would pre-
fer a little blue grass on the state
house lawn. But, if it must be shrubs,
keep in mind, gents OF the executive
council. the vast possibility of a few
electric light plants commingled with
the shrubbery.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

And, further, why doesn't he give
his letters to the newspapers, let Hon.
Dawson read them in standard print,
and thus save the expense of postage?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

We now feel the burnins. need Of
shrubbery on the state house lawn
And, incidentally, a permanent cleo.
tric light in each shrub.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Governor Cruce gives 1t out fat that
Washington can't run Oklahoma.
Holding, apparently that Washington
is in the same class with Governor
Cruce.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18
I'M e

We rise to enquire: why doesn't
Hon. Stubs write q letter to Hon.
Dawson?
And. why doesn't he say something
about the rights of the governor, as
prescribed by law. to use the attorney
generals Office for a billboard?
And. further. why doesn't he give
his letters to the newspapers, let Hon.
Dawson read them in standard print,
and thus save the expense of postage?
We now feel the burnins- need of
shrubbery on the state house lawn.
And, Incidentally, a permanent cleo
trio light in each shrub.
But, as second choice. we would pre-
house lawn. But, if it must be shrubs,
keep in mind, gents OF the executive
council. the vast possibility of a few
electric light plants commingled with
the shrubbery.
Governor Cruce gives it out fat that
Washington can't run Oklahoma.
Holding, apparently that Washington
is in the same class with Governor
Cruce.
Others r1ay have their troubles, but
they are mere trif1es compared with
the unfortunate boob who gees to q
party and fOrgets to remove all the
laundry pins from his stewed shirt.
Emperor William of Germany has
ordered 40 automobiles for his sum-
mer and fall use. Emp. VIM. uses the
editorial Eve" in speaking of himself,
but unlike the editor, he can afford SO
autos to transport the excess person
atty.
They may not can Doc Wiley but
the chances are good for a noticeable
reduction in his personal advertising.
He who stops and thinks before he
speaks, has done a whole lot, but even
he who stops has accomplished some
thing
The Washington woman who is
building a $4,000 private theater may
get her moneys worth yet She may
be able to see a show without having
a bunch of alleged society women pip
ing off the hang of her skirt with
opera glasses.
Mrs. Snapp Oocal case) is suing her
husband for divorce. We gather from
her petition that she found him mis-
branded.
When woman writes a personal
letter, She suspects the pOStm aSter and
others of reading it, but she would
send the same communication in a
telegram and never for a moment sus-
pect the operator.
Early rising. contrary to the theory
advanced in the rhymed saw. does not
always make for wealth. The early
rising woman may get in on a bargain
sale, while her late-rislng sister may
save money because the Big Bargains
have been Picked over.
About the ony variety at some
boarding houses is the names of the
meals.
Tastes are governed largely by cir
cumstances. The man WIZ eats the
deer killed on his hunting trip, would
rather buy bologna sausage at the
meat market.
Other candidates may as well put
their booms in cold storage until this
wave of enthusiasm passes over. Cen
eral Precipi Tation is the hero of the
hour.
Hep
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Others may have their troubles, but
they are mere trifles compared with
the unfortunate boob who gees to q.
party and forgets to remove all the
laundry pins from his stewed shirt.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Emperor William of Germany has
ordered 40 automobiles for his sum-
mer and fall use. Emp. VIM. uses the
editorial I'VE" in speaking Of himself,
but unlike the editor. he can afford SO
autos to transport the excess person
atty.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Tastes are governed largely by cir
cumstances. The man WIZ eats the
deer killed on his hunting trip, would
rather buy bologna. sausage at the
meat market.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

About the ony variety at some
boarding houses is the names of the
meals.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

When a woman writes a personal
letter she suspects the postmaster and
others of reading it, but she would
send the same communication in
telegram and never for a moment sus-
pect the operator.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Early rising. contrary to the theory
advanced in the rhymed saw. does not
always make for wealth. The early
rising woman may get in on a bargain
sale, while her late-rislng sister may
save money because the Big Bargains
have been Picked Over
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

They may not can Doc Wiley but
the chances are good for a noticeable
reduction in his personal advertising.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Other candidates may as well put
their booms in cold storage until this
wave of enthusiasm passes over. Cen
eral Precipi Tation is the hero of the
hour.
HOP
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

The Washington woman who is
building $4,000 private theater may
get her moneys worth yet She may
be able to see show without having
a bunch of alleged society women pip
ing off the hang of her skirt with
opera glasses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

He who stops and thinks before he
speaks, has done a whole lot, but even
he who stops has accomplished some
thing
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Mrs. Snapp Qocal case) is suing her
husband for divorce. We gather from
her petition that she found him mis-
branded.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-18

Fair First-Aider Cor ambulance
class)-I say, what's the poison for
which you give an epidemic Punch.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1911-05-27

como to light before the house com
mittee on military AFFAIRS The other
day, General Wood appeared before
the committee in behalf Of bill to
create bureau OF the general staff.
The bill proposed would materially In
crease the powers Of the general staff.
Tucked away In the folds Of his bill,
there appeared q provision which
would have done away with the adult
ant generals Office as row constituted.
It would have had the effect Of land
ing General Ainsworth out in the tleld
in command Of . division.
General Ainsworth and his friends
discovered what was In the wind and
busted themselves nightly trying to
head off the fell purpose Of the chief
OF staff to swoop down upon the ad-
jutant generals office. The result Is
that the committee will probably kill
the bill. In the meantime the adult
ant generals office IS keeping q strong
picket line out to see that General
Wood does not attack and capture It
some dark night. And the feud be-
tween the two offices Is causing d.
vision among army officers that rami-
fes more or less thru the war depart
ment
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1911-05-27
ANY BRIDE TlsEIED IN
In india, When the oseomba Elsst
cheles Daiiesd. He Aocspted
Volunteer.

- al =. . W P y i y
The You&h's- Companion recOonto-g
story q wedding described IN 81.
Winifred Heston's ~ Bluestocldng -
india" ID. NJ
Yesterday Iwent to . native Chris
tan wedding. Many guests had @.
Eomoled and the ceremony had pfo.
Creased to the point whore NJ. 90rox
asked the bride:
Do you take this man 10 lave,
cherish and obeyr when the young
woman IN the case responded With .
surprhins and unnistakable MOI
Mr.. Grey labored With her In an
undertone. but to no avail. Tho; mar.
riags had, asausual. hsen arrang6A ~
the parents without -ccnHllttng the
daughter. But &c IL i almost IN sun-
known thingsfo . girl 70 BE- sos bolA:
and disobedtsnt. The situation was
then explained to the assembled
guests. and avoluntesrs were sasksd to
supply the vacancy. A young woman,
promptly came forwurA and the oeao-
mony proceeded - Il notA1.gss AaA
happened.
"Afterward the bridal, pair left the
altar by different aisles. 20 hold - 70.
cepttons under . tree. whore consTa4-
ulations ana rice were poured upon
them. The groom a>slsvsr. ring
upon tho great. toe Of tho brides Left
loot, and a. 'bestsman. tied the groom's
necksscarfsto the brides Towing gar
ment, and thus they. sat In state for
some hours"
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1911-05-27
Would Destroy One Joks.

Locks of every Imaginable kind
have been invented, but there is now
on the market a keyless door lock
that Is rapidly taking the place OF
the lock of the old style. Harpers
Weekly notes.
These keyless locks do not appear,
at a glance. to differ greatly from the
ordinary lock. They have fancy
plate ard a knob and they can be
placed on any door. Instead OF the
key and keyhole. however. there 10 .
particular bit OF mechanism beneath
the knob, with four to six little levers,
which can be pressed or raised to I'm.
lock the door. The owner or person
who has right to enter can be gwen
the combination and tho lifting OF one
or more Of these little levers. one OF
more times, just as may be arranged,
will release the bolt and the door VIII
open. Tho closing Of tho door VIII
lock It and a certain lever wau 70
lease It II 1t is worked from the In,
side. Numerous combinations may b
had and these can be changed 1t any
time.