davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-04
A SMILE OR TWO
PERHAPS A LAUGH

Claude Grahame- White. the Eng
lish aviator. was praising. at the
New York Horse show. American no
tells:
They are stupendous." he said.
There's nothing like them abroad.
And as rule their service is as in
comparable as their size and their
magnihcence.
Sometimes, though-not often. but
sometimes-the American hotel guest
| is treated more like a boy i'm a board
| ing school than a paying visitor i'm a
hotel Thus a friend of mine went to
the desk in his hotel the other day to
lodge a complaint.
"a complaint. eh?' said the clerk.
Wei, I guess you'n have TO see the
boss about that. That's him there
my friend turned to the boss. who
stood at his elbow. smoking cigar.
care you the proprietor of this no.
tel?' he began.
The proprietod took his cigar from
his mouth. looked my friend up and
down and drawled:
"'Well., / thought was till you
came New York Tribune.
Rastus has been caught red handed.
"Poaching again, Rastus?" said the
colonel, gravely Il am afraid, Rastus,
that you're a bad egg"
"Yassuh dass what is fo' sho cum
mel" said the old man. rs jest plain
bad aig. cunnel.'
so you admit it, do you?" demand
ed the colonel.
"Yassah-I admits it, cunnel, becuz
we know, cunnel, dem bad aigs nebbah (
peaches. subj" said the old man.
Whereupon the colonel let him off
with no other punishment than toler- |
ably swift impact between the toe
of his own boot and the tails Of Uncle /
Rastus frock coat-Harper' Weekly |
Some Spiritualists were at one time /
very anxious to persuade the famous .
novelist Charles Dickens. TO become a .
Spiritualist He was. on one occasion
induced to attend seance, so that .
ne might Dc converted TO tle CUT. ne /
was asked whose spirit he would most
like 10 appear and he said at once.
"Lindley Murray IN due course they
informed him that the famous master
OF grammar was i'm the room. Dickens
asked, Are you Lindley Murray" and
the spirit answered, IL are!" All hope
Of making Charles Dickens a Spiritual
list was gone from that moment.-Liv-
erpool Post.
Hello, Binsky," said Jorrock, 81
hear you turned up at Willoughby's
fancy dress ball"
Yes" said little Binks.
What did you go as?" asked Jor-
rocks.
why" said little Binks. 81 gathered
up my New Years mail and went as
bill fle."-Harper's Weekly.
The minister was shaking hands
with a new member Of his congrega-
ion. a girl fresh from Sweden, and
said cordially: Il would like to know
your address so l could call on you"
co." said the girl, innocently, 81 haf
man."-Success Magazine
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-04

King George will open Parliament
Monday. He will be accompanied by
the Queen, and there will be d fun
state ceremony. Owing to the stirring
national issues to come up for settle
ment the parliamentary session Is ex-
pected to be one Of the most moment
Gus of recent years.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-04

Father-what is that noise in the
parror. Tommy? Tommy-Tbat's sis
dropping a hint. She wants that young
man TO 60 bome.-Chicago News.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-04

The minister was shaking hands
with a new member of his congrega-
said cordially: Il would like to know
your address so l could call on you"
co." said the girl, innocently, 81 haf
a man."-Success Magazine.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-04
Trip of Evasion.

Bacon-And you say your brother
has settled in Canada?
Egber-No, didn't say so. think
ne went there to get out of settling
Dinks-The aeronaut's wire seems TO
be so anxious to carry out his wishes.
whistles; she Is the most dlrigible
wife I ever met.-Illustrated Bits.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-04

David Dispham was undergoing the
ministration of the ship barber.
Il opes," said the barber that we
shall ave the pleasure of EARN you
at the concert tonight"
mo-" explained the famous singer
i've had a long and eXhausting sea-
son i'm America and within a few days
| am To open in London. | have deciG-
It's the same way with me-" said
the barber understandipgly when
I'm hashore never looks at a razor"
Success Magazine.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-04

The Initiative and referendum and
number of other questions Of public
Importance are included in the agenda
of the Manitoba legislature. which will
assemble in regular session Thursday.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-04

News Want Ads bring results
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-04

The event of the week in the social
world will be the international we'd
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-02-04

Very skeptically the terrace land
lord surveyed the prospective tenant.
do you play foOtball?" he grunted
The prospective tenant raised hi:
ey ebrows and replied in the negative.
Nor referee"
NO, nor referee" answered the p. T
"Why?"
Zoos I'm taking no risks" eX-
planned the landlord "The last felleI
that took this house was a referee
Gave a wrong decision. Was thumped
in the back. Swallowed the whistle
After that he couldn't breathe without
shrieking like goods engine. Kept the
neighbors awake all night Had to give
him notice"
Bad luck on the referee" comment
ed the +. Il.
Il don't know" returned the land
lord. HE got a good crib on a light
house. on foggy nights he puts his
head out of the window and simply
breathes. Noise enough to scare a
navy off the rocks. SOFT job."-Ideas
The Keota news., 1911-05-26
CURED ITCHING AND BURNING

Il was taken with the itch in April.
1904. and used most everything.
had friend pay me a visit from
Cumberland. and she advised me to
use Cuticura Remedies which l did.
The cure was certainly quick. and
use them to this day. l had 1t terri
bly, under my knees. / only used one
box OF pills, but two boxes OF Cuti-
cura Ointment. and l use the Cuti-
cura Soap all the time. I hope this
will benefit others. as 1t has me, after
DR.. and others could do moth
Ing for me-" (Signed) Miss Lu John
son. 1923 Ninth ST.. N. W.. Wash
ington. D. c.. April 8, 1910.
In a later letter Miss Johnson adds:
"The trouble began with an eruption
under my knees, and extended up
wards toward my waist. until l was
not able to sit down. 1t kept q con-
slant itching and burning all the time,
night and day. I went to my doctor.
but he could do me NO good after
do not know how many medicines he
gave me. and then told mo I would
be compelled to go to . skin special
list. which l positively refused to do. I
cried all the time. Finally I made
up my mind to try Cuticura Rem.
edies. and tried Cuticura Pills. Oint-
ment and Soap, and was entirely
cured Of the itching three days after
I started using them. The healing
took about eight days. consider
Cuticura Remedies marvellous. and
would recommend them everywhere"
Cuticura Remedies are sold through
out the world. Send to Potter Drug
4 Chem. Corp. Boston, for free book
on skin amictions.
The Keota news., 1911-05-26
SHE HAD NOTHING ON jim
Matrimonial MIxup In Which Linda
Seemed to Come Out
Poor Second.

While l was being shaved the shop
door opened gently and in walked q
colored boy of fifteen, who looked
around in an embarrassed way for
moment and then said to the barber:
Jim. you was ingaiged to my sister
Linda"
You mean is engaged to her."
was the pompous reply.
But Linda has sent word"
.Oh, she has? Does she dun want
the marriage hurried up?"
mo. sab; she dun wants you to
know dat she married Bill Lee bout
two hours ago."
What? What's dat? Your sister
dun married to dat niger. Very well,
sab. Den you return to dat sister and
big her my compliments and tell her
dat l was dun married mo- dan fo'
weeks ago and dat she hadn't dun
fooled me WORT shucks. OATS all, sab,
and please close de doah as you go
From Norman r. Mack's Ma
tional Monthly.
The Keota news., 1911-05-26
The Doctors Twins.

An Irish doctor, while enjoying
holiday in the country. took the op-
portunity along with friend to 60
fishing. During operations the doctors
sinker came off and was lost. Here
was a dilemma-no sinker. no more
fishing that day. Haapy thought-he
had bottle In his pocket. The bottle
was filled with water. carefully corked
and send down on its mission.
After few minutes interval the
doctor had a bite and pulled up his
line at racing speed, finding pair OF
fish, one on each hook. "Ha. doctor;
twins this time," exclaimed his COM
panion.
Yes" quoth the doctor. "and
brought up on the bottle, too!"-Bel-
fast Times.
The Keota news., 1911-05-26
FEED YOU MONEY
Feed Your Brain, and II viii Feed
You Money and Fame.

Ever since boyhood I have beea
especially fond OF meats. and am con-
vinced l ate too rapidly. and failed to
masticate my food properly.
The result was that found myself,
q few years ago. ahiicteG with all
ments OF the stomach, and kidneys.
which interfered seriously with my
business.
AT last l took the advice OF friends
and began to eat Grape-Nuts instead
Of the heavy meats, etc., that had con-
sututed my former diet
Il found that l was At once bene-
nted by the change. that l was soon
relieved from the heartburn and indi-
gestion that used to follow my meals,
that the pains in my back from my
kidney affection had ceased.
MY nerves. which used to be un-
steady, and my brain. which was slow
and lethargic from a heavy diet ot
meats and greasy foods. had, not in =
moment, but gradually. and none the
less surely, been restored to normal
emciency.
'Now every nerve Is steady and my
brain and thinking faculties are quick
Or and moro acute than for years past.
After my old style breakfasts used
to suffer during the forenoon from
feeling OF weakness which hindered
mo seriously in my work, but since
began to use Grape-Nuts food l can
work till dinner time with all ease
and comfort" Name given by Pos
tum Co., Battle Creek. Mich.
There's reason"
Read the little book, "The Road to
Wellville." In pkgs.
Ever read the ahove lstteFf A new
enc aDpears from time t. time. They
are genuine, tIHo, aAA fuO 81 hunso
The Keota news., 1911-05-26
Politician and Preacher.

politician in q western state. long
suspected OF crookedness and noted
for his shifty ways. was finally In
dicted and tried. The jury was out a
long time. but eventually acquitted
him. After the verdict was In and
the politician was leaving the court
room. q minister who had been in
part responsible for the indictment
and trial, approached the politician
and said: We'll. my friend. you have
escaped; but you had a close shave.
trust this will be warning to you
to lead better life and deal moro
fairly with your fellow men"
That may be-" the politician re-
piled. That may be: but amt
pledged to any one."-Saturday Eve
ming Post.
The Keota news., 1911-05-26
Sir Charles Was Bored.

Col. Sir Charles Hightsdale had MS
regiment out for practice marcn on
the road near Dublin. His command
was the shire Yeomanry, wnich
had suffered several overwhelming
routs in the Boar war. Meetihg
drove OF pigs on the way to DuDlin
market. Sir Charles considerateN
halter his regiment so as to let the
Pigs pass. -.
"Oh, come on, colonel: come on!
cried the pigmaster. respectfully sa-
luting. Come on. yer honor. Sure,
there isn't a boar among them.-
Harper's Weekly.
The Keota news., 1911-05-26

Hotels and Boarding Houses Locat-
ed on the Line of the Rio Grande Sys-
tenn is the title of an attractive little
booklet Just issued by the passenger
department Of that line.
1t contains list OF all hotels and
boarding houses adjacent to the Den
yer & Rio Grande Railroad in Colo
RADIO. Utah and New Mexico. giving
the number OF guests each hotel will
accommodate, average cost of board.
together with the name of the pro-
prietor. Tourists and travelling men
will certainly find this publication of
great value in making reservations for
hotel accommodations in advance, or
in selecting same after arrival at des-
tination.
The Keota news., 1911-05-26
cat show.
Hook-How was that7
Co0k-Ho took tho cat.
Who She Was.

We'll" laughed Squiggles. some
men never know when they are
snubbed. That lady you Just spoke
to was about as distant as they make
'em in her greeting"
We'll. why shouldn't she be?" re-
torted Jabbers. She's q distant rela-
tive OF mine"
by marriage?"
at Sioux Falls back In 1S9S."-Har-
per's Weekly.
The Keota news., 1911-05-26
Gaiety Of Nations.

Patience-That woman Is rea'
benefactCr.
Patrice-How so?
because she made two smiles
come where one came before.
How did she manage IT.?
"She donned harem sklrt.
YOnkers Statesman.
The Keota news., 1911-05-26

Those with whom we can apparent.
ly become well acquainted in a few
moments are generally the most dit.
hcult to rightly know and underatand.
The Keota news., 1911-05-26
An "Anelo-American Number"

The June Century" is to be an
"Anglo-American Number" with ar
ticles on 1.-THE Commercial Strength
of Great Britain" THE Training OF
English Children THE Flavor OF
Life at Oxford "The Panama Canal
and Sea Power in the Pacific" "The
Mexican Rurales." and. by James
Cardinal Gibbons, "An Anglo-Ameri-
can Pact of Peace"
The Keota news., 1911-05-26
GEN ERAL.

$4,000
Three persons were drowned by the
overturning OF canoe In the city
reservoir on the outskirts OF Hamfl.
ton. Ohio.
Wells Fargo Express Company has
cific Express. which operates over
the Missouri Pacific.
The Wisconsin house passed the
James woman suffrage bill. which con-
tains clause calling for state refer
endum, before II goes into effect.
Maj. Henry Mcfarland. treasurer OF
the Union Pacific railroad from 1877
to 1883. died In Concord, y. H. He
was born in Concord in 1891
Miss Gertrude Gaynor. twenty-five.
daughter OF Mayor Gaynor OF New
York and William Seward Webb, Jr.,
eloped at Wilmington. Del. and mar
ried
Mrs. Williamina Patton Fleming. one
world and curator OF astronomical
records in Harvard University. died in
Boston hospital.
Business sessions OF the United
Confederate Veterans were brought
to a close In Little Rock. with the
for the EeXt reunion.
The administration measure provid.
ing for a constitutional amendment
for the initiative and referendum
passed the Wisconsin Assembly 55 to
II. 1t now goes to the Senate.
Six negroes were lynched at Lake
City. Fla. after a party OF more than
a dozen men. aasquerading as Off
GERS. appeared at the county Jail and
secured possession Of the men.
Judge eager Of the Superior Court OF
New Haven. Conn. granted q divorce
to Mrs. Henry Lord Wheeler. wife OF
professor Henry Lord Wheeler. Yale
professor in organic law. and 100000
alimony.
All the way from the Rocky Noun
tains to the Atlantic coast hot wave
stretched throughout. with tempera-
lures almost breaking records in
various cities and causing twelve
deaths and numerous prostrations.
James Elliott. who recently made an
alleged confession in which he
charged that officers OF the National
Erectors' Association and w. J. Burns
and detectives employed by it. were
implicated in the wrecking Of build
ings throughout the country construct
ed by non union labor. has been found
to be mentally deranged and was sent
to cL asylum.
Fifty-three babies under / year old.
most Of them only a few weeks old,
died during the four days OF extreme
heat. from May 18th to May 18th in
| elusive, in Chicago. The mortuary
almost as rapidly as they came into
the world.
A resolution. advocating uniform
marriage laws throughout the United
States and requiring physical exami-
nation of both parties to marriage
contract before marriage. was adopted
| by the Western Unitarian conference
| at Indianapolis
Senator Edgar T. Crawford Of Car
roll county and Representative A.
Clark Lowry Of Lawrence county. Re-
The Keota news., 1911-05-26

Mrs. WIgGfns-Our daughter MaryH
in love.
Mr.. WigEins-How do you know?
Mrs. Wiggins-She refers to twi-
light as tho cleaning.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-20

trains, and mary new conveniences in
addition.
The trains will consist of only six
cars, and thus the high speed that will
be demanded to make the schedule
may be maintained with comparative
ease. Each train will carry only a
dynamo and baggage car, a diner,
three drawing room sleepers and an
observation smoking car. The sleep
ing and drawing room cars will be
finished in mahogany and other beauti-
full hardwoods and furnished in luxuri-
Gus fashion. The sleeping cars VIII
each contain ten sections. two COM
partments and a drawing room. A
ladies' maid, manicure and hair dress
er will aid in caring for the needs of
the women.
The men will also be taken care of,
there being a barber, shower bath, ar
engagements for pressing clothing and
a stenographer aboard.
The berths are to be electric lighted,
both upper and lower. and electric
fans will cool the air of the car.
The dust and dirt of transcontinental
travel will be eliminated as much as
possible by the installation of vacuum
cleaners that will do away with the Of
fensive brushing up of dirt in the cars
At all terminals the trains Will be given
telephone connections and travellers
will be enabled to talk with friends in
the city without leaving the cars.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-20

geles every Tuesday. No tickets will
be sold to intermediate points for this
train.
The Santa Fe wishes to make the
trip to California one of real joy to the
traveller The train De Luxe is an
extra fare train running only once
week and caters to the exclusive pas
sengers who wish to spend money for
additional conveniences.
The train will have every detail OF
perfect service. News services will be
ed on the train-that is. a skeleton out
line of the most important news Of
the day will be gathered at certain
points and distributed among the pas
sengers Market reports and other in
teresting telegraph features Will be
given.
Electric lights, electric fans and
berth lights, the best of ventilation.
library of fiction and magazines, tele-
phones, barber. baths, a maid, valet,
etc. etc.
Another important change in the card
is the through service from St Louis
and Memphis to San Francisco T1e
St. Louis and San Francisco railroad
will run trains from St. Louis ana
Memphis to WaynOka, Ok, where lie
train will be received by the Santa
Fe and hustled through to the coast
via the Relin cutoff
The Santa Fe is also invading the
sacred fields of the Southern Pacific by
nI1ting on a. high-class train between
Los Angeles and San Francisco rms
is an important move to the west coast,
as heretofore the Southern Pacific mas
held absolute control of the connec-
Hons between the important California
cities
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-20
GREATEST RAIL WATER SYSTEM
Ell Paso & Southwestern Has Monster
Reservoir at Corona, N. M

Corona, n. NJ, Oct. 20.-The great
est water system owned by any rail-
road in the world is that of the Ell
Paso & Southwestern in the Nogal.
With ninety-two miles of pipe line,
some of it 16-inch, and a reservoir
with a capacity of 450,000,00O gallons,
the system has no rival on any other
railroad line. The system was install
ed solely for the purpose Of providing
water for the LOGON olives of the Ell
Paso & Southwestern railroad. The
alkah water in this part of New Mex
leo ate UP the boilers so fast that the
expense was terrific. The decision
came to build a mammoth reservoir in
the mountains, where the melted
SHOWS could be gathered, and pipe it
along sha line for railroad Use.
The preparations entailed first the
purchase of the water rights on the
south fork Of the Bouito creek. which
necessitated purchases as far as Fort
Stanton. This done, the company own
ed the waters, and then il began the
construction of a reservoir to iInpounG
the waters and hold them The reser-
voir completed, it was necessary to
pipe the water to the railroad which
is just 35 miles from the reservoir site.
The water is brought down to within
five miles of Coyote in a 16-inch pipe,
by gravity, and the pressure at certain
places is as high as 125 pounds. Five
miles west of Coyote the pipe forks,
one going to Carrizozo and a 12-inch
pipe bringing the water on to that
point. At Coyote a $4,000 pumping
plant lifts the water into gigantic tank
for engine use and sends it on twenty
miles to Luna, where a similar plant
gives it another lift up over the hill to
Corona, another supply station. From
here the water flows by gravity north
ward down the hill to Pasture The
entire length of the pipe line is 80
miles and the entire system cost $2,-
100000. The pipes are made of white
pine Cast pipes were considered too
expensive and no other sort but a
wooden pipe would have had strength
enough to resist the pressure and hold
up under it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-20
RAILROAD NEWS.
Final Announcements on Santa
Fe Train De Luxe.
Will Start From Both Terminals
December 10.
TOPEKA PASSED UP
Only Five Stops Between Chica-
go-LOs Angeles.
in Traffic World.

December 10 is the day set for the
start of the train de luxe on the
Santa Fe. This order has been re
ceived at the general offices of the
road in Topeka. The information was
given out by W. J. Black, passenger
traffic manager of the Santa Fe who
has been in Topeka the last few days,
for the first time since he left here a
few years ago.
The Santa Fe De Luxe is said to
be one of the most elaborate trains ever
placed on wheels. The equipment was
designed and built especially for the
Santa Fe and every effort has be n
made to offer cOnveniences uneXcell-
ed by the railroads in this country.
Only five stops will be made be-
tween Chicago and Los Angeles. To-
peka is not favored with a hesitation
of this magnificent palace on wheels
The stops announced by Mr.. Black are
St Louis. Kansas City, La Junta, AL
buquerque, and Williams. At Williams
is the Grand Canyon junction. The
train will be run over the cutoff to
save time and still give ample run
ming time for the 63-hour run be-
tween Chicago and Los Angeles.
The train de luxe will run from
Chicago to Los Angeles in SO hours.
They will start simultaneously from
Chicago and Los Angeles December
10 and the schedule will be retained
until about May I. The train leaves
the terminals, Chicago and Los An
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-20
rRY no Guido SANTA FE.
Southern Pacific Lays Great Plans for
Sunset De Luxe.

San Bernardino, Cal, Oct. 20
Nothing less than a cut Of 80 hours is
contemplated by the Southern Pacific
in the time of its new de luxe train
that will make its initial trip on De-
cember between New Orleans and
Los Angeles and San Francisco. 1t is
to be operated over the Sunset route.
The Hartman lines refuse to be out
done by the Santa Fe, which has an
nounced a de luxe train for Deem
Der l.
The new Southern Pacific Sunset
train will be all steel. The new equip
ment is now being built in the Pull
man shops.
The cars will be of the latest design
and will contain every comfort now in
use on the fastest and best equipped
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-20
SEND BIG ENGINES no KANSAS.
Missouri Pacific Places Monsters on
Wichita Division.

Wichita. kan. Oct 20-Large
freight engines are now in use on the
Missouri Pacific railway between
Wichita and Yates Center. The Mis-
souri, Pacific railway has received three
monster locomotives and thirteen more
of them will be received SOON They
viii be placed in service between
Wichita and Yates Center and Fort
Scott They are known as Glass One
engines and are the largest locomo-
tives on the system. The smaller en-
gines displaced by the large locomo-
tives will be sent to the other divisions
where the traffic is not so heavy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-20
Billx Pearce Is KiIIed.

Sioux City, Ia, Oct. 2O.-s'Billy''
Pearce, a well known automobile
driver, driving a Colby racing car at
a mile a minute pace on the south
turn of the woodland park race was
killed instantly last evening when his
machine crashed into the fence
Pearce was on a practice spin in pre-
paration for the race meet which
opens today. A burst tire is sup
posed to have been the cause.