Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-24
HE KEEPS WASHINGTON ALIVE.
Big Guns May Come and Go, But Cap.
ital Must Depend on the Government

Big Guns May Come and 60, But Cap.
itaI Must Depend on the Government
] Clerk.
1t is principle of physics that the
base of a pyramid must be broader
than its apex. Thoughtful persons have
compared this government of ours to a
pyramid, Of which the three co-ordi-
nate branches-the executive, legisia-
| tive and judicial-form said apex.
Just which Of them is the capstone
the present writer does not know, and
wouldn't say If he did, not desiring to
/, get into any argument. Let the pres
ident and congress and the supreme
court settle 1t among themselves; the
writer has to hurry on with this piece
to catch an edition.
| 1t is not with the apex but with the
base of the pyramid that his article
has to do. Upon what does the gov
ernment rest? That Is the question.
After careful inquiry and the thinking
Of some Of the weightiest thoughts in
his possession, the writer is able to
state that, so far as Washington is
concerned. the foundation Of the whole
works Is the government clerk. There
are about 10000 Of him-and her-in
| the various departments, and II is not
too much to say that without him
and her-this town would be In a
mighty bad way along about Satur-
| day night when the man calls to coll
lect for the laundry, the grocer slips
his bill under the door and the numer-
Gus other little obligations so blithely
contracted during the week fall due.
Many towns have a boiler factory, a
soap works, city council with fran
chise committee, or some such indus
| try, to keep money in circulation, but
Washington Is different. It has moth
ing except the government to live on,
and so far as the Washington trades
man Is concerned, the government Is
represented by these 10000 clerks, who
buy each week certain amount Of
meat and vegetables, shoes and cloth
ing. ride on street cars, go to the thea
ter get their hair cut, consult doctors
about colds, see lawyers about alimony,
and otherwise promote prosperity and
contribute to the statistics. Congress
is well enough in its way, and is a good
spender, but 1t is in town only part of
the time. When the weather begins to
get hot 1t goes back to the farm, or
the mountains or the seashore, or
wherever 1t lives and votes, and takes
its pay envelope with 1t. Then the
janitor comes and locks the doors Of
the house and senate; the committee
rooms are deserted; the capitol guide
goes to Newport with the rest of the
millionaires; the voice Of the reading
clerk is hushed and the genial lobbyist
goes home to report and turn in his
expense account.
Deserted by congress, Washington
becomes sad and thoughtful. Signs Of
hard times Immediately appear. The
apartment house windows break out
rooms to let. At the boarding house
the pie is cut into five sections and the
oysters in the stew are reduced from
six to four. The merchant discharges
the delivery boy and takes his ad out
of the paper. The hotels roll up the
Turkish rugs and put down stray mat
ting. The silver service Is locked up
In the safe and the tables set with
pewter. The messenger boy no longer
whistles gaily as he speeds on his way
and the elevator boy applies himself
to his lever with every evidence Of las
situde and dependency.
The melancholy days are come, the
saddest Of the year;
When congress goes, the money goes
and leaves naught but tear,
as the poet has so feelingly remarked.
Then 1t Is that Washington turns to
the department clerk, and with reviv-
ing hope counts the unpunched places
in Its meal ticket. The government
clerk is still on the Job, and although
the town must go on peace footing
and play close to the cushion until bet
ter days come 10000 pay envelopes are
not to be shifted at. With judgment
anu SSOioLly licy Sdii DC LduC W lidD
the crisis over until congress comes
back with horn of plenty in Its hand
and plenty of horn in It's mouth.
The government pyramid in Wash
ington, then, has a broad and solid
base. Good constitutional engineers
who have looked 1t over are of the
opinion that the foundations are cap
able Of carrying several more stories,
and there always are plenty Of politi-
cal contractors around ready to figure
on the job Of running them up. But
there is a strong difference Of opinion
among experts as to the proper math-
| ematical relation between the breadth
Of the foundations and the height Of
| the structure. The Hamiltonian school
Of engineers holds that there Is no
limit to the height to which the pyra-
mid can be piled so long as 1t Is kept
| tapering toward an approximate GEN.
| trail point. The Jeffersonian school
which studied entirely different text
weight is added to the structure 1t will
fall down, particularly If the apex Is
not at a point directly over the central
point of the base. They are Of the
opinion that the pyramid already is
out Of plumb and leaning badly and
ought to be pulled down and straight
ened before being built any higher.
The writer will not undertake to give
any expert opinion on the matter, as
he knows little about mathematics.
The only conclusion he has reached is
that 1t Is mighty lucky the original
contractors picked out good, solid
piece Of ground to build on.-Kansas
City Star.
Good Job Of Whitewashing.-InS Sem