The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-20
HUA4OR OF THE DAY

HU4OR or THE DAY
visltor-Great Scott, Why are you
throwing bottles at that poor man? Are
you trying to kill him? Baseball Fan-No;
not the slightest intention OF It. The
league is launching new umpire and we
are just christening him!-Puck.
First Trustee-But this ancient institu-
ton Of learning viii faii unless something
Is done second Trustee-True. but what
can we do2 We have already raised the
tuition until II is almost / per cent OF the
fraternity fees.-Puck.
well. madam The allowance my
husband makes me isn't enough" But
madam, decided IL was ample for your
support and the support OF the children"
more for the support of the automobile."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Crawford-Why don't you use a little
common sense and look on the bright side2
Crabshaw-Why, man, you're colorblindl
There isn't any bright side!-Judge
CounseI-Then you got seven-and-slx-
pence for the job and paid another man
you lost sixpence on the transaction!
Witness-Well. amt it worth sixpence to
be boss?
One on the Dentist-victin-S durn
ye, you've pulled the wrong tooth. Dem
tist-From the way You hollered thought
had hold Of the right one. but wen
call it my mistake.-Chicago Tribune
Rather Afixed-''There goes jenkins
widow" Yes, but he was married twice
you know" well what Of that7' We'll.
is she his first or second widow
Catholic Standard and Times.
A New One.-RisIng Junior-Now. my
good soul, what is the nature OF your bus
tr,fr
THROWN confetti at weddins, SIR
Punch.
The Drawbacx.-sswell, II you love
Clara so much, why don't you marry
herr" Il wish could She's a perfect
angel-if only her father weren't such
horrid old evil."-Fllegende Blaetter.
Only solution.-Ted what do you think
Of the agitation against the dangerous
hatpin Ned-Women viii never give them
up until they're convinced their hats
would look prettier tied under the chins
with ribbons.-Judge-
Somewhat Appropriate Piace.-Bar-
tender-We found our Free lunch served
prietor-Where7 B-sone stoodents had
hung it on the door OF a swell dame who
was givin' an afternoon tea
1T is the duty Of every one Of you to
make at least one person happy during
the week" said the Sunday school teach
/
promptly. ''That's nice. And what did
you dO7'' Il went to see my aunt. and
she's always happy when 1 go home
again. Philadelphia Ledger.
Yes. he had some rare trouble with his
tiroo te ,r,e,t ~ -oad ~ ,.,c1,iJ ,..,,i dc,,
BILE" Poor fellow" remarked the
sympathetic person. Il suppose that In
tsTfered t.s-L with viii his his holding a positionl
reading gas rs.'-IAppincott' Mag
azine-
No Team Work.-The professor Of law
was Quizzing his class. Singing out a
somnolent student In the rear Of the room.
he addressed question to him. Confused
the student rose, and bent his ear TO catch
the stage whisper Of his friends seated
about him. We'll you ought TO be able
TO answer" snapped the professor. with
all the aid you are receiving back there
Professor" came the quick reply. Il could.
here. e.'-Everybody's Magazine
First ;A.eroplanist-He',s a good fellow.
the salt Of the earth" Second Ditto
He's way above that He's the very
oxygen Of the air--Judge.
You're rather a young man 20 be left
in charge Of a drug shop" said the fugay
old gentleman. Have you any diploma ~
''Why-er-no sir" replied the shopman,
but we have preparation OF our own
that's just as good-'-Lond0n Sketch.
Brother Hardesty wasn't able to coma
to church last Sunday. He had caught a
cold" Yes, and Il settled in his feet
That was our day for taking up the nils
sionary collection. Chicago Tribune
Agent-Don't you want TO own a bonne
Of your own2 knicker-NO I'd rather
own the home Of somebody else.-Harper's
Bazaar.
Child-Mother, where do autoists 70
when they go on 10y ride? Mother
Most OF them go to the hospital my dear.
Judge.
Figg-As tailSer. Browns wife IS GER
tainly a wonder. Fogg-Right YOU aref
Wonder never ceases.-Boston TRANSCRIPT