The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1911-05-21
PER CENT OF THE
MEMBERS LACK HAIR ON TOP
OF THEIR HEADS.
AN ARRAY Of SHINING PATES
CAPTAIN Hobson Believes the Skull
EnIarges Upon Deep Thought and
as Result the Skin Tishtens,
Thus Squeezing Out the Growth.

The Sixty-second is a baldheaded
congress. Fortythree per cent OF the
representatives are innocent of hair
on top of their heads. Forty-five per
cent OF the republican minority are
bald. Thirty-seven per cent of the
militant majority are hair topless,
too.
Never since the government was
founded has the visitor to the gal
leries looked down upon such an eX-
panse OF smooth and shining pates.
OF the bald heads in this bald con
gress ST per cent are set upon the
shoulders of young men, under 10.
Why do we see superb specimens
of young manhood like Ollie James
and Richmond Hobson and Gordon
Lee and Henry Clayton bald, while
the gallant speaker in the chair, him
self Young man, loses something
almost daily from the few scattered
hairs that linger on his wise and
loyal head?
Is it serious thought, or early piety,
or the absence of sunshine and air
in the congressional chamber? Cap
tain Hobson, who thinks deeply on
many subjects, things the skull has a
telescope arrangement by which il
enlarges under high and serious
thought, tightening the skin and
making it impossible for the hair
to grow. This may explain in part.
But IL the theory OF serious thought
were complete, why, these two ses-
sions of consecutive serious tariff
debate ought to make the remainder
of the house bald-headed
A Lapse of Humor the Cause?
On the other hand, the lapse of
relax the skin and scalp sustGns
the Hobson theory. All this badness
has come to congress since Joan
Allen took his droll humor back to
Mississippi, Adam Bede has ben
the only humorist since John Aliens
day, and now Adam Bede is gone.
The house is famished for a laugh.
Statesmen, however, are beginning
to be afraid of humor, and the out
look is therefore gloomy, under the
HobsOn theory, for the hairdressers
in the house. Why are more republi-
cans bald than democrat? II is y
fact. Because, say the democrats,
badness is a first cousin to gout,
and gout is the legitimate child of
luxury and monopoly and the spoils
system, which are synonyms of re-
publicanism.
Why are so many democrats bald?
Because, say the republicans, bald
ness. And because" Martin Little
ton said, the republicans have
snatChed us 5ald-headed so often
that the habit has got into our hair. ''
The ba!d-headed members assert
that badness is an associate OF
brains and statesmanshiup, and point
proudly to Champ Clark and Henry
Clayton and Henry of Texas and
Hobson and James. But they forget
the full raven locks of Oscar Under.
wood, the curly pate of Rainey OF
Illinois and the hirsute glory Of Mar.
tin Littleton.
Ink for Badness.
\ gIance through the capitol gal
lelieS reveals the fact that few il
any of the elder statesmen were bald
Jeffersons flowing curls were fam
Gus. Webster"s massive brow shone
out of abundant hair; Henry Clay S
locks came nearly to his shoulders
and John c. Calhoun, that vast, deep
thinking logician, had the full, shaggy
name OF a lion. Ben Franklin wore
the only Dald-headed presidents the
country ever knew until the thinning
crown of Cleveland in his second
term, brought him into line. And Nc.
Kinley, the apostle of protection
was rapidly fulfilling the Hobscn
theory when ne died at Buffalo. Pres
ident Taft is a progressive" in the
bald-headed ranks.
John d. Rockefeller is, perhaps,
the baldest man in all the world.
There is not hair on him from his
neck to the top of his shining dome
He has spent thousands of dol
lars in an effort to grow a suit OF
| hair. He has long since given M