The Washington bee., 1911-10-14
Public Men And ThinDs
(By the Sage of the Potomac

! iS'Si SOulu see anything IN his writ
lngs, 1t all sounds like Junk to me
even more musty than Bacon's stuff.
and more Junkety than Louis Greg
orys oriental dope. If old Henrik
were living today and should write
the chollcky stuff he palmed off ON
/ the literary InebriateS 4 few wears
| back the authorities wouldn't lose any,
time sending him up to keen Harrv
IThaw's company in that brain-storr,
coop up at White Plains Rut ever,
fellow who tries TO write sometimes
now and then, gets off something to
make other people exercise their tb;nI-
tanks. Now in the dialogue of Isben's
Thought Child he makes Tatgeir
say Il overheard some townsfoIk ar
my lodging talking darkIy." Recallino
this, It has made me wonder If they
were talking about Arthur Newman
You observe he says talking darkiv"
Now there amt one chance in seven
or eleven of Arthur getting a box at
the New National under the impres-
sion that he's DR.. Bruce Evans com
pleXiOn. But color don't make the
man. If it did Rev. Waldron would
be chairman of the Monetary Com
mission, and lii Artha would be hop
ping bells down at the Arlington, in
stead of being a rip-snOrting some
body with a penChant to keep quiet
and Just get there. There was a time
when DIR. Bruce Evans use to blow
Arthurs s horn for him, cause Arthur
was so very, very modest and reserv-
ed, but when Arthur accidentally
picked up that vocational school from
bone and commenced to toot come
on, come on, to the vocational school
idea, and really got so he liked to
blow the instrument. DR.. Willis Bruce
Evans, who wears his hair a Ia Mark
vain, deceast, put his lead cornet
he had been footing for Arthur
away up on the top shelf and began
hummlng few desultOry strains from
the anvil chorus of I'll Trovatore. At
least that's what an Armstrong pedi-
gogic deciple done told me in secret
silence
Well, Arthur worked on that voca-
t1onal school libretto the best part of
a whole year, got Roscoe Conklinq
Bruce, L. B. T. Fl. H., 0ambasted bV
Tunnel, Harris and Hornerl to col
labOrate with him, and then when he
got the music all complete, and his
caste of characters made up, the
Comptroller OF the Treasury came
along with a decision which said If
Ill Artha hooked up with that head
job 1t would cost him $500 simoleoDs
a year. Now ill Artha will either
have to sacrifice $500 plunkets or stav
with Doc. Evans, and if he STAYS with
Doc. he needn't expect Doc. to Dlav
any more FL Captain marches for him.
cause Doc. don't believe in writing
music for a revival band. And who
does? Arthur Newman is a quiet.
taclturn sort of a fellow who affects a
military campaign hat, gold eyeglasses
and horse and surrey But outside
OF these IdyOcincracies he's a regular
touring circus; that is, he's got all
anybody needs to make them eligible
tor the orchestra circle. When our
early fOrefathers who put this republic
on the map figured on the financial
department of the government, Alex
ander Hamilton said leave it to me"
They did, and the result was great. If
you want anything done down at
Armstrong in his line, and Arthur
says leave it to me" you can Just go
away back and sit down, feeling that
1t will be done just proper The fact
rs Arthur Newman's cocoanut has too
many bright ideas in it for him to be
cooped up IN one side of another fell
lows school building Like an ivy
vine, he ought to have room to run
up. If they can fix up some scheme
to give him that vocational school lob.
take my word for the Hope diamond
he'll make idealists and practicals,
savants and perpendicular knockers
sit up and take more notice than So
iicitOr MCCabe took of Doc. WILEY.
because that little pug-nose walnut
stain has certainly got the goods. In
the language of Jack Bunsby, IF any
body kin, he kin" He's what the Feii
Islanders call "chambrodie," which
means bell COW, and you know the
bell cow is always leader of the bo-
vine corps.
You know these slight-of-hand per-
formers, every time they prepare to do
a trick, always say to the moOn-eyed
spectators, observe me closely" Now
a few weeks ago-abOut three, accord
ing to the late Henry Bannaker's al
manaC-our three board members
who perform the laborious task Of
representing we epileptics, made the
solemn avowal that if the SIX white
players on the team, with Dr. David
son dumped in as umpire, didn't
come across with the proper dope
they, the august three, would stand IN
full view of the community, take their
conscience and draw their hands over
1t, and while enjOining we dear old
epileptiCs to observe closely" take
from their inside pocket a parchment
upon which would be engraved sign
ed and sealed their designations, and
pass 'em up. Now if ever set of
molly-coddles did Observe closely"
we have, and yet the three cOlored
sleight-if-hand imitators of McAllis-
ter, Keilar and Herman haven't been
observed to come across with any
thing that remotely resembles a resig-
nation. Now this just reminds me
that if people would only lubricate
their matter semi-OCCasiOnally there
would be no need Of saying rummy
things. Mr. Homer wouldn't resign
for a farm down in Warrenton; DR..
Tunnel could only be induced to re-
sign by an election to President Thir-
IIield's $1,000 job. and Mrs. Harris,