davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
GOOD Jokes
A GOOD PROviDER.

Clement J. Driscoll. New York's stir
ring commissioner Of weights and
measures. advocates the sale Of bread
by weight, and discussing a bakers
objection to this idea. he said with a
smile:
In Europe the government regulates
the weight Of bread. and IN some cases
even the price. This baker, pretending
that 1t Is better for the people not to
have such regulations. reminds me Wv
Idly Of the poor provider.
"A washerwoman-so the provider
story goes-got married. and one OF
her clients said TO her a month or SO
after the ceremony:
DO you get on well with your huS
band, Mary
-'Ch, yes. ma'am.' was the reply.
Is he a good providerr
Indeed he Is good provider
ma'am- He got me four new places tc
wash last week New York Tribune
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
OPINION NOT ALWAYS FINAL
Pretty Safe to Say That Doctors
Diagnosis Was "Away OFF"
in This Case.

The pretty daughter OF a physician
is engaged to a college student OF
whom her father does not altogether
approve. His daughter is too young
to think of marriage, the doctor as
serts; the college student is too
young to think of it, likewise. 1t is
out of the question.
She explained all this to her lover
the other night.
Father says" she summed it up;
father says, dear. that l will have to
give you up"
The young man sighed Then it's
all over?" he murmured, with gloomy
Interrogation And the girl laughed
and blushed-
Well" she said, well, you-you-
know that when the doctor gives you
up that's just the time for you to take
more hope Isn't it sometimes that
way?"-Reboboth Sunday Herald.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
Apprehension.

-Oh, doctor. something terrible has
happened, Ny little Ffdo has just bit
ten that pie-faced. razor-tempered Miss
Iaggs, Do you think any harm will re-
suit"
Not at all Calm yourself. my dear
madam Miss Jaggs is not likely to
suffer serious consequences"
y wasn't thinking of Mss Jaggs,
doctor. | want to know If it could
poison poor. dear little Fido?"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
RESULTS OF FOOD.
Health and Natural Conditions Come
From Right Feeding.

Man. physically, should be like .
oerfectly regulated machine, each
mart working easily in its appropri-
ate place A slight arrangement
causes undue friction and wear. and
frequently ruins the entire system
A wellknown educator Of Boston
found a way to keep the brain and
the body in that harmonious co-opera-
ton which makes JOY of living.
1.-Two years ago." she writes, "oeing
IN a condition Of nervous exhaustion,
resigned my position as teacher,
which l had held for over 40 years
Since then the entire rest has, OF
course, been benefit, but the use OF
Crape-Nuts has removed one great
cause of illness in the past namely
constipation, and its attendant evils
81 generally make my entire break
fast on a raw egg beaten into four
epoonfuls OF Grape-Nuts, with little
hot milk or hot water added l Ike
Il extremely, my food assimilates, and
nv bowels take care of themselves.
find my brain power and physical
endurance much greater and l know
that the use of the Grape-Nuts has
contributed largely to this result
at is with feelings of gratitude that
7 write this testimonial. and trust II
may be the means OF aiding others in
their search for health" Name given
by Postum Co. Battle Greek. Mich.
Read the little book. The Road te
WellviIle,' in pkgs. There's a Rea
SON"
rx.r read the nbove letter. A new
-. spnears from time to time. The,
.rc genuine, true, and fall of human
interest.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

or marks from pure bred Swiss ami
mails. The grades are sure TO gain in
dairy qualities over their dams. and
to have in addition. size. constitu-
ton and hardness.
In Brown Swiss COWS we have a
constitution 10 which a fair amount
Of flesh is normal. a contented but
hearty disposition. an absence Of wor-
ry. but great capacity for making
milk and butterfat All We have to do
is to work in accord with nature. and
without sacrificing anything Of profit
ableness for the dairy. We have a
strong and sturdy type of beauty. and
especially that kind Of beauty that
shines from the reflection of coin and
which exemplifes the proverb Hand
some is that handsome does"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
Grain for Rance Cattle.

Steers that have been accustomed
to grain will come up to the heavy ra-
ton quicker than range cattle. for
instance, that have never been used
to anything but dry grass and water.
This class Of cattle must be dealt
with carefully. An excess OF grain
will cause them to scour. and the feed
CT knows that one day of scours will
knock OF the gains Of a week OF feed
ing
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

The Cannibal King-See here, what
was that dish you served up at lunch?
The Cook-Stewed cyclist, your ma
exjty-
The Cannibal King-It tasted very
burnt
The Cook-Well, he was scorching
when we caught him, your majesty
Sketch
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
Trouble With Sheep.

Sheep. properly fenced. are no trou-
BILE eight months Of the year. and but
little care during the four winter
months except at lambing time; then
they must be carefully watched and
tended. as the very young lamb is
easily chilled. and unless it suckles at
once il will soon die.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

Fidgety man, getting up and giving
I'D his car seat to the stout woman
who had been swaying from a strap
for four miles: Take this seat
ma'am."
Stout lady. in suspicious tones and
with q strong favor OF sarcasm:
What's wrong with 4!
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

A Food Combine.
-Oh, John" exclaimed Mrs Bayside.
laying down the paper. isn't it just
lovely. You remember that young
couple who were upset OF here last
summer in their sailboat? Well they
fell in love and got married And
they're SO we'll 10 do DO, too Her
fathe. is a rich packer and his father
is a prosperous farmer"
oh" shifted the summer hotelkeep-
er. "a sort of corned beef and cabbage
combination chr"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

GUe81e1 "
Eloise IS the particular ray OF sun
shine In happy South end home.
and OF late she has been much inter
ested IN conundrum.. Recently Eloiss
was permitted by her mamma to take
trip all by herself to her papa's Of
fee. and she stepped through the door
With eyes shining In anticipation OF
the surprise she was about to give her
daddy.
Well. weil,- exclaimed her dad
dy's business partner
Hole in the ground with water In
It." replied EIoise promptly.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
EeasonahiN So.

is he what you would call steady
mani
-To,erably steady. for q person In
his line of work
What does he do"
He walks s wire in vaudeville
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
Idle Curiosity.

There is a man at one of the local
hotels from Oshkosh"
Lets SO down and take look al
him"
What for,"
Il merely want to. see II he looks
anything like his prototype in musical
comedy"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
His Opinion.

Eephew-What do you think Of the
opera?
Uncle Josh-Them women In tn
boxes ought to be able to raise enough
money on their diamonds to buy some
clothes with, by jinks!
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
Costly KNOWLEDGE.

Yesterday my husband threw into
the furnace a fine new pocketoooS
he'd had only a week
What did he do that for?
He lad just learned that there
were more than a billion microbes on
an old two-dollar bill he had been
carrying in it"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

V ege t Bile Com
pound and Sanative
Wash have done me.
/ live On a farm and
have worked very
hard. l am forty
five years old, and
am the mother Of
thirteen children.
Many people think
it strange that l am
not broken dow
with hard work and
fhQ coro cf NM fovo
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

II told Tupperson he WAS a model
young man and he hung his head"
Tell him he is devil of fellow
and watch him straighten up"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
SUGGESTING a Lcn9 Wait

Mr.. Torkins has insulted mel
What lid be do. Clara Belly
when he saw me standing under
the usstietoe he brought me chair.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
Afraid of Disbursement.

She-Aren't you going to ask papa
tonight, George?
He-No, dear think ID better
not want to have my picture taken
tomorrow Statesman
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
MARY.

Mary had = cud Of gum.
A massive. generous COB
She chaved II at the office.
And Mary lost her job.
But Mary kept the cud OF gum
She loved the gum. you know.
She chawed It Sunday evening.
And Mary lost her beau
still. Mary kept on ctAw1ng
And didn't care q blink.
That's why It wasn't long before
She drove her dad to drink
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

Maud took the ring Charley gave
me for Christmas TO the jewelers. TO
price it.
Namie-What did the ieweler say.
Maud-He asked me If | wanted to
know the cash price.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
The Details

The Details
DO you recoIlec' old xotsts-name!
I'm with the collar?"
-Ay,"
~Wot abaht 1mr
-'E 'ad to go down Clerk OF the
head). you know-they Civ I'm wot
you call it-didn't art git it, don't
think"
Rely"
-'Adn't you card, them
Il did ear somefnk. but no details.
not afcre nox-Punch-
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
Not So Sad.
Family Rocues' Gallery

Family Rocues' Gallery.
-You know Mrs. Van elders family
portrait gallery that she started last
year,
Yes"
We'll. that great criminal detective
oficer who guarded the wedding pres
ents when Frostie Van Glider married
the oldest De Graft boy told me that
he recognized seven Of the portraits
and they had all done sime-whateve
that means"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
virdicat

Virdicated.
Barnuns intimate friends were
chiding him for having incautiousiy
given utterance TO the opinion that
the people like to be hunbuggec.
"Shucks," he exclaimed. 1t won't
make any difference in the success OF
my show"
II didn't.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

the above chart the shaded portions the protein
blank unshade portions nr
sarches etc. and oils which
t.ina combination OF
alta ia hayco to he n oursd
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

Mamma. hasn't papa made enough
money TO retire from business,
Yes. dear: that's why be doesn't
retire"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
VERY IMPURE.

The Advertising Manager-I suppose
you want this -ad-" to go in next TO
pure reading matter?
The Advertis er-No. put IT next to
some scandal or divorce story.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

Disappointed.
so your hair is coming out very
fast.~ asked the drug man
~Oh. yes. in handfuls.- replied the
neighbor-
Did you ever try my hair tonic
~Oh. yes. but I really don't think
that is entirely to blame.
Statesman
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
OWES
HER
HEALTH
To Lydia e. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound

Scottville, Mich" want to tell
you how much good Lydia Z. Pinkham's
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

is 4 man Who can straighten out her
expense account
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
A S d.
fora Dime

WHY spend . dolIae when loo bays . bon
Of CASCARETS = sny DRUG storeP Use
q directedNfet de natural. easy resak-
Saves many dollars $4,000 O medi -
dat d not cure. Milkons re1ulsrH -
CASCARBTS. Buy . box now-loe
weeks treatmeat-proof d H. Dern-
nj. -
cAScARKrs roc . hux for . Weeko
treasnent. all drugxisGa. H9gea RsSer
IN The world Ni16na boxes . - nkh
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
Practical Experience.

PFdCtICdt Experiences.
Its the little things that tell In this
life"
Yes: I've found that out I've .
smaN brother. tocs"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
oraw,no Distinctions.

Drawing Distinctions
is II hard to stem current!
THAT depends on whether yo1'rO
trying to check . torrent or dock .
small fruit
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
A Resemblance.

The new hats for the women
Are shown in every store.
We've seen them. and they look like he'll
Nets knights of old once wore
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

Some men borrow trouble and some
buy it by the bottle
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04
Hear Il.
Ball-What Is silence?
HallEThe college yell Of the school
Of e-Harper's Bazaar

Stiff neck, Doesn'. amount to much,
but mighty diagreeahle- You viii Be sur
prised TO see how quickly HsrlIns WARD
OIL will drive that stiffness CUT Ons
night, that's ALL
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

The life absolutely sincere to the
best 1t knows is the pest sermon any
CAS- preach
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

Her Only Fault
Her virtues made a lengthy list
l speak Of Mrs Tuggle-
But somehow she could not resist
A wild desire to smuggie-
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

Orville BoreVhen we were talking
Of actors and | said I'd like to be .
star, what did you mean when you said
you'd rather I'd be a comet.
Miss Weerigh-Comets only como
once in fifteen years
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

Dr. Pierre's Pleasant Pellets cure ecnsti-
patton. Constipation Is the cause Of many
diseases Cure the cause and yoa cure
tie disease- Easy to take
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-04-04

A pessimist is a man who can't en-
Joy the beauties of an apple blossom
because he only thinks of the possible
stomach ache it represents
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1911-07-20
A Conureuation of Ono.

In his younger days the Rev. Sir
Cameron Lees. D. d.. was highland
missioner in a scattered territory and
passing rich on f40 year. On one
occasion on the Sabbath day the win
dows of heaven opened and there was
q deluge on a small scale. The young
minister of course was at his post. but
only one member of the congregation
had the courage to turn up. an old
farmer. Cameron Lees suggested that
in view Of the terrible weather they
should adjourn to his study and hold
their devotions there.
mo. no." said the old highlander.
ut Is written. Where two or three are
gathered together in my name there
am | Also You are one and I'm one.
30 there's the two. and We'll have the
service as usual" And there was q
service for a congregation OF one
London Globe.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1911-07-20
FOES TO SUCCESS.
Don't bs q Victim Of Timidity. Shynsss
or Self Consciousness.

Den't Bs . Victim Of Timidity. shynsss
Or Self Consciousness.
Timidity. shyness and self conscious
ness belong to the same family. We
usually find all where we find any one.
and they are all enemies Of peace OF
mind. happiness and achievement. No
one has ever done great thing while
his mind was centered upon himself.
We must lose ourselves before we can
find ourselves. Self analysis Is valu-
able only to learn our strength: 1t Is
fatal II II makes us dwell upon our
weaknesses.
Timid. shy people are morbidly self
conscious. They think too much about
themselves. Their thoughts are turn
ed inward, they are always analyzing.
dissecting themselves. wondering how
they appear and what people think "f
them. II these people could only FOR.
get themselves and think of others
they would be surprised to see what
freedom, ease and grace they would
gain, what success in life they would
achieve.
Thousands Of young people are held
back from undertaking what they long
to do and are kept from trying to make
real their great life dreams because
they are afraid to jostle with the
world. They shrink from exposing
their sore spots and sensitive points
which smart from the iightest touch.
Their supersensitiveness makes cow
ards of them.-O. 8. Marden In Success
Magazine
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1911-07-20
Learn to Think on Your Fact.

It does not matter whether one
wants to be public speaker or not,
person should have such complete con-
troll of himself. should be so self re-
liant and self poised. that he can get
up In any audience. no matter how
large or formidable. and express bis
thoughts clearly aud distinctly. In
all ages oratory has been regarded 40
the highest expression of human
achievement. Young people. no mat
ter what they intend to be. whether
blacksmith or farmer. merchant or
physician. should make 1t a study.
Nothing else will call out what Ia In
a man more quickly and more ehec-
lively than the constant effort to do
his best in speaking before an audi
ence. When one undertakes to think
on ones feet and speak extempora-
neously before the public the power
and the skill of the entire man are
put to the severest test-Success Mag
aZino.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1911-07-20
FOLLIES OF SCIENCE.
Seven Problems That Have So Far
eafflsd Mans Mighty Brain.

Seven Problems That Have So Far
eaffled Mans Mighty Brain.
The history of science h's seven
problems that men In all ages more Or
less have tried to solve. but which
have finally been given up by all. To
day they are called follies.
The usual list comprises the follow
ing: First, squaring the circle: second.
duplication of the cube: third. trisec-
ton of an angle: fourth. perpetual mo-
ton: tifth. iransmntation Of metals:
sixth. 6xation of mercury; seventh.
elixir of life. Some lists put the phi.
losophers stone for the last three and
then add astrology and magic to make
the seven.
To the unlearned 1t would seem pos
sible to draw a square which shall be
exactly equal In area to a given circle.
which is the first problem 10 the list.
but we are told by the highest author
tiles that 1t Is impossible.
Since the discovery Of radium 1t II
claimed that the change Of one metal
into another has been accomplished.
but 1t Is yet too early to dogmatizs
about the matter.-Chicago Journal
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1911-07-20
HEALTH AND FOOD.
A Doctors Idea Of a Perfectly Balanced
All Year Round Diet.

All Year Round Diet.
That every one ls more or less aus-
ceptible to tubercular trouble Is mat
ter. on which all old fashioned medical
authorities are agreed. They tell us
that we may pass through phase and
out again without knowing 1t. Accord
Ing to DR.. T. Y. Hull In the Dietetic
Gazette. there is only one thing very
certain and that Is that II we keep In
good health or adapt ourselves to a
perfectly balanced diet the danger is
slight.
He advocates a reduction Of vegeta-
Bile food, relying more upon butter.
meat and nuts. Here. Of course. one
has to face the increased danger Of
tubercular meat. itself probably a
large contributory cause Of consump-
tion.
This is DR.. Hull's Idea Of perfectly
balanced diet. calculated to keep the
average individual In perfect health all
the year round: The basis for the diet
is found In meat. eggs. milk. butter,
bread. potatoes and fruit. 1t consists
daily Of two quarts Of milk. Eve eggs,
four ounces Of beef. one and one-half
ounces Of butter. two ounces Of nuts
pecan). four ounces of bread. three
and one-half ounces Of rice. three
ounces each of potatoes. peas and oat-
meal. one ounce sugar. one ounce raj
sins, one apple and one orange.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1911-07-20
Al Sea on Land.

A clergyman who had neglected all
knowledge Of nautical affairs was ask
ed to deliver an address before an
audience of sailors. He was discours-
ing on the stormy passages Of life.
Thinking he could make his remarks
more pertinent to his hearers BY meta.
phorically using sea expressions. he
said:
Now. friends. you know that when
you are at sea in storm the thing
you do Is anchor"
A half concealed smoker spread oves
the room. and the clergyman knew
that he had made a mistake.
After the services one Of his listen
ers came to him and said, "Mr. -,
have you ever been at sear'
The minister replied:
mo. unless it was while I was d.
hvering that address,"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1911-07-20
THIRMONT FREDERICK COUNTY, MD THURSDAY, JULY TO- 10
. forlorn little figure weighted by 4

y lOtiOTu uItSc u6uiS "CA6hsSO ~
terrible secret.
The cottages were empty. for It was
the month Of May and the season had
been backward, but the last cottage In
the row bore unmistakable signs Of
occupancy.
1t was the sweetest cottage-the very
cottage she and Henry had dreamed OF
building. She had seen the plan in
her favorite magazine and cut 1t out
and pasted 1t in little scrap book she
had compiled from various advertise
ments Of house furnishings and Illus
trated articles ON seaside homes.
Now 1t was before her. What malev-
olent dlstemper had prompted her hus-
band to select her house Of dreams
for this dreadful secret of his? She
crept around to the front door, which
faced the sea, and was relieved to see
that newspapers were pinned up at
the windows. She pulled out the brass
key and thrust 1t in the lock.
1t fitted perfectly, and the bolt shot
easily back. The door yielded to her
light pressure, and she entered small
living room.
She stepped softly across the floor
and paused. Within second room
was her husband, coatless. hatless.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1911-07-20
ROSES AND THoRNs.
An Old Eastern Legend and its Appii.
cation to Human Life.

cation TO human Lire.
This world we're living In
II mighty hard to beat.
You get a thorn with every rose.
But amt the roses sweet?
There Ia an eastern legend that when
the bene6cent Creator prepared the
earth for man. causing. II to bring
forth herbs and trees pleasant to the
eye and good for food. each bearing
its seed within itself for eating
its kind. the roses had no thorns and
the lilies, violets and other bossoming
plants were free from thistles, BRAN
bies and noxious weeds.
hit the sons and daughters Of men
In their greedy eagerness to gather the
flowers. each one selHshly striving to
secure larger share than his fellow.
seemed likely to despoil the earth OF
its beauty and leave not even enough
blossoms to perfect their seed and per
petuats their species. So the kindly
All Father provided the roses with
thorns for self protection and sent
host OF defenders Of the more tender
blossoms by causing thistles and briers
to spring up around them like wardens
Of castle or the bodyguard of II
queen. And this ia the reason for the
thorns and briers--nnture's protec elton
against human greed,
The legend has wider application.
The roses typify the pleasures Of life
and the thorns Its pains A HE Of
ease aud pleasure was not only use
less. but satiating. II would denloral.
ize him who INDUCED In 1t. Safety
despoils the rose of Its beauty and the
violet Of Its fragrance: hence kind na
tnre makes true pleasure the reward
of virtuous effort and Furnishes over
indulgence with penalizing suffering.
to the end that greed may be restrain.
ed and self control developed with Its
attendant virtues of temperance. kind.
liness, industry and thrift-John b.
Stoll In South Bend Times.