New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-10-29
Substitutes Former

clare that they have never been up early
enough 10 see the sunset myself walking
on the street I'm broad bright daylight
with girls who frankly admit that they
couldn't tell "a dry Martini from wet
sponge, Girls who don't know how 10
plaster on the powder and paint until
their discouraged compleXi0ns take on the
desirable tint Of dead white marble and
color their lips with red that stains the
handkerchief I cannot get IL through my
head how any girl who can notice things
with her eyes can't take the cue and fol-
low suit All the drug stores have these
face landscape outfits. and they can be
bought for very reasonable OUTLAWS
These girls also speak "A language that
I know not OF. They discuss bridge par
/ ties and oalls and speak of a strange be-
! ing called a 'chaperon. II seems that the
| chaperon' is q sort n lady Waterman I'm
| plain clothes who hangs around when least
wanted 10 see that the conversation
doesn't wander into subjects more inter
esting than the latest novel II is a mys-
| terry TO me why the girls should want
J them around It seems that all things
away from the big glare are foreign 10 my
taste and understanding I even saw one
girl who was taking cooking lessons and
/ learning how 10 take care of a house. \
perfectly nice girl. too. who would never
have 10 hire ont as a cook or work as a
paror maid.
zone Of these queer girls led me over
10 the Metropolitan Museum one day ]
! didn't know Just what she was leading me-
into or + certainly would never have con-
sented 10 the trip. But she got me over
there. It's a place much larger than
/ Churchilrs or Maxlms and Is situated mp
on Fifth avenue well out Of the electric
belt They have a lot OF pictures. all hand
work and statues I'm II. Every now and
then you run on 90 the picture Of r woman
with little enough on to make u inter-
esting. but the mill run was aged coves IN
white whishers. COWS and water and land
scapes. When We left she asked me II
liked the pictures.
Yes. / said. wishing 10 be perfectly
honest about the matter, some OF them.
But I know fifty cafes that have as inter
esting a line-up as the ones I'm there
THAT must not have made any Baker
home run hit with her. because there was
frost in her voice when she said goodby.
And I haven't seen her since Mighty
pretty girl. too-would have made "A per-
feet pony ballet girl il she'd had a little
more lie and the dramatic instinct
When my exile first began ! used 20 be
afraid that / would run ON TO some OF the
old crowd when / was pulling of insane
stunts like this but 1 never did. II was
easy TO dope out the correct answer
there was no danger ~ the lobster drove
getting into any of the pale blue things =
was standing for as long as they kept their
health OF mind and money IN their pockets
Things got so desperate that 1 ever
tried reading books. or course. J have al
ways been something Of a reader-rarcly d
month passed that | didn blow myself e
q couple Of those magazines that hav,
pictures of actresses between page one anC
the cover. and / have always been a keer
admirer of the funny sheets. But The
magazine pictures only made my Danish
ment harder to bear and | took a small
hyer In books / got one by a literary gInl
named Charley Dickens and did my leve
= best TO put its shoulders TO the mat Blu