Bridgeton pioneer., 1911-06-22
JONAH AND
DANIEL
By M. QUAD
Copyright, 1911. by Associated Lit
erary Press.


that he did believe that the whale
swallowed Jonah. but did not believe
that Daniel was cast to the lions. He
had repeatedly said so. This differ
ence seemed a trifiing thing, and they
went ahead and were married. 1t
wasn't month before they had
clash. 1t wasn't two before the whole
village of Carol knew that the couple
were living unhappily.
ALBERT" the wife would say, you
must have thought you were marry
ing fool. Can a COW swallow
milk PAM
"Of course not.
"Then how could a whale have swal-
lowed a man? l tell you Jonah would
have stuck in his throat and choked
him to death in no time
"Well. what are lions made for!"
the husband would query in reply.
MADE to eat folks up? Always hun
cry? Always after a good thing? If
Daniel had been cast among them he
would have been dogs meat in ten
seconds. How you can believe such
nonsense is beyond me-"
Morning. noon and night it was Jo-
nah and Daniel.
Living with her son FIVE miles away
was an old woman named Aunt Ju-
dith Benson. She was frequently in
the village and heard all the gossip.
She was being we'll treated at her
sons, but after hearing so much about
Jonah and Daniel a bright idea came
to her. She went to town and called
on Mrs. Cliff. 1t was an hour after
dinner, and Mrs. Cliff was still furious
over what had been said at the noon
day meal.
"Look here, now" began the old
woman after bit, you are right and
living world did the whale swallow
Jonah
That's what I've told Albert a
thousand times over replied the
wife. But he's a regular mule about
it. He wouldn't give in if he was to
die for it,
But you can't keep ON this wa.
you know"
"Of course not I shall have to
leave him" '
"Well. l dunno about that. I've call
ed to tell you Of case l knew about.
A husband and wife used to dispute
about the Bible just as you do. Nei-
ther would give in. Just as they were
going to separate the wife's aunt
came and posted her what to do. She
was not to speak to her husband for
three months"
But how could they get along that
way?"
why. through the aunt. Each
spoke through her. She acted as the
medium"
But / have no aunt to come here"
mo, you poor child, and that's my
errand. | have come to say that
will take an aunt's place. You can
stand it, but in month he'll get
down on his knees to you and give up
JONAH"
Yes, think so" replied the wife,
Eyes, he's got to give up me or Jo-
nah. When can you Gomez"
why. right now. can send for
my clothes, you know"
"And who's to explain to Alberto"
II am. You are not to speak to him
at all. Mebbe he'll cave in at once.
If he don't then we must make him
tired
1t was settled that way. When the
husband came home to supper that
night he found strange woman in
the house and his wife not present.
AS he looked for an explanation Mrs.
Benson gave her name and added:
MIR. Cliff, you believe in Jonah and
the whale, l understand?"
you bet do
'And you don't believe in Daniel and
the lions den?"
You bet l don't"'
"Well. your wife has decided not to
speak to you again until you do"
Then l won't speak to her."
That's what am here for. All talk
ing will be done through me. | shall
not favor either you or your wife, but
stand neutral"
So the silly. foolish project started
out, and of course things were made
worse than before.
How that old woman did stuff her.
self at table. How she did get up little
lunches! She ordered whatever she
chose from the grocery. and while hus-
band and wife ragged about it they
couldn't say anything. She was there
as the dove of peace. and the dove
never had such good time in her life.
She even wore Mrs. Cliffs clothes and
told Mr. Cliff to his face that he ought
to buy lump sugar &c: tea instead of
granulated: also that she was used
to fresh meat three times a day.
The end came at last. and fully two
months before Mrs. Benson had calcu-
lated on it. She was at neighbor's
gossiping one afternoon when the car
penter came home for tool and found
his wife alone and weeping. He stood
and looked at her for a minute, and
then his heart smote him, and he ex-
claimed:
"Anna, durn Jonah"'
ga lhnrt durn Danialp, cIo ron1;od