davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1911-01-01

portico Of the Moon Palace and looked
down at the earth. saw a great
mountain. On one side thereof stood
the cradle Of the human race. / saw
great army Of people vending their
way-from the cradle toward the
mountain top. + heard the squat of
babyhood, the#shouto of childhood, and
the settled voice of manhood, ming
Cling eaehrwith the other as onward
they rushed, every one trying to out
strip every one else In the mad race
of life.
I looked on the other side of the
mountain, and behold a graveyard
was there. For miles and miles ex-
tending were graves both great and
small. Some marked by shafts of
marble, and some not marked at all.
Undertakes Were atWork on double
time. Millions of neW-made graves
opened their red Jaws, hungry for
victims.
Far up the mountain / heard a
strange sound. And, behold. another
army, marching to the cease1ess tap,
tap, of a million canes and crutches.
Down the PERCEPTIONS slope they tum-
bled, one over another. The dry bones
ratified. Andsthe hungry graves de-
voured them. Grass grew over the
graves, and the dead leaves fell. And
the place that knew them will know
them no more forever.
I saw the world brush away the
formal tear and return to the feast
and the dance. Other armies marched
up And then marched down. But
the world rocked on at the same old
gait. And the wine flowed, and the
music echoed down the corridors of
time. It raj a stage that I saw, and
the play was called, Life and Death"
/ heard the phone bell ring furious
ly. Then / aWoke and smelled the
eggs frying for breakfast.
The fool-killer., 1911-01-01
A Y~OCABULARIC DUEL.


one OF our local smart EleeK was
standing on the steps OF the postonlce
here at Falls the other day.
when an Old colored man came up
ana, oucnl MS nat, asked;
You tell mezls dis de place
Wnere oey sens postage stamps
slr,stnls u the place,s replleo
the Smart Eieck, thinking he saw a
nan Z lave some fun, but what
do you want. with a postage stamp
uncle
&c mall q letter, san, OF co,se.
well, then, you needn't bother a
bout stamps; you don't have to put on
any this Week
Don't
The fool-killer., 1911-01-01
MISTER DISEASE GERM TALKS A
LITTLE.

1 am a poor unfortunate disease
germ. / think / have the hardest
time Of anybody in the world. I amt
got no friends nor home, and amt
welcome nowhere. The place I like
to live at is inside of folks, but folks
don't want me to live there.
Folks are the things that inhabit
the earth. They are terrible big
things. They walk about on one end
and build cities. They also say
prayers and cuss.
Folks are sometimes called people.
They are divided at n end, and the
divided end has shoes or it.
There are two classes of people
sick folks and doctors. The doctors
are awful mean to me, and yet I'm
the best friend they've got in the
world. If it wasn't for me the doc
tors couldn't make a living. They
ought to be good to me, but instead OF
that they just keep tagging around
after me trying to kill me.
The doctors have got people SO
scared of me that every time I walk
into a persons anatomy, hang up my
loyercoat and take a seat in the front
spare room of their system, they give
forth a great yell and send for the
doctor. The doctor comes and peeps
at me through q microscope and says
yes, / see the little devil"
And then he goes to pouring in old
nasty drugs and things, trying to xii
me. What for does the old mean doc.
tor want to kill me, / wonder? Dom
he know that a germs life is just al
sweet and precious to a germ as {
mans life is to him? When a germ
happens to some fatal accident ant
gets killed, it's family and friends
gather around it and mourn just likt
folks. But them old doctors don,
seem to realize that fact, and the,
just keep on trying to kill their hes
friends.
I haven't got anything against man
I like him as a friend and neighbor
and would like to be sociable Will
him, but man seemsto have differen
ideas about it. He seems to thinl
himself too good for us germs II
associate with. I don't know wha
We were eve made for if we are q
no $ in the world. 1t seems to N,
that we don't get a fair show, nohoW
But I'm just apoor little diseasl
germ, and maybe I don't know.
Good-by. I see that old docto
coming, and I've got to run.
The fool-killer., 1911-01-01

THE FooL1KILLER-AN AcRosTIc.

=
Fools of all kinds brought to light,
Old fools shown up in STYLE
Oh, but its satire is worth while.
Long may it live, its purpose to serve.
killing to foolishness, its nerve
In pungent paragraph you'll relish,
Longing it's truths to embellish;
Loving to state the truth in fact,
Energetic in it's every act,
Rounding 'em all up with rare tact.
GEO. w. WHEELER,
Hattiesburg, Miss.
-
LEVIN COBB, Culberson, N. c.
Editor Fool-Killer, Dear Sir:-En-
closed find twenty-five cents in silver
for which please send me The Fool
Killer for n year. I have just read
one copy of it, and it's a honey. I
don't want to miss another copy. Be
gin sending it to me with the Janu-
airy issue. I wish you great success
with your paper.
-
MARY SMITH, Lowenthal, Tenn
Editor Fool-Killer, Dear Sir:I am
a subscriber to your paper and just
think it fine. I don't find but two
objections tx tit don't come often
enough and is not big enough. When
it does come / wish you would make
it ais big as the side Of cur barn,
which is about so feet long, and send
It twice a week. Please send me
some sample copies and / will get
You some subscribers.
r.
r. CAMPBELL, Georgetown HA.-
My dear Pearson:-I want to eongrat-
u1ate you ON The Fool-Killer. You
are doing good work in much neg
Iected field. The harvest is ripe and
the crop is plentiful. The iaw-bone
has not had a more valiant champion
since Sampson, of old. So lay about
you and smite the Philistines with
great slaughter, and may all the joys
of the conflict be yours. Enclosed
find money order for Is cents to pay
for q club Of five.
r
JOHN H. BOWERS, Watauga Val.
ley, Tenn Editor Fool-Killer, Deal
Sir:-You will find enclosed money
order for ninety cents for which senl
your paper one year to the enclosed
names. am well pleased with thu
paper. I think it is the best / hav.
over read. I will try to get som,
more subscribers for it. I would lik'
to see printed in your paper some
thing about snuff-dippers,, who pull
their lip down and pour in a half DO,
of snuff, and the lip hangs down lik'
an old horses lip when he is abou
half asleep. I have seer this done
and think it is the nastiest thing
ever saw. I think you are right il
what you have said in your Decembe
paper. It is no trouble to get sub
scribers for it.
MI ROBERTS. Wausau, Wis
Editor Fool-Killer, Dear Sir:-A sam
pie copy of The Fool-Killer, the De
cember issue, reached me "a few day
ago. and I hasten to forward my sub
scription. T think there is a goo
field for such a paper as The Fool
Killer. There is nothing that come
closer to being good than somethin
that is very bad; and to be bad,
The fool-killer., 1911-01-01
4 TRIP TO 3 NOON.

took unto myself the Wings3ofan
eagle and went into afar country to-
look about. All the principal worlds
OF the universe were connected by
wireless telephone, Withsthe earth for
Central The force of gravitation had
suecumbed to the wisdom Of the
wise, and men were able to fy.
so I took unto myself wings as
aforesaid and departed into the re-
-gions of the moon. / arrived Just af-
ter the ma III the moo had finished
his evening meal. IssaW him throw
his. little dog a handful OF bones BY
which the reader will know he has
better fare than Mother Hubbard's
dog. Then the MANN the moon sat
down and picked his teeth with
moonbeam and made goo-goo eyes at
the mermaids of the upper deep.
My first impression on looking at
things from a lunar standpoint was
this: The universe is a great croque1
ground; the planets are its balls; thu
rainbows are its Wickets; its ma1lets
are the long-tailed shooting stars
and its players are the fingers Of God.
1Howdy do, stranger said the man
in the moon. how is the general
health of the earth"
81 think the earth is enjoying fairly
good health. I replied. tat least It's
appetite is good. 1t consumed about
d million tons. of biscuits for break
fast this morning, and other things in
proportion. In the face of this fact,
I don't think the earth ought to COM
plain Of being sick.
And the neon folks said they agreed
with me.
When I had rested a few minutes
went around the corner and called on
the Postmaster General of the Trans
Universal Postal System to inquire
how his work was progressing-He
shook his head.
Not very satisfactory, he began
there's a rev loose somewhere,
Every few seconds I receive com
plaints that the semi-hourly papers
published On Uranus and other neigh
boring worlds r not being delivered
promptly. One subscriber goes SO fan
as to say that his paper was two
hours old when he received it, and il
only had about fifty million miles te
come. Such slow business is unbear.
able. Idon't know what on the moor
to do. Let me see.. The Parliament o.
the Planets meets on the earth mex
week. I will introduce a bill asking
for ten thousand billions of money
and that will enable me to extend the
free delivery system alb over the uni
verse;"
then wandered into the office o
1.-The Moonbeam,'' where they get on
an issue every thirty minutes. It il
wonderful how they do things in tha
shop. The editor is a great man.. "a,
never writes anything. They simpl.
cram paper into one Of his ears ant
it comes out at the other printed ant
folded. He wears a Marconi wireless
telegraph receiver on his. cap, and S,
his head is always full of the 1ates
news. And the latest ideas.
] gave the phone crank twist
Hello, Central. T yelled.
1ETffr~
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-15

az In Guernsey ware with Polished German Silver
containers. Very neat and serviceable $3.50
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21
ROSWELL HORSE IN
THE GRAND CIRCUIT
Season Opens;
Thanksgiving Football
Games Scheduled

Roswell. n. NJ, Nov. 21.-Roswell
stands to get a bit of advertising in the
grand circuit races next spring. H. B.
Tullis, brakeman on the Santa Fe
through here will enter F. B. McGregOr,
his Z year old black race horse horse,
beginning the season at Kalamazoo.
Mich in a $4,000 stake race. From there
he viii go to Detroit, Mich, entering in
a $4,000 stake race. The horse is now
in training at Newton. Kans. His best
time so far is PIP IA
Basketball Season On.
ROswelps basketball season was Of
fieially opened this week, between the
team OF the Roswell High school girls
and the ROisterers, a local girls team.
The High school girls won in a walk-a-
way, the score being is 10 3. The lineup
was as follows:
High SCHOOLGIRLS Geyer guard;
Ava Chisum guard; Grace Miller, cen
ter; Lorraine Shrader, center; Louise
Holland, forward; Martha Henderson,
forward.
Roisterers-Sue Odem, guard; Cal
lie Hall, guard; Leila Mcconnell cen
ter; Lucy Jones. center; Evelyn Van
Horn, forward; Leila HOWatt, forward.
Football for Thanksgiving.
On Thanksgiving afternoon the New
Mexico Military institute cadet foot
ball team will play a championship
game with the Farmers from the
A Agricultural college at Mesilla Park, in
the Banner park in Roswell. Great in
terest will be centered in the game. as
It is to determine the heavyweight
championship of the southwest
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21
BOWLING MATCHES
START WEDNESDAY

The winter handicap bowling tourna-
ment viii open at the Cactus club We'd
nesday evening. There will be six teams
in the league. each composed of five
players. The schedule Of the league will
run well into the winter, as each of
the teams plays four games with its
opponents. The six teams in the league
are Weaber's. Tuttle's Walks Andreas's s.
WatsOn's and Globe Mills
A purse Of $50 will be given to the
team that wins the championship of the
league at the end of the season and for
second place SO Will be given and for
third Sc. Besides, a silver bowling pin
has been donated for. the winning team.
The handicaps and schedule for the
first round Of the tournament follow;
" edDei s----.--s.. SlU
1ulIe .-.--..--..-. Sl0
w az > .--..-.-'-s $1,000. 6tU
anu Ieds 8 $1,000. sou
Globe AIills's $50
W watson 800 SUI
Wednesday Night.
Weabers VS.. Tuttles
Thursday Night
WalZ VS.. Andreas
Friday Night.
Globe Mills vs. Watsons.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21
BASKETBALL TO START
AT Y NJ q TOVTCH

Three pre-schedule basketball games
will be played tonight in the Y N. c.
A. gym" by the members Of the com
merciaI league in competition for
places on the first team which will be
assigned to the players showing the
best form.
The competition is very keen among
the so men who have signed up in the
commercial league and the fans predict
that the games will be some class All
Of the men in last wears first team
have signed up and have been hard at
practice for several weeks.
A schedule Of five playing dates has
been arranged, for every Tuesday night
beginning November IS Three games
each night will be played
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21

~RINCETON's victory over Yale
- brands the Tigers as the indis-
\ putable champions Of eastern
football for this season. The team has
zone throughout the season without a
defeat. and the winning Of the cham
pfonship game from Yale was fitting
close to one of the most successful
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21

football years that Princeton has ever
had. The Navy was the only team of
the year that has held the Tigers down
and they did it in a tie game. The
Tigers, however. have defeated such
teams as Harvard, Yale Dartmouth,
Brown and nearly all Of the big teams
OF the year. In their three last games
they won on sOcalled ,flukes. but these
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21
RUNS CAR INTO DITCH
AND IS QUICKLY KILLED

Savannah, Ca, Nov. 21.-ChOosing a
ditch at the side of the course IN pref
erence to plunging into heavy wagon
that suddenly doomed up before him
on an IS" turn on the automobile
course here this morning, Jay D. Nc
Nay. the California automobile racing
driver, was killed when his Case car
ended its course against a tree. The
accident occurred on the first practice
day Of the automobile races in Thanks
giving week.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21

Don't waste your money By buying
strengthening plasters. Chamberlain's
Liniment is cheaper and better. Damp
en- a piece Of flannel with &c and bind
IL over the affected parts and II win
relieve the pain and soreness For sale
by all dealers
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21
KIRBY IS ELECTED TO
nwUE
Z. PRESIDENCY

New York, n. Y, Nov. 21-Gustavus
T. Kirby, Of New York, chairman of
the executive committee of the Inter
Collegiate A. A. o., has been elected
president of the Amateur Athletic un-
ion of the United States. He defeated
George IF. Paulding. of Philadelphia,
president Of the Middle Atlantic assO-
citation, by a vote of p to g.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21
MATT VIM Is COMING
WEDNESDAY TO ST

Matt VIM. general manager OF the
Juarez race track. viii arrive In FL Paso
Wednesday morning to assume active
charge OF the preparations for opening
the trick on ThanksEivlnE dav.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21
Tigers are Now the Undisputed
Champs of Eastern Football Teams

Interest Now C Saturdays Which VIII Decide College
and Army-Navy Championships.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21

Twenty-Five per cent off on Navajo
blankets at IZIlne's CuriO Store.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21

RACING ENDS IN MEXICO CITTs
HORSES COME TO JUAREZ
Mexico City, Nov. 21-The racing at
COndesa stopped Monday and today
most Of the horses viii be shipped to
Juarez.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21
GOLF GAMES ARRANGED.
WITH RLSREE AND nnI-GI-As |

The FL PesO Country club golf team
has arranged matches with the Country
club of Douglas, AriZ- and the Warren
Golf club of Bisbee, Ariz., and the
games viii be played in these cities
during the third week in January.
Both of these teams have played the
FL PasO Country club team this fall
and have both been defeated. the Doug
las team in the Southwestern handicap
championship and the Warren team in
a match game.
Full measure at Southwestern Fuel Co
Latest styles in silk and lace 'scarfs
-KIlne's CUriO Store.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21

The Army and Navy will also be in
for their annual game next Saturday
to decide the better of the service
teams. Both of. the schools have good
teams this year and a gOot hot con
test will take place. The Army has
beaten Yale and the Navy tied Prince
ton, so both seem to be in a champion
ship class.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21

flukes we've recognized by the officials
of the game and the points have count
ed in the championship. The only glory
which now remains for Princeton is to
have II of its players picked for the
All American teams.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21

Gents silk underwear, half price.
I1Iine's CuriO Store.
Full measure at Southwestern Fuel Co
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21

The Carlisle indians have been
stopped, and this time by the Syracuse
team. Carlisle had started through the
season with a string of victories which
made the whole football world envious.
and then in almost their final game
of the year they meet defeat by a small
college team. The indians defeated
Harvard and Pennsylvania both by
large scores.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-11-21

Walter Camp, jr., seems to be a chip
off the old block. He has been MAX
ing a great name for himself in this
seasons football. and in the Princeton
game Saturday again made good His
punting Of Saturday Outdid Dewitt, the
star Tiger boOter. and he proved to be a
consistent ground gamer.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29
THE MAN WHO ABOLISHED MUS.
TARD PLAsTERs.

The man who put mustard plasters
out OF business had to invent some
thing better, for mustard plasters
have been used for aches, pains and
other Affections for scores of years.
and have given relief to millions.
But when ]. A. Begy. the we'll
known chemist, of Rochester ". Y,
compounded, after years of expert
ment, a preparation which he named
Begy's Mustarine. he gave to the
world something so muca quicker in
action than mustard plasters, that
medical authorities recognized its SUI
premacy at once. Begy's Mustarine Is
now on sale by druggists everywhere.
lit gives instant relief In earache.
toothache, headache and painful rheu.
mafism.
Just rub IL on. II is always ready,
and nothing Is better for neuralgia,
cold IN chest. pleurisy. bronchitis
lnmhago. sore throat, stiffness and
lameness Is clean TO use, and will
NOT blister Is cents box teaual t
/ forty mustard plasters) and money
baex If not satisfied. Trade supplied
~ Meyer Drug Company and HessIs
Ellis. Mall order fled by J. A. Regs
Co, Rochester. N. \.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

The proposal OF new fair at Fort
Smith, to be known as the Arkansas
Oklahoma Fair. Is worthy one. and
not to be considered In any measure
competition OF the Arkansas State
Fair held annually in Hot Springs.
Recently Memphis put on a Tri-
state Fair. to he composed OF exhibits
from Tennessee. Arkansas and Mis-
sissippi That was coed movement,
and while It has not had time to be-
come established, yet should make Its
was to the front.
County Fairs are held In many OF
the counties OF this state new, and in
stead Of these being in competition
with our big State Fair they are feed
ers, the incidentals that make for the
success Of big statewide exposition.
The legislature should commend
this fair spirit which is gaining such
headway. Il IS an era when one man
likes TO raise a larger and better hog
than his neighbor. and better ear OF
corn than his neIghbor, and pick more
cotton per acre than his neighbor and
pick more cotton per acre than his
neighbor, and raise larger straw
berry and d larger and more tasteful
apple thar bis neighbor. No better
spirit of rivalry could be stirred, for
II means the development OF the soil
and the building Of wealth.
The Arkansas tsate Fair is estab-
nshed. Il has passed through that
stage Of doubtful incipiency. but it
needs help to make it larger and bet
ter every year. The people OF the
state are interested. and the people Of
the state appreciate that no better
point than Hot Springs could possibly
be- selected for displaying the oppor-
tunities Of the state to the people OF
the country
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

Benjamin n Greene. the one-time
government contractor. who recently
finished term In Atlanta prison,
having taken the pauper's oath. the
question why his partner in guilt did
not take that oath. too, becomes
rather searching one
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

There is man at Lincoln, Neb.,
whose proud beast is that he is a
Mason, Highlander, an Eagle, a
pythian and a Democrat. He could
fraternize even some more and have
time to get q few hours sleep.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

Norman e. Mack Is big man
among men in a big state, and In u
big nation, and that the Arkansas As
sembly has invited him to address
that body is step towards broaden
ing Influences.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

Herculean efforts are being made &c
get the Washington bali grounds IN
condition before the next session OF
Congress. There Is nothing like do
ing the right thing for the men who
make our laws.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

MIR Taft is likely to he sitting up
nights with the same yellow kid who
made Mr.. Roosevelt walk the floor
during the last days OF his admins
tration. The California Senate has
passed the bill fcrbidding aliens TO
hold lands.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29
The Home Hotel

~ CHAPEL 0T.
steam neat hot and cold water on beth
noers, al outside rooms, one block Of bath
mouse. two blocks OF depots. near banks,
nostonice and street car line phone 30.
!. ny 1pA9pEHz Aak nv pauM 4 kaa
Tome Cooking 0ood Service
Hztees Room and B6ard rs "a 81 per week
6eones 800 to t6o0 pet Weotk
MRS. MCCULLOUGH Prop.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

The senate isn't ready to turn over
the black belt to the blacks through
any election consolidation plan in
which the senate will find many en-
dorsers.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

Let's build that .'Fcrty Miles 3
Week road to Mt. Ida, and do it be-
fore the summer season.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

Every man owes responsibility To-
HE fellow man. and that doesn't mean
the responsibility of trying to choke
him into opinions or policies.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

How can President lose at COLL
or any other game when out OF eour-
tesy he is allowed to keep the score?
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

The difference In business in Hot
springs in one year will pay for that
Mi. Ida Hot Springs highway.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

Money doesn't make the mare go
any more now than in the days gone
BY only there seem to be more
mares
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

The penalty for the high cost Of
living for hold-up men comes high and
Outlines ends in a lonely life.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29

My policies" went out with one +.
II and no small Try can hope to put
such q thing over.
The Sentinel=record. (Hot Springs, Ark.) 1900-current, 1911-03-29
PER DAY AMERICAN PLAN

II IfFdPtI 1Sts-H NEW -GTTIK
One half Block from Business Center.
Two Blocks TO Bath Houses.
High Location, Quiet, Homelike.
Table as Good as the Best TRY US.
Take Bus to Hotel--Fare Refunded.
RATEs-~Room and Board $40 per week
and up.
Also Light Housekeeping Apartments.
Beware of Drummers at Depot.
r. A. WILLIAMS, Prop.
Better Known as Peg" formerly of At
lanta and Memphis. as Railway Agent