davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
uEFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press
 Love anticipates and its fulfllment retrospects
 wealth that brags is never so big as the brag says it is.
 The reason boy can go to college md not learn anything is his father learned less not going.
 man gets to know so much by keep ing his mouth shut that when he opens it he no longer knows it.
 Al lthe money spent raising children would help them much more if so much wasn't spent on them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
HEARTLEss CREATURE.

HEARTLESS CREATURE. A woman she who liked to strut Before the multitude, And such a dashing figure cut,
 Her rivals were subdued, But while she fed her vanity
 And wore a aueen1y air, The neighbors said, .Insanityt' And mocked her everywhere. Not just because she had good clothes And dressed in latest style, But since they knew her husbands woes He labored all the while To pay for what she lightly bought, With scant regard for him, Who toied, poor man, till quite distraught To keep her in the swim
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
PRACTICAL MANS SUGGESTION

From the Chicago Evening Post
 The question of a suitable wedding pres ent came up with the sequence of a To of foolish suggestions.
 The practical man stood forth:
 Let's take the $15 and buy him a. rol, plated safety razor set, was his contribu ton.
 Fine" said one, except for the fac that you are not taking any recognition of the bride.'
 "Yes am," said the contender. "sh, can shave his neck with it.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
This Years Cotton Crop

The correspondents of the New Or leans Times-Democrat present their final report on the cotton crop of 1911. The forecast relates to actual growth, exclusive of linters, repacks and similar additions. It is not a forecast of the commercial crop of 1911-12, but it is a forecast of the actual growth that the census bureau will later report. The Times-Demo- crat says the consensus of opinion roi,,tc +o tho followino result.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
wINTRY.

WINTRY. The leaves are withered on the tree; Chill breezes blow. Upon the blasted pine we see A lonely crow.
 Kansas City Journal. Though in the shorn and faded glen The blizzard huns, The gladstone time approaches when The turkey comes.
 Milwaukee Sentinel. Oh, yes, 'tis winterl There's a fact To give us pause. Soon that old role we'll re-enact Of Santa Clausi
 New York Telegram. And, gentle friend, when you essay The role you name, Be sure to keep your beard away From candle flame.
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
GREAT MAN RETuRNs.

An, what thrill runs through our frame, When once again we hear the name Of Sherlock Holmes, detective bold, Whose deep deductions can be told By Conan Doyle. and him alone, Who does it well, we're glad to own, And now returns-what joy tis true!- r. With "Sherloelx Holiness Adventures
 New"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
FOR THE GOOD OF THE SERVICE JCro,,, pr,pcb T,ondon

Cavalry, N. c. O.-Wots this I 'ear about you 'avin' been seen walkin' down Regent street with a hordinary hinfan- try foot slogger? Trooper-It was my brother. N. c. O.--Brother be blowed! Ain't there no back streets? Amt there no public 'ouses in London?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
A SOUTHERN CANDIDATE

If forced really to think of the matter, and to act on their conclusions. it would seem too absurd to act in the present on the issues long since settled, settled in their favor, and settled forever.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
PUZZLING.

"There is an important question before the city youngster."
 Twill you be so kind as to tell me what it is?' This: How can Santa Claus get into the house through a steam pipe?'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Instead of Underwood being unavail- able because he is southerner, the fact that he comes from the south is giving the north a pleasing opportunity of stressing again "the war-is-oeer'' senti- rnnnt
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Californias attorney general says the woman voters of that state cannot sit as jurors The common law, he says. forbids So it does, but it will not after the women have refashioned t.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

It is not too early to send your Christ mas gifts that are 10 go through the post office. The crush at the finish should be avoided.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Mayor Shank of Indianapolis. who sells turkeys to the ''peepul' at wholesale prices, may have his eyes glued on the White House.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

4Otdl atooNsNNS
 Three times only have the com mercial crops crossed the thirteen million bale line-in 1904, 1906 and 1908. If the Times-Democrat's fig ures are sustained by later reports and ascertained statistics, the com mercial crop of 1911-12 may go to 15, 100000 bales, and if it does it will probably stand five years as the record crop. In the course of 10 years a crop of 20,00O,O0O bales may be produced, but very large crops mean at present pretty low prices. A crop of 13,000,000 bales will not, how ever, be considered great crop here after.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
SEnAIS SO

Though rushed as. can be, We rise to remark That Uncle" John D. Is an easy mark.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Russia's ultimatum to Persia worked finely. An ultimatum aiways is effective when hurled by the mighty against the weak
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

The merry gentlemen who were engaged in massaging with tar in Kansas have a year in jail to think 1t over.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

The packers are trying to exhaust the laws delays and they already have win ming record of ten years.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
PRUDENT MAN.

You say he has money to burn?" ''Yes. but there is nothing else he dreads so much as fire.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Oyster Bay is mum when it comes to the tariff Oyster Bay has always been shaky and uncertain on that subject.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

The children are beginning to behave better. They know. that Christmas is rapidly approaching.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Andrew Carnegie's income now stands at $44,oOO day, but an income of that size cannot stand still.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

IIetty Green is so well at Y years that some think she must use tobacco and take a drink now and then.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Virginia has governor who indulges in no emotionalism in the cases of wife murderers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Andrew Carnegie has endowed nearly everything except the cotton crop.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

The New York World is looking for a man to beat Roosevelt in 1912 instead of the tactless Taft.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

WILLIE UP TO DATE Willie tied the baby's ear Firmly to the chandelier; Baby chuckled, full of glee- Twas his ear of corn, you see.
 Princeton Tiger. Willie pulled him by his tongue; Round and round the room they swung; Baby seemed to like it, though Twas his wagon tongue. you know.
 Chicago Tribune. Willie pounded baby's head, And the infant, smiling, said: "Oogie joogle, umpty tum'- Twas the head of baby's drum. Rochester Democrat and Chronicle.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Kansas tar parties do not promise to become popular in the other states.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Democratic Chairman Mack has good eyes. He looks forward to a democratic year in 1912.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

The national soap bill Is s1l0,o00,o0o, and yet cleanliness is by no means the rule in this country.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
EXpEpITING MATTERS.

You might as well accept this poem" said the poet to the editor. .I intend to keep on sending it to you until you send me check.''
 You are not a bad fellow at heart, l hope" unused the editor.
 "Why, er-no, stammered the poet, somewhat taken aback. 'I don't believe I have a mean disposition"
 "In that case,'' purred the editor sweet ly, would you mind putting some kind of mark on the envelope, so I will know that the contribution comes from you and I can throw it into the waste paper basket without further loss of timer?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

Willie. with his papa's hatehet, Gave the baby's face a knock; Baby crowed with joy, for it was the Face of baby's nursery clock.
 Boston Pos Willie's little appetite Longed for something nice and light; Ate his leg, the little glutton- Twas his little leg of mutton.
 Montreal Star Willie, then, for a surprise. Dug out both of baby's eves Baby laughed, gave Will a bug- Twas his 'tater's eyes he dug,
 Milwaukee Sentinel Little Willie took a drop While held by his loving pop; Did it hurt him? Not a bit, r Paregor1c makes pain git.
 -Yonkers Statesman. Willie hacked the babys thigh Bare of meat, without a sigh, Baby laughed and sucked the bone twas roosters. not his own.
 Kansas City Telegram Willie found a, fat cigar, IL Was strong and black as tar: Baby ate it, did not choke For 1t was candy smoke.
 -r- Cincinnati Enquirer Wines such an awful cuss, Always planning for a muss Guess by this time baby of'en Wishes he was in his coffin.
 Washington Post coughin' doesn't always kill Certainly not little Will: Here he's back, and baby, too, Every bit as good as new.
 Boston Transcript. though he's such naughty tyke. Willie's just the boy we like, For when we are cross and i'll, Thus he helps some space to fill
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Lincoln Center, Kas. will go down in history as the country's despised tar spot
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

China may become free, but liberty will not be secured at bargain rates.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

OH, ARCHIBALD! HOW COULD YOU7
 Here is Archie Blood of the Excelsior Springs Call. decent young fellow, too, somewhat blond and with a beautiful
 complexion. We always liked Archie But now-well what's the use of delaying
 things? With malice aforethought he has called himself a ''ye scribe" Archi- bald!-Kansas City Star.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Some, alas, are condemned to read the Christmas magazines.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

We must every one be q man of hi, own fancy.
 ATS We'll That Ends Well.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-11-29

Instead of Underwood being nnaNaH- able because he is a southerner, the fact that he comes from the south is giving the north a pleasing opportunity of stresslng again .,the war-is-oeern senti- ment
 California's attorney general says the woman voters of that state cannot sit as jurors. The common law, he says. forbids. So it does. but it will not after the women have refashioned it.
  It is not too early to send your Christ mas gifts that are 10 go through the post office The crush at the finish should be avoided.
 Russia's ultlmatum to Persia worked finely An ultimatum aiways is effective when hurled by the mighty against the weak.
 --.s.---------- Oyster Bay is mum when it comes to the tariff Oyster Bay has always been shaky and uncertain on that subject.
  The merry gentlemen who were engaged in massaging with tar in Kansas have a year in jail to think 1t over.
  The packers are trying to exhaust the laws delays and they already have win- ming record of ten years.
  IIetty Green is so well at Y years that some think she must use tobacco and take a drink now and then.
  Andrew Carnegie's income now stands at s44,oOO a day, but an income of that size cannot stand still
  The children are beginning to behave better. They know. that Christmas is rapidly approaching. The New York World is looking for man to beat Roosevelt in 1912 instead of the tactless Taft. The national soap bill is s1lO,o0o.ooo. and yet cleanliness is by no means the rule in this country.
 Democratic Chairman Mack has good eyes. He looks forward to democratic year in 1912.
 Lincoln Center, Kas.. will go down in history as the country's despised tar spot.
 -s-- fD,. s.tS l m iSa n become popular in the other states. Andrew Carnegie has endowed nearly everything except the cotton crop.
 -+s.- China may become free, but liberty will not be secured at bargain rates. Some, alas, are condemned to read the Christmas magazines
The new era., 1911-01-26

this part OF the program, 1t was final
ly concluded that priest should be
sent for and that he was to meet the
prisoner in room in the custom
house. There was number of large
wardrobes, or armoires as they were
called in New Orleans, in the room
These were used for storing books
Some of them were removed from
one, giving room for a man to enter
When the good father and O'Rafferty
came and took seat near this
armoire. they surely did not notice
that its door was just little ajar.
Father M soon came out OF the
room. There was an expression of
sadness upon his face. but he said
nothing that could throw any light
upon the robbery; yet it was quite ap-
parent that something unusual had
happened. Something had, and l now
possessed the clue l needed.
II was dark when | arrived at the
corner of White and Clio streets and
knocked at the front door of small
dwelling house, which was soon
opened by a middle-aged man in
formed him that l was government
officer and that l had come there to
arrest both him and his wife and
seize their house, which would be
forfeited to the government told
him that O'Rafferty had confessed
everything. He now turned to his
wife and exclaimed in an excited man
ner: What did tell you, Margaret?
You see the bad business your brother
has got us into?"
Where's the money!" l demanded.
ITS under the house, and I will
bring 1t to you"
BE lively about it," I said in a COM
manding tone. He now went into the
kitchen where he raised a small trap
in the floor. Reaching down, he pulled
out a corn sack. Hastily examining
Its contents found 1t contained about
$4,000 In paper money l demanded
the keys of his house and they were
handed to me. The bigger the bluff
the greater the scare, l thought.
took the man and his wife to the First
district police station where thev
were locked up together in a comfort
able room. A messenger was at once
dispatched to bring Father Nj.
When found he was at the house on
the corner Of White and Clio streets
endeavoring to arouse the occupants.
He came Immediately to the police
station. and acquainted him with the
fact that portion of the money had
been recovered. and the persons in
whose possession 1t had been found
were In custody. He was unquestion-
ably much surprised by this arrest. II
The new era., 1911-01-26

ond story. There was a woman lying
upon the bed. She appeared quite
feeble and had recently given birth to
q child.
who lives here?" inquired.
She answered. Patrick O'Rafferty."
What Is his business?"
"A cab driver"
did your husband como to his din
ner?"
mo. he has not been here since he
left this morning."
then said. my good woman. am
government officer. and am here to
search your house for concealed
arms"
You can search as much as you
please. but you will hnd nothing of the
kind in this house."
cast my eyes about and saw that
was in a home that seemed destitute
Of the common comforts of life.
stepped into an unfurnished adjoin-
ing room and swung open the door OF
small dark closet. There were only
q few articles of clothing hanging
upon the wall. Feeling about in the
hope of discovering something.
CHANGED to put my hand on a pair OF
Attukapas pants that were damp
about the waist.
My suspicion was aroused a little
then, and considerably more SO since
I was informed by Mrs. O'Rafferty
that there had not been a man in the
house since early morning. She
The new era., 1911-01-26

ly conscientious. He refused to make
a charge. Consequently took the
responsibility of holding the prisoner
and locking him in a cell where he
was not allowed to converse with any
outsider.
After a few days of confinement he
appeared quite down-hearted and
ksgged to be permitted to see his wife.
The meeting between the husband
and wife at their home was quite af-
fecting yet there was no development
that would suggest guilt. I now de-
termined to give O'Rafferty little
Jolt for the purpose OF frightening
him into confession.
In the corridor. at little distance
from his cell. person inquired:
What are they going to do with
O'Rafferty?" In as earnest a manner
he was to be hung on the following
morning at nine o'clock, by order OF
the commanding general. O'Rafferty.
of course, heard the conversation that
was intended for his ears.
There was at this time prevailing
fear among many that General Butler
was liable to hang almost anyone. My
ruse had Its effect, as O'Rafferty now
began to sob and groan. l stepped In
side his cell and made an effort to
console him. assuring him that l was
very sorry. but that nothing could
be done to help him unless he would
give up the money.
He was Catholic and begged that
he might see a priest. I thought he
wanted to make a confession. and
went at once to the custom house to
consult Major -, and CHANGED to
meet the postmaster. who was Cen
eral Buffers brother-in-law. When l
explained the situation and the possi-
bility of a confession, he said 1t would
do no good to let him confess to q
priest, who would divulge nothing that
was told him, and suggested Major
Farr chaplain of Connecticut regi-
ment Don't try to fool Catholic" !"
1 said. but let us secure a real
priest"
Upon my agreeing to take charge Of
The new era., 1911-01-26

stared at me as though trying to COM
prehend the situation.
Not wishing to worry her with any
further explanation l excused myself
as best could and left the house. AS
keen and discerning as l might have
been 1 could not for the life of me un-
derstand the reason why the woman
should attempt to deceive me unless
she had some object. The moisture
about the waist of the pants was to
my mind unmistakable evidence of a
man in the house only short time
before. Why did the woman deny it?
ascertained that O'Rafferty's usual
stand was on the levee not far from
the custom house and directed the
driver to take me there at once. On
arriving at the designated spot I was
fortunate in finding O'Rafferty at his
usual stand.
sprang out OF the conveyance in
which l was riding and stepping
briskly up to him, l boldly charged
him with stealing the leather bag. AS
Nothing short of proof to the contrary
could have cleared. him had 1 been
his Judge.
His statement differed materially
from the one made by his wife. On
questioning him he said he had been
at home In the middle of the day Had
fed his horse, cooked his own dinner
and waited upon himself Talked with
his wife and changed his pants. He
could give no reason why he made the
change, except that he did SO. He
stoutly denied carrying the paymaster
and swore by all the saints in Chris
tendon that he hadn't carried pas
senger on that day.
could not bulge him In the least;
the more 1 crowded him the keener
was his denial He deeply resented
the charge I had made and braced up
to me in a spirit of defiance. He was
Irish sure enough. Being tinctured
considerably with the same blood my
self, and with the United States gov
ernment at my back. had the ad-
vantage of him. Yet he might have
downed me had 1t not been for the
pants. This discovery as simple as 1t
was loomed up as matter of great
importance. arrested him and locked
him up in the First district station. l
was confident he was the thief, but
when he was brought into the pres
ence of the paymaster I was almost
knocked off my base when the major
was unable to recognize the prisoner.
besides which he had the amazing
stupidity to admit 1t in his presence.
He was evidently one of the negative.
The new era., 1911-01-26

The Annual Review number of "The
Railroad Red Book" monthly publ
cation issued by the Denver G. Rio
Grande, has just appeared.
This magazine is an exponent of ir-
irrigated farming in the Rocky Noun
tain region, and the Annual Review
number contains no less than 1O3 orig
inal articles especially prepared for
this issue on agricultural, mining,
commercial and industrial subjects, in
cluding among its contributors Gov
ernors Shafroth of Colorado, Spry OF
Utah, Mills of New Mexico. ex-Gover-
nor Adams of Colorado, C. J. Blanch-
ard, Statistician of the U. s. Reclama-
ton Service and others. The Annual
Review number of "The Red Book" is
looked upon as valuable reference
publication.
The new era., 1911-01-26
His Dim Impression.

Father" asked the boy. what is
'gink'?"
" have only vague idea, my
son." said Professor McGoozle; but
/ presume a gink is a guy, or geezer
or something of that kind. raised to
the ninth power."-Chicago Tribune.
The new era., 1911-01-26
oh, No.

Dubbs-Was 1t serious accident?
Swiftleigh-Not at all. Only two
pedestrians killed and the motor car
wasn't even scratched. I'm glad. too.
for ! had just had it revarnished.-
Tit-Bits.
The new era., 1911-01-26
Could She Melt Him?

Jack-Athenia is so cold in her man.
ner. | don't think she posses n par
ticle Of sentiment.
Ethel don't know. I've heard her
talk of meeting her affinity.
Jack-Huh! She must have come
across a snowman somewhere,
The new era., 1911-01-26
Between Neiehbors.

THAT thermometer bought is
fraud 1t hain't brought on no extra
ordinary weather" you've got the
wrong idea, Peleg. A thermometer
won't act like lightning rod
The new era., 1911-01-26
Didn't Like Any Of It.

She-Now that you have looked over
my music, what would you like to have
me play?
He-Whist or dominoes.
The new era., 1911-01-26
And He Never Knew It.

1.-THE captain told me they kept yol
alive for eight days on brandy and
milk
Just my luck: | was unconscious all
the time."-M. A. P.
The new era., 1911-01-26

1t is Illuminating to the listener
when a lady drawing comfortable
alimony comments of the marital dif-
ficulties OF others.
The new era., 1911-01-26
A Gentle Hint,

Helm afraid you are cold. Shall
take off my coat and put it around
you.
She-You may put your coat around
me, but why take it off?
The new era., 1911-01-26
Meant Quality, Not Size.

Mrs. Prunes-How did you find the
steak, Mr.. Newboard?
Newboard-Oh, I turned over the
potato.-Boston Transcript.
The new era., 1911-01-26
Sound Economic sense.

1t would be better to spend money
in abolishing the slums than to spend
1t in dealing with their results.-Ex-
change.
The new era., 1911-01-26
In Sunday School.

Teacher-What happened to Lots
wife.
Young America suppose you mean
about her turning to salt, but that
looks to me like yellow journal
story
The new era., 1911-01-26
Loves Ups and Down.

They skated, looking at the stars
That spangled heavens floor.
II was not wise; their feet flew out;
They saw a thousand more.
The new era., 1911-01-26

No self respecting small boy VIII
own up to sneaking liking for his
teacher.
The new era., 1911-01-26

WAS on duty a. special
agent of the United States
government at New Or
leans in the summer Of
1862. Maj. Gen. Benja-
min F. Butler was depart
ment commander and rul-
ing this then turbulent
city with an iron hand.
Everything down there
including the weather
The new era., 1911-01-26
COLORADO
LEGISLATIVE
DOM
D o . N G s

Denver.-Although the minds of the
senators are taken up almost entirely
by the preponderance of the senatorial
controversy nine bills were introduced
and one resolution submitted Tues
dav
The new era., 1911-01-26

BY request Senator Grove has in
troduced four bills in the Senate. One
making 1t felony for man to desert
his wife and children.
The second is for the protection OF
young girls from immoral influences
of saloons, wine rooms and dance
halls.
The new era., 1911-01-26
n stockmen's Interest.

The state legislature may be asked
to pass law making it obligatory
for railroads to pay fair value for
al stock killed on their tracks. A
better stock inspection law, providing
for tuberculin tests of all stock
shipped into the state for breeding
purposes, will undoubtedly be asked of
the General Assembly.