davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
, Htfos
Every Head
FROM THE DIARY OF
WILLIAM F. GUIDE

October e-Nioe warm day. Put
on fannels and white hat and
carried cane. One hour after
reached town things froze up and
hailstorm set in. Borrowed over
coat and umbrella. When l
reached the Chamber Of Commerce
sun suddenly came out. tempeTa-
ture rose to l0i. and friends in
quired mildly as to my sanity. VIII
kill Prof. Willis Moore tomorrow.
October I0-Have horrible cold.
Gentle rain when got up this
morning. Put on rain coat and
rlbbers. Subsequently rain stopped.
high wind came up, and light snow
fell. Have not decided whether I
will boil Prof. Moore in oil or
draw and quarter him.
October ll-Stn have cold.
Light frost this morning. Put on
oTercost and vest. At II O'Clock
took Of oTercoat- At HIS re-
moved vest. At IlO O'Clock tried
to figure out what else / could take
OF without causing unnecessary
scandal What is the matter with
Prof. Moorei never did any
thing to him.
October l2-Thiuk / have pneu-
n1onia. Decided to be prepared for
heat and cold, so carried overcoat
and sweater TO work in suit case
and wore light summer garb. Lost
out again. Il rained all day and
the temperature was around 90.
Have decided to kill Prof. Moore By
boiling in oil. II Is neater.
October l3-S'ayed home. Will
continue to stay home until they
quit trying to make hash out ot
weather. Still have cOld.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
WATER METERS.
Washington Herald Editorial Meets
with Appreciative Response.

Editor TheNWashIgto1 Herald:
Every lover If free water and plenty
Of ii will profit If they read the adito-
rial in your paper of to-day. under the
caption of Mayor Gaynor and Water
Meters" The question OF water meters
in private dwellings has been agitated
on several occasions by various ones in
this city. In 'SO6 the lexington Citi-
zens' Association. Of which I was then
a member, vigorously protested against
the installation Of water meters in private
dwellings. and went on record unani-
mously. if my memory serves me cor
rectly. as disappearing the estimates OF
the Commissioners.
Mayor Gaynor is an authority on this
subject, and his attitude in this respect
cannot consistently be questioned Wa
ter should be as free as the air which
We breathe, as both are absolutely essen
tial to life and heath. / am still of the
opinion that water meters should not he
installed in private dwellings.
W. W. TRAIL.
l7l2 Penn. ave. Washington, Oct. I3.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
Swiss Cheese Pavement..

Prom the New York Herald.
Under the present system, $500, 900
will be expended on the streets of tho
borough this year. though they may
not look it. Next year. under the old
method, as much more will have to be
expended as ever. To state il other
wise, the money, so far as permanent
results will have been thrown away
System is the rule of this business
age. 1t works wonders even in mu-
nicipal endeavqr. Honestly applied
here to the matter of improving the
city pavements, it will give Manhattan
what II deserves-street surfaces rea-
sonably permanent that shall not be as
full OF holes as q slice of Swiss cheese.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

all, and only 40 passed successfully
both the mental and physical tests. Of
the next contingent only 78 passed out
of z42 candidates. For the July trials
50 were nominated, but only IS qualified.
The fault lies in the laxity shown by
Congressmen, in the matter of appoint
ments. They should decline to con-
slider any one who cannot show a GER
tifcate of scholarship or of graduation
from high school. Let them select
young men who have at least some basis
of education and who are not suggested
merely through political influence.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
CURIOUS BITS OF HISTORY.
BY A. w. MACY.
TROUBLES OF THE BANK or
ENGLAND.

TROUBLES OF THE BANK OF
ENGLAND.
The Bank OF England, the
greatest monetary establishment
in the world" has had its trou-
bles. notwithstanding its great
financial strength. 1t has passed
through many perils. At various.
times it's notes have been at a
heavy discount, its credit has
been assailed. II. has been threat
ened with impeachment, and 1t
has been attacked by rioters. The
first run" on the bank occurred
in 1907. Other panics or runs oc-
CURED in 1745. 1897, and 1925. In
1882 the Duke OF Wellington was
unpopular. and four men pla-
carded the walls OF London with
the words, ITO stop the duke. go
for gold" Nobody knew exactly
what 1t meant. but it produced a
tremendous run on the bank. At
one time the bank lost 100000.
or almost S1,5OO,OOO. through the
forgeries of one man, and still
more at another time, by the for
geries of another man.
Copyright, 1911. bg Joseph B. BowieA)
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
FVERY SATURDAY
Our Motto: Hyou see it in The Biz
SticL. it ism I necessarily so.
EDITORIAL.

The Big Stick, which is the &C
knowledged leader in all reforms,
is determined 70 secure the sbOli'
tion Of that penicious institution.
Friday, the thirteenth.
We have been appealed to BY a
delegation Of leading citizens &c
urge a Congressional investigation
Of Friday. the thirteenth. Among
these who insist upon its abolition
are G. Warfeld Simpson. E. ).
NARROW, ]. Henry Small. jr., r.
P. Andrews, Fred G. Berger. d.
K. Casley, Percy S. Foster, and
James F. Hood.
We accept the task thus imposed
upon US. We never did like Fd-
day. the thirteenth, anyway.
II shall 20.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
PRESIDENT TAFT
To START WORK
ON FAIR TO-DAY
Will Turn First Shovelful of
Earth for 1915.
GETS WARM WELCOME

San Francisco, Oct. 13.-Amid the most
countered in his long trip from the At
lantic coast, came President Taft to-
night to the Golden Gate City. San
Francisco took the President right to its
heart. 1t was the climax OF a day Of
spirited ovation. From his stops early
in the day at small towns in the north OF
the State, down through Sacramento and
Oakland. and then here. It was one round
Of tremendous acclaim. II was an open
hearted welcome. typical OF this broad
cihc.
The people were doing respect to the
President Of the United States. Although
California is almost up on end with in
surgency. with Republican Insurgent
Gov. Hiram Johnson, whose antipathies
to the President are bitter, partisanship
was thrown to the wind. California 70
fused to see anything in the Presidents
visit but that of an Executive to start
the building of that tremendous enter
prise, the Panama-Pacifc Exposition.
which. opening four years hence. viii
commemorate the completion OF the Pan
anna Canal. So California, without re-
gard 70 insurgency or anything else, gave
tho President a welcome that quite over
whelmed him.
On the arrival OF the President here a.
$50 o'clock tonight he was taken in
parade Of automobiles through the busI-
ness section of the city to the st. Francis
Hotel. On the way the streets were lit
IRA ia wit u-hn
yelled, applauded. blew tin horns. and
made ii an altogether triumphal entry
Windows were nllcd. and thousands werC
on the roofs of houses. all cheering the
President. Red fire was burned and sky
rockets were sent into the air. Probably
10000 people saw the President ride to
his hotel. Mr.. Taft stood in his aUtOmo-
bile. his hat in his hand. bowling.
This is Inspiring" he exclaimed time
and again.
Tonight the President was dined at the
Palace Hotel by the directors OF the
Panama Exposition and talked of the
canal. its Importance to the country's
commerce and the enterprise OF San
Francisco in arranging for the immense
exposition.
While the President was. on his part.
anything but political for he has come
to the Coast to turn up the first spade
ful of earth for the Panama Pacific eX-
position here tomorrow, a distinct tinge
of politics was in evidence on his spe-
cial as he sped or the way here.
Gov. Johnson. who has been leading
bitter fight against Mr.. Taft in the State,
made il quite apparent that he was not
in sympathy with the President.
AT Oakland. President Taft was cheered
Justify as he rode through the streets.
He spoke at the laying OF the corner
stone of the new municipal building.
Mr. Taft remains here until Monday
night. and a lively round of events is in
store for him.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
Would-be Army Cadets.

1t does seem strange that a candidate
for West Point cadetship should show
so little knowledge of a rudimentary
education in his examination as to say
that Nebuchadnezzar was "a prophet
noted for his foreseeings," or that an
other should say that the Mason and
Dixon's line divided the States of
Maryland and Georgia, or still another
declare that Robert Burns line, "A
mans 4 man for a that" sounds much
smoother than the lines of other poets.
One of these aspirants stated that Lee
and Stonewall Jackson fought at Tren-
ton and Princeton, and there was one
who maintained that the battle of
Waterloo was fought between "Na-
poliean and Wellingford" Among the
most important writers of the nineteenth
century were named 'Eller" Wheeler
Wilcox, Elbert "Huggard," Jack Lon
don, and Dorothy Dix. This seems al
most incredible, but it is fact, accord
ing to the report of Supt Barry, of the
Military Academy, who says that "it
seems reasonable to urge that the fitness
Of the appointees be tested thoroughly
before they are allowed to take the en-
trance examinations"
The majority of candidates who have
tried the regular and the two special
examinations this year would fail 10
Qualify in any respectable grammar
school. OF the ss3 first nominated. I65
failed mentally, Ia did not report at
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

Norfolk, is as famous for its pheasants
as its owner is as a shot and rider.
1t was, in fact, he of whom Melville
wrote:
rider unequaIed, a sportsman complete.
A rum'un TO follow, q bad'un to beat
have already ohronicled the five
hundredth anniversary of the famous old
Scottish University Of ST. Andrews, which
Mr.. Carnegie attended as its honorary
rector. Lord Rosebery. the de-facto rec
tor. delivered the Grafton at the recep-
ton, at which the Earl Of Camperdown
presided A phase used by Lord Rose
berry. the Primrose Earl, 'problematically
plous and indubitably drunk" is clever
enough to be original. But 1t was not.
In a small book Of humorous letters and
poems by the late Jeffrey Prowse there
is a footnote referring to Mr.. Prowse's
connection with the Aylesbury News,
which says. Il find among the authors
papers a rough copy of verses about
King CliquOt, dated 1855, which winds
up with this couplet:
His ouurtiers found MIN out at last beneath the
table sunk.
Proble4natically pious but indubitsbly drunk.
The author was barely twenty when
he penned this verse. The surprise is
that the Primrose Earl consented to have
these words used without stating that
it was a quotation.
read in a New Zealand paper that
there are FIVE baronets living in that
country. There is nothing so strange in
this as there are quite a number of
baronets in all British colonies. and for
the most part in very humble walks OF
life It will be recalled that a sensa-
tional murder at Monte Carlo revealed
the existence OF the holder Of an ancient
Irish baronetcy title. who was earning
his living as a railway porter in South
Australia. At Melbourne, until very re-
Gently. the holder OF a historic British
baronetcy was working as a letter car
rier.
OF the FIVE New Zealand baronets only
one. Sir George Clifford. is a man Of
wealth The other four are civil serv-
ant a solicitor, dentist, and a land
agent. But none OF them is spurious,
their names are all TO be found in De-
brett They appear to be all right enough
entitled to their petty nobility. Still there
are more spurious barOnets In existence
than most people would imagine.
Several years ago the editor OF a lead
ing book Of reference proposed leaving
out the names OF all doubtful baronets,
but he refrained. owing to possible legal
complications. More recently a British
government commission went thoroughly
into the question and even made certain
recommendations. But the interesting
evidence was treated as strictly conf
Dental, so those possibly affected may
feel secure at present at least. That re-
port reposes in a docket at the British
home office waiting for some courageous
member Of Parliament to move that II be
published. FLANEUR.
CCopyright. 1911 by Court Gossip syndicatNJ
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
ON THE SAFE SIDE.

Yesterday the police reporter Of
The Big Stick submitted the fol-
lowing society item:
Miss George Jones. who says she
is the daughter Of William Jones.
was alleged yesterday to have mar
ried Henry Smith. who claims he
is employed by the government.
The alleged marriage took place,
It i said. at the home Of the
supposed brides father. Numerous
persons, claiming to be friends ct
the family, were present Rev.
Jimpson Weed. who declares he Is
a minister, performed the cere-
mcry.
thereafter The Big Stick will use
this style exclusively in writing so
ciety announcements. Besides BE-
ing interesting. IL Is absolutely non-
! hbelouS.)
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

When a fisherman goes a fish
ing. be sometimes gets a fish.
But the fish he doesn't get Is
always a bigger fish than the fish
he carries home.
For the truth Of these simple
statements consult that faithful
deTotee Of the rod and reel, A. J.
Bennett
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
Uncle Walt Says To-day:
Some kinds of I

Some kinds of hogs drop into the busy barber
shop Saturday. when people there await their turn to take
chair and have the gentle barber prune the
CONCERNING whiskered asSel and fsoon And when the
SWINE hog gets in chair the barber has to cut his
hair, and treat him to dry shampoo and dye
his Struggling gaway blue 1t takes the barber half day curry
down this swinish jay and people have wait their urn and
righteous wrath doth in them burn You've the Poker IN the
who all comforts that there he occupies pair OF
seats he piles his grips and fee and the next his
hes while book he CLUES his eyes, thus to avoid by
hoggsh guile the gaze of people the aisle who stand feet
that ache and and the hog from heels heart Oh
hogs that ootsies you're surely creatures adore
compared with hogs trbys who root their way this
world through
Copyright pu BY Gsrvs Matthew AdauA Walt MASON
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
Phoebe Couzins.

A woman with the record enjoyed
by Phoebe Couzins should not be per-
u1itted to end her days in penury.
Phoebe Couz;ns was a promising
young lawyer who some thirty years
ago had the respect of the St. Louis
bar She did more than any other per-
son of her day to demonstrate the abil-
ity of women to occupy an equal place
with masculinity. She was a pioneer in
the movement for the political and in
dustrial emancipation OF her sex be-
fore present-day platform orators were
born.
Besides. Miss Couzins is the only
woman who ever held the Office of
United States marshal position which
she filled creditably to herself and the
nation. When but a young girl she
took active part in the sanitary work
during the civil war. and while prac-
ticing her profession in St. Louis she
was known to devote a great deal Of
her time to charitable work. Finally,
she became a victim of rheumatism, a
natural sequel to the rowing, exposed
life she was obliged to lead for so
many years.
Her declining years ought not to be
made unhappy by distress.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
Duke of Connaught Lands.

Quebec. Oct 13.-The Duke and Duchess
OF Connaught, who are to preside over
Rideau Hall at Ottawa as representatives
of King George for the next few years,
landed here to-day. The streets were
decorated for the occasion, and every
where was manifested the nveliest IN
terest in the reception to the new gov
ernor general. -
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
CHURCHES MAY MERGE.
Methodist Protestant Invited TO
Join United Brethren.

Baltimore, Nd. Oct. 13.-Dr. T. T.
Tagg. editor of the Methodist Protestant.
made a stirring address reviving the
agitation of church union OF the United
Brethren denomination with the Meth
odist Protestant denomination. The ad-
dress was we'll received, and the general
impression of the conference is that the
United Brethren denomination Will re-
ceive the Methodist Protestants when
ever they are ready to join their ranks.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
Everywcman .....
a. n
UP IN THE AIR.

We waited for the bride and groom
To start their trip.
There was enough rice in the room
To sink q ship.
Each fellow held rusty shoe
Behind his back:
And there were ribbons, pink and
blue.
Upon the hack.
The bride and groom. thty held
aloof.
To our dismay;
Then took an sirship from the Toot
And few away.
GEORGE p. JAMES.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
'RAH! RAH!

Jam
His nose:
Smash his toes:
Slam him IN he's lame.
Break
His head;
Must hare dead
In a football game.
IRON Coach Nielson's address ot
welcome TO The Carlisle Indians.l
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

he has much skill and experience
in the gentle art Of fishing. When
ever he seeks the bosom Of the
placid Potomac, it is al over with
the black bass. They simply grab
at his bait and allow themselves
to be landed. They can't help it.
Many a fish has Mr.. Bennett
caught. Isn't 1t sad that his big
gest fish always got away?
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
His Exact Location.

"Wombat was at the opera last night"
All, you saw him drinking in the
melody"
No; when I saw him he was drinking
in the bar"
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
THOUGHTS AT 8 A. M.

love to think of boyhood days wher
/ the turkeys fed;
used to fix their breakfast food ere yet
the sky was red.
used to dry-shampoo the horse and
manicure the cow;
love to lie in bed and think needn't
do it now.
arose at
And fetched the water from the well, a
hundred pals or more.
And then 1 dragged the harrow out and
harnessed up the plow;
love to lie in bed and think needn't
do 1t now.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

wouldn't it simplify matters to let
the aspirants for the Democratic nomi-
nation for President hold a convention
and name the candidate?
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

woodrow Wilson says he is two
kinds Of a Democrat; but what about
the other fifty-hve varieties?
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
A StnRe Sailor.

A sailor bold I'd like to be.
Yo. no! Yo. no!
I'd like to sail a canvas sea.
Yo. no! 70. no!
I'd like to wear a pie-shaped cap
And head the bill
And be an honest sailor chap.
In vaudeville.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
Well, Well!

Money is on trial in this country"
Well, some of it is being acquitted.
I met a lawyer this morning who said
he had just cleared $1,000"
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

burg rather than pay a 50 fine; and he
is no village Hampden," either.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
T,he Pot nnd the Ket1Ie.

From the ST. Paul Dispasch
The Frankfurter zeitung calls the
seizure Of 'Tripoli a epubIic act of
-brigandageF against which all Europe
must protest" Asadir, Morocco, pa
pers please copy.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
AN ALL-STAR CAST.

Not long ago Col. Henry Savage,
with that wisdom for which he Is
noted, asked the sporting editor Of
The Big Stick to cast his latest
symbolic drama. 'EverywomAn- -
What he wanted, the colonel said.
was a cast that would in every
respect fit the parts according TO
the ideas Of the playwright.
The Big Stick. therefore, has pre-
pared and forwarded TO the colonel
the following as the only cast that
can adequately play the roles:
"EVERYWOMAN."
EverywomAn NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
Mrs. BelVa S. lockwood
Her companions:
Youth. Judge Bundy
Modesty. Charles c. Lancaster
Beauty. Jack Mosby
Conscience ,her handmaidenl..
Washington Gaslight Co.
Flattery
Capt. Oysters opinion Of
Snowden Ashford.
Truth "a witch who never liesl
..............The Water Meter
King Love I (her sOnl.
ANY street car company
Bluff STUFF. George Conn ct al.
ProcrastinatiOn ................
The Universal Transfer Law
Law. Mai. Sylvester
Order. Dorsey Foultz
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

girl started a balky horse with candy.
Oh, fudge!
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
HIS NEW ONE.

Danny G.'s got an English hat
Warm and soft And fuzzy.
Try to pull the hairs out now;
See II twill make him wuzzyl
THOMAS FRANCIS.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

II Senator Stephenson should start a
campaign in favor of Pauline Wayne
at the International Dairy Show. we
would not be so uncertain about her
taking the prize
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
why He Left.

why did you leave that swell board
ing -house?"
Because the sweetness was at the ex-
pense of the food supply"
What do you mean?'
-Four kinds of forks and two kinds OF
vegetables
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
where Ia INDIAN Summer

From the ehfadelphia Press.
AS the season progresses the horri-
BILE suspicion is gaining ground that
Indian summer has been delayed in
transmission,
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

Some of these people who try stamp
firtations are going to be stuck.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

Aviators always start for altitude
records with high hopes.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
A NATURE THOUGHT.

The earnest efforts Of Uncle Jim
Wilson and his boys to find some
thing to take the pucker out OF
persimmons Is very commendable.
indeed; but what the fellow who
knows ''whar simmons is" at this
interesting season really wants to
know Is how to keep the pucker
out Of his mouth. Tell II to me.
ROBERT N. BARR
(Mr. Barr. weIl-knoWn nature
lover. ard haunter Of the mac
csssible Wild, Is, our readers will
recall. the author Of those apneal-
ing nature poems, The Voice Of
the Velvet Violet" The Lair Of
the Chinquapin," Nuts for the
Nutty," and "A Mile Of Chest
nuts" whose publication IN past
issues has so pleased our readers.
The above pearl o. thought Is CAL
culated to increase his literary
fame. )-EditcT The Big Stick.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

Not a few people would define big
amy as double trouble.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

The doctor-preacher in Missouri who
charged for burying his patients want
ed to catch 'em coming and going.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
Friendly Advice.

I'VE surprised all our friends by get
ting married"
Good enough. Now surprise 'em by
staying married"
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

The government was long in finding
that the navy yard was short.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14

There are indications that the kim
ding wood trust will be split up
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
Others to be Caught.

From the Baltimore Eyenirg Sun.
Seventy eight indicted - and the
mayoralty count not yet begun.
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
Uncle Pennywise Says,

Saw an old sweetheart OF mine yester-
day for the first time in twenty years.
She had the same sweet smile, but her
teeth were new
The Washington herald., 1911-10-14
A Job for Him.

How were you on athletics in college.
SOM"
II was good at relay events, dad"
That's what 1 understood. Well, you
kin just relay all the carpets your ma
took up last spring"