The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1911-04-24

UBsCRIBER COMES BACK.

Never Could Find Anything He Read About
Past the protesting elevator man and the
equally indignant office boy he had forced his
way square up to the desk of the managing ed
itor. There fire in his eye
Yes. sir, he announced with angry preci-
sion. I've come back! Just becuz Jeffres
couldn't come back s'pose you thought no.
body couldn't You had an idee you could
60 right bunkoing folks without anybody
saying 'Boo!' There's my card. I'm the darn
fool that's been taking your paper for the last
thirty years"
ed with the subscription lists
You aintf L s'pose you'll say you don't re-
member letter | wrote you a year ago when
/ got that $4,000 left me-"
oh, you do remember il, do ye? And maybe
YOU rem ember that / wrote I was going to spend
the money looking UP the things I'd read about
| In your paper for the last thirty years."
Did You do it,"
Northampton, Mass. Do you remember the piece
YOU printed in 81 about Northampton. Mass 90
1T wasn't strike it?'
| NO, sir. it wasn't strike Il fire, nor a
cyclone 1t piece about girl that had
/ slept steady for eight weeks without bite TO
eat"
! NO sir. She wasn't awake when / got there,
and she wasn't asleep nether--she wasn't no.
where, And when ! asst the people that lived
| In Northampton all their lives what do you
/ spose they told me?"
! II haven't an idea.
| They say that girl never lived there at all:
that there never was such girl and that no.
| body ever heard OF her except in your paper. u
I'm sorry" said the editor, hoping to stem
the TRADE
I'm make you sorrier before get through
with you. Do You remember that piece you
published In sc about the spring in Big Bend.
Ark, that ran lemon phosphate?
Cant say | recall exactly
| Don't matter. l can prove IT becuz I've go,
the clipping in my scrap book. Well Big Bend
was the first place went.
What was the matter Did the spring run
wild cherry"
NO sir. nor tame cherry, nor sarsapary
nor chocolate Ice cream sody There amt a
spring In town. and when l asst folks about II
they laffed--yes, sir, they laffed.
| II deeply regret
! And hi Peaberry lllnoy Amos wilkins took
a shotgun to me when / dropped in 10 inquire
| "a bout the buried treasure that you said he dug
folks had ast him about the treasure he'd never
found that he'd gone clean out of his head"
But fortunately YOU escaped"
| Yes SIR j escaped to find that there ain 1
at Newburyport and that he never sea
/ serpent: that haunted house out in vermilion
South Dakota never was haunted; and the
| eaped menagerie near Tucson. Ariz.. didn't es-
! cape at all. There never was Wild man al
| Paterson New Jersey; Susie Wlllets at Sun
| Prairie Nebrasky never even saw an eagle
and YOU saws she carried on by one. Rich
nrd j. Jensen at the University OF Minnesota
didn't invent machine to undress him, and
! Lottie LIE Rou the we'll known show girl. doesn,i
carry around four young boa constrictors to pia,
with between acts. But l amt mean, Mr.. Edi-
tor I'm going to give you a true piece to write
~lp in YOUR paper. j1st havE" som ef,udy write
down this: AT the OF sixty-fve Oscar r
Judson. OF. oakowee. WIS begun licking edi
| tors - And If the religious editor and tins
| foreman hadn't happened in Mr.. Judson would
have begun very well. indeed.-Horatio Win
| slow, in Puck.