The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-01-18

"NANSu AAohS uO"A ~ ~CIAuI duO
found my spectacles on the shelf
where I had placed them months ago.
After the second l found my lost
thimble in the teapot. l was fool
enough to take a third, hoping to find
a dime l mislaid two years ago. but
what did it do but make me remem-
Der that l owed Elder johnson for a
barrel Of pork bought five years ago.
l started right Out and paid the debt,
and he charged me interest at the rate
Of 10 per cent. l am advising every
body in the vicinity to beware of your
restorer as they would Of the deadly
r~attlesnake."
Borrowed "Five" Recalled.
Henry p. Of Milwaukee writes: III 1
had my paws on you you should sure
" suffer. l took a dose of your mem
DRY restorer the other evening to see If
It wouldn't help me to remember who
borrowed my jackknife during the
day. 1t did. 1t was Moses Barnes,
but when l went for the knife next
cash at the same time he borrowed my
old fifteen e knife. and I've got to
come down or stand a lawsuit. l look
upon you as a fraud aud a swindler
and shall do everything possible to in
jure you"
Deacon Waters of Ohio writes:
'Some ten years ago l had a business
deal with Deacon T~ravers, also Of
this town and a member of the same
church. 4 year later he claimed that
l still owed him So. l denied it, and
he sued. He was beaten, but the event
almost disrupted the church and an
tagonized many families.
1.-THE other day in calling on the min
lister l found him about to take a dose
of your memory %restorer. He had
laid aside his m for three years
and could not find them to preach over
again. l decided to imbibe with him
and see if l could remember to whom
I lent my pitchfork.
Fright here. sir. l wish to call YOU
an unhung s%coundrel. The dose had
no %pitchfork in it, but it caused me to
remember and to blurt right out to
the minister that I really did owe
Deacon Travers that money. l tried
to take 1t back. but in vain. I have
had to come down with the dough,
with interest and compound interest,
and no II will now buy eggs of me
without counting them over twice. l
would 60 many miles. sir. to see JUS
tice done upon your wretched carcass.
Why remember? Why not forget"
Remarkable Case In St. Paul.
Mrs. H. G. of st. Paul writes: 81 am
of those fools who buy every pat
ent medicine rs fast as it appears, and
the other day l came across your men,
DRY restOrer. Years ago a cousin Of
mine removed to Kansas. l had for-
gotten the name of the place and took
a humping big dose of your restorer
in hopes to recall it. The name came
within two minutes, and within two
more I received a telegram that my
cousin was dead and hadn't left me a
red cent out Of her riches.
"Sir, l denounce you as a miserable
wretch. and you may be sure that I
shall do everything in my power to
drive your v%illainous compound from
the state of Kansas"
Pilgrim Joe's Memory Restorer re-
stores events a hundred years past.
One dose will carry your memory
back for fifteen years. Before the bot
tie is finished you are remembering
how and where you met George Wash
ington.
Can be taken on a full or an empty
stomach.
You don't lose consciousness when it
is working.
If other persons are in the room with
you be careful not to express your II r
prise as events of the past come rising
up before you.
After the fifth dose slack off for a
day or two in order that your memory
may get used to the new strain put
upon it.
Druggists who offer you something
just as good" are horse thieves and
liars, and their preparations are liable
to make you forget that you have paid
your street car fare once and hand the
a second nickel. There is
but one Pilgrim Joe.