davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

he has been profane,'' said he. per
haps you had best relate the circum-
stances"
HE said damn it," ssid the woman.
b~lushing.
Some authorities hold that damn it
is profanity said Mr.. Nash, gravely.
What was he doing at the time he
said damn it?'"
"He was laying a carpet for me-" said
the woman
"And-' prompted the magistrate.
HE hit his thumb"
Under the circumstances" saiG Mag
istrates Nash, land having laid carpet
myself, having Inadvertently hit
my own thumb with the hammer while
laying said carpet, I shall have to rule
that your employee was not profane'
He was only vulgar. Summons refused
..Why Is it," asked Rose Stahl, that
In the spring a young woman's n Is
apt to turn to clucking hens? Last
wear one of my best friends abandoned
the footlights and sought the actors
| oft dreamed of paradise, a little home
in the country.
LAS a recreation she decided to start
a poultry farm, which she did with q
BARNARD hen and thirteen eggs from
the village store. No having even the
most elementary knowledge of poultry
she inquired of a neigEbor how lone
eggs generally took to hatch She
received the reply:
Three weeks for chickens and foui
for ducks
'oThe neighbor met her some time
afterward, and on being asked how
the poultry farming was going on, sh,
replied, with a lowering ~cdlntenance:
"'Oh, I've finished with 1t. At tn
end of three weeks there were NJ
chickens, so 1 took the hen Off, as
didn't want ducks"
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07


To the Editor OF the Evening Star:
While alighting from trolley cars on
several occasions recently 1 nave mar
rowly escaped serious injury by the
manner in which the folding doors are
carelessly handled by the conductors
and motormen. They are evidently in
tent on making all possible speed and
spend as little time manipulating the
doors as they can. The speed Is gained
but at the expense of exposing the
passenger to danger.
In ope lg the doors a device folds
the. Up and a long handle is exposed
for the passenger to balance himself
with while getting off. The motormen
and conductors do not open the doors
fully. so that when the unsuspecting
passenger grasps the handle and puts
his weight on 1t the door gives and
throws the passenger off his balance.
The doors must be opened as far as
they will go. so that & firm support
may be had while alighting. A person
of ordinary weight can be so unbal-
anced by the present method of open
ing the doors as to cause him to fall
off the car, perhaps beneath the wheels.
The car crews should be instructed in
this mater and rigid rules made re-
garding the opening and closing of
doors. r. 7. COOK.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
Just By the Way

AwIy.

AwfTy.
Her-Yes, I'm very proud of my
ancestry. Do you come from a very
old family. Mr.. Slicker?
Him-Lor', yes. My grandfather ami
grandmother both lived to be over
ninety.
Heck Highbrow. his that a our
general store for so long, has sold
out and says he's goin' to spend the
rest of his life dom good. Looks dis
couragin' for Good. I amt never hearu
o. him.
The thing that makes a man want to
marry a girl more'n anything else is
for her to want to marry some other
man.
A good way to be cheerful is to look
back and think how bad things looked
a year or so ago that you grin at now,
when you remember 'em.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
Praises STAR Crusade.

To the Editor Of the Evening Star:
Residents in the South Broad street
section are beginning to feel the benefit
of your crusade against dirty streets
Already there has been a noticeable
change in the condition of the streets
there, and we find it a great boon to
us. There are few stores and no fac
tories there, and any dirt which ac-
cumulates in the street is due to traf-
fc.
Heretofore the streets would not be
cleaned for several days at a stretch,
but now the department seems to real
ize with the aid of your %prodding) that
this work must be done regularly. The
cleaners also take more time with their
work and do it much better than has
been the custom.
Keep UP the good work and in time
we will have an efficient street clean
ing department. B. KLEBN.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
NEWARK,S FIRST ScHOoLMAsTER.

1S HE ceremonies attending the unwilling of a tablet in memory
of John Calin, the first schoolmaster of Newark, seemed
to enlighten the great majority of the ctys population as
to the name and fame of this local pioneer of education. Catln
came from Connecticut and belonged to the same school of thought
as the first settlers. He taught in their primitive ways and sought
to make the son a copy of his father. His influence was seen in
substantial growth of the little community planted in a wilder
ness and dependent upon it's own resources and its manhood and
womanhood. The educator in those days was closer to his pupil
than is the educator of our day, and more strongly Influenced his
moral character, and we may attribute to John Catlin much of the
selfreliance, courage, fortitude and uprightness that characterized
the community of Newark in its early days and that built the
solid foundation of the city's future prosperity.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
VALUE OF A RAILROAD FOR TAXATION

HUSTICE SWAYZE, in his opinion in the two cases of appeal
Ill BY the West Shore Railroad Company from the valuations
fixed by the State Board of Assessors, says; Eve have
heretofore found no suggestion that a propertyowner should be
property because he was unable to use it to advantage and with
profit. The answer ordinarily is that if the property is worth the
money It il because some one can or thinks he can make it produce
a profit on the valuation" Real estate owned by individuals is
assessed for its value without regard to what income the owner
derives from it. In many cases the assessor would be unable to
find out. Why should a railroad property be otherwise regarded?
The claim in these cases was made that the mileage in New Jersey
assessed for tax was Improbable to the lessee, the New York
Central. But the reports of the company show that the leased
road earns interest on a large amount of bonds. while the policy
of the company in retaining the lease and operating the road is
evidence enough of value to the company. The PENNSYLVANIA
railroads bookkeeping will show that there is loss on the oper
alton of the terminal line between Trenton and New York, although
that stretch of track and the terminal are the most valuable part
of the Pennsylvania railroad system.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
Plan or METROPOLITAN SAVAGE DISPOSE

IT f New York city shall be forced to adopt a sanitary system of
sewage disposal in place of the present plan of pouring the
crude sewage into the harbor from hundreds of sewers the ex
pense by any method adopted will reach the figure of $%150,00OO00.
The cheapest plan figured out is that of local disposal plants, ac-
cording to the Metropolitan Sewerage Commission, which body,
however, has not taken into consideration the question OF getting
locations for the plants. That question will become acute at once
as soon as the commission undertakes to designate the locations.
The natural desire in the metropolis would be to tunnel the Hudson
and establish the disposal plants on the New Jersey side. but that
would seem impractcable in view of unreasonable objection in
this State. The plants must have a location in New York and
within The, corporate limits of the city. In what section would
the inhabitants and propertvowners submit to such an infection?
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

IN n eminent lawyer suggests as a means of improving the
e u quality of legislation the appointment of a commission on
statutory Interpretation, to which all legislative bills shall
be sent before their final passage, in order to test their constltu-
tiOnality and practicability. Some such proposition was made at
Trenton several years ago and did not meet with much favor. But
something should be done TO prevent the placing on the statute
books at every legislative session of laws that cannot stand the
scrutiny of the courts. Lawyers know that many existing laws.
some of them important, are of doubtful constitutionaliy. If the
idea of censorship of legislation could be gotten rid of it would be
practicable to devise a plan to have all bills submitted to expert
examination before they are passed. Another suggestion that is
pertinent is that of brief synopsis of the objects of all bills intro
duced in the Legislature. This is done by the Fitzgerald service,
but necessarily only in the briefest terms and not adequately. A
good synopsis of bills would be an aid to legislation; it would be
valuable in getting early and correct information about important
bills before the public through the newspapers, and it would be a
good safeguard against hasty and iladyised legislation.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

The members of the Essex County
Country Club will observe election
night with a dance at their clubhouse
in Hutton Park. West Orange.
A largely attended subscription
bridge whist was given in the Woman's
Clubhouse, East Orange, yesterday
afternoon for the benefit of the East
Orange High School Alumni scholar
ship fu-.d. Keen interest in the func-
ton was displayed and Miss Marian
Hunter, who was in charge, was warm
ly congratulated upon the splendid
success of the card party. Miss Hunter
was assisted by Mrs. Royal Grosen-
baugh, Miss Eleanor Neustaedter, Miss
Carey Ludwig, Miss Ethel Moffat and
Miss Dorothy Nichols.
Forty -ables We're in play and
the prize winners included Mrs. Will
lam M. Kirsch, Mrs. Houstin, Miss
Margaret Seymour, Mrs. c. M. Walsh,
| Mrs. William Wallace, Miss Tinckler,
Mrs. A~ppleyard, Mrs. Hallet, Mrs.
Simmons, Miss Schlimmel, Miss Greer,
Mrs. Davies. Mrs. 4. II. Amrine, MIS-.
Otto Fischer, Mrs. Snyder, Mrs. e. H.
Brush, Mrs Van Dyk, Mrs. Walter
Knapp, Mrs. Ferber, Mrs. William Dit
mars, Miss Amy Ditmars, Miss Amy
Condit, Miss Ida Hurley, Mrs. G. G.
Osborn, Mrs. Alexander Norval, Mrs,
II. E. Cooper. Miss Reba Owen, Mrs.
Guy, Mrs. Oscar II. Condit, Mrs
Charles w. Evans, Mrs. ]. e. Osborn,
Miss Constance Wilson and Miss Myra
Hedden.
Mr.. Myron Simon, of SIS Broad street
this city. is a passenger today OF the
Lusitania. He is planning to visii
Russia and China.
q
DIR. and Mrs. II. F. Beers, of Soutf
Eleventh street, this city. have re-
turned from a weeks stay in SUISSE,
county.
-
MI, n Mrs Frank n. is Hser-e
Of 1913 Walnut street north, East Or
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
BAD FOOD FOR STATE PRISONERS.

g POILED food is not among the punishments contemplated for
- criminals in confinement, The admission of George B. Wight,
State commissioner of charities and correction, that for sew
eal mornings during the heated spell last July the hash served to
the conyicts in the State prison at Trenton was sour is a disgrace
to the penal administration of New Jersey. The explanation is
made that the refrigerator was out of order and that the appH-
ances of the kitchen prison are generally worn out But whose
fault is it that when the apparatus had become unserviceable there
was not new equipment ready to replace it? Mr.. Nights sugges-
ton to the governor that the prison inspectors appoint a dietihan
to overlook the cuisine is a good one.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
ONE REASON FOR AN p THET1C CAMPAIGN.

tn ERHAPS one reason for the apathetic attitude of the New
liz Jersey citizen in the election campaign was due to the feel
ing that the election this year was only a prelude for the
presidential election of 1912. He had seen legislation shaped last
winter with reference to national politics next year, and the I'M
preston was strengthened by the presidential campaign trips of
the Governor through the West. OF what significance. therefore,
was a State election that was not what it seemed, but only a put
ting of things into shape for the real election campaign TO open
next year? That all life was taken out of the campaign ended
last night is undeniable. Never before was $ much indifference
exhibited by New Jersey voters. The new election laws are largely
TO blame. But something more than that was the prevalent sense
that the election o November { would mean little more than the
shaping of a presidential candidacy for 1912.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
SOCIAL NOTES
OF Newark and the Suburbs

ange entertained the Mosaic Club last
night. A feature of the evening was
a paper on "oberammergau," read by
the Rev. F. Croswick Todd, rector of
the Episcopal Church of st. Andrew,
South Orange. The musical program
was under the direction Mr.. Erie v.
Goodwin.
Mrs. William E.. Stewart, of South
Orange, was hostess yesterday at a
meeting of the Monday Bridge Lunch
con Club.
L.
Miss Bessie Clark, of philadelphia,
who was recently the guest Of Mrs.
Francis George Hasselman, of East Or
ange, and Of Miss Frances Scharf. Oh
South Orange, will return home this
week, after a stay at Caldwell.
Mr. and Mrs. John Malcolm Firth,
who have been visiting relatives in
South Orange, will leave this week for
their home in Alabama.
-"
Miss Alice Osborne, of South Orange
is in Brookline. Mass, where h Will
be an attendant this week at the mar
riage of Miss Kittredge and Mr.. Lot
Hamlin, of Princeton. Later she vii
go to Portland, Me.
-.
The Sigma Theta Phi Fraternity
gave a dance last night at Englisn's
Hall, East Orange. The patronesse'
included Mrs. Herbert t. Abrams
Mrs. John H. Allen, Mrs. A
Bartsch, Mrs. Fred T. Crane. Mrs. L
Howard Brumbaugh, Mrs. George r
Eastman, Mrs. Abram M. Riley, Mrs
A. p. Waterman, Mrs. osgood 8
Wiley, Mrs. F. r. williams and Mrs, Q
S. williams.
-
Mr.. and Mrs. Theodore Reynolds are
staying at the Essex County Country
rlnh rhay III 1eave soon for New
York.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
More of This to FoAow)
DINNER STORIES.


A fussy Brooklyn woman asked Mag
istrate Nash the other day for a sum-
mons for a man she had employed.
He had been profane in her presence.
she said. Magistrate Nash expressed
his sorrow at this fact.
"I will gladly issue the summons II
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
Trnnic squad Inquiry.

10 the Editor of the Evening Star:
What has happened to the traffic
squad of Orange that was stationed at
Orange and Day streets. AS a resident
Of Orange think at least three or four
policemen should be stationed there,
as | have witnessed several dangers
since the squad has d%isbanded. J. r.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
Puzzle,
Pa Twaddles-What,s the trouble. m

Pa EMBELLISHMENTS the trouble, my
dear?
Ma Twaddles-I can't decide whether
Tommy learned that awful language
from the parrot or whether the parrot
learned it from Tommy.
These things which, as people say,
won't do you any HARM" all put 10
gether won't count for as much as one
thing that will do you good.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

ate command at Bel
mont were tryi n g
their aim on the Fed
eral g~unboats Polk
pointed to a cloaked
soldier and shouted:
""There's a Yankee,
boys, If yoa want to
try your aim" But
the boatloads looked
easier and less ike a
waste of ammunition
than one lone soldier
.aa
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

OF a HUTSe, o" else IHe UIIIIIdHt IHIII-
tary career of Ulysses Simpson Grant
might never have begun. After the
Confederates found out tn chance they
had missed on that lone soldier, they
determined hat one Yankee was as
good as another to shoot at any time.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
Paradoxicai.

McSoSn-Poor old van Stoo! ne )
going blind, l hear.
DeLush-What's the cause?
McSosln-Too many ''eye-openers.'
Charcoal placed in a refrigerator
will absorb the odors of food, but who
wants odorless food?
The "Song of Moses" composed in
1891 B. c., is the Oldest hymn in the
world.
There's no use trying to talk common
stuff to the young fellow who's just
had his first shave.
Some people are so crazy about title:
that they'd rather be known as Genera
Incapacity than not to be a genera
at all.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
FR%5TTS5E

The STAR extends the privilege
of these columns to the public and
invites signed communications OF
not more than one hundred words
treating OF topics OF the hour.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
titf
+ TODAY IN HISTORY.

November I. 1861. just fifty a ago
today. while General Polk.s Confeder-
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

Sad that moment when you wander
Up the attic's dusty stair.
For to seek your last years derby
Which you laid away with care.
Hope takes turns in pa~lpitatfng
In your bosom with a dread
That you will be forced to purchase
A new skypiece for your head.
Tenderly you raise the relic,
Bearing dust spots like the dew,
Yet you think with careful brushing
Maybe for awhile twill do. -
Joyfully you seek a mirror,
Happy thoughts your bosom swell,
Take one ~look-your hopes are blasted
Last years derby looks l~ike-yes;
That is what it most resembles,
Brim too wide and band askew,
Wife then remarks, You see now
Why / need a new one, too"
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

DIR. Wilfred Ward, a north end physl-
clan, who recently addressed a mothers
meeting, tried to impress upon his au-
dience the necessity of having adenoids
removed from children. He urged the
mothers not to hesitate having it done
when necessary. and said: Its such a
simple thing to do, and is but the work of
a few minutes" He then showed the
mothers the instrument for the removal
of growths. He discovered, after his
long talk, that he had at least con-
WINGED one woman that the operation
was a simple one, for she stepped up
and said: Doctor, where could I get
an instrument like that, and just how
would / use it?" The doctor was sur
prised, and then had to explain to the
mother that it was a simple operation
for skilful hands, but would be impos-
sible for her to use it.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

If a man comes home at 3 a. m. and
his wife meets him with a rolling pin
and starts an argument, is that situa-
ton justiciable?
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07
Next!

The Garden street philosopher came
home the, other night. His face was
smooth as satin and he looked just
out of sight. The dainty scent of lilacs
hung around him like a cloud; his
bald spot was a-shining and he looked
almighty proud.
His wife was in the hallway and she
kissed him as of yore, but her sniff
1t bresthed suspicion as he passed her
through the door. oh don't worry,
dear" he chuckled, 81 have been in
no barroom and it's not TO hide the
whiskey that I'm scented with per-
fume."
And his wife said: "Oh, l know it,"
!; she plucked a golden hair from the
lapel of his raincoat which he laid
upon a chair. Yes, l know you were
not drinking for you walked Sc
straight, of course, but you'll quit those
lady BARRIERS or I'll sue for a divorce
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

ABoUT MEN/
(6OTOW

Shrievalty Candidate Monahan
stepped into the sheriff's quarters the
other day. One of the clerks remarked
that the offices were pretty nifty"
"Yes," said Mr.. Monahan. II like
them first rate and am trying to induce
the landlord to let me rent them"
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

Mr.. ana Mrs Frank 10 Pierre
of 123 Walnut street north, East Or
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

Mr.. and Mrs. theodore Reynolds are
staying at the Essex County Country
.rlnh. They WIN leave soon Tor New
York.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

DIR. and Mrs. H. F. Beers, of South
Eleventh street, this city. have re-
turned from a weeks stay in Sussex
county.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

Mrs. william E. Stewart, of South
Orange, was hostess yesterday at a
meeting of the Monday Bridge Lunch
con Club.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

Mr.. and Mrs. John Malcolm Firth,
who have beer visiting relatives in
South Orange, will leave this week for
their home in Alabama.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-11-07

Mr.. Myron simon, of IS Broad street.
this city, is a passenger today on the
Lusitania. He is planning to visit
Russia m China.
The French Broad hustler. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1896-1912, 1911-01-05
HOLIDAY BEHAVIOUR.

Wouldn't it be. a good idea if
the advocates of the :" safe and
sane" fourth of July would add
the Christmas season to their pro-
gram? As the event is now cele-
brated by a portion, at least, of
the liberty loving citizenship, tits
no more than a period of license
for the innate and unsurpassed
wickedness of a whole year. True,
the proper celebration far out
weighs the improper, but as we
see it, this is no excuse for the lat
ter. Recall the story of the mis-
sionary returning to America who
brought along one of the unregen-
crate natives. to teach him the
ways of the Westerner2 Standing
zone night watching a groupsof
tstudents at one OF Eour colleges,
who were making the night wild
wit htheir reveries -pop-crackers,
cow bells, tin pans, yells-the
heather asked: "What arerthey
doing now9" Celebrating
Christmas the missionary re-
piled. And what event does
Christmas represent 2" he asked
! The missionary told the story OF
the Child. while the heather lis
tened to every Yord. When he
had finished, he (the, Chinaman)
remarked: cit may be all RICH,
for your God, but l don't think
mine would appreciate it, AD,l
there you are.
The French Broad hustler. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1896-1912, 1911-01-05
THE NEW YEAR.

If you have not. turned oy.r Il
new leaf in making ready for the
hew year now is the accepted
time - There should be high re-
solves and earnest purpose of re
form in every life and no more APP
propriate period is afforded than
the glad new year after having
enjoyed the delightful festivities
of the happy Christmas holidays.
New Years day should bring the
thought and desire to all of doing
better and becoming more useful
IN the world. In many hayward
lives it marks the turning point
thereby permitting the jaded and
weary heart of the evil doer to be-
gin anew it's purpose of saving
the man Let the sinful and re.
pentant shake off sloth, determine
to resist temptation and endeavor,
heaven-helped, to be able to con
troll their old selves and live new
lives for the future.
Where's there's a will there s
a way You can lead better life
If you are a mind to do it. Get
away from yourself, shake off that
old familiar demon and smile
back to the dear, sweet, innocent
little boys and girls, who cry out
to all "A Happy New Year
That is just what this newspaper
wishes sincerely to say to Its many
readers today. GA Very Happy
and Prosperous New Year! =