davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
WHY HE WAS LIKE A DONKEY
Husband Gets Startling and Unexpect- ed Reply From. Spouse When
 Trying to Spring. Joke.

William, do you know why yol are like a donkey?"
 Like a donkey?" echoed William, opening his eyes wide. "No. don't"
 Do you give 1t up?"
 q do."
 Because your better-half is stub. bornness herselfl"
 That's not bad. Ha! ha! I'll give that to my wife when I get home"
 Emily" he began. as he sat down to supper, "do you know why am like a donkey?"
 He waited for moment. expecting his wife to give it up; but she didn't She looked at him with some pity in her eyes. and replied:
 T suppose. dear. because you were born so :"
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
Tourists In ireland.

The world is always willing to give every renaissance a chance. and we have ours now. Are we going to take it? This matter of tourist organiza- ton may seem, at first sight, to be a small one. But our attitude towards it win be regarded. and rightly regard ed as a sign of our whole attitude to- wards the things that the modern world of business considers most i'm portant. If we take no pains at all to preserve and garner the golden harvest which is open to us in the tourist traffic, we shall be set down as hopelessly incompentent in prac- ticaI affairs. If our visitors are bored or cheated. if they are allowed to go away in ignorance of rest views. the finest scenery, if they do not find the facilities that they have a right to expect, the damning rumor will spread abroad that Ireland is pretty, of course, but so dirty and uncomfort- able" Not only will our tourist stream dry up, but every Irish product, from lace to butter. will have to fight against that vague, intangible preju- dice against Irish goods and Irish me thods as being dirty and unbusiness-
 Ike.-Weekly Irish Times
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
PROTEST OF NEW ZEALAND
land of Radical Legislation Objects Because It's Premier Has 40
 cepted a Baronetey.

We have. as a nation. been inclined to look on the New zeaIanders as a queer lot. But at last, though we have hardly been able to understand their government of strongly socialis- tic tendencies. we are able to under stand one protest they are raising. Joseph Ward is the premier of the country. When Dick Seddon was run ming a pub" and working In the mines in the north island. and Hall Jones was carpenter, Joe Ward-if our memory does not fail us-was working as a telegraph operator some where around Christ church or Dune din.
 Then came that revolution, which followed the greaL maritime strike al- most twenty years ago. with the re- suit that the old Tory party of land monopolists was thrown out bodily, and the butcher, baker and candle stick maker moved into the old rattle trap frame parliament building at Wellington to run Gbe country. With plain. burly old Dick Seddon and old Scotch farmer John Mckenzie at the head of the machinery. New Zealand started In on the most radical legis- lation that the world has seen for a long time. It was we'll suited to New Zealand and New Zealand was well suited to it and though there have been great failures at certain times and points. the sum total has been good.
 In the meantime the character of the New Zealand people has changed People who. when they were landless and homeless. were radical enough. are out-and-out Conservatives now and are ready to denounce any rad ical legislation that will affect their acres or holdings. Likewise have the butcher. baker and candlestick maker changed. Dick Seddon died true to his start-a rough miner-but Ward soon blossomed out as Joseph Ward. and then. four years ago. he was knighted. Sir Joseph and Lady Ward did not. however. sit well with the New Zealancers At the recent colo nial conference Sir Joseph accepted a baronetcy. This was just beyond the limit for democratic New Zealand for now the title Sir became heredi- tary. New Zealand has kicked out a hereditary land monopoly and now 1t is up in arms against a hereditary aristocracy- According to the dis patches Sir Joseph's political sun is sinking. New Zealand prefers to ac- cept Gladstone and Seddon. who re- fused such honors. as her examples.
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
Rlrd chokes a Horse.

While in pasture a horse owned by George Miller, a farmer of Seymour Conn.,, was choked to death by a swal low, says the New York Herald. The bird, in blind flash. swept into the animals mouth, momentarily opened for an apple on an overhanging branch. The horse tore franticaIly about for several minutes, vaulted c fence, and was dead when reached by William Owens, a farm hand, who wit messed the incident The bird, also dead, was found wedged in the horses windpipe.
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
Wages of Sin.

Bert Somers, lively 4-year-old, is a great pet of the young lady next door and spends a good deal of his time with her. One morning he had not made his usual early call. and Miss Sallie went in by the back way, just before noon, to learn the reason. There was no one about. so she called:
 Bert. Bert, where are you?"
 Here" answered a shrill voice from upstairs, and Miss Sallie. ascend Ing. found her young friend. nightie on, in bed.
 My, my!" she exclaimed. what are you doing in bed this time O day? In for nap?"
 Nav! In fer Woman's Home Companion.
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
IneIann.a MInera1a-

Besides gold and copper, silver has also been discovered in Iceland by a French engineer. The mines are sit uated in the mountain of Ingolfsfjall, in the environs of Oelfus, South Ice land. The mountain belongs to some farmers, and an engineer, on behalf of a French company, has purchased the right of digging. English com panies have now rented certain Ice landic districts where gold mines were discovered.
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
The Obvious Remedy.

shown through the historical cathe- dral of an English village. Every stone in the floor was graved with the name of the almost forgotten hero or saint whose body rested beneath 1t.
 Aye, sir" the verger assured the visitor, "a sight O folks sleeps atween the walls O this old church"
 "Then why" asked the Yankee. ab- sently, don't you people get an up- to-date preacher?"
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
HENCE Been the tres In
SH55

Many in business ane profeerh as social life are due f- bk talking. A young man .l htly very moderate ability ] .ently astonished his fellow by his noticeable sue cess fr 8. Pure luck" it has been caI|.r fIt policy or natural habit of q the real cause.
 In his ltion he succeeded a man of ld1 .afience5 and excellent judgment. 1nHstance that rlade his youth aI 0Iperience coDspicu- ous by conlra fe made no apolo- gies and asked stI.t advice, He was courteous to his sferiors, considerate of his business InI.r|ors. but absolute ly deaf to all me tip and irrespon- sible talk so pfcVaIen ia every large business office.
 He had held bis ros|t'sn for year; gossip had 1t thal he tad failed. for in that time he bad tct suggested a single innovation or eu|1Ised his de- partment in any way Bui soon 1t be- came known that ha had prpposed a change that would result Ir an annual saving of $2.00O. Gradually niR step became firmer, his manner more as- sured. and he no longer outstayed the janitor at night Slowly but surely he gained the confidence of the general manager and the heads of other de partments, and 1t soon became their habit to come to him for advice. At the end of five years. when his former associates were wondering if they could afford to get married, he was ad- mitted to membership in the firm.
 In every establishment where number of persons is employed there is always an undercurrent of gossip A dissatisfied stenographer talks her troubles over with bookkeeper. The bookkeeper confides to the telephone operator that he expects to get an in- crease in salary. The elevator boy ex- plains that he is going to leave soon for a better job. These bits of news are exchanged until they become com mon property
 The employer, learning that the ste nographer is dissatisfied. tells her that she may leave at her pleasure The bookkeeper fails to get his increase in salary and the elevator boy does not get his new job" Especially if you are dissatisfied should you refrain from discussing your position Youths Companion.
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
ORIGIN AND MEANING OF NAMES.

Susan is Hebrew, a Lily.
 Guy is French. the Leader. Alma is Latin. the Kindly. Margaret is Greek, Pearl. Rachel is Hebrew, the Lamb. Edwin Is Saxon, the Conquek Paul is Latin. the Small One. Clara Is Latin, the Bright One. Lionel is Latin, is a Little Lion Jacob is Hebrew. the Supplanter. Hugh Is Dutch. the Lofty Man. Gilbert is Saxon, Bright as Gold. Ernest is Greek. the Serious One. Martin is Latin. the Martial One. Lucius Is Latin, the Shining One. Eunice is Greek, the Fair Victory. Florence is Latin. the Blooming One. Sophia Is Greek and means Wisdom. Sarah. Hebrew name. means Prin- cess.
 Peter is of Latin origin. the Rock. Leonard, German name. is Lionlike. Arabella is Latin. the Beautiful Al tar.
 Rossmund is Saxon. the Rose of Peace.
 OdSSdIS Latin Hdues medAs HdlIy Man.
 Agatha is Greek name. the Good One.
 Isaac. a Hebrew name. means Laughter.
 Oliver. is of Roman origin. an Olive Tree.
 Lucy is the feminine of the Latin Lucius.
 Edith and Editha are Saxon, Hap piness.
 Douglass is Gaelic. signifying Dark Gray.
 Daniel Is Hebrew. meaning God is Judge.
 James is of Hebrew origin. the Be guiler
 Ruth is Hebrew and means beauty
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
Judicial Advice

q hope you won't be hard on me, judge he said. You see. I was un- der the influence of liquor when I done it''
 You seem to have been under the influence of something equally bad when you studied grammar. During the spare moments that you are going to have. permit yourself to indulge in Iudicious study of the construction of simple sentences. Here is the one to begin with-sixty days"
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
THE COFFEE.

The other morning at the breakfasl table MT. Skillings. who was in high ly self-satisfied mood. remarked to his wife:
 What if I were one of those hus- bands, my dear. who get up cross in the morning. bang things round. and kick because the coffee is cold?"
 why" responded Mrs. Skillings, sweetly, 'I should make 1t hot for Vou-"@Youth's Companion.
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
PARkER,s PUN.

Louis N. Parker. the playwright. has a ready wit, as was demonstrated at a supper party the other night at the St. Regis.
 MT. Parker's neighbor. a famous act ress, nodded toward a pretty girl at the next table and said:
 Don't you think she's awfully young to wear such decollete gown?"
 Well" said MT Parker. 'she cer tainly Is a stripling."
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
They Were.

Little Elsie came into the kitchen with some eggs in a basket Man ma." she said. "our hens are getting awfully absent-minded.
 Why dear. what makes you think so?" asked her mother.
 Look here," said the little girl, holding up a soft-shelled egg, "this makes the third one this week that they forgot to put a shell on.''--Judge
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
Misplaced Enthusiasm.

"Gwendoline certainly does mis- place her terms of admiration. What do you think she said when the pro lessor asked her what she thought of the trained feas?"
 "she told him they were great"
 ''Yes. and when we all went to sec the hippopotamus at the circus sha said he was cute"
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29

She-Before you go. haven't you Q word to say in praise of the little lunch prepared for you with my own hands?
 He-Why-er-yes. The cucumberS were excellent
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
He wasn,t Frank.

He told me he had never loved before"
 "Oh. well. you mustn't count one or two times"
 q wouldn't. But l find that last winter he loved practically an entire seminary"
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
rheIr FIrst Taste.

Sbo-Poor Cousin Jack! And to be eaten by those wretched cannibalsl
 He-Yes. my dear child; but he gave them their first taste in reIigionl London ODiDinr
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
Diplomacy.

Just one word of advice. son. be- fore you go out into the world"
 'Yes, dad"
 Always be kind to Democrats. They have their turn once in while"
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
Possesses AII the vIrtues.

A muscular maiden. Mdlle MaIlery, a few days ago received the Rosiere's prize at Vinay. near Grenoble. France A ''Rosiere" is a maiden possessed of all the virtues. on whoms on that ac- count, a dowry is bestowed either by the mayor and cor1tfnIion of her na- tive place or by sona banevoIent don. or. There are Inrrcerahle Rosieres annually in Frant1 a|nost one for every hamlet: t dlle. Mallery stands out from .1t tf She is not only virtuous. buI a0ns She Is six feet tall, and shs easily juggle with weights of o1 ot two hundred pounds. Her fea|a 1I strength are many. One day ono of her fathers farm hands drove up with sacks of wheat One of them was too heavy for him, and be asked for help. MdlIe. Mallery smiled, and brushed him aside. She lifted the sack, weighing over 220 pounds-as if 1t were feath- CT, shouldered 1t. and carried 1t into the granary.
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
Idle Like the Dead.

Jeremy Taylor writes that ''an idle person Is the same as a dead person; both ere merely passing the time"
The Holbrook news., 1911-12-29
.z ZY2CAk Ne1oaAuSzW coz,sEyAExxNEE <gzeE -sss
[k3
.N16ss

YER a section of northern Af- rica, where the legions of i'm
 perial Rome once held sway and where various races and
 civilizations have contended
Semi-weekly herald., 1911-08-14

ere expected to emerge from the con-
ference and committee. The free list
bill and wool tariff bill are in the
hands of Senator LaFollette and Rep
, resentative Underwood. tho former
representing the Republican r-ogres-
sives in the senate, the latter II the
Democratic center Of the house. Both
senate and house leaders express con-
fidence that an agreement will be
reached on both the wool and the free
list bills. The wool bill as passed by
the senate makes an average cut Of
from 81 per cent ad valoran to 1924
per cent, a reduction of % 1-2 per
cent from the average under the pres
cnt law, but this will be changed in
the conference. The free list bill
places on the free list agricultural
implements, cotton, bagging, leather,
boots, shoes, flour, lumber, salt, etc.
The cotton bill makes an average cut
of 21 per cent nd valorem.
Semi-weekly herald., 1911-08-14
Western Press.

Western Press.
GOLDEN, Cello, Aug. 1O.-Five
Italians are under arrest in connection
with the murder Of Mrs. Marie La
guardia whose body was found in n
gulch east of Golden last Frilay.
Mrs. Angelina Garramone, who is
serving sentence Of eight years for
forgery at Canon City, is charged with
the murder of Mrs. Laguardia, in an
information filed against her, and Sal
vatore De Jiccola, for whom the po-
lice are looking, is also charged with
being an accessory to the crime. Those
under arrest are: Clementa Cellanti,
widower of Mrs. Labata Cellanti, who
was murdered last September. Con-
cetta Forgioni, business associate of
Mrs. Garramone, and Stella Forgioni,
her 19-year-old daughter. Luigi Gar
ramone, husband of Mrs. Garramone,
and Finabillo Barramone, son of Mrs.
Garramone.
There is so much Of intrigue, plot
and counter plot, in the case that
Deputy District Attorney Johnson Of
Wheatridge, who is investigating the
death of Mrs. Laguardia, is doubtful
whether he will be able to secure con-
viction against any Of them under ar
rest if they are brought to trial.
Semi-weekly herald., 1911-08-14
WOODMAN CflEBRA-
TON A SUCCESS

The Woodmen celebration is off in
great shape. The transient people in
the city show an increase of many
hundred attracted here by the festivi-
ties. Telluride, Norwood, Dolores, La
Plata, Cortez, Mancos, Bayfield,, Ig-
nacio, Aztec and Pennington have
large delegations present.
The banquet and initiation services
at Woodman hall last night proved
to be a most enjoyable affair. The
head camp Of the order took cogniz-
ance Of the event by sending a per-
scnal representative, Attorney Carr
to participate.
This morning the street was lined
with spectators to witness the pa
rade, which was made up Of Wood
men, and going TO be Woodmen when
they grow up. The Durango band
at the head furnished excellent music.
Immediately after the parade the
program Of sports was carried out
which resulted as follows:
Double Handed Log Saving Contest
Won by J. N. Martin and Csores
Semi-weekly herald., 1911-08-14
rgLEeRAPHIc NEWS.
Western Press.

Western Press.
LONDON, Aug. 10.-At meeting
of the dock strikers here, Benjamin
Tillet, their chief, announced that or
ders had been issued calling out ev-
cry man of the port of London.
This new order will increase the
number of men on strike to 10000.
Tillet said if the government called
out the troops to suppress rioting the
dock men would kill the government
as effectually as they intended to par
alyze the trade of the port of London.
The neighborhood of the docks is
practically under mob rule today, with
the result there is such dwindling
of food supplies that the metropolis
has experienced something akin to
what might happen if a hostile foreign
force should succeed interrupting the
Britain's trade routes. Unless good
progress is made today in the me-
gotiations looking to settlement of
the strike of the dock workers, the
calling out of the troops seem in
evitable as the police are unable to
deal with the emergency.
1t is the intention of the strikers
tc tie up all street traffic unless their
demands are conceded to within few
hours. Should they be successful,
London will be perilously near an ac-
tual famine condition.
Semi-weekly herald., 1911-08-14
FARMINGToN NEWS OF THE DAY

FARMINGToN, Aug. 1.-THE pc
riod of carload shipments of fruit
has reached Pennington, and today
the John Ritzman company are send
ing one solid car to Waco, Tex. in
addition something near one car of
local fruit shipments go out daily
to points in Colorado and Arizona.
Pennington now boasts of a sta
tionary steam whistle attached to n
local manufacturing plant, and some
wag put it in the papers that the
only use found for it was the engi-
noer raised steam every morning, then
blew the whistle to wake himself up
at g. He is dirty slanderer. Every
one of our five thousand Christian cit
izens shrek denial en- masse. Above
all else we boast of being proud,
noisy and millitantly progressive peo-
pie. The greater the noise the better
it pleases us. Some envious degener-
ate has even killed off the cenine
population, and what are we to do for
soothing sounds to sleep by nights.
Next to statehood we love our steam
whistle. While towns and cities of
the effete east are fighting the "noise
and smoke nuisance" Pennington
clings to her inalienable right to split
the air day and night with all the
noise producing devices in the cata-
logue. II all else must go pray leave
us our noise.
Agent Shelton of Shiprock spent a
couple Of days here, returning home
yesterday.
Some twenty or more of Farming
toms young men are now attending
upon Judge Bounds court, and they
do say that some depart wearing
crepe. Gaming" is the usual charge
1--WE will appear, appeal and then ap-
peal-clear on up to the kings bench
if necessary" say some of the boys
who have come to grief.
Freighting from Pennington to the
west and south is heavy of late.
No new information has come from
the late oil excitement at Seven Lakes
ninety miles south of here.
Semi-weekly herald., 1911-08-14
SECRETARY FISHERS ADDRESS.

The address delivered by Secretary
Fisher of the department of the in
terror showed him to be clear speak
er, man of ability, earnestly desirous
Of doing what he thinks is for the
best interests of the people.
1t was n pleasing address in the
manner in which it was delivered and
in most of the views expressed. There
was a certain amusing adroitness also
in the way in which he brought his
hearers face to face with some of the
difficulties which accompany the de-
cision of questions coming before him.
He showed how when both sides of
controversy have presented their
views it may be difficult to decide
which is right.
1t is fortunate when the head Of
one of the departments Of the fed
eral government is willing to hear
both sides and to decide according to
what may seem at last to be the right
of the matter.
Secretary Fisher expressed senti-
mcnts entirely in accord with western
views when he declared himself to be
in favor of the development Of the
country and its settlement. On these
points there was not the slightest OBJ
lection to be taken to what he said.
OF course, however, it is in one sense
no more than every man would ap-
plaud, to say that he is in favor of
settlement and development. Nobody
is opposed to either. Mr.. Fisher SEEM
ed, however, to recognize the import
ance of doing something worth while
to promote settlement and develop
ment and to that extent what he said
was distinctly encouraging; for when
man recognizes that settlement and
development are the prime considera-
tions, it may be said of him that he
is at least faced in the right direc-
tion.
One remark made by him calls for
special notice and that was the decla-
ration that the collection Of revenue
Tor the federal government should not
be controlling factor in conservation.
In this also he faced in the right di-
rection.
What was more questionable was
the indication-not definitely express
ed-that in his opinion the federal
government should control the devel-
opment of natural resources. In this
he conflicts with western sentiment;
and If he were to attempt to apply
that theory to the eastern states he
would find himself just as much in
conflict with eastern sentiment. The
American doctrine is good one to
adhere to--the doctrine that the peo-
pie are capable of self-government
and that matters of this kind should
be left to them for solution.-Repub-
lican.