The Whitefish pilot. [volume] (Whitefish, Mont.) 1904-current, 1911-04-27
A Lazy Man S
Scheme
By M. QUAD
By M. QUAD
Copyright. 1910, by Associated Lit
erary Press.

Jonathan Strong was the village
cooper of Ellenville-that is, when he
had an order and was not too lazy he
constructed barrel or firkin. He
was fat, good natured and utterly
without ambition. AS in most such
cases, the wife earned most of the
support. Jonathan had reached his
forty-fifth year and wasn't worrying at
all as to how the future wears were
going with him when a stranger en-
tered his shop one day and found him
chewing at n shaving. The stranger
introduced himself as Brown. He was
the homeliest man in the village.
Brown said:
"Mebbe you want a job that will pay
you good money!
1t was all of two minutes before
Jonathan asked If there was any hard
work connected with it.
Not Bit was the answer. "You
are simply to travel around with me.
You'll be my secretary and take down
names and dates. That will be all for
the present. Twenty dollars a week
and expenses, and you are to keep
your mouth shut. Can you start in to-
morrow"
He said he would try it for a week
anyhow. After another talk with
Brown it was settled that way, and
then the latter said:
I'VE will now take a walk around
the village together. Here is a note
book and pencil, and your duties as
secretary begin at once. l shall talk
to people in way, and they will have
something to say in return. Write it
down. Write down the names Of any
other persons overhearing the remarks.
Be sure Of your figures"
Jonathan and Brown walked to the
postoitice. There was quite crowd
hanging around the place. 1t was soon
understood that the stranger was deaf
and dumb, and Mr.. Johnston, the mer-
chant, remarked in the hearing Of
three or four others:
well, of all the man-gorillas ever
heard tell Of this fellow takes the cake!
Jonathan. where did you pick him
up?"
''Oh. he's purity smart feller," was
tn. reply.
"Smart!" echoed the grocer "Why,
you have only to lock at him to see
that he's born fool. 1t ought to be
against the law for such critters to be
1T targe.'
Then the other dry goods man had
STIRRING remark to make, and the rail-
road agent had something to say, and
Browns secretary filled three pages of
his notebook with good evidence. Be-
fore the day was over he had twelve
ErcWn. He was called all sorts of
IA 1,e'. and when he appeared to ask
questions }u the deaf and dumb lam
guaee he was almost hooted at.
Tee ues>t day the pair started off in
horse and buggy and did not return
until the had visited every village in
twc courties.
Ey aId by that notebook was full Of
lne'Eorar ia to the last page and then
there va, return to Ellenville. There
IVES but one lawyer in the plare. 1t
was atte"wnrd remembered ttut he
mad neyec said aught against Frown.
He baG listened to others, but had said
nothing s,imSelf. When he and Brown
nNd than drove over to the county
seat town in company one day nothing
strange was thought of it. but n sur
Ersse party was on hand. Within e
couple CT Gays all the constables in the
cOinfT We're serving summonses on
people who had slandered Brown.
When ellen county was finished the
constat les in Rockaway county took
up the work. The number of Summons
served in both counties was 3GS. Each
one was for defamation of character
ano asked for $4,000 damages. The
recipients Of these legal papers greet
ca their service with laughter, but the
laughing did not last tong. Those who
engaged lawyers and started In to fight
the matter were confronted with dates,
lafutS and expressions used and had
To aetmlf they were correct. When they
had done this they had no defense, and
iii each and every case were advised
II settle.
Ihora are always clients who will!
pay lawyers fees and then take their
own way. A few Of the victims band
ca together and resisted the suits.
Then 1T came out that Brown had been
referred to as fool, a dummy, an
idiot. hedge fence, a gorilla, mon
key, skunk, lunatic, a what is-it, a.
coon. freak and some forty other
names. ana those who had refused him
food and shelter because he was not
pretty to look upon found ruin staring
them In the face. The verdict on the
contested suits was for the plaintiff,
with heavy damages, and the others
fell over themselves to settle.
Brown and Jonathan We're not too
hard hearted. No extortion was prac-
tic"d, but ut the end of six months,
when the last case had been settled,
there was a goodly pot of money.
Jonathan received his salary and a