Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-07-04
THIS HORSE A B|PEDG0OD FOR SPEECHES
He Walks on Two Legs as He Republican Campaign Orators
Pulls Grocers Cart. to Laud Administration.
MOREOVER. HE CAN TALK WORK FOR FARMERS GOOD
Lots Of Other Things That Accomplishments OF Department OF
Only Men Can Do. Agriculture to Be Fayorite Theme
BUT ALAS HE RUNS AWAY EFFORTS IN SPECIAL LINES
Saving Made to Tlers the
Resulting in Soil by Stamping Out Dis
OF Eggs and Pests
He Walks on Two Legs as He
Pulls Grocer'S Cart.
MOREOVER, HE CAN TALK
Does Lots Of Other Things That
Only Men Can Do.
BUT. ALAS, HE RUNS AWAY
Tells Inquirer He SHED at Piece Of
Paper, Resulting in
Smash of Eggs.

0ma6n OF Eggs.
most remarkable grocers clerk has
been furnishing amusement for the Car
amel family. which makes its home on
one of those streets in the Greater Mount
Pleasant. a street which bears no definite
relation to any other street in the city.
but on which dwell several quite-wel
citizens association orators.
Now the Carameis are folks who take
with extreme seriousness. Not
a day goes by that is not bristIing with in
cidents. From the failure of the cuckoo
clock to perform down to the discov
cry of potato bug on the nasturtiums.
or from the suspicion that ants are in the
pantry up to the climax Of a days wash
ing. wherein the youngest Caramel tried
to roll his hand through the rubber man.
gle. the days of the Caramels are COM
plete In excitement. Father Caramel
comes home nightly to be shot in the
chest with a succession of new bulletins
fired with vehemence from the lips Of all
the Caramels. of which there are many.
Knew Habits Of Cuckoo.
Young U. S Grant Caramel is the nat
uralist OF the family. He earned that
title in school. not long ago, when he
gave his first and only answer OF the
entire year.
said the teacher, 1.-The eagle flies to his
nest upon q high crag or tree. but what
little boy can tell me where the cuckoo
lives?'
I'm a clock beloved young U. S. Grant
Caramel, who for the first time compre-
hot al tfav, hou Ath tv,rv 40
do with daily life. 1t was this modern
Audubon who first saw the remarkable
srocer's clerk. or the remarkable clerk
of the grocer. as the French exercise
book would put It,
He fell all the way upstairs. to tell his
mother. Failing downstairs is the ordi-
nary method. but the Caramels are mar
wells. They can fall upstairs, despite the
law OF gravity.
Knocked Him Down Again.
'M-m-m- m-m-m-m- otherr' he shrieked.
and mother. Recognizing the excited frenzy
of a novel situation, ran to the head OF
the stairs and knocked L. g. Grant Cara
mel all the way down again. All the
other Caramels ran to see what the new
sensation might be.
Sure enough The grocer man, whose
name is Johannes X. Phipps. was coming
down the street in the shalves Of thing
that looked like a pony cart. In reality
it is an improvised delivery cart which
man or a boy can drag around with
him. Such carts are common in some
parts of Europe, Asia Minor. the colder
regions Of Tibet and In the prickly pear
district of Arizona. according to Cleo De
Merode Caramel, who Is a shark on folk
lore: But to the Caramels the sight was
The man Is a horse" exclaimed Mrs
Caramel.
THE grocer is SO poor he had to sell
his horse didn't he" shrieked U. 8
Grant Caramel.
And he's hired a man to get In the
harness"
Does he have to pay him."
II wonder if he eats oats?"
These and many more calculations were
hurtled outward through the screen door
Of the Caramels.
Changed to Q Boy.
Meantime the remarkable clerk of the
grocer solemnly stopped. and, casting
aside the role of the equine. assumed the
part Of a delivery boy, and took oatmeal,
berries, washing soda and a pound OF
butter into the Caramel kitchen. while
the combined Caramels gazed upon this
wonder in silence. The curiosity Of the
Caramels had to break through at the
weakest point, and L. S. Grant Caramel
finally asked the question all were dy-
ing to have answered:
''Why are you a horse?"
The grocer man looked blankly for a
moment and then 1t dawned on him. So
he answered:
why, you see, ! was out OF job. and
I hired out as horse. because the
regular horse was on a vacation
You can imagine the combined Cara
AZ AkH4,, roR al vr-ffH
that piece of news that evening.
Thereafter for several days the entire
family Of young Caramels met the grocer
clerk in his shalves a block up the
street and followed him with silent re-
spect down the street for two blocks. the
boundaries beyond which they dare not
tread They watched him as he said
'-Cluck. cluck'' and whoa" They saw
him stumble once and marveled at the
exhibition Of dual personality
where you stumblin' there. you old
rack O. bcnes?"
Not Good Driver.
This query was answered by the equine
side of the partnership in a soft, pitiful
whinny. which reminded Cleo de Me-
rode Caramel of some of the scenes
from BLACK Beauty" Johannes X.
Phipps was a great hand at bringing in
the local color SO one day he topped his
stable performance by throwing a pair
OF reins over his shoulder and sticking a
whip in among the groceries. That touch
of art was not lost upon the aenaihtlities
Of the Caramels. II they bad any doubts
before about the genuineness OF tho story
there were none left after that.
Say remarked Phipps as Phipps.
and not as q horse. zone O. you fellers
get in there and drive me back to the
store. and If get to laggin' jes' gimme
a soak on tn TANKS"
L. s. Grant essayed the task. but at
the first flourish Of the whip, Ihtpps. as
a horse and not as Phipps. kicked over
the traces and nearly dumped u. s.
Grant, who broke into roars OF fear and
a tumult Of tears. clambering out Of the
cart with great speed.
Bathed In Liquid Eggs.
The climax came yesterday. Phipps
loaded his wagon with an abundance of
eggs, and drove himself down the street.
He turned into an alley. Somehow. in
some marvellous. unexplainabie way he
came to his senses at the bottom OF an
areaway. with the wagon on his head
There were streams of eggs running upon
his clothing in every. direction. There
was coffee mixed In bis hair, and sugar
and starch sprinkled on him.
u s. Grant Caramel discovered him,
and let 1t be understood that It was the
most thrilling moment of that young life
to see Johannes X. Phipps crowned with
broken eggs. The young Caramel gazed
at Phipps. and Phipps, out of his un-
egged eye, returned the gaze calmly.
ssWhat done TT? BY the form Of the
question one knows instinctvely 1t was
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