davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1911-10-04

cold
DR. Wiley in Wahinon, is the watch dog O American
ice box Belle and accordn to the all this investigation
you've readin nohn the
him the SOS they could glue the tailor
made and red the half choked Franurter
and with It.
DR.. Wiley Hates Deception
You Belle there's anything Dr. Wiley can't stand it's
blongs
instead the inside o the genra public. Why it's nohn
for him order whole trainload candy dumped the river
because half of really candy the other half
Comparatively harmless combination O varnish
If they'd with like and admit
just what kind buldin materials inside Dr. Wiley might
let public
deceived, that's all there is
It's wonder he has the food poisners scared Evy
of pour barrel gasoline shipment
Chill he's stiff fear Wles agents may
be pekin through the window They're afraid
bottled spring water the required dash spice by addn
equal proportions O bay spirits
But the plot fire him has failed Belle just like reg1ar
plot and President Taft has patted him the back
handled and the
public go sleep knowledge they wake up
breakfast there egg
passed its fourth birthday
The Washington times., 1911-10-04

ter about her husband and she had
discussed the book that very morning
and made up their minds to buy a
copy at the first opportunity.
its not much trouble to get Gus
toners label, II you go about It right.
and 'as I handed her the book and ths
change I found out that her name wes
Smuddgit, and that hubby shaved away
the working hours in an office In the
Horseshoe building. In half an hour
I was talking to hubby and in one
minute more he had assured me that
he and his wife, ETC., and bought anu
paid for a copy. Just then the tele-
phone rang, and as was stepping out
the door I heard him say, This you.
wifey7'
I skipped . little faster, but hadn't
more than reached the corner when
one OF the clerks overhauled me. The
boss wants to see you about some
thing" he says. "Oh." I tells him. Il
know. He wants to buy one Of these
books. but I've got to catch boat.
Suppose you buy It for him and he'll
give you back the money" Did I sell
the third copy TO the Smuddgit family :
I did.
The Washington times., 1911-10-04

was studying my Joggr1fy lessin
last mite, and I sed TO pop. Pop, watts
the diffrince betwean a peninsler and
q cape, I han TO no for my joggriffy
lessin.
I'm trying to find the difrrince be-
twean a sertin base bawl TEEN and a
buntch Of boobs Jest now. sed pop.
That's a CRATE way to anser the boy,
! must say, sed ma, how Is he evir
going to learn II his own parints re-
fuse to anser his inersint kwestshuns.
Brave o. sed pop. wy don't you put
the child wise, so to speak In the
langwidge of the low brow.
The Kwestshun?
will, sed ma, wat Is 1t you wunt
TO no, Sammy deer.
Watts the diffrince betwean penin-
sler and a cape, 1 sed, 1 han to no for
my joggriffy lessin.
Well, then Ill tell you. sed ma, and
II you wunt to no snything else about
yure lessins Jest ask me and Ill tell
you evrything you wunt to no.
Awl rite. sed. tell me-
Wat is It now ma sed, and sed. Wat
IL the difrrtnce betwean a peninsler and
. cape.
Well, sed ma, you see a peninsler
sticks out into the wattir. and cape,
she sed. a cape Is part way out into
the wattir.
lest like a peninsler, I sed.
Yes. I meen no, sed ma, Of korse not.
How Good they be Jest alike wen thares
a diffrtnce betwean them. Dident you
ask me to tell you the dinr1nce De-
twean them, she sed-
vas. 7 cod hut II they both stick out
,nto the watttr watts the diffrince beeing
a peninsler or beeing q cape.
Haha, sed pop, the boys rite. Yure
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

| ing. Judge and the Judge took ad-
vantage Of the law and sent the
youngster. who is now half a CEN
tury old. away for the winter. Well,
he'll get three squares, anyway, and
that'll be better than what he was
pulling on the great white way. But
when you think of a dandy little prize
fighter like that begging for pennies
1t Just goes to show what the Ameri-
can public does to an idol Why, I
can remember when the mobs used
to come down in their evening
clothes to see him box, and according
to the trailers he was the best little
sport that never was. At least they
used to tell him so, and while there
were not as many white lights as
there are now there were plenty of
places whore he could put his coin in
circulation without being questioned.
But 1t was the gong for him when
one Of the traffic squad caught him
panhandling, and he went up against
the real thing when he met the Judge.
All the latter had to do was to step
out Of his corner, and Young Critic
took the count.
It's a Losing Game
This white light thing Ii a losing
game anyway you play II. It don't
make any difference whether you are q
prize fighter or a bank president, It'll
get you in the end. But am sorry
that the youngster didn't get into the
fight game at the present day"
What difference would that have
madeT' asked the 8. g. Y.
Well" drawled the g. D. K, "he
probably wouldn't have fought 30 well,
and he might have annexed a good
manager who would have put him on
the stage and showed him how to save
money The present day fighters seem
to have somebody teaching them how to
talk and save their kale.''
The Washington times., 1911-10-04

peculiar smacking sound as her hand,
after leaving her mouth, brought some
thing in violent contact with the back
of the sofa.
TT Is my one dissipation" she fall
tered. "I don't see how I can give 1t
up, but yet--if you"
II do! dor' he said. ''It must never
rccur again. 1t would break my moth
er's heart II she learned that I was
engaged to a girl who chewed gum. The
next time II happens I fear that all
viii be over between us."
The discovery had unnerved him. al
though he was brave enough in her
presence. Once outside on the front
steps. alone, his knees shook and he
mopped his streaming forehead with
his handkerchief.
"Jove!" he muttered. as he drew forth
q plug of tobacco and BIT of q corner
OF It. what II hadn't discovered It
until II was too late"' ..-.-
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
Had Hopes

A lady. was one day approached ~
her Sco1eh maid with the Information
that she was about to leave.
What is the cause of this sudden
decision, Hary7"
Indeed I'll be a-marryin'"
Indeed! And whom, may / ask?"
THE man that sits acr9ss in the
kirk o. Sundays"
But what Is his name?"
II dinna ken"
what! You're surely not engaged
to q man whose name you do not
know
Not engaged, my lady, but he's
been lang lookin' at me, an think
he'll soon be speakin.."
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
He Wondered Why.

Miss Fullosoul (of a poetical turn)-
Which are you of opinion one should
say, professor-"summer flies. or sum-
mer fiees?"
Absent-minded Professor (great on en-
tomology)-The two species, my dear
young lady, are entirely distinct. Now
the common house fly" (Then he
wondered why she suddenly opened a
conversation with the young man on
her rfght.)-The Sphere.
The Washington times., 1911-10-04

1T was kinda tough about Young
! Critic, wasn't itC" asked the stage
struck youth. who wanted to make con-
versation.
Yep" said the stage doorkeeper,
without looking up from the sporting
page. IT was sorry to hear about him
the same way always feel sadness
creepin' over me when anybody hits
the toboggan.
Good Morning, Judge
"Of course he wasn't in the theatrical
game, but l watched his career with a
great deal of interest. and 1t seems
hard to think that the guy who fought
Jack McAuliffe and made enough mon
ey to buy grape by the case had to be
sent away.
TT was another case Of Good morn
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
Bad MarkSmen.

A certain Yankee was touring through
Devonshire, and, calling at an inn, he
ordered some of the famous cider. Not
finding 1t to be what he had expected,
he inquired how 1t was made.
oh" said the publican, I'VE stood
barrel of water at one end of a room
and threw apples at it, This caused
general laugh, but the Yankee was
equal to the occasion.
WAL" he said, II guess you didn't
hit It very often."-Ideas.
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
Aid To AViatOrS.

Hubert Latham, the Antoinette flyer,
was talking at tea to a pretty Cali
fornia girl.
Mr.. Latham" said the girl. as she
took her nineteenth walnut-and-lettuce
sandwich, tell me, does flying require
any particular application"
We'll, no, none in particular" Mr..
Latham answered. "Arnica or horse
liniment-one's as good as another
San Francisco Chronicle
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
Grains of Humor
For Late Planting
ENGLISH .DKE FOR TODAY

The telegram as dispatched:
DO you want Black Toy Pom7 Can
buy cheap"
The same as delivered:
do you want Black Boy Tomf
Can buy cheap"
Oh, for another Harriet Beecher
Stowe-Punch
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
Getting Back.

Gee, nor exclaimed the pretty cash
girl. II don't want nothin' to do with
you. wouldn't marry you II you was
the last man on earth. Is that plain
enough English for you:"
1T IL certainly plain enough" said the
mortified bookkeepei. but It isn't Eng
hsh. h."--Chicago Tribune.
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
A Homely Sitter.

'I don't know what to do about this
portrait" said the artist.
Can't you get the likeness?"
"Oh, yes. But. I'm doubtful about
how far to go. If don't make II look
like him the critics will roast It, and II
do he'll refuse to pay. for it."-Ex-
change.
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
Maturity.

'I wonder what becomes of the little
girls who dig up the seeds they plant
to see II they are growing"
They become Nlittle women and keep
opening the refrigerator to see II there
Is any Ice left ft'-Buffalo Express.
The Washington times., 1911-10-04

EAREST: laughed bt-ever tendery-at
|.
n your letter this morning, for you told about
! Il calendar, where each day being checked OH,
asn you the only who had thought of that
SA - So, honey will "fess up" that have had cal
" 1F endar ever since got your letter with its glorious
I-f53\9SS what tell how days there
iS~IA\/ and how hours that makes de-
\TSN the watching for and
4 the reading and rereading Of letter for that
~ hour is happy, matter how long the others
But to tell dear, feel if had just
learned about telling time and little 7yearod Billy Alden
who taught His mother WE'LL take him for
walk each day, and sometimes he Yesterday
asked him he could tell time and he said Then pointing
watch he said The long hand playtime because fast
and the short hand school time because it slow And
you're very, very good you'll you will be
fast the second See the little the boom?
Isn't it thought? And ah dear; let us hope
the hand-slowly surely each day.
Time is More Than Money
telling dad about and he said that might add
idea the fact than that really life itself,
the planning of each day that little
have certain hour the finest lesson the world for
q learn
But he enough to add if she learns she'd
be woman
notice he always consuts mother about things
he depends awful lot socald feminine nuon
and think that underpea are all alike Now aren't you:
Don't feel that perhaps lot than but when
intangible thing tell better than you?
you don't, you ought it's the thing
Array Of Barbed Sentences
Margery coming dinner tonight which that
put of polite smiles and shield heart with
hurt by the usual of barbd
like things that hurt? I'm
can't believe that Cousin Margery could talk she
does unwitingy
dangers for in city another
tragedies that had broken off
what will be tonight But at dearest
shall think of and that's enough to offset everything else
H.
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
In Confidence

Old Friend-You should always take
your wife into your confidence. Women
appreciate that sort of thing.
De Broker-Oh, do that. That II, In
part.
Old Friend = You tell her Of your
gains and losses, I presume?
De Broker-Uh-I always tell her Of
my losses.
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
Glad OF Il

Mr.. Griscom-Say, man, last night
your Eddie thrashed my James; what
are you going to do about III
Mr.. Stingo-If It Is true, I'll have TO
give Eddie the prize I offered him.
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
Dolly's Secret; Or,
Discovered in Time

II was growing late. The man had
lighted the lamppost and departed.
Dolly" he cried. You're chewing
gum!"
She blushed guiltily. There was a
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
Our Book Agent
SAYS, Easy Money"

The intelligent lady in the big brown
stone front on the corner welcomed me
with open arms, as 1t were, so to
speak, and led OF with q line of chat
The Washington times., 1911-10-04
NJ A ME TELLS BE LIE
That In These Days of
Germs and Canned Things, -.
DIR. WILEY is VALUABLE

wv do you like your canned tomahtoes, Bell, smoth
cred in benzoate of soda just with s'spicion o
arsenic? -
tell you, Belle, it's a good thing Pres dent
Taft wouldn't let 'em fire DR.. Wiley. Even If he
does look like the mikado in citizens clothes,
he's vauble man to have around when unscrup
lous dealers are poisonin poor peoples necess-
ties o life like ice and canned lobster la Ia
Newburg. Things comm to pretty pass
when poor laborin' can't sit down to his
SQUAD teased toast without havin' an awful SEN
saton that it might be O. the two original
squads that Noah brought over, just let out o.
The Washington times., 1911-10-04

will frequently hesitate halfway to the
plate, and almost come back to be hug
ged some more.
Occasionally a pitcher who has tied
himself up in this fashion. forgets the
combination and the result is very dis
tressing. He must be taken entirely
apart and reassembled before he can
get his neck out from under his should
der blades.
There are two kinds Of pitchers-wet
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1911-05-27
CATARRH

Thousands of cases of neglected
Catarrah result in Consumption and
end in the grave.
Catarrah causes indigestion, decay
of the bones and loss of memory
and reason. Its common symptoms
are: dull headache, obstruction Of
the usual passages, discharges falling
into the throat, watery and infiamed
eyes, hacking cough, dizziness, deaf
ness, neusea, indigestion, and general
depression.
Plant Juice is a powerful remedy
and the may testimonials on our
files proves that it has conquered
the worst of cases.
Mr.. D. C. Kock, Charlotte, N. c.
writes, Il have been a sufferer OF
catarrah for a long time. The dis
ease first appeared in my head, my
nasal passages became infiamed and
the discharges gradually passed into
my stomach, impairing my digestive
organs. had no desire for food and
got all run down and nights of
restlessness would succeed days of
agony. About this time | heard of
Plant Juice, bought a bottle and
took it according to directions.
Since my health has undergone a
great change, and the relief | have
obtained convinces me that Plant
Juice is a wonderful Catarrh medi-
cine"
Plant Juice is sold for 81 bottle
at Denmark Drug Co. Try it at first
symptoms of Catarrh. Write for
Free Plant Juice Book, to F. A
Dillingham;, 831-33W. 5th St Cincin-
natl. 0.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1911-05-27

10 give them comfort remember of the brightest scho oSI one
the first hono at School Contest on account OF rye
on own Ewes burn are and congested come IN ana let me
leve you .,c - . !. ,o,s Ala tho Ptreoirm
Testimonials ExShent FOUNTAIN says ui VI; +o+
IN his ewes more GOOD in ten days with proper Glasses and his tree
en than he has Of constant suffering
Johnson of the Clark Furniture Co.. completely oVerco MS
compound agmasm pair of Cylinder and opnercl Lens us
ground ON the proper Mr. Roush r cured an cH VI
ever B Devo saws did eyes good in four days tnn ne
had had done in four week he able to resume ms
h IN comfort with a pair of Perfection Glasses. Miss Annas
Coates glasses and cured her eyes IN TWO &
She ud return 70 school and resume studies comfort after SUI
ferng from Eve Strain Nervousness and Headache Huhoeu
would testify to the same results my past three years Pctce IA
FITZGERALD endeavored all patients
ability and prices continue to DO so III the
give fair share of your patronage
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1911-05-27

The Progressive Farmer is SAID
to be, by the best judges, by far,
the best farm Journal published
in the South. That is the reason
we have selected it to club with
the Enterprise in an effort to get it
before the farmers of this county.
We believe it is worth ten times
the cost of both papers to any
farmer who has the slightest pride
in his business.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1911-05-27
SUNDAY EXCURSIONS TO THE SEASHORE
Via A. B. & A. r. Z.

Commencing Sunday May 2 and continuing and including Sep
TENDER tickets will be sold Brunswick rate of
$500 $3.50 The sale Of tickets will be
No passing Fitzgerald 600 and arriving Bruins
045 connecting with leaving Brunswick HOO m
Returning leave St Smons $50 Brunswick $50
p m. and arriving Fitzgerald at 1045 p.
Passengers desiring may remain in Brunswick until 72O
a m. Monday following. arriving Fitzgerald at 1905 P.
There nothing invigoraing than dip in the surf
DELIGHTFUL DAYS OUTING AT THE SEASHORE.
w. H. LEAHY Genl Pass Agt H. FELL, Asst Gen Pass Ag
ATLANTA. GA.
j. A. MURDOCH Ticket Agent, Fitzgerald, Ga
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1911-05-27
Whiskey And Life Insurance

The life insurance companies
have been keeping careful records
of thousands and thousands OF men
beginning years and years before you
were born, to find out just how
drinking affects a mans health and
length of life. Its their business.
YOU know. Well, they started out
before they began these records
with the idea that a man was act
ually helped by drinking some
whiskey, and in England 40 years
ago they tried to make Robert
Warren pay a higher premium be-
cause he was a teetotaler. So War
rem started society which has kept
track of thousands and thousands
of English insurance cases for over
40 years the result proving that the
death rate is over third higher for
moderate drinkers than for total
abstainers.
In other words, in any given year,
four men die among the drinkers
for every three who die among an
equal number of abstainerS. Ut
every 100 drinkers the life insurance
companies expect to die in year,
"a of the 100 die, but of every 100
expected deaths among abstainers
only II die.
Again, it has been proved that of
every 100 persons thirty years old
who drink, only A of the 100 will
live to be seventy; but if you take
100 30-year-old persons who don't
drink, SIS of the 100 will live to be
seventy. Isn't it worth something
to you (even if drinking paid in
other ways, as it Doesn't to have a
IS per cent better chance to live
out your three score and ten" as
you do by not drinking.-Raleigh
IN. c. Progressive Farmer.
CI A. E1+aror;co +o 1Yo,1r
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1911-05-27
DR.. CD. Seely O. Specials
Has practiced since 1865

Office at Pittman 4 kendrlcks Drug otore'
next to Postoffice, Fitzgerald, Ga.
Office hours-S:30 a. m. till 5 p. m. Special
Appointments for Sunday and evening.
| will correct all errors OF Re
fraction with the proper Glasses at the low
est cash prices, and diagnose and treat all oil
seases of the ewes free of charge. Bring your
children who are suffering from Eye strain,
with overstudv at School and | will be pleased
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1911-05-27

Send the Enterprise to your
friends in distant states they cost
YOU but a little more than a cent
apiece, the price of a postal card,
and every copy contains something
good about Fitzgerald and the
colony. 1t is about the best way
to advertise your town.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-02-07

man or woman and the discharge OF
this responsibility Is in direct proper
ton to the quality of the conscience
upon which it rests.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-02-07

RoSe-I had a dreadful scare the other
day while out for Il walk with WIN
~Daisy-How?
Rose-Why, VIC met the minister and
VIII asked him to join us.-Exchange.
The hues Of bliss more brightly blow,
Chastised by sabler ints Of woe.
Gray.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-02-07
IN THE RELIGIOUS WORLD
What Church Folk Are Think
ing Abont and Doing

tn. International Sunday ScloOl les
Ion for Feb. II is "Elijah'S Victory
over the Prophets of Baal." 1
Kings. IS.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-02-07

Men are used as they use o'herS-i ~
- MI $40 reyl lied .'ToSay that every
body is talking about a Young man - ~
loyy but to say that everybody - taIhlns
about Il yorny woman is ~! e;e.'. ar
Home .Iourna}d.
The evening world., 1911-12-15
HOLDS UP CORNELL MEN.
,Bandit Then shoots Car Conductor
\ and Dives Into swamp.

; ITHACA, N. Y. Dec. l5.-The police
are securing the swamps here to-day
for q man who early last evening held
up two Cornell s.udents on Cornell
Heights at the point Of ID revolver and,
after getting their money. boarded a
trolley car and shot the conductor.
James Seaman. through the arm when
he offered resistance.
The bandit ran away after firing one
shot and escaped.
The evening world., 1911-12-15
His Leg Broken In Tenth Avenue.

John Kylers. thirty-four. Of No. 3g7
East One Hundred and Twenty-ffth
street, a driver for the Borden Min
Company. was thrown from his wagon
this morning when his team took fright
Sat n locomotive IN Tenth avenue. He
was taken to the Hood Wright Hospital,
'svhere Dr. Johnson found him to have a
broken right leg.
The evening world., 1911-12-15
Letter to
DR.. Kilmer . Co.
~BlnGhamton. N. T..

Prove What Swamp-Roet win Do fos You
Send to DR.. Kilmer & Co.. Bingham
ton. MY, for q sample bottle. It will
convince anyone. You will also receive
. booklet Of valuable information, telling
oil about the kidneys and bladder. When
writing. be sure ard mention the New
York Evening World. Regular fifty
cent and One-dollar size bottles for sale
Ut all drug stores.
The evening world., 1911-12-15
RQI|00d WQCln0n Hos
Remarkable Experience

For several years I have been in the
employ Of the Erie Railroad Company.
and in their employ l was taken with
kidney trouble. l tried several doctors.
but seemed to get no results from their
treatment. / tried DR.. Kilmer's Swamp
Root. taking four bottles. which cured
me. am seventy-two years old and am
Ut present at the West Main Street cross
ing Of the Erie Dailroad in this village.
Very truly yours.
CHRISTOPHER McNALLY,
Bronson St. Avon. N. Y.
Sworn and subscribed to before me
chs the 18th day Of July. 1909.
HARRY c. FOLLETT.
Justice Of the Peace.
The Washington herald., 1911-08-02
By l.. ID. SALE.

A new conner for Speedway honors was
uncovered yesterday afternoon In the
nine-year-old chestnut trotting mare
Mistoria. Hitched to a speed wagon. and
with b. F. McCaulcy, her owner. hold
ing the reins. she came down several
times with that sterling trotter, Gentle
John, and excited much attention by her
bold and rapid way of going.
Those who did not see Dunworth and
McCauley team their mounts yesterday
afternoon missed something. All OF their
finishes were not ones right of the bat,
and, while Geers and McHenry are doubt
less mastery reinsmen in driving finishes,
the verdict of those present was that
they have nothing on Ben and Tim.
]. A. Jones was present yesterday after
noon with Louis Hedges fast gelding.
The Prince, a seasoned campaigner. A.
G. Brodt was on the Job with the beau
tiful chestnut pacing mare Kitty. as was
also William Rupert with tue hand-
some and promising trottlng mare, Baby
Cozine. The last named showed Improve
ment every time she was brought down;
The Javins brothers, with their large
string of trotters and PAGERS. were un-
avoidably detained for business reasons
from taking part In the fray.
OF all the locally owned horses none is
In finer. fettle just now than the black
trotting gelding. Gentle John. Without
boots or. toe weights, he yesterday after
noon showed himself to be q genuine
trotter by the way he came down with
the fast mare Mistoria, that is said to be
good enough right now to negotiate q
mile close TO the, e:2o mark. although II
y only . few weeks since that she was