davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Some Undertaking.,

The official undertaken of small
town was driving through the county
on one of his regular missions. A
woman came out to the gate of farm
yard and hailed him.
'I don't seem to recall your name,
madam" he said.
That's funny" she said. 1T amt
been more'n a year and half ago
since you undertook my first husband"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Her Helm.

Mrs. Penfield-"My husband has
found way by which he says am of
the greatest help to him in his liter
ary work" Mrs Hillaire-"How nice
that must be for you, my dear! But
how are you able to do it?" Mrs.
Penfield-"As soon as I see him at
his desk, go into another. room and
keep perfectly quiet until he has
finished."-Puck.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Sleepino With Children,

When it is necessary for an adult
to sleep in the same bed with young
child, the following method will be
found quite satisfactory, and insure
comfort to the adult at least. Make
the bed with three sheets instead OF
two; then have the child sleep be-
tween the middle and lower sheets,
and the adult between the middle and
upper sheets. This prevents the child
from rolling around and also holds
the sheet tightly about its shoulders
Good Housekeeping.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Evil Bound to Spread.

There is no sort of wrong deeds OF
which man can bear the punishment
alone. You cannot isolate yourself and
say that the evil that is in you shall
not spread Mems lives are as thor
oughly blended with each other as the
air they breathe Evil spreads as
necessarily as disease.-George Eliot
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
No Time for BuruIary
First Burglar-Blow Christmas.
Faithful Friend-Whaffor9

First Burglar-Why, aving a job
Cd and for Christmas Eve, tried the
Old gag-dressed myself up as Santa
Claus, SOS if l was copped l could
pretend as I'd just dressed meser up
to amuse the children.
Faithful Friend-Well, what hap
pened?
First Burglar-Why, the room
broke into was the nursery, and the
kids was all awake waitin' for Father
Christmas. An they went for me like
ole boots-sneaked every bloomin'
thing I'd got on me, even my blessed
whiskers, I'd sooner be run in thar
60 through it again.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
At the Dinner,

Last Christmas a certain minister
was invited to a big dinner st the
house of one of the leading men in
the town At the dinner table he was
placed opposite a goose.
The lady of the house was placed
on the minister's left. Seeing the
goose he remarked:
Shall I sit so close to the goose?"
Finding his words a bit equivocal,
he turned round to the lady, and said,
in a most inoffensive tone:
Excuse me, my lady; 1 meant the
roast one"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Presumably.

Plus TX was not without certain
sense of humor. One day, while sit
ting for his portrait to Healy, the
painter, speaking of monk who had
left the church and married, he OBJ
served, not without malice: He has
taken his punishment into his own
hands"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
mtnr
ann malnntH

~O%@ 5s5SzH5sB}Eg'
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Pines Not Made From the Brier

French brier pipes are not made
from the roots CT the brier, but from
the root of a white heath which at
tains a considerable size in the south
of France, where it is sedulously cul-
tivated for pipe-making purposes. The
name is derived from the French
bruyere, the dialect form of which is
briere, meaning heath.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
The Human Heart

The heart is a wonderful double pump, through the
action of which the blood stream is kept sweeping
round and round through the body at the rate of
miles an hour. Remember this, that our bodies
will not stand the strain of without good,
pure blood any than the engine run smooth
ly without oil.' After many years of study in the
active practice of medicine, Dr. R. " Pierce found
that when the stomach out of order, the blood
impure and there symptoms of general break
down. tonic made of the eycerio extra,t of certain
roota was the best corrective, This he called
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Sentimental Christians.

I believe the church should take an
active interest in the political social,
business and intellectual life of the
nation. I'm tired of hearing people
say: 'I'm not of the cares of this
world, I'm a citizen of another
world" God keep such sentimental
Christians out of my f1ock.-Rev. l..
c. Houghton. Baptist, Atlanta.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Measure of His Intelligence.

my dog; my sweet little Innocent
pet!
Friend-I'm so sorry. Have you
put an advertisement in the newspa-
per?
Fido's Mistress-Oh, what would be
the use? The poor darling doesn't
know how to read-Woman's Home
Companion.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Touching Tenderness.

A tender parent has been discovered
In New York. Having been warned
that the milk he sold to others and
fed to his own babe was slowly killing
the latter, he promptly took an ex-
pensive bottled milk for the child
though he cheerfully continued to
supply the infants of his poorer neigh
bors with the condemned stock.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Little Marjorie at Church.

Little Marjorie went with her moth
er to church on the night the minis
ter baptized convert by immersion.
AS soon as the ceremony was over
the little girl leaned over to her
mother and said in an excited whisper,
Mamma, do they drown some one
here ever Sunday"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
In Advance.

Mrs. Skinflint-Oh, John! Mary,
the parlor maid, has just swallowed a
quarter! What ever shall we do?
Old Skinf1int-Do? Well, l suppose
we'd better let her keep it. She'd
have expected a Christmas present,
anyhow!
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Too Late.

Highwayman-Halt! Your money or
your life!
Victim-It's no go, stranger. My
wife's in the same line Of business al
ways at Christmas time, and she's just
finished with me.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
What Did He Mean !?

"Woman will be famed as we'll as
mani" she calculated, as she threw
down the book YES" responded old
Cynicus, ''for untold ages. Boston
Commonwealth.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
HsIiethenicS-

"Those Latin races use great
many gestures when they talk
"Yes," replied the busy man; land
it's mighty good idea. 1t enables you
to take your physical culture right
along with your ordinary exercise
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Jnnortance of Beinu Correct,

Importance OF Being Correct
The Sunday school teacher was tell
ing her class about the wicked chill
dren mocking the good prophet, and
how two she bears c ne out of the
mountains and "ate up over forty of
the wicked children. Now, boys"
she concluded, what lesson does this
teach u.s." 81 know" said one young
ster; 'it teaches us how many chill
dren a she bear can hold"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Once Enough.

Christmas comes but once year.
said the CHEEKY citizen.
mo rse in it's coming twice year,
said the morose person. Must give
a man chance to save little money
before he can spend it,"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Innportant to Mothers
New View of Il,

II envy the man who believes that
superstition about Friday" said Mr..
Growcher
Il consider 1t depressing"
mot at all. A man ought to be
mighty comfortable who can feel sure
there's only one unlucky day in the
week"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Above Him,

"You say that she married beneath
herr"
an aviator and her husband chauf'
feur."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
No Excitement,

"a man doesn't seem to take any
pleasure in writing letters to woman
after he has married her." said Mrs
aloomer. NO." replied Miss Cayenne;
"he seems to lose all interest when
there is no possibility of his letters be
ing read to jury"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
The Accompaniment.

Rubinstein once declared to some
one that he was descended from one
of the Crusaders who accompanied
Richard Occur de Lion to Palestine.
"On the piano, presumably" was the
smiling response.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Catty,

Catty.
"Mrs. Edgealong spoke very admir-
ingly of you," said the woman of con-
ciliatory disposition. Yes" replied
Mrs. Flimgilt "She is always doing
that. It's a way she has of convey
ing an impression that she is one OF
my intimate friends"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Christmas Thanks

When turkeys on the table laid,
And good things l may scan,
I'm thankful that | wasn't made
A vegetarian.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Cackling.

Mrs. Gramercy-She must have been
surprised when her husband gaze her
such an expensive present for Christ
mas
Mrs. Park-Not surprised, my dear
but SUSPICIOUS.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
OPPORTUNE

George-Ah, Lily, dear, this will be
the jolliest Christmas I've ever spent
Now that we're engaged l think only
of the future.
I.i.y-Do you? Well, at this time of
the year | think only of the present.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
His Was laziness,

When an Indian candidate for the
ministry was asked to define original
sin, he said he didn't know what
other peoples might be, but he felt
sure his was laZiness
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
R3ifl5 SySs:II Izaa s5sR 5sR t7E hFEs
w. N. u., BALTIMORE, NO. 5o-1e11.
Two Women

I'm going to Vassar and try for
degree this year. Better come along"
Thanks, dear, but I'm going to
Reno and try for decree"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Give and Take.

Howell-Does he take things ph1lo-
sophically?
Powell-Yes. but he doesn't part
with them Observation-Disclosures s
Home Companion.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Ancestral Christmas Punch.

YES" said the fair young thing;
that Christmas punch you have just
tasted is made from recipe that has
been treasured in the family for cen.
turies. The earliest authentic record
we have of it was in the lifetime of
my great-great-ever-so-g o-great-grandfath.
er, whose suit of armor stands in the
hall"
"If he drank much Of that punch,
observed the young man. who had
had two glasses of it, "he must have
wished he was wearing that armor
on his inside instead of his outside. u
lace ruffies make as fluffy and fr1lly a
garment as any lover of pretty things
could possibly desire.
A heavy silk lining with a covering
of embroidered batiste which can be
taken off and laundered makes a prac
tical wrap. A top of dotted Swiss
edged with lace pleating could also
be used over a flannel lining for win
ter wear.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
THE FIRST PRESENTS.

The giving of Christ
mas presents was
first introduced by
the early Romans.
They exchanged gifts
freely, but in compli-
ance with a sumptu-
ary law they were
never allowed to give
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
She Knew.

Mrs Knicker-Do you understand
baseball?
Mrs. Bocker-No; but l understand
Williams remarks to the umpire; it's
the same thing he says at breakfast
Puck.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

It's humiliating to discover that the
folks who we imagine despise us never
even think of us!
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

When you hear two men talking SO
loudly that they can be heard M the
next block, they are talking about
something they know nothing about
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
The Paradox.

"My doctor is a paradoxical one."
"How so?"
"The more he reduced the swelling
the higher the bills grew"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

Even though they are all cast in the
same mold, the size of a dollar de-
pends on how many of them you
have.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

1t isn't until a man reaches the age
of discretion that he discovers he can
have a good time without suffering for
it the next morning.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Twn Kinds

There are friends and Christmas
tree friends. The latter take all the
presents they can get and present
you with beautiful boughs.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Touching.

Jennie-Everyth1ng he touches
seems to turn to gold.
Jim-Yes; he touched me today for
q sovereign.-London Opinion.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

While Waiting for His Oatmeal.
What has become" asked the in.
quisitive boarder, "of the old-fash.
ioned man who used to say, as the
feller says'?"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

DR.. Pierce's Pellets, small, sugar.coated,
easy to take as candy, regulate and invig-
crate stomach, liver and bowels and cure
constipation.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

Many people have receding gums. Rub
Hamlins Wizard Oil on gums and stop the
decay; chase the disease germs with q
mouth wash of a few drops to spoonful
of water
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

The fellow who goes around looking
for trouble generally meets somebody
who takes him at his word.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

if you don't tell the same story to the
same crowd twice.-Atchison Globe
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

Judging from her passion for hats.
how can a woman expect to be happy
in heaven and make one halo last her
through eternity?
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Wonderful Man.

Decem-Ginks had the most wonder
full control of his features of any man
I ever knew.
Burr-l understand he was a mar
vel.
Decem-He was. Why, I've even
seen that man look pleased when he
saw what his wife had bought him
for Christmas.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Tor coins and GRIP

Hicks CAPuDINE Is the best remedy-re-
lieves the aching and feverishness--cures the
Cold and restores normal conditions. 1t s
Iiouid-effects Immediately. 10c., 25c., and 5Oc.
At drug stores
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
MonaX.

The higher needs of the soul can
not be satisfied with money.-Charles
q. M~ehell, Methods, Chicago.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
TO DRIVE OUT MALARIA
Nh IRTTTV,n TTP TIL

Take the Old Standard GROVES TASTEL LESS
GlL Tonic You know wnat ~ you are taKna Sd1i1a
showing it is simply Quinne and Iron in tasteless
form, and the most effectual form For grown
people and children. 50 cents.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

drs wmsIow's Soothing syrup for Children
teeth,Eg, softens the gums, reduces inhamma
ton, Lays pain, cures wind collie, 25c a bottle.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
WE BUY Old GOLD
Silver, Platinum, Old Jewelry, False Teeth Of all
kinds, Highest prices paid PENN SMELLING
REFINING WORKS, 9O6 Fiibert Street, Philadelphia

There isn't much home for the man
who has no self-respect.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

And kiss in the dark is one kind
Of an electric spark.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

For HEADACHE-Hicks CAPUDINH
Whether from Colds, 9eat, Stomach or
Nervous Troubles, Capudine will relieve you
It's Hquid-pleascnt to take-acts immedi
ately. Try it. 10c., CSC. and 50 cents at drug
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
Beginning ce Charity

The reason charity begins at home
is because !" it began down town it
might have 10 walk home.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22
A MYSTERY.

Dudley Nobs-WLy does Santa al
ways leave valuable presents to rich
folks and cheap ones to poor people?
Why don't he even things up?
A Clean Sweep.
Caroline-Ive been in the stores all
day.
Pauline-So soon after Christmas,
and still shopping?
Notwithstanding! l guess not.
I'm exchanging all my presents.
Dudley Nobs-Pa, there's one thing
about Santa Claus l never could un-
derstand.
Mr.. Nobs-What is that, my SON?
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1911-12-22

I0HNST0WN foods the country with high
small monthly payments send for description and
price Park Watch Dept Park Bldg Johnsown, Pa
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1911-07-12
KING OF THE METALS.
Tho importance of Iron to the Elee.
tricai Industry.

Tho importance Of Iron to tho Elee
tricai Industry.
The very root Of the electrical indus
try is iron. Without iron it is doubt
full If the larger generators and the
mighty motors could be built, for the
powerful magnets upon which these
inventions depend for their power are
all made of soft iron either in the
form Of thin plates or long wires COW
cred with insulation.
Nearly every one is familiar with
the common horseshoe magnet, which
is but piece Of steel bent in the
shape Of horseshoe and charged with
magnetism. When a steel bar Of this
shape is rubbed against another mag
net it is charged" and will remain so
for long time. The magnets used in
electrical machinery are Of the Undue
ton type-that is. the magnetism van
ishes just as soon as the current is
taken away from them. If you wind
long insulated wire tightly around a
soft iron core and send through this
wire weak current Of electricity the
core will be instantly possessed Of
slIouS maSuctAc QudHsles. AuiS Adct
is the basis of all electric motors and
generators. The field coils are usually
made Of a soft iron core wound with
yards and yards of insulated wire.
When the current is sent through this
wire the soft iron core is turned into a
powerful magnet. and this magnetic
power is used to drive motors or to
generate more Observation-Disclosures
Bulletin,
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1911-07-12
QUALIFYING ROUND
is STARTED TO-DAY
Sixty-four Players Were En-
tered and Some Good
Scores Being Made.

Under conditions that the enthu-
siastic golfer would declare ideal the
qualifying round in the state golf
pionship began at $50 o'clock
this morning on the links of the Rich
mond Country club.
SiXty-four players were ready for
the battle and the pairings were made
last night by officers of the state as
ISOLATION. Beginning at the time nam
ed the players began their rounds OF
the course at intervals of five minu
ties Eighteen holes are played in
the qualifying round and thirty-two
players whose scores are the lowest
are eligible for the first round. match
play. tomorrow
Willie Diddle. of Highland club. In
dlanapolis, present state champion
gave evidence of his class this fore
noon, when he made the first nine
holes in 80. two under the course
DOGGY. Resener. of Riverside, who
was the individual winner in yester.
days four-men matches, and who is
looked on as likely contender for
otatC iohoI D. uiu not play III tUe
flying rounds until this afternoon
Some of the many scores follow ::
E. Sloan, Indianapolis, country club,
As; F. McNelley, Riverside. so: F. l..
Sattiey. Indianapolis Country club. SO :;
Walter Hutton, Richmond, so; w. d.
Bancker. Indianapolis Country club,
A; w. Vailandingham. Riverside, Al ::
J. w. Stewart, Logansport, A.; Julian
Gates, SIS G. T. Ogden, kokonlo. As:
Burr Sweeney, Marion Country club,
As; H. G. Jay, kokomo, 81; b. Francis,
Riverside, So; ]. o. Wilson, Marion
Country club. 44 c. w. Baldwin. Mum
Gle, so; B. NJ. Nusbaum, Marion Golf
club, "A; George Seidel, Richmond. AS:
Willie Diddle, Highland, SO; | Neff,
Richmond, 81; Clarence Stanley. In
dianapolis Country club, AZ; A. STRAIT
tan. Richmond. so.
Indianapolis carried away the three
top places in the four-man event on
the opening day of the state tourna-
ment Tuesday. Highland finished
first, with a total of CSC; the Country
club second, with 70S, and Riverside
third, with TIA. The other clubs to
finish. were: Marion Country club,
725; Richmond Golf club. 1856; Marion
Golf club 1855: Anderson Country club,
1865; Delaware Country club, 1874; and
Logansport Country club. 7S9.
First place was in doubt until the
last men finished. The three leading
clubs were well punched in the morn
ing and the result was always in
doubt.
The Riverside Golf links at Indiana
polls were chosen for the next meet
of the state tournament in 1912.
Z. c. Hedden presented letter of
invitation from the Board of Park
Commissioners of Indianapolis, asking
that the next tournament be held in
that city. A telegram from the mayor
of Indianapolis was also read repeat
ing the invitation. Muncie also made
a bid for the meet. but withdrew after
Mr.. Hedden spoke for Indianapolis.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1911-07-12
Naming q Yacht.

The naming of book is no holiday
task. and authors particularly proud
Of title are toierably sure to discover
that it has been already used. But the
naming of yacht is almost a greater
perplexity. Plagiarism may in this
case result in practical confusion car
rying the most awkward consequences,
and not all titles to which. in search
OF variety. recourse has already been
had are satisfactory from all points of
view. Not long ago. for instance. a
very grave British cabinet minister.
perhaps wishing for once to be spright-
ly. called his yacht Flirt. He had not
consulted his family. who were. how
ever. quite sure. he thought. to delight
in his outburst of gayety. However.
his daughters naturally remarked how
very disagreeable 1T would be to go
ashore with that label around their
hats