davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer. (Moravian Falls, N.C.) 1910-1917, 1911-06-01
MoRAvIAN FALLS. NORTH CAROLINA, JUNE. 1911.
THE O-COW-MOO.

My pa held me up to the moo-cow-moo
So clost could almost touch,
En- fed him couple of times, or two,
En- I wasn't a fraid-cat much
But eff my papa goes into the house. q
En- mamma, she goes in, too, M
/ just keep still, like a little mouse.
For the moo-cow-moo might moo.
The moo-cow-moo's got a tail like q
rope,
En- it's raveled down where it grows,
En- it's just like feeling piece of soap
All over the moo-cow's nose.
En- the moo -cow-moo has lots Of fun
just swinging it's tail about;
En- he opens his mouth and then 3
run
Cause that's where the moo comes
out.
En- the moo-cow -moo's got deers on
his head,
En- his eyes stick out o. their place,
En- the nose O. the moo-moo-cow is
spread
All over the end of his face.
Edmund Vance Cooke.
The fool-killer. (Moravian Falls, N.C.) 1910-1917, 1911-06-01
VOL. IL.
PLEASE RENEW.

If this paragraph is marked with a
cross mark it means that YOUR SUB
sCRIPTION HAS EXPIRED and that
you will not get any more Fool-Killers
unless you renew. The Post Office
Department has a ruling which COM
pels me to take your name from my
list unless you keep your subscrip-
ton paid up. Now would hate
mighty bad to mark off your name.
and 1 earnestly hope will not have
to do it, You have been feasting your
funny-bone on my philosophical fool
ishness the past twelve months, and
I'm going to just boo-hoo like spoilt
baby if you don't crawl up on the
front seat and ride through the alma
nae with me again. This is the dull
season, and your renewal will come
in mighty handy just now; SO please
rush it in, and as many others with
it as you can get.
You can every one afford to pay
the little mite charge for a subscrip-
ton, but in order to make my propo-
sition still more attractive to you,
have decided to make you old sub
scribers a VERY SPECIAL OFFER.
This offer only applies to those whose
subscriptions expire with this issue.
If this article is marked it means you.
Here is the offer: SEND ME TWO
YEARLY SUBSCRIPTIONS TO THE
FOOL-KILLER AT FIFTEEN CENTS
EACH AND WILL RENEW YOUR
SUBSCRIPTION FREE. This offer
holds good till the 25th of July, but
will not be good after that date. So
rush in your renewal club at once.
Just send me two new names and
thirty cents, stating that you want
your subscription renewed, and I'll do
the rest @
Boys, don't neglect this opportunity
to get The Fool-Killer another year
free 1t will be better than three
ring circus and a moving picture
show, with monkey and bag-pipe
thrown in for good measure. Let us
rise and sing that old familiar, hymn
Now who will come and go with me
I'm bound to read The Fool-Killer.'
The fool-killer. (Moravian Falls, N.C.) 1910-1917, 1911-06-01

This bowling wilderness which we
call Christian America recognizes
no god but the Dollar. Any person
who says it does is either honestly
mistaken or a wilful liar. Every
time the United States mint turns out
coin bearing the motto, ''In God We
Trust" it coins fagrant falsehood
That will rise up in Judgment and
condemn us as a nation.
The fool-killer. (Moravian Falls, N.C.) 1910-1917, 1911-06-01
"THE TORCH OF REAsON...
NO. s..


Living somewhere II In the wild
North West, where the Lion roareth
and the Whangdoodle awhangeth. is
a tWo-legged man-beast who calls
himself Frederick Forest Berry.
This fellow Berry has writ novel
bearing the entitlement of "The
Torch Of Reason or, Humanity's
God" The object of Berry's book is
to hold up the torch of reason to
humanity and prove that there isn't
any God, He says it is terrible
crime to believe in a God. or to be-
lieve anything else that you can't
reason out"
Why, Berry, you old sin-soaked
son-of-a-gun, you amt got as much
sense as 4 sucking turkey You ain't
Igot as lnsich reason as rat nor As
much gumption as "a grub worm.
Berry, you certainly are a buckle
Berry. You are also a goose-Berry.
Your old heart is blackberry, and
your arguments amt worth straw
Berry. And when you go to hell the
devil will get his due-Berry. He will
| take his red-hot poker and give you
| a poke-Berry, and if you don't change
your mind it will be a wonder-Berr
| Talk about reasoning OUT things!
Why, you Internal fool, you can't
reason OUT your own poor, pitiful
existence here in the world to save
you from the devil. Fact of the mat
ter is, think you are an ethno1og
ical accident and got lodged on this
planet by mistake. Your home is
in hell, and I'll bet old Satan is walk
ing the red-hot pavements of perdi-
| ton right now and singing, where
is My Wandering Boy Tonight"
Even the devil don't like for his
children to be meaner than he is
himself, but I'll be sWiggered if you
amt running the old fellow a close
race. If you had started into the
business of being devil at the same
time old Mr.. Satan did, you would
have been so far ahead of him in
hellishness that it would have taken
eight dollars to send postal card
back to him.
Il 8
The fool-killer. (Moravian Falls, N.C.) 1910-1917, 1911-06-01
DANCING SCHOOLS.

LaWzy mercy! If that don't cork
up the bottles good and stout, I'll be.
doggon. Just imagine what the peo-
pie belonging to the hifalutin class
have come to-. Why, things have gall
loped along at such break-neck
speed that it takes a fellow with the
mind of a lightning express to keep
in sight. These highfiyers have tram
pied under feet all the benign and
divine teachings of Christ that labor
was a noble calling; that without do
ing a reasonable share of it the va
rious limbs of the body could not be
properly exercised and developed;
and further, that was the honest way
to make a livelihood. Yes, this teach
ing has been set aside and held for
'saans1it and the lazy ifling set are
putting up dancing schools" all over
the land in which to spraddle out in
pretty proportions, skinning cats,
kicking up their heels and locking
squeeze e-squelching about, etc.
And the churches have been caught
on the swift wing, too. Now many of
them have dancing schools for their
members as places of amusement ana
entertainment And when they get
behind with their dues, they get up
some game that has a high-sounding
name and invite all the sisteren and
brethren to attend and contribute so
much in the jackpot toward paying
off the debt-the debt that is due the
devil, of course. Now if such work
as this amt swinging hairs off the
heavenly high-ups, I'm a monkey.
| don't believe in such means OF
exercising and amusing. believe
in the good old way. There's always
enough of necessary work and walk
ing to do to afford all the exercise
necessary for the proper development
of all the limbs of the body. And that
pampered,, spoiled class of indolents
who abhor this ought to be put out
on the public pixies and made to beat
rock from early morn till sundowr
without a bite of grub to eat during
the day. If the devil amt about te
.wag the world and the church botf
as he pleases on the tip end of his
tailg I've got wool over my eyes, BY
heck. The Big Pistol.
The fool-killer. (Moravian Falls, N.C.) 1910-1917, 1911-06-01

Look here, madam, if you are tied
up for life to thing that drinks lik-
ker, chews tobacco, smokes, cusses
and plays cards, I'll tell you what I'd
do: I'd just spit on the thing and
drown it.
The fool-killer. (Moravian Falls, N.C.) 1910-1917, 1911-06-01

Everything is high in this country
except our state OF civilization.
The fool-killer. (Moravian Falls, N.C.) 1910-1917, 1911-06-01

When you stop to think about it,
people are awful funny things. It
tickles me-
The fool-killer. (Moravian Falls, N.C.) 1910-1917, 1911-06-01

4. When man has failed at every
thing else he either goes into the real
estate business or tries to preach.
The Washington times., 1911-09-04

trips by water to the beach will be
made on Sundays only.
This season has been the most sue
cessful In the history of the resort, ac-
cording to Charles st. John. president
of the Potomac and Chesapeake Steam
boat Company. A larger number Of
persons spent the summer there, and
larger crowds have made daily excur-
sions to Colonial Beach this summer
than during any preceding summer, he
said.
Marshall Hall also closed for the sea-
son today. As has been the custom
for several years, the last day OF the
season alway1 has seen the District AS
sembly of the Knights of Labor at that
resort. This morning the several boats
making the run to Mt. Vernon and
Marshall Hall carried record breaking
crowds, and the festivities will continue
till the last boat leaves Marshall Hall
at 10 o'clock tonight.
The knights of Labor had more men,
bers land guests present today than at
any previous celebration in years. In
every respect the excursion was a sue
cess.
The MANAGEMENT of the Mt. Vernon
and Marshall Hall Steamboat Company
announced today that while the resort
has been closed for this season, the
moonlight excursions will continue, as
will the trips to Mt. Vernon, the home
and tomb Of Washington. The excur-
sions will continue until the weather
prohibits.
The Washington times., 1911-09-04
All Organized Labor
In New York Joins
In Mammoth Parade

NEW YORK, Sept. L-The union
label was the great test today. Unless
you had It openly you had no part in
the greatest observance Of labor's hoil-
day in this city.
Every organized trade in this city was
represented in the great parade, the big
feature of New York city's observance
OF the holiday, which started at Fifty
ninth street and marched down Fifth
avenue today. The number Of marchers
in line was larger than ever before, the
uniforms Of the marchers more resplen-
dent, the bands played fully as loudly,
and the sun shone down from almost
cloudless skies, but its intense heat was
tempered with brisk winds on the ocean
that made the long march to Washing
ton square less Of task than usual
An hour before the procession started
a committee representing the Central
Federation inspected all Of the organi.
cations in line. All had to show that
thew believed in the principles 1or
which they stood, and up-to-date WORK
ing cards, union labels, etc, were In
the possession of every marcher.
The women's division was much In
evidence. The women's Trades Union
League had gayly decorated floats es-
The Washington times., 1911-09-04
THRONGS COME IN
TO SEE MUNYON
Surprising Number Of Wis
itors Show Big Interest
In Expert.
LOCAL FOLK TESTIFY.
Stomach Trouble Conquered and
Rheumatism Pangs Over.
LOCAL FOLK TESTIFY.

One OF the most remarkable features
about Prof. J. M. Munyon Is the ex-
traordinary amount Of attention here
and all over the country, the immense
crowds that have been fiocking to see
him, and the large quantity Of mail he
receives daily at his headquarters.
Munyon's Laboratories, SD and Jeffer-
son Sts.. Philaoelphia. He receives mail
and visitors from every city in the
United States and Canada. Most not
able Is the fact that rich and poor come
to him alike. and few hours spent at
the side OF the physician Ii a most in
teresting study Of human nature.
Many remarkable cases Of relief se-
week. One was that OF a man who
had suffered from indigestion and
years. He said:
OF stomach trouble on record. I could
not digest anything ate. Food fer
mented in my stomach and formed
gas, which pressed out In the abdomen
and up under my heart, and at times
made me suffer so badly i expected to
die. / had intense headaches and fire.
quent attacks OF dizziness, and I grew
short Of breath when ! attempted to
walk upstairs, / was also much con-
stipated. / came here a short while
stomach treatment. Now ] must ad-
NIT I feel like new man. can ear
anything l want with no distress after
ward, and all Of the other symptoms
of my trouble have disappeared. / no
tice particularly that my head is much
clearer and my brain works better. 1
am full Of ambition and energy and
enjoy life hugely. ! can never tell how
glad am that had the good sense
to try this Munyon treatment
Another enthusiastic visitor was a
had been relieved of rheumatism In a
most remarkable manner. She said:
MY mother was fiat on her back with
rheumatism, scfatic, muscular, and In
hammatory, doctors had pronounced
her case almost incurable and we had
about given up hope Of her ever being
able to walk again. procured a
treatment for her from one of these
Munyon doctors, and today she Is able
to get about the house with perfect
ease and can go outdoors, and, in fact.
do anything that a woman OF her age
might be expected to do. The rheu-
matte pains and inf1ammations have
entirely disappeared. / think this
Munyon treatment Is a positive won
der worker
Letters addressed to Prof ]. N. Mum
yon, personally, Munyon'ss Labora-
tories, 53rd & Jefferson Sts., Philadel-
phia, Pa, or callers who apply at that
address, will receive free medical ad-
vice. There Is not penny to pay for
the fullest and most painstaking medi-
cal examination. You are made to feel,
whether by personal interview or letter.
the advice is absolutely free and you
are not under any obligation to fol-
Los
The Washington times., 1911-09-04
Colonial Beach and
Marshall Hall Close
Successful Seasons

The Washington colony of Colonial
Beach today gave a farewell reception
to the summer resort at which hundreds
of persons from this city have been
located all summer. A special boat of
the Potomac and Chesapeake Steamboat
Company left the Seventh street wharf
at 9 O'Clock this morning, carrying sew
eral hundred friends of the colonists,
who have assisted in the celebration.
Labor Day will mark the closing of
Colonial Beach. The celebration, which
will not end until tonight, while Of a
private character, is being conducted by
every temporary resident of Washing
toms Atlantic City"
Tomorrow morning, the steamer st.
Johns will leave Washington for Col
onial Beach to bring away the last of
the summer colonists. The regular sum-
mer schedule will be discontinued with
the departure OF that boat. Until next
spring, when the resort is reopened,
The Washington times., 1911-09-04
LABOR DAY PROVES
EPOCH TO CAPITALS
ARMY OF CHILDREN
Fairgrounds Furnish Whirl
of Pleasure for Host Of
Little Folk.

Labor Day, hitherto an empty name
to thousands OF school children un-
benefited by a national holiday that In
excusabiy falls within the limits Of
vacation, today became a known, an
honored, and an established institution
In the kingdom of their tender fancy
The Fairgrounds Of the District 50
, on the eleven that are given over to
the well ordered pleasures of youth
there were such games and sports,
dances and plays. music and laughter.
as rendered the some time inexplfcably
rrown-up day of recreation memorable
among the boys and girls OF Washing
ton. From Georgetown playground to
Rosedale-north, east, south. ana west
there were gatherings OF hundreds,
ready to play, to work. TO do anythsg,
under the bright sun
n was a remarkable feature CT the
''exercfses' at the Fairgrounds that
though programs had been fixed many
6ays In advance. though there had been
preparations and rehesisals, and even
costuming. the informality OF the eath-
erings was not lost
No Speeches.
There were no speeches; nobody told
the children that they had come to-
sether because 1t was Labor Day. They
came unaffrighted to enjoy without In
reference the usual delights Of the
Fairgrounds.
But there was for them no problem OF
labor or capital The only union where
Of they thought was the union OF coni-
panionstip, that has been encouraged
urtfl the Fairgrounds of the District are
become communities OF childish inter,
est. klarded ami guided by playground
managers and parents Of the children;
''Whut 8 Labor Day?" shrilled lit
tie citizen OF six. When you don't Ia
bor?' And this pun, for which Labor
nav would seem to the pessimlst 10
sand tires. until the houses echoed 1t,
rs In countryside.
The programs were little more than
elaborated schedules Of the diversions
that are afforded everv day on the play
grounds. They included at each ground
races of several kinds. games of base
ball. and tether bah and tennis: dane
ing, too, with songs. most OF them pat
riotic: few recitals. and, In one or
two places, simple dramatizations OF
poems and nursery stories.
Prizes Given.
For Labor Day the races had been
made competitions, and prizes were
given. The prizes were only badges,
but they showed the holiday. So, too.
there was more of zest in the playing
Of the games between the teams of
the Playground Baseball League. The
dances were given at certain times,
and the large number of spectators
was not larger by one body than had
been expected.
There was enough of formality in
the program, however, to show the
remarkable training that the children
have had this year. The entertain
ments began at 9 o'clock this morn
ins anu w eanInci aS,s 70 pann, Rsepareu !,
and throughout all that time the per-
formances OF the boys and girls were
as good as they could be made.
Splendid order prevailed every
The Washington times., 1911-09-04
Labor Sentiments of Samuel Gompers,
President American Federation of Labor

Labor Day should maintained observed with
as much interest Is shown on the Fourth Of
July Labor Day for Independence Of the workngman
and wagearne its observance more extensive than
Next years demonstration viii eclipse this years. Ana
So I'm noar foremost among
national holidays that that day be maintained In It's
with its distinctive characteristics OF demonstration
and power.
aborng Of the country Labor
Day protest against and an agi
tatiOn for the right
The workngman today able to look the world squar
the ceareyed st0uthearted,
Of toll realizes the advantages which have
come organized efforts himself
and his felOw.men
temporary not launched for
today all time has its basic existence the
aspirations of the telling for justice right
works for 1t is to toll with
that will be till the end of the world just long
will the labor continue grow.
The Washington times., 1911-09-04

corted by women and girls attired In
white, with vart-colored sashes, and
carrying banners with union senti-
ments.
The largest single division was the
cloak makers union, which year ago
was in the midst of a strike 1t later
won. Its men and women presented a
bold front. Grim reminders OF the Tri-
angle Factory fire, where nearly 200
lives were sacrificed, were shown in cer-
tain Of the banners calling attention to
the demand for improved working con-
ditions in the city's great loft struc-
lures.
One entire division was given over to
the Mcnamara protest committee, which
Is raising funds for the defense of the
Mcnamara brothers m Los Angeles.
Hundreds of unorganized workers
marched in this line. It was the most
successful organized labor demonstra-
ton in New York's history. ...
The Washington times., 1911-09-04
District Assembly,
Knights of Labor,
Go on Excursion

The District assembly of the knights
of Labor celebrated Labor Day by an
excursion to Marshall Hail. The steamer
Charles Manchester carried a large
delegation to the river resort both on
its morning and afternoon trips. On
the grounds a series of athletic events,
including baseball games and races, was
arranged. Band concerts and dancing
also provided amusement.
The trip today was the twentieth an
nual excursion Of the Washington or
ganization.
The Washington times., 1911-09-04
MORRISON ASSAILS
"EIDNAPERs,' CALLS
EMPLOYERS UNFAIR
MM IHME INUtS AUHH
Capitals Fight on Labor, He
Says, Now Confined to
Misrepresentation.

BINGHAMToN, N. r, Sept. 4.-Re-
viewing the progress Of organized labor
In America here today, Frank Morrison.
secretary of the American Federation
Of Labor, declared the only way capital
Is now trying to war on labor Is by
Misrepresentation.
After citing statistics to show the
growth OF the labor movement he said: |:
In an open and fair contest before
the bar Of public opinion, even with an
unfair press, the cause Of labor has
steadily advanced. With the full knowi-
edge Of this, antagonistfc organisations
Of employers, driven with desperation,
having no regard for the inherent rights
OF man, or any form OF law, are seek
ing by various means to destroy the
organization Of labor. To make false
datfon whatever appears to be their
present mode Of warfare.
Refers to Kidnapping.
The KIDNAPPING Of the McNamaras,
taking them by force. without comply
ing with even the simplest forms OF
law; transporting them across the coun-
try, is apparently considered by the
men committing this outrage as per-
missible.
These employers associations do not
nope Tor maj conVictiOn, Lnelr pur-
pose being to cast odium on our entire
movement. They are determined, by
fair means or foul, to strike union labor
q fatal blow, but they will fail. Or
ganized labor is raising funds to see
that these men get fair aud impartial
trial.
.The corrupt employers associations
will hardly dare to try conclusions with
US again when this trial Is ended. Kid
naping must be stopped. Malicious
prosecutions must stop. Organized
labor Is being put to the test, but 1t
will be found true"
Assails Trusts.
Morrison assailed the Dig trusts for
their attitude toward organized labor.
They are paying high salaries. he said.
TO men to keep their plants unOf gained.
Their dividend dividing scheme. he
said, Is "a plausible ana vicious system.
intended to delude." The Steel trust, he
said, uses the threat OF employing moth
ing but alien labor to keep Its men out
Congress, Morrison declared. Is much
more friendly to organized labor. than
ever before, f'many OF the labor haters
having been defeated by concerted work
by the unions"
He defended unionism from charges
that II Is a labor trust, and the closed
shop from the charge that II Is intended
to take the right to run his business
away from the employer.