St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1911-01-14

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been able to pry her loose from the
domlcile. I had told Clara J. the two
DANES were my aunts, but she was
still suspicious.
Well" said Clara j., after a pain
rul pause, why don't you go and well
come your Aunt Eliza?"
Aunt Lie would be the central fig
ure In hot old time IL she went
where / wished her at that moment.
Somebody had tied both my feet to
the floor.
mad visions Of two excited females
hambasting me with umbrellas and
demanding their property back.
Completely at loss, sank into a
chair, feeling as bright and clipper
as poached egg.
1 felt that belonged just about as
much as a knothole does in a barb
wire fence.
l was on the pickle boat for sure.
Sailing! Sailing! over the griddle,
me!
Scientists tell us that when a man
IS drowning every detail of his life
time passes before him in the fraction
Of a second.
Well, that moving picture gag
was worked on me. without the aid of
bathing suit.
When | awoke Clara j. was saying,
Possibly 1t would look better IL
went with you. Wait just moment,
till get this apron off-there! Come
along!"
arose, and with delightful unanim-
fty the chair arose also, clinging like
passionate porous plaster to my
pantaloons.
Mercy" exclaimed Clara J., "that
nrtle villain, Tacks, has been making
tnolasses candy!" .-s.
ut strikes me-" said, trying hard
to be calm, that after making the
candy he decided to make monkey
OF me. Darn the blame thing, it
won't let go! I suppose I've got to be
q perpetual furniture mover the rest
Of my life!"
z Just then Uncle Peter came bub-
bling into the kitchen, talking in short
explosions like a bottle of vichy, and
I collaborated with the chair in a
EQuatty-vous!
1.-TWO women on the piazza" he
fixed; "been talking to them an hour
and all could get out of them was
yes and mo- Not bad looking. but
profoundly dumb"
"Hush!" said Clara j., glancing I'M
easily at me and then back at Uncle
Peter, as she raised a warning finger
to her lips.
"Oh, they can't hear me-" the old
gentleman went on; John, you bet
ter go out and see them. They have
a card with your name written on 1t.
I'm no lady's man, anyhow"
"Do they look like queens?" Clara
J. asked, uneasily.
"Well, they aren't exactly Cleopa-
tras, but not bad. not bad!" he CUR
gled.
els one older than the other?" Clara
J. cross-questioned.
might be mother and daughter"
Uncle Peter fancied.
TITS surely Bunch's bunch" I
groaned inwardly, wondering how I'd
look galloping across the country with
a kitchen chair trailing along behind.
"Uncle Peter, it must be John Hen
RVS aunt Eliza and cousin Julia. He
expects them; don't you, John?" Clara
explained 1--WE shall be ready to well
come them In just little while"
Here she glanced cautiously at the
chair. 'In the mean time you show
them into the spare room and say that
John will see them very soon."
The old gentleman eyed me suspi-
ciously and retired without word.
I'm afraid Uncle Peter found 1t hard
to take.
With the kind assistance of the
carving knife Clara j. removed all of
me from the chair, with the exception
of a few feet of trousers, and made
a quick change Of costume.
A few minutes later joined her in
the parlor, where the scene was set
for my finish. picked out a quiet
spot near the piano to die.
Uncle Peter was enjoying every
minute of It.
He hurried OF to escort the visitors
to the parlor and moment later my
own Aunt Martha hustled in.
care they here?" she asked, breath
lessly.
How did you know they were COM
ing?" inquired Clara j., in surprised
tones.
"How did know!" exclaimed
Auntie; why. sent them!"
Every hand was against me. The
parachute had failed to work and I
was dropping on the rocks.
Family and far away I could hear
the ambulance coming at gallop.
Sweet spirits of ammonia. but was
up against 1t!
It was plainly evident to me that
Aunt Martha knew the awful rela-
tives of Bunch, and that the old lady
was camping on my trail. Yes; there
she stood, old Aunt Nemesis, glazing
at me from behind her spectacles.
decided to die without going over
near the piano.
where are they?" could hear
Aunt Martha asking in the same tone
of voice was certain the Roman en-
peror used when just about to frame
up finale for few Christians from
over the Mber.
"Uncle Peter has gone for them; we
put them in the spare ROOM" Clara J.
answered.
what! In the spare room!" gasped
AUNT Martha, co1lapsing in chair
just as Uncle Peter appeared in the
doorway, bowling low before the visit
ors, who stalked clumsily into the par