Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-02-23
From the Los Angeles Times.

DO you want to work Il couple
hours tonight for $4,000" guardedly
asked a well-dressed mar as he sidled
up to Il tramp who was doing on a
park bench.
stranger. your startling proposition
is pleasing to the ear" answered the
tramp as he surveyed the speaker,
but when I was a cherry clipped urchin
with cow-licked brow and stone
bruised tootsies. l went to the little
white schOol house about a block north
of the town pump and studied gram
mar. Hence. therefore, to wit. stranger,
Your dreamy words Il a faulty line
up. Ergo. 1 AVE worked many years
FOR So. 000-and never got it,"
Il acknowledge the correction said
the stranger With AN impatient shrug
OF his shoulders. land reiterate: VIII
you serve me tonight for two or three
hours if / pay YOU $4,000 for your
time?"
stranger. my title is Ward Jackson,
without any stray letters of the alpha
bet tackled on the rear end. And now,
without effort to compromise you,
ask how YOU'RE registered on the
Pullman page of the family bible"
II apologize-my card"
the man with a bow.
Gracious. goodness, me-! Why. Mr..
Addison Randolph Cunningham, if it
weren't a plagiarism, I'd say dee-light-
ed, I'm sure. and show my teeth, and
plug a few elephants n other African
quadrupeds to reveal my peace-loving
p-ropensities; out. really, Mr.. A. r.. c.,
when you hove"
Jackson. my boy. 1 mean no dis
respect" interrupted Cunningham. but
If I'd wanted to hear a monograph, I'd
dropped my nickel in the slot and
listened. But 1 didn't, nor MT! He
draw forth ~ en- cold pinoo and loiG ~
on Mr.. Jackson's knee. Now, you
familiarize yourself with the color,
and then answer my question"
How beautiful. nay, gorgeous. is The
design of a tenner. What fond recol-
lections the bustless lady brings forth.
How poetical is the silence of her lips,
and"
Five thousand dollars would buy
stock in a brewery suggested Cum
ningham with naive elaboration, "or
it would"
Have pity. Mr.. Cunningham. go no
farther! Why torment Il poor soul
whose heart does its rhythmic stunt
the golden age? Must We sloat because
my Tuxedo is in tatters? Must yea"
jackson, l hate poetry. This is Il
business proposition. Look at this roll of
hundred bills-50 of them in all. They
are yours for this nights work, pro-
Niueu YOU care ioI tilella NOW teli
"1f it's business, 1 uppos you want
me to quietly slip a dagger with
poisoned tip meath some friends fifth
rib to disrupt his internal machinery?'
mo. God forbid. am not IL GRIM
inal. nor criminally inclined"
"Perchance you wish a little 'acci-
sawed-off shotgun. or eve Il nice box
of dynamite placed where it will spoil
some rivals vote?"
Enough of this jesting. Listen, all
you've got to do is to marry Il young
lady, pocket the 5000 for your trouble,
then cave for parts unknown, and for
get the whole OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES to
forget is why you're paid so literally"
Just a moment, there. Mr.. What
Your Card Says. don't go so fast. for
I'm susceptible to dizziness, feel maui
seated after eating. my eyes see colors
~that-ain't there. and | have various
other warming symptoms of the altman
ac. Now, tell me whilc / shade my
Shell-tinted ears With my lilly-white
to catch the sound wavc-Are mar
riageable victims of tho mister variety
so scarce that curb brokers must search
the highways for such c~ommodity?"
jackson. you jump at conclusions
too quickly. Here's the story: I'm in
love with a young lady whose daddy
died six months ago. He left a will
stating if she married me she would
be cut off with but $4,000 of a fortune
which mounts to a little over SO. OO0.-
600, and
Repeat that last part-slowly, please
the part with all those life pr~escrvers
after the figure that is standing next
to the dollar mark"
Whereas. if She marries anybody
else but me" continued Cunningham.
ignoring the interruption. "she gets the
whole l1nnyInf Mt nt,.n IInr x1,11~v
simply disliked me because l invested
rather heavily in wild oats. In order
TO get around the technicalities of the
Will you are to marry her and then
skip. She will get the money, and
after you have wilfully abandoned her
her and get the
Never mind the They We're mar
ried and lived happily ever afterward,'
because that would spoil the story; but
now for details-not that details amount
to anything, but what will the girl say
about your park selection""
She doesn't carc-has left all ar
engagements with me. Here's 5000 ex-
pense money. Get fixed I'D for your
wedding. meet me here at Z sharp to-
night, the marriage will be legally wit
messed, you get your money, and-well,
there you are"
Mr.. Cunningham, do you know I
sort of take a hankering to you in spite
of your bluff. That story is so full
of dramatic situations. It's theme is
original and the denouement is so
adroitly handled. n yet, Mr.. Addi-
son Randolph Cunningham. let me re-
cite you an excerpt from my own little
mundane career. A few workhouse
terms have wonderful antiseptic value
In killing any growth of green in a
fellows eye. Do o realize that, after
you have heard some of these pink
faced, white-haired. suave-talking gen.
tlemen that sit on benches. so-called,