davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1911-09-21

like this when the occasion demanded.
Miss Poilion Sues-Miss Poilion Sues.
Say, kid. they were the best little
suers thatev fioated along Lobster
Lane They showed versatility in their
work, too. One day IT was breach OF
promise trick that they would pull or
and then they'd take a whack at the
newspapers that dared to print the
news.
Lots OF perfectly respectable gent.
seemed to get in bad and walters,
lawyers. reporters and bell bows ALI
had the pleasure of becoming &C.
quainted with process servers. It AL
ways looked to me as though the girls
were some envious of each other. I
could imagine Katherine comm home
from q matinee in Justice court and
throwing her hat carelessly on the
bed remarking to her sister, Well I've
had a great day. started three new
suits and been named as defendant
in two more
of course sister couldn't stand for
that and she'd start out early this
next morning without SO much as tast-
Ing her breakfast food to better the
record.
Like the Sunrise
Their appearance in the print was
IKE the sunrise. Why the editors
used to stroll in their offices late in
the morning and ask their assistants
VINO had read all the other papers
carefully, Who's sued by the Poilion
sisters today, and then they'd dig out
three column cut from the morRue
and plaster II under an inconspicuous
head line in red ink on page one
where 1t wasn't calculated to attract
any attention
And so she's goin' to marry a Rus
sian count is Katherine? Well. wen, I
wonder what she had on himY'
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
As Bright as Diamonds,
AS Clear as Crystals
TT,s NOT THE SAME NOW

\ The Teaeher-when Cincinnatus
left his plow< standing In the furrov
where did he go. and what did he
DO?
Little Harold-went on and had .
good time I s'pose.
The Teacher-Don't you remember,
he went and raised an army, and
saved his country?
Little Harold-Yes, I read that: but
I thought that was just what he told
his wife,
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
Needed a Wife.

''Jedge.'' said the old colored citizen,
''how much fer a license ter git mar
ried""
Want It for voursalf?'
Yes. sub: you see 1 gittin' mighty old
now"
That's very evident. Then why do
you wish to get married?"
''Well. iedge. ter tell dc truth, some
body gimme a long coat, linen collar
an walkin' cane. en- knows CONAN
what says she kin make Va livin' for me,
en- feels des Ike a honeymoon Al
lanta Constitution.
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
Room At the Top.

The s, hoolmaster was Explaining the
circulation Of the blood.
IF 1 was to stand on my head the
blood would rush to my head, wouldn't
it?'
No one contradicted.
Now" he continued. when stand
on my feet why doesn't 1t rush to me
feet?"
Because" the bright boy suggested,
your feet amt empty."-Exchange.
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

II see," said the stage struck youth
'that one of the Poilion girls is break.
ing into type again"
Which one?' asked the stage door
keeper wearily. katherine or Char
lotte? Katherine, eh? Well, we'll 1t.
been several years since I've heard OF
either Of the girls, and was just be-
ginning to get worried about them.
Why. for a while no paper was COM
plete without them.
You Could Bank on II
When II came to finding them on
the front page every morning you
could bank on IT. Why they tell me
that they used to keep the heads set
up all the time, only making a change
The Washington times., 1911-09-21

overcoat, your hat, and your valise, re-
serving your pocket handkerchief for
additional Bed covering. If you rent an
upper berth, you must ascend by means
of a ladder. Climbing to the top OF
this. you take hold of the curtain rail
with one hand and the outer ring OF
hold No. 4 shoe on an A last. Into
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
No Need to Listen.

Mr.. De Loud-I have-er-called, sir,
about-er-about your daughter sir.
WIN you-erzlisten to my suit?
Old Gentleman-Hugh! I could hear
that suit a block off,-New York Week
", 3
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
A Glance Into the Future.

Young Mrs. Dilham-Arthur, won't
It be grand when women vote? You
and 1 can go to the polls together.
Mr.. Dilham-But what II the elec-
tion happens on bargain day?-Hous-
ton Post.
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
Woman, Spare That
Hair; Or, Irene

The gas light cast fltful shadows
upon the adjacent wall paper
Through the open, window the soft
breeze bore the sweet aroma of
honeysuckles.
Ralph shs breathed Il Just lsve
your hair"
The Washington times., 1911-09-21

Twas reeding an artickil in the papir
about the bad effeckts of whipping chill
drin, pop sed to ma the othir day. and
I agree with the man who rote It No
mattir wat childrin do. he sed. they
awtfnt to be Wiped. bekaus they don't
understand IL and it makes them tern
agenst thare parints. Thare reazin awt
TO be appealed to. he sed. and they awt
TO be tawked to. gently but firmly,
until they see the error Of thare ways.
Wy don't you try that sistim avn
Sammy, sed ma
I intend to, sed pa, and he went
avn smoal1ing his segar vile ma went
avn hitting the furnftshure with Q
peec. Of ciavth to get the dust awf.
witch Is q funny way to get 1t awf, to
hit It awf.
Yestidday
Yestidday I wasent very good. and
ma sed. Sammy. you can Jest stay In
the house until you lern few man
Mrs Don't you dare step outside that
frunt door until give you permdsshun.
she sed.
So / didn't step out the frunt door
but I went out the back gate, wich ma
dtdent tell me not to, but she got MAD
awl the saim, and sed. Just waite I'll
yure fartbir kums hoam. he shall hear
Of this
And wen pop calm hoam he herd Of
n and he SEQ to ma, Now watch and
you viii see wat I mean by morri
persvasion insted Of whipping q child
I'm watching. sed ma
Sammy, sed pop. don't you no you
have dun rong.
Sir, I sed, and pop sed, sed, don't
Won no you have dun rong. You herd
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
What She Wanted.

What did she say when the judge
granted her a divorce, but forbade her
to marry in this State asain?"
"She asked the. judge to make her
husband provide her with travelling ex-
penses."-Detroit Free Press.
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
True Love

Milly-You know, dear, we've been
engaged for two years. and I think
it's time we were getting married
Tilley-oh, I don't know. dear. If
you really love him you'll let him be
happy for a little longer yet.
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
Quite Up To Date.

why have you painted your sign
upside DOWN."
II carry aviation goods. want 1t
so that the birdmen can read II as they
fly overhead. kansas City Journal.
The Washington times., 1911-09-21

while the regular consists
that reach high with both hands behind her back
nothn the that hold doubleonted for four full
without soppn for drink and the bass
speciaes keep his voice blow level until the drumm
right gives
"We you dor the presario eowU ask the appk
for a grand op'ra job
All Around Performers Please Retire
And the applicant 1--WE took sinsn lessons since
dresses into short and
Victor Hbert grand opra of Uncle Toms
Cabin to Wagner at his worst"
"Can you stand the bridge of and duet
the feow What
the public demands specialists
No teacher b1onged to the old school, the applicant will
Never mind the will tell him. I'll find good
third the gladiator chorus We good
all-around for the genral ensembles
Specialize Belle If job stenogapher specialize
speed write three hundred words minute whether
they're right words
Or you've the finer things of life and you
the stage on oon so beautiful that you'll
the elin how do and then
the fact and
drop viii be c'mpletely overlooked
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
There Might Have Been

Barnstormer-1 hear q fire broke out
at your theater last night?
Hamlet-Yes, and there would have
been a terrible panic but for one thing.
Barnstormer-What was that7
Hamlet-There were not enough
people in the audience to make one.
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
Pursuit

Happiness" declared the philoso-
pher, sis the pursuit OF something.
not the catching OF It."
Have you ever" interrupted the
plain citizen, CHASED an owl car on a
rainy night?"
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
.Ne>DirectionS Needed
To Absorb These
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY

Judge Woodfall. in the Westminster
county court, held that q typewriter is
not personal luggage when carried for
business purposes.
Dr.. Crippen could have told him
that.-The Pink I'm.
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
IL He Don't

Does your mother give you anything
II you go to bed without cryingr''
'N-no. But she gives me something
II don't"
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
You Gould Bank on II
Our Piano Tuner
Says, All Is Grist'

I was hoofing 1t along the avenue
early this morning, with my little box,
wishing I could live in one of these
millionaire houses for just about five
The Washington times., 1911-09-21
NJ A ME ELLIS BE L L E
Of Course, An Around
Folks Are Useful But E
THE SPECIALISTS GET THERE

9ECIALIZE, Belle, if you want to make success
of your life. The first thing specialist learns to
do is to charge twice as much, whether his
specially is excavatn' incorr'gible appendices or
designin' buttonholes for outing trousers.
You see common NJ D. shingles on all
sorts. O two-story frame houses, but it takes a
front and backyard brownstone front to hold
sign readin', Specialist in Diseases of the Lower
Right Hand Canal" or, Specialist in Small Oper
ations on the Large Intestines" or, Specialist in
SEWN Things Together"
This is an age of specializing, Belle Opera
The Washington times., 1911-09-21

EAR:-This is the third letter have written you to-
day, only this is really going to be mailed
Did you wonder when the morning delivery slipped
by with no word from me? hope so, and hope,
too, being woman, that you disappointed,
only suppose you weren't
But to tell the truth, dear, was so hurt and
angry at your short almost curt letter that wrote
you Indignantly that you needn't write unless you
ended
Then l was ashamed of my outburst and tore
the letter up writing another full of appeal of
reproach. and. I'm afraid iealnusy Il wish uorr
The Ellensburg dawn. [volume] (Ellensburg, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-10-12

ment to the floor to keep out rats. and
If barrels are used sci them up some
what from the floor.
or course every apple grown ON the
farm will not be worth puttinS down
cellar. but the lower qualities are
worth going INTO cider if they could
be so thoroughly pressed as to extract
all the sugar instead Of leaving big
proportion OF it in the pumace.
Three pounds OF sugar to IL bushel
of apples is high result with the or
binary hand mills. But with an eighty
ton hydraulic press | have been able 10
recover four gallons of iuice from fifty
pounds of fruit. double HE quantity |
could recover with the hHud mills, and
vet left In the pulp nAAu' - per cent
Of the juice" says i"n 'Ssor w
Atwood Of the United ..ates depart
ment of agriculture.
"Practically % per cent of the total
weight of apples went out in pomace.
or from to per cent Of the sugar
With the best power mills under
most efficient working system ii IS Ger
tain that practically 8 per cent of sug
ar is thrown out in the pomace,
"There are something ike 5.OOOOOu
bushels of apples worked up every
crop year in New York state alone for
bvnroducts II we assume that -
per cent of this fruit will ne left
ms pnmace we viii have about 10000,
60O pounds of Iomace. winch Will con
tain 3.OOOOOO pounds Of sugar. or l,5oo
ions Data collected for 1909 Indicate
that this quantity of pomace Is pro
duced and that 5 per cent OF this
pomace is sugar
Il am not able to tell how much OF
this pomace is wholly or partially
lost nor can tell precisely how TO
recover all the sugar it contains. as
this investigation has just been begun
Int I want to emphasize this idea that
this 800 tons Of sugar If recovered.
would make 100000 gallons OF vine
gar. which would 20 long way toward
having the expense Of managing the
orchard. One of the largest manufac-
turers of vinegar in the state told me
recently that ne eNpecteu Puio Nu0'
vinegar to go to 80 cents wholesale
in the next two years.
"ln regard to the large amount OF
sugar that goes out in the pomace as
waste. | have never yet seen manu-
foct1rer or a farmer who handled TINS
Nomace so as to recover nearly all
The sugar left in It, Thousands or tons
of pomace are thrown ont without the
slightest attempt being made to re
cover the sugar Some people put II
hack on the soil. but it ought not &c
he nut on the soil at all until wei
rotted. ;.
at has been well established that II
ran be successfully used for cattle rooo
In France and England 1t is red very
successfully Vermont and Massa
chusetts experiment stations have aise
experimental with it and for severa
years have been feeding It successfully
to milk cows"
The Ellensburg dawn. [volume] (Ellensburg, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-10-12
LIME ON THE FARM.
sset Way to Test It Is to Try II on
Small Patch.

Lime seems to be needed on parts
of most farms. 1t corrcctS sournCss,
melloWs heavy soils. helps light soils
to retain moisture, iavOrS the growth
of clover and alfalfa and checks the
increase Of some plant diseases. The
most certain way, according to Pro
feSSor Brooks of the Massachusetts
experiment station. 20 liud uut Wheth-
or lime will help the sou IS to try il
on Il small plot in a fed to be tested.
Apply twenty pounds of fresh select
ed lime to two square rods
Beets are Il good test crop, as they
grow better upon Il timed plot if the
soil needed lime. An average of about
one ton of lime to an acre will usually
be enough 1t can be used at any sea-
son when the land is not occupied by
crops and when it can be plowed. 1t
may be planted broadcast aud worked
into the soil with Il harrow
Professor Brooks has been looking
up various sources of lime in New
England markets, and he finds that it
varies considerably in cost and desir-
ability. Quicklime is really the cheap
est form. because when buying it the
purchaser does not have to pay for
water that is taken up when shaking
lime
One hundred pounds of quicklime
contains as much essential lime as l32
pounds of slaked lime. thirty-two
pounds being moisture from the air,
and it contains as much as l1S pounds
of raw limestone.
Lime can be slaked in small heaps
by applying just water enough to wet
the Jumps, using about two pailfuls of
water to 100 pounds of lime. After a
few days it will have crumbled to a
powder. Most farmers Stake the lime
before applying. as the unslaked lime
is very disagreeable to use. even with
a manure spreader protected with bur
lap.
Finely ground limestone or mari
works we'll on light soils. but ground
limestone costs more for the results
obtained as compared with quicEime.
Sometimes refuse lime from tanneries
is very cheap source Of lime, and 1t
can usually be had for the hauling.
The Ellensburg dawn. [volume] (Ellensburg, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-10-12
+ arm ana
WASTE IN APPLE POMACE.
Hand Presses In Ordinary Use Don't
Get Out Half the Sugar.

Nct Out VaiT the sugar.
Johnny, come along. You've been
so bad I'm going to lock you up in the
cellar"
why, ma. you wouldn't have any
bad apples down cellar. would your"
"Certainly not"
don't theyY
"Of course"
rs it the good apples or the good
cellar that makes the bad boy good?'
Here mas patience became eX-
hausted and Johnny was not only
hustled doAu to darkness. but he got
something that kept him warm down
there for Il long time
All of which leads up to the point
that an apple cellar should be the
tidiest and sweetest corner of the
house.
Nothing else should ever be stored
in 1t. Its walls should at least be
twenty inches thick, and it should have
abundant windows to be kept open all
summer to draft of air and kept en-
tirely free OF any decay. There should
be no moldy boards nor any smell of
mildew; in other words. the air should
be fit to breathe.
When the apples are stored the draft
should be stopped, and when steady
cold sets in you should shut the eel
lar tight. and let 1t stay closed until
May. You can place such cellar as
this conveniently under part Of your
barn. possibly. or under your carriage
house. only there should be no stable
adjacent The floor overhead should
thickly.
The thermometer all winter should
stand at about 33-just above freezing.
Put your apples in shallow bins; ce-
The Ellensburg dawn. [volume] (Ellensburg, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-10-12
Unavoidable.

Owner-How did you come to pune
ture the tire?
Chauffeur-Ran over n milk bottle.
Owner-Didn't you see 1t in time?
Chautfeur-NO. The kid had it I'm.
der his coat-Town Topics.
The Ellensburg dawn. [volume] (Ellensburg, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-10-12

Happy We fisherman though he sits all day
And waits and waits and waits.
For often he takes up the demiiOhn gay
And bats and bats and baits.
philadelphia Telegraph
The Ellensburg dawn. [volume] (Ellensburg, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-10-12
superior.

Superior.
TOurist-You must get some business
here. advertising "all the comforts of
home for one dollar"
Rural Landlord-We did until the
fellow opposite opened up with none
Of the discomforts Of home for two
dollars"
The Ellensburg dawn. [volume] (Ellensburg, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-10-12
observation-disclosures the Surf.

The shouting and the tumult dies;
The women and the trunks depart.
Still stands the nigh broke sacrifice.
Contentment in his guilty heart.
Comrades of poker phone him yet.
Lest he forget. lest he forget
-.Judpe
The evening world., 1911-01-10

We hope uere not Hrin0 in any Fools Paradse-but the DownandOut
Club hasn't beckoned % Us once since the beginning o. 1911!
A Resolve isn't much good unless Il is built upon Resolution!
The day may be drear. and bleak. and gray-but the Panses will be making
their grnning little faces al US before W know st!
Let Rome in Tmr melt and III wide arh OF the rangd Empire fall" said
Marc Antony. roofing against hhmsehf-and a little while later Marc was a
Usedto-was!
That good horse, Endurance, never yet n for the End Book!
After all. the most that's asked Of US is simply that we Behave!
The chap who catching his W eye In the glass while shaving, to his
reflection. you mean old scrub. % had o knocking clothes o. last night
didn't your" Is Oh m Beat Il Betervine!
Coming events asst their shadows before" but we're rot going to b. STAN
Ipeded by Phantoms!
What a lot Of uater has passed beneath the bridge since the last time ue
sa,u absolutely mo .Day outr'
bur idea OF Loves Labor lost Is to tell the 10y OF twenty-one wha n Bone
head W e we're 1t his &c and to expect him to see the Connection!
The evening world., 1911-01-10
THE MONEY TRUST.

ud lRAlSE for the action of Mr.. j. ?. Morgan in coming to the
"s rescue of three shaky banks should be tempered by an inquiry
as to how it comes that he alone can "rescue" the water
logged in finance. 1t is because Mr.. Morgan, with extraordinary
senus in the use of men and money, has created a Money Trust
ss7Sithout whose behest all things financial are in vain in New York.
-> Each crisis, however created, finds him the gamer. The Morse
Thomas Heinze episode gave him the Tennessee Coal and Iron Com
" pany and the Portchester Railroad, though the three adventurers
had nothing to do with either enterprise. They simplv
created a condition that frightened money and which grew tighter as
the Great Rescuer pulled the rope.
1t S announced that "cash" has taken the place of unsound
Securities in the rescued banks. Whose cash? Wbv vours and
everybody else's that chances to be stored in other banks and about
3 the Use of which not YOU but Mr.. Morgan has the saw. He has now
ssgobbled up a tidy new bunch of millions and so is rapidly completing
his control of all the money in this town-your money, please remem-
-V5er, fellow-citizens, which will soon be turned against you in the
subway deal, to earn YOU no interest from the depository, but TO
make you pay 20 per cent. or more in profits to the Money Trusts
subway!
The evening world., 1911-01-10

you were ashamed"
MIR. Jarr threw away the cigarette
with a guilty look.
"WeI-um-er-Tm not a fiend for
them!" he hastened to explain. but
for a short smoke I sometimes light
them"
effect" Mrs. Jarr went on. but when
your little children - when innocent
babies notice you faults It Is time to
amend them"
Il might have worse faults" said
Mr.. Jarr, sulslly.
And you doubtless have said Mrs.
Jarr. But when even a child notices
what Its parents are doing, when they
are doing wrong. It behooves the parent
to behave. II only for the sake of set
ting a good example"
I'm going to smoke cigarettes. bet
cher LIS! cried Master Willie Jarr.
Icy Slavinsky smokes cigarettes, and
he said to me. he said: Wanna see the
smoke come out o. me eyes7' And l
Gays: 'Sure.' And he says. 'Putcher
hand on me stomick and press hard.
An I put me hand on his stomlck and
pressed Hdru ana ne put tne lSarette
down IN me and and burnt me. An !
hollered. and he sale II I hadn't hol.
Sered I'd "a seen the smoke come out
of his eyes. an he wanted me to try
again. but / wouldn't. But when I'm
bigger I'm gonna smoke cigarettes and
make the smoke come out O. me eyes!'
This childish recital Of adventure and
desires not making the good impression
Master Jarr had hoped for Din fact,
both his father and mother were re-
garding him with blank curiosity. Mas
ter Willie again said to his father:
Don't smoke them cigarettes, paw
1t had been n sure-ire-hit hne previ-
ously.
you see.' aid Mrs. Jarr. You see
how the bad actions of elders corrupt
the ideas OF the young!"
II only notice that Willie emon.
frances against my smoking cigarettes
arise from no very deep convictions
against the habit" said Mr.. Jarr. He
The evening world., 1911-01-10
T e Jarr Family
The Angel Child Seeks to Cure His Father
OF tie Cfoarefte HabH-and Scores No, att


/ has aspirations that way himself
The poor chlldl What does he know
about the Injurious effcotT' re.a!aS Mrs.
Jarr.
Then she turned 10 Master Willie and
spoke %soleannly:
Il hope mothers little hoy VIII never.
never smoke tobacco in any form. 1t
stunts the growth OF growing children.
You want to grow up to be a great ps
man. don't you, WilieT'
NO." said the little boy. 81 want to
grow up to be a dwarf and be n q
circus"
Where does .he child get such
Ideas?' cried Mrs. Jarr In alarm. ON.
I do wish We could move out OF this
neighborenood! That johnny Rangle Is
the worst boy. that lazy Slavinsky
you heard It Just now-he smokes
cigarettes! What Ear poor people do?
They can't keep their children indoors
all the time. And when they go out IN
the street they pick up dreadful IDEAS
'Oh. I guess the little boys in this
neighborhood are no worse than any
other little boys said Mr.. Jarr. You
don't want Willie TO be a flksop, do
you?"
"os course mott" said Mrs. Jarr.
But I do want MIN TO be a little gen.
tleman. and not TO fight or get his
clothes dirty or go with bad boys or
say naughty words or ever smoke
cigarettes, no matter how big he gets.
Willie. II you'll be real good lll get you
a nice velvet suit and pretty little en-
proidered handkerchiefs to wear IN the
sleeve Of the jacket. like this" And
Mrs. Jarr displayed a picture On a lash
ION ape she had at hand, showing a
doll-baby sort Of n boy with a dainty
handkerchief protrudlng from the
sleeve Of a blue velvet Jacket with .
broad lace collar.
An. / wouldn't wear that assy
thing" cried young Hopeful. II want
a Boy Scout suft and a revolver"
Mr.. Jarr grinned. and Mrs. Jarr felt
the refining influences Of life werc being
weakened with willie.
Bat you don't want your papa TO
smoke those horrld cigarettes. do you.
youthful brow.
mo. I don't" said Mammals Joy.
Because II is a very Dad habit Tor
anybody to smoke. isn't 81. angel?"
asked Mrs. Jarr. with a "Now-listen-to-
th!s!" look at Mr.. Jarr.
NO." said the angel. But Nv got
a double set of them cigarette pictures.
I want paw to smoke another kind 80
I can get prize-tighhng pictures. And
then. when I get all the prize-nghter
pictures. l want him TO smoke the
cigarettes that has the baseball play
ers' pictures. and then I want him to
smoke
But father was never TO know. Cor
the angel child was being led away for
strict disciplinary treatment.