Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1911-01-23
ROMANS A RACE OF HUMORISTS
| Even julius Caesar a Dry Dog--Thc
Excellent EooIina of Horace

humorists, there was nothing irrcsistibll
funny about an ahative absolute, And
We were not far from the truth; for
JULIUS Caesar is a dry dog, even i'll tho
irish translation: All Gaul is quar-
tered into three halves" There is sorun
ilhnor perhaps, i'll that famous dispatch.
sent from Paul's city of Tarsus, and
communicating the victory over the King
OF PohtuS; Il came, saw, ovcrcan.c.'
But as likely as not its brevjty was mere
thriftihcSs In words, not Wit. In Virgil
too, there is hardly il smile Would IL
not have lightened our days if that ted
l"us and priggish person. the pious
A'ncaS. had been represented by the
Mahtuan with Il sense of humor? Tradi-
lion had 1t that AcncaS was the son of
Goddess Venus and Anchiscs of Troy,
but IL IS hard to see where he takes after
his winsomc and frivolous mamma
But III Horace there is excellent fool
ing Take that gay satire that tells how
ne was going by chance on the Sacred
way. tremendously intent on some trifle
or other, when bore overlook him. and.
running up to him. wrung him warmIr
by the hand. How do you do, dearest
friend" said the bore
"PassabIy WE'LL replied Horace. wbn
barely knew his tormentor by sight:
passably well. as the times go; and
wish you every thing you can desire"
When the bore still followed him. Horace
asked him whether he wanted anythiu1.
you my respect Then he tried to es-
cape now walking rapidly. now tagging.
now pretending to stop and talk to his
BOY but the bore held on. till Horace
lelt the sweat running down to his an
hIeS' while the bore droned on praising
the town and the streets Finally the
bore becam" suspicious. Il think. he,
sad you are trying to get away f:1it
you VIII not escape me. | shall stick bv
you WHITTIER are you going iow%.
Horace, with desperate politencss. said
| liiat his worthy friend must not think of
putting himself out so; that he had =
long walk before him; was going. IN fac,
across I'll" Tiber TO visit Il sick friend.
one who dwelt by Caesars Gardens and
whom his worthy friend did not even
Know by name. Horace does not say ca
but we suspect that he invented this sirl-
friend beyind the riber oil the s..1r ,r
the moment. But the bore stood Ills
ground. Il have nothing particular to
do this morning." he said and I am "A
sood walker | will 80 with YOU" Iior-
! ace gave up in despair. He hun,urously
describes himself as hanging down his
ears like an overladen donkey and plod-
ding gloomily Oh his perfectly useless
journey. while the bore began again
praisins himself. aud saying what a de-
Slrablc friend he would be better than
Niscus or Narius; for he could write
more verses than they, and quicker. too,
and he could dance. too, and sing, in il
way To make Hermogcnes envious
Meanwhile Horace had gathered himself
together for final break for liberty
lnterrupting his wearisome friend, ho
asked. "lIavc YOU a mother or any re-
lations who are Interested in your vel
fare
NO" replied tlIe bore. Il have buried
them all"
Lucky for them answered the des-
perate Horace, but l still remain. Dis
patch me. too, for the fatal hour has ar
rived. a Sabine witch told my fortune
when l was Il boy. drawing the fateful
words from her urn. This child she
said. must die neither by poison nor by
the sword; nor will pleurisy or govt re-
move him. He will fall victim to bore.
Therefore. if he is wise. let him avoid
laxative people when he come to mans
estate"
What the bore said in reply and how
the poor poet finally got rid of him. he
who would know may read. for the book
is extant.
Full of genuine hlmor. too, is Horaces
account of the milionaire's banquet, at
which, in every element of magnificence.
Horace manages to find some touch of
vulgarity. Thus when it was found that
the boar's head had been kept too long.
because the host had bought it at a bar
gain. he suggests that it has some vague
excellence because it was killed while
the south wind blew, having therefore a
breath of Africa about 1t. The servants
who waited at the table, were clothed in
purple and one of the guests, Nomenta-
nus. was invited, in order that ho might
point out an excellent thing in danger
of passing unobserved The tapestry
suspended under the ceiling gave way
and came down amid a cloud of dust,
whereat Nomentanus. the natterer, be-
walled, while Varius smothered a laugh
in his napkin. And SO on, throughout
the whole portentious feast
Juvenal followed i'm the footsteps of
Horace, writing satires on the life about
him with keen and bitter wit. what
can I do at Romeo" he asks, in his ia
nous third satire. 81 cannot lie; I can
not praise a bad book and beg a copy: I
cannot cast horoscopes: cannot prom
Use fathers death to his heir"
Again, he says: Dire poverty has no
sharper sting than this. that it makes a
man ridiculous" But in another satire
he paints the contrasted picture of the
traveller with empty pockets laughing in
the bandits face. There Is a contem-
porary touch in his saying, HE who
wishes to get rich wishes to get rich
quick" and he says elsewhere that lost
riches are lamented with true tears. Ju-
venal has sharp word picture of the
Greeks, whom he seems to have respect
ed as little as did Shakespeare, for he
calls them a race Of comedians. If you
smile. your Greek friend shakes with
laughter. If he sees a tear in your eye,
he weeps. though he Is Indifferent If
you ask for little fire In winter. he pulls
his cloak about him. If YOU complain Of