davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1911-07-11

She-Doesnt u Worry you dreadful
" 20 owe 30 many bills you cannot
pay
He-No; why should 7 worry over
other peoples trouhIes-Omaha bee.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1911-07-11

The New Organist-what shall I
play7
The Absent-Minded Vicar (addictcd
10 a quiet rubber 81 bridgel-Er. we'll.
what sort OF a hand have you got7-
The Sketch.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1911-07-11
The Daily Chit-C Chat
BY RUTH CAMERON

w That @ splendid reality for ua To Keep loo mind but think that
\ friend of mrr hNt g brother who has always been al abnor
and won 600 DIS own family circle lbs always tho silent member and would
satu
q i"" months ago ,s brother had on mncss and the doctor who was
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1911-07-11
Newspaper Fails.

COLUMBUS. O.. July 1O-On pc.
ution Of a creditor the Columbus
News. an afternoon newspaper. was
placed I'm the hands Of a receiver
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1911-07-11

Sometime % man wonders whether
Doc was shaved by q barber or o. butch.
The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1911-07-11

shorter hours Of work and to-day they
struck.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
WRONG SORT
Perhaps Plain Old Meat, Potatoes and
Bread May Be Against You
for Z Time.

A change to the right kind of food
can lift one from a sick bed. A lady
in Weldon, Ill, says:
Last spring l became bed-fast with
severe stomach troubles accompanied
by sick headache. / got worse and
worse until I became SO low 1 could
scarcely retain any food at all, al
though l tried about every kind.
81 had become completely discour-
aged, and given up all hope, and
thought I was doomed to starve to
death, until one day my husband, try
ing 70 find something I could retain,
brought home some Grape-Nuts.
"To my surprise the food agreed
with me, digested perfectly and with
out distress. began to gain strength
at once. My flesh (Which had been
1abby), grew firmer, my health i'm
proved in every way and every day,
and in very few weeks 1 gained 20
pounds in weight.
Il liked Grape-Nuts SO well that for
four months I ate no other food, and
always felt as well satisfied after eat
ing as If I had sat down to fine ban
Quet.
Il had no return of the miserable
sick stomach nor Of the headaches,
that 1 used to have when 1 ate other
food. I am now a well woman, doing
all my own work again, and feel that
life Is worth living.
"Grape-Nuts food has been a God
send to my family; it surely saved my
life; and my two little boys have
thriven on 1t wonderfully" Name
given by Postum Co., Battle Creek,
Mich.
Read the little book, 1.-THE Road to
MELVILLE" in pkgs. There's reason"
Ever read the above letter. new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true and full of huma1
interest.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
THE COOLEST PLACE ON EARTH

What is said to be the coolest place on the globe
is the region of Verkholensk Siberia Here is a
convict station, but during most Of the year no
guards are needed to keep the prisoners from run
ming away, for in the more severe portions of the
winter no living creature can remain in the open,
and during the three most severe months, when
the temperature sometimes falls to IS degrees be-
low zero, dares to venture out for more
than few moments at time.
Ordinary steel tools will snap like glass, and
unseasoned wood becomes almost hard as
steel. When one breathes powder like the very
finest falls at ones feet 1t is said that there
are less forms of insect life here than elsewhere
In the world and some of those found are not
found elsewhere seemingly having been created
especially to inhabit such frigid region
Some of the signalservice officials declare that
most OF the severe cold waves that sweep across
the North American continent have their origin in
Verkholensk. The wind blows perfect gale almost
all the time, and that discomfort added to the low
temperature, would certainly make this very un.
pleasant place in which to spend the winter.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14


lea of the Scotch sailors remains. The resolution
called for an appropriation Of $4,000 to pay the
expenses. Then the fun began. The Knockers in
the house declared that the commodore was buried
deep in a cemetery under million-dollar business
structures on the Rue Grande Aux Bellies on
the Rue des Ecluses Saint Martin several
other rues which they could not pronounce.
Congress in it's humor had the aid and jocose
correspondents, who the Jest in the bones
search and made the most of it And here recol-
lection brings blush of contrition to the cheeks
of one who followed in the train. Members said
and correspondents wrote that the French doubtless
grady would allow their business palaces to be
dermined and toppled to ruin the payment OF
$4,000 of Yankee cash.
If Yankee cheek, the representatives said, aided
by French po1teness, could accomplish the purpose
OF building demolition, there would be small chance
of separating Jones bones with any certainty of
identity from those of the French sleepers in the
old cemetery One scoffer suggested with fine irony
that there might be a bit Of the original Scotch
skull left, and that Sidney Smiths rule might be
applied to make positive the Identification
Mr. Rainey undisturbed He not even
moved to surrender when suggestion made that
If the $4,000 were sent to some French grave
digger he would find the old sea dogs bones and
sailors autograph in the tiba of the left leg to
do it.
1t was two years the way but the last laugh
came, and 1t was Mr.. Rainey who had it. His
colleagues made amend for their scofing and their
scorning, and another jester Of the past writes
beated word Of contrition
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
AFRICAN WAS FRIGHTENED
on Darby While He Was
Asleep.

Arguing backward from effect to
cause" said Robert Edeson, isn't al
ways as easy as 1t seems. The other
day I happened to stroll along upper
Broadway, behind two mischievous
hospital internes when they came to
a large, fat, black African sitting On
a box sound asleep. His mouth was
wide open, displaying set of perfect
teeth and about 81 worth Of pink
tongue, at the prevailing rates. Ono
of the internes yielded to temptation.
He took a fve-grain quinine capsule
In his pocket, pried the end off, and
deity busted the bitter powder on
that tongue. Then he wakened the
negro. lis this Broadway" he asked,
by way OF excuse for the liberty.
THE negro rose. stretched himself,
and then began to SAVIOR that acrid
presence in his mouth. 'Um,' said he,
refectively. Um-um!' His eyes wild
ened and he clutched his throat
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
s1s1 AZ IN ssgn
Wisdom Of = ools
BY JAMES WILLIAM JACKSON


The chief clerk was about to take
his tenth annual vacation. In ten
years he had risen from office boy,
eliminated the last bit of hayseed
from his hair and discarded jean
trousers.
Il suppose, Marshall" the junior
member laughed, 1T will be two weeks
for you of making daisy chains with
the milkmaid back home, eh?"
Not in August" Marshall gently
deprecated, wondering whether his
chief had any idea of the proper
month for picking daisies.
'So?" The firm member obtusely
missed the point Maid have her va
cation then? Should think the COWS
would have to be MIXED just the
same"
Marshall had spent nine of his vaca-
tons satisfactorily back in Greenville
Ih1s year he had plans for a bit of
fashionable seashore life, AUTOMOBILE
ing, gay friends. Colonel Hanscom's
daughter, dashing lady, had helped
to persuade him.
He was hardly comfortable In the
decision, however. His mother would
be disappointed.
Salv1ng his conscience he nervous
ly tp-tapped his pencil and preached
the business which had brought him
to the office. Stealing had been going
On among the clerks somewhere:
Marshall had his definite suspicious,
and now outlined a plan of having the
cashier at the bank accidentally" put
an extra f1fty-dollar bill in the pack
age of payday money, for a trap.
On the way out of the Office he met
thompson, the suspected clerk.
Good morning, Mr.. Marshall" the
boy greeted. Il suppose this time Fri
day you'll be gee-hawing the COWS out
to pasture"
Marshall nodded good-naturedly.
His eyes narrowed ominously and he
shook his head regretfully. Thompson
was late. There was no doubt that he
lived an unhealthful life and was get
ting morally twisted.
When the money arrived and while
Thompson attended his customary
duty of filing the pay envelopes Mar
shall dreamily fancied himself on his
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14

vacation. Miss Hanscom was I'M
doubtedly interested in him. She was
the open sesame to a coterie of we'll
TODD and lively friends. And Marshall
was prospecting. He had some money
saved. A partnership was looming
up.
Miss Hooper looked up from her
typewriting to remind of the Green
vile on which he was turning his
back. Il hope you'll think out some
way Of raising our salaries while you
pick cherries this vacation, Mr. Mar
shall
Marshall bowed with a passing won
der that she didn't know cherries were
over by August. Then Thompson came
to his desk and reported that there
was fifty dollars too much In the
money package. The ruse had failed;
the matter was pigeon-holed until after
Marshall should return.
While Marshans thoughts again
fiuttered truantly from business to
sandy beaches and pleasure, touching
lightly en- route at Greenville, unin-
vited comparisons ranged themselves
Bashful ten years ago, he was now
self-possessed and somewhat polished.
Broadway now was more natural
he thought-than fields, whispering
trees and country things that peep at
night
Ten years ago Mary Garvis, with
plain face, big mouth and kitchen lore
had been to him an epitome of woman
ly charm. But times were different;
and SO was Miss Hanscom. There is
q difference between a diamond cut
and uncut.
His tmagin1ngs had extended from
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
Sized Him Up.

A veteran praising General Leon A.
Matile OF Washington, said: "Matile
was e quick judge of men. I remem-
ber just before the battle of Atlanta,
visitor presented his son to him.
The sou was a gawky, overgrown
SLOUGH of a lad, but the father, proud
like, said to Matile: Well, what do
you think of my boy?' The boy, his
eyes half-closed. leaned against tent
post, straw in his mouth, and his
hands in his pockets. Matile looked
at him shrewdly and replied: Well,
sir, I think il your boy had another
hand, he'd want another pocket"
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14

any human personality at all. When
he thought Of his own functions, he
his official capacity he is responsible
for more property than anybody else
In the United Kingdom, employs far
more people than any Individual or
corporation (212,364 at the last re-
port), prosecutes more malefactors
every day than the public prosecutor,
and sends out every week more apollo
gies for himself and explanations Of
his actions than all the rest of The
British population combined.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
To Make Fruit Jar Rubbers Last.

To have fruit jar rubbers last, keep
them well covered in jar full Of
flour until used, and as soon as re-
moved from empty jars. One can
then afford a good quality Of rubbers,
as kept thus they will safely last sew
eral seasons. When there is doubt of
old rubbers, they may often be made
to exc out one more season by using
two of the rubbers to each jar and
screwing down tight Always stand
newly filled jars upside down until
cool, to test the tops and rubbers.-
Designer.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
SURELY MAN OF MANY JOBS

in, take care of your savings, sell you
an annuity, postal order or a for
eign draft, invest your spare capital
in nice little government bond and
pay a weekly pension to your aged
mother or aunt.
He carries letters and other mail
matter, transmits kilograms, cable
grams and wireless messages, main
tains an enormous staff OF messenger
boys and conducts an express CON-
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14

pany business for every sort of par
eel, from halfpenny packet up to
shipments Of eggs, dressed poultry
and fresh fish
He collects all the worn copper
coins for the British treasury. He
has factories for making his supplies
and an electric central station OF mis-
own in London for lighting his offices,
bringing the current through his ca
BILE ducts.
At dinner the other night the
postmaster general confessed that ne
sometimes doubted whether he had
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
SASKATOON Of

SASKATOON offers prosperity to far
mers in every branch. Get a farm in
SASKATOON district, and your own and
family's future need worry no more. You
were not intended to live and die striving
merely to make ends meet Half the work
here would swiftly fatten your bank ac-
count. Be fair to yourself. Don't waste
more time. Write Commissioner, Board of
Trade, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Western
Canada
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
British Postmaster General Can Not
Be Said to Be an Idle
Individual.

The British postmaster general is
what Londoners call a universal pro-
WIDER, regular department store Of
public functions
He will insure your life, give you
q little bank to hoard your pennies
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
Sensitive

. you don't like educated Indians!"
"Oh, yes, like them we'll enough, but
| always feel a sense of shame when
l meet one. He knows that my an
cestors cheated his ancestors out of
their land, and he knows that / know
he knows it,
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
No Help.

No Help.
ST. Louis travelling man, making his first trip
through North Dakota, woke up May morning
to find the ground white with snow
For Heavens sake" he asked the hotel clerk
disgustedly, when do you have summer out in
this country"
Il don't know" replied the clerk Il have only
been here IL months Success
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
Grouchy,

Yes" said the clerk. "if 1t wasn't
for several severe attacks OF dys-
pepsia I'd have a good paying job
by now"
II didn't know you suffered from
dyspepsia"
"Oh. my. yes! My boss has had
an attack of it every time 7 applied
for raise. Standard and
Times.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
The Question.

Are we making history?" inquired
the Mexican insurgent.
What a question, general"
II ask 1t seriously. Are we making
history or just few films for the
moving picture people?"
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14

Mrs. Benham-The paper tells about
a man who stole head of lettuce and
then went back and got another, be-
ing arrested On the second trip.
Benham-Ill bet you can't make that
fellow believe that two heads are bet
ter than one
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
Feminine Reasoning.

Stella-Her gown is just like yours.
Bella don't care if hers is a dupli-
cate of mine, but | don't want mine q
duplicate of hers.-Puck.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14

'Nevah min whether this is Broadway
Or not, wife man., he said You go
git er doctah, er day'll be daid mig
gah on dis corner All done bus mai
gall "-Young's Magazine
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
No MEDINA DaY BARGAINS.

The Husband during the quarreD
You're always making bargains
Was there ever a time when you
didn't?
The Wife-Yes, sir; on my wedding
day.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
StOp the Pain

Inc hurt of burn or a cut stops when
Goes Carboltsalve is applied. 1t heals
quickly and prevents scars. Zoe and soc by
druggists. For free sample write to
j. w. Cole & Co., Black River Falls, wis.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
The Humorous Hat.

Has she any sense of humor?"
L don't think so. She can look at
her hat without laughing" -Lippin.
colts.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14
Among the RUDE Stars.

Il Sundayed on Mars" said the first
travelling salesman How about your"
I'm making the small planets.
Guess I'll have to Sunday on some
water tank star"
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14

sawdust; whole pepper made of tapioca and lamp
black; cocoa made of walnut shells and oxide
and thousand and other foods aduterated
in thousand and one ways.
The drinks were worse. From the exposition
made in the house-and in this subject interest
deeper than any draught that he had ever taken
was shown by every member-it would seem
that the man who leads friend to the bar and
asks what he will have gives his friend choice
for the bartender will set out what the spirit
moves, and it seldom will move pure spirit
The members of congress learned by formulas
presented, bearing the and address of deal
ers, that skim milk masquerading cream Is
deception of babe-like innocence compared with
the pure domestic" and fine imported" whskies
and cordials which set forth for the damnaton
of a drinkers stomach If not for the damnaton
of his soul. The hope may be expressed possibly
without incur1ng the charge of vindictiveness, that
in this case the returns to roost behind the
bar.
To Representative Henry T. Rainey is due large
ly the fact that the bones of John Paul rest
in the land for which he fought. 1t was the Hill
nois Democrat who first took up the matter of the
search for the commodores remains and who
started the investigation which later made General
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14

Porter's work possible.
Mr.. Rainey never has been
given credit in full for his
share of the labor, for
modesty has held him
silent.
Congress at the outset
did enough to discourage
ten men of ordinary en-
ergy from carrying on the
quest for anybody's bones.
Mr.. Rainey refused to be
gibed out of his purpose,
and although he could not
induce his colleagues to
take him altogether seri-
ously, he followed the bent
of his belief in other direc-
tons and now John Paul
Jones rests at Annapolis.
The Illinois member in
troduced a resolution pro-
viding for the finding and
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14

nave AlI5. LUuS WOTIl LOT us
central subject, but he in
troduced matters by saying
that she would return to
America, mot Princess
Alice, but the same modest,
unassuming daughter of the
president that it was her
wont to be-"
Mrs. LongWorth came in
to Mr.. BoutelPs speech only
as an incident Of discourse,
the Republican representa-
tive's main intention being
apparently to attempt to re-
flute the statement made by
Representative Wheeler Of
Kentucky that the Republi-
can party under present ad-
ministration was introduc-
ing "truculent sycophancy
and f1unkeyism" into our
intercourse with representa-
4funr ~ f~-.9r~
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1911-07-14

Undermine the simple life pedestal upon which
Thomas Jefferson stands
There were some people apparently who thought
that Mrs. Longwcrth, who is exPresident Roose-
velts daughter, might return from her honeymoon
trip abroad where she was treated in a measure
like a royal parsonage, in a frame Of mind in which
pride was dominant and that she might have lost
some Of her American simplicity Representative
Boutell made speech which Of course did not
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-11-12
2.PTI
n,%>% 10 RUSSIAN SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA

Guest" which is now being performed AT
the Prince of Wales's Theatre, London, MT
Walkley, Of The Times says.
1T is odd that theatrical fate should so
often cast Mr. Hawtrey for a Frenchman.
But when. as in the present instance Mr..
Arthur Playfair is supposed to be French
too the joke is complete There is not a
tone not a lineament. not a gesture IN
either Of them that is not blandly and IN
corrigibly British. But their nationality IL
of small account; it is their Individuality
that matters. IL is sufficient for each TO
be himself To see them together last
night. each scrupulously and neatly allow
ing himself 10 be himself, was great fun.
They were supposed to be arguing out
case Of conscience Mr. Hawtrey had got
engaged TO a millionaire's daughter under
false pretences, bolstered up by Mr.. Play
fair-who was TO share I'm the ultimate
plumber Then Mr. Hawtrey found that he
really loved the girl. and could not deceive
her any longer. His sense Of honesty was
too much for him But Mr.. Playfair point
ed out that his friend was in debt 10 him,
and, If the marriage fell through. would be
unable 10 pay. Honesty, il seemed had
more complications than had been sup
posed. The pair quarrelled violently, and
you sympathized with both sides-with Mr..
Hawtreys qualns Of conscience and with
Mr.. Playfair's disgust at them.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-11-12
pHILoLExlAN SOCIETY

.'Friar Bacon and Friar Bongay an
F,Iizabethan comedy dating from ahout
i-e0 Will re presented by the Philolexian
society in Brinckerhof Theatre. at CO.
iu,,bia University. on Friday ard Saturday
evenings and Saturday afternoon. Noveri-
~ y and IS The old play has been pro-
duce5 only once IN the country and has
80. been seen in New York. y was writ
ton nv Robert Greene university wit
,,hose work Just preceded Shakespeare
rho work was printed I'm 1894, and sold. a.
,ta original title page tells Us. at a shop
Eat the little North dore OF Fouies' al the
signe of the Gun" The play itseH ~ al
oddly put together romance Spectacle ana
folklore; kings and magicians' the devli
himself. are al present the medieval
story of the Brazen Head Is prominently
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-11-12
Inr I'm MA B'way aud - 81.
HIP Hf6N a Ewes. t. Matinees
uUI VIII = " Wed. a sat at 10
DhNue al

introduced. linking the plot with the Roger
Bacon Of legend.
The play is given with the advice OF
prardar Matthews and Professor Ashley
n ThorniNe. model Elzabethan stage
has been planned showing the curious
features peculiar to the early playhouses
G. far as possible all details will be In
Eeening. and quaint bits of stage practice
1.,,e been rc~urrected 10 make tho per-
rcrmauce faithful to tbe old custom.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-11-12

Of the translation by John \. Raphael OF
Tristan Bernard's. comedy, The lnlnFl'eo
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-11-12

Arnold Bennett and Edward hhoDiauc"
two wei known dramatists Of the DAY nave
1ust coliaborated on play eh'It'eu Niiie
stones" which Will soon be produced ]"
LONDON
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-11-12
ELMENpoRF ON "THE RIVIERA

With his illustrated travel talk on The
Riviera" Dwight Elmendorf begins his
series Of FIVE lectures at Carnegie Hall
tonight. Mr. Elmendorf will describe the
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-11-12

Riviera as the land Of sunshine, Sayety
and flowers. the Mecca of Thousands who
bask in its whittier sunshine and enjoy
its endless round Of pleasures. Other lect-
,,res in the course will be- MILAN and the
italian Lakes" Florence and Venice "
,.Rnnen and "Naples.,