davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
Where the Laugh Comes In
I tried drink of water once Had nothing else to drink. > And by the by, 'tis not so dry l.

I tried a drink of water once
 Had nothing else to drink. >
 And by the by, 'tis not so dry
 As many people think. Kansas City Journal. The catalogue of seed is here; AS near as we can figure, There is no change this year from last Except the lies are bigger.
 Buffalo News. "He treats me like fool r' "Why, didn't know he knew you I" Toledo Blade.
 What an awful looking sight that woman is "
 "Yes my dear, but isn't she stylish ?" Detroit Free Press.
 Do you have any trouble in getting a maid ?''
 "Oh, no I got 10 last month. '- Philadelphia Bulletin.
 "I always agree with my husband, , "Very sweet of you"
 Except of course, when he is in the wrong. ."-Exohange.
 Tom-"I can't understand you. You're riddle to me."
 Tess (his fiance) )-"Then maybe you'd better give me up."-Clipped. Landlady-"You've either got to pay your rent or leave"
 Deadbroke-"Oh. thanks. At the last place they made me do both. ''- Judge.
 Do you think he'll leave any foot prints on the sand of time ?"
 He ought to leave a good many. He's always side-stepping. Washing ton Herald. Book agent-"Don't go into that house -therszis scarlet fever there !' His co-wOrker-"I couldn't catch it if wanted to. carry health insurance. Puck.
 MT. Jawback-"My dear, was one of the first to leave"
 Mrs. Jawback-"Oh, you always say that" MT. Jawback-''I can prove it this time. Look out and see the beautiful umbrella I brought home" - Toledo Blade.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
HoRRoRscoPE-MARcH 30.

Planetary influences just now demoral- izing the weather clerks sense of de- cency. Man that is born of woman is a poor stick, these days. He goes to roost during a thunder storm and is hustled out of bed to shovel snow. Who's to blame? Pudd'n tame. Good time to stay married if yoH are so, and get so if you ain't. Business Mems Association next Monday night going to start the wheels going around. Every little bit added to what you we got, makes just a little bit less for the other fellow. Rub it in. Too much of a good thing covers a multitude of sins.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
Car Decapitates Baby

A Bridgeport trolley car decapitated two-year-old Filomena Saccoae. after the car fender lifted and allowed her to roll under the wheels. The child stumbled as she was crossing the street in front of the car and fell. The fender rolled her along for short distance and then lifted and let the body go under the wheel which ran over her neck. The crew of the car were arrested, but allowed to go on the understanding that they would appear in court when wanted.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
LIFE'S MIXING.
BY EMMA RoDEMEYER WATT.

We must mix with the world to make life complete, Must accept the bitter as we'll as the sweet. Life is not all shadow, it is not all shine; It is not all your way, it is not all mine.
 We give of our bounty, of what's in the heart And of all the wide world we must take a part; And we must be patient cen when things go wrong, For through opposition we learn to be strong. Pure love is the magnet that brings back to you Of earth richest treasures the good and the true. It is in the mixing we re put to the test And we must be careful to give but the best
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
The Connectiut Production

The recent report of the tariff board in connection with Canadian reciprocity shows that the total capacity of Con- necticut paper mills per year IS 133, 3,745 tons, which is made up as follows : Seven thousand eight hundred twenty five tons of news print paper, 5,008 tons of writing paper, 908 tons of book paper. 4,632 tons of tissue paper, 10, 100 tons of wrapping paper, 94,057 tons of paper board, II 1905 tons of specialties.
 The report further shows that the average value of improved farm land in Connecticut an acre was $63 in 1910, compared with $42 an acre in 1900, an increase of 50 per cent. during the de- cade. Comparative figures in a table show that there is only one province of Canada where farm land equals or ex- ceed in value Connecticut improved farm land That IS British Columbia, where the value was $73 an acre last year, compared with $55 aa acre ten years ago, an advance of B per cent. The farm lands of Connecticut are ex- ceeded in value by farm lands in only three other states, Iowa, Illinois and Indiana, in the order named.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
GOOD FRIDAY
Gov. BaldwIn's Proclamation Sets
 April IA as Fast Day.

HpTlI I%f as ' dSl Lay
 Governor Baldwin has issued a pro- clamation setting aside Friday, April IA, as Fast Day. The proclamation fol lows:
 In accordance with what has been for centuries the pious custom of this com monwealth, l appoint Friday, the four teenth day of April, next, as a day of fasting and prayer. and I recommend the people to use what thus becomes a legal holiday as. in the original sense of the word. holy day, to be especially consecrated to the worship and the ser vice of God.
 Given under my hand and the seal of the state, at the capitol in Hartford, this twenty third day of March. in the year of Our Lord. one thousand, nine hundred and eleven, and the independ- ence of the United States, the one hun dred and thirty-ffth
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

Apparently the matters of public utilities, court of commerce, compensa- tion act, employers liability, etc. are of less importance, in the estimation of our august statesmen in Hartford, than the nasty little fight over New Haven police court judgeship.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
THURSDAY. MARCH 30, 1911
HUMAN LIFE

When all is done human life is at the greatest and best but like for ward child that must be played with and humored 8 little to keep it quiet till it falls asleep, and then the care is over.-Sir W. Temple.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

Deer will remain protected in Connecticut until 1917. Now if the legislative Solons will declare per- petual open season on all worthless dogs and all dogs of any kind that are not kept where they belong, it will be another step in the right direction.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

MT. Busy Business Man, just stroll into the monthly meeting of the Business Mems Association, at the Canfeld, next Monday evening. You may get interested.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

Su ch hot climate" it becomes all the nore convenient to endorse the very generally accepted theory that Eve handed Adam a lemon.
 But whatever it was, it did the business. and put the whole bloomin' breed of us to the necessity of hustling for our grub.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

The political joke of the season would be for the New York legislature to re- elect Chauncey Depew to the United States senate, as key to the deadlock. And stranger things have happened.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
PROVERBS OF DANIEL

Dan Sweeney says: 'The rolling stone gathers no moss,' but neither does it allow itself to be used as a bedquilt by colony of grub-worms and doodle<bugs."
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

willis-"I'm raising 800 chickens on a five-fooJ lot"
 Gillis-"That's nothing. You ought to see the female relatives my wife is taking care of in our flat Pluck.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

While your taking off your winter underwear, leave it on. March has another full day yet, and it should be remembered that March came in like lamb.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

Those high financiers, Morse and Walsh, must oontinue-in durance vile, President Taft having declined to set them at liberty. Society at large will neither suffer nor mourn because of their continued absence from it.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

There should be order ln all things. For instance. only recently we dis covered that the proper method Is to hook her party gown first and fix the furnace afterward. Reversing the order cost us $32.50 for new gown and spoiled her whole evening. besides,- Detroit Free Press.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

Col. N. Burton Rogers, who has just ben elected mayor of Danbury by an overwhelming majority, goes in like 8 lion, all right.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

New York city is becoming alarmed over the prospect of water shortage. May have to tap Wall Street.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
AS AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM

The News should appeal with special force to the sagacious business man.
 It has an extensive circulation in Western Connecticut, and especially throughout Litch- field County and Southern Berkshire.
 It has competent staff of wide-awake cor respondents in the various towns to report the local dongs each week. and goes into the homes aud is perused by the entire families of the the long headed advertiser most desires to reach
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

Subscribers are requested to notify the pub fisher promptly of any failure to receive paper regularly, changes of residence etc.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

If Chicago succeeds in exterminating the Black Hands,it might be fine thing to get after the black-legs.of the windy City
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

Lawyer (annoyed) )-"Better take your case somewhere else. You are too thin skinned for me-"
 Chent-"H Hardly pay to skin me. eh?' Boston Transcript.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

That new trolley street is to be called Berkshire street. Any kick on that?
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

Only two weeks more of Lent. Theu what?
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
Get Together.

Weather, weather everywhere, and not day in season.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
THE NEWS AGENTS

THE NEWS AGENTS Extra copies of The News are on sale at the office of publication and at
 HumphreyIs Drug Store, Canaan, Eggleston's Drug Store, Sharon, Post Office, East Canaan. D. H. Oakes Store. Lakeville, Post Office Falls Village, George T. Johnson's Store, Norfolk, F. H. Smith & Co.'S Store Ashley Falls.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
WRITE LETTER AsoUTIT

Communications on subjects of general inter est to The News readers are invited, but no will be paid to anonymous letters.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

\ SUITABLE REWARD is offered for return of small silver Swiss hunting-case watch with chatelaine pin attached, mailed at West Corn wall in September last and addressed to sharon Valley. Address Box 83, West Ccrn- wall, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

WANTED-To rent blacksmith shop for horse shoeing and 1obbing in a good country place. Address, NJ. H., 219 Rockwell Street, Winsted, Conn.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

wANTED-A farm, % to 50 acres within two miles of Catholic Church. Running water: fair buildings. Box s4 Falls Village, Ct
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
MISCELLANEOUS

TO RENT-After April first, the Capron property
 at South Canaan, l.. w Baird, Falls Village.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30
WANTED

WANTED-Live poultry.
 M. c. Dean, Falls Village. WANTED-Single man on dairy farm, must be of good character and good milker
 Rogers Farm, West Cornwall, gt.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

AR. PATTEN, optcan of Torrington, ,onn.,
 will be at The Ianfleld" hotel the first Mon- day and Tuesday afternoons of each month.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

wANTED-Live Poultry. Telephone e64.
 k. T. Rowe. Canaan.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

HORSE CLIPPING-By an experienced horse
 clipper; electric power, c. F. Badgley, Canaan.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

S. R. STARK, Nurse, Canaan. Telephone l5-a
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

wANTED-Nursemaid for child year and a half old. Lakeville. Good wages, modern house, all conveniences Address, A, care News office.
Connecticut western news., 1911-03-30

BARN TO RENT
 Mrs. II. D. Humphrey, Canaan.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
The Royal Box.

Two thrones OF solid silver are be
ing cast at the Calcutta mint for the
king and queen at the coming Delhi
durbar.
Prince Christian. the crown prince
Of Denmark. will visit the United
States In a short time and win be
received with distinguished honors.
Prior 70 his arrival he will spend a &c.
tie time at the Danish West Indies.
Amelie. the queen mother Of Portu-
gals deposed boy sovereign. Is quite
unlike the queens in fairy. tales. who
sits. all day looking dignihed and
bored. She Is always busy. She
makes work for herself and is happy
In II
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
FIippant filings.

With the opening OF the grand opera
season the music loving public viii
hope to change from Caruso canned to
Caruso on the hooE-Chicago News
Thomas A Edison In a recent inter
view IN Paris gave forth the opinion
that people sleep too much. Maybe
that's why he invented the phono-
graph--Baltimore Sun.
Professor Sargent OF Harvard says
trousers beat a skirt sitting. standing.
walking or running. But did the pro-
fessor ever try to shoe a hen with a
pair Of trousers?-Springheld CMass.D
Union.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
Fashion Pointers.

A Baltimore savant says Atlas, who
held up the world. was q woman Wo-
men certainly can hold up the world
during the spring and fall bonnet sea
sons--Grand Rapids Press
Our Interpretation Of the advance Il
lustrations is that the fashionable Wo-
man this season will have less hair
and more hips than last year and that
her new hat will give her ears q show.
Galveston News
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
JuSticiahIe.

"Justiciable." being q perfectly cor
rect word. is entitled to q place along.
side OF ''innocuous desuetude ."-Chica-
60 Tribune
Better still. lean a stepladder up
against 'tinnOcuous desuetude." max
ing sure Of the quantity In "desue-
tude." and then take 'Justiciable" up
to the top between a pair Of tongs,
lean over and let il fall in.-Boston
Globe.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
College and School.

Boston has selected the site for .
new high school Of commerce
The Catholic University Of America.
Washington. has become a coed" In
stitution.
In a quarter OF q century the number
OF members enrolled in the national
college fraternities has risen from
1900 to almost 10000.
On Oct p. 1746. a bill was passed
In the New York assembly to raise
$11.250 by lottery for the erection Of
Kings college. now Columbia uniVer-
sity.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

The haldheaded man IL q happy old guy,
Though some persops never can, under
stand why. So 49,
It's because his decided capillary lack
Enables his mtrth loving fellows to crack
Rare Wheezes and jests on the giistsning
state 49,.
OF his 1ollity superinducing old pate
Thus he spreads 10Y and sunshine wher-
ever he goes.
And the debt the world owes him Just be
alone knows grr.- .t-.
Springfield Union
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

The Town Of Lake Womau's Club
gave their second annual gentleman's
night and reception, Wednesday eve
ming, at the home of Mrs. Williams,
$3.50 La Sale street. Quite a number
of gentlemen and ladies were present
to honor the occasion Choice re-
freshments were served, and a pro-
gram consisting Of music and speak
ing were the leading features Of the
evening. Mrs. Emma Stewart, Presi-
dent of the Club. was there to greet
its many members and friends.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
CHIPS

Mr.. and Mrs. Jno. Quander OF
Washington, D. C., passed through
Chicago on Wednesday en- route to
San Francisco, Cal, where they will
embark, Tuesday morning Of next
week for the PHILIPPINE Islands. They
are to remain FIVE years. While here
they were entertained at the home OF
Mrs. E. w. Shanklin by Miss Diana
Hackly, 6506 St Lawrence ave.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

"A
NEVvs eTAHS0'
r,.., a. - 49,. nj. -. -.
AZ ne F'H'~ins New 's."G':
). 5 D.-.z:. =. ..'. ~-
A. =. r.r1aloa. cigar s.or. ..A
news stand 1904 statS StrOSt
r J. Jones, news StAnG. karSsr
George L Martin. maker q Aas
cigars and news stand u ". S1ss
Mn. Nellie PSslps. asAEs. asuols
nSr Doars'A
". q cOSO OisEa. tOOosso "a
nsu SeHaA. "a v. S1st StrOst HsaRI
DsarSe1a-
-. -. -
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Viper vine and viper broth were In
old Zines IN high repute among the
Romans and Greeks for purifying the
blood and inyigorating WORKOUT con
stitutions. these reptiles forming nee
essary article In the shop Of the apoth-
ecary.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

The Angier-Is this public water for
ishing? So.
p The Eative-Oh. aye!
The Angler-Then II. won't be crime
to land a fish: +
+The Native-No; it 'ud be q bIoomin'
miracle!-Tatler
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
The White House Mistress.

The White House Mistress.
There is probably no situation easier
20 Gil. fas far as mere technical OBJ
servance goes. than that Of the wife
Of the president Of the United States
She has a set Of simple Official duties
as hostess OF the white House to per-
form. II she Is III or feels unable TO
performs them she is readily excused.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
BUILDINGS In Bermuda.

Buildings IN Bermuda are largely
constructed OF the native stone which
uDderiies that island and which Is the
result Of the. work Of coral and other
sea creatures. This stone is soft and
friabIe. but hardens with exposure. and
by the use OF cement it is made water
proof
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

/, Tailor-Has Mr.. Owens taken any
action on that bill OF his yet?
Collector-Yes. he kicked me out
the last time I called to collect IT.
Boston Transcript.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Our First Dental College.
The first American college Of dental
surgery was opened at Baltimore In
1899. with four professorships. design
ed for instruction in the principles and
mechanical practice Of the art.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

.Thoss Oosan llnsrs are splendid At,
fairS."
Yea answered the woman who
had been TO q summer resort 1t - q
splendid idea 10 build boats 90 large
that nobody can rock them"-Wash-
tngton Star.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

How ala your hrst stage appear
anes goY
'Eplendidly. When I sing the nrst
verse the audience yelled Fine. And
Gfter I'd finished the second they yell
q 1mpris0nmsntg "-Comic Cats.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
A Pinau. nflneurt..

In the middle Of the eighteenth cen
tury loeusts were 50 abundant in New
England that days Of fasting and
prayer were appointed, owing to the
wide reaching calamity. -
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

John Greenwood established the first
dental once AZ New. York city in 1Iss-
In 1870 be carved in ivory an entire
set OF teeth for President Washington
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

DOC. give me something for my
headache" did you ever have q
headache beforey' "Nope-usually AFT
eF."-ToIedo Blade.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Alderman Patrick J. Carr, who sue
cessfully trampled down all opposi-
ton at the primaries and at the city
election, last spring and made a. home
run into the city council from the
5th ward; is ever ready to serve his
constituents at all tilss, be they
Democrats or Republicans, and Alder
man Carr, IS up 10 shuF IN every way
and is making a first class city faith
er
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Mrs. Mary Harsh, 1868 Armour
avenue, entertained party of eight
at a ten course dinner, last Sunday
in honor of Mrs. Matte Drakeford, OF
Harrisburg, Miss. The guests were
Mr.. and Mrs. Charlie Read, Mr.. and
Mrs. Spirey Manley, Master Willie
Manley, Miss HELEN Manley, Mrs.
Lulu Golden and Mrs. NJ. Drakeford,
who will depart for her home IN Mis-
sissippi, the latter part of this month.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

I'm glad we don't live In China"
said little Oswald. 1T must be awful
" tiresome 70 have 1t DARK all day and
the sun shining at. night"-chieagO
News
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Sweet charity may cover
A multitude Of sins.
But even stunning bathing suits
Reveal some knobby Sims
Judge.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

ThS hungry shipWTseksd seaman ala not
Srumbls a. his tate. ~
He msrsly took q calendar and hit HIN
~ -D.n.s New.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
The cJsanest Man.

(which Is the clea0est man." asks
the individual with the serrated
whiskers. "a man who has just come
from a Turkish bath or one who is
working in the mud and muck OF the
Panama canal. getting the bed ready
for the foundation Of the Gatun
damn q,
The one from the Turkish bath, Of
course" says the man with the dis
cOuraged eyebrows.
no. The other fellow Is . damsits
cleaner, you see-"-Ghicago Post.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

See here. RastnsyS sid the new ar.
rival At the hotal, 10 Jon mean % tsIi
ne that this eEg = frezhF
1T was when ut vas laia 81. =
EsplIed TIE waiter
-An6 Wksn Wa1 that, 6rayfs e.
named tha gueA
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Comedy IN Ancient Greece
Comedy was prohibited - iibelo1s n
Greece IN 40 B. G ..r-
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Ft.gt Canada. l
Canada Is an Indian word. meaning
collection Of hurs-s> ...
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

"Lst rs have peace said the Eng
hsh invader. Can you not see that
the white strangers love the red mem
"Ah. yes" replied the intelligent In
dian; they love the very ground We
walk upon."-Sacred Heart Review.
on. The tenor shippsd q bar. skipped q bar.
And the mad director gave a savage
froWn!
Oh. the tenor skipped q bar! But you
know how such things are
He didn't skip q bar On his
. way
down
town
. -NilWaukee News
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

They taIk about the power Of gold.
But the conditions now reveal
A general desire TO bold
A simple block Of common steel
Washington Star.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

More than one writer has described
the moon as riding high in mIdheaven
while IN the crescent stage. a condt
don OF things impossible on any night
Of the year.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
The Cottage Arc

"Ah dunno. boss" replied Rastus-
'Dis yere Is nah FIRST season at dis
yere hotel. suh."-Harper's Weekly.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

-Ars you sure that young smithson
loves yOu. and you aloneF' 'Oh, yes.
dad-more then than at any other
ttme"-Judge-
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

A pound Of dried eoehineaI contains
some 10000 cochineal insects.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

ny good man. are Jon systematic
IN your WORK. mo. sar: Tn rhsu-
matte S-Baltimore American
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
Cost of Living.

Anyway, we are not alone in our mis-
cry. The cost OF living is rising like
IN aeroplane IN Engiand.-Atlanta Con-
Stitution.
Beef Is said to be higher than at any
period since the war. The COW actual
ly will jump over the moon some day
Washington Post
A physician announces that be has
discovered a serum that will cure lazi-
ness. The present cost Of living is
curing It fast enough.-Detroit Free
Pres
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Ths boat rocking fool We would 20 for.
Hes q menace 10 many lives.
Bun hs isnt much worse than the chauf.
1aur Nea -a 9 ai-s -.
Who gAWks al around a. be drives.
Boston Transc1pE
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Newfoundland.
Newfoundland is said to be without
reptiles Of any character.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Raised Printing.
Raised printing for the blind was In
trodueed In 1890.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

She hsld him in thu hollow Of her hand
BIS admiration OF Il made him simple
This hollow OF her hand" you under
stand.
Was Just . most enhancing little dim
pleL
Catholic Standard and Times.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

What's In a name. ask Of you.
When Sue the graces mas completes?
While fitting names are all too few.
WHATS In a nams2. 1 ask OF you.
Blanche Il not fair nor Constance truO
Pearl Is no gem nor Lily sweet
What's In a name. l ask Of you,
When Sue the graees has cOmpleteH
Puck
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

~DO you know Miss GanyiousH"
= mot % speak To-" But 1 thought
yOu had called on her." Il did. but
Ghs did al of the taIEing" -poIedO
BladA ~ - = -
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
an..d snunA

Sound travels through the air at the
rate Of about thirteen miles q minute.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

The circular saR was invented IN
the year 1TsO-
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
An Ancient Psrfums

An Ancient PerfunO.
Hebrews IN 1891 B. @. used q per
fume composed Of sweet spices, stacte.
onycha and galbanum." tempered to
gether with pure frankiDeense.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14
sIapeharPs Ascent

Blanchards Ascent -
Francois Blanchard at philadelphia,
jan 9. 1793. made the first balloon as
eensiOn IN America Il was witnessed
by Washington. y &.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

IN the financial game today
Vast sums 70 various owners skip.
A million dollars IA. they say.
Enough to buy Just one white chip
-WRshingtop Star.
The broad ax., 1911-10-14

Two furnished q unfurnished rOoms,
strictly modern, 70 rsnk SIS Forest
avsnna Ph6ns Doasiaa k1sa