The Adair County news. [volume] (Columbia, Ky.) 1897-1987, 1911-12-13
TAKING The CURE.
Graphic Pen Picture of Carlsbad
and Its Dyspep.ics.
r1UD BATHS AND VILE WATER
The Victims Drink often and Drink
Deep and Absorb With the Evil Brew
Large Doses of Misery-An Un-
pleasant and Costly Road to Health.

pleasant and Costly Road to Health.
A city shaped like a cup. cup con-
tanning hot water. The sides of the
city are clothed with pines. and in the
hollow lie the waters where the dys-
peptics of the world foregather to
drink and to be healed. They desire to
be freed from excess of fat, from yell
low skins, from pains that catch one
in the small of the back and from the
stiff joints that follow hard upon the
pleasures of the too abundant board.
In Carlsbad you drink often and
drink deep. Drinking is your main
occupation. Your drinking glass is
strapped over your shoulders as you
wander. slipping from spring to spring
as assiduousiy as any one bee. but
you do not get honey.
Your misery begins at G. At 6 O'Clock
they call you, and you are expected to
be shaved and decent before you face
the world of waters and of miserable
sinners at O'clock. If you had not
been miserable sinner. too. you would
not be here. but you have done those
things you ought not to have done and
you have left undone those things you
ought to have done, and your penalty
is Carlsbad.
So you take your place at the end of
queue 800 dyspeptics long and wish
you were dead. You very nearly are.
for no morning tea" sustains you: they
forbid that; it is strictly against the
law. You take your turn at the ''3pru
del" spring uncontrolled by the cook.
Everything contributes to your misery.
A German close behind you is tread
ing on your heels and breathing loudly
down your neck. and a gentleman in a
curious top hat is conducting an or
chestra with intent to make you merry.
He fails. You hate him. And every
moment you draw nearer to the "Spru-
der' spring. 1t leaps from the bowels
Of the earth toward the roof Of the
colonnade shrouded in its own steam.
and a girl in waterproof overalls
catches you a glassful by means of
long pole.
Then you retire to corner with the
evil brew and try to drink it. 1t tastes
Of dead rats-hot ones. long dead. Your
character may be OWNED by your
method of Dealing with it. 1t may be
faced as one faces a pet beverage.
with an air." or it may be dallied with
In sips-or thrown away. 1t may beat
you altogether. but this is rare. The
ho r1apa1 xr-hn dnae, hic uaor
~ cure has a trick with little glass
pipe. He is initiated by the wise. Aft
er the first fell glass you hurry to the
little glass pipe stall and buy little
glass pine for your very own, and half
an hour later you brace yourself to-
gether for the second dose. If you
have sinned deeply you may be order
ed even three. but probably you viii
be let off with two goes of ''Sprudel'
and one of something lighter.
An hour afterward you may have
an inadequate meal of sour milk, one
egg and a browny roll that would baf-
fie dentist. During the morning you
will be required to undergo a bath.
possibly OF, mud. reeking with curative
properties and very expensive-as ex-
pensive as the lunch you would like
to have .afterward if they would let
you. Even as it stands your mockery
Of a meal, fruit. rice and a bit of
boiled bird climbs up to a total hither-
to unassociated with such elementary
insufficiencies. At 4 O'Clock you drink
more water AT 10 the long day closes
with final gulp, and the dinner inter
vening is beneath the dignity Of words
of any words.
Sixty thousand of the sorrowful sub
ject themselves to these penalties year
ly every summer.
But in spite of the 10000 you will
probably be lonely soul in Carlsbad.
Its dietetic system does not make for
sociability or mirth. But as the days
go by the pink hues of health begin to
return to your cheek. your color ceases
to be drab and your temper becomes
less vile. You find you can tolerate
your fellow man with some degree of
courtesy even when he breathes down
your neck and clears his throat in the
region of your ear. There is less of
Hamlet about you and more Of Puck.
for your days are ordered now more in
conformity with natures plan and your
reward is an equability that is foreign
to the life Of broken laws in the piece
from whence you came. For two or
three weeks this quickening process
will develop and continue until in the
exuberance Of health You return to
your land.
When you are not here Carlsbad puts
its shutters up and goes away to cure
itself Of the tedium of having cured
you. and By the time it has finished
with you its Golfers are quite com
fortably stocked against holiday. for
you were not ''cureguest' for moth
ing. Still you were cured. and cure
is always cheap. But on the whole
perhaps 1t would have been cheaper
if you had kept the law.-London Mail.