The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1911-02-03
When the
Deacon Gave In
By NJ. QUAD
Copyright, 1910. by Associated Lit
erary Press.
By M. QUAD

The widow had known the deacon's
wife in life End was with her when
she died.
The Widow Spicer was a church
member, but there were few things
she SHE'D at. For instance, she didn't
believe the whale swallowed Jonah.
Strangely enough, Deacon Williams
had never heard of the Widows disbe-
lief. 1t did not come to his ears until
he had been a widower for three
years and until new minister took
the pulpit. When he learned of it his
surprise was great He was also in
clined to resent the heresy. He v0lun-
teered to call and have Il talk with
Mrs. Spicer. and the minister thought
it might be q good thing. though he
added:
But l hope there won't be no heat
ed argument. Brother Williams. Argue
gently. Argue on the large size of the
whale and the small size of Jonah
Gentle argument and persistency may
accomplish much"
The deacon called and talked about
the weather and the later bugs until
he had opportunity to introduce Jo-
nah. He wanted to go right in like
chOpping wood. but he remembered
the minister's caution. and argued
gently The widow didn't get fierce
over it, but declared that until she
saw the thing done with her own eyes
she shouldn't believe the whale story.
Deacon Williams left in apparent
good humor. but he didn't feel all
right just the same.
Perhaps we shouldn't be TOO anx-
ious about it, said the minister when
he saw that the matter was being
taken very seriously
The deacon had married a woman
who firmly believed that the sun moved
around the earth. 1t had taken him
three years after marriage to bring her
to his way of thinking, but he had won
the victory. Why not marry the Wild
Ow Spicer and bring her to believe the
whale story? That was the starting
point. From thence the deacon brought
himself to see that Mrs. Spicer had a
comfortable home, was said to be a
fine housekeeper and was president of
the Ladies Aid society and treasurer
of the Ladies' Heather Benevolent as
ISOLATION. Taken all around, it would
not be a bad thing. He could have let
the minister into the little plan. but he
figured to wait and surprise him.
The Widow Spicer thought pretty
we'll of Deacon Williams. as all other
folks did Perhaps her condition was
fOrIorn. Perhaps she wanted to be
cheered up. Perhaps she fell in love.
No one can tell about these things,
and it's no ones business anyhow. In
due time they were married. When
the minister congratulated the deacon
the latter smiled knowingly and said:
"Ask my wife month hence wheth-
e. she believes the whale swallowed
JONAH
"Ah. the influence of a husband! l
shall be very pleased"
But he wasn't He called one after
noon when the deacon was working in
his sawmill and introduced his subject,
and it was hardly off his tongue when
the ex-widow replied:
81 have had three or four rows with
the deacon about it. but I'm doubling
more than ever. He says I've got to
believe, and l say 1 won't. and there
you are"
From thence on, as the neighbors got
to know and whispered about. that
was sad house. There was never an
hour in the day that some reference
was not made to Jonah. 1t would
have been great relief had they
changed off to Daniel in the lions den,
but they never did. 1t had become the
scandal of the church and the gossip
of the village. when one day tin ped
dler came along and heard all about it.
Among other houses he called at to
exchange his wares for cash or paper
rags was that of Deacon Williams. All
his talk with the unbelieving wife was
not about trade He threw out hint
or two as to what could be accomplish
ed by a determined woman. Then
he went down to the sawmill and got
up talk with the deacon and during
the conversation managed to announce
the fact that when a wid0wer married
a widow and there were no children
all her property at her death went to
her relatives. The deacon hadn't con-
sidered this fact. and it gave him
start.
When he went home at noon he said
nothing about Jonah. The wife seem
ed to have been weeping. His dignity
forbade his asking why. Even when
she kissed him he couldn't sacrifice his
pride. Jonah or bust was still his
watchword. However, he didn't feel
just right, and he started for home an
hour earlier than usual. 1t was to
find the wife on the bed apparently
breathing her last, and note on the
stand that she had taken poison.
The deacon hustled for the neigh
bors. He bumped for the doctor. He
galloped to the drug store. He called
himself names. He kicked himself.
He actually swore like a lightning rod