El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-01-30

OF woman dat don't lax TO talk. Dere
is somethin' unnatural an curis about
her.
I specs dere must be- says Ike.
but eff you Is seed a woman DAT don't
lax to talk you Is out travelled me.
amt never had the pleasure Of behold
IN one, yet has been TO a eirksss,
and seed de Bearded Woman. an de
Livin' Skeleton, an de man what writ
wild his toes an de odder freaks. buh
dere want no Silent Woman amongst
dem, dough I misdouts dere wouldn't
a been a married man, far or near dat
wouldn't paid out good money Jest
for the pleasure OF seem her
howsOmever. ole LADY he goes on.
don't think dat you gifts de meanin'
OF dis heah Eyetalian Doctors straight
when he says DAT de great cure for
nervousness is for women to quit talk
in. He don't mean dat for women to
shet up will cure de women themselves.
He means dat hit VIII cure DER hus-
bands Dis amt no female preserip-
ton Hits a remedy for men.
An right dar Is whar I takes my
stand wild dat doctor and holds up his
hands. as de Good Book says Yessurn.
dats great man. dat doctor is, an he
done put his finger right on de trouble.
an asplain why so many DO, onfOrtu-
nate men IS nervous wrecks Hits be-
case der wives talks too much, an de
cure for hit is for de wives to cut out
de chin music.
sYassum,'' says Ike wild a raourufrl
air. der amt nuthin. no danger. nor
nuthin, dat can make a man so ner-
vious as bis wife's tongue Now, des
look at me- Use a big, strapDin'. able
bodied man dat is q boss bricklayer
eff I does say IT myself Manys de time
dat Evalks on a little narrow scaffold
OATS eight or ten stories above de
street, an I Frances along dat Wild no
fence
The Theory Applied.
But des let me stop By de corner
saloon for game OF craps. an a little
beer TO keep things from bein' dry. an
when starts home. an gifts to thInkin'
ABOUT all dem things dat you Is been
settin' up thinkin' OF TO say To me. Nj
randy, gifts so nervous dat By de time
reaches home my hand IS shaking so
dat can't git the key In the keyhoIe.
Yassum OATS 50. and dat amt all
When I IS a thinkin' bout stepping
round to de Lodge to spend de evenfn'
Wild some friends, an jest as I reaches
for my hat catches 20 eye, an sees
you sort Of beginnin' to tune up 20
talkin' machine hit makes me dat
trembiy dat my legs gives way onderl
whar sets fast ontil bed time.
An I tells you. 3iirandy dat you
has well nigh wrecked my constitu-
ton wild de things dat you has said
to me on dem occasions when I Is held
out few bones on you out OF my
pay envelope.
'Cose dere amt no truth in 20 sus-
piciOns dat 7 give Sally Sue Jones dat
hat, Wild de weepin' willow fodder on
it, but de sleep lost whilst you was
spressin' yo'self on de subject almost
landed me in de hospital
Yas, woman. sf I is ever one 0
desc heah neuresthenys. you amt I'd
nobody but yo'seB to blame for hit
An amt de only man cats
tremblin' on de verge Of nervous bros
tration on account OF DER wives talk
In You Jest watch any man you lalf
an every time he hears his WIFE
voice. he jumps.
Oh goes on Ike. in a sad voice.
what mOurnful thing hit Is to see
all de po'. nervous wrecks OF mend
about US an TO think dat we could alff
be cured by our wives holdin' DER
tongues
What would you do If I should quit
talxin'2 % I axes Ike.
I should grab my hat and run for
de doctor" spoons Ike. for I would
know dat you was in a dyin' state"