The Washington herald., 1911-08-12
TRYING TO REMAKE
HUSBAND IS FUTILE
Accept the Sweet and Let
the Bitter Go.
By DOROTHY DIX.


MY marriage" said the third woman,
was a failure because 1 believed that
I held a divine commission to make over
a man-to put my little paper pattern
down on his habits and character, and
cut them over according to my taste.
"Of course I couldn't do it. No wom-
an can do it. But a great many women
can do just what / did-destroy all the
happiness of married life, and eventu-
ally kill love itself, by their ceaseless
efforts to make their husbands do their
way instead of letting the poor creatures
follow their own inclinations. And the
funny part about this business is that
we women do it not only with a clear con-
science, but with a sense of righteous
ness. We are never sure that We are
doing our full duty by our husbands as
when We are interfering with all their
pleasures. and little ways, and making
them do something that they don't want
to do We call this being a good wife,
but men call it nagging.
Il married a handsome and attractive
young man, who was pre-eminently what
is known as a good fellow He had a
most charming personality. He was
genial. amiable, kindly. sympathetic,
everything that was lovable But he was
also easy going. careless improvident a
little too fond of drink and pleasure and
good times. and not fond enough of
work.
Glorious in Youth.
HE was one of the sort Of men who
are glorious in youth, and pitiful in old
age. The world smiles upon them when
they are in their twenties, and laughs at
them when they are in their sixties All
OF their promises have been blighted in
the bud, None has fiowered into
achievement. Everybody has liked them.
but nobody has trusted them with a big
job.
Unfortunately for both of US was
the complete opposite Of my husband in
temperament. l was rigid and narrow in
my views. I was fearful of the future
and, above all, I was full of untirine
energy. 1 was thrifty and economical
and ASSESSED by passion for getting on
in the world I wanted to be rich, to be
important, to have my husband take a
commanding position in the world of
men, and to have accomplished that I
would gladly have worked my fingers to
the bone, and lived upon bread and wa
ter
I think no man can ever even family
realize what it means to an ambitious
and energetic woman when the sickening
truth comes home to her that she is mar
rted to man who is lazy and shift
less, and whose only aspiration is to es-
cape all effort, and just to be animally
content with full stomach and a warm
place in which to stay. 1t is a revelation
that sears the woman's very soul and
nils her, even If she is a good woman
with bitterer contempt for him than If
she had discovered that ne were a ban
dit or a cracksman.
Il know that that was my case
looked at my husband, strong and healthy
and capable of any amount of work, but
who lolled about the house as supine as
TanT rFC1, lit,
the ladder of success. Just satisfied to
make little and spend it all, and trust
to luck that we would never come to
want, and I felt that I would die of
vicarious shame for him.
Tried to Rouse Him.
Then I began my foolish and futile
efforts to make him over. tried to in
spire ambition in him. I tried to rouse
him to effort. tried to make him econo-
mize, to be prudent and far-seeing.
Il tried to break up all his old COM
Partnerships, to make him come home
at regular hours. to make him quit drink
ing and playing cards. and wasting his
time and money In foolish pleasures.
THE result was that SO far as he was
concerned 1 simply alienated him from
me- Instead of a wife I became to him
simply a feared and abhored school mis-
tress. mentor that never permitted him
10 rest In peace, and to whom he was
forever making lying excuses 20 cover
up his shortcomings
Il know now how he must have dread
ed to come home to meet my accusing
eye; how the shadow of my disapproval
must have always hung over him; how,
at last. he must have been glad to die to
get rid of my eternal nagging about those
things which he did and which he left
undone.
AS for myself. all that got out of the
situation was Unending failure and dis
appointment. I kept myself always work
ed up into a ferment of protest I was
trying to do the impossible, reaching out
for the unattainable, and 1t kept my
nerves always on the ragged edge.
And II was all to no purpose Turning
an inyertebrate creature into an animal
with backbone is matter of aeons OF
time. 1t isn't a miracle that a little fool
bride can accomplish in fifteen minutes
With all of my efforts could not change
the character of my husband any more
than could change the color of his hair.
Nature had settled all of that before l
was ever born, but what I could do was
TO make both of us perfectly wretched,
and was eminently successful in that.
I'm sorry for any woman who gets
one OF those Peter Pan men who never
grow up" said the first woman.
Such men have no business in marry
ing" said the third woman. Matrimony
is a full-sized grown mans job"