Omaha daily bee., 1911-10-15
SAMPLES OF CLERICAL HlIaoR
some Recent ImpOrta lions, with n
Dash Of salt Picked Tn on
the Way over.


There was Nicholas burke for instance.
better known as Father Thomas Burke,
the great Irish patriot and preacher.
Father Tom had a great fondness for
riding on the top OF an omnibus. once
when doing so after a long church serv-
ice In Dublin he produced his breviary
and was soon deep in It's contents \
well known evangelical sitting near by
took upon himself to comment upon the
act.
The Lord tells u.s." he said, that
when we pray we should not be as the
hypocrites, who love to play in public
and at the corners OF streets. that they
may be seen by men" Now he added
when l pray 1 enter into my closet and
when l have shut the door / pray nv
secret"
Without looking up. Father Burke re-
piled aloud, yes, and then you get ON
the top OF an omnibus and tell every one
all about It,"
This incident recalls an episode In the
career OF vicar general, afterward car
dinal, MacCabe, who dlsapproved OF
priests riding on top of a bus as undiE-
niried. Having seen Father Dan OKeefe
OF St. Paul travelling outside one of the
aforenamed vehicles he addressed TO him
a brief note; Dear Keefe, / have seen
you on top Of a bus. Get on the inside In
future"
Father OKeefe, described as a rough
diamond. replied by return mail; Dear
Cabe, | have often seen you on top Of
horse. Get thee henceforth inside the
animal"
| once when Father Burke was going TO
| hn in al
rlage man who. repeatedly slipping
his hand into an inside pocket OF his coat
and drawing out bottle, went on drink
ing drains, which made the father fear
that he might soon become unpleasant
company.
The next time the man took out the
bottle Father Tom dryly remarked;
Your mother must have died very early,
sir?" The man gazed at him in surprise.
The priest continued. 1T is quite plain
you were brought up by the bottle" As
all present laughed the man, feeling
ashamed, put the bottle by and left II
undisturbed.
A convert lady who hoped that he
would write her In the style and length
OF his sermons, inquired OF him what she
should do to become truly religious. The
humble az door mat and as pliable Rs
q plate OF porridge,"
Among the clerical humorists of Ire
land Father James HeRly stands out
prominent Sir Redvers Butler dined
with him on one occasion when the
other guests were Archbishop Walsh and
eleven priests. Sir Redvers made slight
start when he saw he was the only lay
man.
Never mind" said Father Healy, the
soutane L. not worse than the Sudan"
Once Father HeRly was asked how he
would describe Scotsman, and in an
swer, assuming the Scottish accent,
said: "A Scot Is a mon who keeps the
sawbath and Everything else that he can
git"
Father Healy, a thoroughly temperate
man. on one occasion ordered n humorous
cabman at Bray, known to indulge In an
occa sonai drop, to call for him after
dinner at the house of a friend. On the
jarvey's arrival Father Healy was
Erieved TO notice that he was not quite
sober. Drunk again. Peter" muttered
the priest. "well, TO tell yer the truth,
yer reverence, I'm little that way my
self"
A barber once in shaving the father
had a very trembling hand. There now,
exclaimed Father Healy, you have cut
me! Ch whiskey, whiHkeyV' he wound
up by way OF lamentlng the source OF the
BARRIERS unsteadiness.
Yes, yer reverence" replied the bar
Der promptly, 1T do make the skin ten
der, don't III"
good many witty sayings are put
down to the credit of the Anglican clergy
too. A workngman once asked Bishop
Wilberforce to tell him the road to
heaven.
Take the first turn to the right and
keep straight on" was the ready and apt
reply
A Lutheran refrain. THE devil Is dead,
was once being chanted by two Oxford
: undergraduates as they lounged about
the HAN OF Cuddesdon palace Gently
walking up to them the bishop placed
, one hand on each head, saying; Alas
poor orphans"
Bishop Stubs had a great objection to
the complaints which squires and church
wardens brought him about hard working
clergy whose rltualistic practices gave OF
: Tense to the former. on one occasion a
layman having described the observances
OF his vicar, added why, my lord, be-
fore he begins his sermon he actually
, kisses his stole" well, we'll. Mr.. ----
perhaps that is better than II he stole
his kiss"
clergyman once applied to the bishoT
for permission 20 go 20 the Holy Land
for three months The answer came
my dear 100, go to Jericho! Yours ever
Z W. Oxon."
! Although reputed a high churchmaT
; Bishop stubbs cared but lite for vest
ments, and when some ladies wished tC
r embroider him a cope he was heard u
: say he would rather have half dozeI
, new shirts. one day the organ stopped
. in the middle OF hymn and the BISHOP
I was heard to exclaim: BLOW the organG
At the close Of the christmastide ger
4 vice the verger with great solmnitS
, asked, Have you any further use for
Y the mace, my lord7" mo, take II away
) and put It in the pudding" said he.
From Canon Beeching comes the FOL
lowing story: ''lt was the morning attei
I a banquet, and a solioitous friend wis
, had sat beside Bishop Stubs, happening
4 TO meet him. asked II he got home al
a right. The bishop looked slightly sur
| ~ the nuaation blit a once added