The Holbrook news., 1911-03-24
WAS GLAD HE CAME
MAN WITH BLOOD IN EYE INTER-
 ESTED LAWYER.
BeIIigerent One Came as an Accept able Diversion to Monotony and Dreary Grind in Life of This
 Disciple of Blackstone.

OISClplc or DldChSlOHCs
 "I have come" said the large man
 who had entered the law office and bolted the door after nim, ito give you the worst whipping you ever had in your life. I've just served three months in jail and you sent me there, and I'm going to make soup bones of you if I swing for it."
 Have you considered the conse- quences, my friend?" asked the sma' l, pallid lawyer, as he put down the large book he had been reading. You shouldn't undertake a contract of such a character without being fa- miliar with all the legal phases Of the matter In an action for assault and battery, such as would certainly be brought against you, malice afore- thought would be easily shown Where an assault occurs under stress of great excitement or provocationr judges and juries regard the defend ant leniently, but where the attack has been deliberately planned, as in this case, and where threats of ex- treme bodily violence have been ut tered, the verdict is bound to be se- were. am trying to present the case to you in non-technicGi terms, purely for your own good"
 Lots you care about my own good" grumbled the belligerent vis- itor T don't want any of your ad- vice. I am going to smash you tho best I know how, so come from be- hind that desk"
 Have you considered" asked the lawyer. that when infiicting punish ment upon me you are liable to sus- tain severe injuries yourself? Not that I would resist, for that would be hopeless. But the human head is largely composed of bono and the fist that hits it is apt to be broken You surely have read of the numerous prizefghters who have broken their arms in the ring? If a prizefghter sustains such injuries, what can an ordinary citizen hope for?
 Moreover, my head is unusually bony and many of 'te bones are angular, and I feel sure that yoi would break your wrist or some of your fingers, at least. There was an interesting case chronicled in the Southeastern Law Reporter a few weeks ago. A citizen whose name I have forgotten assaulted his family attorney and broke his arm. He was sent to the penitentiary for the as- sault and his arm had to be ampu- tated. Think of spending years in the penitentiary minus an arm!"
 I'm willing to take the chances Here goes-''
 When the visitor recovered his faculties he was curled up on the floor and the lawyer was seated upon his bosom, holding a piece of lead pipe in one hand.
 "The next time you contemplate an attack upon a learned and eloquent attorney" said the lawyer, "be sure to commit the assault first and dis cuss your grievances afterward. I knew I had this length of lead pipe somewhere in my desk, but I couldn't remember in which drawer I had placed it. However, you gave me plenty of time to find 1t, and here we are, having an excellent, comfortable time, and merry men are we. I can't tell you how glad I am that you came up to see me- The chief drawback of a lawyers life is the intolerable mo notony. Think, my dear sir, of the dreary round of duties which make up his existence!"
 Let me up,' begged the formerly belligerent visitor. I've had enough"
 "All in good season, my friend So many hours a day in his dingy of flee! So many hours in the sepul- chral courtroomi That is the story of the lawyers day. He loses track of human emotions. human passions. human ambitions, save as he encouh- ters them in dreary books. None but a lawyer can understand what bless ing it is to see a man come in, as you came in, looking for troublei You have renewed my youthi You have made me man again, when I was becoming a machine! Rise up, Will liam Riley, or whatever your name is- and kindly permit me to kick you alp the way down stairs!"