davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
LAYHAWKER JOTS

barber shop advertisement in the
Efingham New Leaf says among other
things: Shaving without pain or
whiskers refunded"
Something of a stinger from the
Bison Bee: There is more sound in
same is true of an empty head.
A hint from the Ingalls, Beacon: One
of Cimarron's hashy card sharks came
over to ingalls, last week and had it
all taken out of him. Better leave our
sports alone.
The editor of the Nickerson Argosy
says he Is not going to protest against
his wife wearing the new harem skirts.
He hopes that if she does, she will learn
the necessity of keeping suspender but
tons sewed on his pants more careful
ly.
We could never understand, says the
Wathena Times, why the newly-found
baby should be estimated in the news
columns by the pound. In making his
rounds. the stork don't commercialize
his business and get it down to mat
ter of pounds
The Kingman Journal says that there
is no such a thing as an innocent by
stander" and that most folks while
maSQuerading under that name are
merely idle loafers or other persons
who have no business there, but who
came to rubberneck.
says the Spring Hill New Era, because
he fails to lay up gold in the bank. If
he has learned to attend to his own
business he has built house on solid
rock and the neighbors will not accuse
him of trying to get into heaven on
comp"
Writes the Beanville correspondent
of the Troy Chief: We are not going
to make any criticisms about E. w.
Howe's magazine. To criticize a no.
ted writer by common plug like our
self, would be like trying to sink a
battleship by shooting peas at it with
''nigger shooter"
If readers were as grateful as they
should be they would love the editor
for the things he keeps out of the
paper, instead of kicking him for things
he puts in. Just think Of the truthful
things he might say about you that
would bother you greatly to explain
Jewell County Monitor.
Excellent advice from the Osawato-
mie Graphic, and nicely put, too: And
while you are planting your garden
sass, friend, just put few of the seeds
of kindness and friendliness into your
nature, and experience the harvest of
Happiness prosperity that comes up
a great deal faster than radishes and
lettuce, that never gets pithy nor willis.
In fact, the market is always calling
for it.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
QUAKER MEDITATToNs.

LFrom the Philadelphia Record
Many a scheme is cooked up that is
really raw deal.
Many fellow never learns to say
no till it's his turn to treat
Some people live entirely for them
selves and some live on others.
All men are born equal. but the
equality seems to end right there.
Many girl thinks she's a world
beater when she couldn't even beat an
egg.
If we should all think twice before
we speak there would be mighty little
conversation.
The small boy who outgrows his
clothes seems to disprove the eternal
fitness of things.
Nell-"Maude holds everything up
to ridicule." Bel1e-"Yes, everything
except her mirror"
Would you say that the fellow who
marries a widow was caught in the
weeds. or that he was wheedled into
it?
The bachelor shouldn't air his views
before married women unless he wants
to be accused of knowing more than
he has any business to know
"A stitch in time saves nine" quot
ed the Wise Guy. Eyes. provided you
don't have to look for a needle in e
haystack." added the Simple Mug.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
KANSAS COANENT
SPEED LIMITS.


There has been a good deal of quiet
rejoicing over the country because a
california judge sent Jack johnson to
jail Tor burning up the boulevards of
that fair city with his motor car. A
speederlno is never first in the hearts
or MS countrymen, and the white race
mas another grudge against Jack. So
good many people made his incar-
ceratlon the occasion for a holiday;
almost anything will serve for an ex-
cuse for a holiday, but. in this in
stance there may have been some oc-
casion for rejoicing
But, II reports are true Hon John
son is violating other speed limits,
which are likely to provide worse pen
aItles than going to Jail over Sunday,
ana helping support the municipal
government Johnson is dissipating
good deal; he has a skull three
fourths of an inch in thickness, ac-
cording to the X-ray fans, and the
knowledge that fighter can't dissi-
pate without going backwards doesn't
seem TO nave penetrated it. Some day
white man will arise, with youth and
nnanclal backing, and the colored bar
bers Will be poor for a month, while
Johnson will open a saloon in the
black belt to reimburse his shattered
fortunes. But his perfect health, per-
feet strength and perfect control of all
movements will not return. There are
no exceptions to that rule.
But, If Jack johnson were the only
man to make that mistake. or pug
ilism the only field in which 1t is made,
one might not complain. Unfortun-
ately, there are plenty of superior per-
sons; superior in various lines, who get
the notion that they are better men
drunk than others are when sober.
And, later in life, they will complain
as they select a large portion of the
free lunch while the barkeeper isn't
looking, that genius isn't appreciated
| in this world. 1t frequently is not by
the men who possess it, but the rest
| of the world is willing to pay for it so
| long as it remains on the job. But let
| it go joy-riding along Booze boulevard,
pinched, and fined, and otherwise pun
| ished as it Decentralization Globe.
| IMPROVE YOUR PROPERTY.
| A very good way in which to boost
the town, is for each citizen to see to
| improving and beautifying his own
| property. The town with houses that
are well painted, lawns that are we'll
kept, streets that are cleaned, and that
are characterized by an evident desire
on the part of the citizens to make
them attractive, is the one that re-
ceives favorable comment from visitors
and thus obtain the very best kind of
advertising. The environment of a per-
son has much to do with the forma-
| ton of his character, with its develop
ment for a life of useful service.
Right now is the opening of an oppor-
| tunity. Let flowers be planted, trees
and shrubs be set out, lawns improved,
| fences repaired and paint applied. The
| enjoyment thereof will be worth many
times the cost.-Phillips County Post.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
HVNOR OF THE DAY

If 1t Only Could Be Used That Way
Edith-Mamma, don't you think God
could hear me better If l used the tele-
phone when say my prayers?-Judge.
Anachronistic.-''Was his drama modern
and realistic? NO. answered Mrs.
Wildwest. 1.-The second act takes place
six months after the first and the hero
Inc still has the same husband. Life.
She-Yes, I like Ted; he is so extrava-
giant. He-That is hardly the best quality
for husband, is it? She-Of course not;
7 am not going to marry him.-Boston
Herald.
''Is your master in a somnoIent condi-
tion?' mo. SIR, he was pretty violent
but now he's asleep."-Baltimore Amerk-
can
Uncle Henry-Back from Washington.
81? See congress in action? Uncle Silas-
Nav; only saw 'em in session.--Judge.
Does Miss Gabby show much observa-
ton in Conversation 'T don't know
about the observation, but she is gen
orally observing ething."-Baltimore
American.
The Real Pet.-"Afrs. Jollaby treats
her husband like dog Lucky fellow!
wish my wife would treat me as she
treats her dog."-Baltimore American
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
GLOBE SIGHTS.
fFrom the Atchison Globe.J


While life is bit monotonous at
times, there is always enough going on
to prevent us becoming a Cancelled
postage stamp.
When our time comes. we don't
want to be killed by muley COW or a
blank cartridge, both of which have
been known to result fatally.
Since telegraph operators have gen
orally adopted the typewriter, the pub
lie has more time to devote to the pic
ture puzzles and other guessing con-
tests.
1t is a. great joke on the family
which is anxious to have Daughter
marry when she does, and brings the
young man home with her.
No man should cultivate his thirst
to a point where he will break off the
neck of the bottle instead of waiting
to look about for the corkscrew.
Without wishing to dissipate tradi-
tion, it may be said that a good many
chorus girls care more for dogs than
they do for men or other Holsters.
While most of the modest women
you know will decline the harem skirt
many of them will continue to be the
man of the house, just the same.
What, if you are a full grown male
person with a disposition to econo-
mize at the expense of the BARRIERS
what do you do with your dull safety
razor blades?
Speaking of conservation, it would
mean a long stride in that direction il
the men who don't wear vests in the
summer would quit buying them fol
that season.
While the Mexican method of win
ming a woman by playing on a guitar
may work, the American system OF
hammock and hand hold probably gets
quicker results.
The young lady who studies French
or German might get a good job as
an interpreter, but she usually devotes
her linguistic accomplishment to show
ing her superiority over the hard
working man she marries.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
Hermit Amid Oitx,s Swarm.

Edwin walz was buried in Calvary
cemetery, and the secret of the many
mysteries of his life was buried with
him. But if ever the transition from
life to death is a shorter step for one
man than another, it was a shorter step
for this strange hermit of the city, this
recluse in the midst of the human
swarm who might have been said to
have buried himself 30 years ago in his
little drug store at 4S Grand street.
Through all those 80 years, SO far as
any person knows, he never passed the
doorway of his shop until his body was
carried out on the way to the grave.
Around him the great city spread ami
grew without his cognizance. The
march of events went past him unre-
ga1led. The trolleys at his door, the
subway rumbling near were mysteries
of which he sometimes spoke but never
saw.
If he had made himself an exile from
society, he was a friend of all the af-
flicted. Charity seemed to be his only
pleasure. The neighborhood adored
him as "the good apothecary." He
would fill a prescription for a poor man
for half price If he could pay, for moth
ing if he could not. Every evening a
line of poor, bedraggled fellows formed
at his door and received money to get
lodgings.
But in spite of this generosity, a fas-
cinating feature of his strange story Ii
that his little store is believed to be the
hiding place of a fortune His sister,
Miss Mary WaIz. who was the only one
to follow his coffin to the grave, will
have the place searched Immediately in
the confidence that many secret shelf
and drawer will reveal the accumulated
wealth of his many years of business
He never spent money save in charity,
so far as any one knew. And he never
wart t0 hank He would NOT allow
his clerk ever to go behind a counter.
When the article asked for was in the
main store the clerk could get it; if It
was behind the counter. Mr.. Walz went
for it himself Police are guarding the
store, for rumors of his hidden treas
ure have gone abroad.
He was found dead in the back room
on the bed which he had fashioned atop
a pile of old boxes.-New York Amert-
ran
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
Cannibals in Museum Hunt.

| Herbert Lang, head of the American
Museum of Natural History's Congo
| expedition in search of mammal and
invertebrate specimens, has sent Presi-
dent Henry Fairfield Osborn of the
museum a complete record of the ex-
pedition down to a few months ago,
| including the successful hunt of the
rare okapi, which is to be one of the
museums most valuable exhibits as
| soon as the skin and accessories are
received from Africa.
| Mr.. Lang writes that he has been
and is employing nearly $500 natives,
many of them cannibalS. and at the
time of writing, October last, had OBJ
tanned nearly 5000 specimens, not in
Guiding Is. 900 invertebrates of almost
every conceivable kind: to say nothing
of volume of more than 1,100 pages
describing them and illustrated by
nearly 1000 photographs.
I'VE left Avakubi on December q,
1909" writes Mr.. Lang, with SIS por
ters, and after increasing our collec-
tion at N'Gayu and Bafwaboka ar
rived at Medic on January 13, 1910. AS
We heard about good hunting grounds.
possibly with okapi, south of Canaan
gui. we made the necessary prepara-
tions and set out at once. After more
than six months work in a lonely, un-
inhabited tract, some eight miles
square we returned to Medic on
July II
''Al1 our native helpers have always
been in good condition. All our equip
ment, including firearms and tents, is
ir perfect order. Our supplies are suf-
f1cient to carry on the work without
interruption The plans for porterage
have worked out very satisfactorily,
and although the natives are true can
nibals and are seldom seen without
poisoned arrows or other weapons, we
have succeeded well in enlisting their
services. This may besc be illustrated
by the fact that the Congo expedition
since leaving Stanleyville has employed
and paid more than 3,40O natives, and
has never experienced the slightest ac-
cident in handling them
1.-The record of the expedition shows
total of 1852 specimens collected,
exclusive of at least $4,000 inverte-
brates 1t is probable that these are
the largest and most important col
lections ever gathered by a single ex-
pedition in the midst of the dense for
est of the Congo, and they represent a
completeness of series that will be sur
prising How true this is may be as
certained from the work with regard
to the okapi but all departments have
equally prof1ted.' d.'-New York Times.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.1


The can opener is mightier than the
cork-screw.
Charity organizations uncover a
multitude of sinners.
Many a wife-beater draws the line at
beating carpet.
Not all women who look in a mirror
are lost in admiration.
trusted employe should be known
by the company that keeps him.
He is wise man who laughs at the
antediluvian jokes of his tailor.
A popular man is one who is liberal
with his money and stingy with his ad-
vice.
It takes years of study to enable a
man to paint, but women are born ar
fists.
Queer thing about necessity. It is
the mother of invention and the father
of toll.
The proof of the pudding may be in
the eating, but the proof oe the sauce
is on the breath.
There may be just as good fish in the
sea as ever were caught, but a fish that
is caught is worth two in the sea.
A silly woman may manage man
of sense, but no sensible man has ever
succeeded in managing silly woman.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
THEN AND NOW.

farmhouse kitchen CHEEKY, big;
Blue dishes in long row.
Gay woven mats on painted floor,
From rafters, heavy, low,
Hang ears of sweet corn, peppers red,
Dried apples, catnip, sage.
The prints which ornament the walls
Are Drowned with smoke and age.
See mother, in blue calico!
Sweet golden meal she takes,
Milk, water, generous pinch of salt,
To mix her yellow cakes.
The hired man soon for breakfast comes;
Then, goodness, gracious sakesi
The way they disappear for good,
The dodgers mother makes!
The scene has changed to muddy stress.
In mannish hat and suit,
Hear mother with policeman big
The right of way dispute!
She's cheered by sister suffragettes,
While riot. din confuse.
Like yellow leaves they dot the walks,
The dodgers mother streyysi
Ella A. Tanning, in the New York Times.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08

liam Gaylord. He wrote angrily and
demanded that the girl scan the scores
of alliances contracted between Amer
lean dollars and continental blue-blood
successful one. He bluntly-and bru-
tally-insisted that her count was
thinking only of her money in his
wooing and not of her personal
charms.
Between letters he savagely dashed
off a story with an American girl as
heroine, a mesalliance as motif, ami
a lover who literally beat the coroneted
husband to a pulp and dragged the girl
wife away to an American divorce
colony.
An editor bought this promptly and
sent the cynic substantial check.
Gaylord was the frenzied recipient OF
just one more teasing 1etter-and then
Mamie came home.
WELL" roared Williams strong
jawed, harsh-featured William, with
cold gray knobs of polished steel in lieu
of eyes scintillating behind the thick
glasses. 81 suppose you brought that
idiot along with you"
Mamie stared.
IF you mean the count" she an
swered meelzly, II didn't. You seemed
$3.50 set against it that didn't dare"
She lowered her eyes.
They were on the vine-covered We
randa of the Montclair mansion-and
alone.
Say! I've sold a story!''
In his elation, Gaylord abruptly
changed the subject
II am glad,'' whispered the girl
She still stood before him, diminutive
goddess of beauty with eyes lowered. Il
Il told you you could win-if you
would"
Gaylord came resolutely up and
closed fierce arms about her.
I'm going to marry you," he said
loudly. "And-and no darned count
can butt in"
Such was the manner of Gay1ord's
ng.-(Copyrighted, 1911, by Asso-
ciated Literary Press)
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
JOURNAL ENTRIES

pretty badly bruised up.
= .
Any number OF humorists are that
way only in their own estimation.
Most men are poor losers but some
of them are wise enough not to con-
fess it.
The easiest crop to sow and the
hardest one to harvest at a profit is
none other than wild oats.
What has become of the old-fash-
ioned man who limited his cussing to
the expression, "By the great horn
spoon? ?''
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
FROM OTHER PENS
A SOCIAL CRIME.

The experience of Andrew 10th, who
spent a score of years in Pennsylva-
MIA prison for a crime he did not COM
NIT, must have profoundly impressed
all who read about it. The state had
made mistake, the man had suffered
deeply, and yet society had provided
for him no way of redress. A New
York senator has been moved to intro
duce a bill in the legislature of that
state amending its pardon law by Civ
ing man unjustly imprisoned the
right to recover damages Here is a
point at which organized society has
failed. "fI am advised" the senator
said, "that whereas one may recover
damages from the state for property
taken for public use, or for injuries to
the person or property by reason of
the states negligence, there is no rem
edy for an innocent person unjustly
convicted of a crime and sentenced to
a term of imprisonment" There will
be general agreement with the Hart
ford Courant when it says that it
would seem that "due process of law"
which may send an innocent man to
prison, might reasonably be made
broad enough to provide for payment
to him of day wages for the time he is
kept shut up. There is no man living
who will claim that justice as admin
istered by men never makes mistake
and society should be ready to pay
for the errors. It has every advantage
over the wronged ndividual.-Spring-
field Republican.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08

umphant march of American Journal
ism." wrote H. H. Tammen, one of the
proprietors of the Denver Post, to COL
lier's Weekly. But Mr.. Tammen prob
ably handed out this bouquet before
he read the article in last weeks issue
of Golfers on the kind of Journalism
that Tammen practices in his news
paper. It held up the Denver Post to
be about everything that a newspaper
should not be.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
Senator LaFolIette would have an

Senator LaFollette would have an
other investigation of Lorimer's cleo
tion by another committee of the
United States senate. The resolution
calling for this investigation also
names the committee and if it goes
through IL will be the first United
States senate investigating committed
that has been appointed in long
time whose members have not WE'LL
earned regulations as expert white
washers
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08

In all probability the situation in
Chihuahua is not as serious as the
reports would indicate on their face.
The Mexican rebels are said to have
the federal force in that city complete
ly bottled UP and at their mercy. This
is similar to the conditions that pre-
vailed at Juarez some weeks ago. Then
came the bloodless battle of Juarez in
which both sides soon ran in the oppo-
site direction. That's just what is like
ly to happen at Chihuahua.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08

The statement of the condition of
the state banks of Kansas at the close
OF business on March 16 shows that
these institutions were never in better
shape than they are today. And that's
the condition of everything else in
Kanaas
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08

Attorney Carr w. Taylor's protest
that the criminal courts of Kansas are
frequently used as a club for the col
lection of debts that may be question
able is a point well made. A little
more care should be exercised by pro-
scouting attorneys and judges in this
particular
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08

Word comes from the Democratic
leaders in Washington that there will
be nothing done towards revising the
tariff for several days. And it is safe
to prophesy that it will be several
days and then some before any def
mite revision of the tariff is effected at
the present session of congress.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08

It's all over but the shouting as far
as the Mexican revolutionists are con-
cerned. A Joan of Arc has sprung up
in their midst. La Neri" she is call
cd, and. of course, she is wonderously
beautiful. The federal forces might
Just as well give up the ghost and
prepare for the inevitable.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
~

PASS THE PEPPERSAUCEsPL PLEASf.'
You win. But
For Heavens sake IL you can locate
PONCE, recommend a daily diet OF
at least one tarpon or tuna. FISH
is said to be good brain food, anu
judging from the character or ms
effusion, it will take at least
year of the above diet to put him
in shape to appreciate decent cope,
much less attempt 1t himself
Leon Macarthur, Dodge City.
You see, we are not averSe to OPEN
ing the days disturbance with some
thing warm.-providing said hot stun
has been provided by some able con.
tributor like Mac Lay on, Nc arthur
And curs't be he who first calls 1or
chaser. On with the prance! Let JOY
be unrehned!
"Oh, Dab the Kaw," he shouted. Ut
may be perceived that he had a colo
in the lead.1
We drew to one of those circulating
rhymes,-Boston Transcript latest con-
tributor,-but failed to fill. However,
comma, we have placed same on ice
for future use. And, in the meantlme'
They say Dame Fortune knocks but
once
On every blooming door;
The other kinds of knockers hunt
A chance to knock some more.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
IFrom the New York Press. ]

From the New York Press.
A stitch in time may save a hole in
the hosiery.
The small boys stomach is usually
In apple pie order.
FASTING old jokes in scrapbook is
one way of filing saws.
Pain has been known to transform a
child into a groan person.
The alligator has a great snap, but
even q lazy man doesn't care for 1t.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08

DIR. S. ]. Crumbine, secretary of the
state board Of health. has compiled
a few statistics for the Missionary
society of the Topeka Presbytery in
which he shows that there is four
times as much money spent in the
United States each year for gum as
there is for foreign missions. Ergo,
swat the gum
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08
Champ CLARK has called

Champ Clark has called on his
Democratic brethren to redeem the
party pledges they made to the people.
Thus does Champ set himself up as
one of the unusual politicians who be-
Iieves that party pledges are made to
be redeemed
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08

Weather conditions were about the
same at Wichita and Topeka on cleo
tion day. If anything'the campaign at
Wichita was far more exciting than
the one at Topeka, and the probabili-
ties are that the normal voting
strength at Wichita went to the polls
Yet the total vote at Wichita was only
in the neighborhood OF 12.o0e while
the total vote at Topeka was in the
neighborhood of 10000. This COM
parison is significant to say the least.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-04-08

Three of the patriarchal governors
of Mexican states are slated for i'm
mediate retirement. Apparently the
new Mexican cabinet and President
Diaz are in earnest in the matter of
working out certain much needed re-
forms