The Washington bee., 1911-08-05
ABNER
GOT MAD
By M. QUAD
[Copyright, 1870 by Associated Literary
Press.

Abner Jackson, who was a "sorter''
old bachelor, had been courting her
for FIVE years without actually popping
the question She lived with her wild
owed mother in the village, and he
worked little farm just outside.
Abner wasn't lazy. He was just a
good natured poke of a man. He was
goin- to get married some day, but
there was no hurry about it. He al
ways talked as If he intended to marry
EuDice, but he didn't come down to
details. He didn't ask her to name
the day and arrange the bridal tour.
Eunice liked Abner and bore with him,
but she was getting rather tired of it
when her Aunt Hannah came on a
visit. Aunt Hannah saw Abner two
or three times, understood his nature
and then said to her niece:
Look here, you've got a poke Of q
man hanging around after you, and it
may be ten years more before he'll
| say anything about marriage. Are
you going to put up with it or do
somethingT
''Why, auntie, what can 1 dor"
''Get mad at him and make him
think he's going to lose you"
He only laughs when get mad"
Then set in and criticise his feet,
his nose, his eyebrows. Tell him that
he's the homeliest man you ever saw"
'T don't think he'd mind it at all"
1zOvx ax1s,r hin. ay.g
temperP"
Not a bit. He was run over by a
drove Of hogs once and got up laugh
ing. No, you can't make Abner mad.
He's a poke, but an awfully good
man"
"And are yOu going to keep right on
for the next fifty years, are you"
One afternoon three or four days
later a vinegar barrel with one head
out was left at the house by the grocer
to be used as q rain barrel. The house
stood on quite hill, and there was a
sharp slope down to the village street.
About the hour Abner usually appear
ed Euntce was sent on an errand to
the other side Of the village, and when
the poke" arrived Aunt Hannah was
the one to greet him. She took him
to the corner Of the house where the
barrel stood and promptly began:
''See here, Mr. Jackson, you've been
dawd1ing around here for years. What
are You after?
''Why-why''- he stammered as he
leaned up against the house and could
say no more.
'Oh, you can't tell! I knew you
couldn't. You've come here almost ev-
cry night in the week for months and
years and squatted yourself down, and
what for? Your talk can't interest
anybody. The sight of you isn't In
spring. If 1 was Eunice I'd just as
soon have a wooden man around. And
yet you come and squat and squat
ask you, sir, what you mean by such
conducts?
"I-I guess I'll go home" answered
Abner, who was too astonished to SCI
straight.
"And guess you won't" said Aun
Hannah, "at least not until you have
explained yourself. I've been looking
at you. II had a COW as hOmely a.
you are I'd knock her in the head Will
the ak. Hump shOuldered, bowieggeC
, and feet like an elephant, and yet yoT
come here End squat around and taxi
/, up a girls time! Why, man, what ca1
you think Of yourselfY'
"Tn never come again" exclaimed
Abner in a changed voice.
, That's good. That's what I want
ed to hear you say. Go and squa
somewhere else. Go and find the home
hest girl in the country to match you
The first time l saw you 1 knew yOI
was a poke of man and you hadn'
grit enough to push toad off its nest
woman, be careful! If you aggra
vate me too much
"Aggravate an old poke! Why, man
r it would take you three years to ge
mad, even if you started in tonight"
: The next thing she knew she wa
being lifted off her feet in Abner'
3 strong arms and deposited in the hand.
3 barrel. Before she could yelp twic
: the barrel was whirled on its sid
| anu gwen d KICK I'd SLdTt II uOWA III
4 slope. 1t took an erratic course. l
5 ran to the right few feet and thel
: shied TO the left. 1t stopped for I
moment at a gOOseberry bush ant
l then lodged and jumped clear over 1
D crabapple tree. There were yelling ant
screaming from the inmate Of the bar
rel, but Abner stood and watched tn
3 circus and shouted back:
4 'T'm a poke, am 1? I'm a squatter
! am I? I've got bowlegs and humpec
7 shoulders and feet like an elephant
3 Col durn your hide, roll on"
: And the barrel rolled, and Aunt Han
: nah rolled, and neither Of them stop
: ped rolling till the barrel crasheS
through the fence and brought VI
against a shade tree in the street. N,
one was killed. No bones were broken
Aunt Hannah crept out and up TO TIT
! house and was Just finished with thu
/ last Of the arnica when Miss Eunic'
3 came rushing in with radiant face t
+ exclatm:
'T was coming back hOme-and
; met Abner-and he was swearing
and he grabbed me by the ARMAND
{ he said he'd break my neck If didn'