The Washington herald., 1911-12-31
Washington Monument
Denies Some ISLANDERS
" Geological tuberculosis Cannot Disturb the
Future of Grand Old Memorial to
Our George.


Washington Monument was fighting
mad. AS the interviewer approached
it, it glowered savagely and its peak,
SIS feet in the air, trembled violently.
$50 they say I'm decaying, do they" ,"
said the monument in a voice that fair
ly shook with rage, they think that
I'm getting to be a senile second edi-
ton of Cleopatra's needle, do they?
Why; let me tell you, young man, my
innardS are as good as they were in
the good old days of 1868. am an in
! Stitution. I'm here to stay"
The interviewer, in the face of this
majestic, not to say mountainous rage,
bowed his head
But look what Barnard Green. ST.
perintendent of the monument grounds,
says" he murmured.
'Drat Barnard Green" snorted the
monument.
And look what Prof. G. P. Merrill,
curator of geology at the National Mu-
scum, says"
NOT BIT ILL.
The monument scowled furiously
Yes: I know what they say" it
grumbled. They say that I've got
geological tuberculosis. Say, young man,
do look like tuberculous patient? Can
you imagine those two old hens-thats
all they are, hens-laying me on my back
in a hospital and feeding me hot milk
and eggs? If they had their silly way
they'd make me stick out my tongue each
morning and they'd feel my pulse.
They're worse than specialists"
The monument paused moment
while a party of tourists from During
icumkfoa City, Kans., entered in a
tour of interior inspection. Then it
spoke again
Pm a regular little rock of ages"
said he proudly, and you can bet your
new fuzzy hat therell be no Osler
treatment for me"
Then a saving spirit of curiosity
seemed to overcome the mighty pile OF
stone that stands as an eternal monu-
ment to our immortal George.
What else do they say about me-"
it asked.
WELL faItered the interviewer,
they say you're turned wrong side
out for onSthing. At least that's what
DR.. Merrill says. He says
Reminds Him of LIttIepaEe.
He talks like Adam B. Littlepage's
Congressional biography reads" said
The monument. What do they want of
me, anyhow. Do they expect the ele-
vator to go up on the outside and the
windows to be located in the center
of my main shaft?
It's like asking a man to wear his
Iarynx as a chest protector. Bosh, /
call it"
Then you're feeling all right"
Like a duck" replied the monu-
ment.
And it continued impressively:
Let me explain, young man, that
am here to stay. Ever since bunch
of architects decided to put me to-
gether there have been pessimists who
have been weeping because some day
1 was going to collapse all IN a heap.
When they tried new stone on me after
they had reached my fifteenth rib,
everybody said that the job would look
Yet it never did. Then when
the Pope sent a special stone over here
to be built into me and it was dumped
into the Potomac River everybody said
I'd fall down. But I didn't-though
the loss of the honor humiliated and |
hurt me.
No Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Then there was the time when some |
body hunted up the story that 1 was
l would soon be a sec /
ond leaning tower of Pisa and would !
upset and mash somebody.
Yet I never did.
They've been hunting these stories |
about me for all time. Somebody al |
ways believed them-nobody ever be- |
lieved them long.
Il don't mind telling you cOnfiden- |
TALLY that the worst shock I ever had |
was when Charlie Street. that base |
ball person, caught a baseball that had |
been tossed from my eye-I mean my !
upper window. That was an awful |
blow, but survived it. And If didn't |
collapse at that you can bet your sweet |
life 1 won't collapse at anything.
why, look at the stories 1 have to
listen to-the conversation 1 have to
hear.
Talk by SpOOny Couple.
Every newly married couple that
in Washington climbs up
my insides clear to the top and sits
down and moons and moons and
dear, their conversation is
terribly soupy.
= L get this sort of thing every day:
If itti ducky wucky and itti didle