davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
THE LAZY MAN.

He tried so hard to stay awake n
His efforts were In vain:
little nap he still would take
And soon would doze again
His yawns enormous were u see.
His languor was Intense.
That poor chap lacked the energy
To sit upon fence.
His Valance there he could not keep.
without some effort made. !.
So stretched him where the grass VA
deep
And slumbered In the shade.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
An. EXPLANATION.

Gladys Maude seems to be greatly
wrought up over the insurrection in
Mexico"
Yes. You see. friend once sent
her several souvenir postcards from
the City of Mexico and that gives her
a lively personal interest in what 10
going on down there.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13

A trio of professional. story tellers
was of in corner OF the club. spin
ming yarns. Brown had just told q
most unbelievable story, and the other
two glanced at each other question
ingIy.
Well, assure you, gentlemen
said Brown. IL ! hadn't seen It my
self shouldn't have believed it"
Ha--h m WELL" said one OF the
two doubtful ones. you must remem.
Der. old man. that we didn't see it -"
Lippincott's Magazine.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
SPEAKING From Experience.

1T gives one thrill to come unex-
pectedly upon two loving figures sill
houetted against the moon observed
Mr.. Wopson.
Indeed 1t does" said Mr.. Divorcon.
Particularly if one Of the loving fig
ures happens to be your wife,
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13

Johnny Papa, would you be glad
II saved a dollar for you
Papa Certainly. my son.
JOHNNY Well, | saved it for you,
all right You said If / brought a
first class report from my teacher this
week you would give me dollar. and
didn't bring it-Red Hen.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
Convenience.

What did you Jump into de river
for 2" asks Weary Mflter.
ITO wash me shirt" responds Las.
situdinons Lewis.
why didn't ye--''
Because I'd a. had to take 1t on
an put It on again. answers Lassi-
tudinous Lewis. anticipating the re-
nainder OF the query.
WILBUR D. NESBIT
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
a MANAGER.

And what right have you to call
yourself manager?' asked the emil
nent and irate actress after stormy
rehearsal.
i suppose" was the deferential re-
ply, 1T is because have managed SO
long to escape with my life."
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
Maj she.

Pardon me, madam" said the dame
vita the subscription book. but are
you woman suffragist?"
Not SO you can notice It. ma am, =
smiled the other; 4 am a lady bar.
ber."
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
Should Be ! Limit.

Il saw Peckham today, " remarked
Nagget. and he was very drunk"
Well. there's some excuse for l>Nn.'
remarked Mrs. Nagget- He lost hts
wife last week
Il know. but man should be able
to celebrate without making hog Of
himself. Catholic Standard and
Times.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
Widely Separated.

Mrs. Highupp The Judge decreed
that they should be separated. never
to see each other again.
Mrs. Blase Are they?
Mrs. Highupp-Y They are Nv.
ing next door to each other in New
York apartment house now.-Puck-
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13

Mrs, Benha4 The paper tells about
q man who stole head OF lettuce and
then went back and got another, be-
ing arrested on the second trip.
Benham Ill bet you can't make that
fellow believe that two heads are bet
ter than one.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13

Miss Bilyuns-Am l the first one
you ever loved?
Lord Getthecoyne-Yes; you're the
FIRST girl ever knew who had all her
money In her own name.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
oId Ioke MeM rMist

Mrs. Hussey Henry, when 4 hung
up my harem skirt last night there
was exactly $3.50 in the right-hand
pocket, and now can find only S1S5.
What do you know about that - Puck
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
We DOM Believe Il.

she has invented trouser skirt
that is bound 70 be the rage"
what Is there peculiar about it?''
@The wearer can put 1t on over her
head. Judge.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
The Lone Fisherman.

He played the line with baited breath.
As the fish ran from the shore:
The fish got off-he seized the Jug
And with re-baited breath he swore.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
Stunq.s

He's lost his faith in his fellow man
And the reason why is plain.
He ordered soup on the a la carte plan,
But 1t looked far more like rain.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
No Termination

Il don't indulge in games Of chance. =
Said William Finn
The reason why we'll now advance
He couldn't win.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
What do you mean =
Too Deep fo~ Him.

Tommy docking at the gas meter)
Paw. how does this thing tell how
much gas you have to pay for every
month?
Mr.. Tucker Tommy. that is .
great. inscrutable mystery. It is one
Of the things we have to accept ON
faith.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
Fairly Won.

Il "who gave We tn black eye. Jim?"
Nobody give it + me. had t fight
fer it"-Life.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13

is # sharp to advertiser"
7 think SO. know it's dull II yov
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13

Mrs. Stayholme-If you stay out an
other night until ~ o'clock. I'm go
ing to leave you
Mr.. stayholmeI wish you'd put
that on paper.
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
For Instance

\ Every person should cultivate a
spirit Of optimism by hoping that
things will soon take . turn for the
better"
No doubt. Still. there are times
when turn for the better seems Inn
possible"
What do you mean?~
When son OF Italy is turning .
wheezy hand-organ, every turn he
makes seems to be a turn for the
worse"
The Progressive West Virginian. [volume] (Williamson, W. Va.) 1911-1913, 1911-07-13
JUST So.

why do they call bell boy In
hotel Buttons 2"
Because he's always off when you
need him most, guess"
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
A KENTUCKlAN'S VIEW.

The Florida Citrus Exchange is
PROFESSIONALLY following sane meth
DDS and doing good work and if the
growers Of Floridas peerless golden
products can harmonic with them
on the issues it outlines. a move
ment for beneficial results will reach
happy and profitable termination.
The interest taken in this matter
over the country bespeaks for Flor
ida much in the end. II tends not
to harass the grower or cause him
loss, but brings them in line with
the principles of the exchange and
most valuable lesson will soon be
learned, |. e., the protection of every
one interested in citrus culture. and
the elimination of features that
would soon bring serious reproach
on the State. and irreparable dam
age to its great industry. With 4
check rein on the evil, Florida will
come fully into her own. Her
bountiful gifts of golden fruit will
20 everywhere in the marts of trade.
The workinsman and the million
aire alike will demand il. for its
richness and seductive qualities. and
the slogan, Drink the Juice" will.
in its agency. lead them again and
again 10 taste still deeper of its
health and strength and joyous con-
tentment.
Some OF the growers do not seem
10 realize the injurious effects of
hastily shipping. while he may feel
justified in trying to get his crop
OF fruit ahead of some one else. in
order 10 realize little better price.
his action will rebound to his ulti-
mate sorrow. and prove sad COM
mentary on the Judgment of the
shipper. and oil the wonderful in
dustry of the State which is the best
in the world.-Mr. f. A. Wayfield,
of Lexington, Ky, in the Tampa
Tribune
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11

Services will be held in all the
churches of Lakeland tomorrow and
large congregations will no doubt
be in attendance. At the MethO-
dist church DR.. w. X. Piner will 0c-
cupy the pulpit at both the morning
and evening services. The Epworth
League will be held at the usual
hour, 6 p. m, to which all the
young people Of the city not affiliat-
ed with any other society. are cor
daily invited.
There will be regular preaching
services at II a. m. and 1880 p. n.
at the First Baptist church by DR..
VIM. D. Nowlin. the pastor. In the
evening at $3.50 o'clock the Baptist
Young Peoples Union meets, to
which all interested in this work are
cordially invited to attend.
Rev. w. P. Chalmers, supply pas
tor Of the First Presbyterian church,
will occupy the pulpit at both hours
at this church tomorrow, and a cor
dial invitation is extended the pub
lie to attend.
Owing to the absence from the
city of Rev. II. J. Matthias there were
no services at the Lutheran church
last Sunday, however, he has since
returned and will occupy his pulpit
at the morning hour tomorrow. Sun
day school will convene at ten a. m.
Rev. George w. Weimer. pastor
of the Christian church, will preach
at the usual hours. II a. m. and $50
and he extends a cordial invitation
to all members of this church as well
as the general public to be present.
Communion at 1886.
Il
There will be Mass at the Catholic
church at 3 o'clock. Rev. NJ. A. IIig-
gins. Of Tampa. officiating.
At the Episcopal church there will
be the usual service at IL a. m. and
evening prayer at five o'clock in the
afternoon.
The Cumberland Presbyterian Is
without pastor however. Sunday
school will be held at the usual hour
and In the evening Christian En-
dcavors will hold their regular week
ly meeting at $50 D. m.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
IDEAS IN SEPARATE SKIRTS
Garment Practically lndispe nsable and
Wide Choice Of Materials
May De Made.

II you would profit by the exampls
OF French tailors. you will order sen.
arate skirts Of one of the followine
materials:
First, a double-faced cloth that has
ieaped into important place is being
used. 1t practically trims itself. and
Will be very popular for this econom.
ical reason.
Then there are cheviots and serees
Tor lightweight models. and all colors
are in vogue. the neutral shades and
dark blue leading.
Heavy fancy suitings are very popu.
lar. The English tweeds and miyed
suitings are having a tremendous
favoritism shown them BY the lead.
Ing houses.
Tailored skirts are not 50 straight
In outline. many showing slashed #.
fects at the side. and all are maA.
walking length.
Some have slightly -aised vaist.
band. 20 that no belt is needed. vhile
others show q normal line, with a
stitched band attached to the AIR
On others q back panel L. attache6
with = modified front edge that er.
tends towards the front, thus formin.
. belt or girdle.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
The True Church.

The church that loves God with all
its heart and mind and strength and
does most good to the poor and
neglected is the true church.--Rav.
DR. Eakin. Episcopalian, Toronto.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
Religion a Joy.

Religion does not consist in draw
ing a long face and heaving signs as
We pass on the journey of life, but
in brightness and joy, the outcome of
Christian career.-Dr. William
Spurgecn, Evangelist. London.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH.

ElkSI 6AEIlSI C6U6C6.
Corner Florida avenue and Bay st.
The Rev. William Dudley Nowlin.
D. D., pastor.
Sunday school 9:45 a. m. H. c.
Stevens, superintendent.
Preaching Sunday at II a. m. and
1880 p. m.
Weekly prayermeeting Wednesday
evening at 1880.
WOman's Missionary and Aid So
ciety Monday $3.50 p. m.
Baptist Young Peoples Meeting
at $3.50 p. m.
Regular monthly business meeting
first Wednesday at 1880 p. m.
East Lakeland Mission.
Milton, superintendent. Prayer
meeting Thursday at Z p. M.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
Trick Of the Devil.

The devil is putting the butter on
the right side Of his bread when he
gets a big sinner to count the hypo-
critics in the church.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
Episcopal Church.

EplSc0pal church.
Rev. j. II. Weddell, rector.
Each Sunday excepting only the
third Sunday of each month.
Sunday school every Sunday at 10
q. m.
Service 1900 a. m.
Evening Prayer 500 p. m.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
Why We Lose Choice Gifts.

We fail to secure the choicest gifts
because we do not sincerely desire
them and are not willing to pay the
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
II. E. Church, South.

II. Z. Church, South.
w. l.. liner. Pastor.
Sunday school 9:45 a. m.
Morning sermon 1900 a. m.
Epworth League 600 p. nj.
Evening service, 700 p. m.
Prayermecting Wednesday SOC
. m.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11

cost .-Rev. DR.. W. G. Partridge,
Baptist, Pittsburg.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
Foolish.

That heiress is going to marry .
struggling young man" II she il q
sureenough heiress what's he strus.
Cling for?'-Houston Post
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11

Christian Church.
Geo. w. Weimer, Pastor.
Sunday school 9:45 a. m.
Communion 10:45 a. m.
Preaching, 1880 a. n.
Y. p. s. C. E. co-0perates with
other societies at Cumberland Pres
byterian church.
Evening sermon, 1880 a. n.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
The Same Lord.

The Lord we have known as laying
down his life for us is the same Lord
we have to do with every day of our
life. and all his dealings with us are
on the same principles OF grace. The
great secret of growth is looking up
to the Lord as gracious. How pre-
cious. how strengthening it Is to
know that Jesus is at this moment
feeling and exercising the same love
towards us as when he died on the
cross for us.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11

Lutheran Church.
Rev. H. J. Matthias, Pastor
Sunday school 10000 a. m.
Preaching service 1900 a. m.
Evening service will be resumed at
ar carly date.
Catholic Church.
Rev. A. b. Fox, Pastor.
Services are held on second and
fourth Sundays at 300 a. m.
Cumberland Presbyterian.
Without pastor.
Sunday school at the regular hour.
Y. p. s. c. E. at $50 D. m.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
Tomorrow afMe Churches
Some Thoughts for the Sabbath

A mans first duty to himself is to
be sincere-''tO mean what he says,
to say what he means" Insincerity
undermines every other virtue. Its
inward reaction is altogether evil.
Truthfulness is not merely speaking
the truth; it is more than that.
Truthfulness is simplicity in charac-
ter and sincerity in motive.-Rev.
DR.. Thomas Van Ness, Unitarian.
Boston.
Good Faith Essential.
1t is the utmost importance that
leaders In church affairs should ad.
here rigidly to high moral standard
concerning the honesty and good
faith Of their public acts. To advo-
cate a course of proceeding that is
essentially lawless in it's attitude. to
disregard ordinary standards Of hon
or and courtesy, to wink at shady nm
ancial measures is a course which
men of the world may excuse In one
another, but which they will not con-
done in Christians. We are glad that
this is true 1t Is tonic for GER
tain saints who might otherwise be
prone to "wabble" that they are
Obliged to provide things honest
in the sight of all men. especially
of them that are without" Chris
tian Advocate
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11

Presbyterian Church.
Rev. U. p. Chalmers, Pastor.
Sunday school 9:45 a. m.
Morning sermon 1900 a. m.
Evening sermon at 1880 p. m.
Y. P. S. c. E. meets In c0-opera-
ton with other societies at the Cum
berland Presbyterian.
Prayermeeting, Wednesday, 1880.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
Have a Purpose.

Live for something. Do good and
leave behind you a monument of vir-
tue that the storm of time can never
destroy. Write your name in kind
ness, love and mercy on the hearts
OF thousands you come in contact
with year by year: you will never be
forgotten.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1911-11-11
uooo ooo q q = 4
CHURCH CALENDAR.

.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-05-14
POTATO ALCOHOL IN RUSSIA.

In the alcohol distlllins industry OF Rus
sia potatoes are annually increasing IN i'm
portance. the alcohol produced thereIrom
cxceeding that produced from all other
sources. Aside from the large quantities Of
notatocs purchased every year By the rae
iories from peasant producers and estate
owners. whenever these may have sur
,ius which they cannot more prontably
ddienoee of there are large Plantations de-
yoted solely to the production Of potatoes
for distilllrg purposes. there being also a
.1'ncv to Increase these plantations
Tie potato crop of 1919 for European Rus
ra,inus year which was also "A good ono,
and the quality OF the tubers was In most
@i",ricts better than i'm 1873 The contents
", "rnvlum varied from II To little over
81 per cent. with an ayeIage OF IS per cent.
+, a. generally supposed that. the climate
presia is favorable for the production
Of potatoes in vast Quantities, and that.
,',,b the aid OF fertilizers their production
w" J., Increased To meet all demands OF
disiilaton, ;he production n on Genaturalized
npses now heinz only In its infancy.-Con-
sular Report
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-05-14
Life Will Be
Safe in New
York July 4
Committees Hard
at Work on Programmes
of Patriotism.

xCOTRAGFD by the extraordinary
- success of last years experiment
IL New York is planning another saie
and sane" celebration Of the Fourth %
July in which every element OF real NON
day will be united with proper coihihei"-
Grafton of Tie Declaration or lhdepeh-
dence. The return 10 the old-fashiohe"
iGea. fostered last year by Mayor ddy"of'
has met with the approval OF city star
and national officials In all parts Oh '"o
country. Cities and towns, large an"
small, are encouraging the spread OF '"e
safe and sane" method. and TINS year
more than three-fourths of the celebrations
viii he of the kind in vogue before the
days Of Incorporated fireworks.
In New York the citizens committee
appointed by Mayor Gaynor is at Work Oh
q programme that will overlook no Gle
ment Of the holiday. and at the same time
keep before the public the real cause OF
rejoicing. There will be ample sources OF
amusement for the small boy, and they
will be Of the kind that has a regard for
big future value 10 the nation, the kind
that will lessen the danger Of his being
cent to hospital or morgue. The COM
uittee is comforting daily with various
civic bodies and neighborhood associaa-
tions. listening TO their suggestions and
odontlng many Of their plans.
The Board of Education is arranging for
= proper observance Of the day BY the va
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-05-14

of Precedence When any newly created
peer takes his scat in the House Of
Lords for the first time il is Garter King
OF Arms who assigns To him his place
and supervises his initiation as an
hereditary legislator. besides which he
is charged with the notification TO new
knights of their appointment TO the
order Of the Garter when they are
British subjects. and usually forms part
of the special embassy sent TO convey
the insignia Of the Garter to any foreign
sovereign upon whom it has been be-
slowed. As an officer Of the order he
wears gold chain. pendant to which Is
a gold medal. enamelled with the Sow
ereign's arms. impaled with the Cross
cf st. George. surrounded with the Gar
ter and surmounted by an imperial
crown.
The headquarters Of Garter and Of his
two subordinate Kings of Arms in Lon
don are. as mentioned above, the So
called College of Arms. fine old build
ing Of the seventeenth century. in Queen
Victoria street. Although the charter OF
INCORPORATION of the college as now or
gained dates back only to the reign of
Richard III, whose signature it bears,
vet il was already in existence. in the
reign of Edward Ill The chapter of the
COLLEGE consists Of the Earl Marshal, the
Kings of Arms, the Heralds and the
four Pursuivants. who hold their office
bv patent from the Earl Marshal. They
were originally employed to apprehend
state offenders, whence their name.
Their police duties have now ceased
They,assist the Kings Of Arms and Her
aids in armorial work, as well as in the
MANAGEMENT Of state pageants. and are
known as Rouge CroiX. Blue Mantle,
Portcuiis and Rouge Dragon.
IT may occur TO some If my readers to
ask what possible modern benefit such
an institution as this can effect TO justify
the public outlay necessary for its sup
port. To this 1t may be answered that
the official salaries of the Heralds, Of the
1 Kings Of Arms and Of the Pursuivants
4 are more than recouped every year by
the taxes paid into the national treasury
for the use of armorial bearings. the tax
varying i'm size according TO whether the
arms figure on plate or on the panels
Of carriages.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-05-14
Blooungdales Lex. to Sd Ave, 59th to 6Osh ST.

which Alderman Frank Downing II '""''
man and Alderman Bryant willard se''
,o,.,.. a music committee. headed by hou'S
v-tio,, and Professor Henry T. flecN' "
.i,,,ir,, societies committee. headed by
Theodore Henninger. and fireworks COM
,,,itteo headed by Alderman Samuel Marx
rIormor Ridder is president of the COM
,oittee. Edward llagaman Hall. uce-pre'-
ident: William \. Johnston secietdi|' anu
Isaac y. Seligman. treasurer. 10 r"'''
funds for this, safe and sane mel"ou Z"
finance committee has been appointed o.
which James :. Cushman is chairman anu
Isaac y. Selgman treasurer. Inc com"
mittee REQUIRES 100000. contributions
should be sent to the treasurer at 80
William street. All contributions Will DC
acknowledged in the columns or the daiI|
,onors Every citizen Is invited To con-
trihute one dollar will be as SratefuIy
received as a thousand. In the hrst state
,nent issued by the committee as a body
the members defended their support OF the
old-fashioned Fourth of July.
The rational celebration of the Fourth
of Julv." they said. should receive the
support Of our citizens not only for pa
triotic reasons but also for humanitarian
and practical considerations. In the last
eight wears 37526 persons have been III
iured. l.GC2 persons have been killed and
millions of dollars worth Of property has
beeu DESTROYED by fire in the United states
az the result of the old-fashioned Fourth.
Last wear the deaths and bodily injuries
we're reduced 90 per cent i'll New York and
the loss by nre also greatly reduced. y
contribution TO the safe and sane Fourth
Is q very practical form Of life. accident
and fire insurance