The Washington times., 1911-04-07
HARBOR Of MISSING
THINGS SOMEWHERE
IN BIG, VIDE WORLD
Wonderful Stories Told in
Fine-Type Bulletined
Advertisements.

| We all have secretly sympathized with
| the old woman who declared it was
enough TO drive anybody to strong drink
to think of what becomes of all the pins
that are lost every year.
By pins, she means papers of pins
but included in the list might as we'll be
all other kinds-lace pins, breast pins,
class pins, and any old pins you happen
to own.
Do they wing their way to the "Port
of Missing Things?"
If there is such a harbor 1t must have
very large warehouse, crowded tight
with all sorts of jewels and trinkets, for
jewelry, although It lacks intelligence, is
often apparently endowed with the full
quota of depravity attributed to inani-
mate things.
Il know a girl who always reads the
Lost and Found column in the news
papers first, before she looks at any
other part of It.
In these shee very frequently finds
that a perfect armada" of wealth was
recently lost right in her neighborhood;
maybe it's a set of Tiffany pearls and a
reward of $500 is offered for the return.
Big Animals Lost.
In country newspapers some man is
always advertising for a "roan pony
with a brand on his right shoulder" or
for a 'hrindIe COW with a crumpled
horn"
Who finds all these lost articles-dia-
monds, dogs, livestock, pigskin purses?
Are they probably returned to the per-
sons who want them back?
No less interesting are the Where
abouts Wanted" ads for lost relatives.
One often would like to follow up the
announcement that John Smith immi
grated to a certain town in 100, leaving
behind him a family of sisters and
brothers in England
Given a lapse of a hundred years the
lawyers in England are advertising for
the heirs.
It is stated that by communicating
with the parties below the heirs will
learn something to their advantage"
Mind Goes Romancing.
Being of romantic turn Of mind. you
begin to speculate as to what the ''ad-
vantage" might be.
If Smiths daughter should go back to
England and get a whole pile of money
(Which we understand something 10
their advantage to mean, what would
she do with it?
Go to Paris and blow it in" on
good time" and buy wonderful Paris
ian costumes?
Or maybe she has a sweetheart some
where back in America. Do you think
he'd go over and Immediately marry tn"
lady and the twain enjoy splendid
honeymoon on the Riviera, and then
come back to America broke" and set
tie down again to SKINNED milk in a
suburban cottage?
All, these wonderful NEAR stories!"
When you read between the lines in
the stpidest of newspapers even, the
stories that are mot" written are some
times the most wonderful-from the
picking up of a ''pigskin" bag, and
finding fortune in It. to the finding OF
a defunct and wealthy relative who has
left you grand estate over in Aus
tralia.
There is still another class Of hoped
for rewards.
Where to Look for a Convict.
In postoffices and railway stations
there is always something to fascinate
you in the pictures OF escaped con-
victs"-convicts who escaped from such
and such a penitentiary on May the
3Othr'
A reward Of $500 in offered for infor-
nation of such a ones whereabouts
This is where the small hoy comes in
and opens his eyes 10 a Mick Carter
adventure.
To capture a "jailbird''-to get a re-
ward of $500-what a chance
Why, the King of England couldn't
do better" the small boy reflects, than
to make that much at one fell swoop."
But where to start-that is the ques-
tion.
Once out in the streets, every loafer
the small boy meets looks like the pic
ture of the convict, but in the meantime
no one seems to capture the right per-
son, and so the picture stays up in the
postoffice or the railway station, as the
case may be, until it gets old and fly
specked. and the money-alas how easily
it might have been made If only one
knew where to go to look for aeon
viCt.
With all the lost things that are
roaming around at large in this big old
world, We ought to be as wealthy as
kings-tf we only knew where to go to
NJ tho ybar