davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

vive don't mind it. She gets it from
her mothers side-asbestos ran in her
family"
Then, to Uncle Peters infinite re-.
lief, Hank hoisted his scythe and float.
ed off.
The candidate began again: "Fel-
low-citizens, taxpayers and enlight-
ened voters of Ruraldene, this ia
NON entous moment in the history of
our beloved little city. have heard
with a feeling Of pardonable pride"
Enter at this moment Lizzie Joyce,
with the windshield lid, the grouchy
grip and the parasol with the freckles
on it.
She was made up to stop the first
passenger train that got flash of her.
I'm after giving you my notice,
men," she said to Aunt Martha abso-
lutely blind to the fact that Uncle
Peter was glazing at her and boiling
| with indignation.
1t certainly does jar a budding
statesman to have the cook come out
of the kitchen and put the boots to his
maiden speech.
whats the matter this time?" in
quired the gentle Aunt Martha, anx-
ious to avert a disaster.
| "A strange boy just came in the
kitchen and told me that was workin'
for the man that invinted the In
creased Cost-of-Living club" answered
Lizzie, throwing a baleful CLEAN at
Uncle Peter, and I'll not work for no
criminal The boy told me, too, that
the man I'm workin' for spind all his
money to keep Ireland from gettin'
home rule, and quits me job"
WHAT" shrieked Uncle Peter,
| dancing around the lawn. II invented
the Increased Cost of-Living club!
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
! John E1enry
MAKES A !:
STATEMENT
By GEORGE V. HOBART

| was sitting on the Veranda one
morning studying "The Politicians
Catechism," which l had found some
where, when Clara ]. declared herself
In and got curious about the litera-
ture was handling with so much in
terest.
Its politics-1'm studying the
game" told her. You wouldn't un-
derstand it, Peaches"
put her wise.
II don't know who the Dope is that
cooked this up" said, "but he knows
how to play ball. Listen to this:
The Politicians catechism.
Question-What is the first duty of
a candidate?
Answer-A duty of about 81 per
cent. on his barrel" If the barrel"
won't stand it, make it 80 1-3.
Question-What is candidate. any,
way?
Answer-A candidate is thing
which the ward managers use for leg
pulling purposes up and until election
day, when II successful the thing"
becomes 1T"
Question-In making a speech, what
should a candidate use for his open
ing sentence?
Answer-"I believe that a public
Office is public trust"
QuestiOn-Is this strictly new?
Answer-Oh, no! Adam used to sit
q nd
recite it to the birds and beasts before
elocution books were printed.
Question-Then, why should a can.
didate always use It?
AnsWer-Because usually candi-
dates are so busy watching their
pocketbooks they haven't time to think
original thoughts for home consump
ton.
Question-Name another sterling
sentence which q candidate may use
with impurity.
Answer-I am eternally, ire
vocably and everlastingly opposed to
everything that needs opposition dur
ing the course of such time as l may
be in position to draw a salary while
opposing such things as may need op-
position"
Question-Good! That reads like
Alcibiades, sounds like Socrates, and
means as much as Populist platform.
What is the opening sentence of the
second paragraph of the first section
of a candidates speech?
Answer-"The will Of the sovereign
people Of this glorious ward will not
let such heinous crime go unpun-
ished."
Question-What is the heinous
crime referred to?
Answer-Damf1nO
QuestiOn-COrrect. Can you name
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
Knockout Blow,

A knockout blow was handed Carl
Muller, a California policeman the 9th.
er day under rather unusual circum.
stances. Muller and his party were
automobiling through an unsettled por.
ton Of the country, when five deer ap-
peared in the middle of the road. No
one of the party was armed, but Null.
Ter conceived the idea of capturing
one of the animals alive. He jumped
from the automobile and sneaked up
to the herd. AS he got within strik.
ing distance Of young buck the AMI.
NAL let fly with his heels and caught
Muller squarely on the chin. That
ended the chase. It was five minutes
before the deer chaser could be re-
suscitated and the trip resumed
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

tailers in all parts of the country.
Continuing his previous habits Of
study, your boy will find here oppor-
tunity to exercise all the brains he pos.
sesses. He will not only be in compe-
tition with the other Offices in the city,
but this competition will extend to the
mills, as we'll as to the retailers; for
it is quite as important to be able to
buy cheaply as to sell for high fig
ure Many mills follow the custom of
loading cars with their product and
shipping them to some transfer point
on the speculation that there will be
a demand somewhere nearby by the
time the car reaches it's destination.
wholesalers also do this, frequently
having hundreds of cars in various
parts of their selling district which
may be diverted quickly to yard or
other buyer not far away, thus ma
king hit with the buyer on account
Of the quick delivery, and getting
their money quickly.
Wholesalers also maintain the
closest possible relations with mills
turning out the kind Of product they
handle: some of them, indeed, having
actual definite relations with certain
mills to handle all their product.
Thus, your boy, who is now matured
man of % to Is, and is drawing sal
airy of perhaps $125 a month, will be
chosen to make the annual or semi
annual visit the firm pays to the mills,
spending several weeks looking into
manufacturing conditions and sign
ing contracts.
This gives him personal standing
with the mill men and also a close
knowledge of the general phases of
manufacturing, cost, output, freight
production and its influence on prices,
etc. Also he has been visiting the re-
tail dealers that handle this lumber
and knows Just as Intimately all their
requirements in the way of prices,
quantity, etc. So he has become the
keen, able connecting link between
producer and consumer.
Don't you see what a big future
there is in store for him? Before long
he will likely start in firm Of his
own, with an associate or two, one of
them devoting himself to the selling
and the other to the buying end. He
will not require much money to do
this, for he has established credit with
the mill men, and can sell to retailers
before he has to pay the manufac-
turer
From here on his line of work will
be what he chooses to make it. AS he
has set out to be a real lumberman,
with mill of his own, he will look
for opportunities to get into some
manufacturing firm. This may come
through an offer to be eastern selling
representative Of large mill, placing
all it's product, and later on to go to
that mill as resident manager of the
sales department, the biggest end Of
the business, and, ultimately, by the
time he Is IS or 40 he will have oppor.
tunity to be taken in as a member of
that or some other firm.
Thus he becomes one of the import
ant members of one of the largest de-
partments Of Industrial life in the
world, with the high social and busi-
ness standing he deserves and album.
dant financial reward.
Copyright, 1910, by the Associated Lit
erary Press.)
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
my Heavens! My Speech Has Been StoIen!"

the second sentence Of the third para
graph of the first section Of candi-
dates speech?
Answer-I say, let us have justice,
though the heavens fall, and should
any man haul down the American flag,
shoot him on the spot"
Question-What spot?
Answer-Ten spot, suppose.
Question-Correct. Name the first
fourth section Of candidates speech
on a,hot summers night.
Answer-"I will cling earnestly to
the faith Of my fathers and I will re-
sist, tooth and nail, with all my soul
and with all my strength and with all
my will and with all my power the
Vaccinations of those low-browed
devils who seek to bend the neck of
the sovereign citizens of this ward be-
meath their iron heels"
Question-1n what ward have they
low-browed devils and iron heels?
Answer-They always have 'em in
the wards where the candidate is par
ticularly young and effervescent.
Question-Can you repeat the first
sentence of the seventeenth paragraph
of the eighteenth section of a can
didate's speech?
Answer-"The Office should seek
the man"
Question-That sounds new and re-
freshing. BY whom was it invented?
Answer-By a politician from Rome
about the time Mr.. J. Caesar built his
first summer cottage in Gaul.
Question-What is platform?
Answered. platform is thing to
stand on
Question-What is a political plat
form?
Answer-A political platform is a
thing to jump on.
Question-What Is the candidates
favorite expression previous to elec-
ton?
Answer-'Every citizen is a sover-
eign, and glory in the thought"
Question-What Is successful can
didate's favorite expression after cleo
ton?
Answer-"Every citizen is an Office
hunter. and they make me sick"
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

mander to act. If you're going to lose
your temper at the first challenge of
the enemy, where will you be when
the real fight begins?"
You're right, Peaches" said, sim.
mering down, "and that will be about
all for me until Uncle Peter is elected.
Bunch hit me with hot potato when
l wasn't looking and I choked up.
Hereafter me with the General Grant
cigar in the face and the glad wrinkles
around the eyes for all Corners"
Uncle Peter and Aunt Martha
joined us, the latter beaming with
pride and the former tapping nervous.
~ on roll of foolscap and smiling at
the universe.
The speech of acceptance is ready,
john" Uncle Peter announced. and
l hope you'll approve and ratify nv
platform. If do say 1t myself, this
speech is an inspiration. feel that it
will be the foundation Of a great DO
ltical future. The more I read it over
the more it reminds me of Lincoln's
gifted utterances. When the commit
tee gets here they will listen, spell.
bound. I'm sure you'll all be sur
prised."
Hank, the gardener, strolled up and
leaned on his scythe as Uncle Peter
started in.
"Fellow-citizens, taxpayers and en-.
lightened voters of Ruraldene," the
old gentleman began; this is a mo-
mentous moment in the history of our
beloved little CITY,"
When he paused for approval Aunt
Martha turned to Hank and said.
isn't it perfectly lovely! and the Ian
guage is so convincing, tool"
mo, ma'am,' Hank replied, mot
two, only one-Genevive, my third
youngest, she's ailin' some"
"Oh, dear mel" sighed the fustered
old lady; Il always forget about Door
Hanks affection" Then, in a shrill
scream to the gardener: II was speak
ing of Mr.. Grants speech. Don't you
catch its drift"
"Catching!" answered Hank, anna
bly,; "oh. no, mann! it amt nothin'
catchin'. It's just a mild attack of
asbestos-here in the chest-she
wheezes frightful at times. but Gene
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

Are you going to make Uncle
Peter study all that?" inquired Clara
J. when l finished.
NO." l answered.; he'll be too
busy making marks in his check
book"
Uncle Peter was going to run for
office against his old rival, Bill Gray,
and he had elected me campaign
manager.
Before she could ask for further de-
tails the postman came trailing up the
road with the morning mail.
Hank, our gardener, went down to
the gate to meet him. Hank is as deaf
as the conscience of a ward boss.
Good morning." said the postman.
"Hey?" whispered Hank with his
southpaw up to his listener.
Il say, it's a nice morning" the
letter carrier yelled.
"Yes, all very well thank ye!"
Hank replied; "exceptin' my littlest
gal, Genevive. She was ailin' some
when left home this mornin'."
That's too bad" the letter carrier
sympathized loudly.
"Two!" cried Hank; "oh, bless
you, no! I've got nine Of 'em. The
oldest is Twelve years and the young
est is fourteen days"
The letter carrier laughed and was
on his way while Hank brought the
mail to me, still talking as he sorted
the letters over: But l don't see no
gold medals coming from ex-President
Roosevelt because I didn't commit a
race suicide. reckon J. Fenimore
Cooper was right when he said repub-
lies is ongrateful critters" Hank
sighed and went back to his garden.
Here's a scream from Bunch"
said opening the letter which read as
follows:
Dear John-Mr. William Gray has APP
pointed me his campaign manager, and I
take pleasure in announcing that our
prospects for success are more than hope
full. mean to work I have never
worked before. and you may depend upon
1t that Mr.. Peter Grant will have hard
day or course we don't believe in per
sonalities or mud-sling1ng, but this does
not blind Us to the fact that old Peter
, Grant Is the inventor Of the original In
creased Consolidating club, and we will
prove it to the satisfaction Of the voters
in this district 1t must be awful to have
a man like Foxy Pete in the family, and
you have my heartfelt sympathy in your
hour of Woe This will be one time. how
ever. when he'll get all that's coming to
him and he'll begin to get it soon.
1'0v' BGKG XGu JEFFERSON.
well, wouldn't that tie your horse, "
I yelled. Bunch, my old friend and
pal for years. throwing the harpoon
into me and breaking it off! CT me a
pen so l can get back at him and curl
his hair
Wait a moment, john" suggested
Clara J. THAT'S no way for q com.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
EATS WHAT HE LIKES
after TAKING FREE SAMPLE

It will be welcome news to dyspeptics
TO learn Of remedy that. in the opinion
OF thousands. is an absolute cure for in
digestion and all forms Of stomach trou-
bic. and, better still. 1t IL guaranteed to
do 30. The remedy Is DR.. Caldwelrs
Syrup Pepsin.
We all know tho value q pure pepsin
IN Indigestion, and add to this some ex-
ceptional laxative ingredients and you
have q truly wonderful remedy. Mr.. 7.
w: Worthy Of Forsythe, Ga, got to the
point where he could not even eat or d.
eest vegetables and after many years Of
wells Syrup Pepsin. Mr.. Rudy Kasner Of
Moline. ILL.,. was in the same bad pre-
0cament with his stomach, took 0yrup
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

Pepsin and IL now cured. Hundreds AZ
others would gladly testify.
1t Is a guaranteed euro for Indication.
constipation, biliousness, headaches. eas
on the stomach and similar complaints.
A bottle can b had at any drug store
Ior n1ty cents or Z dollar. but IL you wish
to mako a test Of 1t first send vour al
dress to DR.. Caldwell ana he viii supply
FREQ sample bottle. sent direct to your
ADDRESS. You will soon admit that you
nave found something to replace salte.
catnartics, bseath perfumes and otheI
temporary reesfs. Syrup Pepsin win curs
your permanently. :
For the free sample address d.. ". 4.
Ce!dwen. ~ Caldwell building. Nea41s
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
ZIMMERMAN?

The popular idea Of this occu-
patton is far from the facts. 1t
is calling which includes every
form Of industry connected with
lumber-from the telling Of the
tree in the woods to the sale Of
the finished product in the yard.
Whichever branch Of it your boy
may choose, there is plenty of
room at the top.
BY c. w. JENNINGS.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
labrador's Future.

According to statements made the
other day by DR.. Grenfell of Labrador,
the Cinderella Of British possessions
has a brilliant future before it. DR..
Grenfell, who has lived twenty years
in that snowy country, says that in
days to come it will carry q popula-
ton as easily as Norway does today.
1t Is, he says, better country than
Iceland, and to be greatly preferred
to Lapland, Finland, Siberia and
Northern Alaska.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
The Point Of View.

II notice that you have given up
the fight for cleaner city. You used
to be one of the leaders in the oppo-
sition to the smoke nuisance"
Eyes. I've come to the conclusion
that smoke cannot be abolished. It's
useless to keep harping on the ques-
tion."
by the way, what business are you
in now?"
"Oh, I've quit working for a salary.
An uncle of mine left me a valuable
interest in one of our biggest ma
chine shops"
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
Saskatoon Offers You Success

II yoH are an intellgent, Woodworking
not credit the prosperity of our farmers
unless you actually came and saw. Why
not come? If you do, you will be sorry
you had not come years ago. Perhaps you
are not getting along very we'll, except in
tho matter of years. Better do something
for your children's sake. Join our pros
perity.. For all information write the
Commissioner, Board of Trade, Saska.
toon. Saskatchewan. Western Canada.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
Close Guess,

Schmidt-Ve got a new baby by
our house yesterday.
Schmaltz-Vas iss; poy or girl?
Schmidt vond dell you. You hei
got to guess 1t.
Schmaltz-Is i'd a girl?
Schmidt-You cho-o.o-st missed It,
Youngstown Telegram.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
Avoid tho Cheap and "6ig Can" Yak
Ina Powders.


Ing Powders.
The cheap baking powders have but one
recommendation: they certainly give tie
purchaser plenty of powder for his money
but it's not all baking powder; the bull
is made up of cheap materials that have
no leavening power. These powders are
50 carelessly made from inferior mate
rails that they will not make light, whole
some. food. Further. these cheap baking
powders have a very small percentage OF
leavening gas; therefore it takes from two
to three times as much of such powder to
raise the cake or biscuit as it does of Calu.
met Baking Powder. Therefore, in the long
run, the actual cost to the consumer of the
cheap, powders is more than Calumet
would be.
Why not buy perfectly wholesome bak.
ing powder like Calumet, that is at the
same time moderate in price and one
which can be relied upon? Calumet gives
the cook the least trouble.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
One Of the Producers.

you should endeavor to do some.
thing for the comfort Of your fellow
men," said the philanthropist, with.
out thought of reward"
II do. I buy umbrellas instead of
borrowing them"
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

The truth is that the love of dress
is, next after drink and gambling, one
of the curses of our country.-Mrs.
Humphrey.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

Your Druggist VIII Tell You
Murine Eye Remedy Relieves Sore Eyes,
Strengthens Weak Eyes. Doesn't Smart,
Soothes Eye Pain. Try it in Baby's
Eyes for Scaly Eyelids and Granulation.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
Stood Examinat

Stood Examination Well.
did you have any trouble in GETTING
through the custom-house?"
No internal injuries.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

To keep. the blood pure and the skin
slear, drink Garfield Tea before retiring,
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

Some women are like some old hens
set III their ways.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
He Loses Popularity.

Everybody likes a good loser"
Eyes, until he tries to borrow some.
thing from the man who was on the
winning SIDE"
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

Most women would be very uninter.
esting II they couldn't talk.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

Who 80 neglects learning in his
youth, loses the past and is dead for
the future.-Euripides.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

HE word "lumberman," as it
is used here, does not apply
exclusively to the rough and
often disreputable logging
crews of our great forests.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

less, woman except cases. submit
Dr. Perces right privacy Of
your home His "Favorte Prescription has cured
hundreds of hossands of them tho Of
regularly
physician The its
on No alcohol and due: found in Some
With health Write Worlds Dspnay Medical Associaon Dr. R.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

important to Mothers
examine carefully every bottle Of
CASTOR1A, a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that it
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05
WELCOME W0RDs TO WOMEN

Women who suffer with disorders peculiar to their
should write to Dr. Pierce and receive free the
advice of Q physician Of over 10 years. experience
"a skilled and successful specialist in the diseases
Of women. Every letter Of this sort has the most
careful consideration and 10 regarded sacredly
confidential. Many senstively modest women write
fully to DR.. Pierce what they would shrink from
telling to their local physician. The local physician
10 pretty sure to say that he cannot do anythinf
without ian examination.' DR.. Pierce holds that
these distasteful examinations are fenerally need.
less, and that NO woman, except in rare cases,
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-05-05

w. N. U, Minneapolis, No. 1891.
Norwich bulletin. [volume] (Norwich, Conn.) 1895-2011, 1911-07-13
FUN ERAL.
Elisha F. Perry.

Funeral services at the chapel were
held Wednesday morning with burial
in Grove street cemetery for Elisha
Fairbanks Perry. who died in a Wor-
cester hospital last Sunday night aft
er a long illness. Mr.. Perry was a
native of the town of Killingly, where
he was born March 20, 1886, the daugh-
ter of George and Eliza Perry. The
early part of lis life was spent in
Putnam. He went from here to Wor-
cester, where he was employed as fore
man of repairs by the Boston & AL
bany railroad Later he returned to
Putnam, living on Grove street.
On March 20, 1861. he married Miss
Mary J. Randall. the couple living to
celebrate the golden anniversary of
the event in March of the present
year.
Mr.. Perry is survived by his wife,
two brothers. James e. Of Putnam and
John H. of Ballouville; three sisters,
Mrs. John Wells of Putnam, Mrs. Car
o1ine Chaffee of Woodstock and Mrs.
Martha Rogers of Lowell, Mass; three
grandchildren and three daughters,
Mrs. Caro- Sawyer of Worcester. Mrs.
Nellie Bowers of Leominster. Mass.
and Mrs. Bertha Bergman of Wor-
cester.