The Washington bee., 1911-07-08
Public Men And ThinDs
(By the Sage of the Potomac.)
(By the Sage of the Potomac.)

Every time I hear Capt James F.
OYSTER speak, intuitively my mind
wanders back to the days of Demos
thenese and then comes wandering
slugglishly up through the cycles of
time. taking in Cicero, Daniel
! lOConneI, Patrick Henry, Daniel
Webster. Calhoun, Gladstone, Inger-
sol, ingalls,, and every other spell
binder who ever aroused the pOpulace.
And | am reminded of these past ora
tors every time l hear the Captain
speak-because his style of oratOTy is
| so different Had Ingersol, Patrick
Henry or Daniel O'Connell lived in
this time, as orators they would have
| been in. the yellow class along side OF
the Oyster man. Every time | see
Capt Oyster get up to eluCidate upon
few inCoherent ideas l get nervous
| for the people to whom he IS likely
to refer You know Capt. Oyster
never uses any polish on his utter
ances, and he never wraps his SEN
tences up in cotton to still the noise,
and he never puts arnica salve on his
words to keep them from hurting. He
| Just lets her go Gallagher, and God
/ help the others.
| /.
But Capt. Oyster never asked to be
catalogued in the library of orators
He's willing that DR. Tunnel and
| Mr. Horner shall be the real suspect
ed orators while he does the work.
All men can't shine as orators, and
some men can't shine as workers
| But if this man Capt Oyster had
happened to have missed train con-
nections and failed to arrive in this
life, I'm thinking there would have
been shoel to play in the colored
schools. 1t keeps the Captain busy
setting on the lid. Now | say set
ting advisedly, for he matches out
Reasonable harmony. | never saw a
white man built on the style of archl-
lecture that Captain Oyster is, who
took the interest in cOlOred schools
| that he does Big, gruff, plain unvar-
/ nished butter, cheese and egg man
that he is, there's a whole lot of
sduareness imprisoned in his rugged
frame. A lot OF these teachers,
would-be teachers, and teacher
knockers are constantly. running to
| him with tales about this school ottl-
cial or that one, and | can't see how
ihe has the patience to listen TO their
lselfsh tales of woe. But you bet
| Capt. Oyster knows a good official
iwhen he sees him, and he knows a
| designer when he meets him. Capt.
/ tOvster never took postgraduate
Icourse at Heidelberg, and he never
was a member of Harvard or Nale's
iPhi Kappa society, and as close as
! GEORGETOWN University IS to his but
tier emporium | don't believe he could
locate it in a civil service eXamlna-
) ton, but when it comes to what Is
Ineeded to maintain the efficiency OF
b the local common schools he's got
the edge on all these college grad
luates. It's lust natural with him tC
, take a deep interest in them. l went
down to see him one day, and while
. I was waiting on the outside OF HI;
= sanctum sanctOrium there was another
sponge-cake colored teacher inside
pouring out his woes. Every now anC
then | could hear the Captain throw
bucket of cold water upon his offer
. lings. or hand him a bit Of acid. WheI
lthis spOnge-cake COlOred indivldua
Iemerged from Capt Oysters presenc'
land passed me, he looked like tel
E low who had gone after satisfaction
.and got about two pounds OF d1SSauS
e. faction. The Captain just paralyzec
him. | like the rugged old captain
? because there is so much genuine
fairness in his anatomy. And l l1k'
: him because he stands up straight t'
/ the four winds of these cOlore'
schools here. And / like him becaus
you are sure to get all the justlc'
y there is when he dips his oar III tn
= troubled seas.
And let me tell you the cOloret
= schools OF Washington are TROUBLED
sea. It's an awful cold day at Green
i land when some of these misft
l. around here are not trying to star
I something. If it was not for tn
S constant friction in the colore'
schools life would be a winning da,
T at Monte Carlo for Capt. Oyster. A
n it is, these spunge-cake and prune
= Commissioned individuals who hav
e their habitat in the District cause tn
K CAPTAIN so much trouble and perpleX
Il ity that he can't even smell his linn
II burger when it gets to be thre
Imonths old, and it IS often hard 10
It him to recognize his over ripe he
T fruit from that which just arrive
n from her henship's layout. But yo
q can't fool him as between a teache
a who is delivering the goods and tn
r teacher who is delivering nothing bu
s complaints And you can't fool hir
y between the teacher who is attendln
II to his knitting and the teacher VIII
Il is an accessory to a dark-lanter
Ii meeting. Nap Marshall, who has an
e never did have any children, t
ispeak of, in the public schools, an
4, who has no interests here. with a
o his Harvard training and Brownsvlll
e eiexperience, can't convince Captai
Oyster that Bruce is not a live WIZ
e Now if smooth, plausible Nap Maj
81 shall, backed up by two or thre
5 other wreckers. can't convince tn
o Captain, how in the devil can thes
d inexperienced hunters, who go hunt
ing with only shot guns, expect to k1
e quadruped? Seems TO me the
e would stop trying to flag the tran
? and stop trying to ease Captain a
e April fool pOcketbook. Just rely upo
-e il seven days in the week, that Cap
IS lanes F. Oyster. who sells butte
e eggs and cheese just TO be sociabl'
ND who Is the big noise in the put