davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01
Bleat Of the Innocent ByStander

m glad TO see the police commissioner
are going 10 prevent young boys and girls
from driving automobile" observed the
Regular Fellow.
Youth must be served-with a summons
AS TIE great writer said" replied the In
nocent Bystandcr. THEY can't arrest auto
Fobile sbeeders or offenders in New York
~ Instance. All they can DO is to hand
them summons 20 come 20 court. please
there's nice fellow. They can't arrest
an -automobiist-unless he kills a man. and
the car. The juries think he suffers enough
keeping il up
Certainly an original thought about TAX
ing steering wheel away from children.
Poor modern children don't have anything
left to them Il they live In cities. They
took away their unsafe and insane Fourth;
they can't play base ball in the street with
out setting run over or being arrested. and
they're not allowed to play without having
4 paid instructor to show them how.
And here on top OF this comes the cru
sade to take away from each freeboru
American boy the inherent right to run an
automobile around loose. Isn't 1t a shame?
There's nothing IN the constitution pro
hibiting boys Of from Il % Is years running
an automobile. an express locomotive, q
steam roller. a maverick. wild elephant
yqurTg thunderRolt. any other un-
leased engiile OF destruction through q
crowded street
odd fogies who make or enforce the laws
now never had automobiles when they were
boys. At best they were allowed to
'chauff the mild old family horse and
buggy down shady lane or TO ride old
Dobbin around the lot or II they were
real young old fogies they may have gone
scooting through the streets and coasting
down hills on safely bicycles, which re-
sernbled safety razors in that the users had
many close shaves.
But. never did the law enforcers know
the delights Of being a boy or girl or spirit
sort OF spirit chiid-and go racing around
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01

China raises more ducks than all the
rest Of the world. Their voices are fami-
liar sound in every town and country spot
of the seacoast and the interior Of the vast
empire. Even in the large cities ducks
abound. They dodge between the coolies
legs they fit squawking out of the way
Of the horses. Their indignant quaek viii
not unseldom drown the roar of urban
commerce Children herd ducks on every
road, Oh every pond, on every farm, on
every lake, on every river. There is no
back yard without its duekhouse. There
is no boat, little or great. without its duck
quarters.
All over the land there are great duck
Matching establishments many OF them Of
capacity huge enough to produce 500.
young ducks every year.
Duck among the Chinese is a staple deh-
caey. II 10 salted and smoked like ham
or beef, II IL served as e delicaey pre-
pared In many ways, and number Of
travellers declare only the Chinese know
how 20 cook and serve nice fat duck.
In royal households ard among the very
wealthy the duck is served in a particu-
lar style in honor OF any distinguished
guest and those fortunate enough to have
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01
Told. by. the Troubled Tourist

whats the matter with the weather
you folks have here. anyway demanded
the Troubled Tourist Indignantly, as he
mopped his fsvered' brow and struggled
for breath s .s
awhile ago was telling you it wasn't
80 hot herei that folks only thought 1t
was hot and got all worked up in conse-
quence. 4 go around feeling like Tn in a
Turkish bath, and yet 1 look at the Their
mometer and the mercury isn't high at all
thinking maybe the quicksilver had
gone to sleep was loafing on the job, or
something. applied to. the nearest suf-
Frer for some general information on the
Abject
no, It isn't hot at all today he said
Very pleasant. in fact-if it wasn't for the
humidity
oh. that's what the stuff is. is itT /
said. Where DO they keeP,tt?'
Nowhere In PARTICULAR says the In
formation Map, 1t just, hangs around in
the air like a. wet rag. The Thermometer,
you know. can register only 70 and the
. humidity be up as high as 9s.'
We'll. / said, we haven't got any
such by,pEodnet. as that out in my coun-
try out tlrere when IT'S hot it's. Just
plain hot aid when it isn't hot II isn't
that's ALI bat here you set up IN the
uNAnyaing aud you take a look at "a thar
mometeT- and 1t flashes you the signal for
a nice. mild midsummer day. Then you
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01
Fair Ladies Of the. White House


During the brief administration Of Pres
ident James Abram Garfield, which was
cut short by the hand of an assassin, his
wife presided with great tact and charm
ing dignity over the social affairs of the
White House and the social life Of Wash
ington.
She was Lucretia Rudolph and was the
daughter of an Ohio farmer. Mr.. Zeb Ru-
Islph. She Was born in Hiram, Portage
COUNTY Ohio. on the 18th Of April, 1872
She was a fellow student of James Abram
Garfield at Hiram College. where their in
/erest in each other deepened and finally
took on sentimental tinge.
Garfield then went to Williams College
to complete his education, and upon his
return. in 1857, he was made president of
Hiram College. On November II, in the
year following. he and his fellow student
of earlier days. Lucretia Rudolph, were
married in Hudson, Ohio.
During the dark days Of the civil war,
when General Garfield won his spurs as a
fighter. and later in congress, and in the
brief days Of his presidential career Mrs
Ghrfield,s presence and help We're an in
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01

the crowded thoroughfares with all the
force Of sixty or ninety horsepower at
their command, going on the high as sixty
miles an hour, with the certainty OF making
an impression If they hit. This whisking
the heels Of pedestrians, running over peo-
pie or cutting out the muffler and soaring
them TO death. just like grown ups, is a
sport OF modern youth which the old fogies
rover knew. I suppose the old timers. the
boys in the powdered wig days, who rode
In sedan chairs were considered pretty
speedy. and the present boys. when they re
cid, will shake their heads at the reckless
lads who zip through the clouds. always
having an aero escape from knocking the
tops off the high towers.
Case OF joy riders and boy riders" sug-
Gested the Regular Fellow.
Boys will be boisterous." agreed the In
nocent Bystander.
Copyright 1911, by the n. Y. Herald Co..
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01
Mirth in Muddled Morse

Place a man trained only TO. receive. per-
feet Morse" IN the telegraph service today
and he soons finds himself as bewildered
as a Crow Indian trying 20 decipher Egyp-
tian hierogly phies. Especially would this
be. true were he assigned TO railroad wires
on which plug operators are amazingly
numerous.
Perfect Morse is possible only when strict
attention is given TO spacing and the
proper allotment OF dots or dashes that
form the different characters.
once upon a time, two ham operators
were talking over wire
Cne inquired OF the other:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01

, put on a boiled shirt and a stick-up col.
lar and go out and. believe me- in fifteen
minutes you feel like you had piece OF
pulp around your neck. That's humidity.
It's just run in on you like dark horse
You sit down In vanished chair. and
when you try to get up you find you have
to pull yourself loose like fly from fly
paper. Not that you are so warm. It's
only the humidity. Everything you touch
is like a stick OF fresh taffy. and the air
is so full OF wetness you could almost
wiring out your newspaper after you've
kept it outdoors for while. Hang up
your clothes at night and the next morn
ing you swear somebody has been throw
ing them into the tub That isn't any kind
lot climate to give the stranger within
your gates.
[" The only thing that doesn't stick to
you when old Hugh Nudity is aroundsis
money, and that's where you folks are
foxy. I'll bet il this humidity thing stuck
strangers money fast in their pockets
you'd, up and have an Injunction against
it inside OF five minutes.
However, in honor Of your genial at
mosphere I have. in the course of my
touring, invented a new cocktail. to be
called the Humidity Cocktail. Take three
parts, OF molasses to one of mucilage add
a dash Of fog paste and put collar OF
starch omit. lfnot sticky enough, add rum
and a iitte sugar
(cOpyright. 1911, by the N. Y. Herald Coz
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01
On the Wrong End

Senator Bailey, apropos OF undergraduates
day, told at dinner in Gainesville a story
OF the civil war. s-f
"Onee during this war" he said. Sem
stor wigfall. member Of the corfederats
congress from Texas, fell in with a party
OF union soldiers.
The senator, being well disguised. con-
versed freely with the unionists asking
them among other things what they'd do
with old " igfan il they caught him.
WED string him up the soldiers an
swered promptly.
Serve him right, too said Senator
Yigtar And by gum. II were there ia
~ ling on one end of the rope my.
self"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01
Nubs of knowledge

out of 76o samples Of milk examined in
London in three months, 1O6 were tuber-
culosis and the task of tracing this milk
necessitated the examination Of Sis cows
at LOO farms scattered over the adjacent
country.
Postal rates in China are, the cheapest in
the world.
Two hundred automatic machines for de-
liyering penny stamps are to be erected
in various parts Of London and certain
large provincial towns
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01
Name and Address.

and Addr school Year,
Roy Anderson 2616 Taylor Saratoga "1sOo
Helen Bailey. SsOS Clifton Hill
Frances Bloeme i72S South Eighteenth St. St. Joseph go!
cSe Beninsto ISI4 south St St Phuomepa
Marie Boeren, 2702 South Eighteenth St St Joseph 1901
Da
Irene Card
Lillian Christensen, 27lO South Tenth Bancroft sos
Florence Christensen 1925 Kansas Ave- Miller Park sos
Carine, 21OS Howard st. Mason 19o1
B. Criag, 407 Poppleon AVE. Train .lsO2
luna Sonn L4Zo n se ST. S Ns e tSSa
Thomas Freeman, 255s sahler St. Saratoga lso2,
Twentynnth St Farnam 1sss
Floyd R. Gates S12 Maple Howard
Fourteenth Conlenius 1905
Ruth 1arvs asaO Davenport High .....1Sse
Sarah Tsiop Saratoga ..lss
Frances Johnson High 1895
Edgar beaverton 1897
Waiter Lee 1910 North Tweutyurh ST.
1901 California Central
Frances Lynch
Mose South Twenynnth ST.. High ."lSss
Madison 1924 North TwenyfOprts St Long Iss
George Maiahed 1908 Pierce St. . Pa 1900
Martin 6lS North Twenyhrst keOm
Dorothy Mehring Lincoln
3414 North Twentyent Loop
Irene Twelfth Bancroft 1sob
Namesteh 14o Martha ST. Lincoln sss
wenson F. Pratt Park 1901
Palensky 1893 Pratt St Sacred Heart ssf
K3se St asos Mtn TS9ysS ST. Howard Kennedy
Hazel story Farnam 1sss
South Nineteenth ST. LeavenwOrh ...-1se6
Twentyft Saratoga rsss
Kelom 1so4
KelOm 1906
Aden schoessle CASTELAR,
Matte M shepard SSos Lisbon ave- Cen
Angelina
Harold Thomas 81 South Thirtyrd st High
Pacific 1Ss
Teal 1117 South Trtieth Ave- Park
Viola Taska, 1923 Dominion Edw Rosewaer = 1908
1892 South Fifteenth St. Comenus 1895
Clara Weiss 2s1 south Seventeenth ST. st. Joseph lsS
Roy Young sos South Twentysxh Ave High ':...1Ssa
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01
China is auckland

eaten it say it is far beyond anything they
get elsewhere In the way OF prepared howl
Many ducks are exported from China.
and it promises to be a growing industry.
The climate. as well as the care OF the
fowls, is said to produce the excellent
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01
For Footwear.

The prevailing feeling in footwear is for
the American shape, with its sensible
Cuban heel and rounded toes For outdoor
wear the French shoe is out OF favor.
though for evening and indoor use gen
orally. the honors are divided
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01

., If you drop dish cloth. some one is
( coming hungry.
Not drinking the whole. contents of cup
means disappointment
Rub cats back the wrong way. and II
you see sparks it, is a sign OF cold
weather.
whirling an empty chair indicates that
a whipping is in store for the transgres-
sOr.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01

spirationl to her husband. During the, two
months Of her husbands critical illness,
which cuininated in his death, sine was
his constant companion. -,
Seven children e0mposed the Garfield
family, t <-..t
COPYRIGHT. lsl1, by. the n. Y Herald Co.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01

DO you use a 'Milr?"
In Morse characters MI If properly
spaced becomes a "a" The letter ~ and
the numeral 90 are identical each being
represented by long dash
Turning TO the regular operator VINO was
listening. the cub said naively:
The student at Askaloosa wants 10 know
IL I use a TOO"
Typewriters have been known ever since
among telegraphers as ZOO
Take the word coal" We find 1t COM
posed Of letters easily misconstructed. By
emitting the space between the letters "a
and 4" wv" is produced.
Coal; C. o. a
Cow;
1t is not particularly surprising, there
fore, that a passenger train, whose con-
duetor was instructed to stop at the coal
chute backed into the stock-pens.
A negro janitor quit rather than examine
the contents of a car numbered 4ll44. The
car. which contained a shipment OF shocks.
was ordered diverted The telegram re-
lating 10 the CONSIGNMENT was sent by
ham" and was not clear The particular
ham in this case always put five dots In
his MS" which, il will be observed, is code
for p"
Small wonder then that the negro baked
when confronted with this message:
Please divert 10 Buffalo. n. Y. car 4lll4.
spooks. billed Buffalo. Wyo."-RailrOad
Mans Magazine.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-01
Current credulities

To dream Of a funeral is sign Of a
wedding.
II your lips itch, it is a sign some one
viii kiss you.
oid shoes we're often buried by negro
servants on Monday morning 70 keep the
Ievil down through the week
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17
A Slow 5Mn.

Talk about Philadelphia being a
slow town. said a real estate man
in New York. Il know one in New
Jersey that has it walloped to a con.
clusicn. You know there is money
sometimes in cemetery lots, so /
bought some acreage near this town
won't mention names-aEd laid out
just as nice cemetery as the most
fastidious could ask for. Prices for
lots were simply scandalous, they
were SO low. That was more than a
year ago, and, by JoVe! l haven't sold
lot since-not lot The people
there haven't got energy enough to
die, that's what's the matter! Unless
they begin to move in pretty soon I'm
going to turn it into cabbage patch"
You won't try to raise early cab
bages on 1t. will you?" inquired a soft.
voiced little man. who started off on
the jump to catch the last ferry west.
Judge.
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17
RossEAU ON AERoNAUTICs
Curious Little Treatise on Aerial Navl.
cation Written by French
Author Turns Up,

A curious little book has turned up
an old, old treatise on aeronautics
by Jean Jacques Rousseau called "Le
Nouveau Dedale." Like Leonardo da
Vinci and Cyrano de Bergerac, Rous.
seau was haunted by the dream OF
aerial navigation. We read: Men
walk on the earth, they sail ON the
water and swim In it, Is not the air
an element, like the others? What
business have the birds to shut us out
Of their premises. while we are made
welcome In those OF the fishes?" Rous.
seau took no stock In any theories pro-
pounded by the Darius Greens of his
day. He sifted the matter for himself,
and thought 1t involved two problems.
First. to find body lighter than air,
so that 1t would rise. He imagined
that sooner or later such body might
present itself. There was no telling.
But what stumped him was his second
problem-Eow to make that obliging
body stop rising, and how in creation
to make it come down. This was too
tough for Jean Jacques, and he wound
up his book by admitting it. For
long time lie Nouveau Dedale" re.
mained unpublished, appearing only
in 1901.
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17
KEEP 1T OUT or THE PAPER

Hardly a day passes that there
is not a request at the office of
any daily newspaper to Keep
it out Of the paper" A man
daily violates the law, knowing
that he is liable to arrest and
conviction, and that the court
records are public, and yet when
the arrest and conviction come
the plea is that it be kept out of
the paper" Usually he pleads
because of his wife and family,
forgetting them in his pursuit of
crime or wrongdoing, and it is
only when caught that he re-
members them.
Such men usually pay very
little attention to the newspapers
until they are hailed into court.
Nobody reads the newspapers"
they say, but when they want
the news of conviction kept out
of the newspapers. they seem to
care less that they have violated
the law than that the public
should learn of it. Such men
are not entitled to any considera-
ion at the hands of the newspa-
5ers, and and they they know thai the
appeal on behalf of their families
S the only one that will save
hem, and even that because of
If public good, is often denied
hem for publicity is the most
powerful weapon in the hands
If the law. Las Vegas Optic.
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17
GOVERNOR PLEASED

! Santa Fe, N. NJ, June 10. =
The enthusiastic response made
by the newspapers of New Mex
leo to the proclamation of Gov
ernor William J. Mills, setting
aside June 22nd as Post Card
Day, on which the people of
New Mexico will make a united
effort to advertise the Territory
has both surprised and delighted
the Governor.
/ see almost every newspa-
per published in New Mexico"
said the Governor today in dis
cussing the Post Card Day move
ment, and it is a source of
much qualification to me to no.
tice the universal commentator
the proclamation has received
from the pens of New Mexico's
editors.
From this indication ! have
no doubt but that the responce
on behalf Of the people will be
almost unanimous and New
Mexico will receive an immense
of advertising in conse-
quence of the proclamation is
sued and the publicity given it.
1--WE who are residents of New
Mexico realize the vast undevel-
oped resources which lie within
our borders, and we know also
that all that is needed to give
New Mexico a veritable boom is
to have those resources brought |
to the attention of the outside
world.
No doubt this will be done if
the response to the call made by
our people on June 22nd, is with
the same unanimity as manifest
I'd by the loyal newspapers Of
New Mexico.
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17
GAVE UP ALL SHE RECEIVED
Girl With Red Hat Turns Cold DiQ.
nifty on InquisItive Con-
ductor.

They were quite content with them.
selves, the six young women who
boarded north-bound Broadway car,
says contributor to Lippincott's Mag.
azine, and they evinced very little
concern for the dull routine and com.
monplace details of life. II was the
announced intention of all to transfer
to the Thirty-fourth street crosstown
line. and to this end the girl In the
red hat asked for and received six
transfers. But the other five changed
their minds before they reached the
transfer point. declaring themselves
in favor of shopping foray, so only
the girl with the red hat held to the
original plan and boarded the Thirty.
fourth street car When the conduc.
tor came for her fare, she handed him
the whole bunch of transferable
original six. The conductor looked at
her, on each side of her and all around
her. Apparently she was alone. Also
she was oblivious. Then he said:
Where are the others?" The girl
with the red hat looked up, startled
and confused for the instant. Then
she replied, with cold dignity: That,
sir, is all the transfer man gave me-"
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17
Society of the plus Shield.

A French contemporary advises tho
head OF the school for hotel keepers
recently established In Paris to study
the precepts laid dowa by Doctor
Auerbach of Frankfort. who presides
over the society known as the Enc.
mics of Noise. He has devoted spe.
cial attention to the unnecessary
noises heard in hotels and has is
sued a number of rules to be OBJ
served by hotel managers. Those
who comply with them are allowed
to display outside thu r establish.
ments the blue shield of the society.
Some OF the rules are by no means
easy to follow. notably one which for.
bids the admission "of noisy, Ill bred
or foul mouthed travellers, and those
afflicted with loud, squeaky or shrln
voices. Such travellers should be in.
scribed on a black list. and will thus
soon be excluded from fll hotels GER
titled by the society"
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17
SATURDAY, JUNE II

AT Las Cruces, N. M. two
farmers were fined five dollars
and costs for flooding the roads;
this kind of medicine should be
used in this valley and a dose of
$25 and costs should be admins
tered for the second offence, this
cure is guaranteed.
There is another nuisance,
complaints have been made that
leases have been made of land in
tracts of ten and twenty acres,
the leasee bringing with him all
the way from five to forty head
Of stock, which are turned loose
to fatten on the lanes and at the
expense of neighbors, as is well
known there is no fence that
will turn a "breechy" COW, and
in many instances attention has
been called to cate feeding in
the alfalfa fields and destroying
fruit and shade trees; especially
trees, as stock will run under a
tree to rub the flies off. About
q $25, dose of Las Cruces medi-
cine will probably be cure for
stock running on the lanes and
neighbors orchards and fields.
A man who carelessly floods the
road or runs stock loose to annoy
the neighbors is a poor addition
10 any neighborhood.
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17
DRY FARM CONFERENCE

Colorado Springs, June 6. =
Five famous agricultural edu-
Gators have signed a call for a
conference of all those engaged
at work in agricultural schools
and experiment stations, for the
purpose of discussing "dry-farm-
ing. Those making the call
are; Liberty H. Bailey, Direc-
tor of Agriculture at Cornell Uni
versity; DIR. j. H. Worst, Presi-
dent of North Dakota Agricul-
tural College; DR.. Chas. A. Lory,
President of Colorado Agricul-
tural College; DR.. John A.
Widtsoe. President of Utah Ag-
ricultural College; and Hon. Dun
can Marshall, Minister of Agri-
culture for Alberta, Canada.
The conference is called for Oc-
tober 16 to 10 in this city at the
time of the meeting of the inter-
national Dry Farming Congress
and Exposition to be held here.
Leading agricultural scientists
will be gathered here at the time
'or the Congress and the great
Exposition of dry-farmed pro-
lucts will afford opportunity for
'tudy and comparative work.
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17
Passion of Amhltion

Ambition, that high and glorious
passion, which makes such havoc
among the sons of men, arises from
proud desire of honor and distinc.
ton. and, when the splendid trappings
in which 1t is usually caparisoned are
removed, will be found to consist OF
the mean materials of envy. pride and
covetousness. 1t is described by diff
ferent authors as gallant madness.
pleasant poison, hidden plague,
secret poison, eaustic of the soul.
the moth of holiness. the mother of
hypocrisy, AMI by crucifylng and dis.
quieting all 1t takes hold of, the cause
Of melancholy and madness.-Ricb.
ard Burton.
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17

Every man, woman and child
should spend at least five cents
pm June 22nd, and send postal
to friends in other states. adver-
ing and boosting New Mexico.
Citizens of the new state can do
a great deal Of good by denying
themselves some little pleasure
on the 22nd and using the money
for advertising postals.
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17

We have heard several discus
sions as to how to celebrate the
4th and it seems, every man has
a different idea. 1t would be
pleasant to please everybody,
but how can we; unless we re-
yive the corp" of Coney island
and place it at TT. Sumner.
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17

Scientists are still photograph
ing Halley's comet. If the
comet is responsive be For all that
is attributed to it its photo should
be in a rogues' gallery.
The Fort Sumner review., 1911-06-17
A Fine Example.

1--WE hear a great deal of talk about
the value Of optimism. Have you ever
known a real bred-in-the-bone optim.
ist?"
Eyes. met one this morning. lie
hopes to save enough cigar bands be-
fore Christmas to buy his wife pres.
ent"