davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
''BeZ-o-o-o-wt"

"BeZ-o-o-o-wf'
| "G-r-r-r-r-r-r''
| 'Be-e-e-eZ-z-z-z"
Wandering into police headquarters
some night-almost any night will do
the casual visitor hears these noises
from the first door on his right as he
| turns the hallway. He pauses moment.
From behind the heavy oaken door comes
the sound OF a man in anguish-a choking
sobbing sound that ends with the aria
from Aida" in a bitter, snarling so
prano. Then comes solid grunt, grunt,
grunt.
The sounds begin almost any time after
midnight. They continue through the
dark. desolate hours until sunlight comes
again.
Each night two detectives are sta
toned in the District Building for use In
emergency cases. OF course, If anything
happens Lieut.. James Hartley has at his
telephones end half dozen other sleuths
who are at their homes. But the chosen
two must remain on duty for a certain
number of nights each month. The shift
| is constant. One night Detectives Ber-
man and Barbee will hold the fort; then
will come Cornwell, Springman, Cox, and
even old war horse Weldon, the dean OF
the corps and reputed to be the wisest
Of all.
They all snore.
Psychology Glass at Work.
The student in the science OF sleep can
gain deep insight into the psychology OF
slumber by spending one night in the
room next to their official bedchamber.
The individual and distinct methods OF
the sleuths, their various peculiar traits
of character, are as nothing compared
with their different style of snore.
There is Jake Berman. Jake, during
the waking hours is an uncommunicative
sort Of man. His ambitions are crushed
, beneath his modesty, and large quantities
of food But when the Goddess Nor
pheus gets a combination toe-hold and
hammerlock on Jacobs mental faculties,
he becomes the dashing hero of fiction
He catches a murderer every fifteen min
utes-when he is asleep.
Stealing by his boudoir door you hear
Jake saying something like this:
"Sque-ve-ve-e-e-e-e-e DIX"
For a moment quiet ensues. Then he
| resumes.
Il got um, got um, sque-ve-ve-e-e-e-e
DIX"
Nobody ever dares to wake Jake up
either. And all through the night he
continues to give forth the music of a
contented hippopotamus. while chasing
his imaginary burglars through infinite
space.
Then there is Baur, who weighs go
pounds. Looking at Baur's front eleva-
ton no one would ever suspect him of
| being an ambitious 10G-yard runner. But
/ he fS-in his sleep. No sooner does
Baur doze of than he begins practicing
his sprints. Regularly every eight sec
Onds-the time 1t takes him to run 100
yards-he jumps as he hears the starters
pistol. Efforts have been made to bring
Baur and Berman on the same watch
Baur snores in basso; Berman in high
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
CULLED FROM THE MAIL BAG
OF THE OVERWORKED EDITOR

the idea. Yet it seemed to mean some
thing.
THE vote to be taken while the man
is having his hair cut!' ...
These words rang out of the stiffness
of the letter, gripping in their intensity
of feeling, and elusive in their strange
subtlety.
The editor read again.
while having his hair cut"
Was Il an appeal for the barber shop
vote? Was IL an attack upon the So
cialists and James Eads How? No:
that didn't seem to work out, for the
idea explained that "it''-meaning either
the hair cut or the vote, or both-was to
be free Of cost.
The editor gave up. He stated that
there seemed to be an idea. The ques-
ton was, what Is the idea?
Is II symbolic? Or is 1t plain dam
phoolishness?
Five million dollars awaits the first per-
son, excepting Jacket who win drop in
and ekplatN
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
Character Study of Police
as SLun1ber EnfOIdS Them
Good Work Done by BurHngame, Jake Bermau,
and Other Shining Lights, After They
Enter Land of Nod.

tenor. But the happy combination has
not yet been arranged.
Vision of a "WhIte Hope"
OF them all BurlIngame Is the star.
His dreams create the vision OF bright
white hope" And he grunts and bangs
the pillows and occasionally roars as his
imaginary adversary lands on his mid
rifr.
Not less interesting than the nocturnal
dreams OF washington's sleuths is the
garb they wear during the long night
watch. Berman clings to nightsfirts; !.
pink in winter and white in summer.
They say that when Lieut.. Charley
Peck was stationed in police headquar-
ters he used to terrify the INITIATED by
making sudden nocturnal appearances in
n suit OF red, white, and blue pajamas.
Howbeit. the paJamas are still there.
Cornwell wears them now, and wears
them we'll.
The sIeuths are sensitive souls. too.
When they are staging their nightly
slumber song they bitterly protest
against any outside competition. Next
to their room is the one used by the
newspaper reporters, and Of occasion
some well-intentioned but fnebriated
young man will wander in and start to
sing. Instantly the nightshirted brigade
VIII arse, HSduSu DS 11ouI. 3dEllSyS o~NN
descend upon the victim.
The saddest blow of all Is when a
visitor, opening the wrong door by mis-
take, arouses the sleeping lions. 1t is
natural. unless you know better. to turn
the handle of the first door you see. II
you do this two-sometimes three-frowsy
heads will rear like angry serpents and
heavy voices will hoarsely demand:
"WazZe hellzs mazzer%'
a holt II, Gl
They regard the chamber in the District
Building as the most sacred Of municipal
institutions. And they will continue to
snore until such time as a vicious sys-
TEN Of things invades human rights and
prohibits the making Of unseenly noises.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

In every thousand of population
there are a few individuals who have
a greater ability than the rest of the
people.
These formed into a committee
having the free vote OF all the peo-
pie Will constitute the greatest pos
sible social power. 80.
The vote to be taken while the man
is having his hair cut in the barber
shop. This business relation makes
II continuous and free of cost.
Jacket SoMERvILLE
The editor was wading through hi
daily mail not long ago when from Z
large, oficial-looking envelope, thi
dropped out For a mo
ment the editor paused, stunned by tbs
dea. Then he picked it up and read 4
through.
There was no clew save the nam,
'Tacket Somerville,' which trailsd alta
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
MEASURING TINE IS HARD.
IF YOU DO NOT THINK so,
FIND THE RIGHT ANSWEF

Here's a bit we picked up in F street
yesterday. 1t only goes to show what the
average man is willing to place bets on.
Two bright youths started a discussion
OF time which eventually wound up with
an argument as to the meaning Of Il m.
1T means midnight" said the first
TT means noon." replied the second.
How can NJ stand for N?' demanded
the first.
We'll. you measure time beginning at
noon," replied the second.
Not at ALL" responded the first; the
day begins at midnight"
They put up IS. And you can take your
pick as to the winner.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
Something to Hold Him To.

Prom Puck.
always be the same as you are now"
he whispered to her tenderly, land II
is all 1 ask, my dearest one"
"And IL 1 am, you will always love
me?" she said, quietly.
Yes" he answered her, always"
She looked beyond him-into space.
Only she knew that ere long she would
be quite different, for she was growing
Stout
Then she smiled into his face. And
the more you see of me, the greater
will be your love, will 1t not?' she ask
ed.
Yes" he answered, II swear it!' And
thus she was comforted.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

enedr the whole picture.
Senator" I said, I'VE have received
q telegram from Houston"
Thus fer did 1 get and no further.
With an intuition paralyzing in Its
hghtning-hke suddenness the Senator
pounced upon the source OF informa-
tion and shook 1t between his teeth as
a terrier shakes a rat
The Houston Chronicle sent you here, I"
he thundered.
For a moment there was silence while
furtively watched the window, meanwhile
seeking to recall the attitude of early
Christian martyrs when a Romish police
court judge ordered them to be fed to
lions.
OF a sudden the Senator's tone changed
from denunciation to appeal.
why In Hades did that paper have the
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
IMPRESSIONISTIC INTERVIEW WITH BAILEY:
ANECDOTES AND INCIDENTS IN LIFE OF CITY

sat hunched in his pew while the mis-
sionary gIowingly described the work
abroad. Finally, when the service came
to an end, the rector announced that the
offering would be turned over to this
missionary.
When the vestryman reached the anti
mission churchman, he poked the plate
at him. The churchman turned his
back:
mo he grunted; I don't believe in
missions"
The vestryman showed the plate at
him again.
That's all right, George no said;
take some. It's for the heather, you
know"
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
By JAMES FRANK LYMAN.

THERE are few men more gen
orally interviewed than Sena-
- tor Joseph W. Bailey, the sill
ver-tongued orator from Texas, and
there are few men who have talked
more thoroughly and completely on all
known and unknown subjects than this
self-same Senator Bailey. l modestly
claim, however, to be the only man who
has ever interviewed Senator Bailey in
his nightshirt, and, fur lermore, 1 am
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
CRIMINAL AS CORPSE.
Laid in Open CORn in Church to
Attack a Priest.


Special Cable TO The Washington Herald.
st. Petersburg. Nov. 11-How a GRIM
inal took the place Of a corpse and lay
a an open coffin in order to attack
priest is told in a story that comes from
Niechtovo. In the village church a priest
and choir boy were spending the night
watching over the body of a man lying
in an open coffin. In the middle of the
night the choir boy ran shrieking from
the church and alarmed the peasants,
telling an extraordinary story of how the
body in the coffin had risen, attacked the
priest and knocked him down.
The grewsome news caused panic among
the villagers, but later It was explained
that a criminal nursing a grudge against
the priest, had entered the church earlier
in the evening, removed the body and
hidden II. and taken its place in the
coffin. Then when the opportunity pre-
sented itself, he revenged himself upon
the cleric.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
Strenuous.
Ercm Rnch.

trom PUCK.
YisItor--So your aunt who went to live
in New York died from excessive exer-
else?
Uncle Eben-Yep. She thought she
had to run across the room to the win
dow every time anybody went By.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

'In our family we never marry, for
generation after generation the sacred
legend has been handed down; we re-
main bachelors "-Horkoy (Charles
Cherry in "The Seven Sisters" at the
Columbia last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
A succesafuI suit.

$50 you were successful in your ef-
forts to break your uncle's will in which
he left you only $20O00?''
YYes; I won out easily"
And how much did you finally get?'
After paying the lawyers took dewn
8, s,5oO.u-DetroIt- Free Press.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
Sent to Interview Him.


1t happened one night not long ago,
when the antt-Bailey paper of Houston,
Tex, sent US a telegram at 1890 p. m.
announcing that Senator Bailey had re-
signed. The managing editor called me
to his side and spoke as follows:
Now. above all things, be determined.
Insist on seeing the Senator. He will talk
If you can get TO him. Don't be bluffed
of"
The managing editor added that Senator
Bailey, when reused from sound sleep
he is a consistently early retirer-might
be annoyed. For foresight and perspi-
cacity I will admit that the managing
editor is a wonder. Senator Bailey was
annoyed and Senator Bailey did talk.
1 reached the classic Connecticut avenue
residence at about II o'clock and sat on
the electric bell until the Senator'S butler
hurried downstairs Then l slid inside
and was buttled into a side room while
the butler drifted upstairs. I heard a
muffied conversation, and finally the
negro wandered down with the announce
ment that the Senator would see me.
Like Appius CIaudIus.
For moment I braced myself for a
shock The window. ! saw, was par
TALLY open, and if worst came to worst
could
Then down the wide oaken staircase
glided the most beautiful and inspiring
apparition have ever seen. You have
doubtless seen portraits Of those fine
old Roman senators; the well-fed type,
who wore togas of white and sandals.
Imagine Cicero, Augustus Caesar, Ap-
plus Claudius all rolled into one, with
q dash OF Brutus thrown in, and you
will get faint idea of the impressive
ness OF the Senator in a virgin white
nightshirt.
That lock of hair that has waved in
the forefront Of every debate hung
over one eye. The clear complexion,
flushed from sleep. the piercing eye,
and the fine, round girth, coyly dis
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

What do you do for a living?"
I'm a pickpocket, sisters shoplifter,
brothers burglar. and father works in
the city hall"-Joe Keno and Rosie
Green at Chase's last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
Texan, with Ensemble of Roman Senator,
Talks Like a Turk to Innocent Reporter.
Jokes Picked Up at Local TheaterS.

impudence to send you here?" he asked
! platRtively. Though his tone was soft, ii
va bminous. He looked me over in a
way that made me nervous.
Il hate that paper" continued the Sen
ator, stamping one bare foot and Haunting
! his lock of hair like a shaggy and we'll
baited bull, "and I will say that if any
man from that paper or any editor called
at my house I'd have him thrown out.
OF all the dingbIasted impudence, this IS
the worst"
Hastily I began to explain that
| was not connected with the Houston pa
per, wouldn't be under any circum-
stances and felt sure that any paper that
| libeled Senator Bailey should be taken
out and drowned. Meanwhile 1 edged to-
ward the window.
Il don't blame you" said the Senator.
| suddenly. Il can say that know 1t isn't
your fault You've been misled."
This cheered me up. 1 decided that II
| the Senator believed I was misIed I
might not need the window after all.
DO you mean 1 have been misled re-
garding your informatiOn?" I asked.
on went the Senator.
Some Newly Coined Words.
Il do not" he beloved: II want you
to understand I won't tell that blatzo-
ghled dugkirhcnku uremphuigns publica-
ton that sent the telegram a single
| thing. 1 wouldn't give them the salts
faction. You go tell the editor that Sen
ator Bailey told him to go to Gehenna." I"
We were getting mixed again.
THE great public wants to know" I
stammered.
Darn the great public" replied the
Senator; the great public doesn't figure
in this at all. This is a matter between
that Houston newspaper and myself.
Then came some explaining. We
didn't know that the Houston paper had
offended the Senator. Couldn't he let the
news get out Of Washington and keep it
from Texas? He understoOd-of course
he did.
The Senator was actually getting mild
again. Then. ike a vision, that Hous-
ton newspaper flashed before his mind.
1t was like a red rag or a La Toilette
speech. He burSt forth into a flight Of
oratory. He wrote all over the burning
stars Of cobalt heaven, slanted the jaw
elm at the murderous assassins OF a
mans good name, and finally concluded
by demanding why the editor of the
Houston paper hadn't come personally so
he could have been thrown out.
Interview Nears End.
No wonder they call him silver tongued.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

Waiter, get me some tea"
Green or black, SIR"
1T makes no difference, | am color
blind. Lew Kelly in Ben 'Welch's
Burlesquers" at the Gayety last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

Look, you've scratched me-"
'Yes, and don't you dare to run"
mo chance; I'm scratched"
Welch at Chase's last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

Hard luck! If l should bet my last
dollar that the sun would go down, it
swould be sure to get stuck in the trees"
Lou Hascall in Ben Welch's Burles-
quers" at the Gayety last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

"Oh, I'm, going to have a ft!"
Wait. I'll call doctor"
mo, no; the dressm1ker Rosie
Green at Chase's last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

81 got good heart. l always try to
do everybody good" Ben Welch in his
own "Burlesquers" at the Gayety last
week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

when you are married you will sit
down and hold your hands, and wait for
death as the next excitement in your
life"-Mici Jean Murdock) in, The
Seven Sisters" at the Columbia last
week. r
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
This is an educated dog

This is an educated dog"
Il have dog home and l cannot
teach him thing"
We'll, you can never train dog un-
less you know more than the dog
Lew Kelly in Ben Welch's Burles-
quers" at the Gayety last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

gentle slide as It bumped into me. We
reached the door and the Senator
opened ii.
Think of the impudence OF that
paper" he began as walked out. AS !
reached the steps I took a single back
ward glance. There was the vision of
the Roman senator, the nightshirt tightly
wound around it and the lock Of hair
tossing frenziedly.
81 wouldn't tell that paper anything"
he added, and closed the S1or.
I don't know yet why the Senator re-
signed. But I do know that when he
puts on a nightshirt he certainly is a
grand piece of work.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

one of the few to whom he has un-
bosomed himself with that charming
frankness that none but he has ever
fully mastered.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

To-day is my birthday"
Which would you rather have, a kiss
or a book"
well, l can't read."-Joe Welch at
Chase's last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

"A man that tells his wife every
thing don't know much. Lew Kelly
(Prof. Dope) in Ben Welch's Burles-
quers" at the Gayety last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

Have you heard the latest railroad
ballad?"
Lets have it"
"'Choose Your Partners for the Tun-
nel."-Joe Welch at Chase's last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

Tom-Can he sing nicely?
Dick-Well. he offered TO sing the baby
to sleep the other night, and his wife
said, No; let her keep on crying
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12
Interview Nears End.

No wonder they call him silver tongued.
All the time he spoke he guided me
steadily. unerringly toward the front
door. Once I paused, and the mighty
Senator's nightshirted form gave me a
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

servant-There,s no coal, ma'am. an
the fire is goin- out.
Mistress--why. Nora, you should have
told me that before.
servant-I couldn't tell you there was
No coal when there was coall
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

Down the wide oaken staircase glided
a most beautiful and inspiring appari-
ton.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

voted three for Columbus and three for
Moses.
THE teacher began to despair. The
alarming uncertainty Of the class con-
cerning Moses led to a suspicion that
they had not read as they had been told
to read.
Didn't you boys notice the marginal
notes on the pages of your Bible?" she
asked at last Didn't you see the fig
ures 1000 B. C. and others like them?
For an instant the class was stunned.
Then one bright youth replied;
Sure teacher, we saw them, but
we thought they was Moses telephone
number"
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

"What makes my razor so dull, any,
how?"
81 don't know; it was all right yes
terday when I opened the sardines. So
Lou Hascall in Ben Welch's Bur-les-
quers" at the Gayety last week.
The Washington herald., 1911-11-12

tenor. But the happy combination has
not vet baen arran1ad
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
Fifty New Postal Banks
To Start This Month

According to a statement issued by
Postmaster General Hitchcock today,
the applications from depositors to pur-
chase postal savings bonds on July 1
amounted to $4,000 More than $4,000
worth were applied for in registered
form.
Fifty new postal savings banks were
announced today. They will receive de-
posits on July 20 and will locate in the
following places: Hope. Ark; Ocean
park. Redlands, Santa Paula and IJkiah,
Calf; Derby, Conn: Dundee, Fairbury,
Lemont, and Oregon. ILL.,: New Castle,
Union City and Washington, Ind.
Cherokee and Ida Grove. Iowa; Fulton,
KY; Ruston, La; Hallowell, Me-: Cam
bridge, Md; Bridgewater and Great
Darlington, Mass; Allegan, Mich.
Alexandria and Vadena, MINI; Rolla,
Mo-: Central City. Neb.: Lebanon, N.
H.; Vineland, N. j.: Washington. N.
c.; Ada, Belle fontaine, and Nelson
Vile. Ohio: Ponca, Okla: Ambridge,
Rryn Mawr and Susquehanna, Pa
Camden, 8. c.: Sturgis, S. D.: Corsi-
cana and Yoakum, Tex; Middlebury,
VT: Fortress Monroe. Hampton and
Hot Springs. Va; Bluefleld and Will
hanson, w. Va; Edgerton. Fort At
kinson. New Richmond and Two Rivers,
Wis
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
Bonds in Demand
On Local Market

Business in bonds was brisk on the
local exchange, due perhaps to the re-
cent distribution of profits in the way
of July dividends. Washington Gas 5s
went on record to the tune of 1900, face
value, at 1O97s and 40. Potomac Con-
solidated SIS sold $4,000 at fractions
above 1O1. and before the call for bonds
was over Capital Traction SIS and City
and Suburban SIS were taken over IN
smaller amounts.
Stock transactions were not large,
though a number of sales were made at
current prices. Railroad shares included
fractional lots OF Capital Traction and
Railway preferred, the former selling
at 1851 and 127, and the latter at S.. A
few shares Of Washington and Virginia
Railway common later brought Is. Mer-
genthaler and Lanston both recorded
sales. A few shares Of Riggs National
Bank sold at $50, and thirty-flve shares
of United States Trust sold at fractions
above 122.
The local market today was very firm
and active, as compared with the dull
ness and weakness Of the New York
market
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
Todak's Sales on
n. The Local Exchange

Washington Gas SIS, $1,000Q110, 81, OOOQ
no, Sl,O00q11O, $1,OOOq10eB, $LCOOG1GB,
$200041o9B.
1913, S3.OOOQ1O115. $1.0OOQ1Olk, $,0co91O11A,
S. 00091011k.
Capital fraction, 10G126A. 19127.
Washington Railway and Electric,
preferred, 30GS9.
Mergenthalsr, 10d224%.
Lanston, 2S@943s, 5695.
Virginia Railway Com
pany, 2544014, 2544.
Riggs National Bank, $3.50, 1850
United States Trust, 5Q1221h 10@122x,
10Q12211. 10a1221z.
After call:
Capital Traction IS, $1,000@112%.
City and Suburban SIS, 81. 0OOd1031s