davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07
HUNOR OF TIE DAY

thrifty man to his extravaganI wife,
should that, worry your" she. retorted-
Because have to raise the wind; that's
why."-Catholic Times.
The fool said one day In the kings
presence, Il am the kingi" And the king
laughed, for he knew that his fool was
and exclaimed; Il am a fooll" And the
was was right.@The smart Set. ''''' MS KING
DO you think I1inl; a secret ballot promotes
does" replied the painfully practical poll
tician. THE, secrecy of it tempts too
many men whom you have paid to vote
Washington Star.
Ltigant-Your fee is outrageous. Why,
it's more than three-fourths of what / re,
and the legal learning for your case. i.iti-
Oh, anybody can fall down a coal hole
Boston Transcript
What we want, said the citizen. lis
ator Sorghum; but there is ALWAYS boIlnd
to be more or less alteration about who
Star. wa
do you believe In making genuflec-
Mrs oidcasfle. Mercy. nolP Pe Tenl,s dsk be1
hostess, as she flecked a bit of dust from
the 5000 grand piano, eff 1 have eenu-
Elections to make about people, I ALWAYS
do it outside Of church" Chicago Record
Herald.
First C1erk-Isn't it fine the wav the
shoppers are coming in? 1 never knew
them to do much buying so early. Sec
exception What is that?' ITS Mrs
Jimpson. She did her buying so awfuliy
early tnat she's already. commenced ex-
er.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

citation that calls for Thursday any
more than another day. Indeed, the
Puritan settlers put in whole week
in the earliest Thanksgiving celebra-
tions. A Thursday holiday makes an
inconvenient interruption in the
weeks work. Hence the wisdom when
instituting our latest national holiday
Labor day-of placing it upon Mon
day. The change from THURSDAY TO
Monday would be particularly desir-
able, since the day is quite as much an
occasion for family reunions as for
worship and Thanksgiving. Monday be-
ing set apart, it would, in connection
with Sunday and the Saturday haH
holiday, permit scattered members OF
the family to get together as now they
are often unable to do.-Lesiie's.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07
THE THREE CHERRY TREES.

There were three cherry trees once
Grew in a garden all shady,
and there for delight
Of SO gladstone a sight
walked a most beautiful lady
Dreamed most beautiful lady.
Birds in its branches did sing.
Blackblrd and throstle and linnet;
But she walking there
Was by far the most fair,
Lovelier than all else Within it,
Biackbird and throstle and linnet-
But blossoms to berries do come,
All hanging on stalks light and tender;
And one long summers day
Charmed that day away,
With vows sweet and merry and tender
A lover with voice low and tender.
Moss and nchen those green branches
deck.
Weeds nod in its paths green and shady
Yet light footstep seems
Still to haunt there in dreams
The ghost of that beautiful lady,
That happy and beautiful lady.
Saturday Review.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07
sFire Alarm Fritz

Although many persons have trained
their memories along certain specific
lines, there are few, if. indeed. more
than one, who have considered it worth
while to commit to memory the num-
bers and the location of fire alarm
boxes in their respective towns or
cities. There is, however. such a per-
son in this city. known as Fire Alarm
Fritz" who lives near the Twen-
ty-third district police station. For
many years Fire Alarm Fritz
has made it his speciality to
memorize the numbers and the loca-
lions of the various alarm boxes-some
4,000-and whenever he hears an
alarm of fire he can tell offhand just
where it was turned in. Sc accurate
is his knowledge that he has never
been known to make q mistake in this
connection. On one occasion Sergeant
Ferrand of the Twenty-third district
asked Fritz to give the location of a
certain box newly installed in Mana
yunk. Having been told of the num-
Der, Fritz said: "Oh, yes, that's the
new box at the corner where the Mid
vale avenue cars turn in He was
right. Fritz not only knows the name
and number of every box. but he also
knows the character of the neighbor-
hood in which each is located. He
makes it point to go there and find
out. Furthermore, he keeps in touch
with the electrical bureau, which noti-
f1eS him whenever a new box is in
stalled.-Philadelph Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07
GLOBE SIGHTS.
From the Atchigon Globe.]


Some girls are pretty only when they
forget and act natural.
About the only time some men get
out of rut is when they get drunk.
The average investigation finds out
so little that we wonder that anyone
breads it.
1t never does any good for town peo-
pie to advise country people to build
better roads.
1t is said of nearly every man who
drinks that he would be a wonder if
he had let liq,or alone.
Everybody we know of excepting
Will Boiler, who is deaf and dumb.
talks too much occasionally.
Somehow we are not hearing much
lately from the people who claim they
take a cold bath every morning.
The great trouble with whiskers is
that so few men can wear them sue
cessfully on top Of their heads.
A woman may sometimes love man
who blacks her eyes, but she can never
respect him as she should.
The fact that all men who do things
have enemies need not be taken as an
indication that an enemy is an asset
Speaking of the servant girl prob
lem, we contend that a man who can't
keep a cook by marrying her, should
board.
may possibly have met the man who
isn't sure the man who disagrees with
| him is wrong.
You may have observed that the
aeroplane that is guaranteed not &c
| fall, avoids such a misfortune by no.
going up in the air.
Any man hates to acknowledge cold
| feet, although there are times whcr
| they are an asset in keeping him out
| Of trouble.
| Although there is never any scarcity
| of candidates. listen closely and you
can always hear that public officials
| are underpaid-
There goes a man with a nicrobt
| farm" said a brakeman the other day
| The man to whom the brakeman re.
| ferred wore long whiskers.
| A love affair can end two ways: Ir
one the letters and pictures are burned
In the other the letters and pictures
are forgotten.
An Atchisen man is going down hill
so fast that his up-to-date friends who
| can't stop him, now refer to his descent
as the Spiral Glide.
| 1t is said Of an Atchison man thai
| he is energetic and industrious, bu
he neglects his business: spends TOT
! much time doing his wife's housework
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

" IS.
A familiar Interpretation of these
words of wisdom is look before you
leap" 1t is an admonition that is
ever being given to people, especially
the young. But it is good for young
and old alike If it were not a great
and forceful truth. it would long have
been consigned to a morgue of some
sort. But it is one of the truths, given
voice to by Solomon, that will live as
long as the human race endures. It's
constant repetition, although it may
become tiresome, cannot fail to accom-
plish good, and particularly if atten-
ton is paid to it.
Much of the unhappiness that is
prevalent in this world where mani
fold blessings abound, is due to ILL
considered steps that are taken, to
hasty and ill-advised judgments that
are formed. When matters of moment,
or even trivial affairs. come up for
determination it will be of the utmost
and satisfying value in the long run
if they are considered as to their most
minute "details before a decision is
made concerning them. This would
seemingly be simple lesson 1t is
one that has an appealing force kich
is self-evident, and a lesson that it
should be easy to learn. That it is too
frequently disregarded is plainly ap-
parent on all sides.
The American people are Justly not
ed for their alertness and their &C
tivity. This. in measure, may ex-
plain why SO many of them are con-
tinually getting into trouble because
they decide things of great and even
little moment to themselves in a hasty
and haphazard fashion. They have de-
veloped this habit to a degree more
marked than have any other people.
And the results are anything but de-
sirahle in many instances, especially
to themselves.
Sober. sane and painstaking thought
is needed before any question is final
ly determined. In the decision of such
questions, the everyday ones that are
coming up, involving as they do all the
affairs which make life worth living,
care should be taken that the persons
making them are established in all
ways to follow the steps decided upon
to their ultimate and successful con-
clusion. If this were done in the de-
termination OF all OF the questions
which confront person during the
course of his or her life. there would
be much less misery of all sorts in
the world. Prompt decisions and judg-
ments are often needed in the ext
gencies of the business world and in
all walks of life. For the most part
though, the questions which will make
or mar happiness and contentment-
and but for the existence of which the
world would be sorry place in which
to live-need not be passed upon I'M
til all of the conditions surrounding
them can be canvassed and looked
into. If this be done. the chances are
great that the decisions reached will
be the best ones for all concerned and
will prove to be of unreasonable
ValUe
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Many delightful friendships are
brought to an end by marriage.
n
In the long run. it is better to fess
up than it is to make excuses.
\ ~ y
An alarming report: The hoopskirt
is said to DE booked for a return en-
gagement.
If more people said what they
thought, not so many of them would
have regulations for being smart
y X
Should the present cost of living con-
tinue, there won't be much danger OF
anybody, who may now be starting
on Ifes way, becoming millionaire
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

bare greeting dropped the slipper into
the lap of his hostess.
''There." he exclaimed sheepishly.
81 hope you're satisfied
Mrs. fairfield examined it ex-
citedly.
Whose is it?" she demanded.
I-don't-know.'' mumbled Fen
shaw.
She beamed upon him 1t was bet
ter than she had expected.
'Tell me-alli" she commanded.
He told her. 1--WE been wondering
ever since just why I did it, he end
ed. except, perhaps-it is hand
some slipper"
Mrs: fairfield did not contradict
him. "The number is 81. you say? That
is the Winleys' house. Hair matches
the slipper" she broke off irrele-
vanity.
Fenshaw nodded. "You know her."
he cried.
of course" lied Mrs. fairfield,
with the mental reservation, "by
sight" to ease her conscience. And
you merely wish to return this"
Fenshaw looked up sharply. "Of
counsel You see, it was really and I'M
pardonable thing to do. I felt that
she knew I had it, and I should have
given it back then and there, but
but I didn't"
"Hm!' said Mrs. fairfield. She
was thinking very hard. Suppose
you drop IN TO dinner TUESDAY NEXT
There was a yelled promise in her
tone.
"Angel." murmured Fenshaw as
he left the house.
At the same moment 1.-THE angel
was in frantic communication over the
telephone.
Tuesday arrived at last. Fenshaw
arrived most improperly early. 1t
was a good symptom, and Mrs. Hart
fields greeting was none the less
cordial, She met his expectant gaze
with a glib explanation.
you see, Ethel-Mrs- Trowden-
rang me up just after YOU left. Shed
quite set her heart on a dinner and
a little bridge after; so when I told
her 1 couldn't come she insisted on
my bringing you along. It's all right"
She laughed as his expression fell
"She has asked Miss Whitley
They left the house. Fenshaw's
eyes were strangely alight and his
| jaw sQuarely set as they drove away,
He was going to defeat or conquest
at least to battle. For sentim lent S
sake, the slipper rested in his
pocket, but his heart was already
leaping far beyond.
| AS for Mrs. fairfield she kept heI
face buried in the cool fragrance OF
her violets-Fenshaw' tacit confes-
sion of endence-feverishly pray
| ing all the way over he might not
find out too soon that if it had not
been for Mrs Trowden she never
could have introduced him to his
lady of the slipper"-(Copyrigh
| 1911 by Associated Literary Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07
FIGHTING DUST.

The good housewife, in her constant
warfare against dust, has been wiser,
perhaps, than she knew. She carried
the dustcloth as the sign of her rule,
and was proud Of it, without knowing
that at the same time she was protect
ing her household against disease. 1t
was much with dust as with the house
fly. The housewife waged the war TO
the death long before the scientists told
how much of menace there was either
in the housefiy or the dust. DR.. Luther
Quick, director of the department or
child hygiene of the Sage Foundation,
speaks very much in the public interest
when he asks the New York board or
education to provide for the more thor
ough cleaning of the public school build
ings of that city. He says: There are
SO cities in America that are fighting
tuberculosis and colds by eliminating
dust from the classroOmS by means or
the vacuum cleaning system. New York
is not one of the SO. There are thou
sands of classrooms in New York city
in which a cloud of dust arises from
the cracks of the floors every time the
children do a rapid march" 1t is not
in New York city alone that there is
dust in the cracks of the floors in the
schoolrooms. A generation ago the fact
would not have excited comment. But
it is different now. We are beginning
to understand what dust means as a
vehicle for the germs of tuberculosis
and as a provocative of what is COM
monty called a Cold.-MancheSter Union
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07
LIMERICKS.
Last Batch.

We will begin by pausing mo-
ment. 80.
........... until the wild applause
over the above announcement sub
sides. and then toss this contribution
into the hopper:
On his way. in a storm, to Menoken
youth got terrible soken;
He thought it a shame
To thus meet his flame,
So he came back. and now she's
croken. W. L. H
And, taking a big risk of crossing
bats with the garbage inspector, We
venture to dump this one:
There was gazabe in New York
Who wouldn't eat pudding or pork,
But he dotted on hash,
Lima beans and bran mash,
And for breakfast he ate shredded
cork.
This next and last one we have
had on hand since Christmas, bu.
saved it to the last because we de-
sired time to get away:
A thief tried to burgle Miss Swizzle,
But his job was bunglesome f1zzle;
When he opened her trunk
Just to cop out some junk
She threatened to cloud up and drizzle.
And, comma. thanking you one and
all for your indulgence. we take pleas
ure in closing the worst series of nom
sense in this an unusually foolish
season.
Some one should put some of our
old citizens contiguous to the fact that
it is not necessary to wear three-foot
| whiskers to look venerable.
Wou7ap no-4 middle c,1fn0
youth of Is for a slice of his property
| on the grounds that she was his com
mon law wife," claims that she got
her idea of common law marriages
from Christian Science. Far be it from
us to waste any time defending Chris
| tan Science, but We are offering large
| odds that nothing in the teachings of
Christian Science could be construed
as an extenuation for the form of dis
orderly conduct upon which this old
| lady bases her claim to bundle of
| the kids .kale.
1t is reported that there is a serious
shortage in the canned salmon crop,
but we will try to bear up under the
| blow Our idea of something easy to
get along without is canned salmon.
A Kentucky five-year-old playfully
potted his grandma with a shotgun.
His tender years leads one to observe
that he is getting an early start, even
| for Kentuckian.
| The first official act of the present
| Maine legislature was to kick the
jobs out from under the C1erinzum-
waits of that venerable state. Kan
sas may now be able to get expert
enced spoilers at reduced rates.
A mans refusal to buy a bargain
| he doesn't want is what woman
terms mans extravaganza"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Major General Leonard Wood IS
something Of a brave man indeed. He
advises the vaccination of all the men
in the army with a typhoid virus that
is a preventive against typhoid fever
This will make the characterization
enthusiasts howl with rage. and for
their number and the weakness of their
cause, they can make more noise than
any other collection of individuals on
the face of the earth
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Not so many months ago many
prominent economists were urging that
the high prices were due to the fact
that the world was being glutted with
gold. And it now turns out that the
production of gold fell off all over the
world during the year 1910
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

William E. Curtis writes to the Chi
cago Record-Herald Germany's army
and navy taxes an immense burden
on all the people in that empire. That
will be the case here, too if there is no
let up in the demand that the profess
sional militarists and the jingoes are
making for military purposes. The only
way the situation can be met is for
congress to toss plenty of cold water
on these enterpriSes
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

It takes a long time to build a bank
building. It takes a long time to build
a safe for such building. And 1t
takes considerable time for people to
accumulate a little surplus coin to put
in such a safe in such a building. But
modern bank burglars can put all this
labor to naught in 80 minutes. Surely
they are clever chaps.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

There is nothing so strange in the
fact that Senators Curtis and Bristow
have agreed to disagree over the dis
tribution of the federal patronage in
Kansas. Senator Bristow has the fac
ulty of making 1t almost impossible for
any one to agree with him outside of
III
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Not much credence will be placed in
the reports from Chicago that many
wealthy Americans, who are interested
in mines and other properties in Mex
leo, are back of the Mexican revolution.
If they had been, it would have
amounted to more.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Railroads will have to stop charac-
terizing any of their trains as flyers"
When one Of them gets in a wreck or
goes in the ditch, the news about such
a catastrophe might suggest that some
of the railroads had gone into the
aviation business.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

vantage over the batsmen. And it is
believed that if the pitchers box is
leveled, batting will pick up generally.
Anything that will increase the batting
ought to be adopted. Inside baseball
and other tricks Of the trade are all
very clever, but nothing pleases the
fans quite so much as to see the bat
tiers Zine 'em OUT
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

And Kansas didn't even get smell
of that $2o.0oo,OoO of government
money that is to be devoted to irriga-
ton and reclamation projects. It's
about time that Kansas representa-
tives at the seat of the federal govern
ment got together.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
rFrom the New York Press.I

IFrom the New York Press.1
Farming is all right when it is only
O memory.
Genius is a benefit to the world and
an injury to its own family.
A man can think he is a good fus-
band by just missing being a brute.
A woman wants a lot of clothes to
wear and lot more that she could
wear If there were more days In the
week
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Now comes the suggestion from di-
vers quarters that the recent cold
weather has been bad for the coming
wheat crop. And it wasn't so long
ago some people were insisting that
cold weather was needed to save this
seIf-same crop.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07
FpON O7EER PENS
CHINA AND OPIUM TRADE.

The new Chinese senate, which is the
forerunner of q complete bicameral par
Lament, has passed a resolution aimed
to crush the opium trade This is in
line with previous acts of the govern
ment and indicates a keen appreciation
of an evil which constitutes national
menace. On September 20, 1906, an i'm
perial edict decreed that within 10
years. the use and trade in opium must
be abolished.
Great Britain has been considered
the particular hindrance to the move
ment for an international Introduction
of the opium trade. AS long ago as
1891 the house of commons condemned
the traffic. but the actual suppression
of it has been discouragingly slow. The
trouble has been that the British gov
eminent, from it's monopolistic control
of the traffic in certain districts of India,
enjoys large revenue. 1t is an un-
pleasant thought to British fiscal minds
that this revenue must be abandoned.
OF course. in the march of moral
progress the opium trade, like the slave
trade, must ultimately give way. 1t IS
a favorable comment upon chinese
strength of character that they, who
are the most constant users of the drug
and whose government profits largely
by it's production and sale, are ready
to take the lead in stopping the trade.
It is triumph for nation which is
too seldom given credit for so much
faithfulness to princlple.-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

From the attitude assumed by many
members of the Kansas legislature, it
would seem that the selection of a
speaker. or presiding officer, is the
most important matter for their con-
sideration. AS a matter of fact, it
ought to be the most inconsequential
thing they have to deal with. Evil
dence that it really does not amount
to very much is to be found in the
attitude of Governor Stubs. He has
refused to take out chips in the game.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Topeka is distinguished again. One
of It's hens carried Off all the honors
at the poultry show in the Rhode Is
land Red class.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Jack Johnson's fight with Jim JEFF
fries may not have been his hardest
one, but it certainly was his most prof.
table flstic engagement.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Inasmuch as the chess champion
ship of the state has been decided for
a year, all other things can again pro-
coed in their accustomed ways.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

The impossible has happened. Dave
Lahy, Govrnor Stubs versatile and
active secretary, made a mistake.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Live and learn. Wall street is re-
ported to be cautious
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

A Democratic governor in Maine
must feel just a trif1e out of place.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-07

Several of the baseball experts are
advocating the removal of the raised
pitchers box. 1t is thought that it
gives the pitcher too much of an ad-