Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-10-01
lawyer good mornin' 60 to the divil, or any
other usual civility, as he left.


DOCTOR, doctor, darlin'," says Brian,
says he, when his speech returned to
him, am glad you've come! If you Danish
this pain that's worse ten thousand times
than purgatory out of my big toe, we can
name any fee your conscience1l counte-
nance, not exceedin' your own weight in
goold."
The doctor he shook his head. "Mr.
Munibagges," says he "if was blissed with
the gift, never yet known to mortal man. of
curin' the govt, even the fat mans weight
in goold at the dime museum wouldn't give
me one tenth as much delight as would the
relievin' a poor tortured human of the
agonies you, poor divil, have suffered for
fifteen years gone and, unfortunately, must
suffer for the remainder of your natural
life"
Brian, at this news, let woeful screech
says he, wringin' his hands. "Can nOthin'
be done for me at all, at ALP"
ooh, yes, yes says the doctor, says he,
very reassurin', "a great deal can be done,
I'm delighted to say, to relieve your other
complaints"
Poor Brians groan, when he heard this,
would tear hole through hardwood door.
what, in the name of Heaven, do you
mean?" says he.
a mean," says the doctor, says he, @that
exceptin' for your liver, which is of course
past curin' and your disaised heart, which |
daren't tinker with any more, on my peril
and yours, l feel certain that after your ap
pendix is removed, if you survive the opera
ton, which is quite possible, you Ire likely to
live the remainder of your life; on condition,
however, that you walk ten mile on the
empty stomach every mornin', take eleven
gooseberries for breakfast, go without lunch.
and eat no dinner, and drink seven quarts of
whey between meals, and ree-quarters of
bottle of codliver oil for nightcap, and never
look at tobacco more. Then" says he,
4providin' your heart holds out,ss:and your
liver acts like gentleman, you'll be the
soundest and healthiest millioneer outside
sanatorium. A thousand dollars" says the
doctor, fypin' his ripper for his daily fee.
"And good mornin, says he when he got it,
@and hope you'll have glad and joysome
day."
DOOR Brian was putin out of him a moan
that would melt the heart of "a whin-
stone rock, when his wife Kitty, so plastered
with jew1ry that he couldn't see more than
her nose at one time, tore in, in rantin'
rage, and went whirlin' round the room like
a red Indian.
kitty, Kitty, asthore,' says Brian. says
he. whats come over we at all, at;all?'
II have, put my case" says+she, 3in the
hands of a lawyer
@What case, Kitty achree?' says he, in
mighty wonderment.
1For separation and seven hundred thou--
sand alimony," says she. at isn't once, and
it isn't fifty times alone says she, Eye bald
headed old desaiver, that I've warned you to
stop your gallivantin' with chorus girls!
But it was sorra use," says she. @The old
fool is ever an always the worst fool"
kitty! Kitty! Kitty!" says Brian, says
he as it take leave of your senses we have
done? What are we ravin' about chorus
girls?'
@I1llet We know that in the divorce court"
says she. II have every particular of your
COINS on,-day and date, chapture and verse
for each lunches and dinners suppers and
automobiles, with the chorus hussies, and a
yard high of love letters srnellin' like an ex-
plosion in a scent factory. The papers,"
says she al make fine readin' for the town
some mornin' soon. One'd think, says she
@that an old bald ruin like you, with one foot
in the grave and the other only half out of it,
would be maxim your SOUL instead Of such
scandalous COINS on. IT'S little WONDER
says she, @that the divil's torturin' the soul
-, ~, 1or oil