The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-09-12

more Collateral TO ledNe " me Oiso
Branches.
They may have looked like jump
son Weeds to the rest of the World
but to Pa and Ma they were Al
Olive Branches.
Pa was a self-made Proposition
Sole-Leather, Hand-Stitched and
Four-Ply. with Rivets around the
Edges.
His Business Career had been n
long Rassle with Adverse Circur5-
stances. Nothing vas ever handed
to him on a Sheffield Tray with
Parsley around it. The World owed
him a Living but in order to collect
it he had to I'd his Arguments
with a piece Of Lead-Pipe.
He was out for the Kale, if you
know what that means. He was col
lecting Hebrew Diplomas and he had
a special Liking for the light-colored
Variety with a large c in the Corner.
He was going to provide for his
Family, regardless of what happened
to other Families.
Ee had a little Office back of the
Bank and made a Specially of help
ing those overtaken by Trouble. Any
one in Financial Straits who went in
to the Back Office to arrange for a
Loan was expected to open Negotla-
lions by removing the Right Eye n
laying it on the Table.
Pa had Mormon Whiskers and a
Mackerel Eye and wore a Shawl in
stead of an OyercOat and kept a little
Bag of Peppermint Drops in his Tail
Pocket and walked Pussy-Foot and
took more Stock in Isaiah thar he
die in the Sermon on the Mount.
The Above is merely a Rough Out
line but it will help you to under
stand why his Wife preceded him to
the Other Shore.
She was a Good Woman who lever
f~~~- ho TToN- 49,
to the Day of her Death she could
put her Hand on her Heart and truly
say that h had not wasted any
Money on Jewelry Or Cut Flowers.
But she could lave written a large
Book on how it feels to get up in
the Morning and cook q little Oat-
meal.
Pa and Ma saved and skimped and
held out and trimmed and ma
for Years.
They had been brought up in the
School of Hard knocks but they
wanted Bertrand and Isabel to go
through Life on Ball Bearings:
Pa finally went to his Reward, ac-
cording to the Local Paper, and the
it came out that Bertrand and Isabel
had 100000 each. which was more
tina Pa had Der turned in to the
Assessor.
These two Children had been shell
tered from the Great World, although
never stinted in the, matter Of Sas-
safras Tea or the Privilege of read
others.
AS soon as he came into his IN
heritance, Bertrand looked about in a
startled Manner and then bought
himself a Plush Hat and began to
cultivate Pimples.
A few Days later he might have
been seen riding in a Demonstrating
Gar with a Salesman Win WIN Q
Goggles and who told him that all
the Swell Guys were putting In
Orders for the $4,000 Type with the
jeweled Mud-Guards. And next
Morning the Sexton observed that
Father, by turning owe in the Grave,
had somewhat loosened the fresh
Earth.
Bertrand had Modern Plumbing
put into the Old House and built a
Porte Cochere on the Side and moved
a lot of Red Velvet Furniture into
the Parlor. Some said that the
Moaning Sound heard at Night was
only the Wind in the Evergreens but
others allowed that it was the return
ed Spirit of the Loan Agent check
ing over the Expenses.
Isabel stopped wearing Things that
scratched her and began ordering
from a Catalogue. because the Local
Dealers didn't carry anything but
Common Stuff. Also she began to
served Asparagus in jan
uary. the House rocked on it's Foun-
dations.
Bertrand soon knew the Difference
betWeen a Hickey and a Sour and was
trying to pretend to let on to be fond
OF the Snoif Taste in that Imported
Article which has done SO much to
mitigate the Horrors of Golf.
In the meantime, Isabel y got so
far along that she could tell by the
Feel whether the Goods were real or
only Mercerized. and each Setting
Sun saw a new Crimp in the Bank
Account.
All Statisticians agree that a couple
OF Heirs can spend Much Money and
yet besides if they do not work at
anything else. Especially when every
Pearl in the Rope represents a Chat
tel MoEtgage and a fancy Weskit is