davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1911-03-30
Tales of the Town
HIS MAJESTY

HIS MAJESTY.
I'm king OF the road. / gather
My toll on the worlds highways.
i They pave the street for my royal feet
u And the man In the wagon pays
With my sturdy heels laugh at wheels.
hurry at no mans will.
For the rich who ride my meals provide;
They must feed the king to his NIL
I'm king OF the road, Before me
My way lies over the land.
With "A wild rose train from meadow and
lane
And the hail OF a song bird band.
They are slaves who team by wagon or
steam.
The fOotman carries tho crown.
What cares the tramp whose supper and
camp
Arc waiting IN every town.
I'm king OF the road all summer.
In winter | sin go free.
Let the snow blast come. In "A nook I'll
chum
Win gypsy crew like me.
III ask no snares with home proud heirs
They're the scorn OF my soul while 1
Can tread the floors OF the great outdoors
md nobody ask me why
Theron Brown.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1911-03-30
THE sMAuL-rRAcr SCHEME.

Speaking OF the wisdom OF Brig
ham Young as an empire builder
and one whose 'statesmanship has
been exemplified through three gem
erations OF Mormon achievement,
an exchange comments on the deyeL
opment OF Utah In manner that
affords lesson 20 those interest
cd 10 the progress Of Idaho. It
says:
brigham Young believed In small
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1911-03-30

things that he does not deal
y y
n Emmett man complains that
wife, In an effort TO be stylish,
hobbled his nlghtshirts.
y
A Kansas paper quotes Champ
'Hark as saying, That would be
- OF job" Put 1t down that Mr..
Clark never used any blanks In his
.onYersatlon.
-
We've noticed that somebody al
ways gets the best part OF the steak
and leaves the strlngy ends. That's
he reason we like hash. for we feel
se are getting an even break.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1911-03-30

lated skeleton. When the visitor
had sufficiently recovered from his
shock to stand the announcement
the Doctors son explained that his
father was extremely proud of that
skeleton. is he?" asked the other.
WHY" 81 don't know" was the
answer; maybe it was his first pa
tient."
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1911-03-30

When a certain mild-mannered
representative from Middle West
srn state went to Congress, says
Success, he left behind a body OF
constituents who fancied that great
personal benefits would come to
them through their powerful states
man. A farmer with political de-
signs followed the great man TO
Washington. ''WeL, Tom" a friend
asked him on his return, did you
see Washington and Dick Blank,
and did you get what you went af-
teri" yes, seen Washington,
and / seen Dick Blank" he replied,
but DICK couldn't do nuthin for
me. He has a hard time to keep
- gittin' tromped on hisself."
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1911-03-30

MS rOOm the thSuDsLahIIaI DuIIu-
ing fairly shook with his tread.
When he got into bed that recep-
tacle, unused to so much weight,
gave way, precipitating Mr.. Taft to
the floor. His friend hurried to
the door. What's the matter Bill?.
"oh, I'm all right, / guess" Taft
called out TO his friend good natur-
eddy; but, say, Joe, If you don't
find me in the morning look in the
cellar.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-05
fate was "crewser," meaning battleship.
1eenie spelt it with a."
EXCELSIOR.
BILL VERY SCALRT

Bill Hepburn, Our artisticl1 blacksmith,
got a turrible scair last Saterdy ev'g
which he will remember until his dying
day and even longer, as he thought
something was happening to him which
wasn't, but which if it was would of
been as turrible as he thought it was.
Bill went to the Co. seat for the pur-
pose of getting littel relacksashion at
the rate of l dol per gal. of relacksa-
shion. He had 2 drinks, and then pur-
chased ct. of relacksashion for quar-
dol, and started back for Bingville in
tending to consume same along the road
and arrive home pleasantly ineebriated.
The consuming was done according TO
his plans, but he did not seem to be
able to develop the warm glow which
ushually comes to him during the pro-
cess of consuming the at. He become
scairt and consumed the entire ct
quickly, and still the glow was lacking.
He arrived home running but sober,
and at oncet took to his bed and re-
quested Mrs. Hepburn to send for Doc
Livermore as he was about to pass into
the great beyond. Mrs. Hepburn, see
ing that Bill was sober, was turrible
alarmed, and run quick for Doc Liver
more When Doc Livernore arrived,
Bill told him that he had drunk over a
qt of whiskey without feeling a mite of
effeckt from it. Doc thought something
SERIOUS was the matter, and asked to
be showed the bottel out of which he
had drunk the whiskey. This bottel was
still in Bills hip pocket, so Doc Liver
more took it and smelt it, and then toIo
Bill that what he thought was whiskey
want nothing but flat ginger ale which
the bar keeper must of give him for a
Joke. When Bill heard this, he ariz
| from his bed and passed forth into the
night bound for the Co. seat. He re-
turned nome at a. m. Sundy morning
very intocksicated. and it was subse-
kwently learnt that he had give the bar
keeper over to the Co. seat black eyes.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-05

We are in receipt of a newspaper
from the city, which is marked with
a blue pensil on the edittoriel page
around a item inserted into a coll
lun of stuff right next to the ed
ittoriels which we think is supposed
to be funny. This item is taken
right out of Bingyille Bugle for
Oct. 1th and it is About some of
our very best people in town, Miss
Molly Tucker to be exackt.
The item was wrote about Miss
Molly Tucker when she was con-
fined to her palashiai residence
through sickness brought on by a
soft corn on her little toe with
which she was suffering torchures,
but notwithstanding the sufferings
| of fellow creachure, the editer of
this so-called funny column has
evidently thought that he saw
something funny about this item
and has taken and copied it and put
it into his column and expects his
readers to 1aff over the nlisfor-
chimes of somebody else.
Now what we would like to
know is what there was funny
about that item. The item said
Miss Molly Tucker is suffering
Itorctures from a corn on her littel
toe. It is soft corn and don't
give Miss Molly a minutes rest
whether she is sitting on a chair or
standing up. Hard corns is bad
enough, but you can always dinlin-
Iish them with the careful use of a
razor. Soft corns however seem
to defy all treatment. We hope
this soft corn will grow into a hard
Ieorn."
| Did this editer think that this
item was funny because Miss Molly
was suffering from a soft corn, or
did he think it was funny because
1--we hoped the soft corn would grow
into a hard corn? We have given
this matter considerable thought,
land we cannot see what there is
funny about it at all. We cannot
see how this city editer can get
paid any money for writing this
column of stuff if it is supposed to
Ibe funny. We read it over very
carefully, and brought all our edi-
toriel judgement to bear on it, and
we think that this so-cal1ed funny
column in the city paper is about
las funny as dying man.
If this editer would look our pa
per over sharply, he might find
something about as deep as any
thing he has been putting in his
eollum for some time past. In fact
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-05

over who would fix the furnace at night
and Sary hit Hen in the small of the
back with bean pot. They sepperated
right away. This is the 9TH time they
have sepperated. It will probly be all
of 3 days before they are again united,
so to speak
Miss Amelia Tucker, our reigning So
ciety queen, gave house warming last
Thursdy ev'g, at which charades was
played, and coffee and mince pie served
as delishious refreshments. Miss Sally
Hoskins, our talented pome writer, was
meaning to read a pome at this party,
but she having been unable to get a
rhyme for fifth" the pome was not
writ. A pleasant time was had by all.
Doc Livermore, our talented horse
speshialist and also human doctor, says
this is good weather for the Grim Reap
er to be stalking around among our
midst, and that you never can tell but
what it will strike tomorrow. He says
he wouldn't be surprised if it was TO
happen any time now. Doc always
looks on the best side of things.
Hen Weathersby, prop of our gen1
store, while playing checkers with Hold
Quigley tother ev'g, had three folks in
succession come in to buy things often
him. Neither Hen nor Hold said any,
thing, though, and neither of them
made a sound, so the three people went
away without buying anything, and they
was able to finnish the game without
interruption. Hen give Hold a offal
licking.
Eph Higgins, our accommodating P.
NJ, had his accounts for Oct. come out
just right, down to the last penny, and
was so tickeled that he closed up the
P. o. for a day and went cunning for
partridges. He got a hedgehog and a
chickadee, which he mistook for a quail.
If it wasn't for having to stick so close
to the P. o. all the time, Eph would be
one of the best shots in the Co.
Shorty Melcher, mgr and prop. OF
the Oriental Palace Moving Pikshur
| Theayter, a nounces that he has got
holt OF a turrible good film for next
wk, containing three murders and
robbery. (Adv.)
Seth Dewberry, our heroick town con-
stabble, has been ackting turrib1e mys-
terious of late 1t is not definitely
knowed what it is that makes him go
for to ackt so mysterious, but it is sup
posed that he has feeling that a crime
is about to be committed. Every onct
in while Seth gets to feeling that way.
Nothing ever happens, but Seth says il
is because of his eternal vigilance, az
it were, that the mallefacters do not
mallefact
Hank Dewberry is telling around
town that he is going to retire from
bizness life next yr., being as how
man oughter have some pleasure as he
gets along in yrs We are of the opin-
ion that Hank retired from active biz
ness life the day he was born.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-05
HAPPY VALLEY

Thanksgiving only littel over 3 wks.
off.
Have you got your turkeys fatted up
as yet?
Bog Brook was SKINNED over with
Use last Thursday a. m. This looks like
a hard winter.
Miss Mary Ann Green, the bell of
Happy Valley, is taking sulpher and
molasses now instead of in the spring.
being as how she has got one boil on
her nose and two on her neck and three
others scattered over other porshions Of
her boldly too numerous to menshion.
Miss Mary has turrible thin blood.
Ham Wilson visited BingviIle tother
day and purchased Ct. plug of to-
baccer. He reports hard going, being
as how the roads is friz.
Mrs BENZ. Gibbs raked her front
yard free of leaves and burned same
last Fridy. Her yard looks dandy.
Miss Teenie Miller was spelled down
at spelling bee at District School No
last Saterdy night for the first time in
5 yrs. She was spelled down by Jed
Peters, the intelligent school teacher OF
BingviIle. The word which proved he,
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-05
MiStOOk for Mink

The first cunning acksident for the
VI. took place last Saterdy afternoon
when Yves Woodruff, our expert hunt
er and trapper, went out into the woods
I'D back Of Gootcllic for the purpose of
hunting or trapping, taking along his
trusty muzzle-loader shotgun and mis-
took littel Tommy Barker, son of the
well known citizen of this place, Bige
Barker, for a mink and delivered a
charge of No. shot into Tommy's left
leg at long range, no damadge being did
to Tommy beyond giving him ofal
start. The ability of Yves Woodruff as
a expert hunter and trapper is too well
known to be recounted here. He was
wandering through the woods when ne
see a brown thing moving. He said to
himself that there is mink, and the
next ninnit he up and let the brown
thing have his left barrel. Cries rose
upon the air, and Yves run up and dis
covered that he had shot Tommy.
Somebody always gets mistook by Yves
during the course of the yr., but gen.
orally he mistakes people for a deer or
a fox. This is the first time that Yves
has ever nistook a human man for a
mink. It seems to US that a mink is a
pretty small critter to mistake human
person for. However people ought to
keep outen the way OF expert hunter
and trapper when he is out on business.
Littel Tommy is quite recovered at
this writing.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-05
For Sail

I have made a careful saving of all
the hair which l have cut often people
in the last or 2 yrs, including head
hair and beard hair, and I am now pre-
pared to sell this hair by weight or by
measure. I VIII sell you as low as a
peck of hair, if you want that littel. |
have separated the coarse hair from
the silky hair, and that will make diff
ference in price. Soft silky hair like
that often DAD Henderson's head and
beard, which are allowed to grow from
one years end to another, viii cost YOU
more than hair like that often Cy Hos
kinses head which is stiff and hard Like
nails. All of this hair is great to stuff
pliers and mattresses with, though. and
it is certainly great to have something
stuffed with hair when you know the
hair is from your friends, and is D. K.
See me for hair You can't beat my
rates, HARYE HINES.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-05

that same item that he copied is a
much better written artickle than
anything he ever put in his column.
There is nothing original about his
column, something he has hashed
up from other papers which sup
port editers with brains. Let him
look our paper over very sharply,
as there might be something very
witty in it, but if there was he prob
ably would not understand it.
Editers of city papers are too
fresh. Subscribe for the Bugle,
Our job dept is unequaHed in this
end of the Co. Also personal news
which includes gossip as well as
fack%s- ~
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-05
Country Correspondence
LANDS END

Ras Hunker, who has chillblains tur-
ribie bad, is getting his feet all swoll up
on acct of the cold weather which is
present in large quantities just now.
lack Peterson and Ranse Smiley, who
don't like to work much, are beginning
to talk about numbering over on Saw
ridge Mt They will talk about this for
the next two or 8 mos, and then they
probably wont do anything.
Mrs. Hen Jordan went visiting rel
latives at the Co. seat last Saterdy a. m.
Hen Jordon of here was intocksicated
last Saterdy ev'g with Bill Henshaw,
also of here. 1t was hard cider one.
Mrs. Luke Samson is hitting a pair
of red wool mitts with which to make
Luke Xmas present this coming Xmas.
Lester Young, the 1l-year-old son of
Sam Young of this place, threw some
water on the sidewalk in front of his
house so as to have place to slide on
when it was SO cold last Thursdy The
water froze and Lester slid and went in
the house, and then Sam come out and
failed to observe the ice and slipt on it
and fell, striking his head and his shout
ders and his back and several of his
limbs severely against the ground He
give Lester an awful licking, the sound
of which could be heard for a great
distance through the still cold air
Cy Saunders, who lives miles west,
has begun to fat up his big turkey for
Thanksgiving. Cy don't feed his fowls
except when he is going to eat same,
and, when he has same fatted Up. he
can't bear to eat same, and sells them.
Ananias Hooker was butted by his big
black ram in the corncrib one day last
wk., and is showing several alarming
black and blue spots to the naybors.
E PLURIBUS UNUM.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-05
Personal Items

Winter will now be soon dropping
down her white blanket over hill and
dale and clogging up the roads like
everything.
Miss Lulu Andrews, daughter of Dea-
con Andrews, has been practising hard
at her singing this wk., as she will SUBJ
stltute in the choir next Sunday in place
of Miss Phoebe Hilderbrand, our fash
ionabble dressmaker. Her voice has
disturbed the naybors considerably,
but they think she will be able to reach
several notes higher next Sundy than
ever before. Lulu's voice would be good
if she could be successful in her at
tempts to reach the high notes.
Miss Samanthy Deevers has not been
on the sick list this wk.. as she has been
putting up preserves. She says she has
felt wretched while doing same, how
ever, and will be forced to take to her
bed next wk.
Lemuel Goodwin, while walking the
floor with his 9 mos. old child Enoch
one night last wk. tripped on the carpet
in the bedroom and fell flat on his face
but manadged to keep his boldly bent
up so that littel Enoch was not hurt.
Mrs. Goodwin was turrible worked up
over the occurrence, and gave Lem a
severe talking to, notwithstanding Lem
had skun nose and four studied toes.
Bud Hjnckley, who amt quite right in
his head, ct a piece of nice-srnelling
soap which his ma bought over to the
! Co. seat tother day. The soap made
him sick to his stumrnick and he fell to
the floor as if he had a fit. His ma
| thought sure he was suffering from
epilepsy till Doc Livermore come over
and pumped him out with the big pump
he uses on horses. After that the Wild
ow Hincklcy damned Bud or 3 good
ones for eating her scented soap.
Jed Peters, our intelligent school
teacher, was called on BY a delegation
of orr most prominent and well-known
| citizens tother day and asked to refrain
from telling fairy tales to the school
children Jed told the children tother
! day that the light from some stuff
called radium would travel 10000 miles
/ a second. The delegation told Jed he
would have to quit telling young chill
| dren such lies as that, and Jed said If
wasn't lie The delegation said Jed
was a liar, and Jed called EN- dunn
fools Cy Hoskins, who was chairman
of the delegation, wanted to know how
in tarnashion anything could go as fast
as that, and told Jed to shet up making
a fool of hisself. Jed said he wouldn't
tell it again, but he said he was right
| just the same We doubt it.
Arioch Skinner, member of the Board
of Health of this place, has built new
| pig pen right beside the road lust be-
yond his house. He says the smell is
healthy. He may be right
Reason Underwood bought pair Of
pants for $2.57 tother day. This is the
first pair of pants Reason has bought in
yrs. We don't see how Reason makes
EN- wear 50 long.
Miss Phronicia Watkins has a in
growing toe nail on the great toe of her
left foot and is devoting a good cal Of
time to crashaying as a result, ingrow-
ing toe nails having no effect on GRO
| shaying.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-05
Local Mention

Hen Wilson, who has not separated
from his wife, Sary Ann Wilson, sinst
last June, got into argument with her
The St. Lucie County tribune. (Fort Pierce, St. Lucie County, Fla.) 1905-1920, 1911-05-12
SiN Se~aa 500

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The St. Lucie County tribune. (Fort Pierce, St. Lucie County, Fla.) 1905-1920, 1911-05-12
INDEPENDENCE

nv in and day out; rain o or :, shine;
- sunlight or shadow; all the way
down through the years oil negreat
desire seems to exist TO BE INDEP.
ENDENT. If YOU have felt this desire
it is probably because you have never
thought seriously and earnestly about
the unlimited want, suffering and re-
gret that may come to a man or wom-
an who grows old and becomes depend
ent upon others for the comforts and
necessities of life. The only sure way
to avoid such an unfortunate condition
as penniless old age---the only way to
become INDEPENDENTS to save right
now--today---every day. We will help
you if you will open an account with us
and help yourself.
The St. Lucie County tribune. (Fort Pierce, St. Lucie County, Fla.) 1905-1920, 1911-05-12
SCHOOL BOARD WARRANTS

~ following accounts We're exam
ma, SrS warrants ordered drawn for
sx-as s; + meeting Of the school board
n;i, MEV 81.
The St. Lucie County tribune. (Fort Pierce, St. Lucie County, Fla.) 1905-1920, 1911-05-12
short Items from
all Sections
OF the State

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The St. Lucie County tribune. (Fort Pierce, St. Lucie County, Fla.) 1905-1920, 1911-05-12

Sand van lt,t nss,fpfE Afnus,~,,
othas, ssrs asscss. IA y NN"
The St. Lucie County tribune. (Fort Pierce, St. Lucie County, Fla.) 1905-1920, 1911-05-12
COMMISSIONERS WARRANTS

The following accounts we're so' eH' f"r
;,aj pc ,I i3''V warrants ordered drawn iOr
.',r" At meeting of the county co'"
missioners held May ISL
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1911-10-19
CORPORAL
Smith Sends Two Men to Co.
lumbus Barracks for the
Coast Artillery.

c. L. swartz, first lieutenant of the
state recruiting service. visited the
IDEAL recruiting office Friday morning
and accepted two men for the coast
artillery The two new recruits,
Oscar Miller and Iven Anderson, were
sent to the Columbus barracks on the
$40 o'clock train Friday morning.
Lieutenant swartz returned to hls
home at Parkersbure on the same
train.
The fact that only two men were
sent away is due to the fact that
Sergeant Frisby has been confined to
his room with sciatic rheumatism and
Corporal Smith is not well acquainted
in til. city. Sergeant Frlsby will he
able to be out the first of the weeh
and then with the assistance of Coz.
poral Smith he will make recorS
for the local station.