Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-01-18

coming mere. 1 swear that VIII not
grant what you are going to ask!'
Balakireff dropped at once to his
knees. Peter AIexeivitch," he cried,
"I pray you, put to death that scamp
of a cousin Of minei"
Peter, thus caught in his own trap,
had no choice but to laugh and send
a pardon to the culprit.
On another occasion Balakiref ask
ed that he might be enrolled among
hts masters domestic guards. Peter
consented for the sake of the joke,
but warned his jester that death was
the penalty if any officer Of the
guards absented himself from his post
or mislaid his sword. Then TO test
the volunteer he sent him up a fagon
of wine to "moisten his commission"
Balakireff, as was expected. drank to
the Intoxicating point. While he was
sleeping off his debauch the cZar him
self crept into the room and carried
off his sword from the scabbard. Bala-
kireff, though badly scared, on awak-
ing made shift to replace the missing
weapon with his own wooden imita-
ton of the guardsmen's sword. He
was called TO parade next morning,
when Peter feigned hot Indignation
at the untidiness of one of the guards.
Captain Ralakireff.' he cried at last,
draw your sword and cut off the head
of that sloven"'
Balakireff cast his eyes up to heav-
en- "Oh, merciful Cod he prayed,
grant that my sword may turn into
wood before I use il on one Of my own
fellow soldiersr'
And. 10, when he unSheathed 1t the
blade stood revealed as a wooden one.
Peter laughed heartily at the knave's
presence of mind and restored him to
favor.
A more serious offense resulted In
the Punishment of the jester. Never
dare 70 appear again on Russian soil"'
stormed the emperor. Judge then Of
Peters surprise when, a week later,
he beheld his old favorite coolly driv-
ing a cart past the palace.
How dare you disobey me?" shout
ed the enraged monarch. Did 1 not
forbid you ever TO show yourself on
Russian soil?"
May" replied Balakireff, 'T have
not disobeyed you. This is not Rus
sian SOIL
How say you-not Russian sofl?'
"Truly not This CARLOAD of earth
on which I am sitting is Swedish soil.
l dug it up in Finland only the other
day"
Again the car laughed uproariously
and readmitted his buffoon to favor.
Some historians add that when he
heard the excuse he said, "If Finland
be Swedish soil now it shall be Rus
sian before long," threat he was not
slow to fulfill.
This story, however, was an old one
long before the time of Balakireff. II
forms the twenty-seventh adventure
of Till EulenspiegeI, who is reputed to
have died in 1850. Having offended
the Duke of Nuremberg, Till was flor
hidden the land" He purchased a shil-
ling's worth OF earth to fill his cart
with, and, being duly challenged by the
duke, ne answered:
MY gracious lord, am not in your
land. but in mine own, wherein / do
sit. / bought 1t of a boor for a shil-
ling. And rightfully could he sell 1t,
for from his forefathers he inherited
IT. So is this truly my land"
At the close OF one of Car Peters
campaigns Balakireff overheard some
Russian officers boasting of exploits
they had performed.
Nay" he cried, IT can tell a better
story than any Of you And. being
pressed for the story, he continued:
Never have liked this modern way
of fighting all in a body together.
Surely 1t would be more manly for
each to stand by himself. Therefore
went ] out alone in search of adven-
lures. One day while reconhoitering
near the enemy's outposts espied
Swedish soldier lying on the ground
Before he could rise and give the
alarm I rushed upon him and with
one blow from my sword cut OF his
right foot"
You foOlr' cried one of his auditors
why did you not cut of his headI"
$50 would have done" retorted
except that somebody else
had already done it"-washington
Star.