The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1911-07-26
The Squire's
Probation

Squire Thomas Jefferson okaggs
was the most talented sWearer around
Merryville. The squire swore If he
lost a dime or found dollar, If It
rained or if there was long dry
spell, wind blow east or wind blow
west. He could hold his own with
circus boss, and make sailors par
rot hang its head in shame
The squire was rather proud OF his
accomplishment, until he began court
ing the Widow Lindsey. Then he came
to wish that his prowess ran along
different lines.
Look here, squire-you say you
love me2"
Eyes, by began Squire skaggs.
"Tut. TUT" checked Widow Lindsey.
IT you will go 80 days without one
word of profanity, I'll marry you; If
not. / won't"
Then the squire began the great bat
tie. The first day he spent conjuring
up and jotting down a long list Of
words and expletives to be used for
substitutes for his own blue-hame, sui
phurous vocabulary. The list began
with "Abou Ben Adhem," and ended
with "zum," and he put it into prac-
tice next morning when the gray
mule, old Mol. stepped upon his foot
Great Abou Ben Adhem! What in
the name OF Zoroaster is the matter
with you, by zum?" And old Mol
gazed at him reproachfully.
The squire held manfully to his lit
tie manual of polite expletive, daily
reporting progress to the widow. He
found that for trivial provocation,
such as receiving a dun from the
Weekly Fogh0rn or stumbling his
toe. the manual did fairly well, but
that for really trying situations, such
as chasing his hat in the mud, by
vum!" and "Oh, Caesareal" were
wholly inadequate. The widow CEN
sored the manual and cut out such
transparent substitutes as "Rotter-
DAM" and Amsterdam" on her own
account.
Toward the end of The month Of
probation the squire took the widow
behind old Mol to the Foot Washing
Baptists' camp meeting at Hickory
grove. The squire had a flawless rec
ord, and both were IN fine spirits over
the prospect of a speedy union While
at the meeting. however, 1t set in to
rain. and by the time they reached
Wolf creek on the return journey it
was tremendously high. When ex-
aotly in the middle of the stream old
Mol balked. The squire lashed ard
coaxed her, then rallied at her in lhe
revised nearswearing, but she planted
her fore feet more firmly. The buck
board was awash and floating danger
ously Great logs and rails were bump
ing downstream. The widow fretted.
The squire grew desperate.
Widow" he announced, 'if you will
crawl back in the hind end of the wag-
ON and stick your fingers in your ears
good and tight, maybe l can reason
with this perverse creature"
The widow hesitated, but the dan
ger was great and she went.
Got EN- stopped good and tight?"
asked Squire Skaggs.
~ Inc WluOW ulu not dubNbTs hO ludt
the squire drew his own conclusions
and sailed in. He began with the AL
pha Of his own original, blue-iame
sulphurous code, and went straight
through to Omega. omitting nothing
AT the first familiar expletive old Mo-
perked up her ears. In half a minute
she was looking back with approval
Befc~e Squire Skaggs had haif fin
ished old Mol clicked her heels to
gether and hauled the blackboard
high upon the bank.
When the widow climbed back upor
the seat, Squire Skaggs hung his heat
as one who has stolen baby sheep
He could only utter brokenly:
II guess I've spoiled my probation
widow had to talk right, positive t.
that mule"
To his astonishment the widow
face was radiant. Squire Skaggs,
she replied, my fingers slipped out
and must say you are the most elc
quent man ever heard. After tn
wedding I'm going to teach you t
pray"
Hope for the sIeepIess Ones.