davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
JAYHAWKER JOTS

Being somewhat original. the Alma
shopping whenever you please
The Lawrence Journal-World tells
of a colored man who was asked to
change ten dollar bill. II can't do
it, sah:' he replied, '-but I am much
obliged for the suspicion"
A solar-plexus jolt from the Lincoln
Sentinel: There are several towns in
Kansas which want the people outside
their limits to think they are clean and
decent, but they want to retain all of
the rottenness that it is possible for
them to have.
That too much of a good thing is
often worse than not enough is pointed
out in the following pastoral from the
Atchison Globe: An Atchison man,
rather embittered and morose, mar
ried a woman of a demurely cheerful
disposition. His life had been made so
much happier by her cOmpanionship
that he laughingly nick-named her his
Merry Sunshine" In trying to live
up to this pet name, the woman has
completely lost her charm She is con-
Stantly Straining to appear buoyant and
to feel his nerve giving way under her
forced vivacity. He takes his noon
meals at restaurant now, just to get
a little relief from the I-must-be-
bright-and-gay sort of smile with
which she greets him. Her airy gay
ETY. and cackling laugh are also the
despair of her friends and they are be-
ginning to look bored.
Related by the Clay Center Tines
Here is a story they tell on a Clay
Center German, lover of kraut. Re-
Gently a few barrels of kraut were
made at his house and placed in the
cellar to "ripen-'' Soon it began to
work and about that time a peculiar
odor began to be noticed PA" said
the good wife, that kraut is getting
to smell pretty strong "Oh that's all
right. It's working fine. 1t will soon
be fit to eat replied the old man. Next
day the perfume was more noticeable.
1.-The kraut smells terribly strong to
me" said the wife. Now don't you
worry any over that kraut," replied the
husband. Its coming all right. It's
just ripening up. But the third day
the good woman could st Mt it no long /
er and sent the two boys under the
house to investigate. Soon they came /
crawling out dragging behind them a
dead cat. Possibly you don't believe
this story, but it's true. The old Ger |
mans initials are J. G.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
I'D VERTZSLWc TALKS
BY WILLIAM C. FREEMAN

There was an advertising lesson taught
by the recent land show, held in Madison
Square Garden, New York. which will be
remembered by all of the exhibitors
The management of the land show was
persuaded at the last moment to spend
some money in newspaper advertising,
and had it not been for that advertising
one of the greatest shows New York has
ever seen would have been a flat failure.
1 talked with many of the exhibitors,
and it was the opinion of them all that,
had there been a preliminary advertis-
ing campaign prior to the opening of TIE
ShOw-human interest, educational news
paper advertisements that would have
aroused the attention and the interest OF
readers-Madison Square Garden would
have been packed day and night.
understand that the land show is
coming to New York again next year,
and that instead CT being a ten-day af-
fair, it will cover a period of one month,
and that back of it will be the most Wig
orous kind of newspaper advertising
campaign and under these conditions it
will be the biggest kind of a success.
1t is impossible in these days to arouse
the peoples interest in enterprises of this
character unless they are told in the adj
vertising columns about them.
So many of these exhibitions have de-
pended in the past upon the good Will OF
the newspapers for free publicity. But
the day of free publicity has passed For
one thing, people do not like to read
publicity accounts in their newspaper
they want real neWs-the actual happen
ings of the day, and they look to the
advertising columns for everything Of
business nature.
How foolish it is to try to get newspa-
pers to print free puffs about exhibitions
of this character. and neglect the most
powerful leverage that can be employed
show a success.
CTo be continued)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

From the Chicago News.]
How dearly we pay for the things we
get for nothing
What is more unfair than some speci-
mems of the fair sex?
Some people never appreciate favor
until they need another
It takes a girl with college education
to n1isspell her front name.
If a man thinks before he speaks some
woman Will beat him to it,
The easiest way to acquire a fortune is
to inherit it from your father
If a woman is afraid of losing her hair
she might lock it up in a safe.
Any man can secure an appreciative
audience by letting his money talk
Economy is all right, but don't waste
dollars worth of time trying to save
penny.
There may be people who are beneath
flattery, but old you ever see any one
who was above it?
There's consolation for the married
man: When the suffragettes gain their
point and an election doesn't go his way,
he can blame 1t on his WIFE
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
The Ilure oil the Author.

One wonders why so many novels
are written. Yet consider the state
ment just made by the managers of
the play adapted from Ben Hur."
to the estate of its author and ex
pect to pay as much more before the
public tires of it. The book itself has
had a sale of over 100000 copies,
never in a cheap form, and has prob
ably earned another s250,OO0 for the
author.
MRS. Wigs of the Cabbage Patch"
a little book of only 10000 words. has
paid to it's author as book and play
about $40 a word, and David Harum"
produced a fortune for the heirs of
the man who wrote it. Aside from the
glory or satisfaction, every novelist.
whether man or woman, is expecting
to create some day a "Ben-Hur" or
David Harum. New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

them the right, except that of ex-
pediency, and the leaders of Great
Britain do not think the time is right
for passing suffrage bill. 1t will
come, however, and the leaders in
parliament realize it.
II have never been in sympathy
Wlth the nelhgerency OF Ine SUI SUI
are pursuing the same methods that
the men of all nations have when they
fought for liberty of the ballot, but
in a less violent degree, for they do
not shed blood. The police of Lon
don, of course, have a very delicate
task to deal with the suffrag ettes, for
they dare not lay their hands on wom-
en-, or. for that matter, any British
subject, male or female, except in ex-
IRENE cases. Washington Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
HUMOR or THE Day

THE doctor asked me II ate much
meat Il sidestepped that question You
ought to tell the doctor about your diet"
Jaw, he was just trying to find out how
rich 1 am. Washington Herald.
Jones-Have you noticed how your
health has improved since you have an
automobile2 Brown-Oh. yes. have "A
fine appetite now II ] only could afford
to eat.-Satire.
Customer didn't see as your car won
any prize in that race. What are Won
blowing about? Auto Deaier-Sir. We had
a higher percentage OF drivers finish alive
than any other firm.-Puck.
did you help elect that man because OF
his personal popularity mo" replied
Farmer CorntosseL II had my suspicion
Of him for a long time and wanted 10
shove him along TO where the muckrakcre
could get a good 90 at him. ''-Washing-
ton Star.
In honor Of Aunt AIMS birthday T-nclo
Jerry PEBBLES had just bought a bunch ~
name might smell ies' as sweet . he sata a
as he opened his old leather wallet. ssh,,
I'll be dinged II it'd cost half as much o.
Chicago Tribune.
The Golfing Dentist-H'm. Tooth 30,
stump properly bunlSered. It'r be a rra'ra
niblicl< shot to get out OF there in one
Sketch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
KANSAS COAAEET


ATOOD flOADC v . " Ar
If congress would spend the money,
which it is liable to use this coming year ,
in the construction of a couple OF battlea
ships, and put il into macadam road
way. there could be a government high
way built from the Atlantic 20 the Pa
the next year, too And again the next
and the next. for this country Is going
into the construction of battleships on a
big scale. and the yearly savings would
make long mileage OF fine roads.
To be sure Hon. HobsOn, who dotes on
wars and battleships, would be against a
movement OF this sort. And from the
angle he looks at Il he would be right.
But his viewpoint is a shifting one and
he peers through colored glasses much OF
the time.
Leaving Hobson and a few others or
that stripe out OF 1t, il would be hard TO
find anyone who would say that a rock
road from coast to coast wouldn't be bet
ter than a couple OF battleships.l Espe-
cially would the interior communities in
cline toward the rock highway. for bat
tieship away from the coast line is about
as useless as a carp fish out OF water.
There is a way to get these good roads
and to limit the output OF the battleship
and armor plate factories. The way rs
for the United States senate to boost for
Taft has made and gradually eliminate
war. and with war, battleships. Il would
be mighty wise thing to try the good
road plan for a while. in the expenditure
take back seat. Any nation which
shows the good sense this would show, In
good road building. wouldn't find anyone
foolish enough to want to fight her.
Good roads VS.. battleshipS, II put TO n
vote. would win for the former. hands
in his pipe and smoke it.-Hutehinson
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
DAFFYDHS
BY u. NOALL-

If Governor Stubs were king.
would Tom NcNeal2
(Hats off. ladies! Here comes the
n cry jester-)
If electricity were applied to q grass
cutter. would the dynamo?
mo. Agnes the electric current is
not a fruit.)
If Mars fought Mercury, would the
moon beam?
(And in addition to thou, Horatio,
there are a few other fish in the SEAL
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
JOURNAL ENTRIES

The hard row to hoe is generally the
one worth working on.
X X
There are altogether too many would
DE comedians on the worlds stage.
X y
Most of the smiles men assume when
they lose are of the forced variety.
x x X
Honesty is about the only policy on
which you don't have to pay prem
iums.
Happiness seems to be about as
speedy as anything; SO few people are
able to catch it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press.l
Good advice for everybody is never to
give it to anybody.
Money isn't of any use to a man If his
wife finds out he has it.
AS soon as the Lord makes a man the
man starts in spelling the job
If religion paid cash dividends most Of
the churches would have to be enlarged
If the average man had only one lie
he'd have it worked to death half an hour
after breakfast.
When a girl will wear sensible shoes
it's a sign she's engaged to a man she
doesn't intend to marry
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

A good deal is heard these days
about hard times in various sections
Of the country There does not seem
to be any good reason for such COM
plants in this neck of the woods. The
Topeka stores are we'll filled these
days with Christmas shoppers and all
of them seem to have plenty of money
to spend The merchants are looking
forward to a large holiday trade. And
if you want your pick of the good
things on the counters, do your Christ
mas shopping early.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
by TIE WY
BY HARVEY PARSONS.

Schools will be closed but one week
Tor TINS Christmas, but unless the
children are fed on shrimp salad, that
should be sufficient time in which to
recover.
The next seventeen days will be
spent in shopping and the remain
der of the time in purchasing Christ
mas presents.
Fact is. all this s.do-your- Christmas
shopping early talk has resulted in
no material deviation from time hon
ored custom.
The Hunnewen city council has
passed a bill for 81. This, to the
best of our knowledge, is the only
transaction of said Hunnewen coun-
Gil during the past half year; and in
the meantime Hunnewen has re-
eelved more free advertising than the
Standard Oil company, which takes in
about $4,000 per "a hours.
The plan to light Washburn cam
pus until IL o'clock each night may
submit some evidence in defense, but
the prosecution holds that it will
keep assorted students up too late.
The CORTLAND school ma'am who
whipped an unruly pupil is now rub
bling her knuckles with arnica. His
name is Stone.
LAS muh shoes is thin on thuh bot
tom and rubbers hurt muh cOrns,
don't care uh cuss if it amt white
Chris mas" Deacon Squash.
We don't know Goldberg.-who is
subbing for us=but someone has
posted him on the christmas condi-
ton" of this department Christmas
presents, $739.40; cash on hand, 10
cents.
Ad Wolgast is entitled to all the
sympathy he can get, of course, but
ns-and-then-some of us have
faced worse than either Freddie
Welsh or appendicitis with no reward
in sight.
Every male human has some ambi-
ton; our dream Is to get big enough
to spring Willis ]. Bailey for president
and make it stick
It took the Z. s. Senate II minutes
to complete its first days work. The
Z. S. Senate sheuld be careful about
passing any anti-union labor legisla-
ton. A union iaborer works eight
hours,-and earns something.
A Gentleman, according to accept
ed standard, is one who spends it
whether he has it or not
That lit takes two to make quar-
should not be printed in the same
book.
There is no excuse for a woman who
is not well Informed so long as she
has a party-line telephone.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
A JAcKsNIPE MORAL.

The fellows who have been disappointed
on account of the scarcity OF ducks In
the country owing to the scarcity OF wa
ter, think they are partly compensated
on their hunting trips by the presence
of few jacksnipe in spots where there
is a little moisture.
The jacksniDe was invented to occupy
the hunters time while waiting Tor a
flock of ducks to come in. Many a Zine
shot at a bunch of ducks has been lost
because a jacksnipe enticed the unwary
huntsman to take a shot at him just as
the real game birds were setting their
wings to sail down to the water. And
the chances are that If the fellow IS in
experienced in shooting the jacSsnipe he
will come out of the event with an empty
game bag for that long legged bird flies
like il was drunk
The snipe Is to zoology what the habit
ual wrangler is to humanity: while he Is
haggling about the price of pocket knife
in the hardware store the customer who
wanted a self binder becomes impatient
and walks out Of the store.-Ottawa Her
aid.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
esSt. Wapniac"

A person desiring to keep in mind
which members of the cabinet would
succeed to the executive Office may
remember the name "St. Wapniac."
Each letter suggests the secretary or
head of department next in succession
for president of the United States For
instance: State, treasury, war attor-
ney general postmaster general, navy.
interior, agriculture and commerce
and labor-Leslie's
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

Those Englishmen in. India. who
stutter or are afflicted with hair-lips
are in a sorry predicament these days
while the rulers of the British en-
pire are in their midsts. It is only
proper in India to refer to their
majesties as king Emperor and
Queen Empress
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

There can be no denying it. The
old battleship Maine has been about
the most expensive vessel of war that
this government ever possessed. It is
even going to take another S25OO00
to complete the raising of what is
left of her from the mud of Havana
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

That big merger of several Kansas
-four milling companies will be per
fectly safe in developing into a real
trust. The antitrust law of this
state appears to be a perfectly inef-
fective statute. This was made ap-
parent by the recent settlement of the
Standard Oil suits
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

John d. Rockefeller has resigned as
president and director of the Standard
Oil company of New Jersey. Maybe
he Is to become adviser-in-chief to the
thirty-three parts in which the oil trust
has been separated
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

Connecticut continues in the race for
all the honors as being the home of
strange humans One of its youthful
millionaires has decided to go to work
in a yarn mill. He prefers a prac-
teal education to any other kind
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

They're evidently doing their Christ
mas shopping early in Chicago. Five
hundred trained detectives have al
ready been assigned to the big depart
ment stores to keep a weather eye out
for shopIifterS
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

An envelope company of Hudson.
n. Y. has been awarded claim
against the federal government for
S1S5.3S1. The grandchildren of the
members of this company will be
playing in great luck if they get the
money on this award before they
reach old age
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

Frank Gotch should have little trou-
BILE increasing his bank roll in a ma
terial fashion. Three new aspirants
for the championship wrestling honors
are on his trail
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

They say that the most important
session of congress since the civil war
has just started on its way. It will be
safe to bet. at any rate, that it will
develop more talk than any other ses-
sion of congress in the history of the
nation. It comes on the eve of what
promises to be most exciting presi-
Dental campaign.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

Maybe the postal department will
be given a chance in the near future
to try out the parcels post. The ex-
press companies have not as strong a
representation in congress as they
used to have
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

In all probability a few more of
the major powers on earth will be
engaged in wars by the time Christmas
rolls around. the great festival whose
lesson is peace on earth, good will
toward men
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

Mayor Billiard is in good way to
get one of his expectations realized.
He doesn't expect to have his guber-
Material candidacy endorsed by the
State Temperance union.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

Condolences have probably been ex-
changed between the boy emperor of
China and the boy shah of Persia
There is no more pathetic a figure
than a boy ruler on a tottering throne.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
FULL, LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF TILE ASSOCIATED Press

Sam Gompers has now reached the
stage where he is explaining the pur-
port of several of the interviews he
has given out about the Mcnamara
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

Oshkosh, Wis, has shown desirable
spirit fo.- progress by adopting the
commission form of government Osh-
kosh can make another move in the
right direction by changing its name
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

Schools will be closed but one week
Tor this Christmas, but unless the
children are fed on shrimp salad, that
should be sufficient time in which to
recover.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06
FROM OTHER PENS
sETTLINc AMERIcAN PRoBI.EAIs

SETTLING AMERICAN PROBLEMS.
Probably no foreigner Is more friendly
to America than the present British ann
bassador. Mr.. Bryce, and certainly no one
has written and spoken more intelligent
Iy on American institutions than he. His
book on this country is the best ever
written by a foreigner; indeed. there are
few of our own people who have treated
the subject more fairly. He has much
to praise. but he does not hesitate to
criticise when criticism is deserved. and
to point out defects in our political sys-
tenn.
In speech before the New York
Chamber Of Commerce the other day Mr..
Bryce reopened the subject by calling at
tention to the changes and Improvements
he had noticed in this country since his
first visit, and he found these improve
ments most encouraging as showing our
great latent strength and common sense.
and how we have been able 10 cure what
ever evils presented themselves. This has
been noted before by other commentators
on America. IL has been noted for In
stance. that no country ever had more
difficult problem before IL than We had
in the slavery question. We may have
taken a long time to solve 1t sausfac-
tOrily and permanently, and unquesuon-
ably a great many mistakes were made,
many lives lost and much wealth de-
stroyed in our efforts, but the fact re-
mains that It was settled without the
dissolution of the Union or a complete
cataclysm. as everyone expected.
Tt is to the credit OF the American peo-
pie, Mr.. Bryce freely grants, that they
should have accomplished so much IN 80
short a time-that is. for what we have
done in lettering and improving in city
vernments-between his two visits TO
this country. If a foreigner can praise
the action Of the American people so
highly we have a right to boast that we
seem to be equal to any problem or diff
Guilty that may come before us.-New
Orleans Times-Democrat.
-ff---
DIVIDENDS ON INVESTMENT.
Chief Engineer Goethals' report to the
Isthmian canal commission shows "A live
ly appreciation of the great financial load
we have placed upon our shoulders In
constructing the waterway from the At
lantic to the Pacific.
In his opinion. the canal should do
more than pay its operating expenses. II
should be made to return to the pockets
of the taxpayers the capital invested
The opportunities which await US as ship
chandler to the whole world are quite as
staggering as the sum total Of the canals
cost
Colonel Goethals estimates that &c.
100000 a year would be a conservative
guess as to the coal business alone at
Panama, and he believes that fuel oil.
ship supplies OF all kinds. repairs, etc,
will amount to as much or more.
His suggestion Is that the government
should engage in these trades direct, pur-
chasing its supplies in the same manner
that supplies used in the construction OF
the canal now procured and selling
them at a fair profit.
This looks like a promising position Tor
Uncle Sam and one which his friends
should urge him 10 accept.-Horrisburg
Telegraph.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

The next seventeen days will be
spent in shopping and the remain
der Of the time in purchasing Christ
mas presents.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

Fact is. all this Christmas
shopping early talk has resulted in
no material deviation from time hon
ored custom.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

It took the Z. s. Senate II minutes
to complete its first days work. The
U. S. Senate should be careful about
passing any anti-union labor legisla-
ton. A union iaborer works eight
hours,-and earns something.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

LAS muh shoes is thin on thuh bot
tom and rubbers hurt muh corns, I
don't care uh cuss if it amt white
Chris mas Deacon Squash.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

A Gentleman, according to accept
ed standard, is one who spends II
whether he has it or not.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

Every male human has some ambi-
ton; our dream Is to get big enough
to spring Willis ]. Bailey for president
and make it stick.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-12-06

subbing for us-but someone has
posted him on the christmas condi-
ton" of this department. Christmas
presents, $739.4O; cash on hand, 10
cents.