The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1911-01-13

domicile. I had told Clara J. the two
danes were my aunts, but she was
still suspicious.
WELL" said Clara J., after pain
full pause, "why don't you go and well
come your Aunt Eliza?"
Aunt Lie would be the central fig
ure in a hot old time II she went
where wished her at that moment.
Somebody had tied both my feet to
the floor.
had visions of two excited females
lambasting me with umbrellas and
demanding their property back.
Completely at loss, sank into a
chair, feeling as bright and clipper
as poached egg.
felt that 1 belonged just about as
much as a knothole does in a barb
wire fence.
was on the pickle boat for sure
Sailing! Sailing! over the griddle,
me!
Scientists tell us that when a man
Is drowning every detail of his life
time passes before him in the fraction
of a second.
Well, that moving picture gag
was worked on me, without the aid of
a bathing suit
When l awoke Clara j. was saying,
POSSIBLY it would look better if l
went with you. Wait just moment,
till get this apron off-there! Come
along!"
l arose, and with delightful unanim-
ity the chair arose also, clinging like
a passionate porous plaster to my
pantaloons.
Mercy" exclaimed Clara j., that
nttle villain, Tacks, has been making
molasses candy"
1T strikes me-" said, trying hard
to be calm, that after making the
candy he decided to make a monkey
of me. Darn the blame thing, 1t
won't let go! l suppose I've got to be
a perpetual furniture mover the rest
Of my life!"
Just then Uncle Peter came bub-
bling into the kitchen, talking in short
explosions like bottle of vichy, and
l collaborated with the chair in a
squatty-yous!
1.-TWO women on the piazza" he
fixed: been talking to them an hour
and all l could get out Of them was
yes and no. Not bad looking, but
profoundly dumb"
"Hush!" said Clara j., glancing un-
Peter, as she raised warning finger
to her lips.
"Oh, they cant hear me-" the old
gentleman went on; John, you bet
ter go out and see them. They have
a card with your name written on it.
I'm no lady's man, anyhow"
DO they look like queens? Clara
J. asked. uneasily
well. they aren't exactly Cleopa-
tras, but not bad, not bad!" he CUR
gled.
us one older than the other?" Clara
j. cross-Questioned
might be mother and daughter"
Uncle Peter fancied
Its surely Bunch's bunch" 7
groaned inwardly, wondering how I'd
look galloping across the country with
a kitchen chair trailing along behind.
Uncle Peter, it must be John Hen
rvs aunt Eliza and cousin Julia He
expects them; don't you, John?" Clara
explained. 1--WE shall be ready to well
come them in just little WHILE"
Here she glanced cautiously at the
chair. I'm the mean time you show
them into the spare room and say that
John will see them very soon."
The old gentleman eyed me suspi-
ciously and retired without a word.
I'm afraid Uncle Peter found It hard
to take.
With the kind assistance OF the
carving knife Clara J. removed all Of
mo from the chair, with the exception
of few feet of trousers, and made
quick change of costume.
few minutes later I Joined her in
the parlor, where the scene was set
for my finish. I picked out a quiet
spot near the piano to die
Uncle Peter was enjoying every
minute of It.
He hurried of to escort the visitors
to the parlor and moment later my
own Aunt Martha hustled in.
Are they here?" she asked. breath
lessly.
How did you know they were COM
1ng?" inquired Clara J., in surprised
tones.
How did I know" exclaimed
,Auntie: why, sent them!"
Every hand was against me. The
parachute had failed to work and
was dropping on the rocks.
Family and far away I could hear
the ambulance coming at a gallon.
Sweet spirits of ammonia, but was
up against it!
1t was plainly evident to me that
Aunt Martha knew the awful re,a.
t1ves of Bunch, and that the old ladv
was camping on my trail. Yes: there
she stood, old Aunt Nemesis, elarine
at me from behind her spectacles.
decided to die without going ove,
near the piano.
Where are they?" I could hea,
Aunt Martha asking in the same tone
OF voice l was certain the Roman EN-
peror used when just about to frame
up finale for few Christians from
over the Tiber.
Uncle Peter has gone for them. We
put them in the spare room," Clara 7
answered.
What! In the spare room!" 9asnei
Aunt Martha, collapsing in a chat,
Just as Uncle Peter appeared in thu