davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-06-29
The Fourth at Paonia

Preparations for the proper cele-
bration OF the Fourth are progress
ing nicely. 4 programme has been
arranged witch is n guaranty that
those who come here on that day
will not be disappointed.
You will have a chance to see two
of the most interesting ball games
ever played in this valley. One be-
tween the business men of Hotchkiss
and Pnonia and one between Pa
onia's first team and the team from
Whitewater. Be sure and get a seat
in the new grand stand and enjoy
these games. Also third game will
be played by Emry's Tigers and a
visiting team; In this game you will
witness some playing that will GER
tainly make you sit up and yell.
The street sports, races, etc. will
all be good.
Do not fail to see those ladies drive
nails: no doubt much practice will
be Instituted for this feature between
now and the fourth. All kinds of
kitchen devices will grace many
homes as n result of this practice.
Then that Merry-go round. Obi
Myl IL we could all be boys and girls
again. Give the youngster some
dimes that he may enjoy the merry
whirl. and after you have just worn
yourself out go to the Gayety and
,aa tb bnsn snaciul fiirns and yA,, W. fll
not know that you was ever tired.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-06-29
County Y. M. c. A. Notes

One third of the bn sebalI series
have been played with Paonia in the
lead Delta and Hotchkiss both hay-
ing lost and won "A game and Cedar.
edge lost two close ones. the race will
be close as any one of the teamsare
capable Of winning. The contest Will
be all the more spirited now since C.
ID. Allen the Jeweler In Delta has put
up a fine engraved cup for the winn-
ing team.
Montrose Y. NJ. C. \. has two bali
teams In action and game with the
Delta boys will be arranged suon,
Printed matter concerning the
camp is out and every boy who cares
to go should fill out one of applica-
ton blanks and mail to the commit
tee at once within the SI.5O enroll
ment fee the bal to be paid at camp.
The summer camp will be an ed
ucational bee hive wherey very thing
done has a motive, IL Will not be a
place to kill time, but where the boy
and adult leader play together in
real constructive character forming
activities.
Seven hundred of the $500 employed
officers OF the Y. NJ. C. A. met at Col
umbus, Ohio, In solid conference for
six days discussing this theme
Training for leadership in Christian
services
The Y. NJ. c. A. Secretary, OF Mon
trose. an accomplished MUSICIAN, will
be one of the leaders at our summer
camp. boys who play should brios
their Instruments and help make up
the camp, orchestra.
A letter from DIR. Lory of the State
Agriculture College sends encourage
to the potato growers, and pledges
himself to do all in his power to
make their contest success.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-06-29
PAONIA COLORADO. Thursday JUNE 70. 1911
Proclamation
Known All Men by these Presents:

Known All Men by these Presents:
Witnesseth: That it being COM
mon knowledge throughout the land
that the Western Slope fruit district
OF the commonwealth of Colorado is
the richest and heaviest producing
fruit area for it's acres in these United
States,
Therefore, In order to settle for all
time before the eyes of the world, the
supremacy of the Delta County fruit
district Of the Western Slope. the un-
dersigned organization, being an as
sociation OF the commercial and fl
nancial interests of the said Delta
County. Colorado, does hereby
CHALLENGE-any county in these
United States, to equal Its record of
shipment of deciduous fruits pro-
duced during the season of A. ID. 1911.
And In further evidence of it's good
intents and purposes in the issuance
OF the said challenge, there has been
placed on deposit In the Delta Ma
tional Bank of Delta. Delta County.
Colorado. the sum OF $4,000 in gold
as forfeit to be paid to the county
meeting the conditions OF the said
challenge. Any county desiring to
compete shall post a like forfeit, the
fund to be used by the American Ap-
pie Con yress in the purchase Of u
troll by, or trophies. and awarding
prizes To the contestants.
That Delta County and all other
counties taking part In this contest,
shall prepare and submit it's evidence
OF shipments OF deciduous fruits for
the season OF 1911, consisting OF
freight and express receipts and way
bills and other admissible evidence.
to a committee OF three to be ap-
pointed by the executive committee
of the American Apple Congress with
Offices at 245 Equitable building.
Denver. Colorado.
In consideration OF the fact that
the American Apple Show is to be
held at the Denver auditorium on
November 20-25. IL Is hoped that all
counties will take notice and be pre-
pared with their contesting evidence
In good season, I'm order that said
decision may he rendered on or about
the dates OF said Apple Show.
With malice towards none and best
wishes To all counties desirous OF
meeting our record In competition.
we have caused our corporate name
to he signed by our president. and
the above covenants to lie attested
by our secretary this 18th day of
June A ID. 1911
Attest: The Delta County Business
Mems Association-Roy l.. Emry,
President: Alice /. Kinsley. Secretary.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-06-29
Council Proceedings
Paonia Colo. June 20, 1911.

Pdonia Colo. June 20, 1911.
Council met in regular session on
the above date with Mayor Wootton
in the chair.
On roll call trustees Vanderbeck.
Morgan, Hufty, Emry and DeNYoody
responded.
Minutes OF the last regular meet
ing and the two adjourned meetings
were read and approved as read cor
rected.
The petition OF Clyde Burkhart for
license to conduct shooting gal
lery and dolI-rack on lot %. block 10
was read and on motion duly sec.
onded ordered granted with the Ii
cense fixed at 81 80 per month pay.
able in advance.
1t was moved and seconded that
the petition of J. F. Wakefield to
operate his pool-room for another
three months be granted.
Petition presented by Chas. Old
and W. J. Blatner relative the erec-
tion OF lunch booth on Grande Ave.
were on motion duly seconded laid
on the table.
1t was moved and seconded that
the Town promise to install master
meter on the. Hammond pipeline pro-
viding that they form company
and each put on an individual meter
and the rates be based as the town
sees fit upon the reading of the
master meter or on the Individual
meters. On roll call the motion was
carried.
An ordinance entitled IAN Ordi.
nance Amending Section of an Or
dinance Entitled An ordinance Ii.
censing and Regulating Pool Halls
and Billiard Halls. and the Game of
Pool and billiards, was read and II
was moved and seconded that IL be
adopted and printed. On roll call
motion carried.
Fred q. Emry was. by unamimo Gus
vote, appointed to the Office of Mayor
Prot
Ii was moved and seconded that
the Ordinance Committee be instruct
ed to present to the Council Ordi-
nance- concerning fire limits and
regulations to prevent fire, and the
creating "A fire dept. such as the
Rocky Mountain Fire Underwriters
suggest.
1t was moved and seconded that
the Coop Tel. be permitted to in
stall a phone In the marshall- home,
he TO pay - % per year and the
Town $500.
1t was moved aud seconded that
the resignation of DR.. Catterson as
health officer he accepted To take ef-
feet July 8. 1911.
Council adjourned until regular
meeting night.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-06-29
NOTICE

On July 4th The Miller Nero. T. O..
Rusho, Pavnia Mere, kindell Nero,
Emry Shoe and Clothing Company,
Dewoody x Elder, Paonia Meat
Market. Peoples Meat Market, VIII all
close at . n. m. so do your trading
on Monday July Sd, all day until as
late as you all wish tc trade. We'll
come to our city on July 4th.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-06-29
Clerks vs. Proprietors

The Ball Game yesterday between
the Clerks and Proprietors was well
attended and was very good
game resulting in victory for the
Proprietors by n score OF l3 to s.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-06-29
FOURTH OF JULY
Complete Program Of Our Big
Celebration. Addresses
at Our New Park

$3.50 a. m. Band Concert on Street.
800 a. IN. Auto parade, from depot
to City Park. 100 10. sack
sugar for best decorated
auto.
$3.50 u. IN. Address OF Welcome at
Park, Mayor Wootton.
Address Acceptance of
Mathews Park" NJ. d.
Vincent.
l0:O0 IN Base Ball game. Paonia
Business Men VS.. Hotch-
kiss Business Men. Prize,
$I5 silver cup given by
Hotchkiss.
1900 IN. Picnic dinner. CITY Park.
to2p m Amusements, City Park.
200 p. IN. Base Ball game. Paonia
vs.. Whitewater.
400 p. IN. STREET SPORTS:
100 yd. Hub and Hub Hose race,
$25. Hotchkiss and Paonia.
Boot and Shoe Race BOYS under
49, First, 10 Gayety tickets: Second,
5 Gayety tickets. Homer French.
100 Yard Foot Race. Free for All,
Prizes. p. G. CuPtis-lst, $500 fob;
End, $3.50 cum buttons.
Sack Race, Free for All. First. Safe.
ty Razor: Second, Pocket knife.
Cracker Race. (Run 50 yds. eat 3
crackers and whistle.) Free for all,
First, Kodak; Second. Pocket book,
T. II. Dunbar.
Potato Race. Free for all. First.
$l.5o in trade; Second, 75c in trade,
Guy Patterson.
Fat Mans Race. 80 yds. Free for
all. First. Premium Ham: second. i.
Pail Lard. Phil Eisenkramsr.
Ladies' Nail Driving Contest. First
Hand painted china; Second. Bottle
perfume, ii. Z. Welborn.
Wagon Wheel Race. Free for all.
First $3.50 in trade; Second. sI.O0 in
trade. Dewoody and Elder.
Three Legged Race. Free for all,
First. $500 In trade; Second. Sl.oO in
trade. Conner Meat Market.
Boys Pick Up Race, Under Is. First
Pair Shoes: Second, Pocket knife.
Miller Nero. Co.
Wheel Barrow Race Ladies'. First
- 90 in trade; Second. sI.OO In trade,
Grand Avenue Bakery.
Hurdle Race. Free for all. First
Crawford oxfords; Second. Box Hole
proof Hose. Paouia Mere. Co.
Girls Foot Race, Under IL. First.
Hand painted china; Second Girls
Belt. kindall Mere. Co.
Couple married in front OF store.
$1,000 credit on HooSier Cabinet. In
dependent Furniture Co.
Relay Races, Creased Pole Climb
ing. etc.
Burro Race BOYS under lG.) First.
Boys suit; Second. Boys hat. Emry
Shoe x Clothing Co.
$50 y. III. House RACES. Matthew'S
mile Dash. S25.
y mile Saddle Horses. Heavy sad
iles. SIS.
Pony Race. $40.
200 p. m. Bucking Broncho contest,
So prize.
80 p. IN. Band Concerts. Hotchkiss
and Paonia bands.
500 p. IN. Mask Carnival.
zoo p. IN. Dance at City Park and
at |. o. o. +. Hall.
NO ENTRANCE FEE. All events
open to every body.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-06-29

Mrs. A. j. Castell and children left
the first of the week for Pueblo, at
which place they will visit several
weeks with Mrs. Castell's mother,
Mrs, Russell.
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

Klaus he eets funny. He don't like forks
except to hold down things with, but
he can get moar on his nife at one
time than 1 can get on my fork, and
it never falls off like 1t does off my
fork Gather. He must be a pritty smart
man to do that bekaus I tried it once
and I nocked the nife agenst my frunt
teeth and everything foo all ovir and
had to leave the tabil.
All Depends
When Pa wunts some moar Of eny-
thing he just ses. Lily, give me sum
potatis If he wunts potatis, or Lily,
give me sum beens, if he wunts beens.
1t all depends on what he wunts. But
Uncle John Jest looks around the tabil
at what he wunts and don't say eny-
thing at all. And aftir a vile Ma
will say, have enything moar, John?
And Unkle John will say, 1 don't be-
leeve so. Lily, and Jest keap looking
at the potatis if he wunts potatis and
the beens If he wunts beens.
And then Ma will say, bettir have
sum potatis, John, or bettir have sum
beens, John. awl depending on what
he is looking at. and Unkle John will
say, well, maybe, and keep his plate
held out until Ma puts the spoon down
agen and he sees no moar is koming.
1 don't think l wood like to be that
sinful, bekaus 1t is a waist of time.
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
Reddy Smith on
The Lost Ring

Did yu ever notice dat tall. we'll
built. white-haired Teller wild de pleas
ant face dat often sits on de bench
by de stature?
He's been married bout thirty-seven
years. an jes as happy an lovin' to-
ward his wife es tho dey wus jes mar
ried.
Wun time he bought her uh diamond
ring, Jimmie. an paid uh awful lot fur
it-mor'n you an mes ever seen in uh
bunch. Dey wus leavtn' dat night fur
de south, an after dey gifts on de train
she goes tn uh room tn wash hur hands.
She hadn't come back tn hur husban'
morn five minutes when he notices de
ring amt on hur han. Where's de
ring, dear?' he SEE.
Why, mus hav' left 1t in de wash
room, Carroll" an she hurries back tn
git it, but it wus gone. She Gums back
an tells hur husban' an dey search all
over, but dey can't find de ring no
where.
Bout uh week later he tells de story
tn uh frien'. Didn't yu scold hur?'
asked de frien'.
Nav" SEE he, wild uh smile, course
not. /De little gurl suffered 'nough as
1t wus, an dere wus no use in me
maxim things worse by scoldin' hur."
OATS de way he is all de time, Jim
mie. But, say, wouldn't dis be a great
wurld II all men wus like dat?
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
Loretta's Looking Glass

a MAN with a name suggesting a
n washstand, Euwer, has written a
most diverting book about cats.
He particularly remarks that there are
many kinds. And he refers to Lady
Cats. But he confines his descriptions
to the feline family. I am enthusiast
tically ready to throw all the linguistic
old shoes and soap dishes can collect
at feminine cat.
Like the poet, am dizzy with a Pile
thora Of material. But this one Lady
Cat stands out above the scratchy mass.
She dominates by her superabundance
Of cattishness. I propose to revert to
an old childs trick and Skin the cat"
Splitting and Scratching
She had done her splitting and scratch
ing all afternoon at a reception. l
have always heard that the scratch Of
a cat is poison. I happened to move
toward the door Just in her wake, and
saw the old saying verified. Women
smiled to her face and glowered al
they felt the venom of her remarks
shoot through them.
Selling the host with playful insist
ence, she pulled him to semi-seclusion
in the hall. They whispered; and she
The Washington times., 1911-06-08

John will be with US for dinner tonite,
Pop, sed ma at brekfust this morn
ing, meening Unkle John.
l mite of nown, ma sed. l sed When
I berned my finger frying yure chop
this morning that trubbles never come
singley.
Pop and ma are never eny too pleezed
when Cnkle John comes to dinner 10
gudge by thare expreshuns. but 1 like
him all rite pritty well. ony he wants
TO kiss me every time and his Ease is
always like a pin cushin. 1 am not
stuck on kissing people anyhow, and
when thare Ease is like pin cushln
wood mulch rathur jest say huIlo.
Hullo, Gorge, Unkle John sed to pop,
holding out his hand and smiling so
Good see his gold teeth plane as eny-
thing.
Ma Just Smiled
Hullo, sed Pop, but he dident seem
half as pleezed as Unkle John did. altho
he is Unkle Johns brother just as
much as Unkle John is his brother. Then
Unkle John sed to Ma, hullo LILY, and
Ma lest smiled like she does when
Mrs. Perkins COS. by the window. Ma
ses Mrs. Perkins Is a cat, and l guess
that must be the way you smile at
cats, but 1 never herd her say Unkle
John was a cat.
like to watch Unkle John eat. be-
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
SHE HOLDS IT UP TO
A LADY CAT

out and sent it to him. And HE had
had IT put in!'
She smirked and sneezed with delight.
She knew that she was establishing a
reputation for her friends husband that
was not particularly fattering. She
knew. too, that It was not deserved.
A Bucket of Hot Tar
She ought to. have had a liberal
bucket Of hot tar emptied over her.
She had just eaten Of the Ice cream
roses Of her hostess and. without a
qualm of conscience. without a mo-
ment's hesitation because of the viola
ton of courtesy, she scratched a long,
horrible, clawy wound into the host.
And she dug a hideous. unforgivable
cut into the pride Of the wife. Her
friend, mind you!
I profoundly hope-and so did the
others who heard her-that along with
the cat qualities Of treachery and mean
ness generally, she has also the nine
lives. For the malicious evil of each
one may she be awarded a particular
hell Nine very hot ones! Nobody but
the governor Of the regions named
could ever beat her at her own wicked
devices. May he beat her HARDI
The Washington times., 1911-06-08

laughed, teasing him. Then she rushed
toward the door and rejoined the group
of the rest Of us departing.
She pretends to be friend to the
wife Of the man she had whispered
with But she no sooner landed with
a leap in the midst Of US than she be-
gan to laugh.
"Oh! that's too funny
Nobody asked what. There\were sew
eral ladies in the company who hated
cats as we'll as they knew their ways.
But do you think she minded that?
No, indeed She just bumped up her
back and purred right on.
He was down at the beach when /
was. And he was just wild about
pretty widow. Said she was the prettiest
woman there. 1 saw her picture IN the
paper a few days later, and / cut 1t
The Washington times., 1911-06-08

Professor R. A. Dium and his me-
chanicaI man Marevellus' sure did
put over a three-time winner last
night, didn't they. kid?' asked the
stage doorkeeper of the stage-struck
youth II was watchin' the audience
from the wings when that act was
on. and take it from me, l never saw
so many dropped Jaws in all my life.
Say. when he picked that dummy
out of the box, tinkered with it, and
then wound 1t up, I saw the wise
guys in the first few rows begin to
litter.
He Showed EN-
But when the dummy rose up
without assistance and began to walk
and dance, a little as though he had
the rheumatism, why they-the folks
down front, l mean-just rose up on
their hind legs and howled. 1t was
one brand new act. Folks have seen
the talking dolls and things like that
ever since Noah was a boy, but this
was new-laid novelty. Say! that
dummy did everything just like a
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
THE DOORKEEPER


human being, and when the professor
opened the dums mouth and took out
a cog maxim him speechless-say!
that gave class to the act.
Most everybody thought that the
act would turn out like all similar ones,
and at the end a dummy would turn a
double somersault and say April fool.
and run off the stage.
What Did Happen
But instead of that the dunn stopped
right in the mludle of the dance and
there was nothin' dom. The prof tin
kered with him and tried 10 make him
go, but the thing collapsed and had to
be carried off the stage. That was the
finishing touch
why didn't the prof and the au-
tomaton appear at the matinee this
afternoon?' asked the stage-struck
youth
"Aw." said the S. D. K, 'Marvellus
got in with a bunch after the show
last night, and the supposition is that
he got stewed. Anyway, he hasn't
showed up yet"
The Washington times., 1911-06-08

I put the errand boy on the trail and
he brings back the gladstone news that
it's the cold cashiers brother Safe
again.
Speaking Of graduations, are you
graduated? Honest, I used to wish
could troop along with the sweet girl
graduate and the cunning graduated
boy, but after thinking it over I'm glad
I'm not in class with the thermoms-
tiers and medicine glasses.
Why, every thermometer and medi-
cine glass that expects to do its duty
has to be graduated, you know. So do
hand rules. Please, mister, don't
throw it, l won't do il again! I guess
I'm Just sore because I'm a bo',ehead.
The Washington times., 1911-06-08

the air The husband failed to re-
appear.
"Percivale," said the wife, to her
oldest son, go down and give the
lemon aid. The cook must be fired"
Resolutely the oldest son departed.
Again was the air smitten by the rat
tie of pans and the clatter of dishes.
The oldest son failed to reappear.
Father" said the wife. go below
and help your son and grandson fire
the cook"
Once more the rattle of p. and the
clatter of d. smote the a. The grand
father failed to reappear.
The wife was now alone. Languidly
she descended the stairs. Again the
r of pans and the c. OF dishes. This
suspense is awful. II the wife fails
TO reappear there will be nothing left
to write about.
The wife fails to reappear.
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
HOW 1T WORKS

Hsu Ping-Cheu, the popular Chinese
consul at San Francisco, discussed at
recent dinner his country's customs.
There is one CUSTOM" said a young
girl, that can't understand-and that
is the Chinese custom of committing
suicide by eating gold leaf I can't
how gold leaf can kill"
THE partaker, no doubt" smiled the
consul, "succumbs from a consciousness
of inward gilt" -s
The Washington times., 1911-06-08


is every beauty The
first lasts till he the lady that he intends make happy
for life then it's emoded along lines dependn the particular
girls beauty after that back again
the first ideal with variations.
Jack Ryan illustrates 1t
young fellow took Mae Williams for
for little talk had with him before
he Mae.
Name O those soulful looks that won't rub
Name, girl marry has ideal OF
fem nine beauty complexion like
peaches my ideal Name with straight
with plenty soul EN- And she be slender
and wllowy, Name he
Well trduced Mae, and fell in love
hard feminine beauty mthereens
got him the ideal subject again. just curiosity and goodness
Belle, what diff renee! 49,
Name" says, with that soulful look ony do
O feminine beauty? blue the sky
only million times expression short little turned
freckes
plump without ben stout None slender girls for
mine" =,
Well YOU know Mae Belle you know that that last ideal O
lacks would sufficient locate her she lost Here's
hopin' he keeps it
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
IN THE GULCH
The yisitor-Don't YOU pIa

The Visitor-Don't you play baseball
here?
The Cowboy-No. We had to give II
up. There wasn't excitement enough to
go around.
The visitor-why, the game is full of
excitement.
The Cowboy-Yep. But one man gets
more than his share. After the first
days scrap everybody wanted to be
umpire.
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
Our Grocery Clerk
Says Graduation?

heard Juliet ask the boss yesterday
If she could have the day of to attend
her somebody's graduation exercises.
I didn't catch the exact specifications
of the party, and. of course, had a
sour apple bunch it was a sweetheart.
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
Both Concerned Teeth

whats the noise?" asked the visitor
in the apartment house.
Probably some one in the dentists
apartments on the floor below getting
a tooth out
But this seemed to come from the
floor above"
"Ah! then it's probably the Popleys'
baby getting a tooth in
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
Rafting Pans; Or,
The Whole Family

The cook must be discharged" said
the wife. and you must discharge
her.
With firm tread the husband left the
room. A few moments later the rattle
Of pans and the clatter Of dishes smote
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
These Will Stick
Like Fly-Paper
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY

From Harrod's Catalogue: The auto
matte stamp machine is invaluable for
country houses. Guests can obtain
their own stamps, without application
to host or hostess, by inserting penny
in slot. Faulty coins returned"
This is q blow. Hitherto we have
always put our bad money by for the
week ends-Punch.
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
WHEN NOAH WAS A BOY

His mother used to complain about
the quality of the milk that the milk
man was furnishing the family. So
she bought a COW, but even then she
said the milk had woody taste as
though 1t had been kept in an old re-
frigerator with a defective lining.
The Washington times., 1911-06-08
lime SaYinP-atI Least

Mother (to little girl with swollen
face)-But, Mabel, you should be brave
and have your tooth taken out.
Little Brother-Yes, l should, Mabel:
it will be one less for you to clean in
the morning.