davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
BILLS SPRING DIREE
2'sdi MARSH T.

horray 1 founded that buterfli
2da he lit on our bakporch. i
went barefoot al da but you bet it
got awful kold before night.
fatti & me hev KUN kon-
kluzion that we don't want gan in
our team. We wuz plain injun 2da
& gan got sore cuz we wuddnt let
him be the chief. he said he
wuddnt pla in our TEEN if he
cuddnt be injun chief, so we fired
him out of the TEEN.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

home. Finally he was appointed
captain of the Randolph, the first
United States frigate ever
launched. After capturing a lot
of prizes he had the hardihood to
tackle the British ship Yarmouth,
with twice as many guns, and he
and his crew of 80 fought the
bigger boat. Still the Randolph
blew up and sank with all her
men,
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Since water magnifies. anyone
can make a magnifying glass on a
moments notice if they just know
how; and here's how:
Bend a small wire or the stem
of a leaf to form loop not larg-
er than a drop of water. Put a
drop of clear water in the loop,
and your miscroscope is complete.
It's a handy little device for those
studying botany.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
The Quality of Horse Sense

Banker Robin snguay suggestive robbed the deposit
submitted
assets to the inspection of dozen alienst and received their
unanimous verdict incompetent"
didn't with the Just
shamming,'
II admire horse sense" said the judge
Crocketts
fessed that it all grand-stand play
like blow the professional aiens
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Tolls VI naval
fame. Nick had
run away from
home at thirteen
and was a real
Robinson CRU
soc on a desert
island for two
months. That is
the longest he
ever was on
land at one time
after he left
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

many kings and queens in the
vegetable world. A list of the
wonderful new fruits, nuts, vege-
tables, grains and flowers that
Burbank has turned out from his
California ranch would make your
eyes stick out. Burbank is sixty
two years old today.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

WlZdFuS lludHs
cial wizards
the kind that
make two dol
lars grow where
only 80 cents
grew before. But
they are all go
ing to be forgot
ten some day
and the real,
certified, govern
ment inspected,
SO per cent pure
wizard will get
the recognition
due him.
The wizard Is
Luther Burbank,
the father of
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
This One Would Tickle Ma

Tommys mother had made him of shovel
him baby
Presently of anguish
mother flying upstairs.
goodness sakes Tommy happened baby
said she
There naughty fly biting him the the
killed it with the shovel" the
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
Society Woman Gone Right

Mrs H. p Belmont converting her 2O0acre farm Long
They will be
taught
sell it direct
humane, sensible Belmont who is using her
me influence up fowwomen by giving them
the ballot by them the economic
independence
right it pleasure to take
flats 10
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
Not Very Wealthy.

Is he very rich?"
well, don't think they had to
call out the mounted police when
his daughter was married. De
troit Free Press.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
That Man Brandeis

The railroad their D.
stockholders rather the public
a
Brandeis nvigoating tonic Efficiency blown in the
S disposed.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
Why Don't They Eat Cake?

20 insanity in York 104
cent while population has only 40 cent.
Albert Warren Ferris, the commits
the remedy generations ito give children
play sleeping with
day and night
isn't that like telling the bradless
sanitary to
solved. Who's to pay?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Everybody in Pierce county reads this column short
interest and without
malice Write about anything or any
wish, have malice your motive Many
printed because they too long Keep EN-
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

The trolley wagon had pulled
up under the trolley wires and
mike had climbed up to do a re-
pairing job on the high platform.
In the meantime the horses
hitched to the repair wagon were
annoyed by flies. They became a.
little FESTIVE.
whoa, thar, you -" below
ed Mike, from his lofty perch. And
then to show them that he meant
it he threw his pliers at the
horses.
THE END.
AS they padded along in brook
She said family, why, Algernon,
look
In the oak, / declare,
/ see mistletoe there!"
And the crew fished them out with
a hook.
Ladies' Home Journal.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
BY JAMES t. POWERS


Night.
have been making the public laugh at little trifes for
long this first time that
editor. have editors who
funny but stopped long enough convince them
wouldn't have believed it,
play have number of real neat jokesand
they popular because grand
when he read them in
Almanac. That is barking back
jokes n Times all mne-but 1 o. X.
them. l guess editor has do, isn't it?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
OUR DAILY BIRTH
DAY PARTY.

The Uncle Sam States of Amer
lea have produced a number of
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
TODAY IN HISTORY

March 7, 1777, Capt. Nicholas
wrote his name on the
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
FROM "HAVANA"

Powers describing his affinity
And is she fat? Well, say, you
can't walk around her without get
ting tired out. She doesn't buy a
thing ready made except a hand
kerchief.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

The AK, the pen, the shovel are
best welded by men with good di-
gestion, and good digestion doesn't
abide with fast living.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

I'm rather useful round the church Sunday;
1 sing in the choir and pass the plate
But at a meeting of the deacons Monday,
The things they said, o, will not relate!
They said couldn't pass the plate no longer
Now suspicion rests upon my honored name
And just to make the degradation stronger,
For the church's debt they say am to blame!
Chorus:
o, Polly love- the church is in debt!
How pull it out? o, tell me that!
(The Bird)
Well, If the debt is very great
one-armed man should pass the plate.
(Powers)
Now how did the bird know that?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

When Johnny Counted.
Mother--Johnny Jones counts
ten before he fights.
Tommy-Yep; and he doesn't
count for anything after it.-New
York Sun.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Powers (when an actor bumps
into him )-Hi-cut that out.
Don't run into me-I'm not sa-
loon.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

TODAY'S BEST SHORT ONE
Pretty Girl-How many
men work on your yacht?
Bos'n Nix Games T.
Powers)-Oh, about half of
them, l guess.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Powers-Hi say, dearie, you
don't happen to know glass of
beer that wants a good home, do
you?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Let's see, a lie told in one min
ute takes 20 years to overtake.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Powers-I'm not sure this stuff
is funny. The author says SO and
we have to pay him for it-so !
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

SUFFOLK, Eng. is worrying because her rats mig
When plague feas annoy rats, they move
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Drop of Water as a Magnifier.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
"STRICTLY FRESH"

Il have been voting for you for
20 years." said Farmer Corntossel.
such loyalty" replied the poll
tician, touches me-"
faint loyalty. It's jes' a bad
habit. Washington Star.
Sunday School Teacher-John-
ny, what can you tell me about
Ham?
Little Johnny-Nothin', teach
er; I'm vegetarian.
MET your wife lately?"
mo, but | see by the society pa
pers that she will be at home twice
this month. louisville Courier.
Journal.
THEN 1T HAPPENED
Our Daily Discontinued Story.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

~ 49, s@%ze%z<MHXme

be of ut-for-tat with
Chnaman all round You the English were
to habit
middle of the 18TH century,
for a gerich-quck method Next John
to John Bulls rst
peeVsh
and poor Chinaman is held for ball.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
OBSERVATIONS
A president using federal patronage? Horrors

A president using federal patronage? Horrors
reciprocity a whoopng good exhi-
biton hanging, if nothing
ter by Ohio wife, We'd been wondering Lucky"
overlook Ohio
CHICAG0S
didate Marys posters
How that dear hog the enjoyable in
WONDER Cleveland boycott She
daily billion doodle bugs drinking
SUFFOLK because mi
When
FRoHMAN that women make 20 the Y.
theatergoing public
rich for our blood Wen know whods to blame
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
James T. Powers, Comedian, Conducts
Times Smile Department Today
JOSH WISE
SAYS:

JOSH WISE
SAYS:
"The BeeIeys-
port Argus does
not warn anna
teur poets not
ter write on
both side o. tn
paper. Ii e C u q
when they do it's
too good an ex-
cuse not t Q r
print tn pOmes."
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Did you know that when your
meerschaum pipe was first mined
it was so soft that it made gooc
soap?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Asbestos was first used by thu
ancient Romans, who made crema
tion robes from it.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
HOW DID THE BIRD KNOW THAT?

(This o song James
song sung
in the third of "Havana.')
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

NO WONDER Cleveland could start that boycott
daily consumes six billion doodle bugs in her drinking
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
ON THE SAFE SIDE

ON THE SAFE SIDE
al called a prize fighter a liar
today"
Gee whiZz! What did he do?"
81 don't know hung up the
receiver.-Toledo Blade.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
EOOIiSIlneSS.

When at chatting dish party
everything burns in the chafing
dish, go to a regular restaurant.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
WHOLESALE PRICES
ua-A.ka.ur

Cows, sac; steer beef, 6h@7c;
wethers. h@5c; lambs, 6@6c;
ewes, 5@4hc; hogs, S@9Ac; heif-
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

A flea, a common flea, can hold
Iup traffic on a busy street-when
1.-THE dog on which the flea lives
stops to scratch, and lady is lead
ing the dog.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07
Poultry

Turkeys. 23@25c; ducks. live, $50
zoe; hens, live, 10000; springs, IS
q20c; squads, live. s2.50Q3 doz;
dressed, s3@3.5e.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Artichokes, 81 doz.; beans. wax. 80
lb.; green, SC lb.; bell peppers, 30c.
$2.15 ESQ; Chill peppers, 12c; to-
matoes, So crate: cucumbers, $3.50
rots, new, zoe doz.; bunch. $f@2 SIX;
beets, new, zoe doz.. per sack s1.25:
turnips, $1.25 SIX, zoe dozen; pota-
toes, White Rivers, $1,000; garlic.
&c; radishes, soc doz.; red peppers.
parsley, 25c doz.: pumpkins, &c h.;
lettuce. $3.50 per crate; spinach, Go
lb.; squash. 2@2Ac: sprouts, Sc:
sweet potatoes, $4Q5; green onions
zoe doZ.
Butter and Eggs.
BUTTER-Washing 26Q33c.
EGGS-Washington ranch cam
died 22c
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

onA~
RMG&

The Old Man.
II guess my father must have
been a pretty bad boy" said Kid
|Smithers.
"Why?" inquired Kid Jones.
"'Cause he knows just what
Questions to ask when he wants to
know what I've been doing"
Poetry and dollars Who
dared mention poetry and dollars
in the same breath?
Are flirting girls foolish girls?
Raising babies costs money.
but no baby ever cost half as much
as he is worth.
Asbestos was first used by the
lancient Romans, who made crema-
ton robes from it.
Did you know that when your
lmeerschaum pipe was first mined
lit was SO soft that it made good
lsoap?
A flea, a common flea, can hold
Iup traffic on busy street-when
1.-THE dog on which the flea lives
stops to scratch, and lady is lead
ing the dog.
FoOIishneSS.
Conductor to passenger: we
ran over a cat down the line.
Passenger: Was the cat on the
line?
Conductor: Why, of course
not. We chased up an alley after
her.
When at a chatting dish party
Everything burns in the chafing
dish, go to a regular restaurant.
There was a girl
Who had a curl
That caught man
Fen as he ran.
The ak, the pen, the shovel are
best welded by men with good di-
|gestion, and good digestion doesn't
abide with fast living.
Let's see, lie told in one min
ute takes 20 years to overtake.
-------------
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Raising babies costs money
But no baby ever cost half as much
as he is worth.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

There was a girl
Who had a curl
That caught a man
Fen as he ran.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

guess it must be.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Are flirting girls foolish girls?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

Poetry and dollars Who
dared mention poetry and dollars
in the same breath?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1911-03-07

HANG to reciprocity, Mr.. Taft! 1t is a whoopir
bition of hanging, if nothing else.
Bisbee daily review., 1911-11-01
MILITIA LAW OF
 THE NEW STATE
Board Appointed by Attorney General lanSon 10
 Draft One

board has Doel appointed by Ad- iu;ant General l4amsoR for the pur- rose Of drawing up a state militia law. It is planned by the militia of- ncers of the territory to have a state militia. or branch of the national guard" that win be an honor to the new ato in EiIi.r-rs and in eNcoil- enee of military standards As shown in the Camp Perry national shoot. Ari. zona Is near the head of the list in marsmanship eXoelling a number of states which have double and three times the number of militiamen.
 The board that has been appointed by Adjutant General r. N. I.amson is composed of Major E. P Grinstead Captain Earl Hin and Captain Mil session in Phoenix It will frame g flaw that will conform to the re- quirements Of the national law and submit it to the first state legisla. ture for it's passage.
 With the improvements in the mili- tia system it is expected that several new companies will be organized and Bisbee being the largest city in the territory without a military company. it is not unlikely that this city will form company for the new state militia. One Of the important changes in the new law will be that the power To call out the militia will be taken out of the hands of the mayors, the sheriffs and other such persons. Many hold that such power should be vested in the superior court judges and then only when the governor Of the state is beyond communication. The new code will contain this provision.
 Capt SeeIey. of Tucson. Is a strong union man and he was named a mem- Der of the board in order that a code to labor organizations might be drawn.
Bisbee daily review., 1911-11-01
A STEP FORWARD

One of the many constitutional amendments dratified last week by the people of California, will be heart fly approved by sensible people every where lt was intended to remove technical obstruction to the admin istration of criminal justice of which convicted defendants have long taken undue advantage The amendment provided that mo judgement shall be set aside or a new trial granted in a criminal case on account of i'm proper direction of the jury or the ad- mission or rejection Of evidence unless the court shall be convinced that the error has resulted in a miscarriage of justice
 American practice has always CT. red on the side Of liberality to the ac- cuseG. It has been less concerned about securing exact justice than about protecting the prisoner at ev- cry possible point and augmenting the burden of proof thrown upon the prosecuting authorities. It has per mitted legal devices to be introduced such as the multiplication Of appeals and the granting of certificates of reasonable doubt, through which de iendants Of means are enabled to staye of the execution of a jury's verdict and in many cases to annu! it. Gross abuses have resulted from the latitude thus allowed to defend ants, and the public is satisfied it is high time 10 lay more stress Of its own rights There are records ot cases in which verdicts have been set aside by higher courts because of trifling errors of spelling or trans cription in an indictment. and Califor- mia has taken a step in the right di- rection in depriving the courts of the power 10 annul the decision of a jury which could in no way have been affected by the technical errors com piained Of: it would be we'll if an the states should tighten up their administration Of the criminal law and sop giving the defendant the whip hand in every court Of jus tice.-New York Tribune.
Bisbee daily review., 1911-11-01
HOW HE LODGED THE ISSUE
Minister, Preaching Funeral Sermon for Worthless Man, Talked of
 This Glorious Age.

One Of the hardest things q minis ter is called upon to do is to deliver an address at the funeral of a man for whom there is really nothing good to be said. Such moments or em5ar- rassment do occasionally arise. How one parson taetfully coped with the situation is thus reported in Human Life:
 The very worst man in mining camp not notorious for its piety died The fellow had been terribly bad. If he lacked anything of total depravity. none could recall any evidence of it. He had been brutal and debauched and debased in every way known to mankind. When he died there was q quEndary ss to what to do at his funeral. He had been shot down in his boots, in defense of the very de esncy Of the camp. nonresident minister was sent for. and was told the awful truth about the deceased.
 Didn't he have any good point?" asked the minister.
 Not enc"
 Wasn't he even kind to child some time?"
 Never"
 The minister was lost in thought while: then he asked:
 When is the funeral to be-"
 Tomorrow at three Will you preach"
 -Oh. yesi"
 What in the world will you talk sbout?"
 T shall taIs," said the minister "on the glorious age in which this man lived"
Bisbee daily review., 1911-11-01
eIbIss Furnished Ere.

Young couples who furnish their flats under the direction of a Third avenue furniture house are bound to begin housekeeping in pious frame of mind. For every $50 worth of furni- ture they buy. either for cash or on the installment pfsn. the dealer makes them present >f a Bible.
 T just got in a case of fine Bibles yesterday" he said, "and as soon as they are gone I shall lay in another supply. Before went into the furni- trTe business I was a book agent. The peeps l got then into peoples homes showed a deplorable lack of Bibles. especially among the young couples did not have much chance to rem. edy the defect then. for was not handling B.bies and anyhow wouldn't have been in position to give them sway, but since ! have gone Into this business can afford to throw in a Bible with every $50 purchase. New York Times.
Bisbee daily review., 1911-11-01
BRITISH CAPTAIN
 VISITING AMERICA

John Kelly, of Kansas City, presi- dent of the Lucky Tiger Combina- ton Gold Mining company, owner of the Fl Tigre mine in Sonora, ar rived in the city this morning from
 His home says the Douglas
 International MT Kelly is aecoman- fed by George Moore, of Kansas City. a director in the company; A. $. Seyerest. a stOckholder, of Kan sas City and by Captain J. c. Pad den and wife, of England, where Mir. Padden is a captain in the British army He is also a stockholder in the mining company.
 Captain and Mrs. Padden are in this country to remain for several months during a furlough obtained by the captain for the purpose Of taking a look over AuIerica. They will go to the Fl Tigre mine. but will be back and forth between the mine and Douglas and may remain in this section during the winter 10 receive the benefit of the delightful climate of the Southwest
 President Kelly, of she mining company, stated that the new plant dL LHt 1lett Hllut IS now m sue cessful operation and that excellent returns was coming from il. The cyanide plant is recovering large values from the old tallings dump. This is the first visit to the mine by Mir. Kelly since the new plant was completed. After an inspection of the mine and plant he will return to Douglas, expecting to meet Su- perintendent Budrow here on No- yember 5th. Mir. Budrow has been sick in San Francisco for several weeks and wired this morning that he would reach Douglas early next week.
 The Fl Tigre mine is regarded as one of the richest gold mines in Siexico today and now with an en- tirely new reduction plant, driven by electricity transmitted from the Copper Queen smelter in this city. it is expected that the dividends or the company, enormous iz the past. win be materially increased.
Bisbee daily review., 1911-11-01
FROM GOLDEN GATE
 ID TIE ARIZONA FAIR
Three Score San Francisco Business Men Headed by
 May0r-elect Roiph

SAN FRANCISCO. Oct. 30.-Three score or the most important business men of San Francisco will journey by special train to Phoenix. Arizona. on Noyembef Sth 10 attend the Arizona state Fair and participate in Pan ama-paeifie International Exposition Day on November llth
 \ first class electric lighted train of Pullman sleeping cars, diner. buffet observation car. composite obserya- ton ear with barber shop and bath ing. has been chartered and will leave here on November Sth (Wed- nesday) at 5:00 o'clock P. NJ. The personnel Of the excursion win be of the highest
 1t is believed that this excursion will do much toward cementfng the present friendly trade relations ex- isting between Arizona and San Fran cisco.
 is expected that James Rolph, Jr, The mayor-elect Of San Francis co and one of the vice presidents of the Exposition company will head the delegation. Among the prominent citizens who will make the trip are Frank L. Brown. a director of the Exposition company and chairman of the Press and Publicity committee. R. J. Tyson. president of the San Francisco commercial club. Frederick J. Roster. Chas. NJ. Elliot. Capt. Vim. Watson. 3. s. Hubbard. Geo. H. Eb- erhard. Wm. ! Dutton. W. B. Web ster, Col Frank w. Marston. Col. George H Pippy, W S. Cannon, Chas. Christensen, Chas !. Wetmore, Paul Sasoni, John Roster. Francis Cutting. Max Schmidt. Horace H. Al len. W E. Cordez. and score of other leading business men of San Francisco.
 William Hooper. the official herald of the exposition company, who has a seven foot trumpet. will signal the approach of the special train to the various stations by fanfares.
 The exposition boosters from San Francisco will make things hum in Arizona, during their stay in this sec tion. They will take with them ban ners, booklets, buttons and other ad- vertising matter that will enlighten the residents of Phoenix and other cities to the possibilities Of San Fran cisco as the Exposition city and the Of the International Ex- position which is to celebrate the completion of the Panama canal.