davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
COLLEGE RnFINEMENTs

From the Pittsburg Sun.
 A college professor said something unpleasant the other day. Some college professors are given to saying unpleas- ant things. Usually 1t shows what curious remarks they can make when they stop thinking. It's Abe Lincoln's s case of the steamboat over again, the boat with a g foot whistle and only a foot boiler; every time the whistle blew, the boat stopped. Whenever some individuals give a blast, it seems they haven't any steam left to think. The noisy outbreak of the professor in ques- tion shattered the air with this: We are coming to realize that men may pass through our colleges without talk - ing on those refnements and personal graces which make life better" Un- questionably this professor has in mind d type that frivols through college years, not the man who passes through college. Any student who Is on intimate terms with the precepts and intellectual standard of college life is bound to be benefited thereby. And this goes dou- ble for the "refinements and personal graces."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
In Theatrical Circles

'This has been a dull year for the amusement business, generally speaking, !" said Harry Schwenk, agent of "The White squaw," whose company appears at the Bijou next Monday night. 'I found 1t dull in Canada, and dull all through the east. Our company, which is doing bet ter than most attractions has jumped all the way from Cape Breton, Canada, to New Orleans since last summer.
 Just why the theatrical business Is dull is not always clear to me. Various reasons are given in various sections. think the political reciprocity agitation in Canada accounted for bad business up there, and in the south the low price of cotton has been given as a reason, all though in New Orleans we had splendid audience, and we are expecting a good audience in Birmingham"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
GRIEyIN' FOR RILEY

Judd Mortimer Lewis, in the Houston Post. am grlevin' fur ol' Jim Riley. Why, He never marked to lullabye, Sung in the dusk in the mother tone For little boy that was all his own, Sprawled half a-sleepin' across her knees That's why I'm grievin'. know that he's As lonesome TOW as a man can be, A-hearin echoes O all the glee That bubbles up in the hearts O all When Santa Claus plans his yearly call No baby arms to go round his neck, No baby hearts to love him peck No baby voices to lit and call, No feet 10 batter along the hall No little children to tiptoe where He sits so still in his big arm chair,s An tell hun: Dad, it's booflum day, Why don't you come in the yard an
 play?" No lips are pursed for a good night Kiss He must be lonely time like this!i There must have been in the years back We don't know when an we don't know
 where, t girl whose eyes was alight fer him, Who walked beside him an called him
 Jim Somewhere way back in tn used to be-
 
 glee,
 Whose chin was dmpled. perhaps, an
 who
 Had dancin' eyes O tn gladdest blue, Whose locks was truant an coaxed each
 breeze, Who walked in blossoms that reached ner
 knees.
 He must have loved-oh, he must have
 had love back there when his life was glad! An now he's a settin' all all alone In the dusk, an never the mother tone Comes across tn dark in lulabye- That's why I'm grievn', an why sign At thought O him an night closin' in An only dreams O the night -have-been To be there with him fur company It's tn thought O that that gifts next to
 me.
 That's why last night when they came
 to me, My own glad babies with shrieks O. gles An climbed on my knees in their nighties And loved and hugged me with all their
 might. EI I hugged en closer at thought O him, An kissed each one of 'em once for Jim! It hurt me somehow to be so glad >. For things Jim Rileys had never had! But l know she's waitin' for him some | where The sweetheart that loved him away back
 there.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

an agricultural revolution in this sec ton. No farmer can withstand the efforts of his own boys.
 The stories of the 20 prize winners should be printed by Commissioner of Agriculture Kolb along with the re- ports of the boys who competed in this state, and the pamphlet should be speedily issued... This pamphlet will contain all needful information, and no doubt it will soon be pub lished.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
WELL DONE.

From the Louisville Courier-J Journal.
 Well done, Oscar Underworld They told him he would destroy his chances for the presidency if he voted against the Sherwood pension grab, but he was brave enough. nevertheless, to vote against tha. iniquity. The democratic party would be in a much stronger position today if so many of MT. Underwoods democratic col leagues in the House had been able 70 stand, as he stood, the test, and had no. so promptly proved the truth of Repre- sentative Dies charge that they, like the republicans, were political towards
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
.QPTIMISM.

OPTIMISM. met humble toiler once, Who sang along the way; Though weary was the task he piled, Methought his heart was gay; No sorrows gloomed his tranquil brow, No troubles could dsmay. And when I fain would have him tell The secret of his cheer, Who still could smile, though all the
 world
 About his path was drear, He laid his hand upon his breast And said, There's something here. No matter what the morning brings, However dark the skies, I'm thankful still, alls for the best And life's a worthy prize; A heart that weathers every storm Therein the secret lies."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
ESTHETIC BEAST.

Here is an account of highly artistic performance"
 "Please let me have the particulars"
 "A goat devoured ten sheets of music belonging to a poor professor and didn't miss a note.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
nrFLECTIoNs OF DAcHEIon

From the New York Press.
 The best cure for badness is fiery red hair.
 A woman takes the most interest in men, except for babies
 A girl knows a man is in love with her by the way she pretends she isn't with him.
 If it's a child a woman hates to make fool of it, and If it's a man she hates not to.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
A W0EFIrL WIGHT.

A WOEFUL WIGHT. That clouds have silver Things He held to be quite true, But seldom saw the brighter side, Each day brought so much rue. One neighoor kept a parrot, Another's phonograph Did mono!ogues from morn to night, At which no one could laugh. And, top of all his troubles, A small boy living near Found pleasure in a new tin horn Whose tone was loud and clear
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
Herbert's Opera Todayt

Fritzi Scheff, who is making a great hit in Victor Herberts latest comic opera, ''The Duchess will be the attraction at the Jefferson this afternoon and tonight, There will be matinee as at first adver- tised.
 All of Herbert's operas are full of cathy tunes, and the gems in "The Dutoh- ful,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
NOT ALL IN HIM

From Norman E. Maeks National Monthly.
 Thomas said the mother, severely, some one has taken big piece of ginger cake out of the pantry"
 Tommy blushed guiltily.
 "Oh Thomas" she exclaimed, q didn't think it was in you!'
 Tt ain't all," replied Tommy, part of it's in Elsie."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

Colonel Roosevelt does not appear to be greg tly shocked to find his boom loose running up and down the land.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

Mayor Gaynor, who was once judge' advocates recall of the judiciary. It is plain he does not intend ot go back to the bench.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

The visiting governors did not, alas, include the governor of North Carolina and the governor of South Carolina.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
THE SECRET OUT.

Have you seen Timson lately?'
 No"
 T thought not. He was wondering only last night if you had left town"
 "Confound that fellow! I'll never bor- row another dollar from him as long as liver'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

Kansas club women are moving to have the tarring of woman made felony. Such law is needed in Kansas only.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

It remains to be seen how Queen Mary will impress the oriental imagination. She does not impress all alike.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

Public opinion is settling down to think that any old democrat can defeat MT. Taft. Colonel Roosevelt may be bit diff ferent.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

The republican national convention is to be held in the town in which MT. Taft had an attack of the blues
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

W. Morgan shusters record in Persia is good, even if he does have to go.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
A GRIEVANCE.

Fathers gone to drown some kitties, Little Sammy seems to rue it; Says to kind old chap who pities,
 Father said he'd let me do it."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

G. Washington did not get a third term, neither will T. Roosevelt.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

A postal surplus well maintained means cent letter postage.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

Shady Bend, Kas., does not so much reeG change in name as it does change in some of its citizens.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

Oklahoma is a promising cotton state. She begins to crowd both North Carolina and Arkansas in rank
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

Some families ate the turkey and the paper bag, too. Modern cooking is rather complex.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

In a list of the 20 greatest women the cook should come first.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

In the selection of jurors we need rule of reason.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

The best Christmas present for dear old dad is a fat pocketbook. No one will need one more.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

It will be a sad Christmas at Brice- vile unless the charitable turn some of their gifts that way.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
SUBTLE FLATTERY.

SUBTLE FLATIER1. "Dibbes is what would call a diplo- matic man."
 Tn what rarticular?' Mrs. Dibbles asked him to make out a list of ten of the worlds greatest wom- en, and whom do you think he put at the head of the list?" T can't imagine" Mrs. Dibbles!"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

It was the boys of TIC who kept us from participating in an American dunbar to this day.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

President Taft still hesitates to send in tariff message. He has not forgotten Wincna.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

l local bankers now doing time. The bank CT had caller who had been of service during the trial The caller had then learned to regard the jugged fnancer With an affection which was not recipro- cated.
 "I want to see MT. Banker. said the caller to q keeper
 Write your name on a card and I'll take 1t in,,' said the keeper
 And what do you think" said the call- CT to friend, on his return to the city. Ihat keeper brought my card back to me. Sorry, sir said he, but MT. Banker isn't at home today"
 A complementary yarn is the one now told of 'P. K" Connaughton. who for years has been principal keeper at Sing sing. The other day Connaughton told a prisoner to drop a bag of onions he was carrying at the door and come into the keepers office to be questioned about some recent offense. The prisoner stood The cross examination well. When the pris- oner and ''P. K" came out, the bag was there, but the onions had disappeared By thunder" said "P. K.," there's thief in this place. New York Core, spondent Cincinnati Times-Star 
 SOMETHING LACKING. We long to see villain bold With character most shady, Who likes to get strangle hold And choke the leading lady. The melo1rams that used to thrill Have disappeared from view: At girly shows and vaudeville Our tremors are but few
 Birmingham Age-Herald. Instead Of oldtime villains who Would not give up "the papers," We see of girlies not a few Performing fancy capers. For one old thriller how we yearn which now one never sees The cruel-hearted son who turns His parents out to freeze.
 Springfield Union.
 UNUSUAL EVENT. You want to borrow $10 from me, eh?" That is my hope"
 "Well, when I lend you $10 the moving picture rights will be worth something"
 HOW SAD.
 How sad it is
 To go through life
 And have to kiss
 An ugly wife!
 CONCERNING WINKS. lHe lolioWlilS CllpplnS IrOIH tAe 'l9ueS- tions and Answers department of the St. Louis Times is self-explanatory: H. W.-We do not know all of the mean ings of a wink" with either the left or right eye Wnking at a girl who has been properly reared may bring a severe repri- mand from one of her big brothers, unless you and she are on such friendly terms that she will understand that you are in 
 may give you whack with her purse pr anything handy. Better cut out tha "winks."
 All of tine foregoing is quite true, 'H. w." Ocalar winks are nearly always more or less dangerous. but there is no harm in tiddledywinks. PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

No one nowadays is predicting a white Christmas.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

We may yet have concrete jewelry and even concrete poney. It is fad.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16

HOW SWEET! How sweet 'twould be To take trip And never have
 To give tipl
 QUITE PROBABLE. Not long ago a story drifted down from Sing Sing, about one of the colony of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
SOMETHING LACKING.
UNUSUAL EVENT.

LIN USUAL EVENT. You want to borrow s10 from me, eh ?,' That is my hope" well, when I lend you s10 the moving picture rights will be worth something"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
HOW SAD

How sad it is
 To go through life And have to kiss An ugly wifel
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-12-16
TELEPHONES

Bell Cprivate exchange connecting all departmental, No. 40OO.
 Peoples, Editorial rooms, 23Ij busi- ness office, 23O.
The Caucasian. (Shreveport, La.) 1900-192?, 1911-08-06
a Japanese Festival.

The boys festival in Japan, occur
ring on the 5th day of May. is also
called the sweet flag Siberian iris
festival, as the girls, on the 30 or
March, is called the peach blossom
while the 9th of September is the
chrysanthemum festival. Flowers are
thus apportioned to holidays according
to the season in which both come to-
gether. The old custom was to insert
small bundles of sweet flag and mug
wort (yomogil into the matched caves
of the house. to take sweet flag bath'
to eat rice -four cakes wrapped Ia
bamboo or oak leaves, steamed, ano
to arrange decorative flags inside and
outside the house. Even to this DAY
the public baths of Tokyo observe this
ancient custom. and the use Of tags
spears, commanders banners. helmets
and warriors figures. all In toy form
for decorative purposes on the 9th OF
May is with the intent of wishing tna'
/ the little sons of Nippon may grow III
into worthy defenders of their coun
try.-Oriental Review.
The Caucasian. (Shreveport, La.) 1900-192?, 1911-08-06
BARE FEET AND Ho0KwoRMs.
Blessings on thee, little man,

blessings on thee, little man,
barefoot boy with cheeks Of tan,
with thy turned up pantaloons
And thy merry whistled tunesl
Barefoot days.
Remember the time when you fairly
breathed through your bare feet, when
TO wear shoes meant suffocation? How
luxurious a pool OF water, how lush
the dewy grass!
To be sure
Sometimes the ruts of the road made
locomotion slow and cautious and the
sand grew hot in the middle of the
day.
And sometimes there were thorns in
the wood pasture!
Remember how you sat down and
took the poor foot into your lap-the
slow dripping tears tracing channel
of cleanliness on the sole-and plucked
| the thorn away? And then. limping
off. mindful Of the stone bruise on
your heel. how soon your hurt was for.
gotten!
| Thorns? Occasionally. but weren'i
the roses sweet in those olden. golden
days?
All. that thou shouldst know thy Joy
Ere It passes. barefoot boy!
Well. we knew our Joys all right II
The Caucasian. (Shreveport, La.) 1900-192?, 1911-08-06

THE DOGS FOLLOWED THE HOT SCENT.
panions. His room was on the ground
floor, almost adjoining the place where
the congenial spirits We're gathered.
The master of hounds conceived
plan for bringing Morgan back into
the circle. He brought in the drag,
trailed it through the clubroom, into
the bedroom of Morgan. across his PED
and out the window. Then he I'M
leashed twenty couples of hounds.
They followed the hot scent full cry
giving tongue as they leaped upon
and over the sleeper's bed and crowd
ed through the window. History does
not relate what Morgan said. 1t is as
serted. however, that he rejoined the
group he had left, somewhat bruised
and cut, but decidedly wide awake
New York Post.
The Caucasian. (Shreveport, La.) 1900-192?, 1911-08-06

The highland dress, without rival
in picturesqueness. unique in its Ion
gevity and remarkable for the manner
in which it has been employed to dis
tinguish the different families or clans
Of one race, appears to be a survival
of the ordinary Roman dress and
relic Of Caesars invasion of Britain.
From the time when it was first adopt
ed and while fashion has been busy
with changes in other parts OF the
world the costume seems TO have IN
dergone little modification. That this
dress should have been selected and
adhered to as the national garb is due
to its undeniable utility. Wrapped II
his plaid. the highlander was indiffer
emit alike to soaking mist and violent
storm; he was prepared to pass thu
night in defiance of the most inclemen
| weather, while the loose undergarmen
would have been difficult to improve
!, upon when wading mountain torrentl
Or climbing the steep sides OF ravin'
and glen.
The Caucasian. (Shreveport, La.) 1900-192?, 1911-08-06

creatures. The first thing
they said was, How many carriages
have you2" And said. why. we
haven't any carriage"
land what do you think, motner'
before / could finish what was say
ing a little girl turned up her nose
and walked away from me ana saio
to another little girl:
"s"What's she doing here? Why'
they haven't even carriage"
land l said went on the child ex-
citedly. we hadn't any carriage. put
we had an automobile. Ion, nave
you? Well. it's all right, then. but we
have three carriages and an automo-
bile and a runabout and seven serv-
ants, and my mother has thirty-tiVe
pairs Of shoes"
Mother continued the chllo'
think Of any one having thirty-hVe
pairs of shoes
Another girl remarked to my daugh'
ter: I have a new pair of shoes. They
cost s12. What did yours cost? And
she fibbed when she said. oh, eight OF
ten dollars.
LAS a matter of fact my girls SHOES
cost IS, and | spent an hour trying
to convince my child of the insignif
canoe of wealth compared with othe'
things" p.
Well!
Somehow one feels as il one nigh
think better of that mother had sh'
promptly removed her child from tina
scrt Of atmosphere.
Vulgar pretense Of superiority be
cause of the possession of the trap
pings of wealth Is an insuferabl
| thing
What may be>expected from gil
who from infancy has been ercourae
ed to indulge such silly vanity?
A child whose mind and heart ar
filed with an undue regard for dres
and ostentation will in her matur1t
grow into little more than iauntin
butterfly of fashion.
And it need not provoke your specls
wonder that in this sort OF high life
there should be safety and heart
burnings and closet skeletons.
We need another Thackeray In
new VANITY Fair" who will punctui
the snobbery of some modern boar'
ing school.
The Caucasian. (Shreveport, La.) 1900-192?, 1911-08-06
DEFECT THAT WAS
EASILY REMEDIED
Amusing Break Of an Uneu|-
tured Theatrical Man.

The question Of the New theater's
defective acoustics, now known TO
fame as the ''echo." reminds me OF the
wei. authenticated incident in the the
atrical career OF the late John Stet-
son. On one occasion, while he was
managing the Union Square theater In
New York, an important star complain
ed that the acoustics were abominable
and that he didn't see how he was to
| give an effective performance under
| the circumstances. Stetson, although
he had been identified with the Globe
| theater in Boston. was not overbur-
dened with Boston culture, and the
term acoustics was not included in
his picturesque and unique vocabulary,
but he surmised that it was something
tangible-some sort of a stage prop"
However. as he wasn't quite sure, he
looked the star straight in the face
and asked:
.'What is it you're kicking about?"
Acoustics, Mr.. Stetson! You've got
the worst kind of any theater I ever
played in"
/ "Why, man." said Stetson-"why
didn't you say so before? III speak to
the stage manager at once, and before
the curtain goes up tonight I'll have
him beg, buy. borrow or steal the best
kind of 'cowsticks' to be had on any
stage in New York.'-Albert EllerJ
Bergh in Columbian Magazine.
The Caucasian. (Shreveport, La.) 1900-192?, 1911-08-06
PAY As YOU GO.

The credit system in some respects
is a boon, but it has ruined many
man.
Credit makes it easier to buy than
when you have to pay spot cash.
But settlement day comes.
You must pay for everything you
get in this life-everything. You pay
down or you pay lateryon, But you
pay!
The easiest and best way to get
things is to pay as you so, because III
some way or another you must settle
"See that man." you say He mas
stocks and bonds and buildings. HOW
| envy him. But that man has paid
for everything he possesses; maybe In
sleenless nights. in sweat of brain, IN
lost peace of mind-he has paid In fuli,
or must pay.
1t is the law of price.
That spender of the Great Whlte
wav who revels in luxurious delights
and unlawful pleasures? He pays. he
pays the price of his manhood
The lazy loafer. the drunkard. the
gourmand: they pay. and pay heavily
And whoever tries to cheat nature
paws. If it is by overwork or excuses
| ne pays. If he does not pay cash In
hand he pays fearful rate OF Interest
on the principal. And pay day comes
The greatest fallacy ever held by the
human mind is that you can get some
thing for nothing.
Pound for pound. ounce for ounce. tt
the last driblet-you pay. ps
Therefore it is best, if you can. Il
/ nav as you go. If you make failur'
be glad that you got out even and tn
it over.
Moreover
Is there not some compensation II
this law of price? Why should mai
ask for more than is coming to him
Why should he expect to buy and no
nav? And is it not worth while to ge
by earning?
If you work for what you get ard &c
what you work for you are as good a
any man who works and gets.
Pay as you go.
If YOU want leisure work for It
you want pleasure pay for it. II 20
, want money grub for 1t.
If you want the esteem and respe'
and gratitude of your fellows work Il
It. Pay the price.
Everything comes to him VINO pay