davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05
An Object in View.

Not q cent. What sort Of work
do you want done ?"
"WelI-er-well, I don't want any,"
"Oh, for your wife, %
Haven't got any"
Then what the dew
You see I'm the new dentist two
blocks below you, and [ just wanted
to know what prices to charger
JOE KERR.
AN INVITATION WITHDRAWN.
Come, fly with me
Oh, 1 forgot
That hobble skirt!
You'd better not.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05
No Second Term.

SORRY HE SPOKE.

T was while President Taft was in
Brooklyn a month ago that a man
who had evidently walked long
distance at fast pace and was per-
spring freely stopped on a corner to
say to a group:
We'll, that cooks Taft's goose for a
second term!"
What's wrong7" was asked.
Il used to know him. you know"
did. eh?"
Yes. went to school with him. In
fact, as young men we courted the
same girl"
And naturally you shook hands
with him today"
That's the trouble. set out to
do it, and to have word or two with
him was sure he'd know me on
sight"
And didn't he?"
Say. when I grinned and reached
out my paw he looked me dead in the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05
Wayside Wisdom.

Many a kind word is spoken in jest
= IL better to be slandered than for
gotten.
The free liver not infrequentiy has
a good heart
Nothing keeps Lent half SO well
as an umbrella.
1t does not pay to measure a mans
piety by the length Of his face.
The ruling passion is strong in death
and stronger in the schoolmaster.
A man who spends his life getting
money hasn't time to get much else.
A cloud no bigger than a mans
hand often hangs over small boys
life.
A good man goes about doing good:
dead beat goes about doing every
body.
There is always something to be
thankful for even if 1t is only that
things are not worse.
To pay as you go is the best plan.
particularly if the man in charge will
not let you go until you pay.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05

grounds?
Does he provide sweet milk, butter
milk and ice-water free of cost?
Does he lie in bed until eight o'clock
in the morning so as not to disturb his
guests?
Has he a trout stream and a lake?
Has he arranged for glorious sun
rises and sunsets?
Has he got a plano, and are chill
dren allowed to thump it2
VIII he cash any kind of a check
or allow the bill to run sixty days?
Does he give green or red trading
stamps or coupons?
JOE KERR.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05

eye and said:
q" Pass on, Sam Schemerhorn, and
don't interrupt the procession!'
"Well?"
But my name is Thomas Wales!
Sam Schemerhorn. Great snakes, but
what an insult on mel And he meant
it, sir-he meant it, and I am a gro
Ger with five clerks and driver, and
we'n smash him as fiat as a pancake
if he runs for a second terml"
JOE KERR.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05

= ELLO! Is this DR.. Bings. the
dentist7"
''Yes-yes.''
Whats your charge, doctor, for ex-
tracing teeth ?"
Fifty cents each"
And for fllIng?"
From fifty cents up. according to
the material
And as to crowns?"
From FIVE to fifteen"
"Of course, you do bridge-work %
1.-THE very best. It comes pretty
high, of course anywhere from TWEEN
ty to fifty dollars"
Amy extra charge for laughing
gas?"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05

I" Not a cent You rode on my car
next day and I changed a dollar bill
for you. I gave you back your bogus
half and short-changed you fifteen
cents besides. Ny conscience has been
accusing me, and now
But we called it square," laughed
the doctor. and I'm not quite sure that
1 shan't get rid of some more base
coins that way. I thought I was the
only guilty one. you see
JOE KERR.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05
RUsH o. oPULENCE.
TWO OF THEN.
~ ~

Al FELLOWS conscience is a funny
W thing, isn't it?" said the doctor
to the real estate man as they
were holding a chat.
well. yes. I suppose SO. Has yours
been upbraiding you2"
1T surely did for while passed
a bogus half-dollar on a street car
conductor, and it happened that I
took his particular car several times
later. I thought he looked at me ac-
cusingly. and I got so worked up over
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05

it that meeting him on the street on
his day off. I said to him:
Here, I owe you fifty cents. I
passed a bogus half on you a few
days ago. I did it in fun, and am
sorry for it. am glad to meet you
and have the thing off my mind
Y es, you did pass bad half off
on me-. he replied. but your con
science needn't have been upset about
it
But you must have lost it?'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05
THE AIRMAN.
house. -

See the airman-
Such a dare mani
Scottin' cross tn sky:
Clouds a-clearin'.
Birds a-leavin',
Teachin' 'em to fly.
There, he's roundup,
Planes all boundin',
Motor tries to funk;
Somthin' rippin',
Slippin', dippin'-
Down he comes kerchunk!
RATHER ABRUPT.
Bronsen-Eh. Woodson. Just heard
from your wife?
Woodson-Yes.
Bronson-Well. what are you look
ing so sour about? Is she coming
home?
Woodson-No. It's the way she
ends her letter. Listen. From your
loving wife, dear, and don't forget to
watch the dog
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05
A CROSS COUNTER.

Sing a song Of highballs,
A stomach full of rye.
-Four -and-twenty keyholes
Dance before his eye.
When the door is opened
His wife begins to chin.
''Well isn't this a pretty time
To let a fellow in 2"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05

81 hate to insist on my husbands
taking me away for the summer. 1t
costs a great deal of money!
why do you require it. them"
I've got to keep him in q stuffy
hotel for a few weeks every year to
make him appreciate the way keep
house"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05

Yes. there is a human side to gar
dening. For instance, the potato has
eyes, and the corn has ears.
But, what vegetable has a nose .
Il do not wish to go on record In
the matter, but the onion smells more
than any other plant
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-05
ADVANCE OF CIVILIZATION.

Papa Indian-My dear. I know
where can get peach of a war bon
net for about two skins.
Mamma Indian-The Society of
Emancipated Squaws has decided
against war bonnets for family men.
The feathers tickle the papoose.
THE "SKEETER."
No rose without its thorn. you say 2
No JOY but woes loom bigger?
Why, now It's fishing time without
The "skeeter'' or the chigger.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17
W|TTPENN REPLY
IS DEFIANCE To
GEORGE |. RECORD
Progressive Leader Fails to AM
swer Charges Before lie
Leaves Town.

JERSEY CITY. Oct. H-Without
failing the time to make reply to Mayor
Wittpenn's statement issued Saturday
George L. Record left for Chicago,
where he is attending a conference of
Progressive Republican eaders. He
will not be back until Wednesday.
Just before his departure Mr.. Record
was shown a copy of the Wittpenn
statement and hurriedly glanced
over it.
There will be a Republican mass
meeting In Pohlmann's Hall Thursday
night and Mr.. Record will then, so 1t
is said, make reply to Mayor Witt
penn. At the City Hall this afternoon
there was a conference Of Democratic
friends of Mayor Wittpenn and Frank
Hague. both of whom Record had at
tackled. 1t was news to h Mayor that
Record was out of town.
IT arr panied and grieved," said the
Mayor, ito think that Mr.. Record
should have left the city and let his
grave insinuation against Hague
hang suspended in. the air instead
of seeing this thing through. l have
my opinion of a man who will attack
a man indirectly and then leave town
while the controversy is pending"
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17
MAYOR WOULD FIRE
STREET COMMISSIONER.

ELIZABETH, Oct. 17.-Declaring that
the present incumbent, N. X. Thomp-
son, was not capable of giving the
work proper attention Mayor Alfred
A. Stein sent a communication to
Council last night recommending that
the compensation of the street commits
sioner be- made not less than $500 a
ear. A resolution was adopted in 'lin
with the recommendation.
The term of Commissioner Thompson
ends in January, and his successor will
then be elected by Council. The con
munication from the Mayor is a result
OF the proposed $500, 900 bond issue for
street improvements. which will be
voted on in the fall.
Councilman Kent urged that an out
side man. a civil engineer, be engaged
to fill the pisition.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17
YOUR DRUGGIST
STOPS THAT ITCH

If you are suffering from Eczema,
Psoriasis or any other kind of skin
trouble drop into our store for instant
relief. We will guarantee you to stop
that itch In two seconds.
A Csc trial bottle will prove it.
We have sold other remedies for skin
troubles, but one thai we could recon-
mend more highly than the we'll known
compound of Oil OF Wintergreen, Thy
mol and a few other ingredients that
have wrought such wonderful cures all
over the country.
This compound, known as d. D. D.
Prescription. will cool and heal the
itchy. burning skin as nothing else eau.
Get a regular bottle and see-on our
no-pay offer.
Petty's Pharmacy; A. Mosher. Or
ange; Gillbard's Drug Store, East Or
ange.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17
WILL DEDICATE HIGH SCHOOL.

HOBOKEN, Oct. 17.-When the ley
Hoboken High School is dedicated this
evening there will be a number
of gifts presented to the school by for
mer students, among them being a
bronze tablet on which is printed Lin
coln's Gettysburg address. A new
Bible will be presented by Reliable
Council No. 1850, Jr. o. U. A. M; an
American flag will be given by H. M.
Baumgarten; another flag will be given
by Hoboken Lodge Nc. IA, B. P. o. e.
An oil painting of Washington, by
Girr, and a picture Of Sir Galahad by
the class of 1897 will also be presented
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17
CHURCH ORGAN DEDICATED.

st. Augustine's Roman Catholic
Church was packed to overlooking last
night, when Bishop John j.. O'Connor
performed the ceremony that dedicated
the new organ. Rev. Father Huelse-
busch, pastor of the church, assisted
the bishop, as did Rev. Charles A.
Smith and Rev. P. Anselm. o. S. B.,
professor at st. Benedict's College.
Professor j. ]. Habig. the organist and
choirmaster, rendered a special pro-
gram.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17
MAKES FLAT
DENIAL OF ANY GRAFT

JERSEY CITY, Oct. tiff this
charge were true I'd take a gun and
blow my brains out. l couldn't stand
the disgrace" With this statement
former Sheriff John Zeller today made
specific denial of the allegations made
against him before the new Hudson
County Grand Jury. 1t was charged
that zeller had August Metzinger APP
pointed as a clerk to the elections
board and then had the man turn all
of his pay warrants over to him.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17
Between Ourselves

We reproduce below an article that ap'
peared In the October number OF 'Dfy
Goods'--a paper devoted 10 the interests
of the American merchant;
Fl STANDARD OF ONO Is
RISING.
Trade tries character perhaps more
severely than any other pursuit In life.
1t puts to the most rigid test honesty
self-denial, Justice and truthfulness. Men
of business who pass through the ordeal
unstalned are worthy of as much honor
as the soldier who wins his laurels upon
the battlefield.
If we consider the vast amount of bust
ness that is transacted every day-the
millions OF dollars that change hands
hourly-on mere word of mouth, and note
how comparatively few breaches of faith
are recorded, this daily conduct OF busi-
ness is most honorable to human nature.
However, there are many instances of
unscrupulous rascals. There are mer
chants who cheat and manufacturers VINO
adulterate, skimp, and deceive.
1t has not been so very long ago When
all merchants marked their goods In blind
figures. with the intention in many cases
of lying and cheating, but that system has
happily gone out OF existence, and the
honest. The respectable store makes one
price TO all,
People who do not keep faith with those
to whom they sell are born to die early.
Dishonest methods oftentimes compel
honest men TO get into the game in order
to meet competition.
II Ia a delightful feeling, in business,
when we know that we are dealing with u
man on whom we can always rely for honest
counsel. 1t IS worthy Of the highest praise
when we endeavor to qualify ourselves TO
be such a man.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17
TRINITY CADETS PLAN REUNION.

ELIZABETH, Oct. 17.-Plans are I'M
der way for a banquet and reunion of
the old Trinity Cadet Corp to be held
during November in the grillroom of
the Essex 'roop Armory In Roseville
avenue, Newark. The Trinity Cadet
Corps was formed In 1899 and was con-
nected with the Trinity Episcopal
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17
That Curtain Sale

We told you Sunday that this was going to be the biggest
curtain sale in the history of our store, and sure enough it is.
lust glance over these values:
FIRST LOT-There are fifty different designs in this lot from
which to choose; made of a very good grade of Scotch lace, in white
and Arabian color; the patterns include floral, conventional and Irish
point effects; every curtain of full width and length and every one with
lockstitch edges, which prevents fraying in laundering; made 1 M
to sell at 1.50 and zoo a pair, special at. ...............,... law
c LOT-we would advise an early visit in order to get
ufs best selection; forty different patterns in renaissance and Brussels
effects; made Of hne Scotch lace in white and Arabian color; all finished
with locksttch edges, all of full width and length and all actually worth
800 per pail, but during this great sale we shall offer them at , 00
the very special price of, pair A'OO
THIRD LOT-You save exactly LIS onevery pair of these pretty
curtssns that you buy; $50 pairs in all, of full width and length; English
loom. madras and square meshes; white and Arabian color; q nana-
aome designs. in renaissance, Brussels and Irish point effects; OF fine
auaNty and regularly worth 400 per pair, specially priced for , ZE
OURTH LOT-English loom, madras, square mesh, spider web
and cable net curtains of fine quality; made on English looms; beautiful
strong; the designs are copies of the finest Brussels and renaissance
effects: not a pair In the lot worth less than 6O0; on sale a A 0N
the very special price of, per pair.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17

Appropriate to the occasion. Rev.
DR.. T. T. vassar, of Elizabeth, pre-
last night. The address was de-
by Rev. DR.. Curtis Lee Laws,
OF Brooklyn.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1911-10-17
NEW CHURCH DEDICATED.

The formal dedicatory exercises of
the new Emmanuel Baptist Church, at
Montclair and Clifton avenues, were
held last night, and will be followed
during the week by THREE more serv-
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-03-04
Lincoln
Just Fifty
Memorable Scene at Wash
ington Described In the
Light of Subsequent
History.

at Harrisburg. whence he made his
famous midnight trip to Washington.
Again there had been rumors md
threats. and the north breathed an.
other sigh of relief when the president
elect was safe in the capital. Mr.. Lin.
coin lodged at Wizards hotel and
spent the intervening days in meeting
friends. finishing his inaugural address
and selecting the final members OF his
cabinet.
The morning of March was cloudy.
with raw wind and the day prom
ised TO he as bad as some of the subse.
Quent ones that have made the wealth.
or department famous It cleared to-
ward noon. however. and the after
noon was sunshiny and came as near
TO being decent as March 4 In Wash
ington ever is. President Buchanan
remained at the capitol till noon sign.
ing bills. and there was even gossip to
the effect that he affixed his name to
some measures after his term OF office
had actually expired. He then drove to
Wizards for the president elect. and
the procession was soon pounding over
the cobblestones of Pennsylvania ave.
nue..
AS inauguration day approached
there had been increasing evil omens
Washington was full of southern sym
pathizers, and the burden OF the song
heard In the streets and elsewhere was
that Lincoln would never be inaugu-
rated. On the very day some chap In
a New York hotel offered big odds TO
that effect but rather ingloriously
evaporated when his bluff was called
That there was apprehension among
the friends of Lincoln was shown by
the military precautions. Troops were
stationed about the city. especially
along the line of march on Pennsyl.
vania avenue and around and In the
capitol. Sharpshooters were on the
roofs of the houses. and General Win.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-03-04
THIS MAN HEARD
LIEGOLN'S Speech.
By T. c. EVANS.


W STOOD within few yards Of
II President Lincoln when he deliv
n cred his urst inaugural address
~ from the east portlco of the cap
itol IN Washington | was newsna
'per correspondent and had gone with
him from his home in Springfield to
recount for my mper the incidents Of
his journey, Washington looked on
the day us II momentous one and was
not free from n sense of peril No pre-
yious inauguration day had been so
ushered in
The procession began TO move about
II o'clock. but II was an hour and a
half before Buchanan appeared, When
all was ready Senators Baker and
Pierce took seats In the carriage front
ing the two presidents. Buchanan look
ing old, gray ana haggard, Lincoln
dark and firm and. wearing mourn
full and anxious expression of counte
nance Thus accompanied they set
forth on their historic ride 10 the cap
itol Around The carriage were mount
ed guards ana dying squadron Of
newspaper correspondents, the latter
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-03-04
SLIGHTLY REDUCED FACSIMILE SHOWING NEW YORK TRIB
UNEs HEADLINES OPENING OF INAUGURATION REPORT.

scope of precedent. now enter upon
the same task for the brief constitu
tional term of four years under great
and peculiar difficulty. a disruption
Of the federal Union. heretofore only
nenaced, Is now formdably attempted
/ hold that IN contemplation of uni
versa law and OF the constitution the
Union OF these states is perpetual
Perpetuity IL Implied. II not expressed,
in the fundamental law Of all national
governments. II is safe to assert that
no government proper ever had pro
vision in its organic law for its own
termination. Continue 10 execute all
the express provisions of our national
constitution aud the Union will endure
forever, It being impossible 10 destroy
1t except 10y some action not provided
for In the instrument itself.
Again. If the United States be not q
government proper, but I'M association
OF states In the nature of contract
merely, can Il. MS Il contract. be peace
ably unmade 10y less than all the par
ties who mnde II? One party to II con.
tract may violate lt-break IL, so to
speak-but does II not require all to
lawfully resclnd II?
One section Of our country believes
slavery Is right aud ought TO he ey-
tended while the other believes It Is
wrong aud ought not 10 be extended.
This is the only substantial dispute.
Physically speaking, we cannot sepa.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-03-04

of the north or on yours of the south
that truth and that justice will surely
prevail by the judgment of this great
tribunal of the American people.
My countrymcn one and all, think
calmly and we'll upon this whole sub
ject Nothing valuable can be lost by
taking time. If there be an object to
hurry any Of you in hot haste to a
step which you would never take de.
liberatey, that object will be frus.
trated by taking time. but no good
object can be frustrated by It,
In your bands. my dissatisfied fellow
countrymen. and not In mine Is the mo.
mentous issue OF civil war The gov
ernment will not assail you You can
have no conflict without being your.
selves the aggressors. You have nc
oath registered In heaven to destroy
the government. while shall have the
most solemn one to "preserve protect
and defend IT,"
| am loath to close. We are not
enemies. but friends. We must not
be enemies. Though passion may
have strained il must not break our
bonds OF affection. The mystic chords
OF memory. stretching from every
battlefield and patriot grave to every
living heart aud hcarthStone all over
this broad land, will yet swell the
chorus of the Union when again touch.
ed as surely they will be, by the better
angels OF our nature.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-03-04

cars. and these were moved by horses;
there were no ocean cables, while the
electric light, automobile. wireless.
aeroplane and myriad other inven-
tions without which the man of today
would think himself lost were yet un-
born unless In dreams.
The city OF Washington was then lit
tie more than an overgrown, strag-
Cling. untidy country village. The cap
itol was unfinished, with a great crane
towering above 1t used In putting the
dome In place. Pennsylvania avenue
was paved with cobbestones and was
a street Of low and unkempt buildings,
1nterspersed with vacant lots.
Mr.. Lincoln had left Springfield on
Feb. II. That night he had spoken In
indianapolis and the next day. on
which he became fifty-two years old,
had journeyed to Cincinnati. In
browsing through a New York Trib-
une tile Of the period ran on to a
peculiar aud fateful item. 1t occurred
80 the issue of Feb. 10. In one col
umn was contained the account of
Lincoln's dslngs on his birthday. In
the adjoining one was short dispatch
from Albany. N. Y, recounting that j.
Wilkes Booth. an actor. had acciden.
tally fallen on the point of his dagger
and wounded himself under the arm.
Feb. l3 was also notable one In Lin.
coins career for the reason that the
electoral vote was opened and can
A n.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-03-04
FROM LINCOLN'S FIRST INAUGURAL.
Salient Extracts From Address on Taking Oath Of Office
as President Fifty Years Ago.

rate. We cannot remove our respective
sections from each other nor build au
impossible wall between them a hus
band and wife may he divorced nnd 20
out of the presence and beyond the
reach of each Oiher but the different
parts of our country cannot do this.
They canno. but remain face to face.
pnd intercourse. either amicablc or hos.
tile. must continue between them. Is
It possible. then. TO make that inter
course more advantageous or more sat
isfactory after separation than before;
Can aliens make treaties easier than
friends can rnEe laws?
why should there not be n patient
confidence In the ultimate Justice Of
the people? Is there any better or
equal hope In the world? In our pres
ent differences Is either party without
faith of being In the right? II the Al
mighty Ruler uf nations. with his eter-
nal truth and justice. be on your side