Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1911-09-19

ridiculous or extreme.
Here are few with what may b
called a patriotic streak: M. J. Yam
kee. Preserved Ireland. Mexico Wash.
ington. Alfred Constantinople.
These suggest hardware store:
Minerva Hatchett, John Hammer and
George Ak.
These would come in handy for
man running a restaurant: Peter
Beets, James Bean, Susan Gale. John
Garlick, Daniel Mustard, John Meats,
John Ham. Thomas Tongue. w. H.
Lamb, David Mutton. w. T. Kidney.
Samuel Heart, William Fish. Samuel
Crab. William Oyster and John Her.
ring, Enoch Fritters. Henry Pancake.
John Crumb, Charles Drybread. George
Goodbread, Thomas Butterbaugh, Irwin
Huckleberry. Obediah Gooseberry.
John Jelly. Tom Cherry. Adam Apple
and Sandy Dates. Isham Vinegar.
John Sourbeer. James sourwine. Ben
jamin Sherry and 8. B. 0oodals.
William Roof, Margaret Floor and
Josiah Door might we'll minglo In the
building business. but Sarah Razor
hasn't a close friend In al the lists. IN
the hazy background can be heard
Andrew Laugh. David Jolly. Jane
Shriekingoat, Anguish Smith. DreaEy
Graves, Daniel Death and Mourning
Ashby.
Elkana Dampman, Louisa Wetright
Thomas Rain, William Hail. Robert
Dew. Davis Moist, Jeptha showeFy.
Milton sloppy. James Blis5ard an4
seacat Showers probably are weather
prophets.
David Tadpole, Cochran Roach.
Robert Gait. Frank Coon. Henry Dser;
Amos Hogg and James Pisg coostt
tute quite menagerie.
Here is an aggregation that e1udes
religious atmosphere: Susan Sun
day. Christian yesterday. Philip East
ernight. Mary J. Chapel. William Arch
deacon, Good Preacher, Robert Priest.
Celestial Good, Hiram Pray. JohD
Blessing Stephen Souls. Samuel Holy
cross, Pleasant Cross. Apostle Paul
Jeremiah Scripture and Levi Bible.
Pursuing them closely are Edward
Vice and Conrad Sinner.
Then a psychological few: Endearin
Johnson, Charles Kiss: Kiss brings
Henry Hug; Hug brings John We'd
ding, and Wedding provides John
Bridegroom. Afterward come Robert
Bodkin. Jacob Needles. William Fuss.
Hugh Cry and Mary Sobbs.
Then a high and mighty three: John
Emperor, Moses Sovereign and Ed
ward Throne.
And a nervous bunch: Oliver JumpA
Andrew Bump. Simon Dancer. James
Waltz. Peter Trip and George Cal
lup.
And an unwelcome few: Jesse
Toothache, Edward Dentist. George
Bonebreak and James Bonekiller.
The manner in which different parts
of the human anatomy are scattered
about might be sufficiently suggestive
Of a battlefield to induce the govern
ment to grant pensions. for there are
James Legg, Thomas Foote. Hiram
Head. Samuel Nose. William FscA
James Cheek. Adam Shanks. Samuel
Hand, Stephen Back and e. g. Lpp.
Mary Body, Joseph Boil and Amertco
Corns.
Picking out enough of these to make
Thomas Mann there are plenty Of
clothes to array him in: Jerry Gun.
Mary Collar, Ford Cravat, William
Corsets and Robert Bonnet.
Then Thomas Battles, for Tim Tubbs
and James lowell await him. Havin1
bathed he goes down to breakfast and
finds on the card Isaac Quail. Aaron
Drake. Hester Pigeon and William
Crow.
Then merrily he goes on his way ia
business singing, along with Peter
Highnote, Jane Melody. John Har
mony, John Songster. John Harp and
D. P. Ditty.
Down town he associates with DAVID
Dollar, Jacob Shilling. William Million.
George Thousand, Thomas Pence
William Farthing. A. Hapenny and.
perhaps, with Wiley Wise. William
Clever, William Swindle and K
Rogue.
In the evening he dimes with Will
lam Proper. James Polite. John Harm
less and Lafayette d. Fsvorite. and.
mayhap, with Washington sillyman
Henry Gump. Blooming May and
Mary Grasshopper.