The Washington herald., 1911-12-20
ART OF LISTENING
IS EASILY LEARNED
Sure Way to Win Enduring
Popularity.
By DOROTHY DIX.

By DOROTHY DlAs
If you wish to be sought after you have
only to lead people to talk about their
own affairs. Just ask Mr.. Man to tell
you the details Of that coup he made in
the stock market or how many miles a
day he averaged on the automobile run
from here to Chicago, or about the predi-
gree OF his dog. You will see a joyous
light lead into his eyes, and he will want
TO take you out and buy you food and
drink, and he will follow you down the
steps, and hold you by the buttonhole
and chant your praises from Dan to
Beersheba.
More He will be convinced that you
are one of the most intelligent and level
headed men he ever met, with the best
judgment and the soundest taste, and
the most brilliant conversational powers.
II you are a woman and want to be
popular with other women, the shortcut
to their liking is through the same door.
Thus, lead Mrs. Woman to tell you all
about her clubs, and her clothes, and
her children, and her servants, and say
nothing at all of your own any more
than if you were a hermit in the wilder
ness, with a few fig leaves for a gown
instead of an imported Paris frock, and
you will find yourself so overrun with
invitations for dinners and luncheons
that you could live on them if neces-
Sary.
OF course. I am not denying that to
sacrifice the superlative joy of blowing
ones own horn-which is without doubt
the most unallOyed pleasure on earth
is a terrific price to pay for popularity.
1 merely state it as a fact that pOpu-
larity can be bought at this price, and
TOu can take it or leave it, as you like.
Besides the policy of keeping silent
about yourself because il bOreS people to
hear about you, and listening to them
talk about themselves because it tickles
their vanity to do so, there is a very
tender and human side to this phase Of
the subject
1t is the friendliness, the humanity. the
recognition of common brotherhood
that makes one person take an interest
in anOther'S affairs.
A Memory.
One of the most popular people that
! have ever known in my life was
woman who was almost repulsively ugly
in face and figure. Nor had she any re-
deeming charm of wit or intelligence.
Outwardly she was just a plain, dull,
drab, coloress sort of a woman; vet
she drew every heart to her and men
and women Wed with each other in
showing her such attention that even
beauty and brilliancy seldom got
Tho secret OF this woman's charm was
that she possessed TO an extraordinary
degree the gift of sympathy and of be-
ing interested IN other people. She had
the art of setting every tongue a-wag-
ging about itself. and making you feel
that your sorrow or joy was Of intense
and thrilling personal interest to her.
If you met her but for an instant on
concerning the subject that was upper
most in your mind, and she listened with
an expression of ecstatic interest while
YOU poured out the iliad OF your woes or
blared forth the paen Of your success.
And she paid you the compliment OF
always remembering just what your lit
tie speciality was, whether you had the
rheumatism or nervous prostration,
whether you believed yourself an unap-
preciated genius or the greatest literary
light of the age; whether your pet theme
was the marvel of precocity your chill
dren were, or whether you enjoyed most
pitying yourself as a domestic martyr.
To hear her name sent up over the
telephone was q guarantee of an hour Of
blissful delight in descanting upon your
Self, and it was only after this woman
was dead that those of us who had known
and loved her. and probably hastened
her end by boring her into the grave,
remembered that she had never said any
thing about herself at all, and that we
did not know whether she had been
happy or miserable, whether she had
laughed or cried in secret.
The Way of 1t.
But If it is true that the most enter
tanning conversationalists We ever met
are those who let us do all the talking.
1t is equally true that to be a good
listener one must listen with intelligence.
One must not refrain from talking be-
cause one has nothing to say, but be-
cause one conveys the impression that
YOU say it so much better than I could
and the history OF your life is so much
more important than the simple annals
Of mine. To be effective, silence must be
lined with gold, not lead.
The art of listening with an absorbed
expression is, however, easily learned.
The difficult thing is to acquire sufficient
heroism to give the floor to somebody
else when We feel perfectly certain that
We are entitled to the center of the stage,
with the spotlight turned full upon us
and a gaping audience waiting breathless
to hear US tell how we did it.
But to those who have the hardihood
TO offer up their own egotism on the altar
of popularity and minister to other peo-
ple's vanity great are the rewards in