Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-03-10
TWiNkLEs.

lecture;
We wish you'd enlighten us. please, If
you can,
On the style of that girls architec
ture
Milwaukee Sentinel.
When a man is done as he would
do by it is up to him to raise a howl.
There are too many people who
paint the front of their house and
whitewash the back
When you try to take time by the
forelock you will often lind that time
is wearing the wig.
1t must be shock to some men to
look in a mirror after hearing them
selves talk.
Because a person is light-hearted it
does not necessarily follow that they
are light-headed.
The man who thinks he hasn't a
chance on earth doesn't help himself
a whole lot by committing suicide.
The beer drinker would be the first
to kick if he bought gallon of kero-
sene with two-inch collar on it.
Sunday school Teacher-.Johnny
what can you tell me about ham?"
Little Johnny "Nothin', teacher;
I'm vegetarian"
Bills-"You don't mean to say that
| mosquitoe bites caused those humps on
your head?"
Wills-'No, that is where l ham,
mered myself batting at them
Little Willie-"Papa, what do they
have to have a bass drum for?"
His Papa-"So that you can't tell
how bad the rest of the band plays"
Teacher@"Johnny, how many days
are there in a week?'
Johnny-"Two at our house-pay
day and Sunday"
Gerald always say what l think
GeraldineI have noticed that you
hadn't a very extensive vocabulary
Judge.
II wonder how it is that men sue
coed who mind their own business?"
Because there is so little competi-
ton. New Yorker
Sunday-school Teacher-"Now then,
Willie, can you tell me why people
pray?"
Little Willie-T 'spose they think
they'll get lickin' if they don't.
The PoliticianN"Are you going to
| be a politician when you grow up, my
little mani"
The Boy-"No; l don't think there
will be anything left by the time
grow up"
"Id like to steer clear of all wick.
edness," remarked Mr.. Rounder. "but
unfortunately l have a conscience"
"Yes?"
That is not always dirigible."-
T Philadelphia Bulletin.
Friend-You have been engaged fol
TIE last two years and can well af
ford to marry. Why dent you do til
Mr. Kissem (gloomily)-I am wait
ing for her pet dog to die.
Answers.
Adele-"That bride doesn't know .
thing about cooking"
Estelle-"That doesn't make any
difference; her husband lived in q
boarding house before he married
her."
"Why, Margie." said mother to
her little daughter, what are you
crying about?"
'C-cause," sobbed the fearful
little miss. Il s-started to m-make my
dolly s-sealskin sack and it c-came
out c-calico wrapper"
Carriage Folk.-"I hear your hus.
band was at deaths door," began Mrs
GOodly.
Pardon me, no." interrupted Mrs
Nuritch, haughtily. "the porte-co-
chere Catholic Standard and Times
In Trouble.-'He's sorry now tina:
he quarreled with his wife,
"She has gone home to her mother,
I suppose"
"No, she's had her mother come
home to her. "-Philadelphia Press
What would you sug-
gest for a proper bathing suit?"
Clerk-"A tailor made gown if you
are going to Ocean Grove"
Benners-"Why did Smith spurn the
picnic dinner?'
Jenners-"He lives on ham sand
witches all the week"
A woman doesn't like fiattery, but
If she is decked out in new rig YOU
had better make a few joyous II
marks about it.
BOOKS IN GREAT DEMAND
StauntOn Club Purchases Valuable
Edition From State Library
The demand for travelling libraries