davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

IT see," said the stage-struck youth,
that there is a new play running
where they actually blow open a safe.
Sure" said the stage doorkeeper'
Haven't you seen 1t? It's a pretty
piece of work. There's a nice little set,
the interior of bankers library and a
neat but efficient safe situated half
way between the sectional bookcase and
the cellarette, I don't much remember
the plot of the play, but Spike McGunn,
or some other character, makes his en-
trance by the window and gives real
istic representation of yegg gettin' away
with the kale.
1t Didn't Use To Be So
"Ah, me, 1t didn't use TO be so in
my day. The most realistic show 1
ever saw in young days was The Hid
den Hand and it was very popular
about the same time East Lynn was
playin' the big time I must confess,
though, in the old days any young
spectator could get very fine informa-
ton as to how to stick a stiletto in
stew or sandbag cashier on his way
to the bank.
I'VE weren't very strong for crime
in the old fashioned plays and I must
admit that 1 find it hard to keep up
with the march of progress. We used
to have some good fire scenes with the
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

Wat becaim of the unkissed bride in
Moo Yawrk that awl the papirs was
tawking about, ma sed to pop yestiddy
at suppir.
don't know, sed pop. haven't sean
enything about II lately. Wy?
Bekaus think awl husbinds is alike,
sed ma Yure getting to be the saim
as that Gambler man.
wy, mothir, sed pop, don't tawk fool
ish Don't kiss you evry moarning be-
foar / leeve the house?
Yes, evry moarning. sumtimes, sed
ma
Awl the Time.
Sumtimes nuthing. sed pop. 1 haven't
missed a moarning sinse don't no how
long, and jest to show you how sure
1 am Id be willing to give you a dollar
for evry time I don't kiss you in the
moarning.
Awl rite. sed ma, we will begin to-
morrer moarning. I expeckt to be rich
soon. she sed.
Dun. sed pop, and aftir suppir he sed
to me, Sammy, you may not no 1t, but
I have a orful bad memery.
So have 1, I sed, 1 forgot to klean
my Shoes this moarning and ma
woodent give me the nickil she prom
ised me.
Well, heres the nickil, sed pop. but
yure memery is not neerly as bad as
mine. want you to watch In the
MORNINGS, he sed, and II I forget to
kiss yure mothir I want you to pull my
The Washington times., 1911-07-25

aid of red fire and many a time I've
been called upon to shoot off a shot
gun out in the alley when the villain
was tOuchin' off the fuse alongside the
old mill.
And then we went in for drownin'
scenes strong. Them was good old
days when I'd have to stand back of
green canvas wave and toss a bucket
OF water high in the air when the
heroine came hurtling down through
four feet of space from pier 0 to the
depths OF the river
Maybe I'm Out of STYLE
Maybe I'm out of style and behind
times, but 1 don't quite stand for some
OF these new productions. We all know
that there are a certain number of
low-browed gentlemen floating around
the country pryin' open windows and
coaxin' refractory safe doors to open
up. But why make It so graphic?
"As long as gallery seats, sell at two
bits a crack there's a young generation
that we should take into consideration
and not make their education too
simple.
But as long as the city fathers don't
mind, l suppose 1 shouldn't say any
thing. Incidentally, it strikes me that
the movin' pictures aren't the only
things that ought to be censured."
The Washington times., 1911-07-25

cote tale wen she isent looking, and III
give you a dime evry time you remind
me.
So this moarning watched, and sure
enuff, pop finished his brekfust In a
hurry and left the dining room fast be-
Klaus he sed he was late. Ma made a
mark on a peece of papir avn the side
bord and 1 followed pop out in the hall
and pulled his cote tale.
Pop diden't pay eny attenshun but
jest reeched for his hat and pulled his
cote tale agen. ony hardir.
Watts Up?
Watts up, sed pop. stratenins his cote
ware 1 pulled II out of shape, CESS,
and starting to wawk to the doar. I
thawt may be 1 woodent get the dime
at awl, SO 1 grabbed pops cote tale
with both hands and hanged avn like
enything.
Pop startid to wawk fast and did-
ent let go. and pop sed, Say, and avn
OF suddin thare was a orful noize and
pops cote, witch was moo cote and thin
avn akkount of summer. calm apart
in the back so far I Good see han of
pops shert. and pop startid to say
What in-but Jest then ma calm out
and sed, Serves you rite for going
without kissing me.
Pop looked at me and put his 1ngir
on his mouth and sed, 1t was a aksi-
dint. and I got my dime. and pop put
avn anuthir suit and kissed ma be-
foar he went out in it.
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
Loretta's Looking Glass

w Reepins. soTHS anyway : !Fo Yours, aU"'o o.
your husbands? Yours, of
course, you reply. If he were to try
! to boss IL, you would let him know
that he was trespassing. You do not
interfere in HIS business; and you
would give him very plainly to under
stand that he could not interfere in
! YOURS
Then, why in the name of justice. do
you convert him into an ERRAND-
BOY?
Oh! you don't? Well. you just DO!
John, there isn't a loaf Of bread in
the house. Run over to the corner
grocery and get some," you say.
Because You Forgot
With rage in his soul. John runs.
Yet, you would SHOW HIM IF HE IN
TERFERED IN YOUR BUSINESS!
That's just like a lot of women! AS
long as man is serving them, or fill
ing the breaches which their laziness
or incompetency have left, it's all right
He can be drafted to tack down the
mating, because you forgot to engage
the man. He can be greeted with all
kinds of orders to render domestic serv-
ice on his return from the office. He
can be sent to get the bread you have
forgotten, or the meat you did not take
time to order because you were busy
sewing. He can be ORDERED TO IN
TERFERE with, what you SHOULD
have done; and you never realize that
he hates it, that 1t is rank injustice,
and that 1t is one of the things which
makes a married man wonder whether
it is worth while deluding himself with
the idea that home and a wife are
q real comfort and JOY.
It makes any normal man. mad to
have, to go home from his business and
do what you have neglected. He does
The Washington times., 1911-07-25

to, and the fourteen F1tz-Jones chill
dren, none of them over years of age,
are hungry, starved famished. The
baby, mere child Of four days, Is tod
ding about the floor crying pitifury
for its o'clock cannibal sandwich.
Where. oh, where, Is Mrs. Fitz-Jonssf
Behind the kitchen door Emmanuel
the twelfth child. is developing a case
Of measles, and Sarah, aged 1, has
failed into the coal scuttIe and is just
running the coal
We do not wish to be unjust to Mr..
Fitz-Jones, but where, oh, whers, II
she In this time of needF
Mrs. Fitz-Jones Is at the Maudifn
Mammas' Club reading her paper on
How Best to Upbring Them"
The Washington times., 1911-07-25

folks! I had it all mapped out to agree
with papa and mamma, no matter If
they were in favor of bigamy. l fig
ured II l could make a hit with the
old folks I'd be going some at last.
Well, started at and walked around
the block until s, and then was intro
-r1ced to Juliet's mamma 1t didn't
take me long to learn that her par
ticular hobby was woman suffrage,
and, believe me, l was strong for it.
told her If I was president I'd let every
woman have four votes more than the
constitution called for.
Juliet's papa had been keeping mum
all this time, but when I let that last
bull out he rears up on his hind legs
and starts to rave. Woman's place is
in the home, and so forth. 1 ought to
know better than to talk that way,
and more so forth 1 left at S.45. Say.
whats the use?
The Washington times., 1911-07-25

following of those instincts has wrecked homes than
Of the for
of joke-played by the husband in of
frolic.
The wife brooded and fpaly carried neighbo,
who famed the fame of misunderstanding till the could
convince his wife that joke Tears recrmnaton and real
quarrels followed the whole thing ending the because the
husband indignantly declared "A of didn't
enough keep of his private affairs"
can't help synpathzng with him, either, despite and
other husband
difficulties of the advice given by relatives his wife,
months of readument that must inevitably follow
husbands their both loved
only when the shadows fell awart the path of their happiness
hurry through them hand hand the wife
rocky paths marked
the rocks beyond preci
pice of ltimed advice.
Is there moral? OF simple and that
member that judge for
human YOURSELF and remember that the giving advice where
fairly, doing HARM good; beware
Of confde, and of the friend
is would be happy and avoid publicity
the ermy
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
To Be Taken
With Iced Tea
SURE DISGRACE

MY dear" he feebly said, after they
had permitted her to go to him after
the operation. "I shall not recover.
They think I will, but they are mis-
taken. I feel it. 1 am going to die"
mo, no, John" she cried. Don't
say thatl You mustn't die! I haven't
a thing that is ft to wear to
funeraL"-Judge.
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
Superiority

why do you consider women
superior to men in intelligence?"
"A bald headed man buys hair. re-
storer by the quart, doesn't her
"Er-yes."
"WeIl. a woman doesn't waste time
on a hair restorer.- She buys hair"
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
Rewarded

Stubb-Yes, the doctor told Coggman
he couldn't live six months unless he
stopped smoking and drinking at once.
Now he's going to be married. r..
Penn-But how in the world did he get
the girl to accept him? She refused
him three times. e.. Is: ed.
Stubb-Yes, but the last time he pro-
posed he told her he had quit smoking
and drinking on her account.
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
Our Grocery Clerk
Saws It's a Hoodoo

Oh. Joy; oh, gloom! After many hints
and a few requests from me the beau
see her at her own little family man
sion last night. A chance to meet her
The Washington times., 1911-07-25

II he reseAts being turned into errand-
boy and sent after bread that he has
spent the day earning. you sizzle with
righteous rage and accuse MIN of un-
willingness to serve the home" Great
Goddess of Wisdom! WHAT has he
been doing all of the long hours of the
day7
You seem to think a man is playing,
having fun, all the time he is away
from the house. 1t never occurs to you
that the grind and the strain of the
day In business may be nghtened by
the anticipation Of coming to a home
where he can be quiet and comfort
able. Then, you send him for a loaf
Of bread!
An Efferyescence of Anger
An efrervescence of anger, of dis
gust at your injustice makes the trivial
errand an outrage. He reflects upon
the independence he has given up to
marry. He sneers at himself for ex-
pecting to get the calm and strength
ening influence of a wife's love in a
love-made home. He realizes that the
small irrftants which fairly bristle all
through his day at the office have Sc
auels in domestic aggravations. 1t Is
not the size of the service you impose
upon him. It's the fact that is re-
vealed by your asking it. He thinks it
shows that you do not care enough for
him or Of his comfort to prepare for
1t. He gets sore"
And he has right to feel indignant!
And when he gets so thoroughly mad
that he would rather stay down town
to dinner than come home and play
errand-boy, don't you sneak and snivel
behind the excuse that you tried 10
make him happy Maybe angels can
be happy and UNCOMFORTABLE; but
MEN CAN'T. MAKE HIM COMFORT
ABLE, you selfish. lazy wife!
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
A Sure Relief
From Intense Heat
TRUE CAUTION

Let me. caution you about one
thing" said the sister Of the pro-
spective groom.
':well?'
when the bishop asks you IL you
take this woman to be your welded
wife please don't say there's no truth
in the rumor."
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
Another Meaning

you are certainly a good locker,
Mrs. Jinx.' ~. -,
You ,fatterer! You like blondes
tfien n?'''
"why-er-L-didn't you Just tell
me that you never had to look about
more than an hour or two for good
servant?'
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
Undeterminate

And if you marry my daughter" d"
said old Gotrox. "how long will It be
before you call on me for aid?'
Cant say" answered the young
man. 1T depends on how. long It is
before she wants to eat"
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
Where Can She Be?
Or, Mrs. Fitz-Jones

Can no one find Mrs. Fitz-Jones?
The scene in the Fitz-Jones homo Is
indeed pathetic. 1t Is the girls day
out, and no supper has been psepsred.
The marketing has been unattended
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
Putting Ii HarSh1v

Young Poetess-I, have some poems
l can bring.
Edttor-It's awfully kind of you,
but we burn coal here.
The Washington times., 1911-07-25

congratuatin' birthday
Mother rushed the door, and enough telegram
for her She white girl fixed for the
brought holdin
"Somepin' happened" she "Somepin' happenedp
1t Didn't Scare Mamie Much
How tel?''I
you telegram" says "Somepins happened
Somepin's happened"
Open it, for the love o peace" says father
Yes mother | open il. Maybe there
dead after all"
Il heartless enough joke the face
of thing like this mother "1 knew somepn' goin
happen that messenger boy"
Belle would b1ieve she wouldn't let either of
thing smen before she'd
And when she found what instead o bn
talked for fifteen what
o be done her for DARN send it.
don't know whether its because they because
typhoid that makes
terrn Belle. I've had telegram in my life and
think III the boy the drug
sore and and phone in the
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
ENGLISH Joke FOR TODAY

The Birkenhead and Cheshire Ad-
vertiser announces a special corona
tion supplement comprising special
copyright pictures of the king, the
queen and the prince of Wales, and
many other local celebrities"
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
Felt the Same

Did you ever ride through a rail-
way tunnel, ElsieFS -,-..
No; but. I've been kissed in the
dark"
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
Explained

els It true your student logger Is
studying astronomy
well, I think he must be. He
sleeps all day, but at night he is al
ways out"
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
SIZE HOLDS IT UP TO THH
Wife Who Makes An Errand Boy
Of Her Husband
Drawn for The Washington Times.

not ask you to. run errands for him.
He trots around and gets the things
he needs to run. his business. Then,
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
A Beginner

There are many delightful dishes
TO he made from leftover food"
That's nice" responded the young
bride. There's a great deal of food
left over since I began doing the
cooking"
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
A Better Plan

"I have sold my old typewriter"
You were sensible. Jinx married
his" .. ss.. ...'.
The Washington times., 1911-07-25

D GIVE advice to woman who has been quarrel
ing with her husband, and add fuel to an already
fierce fame of anger, by sympathy and what I
would do" seems reckless plunging into the role
of fate, doesn't itf Yet, within the past few days.
two have up in the courts, both of
which might have been settled by the od-fash-
ioned methods of kissing and making up if it had
not been for the advice" given the wives by
friends and relatives.
The instinct to tell to confde in some other
woman, is of the most dangerous traits of the
average wife, and next to it is that equally strong
instinct to sYmpathize and give advice. And the
The Washington times., 1911-07-25
NJ A M lie I E LIS BELLE
There's No Logical
+ Reason for It, But
TELEGRAMS SCARE WOMEN

XC1TEMENT is no name, Belle, for the prevailln'
emotion around at house las night. Mother
got telegram.
The on'y thing that upsets a woman more than
receivin' telegram Belle, is havin to write one.
This from mothers sister, tellin' her she
comm to town Unexpectedly, but O course,
mother didn't know that till she opened it, and she
didn't open it until father threatened to use force.
Gracious" says mother, after the messenger
boy had finished his novel top step and
rung the bell, Il b'leve It's telegram for us!'
Now, mother" l says, don't get excited
Omaha daily bee., 1911-04-23
BUNGALOW

3, 250-New 5-room, story and half bunEa-
low. just being completed; large
living room. large front bed room,
with first-ClaSs nickel plumbing,
electric lights, furnace IL desired
dipping and registers ready; full
east front lot. cement sidewalks
convenient to Path and Ames Ave.
stores, car lines, schools and
churches; built for a home, but
owing to change of plans owner ha s
instructed an immediate sale at less
than actual cost. Want an offer on
this at once
ERNEST SWEET,
1886 City National Bank"
Omaha daily bee., 1911-04-23
Do You Want This
CloSe-In Investment

owner will sell large residence Of II
rooms, modern, steam heated; divided in
two apartments; two new sets OF plumb
apartments and stores. A SPLENDID IN
vEsTMENT. inquire OF owner 25o6 Capt.
toll Ave.
Omaha daily bee., 1911-04-23
INVESTMENT
REAL ESTATE
ACREAGE FOR SALE.
CContinued.Y

81, OO0-I am authorized to offer for inn
mediate sale a new pressed brick
building, located near oath and Far
nam, and containing four apart
ments of rooms EACH total rental
Sl452 per year. with no expenses to
the owner except taxes and insllr-
ance Nonresident owner is anxious
to dispose of this property at once.
as money is needed in other chan
nels. He asked $1,000 and will un-
doubleday accept considerable less IL
the deal is closed Immediately. This
location is fast coming in for bust
ness. This is the best opportunity
I have been able to offer in this
locality, and IL viii undoubtedly be
sold at a great sacrifice.
ERNEST SWEET,
1896 City National Bank
Omaha daily bee., 1911-04-23
REAL ESTATE
CITY PROPERTY FOR SALE
Continued
@. w. GARLOCH
FINE HOMES

f6.6o0-No. 1922 Lincoln Boulevard, new
eight-room, strictly modern house, with
oak finish on first floor, hot water heating,
fine fixtures, south frontage and in an
ideal location
$6,S0O-No 1914 Lincoln Boulevard new
eight-room and reception hall, has dining
room, living room 26 feet long, with
beamed ceiling, parlor and reception room
all finished In oak; kitchen, pantries and
refrigerator room very nicely arranged;
four bed rooms, two of them extra large,
all with closets, also bath and linen closet.
all finished with beautiful birch finish
and maple floors also outside sleeping
porch in rear; could finish three full size
sleeping rooms on third floor II desired.
This house must be seeR-to be appreciated.
$I20O-No. 351S Lincoln Boulevard, new
11-room house; first floor has dining room
with beamed ceiling, large living room and
library all finished in oak. very fine
Kitchen and pantries, four large bed
rooms, bath, linen closet and outside sleep
Ing room on second floor, with three extra
large bed rooms on third floor, all nicely
finished; hot water heating, very fine fix
lures, south frontage, right in the heart
of Bemis Park
These houses all have fine lawns, shaded
with large oak and elm trees.
@. w. GARLOCH.
1904 Hawthorne Ave
Phones: H SO79; Ind B-2671.'
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1911-01-09

II has been determined beyond
doubt that the Monongah horror, the
most terrible in history, was caused
by coal dust In all LAS men lost
their lives in coal dust explosions in
1907, and 400 in 1908.
Nearly all mine disasters occur
either at the beginning of winter, or
in the early spring, with few dur
ing the dead Of winter. December is
the most dangerous month. Put
disasters seldom occur between April
and November.
IL doesn't just happen that way.
There is a reason.
In summer the ventilation systems
are tanning warm, moist air into the
mines. and the damp coal dust set
ties TO the floor and walls and viii
not rise when stirred.
When cold sets in the fans blow
into the mines cold dry air. Present
IL the cold dry air takes all the
moisture from the mine. The dust
now rises at any disturbance.
The dust may become so thick in
the air that it becomes explosive. a
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1911-01-09

WASHINGTON, Jan. 5.-The bu'
reau of mines is preparing TO touch
of an explosion in real coal mine
TO demonstrate to doubling min own
ers of America the explosibility ot
coal dust
Mine owners say that the govern
ment experiments at Pittsburg have
only a theoretical value because they
are conducted in steel tank and
not in a mine The government Is
trying TO hammer into the heads vi
the mine owners that il is coal dust,
not gas, that causes the most terrible
nine disasters. They will buy a
mine and blow il up to prove II.
The experimental explosions will
have all the characteristics OF tie
real disaster without the usual loss
OF life. for there will be no one in
the government mine when the dust
explodes. When the poisonous gases
have been driven out the experts Will
enter and study tire effects OF the
explosion.
Scientists have long known that
the dust of coal, wood and grain Is
explosive: II is only within three
years that they have discovered that
coal dust as an explosive is powerful
as dynamite. 1t is no wknowns the
destruction of the Washburn and
five other -four mills OF Minneapolis
May 2, 1873, was caused by a dust ex'
plosion.
Here is list of American mining
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1911-01-09
CARNEGIE TRUST FAILURE
DOESN'T AFFECT OTHER BANKS
J. p. Morgan and other Financiers
Stand Together To Meet Any
Emergency.

NEW YORK, Jan. 9.-That the al
lied banking institutions here are pre-
pared TO prevent any disturbance oil
present conditions was made plain to
day by the presence in the clearing
house of a number of the leading cap
tains OF finance.
There is nothing the matter with
the business world, and the public
once" is the word that came from j
p. Morgan.
BY Morgan's order, the Madison
Trust Co., formerly the Van Norden
Trust CO., was taken over by the
Equitable Trust Co. This $35, 000.0 0O
concern backed the Equitable Insur
ance Co., of which Morgan is now con
trolling owner. Morgan also person
ally assumed responsibility for all OF
the obligations OF the Nineteenth Ward
and the Twelfth Ward banks, and
their branches, and IL was by his di'
rection that securities held by these
two concerns which were not Of sort
which could be sold readily in the
open market, were replaced by actual
cash.
Morgan & Co., Kuhn, Loeb & Co.,
the Guggenheims, Standard OIL, Henry
Phipps, Halgarten Il Co., and every
big bank allied with the New York
clearing house stand together.
The string of southern and western
banks affected by the closing on Sat
urday OF the Carnegie Trust Co., will
be fully taken care OF.
Statements by Morgan & Co.. Presi
dent Krech, of the Equitable Trust
Co.; A. Barton Hepburn, president OF
the Chase National bank, and the
Clearing House association; Bradley
Martin, Jr., and Supt Of Banks Che
ney. all Of a character intended to re
assure the timid regarding the sta
bility OF all OF the banks affected BY
the Carnegie Trust Co.'S failure, were
given widespread publicity early today
and had their effect as was planned.
At $50 this morning line OF
about 100 persons had formed out
side of the Nineteenth Ward bank
Many OF them were women and ali
were there to draw out the money
they had on deposit. IL was said that
all checks presented would be
promptly paid.
There were 800 depositors in line
at the Ninteenth Ward bank when the
paying tellers window was thrown
open. All were paid OF as rapidly as
possible. President Bradley Martin
Jr.. said:
I'VE will pay of all depositors VINO
want their money The run Is OF
little consequence. inasmuch as those
who are Withdrawing cash, are people
who had only small amounts on de
post.