davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16
HUMOROUS QU|PS



There was once a simple maiden. and her
simple name was Dottie.
She had a simple twinkle In her eyes.
There was a simple dimple In her simple
chin that naughty
Little maids who had no dimpies saw
with signs
The things she said were simple
And the things she did were simple.
A very simple grille girl was she,
But the simplest maid that ever
Simply sighed may stili be clever
In her beautiful sim-pli-ci-tee.
that was splendid
The other girls regarded him with awe.
They sought him, but none caught him.
and their hoping soon was ended.
For Dottie was the only girl he saw.
He nirted with coy Dottie.
And he boastod that sweet Dottie
Was ready 10 accept him any day.
But the simplest maid that ever
Simply sighed may still be- clever
In a simple. unexpected way.
The hero soon grew weary OF the maiden
and her signing,
on other ladies he bestowed MS smiles.
But naughty little Dottie did no vain or
she had letters from him stacked I'm
handy piles.
To Dottie he had written
Things ne never should have written.
And she made him pay her well 10 set him
free
oh, tho simplest maid that ever
Simply sighed may stu be clever
In her beautiful sim-pii-ci-tee.
Chicago Record Herald.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16
N7sEifS



Take three or four pounds OF fresh
paddock, remove the backbone and
have the flsh skinned and cut into
pieces crossways. each side Of the flesh,
making about four slices. Cut enough
fat pork into small cubes TO make one
half cupful. Fry until the fat Is well
extracted and skim out the pork. Peel
three medium sized onions and cut
crossways. TO make rings. Pare and
cut into thin slices enough potatoes 10
make quart. Now put 9 layer Of 20
tatoes over the fat from the pork, then
a layer OF onion rings. then half of the
fish slices, another layer OF potatoes,
the rest Of onions and then the re-
mainder OF the fish. Finish with q
layer OF the potatoes. Season with
salt and pepper. just cover with boil.
ing water and cook gently until the po-
tatoes are nearly done. Add one quart
Of milk. bring TO boil and turn into
the tureen. into which you have put
a tablespoonful OF butter and four or
five split crackers.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16
Sour Cream Salad DRESSING.

Heat In the double boiler one-half
cup best white wine vinegar, When
hot add one cup heavy sour cream In
spoonful OF mustard, two level table
spoonfuls OF sugar, one level teaspoon
full OF salt, one-fourth teaspoonful OF
paprika. When boiling add two or
three well beaten eggs Cook like soft
custard. take Off. put cold water in the
bottom boiler, place top OF boiler In.
then beat the dressing with an egg
beaten until almost cold This makes
IT smooth and creamy. II the cream
is not n heavy quality add piece of
butter size Of an egg when II is cook
ing.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16

Tantalus, up to his chin in the pool
Of water, leaned forward once more TO
take drink, and the water vanished
IN its customary manner.
ooh, we'll" he said, I've no indi-
vidual cup, anyway"
Thankful that the cooling liquid
which he was not permitted TO taste
was not presented to his longing gaze
In the still more tempting guise Of a
bubbling cup, he waited till the water
rose again 20 his chin and absorbed
what he could OF 1t through his pores,
as usual-Chicago Tribune.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16

A simple and effective mop wringer
has been invented by New York
man, a feature OF the apparatus being
that the bucket and the wringing ma
chine are separate and not one fas-
tened TO the other. The wringer
proper is at the top OF a malleable iron
frame that has n stand at the bottom
to hold the pail and can be easily
moved about on It's four casters. The
pail is filed with water and placed on
the stand, and the entire room can be
cleaned without removing or lifting the
bucket. The wringer has no crevices
TO catch dirt, and all the dirt In the
mop Is wrung directly back into the
water The machine Is said TO be
easier TO operate than the type which
requires the carrying about of the
bucket from place to place and is also
declared TO keep the mop much cleaner
than most wringers. s;ssFytsxsr.'
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16

Diarrhoes is always more or less per-
valsnt during September. BE prepared
for IL Chamberlain Collie, Cholera
and Diarrhoea Remedy is prompt and
eaectual. 1t can always be depended
upon and is pleasant to take. For sale
by Sam Bridges.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16
t,e-s.---.

A dinosaurs war0ered 3u;
From prehistoric dlys
A monster weird ~ p, -oiifd about
Our public 10 emnfr
He saw the lor8en' tn e~-inF
Around the =, Sod curve.
And as ne dod crlci THAT thing
Doth surc'v ac~ve'"
lie gazcd rrol tto y nforcor
And heard u grind ard wheexe
lie saw tho nlrship fl0nt afar
SO hugs. yet an at case.
ALAS" he cried "whet fearful change
throughout ttlg world sect
II Is o'trrun with monsters strangei
Tho good old umea t0f .no"'
-tFaahlngton Star.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16
ey pesian.

"I hear your chauffeur had a run
away. Bad accidentT
mo; II wasn't an accident at all. He
ran away with my wife."-St Louis
Globe Democrat.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16
Had Honora.

"Are you anywhere near the head OF
your class IN SCHOOL,"
"Nope. not very near. but kin llcE
the kid that is az the head OF it,
Houston Post.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16
Tn. PASSING Of an Old Friend.

The Passing Of an Old Friend.
The burglars were at work on the
burglar proof safe.
whats holdin' you back, JemT'
growled the second one anxiously.
"why, dey've put some kind o. drill
proof stun over de door," replied the
first one, IAN can't get me tools troo
It"
The light OF dawn was outlined by
the window. A rumble OF carts came
from the cobbled roadway.
I'VE gotter git" growled No. 2.
AS fhe bafiied miscreants hastily
gathered together their Jimmies and
drills and started for the door food
OF light came through the window.
Then M they looked back at the
safe each burglar smothered sulphur
GUS cath. v~ss:elssz 2ED~
The mysterious thing that had dened
the steel drills was the outiawed roller
towel, vintage Of 1905. which some
body had taken down and carelessly
thrown across the safe.-Cleveland
Plain Dealer,
fy-urhrryfzs
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16

"He is what you might call an adroIt
manT'
Decidedly. His sins never ind him
out. and his debts never 1ad him In. -
Puck.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16

} They tell of an official at Washing
ton, known by his friends to be a rath-
er "close" man, who has many pas
sage Mt arms with his wife, all by rea-
son OF that very closeness.
On one occasion a friend had the
misfortune to enter just as the pair
were ending an argument touching
some question of household expendi-
ture. He was just in time to hear the
husband say:
"See here, Marie, you cannot hood
wink me in these matters. Do you
think that have lived all these years
for nothingT
81 shouldn't be at all surprised" was
the wifely repartee.-Harpers Maya
zine.
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1911-09-16
Mutual pistruat.

'sThnt new statesman is giving you
quite an argument"
Eyes" replied Senator Sorghum. "Its
the same old story. lie thinks we need
reformation. and we think he needs In
formation. Washington Star.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18
IS NOT SWAMPED
WIT \ PETITIONS
No Delugc in Stripping Case.
Governor Brown Will Not
Act in Case.

NO doluge OF letters and petitions
III behalf of Thomas Edgar Striplinr
inc murderer who was recently tnkon
20 Georgia from Danvillc. where lie
iad bcen fillinE the position or Chief
or Police, has reached Governor Brown.
vi georgia. Atlanta papers say that SO
iiuch mas been printed about the ,sizc
OF INC demands that the Governor m
structed that the letters and pctitlons
DC counted. II WIS found that by nc,,,n,
sount therc were exactly MY letters
on nc somo OF them asking for par
uon and others opposing IT,
Iho Governor has turned all letters
oyer to the, Pardon Board, and viii
not consider the ease, 80 il Is stated
LOT legal reasons
The petitions on Me were found 10
number Ten. with sevonty-one purcs OF
names BESIDES. there are numerous
majority arc favorable to clemnncv
One anonymous letter was received
from Danv'ile asking for pardon Oh
sse bG Gro ca1d, hat s,rip!ns or Norris
70 break up the gamblers. blind tigers
whiakcy sellers and evil doors gen.
orally than all the poicc in panviilc
Stirling. from. his cell at Columbus
continues to send out letters in which
n, ne ~ quotes lot INC billie eopioualy To
those who sign his petitions
May Go 10 Pen.
Whether or not Stripping remains in
the Muscogec county Jail or goes to
the pen to begin serving his life sen
tence is matter for the Prison Com
mission 10 decide. and not tho Cover
nor.
This is believed to he the attitude
OF Governor Brown, who was asked by
Attorney 7, r, Miller. OF Columbus
application could he considered ny the
Prison Commission.
Governor Brown consulted the Attor-
ney- General about the matter before
answering. Mr.. Millcrs request It is
understood that the Attorney. General
assumed the position that Stripping
was theoretically, at least, now in the
pen. I / Will be recalled that his an
pea! for new trial was pending when
he escaped from Jail. His case was
then, OF course. thrown out Of the SUI
prcme Court. and Stripping Is IN the
position OF having the original life
sentence outstanding, with no appeal
In existence.
Therefore. as soon as he WAS cap
tured he was in theory Ii convict ;,c-
ably thinks that any interference on
his part now would be the same AS
freeing Stripping from the penitcn-
tiary. and lie is unwilling to be. placed
In such AN attitude until he has all
the facts in the case before him.
Commission 10 whether or not
STRIPPING remains in Jail until tho first
week in April, when his petition VIII
be heard. or he is sent to some camp
to actually begin MS service AS strip
bad leg, the result Of an old injury, it
Is hardly probable that he will have
TO go to the pen yet
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18

clearly how quickly tho old truths will
spring into new light and power when
touched by the magic wand Of full
sincerity: no other moro surely en-
bodies the authority OF sustained
thought. of unrcmitting labor Tor I'm
ScitiSh ends, tho spirit OF sacrifice and
devotion, the instinct OF independence,
the love OF perfect freedom. Born II
poiemic and controversiaiist intel
lectually combativc and selr-rcliant,
fearless to the verge OF tcmcrity in
different TO applause Or consure for its
own sake incapable Of intrigue. prompt
10 accept conclusions based upon right
versus wrong without inuuiring or
caring whether they be polite or even
eXpedient persuasive in oratory. but
devoid of artitcc. too intent too ear.
nest 10 employ cheap and paltry de-
vices. his pockets nllcd with moral
dNnamiic, his every thought spring
ing from knowledge that ali OF the
basic principles in our political order.
including conservatism, cner Il from
INC wcI! OF the most radical democracy,
and that democracy itself is only
letting IN light ana air. ut tile height
OF MS powers of intellect ana judg-
ihent, upon the high plateau
OF middle life. best adapted to
noble and enduring achievement.
''"iiuS thc man, the liberal. the pro-
sressivc the radical, if you will. wide
eyed. open minded, calm. resolute, eX-
act III thought. effective in action, the
most vivid and vil'iio personality. save
one, developed on American soil in
haif century. such. gentlemen. with
out cNasgcration or undue emphasis. is
Woodrow Wilson.
The old South has bred great
statesmen from the beginning Of The
Republic To her greatest. the pccr-
less son OF Virginia, wo owe the poll
'ical emancipation OF the people from
cligarchical rule ana the establishment
OF the. political party which has sur
WED the assaults OF Il century. Now
lot the new South give TO the now
democracy another true loader. armed
with the power OF his faith in the peo
PIC ana their faith in him. ana the
spirit which enabled Jefrer
son to break the bounds OF patcrnalIsm
VIII again become the glory of the
Nation"
We call that mighty fine reading"
and il is al true, every word of ii. /
With such a Man, the Problem would
be settled and government Of, for ana
by 'ifc people would be preserved in
this country.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18
ROANOKE TEAMS WILL PLAY
TWO GAMES IN LTNCIInUWG:

Especial to The Times Dispatch
Lynclhurg. Va. March 11.--Ilnlcss
present plans fall three games Of bas-
kc,balf will be played next week be-
tween Roanoke teams. two Of their
taking place here and tho third In
Roanoke. A@t
The first game Will be here Tuesday
night. between tho $. NJ. G. a. teams.
frdny night the high school teams
the Y. NJ C. * here. and Saturday
night the representative team Of the
y. NJ G.. a. will go to Roanoke, for
return game. The LynchburE high
school recently defeated the Roanoke
school in Roanoke by a SINGLE goal,
but the associa ton teams have not.
met this year.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18
CHARTER ISSUED

The followinT, charter was issued
Commission: 7
The Mcclure Company Incorporat tod
Staunton. Va. Incorporators: a. W.
Mcclure, president; Gilpin Wilson,
ice-presldent; G. D. ShultZ, secretary
z. b. Whitmore, treasurer all OF
Staunton. Capital stock: Maximum,
s25,000i minimum, $4,000. Objects and
purposes; Mercantile business.
An amendment was issued TO the
charter Of tho Henry County Telephone
Company, of MartinsviIle. increasing
the maximum capital stock from $1,000
to $4,000 N II
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18
,..ELANp,s CONTRIBUTIONS.

lRELAND'S CONTRIBUTION.
Let the sha mrock DO entwincd Will,
luurcls OF the Revolution. and Truth
and Justice. guiding tho pom OF his.
tory, inscrihc upon tho talbot OF Amer
ica's rcmcmbrance:
Eternal gratitude to Irishmen.'"
Such was tho exclamation OF Colonel
GUSTS. tho adopted son OF Washing
ton when he bcheld tho bravery OF
an Irish regiment In the Revolutionary
War. 1t is as truo now as 1t was then,
true Of tho great proportion of lib
crty-loving, brave sons whom tho Land
OF tho Shamrock has givcn to this;
republic Tens Of thousands wore
the .bit o green yesterday. honoring
n nation which has done much to make
this nation what 1t Is.
Some people do say that ST. Brendan
an Irish monk discovered America
cisht or nine centuries before Column
bus touched the new shore OF san
Salvador Whether this DC true or
not. stis certain that Galway man
was aboard one Of the ships Of him
who sailed tho ocean blue" in 1872.
William Mullins and Christopher Mar
tin We're on the Maynower as sons
OF Erin.
One hundred thousand lrishmen
came to this country in ,the protecto-
rate of Oliver Cromwell. They came
wit
chance arose to get back AT the Brit
ish lion, they were ready on the firing
line. You lost America by the Irish,'
exclaimed Lord Mountioy. in the Eng
fish Parliament. after the die Of the
Revolution had bech cast The first
British war$hip was captured by
OBrien, OF Cork. Jack Barry, from
Wexford. was the father Of the Amer
lean navy. and Montgomery. a gallant
Irshman, was the first American gen
the field OF battle.
II was Stark, an Irish soldier, who
whipped the Tories and the Indians at
Bennington 1t was Ewing, Hand,
Griffin. stark and Conway, who, with
their countryincn of Erin. carried the
day ut Saratoga. Irish generals anu
soldiers were With Washington when
he crossed the Delaware, at Valley
Forge and at Yorktown.
Three signers of the Declaration or
Independence were Irishmen-Thorn-
ton, Smith and Taylor-and SIX 9TH
crs We're OF direct Irish descent
Ruticdsc. Lynch, Mexican, Hart. Reed
and Carroll. The first man to read
aloud the Declaration was Charles
Thomson, nishman
In all the wars that the republic has
known 1rishmcn have figured conspfcu-
ously for bravery ana for unsurpassed
courage. In legislation, In education,
in all that pertains to tho progress Of
great nation of frecmun, the sons OF
ireland have had their mighty part
Monroe. Jackson, Buchanan. Arthur
and Mckinley We're all Presidents Of
Irish descent
Among the eminent mon of Irish
descent to-day are James j. Hill, the
great railroad captain; Thomas It.
Ryan, the f1nancicr; Justice McKenna
and Chief Justice White, of the United
states Supreme Court.
Wherever they have settled In this
country, the sons of the Shamrock
Land have attained success by hard
work, BY danntless courage. by their
sympathy their kindness, their un-
failing good humor. Ireland's contri-
button to Nmerica has been OF I'M
measurable value
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18
Remains Taken to johnson CIV

/. = ISpcClaI 10 TIC MINES -DiSpa tell
Bristol, Va, March 17.-Thc body OF
George w. Sells. father OF Representa-
tive Samuel r. Sells, Of tho First Con-
aressional District or Tennessee. was
to-day removed from East Hill Gene.
terry here and taken to Johnson City,
for burial beside tho grave Of his wife,
who died recently.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18

distinction belongs to George Rocbuck,
author OF the book and melodrama, en-
titled Beatrice OF tho Cumberlands."
Edward s. Sheldon. author OF the play
salvation Nell" is a very young man
e. Blaney." Il
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18

cicnt public servants, and lis. therefore,
Ato the detrimont OF the district ana
& tho Commonwealth.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18
ACQUITTAL FOR KNIGHT.
Unofficial Announcement Of Verdict Of Court
al +

Especial to The Times Dispatch.
Norfolk Va. March lI.-Thut the verdict
of the court-1nar tial which tried Captain
Austin NJ. knight upon charges OF neglect
OF duty. resulting in the sinking of the
monitor Pur.,an following explosive tests
IN Hampton Roads last fall, will be an nc
uuittal. was the unofficial announcement In
naval circles to-day l.-l..... \. 80.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18

Civil Service Examination.
From whom can obtain informa-
uon regarding the civil service exam{-
nation, which | think, is generally
hcld some time in the spring? r.
Write to the Secretary of tho Civil
Service Commission. Wnshinrtnn u @
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18

Mr. Roosevelt would hardly agree
Win General sherman as to the dcgir-
ability Of residence in Texas. when
me President was in Houston tic
other day Mayor Rice introduced hin
as e man "'yho IS considered By the
majority Of the people II this coun-
Try as not only her foremost citizen
OF to-day but the greatest citizen
the Unitcd states ever had" jim
Baker Of Waco. ptobabIy Rough
Rider went Mayor Rice ono better.
SAYING that The Colonel is tho great
esi man ,nc human race has prodpcdd
since Jeans of Nazareth'' Such Is hero
worship.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18
question OF rhetoric.

QucNfIOn OF Rhetoric.
Please state In the Query Column
whether it is correct to use Mr.. before
a name followed by manager. presi-
don't. etc. as follows: Mr.. John Smith,
President, Smith Manufacturing Co.
j. d.
1t is better form to omit Mr.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18
Anno1,rlces Cnn,lidacy for Hnusc.

Fl Speciai to J TIC Times Dispatch
Suffolk Va, March N-R. II. Powell. OF
Boykins, has announced himself as candi-
date for the House OF Delegates from
Southampton county. Assembly Delegate
Junius W. WILLIAMS Is paraly2ed and will
not offer again. Powell In his announcement
says lie has been "a strong and pure Demo
crat all his life .E.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18

Youngest Nuthur-Drnmntist.
Kindly inform me as to who is tho
youngest author and dramatist in the
country to-day.
WILLIAM SMITH
Bedford City
So far as we are able to learn, this
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18
MEET HERE,

Rlchmond is the logical place for the
session OF the National Municipal
League next November. Secretary
clinton Rogers Woodruff was here on
Thursday and was much pleased with
the convention facilities which tho
city has.
This organization is composed OF
several hundred Of the best authorities
on municipal administration In the
United States. It's purpose is TO nor
feet city government and make i,
more economical, more business like
more effective. At its meetings adj
dresses are delivered on municipal Ills
ana municipal remedies, ana the hes,
information as 10 ways and means
for bringing about better city gov.
eminent is aired and discussed.
st. Louis, Memphis and Richmond
arc the three places being considered
Just now. Memphis Tas practically
solved its great municipal problems
By adopting a commission form o,
government. st. Louis has lust re-
lected an Improved charter ana
therefore. is not in a receptive moo.
70 ideas about municipal progress. O..
the other hand. Richmond wishes a
simpler form of government and need,
advice and counsel
If the League should meet here i,
would crystalline ana inform publ,
sentiment as to a simpler form Of cts
administration for Richmond. Til.
League win be welcome here and /,
VIII help the city ~ coming here.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18

Auditor OF Public Accounts s Il.
Donohoe IS one Of those rare cxccp-
lions to d,cnerson'g saying as 10 ONCE
holders. "Rcw die and mono rcsign."
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18

Even the grass seemed grcenor yes.
to-day.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-03-18

See Camille" tonight at Bijou.
The French Broad hustler. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1896-1912, 1911-09-21

Bradley also a lady whom he did not
recognize. He took these people to
Dodson's boarding house where the
young lady was boarding. Mr.. Orr
did not remember who came back
with him.
The French Broad hustler. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1896-1912, 1911-09-21

the stand at a table busy taking
down every detail Of the long testi-
monies. Mrs. Bradley was asked
many pointed questions by the soli-
citor but her testimony was positive
and in many cases the same as Mrs
Mccall who lives in the same house
with (her.
The inquest was adjourned after
this testimony to be continued Sat
urday morning. All the witnesses
were requested to be present.
1t is thought that several arrests
win be made after the inquest. There
are about fifteen more witnesses to
be examined. The testimony SO far
takn excepting one or two given very
little Light upon the murder mystery.
1t is thought that a part of the es-
timony to be heard tomorrow will
bring 4matehial evidence upon the
situation and. will be sufficient to
make the, arrests.
During the entire proceedings this
afternoon sat the detective on the
right hand side of the solicitor and
many times gave suggestions to him
in directing his examination.
The French Broad hustler. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1896-1912, 1911-09-21

Topeka. Kas., Sept. 1s-To show
the progress of American railroad
building and operating for the past
thirty years, the Santa Fe road today
started out a demonstration of four
teen cars which will be operated over
all the lines Of the company between
Topeka and Albuquerque. Heading
the train is one of the monster Mallet
locomotives recently constructed in the
shops of the company in this city.
Following close behind is an cid
style wood burning locomotive OPP
Grated by the Santa Fe some thirty
years ago. The train also includes
the old style and the latest improved
types Of fat cars, box cars. coal cars,
passenger coaches and cabooses.