davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11

ors, who stalked clumsily into the par
lor.
For some reason or other Clara ].
omitted the formality of springing for
ward and greeting my relatives effu-
sively, so she simply said, ''You are
very welcome, Aunt Eliza and Cousin
Julia!"
Great heavens! what does this
mean?" shrieked Aunt Martha. 'It
cannot be possible that these two
women are relatives of yours, John!
Why, engaged them both in an in
telligence office; one for the kitchen,
the other as parlor maid!"
Sure not!" 1 chirped, in joy-fright-
ened accents, as l grasped the glori-
Gus situation. 'They aren't my rela-
tives and never were. The more l
look at them the more convinced am
that there's no room for them to perch
on my family tree. l disown them
both. Back to the woods with the
Swede impostors!"
win by an eyelash.
I was so happy l went over to the
mantel and began to bite the bric-a-
brac
Clara J. didn't know whether to
laugh or cry, so she compromised by
giggling at Uncle Peter, who sat on
the piano stool whirling himself
around rapidly and muttering, amy
kind of exercise is good exercise"
Aunt Martha stared around the
room from one to another in speech
less amazement, while the two inno-
cent causes of all the trouble stood
motionless, with their noses tip-tilted
to the ceiling.
Presently Aunt Martha broke the
spell Just as l was about to eat a cut
glass vase in the gladness of my
heart.
Go to the kitcheni" she said, sharp
" to the newcomers, whereupon they
both turned in unison and looked the
old lady all over. Finally they decid-
ed to discharge Aunt Martha, for the
oldest member of the troupe folded
her arms decisively and said, Sure.
If amt in any lunatic asylum I'll be
afther livin', bless tn saints! If yez
have a sinsible moment left in your
head will yez give us tn car fare back
70 tn city, and it'll be blessed hour
for me whin l plants me feet on tn
ferryboat, so Il Will"
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11
CHASE IN CLASS BY HIMSELF
Eo,,owers of Baseball Game Argue ~
Winter Regarding Re'at'Ve
Merits OF Leaders.

It's a tough Job picking the star Oh
stars for every position in paseD@A'
but fans are at it all winter long.
When it comes to first basemen II -
hard to see row there can be any arsu-
ment. Chase is in class by himself
but there are many National leaguers
who argue that Chance is a more
valuable man.
Second base is the position tnaC
produces more arguments tnan any
other on the diamond. There are sew
eral great players in this posltion'
Johnny Evers, Eddie Collins and Dig
NAP" Lajoie all have a foilo"lns-
The Frenchman on account or his MT
ting and graceful fielding should Do
given the preference over the first
two.
Devlin, Baker, Moriarty, Grant am
Byrne are the men usually picked IN
the argument on the third base posi-
ton Several years ago when Jimmy
Collins was in his prime there wouIo
have been no argument. The rightful
successor to Collins laurels seems TO
be Byrne of Pittsburg. His speed ana
general all-around work should win
him all arguments.
At shortstop Wagner and Bush give
rise for argument. Since Honus has
gone back many insist the crown
should be passed to DOME.
Catchers? The National league
seems to have it on the American IN
this position. King has always been
regarded as the king pin, but he has
a teammate, Archer, who is not far
behind. On the work this year it
seems as though Gibson OF Pittsburg
has it on both of them. Sullivan,
Street and Criger are about the best
in the American league, but they don't
class with the Nationals stars.
In the outfield there may be room
for argument in left and right. but TT
Cobb is surely the greatest center
fielder. Speaker of Boston is also a
star of the first magnitude, and WITH
him in right and Magee of the Phillies
in left any manager would have an
ideal outf1eld.
Who is the best pitcher in either
league? That is a great question, and
at a quick conclusion most people
would pick Walter Johnson of Wash
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11
| John Henry S
y Two Queens
i By GEORGE V. HOBART

My alleged aunts were in the offing,
hnd they looked to me like relatives
Of Bunch. Bunch owned the country
house / had borrowed to present to
Clara J. for just one day; but I hadn't
been able to pry her loose from the
Homicile. 1 had told Clara J. the two
names were my aunts, but she was
still suspicious.
WE'LL" said Clara J., after pain
full pause, why don't you go and vel
come your Aunt Eliza?"
Aunt Lie would be the central fig
IRE in a hot old time if she went
where I wished her at that moment.
Somebody had tied both my feet to
the floor.
had visions of two excited females
Iambasting me with umbrellas and
demanding their property back.
Completely at a loss, sank into a
chair, feeling as bright and clipper
as a poached egg.
I felt that I belonged just about as
much as a knothole does in a barb
wire fence.
| was on the pickle boat for sure.
Sailing! Sailingi over the griddle,
me!
Scientists tell us that when a man
is drowning every detail of his life
time passes before him in the fraction
Of a second.
Well, that moving picture gag
was worked on me, without the aid Of
a bathing suit.
When I awoke Clara J. was saying,
POSSIBLY it would look better if I
went with you Wait just a moment,
till get this apron off-there! Come
Rlong!"
I arose, and with delightful unanim-
ity the chair arose also, clinging like
a passionate porous plaster to my
pantaloons.
Mercy" exclaimed Clara J., that
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11

of few feet Of trousers, and I made
a quick change of costume.
A few minutes later l Joined her in
the parlor, where the scene was set
for my finish. I picked out a quiet
spot near the piano to die
Uncle Peter was enjoying every
minute of it.
He hurried off to escort the visitors
to the parlor and a moment later my
own Aunt Martha hustled in.
Are they here" she asked, breath
lessly.
How did you know they were com
ing?" inquired Clara j., in surprised
tones.
How did 1 know" exclaimed
Auntie; why, l sent them!"
Every hand was against me. The
parachute had failed to work and l
was dropping on the rocks.
Family and far away I could hear
the ambulance coming at a gallop.
Sweet spirits of ammonia, but l was
up against it!
1t was plainly evident to me that
Aunt Martha knew the awful rela-
tives of Bunch, and that the old lady
was camping on my trail. Yes; there
she stood, old Aunt Nemesis, glaring
at me from behind her spectacles.
decided to die without going over
near the piano.
Where are they?" could hear
Aunt Martha asking in the same tone
of voice 1 was certain the Roman en-
peror used when just about to frame
up finale for a few Christians from
over the Tiber.
'Uncle Peter has gone for them; we
put them in the spare ROOM" Clara J.
answered.
What! in the spare room!" gasped
Aunt Martha, collapsing in a chair
just as Uncle Peter appeared in the
doorway, bowling low before the visit
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11

little villain, Tacks, has been making
molasses candy!"
ct strikes me-" I said, trying hard
20 be calm, that after making the
candy he decided to make monkey
bf me. Darn the blame thing, 1t
won't let go! I suppose I've got to be
q perpetual furniture mover the rest
of my life!"
Just then Uncle Peter came bub-
bling into the kitchen, talking in short
explosions like a bottle of vichy, and
I colIaborated with the chair in a
squatty-vous!
1.-TWO women on the piazza" he
6zzed; been talking to them an hour
and all could get out Of them was
yes and no Not bad looking, but
profoundly dumb"
sHush!" said Clara J.. glancing I'M
easily at me and then back at Uncle
Peter. as she raised warning finger
to her lips.
"Oh, they can't hear me-" the old
gentleman went on; John. you bet
ter go out and see them. They have
a card with your name written on it.
I'm no lady's man. anyhow"
.Do they look like queens?" Clara
]. asked, uneasily.
well. they aren't exactly Cleopa-
tras. but not bad. not bad!" he CUR
gled.
us one older than the other?" Clara
J. cross-questioned.
ssMight be mother and daughter.
Uncle Peter fancied.
Its surely Bunch's bunch"
grosned inwardIy. wondering how I'd
look gaIloping across the country with
a kitchen chair trailing along behind.
"UncIe Peter, it must be John Hen
rvs aunt Eliza and cousin Julia. He
expects them; don't you, John?" Clara
explained. I'VE shall be ready to vel
come them in just little while. .
Here she glanced cautiously at the
chair. I'm the mean time you show
them into the spare room and say that
Jobn will see them very soon"
The old gentleman eyed me suspi-
c,ouslv and retired without a word.
I'm afraid Uncle Peter found it hard
to take.
with the kind assistance of the
carving knife Clara J. removed all of
me from the chair, with the exception
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11

ington. But there is a man on the
Athletic team who is pitching about
as well as any pitcher in the country
this year. His name is Jack Coombs.
And Chief" Bender is not far be-
hind. The National league stars are
Miner Brown, Mathewson and Moore.
It seems that team composed OF
Chase, La Joie, Wagner, Byrne, Magee.
Cobb, Speaker, Gibson and COMBS
or Johnson would be almost invinc-
ible. and still there would be days
that an ordinary team would beat
them. The all-star aggregations are
not, as a rule, as good as a we'll
balanced nine which displays great
team work.
The best All-National team would
be composed Of Chance, first base;
Evers, second base; Wagner, short
stop; Byrne, third base; Magee, GEN.
ter field; Wheat, left field; Holman.
right field; Gibson and King, catch
ers; Brown, Mathewson and Moore,
pitchers.
The all-star American nine should
be composed of Chase, first base;
La Joie, second base; Bush, shortstop;i
Moriarty, third base; Milan, left field;
Cobb, center field; Speaker, right
field; Sullivan and Street, catchers:
Johnson, Coombs and Walsh, pitchers.
Two teams of this sort in a post
season series could take In the big
cities and draw enormous crows and
would furnish some interesting con,
tests.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11
Penn Loses on 1910 Football.

Football at the University of Penn,
sylvania during the season just closed
was not as profitable as in former
years, and the balance appears to be
on the wrong side Of the ledger. At a
meeting of the board of directors OF
the Athletic association, Treasures
John c. Gilpin reported that the de-
crease for the season of 1910 from
that of the previous year was about
$50, 900. Last year the eleven is SUD.
posed to have broken just about even
on the season.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11
e>,p}0rG!Q8
GOSSIP

Tom Lynch surely is in good stand
ing in the Comeback club.
Oliver Drew, the handball cham
pion, is playing soccer football in st.
Louis.
Umpire Billy Evans is much i'm
pressed with the ball playing of the
Cubans.
Now President Murphy says Chance
wouldn't have Pitcher McQu1I1en at
any price.
Frank Gotch shows all the symp-
toms Of champion who is beginning
to prepare to come back"
Christy Mathewson is being touted
as a likely candidate for the presi-
dency of the New York Checker club
Christy Mathewson's younger broth
er, Henry, has signed to pitch next
season with the Oklahoma City nine
Of the Texas league.
The way the lightweight fighters
are after matches with Moran puz-
zles one at times to remember who is
lightweight champion.
Eddie Collins has turned Journalist
and advises boys aspiring to success
on the diamond to fight, hustle, work
and nab every opportunity.
Owen Moran may become an Ameri-
canized citizen. Why shouldn't he?
Moran has been over here long
enough to see the advantage.
Jimmy Coffroth believes that a 20
round fight between Battling Nelson
and Jimmy Britt would be good card
in San Francisco about February.
The fighting instinct, more or less
highly developed in all good pugs, is
still the most prominent characters
tic of "Speckled Bob" the Cornish
man.
Now they are peddling a story in
Iowa that Frank Gotch really fears
Mahmout. The Turks manager, how
ever. is willing to believe that Gotch
has retired for keeps.
Once more "a Harvard
football game is to be arranged. .
Well believe 1t when we see Chicago
and Michigan on the same gridiron.-
Chicago Record-Heraid.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11
BULL" ROBERTS is CHIEF
Aggressive Full Back Selected as I'LL
nols' Football Leader-PopuIar
With Students.

Bull" Roberts, Illinois fighting full
back, has been elected captain of the
Illini eleven for 1911. and the tradi-
tional dove of peace is performing
its time-honored stunt in the orange
and blue camp. 1t is agreed that Rob
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11
De orc Wins chamnionshin

Alfred De Orc broke his own worlds
record of seventy-nine balls for con.
tinuous run at pool the other night in
winning the worlds championship
from Jerome Keogh in New York. He
ran five straight frames and part Of
the sixth for an 81. The match for
the worlds title was in three blocks
of 200 points each, making a total of
600 roints.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11

factions and insure perfect harmony
for next season.
Roberts election was the culmina-
ton Of the most interesting capta'--
cy coGtest in local athletic annals.
Other receptive candidates for the
position were Otto Seller. star drop
kicker who won three games with his
good right foot, and Ed Lyons.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11
Didn't Worry Him.

Patio you know, it is unhealthy
for animals to live with you, Mike?
Mike-Shure, I never heard wan oV
thin complain.-Judge.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-01-11
AS Usual.

Are you proud of your daughters
education since she graduated?"
Eyes, but she is horribly ashamed
of mine"
Potosi journal. (Potosi, Mo.) 1894-1929, 1911-03-29
State Committee Must Have Money

Hon. Chas. d. Morris, Chair
man of the Republican State
Committee. has been compelled
to borrow money with which to
meet the heavy expenses so far
incurred in defending the inter
ests of elected Republican candi-
dates in contests filed by their
defeated Democratic opponents.
The Legislative contests were
successfully closedseveral weeks
ago but the contests in the Su-
preme Court are still pending
The ballots in st. Louis have
been under recount since
March |. and at an expense Of
about 5000 a day to the State
Committee. and at least fifty
days altogether will have been
spent in that recount before it is
finished at a cost of more than
800.
This expense will have to be
met by the State Committee in
any event. In case the contests
are terminated before or at the
close of this recount this expense
will then stop but the committee
will need money with which tC
clear the decks and repay
what has been advanced. Il
these contest cases go to final de
cision in the Supreme court the
total expense will probably ag
gregate $4,000. Not one-third
Of that amount has been raised
since the contests were begun
last November. About two
! thirds of all that has been RAISED
was contributed by liberal Re
| publicans in St. Louis. Kansas
City and St. Joseph. Outside o
those cities very little has beer
contributed
Chairman Morris now feel:
that the loyal Republicans of tn,
state should come to the relief o
the State Committee. Liberia
contributions are imperativel,
necessary to clear up the ex
penSes already incurred and t,
! be incurred. no matter how til,
) contests may terminate. Afte:
the ballots in St. Louis and St
Louis county have been recount
: ed the Supreme Court Commis
Potosi journal. (Potosi, Mo.) 1894-1929, 1911-03-29
Sage Advice In a Crisis.

The Saline river. Arkansas.
was out of its banks and swift
flowing. owing to the heavy rains.
An old negro and his two sons
wanted to cross. each riding a
mule. The older son ventured
first and came up safely on the
other bank. The younger went
next. the father remaining to
watch. thus the two anxiously
witnessed the younger negro's 5
battle against the swirling cur
rent. The mule was swimming
low. the rider showing little ex-
cept his head and shoulders
above water when the saddle
girth broke, and saddle and con-
tents slipped OFF the animal be-
hind. which allowed the faithful
mule to partially emerge from
the water.
1t was a critical moment. and
the watchers from opposite
banks were all anxiety. The i'm
periled boy clutched frantically
upon the tail of the swimming
animal, but the old negro evi-
dently failed to note this. and
shouted: Look to de Lawd.
Eph um: look to de Lawd: look to
de Lawd."
! The more worldly son on the
other bank was obviously skepti-
cal about such advice under the
circumstances. for he screamed
out: ''Nevah YOU min iookin' to
de Lawd, Eph 'um: nevah you
min lookin' to de Lawd; you hol
right on to dat mules tail. y
Philadelphia Record,
Potosi journal. (Potosi, Mo.) 1894-1929, 1911-03-29
DOUBT DISAPPEARS
No One in potosi Who Has a Rad
Back Can Ignore This Double
Proof.

Does your back ever ache?
Have you suspected your kidneys.
Backache is kidney ache.
With it comes dizzy spells.
Sleepiess nights, tired, dull DAYS.
Distressing urinary disorders.
Cure the kidneys to cur. it all.
Doan's Kidney Pills brin. quick re-
lief.
Bring thorough. lasting cures.
That's what Potosi sufferers wan,.
Profit then by another's testimon.
Twice-told and we'll confirmed.
j. ?. Zolman, justice Of the peace.
Division St., Farmington. Mo-. saY..
In i9o6 | gave a statement for pub.
cation. recommending Doan's kidne.
Pills. after ] had heen cured OF st.-
we're attack Of kidney trouble throug..
their use. | still! hold high opinio.
of this remedy. For eight or ten years
was annoyed of and on hv too ,r..
quent passages Of the kidney ses.re-
tiens. The trouble was not serisn.
but was nevertheless anxious to rid
myself of it. Doan's Kidney Pills
cured me and the cure has been Der.
manent.'
For sale by all dealers. Price 80
cents. Foster r-Milburn Co., Buffalo.
New York. sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-D,,an's-snd
take no other.
Potosi journal. (Potosi, Mo.) 1894-1929, 1911-03-29
Preserving Sight.

In every textbook in one large
city is to be pasted a label con
tanning the following:
Your eyes are worth more TO
you than any book.
Your safety and your success
in life depend on your eyes;
therefore. take care of them.
Always hold your head up
when you read
Hold you book fourteen inch
es from your face.
BE sure that the light is clear
and good.
Never read in a bad light.
Never read with the sun shin
ing directly on the book.
Never face the light in read
ing.
Let the light come from be
hind or over your left shoulder
Avoid books or papers print
| ed indistinctly or in small type
Rest your eyes by looking
from the book every few mo-
mentS.
Cleanse your eyes every
night and morning with pure
water
Chamberlain Stomach and Live,
/ Tablets invariably bring relief te
women suffering from chronic consti.
patton, headache. biliousness. dizzi'
ness, sallowness of the skin and dvs.
pepsia. Sold by all dealers.
Potosi journal. (Potosi, Mo.) 1894-1929, 1911-03-29

mIniStration to further the plans
of the tariff reformers. This
may sound strange. coming from
a paper that has always consist
emily upheld tariff for protec-
ton. but the method Of our mad
ness is that the sooner the c0un-
try gets another experience in
tariff reform Legislation the bet
ter off it will be in the long run.
for il will hasten 10 that extent
to bring US back to the sound
tried and proven principle of pro-
lection. In 1910 large number
Of Republicans remained away
from the polls for the reason
that they believed their party
had given them a raw deal Oh the
tariff question. To that extent
they aided in electing the Demo
cratic house and in reduction
of the Republican majority in the
senate to basis where the ultra
protectioniSts of that party no
longerdominatethat body. Thus,
between the Democrats and the
tariff reform Republicans Il ma
jority of the representatives of
the people in the national legisla
ture are for tariff reduction. and
what a majority of the people
want they should have as quick
as it can be handed to them.
Radical treatment is the best
remedy in such cases: if it does
not cure it will more certainly kill
Most of the Standpat Republican
papers take the attitude that the
members of congress who are in
favor of the standpat policy
should combat every move of the
opposition to reduce the prOtec-
tive schedules. This, in our es
timation. would be serious mis-
take. they should give the other
side every opportunity to put its
policies into operation We want
to see even the schedules on
products of our own section i
lead. tiff, glass. lumber and iron.
reduced to a point where the les
son will be made thoroughly eff
fective upon those who voted for
Il general reduction Of the Sched-
uleS. Congressman Hensley. ifI
he fulhlls the promises he made
in his campaign-tO stand upon
the Democratic platform on the
tariff question, can DO nothing
less than to advocate a heavy re
ductiOn of duties on these com
modities. Let the people have
what they voted for.
Potosi journal. (Potosi, Mo.) 1894-1929, 1911-03-29
Runaway House Skids Twelve Miles
on Ice.

it is seldom that a house runs
away: usually it is the people in
it who fit But here is another
story: The owner Of Wilisboro
Point, Il peninsula opposite Bur
lington. Vt. wished to move a
house to Il site about half Il mile
further along the point. To
move it over the land meant the
destruction of many shade trees.
To di>engaee it from the founda-
tion and push it down on the icy
surface of the lake and slide it
along to its new position was
much easier.
This was done. but while the
workmen were arranging the
skids to push the house back on
land a great gust Of wind struck
the house. and it started at d
lively gait up the lake. 1t took a
SOut heaSterlN course for the Yer
mont shore and was soon travel
ing at 4n-knot clip over the
frozen surface of the lake. The
sight of this 40-foot tWO-story
building as it twisted, tumbled.
tWirled over cracks and broken
ice terrified the fish colony.
which lay directly in the path of
the runaway.
The house finally banged
diagonalIy on a ridge of ice and
came to standstin after 12-
mile run almost to Split Rock,
without any damage except to
one side and part of the piazza.
When the wind Subsided a
team of horses toWed the build
ing back to its site, where it was
secured, tethered to trees.
Potosi journal. (Potosi, Mo.) 1894-1929, 1911-03-29

1t is reported that the Young
men are not falling over them
selves in a rush to enlist in the
army since the 'manpuVerS on
the Mexican border were inaugu-
rated. In fact it is claimed by
enlistment officers that the offer
ings have fallen 80 per cent be
low the normal. The American
youth of military age is no fool,
A real call to his patriotism will
bring him quick enough to the
defense of his country. but he
waves his hand at the proposition
to give himself as food for
powder" at the beheSt of com
mercial interests. The ordinary
citizen who risks his capital in
Mexico or other foreign cOun-
tries. does so at his own risk,
but j. Pierp. Morgan. who is
somewhat above the ordinary, it
would seem, can order out the [.
S. army to protect his Mexican
investments.