The Bridgeport evening farmer. [volume] (Bridgeport, Conn.) 1866-1917, 1911-01-04

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pected to run except is in the garage
When you have finished studying the chart you will
feel pleased and grateful that your engine runs
at all. How they make engines which can steer
in between those two hundred causes Of trouble and
keep going is to Of the wonders of science.
Our automobile was an Empress. 1t acted like one
"a broken-down empress with a bad past and a
purely honorary job. The gloomy mechanic that
looked her over when she and who took great
pleasure in being discouraged. told me she was made
of tin and paint in equal parts and that she would
never run on the high speed except downhi. He
didn't exaggerate.
She had every automobile trouble known to man
anod good many mysteries besides. Her water
jacket leaked. Her fan belt slipped off, Her mag
neto wreck and her gear box sounded like nine
gold watches being ground up in cornsheller Her
frame sagged, her carburetor dirt connoisseur
her lubricators oiled the road but refused pay
any attention to her cylinders She backfred until it
wasn't safe to crank her She spat oil; she rumbled
in her transmission and choked in her feedpipe Her
circulation bad her batteries would deliver a
spark in any part of the machine except the spark
plug. She was more likely to explode in her mufier
than in her engine and if the former had been at
tached to the crank shaft would have gotten bet
ter results.
it wouldn't have been bad. But no. they came
along with fendsh untimeliness. We discovered the
lea1y water jacket just after had rebuilt the mag
:,eto. I spent summer suit on that magnetic and
s.ade's summer hat went for the waterjacket. When
:ese were fixed nothing seemed to be the matter
mt the lubricators in which invested Oriental
.'ug-I mean the money we had saved to get one And
t wasn't until after these sacrifices had been made
hat both tires blew up together with S95
aang. didn't hesitate. just took summer vaca-
lion and bought the tires with t-snd then she
stripped her gears
That was the sort Of chase Josephine led us.
Josephine was what called her when we loved
her. / mean it was her proper name. I'll not men
ton her improper ones
By July, Sadie didn't dare order beefseak until
she had asked whether Josephine needed any
more hard oil spark plugs. Josphine stood in her
stall and devoured our Sunday dinners and icecream
Sodas and Thomas concert tickets. She ate up our
hired girl and most OF our laundry. She gobbled
down our next winters coal and inhaled half our
gas-we used to go to bed early to cut down the
light bill.
eyer saw except for gasoline How she did save gas
oline More than she made me hire S. worth Of
farmers team in order to save measy little fifteen
cents worth of gasoline.
came to hate that automobile as if she were hui
man. She had all the perversties of mule chorus
girl, and spring day rolled into Time after
time she swept grandy past the repair shop on the
high speed only to break down few miles farther
along and stand in the hot, glary road for hours
while 1 tried out every of the ILL possible
causes Of trouble When gave up and started away
to hunt hold-up mani mean farmer used TO
look at her standing there with her lamps looking like
two big starry eyes and her pendulous crank hanging
like long loose underlp and all thought about
Ever stand in hot road and auto? You
never know how eloquent you until you have. I
have cussed the administration and bad streets, and
poor street-car service and my neighbours hens, and
the toothache, and these barren fields compared
with an automobile which has broken down ten miles
An automobile make you madden than baby.
And the of it is that while You know the baby
will grow up into something you can brag about the
auto isn't half so bad as it is going to be next year.
An automobile Is good deal like baby, anyway.
The first cost is only minor incident.
1t wouldn't have been bad if Josephine hadn't
been vindictive. She not only refused to but
she bit and kicked and scratched. You could not go
her without getting assaulted. 1t worse
than looping the loop to crank her. You had to set
the spark within the fraction of inch and let go
in a certain place II you wanted to use your wrist
again that month.
Her gears caught and slipped until you never could
tell whether she was going to go backward or for
ward, or climb a tree. You could get shock at any
time by touching her anywhere. Her cogs fairly
leaped at your fingers. She started with back
on her after she had ten miles She came
being man-eater as an automobile could. ] was
afraid of her. though never let and threatened
daily in the most bloodcurding tones to kick her fly
wheel clear through the engine bed.
L still take good deal of pride in the fact that
Notwithstanding all these complications,
Josephine that There is good deal of fight
ing blood in both of families dating back to the
sassness rs and we did not propose to be beaten
by an under-engined. dish-wheeed wappy-axled
snaggle-g eared cross between a threshing machine
and hearse; and so we ran Josephine We ran her
q. lrs. Understands, yom diamonds as good as
ia Dour hands,"
At A. NJ. rose. swathed myself in overalls and
gloves. and retired to the shed. From then till
hideous sounds of conflict would arse-ex1losions.
shreks, grindngs, crashes dull roars, rattes, aud
demOniac chickering's all produced by Josephine at
suggestion At L would emerge from the smoke
of battle long enough to eat Il hasty lunch which
Sadie would bring out.
BY o'clock generally had Josephine subdued TO
point where several of her cylinders would work
good Geal of the time.
Ty three I had scrubbed of the grease and put on
my best clothes There would be another short
fict result OF which l would chivyy Josephine
Ont Of the shed ard around to the street Then there
81 glorious ten minutes which considered worth
TIE Struggle
Snick and snan in her summer duis and looking so
loTeiV that:sshe kent gasring with admiration,
Sadie would, sweep out from the house pongeecoated
automobieveiled. and altooether bewtching. would
hand her into the junk pile inspect 1t carelessly set