Martinsburg statesman-democrat. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1906-1921, 1911-06-02
A Bachelor 5 Trials.

a married uIan may have his tr)t :
bles-undoubtedIy does have them
but they are as nothing compared with
those which beset the path OF The
wretched beings who pdcayors to keep
"bacheor's hall" He is tired Of the
routine Of boarding house life, and so
I resolves 10 go into pleasant furnished
/ lodgings, and eat breakfast and tea in
his own apartments; dinner, of cou Sc
he can get down town. He is success
full in finding pleasant rooms in a
/ house presided over by smart, Trim
landlady, who, for consideration,
| agrees to keep his tea-kettle boiling.
| Our friend commences his new life
with high hopes; enjoys his cosy home
/ breakfast immensely. He even gives
little dinner To one or two choice
vides some highly scented cheese and
a quantity of fruit, Of each Of which a
few moUihfals are consumed. The
next evening he looks for the remains
Of his feast, and finds that cheese and
fruit have disappeared, inquiry re
veals he fact that the trim landady
LA! sir, there wasn't much left, and
| didr Z think you'd care for the leave
iHgs Of the table" Thus rerroved,
our friend can say nc more, and sub
mits, then his troubles begin; from
that time he can call nothing his own.
His drawers are Tansaeked, his wear
ing apparel appropriated, his delca-
cies consumed, his tea confiscated.
The landlady's husband wears his sec
ond best coat, her son appropriates his
choicest cane. He has no redress; any
protected bachelor or ia his landlady's
lawful prey, and submit to his doom
he must, or leave the house, which he
presently does, preferring the certain
evils of a clearinghouse to those he
may endure in this pheasant lodg
ings." "But," says one of these vic
timlzed bachelors, ''if there are aspects
in which the Systematic appropriation
OF other peoples property may awak-
en- feeling of mild regret in those
who are plundered, there are others in
which the comic elements are exceed
ingly attractive. There is. for instance,
an irresistible comedy in the gradual
disappearance of the pot of preserves
which you yourself know that yeu are
not eating. AT first fruit diminishes
slowly, very slowly. Toward the
middle of the pot the landmarks are
less obvious. and the check upon
temptation less appallngly clear.
There are dark, fathomless depths of
jam, which lure the victim on. Pre-
sently the treacherous ocean dries up,
and the spoon or the tidger begins to
bump against the shadows. Gently,
and more gently, the innocent observa-
ton, You are out of preserves, sir.
Who could resent the engaging candor
of such an announcement? Every
college man knows the familiar legend
OF the gownsmap, who BOUGHT two
half pounds of tea, and locking up one
from which he helped himself, he left
the other door open, TO which his bed
maker accordingly helped herself OF
course she got through her share much
the quicker of the two. Upon which,
one fine morning he pulled out the re-
mains of his half pound of tea, and in
a tone of gentle establishment, he SAID,
"Now, really, Mrs. Brown, you are
gong much too fast. 1 have only be.
gun my half pou d of tea, and you are
nearly at the end of yours. Can't we
manage, do you think, to pull! at the
same rate?n