davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28

Two and a Half Pounds of Iron Land
ed on My Instep.
could take a fugo by Victor Hugo and
leave it for dead in about thirty-two
bars.
At the finish of the sonata we all
applauded Cleopatra just as loudly as
we could, in the hope that she would
faint with surprise and stop playing;
but no such luck.
She tied a couple of chords together
and swung that piano like pair of In
dian clubs.
First she did my Old Kentucky
Home" with variations, until every
body who had a home began to weep
for fear it might get to be like her
Kentucky home.
The variations were where she
made a mistake and struck the right
note.
Then Cleopatra moved up to the
squeaky end of the piano and gave an
imitation of Swiss music box.
1t sounded to me like a Swiss
cheese.
Presently Cleopatra ran out of raw
material and subsidized, while we all
applauded her with our fingers
crossed, and two very thoughtful Ia
dies began to talk fast to Cleopatra
so as to take her mind off the piano.
Then the Bingledingle brothers,
known as Oscar and Victor, opened
fire on US with couple of mandolins.
Oscar and Victor play entirely by
hand. They don't know one note from
another, and they can prove 1t when
they begin to play.
Their mother believes them to be
prodigies OF genius. She is alone in
her belief.
After Oscar and Victor had chased
one of Sousa's marches all over the
parlor and finally left it unconscious
under the sofa, they bowed and ceased
firing, and then they went out in the
dining-room and filled their storage
batteries with ice cream and cake.
This excitement was followed by an
other catastrophe named Minnehaha
Jones, who picked up couple of so
prano songs and screeched them at US.
Minnehaha is one of those fearless
singers who vocalize without safety
valve. She always keeps her eyes
closed, so she can't tell just when her
audience gets up and leaves the room.
The next treat was mixed duet on
the flute and trombone between Clar-
ence Smith and Lancelot Diffenberger,
with a violin obligato on the side by
Hector Tompkins.
Never before have l seen music so
roughly handled.
1t looked like walk-oyer fCr Clar-
ence, but in the fifth round he blew
a couple of green notes and Lancelot
got the decision.
Then, for consolation prize, Hec-
tor was led out in the middle of the
room, where he assassinated Mascag-
mis- Cavalleria Rusticana so thorough
ly that it will never to able to enter
a fifty-cent table d'hote restaurant
again.
Then Cornucopia Coogan arose and
gave US few select re citations.
Just as she started to tell us that
Curfew would not ring tonight Uncle
Peter winked at me, and we sneaked
out and began to drown our sorrow.
Those musicales would be all to the
good If the music didn't suffocate
them.
Copyright by G. W. Dillingham; Coz
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28

plain so loudly that the neighbors for
miles around rushed to the rock pile
and armed themselves for the fray.
The committee of citizens attracted
by the screams of the Iawn-mower
came over to see if was killing a
member of the family or only dis
tant relative.
When they saw me boxing the ears
Of a stubborn lawn-Rower they said
my punishment was heavy enough, SO
they threw away the lynching rope
and left me at the post.
Clara J. came out on the porch and
said, John, perhaps that lawn-mower
would stop screaming if you used a
a little axle grease!"
''AIl right" l came back at her
''but it will take me an hour and a half
to find out which part of the lawn
mower will fit the axle grease"
Then I lifted the machinery up to
examine its constitution and bylaws
and about two and a half pounds OF
wrought ircn fell OFF and landed on
my instep.
The wrought iron made good.
Then | tried to stand on the other
foot, but lost my balance and fell on
the lawn-mower's third rail.
I never was so mortified in my life
as when that lawn-mower began to
saw its initials on my shin bones.
Every time tried to get up I lost
my balance, and every time lost my
balance the lawn-mower would leap up
in the air and fall on my wish-bone.
When. loving hands finally pulled us
apart / was two doors and half be
low Inconsistencies, while the lawn
mower had recovered its second wind
and was wagging its tail with excite
ment
After waiting for about ten minutes
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28

It does good to lose once in while
The question is, should the ball be
blamed?
Roy Corhan appears to be the sen
sation of the season.
These hitting bees have an unset
Ting effect upon managers.
At last Comiskey has a ball team
which is playing first-class ball.
Paul Mclean continues to make him
self solid with the st. Louis fans.
Jimmy Callahan is proving every
day that he has come back" to stay.
Even Christy Mathewson gets his
drubbings in these days of the lively
ball
Manager Tenney believes the cast
off Cubs are good enough to help the
Doves.
The cork center ball will make life
miserable for pitchers and outfielders
this season.
Only the size of the grounds is keep
ing Ping Bodie from breaking into the
home run column.
If Ty Cobb and Sam Crawford were
on speaking terms, perhaps the results
would be different.
Reulbach is still member of the
Cubs staff, and Is beginning to look
like a real pitcher these hot days.
Frank Schultz Is peeved since all
these National leaguers began to
usurp his title as the home run kid .
Briscoe Lord does duty IN the left
for the Philadelphia team when there
is a left-hander on the slab, and Amos
Strunk goes to the field when right
handler performs. Some neat figuring
on the part of Connie Mack to get his
full batting strength.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28

Can't See the Pirates.
Cant see the Pirates with a Lick
telescope" is a common expression
among ball players.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28
VIII Train Tooether-

A plan to have the Cincinnati Ma
tional and Boston American baseball
teams do their spring training togeth
ed permanently in some southern city
aud share the expense, has been
agreed upon by the owners, according
to announcement made. It is proposed
to establish training camp with a
clubhouse to be used jointly by the
teams and with two baseball fields
near by. Instead of depending on ho-
tells, the players will have their quar-
tiers and eat at the clubhouse, under
the direction of the trainers A gym
nasium will be a feature of the club.
house.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28
John Henry
Gets A Plenty
By GEORGE V. HOBART

Since Uncle Peter Grant was elect
ed mayor of Ruraldene our family
group considers it extremely disloyal
to stay in the big town for more than
four hours at time. So with us it is
a case of catching those imitation rail
road trains at all sorts of hours and
commute to beat the band
Since I became a confirmed com
muter I have sprained three watches
and two of my legs trying to catch
trains that are wild enough to dodge
a dog-catcher.
The commuters are divided into two
classes: Going and coming.
One Of the first rules for a com
muter to follow after he locates the
railroad station, and hikes there a cou-
pie of times to get in training, is to
get red and pink and blue hammock
A hammock is a necessary evil in
the country, because only by this
means can the insects become &C
quainted with the new commuter.
The day after we first put up our
new hammock Uncle Peter came rub
bering around to look it over. He was
all swelled up over being elected
mayor, and he dropped in the ham
mock with a splash. Ten seconds later
the rope exploded and Uncle Peter
made a deep impression on the stone
porch.
Every mosquito in the neighbOrhood
rushed to his assistance and tried to
lift him up with their teeth.
Then Uncle Peter ran home and
told Aunt Martha that Cinders, our
bulldog, had tried to bite him.
The national emblem of the com
muter is the Iawn-mower.
The lawn-mower was invented orig
inalIy for the purpose of giving the
lawn a quick shave, and because it
can't talk like a barber it makes a
noise like the fall of Port Arthur.
] remember the first day l decided
would trim the Vandyke beard on our
lawn Of course I got all mine, and
got it good. The result will always
live in history side by side with the
battle of Gettysburg.
The lawn-mower was sleeping
peacefully in the barn when I rushed
in and dragged it shriekingly from it's
slumbers
Perhaps it was because I forgot to
lather the lawn, but any way it was
the hardest shave l ever had anything
to do with.
The Iawn-mower began to com
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28

an observing youngster and the trip
did him world of good. He has got
accustomed to the great crowds and
the novelty of his first trip In big
league company has worked off.
In all probability Chance will use
Toney quite frequently when he gets
settled down. Toney is anxious to
display his wonderful speed, and the
care that Chance has taken in pre-
pairing him for this summers cam
paign is certain to prove advantage
Gus when the Tennessee giant strikes
his stride.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28
Few Modern Hlttino pitch.rs

Clark Griffith of the Reds regrets
there are so few pitchers in the
modern game who can hit like those
of 20 years ago. The team that has
a slamming twirler and a hard-hitting
catcher is sending nine sluggers
against seven men who can hit but
who are handicapped by two almost
certain outs, declares the Old Fox,
and the arithmetic is all in favor of
the nine who can use their bats.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28
ANOTHER FIND" OF THE YEAR
Germany" schaefer Is Hitting and
Fielding Better Than Usual
Makes Pleasing Figure.

One Of the finds of the season is
Germany Schaefer, of the Washing
tons. When he announced that he
was going to become an outfelder
and get a regular berth in the sub
urbs, he was chided for using up valu-
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28
Ed konetchy.

Ed Konetchy was to figure Bresna
han denied the report holly.
Il would not trade Ed for half OF
the New York club and McGraV
thrown in" was the way Roger put it
you can put this up as strong az
you like: l have absolutely no inten
ton of letting go of Honey My visit
to New York was on business, but moi
in relation to Honey"
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28

The house was lighted up from Gel
lar to attic AS soon as | opened the
door | found our respected mayor,
Uncle Peter, and he was also lit up.
TITS surprise, Johnny" he whis-
pered hoarsely CLARA J. is giving
an entertainment for the benefit of the
Christian Soldiers league, and it's
going to cost you two dollars to come
into your own house"
1t made an awful hit with Uncle
Peter to see me cough up those two
bones, but / said nothing and made
good.
My wife called it a musicale, but to
me it looked more like fight.
With the help of Aunt Martha and
Alice Grey, my wife arranged the pro-
gram and kept it dark to surprise
the rest of the family.
1t was such surprise to me that
felt like doing a glide to the wood
lands.
1t was. my second experience with
musicale, and this one cured me all
right.
For awhile everybody sat around
and sized up what everybody else was
wearing.
Then they gave each other the silent
double-cross.
Presently my wife whispered to
Miss Cleopatra Hungerschnitz, where
upon that young lady giggled her way
over to the piano and began to knock
it's teeth out
The way Cleopatra went after one
of Beethoyen's sonatas and slapped it's
ears was pitiful.
Cleopatra learned to injure piano
at q conservatory of music, and she
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1911-06-28
HONEY WORTH HALF OF TEAM
Manager Roger Bresnahan of CardE
nails Wouldn't Trade His Star to
New York Giants.

Roger Bresnahan, manager of the
Cardinals, was all worked up the othei
day over the report that he had gone
to New York to close a trade in which
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21
OPTOMETRISTS COMING TO OCALA

A meeting of the Florida State OPP
teal Society is called for March nth,
1911, at Ocala, Fla, meeting to be con-
vened at 10 a. m. in the Montezuma no.
tel. 1t is hoped that a full attendance
will be present as it behooves each
member to attend and show his inter-
est in the organization and use every
effort to advance the optometry pro-
fession.
a recent bulletin issued by the A. O.
A says
The increased necessity for all state
associations to stand together in de-
Tense of optometry becomes more APP
parent particularly to those who are
giving its problems careful considera-
ton.
The fact that the American Medical
Association is the power behind all APP
| position to the optOmetry laws would
seem to make it essential that the
American Optical Association stand
firmly behind the efforts of it's mem
bers who are struggling for legisla
| ton.
This means necessity for closer CO.
| operation between legitimate practi-
| TONERS in all states The true spirit
of one for all and all for one is need
| ed more than ever, and if we are to
obtain our rightful position before the
! scientific world"
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21
JOHN ANDERSON
Pioneer Of the East Coast and Well
known Hotel Man. IL Dead

81. Augustine. Fla. Feb. 2l.-John
Anderson. not only popular. but really
beloved by thousands OF friends on the
east coast and in the New England
states. passed away suddenly at or
mond Beach sunday morning al :
o'clock. He had been seriously i'll but
d few days.
Mr.. Anderson was born in Maine
ffty-nine years ago. He came 20
Florida IN 1875 and John Price. who
has been associated with him through
The years since. arrived about the
same time. The east coast was then
but d wilderness and into this wilder
ness they delved. John Anderson had
q hatchet and Price saw and axe
With those implements they fashioned
a rude hut OF palmetto leaves and
there began the career which brought
them TO where they are among the
best known hotel men in the United
states.
At the time Of his death Mr.. Ander-
son. together with Mr.. Price. owned
three OF the largest hotels in the
White Mountains while Mr. Anderson
owned the Breton Inn and Mr.. Price
the OrmOnd Hotel al Ormond.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21
WAR LOOMS LARGE
ON THE HORIZON

Washington, Feb. 2l.-Representa-
tive Hobson of Alabama inferentially
referring TO Japan, declared in the
House yesterday that the United
States might be involved in war with
in ten months.
Mr.. Hobson declared: You can
count on the fingers of your two hands
the number of months before the init
ed States would have a war on its
hands This nation is not going to
prepare and the day is coming when
il will be struck by a nation that is
prepared"
War is a visible certainty" asked
Mr.. Driscoll, of New York.
Yes, and not very far Off
In the event of war between Rus
STA and China would not Japan be fore
ed 70 intervene and would not the in
terests of the United States compel our
Intervention by arms or otherwise"
queried Mr. Hnshaw.
Mr.. HObSon replied that when Rus
STA invaded Manchuria and occupied
Port Arthur. America protested and
called on Russia to evacuate, and sent
American consuls. but we did not
have any fleet in the Pacific Ocean and
Russia laughed in our face and we had
10 stop our conSulS IN Japan before
they got to Dalney and Mukden.
whether we are struck from the
side of the Atlantic ocean or the Pa
cific." Mr.. Hobson said. I'VE are going
to find ourselves at a remarkably early
stage of war absolutely helpless"
The House had under consideration
the naval appropriation bill, and Mr.
Hobson was speaking of the necessity
of the United States adopting definite
policy.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21

The Star is in receipt OF a souvenir
supplement produced by the Lakeland
News and it's fifty pages Of well writ
ten and profusely illustrated matter,
pertaining to every interest that can
effect the growth and prosperity Of the
town is shown in this beautiful edi-
ton. Editor Hetherington is not new
to the illustrated supplement business.
as ne tried his hand at a similar work
a year ago with marked success and
so well were the attractions presented
of I.akelands desra bility as a home
and place Of investment, and the result
so satisfactory to all parties interested
that they insisted that Editor Hether-
ington try again and il is no fulSOme
fattery to say he arose equal to the
occasion and his late booster edition
for peerless Lakeland j. all TO the
good and in our way OF thinking, just
several nOtches in advance of his last
years effort. The supplement IS SO
beautifully gotten up and so attractive
in all it's details that a copy falling
into a strangers hands will instinct
lively turn him toward sunny Florida"
and Lakeland will be his objective
point. Two illustrations are very
pleasing to US; one is the cut Of Mayor
w. r.. Jackson, whom we saw often
and whom we knew well when he was
a factor in the material affairs Of Cit
rus county some years ago. and the
other a picture Of Mr. Fl. c. Stevens,
an Ocala boy. no went TO Lakeland
several years ago, embarked in the
jewelry business and has made good.
Here's to the Lakeland News illus
trated souvenir supplement and all
ANYTHING
production of it's pages. Mr.. A. S. J.
Mckinney, a former resident Of Stan
ton, a merchant and orange grower of
the place and still owner of a fine
grapefruit grove, adorns it's pages, as
does the likeness OF Mr.. Alexander
Holly. in years past a prosperous mer-
chant of Eureka, where he was man
ager of one of Marion cOuntys ALI
ance stores.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21

The Star had a pleasant call this
morning from Mr.. Lewis King. of Co
lumbus, Ind. Mr.. King is an old vet
eran, having served with distinction
in the 27th Indiana Regiment during
the civil war. Mr. King is also con-
nected with the G. A. r. department of
his state and attended the late state
encampment OF the G. 4. r. at Kis-
simmee, with which he was greatly
pleased. Mr.. King is no stranger to
Florida and in former years visited
various portions of it. On this visit
to the state he is looking up a 1oca-
ton for a home for himself and some
OF his Hoosier friends and was pleas
ed to say his decision law between
Ocala and Gainesville. Willie at the
G. a. r. meeting a Kissimmee he met
Mr.. Joe Bumby and through his per-
suasion he came to Ocala and with his
friend and comrade was busy today in
speeding our city, with which he was
charmed.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21
SOME DOWN-TO-DATE SAYINGS
BY Edgar W. Howe In the March
American Magazine

When YOU get through with your
work, for Heavens sake go off and
rest; don't bother the man who is still
busy.
One reason young people think they
have so many friends is that they new
er need them.
If you don't like this world. COM
plain TO the girl who is at home from
school for the holiday vacation: she is
running il at present.
The children who attend a certain
church in Atchison. say that the
preacher prays so long that they can
count two street cars go by.
Every great man must realize tina;
he is not as great as the newspapers
say he is.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21
SADDENEO BY THE SIGNS
MournfuI Plant of AutOist Nho
Voices the Sentiments OF Many
Other People

In my car I hurried for little pleas
ure jaunt,
To spend the day unworried in some
coy little haunt.
With the green trees arching Ger me
and natures word for law.
But. as on the auto bore me. this was
mostly what I saw:
Dime Brand Milk" "Non-Rip silk"
Try Jones Ginger Ale"
Do You Use Little's Shoes" sunny
Jim. the fastest on the rail-;
Eat at Moons Bobbitt's Prunes," Feed
with Howelrs Hay"
Eds High Ball; that is all" "Corno
makes EN- lay"
Long I looked for brook where the
flowers We're in bloom.
For some shady little nook: but my
heart was filed with gloom.
Though I saw the hillsides s1oping far
away adorned with trees
Still / wandered. vainly cropping. in a
wilderness Of these;
Better try Keatings dry" Lots 50
down"
You need not walk with that squawk
there's Hannah Shoes in town;
For those chills take Tydings' Pills
Let Frank make your suits"
sweet as Jam, Fausett's Ham" Does
you hair need roots?"
When at last the sun was sinking in
the sign board spattered west,
Toward Ocala I went sinking, dis
couraged with my quest
And that night l dreamed, oh. thunder
not of oak trees and pines.
Nor of Teddy and his blunder. but OF
thirty million signs.
kalamazoo will Cookstove YOU
Lowe Bros. Paint from red to
blue;
Babies Nope for Beck's Dope" Nor
ris, Junior. Signs"
Lead and Oil will not Spoil, use the
Dutch Boy Painter kinds
Superior Fertilizer for any crop
Take Gerig's Appetizer an6
you'll never stop"
Wear Goldman's Coats" PLANT Cham
bliss Oats" Lots on Tampa
Bay"
watch Stag Paint Stand" Buy Dit
to's Land-that's the only way.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21

The Fort Myers Press In a very eX-
cellent issue containing IL pages and
full OF local matter and up-to- da tie
advertisements, is before US, and the
beauty OF ii all is this quality of mat
ter and number of pages is not an I'M
usual thing for that progressive
weekly. Editor Ruhl years ago lived
in Ocala and worked on the Baptist
Witness, then owned and edited by
Rev. j. G. Porter. Mr. Ruhrs lines
have fallen in pleasant places and each
issue of his paper shows the marvel
Gus growth of Fort Myers and the
county of Lee Just now rumors are
busy locating a new railroad up to
Caloosatchee river to the Everglades,
which country is being drained by
canals which will soon be extended into
the Everglades.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21
OMNIBUS BILL PASSED THE HOUSE

Washington. Feb. 2l.-Filibustering
in the lower branch Of Congress dur
ing this session became a thing Of the
past yesterday when the House voted
10y a large majority for a rule which.
when invited by a two-thirds vote as
TO any pending measure. forthwith re-
duCes the time of debate to forty
minutes and cuts off all amendments
The rule was Immediately invoked
against the filibuster on the omnibus
war claims bill and that MEASURE
House substitute for d Senate bill
was passed in short order
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21
NLDRICH FAVORS RECIPROCITY

Washington. Feb. Ex-senator Old
rich. chairman of the finance commit
tee of the Senate, has written to Pres
ident Taft that he favors the confir-
nation of the Canadian reciprocity
agreement Whether the letter makes
promise of assistance in getting action
in the Senate at the present session
has not been disclosed. but senators
who have seen the letter intimate that
the Rhode Island senator will do all ne
can to aid the president in carrying
his program 10 success.
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21
INSURGENTS AGAIN AHEAD
Drove Back With Heavy Loss Fedora
Force Under Navarro

FL ra~". Texas. Feb lin ~kir-
mishes with the in>urrec;o< the fed
erals. under General Navarro. have
been driven back To within ten miles
Of the Rio Grande. The federals los,
one hundred killed and wounded while
the insurrectos' loss i slight. General
Navarro j. asking for achievements
The weather j. extremely cold 80 tina;
both sides are suffering
The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1911-02-21
Backache, Rheumatism, SIeeplessness

Result from disordered kidneys Foley
Kidney Pills have helped others, they
viii help you. Mrs. ]. B. Miller, SYRIA
cuse, n. Y, says: For a long time 1
suffered with kidney trouble and rheu-
matism. 1 had severe backaches and
felt all played out. After taking two
bottles of Foley Kidney Pills my
backache is gone and where l used to
lie awake with rheumatic pains I now
sleep in comfort. Foley Kidney Pills
did wonderful things for me-" Try
them now. Sold by Court Pharmacy.