The Washington times., 1911-01-20
Andrew and Imogene
By Roe FulkersOn.

oAhOihS lne Wr1terS OF
aphorisms and copy book
adages must eliminate two
IN the next edition." said Andrew. .arh,s
How doth the little busy bee innro,,a
each shining hour thing must ba
scratched and Go to the ant tbou sI,,.-
gard must be tossed into the discard
without call. Here's the substitute
Follow the footsteps of the navy and
you'll collar the coin.'"
don't know what you are getting
at, Andrew" replied Imogene. .'b,It
your metaphor seems a little n,ixed
The navy travels In ships as a rule.
and do not leave tracks to follow"
That's So" said Andrew, but they
leave holes In Uncle Sans poclSet-book
mat makes them figure as the frnproyi-
dent, son In this great family of ours,
This national shell game Of a man
lnVentlng shell that will puncture any
armor now In existence, and the navy
puvlng IL and then the mans brother
lnVenting an armor which the shell won't
pierce, and the navy buying the armor,
and then the shell maker coming for
ward with new shell which will pierce
the new arnor has gone on over ana
over again till a description of II reads
IKE that Abraham begat Isaac, Isaac
begat Jacob and Jacob begat' some
other fellow, part of the Bible.
But now the trouble has broken o,,t
in new place, and they have started
the ring around rosie method of snend-
Ing our money in a new way.
The new game is called the Puritan
system. We had the Puritan, an old
monitor, which wasn't so many. II
was little spawned in the back wheel
the carburetter was little BIT string
halted, and the navy had about decided
to put her in the'scrap heap, but one
of their experts had been making some
experiments with gelatin. He found
that It was not only good for puddin'
and capsules to take castor oil in but
properly coaxed II would explode, and
he thought the Puritan would make
fine target to shoot this explosive
gelatin at, so he received permission.
and they took her out in the Chesapeake
bay and shot a couple of quarts, or
pounds or yards. or however they
measure this stuff, at her The charg.
hit her in the differentiaI gear, AMI
blew out her lee scuppers and eusts-
chian tubes, and she went down Ike a
fat lady on an icy sidewalk.
So far. so good. About the time a
few families of crabs had moved in and
set up light housekeeping, a Ia Dewey,
and few terrapin had begun to live
Maryland style on her hatchways and
mizzen masts. the navy decided that
here is good chance to make some ex-
periments in raising sunken vessels. and
they hired a wrecking company to dis
possess the crabs and terrapin and
raise the Puritan and bring her in to the
Norfolk Navy Yard. For this service
the tritiins sum of $1,000 was paid, and
the District bill in the House only ap-
propriates' $500 to kill all the rats in the
District,
But that ts not half the story. The
Puritan has not yet given her cornbi-
nation imitation Of Venus rising from
the sea and the Phoenix rising from its
ashes, yet the navy people are already
figuring on what a glorious opportunity
this will be to experiment on repairing
monitor which has had her Stats
caved IN by a shot of explosive gelatin
thrown into her midriff at ten thousand
yards with a trajectory or something
of the sort, and as they have estimated
that 1t will only cost from s145,Ooo to
s250.0Oo to do the job, the next thing
you know We will have that monitor
right where We started with her and
will be at least half million dollars
to the bad on the transaction!
Then the Navy Department will take
her out and shoot another dose of ex-
plosive gelatin into her and. like the
shell-armor game, the thing will repeat
itself like history, and yet here IN the
District a heartIess Congress reduces
the salary Of Einstein, the dog catcher,
from $3.50 to $500 per year. and there
Is no one to come to his rescue,
so. love, as 1 said when you first in
terrupted me, the next edition Of the
copy books will have to scratch the
busy bee and the Industrious ant and
substitute the navy as the national EN-
blem of industry. Where those sailors
can not get money it would be useless
for a book agent to goI
They make me think Of a squirrel
in wheel cage like We used to see In
the window of the grocery store at
home. They go like the very dickens,
expending an awful lot Of time and en-
ergy and then when the spurt Is over
they are right where they started from."
Il beg your pardon, dear" said Imo-
gene, tell me over again. wasn't
listening"
Andrew, with an injured air, resumed
his book, not deigninE to reply