The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1911-10-05
HE WOULDN'T
BE A HERO
By M. QUAD
By M. QUAD
Copyright. 1911, by Associated Lit
erary Press.

WOulO De b sensible mdCCu. JOS was
given the credit of lots of "horse
sense" and no one could say that the
young woman was a bit frivolous.
That is. they couldn't until after GER
tain girl friend of hers from town had
made her three weeks visit and left
four or FIVE novels behind her when
she departed.
Those novels were about heroes, cav
alters. chevaliers and knights. They
told of perils. cOmbats and rescues.
Mrs Taylor would have chucked them
into the stove had she found them and
boxed her daughters ears besides. but
she didn't find them. They were read
at night after the rest of the family
was asleep By the time she had fin
ished the second one the girl was look
ing askance at Joe. He was sunburn-
ed and freckled; his ears were rather
large; instead Of saying prithee. he said
by gosh. In all the novels the cheva-
liers had plumes in their hats; Joe
didn't even wear a hens feather in
his old straw He had hoe on
his shoulder instead Of a lance, and he
plowed corn with an old feabitten
mare instead of riding around on an
Arabian steed.
No, Joe didn't size up for shucks,
compared to the chevaliers.
In the meadow, near the field where
Joe was blowing corn, q colony OF
humble bees had taken up their quar-
tiers in tuft of grass This fact was
known to the Taylor family, and the
farmer intended to rout them out some
evening. Bundle bees are not cheva-
liers. but they are the next thing to it.
At o'clock one afternoon, when 1t
was seen that Joe and the old mare
were hard at work. Miss Ellen put on
her bonnet and walked out to that
bumblebee caucus. At five feet from
it she halted and screamed and danced
around.
The scream reached Joe Harper's
ears, and he let go Of the pillow handles
and made for the fence. In an instant
he realized the situation, but he didn't
dash forward and fall over several
the fence and called out:
"Ellen, why in thunder don't you run
away"
"Oh. the humble bees!'' she shouted.
Eyes. but don't stand there like an
idiot! Make for the housev'
A week had passed and the stings
had been cured. when Joe got another
chance. At 2 O'clock one afternoon
Miss Ellen sat on the veranda sewing
and wondering how Joe would look in
armor and on horseback. when she
caught sight of big dog coming along
the highway on the gallop. Sire
screamed for Joe again. He dropped
his hoe and came running. but paused
as he reached the fence to ask what
was the matter.
Mad dog! Mad dogr' she shouted.
''Then climb up that ladder on to the
roof of the kitchen!"
No rushing to the rescue. no beating
the dogs brains out, no remarks worth
leaving to posterity. Miss Ellen was
furious with him. That was the reason
a rung Of the ladder broke as she was
descending and prec1pated her on an
ashheap. Within an hour the chevalier
of the hoe received word that he need
never show up at the Taylor house
again. The engagement was off.
Nov look at that!' he exclaimed
when he had been made to understand.
There was that ladder handy to climb.
I saw the dog coming and knew it be-
longed to Perkins. Was there any
need for me to break my other sus
pender? And II it had been a real
mad dog would it have helped the case
any for both of us to have been bit
ten?''
Joe stayed away. He had been told
to and he obeyed. At the end of two
weeks he took a day off to go fish
ing. Miss Ellen heard through her
brother that he was going, and she
made a little plan. She had got over
being mad at the man who wouldn't
be heroic. In fact, she wanted to
make up" She would go a-fshing
too. She wouldn't fish for fish, but for
Joe Harper The lover of other and
happier DAYS was fishing from shady
bank when she came into view. but
he was on the other side of the stream.
He watched her walk out on a strand
ed log and said to himself:
IF she gets bite and jerks up her
pole she'll sure go off that log"
Two minutes later the thing hap
pened There was nibble. jerk and
souse. and after the souse a yell
for Joe. He had been seen. The water
was only about three feet deep, and
as the girl gained her feet after the
souse she was called to:
Don't get skeart Elleny'
"Oh. Joe-Joep
"You can wade ashore easy enough"
"JOe, l shaIi-shall''-
mo. you won't"
In the six weeks following the bets
were ten to one that Joe and Ellen
would never marry, but those who