The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-08
WHO ORIGINATED
 THE FIRST JOKE? Many Modern Specimens Have Classic Origin HUMOR OF ANCIENTS
Carpathius Coming From Theatre Said in Reply to Foolish Question, No, I Was Playing Tennis
 in the Orchestra

Expressed, most nkely, III rough anu
 tumble horse play or in practical jokes,
 rather than in keen jest and witty re-
 partee.
 Very likely the first jocular utterance
 had origin in the form of criticism on
 the personal appearance, dress, manners
 or customs of others. A sort of correc-
 tive censure, one might say, on those
 who dared to depart from the accepted
 rules of the community.
 The works of the ancient Greek and
 Roman authors abound in jests. A great
 number are severely personal, of cut
 ing and sneering kind. Others are mere
 puns and verbal jests, incapable. of
 course, of being translated. But in many
 the fun depends entirely on the sense- or rather nonsense-of the thing. As we
 read them the antiquity of many of our present day jokes is brought to light In spite of their age, the humor in these classical jokes is as poignant as ever.
 For instance, this qup from ancient Greece, how appropriate Ind full of meaning in all ages:
 Archeaus, asked by talkative barber how he would like to be shaved. replied: "In silence
 And this. surely, We have heard be- fore
 Gnathene of Athens was offered some
 rather poor wine. When told that it's
 age was 16 years, dryly remarked, 'It's pretty weak for it's age.' A similar jest is related of Cicero When told at 8 banquet that the wine he was drinking was 40-year old Falernian, said: By my faith, 1t bears it's age we'll
 And here is the classical form of the womans age joke:
 Cicero, hearing the wife of a Roman patrician say that she was but 90 years | 20 years now that I have heard you say | it.'
 Just as good as ever is this irony of | 2200 years ago:
 | The painter Apelles, who lourished in I the time of Alexander, was shown pie | ture by an inferior artist who boasted of l having sketched it out in an exceedingly short s space of time. Yes, l can see that very well, said Apelles; but am surprised that you did not make several | other pictures exactly like this in the | same time"
 | We are indebted, according to tradition, | to this same Apeles for one of our com | mon phrases. The painter had listened 1 with patience and profit to a eobbler' $ 1 criticisms of the sandals in a picture. | But when the cobbler began to enlarge
 the field of his criticism to other parts | of the painting, he received this rebuke | frcm Apelles: shoemaker, stick to your I last"
 In where the shoe pinches.' the an- | cient rendering took this form: 1 There was general disapproval of the actions of a Roman citizen who had di- voreed his chaste, rich and beautiful wife. But" said he, pointing to his | foot, "here is a shoe, well made and brand new; no one but myself knows where it pinches."
 l AS today, in the days gone by, the doc 1 tors were made the target of the jester's s ! fling: | Pausanias, the Spartan general. when asked by a physician how it was that he was never i'll, eXultingly answered: Be- cause I never consult you.' | At another time Pausanias said that | the best physician was the one who dis | patched his patients with the least poar sible suffereing.
 Pausanias, strongly disapproving of a certain physician and his methods, and beratng him in no mild terms was asked by friend how, as he had never consulted that particular doctor, could he
 be so sure of his statements Pausanias
 answered, well, if I had consulted him would I be living today?" A Scythian king, seeing a man during a snowstorm entirely nude. asked him if h. were not cold. And you re- sponded the man, "Isi your face cold?" "No," answered. the King. Well. | am face all over,' was the naked man s rejoinder.
 Of law and the Jaws delays these tales are recorded.
 A woman, valnly pleading her case many times before Phillip of Macedonia, lSreoeived at every refusal the reply that he had not the time' At last her par Iuience gave out and she said to him: |s.Then cease to reign The monarch, Feeling that he had deserved this rebuke,
 immediately listened to her and rendered
 the instice that her case merited.
 Anacharsis, the Scythian philosopher.
 speaking of the laws of Solon. said:
 "They were like the web of a spider,
 very good for holding the weak, but al
 lowing the strong to escape. y sF....y
 A petty thief was being led to prison.
 Diogenes said to him: s.Fool, why. didn't
 you rob on a grand scale, then it would
 have been you that would be sending
 others to prison.'
 The absurd sight of a person. clothed or equipped with something all out of proportion to his size always gives rise to smile, if not to some JOcoSe remark. One common place jest is the one about
 the small boy wearing very large hat. Hey hat! Where are you going with that boy?" With the orator Cicero the jest took this form:
 One day, seeing his short statured son in-law wearing a long sword, he cried
 out: ''Who, I ask, has attached my son in-law to that sword?'
 Of decidedly antique flavor arc these
 two tales of philosophers:
 Archytas, the Pythagorean philosopher,
 on his return from afar found his fields
 in very poor condition. They became
 ard He said to him: "I'd give you a
 pretty good drubbing if I were rot in
 such a passion
 similar incident is told of Plato, who
 provoked by the msbehavior of slave, said to his nephew, who was standing by: Beat that slave. am in too fu- rious temper to do 1t. Ancient writings are rich in legends of
 Dionysius the Elder tyrant of Syracuse. He wrote poems and tragedies. Once he sentenced Philoxene to hard labor in the puarries for daring to criticise poetcal composition from the royal hand. Dio- nysius after a time sent for Philoxene and had read to him the second time this 1 poem. To the first few lines Philoxene listened with patience but the reading had not gone much further before he rose and dashed for the door. When asked where he was going. he exclaimed: ,Back to the ouarries Your Majesty A;Ar,x- ct1a xyf Sh .