The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-09
Dinner EPISODES,
Odd Happenings That Helped to
Spice the Meals.
THE WORM THAT DIDN'T TURN

II Spoiled q Funny Story For q Wo-
man Whose Pet Horror Is Anything
That WriseIes-A Distracted scien.
list and a G~astronomic Calamity.
At a dinner party n night my host
and | were in the midst of an Interest,
ing conversation when l noticed a
movement in the lace c%enterpiece
which lay under a pot Of growing
tulips. The lace was pushed aside, and
straight toward me wriggled a fat red
earthworm. If l have a pet horror It
is for anything that writhes. My host
was nearing the point Of a funny story
when | caught sight of that strange
intruder on a dining table. He reach.
ed the end Of the story aud laughed.
l bell. re l laughed. but to this day !
cannot tell what that story was about.
/ sat watching the gymnastics of that
lively specimen of fish bait. In forty
seconds it was due to tumble into my
lap. There was no waiter near. The
reptile was hidden from my host by a
| soup plate. The man at my right was
absorbed in conversation with a WON.
an beside him. The worm had almost
| reached the edge Of the table when |
had an inspiration. | turned a red
wineglass upside down, for the waiter
was approaching with a napkin wrap
ped bottle.
Have you turned White Ribboner?"
asked my host.
For tonight l have" Where my
voice came from l do not know; neither
do | know how | ever sat out that
meal listening to a host who tried his
level best to entertain a dull guest
and watching a frantic fishworm try
to break it's way out of Jail. Some
how growing plants on the dining
table have gone out Of favor in our
house.
A dear distracted old scientist l
know keeps his wife on the anxious
seat every moment when they dine
out. She is prepared for any ridicu-
lous thing he will do. No n ever
possessed finer breeding or gentler
manners than the good old professor,
but his fits of abstraction are likely to
descend on him at any moment. His
| ."4AC tCIlo u OlC SAPOAACANSs
Zone night she says, II lectured
John all the way home from a dinner.
l was trying to make him understand
that pate shells were intended to be
eaten. If it had been a caterers
meal I should have thought nothing
about it. but our hostess was a fine
cook. and she had just announced
proudly that we were having some of
her own puff paste. Everybody ate
the pates except John. With the
greatest care he scooped out the
creamed chicken and left the shell.
He was horribly distressed over 1t.
If l had only known. my DEAR he
said. that the thing was intended to
be eaten. that it was really food and
she made it, l should have shown my
appreciation
"'Remcmber it mex time, them
said.
"a week later at another dinner
John was seated opposite me. !
glanced at him curiously after the
dessert came on. for be seemed to be
In the throes of a choking fit. 1mag'
! Inc, If you can, my horror. He was
trying to masticate the paper case OF
a charlotte russo. There was only
, one thing I could do-call him to order
as one would have done a child. ]
could not sit by calmly and watch him
choke to death. Dinners are frequent
~ stupid affairs, but that n was moi
after I had explained the situation t.
a tableful Of people. Fortunately Johr
I Is so brilliant that his absentminded
ness is considered a natural adjunct
I to genius"
= my husband" said one woman. ii
the funny nan at a party when tn
mood happens to seize him. One nigh
' after playing bridge we filed out to tn
dining room, where we were seatet
about the table for supper. From
the corner where my husband sa
q came gales of laughter. He had turn
h ed conjurer and was making every
a thing disappear. from salt spoons to
water decanter. When things wer
found it was in the most remarkable
~ places.
Il "a week later while searching hi
clothes for soiled handkerchiefs-tha
a is a regulation Monday morning tasl
in our home-I heard something rattl
If in his dress coat. From an insid
Il pocket l drew two silver forks. tire
y teaspoons and a salt spoon. The
- were marked with various initials
None of the stuff came from our side
y board. My husband was out Of tow
u and l spent a few perplexed hours. A
a idea suddenly dawned on me. | wral
ts ped up the silver, put on my hat an
q went straight to the hostess of our las
card party. Thank goodness sh
cried. I have nearly had nervou
!, p%rostration over the loss Of thes
- things. Servants have been ~suspectet
l hired a man to go over the garbae
Is dump. and the whole house has bee
turned upside down In our search.
it had been my own silver it woul
not have been so bad, but it was DO
$1,000 --..Nl 81 -. "a