The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1911-02-11

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To the Kind Gentleman Who Sends
Me Daily Bulletins Regarding the
Golden Dream Oil Well Far Out in
California and Who Is Willing to Let
Me in on the Ground Floor-Esteemed
and Respected Sir. cannot thank you
! toe much for the deep, the almost pa.
| thetic interest you so kindly exhibit
in my welfare Every morning | re-
ceive great fat letter from you con-
tanning the lat est information regard.
ing how many millions of carloads OF
oil the Golden DIeam well is going to
spout after you bore down two feet
and half more.
| have received so many OF your let.
tiers and read them so enthusiastically
that am in a highly nervous state
over the downward progress of the
drill into the hard rock. Why must |
wait from day to day to receive news
from the Golden Dream?
You are so interested in me you
must certainly appreciate how excited
! am about your oil well that | know
you will not think am imposing on
you If ask you to come up to my
house, say at l or 2 o'clock every
morning and drop in and tell me the
very latest news you've heard. You
say in your circulars that you re ,eive
reports every hour of the day and
night on the progress of the drill
down into lake of oil so big that it
will make the Pacific ocean look like
the lagoon in Lincoln Park.
II you cannot come up to the house
at night to tell me how things are
going, why can | not come down and
sleep in your office? Then every time
the drill goes down a half inch or the
| diggers stop for lunch, or the fore
man goes over to the Brindled Cat sa-
loon for drink, of Mike Dugan, who
runs the donkey engine, takes fresh
bite of tobacco the night clerk in
your office can dash over to where
am sleeping and throw ice water in
my face and wake me up and break
the news to me.
don't feel as If | am going to be
able to stand this horrible suspense
any more. Think of it, have to wait
twenty-four hours after | receive one
letter before get another. And your
clerks are getting terribly careless.
They have sent me the facsimile of
the same night telegram six times in
succession. This says that the drill Is
boring through the hard rock and Is
only few feet from the sand and
the oil lake.
But why doesn't the drill keep on
drilling? Is the foreman waiting un.
til | buy ten shares of stock? Pm
afraid, from the way your letters read,
that that is the trouble feel as If
| were blocking the wheels of pro-
gress. | know | ought to have bought
those ten shares long time ago,
when you first wrote to me and /
saved all my pennies, and walked
downtown, and cut out stogies, and
took all my lose change home and put
it in little tin bank. And then, Just
when | would think | had about
enough saved up, my wife would shake
the bank and go out and squander the
ten shares of stock on beefsteak and
a half peck of onions.
I'm sorry about this. wish you
would wire the foreman not to think
about me, but to go right ahead with
his boring after that oil You've got
me all worked up over this. It's more
interesting to me than one of Bob
Chambers continued stories. | wait
every day for the next installment.
You explain to the foreman that
wanted to buy those ten shares, but
you know how women are have
read your letters to my wife and
pointed out to her the part about my
being able to walk up and slap j.
Pierpont Morgan in the nose as soon
as you get that drill down through
the hard rock--that is, IL | own ten
shares of stock in the Golden Dream
II | only own five shares OF stock
don't suppose | can do anything to
J. Pierpont except to jostle him off
the walk or kick him in the shins.
But my wife is an awful pish-tusher.
| ought to say right here what a
pleasure your letters are to me, out.
side of the assurances they contain of
making me the greatest money king
in the world. ! like the warm cordial
way in which you address me. You
talk like my mother used to do when
she was trying to lure me out from
under the house so that could re.
| Ceiye needed disciDlinp Thought