Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-11-23
BUSINESS is
BUSINESS
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1911, by Associated Lit
erary Press

The village of Exter numbered 1000
Inhabitants and was accounted an in
teresting place. That was why George
Bailey. who had just graduated as a
dentist, opened parlors there. 1t could
be figured as straight as n string that
1900 men, women and children had
teeth enough to keep three dentists on
the hump.
1t was only natural that Mr.. Bailey
should observe the teeth Of the people
he had come among. He met per-
haps a dozen in the 1000 whose teeth
were In good order There was no
doubt that the graduate had come to
the right spot n'a struck soft thing.
A week went ny and Mr.. Bailey
hadn't had a customer. Then a second
week passed Then he went about to
inquire what was the matter. lie ran
up against a grocoS. who told him.
"Why. ] supposed you knew all
about IT," said the grocer. Some six
years ago n dentist set up here, and in
pulling n tooth for old Mrs. Joyce
he pulled her neck out about two feet
long, and she died next day. TOO
much neck, you see. The dentist had
to fly for his life. Since that date none
of us dare patronize dentist"
At the end of the third week Mr..
Bailey offered to fix the teeth Of a min
lister for nothing The minister said
he was much obliged, but he hadn't
yet fulfilled his mission on earth.
Did Mr. Bailey set his office aflre
and then go out and hang himself?
Not at all. lie knew just what to do
in such case, and he did II. He went
up to Chicago and walked out bit
until he found Professor Donaldson
The professor was the champion pain
less tooth puller OF America BY day
he was In his office; when evening
came he dressed up as harlequin
and drove about the streets and pulled
teeth without charge. Mr.. Bailey and
the professor had long and chummy
talk together, and an agreement was
reached, Three days after the talk
the dentist was back at Exter. A day
later the professor followed. He had
wagon and music. He had flags and
banners and prancing horses. He had
the whole town on the street, and he
delivered lecture on bad teeth.
Bad teeth were responsible for head
aches, fiatulcncy, dimness Of vision.
loss of memory. blliousness, liver com
plant and score OF other things. Bad
teeth filed graveyards. Bad teeth pre-
vented happy marriages. Bad teeth
caused half the crimes committed. Bad
teeth caused 10000 divorces per year.
It was because of the bad teeth OF
the soldiers that Germany conquered
France. 1t was only u lecture on bad
teeth and the results this evening. To.
morrow evening the professor would
show the good people of EXtcr what
true phlanthropist he was. There
would be something doing. and 1t
shouldn't cost any citizen cent.
When the next evening came the
professor made few general remarks
and then offered to pull teeth free of
charge 1t would be painless. If any
one felt the slightest twinge of pain
that person was to be presented with n
five dollar gold piece. Aye. the pro-
fessor would do better than that. He
would furnish sets of false teeth Mt
the low prize Of 81 n set. Single teeth
would he only 20 cents each, No more
headaches in Exter and the death rate
reduced 80 per cent.
Three evenings 1t took the professor
to reach the hast tooth No hurt, and
nobody out cent There were few
people who sympathHcd with Mr.
Bailey aud called to tell him So, but
he had folded his tent and gone or
fishing, and II was n long fortnight be
fore he returned What of the people
who had got something for nothing?
They had had from one to six teeth
extracted Many Of them were ION
their gums" alone Scores were lisp
ing as they talked. other scores ut
tered hiss MS they started out to talk,
For three weeks they went about pat,
ting each other on the back and call
ing Professor Donaldson the friend of
humanity. Then 1t suddenly occurred
to some one to ask when he was going
to return and make good. He had
been indefinite about the date, They
rushed to the office of Dentist Bailey,
but he could tell them nothing beyond
the fact that he had the best kind OF
luck fishing, Letters were written to
the professor. but they remained un-
answered. A committee was sent 70
Chicago, 100 miles away, but II failed
to find its man.
Then you must see what happened
Dentist Bailey was ready for the rush
that came. He had secured an assist
ant In anticipation. His stairs groancd
under the weight OF callers, They
wanted to be fitted from two from
teeth to all their mouths would hold
There was work for year ahead, ant
there was money in the work. 1t was
weeks and weeks before one man II
Exter would take another mans word
but had TO have everything In writing
When n man Kisses and lisps ant