davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
Maybe the Sphinx
Heard All of These
RICH UNCLE

Young Doctor-Hello. old chap! DON'T
believe I have met you since We were
boys at school. You're looking prosper
Gus.
Young Lawyer-Yes; rich uncle dieo
two wears ago and I came into posses
sion of nearly 100000.
Young Doctor-Why, I wasn't aware
You had a rich uncle.
Young Lawyer-Oh, he wasn't my un-
Gle. He was the uncle of one of my
clients.
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
Didn't Get II

And did you call on that woman for
her gas bill today?" asked the man.
ager of the office.
'.Yes, SIR" replied She green collector
And what did she sayT'
she asked me to take a chair
And did your
mo. l told her you wouldn't accept
ANYTHING but moaey in payment
The Washington times., 1911-04-22

WONDER why II is that the
woman with money turns nasty
! when the riffs in the matrt-
monial Lutte begin to sound. 1t
happens so frequently that a good
many sensible men hesitate about
marrying girls who have means of
their own.
You do not hesitate TO make 1t
very clear that your new home was
built with my money" You never
think far enough ahead. when you
emphasize the fact that your
money" pays for a good many Of
the luxuries of your menage, to see
that you are Offering a good big
boost to the conclusion Jumpers.
You make it easy for them to
think that your husband does not
make a living" AS a matter Of
fact, he may be making a very good
income.
The Decent Thing to Do.
Naturally, a man who neither
houses nor clothes his family can
be accused Of not making their
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
The Surging Mob; Or,
Guilty Either Way
Daily Shortest story.

Black. scurrying clouds scurried
across the sky. and the occasional rat
tie Of thunder ratified occasionally.
Orninous. Ominous.
The surging mob stood on its feet
and on each others and surged. The
surging could be heard for miles The
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
WHEN NOAH WAS A BOY

A cunning little whuffet followed him
home from school one day. His mother
wasn't very keen on keeping the beast.
but Noah tipped it off to her that the
quadruped would come in handy when
he began collecting his Hagenback ami
mails for the ark show.
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY

Overheard outside the Coliseum:
II never knew there was Joan In
the Ark"
"Oh, yes. One of Noah's daugh-
ters"-The Pink I'm.
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
Disqualified

Patience-And you say she left your
college?
Patrice-Oh. yes: you know. she was
tongue tied and she could never hope
to use our college yell.
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
Roth Wanted

"Har' shouted the rich man, peering
cautiously over the stairway, Il want
youF'
"Well," chuckled the burglar, reach
ing for the silver, I'm at your service,
sir
The Washington times., 1911-04-22

..Do Won know what time 1t is?
asked Mrs. Peeved, as her husband
closed the front door and put the key
in his pocket.
Must be nearly II o'clock. petty,
replied Mr.. Peeved, but then, the
train from New York didn't leave
until
New York; repeated his wife
"Do YOU mean to say, John Peeved
that you didn't come home to din
ner, and stayed away until midnight
because"
Sent a Telegram
''Didn't you get my telegram" In
terrupted her husband. You must
have got my telegram, petty"
NO, I didn't get your telegram"
snapped Mrs. Peeved. Blame 1t or
the telegraph company, now"
Petty" said Mr.. Peeved, in hurt
voice, IF wasn't such an easy-goine
man. I'd walk right out of this house
again. Here l come back from IA
tiguing business trip to New York tc
make a few extra dollars for you tC
spend, and I'm greeted at the door
how?
With a smile and a kiss? No. NO
You almost bite my poor, tired heac
off because the telegram l sent you
telling you why l wouldn't be home
The Washington times., 1911-04-22

tac my middle Somebody said that tact IS sayn y
the right the night tune but tha ony nan
Mostly Belle tact refrainin from sayn the wrong
thing time
Just for an Illustration
Won know it amt nv brag, Belle but-wel tact is
for illustration, Bill t the
house last night and got and thing led to
another and Bill kiss don't pretend Belle that
kissed nobody except their mothe
but I'm no kid any and when fellow kisses me now " DC
of matrimonial dinner and free lunch
WHY Bill" says laughin, the that kisses me Is
now Bits very serious, Belle but-wel he amt quite ready
vet though that point where considers hes got rsh
- he os And that tactful remark of just enough to
Get him right without feel that he'd either committed him.
self made awful mistake l.. A.. --o,,a
Now slapped his face Playfuike but that woud a.
wanted him to chase me around the
oom and steal the Or could "a ratified off Laura Jean LIBBY
would been 0u
prd bv he out the door half through ben his
stars he'd discovered it in time L.: l. .4..
' Relic both know that the next time he tries
::1o - eetu however the goes
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
Beautiful Beach Guards

Getting up our prospectus, I see.'
Yes; what can we offer this year
to get men to the beach?'
Hire some athletic girls and ad-
vertise lady lifesavers."
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
OUR DEVIL WONDERS

If In the good old days, when the
Arcadians were matched to cross bats
with the Satyrs, ]. Pluvtus was as
popular as he is now, when he crabs
game in the big league?
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
M A ME TELLS S BE L L E
It's All In Refraining From
Saying the Wrong Thing and
YOU CAN'T ACQUIRE TACT

KNOW one little word O four letters, Belle that
covers more territory than any other word in the
dictionary. It's tact. If it came to a choice be-
tact every time, if stopped to reason it out. IT.
What is it gets the ugly girls husbands, Belle
and the dinner sponger cordial invitation to come
again? Tact. That's all, Belle, tact. Iacts like
common sense-you got to be born with it or you
amt got it That's the funny part about tact Belle
everybody thinks they've got it by the barrels but
really it's as scarce as charitable dyspeptlcs.
aki1rn To Relle
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
Volunteers By Thousands
Beins Sent to the Front

body of 1000 men was thrown for
ward from Harrisburg by the midnight
train to the first bridge on the North
ern Central Railroad running to Baltl-
more. which has been destroyed. These
troops are to be followed by 800 regulars
from Carlisle, and by Sherman's battery
of flying artillery. and 1000 more voiun-
teers will join them tomorrow.
The steamer State of Maine arrived
at New York this morning, having
landed the Fourth Massachusetts, regt-
ment of volunteers at Fortress Monroe.
The steamer Star of the West was
boarded off Indianola, La, on Wednes-
day last, by the Galveston volunteers,
who captured her without resistance.
The Washington times., 1911-04-22
The Northern View
April y. 1851 Monday

General Keim and staff have been
ordered to report to Harrisburg at
once, to take charge OF the troops sta
toned at that point. They left Wash
ington yesterday morning, and arrived
late in the evening, travelling eighteen
miles from Baltimore in a carriage
They found five bridges destroyed on
the Northern Central Railroad, and
were ten hours on the way from Balti-
more. Intense excitement prevailed in
that city when they left.
Sherman's federal battery, and also
the Reading artillery, consisting OF
four guns, will reach Harrisburg about
midnight. Numerous companies of vol
unteers from Ohio have arrived there
during the past few days.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06

When you want lawn mower try
one Of those new styles at Gillian
& Bisbee's.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06
FREAK SHADOWS.
4 Peculiar Phenomenon That Has a
Simple Explanation.

Feou1ar Fnenomenon hat fas
Simple Explanation.
In the crude oil producing regions in
California there are scores Of large
ponds of this material. After being
pumped to the surface the petroleum
is emptied into depressions in the
earth, where 1t remains for a time
Later the crude oil is placed in bar.
rels, in large metal cans or else in big
reservoirs. These oil ponds are known
as ''sump holes"
There is one peculiar thing about
these 'sump holes" and that is in the
way of producing what are known as
'freak shadows" These are real
shadows, but notwithstanding this fact
they are decidedly "freaky." If the
sun is brightly shining and a per-
son stands for few moments on the
margin of the "sump hole" so that
his shadow falls on the surface of the
petroleum and he then quickly changes
his position the dim shadow remains
just where it was originally cast. In
other words, the shadow does not
follow the substance"
This may seem like a paradox, but it
is true. The instant a person shifts
his position his shadow is again cast
in a new place, yet the former shadow
remains unchanged The longer a
person stands in one particular spot
the longer will the former shadow be
visible.
Hundreds Of experiments have been
made along these lines, and every time
the same results have been produced.
The simple explanation for this phe-
nomenon is that under the hot sun
gas is being constantly generated
down in the body of the petroleum.
and it rises to the surface in the form
of little minute bubbles. So very
small are these bubbles that they are
scarcely visible to the naked eye. Mil
lions of these wee bubbles are rising
to the top all the time. when the
bubbles break and the gas is liberated.
passing into the air.
Both the gas and bubbles are so
very supersensitive to the temperature
that even ones shadow cast for a
moment across them is affected. The
temperature is lowered. Whenever the
substance quickly changes position the
shadow remains until the rays again
warm up that spot and the shadowy
outline slowly fades away. OF course
the 'freak shadow" may be seen for
only a very few seconds.-Scientifc
American.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06
A FLAME OF PAIN.
The Shock That Comes With the Bite
of the Electric Ant.

The Shock That Comes With the Bite
of the Electric Ant.
When you happen to sit down to
rest or take notes near a colony of
electric ants some wandering hunter
is sure to find you and come cautious
1y forward to discover the nature of
the intruder and what ought to be
DONE If you are not too near the ant
town and keep perfectly still he may
run across your feet few times, over
your legs and hands and face, up your
trousers, as if taking your measure
and getting comprehensive views, then
go in peace without raising an alarm.
If, however. q tempting spot is offered
or some suspicious movement excites
him a bite follows. And such a bite.
fancy that a bear or a wolf bite is
not to be compared with it. A quick
electric fame of pain flashes along
the outraged nerves, and you discover
for the first time how great is the ca
pacity for sensation you are possessed
of. A shrek, grab for the animal
and bewildered stare follow this bite
of bites as one comes back to con-
sciousness from sudden eclipse.
This wonderful electric ant is about
three-fourths Of an inch long. Bears
are fond of it and tear and gnaw
its home logs to pieces and roughly
devour the eggs, larvae, parent ants
and the rotten or sound wood of the
cells. all in one spicy acid hash. The
Digger Indians also are fond Of the
larvae and even Of the perfect ants, so
I have been told by old mountaineers.
They bite off and reject the head and
eat the tickly acid body with keen
relish. Thus are the poor biters Bit
ten, like every other bitter, big or little.
in the worlds great family. John
Muir in Atlantic.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06
ron Smart 70 Rs a Lamxsr.

B. Davis Noxon was one of the ablest
lawyers in central New YoEk. A young
man entered his Office as student and
was given Blackstone to study. At the
end Of a month he asked Mr.. Noxon
what he should read next do you
understand Blackstone?" YES" was
his answer. Read Kent" was the or
der. In another month he announced
that he had finished Kent and What
next?" "Have you read Blackstone and
Kent?" "Yes" do you understand
them? Yes "Well." said Mr. Nox-
on, "you had better go at some other
business; you are too smart to be a
lawyer. ."-Boston Herald.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06

Neither should a ship rely on one
small anchor. nor should life rest on
q single hope.-Epictetus. ..IA,aau-
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06
HELPFUL Words.
FROM uEPpSER CITIZEN.

EHOM n H EER-NGN " = AAA@+
Is your back lame and painful?
Does it ache especially after exertion
Is there any soreness in the kidney
region?
These symptoms indicate weak kid
neys;
There is danger in delay.
Weak kidneys fast get weaker.
Give your trouble prompt attention.
Doan's Kidney Pills act quickly.
They strengthen weak kidneys.
Read this Heppner testimony.
Mrs. NJ. E. Barton, of Heppner, Ore
gon, says: "I do not know of better
kidney medicine than Dosn's Kidney
Pills. We hHve used this remedy in our
family for the past two years and it has
proven so effective in relieving kidney
complaints that consider it my duty
to give this public statement"
For sale by all dealers. Price so cents.
Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo. New York,
sole agents for the United States.
Remember the name-Doan's-and
take no other.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06
Always Busy.

"And you are really settlement
workersT interrogated the housewife
as she handed each Of the wanderers
a wedge Of pie.
"Yes. num-" responded the dusty
spokesman. with a low bow, I'VE work
every settlement we come to."-Chi-
cage News.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06

Get one of those Vacuum carpet
cleaners at Gillian & Bisbee's and
try it, If you like it, buy it for $500,
you think it is not what it ought
to be, return it.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06

W. E. Pruyn and A. M. Slocum
returned Friday from a visit to
Desolation lake, whittier they had
been in quest of pleasure for per-
iod of ten days.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06

An unlimited market for poul-
try. The Portland market Is yours.
We haYe arranged with Portland
connections to handle all the chick
ems we can get. Minor & Co.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06
The Wsv He Took IL

Kindly Landlady ito the new board
er)-How did you find your bed. Mr..
Inlate? Mr.. Inlate (taken aback)-Oh.
dash it, ma'am! l was not as bad as
that.-London Tit-Bits.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-07-06
Nothing Lost

81 hear she doesn't like me with a
mustache."
"Going to shave It Of, 1 s'poseT'
''Oh. no She never liked me."-Kan-
eas City Journal.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

Scores of farmers living in the
country surrounding Hibbing, Tower
and Ely swarmed in upon the county
commissioners of St. Louis county
last week and emphatically declared
that unless good roads we're con-
structed so that they could readily
market their products they would be
compelled to abandon their farms.
They had waited six years, they said,
for good roads and their patience had
become exhausted. In this one in
stance can be found the prime reason
why northern Minnesota lands find no
more settlers-the absence of good
roads. Build the roads and the lands
will not 60 a'begging for purchasers.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

"Governor Eberhart and his staff
Of uniformed cavaliers made a verv
imposing sight as they led the great
procession, says a Minneapolis
paper. No one will deny that the
governor made an imposing sight.
for be is naturally man of imposing
mien and sits charger like a life
guardsman. But his "cavalierso-
his staff of colonies. Ye gods! Thew
are the laughing stock of the state.
Talk about an awkward squad. There
isn't bunch of raw recruits in the
country that does not know more
about military tactics than this as
sortment of bandy-legged, short and
tall, fat and lean, mismatched
cavaliers"
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

A word to Governor Eberhart: The
members Of the state board of control
have great deal of important bust
ness that demands all their time and
attention. Why oblige them to neg
lect their pressing duties in investi-
eating the superintendent of a cor
regional institution where less than
two per cent of it's inmates ever COM
planned of the management? The
youths sent to the Red Wing reform
school are not sprouting angelic
wings; they are sent there for the
reason that they are regarded as in
corrigible at their homes. The states
money should not be expended for the
purpose of gratifying the whims of
disgruntled politicians, maudlin
long.haired men and hysterical short
haired women. Ring down the cur
tain and end the farce.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

United States Senator Swanson of
Virginia is a good roads enthusiast
who has given much attention to the
study of the problem. Last week, in
the senate chamber, Mr.. Swanson
urged that an annual appropriation
of 500, 100000 be made for five years
to improve the post roads and rural
delivery routes throughout the
country. He explained that under his
plan the total would be divided
among the states according to popula-
ton and that these states, or the local
authorities, would furnish an amount
equal to that appropriated by the
federal government. By this means,
said he, more than 100000 miles of
roads would be open to government
aid. We're the government to expend
more money on such projects as that
urged by Mr.. Swanson instead of
squandering it to dig up old hulks
from the sea bottom it would escape
much unfavorable criticism.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

The state of Wisconsin is going into
the life insurance business, bill
passed by the legislature empowering
commission to write policies rang
ing from 500 to $4,000 having been
signed by the governor. The main
tenance Of the commission and the
cost OF conducting the business will
be borne by the people of Wisconsin
as a whole. How this scheme will
work is conjectural. It looks one
sided and unfair from the fact that
taxpayers who do not insure with the
state will be compelled to contribute
their share toward the maintenance of
the commission.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

After all some good has come out of
the Bren defalcations. Had he not
carried on his populations and been
caught at his game the public would
probably never have known of the
abominable laxity permitted to exist
in the financial department of the
university as disclosed by John
Barry, expert accountant. There is
no obvious reason why these ir-
Irregularities should not have been
unearthed ere this, as the books we're
audited periodically by men from the
public examiners Office. However,
these men turned in reports which
purported to show that the finances of
the university we're o. Kan utter
impossibility in view of later dis
closures.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

1t having been found by General
Bixby, chief of the governments eugi-
neer corps, that the Maine was
destroyed by an explosion from the
inside, the question as to whether it
was blown up by Spain or rot is as
far from solution as ever and will in
all probability never be known. It
would have been possible for an agent
of the Spanish government to plant an
Internal machine, regulated by clock
work, on the Maine when many of the
crew were ashore, as they were upon
the date Of the catastrophe: or the big
battleship's destruction may have
been caused by accident. Even had it
been found that she was blown up
from the outside it would have been
no proof that the Spanish government
was responsible for the deed-it could
have been committed by anarchists.
Hence, we have gained nothing by ex-
huming that old hulk. In fact the
discovery that she was blown up from
the inside will naturally have a ten
dency to create among Spaniards a
bad feeling against the United States
for charging them with the crime.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

If the Marshall News Messenger
and AIinneota Mascot are to be be-
lieved, and we see no reason for dis
believing them, they must have an
army of road-butchers in Lyon
county. These newspapers maintain
that the local road authorities are
buslly engaged in despoiling the
roads instead of lettering them. It
certainly does not improve road to
pillow great sods and dump them into
its center. Such a road is bound to
be uneven and rutty. The local road
authorities as general rule do the
best they know how, but the lower
regions are paved with good inten-
tions. There is only one remedy:
the local road authorities must be
shown how to improve the highways
by men who know how. The state
must furnish the instructors. The
advocates of the cause of good roads
should not be discouraged. There
may be dark spots here and there but
throughout the state as whole there
is noticeable change for the better
in the condition of the country roads,
and this year especially there is q
great revival in road-improvement.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13
DALBO,

Miss Margaret Walin and Florence
Hedlud called on Florence Bergquist
on Sunday.
Misses Mabel, Florence and Vivian
Carlson, who have been visiting at A.
Hedstrom's left for Minneapolis on
Monday.
Mr.. and Mrs. A. Hedstrom came
home from Waverly on Thursday.
They had been visiting friends and
relatives there.
Mary Sohlin called on Minnie
Erickson on Friday. The girls are
making new hobble skirts, which seem
to be the fashion.
The Dalbo ball nine played picked
team of Carmody, Karmel and Oxbow
mines on Sunday. The game was of
5 innings and resulted in % to l in
favor of Dalbo. Next Sunday the
Dalbo nine will play the Maple Ridge
and Day mines at the Dalbo diamond.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

Steel barons representing the great
corporations of the world recently met
in Brussels and appointed COM
mittee to work out a plan for an inter-
national organization, such plan to
be submitted to conference at a. date
to be later named. The insignificant
matter of the courts power to dis
solve trusts doesn't worry in the least
the companies which comprise the
great American steel combine they
simply ignore it. Well do they know
that nary trust has yet been dis
solved in actually, although some of
them have been ordered to so do.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

A man in Philadelphia advertises
for sale Is volumes of the Congress
sional Record and designates them as
"a history OF the proceedings of our
representatives in session. The
Congressional Record history?
Far from it. Speeches appear therein
which were never delivered and a lot
Of things are omitted which should be
printed but are sidetracked for the
benefit of constituents. The word
Record" is misnomer and he who
considers it history OF congress
sional proceedings is badly fooled.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1911-07-13

For all trunks over forty inches in
their longest dimensions the railroad
companies will. after January l, 1912,
charge excess baggage rates unless
the wholesale houses of the country
prevail upon them to rescind rule
recently adopted. In view of the in.
creasing tendency toward the utiliza.
ton of cumbersome trunks by drum
mers the rule is evidently good one.
1t almost requires a derrick to lift
some of the trunks taken about the
country by these fellows.