Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-09-28
'em seldom git. higher than congress-


All of the gals who are disappointed
in o want to so into the manicurin'
business, while all the fellers that are
similarly disappointed, want to join the
army.
LATE Haskin's little son Clearance has
got a splendid sense of humor and LATE
is sure when he grows up he will get
II job writin forecasts for the weather
bureau.
When a Teller spends all of his time
BLOWN about what he has lone and
wha he is going to do. you kin made
up your mine that he amt doin' much
right now.
There are so many ways of getting
to heaven nowadays that there is sure
going to be an awful collision if they
all try to run into the terminal sta
ton at the same time.
Out i'm Kansas the grass is so short
that they have to lather ii and shave
1t off instead of mowin' in the usual
way. Out there they use their mowin'
machines to cut their whiskcrs.
Everything is divided excl in this
world. The piccolo player in the
orchestra has to play harder than the
bass VOL player, but he doesn't have
so much to carry home.
Grandpa Bihbins SAYS he kin remem-
Der back to the time when plush par
Tor furniture was all tho go, but it
doesn't seem AS though any Teller
could be as old as that.
1t doesn't make much difference how
much money A Teller has got just so
he has got plenty of it, and a man
doesn't have to live to be 1850 years
old to find that out, either.
It's putty night time to begin tryin'
to think up something fer to be thank
full for. which is exceedingly difficult
durin' a Republican administration
when a Teller is a Democrat.
When Lem Higgins was Down to
New York he went into a store to get
some ladies' hose and the clerk said:
Are they for your wife or do you
want something more eXpensive?"
NOw'S YOUR CHANCE FOR FAME.
Each day we must start with a verselet.
It's got to be timely and pat.
OF course 1t must never be heavy,
Blu; 1t must haYs fire at that.
There must be a plot to the story.
But every known subject is heavy
And new ones o come worth a
darn.
We've larruped Bill Taft to a finish.
We've handed Bill Bryan a few.
We've writ up the summer resorts.
We've mentioned the new ~aerOplane,
We've chastised Champ Clark and Joe
Bailey
And all OF the men that we knew.
We've spoken Of suffragette maidens
And lauded them time and again.
We've mentioned the moon gazing
And published their foolish house
talks.
We've banged ut the Automobiles
Until our typewriter balks
We've written about the lunch counter.
We've roasted the boarding house
| We've scolded the amateur singer
And said nasty things of her tune.
| We've satiriZed women's apparel.
And been too sarcastic by half.
We've mentioned the horseless piano.
And knocked the poor old phono-
graph.
We've written abou the new baby
And wiffe's first biscuits we've
slammed.
We've pitied the suffragette husband.
Whose head with new notions Is
crammed.
We've ridiculed all politicians
And that have been packed.
We've said what we could of club wom-
en-:
The night prowling husband we've
whacked.
We've even penned lines to sweet Mary,
To Mary who had the small lamb.
We've also expressed the young hopeful
Who steals to the cupboard for jam.
We've h%arpooned the%t telephone gossip;
The street car conductor as we'll.
The porters. the coppers. the BARRIERS
And others. too many to tell.
We've searched through the earth, sky
n water.
We've versiied every known pun.
And Of we have reached the conclusion
There's nothing new under the sun.
O.. list to the vail of the scribbler,
We ask it upon Blended knee.
Can't somebody start a new notion?
Won't somebody do something,
please?