Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-09-14

nnii44eshana popular songs fer a moyin'
are popular until she sings EN-.
Uncle Lem Perkins lost his meer-
schaum pipe about three months ago
and has just found it. 1t dopped into
his whiskers while he was asleep.
The trouble in this country is thai
there are too many fellers inventing
new-fangled mousetraps and not
enough holding down Study jobs.
Hold Peters has been rather unfor-
tuhlt about his sons. One of 'em writes
poetry for the magazines and the 9TH
er one can't make a living. either.
Miss Euphemia Nudge expects to
spend a week at a summer resort and
is making q fine new bathing suit out
OF a Silk handkerchief and a yard of
baby ribbon.
Bushrod Binks is here visiting Lem
Bfnks. Bushrod is LENS cousin twice
removed. He moved from here to
Peavey Junction and from there to
Spinks Corners.
They say Lots wife turned in a pill
lar OF salt, but that's nothing. just the
other day Renfrew Hanks of our Will
lage was walking Town the street and
he turned INTO a saloon.
Hank Purdy ruined a brand new pair
OF overalls one day last week by set
tin down on Il piece of sticky fly pa
per. He pulled the seat out'n 'em try
in to Nank the blamed things off.
Anne Haskins went to sleep on his
sulky pillow the other day and the old
hoss plowed a furrow clear down to
fr1sbN's saloon through force of habit.
Am has been pinched for rippin' up
the rud.
There was much CONSERVATION i'm the
Golden Nugget buffet the other morn
ing when it was discovered that some
thief had broken i'm during the night
and had stole all of the sur bonnets and
business had to be suspended until q
new supply could be rushed. in on the
first train. When the village council
passed an ordinance to the effect that
all the saloon bars must be exposed to
view from the street and all screens
could be removed the proprietor of the
Golden Nugget then struck the happy
idea of furnishing sun bonnets to all
customers. The customer would go in.
pick out a sun bonnet, put it on and
step up to the bar and have his drink
and nobody goin' by outside could see
who it was. If the council passes an
ordinance agin' sun bonnets the Golden
Nugget will have to shut up shop, but
the proprietor says they can't pass no
law maxim it a felony fer a Teller to
wear a sun bonnet if he wants to, and
it worst comes to worst every Teller
will have to wear his own sun bonnet
into the place.
MAUD MULLER.
Maud Muller on a summers day.
Raked the meadow sweet With hay.
A manager rode DER the hill,
A manager of vaudeville.
The finest raker she. l wecn.
The manager had ever seen.
He watched her for a little while
And openly admired her style.
IIe said a fortune she could make
Ia vaudeville with her old rake.
He made an offer then and there
Unto the maiden passing fair.
She packed her suitcase, said gooaby
And to the city she did hic.
Her raking stunt uroa the stage
Quite soon became the bowling rage.
OF course it was a patent fact
That there was nothing to her act.
But still they paid, quite strange to say.
To see the maiden raking hay.
She made the thousands stare ana cape
She simply got by on her shape.
She owns a high power auto now;
To spend her coin she knows not how.
This nay sound very queer, but still.
1t Is the way of vaudeville.
WICKERSHAM'S MOTTO.
Count that day lost
Whose low descending sun
Sees no new case
Against a trust begun.
SOME HOUSEHOLD INFELICITIEs.
pearl shirt studs to the laundry in the
other shirt. How am l going to hold
my shirt bosom together tonight. do
you think? / might use a little glue,
suppose"
ut seems as though you want so
cents for milk tickets about three times
a day. Are we running a soda foun-
tain lunch or what?"
ooh, yes, I get my face and hands all
soap n water then grope around in
this bathroom for half an hour with
out finding a towel. Class to that. al
ways"
"Take the stormhouse down. What's
the use? I'll only have to put it up
again nex fall. You women are SO i'm
practical"
> Salt is the cheapest thing in the
world and there is never a bit on the
table"
Ter dollars for a hat that you won't
wear more than three times and | get
n for So n wear 1t three years.
A FARMER WITH INGENUITY.
Erasmus Hardscrabble. a prosperous
farmer, had a hired man. Said II. NJ
was of a very sleepy disposition. 1t
.-- f~Ilk ,IkI 49,