davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bourbon news., 1911-06-30
Must Be Sold.

Every refrigerator. porch swing
porch chair. porch hammock must bs
sold. Big reductions. Nothing charg
ed. No stamps.
]. T. HINTON.
The Bourbon news., 1911-06-30

The installation of the Lexington
nest of the Order of Owls will take
place in Lexington July 9. Among
those who will take membership in the
order will be- NUMBER f,om Paris.
The Bourbon news., 1911-06-30
Big Combination Sale.

Wait for our big summer Combina.
tionS ale. Big list of city property
will appear next issue in the Bourbon
News.
HARRIS & SPEAKES.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

wanted me to play. 1 should have been
glad to bring my music along.
No, don't, really. It's no use pulling
me by the arm, really can't play with
out my notes. Isn't there somebody
else here than can play dance music for
you? Oh, that's too bad. but really, l
can't, really.
Want to be coaxed? The idea! as
sure you that If could play / would
or course you've heard me play dance
music before, but / had my notes
Now II my music were only here.
really, you know, I would.
It's no use my trying. is 1t, when
know ] can't do it. assure you you'd
be sorry you asked me II I ever started
You would indeed.
Aren't You going to dancer Who said
to play cards instead? I detest cards,
and / just love to see people dancing.
III tell you what I'll do. II you really
insist, I'll play a little waits II goes
something Like this:
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

bring a show like The Geri in the Ma
shine into a deesint city. and II had
my way, they'd awl, be riddin out Of
town avn rale, besides beeing tarrsd
and fetherid and berned in Oil and q
few uthir littil pienzintrees.
Ware are you going to meat Mr.
Johnson, sed ma.
In front of the theayter. sed pop, I
CESS its time TO start now. And he
got up and sartid to wawk out of the
room, and ma picked up sumthing awf
the floor and sed, Heer, you dropped
yure uckits, wy, thare for The Geri
in the Mashine.
Confownd II
Wat. the doose you say, sed pop. I
wondir how I got those tickits instsd
OF the rite wuns. Thare must be sum
mistake. Give them to me kwick and
III get them exchanged again.
No, sed ma, its to late to get iclits
exchanged now, you'll han to teleyfone
Mr.. johnson that you cant 60, that's
awl.
So pop teleyfoned to Mr. Johnssons
house, and Mr.. Johnson was hoam,
and pop sed, Its awl awf, Lew. The
man gave me tickits for The qsri in
the Mashine by mistake. and my wife
fownd them. Shes rite heer lssening
to me. Good bye. Lew. sum uthir time
Then ma tore up the ttckits, but she
kept looking at the pseses for a lawnK
time.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Vest Pocket Essays By George Fitch
The Autho, of Siwash College Tales

put you in the village smart set. and
you could give a party now and then
with ice cream. But what does $50 a.
month buy you now? Two automo-
bile tires, and you have to get credit
for the third, which blew up. on the
18th.
There was a time when $50 a month
would buy a nice house with a stable
in the back and horse block in front,
and you could have two kinds of cake
for dessert and go to Chicago to grand
opera once a year. Now $50 a month
will just about. pay. for three weeks at
a seashore hotel, and II you don't go
your next door neighbor will come in
every evening during the winter and
tell you how nice II was on the beach.
There was a time when 5000 a year
made a man so rich that he could be
kind to the poor and could give $3.50 a
year to the church, and could be uni
versally beloved because he wore old
clothes like the plain people. What
does 5000 year get you now? Just
half as much as your friends $10O OO0
gets him, and he uses his extra IS O0C
making you look like misplaced Hub
bard squash.
The high cost of living high Is caus-
Ing untold misery in this nation, and
something ought to be done in the way
OF providing the suffering prosperous
with parachutes.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

IL tonite the mite you and Mr.. Johns
son is going to the tneayter. ma sed to
pop aftir suppir last mite.
This is the large eevning, my deer.
sed pop.
Wat show are you going to see. sed
ma.
Wat. sed pop. and ma sed. sed, wat
show are you going to see.
We are going to see. Mite is Rite. sed
pop, I herd that was a crate problim
play, so / got tickits for that.
/ herd that was a good play, to, sed
ma, but ! sertenly woodent wunt eny
membir OF my family to see that terri.
bill Gerl in the Mashine.
Pop Neethir
Me neethir, sed pop. goodniss gray
shiss, but that must be a fearse show,
l was tawking to a man today that
went to see it, and he sed he wood of
gone out befoar the ferst ackt was ovir.
ony the man that was with him wuntid
to stay-awn akkount of beeing a
strangir in town and not noing how
else to spend the eevning. You coodent
get me within 2 blocks of the show, sed
pop.
/ shood hope not, sed ma. but l no
tised you was reeding the akkount Of
1t in the papir as II you was very
mutch intristed.
OF korse I red the akkount of 1t in
the papir. sed pop, sertenly. How else
Good tell weather it was fit for re-
specktible man to see. II a man Quaint
inform himself avn these things. he
sed, how is he going to no enun to
keap away frum them.
Enyhow, sed ma, IL / was mayer oi
| this city I wood arrest awl the ackters
in that show, give the man that rote
It 8 years in jale and bern the theayter.
In the werds of the ainshent bard,
sed pop, thems my sentermints. l don't
! see how peepil have got the nerve to
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

have the proper sort Of knockdown,
the little blind god doesn't have
to sit up nights watching the bulletins
on the progress. It's cinch and
usually turns out all right. There's
nothing like an introduction to pro.
vide a solid foundation for . court
ship.
Most of these unfortunate maria gee
are the results Of indiscreet nirtations.
He don't know anything about her. and
she Is takin' just as big chance a.
he is. And there you are. She walks
down the main street and looks In q
windy or drops her handkerchief and
he's on the job. Then there's the usual
chatter about mistskin' each other for
somebody else.
IT'S question of FEW days and eve
nings spent in torrid conversation, q
few suppers and a Joy ride and then
some justice Of the peace has his rest
disturbed. He ties them up and In q
couple of months there 10 another jus
tice furrowin' his brow tryin' to de-
eide whether ne shall let them loose
| SO that they can begin all over again. !"
It's All the Same
But, say" interrupted the s. 8! T.,
this isn't a society for the furtherancs
OF acquaintance. It's an amuseme ent
| company and they intend to put out
shows"
IT'S all the same thing" said tbs
g. D, K, "and ia like to lay q lonG
bet that the prominent stockholders are
| the baldheaded guys who sit in ths
first rows and tho Johns who line ur
in the alley alongside Of my door at
night. They've been wonderin' for 9
long time how they could be introduced
| to the broilers.'
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

planning until the invitations to
tell it.
Tell Her for Her Sake
promised your friendship with the daugh-
ter Of mnager-the the real boss there
DEAR can't that her chance people
gossip they will oh didn't know he is going to be married
to girl in the in JanuaryP
Can't understand that let them talk Of her and hurt
her will ranke heartbeak? with
Make her conhdane tell difficulties She
help tell the better than II think
But although writng calmly clearly and hope dispas
sonately and things from her of
aching feel bruised thrust aside and
flying of the knowledge that hid
swiftly little clouds flying those
that massng slowly but surely the horizon,
Seems ought have helped hndered
have them know fighting make home the
girl loved ought have aroused sympathy and the
tagonm that But have difficult days
ahead blame yourself for have made them
Peculiar Trait Among Men
anxious hide the bonds hold
while glories them It's
understand;
! against the all do after
generation.
this sad, perhaps bitter letter but can't
things Heen linen shower
to in
philosophy newly learned lessons in life, and all
houewfery have left only the and the
in love and the easier hurt and buse
But forgive and hope will bring letter telling
bavely told little world about and that
perhaps after all bit proud of having Good night,
dear H
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

that ! would do anything rof you. But
not that. Oh. not that. All, not that.
90. not that! would cast myself be-
fore raging autos. hurl my love-racked
body miles from hence to thence, any
thing that would give me chance in
q million to live and claim you. But.
eopherina. this that you ask is surer
than suicids''
"Tarrididdles and pish tushw she
exclaimed, curling her beautiful lips
into sneer apparently without ef-
fort. "'tis fraught with danger, l ad-
NIT, but II you loved me. aber nit
Pardon the rhyme. but you do get on
my nervesw
rs there no alternatives" he said
DULY, yet with a sharp intake of his
breath.
None"
Very we'll, then. l dill WOO it
will do 1t. Mayhap, anyway, besides,
have lived long enough. Tomorrow
will umpire your sorority baseball
camel" 49,
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Why They Didn't Grow.

A city bred man. spending the sum
mer In the, country, decided to raise
came along and leaning over the fence
hnquirl; = :, -
Well. nsirhtor, hew's your poultry
They don't seem to be, doing yory
don't appear to grow at'all"
HIN. mused the caller. What you
feedin' 'em?" q.
Feeding them" echoed the man OF
stocks and bonds. why. I'm not feed.
seven In the Io-. and thought the old
hen would have milk enough for them.'
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

II see," said the stage-struck youth,
sAthat over in Albany the other day
articles of Incorporation were filed for
an Introduce Me Company.
'Yes." said the stage doorkeeper,
'that was done, and probably another
one of those long felt wants is to be
filed. I rather imagine that the modus
sperandi, as we say in French. will be
3 good deal in the same class as that
scheme they ferreted out in Chicago
some. time ago when one. Of the min
iGts1 instituted a spooning .parlor so
that his parishioners could get ac-
Suainted.
seut the matrimonial agencies will
Aave to look to their laurels. for I've
discovered that II q man and maid
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
-HIS is lovely world; full Of
bumper crops and palatial homes.

ouhtpSI SAopo dhu poiopui hohtccs
of soft-voiced touring cars and
luxurious trains, Of good things
to eat and absorbing books to read and
jobs which get fatter every year, and
patient gon balls waiting to be abused.
The world has never been a closer imi-
tation Of Paradise, and We would all be
happy and content II 1t were not for
the high cost Of living high.
Wages are going up all the time,
but so are prices. For a nice exciting
little aviation meet there is nothing
that can equal the monthly altitude
contest between the pay check and the
price Of necessary luxuries. There was
once a time when man could 1.-Two
well on N.5o day and could take of
his worries with his socks at night.
But how can You live on $3.50 a day
now, when the Theater trust has raised
the price of tickets, to 81 a night and
there are ten times as many theaters
to be supported?
There was once time when $50 a
month was a young fortune, and a
large family. including q future Sena-
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Nice Car.

What kind Of an automobile is 1t that
Freddie GreenouSh drivcs?"
Il don't know the name of 1t. but 1t is
O. dear little machine"
"las he taken YOU out in it?'
Yes and II broke down in such a
nice. lonely place. We were there for
three hours undisturbec by anybody
Chicago Record Herald
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Thin.

my dear" said thin little Brighton
man to his wife. this paper says that
there Is a woman down South who goes
out and chops wood with her husband :"
We'll, what of It? think she could
easily do II v he is as thin as you arc
have ofteH thought of using you to
peel potatoes with."-Exchange.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Wholly Unnatural.

How very few statues that are
Yes; it's hard to get them to look
right"
How so?" 's.' 'r. r-. -
"A woman remaining still and saying
Boston Transcript. vt 80
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
A Fraud.

Mrs McCarlem-Thot piano lamp ye
sold me is no good, an OF want yez
to take II back.
Dealer-Eh Why?
Mrs. McCarlem-Divil a chune con we
git out Of it.-New York Weekly.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Getting Him Used to II. .

my future mother-in-law is really q
bit too careful. So that my fiancee shall
know what to buy after We are mar
led; she takes us both with her to the
maket every morning."
well, but what use are your"
"Oh, I pay."-Philadelphia Record.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
When You Call
Tell Her These
REAL PEACE

What we want is peace and har-
mony and politeness in business"
said Mr.. Dustin Stax. And there is
only one way to get IT,"
What is tAat?"
Find some way to convince the
fellow who gets the worst of " that
he might as we'll take his medicine
and stop kicking."
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

why don't you try to write your
name on the scroll of fame?''
my friend" said the severely prac;.-
cal person very earnestly, II have new
er yet seen anybody tearing leaflets
out of the scroll of fame and getting
them cashed at the bank "-Exchange
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Not Jealous.

Bridget" said Mrs. Hiram Offer,
sternly, IN. my way home just now
saw that policeman who was In Ghe
and took occasion to speak to him :
"Oh. shure. that's all roight, ma am.
Ofm not jealouss-Pittsburgh Leader.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Couldn't Play

'"Aunt Liza, / jes' come in to see II
you wouldn't like to jine de mission
band"
"Fo' the Ian sakes, honey, what yo
come to mo fo'2 TOn't yo know i
KANT eben play de mouf orgin?"
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Catching

she-They say there are germs In
kisses. What do you suppose a cir
could catch that way?/
He--A husband. o..
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Couldn't Fool Him

Mike Ito the alarm clock as II goe,
on)-I fooled yez that time. was moi
aslape at all.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Our Shy Pianist
Says He Will Try

NO, really don't play. know you'ys
heard me- but l mean without my
notes VI course, II I had known ysu
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

ony one Eyeaian in America he'd charge the kids
hokey poky sandwich and Chauncey Olco the
voiced Irish singer he'd be eommandn Harry Lauder prices
thing unless he thinks there's little competition in the field It's
human
easy The daughters Of rich pine
finish every meal with ice
How to Work Up the Same Effect
So, Belle if there's of present you're
but you're gon with another fellow the time
called
ony up again.
instead o the three
No. Belle, cerny don't on'y hear from him
three weeks-I maxim a remarks
If it wasn't for competition Belle wouldn't get
with boxes of smoke
they've the chance sayn the they've enough
a holder help
themselves death Competition does that for en, Bele
solitary Belle
of night hadc
petition joined would you bleve it.
could hardly hea al at
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
For Her Sake; Or,
:, Four Strikes, Lady

There was love in his eyes, but he
aAook his head He shook 1t from side
y side. Else 'twere a nod.
lido love you," he DRIED. land said
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Bubbles From the
Boiling Kettle
TOO LATE

Landlady-Are you in the bathtub.
sir?
Voice-Yes. What d'you ,wantf
Landlady-I forgot to tell you I
had IT freshly painted inside last
night, sir. and 1t won't be dry for two
or three days.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Up To Date

Howard-Is their hotel up to date7
Coward-Indeed II Is. They furnish
sleeping powders with every bedroom,
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

No Chance for Her
New Housemaid-That bakers mans
a nice-looking chap.
Cook-Him! Why, he's married.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

IAREST: 1t has been long and dreary day, and
letters are my barometer, the day was dreary be-
cause of it, and the scudding clouds flying across
the sky before the pursuing wind were not as dark
and as threatening as l thought
Dear, can't help being hurt at finding that you
have not told any one out there Of your engage
ment; that you don't know how to do it."
Oh, surely surely you might have found way
long ago if you had been proud and as glad and
as happy as over it all But, now, agree with
you it is difficult to say blunty, Pm going to be
married." especially to "her"; but don't think you
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
M A ME TELLS Ellie
When II Comes to
The Spice of Life
COMPETITIONS THE THING

OMPETITION, Belle Is the little appetizer that
keeps businessmen at tho office while their dinner
is growin cold at home.
From the cradle up, Belle, competition Is the
spice, o life: If she ever expects to darn socks
at all, a girl ought to have at least two fellows
hangin around, the right and one for COM
petition. There's nothin like the presence of
another fellow the scene of action when Il
comes to joggin' into askin you to hang
your pufs on his gas jet till the moon grows old
and the stars grow cold.
If it wasn't for competition, Belle, you'd have
IN 60
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

are quite fair in planning to wait until the 81
tell it. ..'
Tell Her for Her Sake
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-04-21
Edna Goodrich Writes Novel

New York, April 21.-Miss Edna
Goodrich, emulating the example of
her former husband, Nat Goodwin,
has written a novel. Today she took
her manuscript, which she says lis
hand made''-no typewriter version
to a publisher who has practically
accepted it. The book is entitled
THE Deynard Divorce" 1t is just
a plain old fashioned novel. Miss
Goodrich says, with Williams and
things.
Although denying that the book
portrags her own life experience,
Miss Goodrich states that several of
the characters are taken from her
friends. The matrimonial troubles of
an eccentric old millionaire of blue
eyed, blond type" (Mr. Goodwin fits
that description who marries a
girl of the stage. "a tall, beautiful,
brown-eyed leading woman who is
very,very good" Miss Goodrich is
dark and beautiful and talD. provide
the material.
The eccentricity of the old million
aire crops out in his raging jealousy
of star actor with whom his wife
plays. Just here Miss Goodrich
stammered a bit and said she did
not want 10 go into detail, being
afraid if she did that knowing all
about it, nobody would buy her book.
In the end, however, after the old
husband had decided TO bring divorce
action, mentioning the actor. their
troubles were patched up, everything
is explained and-the old husband
dies.
Does the actor marry the LADY,"
Miss Goodrich was asked.
Didn't l say it was an old fash
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-04-21
KRAM ER-EICH.

THE MARRIAGE OF MISS ELSIE
Eick, daughter of Mr.. and Mrs. Viii
liam Eick, Ninth street, South Rock
Island, and Benjamine Kramer also of
South Rock Island took place at the
home of the brides parents Wednes-
day evening. The ceremony was per
formed by Rev. Phi. Wilhelm Of the
German Lutheran church and was wit
messed by 40 guests. Miss Eick was
attended by Misses Anna and Julia
Kerkesen of Chicago and Henry Eick
was the grooms attendant The
brides gown was of white embroid-
cry and she carried brides roses. The
maid wore white and carried pink
roses. Mr.. and Mrs. Kramer for the
present will reside with the groom S
parents Mr.. and Mrs. Adam Kramer.
Mr.. Kramer is employed at Deere &
Mansur, Moline.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-04-21

iond novel and turns out happily?"
answered Miss Goodrich
The heroine is a New York girl,
the old millionaire inherited his vast
fortune, and the scenes are laid in
New York, Italy and England
Where did the actress first meet
he millionaire" a reporter ventured
to ask, AT a Broadway restraint
Miss Goodrich shrugged her shout
ders and looked quite shocked.
"Oh, indeed not. she was a very
charming girl and was awfully well
brought up. She never went to such
places" she added.
And you say that the novel is
based on your own experiences %
she was asked.
Well there are some personal ex-
periences TO be sure, but the her
lone is quite another type than l.
Asked if she had written the
book before her divorce, she said.
Indeed, no, MIR Goodwin hadn't
anything TO do with it. His book.
] think. is going 20 be very clever.
It is full of clever sparkling witty
passages. Mine is romance, pure
and simple. I haven't Mr.. Good
wins gift of writing"
As TO her plans. Miss Goodrich
said that she would leave next month
for London where she will remain
al the Hotel Bitz during the London
season and the coronation and then
she will go on the continent and re-
main abroad two years
"Will you marry again?" she was
asked
ooh, dear. how can I talk of such
things so soon,' she said You see.
take my divorce seriousIy-divorce
is a much more serious thing than
most people think / don't think
about it as Mr.. Goodwin does. It's
really no joke.
But, on the other hand when
people find they have made a mistake
then il is a worse mistake still TO
end woman S life from the roman
tic standpoint, however / don't say
have any intentions OF remaTrying.
nor will / say ] shall not marry
again. Both statements would be
absurd, for woman never knows
what Will happen in her life"
That Miss Goodrich is without
financial Gifhculties was apparent
from her appearance and her future
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-04-21
REPORT OF BOARD
OF VISITORS ON WAT
ERTOWN HOSPITAL

The March report Of the board OF
visitors on the Watertown hospital
follows:
To the charities commission. Spring
field, Il.,-Gentlemen: We, as the
state board of visitors TO the state hos
pital at WATERFOWL, made our month
" visit Wednesday, March %, 1911
We made most thorough inspection
of the large annex building in which
about onefOurth of the total number
of patients are kept. We were in eV-
cry ward and department OF the build
ing. Talked to inmates and atten-
dants about comforts and conditions,
and there were no complaints from
any as to treatment. Many of the
more sane of the patients commended
the officials and attendants for their
uniform kindness and attention.
There are some in this building who
do not rightly belong to the institu-
ton. and should not be wards Of the
state: they should be cared for by rel
atives in their homes, but some OF
these unfortunate people have a
claim on no one who could give them
a home, so the state provides their
present comforts.
The recently appointed assistant
superintendent, DR.. c. F. Read, sue
cessOr 10 DR.. A H. Dollear, has ar
rived and assumed his duties a day or
SO prior to our visit.
The board in business session dis
cussed plans for future inspection and
recommendation for continued better
ment along the lines for which the
institution exists, and believe that
now, with the thorough organization
in administration, the best work that
can be hoped for will come.
The number of inmates at noon.
Wednesday. March %, was 1,413, Of
which 76S were male and Gas female
The deaths from March / to March %
We're six males and eight females, ma
king total of a. Admissions cover
ing the same period were 10, and those
released on parole 13.
Respectfully submitted,
]. w. SIMONSON, Pres.
w. c. GALLOWAY. Sec'y.
MRS. G.. II. HUNTOON.