davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
John Henry, /
u Gets A Plenty
By GEORGE v. HOBART

Since Uncle Peter Grant was elect
ed mayor of Ruraldene our family
group considers it extremely disloyal
to stay in the big town for more than
four hours at time. So with US it is
case OF catching those imitation rail-
road trains at all sorts of hours and
commute to beat the band
Since l became a confirmed com
muter | have sprained three watches
and two of my legs trying to catch
trains that are wild enough to dodge
a dog-catcher
The commuters are divided into two
classes Going and coming.
One Of the first rules for a COM
muter to follow after he locates the
railroad station, and hikes there a cou-
pie of times to get in training, is to
get red and pink and blue hammock.
A hammock is a necessary evil in
the country, because only by this
means can the insects become ac-
quainted with the new commuter.
The day after we first put up our
new hammock Uncle Peter came rub
bering around to look it over He was
all swelled up over being elected
mayer, and he dropped in the ham
mock with splash. Ten seconds later
the rope exploded and Uncle Peter
made deep impression on the stone
porch.
Every mosquito in the neighborhood
rushed to his assistance and tried to
lift him up with their teeth.
Then Uncle Peter ran home and
told Aunt Martha that Cinders, our
bulldog, had tried to bite him.
The national emblem of the COM
muter is the lawn-mower.
The lawn-mower was invented orig
inally for the purpose of giving the
lawn a quick shave, and because it
can't talk like barber 1t makes a
noise like the fall of Port Arthur.
] remember the first day decided
would trim the Vandyke beard on our
lawn. OF course l got all mine, and |
got 1t good The result will always
live in history side by side with the
battle of Gettysburg.
The lawn-mower was sleeping
peacefully in the barn when l rushed
in and dragged it shriekingly from it's
slumbers.
Perhaps 1t was because I forgot to
lather the lawn, but any way it was
the hardest shave l ever had anything
to do with.
The lawn-mower began to COM
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
The Kaiser Likes the Bible.

The kaiser is great reader. and
while he tries to keep himself
abreast of current events, his favo-
rite book is the Bible, says the Lon
don Chronicle. A wei thuInbed and
marked copy is always By his bed
side. When Mr.. Roosevelt visited
Berlin last year, the kaiser made him
a present of a number of books.
About half of them referred to theol-
ogy and the others to military sub
jects. These two classes indicate
the kaiser's own preferences.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Couldn't See the Resemblance.

They have been joking Assistant
Treasurer James A. Mathews of the
Guardian bank, on his resemblance to
President Taft, and Mr.. Mathews has
steadily refused to be annoyed there
by. So the jokers subsidized and the
joke died a natural death.
Until the other night, when Mr.. and
Mrs. Mathews dined together with
Mr. and Mrs. Frank Harmon and their
little daughter, when the Taft resem-
blance was revived. Turning to young
Miss Harmon, Nr. Mathews asked
whether she, too, thought he looked
like the president
Dorothy studied long and earnestly.
Then she answered.:
mot in the face. Uncle Jim."-
Cleveland Leader.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

plain so loudly that the neighbors for
miles around rushed to the rock pile
and armed themselves for the fray.
The committee of citizens attracted
by the screams of the lawn-mower
came over to see If l was killing a
member of the family or only dis
tant relative.
When they saw me boxing the ears
of a stubborn lawn-mower they said
they threw away the lynching rope
and left me at the post.
Clara ]. came out on the porch and
said, John, perhaps that lawn-mower
would stop screaming if you used a
little axle grease!"
All right" l came back at her,
"out 1t will take me an hour and half
10 find out which part of the lawn
mower will fit the axle grease"
Then | lifted the machinery up to
examine it's constitution and bylaws,
and about two and half pounds OF
wrought iron fell off and landed on
my instep.
The wrought iron made good.
Then | tried to stand on the other
foot, but lost my balance and fell on
the lawn-mower's third rail.
never was so mortified in my life
as when that lawn-mower began to
saw its initials on my shin bones.
Every time l tried to get up l lost
my balance. and every time | lost my
balance the lawn-mower would leap up
in the air and fall on my wish-bone.
When loving hands finally pulled US
apart was two doors and half be-
low Inconsistencies, while the lawn
mower had recovered its second wind
and was wagging its tail with excite
ment.
After waiting for about ten minutes
for me to come back in the ring, the
lawn-mower got impatient and began
to bark at me in Yiddish, so decided
that our lawn could grow whisLers
like Populist farmer and be hanged
to it.
Another splendid bit of local color
in the life of some commuters is the
subway. A ride through this on P aot
day will put you over on WooseT ave
nue. quicker than a No. 9 pill in Hop
Lees smoke factory
In order TO get out 10 Ruraldene
have to use he subway. and every
time use it il leaves something which
looks like the mark OF Cain across my
brow.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
DO You Know

That to clean screens they should
1e scrubbed with gasoline, into which
has been dipped a soft scrubbtng
brush, then vanished?
That a slice of lemon put into the
copper when boiling clothes will make
them beautifully white and will re-
move all stains from handkerchtefs
and children's clothes? Cut the lem
on with the rind into slices and allow
1t to remain in the boiler until the
clothes are ready to come out.
That bit of reliable coloring placed
in the water In which a tub frock Is
washed will restore its color and may
be used with safety If 1t is properly
rinsed and dried? This applies only
to such gowns as are not trimmed
with white or other colored trim
ings.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
FREED FROM SKIN DISEASE

Our boy was born in Toronto on
Oct. 13, 1908, and when three months
old a slight rash appeared on his
cheek. What appeared to be wa
ter blister would form. When it
broke. matter would run out, starting
new blisters until his entire face,
head and shoulders were mass of
scabs and you could not see a par
ticle of clear skin. Other parts of
his body were affected, but not to
such an extent We tried about every
advertised remedy without avail, in.
deed some OF them only added to his
suffering and one in particular, the
Remedy, almost put the infant
into commissions. The family doctor
prescribed for him and told us to
battle the baby in buttermilk. This
did not do any good, so we took him
to hospital. He was treated as an
out-patient twice a week and he got
worse, If anything. We then called
IN another doctor and inside Of
week the boy was, to all appearances.
cured and the doctor said his work
was done. But the very next day IL
broke out as bad as ever.
''We decided that 1t could not be
cured and must run it's course and so
we just kept his arms bandaged to
his side to prevent his tearing his
flesh. We left Toronto and shortly
after our arrival in Duluth, the Cuti.
cura Remedies were recommended.
We started using them in May, 1909,
and soon the cure was complete. You
would not think he was the same
child for Cuticura made his skin per-
fectly clear and he is entirely free
from the skin disease. There has
been no return this time. We still
use only Cuticura Soap for baby's
bath. Robert Mann, Proctor, Mimi,
May 8. 1910"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
SOLVING NEGRO PROBLEM
Under Conditions, the Matter Seemed
Comparatively Easy of Ar.
ranqement.

The central police station was over
crowded one day last week. Officers
were wondering VIVA. they would do
should another arrest be made, when
the door opened and a sleepy-looking.
blue-eyed foreigner drifted in with a
most detected ''Goot efning, mems"
The officers nodded their greetings
to the stranger, who then asked. Can
/ did some sleepings here? / yust
came from Chicago and am start to
work tomorrow"
We'll, the only space we have left
Is 8 bunk. which is already occupied
by colored man. You can share
that IL you want to-" replied the Off.
Ger.
The man thought for few minutes,
scratched his head and said:
We'll, I guess no can see him In
dark, and besides 1 am tired and want
sleep. "-Milwaukee Wisconsin.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
3 anana split.

First have your bananas thorough
ly chilled III refrigerator for several
hours if possible. Remove the skin
from a banana, leaving the skin
whole, fill it with ice cream, pour
some kind of fruit strip or maple
sugar sauce over the ice cream, lay
two or three maraschino cherries on
top of this if it is fruit strip, or
sprinkle nuts If ii is maple strip. Lay
the peeled banana on same plate be
side the ice cream If it is served in
oblong plate, or slice and place the
fruit around If served on a round
Mate. This serves one person.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
He Got the Pass.

81 want a pass.
Pass? You're not entitled to a
pass. You are not an employee
Sorry
mo; but here the anti-pass law
says free transportation can be grant
ed to necessary caretakers of live
stock, poultry and fruit Well, I'm
going on this trip with an aunt that's
a hen-there's your poultry; girl
that's a peach-there's your fruit;
and nephew that's a mule-,there's
your live stock. Gimme a pass
The Way-Bill.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
First Aid.

George AIDE, at a luncheon In Chi.
cago, paid a gallant compliment to
well-known actress.
The actress wore a harem skirt OF
the new flame color and Mr. Ale said
to her:
1T is pretty. And what an odd
color it isl Tell me the name of the
color"
"Flamme de Vesuve-hame of We.
suvius," the actress answered.
BE jabers," said Mr.. AIDE. Eye
make a vurry purity crater"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
ErIIt Whit

One pint sweet cream, one quart
box strawberries. one-third box gela-
tir, IL cups sugar. whites of four
eggs, one teaspoon lemon extract.
Mince strawberries and sweeten;
soak gelatin and add little hot wa
ter; beat whites of eggs stiff and
cream thick and light; strain gelatin:
add Tavoring, then strawberries; beat
all .. few minutes; set in a cool place
or & = lea
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Lis. for Cold Coffee.

II you have a cup OF strong coffee
left. from breakfast. prepare it with
sugar and milk 10 taste. Put into
bowl one cup white -four, one cup
whole wheat -four. one-hah teaspoon
salt and three level teaspoons baking
powder. Beat one egg lightly, sd to
the coffee and stir into dry mixture.
II it should be too stiff add little
more milk or water. 1t should be more
IKE a stiff crop batter than dough
ard nlt thin enough to pour. Bale
IN hot buttesed muffin pens 20 min
utes.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

If a man prefers the kind or clothes
he can jump into and wears another
only under compulsion;
While woman prefers such
clothes as she cannot put on without
toll and trouble and the expenditure
of time. and will. unless under com
pulsion. wear nothing else;
Then what of permanent equality
is it going to avail for the law to
call the sexes back to the tape and
start them all over again Puck.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
New Works Need.

Mrs. Knowitall-John, what is this
movement about New York trying to
get longer piers?
Mr. Knowitall-Why, / haven't fol-
lowed it very closely. Miranda, but I
think 1t is based upon the fact that
most of the peers that come to Amer
lea in search of wives are too short to
be of much financial use.-Harper's
Weekly.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

hand. He stopped at the bottom Of
the steps and said: BE you the presi-
dent of the Reading railway drew
up my shoulders and said / was. Then
he alked up the steps and said.
What is the price Of q ticket from
here to Niagara Falls and backr l
said: Ny dear friend, dc not know.
You viii have to 20 uo~n TO -ae tick
ct office Do you know where 1t is?'
He said: Yes picked up his carpet
bag. looked at me, and said: You
are the president of the Reading rail-
way and don't know the price Of q
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
oninion unhatterina.

During the ninth annual dinner or
the Traffic club of Pittsburg. Presi-
dent George F. Baer told this story;
Now, / do not altogether agree with
YOUR POSTMASTER that the public mas
any great respect for the ability Oh
railroad magnates. ! think they DO
possibly overrate their capacity.
had a very peculiar experience last
summer l was sitting on my porch
in Reading after dinner. smoking q
cigar. when up the walk ne
ysr1 tan nan with 4 carpet hsr 10 his
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Tea Time IN Chile.

Either tea or yerba mate Is served
in Chile at 400 p. M, not only in the
homes but at clubs. restaurants and
hotels, and many business houses. A
cup of tea and roll or small cake in
the club or hotel cost from eight to
twelve cents United States gold.
while the business houses serve 1t
free rather than have the clerks leave
thir work or go out for it.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
neIiolous Rice Mafhes.

Three-Quarters cup -four. two table
spoons sugar. 21A teaspoons baking
powder. one-quarter teaspoon salt.
Sift thoroughly together. Into this
work two-thirds cup cold cooked rice;
use tips of fingers. Add IA cups
milk, one egg, one tablespoon melted
butter
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Two Varieties.

Little Willie-Say, pa, what is bush
ness courtesy.
Pa-There are two kinds of bust
ness courtesy, my son. One is the
kind extended to people who pay cash.
and the other is extended to people
who don't.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Unrcnantic.

IF you marry poor man you must
expect TO know now to prepare the
dinner and attend TO all the little de-
tails of household economy" Yes,
replied the worldly young woman;
but instead of getting married,
mightn't 1t BE better to register at an
employment agency" - Washington
Star.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Just Waiting.

Very tart was Douglas Jerrold's re-
tort TO a would-be wit who. having
fred OF all his stale jokes with no
effect, exclaimed: Why, you never
laugh when | say good thipgl"
Don't Il" said Jerrold Only try
me with one
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Intricate 1 etter

When Bilkins was away from home
on long business trip, he got letter
from his wife that still puzzles him.
1t ended thus:
Baby is well and lots brighter than
she used to be. Hoping you are the
same, l remain, your loving wife,
Everybody's.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

ed terribly. Marked improvement fol-
lowed the use of Doan's Kidney Pills.
In six weeks was q well woman. My
friends and relatives marvel at my
recovery"
Remember the name-Doan's.
For sale by druggists and general
storekeepers everywhere. Price SOC.
-Milburn Co.. Buffalo, N. Y.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

hand or foot. My
right limb was swol-
len to twice normal
size. / looked the
picture Of death and
my case puzzled the
doctors. The kidney
secretions were high
ly colored and scald-
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Pretty Quick.

He-But couldn't you learn to love
me, Anna?
She-I don't think I could, Harry.
He PREACHING for his hat)-It is as
I feared-you are too old to learn.
Harper's Bazaar
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Outdone.

willis-Im raising 500 chickens on
a five-foot lot.
Gillis-That's nothing. You ought
to see the relatives my wife is taking
care of in our flat-Puck.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

man can freely talk
of her private ill
ness to q woman {;
thus has been es-
tablished this con-
fdence between
Mrs. Pinkham and
the men of
America which has
never been broken.
Nevar has she nuh
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

ADVICE
WOMEN

Women suffering from any form Of
Illness are invited to promptly CON-
municate with Mrs. Pinkham at Lynn,
Mass. All letters are received, opened,
read and answered by women. A wo-
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

tickfL to Niagara Falls and back,'
Wei. said / didn't Then he walked
dow and steps and turned and said:
You are a hell of a railroad presf
dent"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

Knicker-What do you know about
the recall?
Bocker-I believe in 1t for umpires.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Perhaps.

why did Humpty Dumpty sit on
the wall?"
"He probbly thought he could hold
It down"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
The Execution.

Post-There are as good fish In the
sea as ever were caught.
Parker-Hm! | guess you haven't
heard Thompson's latest fish story
Harper's Bazaar.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

Garfield Tea will set the liver right,
correct constipation, cleanse the system,
purify the blood and clear the complexion.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27


hshed testimonial or used letter
without the written consent of the
writer, and never has the Company
allowed these confidential letters to
get out of their possession, as the
hundreds of thousands of them In
their files will attest.
Out of the vast volume of experience
which Mrs. Pinkham has to draw
from, 1t Is more than possible that she
has gained the very knowledge needed
In your case. She asks nothing in re-
turn except your good will, and her
advice has helped thousands. Surely
any woman, rich or poor, should be
glad to take advantage of this gener.
GUS offer of assistance. Address Mrs
Pinkham, care of Lydia E. Pinkhan
Medicine Co., Lynn, Mass.
Every woman ought to have
Lydia e. Pinkham's SO-page
Text Book. 1t is not a book for
general distribution, as it Is too
expensive. 1t is free and only
Obtainable by mail. Write for
it today.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

Mrs. Knicker-Will your furniture
go in the new fat?
Mrs. Bocker--It will after its
smashed.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

A magazine poet refers to a baby
in the house as wellspring of pleas
ure. According to his theory triplets
would be a deluge.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
A MARVELLOUS RECOVERY.
How q Chronic Invalid RECLAIMED
Perfect Health.

Mrs. Ray Trusner, 80 West Third
St. New Albany Ind, says: Kidney
disease had rendered me a chronic in
valid. I lay in bed unable to move
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets regulate
and invigorate stomach. liver and bowels
Segregated, tiny granules, easy to take
as candy.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
About MARRIAGE.

Shea girl should look before she
leaps.
He-She should look pretty or she
may not get chance to leap.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

The Herb laxative, Garfield Tea, over
comes constipation, giving freedom from
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

To tell you the curious story Of how the mind
affects the digestion of rood
refer to the condition the mind Is in, just
before, at the time, or just following the taking
of food
Hhe has been properly educated (the major
ify tave) he will help you understand the cUrEoas
machinery of digestion.
To start you thinking on this Interesting
subject, will try TO lay out the pls- in general
way and you can then follow INFO more minute
details
Pawlow pronounce Pavlof) famous Russian PLY
stefan and Chemist. experimenting some dogs, cut
into the tube leading the throat to the stomach
They we're first PITT under chloroform some other
anaesthetic operation painless. They were
kept for months in very good condition.
When quite hungry un-appetizing food was
placed before them and although hunger forced them
to eat il by analysis Of the contents OF the
stomach hat little Of the digestive juices were
found.
Then in contrast some meat put where they
couldn't yeach il at once little time allowed for
the minis of the dogs anticipate and create an APP
petite When the food finally given them, they de-
voured 1t ravenously with every evidence Of sat
sfaction food passed out into dish through
found to be mixed with "Ptyalin the alkaline juics OF
the mouth which is important fer the first step IN d.
gestion Then analysis made OF the contents OF
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

Love ts the emblem OF eternity; It
confounds all notion of time; it eff.
faces all memory of beginning, all
fear of an end.-Madame de Stael.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
Raw.

Bore-Do you believe oysters have
brains?
Bored-Certainly l do, since they
know when to shut up.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

States Attorney examining tales
man for jury)-If you considered this
man guilty would you send him to
the gallowsf
Talesman Ia politician)-What's his
politics?
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

is life worth living. I should say
that it depends on the liver.-Thomas
Gold Appleton.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27

Jiggs-That n arriage broker was to
get 10 per cent. of the girls estate for
arranging a match with French mar
quis, but he did better than that-he
took 1t all
Wiggs-How?
Jiggs-Married the girl himself.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
hoods
SarsaparilIa

Eradlcates scrofula and all
other humors, cures all their
effects, makes the blood rich
and abundant, strengthens all
the vital organs. Take it.
Get it today in usual liquid form or
chocolated tablets called Sarsatabs,
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-06-27
IA aDy BY IT, Co.,
Some Day Ask
Your Physician

the stomach, into which food had entered 1t was
the digestive fluids of stomach flowing
freely exactly If the desirable food had entered
This proved that it not the presence Of food
which caused the digestive juices to fow but the flow
caused entirely and alone result OF the action
OF the mind, from anticipation
One dog continued to eat the food he liked for over
an hour believing he was getting it into his stomach.
whereas an ounce went there; particle went
out through the opening and yet all this time the di
gestive juices flowed to the stomach, prepared to
quickly digest food response to the curious orders OF
the mind.
Do you pick up the lesson?
Unappetizng food that which falls to create mental
anticipation does not cause the necessary digestive
juices to flow whereas, food that is pleasing 10 the
sight and hence to the mind will the complicated
machinery of the body prepare ID wcnderful way
for is digestion
How natural then, TO that should sit down
to meal in peaceful happy state Of mind and start
then follow with bowl of crisp. lightly Drowned thin
bits of corn like Post Toasties add sprinkle Of sugar
and some good yellow and the attractive appetite
ing picture escape your and viii produce the
condition of mind which the digestive juices
nature has hidden mouth stomach, forth
and do their work
These digestive juices be driven back by mind
oDpressed with worry hate anger disiike OF the dis
agreeable appearance of food placed before
Solid facts that are worthy the attention Of anyone
who esteeins prime health and human happiness as
valuable asset IN the game Of life.