The fool-killer., 1911-01-01
HOW TO BUILD "A FLYING
H

machine in 1911 and so Z Am going to
give you a few simple rules by which
you can build and operate your own
fying-mach1ne.
For hundreds Of years men have
been trying to learn how to fly, and
it was only a few months ago that the
problem was solved. Now that we
have learned how, it all looks as sim
pie as rolling off a log, and it seems
strange to us that the inventors did
not hit the right combination long
ago. A few years longer and flying
will be so common hat the birds
will take to walking to escape the
crowds in the air,
The Fool-Killer wants to make
itself useful as well as ornamental,
and that's why / am going to give
you these rules for the construction
and operation of a fying-machine.
When you think of going into the
flying business it is very important to
begin at the right place.
The first thing to make is your will.
Then you should buy your coffin
and select the place where you want
to be buried.
Having attended to these prelim-
inaries, you must get your motor
ready next. / nearly always use a
No. 8 skinnyrorum with a second
hand sockdoliger attached to it, which
makes a very good motor. If your
local dealer doesn't handle sockdol-
igers you can s a dadgumbus, which
will do about as we'll. Be sure and
see that the booger-pipe is firmly at
tached to the thunder-box, and keep
plenty of splodigood in the spoodlet.
Authorities differ in regard to the
pushalong paddalorums. Some in
ventors claim that they should run
like a niger with the devil after him,
while others insist. that they should
operate on the principle of a ducks
foot in the mud. You will notice that
I s scientific terms along here. If
you do not know the meaning of my
words, ] will be glad to send their
definitions by freight.
After getting your motor and wind
paddles fixed, as per instructions
above, the next thing in order is to
get you about a dozen good strong
gookuses and fasten them together
at each end with small-sized what
nots. These gookuses must be as
slim az a liars hope of heaven and at
least as long as a tattler's tongue.
In width you can suit yourself, but I
always multiply he circumameter of
the whatnot by the square of the
gookus and divide by compound sub
traction. / have used this rule in all
my fying-machine experiments, and
it has given perfect satisfaction.
After you get your gookuses and
whatnots all worked up, then you
must cover them with the finest quail
ity of fyupity, and that completes
your planes, or thingamajigs, as we
scientists call them.
All that remains to be done, now,
is to connect the he1lbenders with the
fubbydubs, and attach the joedarter
to the junewheel, and you are ready
for flying. Before starting up, how
ever, you should examine every part
Of your machine very carefully. See
that the whicker-board is not touch
ing the diblet anywhere, and don't let
the gee-string get tangled up with the
wobackus.
Having looked after all these mat
tiers, you are ready to turn on the
Juice and jump in. Squeeze the toot-
ball and give the gofetchit a gentle
pull, and you are off.
By following these simple direc-
lions even a school-boy should be
able to build and operate a flying
machine SO successfully that he
could skim the cream from the Milky
Way, drive home the cows, and do a
great many little errands like that.