The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1911-10-17
An Essay on Eplotstus.

Epictetus wasn't a corn cure, a
breakfast food, vaudeville juggier OF
grand opera singer. Epictetus was
a famous Stole philosopher and was a
native Of Hierapolis in Phrygia. He
died in 13S A. d. He taught a high
ideal of life and nothing peeved him
He remained cheerful even under the
most adverse circumstances. When
somebody stepped on the narrative OF
his flowing toga, ripping out q back
breadth and leaving him at the mercy
of the Phrygian blizzard. he smiled
and muttered that it might be a whole
lot worse, There wasn't any sort of
language that would make him angry
and the fates could not cook any sort
of ornery scheme that upset his
tranquility in the slightest degree.
Epictetus was there with his fingers
crossed twenty-four hours of the day,
and when an untoward event ap-
preached his vicinity, he laughed so
loudly that he showed all his crown
and bridge work and scared the event
away.
He was the original cheer-up apos-
tie, was Epictetus. He didn't care a
tinker's darn whether school kept or
not and he lived so long that the au-
thorities thought for a while they
would have to shoot him on the judg-
ment day so that he would be able
to join the great line of stoics who
had gone before.
They never dared to let i1pictetus go
to a musical comedy. for he would
laugh so loudly that ne would break
uT the show, and anybody who can
laugh at a musical comedy, L. must be
admitted. is some optimlst. They had
to keep all the patent medicine alma
macs away from him for fear that he
would laugh himself to death, and It
is a very lucky thing for Epictetus
that Joe Miller and Ellis Parker But
Ter came along several centuries after
his time.
They couldn't rattle Epictetus in
the slightest degree. He could tinker
up laugh out OF anything. but, il
must always be remembered. fair
reader, that Epictetus lived away back
in the first century. We have often
wondered what would happen to Epic
tetus and his philosophy If he lived
today and his wife would come to him
about five minutes before train time
and ask him to hook up about SIC OF
those cute little hooks and eyes con-
cealed in the lace on the back Of her
dress. What would Eplctetus do II
he should find that his wife had loaned
his razor to the ladies' aid society
for the purpose OF slicing ham sand
witches to be sold at the church sup
peri What would he do If his next
door neighbor borrowed his lawn
mower the first OF May and returned
it the first of October? What would
he do If he lived next door to a talk
ing machine flend. or If the neighbor
next door kept the chickens that dug
up his flower beds, or IL some insane
galoot should get the wrong number
and call him out OF bed by telephone
at o'clock in the morning, causing
him to fall down stairs and break a
$tg6 cheval glass? What IL he should
have tire blow out nine miles from
any human habitation and no tools
with him?
Would Epictetus remain a true
stole or would he let out several yards
Of pyrotechnic language which would
burn up all the oxygen in the air and
suffocate the innocent bygtanders1
That is a question, Of course. but II
there are any Etoics hanging around
in this day and age, they are not work.
ing at 1t. Epictetus. we believe, was
never obliged to undergo a real test.