New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1911-12-27
The Budding Humorist Was the
Terror of His Mother.
He YEARNED TO BE A PIRATE

per's tells something of their juvenile
goings on:
His mother declared that he gave hel
more trouble than all the other chill
dren put together.
HE drives me crazy with his didoes
when he is in the house." she used to
say. land when he is out of it am
expecting every minute that some one
will bring him home half dead"
He did, in fact, achieve the first Of his
mine narrow escapes from drowning
about this time and was pulled out OF
the river one afternoon and brought
home in limp and unpromising con-
dition. When with mullen tea and cas-
tor oil she had restored him to activ-
ity she said: '' T.
Il guess there wasn't much danger.
People born to be hanged are safe in
water"
She declared she was willing to pay
somebody to take him off her hands
for a part of each day and try to teach
him manners. ."
Besides his mother. who had to con-
tend with the bad boy. was his school
teacher. certain Miss Horr. Mr..
Paine tells how unlike to bed of roses
was her lot
Miss Horr received 25 cents week
for each pupil and opened her school
with prayer. after which came chap
ter of the Bible. with explanations and
the rules of conduct Then the A B G
class was called. because it's recital
was hand to hand struggle, requir-
ing no preparation.
The rules of conduct that first day
interested little Sam. He calculated
how much he would need to trim in to
sail close to the danger line and still
avoid disaster. However, he made a
miscalculation during the forenoon and
received warning. A second offense
would mean punishment He did not
mean to be caught the second time.
but he had not learned Miss Horr yet
and was presently startled by being
commanded to 60 out and bring q stick
for his own correction.
This was certainly disturbing. 1t
was sudden. and then he did not know
much about the selection of sticks.
Jane Clemens had usually used her
hand. 1t required a second command
to get him headed in the right direc-
ton, and he was tribe dazed when
he got outside. He had the forests Of
Missouri to select from. but choice was
dinacult. Everything looked too big
and competent. Even the smallest |
switch had wiry. discouraging look
Across the way was a cooper shop
with a good many shavings outside.
One had blown across and lay just TN |
front of him. 1t was an inspira ton.
He picked it up and. solemnly enter
ng the schOolroom. meekly handed it
70 Miss Horr.
Perhaps Miss Horr's sense of humor
prompted forgiveness. but discipline
must be maintained.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens" she
said Che bad meyer beard it all strung
ogether in that ominous way), IT am
ashamed Of you! Jimmy Dunlap, 90
'ring in a switch for Sammy" And
Jimmy Dunlap went, and the switch
vas of sort to give the little boy an
and permanent distaste for
choOl. He Informed his mother when
he went home at noon that he did not
are for school; that he had no desire
o be a great man; that he preferred
o be pirate or an Indian and scalp :
r drown such people as Miss Horn.
Young Sam conceived the notion that
pirates life would be joyous and,
With couple of pals, cruised the Mis-
issippi.
Some of their expeditions were inno-
ent enough. They often cruised up to
turtle island. about two miles above
hannibal. and spent the day feasting. {
'Ou could have loaded car with tur- T
les and their eggs up there and there g
Tere quantities of mussels and plenty Il
f fish. Fishing and swimming were y
heir chief pastimes. with general ma n
auding for adventure. Where the rail Il
Dad bridge now ends on the Missouri e
de was their favorite swimming hole 1
that and along Bear creek, a seclud- e
4, hmp1d water with special interests a
its own. Sometimes at evening they fl
VAN across to Glasscock's island, the
sndezvous of Tom Sawyer's "Black Il
vengers" and the hiding place of L
'uck and Niger Jim. Once though
lis was considerably later. when he y
as sixteen. Sam Clemens swan across
} the Illinois side and then turned c
I'D swan back again without land
6. distance Of at least two miles as
: had to 60. He was seized with a
amp on the return trip. His legs :,
.came useless. and he was obliged to -,
axe the remaining distance with his -.
ms. 1t was a hardy life they led. y.
I'd it is not recorded that they ever ~
d any serious damage. though they -
lrrOWly missed it sometimes.