davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

toe on last night and has not been
able to do a single chore for me.
Here, Flora, you take this buster and
nx up the parlor, and Emily. turn up
that dress Of yours and get busy
squeezing lemons for the punch.
Kate Price. you are the worst girl
ever knew. Don't you know the
girls will be here in few minutes
and you have not a thing ready"
With this. OF came the pink sash rib
bon. What have you been doing all
morning?" With this she loosened
her collar. "Just supposing we hadn't
come around" Up went the skirt and
a big pin held 1t well above all dan
ger.
"Oh. Emily. you wouldn't be so
mean. Like a good girl, go ahead and
do what you can. and I'll run upstairs
and Dress I'll be done In time to
make the sandwiches"
Emily proceeded to squeeze one
lemon with her hands while she rolled
another with her foot, while Flora
busted like a machine. For a few mo-
ments no sound was heard in the
house. Presently Emily appeared in
the hall and called up to Kate:
Kate. l have finished the punch. but
l cannot find any glasses. Tell me-
where they are and I'll set them on
the table,"
mercy me-whatever shall l dor
responded Kate from upstairs. Il
loaned them all last hight for the min
ister's donation party and they have
not sent them back. Please 60 ask
Samuel II his toe 10 not we'll enough
for him to step over and get them"
"rn do nothing Of the kind. Kate
Price," said Emily ~ she flounced
back to the kitchen.
"Kate-KAte." walled Flora. I've
busted the room and fixed the tables.
but l can't md the cards-where are
they?"
Brother Tom was going to get
home on the two o'clock train and
bring some new ones. but he hasn't
come yet-oh dear. what shall dor
"Where are the old ones?" suggest
"a Flora.
why, l brought one Of Rover's lit
tie pups In the house last night and
while I was not looking It chswsd the
whole pack up In tiny Bits"
Before Flora had time to express
~ inward fsalinss. he front door
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
Edwards Deductions

Edward. you must eat the crusts
of your bread"
Did you eat crusts when you were
a little boy?"
why, certainly, did"
And is that why you are a crusty
old bachelor now. uncle ?"-Yonkers
Statesman
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

A Learned Parent.
PA, what Is a hedonist?"
"A hedonist. my SOM"
Yes. pa"
"Ahem. Let me see- Do you re-
member my taking you to vaudeville
show last week."
Yes, pa"
And you saw a man there who
walked down a flight OF stairs on his
head?"
Yes, pa
well, he was a hedonist-"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
Bow Didn't Know.

Your wife wants you on the tele-
phone" announced the new boy In an
Office where the phones of two separate
companies were installed
Which one?" inquired the boss.
thinking Of the two telephones. OF
course.
please SIR" said the boy. Il don't
know how many you have"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

AN9l ised to go over early and
help Kate nx the tables for
INK the club meeting this after
&A noon, and you know how
NV she always leaves every
thing for the last minute.
'T'll be down in a 1iffy. Flora, but
such luck as l am having One side
OF my hair is as straight as a poker
and the other / have burned on with
the curling irons. This talk about its
being a woman's. duty to make herself
as beautiful as possible don't go in
the summer time"
Emily appeared in a few minutes.
adding the finishing touches to her
toilet.
You see this skirt? Well. 1t don't
meet by four inches. l have been
taking that obesity cure for the past
month and I'll wager I've gained a
pound a day-that's why l have tied
this pink ribbon around my 35-inch-
waist-line. But what do care for
that crowd? Come. let's hurry along"
They hurried down the dusty coun-
try road until they reached the out
skirts Of the village and soon came to
q little cottage with rose bushes ram
bling over every shutter on the lower
floor. They turned into the path that
led to the house. but no sign OF life
was seen or heard. It was one OF
those still. sultry afternoons in Au-
gust when even the singing of the
robins seems to jar on the quiet of the
atmosphere.
Looks more like q funeral to me
than q party" remarked Emily
where do you suppose Kate Isl"
They rang the bell. rang 1t again
and still no answer. They looked al
each other and then rang again g
third time.
"I'll 60 round to the back door.
said Flora; they must all be in the
Kitchen"
And then in a few moments F1ora's
voice could be heard calling
"Emily-Emily. come on around
here she is."
"Oh, girls" exclaimed Kate. I'm 81
glad you came. I'm fused to death
Mothers gone to the missionar.
meeting. and the hired man cut hi
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

Kidney secretions con-
tanned heavy sediment
and burned awfully in
passage. Everything
seemed to be gradu-
ally giving way: my
limbs ached. sight be-
came poor and blood
circulation was SO i'm
haired that l reeled
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
NOT That Kind.

Not That Kind.
rs your clerk a believer in the oc
cuIt?" asked the facetious man, watch
Ing q bottle being made up into a neat
package.
Il don't know" said the proprietor.
why do you ask"
Because" replied the facetious one.
Il notice he Is engaged in spirit wrap
ping"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
Granted His Reouest.

Said the hobo: Il went around to 4
back door today and asked for some
thing to eat. Madam 1 said. II you
will only give me the food you gave
your cat l will be satisfied II you
want to lie around the barn and catch
mice l haven't any obJections.' she
told me-"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
oeu,I.t.. Presentation. co..,x

Alice-I ran into . lady in one of
the stores this afternoon and her
glasses fell on and smashed all to
bits.
Jack-How unfortunate! You made
amends at once, l supposer'
Alice-Oh. certainly. I apologised-
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
While They Detect.

Every criminal Is sure to leave
number of clews behind him."
YES" replied the old police omcer.
II suspect that some Of them leave
as many as possible so a. to keep tho
detectives theorixing while they catch
a steamboat"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
The Very Latest.

shes very proud OF her child"
Doesn't she know that mere chill
dren are unfAshionable?
But l believe abe has some sort Of
. modified baby"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

The sun got up this morning bright
And found me still in bed.
But he wasn't out so late last night
As I was. be It said
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

All married men are hercer. but
they can't always prove it,
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
Met His NJ atch.

The alienation of suffering is one
OF the means by which the advance
ment of our race is secured.-Sir
James Crichtou-Browne
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

and had to clutch something to keep
from falling. l grew worse and for
weeks was unable to work One thing
after another l tried without relief
and then 1 began with Doan's Kidney
Pills. l now feel like a different per-
son."
Remember the name-Doan's-
For sale by all dealers so cents a
box FOster-Milburp Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Met His Match.
Alkali Ike-They have just taken
Roaring Bill to the hospital
Pistol Pete-What happened to
him,
Alkali Ike-He tried TO break up a
suffragist meeting.-Judge
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

Il felt tired all the time and could
not sleep nights. After taking Hoods
SarsaparillA a little while l could
sleep wen and the tired feeling had
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
ALL RUN DOWN.
A Typical Case Of Kidney Trouble and
How Il Was Cured.

A. ]. Adams, 242 Rose ST., Roseburg.
Ore, says: My back ached fercely
for hours and then eased up only to
leave me so weak l could hardly move.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
Would Be Senslble.

.'Yonder Is an early robin. See his
red breast?"
Yes: and 1t gave me quite start
At arst. l thought the Intelligent bird
vas wearing . chest protector"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
Safe and Sure.

what 10 the best way to induce
chest expansion!~
"Nodals."
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

Mrs Rastus Johnsing-Fo' gracious
sake, amt yo' ready to go to dat cake
walk yet! Wot's keepin' yo'?
Rastus Johnsing-I can't find nah
cakewalk razah.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for CAildfeo
teething. softens the guns, reduces inAAAnar
ton allays pain cures wind collie, 1Se . bOsAlAI
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

Little wits are often great tAlkerA
De Ia Roche
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

She married him sor money.
But when she was his bride.
Although 1t may seem funny.
For love she sighed and sighed
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

Frst Electricity was In
use before the food
Second CagsteEHow do you
know?
First Gagster-Why. didn't Noah
have ark lights?
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
That Tired Feeling
Hoods Sarsaparills

gone. This great medicine has A1oo
cured mo Of scrofulA, whieA hAa
troubled mo from childhood" MA
C. n Root, Bon Is, G1ead. Conn.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27

WHO is
TO
BLAME

At druggists In nifty cent and dollar stxea-
You may have = sample bottle by mail
free. also pamphlet telling all about IT.
Address, DR.. Kilrner 4 Co. BinehAason, n L
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1911-06-27
The Bridge Party
BY JANE LUDLUM LEE


ONE along, Emily, we prom
ised to go over early and
help Kate fix the tables for
the club meeting this after
noon, and you know how
she always leaves every
thing for the Last minute.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03
JAYHAWKER JOTS

The Kansas City Gazette-Globe is OF
the opinion that of all sad words a
man can shout, the saddest are these:
Three strikes! You're outr'
A cigar company has put up num-
Der of mirror signs around Ottawa and
the Republic of that place asks: rs
this an appeal to women smokers?'
The Leavenworth Post asks for a
Carnegie medal for the woman living
near Vance who shot her husband be-
cause he was trying to murder her
with an axe.
A new law discovered by the Con-
cordia Blade: 1t is against the law to
even touch an automobile standing on
the street if it doesn't belong to you.
This law was passed by the last legis-
lature as a result of so much COM
plant being made by motor car own
ers of cars being damaged While
standing on the street that such a
law was thought necessary. A viola
ton of this law is punishable by a
heavy fine.
An Atchison young woman who IS
a member of a theatrical company
playing one-night stands in the south
writes to a friend at home describing
some of the hardships- of this sort
of career. Among other things she
says: You leave the opera house right
after the show and go direct to the
station. You always find the train late
L
kerchief over your face and try to fit
into seat that is measured off about
every twelve inches by an iron arm.
do wish the railroad company would
use fat mans capacity for measure
ment, for the comfort of show folks
call of all aboard just as you have
started to doze. You grab your suit
case, rush frantically for the train,
try to walk gracefully to a seat, with
|
cramped position in the depot. May
be you get a seat and may be you
don't. You pull into your town
about 4:30 a. m, everybody cross, an
other wild rush for a hotel, and usual
~ you find that if the hotel clerk had
just few more brains he would be
half witted. You are given a room
about 8x10, with a bed, rug, wash
stand, chair and sometimes you get
running water, especially when it
rains and the faucet really works Oh,
I mustn't forget the dresser with the
looking glass that always makes me
think of Garfield tea that mother
used to make us take for biliousness.
I know I've taken it when I wasn't
bilious at all just from those awful
mirrors. Then there are always two
or three calendars on the wall. with
the dates jumping from March to July
until you have to stop and collect
yourself to remember what the date
really is. If the hotel is on the Amer
lean plan you know just as well what
your order will be for dinner as the
chef does-roast beef, roast pork or
veal stew oh, how you long for 4
real meal at home. Sometimes the
waitress springs the funny jokes.
One remarked that everyone said that
she ought to be in the show business.
all the travelling men said that she
was just cut out for an actress, but
she wouldn't go with any cheap show.
When she could play a part like Mad
anne x. she would; she had read of
her in tho Red Book"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03

young labor lawyer and newly elected
municipal court judge. O'Gorman, as
senatorial possibility. The more
Croker saw of O'Gorman the more
he admired him.
Physically Croker and O'Gorman
are. while not at all similar, still mot
unlike as the saying goes. O'Gor-
man has the stout. straight shoulders,
the upright carriage, and the cigar
chewing habit that characterized
Croker when he sat at Fourteenth
street and governed the city'S admin
istration.
Each has that square jaw which
needs a beard to soften it's outline,
and each has grown just such beard,
In both the skull is abnormally level,
as though fattened out in infancy, and
friends of both declare that if ever
there was anything in the word
"square-head." O'Gorman and Croker
should be entitled to whatever compli-
ment there is in the expression.
Blue eyes, brown hair, now turning
to gray, and many wrinkles around
the eyes, gave a Crokeresque touch to
O'Gorman. His large family, nine
children. has taken up a great deal of
his time in recent years yet he has
found leisure to mingle with the men
he used to know in the law just as
though he were still one of themselves
and not a justice of the supreme court
of the state.-New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03
HUAOR or THE Day

How did you get that spring over
coat?" Had a sure tip on a horse race"
Il never knew one of those sure tips to
pan out" Neither did 1. So didn't play
it. Put the money into this overcoat in
stead."-Louisville Courier-Journal
TT, The @. One Destination nation rs there any
F1eld."-Aprf1 Ldppincott's.
Employer--so, then. Miss Willing, you're
leaving us for good? Miss Willing-No,
sir For better or for worse!-M. A p.
SaIesman-YouH find these good wear
ing socks, sir. Customer-Rather loud,
amt they? Salesman-Yes, sir. But that
keeps the feet from going to sleep.-Tit-
Bits.
Dentist (After Examination)-And will
you have gas, madam? Nervous Patient
You don't suppose I'm going to let you
tinker with my teeth in the dark, do you?
London Tattler.
Have you ever really known of a cure
by faith?" Yes. When was 16 years
old 1 fell madly in love with a widow of
30, but my mother and father had faith
that would live if didn't get her, and
L did."-Judge.
Does your wife do the cooking on the
does that suit your 'It doesn't bother
me any. I always get good meal just
before go home."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
II am learning to speak Esperanto, but
it is slow work learning from a textbook"
why don't you hire some native to con-
verse with you? They say that's the best
way to learn a language."-Kansas City
Journal.
How long does it take to learn how to
run an automobile2' You'll need about
three days to acquaint yourself with the
working parts of the machine and a week
to master the ocabulary.'-Chicago Trib-
une.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03
A DAUGHrER or DIxE

her eyes are soft with dreams of love
And dark as some lagoon
In which through woven branches shine:
The glory of the moon.
Her SILVER voice is sweet and low,
Her brow is broad and meek,
ana pure as waxen orange flowers
The oval of her cheek.
Her dusky tresses thick and fine
In many a siIken fold
Are bound about her shapely head
And filleted with gold
Her lips are like the dewy rose
That finds resting place
Upon her heart in filmy frills
OF organdie and lace.
A knight of old who crossed the sea
With nothing but his lance,
Bequeathed to her that regal air,
That dark and tender glance.
On, daughter of the sunny South,
Where summer never dies,
The North that never feared your guns
Surrenders to your eyesi
-Minna Irving, in Leslie's Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03
The Confederate Armies.

1t is a striking fact that when Vir-
GINA threw in her lot with her South
ern sisters in April, 1851, practically
the whole body of students at her
State university. 515 out of $50 who
We're registered from the Southern
states, enlisted in the Cohfed crate
army. That army thus represented
the whole Southern people. 1t was a
self-levy en- masse of the male popu-
lation in all save certain mountain re-
gions in Virginia, North Carolina, Ten.
nessee, Alabama and Georgia
One gets a possibly new and surpris-
ing conception of the character of the
rank and file of the Southern army in
such incidents as the following: Here
are mock trials going or in the moot
court of certain artillery company
and the discussions are pronounced by
competent authority brilliant and
powerful" Here is a group of pri-
Yates III a Maryland infantry regiment
in winter quarter huts near Fairfax,
Va; and among the subjects discussed
are these-Vattel and Fillmore on in
ternational law; Humboldt's works
and travels; the African explorations
of Barth; the influence of climate on
the human features; the culture of
cotton; the laws relating to property.
Here are some Virginia privates in a
howitzer company solemnly officiating
at the burial of a tame crow; and the
exercises include an English speech, a
Latin Grafton, and Greek ode!
These Confederate armies must pre-
sent to the historian who accepts the
common view that the South was
fighting for the perpetuation of the in
stitution of slavery dificult-in fact,
an insoluble problem. How could such
a motive explain the solidarity of the
diverse elements that made up those
armies? The Southern planter might
fight for his slaves; but why the poor
white man who had none2 How could
slavery generate such devotion, such
patient endurance, such splendid hero
ism, such unconquerable tenacity
through four long years of painful I'M
equal struggle? The world acknowl-
edges the superb Valor of the men
who fought under the Southern cross
and the no less superb devotion of
the whole people to the cause of the
Confederacy. Mr.. Roosevelt has writ
ten, 1.-THE world has never seen better
soldiers than those who followed Lee"
Gen. Hooker has testified that "for
stea diness ami efficiency Lees army
was unsurpassed in ancient or mod
ern times. I'VE have not been able
to rival it," Gen. Charles A. Whittier,
of Massachusetts,, has said. 1.-The army
o. northern Virginia will deservedly
rank as the best army which has ex-
listed on the continent, suffering priva-
lions unknown to its opponent. The
North sent no such army to the field
Rev. r. H. McK1m, in the Review of
| Reviews
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.

[F'rom the Philadelphia Record.l
Even the man who smokes a pipe
must pay the piper.
A biting wind naturally comes in the
teeth of the gale.
Some people can't take anything
seriously. not even a joke.
The fellow who eats with his knife
is apt to cut his best friend.
The girl who is a sponge isn't al
ways the one who gets squeezed.
1t is a mistake to suppose that pugil-
lists always travel in box cars.
When you call, etiquette requires
you to leave cards, but not an UNI
brella.
Riches take unto themselves wings.
If you don't believe it go out for a
lark.
She-"I have been raised in the lap
of luxury" He-"Try mine for q
change"
Seeing is believing" quoted the
Wise Guy. did you ever look at your
self in one of those convex mirrors?'
asked the Simple Mug.
ct understand you said I was NUT .
exclaimed the girl who doesn't appre-
ciate slang. "Sure; and I'm a squirrel"
replied the young man who does.
''Will you give assent to my mar
riage with your daughter?' asked the
impecunious sutton. mo, SIR" roared
the old man. You, can have her, but
I won't give a cent"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03
Living without Paying.

Some of the young men most bust
nesslike in not paying their debts find
that summer is the best time for their
purpose in New York. They get ref
erences and apply to the large real es-
tate Offices offering to act as care
takers in fine houses. the owners of
which may be in the country. Real
estate men and the regular occupants
of many fine residences are only too
glad to have a stalwart young man
with good references take up his quar-
tiers in a house and so guard it, es-
peciaily at night, from the ubiquitous
burglar on the search for just such de-
serted and plunderable places.
The young men who live we'll and
they think honestly, without paying for
anything, exact no fee for this service.
but act as Waterman for free sleeping
quarters. Comfortably established, they
bring themselves to the attention of
tradesmen, and with a naughty and
condescending air order clothes, shoes,
shirts, hats, whatever they may need
even meals from caterers-in their own
names, to the fashionable address and
fine-looking mansions where they
dwell temporarily.-Roy L. McCardell,
in HamDtOn'S.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03
GLOBE SIGHTS.
rFrom the Atchison Globe.l


Some men make the same mistake so
often it becomes a habit.
Besides his other faults, a Chinaman
thinks a good deal of his native land.
No man swears so much that 1t doesn't
shock him to hear a woman use pro-
family.
If you don't eat too much, you are apt
to think you aren't getting enough to
eat.
As a general rule, if a woman gets a
meal in a great hurry, it is that kind of
a meal.
Beyond ascertaining how easy the peo-
pie are, a clairvoyant doesn't find out a
great deal
A man isn't much of an orator unless
he can get someone else to hire the hall
for him.
Honestly now, if you were subjected to
classification, could you be called a live
one.
Fewer farmers who favor the single tax
idea, now believe the automobiles ought
to pay 1T all.
A boy doesn't mind chapped hands If
the afliction permits him to wash them
less frequently.
What has become of the oId-fashioned
penman who drew bird with a flourish
for every feather2
When a woman is converted" she
usually imagines she has been a far
greater sinner than she ever was
You needn't consult a college mans
frat pin to find out about it: talk with
him loRg enough, and he will tell you.
/ Ever notice that the man who tells how
many fish the members of fishing party
caught always have no sense of humor.
When a woman has small waist, the
other women, instead of admiring it say;
''She ought to be ashamed of herself.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03

wealthy man. But he has lost nearly
everything. The only shelter left to
him is with his son, and the son has
a wife-such wife. 1 have a little
property, but from me he will accept
nothing, though he has been to me all
that my own father would have been.
There came the chance to sell to the
state an unproductive piece of land,
the only property he has left. The
sum paid for it would make him in
dependent for life. OF course 1 helped
him. What sort of daughter should
have been if 1 had not tried to take
from him the burden of poverty, de-
pendence and humiliation? 1 do not
share the money. His son will inherit
it."
you didn't tell me-you said that
the old people of Greenville-"
Il did plead, with all my heart, for
an old man. But I could not tell you
ST wonder if a young man pleading
for himself, with all his heart
Your tears, sweetheart, I've kissed
away, and that means, doesn't it, the
very best thing in the world for me
for us ?"-(Copyright, 1911, by Asso-
ciated Literary Press