Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-10-12

niture. old picture frames, corncobs
and love letters, and still when we
want to get warm We. have to go to
church.
VAUDEVILLE.
tbs my delight i'm life to hang around
the modern vood'ville show.
And hear the gags Joe Miller sprang
away back in the long ago.
Tn old time jokes can get a laugh out
OF me every single time.
l love the prehistoric chaff and there
Is nothing so sublime.
I've laughed until Nv wept outright
about that hen who crossed the
street:
It's my ideal of humor trite. of nimble
wit and answer neat.
The funny stuff they're writing now
falls down almost as sure as fate.
But at the same time you'll allow the
good old fashioned thing goes
great.
The folk who spend their hard earned
dough to gaze upon the mimic stage
Will laugh at jokes Of long ago and
They clap their hands and loudly
scream at stuff they know, iii
tell you that.
If you think that's an idle dream, Just
look at these, right off the bat.
my father is rich now and it has
IUI'Hcu HIS nCdu.
How @ it affect him?"
He doesn't spill soup on his shirt
bosom any more"
MY wife is always asking me for
money. Every time l go home she
strikes me for IS. $40 or 500"
What does she do with all the mon
ey?"
II don't know. 1 haven't given her
any yet"
"who was that lady 1 saw you with
the other EVENING"
THAT wasn't no lady. That was my
wife. Ha, Ha. Ho. Ho.
Il know a man that owns a goat
that hasn't got any nose"
"A goat without a nose? Impossible.
How Toe she smell?"
"Oh. terrible, terrible
"Why is a hicken on a fence like
a penny"
Because the head is on one side and
the tail is on the Other"
Il am going TO marry Lena
Schmaltz."
"Oh, l wouldn't marry Lena. Her
family is in disgrace. Her sister is
wanted in Pittsburg for stealing $1O,O 600.
Don't for heavens sake marry Lena
NO, by jinks, l won't. I'll marry
her sister,"
Tickle the worries. professor. and
We'll sing a little song written by a
man who hadn't any arms. All those
against u singing a song will please
rise. Those in favor Of it will remain
seated. The question is carried unani-
mously. Cut the cards, professor"
WITH US oNcE AGAIN.
Rah, Rah. Rah.
Zip, Boom, Bah.
Old familiar sound.
See 'em vince,
Bring the splints.
Call the doctors round.
Mammals boy,
Pride and jay.
Laid out in the fray.
Five ribs broke.
What a joke.
Dandy work.. Hoora,-.
Kick their shins,
Break their chins.
Tie 'em in a knot.
Beat EN- up.
Eat EN- up.
Drag 'em round q lot.
Smash the line.
Gee! That's fine.
Let nj man escape.
Kill the ends.
Make their friends
Put on yards of crepe.
Do your worst:
Do 1t first.
There's no law to fear
Rah. Rah, Rah.
Zip. Boom, Bah.
Football season's here.
BEATRICE SPARERIB'S COLUMN.
Priscilla: You ask Instructions on
how to get of a street car quickly!
Refuse to pay our fare.
Hyacinth-You ask me how to gel
rid Of your old hat frames. fudge tins
and condensed SOU cans. MY advice
is to keep an District.
Marguerite-No. l don't think YOU car
keep q husband on your salary and at
ford him all the luxuries he has beer
accustomed to and he might go home
to his father.
Anxious Wife-My advice to thu
lovelorn" does not apply to married
couples and o must look elsewhere
for information as to how you car
make your husband stop dumping his
pipe ashes on the dining room table.
Gertrude don't think that any man
who invites you to a theater party
and then takes you to a moving picture
show instead will make a very con-
genial husband, as in later q he
may ask you where the muslin dress IL
he bought you five years before.
AgnesETake a japanese lantern and
turn 1t upside down and stick a feather
in It and you will have a fall hat that
Will be strictly up to the minute. II
should come down well over the carr
and conceal the c~ountenance. By cut
ting small holes In the front for the
eyes, the wearer will be able to see
V-hA00 Mh0 II NnyN~ Nit. -kN- - -