The Washington herald., 1911-05-18
IN-LAW PROBLEM
Is A HARD ONE
Only Way to Get Along Is
to Separate.
By DOROTHY DIX,

I get hundreds Of letters from discon-
solate wives who say. they are married
to splendid men who are kind and coir.
siderate and generous to them, and pro-
vide them with beautiful homes. and that
they would be perfectly blissful excep,
that they have to live with a mother-in-
law. who spoils everything by her hate
full, dominering ways, her cold criticisms,
and her bitter tongue.
And I get Just as many letters from
mothers-in-law who say that their OLD
age is made desolate by their having to
live In house with a daughter-in-law
| who snubs and neglects and mistreats
them, or adopts an attitude of insolent
| toleration that is scarcely to be borne
The worst part Of the accusations that
| these women make against each other is
that they are true. mans wife and his
| mother are hereditary foes; and when
| they are forced to live in the same house,
| nothing except their being both PIN
feathered angels prevents them from
| fighting.
; Born with Meddling Mania.
The only way that they can maintain
peace and diplomatic relations is Iu
| adopt a strictly hands-off policy as re-
CARDS each others affairs; and this is
| asking the impossible Of the average
| woman. who is born with an unconquer-
able mania for sticking her finger in
other peoples pies.
OF course. the only really effective
/ way to settle the ''in-law'' problem Is
| never to let it occur at close range
| that is, never to corral a mother-in-
law and daughter-in-law under the
same roof. Until a man Is able to es
tablish a home of his own, in which
to keep his wife. he has no business
marrying. He has no right to inflict the
airs and graces and tempers and nerves
Of strange young girl on his mother.
| Nor has he any justification in ASH
ing his wife to put up with the whinr,
and crochets of his old mother: and
| II he wants to save himself from ag-
gravation Of spirits, and being pulled and
hauled between the two women he loves
best on earth. he will stay single until
mother is provided for and he can pro-
vide separately for wife.
Here II q Good Rule.
| If. however, two women are in the un-
fortunate position of being 'in-laws"
who have to live together, they can save
themselves much trouble by recognizing
/ that the woman who owns the home has
| the right to run it according to her own
| ideas, without advice or interference
| from the other. If, for instance, a woman
goes to live in her sons house she is
the guest of her daughter-in-law and
| should demean herself accordingly.
| It is not her privilege to take any part
| in bossing the establishment, or criti-
cising the way things are managed. She
should keep silent. though she have to
bite her tongue off when she sees
ldaughter-in-law using her best china
every day, and throwing away the scraps
that should go into the soup pot
On the other hand, II the daughter-in-
law comes to live in her mother-in-law's
house. 1t is up to her to accept things
as they are. and not try to introduce her
new-fangled ideas about domestic science
into a home that has been running along
| In the same rut for forty years.
| I have recently had a most pathetic
letter on this subject from a woman who
says that she has kept house in peace
and comfort for nearly half century.
Recently. however her son has married
and brought a new wife to live with her.
who has upset all the time-honored ar
rangements. She objects to the old lady's
style Of cooking and ways of serving
| meals, and wants to change the old fur
niture, and the dear old lady's heart Is
| broken. Her peace and happiness are
gone She has been robbed Of them by
her daughter-in-law.
Perhaps the daughter-in-law does not
realize what a cruel thing she Is doing
in trying to manage an old woman. and
discipline her, and take out of her hands
the reins of family government that she
has held so long. To an old woman, her
home is her kingdom, the little spot
where she is still of paramount tmpor-
tance: and to ask her to let some one
else interfere in its affairs is like ask
ing a queen to abdicate her throne.
The Only Reliable Recipe.
No daughter-in-law has the right to
do It. II she doesn't like the way her
mother-in-law runs things, she should
get UP and leave; but as long as she
stays in another woman's house she
should grant that woman the privilege
of ordering it as she chooses.
But the only reliable recipe for
mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to
get along together is to separate.