davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
OUR GROCERY CLERK SAYS
Women Are Funny

Take It from an observant bystand-
er, as a student of human nature. the
boss has Bill Shakespeare lashed to
the mast If there's anything that
man hasn't thought of, it's because
he hasn't thought to think of It.
Observe that third shelf to your
left It's as bare as l cheese that's
been exposed for free lunch in life
saving station with swing doors.
For three months that shelf was
crammed with dusty bottles OF the
best ketchup that ever brought a
blush to the cheeks of a fried oyster.
The only trouble with It was that it
wouldn't sell. Customers wouldn't buy
st, in spite of my assurance that it
could ketch up with the best of EN-,
greenish bottles.
For business reasons, and out Of re-
spect for the ketchup, the boss would
get sore every time he looked at that
line of bottles. He tried everything,
from the something just as good"
dodge to reducing the ketchup from
twenty to fifteen cents a bottle. Mop.
One day last week he tackled up a
new sign under the bottles: Best
ketchup, % cents; 5 cents returned for
the bottles"
They started to disappear half an
hour later. Women about to order
another brand of l1etchup would notice
that sign, and, with the something-for
nothing bug buZzing, demanded Mr..
Green Bottle Some that didn't even
need ketchup helped along the sale.
Oh, you bossi
The Washington times., 1911-03-25

90 you want to fight, do you? Well,
- 1 am ready.
:. You write that you rebel
against being called a man-catcher
as II just getting a man were the
only thing a girl thinks about.
Your objection is badly taken. You
are not a freak
You are doing exactly what the other
girls are doing. You are giving more
of your waking hours to thoughts Of
men-a man, perhaps-than to any
other one thing. You are half-un-
consciously dressing yourself with an
eye to attracting the, admiration of
men-or man, perhaps
II you are girl who works, your
necessary devotion to your business
is lightened or frightened or dulled
or dragged as thoughts of "him" dart
through your thoughts Of work.
Yet you lose your temper when 1
tell you some of the small and silly
ways you use to make your man
catching unsuccessful.
Do you not want a man? Then why
think and dress and wait and yearn
and dream with him as the actuating
inspiration of your mind and heart :?
You resent being called a man
catcher, do you? You resent being
told honestly what you are.
But why should you not man-catch?
There Is no single thing in the whole
wide world which you need, which
you can use to such advantage a. .
The Washington times., 1911-03-25

bein' disappointed. I think a little
discreet firtin is as good as a spring
tonic. Belle
Not that If l was a doctor I'd advise
young girls to brace up and start fiirt-
in. FIirtin's like an April shower; it's
got to be unexpected to be real. Oh,
l don't know, Belle; it's hard to ex-
plain. but a little innocent, long-dis-
tance flirtin sort of makes you feel
better lookin'. lots wiser, and more
important, somehow. And the best
spring tonic in the world won't give
you that feelin'.
Mercy, Belle, I'll be givin' you the
idea that I'm a flirt. But you know
I'm not, Belle. l never do. Once in
ages. Bill says girl that can't make
her eyes behave before she does the
altar two-step won't be able to make
her kids behave afterwards. Bills aw-
ful clever that way.
Heavens, Belle, 1 believe that fell
lows comm over. And he's goin' to
speak. ! know he's goin' to speak
Goodness knows I didn't give him no
encouragement. l just know
As l was sayin'. Belle, just DETEST
FELLOWS THAT FLIRT. If a man
tried TO f1irt with me on the car, I'd
have him arrested on the spot. I'd
Thank goodness! l know If he'd ever
O spoke to me, Belle, I'd a lost faith
in human nature-and blue eyes.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
Gen. Scott Undisturbed
By Troublous Times

News leaks out of Washington that
General Winfield Scott, undisturbed by
troublous times of the present, is
busly engaged in writing full and
accurate history Of his many cam
paigns.
Major Anderson, commanding Fort
Sumter. says. that he is in daily eX-
pectation of receiving by mail the
orders for evacuation. His supply of
fuel and provisions is practically ex-
hausted and if not speedily relieved
the garrison will undoubtedly be COM
PEELED to burn some of the gun car
riages for fuel.
Dispatches frsm Austin, Texas, say
that the posts of governor and secre-
tary of state have been declared vacant
because of the refusal Of those officers
to appear before the convention and
swear allegiance to tie confederate
states.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
Stars and Stripes
Still Waves at Sumter

The situation of Fort Sumter con-
tinUes to lie a topic OF intense inter-
est. Col. Lamar. the United States
commissioner to Major Anderson,
reached that place yesterday. He will
leave there for Washington tonight.
In spite Of all rumors of evacuation,
Fort Sumter still continues to fy the
stars and stripes.
The war department is anxiously
awaiting news from the military posts
in New Mexico. as it is feared that
the officers Of the army there have
been induced 10 join the cOnfedera-
tiOn.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
Arkansa, Convention
Agrees to Comprsmise

The Arkansas convention, after voting
down an ordinance of secession, agrees
! to a compromise to submit to the peo-
pie two propositions. The one, seces-
| sion ordinance, ana the other, reso!u-
| tions of a union tendency. The people.
! it is agreed, are to vote on the PROPOSE
| tions in August
The Rev. John L. Gray. rector OF the
Episcopal Church at Seaford. Del,
causes quite a stir by omitting prayer
| for the president of the United States,
as laid down i'll the Episcopal prayer
| book. After prayer, it appears that he
made some sort OF an explanation. say
ing that he was a southern man and
his sympathies Were with the south.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
DAILY SHORTEST STORY
1he LOst Switch

The great detective sat nlusing in
his Morris chair, the original model
presented by Mr.. Morris himself as a
token of his gratitude after the
great detective had informed him that
his cook, who he feared had been ab-
Quoted had only run away with the
butler and the family silver.
There was rustic of garments at
the door, and a tremulous knocking
The door was closed.
Some one is at the door,. deduced
the great detective, without even turning
his head. Granting that it is not
child, it is either man or woman
The eight-day clock almost stopped
ticking in admiration.
a woman entered swiftly. She had
opened the door
Il have lost my switch she cried
with dry eyes.
The great detective looked at her
iutently with those famous gray eyes
that saw so much and expressed so
little
You are not 4 brakeman he said
suddenly 1T is not that kind OF
SWITCH
sho started IN as:onishment ard
wOuGsr.
How 60 you know?" she whispered.
He smiled.
Il treasured that switci. as l DID
my po~dsr puG," sne said HIsKuy.
"Se perfectly di6 il match my hair
thcs often rot e~sn I coald tell which
wa9 switch. This morning l selt Gn-
der ny pillow, and
sEow many pillows have your in
ter-upted the great detective.
Two
"Did you feel beneath the other
one - re asked meGatngly.
With a glad cry shs rushed out
into the darkness.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
HER BEAU

"Our Thursday. Saturday and Mon
day mornings papers have checked
up shy for the last three weeks
regularly
DO you suppose they are being
stolen, pa?'
II know Kitty's beau calls We'd
nesday, Friday and Sunday nights.
/ want him to go home earlier or 10
stop taking our paper with him.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
new BOARDER

Landlady-I s'pose you noticed that
long g-whiskered old gentleman who sal
opposite you at dinner today? That
Is Professor Driebones, and you can
have his room, as he is. going west
on a scientific Observation-Disclosures
thing you ever heard.
New Boarder-What is?
Landlady--The object of his tour? He
has been told that a prehistoric cave
has been discovered out west, and in
1t sat ten skeletons around petrified
table. s. -.
New Boarder - Well. well Why
didn't the fools change their boarding
house sooner?
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
NOT A FAIR SHAKE

Teacher said that charity begins
at home. Do you know what that
means, mamma?'
Yes"
Did you know it means that Aunt
Jane is a wicked lady?'
why, .GeorgieI'
Yes, 1T does. Aunt Jane has got
a bucketful of hair an three switches
an Uncle Jim is most as bald as
an egg"
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
TOO MUCH or A STRAIN

Il don't think grand opera in
English will be any Improvement"
You don't?' .
mo. When 1 go to a grand opera
in French know 1 can't understand
what they're singing and take 1t easy.
But the strain to try to understand
English as the grand opera stars
will sing it will just about drive me
crazy"
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
HERO WORSHIP

TT has been said,' remarked the
Englishman, that the American
people like to be humbugged."
There is no truth In the asser-
tion,'s replied the American. I'VE
dislike, the idea of being handed the
short end of 1t, but when we find
any one smart enough to do II we
just can't help taking off our hats to
him"
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
NEEDED ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Caller-Your daughter is at home
now, is she not? / heard she had grad
uated at the Artistic Literary and
Scientific University.
Hostess-She is not at home. She
has gone to a finishing school.
why, for what?'
'Oh, to learn how to enter a room.
and sit down, and hold a fan, and
blush"
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
A HARD ONE

II suppose you've heard that I'm to
marry Mr.. Green she said to one of
her old friends.
"No." he replied, coldly.
you don't seem to be very enthusi-
astic about it,
"Why should be? Rot knowing Mr..
Green, l haven't any grudge against
him"
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
Confederate Troops
Mobilize at Pickens

Anxiety is expressed that they may
take with them the men, arms and
stores of their respective commands.
Fort Pickens continues to be the
center around which q great force
of confederate troops IS gathering.
Everything posSi BILE is being done to
conduct affairs peacHably there by the
union officers and men.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
The Southern View
March 25 1851 (MOndayJ.

| Advices from Texas say that Gov
ernor Houston and the secretary or
state refused on the 18th instant to ap-
pear before the convention and take the
oath. according 10 summons Served
upon them. Indians in large numbers
are reported on the Texas frontier, and
the convention is taking defensive
measures against them.
Dispatches sent out of Montgomery
say that arrangements have been made
with the commissioners of the confed-
crate states at Washington to await
the withdrawal Of the federal troops
from the Notifications before opening
negotiations.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
WIRELESS FROM CHIHUAHUA

Captain Mexican Volunteers-qen-
eral, the rebels are outside the fort
making faces at US and 1 can't think
of another name to call them.
General Ponto-Wow! That's awful.
Tell the men to light their Punktillio
cigarros and we'll go out and blow the
smoke in their faces.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
CONFLICTING PRESCRIPTIONS

Seymour wonder why Hamstat-
er looks so worried?
Ashley-It's because he's trying to
follow the advice of two doctors;
one of them told him to chew his
food two hundred times before swaI-
lowing ii. and the other told him to
use no food excepting milk.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
JUST SURPRISING

Johnny-Grandpa, do lioas go to
heaven
Grandpa-Eo, johnny.
Johnny-well. do ministers?
Grandpa-why, of course. Why do
you ask?
Johnny-Wen. suppose a lion eats a
minister.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
Mississippi River Points
VIII Play Important Part

News is anxioUsly awaited in WASH
iugtOn concerning the attitude OF sew
era! OF the western states. The situa-
tion in Missouri Is one in which great
interest is taken. In the event Of war
the strategic points on the Mississippi
river will be Of great Importance.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
The Northern View
Mnrch 2I, Is61 (NIondayl.

HdFtn -'hs IsOl NNOuudgJs
Alarm was caused at Washington
by number of desertions from the
federal forces which were massed for
the defense Of the capital 1t was
reported that the deserters had gone
south.
Men are being openly enlisted in
Washington and being sent to the
rendezvous of the southern confedera-
tion. at Baltimore.
Dispatches received from Sam Hous-
ton. in Texas, state that he will not
give up his position without a strug-
gle. Although formally deposed from
the governorship by the rebels state
convention, he has taken a firm stand
against secession. He declares that
civil war is inevitable.
The Washington times., 1911-03-25

to be / makes it"
"Oh, might ph,1e, might take arshp might of
things growled Mr. Peevd but you'd find something kick about
anyway though did walk three of
something for you That's gratitude you tell you
days. It's"
"Oh, John dear. do appreciate it, cried Mrs Peved taking
the package from his hands Pm if seemed but
don't make for worrying when you're late
Presents make anything this household said
soury They're of That's
I'm good work like dog day and day spend
money things for you Now on Go on Be just like all
bonbon dish solid silver; that don't
like the pattern; that"
John interrupted his wife almost "how you?
think it's lovely. ddont mind bit its being solid, /"
saw that because I'm or sneerd Mr. Peved lighting
settling You amt really pleased
go fussng buying presents
for you l tell you--"
you right there John Peeved cried his wife in sudden
anger Buying presents indeed suppose
by waiting for them the bottom of where says
Compliments Mcnt saloon in honor OF the tenth anniversary
of our blue and gold bar"
dropped his weakly away
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
PROFESSIONAL

Figg-what are you having carved
on the photographers tombstone?
Fogg-Taken from life,
The Washington times., 1911-03-25
Loretta's Looking Glass

man. Then, common sense ought to
tell you to catch one at once.
Man-catching Is perfectly legiti-
mate occupation for a girl. Just as
The Washington times., 1911-03-25

5EMS to me-" snapped Mrs. Peeved, jerking at
a knot in her embroidery silk, that you might
come home in time for dinner night in the
week
Might come home in time. indeed" retorted
Mr.. Peeved, pausing in the doorway. That's
nice welcome to get when feller comes home tired
and worn out with shaving all day in an office.
Yes, | might have come home on time if | hadn't
stopped to get you little present in honor of
deal just put through"
We'll" said Mrs. Peevcd in more Modified
tone. 81 think YOU might phone when you're going
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1911-06-15
OVERTURNED
Hundreds of Bennington Readers
Know What Is Means

The kidneys are overtaxed;
Have too much to do.
They tell about it in many aches
and pains,
Backache, sideache, headache.
Early symptoms of kidney ills.
Urinary troubles, diabetes, Brights
disease follow.
A Bennington citizen tells here the
way to keep the kidneys we'll
G. w. Gregg, 1l3 Bradford Place,
Bennington, Vt, says: II have told
a great many people about the merits
of Doan's Kidney Pills. ! was sub
iect to attacks of kidney complaint,
which were so severe at times that |
was laid up in bed for weeks. l had
pains in my back and the kidney sec
retions were irregular and painful In
passage. Doan's Kidney Pills were
finally brought to my attention and ]
supply. In three days af-
ter beginning their use, was up and
around, attending to my work. My
back was soon free from pain and my
kidneys were restored to their normal
condition. / cannot praise Doans
Kidney Pills too highly"
For sale by all dealers. Price 90
cents. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo,
New York sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-Doan's-and
take no other.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1911-06-15
WOMEN OF CHURCH MAY VOTE
Decision of Connecticut Episcopal
Convention.

Waterbury, June 15.-Women will
be permitted to vote in parish meet
ings, but not to hold Office, by decis-
ion yesterday of the Connecticut
Episcopal state convention.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1911-06-15
BARRETT PRIZE WINNERS
Annual Event Of Commencement
Week at Vermont Academy

Saxtons River, June IA debate
for the prizes offered by the Hon.
John Barrett, trustee Of Vermont
academy, was held Monday morning
in Fuller hall at 1920. The prizes
SIS, 10 and So were won by John V.
Piper, first; Cecil Norton, second and
Marvin Bowman, third. The debate
was on the Canadian reciprocity bin
Glass day exercises were held in the
afternoon Particular interest cen
ters this year in the exercises in the
case of the three young ladies who
are the last to graduate from the
academy, the Misses Ethel Hilliard,
Blanche Bacon and Helen Spaulding.
The academy was changed to a
boys school last year but these three
were permitted TO graduate with
their class The completion of their
course marks the end of anything
but a boys school President Chas.
H. Spooner of Norwich University,
formerly teacher here, will make
the commencement address tomor-
row. The members of the gradua-
ting class are: David Albro, Perry II.
Aldrich, Charles C. Buchanan, Paul
w. Glynn, John V. Piper, Leander II.
Redfeld. Guy NJ Simonds, Hervey A.
Tribolet, John c. Trott, Allan o.
White, G. Mederes Cabanas, Blanche
A. Bacon, Ethel NJ Hilliard and Hell
en- G. Spaulding.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1911-06-15
FOURTH OF IULY sur
Former Hancock Hotel Proprietor
Sues Many for $4,000 Damages

Middebury, June 13.-The case OF
u. IL. Sterling VS.. q NJ. Ford was yes
terday afternoon entered continued
on the application OF the plaintiff,
who pays the defendant $25. The
two counter cases of ID. T. Hanley
and II. H. Whitney VS.. ID. r. Hanley
and S. l.. Whitney appellants, were
entered settled and discontinued with
out costs to either party. The sec
ond jury trial of the present term of
Addison county court was begun
early in the afternoon, the case OF Ed
ward b. Richardson Vi. Charles
Church, Leslie Farr, Frank Abair,
Alfred Cady, Chester Lewis, James
Goodyear, Henry Blair and Leon Olaf
ton of Hancock and William Beck
with of Rochester, Leroy G. Russell
Of Middlebury and Frank l.. Fish of
Vergennes represent the plaintiff and
Thomas W. Moloney of Rutland and
James b. Donoway OF Mlddlebury are
looking after the interest of the de-
PENDANTS. The damages claimed by
the plaintiff are $4,000.
The case grew out of July Gel
ebration in Hancock two years ago,
when the plaintiff was keeping the
Hancock House. In the celebration
on the night of Sunday, July 4, and
Monday July 8, which conferred
around the hotel, DR.. Richardson al
leges that the defendants and others
whom he was unable to identify ere.
ated great disturbance and damag-
es about and on his premises. 1t is
said in the writ that a cannon was
fred at least 40 times, a great mum
Der of cannon firecrackers thrown on
his piazza, where they exploded, that
he was struck and burned by one, be.
ing knocked down by the force of the
explosion with resulting injuries to
the muscles and nerves Of one leg.
1t took an hour this afternoon to
get jury, seven of the first men caTl
ed being excused. The plaintiff was
the first witness in his own behalf
and his testimony had not been com
pleted when the court took a recess
for the night The case will prob
ably occupy two days longer and pos
sibly more.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1911-06-15
FRANK E. HOWE, Editor and Pub'r.
FORMER WARDEN CHASE

Through the recent resignation of
County Game Warden Harry Chase,
county and the state at
large will hereafter be deprived of
the services of an official who has
done more to create a proper respect
for the fish and game laws of Yer
mont than any other one man. In
the opinion Of the Banner, Harry
Chase was one of the leading game
wardens in New England He was not
only an official appointed to secure
the enforcement of certain statutes,
but he is student of conditions.
While he seldom took rod or gun
into the woods, his enthusiasm for
the protection of our fast disappear
ing bird and animal life is not ex-
ceeded by the interest of the most
ardent sportsman. During the six
years that he held the position of
county warden, he enforced the law
without fear or favor and his record
on the books of the department is not
likely to be equalled in the immedi-
ate future. Neither is it probable
that it will be necessary for a warden,
in Bennington county at least, to
make such list of arrests as mark
ed the first few years of Chase's term
in Office, The men who fish and
hunt in Bennington county have ac-
quired some of the former warden
respect for the protective laws dur
ing the past half dozen years and
men who formerly fished and hunted
in and out of season have come to
see that they were acting against
their own best interests.
But it was as a student of fish and
game legislation that Harry Chase
performed his best work for the state.
When young man he attended a
law school in the west and was
about to graduate when compelled to
give up his course because of i'll
health. He took up the
work of game warden in one of the
states of the big lakes district and
was therefore well qualified for the
position when an appointment in this
county was offered him by former
Commissioner Thomas. He no soon
er became a game protector than he
realized that the laws OF the state
were framed with so many loop holes
that offenders against the protective
statutes frequently escaped convic-
ton. Quietly and unostentatiously,
adding to his experience through nu-
merous arrests and prosecutions. he
made suggestion after suggestion to
the head of the department for chan
ges in the laws On several occas
ions he has appeared before the fish
and game committee of the legisla
ture and the results of his work are
number of revisions and new sec
tons of the laws that will be of last
ing benefit to the fish and game de
partment and the interests of the
state at large.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1911-06-15

1t is interesting to read in the
that the agitation for a
safe and sane Fourth of July forced
the largest of the fireworks compan-
les to dissolve. Fourth of July has
already become in many cities com
munity day. Sometime, if the de
velopment continues, American
cities may come to have their play
days, just as did Athens and Rome.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1911-06-15
DAILY FLIGHTS AT FAIR
Special Attractions Signed for Sept
1922 at White River Junction.

1922 at White River Junction.
Superintendent Fred l.. Davis Of
the Vermont State Fair association
was seen last evening by a Free
Press reporter at the Van Ness
House and announced some of the
plans for the fair which will be held
in White River Junction from Sep
TENDER 10 to the 2nd. inclusive.
A contract has already been signed
with representative of the Curtis
Aeroplane company and one of the
performers from that company's
staff will make daily flights in one
of the famous Curtis heavier than air
machines. The contract calls for
three flights per day to a height of
from one to three thousand feet. The
only condition under which a fight
VIII be put off is when the wind is
blowing 40 miles or more per hour.
Another attraction will be the fam
GUS PAGER Uhlan, last seasons fam
Gus performer. He will pace an ex-
hibition mile, but will not be the only
horse there who will be worth look
ing at, judging from the large list of
entries. The stake races have filled
remarkably well and horses from
nearly all of the best known stables
in New England and New York have
been entered Jennie W., formerly
owned by c. e. Whitney of this city,
is on the list for the free-forall,
which gives a purse of a thousand
dollars and there are a number OF
other fast ones, some from as far as
Ohio. The contracts for all of the
special attractions have now been
signed Burlington Free Press.