Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1911-03-14
81 HARRIS
DMERTON
LYON


replied. with suberb elocution:
"Mr. Feeny is gentleman and always pays his
board week In advance"
When she had repeated this seemingly irrelevant
remark fourteen times in rapid succession, Mr..
Hicks deposes that only because hO saw what dis.
tressful state she in did he borrow the quarter
back from her. Whereupon the phenomenon ceased.
But tho thing had now become quite common.
Mrs Lane seemed thoroughly saturated with the
idea She acclaimed it whenever the iceman twirled
! the ice at her: whenever Mr.. Joe Toole, who was
an old and gentlemanly bartender, turned his dia-
mand stud upon her; whenever she crocheted and
watched the flashing needless whenever she laid
out the silverware whenever she listened to the
ticking OF the clock and looked at the pendulum. It
was always the same. The trance produced the
tenacious assertion that Mr. Feeney was ahead with
his board bill! 1t never took any other form. For
instance 1t never forced her make the same boast
about Mr.. Chappy Hicks Not even the Hicks laundry
bill was thus shifted to the credit side OF the ledger
although the happy-go-lucky runner-up thereof had
invested dime secretly in a gaudy pamphlet en-
titled "Idow to Become Hypnotist A Science Full
OF Both Pleasure and Profit" and had practiced It's
rules fndustriously upon the goateyed Mr.. Tooe
and upon apoplectic Colonel Fitz, sometime British
Army ofdcer. who occupied the third floor back
Mr. Hicks couldn't do it. But Mr.. Feeny could.
Mz. Eeeny not only had Mrs. Lane believing that she
was In his debt, but he worked his magic on other
members Of the household. He once had Colonel
Fitz shave himself four times in the same morning
He went of and left Minnie. the "sayey" trying to
put her thumb a rose in the wall .paper-a deli.
cate operation which she pursued for some four
hours to the utter neglect of the beds the sweep
ins. He had old Mrs. Blumenstock. who rather
against her will wore mustache. removing the
same. also against her will. offending hair by Of
Tending hair. with pair OF wire nippers.A H~ had
Tompkins. the natty bank clerk, to work without
= collar on. under the impression that piece of
Irvine, carefully tied in bow over. his Adams apple
was the latest thing in neckwear. These injured
persons. one by one. ded from the Lane establish
ment while Mr.: Feeny grinned in ghoulish glee
You probably know--or rather knew-Mr. Feeny
You may have stood in line before the box Office of
that Vaudeville house on Broadway. New York.
which for weeks had over its entrance the great
electric sign, PHRENZO. As you stood in line, you
probably saw the big boardful of photographs Of
svengali.like person (only the proboscis was Hi.
bernian). whose eyes glared at you from dozen
terrifying angles and whose title shrieked at you
"Phrenzo. the Man With the Haunting Eyes" In
your seat you probably sat and gazed awestricken
at trembling dashing demon in evening dress who
made whole stageful Of palsied youths do his
slightest desire. You recall hew he held them for
five minutes at time in trained attitude with his
CHASTITY cry Of Like marble-now!" You saw him
CULVER with mysterious power before limp lantern.
three men could stand his chest while he was
bridged between two chairs You watched him make
them think they were dogs. goats. mules. tomcats.
He jabbed needles through their wrists without hurt
ing them. He blistered the palms of their hands
with cold pennies. ~
That was Mr. Feeny. who got $3.50 week and
lost $248 Of 1t on the When you to think
OF IT, 1t is small wonder that poor Mrs. Lane with
her weak eyes. wandering wits, and motherly heart,
continued to speak her pathetic piece and see her
boarders leave her one by one.
And there boubt they leaving
Colonel Fitz had gone. All the lady stenographers
house-to-house canvassers, and retired widows had
gone. Only Mr.. Joe Toole the unimpressible, and
Mr.. Chappy Hicks. the irrepressible. remained to
view the dominance Of Feeny.
Poor old DAME" murmured Mr.. Hicks, COM
municatively. to Mr.. Tooe one morning his
coffee. Mr. Hicks had rapid. explanatory style of
which jumped from punctuation point
to punctuation point and sounded like the heavy
melody Of a hatwheeed street car. 1.-THE whole
place is on the bum. Nobody left. and them that
are is dippy The cook put salt instead Of sugar
in the cake! Blung in the tapioca pudding! Fancy
Dishes both OF 'em And sugar in the corned beef
and cabbage! Not SO fancy /Stl spoilable. Tooe.
spoable-and she spoiled It. Even the had
fits the other day! He couldn't get his dope in on
cat, could he? Nav, didn't think SO. Still, the Cat
had fts Ny rooL! Broke pitcher! There's
the postman now. BLOWN his whistle Nice cuss
Says Mrs Lane looked of his buttons day be-
fore yesterday-you know, SHINY brass-and began
telling him chat Mr.. Feeny was a gentleman and
he rest. He tapped his COCO. Thinks she's nut
ty!" He paused If hill in the pit Of the stomach
with forceful idea "By cookie. sToole wonder
L she is?"