The Washington herald., 1911-05-30
THE IGNORANCE
OF STATESMEN

1
cabinet ministers was one Of the pet
! ideas of that giant among humorists in
| thoS profession, Sir Frank Lock-
wo and the cartoons with which he
| illustrated them, doubled up many a
grave legislator with laughter. 1t may
be remembered by some that one Of the
most amusing was a picture Of Lord
Randolph Churchill. in Eton jacket and
! with knitted brows. adding two and two
! on n slate and making the total five.
while Mr.. Arthur Balfour, in cap and
gown, stood over him with a cane in
threatening attitude. That cartoon has
been copied In all countries extensively.
1t must be admitted that never in the
history Of parl!aments was a finance
minister SO hopelessly ignorant Of figures
as Randolph Churchill. though chancel-
lor Of the exchequer. He once frankly
admitted, Il couldn't do rule-of-three
sum to save my life." adding, with a
twinkle in his eyes. Il suppose II is be-
cause / lack the sense of proportion. "
When his secretary once placed before
him a formidable array of statistics.
material for the budget he scanned the
phalanxes of figures with the air Of an
is all right. but''-putting a finger on a
few OF the decimal points-''joint tell
me. what do these Internal dots means?'
But II Randolph Churchill was weak in
decimals and vulgar fractions. he was
at least stronger in Scriptural knowl-
edge than some of his fellow-legislators.
In debate a few years ago Mr.. George
Wyndham referred to David and the
fifty fighting men he had in n cave.
Not David-Daniel.' interjected Sir
Edward Grey Il am much obliged to
my right honorable friend continued
Mr.. Wyndham; of course, / meant
Daniel" as the house resounded with
laughter and shouts of Obadiah
A little later the same evening Sir Ed
ward again aired his Biblical knowledge
by speaking of the feeding of the proph-
cts on bread and water. when Sir WILL
lam Evans Gordon convulsed everybody
by suggesting that the prophetic menu
consisted OF locusts and wild honey.
A few lessons on the Bible would have
been useful TO a good many statesmen,
past and present. Mr. Gladstone once
committed the atrocity OF putting Daniel
in the fiery furnace. and made the
Psalmist responsible for the words,
God tempers the wind to the shorn
lamb John Bright saddled st. Paul
with the well-known aphorism, "Cleanli-
ness is next TO Godliness." and Lord
John Russell made a touching reference
TO Pharaoh and his host struggling in
the engulfing waters of the Jordan.
1t was Golden who spoke of that
beautiful psalm beginning: Now lettest
thou thy servant depart in peace" and
" III KNIT hn
Of Commons that not all the bench of
bishops, not even Leviticus himself,
could prevent some men from marrying
their dead wife's sister
Once while Sir Richard Cross was
talking impressively of ''lacs of rupees"
a curious member interrupted him with
the question: How much is a lac of
rupees?' Sir Richard hummed and
hawed. grew red in the face. and con-
fessed ultimately that he really hadn't
the slightest idea" And once when
Lord Curzon was asked. during a speech
on the Indian budget. what an anna"
was. all the reply even he could vouch-
safe was. THE anna. sir. the anna-er-
er-why. ii is an Indian coin OF smaller
value than the rupee"
But II Is in geography that the states
man is most commonly at fault. 1t is
said that Lord Cranbrook. when secre-
tary for India, once convulsed the house
by referring to the whole Of our great
Indian dependency from the Himalayas
TO Cape Cormorant." Another promi-
nent statesman coolly annexed Manitoba
to the United States. and. in spite Of the
laughter and protests Of the house. re-
,ho t,e
ton.
On another occasion when Mr.. Goschen
referred in the course OF a speech to
the Lucayor Islands. and was asked
where the Lucayor Islands were. he had
to admit that he didn't know Per
haps.' he added. looking around the
house, some honorable member can en-
tighten me?" A dead silence fell on
the House. members Looked helplessly
at one another or at the roof and 1t
was only when one Of them stole away
to the library and consulted an atlas
that the pail of ignorance was raised
and the Lucayor Islands were identified
with the better-known Bahamas.
Benjamin Disraen once startled and
amused the House Of Commons-it was
on the eve of the Indian mutiny-by
tldt, 10 tIlc Dcsl VI
edge, Delhi was on the Ganges River.
But even he was eclipsed by the fifth
Duke of Newcastle who, while secretary
for war. said that Ito be sure Annapolis
must be defended. troops must be sent
to Annapolis" and Immediately added,
BY the way. where is Annapolis?'.
1t was an earlier Duke Of Newcastle
who once exclaimed to a friend. Cape
Breton an island! Wonderful! Show II
to me on the map. So 1t is. sure enough!
My dear sir, you always bring me good
news. I must go and tell the King that
Cape Breton is an island
Some years ago Sir Edward Grey was
sorelv puzzled to say how far Tabah
is from Suez Il do not say that 1t is
not 100 miles" he said. in answer to
Mr.. Lupton, but when the latter, hav-
ing led him so far, asked, rs 1t more
than two?" Sir Edward declined to an
swer; he was frankly out of his ground.
Nor was he the first foreign minister
to be caught mapping. A ticklfsh posi-
ton had been reached In the affair which
was eventually to lead to the Abyssinian
war, when Paimerston marked a dis
patch to be returned to Mr.. Plowden.
consul at Massowah, to be written over
again in blacker ink And he inno-
Gently added a private minute: Where
exactly is Massowah?'
1t was not Palmerston, however, but
his undersecretary. who once addressed