Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-11-26
|SS 5B55a:s s&2!s591%e{ss:l

having surrendered my lower berth to
her. I was low enough to ask her, with
the most phony. imaginable politeness.
how she had slept Oh, delightfully."-. said
she. Superbly! She hadn't enjoyed such
a nights rest on train ever before,
All owing to m'sieu's oh-so-memorable
politeness-no, poleetneez, ees it not? L
felt that my eyes We're rineed and hol-
lowed from lack of sleep and too much
tobacco. But did l even vaguely intimate
that l hadn't slept? Didn't /. on the
contrary, lie like one of those Christmas
present plush clocks, and tell her that
I'd slept In my upper berth like some
body drugged with poppy, mandra CORA,
and other drowsy sirups of the east?
That's what I did. And she believed 1t.
dear lady. and here's hoping she always
will believe 1t!
Again: 4 few years ago 1 slept at a
New York hotel I'm a room next to tat
OF a suffragist lady known through all
the United States. She was abou eighty
then. with roey-pink cheeks, the most ap-
pealing white hair and ringlets. the most
delightful white lace caps, the duck est
Il think heard 'em femininely described
as duckiest old cameo ornaments and
things you ever saw or heard of. She
a dainty old lady.
There were times when this extremely
we'll known old suffragist lady tthis vas
before suffragettes came into being) came
perilously close to admitting that male
creatures Of the human species almost
viewed the male Mcpherson with pretty
aslant gaze as a general proposition. She
would express herself in this wise on the
platform. The he-person. it appeared. wa
mainly animal, with hts brains and h
bump of appreciation seated in his stom-
ach. THE way to a mans heart lies
through his stomach!'-oh, grisly old
foolish bromidom-was one of the favor
lite and most often used dicta of this de-
lghtful old lady person.
Well / slept in the room next to the
one she occupied while suffraeist con-
vention was on in New York. The valls
between the rooms were Of ordinary
thickness, which. as to a New York hotel,
means considerable thickness.
Uncannily resound:ng was her sn ring,
The only snoring I'd ever head that
came anywhere near equaling the snor-
ing Of this dainty old lady was that of
Laughlin. Mclaughlin was a ships car
penter. and he held the snoring reco d
not only for the American navy, but for
all the navies Of the world-for. indeed,
all ships afioat. including those of the
merchant marine.
Thus circuitously are we swung around
to another aspect of the matter, namely:
Admitting (Which must be admitted
from auricular demonstration that lady
persons do snore, is the snoring among
lady persons confined solely to In Sc
among them who are adipose or verging
upon that same?
It Is not!
At little house party up New York
state while back the hereof writer's
gaze was riveted by the spectacle of the
most amazingly thin serving maid, an
English girl, his eyes had ever encount-
cred. She was one of those natural
emaciates, in perfect health. 1t ap cared.
but so grotesquely thin as to be SURGE
Of pride to her lady employer, who quite
Dragged about the girls bizarre, wonder
full. unbelievable thinness. l caught my
self thinking, watching that girl wait on
table, whether the gags of the vaude-
villianseabout the woman being afi aid TO
drink claret or eat an olive for fear they
would show could possibly be n gags
at ali, but true She was sort of k'rt-
ed string-bean. this amiable, wide-mouth
English handmaiden. and ii was difficult
to imagine that she could cast a shadow
even in the strong sunlight. She was
quite terrifyingly thin. especially when
she put on her Sunday clothes to go to
church.
Well. anyhow, how that girl could and
did snore!
She slept on the top floor, the fourth.
My room was on the second. All the rest
of the folks occupying the house. hosts
and guests. slept on the second floor So
there was no chance for a mistake. The
snorer was the extraordinarily emaciated
English GIRL none other in this land o
dreams. The snoring came winding down
the stairs like a bronchial fog siren. deep.
hollow, warningful. depressing, awful. as
considered proceeding from such won
derfully pencil-like feminine frame. I'd
doze of and imagine that by some queer
shift of the cards I'd landed down on
West street in New York and was stretch
ed out with bunch Of snoring long
shoremen. Then I'd come to. all sails
shuddering. and realize that the colossal
bunch of snoring noise was coming from
the top of the house. In the morning I
asked my host about ii.
What" l inquired. was that stupen-
dous-uh-that terrific"
II gotcha, Steve" cut in my slangy
New York host. grinning happily. That
snoring, you mean? Why, that was
Myrtle our English maid. Crackerjack
at that snoring thing. isn't she?"
He was. / perceived. as proud of Myr.
ties snoring ability as he was of her I'M
precedented thinness.
And SO the thin ones do snore.
Thus do our illusions crumble!
CLARENCE l.. CULLEN.