davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1911-09-28

detective saw . head with but seven
hairs to cover its nakedness.
"But seven leftT moaned his visi-
tor-a real estate man, the great
detective had deduced at once from
the samples in his finger nails.
Less than q year ago." he con-
tinued, '1 had more hairs than
knew what to DO with. Often had
to use the comb, not to mention the
brush, upon them. And now, sir. OBJ
serve the sickly seven! For week
one has disappeared nightly. Last
night 1 retired with eight. This
morning but seven met my Mortified
eyes when I rushed to the mirror.
cannot explain It. Not soul ex-
cept me was in the room all night
I shall go mad IL this mystery is not
cleared upP'
Silently. with finger tips pressed
closely together, the great detective
thought.
Sir" he said. at length. ''thers is
but one explanation.
The real estate man strained for
ward in his chair.
"You are growing bald"
Fervently. the real estate man
thanked him
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

Mr. Tonkins calm to see Sue, wich
Is my sister. last mite. and Sue was up
stares getting reddy. w1ch she genr1liy
Is wen Mr.. Tomkins kums, avn ak
kount OF him beeing so stuck avn ner
he kums rite aftir suppir.
Nv cuzzin Benny was at our house
wen Mr.. Tomkins calm, and wen went
up stares to tell Sue Benny calm with
me and we stood IN the hall outside Oh
Sues doar and sed togethir, Mr.. TOM
kins is heer, Sue, Mr.. Tomkins Is heer'
lest as IL we was singing.
AvI rite, sed Sue, Httil bit OF tnat
ros a very lawng way, tell him I VIII
be down In q mint.
Ses Benny
Ferst YOU go down and tell him. and
then III 20 down and tell him Jest TOT
fun, sed Benny to me.
So / went down in the parler ano
sed, Mr. Tomkins, Sue sed she WOOD De
down in . mint j.,
sed, Yure welkum.
Then Benny cain down and SEQ, MT
Tou,rins. Ant Sue sed she woodN be
down In a mint
So Sammy was telling me, sed MI.
Tonk,ns. but I'm mutcb oblidged Jest
the saim.
Don't nenshun it,- sed Sammy. who Is
very polite sumtsmes.
Then Benny and me went up stares
and pop was kuming down, and sed'
pop, are you going down stares' ana ne
sed, Yes, wy.
Bekaus II you are, sed. you can tell
Mr.. Tomkins Sue ses she VIII De down
In o mint.
The Washington times., 1911-09-28

pop, and he went in the perier and we
herd him say, Mr.. Tomkins, Sue will
be down In a mint
Will she, sed Mr. Tomkins. a. II he
was getting kind Of mad. and Jest then
ma startid to go down stares, and I
sed. Are you going down stares, ma.
and she sed, Yes, and I sed, Sue sed
she wood be down In o mint, you'd
betttr tell Mr.. Tomkins.
So ma went in the parler and sed.
Sue sed she will be down IN q mint.
Mr.. Tomkins.
A Joak?
Is this joak. sed Mr.. Tomkins.
Is wat q Joak, sed ma, I nsvir saw
anything like the peepil erround heer.
they are always seeing toakes In
things.
Jest then Sue leened ovir the BAN
nistirs and sed. III be down in q mint.
Mr.. Tomkins.
Don't hurry yureself, sed Mr.. Tom
kins, han 10 go now enyhow. Wich
he did, kwick taking his hat avf the
peano and banging the frunt doar in
sted Of closing It rite.
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
Vest Pocket Essays
Drawn for The Washington Times.

- OOD nature is a combined
strength and weakness of
mind which enables a man to
endure placidly scolding wife,
an aching tooth. late train, thiev-
ish office holder, a chronic hope and
insulting ticket agent, small boy who
has Just asked his 1,111th question, an
automobile suffering from mulishness
and the telephone In all its phases and
conditions.
Good nature is the breeding ground
of laughter the guardian of friendship,
the lubricant of smooth-running fami-
lies, the solace Of fat men, the anes-
thetic of misfortune and the curse Of
republics With good nature a man can
endure hard work. enjoy large fam
ly, forget an insurgent corn and enjoy
the jokes of Moses. Without good ma
ture a man can possess twenty million
dollars and get apoplexy because he
has been short-changed cents by a
street car conductor. With good nature
a man can run four blocks for train
that proves to be two hours late and
m enjoy telling the incident for a
week. Without good nature, a man
will reach a station fifteen minutes
early and try to sue the railroad COM
pany because he had to wait for the
gates to open. Trying to endure the
The Washington times., 1911-09-28

Amt Nat Goodwin a bear for bad
luck" asked the stage-struck youth
rs he brushed cigarette ashes from
his flaming vest
We'll" said the stage doorkeeper'
he does seem to have speakin' ac-
uuaintance with a jinx. But maybe
he's gettin' used to it and would be
lonesome If everything went along
smoothly without excitement.
Must Have Surprised Him
But this last Jolt he annexed out
IN Los Angeles must have surprised
him 1t was rather queer when you
begin to think it all over. Here he
digs out a perfectly good new play
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
A Web of The
Best in HumOr
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TO-DAY

ENGLISH JOKE FOR TO-DAY
Eight ounces OF flour. eight
ounces of suet. Chop the suet (not
too small). then mix the suet and
-four together with a little milk
Make It into a smooth dough, which
has been wrung out of cold water,
and not even Toured Tie the ends
safely, pin the middle wtn safety
pin."-Johannesburg Star.
The guest who swallows the safety
min will be the first to be married.
Punch.
The Washington times., 1911-09-28

complications of modern life without
good nature is like trying to run an au-
tomobile without luoricatins oil. The
result is heat, noise. sorrow and dis
aster
Good-natured men are more valuable
than statesmen to the world. A good
natured man can go through mob OF
1000 people and make less trouble
about 1t than an ill-humored man can
make all by himself in a church. IL IL
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
Too inpatient.

NO" said the clerk in the drug store.
we haven't got that, but"
oh, II don't want something else that
is just as good,' the would-be customer
interrupted.
Il wasn't going to offer you some
thing just as good What started to
say was that If you didn't watch out
you'd have your eloow on the fly pa
per-there! You've gone and got your
self stuck on it."-Chicago Record-Her-
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
In Kentucky

Scene, Louisville residence; time, 10 30
p. m.
Masculine Voice (from head Of stairs}
Young man, / reckon you don't know
the saloons In this 'neighborhood close
kentucky Lover Good night. my
love- I must hurry.
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
Acute Hearing.

why, the meat and potatoes are
quite cold
Yes, sir; you would have done bet
ter to have ordered a sandwich at this
time of day, bet you particularly asked
for something hot."-Lordon Opinion.
The Washington times., 1911-09-28

warshp guaranteed to penetrate feet steel
eaped and bounded far enough forward let the Amt
aen think the time when fond fathers be lookn down
baby daughters and say Se president
day!"
It's Not Only This Country
tell you goin' ahead Take the China
fr instance
poor ignan Cinnamon their
pg the floor while they banged their heads the ground
their ugly wooden gods And what's happened Why
their pigtals off, when they pound their
the before their wooden gods there's heather
ALL There's Belle!
It's somepin think about, Belle a those Chns doin
heaven by II could ony remember Just how mil
lion Chinks China, it'd idea of just what
for all of em to cut off their pistai1s at once
that none o :hese fellows that hn
They'd probly
6nd Belle chopped off placed end
around the world with left
stu etch from New York where the tail could be
thirty-four times around the Flatron budin.
And IL that amt progress. Belle, what is?
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
Lot for Sale

Consumptive-Yes, the doctor says /
wont live six months II stay here.
Is your section Of Florida healthy?
FLORIDA Man-Hea1thy? Half the peo-
pie, down there want to sell out and
come north.
"Eh? WhyT'
Tired Of life"
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
Our Conductor Says,
did | Get YourS?"

Funny thing, but / hate fat men.
anyway. 1t amt that they, take up
90 much room, so much. I guess
maybe it's because I'm SO thin.
So o. course 1t had to be fat
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

called The Captain and from what all
the dramatic critics say it's all right,
and all that sort of thing.
An just about the time he's going
to settle down and hire a treasurer to
assist the regular man in taking care
of the lettuce that's bound to come in,
some smart dramatic writer spoils X
all Comes right out fiat-footed and
says that The Captain Is swipe
from a one-act piece now showing in
vaudeville. That's one in the short
ribs for our most married matinee
man
This dramatic man won't leave the
matter alone and keeps stirring 1t up.
Goodwin says that there is nothing to
1t, and the other fellow sasses back.
And there you are"
What's in a Name?
But" said the stage-struck youth.
Il should think that the copyright Of
fice in Washington would have noticed
the similarity In two plays with the
same title and kicked up a muss."
Forget it. Kid" snorted the s. d. K.
The vaudeville sketch is running under
the title of Other Peoples Money It
would have been quite appropriate IL
Nat had the play by that title, cause
his money belongs to other people, at
least every time those punches of ALI
mony come due"
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
What's in a Name?
Lines From
Humor'S Dictionary
A HARn KNOCK

Where were you this afternoon 7'
cat a plano recital"
"oh. what bore! Did It tire your"
mo, l VAS the pianist"
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
He Looked Married

The Little Chap-we're getting up a
tug-o'-war between the married and
single men. You're married. aren't
you?
The 'American-No, I've Just been sea-
sick; that's why look that way!
The Washington times., 1911-09-28

~ setting of the words proves it all
] III. dream My fingers trembe when l try to hold
A vi pen, and there wonderful my
EA - that makes the words blur and shape them
i " 1TA SELVES into endless pictures of you.
R E:
L III NSI Is really true? Has really
L<->5VSSA and ask if be ready be
ISGAN/I married January? Can II Dearest, mother
4 w. But WILL for the question has broken
" down the carefully built wah of forced happ
m ness that l had erected about the months
and has shown me-suddenly and sharply-how
pitfrlv lonely the path of the days with
OF course am to "a little economy first"
for what have been studying household and means?
And oring long wedding tp-why dearest after ALL
home sur home-thnk 1.-THE happier brighter
the How judge-how settler
The old rhyme Monday for health Tuesday for wealth. and
day Wednesday, begin the and
the life together.
Count by Days
That means Jack may begin by days
the beginning of rush and hustle of
before the become deep
wish seved we'll enough to make wedding hate
thought dressmakers working should like
and with each whisper of hope
and happiness for both
Pm AFRAID all this doesn't very
ways and and wedding pnsbut can't
of hl girls dear. I'd lot rather
simply with fuss and feathers Only
every would disappointed that would be shame
On Big Weddings
believe it's more often the
the ending breaking of old ties so suppose there be wed
ding and But that's all ask That
strange house and vet find familiar the
wonderland on where led such few months
1N
PS have your again have
because doubt that all settled?
No / won't write ->I won't Good night dear
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
An Oversight.

Wifc-Oar new maid has sharp ears.
Huh notice thta the doors arc ali
scratched up around rhe' keyholes.-
Bcytou Transcript
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
Where It Was Weighed

How in the deuce did you get that
ten-pound bass to weigh twenty-five
pounds?"
Ssh! weighed him on the iceman's
scales"
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
Not a Substitute.

Consistency is jewel.
That's ell right, but you can't work
Il off on any girl instead of diamond
ring. g."-Tit-Bit
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
The Hair Mystery;
Or, Too, Too, Easy

Look, II you would behold pitt
able sightr' cried the unhappy man.
He removed his hat. and the great
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
Force Of Habit

Mrs. Bored-weke up. John; there are
burglars In the house!
Wood B. Bored (sleepily)-Tell them
I'm not In.
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
What She Misses.

II wish could. take as much inter-
est in baseball as my husband does"
"why7''A
Il should just like to take 1t out on
him every time the home team loses
Detroit Free Press.
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
M A ME TELLS BELLE
That Even As
Far As China
THE WORLD is PROGRESSING
That Even As
Far As China

lat happened next week, BELIEF Sounds kinda
foolish, don't it? But l bet that's the kind O
rapid fire news progressive papers1l be servin
up to US before long. 1t won't be very many
years now before man won't be able to fan of
the roof of thirty story skyscraper without havin
extras all over the city ten ali about it before
he passes the sixth floor.
o course, the whole country is goin' forward
oy Ieaps ano oounos, mhcn, aileI an 1ene, 9 Is .ne
every state in the union'll be electrocutin pris'
ners instead O. brutaly hangn' 'em by the neck
until they're dead and we'll have cannons on eyrY
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
Blue and Black.

You look blue"
II am. / have called ON her father"
What did he say thta so upset your
''It was not what he said shta upset
me."-Houston Post
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
Weapons Overlooked.

Knjcker-wecan't carry revolvers any
longer.
Bocker-But they didn't take away
the girls hatpins.-Exchange
The Washington times., 1911-09-28
His Method.

That fellow is making money hand
over fist
How is he doing it?"
Climbing circus erapeze. ."-Balti-
more American.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26

After those now in school have
finished, none will be admitted who
are not graduates of four-year high
school courses. It is hoped that by
making this standard clearly under
stood many young women will ulti-
mately be attracted to our normal
schools who under present condi-
tions do not attend normal schools
or go to other states.
A teachers course of one year,
granting a fve-year certificate to
teach, will also be maintained. This
fall, but not thereafter, those
will be admitted who have had
at least two years in an ap-
proved high school; and all who
have partially completed the four
years course will be allowed to
return these all may expect to com
plete the present course by June,
1918, when it ceases to exist.
Another act of the recent Legisla-
ture established training courses in
certain high schools in the state
twelve the first year and fifteen the
second. Nominally these are to pre-
pare teachers for rural schools,
although the conditions have not yet
been announced. These courses will
take part or all the time of the senior
or of one graduate year and are in
charge of special teacher who will
conduct the observation and practice
work and the study of theory.
The new catalogue of the normal
schools will appear shortly and will
be mailed to any address upon re-
quest. Inquiries may be sent to the
Secretary of the Board of Education.
at Barton. or to the principal of
either school. If Vermont is ready
for these changes it should be shown
by stronger financial support of
the schools in every town and by
furnishing more students to prepare
for teaching. Unless every town, on
the average, furnishes as many young
women for training as it needs for
trained teachers. the supply will
decrease. Until it increases there
will be no possibility of requiring
professional preparation as a requi-
site for "a teachers certificate or for
stronger elementary schools through
out the state.
A Friend of Our Schools.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26
A Game Of Words.

Three lives is word game played
by any number Of persons. The first
player thinks of word and gives Its
first letter. The second thinks Of one
beginning with that letter and gives
the second letter. The third thinks Of
one beginning with these two letters
and gives the third. This goes on till
some one is unable to think of a word
beginning with all the letters given
or till some ones letter finishes
word of four or more letters. In Ell
Their Of these cases the player is said
to '1ose 1ife," and the one next in
order begins new word When any
one Inns lost three lives he drops out
of the game. and the victor is he who
remains in at the last Thus sup
pose the FIRST player thinks OF ''house"
and says I'll" The second thinks OF
happy" and says "A" The third
thinks Of harness" and says "R-"
The fourth thinks of "harpy," but can
not say "P," because that completes
the word harp" 30 he thinks of ''Har-
lem" and says ''T.." The flfth is unable
to think of any word beginning with
"harl," and so loses life. When only
two or three are left In the game 1t
becomes more exciting. each one try
ing to give the word such n turn that
the next win either not be able to go
ON with It or-Win be forced to com
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26
NORTH BRIDGEWATER

F.W. Wilder was in Boston this
week on business.
Mr.. and Mrs. Lem Hutchinson
visited at Charles J Maxham's in
South Pomfret the first Of the week.
Charlie Peoples and wife are Wis
iting in Bethel few days.
Wallace Brown and wife of South
Pomfret were in town Sunday.
Elrey Wood and wife OF Bridge
water were at F. S. Hedges, and
then enjoyed a ride to Lakota, the
fist Of the week.
Luther Frink of Claremont is
visiting his niece, Mrs. F. S. Hedges.
Mrs. Sam Yeaton of Bsooklyn,
N. ", aunt of Mr.. Hedges, was a
visitor here the fir st of the week
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26
WEST HARTFORD.

Mr.. and Mrs. Henry M. Harding
celebrated their 57th wedding ami
versary Sunday, August 20, with
their daughter, Mrs. G. T. Hazen,
at Windsor, going from their home
by automobile with their grandson,
Deane S. Hazen, Henry M. Hard
ing and Miss Jane o. Cole were
married in Pomfret, where they
haue always lived until last March,
when they moved to West Hartford.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26
Names Of Famous Mon.


DAubigne. the French historian au-
thor of History of the Reformation"
died In 1872, aged seventy-eight years.
Els name is pronounced Do-bean-ya.
last syllable accented.
Meissonier. the celebrated French
painter died In 1891. aged seventy
eight years. Els name Is pronounced
May-son-ya, first syllable accented
Boulanger. French general, died in
1891. aged ffty-four years. His name
is pronounced Boo-long-zha. last sylla-
BILE accented.
Desmoulins. French revolutionist,
died in 1904. aged thirty-four years.
His name Is pronounced Da-mou-lan.
last syllable accented.
Michelangelo. Italian painter and
sculptor. died in 1862. aged eighty-eight
years. The italian pronunciation of
the name is now given the preference,
Mick-ei-on-j el-o. The Il" has the sound
of 'i' in pickle. third syllable accent
ed
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26
FOR The CHILDREN
What Mother Said.

know a little girl of nine.
II wonder IL you've met herb
i think IL you should Gee her once
You never would forget her.
Shes such a fussy little girl;
There Is 30 much TO fret her.
It In 80 very hard to learn
Tho tasks her teachers set her.
She wants to do SO many things
Her mother doesn't let her.
But, then. whom she is ten years old
Perhaps she may do better.
I'm sure she will not like to think
When she's O little older
How very, very many times
Her mother had to scold her.
II she would think about It now
Perhaps II might withhold her
From yielding to the fretfulness
That has 30 long controlled her.
Youths Companion.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26
NORTH POMFRET

Mr.. and Mrs. Claude Chaffin and
wife of Bennettville, South Carolin,
were at Mr.. Burbank's last week.
Mr.. Chafhn's mother was daughter
of Israel Smith.
J. p. French and family are NOV
into the house recently vacated by
M. J. Mudgett.
Miss Constance Strong is at home
assisting her mother.
Mrs. Harriet Whipple is fast inn
proving in health.
Mrs. Charts Spaulding and son
are spending this week with her
daughters, Mrs. John Doton and
Mrs. George Baker.
{. B. Adams and family were at
his fathers Sunday.
Mis-. M. E. Adams has niece
from Lowell visiting her.
Mrs. Will Whipple and the boys
returned to White Plains Saturday
Mrs. Ellen Hazelton Of Salem,
Oregon, is visitin e her cousin, Mrs.
Dana.
Mrs. Harry Greene and daughter,
Florence, returned to their home in
Worcester, Mass, Saturday.
The w. H., S. Alumni OF this
town attend the Alumni Reception
held at Woodstock last Friday even
ing.
Several from this place ate nded
the Old Folks Picnic at Sharon
We'd, and others attended that at
Downer farm Thursday.
Miss Josephine Dana returned
home from New Boston Saturday.
Scion Vail and bride are spending
their honeymoon at Mitchell Lake.
MI. Vail is a very popular young
man and master of our grange and
Miss Solger was very successful
teacher Their many friends wish
them full measure Of happiness and
prosperity.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26
PLYMOUTH UNION

Mrs. Philinda Green OF Ludlow
visited relatives here last week.
Miss Helen Jones of 9ridgewater
held services here on Sunday.
Mrs. Sarah Cove has gone to
Biidgewater.
Mrs. Almira Pinney and daughter,
who have been visiting at Maynard
Browns, have returned to their
home in Newport, N. H.
Charles Clay is visiting at Carlos
Johnson's.
Floyd Hadley has gone to Lud !.
low.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26
QUECHEE.

William Fushey, son of Mr.. and
Mrs Edward Fushey, died Friday
Aug. IS, after a years illness from
tuberculosis. Rev. FIR. Maillet of
Woodstock ofiiciated at the funeral
services held Monday, the Wood
men attending in a body.
Miss Jean Jamison and Norris
Wood OF Hartford were married
Saturday evening at the Congre-
gational parsonage.
Rev. Thomas Smith, pastor of
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26
SOUTH PoMFRET
PRESERVE THE OLD LANDMARKS.

PRESERVE THE OLD LANDMARKS.
We are glad to notice that Mr..
and Mrs Edward. O. Doton have
placed a sign on the old elm tree
near their home, bearing this inscrip-
ton:
"Doton Homestead, Settled 1876"
If others would do similar thing
it would help wonderfully in pre-
serving the early history of the town.
A few days since they celebrated
the Iooth birthday of the old house
by inviting in the descendants of the
first settlers, together with the near
by neighbors and few out of town
friends. Among the latter were
Rev. and Mrs. H. L. Garfield of
Woodstock Miss Mabel Vaughan,
Boston; Miss Sarah Strain, Mt.
Carmel, Conn, and FIVE friends from
Springfield, Mass.
Mildred Newton had the misfor-
tune to break her arm.
Lillian and Irene Atwood visited
Maud Boynton day this week.
Gen. Rush Hawkins of New York
called ON Mrs. Samuel Paul few
days ago.
DR. George Carnes and daughter
of South Haven, Mich, made Mrs.
Samuel Paul. and other old acquain-
tances, a call the past week.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1911-08-26
e. A. SPEAE
Woodstock We
Sunday Services.

Universalist-Rev. H. l.. Cad
pastor; morning service at
Sunday school at Has.
Congregational Rev. Reu|
Swift, pastor. Morning servj
1890, Sunday school at
Young Peoples Society of Chi
Endeavor at 7.3o. Thursday eJ
prayer meeting at 7.3o.
Methodist Episcopal-R Rev.
Clark, pastor. Services SD
Preaching, 1890 a. M; 81
school, II.45 a, M; Thu
prayer meeting, 7.3o p. m. ; 81
evening meeting, TOO.
Catholic - Rev. II. 7. M
pastor. Mass at ira N. eJ
service at 7.3o.
Services will be held the \
Sunday of each month at Y
hall, Quechee, at 9 O'Clock,
Barnard, at the town hall, 4
second Sunday of each mont
o'clock
ST. James Church-Rev. \
Blanc Lynch, rector. Morning \
and Sermon 1890 a. m Howl
munion on first Sunday In the
after Morning PRAYER. s
School at noon. Evening
and sermon S p. m. AL
welcome.
Christian - Pastor, Rev.
Phillips. Services Sunday. n
ing at 1890 a. M; 81
school at Il; Junior Y. P. 81
at 5 p. M; Y. P. S. &. E. a
p. M; mid-week prayer nj
at 7.3o p. m.