The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-09-06
cn.ey on the Senatorial, Contest

Cnsey on the Senatorial Contest.
Hrlan. have We liver noticed the
sthriki in resemblance between a poly
Casey
o'Brian merely asked: IAN how is IS
that, Casey?"
IT'S this way" responded Casey;
PIG ye iver see POLITICIAN lose all
comes out in patches, an likewise the
po!ytician is in full possession of all
ms faculties until he gets into close
goes a-avyatin, and ali is blank One
aay ne is the undaunted champun OF
d uoerty-iovin constituency, and the
next NJ, ne couldn't tell for the world
Look at the sinitorial campaign in
virginia. Here are four Gentlemen,
ws sos,i memories are as full OF holes as
not possibly remember how he was
nrst ilicted to the United States S'n!te;
sinltor Swanson does not remember
wnether he owned $4,000 or $4,000
baGcy Company; Misther Jones can't
tell for the life in him how he han
p pc "a to find the Thompson letthers in
beaten his brain blue and black
thryin to remember when he iyer
said Misther Swanson was useful
Pubic servant; with future! An
AS far as Misther Glass sayin'
Misther Swanson had a future. think
meself he accused him wrong II was
at all. but only a little deal in mar,
gins. and Misther Glass ought to
acknowledge his mistake. Besides.
swanson says he did not mean TO do
mornin he went to his front dure and
there. dressed in it's swaddlin clothes,
lay TINS infant Industry, the Ameri-
can Tobacey Company! What could he
90? What would ye have done.
OBrian? He could not let IL perish
thete, SO he adopted II. and cared for
~ IN various Ways and Means until he
round some cha.itabiy disposed per-
son VINO took IT off his hands. swan
son is very modest about this incident,
ana much prefers that his name be not
mentioned in connection with it,
But the contest is wan that must
warm the heart OF ivry good Rayput,-
mean. The slogan OF battle is We are
liar. an the retort corteous Is .Ya
are another!' 1t seems our STATESMEN
are almost measurin up to the sthand-
arc OF the peerless koosytelt as he
destnroys wan OF his inlmies with a
single well-rounded explitive! Thruly
1t Is a magnificent vindycation OF tho
primary systematic method OF ilic-
ton by elimination. Why did we liver
enjure the old regeem so long?
1T Is simplicity itself. this primary
systhem. All ye have 10 do is to read
the pa-apers each mornin' an ye can
see how the mighty conflict surges
q
magnificent audience and II most en-
thoosiastic meetin'-5.O0O prisint He
calls Misther Jones a thief so many
times. and the people cheer him TO
an echo. But the next day ] read
another pa -aper. and see that Misther
Jones has ameet!n, too He speaks so
long to SO many people. and he calls
Sinitor Martin a traitor so many times
and livery one says his argument Is
unanswerable. Messrs Glass and swan
son glare savagely at each other. and
call each other names. and so 1t goes
and flow of soul as the poet SAYS.
Aither readin the accounts. ] have
no throuble decidin' who ! viii vote
am able TO classify the candidates Cac
cordinS TO the speeches OF the oppo-
s!uon. as they say in Parlymint as
follows:
Martin says Jones is a thief
Jones says Martin is "a traitor.
Glass says swanson is a gambler.
swanson says Glass is a liar
AN there ye ar-re, II ought not
mind. Here Is vaudyville with con-
tlnuous performance, where we are per-
United TO come forward and vote for
your favor!'e villyan. an the capital
prize is sinity. ial toga, 1t is great!
Whom shall vote for?--the
traitor. If DO. then you. o'Bran. just
while Hinnissy might choose the thief
and Pagan the gambler. But We ought
not to expect to please livery wan.
For my part, ! will suggest that
the whole systhem be abolished. and,
in its place. have an throwing
contest. Let the State furnish each
candidate one hundred dozen one-year-
old eggs and let them retire behind
the barn and throw to their hearts
content, and the wan who comes out
with the least number of eggs adher-
ing to his manly form be declared the
winner or the sinitorial honors It
would be much cheaDer. and the nauc
papers could use so much more space
for the discussion of such useful TOPICS
as RECIPROCITY between the risident
and the lower house. or The progress
OF the world in civic betterment!'''
WILLIAM c. SMITH
Pulaski