The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1911-04-20
THE THINKING
GERMAN
BY SARAH BAXTER
Copyright by American Press Asso-
citation, 1911.

| Keeping ALONE gave LIE, L uCSAuSO ~ 81
| into the business of raising squads for
market. Having ample room In my
back yard, | erected dovecotes there
and put in dozen pairs OF pigeons.
About the time began to think of sell
ing my surplus on counting my young
birds missed several Of them. There
was a leak somewhere.
Behind our place, facing on another
road, was shanty in which lived a
German cobbler named Hans Schrei-
Der. One night, hearing noise In my
back yard, l went out with a dark
| lantern and flashed it on Schneider get
ting over the back fence. He was
warned that the next time he was
caught in our yard he would be prose
cuted under the law He put on a
! great deal Of injured innocence, but
continued to steal my squads. Finally
l caught him again, had him arrested
and the next morning appeared against
HIM in court.
"Jutch," he said to the court, assum-
ing the expression Of a martyr, II leaf
| it to you wedder poor man like me
can affort to eat squap. How woult
/ know 1 like squap If l don't know
bow dey taste. l got to puy 'em first,
| hafn't I, to know wedder like 'em?"
"That's very ingenious argument
Hans" said the prosecutor, taking up
the case, "but it won't work. Did you
never taste any kind of game-duck,
quail, snipe?"
"Neffer Do you take me for shen-
tleman?"
You've eaten young chickens,
haven't your"
''Proilers! You think I can affort to
eat proilers? All t. proilers go into
t houses of shentlemen like you. Pc
sites. ven t. proilers are two years
olt dom like EN-
How can a broiler be two years
old?" asked the prosecutor. II should
consider chicken two years old a
pretty aged bird"
"a proiler not pc two years Olt!
HIM! Yo' go to t. colt storage house.
Yo' flint 'em tree, four, fife years oil"
We're not trying the cold storage
men," said the prosecutor. "We're
trying you, Hans Schneider, for steal
ing Mrs Perkins squads. What did
you eat for breakfast this morning?"
Sausage"
Anything else?''
"Breat und coffee"
"Are you sure you didn't eat squab?"
Sure
Hans, did you ever hear Of Herr
Roentgen?"
NO"
"He discovered process by which
one may look inside the body and see
what's there
Hans looked uneasy.
'NOw I'm going" continued the pros
ecutor, ito use one of these machines
to look inside your stomach, and If I
find squad there his honor will send
you up for long term. If you will
confess I'll ask him to let you off with
small ine-just enough to pay for
the birds you have stolen. Now, will
you submit to the test or confessY
"Vat is t. principle Of t. machine 2"
asked Schneider.
The lawyer was bit staggered
"The principle is that peculiar light
called the Roentgen ray Eliminates a
mans inside and shows what is there"
The prisoner thought awhile. then
said:
Il like t. see how dat is DONE You
show me vat you hat for breakfast dis
morning, und l tell you what | do
Come, come" said the lawyer stern
ly enough of this. Send for the
machine"
He whispered to an attendant to go
to an optician near by and bring a
certain instrument be designated.
When it arrived the German looked at
it with much interest 1t consisted of
two brass cylinders, with glasses at
each end, mounted on an upright.
"Now, Hans" said the attorney, "be-
fore applying the test I'll give you one
more chance. Will you confess?"
Hans hesitated The instinct Of in
vestigation Indigenous with his race
struggled with his fear Of detection.
At last he said:
"If you flint the sQuap in my stom-
ach how long for l go to shail?'
The lawyer looked at the judge, who
was watching this new method of trial
much amused
Thirty days." said his honor.
Il risk it." said Hans. Look into
my stomach"
Il withdraw the charge" l said,
coming to the lawyers rescue.
1.-THE charge is withdrawn" said the
judge, struggling to repress laughter.
Prisoner, if another such charge is
made against you and you are proved
guilty TIL send you up for six months"
Il wants to see," said the prisoner,
vat vent truh my stomach dis morn
ing,
That's not necessary now" said
the prosecutor, "since the charge has
been withdrawn and his honor has dis
missed the case"
"Jutch.' persisted Hans, 81 wants to
know II the machine can do the von-