davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
Mr.. PEEVED PROTESTS

the past yet. by a long sight, and we
can't AFFORD to forget it Just be-
cause you don't know the difference
between a bivouac and a lamppost.
there's no excuse for keeping Jackie
just as ignorant. No. petty. I don't
believe in keeping a boy tied to his
mothers apron strings. Let him in.
vestigate some things for himself,
say, and this is one Of them.
Why, what If the country's future
is ever endangered. and our boy, when
called upon to do his share, knows
nothing but tiddly winks and en-
broidery? No, petty, let him play;
it's your duty as an American mother"
Well. John" said his wife, thought
fully. Il don't know but what you are
right OF course, 1 don't want the
boy TO be anything but manly, only
when 1 saw him prancing about the
yard using your opera hat as a drum
=
Using what? Using whatT' shouted
Mr.. Peeved. DO you mean to say
you have been allowing that boy to
play his fool tin soldiers with-with--
I'll show him if he can make
monkey out of himself at my eX-
pense. I'll show him.
And Mr.. Peeved rushed out Of the
room with fire in his eye.
The Washington times., 1911-06-05

are absolutely certain the piano was
not here last night"
That instrument is an absolute
stranger to me-" declared the tousie-
headed man. I've been trying to find
some of the other members of the FAM
lily to bear out my statement. but none
of them seems to be home
whispered in the tousleheaded mans
ear. The t h. m. looked about him,
dazed.
by Jove," he said, you're right!
And to think I've slept in the wrong
house all night and never knew IT.!
The great detective brushed speck
of dust off his cuff and winked.
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
Our Grocery Clerk
Says He's 1t Again

Did you ever notice the cold cashiers
hair? Amt she some blonde? And
natural. too, I'd stake my life on II.
The hair gave me another one of my
brilliant ideas.
You know Juliet has turned down
every gift I've ever had the nerve to
slip her, but l thought If 1 could get
a comb to match that classy hair of
hers-I never saw a color like it in my
short but eventful career-why, she
couldn't help but be tickled. And, be-
lieve me, that color is some scarce in
combs.
But at last, after wandering about
every department store in the city,
got it. 1t cost me four bucks, but I
got it, and it was peach. I knew that
If I went right up to Juliet, bowed.
and made a little presentation speech,
it would never do, so I pretended I'd
found the thing. Found a comb"
sings, displaying it under her nose.
who wants it?"
TN take it," she says, and, after she
inspected it, We've got a colored girl
home that'll just go crazy about this"
Swat!
The Washington times., 1911-06-05

you know she pulls of her shoes and
stockings and goes climbin' up that
ladder of swords, steppin', on the edges
and running her toes around the bust
ness side of the sniCkersnees with no
more fuss than you and l would over
shaving with a safety razor. 1t gives
you the same sensation when watching
it that you get when you bite on a
pearl button. But that amt all her
act. She brings out pan of hot char
coal and after lightin' a cigarette off
Il to show that there's really fire there
she begins to dance on the hot Goals.
And you don't notice any odor of
scorched skin while she's doin' 1t.
But, as I said before, how she does 1t
is by me-
With the Limp
Who's that coming down the court
with the limp" asked the stage-struck
youth.
That" said the stage doorkeeper,
lis Miss Mamie Insole, and she's just
returnin' from the shoemaker's, where
she told him what she thought of him
for leavin' a tackhead uncovered in
her shoe"
The Washington times., 1911-06-05

gaddin', an each time she goes out
she asks de lady next door tn look
after de baby fur uh little while. She
goes down town, an when she shows
up uhgain it's four hours later an de
kid amt had nutin' tn eat an is almos
\suffocatin' wild de heat. De mudder
does de same thing again. an'-yu
knows how hot il wus de udder day?
Well, de baby dies in de udder wom-
ans house, an now de mudder is heart
broken an is blamin' de udder woman
fur Il.
It's uh shame. Jimmie but mebbe dat
mudder ull be uh better woman, an uh
wiser wun when she learns dat she's
de cause OF de baby's death.
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
SHE HOLDS 1T UP
With the Bachelors Assistance

a continual getting-acquainted with his
own house? And why do you always
tidy up his things in YOUR wAY?"
But about the lady who was a kind
OF furniture van?" I queried.
"One hot evening we were sitting on
the lawn; and another bachelor and
were just beginning to think that it
WAS pretty nice after all to have .
bright, freshly gowned little wife to
serve lemonade and look pleasant. You
see, that woman was pulling the wool
over our eyes in great shape when
her husband peeled 1t of at a Jerk.
Dynamic Swear Words
HE had gone up to his room for
some cigars. The windows were Just
above us. A wild howl came from them
Then, there rained upon US a down.
pour Of the most diverse and dynamic
swear words 1t has ever been my lot
to hear. The cool, comfortable, lemon
ade-serving wife dropped the pitcher.
oh mercy I moved the bed!'
Her husband had moved 1t more. We
found him buried under the four posts
wrapped in the flounces, and MAD! We
dug him out. He had met the bed half
way up his shins. And he was ITS!
You wouldn't believe that one mahog-
any bed could do so many things to a
man. He was in a plaster cast for
months!'
Goodness! that must have cured
herr" 1 cried.
she didn't have to wear It! That's
the devil of being married. A mans
always paying for his wife's clothes
and her folliesi"
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
Reddy Smith on
Neglected Babies

It amt so much de fact dat feels de
heat, Jimmie, it's because 1 wus think
in uhbout udders dat made me look
serter blue dis mornin'.
Mos people can stan it, Jimmie. but
uh baby can't an'-well, it wus uh
baby I WIS thinkin' uhbout
Dere's uh woman Twin on our street
dat had uh little baby-jes' two months
OIL. 1t wus uh cute little thing, blue
eyes, roun' face an uh few silky hairs
stickin' out wv its little head, an
don't s'pose it weighed morn twelve
pounds.
Well, its mudder wus all de time uh
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
Being a Woman
Why. l can't see

why, l can't SEE
"Of course, you can't-being a woman!
Anyway, it's an occasion for feeling
feeling bad! My friend would be a bit
consoled If I could avenge his sufferings
by making a woman have a twinge.
You see. his wife, in that wild craving
for change which works like the bulb
bles in buttermilk, was always putting
the sideboard where the big chair was.
She shifted the table from the middle
of the room and left the four corners
of the chandelier exposed for neatly
puncturing his unwary head. She
always said she was sorry while she
dabbed the peroxide on the wound. But
she never cured the cause Of his con-
tinued sufferings.
Occasionally, when she was violent
she moved one room out and the other
one in. His chiffonier skipped across
his bedroom and took up its station
in the opposite corner, and he ambled
up to the shaving case with which it
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
The Piano Case; Or,
Oh, Another Mystery

Very we'll" the great detective
spoke into the telephone, 'T'n come
right over"
Taking a mild injection Of iced tea
to settle his nerves, the great detec-
tive walked rapidly to No. 1893 Putty
lane. A tousIeheaded man in pajamas
answered his ring and, trembling, led
him into the parlor.
The great detective brushed some Of
the dust off the piano.
All" he said, mahogany. And you
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
Loretta's Looking Glass

xkTT TAKES more than one swal-
i low"
ITO kill a roosterT the
bachelor interrupted
mo. sir! To prove that all women
are foolish. 1 asserted yindictively.
Then, here's swallow No. 2. This
one went down hardl' he said, with q
chuckle that was juicily enjoying.
Another man I know married a
wife. She had recurrent foolish
streaks, too. She moved the furni-
ture" he said, as If the fact were
prima facie evidence Of the debili-
tated state of the wife's common
sense,
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
Juggle These on
Your Funny Side!
WHERE FATHERS FAIL

Euclid entered the stadium looking
blue and discounted.
His associates held aloof for while,
expecting the great problemist to throw
off his gloomy air.
But they waited in vain.
Then they communed together and
finally selected Timmyanus to approach
the master.
what 1t Is disquiets you, great one?"
ouoth the messenger, in his softest
Peloponnesian.
Euclid looked around.
"Tll tell you, Jimmy he replied, MY
little girl came home from school last
night and asked me to show her how
to do one of her geometry problems
an, by jings, couldn't do it!'
The Washington times., 1911-06-05

had dos-a-dosed and tried to pick
grapes from thistles. In other words,
he felt for a handkerchief and pulled
razor.
about the strenuous efforts you have to
make to keep a mans love. What in
thunder possesses you to force him to
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY

An interesting story reaches us from
Belgium. The Princess Clementina be-
fore her marriage attended some ath-
letic sports in which first ties had only
Just been decided. Getting, as we sup
pose.' bored, but not liking to go until
the finals, one equerry, all fuss and
feathers, saw the manager and said
that as the princess was DESTROYS Of
leaving. the finals were to be run of
at once.-The Pink Un.
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
Heartiest Wishes

MANY congratulations. Herr Wengel!
1 hear your wife presented you with
twins yesterday"
"Oh. no; it wasn't me. 1t was the
other wengeL."
Then 1 congratulate you very heart
lily
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
Verified

THAT young woman who is engaged
to lord denies that she ever sung in
a chorus"
And 1 believe her." replied the Thea
ter manager. People In choruses are
mot expected to sing nowadays"
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
His Grudge

He has a grudge against the plain
people"
LAS to why?"
Says they wear so many rubbers that
II forces up the price of tires"
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
No Openinp

Why don't you speak to mamma,
Peter?'
II have approached her a dozen
times, dearest, but she doesn't give
me a chance to get in a word"
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
Easily Seen

Salvation seems to be mighty costly
to some, while it's free to others,
growled the man who was asked to
contribute to the church.
"Of course" replied the deacon, its
a bigger Job to save some people than
II is to save others"
The Washington times., 1911-06-05

don't why foolish thing she should
be branded for always but it as if they are
What could the Judge do His duty the
to her protection the of the girl have
deep into his heart for be personal letter the girls
suggesting different attitude towards her.
Why should girl branded? That
has been asked and girls striving
place the and of others, and has been
answered.
The Mother Should Blame Herself
would affection and be
honored stray path which
fate has their feet.
But that pathway be laid for them first by mother
hands and girls should be we'll trained close touch with
the mother foolish that other made
either possibility probability And done the mother
should blame herself equally with the daughter, should show her
trust her belief the girls and sympathy with the
poignant discomfort of her position her former friends
concerned and she should and
tenderness and second running away like that of the
child told offor after all she is but little than child
The " that she felt her position that hurt her cruelty and
that she pucky enough position and woras
vesgaon proved she had worked cheey and bavey through
those three monthshoud bring shame and and
friends and the girl herself; but will m That the real
The Washington times., 1911-06-05

HE Flynns their baby to bed early last night,
Belle, and spend the evening When
n hat have married all
Belle, there's always subject that's
#<5E ~ sure if they on'y talk long enough
IT the question O whether boys girls make
A. desirable children, and it's always good
T~ for solid of healthy argument,
( e experiences and accounts what
J|IF peoples children did after they grown
WI TO show their ingratude.
NJ f Mrs. Flynn whose children all boys, said
~ she thought girls the things have
good and mother
hepin Roosevelt populate the earth consists OF
really BILE children
instead about dressln and
and m father both guessed about
six the other far usin money
concerned
It's Hard Lines To Be Parent
enough about girls compny ben good
the mother don't get enough OF IT to be
the daughters big enough to talk
sapheadd around and teaches EN-
language that spos for anything sensible
married and sarn tor themselves on whner
girls handy things to have around the house
mother idea that boys trouble Just because
drssedwel ought to "a MI Fynns
face rubbed his bald and thought OF those five boys
Of hs
Belle any in the ctyn tell that there's cop
for miles nab her and hustle
him house because the other boys play ball the
when
to do getn lost breakin their arms and legs
said, started
to raise Cain, children amt like they used to be-
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
THE ERRORS OF PARENTS
Pointed Out
In Paragraphs
BY PEGGY VAN BRA AM

AUGHT, after GLIDING the police for more than
three months, l6-year-oldgirl pleaded with the
judge, day so ago, to be allowed to go free
to earn her own living under an assumed name
Don't send back home, judge" she said
tearfully. I'm learning to be woman and
worker in this way and-and at home-no one
trusts me. You see, eloped once with boy l
was in love with, and when they brought me
home again, l was, they said disgraced.' The
other girls avoided me and mother never trusted
me out of her sight. Everything l did, seemed
to be wrong They never gave chance any
more and made mind away
The Washington times., 1911-06-05
OUR DEVIL WONDERS

II anybody ever thought up bright
ef scheme than the sanatorium super
who installed short weight
scales for the patients to step on after
taking the obesity treatment.
The Washington times., 1911-06-05

.tTT TAKES more than one swal-
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18
NOVEMBER NUPTIALs.

Miss Mary Katherine Cannon, OF
New Albany, and Ernest Covington
Huber. OF Louisville. were married
Tuesday afternoon at Holy Trinity
Catholic rectory in New Albany. The
Rev. Charles Curran performed the
ceremony. After the ceremony the
bridal couple departed on a wedding
trip to Cincinnati. Cleveland and
other points, and on their return
they Will live at 1147 Second street
In Louisville. The bride is a daugh-
ter OF Capt. Thomas Cannon, night
Chief OF Police in New Albany, and
Is a charming young woman. and the
groom is connected with the Acme
Printing Company In this city.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18
GONE TO REST.

Frank Kustes, seventy-nine years
OF age, native of Germany but for
more than fifty years a resident of
Jefferson county, died of compiled
ton of diseases on Friday afternoon
OF last week at his home on the
Ashbottom road, where he had re-
sided for the past forty-eight years.
Although in poor health during the
last few months he was not forced
to his bed until eight days before.
He is survived by his wife, who for
merly was Miss Catherine Fisher;
one sister, who lives in Louisville; a
brother, residing in Germany, and
three sons, Frank, Jr., Fred and
Q. II. Kustes, who conducts a gro
Gerry at Highland Park. The funeral
was held Sunday afternoon from ST.
Leo's church, the Rev. Father Fitz-
gerald officiating at the solemn
obsequies.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18
ST. BRIGD's BAZAAR.

The members of st. Brigids con-
gregation will give a bazaar on
Monday and Tuesday, November ~
and %, at Trinity Council hall,
Baxter and Morton avenues, the
proceeds of which will go toward
building the new church. The
ladies have been at work for some
time, making many pretty and use
ful articles, and a bevy of pretty
girls will grace the several booths.
The Japanese booth will contain
some little Japs dressed in ancient
costume. There will be no soliciting
on the floor except selling tickets on
the big wheel There will be a lotto
game each afternoon and some beau
tiful prizes will be distributed. The
s1.400 lot, 40x160 feet, in the
Goddard subdivision, will be awarded
during the bazaar.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18
MOVING PICTURES.

The Casino and Orpheum will next
week present their patrons another
fine programme of motion pictures
with changes every day. They will
include American life pictures treat
Ing OF the tragic and comic and Civ
Ing views that are instructive as
well as interesting Both these
houses continue In popular favor be-
cause OF the great care exercised In
the selection of their pictures, which
surpass all others exhibited in Louis
VILE.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18
HOPKINS THEATER.

For next week the Hopkins Thea
ter programme will be featured by
some OF the most amusing acts in
vaudeville ever seen In Louisville
before, unless as headline attractions
of the bills at the higher priced
theaters. There are six numbers on
the bill OVERLOOKING with brisk
comedy and quick action. tuneful and
swinging music. singing and dancing
turns and some entirely new vaude-
VILE feats. The list is completed
with the offering of Charles ICY"
Reinhart, which includes two new
song hits and the latest output In
motion pictures.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18
AVENUE THEATER.

The Avenue Theater offering for
next week will be a touching play
written by Lillian Mortimer and en-
titled mo Mother TO Guide Her.
This will be one Of the best produc-
tons seen thus far at the Avenue.
The company 10 we'll balanced and
capable one. and feature will be
the stage setting. which requires
quite an amount OF scenery. There
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18
WALNUT rHEATER

The many friends OF Halle
Erminie Riyes In this city will be
glad to know that her novel, Satan
sanderson," has been dramatized,
and that the popular dramatic actor.
Norman Hackett, has been selected
to play the stellar role. Better still.
the play Will be seen at the Walnut
Theafer next week.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18
sHUBERT Masonic.

Theater-goers OF Louisville. who
capitulated TO the charms of THE
Chocolate Soldier" last year, will
have an opportunity to welcome the
return of the chocolate-lovlng hero
next Monday night at the shubert
Masonic Theater, for a stay OF three
nights and Wednesday matinee.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18

DIVISION 3.
Meets First and Third Mondays,
nineteenth and Portland.
President-D. J. Coleman.
Vice Presidcnt-Hugh Hourigan.
Recording Secretary - Thomas
Stevens.
Financial Secretary j. @. Hes
sion.
Treasured. ]. Dougherty.
Sergeant-at-Arms-J Stevens.
Sehtinel-Thomas Noon.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18

DIVISION Q.
Meets first and third Wednesdays,
Odd Fellows Hall, Sixth and Wal
nut streets.
President-C. J. Ford.
Vice President-Ernest Smith.
Recording Secretary-William T..
Meehan.
Financial secretary-John ].
Keaney.
"REMINISCENCES Welsh.
Sergeant-at-Arms- s. Nally.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18
SWISS CLEANERS and DYFRS s. ~" &c., es s
SOCIETY DIRECTORY


DIVISION 1.
Meets at Falls City Hall On First
and Third Tuesday.
President-William Murphy.
Vice President - Anthony Tomp-
hns.
Recording Secretary - Joseph r.
Farrell.
Financial Secretary-Thos. Dolan.
Treasurer-Thomas p. Lawler.
Ser geant-at-Arms-Louis Roller.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18

will be daily matinees during the
engagement.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18

DIVISION 4.
Meets Second and Fourth Monday.
bertrand Hall, Sixth Street.
President-John H. Hennessy.
Vice President-Thomas Lynch.
Recording Secretary - John ].
Barry.
Financial Secretary-Thomas ].
Langan.
Treasurer-Harry Brady.
Assistant Financial Secretary -
d. j. Reilly.
Sergeant-at-Arms - William Cal
iaghan.
Sentinel-M. ]. McDermott.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18

Many OF the new skirts are fitted
with a seam over the right hip and
a long straight dart over the left
hip.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18

Helped at Once 10
Ashley, Ind, r. 2. Box IS, Oct. 10. 1910,
1 had very severe Nervousness, could
only sleep two nights In a week and
scarcely walk. Life was a burden to
me, as I had NO. appetite at all A
friend recommended Pastor Koenig's
Nerve Tonic and the third dose OF II
relieved me. Mr.. Charles Erwin took
one-half bottle for nervous headache
OF about "A years standing and It
cured him. I was treated by our family
doctor with no relief, until I took the
Nerve Tonic. I am telling every one
troubled with Nervousness OF this
wonderful remedy. / would be today
in an asylum or have taken my life,
had IL not been for the great Nerve
Tonic. / win always praise IL.
Mrs. Nina Erwin.
FnFF A Valuable Book on ker-
kkkH vous Diseases and q Sample
HAl bottle 70 any address, Poor pa,
TENTS also get the medicine tree.
Prepared by the REV. FATHER KoEElo, OF Fort
Wayne, Ind, since 1870. and now by the
koEhI0 MED. CO., Chicago, ~.
ZOE Lake Street
Sold By Druggists a 81 per Bottle. for IS.
Large Size. s1.5Si Q Bottles Tor %.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18

DIVISION 1, JEFFERSoNvILLE.
Meets First and Third Wednesday
At Elks' Hall.
County President - Lawrence
Ford.
President-John G. Cole.
Vice President. e. Murphy.
Recording Secretary-Hugh Nc
Grodg.
Financial Secretary-John Hogan.
Treasurer-B. A. Coll.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES Gar
rity.
SeDtinel-Thomas Gleason.
Marshal-Miehael Noon.
Kentucky Irish American. (Louisville, Ky.) 1898-1968, 1911-11-18

MACKIN COUNCIL, 205.
Meets Monday Evenings at Club
House, 344 North Twenty-sixth.
President-Samuel L. Robertson.
Vice Presidents-Joseph ]. Han
cock, A. c. Link.
Financial Secretary-F. G.. Adams.
Recording Secretary-R. Osborne.
Corresponding Secretary II B.
Dillon.
Trcasurer-W. A. Link.
Marshal. H. Sheehan.
Inside Sentinel-P. Andriott.
Outside Sentinel-Joseph Stewart.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1911-05-11
FARyW PAGE g#8

hour Of rain. That acre of millet was
the wonder Of all the neighbOrhood.
The millet stood five feet in it's socks.
1t produced three tons of golden hay.
We do not pay enough attention TO
the question of valuable forage
plants. A distinguished gentleman
asked me few days ago to name for
him few hay-yielding plants that
could be sOWn or planted through
Spring and early Summer. | men
toned Lespedeza first; then named
other plants all of which are adpted
to Georgia land.
We are, moreover, afraid of the
new. just because, we have never
seen this or that plant growing, we
are disposed to taboo it without fur
their inquiry. That is unwise.
May is the month in which to set
out sweet p""-.to drawers or plants.
Of all the varieties, the sugar and the
pumpkin yam are the leaders.
Taking Georgia counties, which
range in production of sweet pota-
toes from $4,000 to 10000 bushels
a year, We classify them in groups
as follows:
First, Berrien, Irwin, and Thomas;
second, Wayne Dooly and Decatur;
third, Washington, Brooks and TAFT
nall; fourth, Burke, Emanuel, Ell
bert, Hancock, Worth, Ware, DeKalb,
Houston, Camden, Coffee, and Sum-
ter.
A 7-2-8 high grade goods will make
sweet potatoes $50 to 500 pounds
per acre. S75 pounds of 16 per cent
acid phosphate, $50 pounds of nj
trate of soda or double that quantity
Of cotton meal, and 800 pounds of
muriate of potash will meet the re-
Quirem
Experiment, Ga.