davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21

but upon reflection I remembered th::..
George Washington used to live at
Valley Forge, and knew that if went
out there ] would see-the-house-
where George ashington-slept- So
1 wrote my friend that Ind died the
week before of Washington on the
brain and was buried under the house
where George Washington slept, and
/ stayed in New York.
Nobody has ever shown me a house
where George Washington woke I'D,
q cigarette, or used the telephone, or
hacked the cherry furniture with his
little tommy hack, or fought the Brit
ish.
And that is why say, All honor to
George Washington Though he slept
everywhere and all the time and never
woke up, except that time they pu.
the Waterbury watch in his bedroom,
be still found time to become the
father of his country He was first
In war, first in sleep and first in the
hearts of his countrymen! After life's
ftful fever he sleeps welL-as usual
Long may he sleep! And long may
his grateful countrymen hold in rever-
ence and keep the taxes paid and the
roof on and the mortgage off
The House
Where
George
Washington
Slept.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21
To Prevent the Grip

Laxative Bromo Quinine removes In"
cause. There is only one "Bromo gu
nine" Look for signature OF r W.
Grove. % cents.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21

''coAE ALONG. AND Ill SHOW II To YoU-H
and they showed me the house where
George Washington slept
After that l made a trip to Le1ing-
ton. where
By the rude bridge that arcl,ed the food
Their flag TO April's breeze uufUrled.
Here once the eTubattIed farmers stood
And fired the shot heard round the world.
l wanted 10 see that rude bridge that
1rched the food. but they took M
scroSs the bridge without telling mo
what bridge it was and showed me
the house where George Washington
slept.
BY that time l was beginning 10 get
a little sleepy and tired myself. so
concluded TO go up into the Green
Mountain country OF Vermont and ,et
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21
There's Real friendship
In Letting Your Friends Know How
Good HOLSTERS ROCKY
MOUNTAIN TEA Really
Is In ALL CHRONIC
AILMENTS.

Women who have used it, and know liza value
from experience, Say Hollister'G Rocky
Mountain Tea positively has equal
female tonic. Women who have suffered for
years from ailments and disorders peculiar to
their se1-vvoueu who have become discouraged
and hopeless the belief that there was no
permanent relief for them-have found IN
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21
The Fictitious
Washington

. BY WILLIS BROOKS HAWKINS. .
%D3-&C%
Copyright by American Press Associa-
ton, 1911
D ERIAH jerks was tall and
ia straight,
H. Though short and badly bent-
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21

mo mountain air wake mo up. For
self protection I pinned a large plac-
ard on my back reading:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21
Yes. !'r1 From Missouri.
but DON'T Show Nc

But l stopped At Bennington. the
town where General Joan stark re
marScd that II h. G.GI't whip the
British before T. III. Mary Stark
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21

6y which, If you
will kindly
wait,
I'll tell you what
is meant:
In mind and char
acter he stood
The tallest man
in town,
And in impartial
hardwood
Was squarely up
and down.
For these and other
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21
copyright by American Press Associa-
ton, 1911

copyright by American Press Associa-
ton, 1911
7EORGE WASHINGTON was
I0 a great man But history
- does not give him full credit
~ for his greatness. He was
much greater than most of US suspect
So far as / know, George Washington
was the only man in history who con-
quered powerful nation while he was
asleep. Napoleon Bonaparte was a
great soldier. and his biographers tell
us that he slept only five hours q day.
Yet on that five hours sleep be CON
quered Europe ard if he had got up
little earlier in the morning he might
not have fallen down at Waterloo.
But George Washington went to the
other extreme He slept all the ume.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21

stop over privileges, and that night /
slept and the next morning I met q
friend of mine who had lately re
moved to New York from Pike coun-
". No. and was still seeing the
sights He invited me to go up into
the Harlem neiEhboThOod with him
and see some sights. and I went. and
ne showed me the house where George
Washington slept He told me l was
from Missouri and be had 10 show me
After got out of the hospital l re-
ceived letter from Il friend Of mine
who lives ~ Waller Forge. Pa he
said ! needed country &iz and the
rural sights and sceres and Invited
me TO come down ARA spend Z month
with him and reeUpera-s. / was
about 10 accept this Ind invitation.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-02-21

z or these ana QUIET 7,
eoodly traits
He held q lifelong lease
Upon the peoples worldly fates
As justice of the peace
And SO administered the laws
That everybody knew
Twas useless, save with righteous
cause,
For any one to sue.
One day the constable arraianed
Josiah Lsdd as one
Who had defjantly maintained
That General Washington
Was not the saint that people said
As in his praise they We'd,
But, being only human bred.
Had doubtless erred and lied.
The justice heard the charge and then
Delivered his decree.
"This court believes all men are man
With human faults," said he.
"And like enough George Washington
is being oVerpraised
Because or victories he won
When Freedoms flag was raised"
The cuIprit smiled ard turned to go.
But stopped at comm and.
"And yet" said Justice Jerks, I'VE know
That. on the ether hand,
We must not let mere facts asssil
The high ideals Of youth.
therefore send this man 20 Jail
For telling too much truth"
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

If 1 no sumthing, that is the sipDiy.
sed, and If you want to no wat # is
that wood be the demand. woodent Il,
sed.
CESS It wood. sed Mr.. Tomkins.
Well. 1 sed, I no sumthing Sue sed
about you. so I'm the sipply.
Well, I want to no wat it Is, Mr..
Tomkins sed, so I'm the demand.
l don't believe the sipply is as wet
as the demand is dry, I sed.
Tomkins Stumped
I'm not far enuff advansed In the
subjeck to no wat that means, sed Mr..
Tomkins. but If a quarters any induse-
ment, I'm the demand.
And he put a quarter on the edge Of
the tabll.
Sue sed, sed, kuvering the quarter
with one hand, that you'd be an orful
Mise yung man if you wasent so silly.
Good evening, Mr.. Tomkins, sed Sue.
koming in the parler jest then.
Mr.. Tomkins Jest bowed like he had
pane in the neck, and I took the
quarter and went to look for my hat
and don't no wat happened aftir that.
The Washington times., 1911-06-27

Mr. Johnson. wich is pops friend,
calm ovir last mite and tawked to pop
about sipply and demand.
It was a lawng tawk and both of
them got existed about it, banging
thare fists on the tabil and awl. and
aftir a vile pop sed. Well Lew, come
around the korner and Ill show you a
plase ware the sipply is always as wet
as the demand is dry.
Awl rite, sed Mr.. Johnson. for PER
pises of instruckshun i'll go.
Jest then Sue, wfch Is my sister,
kalled to me, Sammy, go down in the
parier and entertane Mr.. Tomkins til
come down and for hevens sakes don't
let that tung Of yures run away with
you
Sammy Entertains
So I went down to entertane Mr..
Tomkins, who has littel mushtash SO
litteI you cant see It hardly and pants
termed up at the bottim.
Do you no wat sipply and demand Is?
Mr.. Tomkins, 1 sed.
wy, yes, Sammy. sed Mr.. Tomkins.
So do I. l sed.
That's Mise, sed Mr.. Tomkins.
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
SHE HOLDS IT UP TO THE
Woman Who is Money Mad

prosperity for what We had rather
than what we were.
And you, the money maniac, are the
one who most often holds the draft
to trembling lips. If wrongs done by
intentional oversight, by heathenish
cruelty of manners could be punished
as the wounds made by hands and
deadly weapons may, you would be
suffering a complete imprisonment,
shut from the society you abuse,
starved of the things that money buys
and you adore.
A He'll of Emotions
But there is no such way to reach
you With a brazen well-being that
stirs up a very hell of revengeful and
cankering emotions in the victims OF
your mania, you seem 20 tread
charmed way. But 1t is a narrowed
Judgment that thinks you happy and
satisfied. You, with all your mad
ness for money, have too little to sat-
isfy you. That is your curse. And
even If you had millions upon mill
lions, It would still find you dissatis-
fed. You want more, more, more than
any one else! You want to patronize
and govern by the power OF wealth.
Your colossal ambitions to spend and
to show the wealth you owned would
be forever made your punishment, for
some one else would have more than
your much.
You want ALL THE MONEY IN
THE WORLD. It's a part OF your
mania that there should never be
enough for you. You suffer. But I
wonder II you will ever suffer as you
have made others suffer. All! 1t
takes b strong hand on the rein Of
ones wishes to keep them from run
ing away and becoming wild hopes
that you may know the pain you have
made others feeli
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

lyn into Washington Crossing the Della
ware. Why, he was the whole cheese
on the Chautauqua circuit for three
or four seasons. and was maxim money
so fast that he had to hire a friend
to stay up nights and figure out ways to
spend It,
But when he came back TO the white
lights and fell into the big time, II
was too much for him. Nothin' but
fur-lined coats in winter time and a1to-
mobile lamps hung all over him. AS
a spender he really qualified as an
artist"
But Where; Oh, Where?
But where, oh. WHERE asked the
stage-struck youth. did the duffer ever
learn to draw enough to put over his
act in the first place."
He never learned" responded the
S. D. K, neither did it come natural
to him. He just dragged a piece Of
charcoal around from one pin hole 10
another pin hole on a piece of paper
until the sketch was completed. The
artist who put in the pin holes fell
down on the job today, and Sketches
act was Grabbed
The Washington times., 1911-06-27

has in Hotberg. But this morning
thought had her jealous at last.
I knew my sister was coming on from
New York, but I didn't know when,
and 1t was a surprise to me when she
breezed in the store this morning. Say.
maybe I-don't look 1t, and all that, but
I've got some pretty sister.
Here's where I make Juliet think
I've got the sweetest kind OF a sweet
heart" I whispered to myself. Did
you ever hear of the word "effusfve'2
Well, that describes my greeting to
sister. held her hand for five min
utes, looked soulfully into her eyes
and all the rest of it, and 1 could see
Juliet taking it all in. Sister didn't
know what to make of It.
When sister left there was a great
to-do just as she was passing Juliet's
desk, and darn If 1t didn't turn out
that they'd met in New York. Good
by, sweetheart bunk! Oh, peecklesl
The Washington times., 1911-06-27

actly 1I64, 1 hear the voice. Be
ware it says to me. 'Beware"".
BE where?" asked the great de-
tective, "or beware?"
Beware" replied the shaking man.
That's important" commented the
great detective.
1T can't be human" continued the
shaking man, because every door and
window is locked and not a soul is in
the room except my own"
Strike at the voice with a club to-
night" said the great detective, after
moments reflection. and telegraph
me the result"
At 1l.72 that night the great de-
tective received the following tele-
gram: Have killed the mosquito"
The Washington times., 1911-06-27

us ought to be sensible enough to de-
spise and forget instantly the slight of
a woman whose judgment is regulated
by the gold standard. But we are not.
Somehow. 1t tears one of the raggedest
wounds from which heart can suf
fer. It's such bitter, bitter drinking
to find that we were loved in our
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Didn't Know the Address

Beggar-Please, mister. give a poor
man dime to get a bite to eat7
Cftizen-Nothing doing, my friend.
You know charity begins at home.
Beggar-All right, mister. Gimme your
address an I'll call there this evening
after business hours
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
With a Purnnse

Mrs. Buttin-I hate to mention It. bur
I've seen your husband kissing the cook
nearly every day
Mrs. Subbubs-Isn't 1t thoughtful of
hlmF He does it every morning and the
poor woman appreciates 1t SO much
that we've had her two weeks.
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Woman's Tonp1e

What I say to my wife goes!"
Does 1t, reaIly?"'
Yes, and in about two days it's al
over the neighborhood."
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
The Terrible Voice;
Or, a Pretty Case

Here, drink this!" said the great
detective. and after his trembling
visitor had drunk that. he ceased
trembling and began to shake.
Every night" he gasped, "at ex-
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Alarming

Fond father In giving you nv
daughter, Mr.. Willwed. pass into your
keeping the dearest thing I have on
earth.
Mr.. Willwed-How much does she cost
you year, may I ask?
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Interesting Antique

Fine old inn, sir," commented the
host. Everything in this house has its
story
Il don't doubt IT," remarked the
grouchy tourist. And is there any leg
end connected with this old piece Of
cheese?"
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Infantile Wisdom

Mrs. Nupop - George, for goodness
sake, take that knife out of babv's
mouth
Nupop-Oh. let him have II, nv dear.
Perhaps he's trying to cut a tooth,
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Chucklings Rendered
From Humor'S Fat
cOIuD HAVE, BEEN?

Aunt Mary, this is my friend, Mr..
Spiffkins.''
I'm sorry. I didn't quite catch the
name
Mr.. Spiffkins."
I'm really very dear; would you
mind repeating it?"
Mr.. Spiffkins."
I'm afraid 1 must give it up-it
sounds to me Just like 'Spiffkins.'
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Whistle These
For the Blues
ENGLISH IOKE FOR TODAy

- OIhI ON IODHI
Broken china may be mended by
brushing the edges with white lead,
such as painters use: press the pieces
together and tie them in lace, then
leave them two or three days until
thoroughly dry. The dish can be
broken as easily anywhere else as at
the old break. k.'-Transvaal Leader.
Still a break in a new place is never
quite so atisfactory.-Punch.
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Our Grocery Clerk
SAYS Kiss Brother

I thought I had the cold cashier 60
ing this morning. But only thought
I've got about as permanent a place
in Juliet's affections as SNOWFALL
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
THANKFUL FOR THAT

He (after the quarrel}-Then you re-
gret our engagement, I suPpose7
She-Oh, no; but I'm glad it is no
worse.
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
A Friendly Tip

I'm going to keep on climbing until
1 reach the top of the ladder" said the
candidate who had just been selected TO
petty office.
That's all right" rejoined the old
politician, but take my advice and
keep an eve on the men at the bottom.
They are the chaps who can upset the
ladder"
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Heard on a Boston Car

Madge-Did you enjoy that book you
bought, Kipling's Departmental Dit
ties?" T.
Mayme-No, was awful disappointed
in it. I thought 1t was about us girls
in the department stores.
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
The Bad Bow

Visiting relative-How aristocratic
your father looks, with all that gray
hair!
Naughty son-Yes, and he's got me to
thank for it, too!
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
A Diplomat

Little Willie-Say, pa, what is a dip
lomat? -.-
PA diplomat, my son, is a person
who can prove a man is a liar without
ez:-Ing him one
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Hadn't Tried Them

Mr.. Groucho-This hair grower you
sold me is a swindle. You guaranteed
that it would help me after I had tried
all others.
Druggist-wel, have you tried all
others?
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Very Happy

Mrs. Weeds (at Reno)-Was your Sec
ond marriage happy?
Mrs. Divorsay-Yes: why, it was a
case of divorce at sight.
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Could II Be So?

Jinks-Have a good time on your va
cation?
Plinks-Yes, indeed; found a place
where you didn't hear a word about
golf or yachts or automobiles or aero
planes.
Jinks-Great Scott! Where were you
in jail?
The Washington times., 1911-06-27

TOO bad the chalk talk man fell
down on his act this afternoon" said
the stage-struck youth. as he removed
his tin helmet and wiped his moist
brow.
Yep" answered the stage doorkeep .r,
It's always too bad when anybody
falls down. but in this profession there
arc more people watching you and the
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
THOSE HEADACHE POWDERS
And Why We Should
Avoid Their AHurement
BY PEGGY VAN BRAAM

wv many women during the year have fallen victims
to so-called headache powders? Did you stop
to think-ever stop to remember how almost
daily when you pick up the newspaper you see
that heading-Ts victim of headache
remedy?
Or how many times you read of little children
lying in the shadow of death because of the potions
given them by careless nurses or mothers?
The heat and the failure of the average woman
to prepare for and accept it is one of the main
causes of the headaches that lure many women
into taking any and all kinds of drugs to alleviate
the pain, but, woman-like making effort
The Washington times., 1911-06-27

the Of throbbing temples that
the lure of drugs To them the
desire to take medicines USUALLY patent ones) is al
which the never-endng campaigns of phys
clans authorities have been poweess Only the
could end to it. but they won't and
go on day after day adding to the list of victims.
They Charge Deadly Fee
to think hour
cold will do
headache than all the drugs in the world
The for a but they charge
deadly upon and body and what they
drug fend for the majority of those who
listed among and other drug began by
taking powder for little aches easily cured by simple methods
1t wise and safe rule never to take medicines unless they
physician avoid headaches by
living foods and the avoidance of strain
else
ing you all the remedies that easily be bought
such and think of that long, long list of
victims and-don'ti
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
racket is heard further.
A Little Too All Right

''Sketcho is a nice boy. all right; in
fact, a little too all right. Sometimes
;he all Fighter you get, the worse 1t is
fo- you. When he was maxim eignteen
a week. rustlin' props, he was a whole
lot better off than he is now. How
he ever got onto his graft, 1 never did
quito figure out, but he managed to
nut II over. There's a lot Of swclls.
regular artists, who went into vodsvil
from Puck and Judge and other papers
thai couldn't draw the money he did
Tt was a great asset. his knowing
how to whistle and do sleight of hand
and turn his drawing board upside down
and turn a scene of a night fire in Brook
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
Loretta's Looking Glass

X/OU are REALLY crazy. Criminals
I are pleading insanity to escape
the punishment of their acts.
But the lawyers have to work to
prove the defense. 1t needs no law
yer to demonstrate your mental alb
erration. You are your own best-or
worst-proof.
Not three years ago you met a
woman on the street-and cut her.
Oh, no! Not with a knife, for your
mania does not take that form. You
cut her by not speaking. Why? Be
cause she was poor.
Now she is rich. And the other
night you met her at a dinner. You
rushed up to her. You fawned upon
her. You remarked about the beauty
Of her gown. You praised her lovely
hair You gloated over the pendant
she wore. In short, you had a very
violent attack of your mania's fit of
money madness sweep over you.
Fulsome Flattery
Do you think she did not know why
you had cut her THEN and why you
were fawning NOW? Do you think
your effusive and fulsome flattery
soothed the wound you made years
ago? Do you wonder that she was
barely polite? Now, when che has less
need of you you fling your atten-
tons, your obsequious batteries over
her like a deceptive web. You fairly
enmesh her in the tangled wrapping.
But she does not soften to your ap-
proach. You are barred out of her life
as effectively as she can do It.
Your money mania has made you a
savage in your cruelty. 1t has made
you a parasite in your manners. 1t has
robbed you of your dignity as a woman.
It's silly for any one to care when
a MONEY MANIAC cuts. Every one of
The Washington times., 1911-06-27
NJ A ME TELLS BELLE
It's Crazy idea, But There
May Be Some Good Points
ABOUT THE FATALISTS

ID you hear of invention called the atalistic
theory, Belle? Well, I'd heard of it, but l never
knew exactly what it all about until picked
up magazine called the Literary Dyspeptia or
somepin' the other day.
The Literary Dyspeptia had an article in it BY
some professor other with his entirely
srrounded by letters, tellin' exac'ly what excuse
the fatalistic theory has for livin. It's just the
shadow of an excuse, Belle
The old fellow that took afternoon off to
invent the fatalstic theory figured it out that the
people in this bad world amt responsible for their
actions at all, but that Just as a persons about
The Washington times., 1911-06-27

maxim his mind old lady called Destiny
her notebook and marks down ndbe ink everything that's
happen that life from the he himself
elevator ride down. cordn the old lady Destiny has
treated him It's for him think for himself because
eerhng been arranged him. and he's do exacy what
old lady Desnys down for him notebook he
can't play.
II Might Have Some Uses
might things whole lot simple though, Belle
everybody bieved the fatac theory Take gein married h
When feowd feel his heart back the
he certain girl instead o putin down love
death her hand and heart
hadn't affected the he'd know
reached the old lady DesHy book,
and that nohn earth could that girl from acceptn him
Pardon me-, would be all he'd have her, "but don't
you reconze me"
If she didn't she might spring that old about his
bel familiar but that she couldn't place his face
why" he'd say "Im your aastic husband Have you
should drop around this evenn
to talk il overf
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1911-01-14
Retail Prices at
Public Markets
ON r,Kn PLACE MAnEnr

t.at roast n cents per pound Eastern
ham. ~ UautH per uHuuN hait pnfhr ~
cents per pound less rrfinn lame
.en'. fst fssna 49, ,. ..a,'l ..sf, ~
pound Eastern bacon, ef cents NFf
nauua, smoked hog iaWiH fgN crufa fff
pound. rolled roast it uents psf pound
less iamh. if cents per pound rnnna
90 cents per pound pork roast ~ 20
on cents per pound. leaf lard. 10 rrhis
rof pnund ufime rth roast 10 orHis fet
pound veal outlets - cenla per pound
home made pork sausase, 70 cents per
uuokiiugr 30 cents PEE dozen. CO reats
pee haKt baltimore UYHinfn. rs cents pnf
pint. uaods canal Hhfimus. 20 conts pc
pound hefrinH pounds DO cents TED
snapper. no cents per pauudi salmon ifpui
% 60 90 cents pee pound ieuderlolh or
soils, ia cents prf pound Eastern oysters.
De- cents par dusnn. smrlts 4 pounds Ter
30 eentai finnaa haddie, 70 cents per
pound
. es 3 70, T ss, 4.s. .. ess"G e es
81 70 poe hos. delivered Los Angeles let
ture q cents per head, celery. 3 ana DO
evuta PEE stalk cabbage. end 70 cent \
pef head hnilinK anianH. 4 pounds for 10
cents. Jonathan apples, Z dessn it cents,
oranges. 10 20 80 GENTS pee aateui pop
cora. cents pee p1uui, fap oranges. ,
cents poe dvsen. 90 csntH pef bes pfunea
cents rcr pound @ 2 pounds Tor 10
cents sriissnbsfs aerlss, eents rs,
auHaa, Yakima ilafhank spuda &c ana
81 fs sack aeiiysroti apiuRch. pounds
~ cents. Delaware hed applies, ti.tti
Nafthrfa spy. fil Waldninn. 70 cents per
boz. feliveresi bananas 10 20 20 cents
per dnteui lemons. - cents PET aeteh
aalnutn. no cents paf pound. delicious
apples 20 esnis psr dnssni fleria !
sproels 40 cents PEI pound Erren pep
pufs. 40 cents per pound.