Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-07-06
BY eouvsrn.ur Morri. in Golfers.

bullets n bayonets."
Were you In the battle Of Aiken?'
asked the major. so quietly as to make
the question ound purely perfunctory.
General Bullwigg laughed. as strong
men laugh. from the stomach, and with
a sweeping gesture Of his left hand ap-
peared to dismiss a hundred f1atterers.
Il have heard mon say" said he,
that I was the battle Of Aiken"
With an involuntary shudder, Major
Jennings hastily addressed his ball,
swung jerkily and topped it feebly
down the hill. Then, smiling a sick
ly smile. he said:
Were off"
Get a good one?" asked General
Bullwigg. Il wasn't looking"
mot a very good one." said Major
Jennings. inwardly writhing. but
straight-perfectly straight. A little on
top"
They sagged down the hill, the Major
IN q panied silence. the General des-
cr1ning. with sweeping gestures, the
positions Of the various troops Of the
battle Of Aiken.
second lieutenant in the gallant Twen-
ty-ninth; but 1t often happens that a
young man has an old head on his
shoulders. and az one after the other
- 4OH AKA
rank-bit the dust-That bail is badly
cupped. You will hardly get 1t away
with q brassy; IL I were you / should
play my niblick. Wei out. sir. A fine
recovery! On this very spot I saw a
bomb burst. The air was thick with
would v come down. I shall play
my brassy spoon, Purnell. the one with
the yellow head. I see you don't car
ry a spoon; Most invaluable club.
There are days when / can do anything
with a spoon. I used to own one, Of
which I often said tina 1t could do any
thing but talk"
Major Jennings s%huddered as IL he
were very cold; while General Bullwigg
swung his spoon and made another fine
shot. He had a perfect four for the
hrst hole. to Major Jennings imperfect
and dodering seven.
THE enemy" said General Bullwigg.
had a breastwork of pine logs ali
along this line. ] remember the gen-
eral said to me: 'Bullwigg,' he said,
TO get them u OF that timber IL like
getting rats out OF the walls OF a
house, And I said: General"
IT'S your honor" the Major inter-
rupted mildly.
But General bullwigg would not drive
q s~elf-laudatory end. And his ball was
not half through it's course before he
had begun another. The Major, COM
PEELED to listen. again fooled, and q
dull red began to mantle his whole
race. And In his peaceful and affable
rage against his companion.
The battle Of Aiken was on.
Sing. o chaste and reluctant Muse
the battle Of Aiken! Only don't sing
It! State 1t. as is the fashion Of our
glorious times. in humble and perisha-
Die prose. Fling grammar Of which
nothing is nov known to the demnf-
ton bowwows. and state how in the
beginning General Bullwigg had an ad-
vantage OF many strokes, not wasted.
over his self-effacing companion. State
how because OF the generals incessant
CHATTER the gentle and gallant major
FOOLED hot after shot; how once his
ball hid In a Jasmine bower, once be-
hind the stem OF a tree. and once in
q sort OF cavern over which the broom
straw waved. But omit not, o truthful
and ecstatic one, to mention that dull
IN the MAJORS breast until It became
furious and all-consuming like q prai-
RE fre. At this stage your narrative
becomes heroic. and 1t might be in or
der Tor you, o capable n delectable
one; to switch from humble stating to
on. State how the rage INTO which he
had fallen served to lend precision to
the majors eye, steel to his wrist,
rhythm 20 hts tempo. and Aery ambi-
tion to his gentle and retiring soul. He
is filled with memories Of daring: Of
other battles in other days. He re.
members what times he sought the
bubble reputation in the nnon's
mouth. and spiked the aforementioned
lannon's ~touch-hole into the bargain.
And he remembers tho greater wa
that he fought single-handed for q
number OF years against the demon
rum.
State. too. exquisite P~arnassian. and
keep stating. how that General Bull
wtgg did necessarily talk. prattle. lab
Der. Joke. boast. praise himself, stand
In the wrong place. and rehearve ne
noble deeds that he himself had per-
formed In b 1rst battle Of Aiken. And
state how the major answered him leas
ana less frequently, but more and more
loudly and curtly-but / see that Won
are exhausted. and, thanking you Kinds
: y : 'ha'' resume the narrative my
They came to the pond hole. which
was the twelfth: the general, stin upon
his interminable "reminiscences OF his
own military glory. stood W to drive.
and was visited by his first real disas-
ter. He swung-and he looked up. HI
ball. beaten downward into the hard
clay tree. leaped forward with q SOUND
as Of . stone breaking In two and dove
swiftly into the center OF the pond.
The major spoke never q word. FOR
round his risibles were tickled and he
wanted to laugh. Instead he concen-
trated oil his faculties upon hin hall
and made Q ane drive.
Not 20 the general with his second
attempt. Again he found water. ana