davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20
Pleasant For Shaw.

Ford MADDOX Huerfer. in his Mem.
cries and Impressions" says that on
his first coming to London Bernard
Shaw wrote a pamphlet called "Why I
Am an Anarchist" which was pub
lished at the Torch press. Some
time LATER" relates Mr.. Hueffer,
when Mr.. Shaw. having advanced a
stage further toward his intellectual
salvation, was addressing in the park
Socialist gathering on the tiresome
text. The Foolishness Of Anarchism.
the young proprietors Of the Torch
walked round and round in the out
skirts of the crowd offering copies Of
MI. SHAW carrier pamphlet for sale
and eXclaiming at the top of their
voices. why Am an Anarchist. By
the Lecturer"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20
HANDICAPPED
This is the Case With Many Aber.
deem People

Too many Aberdeen citizens are
handicapped with a bad back. The
unceasing pain causes constant mis-
cry, making work burden and stoop-
ing or lifting an impossibility. The
back aches at night, preventing re-
freshing rest and in the morning is
stiff and lame. Plasters and liniments
may give relief, but cannot reach the
cause. To eliminate the pains and
aches you must cure the kidneys.
Doan's Kidney Pills help sick kid
neys.
The following statement should con.
vince every Aberdeen reader of their
efficiency.
w. A. Wall. III N Street, Centralia.
Wash, says: "The public statement
gave in praise of Doans Kidney
Pills in 1907 still holds good Some
years ago I noticed the first symp-
toms of kidney trouble in my case.
My back ached intensely. but I did
not pay much attention to this an
noyance, thinking it would soon pass
away. l grew worse, however, and
finally had to give up. After sitting
for short time. it was all could
do to arise and in the morning | was
lame and sore. When suffering in
that way, l got box of Doan's Kid.
ney Pills. having often read of their
sood work. This remedy entirely
cured me and improved my condition
in every way. l have never missed
an opportunity to say good word for
Doan's Kidney Pills, as l feel that
they deserve all the praise l can give
them
For sale by all dealers. Price so
cents. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo.
New York, sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-Doans and
take no other. (21,
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20
BIG PIONEER CROWD
OFF TO ANNUAL PICNIC

Between sixty and seventy of the
members of the Aberdeen Pioneers as.
ISOLATION took the morning train for
their annual picnic at the Haynes
ranch up the Chehalis near Monte
sanO. They carried well-flled lunch
baskets and anticipated very en-
joyable day.
One thing that will be brought up
is a proposal to change the consti-
tuition of the association so that per-
sons who have lived in the county
the required twenty years may become
members of the association. AS it is
now persons must have resided in Alb
erdeen that length of time, thus many
who are really pioneers are excluded.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20
TELEPHONE COMPANY
TO CHARGE PENALTY

Taking its authority from the new
state public service commission the
local telephone company will inaugur-
ate a new ruling for Grays Harbor pa
irons, providing that penalty of 20
cents will be charged against all Gus
toners who do not pay their telephone
bills before the seventh day of each
month. The ruling will go into effect
August 1.
This rule is authorized by the pub
lie service commission and is aimed
to make the matter of collections
easier for the telephone company.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20
is HELD
TO SUPERIOR COURT

G. E. Jacobsen, who is charged
with embezzling $40 and a sample
case belonging to the United Tire
Cover company of Portland, had a
hearing before Judge Tucker Monday
afternoon. He was bound over to
answer to the superior court. H. f..
Wright of Portland appeared, repre-
senting the company in making the
charges. Jacobsen is out on $3.50
bail.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20
GOOD ACTIONS.

Every good act is charity. Civ
ing water to the thirsty is charity.
Removing stones and thorns from
the road is charity. E.xhorting your
fellow men to virtuous deeds il
charity. Smiling in your brothers
face is charity. Putting a wanderer
in the right path is charity. A mans
true wealth is the good he does in
this world. When he dies mortals
will ask what property has he left
behind him. but angels will inquire,
What good deeds hast thou sent
before thee?"-Mohammed.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20

green and n pair of the black satin
boots Which are the novelty Of the
season.
Still another pretty way Of trimming
these black silk suits is to border the
neck of the kimOno bodice with wide
band Of, say. pale blue foulard spotted
or striped with white and to further
finish off the tunic with groups of lit
tie gold buttons.
The bathing suit pictured here Is Of
taffeta with silk jersey over which
falls collar Of plain and striped silk
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20
CARD OF THANKS

l wish to thank the many friends
who were so good to me in my time
of trouble in the death of my broth
err, R. c. kearney; especially Mrs.
Gayler Mrs. Trebethern, Mrs. Mac
Gregor and Mrs. Salmon.
MRS. II. E. HULET.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20
Daily Time Card.
STEAMER HARBOR BELLE,
TEAMER HARBOR BELLE.
STEAMER CHAMPION
TN Effect June 10, 1919

IltaV6 ADerdeen ............... q. m
i,SoNC iiot o.fo Il. Ill
Returning, ". Westport at... 400 p. m
Round trip on Sunday either boat
from Montesano. 10 cents, all other
Mt 10
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20
IN THE REALM
OF FASHION
M0dish BATHING Suit.

Some of the very smartest bathing
suits are of black taffeta, the effective
contrast of sapphire blue or emerald
green being sometimes provided by
yoke or collar The new bullet but
tons Of oXidiZed silver or gold are also
In evidence on many decorative and
durable toilets for the sea. These to
be cl ic should be completed by Il tur-
ban headdreSS in that same blue or
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1911-07-20
Daily Time Card.
STEAMER CHAMPION

IltdNt FOT IlINt
Aberdeen, Westport, Whaling
station and North Jetty. 1900 a. m.
Hoquiam. Westport Whaling
station and North Jetty. 80 a. m.
Westport. Aberdeen and Ho-
GUAM ......... .........10:00 a. M.
Aberdeen " eStpOrt ......2:O0 p. IN.
Hoquiam. Westport .......2:3o D m.
Westport Aberdeen anl IIo-
Boat leaving Aberdeen at 90 a. n.
connects with auto line for Willapa har-
Dor.
Round trip tickets sold on weeks days.
not good on Sunday.
Every Saturday night. beginning June
deem at 700 o'clock, HoQuiam, 1880 for
Westport Tickets good to return Sun.
day or Monday morning.
PETER WILSON, Master.
Newark post., 1911-12-27
Who Wins?

There were two Irishmen in a
New York regiment who would
bet on anything. One day in front
Of Petersburg, when both sides
were quiet, Pat said, pointing to a
brick smOkehouse:
"Oi bet We a chew o tobaccy
ye cant tell what howlds thin
bricks together.
9Th mortar, o course. Gimme
tn chew
'Divil bit av it.. You lose. Th
mortar howlds thin apart. -
Newark post., 1911-12-27

Kate Douglas Wiggin tells
about New England farmer S
wife who had very decided opin-
ions on the subject of woman S
suffrage. 1t is expressed thus
"As she was hurrying from churn
to sink, from sink to shed, and
back to the kitchen stove. she was
asked if she wished to vote. NO,
| certainly do not. she exclaimed,
with a vi gorous movement OF the
churn dasher; / say if there is one
little thing that the men folks can
do alone. for goodness sake. let
'em do it. -
Newark post., 1911-12-27
They Haven Seen it Yet.

A prisoner who was in the
hands of Mosby's men was being
taunted: "Who is the greater.
Lee or Grant,
"Well," the soldier answered,
"when we consider who Lee IS,
and then who Grant is, and ask
which is the greater, we must an
swer decidedly in the affirmative. >
And the rebs were satisfied.
Newark post., 1911-12-27

produces comfort and serenity for
all about her, simply by acknowl-
edging her consciousness OF her
especial privilege and performing
with poise and pleasantness the
duties that are hers.
From such sources as these there
develops an environment that
makes for good for all who travel
near. Such atmospheres are ere.
ated by courageous, unselfish wo.
men everywhere-and. however
hard may seem the effort Of at
tanning it, great is the reward, fol
good woman s cheer goes sc
much further than she knows and
builds and crowns where she does
not dream.
Newark post., 1911-12-27

The Dutch novelist, Maarten
Martens, speaks Of a good house
wife as leaving behind her "the
agreeable sense that she had
passed" "
The few words cause a pleasant
picture to spring forth in our
minds, that of woman who main
tains that quiet cheerfulness which
Newark post., 1911-12-27

There is something heartening
in the very words: GA Happy
New Year, faith returns to flag
ging spirits and hope again waves
it's buoyant banner.
The day may mean nothing, as
days 90. but the custom prevails
to wish men well and hearts are
warmed and resolutions strength
ened that may have needed that
very bit of cheer. If we. per-
chance. assist another into attain
ing a confident attitude towards
life, we have done wonderful
thing; if one so assists us, do we
not always feel grateful9
Do we marshal forward the
highest and best in our character
to meet daily conditions, trim
cheerfully the "little lamps of
everydays then we win a day s
fight.
May the new year be for the
downcast a time for the squaring
of shoulders, the uplifting of the
head, and. also, may such become
the maintained habit of the
soul"
Newark post., 1911-12-27
THE MESSAGE OF A FEW WORDS

oh, toing hands of moas! Oh, unwearied feet travelling
know whittier! Little do besedness;
for travel hopefully better thing than
is labor
Newark post., 1911-12-27
Serials and Other Stories.

The 81 issues of 1912 will contain
the equivalent of 80 volumes OF the
best reading, including nearly 800
Stories, Articles by Famous Writers,
Athletics for Boys, Chats with Girls,
the Doctors Weekly Counsel. etc.
Send for Announcement .fo,. 1912 and Sample
Copies Of The Y0nth'S Companion, Free.
Newark post., 1911-12-27

for 1912 for only $1.75; also all the
issues for the remaining weeks OF l9ll,
Free. It is your last chance 10 get
the paper at this price. On January
/. 1912. it will be advanced to S1.oo.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

werth doing its werth doing rite. witch
Is in my riteing book.
Aftir supper Mr.. TomlIins calm to see
Sue, ana Sue took 8 Of the roses and
pinned them avn her chest befoar she
I went into the parler to say Good eev-
ming. Mr.. Tomkins, witch she always
ses. weather its a good eevning or not.
Tomkins is Seeryus
Farthir, sed ma, I think Mr.. Tom
kins looked pritty seeryus tonite- Do
you think he will you no wat. she sed.
don't no. / was pritty seeryus for
a yeer befoar I you no wat. sed pop.
Yes, sed ma, you were pritty slo.
Watts you no wat, I sed-
May be they wood of ansered, ony
thare was an orful sneazing Jest then
in the parler, and Mr.. Tomkfns calm
out in the hall ware he Good sneeze awi
he wantid to and still be polite about
1t.
Sue sneazed a cupple Of times in the
parler. but not mulch, 1t beeing very
hard to make Sue sneaze. I thawt
had better go about that time, and I
am riteing this in Maudie Evins house,
SO don't no weather Mr.. Tomkins you
no wat or not.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05

most luxuriant crop of whiskers on his
chin 1 ever saw OF weeping willow,
and. though he wouldn't part with that
alfalfa for a million, he's so sensitive
about 1t that If he thinks anybodys
making fun Of his whiskers he's liable
to commit murder. Even look at them
too close. and hell go up in the air.
Well, the errand boy started of this
morning with his orders muddled, a.
usual. He had basket Of spuds and q
few other things for old man O'Brien,
but did he leave them7 He did not.
He left three baskets of spinach! The
old man was combing out his whiskers
In one of the upstairs windows, and
saw what the kid was Juggling in. Be-
lieve me. 1t was o scared errand boy
that beat It back and told us that the
old man was through with US forever.
The boss Is around there now *.
planning. .v
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05

His hair just matches our new draw
ing room furniture
Jaw, go onr' said her brother. It'll
take me at least two years to learn to
roll cigarettes the way he rolls EN-"
But the beautiful heiress was ada
mant.
NO" she said mo, non, nein." She
spoke three languages.
"why7" asked her mother. at is be-
cause he hasn't asked you?"
why" asked her brother rs il sim
ply because the mans Ct years your
senior2'
Its because" explained the beauti-
full heiress, "he had heart failure when
] accepted him. Fen now his body lies
behind the couch, very, very dead, /
am sorry TO say"
The beautiful heiress famed herself.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
A Bubbling Bunch
of Witticisms
ENGLISH Joke FOR TODAY

Some Californian doctors have cut out
apiece Of a woman's skull to cure her
of criminal instincts, while an eminent
London physician urges the removal Of
tonsils as a preventive Of rheumatism.
By the time the medical profession gets
through, we imagine the perfect man
will look very like a scar-faced hole
in the atmosphere The Pink I'm.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
THE DOORKEEPER

'"There'Il be great doin's around this
dump tomorrow night. The annual
benefit for the ticket sellers will take
place as per schciule, and all the good
people who have been snapped at by
the men in the glass cage will come
through with 50 per each" And the
stage doorkeeper sighed as he thought
It all over.
What Would You Call 1t?
What would you call it. kid?'' he
asked the stage-struck youth. graft
or perquisites? l never could quite
find out why the ticket sellers should
come in for a benefit any more than
ticket spectators. And most all Of
them I've ever seen don't need a bene-
ut any more than the manager. Most
OF them own their own homes built
out of small change left on the counter
of the ticket booth.
Far be IL from me to say that there
Is such a thing as a dishonest ticket
seller, but did you ever watch their
mode of procedure?
How many? he asks.
"'One,' says you.
"Dollar fifty says he.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05

When Mr.. Tomkins. witch is my sis
ter Sues fello, sends her fiowirs, she
ackts nike she owned the phase, wawk-
ing Ground as II she was boss and
awl. He sent her sum howirs yester-
dey, and It maid you sick the way she
karried avn. You mite think they was
gold.
Give me q rose, Sue, sed. wanted
to give 1t to Maudie Evins, but dident
tell Sue wat 1 wantid it for. 1 just
sed, Give me a rose, Sue.
Well ! shood say not, sed Sue. You
can smell them II you want to. she
sed.
Spurned
don't want to smell yure old roses,
I sed. They amt eny bettir than eny
othir roses, and I woodent take one
for a gift, sed.
I was Getting sandwich in the din
ing room befoar suppir and Sues flow
irs was on the dining room tabil, ware
she had put them TO make evryboddy
jellus, CESS. I was putting pepper
on my sandwich and I CESS the flow
irs must of bin neer the pepper. bekaus
sum of the pepper went on the fiowirs.
so 1 put moar on. bekaus II things
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05

And then you plank down a ten dol
lar bill He runs the tickets through
his hands and picks out one with a
speCk on it and slips II in an entirely
unnecessary envelope and losses II to
you. Then he hands you a half dollar.
a minute later he hands over three one
dollar bills, and II you wait a little
longer he'll come through with the five
spot, but in lots OF cases you'll be in
a hurry and you'll pick up what green
money is in sight, about three dollars,
and beat 1t.
We're Used to 1t
We're used to this benefit thing now,
like the tariff and transportation diff
culties, so l suppose 1t will go on for
ever. People buyin' tickets this week
are gettiR smiles that they never got
before, and that's somethin'. But II I
was the manager I'd take the job of
sellin' tickets for the benefit PERFORM
Rnce and let the regular men rest up
TO enjoy their benefit. If he worked
right hard and stood in with the ticket
taker he might break even. He might,
In fact, learn to make three tickets
stick together where only two stuck
before"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05

home So after I'd read that the Monaires Club gon
play the Young Croeuses yesterday afternoon told Bill could
get off to it if he could.
Bill Jumps at the Chance
Al right Bill Il millionaire break leg
1t must be sight Even If on'y prains it'll be
somepn."
So went, Belle miles the country to a big
field with a double line o automobiles all it.
II "a made mistake, Bill" says. q" guess they play
with instead O ponies
seemed everybody but Bill and Belle had machine.
II made feel quite original We little fellow
wavn his around and seen to know all the players by
camped within hearin' distance of him.
Do you know how they play polo BELIEF There's little wooden
ball. and whole crowd
the field until mad hits the
fny rolls behind the protection
knows the amt allowed follow hit when
.
the players tangled in the air above his head and
landed the ball excin but dang position
That's Harold Vandersomepin' other the little fellow
with the Hes worth four million"
He couldn't "a done lit better if he'd been worth billion"
Bill
And that's the Belle Net
million according cap,
though left before
worth fifty million rolled in the mud
didn't have his
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
sHE HOLDS IT UP TO THE
Woman Who Is Baby Mad

motherhood" to give countenance to
her self-indulgence.
It Is self-indulgence. These baby
manlaos are simply rtoting in doing
what they like BEST to do. It's the
maternal spirit running CRAZY. You
love 1t! You delight to think that
mot lone moment of your time, not
one instant Of your thought went to
anything but your baby" You read
and theorize. you stew and fret, you
make your husband yield you to HIS
child-you seem to forget that he has
right in 1t and that you acquired
yours through hlm!-you go BABY
MAD.
And the baby suffers! He gets an
ingrowing temper because you indulge
it. He acquires a domineering habit
that Is made out Of the multiplied
instances Of your indulgence. He be-
comes representative, nervous lit
tie bother! And you make him that!
A Human. Nuisance
Why can you not learn from the
omen who HAVE BEEN instead of
shedding the wisdom of the ages and
purposely acquiring the modern ideas
with none of the background of ex-
perience to give them proportion and
value? The Indian woman puts her
baby in the SUM- She dabs a bit of
tar on each little forefinger and she
gives him tiny feather And that
ends It. He amuses himself. Give
yours q chance. Let your husband
see that he has not been a partner
in the creation Of human nuisance
And stop clarifying In you fatigue,
your wasted, wistful wornout look Of
ny
an first. then wife, and II the COM
binatiop does not make you a good
mother there is something Inherently
wrong with you.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
Loretta's Looking Glass
,STTE Is Jealous of his own baby!
Think of it, The fiend!'

GLE IS Jealous of his own baby!
II Think Of It! The fiend!"
Do you realize that 1t is
YOUR husband who is being called
that manner You ought to jump up and
fight! With all those amply able
weapons nature gave you, you should
say and look your resentment Of the
But you do not. You invert the sense
of the words and annex the implied
compliment-that you are a devoted
mother.
But you are wrong. You are a baby
maniac. With lack of sense an utter
failure to appreciate that you owed
your husband a duty before you had a
baby, and that that duty is neither
lessened nor changed, now that you
are mother, you recast your whole
life according to a baby schedule. You
wear yourself out with, a. hundred I'M
necessary acts of what you call devo-
ton to the child; and then you are
pouty and abused when he resents hav-
Ing q human FRAGILE. a kind of tag
end excuse for a wife.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
Bound to a Sniveler

II he protests that yoN need not
wear yourself out with the baby, you
fall back on that irritating idiotic
statement; and you half SWIVEL as you
make it-ugh! the awfulness of being
bound to a sniveler!-that a man does
not know ANYTHING about a baby.
He has a rather sane notion that a
baby is not little beast that has to
be spoiled by oyerattention. He has a
pretty accurate idea of the principle
that humanity is not incumbered with
one duty that takes all OF its time so
that all others go undone.
He watches his home turned into
an institution for THE BABY. He sees
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
KNEW WHEN TO SHUT,UP

why do they say AS smart as a
steel trapr" asked the talkative
boarder. ct never could see anything
particularly intellectual about a steel
trap"
"a steel trap is called smart" ex-
planned the elderly person In his sweet
est voice, because IT knows exactly
the right time to shut up
More might have been said, but IN
the circumstances 1t would have seemed
uniting
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
Took the Medal

They were talking of bravery.
81 erawled up the hill Of San Juan
with a broken coliarkbonean6a bullet
In my Leg" said the first man.
ct carried a message across Death
Valley and was without water sSor five
days" said the second man.
And braved 500 policemen, twenty
ushers, six screaming bridesmaids and
a raving father, and set up my fash
light apparatus in a fashionable
church," said the pallid photographer.
And without further question they
handed him the medal.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
Wrong House

Say, boss; I worked off some Of that
cold storage butter today" said the
new clerk, with the air Of one who ex-
pected compliment.
Indeed! Well, that's good! Who
drew the prize?" said the pleased gro
Ger, for it was getting to be difncult
thing to do.
why, I sent It to. Mrs. Hash
around on Broad street.
..'Oh, laundering gunsr' exclaimed the
grocer, his tone changed and his face
drawn in a quicker. why, you blamed
idiot, I board at that woman's house,"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05

THE BABY become the bugbear OF the
household. He watches his wifes
LATEST FAD. And he recognizes that
she not only follows 1t with the des-
perate enthusiasm which women are
prone to expend upon their last inter-
est, but she has the excuse, OF serving
the future, the blanket OF Devoted
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
II Might Have Shrunk

Miss Black-Mr. Gumly is SO chivsl-
rous!
Mr.. White-Did he save your lief
Miss Black-No; but when that shower
came on yesterday he rushed for an
umbrella and saved me from getting
my bathing suit wet. -.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
Edwards Deduction

Edward, you must eat the crusts OF
your bread"
..Did YOU eat crusts when you were
a little boy?",
why, certainly did"
"And is that why you are q crusty
old bachelor now, uncle?'
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
Cuddle Closer, Dolly

Dolly-The motorboat is superior to
the canoe. even If we do have to carry
a chaperon.
Dick-I should say so. The "chug-
chug'' makes such a racket she couldn't
hear a smack to save herself.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-07-05
Oh, So Heartless;
Or, B-r-r, Cold!

The beautiful heiress famed herself.
NO" she said firmly. Il will not
marry the prince"
please do, Mabel" urged her mother.