davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

struggle, to bite large hunks out of the
arms Or cheeks Of said sergeant OF the
guard and fight and kick and gouge and
punch until eight or ten members OF the
guard would pin him to the ground and
buck and gag him and carry him, still
curr-rr-ss-ing horribly, to the waiting
dungeon below. 1t brings the blush OF
shame to my cheek right now to recall
that on such occasions Il had a sort OF
sneaky, depraved, subconscious pride in
the doings of this Clarence plug. He was
making good for us. / sort o thought.
He was taking some of the ignobleness
the calumny and crowding the same down
the throat Of the general world.
***
Nor should 1 forget to mention a Clar-
ence In the navy, q bosun's mate, who
was of SO fiendish, so pizenous spirit
that when a typhoon would be raging and
the sea, after being blown fiat and boiling
and bubbling like huge caldron. would
rise into mountainous waves, and the
lightning would be splitting and the thun-
der barking like huge-mouthed artillery
it was at times like these when Clarence
the bo'sun's mate would throw back his
name of hair and glare straight at the
terrifying sky and laugh, laugh, laugh
III! ia. ma. ana nOWl WITH q SOrt OF
Luciferian glee, and foam at the mouth
with delight at the rr-rr-raging Of the
elements, and mutter strange bowling in
carnations, and enjoy himself just some
thing frightful to witness. I used to
think that it was beautiful that his name
was Clarence. 1t helped q lot. 1t aided
enormously. He went through the world
and up and down the amehtystine seas
making the name Of Clarence q byword
of reproach. That, I thought in my sense
of humiliation, was better than making it
a symbol for the perpetual use Of comic
supplementists.
In fact, taking 'em by and large, nearly
all of the Clarences 1 ever knew were,
plainly speaking, a queer lot. I suppose
there wasn't a one of them who would
have known the difference between a
piece of tatting and bushel of coke. A
great many of them spoke grufiiy out of
the southwestern corner Of their mouths,
and a great many of them ate tobacco.
All of them. think can say in all truth
fulness, were wonderful consumers of
fiery fluids. and no less than nine of them
went to the gallows. I was at the gal.
lowsing of two Of these Clarences. How
it did cause me to thrill with pride and
hope to note that both of EN- waited fos
the final big minute with nary a tremor-
ba-ad to the last, and never a whimpey
out Of them!
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

Bill was concealed and asleep, he yelled:
bill! Hey, Bill! Poke yo' head outsR
them kfvers.'
Bill did as he was hidden and the "gefeL
tleman farmer handed over the hfe
dollars and drove away without wor1r
Reciprocity. #
u ECIPROCITY, and the proposed CA
N madam treaty. has done more thAl
cause an extra session Of Congress to he
called. It has lowered the price of bpt-
ter and eggs, or SO believes one residepr
of the National Capital This is the wRy
Of 1t, as told by the western represeAt4r
tive to whom it happened. a.
IT was at a dinner" he said, "apd p
few minutes after we sat down q 1a13
asked me IL I was a republican. ! told
her 1 was.
TIN so glad. I am. too. Do you
know. I think President Taft Is the fin-
est man. That reciprocity proclamation
of his has done ever so much good in
lowering prices -
Just at this point the representative a.
mits that he took the easiest path, aid
eluded the topic which would have Nd
to argument. And 1t might further pc
added here that that same represent
i've - Dy 10 Ingalls, tliiit0 WLch ~ WHIPS
to getting into an argument. as seve&ai
times upon the House floor he has made
the welkin ring with his eloauence &C.
garding matters reciprocal, military and
whatnot. But, as he himself admitted.
this once he steered away from the el-|
Turing premise held out to him 4
YES" continued the lady, last H4H
I had to pay 20 cents a dozen for $s,|
while butter was the same price ~
I am getting perfectly good eggs x$3q
cents. That shows what the pr6s =
ton has done for the country" E#A
Again Il 10 wise to insert here AE 4he|
::ntIsm.n's good intentions ,,.,,.; slIs 3I
happened to be the time of the yearI
when the industrious little hen takes
supply Of strictly fresh" egk&1Y a3usTj
Nonsense" was the emphatit retort
THAT has nothing to do with II at al
1t il due solely to that proclamati01ts
President Taft's." 9.t7,v sft "a
And the erstwhile eloquent .Eepresenta7
tive from the west was route6, and 80
force held his peace. also his pngua -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

ton by officials of the Pan-American
Union, generally known as the Bureau OF
American Republics at Washington. The
idea is to have a vessel fitted up with ex-
hibit booths, showing various industries
of the American people, and to have THIS
vessel visit all of the large Sout., Amer
lean ports; the first trip to take in ports
on the Caribbean sea, the second to call
at ports farther down the Atlantic coast
and the third to visit ports on the Pacific
coast.
The plan contemplates the chartering of
a N,OOO-ton vessel to start from New
York on a thirty-day cruise during the
winter season, the itinerary to include
Puerto Plata, in Haiti; San Juan and
Ponce, Porto Rico, and then to branch off
from the Island of Porto Rico and take
in Puerto Cabello and La Guaira, in Ven
ezuela. From this port it is planned to
continue on to Puerto Colombo and Car
tagena, in Colombia, and from there to
Colon, at Panama. From Colon the trip
will continue to Lmon, Costa Rica; then
up to Kingston, Jamaica, to Port au
Prince; then over to Santiago, in Cuba,
winding up at Havana, Cuba, and from
there back home to New York The vari-
Gus decks of the vessel will be fitted with
booths for the display of American man.
ufactured goods. Excursion tickets will
be sold to manufacturers all over the
country who may elect to take part in
this trade excursion, the tickets to be
sold at less rate than is required under
the present touring arrangement.
One of the features of the proposed plan
is the sending of an advance agent
through all of the places on the itinerary,
whose duty it will be to invite all the
South American merchants and their fam
lies within access of the various ports
to visit the vessel.
The Americans who take part will be
given time to thoroughly visit the Latin
American cities. A concert band will be
carried to furnish music aboard and give
concerts i'm the various cities visited.
Moving picture machines also may be
used to entertain the invited guests and
at the same time show the manufacturing
industries of this country. On this trip
the ship will stop at nine different coun-
tries, and those who take part will have
participated in the hospitality Of nine
different nations.
This is the plan outlined by officials OF
the Pan-American Union. The officials OF
the bureau say that something of this
kind should be done, but at the same time
the bureau does not want to stand spon-
sor for the whole thing. The suggestion
is made that manufacturers and the vari-
Gus business associations in the United
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
Cullen Writes of the Name "Clarence"


then was built over the water, on piles.
and every dance hall had trapdoors in it,
through which victims, after they had
been frisked by habitues. could be neatly
the Columbia river by the mere act of
having a button touched by the foot of
the barkeep or bouncer or anybody else
belonging to the frisking gang. This
bouncer Clarence had murdered, sup
pose. so many men that really he had
quite lost track of the number. I hate
to say It, really; but somehow I never
could have 1t in my heart, in the days
when I used to come into contact with
Clarence, the bouncer of the Buzzard
honkatonk of Astoria. to feel unkindly or
even disapprovingly toward him.
Somehow I always felt, looking at him
nd considering that name of his, that
g sort o. justified the name. proved that
wasn't milk-and-watery or namby-
,ambyish; showed by his hidjus deeds
lat Clarence could be, despite his
anne, ba-ad and wicked, and therefore OF
he full stature of a regular Teller. 1 was
.orry when one night Portuguese fish,
arman from II Waco, over the water
ence the bouncer and deposited a nice,
:ong. sharp sheathknife smack-dab be-
tween Clarence's ribs and left it there so
deeply and effectively that Clarence
merely raised his eyes for the mereSt
fraction of an instant before he cashed In
and gave way to another boupcer who
wasn't named Clarence and who there
fore didn't I'LL the dead mans job half 80
satisfactorily.
Positively the measliest, desperatest
desperate that ever knew In the Ameri-
can army was fellow by the name of
Clarence He spent nearly all Of his time
in the guardhouse, and in the guardhouse
dungeon at that; and when he was sent
out with ball and chain for exercise i,
was his custom to wait for his sentry tc
fall into brown study over pay day o.
something like that, and then this ClaF
ence bad 'un would stoop and pick VI
the ball attached to his chain and heavt
it at the sentry with all Of his might ant
main. aiming for the bean or dome Of tn,
demonstrating sentry and he rarely
made a miss, either. Oh, he was a par
lous cruel fellow. was this Clarence. and
1t was nothing at all for him to wrench
q gun out Of the hands Of the sergeant
Of the guard when the prisoners wer'
paraded with the guard in front of tn
guardhouse, and then, in the ensuing
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

PLAN % m bining
business with pleas
ure. that will in the
end rebound to the
prestige of t h e
American pc o pie.
and at the same
time greatly in
crease trade rela-
tons with all Of
the South Ameri-
can republics, is in
process Of forma-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

rowing word, "Ca-ash!" Meaning, you
understand, of course, that Clarence ought
to be what is commonly OF vernacularly
known as a countef-jumper, or a sales
calls for a cash-boy or cash-gfri Now,
I have taken great pains to inquire into
this phase Of the matter. too. l have
looked over the roster OF employees OF
many cities. And never have I found
the name Of a Clarence set down as a
seller of ribbons. Not that that would
be any disgrace: ! think man, whetner
his name be Clarence or Bill, has as
much right to sell ribbons or even hair
nets as man by the name OF Jim or
Mike has to boss bunch or street
cleaners: but my aim was to puncture q
fiction; and can honestly say that, SO
far as I went in the investigation, and I
went pretty far. I did at least help to
puncture 1t.
The trouble with the name Of Clarence
and the world loves that funny stun.
When I was q small boy had one of the
finest little nicknames that q boy ever
enjoyed or reveled in. ..p.,, was called
It saved me from the Clarence thing; for
even in my tykehood I had the same in
durate, deep-down. vitriolic hatred Tor
the name of Clarence that have at this
years began to pyramid. they dropped
that Butch" name and began to call me
by the regular front name. Twas then
that my sufferfngs began.
**
Not long ago met in New York a fell
low whom had known out in the west
ern country, when was Butch" He
dug me up, and we foregathered. We
were sitting in an alcove OF some place
or other. tanning over the old things,
when, quite naturally. and Is H the
thirty years that interviewed had sudden
Iy rolled backward, why, this fellow call
ed me Butch
I bought for the remainder Of the night.
His coin was thenceforth counterfeit I
fell into a lather of admiration and graft.
tude for and toward him. showed him
everything to be seen. and theu showed
him some moro. He didn't understand
it. didn't tell him. But felt that any
Teller who had the decency to call me
Butch" after the long years that had
parted mo from that lovely appellation.
deserved all I could gather or borrow;
and so things broke his way Tor that
night, anyhow.
It isn't all In the name. L know q lot
OF fellows named Charlemagne. None Of
them 10 above five feet two. All the
chaps named Eric that knew look like
salt water lynxes. I wish the world
would believe that a mans q man for
a. that, even IL he's q Clarence. But Il
won't. 90 what's the use!
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

stories. the front rooms frequently serv-
ing as shops stores, ''tulperiaS' for
the sale of fruits, vegetables, beer, wine,
etc, the rear rooms and second stories
being the living rooms of the family.
X
This is the principal port of northern
Venezuela, and the port of ingress and
egress for the capital. Caracas, the Paris
Of South America with which 1t is con-
nected with a wonderfully scenic and
picturesque railway. 1t has large for
eign trade, with an average of twenty
ships engaged in International commerce
making it port Of call monthly, while
there are many coastwise sailing craft
which make their home quarters here. 1t
is a dull day indeed in La Guaira that
finds less than fifteen or twenty small
sIoons and schooners loading and I'M
loading cargo from the coast towns or the
adjacent islands.
sTCarta de Indias," as Cartagena was
termed by the ancient governments, on
the north coast of the republic of CO.
lomtia. has more Of the tragic and melo-
dramatic in her history perhaps than any
other city on the western continent. The
stage settings about which the many
events took place are to be seen yet, ar
ranged exactly as they were at the time
of the various tragedies and dramas which
occurred in the earlier periods of its ex-
istence.
older than any city in America and the
new world except Santo Domingo and
Mexico, and founded by virtue of royal
decree which declared it q Very Royal
and Loyal CITY," it has retained more
of its early characteristics perhaps than
all the others. The medieval flavor sur
rounds it. It's antiquity is everywhere in
evidence and the air of romance hangs
over it. One feels it, sees it, hears 1t at
every step within its old walls.
The inQuisition sat here from 1910 to
1921. and among the many interesting
structures of the city is the house, now
occupied as private dwelling, where this
famous judicial body once held its court
There are any number of wonderful old
churches, in all styles of architecture and
in all conditions of repair or ruin, now
being occupied for all manner OF uses.
Many Of them date from the sixteenth
century, but the greater number were
erected in the seventeenth.
The floating dock and shipbuilding pier
at Puerto Cabello, Venezuela, are ade-
quately equipped for the repair OF steam
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

too much so, in fact: it is too musical.
mellifluous, not to say pretty: and per-
haps that is the reason that it has been
made SO continuous performance and per-
vasive joke.
1t had good start in life, did the name
of Clarence, and good origin. 1t means
"husbandman," a huSbandman, you know,
being a farmer; and surely there's noth.
ing especially pretty or cute or cunnin'
or anything of that sort about horny
handed tiller Of the soil.
The curious Appropriateness OF the
name of Clarence, in its imposition upon
the human beings upon whom generally
1t is imposed, is a thing that always
unrest, If not positive rebellion.
l have been keeping statistics. and tab
ulating the same, upon this matter FOR
nearly twenty years Therefore l feel
as If 1 can, upon this subject IL none
other, speak authoritatively.
1t might naturally be suppoSed-I don't
know why, but it certainly is supposed
that the bearer of the name OF Clarence
is, or should be. a shrimpish. shriveled,
weak and wabbly. all in bunch, phys
ically insignificant and inconsequent sort
of a son OF 'scouse cook, to put 1t
strongly, hathaway, from the stress Of
personal feeling. When you hear that
sO-and-so Is named Clarence, you conjure
up-that is, the world in general conjures
up--a picture of sort OF human Bnat
or woodtick, possessed of a pretty spit
lock and biceps about the size of an
early cucumber at its smallest diameter,
and weak, watery eyes; who perhaps has
learned to do tatting and Honiton lace
work with his sisters while growing up:
who is as fearful of slight draft as a
Kansas hired man is OF cyclone: who
wears strong eyeglasses; who liSps, may
hap, and who. generally speaking. Is a
sort of q distant echo OF a vague whisper
Of q remote symbol Of human being.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

Franklin Adams, one of the officials Of
the Pan-American Union, outlined some
of the benefits to be derived from an eX-
cursion of this kind, and also made sew
eral suggestions in connection with the
trip. He said there should be booths rep
resenting as many kinds OF American in
dustries as possible In addition to this
the amusement side of the cruise should
be given consideration He suggested
that it would be a good thing to have
some of the larger concerns of the United
States put in exhibits of the most inter-
eSting kind.
A feature mentioned as likely to pro-
duce a favorable impression on the citi-
ZenS of South America Is to have a news
paper published on board ship every day,
this paper to cover all matters of local
interest on board the vessel, and Items of
interest at the various points visited. The
such as compositors setting type, the
operation Of the linotype machines and
how it is run of the press, so that all
those visiting at the various ports could
see how the work is actually done in the
United States. Thousands of copies of
this paper could be distributed at the
various ports, and thereby create a last
Ing impression of what Americans are do
ing. When the vessel reaches a port
where the natives speak any one Of two
Spanish or English-the paper could be
printed in the language Of that port.
X (:
1t is planned to have electric display
signs placed all over the ship. so that at
night the ship could be lighted up in the
harbor. and everybody within miles
around would know there was something
going on. The ship would be one mass
Of lisht in a pitch-black harbor. These
electric display signs could be used in
various ways. The ship might also carry
several aeroplanes fitted with hydroplanes
and exhibitions could be given at the
different cities. Lecturers who are thor
Oughly acquainted with South America
could explain to the passengers the many
interesting points of the cities visited.
The Caribbean cruise suggested for 1912
may start about January, which is con-
sidered the best season Of the year for
visiting South America This may be
followed the next year by another cruise,
to take in the Atlantic coast of South
America, and the year after that by still
another, covering the west coast, so as
to finally cover all portions of Central
and South America In fact, 1t is said
that any one of the cruises might be
made within thirty days, and il the first
cruise should turn out to be practicable,
more than one cruise might be made in
one year. AS it stands now the plan con-
templates a cruise for 1912. Then il re-
suits are commensurate with the expense,
Of which there Is little question, the next
cruise could be undertaken the following
year, in 1913, on a much larger scale
and a much more extended itinerary.
1t is understood that at least two large
vessels are built each year on the Atlantic
coast for the Alaskan trade These ves-
sells after they are completed are usually
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

But, all the same, the name Of Clar-
ence always will, I presume, cause the
funnyists of the earth, when they hear
shrill treble and to squeak out that har-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

always was glad that they were. They
seemed to help out and clarity the Clar-
ence situation, to swab up the Clarence
ign0miny. l knew a Clarence who was
the bOuncer in positively the worst honk-
atonk that ever I set foot in in all my life
of the railroad to Astoria. This honka-
tonk-needless to say. a honkatOnk In
western parlance is dance hall-was
one Of those plants where somebody or
other would disappear OF the map Of the
world every night. The town Of Astoria
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
HAVANA fkoM GUBANAS, GUBA

States should get together, and If the
plan receives sufficient Endorsement by
the people of the country the Pan-Amer-
lean Union will do all in it's power to
facilitate the enterprise. 1t Is claimed
that today many vessels are making the
trip outlined with empty holds and that
this space could and should be utilized
for the benefits of the American people,
but that at the present time it is dead
waste.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26


for the first boy in the house
IL hold of friend of mine. This
~ friend of mine is human
being. Therefore he named
his son John. Just John. Nothing in
Tie middle or front, but merely John.
The mother of John didn't appear to
like it very much. No doubt she had
other views as to what her first son
should be called. Perhaps she wanted
in her heart that he be named Alcwyn,
or EtheIbert, or Percival, or Egbert, or
Reginald, or Archibald.
Perhaps-worst of all---it may have
been i'll the back of her mind before
her husband took his stand for the
name of John, to name her first-born
Clarence.
IL that had been her intention, and
she had got away with it, ! would not
have stood godfather for that boy. I
wouldn't be sponsor for an infant upon
whom such a cognomen as Clarence
could, should or would be imposed by
his parents. If l did, should feel,
that j was a participant in an outrage
destined TO embitter the life of help
less little being.
For il takes q grown-up person by
the name of Clarence to understand
what calamity the name of Clarence
is. The name of Clarence is a lifelong
tragedy. The careless. callous world.
! know. views the name of Clarence as
"A comedy, perennial, never-ending
comedy, in which the bearer of the
title role must smile and look pleas
ant. even while he suffers under the
keenest sense of ignOminy. For Clar-
ence, believe me, is, anaiyze ii as you
will, name that expresses q grisly
joke; therefore tbs an ignoble. a sim
lister name; a name for a swineherd. a
varlet, name that makes one think
of crumb fallen from the table OF
life: a-er-Oh, well, anybody by the
name of Clarence will Understand
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

Nothing like it. folks. according to the
statistics that 1 have kept. Physically
speaking, l mean. l may be held guilty
of trying to sneak in a bit Of special plead
ing in this matter. Maybe 1 am. But,
anyhow, l feel bound to state the plain
figures that 1 have been setting down
with reference to the name Of Clarence
all during the long. long years.
OF 9S3 Ciarences that I have actually
met up with and known during all of the
aforesaid long years. there were very
few among them who did not weigh
pretty close to 200 pounds. One OF the
first Clarences l remember was Clarence
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

/ never have been able to find out just
why, how or when the name Of Clarence
first became a symbol for the ha-ha.
Taken BY itself, and apart from the fool
ishness. l should say the imbecility. as
sociated with it, tits no such a bad name:
It comes from the lips rather trippingly;
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

GENTLY I acted as godfather
for the first boy in the house
hold of d friend of mine. This
friend of mine is a human
being. Therefore he named
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
NnecdOfe6 Concern
Wen-knoWn PEOPLE.

Bill was concealed and asleep, he yelled:
''BilI! Hey, Bill! Poke yo' head outsR
them kivers."
Bill did as he was hidden and the gem
tleman farmer handed over tho dse
dollars and drove away without q wol3r
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

On November %, 1891, Panama declared
her independence of Spain. and, owing
to the fact that the Spanish military gov
ernor, Don Jose de Fabrega, was in SYM
pathy with the revolutionary movement,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

Copyright, 1911, by William L. Altdorfer,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

such its history is largely interviewer
with the history of this viceroyalty.