The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1911-10-04
evening. I believe the pail and the
brush are down there"
Screams From. the Cellar.


Screams From. the Cellar.
Mrs. Bowser had accomplished part
of the conspiracy she had entered into
with the cook. She had got Mr.. Bow
ser to go down cellar of his own ac-
cord. He got a match and went down
and lighted the gas and went looking
around for the whitewash outfit. He
was heard to whistle few bars of
popular air. He was heard to hum.
He was heard moving about, then a
long. wild bloodcurdling scream-such
q scream as a woman utters when she
is thrown over a precipice 5000 feet
high because she will not marry the
leading man in the Boston Ideal Com
edy company.
A rush and a fall on the cellar stairs
another yell.
Then Mr.. Bowser, with face as white
as the dead and his eyes rolling.
sWill you tel. me what on earth is
the matter?" asked Mrs. Bowser as
she came forward.
"I-I saw something down there!
Some-something ran over my foot!'
! he gasped.
ooh, something did, eh? Well, you've
been told there are rats about"
"Of course there are rats" added the
cook.
Would Not "own Up."
Mr.. Bowser had taken a decided
stand on the rat question. He had pos
itively denied that there were rats
about. He must now own up or bluff
it through. Mr. Bowser is man who
has never "owned up' over three times
in his life and was then sorry for it
within FIVE minutes. He had got bad
scare, but he got hold Of his nerve and
turned on Mrs. Bowser to shout:
'sRats! IDIOTS! Lunatics! What 1
saw down there was some stray cat.
She took me by surprise and ratified
me for q moment. Kitty, kitty, come
up here. She won't come, but she's
down there" .
'But if it should be rats?" queried
Mrs. Bowser.
.If it should be Satan himself, why
don't you ask? You are just like all
other women. When you get fool
idea into your head nothing can drive
it.out say it's cat"
''Then you ought to do down and
shoe her up. We can't have a strange
cat down cellar"
'T'll have her out in five minutes.
That is. we will leave the door open
and she WI come up and take
skip"
ssBut if there are rats they will come
up"
'sWoman. haven't I said there wasn't
an internal rat within four miles Of
the house?" whooped Mr.. Bowser.
eyes, butt
Finds Big coekroaehes.
He turned about and went down GEL
lar. It was the only thing he could do.
He must hunt the cat or let the rats
hunShim. The gas was still burning.
and he armed himself with, the fur
mace poker and went scufding around
and calling out "Kitty'' and 'Shoo
there!'
Nothing developed for five minutes.
Then four big rats made a dash for
him from behind a barrel. He struck
at the nearest and fell down and rolled
over, and there was another wild yell
and a scramble up the stairs. The four
rats followed and whisked out Of the
kitchen into the back yard before
either of the women could open her
mouth to scream.
Didn't I tell you there We're rats
herew asked Mrs. Bowser.
"You did, but where are they?" was
replied. I saw three cockroaches sour
rying out, but where were the rats?
told you there were none"
'''But Why did you yell and rush
then?"
"To hump 'em along and give them
the scare of their lives, Of course.
Now. then. let's hear no more Of the
rat matter. I don't propose to have
this house turned into an idiot asylum
because four cockroaches happened to
drop in on us for peaceful call"
Not on Her Side.
A little boy who was very much
puzzled over the theory Of evolution