davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening world., 1911-12-12
r LETTERS FILLED WITH
TALK ABOUT KISSES.

Humpfner's lawyer aid particular
stress upon the letters filled with talk
about kisses written by Mrs, Humpf-
| ner to her husband In this city while
she was on a trip abroad a few years
ago.
You went abroad determined never
to return TO your husband. did you
| not?" asked the lawyer.
NO" declared Mrs. Humpfner.
Q. Well. isn't It a fact that you re-
tained counsel before YOU sailed? A,
1t Is.
/ The letters introduced were very at
%fectionate, closing with such touching
sentences as, Ten thousand kisses
from your wife. Helen" "One thousand
kisses from your wife. Helen" Love
! and kisses, Helen"
Upon her return from Europe. Mrs
Humpfner went to the country. She
wrote many letters to Humpfner. tell
ing Of her impatience because he did
not write or come near her n caution
Ing him not to forget to, bring me
money"
Mrs. Humpfner admitted that she had
left her husband several times previous
ly. but had returned 10 him. 1t was
not until oct. 3, 1000, some Tune after
her trip abroad. that she left him for
good, she said.
Mrs. Humpfner declared that on ons
| occa sion Humpfner tore her dress of OF
her because she old him she had been
invited to go driving with some friend
In Brooklyn. .
He refused to give me any car fare
she said. Every time ! would men
ton my Brooklyn friends he would
become enraged and either strike Of
threaten me. once when | was III hi
kicked n beat me, and then reminded
me that 1t was a way he had OF clip
plng my wings He used TO treat m
cruelty so often that | can't remember
the exact dates
Humpfner declared the trouble be,
tween himself and wife was due 4
money matters. He denied that f.e ev0l
struck or even Threatened her in an,
way.
The evening world., 1911-12-12
KNOWS ALL THE DOPE ABOUT
THE PLAYERS CT HER CLUB.

II always leave everything about the
players to the Judgment OF Mr.. Bres-
nahan," explained Mrs. Britton. Il
have unbounded faith In him and think
ne Is the greatest little manager In the
league, save probably one. and l guess
you've got that one In little old New
York. Look what he has done for the
team already-wonders n marves.
Why. he came very, very near ~coralilng
that pennant lastIxesr. II n OF his
pitchers had only behayed a little
better and if-but what s the use Of
fling. What we have. got to do 10 to
cut the propositionsaou and get down
to brass tacks. -,
Il like to talk TO my ana about
the players and learn all about them,
treir personalities, their psychology. /
am beginning to know them all like q
book and can figure pretty closely on
their abilities and, shortcomings"
Since taking possession OF the Cardi-
mails Mrs. BrItton has primed herself
with the dope OF ali the big and little
leagues. She Is getting to know the
batting n pitching averages OF eve
the bush leaguers. M when the sub
1ect Of purchasing a new player Is
brought up by her manager or her club
president she can surprise them now and
then with her intimate kowledge of the
afairs OF the baseball market.
Mrs. Britton is thinkipa seriously OF
building a concrete stadium at her ball
park in st, Louis ana has a hdnch that
when she gets that stadium she will
annex a pennart. 3
you know the old itrndition of the
big leagues" she said, that a new
stand means a championship. Mr..
Comiskey built a new one and he won
the pennant IN 1906. The PHILADELPHIA
American League team chr!stsned one
last year with a nennant. Then there
was Forbes Field. which the Pirates
brought n pennant to. and finally there
was the Polo Grounds stadium. where
you are flying n p%ennant now, Is there
any wonder that I've got a hunch."
Mrs. Brltton will remain at the Wal
dorf during the session OF the National
Commission and she expects to he very
much In evidence at the spring training
OF the Cardinals next year. f
The evening world., 1911-12-12

I'll Us CVHTD IN q To II DAYS.
Your druxgist wall refund monsy II paSo 0int-
nent falls 10 cure any. ces OF Itching. Blind,
Bissdins O Psotru6ns PILES In Q 10 ~ dsyS.6oc. e.
The evening world., 1911-12-12
Owner Of the St. Louie
Club KnosOs Evyry An
gle Of National Sport,
or the Dope About the
Players, and Is Sure
She'll Annex the Prize.
Willing to Build NeW
Stadium Because She
Has a Hunch That the
Much Coveted Flag Az
ways Fotlows in Ifs
Wake. e.

When the National League resumed
it's session at the waldor- Astoria to-
day there was a subdued note in the
wrangles and contentious, for there sat
In the gathering Of baseball maEnates
a good-looking young woman, neatly
gowned In brown. with gems flashing at
her throat and on her hands. This wa
Mrs. Helen Hatha way Britton. owner of
the ST. Louis National League Baseball
Club, therefore herself a masnate (the
very first of petticoated baseball mag
nates). and 1t was her first participation
In the affairs Of the big commission.
The late NJ. Stanley Robinson, prin.
cipal owner of the st. Louis club. wtued
the club, lock. stock and barrel. to his
niece upon bis death last March. and
Mrs. Britton took immediate possession,
The young woman did not take any
part in the s%quabbiing and s~peech-msk.
ing before the Commission She left
all that to e. II. Steininger. the prcsi.
dent OF her club. but as the owner o!
a property in which she takes a great
personal Interest che was on hand &c
hear all the proceedings and acquain,
herself with the inner workings of ths
Commission.
The evening world., 1911-12-12
SETS OF SCENERY ARE FOUND
INTACT.

Much to his qualification. Mr.. Thomp'
son discovered this morning that three
complete sets Of scenery which he be-
lieved had been destroyed In the hre
we're safe. They were removed from
Luna Park only a few days x to an
uptown studio. The scenic outhts ere
for a production Of Flyers" by George
Barr McCutcheon. which IL to be pre-
sented in three weeks, a production OF
"~E.llzabcth's Chauffeur which Is to Is
presented In %January, and a p~roduct!o l
OF Threading the Rainbow" which Is
t, be given to the public about Feb. |.
Scenery OF THE Spendthrlft' and
Polly of the Circus that had been
used was destroyed.
Luna Park was pretty well cleaned
up to-day when the gates were thrown
open to the public. The work Of re-
building the gap made by the fire VIII
be in%augurated az soon as plans can
be drawn and material can be procured,
and Luna Park will look as spick and
span as though no fire had occurred
within it's walls when II opens for the
summer season OF 1912.
The evening world., 1911-12-12
SMASHED ALARM BOX WITH
HER FIST.

when the fire was discovered yester-
day she was In her office at the en-
trance OF the park. There Is a fire
alarm box close to the telephone switch
board. Miss Reardon smashed the glass
with her fist and turned In the first
alarm. cutting a deep cash In her right
wrist: hence the bandage.
Then Miss Reardon ran to the apart
ments In the buildings to the right OF
the entrance and warned the members
Of five families living there. Return
Ing to her office. she got busy at the
telephone. summonlng assistance from
around the island. She also t%elephoned
to Mr.. Thompson that his amusement
creation was on fire and started him
on his hirty-five-minute automobile
trip from Forty-seoond street and Broad
way to Luna Park.
While Miss Reardon vas engaged
in doing her duty to her employer at
the telephone. W male employees OF
the telephone company came rushing
into the ONCE. The telephone company
owns the telephone apparatus and
these employees had been sent to
rescue said apparatus from the devour-
ing flames.
OWNING their mission as they burst
| through the door, Miss Reardon
snapped shut and locked n wicket gate.
shutting of her own little officA while
the telephone men fumed and stamped
around, she kept on using the tele-
phone in the line of her duty. Finally
one OF the telephone emissaries climbed
the wicket gate. tore the apparatus
loose and dragged It out. against the
protests OF Miss Reardon. The hre
did not get to the Office where the
telephone was located.
The evening world., 1911-12-12
DAUGHTER OF a CLUB OWNER
AND ALWAYS INTERESTED.

Mrs. Britton Is twenty-eight ears old,
the wife ofN Schuyler Britton of Cleve-
land. and the mother of two little chill
dren. She has been interested In base
ball since her ~babyhood. and she grew
to w~omanhood where the lingo of the
diamond was the music Of the dinner
table. Her father was the late Frank
DE Hass Robinson. owner Of the Cleve.
land Spiders.
Ever since she took possession Of
Roger ESesnahan and his Cardinals Mrs.
Britton h sidtaksn iaR active part In
shaping the affairsa OF the Ct. Louis Club.
She removed her home from Cleveland
to st. Louis and registered her ambition
to one day own a pennant winning Ma
tional League club. She has high hopes
that "Bres'' will turn the trick and she
Is mighty glad that ne 10 signed up for
five years at a mighty handsome salary.
My only ambition Is to get a PEN
nant." exclaimed the young woman to-
Der meeting Of the National Commits
sion. Yes" she added, while her big
brown eyes flashed and the diamonds
danced upon the tiny chains that draped
them from her throat, Il would rather
land the Cardinals at the top Of the
heap than be the leader Of the Four
Hundred. I feel It in my zones that
Roger Bresnahan Is going to do this for
me, though / may have to be patient
and wait for a year or two.
The evening world., 1911-12-12
BARRELS Of LOVE-
ALSO HER KISSES
GREW VERY COLD
Mrs. Helen Humphreys Letters
to Husband Used Against
Her in Divorce Suit.

Barrels OF love and tens Of thousands
OF kisses that cooled and withered with
each succeeding year they lived together
figured to-day In the Supreme Court at
the trial Of the suit for separation
brought by Mrs. Helen Humpfner
against Adolph Humpfnerr a wealthy
real estate dealer.
According to Mrs. Humpfney, comely
and about thlrty-ive years old, her
husband developed a peculiar mania for
clipping her w,ngs'-sald clipping con-
slsting OF beating and kicking her and
hurling brooms and coat hangers at her.
After ten years OF the alleged brutal
treatment. Mrs. Humpfner left her hus-
band, penning the following note in ex-
PLANTATION:
"Adolph: No doub you will be sur
prised to get this. but you shouldn't.
as your cruel treatment has driven
me from you. am going to my Sis
ter's In Brooklyn. Wishing you good
luck and hoping you will find .
suitable wife. HELEN"
Mrs. Humpfner tearfully recited the
| story of her marital differences to
Justice Davis, after which her husband
was called to the stand and entered
an emphatic denial to all the charges.
Justice Davis listened to each OF them
and then refused to grant a decree.
hER LETTERS FILLED WITH
The evening world., 1911-12-12
HEROIC HELLO GIRL
FOUGHT TO SAVE
. LUNA PARK AF|RE
Miss Reardon Cut Wrist in
Smashing Fire Signal
Box in Office.
PHONED MORE A r
Battled With Linemen Who
Came to Tear Out Appa-
ratus She Was Using.
PHONED MORE ALARMS,

There was a heroine telephone girl in
the Luna Park fire yesterday afternoon.
Every up-to-date. strictly recherche
fire has a telephone girl heroine and 1t
would be strange indeed. II Luna Park.
being even ahead OF the times. could not
come across with that necessary and
interesting accessory.
Her name Is Anna Reardon and she
lives at No. Is9 bay Twenty-sixth
street. ~Bensonhurst. Just to show that
Luna Park Is still in the ring and not
even materially damaged by the Are.
Mr.. Thompson opened the gates to the
public to-day. and among the exhibits
was Miss Reardon. with her right wris
bandaged.
Luna Park. contrary to general belief.
IL not abandoned In winter. About
twenty men are steadily employed there
as watchmen and c~aretakers OF m
and property. They work under the
direction Of Supt. Rlehl. and Miss Rear
don, In addition to looking after the
telephone. acts as timekeeper Of the
employees.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
a Man Who Knew Everythinu.

Theirs. the French statesman. was a
victim Of many WITNESSES. None had
stronger hold on him. says Mgr. Ga
briel Hanotaux in contemporary
France" than his desire to get every
body to recognize his universal compe.
tency.
or an applicant for the post Of di-
rector at the Sevres manufactory
Theirs said:
''TIe is no more made for that part
than for and then he stopped.
"Ah, oh. NJ. Thiers." said his inter
locutor. you find it hard to say what
You could not do"
"That's the truth! That's the TRUTH
cried the statesman gleefully.
One day Thiers said. speaking of n
man who had been raised to a high
function:
"He is no more suited for that office
than | am to be druggist. And yet"
he added. catching himself up. II do
know chemistry"
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Champion Eqa LAYERS.

Many insects are extremely prolific.
All of the order Hymenoptera. the bees
and ants. lay large numbers, but they
are easily excelled by the order Plecop1
terra. the stone flies. one female of
which deposits from 5000 to 6.000 eggs.
But the champion egg layers are the
insects embraced in the order Isoptera,
the white ants. DR.. Howard states
that these insects are called white ants
because they are not ants and because
they are not white. but he further goes
on to tell us that the females Of some
Of the African species grow to an enor-
nous size, and their abdomen, swollen
with eggs, becomes as big as a large
potato. The rate at which the eggs
are laid is extraordinary, being about
sixty a minute. or $4,000 and upward
Il day.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Begging the Price.

The man whose doctor had advised
him to walk downtown in the morning
looked scornfully at the panhandler
who had held him up.
"You say you want money for your
starving wife and children" he repeat
ed. "Well, don't believe you have
any"
"Weil, wot Of it?" asked the beggar
brazenly. "Wot If am lyin'?"
The pedestrian gasped, but held to
his purpose.
"I think you want this money only
to buy liquor" he said.
"Wotif do?"
"In that case you show yourself to be
a liar, vagabond and = drunkard-a
man who is scarcely worth saving. But
listen. Do you know that the liquor
evil Is, to certain extent, Its own
corrective?"
"Wotcha drivin' at?"
"Just this. Scientists tell US that
liquor is killing off the weak and In
ferior class. In that way you may be
said to be doing some good. Do YOU
The beggar held out his hand.
"Stop right dere, mister" he said,
"and help de good work along before
you tink O. somepin' else." boston
Traveller.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Anecdotes of Richter.

DR.. Richter will forgive us, we are
sure, for telling two rehearsal stories
about him. Madam X. was singing at
n rehearsal and was decidedly out of
tune. DR.. Richter stood it as long as
he could. then turned to her, Madam"
he said, "will you kindly give the or
chestra your AZ"
At another rehearsal one Of the in
strunantalists made a mistake. "No,"
said DR.. Richter: sit goes so (hum-
ming) - rum-tum- -tarumr The same
player made another mistake. "No, no
-rum-tum-t -tarumr' At the third mis-
take DR.. Richter momentarily lost pa
tience and cried. why do you make
so many mistakes. Mr.. -?' Then
quickly recovering his habitual good
humor, "Ah. know why 1t is-you like
to hear me singr'-Manchester Guard
ian.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Telephone BIunders.

"Have you any spare RIBS" was the
question asked q Portland. business
man recently. when he took down the
telephone receiver to answer call.
For a moment the business man
thought he was the subject Of some
Joke, but the sweet voice that asked
the question reassured him, and he
realized that there was some mistake,
so he hastily answered.,
"No, madam, am not Adam, and l
am not willing to give up one Of my
ribs for any purpose"
"Oh, I beg your pardon" was the
prompt reply. Il thought I had
Blanks meat market"
This incident brought forth story
about the chief Of police Of Oakland,
Cal. Some years ago, when asked over
the telephone If he had any brains, he
grew furious and said some very i'm
polite things to the lady who asked
the question before he discovered that
she wanted butcher shop and not the
chief of police.-Portland Oregonian.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
a Weddino Hoax.

There have been many foolish hoaxes
since the days Of Theodore Hook, but
few so cruel as one mentioned by
Bran Stoker in his book, Famous
Impostors." "a young couple were
about to be married In Birmingham
when those officiating were startled by
the delivery Of telegram from Lon
don with the MESSAGE: Stop marriage
at once. His wife and children have
arrived in London and will come on
to Birmingham The bride tainted,
and the bridegroom was frantically
perturbed at thus summarily being
provided with a wife and family. But
1t was useless-the unhappy man had
to make the best of his way through
an exasperated crowd. full of sympa-
thy for the wronged girl. Inquiry,
however, showed her friends that the
whole thing was q hoaX-possibly
worked by some revengeful rival Of
the man whose happiness had been so
unexpectedly deferred"
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Force of Liuht.

Light has an actual mechanical
pressure and can be measured in the
laboratory. 1t has been found that
the suns light in itself presses
against the earth with force some
thing like 10000 tons. AS the surface
of sphere varies as the square of
the radius, and as the volume or mass
varies as the cube Of the radius, and
as the mechanical pressure Of light on
the whole surface varies as that sur
face, and as the force Of gravity varies
as the mass. If a sphere is made
smaller and smaller it Is easily seen
that the pressure Of light does not de-
crease so fast as the force Of gravity,
50 bodies beyond q certain .minuteness
could not reach the sun, but would be
repelled by the mechanical force Of its
light.-Chicago Record-Herald.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Eour,6 the Word.

The late Thomas Lowry of Mime
apolis was great wit and great
story teller as we'll as great flnan-
cier. He needed $1,OOO.OO0 one time
for one of his railroad enterprises, and
he went to New York to get it. On the
morning of his arrival friend met
him at the hotel and asked, "What are
you doing. Tom%"
81 am going downtown to get $1,00O.-
OOO."
"Can you do it?"
"My boy" said Lowry impressively,
ain the bright lexicon Of youth there
is no such word as fail"
That night Lowry came back to his
hotel after a hard day. The same
friend met him. did you get the mil
lion?" he asked.
mo" replied Lowry. II didn't. l
opened that bright lexicon of youth,
and the word was in t."-Philadelphia
Saturday Evening Post.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Thinua Are Chanaed Now.

The Fourth Of July, the day Of our
arrival at Albany, was the anniversary
Of the Declaration of Independence,
and on our arrival we were told that
great preparations were making for its
celebration.
Our landlord, as soon as he found
out who we were, Immediately came
to US to request that we would excuse
the confused state in which his house
was, as this was the anniversary day
Of American independence" or, as
some indeed more properly call 1t,
American repentance" We were all
Of us not little surprised at this ad-
dress, and from such a person. In
stances, however, are not wanting Of
people openly declaring that they have
never enjoyed so much quiet and hap
piness in their own homes since the
Revolution as they did when the states
were the colonies of Great Britain.
Among the planters of Virginia have
heard language Of this sort more than
once.-From Travels Through the
States Of North America" by Isaac
Weld, Jr., 1895.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Roonns to Let Sjuns In Paris.

The Partisan householder who has
more room than he. requires does not
simply put out q card printed in small
type which will lure from across the
street a weary man or woman who
is in search of ''unfurnished," but finds
that here are only furnished rooms"
or the other way about. A white card
on Il Parisian dwelling means that
furnished apartments are to let and
all who run may read. \ yellow card
conveys to the passerby the knowledge
that unfurnished lodgings are there
available. - Boston Post.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Tho Old Sod

At the breaking of ground for one
of the new buildings for the Catholic
university at Washington the late
Archbishop Ryan was present. and
Cardinal Gibbons was officiating. The
cardinal turned over a large piece Of
grass covered earth when 1t was dis
covered that there had been hitch
in the ceremony.
"Well," said the cardinal, 81 sup
pose that we will have to dig another
sod.'
"Oh. no. no." said Archbishop Ryan.
"Never go back on the old. sod"-Phil-
adelphia Times.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Office of the Eootman.

"I don't believe there is anything IN
that talk about Harlow being hard up"
said Little Blake. "Why, he's just
blossomed forth with q footman on
his motor"
"Footmanw echoed Jinkinson deri-
sively. "Footman is good! That isn't
footman. It's a deputy sheriff in
charge Of the car."-Harper's Weekly.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
THE FOLLY OF LAWSUITS.

Whatever else you do, don't get
into a lawsuit over some trif1ing
disagreement with neighbor. The
courts are full of suits which could
have been settled by mutual con-
cession or by arbitration to the
great advantage of all parties ex-
cept the lawyers in the case. Just
the other day suit was decided
after two or three years of expence
and worry on the part of the two
families. 1t was over a disputed
line, as so many such suits are, and
the landin dispute was probably
not worth fifty dollars. The suit
cost the winner 1925, and the loser,
being taxed with the costs, neces-
sarily had more to pay.
Another case recently noticed is
where a farmer had a right to get
water from spring on neighbor's
land. He wanted to build aspiring
house, the owner objected. The
first man had got along without a
spring house for years. it would
not have damaged the landowner
a penny, yet an injunction has been
issued and law suit is on. Each
party will probably spend several
hundred dollars and be no better
off, and the old friendliness of the
neighborhood will be thing of the
past.
To begin a suit in court over
some such trivial matter which
could easily be adjusted by a little
give and take, is not only the poor
est sort of policy-a a case of vast
ing dollars to gain possible cents,-
but is also a crime against the COM
munity and foolish waste of the
best part of life. For what shall
it profit man if he gain deedless
lawsuit only to lose the goodwill of
his neighbors and his own friendli-
ness toward them? Raleigh N.C)
Progressive Farmer.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Farmer.
- 49,
Ticklinu a Hippo,

"Come here and I'll scratch your
tongue, Caliph." visitor to the Gen.
trail park menagerie heard the keeper
say to the young hippopotamus.
The visitor hadn't expected that the
hippo understood English, but appar-
emily he did. He came up to the edge
Of the tank. opened his jaws yard or
so and waited. The keeper put his
hand into the open mouth and it'll
lated the animals tongue with the
ends Of his fingers.
"That's the way to make a hippo
love you" said the keeper. "They
like to be tickled, just as a cat likes
to have you stroke its back. Caliph
wouldn't close his mouth on my arm,
and I know I am taking no risk.
They are the most amiable big beasts
in the world, and I would trust them
more than l would an elephant."-
New York Sun.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1911-07-14
Dear Denial,

'T have heard the late Archbishop
Ryan tell Of two plump gourmets who
were discussing during Lent their IA
vorite fast Dishes" said a Philadel-
phian.
"'Trout,' said the first, with q sigh,
has gone up. thanks to the high cost
Of living and the Lenten demand
"'Yes,' said the other. Isn't 1t ter
rible? Oysters. terrapin, teal duck,
wine, caviar-everything is dearer. In
deed, I often wonder these days where
one is to get the money to fast WITH"