The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1911-03-04

to this witticism, and took out his pipe; but the guard shook his heat.
 and Ronald put tho unlit pipe in his mouth in imitation of his fellow pas I scnger, who nodded approvingly, and remarked:
 I : "An empty pipes better than no
 smoke; and it don't burn the toH- que. My old muvver, bless Ter cart.
 used to say, If ever you're 'ungry,
 Chorley, try and pretend as you've lad I good blowout; it's wonderful low
 filling 1t is.'" Ronald laughed again.
 "There's something in that, MT. Chorley," he said.
 That's just what the man said
 when he blew is air off with a gun as he thought wasn't loaded,"s observ- ed the man. "But you aint got my
 name quite right, sir. 'Chorley's' the
 name I was christened by; the other one is 'Smivvers.'
 'I beg your pardon, Mir. Smithers." 1" ! said Ronald, making a guess at the proper pronunciation.
 O That's it, sir,'' said Smithers, with
 a nod. You've got it the first time, though you give it the fancy pronun- l citation. which is a bit too hard for general use"
 Ronald was attracted by the man,
 by his simple yet shrewd face, his
 cheerful philosophy. and his quaint
 way of expressing it, and, to carry on the conversation, said: You've been down the liner"
 "Yes.I sir,' replied Smithers. "Been
 looking for work. That's a pretty
 hard job in itself like uniting for a Epin in straw-yard."
 "what kind of work are you look
 ing for?''
 i E, Amy kind: though I should lave preferred something soft. vas the man said when they arst i'm what he ] ave for dinner, after he'd been to the dentist; but, soft or ard, it's all the same: works as scarce in the country as it is in Lunnin.' What can you do?" asked Ron ald, with vague idea of being able to help the amusing fellow. j., ss'.
 Y There ain't no time to tell you. sir,' replied Smithers, glancing at the | window, past which the houses in the outskirts of London were flashing rapidly "I've tried me and at most things, but nothing seems to stand by
 me, as the gentleman observed when
 he was crossing the Channel. I
 started as errand- boy, but was too fond O marbles; then I was two-
 legged camel"
 What on earth is that?" asked Ronald with laugh.
 Porter. sir; but I was only like a
 camel about the face; wasn't strong
 enough. Then was cook at one l of them cahby and poultice shops-'' I'm afraid you'l have to explain again." said Ronald.
 ''Horse-fiesh sausage and mashed 1 potato." explained Smithers. graveiy.
 'Arter that was tout at a cheap photographers; you stand outside the door with a photograph, nicely fram-
 ed, in your and. and politely, arst the people to step inside and lave their
 likeness took. I kept that place for quite a little time; but the photog- l rapher was poor and at the game and one day a middle-aged female,
 bein' dissatisfied with Fer photograph,
 set to hangin' me with 'er umbrella with @ big crowd laughin' and cheer | in 'er on. That wasn't what you'd
 call exactly good enough; for, not
 bein' married man, wasn't used to it; threw up the situation and
 went in for the cheap-jack line"
 'I think that ought to have suit ] ed you" said Ronald.
 "Yes,, sir; you mean I'm such a
 modest. retiring sort O cove, as the
 periwinkie said to the pin? We'll, I got a stand at the corner of the Old
 Kent Road. and sold knives that you
 could ride to Romford on. and purses | with 'arf a crown in 'em, for a shtl- lin apiece. Of course. the 'arf-
 crown was up me sleeve I could
 show yer 'ow to do it, if 'ad a purse and the coin--''
 Ronald, with a laughing Here yon
 are" tossed him half a crown; and Srnithers, pretending to throw it into | a purse. passed it cleverly up his | sleeve. then offered to restore it to
 its owner; but Ronald shook his head.
 "Oh. keep it." he said: "you've 1 earned it fairly. You do it we'll" That's what the police said; too
 well," observed MT. Smithers, touch-
 iEg his cap. Thank you. sir" He looked at the coin affectionately.
 That's the first 'arf-crown I've seen l for precious long time. I'd 'ave it
 framed if I could afford it. Where I was I? Oh, ah! After the cheap jack business came to sudden end, went 1 into the cos.er business; put my voice | wasn't strong enough for it. People
 don't believe yer things is any good
 unless you can holler loud enough to ! deafen 'em; and it's my belief that most of the time the women is ex- asperated into buyin', just to stop