davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

LFrom the Philadelphia Record
Most of us have promised to mend.
Some people never kick at a thing
unless they are sure it can't kick back.
Habits grow on us. A man can't
even fight a duel without having a sec
ond.
Most preachers know more about
the next world than they do about
this.
Few men can govern themselves.
That's why so many Of the get mar
ried.
Many a mans knowledge consists
largely of the knowledge of lost oppoE
tunities.
Some men are so fair and SQUARE
that they wouldn't even beat a carpet
when it was down
Mrs. Dashaway-"When = am Civ
ing a dinner I always have eandelabra
on the table" Mrs Newrich-"c-ra
cious! never have anythin-- canned -
Men must work and W 5men must
weep" quoted the Wise Guy. ssBl,t
the women always do Their end of the
job with more pleasure added the
Simple Mug.
No. Maude, dear; we have never
heard that the boss of a watch factory
was especially addicted to ordering bis
hands around
Hoax-''AlI dogs should be muzzIad
IN hot weather" Joax-s.That's ,-iolst
| guess III take mine to the laundSv ;;
Hoax-''W for?" Joax-ssTo 1,s,,.
his muzzlin' DONE
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04
strike at Mammoth Cave.

The Amalgamated Association of
Mammoth Cave guides, with a mem
bership of six, has struck As con-
sequence, the management is in sore
straits. and the public that wants to
go through the great natural wonder
has to content itself with a look at the
anterior orifice.
What makes the strike unusually
embarrassing for the management is
the circumstance that the six guides
are the only men who know the cave.
They have been guiding for about
twenty years, and hence know every
nook and corner and danger along the
whole course. But as they had no
apprentices, nobody else does.
This little fact may account for their
willingness to see the cave manager
undertake to run the concern with
nonunion labor. Unlike most unions,
they positively welcome the suggestion.
The management has nothing to fear
in the way of picketing or attempts to
interfere with its business, if what IS
reported of the striking guides is true.
But nonUnion labor, in spite of the
apparently favorable conditions, is
strangely backward in the vicinity of
Mammoth Cave. 1t seems to feel that
the danger of stepping of into 1.-The
bottomless pit" or Echo river, or soma
of the other attractions of the cave, or
of getting lost amid the forest of
stalactites and stalagmites and never
getting back again. makes the job on
the whole most undesirable one.
In the meantime, the cave business.
which, If we remember correctly,
ranked third in the list of Kentucky s
principal occupations at the last cen
sus, is absolutely going to ruin. Day
after day the mana cement is COM
PEELED to decline to fill orders. The
clientele of this once fiourishing con-
| Germ is rapidly disbandlng.
Finding it impossible to secure what
they want in the cave line, people are
no doubt turning their attention to
Niagara Falls, Yosemite valley yell
lowstone park, the Grand Canyon OF
! which are not suffering from labor
troubles. There is really no estimat-
ing the number of thrills and shivers
and "oh'si" and chow wonderfuIs!'
that Kentucky will lose this year IN
account of the interruption in the cave
busine Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

combined with the Democrats in the
fracas over the rules to throw discredit
on the Republican party and put it in
a hole. Success crowned their efforts.
A Democratic majority was returned to
the house of representatives. Now the
Republican insurgents in the senate are
combining with the Democrats there to
put a Republican president and HIS
party in a hole. VIII history repeat
itself? Probably not. The voters OF
the country have become wise to the
Vaccinations of the insurgents.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Any number of men and women
chase after happiness in the wrong di-
rection.
More songs would become popular if
50 many incompetents did not try to
sing them.
Some women look on their mar
riages as failures unless they can get
big aHmony out of them.
Too many folk waste a lot of valu-
able time in trying to hit on a scheme
to make money without working
One or more of the American mag
azines prints a story in French each
month. and most folk have the foolish
idea that because they're in French
these tales are exceedingly risque.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04
A MANS ENEMIES.

We heard a minister say one time
that a man that hadn't an enemy
wasn't worth killing That seemed to
US like a pretty hard expression, but
after consideration We came to the
conclusion that he was about right.
Any man that advances any ideas
whatever, takes up questions of i'm
portance and fights them out for the
best interests of the town or commun-
ity in which he lives, Till have OPP
position and in many cases may have
bitter enemies, just because he adyo-
Gates progressive movements, where
the man that has no opposition gen
orally does nothing to oppose the ele-
ment that is always in Cor the dollar,
regardless of how they get it.-Cuba
Daylight.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[Fron the ~ York Press.l

IF'rom the New York Press.1
It's not as easy for a man to fool
baby as q woman a man.
The reason a girl knows so little
about some things is she could tell .
lot more if she dared to.
The experienced man saves two days
of the end of his vacation to go home
and rest up from it.
A man can know all there is to know
about scientific finance without ever
making a cent OFT OF it.
Just as soon as a man sets out not
10 get married some woman seals his
fate by setting out to marry him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04
KANSAS COAAENT

COUNTY MAJ r-n.NSION PAUPERS.
Under a new law each county may
pension its INDECENT If it so desires.
pensioners would be persons suffering
from an1lcttons rendering them abso-
lutely helpless, persons who have lost
both eyes, both feet, both hands or
one foot and one hand and are over
9o years OF age, providing their fami-
lies or near relatives are not financial
~ able to support them. If the county
commissioners do not see fit to grant
the pensions the matter may be sub
mltued to vote of the people The
commissioners cannot grant more than
SO month to any one party. The
law further provides that such person
making application. may have, II he
DESIRES a proposition granting the
commissioners the power to give him
a sum OF $50 month, submitted to the
voters of the county at the next gen.
eral election. The proposition will be
put on the ballot IN a manner similar
TO constitutional amendment with che
name of the applicant and if a ma
Jority shall vote for the proposition the
commissioners shall grant the pension
authorized. A person must have been
a bona fide resident of the county for
ten years.-Howard Courant.
.
sTANDPATIsM IN ENGLAND
why make any concessions to pub
lie sentiment?" American Tories fire.
quently ask. Why not stand pat ana
let 'em how'll"
That is just what the British house of
lords tried to do two years ago. Lloyd
George brought in a budget bearing
heavily on special privileges. The lords
threw it out. They were warned that
they were inviting disaster. But they
would make no concessions.
The people had their way, of course.
They always do There was a general
election. The ministry was sustained,
and the lords passed the budget. But
that concession which was all that
was desired the year before. came too
late. The nation incensed over the
presumption Of the peers, demanded
that the house of lords be deprived of
its obstructive powers. The bill TAX
ing away from the upper house the
prerogative of centuries is the direct
outcome of observation-disclosures City
Times,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Mrs. Partingt0n-Last night I made an
awful faux pas Mrs ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
up; you'd do better with practice And
would you mind lending me your pattern,
dear? I've been wanting to make one of
those things myself.-Toledo Blade.
'I hope some day. said the ambitious
youngster, Ito see my name written in
letters of brass" We'll. there is no rea-
said his father. "a brass doorpIate
doesn't cost much."-Birmingham Age
Herald.
This sword came from the battlefield
of Waterloo. An interesting anecdote
does with it." ut is a fine anecdote.'
fully. Il bought the same anecdote once
with an old musket- "-Washington Her
He-You know, my dear. tx" is an I'M
known quantity. Shell know it is I've
never seen one since I married you
Baltimore American.
1--WE are soliciting contributions to help
strengthen the city bridges" I'D rather
chip in to help strengthen the ball team
-Pittsburg Post
He-so your brother is on the college
baseball team. What position does he
play? She-Why-er-I think he bats
Boston Transcript.
Teacher-Why didn't the dove bring
back the olive leaf the first time? Johnny
Please. mum. cause olives are an ac-
CURED taste.-Judge.
George Washington had just cut down
the cherry tree. 1.-The first Whack at the
lumber trust" he cried. Herewith he felt
he had one on Wickersham.-New York
Sun.
Rube-where's yer boy naow? Josh
He's in New York. Rube-Which sides
he by this time? Josh-What dyer
mean? Rube-Is he sellin' gold bricks
Already or buyin' 'em yet?-Toledo Blade.
whats the trouble in Plunkville'
We've tried mayor and we've tried a
commission" ''Well?" Now we're
thinking of Offering the management of
our city to some good magazine. Louis
vile Courter-Journal
''rhen you don't want to be rescued?''
NO" replied the man on the tropical
isle. It have already accumulated over
2 00, 600 clam shells. What's the use OF
going back to civilization and having to
start afresh ?'-Pittsburg Post
Guest (after particularly bad lunch)-
There is one thing on your table which is
unsurpassed in the finest hotels in Lon
of you to say so, sir. May I ask what
you refer to? Guest-The salt.-London
Opinion.
Fond Mother-Did young Mr. Watkvn
show much interest in the old masters at
the art exhibition Aunt Chloe-No, he
seemed to take much more interest in the
young missus.-Somerville Journal.
Lady lat ticket bureau in London. buy
ing seats for the coronation procession)-
oh, I wonder If the trees on the terrace
will prevent our seeing properly Youth
in Charge-You need have no fear.
madam; the trees will all be cut down for
the day.-Punch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Haiti is never bothered about what
TO do with its ex-presidents. When the
psychological moment for their retire
Enent arrives, they always make them
selves exceedingly scarce and hide
away in distant lands where there are
Ravens of safety. Antoine Simon has
just followed old Nord Alexis into this
sort of retirement. Soon there will be
enough ex-presidents OF Haiti wander
ing around to organize a baseball nine
of their own.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Prospects for Republican success in
the presidential campaign Of 1912 are
growing brighter all the time. After
abusing their opportunities in New
York state, the Democrats there are
once more persona non grata. And
now the chances for a big fight be-
tween two Of the strong national ele-
Inents in the party are all that the Re
pubHcans could desire.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Lorimer and his friends are probably
of the opinion that c. A. White is suf-
fering from such decisions that he
should be examined as to his sanity.
White insisted before the senate COM
snittee conducting the newest Lorimer
investigation that he was paid hand
somely as a member of the Illinois leg
dslature to vote for Lorimer's election
TO the United states senate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Was that investment of Topekans in
the balloon, Topeka II. a good one:
We'll, rather. Forty thousand people
attended the starting of the national
elimination balloon race at Kansas
City some time ago, and that was all
there was for them to see. As big a
balloon race. with starters from a half
dozen or more of the large cities of the
country, is going to be started from
Topeka in the course OF six weeks, and
the start Of this race is merely going
to be one Of the incidents OF the state
fair.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Every girl who is a slave to her com
plexion will probably have a tobacco
patch of as large proportions as posi-
BILE in her dads back yard. A party of
New York girls, including some ac-
tresses, are camping out in tobacco
fields in Connecticut because the aroma.
of green tobacco leaves in conjunction
with the suns rays are said to be the
producers OF wonderful complexions.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

All doubt has been removed that
there was anything of charity in the
absorption Of the Tennessee Coal and
Iron company by the Steel trust. On
an investment of s29, ZOO. 900 the steel
trust got ore land worth $500, O0O, 600
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04
FULL, LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.


Subscribers of the State Journal
away from home during the summer
may have the paper mailed regularly
eaf.h dav to any address at the rate Of
Ten cents q week or thirty cents a
month (by mail only. Address
changed as often as desired White
out Of town the State Journal Will be
90 You Ike a daily letter from home
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Chairman Underwood, Of the ways
and means committee of the house Of
representatives has started an Ananias
Club of his own. And 10, the name of
William Jennings Bryan leads all the
rest among the charter members.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

press in the numerous cases where de-
cent and sympathetic men are at work
in the profession. Human beings have
the power in their own hands to better
themselves, and in thousands and
thousands of cases they have the in
clination to exercise that power, and
they are actually exercising it."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

The cash in the United States treas
ury now totals 81, 8S9, 247. 900. It's sur
prising but true that this is a larger
sum than the monetary value of the
property owned by John D. Rockefeller.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Kansas was unable, because of con-
stitutional limitations, to establish q
state oil refinery. But Minnesota seems
to have had no difficulty in building
and putting in operation a state cream
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Once in q. while the United States war
department issues a sensible order. In
this category is the recent one insist
ing that cavalry officers must learn
how to ride horses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Chicago Cinnamon are complaining
that the American people don't like
chop suey any more. Nor is there any
reason why they should
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

One kind of a little green worm OF
destructive propensitles is welcome
Immigrant to Kansas. It's particular
fruit is the Russian thistle
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Whenever there's a somewhat con
tinued dry spell hereabouts in the
future why not hasten along the
date Of the Grocers' annual picnic?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

The San Francisco woman who shot
her husband because she couldn't make
in the first place, and saved ammuni-
ton.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

The war department is of the opin-
ion that cavalry officers should learn to
rue Heretofore the principal quaHd-
cation of a cavalry ofacer was to know
how to dance.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

A wooden leg was found at Ameri-
can League park in New York after a
recent game, and no one has claimed
it. Chances are it was borrowed by
some enthusiastic fan to be used as an
umpire swatter, and, having no fur
Their use for 1t. he forgot it in the
rush for the cars.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Two years ago the Republican insur-
gents In the house Of representatives
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04
R1ZERFSR RnW n
US q
Things are sim looking dark in Hayti.

And some of the darkest CT them
arc feeling blue.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04
THE FUTURE OF EGYPT.

The appointment of Lord Kitchener
as British agent in Egyp- has aroused
considerable interest as to the future
of that country under his rule. 'Kitch-
ener,' says the Cleveland Plain Dealer
lis an able and successful soldier
cool-headed and cold-blooded, put one
of the worst possible men for a post OF
Importance where tact End deft d.
plomacy are required"
There is no doubt that the Egypt
ians lost a sincere friend in the death
of Sir Eldon Gorst. He stood for hu-
mainly, consideration an decency IN
the treatment of Egypt He regarded
its people not as savages, but as men
and women of ability ard native civil
izatfon. and it was his effort to develop
in them a racial pride. Ills course did
not, it is true, please tn imperialistlc
English or the strenuous Roosevelt,
but, nevertheless, he was doing his
d,1tv in q wise manner when he was
called by death.
And now the naughty and imperious
Kitchener is to take MS place II
means that the future OF Egypl mas
become a problem and that England is
likely to have serious trouble upon It's
Washington Herald.
THE SUNFLOWER'S ADVENT
The 81 varieties, more CT less. of sun
flower are now turning their goloeh
rays toward the rays Of the golden sun.
along the highways and byways or
southern Kansas.
On June rs they began to bloom, here
and there, and they Will continue.
whether continues drought or comes
soaking rains, until the killing frosts OF
late November.
The observation-disclosures of the sun and
loved of the gods-may lack the fra
GRANGE of the violet and the delieacy
of the rose; but whether seen among
the foothills of the Rockies or rankly
growing on the alluvial lands of Mis-
souri,. sight of it's golden face boldly
turned toward the sun is always
enough to bring to the wayfaring Kan
san a feeling of inconsistencies great
longing for the cloudless sky, and green
hills and wind-swept plains Of the state
that is famous for her woes and
glory
Well has it been chosen the flower Of
Kansas. It is a type Of the true Kan
san Golden-rayed, sun-facing, IN
mindful of. storm and defiant to
drought, from early summer to late
autumn it hopefully turns its face t.
the Giver and Destroyer of vernal life
All hail the yearly return Of the sun
floWer.-TorontO Republican
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04
HUAOR or THE Day

Mrs. Partington-Last night I made an
awful faux pas. Mrs. Malaprop-Chee
up; you'd do better with practice. And
would you mind lending me your pattern,
dear? I've been wanting to make one of
those things myself.-Toledo Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Cuba's highly adve1 tised revolution
has taken to the dense forests. but as
it is small one 1t may continue to
revolute If some small clear spot can
be found in the underbrush.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

HacKenschmidt, who is coming from
Europe to take another try at Gotch,
is bringing his own out1t-bottied wa
ter, provisions and attendants with
few assorted scft spots to fall upon.
this outfit should be complete.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

There is no rose. etc. The wind that
brought the last welcome rain, pushed
over our favorite peach tree, and cut
down the state peach crop by about
two quarts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

''Then you don't want to be rescued %
NO" replied the man on the tropical
isle. IT have already accumulated over
2 900, 900 clam shells. What's the use OF
going back to civilization and having to
start afresh ?''-Pittsburg Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Rube-where's yer boy naow? Josh
He's in New York. Rube-Which side s
he on by this time? Josh-What d yer
mean? Rube-Is he sellin' gold bricks
already or buyin' 'em yet?-Toledo Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

whats the trouble in PlunkviIle''
We've tried a mayor and we've tried a.
commission" "Well?' Now we're
thinking of Offering the management of
our city to some good magazine. Louis
vile Courier-Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

George Washington had just cut down
the cherry tree 1.-The first whack at the
he had one on Wickersham.-New York
Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Fond Mother-Did young Mr.. Watkyr
show much interest in the old masters a.
the art exhibition Aunt Chloe-No, hi
seemed to take much more interest in the
young missus.-Somerville Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Teacher-Why didn't the dove bring
back the olive leaf the first time? Johnny
Please, mum, cause olives are an ac-
Quired taste.-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Democrats in congress are now boost
ing Taft, thereby making it read-s'No
prophet is without honor save in his
own party"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

But, look around long enough. and
you may find that the world has i'm
proved in some ways, even If It has
deteriorated in others. For instance,
you never see a woman in a bicycle
dress now.
HOP
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Guest (after particularly bad lunch)-
There is one thing on your table which is
unsurpassed in the finest hotels in Lon
don. Seaside Hotel Proprietor-Very kind
of you to say so, sir. May I ask what
you refer to? Guest-The salt,-London
Opinion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Il hope some day." said the ambitious
youngster, ito see my name written in
letters of brass" well, there is no rea-
son why your dream shouldn't come true, -
said his father. "a brass doorpIate
doesn't cost much."-Birmingham Age
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

This sword came from the battlefield
OF Waterloo. An interesting anecdote
does with IT." 'It is a fine anecdote,'
said the other man, after listening care
fully. 1T bought the same aneedote once
with an old musket. "-Washington Her
aid
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

He-So your brother is on the college
baseball team. What position does he
play? She-Why-er-I think he bats
Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

He-You know, my dear, "x' is an I'M
known quantity. Shell know it is. I've
never seen one since I married you
Baltimore American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

I'VE are soliciting contributions to help
strengthen the city bridges sd rather
chip in to help strengthen the ball team
L-Pittsburg Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-08-04

Lady Cst ticket bureau in London. buy
ing seats for the coronation procession)-
Oh wonder If the trees on the terrace
will prevent our seeing property Youth
in Charge-You need have no fear
madam; the trees will all be cut down for
the day-Punch