davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1911-12-24
Professor Henry Bergson Writes IAN Essay
on the Meaning of the Comic" Which
Is Attracting Wide Attention

cause his sitting down is involuntary.
Consequently, it is not his sudden change
| of attitude that raises a laugh but
rather the involuntary element i'm this
chanse-his clumsiness, in fact Perhaps
there was a stone on the road.
He should have altered his pace or
avoided the obstacle. Instead of that,
| through lack of elasticity. through alb
sentmindedness and a kind of physical
obstinacy. as 4 result, in fact of rigid
| ity or Of momentum, the muscles con-
tinued to perform the same movement
| when the circumstances of the case call
ed for something else.
Now take the case of a person who at
tends to the petty occupations of his
everyday life with mathematical preci-
| sion. The objects around him, however,
| have all becn tampered with by a mis-
chievous wag; the result being that when
ne dips his pen into the inkstand he
draws it out all covered with mud: when
he fancies he is sitting down on a solid
chair he finds himself spraWliEg on the
floor. In a word, his actions are all
topsy-turvey or mere beating the air.
while in every case the effect is invari-
ably one of momentum.
Habit has given the impulse: what was
wanted was to check the movement or
defect it. He did nothing of the sort,
but continued like a machine in the
same straight line.
The further we proceed in this investi-
cation into the methods of comedy, the
more clearly We see the part played by
childhOOd's memories.
Take, for instance, the rolling SNOWFALL.
which Increases in size as it rolls along.
We might just as we'll think of toy sol
dters standing behind one another. Push
the first and il tumbles down on the sec
ond, this latter knocks down the third,
and the state of things goes from bad to
worse, until they all lie prone on the
floor.
Now introduce the human element. We
have a caller rushing violently into a
drawing-roOm; he knocks against a lady,
who upsets her cup of tea over an old
gentleman. who slips against glass
window, which falls in the street on to
the head Of policeman, who sets the
whole police force agog.
How the Theory Works.
1t is the characteristic of a mechanical
combination to he generally reversible.
In other words, the mechanism just de-
sCribed is laughable even when rectili-
near: it is much more so on becoming
circular and when every effort the play
er makes by a fatal interaction Of cause
and effect merely results in bringing it
back to the same spot.
Now a considerable number Of light
comedies rrvOlve around this idea. 4
straw hat has been eaten up by horse.
There il only one other hat like 1t in the
whole of Paris; II must he secured re-
gardess of cost This hat, which always
slips away at the moment its capture
seems inevitable, keeps the principal
character on the run, and through him
all the others who hang. so TO say, on
TO his coat tails, like n magnet which,
by a successive series of attractions,
draws along in it's train the grains of
iron filings that hang on to each other.
And when at last, after all sorts of
The Washington herald., 1911-12-24
LAUGHTER UNDER MICROSCOPE:
SCIENTIFIC STUDY OF HUMOR

difficulties, tke goal seems in sight, it is
found that the hat so ardently sought is
precisely the one that has been eaten
A henpecked husband imagines he has
escaped by divorce from the clutches of
his wife and his mother-in-law. He mar
ries again, when, 10 and Dehold, the
double combination of marriage and di-
Vorce brings back to him his former
wife in the aggravated form of a sec
Und mother-in-law!
And such. indeed, seems to be the idea
of Herbert Spencer. According to him,
laughter is the indication of an effort
which suddenly encounters a void. Kant
had already said something of the kind,
that Laughter is the result of an ex-
pectation which of a sudden ends in
nothing"
The Washington herald., 1911-12-24
4 Hopeless Cnse.

Prom Puck.
DE trouble wild me and muh WIFE" &C
mitted old Brother Gaumpers, ''am daf,
whilst we gree most o de time, W.
don't gree at de same time. kin gre
about anything, and she kin gree bot
anything. but we KANT gree wild eac
udder bout 1t. When I'm willing to gre
wild her she won't gree wild me. and whe
she is ready to gree wild me I've changed
muh mind and KANT gree wild her. We
kim bofe gree separate. but we kahn t
gree togedder on de same thing at de
same time. and de mo we tries de wuss
We gets
The Washington herald., 1911-12-24

An asbestos mine near Lowell, Mass,
gives promise Of producing 100 tons per
day.
The Washington herald., 1911-12-24

Following close upon Prof. Bergson'
lectures on The soul,'' in Paris and
London, appears the English edition OF
his volume entitled, Laughter: An Es-
say on the Meaning of the Comic" The
book which at first sight seems to rep
resent a descent from the sublime to the
ridiculous, is really quite profound and
scientific, as the following paragraphs
will show II is published by the Mac
MILAN Company, New York.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

1t takes good man a whole day to
change one bill. Elves raised to tens
are the most frequent offenders of this
sort. The workman thus makes IS
a day.
And yet in spite of all care and all
precautions, counterfeiters are event
ually run to earth. Why? Three rea-
sons: Bank, secret service and system.
In the long run most money in circu.
lation comes into the hands of some
bank. And there the counterfeit,
good or bad, eventually meets it's
downfall. Tellers and cashiers han.
die so much currency that they seem
to be gifted with second sight.
If he cannot tell at first glance
whether the money Is bad, he consults
two monthly counterfeiting magazines
and usually finds what he Is after.
The magazine people cooperate with
the secret service. And the next tell
er or cashier who gets the mate Of
the note knows right off what the
counterfeit is.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07
Bankers Quick to Detect Bad Money

THE exact chance OF any one per-
/ son having bad piece Of money
is hard to determine. for the reason
that no one, not even ~the secret serv-
ice, knows at any one time just how
much counterfeit currency is in circu-
latfon. But from years of experience
the government agents at Washington
have figured out that in paper money
the proportion of bad to good is about
81 to 100000, and in coin somewhere
between 81 and 50 to 100000.
The larger the coin or bill to be
counterfeited the greater the danger
OF detection and the need of more
expensive plant. The commonest way
Of making spurious money is the turn
ing out of base metal coins-but the
operation is expensive. Silver, for in
stance, cannot be successfully cast.
Base coins with silver in them must
therefore be struck of in steel die
die representing days Of work on
the part Of an expert engraver. Then
there must be powerful press to
make the impressions, to say nothing
OF all the expenses of running chem
ical laboratory and keeping it Sc
cret.
In the counterfeiting of paper money
there are three methods used, copy
ing by hand, Photographic reproduc-
ton, and the raising Of genuine bills
from lower to higher denominations.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07
Woman Soldier Now Seeks a Pension

listment. In the excitement and
hurry Of the early days of enlist.
ment, when there were thousands Of
applicants, the disguised girl was pass
ed and found herself a member Of Col.
McCowan's regiment, the Sixty.third
infantry. She was assigned to Com.
pany G under Captain Richardson.
After drilling and being otherwise
whipped" into line, the Sixty-third
started south, anu with it went the
girl soldier. For four years she stood
the strain of army and camp life, TAX
ing her medicine" az it came to her,
and in all ways beiag treated as
were the other soldiers of the regi.
ment.
Just before the war ended the true
sex Of the young soldier became
known to a comrade, and Immediately
after being mustered out Of the serv-
ice because Of the termination Of hos
tilities. she married John Sibler, who
had served in the same company and
regiment with her throughout the
war. ,....-.
Because of her slight figure and Of
Terminate appearance Mrs. Bliss was
once chosen to masquerade" as a
woman and play the spy. This was
during the Vicksburg campaign, and
so successful was she in that role
that she gained extremely valuable in.
formation for her commanding officer
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. no other
W building in America Is so we'll po-
Iced as the White House. It takes
AZ men to do it daily. II any mis-
chievous stranger SHOULD seek en-
trance, he would not get far. Twenty
four men guard the outside of the
building and 18 the inside. Eight are
in the executive Offices. Fourteen
guard the White House within and
without at night. The number Of men
enumerated does not include the Sc
cret service men who guard tho per-
son OF the president and who are some
times In service to guard the men,
bers Of the presidents family. Every
door In the White House has its po-
1ceman constantly on guard.
There are always two in the base
ment OF the executive Offices, where
there 10 a large door leading from
the street for the reception. of sup
plies. There is always policeman at
the kitchen entrance. Two men in
livery, not policemen, guard the main
entrance into the White House at the
north poPtico. In the daytime there
Is policeman In the east room and
one each at both stairways that lead
to the private apartments of the
president and his family on the upper
floor. -.s...
There is a policeman always in the
basement, the entrance to which is
from the east wing of the mansion.
At night policeman guards the base
ment corridor of the interior, another
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07
HIS BELOVED WIVES

Ever hear of Bucklesberry?' said man from
North Carolina the other day. well, it is dis
tr1ct in Lenor county about twenty miles from
Goldsboro Twenty years ago it used to abound in
curious characters.
Almost everybody IN the neighborhood was
named Sutton. At the time of which speak
about the most representative citizen Of the com.
munity was Ben Sutton. Ben had one of the
incest, neatest little one story houses you ever
saw, and when one day met him on the road
and was invited to partake of his hospitality 1t
midday dinner l accepted with alacrity.
I'VE entered the house from the rear and al
most Immediately sat down at table that lit
orally groaned under the weight of ham and
sweet potatoes, collards, corn pone. turnips and
huckleberry pie. Ben's hospitality made him see
that got away with the whole of an enormous
second helping.
L strolled out upon the front porch after tho
meal and to my horror there stood in the yard,
just IN front OF the house. row of four handsome
tomDstones, each with a grave attached. My
most had fingered inside, SO I went out and in
spected the stones. One bore the inscription,
10 my beloved wife, ANNIE The second was,
10 my beloved wife, Kate The third read To
my beloved wife, Maggie and the fourth, To my
beloved wife, Jennie
Good heavens, have struck Bluebeardr
I exclaimed
Then looked at the dates of decease. They
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

were from two to five years apart. turned
around, and there was the present Mrs. Sutton
looking at me with smile on her face.
Look pretty. don't they? she said, You see
Ben likes to sit out here on the porch and look
at the tombstones and tell me what good wife
Annie or Kate or Maggie or Jennie was to him.
It doesn't hurt me, and he gets lots Of fun out OF
it. -.
But you can bet your sweet life there is no
place there for me. In the first place 1 made
him promise me before we were married that he
wouldn't put me there II died before him. In the
second I mean to outlive him. You see. Ben
looks pretty husky, but he is nearly 60, and / am
not yet 60
"Oh, no, don't mind the tombstones or tho
graves For one thing, they keep negroes away
from our place. You see there is the chicken
coop on one side Of the yard and the watermelon
patch on the other, and you couldt get a darky
to 30 into either after shutdown for any number
OF chickens or watermelons
The only thing mind about it is that people
try to tease me and tell me that Bens already got
my tombstone ready lettered and all. except q,
to the date of my death, but guess I'll fool them
ALL
She did, too. Poor Ben was gathered away to
her numerous predecessors within a year or two
after that. 1 have never been down in that part
OF the state since then 50 don't know what she
did with the tombstones"
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07
Uncle Sam Warns Against Mosquitoes

M AR on the mosquito as well as on
W the house fly has been declared
by the department of agriculture. AS
a dissemination Of disease the mos
quito is branded as being as great
menace to humanity as the fly. l.. o.
Howard, chief of the bureau of ento-
mology, has issued bulletin on the
protection of communities from mos
Quitoes. He lays stress on the ne
cessity of abolishing breeding places
of the insect pest.
where the rain barrel and rain wa
ter tank are necessary they should be
screened. The waste places In the
immediate vicinity Of house should
be carefully searched for tin cans, bot
ties and wooden or tin boxes in which
water can accumulate. and all such
receptacles should be destroyed or car
ried away. The roof cutters should
be carefully examined to make sure
that they are not clogged 80 as to al
low the water to accumulate.
"The chicken pans in the poultry
yard, the water In the troughs for do
nestle animals, the water cup Of the
e.tnAstone are oil places In which
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

NJ OF many men have had the varied
" and adventurous life led by Mrs.
Louise E. Bliss of Sheridan, Wyo., who
has just applied for pension on the
grounds that, dressed as man, she
served four years in the federal army
as member of Company q, Sixty
third infantry, from Illinois, from 1861
to 1866. Mrs. Bliss is now an old
woman, with white hair and wrinkled
face, and is almost destitute. In one
cheek she bears the scar left by a bull
let fred at Vicksburg: long cash
across the upper left arm is a me-
mento Of Corinth and Confederate
oaber.
According to the story told by Mrs.
Bliss to the pension agent. and
sworn to by her, she was living In
Illinois at Jonesboro, when the war
broke out. She was enthusiastic and
patriotic and wanted to Join the army,
but Of course could not do 80 in skirts.
So she cut of her hair, obtained suit
Of mems clothing and applied for en-.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

cable from Muscat to Jask and land wire from
the latter to Charbar
Life on board ship is monotonous, broken only
by the occasional boarding of dhow and the
disappointment of finding cargo no more harm.
full than dates! Mails fortunately are regular,
they arrive weekly from Bombay, and the mail
steamers are constantly bringing stores and fruit
for the feet. Fruit is literally served as pos.
sible preventive OF beri-beri Leave to the ships
companies is rare whilst in the gulf, but occa'
sional parties landed. Should the fish be
shy one may walk inland with gun and bring
down bird or two
The season" is now commencing and with q
concentration in the gulf Of all available ships it
is hoped that during the next few months the
traffic in arms will be brought to standstill.
Early in October the Persian authorities at
Lnga appealed to the senior officer of the block
aiding squadron for protection. Information had
reached the Persians that brigands were march
ing to attack the town. Marines and bluejackets
were landed and proceeded to mount guns for the
protection Of the town. To make certain Of their
cash the customs officers brought their bags OF
gold on board H. NJ. s. Fox.
An incident with distinctly humorous side
enlivened subsequent proceedings, and something
OF the kind was badly needed because the enemy
did not materialize The pirate-brigand Sheikh
Mazkur had heard of the Persians difficulty and
hurried to their assistance" Seventy miles from
Linga Mazkur landed. presumably to do little
raiding on his own account Leaving his three
dhowA anchored, he plunged inland. While alb
sent H. N. 8. Odin came along and seized the
three dhows. which were towed to Lnga There
it was discovered that Mazkur had, some time
ago, taken Of the dhows from some Persians,
to whom is was returned The other two dhows
were we'll saturated with kerosene and burned
off the town as warning to any persons who
contemplated following the example Of the sheikh.
When the flames had attained good hold a bag
Of powder on one of the dhows exploded. send.
ing up beautiful column Of white smoke
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

these pests of mosquitoes will breed.
I'm slightly marshy ground a favor
tie breeding place is the footprints Of
cattle and horses. In one country
village. which contains many small
vegetable gardens in clay soil, during
a rainy season mosquitoes were found
breeding abundantly in the water &C.
cumulating in the furrows.
Even in the house these mosqui.
toes breed in many places. Where the
water In flower vases il not frequently
changed mosquitoes will breed. They
will breed in water pitchers in unused
guest rooms. Public dumps are great
breeding places, because here accumu.
late old bottles. cans. boxes, bits Of
tin or iron vessels and other objects
IN which water may accumulate fee )
time" 81
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

must make the best of it until their ship comes
round again to revictual them. The three-mile
rule does not obtain on the Persiaa side end q
dhow may be destroyed on the beach if she S>s
carried arms and the arms may be followed up
by landing party if necessary Few dhows sue
coed In getting across with arms, and the num-
bev which attempt the passage is growing beau
tifully less Still the blockade must not be re-
laxed
The wireless station at Jask is of great inter
est, having been recently erected by the Indian
government inside a concession obtained from
Persia. 1t 10 the "bete noire" Of the Afghans as
it betrays all their doings and they have threat
ened it with destruction It IL guarded by a de-
tachment Of indian troops and surrounded by
wire entanglements and earthworks. There is
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07
NEW UNF CA,2 j/NE

and water bottle as compared with
the old equipment showing how the
mans chest was bound in by straps
and suspenders. Everything is now
lighter; the fighting and comfort
equipments are separated from one
another and easily detached. Rear
views of the new and the old equip
ments are also shown. The new:
equipment shows the pack with the
bayonet on the left. also the shovel.
canteen, and condiment can, as COM
pared with the old, showing how the
bulkier weight Topped against the
back and pelvis, thus unduly and too
quickly fatiguing the soldier.
Most of this great relief to the
United States soldier who fights on
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07
The White House Is Closely Guarded

the corridor of the main floor and an
other the corridor Of the upper private
floor.
Outside there is constant vigilance
in front and in the rear. IL the White
House may be conceived as having
any rear. The south front is as beau.
tiful as the north front and indeed
more 80. A policeman is always on
guard at the south porttco, and espe-
cially so at night. One parades with
the regularity Of a sentryman tho
half covered corridor leading from
the White House to tho executive Of
fees.
That the White House should have
to be thus carefully guarded may seem
strange to Americans whose chief ex-
ecutive is after all only a democrat
who is citizen temporarily, holding
a high public Office. But 1t is neces-
sary. Three Presidents have been
assassinated, although none ever at
the White House. 1t would seem
none ever could be because of the
vigilance kept there. But a fierce
light plays upon the White House and
the occupants of 1t, especially the
president. It attracts all kinds of
people, and cranks are ever danger
Gus. Many is the one apprehended
before he has gone far. And in this
land Of liberty there are also other
people who have dangerous ideas cen
tering on the life of the chief mag
istrate.
Besides, Americans, and especially
American women are very inquisitive
and given much to vandalism. They
come in shoals to Washington, and
their first thought is the White House.
They want to inspect 1t from bottom
to top. They want to miss nothing,
and many of them would like to take
away mementoes. Their audacity and
lack of manners and observance OF
other prophecies is amazing.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07
Joke Made His Credit Good.

To illustrate the fact that some per
sons are devoid Of sense Of humor.
this story, according to the New Yorl
Tribune, was told at downtown lun:
chson club: Il forgot to pay my news.
boy last night and when saw him
this morning gave him the five cents
due him and said: I thought every
minute last night you'd send collec.
tor for this 'Naw-not on your life;
not II you owed me twicst as much
An hour later the boy came to my Of.
nee, where he had never been before,
waited for me, and when came, said:
Say, I'm awful sorry you thought I
was sore about de nickel. Ye needn't
pay me never till We want to, and
about sendin' for ink I thanked
him. and now. for trying to crack I
joke. I have secured long line q
credit ... y
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07
Novel Marriage Ceremony

Every one acknowledges the nerve
and daring of the automobile racing
mechanician, but just at present the
palm must be awarded to a Nebras-
kan. Orrin A. Curtis. employed as me-
chanician in q garage In Davis City,
Neb. In nix cylinder. so horse
power car, and with Miss Lillian p,
McCracksn - his driver" Curtis
threw on his high" one evening re-
comfy and AtaTtaA ~ \ Journey that
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

it was somewhere on, the high road
between David City and Foley, and
Rev. Cleveland Kleibauer declared
he neveg had made better job on
terra f1Sha, despite the fact that the
charming bride was hanging onto his
left arm most Of the time and the best
man butted him twice in the right ear
and the groom stumbled on to his
corns with each lurch Of tho whizzing.
zfgzagging car.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

may end only with death.
Until death doth part" read Rev.
Cleveland Kleibauer, az he stood
IN the tonneau Of the swaying car and
pronounced Orrin A. and Lillian p.
man and wife, with another young
couple AZ witnesses.
Tho young people never will b able
to tell exactly where they were mar
ried. because they were going at some.
thing Ike 30 miles An hour. But
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

they had permitted her to 60 to hin
after the operation, n shall not n
cover. They think I win, but they an
mistaken. / feel it I am going 4
die"
mo, no, John!" she cried. "Doue
say that! You mustn't die! haven't
q thing that IL at to wear to q n
neral."-Judge.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07

foot is due to the untiring efforts d
the officers who make up the United
State Infantry Association which was
organized some years ago. Its prest
dent is Lieut. General John c. Bates
BEgadier.General Clarence r. Ed
wards is vice-president, and Majol
George H. Shelton is secretary and
treasurer.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-06-07
Not Jacks View, However.

Not Jacks View, However.
Marks-Jack married al heirosa
but he says she won't Let Nm have
any money to spend. = s.
So Ps.rks-Lucky dog! He uqa1}o4 ~
only rich wife, but d. 5 lss1a
o0o. q ,5.5s9' S