The weekly Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1911-1922, 1911-05-04

"PY jove," said the first man.
II "but women are curious crea-
lures, and the more you study them,
the less you understand them.
After a man has been married 20
or 80 years, he begins to find this
out, and that a woman doesn't work
from cause to effect, but from effect
guess the riddle, and accepts his wife
as she is, because she is as she is.
But his past experiences do not
throw any light on the present, or. il
Illuminate the future. or erect any
guide posts that keep him from max
ing mistakes, and stumbling into the
pitfalls of matrimony.
Perhaps one of the reasons why
there is so much divorce is because
men never get a real tip on how to
manage women. They always blunder.
even when their intentions are best.
Now take a woman's attitude on
the gift question for instance. That is
one of the great mysteries of feminine
psychology with which the mere mas
culine intellect is utterly unable to
cope. although millions of men collide
with it every day OF the year, and do
their humble best to solve it.
"Of course, it doesn't take a man
long to find out, after he Is married,
that all sorts of anniversaries are sa-
cred with woman, and that her ideal
Of a perfect husband is a man who
always boba up with present on her
birthday, and who never forgets to
send her bunch OF flowers and box
Of candy OFT the anniversary of the
day he first saw her, and the auspic-
ious day when she promised to be
his.
IF man will observe an anniver-
sary without growing. and act as if
he really enjoyed 1t, his wife accounts
it unto him fur righteousness. II he
will remember an anniversary him
self, and not have to be reminded of
1t, it is like the mantle of charity that
covers a multitude Of sins; and she
will forgive him for pretty nearly
anything else that he does in the way
Of sidestepping, for the sake of this
virtue that is so unaccountably dear
to her.
NO man can comprehend the why
or the whereforeness Of this feminine
worship of anniversaries; but. having
once grasped the TACT that he can
make his wife happy by bestowing
upon her posie or . trinket, man is
poor sort of husband who will not
take the trouble to mark OF his wife's
fete days on the calendar, and appro-
priately observe them.
THAT sounds easy, but find that
the carrying out Of the program is be-
set with unexpected complications,
among which | am dead certain to
come to grief.
For in buying your wife a present
there are almost insuperable Difficult
ties because, in the FIRST place, it must
be surprise; and, In the second
place, it must be exactly what she
wants; and, in the third place, 1t must
be something that You can't possibly
afford; and, in the fourth place, il
must square with her idea of rigid
economy
And to fulfill all OF these qualities
requires more of mind reader than
the average man is.
Il speak with FEELING on the sub
ject, for l have just been through a
narrowing experience.
MY wife's birthday was approach
ing. and the portentous problem OF
her birthday present doomed large Or
the horizon. With deep guile | list
ened attentively TO her conversation
to see if she would not drop some
hint as to something she particularly
wanted. Being good wifa. and wish
ing to help me out she discoursed con
corning dinner rings, from which in
ferred that one of those soup plate af
fairs was the desire Of her heart.
ITO my CONSERVATION / found out
that it took four hundred good hard
plunks to buy even fairly nice one
could i'll afford to spend SO much
money, but / reflected on what a good
lhQCSIllOuS, SSOuOhiSdi Wis NY MAIL
was. and how often she had worn her
old suit in order that might have a
new one. and how accompanying ant
generous she had been about every
thing. and so l dug down into my lit
tie bank account and came across
with the price of good ring from one
of the best stores.
well, the gift was bowling sue
cess-at first. My wife got up in the
night to take another look at it. She
showed it to her family. and all the
neighbors, and was as happy over it as
kid with red sled.
THAT lasted about two days.
Then she began worrying about
something. She wanted to know the
price Of the ring, and though heaven
knows should have known better, j
let her worm it out of me that / had
paid four hundred dollars for it at
Stiffinay's.
"Then-Wow! Bloody murder!I
Four hundred dollars! The very
idea! She had seen one just like II
at q marked down bargain sale of jew
elry, In q department store, that they
only asked two hundred for.
-Four hundred dollars, for a ring,
and people in our circumstances. We
will Land in the poorhouse sure; ETC.,
etc ofcs and fhen n 6fod of foara