davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-10-16
GETS THIRTY DAYS.

William Mcdonald, a cripple, got
thirty days as his portion when ar
raigned this morning before Justice Of
the Peace Funkey i'm Hancock, on a
charge Of destroying property and mis-
using a horse. Mcdonald engaged a
horse and buggy from the O'Neiu liv-
cry and drove to Dollar Bay, where he
left the horse and the broken buggy
and harness. He claimed he was run
into by an automobile but appearances
Indicated William had bun" on and
had been incapable of driving prop
erly.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-10-16
THREE HANCOCK FUNERALS.
Remains IF Recently Deceased Resi-
dents are Laid at Rest.

The funeral of the late Mrs. Paul II.
Exley. who died suddenly Thursday
night. was held yesterday afternoon,
services being conducted by Rev. G.
Traub. pastor of the German Lutheran
church. Interment took place at the
Forest Hin cemetery, Houghton, and
the remains were followed to the grave
by a large cortege Of friends and ac-
quaintances.
The funeral of the late Peter Fabbri
Of Franklin, who was accidentally
killed Friday night at the Pewabic
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-10-16
M. c. M. FRESHMEN WIN.
First Basketball Game at Mining
School Lost by Sophomores.

The freshmen's basketball team OF
the Michigan College of Mines won
from the Sophomores Saturday even
ming al the gymnasium by the score
of % to 10. The freshmen lead from
the start leading at the end of the first
half with the score OF II to T. Gibbs
made three goals; Anderson. 3; Dem
pry, 3; Sophomores- Perkins, 2; Sparks
3; Rowell, 2; free throws, Dempry,
Freshmen Z; Sparks, Sophomores, 8.
A smoker followed the conclusion of
the game at which President McNair
and Enoch Henderson, the latter of the
class Of 1906, made brief addresses.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-10-16
GoInu Un Aloft.

A woman nine feet in height has felt
obliged to consult a specialist in dis.
eases Of the heart. Can you picture
that specialist, with stethoscope in
hand, going up a stepladder?-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-10-16
Conquer self.pistrust.

Self-dlstrust is the cause OF most OF
our failures In the assurance OF
strength there is strength, and they
are the weakest. however strong. who
have no faith in themselves or their
powers.-Bovee.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-10-16
FRANKLIN MAN PASSES.

Charles Karvela, aged about 30 years.
a resident OF Franklin, passed away
last evening at the Houghton County
tuberculosis Sanitarum, where he had
been a patient for some time. The de-
cedent is survived by one brother and
one sister at the Franklin location. No
funeral arrangements have been made
so Ear.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-10-16
ne DIV % Dan.

Under curious circumstances Fran
cisco Pradillo. a tifteen-year-old shep.
herd. Of Seville, Spain. lost his life
lately He was running from an an.
CRY bull. and climbed an electric stan.
dard to escape He touched a live
wire and fell dead on the horns OF
the bull.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-10-16
LADIES' ORCHESTRA.
To Entertain at Lake Linden Theater
This Evening.

To Entertain at Lake Linden Theater
This Evening.
The Chicago Ladies' Orchestra viii
be the attraction at the Lake Linden
theater this evening. the Offering being
Shore Lyceum Bureau. The entertain
ment viii begin at $3.50 O'Clock. The
orchestra is one of the best musical
attractions that has ever been secur-
ed for the Torch Lake towns and UNI
doubtediy will bring out a large at
tendance.
The Copper Range will run a special
train tomorrow evening for the bene-
tit of those who desire TO attend the
Alice Nelson grand opera concert at
the Amphidrome.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-10-16

The infant child of Mr. and Mrs. Ar
iniGto Bolana of Franklin died last
evening. The funeral services will be
conducted tomorrow morning with in
terment at the Old Catholic cemetery
Of Hancock.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
An UndefinabIe Definition.

A few days after school opened IN
the spring a teacher in a Brooklyn.
school was testing the members OF
one of her old classes on what they
had remembered of the definition she
had taught them during the preceding
term. Finally she asked the bright
boy of the class this question:
Now, Robert, tell me what a hypo
critic is?"
"a hypocrite," replied Robert with
out hesitation, "is a kid wat comes to
school wit a smile on his mug"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
EVIDENTLY SHE WAS ANNOYED
Good Wlfe's Punishment, Intended for
Husband, Poor Compensation
90 ReViVaIist.

A popular reviva1ist had been hold
ing services at a town in Mississippi
when a heavy rain came on, and he
accepted an invitation to pass the
night at the house OF one OF the
townsmen. Observing the preachers
drenched clothing, the host brought
out a suit Of his own and sent his
guest upstairs to don it.
The good man had made the change
ard was On his way back to the sit
ting room, when the woman of the
house came out of another room, hold
ing In her hands the big family Bible,
out OF which the minister was to be
invited to hear a chapter before the
family went to bed.
She was not, however, IN a very
amiable frame of mind, for careful
housewives are likely to be put out
of sorts by the advent of unexpected
company. Seeing the r~evivalist in his
borrowed garments, she mistook him
for her husband, and as he passed in
front Of her she lifted the book and
brought it down sharply on his head.
"There!" she exclaimed. Take
that for asking him to stay all night"
night!"-Lippincott's Magazine.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

butter with n apple to the gallon
of butter and at a cost Of %one-fourth
the real article.
A man in Rochester, N. Y, devel-
oped a plan of treating sawdust with
molasses to use in adulterating spices.
One part Of the real spice and three
parts of sawdust made the product,
which could not be detected by the
eye or tongue.
Frauds in f%avoring extracts n
maple syrup have been common. A
Vermont man has offered a recipe to
grocers so that they can make the
maple syrup they purchase into an
adulterated product, three gallons Of
fraudulent syrup to one-half gallon
of the real syrup.
There are numerous other schemes
for increasing the weight of parched
coffee, preserving eggs, useless bak
ing powders, making mincemeat and
tomato catsup at reduced cost by
using little meat or tomatoes: The
grocer, to get the recipes, must pay
for them. The price is usually $40
and a pledge to secrecy.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

VIZ ASHINGTON-Every crank in
Wv the country that doesn't know
what fool thing to do with himself
gets on the train and tells the con-
ductor to put hin off at Washington
thinks he must see the president.
If the wheels in the head of some
lunatic in Bangor, Ne, or Tombstone,
Ariz., get to working overtime he
heads for Washington to show the
president the mechanism. If some
l~ong-haired lunatic in Oshkosh builds
a w~heelbarrow out of a soap box and
a sitter rim he won't be happy till
he's trundled it cross country to
Washington and has the president
come out on the front porch and look
at 1t.
Every summer, before the presi-
dent leaves, there's a perfect deluge
of cranks that have ridden horseback
from Dawson City or driven an OK
team from some town out beyond the
Rockies, says a White house attache.
Recently we had two of these dots
in one day-three, to be exact. One
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
Sufficient

Having vouched for the honesty Of
the woman who wished a situation as
scrub-woman the good-natured man
was subjected to a severe examina-
ton by the superintendent Of the
building.
There are degrees Of honesty"
said the superintendent. "How hon
est is she?"
The good-natured man reflected.
We'll" said he, I'll tell you. She
is so honest that if you throw any
thing that looks to be worth a copper
into the waste basket you have to
tag it Destroy this n she will fish
it our and put it back on your desk
night after night, no matter how
badly wou want to get rid Of it. I
don't know hat I can say anything
more"
mo more is necessary" said the
superintendent, and he proceeded to
hire the m
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
New Senators Laugh at Silence Rule

LII the new members of the senate
"A seem to have lit a talkin'," as the
southern m-ountaineers say of a gar
rulous stranger with a ready flow of
conversation. In other days it was
considered the proper thing for a new
senator to sit in silence through his
first term of six years.
1t is only a few years since a lot
of precedent-bound senatorial digni-
taries expressed heir indignation at
tie intrusion of new members by
walking out of the senate chamber
when Beverage began to talk q few
days after taking his seat The same
treatment vas given La Toilette, who
remarked IS the coat tails of his
colleagues vanished through the door
that they would come back and lis
ten, and that he probably would be
in the senate when most of them had
been retired.
OF the recently elected members
OF the senate, many are young men.
caring little for Anticipated traditions.
Luke Lea Of Tennessee. thirty-two
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
Scurrying Little Senate Messengers

session or not. The pages are never
removed on account Of politics. The
boys of the senate wear knee
breeches, heat little round-abOuts, silk
stockings and w~ell-polished shoes.
Their faces and hands are clean, their
hair carefully brushed and each one
of them looks as if he had just come
out of a bandboX. The duties OF a
page today are substantially the
same as were required at the begin
ming of the government.
Sometimes the boys are not dis
missed when they reach the age
limit. Exceptionally bright pages
have been retained as riding pages,
whose duty 1t 10 to carry messages
for senators to executive departments
and to all points in the national CAPT,
tai. Others have been promoted to
the position of deputy sergeant-at-
arms of the senate. or as superin-
tendent of pages on the Democratic
or Republican side Of the senate. The
boys attend night school and by
listening to debates and by reading
the congressional record are receiving
~educations on national affairs and on
economics such an no university in
the world could afford to provide for
its students.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
Inspectors Are Busy Watching Frauds

THE efforts Of h government and
4 the various states to provide pure
food for the people Of the country
has brought about a higher quality OF
foodstuffs, but 1t has not deferred the
inventive genius of the country from
trying to work out schemes for sub
s~titutes and deliberations
State food and drug inspectors re-
ceive scores of letters and circulars
from alleged chemists and get-rich-
quick men who would make grocers
and butchers their tools.
Probably the worst adulteration
that has come t the attention of the
department is a butter emulsion
which will cause the butter TO absorb
its exact weight in water and still
prevent the butter eaters knowing it.
Take a pound of butter and a pound
sOf water and a spoonful Of this emul-
sion, work the three together for
about ten minutes, and there is two
pounds of butter and no water. The
average housewife could not tell the
difference between this watered but
ter and the real article.
A man in Tennessee has developed
"a scheme by which he can make a
pure apple cider vinegar at an actual
cost or our cents a gallon, and using
one apple for each gallon. The fraud
could not be detected except by an
also has a scheme for making apple
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
To Laugh at Tuberculosis.

Much ignorance prevails among the
unfortunate victims of tuberculosis
and families of these unfortunates,
according to the Los Angeles Herald,
For such as these the words spoken
by Adolphus Knopf should be chiseled
in imperishable granite. Or, better
still, they should be published in ev-
cry public print, viz: There is no
such thing as hereditary tuberculosis.
The remedy is simple and all should
know 1t. It is one Of the most easily
durable of all the chronic infectious
diseases. You can ure consumption
by the unstinted use OF Gods good
fresh air, t~wenty-four hours in twenty
four, plenty of good food and plenty
of good water, inside and out. You
all know that cleanliness is next to
goodness. Children should get all
the fresh air possible. They should
sleep and play in the optn air. They
should attend open-air schools"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
BaffIinu the MOSQUITO,

Last summer we were pestered with
the awful nuisance, mosquitoes, night
after night, and on one occasion
killed between thirty and forty in our
bedroom, at midnight. The following
day took a wooden cloth, put a little
kerosene oil on it, and rubbed both
sides of the wire mesh of the screens
with it. That night one lonely mos
quito disturbed u rest. Two or
three times each week 1 rubbed the
screens in like manner, and we en-
toyed peace the rest of the summer.
The odor from the oil remains only a
few minutes, and the oil itself pre-
serves the screens and keeps away
fies.-Good Housekeeping Magazine.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
NOTHING BUT AN AMATEUR
Fair DamseI's Objections That Re-
VeaIed CalIoW Lover in His
True Light.

do you really and truly think 1
am beautiful?" she asked.
You are simply divine" he re-
piled.
But there are other girls whom
you think more beautiful than l."
mo, l don't think there is a O
beautiful girl in the world than you"
There are other girls you think
are just as beautiful, though"
You are more beautiful than an
other girl I eve saw"
81 suppose there are plenty of
girls whom you consider almost as
beautiful as I am"
q" think you are far beauti-
full than any other girl that ever
breathed."
well, why didn't you say that in
the first placer"
THAT was what I meant, if l didn't
exactly say So"
90, well, go on. MY goodness!
Must l suggest everything nice that
you say to me?"
What more can I say?"
"Heavens! I'm not going to sit here
giving you lessons. I thought the
way o started out that you had
made love BEFORE"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
Exhibition of Real Faith.

William Spills little girl, who had
been playing at making mud pies,
aided by a tiny sprinkling can for a
reservoir, ran to her father as he
alighted from a car, bearing a pack
age of dry-cleaned wearing apparel.
Pointing to her muddy little boots
Father Spill admonished his tiny
daughter, impressing her with the
value of a neat appearance.
That night the young lady offered
her usual prayer with great earnest
ness. And don't forget, dear Lord"
she prayer fervently, ito dry-clean
our street, and my shoes, for Jesus
sake, amen!"-Cleveland Leader.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

VISITORS in the galleries Of the SEN
ate chamber are always interest
ed in the bright little messengers who
scurry about bent on errands for the
senators. These pages live officially
in an age limit. They must be no less
than twelve nor more than sixteen
years old His seventeenth birthday
is usually a sorry day for the page
boy for it may be long before he can
have so good an income; certainly
many years before he ear earn so
much with so little physical and
mental effort.
The boys are employed during the
sessions of the senate a $3.50 a day;
and that means 80 or 81 days a
month, whether the senate is in ses-
sion every day or not. There are now
fourteen pages on the floor of the
senate, and -four riding pages. The
latter receive $3.50 a year, their pay
going op whether the senate is in
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

years old, and the youngest man ever
seated in the senate, began talking
soon after taking the oath of
office and has on several occasions
notified his colleagues that when ira
ditiOns of the senate and business
methods conflict the traditions will
be ignored. Senator Kenyon Of Iowa
is not much older and is a ready and
aggressive talker. with no disposition
whatever to play a thinking par
through six years.
Senator Pomerene of Ohio relieved
himself Of a speech within a few
weeks after taking his seat, and Sena-
tors Williams. Works and Hitchcock
are all laxative new members
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
In the Church Militant.

Henry N. Clay, the secretary of the
Chicago Publishers association, has a
negro cook he took with him to Chi
cago from ST. Louis. The cook is
very religious and Immediately joined
a church in Chicago.
Cary saw the cook going out of the
house one evening with a large cary
ing knife in her hand.
Where are you going, Mary?" he
asked.
Use gwine t. church."
well, what are you doing with that
knife?"
'They's a religious dispute goin' on
down there" said Mary, IAN 1 wanter
see my side gifts de best of it."-Sat-
urday Evening Post.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
Leavino Him at Sea.

Gould you do something for a poor
old sailor?" asked the seedy-looking
wanderer at the gate.
Poor old sailor" echoed the lady
at work at the tub.
"Yes'm, 1 follered the VOTER for 10
years"
WELL" said the woman, after n
critical look, you certainly don't look
as if you ever caught up with it."
Then she resumed her labors.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
RiStresSind.

Here is the account Of a poor wo-
mar who lost both arms in a railroad
wreck"
ct must be dreadful to go through
lite without any arms"
YES, indeed. And much worse for
a woman than for a man."
How is that?"
"Wen, q woman without any arms
can't reach around to feel If the back
of her collar and the back of her belt
are all right"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
Washington Has a Plague of Cranks

was a man riding a burro from San
Diego to Boston on a bet. and The
other two were a man and his wife
from some insane place out west
They had sworn on the bones OF the
saints or something that they would
walk into every state in the Union
within a twelvemonth; they a al
ready been in seventeen, and, having
thus acquired fame, came to Washing
ton to show themselves to the pres1-
dent.
Then there's the lunatic who tramps
across country on a wager that he can
go from ocean to ocean on a dollar
and th~irty-seven cents. There must
be a hundred of him every year, and
he generally brings a letter to the
president from the mayor of the little
town he comes from. And these
are Just a few Of them; If I'd put
down the names of ill this breed OF
cranks that turn up here to see the
president in six months 1t would be
longer than the list of applicants for
a vacant consulship. The trouble is,
the president, in many instances.
cant get out of seeing the crank.
With the cunning Of n of his kind.
he generally goe straight to n or
the local papers. The paper K
him up, prints his photograph and
publishes his vain-glorious interview
about his eccentricities.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
Went Up Twenty Points.

During the recent hot spell a broker
was complaining to a friend of the
dull trading. Business" he said.
What can one do in the way Of bust
ness with the mercury standing at
$1O0?"
DOT" replied his friend. Great
Scott, man, it's the chance of a life
time to sell Mercury!"-Boston Even
ing Transcript.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
TruthfuIlY Said.

my friend, you should join the
church. AS the prophet says Come
thou with US and we will do thee
good"
You have already, parson. I vas
at your church fair last night."-Smart
Set Magazine.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
Time to Reorqaniza.

81 asked her to marry me; and she
gave me a supreme court answer"
"What kind of an answer is THAR"
said she would give me six months
to readjust myself so as to be accept
able."-Puck.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
The Ground Of Their Love.

Let US have peace" said the Eng
Itch invader. Can you not see that
the white strangers love the redmea?"
"Ah, yes" replied the intelligent In
dian, they love the very ground we
walk upon.'-Sacred Heart Review.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

The worst thing about having money
is the way everybody worries for
fear he won't be able to prevent you
from keeping 1t.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
Consolation,

Knicker-My wife is always praising
the men she rejected for me.
Bocker-Never mind; she will praise
you to her second husband.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
lmmortalifN-

Speaking of immortality, what's the
matter with the hen?"
Go n"
Her son never SETS"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

dies have done for
me. For two a
I suffered The doc
said I had tu-
ors and the only
remedy was the sur
geon's knife. My
mother bought me
Lydia e. Pinkham'S
Vegetable Com
pound, and today I
am a healthy wo-
a For months
/ suffered o in
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
Patient Creditors.

Gibbs-Do you ever think of the
debts you owe your ancestors?"
Dibbs-No; they are not pushing me
like my tailor and grocer.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
USE ALLEN,s FOOT-EASE

- 4AA 1A
the Antiseptic powder to be shaken into the shoes
for tired, aching feet. 1t takes the sting out of corns
and bunions and makes walking a delight. Sold
2c. Refuse substitutes. For FREE
trial package, address A. s. Olmsted, LIE Roy, ny.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

Mrs. Wmslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces inhamma-
ton, allays pain, cures wind collie. Csc a bottle.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
He'd Get II.

HOWELL want to get all that's COM
ing to me.
Powell-Well, stand right where you
are; there'n be an automobile along in
y minute or two.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

A young man, who had not been
married long, remarked at the dinner
table the other day:
My dear, l wish you could make
bread such as mother used to make"
The bride smiled and answered in a
voice that did not tremble:
We'll, dear, 1 wish you could make
the dough that father used to make"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

Instrumental music is sometimes
only instrumental in making the eO-
pie next door move.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18
An Intanuible LEGACY

81 run heah, Liza, lat yo' Aunt Je.
rusha dun meek 20 her heir by Dc
law. What yo' dun get?"
"Des 'zactly what l dun ct up am
wore out-"-Success Magazine.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

The art is to bring the state Of
mind bred Of large thinking into the
routine Of Iife.-N. S. Shaler.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

Hold fast to the highest ideals that
fash upon your vision in hours Of
exaltation.-Frances G. Willard.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

TO DRIVE OUT MALARIA
AND BUILD UP II q
Take the Old Standard GROVES TASTHLBSS
CHILL TONIC. You know what you are taking
ThS fOET n e . is PlE7i6DI Hin RF5tn sHa On PPo1 e39 e battle 20 asse
less form. The Quinine drives out the malaria
dealers for 90 years Price SO cents.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

1ammat1on, and yourSanative Wash re-
ieved me. Your Liver Pills have no
equal as a cathartic. Any one wishing
proof Of what your medicines have
done for me can get it from any drug
gist or by writing to me. You can S
my testimonial in any way you wish,
and Twill be glad to answer letters."-
Mrs. CHRISTINA REED. 1O5 Mound ST.,
Peoria, Ill.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

More Than That.
did they water the stock?"
"They fairly turned the hose ON It"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1911-08-18

FROM AN
OPERATION
By Lydia e. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound

Peoria, m.-'I wish to let every one
know what LYDIA e. Pinkham'S rene