The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1911-07-20
HOW HE WAS
EXECUTED
By OSCAR cox
Copyright by American Press Assoc
citation, 1911.
By OSCAR cox

Ava ~ eoot uOTu. TdtIle. UFuLus
In his ear and he will shoot down
his fellow beings with great zest. But
try to make him kill even one Of them
In cold blood. then you will see what
difficult matter it is
There was once a kingdom not as
big as Monaco. and that is small
enough in all conscience. Little Some
shon was but five miles in circumfer-
enee. Yet 1t was a perfect kingdom.
for King Shandigrab was a real royal
parsonage. five feet high. Eve feet
around the girth and wore a crown
that weighed pretty nearly as much
as himself. He had cabinet, masters
of the robes and hounds and courtiers
galore. There were 5000 commoners,
with a number of horses. mules. cats
and other animals. The general of the
army Of forty men (mostly effectives)
was terrible fellow. with fierce mus
tachios as pointed as his sword
But the army and the general were
both for show. for the kingdom was
under the protection of it's neighbor,
the emperor of HoIlibag. who had been
paying 1t stated sum ever since the
principal part Of the territory had been
Topped off many centuries before for
the benefit Of the empire. Besides.
the little Sonneshons were the most
peaceful people in the world. So ten
der hearted were they that once when
mosquito few over there from what
is now New Jersey they refrained from
killing 1t. SO that 1t planted all the
pools with mosquitoes.
Nevertheless there was once MUIR
der committed In the kingdom by
man named Hans Gotterman. But
that was an exceptional case, for he
killed his wife. who was nagger.
Perhaps for this extraordinary incite-
ment to murder he might have gone
scot free had he not been lazy and
generally worthless. So he was con-
victed and sentenced to have his head
chopped off.
But here arose a difficulty. There
was a royal executioner. but. like the
general of the army. he was for show.
He wore tights. mask and all that,
constantly carrying an ak on his
shoulder. But the ak was wooden and
its bearer so tender hearted that when
wife was obliged to cut of It's head.
At meeting Of the cabinet the
matter Of Hans Gotterman was dis
cussed. and 1t was agreed that the
royal executioner wouldn't do for the
job at all. So 1t was decided to send
a request to the emperor of Hollibag
for the loan of his headsman. Unfor
tunately there had been a revolution
In the empire. and the royal execu-
toner was so busy cutting off the
heads of rebels that he could not be
spared
At another meeting of the cabinet it
was decided to offer q hundred pieces
of gold to whomsoever would execute
the murderer. The offer was posted
everywhere throughout the kingdom.
and the king and his cabinet waited
for some one to step forward. accept
it and put an end to Gotterman. But
no one was willing to kill man at
the price, and as no other expedient
was suggested Gotterman still lived.
One day a mosquito bit him and i'm
pregnated him with bacteria that
caused q terrible fever. The court
waited expectantly. thinking the man
would die. but he disappointed them
by getting well. and since 1t cost con-
siderable to keep him the cabinet de-
cided to let him out on his promise to
return when an executiOner could be
found to behead him. He rather OBJ
jected to this, but his keeper stopped
his food and thus forced compliance.
Every few days he would pretend he
had heard that an executiOner had ar
rived and 60 back to the Jail. demand
ing food ad interim. Thus he got to
be an insufferable bore. No one could
be found to kill him, he wouldn't die.
One day 1t was reported to the king
that fifty coal miners had been buried
In q mine These were citizens the
state could not afford to lose. The
cabinet ordered q hundred men col
lected at great expense to dig the min
ers out They dug month. when one
day. hearing voice. they made their
way with pick and shovel toward the
sound After several days hard work
they broke into compartment and
there found Gotterman.
He said he had gone into the mine
for work. but when asked how he had
lived so long without food pointed to
fifty empty dinner pals. He had gone
into the place where the entombed men
had placed their dinners. None of the
laborers was ever got out alive. Got
terman alone survived the catastrophe.
The king was much incensed when
he heard the story Of Gotterman's res
cue and renewed his efforts among the
neighboring states for the loan OF an
executioner. but without success Then
came written offer from the murder
er to cut his own head Off for the prom
Used reward The cabinet could not ac-
cept It. because there was law OF
the kingdom against suicide.