The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-09-19
The 1911 Fable Of the Collision Between Steve and the Sumptuary

that would hold down a Lid, there lived
a bIue-eyed Gazook named Steve.
We refer to the juicy Period preceding
the Cpltft. when Gov. Hughes was still
in Il Prep School and the Candidate wear
ing the largest collar was the People 5
Choice for Alderman.
The State Senator with a noble Consst-
uency of Guineas. Wops and Hunyaks uSu-
ally conducted a Wood Alcohol Empi-
rum, with a Hop Joint below, a Honka-
tonk i'll the rear and a Crap Game up
stairs. A Cop stood outside to beat up
any one who made q Beller.
A Good Citizen wishing to open Il Muir
der Parlor needed a couple of Black Bot
ties, a Barrel of Sawdust and a Pull at
the City Hall.
When he opened up, he threw the Key
in the River and arranged to have the
Bodies taken out through the Alley SO as
not to impede Traffic in the Main Thor
oughfares. All of which came under the
Head of Personal Liberty.
Twelve months every Year marked the
Open Season for every Game from Pitch
and-Toss to Manslaughter.
Getting down a Bet on the Ponies was
attended with the same Difficulty that
would now be experienced in purchasing
a Red Hot at Coney Island. but it did not
take as long. because there was no Mus
tard to be applied.
Any one in search Of Diversion could
roll Kelly Pool at 10 Cents a Cue in the
Morning, go to the Track in the After
noon, take in a 20-round Scrap in the
Evening and then Shoot at the Wheel a
lew IlLTCS ~ coShAhe 49, ~ 4 Ao0s
The Police were instructed to make sure
that all Push-Cart Peddlers were properly
Licensed.
Steve roamed the Wide-Open Town and
spread his Bets both ways from the
Jack.
When he cut the String and began to
cept the Milky Way. Any time he rolled
them, you could hear some Rumble.
All the Bookies, Barkeeps, Bruisers and
the Bows sitting on the Moonlight Rattlers
know him nv his First Name and had him
tagged as a Producer and a Helva Nice
Fellow.
Steve heard vague Rumors that certain
Stifs who hurried home before Midnight
and wore White Muffiers were trying to
put the Town on the Fritz and Can all
the Live Ones but he did not dream that
a Mug who went around in GOloshes and
drank Root Beer could put anything across
Q, the Rude Awakening!
ing on the Form Sheet with about $50
other Students and getting ready to back
sazerack off the Boards in the Third
backed up and Steve told the Desk Ser
geant, a few Minutes later, that his Name
was Andrew Jackson.
Next Day he had a Wire from a Trainer
Joint, the Plain Clothes Men gave him
the Sign to Beat it and he turned away,
throbbing with Indignation.
1t was for this his Relatives had fought
AT Lexington ana LuDuV s Lane ana Oet-
tysburs!
lie felt that our vaunted Liberties were
but Shadowy Pretenses, although he did
not use this exact language in expressing
his Emotions. He said:
"WeE, Wnat do you Know about that?"
The downtown Books were being
raided but the Angoras kept on galloping
at the Track, so he rode out on the Train
every day in order to preserve his Rights
as q free-bOrn American.
One Day just as he was Peeling from
m his o1 E4n tn In f fToht G Of : the ci henf af : to Club
Lightning struck the Paddock and laid
out the entire Works.
When the Touts and the Sheet-Writers
and the Sure ThingerS came to and began
to ask Questions, it was discovered that
the zap Legislature had killed the Racing
Game and ordered all the Regulars to go
to Work.
Steve went back to Town in a Cazed
Condition to hunt up the Gang and find
out what could be done to put out the
Fire.
When he arrived at the Hang-Out there
was a Flag at Haf-Mast. The Roost had
been nailed up for keeping open after
A few Evenings after that he sauntered
up to a large Frame Building to look
at a couple of Boys who had promised
to make 135 Ringside.
A Cannon was planted at the Main Chute
and the Street was filled with Department
Store Employees disguised as Soldiers.
Nothing doing.
The Governor had called out the Militia
in order to prevent 4 Blot being put upon
the Fair Name Of the Commonwealth.
With the Selling-Platers turned out to
Pasture. the Brace-BoN and the Pinch
Wheel lying in the Basement at Central
Station. the Pugs going back to the
Foundry and all the Street Lamps being
taken in at Midnight, no wonder Steve
was hard pushed TO find Innocent Amuse-
ment.
he started to hang around a Brokers
Office but it was no Fun to bet on 4 Turn
Up when you couldn't watch the Shufhe.
Besides. the Game was Cold and was being
Gercely denounced by the Press.
For a Time he kept warm in q Bowling
Alley. Drive u Man into 4 Corner ana
goad him to Desperation and he will go
go far as to Bowl. provided he lives IN
q German Neighborhood.
One Evening he went down to see the
Waihallas go against the Schwahens but
the Place was Dark.