davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14

ried the girl in the first place. years
before. If he hadn't been too busy sue
ceedtng in the world Ballantyue is
very drunk at dinner and goes IN for
MS 1avorlte amusement OF humiliating
his wife in the presence OF visitors.
after Thresk has gone Mrs Bauantyne
takes her little bird rifle out to Kill
herself. but changes her mind when
neT husband rushes in from seeing tbs
guest of and comes at her with up
lifted fist She takes shot at him in
stead and you. are relieved to see that
her aim is good
W l. Abingdon PLAYS the part Of the
husband, and Il is unfortunate that the
working out OF the plot compeIs him
to retire permanently in what IS prac-
tically the prologue. He is a whole
actor
Saves lErs. Bauansyne.
Thrask had planned to take Mrs. Bal
lantyne away with him from Bombay.
but when he learns Of the shooting ne
stays over the trial and his testimony
about a mysterious thief spares the
woman the stain OF a plea OF self-de-
fence Thereafter she returns to her
little sussex home and falls in love
officer.
The young mans father is a great
moral upl1fter. but he doesn't like the
idea Of carrying the move to the extent
Of marrying into the family Of woman
who has stood in the dock His sister
and brOther-in-laW, Mr. and Mrs Petit
FER are Mortified, and Mr. Pettifer.
who is a lawyer. makes Up his mind
that there was something Irregular
about the trial Of Mrs. Ballantyne-
Mr.. Hardwood a harmless old chan
with q hobby for miniatures. lures
Ihresk down to his house in Sussex
and Petttfer cross-examines him. This
is splendid scene. 1t is all talk and
10 action. and but for the fact that 10
is so well done il would undoubtedly
be brutal bore. anyway Mr. Pettifer
is outfenced and goes home fully sat-
lstied that he has wrOngsd Mrs Bal
lantyne.
The woman returns late that night
under secret command from Thresk.
and be tells her that she must confess
the truth to young Lakewood before
she marrles him This is Miss Barrv-
mores strongest chance. and she IS
superb At first she coOlly tells Thresk
that he cannot expose her without
cOnvicting himself OF perjury. but al
last she breaks down and tells him an
that he did not know about the killing
and also that she has married Halle
wood secretly a week before
AT this point the elder Lakewood in
terrupts and she agrees 10 tell his son
the whole truth in the morning She
does it and is forgiven BY al hands
A J. Arson, as Thresk. and Ernest
Stallard. as the elder Hardwood were
among others OF the cast who dis
tinguished themselves.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
white SIavers' To The Pen

~ PEARNG Of the federal white slave traffic which
cten FL
- the attorney general shows that during the 145
persons
acquitted discontinued;
pending
viii
trial. the governments results conviction Of
without
prosecutions
The
ranged months penitenty
offence
inducing
The general his having
salutaIy effect"
rains while early for Christ
to rejoice when
rejoicing is supposed to be quite the thing
city books
gHg the audit have suggested Of
They thorough audit without possibility
local friendships the
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.
philadelphia Record.)

A woman's sniIe-ice cream soda.
The man who , marries a famous
woman becomes merely his wifes hus-
band.
The baseball goes into the hands Of
a receiver, when it strikes the CATCH
er's mitt.
It's when she is trying to make
things hot for him that a woman treats
a man colby.
Many a mans good luck really con-
sists of having been born with a little
common sense.
The debts we owe to society are gen
orally paid before those we owe the
butcher and baker.
A man should strive to endure his
troubles as cheerfully as he endures
those Of his friends.
He-''You suffragets should all
marry She--Why2" He-''Haven't
you ever heard that the hand that rocks
the cradle is the hand that rules the
WOrld27
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14

~ AYSEY MAY8IE APPLETON found
her father sitting alone looking
wistfully at his shoes. Perhaps
because they are about the only things
in the house a man can claim as his
own. he always fixes his eyes on them
when in a brown study
Il have decided" said his daughter,
picking up a newspaper and taking a
seat opposite her father, TO give you
a daily course of instruction. viii
begin on China"
Lysander John looked dazed.
I'm an effort to control the situa-
ton" she read. in a tone a school
teacher might we'll envy. Tan Tan
T-s-u-a-n is the way 1T is speued-has
been given fun power. The inha oitauts
have been ordered to leave Slang Tan
and Chang TIE rebels will seize'-a long
pause: then the reader hravely sneezed
and her father worked at his shoes in
recognition Of the fact that Tien Tsin
had been safely passed-"and 70 XII
stin"-the reader drew long breath
reports that WI Han Nun. who was
secretary to Dr. Sun Vat Sen viii Join
Ching Ming Chi; also that'-here was
a long pause-"Tao Tai Ching has
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
One-Sentence Philosophy
GLOBE SIGHTS.
lAtchison GIobe.l


Nothing makes Us so mad as for a
farmer TO come 10 town on Saturday.
and intimate that while he has been
working hard all week, we have been
lOafing.
While the defendant in a breach Of
promise suit may object TO paying the
amount demanded. there is little ques-
tion that he always thinks he is worth
it.
Every candidate thinks he has
great many friends who would be glad
TO do him a favor. That's the reason he
is q candidate. And the friendship as
set is always overesumated.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

It's very dangerous to trust a man
who won't trust anybody.
Grief that ennobles a woman seems
TO make a fool of man.
girl can take as much pride in
having cold heart as she doesn't in
having cold feet.
Money is, so hard for a man to get
because he thinks it's going TO be so
easy TO.
Travelling is the greatest enjoyment
when YOU don't know when you are
going 70 get home.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
The Daily Horoscope RT-k- Hs'risb
December IA

Iibras influence today carried over but is expressed
more in judicial It viii be great day for trying
causes settling disputes and laying plans for the imme-
date future Unusual clarity of mental vision should be
possessed by ALL so that even the average man. win not
do the wrong thing in the average way. Ones decisions
apt be sound and just and hence the time OppOr
to important business candidates.
get married One likely be carried away by
his impulses and enthusasus this day. The only danger
that threatens is that he viii go to the opposite extreme
and hesitate and delay weighing pro and until
the time for decision has past 0emuch debating is
bad as precpitancy things One recalls the story
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
u 'e RArrs Denatured Poem

STOOD before jail and said that suffrage The
is
virtue and than who walks the h all the world
hence viii have her sterling worth
the
WISDOM
smile" Then long parade who halted
asked the iar why they brought these floral tributes his den He
"Wel that fnd
hold him till comes every
day and
Copyright 1911 by eeorg. Matthew. Adam. C0aeA71e<e
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
IT SOMETIMES HAPPENS.

His Wifeis away and every night
We see him trudging down the street
The same time that he always does
When she's at home to cook his meat
He sits upon his porch till nine
And then goes silently to bed.
1t sometimes happens a man does this
In spite OF all that has been said
Before he leaves the house at morn
He waters every plant and flower.
He feeds the bird and moWs the lawn
And works around for half an hour
And through the windows we can see
Him washing dishes every day;
1t sometimes happens that q man
VIII do these things when she's away.
When she comes home, she'll find the
place
AS neat as when she went away;
No dirty dishes viii she see,
No room viii be in disarray.
He swept and busted Sunday morn.
And washed the windows. I declare:
1t sometimes happens this way. though
such incidents, perhaps. are rare.
Detroit Free Pres
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
The aGinkD Says:

moved by the police because he could make his mind
ought first Step lively ladies and gentlemen The
today.
Copyright, 1911, The Adams Newspaper serviee)
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
Christmas Giving

speak little sentiment
George Bernard
People some
enough
the feast
different The feeling
greeting
possible From
paper cleaning
% flowers, little
pictures wonderful
possible artistic thing
day
princy
ie things friendship
loving speaks truly
all s o In acceptable gift
gift
of per
nothing worth only
something
fulfil ideas fitness, Christmas giving
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
When she comes home. she'll find the
place

CATTLE IMPORTED THURSDAY.
An importation OF 500 head Of Mex
lean cattle was made through the Ell
Paso customs port by L E. Booker,
Thursday morning.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14

newspaper
printed political ctory?"
beena
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14

THIRFYFIRsT YEAR OF PUBLICATION
and
Wire and
Texa Iexcc ngt on, D. c., and
by Ierald
is ounedam T.
II b stevens A Sm J.
R C.
L. harp P
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14

Only eight more days to shop before Christmas
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14
BIZ FREDERIC ]. HASKIN

! Task in Store for Naturalists in Studying Fish
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14

Democratic simplicity" when the members
cratic governors staff go to buy their uniforms.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14

Copyright 1911 by George Matthews Adams CCaek/Ite
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-12-14

the expeditions Of the French and
English ocean surveying vessels.
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

"Kiddo. the boy wonder Certainly had
'em goin last night, didn't he?' ask
ed the stage-struck youth Of the stage
doorkeeper.
That he did. son." responded the
latter. He had 'em goin', he had 'em
comm and he had 'em movin' round
in circles. But the public always does
fall for a kid act. And l have nothin'
again the lad meself, for he is one Jim
dandy little violinist.
Maybe 'Tis the Panties
Maybe tits the panties that makes
him so popular. If he was to come
walkin' sedately on the stage clad in
long trousers and a frock coat I think
maybe the music wouldn't sound so
nicely. But tits a brave sight he makes
with his little knickers and white waist
and big tie and patent leather pumps
and a scared look.
THAT trick he has o. lookin' down at
the orchestra leader as much as to say
don't desert me, old man, or I'll die
Of fright sure makes a hit with the
ladies'
why, I've seen the dozens OF them
hang around the stage door waitin' to
kiss him when he came out. But his
manager watches the women like a
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
ACCORDING TO MMY.

put the umbrellers IN Kanada and the
hats IN the United States, which was
behind the hall door for the umbrellers
and the dining room klosit for the
hats.
Wen we got thro playing reserprosity
Ferdie asked his farthIr II he Good stay
at my house awl mite, and his farthir
sed he Good. So I took him ovir to
Bennys house with me to see Benny,
wich Is my cuzzin-
As soon as We got to Bennys house
II startid to rane kats and dogs and
thundir and litening and awl. Wed
bettir stay hear till II stops, I sed,
and we stayed moar than hours and
to stop. Then sumboddy pulled the
frunt doar bell awful hard, ding, ding,
ding, ding, and 1t was pop and pops
hoss, without eny hats or umbrellers
or enythins awl wet and funy look
ing.
Wares our hats and umbrellers, ssd
pop and pops boss both to-
gethir, pop grabbing me by the ear
and pops boss grabbing Ferdie by the
eer, eetch grabbing his own sun BY
the eer.
The hats Is In the United States. I
sed, and Ferdie sed, The umbrellers 10
In Kanada, but they maid US go hoam
In the rane with them and get them
aftir they borrowed umbrellers frum
Bennys mothir. And Kanada and the
United States eetch got sumthIng
they wssent looking for.
The Washington times., 1911-07-19

Pops boss came to see pop last mite
and tawked reserprosity and brswt
his sun FerdIe, who Is orawss eyed.
but he kant help that.
It wood revilooshinize trade II we
had reserprosity with Kanada, sed
pops boss, and pop and pops boss
tawked about 1t till they got awl
existed and let thare segars 60 out
and struck matches to light them
aRen and let the matches go out
without lighting them
A New Gain
Lets play reserprosity, ssd to
Ferdie.
Awl rite, sed Ferdie. lets reverloo-
shunize trade.
You are the United States, I sed.
and I am Kanada- Let's have reser-
prostty with hats and umbrellers. L.
beeinS Kanada, will take the dooty avn
hats and you, beeing the United States,
will take the dooty awf umbrellers.
So I got of pops hats fr1lm the
hat rack and / of Ferdtes fathirs hats
w1ch was awl he brawt. and Ferdfe
got ( umbrellers from the umbreller
stand and l frum the korner OF the
hall. wfch his fartldr brawt on akkouni
of It looking like rane.
Back Of the hall door is kaneda fol
the urnbrellers, sed. ware Is the
United States for the hats.
The dining room klosit 10 the United
States for the hats, sed Ferdie. so we
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
Reddy Smith Chats on
A Screeching Woman

II dere,s anything dat gifts me noive.
Jimmie, It's uh screechin' woman Not
dat don't Apreciate good sinsin', jim
mie, cause dere amt nothtn' likes
better, but desc here women wild uh
screechin voice srays gifts me noivA
Dere's wun on our street. Jimmie, an
she's furever bangfn' uhway at hur
pianner an screechin' sum soft pedal
song Wild uhbout as much expression
in II es dere is IN uh steamboat whistle.
Hur pianner is so set dat she can look
out Nv de winder all de time she's
playfn,- she tries tn get dat soulful
look In hur eyes each time sum passer-
by looks IN de windsr.
De udder night de woman mex door tu
her, 1ho's been sick fur uh month
past, BECOMES suddenly wurse, an dsy
calls uh ambulance tn take hur uhway.
She wus es white as uh corpse as dey
takes hur out, an as near death as she
could be widdout adyin'. But dat ne~eI
mattered vid de screechin' woman-naw
she jes' hammered dat pianner an
made awful discords wid hur screechin'
voice, an tried tn make de neighbors
believe dat shA was doin' de sick
woman uh favor.
I amt much fur grouches, Jimmie,
but whenever I has tn go past dat
screechin' woman's house, I gifts de
wust kim Nv uh crouch. an as fur
speakin' tn her-shs STINT IN yourn nur
my class!
The Washington times., 1911-07-19

Sometimes we can't feed 'em enough
canned salmon, and other times
everybody's got so much cold meat
IN the house nobody wants the red
table filler at all That's the kind of
n time we struck a couple Of weeks
ago Just when the boss invested In
whole shelfful of cans. Our Gus
TONERS would let US talk anything
but salmon to them
The boss tried all sorts of lodges,
but nothing doing every time. So
yesterday we resorted to the old bar
gain stunt We'd had the salmon up
for Is cents a can, and the boss
changed the sign to Canned salmon,
2 cans for 80 cents"
The identical same price, see, but
with the hint OF a bargain in t!
Well. there's the empty shelf.
The Washington times., 1911-07-19

hawk. and it's none Of them that gets
a chance to plant a chaste salute on
the kids rosy cheek or steal one OF
the curly locks for a souvenir.
Most any musical shark has the
DANES runnin' for him. even the old
and ugly ones that play beautifully
but in kiddo's case it's different, for
he's that good lookin' 1t isn't safe to
let him run around alone. Why, I've
seen the lad get a bundle of mash
notes that would make Faversham
think that he was unpopular. And
they come from the old danes as well
as the little broilers"
How Old Is He?
How old is hep asked the stage
struck youth.
We'll" said the S. D. X. from the
way he plays the violin I should
Judge that ne was somewhere near
sixty, from the looks OF him 1 should
say he was nine. and his manager says
he's eleven. But here's & boy with a
note from him for me now. Listen
Tell the manager 1 won't be able to
play at the matinee this afternoon, as
my youngest boy has the measles.
Kiddo'
Say. can you match it?-
The Washington times., 1911-07-19

peafed to every great detective In
the world. I want that ring back. not
so much for its intrinsic value, but
because of the four valuable dia-
monds in the setting"
Him." said the great detective.
HIN. In an exhaustive study of the
subject, I have learned that twelve
out OF every thirteen flying fish are
caught by anglers; they are extreme
ly stupid fish. Now, plainly, the
thing for you to do Is to visit every
restaurant in the city and order hy-
ing fish until you find your ring IN
one Of the orders"
One month later the great de-
tective received the, following tele-
gram. Have eaten 9752 flying fish.
Found my ring In the last. Doctor
says I cannot live through the night
Enclose invitation to funeral as fee.
az flying fish took all my money
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
Loretta's Looking Glass
Drawn for The Washington Times.

X/OU are a girl who needs to be
Y known to be-disliked. But It is
easy to know you. Just one trtr
| with you on a street car convinces
your companion that your room is bet.
ter than your company.
''Just look at that mani Isn't his
nose funny?" you whisper to your
friend.
perception that Ihe man with the
funny nose may be entirely unable
to regard 1t as a joke. 1t may be a
calamity to him. He may suffer tor
ture every time any one looks at It.
Going down town may be a long tour
of dismal embarrassment.
The girl with you. to whom you are
giving a short course in instruction
how to dislike you, may have the SYM
pathy to appreciate the mans feelings.
She carefully turns her gaze to the
opposite end Of the car from your VIC
tim.
You're not looking at the right one!"
you hiss into her ear.
Right Of Discovery
You act as II there were a certain
cleverness in your having detected
the nose; and, by the right of dis
covery you have achieved the priv
ilege Of exploitation. Your compan-
ion is in q cold sweat Of fear lest the
already afflicted man should be made
more miserable by your rudeness.
Yes, yes, know" she says, with
out turning her gaze toward the man
and with vain notion of shutting
you up.
But you are not the shutting-up
kind. You insist upon her seeing the
sight you have to display.
mo. you don't see the one mean,
He's over there, the second from the
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY

Masonic. Coronation Day Process
sion-It has been decided Cat a joint
meeting of representatives from the
lodges) that the Free Masons take
part in the procession. It Is hoped
the brethren will make every effort
to turn out on such q special occa-
sion. Dress: Dark white tie, and
white gloves.-Arbroath Herald.
The march Of the brethren should
be the making Of the day. The best
dark white effects In ties are OBJ
tanned by wearing them frequently
before.-Punch.
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
Caught in a
Whirlpool of Wit
SHE GOT 1T

An old lady called on q lawyer in
San Francisco to ask him to have the
United States government grant her
pension She told a sad story of
her destitution, and added q glowing
account of the heroism her husband
had displayed in the civil war
"As I understand It," said the pen
sion attorney. you ask for this PEN
sion in the name Of the valiant serv-
ices rendered to your country by your
husband.
NO" replied the old lady. II ask
1t in the name of God and His mercy"
I'm that case" said the lawyer, I'll
get you your pension. have very
few applications in that name"
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
Was Awake at Nipht

Friend-I know you are a proud and
happy father. and I've no doubt that
baby is regular cherub, and all that;
but don't see why you need hold your
head quite so high.
Young Father-That's to keep from
dropping asleep.
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
she HOLDS IT UP TO THE
LOOK AT THAT" GIRL

front end. Just look at his nosel
Isn't It awful?'' you continue, with q
fervor of expression that makes your
voice carry painfully
The girl with you suffers the embar-
rassment that you have not the sense
to feel. She is finally forced, as a last
resort and with the hope OF silenoing
you, to turn and look. Every one
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
Our Grocery Clerk
Says, Yea, Bargains

When he tries every other way and
fails, the boss always goes back to
Dackerel, don't he get away with It'll
Salmon! Funny thing. salmon.
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
The Flying Fish; Or,
What Kind Of Bait2

Yes" continued the great de-
tecttvets visitor, "I dropped my ring
in the water exactly one year ago,
and the flying fish few up and
swallowed It Sincs-then have ap-
The Washington times., 1911-07-19
DECALOGUE FOR HUSBANDS
And Why 1t Ought
To Be Learned By Them
BY PEGGY VAN BRAAM

ROM time immemoral have been the
| rATNN cpents of good advice and how retain their
/ VOSIAII husbands affections, advice all
III from health to in cooking,
ESHA but is only recently that noted divorce judge
L. INSE jl II Chicago has forward with the bold
lz@7Ss II declaration that much fault
MI linnNl their domestic nfecities
EE lllI the average wfe's
Ill I'll lIIHfa indiscree his
lIllklM little the
I=~H 'NG4 monial decalogue
= " These are according o the judge, "If you
trip take wife along
Getting used the making of friends outside
mutual circle leads permanent arrangement"
Don't quote mother
Call wife occasionally tell
wanted know that everything all rghtyouve idea how
that peases woman"
Take her home box of candy book few
often but enough make
spontaneous tribute of affection"
Don't forget anniversaries"
Kiss her every day"
AT least month her downtown and take her
dinner"
your companion help you
victories and you'll find that the shadow of divorce will fall
athwart home
Very advice all of it, isn't it? Yet I'm afraid that the
who became of such round Of afectonate
would be the begin feel and wonder
what her husband feeling guilty about and what hiding
from her Wouldn't she? For being
while they husbands whole existence
Still the will read, mark learn and inwardy digest
know for gives insight little
things loom largely and least
guiding along the life husbands who
during with such big Dreams hopes and
cherish with whom
started life full OF happiness but also full of shadows
The Washington times., 1911-07-19

the field a football games.
I'll forget the disappointment the game
took with Bill I'd been used sen pin
OF each other where the bali those
eighteen ookn fellows standn about
each other didn't appeal to at all
Mamie Didn't Know They Were Playing
when do they play Bi?' after we'd watched
em lazn around for a while
"PlayW says why what you they've don
the last half hour? They're payn Don't think it's
excitn'" ....
NO. don't" The last game to-" there
four carried of the field with broken ribs and injured
said he could play again"
What, baseball? Bill.
NO silly; football" Don't anybody get hurt
this ganlel" says.
never anybody" says youwant to get
for1"
81 don't m to- exae bu. it to me eyre
careful themselves The last "he
game hardly started before player jumped another players
stomach and put him QUITO the game for good"
Bill
No, silly" football"