The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-04-23
Some Genuine Imported English Jokes
The London Tid-bits Pays One Guinea a Column for
This Style of Humor.

Salesman Qately promoted to curio de-
partment)-This necklace, madam, was
originally made for the Duke of Bucking-
ham, who gave 1t to Anne Of Austria.
We're selling a lot Of them.
Beautiful beautiful silken hair
Like the glowing the mooriand fair
Or the moon DER the shimmering seal!
And as he spoke he lovingly played
With the nut-brown tress Of the beautiful maid
Who nestled upon his knee.
Soft as the down on angels wing
He was rather good at this sort Of thing
Rich like the golden sand;
Light as the shell of an exquisite PEARL
He paused in disnay for that dear little curl
Came of in his trembling handl
Magistrate-what is your business?
.'risoner-I am a decker.
observation-disclosures did you come from7
Prisoner-Liverpool
Magistrate-What did you come to
Leeds for? You knew quite we'll before
you came that there were no docks here.
Prisoner-Oh, yes, there are; I am
standing in one.
"Goot MORNING, key" said Israel
"Goot MORNING. Izzy!" said Isaacs.
HAT you seen Cohen lately?" asked
Israel.
NO" replied Isaacs. 'Hafn't you heard?
He's going to retire for five years"
"Ach! I've heard him say that before"
observed Israel, wagging his head.
so hat l." observed Isaacs, also wag-
ging his head; but this time 1t wasn't
he who said it, Izzy. 1t was the Judge"
Binks-Jimson is one Of the liver bril-
gaze. He has little canter every morn
ing before breakfast.
Winks-Yes; / know And he has a
pretty big de-canter every night after
Inner.
An attendant in an institute for the
deaf and dumb was undergoing a rapid
fire inquisition at the hands of a female
visitor.
But how do you summon these poor
mutes to church," she asked finally.
by ringing the dumb-bells. madam"
retorted the exasperated attendant.
See here. landlord" said an angry
tenant. after he had signed the contract
for year, this house is full of sewer
gas"
Yes; that's what told you"
Told me?'
Yes. You asked me II there was gas
in every room, and I said there was"
The family man was passing through
the market when sign attracted his at
tention. 1t read: Poultry dressed in the
latest style
What do you mean by poultry dressed
in the latest style?'' he asked the mar
ketman.
why. are you blind?" said the dealer
pointing to the plucked chickens with
their legs tied. Don't you see they're all
hobbled?"
A Yankee and a Britisher were discussing
business matters and business men, each
contending hotly that his own race was
easily superior in mental abilities.
WAL" declared the Yankee. IT have
come to London regularly for the last
twenty years and I have never once met
what I should call a sharp man of bust
ness
Very likely" rejoined the Britisher.
I'VE put what you'd call sharp men in
prison
Another instance of free feeding. A
lump OF cheese is standing on the coun-
ter; big. burly fellow comes in, orders
glass OF beer and Immediately starts
upon the cheese. After he has had a
fairly good look at II, the landlord thinks
It time TO speak: nearly a pound Of cheese
to a glass of beer!
Look here, my man, do you know that
cheese costs me tenpence a pound?'
We'll, guv'nor." replied the other, dig
ging his knife In deeper still, ITS jolly
we'll worth II ="