davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
MEN THAT WASTE YOUR TIME
Writer Sets Down Certain Class, and With Much Truth, as Being
 Merely Loafers.

To a heap of people, maybe the big majority. life is just loafng along writes Tip in the New York Press There's the fellow who sits smoking on a porch or stoop and throws a dozen or so matches upon the lawn or into the yard. It would be just as easy, and a million times as decent fo- him to put them in an ash receiv- er-too much trouble to get one-or lay them in a little pile beside him to be disposed of afterward. But it takes somebody a quarter of an hour to go and gather up the half burned sticks that he has scattered everywhere. He brides himself, perhaps, upon not be ing finicky; would be mad as hornet to be told he was just a loafer.
 There's the fellow who sticks fine steel blade into acid fruit, spelling the fruit and the knife, not even bothering to wipe the blade. It takes a second to do the damage; 1t would take for ever to undo 1t. There's the fellow who goes and finds a screwdriver in its proper place to tighten up a win dow hasp, say, and, after tightening it so that 1t will not work at all, puts the screwdriver down anywhere, so that the one who must untighten the hasp has to hunt for hours all over the house for the screwdriver. The fellow has no doubt he was being use ful; he was being a ding-goned nuis- ance; wasting other peoples valuable time.
 There's the fellow who knows that it's about time for an axle to need oil or grease, but tomorrow will do, when it's handy; so the hot box that comes along before then puts the thing out of commission and costs dollars to get in shape again. He thinks he was in hard luck that 1t wouldn't run long enough for him to find the lubricant without any trouble; he was just a good-for-nothing.
 There's the fellow who burns a cigar when he needs it. and goes of leaving 1t burning just the same when he doesn't need 1t. He's very likely to plume himself on not being penny wise; he has the responsibility and sense of a Digger Injun. There are 10000 ways in which that sort loafs along through life, cock-sure they are useful human beings, but mostly leav- ing wreck and ruin in their wake. From the start they have no chance for success; at the finish they are Rhastly failures. And every mothers son of them takes his oath, at any stage of the game, that he is being passed by somebody all the time mere ly because the other is smiled upon by fortune and pampered by favoritism.
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17

Northwestern elevated train around to the La Sale street depot. Mile. Blanche said she wanted to telephone her sister in Grant Park. You stay here. honey, while telephone to my sister, who will meet us with her automobile" said the woman. accord ing to the story told by the aged man. '1'll call up Muriel and tell her I have captured my mate" explained the blonde prophecies. She will send her French car right over for us. We will be in time for luncheon. fear she may be yachting" Then Blanche 'harem-skirted" to a telephone in the station and telephoned. She never came back In her lisle pocketbook she had placed for "safe keeping" the $3, ,000 of Dennis.
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
Aged Farmer Loses $3,OOO to Fiance

NHICAGO.-No wedding bells will O ring for William Dennis. 83 years old, a retired Wisconsin farmer who came to Chicago to be married to a woman whom he had met two weeks before at county fair. The day after his arrival here Dennis appeared at the detective bureau and reported that his intended wife had disappeared. taking with her $3,OO0. which he had entrusted to her care.
 Dennis told the police that the young woman, known to him only as Blanche, left him in the La Sale street derot on the pretext that she was going to telephone to a wealthy sister.
 Dennis. according to lis story, told the police he met the woman at the county fair, where she conducted a fortune telling concession Dennis told the police that he took a liking to the woman and proposed marriage to her. "She accepted me-" he said. and we made preparations to come to Chicago and get married"
 They came in on the interurban electric railroad. Then they took a
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
Bogus Worshiper Would Rob Poor-Box

NEW YORK.-The attempted rob lV bery of a poor-box in the church If Our Lady of Mount Carmel, in East Twenty-eighth street, was followed by an exciting chase of the thief which eL%ed in his capture.
 Solemn high mass had just been celebrated. Father McCabe, the parish priest. had gone home, but the church was open Lately money has been missed from some of the collection boxes and William Mangin, the sex ton, has been on the watch for thieves. Standing behind the altar he saw a man enter by the Twenty eighth street entrance and go up the aisle to the altar of the Sacred Heart. where he knelt as if in prayer
 On the center aisle is large poor box, which usually contains a very considerable amount in votive offer ings. Walking softly down the middle aisle Mangin saw the pretended wor- shiper pull from his pocket a jimmy and screwdriver and force open the poor-box door
 Hastily grabbing the coins 1t con- tained, the man jumped tn his feet
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
"Spuds" Cause Split in Sharp Family

en under his roof Some time ago wife No. found out that her husband, who went out of her life forty years ago, was still alive and had married again She renewed the acquaintance so long interrupted and Peter hardly knew what to do.
 Then a happy thought struck him He had been married for number nf years-nearly forty in fact-to wife No 2, and she suited him perfectly. He had no desire to return to condi tions as they were before the fire.
 So, as a solution to the problem, Peter got the two wives to hold a conference with him. He told them how they were old and peaceable folk and could live together in peace and amity without jealousies that beset younge- persons.
 So the bargain was struck and wife No. 1 was installed in the Sharp household in all her ancient glory. She had to share everything with wife No. 2. however, and this was bound to cause trouble. Finally they couldn't agree upon the proper manner in which to cook potatoes and the result is that Peter would gladly find some one wno' will consent to take one of his wives-No. 1 preferably-off his hands.
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
Cigarette Berays Girl in Male Garb

wall with long sweep of the arm. It did not light until it had been scratched several times. Then, in- stead of leaving the cigarette in the mouth and pufing it into a light, the smoker held it at arms length until it became ignited and choked and coughed when the pufing began. The contortions of the face alone were a study.
 What is your name?" he asked, go- ing up to the smoker Willie Wright, :" was the reply in a soft voice. The policeman lifted the cap and light tresses fell about "Willie's" shoulders. "Oh, don't care," pouted the owner of the hair. That cigarette has made me sick. anyway" At Central Dis trtct station the prisoner said she was Ada Wright, eighteen years old, 2SO9 South Broadway. T got a letter last week that my mother is sick in Bloom ington, Ind. and needs my help." she continued. 'T had only $845, so I thought would beat my way on a freight train and have little money left for my mother when I got there.
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17

DITTSBURG. Kan.-"Them potatoes | ort to be peeled before they are boiled" said wife No. to wife No. 1, when the pair were getting Peter Sharp's dinner ready the other day. Well, guess I know Peter better than you, for I knew him before the Chicago fire in which ha lost me-" de clared wife No. 1, as she tossed the 'murphies" with their jackets on into the boiler. And what was good enough for him then Is good enough for him now"
 A row started right there and now Peter Sharp is sorry he found his first wife and took her back to live with him and his second wife, whom he married when he thought his initial spouse had perished in the blaze which wiped out Chicago in 1871.
 For Peters house hasn't been a place of joy since he made the com promise which brought the two wom-
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
The nchestnutn Story.

The origin of the word chestnut as applied to an oft-told joke may according to Joseph Jefferson. the actor, be traced to the stage. In a melodrama entitled "The Broken Sword" written by William Dillon two of the principal characters were Count Xavier and his servant Pablo In a dialogue between them Is to be found the origin of the word "chest- nut" as applied to story that has lost its first bloom of novelty. Here it Is:
 "Once." said the count. T entered the forests of Galloway. when sudden. ly, from the boughs of cork tree
 Chestnut. count" interrupted Pablo.
 Cork tree" said the count.
 "A chestnut" reiterated Pablo q should know as well as you, for have heard you tell the story twenty-seven times"
 The count was a veritable Nun chausen, for the frequent relation of his exploits, and consequently liable to get a little mixed in his details, so it is that from cork tree we get the chestnut
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17

CT. LOUIS.-The manner in which ) Willie" Wright lighted a cigar cite attracted the attention of Patrol man Daily, and now. incidentally. Willie" is Ada.
 Bailey saw Willie" at Third street and Washington avenue. He wore blue overalls. black sack coat and brown cap and stopped at the corner to light cigarette. The smallness of the mouth which held the cigarette first arrested Dailey's attention. Then he observed the small white hand which handled the match. Willie" held the match between the tips of the thumb and index finger at the ex- treme end and drew it across a brick
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
The Laraest sassafras Tree.

Atlanta leads the south in many re spects, the nation in several ways, but until recently the fact that Atlanta leads the world in at least one thing has been unknown. A sassafras tree is the principal in Atlanta's new bid for fame The largest sassafras tree in the world, says the department of agriculture.
 To most people the name sassafras is associated in their minds with the picture of a low, stunted bush luxur- iantly foliaged from the roots of which their grandmothers made tea to "cure spring fever and other ills of that nature. A sassafras tree has been a thing unknown.
 In the year of the First Methodist Church of Atlanta the sassafras tree stands, passed by thousands each day. none of whom has realized that in that yard was growing the biggest tree of its kind in the world Few of the members of the church were cognizant of its existence. though 1t has shaded little children in their play for many years and will proba- ply perform the same loving task for years to come.
 The tree, according to the experts of the agricultural department, is more than 100 years old It is seven and a half feet in circumference. fifty feet high and has a spread of more than forty feet, overshadowing all the trees in its neighborhood.-A Constitution
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
pumas,s MeIon contract.

Alexandre Dumas, pere, was ex- tremely fond of melons, and an auto graph letter of his has just come into the possession of the library of the town of Carpentras by legacy which proves the fact It is perhaps one of the strangest contracts ever made by man of letters. The letter is ad- dressed to M. Seguin, the deputy maire of Cavaillon in the Caucluse in August, 1864, by the author of Les Trois Mousquetaires," who was then living at St. Gratien, near Enghein. He says: "On receipt of your letter have immediately arranged with my publisher, M. Michael Levy, for him to send you the two or three hundred volumes which have already appeared of my works, and that in the future as they appear he will send you the others, and I am very pleased to be able to reply to the great honor which you do me. But please have the good ness to tell your honorable maire, M. Tourel, that I impose one condition. If the town and the authorities of Ca vaillon like my books, I like their melons, and I desire that in exchange of my three or four hundred volumes there shall be constituted for me, by municipal decree a yearly income of twelve melons per year. The cost of carriage will naturally be at my ex- pense." Need one add that the con tract was faithfully kept on both sides?
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
AMERICA NAMED BY GERMAN Martin WaIdseemuIler Published Flrst Map With That Title Given
 the New World.

In the interesting town of St. Die, h French Lorraine, there was recent y held a celebration of special inter est to the people of this side of the world, and in a lesser degree to Spain and Italy. It was in honor of the four hundredth anniversary of the publica- ton there of the geographical work of Martin Waldseemuller, in which Amer lea was suggested as the name of the New World
 There have been many theories and much controversy as to the origin of the name America, and not few have resented the slight which was put upon Columbus in this connection. Some have denounced Amerigo Yes pucci-who, like Columbus, was an Italian sailing under the flag of Spain flor stealing" the glory due the real discoverer.
 But the chief wrong, if any was done, was committed by the German geographer in the book which was published in 1907, and on the map which he published year or so later. On that map the name America was applied, however, only to the southern part of the New World. The northern part was called Parias.
 It Is possible, perhaps probable, that Vespucci, not Columbus, first reached the mainland of America; and it was Vespucci who grasped the important fact that a new continent had been found, and not simply part of Asia Of that fact Columbus died in ignor- ance.
 But rightly or wrongly, the name of Amerigo Vespucci, trader, traveller and writer. was given to the New World, and given to remain forever And now lofty tower rises among the hills of Lorraine to commemorate the suggestion which resulted in the designation.
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17

and sped down the aisle. Mangtn was between him and the door and the next moment the sexton was felled with handful of coin thrown in his face
 Near the river is Kohler's brewery. Here the watchman. Jack Halpine, sat dozing over his after-dinner pipe in a courtyard. Past him shot the thief and through an open door into a loft in the middle of the yard. Halpine grabbed the man by his feet as he entered. Mangin and Rosenthal soon ran up and the man was captured after fight
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
SCHEME TOO SUCCESSFUL
Young Man Tries Hypnotic ExperI- ment and Finds Out Some Things
 That Are Unpleasant.

Now, Maud" said Edgar, with a complacent smile, q am ready to try that little experiment. I am sure can bring you under the hypnotic in- fluence If you will agree not to resist. Just put your mind in a passive con- dition. Try to think of nothing at all. Fix your eye on that light now, and don't forget to keep your mind a blank. 1 will count sixty seconds by my watch"
 The girl followed directions literal ly. In twenty seconds her eyelids blinked; in forty they closed.
 "Ah, knew I would succeed!" ex- claimed Edgar, highly elated. Now, Maud, command you to tell me the secrets of your heart. Whom do you love? Tell me, I command you"
 A momentary expression of resist ance crossed the girls face; then she spoke in a monotone:
 q love Edgar Popham, and
 Yes, yes!" cried Edgar, trembling with delight. Go on. Tell me all the secrets of your heart"
 T love Edgar Popham," continued the glrl, In the same tone, ana would love him more if he were not so stingy. I want to go to the thea ter twice week, and he takes me only once in three months. I want diamond rings, and he gives me rings with cheap stones in them. When l go out with him and get hungry he never thinks of oysters. When I-"
 Enough" cried the young man. Awake! command you"
 And he fled, without waiting to see the result of his command.
 AS the front door slammed the young girl opened her eyes, smiled sweetly, and said:
 q hope I did not spring too much on him at once. Perhaps should have let the diamond rings and the oysters go till another time"
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17

A Vase, Hidden Money and a Match,
 My wife blamed me for dropping a burning match into that vase on the mantel shelf after lighting my cigar. said the man. "and of course blamed her for using the vase as a bank. How was to know the trading stamps and s5 bill were hidden in there Some of the papers were burned and the heat cracked the vase, and al- though got a new $5 bill from the treasury department for the scorched one I have been careful not to drop matches in vases since.
 And I might add that it taught my wife lesson, too. She has found an other hiding place for rent receipts. stamps and occasional dollar bills which she manages to save out of her housekeeping money"
 The moral of this little anecdote is very obvious. With the disappearance of open hreplaces and the disapproval of cuspidors in living rooms a man is often at loss what to do with a match after using it to light the gas or a cigar. Ash trays are not always handy, neither are receptacles for burnt matches, so the first thing he turns to Is the fern jar or vase on the mantel
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
In Safe Deposit.

Come in," called the magazine ed. itor
 ''Sir, I have called to see about that article of mine that you bought two years ago. My name is Pensnink- Percival Perrhyn Pensnink. My com position was called The Behavior of Chipmunks in Thunderstorms, and I should like to know how much longer I must watch and wait before shall see 1t in print"
 'T remember" the editor replied. We are saving your little essay to use at the time of your death. When public attention is drawn to an author we like to have something of his on hand"
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
HOLD GRAVES SACRED
CHINESE ARE EXTRAORDINARILY
 CAREFUL OF THEIR DEAD.
Rerevence Carried to an Extreme In the Yellow country-case In Point Shows How Obstinate
 They Can Be.

Better strike a Chinaman than step upon his ancestors grave. They are finding that out to the great detriment of industry and agriculture all over Cathay-for the Chinaman will simply not allow railroad or a blow to pass through what he suspects is the dust of one of his honorable forbears and there is no condemnation law in China to force him to sell the graves
 The instance of the Russian rail- road from Harbin to Port Arthur, which made a 26-mile detour to avoid the ancient Manchu tombs at Muk- den. has been often cited to show the expense and trouble that may arise from this cause. This was many years ago and there seems to be popular idea, even among old foreign residents of China, that the going for the right of way" men and the build CTS of railways Is much easier now than then. AS a matter of fact, since people are dying right along and the number of graves increasing as a con sequence, it is very doubtful if condi- tions are not becoming worse rather
  cepted the railway as a convenience in transportation, not as a destroyer of their beloved graves. They have shown the greatest readiness to patronize it once it is built, but they never have ceased. and never will cease, putting obstacles in the way of a line that disturbs so much as a single isolated ancestral resting place
 Many of the foreign educational in stitutions of China have been years acquiring the land for their grounds principally on account of graves-and the blue print maps of some of their holdings reminds one of the drawing of the original "gerrymander" con gressional district In Massachusetts. The Canton Christian college, in South China. has a striking monument to the obduracy of solitary graEe-hold- CT in the form of an upright cylinder of yellow clay in the middle of it's basketball field. Not the desecrating touch of the feet of the hated flor eign devils,'' not the turmoil of the mad games that surge around 1t, not even the fact that it's elevated crest is occasionally utilized by an ir- reverent student as a coign of van tage from which to toss a goal. has led the old woman that owns it to ac- cept the generous offer made her by the college authorities for her little "six feet of soil" Her husband used to sleep with all the babies crying, she says philosophically, and it is hardly likely that little noise will trouble him now. He will let her know through the priests when he is dis turbed and until then she knows that he will rest better where he is. Of course, the obvious thing for the col lege authorities to do would be to pay a visit to the geomancers and arrange that the old lady should be instructed that the ''fengshul'' decreed that her late husband would rest quieter in some other place; but as "subtlety' of this class is hardly in the line of a Christian institution. it is not unlike ly that the strange looking cylinder of yellow clay may star the campus basketball field until the game old lady Is herself numbered with her an- cestors.
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
A nevoted Constituent

That member of congress says you have voted for him for the last Is years"
 That's right" replied Farmer Corn tossel.
 You must think lot of him."
 Well. dunno You see. Is years ago I had couple O hoss trades with him, an since then I've allus felt safer with him spendin' so much of his time in Washington"
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
seIenee EInds a PoIson Of sIeep.

Science Finds Poison of Sleep.
 Considerable discussion has arisen in scientific circles over the expert ments of NM. Legendre and Pieron in Paris, who have discovered that the real reason why we go to sleep is be- cause our brain has been actually pois- oned. Sleep, they declare, is pro duced through a morbid change in the cells of the frontal lobe of the brain. They discovered a dog that died of insomnia, and injected some of the serum of its brain into another dog. thereby causing 1t to fall into a deep sleep from which 1t subsequently, awakened in perfectly healthy con dition. From this and similar expert ments they assert that sleep is due to a natural poison. The poison of sleep, they contend, is in fact, an antidote for the poisons that are the by-prod- nets of every mental and physical ac- tioE of our lives, and we awake from sleep when 1t has cleansed our higher nervous centers of the poisons that our daily toll has produced
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
The snooner.

For the fourth time he said Good night" but still they fingered on the doorstep.
 "Ah, dearest" he whispered tender ly, gazing toward tne starlit skies, the night has thousand eyes"
 "Shi you goose!" cautioned the pretty girl, as she noticed dark forms at the opposite widows. Mot so loud! The night also has a thousand ears"
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
TactIess.

Miss Giggles has not a particle of tact"
 Whats she done?"
 The other evening when she was asked by Mir Jaggles, who is notorious for not paying his debts, for a song, she went promptly to the piano and sang Trust Him Not"
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
The Present stvI.

Aren't the Cashits in very fashion. able life just now?"
 Sure. Their son has been running down some of the most respected resi- dents of the place in his new car, and their daughter has eloped with the 0Aaufreur-
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
Sorry She Spoke.

Wife-Have you never thought how many hats you could buy in a year fl you saved the money you squander on smoking? Husband = Often. I estt mate that I could buy about 50 for myself, but only three for you.-Stray Stories.
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
Modern Complications.

well, Madam"
 ''The allowance my husband makes me isn't enough"
 "But, madam, we decided it was ample for your support and the sup port of the children"
 "Yes, I know, judge, but I'll need as much more for the support of the automobile'
The Holbrook news., 1911-11-17
Mans RIqhts.

That man who has applied for d. vorce because his wife kicks over the pail of hot water he uses when he is scrubbing the kitchen floor will have the sympathy of the public She in terferes unwarrantably with his rights as a husband and as a man.