davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
Had a Good lime Flirting.

The town OF Spartanburg, s. C., is
laughing at the prank of Harry Jones, a
student in the preparatory school OF Wot-
ford College, who, while masqueradlng
as a girl, receYed attentions from one
OF his young professors, scandalized the
people at Sunday school social which
he attended by the height at which he
held up his gown, and caused the arrest
of a professional baseball PLAYER and a
college student who tried 10 flirt with
him.
Iones is 10 years old, slender and fresh
faced. As joke he logged himself from
head to foot in feminine attire lent by
some girl friends. With wig added,
the disguise was perfect. The girls took
him to a church affair, and introduced
him as Miss Price, Of Gaffney. II was
not long before one of his instructors in
the preparatory school, completely de-
ceived, was pouring sweet notlilngs in
his ears.
Miss Price" held aloof from the
young women, but entered room where
some OF the young men were gathered
and shocked them by cher" free and
easy manners. "She" then left the COM
pany and took a stroll through town.
Passing group OF ballplayers in front oi
the Argyle Hotel, "she" flashed a smile
at them, and one followed cher" and
made advances. "She" called police
man and had the man arrested as
"masher." He pleaded so hard to be
released, however, that "she" yielded
and the policeman turned him loose.
Miss Price" then walked to the South
ern Railway Station and, with another
winning smile, captivated an upper class
man of Wofford College. "She" haC
him arrested, too, but again relenteC
when he likewise made pitiful plea.
Some classmates who had been taker
| into the secret disclosed the hoax mex
day.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
Thinking Makes Il So.

Humor owes ifs effect largely TO the
mental attitude OF the hearer-as shown
by the contrasted feelings OF man who
perpetrates a Joke, and the one who IS
the victim OF il. A man from Cohoes,
whose performance is related iuihe Wash
ington Star, is a good example OF one who
saw just what he was prepared to see.
A man from CohoeS entered a confer
ence in New York and sat down near the
press table. II was noticed that although
he appeared bewildered, the man was
eager TO be pleased. He clapped boist-
erously at the slightest provoeation, and
where others only smiled, he would throw
back his head and laugh loud and long.
AT the end OF an hour or an hour and
half the Cohoes man stopped his noisy
applause and mirth. snd leaning toward
a reporter, he whispered:
SAY, this is the white-iaced minstrel
show, amt tit2"
"Why. no." the reporter answered.
"The white-faced minstrels are two doors
below"
"Whars this, then 2" he inquired.
"This," said the reporter, "is the an
nuaI conference Of the Egyptologsts'
Society"
wal" said the Cohoes man, "l'll be
hangedw And with look OF disgust,
ne hurried from the hall.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
ImmutabiIity.

Cephas is a darky come uD from Mary
land to border town in Pennsylvania,
where he has established himself as a
handy man TO do odd jobs. He is good
worker, and sober, but there are certain
proclivities OF his which necessitate a
pretty close watch on him. Not long ago
he was caught with chicken under his
coat, and was haled to court to explain
its presence there.
"Now, Cephas," said the Judge very
kindly, "you have got into new place,
and you ought to have new habits. We
have been good to you and helped you,
and while we like you as a sober and in
dustriouS worker, this other business
cannot be tolerated. Why did you take
Mrs. Gilkie's chickens ?"
Cephas was stumped, and he stood
before the majesty OF the law, rubbing
his head and looking ashamed OF himself.
Finally he answered:
"Deed, dunno, ledge, " he explained,
"ceptin' It's dat chickens is chickens
and niggers is niggers."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
Money Talks.

A dollar and a penny once happened
together in the same pocket. and the dol
lar at once began TO put on airs like red
COW in a new barnyard. 81 am big
gun,' said the dollar, land you are no
body. am white and bright, and you
are only dull. mud -coIored little Indian.
am religious, for am all the time say
ing, In God we trust, and you are only
a pagan. am patriotic, for on one side
| have the American eagle, and on the
other side the Goddess of Liberty, and |
buy lots OF fireworks for the Fourth OF
July. am heavy minded, for have stars
to think about; and yoV don't have any
thing. | am precious; for | am nice
bright silver, and everybody wants me.
But you are only base copper and no.
body cares snap for you" "That may
all be So" said the poor little penny
"bA | go to Church and Sunday School
more than you"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
from the Hansonbmg Daily News
IVFS SAVED BY TELEPHONE.
Ous Man Drank Poison, and Another
Severed Four Arteries.

Within the last several days two lives
sws been saved over the telephone.
2sy ". LentZ, OF Orders, a Breth-
m minister, took poison by mistake Tor
E;~eiicine No physician being here,
s;anfy got instruction from a distant
prgsaa. A1ddoteS were administered
mi his lie was saved.
William MlOnlch, in Pendleton county,
r,tto cut a bullet from the breach OF a
E' The knife slipped and severed four
-sres in his wrist. He was in danger
Of bleeding 10 death. DR.. Meyers, at
Oak Flat. six miles away, gave inStruc-
hon; over the phone. Another life was
z,st Mr.. MiOniCh is TO years old.
So daily are valuable lives preserved
md saved BY the use OF the Jefferson
County Telephone.
Is your wiie'S lie valuable to you =?
Dly0u want to preserve your Children'S
ives? Is your own lie valuable to your
giwiamIy?
D9yOa want 10 make a paying invest
-;-i? Install a Jefferson County Tele-
p'oae. Il is a MONEY maker. Ask
Wall, ghO sits in his country home and
ais 10 Chicago. Install Jefferson
County Telephone. Pay $500 per an
rlT Meet me at the end OF the year
lts3y, "Getzendanner, that phone did
%, pay ne, take il out, give me your
tt,si0r $500" | will do it. | mean
hS, every word OF it. Phone, write or
we. Delays are dangerous" Long
tSl1cS connections with the world.
H. {. GETZENDANNER,
General Manager.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
The Scottish Terrier.

This little terrier makes capital dog
for the place or small farm. Mice and
rats are his pet aversions. He is as quiet
as a cat, and of course much more fear
less. He is much more persevering, too,
and the poultry-yard that is guarded by a
Scottish terrier need fear neither rats or
weaSelS.
II called upon, he will face larger enc
mics with equal zeSt, for the "Diehard," I"
as he is Familiarity called, has plenty OF
pluck and a good deal OF power in his
small body. WoodchuckS will not flour
ish in his vicinity, and he can easily be
trained to hunt SkunkS, or rabbits, those
pests OF the garden patch,
He is not fond OF strangers. He sticks
to his home and guards il faithfully, but
he does not bark till satisfied that a warn
ing is necessary. He is neither as nery-
Gus nor as noisy as most small dogs. HE
is often so Self-reliant as TO seem inditter-
ent, but under his dark, rough little coat
he carries a loyal heart, and he is very
gentle with children. He is, moreover,
extremely sensitive. Once break his
Highland courage, and il is gone forever.
1t is important to remember that he re-
quireS firm yet kinlly training. He never
forgets a lesson that has been thoroughly
taught.
Thirty years ago the Scottish terrier
was practically unknown in the bench
show world, and VS. used merely for
the rough. hard "varmint" work for
which he was bred and trained Gradu-
ally he came into the hands OF few fan
ciers, who, quickly realizing his merits
as a companion and watchdog. intro
duced him to the general public.
His quaint face and figure, the sturdl-
ness OF his build, and more than all, his
Scottish strength of character, soon made
him popular. particularly in the middle
West but he deserves a wider recognl-
ton here than he has yet received. He
is too interesting and intelligent a fellow
TO be confined TO the limits OF the bench
show. In every way he is good COM
panion, and will prove himself useful on
the farm if given chance.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
An Observation Bird-House.

A contributor to the Youths Compan-
ion has plan which gives close and
delightful acquaintance with bird home
life with the least possible inconvenience.
The plan is simply so to attach bird
house to the sash of a window that the
pane will serve as its rear wall. The
birds will do the rest.
al got the idea," writes this contribu-
tor, "from a chance visit to the house Of
neighbor, a Mr.. Davis. AT the back OF
his house was large unfinished room
used as a carpenter shop. Through the
board walls on two sides Of the room
Mr.. Davis had bored two-inch hole,
and against each OF the holes had hung
a bird-box with glass back. Over the
holes he had put wooden slides. Mr..
Davis said that he did not have to be at
all careful about making noise.
"He drew out the wooden slide which
concealed the nest on the north side OF
the house and revealed a bluebird sitting
on her eggs. She raised up a little at
first,-to show us her four little blue
treasures,-and then settled back con-
tentedly.
"ThiS-in May-waS her first brood.
Ny friend said that as soon as the young
birds had flown he would clean out the
nest, and the parents would then rear a
second brood in the same box. The
same pair, he thought, had been with
him for seven years. and had regularly
reared their two broodS each season.
"On the other side OF the shop a pair
of treeSwallowS had their nest, and were
building and twittering and singing while
he watched them at close range.
"The device is my own adaptation OF
the idea-a small bird-house fastened
against one OF the lower corners OF the
window-SaSh. The box is made six
inches square, floor space, and eight
inches high at the back, with the roof
Sloping to the front. The door is two
inches in diameter, although TO admit
housewrens and exclude SparowS 1t
should be one inch-the size OF quarter
of dollar. The box is fastened TO the
window-SaSh with two tin angles at op-
poSite corners and carpet tackS, fitted SO
as to hold the back tightly against the
glass.
at is good plan to slip sheet OF dark
paper between the window-pane and the
bird-box, and leave it there until the nest
is built, when it may be removed and
pinned against the glass on the inside, to
prevent the birds at first from being an
noyed by seeing people in the room.
When they get tame enough it may be
taken away altogether, and it will then
be possible to observe all that goes on in
the nest
"The house attracted pair OF wrens,
which began filling it with sticks. but
actually reared their broodS in another
house near by. If there had been a
grapevine over part of the window, as
there will be next year, possibly they
would have used the window-neSt.
"These houses should attract blue
birds, treeswallowS, wrcns, chickadeeS,
and possibly some other birds. If the
entire front is left open, robins may also
build in them. shall have at least four
boxes in windows on different sides OF
the house next season, and hope to Sc
cure some fascinating stories Of bird life. "
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
Did He Follow Suit ?

II was a shy young minister who was
once asked to take class OF girls, about
IS or l6, which had formerly been taught
by a woman. The young clergyman
consented, but insisted upon being prop
erly introduced to the class. The super
intendent accordingly took him to the
class for this purpose and said
Young ladies', introduce to you Mr..
Smith, who will in future be your teach
er. would like you to tell him what
your former teacher did, so that he can
90 in the came way
A miss OF 10 rose and said:
"The first thing the teacher did was tc
kiss US all around"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20

A western buyer is inordinately proud
of the fact that one OF his ancestors al
fixed his name to the Declaration OF In
dependence. At the time the salesman
called, the buyer was signing a number
OF checks and affixed his signatures with
many a curve and flourish. The sales
mans patience becoming exhausted In
waiting for the buyer TO recognize him,
he finally observed: "You have fine
signature, Mr.. So-and-So." "Yes."
admitted the buyer, 81 should have. One
OF my iorefathers signed the Declaration
OF independence.
"So2" said the caller, with rising in
Election. And then he added:
"VelI, you amt got nottings on me.
One OF my forefathers signed The Ten
Commandments.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
The Sound Sleep OF Good Health.

Can not be over estimated and any all
ment that prevents il is a menace to
health. !. L. Southers, Eau Claire, Wis,
saws: al have been unable to sleep
soundly nights, because of pains across
nv back and soreness OF my kidneys.
NV appetite was very poor and my-gen-
eral condition was much run down.
have been taking Foley Kidney Pills but
a short time and now sleeps as sound as
a rock, my general condition is greatly
improved, and know that Foley Kidney
Pills have cured me-" Sold by ]. II.
Hill.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20

An editor at Washington, Ind, IS con
vinced that the LOT Of the editor is not all
a bed OF roses. He wrote an excuse Tor
getting his paper out late. saying Il was
caused by physical decentralization due to
"sitting TOO close TO the clearinghouse
window" The "cussed compositof" set
up the stuff, leaving out the letter IN" IN
the word window" The editor had TO
leave, but his trunk Is still at The boa riding
house.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
The Shadow.

In bleak land and desolate,
Beyond the earth somewhere.
Went wandering through deaths dark gate
A soul into the air.
And still, as on and on il fled.
wild. waste region through.
Behind there fell the steady tread
OF one that did pursue.
At last he paused, and looked aback;
And then he was aware
A hideous wretch stood in his track,
Deformed, and covering there.
And who art thou. he shrieked in fright,
That dost my steps pursue
Go. hide thy shapeless shape from sight,
Nor thus polute my view
The foul form answered him. "Alway
Along thy path flee.
I'm thine own actions. Night and day
Still must follow thee"
-Minot Iudson Savage.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20

Little Rachel had been in the country
for the first time and for only few days.
In the yard she saw one evening hen
gathering her chickens under her wings
for the night. FlourishIngh her apron, the
girl ran at the hen, exclaiming:
"Shoo, shool you naughty thing ! You
mustn't sit d1wn on those pretty little
birds"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
One Conductor Help Back to Work.

Mr.. Wilford Adams is his name, and
he writes: "I was confined to my bed
with chronic rheumatism and used two
bottles of Foley's Kidney Remedy with
good effect. The third bottle put me on
nv feet and resumed work as conduc-
tor on the Lexington, KY, Street Railway.
Il will do all you claim in cases ot rheu-
matism." Il clears the blood Of uric
acid. Sold by J. n. Hill.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
Never Out OF Work.

The busiest little things ever made are
DR.. Kings New Lite Pills. Every pill IS
a sugar-coated globule of health, that
changes weakness into strength, languor
into energy, brain-fag into mental pow
er: curing Constipation, Headache, Chills,
Dyspepsia, Malaria. Only 25c at Hills
Pharmacy
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20

Returning from school the other after
noon a little girl proudly informed her
mother that she had learned to "punc-
tlate."
"Well, DEAR" said her mother, "and
how is it done ?"
"Yousee, Mother" explained the child,
"when you write 'Harkp you put a hat
pin after il, and when you ask question
you put a buttonhook !"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
Safe Medicine For Children.

Foley's Honey and Tar Compound Is a
safe and effective medicine for children,
as il does not contain opiates or harmful
drugs. The genuine Foley's Honey and
Tar Compound is IN yellow package.
Sold by n. Hill.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20

Judge prisoner, do you wish to
challenge any of the jurymen ?"
Reilly - well, yer honor, III light
that black-whiskered guy over on the
end ~
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20

"Oh, yes" Mrs. Smith told US, my
husband is an enthusiastic archaeologist.
And | never knew II till yesterday. ]
fonnd in his desk some queer-looking
tickets with inscription. 'Mudhose. to
L. And when asked him what they
were, he explained TO me that they were
relics of lost race. Isn't il Interestingly"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20

II suffered habituaIly from constipa-.
ton. Doan's RegIlets relieved and
strengthened the bowels, so that they
have been regular ever since. "A. Z.
Davis, grocer, Sulphur Springs, Tex.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20

She tprotestingly)-Thafs just like
you men. A man never gets into tfou-
bic without dragging some woman In
with him. He-Oh, Idont know How
about Jonah in the whale2
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20
Saved His Mothers Life.

-Four doctors had given me up" writes
Mrs. Laura Gaines, OF Avoca, La, "ano
nv children and all my friends were
looking for me to die, when my son m
sisted that use Electric Bitters. dio
so, and they have done me worla OF
good. Twill always praise them" Elec-
tric Bitters is a priceless blessing 10
women troubled with fainting and dizzy
spells, backache, headache, weakness
debility, constipation or kidney .ss,,, ulsS-
ders. Use them and gain new healia'
strength and vigor. They're guarantee
TO satisfy or money refunded. Only 5Vc
at Hills Pharmacy
Tommy-"Pa, what part OF speech IS
woman ?"
Father-"WonIan isn't a part OF tspeeeh
at all, my son, she's the whole thing.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1911-04-20

Shepherdsown Jefferson County, Virginia Thursday April 2Q 1911
Bisbee daily review., 1911-05-21
COMMISSION GOVERNMENT
 PRAISED BY VII SON

soueht Co multiply checks and Dal- ances as elaDorateiy as pcssible. IL has been fayorite device 10 set up independent boards of finance which should have control or the moneys cg the city ana determine how nucn s-se various departments ot the elty should De permitted to spenu N s nave hau water eoarus ano gas boards ana ooerds of punac works and roards Of every kind. eacn wltn its Independent set or powers, eacn with it's independent oerlNation rom the votes of the people. ana nave seemed almost or set purpose 10 Inui- tiriy the cicgs and iealousies and puilinss nitner ana rnItner or a sys- tenn which ought, in order to work et- TecrVely, 10. have worEai ID mar mony as a unit and not as a system 0f riralries ana suspicious cnecks.
 Clear Out the JuneIe.
 IT we are, as now seems probable, to follow along the tines upon wnlcn we nave started m the matter or our city governments. it is evident that we are going Co beneut ourselves greatly by giving up our ancieBt m senious art oI creating ambuses ana iungles In wnieu our politicians can play hide and seek wiLn us. Tne thlng which tue astute poEuclan should most desire is thar authority should be as much sumdlvded as possible, that eacn ofucer should have a function so obscure that no body could hake the time or the cur iosity to watch him. that there should be no system or central con troi, that no one orrcer should DC subordinateu to any other ofsicer, ana that aDove all there should De independent elections 10 the several Haaees to be filled. rms deiigntrui conrusion constitutes the most ao- mirable chance for mismanaserfent and contrivance and prlvate comol- uauun imaginable. Anything that simplifles the system or necessity parifies I. because 5'mplification means that there are no mdlng pIac- os for schemes ana rramed-up~ combinations.
Bisbee daily review., 1911-05-21
Best Governed Cities.

it cannot be an accident that the rest governed cities in the world are tilose in which there Is a short Dai- lot, concentrated authority ana, bs consequence, expert service; for ex- pert service is bound to come m America, as eIsewnsre. by reason or this concentration or authority anu simplification Of political metnods. There is no reason why our cities should not have a practical perula- nent corps of expert officials. In ons or two instances the commission form of government has assumed tnis form. Instead Of putting acnaI admInfstratiOn or the government n the hands or Q commission or five, each one Of whom should have charge ot a distinct department Of the city government, 1t has in ore or two American cities been arrang- cd that the conissioncrs. snonrd be merely the guiding and consultative cody. Tney have been authorized anc directed to choose e business ..-a-ageT who sao1ld have charge of tue administration or tne city ss their servant. subject to he removed by them at any time snd obliged in au particulars to carry out their di rectons, but nevertheless er1piOyed as a professional. an expert, a genu- inc business manager. SnOuld this form Of commission government be generally adopted 1t would undouSt- ediy result in the growth or pro ressional class very much 10 re ue sfred-the development O. body or men whose business 4 would be 10 understand the varioJs departments Of cItv government and to take charge c. them. Oar bureaus oi municipal research are producing men who might easily be trancd ioi such purposes, and lt IS nct beFOnd hoping for that we may be within sight of the time when ve shall re able to conduct our cities with real business efficiency at fhe hands ot experts
 The Essentials.
 The indispensable conditions O: success in city government, as in ala government, gre. first pahhcity' and. second. alert public opinion guided in some definite way by thos@ Who really understand the business In hand. Nothing ought to ee done by a cty government or by any oSher government information regarding which fs not accessible day by day to any citizen who desires to o5tain it. without publicity public opinion bas not sufficient matter to wo-k mon. With publicity will come Inc necessity that those who conduct the government should explain the things which are rot easily under stood by the newspapers or by crli Ics of any kind, and with the neees sifv of explaining will come. as natural consequence, the necessity of leading. It is the principal busi- oeso of those who constitute the re Fponsible governing authorities or a citv or Of a state to explain inaa ters that need explanation and tC guide oriniOn regarding them by sonething more than exSanauon' ,oat ia. by argument, by proposals ,,s measures of various kinds, by an Inc legitimate means by which opln' Ion fla g1ll.ied and developed. Govern ment is Of necessity in many Of it's narts "A technical and comphcateo thing We shall not be saved merely bv having experts. We shall be saie only when we have experts who are