The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1911-12-10
"B a t h-House John"
Made the New Chief
Justice.
ACTION IS TAKEN
BY GRIDIRONERS
Nothing So Sacred as to Escape
Irony and Wit of Newspaper
Mem nsurgent Banner
Flung to Breezes, and
Standpatters Are
Grilled.
Washington. December o.

Washington, December o.
Round the table are Offices fair;
President and Congress all are there.
Look them over. you Insurgent horde
And take them all IL you have the
sword"
This touching little parody of a
verse from Writers poem, Barbara
Fritchie," gave the Keynote to the
December dinner of the Gridiron Club
tonight. Tho red banner of insur-
gency was flung to the breeze and
every skit and gibe was supercharrcd
with the spirit of revolt against pres
cnt conditions, political, social and pe.-
sonal. Nothing WAS too sacred to es-
cape the irony and wit of the actors
VINO played their parts On the small
stage and the choristers who chant.d
10 the tune OF popular airs the griev-
ances OF the common people, and the
glowing promises of the reformers.
That venerable body. the United
states Supreme Court, came in for its
snare OF attention early In the even
Ing. After an overwhelming majority
vote of the diners had vanquished. ali
OF the regular candidates. and placed
Dr. Wiley in the presidential chair
the Supreme Court found itself com
pletely reconstructed, having passed
through the process OF recall" The
new court was headed by "Bathhouse
John" Couglin. as Chief Justice, anu
among the Associate Justices were Eu
gene Debs. "Hinky Dink' Kenna. sam
Gompers, "Fingey" Corners. Charlie
Murphy; Stubs. Of Kansas: Ex-senator
Aldrlch and Theodore Roosevelt
Can Tint Chatter.
When the attorney for the sugar
trust which was on trial before the
court, sought to call attention to the
law in the case. he was chided by the
Chief Justice with Can that chatter
about the law. We make our own
lawo." The trust was convicted and
ordered pulled apart"
The steel trust was the next vic
tim, charged with having "goldbricked
T. r." although the Justice Of that
name violently protested that they
didn't goldbrlck me-" The protest
did not avail, and tho president OF the
trust was sentenced to four hours' pri-
vate conversation with Attorney Ben
eral Wickersham.
An appeal for an injunction to pre-
vent Bryan from again running for
the presidency was denied by Justice
Aldrich. who said: ooh; let him run.
What difference does 1T maker"
Attorney General Wickersham ask
ed for an Injunction to restrain Champ
Clark from annexing Canada, but one
OF the justices suggested reciprocal
action by inviting Canada to annex
Champ Clark.
petition to prevent the Taft boom
ers from grabbing the presidential
nomination from Bob La Toilette, was
denied on the ground that at Is no
crime to take candy from child"
In the stirring ballad OF Barbara
Frietchie." which was dramatized for
this occasion. was shown the rough
window of the little cottage In Fred
erick. Nd. when StonewaIl JackSon's
troops passed through the old town.
Framed in the easement was the face
OF Uncle Joe" Cannon. representing
the standpat element. while the Con-
federate leader was depicted as La
Toilette in the little military process
sion. with melodramatic effect the
troops halted, and musketry crashed.
Then Barbara leaned out on her win
dow sill,
And shook her banner with royal
Shoot If you must, this old gray
head
But spare your party's flag. she
said"
AS the troops withdrew the reader
gave the last stanza. as follows:
The party flags may come and GO,
It's own fair flag flies full and free
Spotlight on American fIag)
For every party and for you and me-"
Real Grand Opern.
Genuine grand opera by the Grldiron
Quartet and Chorus was novel feat
ure OF the entertainment Faust"
somewhat condensed, was the act. but
1t was distorted from its high moral
purpose to demonstrate the certainty
~ No ,,If 10
represented by standpa ttism. The
shade of the immortal bard, Dante.
being still in quest of knowledge,
made another pilgrimage 10 hen,
where he discovered some ancient
friends, such as Marguerite Demo-
crazy. Progressive Faust and Standpat
McDhisto. who rs never wholly down
and out Faust. pursued by Miss
Democracy. declared. Next year is leap
year. She Is on my trail" The an
Client lady reto1ted in song, charging
ingratitude and hatefulness. declaring
that the thanks OF Progrcssives should
be Democracy's due
Marguerite Democracy next warbled
message she had received from Ro-
bert La Toilette, asking her to be "hts
valentine" She sang:
"He is flirting with me: he's always
near:
He smiles out like lover; on each
magazine cover,
When his features see. am filled
with fear.
am filled. am filed. with fear"
at Mephisto's demand n ballet an
pcared, Its members included Miss
Independence League" who complain
ed that she was broke" She sang:
II think Bill Hearst has quit for
keeps Miss Prohibition" warbled
the story OF how near she came to
losing her home way down in Maine: -
Miss Socialism, announced. "I don't
want any dynamite; just give me
Continued on Twoifth Paga5