The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-03-01
SUBSCRIBER COMES BACK.
Never Could Find Anything He Read
About.

1AST the protesting elevator mai
and the equally indignant Office
boy he had forced his way
square up t the desk Of the manag.
ing editor. There was fire in his eye.
"Yes, SIR" be announced with angry
precision. i've come back! Just be-
u Jeffries couldn't come back |
s'pose you thought nobody couldn't
You had an idee you could 60 right on
bunkoing folks without anybody say
ing Boo! There's my card. I'm the
darn fool that's been taking your
paper for the last thirty years."
"Really. MIR. a-a-Judson. I'm moi
acquainted with the subscription
lists"
"You amt? s'pose you'li say you
don't remember a letter l wrote you q
year ago when I got that $3.50 LETT
me?'
"H'm-a"-
"Oh, you do remember It. do yei
And maybe you remember that I
wrote l was going to spend the mon
ey looking up the things I'd read about
in your paper for the last thirty
years?"
Ibid you do it?"
Ibid l do it? The first place | went
to was Northa mpton. Mass. Do you
remember the piece you printed in 81
about Northampton. Mass.Y"
ut wasn't a strike. was it,"
"No, sir. it wasn't a strike. nor a fire
0 a cyclone. 1t was a piece about
girl that had slept steady for eight
weeks without a bite to eat"
"Vell. was she awake when you 30,
there?"
"NO. sir. Sht. wasn't wake when
got there. and she wasn't asleeI
neither-she wasn't nowhere. AnG
when I asst the people that lived i1
Northampton all their lives what dc
You s'pose they told mey"
II haven't an idea"
"Thny say that girl never lived there
at all: that there never was such d
girl. and that nobody eve heard o1
her except in your paper"
"Tm sorry said the editor. hoping
to stein the TRADE.
"In make yon sorrier before l ge
through with yon. Do you remember
that piece you published in 'SG abou'
the spring in Big Bend. Ark. that raj
lemon phosphate"
'"Can't say l recall exactly
Don't matter. I can prove it becu;
I've got the clipping in my scrap book
Well. Big Bend was the first place
went"
what was the matter? Did tn
spring run wild cherry?"
"No, sir, tame cherry. nor sarsa
PARTLY. nor chocolate ice cream sOdy
There amt II spring in town. and wheT
I asst folks about it they laffed-yes. sir
they lated"
81 deeply regret
And in Peaberry. Minoy. Amo
wilkins took a shotgun to me when
dropped in to inquire about the burie'
treasure that you said he dug up il
his orchard in nineteen-five. So man.
folks had asst him about the treasur
he'd never found that he'd gone clea,
out of his head"
Put fortunately you escaped?"
Eyes. sir, I escaped to find that Their
amt any fisherman by the name O
Terwilliger Rotts at N~ewburyport an
that he never saw no sea serpent; tina
haunted house out in Vermilion. SoutI
Dakota, never was haunted. and tn
escaped meenagerie near Tucson. Ar!
iona, didn't escape at all. There neve
was q wild man at Paterson, Nev
Jersey: Susie Wtllets at Sun Prairie
Nebrasky. never even saw an eagle
and you says she was carried of b
one Richard ]. Jensen at the Univel
sity Of Minnesota didn't invent a ms
chine to undress him. and Lottie L
Rou. the well known show girl. doesn'
carry around four young boa constrit
tors to play with between acts. But
amt mean. Mr.. Editor. I'm going t
give you a true piece to write up
your paper. Just have somebody writ
down this: At the age Of sixty-6v
Oscar F. Judson Of Oskowee, Wis, b.
gun licking editors - And II the r.
ligious editor and the foreman hadn'
happened in Mr.. Judson would hav
begun very we'll indeed.-Horatio VIII
slow In Puck.