davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
GLOBE SIGHTS.
[From the Atchison Globe.I

From the Atch1SOn GIODe.I
A good judge of whisky isn't apt
to be a good judge of anything else
No one should ever get so lonesome Q
he counts a parrot good company.
At some of the showers given
brides-to-be, it doesn't rain very hard.
Imagine a man making a meal on
lettuce sandwiches; some severe test.
No one is greatly interested in the
fight for the top of the second di-
vision.
Another important question to be
settled: Did anyone ever wear out a
bathrobe?
If a girls steady is too steady, he
is apt to become unsteady on his job
down town.
The fact that man isn't afraid of
ghosts is no great proof of his ex-
ceeding courage.
Has anyone ever located the alum
old-fashioned women said was in bak-
ers bread.
Neither is there anything in the no
tion that it doesn't cost anything to
travel on pass.
An advance agent should also be in
cluded among those who think there
is plenty of time.
Working some fathers is about as
hard a way as any of working ones
way through school
After a man has broken the ice in
the matter or lawsuits ne gets lnLO
them easily enough.
It is a sign one is growing old when
he depends on others to catch his hat
when it blows away.
Speaking of blasted hopes, there
seem to be many Of the white variety
destined to go that wa
Buttons do pull off occasionally, but
no man ever got married in order to
have someone sew them on
An agent might sell US bum books,
but he can't make us believe young
rabbit is as good as chicken
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
.LAYHAWKER -JOTS

If sense and cents were synony-
nous terms. says the Jewell County
Monitor. many rich folks would be
wiser than they are.
Anna Carlson observes in her
Lindsborg News that unusually it's
the man with the small foot who feels
called upon to do the kicking"
Attention is directed by the Madison
Spirit to these facts: The prettiest bird
doesn't sing the sweetest song nor does
the prettiest COW give the richest milk
It's the idea of the Yates Center
much whether your ancestors came
across in the Mayfower as it does
whether you came across at the gro
Gerry store or not.
Explained by the Hope Dispatch:
Have you noticed that only occasional
ly you see an editor who has his pants
properly pressed? That is because he
cannot spare the time to go to bed
while the pantatorium man does the
job.
Related by the Jewell County Mon
itor: A stranger in a printing office
asked the young apprentice what his
rule of punctuation was. 81 set up as
long as I can hold my breath and then
I put in a comma, when gap insert
a semicolon, and when I want a chew
of tobacco, I make a paragraph"
A birth announcement by Gas
away the Gas Gu1ch correspondent
of the Wilson County Citizen: The
stork visited Pa Troutman for the last
time Saturday night. It was another
boy. This makes eight sons and four
daughters, and he is still the live list
man in the gulch, so all bow to him
that are in the clothing business.
A bill of lumber was sold to farm
er from the Office of Mr. Haw1ey few
days ago when the following amusing
conversation took place while the lum-
Der was being loaded on the wagon:
ssI am glad" said the farmer. that
those boards have so many knots in
them" Being rather startled at this
remark, Mr.. Hawley anxiously in
quired why. why" said the farmer,
eff it wasn't for those knots there
wouldn't be anything left but holes.'-
Herington Sun.
Advice from the Scott County Re-
publican to farmers who are annoyed
by tramps: If the farmer who is an
noyed by tramps would install a
squint-eyed bull pup in the front yard,
his troubles would be over. Nothing
will drain the gall tank of a hungry
hobo quicker than the sight of a bow
legged, open-faced bull dog with teeth
like a Jack-o-lantern. You can turn
the hose on a tramp or push his face
in with hoe without driving him off
the walk, but let an eager bull dog
camp on His back porch long enough
to take up the slack in his trousers
and he will remove himself from the
premises so fast that his legs will look
like the spokes in a manure spreader.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago Newsl


Better live dog than a still alarm.
Consider the running expenses Of a
fast young man.
Don't cry-unless there's some one
around with a tear mop.
Many an honest dollar acquires a
taint through association.
If a mother says her boy is "sensi-
tive it's a safe bet that he is spoiled.
When a, cyclone gets busy with a
mans property it's an awful blow
A voman's clothes do not matter so
much If her complexion pleases her
It's awfu1ly hard for girl to forgive
the right young man for not kissing
her.
The average man doesn't think he Is
having a good time unless he makes a
fool of himself.
Some men never succeed in putting
their best foot forward because they
are unable to decide which one It is.
AS long as there are people in the
world who try to get something for
nothing, lot Of other people win be
able to i've without work.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
Honse plans Retarded.

If whoever becomes president on
March 4, 1913, should see ht to call an
extra session Of the new congress I'M
mediately, the house of representatives
will have AZ members for whom there
will be no seats. The reapportionment
law provides for house Of 433 mem
bers, who will be chosen at the gen.
eral election next fall. The present
house contains 391 members, and is
crowded at that, there being room for
no more seats Of the present style.
The elaborate plans for reconstruct
ing the hall of the house have been
laid aside for at least two years, be-
cause there will be no opportunity to
do the work. The first regular session
of the present congress will begin in
December, and will be known as the
long session. Ordinarily It lasts until
July, although it may be cut short
somewhat next year by the arrival of
the date for the national political con-
ventions. Following that, the second
regular session will begin in Decem-
ber, 1912, and the interval between
these two is not long enough to per-
nit of the work being done. The pres
ent congress will expire on March 4,
1913 and then there will be an oppor-
tunity, provided no extra session in
tervenes. superintendent Woods of
the capitol estimates that practically
all of the time between March 4 and
the following December will be needed
to remodel the hall Of the house If
work is started later than March Is. It
probably can not be completed by the
first Monday in ecember.-Washing
ton correspondence Brooklyn Eagle.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
QUAKER AfEDITATToNs-

lF'rom the Philadelphia Record
Bad news should be broken gently
Also bad eggs.
Liquid glances will often make a fel-
low solid with a girl
A new novel IS called The Sponge
It should be absorbing
The office that seeks the man has 20
play blind mans bum with him.
When man gives you a pointer n
often turns out to be a disappointer.
When a man cant make both ends
meet you can generally see his finish.
Even the woman who makes rp NAV
draw the line at penciling her eye
brows.
Every man to his trade. And yet the
ball player IS a better Judge OF dfa-
monds than the 1eweler IS OF basebaT.
Scribbler's poetry rtrilxea
me as being rather clumsy siobbs-.
Clumsy Why. 1t positively trips over
its own feet"
ITS a wise child that knows its own
father" quoted the Wise Guy. And a
wise cork that knows its own nor -
added the Simple Mug
What do you think my opera needsg-,
asked the composer. do you think ff
should be cut2'' Yes, / should eav
your opera needs an operation re-
piled the manager wearily.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

cooler: I will be out in a minute when
nnlsh strengthening up things"
Nanny and Mrs. Warren left. and as
David fingered Nanny called back u
wan to ask you about your new car.
We are thinking of getting one soon."
BUT David did not respond to her
my lnvltat10n. TN be out presently, he
said Then he turned to Phoebe. ''Just
the same little Phoebe" he stood
looking down at her
There was something in his voice
tnat made her say hastily: you'd
work to do
You're not going to work" he told
ner- You were never made to work
Phoebe / remember you up there on
the old place with a half dozen SER
wants to do your bidding. and you
used to wear white dresses like this.
and a rose in your hair"
But my dress is so old-fashioned." ="
Phoebe said. In her earnestness she
laid her hand on his arm why, David,
Nanny Blair says that I look as if I
came out of the ark
bluntly.
,r. But she has such pretty things"
her in evening dress, David"
His face softened as he looked down
at her. SO you like pretty things?
Come to think Of 1t, you'd look lovely
in white satin and pearls, Phoebe"
On MISS RnoeDe gaSpe0, 1 can't
imagine anything prettier, David"
Then you shall have them" said
David decidedly, and as she drew away
from him he caught her in his arms
and held her.
Don't you know that is what I've
come back for, Phoebe? I've always
wanted to marry you, and since I've
seen you I want to more than ever.
Mary's got the society bee in her bon
net, and she almost sets me crazy. 1
want to come back here and live as you
used to live in the quiet old colonial
house with a half dozen servants. I
have enough money so we can go to
town now and then, and the car will
help us to get around where we can
see people, and as for the white satin
and pearls you can wear them on your
wedding day, Phoebe"
why, DavidP' Phoebe protested
''You're-you're taking everything in
your own hands"
He laughed and drew her to him.
''I'n afraid you will fly away If
DON'T he said.
In the shelter of his arms Phoebe
murmured, IT wonder what Nanny
Blair will say?''
Nanny can be your bridesmaid"
said David promptly, "and now let US
go over and look at the white lilacs,
Phoebe"
They went out of the back door and
crept through the early twilight with
stea1thy steps, while on the porch
Nanny Blair and Mrs. Warren made
plans for the future, which were all to
be frustrated by David's declaration to
the lady of his copyrighted,
1911, by Associated Literary Press.)
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

Above all other people, it is up to
the residents of Topeka and Shawnee
county, especially. to patronize the
state fair in generous fashion It is
almost civic duty that they owe to
their community.
| If the present state fair is made a
tremendous success from the stand
point Of attendance it means a per-
manent institution for Topeka that
will be of untold value to the city in
advertising it to the four ends of the
country and developing it in many
material ways. It means, in all prob
ability that when the time comes
for the state of Kansas to go into the
state fair business in a proper man
ner, that fair viii be located in To-
peka. Surely there could be no
better nucleus for such a fair in the
matter of permanent and adequate
equipment than that which Topeka
now has. Certainly there is nothing
to compare with this equipment in
any other fair center in Kansas.
Are not such ends worth striving
after? Assuredly they are. And there
is only one way to attain them. It is
by a generous patronage of the fair.
That it will be an agricultural exhi-
was patent to every one who visited
the grounds today. It is little short
of remarkable that the fair has been
developed in such a short time to such
wonderful proportions. Secretary
Cook has shown himself to be gen
ius as a fair builder. He has been
helped a lot by the wide-awake pub
lie spirited citizens of Topeka who are
associated with the fair management.
They have given freely of their
time and energy to help make the fair
what it is. Their only reward will be
a knowledge that they have succeeded
in creating a fair which is a credit to
Topeka. Shawnee county and the
state of Kansas.
The voters of Shawnee county were
liberal in voting money to equip the
fair grounds in an adequate way. But
they did not complete their duty to
the fair by voting this money. They
will not complete that duty unless
they make it a point to go to the
fair. unless they help to swell the at
tendance figures to record-breaking
size
Every Topelzan, every person in
Shawnee county who goes to the fair
where he will get much more than
his moneys worth will be putting in
a nail or adding a brick to the build
ing and development of Topeka and
Shawnee county to larger and more
important proportions.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
Telegranh Pole q Jail.

Western Pacific trainmen running
from Oroville to Ger1ach bring the
news that that town is to lose its Jail.
which is said to be the only one Of its
kind in the country. The jail consisted
of chains attached to a telegraph pole.
On the post was nailed the sign Ger
ZACH City Jail" Offenders. after being
found guilty, simply had the chain at
tached to their ankles and were left
there to spend their term. Others were
kept there awaiting trial in a Justice
court Now word has been received
by the town officials that a new port
able steel jail is on its way to Gerlach.
in which prisoners are to be confined
in the future.
Gerlach is a Western Pacific railroad
division point on the edge of the Ne
vada desert. Its total population is
less than 100. but, like most new rail
road towns, it has an undu1y large pro-
portion of undesirable citizens whose
presence made a jail an absolute ne
cessity.-Orovi11e (Ca1). dispatch TO
Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Awkward persons usually manage to
get there in one way or another.
X
In the course of a mans life the
disillusionments are many and varied
X X X
Any number of people waste a lot
OF mental energy in thinking about
what might have been.
X X X
Samples of everything are generally
much better than the subsequent run
Of the article.
The wise man is properly suspicious
of anything that Is offered to him free
of charge
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
HUE0R or THE D<Y

He won a dozen watermeIons at a
rattle, and died while eating them" Ny
myF' exclaimed Brother Dickey. "he had
a taste O Paradise TO he got dari'-
Atlanta Constitution.
do you think a gentleman has any ex-
cuse for getting into barroom fight7p
Not unless he has his gang with him.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Hook-Harduppe just gave me back that
dollar he borrowed last week. Nye-
What was the matter with ft-counterfait7 ?
Philadelphia Record
Lawyer-You're the biggest swindler in
this town House ARent-Slri You for
get yourselfi-London Opinion.
Mrs Pinhead-You said before we vvere
married that my word should be law Mr.
Pinhead-That was before 1 found out
that the law was unconstitutional
The Cop-Whfch OF these houses do 30,
i've in? Mr. Jaggs-Talse me all long me
street lemme try every door and fbe
only one can't open fish mine.-Puclz.
The Chicago woman was on the us,no..
stand. Are you married or unrnarrIe-5 5ss
thundered the counsel for the defens'a
unmarried Tour times. replied the Wit
ness, Observation-Disclosures Record
do you think people are really making
any progressz That we actually gain m
knowledge and worthiness2" sCerfainl,t
" my, hardly any woman blcaches her
hair now-'-Cihcago Record-Herald.
That's a pretty good idea Of the rrrencJ,
playwright who IS willing to fight anr5
body who criucises him. I'd like 70 So
our American playwrights Initiate him.
But some OF them might be kiTfaN %
why, yes. OF course. '-cieveiand PIsir
Dealer. SCI"
Mrs knieker-It isn't what you pay for
clothes that makes you well dreeeed NJ
Bocker-No. indeed; it's what Won 80. p
New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
FROM OTHER PENS
AN ENGLISH ExPEDIENT.

There is a new business in London
which has grown out of the complaint
regarding the increased cost of living.
House bills specialists the people who
follow it call themselves, and the ser
vice which they undertake to perform
is to check and pay the tradesmen's S
accounts of large households. Their
patrons, or patronesses rather, are
chiefly society women who have no
time for the scrutiny of bills.
A London letter says the pioneer
firm s. first customer was an American
peeress, the Countess of Essex, whose
experience during her entertaining
campaign this season gave her a start
ling insight into the methods of West
End tradesmen. The next customer
was the Countess Of Chesterfield, one
of the famous Wilson beauties. who is
noted for her extravaganza. The spe-
ciaIists receive 21k per cent of the
amounts saved, it IS stated, and they
are already doing a lucrative business.
Judging by the average experience
on this side Of the Atlantic, an import
ant element in the high cost of living
is the toll which is taken by the mid
dlemen-those whose activities are in
terposed between the producer and the
consumer, som etimes rewarding them
with a large proportion of the price
paid by the latter than that which
reaches the former. It is a curious
circumstance that the English pallia-
tive for the high cost of living involves
an addition to the number of inter-
mediaries.- Milwaukee Wisconsin
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
LTrTLE-BOY-TOw-HEAD,

Little-Boy-Tow-Head
Has wondering eyes,
Eyes that question our vain replies,
For in his heart are many why's and why's
-Boy-ToW-Head
-Boy-ToW- Head
he wants just to know
What makes the rain, and what the snow,
When and whence he came, and whittier
he'll go,
-Boy-ToW-Head
ittle-Boy-Tow-Head
That we can't tell
We only know. here we must dwell,
And hope and pray that all will be well.
ittle-Boy-Tow-He
Head,
In this ufe's span,
Humans are doing-the best they can,
And all that's asked is: Just be a man" :"
ttle-Boy-ToW-H Head.
ROB. NJ. CAMPBELL
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

opening of the public schools there and
continue until they close next spring.
The final champions of the cities and
townships will meet at the close of the
school term for spell down. This
ought to re-awaken an interest in
spelling among the school children of
that county, and something of that
sort Is needed in every county in each
state of the Union. One Of the mar
vels of the present day public educa-
tionaI system is the poor spoilers it
turns out.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

Lynn police are now equipped with
paper clubs. This does not mean that
the policemen will be any milder in ar
bitrating future differences with law
breakers.
The paper clubs are harder and
tougher than the hickory sticks and
were adopted after the patrolmen had
shown the police committee that some
of their harder headed pensioners.
who put up a fight and had to be sub
dued by force, had shattered the
wooden clubs and thus disarmed the
officers of the law.-Lynn (Mass.) dis
patch to New York Times.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

A tremendous shortage in the raw
sugar crop is put forward by the sugar
trust as the reason for the many ad-
vances that have been made of late in
the price of sugar. But this won't pre-
vent other paople from thinking that
the sugar trust is arbitrarily raising
the price of sugar for the purpose of
recouping the several million dollars it
was forced to pay over to the federal
government for the customs and weigh
ing frauds it perpetrated
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
REFLECTIONS OF a HACHELoF
LFrom the New york Press.1

Real friends in numbers are about
as hard to get as a. lot of money
The best part to a girl of being
kissed by a man is not letting him so
he'll do il again.
The reason a woman can smile so
sweetly at a rival is she always means
just the other thing.
It's the man who knows better
from experience than to speculate that
goes and does it first chance.
Literature that improves the mind
is what people want their children to
read because they never would them
selves
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
THE PRIME OF LIFE.

A Cleveland manufactures who has
just celebrated his ninety-fourth birth
day and still insists on working six
days in the week Goes not approve of
men who at so contemplate retirement.
"a man of 50 who has good health is
in his prime he AYERS "and it would
be the greatest folly for vigorous
man at that age to settle down to a life
of inglorious ease"
There are plenty of examples of men
who, even beyond the Scriptural limit
of tkreescore and ten, adhere to the
gallant creed of this nonagenarian and
declined to be Os1erized or laid on the
shelf as senile nonproducers. with only
the lees of the wine of living to them.
There is John BigeloW. journalist and
diplomatist, at SO. He does not mind
birthday more or less; age cannot
witTer his brisk, indefatigable spirit,
and the years have no power over his
trenchant pen. Sir Joseph Hooker, the
English botanist, is Bigelow's twin
alike in years and in perennial insen-
escence. Then there is that promising
youth, Sir Charles Tupper, who is
about so. and Lord Strathcona, the
other grand young man of the Domin-
ion, is a year older. Joseph H Choate
has said there is no decade in life like
the eighth, and at the turning point
into the ninth he may consider that he
has proved his point-PhiladeIph
Ledger
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

'Beattie to die wrote some of the
enthusiastic telegraph editors for
headlines for the news that the Jury
had found the young man guilty of
murder in the first degree. They
seemed to forget that the Beattie fam
lily is wealthy and able to hire clever
lawyers to carry the case to the higher
and highest courts. There's many a
slip between a verdict OF guilty and
the final adjustment of a moose or the
straps in an electric chair.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers OF the State Journal
away from home during the summer
may have the paper mailed regulaFiE :
each day to any address at the rate OF
month (by mail only. Address
changed as often as desired. White
DT.t OF town the State Journal Will be
20 you like a daily letter from home.
Advance payment is requested or
these short time subscriptions, TO sRvS
bookkeeping expenses
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

action when they imagine their coun-
try's honor has been assailed. but the
PEOPLE the world over are generally
opposed to the enormous taxes that are
levied on them to pay the bills Of such
rnilitarisrn
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

It is not likely that Roosevelt's Wig
orous plea fer the preservation of war
will meet with the favor of the corn-
mon people in all lands, the people
who foot the bills. It is all very well
to have pretty and powerful armies.
and wonderful navies for sons Of Mars
to review. yell bully at. and put into
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

You don't have to take any ones
word for it that the state fair is a won
der. Go and see for yourself. Seeing
is believing in matter of this kind.
And after you have satisfied yourself
on this point be sure and tell your
friends about it,
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

Nor must it be forgotten that the
pugnacicus Colonel Roosevelt was in
favor Of arbitration. decided upon and
put in operation by a third party, for
the settlement of the war CT a few years
ago between capital and labor that was
incident to the big coal strike.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11
AS TO POIITENEss.

The thing that costs less than almost
anything else and brings In the largest
returns, is po1iteness. This does not
mean that you should allow yourself
to be bored and your valuable time
wasted by a book agent or a promoter
of get-rich-quick schemes. When one
of these invades your premises the
thing to do is to politely inform him
that you are busy, with neither time or
money to waste. If this does not work
politely show him the door.-Ho1ton
Recorder.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

Colonel Roosevelt's Characterization
of the proposed general arbitration
treaties between the United States and
foreign countries as a peace of cow
ards will not enhance his popularity
very much in FINLAND and France.
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

]. A Farrell, president of the United
States Steel corporation, predicts that
Duluth will become a great world
seaport" What does the au-power-
full STEEL trust propose to do? Move
Duluth to the sea or move the sea to
D14ir1fb9
The Topeka state journal., 1911-09-11

No activity of the state board of
health is to better purpose than its
rigid enforcement of the laws and reg
u'ations insisting that hotel properties
he kept clean and in thoroughly sani-
tarv condition.