The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1911-02-02
\ Lazy Man $
Scheme
By M. QUAD
Copyright. 1910. by Associated Lii,
erary Press

cooper of Ellenville-that is. when he
had an order and was not too lazy he
constructed a barrel or Il frkin. He
was fat. good natured and utterly
without ambition. AS in most such
cases. the wife earned most of the
support. Jonathan had reached his
forty fifth year and wasn't worrying at
all as to how the future years We're
going with him when stranger en-
tered his shop one day and found him
chewing at a shaving. The stranger
introduced himself as Brown He was
the homeliest man in the village.
Brown said:
'Mebbe you want a job that will pay
you good money!"
1t was all of two minutes before
Jonathan asked if there was any hard
work connected with it.
mot bit" was the answer. You
are simply to travel around with me.
You'll be my secretary and take down
names and dates. That will be all for
the present Twenty dollars a week
and expenses, and you are to keep
your mouth shut. Can you start in to-
morrow
anyhow. After another talk with
Brown it was settled that way, and
then the latter said:
Eve will now take walk around
the village together. Here is note
book and pencil. and your duties as
secretary begin at once. shall talk
to people in way, and they will have
something to say in return. Write it
down Write down the names of any
other persons oyerhearing the remarks.
Be sure of your figures"
Jonathan and Brown walked to the
postoffice. There was quite crowd
hanging around the place. 1t was soon
understood that the stranger was deaf
and dumb, and Mr. Johnston. the mer-
chant, remarked in the hearing of
three or four others:
'sWen, of all the man-gorillas ever
heard tell Of this fellow takes the cake!
Jonathan, where did you pick him
upY'
"oh, he's purity smart feller." was
the reply.
SMART" echoed the grocer. "Why,
you have only to look at him to see
that he's born fool. 1t ought to be
against the law for such critters to be
at large"
Then the other dry goods man had a
slurring remark to make, and the rail-
road agent had something to say, and
Browns secretary filed three pages Of
his notebook with good evidence. Be-
fore the day was over he had twelve
pages. No one had word in favor Of
Brown. He was called all sorts of
names, and when he appeared to ask
questions in the deaf and dumb Ian
guage he was almost hooted at
The next day the pair started OF in
a horse and buggy and did not return
until they had visited every village in
two counties.
By and by that notebook was full Of
memoranda to the last page and then
there was return to Ellenville There
was but one lawyer in the place. 1t
was afterward remembered that he
had never said aught against Brown.
he had listened to others, but had said
nothing himself. When he and Brown
and Jonathan drove over to the county
seat town in company one day nothing
strange was thought Of it. but sur
prise party was on hand. Within a
couple Of days all the constables in the
county were serving summonses on
people who had slandered Brown.
When Ellen county was finished the
constables in Rockaway county took
up the work. The number Of summons
served in both counties was 1853. Each
one was for defamation of character
and asked for $4,000 damages. The
recipients of these legal papers greet
ed their service with laughter, but the
laughing did not last tong. Those who
engaged lawyers and started in to fight
the matter We're confronted with dates,
names and expressions used and had
to admit they were correct When they
had done this they had no defense, and
In each and every case were advised
to settle.
There are always clients who will
pay lawyers fees and then take their
own way. A few Of the victims band
ed together and resisted the suits.
Then It came out that Brown had been
referred to as fool, dummy, an
idiot, a hedge fence, gorilla, a mon
key, skunk, lunatic, what-is-it,
coon. freak and some forty other
names, and those who had refused him
food and shelter because he was not
pretty to look upon found ruin staring
them in the face. The verdict on the
contested suits was for the plaintiff,
with heavy damages, and the others
fell over themselves to settle.
Brown and Jonathan were not too
hard hearted. No extortion was prac-
ticed, but at the end of six months,
when the last case had been settled,
there was goodly pot OF money.
Jonathan received his salary and a
good bit more, and when Brown was
ready to depart he said to him:
Jonathan, never work when You
can avoid it,
II never have and never SHALL" was
the renIv