The Washington bee., 1911-04-08
Public Men And Thinps.
(By the Sage of the Potomac.)
(Bv the Sac Of the Potomac }

discussing handsome men. You know,
Lafayette IS so versatile that his con
versation roams from Virgil to The
Horizon, and takes side trips to all
other subjects. Discussing what re
mote sons of Ham were handsome,
LAFAYETTE, in that unique way of his,
and with some hesitation and trepida-
ltion-peculiar to him alOne-said: {:
I"Now, there's Major Fillmore; he's
handsome from his waist up: but from
his waist down, the less said the bet
ter" OF course, l had to agree with
Hershaw, for who could dispute his
carefully and methodicaliy made as
sertion. How about Bob Harlan?" l
asked the erudite professor from the
Cracker State. "Oh?'-and right here
he punctuated his discourse with
five minutes pause-"Well, Bob is as
handsome as any other white man"
And the Professor who is up" on the
Bible, and the Koran, too, gave a mer-
~ wink that suggested a Horizon in
look"
We'll, Professor" I measuredly
asked, as we neared Barry's mint ju-
lep rendezvous on Fourteenth street.
what do you think of Professor Lay
tons physical beauty, from the view
point of a MANI" oh" returned the
Professor, as he cleared his throat,
and emitted the cotton from his throat
1--WE are almost to Barry's mint bed
now)-''the Professor has a fine con-
ception Of music" But, Professor
Hershaw," l suggested, you fail to
get next to my inquisition. What
want is your opinion of Professor
Layton's beauty-his manly beauty"
Yes, | see" remarked the savant
from Georgia, Professor Layton
rides a motorcycle now" Observing
that the pride of Georgia was running
a dead heat on Professor Layton,
shifted to Shelby Davidson. What
thinkest thou of the bonne ct belle
Shelby Davidson? or, in other words,
will you elucidate upon the proper
tions of this masculine Cui fortuna
ipsa cedit?" Now, when I spewed out
this bunch of French, and then fol-
lowed it up with a Latin curve, the
Professor concluded l was somebody |
1--WE were just then entering Barry's
ice-cream parlor)-and he remarked, |
with a grave arch of the eyebrows, |
and with a hesitation in speech that
suggested the Professor had not been
in Barry's since the day before:
When Shelby gets on those white
flannel trousers, white shoes, and
gray hat with a purple band, he's
CONNIE il fait. In PLAN English, he's
the limit of endurance" By this time
we were looking at ourselves in Bar
rvs mirror, and had before us one of
Barry's celebrated Cascade fzzes; so
Shelby was forgotten while we con-
templated Rum, rum; Jamaica rum"
from safe distance.
Now, speaking about Shelby David
son, reminds me he is just now in the
spotlight Shelby usually sees to it
that he gets into the spotlight upon
the least provocation. You know,
Shelby Is a lawyer very erudite
in law, and were it not that
Kentucky now has a representa-
tive on the Supreme Court bench In
Justice Harlan, Shelby Davidson
would now, perhaps, be wearing the
judicial ermine. Shelby consulted the
insurance actuaries, and when inform
ed that Justice Harlan had many years
yet before him, and thus seeing his
chance of getting on the bench under
the present administration, Shelby
donned his overalls and worked out
patent to ali adding machine. Some
men strike their altitude by accident.
Over in the big Post Office building
they think variegatedly-attired Shelby
Davidson is an early June pea-and he
is, when it comes to knowledge of
adding machines. Some people think
Shelby's wearing apparel is louder
than a note from Black Patti, but they
are not near so loud as his mechanical
ability. He's a fertile-brained fellow,
long on the theory of law, but short
on the practice. Short on physical
beauty, but long on the knowledge of
machines used as tabulatOTS. Shelby,
some years ago, pined to become head
of his office, but they couldn't hear his
application for the loud noise his
clothes made Then he prepared him
self for the Supreme Court bench, but
Justice Harlan wouldn't resign in his
favor. Finally, in sheer desperation,
he made study of adding machines,
and now he's the expertest expert IN
town, and second to none in the coun-
try Davidson has made a safe and
SutN pluNC III liilliONiA III LlAN Wv II II
ment service, and now just watch this
bundle of rainbow clothes and .niti-
ative brain rise. Shelby, take 1t from
me, you are the goods!
x :. x
It's just over the river from Ken
lucky to Ohio, so it's easy to jump
from the lavender-perfumed Shelby
Davidson to that fierce son of Mars,
Major Charles Fillmore, who halls
from some seaport in Ohio. Since the
Major moved from over IN the arls-
toCratic and exclusive lie Drolt Park,
where navigate and perambulate, L
seldom see his manly form. The Ma
jor has not resigned his position, to
my knowledge, during the last week.
You know, some four years ago he
started the Tumor that he was gong
to resign and start a million-dOllar in
surance company He renewed the
rumor every thirty days; renewed 1t
so often that really he began to be-
lieve himself that he would resign.
But like few others of US, who need
the coin every fifteen days, the gallant
Major never could get the dumbness
out of his right paw sufficiently long
to sign a carefully prepared resigna-
ton. The result IS that he's still
| drawing some sixten hundred simo-