Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-09-21
He took on IS pounds aid is too heavy

L HUM.
Hank Purdy's wife says Hank
smokes all the time. but Hank says
this amt so. He never smokes when
he is asleep.
Bud Perkins is so stingy hat he
stole a ham so that he could be sent
to the county Jail and get q hair cut
for nothing.
No man is such Il failure in life that
he doesn't believe he is still qualified
to write in and tell the editor how to
run the paper.
eyeglasses and nose glasses. but IL
there is one. it has never been re-
Nealed to me.
a town without a brass band is like
a family without IL monograph. 1t ia
liable to worry along and have Il pretty
good time In life.
Miss Lutte Sphinx. our village MILL
rcr, says competition is so fierce in her
line that there amt moro than 500 per
cent profit In trimmed hats any mOre.
and she is inkin OF goin' out of bust
ness.
Hank Prouty went to Doc. Hanks.
our dentist and veterinary surgeon.
and had "A tooth pulled and it hurt
like Tophet. Hank yelled: Look
here, Doc, you advertise that YOU are
y painless dentist and l think you are
a denged liar" Doc. said: II I'M q
painless dentist. 1t don't hurt me
none"
The railroad that runs through our
pace Is SO crooked that the engineer
kin gossip with the passengers in the
last coach about half the lime The
other day the cowcatcher scratched a
lot of paint offn the Pullman sleeper
and h fireman borrowed a chaw OF
tobackcr from the porter OF the chair
car.
1 In thN no6ap 1O 40 q man Cnit1dnsf no
a preacher unless he wore Il long-tailed
coat. a white lawn tie and an air OF
deep melancholy. blu things have
changed. Rev. Frrink. of u village.
wore a pair Of white duck pants to
the Sunday school picnic and there
are those who say that he is learning
to play on the monograph.
A Teller stopped at Lem DOaks' house
the other day and said: II have here
a new talkin' machine that never runs
down and ! am introducing It," Lem
said: stranger. IL you'll just step in
the house. Ri Introduce you to an old
talkin' machine that don't never run
down. either. She has just got home
from the SEWN circle"
There was a proposition to put some
stained gass winders In III Hard She'll
meetin' house and they he'd a church
cided. that. as long as they was payin'
out good money for the winders. they
might as we'll a nice clear glass that
wasn't tame or otherwise damaged.
Cd Man Hicks said p'raps a little al
cohol and soap and water might take
the stains off but nobody paid no at
tention to him..
Rufus Hardscrabble, proprietor OF
our general store. has reported to
Constable Hank Frisby that some Gull
pert has picked the lock on the bur
g%lar-proof cheese chest in his store,
Il n md tho fsnnutoh1n cnryn kh4 H~.-l,,r -
crime In this community has got to
stop. Only last week a travelin' drum
mer tied a thread to a 1-cent piece n
got three sticks OF gun out'n the gum
machine at the huttel instead of one,
which he was entitled to.
ITS ONE DRAWBACK.
They say that Esperanto is
A language that's beyond compare.
But one thing has been overlooked,
In Esperanto one can't swear.
This language new, will fail right
there.
Will Esperanto ever do
Fol him who gets up in the night,
To Marathon with squalling kid
Who kicks and sQuirms with all its
might?
When he treads firmly on a tack
His English will come back. all
right.
How will the chauffeur get along
When with a final wheeze n
grunt.
His car gives out nine miles from
home,
Which is not an unheard of stunt?
Will Esperanto be his choice
OF languages? Indeed, It won't.
The ultimate consumer. too.
When he finds that his coal is gone
And higher prices must be met.
Can Esperanto e'er suffice
To voice his burning thoughts? Not
yet.
OLD ADAM.
He didn't have a stylish wife
| Who followed all of fashions fads
With rats and hobble skirts n pads.
She never beggared his accounts
BY running bills of large amounts
For willow plumes and four-foot mats
And fancy high-heeled shoes and spats
She wore no jewels in her hair.
She ne'er had a desire to skip
To Europe for Il summer trip.
In social realms she didn't shine
And never had to stand in line
At swell receptions dressed to kill 8
There was no unpaid modiste's bill.
Though like all women everywhere,
| She never sulked about that fact,
But got along with wondrous tact.
The servants problem peeved her not.
She never worried DER her lot
| Or caused a single family Jar
Because she had no touring car.
| And last, but not the least to note.