The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1911-04-14

IHutS fUlr, ISN'T IL 7
We hare no wiSh to hurt dnybody's feeiings.
AH We rant TO do is to brighten one moment of
your dag; and If but one SingIe item brin1s q
smile, zoe shat feel ii lCdS not Written tn rain.
Presidential Primaries.
Primaries for nominations to the
Smile Club take place every day.
Special primary for the election of a
President, begins with this issue of
The Citizen. All candidates SHOULD
remember the Ma-we mean the
Editor. He cannot be bribed, GER
tainly not! The very idea!
Just try it once and see what you
get. You can run on any one of the
four tickets-The Hearty Laughter
ticket Democratic) the Gentle
Gurgle ticket (Republican) the
Loud Guffaw ticket (Socialst); and
the Wheeze ticket (Prohibition)
There may be as many Independent
tickets as Independent candidates, as
for instance the Ha Ha ticket; the
Smile in your sleeve ticket; the
grab, amt that funny ticket; the
Snort ticket, ETC., etc, etc. OF course
the Vice President will be elected on
the Crouch ticket.
All votes must be in by IL o'clock
noon, June 16.
Campaign expenses of the success
full candidates will be printed in de-
tail, with the exception of such items
as " doz smoked superfine gold band
cigar for the editor; cost of pleasure
trip to Irving's Cliff to sound editor
on tendency of campaign; auto ride
around the block; pair bedroom
slippers with Vote for Me- on the
soles; / free shave and hair cut for
the editor, l season fare in the troll
ley line for the editor, ETC., etc.
Every man, woman and child in
Wayne county may cast as many
votes as they wish. Repeaters win
not be dealt with according to the
law. Now, then, get busy and heave
your ballots for the Peoples choice
for President and Vice President of
the Smile Club.
The following were clipped and
contributed by an anonymous friend
who wishes to add to the gayety of
Citizen subscribers. Him we thank
for we got a good laugh ourselves
and we hasten to pass it along:
Senator John w. Kern, of Indiana,
tells a good story at the expense of
the late Senator Dan Voorhees,, a
great character in his home. 1t was
Democrats than Republicans had en-
listed in the Union army during the
rebellion. In one of his speeches he
made the assertion in an emphatic
way Greatly to Voorhees, embar-
rassment a Democrat in one of the
front rows sprang to his feet and
began to shout: Yes, it's true" he
vociferated. "Gol darn it, they
drafted u.s.
GO ask papa" the maiden said
The young man knew her pa was
dead;
He also knew the life he'd led.
And understood her when she said,
GO ask papa"
Somebody signing themselves
For the Love of It," wants to Join
the Smile Club, and the arises
What shall we do with, lads?"
"Ftloi' sends these:
If Dick Bracey had a boil would
Blanche Peirce it.
If he had no teeth could Bernard
Cavanaugh.
When your shave is over is viii
Reardon.
You ought to see the stingy little
hunk of paper this breezed in on:
If Lee Fie is well known in China
is Fred lie Strange in Germany?
The daughter of S. F. Wells wants
to know Witherbeeing a Hardenburg
Wood be any better than Wilsonville
and to let Dorflinger the answer just
to keep the Balla Rowland.
F. S. Keene joined the club with
this:
Two men of Ariel went fishing.
Dr. White got a six pound bass, what
did Mcfarland?
Well bite. What's the answer.
c. H. Dorfiinger wants to pay his
way into the Smile club with this.
Shall we let him? While at a hotel in
scranton, eating luncheon / overhead
a conversation between a guest and
waiter at the table opposite. The
guest was looking at the menu and
came to the item Chicken Hash"
"How's the hash?" he said to the
waiter.
well, sab, All dunno, sah."
Don't know? Aren't you the
''Jassah, Ah'se de waitah."
And you can't tell me about the
hash?"
No, sab, All shorely done can't
tell, sah."
We'll, but tell me just one thing:
is it fresh?" The black face
"Ah dunno, sab, ysee Alive only
been heah 2 months"
FOR COUNTY SUPERINTENDENT.
To the School Directors of Wayne
County:
hereby announce myself to you
&c q ND 1nk@ O. .