The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1911-11-21
SOME WIVES
WANTED
BY NJ QUAD
Copyright. 1911. By Associated Lit
erary Press.

CuIieu 70 put US dll III uaPPy iAohc
Of mind Deacon Turner, who had left
US in the fall to pass the winter In the
east. returned to camp He brought
with him a grand scheme. and public
meeting was called that he might un.
fold It can clearly remember him as
he stood on the head of an empty pork
barrel to address the $50 miners as.
sembled. He was tall and angular and
serious. Whenever a man died within
twenty miles OF us his comrades sent
for the deacon to conduct the funeral
services, and the deacon did 1t In such
a nice. smooth way that everybody en-.
joyed the occasion. also remember
his opening address, He said:
"Feller Citzens-Let us git right
down to bizness. This ere camp, num-
BERN $50 men, is a-cryin' out like the
children In the wilderness fur-whatf
Whisky? No: you ar two bar'ls ahead.
Meat? No; thar's plenty of meat Pun
kin pie and feather beds? No; we
haln't no use fur Injuries. What our
hearts is achin' fur is $50 wives to
soothe our weary souls. Tremendous
applause.l No place is home without
a woman. No man kin be happy with
out wife. [Wheops and yells.l Para
disc wouldn't be with shucks without
women. More yells.l When our work
for the day is over we hev no homes
to go 10, no wives 70 welcome us, no
body to smooth us down and comb our
hair and sing soothin' songs to rest
our weary limbs.
"Why hain't we got wives and
homesT' demanded the deacon as he
raised his right arm and extended 1t to-
ward the east
"'Cause we hain't gone at 1t 70 git
'em. Away Off thar In the east are $50
women a-cryin' out fur husbands and
homes. [Long continued applause.l ]
kin almost hear 'em holier They want
em, and they want EN- bad"
The most intense excitement prevail
ed when the deacon stepped down. He
had been east where there were wom-
en-. He must know that they were
pining TO come. He was followed by
Judge Pearsall, who bad two or three
wives back IN the States, but who
feelingly declared that be wanted one
of the drove OF $50. Then Colonel
Taylor. who had run away from his
second or third, mounted barrel and
shed tears as be drew picture OF
happy home at Strawberry hill-a
home made happy by the presence OF
wife. Two or three others had some
thing to say in the same strain, and
then Deacon Turner unfolded his plan.
The camp was to raise as large fund
as possible, and the deacon was TO re-
turn to the States. collect the $50 fe-
males and conduct them by the quick
est route to Strawberry hill. We were
playing In luck Just then, and the
smallest contribution was So. be-
lieve the deacon took away with him
in cold cash nearly $1,000. Every
mans name went down on the list
according to the amount be paid, and
the following schedule was posted on
the traders front door:
TWENTY-FIVE dollars gifts the pick OF
the lot.
Twenty dollars gifts a regular wild
der.
Fifteen dollars gifts a grass wider.
"Ten dollars gifts gal.
Five dollars gifts an old maid or
whatever is left over.
"No departure from these rules I'M
der any circumstances.
The schedule" seemed perfectly fair
and was accepted by all. The deacon
left us in May, and we could look for
him back In September at the latest.
IT was three months to q day before
the lookout posted on the hill signaled
to as that a caravan was in sight
Had a barrel OF powder exploded In
camp the excitement could not have
been greater Everybody got into his
vest at once. and, according to pro
gram. we marched to the hill.
By and by the cavalcade appeared
Deacon Turner appeared first Behind
him, seated on a mule, came female
IA woman, one lone woman. That
was all! she was ffty.fve years old,
wrinkled. gray haired and almost
toothless, and she didn't look supreme
ly happy.
"whar's the other 249rr demanded
100 voices in chorus, while score of
men ran to the top Of the hill.
.I'll explain later on" replied the
deacon as be continaed bis way to the
camp.
He did. After he had tucked the old
woman away in shanty be came out
to us and said
Boys. low me to Introduce my
wife"
"But whar's our wives?" yelled the
crowd.
Boys, we didn't flgger jest right"
continued the deacon When ! got |
east | found that women had riz like
all git out and could git married |
quicker'n lightnin. didn't want to
cum back empty handed and so | paid
that ar eritter In thar pointing to
the tent s1,40o to marry me and cum
along. The balanes Of the fund was
used in trayelin' around. I'm sorry.
but If women has riz no one is TO
blame fur it."
We got the deacon under tree and
a rope over limb. but wiser counsels
prevailed. and his life was spared. His