davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26
A "Primitive" Painter.

Henri Rousseau, man who used to
hold a minor government position in
France, was for a quarter of cen
fury the joke of artists and art students
in Paris. For years in the independ-
ent salon he showed daubs which
had not the most distant kinship with
art. Some of his famous" pictures
were Lady on Sofa In Jungle"
n "Tiger In a Jungle" "Nigger In
Jungle" He affected jungles. which
consisted Of innumerable parallel green
lines to represent grass; the tiger was
a painted wooden toy; the lady looked
as II she had come out of a Noah's
ark The unfortunate Rousseau went
on exhibiting the same sort of work
every year, and the painful thing was
that he gradually became a celebrity.
Sinister humorists told him he had
genius, and he took himself quite Sc
rlously. II am a real primitive" he
would say. Some practical jokers even
went the length of buying his pictures.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26
Most Beautiful w.t.r In worId.

Little restaurants are scattered along
the cliff overlooking the bay of Capri,
and here by the waters edge you can
sit and sip and gaze at Vesuvius away
off In the distance or perhaps at the
water in the bay below.
The most beautiful water in the
world! The blue water of the grotto
is more mystical, perhaps, but the wa
ter Of the bay Of Capri is more ex-
quisite 1t is wonderful pale green,
with a greener, darker color streaked
through 1t. There is no other water
like 1t in all the world.
And here in the little restaurant you
sit and sit, gazing at the water below,
although you know in your heart you
ought to be seeing the rest Of the
place. But the water is so green and
beautiful that when the warning whis-
tie Of the Naples steamer blows you
awake with start and realize you
have seen nothing Of Capri at all
nothing but the emerald water, SO en-
ticing and beautiful.-Mary Sutley in
Pittsburg Dispatch.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26

A prominent educator, talking to a
class in an elementary school he had
visited, decided to illustrate point he
was making by problem in long diVi-
sion, the intricacies of which the class
had just mastered. He put down the
necessary figures and then said:
Now, let us see how many times
this number will go into the other. Let
us try six" He tried six, and, as he
intended, six wouldn't do. well, let's
try five, them" he said Five was all
right, and he went ahead with his talk.
On his way home that evening he
overlook two small boys with book
bags under their arms and heard this
conversation:
"Say Bill, did a long whiskered,
baldheaded old Teller come into your
room today"
yep" replied Bill.
"And did he talk to your"
"Yep," said Bill.
swell, so he did to us, but the fun
niest thing, by golly, was that the old
chump stumped himself ON an example
in long division. "-Philadelph Times.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26

"Here's % cents" said a tramp to
bartender in New York. 81 want to
pay 1t to you fer that free lunch, and
then you can throw in FIVE glasses of
beer"
twenty-five cents will buy the
beer" answered the bartender. "The
lunch is free, you know"
81 don't want it that way" the
tramp insisted. 81 want ter pay a
quarter fer the lunch and get the beer
free"
tits all the same price either way"
the barman explained. "What differ
ence can 1t maker
ITS n matter O. personal honor, SIR"
was the tramp's reply. 81 promised
the old lady wot give me the quarter
that I'd spend 1t fer something to eat!
SeeT
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26

Scotchmen are fond of an argument
and delight to find flaws in an oppo-
nents logic. Two blacksmiths were
once conversing as to which was the
first trade in the world. One insisted
that 1t must have been gardening and
quoted from Genesis, adam was put
into the garden Of Eden to dress it
and keep It," AYE, John" retorted
the other, who had stood up for his
own trade, but wha made the
spades?"
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26
Kensington Railway.

CARS leave Chevy Chase Lake for Kensing-
ton on hour and on half hour, $3.50 a.
m. to IL p. m.
Returning cars leave Kensiugton quarter
before and quarter after hour connecting
with Capital Traction Co.'S through cars
which leave Chevy Chase Lake and returning
leave 18th street and New York Avenue at
quarter hour intervals. Cars leaving 9th and
New York Avenue, N. W. quarter before and
quarter after hour connect with kensing-
ton cars.
Fare cents each way on Rensington Rail-
way, and one car ticket TO Circle on Capital
Traction Railway.
COMPUTATION RATES-G00D UNTIL
USRD-50 ride tickets 81 so, good on Ken
sington Railway. Sold by Mr.. George Peter
at B. h o. ticket Office.
100 ride tickets 81 90 on Capital Traction
Cos line, Chevy Chase Lake TO Circle sold by
Capital Traction Company's Agent, Chevy
Chase Lake
Chevy Chase Circle %, @. line) one car
ticket TO any point in city on Capital Trac-
ton Company's lines.
Va Connection at Kensngton with local
trains on b. h o. r. II. To reach points in
northwest section OF city passengers will usu-
ally save time and money by taking Kensing-
ton cars to the Lake and thence Capital Trac.
ton cars 10 city.
KENSINGT0N RAILWAY co.
july COY
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26

Pat-I say, Mick, I'm very hard up.
Can you lind me the loan Of a pound?
Mick-Sure, Pat, to tell yer the
thruth, | haven't a bob on me- Every
penny get give to my poor old
mother.
Pat-Be jabers, Mick, I've just been
talking to yer mother, and she tells
me we never give her farthing.
Mick-Oh. well, Pat II l don't give
my poor old mother a farthing, what
sort of a chance have you got Of get
ting any?-London Mail.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26
Adam and Eve.

II hope this expulsion of ours is not
going to in1ure our social position"
said Eve ruefully.
II guess not" replied Adam. "They
can't stop $ from being one Of the
very first families. whatever they do"
II don't hnd our names here in the
Social Register" said Eve, looking
the volume over
Look under 'Dilatory Domiciles,' my
love-" said Adam as he went out and
named the jackass after himself
Harpers Weekly.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26
A PithN Sermon.

Here is the pithiest sermon ever
preached: "our ingress into life is
naked and bare, our progress through
life is trouble and care, our egress out
of It we know not where; but, doing
well here. we shall do well there |
could not tell more by preaching a
wear"
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26

Carlyle compared the advance Of the
world to the progress of some drunken
man who, Keeling from one side of the
street to the other, slowly and at the
expense of much wasted effort finally
arrives at his destination.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26
IL Was This WaN.

81 suppose the father gave the bride
away"
Not exactly. He gave million
away and threw her in."-Philadel-
phia Ledger
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26
Wanted Il Well Hidden,

Little Bobby was too polite to say
he wanted a big piece Of the turkey,
but he said he would like piece OF
the chest. where the wishbone was,
only he didn't want to find the wish.
bone too quick. Browning's Magazine
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26

Ascum-Well. WE'LL congratulate
you. old man. And how is the baby
to be named? Popley-By my wife's
people. It seems Exchange
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26

Belle-And did you make her eat
her own words2 Beulah-Eat 'em? !
made her Fletcherize 'em.-Yonkers
Statesman.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26

Maud-Mr. Brownlelgh tries to firt
with every pretty girl he sees. Ethel
I've seen him try to dirt with you too.
Boston Transcript.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26

A long, slow friendship is the best:
long. slow enmity the deadliest.-
Anrrinm
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1911-05-26

Unless you bear with the faults OF o
friend you betray your own.-Syrus
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07
CouIdn't Show the Scars.

DR.. Woods Hutchinson, the eminent
writer on medical subjects, who hal
been endeavoring to offset the tenden'
cy of most physicians to talk in words
of several syllables instead of plair
United States, related this story while
in Washington the other day, says the
Washington Post. He told it to Illus
trate something or other. One does moi
recall right now what it was to Illus
trate, but here is the story:
When the doctor was state health
officer out in Oregon a number o1
years ago, he was called to a small
community out in the hills to look af-
ter a smallpox epidemic. On his way
back to the city on the train he was
approached by man whose limp coat
sleeve indicated that he had lost his
arm.
You're Doc. Hutchinson, amt you?'
began the one-armed man. well,
want to ask you a question about this
vaccination business. l was Vaccinat-
ed when l was a kid and then again
about three years ago and had two
scars-just as good scars as ever you
seen. But summer before last l got
my hand caught in a corn shredder
and the thing took my arm off right
above both scars. Now. what l want
to get at is, will have to be vaccin-
ated all over again in new place."
The doctor explained that smallpox
germs do not go about quite like the
death angel at the Passover season
watching for the mark on the door-ol
the ARMAND the man went away with
a lightened heart.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07

take to the foreman's idea more than
to Chips suggestion. so he couldn't
get up fight. After that he wore his
pants in peace till they were worn
out And then If he didn't send back
east for another pair to use on Sun
days just to show he was game!
1T wasn't long till Chip came out
with the announcement that he in
tended to learn the cattle business,
just like all Gila county was gasping
for the news. We had seen tender
of them progressing far enough to
learn a maverick from a milk cow be-
fore they changed their minds.
But Chip went at 1t different. He
sent down to Washington and got all
the books they would give one man
! free, l reckon. He got some more
from Phoenix, and one day he shows
us a table that looked like a pro-
gramme for a railroad train, but he
explains 1t was only the life statistics
of a range steer. You would have
thought, to look at it, he was going
to have the steers life insured.
THAT made more fun than the
pants had. But Chip never even no
ticed it. He was working like beaver
with his tables He even had a jar
full of bugs and sheep ticks and such
that he would feed just to see how
much it took to keep them. Blamed
If he didn't try to tell you how many
pounds of beef they would eat off a
steer in a year.
"One day he told the boss that If he
would change the breed of his cattle
he would get more beef off the kind
of grass he had. And the boss didn't
laugh. He doubles up over Chips
tables and runs his fingers, which was
all thumbs, up and down the columns,
and swore and sweat and chewed
half the night. And the next day he
ordered a pair of Chips newfangled
cattle by telegraph. After that they
got some kind of a course in cattle
judging by mail, and Chip and the boss
went at it, each holding the other
level, I guess.
1.-The upshot of it was this cattle
company. Chip went down to Phoenix
one day and didn't show up for a
week. He brought a bunch of auto
mobiles back with him to see the
ranch, and when they had gone he
showed us a nice green-and-gold
chrome that he said was the charter
of the Arizona Land, Water, Sheep,
stock for sale temporarily at SO cents
over enough land to start a good
sized county, and Chip was made su-
perintendent.
About this time Old Man Elkins
began to sit up and take notice. He
got a couple of mercantile agency re-
ports on the new corporation, and
then he wrote Chip that If 1t would
help him out any he would take a
block Of stock at so cents. Chip wrote
him how sorry he was the stock had
just gone to par.
THE night he left l took him down
to the train. When he bid Chip good
by he offered to send him out an auto
mobile, but Chip said he was figuring
on another kind he liked better for
the money.
II thought that was little raw, but
the old man just grinned. And then I
saw Chip was grinning, too. Gov
ernor,' he says, blamed II don't sort
Of like this idea Of being a self-made
man myself
1.-The old man winked at me. When
we were alone he swells up and says:
I knew 1t all the time. Chip off the
old block, eh p LOS Angeles Times.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07
]. ]. KELLER & COMPANY
TAX RETURNS FOR 1911
Office of the County Auditor Of York
County, South Carolina.

Yorkville. 8. c.. December 2. 1910.
A 8 required by statute my books will
"A be opened at my Office in York.
Vile on MONDAY. JANUARY 2. 1911.
| and kept open until FEBRUARY 20,
1911, for the purpose Of listing for
taxation all PERSONAL and REAL
PROPERTY held In York county on
January 1. 1911.
All returns must be made in regular
form and it is preferable that they be
made by the property owner In person
to me or my assistant, direct, on blanks
provided for the purpose. The returns
or my assistant, or some other officer
qualified to administer an oath.
All items Of realty, whether farms,
or town lots, must be listed separately.
Returns made on proper blanks, and
sworn to before a. officer qualified to
administer an oath and forwarded to
me by registered mail before February
| 20, 1911. will be accepted.
All taxpayers are particularly re-
quested to inform themselves as to the
number Of their respective school dis
tricts, and where they have property in
more than one school district, they will
please make separate returns indicat-
| ing the location Of each piece Of prop
erty. The school districts In which
there are special levies are as follows:
Nos. 23 and 27. in Bethel township;
Nos. 6. 29, SO and 43 In Bethesda town
ship; Nos. 8, 20, 40 and A In Broad
River township; Nos. 8. 15 and 20 In
Bullock's Creek township, No. IL Ca
tawba township; Nos. Z, IL, 35 and 43
in Ebenezer township; Nos. 26, % and
80 in Fort Mill township; Nos. 2 and
81 in Kings Mountain township; Nos.
II, 20, SO, 35. AZ and 4S in York town.
| ship.
For the purpose of taking Tax Re-
turns, the Auditors Office will be open
in Yorkville from February End to Feb
ruary goth, when the books will be
closed and the penalty will attach.
All males between the ages Of twen-
| ty-one and sixty years, except Confed-
| crate soldiers over the age Of fifty
years, are liable to a poll tax Of 81, and
all persons so liable are especially re-
quested to give the numbers Of their
respective school districts in making
their returns.
It will be q matter Of much accom-
mediation to me II as many taxpayers
as possible will meet me at the res
pective appointments mentioned above.
| 80 as to avoid the rush at Yorkville
during the closing days.
JOHN ]. HUNTER.
County Auditor.
Yorkville, s. c.. December 2, 1910.
So t. At
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07

Fast Travelins.-A young married
pair prominent in exclusive circle:
have a child who has just reached tn,
age when it's hands are simply way
stations to its mouth-things reachins
the former being sure to reach the lat
ter, and in the shortest possible space
of time.
The father of this infant is forced
for business reasons, to travel a grea
deal. and always has a mileage bool
on hand. This the youngster found
one day and proceeded to devour.
When he was discovered, he hat
used, alas, about 500 miles. The moth
er at once told her husband of hel
baby's destructiveness, and quick as {
flash, he responded:
Really, my dear don't you thinl
that's going a little too far?"-Phila
delphia Times.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07
In Darkest Russia.-Russian prison

In Darkest Russia.-Russian prison
conditions are once more illustrated by
grim story which comes from As
trakan.
Long term prisoners in Russia have
what they call convict's court, which
is a system or code Of honor among
themselves, infringements Of which are
punished by various forms Of torture.
There is also q sentence of death,
which in this instance was pronounced
for some offense upon a fellow pris-
oner.
The mans throat was cut with a
piece of glass, To conceal their deed
the murderers hoisted the body to the
barred window, moving it's arms about
so as to give the impression that q
man was trying to Chamber through,
A sentry outside saw the supposed fu-
gitive and fired three shots into him.
Afterward 1t was discovered by
chance that 1t was not the bullets that
had caused the mans death.-London
Chronicle.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07

Almost Sold Out.-When Lord Thur
low first opened a lawyers office in
London ne took a basement room
which had previously been occupied
by a cobbler. He was somewhat an
noyed by the previous occupants call
ers and irritated by the fact that he
had few of his own. One day an Irish
man entered.
THE cobbler's gone, see," he said.
Il should think he had" tartly res
ponded the lawyer.
And what do ye SELF" inquired the
Irishman, looking at the solitary table
and few books.
"Blockheads," responded Thurlow.
"Begorra," said Pat, we must be do
ing a mighty fine business; ye amt
got but one left. t."-Barnesville Repub-
lican.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07
humorous department.
Accurate, But Irritating.

Lawrence Dorsey, the English actor
who has an accent as English as they
make 'em. does not like American bar
tenders in general, and for the bar
tenders in st. Louis he entertains
particular aversion, says the Popular
Magazine.
"I went in to a bar in St. Louis, deah
boy" he said on one occasion, "ano
I ordered a bottle of beer. The bar
tendah, don't you know, did not hand
me the beer. He dashed it down or
the bar and slid 1t along for about ter
or twelve feet, don't you know. II
stopped right in front of me. l looked
at him with a stony stare, as was
propah, but he paid no attention to me
Then 1 gave him a quatah. He
threw on the bar a coin, which rolled
on the floor. Again l stared at him
as if to insult him, but he paid nc
attention to me whatevah-none what
evah. So l called a small black boy
and said to him:
You will find a coin on the floor
and you can have it for your trouble
Then 1 said to the bartendah:
"If you will come from behind that
bar 1 will kick into you some knowl-
edge of what is polite and propah on
the part of bartendah.'
But he would not come from be-
hind the bar Then I gave him the
numbah of my room and told him
would be glad to see him there at any
time and give the kick which he de-
served. But he never came to the room.
so, you see, deah boy, your Ameri-
can bartendahs are impolite and they
won't be kicked. What is a gentle
man to do?"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07
lost-E 100.

Years ago when the electric tele-
to the masses, there came trouble one
Saturday night in the Bank of Eng
land. The business of the day had
closed and the balance was not right
There was a deficit Of just 9100. II
was not the money, but the error, that
must be found. For the officers anG
the clerks there could be no sleep un-
til the mystery had been cleared up
All that night and all Sunday force
Of men were busy; money was surely
gone from the vaults, but no one could
discover whence.
On the following morning a clerk
suggested that the mistake might have
occurred in packing, for the West In
dies, some boxes of specie that ha6
been sent to Southampton for ship
ment. His chief acted on the sugges-
ton. Here was an opportunity to test
the powers of the elegraph-lightnine
against steam, and steam with forty
eight hours the start. Very soon the
telegraph asked man in Southamp-
ton, Has the ship Mercator sailed?"
The answer came back, Just weigh
ing anchor"
stop her in the queens name,
flashed back the telegraph. she IL
stopped" was returned.
Have on deck certain boxes (marks
given), weigh them carefully, and lei
me know the result" telegraphed the
chief.
This order was obeyed, and one box
was found to be somewhere about one
one pound and ten ounces heavier than
it's mates-just the weight Of the miss
ing sovereigns. "All right. Let the
ship go!" was the next order.
The West India house was debited
with the e 100 and the Bank Of Eng
land was at peace again.-Harper's
Weekly.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07

Small Change.-At the recent dinner
given by Andrew Carnegie, an eminent
lawyer, seated halfway down the ta'
BILE, was deeply immersed in converse
ton with his neighbor when the host
opened up the subject of the British
coinage system and showed signs ot
wishing undivided attention.
Every other civilized nation" ht
declared, has the decimal system
while England adheres to the absurd
and cumbrous table of pounds, shill-
ings and pence" Rap-rap-rap.
The raps were for the lawyer, who
remained absorbed in his own con-
versation. And even farthings," con-
tinued the iron-master. rs there any,
thing else in finance so ridiculous as
the farthing?" Rap-rap.
The lawyer glanced around some
what impatiently.
Judge c." Mr.. Carnegie called
out, why do the British continue
their coinage of farthings?"
ITO enable the Scotch to practice
benevolence, Mr.. Carnegie" returned
the lawyer.-Success Magazine.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07
BARN RECORDS

MR.. BUM BRIDGES. manager OF
Nlthe Bratton Farm. had some Barr
Records printed at The Enquirer Office
a few days ago, according to his own
notion, and others desiring them may
have duplicates Of his order at very
reasonable rate, II they will put In
their applications within the next ten
days, before the type is taken down.
These records go in sets of 81 sheets
each sheet good for a week and the So
sheets sufficient for a year.
L. M. GRIST'S SONS.
If ct
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07
A True Artist.-It is not always ne,

A True Artist.-It is not always nee
essary to go to a singing master to
have the voice placed" as the phrase
is. So it would seem, at least, from a
story that an Atlanta man tells.
One cold, wet and windy night he
came upon negro of his acquaintance
shivering in the doorway of a store
Wondering what the darky could be
doing standing on a cold. wet night in
such a draughty position, the Atlanta
man said:
Jim, what are you doing there"
''Scuse me, sir" said Jim, but I'm
gwine to sing bass tomorrow mornin
at church, an I'm tryin' to ketch a
d."-LippincOtts.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07
so DECEPTIVE
Many YorkviIIe People Fail to Real
ize the Seriousness.

Backache is so deceptive.
1t comes and goes-keeps you guess
Ing.
Learn the cause-then cure it.
Nine times out Of ten 1t comes from
the kidneys.
That's why Doan's Kidney Pills cure
1t.
Cure every kidney i'll from backache
to diabetes.
We present the following case as
proof.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-02-07
FOR SALE

THE Palmer Lot, on East Liberty
Il street, Yorkville, 1872 feet front,
and $50 feet back: one of the most de-
sirable residence lots In the town
Joining this lot on the south Is another
lot of one-fourth Of an acre, more or
less, and both lots will be included in
same sale. Apply to c. E. Spencer,
Atty. at Law, Yorkville, or Med. AR
LEDGE, Charlotte, N. c.
2 t-w 26t