Imperial Valley press., 1911-12-21
AN OPEN
QUESTION
By M. QUAD
Copyright, 1911, by Associated Lit
erary Press.
By M. QUAD

As per the bills on the farmers barns
for miles around a circus made its ap
pearance in the town of Goshen one
day and set up its tents. Among the
, farmers who drove in to see things was
Jabez Stebbins. but he didn't think it
q bit wicked to view the elephants and
camels as they paraded up and down
the streets.
People noticed that he seemed to be
feeling extra good as he drove in. but
half an hour later be astonished every
body. He uttered preliminary whoop
or two and then got down from his
wagon to tackle one of the elephants.
OF course the circus men interfered.
and then he cut loose and licked three
of them before he could be quieted.
He was hauled up before Squar' War
ner for disturbing the peace, and the
suuar', who had known him for thirty
years. said:
"Jabez, | can't make it out You are
one of the peacefulest men around
here. and nobody ever saw you drunk.
but you must have taken swig or two
to make you act as you did. I'm going
to let you go. but my advice to you is
to beware Of the flowing bowl in the
future"
"Squar'. it was hard cider nothing
but hard cider" explained Jabez. Il
took a drink of hard cider two years
old. and it made me lose my head"
AS Jabez was a church member, the
brethren had to take up his lapse from
grace, and nothing else was talked Of
for two weeks. Then. at the instance
of Deacon Baker, who had been drink
ing hard cider for twenty eight years
and never stubbed. his toe over 1t,
committee Of six was appointed to in
vestigate and report. They drove out
to Stebbins', place, and he drew pail
of cider and took them out to the barn.
The deacon led off with about pint
and smacked his lips and passed the
cup. There was a wait of fifteen
minutes to watch results. They didn't
pan out much. Deacon Black got a
little playful and threw Goodwill Jones
on his back. and Saul Johnson turn
ed the handle of an old tanning mill
so fast as to shake the whole thing
down. but these things were not re-
corded.
The pail was emptied and Jabez re-
filled it. He wasn't in on tie drinks.
but his face were broad grin after
that second drink had been taken
symptoms soon developed. Deacon
Hope, who had been carrying bland
countenance. suddenly sobered up and
turned to Deacon Thomas and said:
Deacon, durn your hide, but be-
lieve you'd hide stones in load of
hay"
whats that?" shouted Deacon
Thomas. Say. you old hog stealer.
knock your head off,"
Peace was made between the two
men, but a moment later Goodwill
Jones brought Benjamin Schermerhorn
a mighty slap between the shoulders
and cried out:
HOW Is IL. Olu yOu lin
your wife as often as you used to?"
Il never licked her."
You are liar"
"Lemme get at him.
There were two or three other out
breaks. but by and by the dove of
peace came. and all cried on one an
others shoulders. Then Deacon Black
stepped up to the cider pail for the
third time and huskily said:
Ladies' and gem'len. we have met
to test this hard cider question, and.
by gum. we are going to do it! say
it won't intoxicate, and the man who
says it will is a liar"
KNOCK his head off," shouted Saul
johnson,
+ "I'll knock yours off instead" whoop-
ed Goodwill Jones.
Deacon Black stopped the row by
drinking another pint. and while the
cup was going around Jabez Stubbins
ran into the house and said to his
wife:
Hammer. you come out to the barn
III duNiiL zen SOu A. oSS
more fun than boss can draw
He made no mistake. Ten minutes
after the third pint was down Deacon
Black proposed a country dance. and
all began to shuttle and cavort and
| sing.
The horseplay lasted about quar-
ter sof an hour. Then they fell upon
| one another's necks and cried. Then
Deacon Hope charged Deacon Black
with putting only a cent in the contri
button box the Sunday previous. and
the latter called Deacon Hope hu
man hog. Then the fight began. 1t
went all over the barn and out into
the yard and over the fence. and when
it ended six men lay where they had
fallen and slept and snored.
JaUez had to drive to town to get
help to load them into his wagon. and
one by one they were delivered to
| their homes. Of course there was
more talk. and it was week before
the committee reported The substance