The French Broad hustler. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1896-1912, 1911-08-10
Carries SHOTGUN Ii Wagon.

LIE f5@l sa@h E.s
"My wagon wheaI was tore all tG
nieces the other day and my new
teeth knocked out by onexof them
cussed otermobiles. / am carrying
nv shot gun now and | will try i
On the next otermobile that gets fun
nv with me. / am carrying my CUR
on nv wagon every day. Also |
found my teeth and have done bought.
a new wheel.
"JOHN RUNAWA'
Reading the note carefully you OBJ
serve that John appears to be an
noyed-seriously annoyed Also
that he means business. A loaded
shot gun in the hands of a deter
mined man whose store teeth have
been knocked cat by an automobile,
a perfect stranger to him, as you
might say. has some right to be an
ncyed you must admit. To say noth-
ing of the wheel.
Now, put yourself in his place,
You are seated in your wagon with
four perfectly good and satisfac-
tory wheels an da guaranteed set al
seven dollars store teeth in your
head. Or, rather, the teeth are in
YOUR head and the four perfectly
good and satisfactory wheels are
fastened to your wagon. 1t is well,
at the outset, to avoid any misun-
derstanding on this point, so let it
Be plain. once and for all, finally
and conclusively, that the wheels
are no in your head but that the
teeth are. The wheels are fastened
to the four corners of the wagon
where it is customary and usual to
find four wagon wheels fastened.
Of course, sometimes, very often,
in fact, wheels are found in your
head as we'll as on a wagon, but IN
this exceptional instance the store
teeth are in your head and the wheels
are ON the wagon. Unless you have
wheels on ycur wagon, instead OF IN
YOUR head, the wagon wont go. Any
member of the legislature will tell
Won that Not that members OF the
legislature haven't wheels, you
know. Don't misunderstood this
perfectly clear and logical statement
for one instant, for members OF the
legislature have been known to have
wheels. Very often they nave some
hing beside wheels-bUt that's eX-
.2ntional, too.
once upon a time, children, a
member of the legislature died and
went to the place where all members
Of legislatures go. His family were
9rxious tC. know what had killed
"a good and great a man as this
namher of the legislature had proved
himself to be and SO they decided 10
1svn a most mortem examination OF
the deceased.
New, a post mortem eXam1natlor
If a dead person is ALWAYS fatal &c
he subject. You see, children, the
doctors have did, or have done, their
duty once and therefore n nan Is
dead, we'll say, just, for sake
of the argument. Well. b doctoTs
are curious to know how they man,
aged it this time-or rather, Wnal
killed him-so they proceed to mt
out and then they know.
In this sad case of h good anc
great member O. the Legislature W.
died Just when a United States Sena
tor was to be elected and there Wer'
fourteen different candidates in tn
field and memories of the Lor1me
!, jackpot were still thick in the all
n this very sad case, the doctor
held a post mCTtem examination owe
the remains and. were startled entire
, Iv out of their professional dignlt
to find in the ~deceased's dead no
wheels, children, not wheels, but a
> idea.
: And it was the idea that killed him
: You see, he wasn't accustomed t
= ideas and the doctors decided tha
j., the case was so rare that ther
: wosn't n danger. much of a repe
= tition of the case. So they wrote
> all up in long fourteen-sylabl
--ords and had it published in tn
8 Times. because it was about a dea
: man, you know.
But this is a depression, as it wer
:. Ideas have absolutely nothing
common with the owner of an autt
mobile which comes along and trea
. you rudely. So you are comfortab
. seated in yonr~wagon, thinking. ma
= hap of the time when the festl'
~ Summer girl with the hobble and n
= sisters hat and a store complex1c
: he's vanished from your horizon AT
y that the street car line is built. Yn'
horses are jogging along. Sootht
by pleasant thoughts, lulled by Il
whispering wind, the rythmat
r movement of your vehicle sends "
to- slumber land aud in your drea
II you hear the ding-dong of the mi
orman's bell as he guides his C
down busy Main street.
ST Then. suddenly and all at ono
YOU Just know the car line is built
for the ding dong change to a sir
~ scream Of death as the car strik
! year wagon and you tumble in TO
different directions at once. AS Y
Mt pick yourself up, hat gone, tee
ne gon dignity gone, horses and
1igicn going, as you pick yourself
from the dust c. the remarkably IA
CO Highway, you glimpse, mo- a sire
os car but a devil car gaily waltz
down the sunltt road with one
wv your wagon wheels gracefully ha1
he ing from its left ear, and then s.
iously annoyed. YOU temper &c
700, and you say things that you re
he " oughtn't to, o know
1t was under similar circumstant
&c that Johns ire was aroused, a
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