davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Chimmie's History

felIors bot tickits as soon as they herd
about il.
Everybody was having swell time
when all of a sudden graie big storm
come up and everybuddy felt like want
ing to get off and walk rite home.
Wich cOuldent of happened bekaus the
boat was intireIy surrounded by water
and people couldent swim in them days
on akkount of thare long beerds, bee
ing jest as bad as seawead, II not
wIrse.
The boat wrecked sumthing orfull
and evrybouddy startid to say thare
prayurs and promis nevIr to do ii agen
no mattIr wat they done. But that
dident help none. and the thundur was
fearse and the waves was as high as
houzes. wiCh wouldent Of had to be
very high bekaus houzes was rttul
then, but they was as high as houzes
Is now.
We are lost" sed the capten. 'qet
the wimum and children die furst''
All OF a suddin the sailers, wich
all believe in hoOdews. found out
thare was man on bord by the name
of joiner.
to the Capten. "A Joner with the
name Of joiner must be an orfull
IOner, and its a wondur we alnt all
ded and berried allredy." So the cap
ten he told Jiner he wud have to get
off.
II won't get Off" ses Joner II
bot my tickit the same as the rest"
So wat did they do but thro him off.
Wich is ware the vale kums in, or
rathur ware joiner goes In. Akkord-
ing to the story, the vale was so SER
prised that it fergot to bite until
joiner was all the ways down, and
then it was to late
After joiner was in the wales STUN
mick for three days he got tired of it
and tickeld the vale on the lnsides.
wich is the Wrist thing you can do
to a vale. So he, meening the vale,
cawffed him, meening joiner, up in a
hurry, and il you don't believe it, it's
in the bibul.
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Loretta's Medicine Glass in Which She
Gets Dose Of Her Own Medicine

own conscience. She says that a
man whose affection is SO wobbly
that he can be won from the girl
he processes to love is not a lover
worth having. She regards herself
as having shown the other girl
something she needed to know.
But the logic is bad. Not a single
girl is commissioned to act as an
emotional assayist for any other
girl. Have YOU never had a chair
that was not particularly good to
look ct but was thoroughly COM
forta Bile? 1t fitted exactly the quirks
and turns of your anatomy. That
is the way 1t is with beaux. They
may not look especially good or
be especially good, but the girl who
loves because she is suited, is fitted
to and by the mans peculiar traits.
But the beau-stealer has the con-
celt to overestimate her own judg
ment; she thinks she knows the
right kind of a man for each of her
friends. So she goes on with her
missionary work of robbing them
of the wrong kind--iust to flatter
her own vanity She just excuses
her weakness by her pretense.
Beau-stealer girl, you are a thief,
no matter what defense you put up.
And saying things that you mean
to cut me is not becoming. They do
not cnt because they are rbt true.
oh. forgot to say that I still have
lfttle leeway of the age limit Of
girlhood
] am not an old maid
The Washington times., 1911-03-08

ORETTA: That looking glass
Il write-up of yours shows
you UP worse than it does
the girl who steals beaux. You
must be a fussy, critical, jealous
spirited old maid, finding fault
with girls who get what you
missed. / know you are homely,
and men never pay you any at
tention. It's easy to sit on the
fence and criticise while others
are in the midst of things hav-
ing a good time. There must be
good crop of sour grapes on
your particular fence. l hope
you enjoy them!
FROM A BEAU-STEALER.
There are so many ways to an
swer this letter. But not one of
them would have an effect on the
writer so long as she thinks a sour
grape diet old maid who never had
beau did the writing.
1 wonder If she will believe me
If | tell her about myself? She is
right; one cannot sit on the fence
and have inside information. And
sour grapes grow where the red
wine of life is never flowing.
Men have proposed to me. so 1
know something of them and their
loveways. Maybe just saying that
VIII prove that / am not so homely
as | might be; but will add, for
greater proof, that a complexion
specialist has recently offered a
large amount for the use of my
picture as an advertisement And
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
That HIndoo Fakers Are OutcIassed.

Cause says he, the Hindoo takers
have been pulling that basket trick
ever since Noah's damp spring. They
never vary it and don't tuck in any
new stuff
But Mrs. Smithtompkins - say
you've got to hand it to her. She's
there with the goods won
dered why she always wanted her or
der sent at night and had me call in
the morning for the basket
Give a guess, kid. give a guess.
There's nothin' phoney about this.
went up too early Yesterday morn
ing and found that she was keeping
the basket over night so that the cat
couh sleepyin it,
When she draws her halo I'll bet
You she uses it for a biscuit cutter.
Nhat?"
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Agree With Him

AS we'll be out of the world as out
of fashion" says Cibber. and the ma
iority of women agree with him. my
dear "harrassed man. but | cannot
agine any one but Turk admiring
a harem skirt.
Clothes. however, do not make the
woman. and, while you may be right
in thinking that if she loved you she
would give up a harem skirt. so on
the other hand might she be justified
in thinking if you loved her you
wouldn't bother about her clothes.
do not think, either. that any woman
will wear a harem skirt more than once,
for even fashion cannot blind
woman's vanity, and no woman with
vanity will ever wear a trouser skirt
unless she is a militant suffragette and
you say nothing of that in your letter.
Write to the lady in question, tell her
you do not want a divided skirt to
The Washington times., 1911-03-08

Dear Splnster Aunt: have been going with
young lady for quite while and We nave
always gotten along very nicely. and was
fust getting ready 10 pop the question when
The girl announced to me that she was hay-
ing harem skirt made 10 wear this spring
| told her she would never 60 any place
with me in a thing like that. snd she said
she bought hcr clothes. not me- and II
didn't like what she wore / knew where
could get OF.
| answered along the same lines. and after
we had played the anvil chorus for while
went of in hun and haven't been to see
her since.
But AIN still in love with her and l want
snme advice. Don't you think man has
right to object 10 his best girl wearing trouser
skirts? Say. wouldn't IL be nice 10 go with
her and be followed by bowling mob? No.
sir I couldn't stand for that. and what
want to know is. hasn't a man a right TO have
homething 10 say about clothes? For II the
girI won't give UP a fool style for me nov.
what wsuld she do after We were married: !:
Women are awful fools TO wear the present
STYLES anyway. | think. and how do know
that she won't want one Of the new four
slit skirts next. and they say that directolre
dresses were nothing compared 10 these.
At any rate don't you think | am right
to want my fancee to wear n skirt that
doesn't belle its name?
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
DAILY Discontinued Story

The fire chief had ordered all of his
men from the blazing building.
Lying on streatchcr 4 beautiful, built
to order blonde lay moaning. The chief
leaned nearer to listen.
Who will save Patricia" she gasped.
Throwing aside many anxious voIun-
teers the chief quickly ran up the seal
ing ladders to the uppermost apart
ment.
Through the dense smoke and over
cracking timbers he went until he
reached the goal.
Patricia" he coughed and waited for
a reply.
From one corner at last he heard a
plaintive ''Meouw!"
Grasping Patricia firmly by the neck
he leaned far out over the blazing
window sill and
The Washington times., 1911-03-08

Meny people have sed that tho story
q. joiner and the vale i meerly fish
story maid up to fool people bcfour the
noospapers were inventud to print the
reel facks. but luther people say that
he man that rote the btbul OF to know
hekaus he was thaTe.
One time thare was big EXCURSION,
wlch nobuddy wanted TO miss on ak
kount OF the free musk and Gets and
all. joiner and a buntCh of uther old
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Getting Rid of the Cat

Egbert-oh, yes. hit upon "a plan
which I thought would work. 1 wrote
note, inclosing $40, and tied both about
the CATS neck. The note read, Finder
may keep both the cat and the money"
And how did il work."
The cat came back the next day with
another note tied to its neck The note
read: Don't need the cat. but can use
the money. Please send $40 more"
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Spinster Aunt's AdUice

divide you. and that she may have the
harem costume If she likes. But tell
her. too. that you love her and ask her
not 10 wear it when with you because
Of that. and-beinE woman-she'h II
probably give it to the housemaid. for
all women will give a thing up for love.
though none will renOunCe a style be-
cause man RACES against II.
Which is the wisdom of Solomon re-
told.
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Roller Skating

What's the hardest thing about
roller skating when. you're learning"
asked a hesitating young man of the
instructor at rink
The floor" answered the attendant.
Youths Companion.
The Washington times., 1911-03-08


Can you it, Bikns? Mad dog in the Sunday paper Oh,
when kid of that obevant all that he II
something when he up!
thing he did helping the barber mix
the ahcr The barber didn't like much but told
let him BY George Bn,
anything funny your l The the kid
managed op about marvellous The BARRIERS
had whtewashd from the
whole cupfu And he acted about
it, unreasonable know; these fellows don't realize that
intended The kid
didn't The kid and both lot Of
enjoyment of il, anyhow.
And then did shaving the kid started
behind the knee the kid has Honest
in that funny he has, The barber
the thing he
o get hopping mad
made stop He might make the barber cut doing
And ride another Bikns; IT.
this Oh. Well remind me to tell you the
rest tomorrow: you'll laugh your head off.
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Explains Her Failures

Brown has such a disappointed
look"
Yes. 1t is on account of his wife,
Wont she take his advice?'
THAT is the trouble. She always
does"
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Time or Money

Fisg-Don't you wish you could live
your life over again?
Fogg-Well, should say not. I've
got twenty-year endowment policy
maturing this month.
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Loretta's Looking Glass
Drawn for the Washington Times.

! have had the private school, COL
lege. society experience of a we'll
born and full-pocketbooked only
daughter So, of course, have
been to lots of house parties have
even-I am ashamed to tell it
stolen beauX.
That is why I know so we'll what
excuse the beaustealer gives to her
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Cheering Him Up

Visitor-I just looked in to cheer you
up a bit, and I'm. very glad !. did, for
met the doctor going out, and he says
YOU'RE worse than you think, and unless
you keep up your spirits you can't re-
covers
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
MR.. NICHOLAS NEWPOP'S
Baby Sees His Pepper"
Get Shaved As Told in
TROLLEY MONOLOGUE

IL. Bilkins, it would have done you good to be
with me hour ago. You'd have laughed your
head off. | had my kid in the barber shop with
me while | getting shaved and if he didn't
torment that barber-but | guess I've told you
what d circus he is
He loves TO see me get shaved, so ! take him
around to the BARRIERS with in while.
| won't take him around again. though till the
barber cools off; it ridiculous how mad the
fellow got. But the kid had the time OF his life.
Pepper" he said. when was taking him over,
pepper, | love to see the man shave YOU You
look just like the mad dog in the Sunday paper with
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Double Barreled

"Spoil the child"
Spoil him.
Yes"
What for?''
TO get even with this generation and
the next"
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Not So Slow

Nell-Qur grandmothers never play
ed golf
Belle-No, but they had their tea
caddies.
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
An Obstacle

Japan might like to lick us.
But here's the thing TO fret it:
Though it might yearn the trick to turn,
Perhaps we wouldn't let it.
The Washington times., 1911-03-08
Still Durable

I'm thinking about writing a play
We'll forgive YOU if you. don't lei
IL go any further"
The Washington times., 1911-03-08

)IIN," said Mrs. Peeved, laying down her sewing
and turning towards her husband who trying
to cut the end off cigar with new-fangled cutter,
John. met that man Smith on the street today"
"We he's got d right to be the street,
amt he" snapped Mr. Pecvcd, who found he had
ruined the cigar by his efforts "Sposc you did
meet him! What of it?
He said continued Mrs. Pccvcd, ignoring
her husbands interruption, "hc said that you and he
going to a club banquet together tomorrow
night. |, it truc?'
"Ncs. it IS, retorted Mr. Pccvcd finging the
The Washington times., 1911-03-08

spoiled scrap basket selecting another
it's Amt a right banquet while
without a kicking a fuss;
%Im not kicking fuss said Mrs Pceved taking up her
wicked go Lent 1t bad example
for anyway. What's the
bring the country club Sundays
banquctsbanqucts. please i'll Lent I'm sure don't find it
hardship home days Of the year.
Rot snapped Mr. Pccvcd Don't work like slave all day:
night and fix the the
ashes and generally work like dog alter I've done full day
and then if little
bit pleasure begin hocng and kicking about
You make tired
you're convince yourself John PCcvcd snapped
his wife "and going that banquet told Bill Smith
changed mind and somebody else don't
intend that any husband OF mine shall 60 to banquet i'll
Miss Peeved interrupted Della from the doorway Dat all
how they found
matinee. YOU will
he will you-al by
NO pleasures Lent! Oh tcchce.' snkered Mr. Peevcd
Heres where go O the banquet with bells on
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-03-17
Supply and Prices Of Beef Cattle

Writing on the subject of cattle
supply prospects in the Breeders,
Gazette, j. G. Inboden, of Illinois,
says he is surprised in finding the
uniformity of total yearly receipts
for the last 10 years at the four
markets of Chicago, Kansas City.
St. Louis and Omaha. The total
average for 10 years in round num-
bers was $500, 900 head. The aver
age for the last three previous years
7,849, 900. Six years exceeded the
average, namely, 1908, 1905. 1907,
1909 and 1910, yet no year reached
5000, 900.
Turning to the: prices of beef
steers, fat cows and heifers at Chica-
go during the past 10 years, he finds
an average for beef steers is $5.66
and for fat cows and heifers $5.O4.
The last three years the average
for beef steers is S6.41 and for fat
cows and heifers $4.31. The near
est approach in any year in the last
three years average was in 1902,
$500 for beef steers and $4.70 for
fat cows and heifers.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-03-17
To Build New Capitol

There is great rejoicing in Olympia
because the legislature has decided
that work shall begin on the con-
struction of a permanent capitol
buildin G. This means that Olympia
will letain the seat Of the state
government. Often, in the past,
has there been agitation to select
some other city for this honor, but
Olympia has always resisted outside
claims.,. Now temple of justice
is to be erected at cost of $780,
600. It will be the first of group
on the Sylvester site owned by
the state overlooking Puget Sound.
The main building will be built
later on, On the foundation put in
several years ago at cost OF $780,
600.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-03-17
John 7. Sutton
Killed at Renton

John T. Sutton, eldest son OF Mr,
and Mrs. Chas. H. Sutton, OF the
San Juan valley, who had been EN-,
ployed for many years as railroad
conductor on the Columbia & Puge.
Sound railroad, was instantly killed
Tuesday morning at Renton. ne
was seated between the bumpers OF
two coal cars when he lost ms
balance and fell beneath the wheels.
An inquest was held and yer olct
rendered that he met his death oy
accident while in the performance
of his duty. 'The evidence, p" SAID
Coroner Snyder, of King county.
showed that the train was on IFS
way to the weighing station and
Sutton was at the post regularly oc-
cupied by the conductor -
Mr.. Sutton was forty-two years
of age and had been a resident OF
King county for thirty-two years.
His home was at Newcastle, where
he leaves wife and one daughter.
seventeen years old. He was Ma
son and an active member of Tyee
lodge at Newcastle. belonging to Its
"drill team, considered one Of the
best in the state.
His parents and brothers and Sis
ters here have the sincere sympathy
of large circle of friends. They
left as quickly as they could to at
tend the funeral. which was held
yesterday at Renton under the d.
rection of the Masons. The father
is past master of St. Andrews
lodge at Renton.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-03-17
Selling Agency
to Market Fruit


To work out a systematic method
OF distribution for handling the
$40, 600, 900 fruit crop of the North
west is the purpose Of the plan
adopted at the horticultural confer
ence recently held in Walla Walla.
1t was attended by representatives
of the leading growers OF Washing
ton, Oregon, Idaho and Montana.
They made considerable progress in
forming tentative organization
which has been referred to the sepa-
rate localities for approval. Here
tofore' various districts. all of which
have a common interest. have been
in competition with each other.
Frequently the results have been
disastrous. Some markets have
been glutted, while others were
overlooked. This condition grew
out of the fact that the growers
let the situation handle them,
instead of they handling the situa-
ton. 1t is not intended that the
proposed central selling agency
shall operate in restraint of trace.
Its purpose is to advance the inter-
ests of the grower and consumer,
bringing them closer together, by
eliminating the middleman. 1t will
benefit the dealer by reducing
speculative uncertainties.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-03-17
Vocational Bigotry

5 Hoard's Dairyman observes that
ga great blunder is made by men in
all vocations in supposing that they
can learn only from other men in
the same vocation. Farmers general
ly think that only another farmer
can instruct them, and SO it runs
through all the lines of human effort.
This may be called Vocational
bigotry'' and there is much of it
among men in all vocations. We
once heard General Smith, the
eminent u. S. Engineer, say that
some of the most valuable hints and
suggestions in his profession he had
obtained from common laborers in
his employ. The truth, is that
every man should keep his eyes.
ears and mind open to the truth,
and hail it W ith hearty welcome
without prejudice against the source
it may come from. Self conceit, in
tolerance Of other mems opinions,
has barred thousands Of men from
the progress and success they SO
much desired. =
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-03-17
Our Trade With Canada and Products
Affected by Reciprocity Measure

The nature of the proposed Cana
dian reciprocity agreement, Pres
Ildent Taft is so intent upon having
enacted into law, which for purpose
ne has called Congress to convenesin
extraordinary session on the 4th of
April, well set forth in an article
IN Harper's Weekly which purports
to be an authorized expression of
the presidents views. The writer,
Mr.. Chas. Johnston. says that the
agreement is in form a law which it
is sought to have enacted in identi-
cal form by Congress and by the
Parliament of the Dominion. Brief
ly, its effect, in President Taft S
own words. is as follows:
The value of the total imports
from Canada into the United States
for the fiscal year 1910 was $97 ,892,-
684. OF this amount $45, ,788, TAG
was already free. leaving $50, 2,1O3.-
938 dutiable. Of the $52,1O3, ,938
dutiable,s by this agreement the
duties are either removed or reduced
on S43, los, ,215, or eighty-three per
cent of the total dutiable articles,
the value of the articles remaining
dutiable at full rates being only
Sc. 1898, ,723, or. seventeen per cent.
Of the agreement is confirmed by
Congress there will remain only
$16.520.0O0 out of S98, 100000 i'm
ports into the United States from
Canada on which duties are collect
ID"
"Let us state this in another way.
II Congress passes this bill, we shall
gain The following benefits in our
purchases from Canada, and it is
noteworthy how many of them bear
upon the cost of living: we shall be
able to buy from Canada, free Of
duty, fresh fruits and vegetables,
fresh and dried fish, dairy produce,
eggs, live animals, clover and grass
seed, flax seed, hay. oats, cotton-seed
hoil, rough lumber, cream separators,
barbed-wire fencing, galvanized
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-03-17

wire; likewise the following
materials used in manufactures:
mica, feldspar, fuorspar, asbestos,
and gypsum So much for the free
list. We shall further be able to
buy from Canada, under reduced
import duties. meats, lard, canned
fruits, flour, cereal foods, planed
lumber, shingles. agricultural imple-
ments, vitrified paving-blocks, build
ing stone, and a host Of other
things"
"On the other hand, in our sales
to Canada, we benefit in the follow
ing articles: agricultural machinery,
farm wagons, motor vehicles.
watches and clocks, oranges and
other Southern fruits, canned fruits
and vegetables. pickles, sauces, and
confectionery.
The moral and political sides of
the question are eloquently set forth
in the words with which President
Taft recommended it to Congress,
after the commissioners for the two
countries had come to cordial
agreement: "Since becoming a
nation," said Mr.. Taft, Canada has
been our good neighbor, Immediately
contiguous across a wide continent
without artificial or natural barrier
except navigable wyters used in
common. She has cost us nothing
in the way of preparations for de-
fence against her possible assault,
and she never will. She has sought
to agree with us quickly when differ
ences have disturbed our relations.
She shares with us common tradi-
tions and aspirations. / feel l have
correctly interpreted the wish of
the American people by expressing,
in the arrangement now submitted
to Congress for its approval, their
desire for more intimate and cord
ial relationship with Canada. /,
therefore, tearnestly hope that the
measure will be promptly enacted
| into law"
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1911-03-17

Fhe tax commission of the state
Of Washington has stated in its re-
port that the time has come when
the fruit trees should be taxed.
Heretofore all fruit trees, except
those for nursery purposes, have
been exempt, as have forest trees
artificiallygrown. Whether the tax
commissions report is adopted or
not it is Of vital interest to the fruit
industry.