The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1911-01-05

Company
1t having been announced to me,
my young friends, that you were
about forming fire-company, Ihave
called you together to give you such
directions as long experience in
first-quality engine company quail
fies me to communicate. The mo-
ment you hear an alarm of fire,
scream like a pair of panthers. Run
any way, except the right way,
the furtherest way round is the near
est way to the fire. IF you happen
to run on the top Of a wood pile, so
much the better, you can then get
good view Of the neighborhood. If
light breaks on your view, break"
for it Immediately; but be sure you
don't jump into a bay window.
Keep yelling, all the time; and if
you can't make night hideous enough
yourself, kick all the dogs you come
across, and set them yelling, too;
twill help amazingly. A brace Of
cats dragged up stairs by the tail
would be powerful auxiliary"
When you reach the scene Of the
fire, do all you can 70 convert it into
scene of destruction. Tear down
all the fences in the vicinity. If it's
a chimney on fire, throw salt down
it; or, if you can't do that, perhaps
the best plan would be to jerk off
the pump-handle and pound it down.
Don't forget to yell, all the while,
as it will have a prodigious effect
in frightening off the fire. The loud
er the better, of course; and the
more ladies in the vicinity, the great
er necessity for doing it brown"
Should the roof begin to smoke, get
to work in good earnest, and make
any man smoke" that interrupts
-uAu4- If Ii 4l1A.4a
fruit trees in the lot, cut them down,
to prevent the fire from roasting the
apples. Don't forget to yell! Should
the stable be threatened, carry out
the cow-chains. Never mind the
horse, e,-he'n be alive and kicking;
and if his legs don't do their duty,
let them pay for the roast. Ditto as
to the hogs; them save their
own bacon. or smoke for it. When
the roof begins 10 burn, get crow
bar and pry away the stone steps; or,
if the steps be of wood, procure an
axe and chop them up. Next, cut
away the wash-boards in the base
ment story; and, if that don't stop
the flames, let the chair boards on
the first floor share a similar fate.
Should the 'devouring element" still
pursue the even tenor of it's way"
you had better ascend to the second
story. Pitch out. the pitchers, and
tumble out the tumblers. Yell all
the time!
If you find baby abed, fling it
into the second story window of the
house across the way; but let the
kitten carefully down in work
basket. Then draw out the bureau
drawers, and empty their contents
out of the back window; telling some-
body below to upset the slop- barrel
and rain-water hogshead at the same
time. Of course you will attend to
the mirror. The further it can be
thrown, the more pieces will be
made. If anybody objects, smash it
over his head. Do not, under any
circumstances, drop the tongs down
from the second story; the fall might
break its legs, and render the poor
thing cripple for life. Set it strad-
die Of your shoulders, and carry it
down carefully. Pile the bed clothes
carefully on the floor, and throw the
crockery out of the window. By
the time you will have attended to
all these things. the fire will certainly
be arrested, or the building be burnt
down. In either case, your services
will be no longer needed; and, of