The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-04-30

Co,z. tot was christen-
ed 60 yoh Nthe Orthodox, or
oreeE cS ehssia, taught this,
faitb a. bod, boyhood and
yo,,+b s, when he left the
uniya-u,tN zen he had discard
a an l, a. 1ything he had been
taugh+ le age Of sixteen he
ceased otand from conviction,
to 60 PSrvices of the church.
No Ios tpted the faith Of his
embassy be believed in some
tbins rcely knew what. He
beIie,,.5 .Iod, or at least did not
denv Ltu istence, nor did he deny
cbris+ Lyle did not know what kind
Of cor in what consisted the
teacb;naf Christ. He later came to
see tie believed in the possibility
of na-eaon. To attain this he went
thron.hardship Of physical train
inc eSmoral discipline. He develop
ed +Llntense faith in natural good
ness against the doctrine Of natural
IDENTITY Of man as taught by the
cbn1. Every time, however, he tried
fo kpress his lodgings for perfec-
fioz he was met by contempt and
r,cule. In his circle the base pas
sns of ambition, love Of power, gain,
cherry, pride, anger, vengeance were
kld in high esteem. "a hnd-hearted
aunt of mine, a really good woman
with whom I lived" he says, used to
say to me that there was one thing
she wished for me above all others
an intrigue with a married woman.
The greatest piece Of good fortune Of
all she thought would be that I should
hV-f6A xvhn vvnIIln
bring me as her dowry as many slaves
as could be-"
At twenty-six he went to st. Peters
burg and met the authors Of the day.
among whom he had already won
favorable place. His companionshfp
with these men, before he was aware,
led him to fall into their way OF life,
and put an end to all former struggles
for a better life. Here he found the
theory Of life to be, Whatever is, is
right. He became an evolutionist- He
taught, and wrote, and then came to
the consciousness that he taught with
out knowing what to teach, and so
\ mt abroad for q year to learn, re-
turning the year the serfs were hber-
ated and entered into the service Of the
government, and alternately taught in
the schools and edited q journal, mar
rying at thirty-two. In this manner he
lived and accumulated, acquiring fame
among men. but becoming more and
more dissatified within. He says my
life was a foolish and wicked joke
played on me by some one" His life
came to a stop. He was able, he says,
70 breathe, to eat, to sleep, but there
was no real life in him because he
had not a single desire, the fulhllment
a which he could feel TO be reason
able. at is possible to live only so
long as life tntoxicates US; as soon as
We are sober again we see that II Is all
aadelusion.Y he said.
He tells of his experience at this
ktage, by referring to an old eastern
fable about a traveller in the steppes
who was attacked by a furious wild
beast. To save himself the traveller
gets into a waterless well; but at the
bottom of 1t he sees a dragon with
it's jaws wide open to devour him. The
unhappy man dares not get out for
fear of the wild beast, and dares not
descend for fear OF the dagon, SO
catches hold of a branch of wild plant
growing in a crevice Of the we'll His
arms grow tired, and he feels that he
must soon perish, death awaiting him
on either side, but he still holds on;
and he sees two mice, one black and
the other white, gradually making
their way round the stem Of the wild
plant, on which he is hanging, nib
bling il through. The plant will soon
give way and break, and he will fall
into the jaws Of the dragon. The
traveller sees this, and knows that he
must inevitably perish; but, while still
hanging, he looks around him, and
finding some drops Of honey on the
leaves Of the wild plant, he stretches
out his tongue and ticks them. Thus
DO I cling to the branch Of life, know
ing that the dragon OF death inevitably
awaits me, ready to tear me to pieces
Il also strive to suck the honey which
once comforted me, but this honey no
longer rejoices me. It is no fable, but
Ia living, undeniable truth to be under
stood by all men,"
For years he searched for what all
the prophets and philosophers and re-
ligionists Of the world have sought.
namely. a solution to the problem Of
life. What is the chief good?"
He read everything, and searched
all the theologies. His work was now
that Of a most earnest seeker after
truth. Until fifty he says he was
properly a nihilist. and at fifty he came
60 believe in the doctrine Of Christ as
n solution 20 that problem OF life. and
at once his life underwent q sudden
Transformation. In his own words
MY condition was like that OF a man
who goes forth on some errand. and
suddenly decides on the way that the
matter Is OF no Importance, and re-
turns home. What was At first on
his right hand Is now on his left. and
what was az his left Is now on his
right
The direction Of his life was now
changed because he understood thu
doctrine % Christ I'm a different way
from that in which he had understood
u before. Then follows his book, writ
ten az fifty-nve. entitled My Relig-
ion-" He says. I do not care TO ex-
pound the doctrine OF Christ; I wish
only 70 tel how IL was that l came
90 understand what in this doctrine II
most simple. clear. evident. indisputa'
bic. and appeals most 10 all men, and
how this understanding refreshed my
soul and gave me happiness and peace
/ should only wish one thing: 20 d
away with all exposition"