The Columbus journal., 1911-03-22
BIT OFF TOO MUCH.

BIT OFF TOO MUCH.
Unthinking San Franciscans, little
reck ye what is coming on the wings Of
time. VainglOrious now over the win
ming Of the great canal fair for 1915,
ye dream Of civic blossoming such as
no American city has yet put forth.
Think not to have the garden without
the weeds. They are coming. Al
ready every faker and "streetman" in
the country has put down, San Fran
cisco, 1885, in his dinsy engagement
book. Swindlers and confidence men
are taking notice, and SO, too,are those
feminine sneak thieves who find their
golden opportunity when housewives
are offering rooms to out Of town
guests. Already such are chuckling
to think how much small property
they can make off with while the mis-.
tress Of the house is crying up her
rooms.
Dye San Franciscans, the cot bed
is coming! The roomipg sign is COM
ing. Like an eruption upon the face
of your streets shall break out the rash
Of cheap signs. Decent, respectable
old family homes shall sport labels.
THE Bridal" Exposition View"
The Ballyhoo." The rooming house
solicitor is coming too. You shall not
hear the sound Of incoming trains for
the noise Of his insistent, never ceasing
clack. And there shall be feuds be-
tween housewives, the friends of life
time quarreling over who shall snatch
the most rOomers.
The souvenir is coming; and the
stands Of them that sell souvenir,
shall invade your principal streets that
look unuttersbly cheap. And if your
laws will not allow stands ON the side
walks, then breaches will be made in
the walls Of your business building
and souvenir stands let in. But tn
stands will come. And pink Lemonade
will be sold upon Your boulevards an'
also peanuts, popcorn and corn fritter
a meal in every packaye,a nickel hal
Il dime.
And there shall be shows, Penny
vaudeville shall he choice compare,
to those shows-Paris by Gasligh,
Daute's Inferno, Cripple Creek Gam
bin. Den and things like that. Thes
shall break out on your main thorougl
fares and keep just out of reach Of III
police. And out near the exposition
grounds all the unsavory shows whic
fail to get into the true and holy Mid
way, they shall camp round abou, ,b
walls. Aud there shall lie murder
and riots among the dubious showfolk
and the odium thereof shall attach t
the true and holy Midway within tn
walls. And there shall be quick. luUc
kiosks and Bohemian beer gardens, an
night lunch wagons providing by day
And there shall be ten cent soda an
all prices according. And ever
man. maid servant shall threaten TO &
away and get job at the fair.
/ And there shall be exposition Sian.
And every true San Francisco
shall be bled for stock and gate ticket
and second mortgage bonds and the
more gate tickets and the deficit.
And there will be guests. The 50
ofyour great uncle's step brother fror
Jamaica will come t. visit you, an
the grand niece Of your brother in law
most cordially detestcd aunt.
| And there shall be convention.
And We shall not find room upon you
own street cars. And strangers shall
dig you in tine ribs with their umbrel
las and say: What's that?' An,
when you tell them what it is. the
shall say: "Do you suppose h
knows"
| And you shall cry unto yourselves
l"Lawk mercy on Us, this is none o