The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1911-01-20
A Lazy Mans
Scheme
-
BY NJ. QUAD
Copyright. 1910, by Associated lit
erary Press

| support. Jonathan had reached his
forty fifth year and wasn't worrying at
all as to how the future years We're
going with him when stranger en-
tered his shop one day and found him
chewing at shaving. The stranger
introduced himself as Brown. He was
the homeliest man in the village.
Brown said.
"Mebbe you want job that will pay
you good money!
1t was all of two minutes before
Jonathan asked II there was any hard
work connected with 1t.
! mot Bit" was the answer You
are simply to travel around with me.
| You'll be my secretary and take down
names and dates. That will be all for
the present. Twenty dollars a week
and expenses, and you are to keep
your mouth shut. Can You start In to-
morrow?"
He said he would try 1t for week
rnyhow. After another talk with
Brown it was settled that way. and
then the latter said:
I'VE will now take walk around
the village together. Here il note
book and pencil, and your duties as
secretary begin at once. shall talk
to people In way. and they will have
something to say in return. Write 1t
down. Write down the names Of any
other persons overhearing the remarks
Be sure of your figures"
Jonathan and Brown walked to the
postoffice. There was quite q crowd
hanging around the place. 1t was soon
understood that the stranger was deaf
and dumb, and Mr. Johnston, the mer-
chant, remarked in the hearing OF
three or four others:
/ "Well, of all the man-gorillas | ever
heard tell of this fellow takes the cake.
n Jonathan. where did you pick him
up"
"Oh. he's a purity smart feller." was
the reply.
Smart echoed the grocer. Why,
you have only to look at him TO see
that he's born fool. 1t ought to be
against the law for such critters to be
at large"
Then the other dry goods man had 4
slurring remark to make, and the rail-
road agent had something to say, and
Browns secretary filled three pages Of
his notebook with good evidence. Be
fore the day was over he had twelve
pages No one had a word IN favor of
Brown He was called all sorts Of
names. and when he appeared to ask
questions in the deaf and dumb lan-
guage he was almost booted at
The next day the pair started Off IN
horse and buggy and did not return
until they Ind visited every village IN
two counties.
BY and by that notebook was full OF
memoranda to the last page and then
there was return to Ellenyille. There
was but one lawyer in the place. II
was afterward remembered that he
had never said aught against Brown.
. He had listened to others, but had said
nothing himself When he and Brown
and Jonathan drove over to the county
seat town In company one day nothing
strange was thought of 1t, but sur.
prise party was On hand. Within q
couple of days AL tho consta,les In the
county were serving suuiinonses on
people who had slaudercd Brown
When Ellen county was finished the
constables In Rockaway couity took
up the work. The number OF salnmonS
served IN both counties was 109 Each
one was for defamation Of character
and asked for $4,000 damages. The
recipients Of these legal papers greet
ed their service with laughter, but Inc
laughing did not last Tong. Those Wht
engaged lawyers and started IN 80 iighl
the matter were confronted with dates
names ana expressions used aud had
to admit they were correct. When they
had done this they had 40 defense, ant
in each and every case were ndvisc
to settle.
There are always clients who VII
pay lawyers fees and then take thei
own way. A few of the victims band
ed together and resisted the suits
Then II came ont that Brown had beer
referred to as Il foil. Il dummy. ~
idiot, hedge fence. u gorilla, mon
key, a skunk, a lunatic. /. 'r,ia.-is-lt.
coon, freak and some f,f,, 4tlc
names, and those who Ind refused hin
food and shelter because he Vas no
pretty to look upon found ruin s.ariui
them in the face. The serdict IN th
contested suits was for the ii9irtiff
with heavy damages, aud the other
fell over themselves to settle.
Brown and Jonathan were net to-
hard hearted. No extUrtion was prac
ticed, but at the end Of six months
when the last case had been settled
there was goodly pot OF money
Jonathan received his salary and
good bit more, and when Brown wa
ready to depart he said TO him.
Jonathan, never work when 70
can avoid it."
II never have and never shnl.." wa
the reply.
But If you have to work-if circum
stances drive you into It and you ca
see no possible way out. thcnY--
"Then work with the head insten
Of the hands. The wear and tear q
It comes on the other fellows ans
penders instead Of your own"