Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-12-02

not appear over anxious to approach
the liverwurst and dill pickles, but
hesitate for half a minute, so that |
you will not give those within the
impression that you came there pri-
marily to eat, even though such be
the case. During the business of |
pausing midway betwixt the lunch
counter and the door, watch the
lunch carefully out of one or two
corners OF your eyes, lest it disap-
pear. Then approach the lunch coun-
ter with a firm energetic step and
from that time on make it your bust
ness to hover over it. After par
taking of eight or ten sandwiches
and stuffing your pockets with pref
zels, etc, it is usually proper to
bawl out the management for the
mediocre quality of provender put
out, and cite specific instances
where you have come into the place
time and again, and have only got
ten IS cents worth of plain food
from the expenditure of a nickel for
beer.
Now that you have slowed away
enough to stave off the pangs of
hunger for an additional "a hours, 1t
is sometimes customary to purchase
ones self a drink, although experts
maintain that this action is entirely
superfuous. But never refuse to &C
cept drink, or your reputation is
gone. Many of the real hoi poloi
h>r In 70 tn IN n
barroom for IL hours running, with
out either buying a drink or ceasing
an allegro Fletcherization of the
lunch.
There is a variance of opinion as
to whether it is proper to upset a
cuspidor or expectorate on the wall.
We say, however, always upset the
gioboon if the porter be absent, as
in this way the floor will maintain 3
tidy appearance. Should the wall
have been newly frescoed or decorat-
ed by all means unleash a huge COB
of tobacco juice on its immaculate
surface, giving that tone in browns
! so much effected in the Latin quar-.
| ter this winter.
|
that you have button holed some fish
and have gotten into him for a
drink. After cumming the makings
| of a cigaret, ask somebody for a
match and begin to brag about your
self. Tell them how you told the
boss If he did not come across with
9 five-buck raise you would leave the
firm to disintegrate upon the shores
Of commerce. Give full details OF
how you bawled him out for a slave
driver and explained to him that
what he did not know would fill q
considerable volume. Explain how
he cringed before your naughty on,
slaught, and on Bonded knee implor
ed you to remain with the firm at &
ten-buck raise. While relating al
this, wave your hand with the light
ed cigaret from side to side, as il
many cases you will be fortunate
enough to shove the glowing enc
into the eye of an unoffending by
stander, thus pulling a good laugh
Keep yelling, lets have another,
but when the bartender puts thu
drink before you, see TO IL mat vol
are safely across the room making
another deadly assault on the lunch
Always try and organize a quartz
so as to make the occasion as agoniz
ing as possible, making it a point t
beat time with your half filled bee
glass. In this manner you may b
able to drench four or five men wit
the contents of your shell. Afte
taking three drinks you are now sup
posed to be intoxicated. Insist upo
shaking hands with everyone an,
telling them the history of your life
If you stick to your story Ion
enough you will soon have them S
wild that they will gladly buy an
other drink. Always bear in min
> that the more profanity you use, tn