davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
KNEW THEIR PLACE OF ABODE
CoIored Witness Certain That Princi
pals in Lawsuit Had Not Moved
From HaWkensvilie.

The object of the suit was to deter
mine the ownership of a COW. One
of the witnesses was Abram Reese, a
colored man who had worked for the
plaintiff. Il will ask you, Mr.. Reese .
said the attorney for the defendant,
IF you were present when the ex-
change in question was consummat-
ed?" Il didn't see muffin O. dat kind,
mistuh." Perhaps you don't under
stand me. Were you there when the
trade was made?" Yes, sub; / wuz
dab wen Mist Hibbs done trade de
buggy for Mist Simmons COW"
Wasn't there a different understand
ing between them at some later pc
riod?" DE unde'standin' tween 'em
wuz all right, sub" Il mean, Mr..
Reese, did they ever trade back?'
Not as l know, sub" so far as you
know, then, everything remains in
statu Quo?" mo, suh," said Abram,
with much positiveness, "dey's bofe of
EN- still in Hawkensville." -Youth's
Companion.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
RovsS Home in Forest.

England had at least one tree-dwell-
er during the past few months. This
remarkable fact came to light the
other day when boy of thirteen,
named Charles Brown, was charged at
Stratford with being found sleeping
cut without proper control or guard
ianship. When asked where he usual
ly slept the boy confessed that since
June last he had made his home in
Epping Forest What" exclaimed the
magistrate, sleeping in the forest all
that time? You couldn't have slept
there in the winterI" yes I did"
came the prompt reply. 81 climbed
up the trees and slept among the
branches" This plucky youngster, an
orphan and friendless, has supported
himself alone for months by selling
papers.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
New NEWS =
Or YESTERDAY
by r. [ E1zAz%U%

several others whom l could name, all
Of whom developed great strength as
men of finance. But they did that
chiefly in the norsh And. curiously
enough, the ablest fnancier the south
ever has had, Robert ]. Walker Of
Mississippi, secretary Of the treasury
in Folks administration, was a north
ern man by birth and early training,
who opposed secession, negotiated
abroad a very important loan for the
Union in the latter part of the war,
and at the same time did a very great
deal to prevent the success OF the
second Confederate loan III Europe.
''Ah, well, the stars in their courses
made the decision in the great strug-
gls Perhaps it is as well. Had We
established the Confederacy, through
the presence among US Of capable
financier, our great strain and test
would unquestionably have come in
time of peace Perhaps 1t is true
that the Confederacy consisted simply
Of several of the states bound togeth-
er by a rope of sand And if we had
gained our independence, we doubt
less should have been compelled early
to prove, If possible, that this rope
was not Of sand but of steel"
Copyright, 1911, by E. ]. Edwards. All
Rights Reserved.)
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
What Mamma Said

When the new minister, a hand
some and unmarried man, made his
first pastoral call at the Fosdicks, he
took little Anna up in his arms and
tried to kiss her; but the child re-
fused to be kissed; she struggled
loose and ran off into the next room,
where her mother was putting a few
finishing touches to her adornment be-
fore going into the drawing room to
greet the clergyman.
Mamma" the little girl whispered,
the man in the drawing room wanted
me to kiss him.
Well" replied mamma, why didn't
you let him? l would if l were you
Thereupon Anna ran back into the
drawing room, and the minister
asked:
We'll, little lady, won't you kiss
me now?"
mo, WON'T replied Anna, prompt
ly, but mamma says she will. "-Ex-
change.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Valuable Bird,

Parrots round about these ere
parts" said a seafaring looking man
in the Goat and Grapes, don't seem
to ave no sense. I 'ad a bird when l
come off the Saucy Emma wot'd a.
made yer open yer eyes, an no mis-
take. Alwus used ter say the Collect
for the day before every bid o sugar,
that bird did, and is intonin' d make
a Ugh church curate turn rainbow
colored wi jealousy. 'Ad i'm in the
railway kerridge wi me goin' up ter
London. There wus only an old lady
in the compartment besides us, an
bein' tired l drops off ter sleep.
wakes up in about 'arf an our, an
wonders wOt the deuce was up. There
was the old lady Iookin' scared ter
death, an the parrot in the bottom Of
the cage wi his back up like a blessed
cat Flip EIp,' e was a-shoutin'
I know it's leap year, but if that old
geezer comes any tricks I'm a-goin'
ter pull the communication cord!"-
London Answers.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Jupiter's she Sky Thief.

The planet Jupiter has been found
guilty, on both direct and circum-
stantial evidence. of stealing comets,
says Prof. d. J. McAdam, writing in
Harper's Weekly. There are some
thirty comets whose orbits lie SO close
to Jupiter's that the homage which
they seem to pay to him cannot be
accidental. But Jupiter has been
caught red-handed. In 17C-, as a
certain comet was passing Jupiter's
orbit on its 48-year period, Jupiter
tried to steal it and succeeded in re-
ducing its period to one of five and
a half years. But Jupiter cannot
catch every comet which he attacks.
In 1879 he tried again, and his greed
spoiled his work He pulled out the
period of its orbit from five and a
half to twenty-seyen years. In 1885
Jupiter pulled back the orbit to one
of seven years and split it into five
pieces. His next chance will arrive in
1921, when he may capture or de.
stroy it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
MONKEY WITH MEDAL
MASCOT OF n. nj. S. VIGILANT is
DECORATED FOR SERVICE.
Jenny, a Simian From the Andaman
islands, Went Through Ahyssinian
Campaign and Liked the
Roar of Battle.

Nearly every warship has had
pet aboard at one time or another, but
very few of these animals have ever
attained the distin ction accorded to
Jenny, the mascot Of H. NJ. S. Vigllant,
who served through the Abyssinian
campaign and was discharged with a
service medal, suitably inscribed with
her name and rating, suspended by d
silver chain about her hairy neck.
Jenny was found in the Andaman
Islands, where no monkeys were sup
posed to exist, and she belonged to
new species. Her body was covered
with long, light gray hair, much finer
and siIkier than the hair of the aver
age simian; her head was unusually
broad between the ears, her eyes
larger than others of her kind and
her hands more like those Of a human
being.
Jenny was about a year old when
captured. and at first was very wild,
but from constant petting she quickly
grew tame and took to life on the
ocean wave like a duck to water
Every man aboard the ship, from Cap
tain Brown down to the cook, took
turns at educating Jenny, and as she
was amazingly intelligent it never
needed more than two or three lessons
to teach her what she must or must
not do She was permitted the run
of the vessel, and never betrayed the
trust reposed in her by an act of wan
ton mischief. Jenny showed marked
f0ndness for something to nurse and
pet, and adopted half-grown chicken
as her baby, rocking it in her arms
for hours at a time, much to the chick
ems disgust. When it died-prObably
from too much affectiOn-Jenny mOped
and was inconsolabIe. One of the sail
ors made a rag doll for her, but find
ing it was not alive she promptly
threw it overheard.
She had her own hammock slung
with the men and turned in when they
did. She never was able to learn to
lash her hammock, though she made
many attempts to do so. She always
was in her particular place at the
mess table, ate with a fork and spoon,
drank from a cup, and learned to like
tea with milk and sugar. Her favorite
dish was corn meal and molasses. She
also relished a glass of grog and en-
joyed a pipe, which she filed and
lighted without assistance.
Jenny showed no fear of firearms
and kept her station on deck when
the batteries were roaring. When the
Vigilant reached England after four
years cruise and her crew was mus
tered out, Jenny was presented to the
London ZOO
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Newton Booth, After Entering United
States Senate, Lapsed into Utter
Obscurity Because He kne'T
He Was MORALLY Ill.

Hiram Johnson, who was elected
governor of California last November,
has gained national prominence as a
man who successfully fought the so
called railroad monopoly of the state.
The first governor of the state to win
a like minority was Newton Booth, who
led the people in their fight against the
railroads in the early seventies. Serv-
ing two years, from 1872, as governor,
he resigned and was sent to the United
States senate by the legislature, and
there as great things were expected
of him as had been done by him as a
candidate for governor and as govern
or. But from the day he entered the
senate in 1875 until the day he left it
in March, 1881, he did not do a thing
worthy of note, to the mingled won
der and disappointment of his friends
and his state.
What was the reason Of this com
plete reversal of form in the public
service? I knew Newton Booth, l was
among those who wondered at the in
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
insurance AGAINST Rain.

The bane of outdoor life in Eng
land is the excessive rainfall. Shows,
pageants, garden parties, regattas
and fetes of all kinds are to an I'M
common degree at the mercy of the
skies. No wonder that the English
have finally elaborated a systematic
scheme to provide indemnity for dis
appointment or loss caused by wet
weather. The new plan, which is as
ISOLATED with Lloyd's underwriters,
will first be tried at the resorts of
the south and east coasts from May
to October. You may insure against
rain, to a certain fraction of an inch,
on any single day; or against rain OF
more than two days during any one
week; or, if planning weekend
party, against rain On four consecu-
tive days.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
One Is That No Employer May EN-
pIoy a Man Who Drinks Alec
hoIic Liquors to Excess.

Belgium has just drawn up a spe-
cial code OF laws governing painters
and the exercise Of their craft, which
are singularly strict and exhaustive,
according to the Omaha Bee.
From the new laws which hedge
them IN one would think painting the
most dangerous trade in the whole
catalogue. IN the first place no en-
ployer of painters may employ a man
who drinks alcoholic beverages to the
temporary extinction of his logical
power, and no intoxicating liquors are
to be brought into the vicinity Of the
workers. Employers are responsible
for the care which their men take Of
their persons
They must see that every painter
washes his hands before eating, sus-
pend the men whose health is not
satisfactory. and discharge anyone
sGFering from lead poiso- tag. a
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Californian Lost His Grip

significant-yes, well nigh pathetic
figure he cut as a senator. But the
reason was not clear to me until Col.
Bob IngersoI one day lifted the veil
of secrecy for me.
I suppose no man was more griev-
ously disappointed or astonished at
Senator Booths career, which has just
closed than l." said Colonel Ingersoll.
In his early manhood he was almost
ne1ghbor Of mine; I first heard of
him as practicing lawyer in Terre
Haute. Then | lost track of him for
awhile, and when I next heard of him
he was in California About the time
OF Grants inauguration as president,
began to hear him as a great po-
litlcal speaker, as the first real leader
IN the fight against the growth of mo-
nopoly in that state He showed the
way IN which the demOraIizing in1u-
ences, caused by the manner in which
California had so swiftly developed,
could be ended. That made him the
practical head of the great anti-mo-
nopoly party; that made him a reputa-
ton in the east, and you know how he
became governor and senator.
We'll, when the word came to me
that Newton Booth had been elected to
the United States senate, I was greatly
pleased. Now said, this old friend
Of mine will show the country that he
has the makings of a president in him
Fondly l looked forward to what he
would do in the senate l doubt if
any other man ever entered the SEN
ate from the section of the country
west of the Missouri river who was so
widely known, and of whom so much
was expected.
But something puzzling happened
as soon as he took his seat He lapsed
into absolute senatorial obscurity. He
seemed almost Indifferent to his re-
spOnsibilities. He sat day after day
in his place, twirling his thumbs or
plucking nervOusly at his beard.
was shOcked-chagrined
and no one could explain the peculiar
phenomenon to me, until, one day, my
curiosity getting the better of me whefl
I met Senator Booth, asked him point
blank why he was not taking active
part in the proceedings of the senate,
in view of the fact that the country
had expected real leadership of him.
For perhaps full minute he look
ed at me sadly, and then, in a tone
of voice that | shall never forget-it
was SO full of pathos-he told me that
he was conscious of a great change in
himself on the very day that he had
taken his seat in the senate; he felt
that day, and for days afterwards, that
he had lost his grip. But at first he
could not fathom the feeling. Now,
however, he knew the cause of it.
Colonel he explained, I am suffering
from a mortal disease. l am sitting
in my place in the senate with a death
sentence hanging over me. 1 have no
heart to try to do the things which
my state and my country expect of
me-
Then I saw the tears fill his eyes.
and | realized that his heart was
broken by reason of his failure as
senator, the anti-climax of a promi-
nent public career, due to physical i'm
pairment.
Copyright, 1911, by z. ]. Edwards. All
Rights Reserved)
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25

siderable period upon the historic spot
where the Monitor and Merrimac met,
said:
L have sometimes thought that the
issue Of the war might have been
somewhat different If the south had
possessed one prominently great f.
nancier. The north produced at crit
ical junctures throughout that strug-
gle very able fnanciers, and yet the
north did not possess a resource such
as We had in our pocket. l have won
dered whether, had there been a man
Of the south capable of handling the
cotton harvests as any one of several
great financiers Of the north could
have done, We might not have car
ried the issue, at least to the point Of
compromise. And as l think on this
matter I can never understand how
1t happened that Immediately after the
war was over-immediately after the
decision had been against the south
men came out Of the south who pos
sessed very great financial capacity
to make large fortunes. There was r.
T. Wilson, for instance; there was
Patrick T. Calhoun, and there were
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Literary Persons Inferior Penmer

The handwriting Of literary men is
supposed to have improved during re-
cent years. but there are still a few
with a tOndness for hei-ogIyphics. AT
a meeting of the Methodist confer
eGce in Melbourne, Australia, the 9th
er day Rev DR. Fitchett, author Of
Deeds That Won the Empire" and
cher popular works. handed up a
resolution. The president Looked at
1t, turned it upside down and round
about, and at length gave it up in
despair. The clerk was equally unable
10 decipher it. 7 must ask Brother
Fitchett," said the president, ito be
good enough to rewrite his resoIu-
ton and try to make it readable.
At present it resembles doctors
prescription"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Usual Fate Of Inventors.

Elias Bowe, a Frankfort tailor, has
recently died. Some sixteen years ago
Bowe bIazed the comet of a season.
He had invented a bullet proof cut
rass, and for a time he was one Of the
best-known men in Europe. He had
faith in his invention, which was COM
posed of steel casing with a packing
inside. Bowe, protected with his
cuirass, we are told by a Paris con-
temporary-but this, we think, is a
little magination-submi himself
as a target for the fire Of squadron
of soldiers and came out Of the trial
unscathed, although various deadly
rifles we're used. For some reason his
invention was not received with favor
by the German war department, and
then Bowe went TO Italy, where he
achieved, as we read, lie meme sue
ces ct aussi le meme insucces." Bowe
has died in poverty.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
10 Pray for the Rich.

Two women prominent in St Louis
have started a movement to induce
100000 Of their sex In the south to
prey every day for the rich. They ex-
plain they hope by organizing system
atically groups of women who will
pray often and well for the more af-
fluent, wealthy persons will be led to
contribute to a fund for the evange-
lization of the world. Belle H. Ben
nett, president of the woman's mis-
sionary council of the Methodist
Episcopal church south, and Mrs r.
". Mcdonnell are the originators Of
the plan.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25

sy and my back was so sore and lame
l could not raise my arms above my
head. l was finally induced to take
Doan's Kidney Pills and in six weeks
| was well. My cure was made in
1899 and I have enjoyed excellent
health ever since"
Remember the name-Doan's.
For sale by all dealers so cents a
box. F'oster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, n. Y.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
No likely LEX of Salt

Fears are sometimes expressed that
tie resources of nature will in time
be exhausted. Scientific men have fig
Ured out the duration of the coal sup
ply Of England They have also tod
US how soon our American forests
will cease 10 furnish timber. But
however it may be with other things,
nature seems to have stored up an
abundance of salt. There is the ocean
for one item. and in the mountains
Of the Punjab in Asia a traveller has
discovered q mass of seventeen cubic
miles of salt-enough to supply man
kind for millions of years.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Just Homes.

"a gentleman never snatches his
trousers away from his wife when he
discovers her gong through his peck
cts. He only hopes she -7ill leave him
enough with which to go downtown in
the morning. He is perfectly welcome
help himself to anything he can find.
That is what married life means. A
man should not allow his feelings to
be hurt when his wife runs across
loose change or a roll in his pockets;
he ought to play the game and take
such little conjugal pastimes for
granted.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Rules Of Belgium Painters

painter may not wear the same
clothes on the street or in his home
which he uses in his trade. He is i'm
peratively required to arm himself
with a special suit Of clothes and a
screened hat
Contractors and master painters
are restricted in the use of white
lead to the ground lead mixed with
oil. and it is stipulated that this mix
ture must be so handled that it does
not splash or come in contact with
the painters hands The law strictly
forbids scraping Of dry painted sur
faces in which white lead has been
used
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
AnxIousiy Waiting.

81 do hope things will take a turn
for the better soon. If stock would
only go up!''
why, have you been investing in
stocks, my dear?"
mo, but father has promised that
he would buy me a duke as soon as
A G. & w. touches 1907
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Chinese Educational Puzzle

1t is generally recognized that China
has set to work at the wrong end Of
her education problem. China
has begun at the top, has tried to
establish universities without prepar-
ing students for them, and all the
lower rungs of the ladder are so
badly constructed that it is almost
impossible for the student to mount
by them.-NationaI Review, Shanghai.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Takinu No Chances.

Photographer-Tu make you a very
pretty picture, ma'am.
Fair Sitter want it to look Just
liks ne.
ographer-Would you mind pay.
Ing in advance?-Toledo Blade.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
When a Wife Is Cruel

The husband rushed into the room
where his wife was sitting.
My dear" said he, excitedly.
Guess what! Intelligence has Just
reached me"
The wife gave jump at this point,
rushed to her husband, and, kissing
him fervently, interrupted with:
We'll, thank heaven, Harry!"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25

that | am alive today.
The kidney secretions
passed irregularly and
were a bnor m ally
thick; l had bad spells
with my head and at
times could hardly
stand. My left limb
below the knee be-
came so badly swol-
len that / began to
treat myself for drOD-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25

The sheriff was snoozing away IN
his seat in the coach, when he heard
some one call out: rs there an officer
in the coach from New Castle?"
YES" replied the sheriff very en-
phatically.
Loan me your corkscrew, please,
sir" calmly continued the drummer.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
To Remove Paint From Windows.

In the spring Of the year when there
is SO much painting done many peo-
pie are annoyed by having their win
dow-panes fecked and smeared with
paint. II you rub briskly with hot
acid vinegar you will find this effect
ual in removing paint-Harper'
RaZar
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
Not Vet Voted Out.

Nan, that young man who called
here last night is one of your new
admirers, isn't hep
why, no, auntie; that was Mr..
Wregler, who has been coming here
for years. He's one of my holdovers. -
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
When prosneritv strfkes crnnu

Hank Stubbs-They'v raised the
minister's salary.
Bige Miller-Thet SO,
Hank Stubbs-Yes; they allow him
eight cords ~ wood this year std w
wen
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
The enn.hv Iohhies-

why do they call Washington the
city Of magnificent distances" BE
cause" answered the of1ce-seeker, sit
Is such long way between what you
20 after and what you get"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25
The Way of 1t.

Knicker-How does marriage affect
accomplishments?
Bocker-A girl drops her music and
a man takes up his smoking.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-05-25

Harduppe-Every man should mar
ry. Everything I have in the world
I owe to my wife.
Wigwag-Don't forget that ten spot
you owe me-Philadelphia Record.