Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-09-17
NATIONAL TOPLINERS
BY JAMES HAY. JR.

l.. Meyer"
The thing that gives him pride is his
thorough knowledge of the navy, about
which he knows more, it IS safe to say, than
any man who has held the position in the
last forty years. He studies it day and night,
silencing, quieting, and gagging the aforemen
toned salt water experts and storm prophets.
TN the closing days of the last Congress,
when there was much discussion in Wash
ington regarding what the Democrats would
do in revising the tariff, Congressman Olcott
of New York, who was not reelected, got
this off:
"The Democrats will tear the tariff into
a million pieces. When they get through
with the present law, you will be reminded
of unfortunate salesman who had a miser-
able career. He was sent from his Chicago
firm to do the far Western States, and soon
after the train left the Windy City he was
caught in wreck, sustaining broken leg.
He had the injured limb amputated, and
later reached San Francisco, where he was
caught in the earthquake. He came out of
that so badly hurt that he had to have the
other leg taken off. After long stay in the
hospital, he started back to Chicago; but
was caught in another wreck, having his left
arm torn practically from its socket. When
he entered his home office, the chief said:
"'Wcll, as travelling salesman, you don t
look to us like bowling success; but. as
you We been with us long time, we are 60
ing to send you to London, where we will
give you a desk job in the office
"Fine! Immense! exclaimed the sales
man gratefully.
The third day out, his ship was hit by a
waterspout, and big wave, picking the
cripple from his deck chair, hurled him
against the companionway, breaking his
fourth and last limb. As he lay helpless on
side, he looked up to the sky and cried out
in great emotion:
"'Oh, gods, be reasonable!''
IN the course of duty and society obliga-
tons Senator Swanson of Virginia one
evening was a guest at the house of a man
noted for the number of literary people he
gathered about him. Swanson had been
told that the guests would be either authors
or people competent to discuss literature
from Confucius down to the present day.
Finding himself beside a middle aged but
handsome woman, the Senator observed that
he supposed she was literary person. She
pleaded guilty, and added:
Il think the world of Iridee, and | like
Havthorne's Red Letter. and I'm simply
Swanson has never been able to figure out
who Iridee is; but he believes the literary
lady meant Ouida.
A UGUSTA, Georgia, and Beverly, Mas
SachuSettS, the two towns President
Taft visits when he wants rest and vacation,
have prohibition laws.
W7ILTON LACKAYE, the actor, is
:" Washingtonian, and among residents
of the national Capital he has big reputa
ton as a teller of witty stories. On one oc
casion Willie Collier, also wit and an actor,
told good story to group Of Senators.
After the laughter had died down. one of
the listeners asked, "That's one of Wilton
Lackaye's isn't it?'
Whereupon Collier, looking panied and
bored, replied laconically, "Not yet
MRS. CHAMP CLARK, wife of the
1vA Speaker of the House. is one of the
most powerful political figures in the Capt.
tai She is a deep student of history and
current events, and OCCASIONALLY helps her
husband to write speech.
BAYLOR HICKMAN, an iron manufac
- turer of Louisville, Kentucky, believes in
looking after the comfort Of the men who
work on his farm This IS one of the things
he told John La Gorce, who edits the Ma
tiop.1 Ceooranhic Socety'S mapaZire.