The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-11

Everybody knows that I am not
 grouch, but just at a time when the sig zling heat of the city is almost unbear-
 able and gives a fellow q thirst thal
 prior to the advent of Brooks Lawrence
 he would not have sold for three dollars
 and the despieable and lively flea puts
 him to work 12 hours a day with lots
 of overtime on the side, here comes all
 edict from Commissioner Extraordinary
 and Envoy Plenpotentiary Redpeppei
 Exum requiring all sorts and conditions f of dogs to be muzzled.
 "No matter how respectable or well be-
 haved a dog may be, or how high his Q standing in the community, he comes un- der the baneful influence of the order,
 and it is be muzzled, or else.
 "I do most emphatically object to such
 an indignity, and while realizing that
 must submit to the powers that be- l insist that the order is unnecessary, and
 just as reasonable, as It would be to put . every red-headed person in the pest house just because some individual with auburn tinted locks had the small pox.
 "No self respecting dog can go through life wearing a muzzle without a feeling of humiliation.
 "Of course I am aware that desperate cases need desperate remedies, but it seems to me that when a fellow can show a clear record and clean bill of health. he should be exempt from the degrading order. an edct of the distn- guished gentleman with name like thar of Mexican side dish.
 And If fellow should slip off and play hockey leaving his muzzle at home, the chances are that he will be chased and carried to the pound by bunch of greasy negroes who have no possible conception of the feeling of a white mans dog of good repute, and whose methods of capture are somewhat crude. :"
 "ln other words, they take the bark off," interrupted the horse.
 Ben glared at his friend doubtfully, but as the horse never batted an eye, he resumed. Then again take the dog with a can tied to his tail. Everyone he passes throws a rock or a brickbat at the poor creature, instead of extending a little sympathy and removing the cause of his alarm
 So it is all down the line; let a dog show the least sign of uneasiness and everyone jumps to the conclusion that he is mad. It may be that he is suffering from acute indigestion, or has the tooth ache, which neither dog or philosopher can endure patiently, which is causing his discomfort, or perhaps, he may froth a little at the mouth-purely from the want of drink or water, which owing to the lack of drinking founts for dogs, he can- . not get, and the first person seeing him
 will yell Mad dog" Kill himm howl:
 the mob; immediately some unsym E pathetic policeman pulls his artillery, an, of sends the dog-spirit to that far off coun Id try, Where the Exums cease from mug al zling, and the dog catchers are at rest le Really friend Horace, this promiscr
 ous muzzling of my species, makes m 'e weary; like Ned Brace, I feel" l. You should brace up' softly. eiacu r lated the equine.
 l. Ben gazed at his friend intently: of @ thought he was stringing me- "he mur = mured, and his ears twitched ominouslv . but the mobile countenance of the hors disarmed suspicion and he again con 3 tinued.
 T feel we are of some service to ouI
 masters, in fact, if you will pardon tn, f personal allusion, my boss has the great , est confidence in me- and when he leave! home at night to attend lodge or othe I gathering, he places tre dear, sweet
 mistress in my care, who has time ant
 again asserted that she felt perfectly saf I with Ben around By the way, did yo,
 
 v nounced by the late Senator Vest of Mis- souri, in a trial of case in which tn, u basis of the suit was dog?"
 The horse replied that he had not tn, {, pleasure and insisted that Ben recite It After some persuasion Ben struck William Jennings attitude and delivered z himself thus:
 Gentlemen of the Jury: The bes friend a man has in this world may turr against him and become his enemy. His son or daughter that he has reared witt 7 loving care may prove ungrateful. Those
 who are nearest and dearest to us, those
 whom we trust with our happiness and
 our good name may become traitors tc - their faith. The money that a man has , he may lose. It flies away from him, per e haps when he needs it most A mans
 reputation may be sacrificed in a moment
 of ill-considered action. The people who r are prone to fall on their knees to do us
 honor when success Is with us may be r the first to throw the stone of malice
 when failure settles its cloud upon oui T heads. The one absolute, unselhst . friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the l. one that never proves ungrateful or I treacherous, Is his dog.
 s "Gentlemen of the jury, a mans dog
 stands by him in prosperity and in pow erty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground. where the win , try winds blow and the snow drives
 fiercely, if only he can be near his mas
 ters side. He will kiss the hand that
 has no food to offer, he will lick tn, wounds and sores that come in encounter with the roughness of the world. Ht if he were a prince. When all othel , friends desert he remains. When riches
 take wings and reputation falls to pieces he is as constant in his love as the sur e in it's journey through the heavens. Ji . fortune drives the master forth an out a cast in the world, firendless and home
 less, .the faithful dog asks no higher priv | ilege than that of accompanying him t, d guard against danger, to fight against hi if enemies and when the last scene of al
 comes, and death takes the master in it a embrace and his body is laid away in tn
 cold ground, no matter if all other friend l. pursue their way, there by his gravesid IT will the noble dog be found, his head be l. tween his paws, his eyes sad but open il s. alert watchfulness, faithful and true evel Y to death."
 That's a dog-goned good story sai 10 the horse at the conclusion. Ben wineed vs but with an air of martyred resignation