The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1911-12-13
ing the bomb. splutterins. stood be.

n1nd nm.
Two men brought an immense roll
Of paper into the hall. 1t was placed
In the we'll in front of the president,
OF 1t, gradually unwound 1t until it
reached Gro the hall to where
President Taft sat. 1t was a railroad
ticket, and the member In presenting
1t said he did SO because 1t was a ticket
for 100000 miles and good for four
years more. As the president was
about to take hold Of the ticket the
whole thing snapped back again upon
1t was explained to President Taft
that it was a return ticket. Then a
locomotive bell began sounding as II a
train. were ready to start. the lights
went out and there was flashed upon
the screen a picture Of the president
seated. in his pullman car. the Ideal.
with Major Butt his military aid.
leaning over his shoulder pointing to a
bag Of golf sticks: After the applause
which greeted this picture died away
the president was called upon to
speak. He was in fine form and ex.
cellent humor and made one Of, the
cleverest speeches he has ever made
at a Gridiron dinner. But as the rule
Of the Gridiron forbids the publication
Of any Of the speeches made only those
present will have IN opportunity to
know what he said.
1t was growing late and the last
stunt Of the club was put IN. 1t was
the Supreme Court or Peoples Pop
ular Court" act. The chairman of the
committee on entertainment ANNOUNCE
ed that the recall had been sprung
on the United States court and that a
new court had been selected and. was
here ready for business He was told
to bring the members in, and the nine
members Of the new court, dressed in
robes of lowered calico, entered the
room and were introduced as follows:
"Chief Justice Bath House John
Coughlin, Associate Justice Eugene v.
Debs, Associate Justice Hinky Dink,
Associate Justice sam Gompers, Asso-
ciate Justice Fingy Corners. Associate
Justice Charlie Murphy. Associate JUS
tice Stubbs of Kansas, Associate JUS
tice Nelson w. Aldrich and Associate
Justice Theodore Roosevelt. The JUS
table and it was announced that "a
popular court selected by the people
and responsive to public sentiment"
was ready to begin session. The clerk
Of the court, initiating the supreme
court clerk. announced: "Oyez, oyez,
oyez, all persons, corporations and
lawyers having business before the
honorable peoples supreme court Of
the Gridiron club are admonished to
court is now sitting and there will be
something doing. God help you all"
The court Immediately began to make
motions to change it's name. One JUS
tice declared that to do so would be to
take an awful chance. Another re-
piled that everybody will take a big
chance before the court and moved
that it be called the court in chancery.
When the first case was called, Unit
ed States against Sugar Trust" At
torney General Wickersham declared
that he represented the government,
and Justice Gompers asked II he had
a union card. Wickersham replied:
mo; I thought 1t was an open shop"
The court finally decided to pull the
combination apart and send J. Pier
pont Morgan to jail for life. When
sugar trust the court replied that it
wasn't Morgan's fault; tho sentence
went, anyhow. The steel trust was
then taken up and the chief Justice
asked what it had done. The attorney
general replied: "Gold-bricked T. R."
Thereupon Associate Justice Roose-
Welt ros and protested, declaring
that they had not gold bricked him.
for he was working that side Of the
street himself. The court took a vote
IN sustaining Justice Roosevelt. but
only two voted to do so. the seven
others voting nay. Roosevelt then ex-
claimed: by Godfrey! Beaten to q
fraxzle." An injunction was asked
against William Jennings Bryan to
keep him from running for president
again. Justice Aldrich replied: "Oh.
let him run; what difference does 1t
make?"
Justice Fingy Corners moved to dis
solve the tobacco trust. The chief
Justice replied: "All right. pass the
cigars" Justice stubbs said Kansas
demanded the dissolution Of the whisky
trust, and Justice Hinky Dink, said:
"All right. pass the bottle" one Of
the Justices then said that congress
proposed to recall the commerce court,
and Justice Gompers said: Lets re-
call congress-" The attorney general
asked for an Injunction to restrain
Champ Clark from annexing Canada,
TO which Justice Murphy replied:
"Why not reciprocate by inviting Can
ada to annex Champ Clark" A petit
ton was presented to the court pray
ing that the Taft boomers be restrainl
ed from grabbing the presidential
nomination from Bob La Toilette.