Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-08-13
NorABLES POLISH THEIR POINT
Human Interest Stories Turn the
Spotlight on Common
Foibles.

Human Interest Stories Turn the
Spotlight on Common
Foibles.
Here is q little story that illustrates the
late Citizen Tom Johnsons quick wit
! When he was running for congress the
first time he met Clevelander in front
| OF the Society for Savings and limited in
his smiling way that he hoped to get his
vote.
The citizen demurred.
/ II like you, Mr. Johnson" he said, but
I was born a republican. My father was a
republican and my grandfather helped
| form the party"
Johnson laughed
You remind me OF the story of the Ken
lucky mountaineer," he said "a belated
stranger seeking shelter at night entered
| a mountaineer's cabin and found an old
man toasting his bare feet by the open fire.
| I reckon I'm goin' to hev chilblains,' the
aged one explained after he had said howdy
to the wayfarer. amt got EN- yet, but
| Pap Tolliver had EN-, an Granpap Toll
liver had 'em, an o. course got 10 hev
EN- The stranger looked doubtful.
'Mebbe ef you was careful he said you
wouldn't get 'emT The old man straight
ened up I tell we 1 got to hev ell,
he cried, 'Chilblains goes with Tollivers.' -
Citizen Tom laughed.
Some people seem to think that tradi4
tons are more valuable than principles. !"
he said as he turned away.
Bale p. Waggener once led a temperance
crusade at Atchison, Kan. The campaign
wound up with big meeting at the opera
| house. On the afternoon previous to the
meeting Bales son viii, who was then in
his teens, had been out in the suburbs
| with crowd OF fellows and took a glass of
| beer.
That night at the meeting Bale, who was
presiding. went through the usual stunt of
all evangelists by asking people to answer
| certain questions by raising their hands.
How many OF you have taken a drink
| OF beer today7'' he asked.
Just one hand went up 1t was that
Of his son, VIII.
Bale was greatly Inundated. In fact,
he was almost paralyzed for the moment.
Finally he recovered his wits and gave his
son a severe lecture. After the meeting
was over Bale said; MY son. you have
disgraced me-"
"Oh, 1 don't know" said Will. "One of
C.
was with me and drank also. He not only
drunk, but he lied about It tonight"
That may be true, my son." said Bale,
but please refrain from drinking any
more beer while I am conducting this cru
sade 1t might further embarrass me-"
During the sh-American war,
soon after Andy Burt was made colonel
of the Twenty-fifth colored regiment, he
informed his men, then at Chickamauga,
that they must play ball half an hour
every day in order to get hardened UP.
| And while we are playing" he said, re
member that l am not Colonel Burt, but
simply Andy Burt" During the first game
the colonel lined out what was a sure
home run Run, Andy. run. you tallow-
faced, knock-kneed galoot." yelled a black
soldier at the coaching line. The colonel
| stopped at first base, got another player
to take his place, put on his uniform and
4 announced;
Il am Colonel Burt until further orders. +"
| Champ Clark. speaker of the house of
representatives, says that his party didn't
wish to take any risks in the last election.
Apparently" continued the democratic
leader they wanted things done up al
thoroughly as did one OF the two men
who were to be hanged for horse steal
ing
The place selected was the middle OF
trestle bridge spanning a river The
trope was not securely tied on the first
victim to be dropped. and the knot
slipped; the man fell into the river and
Immediately swan for the shore. As they
were adjusting the rope on the second he
remarked:
" Say. will We be sure and tie that good
and tight, cause I can't swim"
Count Tolstoi once saw in Moscow a no.
liceman dragging in a most rude manner
drunken moujik to the station. The
count stopped the policeman and said 10
him:
'Canst thou read?"
Yes" was the reply.
And hast thou read the gospelr'
Yes, SIR"
Then thou must know that we must
not offend our neighbor."
The policeman looked at the unpreten.
uous figure Of the interrogator and asked
him in his turn:
"Canst thou read3"
And hast thou read the instructions 10,
|
No"
Wen, go and read them first ana ther
come back ana talk with me-"
II Is a well known fact that the late
Robert Ingersoll, the noted atheist, was a
great admirer Of the poet. Robert Burns
ana one day Casey passed the remark tina
when Insersoll died he would like to writ,
his epitaph.
And phwot would yes wroIte?" asked
Dooley.
says Casey: Just the name Of hi,
favorite poet-Rnbert Burns"
Must Go a. Alone.
IL IL probably that many queens OF tn,
Kitchen share the sentiment good naturedl,
J expressed by a scandinavian servant. re-
recently taken into the service OF a youn,
matron OF Chicago.
h. a.