The Washington bee., 1911-05-27
Public Men And ThinpS
(By the Sage ot the Potomac. }

(By the Sage Of the Potomac.)
Last Sunday, when the mercury in
the thermometer was doing a lack
the Steeple Climber act by painting
the flagstaff a lurid heated color. and
my wife was out gathering coupons
for Rev Rivers, | hied myself to my
library and Tummaged among my
books surcised with knowledge. Now.
nv library never had a patron like
Steel King Carnegie, so It consists of
about only a dozen or so stray books
mostly borrowed books l read up
on a lot of archaeological rummies
iwho flourished prior to the time when
ICOlOred men were free moral agents
| scanned the life of old Gesenius. and
Gervinnus; speculated a little with
old Habakkuk and Hammann, and
reflected upon the accomplishments
of that senile Critter known in history
as Harpocration OF course, there
was method IN my madness. | was
trying TO discover some mummihed
apOstate who knew more than our
own Jesse Lawson Take it from me,
that not one of the past factotums
who existed during or after the stony
age, knew One-tenth of what Jesse
knows. Compared with Prof. Jesse
Lawson, the wonder of the nineteenth
century, and then some, these old
sagebrush savants were but one hun
dred to one shots. Jesse Lawson is
in a class all by his lonesome. When
the Great Master decided to produce
an everlasting wonder, He spread a
little salve on a palm leaf, put the
whole contraption in an incubator,
and in due time Jesse Lawson kicked
himself into fame and nOtOriety
Jesse Lawson Is the great organ
izer whose works exist in imagination.
He's the greatest Bible student and
expOunder since Moses handed down
few tOmbstOnes upon which were
written a few hierOgliphics that have
since been deciphered as command
ments. He has organized some kind
of a Chautaudua, with himself as the
whole show. for the purpose of fumi-
eating the race with his eTuditeness,
but at last accounts the membership
was composed only of the officers,
and the officers consisted of lonely
Jesse. Did you ever talk to Jesse?
Well, Of course you have If you ever
met him, for Jesse lets no guilty man
escape. And he can talk some, too.
I met him one morning before break
fast, and he stopped me, saying he
lust wanted to say a word to me.
Well. that word was the longest ]
ever encountered for the shades OF
night were gathering fast when Jesse
let me 90. He's something like a tur-
tie. You know, when a turtle bites
he never remembers that expressive
word. stop or let go. There was
time when Jesse wanted TO be a
member of the faculty OF Howard
University. The only reason they
failed to elect him was that the school
hours are limited to about six hours
day. Now, Jesse could never un-
load his brain in six hours. | forget
just what Jesse wanted TO reach; how
ever, it was some very deep subject.
Jesse is long on deep things, so darned
long. that he tires you When | see
Jesse and his umbrella-he's never
without that rain-protector, | am al
wavs reminded of Alpha and Omega
the beginning and end, because
Jesse is so different from either. But
do YOU know that Prof. Jesse Law
son. who operates the Pension Office
on the installment plan, IS a kattydld.
That hairless dome of his was early
filled with an assortment OF knOWl-
edge that is the real stuff. Those
huge speCtaCles of his shade a pair
of eyes that are always searching in
to the depths Of the mystic romance
of the future. and that slow, dray-
horse movement of his IS indicative
of mental wealth. Jesse Lawson IS
not properly understood, and there
fore does not get his proper rating
One of these days he'll prove to a
waiting world that unlike his name
sake, Thomas Lawson, he's not all
wind, but that he possesses a panacea
for a lot of ills. and a recipe for a
whole lot of good knowledge and
moral uplift. Keep your green gOg-
giles on Jesse.
I see. or rather I hear, that DR.,
Wilder is after the Haitian Minister
ship. Now, after" IS a good and eX-
pressive word Just what the cream
colored physician wants with 1t de-
poneth sayeth not. It may be that
the Doctor desires to introduce total
abstinence on the island You know
the Doctor is d crank on temperance.
Why. he wouldn't drink a lzz if it
had so much as a quarter of dram
of Kentucky distilled rye in 1t. He
Just naturally refuses that Seven
Nights in a Barroom" liquid. How
ever, if you should drop a piece Of
money in a glass and then fill it up
with red sourmash, I'll bet you the
Hartman estate that the Doctor will
get that piece of money by fair
means, if he can, or by dissipating
the red fluid, if he must. But don't
you know, DR.. Wilder wouldn't make
a bad Minister. He's cautious enough
not to declare himself, and he's
shrewd enough not to acknowledge
it if he did declare himself. AS a
politician, though, he's only OF the
mushroom growth. In 1908 he saun-
tered into the political ring and es-
sayed to be elected as a delegate. to
the Republican National Convention
After two short weeks Of supposlng
he was in the limelight. the Doctor
capitulated, and the man with the
fierce. umbrag gious mustaChiO-R. II.
Horner. barister. counselor, etc, etc,
went off with the bone without spend
ing a dollar of his own. Or. Wllder