davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
Some Pseudonyms

Hosea Bgelow-J. Russell Lowell, Tn | "Bigeow' Papers, | Josh Billings-H. W. Shaw, American humorist. l Isaac Bickerstaff-Steele in the Tatler. Boz-Charles Dickens in the Morning | Chronicle. | Hans-Breitmann-C. G. Leland, in Hans Breitmanns Ballads | Currer Bell-Charlotte Bronte, novelist. Artemus Ward-Charles Farrer Browne, American humorist. | Carmen Silva-Queen of Roumania. The Chartist Clergyman-Rev Charles | Kingsley. Captain Crawley-G. F. Pardon, author ity on billiards. Cuthbert Bede-Rev. Edward Bradley, novelist. Dagonet-G. R. Sims. dramatist. Philippe Daryll-Pascal Grousset, French journalist Ouida-Louisa de Ia Rance. novelist Gail Hamilton-Mary Abigail Dodge, novelist. George Sand-Mme. Dedevant. Elia-Charles Lamb, essayist. George Eliot-Mary Ann Evans, novel; ist.
 Ettrick Shepherd-James Hogg, poet.
 Fanny Fern-Mrs g. P. Parton. Thomas Ingoldsby-Rev. R. H. Bar ham. Owen Meredith-The Earl of Lytton.
 Christopher North-Professor Wilson. Cornelius ODowd-Charles Lever, Irish | novelist.
 The Old Shekarry-Maj H. A. Leveson.
 Jacob Omnium-Matthew J. Higgins, journalist. Max O'Reil-Paul Blouet. Arthur Pendennis-Wiliam M. Thack- cry. Pendragon-Henry Sampson. Peter Pindar-Dr. John Wolcot, satir- ist. Phiz-Hablot K. Browne, illustrator of Pickwick Papers. Father Prout-Francis Mahoney, Irish
 journalist Rare Ben-Ben Jonson, dramatist. Runnymede-Disrael Saintine-J. X. Boniface.
 Sam Slick-Judge Halliburton.
 Silver Pen-Eliza Meteyard, journalist and novelist Arthur Sketchey-George Rose. Dr. Syntax-William Combe. Michael Angelo Titmarsh-Wiliam M. Thackery. The Water Poet-John Taylor. Zadkiel-Leut. K. J. Morrison.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
Does she really exist?

I wonder.
 If so by what token does a man col lectively or individually know her when he meets her?
 I've been trying to find out, and in so doing. the first man I happened to ask, With the guileless simplicity of a bache- Tor, that nobody has been able to land, although many have tried, tried, again, said:
 How is a man to know his ideal wo- man?' Why that is easy. Simply that she stands before him. his realized ideal of his fondest dreams and thoughts. You don't think man would think about his ideal for 40 or 50 years, and then not
 know her when he saw her?' "But what would be the ear marks?" I
 asked curiously. 'Everything' he replied. "The voice,
 the eyes, the pictured likeness of his | dream in the chiffon tissue of her angel | flesh. Why, what in the name of sweet Heaven could keep him from realizing | the Queen for whose arrival he had been | looking forward for more than half his | lfe?"
 Now know no more when this Crusty | Old Bachelor finished side-stepping from
 the main issue like that. than I did before | I asked him, and I almost gave up at the very first shot out of the box, in my efforts to compile a symposium of heart throbs and ideals and "What's the use,'' I asked, ito try to
 take census when people behave like that?'
 Just as I was about to give up another friend of mine happened along and I promptly said: Billy Bunting do you know how to | spell 1dealT "
 | He looked sort of puzzled and I men tally observed:
 "Now he is the type that associates | ideals with perfumes, or some sort of new stove or a new make of an automo-
 ble-and in fact we all know that there
 are at least 57 varieties of ideal toilet
 waters, soaps, talcum powders and
 things and so I gave him the benefit of
 the doubt and sounded him. why, of course I have an ideal like
 every man." he said distinctly. "The one
 that we all hope we'll run across-first- | some day"
 I was so afraid he would flutter away
 from the subject that I looked far away
 and in a voice absolutely casual I in
 differently replied: | why, I didn't know there were any ideals of girls these days" | You didn't" he said. and I observed
 that my 'patent improved pump method
 was working to perfection. Why even
 the umpiest old piece of timber that
 ever got into a ball game without the
 gate fee has his dream of what the par
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
A High riced Beefsteak

Probably the highest price ever paid for beefsteak was that charged at Circle City, Alaska. The first steak that ever reached that town Is said to have sold for something like s4s a pound. There were ten pounds of this steak, which was shipped 250 miles to Circle City. When the owner of the precious bit of meat reached the camp the miners turned out in a body to see 1t. It was placed on ex- hibition, and attracted as much attention as if 1t were the rarest Of gems. Every body wanted a piece of it, and the prices offered were such as would have resulted in mining camp quarrel if it had not been decided to raffle the steak off for the benefit of hospital that Bishcp Rowe was trying to establish for the min CTS at Circle City.
 Bids were started at S5 a pound and rose briskly to $35. Finally, in order to avoid complications, it was decided to sell tickets at prices from 30 cents to s25O for the privilege of drawing for slice. After s4s0 worth of tickets had been sold the drawing began, and, to the relief of those in charge of the sale. no trouble resulted.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
The Latest Shop Talk

Those Eigls who wanted a bit of tapestry at the beginning of the season to modernize last years hat will re- member having to seek it in the uphol- stery departments of the shops. They won't have to do this in the spring, be- cause the ever-obligng manufacturers have brought out @ tapegtry belting which. in spite of its name, is really in tended to adorn the new straw sailors. The patterns are smaller and more ap- propriate, and in using them one is not called upon to commit harkari, if one may use the term, on tapestry pears and grapes or to choose between the horrible alternative of cutting off either the head or tail feathers of a bird of Paradise.
 Or. since the world is running not to seed, but to beads, perhaps you will like beaded band better They may also be used as bandeauX for the hair. A handsome rose design. in which vio- let and green tints predominate, Is lovely. A rich Oriental pattern developed in r.ramarine red and gilt beads is also snectivc.
 Military buckles are appearing on the jewelry counters in many of the shops.
 Of the making and designing of pa . per cutters there is no end. but the girl or man who wants something really distinctive and artistic will find all his
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
Healthgrans

By pr. Hyman Cohen, Assistant Chief
 Medical Inspector. Chicago.
 If disease is caused by demons then we are pack of devils.
 Exercise will give the skin a blood bath and the blood an air bath.
 Prevention is the keynote of modern medicine.
 To think that the gravest health mu- tilations to which we are subjected are brought about by social mutuality.
 Tender aged children in the factories mean a crippled citizenship
 Man shames the heavens by fertiliz- ing the earth with baby corpses.
 We are constantly feeding on air il should be taken free from the winds oi heaven; don't breathe canned or boxed air.
 Civilization has released your teeth from the task of food getting; de- vote their energies to food chewing.
 It is criminal to come down with smallpox; save your face and reputa- ton by vaceina tion. -.---
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
New Styles in Kings


 (Note: King George V Is suing a Lon don journalist for libel.) One who criticised a king In the slightest little thing In the good old days gone by Had to be exceeding sly Or the king would likely say: Chop his block off, right awayw But no longer kings may trim Necks to suit their spleenful whim, They have lost the right devine To abbreviate the spine. Now, like Jones or me or you, They must go,t to court and sue. Hob with history were played Had the change been sooner made: How it might have changed their fate Dick the Third or Hen. the Eight 4 (Though it might have helped their fix Charley First and Henry Six.) Think how, from the misty past. Ancient kings must peer, aghast At the fashions strange and new Which sends kings to court to sue. While the kindly fates they praise Which let them see better days
 Anonymous
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
Destroys Liquor Craving

Drunkenness IS a progressive dis- ease; the moderate drinker is not sat isfied with two or three drinks a day, the craving for more and more becomes Irresistible as the disease advances the result is Chronic Alcoholism.
 The treatment used successfully by thousands right in their own homes is Orrine. 1t is sold with the understand ing that if it does not benefit after a trial we refund your money.
 Orrine No. 1, is the secret remedy brine No. ?, is for those willing to takc tho treatment. Either form costs s1 Write for free booklet on Alcoholism. The brine Company, Or rfne Rnilding, Washington. D. c. Sold by leading druggists, and In this city by Jacobs Pharmacy. 1904 Second Ave, Birmi nj gham, and Fulton Bros..' Bes- ne m CT. --f-s---
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
Pressing Trousers While
 You Wait

'"Trousers pressed while you wait is 3 sign which no longer appeals. It went into the discard with the old year. The new thing is the electric trousers creasef, which not only creases trousers while you wait but while they are Oh.
 The new invention has a stirrup into which the top is inserted. and handle by which the creaser is held steady. Be- tween the two there is q vertical guide rod upon which the electrical pressing iron slides. The iron itself consists of two spring-pressed electrically heated plates, which age clamped to the trousers at the bottom and ironed up and down. The
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
Miss Florence Nightingale

There has always been a curious preju- dice against women as pioneers in any walk of life, and even Miss Florence Nightingale, the mother of trained nurses" suffered from it. When she re- turned to England after the Crimean war and turned her attention to founding
 schools for nurses, society was against
 her Lady Palmerston pronounced the Nightengale fund as great humbug."
 ''The nurses in hospitals, she said "aretl
 very good now Poor people! It must bs
 so tiresome sitting up all night; and, If they do drink little too much, they can be turned out and others got" But Miss Nightengae prevailed against prejudice.
 for which the country has cause to feel grateful.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
Hints Here and There


 Top the~sliced lemon used for garnish with grated horseraGish.
 Kitchen spoons of every size are now to be had in aluminium. They wear ad- mirably and are very light in weight.
 When hanging up a coat on a hanger always button the top button of the gar ment if you would have it keep it's shape we'll
 Try serving slices of sponge cake With whipped cream, to which chopped nuts and a little sweetening have been added. It makes a delicious dessert.
 If crackers have lost their crispness they may be easily toasted by putting them into a corn pepper and shaking them quickly over the coals for a few mos ments. m
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
Mademoiselle Frou-FrOu

Canoes and coral are seen mounted in unique finger rings.
 Flat military braids, quite wide, are used on smart tailored suits.
 Persian velvet is used for the crown of one of the small felt turbans.
 A corner design done in eyelet work Is the newest finish for the scalloped lunch napkin.
 Among the new crepons are those with the so-called "blistered' effects. In some colors they are quite pretty.
 The short skirt continues in favor The proper length of the walking skirt is just below the tops of ones boots.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
The Age-Herald's Cuisine z

APPLE AND WATERCRESS SALAD
 Separate bunch of watercress with large fresh leaves. Let the sprigs remain in water for some time. Remove and shake till nearly dry. Dress with oil and vinegar, pinch of salt and surround ths center of a salad bowl. Heap the center with crisp apples cut in iong pieces and dress with the oil and vinegar. Season with a pinch of salt and liberal shaking of paprika.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30

That goes to show what a poor judge you are of human nature," he snapped.
 "The girl I shall promise before the
 dearly beloved assembled together and
 the preacher in his vestments some day, to love, cherish and
 "Obey?' l chimed in wickedly.
 No, I refuse" said Billy Bunting,
 with the decision of husbandette defy ing his suffragette wife, but protect, must have black hair and creamy skin
 with long Jap eyes and pink ears.' Like a white rabbit I suggested. | She may be a white rabbit to every
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
Interval

1 wonder what the spring Is like, If I shall see again The glitter on the hawthorn Of the bright April rain. wonder what the sun is like I saw it long ago, And once I saw the moon. and saw The angel of the snow. saw the stars, like ants of gold, So many and so small, Oh, life ali made of loveliness, Must l forget 1t all!
 Richard Le Gallienne.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30

she must be the High Priestess and keer the loving incense burning always before | -MUH." | We'll of course Getting down to the more specific ques- tions of 'The Not Impossible She," one man says:
 "She must be brilliant and beautiful
 Another:
 'She must be-A Home Girl" One from the country says: "She must be wholesomely fond of out door life.'
 A lawyer declares that his Ideal Wo- man must be witty and well read.' i Of the abstract qualities one man says:
 'I don't care about her being beauty, hut she must have that mysterious quail ity that is everything A baseball hero declares flor the girl who knows home run from base hit, and favors the home run" No name is signed to the communica- tion in which the man says
 "She must be a widow. None others need apply.'
 The briefest reply in my correspond ence school is the one that says: ''She must be very fond Of me. All men have ideals, but few marry them, and after an exhaustive summary from various sources 1 conclude that most men hide their dreams of what their "Ideal'' is like.
 Most ideals are too confoundedly sem sible to marry us,' says a cynic.
 While Richard Harding Davis, when asked of all the womanly qualities he admired most, said decisively:
 "Clean gloves Isn't that just like man?'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
foundedly Sensible

i ticular woman he could love will be like.
 But you, Billy I said tactfully steer- ing him away from the sea of faces at the baseball game q knew if his mind ever got on that subject we were lost), and brought him back to the personal equation.
 T suppose your ideal girl is petite with fluffy hair, and lisp, and always wears pale pink frocks."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30

body else in the world" said Billy Bunt- ing peremptorily, but to me she Will De Mrs. William Rivington Bunting, if she Il have me. and if she wont-why shall just throw her across my shoulder ana run away with her any way"
 "Kidnap herr" l suggested, and be the reincarnation of an old Goth or Hun or whoever it was that slung the Sabine women over their shoulders and ran away with them"
 And she would think at first that was a brute and that I was bullying her. hut it would end in her loving me de- voutedly and being so tame that she'd eat out of my hand' he said
 "I don't consider that at all original I declared. 'I was trying to get at some thing specific. I want to ask what virtues you admire most in women "Oh this is for print" Billy Bunting averred
 "Of course-you'd didn't think I was doing it for fun, did you?' I snapped. Then you might say I'd like one to know how to read and wiite,' he replied. It makes 'em look intelligent, whether they are or not" man I wrote to on the subject of ''The Not Impossible She,'' replied in the words of the poet: q don't know when or how I'll meet her. I don't knew even the words I'll say" but I do know that she must have 0 good looking foot and not wear cotton stocking. l don't mind, passing under , the yoke, provided it's the nstep of a slipper no larger than a No. 3, e. Another writes. No girl without dimples need apply" Still another says:
 "Td like to marry a girl who wears dainty little caps and aprons and she must have blue eyes to match the bows on them.'
 A perfectly good widower twred his rnustache and said complacenty:
 Any little girl that's a nice little girl is the right little girl for me" l And I believed hill.
 A newspaper man expresses himself on the subject thusly 1 Deliver me from High Brow. I want l q wife with just enough sense to appre- ciate the witticisms that we cull from the comic supplements of the Sunday news papers."-
 , A man I know says:
 My ideal woman is the one who would elect me her Matinee Idol for life and stand pat until our golden wedding anri- evefsary. The only thing I demand isf that
 A
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
A Sunday Thought

The most precious things that a man possesses he has almost always received gratuitously; let him learn so to give tEem.-Wagner.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30

aesthetic cravings satisfied In a tiny Knights Templar sword. It Is made of real steel, hilt and shield showing ex- quisite workmanship.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30

current for heating the iron is transmitted through a wire from a lamp socket. It is intended that the trousers creaser shall be part of the equipment of tue modern barber shop.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30

Ever since the poetic "old gallant filled
 "-the cup
 To one made up
 Of loveliness alone''- the sons of Adam have been lighting their several cigars and searching the universe for that seeming paragon-"The Perfect Woman"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30

A man I wrote to on the subject of "The Not Impossible She,' replied in the words of the poet:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30
"A Synopsis On "The Not Impossible She''

 
  an As Dream Subect-Most Ideals Are So oundedly Sensible
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30

"I don't know when or how I'll meet her. I don't knew even the words I'll say"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30

but I do know that she must have a good looking foot and not wear cotton stocking. l don't mind, passing under the yoke, provided it's the instep of a slipper no larger than a No. 3, e.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-04-30

she must be the High Priestess and keep the loving incense burning always before -MUH."
 Well, of course.
The Holly chieftain., 1911-02-24
His Head Wa. Hard.

It is a common belief that the ne.
gro's head is hard, capable of with,
standing almost any blow.
The following story told by a promi-
nent young dentist of Danville, Ill,
would seem to indicate something OF
the kind anyhow. Two negro men
were employed on tearing down a
threestory brick building. One ne.
gro was on top Of the building taking
OF the bricks and sliding them down
a narrow wooden chute to the ground
some thirty feet below, where the
other was picking them up and piling
them.
When this latter negro was stoop,
ing over to pick up a brick the former
accidentally let one fall. striking him
directly on the head.
Instead Of its killing him, he merely
looked up. without rising, and said,
"What you doin' thar, niger, you
make me bite my tongue. The Cir
Gle.
The Holly chieftain., 1911-02-24
MIGHT HAVE COME EARLIER
Admirer Of Musician Must Have Felt
Truth of the Answer He
Received.

Signor Puccini. although celebrated
all over the world for his operas, is
still a young man. On the subject OF
his early success the Italian composer
eaid recently in New York
Il have been very lucky. Recogni-
ton for artistic work comes SO often
after one Is too old to enjoy 1t.
Il remember one of my country
men, a centenarian, who. had he died
before seventy, would never have seen
any Of his operas produced. Luckily
he lived to SO great an age that he re-
ceived for many years the admiration
he deserved. Naturally enough.
though, this splendid artist regretted
his years OF obscurity and neglect.
and he frequently spoke bitterly OF
his bad fortune.
"Once, at the very end Of his long
life, an Englishman entered his box
at the opera in Rome. and said re-
spectfully:
"I have Travelled all the way from
London to see the author of my ia
vorite opera
"The veteran composer, with a ma
licious smile. replied:
/" Well, my friend. I have given you
plenty Of time to get here"
The Holly chieftain., 1911-02-24
SUCCESSFUL TREATMENT OF
PIMPLES AND BLACKHEADS

A speedy and economical treatment
for disfiguring pimples is the follow
ing: Gently smear the face with CUT.
cura Ointment, but do not rub. Wash
OF the ointment in FIVE minutes with
Cuticura Soap and hot water and
bathe freely for some minutes: Re-
peat morning and evening. At other
times use hot water and Cuticura
Soap for bathing the face as often as
agreeable. Cuticura soap and oint-
ment are equally successful for itch.
ing, burning, scaly and crusted hu-
mors Of the skin and scalp, with loss
of hair. from infancy to age, usually
affording instant relief, when all else
fails. Send to Potter Drug & Chem.
Corp. Boston. Mass, for the latest
Cuticura book on the care and treat
ment of the skin and scalp,
The Holly chieftain., 1911-02-24
Shoes
Afford
Hiding
PlaCefOr
Germs
By ROSCOE WILTON

ber hands, Of tetanus scarlet fever epe
careful burn dnfec the clothing
often the shoes overlooked and these diseases readily by
the his neghbors especially in the of scarlet fever
The hunter active and the
old all drank
tin the spring. that going to be permitted to breathe
the with another after tme but will
little breath purifier.
in Ohio recently went the limit when he upon
ryng his that when he had chang
forced the device which had been besmircd the gy hands
of his fellow travellers
And yet the precautions which take and which fathers
heard of doubtless the only
ovpopued quarters and ontrve keep alive
your shoes.
The Holly chieftain., 1911-02-24
Education va, Instinct.

Jacob Wendell. Jr., who plays the
part of the dog in Maeterlincks dra-
ma, was dining in restaurant recent
ly when man, recognizing him as the
actor, approached and said:
Pardon me, but you take the part
Of the dog in The Blue Bird do you
notf OF course. you don't know it.
but can really bark lots more like
a dog than you"
well, you see." answered Wendell,
II had to learn."-Success Magazine.
The Holly chieftain., 1911-02-24

The elusive germ discovered in every
thing conceivable has been caught hiding
in another stronghold by British scientists
recently and the humble instrument of his
propagation proves to be nothing more
than an old shoe.
The shoe dealer and the cobbler are to
be subjected to medical inspection if the
health officers of Manchester carry out
their threats because, they declare, millions
of germs are conveyed from one person to
another by the common practice of trying
on shoes and also by the transfer of germs
from one shoe to another while in the cob
The Holly chieftain., 1911-02-24

1t Is unquestionably true that
wealth produces wants, but 1t is q
still more important truth that wants
produce wealth.-Malthus.
The Holly chieftain., 1911-02-24

True pleasure consists in clear
thoughts. sedate affections, sweet re.
Elections; mind even and stayed, and
true to itself.-Hopkins.
The Holly chieftain., 1911-02-24

Since the churches are always look
ing for something new in the way of
entertainments, why not try chicken
eating match between two preachers?