United labor bulletin., 1911-02-16
The Dean Was Once a ButIer--.
Read Prayers for Wealthy
New York Family.
Gilbert Hubbard in The Philis.ine.)

| Dean hart OI DenNeT Is one OIL lue
most remarkable men in America.
He has vast learning; rare erudition,
and in the minute facts of church his
tory has probably no living peer in the
world.
| Were it not for the fact that he is of
Milesian ancestry, he would doubtless
have long since been made bishop.
He is the highest high-churchman in
the United States. He is SO high that
his feet seldom touch the ground.
| He outrivals all Englishmen in the
traits that are supposed to make happy
Albion the home of true piety. l once
heard him give a lecture on Henry the
Eighth, in which he pictured the marry
monarch as the most misunderstood and
lunappreciated man who ever lived an
ascetic life. the true keeper of our faith
The dean also has a most interesting
lecture on the Tower of Babel In this
address, he explains that the tower was
once kind of Martha Washington hotel
but the angels put it to the bad by COM
ing down at inconyenient times and max
ing love to the boarders.
All educated people, of course. know
that there are no female angels-angels
are all very male.
To prevent the race from progressing
and becoming haH gods, the Lord sent
a seismic disturbance that shook the
whole tenement down into heap. The
angels tapped their wings and flew on
the first yell of danger, not even waiting
to find their robes. According to the di-
vine code, the sins that ye do by two and
two, are paid for one by one-by the
woman. The male is immune. Hence,
the angels were not punished, but the
lady inmates, including the madam. the
cook. and two pimps. perished.
Dean Hart's name originally. was Pat
| rick O'Callighan. He was born at Kill
mansee. County Cork. in Eighteen Hun
dred and Forty-one. His father was a
driver of a jaunting cart: his mother a
barmaid They were worthy and respect
able people hard-working. Industrious
and economical. There were born to this
mother II children. Il of whom grew to
maturity. and all came to America
BY a strange fortune, Patrick found
work as a butler in a New York family,
that had high English high-church pro-
clivities.
1t was while serving as butler that he
acquired that lofty look of impassive i'm
munity. and the habit of carrying his
retrousse nose in the air.
Genuine Englishmen are not especially
peculiar nor interesting. but Irish Eng
lishmen add to the gaiety of nations.
! playing the part with finer art than the
| American Anglo-Maniac can ever hope
to do. AS an unconscious comedian.
Dean Hart stands in the front rank of
the second class.
As no born Englishman can ever hope
to rival in interest the Britisher of the
stage. so has Dean Hart the whole
blarsted. bloody bunch done to a bloomin
turn. You would swear he was a Cock
ney born on Ugh olborn, within sound
of Bow Bells. His face looks like a
Herkimer county souvenir cheese, with
map of Ireland on it. modelled in low
relief. The marks of the bog could not
be removed even by the late Professor
Woodbury..
Toole was never Jealous of but one
man, and that was Dean Hart.
Close your eyes while listening to the
good dean. and you would think you
were in Cheapside ordering 'arf and 'arf,
and he yelling for pork pie and goose
berry tart.
He chews his words and swallows
i them, instead of splitting them out. as
the disciples of Delsarte are told to do.
Strangers hearing him preach for the
first time think he is practising Espe-
ranto. This forensic deglutition listens"
like the exhaust on Lazier gas-engine,
and adds the last touch of curiosity
which whets interest in the guessing as
to what the man is trying to say. But
once you get the combination, ii is as
exciting as a jg-saw puzzle.
: The name, Hart, was the name of the
people for whom Patrick worked. He
LEGALLY adopted il when he was launched
on his churchly career.
The Harts were associated with the
Listers of Hoboken. and made thei.
money out of fertilizers. and the rise in
New Jersey real estate.
Like many another rich Episcopal fam
lily. they had private chapel of oratory
i'm their house. and here the young butler
turned curate spread the prie-dieu and
read prayers in bishops voice, In the
morning. and during the day he attended
to his duties as man-of-all-work.
The alternate subserviency and dicta-
torial autocracy of good lickspittle
| serve well when evolved to the higher
plane of Classicism. TO give eclat or
church dignity. and thus increase the
prebend as well as the stipend, and fit
the man for a gladstone bishopric.
/ The rise of the curate to the position
| of rector and then dean was as rapid as
il was merited.
| Dean Hart gives Stein-Bloch the kazoo.
for he wears breeks and CATERS but
, toned down the side. The advantage of
breeks is that they have no pockets. so
: YOU merely tumble and let some one
elise pay the street car fare. 1he deans
That is CONNIE il faut Fifteen Hundred
and Nineteen. and his haberdashery
properly reversed.
, He always carries bathtub as part
lof his bloomin' luggage. you know. also
a bulldog rug and hat box. even
when going TO Pueblo.
As the Irish, when they really get at