The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1911-09-15
Some Facts About the Mule
SCIENTISTS CLAIM STUBBORN ANIMAL. IS SUPER.
TOR EVEN TO THE HORSE IN NTELLIGENuE

i'll 49, .0
Behold the mule!s Around his agile
form rage the discussions Of science
and experience, the .fres Of hatred
and OF love, the derision Of contempt
Into the arena OF the worldwide ar
gument he has been driven. silent
and patient, as Of old;' dumb with the
discretion Of the centuries. wise with
the lore Of two species.
He is dull of wit and stubborn Of
Dispositions; he is brilliant Of intel
lect and more docile than the dove:
he is no better than his father, the
jackass; he Is endowed with q quality
Of genius that is superior to plain
horse sense; he is a hysterical old
maid and he Is q gentleman and a
scholar: he hasn't sense enough to
come in when 1t rains and he is bet
ter qualified to run the weather bu-
reau than it's present administration,
He is the e%quine-asinine paradox OF
nature, IL one tries to believe both
science and lay experience; and he is
a demon Of darkness OF an angel OF
light, just as you happen to make his
acquaintance.
England and America, in the per-
sons Of their experts, are at logger
heads over him, for all that he fights
the battles of both Of them: and he is
worth $1,000, Or he isn't worth q con-
tinental, a you See him with the
fond eye Of affection or the cold. calm
eye of science.
But every year more and more thou
sands of MULE buyers are paying their
money and taking their choice.
Over in London Prof. Wyndham Cot
tie, OF the Royal College of Surgeons,
and in the Isle of Wight Dr.. R. Con-
yngham Brown, both prominent men,
bers of the National Society for the
Prevention Of Cruelty to Animals,
have been investigating the traits of
mulishness from the mysterious
beasts sphinklike head to his alto
gether impossible heels. and they
don't think much Of him.
They sort Of pity him, al We do
human idiots. His cussedness. his
stubbornness, his magnificent wrath
and his natural-born kick-all these
are neither his fault nor his glory.
They are merely symptoms Of his at
Fiction.
The mule, these astute scientific
gentlemen agree, IL Just . poor, mis-
cradle. weak-nerved, hysterical apol-
ogy Of a %critter, who is invariably
either paralyzed with anger or scared
into catalepsy by fear. When he
balks he isn't determined not to move:
he is merely Involuntary unable to
move. His emotions are suffocating
him. and all the time you are lam
basting him his overwhelmed soul is
vacillating between unuttered shrieks
for home and mother and a passionate
|yearning to kick you in the pants.
When he does kick. it isn't with
malice pretense or because you de-
serve it, but only because his heels
flies out in a hysterical twitching. &C.
casioned by the agitation, which, in
American courts of law, would be al
legged by counsel for the defense and
by alienists at 800 a day to be an
irrepressible brainstorm.
Pity, therefore. the poor, emotional
mule. Treat him gently, kindly, ten
derby; feed him with dainties. COM
fort him with jujubes, for that is the
only way to reassure his timid
shrinking soul and let him know you
will always love him. He isn't GRIM
inal; he is only weak.
"Oh, scientists like that make me
an advocate Of straitjackets," decIar-
ed Americas foremost mule expert,
Eli Kindig, now Of Philadelphia, and
formerly of that classic mart Of mules
York, Pennsylvania.
In Mr.. Kindig's own state during
the decade between 1900 and 1910
the total value Of mules and mule
colts has increased from $2,90S, 900 to
$6,41S. 900, an advance Of 1907 per
cent. Horse flesh has risen from $40,-
$4,000 to $67,9S7,0 900, an increase OF
only sc per cent. There we're $40 ,16s
horses and colts, against 44,2S4 mules
Of all ages. But the value of the av-
erage adult mule was $146.9 9. against
$123.33 for the horse. So, II person
al worth counts for anything in the
animal Kingdom, the small but Sc.
lect coterie Of mules constitute the
aristocracy. Mr.. Kindig had statistics
for his ~partisanship az he went on:
"The mule a fool! Why, he has
more brains in his heels than plenty
Of people I know have in their heads
Nerves? Why, II sheer, unadulterated
nerve, multiplied about a hundred
times, is slated by arithmetic to &c
into the plural and the discard, yes
the mule suffers from nerves. But
haven't seen any that ever got hys.
terical. Mad? oh, any minute of the
day; madder'n a barrel of hornets ant
twice as able to take care of himself
But paralyzed and hysterical? No,
So long as he can take a chunk our
Of your shoulder with his teeth OF
land you somewhere in the vicinity
of Ararat with his heels.
THE mule is the best, bravest