New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-09-10

: tired Most Of his tribe could qualify ior
positions as weight exhibits IN side shows
They insist on sitting on the outside, next
tho running board. If one Of them hap
pens 10 be I'm the middle OF the seat when
YOU grab the car handle and swing aboard
he does not move over toward the inside
not if De is Of the species we have under
discussion
Instead. he moves toward YOU and takes
up position next the outside. Then II Is
I'D 10 YOU TO Chamber over him into the
seat. while the gentle conductor is baWing
for YOU TO Get inside please"-in d tone.
by the way which in spite Of the please
indicates that if YOU don't he will come
down and cheerfully knock you inside. So
there is nothing 10 do but fall over the
legs Of the amply constructed passenger.
He makes half-hearted and unwilling
move as though to give you room TO pass
his knees-at about which time the car
, starts and throws YOU plump in his eX-
pansive lap. After YOU have done an &C.
centric dance on his tenderest corns and
knocked his hat off YOU get seat be-
yond and find time TO recapture your own
lid and ask his pardon.
Don't mention il. its all right, 1 assure
YOU"
That is what he says with his lips-but
what he wanted TO say was that he would
delight In kicking you off the car and
thereafter walking UP and down upon your
PROSTATE person II is so easy TO say one
thing and let the other person see that
YOU mean the geometrical opposite. OF
course, when you leave the car you have
TO climb all over him once more.
There is one kind that will also go out Of
season with the summer cars; he is the
Fifth Person. The seats that run clear
across the summer cars have room 10
seat four ordinary persons-possiDly five
/ but only n they are all OF the Gothic
| STYLE of architecture. Now, the Fifth Per
son is like his cousin the Post Embracer,
plump TO portly. lie wheezes himself
aboard the car before a seat where four
; fares are seated. The four have been rid
ing streetcars long time and they in
stinctively tighten up the line a BIT when
the Fifth Person gets on, thereby leaving
a barren 6Idce Of about Z inches on the
car seat.
The Fifth Person fixes his eye on that
barren space and he proceeds 10 place his
| broad person there. When he gets set, II
makes the row on the seat 50 firmly
wedged together that one has 10 put OF
breathing until he alights from the car
and when you do get off you have 10 tear
your clothes 70 get loose from the COM
pact line Of perspiring flesh. Ii is one Of
the trials that the rest Of humanity has
10 suffer for the sake OF the 800 200
pound person. and the grace with which
II is usually done is "A mighty encouraging
indication that the Brotherhood Of Man Is
being put into active practice.
Any one who has ridden a crowded sur
face car between City Hall Park and I'D
street has been up against the package
boy and his parcels There IL a rule against
passengers carrying bundles that are too
big, and the kids who have 10 break the
rule 10 earn their three-fifty a week would
rather put IT over on cars that are not
equipped with pay-as-you get-on rears.
They Ike 10 catch the conductor In a
sardinely crowded car when he is up front
trying to worm nickels out OF honest
people VINO nave the coins in their hands
and a look OF absent-minded innocence on
their faces.
II the conductor is on the back platform
he can decide that the parcels are over the
limit and keep the kid from getting on. In
this case the juvenile Walking Vans go up
front and board her there. It's the motor
mans place to see that they don't get On