davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Queered Himself.

Observation-Disclosures Is dreadful
drawback to success" said a prom1-
nent official. 81 know very absent
minded lawyer. The other day 1t was
raining and blowing, and he engaged
taxicab. On the way to court ne
overlook the judge plodding along on
foot through rain and wind and mud,
and he halted the taxicab and invited
his honor to ride with him. The Judge
accepted the invitation. the tax1cab
duly halted at the courthouse. and the
absentminded lawyer hoped out and
ran upstairs to get ready the papers
for a petition he was to present But
when the court opened and the petit
ton was presented the judge. who had
been so courteous in the cab a FEW
minutes before, now repulsed the law
yer coldly and CONTEMPORARY. AS
the poor fellow stood stupefed a crier
whispered to him:
"'Do you know what you did? YOU
ran in and left his honor to pay fol
the taxicab.' "-Washington Star.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Hartman Told Him.

Hartman had an almost supernatu-
raj instinct for knowing what was
going on and who was doing it In the
mysteries of stock manipulation. once
when Southern Pacific had been going
up fast, Hartman and various bank
ing houses buying in concert, he called
up on the telephone one of his private
brokers. Somebody is selling" he
said. Eyes, sir" was the answer.
"Well, hand the market 25,OoO for
me-" Immediately he called up the
head of a banking firm much inter
ested in the market who's selling
Southern Pacific" he asked. Il don't
know; we haven't been able to hno
out" was the answer. ''I'n tell you,
snapped Hartman; "its your house
And he cut off the connection before
any reply to him could be made.-Ex
change.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Meet Next in Harrisonburg

Harrisonburg will be the next place
of meeting of the Virginia Horllcultu-
raj Society in January 1912. Messrs.
w alter Whately, secretary of the as
ISOLATION, of Grocer, and Z. Purcell
McCue. of Greenwood, members of
the executive com mitttee, visited Har-
risonburg Yesterday. They had it In
mind to have the next meeting IN
Richmond and told the local commit
tee of the many objections against
holding the next session in Harrison
burg. All these were duly overcome
nv the wide awake men of Harrison
burg and the meeting was settled fol
| that town
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Personal M entlon

MIR. J. R. Hardy, who now lives I'D
Oklahoma City, is visiting old iriends
in Charlottesville, his former home.
Mrs. G. M. Earman and Mrs. u. w.
Kennard and baby, have returned
from q visit to Mr.. and Mrs Fred Ear
man, at Clifton Forge.
Miss Pearl Hamlin, left yesterday,
for Ilawrenceville, after visit to Mrs
}. B. Rawlings.
Mrs. Bayne E. Rianhard, formerly
of Furdwick, now of New York, ar
rived yesterday to visit Mrs. Henry
Hutchinson.
Rev. o. F. Gregory D. d. has re-
turned after attending the Southern
Baptist Associ alton; in Jacksonville
Fla. He visited friends and relatives
in various cities. Re also spent some
time with Mr.. and Mrs. Lee Gregory,
in Montgomery, Ala. Mrs Greg DRY Is
still visiting them.
Mr.. and Mrs. H. G. McGary of Mid
dlebrook have gone to FREDERICKSBURG
to visit relatives.
Miss Florence Lily, of New York Is
the guest of Miss Louise Rawlings.
Mrs. Ell. Cosby of Clifton forg'
spent yesterday here.
Mrs. Charlotte Taylor, who had beer
the guest Of Mrs y. B.iayior LOT sever
al weeks, left yesterday Tor her nom
in Onancoc k.
Mrs. Ella Newman, after spending
few days here, returned 10 Ne>
York yesterday.
Mr.. w. w. Smales is IN Richmond
having left here yesterday morning
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
JoIted Mark Twain.

"Mark Twain" said magazine ed
itor, drought out Joan Of Arc anony-
mously. Before he acknowledged It's
authorship he sometimes fished for
compliments about it. One evening
at a dinner he said carelessly to SEN
atOr:
care you a novel readerT
"'Yes, a great novel reader, was
the reply.
81 don't suppose you're following
that anonymous new serial, Joan OF
Arc?"'
"Ipdeed 1 am, though, every in
stallment.'
"'What do you think of it? Is II
good?'
"'That's hardly fair question &c
ask me- the senator, who knew the
books real author, replied. You see
| | wrote Joan Of Arc" myself !"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
STATE OF OHIO, CITY OF TOLEDO GO


Frank J. Cheney makes oath that he
is senior partner of the firm of +. j.
Cheney & Co., doing business in the
City of Toledo, County and State afore-
said, and that said firm will pay the
sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for
each and every case of Catarrh that
cannot be cured by the use of Halls
Catarrh Cure. FRANK J. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and subscribed in
my presence, this 9th day of December,
A. d. 1856.
A. w. GLEASON,
VohAh') NOTARY PUBLIC.
Hlli, .atarrh Cure is taken inter-
nally, and acts directly on the blood
and mucous surfaces of the system.
Send for testimonials free.
FL. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
Sold by all Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for consti-
patton.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02

"ya," rejoined the foreigner, point
ing to the furnished room sign, "dere's
da sign"
"Well, if you have one that's suitable
I'd like to rent it for awhile"
eve no rent da rooms" was the be-
wildering declaration. Il got my ram
lily in here. and dey take up all Ga
house."
Don't rent any rooms? Why, then
have you that sign stuck in the win
dow"
"I'I tell you. Las week dat fellow
next door hang such sign in his iron
window, an Wen l see dat l put on
| of da same kind in my front window
! lust to show da people dat he ain
only man in dis place dat have hi
rooms Observation-Disclosures Library.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Two Points of View.

Nice discrimination would be re-
auired to decide which is the pessl-
mist and which the optimist in the ap-
pended war "reminiscences.
During one Of the battles of Muir
freesboro a group of wounded men was
huddled about a field hospital, waiting
surgical attention, when a big brawny
trooper, with a bullet in his left leg
and another in his right arm, hobbleo
I'D, holding his wounded arm In bis
left hand.
"Doc," he drawled, 1.-THE Johnn1es
came pretty near hitting me-"
Another fellow blowing blood copi
ously from his nose, the point Of which
had been shot off. promptly interposed
Doctor, the rascals" - sputter :
"came near"-another blow and sput
ter-"missing me-"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Southern Railway.
N, B.-The following schedule figures
are published only as information
and are not guaranteed. Schedule
in eff
Leave Charlottesville as follows:
No. 9, daily, 11.5O a. m. Local be-
tween Washington and Danville.

No. 90, daily, 40 p. m. Blrmjug-
ham Special. Through coaches
ard sleeping car 20 Columbia, Savan-
an and jacksonville sleeping car to
Augusta and Aiken. Sleeping car to
Birmingham. Dining car service. Tou-
rist to California 4 times a weeks
No. So, daily, Il. 10 p. m. U. 5. Fast
Mail, first-cla coaches and drawing
room sleeping car to New Orleans
dining car service.
No. al, daily, LOS am. New York and
Chattanooga Limited (via Lynchburg)
frst-class coach and sleeping cars to
Roanoke. Knoxville, Chattanooga.
| Sleeping car to New Orleans. Dining
car service.
No. 81, daily, LAP a. m. New York
| Atlanta and New Orleans Limited; all
Pullman train, club and observation
cars to Atlanta and New Orleans;
sleeping cars to Asheville, Atlanta,
New Orleans. Sleeping car to Char
iotte. Dining car service.
7:25 a. m. daily. Memphis special
Through sleeping cars and coaches for
Roanoke, Knoxville, Chattanooga and
Memphis. Dining car service.
Trains leave Harrisonburg for WASH
lington G. 40 a. m. week days, and Zoo
p. m. daily; arrive Washington l1;5a
a. m. and $50 p. M, respectively
Trains leave Washington for Harrison'
burg $50 a. M. daily, and 4.3O P: m
and 1856 p. m. week days; arrive Haro
risonburg 2. So p M. and 1925 and 9.OO
p. NJ, respectively.
Immediate connection in New Union
Depot at Washington for and fror.
Baltimore, Philadelphia and New orr
Il. III. Coopm :. Mgr.
S. H. III ,scwick, Pass. Traffic Mgr.
III. F. Cary, Gen. Pass. Agt.
l.. S. Brown, Gen. Agt.
Washington, ID. @
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
.Rrandino Criminals In England.


The branding Of criminals was
abolished in this country in 177S. I'm
til then this punishment was inflicted
In open court. generally in the pres
ence of the Judge, generally in the
presence of the judge, the necessary
implements-the iron brand. the char
ing dish and the iron gripper for keep
ing the hand steady-being always in
readiness. The usual brand was an
"R" applied to the left shoulder.
Child stealing, etc., however. were at
one time punished by branding the Of
fender with "R" on the shoulder for
rogue). ..M' on the right hand for
manslayer), and 'T' on the left nano
flor thieN.-Pall Mall Gazette.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Says She WAS A SOLDIER

Luray Va, May 31.-MIs. l.. f.
Bliss, of Augusta county, has made
application to the pension bureau for
a pension on the ground that, dressed
as man, she served four years in the
Federal Army as a member of COM
pany G, Sixty third Illinois Infantry.
The applicant is an old, decIepit wo-
man in poor circumstances.
On one cheek she bears an ugly
scar, made by a Confederate saber at
the siege of Vicksburg. She appears
to be able to substantiate every detail
of her claim.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
New Kind of Flute.

A large musician with a larger v1o-
loncello hailed a hanson.
"Drive me to Kings Hall!' he said.
When, after hard tussle, he bad
vedged himself and his instrument
into the limited area of the cab. the
driver cracked his whip and drove on
They reached the hall. The musician
alighted and took out shilling.
"What's thisY demanded the driver
"Your legal fare" said the musician.
eyes, know it's my legal fare fol
carrying you." retorted the jehu, with
a direful glance at the bulky 1nstru'
ment "but what about that there
futeY'-London Answers.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
FINAL HOP At ACADEMY

About twenty-five couples enjoyed
the snail hop given by the Staun-
ton Military Academy Social Club, in
honor of the class of 1911, last night.
The dance was held in the gymnasium
which was beautifully decorated for
the occasion in class colors, and college
remnants. The music was furnished
by the Beverley Orchestra. Many out
of town girls as well as Seminary girls
added to the gayety of the occasion.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Tho Self Made,

"What you see in that creature to
admire I can't see," said Mrs. Dub
bleigh. 'Why, she's all made up. Her
hair, her figure, her complexion-every
bit of her Is artificial"
We'll. what of it," retorted Dub
bleigh. "If the world admires sell
made men why shouldn't 1t admire a
self made woman "-Harper's Weekly.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
LOCAL. ITEMS

The MANY friends of Mr.. J. w. Todd
will regret TO near that he will be
ON fined TO his home for some time,
bavi,g had fall which resulted in
a brol tn hip.
Miss Ca herine Holt entertained her
friends very delightfully."- Tuesday
n;uht when she gave Five Hun
bred party at the home of her parents,
Mr.. and Mrs. e. T. Holt.
Mr. aud Mrs. WarIsD.t 15 nav own
ers of Montgomery Hall, ara nov In
thar hons, Mis- Warren witn hel
cbiIdran and servants having arrived
last night
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
The Modern Way.

"And now. Henry, you must go into
the library and ask papa's consent"
"What! Me ask anything OF that
little, yellow whiskered gink! Not on
your life, sweetheart! Nix on the papa.
II he's got any finger in this deal he
can come to me-see T-Clevelano
Plain Dealer.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
CITY BEAUTIFUL" MOVEMENT

Mrs. w. w. King has called meet
ing of The Augusta County Schooi LII
movement League to meet at the I.
Mr. G.. A.at 10 o'clock tomorrow morn
ing for the purpose of considering Inc
organization of Civic League lor
staunton. This meeting is IN out
grovtb of a letter recently wr.tth 10
Mrs. King by Mrs. Charles Catle'''
, president of the Chamber OF Commerce
in an attempt to enlist her coopera'-
10, in the movement to be made by
the Chamber of Commerce in peauIl-
fv;ng the city. The letter is as follows
May Is, 1911.
Mrs. w. w. KING,
stanton, Va.
| Dear Mrs. King:
Acting under the authority OF the
Chamber of Commerce, / wrote to
Mr.. Tams, as the representative Oh the
CITY improvement League, asking II
that body would not take charge anu
develop a plan for beautifylng oul
city by offering prizes for the oes'
kept grounds and the best kept square
Mr.. Tams readily consented to looi
into the matter, but advised me th'
other day that he was feeling to'
badly to do so. l write to enlist you
good offices in that connection.
Our plan was to turn it over to the
City improvement League and ap
point a committee from the Chamoe
of Commerce to cooperate with them
A couple of people have already onel
ed to give prizes, and l think ina
there is little doubt that the necessar
number could be readily raised an
that the plan would result in som
good.
Won't you kindly let me knoN
whether you would find 1t possiol
to take hold of this; and if so, l WI
; call and discuss it with you.
Very truly yours,
Charles Catlett.
Eysry woman in Stanton who
e interested in the Identifying Of tt
0 City is cordially invited by Mrs kia
to attend this meeting.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Had His Nerve.

I'm afraid" her father replied. you
would not be able to support my
daughter in the style to which she has
become accustomed"
"Well," the young man said after he
had thought the matter over briefly
,I'm not proud I'll let you help"
Chicago Record Herald.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
WooIqathering.

"For ones wits to go woolgather-
ing" is an allusion to pitiful indus
try sometimes seen in older countries.
In parts Of France, Germany and
Spain very old people are sometimes
employed in gathering wool from
bushes in sheep pastures. where 1t has
been plucked from the fleece as the
animals pass too close to the branches
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Swanson and Glass Pay Up

Richmond, Va, May 3l-United
States Senator Swanson and Repre-
sentative Glass yesterday filed their
formal notices of candidacy for the Sen
ate, and their checks for So, 900 each, to
cover the cost of the party primary, so
that the quartet of aspirants to the
United States Senate from Virginia is
now complete.
Senator Martin and Representative
Jones have already filed their notices
and cheeks.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
The Trsoic Difference.

William was lying on his bed, race
downward, sobbing desolately. His
mother took him in her arms. the
whole eight years of him: In Few
minutes she learned all. 1t was girl,
and she had sent him note.
It read:
Dere Willyum-I Iuv yu the best bu'
Henery gives me the most handy
ISABEL.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Chesapeake & Ohio Ry.
Schedule subject to change without notice

Schedule subject to change without notice
.33 a. m. Limited to Washington and
New York.
1912 a. m. Richmond, Old Point land
Norfolk.
1921 am. Washington, Richmond, Old
Point and Norfolk.
900 a, M. Local to Gordonsville.
Week Days
80 D. m. Local to Richmond.
7:3S n. m. Local TO Charlottesville.
Daily
4:1S a. M. Limited tC Cincinnati ana
Louisville.
SIG u. m. Cincinnati, Louisville, Chi
cago, 81. Louis and West
$50 pm Express to Cincinnati and
West.
Week Days
6:43 a. M. Local to Huntington,
40 D. m. Local to Thurmond.
S:44 %. m. Local to Clifton Forge.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
MR., TUCKER MUCH BETTER

Washington, D c., May 31.-lt Will
be good news to many people in Wiz
ginia to learn that Harry st. George
Tucker soon will be discharged from
the eye hospital here. where he has
been under treatment for the last two
wears, off and on, for cataract. He has
been informed by his physicians thai
he will be discharged at an early date,
and probably will have no more trouo'
le OF the kind that has recently Wor-
ried him so much.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Generous Tramp.

'P1ease gimme quarter" begged .
nanhandler on Washington street. -
won't hand yer no tale about bein
hungry, pard-honest, l wanter git
drink"
But" we objected for it was IL
deed us), "you don't need a quartz
to buy a drink
"Sir," answered the panhandler, %
youse t'ink I'm fallen so low as tie
take a gents money an den not invit
him ter drink wild meT-Boston TraV
Aler
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Manv Generations.

The case of six generations living Is
given by Tennyson thus: Daughter,
arise; thy daughter to her daughter
take whose daughters daughter crl'
eth" George Hakewell in the seven
teenth century had imagined one
descent more, for In his apologize" be
writes that the mother said to bel
daughter. Daughter. bid thy daugn
ter tell her daughter that her daugh
ter's daughter hath daughter,
credible injunction in the case OF
centenarian only.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
a TELESCOPE His Tomb.

After Keller had become head 81
the Lick observatory and died there
and his ashes were brought back to
Allegheny for burial it was his friend
Brashear who sealed them UP In their
last resting place, hollow in the sup
porting pillar Of the thirty inch re-
dector, which is Keeler's memorial
McClure'S.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Avoid Substitution.

Younghubby las he gulped down his
first bite of pancake'-Wow! Wnat
awful sirup! What in the mischief Is
It? Youngwifey tearfully'-Oh. dear
I was hoping you wouldn't notice IT.
but the grocer was all out OF table
sirup, and got bottle OF cough strip
instead.-Judge-
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Revenge.

IT had such a good time the other
day watching my wife's discontinue"
"Nice thing to say. How was itT
"She is hard and fast in her rules
about the house-wOn't even allow me
a cigarette. Well. the chimney began
In tht. morning and smoked all DAY
In spite of Baltimore American
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
One Thinq Missing.

A woman living in a small town.
saws Everybody's, purchased from an
art dealer there a water color outht'
with printed directions for its use
These directions included, among 9TH
er things, instructions to moisten the
brushes for the first time with saliva
In a day or two the dealer received
the following note:
Dear Sir-The outfit is complete as or
dered, except the saliva Yours truly
MRS, -.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
HAD FURNISHED ROOMS.
And He Had a Sign Out to Let the
Neiahbors Know.

In q little settlement on the outskirts
of Chicago two houses stand out more
boldly than the rest. These two are
the domiciles of two Italians OF means,
who, although being very ignorant
men. We'd with each other for the
social leadership Of the locality.
: One day newcomer, In search OF
temporary lodgings, attracted by O
conspicuous sign in the window OF the
first of these two houses, stepped tG
the door to make inquiry.
81 see you have furnished rooms
here" he said to the swarthy man VINO
answered his knock.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
His Scent.

"How did the young man who want
ed to 60 in the newspaper business gee
alongY
ut was a pretty race for success, but
he won by nose"
"What do you mean?"
"a nose for news" Baltimore
American
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Brides In Iceland.

A quaint old superstition in Iceland
is that every bride must invite all her
friends to dinner in her own home
and every article of food must be pre-
pared by the bride herself. If she is
successful in pleasing her guests she
not only receives praise for her own
skill, but helps along her younger Sis
tiers, who are then assumed to be
equally good at cooking and conse
quently have much better chance OF
getting married.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Kind Little Boy.

HAS my boy been little defender
and been kind to dumb animals to
dayr
eyes, grandma. I let your canary
ont of the cage. and when my cat
caught it / set ToWser on her"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Thu Answer,

EYES," said Nagget, "a woman usual
" treats her husband as the average
servant treats bric-a brac."
"Go ahead" said the wise Mrs. Nag
get. "What's the answerP
"Why, the more he's worth the NOR
She tries to break him" Catnoh'
Standard and Times.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02

Nabor-I saw the doctor at your
house yesterday.
Subbubs-Yes; that boy of mine
climbed up on the porch when he was
told not to, and
Nabor-Ah, l see. He fell and broke
his
Subbubs-Not much! He's sound as
a dollar. But my wife tried to whip
him for If. and new she's nervous
and physical wreck.-Catholic STAND
ard and Times.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02

81 see your son has gone to work"
"Yep."
"How is he getting along"
"Oh, fine! Anything In the way OF
a novelty always appeals to him"
Washington Herald.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Gave Him Time.

"Judge." walled the prisoner, cant
YOU give me a little time to think this
thing over?'
Certainly replied the magistrate.
"Six months" -Philadelphia Record
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02

Preaching and FractIce'
Visitor-Could | speak with the par
son for q moment? Scranton, II
disturbed him now he'd take my head
off! He's writing a sermon on "Self
Control."-Puck.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02
Candor.

Shopper-Can hang this paper Oh
myself? Salesman - Yes. sir, but it
would really look better on the WALL
Harper's Bazaar.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-06-02

Eysry woman in Staunton who IS
inrerestsd in the identifying OF the
city ia cordially invited by Mrs kiag
to attend this meeting.