The Cairo bulletin., 1911-06-01
DODGING THE
LAW !.
sasGssssA
By Nj. QUAD
Copyright. 1910. by Associated Lit
erary Press

forty when startling event took place
in his life. He was also widower
He was exactly five feet high and
weighed 10 pounds. These figures
viii convince you that Josephus was
not numbered among the mighty men
OF earth. He had tried various ways
of making living, and In pursuing
them he had got the reputation Of be-
ing Keen HS had at last turned ped
dler and was driving q horse and
wagon around the country with dry
goods, notions, groceries and tinware.
That's the way he came to meet the
widow Sopher, who lived on farm
The widow had passed forty. She
was large and bony and strong. She
was not handsome The only thing on
earth she feared was the law. She
had once been arrested for kicking
man and had spent ten days in Jail.
The sheriff had made her stay MS
pleasant rs possible. but she had new
err recovered from the shock.
Peddlers are joviul lot, and so are
widows. and in time these two came
to call each other Josh and Sally.
Things would have gone no further
but for the little mans keenness. He
never made a sale TO the widow with
out cheating her. and one day when
he heard that she had come into pos
session of $1,000 in cash through the
death of a brother Josephus saw his
f-.. f,ttr, hnt
would set mp store in the village,
and he would become a thriving mer-
chant.
Josephus went counting. He found
the widow behind the plow in field.
AS he courted she plowed. He had
no objections. as time was money to
both Of them. Josephus confessed
that he had entertained a sneaking
affection for the widow since his first
call. and. though she didn't say much,
she seemed pleased.
Josephus was told to call two weeks
later. but at the end of nine days he
was back again. He said it was his
beating heart that fetched him. He
had cut the time down. but the widow
was ready for him. Several days pre-
vious she had gone to the village and
paid a lawyer 50 to answer the ques-
ton:
."Can the law trouble a wife who
ticks her husband"
And his answer had been;
mot If you do NOT. lick. him too hnrd.
There Is neither assault nor battery in
what may be called d moderate licking.
Don't break any bones and don't seri-
ously injure his eyes"
II have been thinking" said the wild
ow to Josephus; Il have been thinking
and wondering IL you loved me"
Heavens, can you doubt it?' he ex.
claimed
"And you win always love me?'
"Forever and foreverp'
"Then Wen say two months hence"
"One month--a weeb--a dayw
Joscphus knew of store to rent in
the village, and be wanted that $1,000
The widow insisted that she must have
two weeks at the very shortest, aud a
date was settled on. The marriage was
to be private and be celebrated In her
home. In due time the happy day
came round-a preacher and two wit
nesses and the deed was done An
hour later. as the happy couple were
left alone, the widow changed her
dress, rolled up her sleeves and brought
out new horsewhip bought for the oc-
casion.
What's up7' asked the wondering
Josephus.
"Take off your coat and stand ont"
"For what, love? want 10 talk
with you about opening store in
town"
''Plenty of time for that, Josephus
The first sale you made to me was five
yards Of roller toweling. You beat me
on the price and on the measure. I'm
going to tan your jacket for it,"
"But. love-
She took him by the collar and laid
on the whip till he hollered. A wo-
man who could twist a plow around
in clay soil could handle the little
Josephus.
"The second SALE" continued the
wife as she rested, was five tin pans.
Four of them leaked, and you beat me
out Of 10 cents beside. Here is lick
ing No. 2"
But | am your dear husbandr' he
protested as he squirmed about.
"And that's why can lick Won and
dodge the law Here goesr' I'm.
.Iosephus' hide. was tickled again.
He ATTEMPTED to fight. but was taken
by the hair and his head banged
against the wall TIL he grew quiet
When the performance was over and
the wife had got her breath she said.
"You sold me ten yards OF calico for
dress and warranted It to wash. 1t
was three-quarters Of yard short on
the measure and the c0lors ran into
each other Josephus, some more
horsewhipw
T'll have you arrested for thisv'
"You can't. That's what | paid So
TO make sure Of Come to timer
Aud Josepbus was licked for selling
short weight groceries. and for charg
ing so cents too much for a pair OF
shoes, and for selling black stockings
that crooked, and when he had got his