The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1911-06-01
THE VILLAGE
JACKASS

By M. QUAD
Copyright, 1910, by Associated Lit
erary Press.

The village jackaSS was the real
| thing-an animal instead of a man.
| He entered the village of Sandy Hill
one night at 10 o'clock, and no resi-
dent has ever discovered where he
came from. There were various theo-
ries put forth but they We're theories
only. There weren't any theories,
however, as to what happened when
that jackass struck the town. There
was a public square, and he stood on
that square and made public procla-
nation of his arrival. He prayed d
hawhawhaw that woke every sleeper
in the village, Men, women and chill
dren tumbled out of bed and into the
street in fear and trembling
There was little sleep In the town
the remainder Of that night. At reg
ular intervals Of ten minutes that tack
ass brayed
That haw-haw-haw was not a
mournful bray. On the contrary, it
had jovial ring. 1t seemed to the
people of Sandy Hill to be saying:
.'Hurrah for mel I've struck it at
last! We won't 20 home till morning
and mebbe not Them
When morning came the question
was what to do with that animal. 1t
was not easily answered. Drive him
on toward Lansingburg and let that
town welcome or reject him. The job
was given to a gang Of boys. The
iackass protested, but the gang was
too many for him He was dubbed
down the road for mile and warned
to keep moving on. One hour later
he was back on the public square
braying his joy at being home again.
He was escorted toward Fishb,ng. but
he returned again. He was escorted
toward Edwardsville and toward Gran
ford, but he never reached those
places. He put i'm the day at 1t and
then returned to say how glad he was
that he was in the hands Of his friends
once more.
That night the town cooper took
charge of the animal and by tying
butter firkin to his tail prevented any
braying. No jackass can bray with
head and tail down. Next morning he
was driven within mile of three diff
ferent towns and told that the inhab-
itants were waiting to welcome him.
but before the last citizen of Sandy
Hill had gone to bed that bray sound
ed In his ears. The rejected was back
on the job.
Thousands of public meetings have
been held for this or that reason, but
IT is doubtful IL one was ever held be.
fore or since on account of lone jack
ass. Sandy Hill held one, and the de-
bate was spirited. A stray jackass had
forced itself upon them. What was to
be done. in the case2f All efforts to I'M
load him on other towns had tproved
futile. No ,one had ever heard of a
jackass without an owner. This beast
must have one. He must call and pay
damages and take his property He
must be advertised for. If he didn't
show up in the legal time then the
Jack would be sold to the highest bid
der
That was the course pursued but no
owner came to make his claim.
The day came when the iackass was
to be sold for his keep. He was to 60
to the highest bidder without reser-
walton. That meant that his bray was
to be thrown in. The auctioneer hol
Tered in vain. Not bid was made.
No ne'offered even a dollar
How much pounding can jackass
take and keep up with the procession?
This one had more clubs, broom ham
dies, hoe handles, AK helves and pitch
forks broken over his back than would
fill freight car, bat he came UP to
the scratch smiling. He was bit with
clods, stones, brickbats, old cans and
bottles and picket fences, but he
didn't grow weary Of well doing. One
night when ne broke UP a prayer
meeting with his bray Il good deacon
rushed out and knocked him uncon-
scious with q blow from crowbar. 1t
was believed that he was dead. but
next morning saw him wandering
about as gayly as ever.
Again, a young man was counting a
girl He was interrupted by that haw-
haw-haw just as he was about TO
ask the girl to be his'n, He ran out
and fred dose of bird shot into the
disturber No use. The Jack was
frisking next day.
Nevertheless there must be limit
to all things. Even an ownerless
iackass must draw the dead line some.
where. This one held on for two years
before he, drew. Then he decided that
he hadn't been used square in that
Christian community. 1t had sent
cash to the heather of Africa and left
him to eat moldy straw. 1t had been
kind to dogs and horses, but had
bruised and battered him on various
occasions He would shake the dust
OF the town off his hoofs, but in going
he would leave memory behind
A railroad was being run to the viii
lage. The grading contractor was do
ing much blasting, and half mile
from the village limits he had 500
pounds OF dynamite in a she'd The
jackass took his departure at night.
His way lay past that shed. He stop
ped and backed up to the door and
kicked it in, and kicked at the boxes
piled up. Then Sandy Hill had an
earthquake that tore things to pieces