Polk County observer. (Monmouth, Polk County, Or.) 1888-1927, 1911-08-18
Song of the Tightwad.

Song OF the T1gntWau.
When / was young and giddy, boys,
/ And not so old and fat
In smashing female hearts galore,
/ knew where ] was at.
I've written many bubbling notes
To high school girls, and such,
But all my gushing, rosy thoughts
Did not amount to much.
And each and every one of them
| Was pure, and free from harm,
Like dew on red tomatoeses
| Or cabbage on the farm.
| used to love each budding miss
| With ardor fierce and bold,
But when the soda season came
My flaming heart grew cold.
SO long as love was rated cheap,
And ice-cream shops were few,
My passion fiourished like the rose
And like a bay tree grew.
But when the fountains merry fizz
Flung forth it's ice-cold brew,
My pathway led through other streets
AS tightwads always do.
And so / wrote my cherished notes
In youths glad summer day,
But kept away from flounce and skirt
xNbap IL oo ma fiV,,o IN nav
I've never longed to sit in state
In Congress- honored halls,
Although I've always done my work
Where country's duty calls.
And, If to Congress / should go,
In some sweet distant time,
/ hope I'll do little work
For mileage and per diem.
But If love letters / indite,
Like Lafferty, perchance,
l hope an outraged people, quick,
Will kick my bloomin' pants.
/ wish somebody would lay off
from his arduous labors long enough
to elucidate, for the benefit of my
darkened mind, why it is that the bell
pullers on the Southern Pacific loco
motives, keep their brass dingers
working overtime while the engines
are running over the rails on Church
street at the dead hour of midnight,
or later. The main use of bell is
supposed to be to warn the public of
possible danger but there are mighty
few public" about in this mans town
after midnight, and what few there
are had better be in bed and should
be left to their own resources in keep
ing off the tracks. But the brass
bells ding, and people are awakened
in that section of the city, their tenn
pers are assailed, and they are made
miserable. Sneak the en-
gTnes through town, you s. p. fell
lows, but let the people sleep, even If
your own duties prevent that sport
during the night hours.
"Why don't the farmers grow hogs,
asks Portland newspaper. They do,
my friend, and some of them grow to
be hogs In that respect, however,
they haven't got anything on the fell
low who lives in the towns and cities,
in Portland.
/ heard a freshly married man say
the other day that ne didn't come
down town nights any more. Il stay
pretty close to home now" said he,
and I've cut out all the rough stuff.
[ have forsaken all my old-time
launts, the places that used to know
ne, know me no longer, and the pol
shed mahogany l polish no more.
After few months I'll break away
'ome night and stroll down town and
he boysll grow excited and slap me
IN the back and say. 'whywhereinell
rave you been for the past six
I'm glad to see you; come
n and have a drink?.'" All OF which
enlinds me that some fellows will do
Inything to get a drink.
'Housework drives girl from home"
eads a headline in a daily newspaper. |
his isn't the first instance. House
york has driven many girls from
Iome. and they've been the worse for
/. l don't believe in making a drudge |
,,t of the qirl hnt she is n hlanad /