davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
JAYHAWKER JOTS

Marysville ought to get there now.
It's new mayors name is Pusch.
1t occurs to the Jewell County Re-
publican that a paper has to have the
two scarcest things in the world
money and news.
1t is strange, says the Marysville
| ACCOMPLISHMENTS, but he VINO IS
referred to as 1.-The man higher up, is
usually more of a devil than an
ANGEL
The Halstead Independent should
| take it's complaint to Professor Dyche.
What we need at this time of year. II
says, is a law limiting the open season
for cold waves. ta-
The editor of the Marysville Advo-
cate-Democrat would not grumble If
the women folks would occasionally
observe Lent by giving up the habit OF
contracting millinery bills.
Whenever you have to get mad in
expressing an opinion about anything,
says the Kingman Journal. you may
be very certain that your opinion is
wrong. There is no exception to this
rule.
1t is the opinion of the Lawrence
Gazette that the winning o. prizes at
the average card party cannot be con-
strued as gambling for the reason thaC
the majority or them represent AO
monetary value.
An honest confession from the juno
ton City Sentinel that might we'll be
made by many others: Graft is some
thing that nobody wants to be accused
of being mixed UP with, but there are
very few of us who are not looking for
the best of it should the opportunity
present itself
Noting that a jury acquitted the
Hutchinson man who was charged
with stealing gas there last winter,
the Larned Chronoscope says: The
trusts have gobbled most everything,
but the American yoemanry rise IN
Indignation when they attempt TO
control the air supply.
One Downs man, reports the Times,
could cut eighteen notches on the
chlorofor1n bottle If the old saying
about the number of a cats lives holds
true. He left two cats in a boiler with
an open chloroform bottle one day last
week and that evening when he lifted
the lid life's fitful fever was over for
them.
Advice to girls from the Kingman
Journal: You may be pretty Gwen
doIyn, but that should never operate
as an excuse to make you 1nsolent.
Better cultivate way or two to keep
against the day when all the pretty
shall have been washed off your race
by the years and tears
Billy Branden has his good left light
in mourning. reports the Kingman
Journal. No, he hasn't been in
fight. No, his wife has not engaged
him in an argument. No, he has not
met with an accident. No-to dozen
other questions that folks are asking
him. He and Judge Gillet were going
to Wichita yesterday to get some sup
plies for their bee hives ana Billy
went out to kiss his bees goodbye be-
fore gong One of them was not In
very amiable humor, and made
straight shot for Billy's lamp, striking
somewhere On the northeast corner or
the west eye and going through almost
to the think-tank. Billy is just aoIe
f0 see out
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
what Becomes of the Pins?

For some Centuries the scientists
and curious questioners OF mankind
have busted themselves with vain
quests and vainer speculation as to
what becomes of the pins?" Every
body knows in a general way and q
very few realize fully that many
hundr reds of thousands of tons of cop
per, tin, steel, and other metals are
made into pins every year, only to &C
into use for a brief period and then
like the fated hunter of the "Boojum'
in 1.-THE Hunting of the Shark" quiet
ly vanish away"
An English gentleman, "who wanted
to know, you know" has quietly ex-
perimented with pins of various kinds
and now announces that very briei
time elapses not over 154 days, before
the indispensable hairpin is resolved
into dust and blown away by the wind
Bright pins last nearly eighteen
months polished steel needles, two
years and a half; brass pins are very
shortlived; and steel pens, even when
not exposed to acids in inks, are nearly
eaten away in a year. At last the mys-
tery of the ages has been solved, and
we know what becomes of the pins"
National Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

lFrom the Chicago News.1
Oh, no, Cordelia, a wood stove isn't
made of wood.
Anyway, it is better to be romantic
than rheumatic.
Many a man is afraid of doing wrong
so he does nothing.
Don't blame the actor for trying to
make a show of himself.
Even a man who is fond of horses
doesn't like to be nagged.
If wishes were horses beggars would
try to swap them for aeroplanes.
Time is rnoney-with the exception Of
the time made by the losing horse.
Sometimes a woman adds to her trou-
bles by trying to subtract from her age.
After a man has been elected to Of
fee he is apt to forget those who put
him there.
Yes, Cordelia, you are probably right
in your belief that a henpecked man
is chicken-hearted.
When bad luck begins to pour down
on a man he seldom has enough ambi-
ton left to raise an umbrella.
Men are continually disobeying the
laws of nature. but a hog never seems
to do anything that isn't good for him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
THE REASON

THE REASON.
Do You ever feel down in the dl1rnps
AS cranky and cross as two sticks
When lie seems road full of bun1ps.
ana your spirits are all in a mix?
fix? IL suS4 .
Why with inward forebodings you're
gnawed7
The reason five times out of six
Is called Gladys, or Phoebe, or Maude.
DID you ever feel light as an elf
AS Tree and as blithe as the air?
AS pleased as old Punch with yourself.
Without e'er trouble or care?
WouId you know why the world seems
so fair,
And LIES way so smooth and SO broad:
The reason exceptions are rare)
Is called Gladys, or Phoebe, or Maude.
In short, if you feel sad or blue.
Or your spirits with joy oyerrun.
through,
ana with the gray world you'd be done;
When you're bubbling all over with
fun
When from coldness your attitudes
thawed,
The reason, ten chances to one,
Is called Gladys, or Phoebe, or Maude
IN. Salisbury, in Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
HVA0R OF THE Dry

presbyterian Elder-Nae NV No..
WIN pc name o they new-fan1IadA' mere
Gus IN heaven Lstener-T 49, netn-
now you can be sure. Elder-SnrS know
t1on, slh tney tried it, the whole by. ny'
a bodvlI1 I'll 1nni msu rise up an gang GOT in
Foet-Ihere goes a notorior.
LIrmeo begging letter writa- atu con-
Mnat! why, thought that char I,,
1oneo Ioe-Weli, he has written ,,S ~ ~
least a. dozen letters beepino len me at
any inore OF my stuff.-Puck.
WI nat makes you think sha.s
eoreo: Sne thinks Ibsen;s nj. ~, uHo N
SIupld Well, a lot of peonis nHas:ys are
Do1 SAe says so.'-Cleveland LeaSIe,
Mollie-Don't you tbink
long time to put off our wedi,ne9 mn In is a
Wny' your sister put hers OF /. nolue-
Les, out that was last fall Tx -Aontn.
are getting longer now, you knoH usys
Cant we arbitrate th,,
whined the malefactor of eraaf natterY"
nave nothing to arbitrate." reSn~x sSatn. 4
tan as ne s1gnaled to the custo5ia.S "a
erlolron--Louisville Courier-Journalo % -ne
80 WY dld you and your wife rnova -.
by yourselves?" 1.-THE women axe fiat
one preferred salt rising and ~ course.
compressed whatever they are. "M - Usner
r. was engaged ten tines saws a..
ally married. .sYes?s coTn ore l fin
lady with the fur bonnet Tt.s TN q the
i ,ato tor some women to land q man Taf1
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
Saving Telephone Time,

The fact that time is money in BUSH
ness and that every day there is lost
in New York a great deal of time in
telephoning is responsible for some
new telephone wrinkles you encounter
nowadays.
All of the large hotels have rule
by which an operator is obliged to an
swer your ring Immediately with the
name of the hotel, thereby saving the
whole question which otherwise you
would have to ask. The same rule has
been adopted at police headquarters,
which probably receives more tele-
phone calls in one day than any other
institution.
Instead of having to find out wheth-
er you have got the right number
when you call for 800 Spring, you
know at once, because the man there
answers Immediately with police
headquarters" Suppose you want the
head of the police department. OF
course, you won't get him e. once, but
the person you do get will answer
thus: Lieut.. So and So. commits
sioner's Office"
Everybody answering call there is
supposed to follow this rule. The time
which would be lost through the ques-
lions this rule has eliminated would
amount to several business days In a
year.
The same rule in answering tele-
phone calls has been adopted by other
city departments whose telephone calls
are almost inceSSant, one in particular
being the mayors office. A lot of
large business firms and law firms have
also taken it up lately, and in time the
method will probably become general.
One great advantage of it is that you
know instantly when you have the
wrong number and are spared the
questions you generally have to ask
New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

from the other end. She halted and
he came along up and said:
| Well, widow, you SOS am back
Going somewhere?"
Eyes"
az was in hopes to find you at home.
as I wish to talk about our getting
married. Better go back with me-"
'sMr. Skeen, I'll never marry you
never!" she replied with vigor.
"Oh, yes. you will. You forgot that
am a determined man. I'll call this
evening for you to set the date!"
'If you poster me again I'll
|IIl-l"
She had no time to complete the
sentence. Under their united weight
the old bridge went down, with a
crash. 1t was a fall of ten feet, and
the creek had depth OF six feet and
swift current. The widow screamed
and gasped and gurgled, but the wild
over was cool. He supported her and
made landing a hundred feet below.
As she leaned up against a tree, limp
and bedraggled, he said:
widow Faber, may I call this
evening and. talk the wedding over ?"
mo, no, not" she gasped.
"All right. We will make 1t Sum-
day evening. Widow, let me call your
attention to the lact that we have
pasture. The Deacon owns bull, and
that bull Is coming for US and we must
climb this tree Up you go. That's it.
Just in time. He can't reach us, and
will go away in time. Now, as to our
getting married. We are up tree, of
course, but don't you think-?"
81 do, I do!'' she exclaimed in an
swer. ''I said I'd never marry you.
but I will. You've pestered, and I've
been drowned, and here's a bull roar
ing at US. and I can't hold out no
longer! Yes, James, I'm yoursi Well
be married tomorrow!'-(Co Copyright,
1911, by Asso ciated Literary Press)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
FROM OTHER PENS
PLURALS.

When the casual eye falls upon the
word "gymnasia," in civic address,
even when the address is delivered in
Boston, the casual eye is arrested,
"Gymnasia" is Individually good
word. As old Polonius might have ex-
planned, it is the plural of gymnasium.
It has similitudes in such adopted
Latin as alumnae, alumni, hippopotami
and the like. Yes. it is a good word.
And yet one fears. What if polite
scolasticism speads and crocuses be-
come croci, and indexes are always
induces, and even that plain word of
common usage, voxtexes. becomes vor-
tees? Is there not peril to the tongue
in giving back the naturalized words
appropriated from an alien time? Are
not the very freshness and virility OF
the kansas language due to its ca
pacity for taking its property where 1t
finds it, and holding it against the
old title?
'tGymnasia'' and the nicely of speech
it indicates appeal to the aforesaid cas-
ual eye as too finical not alone of learn
ing but of conscience. The debt of Eng
fish to the Latin tongue is too vast to
be offset by an occasional acknowledge
ment AS we have poured copious Ro-
man draughts into our well OF Eng
lish undefiled," why not be consistent
~ brazen about it and angliciZe all
our plurals?-Kansas City Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

icy which producers at present are
unwiseIy opposing.
'In the west a very conservative
business spirit prevails; the wave Of
depression which began on the sea-
board is now working its way slowly
but surely towards the Pacific coast,
where in due time it win completely
disappear. So far as the business out
look as whole is concerned there is
nothing to cause anxiety. It is doubt
full If readjustment Is yet completed,
and we may look forward to a period
of more or less quiet Business is
really taking the rest cure, a treatment
never quite acceptable to the active
American spirit"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
GLOBE SIGHTS.
lFrom the Atchison Globe.1

L
There are plenty of good STEP
mothers, but can they prove 1t?
An old-fashioned woman's idea of
shiftIessness is to buy canned soup.
Soda water fuses around good
deal without accomplishing much.
So many schemes that look all
right when they are new, don't wear
very we'll.
Considering the amount Of noise it
makes a gasoline engine accomplishes
a good deal.
What has become of the old-fash-
toned man who had never known a
"sick day. in his life?
The drummer may be good must
clan, but he can't expect people to
ask him to play solos.
It takes winter a long time to give
I'D the fruit buds and let the worms
have a chance at them.
In a boys ball team, nearly every
player secretly believes he Is entitled
to fill the pitchers box.
One ought to be cheerful, of course,
but there is such thing as being too
noisy about it.
Some men spend more time getting
ready to work than they spend work.
ing after they get started.
No one who spends much time in
them ever seems to have a good word
to say for the American jails.
You can't blame the dogs for going
to a dog show, but it would seem that
people could find something more
amusing.
While a barber charges a good deal
for shaving a corpse, one must con-
slider the fact that he can't carry on
a conversation with such customer.
A dead hero may not appreciate
your devotion at his shrine, but he
has the advantage over the live one
in that there is less likelihood of the
tune changing.
When children are willing Father
should marry again after Mother dies,
it is sign they don't like to have him
around, and think he needs someone
to take care of him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
JOURNAL ENTRIES

The average mans favorite game is
the one he can win at.
q y
Nor should people incur social obli-
cations that they cannot repay.
Getting down to brass tacks, the
most difficult part of a fellows pro-
posing marriage is to ask her folks
consent.
There is enough conversation after
a bridge whist game to more than make
up for the silence during its progress.
Most men and women don't have to
figure their ages to find out they're
growing old. A peep in a looking
glass is sufficient.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
LIARS LITERATURE.

There must be a contest on for story
telling, for the reading public are being
handed some lemons" unawares, or,
if there isn't, the strangest things ever
are happening. The lamppost that
wabb1ed was just plain simple drunk,
we know about that, but we won't say
any more. Then the Plymouth Rock
hen and the cold storage affair, too,
made US sit up and take notice. but
now comes into court North Yakima
farmer, and he tells this without even
blushing. He says he fired into flock
Of geese and brought down two. He
had also cast off the Yakima river
bank a fishing line with several hooks
on it, so he could hunt and fish at the
same time. You know these Yakima
farmers are deucedly clever. He was
surprised to see another goose rise in
the air again and again, only to fall
to the ground.
Upon investigation he discovered that
the goose was caught on set line
nearly 500 feet long with so hooks set
at intervals. A section of the line was
on the land and the goose had swallow
ed one Of the bats. Following up the
line, he found it down hole under a
stump. Pulling on the line, he dragged
out a snarling, swapping otter and an
1S-pound German carp. It's nearly time
for some one to tell how diamond
necklace was got out of a lobster"
and then school can Qu1t.-New Or
leans Picayune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press.1

from the New York Press.1
Even expert judgment has to guess
right once in while.
Lying is an art, and that is why ev-
erybody tries it without mastering it.
A woman just adores an invitation
to something that makes her get a
new dress for it,
The only pleasure a man gets out
Of doing his duty is the way he can
baw1 through the world that he did it.
When woman makes up her mind
to love a man, the less reason there
is for it the more she seems able to
do it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
NEGROES on National PAY roll.

The departments in washington are
fuII Of negroes who have rendered long
and honorable service for many dis
tinguished public men and their fami-
lies.
For the most part they are employed
as doorkeepers or messengers to mem
bers of the cabinet or their assistants.
The Interior Department has three col
ored men who have long seen service
in public life. One of them was a
body servant of Robert E. Lee before
the civil war Another served as driver
for Mrs. John A. Logan for ten years.
Chicago Daily News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

it fades away into insignifcance as
compared with the problem Of how to
dispose of the hide of the youngest of
the herd that succumbed to a change
of pastures or something else. 1t is
distressing that such important mu-
nicipal problems as these are always
pressing to the front
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

The Democratic party is no place
for the anti-whiskerites. Colonel Jim
Ham Lewis of Chicago, than whom
there is no more magnificent an expo
nent of the whisker-growing art, pre-
sided as POSTMASTER at the big Demo-
cratic love feast which was held at
Indianapolis the other night.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

Hetty Green is to have chain of
banks extending from New York to
the Pacific with pendants reaching to
the north and down into Texas. This
will make the diamond necklaces of
the other wealthy New York women
look cheap in comparison
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

It appears that it will be peculiarly
appropriate for at least one American
actress to wear a harem skirt. She
has just married Prince Ibrahim Has
san, cousin of the Khedive of Egypt.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

The latest swatfest to be inaugur-
ated concerns the swatting of wild
morning glories. which are rather
promiscuous on the farms in Kansas.
They are said to be as pestiferous as
the Canadian thistle. It surely won't
be long now before the order of the
day will be to swat everything.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

Everybody will be from Missouri
on the proposition that a Denver po-
liceman stopped a squabble among a
number of women by getting down on
his knees and offering up a prayer for
peace. Now if such an incident had
concerned a Topeka policeman there
would not be so much reason for skep-
ftcfsun
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

Great Joy undoubtedly prevails
again among the people on this con-
tinent The lobster famine has been
broken. Still a famine of this sort
would not have been without it's re-
deeming features had it not been con-
cerned exclusively with the Holsters of
the crustacean type.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

DIR. D. K. Pearsons, the Chicago
philanthropist, who is ninety-one years
old, says that one of his rules for pro-
longing life is to say when he sits
down to eat: Fret not thy gizzard."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

We knew there was something lack
ing, says the Philadelphia Inquirer,
but haven't until just this moment
been able to think what it was. Like
a flash the realization has swept over
us that We havn't had a Balkan war
cloud for a dogs age.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

Another wheat crop scare has been
exploded. Professor Hunter, head of
the chronological department of the
state agricultural college. insists that
there are not enough of these critters
in the state to do even an infinites-
sinai amount of damage Surely the
"crop killers are having a hard row
to hoe this year.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

Mexico's new ambassador to the
United States is also a gentleman of
frugaHty. His name is Manuel de
Zaamacona Inclan. And in order to
save ink he is going to drop the In
clan part of it. But even as his name
remains it Is something of a jaw
breaker
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

The State Journal Is a member OF the
Associated Press and receives the full day
Telegraph report of that great pews or
9anization for tho exclusive AttoCnoon
publication in Topeka.
The news Is received in The State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

Thus do the mighty fall Amos
Rusie, one of the greatest baseball
pitchers of his and any other time. is
now a ticket taker at the gate of the
Seattle baseball park.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

According to one of the Maderos,
If Diaz asks for the intervention of the
United States he will be killed like a
rat Diaz's prospects do not appear to
be very bright no matter what point
they are viewed from.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

Tomorrow will be one of the most
beautiful casters in years" said the
local weather man on Saturday. And
It was. Great, indeed, is the weather
man as a prophet-occasion
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

One more exempli1cation of the fact
that to those who have shall be given.
Lena" Blackbourne, the star and
highest salar1ed man on the Chicago
White Sox team, has Just fallen heir
to a 100000 share of an estate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

A Topeka woman believes she has
solved the problem of living forever.
And she has failed to put sour milk in
the dietary.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18
PONCE

You see how it is, Gentle Readers; we
will have to arrange meeting between
Ponce and Macarthur, so that they may
shed each others gore. Walt Mason,
the bone of contention, will be invited
to hold a bucket for Ponce; Dodd CASTOR
will be asked to officiate in McArthur's
corner, and dub paragrapher inter-
mittently employed about this office
will pull the gong and the gate receipts,
while Morris Jenkins pulls the house.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

Hsw to get the famous buffaloes to
TOPEKA was a problem that sorely
taxed the city commissioners and
Commissioner Bone in particular. But
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

1t appears that the Camorrists are
In the majority in Italy. No less than
5000 of them are said to be in Naples
alone
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

The u. S. officers don't know what 20
do with the Mexican officers who ran
across the line to escape the rebels, and
as u. S. army officers make It a prac-
tice to disregard all good advice from
civilians, it is probable that they VIII
scorn our suggestion to chase 'em DICK
again.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-18

when a woman marries," says
Hondo Murphy, ''she takes her nus
bands name. If she would stop az
that.-but she doesn't; she takes such
@ her tunk as he happens to have on
hand, or accumulates subsequent there
to-