davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-11-15

The old, old story, tod times with
out number. and repeated over and
ever again for the last So years. but it
is always q welcome story to those in
search OF health. There is nothing in
the world that cures coughs and colds
so quickly rs Chamberlain's Cough
Remedy. Sold by all druggists
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-11-15
The Theatre
AT THE ILLINOIS

AT THE ILLINOIS.
Nov. 1S-"Uncle Toms Cabin"
Nov. 21-"The Fortune Hunter"
Nov. 24-"The Deep Purple"
Nov. 26-"Get Rich Quick Walling.
lord"
Nov. 2S-'Polly of the Circus"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-11-15

The business mems gymnasium class
at the Y. VI. c. A. broke its record
Yesterday afternoon. Every man en-
rolled in the class was present, and
two new ones entered. making it the
largest class of business men for the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-11-15

Work in the y. NJ. c. 4. gymnasium
is now beginning 10 be directed toward
an exhibition which is to be given ear
ly in December. The classes are doing
a quality of work that will show up
well in exhibition, and the physical di-
rector is planning for a program that
will be exceedingly attractive. Rep
resentatiyes from each class will be
drilled in special stunts for the per
Torrance. showing the line of work
that IS being done in class. There vii
be apparatus work. mass drills, and fan
cy acts. The performance will be run
on the entertainment plan, with many
amusing features. and ought to attract
a large attendance OF the friends of
the show. A small admission fee will
probably be charged. the proceeds to
apply toward the purchase of supplies
for the regular basket ball teams
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-11-15
At Y. M. G. A.

The working boys had an attend
ance last evening equal to their high
est previous record, with 80 on the
floor Their basketball games result
ed as follows: Green, 10, Vi. White,
8; Orange, i, vs.. Red, 0.
The membership campaign slowed
up u little yesterday, only five appli-
cations being brought in during the
day. The total membership ~ the
association last night was 3G1, which
IS climbing well along toward the high
mark OF last year.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-11-15

season The noise and fun were equal
to the attendance. A significant thing
about this class is the fact that every
man who has attended once has come
again and has seemed to enjoy the
work fully. The class meets every
Tuesday and Friday at Sis.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-11-15

All tie news ali the time-The
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
SHE HOLDS IT UP TO THE
BAD PROVIDER
Loretta's Looking Glass

sharpened. The worst that you think
and feel is not bad enough to fill the
measure Of condemnation which your
BAD PRov1DER merits. He Is a
churlish eurmudgeon. He is engaged in
the despicable and unremunerative bus
mess Of squeezing blood from a turnip.
You are the turnip. And he will keep
on with his fiendish extortion as long
as you continue to play turnip. Such
q hideous hunks of q man needs to
be shown his duty. II he cannot see 1t,
then some one must open his eyes.
Those two children whom you must
clothe from bargain counters are his,
as we'll as yours. The glory of sacri-
ficing for them can become too much
of a good thing when the mother does
IT all.
1 would be willing to wager that you
were an ignorant little girl when you
married. You didn't know how to do
a thing" And this naturally skin
fiinty partner Of yours began then to
The Washington times., 1911-07-13

silk worms have got a night shift on
trying to keep UP with the demand for
their product. But I've been expect
ing somethin' like this for some time
1t used to be we would sort OF ohuckle
with glee when we went to a theater
and saw a little sOubrette come in and
dust the furniture and swish her mod
est little skirts and give US a flash at
the hosiery and lingeres. We thought
we were goin' some But then came
the extravaganzas and musical come
dies, and they do say that they had to
put the orchestras under the stages to
make 'em pay.
Take 1t From Me
But take 1t from me, kid, they did
it so that they could put seats right
up close TO stage and sell 'em for
advanced prices. Now we have the
poetry of motion dancers and the Sa-
lomY wiggles within easy distance.
But I think I'll have to go over to
the big time. It must be a sight to
see the actorettes made up for the
parts minglin' with the audience. Be-
lieve me, next year you'll be able to
buy a seat on the stage for any of
the undressed musical shows. Bucoliof
Bucolic Babylonian bull con-"
The Washington times., 1911-07-13

regard you as a sort of non compos
mentis.> But his methods have forced
you to learn. You OUGHT TO HAVE
DONE IT BEFORE YOU MARRIED!
But now 1t is time for you to say,
Mr.. Closef1st, the running of our homo
is too expensive. 1t is costing my
health. my dignity, my influence with
the children, and theiE ideal OF what
home should be. You pursue business
methods in your business: and then
In applying the same tactics 20 the
which you are the head. have learned
through bitter experience Sow little 1t
takes to run our home in money. But
1 have paid in far more valuable ways.
A Niggardly Tyrant
Now, from today. I shall spend more
money and LESS Of the other price,
less things. I want to keep my health
to grow up to respect you as a man
you are a niggardly tyrant, who forces
their mother to be a slave I will not
allow myself to indulge the mistaken
notion that 1 am serving them by prov
ing to them that their mother is
groveler and a half-idiot. If you can
not see things my way once, We will
dissolve the partnership that you abuse.
the HOME THAT YOU DESECRATD." I"
It's a clear business proposition Make
It that way. Don't blnbber! II your
scrubby old scrimp Of a husband does
not see 1t, shall be surprised
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

IT see,'' said the stage struck youth,
that one Of the New York roofs is con-
Quoting q model farm with a lot OF
suffragette farmers"
Yep replied the s. D. K. High up
above the reek of the gay automobiles
there fs a little green spot that great
many Of the wiseheimers are fallin' for.
They do be tellin' me that there is real
dirt on the roof, not the kind that
comes out of the chirnneys and dfrties
up your clean collars, but the real dirt
that they grow things in.
Bucolic With a Big B
They've gone after bucoho with a
big B. Why, there's lot Of people in
the big town that never saw milk in
the original package. But most of
them live over on the east side and
doubt If they'll be among the crowd
that's liable to give up two bones to
see a broiler in an abbreviated cos
tune and silk stockings take 1t away
from q complacent cud chewer.
Then there's a bunch of these gentle
farmeresses clad in blue denim over
aIls cut scant across the travel pockets
movdn' around promiscuous like among
the audience. But they all wear the
stockings of silk and TIL bet the little
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

chips, and its hard and, and haven't
got time to teech you
Aftir suppir four men calm and they
had chips and kards and awl, and they
awl took awf thare cotes and smoaked
until thare was moar smoak than air
In the sitting room. 1t sertadnly was Q
funny way to play old maids. bekaus
nobody evir sed anything about the
old maid and I watched hard. but I
dident see enybody get the old maid.
I started to ask pop ware the old maid
calm in and he sed to go out and play,
so I went downstairs and looked out
the parlor windo.
Aftir a vile who shood 1 see koming
up the streat but ma. Hears ma, I
kalled upstares to pop, shes fine at old
maids.
Who's playing old maids, sed ma Jest
koming in the frunt doar.
Pop and 4 men, I sed, only thares
chips in 1t and its hard. Go avn up
and beet them awl, 1 sed
But ma Jest looked in the sitting room
doar on her way upstares, and sed,
mothir IL bettir. and pritty soon awI
the men went hoam very quiet. And
evry time 1 sed enything about old
maids aftir that pop looked so mad
dident finish It, but ma kept avn tawk-
ing about old maids until pop sed he
won 10 dolllrs in the gain and gave
II to ma and then ma dtdent say eny
moar about 1t eether.
The Washington times., 1911-07-13

Yesttdday ma went to her mothirs
wich is my granmothirs, bekaus my
granmothir was sick. on akkount OF
not fealing very well.
will keap house. sed pop, but 1 ex'
peckt to have a pritty loansoam time
Are you going to stay awl mite.
Yes. sed ma, Ill stay awl mite avn
akkount Of the kar connexshuns.
CESS 1t will be pritty loansoam for you
in the house awl alone, but I CESS you
can stand II for onse, deer.
Ma Goes
So ma went to my granmothirs and
pop began kalling up avn the telefons
Hello, Bill, he sed, the furst time he
Ikailed up. Somebody wont be hosn
tonite and I thawt Id get up a mise Ht-
tie gain. and the sekind time he sed
the same thing, ony starting 1t ewt
with hello Tom, and the third time he
sed the saim thing ony starting 1T awf
with hello John. and saying Bring Lew
with you.
A Mise littel gain Of wat, pop. I sed
A Mise littel gain OF old maids, sed
pop.
Can I play. sed. no how.
No, pop sed. this Is old maids with
The Washington times., 1911-07-13

weekg"-they haven't been married
much moro than weeks-''for devtled
eggs," she gurgles. do you keep
themP''
Do we keep deviled eggs! Jumping
cook books, do we! But 1 was patient
with her. Anything with dimples like
that can make a fool out of me any
time she darn pleases. I told her how
TO mash up the eggs with seasoning
I'm right there in the fancy cookery
hne-and she bought a dozen eggs and
toddled out with them
A couple Of hours later she came
back all weepy and told me hadn't
told her right at all, and she'd got
ths kitchen all messy. Shed tried to
make the things without hard-boihng
the eggsI Ker flop!
The Washington times., 1911-07-13

THERE is a letter here on my desk
that would make any woman
grind her teeth with rage, and
any fair-minded man hunt up a buggy
whip. 1t is from the wife of a BAD
PROVIDER.
Il cannot get money enough to dress
haunt remnant sales and 'Going=out-of-
business places of torment. If the
grocery bill runs a few dollars larger
than usual, am treated to a dressing
down that makes me boil with indig
nation. I try to explain that we have
had guests, men that he brought home
to dinner. but 1t does no good. II
should set out a dinner that embar-
rassed him before his friends, I'd get
scolded for that I am never allowed
to have money enough to feel comfort
able. The bills all go through
his hands and are settled by
him. This makes me seem like
nonentity to the butcher, the
baker and the rest. If II were not for
the children, 1 would not continue to
endure 1t. It's too humiliating. You,
Loretta, are always patting men on the
back wish you could know this crea-
ture who makes the life of one of your
sisters q perfect torment. I guess you
would sharpen your pencil and make
few punctures in him. I wish you
would do 1t without knowing him.
should like to read in print what I
should say IN speech II dared.
IAN ABUSED WIFE"
All right, Abused Wife, my pencil Is
The Washington times., 1911-07-13

Harold Hummingbird mad asked her to
come to his manly breast and she had
come to 1t. They were engaged.
Doctor" besought the distracted
mother, tell US. Is she losing her
mind? How strangely she talksi
Speak to her"
How do you feel, my dearr' asked
the doctor kindly.
''Tootsums mootsulns tweetie." an
swered the beautiful creature dreamily.
IT'S case of lunacy. pure and SIM
ple," said the doctor.
Especially simple" walled ths
mother
Harold Hummingbird entered. Pre-
ciums babykins lummeP' he cried rap
turously, and as the fair girl fell into
his arms. she nun .nured "Kissums
Ioveykins."
And leaving them thus, they stole
out Of the room, knowing that all was
we'll
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
THOUGHT 1T POVERTY

Seeing a tramp hurrying away from
a large house. a fellow professional
asked him what luck he had met
with. "It amt wort askin' there" 7"
was the reply. II just 'ad q peep
through the winder. It's & poverty
stricken 'ouse, mate. There was acshully
two ladies playin' on one pianerr'
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
EXACTLY TRUE

Sometimes q virtue can be exag
gerated until 1t becomes a vice." said
the earnest adviser.
"I see exactly what you're comm
at" replied Tarantula Tim. Whereas
four aces Is a blessin' an greatly to
be admired, five of 'em kin create un-
told dissension."
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
Snapped With
Humor'S Camera
ONLY NATURAL

The Mother-You haven't seen the
| baby beforei what do you think OIL
hIm7
The visitor-Remarkably fine child,
madam; remarkably fine. Takes after
you. madam. to q remarkable degree.
absolutely remarkable. so, of course, II
he wasn't a remarkably fne child It
would be remarkable.
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
Retire to Thy Tent
And Camp on These
ENGLISH Joke FOR TO-DAY

There are blissful moments when the
hot weather paragraphist lays down
his pen and feels that. for once In q
way, comment is a faulty.
And the writer, reaching for the
whisky decanter, plucks the seftzer
from the toe pail, and waits the while
you digest the following little slice of
raw realism from the advertisement
columns Of the South Wales Echo:
House to house canvassers wanted.
Must speak Welsh, and be able TO go
away."-The Pink I'm.
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
To Create Envy

There is no use giving you a
check, my dear. My bank account is
overdrawn."
Well, give 1t to me, anyway,
George. And say make 1t for $500.
I want to pull 1t out Of my shopping
bag with my handkerchief at the
bridge game this afternoon"
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
In the IaiI

Mr.. Goodsole-You should form good
associations and stick to them. Those
friends I have made have been bound
to me as with links Of steel
Percy Pikepounder-Yes, sir 1 wunst
worked In a chain gang meself.
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
No Doctor Needed;
Or, NobodV'S CraZy

She was a luscious beauty. but they
feared she was losing her mind. shs
talked so! And 1t was the greatsr
pity because, only the night before.
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
For Something To Eat

Ragged Robert-Wot yer doin?
Mouldy Mike-Im layin' wild my head
in der sun, SOS to get meself sunburnt
'Wot's tn game nowT'
There's a temperance feedin' place
around tn corner, an tn redder a
mans nose tn more sympathy he git" !"
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
WHEN NOAH WAS A BOY

He used to stay out late nights and
his mother used to stand by the clock
and worry. The pendulum used to
get on her nerves dreadfully, and
that's quite surprising, as clocks
were not yet invented. 81
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
On Women's Clubs

Il attended a session of my wife's
culture club last evening"
What did the ladies discuss?
Henry VIII Also some fresher
scandal"
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
Our Grocery Clerk
Says, Another Bull

The newly welded peach has been at
Il again Yep. you've got 1.-THE dim
ply one
MY husband has been after me for
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
Wouldn't Need a Yard

D&ughter-Papa, the stuff I want my
new bathing suit made of costs SO a
yard.
Her Daddy-weT, here's dollar-get
what you want. my dear.
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
Easily Flattered

."Is he easily hattered7'
WELL. he actually believes the kind
words that the toastmaster says about
him when introducing him for q
speech"
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
AS Ii Goes

He always was a bad egg, but no
body seemed to notice while he was
rich"
Yes, he was all right until he was
broke"
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
For Others Sakes

Mrs.--Before we were married you
said there was not another woman
like me!
Mr-.Yes. and I'm glad of it. for
the sake Of other men.
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
Didn't Rathe

'T haven't seen very much of you
since I've been here, Miss Lubberly." +"
'.Noa Well-aw-the fact is, don't
-aw-I don't care much about sea
bathing"
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
THE. NEW RELIGIONS
And Their Followers
Commente On
BY PEGGY VAN BRAAM

AUGHT by the fure/Qf the occult yelling as 1t
does harsh With glamour of mysticism,
II of young girls and every
~ the whirpools of so-cailed 4ew
EK"tS Of followers Of
HfM Nm God man." from which in time they
AlfS ~ broken in body and spirit, full of shame
and horror the scales have fallen from their
$ and they the rites and the religion In its
true form
~@@zzEA Within the past few months the veil has
= stripped from nearly half dozen such
revealing untold horrors in the lives Of the young
- girls who followed trustfuly blinded by the
of occult crowded held
their belief in the leaders of the
of these girls pitfalls which their
older widely
every need repeating but of them the
question, "Why?"
"Why should&such things hold aluring temptation
womenT
Why should yelling of favor make
and evil AGREED be said kneeng sdoraton
Soul Res teSsness
of the modern
the seeking sensations, the striving after
something outside of the everyday e
a the that still unsoved.
The God has become factor in the feminine
world be ignored and aside but he factor that be
eliminated the temptations he holds be lifted from
girls; and his followers why can't
relgon7
sin either; against
world and Of all yourself your
into the paths where such and terrible blossoms the
catch the unwary,S
been estimated close 100000 Joined
the trains God men" within the Are among
hem2
The Washington times., 1911-07-13
NJ A ME ELLIS BELLE
1t Didn't Use to Be In
The Good Old Days, But Now
IT'S WRONG TO KISS BABY

: !: :: . i: !:
rSk many real old people alive there
| ZR2RH | when l kid That wasn't either
l0SkE = with Sc.
lENES But since the invention o germs and mi
I4pSA crobes and bacteria, don't bIeve people have
| RN lived to be quite old they used / guess
NNN57S the doctor and the have told en much
HAE about the frghtfly unsanitary conditions that
| IN red along their fathers and mothers old
that naturally death.
9x=9 It's awful to be bitten by the bacteria bug,
- . Belle. Mrs. Flynn is She developed the bite by
readn " tertue the subject while tryin find
out Just what this sanitary method brngn babies all about
Wants to Kiss the Flynn Baby
overt Fynns last night somehow other when
the baby seized foolish irresistible desire kiss
It. 1t shock Belle because don't remember
expeencn desire kiss baby before They
geny look funny that though I'm sometimes with
desire tickle I've kiss before
was Just about half when Mrs Flynn screech
could a heard for a block
Dont she yells "DontI For mercys sake don't kiss hinnF'
Hurt your she Hurt you! 1t might kill the baby!
And then she long talk about microbes and babies Il
that kiss anybody else the microbes won't take advantage
maybe the poor hdn never get over it
o don't remember much about it, Belle being
rather at the time but that when baby
the neighbors used spend half their h They
home that simply couldn't be resisted And do look if I'm
dyn from it? If the Flynn baby asbu there there,
Belle, never to brsg.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-05-12
J. H. EYCLESHYMER
DIES OF APOPLEXY
Aged Man SuccuInbs 10 the Hand of
Death.

Friday morning at five o'clock John
II. Eycleshymer died at his home on
Toledo avenue. as "A result OF an apo
plectic stroke, Mr.. Eycleshymer had
been in failing health for some years,
but was not thought to he seriously III
until few days ago, Mr. Eycleshy-
mer was born in New York in 1886
In July. 1885, he was united I'm mar
riage with Mrs. Clara Sautter. II
1901 Mr.. aud Mrs. Eyeleshymer moved
10 Marion, whore the husband follow
ed the carpenter trade. Mrs. Eycle
shymer survives the death of her hus
band.
Funeral services will he held at tn,
residence. sunday morning, at S:4'
o'clock. Rev. II. Livingstone will of
fieiatc. Later, the. remalps will b'
taken to- Delaware for. interment.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-05-12
BUFFALO TONGUES.
Tho 6iaeItfoot Indians ussd to Turn
Them Into Hairbrushes.


"Walrus whisker toothplcks and buf-
falo tongue halrbrushes" the explorer
cried.
And he displayed a packet Of black
toothplcks tied with n strip of red raw
hide and dat black halrbrush that
seemed nodded out Of rubber.
"These two articles said the ex-
plorer, "nre Of strictly native man
ufacture- American manufac-
ture, Take the toothpicks first They
are made by the Indians Of Alaska.
The Indians, whenever they kill wal
rus. pluck from his face his long and
stiff whlskers. cure them and ship
them to the Chinese At every fash
ionable Chinese dinner you will see
the stately mandarins between each
course picking their teeth with these
walrus whlsker toothpicks.
Its the Blaclifoot Indians who use
buffalo tongue halrbrushes A buf'
falo's tongue is rough. The spines on
II make very good hairbrush bristles.
And these bristles I'm Blackfoot brush
don't come out, for the Blackfoot sim
ply skins his buffalo tongue, cuts It In
hairbrush shape, cures 1t, and there
you are.
Every Blackfoot In the past had his
buffalo hairbrush. But those days are
gone-gone with the buffalo herds
and where In the fifties you could buy
good buffalo tongue brush ON the
plains for ladle of puppy dog stew l
doubt II you could get one now for q
keg Of frewater. r."-WashingtOn Post.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-05-12
STOPPING A N0sEBLEED.
BY This Method II Is Simply a Matter
of imagination.

In many experiments carried on dur
ing the last few years it has been as
certained that the mind controls TO
wonderful extent the How of blood to
any particular part OF the body. The
following experiment has been tried
as many rs ten times by nae and has
not failed once.
When the nose starts 10 bleed, inn
mediately persuade yourself to believe
that you are running with all your
might up the stecpest fight OF steps
you can think OF or UP q high hill;
that is. just think of doing either of
these things and doing 1t fast Think
at the same time that you are carry
Ing heavy piece. OF baggage with
both hands and add thoughts of any
other bodily exertiop, You viii be sur
yriscd at the quickness with which
four trouble ends.
The explanation is that when We
ieally start TO run more blood Is given
TO the arteries supplying the muscles
of the legs than they were receiving
while at rest. This has been proved.
As theasame thoughts IN the mind pro.
duce approximately the same bodily
effects. IL one merely thinks to run.
but does not run, the blood will 20 To
the legs anyhow and away from the
head, as desired.
There are many common experiences
OF secretlons started by thoughts. II
one looks at lemon and thinks OF
sucking It his mouth Immediately
waters, and have no doubt that many
people who read this will have their
mouths watering from the simple
reading. Lawrence Hodges in Chicago
Record Herald.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-05-12
rha nlif.ranen M sn..d.

The professor of shorthand IN locn
business college adduced this unnn
swerable argument Ia en- address 10 a
new class the other day:
eve are told that Il took Gray. au
thor OF the well known 'Ielegy In q
Country. Churcbyard.' seven years 4
write that famous nnep. II be bad
known steAosrapby bo could have done
II In seven minutes. We have gradu
ates who have done that same poem
in that lepgtb of time,"-cleyeland
Plain Dealer, ~