The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1911-09-25
PANTRIEs ENGLAND,s CARE
Thirty.Day War Would Cause a
Famine in Great Britain.
IKoncoo CSA,, ck.-

~ OADE
A Thlrty.Day War Would Cause .
Famine In Great Britain.
(Kansas City Starr
Some morning." said the hotel lob
by orator as he took his feet off the
WINDOW Sill and put them in q chair.
"yo are going to pick your paper
ana read that the British government
a put London on rations-two
ounces OF bread and 'alf q pint Of
ale"
well, what's the answer?" Rrowled
the man who was opening his mail.
as the orator paused. "We're LISTEN
ing"
"The answer is that otherwise that
little island will starve to DEATH"
said the orator. They've Just had q
railroad strike over there-lasted a
couple OF days, I believe, and in those
few hours Of interrupted traffic Lon
don ate up all the bologna In town,
and they were about to put the king
on q diet Of oatmeal water when the
strikers accepted terms and let a flour
train come through from Liverpool.
II a three-day strike will do that to
London. what would thirty days of
war do to the British Isles?"
by jing, I never thought Of It in
that way" said the fat man who had
just eaten q So breakfast and was
walking for an So room and bath.
"Of course, you never thought of
It," said the orator. "You live in a
country where millionaires go broke
trying to get a ifteen-minute corner
on wheat. Just when they think they
have bought all there is the office boy
comes in to say there's $4,000, 900
bushels more in Kansas that had been
overlooked. But it's different with
John Bull. He can't keep enough food
in the pantry to carry his family over
Sunday, and when company drops in
Unexpectedly for dinner he has to
send over to Canada for another shil-
ling's worth of chuck steak"
"It had been my impression" said
the man with the check suit, that
England raised quite a little wheat
at home"
"Sure she raises quite little
wheat" said the orator, but she eats
quite q little more. Look at her size,
man, and then look at her population.
England, Scotland and Wales have
some 8 5000 square miles and a popu-
lation Of some $4,000, 900, I'm leaving
ireland out because II England were
cut of from the world she'd be cut
of from Ireland, too.
Leaving out Andy Carnegie's back
yard and the other little patches of
ground the nobility and landlord class
have fenced off to chase foxes in, how
much do you reckon is left to grow
loaves of bread on for those 37,000,-
900 to eat? There isn't but 10,000,0 900
acres of arabic land in the islands.
and you'd faint. if 1 told you how
much of it was in golf links. private
manors and shooting preserves.
There's less than 1900, 900 acres in
wheat. That leaves Mr.. Bull some
100000. 900 bushels to import each
year, If he counts on eating bread
three times a day. Why, England
can't eat breakfast mornings until the
boat from Kansas gets in. Build Q
fence around his dinky little island.
and he'd be eating his shoes in six
weeks"
Nobody seems eager to take over
the Job Of building that fence.
though" said the man in the check
suit.
"No, England's too good a custom
err" said the orator. "and the rest OF
the world would rather sell her gro
ceries than fight her. But don't you
forget 1t there are statesmen in Eu-
rope sitting up right now trying to
figure out a profit in holding up john
nv Bulls -four and bacon, and just
as soon as they can make his ledger
show over in the red, they'll try it
Wars a money-making game these
days, and the nation that holds a
pawn ticket for London could raise
enough on it to pay several weeks Of
war. Go and show German Willie
how he can make England scrape the
bottom of the corn-meal bin in thirty
days and he'll give you the Order of
the Iron Mitt."
"Shucks, England knows all about
that" said the fat man. That's why
she keeps a navy bigger'n any two in
Europe"
Sure, she knows it," retorted the
orator. 81 amt saying she doesn't.
am I? I'm telling you the whole of
British craftsmanship consists in
providing a months supply of food
ahead. Them Johnnies know where
they're at. Did you notice how quici
the government jumped in and settled
that strike? They had to or put the
kings family on one meal a day. Ii
they hadn't started those trains wher
they did you would have een dukes
and earls out chasing rabbits. over
there baronial estates by this time.
and there would have been oatmeal
riots in Glasgow"
whats to be done about it," asked
the man in the check suit, in IN awed
voice.
IF I was prime minister of Eng
land l know what I'd do" the orator
said. I'D send the house of lords
home and make every belted orc of
them grow potatoes on his golf links
4 alaa:> -. liz la-.D