New-York tribune., 1911-11-16
THE TiIK or THE DAY.

\ visit 10 New York's Bureau of Nat
uralization il always productive OF a good
smile Recently man with name some
thing like Zebritskowylitis told his friends
he had been I'm this country long enough
TO warrant him In taking out his citizen
ship papers
Sign your name for me-" said friend
who pretended to have influence with the
powers that bc--enough TO expedite matters
and I'll see that you're pushed in"
The man OF the long name wrote it upon
a piece OF paper and prefxcd it simply
with the initials "a. B."
Write out your full name" said his
friend.
THAT 1t is" said the foreigner who would
vote
NO; mean spell out your given name"
"a. b. is all there is OF IL. You should
know the hoys they call me Aby."
Sure: but that's short for Abraham"
said the friend.
NO" he insisted; 1T are my full name
Just them letters"
'Aw," butted in a man standing near,
'all the letters Of the alphabet are used p
in his last name. and you ought to know
Nh'i' ci'li any l'll u lIdh' uN Il ElNtU
name!"
Hook-Guzzler says he doesn't believe i'm
drowning bis sorrow in the flowing bowl
Nye-No. nothing less than a hogshead
would do for Philadelphia Record.
THE people who had the coveted 'privi-
iege Of the stage I'm the days of our par
cnts used TO tell about the chorus women
Killing time between calls with knitting
and sewing. They would open their eyes
wide IL they could get a peep behind the
scenes in one of the great vaudeville
houses of London to-day" says letter
from that city. where the managers have
provided for the spare time of the enter
tainers. There are tea rooms for the
women where comfortable furniture and
rugs take the places of the rckety chairs
ant bare floors Of long ago. For the men
there are club rooms where between turns
one may see artists I'm all the various
branches Of the profession at billiards.
pool, bridge or chess. trained nurse and
a physician are always within call and the
management provides a school where the
Stage children are educated while mamma
dances and sings and papa does his share
toward the entertainment"
Wime-Dld baby come from heaven,
nurse?
Willie-Fool kid He didn't know when
he was well oh.-Boston Transcript.
THE RISE IN PRICEs-RELIEF AT
BOTH ENDS.
The cost of living's going up,
It's higher every day;
TO get a decent bite and sup
There's now the Deuce to pay.
With ono Almighty Dollar" see
How little can be bought;
And schemes to save little cash
Have cost a lot of thought.
But I've evolved first rate plan
To dodge the tradesmcns greed.
And. without running into debt.
To get a decent feed.
With braised calves heads and oxtail soup
Ny dinner is complete
And so / win. both heads and tails
BY making both ends meat.
Another Of our pet locutions impaired by
modern progress. To "go up I'm smoke"
may now merely refer to an aviator max
ing an ascent in Pittsburgh.-B0ston Tran
script
November . was kept tho Jour des
Morts'' i'm Paris and all the cemeteries
vere filed by friends and relatives of the
dead, who set aside the day especially for
paying tribute TO their lost ones There
Is one cemetery on the lie des Ravageurs,
between Asnieres and Cllchy, which.
though It contains no human remains"
says correspondent OF The London
Standard" was visited by many. and re-
ceived its share OF wreaths and tears This
is the metropolis for animals, in which lie
buried $40 dogs. S95 cats. 10 parrots s
cccks and hens. pigeons, . goats, a lion.
a panther, a calf and a goose Last year
NJ Lepine, the Prefect Of Police. rented a
pot in this island on purpose for his police
dogs, and the first one already has his
tomb there with the inscription: Leo, a
police dog, killed in the execution Of his
duty, November. 19l0.'
Harduppe-Is Wigwag honest?
BorroWell-Well, he came around TO my !
house the other day and stole an umbrella
had borrowed from him.-Philadelpha
Record