davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-01-10
Money Loaned.

~~~~-~-~~~->-~~~~~--- ~~~~>~-r~~-~~~-~~~~~~~-~~
MONEY TO LOAN On real estate and
chatteis. Ford Gotten, rooms and 9,
Buckler. Bell 114S.
MONEY TO LOAN on city and country
real estate. 6 percent interest per year.
Call on or write.
The Southern Loan & Trust Co..
Room 9, Buckler Bldg. FL PaSo. Texas.
STRONG TEXAS PRIVATE BANK is in
position to handle some good loans.
either large or small, on ranches, farms.
improved city property or cattle. Full
particulars must accompany applica-
ton. Address box d So. care this
pa per.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-01-10

Professional.
DR. w. r. WEEKS. Chronic Diseases.
SEE FOREST FOR BETTER GLASSES.
Rooms 511-512 Trust Building.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-01-10
Rooms. Board. Etc

FOR RENT-Large front room 100
N Florence
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-01-10
For Sale or Exchange.

TO TRADE for work teams, good va
cant lots. some with cottages on them.
Phone 1925
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-01-10

FOR SALE OR ExCHANGE-40 acres
of land in Los Angeles county, Cal. Call
10 San Antonio.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-01-10

AN ELECTRICAL engineer wants a DO
Sition, seven years experience with
electricity and twenty with steam. Ad-
dress 1903 Cotton Ave.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-01-10

Cheap. Kindling from Calisher fire.
Big loads. Only $500 per load. Get
your oorder in early. Only a limited
amount left. Sorenson & Morgan. 319h
Texas. Bell phone 1850
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1911-01-10

mEN-Our illustrated catalog explains
how we teach barber trade in few
weeks. mailed free. Moler Barber Col
1ege. Fort Worth Tex
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
Ono of 1yron's Jokes.

Byron had given to Murray. his pub
Usher. as birthday present Bible,
magnitcently bound, which he enrich.
ed by very fattering inscription.
This was laid by the grateful pub
fisher In his drawing room table and
somewhat ostentatiously displayed to
all Corners.
One evening as large company
were gathered around the table one
of the guests happened TO open the
Testament and saw some writing on
the margin. Calling to Murray. he
said, why. Byron has written some
thing here" Narrower inspection
proved that the profane wit had eras-
ed the word "robber" in the text and
substituted that of publisher" so that
the passage read thus: Now, Barab-
has was publisher"
The legend goes on to state that the
book disappeared that very night from
the drawing room table.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
PUZZLED THE LINGUlST.
A Hindu Dialect Story That Appeared
In the London Times.

In the London Times.
John Walter of the London Times
once found unique way out of diff
Guilty brought about by strike of
compositors and pressmen. At the
critical moment, 1t appears, the copy"
fell short by half column. There was
none at hand ready to utilize, and time
pressed. II was really an inspiration
that came to Walter He laid hold OF
a column of 'pi' Spilled type that has
been reset In n jumbled mass to facili-
tate distribution back into the type
cases) and prepared It In the most ex-
peditious way, so that II might pass
muster for an article In foreign
tongue. He ran 1t IN with few lines
Of introduction, stating that this In
comprehensive mass was paper in
some Hindustanee dialect, translation
of which would follow In due course.
No translation, 1t Is superfiuous to say.
ever appeared.
Many years later, long after Walter
had forgotten this incident, he was Wis
lting In Cheshire, where he was intro
duced to a most learned pundit and
/ oriental scholar. "Ah," said this gen.
tleman, II have long and ardently
wished to solve Il problem that has
puzzled me for years" And he drew
from his pocket tattered clipping OF
Walters 'pI," indicating to the en-
barrassed proprietor of the Times that
the alleged Hindustanee article had
baiiled his most strenuous and assidu-
Gus efforts to decipher, although he
had tried every known dialect Of the
language There was nothing for Wal
ter TO do but fee, which he did with
out ceremony.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
One Recommendation.

The members of political party in n
certain county we're holding a conven-
ton TO nominate candidate for treas
urer. The leading asplrant was man
who had formerly been noted as q
baseball player. He had made a great
record as batsman. but was noto-
'riously slow in running bases. The
men who had placed him in nomina-
ton made speech eulogizlng him as n
man and citizen He was followed
by others in the same vein, and things
seemed to be going smoothly enough
when one of the delegates rose and
said:
'Mr. Chairman, are good men SO
scarce that we have 10 choose base
ball player for the most important Of
fee In the county. involving the han
ding of hundreds Of thousands Of dol
larsg'
"Mr. Chairman" replied the original
mover. st Is true that the candidate
have mentioned was n ball player. but
let me ask you. Mr.. Chairman. Is there
man here who ever knew him to
steal even baseT
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
SUPPOSE.

SUPPOSE, my dear, that you were
~ And by your side your sweetheart
safe;
Suppose you noticed by and by
The distance 'twixt you were too great;
Now tell me, dear what would you do?
know, and SO do you.
A ND when. so comfortably placed,
"A Suppose you only grew aware
That that dear, dainty little waist
OF hers looked very lonely there,
Pray tell me, sooth. what would you do?
know, and so do you.
WHEN. having done what Just did.
w With not a frown to check or chill.
Suppose her red lips seem to bid
Defiance 70 your lordly WILL
oh, tell me, sweet. what would you do?
know. and so do you.
Eugene Field.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
Sens In Verse
OLD FAV0RITES.
"WE MEET UPON THE LEVEL

"WE MEET UPON THE LEVEL
s: IS: J: r. +; 81; =.
w Ing those words Masonic
are!
Come, let us contemplate them; they are
worthy of a thought.
In the very soul of Masonry those pre-
efous words are wrought.
We meet upon the level, though from ev-
cry station come,
The rich man from his mansion and ths
poor man from his home
For the one must leave his heritage out.
side the Mason's door,
While the other finds his best resnect
upon the checkered floor.
We part upon the square, for the world
must have its due
We mingle with the multitude, a faithful
band and true
But the influence of our gatherings in
memory is green,
And we long upon the level to renew the
happy scene.
There's world where all are equal; we
are Journeying toward it fast
we Shall meet upon the level there when
the gates of death are past
We shall stand before the orient and our
Master will be there
To try the blocks we offer with his own
unerring square
we shall meet upon the level there, but
never thence depart.
There's mansion-'tis all ready for each
faithful. trusting heart
There's a mansion and a welcome, and a
multitude Is there
Who have met upon the level and been
tried upon the square.
Let us meet upon the level, then while
laboring patient here.
Let us meet and let us labor though the
labor be severe.
Already In the western sky the signs bid
us prepare
To gather up our working tools and part
upon the square.
Hands round, We faithful Masons, in the
bright, fraternal chain!
We part upon the square below to meet
in heaven again.
Oh, what words of precious meaning those
words Masonic are
We meet upon the level, and we part upon
the squarei
Robert Morris.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
TO A FRIEND.

NV lettering rills
M The need of human love we
w little noted.
Our love was nature, and the
peace that floated
On the white mist and dwelt upon the
hills
To sweet accord subdued our hayward
Wills.
One soul was ours, one mind, one heart
devoted.
That, wisely doting asked why not 1t
dotted.
And ours the unknown Joy, which know
ing kills.
But now find how dear thou vert to
me.
That man is more than half Of natures
treasure.
OF that fair beauty which no eye can
see,
OF that sweet music which no ear can
measure,
And now the streams may sing for others
pleasure,
The hills sleep on in their eternity:
Hartley Coleridge.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
THE SHIPS COURSE.
II Startled the Salt Water Sailor o.
Lake MICHIGAN.


Lake Michigan.
The skipper of the Il. W. Oliver
was In a reminiscent mood as he sat
In the hotel window watching the
many theater lovers wade through the
mud on their way to the brilliantly
lighted entrance
THAT long. slim fellow there re-
minds me of the Waterman / had on
the ship last year." he said. HE was
city bred, but when he came on board
the ship would not admit he was any
thing but a salt water sailor. / first
saw him on the fo'c's'le slushing down
the deck ! asked him where he came
from
~ just blew in from salt water he
replied. and | knew In a minute he
was handing me bunk.
He was so willing to show be knew
everything that we fixed up joke on
him when he was casting the lead up
on Superior In a fog. The mate left
him casting on the fo'c's'le, calling the
depth and tasting the butter to place
the location, In the end of the lead
there was tallow to catch the soil on
the lake bottom. BY the soil we could
tell where we were at
.'rhe new Waterman heaved the
lead The mate stepped forward and
when the lead came over the side SUBJ
siituted one which he had heated to
redhot color In the furnace at the place
where the tailow was placed.
"'How deep is it?' ! cried
"'About FIVE fathoms.' he answered
What's on the butter?' | called.
"He brought the lead to his lips,
touched his tongue to the hot tip and
jumped foot In the air. dropping the
lead on the mates foot
"Great heavens. captain. stop the
shipr he beloved. We will all be In
hell in five minutes Milwaukee Free
Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
settIino n all.

When Andrew Jackson lived at
Salisbury, N. O.. he once attended
court at Rockford, then the county
seat of Surry, and left without paying
his bill, which was duly charged up
against him on the hotel register,
which seems to have been the hotel
ledger at that time. and so stood for
many years. When the news Of the
victory OF the 9Th of January, 1915.
was received in this then remote sec
ton the old landlord turned back the
leaves of the register, took his pen
and wrote under the account against
Andrew jackson. Settled In full! by
the battle of New Orleans"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
The RISING TIDE.

THHE hope of truth grows stronger
day by day.
l hear the soul of man around
II me waking
Like a great sea, its frozen fet-
ters breaking
And flinging up to heaven its sunlit spray,
Tossing huge continents in scornful play
And crushing them with din of grinding
thunder
That makes old emptinesses stare In won
der
The memory of a glory passed away
fingers in every heart, as. in the shell,
Resounds the bygone freedom of the sea.
And every hour new signs of promise tell
That the great soul shall once again be
free,
For high and yet more high the murmurs
swell
OF inward strife for truth and liberty.
James Russell Lowell
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
The Scottish View.

How an English church service
struck the Scottish Presbyterian of the
ffties OF the last century is told in
There was the twa O. them, cried
one of her Scottish handmaidens in
mingled terror and Indignation, relaps-
ing into the broadcast vernacular, 'thae
twa men. dressed DOT like folk AT a
fair bowin to each ither an answer
in each ither across the table and the
rest cryiD over an over, The Lord
ha naircy upon u.s.! An a the time
there was the organ bnmmiD' ava
overhead. Mel thocht 1t was the
theaterp"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
Men Wanted.

Two lrishmen died. One went to
heaven. and the other went to the other
place. Mike called down from heaven
and asked Pat how he was getting
along Pm shoveling COAL" said Pat.
DO you have to work very hardY"
Not very" he said: we have shifts.
work only about three hours n day"
Pat then inquired or Mike how he was
making IL Pm sweeping down the
golden stairs do you have to work
very hardY Yes" said Mike Il
have To work eighteen hours day
We're short ot men up here. -" Missouri
Sharps hOoter
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
They Traded Horses.

1.-TWO Oklahoma palefaces once
hunted in my camp" said an Indian
who had high opinion 81 the bust
ness astuleness OF white men. They
spent the evening with me, and. over
the fire and firewater. they began to
barter and traffic and to make deals
and dickers
~'Finally Bill said:
"'Sain. Iets trade hosses-my bay
for your roam.
"'It's q go. Sam agreed. The trades
a go Shake on it. partner
"They shook hands Then Bill said
with loud laugh:
"'Sam, I've bested ye this time My
boss is dead Died yesterday
SOS mine dead said Sam. Died
this mornin And, what's more. I've
took his shoes off,"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
viii,

Will
There is no chance. no destiny. no fate,
Can circumvent or hinder or control
The firm resolve of a determined soul.
Gifts count for nothing. WIN alone Is
great
All things give way before 1t soon or late.
What obstacle can stay tho mighty force
or the sea seeking river In its course
Or cause the ascending orb Of day 20 wait
Each well born soul must win what II de-
serves.
Let the fool pirate of luck. Tho fortunate
Is he whose earnest purpose never swerves.
Whose slightest action or inaction serves
The one great aim. Why, even death
stands still
And waits an hour sometimes for such O
will.
ELLA Wheeler Wilcox.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
A Tnunh Meal.

Tastes differ strangely from age tc
age Flamingoes' tongues are said to
have been an epicurean luxury in Ro-
man days, but the authors Of "Unex-
plored Spain, who experimental with
them, found no pleasure in the meal.
1.-THE tongue" they say. sis thick
heshy organ. filling the whole cavity
OF the mandibles. and furnished with
series OF flexible, bony spikes or
hooks nearly half an inch long and
curving inward. We found them quite
tough as india rubber. Even
our dogs refused to eat the delicacy.'"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
THE STRANGER MILDLY PERSISTED.

ing ring at the front door. the man
standing before her asked:
lis the gentleman of the house at
numeY
mo, he Is not" said the widow
shortly
DO you think" the stranger mildly
persisted me would be interested ~ Il
chemical fire extinguisher warranted
to put out the iercest dre II taken IN
he beginnlngF
No replied the widow, deeply
shocked: I'm sure he wouldn't he. for
he's In no need OF one"
rhe agent Is still wondering why she
slammed the door so hard In his face
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
No Quarter Granted.

This story, which is told of Scottish
highlander who served In the French
war. illustrates either the boodthirsti-
ness or the unique ideas OF humor OF
the Scotchman:
This highlander had overtaken fee
ing Frenchman and was about TO
strike him down when. falling on his
knees, the Frenchman cried:
"Quarterl Quarterp
"I'll no ha' time to quarter ye," the
Scot answered IN just cut ye In
tWa"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14

a seat In a tram
car, he un d
himself next to a
stin and pomp-
GUS looking swell.
This didn't dis
concert Pat in
the least, and he
c o m m enced a
one sided CONVEX
sation W 18th his
digni6ed neigh
Dor In q rather
free and sy
style. At length
the mighty one,
raising his eye
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
EASTER HYMN.

CHRIST the Lord has risen today,
~ Sons of men and angels say.
Sing your joys and triumphs Hight
Sing, ye heavens, and earth replyl
+ OWES redeeming work is done,
Fought the fight. the victory
won.
Jesus agony is DER.
Darkness wells the earth no more.
VAIN the stone. the watch, the
seal;
Christ hath burst the gates of hell.
Death in vain forbids him rise.
Christ hath opened paradise
SOAR we now where Christ hath
~ led,
Following our exalted Head.
Made like him, like him we rise;
Ours the cross the grave, the skies.
Charles Wesley.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
Mlssed the Oil Gun.

The motorist emerged from beneath
the car and struggled for breath. His
helpful friend, holding the oil can,
beamed upon him.
"I've Just given the cylinder thor
ough oiling. Dick, old man." said the
helpful friend
"Cyllnder!' said the motorist heated
Iy. THAT wasn't the cylinder; II was
my eari"-L London Tit-Bits
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14

standard of his
thirst for beer.
Il h Is student
the morning aft
er n corps meet
ing, a meeting
whereat he had
drunk by actual
count fifty three
large mugs OF
beer, awoke to
find himself in
bed, but half un.
dressed, with his
fee [ resting on
the pillow.
From the low
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14

SAKE" browS, said:
MY good man,
reserve your conversation for one of
your own equals. I'd have you know
I'm X. c."
At this the countryman stood up
with outstretched hands, exclaiming:
shake hands, namesake. Begorra
I'm Casey meselfp
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14

proaerIv Resented.

An extremely timid widow living
alone In the suburbs of the city was
discover she bad no protector. so she
wasted no words upon them. Answer
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
Fooled!

'"The last time was In New York |
entertained at dinner at swell cafe a
country cousin. When we got outside
he said to me: DO you know you ac-
cidentally dropped so cents on the
table Just as you leftf That thief of
waiter tried to grab it, but | beat
him to it, ~ Atchison Globe.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14

HIS FEET ON THE Pill
footboard The row
student regarded
for moment his large feet propped
side by side on the white pillow. Then
he muttered:
"Himmell Here I've been thinking
all night that had the toothache. and
it's my shoes that have been pinching
me-"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
Spartacus.

Spartacus was a Thracian of noble
birth. While serving as an officer in
an auxiliary corps of the Roman army
he deserted, and. being apprehended,
he was reduced to slavery and made a
gladiator. Escaping, he collected q
body of slaves and gladlators, 20 b. c.,
and ravagcd all southern Italy. de-
feating several Roman forces that
were sent against him. He was de-
feated and slain by Crassus, II B. @.
His revolt at one time threatened the
very existence of the republic.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
asfora a shon Window.

Billy-B Buy me that little rocking
horse, pap Papa-If you are good
boy you shall have It for your next
birthday. Bily-No, Buy 1t now. l
may have a new papa before my next
birthday. -Meggendorfer Batter.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
She Meant Wall

The late Sir Wilfrld Lawson. the
rigid apostle Of temperance, while on
a week end visit made the acquaint-
ance OF sharp young lady of seven,
to whom. on leaving. he said: Now,
my dear we have been talking some
time. am sure you have no idea who
am"
"Oh. yes. 1 have" the little missy
replied. 'You are the celebrated
drunkard. "-London Graphic.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
- The -
Scrap Book
A N axe.

A genial, garrulous old Irishman
from the country districts was visit
Ing Dublin for the first time. Taking
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
Wronq DIAGNOSIS.

Wrong Diagnosis.
certain high rolling student at
Heidelberg was ponderous, bibulous
and somewhat stupid, his thirst for
knowledge not being quite up to the
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
A Reliable
Remedy
eIy'S Cream Balm

fNsNNfl ffaA' FAAF
Gives Relief At Once.
1t cleanses, soothes,
heals and protects
the diseased men,
orane resulting from
Ga ayrh and drives
away II Cold in the
Head quiekly. RE-
stores the Senses OF
Taste and Smell. Fl
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14

Not by years, but by disposition. is
wisdom acquired. Plautus.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-04-14
TARRR

gists or by mail In liquid form, IS cent
lily Brothers, 80 Warren Street, New or
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1911-06-23
GOVERNOR BLEASE.

Governor and Mrs. Blease accom-
panied Col. William Jennings Bryan
from Columbia on Wednesday morn
ing, and heard his address in the opera
house.
Newberry was thus honored by hav-
ing in her midst not only the great
Democratic leader, but the. governor
Of South Carolina, who is a son of
Newberry, and who is the only son
Newberry has ever furnished in the
executive Office.
Governor Blease is a man of strong
convictions, and never runs from a
fight. And he always fights in the
open.
The business of the Office since he
has been Governor has prevented his
paying many visits to his home here
since he was inaugurated. We hope
that in the future he may be able to
come ofterer s,n6 to stay longer.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1911-06-23

Resolutions of Respect and Affection.
Whereas, He that is all-wise and
Supreme Ruler Of the universe in His
infinite wisdom, has called from our
circle of Pythianism, Brother J. A.
Bouknight, of Pleasant Grove, S. c.,
Lodge, No. 1877, knights of Pythias,
therfore be it resolved:
l. That Pleasant Grove lodge has
lost a true knight, and the community
an upright citizen.
2. That we, the members of Pleas
ant Grove lodge, extend cur sincere
sympathy to his bereaved family in
this, their said sorrow and affiction
3. That page in minute book Of
Pleasant Grove lodge be dedicated to
his memory.
4. That a copy of these resolutions
be transmitted to the family of our de-
parted brother, a copy to the South
Carolina Pythian, and to local papers
FOR publication
B. F. Derrick,
A. P. Ramage,
A. G. West,
Committee.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1911-06-23
STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA,

STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA,
COUNTY OF NEWBERRY.
By Frank M. Schunpert, Esquire, Pro-
bate Judge.
WHEREAS, Mrs. Minnie e. Brooks
made suit to me to grant her letters
of administration of the estate Of and
effects of C. Atchison Brooks.
THESE ARE THEREFORE to cite
and admonish all and singular the
kindred and creditors of the said G..
Atchison Brooks, deceased, that they
be and appear before me, in. the Court
of Probate, to be held at Newberry,
S. c., On the 9Th day of July, next
after publication thereof, at II o'clock
in the forenoon, to show cause, # any
they have, why the said administra-
ton should not be granted.
GIVEN under my hand, this 21st day
OF June, Anno Domini, 1911.
Frank M. Schumpert,
J. P. N. C..
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1911-06-23
COL. WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN.

The coming Of Col. William, Jen-
nings Bryan to Newberry was an event
In the history Of the city which will
be long remembered, Col. Bryan is
one of the greatest thinkers and one
Of the leading citizens of the world.
His lecture On "The Prince of Peace
is a magnificent presentation of the
greatest theme, and Col. Bryanis pow
ers as a public speaker, ripened and
grown fuller with the passing of the
years, draw his hearers close to him
and lend an Irresistible force to the
great truths which he utters.
Those Newberrians who had met
and heard Col. Bryan before appre-
ciated the opportunity of meeting and
hearing him again, and those who
met and heard him for the first time
on Wednesday enjoyed "a great priv
ilege.
Col. Bryan is a great man, and he
would have made a great president.