Arizona republican., 1911-05-01

l not spread their table cloths in the 1 middle of the battlefields Polite | officers selected for the purpose will 1 show them to shady spots on one side
 Rule :. American picnickers must not interfere with the cavalry charge by rushing up tO my troopers and ! borrowing their sabres to open the canned sweet corn. Rule s. The visitors will kindly refrain from taking away the field ammunition or the battery mules for sOuenirs.
 Rule g. Women visitors must not assist in the attack on fortified town by stabbing my soldiers with their hatpins. Hatpins are barred by the Geneva conference as being unnecessarily brutal.
 Rule 10. Americans must abso- lutely desist from sending boys up and down the lines Of my army when it is engaged in a tremendous con flict, selling scorecards of the battle containing the names of the officers on each side and the batting order of the regiments.
 
 throw pop bottles at q general when Q, what a rotten decisionl Kill the umpire!'
 Rule F. Only visitors with en- graved invitations properly endorsed will be allowed at any time within the firing lines.
 You observe, my dear Senor Presi- dent, that l am not unreasonable in my demands There are many other things of which l havo to complain. but if the rules I have laid down are observed properly a great step will be taken towards letting the brave Senor Madero (may he soon hang) and myself fight out this war in peace
 'l trust you understand that I do not object to your citizens attending our battles. When your people come right over and stand in front of my army they are safe from bodily harm It is those of your people who stay over in their own country many miles away. who get hurt
 If your country were only fifteen or twenty miles farther removed all
 
 move the Rio Grande. which forms the international boundary, north ward about sixteen miles. After the war is over you can put it back where you got it. l do not wish to secure more territory. I have enough trouble with what l have now.
 But the matter of indemnity is a painful subject to me, l can offer but one explanation for so many bull lets from my soldiers rifles flying over into Arizona and that is this Texas is about the only thing my soldiers are able to shoot at with any certainty of hitting.
 You know, SenOr President. a soldiers pride. The base insurgents are extremely inconsiderate and will not stand still long enough for my men to aim at them. They also | positively refuse to come and lean | on the muZzles of my soldiers guns, so as to insure accuracy of fire.
 Therefore. my heroes time of | wasting their ammunition. Theyl yearn with all their wild Spanish | of certainty the. can hit Look iAAr fib'ut ti4fllls they see the great | state of Texas to the nOrthward
 At least. there is something we | can hit Then do they accordingly | shoot at the state of Texas: and | while it may not be becoming in me 10 boast under the circumstances, I l point with pride to the fact that every bullet fired at that beautiful Texas by my intrepid army has hit he mark. So let your dear people come down to this magnificent Mex co and watch the war.
 If you insist, l will take the war -o Chicago and have it on the lake 'ront, so that all the people may ob- serve it, but kindly promulgate the 'ules l have sent you.
 Wishing you the grand success. I nm, your devoted admirer.
 "DIAZ. 'P. S.-What I told the Japanese bout that cOaling station on the vest coast don't go. I was kidding. Also F. S.-When is your never o-be-too- highly exalted army going Iway from San Antonio? As far as am concerned you can take it