New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-09-13
CONSIDER THE CROUCH.
lie wears no simulated smile

He wears no simulated smile
At every time and place.
Sometimes you see for half mile
The frown upon his face.
He isn't much on shaking hands,
His manners sharp and short;
In fact, he scarcely understands
The way TO be SPORT
He very seldom buys . drink
Or blows the bunch for smokes;
He seems TO want to spend his chink
Upon his wife and folks:
The merry grafters call him CLOSE"
The lushers say he's tight;
They dub him grouchy, sour, morose,
And doubtless they are right.
But when you're broke and need a friend,
Why, he's right there. you bet,
He'll stick right with you 10 the end.
Through trouble woe and debt.
He'll swear at you most heartily
G3ut stake you when you're iiao;
It's pretty good il seems to me,
To have friend like that!
He loves his children and his wife.
And though his face is grim,
And though he doesn't grin through life,
His friends all swear by him:
His workers love his very froWn,
And for his goodness vouch
And-well I'll let you put me down
As one who loves The Crouch.
Puck
1--WE often wonder" says "The Springfield
Union" why any one should put himself
10 the trouble and expense Of going to the
Adirondacks or the Maine woods to be
shot in mistake for a deer when Il is so
much easier and more convenient TO pick
a few mushrooms in nearby field and
die at home surrounded by ones sorrowing
relatives"
When twenty-three women out OF a posi-
BILE twentyfour at Seattle were able TO get
excused from the jury service for which
they had been chosen, 1t shows that they
are more eager for the privileges than the
duties of sovereign citizenship. That num-
Der OF men could not have escaped if they
had wanted to.-Boston Transcript.
Glove manufacturers are on the trail OF
the prairie dog. II has been found that
this animal which has so long escaped the
utilitarians can furnish excellent fur for
glovemaking purposes After all, II might
have been suspected that the prairie dog
was meant to be useful He never has
shown ornamental qualities. He has been
long regarded as nuisance. and the only
attention given to him has been devoted
to the best way TO get rid OF him, and THE
Rochester st-Express" thinks the glove
manufacturers have solved this problem.
Nearly forty years ago." observed the
elderly DOaruef, j saw a man whose lower
Jaw was stationary. and who moved his
upper jaw instead
lie must have been the man." suggested
the tacturn bt arder, after a long silence,
that Bob Burdette had in mind when he
wrote that lecture of his on Tho Rise and
Fan Of the Mustache. Chicago Tribune.
The microphone. I'm a modified form, is
being used successfully by a French i'm
ventor to find springs OF water, and they
have been located as far as fifty feet I'M
foreground. 1t is expected that the instru-
ment will be Of much value to miners.
prospectors and others in similar occupa-
tons. as we'll as IN locating victims OF
mine accidents. A tube Is thrust into the
ground few feet and the improved micro
phone attached to the upper end. when
noise made by flowing or falling water is
plainly heard.
An aviator saws it is quite possible to fly
across the continent in' thirty days Yes?
And il might be cheaper than staying home
and paying tho dodgasted bills.-Louisyille
Courier-Journal.