The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1911-02-25

was young anu UihHhtll uhSopHASNA~
cated--these are what we cry for when
disseminated, which is most Of the
while. Yet such deprivation is trifiing
compared with what our historic
ancestors missed In living too soon.
They made history but we can re-
make it on the anchoronistic plan, and
show how different the lives OF many
famous and heroic personages might
have been had they enjoyed the edu-
cation which is obligatory in our pub
lie schools or been up against such
modern inconvenience as the TWEEN
tieth century New Yorker Is expected
to thrive on.
We can point to modern inventions,
everyday commonplaces with us, but
which would make angels weep to
think Of the fun they might have had
with them had they passed their NOR
tai probation in the twentieth century
instead Of way back in biblical or
classical antiquity.
Job, the just man and patient,
might have reached the limit Of his
superhuman patience sooner than he
did If he had been obliged to travel
uptown by the subway or go TO Brook
Ign in the rush hour to keep his APP
pointment with Bildad, the Shuttle,
and the other cheerful pals.
But Moses, on the other hand, would
have been spared untold labor and
mental anxiety If he could have COM
manded the services Of Of a capable
stenographer and typewriter By die
tating the laws and having accurate
F.Nr
ton he might have made himself
clearer to posterity and avoided
serious Observation-Disclosures and quib-
bles during his lifetime.
If Pharo had known about reinforc-
ed cement he could have built the
pyramids in half the time it took him,
and at greatly reduced cost. Moreover,
an automobile and a telephone would
have enabled him to get about and
hire strikebreakers when. the Nile
Valley Amalgamated Tomb and Obe-
lisk unions tied up his public-s spirited
enterprises.
Joseph's Corner in Wheat.
Joseph Unanswered a very credit
able corner in wheat, considering the
crude ideas and very primatIve equip
ment of the Egyptian produce eX-
change. though to New York and
Chicago operators of today its modest
little rake-off seems a Joke.
In fact, the patriarchs of old did
nothing but let business opportunities
slip. The tower of Babel, for example,
was the, original sky-scraper, with no
competitor in sight, and yet 1t never
paid as. an investment. hustlinG
New York real estate agent would
have rented every floor in less than no
time for schools for languages.
The fair sex in the times Of Cleo
patra, Semiramis. the queen Of Sheba
and Helen of Troy, were compelled to
do their fascinating without the aid OF
the feminine fashions and toilet ac-
cessions that every. Sixth avenue
saIeslady now knows. Shopping was
a closed book TO them. Probably that
is why they wore so few clothes. We
nus rising from the sea is radiantly
beautiful, as represented in the art oil
antiquity but she has nothing on eX'
cept perhaps a little fiimsy foam. Tbs
armless goddess of Milo visiting g
department store today would have
needfuI purchases to make all along
the line except perhaps at the glove
counter.
In the Metropolitan museum Of art
there are some Graeco- Roman bas-
reliefs representing a musical Apollo
and Pallas Athene. AS some times
happens in our latter-d day saengerfests
the decision has failed to give salts
faction. and there is rough house
among the prima dOnnas. The muses.
get the better of 1t and throw the
sirens out after tearing their princi-
pal covering, which is wings, off theil
backs.
Not only the sirens but other pro-
fessionaI musicians Of antiquity, such
as Orpheus and Apollo, were terribly
handicapped by the lack of suitable
instruments. Their Tyres and lutef
were of limited range at best, ano
were constantly getting out Of tune
With the pianola they might have
been irrepressibIe PaderewislSis, and
never had to waste valuable time In
practicing.
For that matter the sirens them
selves might have lured more potentlS
than they did. and at the same time
spared themselves vocally, If they hac
had monographs and gramophones.
Ulysses in a Motor Boat.
Let us imagine Ulysses passing II
motor boat on his way up the Hud'
son, iourneying on his way home a.
Ithaca, n. Y. The sirens would ge
him probably with Every Little Move
ment has a Meaning of it's Own. Blu
even so and supposing he had LANDED
at Poughkeepsie and given himself III
he might have married a siren, sign
ing a pernuptial agreement to trans
| fer to her the income from the tied-ul
properties which he didn't control Th'
| affair would have been inevitably dis
| cussed in the newspapers, a separd
ton and a divorce would have ensue'
land Homer's Odyssey would hay'
had to be entirely rewritten.
| The Marathon runner need not t
have dropped dead on arriving a
| Athens with the good news If he hat
had q motorcycle. Leander could hav
crossed the Hellespont to visit hi
fancee. hero, without swimming o
getting wet at ALL much less drowning
IL only some one had thought OF tn
Submarine boat In time.
| History is full Of stories Of fsta
accidents that might have been avert
ed by the simplest everyday mean
which are commonplace to us. AM
those old-timers carried no life in
surance 1t seems almost incredible
that Nero could have fiddled so gayl.
while Rome was burning unless h
had large figured fire insurance pol
lev tucked away in the inside poke
of his toga.
In the middle ages there was a re
4 vival of learning throughout Europe