davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
HUMOROUS Qy|PS
\ : :. !. ~. !. Y. " 80. .~.~.~.

Il I
Changes n the primary law made Il
possible for almost anybody, who so
desired, 10 run for office in San Fran
cisco at the recent primary election.
All that was required was q certain
number OF signatures to a petition.
The consequence was very large
number of aspiring patriots had their
names put on the ballet for the office
OF supervisor.
4 a friend met Tim McGrath, locally
famous as the man who brought cut
Tom Sharkey, and asked:
Tim, are you running for super.
visor"
NO" Tim replied. I'm the enc that
ain't!"--Saturday Evening Post.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
AMUSING the Children.

Il good way to amuse the children on
q rainy day is TO cut colored pictures
from old magazines These are pasted
on cardboard squares and the squares
are fastened together by piercing them
with knife and threading them upon q
bright piece of ribbon Select pic
lures OF all kinds, including plenty OF
animals. birds and flowers
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Gallant.

Husland-You are quite comfort.
able, dear?
Wife-Yes, love.
"The cushions are easy and soft"
ayes. darling"
you don't feel any jolts?"
mo, sweetest"
And there is no draft on my lamb.
is there?'
NO, my ownest own"
Then change seats with me-
Ideas.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
sCHUSTER NOTIFIED
OF HIS DISMISSAL
TREASURER GEN ERAL

st. Petersburg, Russia Dec, 81
telegram received from Teheran
says that w NJ. Sohuster, TREASURER
general OF Persia, has been notified
of his dismissal TIE Persian soy
eminent has instructed the local All,
thorities to cease hostilities AID q,
ter into negotiations With Russia.
consul 10 restore normal conditions.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
81 ITec.ATTr1s
TEeeTTe grwrTTCr
or CONVICTED W0MA15

Madison. WIS, Dec. 22-Aftyr
everal appepls FOR pardon Gov " y
McGoyern today communted the life
Of Mrs, Anglia Funk of Mil
waukee to twenty-five years Mrs
Funk was sentenced for the murder
of an old soldier by putting rat
poison in his coffee. she will receive
her freedom In about year.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

! am by no means disposed to 20 so
far as the historian of New England.
John Gorham Palfrey. who, as have
been told, was wont to express the
desire that an act of congress should
be passed forblddlng on pain Of death
any one under twenty-one years OF
age to write seatence.-Frofcssor
Lounsbury In Harper's Magazine
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Saving Hemstitchinn.

When the stitches give way In hem
stitched articles, such as doilies, table
cloths, sheets, etc, take some twisted
embroidery cotton and featherstitch
or herringbone neatly over the hem,
catching each side firmly.
This looks we'll and prolongs the
wear indefinitely.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

Sale.

"fIave you a hair tonic that you can
safely recoinmend% asked the man
who was growing bald.
Yes" replied the druggist. as be
got bottle down from shelf This
is thoroughly safe, MY baby drank
nearly half pint OF it the other night
and wasn't harmed in the. least
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Funeral Of Herhert STARTLING

The ftneral of Herbert i. Spauld-
ing who died Friday will be heIc
Sunday at villa RIDGE. A special
train, under the direction of the a
r. and a. M ard III" Ellis odga will
leave the Illinois Central station at
1915 for Villa Ridge returning ir-
mediately after the funeral. Friands
of the family are invited to atten I.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
FRESHMAN SIGNS
WILLIAM ARMOUR.

ST Louis, Dec 23.--Roger Bre3ua-
han, manager OF the st. Louis Car.
dinals announced tonight in a tale-
gram from Toledo. Ohio, that he had
signed William Armour, former
president Of the Toledo American
Association club, as one of his staff.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

This positively is the last day Of
The Bulletins Christmas campaign
for tho benefit of the kidlets at III
orphans home Ii YOU have a list
bearing names Of persons who de-
sire to qualify for the Santa Claus
role ssud 1t the the Fund Editor
The names will be acknowledges
with the amount contributed
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Circumstances After Gases.

81 ran across an old friend of mine
lately, and he was not bit glad to
see me-"
why not?"
Because l ran across him in my
automobile"
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
The Natural Result.

"The carpet manufacturer was at a
natural Disadvantage in the debating
class he Joined"
why so?"
Because every time they had a dis.
cussion he was foored."
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

AS is Customary with all great
1ne9. Editor Roosevelt has permitted
somebody else 10 announce that +
will not be a candidate for the presi
aency III 1912 If he should chan
his mind ii will then become the dun
OF the somebody else" TO comics:
tie spoke without proper authority
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Very Sus pieious.

"Eow about this fare9' demanded
the stranger in New York.
= haven't oyerchargei you, Sir"
declared the cabman.
Il know you haven't, ana why
haven't your Whet sort OF deep
game are you UP to? Answer me,
now"
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

Warning wives! Let Your has
band choose his own cigars. Like
wise his ties We issued this warn
ing several days ago and if you went
ahead and IGNORED it, don't look to
us for sympathy.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

An old soldier has filsd suit for g.
vorce in Kansas City, alleging thai
his wife has thirty-fvo cats and two
dogs. He also intimated that Lie
in his home was worae than what
Sherman said about war The ole
soldier il Is obvious, thinks one.
beast is sufficient for any hous
hold and we agree with him.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Seth WAYS.

"DigGsley has paradoxical photo.
graphic mania
Good gricious, what might that
be?"
lie gives photographer a stand.
ing ORD er for his sitting"
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

my brother wns run over by an
automobile yesterday and taken IL
the hospital
where WAS he hurt?"
Il guess 1t was IN his motor nerves."
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
November Circulation.

The above is a correct statement
Of the circulation Of The Cairo
Bulletin for the year 1910 and for
d the month of November, 1911.
CLYDE SULLIVAN,
Business Manager.
Subscribed and sworn to before
me this sixth day of December, 1911.
LEO j. KLEB,
(Saal) Notary PuDhc.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

Tonight is the night mother and
father tell divers fbs and every one
of them justifiable &$f
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

President Taft's A nj assage put I,
deep and substantial dent IN TAG
Christmas Joy Of Che s'ool growers.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

It is not too late to do your
Christmas shopping for next year
early.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Especially In Winssr

Who sings the tender Joys OF home
Can melt the hardest heart, no doubt,
And make chaps who once wished to
roam
Be glad they never started out
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
His only Choice.

You must give up cigars" said Anna.
"Or | can never be your bride"
Jack pondered. lit a fresh Havana
And threw the match aside.
-JuLge
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Its Nature.

~ know little sure thing warrant.
ed to throw all comers."
"Where?'
"on the pavement--that piece CT ba-
mana peel"
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Quite likely.

4 poet says he's ready
For winter; ''Let 'er comet"
He must nave bribed the janitor
To make the furnace hum.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

The Salesman-Now, this pattern Of
mating would look we'll IN the rurs.
cry.
Mrs. Collier Downe-It Is so loud
that 1t would almost wake the
baby.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

Children who have no stockings e
hang up are extremely unfortunate
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Argument Defined.

An argument is an effort OF two peo.
pie to keep each other from finding out
the truth. Life
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
CIRCULATION STATEMENT

!
Average number OF complete
and perfect copies OF The
Cairo Bulletin printed
daily and Sunday during
the year 191O...... 1887
Average number Of complete
and perfect copies Of The
Cairo Bulletin printed
s,s daily and Sunday during J.
Nh the month of November, ..ss
1911 M. 1927
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
Attribute OF crea. Soldier.

The greatest general Is he who
knows when TO retreat and dares to
do It.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

when the attention Of The Bull
letin is called to any nisstatemeni
Of fact d. to any error concerning
any man or thing, corrections will
cheerfully be made.) y +
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
NOTICE TO SUBSCRIBERS

If you fail to receive your
paper by I a. n, on week
days and s a. M, on Sundays
telephone to The Bulletin Of
fee. No. IS, either phone and
one viii be sent TO you BY
special messenger.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24
ZHz'9gMT'fEC;.EEEN
|gqe7zSS7ABENET

III @ET onion atoms lark within the
IN ASr.y haul

AAd half suspected animate the whole
S'6ney Smith.
SO near | shall he that 20 r best friend
SHAH wish | had been further.
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

Suffered 1T the Cairo Post ONCE as Second
class mail matter
The Cairo bulletin., 1911-12-24

Invariaxqy Cash In Advance
VIC year, Daily and Sunday --------- -~-- 10 W
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03


pretty well to the wtndward of the bulk of the
decoys with just enough of them around 1t to
hide it from birds coming down on the head; and
in getting in we pick our way carefully through
the decoys and step from the skiff we'll over to-
ward the center, so as not to get any water in
the boxes On the deck of the box we have 10
iron decoys that cut off on the bottom, SO as
to loom up higher than those on the water, and
these we distribute around, heads to the wind
to make the box lay level. We each have rub
Der cloth and an old sweater to lie on, and
cloth-covered rubber pillow for our heads. Ad
justing these comfortably we load our guns
cock them and place them against the side on
our right hand, taking care to keep at least two
inches of the barrels over the end of the box, so
that in case of an accidental discharge there will
be no hole blown in the box Long experience
in battery shooting has taught me that the long
er the barrels of gun are, the safer 1t is, and
l heartily recommend 80 inch barrels.
Being all ready to lie down, with only our eyes
above the level Of the water and await the com
ing of our quarry. Two men with sharp eyes can
keep a pretty thorough watch, except Just be-
hind them, and birds coming from that quarter
generally swing off TO side or the other of
the stool so that they set their wings and
light among the decoys headed up to the wind
You, as the guest of honor, are in the eft-hand
box, and just as the is rising | see a bunch
OF brant comirg in over the beach from the
ocean Wnere they nave been rOoStfng If they
are headed in our direction, and think they
will pass near enough to see our STOOL we lie
very close and occasionally l call them; but the
moment they see the stool-and you can always
tells this because they give sort of dart up in
the air and, If they are coming in settle down
again headed toward us-I make further calls
but say to you: They are coming in on your
side. Lie perfectly still until say Now and
then give 1t to them"
1t is Of the most inspiring sights in the
world to see bunch of these lordly birds head
ed for the stool, and great many people are
deceived as to the distance they are off on &C.
count of their great sze-often losing a chance
by raising too quickly. | watch them with one
eye above the edge of the box as they set their
wings and come gracefully to the STOOL and when
they are in good range I say: "NowI Let's
try emil" and we sit up with our guns in our
hands and fire. AS they are on your side and
headed up to windward, you will get the best
show, because l must shoot at the tail of the
bunch and will not have as good a chance to
catch double as you. You can count on nv
killing right and left however, and as my second
bird starts to fall, see you have three down.
well done, my friend. We are not going to
be skunked today. There are five ofthem any
way"
We both reload our guns and | take my can
in my hand and swing 1t until I see an answering
signal from the Macy. This means that they are
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03

troubles and worries, and come with us down to
kill some brant. 1t is half-past one o'clock, and
look up from my desk and see my fathers smil-
ing face as he says: Come, Buster, it Is time
to start" In a moment have put my coat
and hat, and we are on our way to the Wall street
entrance of the subway, happy ever two
schoolboys starting on a holiday We meet
you the platform, and | relieve you of your
bag or gun board Brooklyn train. We
change at Atlantic avenue to the Long Island
train, and at Jamaica, where change
once more to the local steam train and while
away the next hour in swapping stories. The
train stops at Babylon and pile out the
platform and into the dilapidated hack that
takes US down to the dock AS it is early in the
and the days have not yet shortened
enough to make it impossible for us to reach
our destination before dark the Macy is awaiting
u.s. anchored just off the dock, and our
good George coming off in the little skff to speed
lily set us on board
AS you board the skif you will not have to ask
George Are there any birds?" for he will say:
"Brant? Why there's 100000 of the cusses in
Cedar Island cove Well have some O. them crit
tiers, and don't you forget it." Captain Andrew
greets with CHEEKY Good day gentlemen"
as we reach his side and you enter the cabin
to find upon the table pleasant welcome in the
shape of a generous drink for each of us My
fathers hearty toast, GLAD to see you on board
sir" makes you feel at home at once.
We promptly lay aside our store clothes" and
don our old shooting things, as the men get the
anchor up and hoist the SAIL and In
the cockpit enjoying the fresh air. Our progress
Is slow and stately due to the hotilla behind u.s.
but we have only about four miles to go Notice
now the third member of our crew. big TALL
fair-haired man with a smile that never comes
on This Is Anse newcomer to the Macy In
comparison with the skipper, for Ansel has been
with US only 20 years. He is a very important
parsonage. for he Is the engineer Chef mate, gen.
eral utility man and fun-maker for us all. Harkl
There is his voice now calling us to dinner.
You sit down before smoking leg of lamb and
dishes of vegetables with an appetite to which
you have been stranger for a long time, and
eat and eat of the good things before you until
you are astonished at yourself. Topping off with
some Of the chefs famous pudding and helping
yourself to a good cigar from the box on the
centerboard trunk, you are content l take the
wheel to let the men go below to eat their dinner
and by the time they have finished we arrive at
the place where We will test out the battery in the
morning.
At ten o'clock we turn into our berths ready for
an early call to breakfast At four o'clock we are
called, and by the time we are dressed the break
fast is piping hot on the table. We hurry through
our meal to let the eat theirs, and while
they are fixing out the battery and STOOL we
take bit of a nap.
The skipper calls when he sees the men
have the stool nearly all out, and you and put
on our sweaters and a dark coat, take our guns
and shells, and get into the skif, to be rowed to
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03

Now lie close and they come stragnt Ior our
STOOL If l we're to flop even once alter tney naVe
the STOOL they would be OFF ike shot-anu
1t is just here that the science of using the hop
per means much This time they mead up on
my side, and, when l give the word we hre, you 10
kill two, while am lucky enough to double with
each barrel When George arrives with the SIKH
and tell him IL down, he smiles all over.
l call to George to bring father down when he
comes out to pick up again. for your day would
not be complete without hour or two in the box
with that peerless sportsman who Is today, at the
age of r. of the best shots l have seen.
We kill again, and George comes down with ia
Their AS get into the boat, father steps into the
box with agility equal to mine, and | leave you to
an enjoyment that has been the dearest privilege
of my life. We have scarcely reached the Macy
when you swing again, and | take up the glasses
to watch with interest your good work.
AS noontime get the Macy underway
and drop down to the box to reward you with
cocktail when you come aboard and have all ready
a smoking lunch of Ansels best. After lunch we
take turns in the battery, and, when the time
comes to take up, count row of brant along
the washer and find 35. We return to Babylon in
ample time for you to catch your train and we do
not let you go until you promise to come again.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03
TO DRAW AND HOLD TRADE

Most Of US" said Mr. Shoveton, ARE looking out
for ourselves; l think we'll all admit that The
trouble with most of us is that we don't do this
intelligently; we are always thinking Of ourselves
and our own interest only and that's where we
slip cog. Let me illustrate:
Il buy fruit to carry home; I've done that for
WELL good many years, and for long time I
bought around in various places. Then one day
some years ago l stopped at a store where liked
the looks Of the fruit and where as l noticed mo-
ment later, the paper bags were little heavier
than those l had been accustomed to find
And when this dealer had put the fruit in one Of
these bags he didn't simply twist the neck of it
and hand 1t over to me in form nconvenient
to carry. He folded the top of the bag over and
rolled 1t down to form handle-a grip piece; and
then he tied this bundle around securely with
Irvine, thus making it up altogether into bundle
that was secure and handy to carry
of course liked all that and found that he
always did up his packages so or putting on some
times wood and wire handle; but always he made
the package secure and handy for me- He had
some thought for me, and I've been buying of him
ever since; and If he should move I'd follow him.
would go out of my way to trade with him.
Inc moral is this: Any small storekeeper If
his goods are right can build up trade and hold
1t and Increase it if he has the intelligence and the
human quality that prompts him faithfully to con.
sider not himself alone but as we'll the wants and
interests Of his customers"
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03
WAS JUST COPYING MAMMA
ChiId's Actions That at First Mys
titled Father Were Easily
Explained.

The little six-year-old daughter Of q
well-known club woman was found in
her playroom the other day doing all
kinds of acrobatic stunts and gesticu-
lating wildly and weirdly.
what are you doing?" asked the
child's father
I'm playing I'm mamma" she an
swered Then she made more unique
movements with her little arms and
said, There, father, you accept them
That's what they do when mamma
makes them"
Why" she said, Pm playing that
/ am mamma at her club Whenever
mamma goes to her club she makes
motions and the others accept them
heard her say SO over the telephone
to Mrs. Smith this morning Illus
trated Magazine.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03

a bunch OF bT~nt
leading through the
bay to the north Of
US, about a mile
away. If they keep
their present course
they will pass us
without seeing our
stool. Something
must be done to at
tract their atten-
ton. Quickly l flop
the topper up above
the level Of the box
two or three times,
carefully watching
for any sign that
the birds have no
ticed something. II
there is no such
sign, l flop again.
All, this time they
have seen It, for
they rise in the air
and head toward US.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03

everything, to the starchiness of the
tightest OF uniforms, lent him the air
OF charming officer much more than
that of young ruler.
A place had been laid In solitude at
the head Of the table. The emperor
seemed put out about 1t, and pushed
his armchair close to my seat. He ate
little and talked great deal.
After passing into the drawing room
he remained there two good hours,
standing up the whole time. 1t was
asserted his clothes were SO tight
that any other attitude was uncom-
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03
DIR. WILEY A BENEDICT.
Pure Food Expert Weds Miss KeIton
in Washington.

Washington, D. CDR. Harvey w
Wiley, of pure food fame, Monday
led to the altar Miss Anna Campbell
Kelton, daughter of the late General
Joseph c. Kelton, U. S. A The we'd
ding was a quiet affair in the home
of the bride, and was attended by
only the relatives and intimate
friends of the couple. Elaborate
gifts were received from all quar-
ters of the country. DR.. and Mrs.
Wiley left Immediately after the we'd
ding breakfast for trip through the
Northern States.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03
AUSTRALIA BARS
FOREIGN TRUSTS
Will Not Allow Them to Do
Business There.
OFFICIAL NOTICE is SERVED.
Statement Made by the Minister of
Trade and Customs to Check
the Plans of the American
Packing Corporations.

Melbourne, Australia. = The Com
monwealth of Australia served notice
on the business world Monday that it
would not harbor foreign trusts"
The following memorandum on the
subject was given to the press by Sir
r. w. Best, minister OF trade and
customs:
For several months past it has
been an open secret that representa-
tiyes OF the American meat trust have
been visiting Australia, ostensibly
with the object of extending its oper-
atoms here. The government is de-
termined to take immediate and dras-
tic action TO discourage, and, if neces-
sary, to prohibit its operations in
Australia. 1t is not proposed to wait
until the combine secures vested in
terests in this country.
The minister of trade and Gus
toms is consulting with the attorney
general with the view to bring the
full force of the present law into
operation, and if necessary obtain
further legislation.
The action of the government will
extend TO trust operations in Aus
tralia whether conducted directly or
indirectly and will not permit the
dals and merciless methods charac-
terizing monopolies in other parts of
the world"
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03
Federal Automobile License Bill

Washington, d. C.-The Federal
Automobile License Bill, introduced
by Representative Wanger, of Penn.
sylvania, was favorably reported Mon
day by the Committee on Interstate
and Foreign Commerce. The meas,
ure provides federal license, in adj
dition to the local license, but ex-
empts the automobile from the local
licenses of other states through
which it may pass Provision also
is made for the licensing of the au-
tomobile driver.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-03-03

The attitude of the Australian
government toward the meat trust
is interesting in several phases.
About ten years ago, it is said, one
of the largest of the Chicago pack
ing companies canvassed Australia
with view to establishing a large
plant there, but found the strength
of the labor unions not to its liking
and abandoned the idea. An import
ant reason for this proposed enter
prise was the American occupation
of the Philippines. The American
troops in the Archipelago had been
fed on Australian meats obtained by
contract with commonwealth COM
panies and conveyed to Manila from
Brisbane in one or more American
government vessels, provided with
refrigerator apparatus.
When the Filipino revolt was over
and the islands settled down to
peace, the United States gave up it's
refrigerator ship service, but the peo-
pie in the Philippines, especially the
Americans, military and civil, still
needed fresh meat. This it was prac-
tically impossible to obtain from any
other source than Australia, with the
result that Australian butchering and
freezing firms continued to supply
Manila with their products, and
profitable business was established
This business still tlourishes.