davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Sacrist of the Cathedr
The Shillalah.

The shillalah Is no raw limb OF a
tree. 1t is almost as much a work Of
art as well balanced cricket bat
The old shillalahs were as carefully
looked after by their loving owners as
Is rifle in the wilds. Cut from the
sturdiest of young blackthorns and
showing as little taper as an ebony
ruler, it was weighed with lead or iron
at the end nearest the grip so that its
center Of gravity was about four-fifths
Of the way from the hitting end
When properly seasoned by being
kept in the neighborhood Of the farm
oven for a few months it became
thing of supple steel. And the proper
pronunciation Of the name of this fear
some weapon is the melodious one Of
"shill-aily," with the accent on the
call. "-London Chronicle.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
The Touqh Chicken.

There are several ways of transform
ing venerable fowl into a respectable
family piece de resistance. In fact. by
the following method such fowls have
been made as tender as spring chick
ems: Let the bird. after drawing. sea-
soning and stutfing. simmer until over
half done. Then place 1t in the oven
with a piece of pork laid over its
breast. Pour the liquor over and
around the roast in the pan. Finish
the cooking in very hot oven. bast-
ing frequently with the drippings.
When ready to serve skim off any su.
per6uous fat that may be In the pan
before preparing the gravy. The pork
prevents the fowl from becoming dry.
and If a small onion Is also added II
will have a more savory flavor. The
simnering lessons its toughness. In
fact. slow simmering is just the thing
for any tough meat. but 1t should sim
mer not boil. Boiling will tougher
the tenderest of meat
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
A Death Lure.

According to tradition. ZENITH. the
legendary king of Scotland. was al.
lured to his death In a most novel man.
ner. ZENITH had slain a son and broth
er Of Fennella, who to be avenged or
dered wiltus. a famous silversmith. to
construct a death dealing statue Of sill
yer. In its right hand the statue held
q basin and In the left hand an apple
Of pure gold, both set with diamonds
and other precious stones. To touch
the apple was to defy death, It being
30 arranged that any one guilty OF
such vandalism would be Immediately
riddled by poisoned arrows shot from
openings In the body Of the statue.
Zenith was invited to inspect the won
der. and. as Fennella had hoped, he
tried to pluck the precious imitation
fruit When his hand touched the ap-
pie be was wounded by the arrows and
died where he fell.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Dirt and Death.

When a celebrated Paris physician
was asked how the city could prevent
the coming of a plague then ravaging
other European places he answered,
boil your ice!" That tersely called
attention to the necessity of utter
cleanliness and that even ice made
from impure water carried disease.
yellow fever" said Henry Ward
Beecher. 'fs God Almighty's opinion of
dirt" The chief contributing cause
toward modern efficiency In surgery Is
that surgeons have learned to keep
clean. Nothing Is so spotless as a good
hospital. Everything is boiled and
sterilized-beds, instruments, clothing,
washrags, floors, hands and finger
nails. That is why they save lives
there. Nobody would die II he could
keep perfectly clean. Death is the
final triumph Of dirt-Chicago Trib-
una
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
What nHamIetn Lacked.

In a mining camp town Hamlet"
was one evening given by strolling
company, and this is the criticism that
appeared next day in the local papers.
written by the miner dramatic critic:
There is too much Ginning in this
piece. The a1thor is behind the times
and seems to forget that what we
want nowadays is hair raising situa-
tons and detectives.
"In the hands of a skiliful play
wright a detective would have been
put upon the track of Hamlet's uncle,
and the old man would have been
hunted down in a manner that would
have lifted the audience out OF their
cowhides.
'|The moral Of the piece is not good
The scene where Hamlet sasses his
mother is a very bad example to the
rising generation.
"Our advice to the author Is more
action. more lovemaking and plenty
of specialties. The crazy girl scene
should be cut out altogether and a
rafting good song an6 dance substi-
tuted"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
A Cotton leqend.

Cotton was the theme Of one Of the
most fabulous nature stories on its
first introduction into Europe. Trav-
elers related that in Tartary there
grew a shrub and that when Its ripe
fruit was cut open within was "a lyttle
Beaste in fesche. in bone and blode
as though it were a lyttle Lamb with
outer wolfe" The flesh Of this "vege-
table lamb" was eaten. ran the story,
and the wool made into cloth. The
basis of the legend is the way in which
the cotton pod ripens and bursts, show
ing the white fluffy raw cotton. which
closely resembles wool. Raw cotton Is
still called cotton wool"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
The Speedier Way.

He simply couldn't help 1t. He was
born lazy.
AS a rule. If not too sleepy. he could
get through a shave in about thirty
FIVE minutes. But today, after only
fourteen hours sleep. he appeared even
more sluggish than ever. AS he ap-
piled the lather to his customers
beard his brush fingered haltingly, as
though loath to leave the stubby chin
to which it was being applied.
His customer was patient man and
stood this for a considerable while
But at last his patience began 10 ooze.
and he interrupted a forty winks' in
tervai with a cough.
"S'ere. lad" he suggested. "Aa've an
idea. Hold your hand. keep tina brush
still. an aa'll wag ma head for vel!
London Answers.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Maxine Thinos Hum In Rome.

The Romans had three recognized
methods Of applauding-the bombus,
the imbrices and the testae. The word
bombus did not carry any allusion to
explosives. On the contrary. this form
Of applause was the most decorous. in
asmuch as 1t consisted merely of a
humming or buzzing noise. Thus In a
way the Romans were the first ito
make things hum" in a public assem-
bly,. The bombus was not the chief
feature the Romans had to offer In the
way Of applause. The imbrices meant
a demonstration made with the hollow
Of the hands. The testae meant the
striking together of the fat portions Of
the hands. From this we may con-
clude that the Romans clapped, but
there is no certainty on this point
New York Herald
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Daniel Wilson, His House.

DR.. Daniel Wilson, afterward prin-
cipal of the University of Toronto.
used in earlier days to live near Lau-
riston. in Scotland. One day DIR. John
Beddoe (who has written an autobiog
raphyD set out to find him. Having"
he says, mo clear idea of the situation
of the house. | entered ST. Margaret's
lane. which conceived must lead in
the right direction. and. meeting n gen.
tleman just about to issue therefrom.
asked whether he could direct me to
DR.. Wilson's new house. He looked
hard at me and inquired:
"'Do you know Daniel Wilson, i
do Intimately Yes. Intimately.
Then follow this road till you see a
house that looks as If 1t belongs to
Daniel Wilson. and that will be it. |
thanked him and. following his advice.
had no difficulty in identifying the
house 1t had a window which con-
tanned some tracery Of pattern which
l knew Wilson considered peculiarly
Scottish"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
A DELAYED Execution.

An eighteenth century execution on
Remington common was stopped for
time owing to strange cause On
Aug. 10 1868. two days before the
date Of the execution. a heavy fog
came over London. accompanied by
thunder and lightning and torrents of
rain. These conditions lasted for near.
ly forty-eight hours. and many people
believed that the last day had arrived
When the time fixed for the execution
arrived the assembled crowd cried
shame on the sheriff for banging a
man when the world was coming to an
end. As he persisted in his prepara-
tons they burst through the barriers
and stopped the proceedings. shout
ing that the culprit might as well wait
a few minutes, when the grand sum-
mons would come to ALL The sheriff
had to obtain the assistance of a force
Of soldiers before the execution could
be carried out
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Forbidden Ground.

A visit of Gladstone to the Isle of
Man is recalled by Agnes Herbert and
described In her book about that in
teresting little speck in the midst Of
the Irish sea.
Mr.. Gladstone had made a detour
across a small holding in Rushen. and
his way lay through the "haggart,"
where the stacks are harvested A
strong. powerfully built Manxwoman
stood throwing up the straw to the
stack. using her fork as deftly and
quickly as farm laborer.
THAT is very hard work. my good
woman" the Grand Old Man is re-
ported to have said graciously. 'but
you look well and strong. May I ask
how old you areP
The toiler hardly turned as she an
swered sharply:
How oul' art thou myself, thou i'm.
percent ouP manT
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
A Shabby Coat Collar.

Very often the collar Of a coat be-
gins to look shabby when the coat
itself is in good order, and 1t is won
derful what a difference a thorough
cleaning will make. First take a
piece of clean cloth and dip 1t in spir.
its Of turpentine and rub the collar
thoroughly with It Leave 1t for ten
minutes. then rub 1t again with the
turpentine and scrape it carefully to
remove any loose dirt Next sponge
the collar with a little alcohol and
keep wiping 1t until It is dry. Hang
IT up in an airy place for an hour or
two and II will look as good as new
Boston Herald.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Mixed Emotions.

A Bostonian tells of a clean. well set
up young Irishman who formerly saw
service In the British navy, but who Is
now engaged in business at the Hub.
when are you going to get freedom
in Ireland. JohnT the Bostonian once
idly asked.
1.-The only way that we'll get free
dom in ould Ireland" said the Celt.
will be If France an Russia an Ger.
many an Austria an maybe Italy-if
they would all join together to give
those blackguards Of English a rare
ouid batin'. That's the only way. sir.
we'll get home rule"
Then as he looked cautiously about a
twinkle of cunning was added to his
expression. AN the whole lot of 'em
together couldn't do 1t, sir. Oh, it's
the grand navy we've gotT-Lippin-
colts Magazine.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Animal Life on Venus.

"There are many physical reasons
for thinking that If any other planet
besides the earth is inhabited 1t is
bly, Venus" says Professor Pick
ering. 1T is about the same size as
the earth, and its density is about the
same. The force Of gravity upon its
surface is only slightly less than that
on the earth. The temperature on
Venus is probably the same as in our
own tropics. and the dense atmos-
phere may be Of composition such
as enveloped the earth when in the
carbOniferous period. AS to the ex-
istence Of intelligent life. the question
Is still open. II 1t Is ever established
that the planet Venus Is inhabited it
will be less surprising than IL the same
were proved conclusively Of any other
planet. owing to the similarity in
many respects Of Venus and the
earth"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Notino and PRAYING.

Preacher-DoeS your husband vote
as he prayS: Wife-Oh. yes; about
once a year!-Yonkers Statesman.
The Moonrakers.
s~ln the English county of Wiltshire"
said customs official. 1.-THE natives
are called 'mOonrakers. There's a
wiltshire story. over century old,
aboat some rustics who were found
one night raking away in q pond at
the reflection of the moon. which they
took for cheese
That's very good story. a very
funny Skit on the men of Wiltshire,
but ask a Wiltshire man about 1t and
with a contented chuckle he will say:
oh. yes, people tell as how they
give the name O 'moonrakers' to us
Wiltshire people bekase a passed. O
stoopids one night tried to rake the
shadder O. the moon out o. the brook.
takin' II for thin cheese But that's
the wrong end O. the story. It's alto
gether the wrong end Them chaps
as was dom this was smugglers and
they was fishin' up some kegs O. bran.
dy and only pretended TO rake out a
cheese. The policeman as axed EN-
what they was about had good laugh
at EN-, but by Harry! they had a
better laugh at him when they got
home with the stuff"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
The Talmud.

The Talmud is the compendium of an
cient Jewish oral. or unwritten. law.
as distinguished from the Pentateuch.
or written. law. Its origin is coeval
with the return Of the Jewish people
from the Babylonian captivity, $50 B.
O. Its compilation in Hebrew was be-
gun by the scribes. and by their sue
cessors the work was carried on till
220 B. G. The Talmud Is combina-
ton Of prose and poetry and contains
two elements. legal and legendary. Its
morality resembles that Of the New
Testament, and its philosophy reminds
us very forcibly Of that of the great
Plato.-New York American.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
The Arts of Asia,

1t was Asia. through Arabia, which
gave Europe the literature, the arts
and the sciences which we have de-
veloped and Of which we now boast.
Gunpowder was probably invented In
China. 1t was certainly introduced
into Europe from Arabia. The finely
tempered steel Of Damascus went over
from Arabia at the time of the Moor
ish invasion Of Spain. and its manu-
facture was continued at Toledo. The
coppersmiths Of Bagdad supplied the
worlds market with their wonderful
productions centuries before there
were any industries in Europe. Weav-
ing Of silk and cotton had its birth as
an industry in Arabia. and the weav.
ing Of wool was learned by the cru
saders in the same wonderful country.
Astronomy. mathematics, the mariners
compass-all came to US from the
Arabs.-Argonaut
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Settled the Sacristan.

A matter Of fact sacristan Of the Ca
thedral of Berlin once wrote the king
OF Prussia this brief note:
Sire-I acquaint your majesty. first. that
there are wanting books of psalms for the
royal family. | acquaint your majesty.
second, that there wants wood to warm
the royal seats. l acquaint your majesty.
third. that the balustrade next the river.
behind the church. is become ruinous.
SCHMIDT.
Sacrist OF the Cathedral
The reply Of the king was not that of
a gracious majesty" Its stiff formal
ity In initiating the style of the sacris-
tan probably was not taken by the re-
ceiver as complimentary to him:
l acquaint you. Herr Sacrist Schmidt.
first, that those who want to sing may
buy books. Second. l acquaint Herr Sa-
crist Schmidt that those who want to be
warm must buy wood. Third, / acquaint
Herr Sacrist Schmidt that / shall not
trust any longer to the balustrade next
the river. And / acquaint Herr Sacrist
Schmidt, fourth, that viii not have any
more correspondence with him.
FREDERICK.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Her Queer Question.

The rector Of country parish in
England having sent blankets, gorcer-
les, Goals and some Of the good things
usual at Christmas to an old parish
Toner lady expatiated warmly to him
on the reverend gentleman's kindness.
Don't you think" she asked the.old
villager, that 1t is very good Of the
rector to look after you like this and
send you all these nice things"
"Good of him. exclaimed the old
man In blank amazement. why.
what's he forT-Pearson's Weekly.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
He Understood the People.

One Of Jay Gould's campaigns as a
dealer in railways was with the Wa
bash system Of railroads. He got con-
troll and after effecong a reorganiza-
ton which increased the capital stock
and also the bonded debt sold them
out 1t is related of him ut this time
that an associate said to him, "Mr.
Gould, don't you think you are bond
ing this much higher than the property
will standT THAT may be-" answer
ed he, but the American people are
mighty partial to bonds"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
A Hint.

Teacher-I have been trying for some
time 10 get the room so quiet that we
could hear a pin drop. I have drop
ped the pin several times, but you have
been making so much noise that 1t has
been impossible to hear 1t. What do
you think we had better do. children?
Reddy Backrow-Tie a dumbbell to 1t
next time, Enthusiastically Life.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
A Fresh Eco.

An English food expert, said In re-
cent lecture:
THE secret of health Is two meals
day with an occasional fast But
people won't avail themselves Of this
superb secret. 1t Is too unpleasant
like the fresh egg. A gentleman, aft
er cutting the top of soft boiled egg.
summoned the waiter and said:
Waiter, take this egg back to the
kitchen. wiring its neck. and grill 1t for
me-"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Best Asleep.

81 don't feel WELL" said one clerk to
another as he took OF his coat In the
office. 1.-THE trouble with me Is that ]
haven't slept as ought I don't feel
well unless I've slept" THAT'S the
same way with me- said bis col
league. "In fact think I feel best
of all when Pm sound asleepw
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Part of the Role.

"Shall we pose as millionaires or as
foreign dukes at the hotelT
CAS- the latter, my boy. As million
aires we might be expected to display
some evidences Of wealth. but as
dukes nobody can possibly take 1t
amiss II we skip."-Kansas City Jour
nal
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Thouqht Il Wasa Joke.

The Colonel-And you actually as
sert that you want to marry my
daughter? Fusby-Y-yes. The Colo
mel (staring at him unpleasantly)-
You know am English. Fusby-
Yves, sir. The Colonel-Well. it's go
ing to take me several years to see the
point Of your little joke. Good day
to you.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
She Has Positive Proof.

The Cook-Sure. an ye don't name
to tell me that ye think it's bad luck
to break q mirror? The New Maid
(earnestly)-I don't think; I know 1t.
The Cook-Glory bel an how do ye
know It? The New Maid-Every time
I break one lose my job.-New York
Journal.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
A RaxArsian

"Matrimony." said a modern benedict
the other day, produces remarkable
revolutions. Here am 1, for instance,
IN few short months changed from
signing lover to living sire."-ll.
Illustrated Bits.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
A Rite and Q Wrong.

Marriage" remarked the professor.
twas a rite practiced by the an
cients"-
"And bachelorbood." interrupted a
maiden of forty. lis a wrong practiced
by the modern."-Boston Transcript.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Still She Liked Him.

She-Yes, I like Ted He Is so ex-
travagant He-That Is hardly the best
quality for a husband. is 1t? She-Of
course not: | am not going to marry
him.-Boston Herald.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
The Very Idea!

Mr.. woggs-Tm through with Bump.
I told him we are going to name our
baby after some great parsonage and
asked him for a suggestion. Mrs.
Woggs-what did he say? Mr.. Woggs
He said, name 1t after ours. PUCK.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
The Hauqhty Cook.

my dear. will you kindly ask that
naughty cook of ours to stew some
tripe I brought homer haven't the
nerve"
where Is the tripeT
"She's looking at 1t now through her
lorgnette." - Spokane Spokesman-Re-
view.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Doubter.
Cynical.

"People who lose their money are
always complaining to their friends
about It"
Nonsense. People who lose their
money haven't any friends left to COM
plain to."-Town Topics.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Mixed.

"why. Harkins. where have you
beeny You look like wreck"
~ know 1t. My twin brother and
had a quarrel. and hired bruiser to
lick him. The fellow mixed Us up,
and here 1 am."-London Tit-Bits.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
How Could He2

Aunt-You will never learn how to
manager your money. Karl Nephew
Can you wonder at It. auntie? My
acquaintance with It is always so shcr...
-Fliegende Batter.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
How u Was.

"She's very wealthy
"very."
Money left to herr
mo She Is the author Of a book
entitled Hints to Beautiful Women
Il presume all the beautiful women
in the country purchased itY'
mo; but all the plain women didr'-
New York Herald.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Conceited.

There are lot Of girls who don't
ever intend to get married"
How do you knowT'
1--WE proposed to seyeraL"-Cleve-
land Leader.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16

It is happiness to be nobly descend
ed; It is not less to have so much mer-
it that nobody inquiries whether we
are so or not-La Bruyere.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
The Pelican.

No one would be likely TO imagine
that so heavy and. in fact, apparently
ungainly a bird as pelican is king
among soaring birds. After much flop
ping when these great birds have ac-
quired Roadway the broad wings are
spread, and in majestic circles they
mount skyward, with only an occa-
sional flap Of the wing, often passing
beyond the range Of ones vision.
Doubter.
'The world Is getting so good you
may soon see the lion lie down with
the lamb"
Eyes. but when the lion rises. where
will the lamb beT
81 dunno. You'll have to ask some
body in Wall Observation-Disclosures
Ledger.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Deeds That Count.

Maud-why don't you prefer Harry
to Will? Harry is capable Of big deeds.
Edith-Yes. but Will owns some.-Bal-
timore American.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Similar Tastes.

Bacon-Have you and your wife SIM
liar tastes? Egbert--I think so. 1
don't believe she likes her cooking
either-Yonkers Statesman.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Currxina No Favor.

"Lend a hand. Hiram. and help ketch
the alderman's pig"
"Let the alderman ketch his own pig.
I'm out of politics fer good."-Louas-
Vile Courier-Journal.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Taken at His Word

Creditor-Suppose I'll have to wait
till the day of judgment for what you
owe. Debtor-Yes; call late In the day,
acknowledgements Batter.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
Playing Safe.

virtue. One might erect statues to
silence.-Carlyle.
Playing Safe.
Look here. sir! You have been call
ing on my daughter every night for the
past six monthsT
But l can't afford to get married,
sir, and II l call on any other girl I'm
afraid might fall in love with her,
Smart Set
A Question of Sex.
"what IS the difference between
f,rmpess and obstinacyT asked q
young lady of her fance.
"Firmness." was his gallant reply
els a noble characteristic OF women
obstinacy is a lamentable defect In
men."-Stray Stories.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
A Secret.

1t takes just three people to keep
secret properly, but two Of the three
must be dead.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16

I Distinction Is the consequence, never
the object Of q great mind.-Allston.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1911-03-16
A Bathtub Mystery

Uncle Hiram Cooking at bathtubs In
a plumbers window)-Well, l swan!
I've heard that these here New York.
ers are pretty nervy, but never sup
posed they had the cheek to take q
bath In the front windowl-Judge's. Ia.
brary.