The Washington times., 1911-07-08
Mighty Race of Brutes Will
Settle Historic
r. Disputes.
UNCLE JOE AND FRED
T. EASILY AGREE
They Meet and Fix Terms for
Democratic Donk and @. o. P.
Pachyderm.

Political dopesters and wizards and
seers, who prate about primaries every
four years, take heed to the race which
is now being run from far Coney Is
land to fair Washington.
The entries will be- so the word has
gone forth: Joe Cannon" an elephant,
hefty of girth. and a donkey, who'll
wear on his big saddle mat, the colors
of every good Democrat.
The story is told that one Thompson,
named Fred, was telling J. Cannon,
once II. of r. head, what a marvel he
had in donkey, indeed, when it came
to a question of getting up speed.
''Shucks!' said Uncle Joseph, you're
wrong, Fred; get out! Get wise to
yourself and stop playing the tout to
donkey; for, Freddie, you've yet time
to learn that the swiftest of brutes is
the great pachyderm.
So Uncle Joe Cannon proposed a fiat
race, with the Donkey to lead it and
get a fast pace. A fragrant cigar was
the sweepstakes proposed, which pleased
Uncle Joseph, as every one knows; and
the race will begin at sharp on the
morrow. and woe to the entry that
runs to his sorrow. The eyes of the
struggles probable end.
The course as laid out will go over
five States, with time taken out for the
rests and the waits. The Mule travels
light. with no baggage or traps, but
the Elephant carries. TO guard gainst
mishaps, such as not being able to find
a hotel, a whole load of tents, and his
fodder as we'll.
But the men who arranged for this
testing of speed count this as a handi-
cap justly, indeed, when they think of
the size Of elephants stride, and the
little brown donkey to trail at his side.
Mr.. kiplng once said, and Joe c.
thinks he's right, that an elephant over
takes all things in sight if he's given
his time, though he moves like a snail,
and that in the last counting his speed
will not fail.
But the Donkey who carries the hope
OF Fred L. Is as game a young mulelet
as muleIet ieIt, could be, f1d he's t curried
race till his hackers believe he can
we'll set the pace.
Tim Woodruff of fame in political hfc
has fired off the pistol and started the
strife tween the Big Boy and Donkey:
Fred TT friends all pray that the DON
key won't loiter or balk on the way.
A man who appears. like the Bryan of
old, who touted free silver and frOwned
on the gold, will bestride the young
Donkey, and folks now declare that that
is handicap not hardly fair.
Two trainers viii jockey the elephants
run. from the start till the trial is over
and done, AMI clear from his pathway
all bottles and glass that Wilson's ad-
herentS may throw where he'll pass.
And the Jock. pseudo Bryan will keep
careful lookout when the donkey nearS
Pnilly-where "stand-pats' hang out.
for thorn in the hoof or a tack in the
shoe-who can tell all the trouble or
damage they'd do 10 the hopes of the
Democrats pinned to his back. to be
carried in triumph across the long
track.
And there's none in the land who will
watch for the one who will first reach
the White Houne in fair Washington
with more interest than President Will
liam H. Taft, who hopes the mule fin
ishes several miles aft