The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1911-03-01
RUSslA'S JESTER.
BaIakireff Is the Joe Miller of the
; Muscovites.
HIS WIT TICKLES THE BEAR.
He Was the Court Fool That Many
Time Braved the Anger of Peter the
Great-EIis Miracle Of the Sword and
q Wondrous Deed Of Daring.

; Every nation has It's typical Jester,
around whom crystalline all the float
ing stories of a people. Thus England
has its Joe Miller, Germany its Till
Eulenspiegel Italy its Punchinello, the
orient it's Nasreddin el Khoja and
Russia its Balakireff. Like Joe Mil
Ter, the last was real character,
though not all the jokes credited TO
him were his own. Some were inven-
tons of later age; others were Dor
rowed from the past He shares the
credit for many Of the latter with Joe
Miller and Eulenspiegel
History records that Balakireff was
the favorite jester Of Peter the Great.
Tradition represents him as the con
slant company OF that ear, frequent
One day, for example, cousin of his
had fallen under the cars displeasure
and was sentenced to death. Balaki-
ref undertook TO obtain a reprieve.
The car guessed his errand even be-
fore he opened his mouth.
"Nor' he cried. otis no use your
coming here. / swear that / will not
grant what you are going to ask!"
Balakireff dropped at once to his
knees. "Peter AleXeivitch," he cried,
81 pray you, put TO death that scamp
of n cousin Of miner
Peter, thus caught in his own trap,
had no choice but to laugh and send
pardon to the culprit.
On another occasion Balakireff ask
ed that he might be enrolled among
his masters domestic guards. Peter
consented for the sake Of the joke,
but warmed his jester that death was
the penalty If any officer of the
guards absented himself from his post
or mislaid his sword. Then to test
the volunteer he sent him up n flagon
of wine TO "mosten his commission"
Balakireff, as was expected, drank to
the intoxicating point While he was
sleeping off his debauch the car him
self crept into the room and carried
off his sword from the scabbard. Bala-
kireff. though badly scared, on awak-
ing made shift TO replace the missing
weapon with his own wooden imita-
ton of the guardsmen's sword. He
was called TO parade next morning,
when Peter feigned hot Indignation
at the untidiness of one of the guards.
Captain Balalireff," he cried at last,
draw your sword and cut off the head
of that slovenw
Balakireff cast his eyes up to heav-
en-. ooh, merciful Cod" he prayed,
grant that my sword may turn into
wood before / use it on one of my own
fellow soldiersr
And, 10, when he unsheathed II the
| blade stood revealed as n wooden one.
Peter laughed heartily at the knave's
ipresence of mind and restored him to
favor.
! A more serious offense resulted In
the Punishment of the jester Never
dare to appear again on Russian SOIL!
stormed the emperor. Judge then of
/ Peters surprise when. week later
he beheld his old favorite coolly driv'
/ ing n cart past the palace.
How dare you disobey meF' shout
ed the enraged monarch. "Did l not
forbid you ever to show yourself on
! Russian soilT'
"Nay," replied Balakireff, 81 have
not disobeyed you. This is not Rus
sian soil"
"How say you-not Russian soilT
"Truly not. This CARLOAD of earth
! on which am sitting is Swedish soil
I dug 1t up in Finland only the other
day"
! Again the car laughed uproariously
and readmltted his buffoon to favor
Some historians add that when nc
heard the excuse he said, "If Finland
be Swedish soil now it shall be Rus
sian before long," a threat he was mol
slow TO fulfill.
Il This story. however, was an old one
long before the time of Balakireh. II
forms the twenty adventure
of Till Eulenspiegel, who is reputed &c
have died in 1850. Having offended
the Duke of Nuremberg, Till was 'for
hidden the land" He purchased a shil
lling's worth of earth to fill his carr
with, and, being duly challenged by tho
duke, he answered:
"My gracious lord, am not in your
land. but in mine own, wherein l az
sit. j bought 1t of a boor for shil
ling. And rightfully could he sell 1t
for from his forefathers he inherited
lit. So Is this truly my land"
At the close of one of Car Peters
campaigns Balakireff overheard some
Russian officers boasting of exploits
they had performed.
may" he cried. 81 can tell n bette
story than any of you" And, beini
pressed for the story, he continued:
"Never have liked this modern wa!
of fighting all in body together
Surely 1t would be more manly 70
each to stand by himself. Therefor
went / out alone in search of adven
lures. One day while accommodating
near the enemy's outposts espied
Swedish soldier lying on the ground
Before he could rise and give tn
alarm / rushed upon him and wit
one blow from my sword cut of hi
right foot"
"You fool. cried one Of his auditors
"Why did You not cut Off his head?"
so would I have done" retorte,
Balakirer, except that somebody els
had already done it."--washingtol