The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1911-12-02

remark. One commonplace jest Is lne
one about the small boy wearing a
very large hat: Hey, hat! Where are
you goiug with that boy?' with the
orator Cicero the jest took this form:
One day, seeing his short-statured
souin.law wearing long sword, he
cried out: who, l ask, has attached
.my sonin-law to that sword"
OF a distinctly antique flavor are
these two tales of philosophers:
Archytas. the Pythagorean philoso-
.uher on his return from afar, found
his fields in very poor condition.
They became so through the negli-
geuce of the steward He said to him.
I"Id give you a pretty good drubbing
lii we're not in such a passion"
4 similar incident is told of Plato,
who provoked by the misbehavior of a
slave said to his nephew, who was
standing by:
Beat that slave, am in too furious
temper to do it,"
Ancient writings are rich in legends
of Dionysius the Elder, tyrant of SYRIA
cuse. He wrote poems and tragedies
Once he sentenced Philoxene to hard
labor in the quarries for daring to
critcise a poetical composition from
the royal hand Dionysius after a time
sent to Philoxene and had read to him
the second time this poem. The first
few lines Philoxene listened with pa
tience, but the reading had not gone
much further before he rose and dash
ed for the door When asked where
he was going, exclaimed Back TO
the Quarries, your majesty"
At a banquet Dionysius, wishing 10
aifront Plato, placed him last at the
table. He then said to his courtiers:
plato will probably have much to say
TO us when he returns to Athens" II
! hope" Plato rejoined, never to be so
at a loss for a subject of conversation
that ! should find it necessary to
speak of you
Dionysius repeatedly refused to
grant Artisippus a favor At last Arti-
sippus humbly Frustrated himself at
the feet of the King and renewed his
Isupplication, The philosopher was re-
preached for this serviie groveliing.
You should not blame me, but Diony-
sius, who has ears in his feet" was his
apology.
One day Artisippus asked Diony-
sius for money, But" said Dionysius,
I've always heard it said that phil
osopher never has need of anything"
I'VE will discuss that point, sire, but
first give me some money" Artisippus
said. The request accorded to, the
philosopher Immediately calculated,
Now, you see, sire, have need of
nothing"
At a call to arms in Sparta, andre
Clides, who was lame, offered himself
as a recruit. When refused on ac,
, count of his crippled legs, he ex,
claimed, Il thought you were looking
for men to fight, not to run away"
The Retort Discourteous.
There was a stranger in Sparta who
prided himself on his skill in standing
for a long time on one leg. One day
when he was showing off his little
trick he called to a Spartan: Hey!
You can't do this" NO, but every
goose can, was the quick rejoinder.
One of the followers in the train OF
e. Antigonus, general under Alexander
was a poet named Antagoras. In the
camp one day the poet cooking some
. cells, was surprised by Antigonus, who
, said; "Dost think, poet, that Homer
. when he was commemorative the ex
ploits of Agamemnon would be spend
f ing his time cooking eels?" And thou
sire" the poet replied, "believest tho,
, that Agamemonon in the midst of hi
e exploits would be asking if anyone il
r his camp were cooking eels?"
f At banquet a Laconian, when sea-
. ed at the very last place at the table
e said: You have found a way of MAX
ing this place, henceforth, place o
# honor"
" Theocritus, the pastoral poet, aske
a schoolmaster who read very badl
r why he didn't teach geometry. "Bt
d cause | do not know that science.
" Then why do you teach reading
e Theocritus asked.
:. King Antigonus, asked by a cynic fo
e a drachmo, said: That is hardly a gil
that a King should offer" The cyni
je replied: Then give me a talent
But is that gift that cynic shoul
Sc accept" was the Kings response.
e. Notwithstanding their age and tn
lie quaintness of the humor, the fun
1t these remaining specimens of classic,
le wit is clearly discernable.
." A fighter in the arena after ten u
T. successful attempts TO give the bull
It, mortal thrust was presented with
re champions wreath by the EmperC