The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1911-04-22
He Had a Strange
Infirmity
But Richards sister-In-Law Came TO
the Conclusion He Was
Shammlne.

SCA row. Brother Richard" said Mrs
M Dumble 10 her husbands broth
er. who had been visiting for a
couple % weeks. you're always saying
that youli be glad TO lend q hand when
your word. 1 wish you would get the
buggy whip and beat that carpet you
see on the line In the back yard"
i hate 10 refuse you. Mary Ann" said
Richard. but you have asked the one
thing that l can't eonsclentiousiy do. 1t
seems like a fatality that you should
make that particular request Ask me
anything else and you'n see me hustle
On Juollant feet 10 do IT, But beating
carpet Is the one occupation at which
must draw the line.
dont know just why Il is. but
whenever I beat carpets lose all con-
IIol or myself. and ny into a horrible
PASSION and do things that 1 regret Bit
terry afierward
The last time undertook 90 beat a
Ipet was to oblige a lady friend at
whose house 4 was visiting. Against my
oe'ter judgment I yielded to her en-
Ie'u,' aud GOT the buggy whip and be-
san beating the carpet. and the next
thIhs Knew four policemen were hold
NE down and couple OF nremen
We're turning the hose on me.
They told me that 1 ran amuck down
the main street % the village and sew
eral prominent citizens had been sent TO
tho hospital as the result or injuries
received az my hands.
1t Brought On Attacks.
81 always am subject to such attacks
when I beat carpets. can't explain the
why's and the wherefores. That is a
problem Tor tho psychologists. and
mos, interesting sDne. should say
We'll. that's too bad. or course /
won't ask You 20 beat the carpet II 4
Affects You that way. But. n you are
determined 70 help mo. suppose you 60
into the cellar ana sort ana cut up two
or three bushels Of seed potatoes. Some
boys are coming in the morning 10 plant
them and 81 have ttc potatoes ready
they'll get an early start
Really. Mary Ann. 10 Is Incompetent
sible that you should ask me TO do the
one thing that Is intolerable 10 me.
rs this chance. fatality or design
Are you a mind reader. that you seem
able 90 divine the tasks that am
Incapable 81 doing: can't explain why
80 o.. but ! CANE endure the scent %
raw potatoes. have swooned upon sew
eral occasions upon going into cellars
whore raw potatoes werc stored.
"it ls ono q those mysterious natural
ant!patli,a which battle analysis. You
viii remember that Anne Of Austria be-
came violently SICK whenever the per-
fr-ne ~ roses reached her. Many peo-
pie suffer genuine anguish u they are
D. ia the nc.ghh1rhopI % eats.
/ A Strange Infraity.
81 have woman friend who simply
I
a rauharo pie on tle table 81 front OF
her and she'll fro-h az The mouth and act
as though SIZE had The hydrophohia.
: "These ;l.r-s emit well be understood.
much less explained. and all We can do IN
] the presence o- such IA IEhrn.ty IS 20
make proper allowances cor o."
Pm AFRAID you're cousImmnte
fraud. Richard. ] notice that your an
/ tipathy 90 potatoes vanishcs when tSey
are boiled or fried"
That's tho strange thing about g.
Now. n you'd asks me 60 cut up baked
or boiled potatoes Tor the BOYS Co
plant you'd he aston shed az my indus
try. ana YOU'D Doe obliged % rctract
That's fho worst tt.ng about psv-
biological ir1rm.ty. a man gets no
fFrr1t.f whatever Even his sister
in-l1" -f'i. 1Iw 1 rpuelrrmlte fraud
ana points ifr .rE.~ nI sr.rr.
'lf rlu' 7.'.- bore with nv ler
go 90 sling arI put ua O. nitIfui whine
toHi -lte uc lfl thr old clothes tn TIE
house ard several quarters 10 money
rrl s4 .ar. meal and tel mo 90 come
a.rIr.
Called Vim a Fraud.
"l;ut because -1y a0'l-tion - tenn
per1mratai something chat you can't
arp'F p'uifee Oh or do up in q plaster
cast. rou Iuu.t uy integrity aul say
things which HrEl.. Sow Or SOU
would read some standard work on
Dr.. Nui.rf.
'uh. $50 along with sou, IIl cut Nd
t.oFa pet1fn.a MYSELF"