davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
Our Baseball Team.

Death and taxes are certain. To this
we must now add the fact that the
Washington baseball team is always at
the end of the procession.
A curious fatality seems to surround
our local nine. It never can get into
the first division, A long time ago
somewhere in the last generation
Washington had a nine that reflected
great credit upon the city. Nowadays
it seems impossible to secure players
who, individually and collectively, can
win a majority of the games. As a
last resort, Manager MeAleer proposes
to seaEeh throughout the country for
new men. With the season we'll ad-
vanced, the team, instead of being COM
pact and we'll organized, is trembling
upon the verge of dropping into the
last place. How this condition can be
remedied by importing a quantity of
new and untried material remains to
be seen. This may be the only solution
of the problem, but from the point of
view of the patron in the grand stand
it does not augur victory.
The situation must perplex and EN-
barrass the owners and managers of
the team as much as it does the base
ball public They know that a winning
nine is literally worth its weight in
gold, while a losing club is a bad in
vestment. They have evidently done all
in their power to strengthen their or
ganization, but still the slump con-
tinues. 1t is difficult to prophesy when
the team will pull itself out of the
slough into which it has foundered, but
the multitude of people in Washington
who are devotees of the game, and
whose faith in the management has
been demonstrated in a thousand ways,
hope that the winning streak may not
be long postponed.
1t still remains a mysterious fact,
however, that year after year, despite
new managers and players, the Wash
ington nine seems destined to be in
last place. .t.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
DIR. Ho11ander,, Fee.

Ffum the Ohio State Journal
DR.. Jacob Hollander is to be summoned
before House committee to explain how
it was that he received pay from this
government and from santo Domingo. too,
for acting as the latter's financial ad-
wiser. He took good pay from this
country and then 100000 from impover-
ished little Santo Domingo beside, and the
House committee wants to know about it.
What is the use in wanting to know?
When the doctor talks TO that committee
it viii apologize for ever suspecting that
there was anything wrong. There Is no
man living In whom logic, philosophy and
poetry are more lovingly combined than in
DR.. Hoilander. When the committee gets
through with him they will wonder how
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
The Remunerative Cemetery.



John Wanamaker, who, as Postmaster
General, was hampered in his attempt to
make the post-office pay by what he
termed the four chief reasons against the
establishment of parcels post-namely,
the four big express companies-was dis
cussing recent attempt to cut down the
annual deficit. 1T seems" said Mr.. Wan
amaker, that a certain country church
was also short Of money, and its clerk,
a dried old fossil, who was also the
grasping president of the village bank,
saw an apparent way out of the finan-
eial difficulty. We have added said he,
as he slowly and impressively read his
report at the annual meeting of the par
ish, four acres Of very fertile land to
the south side of our cemetery, and we
look for an unusually large increase from
this addition"
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
AS OTHERS SEE 1T.

From the Norfolk Ledger-Ddspateh.
straws also show the way the cool
drinks CO.
Prom ths New York World.
The greatest invention would be how
to inherit money.
Fsnm the Youngstown Telegram.
A loaded revolver is q dangerous bed
fellow.
From the Baltimore Sun.
All roads lead to the ice cream soda
fountain.
From the Chicago Record Herald
What a splendid thing IT would be II
somebody could devise a scheme for the
segregation OF the Joy-riders and the
boat-roekers.
From the Pittsburg Sun.
However important a trust decision may
be, the pressing business here is to keep
on the shady side Of the street.
From the Rochester Herald.
II anything will start the colonel in
the direction Of the north pole, we should
think 1t would be this weather.
Frm the Pittsburg Press
What we want to know Is whether
Queen Mary's coronation train, sixty feet
long, has red or green lights on the ca
boose.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
The Precious Baby.

From the Philadslphia EFeuing Times.
professor Of the University of Penn
sylVania, who has greatly endeared him
self to the students on account OF his
kind-heartedness, has one particular fall
ing-that q Observation-Disclosures.
He visited his married nephey a few
days ago and had listened to the young
wife's praise OF her first born.
The gentleman felt that he must say
something to give the impression that he
was interested.
Can the dear little fellow walk?" he
inquired quietly.
WALK" shouted the mother. Why,
he has been walking for five months!"
Dear met exclaimed the professor,
lapsifg again into abstraction, what a
long way he must have got!"
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
vases Msds Before R.oau..

From the National Magazine.
Much earlier than the exodus. the
Egyptian goldsmiths made gold and sill
yer vases Of elegant shape and taste
full orpamentation, others inlaid, en-
grayed and studded with precious stones
or daintily enameled and embossed,
while vases made In alabaster, glass.
refractory stone as basalt, pSrphyry
and serpentine, with which modern
museums still abound. testify to great
skin and versatility OF design and work
manship Many Of the cheaper utensils
were merely reeeptacles for the cos
metics, perfumes and medicaments for
which Egypt was famed throughout the
ancient world.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
CURIOUS BITS OF HISTORY
By A. w. MACY.
A LUCKY sTUMBLE.

Once upon a time, at q dane
Ing party at Windsor, q young
Welsh soldier stumbled and fell,
lending in the lap OF a lady who
was sitting by and looking on.
Strange to say, this mishap was
the beginning OF a love affair
between the two, which culmf-
mated in their marriage. The
lady was Catherine, widow OF
Henry " Of England. The
young soldiers name was owen
Tudor, Three children were born
to them, the eldest Of whom,
Edmund Tudor, married Mar
garet Beaufort. daughter OF
the Duke Of Somerset. A son
Of Edmund and Margaret be-
came Henry VII, and. beginning
with him. and including Henry
VIII, Edward vi, Queen Mary.
and Queen Elizabeth. the line
OF Tudors ruled England for 1Is
years. It was q lucky stumble
for the young Welsh soldier. but
in view OF ssme things the Tu-
dors did to them, It Is doubtful
whether It was lucky for the
people OF England.
Copyright, isll. b Joseph B. Boviskl
To-masrsw-rRiaiRg fhe 'stans.s
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
The Wedding Ring Finger.

rHthn Lne new IoTk fress.
Society women in Denver have been
looking into the history OF the we'd
ding ring, and their researches have
disclosed that the finger on which the
circle is worn was chosen because It
is supposed to contain the blood vein that
runs directly to the heart One woman
who looked the subject up for her club
reported that the old rhyme, "As your
ring wears, you'll live out your cares"
aided her in learning the evolution of
the practice that distinguishes married
women from the single ones. The we'd
ding ring has undergone many changes
from the one Of iron to the splendid bev-
eled gold circIet that is worn to-day,
but the wedding ring finger always has
remained the same. The origin Of the
bridal veil is a subject OF dispute in
women's clubs. The Denver woman as
serts Mary Tudor wore the first wedding
veil In Western Europe.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
what Mr.. carnesie KNOWS.

Mr.. Carnegie win be asked by the
government to tell what he knows about
the organization OF the steel trust. He
knows a heap. II he will take his in
quisitors thoroughly Into his confidence.
not only as to what they may ask OF
him but as to what he knows, they
ought to know in order to effect a COM
piete uncovering of the subject matter
under investigation, he win be able to
put his feilow-countrymen under last
ing obligation. It viii be a benefaction
of far greater value than the vast sums
nevolent objects.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
Clever, Isn't Hg

From an Exchange.
What would you make Of the followinsI
That that is is that that is not is not Is
not that II it Is.
This shows the Importance of punetua-
ton. for behold how simple the whole
thing becomes when properly punetuatsd,
Here II Is:
That that is, is; that that Is not. is not.
Is not that II? IT is.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
ToURING EUROPE.

TOURING EUROPE.
The roads were fine along the Rhine,
Our car was new.
We oiled the gear, abandoned fear,
And fairly hew.
We couldn't glance at passing France.
That land unique:
And Italy appeared to Be
ASnying streak.
Our trip. guess, was q success
And every land, you understand.
Was but blur.
At an Afterneon Tea.
That fellow IL evidently q poet"
Tive seen him ct . good many teas,
but never heard him recite any poetry"
Maybe not; but look at him eat
A sad BLOW.
"cholly says his European trip was
completely spoiled"
"As to how9
Seems q careless porter lost q label
OF his suit case"
The Usual Array.
And now the bride, with pensive pride,
her presents counts once morei OF berry
spoons she's seventeen; OF cake knives
twenty-four.
There's q Reason.
When man abets the suffragettes
And Joins the whirl,
He's apt to prove enamored Of
A certain girl.
Or the Home.
why do women want to monkey with
peliticsT
"Jpst what say. womsn's place is
the bridge club"
Arctic Fare.
Tim going to quit telling people I'm a
returned arctic explorer"
''whyf"
"As soon as I ask for something to eat
they call the dog"
Hardly Worth While.
viii you love me alwaysr inquired
the summer girl.
Certainly, II you wish II" replied the
summer man. But III only be at the
beach two weeks"
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
Copyright, 1911. by court Gossip syndicaisJ
senator Poindexter Appreciated.

Editor Tie Washington Herald.
Senator Poindexter's patriotic address,
delivered before members of Nelson A.
Miles Camp, No. /, Spanish War Vet
Grams, which was exclusively published
in your issue of yesterday, was the sub
ject matter of favorable comment by
many Of my comrades who read The
Washington Herald,
Senator Poindexter Is a true friend Of
any deserving man who ever wore his
couptry's blue, He stands for the en-
listed and former enlisted mans rights,
and, indeed, IL would be well for our
country IL all Of the legislators now In
Congress shared with Senator Poindexter
in patriotic consideration of our coun-
try's fighting men. Unfortunately, OF
late years in our busy strides in CONNER
cialism and desire for wealth, the poor
old soldier of 1s61-1S65, and his comrade
OF the Spanish war the brave man who
made the country what 1t is to-day, Is
apparently forgotten, and 1t seems thst
only on such occasions as Memorial Day
is he really given any attention.
unhesitatingly say. as q former sef-
der, that honorahly discharged veterans
Of the civil and Spanish wars should. all
things being equal. be preferred In all
appointments. regardless of the disability
clause, and where our comrades exercise
the right OF votIpg--of course, in the Dis
trict OF Columbia we can only talk-they
should see to 1t that their Cengressmen
sometimes give consideration TO his "sol-
der constituent" II we were good
enough citizens to answer our counfr's
ean to arms. we are surely good enough
citizens 70 be thought Of when II comes
20 appointing fruatForthy, honest, and
faithful men 70 public cflce.
WILLIAM ~ HICKEY
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
a PrsisaIssa Judge.

INl-I llIo -I-11III u
OF the challenging Of Jurors one re-
members q tale from Ireland. The
prisoner was hard to satisfy, and jury
man after jvryInan was asked to leave
the box However. AL things come to
an end, even in Ireland. and at last the
swearing OF the jury was completed.
Ard then the prisoner leaned over the
dock and sought the ear Of his soiici-
toz.
The jury's al right nov. think" he
whispered, fbBt ye must challenge the
Judge. rye been convicted under him
siyirai times aIready, and maybe he's
beginnin' TO hevs prejudice.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
HOME NEWS waIEAwAY

To keep n touch WITH homs
news wsshtpgfoninns Iesvlns TIE
city should not fall 70 have The
washlngtou HerG1d mailed ~
them. II win be seat pFenptIr.
ana addreeasE may be ehanesa e.
often ~ desfred Effhaut later.
ruptIon of eervloe.
Mnil order o. 'phpns 1lnIn saoa.
ssy'ng sHs els see ppw neaErssee.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
Not q Chance.

From the Pdnestan Tiger.
Flim-why couldn't Black get his lIss
Insured?
extra hazardous risk.
Flim-How sos
Flam-Hjs wife = surragstta
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
UnhandieaDping Her Imasination.

From me Hcoton Ifanad1pL
Maud-why does Kate take or her
wedding ring whenever she sits down to
read nogeig
Ethel--Beeaaise she enjoys reading one
better e she can temporarily FORGET that
she's marxied
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

The brilliant pictures OF farm life in
Mexico have been absent from the press
since revolutions earthquakes, and sun
strokes are the fashion.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

The capitalists forming the bread trust
seem TO have little fear of the presecu-
tions promised by Attorney General wick
ersham In the OIL and Tobacco cases.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

The fortune left by the Great Lafayetts
VIII drive many more honest lsbering
men and women TO the trials OF ,one-night
stands
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

The temperature OF 10 in Milwaukee
bars 1t as a summer capital despite its
refreshing beverage.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

The representatives Of European powers
might well be thoughtful after the parade
Of the manly Boy Scouts, for they are the
coming warriors.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

From the Weather Bureaus report Of
the heat at summer resorts. II would be
safest to remain in washington for that
vacation.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

The automobile and the aeroplane are
running the unstable rowbcats and
canoes close race for the seasons death
record.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

Harmon is at least one lap ahead in the
1872 Presidential race, for Bryan has not
exposed him of late In the Commoner
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
DOCTORS FIGHT
INSURANCE BILL
Practitioners Fear PROPOSE
tiOn of Lloyd George.
MONEY LOSS WILL FOLLOW

Medical Profession DenOunces the
Measure As Death Knen of LIveII-
hOOd-MiIIions VIII Take Advan-
taEe of Cheap Attepdanee-DOctor
Will Become State Official.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

"shake Well Before Using."
From the Fliegsnds Blasttg.
} "And when shall take the sleeping
draft, doctor?'
well. about fifteen minutes before you
go to sleep"
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
WhaRn a Hnhann

Fsa.n ste chieaeo News
qears . eetzingI
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

From the Baltimore Sun.
All roads lead to the ice cream sod
fountain.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

Or the Home.
why do women want to monkey with
peliticsT
"Just what say. woman's place is
the bridge club"
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

Fnm the Youngstown Telegram.
A loaded revolver is q dangerous bed
fellow.
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

Tim going to quit telling people I'm g
returned arctic explorer"
'fwhyf'
"As soon as I ask for something to cal
they call the dog"
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12
At an Afternaon Tea.

That fellow is evidently poet"
I've seen him ct . good many teas,
'ut never heard him reoite any poetry"
Maybe not; but look at him eat
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

HardIY Worth While,
VIII you love me elwaysT" inquired
the summer girl.
Certainly, II you wish It." replied the
summer man. But I'll only be at the
beach two weeks"
The Washington herald., 1911-06-12

If anything will start the colonel in
the direction Of the north pole, we should
think 1t would be this weather.
The Laclede blade., 1911-07-07
The Franchise Election

Next Monday, July 10, is the
day set for the special city election
on the proposition of granting an
electric light franchise to Percy
W. Markham of Brookfeld. If
the franchise is granted it will do
away with the bond issue voted
last September, because not one
cent of money raised by taxation
can be used to aid a private enter
prise. While the proposition
voted on and carried last year was
the best that was offered then, the
granting of the franchise will prob
ably suit the taxpayers better,
because no one will have to pay
anything unless he uses the lights.
If there is enough money in the
city treasury to pay for lighting
the streets, we will have street
lights; if not, the city will be
under no obligations to use them.
A large number of our citizens
are anxious to have electric lights
in Laclede. The city is not able
to put in a plant Of it's own. 1t
would not be a paying proposition.
Other towns of this size and even
larger have tried it and failed.
Under the proposed plans the city
assumes no obligations and takes
no risks. No citizen will use the
service unless he wishes to do so.
The owner of the franchise will
erect and equip the system and keep
it in repair.
The BLADE favors granting the
franchise as the means of getting
the best service at the least cost.
The business men of Laclede favor
it. The heavy taxpayers are for
it. Shall we have lights? It's up
to you.
The Laclede blade., 1911-07-07
M. E. Church Notes
>Quite a number Of visitors looked
in on us Sunday morning.

~Quite number Of visitors looked
in on us Sunday morning.
Notwithstanding the excessive
heat, the record was a good one.
One hundred and eighty were
present at Sabbath school with So. So
collection. Glass 9 were the generous
givers. Glass Z were all present.
The record for the quarter is a
most excellent one. The average
attendance was ia, with an av-
erage collection of 1896. The
missionary collection was $24.17
Teachers, Bigger, hove, Harter,
and Heath, together with the Su-
perintendent, secretary, and IL
.brarian were present every Sab
bath. Seven other teacheys were
absent only one Sabbath.
The total missionary collection
for the year is $53.77. We have
only three more collections to raise
the one hundred dollars. Last
year our birthday offering was
$4,000. Next Sabbath we are to
bring our annual offering. Surely
we can do as we'll as last year.
The cause is worthy of our earnest
effort.
The Blues" are hustling the
Reds, being only eleven points
behind them.
Having compassion on pastor
and people, the bell did not ring
for service last Sunday night.
Bro. j. W. Anderson of Keokuk,
Iowa, was a visitor at morning
service. He was here to attend
the funeral of his uncle, r. A.
David, who was buried Monday.
The fourth and last quarterly
conference for the year will be held
Monday, July %. Let us keep it
in mind and be able to make final
reports in good shape at that time
The Laclede blade., 1911-07-07
Local and Personal

Attend the band concert next
Wednesday evening.
Mrs. G. G. Moberly has spent the
week in Kansas City.
Ward Welsh, Bert Weaver,
Harold Butterfeld, Walter Cramer,
and James De Voy Of Brookfeld
attended the band concert We'd
nesday evening.
= Landen Hurlbut, eldest son of
Homer F. Hurlbut, and his friend,
Leland Dennis, came down from
Kansas City Monday and spent the
Fourth with Laclede relatives and
friends.
Geo. w. Anderson, Taylor
Weaver and Postmaster A. j..
Caywood attended district meet
ing of the Modern Brotherhood of
America at Hamilton Wednesday
as delegates from the local lodge. :
Mr.. and Mrs. J. w. Johnston of
Fulton came Sunday morning for
a visit with their son, A. E. john
ston, and wife. Mr.. Johnston re-
turned home Tuesday, while Mrs.
Johnston will remain a few days.
AS usual, the band concert in
the park Wednesday evening was
well attended and greatly enjoyed.
Those who have been attending
concerts notice a great i'm
provement in the boys playing,
and they are also adding new Sc
lections to their repertoire each
week.
The Laclede blade., 1911-07-07
FORMER FORKER GIRL DROWNED
Mrs. Edith Humphfres Lost Her Lie at Kansas
City Wednesday Particulars Not Known

A telegram was received here
late W ednesday afternoon briefly
stating that Mrs. Edith Humphfres,
daughter Of Mr.. and Mrs. @. A.
Read Of Forker, had drowned at
Kansas City, Kans., and that there
was little hope Of recovering her
body. No details of the accident
are known. Mr.. Read and 7. l..
Humphfres went to Kansas City
early Thursday morning to see
what could be done toward recover
ing her body.
Mrs. Humphfres lived in Kansas
and was on her way to <Forker to
visit her parents and had stopped
at Kansas City to visit friends.
She had expected to reach Laclede
Wednesday night.
She was born at the family home
near Forker about thirty years ago
and lived there until her marriage
to Elmer Humphfres about seven
years ago, and had been in Kansas
three or four years. She leaves a
husband and one little son. The
sympathy of the whole community
goes out to the sorrowing relatives.
The Laclede blade., 1911-07-07
Christian Church Notes

Rev. Merrill will fill his regular
appointment Saturday evening at
s O'Clock and Sunday at II a. m.
and s p. m.
Sunday school at 10 a. M.
Endeavor meeting at Z p. m.
Prayer meeting + "Wednesday
evening at s o'clock.
Willing workers meeting every
Thursday. ~
You are cordially invited to these
services.
The Laclede blade., 1911-07-07
More Locals

Miss Nellie McGFew of Chilli
cotIle spent the fourth with L4n
clede friends.
Mrs. Dora Loekridge came over
from MeadviIle Saturday to spend
a few days with Laclede friends.
Misses Coral Hannum and Lucille
Smith of Brookfeld were guests of
Miss Viva Caywood Tuesday.
Mrs. Mary Baskin and children
Of Memphis, Tenn, arrived Mon
day for a visit with her mother,
Mrs, Ellen Wallace, and family on
route one.
Numerous picnic parties from
Laclede and neighboring towns
and country spent Tuesday on
Locust creek and greatly enjoyed
their outing.
Sunday school at the Baptist
church at 10 a. m. every Sunday.
Prayer meeting Friday night.
All are cordially invited.
The W. F. NJ. S. will send a
Christmas box to Bessie Wells.
Anyone wishing to contribute any
thing such as percale, gingham,
soap, calico, medicine, please send
to Mrs. J. L. Burke. Box to be
packed July q.
Another one of those splendid
open air concerts is to be given
by the Laclede Concert Band in the
park next Wednesday evening,
July 12. Ice cream and cake will
be served by: the Modern Brother
hood lodge and everybody is in
vited to come and enjoy the music
and patronize the refreshment
stand.
It will be noticed that the BLADE
is carrying an unusual amount of
advertising this week. Several of
the big BrookfeId merchants are
having special sales, beginning
next week, and those who are
looking for bargains in dry goods
can find them at the stores of the
Halliburton Hartman Dry Goods
Co., the BrOokfeld Dry Goods Co.
and Oliver Cramer in BrOQkfeld
next week.