The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-04-22
Gifts In Courtship
Days and Delayed
Wedding Bells

VERY often the girl herself is to
blame for the postponement of
marriage, although she never thinks of
it in that way. Just consider. Here is
girl who delights III little trips on
summer days, who enjoys an evening
at the play or in the concert hall. She
is devoted to small presents, but on
her birthday and about Christmas time
she expects to get something out of
the ordinary. Flowers are joy to her,
cab rides a pleasure, street car rides a
horror, and so forth.
Now, that girl, let us say. is engaged.
She is looking forward to marriage
nay, more, she is eagerly waiting on
that day when the services of clergy
man viii be required.
What about the young man? Well.
he, too, is eager for rnatrimony, but he
is perhaps a sensible fellow and does
not think it would be right to marry
without a respectable nest egg. Where
10 that nest egg to come from If the
girl uses up every penny of the hard
cash that might be laid by against the
coming of a marriage day?
In short, every expensive present a
girl receives from her lover, every
mic party attended, every seat occu-
pied at a theater means the further
postponement of marriage. Why won't
girls think? Can man save money and
spend it at the same time? Surely one
cannot eat ones cake and have tim
possibIeI
Does a girl really love the man whom
she allows to lavish gifts on her, or
has she but consented to become en-
ragged for the things she would re-
ceive?
The fact is that a sensible girl should
see to 1t that her lover does not squan-
der money on her. During the court
ing period it is the girls duty to make
a man save. No, no; she must not tell
him to save, but she can by self denial
make him do so.
1t is very nice, no doubt, to go on
trips and to have pretty presents
showered on one, but If they delay
marriage isn't 1t rather absurd?
The truth may be told-young men
detest having to give girls gifts. Real
" they don't want to do anything of
the kind. They feel compelled to do it,
but they kick-they do thc-t. Most
manly fellows want to lay money aside
so that they may the sooner be able to
lead the maids they love 20 the altar.
Now, the argument may be advanc-
ed. Why don't young men just tell girls
frankly that they would rather not
spend money on them? All very well.
but young fellows have the idea that
girls look on the man who does not
give presents as stingy creature, and,
believe me, no man wants a girl to
think of him as stingy. The bulk of
men would rather have marriage post
poned indefinitely than have that sort
of idea get into girls head.
There is this, too-the giving of
presents, and so forth, has nothin to
do with love. Because a man showers
things on a girl it in no way indicates
that he ardently loves her. The real
fact is that the poorer the present the
deeper the affection. as a rule. Like
this, the man who gives a handsome
present wants something in return for
it-perhaps more kisses-but he who
gives a small gift looks for no reward.
He gives it as a present without any
thought in his mind of a return.
If a man is not encouraged to save
money during the counting season, il
he has been allowed to be lavish as a
lover, he win also be lavish as a hus-
band, but with this difference-that he
will then only be lavish toward him
self.