The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1911-07-29

'NtGl tliNG ~ ItlS V}IF year = AHtNfu~
bency of his place. in which he had
fondly anticipated he might remain
for years. 1t reminded him OF Il
graVestone he had seen in Connect
cut, with the inscription "Methuselah
Smith, aged one year."
lady instructed her little boy
invited out to lunch, that when he
was asked to have a second helping
o. cake he should refuse. You must
say, mo. I thank you. I've had
forget II He didn't. When asked
IT he'd have some more cake. he said
NO, l thank You. l Sc lad enough.
and don't YOU forget IT,"
a parson was loudly inveighing
against certain schools lie finished
by declaring that he was thankful
he had never rubbed up against anv
one DO | understand the brother
to say that he thanks God for his
ignorance asked the bishop. We'll.
yes. If you want to put ii that way.
ne repitIi. Then all 1 have to
ndd.' said The bishop. unctuously, is
that the brother has a great deal to
be thankful THE Argonaut.
One day while the late William r.
Travers was sojourning at Bermuda
he came to the wharf to see the ar
rivals. Meeting an acquaintance. he
said. "Ah. Merrill. what brings you
down here ," oh Just came for A
little change and rest" sorry to dis
courage you" said Travers; but In,
afraid you'il go home without either"
Flows that" said Merrill oh"
said Travers. the walters will get
ali the change, and the landlord will
get all the rest"
contractor from Chicago claimed
that they put up buildings faster
there than in New York. Sure"
said the Chicagotn, they will he
digging for the foundation of, fiftv-
two-story building to-day. and in two
| weeks it viii be finished " "Wcli.
that's nothing to the way they do
things here" the New Yorker re-
toried. Let me telf you that the
DAY before yesterday they began
building a twenty STORY apartment ~,
our block. and this morning they vera
d4sp0ssessing some of the tenants for
neing behind with their rent "-F,,-
gineering Contracting.
~ Suburban Reason. subbubs
]rasaah[. by did Diogenes live In a
quo johnny so the ne,0hbars
TN I,aqaa, befrow H. l suppose truth.
/ D'ieated Candidate ''Yep enroo, =
AGED me To run for the offfca w W.
Ai'"" You did You said YOU ,houpbf
"o' .g '7etze a bad alderman" Trus-
- aenehmdn, 'tEen the rar,,r+r8
seem TO show that / was right"
/ according to the following "a5 j.,
o "0', r seem that Cambridge has COW
80 accomplishments wanted
r. 70 ~
rDSN after garden and milk cow
VINO mas good voice and il aocne .
'''''e0 10 sing in the choir"
ne motofist emerged from benae+h
,ile car and struggled for breath ais
r - al friend, holding the oil can
leaned upon him. I've inst ct
the cylinder thorough o sI,, T n,-,t
o ot,.,. man, said the helpful friend
iihaer said the motors, 49,
r NJ, That wasn't the cylinder r.
was my ear IL
,. ne tate Dean Hook Of Chlaester x,a 9
sn,ith oe'oNed, A quaint old black
ne ola mans only fault - s'iq ueah
.achinent To the house an5 t+ --s a.
j ny, oeAh Rad frequently rebnks6 ~,
4 ~ p"$' the dean saw the hlarL[s,,,f+5-
laIHihs seriously to his son. 1,bn -
Nai,ea out "Halloa, Tom what s-a
yo',rs ~ 10 co Wit hthat hoy If
! dont. ne Old man advanced Ia the
/ ooo5 and replied: "Nhat am ~ e, ne
10 90 with him Wei. fw1tl ION SING ing
,''t am going to do with ,9,- s ~
80 SV . cannot DO with yol!rs .,t5,
lN0eeu said the dean 80, -,
, Ia IS mat? Why, / am eoint, 81 ~
g ,,,Ne a Better man of him thai, b,s
ne Glasgow News
a little boy was reading IN hte g.
etsn history an account Of tha hat,1,
! ~ paihpckburn. He read No Toiy+@.. '.e
Ailu When the English saw ~ 80.
] 5'+1'as On the hill behind. their spirits
Nse,'ihe dampened." The fearbe,. - =. IS
49, @@Ast$ wti4s f9earft~ rs. T2{n5t,s,.
,,rsh .la''n spirits The boy. nor com
leiIefid'ils the meaning. stmrJv on
swered. Putin water ia tba P'S az
key IA tne Whus-
ooa. memo Fry to hang on for another
, e"up1s OF minutes The ut,idrs Nh,
soo'i pe here with ropes. Jarlev fubn
-, las 1ailen over eliff in the Abs ana
- hanging on 10 a littla 49, ehta
one hand; "All right, old bov' WIN
stand 1t; i haven't been hano,,,e. e +'n
1890 ,,n,,ti road straps for ten years foT
- tHesuineS reading his M
per'l-Harpers Needy. $50 pa
MISS tiarissa. who was I'M In +ho
a,uc was heard calling down IN auiS
800, tones della ldelia! I'm SURE r
s,,,sia smoke. For mercy's sake. ses n
80 'nihs anre'" Don't worry. Char
Ts ~ lsnt In the house" M6ss
iaeiia shouted back from the rrort
upor' It's Jones Simpkin's new harm >
,- ~ that all screamed Miss Clartssa
We got TWO pies in the oven. ana
THOUGHT They might be burning IN :.
or Elias Howe il IL relatet, th.., .,....
en oTuefed to do guard duty over
seN efai wagons captured during tha
oay. ne reported at the tent Of his
superior ofiieer, check book in hand
ana snlVeriug nightly at is fearf1Tli>,
colo out there. he remarked ar voy,
are willing. would rather nav fnr
those wagons than guard them. V5hat,s
tHe uamaSeF One thousand dollars
Was the prompt reply: and Privafa
tfo~e PAL dit without demur. ana rs-
urea TO his tent to get a nights sIeen
Ere. Bill, wot's the martens
. Ael "a looass worried. ssyy,ar,s8,.
morning bur work from mornin' TN,
hlgnt, ow long ave YOU been at
\ begin tomorrow"
nat do You think IF the plot ,"
asked the theatre manager. THAT
ism a plot replied the man who
hao paid So 10 see the show. That's
conspiracy. Washington Star.