davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
RUBBER OYSTERS.
They Brought Trade and Saved Their
Inventor From Failure.

They Brought Trade and Saved Their
Inventor From Failure.
Rubber oysters laid the foundation
of my success" said a millionaire ho-
tel man.
II had a small saloon in them days.
and things looked very black. They
looked, in fact, like bankruptcy. So
in desperation / cut an old rubber
dOOrmat into oyster shaped pieces on
April l and fried them in egg and
breadcrumbs to a tasty brown.
There was only one man in the bar
when I fetched in that dish, Of smOk-
ing rubber oysters. His eyes glittered,
and he grabbed a fork, jabbed it into
a big fellow and took a hungry bite.
Seeing the surprised look that
spread over his face, 1 turned away to
hide a smile He gave an awkward
laugh and said:
Them's fine oysters. I'll bring a
couple of the boys in to sample them
''Sure enough. he brought two
friends a half hour later. The friends
10 sooner saw the appetizing rubber
oysters than, setting down their beer,
they each sunk their teeth in one
They, too. sent in friends for Oys-
ters. 1 fried up no less than three old
1Oormats and two OveFshoeS that April
fool day. The whole town laughed.
and the papers printed funny stories
about my joke. My joint got real
popular.
I'm short | was Saved-Saved from
bankruptcy by rubber oysters" -
/ Washington Post.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
The Misnuided Friend,

De Chappie-If there's any one nui-
sance / hate more than another it's a
fellow who is always going around in
Producing people. There's GOOdheaTt,
for instance.
Bouttown-W What's he been doing?
De Chappie-The idiot! The other
lay he introduced me to a man I owed
money to, and I'd been owing it so
long he'd forgotten all about me. Now
PH have to pay up or be sued.-Lon-
Ion Telegraph.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
Just the Opposite.

An Irishman at a fair got poked in
the eye with a stick and took proceed
ings against the offender.
Said the magistrate, "COme, now,
you don't really believe he meant to
put your eye out"
Faith, you're right this time" said
Pat, "fOr 1 believe he tried to put it
farther in."-London Tit-Bits.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
CATCHING On.

Young Mr.. Struckett-R -Ritch was eat
ing his first meal at a real restaurant.
what are thoseF' he asked, point
ing at the finger bowls the waiter had
Just brought TO the table.
Those are TO wash your fingers in,
sir" said the waiter.
"Oh, I know that" Tejoined young
.Struckett- -Ritch. with remarkable pos
session. 81 mean are they cut glassp
Chicago Tribune.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
Not Idle Curiosity.

Mrs. Wanterbnowe-I should like to
know, Mr.. W. why you are so cross
when I ask questions. Surely you
don't think I have idle curiosity?
"Great Scott, no! Yours is the most
perniciOusly active. wide awake, sleep
less, energetic curiosity it was ever my
fate to encounter"
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
Still WONDERING.

The deaf man got out of the tram
car on to the other line of rails.
Look out! There's a car cOming!'
cried the conductor.
''What?' said the deaf man.
There's a car coming"
"WhatP
Just then the car caught and knock
ed down the deaf man, and as he pick
ed himself up he said:
Il wonder what that fool kept me
there talking abOutp'-LOndon Mail.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
The Teachers College.

Special opportunities for teachers
Regular college courses in psychOl-
ogy, pedagogy, education, etc, with
degree of A. B.; pedagogical courses
leading to Ph B. degree. High-grade
courses in normal training, music,
manual arts and domestic sciences.
Graduates helped to positions Lewis
B. Moore, A. NJ, Ph, D., dean.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
PROFESSIONAL SCHOOLS.
The School of Theology.

Interdenominational. Five profes-
sors. Broad and thorough courses.
Advantages of connection with a great
university. Students aid. Low ex-
penses. Isaac Clark, D. D., dean.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
THE SCHOOL OF MEDICINE.
Medical, Dental and Pharmaceutica
Colleges.

Forty-nine professors. Modern Ia
boratories and equipment Connected
with new Freedmen's Hospital, cost
ing a half million dollars. Clinical IA
cilities not surpassed in America
Postgraduate school and polyclinic
Edward A. Balloch, NJ. D., dean,
Fifth and w Streets, Northwest. w.
c. Mcneil, NJ. D., secretary, 0oI R
Street, Northwest.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
Betty and the kitten-

Betty is only four and often in her
excitement she makes very odd re-
marks. The other day she cried out,
"Oh, mother, there's a dear maitine
kitten all curdled up in the cornerp'
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
The Moral Stimulus of Good Clothes.

= ne MOFdI okimuIuS OF GOOD JIOtnes.
Men grow in self respect rs they
wear good clothes. Their clothes earn
them the approval of their fellows
In turn they are forced to grow to fill
the measure of good opinion, so that,
forced forward by the clothes he
wears, men attain to their highest
pabiIfty-SaTtOrial Art Journal.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
The Execution,

Doesn't your husband like cats.
Mrs. Binks?"
mo, indeed. He hates all cats ex-
cept a little kitty they have at his
club. American.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
The School of Law.

Faculty of eight. Courses of three
years, giving a thorough knowledge
of theory and practice of law. Occu-
pies own building opposite court
house. BENJAMIN F. Leighton
Ii. B., dean, 4zO Fifth Street, North
west.
For catalogue and special informa-
ton. address Dean of Department.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
The Commercial College

ply. commercial law, history, civics,
etc. Business and English high school
education combined. George W.
Cook, A. M, dean.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
Musical Note,

a newspaper says of a recent oper-
Itic performance, THE ladies, the bar
tone and the bass were good. and so
were the tenor's Intentions
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
The College of Arts and Sciences.

Devoted to liberal studies. Courses
IN English, mathematics, Latin,
Greek, French, German, physics,
chemistry, biology, history, philoso-
ply, and the social sciences, such as
are given il the best approved col
leges. Sixteen professors. Kelly
Miller, A. M, dean.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
A Feat For Willie.

Teacher-Willie if you had five eggs
In the basket and laid three on the
table, how many would you then
have? Willie Eight-Life.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
HOWARD UNIVERSITY
WASHINGTON, D. c.
Wilbur P. Thirkield, LIZ. D., Presi-
dent.

Located in Capital of the Nation
Campus of over 20 acres. Advant-
ages unsurpassed. Modern scientific
and general equipment. New Carnegie
Library, New science hall Faculty
of over one hundred. 1882 students
from 81 States and 10 other countries
Unusual opportunities for self-sup-
port. No young man or woman of
energy or capacity need be deprived
of its advantages.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
School of Manual Arts and Applied
Sciences.

Furnishes thorough courses. Six
instructors Offers four-year courses
in mechanical and civil engineering
and architecture.
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
The Academy.

Faculty of I3. Three courses of
four years each. High-grade prepara-
tory school. George J. Cummings,
A. NJ, dean
The Washington bee., 1911-08-26
Fosters DYE Works

FOSTERS DYE AND CLEANING
WORKS.
(You Street, between nth and 18th
Streets, Northwest)
Business and Display Office,
nth and You Streets, Northwest
CALL AND INSPECT OUR
WORK.
Ladies' suits a speciality.
Gentlemen's suits cleaned, presseo
and spOnged.
Gloves cleaned
All goods look like new when they
leave our works.
The evening world., 1911-08-19

One Of our Most Subtle Forms OF
The evening world., 1911-08-19

Make him a GENTLEMAN-cIean and fine ana honorable.
Make him a LOVER-chirdhousa and knt9hty.
Mould him Of steel and iron. yet M him rith a tender reverence for
LITTLE WOMEN and a Oenfhness for all things pedk and small
Make him the kim. that laugheth In the teeth Of the storm and the face
OF che lightning. yet bendeth in distress above a fallen bird.
Make him ALL MASCULINE. pet put into his soul ONE finer. feminine
streak, even the iOe Of the BEAUTIFUL; Of romance and OF poetry OF
douers and Of little children: OF nature and Of books, OF hills and valleys
and quiet places by the cater side
For a M a that scornehh these things Is something less than a Man and
little moreh than a brute.
Yea, and he that lopcth these things shah nerer foHoW after strange
gods; neither the almighty dollar, M the almighty fesh-pots. 20 the
almighty panites Of the Bounder, nr the almighty pefinesses OF the Snoo.
Give him a body strong and vibrant. broad OF shoulder and cleon Of
Hmb-and PLENTY OF hair upon his head.
Deliver him from LITTLENESS; for a GREAT sin I may endure, but o
SMALL man, po IA bear htm'
Endoo him pih a LEVEL HEAD. for a sinner may forsake his ia.
ming but a FOOL SHAH nerer depart from hi. folly.
Give him the spirit OF eternal youth, wth its everlasting HOPE.
Give him a broad mind, pth its unbounded CHARITY.
Give him high ideals aud unspeakabe FAITH in himself.
For pih these he shan play his part In the Game OF Lite nth porer
and skill, SO that phether h, succeed or fail the uorld shall say OF him:
NE WAS A MAN"
Yet into the pure alchemy OF his nature let tall ONE DROP Of WEAK.
NESS, tchch shan soften and leauen the phoe Of It,
And let this be his LOVE for MEi
Lord. I pray thee, " thou dot no send me SUCH q man, then send ~
non whatever, that I may keep nv DREAM fine and tatr," osd nss
IDEAL unshanyed BY bitter Reahtv.
The evening world., 1911-08-19

The Time to
Wake Up is BEFORE all the Goodies
have been Handed Out!
Nake-Bel!eve Is not even a Ninety
Seventh Cousin of Make-Good!
ThG Time Merit Year YouW Vaguely
Wonder Why You Worried
Tue LAmentAtion Of the Loser Is
Ausdo In Desuny's Ears!
It's moro than a Few Steps out
e the Shadow into the Sunshine!
A. soon - we Begin to DO Satisfied
with Ourselves our Speed slows down
- . TrudEe!
Tho Winner knows how TO Wait. but
- doesn't Overpiay that stun!
The DhoIe Science Of Auto.Hvp-
aosts u contained In the Phrase: ~
CAN AND Wilt"
No 6vre.Dnou0h Desire to Reform
ON BE- Ntted ottA Q Hoid-Out At.
locAMeSsi
The evening world., 1911-08-19

Fedisrs Pet when he . to Trudge
tho Beach for Three OF -Four Months.
Waiting for Q Ship!
The evening world., 1911-08-19

A1uih6 20. VIue Wv tOru WOW1s
Better to Overlook . Bet" than Make
q Punkcrino One!
Tho Maybe" Man u always . Mtni..
ture!
Dissipation travels Q weN-o4ied
Road. but the Path Back to Health u
over Boulders!
Happiness dodsss the Man wno's
Content With Half-Poruons
OFTEN. when we've been Aiiured In,
we've had to Fight our Way Out!
Tho Doors Of the II CAN'T Club
are Never Closed!
The wallop glances of the Mar with
tho Recuperatve Power!
The Remedy always lies Within Our
selves II We only Know How to Use II!
Some Day all OF the They 0aysrs'
viii be Tongue-Tied!
The Error Column has No Tsrrorv for
tho Do-Things Crowdi
The Man With . Good Excuse y rem
orally Shy on Other Assets!
Baffled never yet meant Beatsui
Anybody can Take the Line Of Least
Resistance. but the Winner Bucks the
Head Winds!
Ws Time to Wotch tho Back-Up
Broke phen you're Consctous that
you're Merely Holding Yo1r 0~mi
We'd all DO q Heap Keensr for the
Netum II Il were: SHOVE Your Enc.
mies!"
Start something--but Measure your
Adversary First!
II tAkeS q Lot Of the P0ovo out Of 4
The evening world., 1911-08-19

Misfortune and
Misery DO o I
HAVE to Run as
Mates!
A little Iess
mper dment"
and more Tenac.
ify.
There's Happ-
ness In Ptnning
Habits Shoulders
&c the Mat!
The evening world., 1911-08-19

Fs Time to Wotch tho Back.Up
Broke phen you're Consctous that
you're Merely Holding Pour 0pn!
The evening world., 1911-08-19

II takes . Lot Of the Pssvs out Of 4
The evening world., 1911-08-19
"Cheer Up, Cuthbert!"
80 What's the Use OF Beng Blue ?
~ There Is a Lot OF Luck Loft.
Clarence L. Cullen.

Copyright isiim b. Tho Pros Publishing o. ns New Tori WaND.
WI HArEvER other Disguise" a Better to Overlook . Bet" than \
W Blessing wears It never Is . a Punkerino on.i
w Mask!
The evening world., 1911-08-19
Eat . Goldfish without Expecting to
Choke on one Of It's Bonesi

The Only Thing that Detsrs - from
Playing More TIPS 10 the Fact that all
The evening world., 1911-08-19

self-Flnttery Is TO Imagine that we're
the Exception that Proves the Rule'
The evening world., 1911-08-19
Sayings OF 800.
smM R SOLOMON
Beng the Confessions of the Sevos
Hundreoth Wife.
1.en,4Atee by Helen RoUlAnd

Copyright. 1911 o, Tn. pr~s Publishing Co. tThs Ne" Sors wsst0.
r EAR no,0. my Daughters. the Prayer Of a Mdtde~;
n for In her hssrt every one omon0 We cAo"ssth
this song:
Send me. oh. Lord. the Fairy Prince OF my Dreoms.
Make him q MlN-oi elemental afrennfh and mower.
The evening world., 1911-08-19

The biggest Bore leaves the Smallest
Hole behind him'
The evening world., 1911-08-19

Of the Tipsters We Know sport those
Observation-Disclosures Effects at the Bot
toms Of their Trousersi
The evening world., 1911-08-19

Wed all be q Heap Kesnsr for the
Netum II Il were: SHOVE Your Enc
mies!"
The Washington times., 1911-11-26

cheaply than the railroads have done n.
and, II II claimed, Ia less tfme on TIE
average. But 70 Insure this, canal tr.lf.
nc must be encouraged and kept indie
pendent, and no adverse influence must
lations.
"The way to get business for the
canal, and to reshape the trade routes
81 ihs op,a 70 tna ne nntca state,
gravity, IL to make the canal free of
tolls. Such q policy, moreover. Will in
tcrest ali the world In keeping the canal
any military efrort to block the ditch.
II will, be worth more in this regard
than q hundred million dollars worth
of fortifications"
The Washington times., 1911-11-26
MERCHANTS TO GIVE
EMPLOYEES DAY Off
FOR THANKSGIVING
Principal Retail Stores to
Allow Real Reason for
Giving Thanks.

Many Of the merchants of Washington
are planning to make Thanksgiving Day
a real day of Thanksgiving this year by
permitting their employees to have the
whole day as holiday. An unusually
large number of the stores this year are
responding to the suggestion made in
the Retail Merchants Association that
80 far as possible the stores shall re-
main closed all day.
Up to today the following merchants
have declared to the association their
intention to close their stores all day
Thursday: Woodward & Lothrop, 8.
Kann, Sons q Co... Goldenberg's, A. Lis
ner's Palais Royal, Lansburgh & Bro,
Julius Garfinkle & Co., M. Philipsborri n
& Co., Smoot & Jelleff. B. H. Steinmetz
& Son Co., Dulin & Martin, Lauman
Brothers, House & Hermann, and
Joseph Strasburger's Family Shoe Store.
Many others have indicated their will
ingness to close their stores, but will
not announce their decisions until to-
morrow or next day.
The Washington times., 1911-11-26
SENATE LEADERS
TO HOLD COUNCIL
Conference to Be Held In Effort to Devise Some Way to
Get Useful Legislation Through Upper House at
Next Session-Present Outlook Poor.

chooses It can strike out virtually all Of
the House bill except the enacting
clause, and substitute therefor the ex-
preston of its own tarifr will.
II the tariff boards reports do not
agree with the revision Views OF the
Democratic majority In the House, Q
tariff bill to represent their own ideas
Will be put through by the Democrats,
and sent over to the Senate.
Conflict ON Trust Question.
There IL no likelihood at all that the
Senate Finance chairman will consent
to support the House bill II 1t cuts
duties to q point that threatens COM
mercial disaster. The Administration
feels, It Is said, that proposal Of tariff
revision Of kind close to the free
trade mark will be Just as unpopular
with the country as revision which does
not revise.
There are all kinds Of conflicting
views In House and Senate about the
proper method Of dealing with the trust
question. The Democrats themselves
are divided. and the divisions In the
Republican ranks are too well known
to need delineation. II Congress, as
many Of the leading Republicans and
Democrats believe, shall adjourn early
next summer without having passed any
legislation of moment, the damage or
the benefit which will come to either
party will depend largely upon the ma
ture of the bills which the Democratic
House frame and put through to the
Republican Senate for action.
The Washington times., 1911-11-26
Munsey's Discusses
Panama Toll Question

1T is useless to expect the Panama
Canal investment to be profitable from
the start" says Munsey's Maeasine edi-
torialiy. '"The business can perhaps be
developed but only by a liberal policy.
''The biggest traffic probability. by
far, is in freights between the Eastern
and Western coasts of the United
States. We have lumber along most OF
our Pacific coast, coal In Alaska, fruit
and oil in California. wheat In Oregon
and Washington; all these will seek
the cheaper canal transport eastward II
good service and low rates make II
possible. On the other hand, the East
has q vast tonnage Of manufactured
goods for the Western coast.
THE canal will carry business from
New York to San Francisco much more
The Washington times., 1911-11-26

In the next week or 80, about the time
of the convening Of Congress, con-
ference of Republican leaders In the
Senate will be held which may mean
much to the Administration and to the
country. The purpose will be to con-
slider the legislative situation and to
see whether II is not possible by con-
ciliatory methods to bring about some
important legislation this session. as
the result Of which the Administration
and the Republican party will go be-
fore the country in better shape than II
a do-nothing record Is left when the
session finally adtourns.
There is much more than q mere
chance that no tariff bill will be passed
at the coming session. There are as
many differences Of opinion over the
proper form Of new trust enactment
as there are over tariff revision meas
ures. Mr.. Taft's friends realize this.
and although knowing that the House
is Democratic and that the Senate is
divided into what really constitutes
three parties, every effort is to be made
to secure the passage Of constructive
measures.
No Serious Obstruction.
The Democratic leaders show they
realize that II the party blocks legisla-
ton It may hurt the Democratic chances
In the campaign more than 1t will hurt
those Of the Republicans. and so while
the leaders under certain conditions will
obstruct them they do not intend to
carry obstruction to an extreme which
may give aid and comfort to the enemy
Boies Penrose of Pennsylvania Ii the
chairman Of the Senate Committee on
Finance, and nominaily the Republican
leader. Mr.. Penrose, as 1t will be re-
membered, said week ago that there
would be no tariff legislation at the
coming session. Now. Mr.. Penrose's
friends are saying that he did not mean
that there would be no attempt to
secure tariff legislation, but simply that
all attempts to secure II would fail be-
cause Of combined insurgent and Demo-
cratic opposition. .
II this Interpretation OF Mr.. Penrose's 8
first word on the subject is correct, he
presumably will try to put through
tariff legislation based on the report of
the tariff board. Whether he can do 1t
or not remains to be seen, for there are
half a dozen difficulties in the way.
OF course, tariff legislation Is to origi-
nate in the House of Representatives.
but It Is perfectly proper to speak Of
the Senate as framing and putting
through the measure, because IL 1t
The Washington times., 1911-11-26
Pastors Speak at
Church Dedication

The Rev. wallace Radcliffe, pastor of
the New York Avenue Presbyterian
Church. preached the dedicatory SER
mon at the formal opening Of the sher-
wood Presbyterian Church. Twenty-sec-
ond street and Rhode Island avenue
northwest. at O'clock, today.
The new edifice, which has been erect
ed at cost of $4,000. was well fiiied
by members OF the various Presby-
terian congregations of the city. and
the Rev. T. b. Thompson, pastor Of the
Sherwood Church, presided.
The Rev. Donald G. Mcleod. pastor
OF the First Presbyterian Church. made
announcement OF the work which win
be undertaken by the new church. and
the Rev. Hubert Rex johnson, pastor
of the Chevy Chase Presbyterian
Church. made the closing prayer OF the
services.
The Washington times., 1911-11-26
ROOSEVELT TO SET
FORTH HIS POSITION
AS TO NOMINATION
Statement Would Please
Both the Taft and La
Toilette Forces.

That an early statement may be ex-
pected from Theodore Roosevelt in
which he will clearly define his posi-
uon with respect to the nomination in
1872 Is the interesting information that
mas reached Washington. 1t 10 under
stood this statement win make 1t clear
tnat Colonel Roosevelt Is not seeking
Such statement would be pleasing
both to the Tat and the La Toilette
fear Of q Roosevelt movement both
In the Taft camp and in the La Follette
camp Is perfectly well understood.
Must Be Emphatic.
But IL Colonel Roosevelt does not
make it emphatic that he Is not going to
accept the nomination under any cir
cumstances, and If he does not make
IL plain that the use of mis- name oy
his friends will he bootless; Il. in short.
he does not eliminate himself from the
1912 situation beyond recall. then any
statement he may put forth hardly
Will be effective.
The reason for this. as politicians here
Is useless for Colonel Roosevelt merely
to say he Is not seeking the nomination
again when 1t Is well known that close
movement for M him. This fhis applies es- :
pecially to Ohio, where James r. Gar
field and men affiliated with Garfield
dIS WoTAinB night ana Qay 1or HOoSe-
La Toilette Forces Pleased.
Up to date the La Toilette managers
have been highly pleased with Roose-
yelts part in the Presidential situation.
That Is, they are aware that the utter
ances Of Roosevelt adverse to President
Taft are bound TO help La Toilette. pro-
VlG Il is NOT after the nOmi-
nation himself.
The Republican Presidential situation
on the whole Is peculiarly chaotic Re-
publican members of Congress who are
coming to Washington say they have
never In their recollection seen anything
like 1t. Many of them bring reports
Of the weakness. of President Taft with
the voters, but they say that If Presi-
dent Taft wants the nomination they do
not just see how he Is to be headed OF
from 1t. Consequently, not many of the
Republicans in House or Senate, save
the most out and out insurgents are
willing to declare against President
Taft: They say they may have to get
out in the campaign and speak for him
and SO do not want to put themselves
outside the breastworks.
Western men pretty generally say
Roosevelt still has his grip on the people
of their section, and, whether they like
Roosevelt personally or not, they take
the view he would probably be the best
vote-getter for the Republican party.
Many of the incoming Republicans
talk gloomily of the 1912 outlook under
any circumstances, but they generally
say they hope the coming winter will
serve materially to strengthen the
party.
The Washington times., 1911-11-26
Policeman Killed
While on Way Home

MUsCATINE. Iowa. Nov. 2s.-Patrol-
man Theodore Gerischer was shot and
killed early today while on his way
home, after having been relieved from
duty. He had taken an active part in
suppressing disorders resulting from the
button workers strike. The assassin
escaped. ..
The Washington times., 1911-11-26
Rev. S. H. Woodrow to
Give Fourth Lecture

"Gideon Warning and Winning" is
the subject Of the lecture OF Rev. s.
H. woodrow, pastor of the First
Congregational Church, tonight, at
8 o'clock.
This lecture is the fourth Of Sc
ries of seven. dealing with some
Judges in Israel" -
The Washington times., 1911-11-26
Talks to Occultists.

Henry Ridgley Evans, author Of
several critical works on occultism.
will address the Secular League on
'Occultism to Date" at the regular
weekly meeting of the league. to be
held at o'clock this afternoon, in
the Pythian Temple.
The enterprise-recorder. (Madison, Fla.) 1908-1933, 1911-05-12

Here Gantry's coming put an ehd
10 the private conference and the pres
,1,nt rf tho Twin ButtcS company
went bis way
II was not until they he'd served '"'
.,,p. n1 sentence nj Mrs.. weather
r,rd's crush and were back IN the Pr
,a,. dining room suit ut The In.r'
Mountain. with Miss AnnorS saI'E
behind the CLOSED door OF her own
apaumom. that The small c"nSp.ra'"r
na,..d m, word If good bop" on 10
.rr na- band,
.u is vohmg beautifully she oN
Jrcd ale win 20 20 see Evan Day
after ,or.vuN and after HAT an" d'i-
ulr."