davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
INSULTED THE KING.
The Joke a Printer Turned on Louis
Philippe and M. Theirs.

ne Joke PRINTER urned on LOUIS
Philippe and M. Theirs.
One morning during the reign of
Louis Philippe there appeared in the
Constitutional the following startling
paragraph:
'His majesty the king received M.
Theirs yesterday at the Tuileries and
charged him with the formation of a
new cabinet. The distinguished states
man FASTENED to reply to the king:
L have only one regret, which is
turkeys"
A few lines lower down there was
another paragraph running to the fol-
lowing effect:
"The efforts of justice have been
promptly crowned with success. The
been arrested in house of bad reputa-
ton. Led at once before the Judge Of
instruction, the wretch had the hardi-
hood to address the magistrate in terms
of coarse insult, winding up with the
following words, which amply show
tHoI IHoIe lolhdAuS hoI spain VI GULF
science or right feeling in this hard
ened soul:
"'GOd and man are my witnesses
that I have never had any other am
bitiOn than to serve your august per-
son and my country Loyalty to the best
of my ability"
The printer had just cleverly managed
to interchange the two addresses The
cream of the joke was that it was uni
versally known how very little love
the minister-Strauss' "reminiscences.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Will Spend the Winter in
California.

A large party of Mineral Pointers left
this week to spend the winter in Cali
fornia. Among the number are, DR..
and Mrs. F. M. Bailey, Mrs. w. r.
Smith, and DR.. and Mrs. Charles Ross
and children.
B. A. Hoskins, superintendent of the
mines of the Mineral Point Zinc Com
pany, will also spend a couple of
months on the Pacific coast having
been granted vacation from active
duties.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
MINERAL POINT OF TODAY
NOTES BY THE DEMOCRATS
NEWS CATERER.

Mr. and Mrs. John Lightbourn and
child are returning to their home in
Bermuda, after an extended visit at the
home of Mrs. Lightbourn's parents
Mr.. and Mrs. Calvert Spensley, in Min
eral Point. Mr.. Spensley accompanied
them as far as Chicago on Tuesday.
Mrs. Della Carpenter came up from
Chicago to attend the marriage of her
sister Miss Nora O'Dowd. on Wednes-
day.
Miss Amy Chandler and Mr..
Litschaner of Blue Mounds spent New
Years with the formers parents.
Mr.. land Mrs. Charles Livingston of
Chicago, ILL.,, and Mrs. Robert Living
ston and sons of Livingston, Wis, at
tended the O'Dowd-Livingston we'd
ding on Wednesday.
Miss N. Pedley of Platteville visited
friends here Friday and Saturday.
Miss Julia Rasmussen returned to
Manchester, Iowa, Monday after a ten
days visit with her parents here.
Miss Willet Bennett returned to Mil
waukee Monday after spending her va
cation at her home here.
Bert Schultz is visiting friends in
Milwaukee this week.
Mrs. Johanna Gundry and daughter
Nettie spent New Years at the George
home in Shullsburg.
Frank Nussbaum of Madison was a
guest at the home of Mr.. and Mrs. A.
Metz last Wednesday.
Mr.. and Mrs. r. E. Loveland spent
Friday of last week in GAINESVILLE.
Miss Anna LaMalle who has been
visiting Mrs. G. w. McIlhon, returned
to Chicago, Monday.
Mrs. Peter Lindholm spent the latter
part of last week at Platteville.
Mr.. and Mrs. Walter Benson left last
week on trip to Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
Misses Evelyn Fielder and Margaret
Kim visited at the Wiegel home in
Darlington last Wednesday,
c. Burgess Of Rapid City, OAK,
visited relatives here last week.
Miss Mabel Allen came from Richland
Center and spent the holidays here.
Eugene Ryan of Monroe spent New
Years with friends here
Miss Beulah Howell, who had been
visiting her parents here, returned to
Shullsburg Friday,
Walter Bainbridge of Platteville called
on friends here Friday.
William Goelz returned to school at
Monroe Monday.
Miss Anna James returned last Fri
day from a weeks visit in Chicago.
Mrs. HI. E. Pringle departed this
morning to spend this week with rela-
tives in Chicago.
Miss Mayme Luttrell spent New
Years at her home in Darlington.
Kendall Newman of GAINESVILLE is
visiting at the home of Mr.. and Mrs.
W. ROethe.
Miss Jane Tregilgus is here from
Plattexille for visit.
Mary and Wizard Ryan are visiting
their grandmother Mrs. Buss at James
vile.
The Standard Bearers will meet Mon
DAY, Jan. at 4 o'clock at the M. E.
church.
Miss Lulu Jackson, after pleasant
visit here, departed Monday for Port
Washington.
j. A. Kramer returned to Chicago
Monday.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
NJ ystic Workers.

The annual supper of the Mystic
Workers was held Tuesday evening,
January 3, at the Good Templar's hall,
Supreme Worthy Howe and wife being
present. Mr.. Howe installed the fol
lowing officers:
Carl Healy, Jr., project
Mary l.. Dunn, monitor.
A n. Johnson, secretary.
A Jacka banker.
Elsie Kaump, marshal
Dora Jacka. warden.
L. NJ. Dunn, sentinel.
Charles Adams, supervisor.
The officers were elected for term
of 3 years. After the officers were
installed an enjoyable programme was
rendered, followed by refreshments.
All report fine time
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05

Mrs A. L. Vivian and two children,
Reuben and Irene, Miss Bertha Jones
of GAINESVILLE, Miss Villa Bray and
Geo. Vivian, enjoyed a delightful ride
to Linden calling upon Mr.. and Mrs.
VIM. James Of that place.
Mr.. and Mrs. John Temby, Alvin
Temby and family, Mrs. A. L. Vivian
and family, Miss Bertha Jones and Miss
Villa Bray, spent last Friday with Mr..
and Mrs. Henry Bennett and family of
Graysville.
A surprise party was given at the
home of Mrs. A. L. Vivian on Monday
eve, of this week. All those that at
tended, report very interesting and
enjoyable evening.
Miss Evelyn O'Neill who came here
to spend the holidays, started on Satur
day for Virginia, Mimi, to resume her
duties as teacher.
Mrs. John W. Bennett of Center, N.
OAK, is here visiting her sister Mrs.
Frank Potter.
Miss Nettie Bronson came here on
Sunday from Algona, Iowa, where she
had been for some time past with her
sister, Mrs. Sidney Cotterell.
Mr.. and Mrs. VIM. James and family
of Linden drove to this city last Sunday,
and called upon Mrs. James sister,
Mrs. A. L. Vivian.
Wilbur Bergman of Dodgeville, is
spending few days in this city, MAX
ing numerous calls.
Miss Eloise James, accompanied by
her mother, returned home this week
from Chicago.
Walter Vivian is enjoying few days
vacation in this city at present.
Curtis Bergman and Wilbur Polk
inghon of Dodgeville were visitors in
this city Sunday.
Miss Bertha Jones of GAINESVILLE, who
has been visiting her aunt Mrs. A. L.
Vivian of this city, was called home on
Saturday last.
The w. G.. T. u. will meet at the
home of Mrs. Walter Martin on We'd
nesday, Jan. II.
Charles Wilkinson of Omak, Wash,
is here visiting his sister Mrs. w. HI.
Kaump.
John B. Linden, living a few miles
north Of this city, has blood poisoning
in his right hand, due to the presence of
a small splinter, which he run into his
hand about a month ago.
G. A. Gale and little daughter came
up from Chicago on New Years day
and returned to Chicago on Monday.
Fred w. Phillips arrived here on
Wednesday evening from northern
Washington, where he has been for the
last year and half He speaks en-
Enthusiastically of the climate Of that sec
ton and the prospects for development
VI Uuo COuIlGIy.
James A. Hoare is recovering ffom
his badly sprained ankle.
Attorney c.. G. Erickson of Chicago
spent New Years at the home of Jas.
Bottoms.
Miss Martha Bottoms who for the
past year has been supervising nurse in
a tuberculas sanitorium in New Mexico
is home for the holidays.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Women Without Names.

"Womankind in Korea" says e. G..
Kemp in THE Face of Manchuria,"
suffers from a strange lack-the alb
sence Of names. A woman may pos
sess a pet name; otherwise she has
none. Frequently she does not even
know her husbands name. If she be-
comes a Christian and receives bap-
tism she acquires a name, and this
must give her quite new sense Of
dignity"
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Holiday Guests.

Mrs. William R. Hoare and sol
James. Blanchardville.
Mr.. and Mrs. Merton Healy, Chicago
Mr.. and Mrs. Hermann Parmley
S. Oak.
Mrs. G. N. Schilton, Wyanette, Ill.
Florence Arthur, Chicago.
Mrs. John Lake, Rockford.
Mrs. Mary Ryan Gerner, Chicago.
Thomas Quirk, Madison.
Mr.. and Mrs. Fl. T. Crawford, Platte
vile.
Miss Elvia Mackay, Darlington.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Novelty For New Workers,

"That sunrise effect is all wrong"
said the stage manager of a New York
musical show.
"What's the difference?' replied the
scene painter, Nobody who goes to
musical comedy in New York knows
what q sunrise looks like. "-Washing-
ton Star
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Holding a Wake-Ditto a Girl.

TFU!uIH9 VVSN5-DIlto OIFT'
Miss Lovcleigh-The professor was
telling us today about the moon. He
says the moon is a dead body. Jack
9DOOner-That so? Then suppose we
sit up awhile with the corpse.-Boston
Transcript.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Nothing to Do but Loaf.

The most unfortunate man Is the
one who gets up in the morning with
nothing to do and all day to devote to
it.-Chicago Record-Herald.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Hand Separator Cream.

For all hand separated cream delivered
at the Mineral Point Creamery will be
paid this week, ending Jan. Z, 30tc per
Id. for butter fat.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05

The Mineral Point Dray and Ca
Company have removed their office to
the building next door west of Apes
barber shop. Josiah Lanyon, who LATE
ly occupied the rooms, has moved to
the Iowa County Bank building.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05

Sincerity is the way to heaven. To
think how to be sincere is the way Of
man-Mencius.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Draw Office.

The Office of the Mineral Point Dray
and Coal Company has been removed
to one door west of Appels barber shop.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Subscribe now for the Daily
Chicago Record Herald

Chicago Record Herald
and get same for One Year through the
Mails to your address for $500. I will
take your subscription and save you the
expense of draft also postage and give
you receipt for same,
A. w. Thoma,
Mineral Point, Wis.
Special agent for Chicago also Milwau-
kee Daily and Sunday papers.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Happy Household Mons

and Dustless Busters for sale by Miller
& Dancey.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05
Trunks and Suit Cases,

in great variety, and at right pricesat
the store of w. FL. Kaump.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1911-01-05

Miss Sada A. Jacobs,
teacher of singing, violin, piano br
organ. Phone AZ.
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26
Summer Student Elucidates

initial sound. It didn't discourage the
flow Of INFORMATION from the youthful
lips. .l.s. |Es
well, that means not drunken and
in olden times people used to wear the
stone as a preventive for drunkenness"
1.-THE original cure without drugs"
growled his friend. Guess 1t worked as
we'll as most freak cures"
"One old chap tried to explain its
methods Of curing. His name was Pliny.
Ever hear of himT'
Eyes. he's in the biographical diction-
aries" continued the Growler. He was
family interested, but didn't think it
worth while to betray the fact.
"Well, Pliny says that it prevents in
toxication because it nearly, but not en-
tirely, approaches the color of wipe"
"In that case amethysts wouldn't be
much use in case of over oeKhilaration
from champagne or some other NON
amethystine tinted beverages" vouch-
safed the GROWER.
but considering the ancient tradition"
went on the younger. ats pretty droll to
find a waitress in a dairy restaurant wear
ing 'em, isn't it?'
He did not wait for an,answer this time.
but continued with his information.
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26
Lorettas Looking CLASSIFIED Upto the Girl Who Stoves

'Will you kindly use your shoulder for
the purpose for which 1t was intended?"
You stared at the lady who made the
request with your most insulted. how
dare-you expression.
But there is nothing the individual in
front of you in the line to the box office
would not dare. You have placed your
shoulder against and rather under hers
and have steadily rammed her along till
she is beyond caring what else happens,
just so you take your shoulder out of her
back.
Why, you even shove when you go into
churchi The other day at a wedding you
began your persistent propulsion on an
elderly person with a real lace cape.
II don't mind having my vertebra dis
located, but this cape is an heirloom, and
won't stand an attack from the rear"
she said to your
And again you wore your look of out
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26

How to Train a Wife

There had been a guest for dinner. one OF
those frequent .bAbblers OF platitudes that
incite 10 murder without ones being able
to remember'a single speech that would
warrant verdict Cf justifable homicide
The Confirmed commuter had asked the
visitor The bore was his guest. Hence
he made q shallow effort at sprishtliness
while the man who edited an encyclopedias
IN ms hehts'! ss1ioUn"iT fY','S 80 ''i'
and on, -
Toward the close Of the evening the
learned person, perhaps out Of difference
to the. shallow Intellect of his hostess
turned to q light discussion of recently
published treatise on Death"
THE subject Is one In which I have al
Always taken q deep interest" he remarked
Sohderously, and the author takes up
novel auestionr-the influence of love on
faith. THE most fugitive, the most mortal
OF passions, he says, Is the one that com
pels a belief in immortality. ASK any
woman, who claims 10 be an 'unbehever, II
she is so convineed, that when she dies she
will cease SO Htterly'ro existias TO be willing
for her husband TO marry again. ana all
her materfalfsrn goes 90 pieces. IL she's
honest she'll admit that her ghost viii
come back and haunt him &c he should ever
For the first time during long, duh
evening the face of the Hopeful Housewife
lighted with Interest. .ary <. r
siOh, don't know she said. II m
pretty much OF a pagan and L can't Inn
aRine a woman's having any vndtctive-
ness on the subject. OF course, she'd feel
badly TO think she hadr been supplanted by
another womah, but she'd realize that she
A,as dead and hadn't anything to say on
Whe subject"
The Confirmed Cpmmuter laughed.
Don't you see you're, giving. your whole
case away, he said, You claim not TO
believe in immortality and, yet you talk
about how you would. feel after you're
dead. But" he added lightly, you know
I've had your successor picked out long
time-half a dozen Of her. In fact, Every
time 1 go to musical show see new
one" -..1 ~ syKns e.. 10
'lThe Hopeful Housewife laughed, as all
Gives do at this style ~ humor' though
hone OF them can see any point In 1t.
And from that moment till the VISITOR
took his leave her face wore look OF SOL
emnity and pfeoccupatfon ~
THANK heaven he's gomez" exclaimed the
commuter when he had closed the door
upon his prosy guest. Nov / can get a
chance atnthe evening papers. what's the
matter7's he added quickly "a he noticed
that his wife's eyes were hung7with their
heaviest curtain of reserve. .rl -
<"Oh, nothinglp she answered In faint
voice. Sen ~ p q s'r- $50 ~ 'i
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26

ferer that makes her want to jump on you
physically and linguistically.
Just watch out! Some day you'll be
hanging on the arm Of a man. He may
think you have cute, coy, cuddling little
ways when you begin it; but by the time
you have inserted your elbow between his
ribs and bruised his intercostal muscles
besides steering him into the trees along
the walk and making him tread the mar
row ledge by the curbstone, he will think
you and your showing as absolutely pro-
voking and unnecessary as the rest Of us
do. You will have showed him quite away!
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26

But there isl" the Commuter persisted.
"Or perhaps you're just all tired out from
that fellows monologues Never mind,
dear I'll never ask him again" ~
But you must" rejoined his wife stiffly.
It think ne is very neutrality-suspicious.
In his ideas about love and death. And he
actually compelled you to tell the truth
about what you are going to do when !
Diet
Her voice quivered and broke as her
Imagination dwelt lingeringly on a portrait
of her own decease. Cd. 4..-. p,
what do you mean?" asked the amazed
Communter. Didn't you understand was
only fooing? Can't you take Joke? Why
baby where is your common sense?"
He laughed reassuringly. but the mask
of tragedy was not lifted from his wife's
face.
You needn't think that don't know It,"
she began, excitedly. "I realized the very
minute you met that woman you were at
tracted to her and she was doing her best
to ensnare YOU"
What on earth are you talking about7
Are you going crazy?" gasped the as
founded Commuter.
''GIve me credit for just ordinary powers
of observation" she answered coldly.
Sometimes when l haven't felt we'll I've
had a sort of suspicion that there was
some woman just sitting back waiting to
step into my shoes And now you admit
that you've actually thought abbut a sue
cessor in case of my death and have picked
one out. Yes you did. and there's mo use
saying you were joking, but remember this!
II you were to marry again and let some
other woman live in our house and have all
my Moorish collection and my beautiful
Japanese prints I'll come back from the
grave and haunt you bothP' s~'t
Copyright. 1911, by the N. Y. Herald Coz
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26

ragged innocence. 1t would be a blessing
IL you could get behind yourself and shove,
just to cultivate a fellow feeling for the
drastic massage treatment you give your
victims.
1t may be your, energy. 1t may be your
nerves. You may offer any kind of an
excuse for the maddening imposition of
your showing shoulder on the anatomy of
the one in front But none of them so,
The. person who endures your continuous
impact feels wild longing to whirl about
and deliver you a variesated lot Of sample
styles of prodding. The exquisite joy of
returning your evenly applied and forward
urging assault with series Of slaps and
bangs and whacks makes her hands itch.
She is just losing herself in the delights
Of fistcuffing imagination when the wo-
man In front turns around and says: II
wish you would stop pushing rne!'
In her frenzy at the mistreatment of
her shoulder and the injustice to her man
ners, she cries, 1t not my fault It's
somebody just behind met" She sees the
scornful look that scathes her as the re-
proachful one renders "a mental verdict of
her guilt and is obviously disgusted at her
eowardice IN not owning up to her showing.
Oil II We only dispense with our man
ners now and then, when they are in the
way? Wouldn't IL be rich and rare re-
compense to be able to turn nthe shower
and thump and bump and batter ana beat
her! ."
And, along with your STRAIGHTFORWARD
pushing, you have the most disappearing
habit of e-stepping and pushing the
one who walks with you into the gutter.
It does no good to change over Your an
atomy works to both sides.
! OF course, it's a habit. But it's the kind
that stirs an impatient rage in the suf'
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26

To the Editor OF The Bee Home Magazine
Page: Too bad that your correspondent Of
Ash Creek Line Is having such time with
his frogs. (Ca-chool Sneezing again; oh,
myD He thinks it is the weather that SC
affects them. Perhaps. asked my father
what he thought was the trouble
and he said he guessed they didn't have
ponds that entice to a cool and comfy nap
or sweet repose. That may be- But
wouldn't little New Thought treatment
set things right? The Bachelor should
have a talk with his frogs; tell them
that the ponds are cool. fresh and soothing
oh. so very soothing (soft pedaD that
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26

I full Of the purple stones. The necklace at
her throat, the little pins that held her
waist together at regular intervals in the
back, tlie ring on her finger and the buckle
on her belt were all studded with what
looked like the real gems.
The two men who met at lunch every
day gazed at this unusual decoration as
their waitress brought them the Gus
tomary crackers and milk
Guess this Is her afternoon off," ven
tured the younger.
trips must be pretty good this season. e
Erowled the other. '1f she can afford near
i spzrklers." ~
oh. they're not real" said the younger.
He was Q summer, student and liked
10 display his knowledge
Ever study Greek9" he continued.
The older man scorned to confess his
Ignorance, He DEVOTED his attention 70
the bowl before him sa
"If you had went on his verdant
friend. you'd know that amethyst gets
its name from the Greek amethu~."
The other growled out some non-com-
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26

fact when he gave her all that Jewelry?"
At this moment the smart waitress in
terrupted his useful information by bring
ing the daily wedges of apple pie and the
inevitable pay checks.
Going out this afternoon?" ventured the
Ioquacious luncher.
The smart waitress smiled and nodded.
with your steady7" he ventured.
She tossed her head.
with my cousin" she answered.
The Growler broke into the conversation.
Looks as II 1t was going to rain" he
muttered.
Funny thing" said the other as they
rose to leave. that's another virtue OF
the amethyst According to the ancients
It prevents stormsl"
Copyright 1911. by the N. Y. Herald Coz
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26

Of fifty-yard foot race and waltzing
contest ought to find a way to make frogs
swim.
Pappy (ea-chooD and l hope his inven-
ton TO prevent hens scratching up gardens
Will prove an excellent thing. BY the way,
wouldn't something of that kind be a good
appliance for the scratchy man or woman
who overdoes the thing? Hit upon that
invention, Mr.. Bachelor. and thousands will
rise up and call you blessed. f,t
asked my father (ca-chooO II frogs
should swim so as 10 be in condition for
the market. He scratched his head and
said he thought so, but that maybe they'd
be all right IL they weren't swimmers. The
thought comes 90 me that they'll probably
exercise their swimming muscles, anyway.
while in a somnoent or semi-conseious
state. They'll dream they are swimming
and-well. they are,
Just keep that mule away from the
ponds, practice some New Thought treat
ment, and you'll get good results. Isaac.
smilingly yours, A sTAID MATRoN.
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26

"Funnier still, the amethyst is dedicated
to ST. Valentine. l wonder IL her best
young man knew that interesting little
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26
Cupid Wins in Compiled Mule

when once they have pumped into them
they'll be convinced OF the truth Of his
argument and croak their testimonials
without stint Now, can't guarantee the
treatment to work like charm, but i
think it's worth trying. And, too, Mr..
Editor, don't you think II the Bachelor had
few artificial frogs TO use as stool
pigeons 1t would help some7
Another thing-has the cross-eyed mule
anything TO do with the frogs not swim
ming7 Important question: Does he drink
from the ponds or oavort round them, oe-
cssionally stopping to catch a glimpse OF
his physiognomy and form superb In the
still waters? II so, II would be well to put
a stop TO such doings. and then see II the
frogs don't take a plunge.
man who can walk off with the honors
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26
The Lovely Rose

The wild one Is loveliest of all
What flower so delicious of scent?
What blossom so exquisite of color?
But its loneliness is not enough forsooth.
This most delightful OF posies must so
armed!
Yes. were is not for it's thorns, the cattle
would eat it,
The language of this variety OF the
flower of love is simplicity.
It's a relative of nearly all of our de-
llghtful fruit trees and berry bushes.
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-26

81