The Washington herald., 1911-02-19

tmins will place stepladder on back
porch of White House.
| Drawing OF intrenchments thrown up
by Hon: MacVeagh to hold United
! Phonograph record showing long in
terYals of silence at Oyster Bay.
! acknowledgement of Hon. Tariff Com
mission boomers holding bag with slit cut
in it by Hon. Bailey.
1 Measurements of Hon.. hole into
which Congress throws billion dollars
each year.
/ OF each discovery. but the climax came
when the Japanese spy was unmus-
tached and declared to be Richmond
Pearson Hobson in disguise. When asked
why he nasqueraded as Japanese,
"Mr. Hobson" replied:
"It seemed appropriate; am the Jap
| anese war scare"
Dinner Within a Dinner.
The principal stunt of the evening was
dinner within a dinner. A table was
| set in the room and around 1t sat a
number OF club members.
''Hot stuff, this organization Of ours, "
said one.
Has an International reputation re-
marked another.
"Oh, we'll, look who we are compla-
Gently observed third member.
President Oulahan raped for order.
He wanted to know what the disturbance
meant
''The insl1rgent wing of the Gridiron
Club is going to hold a dinner here to-
night was the reply.
President OuIanan was amazed. 81
didn't know" he said, that there was
an insurgent wing of the Gridiron Club"
That's the trouble with all you stand
patters," was the retort. You never
do find out what's going on until some
body hits you with an ak" e.
In vain the president insisted that the
regular dinner must not be interrupted
"Oh, go onI' he was told. You are in
terruptins our dinner" - ..
Whereupon Mr. Oulahan subsided, lit
tie bell tinkled, and The guests entered.
Welcome, gentlemen" began the
make-believe president, Ito the dinner OF
the insurgent wing OF the Gridiron Club.
applause by guests.) The inSurgent wing
of the Gridiron Club has but two rules.
The first is that Joe Cannon is always
present, and the second is that, 'conse-
tyrant up there has control of the lights,
so 1 cannot turn them on. but please
close your eyes while 1 flash orr en-.
blem."
a real hammer was waved aloft and
the guests said: "Ah-h-h!'
Also" continued the speaker. 1.-The in
surgent wing of the Gridiron Club has
but one toast, like all other insurgents.
That toast is: Ourselves"
Everybody solemnly rose and drank.
A Few Interjected Speeches.
The fake president then introduced the
speakers. He began each introduction
with the famous line: I'VE have with US
tonight The first speaker was An
drew. Carnegie" who was referred to as
the man who wanted peace at any price
and had the price, whereupon ''Mr Car
negie'' spoke as follows: s. -
AS you all know. have but one ana
bition. That is to die poor, but adver-
tised. I am against battle ships, now
that 1 am out of the armor-plate busi-
ness. 1 have now given away s6,00o.-
600 0OO which proves conclusively that
John D. Rockefeller is piker. You
have no idea how hard 1t is to give
away money in such a manner that IL
will get in the newspapers In con-
clusion, 1 thank you and desire to say
that. during my long association with
the Gridiron Club: no member mas ever
betrayed my confidence. (Applause.)
Mr.. James A Tawney' was then
introduced. He was credited with these
few remarks:
Gentlemen, I thank you. AS your
worthy president has truly said. l am
opposed to expenditures for war, in any
toll "a
present census has developed the fact
that there are several hundred me-
tropolises in Republican districts where
there are no public buildings, and quite
a number of creeks haven't been
dredged yet. Economy is my watch
Winona, Mimi. ask you? None what
ever. And in conclusion 1 desire to
say that the Gridiron Club Is the great
est organization on earth, and that not
one of its members ever betrayed my
confidence. (Applause.) -.
"Mr. Cannon's, Remarks.
After mfr. Fairbanks had delivered
a rhetorical outburst, concluding with the
that 'the Gridiron Club is the
most wonderful organization in the world
and no member of it has ever betrayed
nv confidence" the impersonator of
Speaker Cannon was introduced as that
sturdy old faker-no, 1 mean fighter
Uncle joe"
Gentlemen Of the Gridiron Club he
began. what would we do without the
Gridiron Club? What would we do with
out the Gridiron Club, or what would
the Gridiron Club do without US? We are
one and inseparable.' ~-
Mr.. President" interrupted a member. |
: What is it?''
'Mr President, there's something !
wrong about this speech"
. Wrong with It? What do you mean?'
Z ct mean that Uncle Joe has been talk !
ing a minute and he hasn't said in the |
last analysis yet, or hell"
, IT was just coming to that" hurriedly |
explained MIR. Cannon" las 1 was say
ing, Mr.. President, in the last analysis |
what the he'll would we do without the |
Sridiron Club? pause for a reply. |
There is no answer. Hence, I desire to |
say that, in the last analysis, the Grid |
ron Club is hell of success. and no
member of 1t ever betrayed my conf
ience-" (AppIause) g
Then ''Yice President Sherman" was
siven an opportunity to tell a story and
;ay something about never betraying con-
idence, and Senator Beveridge" eagerly
walled himself Of chance to make a
second speech. Then Champ Clark" was
.aIled upon. This is what he said:
There is one point I want to make
lear here tonight, and that is that l