davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
SYNOPSIS.

James Wilson or Jimmy as he is called
oy his friends. Jimmy was rotund and
looked shorter than he really was. His
ambition in life was TO be taken seriously
but people steadily refused to do so. his
art is considered a huge joke, except to
himself, IL he asked people to dinner eY-
eryOne expected a froliC. Jimmy marTies
Bella Knowles. they live together a year
and are divorced. Jimmy's friends ar
range to celebrate the first anniversary
Of his divorce. The party is in full swing
when Jimmy receives a telegram from his
Aunt Selma, who will arrive in four hours
to visit him and his wife. Jimmy gets his
funds from Aunt Selma and after ne mar
ries she doubles his allowance. He neg
lects to tell her Of his divorce. Jimmy
takes Kit into his confidence, he tries to
devise some way so that his aunt will not
learn that he has no longer a wife. He
suggests that Kit play the hostess for one
night, be Mrs. Wilson pro tenn. Aunt Sc
lima arrives and the deception works out
az Planned inns Jap servant Is taken
I'll. Bella. Jfmmy's divorced wife. enters
the house and asks Kit who IS being ia
ken away In the arnbuIauce7 Bella insists
II is Jim. Kit tells her Jim is well and IS
In the house. Bella tells Kit it wasn't
Jim she wanted to see, but Takahira. the
Jap servant. HARRISON steps out on the
porch and discovers man lacking a
card on the door. He demands an ex-
PLANTATION The man points to the placard
and HARRISON sees the word Smallpox"
printed on it. The guests suddenly realize
GheiF prediCament, the women shed tears
the men consider 1t a good Joke. Rarbi-
son pleads with Kit to tell him the real
situation Of things. She finally tells him
Of BelIa's Incarceration in the basement
The all important question arises as to
who is to prepare the meals and perform
the other household duties. HARRISON fin
ally solves. the matter. He writes out
slips containing the various departments
OF his or her duties. Kit attempts to
make an omelet for Aunt Selma. but falls
IN the attemDt and IS in a very nervous
STATE when HARRISON comes to her rescue
and tells her how to make It. After the
Hitting Of the quarantine several letters
aTe found in the mail box undaIivered,
one is addressed to Henry Ilewellyn
Iquique. Chile, which was written by Har-
bison He describes infinitely Of their in
generation. also Of his infatuation foT
Mrs WILSON
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
Latin America Can Defend Itself.

Only the uniformed regard Span
sh America as an easy field for alien
conquest Napoleon, when at the
height of his power, deemed that the
subsection Of Spain would be an easy
task. But the Spanish enterprise
proved his ruin fully as much as the
invasion of Russia, and while 1t is
true that British valor and the genius
Of Wellington were decisive factors in
the result, the Spaniards themselves
struck telling blows for their own lib
Grafton
The Spanish-Americans share with
the people Of Old Spain that remark
able capacity for recovering from ap-
parently hopeless conditions which
seems inherent In the Latin and Gel
tic races. A strong invader might oc-
cupy their cities, but he would be met
On every side by cruel guerrilla war
fare that would make lasting occuDa-
ton impossible. The earlier scenes
Of the Peninsular war would be re-en-
acted on American soil-Columbia
Magazine
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16

brains for plan of escape from them
is with him still. Palmer, who was a
born comedian, was also fleet Of foot
One day on scout duty he was cap,
tured by two Confederate soldiers.
When his captors started, one on
each side Of him, he recited every
joke and comic verse he knew.
The previous spring, when "secesh''
talk was on every tongue, he had
spoken at the usual school "exhibi-
t1on, giving a prepared lecture on
the paramount topic In the character
1stc humor Of that period. 1t was
nothing but idiotic dribble that came
to him as he trudged merrily toward
the Confederate camp at Centerville.
Va, bound for Libby or Andersonville,
but 1t is still fresh in his mind. This
is the speech he delivered:
Ladies and Gentlemen: have rig
to give you warnin' and make some
what Of speech. | say that crisis
mas ar1z and the wheels Of govern
ment has stopped. The machinery
needs greasin' and the biler is busted
and we are like bob-tailed ganders
floating down the stream of time. We
have had our harmony disturbed and
have been driven on the quicksands of
the Potomac. We have threatened to
dash everything into splinters, but we
VIII eventually pick ourselves I'D be-
fore we are gone goslins. The at
trap1an knocks the adjacent iovous
regions of violent voice and whisners
IN our ear for peace, but you give us
no peace. The peace has gone flick
er1ng through the gloom of the other
climate to aid the miser in his DIM.
geon and the great Alexander, who
fitted the battle of Hunker Bill. and
who, with agony, despair and frantic
shrieks, cried, oh. gravy Peace ts
Tor the southern confederacy and I
don't care darn, for she's whole
morse and a time, sure"
Palmer's harangue, accompanied nv
sweeping gestures and heroic poses
tnreW MS hearers into spasms of
laughter They didn't know Just what
he meant, but it was funny. The ora.
tor resumed:
ALREADY l see you travelling in
soi1d phalanx, with shouts that make
the earth ring while you come down
upon your opponents like a Thousand
OF brick on rotten pumpkin. Blood
has got to be poured out of your on
ponents like soap suds out of a wash
tub, and every one of them that has
q soul as big as the white of a MIG.
gers eye has got to fight, bleed and
die for you. The north may don their
rusty regimentais, grease the locks
OF their guns, put in new 1ints. grind
their old scythes into swords. mount
their little airy horses, twelve abreast
blast the little rocks and blow up all
Gods creation, but still Jefferson
Davis will remain"
This is as far as young Palmer pot
In the middle Of nonsense. His aud
itors were frequently doubled I'D with
laughter
Tney came to a fence on the edge
of wood, and the two southerners
climbed over, confidently expecting
their prisoner to follow. He, however
hung back and instead of mounting
the fence broke off his speech, iumped
back suddenly and darted into the
woods like deer. few Intellectual
bullets followed, but before night he
was back in his own camp.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
FUNNY TALE FREES SOLDIER
Civil War Veteran Relates Unique Ex-
perience During War-Captors
Laugh and He Runs.

Amateur public speakers or persons
who have difficulty in remembering
'fmpromptu" remarks would do well
to consult Capt. A. r. Palmer of Chi
cago, commander of Meade post, G. A
R., for an infallible cure for such for
getfulness. This would be his
recipe:
Get yourself captured In war and
entertain your captors with funny
stories until you have them of their
guard, so you can escape Everything
you say will be stamped indelibly on
your mind" The rule has held good
for fifty years for Captain Palmer.
Every word of a senseless tumble he
repeated to amuse couple of Con-
federates in 1861 while he racked his
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
ARTIST WHISTLER AS A BOY
Gives Pretty Proof of His Liking for :
Little Girl School,
mate.

Whistler, the eccentric, the brilliant
! the man Of cutting wit that spared
| neither foe nor friend, figures SC
i largely in the newspapers and mag
aziEes of the day that it is a pleas.
ant change to catch a glimpse Of him
in Lillian Writings life of Louise
chandler Moulton-just as a boy, in
the act of giving pretty PROOF of his
liking for a little girl.
Among the schoolmates of Mrs
Moulton's childish years was the boy
who was afterward the artist Whis-
tier, one year her senior.
AS children they often walked home
from school together, and one nigh
the little girl was bewailing that she
could not draw a map like the beau
tiful one he had displayed to an ad-
mlring group that day.
1t was a gorgeous creation in col
ored crayons, an arrangement" that
capuvated the village school with
much the same ardor that the future
artist was destined to inspire from
the art connoisseurs Of two CONT
nents. A sad object, indeed, was the
discordant affair that Ellen Louise
held up in establishment, while she
poured out her enthusiasm on his
achievement.
The lad received this praise with
lofty scorn.
You think this is anything? Take it:
[ don't want it; you just see what I
can do tomorrow! I'll bring you then
something worth talking about
With the precious trophy in her
possession, the little girl made her
way home. And, true to his word, the
next morning Jimmy" brought her a
package whose very wrapping re-
vealed the Importance of its contents:
and when she had breathlessly opened
1t, there was disclosed an exquisite
little painting.
Under a Gothic arch that breathed-
40 one knew what enchanted hints of
the glory that was Greece and the
grandeur that was Rome" or some
far-away dreams of Venice, or some
other dimly prefgured marvel in the
chfld's fancy, was an old monk,
through the picture were silver CLEANS,
and vague CLINT of purple, and alto
gether, it held some far prophecy Of
The brilliant future yet undisclosed.
All her life Mrs. Moulton kept the
gift. 1t had an unobtrusive place in
her drawing-room, and even figured
nodestly at the great Whistler ex-
hfbftion, which was held in Boston by
the Copley society after the death of
The artist.-Youth's Companion.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
NOTES Or THE DISASTER

The explosion caused the clogglng
of the intake pipes supplying water
to the Illinois Steel company S plant
at Chicago and made necessary the
shutting down of the works for three
hours.
Hardly a house in the thickly pop
ulated farming country in a radius OF
five miles from Pleasant Prairie is
habitabIe as a result OF the eXplo-
sion.
Nearly every one who was within
ten miles of the factory when the eX-
plosion occurred is wearing bandage
to cover injuries.
The village of Pleasant Prairie was
without women on Friday and the
men went hungry that day. Not only
are most of the stores destroyed, but
the supply of food in larders IS scat
tered and insufficient
Phil Hess a farmer living near
Truesdell, two miles from the factory
probably will lose his right ear, Whlch
was nearly severed by a piece OF ny
ing glass.
The district schoolhouse near
Pleasant Prairie was wrecked. There
was no school on Friday, for, OF the
forty-fve pupils, all but half dozen
either were too seriously injured to
attend or had moved with their par.
ents during the night to places OF
safety.
Following the explosion, woman
passenger on a train on the chicago
and Milwaukee Electric railway gave
birth to a child. The lives OF both
The mother and the infant were Sc
riously imperiled. but both survived
the ordeal.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
CHAPTER VIII. (continued.)

From officer Flanagan 20 Mrs.
Maggie Flanagan, Erin street.
Dear Maggie:
AS soon as you receive this, go
down to Mac and tell him the story as
/ tell you hear. Tell him | was walk
in my beat and I'd been afther seen
Jimmy AlYerni about doin the right
thing for Mac on Monday, at the
poles, when l seen a man hangin sus-
picious around this house, which is
Mr.. Wilson's. on Ninety-ffth And,
Of coorse, afther chasin the man a
mile or more, lose him, which was
not my fault. So l go back to the
Wilson house, and tell them to be
careful about closin up fer the night,
and while I'm standin in the hall. with
all the swells around me, sparkin
with jewels, the board of health sends
3 man to lock us all in, because the
Jap that's been waiter has took the
smallpox and gone to the hospitle
stood me ground. | SEE, SEE |, you
cant shtop an officer in pursute of his
duty. | rafuse to be shut in Be
shure TO tell Mac that.
So here | am, and like to be for a
month. Tell Mac there's four votes
shut up here, and I can get them for
Kim. if he can stop this monkey bust
ness.
Then go over to the Dago church
on Webster avenue and put a dollar in
Saint Anthony's box. He'll see me
out of this scrape. right enough. Do
1t at once. Now remember, go to
Mac first; maybe you can get the
dollar from him, and mind what you
tell him. Your husband,
TIM FLANAGAN
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16

South American goulash for luncheon,
although it was too salty, and every
one was thirsty the rest Of the day.
Bella was horrid, of course. She
froze Jim until he said he was going
to sit in the refrigerator and cool the
butter She locked herself in the
dressing-room-it had been assigned
to me, but that made no difference to
Bella-and did her nails, and took
three different baths, and refused to
come to the table. And of course
Jimmy was wild, and said she would
starve. But l said, VERY well, let
her starve. Not a tray shall leave my
kitchen" 1t was a comfort to have
her shut up there anyhow: it post
poned the time when she would come
face to face with Flanagan.
Aunt Selma got sick that day, as l
have said. l was not so bitter as the
others; l did not say that I wished
she would die The worst | ever wish
ed her was that she might be quite i'll
for some time, and yet, when she be-
gan to recover, she was dreadful to
me- She said for one thing, that it
was the hard-boiled eggs and the state
of the house that did it. And when
said that the grippe was a germ, she
retorted that | had probably brought
it to her on my clothing
You remember that Betty had drawn
the nurses slip, and how pleased she
had been about it, She got up early
the morning of the first day and made
herself a lawn cap and telephoned out
for a white nurses uniform-that is.
of course, for a white uniform for a
nurse She really looked very fetch
ing. and she went around all the morn
ing with red cross on her sleeve and
a Saint Cecilia expression, gathering
mp bottles of medicine-most CT it
flesh reducer, which was pathetic, and
closing windows for fear of drafts.
She refused to help with the house
work, and looked quite exalted, but by
afternoon it had palled on her some
what. and she and Max shook dice.
Betty was really pleased when Aunt
Selma sent for her. She took in a
bottle of cologne to battle her brow.
and we all stood outside the door and
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16

listened. Betty .iptoed in in her pref
y cap arr apron. and we heard heI
cautiously draw down the shades.
What are you doing that for?'
Aunt Selma demanded. u like the
light
It's bad for your poor eyes, Betty's
tone was exactly the proper bedside
pitch, lew and sugary.
Sweet and low, sweet and low
wind Of the western seat" Dial hum
med outside
Put up those window-shadesl"
Aunt Selina's voice was strong enough
What's in that bottle?"
Betty was still mild She swished to
the window and raised the shade.
I'm so sorry you are ILL.," she said
sympathetically. This is for your
poor aching head. Now close your
eyes and lie perfectly still, and l will
cool your forehead"
There's nothing the matter with
my head, Aunt Selma retorted And
l have not lost my faculties; I am net
a child or sick cow. If that's per.
fumery, take it out"
We heard Betty coming to the door
but there was no time to get away
She had dropped her mask for min
ute and was biting her lip, but when
she saw US she forced a smile
She's i'll, poor dear" she said. 'Ii
you people will go away, l can bring
her around all right. In two hours
she will eat out of my hand"
Eat piece out of your hand" Max
scoffed in a whisper.
We waited little longer, but it was
too painful. Aunt Selma demanded a
mustard foot bath and a hot lemonade
and her back rubbed with liniment
and some strong black tea And il
the intervals she wanted to be read
to out of the prayer-book. And when
we had all gone away, there came the
most terrible noise from Aunt Selma 5
room, and every one ran. We found
Betty in the hall outside the door, cry.
ing, with her fingers in her ears and
her cap over her eye. She said she
had been putting the hot-Water bottle
to Aunt Selina's back, and it had been
too hot. Just then something hit
against the door with a soft thud, fell
to the floor and burst, for a trick,e OF
hot water came over the sill
"She won't let me hold her hand,
Betty walled, cor battle her brow, or
smooth her pillow. She thinks OF
nothing but her stomach or her back!
And when I try to make her bed look
decent, she splits at me like a cat
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
milwaukee,. March II 1917

milwaukee,, Mdfcn II, 1911-
Butter-Creamery- Extras, 26kca
prints, nc; frsts. 22Q 24c; sec
onds, 100 PIC; renovated (processJ,
% a 24c. Dairy-Fancy, 19c.
Cheese - American full cream
Twins, 1914 D14c; daisies, 400
1475c; Young Americas, 141s al
1434c; longEorns, 14% 015c; low
grades, 11@ lie; Iimburger, new.
12A @121ac; brick, liz @12e;i
Swiss, 14@16c.
Eggs-Current receipts, fresh. aS
to quality, Ice; recandled, extras,
49, zoe; seconds, 11@13c; April
No. 1, recandled, 40 16c.
Live Poultry-Fowls, 14kGf
roosters. &c; springers, 15c. Tur-
keys, tat, lie.
Potatoes Wisconsin or Michigan,
on track, 4O@43c.
Wheat-No. l, northern, 1000
1.01; No. .. northern, $50 $780,
No. 1. durum, $50 90c; No. 2, du~
rum, S6@SSc.
Barley-No. 3. go s4c; medium
S8@95c.
Corn-No. 8, yellow, 45c.
Oats-No. s, white. so 31c;
standard, SIC.
Cattle-Butchers steers, 5000
CTS; heifers, 3.75@5.25; COWS, 3.7S
a 500; stockers and feeders, 1926 q
4.75; calves, 7.000S.75.
Hogs-Good, heavy butchers, $50
@7.0O; fair to best, light, go o.
7.05; pigs, 6.50@6.75.
Sheep-Lambs, 5.75 a 6.25; ewes
325@4.O0.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
friendships Strongest lest

IN the terrible engagement at Fort
Donelson, an orderly sergeant, seeing a
conferedate point rife at the captain
of his company, threw himself before his
beloved officer, received the bullet in
his breast, and fell dead in the arms
Of him he had saved The brave fell
low had been reared and generously
treated by the captains father, and
had declared, when enlisting, that he
would be happy to die to save the
life Of his benefactor's son. The af-
festion shown by Damon and Pythfas
did not exceed that Of this nameless
soldier on the battlefield of his loved
country
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16

Everything / do is wrong. She spilled
the foot-bath into her shoes, and blam
ed me for it,
1t took the united efforts of all O:
| us-eXcept Bella, who stood back and
smiled nastily-to get Betty back into
the sick-roOm again. l was supremely
thankful by that time that I had not
drawn the nurses slip. With dinner
ordered in from one of the clubs, and
the omelet ten hours behind me, my
position did not seem so unbearable
But new development was coming
While Betty was fussing with Aunt
Selma, Max led a search of the house
He said the necklace and the bracelet
must be hidden somewhere, and that
no crevice was too small to neglect.
We made a formal search all to-
gether, except Betty and Aunt Selma.
and we found lot of things in differ.
ent places that Jim said had been
missing since the year one. But No
jewels-nothing even suggesting a
jewel was found. We had explored the
entire house, every cupboard, every
chest, even the insides of the couches
and the pockets of Jim's clothes
which he resented bitterIy-and found
nothing, and I must say the situation
was growing rather strained. Some
one had taken the jewels; they hadn't
walked away.
1t was Flanagan who suggested this
roof, and as we had tried every place
else, we climbed there. Of course "
didn't find anything, but after all do.
in the house with the shutters closed
on account of reporters, the air was
glorious. 1t was February, but quit,
mild and sunny, and we could loog
down over Riverside Drive and tb
Hudson. and even recognize people X
knew on horseback and in cars. II
was a pathetic joy, and we lined IN
along the parapet and watched the
motor-boats racing on the river. and
tried to feel that we were ii the world
as we'll as of it, but it was very hard
CTO BE CONTINUEDD
After spending a lot Of tine in get
ting what we want, most OF US sBeuo
lot more in trying to get rid Of It.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
Her Sweet Thouuht.

Little Marjorie is by no means fond
Of going to church. She has to sit too
still, and the man" talks some things
she can't yet understand.
And when you can't understand
what the minister means, you must
remember that he is talking about
good and beautiful things, and you
must make UP your mind to think of
something good yourself"
That day Marjorie was very quiet
in church, and her mother praised her
for it on the way home.
81 did just as you told me-" said
thing good"
What was It, dearie?"
Chocolates. STRAY Stories.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16

Only One Arm and Trunk of Victim
of Pleasant Prairie Powder Mill
Explosion Rema Intact.

Pleasant Prairie.-Part of the body
of E. S. Thompson, the foreman of
the glazing mill, was found today in
swamp near the railroad tracks
about mile from the scene of the
explosion. The trunk and one arm
were found
The fragments were found by ia
cob Davidson, an employe of the
powder mill.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16

body who wanted to earn a quarter
served their purpose.
One night Tom, securing the neigh
borhood for a subject, lighted on a
negro who earned a living by chayipg
glass in public houses This aj>e gen.
tleman was asked if he would come to
the loft Sc be painted.
He looted at Browne earnestly f.,
scme moments and, evidently laboring
under the impression that the natural
hue OF his body was to be altered, be
demanded: VIII It come CO. saho.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
Model Curious 10 knotD

and it was good school in its way.
Anyhow, he grew tired of the cut
and-dried methods obtaining thereof
the restraint, as he once put it TO ne
and so with about dozen ether
would-be artists he took room ovs1
some stables and there drew ant
painted from life" They took it N
turns TO procure Elodels-a tramp, q
newspaper boy, flower seller, any
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-03-16
Noble ideal.

In the effort to appreciate various
forms of greatness. let US not under
estimate the value of a simply good
life Just to be good; to keep life
pure from degrading elements, to make
it constantly helpful in little ways to
those who are touched by it to keep
ones spirit always sweet. and avoid
all manner of petty anger and irrita-
bility-that is an ideal as noble as II
is difficult