Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-09-10
NATIONAL TOPLINERS
BY JAMES HAY. JR.


fine tinessc and lugglerlike excellence in the
national squabbles.
p REPRESENTATIVE UNDERWOOD,
~ chairman of the Ways and Means Com
mlttce in Congress, represents what is known
as a manufacturing district, because 1t
contains all the factories and SIncltcrS IN and
about Birmingham, Alabama. But he also
has among his constituents lot OF farmers
of which fact he is now painfully aware.
He drove out to a settlement in Bib
County one afternoon to persuade the farm
ers they ought to vote tor him. AS nc
stepped up to the porch OF a little store, an
old man rushed up to him with the request:
- please sign this paper. It, petition to
Congressman Underwood to have young
lady postmistrcss here"
I'D be glad to sign it," said Underwood
politely; but, as I'm not a resident of this
community, my name wouldn't help you.
ooh, yes, it would" the old farmer as
sured him. Were getting everybody to
sign it, strangers and ALL Go ahead and put
your name down! That fool Congressman
will never know the difference"
JAMES HAMILTON LEWIS, once
member of Congress and now an attorney
in Chicago, was on one occasion candidate
for an elective position IN the Northwest.
At that time Lewis was famous for his pink
whiskcrs," of which he had a roscate and
flaming abundance. One day an acquaint-
ance of Lcwis's dropped into hotel and
asked the clerk:
isn't that Jim Ham Lewis over there
reading that newspaper"
"No," explained the clerk, that's a fellow
who looks SO extraordinarily like him that
Lewis's opponents have hired him to sit
around in hotel lobbies and create the i'm
preston that he is Lewis"
Lewis coined the famous idea, of you
can't praise me in the newspapers, please
roast me: but never leave my name out al
together"
A LISNER, one of the leading business
A' men and charity organizers OF the ma
tional Capital, is a wonder as piano player.
He wastes no time on light frivolous airs,
but wadcs right into grand operas
p REPRESENTATIVE HUGHES of New
~ Jersey is proud of his native State and
neglccts no opportunity to voice his pride.
One. day friend met him in the street in
Washington and said, Billy, know you re
proud of New Jersey. / like to see such
home pride. | want to boost your cause.
Use this in your next speech: The hum Of
Jerseys mosquitoes reaches to the Alaskan
hills, roars down the Pacific Coast, crashes
through the Rocky Mountains, droncs across
the Mississippi Valley, cracks like a gun
against the morasses of the Florida Ever
glades, and Initiates the shores of Europe.
AMI L. BARBER, who made for
tunes in the asphalt business, was at
one time professor of natural philosophy in
a university at Washington, d. c.,
FORMER Representative Olcott of New
York, who was not reelected to the
present Congress- was lamcnting in the
cloakroom during the last session that a
man interested in the passage of bill had
deceived him as to its general purposes.
THAT fellow doesn't bother about the
TRUTH" he concluded. "He would deceive
the very elect.
However" remarked representative
Payne, that doesn't include you"
ONE OF the great missions Of Senator Bur
~ ton of Ohio is to prevent the needless
appropriation of Government money for the
improvement of undeserving rivers and har-
bors
IF we keep on throwing money into non
navigablc rivers and shallow harbors,' he
remarked TO a friend, Eve shall never reach
limit w, shall c.ii1 rnprcbaDfre,, across