The Washington bee., 1911-04-01

| cream, never. DR.. Wiley may be
chemist, but he's hunswabbled when it
comes to knowledge of desireology.
Speaking, parenthetically, about
| George Cook, now Professor Cook,
wouldn't toy with alcohol a minute.
He has such a strong dislike for it
that when the government decided to
experiment with denatured alcohol as
fuel, George Immediately wrote a
treatise on THE Curse of Rum" and
posted it OF the university bulletin
board Why, he wouldn't use alcohol
under a chafng dish to make a welsh
Irarebit He's just "agin it. If a
teacher or pupil at Howard would
pass, by accident, on a dark night, a
, liquor sign, he might just as well con-
clude he would be reported for being
drunk under peculiar conditions.
George Cook has only one vagary,
and that's red-eye aversion. On all
other subjects he's sane. In money
matters he's got the instinct of Pier
pOnt Morgan and the characteristics
of Hetty Green. George can make
money when there is none to make,
penseS exceeded his income AS for
energy, he's a regular IO-horsepower
dynamo. He burns a hot trail with
his energy. He moves like a PenE5yl-
vania Limited, talks like a kniCker-
booker Special, and figures like Com
Harvey. It's a mighty good thing for
| Howard that it has man like George
! Cook for secretary. He's right there
with the goods, and If anybody kin,
| he kin" keep a line on the business
end of that knowledge factory. \
| few years agO-dbOut two-GeOrge
went down to Blue Plains, and ran
that POSTGRADUATE branch of Howard
in a way that made the District Off
cials sit up and take notice. He in
| jected life and business and order
into that institution. Then, like old
sport Cincinnatus, he returned to his
plow - Howard University - and has
been furnishing energy for the whole
push up on Howard Hill ever since.
Oh, George is some more people, let
me tell you. If they want something
done, done right, and done quick, all
they have to do is say, LET George do
it," and the bread is baked But if
they want someone to take about four
fingers of Trim5le, ard say LET
George do ii" you are sure to be
given an imitation of an eruption of
old Vesuvius. Did George ever take a
smile? Well, now, | don't know; but
| | reckon not; for If he had he
wouldn't be so bitter against an elixir.
Well, now, don't you know | came
near forgetting DR.. w. L. Board. Well,
| | did. You see, Doc is such modest,
retiring fellow that you are liable to
overlook him when sending out invi-
/ tationS to a slow gin luncheon. Clever
| fellow, though. Always wears his
smile-One of those kind that won't
come off. He, too, IS one of those
stingy men; too stingy to hook up
with something sweet in form of a
woman. Doc is so backward that if a
woman speaks to him he's liable to
sprain an ankle in an effort to make
some reply. He's got a penchant-
oh, penchant is a beaut!-fOr widows,
but lacks nerve to make google eyes
at her that sound like a proposal. Did
you ever happen IN his national bank
when a pretty woman enters and calls
for a sundae? Well, you ought to see
teeth of his, first stands on one foot
and then the other, toys with his face,
t. and then, hesitatingly says: What
flavor, please% When she gently and
sweetly peeps to him that she wants
peach, Doc, in his nervousness. dumps
all the flavors in the fountain into her
sundae, and when she offers him the
change he says, just like million
aire: ooh, never mind the pay; we
: | give everything away here" After she
is gone Doc marks everything in the
store up 10 per cent in order to get
even for his nervous and unintentional
extravaganza. It's a pity Doc Board
is not married. A brighter, cleaner
and straighter man never compounded
a prescription on which was made IOC
. per cent profit. You ask me if he is
making money. I'll answer that ques-
ton by asking if they are making
p money over at the Bureau of Engrav-
ing and Printing. Some of these
bright days, when the sun is speculat-
ing on both sides of the street, this
mixer of drugs and financier of Negro
busts, will slip out of Washington
head his mules toward the land OF
, lynchings, and return with a beaut
Now, | know | am giving away a Sc
cret, but I just can't keep it any
longer.
=. IF Tillie Seguine, the bone1ess ser
oentine movement female who has
Ieen doing several kinds of stunts at