davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
Hlo Signature,

What is the delay?" asked a re.
porter who was waiting in the ante.
room of Independence hall while the
Declaration of Independence was be-
ing signed
Il understood that the document
would be filled out and ready to be
handed to the press long before
this"
They haven't all written their
names to 1t yet" explained the patriot
VINO had come out to get some fresh
air.
Losing hearth"
mo Had to send for more ink
John Hancock used up the last half
OF the bottle for his signature.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15

Papa carried baby brother
TO the pulpit down the aisle
ana folks thought that they wou
smother;
They were gasplng all the while
For the church was fumigated
With some antiseptic smoke
And the stuff was agitated
EVERY time we sung or spoke
With a rustic of her laces
Mamma walked by papa's side;
FROM her garments still came traces
Telling of formaldehyde.
All was very still and solemn
And the organ murmured there
Tones that echoed from each column
In a disinfected air.
Inen the pastor came and met them
Dressed IN rubber coat and mask
we nad feared lest he forget them
when he undertook the task
Silently he stood and waited
While the organ softly played,
And as atomizer freighted
with benzoic acid, sprayed.
Then he took the vase OF water
Warranted all free from germs,
And baptized the little daughter.
Using most impressive terms.
Sterilzed, the congregation
Sat microbeless in the pews
And observed the conservation
la scientific views.
Yet we're feeling far from merry,
And we fear that all is spoiled
Mamma. womanlike, contrary,
wouldn't let the child be boIiedt
So we sit and sigh and wonder
And at night we lie awake
thinking Of this dreadful blunder-
The baptism may not take
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
WHY Daniel Was Unframed.

Can any of you tell me-, the Sun
day school teacher asked, why Dan
lei when he was cast into the den
with the lions, was unharmed?"
81 can, please" piped the juvenile
who always figures in this brand Of
anecdote.
"Well?"
Cause, teacher, he belonged to
the show. -Everybody's Magazine.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
a confirmed pessimist.

Appropos Of Canadian reciprocity,
N. c.. Goodwin said the other day at
the Lambs in New York:
But you can't rely on Senator
Blank. Blank is never satisfied. !
visited his ranch one day and he had
the finest crop ever saw harvested.
Il knew, though, that Blank would
have something to complain about,
and. sure enough, when | remarked.
This is a record crop, you lucky ras-
CALI Blank frowned and said:
Eyes. but I'm afraid it's going to
be a terrible strain on the land.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
Moneys Worth.

What's the price O. that meter y,
the country road?" asks the new plu.
tocrat, who is stocking up the cal.
lery In his new home.
That is my masterpiece" explains
the artist. Il have always hesitated
to part with it. But might consider
an offer of $4,000 for it,"
TITS purity, friend, but 1t doesn't
show the money. Tell you what III
do. You paint In a $4,000 tourin' car
on that road an I'll not kick about
the thousand dollars worth O. seen.
cry Must be ten acres O. good corn
land inside that frame, anyhow"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15

And think it is positively brutal
of you to talk as you do just because
spent what did for the bonnet"
continues the wife. And | am going
right home to mother, SO there!"
Il wouldn't If were YOU" replies
the husband, without looking up from
his paper.
20, of course you Wouldn't
We'll, your father telephoned me
that your mother is angry with him
because he thinks she paid too much
Tor her bonnet and that she is pack
ing her trunk to come and live with
you"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
Cruel and lnhuman.

Il hear that Mrs. Cole, the wife of
the dentist, is suing him for divorce"
yes. Too bad that he treated her
that way, wasn't it?"
What did he do?"
"She had to have a tooth filled one
day, and when he got her into the
chair and gagged with one of those
rubebr contrivances, ne stood there
and talked at her all afternoon, re-
fusing to give her a chance to answer
back"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
Too Deliberate,

A Judge In demanding a criminal
called him scoundrel.
The prisoner replied: "Sir. am no,
as big scoundrel as you"--here the
culprit stopped, but finally added
take me to be-
"A little less deliberationl" exclaim
ed the judge.-Tit-Bits.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
HIS IMPRESSION.

Our landlady has cabinet OF
rare antiques" observes the star
boarder.
Il suppose So" says the new board
er, regarding his Easter egg with
some concern.
yes, 1t is In the corner of the
parlor."
In the parlor? Why, thought II
must be in the pantry"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
LIKE A LAMB TO SLAUGHTER.

Where is that new dress you had
made to wear today?" asks the hus-
band when his wife announces that
she is ready for church.
l-l-you see, DEAR" she con.
fesses. the cook was angry and
threatened to quiet, so gave 1t to
her to put her in good humor and
get her to stay awhile longer with
U.s."
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
MERELY A GAM E.

Harold, If hear you talking to
your sister again as | did just now |
shall have to whip you even harder.
Where in the world did you pick up
such bad language?"
Wasn't picking bad language. We
was playing Easter dress"
Playing what?"
Easter dress. It's a new game
She was my wife and wanted to get
a new dress"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
Tit for Tat.

Dear Clara" wrote the young man.
pardon me, but I'm getting so forget
full. proposed to you last night, but
really forget whether you said yes or
no."
Dear WILL" she replied by note,
80 glad to hear from you. | know
said yes to some one last night, but
had forgotten just who 1t was. Red
Hen
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
Business Proposition.

Doctor" said the apprehensive
looking man, lis 1t true that there are
people with nervous trouble that
throw them into prolonged and uncon.
trollable laughter"
There are such cases."
We'll, IL you'll go through the hos
pitfalls and collect some I'll pay them
good money. I'm the author of a new
farce"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
a Great Invention.

The Peddler-This is little device
especially designed for use in our
spring weather.
The Housekeeper-Wha Is it?
The Peddler--It may be used one
minute as fan and the next to shovel
off the snow
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
THE ANNUAL ADVANCE.

Advance styles in bonnets,
Advance styles in dress,
Advance styles in jackets
They cause us distress.
Advance modes in fabrics,
Advance styles in lace,
Advance styles In slippers
They lengthen the face.
Advance styles in ribbons
For trimming or sash
1t all means that papa
Advances more cash.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
His Claim to Fame,

you say that hardfaced young fell
low over there is your most eminent
citizen?"
HE shore is. Mebbe you don't be-
lieve it, mister, but that there young
Teller took a spring trainin trip with
the Giants one year"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
A Decided Chance.

Doctor-You certainly do look bet
ter. You must hay, followed my ad-
vice and had change.
Patient-Yes, doctor, l have
Doctor--Where did you go?
PATIENT went to another physi-
niou
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15

Excuse US. but ringing the Easter
belle is not always preliminary an
nouncement Of the coming of the
June bride.
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15

But" say the creditors Of the man
who is going into bankruptcy, "he has
a $4,000 automobile-ha had IL for
over a year. Yet we do not see II
listed with his assets. That seems
strange"
Gentlemen" observes the assignee
surely you know that an automobile
isn't an asset. It's q liability"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15
TIRED OF THEM.

why doesn't your brother 20 to
church this morning and see all the
pretty bonnets and frocks?"
He's a window trimmer"
The Pioche record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1908-1925, 1911-04-15

That's fine hat your wife wears"
The eminent jurist gazed sadly at
the hat as It bobbed down the street
ON the head Of the sharer Of his joys
and sorrows.
Yes" he agreed. in judicial tones,
'fne-and costs"
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17

While New Year is only an imagin-
airy line drawn through time tn mark
Its DIVISION. IL possesses Il sentiment
which moves us all. 1t marks q
definite starting point IN our lives
every year and We take 4 fresh hold
upon our prospects and renew II
faith in ourselves and look out upon
the coming year as upon q new. fair
field, with promise Of better things. /
do not much believe in formal resolu-
tons proclaimed loudly from the
eminence OF Il vanity. The man who.
on New Years 'swears off, his bad
habits for a definite period and mott
fies his friends and neighbors. Is. from
my observation. only hypnotizing him
self. He may honestly intend 10
stick to his good resolutions. and per-
haps makes his announcements as a
sort of mental and moral prop. But
if he is in deadly earnest h only
needs to promise allegiance to God
and himself. If he does the things
he means to do his friends and neigh
bors will give him credit, and if h
fails they will not know of his broken
vows. Reforms come from within and
deeds. not words, prove q mans sin
ccrity.
The old year has been a kindly one
to the CT America. They have
prospered, and they have made nation
al adVancement in social and moral
life, new comforts in every day life.
better methods of farming. and a
broader view OF the field of endeavor
have been mons the achievements Of
the old year. From the year to come
we hope that every one Of US may
have greater prosperity, larger bless
ings, INC better lives.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17
TIE PORTUGAL STRIk rs.
The sa1:ircad Strike Endcd-SyIHpa-
,netic Strikes VIII BE Settled.

IBV Associated PreSS-b
Lisbon. Jan. 1.-THE strike OF the
railroad employees Of Portugal which
began January Il ended today. This
will probably result in q peaceful set
tlement Of the commercial disturbance
occasioned by the walkout OF thou
sands Of men in all departments OF
labor in sympathy with the -al-oad-
ers.
Already the store clerks have re
turned to work. and for the past 4"
hours representatives Of h employees
of the railroads and men Of these
organizations were in conference at an
endeavor to settle the grievances 81
the men. Last night the gas men and
electricians threatened to join the
strikers. AT the solicitation Of the
the railroad directors this
evening offered further concessions t"
their employees which were accepted
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17
Or. Joseph Lister g. Co.
liz .22 Fifth Ave.. Chicago
Can+loron.-I am tnouhlod With

Genffemen:T 6m tr0ub1ed VIII ................
uNAns you afaUeED
Please send me-, absolutely free, your full dollar
treatment for same. and Also your book which tells
how men can treat themselves SUCCESSFULLY thoms.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17
REMEMBERED THE. SIGNAL.

A farmer in Pennsylvania recently
bought a horse that had been worn
out in the service Of the town fire
department. The horse now mistakes
the sound of the farm dinner bell for
a fire alarm. and every time it rings
he Whirls around and makes as bee
line for the house. One day the farm
er's wife started to market with the
horse hitched to a light wagon. and
the husband desiring to attract his
wife's attention. ang the dinner bell.
a fash the horse wheeled around
and dashed back to tire house. leaving
the farmer's wife and her load OF pro-
duce distributed along the road.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17
FeaStinS ON Chatham Rabbits
(Siier City Grit


The Legislators from the east and
from the west who assembled in
biennial session in Raleigh last We'd
nesday for their sixty DAYS session.
will have the privilege Of feasting on
Chatham rabbits and birds. Already
the shipments from Siler City to Raj
eigh have increased and they should
form a profitable means of lobbying.
Western Chatham and Eastern Ran
dolph viii demand q new county with
Siler City as the county seat in course
of tn. next ten years, n when such
a is made, We may be depended
upon to be successful-provided, of
course, the above suggested means Of
lobbying retains its potent charm.
But back to the present. It would
not be at all surprising to see some
Senator's. dignified and gormandized
by their new diet. lope down the streets
of Raleigh with their ears atuned 10
the seductions Of the lobbyist. In fact,
so dainty are they likely to become
Of u verify will they be known
of all men as confirmed rabbi eat
ers, for rabbits. be it understood, are
the most clearly and f%astidious OF all
animals. lThe foregoing only applies
to those Legislators who are but now
enjoying the satisfaction of fried rab-
bit for the first time, and, of course,
eXempts Senators LOndo and Melon
aid n Representative Wilson, all of
whom were raised on the little quad
ruped and hence cannOt acquire the
above "rabbitry' traits for they 81
ready had them. Ex-senator Settle
Dockery should be included some
where in the above.}
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17
MASTERS AND SHELLEY.
In Default of Bond. Men Charged With
Using Mails to Dcfraud Are Put in
lRv the Associated PreSs.D

(Ry the Associated Press
Jackson, Miss, Jan. lin default
Of bail in the sum of SIS, 600 each, L. 6.
Sibley and II. G.. Masters, who were
arrested here on charges OF using the
mails with intent to defraud in con-
n%ection with the promotion Of a con-
Germ known as the Albenarle Devel-
opment Company, were remanded TO
iail here today to await orders OF Fed
eral Judge Niles 70 rtransfer OF the
cases to the jurisdiction Of the United
States Court for the Western District
of North Carolina.
Post Office Inspector j. W. Bulla. OF
North Carolina, has presented docu-
entar evidence in support of the
contention that the development com
pany was being promoted in a manner
fraudulent.
Inspector Pulia testified that on an
investm ent Of $1,000 for one hundred
acres of land near Aibemarle the pro-
meters had realized about a quarter
Of a million dollars. 1t was stated
that Sibley had been connected with
the operation OF q similar scheme at
Whiteboro. Texas. about FIVE years
ago
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17
Big Hogs Killed In Gates.
Especial to News and Observer

Especial to News and Observer
Trotyille, Jan. 14.-While other
counties are talking about their big
hogs. Gates county is not to be omit
ted. Messrs- r. j.. Cochrane and FL
bert Riddick. two Of the most enter
priSing farmers in Gates county, each
killed q hog q few days ago. Mr..
Cochrane's tipped the scales at go,
while Mr.. Riddick's pulled down $50
pounds. These men are model farm
ers, are near ~neighbors. their farms
being divided by a small! branch, and
not only arc they successful in raising
hogs, but also corn. cotton. peanuts
and potatoes are raised by them in
la r. .-,,artifias.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17

An Eastern dairyHan has the tail
Of zach Of his cows sprayed with an
atonizer containing filtered water be-
fore milking time With this method
there il no Likelihood Of dust being
switched into the milk pals.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17

Walnut growers estimate the Eng
lish' walnut crop of California this
year at 5000 tons and expect to rea-
liZe $1,750,00 on it. This is a much
larger sum than was paid the growers
for their crop last year.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17

Horns of cattle killed at the big
stock yards throughout the country
are used for combs, hairpins, and sim
liar articles. Owing to the increasing
practice Of dehorning, the supply of
horns is diminishing and it is now
quite difficult to procure high-grade
horns.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17

According to statistics the wool elm
OF Wyoming for th;s season was 40
eo0.0o6 pounds. valued It about So
09O,a coo gross.
The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1911-01-17

We want to prove to your own perfect ~saeisfac.
tion-that you can be cured-not simply fixed up
q bit or made to feel q little better-but cured
renewed in vim and vigor. This proof Of cure
one full dollars worth-ws gladly give you free
free Of cost. charge or obligation to you Of any
kind whatsoever.
If you suffer from any man-weakenins ailnncnt.
such AZ lack of power or nervous debility. or any
kidney. bladder. stomach Or liver complaint. or any
form Of blood poison. constitutional or organic
disease. write US today. telling Us In Q few words
what ails you. and at once, free of charge. VIC will
specially prescribed and personally prepared rem.
edy for your particular ailrnent, which w.l PROVE
to ou-without it costing you one penny-thae
you can be cured-Quickly and completely.
When you write just fill In the space below. that
is all, and at the same time, also free. sealed and
prepaid, We will send you q book on mems ailments
which gives Instructions On how men are success
fully cured at home. Write NOW-but send NO
MONEY.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24

Tho second degree Of the order will bs
conferred upon candidates at a meetins
Of sarepta Lodge Of Odd Fellows thi,
evening. 1.. '-., -
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Snow Several Weeks
OF, Says Forecaster

Washington and this section of the
United States are not to be visited by
a snowstorm for some weeks, accord
ing to the Weather Bureau, which
yesterday caused some excitement
among the youngsters whose little red
sleds have been for so long unused. A
forecast was issued by the bureau
telling Of rain or snowstorms'' which
would sweep the entire country east OF
the Rockies during the next few days.
1.-The rain portion of the prediction
applies only to this part Of the United
States" said one of the forecasters
this morning. "Out in Montana today
one of the heaviest SHOWS Of several
years is falling. The storm, which is
carrying the great amount Of white
ness. is headed toward the Canadian
Rockies, and will not visit the East.
There will be some cool weather,
with here and there cold night In
the next two or three weeks. but moth
ing even resembling snow can be seen
on any Of our charts yet"
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
EXPLOSION THEORY
Of V[N|REMEN TEST
IN M'NAMARA JURY
Attempts Of Defense to Fix
Union Feelings Denied
by Court.

LOS ANGELES, Cal, Oct 2.-Despite
the ruling Of Judge Bordwell that the
holding of an opinion that the Los
Angeles Times building was destroyed
by dynamite, is not sufficient to dis
qualify Juror from the Mcnamara
case, the defense prepared to-day to re-
frame the issue to secure at least a
second ruling on the subject. The de-
fense's attorneys agreed to try to quail
lfy the first venireman who intimates
that he leans toward the gas theory,
thus compelling positive ruling on this
point.
Three yeniremen examined late yes
terday afternoon we're eliminated.
Fifty times by actual count Davis de-
manded whether the venireman believed
the United States would be better OIL II
ored dscrimina tion between union and
non-union men. and whether he believed
the most lawless men are members of
labor unions. No matter how he framed
tornev tor ess sSiected n and the court @ s,stained
The ISjit here of K. N. Nockles. secre-
tnry of the Chicago Federation Of
Labor, is shrouilcd In mystery. Attorney
naST he 1er simply ne seosht p @
tiict Attorney Fredricks says he
brought additional funds to help the de-
fenses campaign
IL - learned pOSftlVely, however, tnat
one reason is that he brought the state
ments of dozen witnesses who will be
depended on by Darrcw 10 prove an
elibi Cor James D. Mcnamara, should 1t
fina lily be dacided 10 make that the sec-
ondary defense. The first defense, Of
course, will be that the Times was not
dynamtted.
The State is daily bringing more wit
nesses into court to look over the de-
fendant to decide whether they can
IDENTITY him as James Bryce or tell
where they saw him fer a month before
the disaster. Burns detectives say they
will have an absolutely perfect case,
With direct evidence tracing McNana-
ra's movement which will be impossible
to overturn by any labor witnesses.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
FARMERS SEEKING
BETTER SHELTER
!, At CITY. MARKETS
Would Aid in Lowering
Cost of Living, They
'Es,, Argue.

With the avowed purpose of reducing
the high cost of living and at the
same time helping themselves to pct
ter location, q committee of thirty farm
ers, representing all who sell goods at
the farmers stands at the Center
and other markets of Washington.
waited upon w. C. Haskell. of the De-
partment of Weights and Standards .or
the District this morning, t6 plan :or a
mammoth shed to cover farmers row"
from Tenth street to Twelfth street.
between B street and Little street
northwest. s~
I'VE want to set the proper machinery
In motion to get Congress to make ;he
proper appropriation" said E. p. Mar
gerum, chairman of the farmers COM
mittee. During bad weather 1t Is al
most imossible for the farmers to sell
their goods, for there IS no protectio
from the elements. and customers will
not venture out to buy of us. What
we ask Is that we have a protection.
such rs the commission men have.
from US at any time. and the profits of
the middlemen can be eliminated"
FOR nve years a protection of this
kind has been urged. Members of the
committee suggested that If 1t was
pense upon thel farmers stands" be-
cause of their location in front Of the
New National Museum, that nor G
suitable location. near both car lines
market moved there. Then, 1t was
pointed out. If the site of the pres
ent Center Market should be con-
demned, the new markets could be
keil will take the matter up with the
District Commissioners. ...
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
High School Magazine,
Balance Sheet" is Out

The Balance Sheet Is out today.
The Business High School monthly.
enlarged into magazine size and contain
ing new cuts. was distributed to pupils
at the school this afternoon. Besides
general school news and departments
relating tN such activities as football,
debating. the drill. and other interests.
the magazime contains short stories and
poems contributed by pupils. And. like
every well-regulated magazine. 1t has
its Joke department.
William s. Lyons is eGitor-in-chief
while the business management Is d.
rectrd bv Julian Eisemsn. Ahra Finch
is circulation manager and Edith M.
GRAY has charge of the literary depart
ment. Faculty supervisors of the publ
cation this Wear are Charles Hart and
Miss Sibyl Baker.
The Washington times., 1911-10-24
Wiley to Start Fight
On Patent Medicines

As soon as Congress convenes next
December. DR.. Harvey w. Wiley will
begin a fight in Congress ito bring the
patent medicine makers up to the mark
of honest dealing with the public"
An amendment to the existing pure
food and drug act will be sought which
will prevent the sale of valueless prepa-
rations advertised and labeled as cures
for various ills. The Department of
Agriculture experts want Congressional
authority to suppress concerns now
making false or extravagant claims for
their products" According to a decis-
ion of the Supreme Court last spring.
the existing law does not put any re.
structions upon the labelling Of patent
medicines, 80 long as they contain MOTH
ing harmful.
Two bills have already been introduced
to effect this purpose. One Is fathered
by Representative Sherley Of Kentucky,
and the other by Representative r.
Richardson Of Alabama. .