davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
: GOOD Jokes e $
Not consollnn.

Not consoiIns.
One OF the boys had broken one
OF the school rules and NO one would
own up.
The teacher announced that he
would thrash the whole class II some
one did not tell him who had CON-
mlttted the ofIenso.
All were silent, and he began With
The flrst boy. and thrashed every ono
In the class until finally hs reached
the last one. Then he said: Nov.
II you will tell me who did this ]
won't thrash you"
-An right. sir. did it, was the -
ply.-Ideas.
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
haipful oaIlarx.

She was a maiden all forlorn. Alas!
that in this rich and powerful land q
girl should be In such a plight and
none by to pity. The play was the
stirring drama. "The Apes Revenge"
and the maiden all forlorn had been
decoyed into the heart Of the dank
and dreadful forest by the villain and
left there. bound hand and foot, In the
cave that was inhabited by the terror
OF the underworld. the fearsome great
ape.
"Ha, Ha. gurrl' cried the villain.
as he made OF to partake Of shandy.
gan in the wings. This is to defy
Montmorency De Wowwow! Present.
ly the ape will return. and you will
be no more! FAREWELL"
Presently the pad.pad Of the great
apes feet was heard. Nearer and
nearer it crept. and the beautiful ones
shrieks rent the air. In the distance
her lovers horse was heard approach.
ing. but he could never reach her in
time to save her.
"Oh!" she moaned. what shall do
what shall ! do?"
Then like q bolt from the blue.
came the solution Of the awful prob
lem from a young man in the gallery.
Throw It some nuts. miss!" he sug.
gested. and thereby utterly Grabbed
the finest situation in the piay.-An.
swers.
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
A10 Economy.

Ihe children In the Blank family
we're taught habits OF neatness at the
table BY being compelled to pay .
nne OF one cent for every spot they
put on the tablecloth- One day Har-
old. . boy Of seven years. was dis
covered rubbing the overhanging part
OF the cloth between his fingers. and.
when taken to task for It. he said:
why. wust Just trying to rub two
spots into one."-Woman's Home
Compaion-
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
The Puff Personal.

You are evidently very fond OF
books. sir" said an old gentleman to
young man In q train car. May I
ask you whom you consider the best
novelist OF the dayf"
Jenkins. undoubtedly" said the
young man. There's nobody can
write like Jenkins. Why. sir. the cir.
culating libraries can't supply his
novels fast enough"
At this moment another man en-.
tered the train car and addressed the
young man.
"Hello. Jenkins" he said. "How are
you today ?"-Tit.Bits,
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
dEGAPH0NE HAS FOUR TUNES
instrument Can Be Heard In Every
Direction, Even In Back Looks
Like Lobster.

Anyone who has ever sat on a
randstand during a football game or
rack and field sports knows how linn
led is the radius Of sound that issues
rom a megaphone. The announcer
lust turn in three different directions
uccessfully to make an announcemtnt
, one section. A Maine woman has
pparently solved this problem In the
legaphone she has designed. 1t looks
ke big lobster more than anything
lse. but 1t is credited with doing the
,ork. The usual trunk tube has two
ltermediate branches near the mid
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
His Future Plans.

She was a lady visitor to the prison.
kindly and we'll meaning. and as she
chatted with a burglar who had been
sentenced to six months Imprisonment
she thought she detected signs of re-
form In him.
And now." she said. have you
any plans for the future. on the expia-
alton Of your sentence?"
"Oh, yes. ma'am." he said. hopeful.
ly. i've got the plans Of two banks
and a post ONCE"
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
Not 80 Very Romantic.

"Gloriana." faltered tho ardent
youth. "ts this the end1"
Reginald" she answered. with
world OF compassion In her soft brown
eyes. 1t Isl"
Weary OF tho strain OF holding the
skein OF flossy yarn which the maides
had been winding into . ball. Reginaid
dropped bis exhausted arms to his
sides and drew . long breath OF -
Lief.
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
Try Il.

MARY" said a mother to her quick.
tempered little girl. you must not get
mad and say naughty things. You
should always give a soft answer"
When her little brother provoked
her an hour afterward Mary clinched
her little fist and said: "Mushl"-
The Watchword
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
Unworthy Of hls lovs

Unworthy Of His Love.
George Tillson and Mamie Spragus
are engaged"
For soodness sake! l always
thought he had good taste"
"Weu. Mamie isn't . bad LOOKING
girl"
But look at the style OF her. She
doesn't hide her ears BY combing her
hair over them"
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
He Knew the Game.

Nov. Archie" asked the school.
mistress. dilating on the virtue of DO
liteness. III you were seated in a
tram car. every seat OF which was 90.
cupied. and a lady entered. what
would you dor"
pretend l was asleep" was tho
prompt reply.-Tit.Bits.
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
The Reason.

The Reason.
Though actors are superstitious a.
. rule. they are not afraid OF bsins
in haunted houses"
"They are not1'
mo: you can't scare an actor By
putting him any place where the ghost
walks"
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
TRICK WITH COINS is NOVEL
With Glass Full Of Water Several
Pieces May Be Dropped In With.
out Overflow.

Take glass and fill 1t to the brim
with water. taking care that the sur
face Of the water Is raised a little
above the edge OF the glass. but not
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
Took Precautions,

Took Precautions.
Mrs. Brown-Im thinking Of giving
up using fresh milk. read an arti-
clio in the paper saying all kinds Of
infection can be got from it."
Milkman-Don't worry. madam: our
water is always well boiled nrst-
London Sketch.
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
A 9ura alon.

THAT woman pretends to nova in
the most aristocratic social circles, but
J have found out ono fact which
strongly intimates she does nothing Of
the sort"
what IL itr'
"She pays all her bills.
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
Silent Watchers.

Gladys-What are the silent watch.
ers Of the night, Ethel? Ethel don't
know. unless those they've forgotten
to wind up.
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
UneeSaonahla

did your friend have good time
on his hunting trip7"
mo: didn't enjoy himseif At ali
Tho guides got peevish about hts
shooting SO many Of them for sams.
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15

ciassifyIno Himself.
Eve ION seeing him for the drs,
time)-Who are you, sir3
Adam-I'm Exhibit A, madam.
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15

1HE BEAST
A sweet faced dolly,
With bright. golden hair.
Was put in a couch
With big Teddy bear.
"Dear me" thought the doll
To her little self.
HE will eat me up
The mean, horrid elf."
But as she couldn't talk.
She Just sat and stared:
She might try to walk.
II she only dared.
Beauty and the beast"
A little boy said.
And dolly was so shocked
She looked as II dead.
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
Soup for Swimming.

Mamma" queried little four-year.
d Nellie at the dinner table the 9th.
evening, What makes people eat
up first and then fish? Is 1t so the
h can 20 in swimming"
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
Even Then.

Even Then.
The Wise men. never speak TN they
Have something well worth while to say,
And. being wise and thoughtful men,
They 0ay but little Svon thea,
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15
Sweet Melody

us sweet. indeed. to hear the hen
Lift up her voice . peg:
For now when cost OF NyinR'a hixh
It means another egg,
The Ordway new era., 1911-12-15

Looking Forward.
''There'l, be no prunes in heaven"
A boarder softly sighs.
Who dreams OF sins forgiven
And . mansion in the skies.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
The Soap and Water Cure.

The traveller in the Himalayas must
be prepared for surprises. Two days
after the Hon. c. G.. Bruce had reach
ed Mana he received message from
young lady saying that ever since
she had seen him on the day of his
arrival she had been Ill. II was very
much hurt, allow" says Major Bruce
in "Twenty Years In the Himalayas."
During the course of Il short but inter
esting career no such snub had ever
been administered to my self respect.
I said, But can't do anything? She
said, Yes; wash your face and let me
have the water. So we got hot water
and soap, and she sat on rock to see
that there was no deception. The
water. or. rather. the decoction. was
then put into a long tumbler. and she
then and there drank it all! What is
more, the next day she sent word that
she was quite cured"
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14

THE NEWS OFFICE.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
HANGED the Clever Foreer.

OF curious petitions against the
death penalty being enforced one re-
calls the eighteenth century case of
William Lyland. who was sentenced
for forging bill for fI,1l4 on the
East India House The forgery was
a work of art. No less than thirty
signatures were initiated. and at the
trial not one of the victims could
swear that the signature was not his
own. However. with the help of the
paper manufacturers Ryland's guilt
was brought home. Then came the
petition of his friends. So clever a
man ought never to be hanged. they
pleaded. His craftsmanship should
save him. 1t gained him respite.
He was allowed to finish fine en-
craving he had begun. but nothing
more Though the engiaver was a ia
vorite of George ILL.,, that king quite
failed to see how forgery could be
excused on the ground that it was a
clever forgery.-Pall Mali Gazette.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14

Every whnler itni sl.iCr that sailed
fhe seas In the days of wooden ships
tarried tire bag This was tarpau-
lin bag about foot long and six inches
wide lined with waterproof material,
with interlinings of oicloth and thick
flannel. Into this was placed the flint
and tinder box for kindling fire. and
the bag was then securely fastened
with double flaps and tied to keep its
contents dry. 1t was t:e special duty
of the second mate to look after the
fire bag and in case Of shipwreck to at
tack 1t at onre to his person by means
of stout straps provided for the pur-
pose. Thus if officers and crew were
cast away on some deserted shore in
the desolate arctic circle the means OF
obtaining fire to warm themselves by
and to heat food and drink would not
be wanting as long as the precious fire
bag was safe
The steam whalers and sealers of the
present day still carry a fire bag slowed
In the lifeboat with the bread and wa
ter, but now ii is of rubber and con
tains half dozen tin boxes of matches
New York Press.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14

Four Hundred Years Before Peary.
The north pole is the place of great
est dignity in the world. and the peo-
pie who dwell near 1t have a won
derful excellency and an exceeding
prerogative above all nations of the
earth" How blessed we may think
this nation to be. for they are in per-
petual light and never know what
darkness meaneth, by the benefit of
twilight and full moons. as the learned
in astronomy do very well know,
which people. If they have the notice
of their eternity by the comfortable
light of the gospel, then are they
blessed and all of nations most blessed.
Why then do we neglect the search of
this excellent discovery. against which
there can be nothing said to hinder the
same?-From Hakuyts Voyage (Six-
teenth Century,.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
BANKERS Want
LAWS CHANGED
Legislative Committee Will Recon-
mend Several Changes at
Meeting in May.

Jackson, Miss, April 14.-The legis-
lative committee of the Mississippi
Bankers Association met at Jackson
Wednesday and decided to recon-
mend several proposed laws to the
association which meets in annual
convention at Greenwood in May.
The committee is composed of
Messrs. w. M. Anderson, Jackson,
chairman A. G. Campbell, Natchez; ;
J. w. McGrath, Brookhaven; Walker
Broach, Meridian; B. w. Griffith.
Vicksburg, and J. F. Flournoy, Can
ton, who were present. Mr.. E. w.
McMorries of Meridian also attended
the meeting.
While the committee will recon-
mend several proposed laws to the
association, but none of them will be
made public until the association has
passed upon the recommendation. Tho
committee will, at the next session OF
the legislature, take steps to secure
the enactment of such laws as the
association recommends.
There will be no radical Legislation
suggested, but the laws passed upol
by the committee, and which will bt
submitted to the association, will sim
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14

lungs, the body discharges through the
perspiration impurities in the ratio of
II to 7. You see the function of the
perspiration is rather important.
Besides this, the gastric juice, the
pancreate juice, the bile, the blood,
the saliva, are all liquid in nature.
Where is this liquid that the body
needs to carry off the impurities, and
that it needs also for it's essential
fluids, to come from if we drink an in
sufficient amount of water?
1t is easy to see, is it not, what is
going to happen? In the first place,
there is not sufficient fluid matter to
carry off the impurities, and they re-
main in the system, poisoning it in
many ways. In the effort to secure
this fluid, the body draws upon the
digestive fluid, the blood, upon any
liquid it can find to supply the def
cheney Consequently the digestion is
impaired, the blood impoverished. A
whole train of ills follow-indigestion
anaemia, languor, kidney trouble. All
sorts of reasons are assigned for these
| ills, and drugs are resorted to as a
remedy. When often the root of the
whole trouble is this lack of insufficient
water; and if water were drunk daily
in proper quantity, these troubles
would gradually disappear.
Since the body loses two quarts of
water day, at least two quarts should
be drunk. 1t is better to drink small
quantities often, than large amount
at one time. A drink the first thing
in the morning, and the last at night
is beneficial. Water should not be
used at meals to wash down" the
food. so as to get rid OF chewing it
This, of course, is wrong, because II
interferes with digestion. A moder
ate quantity is not harmful.
When you drink is however mat
ter of taste. The chief thing is tt
drink. At least, two quarts of waite
day should be taken, and If thos'
who are not drinking that much nov
will begin to do so, they will find thei
health improving to a marked extent
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
HAIR HEALTH
If You Have Scalp Or Hair Trouble,
Take Advantage Of This
Offer.

We could not afford to so strongly
endorse Rexall "93" Hair Tonic and
continue to sell it as we do, if it did
not do all we claim it will. Should
our enthusiasm carry us away, and
Rexall "9S" Hair Tonic not give entire
satisfaction to the users, they would
lose faith in us and our statements,
and in consequence our business pres
tige would suffer.
We assure you that if your hair is
beginning to unnaturally fall out or if
you have any scalp trouble, Rexall
"93" Hair Tonic will promptly eradicate
dandruff, stimulate hair growth and
prevent premature badness.
Our faith in Rexall "93" Hair Tonic
is so strong that we ask you to try it
on our positive guarantee that your
money will be cheerfully refunded If
it does not do as we claim. Two
sizes, soc and $1.O0. Sold only at our
store-The Rexall Store.-THE OWL
DRUG STORE, F. E. Williams & Sons,
Proprietors, Front G Main Streets,
Hattiesburg.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
THE WORTH OF WATER TO
HEALTH.
(By Barbara Boyd.)

Most people have good deal OF
thought to the quality of water they
drink, but not much attention to the
quantity. Yet quantity is quite as
important as quality. If not enough
water is drunk, the health will suffer
quite as surely as when impure water
is drunk The results may not be so
immediate, but they are none the less
certain.
We all have rather vague ideas of
the value of water to health. Some
instinctively, or because they like wa
ter, drink a sufficient quantity. But
the majority of people, for one reason
or another, do not drink enough. And
not knowing the injudious effects of
this practice, give the water no
thouE1 %hatever. Often in business
offices water is not convenient, and
some do not like the bother of going
for it. They do not want drink
enough to go to the trouble of getting
it. They would rather go without it
Sometimes the water is not palitable
In some cities, the water that runs
from the faucet is impure, and sc
rather than run the risk of typhoid
many drink little. In the home, the
housewife is often so busy she never
thinks of taking a drink of water
And so from thoughtlessness or indif
ference, scarcely a glass of water is
drunk day by many.
Serious injury to health follows
from this fact. Yet seldom is this
ascribed as the cause. Various othe
reasons are sought, and often drug
taken to remedy some other supposed
cause. When all the time the roo
of the trouble is the lack of water il
the system.
Just consider the need of water il
the system. Through perspiratio
and OF Ter channels, the body throw
off nj than two quarts of waite
every &y-or it ought to throw it of
For it is through the perspiration tina
many of the impurities of the body ar
carried away. In comparison to tn
impurities thrown off through tn
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14

ply place Mississippi in the ranks of
those states with modern banking
laws.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
An Ill Eated City.

The i'll fated Sicilian city of Mes
sina was almost entirely destroyed bT
an earthquake in 1893 and greatly
damaged by another in 1888. In 1143
the plague carried off nearly half of
its inhabitants. In 1884 the city was
visited by Il terrible quake and tidal
wave, which finished its destruction.
In fact, it would be difficult to find
anywhere city with a more mourn
full history than Messina. which has
been practically destroyed twenty y-one
times during the past 5000 years.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
Beiow the Ayeraqe.

Apropos of loss of friends somebody
was saying one day before Morgan,
the great calculator of lives, that they
had lost so many friends, mentioning
the number. in certain space OF time,
upon which Morgan, coolly taking
down a book from his office shelf and
looking into it. said, $50 you ought ST.
and three more."-Thomas Moore.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
NEW ORLEANS G. NORTHEASTERN

N. o. M. & c. r. r.
rain No. 10 leaves at .... 1880 q m
Train No. Is leaves at. $40 p. m,
Train No. IA arrives at. 1882 q. m.
Train No. 16 arrives at. -. s:e2 D. m.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
CASH MONEY TALKS
One MANS NECESSITY IS ANOTHER MANS OPPORTUNITY
TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS


together with smokehouse
fenced
reia
half rented for the
o paying tenant at So per month
will boom"
speculation THIS chance
comfortable, conveniently
interested call at
THEN
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
a Thousand RefusaIs.

Kate-That Bragson girl claims to
have made Il thousand refusals OF mar
rage. Ethel-That's true. When Gus
asked her to be his wife she repled'
"No, thousand times, no?-Boston
Transcript.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
Willing to Risk Il.

Uncle-My dear boy, it's fact that
the bacilli on paper money have caused
many a death before now. Nephew
Well. uncle. you might let me have
few notes. I'm very tired Of life
Fliegende Blatter.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
Exannerated ECO.

One of the hardest things In this
world for the sixteen candle kind OF
man to do rs to keep from mistaking
himself for lighthouse.-GalVeston.
News.
The Hattiesburg news., 1911-04-14
Passion For Music.

Mrs. Bacon--Did you say your nus
band has passion ffnr ansies 10 oa MIS-; e;sf |
Egbert Yes. Everr y
flies Into one. yonkel
New-York tribune., 1911-01-15

Contest No 1 Bluc Bird Puzzle)-Choice
Of sterling silver Tribune badge a set Of
battleship postcards, a German silver purse
with chain, an interesting book. a gold
filled belt pin a box Of water color paints
or gold hIIed tie clasp Tor the neatest
and best three answers.
Contest NO drawing Contesu-Choice
OF the same prizes as are offered in Contest
No for the best two drawings
Contest no 3 CThings 10 Think About
You may solve any two of the four puzzles
that YOU like, and for the ncatest and best
two answers we ofier the choice OF the
same prizes as in Contest No. I.
Contest No 3 tOur Letter Box-A prize
of 81 is given for every letter printed un-
der this heading Tho letter may contain
incidents bon YOUR lie. anecdotes of pets
novel school experiences, things seen in
travel ur made up stories These stories
must be original and must be- written on
one side OF the paper Letters entitled TO
the prize of 81 are often crowded ont fUr
I4rk of space boz the week I'm which they
are received bat ~ such Is ;he case they
always appear ln the page later
tu sending answers tp puzzles To iS not
uoce. try tI send o. letter with them. Use.
Dr. YOU Ciu. paper UI tine ordinary letter
size and write your name, address, age
and choice OF prize iu the upper right
land corner ut the Arst page. IL send
New-York tribune., 1911-01-15
ATRlP 10 NIAGARA FALLS.

Dear Little Men and Little Women !
have read your stories and thought tneh
very interesting. and so I am going 70
'sl you about my visit 20 Niagara tal.s'
Naen We arrived at Buffalo II was the
I'd Home Week" OF lgO7. From there
We went 70 Niagara Falls. The next day
We took trolley ride on the Gorge route
We stopped az the Whirlpool Rapids, and
'' We were standing there watching them
. @'se wave struck the walk and we were
'phAed with water. After taking our
1Oey ride We went 20 see the Falls Up
- rapids and the Three Sisters Islands.
We foamed about the islands and finally
.0Oha large rock on which we sat down
'aL There was a stream nearby where
- sster and 7 played. When we had 10
We we're very sorry. That evening
ais we're illuminated IN all the colors
~ ue rainbow by electric search lights.
y, -N was done IN honor Of the "Old Home
. A OF Buffalo, and was for this week
j nave never seen a prettier sight
nope TO see them again. Hoping this
tssI m VII interest you, remain your little
W AGNES KIEsEWETTER (aged ID.
~ . chestnut street, Brooklyn, \. !.