The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-02-22
write, and he has had to make 'Noven.

write, and he has had to make 'Noven.
ber' rhyme with cucumber
HAS ideas on the servant girl prob.
lem; thinks servants would be glad to
stay at least four weeks in a house
where they were given champagne and
cake and allowed the use of the par
Tor and the piano.
objects to the butcher weighing
the bone with the steak. At such
times his words can be heard half a
mile away.
"Is very charitable to the poor. but
his wife has to find money on the floor
to buy her stockings, one pair at a
time.
"Mr. Bowser has been told that IL he
had turned his attention to medicine
he would have made a great doctor.
That's why he doses himself three
times a day.
A Home lab.
mfr. Bowser believes that what is to
be will be. That is. II his wife hap
pens to lose her purse with 10 cents in
It he will jaw around to the extent Of
q 0unOTe OOljarS.
HE is known as a successful bust
ness man. That is. he has his club.
wines. cigars, ETC., and If his wife
wants 8 cents for a stick of gum he
talks about extravaganza and the
~poorhouse.
HAS always taken great interest in
the drama: has been obliged to, as
some actor is always borrowing mon
ey of him. He has written three plays.
all of which were on the road for a
full week at his expense before bust
ing, and may therefore he recorded as
successes.
"It was Mr.. Bowser who introduced
the trick of having n play open in the
city Of Ragdad. in order that Ragdad
curtains might he right at hand. On
one occasion he attempted to act, bnt
twelve policemen came behind the chr
tain and said they would not stand
for it. He might throw Black Hand
bombs. but he should not act except
over their dead bodies.
"He has impnlsive ways with him.
On one occasion he may go to the door
and hand a heggar 10 cents. On an
other he may hike the man down the
steps and over the fence. This trait
of his makes the public rather cautions
in approaching him.
"Mr. Rowscr has n most remarkable
memory. Twenty-six years ago he lost
Il collar button. md he's blaming
Mrs. Rowser about it yet. There are
times when he charges her with hav-
ing swallowed it to spite him.
Had Mr.. Bowser and Christopher
Columbus lived at the same time they
would have been close friends. Mr..
Rowser would have very likely offered
the long green to fit out those ships.
"Mr. Rowser has no hair to speak of.
but he is n firm believer in hair dyes.
He thinks that hair dyes and pumpkin
pies have put this country on the ped
estal she now occupies. He has already
to go in for them"
Flight Of Samuel.
This was the end Of Mr.. Bowser's
history as written by Mrs. Bowser.
cl1C Auu ShvlI''uS W. NV hC ollCl uuNs
and she took several hours Off. At the
same time business was light with Mr..
Bowser at the office and he came home
to add to those paragraphs. We who
know him a realize what his feel
ings were before he had read the
fourth paragraph. He turned red and
white and tried to say words. He
gesticulated and jumped up and down.
When at last the full measure Of
Mrs. Bowser's perfidy stood revealed
he looked for the Ak. He looked for
the crowbar. He looked for a torch
that he might set the house ablaze and
wipe 1t off the face Of the earth.
Then he grew calm. It was a dan
gerous calm. Not a leaf stirred. So
for ten minutes, and then he tore the
manuscript in pieces and walked
from the house. Mrs. Bowser came
home, but he was not there. Night fell,
but he was still missing. This is the
third day, but he has sent no wireless.
Is Mr.. Bowser still living? Does he
read the newspapers? II so. and this
meets his eye. he Is implored to return.
Mrs. Bowser was simply Joking. She
promises to joke no more. She goes to
bed weeping, and gets up all choked
up In the morning. II he will only re-
turn be may threaten divorce and she
won't say a word.
If anybody else will return him there
will be grateful thanks and all ex.
penses paid. For personal description
Of him see small hills.
9 A Paradox. 8
3 Some politicians seem to think 3
z that q candidate can run better 9