The Alaska citizen., 1911-03-27
INSURGENTS ARE.
CR|li[D
AT THE ANNUAL SPRING DIN
NER OF THE GRIDiRON CLUB
IN WASHINGTON.

WASHINGTON. Feb. Is. - Insur-
, gcnCy made its appearance at the
annual spring dinner of the Grid
iron club al the New Willard hotel
, here tonight. II was only make be-
Iioyc insurgency. but it amused the
diners. among whom were President
, Taft, Nice-Presidcnt Sherman, Speak
er Cann.u. Speaker-to-be Champ
) Clark and scores of other prominent
m n.
No sooner had the guests taken
, heir places at the tables set
in Eridiron fashion and heard the
usual welcoming songs and the brief
, address Of Richard V. Oulahan. the
newly elected president, than a
! member Of the club rushed into the
/, rom.
Mr.. President" he exclaimed in
I evident perturbation, you should
!, inaugura'c yourself with few elo-
quent remarks and do it now"
But" said Mr. Oulahan. I'm in
, any way"
All right" said the member. 81
was only irving to save you trouble"
, NJ sooner had this member taken
!, his seat than the inaugural pro
cession entered. A number In the
line insisted on being president of
, The Gridiron club.
But" observed the real presi-
fent. fifteen men cannot preside
, at This dinner"
But" said the chorus. fifteen
men will preside over the next house
, Of reorcsr natives. whv not here"
Well" was the answer. ego ahead
and see how II works
: The crowd tried the experiment.
aud Champ Clark-nCt the real
) Champ but his dOuhle-waS brought
in with arms securely tied with
rones. He was presented as an
|, evamnlc of what might hefall the
I president of the club. and also as an
exhibit of what a rules fight in
, one congress- can do to perfectly
good sneaker in the next"
President Ou'ahan agreed to
!, comnromioe provided the fifteen
would render some conspicuous
I service ct the dinner.
, We've done it alreadv." thew
shouted in unison as they brought
I q STRUGGLING member into the room
, We have captured a Japanese spy
red banded"
. Search Of the snv disclosed a
, 'ar"o roll Ct "plans." Among them
were:
! "Plqn of the Hon. Underwood to
Z hamstring the Hon. Clark.
"SamDle design Of armored boots
he Hon. Clark will wear at eau
Z cuces 10 foil the Hon. Underwood
"Plan of the Hon. Cannon TO shoot
, himself with Democratic vOtes-in-
to the next presiding speakership
"Dhotopranh Of knives to be used
, At love feaet in New Jersey between
: The Hon, Wilson and Hon Smith.
Blue print of the Hon Taft's
mind when the Hon. Hitchcock re
fused to he imnelled with toe of
bot ont Of Republican national com
mit'ee.
"Diapram showing where the
Hon. Cummins will place stenlad-
'ers on back porch of White
House.
"Drawng of entertainments thrown
m bv the Hon. MacVeagh to hold
= United States treasury against gov
!, ernr ent clerks.
"Ph0nOgraDh record showing long
e intervals of silence at oyster Bav.
"Thouoht diagram of the honor
able tariff commission boomers hold
8, .
" Hon. Bailey.
Measurements Of the Hon Hole
Il into which congress throws billions
i | # dollars every year"
= The laughter which punctuated
t the reading of these plans" culmin-
. ated when the spy was robbed of
his musrache and he was declared
!, to be Richmond Pearson HobsCn.
. / aCly WI q n3r16ad a
J. Japanese Mr.. "Hobson' replied:
1T seem appropriate; | am the
japanese war scare
r 1t was not long after this that
! "Insurgency' again appeared in the
clubs ranks. A table was set in
:. The middle of the room and around
- il were gathered several members.
Their remarks at last caught the
:, at tention of the president Of the
: club. He raped for order and ask
q ed what was the cause of the dis
f turbance.
= The insurgent wing of the Grid
n iron club is going to hold dinner
: here TONIGHT" was the reply.
The president seemed surprised.
y 81 did not know that there was
: an insureent wing of the Grdiron
!. club" he said.
+ "That's the trouble with all you
standpatters." was the retort. you
never do find out what's going on
7 until somebody hits you with an
AK"
in vain did the president insist
e that the REGULAR dinner must go
!; IN uninterruDted.
q ooh. go on" said the insurgents;
+ You're in+errupting our dinner.
|. Then little bell tinklod and the
S guests to the "insurgent dinner" en-
: tered.
0 'Welcome, gentlemen" began the
f make-believe president, ito the din
| ner of the insurgent wing of the
+ Gridiron club. The insurgent wing
of the Gridiron club has but two
rules. The first is that Uncle Joe
Cannon is always present and the
l second is that consequently ladies
are never present"
4 The fake president declared that
l tho insureent wing of the club had
: but one toast. like all other insur-
D eent organizations. The toast was
/ yourselves" Everybody drank it
D solemnlv. standing.
The speakers of the evening were
then introduced by the fake presi-
dent. "Mr Carnegie was the first
: on the list
:, CAS- you all know" said this Car
merle. 81 have but one ambition