Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-10-15


modern letter OF introduction
really is letter Of marque. con-
ferring the privateering priv
ilege.
I have ample and quite recent justi-
fication for this belief.
Within the past half year I have
been touched (and touched proper. so
to speak) by no less than four gentle
men who came to me with letters Of
introduction from cherished (but, ]
fear. also kidfuD friends.
I am now waiting for the next fell
low to zephyr along with a letter OF
introduction. 1 have a scheme. I am
going to beat him to it. I am going
to touch him first.
Er-hum-very nice-you are very
we'll acquainted with my good friend
are you not?" I am going to say, right
off the reel, to the next chap who eases
me letter of Introduction written by
one of my spoofing friends. "Er-nice
little day. isn't it? By the way, you
don't happen to have two loose dollars
sloshing around in your clothing, do
you? Because, / grieve to tell you, 1
do need two mighty bad this morning.
That is what 1 am going to say to
him. 1 am going to arrive there first.
l shall feel perfectly justified in dish
ing out that to him, for 1 shall know
the minute he passes me over the en-
velope with Introducing Mr.. So-and-
So on it, that he is there for the pur-
pose Of attempting to sling the touch
full harpoon into me. Nearly every
man who has sped my way with a let
ter of Introduction for a long time past
has wound up by singing me for
backsheesh; and 1 am firm believer
in this reciprocity thing as applied to
the social commerce Of everyday life.
The most astonishing letter of-intro-
duction performance that 1 ever had any
truck with happened one day last week
in New York. 1t was Washington
man who handed me the letter of intro
duction. The letter had been written by
man 1 have known for about thirty
the next time 1 drop into Washing ton.
But before l look him up l am going to
ask Maj. Sylvester for about twenty min
utes of the club-wielding privilege.
The man with the letter of introduction
was about thirty years old, ana a very
rugged individual. indeed. 1 had never
seen him before, nor heard anything
about him. He had been on my trail for
some hours before he snagged me at a
restaurant table not far from Broad /" ay.
He flashed his letter of intro ductiOn witt
great complaisance and confidence. 1t
was a glowing letter. You'd have sup
posed from the terms Of il that the man
being introduced was at least the Duke
of kackkyack or the Bhiff-Bhaff of Billy
Beding
waved the bearer of the letter to a
chair at my tablet was dining alone
and invited him to partake of nutriment.
Not since the last time l visited Wis
consin lumber camp have l seen any
human being partake so heartily of food.
Not to put too fine a point upon t, he
dredsed into S4S5 worth of solids and
moisties. and even then l had no ceiling
of conviction that his appetite had been
appeased.
1t would not have been so bad had
he been an Individual with a per sonality
in the least engaging. But he was not.
He was a person devoid utterly of inaGi-
nation; he had none of the "a ty little
tit le-tattle o the old Washington bunch
which a Washington exile SO likes to
hear when somebody who is reg lar
people swings along with the budget Of
gossip He confined himself almost ex-
clusively q was going to say raptly) to
the business of effecting the complete
disappearance and obliteration of a
planked steak, garnished with mush-
rooms, as big as a vestibule rug. and he
merely staked me to the bovine stare
when / attempted to untangle any sort
of news of Washington from his food
dulled cerebellum.
X x