davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1911-01-20
OLD.T|ME SCHOOL
BY EASTERN STARS
Entertainment BY Anacostia
Chapter Will Be
III Novel One.
WASHINGTON TIMES BUREAU

Electa Chapter, No. 2, Order of the
Eastern Star, has planned an old-fash-
Toned district school program for the en-
tertainment of its members at the meet
ing to be held on Tuesday evening next
in the Masonic Hall. The new officers
have assumed their duties. and a pros
porous year is predicted for the organi-
zatioR numerous applications for MEM
bershtp being now before the chapter
Mrs. Frances Frazier, worthy matron
of the chapter, entertained her associate
officers at her residence, on Maple View
avenue.
The Washington times., 1911-01-20

Ira Mushake, son of William Mu-
ShIke, Nichols avenue merchant, dis
located his right hand while skating on
Nirhols avenue
The Washington times., 1911-01-20

Miss Jennie Carter, of Weymouth,
Mass, formerly resident of Washing
ton, is the guest for the winter of AIR
and Mrs. Thomas J. Putnam, on Tai
burtt street.
The Washington times., 1911-01-20

Women of st. Teresa's congregation
will be assembled in a few days to dis
cuSs plans for an entertainment to
comprise a supper and dance. in the
hall of St, Teresa's parochial school, at
an early date
The Washington times., 1911-01-20

AT the first midterm graduating exer-
cises of the Mckinley Manual Training
School, which will take place on the
evening of February 2 two young men
from Anacostia will be among the grad
yates. They are Milton Haar and D. l..
Ouaid-
The Washington times., 1911-01-20

The funeral of Mrs. Mary E. Burgess,
wohse death occurred on Wednesday
at the age of sixty years at the home of
James Smith, her brother, 147 Maple
View avenue, was held this afternoon.
The Rev. Samuel W. Grafflin officiated.
Burial was in the Congressional Gene
terry. She was the widow of Judson
Burgess.
The Washington times., 1911-01-20

The Rev Samuel W. Grafflin. pastor
of the Methodist Episcopal Church, in
Anacostia, discussed THE Scriptures
before the members of his congregation
last evening. The Rev. William L.
Lynn, the pastor OF Gorsuch Methodist
Episcopal Church, Southwest Washing
ton, assisted in the services.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11

either eye, he strove delicately to tell
Of his passion as he opposed her at
tennis She was not In a kimono.
"Ah," he sighed Think of q bach
elor's lonely misery, solitary at the
breakfast table
"Servel" she commanded.
Twice you have refused me and that
is"
Doubtless said the maiden, briskly.
Have you no pity as you think Of
me twenty years from now"
Forty lovely called she, trfurn-
phantly, and smote the ball so that
1t struck him even on the Furnished
tip of his blistered nose, making him
to see many stars In a comparatively
limited area
(F'or the benefit of readers with nc
knowledge Of the noble game Of tennis,
the terms used in this story will be
explained In the issue appearing three
weeks from today or later.)
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
CHIN MES HISTORY

After the Revilooshunery War was
ovir all the peepul ecksept them witch
was killed by the Brtdish got together
and sed. Hsrray, now we are Ammuri-
kins
You are like fun: sed the Bridish.
who was soar at beeing licked. You
haven't evin got no constitooshun. Haha.
they Sed, who evir herd of a kuntry
without a const1tooshun.
Well. sed the Ammurikins, We can
eezy get one without you butting in.
We licked you once and we can lick
you again. Herray for Gorge Wash
intunl
Gorge Washintun Speeks
It's awl rite to herray for me- sed
Gorge Washintun, who had put on his
tite wife trousers. aftir the war awl
reddy to bekum president, but the
Brfdish is rite. We must have a con-
stitooshun. Watts a kuntry without a
constitooshun. Nuthing.
Sekind the moshun. sed Tomas JEFF
fersin, and I will rite 1t for you. Be-
Klaus besides beeing CRATE man
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

| and It wasn't long before he got away
with it. l was mighty glad to see him
do so, cause his act was clean and he
had a good singin' voice.
Finally he married and his wife
used to travel with him, and as she
was mighty pretty, every manager on
the circuit gave EN- a good show on
the program. They must a made a
mint O. money for four or five years.
Il don't know what Happened. but
Ida left him and since then Vocif has
been rather uncertain. Last season I
didn't hear of him at all, and 1t was
a surprise to have him float in here
the other day and pull off new stuff"
But, Why? Oh, Why?
But why, oh. why" asked the
stage-struck youth. was his act
scratched this afternoon?'
Let me finish" said the stage door
keeper. You know that new stunt of
his of speakin' and havin' the echo
come back from the gallery; the one
understandable trick of the ventrilo-
quists. Well, the echo got stewed last
night and Vocif didn't have anybody
to understudy him. So the manage
ment got wise and Cancelled the act"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
Reddy Smith On
The Beggar

Sometimes. Jimmie, uh beggar really
needs de moass-dey begs. but mos Nv
de time it's just cause DER too lazy
tn wuTk dat dey does It.
Deres uh 'ol woman dat I sees each
mornin' on me way to de square.
She's alays sittin' in de same place.
in de same oil chair, wild he same look
on hur face.
Buy sumptn'." She wines tn every
body dat passes.
DEFY never buys Nv her. but dey arays
puts sumpin in hur open han.
God bless you" she says, an den
holds hur han out tn de next purson
dat passes.
noticed de udder night how hard
uh time she had. gittin' uhway from
dat corner on hur crutches.
Las night, Jimmie. I wus up tn
Pearl court, an dere was de OIL woman,
sittin' on hur dooEsteps tryin' tn drink
uh GROWER Nv beer.
Bout dis time two kids Gums uhlong
an yells supin' at hur, an she furgot
all uhbout hur crutches an chased dem
down de street
B'leme, Jimmie, sum people Ger
tainly ull do anything but hard. re-
spectacle wurk.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11

Say" said the stage-struck youth
maybe you can tell me why they
scratched Vocifero's act this after
noon
Well" answered the stage door
keeper, maybe I might. and then,
again, maybe I mightn't. You see, I've
known Vocif for a great many years.
and he's a kind of a personal friend OF
mine and feel an interest in him.
On Small Time
why, twelve years ago he was Just
handin' up the balls and lighted lamps
and things 10 a juggler, and he's done
about everything around a playhouse
from actin as call boy to helpin' out
In the orchestra. Say, kid, that chap
can double in brass like a minstrel
man.
at only seems yesterday when he
was sittin' around here carvin'
funny heads out of soft wood
and fxin hinged jaws on EN-
80 they would waggle. His talkin' fig
ures was pretty crude at that time.
but they was as good as any in the
business. and he always had an en-
gagement. Then he began to branch
out and make a bid for the big time.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
Drawn for The Washington Times.

riding a horse that SHE'D at such an
object, should seductively attract his
attention to the nice, green, luscious
grass along the roadside. I should let
him browse comfortably past the brick
on the stump. unconscious of It in the
satisfaction with the dear delights Of
the juicy grass and the welcome shade
Then, II my steed looked back, he would
see what a stolid, inanimate, unforbid-
ding thing was the brick on the stump
That WOMAN WHO WANTED TO
BE LOVED worked as hard at con-
quering her own desire as the rider Of
the horse would If the steed had been
forced to pass the brick with his re-
bellious attention. fixed upon~it She
assumed the manners of a stump
speaker in her discourse. There was
a don't-you-daretou atmos-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11

ence of mind enough to land on his
head
TheRid ran into the place this morn
ing waving a greenback. Mrs. lite
wants S. worth Of persimmons," he
fires at me.
''Mussy." I says, IT \don't believe
we've got that many. wonder whist
the stingy old dame is going to do
give a persimmon party?"
Dunno" says bonehead, but she
wants EN-"
Well, 1 certainly did scrape around
some for those persimmons. Finally ]
chased the kid around the corner to get
q dollars worth to complete the order
They pretty near filled his pushcart
In about fifteen minutes Mrs. lite
comes steaming in with the kid by the
ear.
Il give him IS to give to Pa Simmons,
and look what he brings me-" she
yells. Il won't stand for it. Bow!
Bow-wow"'
Pa Simmons is the man of all-work
that hangs around the place when he's
not working, and Mrs. lite owed him a
fver. Pa Simmons. persimmons! Oh.
sayi
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
she HOLDS IT UP TO TIE
Woman Who Wants to Be Loved

| phere about her as she stood before
her audience. In short, she was Just
about as unsuccessfuIly mannish and
as unsatisfactory unwomanish as
she could be. SShe was neither flesh.
| fowl nor good red herring. She was
an anomaly
Can you blame any man for not
| wanting to love THAT? Why, under
the billion stars, can women not rec
ognize that they want to be loved as
women? And why can they not de-
duce the plain truth that they can
not assume the airs and disgraces-
for manly graces grated on a wom-
ans personality ARE disgraces, or
MIS-graces. II you will!-of men and
still win the love that men are glad
to give to women?
To save me, 1 cannot see why the
advocacy of cause helpful to
woman In -the-mass need divest the
woman-in-particular of her own
r:ghtful characteristics. I do not
| the careless or purposeful way in
which the woman sheds her femi-
ninity like a useless cloak.
The Oldtime Fascinator
Just let me tell you, it's the most
becoming garment she can wear; and
1t has more charm for q real man
than any other costume. The old
time fascinator cannot even approach
II In it's winsome appeal. II you
want to be loved, clothe the woman
illness of your heart with the exter-
Tor decorations of femininity. You
may have the suffrage bee and the
dress-reform bee buzzing in your
brain. But Man and the Horse are
alike. The bee or the brick will not
scare him-if the grass is sweet and
green and juicyl
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
Straight From the
Mouth of Wit
ENGLISH Joke FOR TODAY

Hugh Gibson failed on the one IN
three portion owing to belt slip. al
though he had run in his leather belt
on a side car for 30 miles. Motor
Cycling.
We don't care where Hugh runs, but
he must wear something more than a
leather belt in future.-Punch.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
Hopeful

War Veteran Gin lawyers office.
making wilD-Now, I guess that pro-
vides for all the family except my son
Bill so to him want to leave my pen
sion.
The Lawyer-But, you know you
can't do that, Henry.
War Veteran-Perhaps It amt &C.
cordin' to law just now, Hezekiah, but
there's no tellin' what turn the next
pension raid will take.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11

Tomas Jeftersin was a fine ritter, witch
IN them days was skarse on akkount
OF thare beeing no pens and peepuI
having to rite with a fethir pulled awf
a CHICKENS tale vile it wasent looking.
So then awl the polytishuns, who was
honist in them days on akkount Of not
mulch muny beeing in the kuntry yet
to graft awf of. hired a hall and started
to tawk it ovir.
: Jeffersin Tawks Agen
Watevir else COS In this constitoo-
shun, sed Tomas Jeffersin, who on
akkount of doing the riting had lots
to say, thare has to be one thing, he
sed, and that is, awl men are creatid
eqwally. If that don't go in, Tomas
Jeffersin sed, 1 wont have nuthing
TO do with this hear constftooshun
bekaus that's CRATE stuff and no con-
stitooshun shood be without It.
That's awl rite, sed anuthir poly
tishun, but II awl the men werk Gre
atid eqwally, wy not awI the ladys.
Bekaus thare Is no sufferajetts vet
sed Tomas Jetfersin.
And so they left the ladys out
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11


after the mean way she's acting towards the innocent trusting Amer
lean girls that have been marrying titles for love.
don't know whether it's because their their little
what but Americans
heiresses find after and
their chances of bein able old
stand its feet and
anything but mortgages and as father
used
Americas the Place For Heiresses
No. Belle heiress I'd stay right here America,
Where another
enough But that's
vented riches and Others
parties
So the heress insist fndin for themselves
renee is the best teacher after they've taken
that school they discover they can't all
use, havn duke mortgages on
their hands.
There amt day. Belle that everybody Engands savin
up their for the onaton heiress
title for husband don't by the
Dig race on to who's march
parade and everybody that's any claim
at the royal palace their numbers
heies reg stream of EN- Belle all wanin
somebody And the
American heesses please the = =.
And when fnly they queen asks 'em what number
eyd like to have oh wouldn't anything better nine or
they'll say And then the queen what number they're
gon to It's centrally about fifteen
awful lot o titles in England, Belle.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
Never Again

"Of course" said the surgeon who
had operated for appendicitis, there
will be a scar"
That's all right" replied the patient.
Leave any kind Of mark you like
that will prevent some strange doctor
from coming along and operating
again."
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11

band who the little pricks accept
heavy trials have stirred the world of
of them declaring that the should
try well as the
They may right and they but since fate has
patience the understanding and the
sympathies would it ordained that
maker happiness and the bearer of e burdens
doesn't it?
many of Madame MaeeincR rules wise
rights WIFE especially standing forth
wisdom Use your for but for
Still which be remembered taken
heart hungry life froh parched
till something husband
Infallbe Barometers
She declares these commandments that should be
atmosphere
happiness of the Of sweeping and that
should neglect take personal interest the food and
husband should
remember only the nseparable half the great
ohershers which will bring much praise blame
they rules Or simply
the the book OF life marked
by and the of the who learned them
too
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
On Divorce Laws

Friend-How is your wife?
Citizen-Wife7 have no wife.
Friend-You certainly told me you
were a married man.
Citizen-That was across the river, in
another state. am an old bachelor In
this state.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
She Knew

Hell shouldn't marry unless the
woman was my exact opposite.
She-Youn never find so perfect a
being as thath
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
Could Talk Some

Mrs. Gabber fell downstairs and bit
her tongue in two"
II feel sorry for her husband. She
was a terror when she had only one
tongue"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
OUR DEVIL WONDERS

If some bright theatrical producer
Will be on the spot to buy up the
senseless junk that is to pc used in the
coronation. 1t ought to go pretty cheap
for about a week after George Five
has had his gold bean protector
blocked to suit him.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
Game and Set; Or,
The Man Who Lost

Though she was a typical athletic
girl, she appeared to distinct advan-
tage in kfmono. With his nose red
from the sun and love shining from
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
Our Grocery Clerk
SAYS, What a Boy!

The errand boys been at It again.
You could drop that boy from the
Washington monument and he'd never
D. himself, providing he had pres
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
Loretta's Looking Glass

Isrr Err friend tells me she pines to
II be loved-by a man. You would
never suspect 1t, would your
A man vouchsafed the remark as he
contemplated a woman who was ac-
lively engaged in making herself be-
Arc. Doubtless she was doing a very
worthy service; but her ag1tational sue
cess was pale and indeterminate CON-
pared with the monstrous and overpow-
ering master stroke by which she an
initiated her feminine charm.
Bulk of Threshing Machine
1t would have been as easy to imag-
ine a man nesting the perfectly act
ing and welI-built bulk Of a threshing
machine against his breast. She made
me feel an enormous respect for her
self-sacrifice to the cause she advocated.
Oh, no! not the sacrifice of her time
and her energy. Rather the willing
yielding OF all her tenderer traits. She
was a splendid fighter! But SHE
WANTED TO BE LOVED.
The man who, wondering, repeated
what he had heard from an intimate
friend of hers, added his commentary:
ITS a pity she does not go after the
love she wants with the same intensity
she uses in seeking this particular re-
formi"
He was right If she had given as
much thought to being gracious as she
did to being positive and pugilistic she
would have attracted the interest she
craved. Now she forced admiration.
She gained respect. But she could not
command LOVE.
II saw brick on a stump in the
middle of the big road, and II I were
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
THE WIVES DECALOGUE
Discussed After Reading
Nine, MaeterLncks Views
BY PEGGY VAN BRAAM

RAVEN upon each page In Gods book OF life.
Lie the commandments He's made for each wife;
Yet from their wisdom we turn 18th a smile,
Trusting to passion, TILL after a while
Days grow to weary years, shadowed by fate;
And learn them with tears and PAIN
But learn-too. late
Madame Maeterlinck, wife Of the noted Belgian
author, has within the last few weeks published a
decalogue for wives where she gives the ten COM
mandments, which are really she says, rules for
happiness in married life
The commandments setting forth as they do
that it islw who must be the one to lay aside
her personatY and sink it into that of her hus-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11
M A M lie LIS BELLE
Our Helrsses Won't Shine
At the Coronation Because
THEOUEEN HATES AMERICANS

rs no USE Belle, she can coax me- and coax me,
and coax me, but just simply won't CO. and that's
all there is to it.
Why, the queen, O course. She's been after me
to over and be o the throne bearers at
the cor'nation since she heard what hit
made at the steam filters annual ball a couple O
months ago. And I'm just about tired o receivn'
letters on court stationery. Why the whole house
smells O royal perfume!
It's not that have anything personal against
the queen, Belle. She's said anything about
me behindmy back that know Of but it's Just that
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-11

Earr Err friend tells me she pines to
III be loved-by a man. You would
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1911-11-24
THE HOME GIRL AND HER DAN
GERS

1t is supposed that the girl VIII }
stays at home has few dangers, that
these lie in wait for the girl who goes
out into the world to earn her living.
But certain dangers do await the
home girl, and she must be on he,
guard against these, quite as much
as must the business girl those OF
another kind.
One of the chief dangers that lies
before the home girl is that she may
slip almost unconsc1ously into sell
fshness. Mother tells her not to do
his. Mother shields her from that.
Mother shoulders this task. And be-
fore the home girl knows 1t, she Is
citing mother do all the hard work
of the home, and she herself is sit
ting In idleness and ease, and enjoy
ing all that is laid before her.
Another danger of the home girl Is
the dawdling habit She doesn't hav,
to be on time, or to do anything with
ing prescribed time, end so she
dawdles. She fools ound. She plays
plays the piano little while in the
morning, while her room Is waiting
to be put in order, or the dishes to
be washed. She thinks she will do
little sewing after awhile. but there
Is no real hurry; and SO the time slips
by, and the day is gone, and she
hasn't begun 1t. II she isn't careful.
she gets into the habit of never ac-
complishing anything.
II she Is not on her guard she will
get the shopping habit, and spend
hours down town drifting through the
shops to no purpose whatever, excep.
collecting samples, trying on hats
and otherwise making herself nui-
sance to the salepeople. Or she will
get the gossiping habit, and waste
hours hanging over the back fence
or standing on the porch talking chit
chat with the neighbo:s.
There are many such pitfalls as
these in wait for the home girl. And
she often unconsciously falls into
them, not realizing their effect upon
her character until the damage Is
done. For they do spoil character,
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1911-11-24

comes a useless, purposeless being,
whose life amounts to little. And
thus she misses much of the purest
soy of living. For life is given us to
develop and build beautiful charac-
ter, and in doing this, we bring to
ourselves joy. For joy and good go
hand in hand, and the more Of good
we build into our character, the more
of JOY we bring into our life. So
that the girl who has the privilege
of living her life at home should care
fully avoid these dangers that Turk
in the very love and liberty of the
home atmosphere, and go forward to
life of usefulness and purpose that
will be force for good in her home
and community.-Ex.
The Idaho Republican. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1904-1932, 1911-11-24
CREATING MUCH ENTHUSIASM
The Big Musical Contest Will be a
Winner.
(Rigby Starr

lhlSUy OIdI.J
The musical contest which takes
place here the 2Sth of the present
month, will, from present indica-
tons, prove the biggest thing of its
nature ever attempted in this part OF
the state. Choirs from Idaho Falls,
Iona, Rexburg and Rigby will con-
test for prizes. Idaho Falls will use
a special train in order to accommo-
date all from that city who desire
to be present, and they have already
announced what they are going to
do to the other contestants, which
II they make their declarations good,
VIII be a plenty. We can assure them
hat If they beat the Rigby choir they
vii have to go some, but in the event
they do Rigby will greet them with
a smile.
Following is the program togeth-
er with the list of prizes.
Principal choral competition for
mixed choirs. Maximum So, minimum
4j. Test pieces:
a. God is Our Refuge and
Strength.
b. The Parting Kiss
The former to be accompanied and
he latter unaccompanied. Both
lieees to be sung by each choir rem
teing.
Male chorus, 16 to 20 voices,
Comrades in Arms"
Ladies chorus, 16 to 20 voices,
In Old Madrid"
Mixed quartette, God is a Spir-
it, woman of Samaria.)
Male quartette, 20! Peaceful
Night" (E. German.
Soprano solo, 20, Loving Heart
Trust On
Alto solo, THE Lost Chord"
Tenor solo, "Once Again." (Sulii-
van.)
Bass or baritone solo, THE Village
3 acksmith." (Weiss.)
Piano solo, ta) Scarf Dance. !"
(Chaminade.) CD Melody in F."
(Rubenstein.) Both to be played.
Band contest, Selection from II
Travotre, (Barnhouse.)
The number that will contest for
he various events are as follows:
Choral contest, four; male chorus,
two; ladies' chorus two; mixed quar-
tette, three; male quartette, three;
soprano solo, four; alto, four; bari
tone, three; tenor, five; band, two.
Prize List.