New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1911-11-08
T|l| | ( I I ) THE cure.
Graphic Pen Picture Of Carlsbad
and It's Dyspeptics.
MUD BATHS AND VILE WATER
The Victims Drink Often and Drink
pssp and Absorb With the Evil Brew
Large Doses Of Missry-An I'm
oleasant and Costly Road TO Health.

4 (,
plsasant and Costly Road 70 Health.
A city shaped like cup. q cup con-
tanning hot water. The sides OF the
city are clothed with pines. and in the
hollow lie the waters where the dys-
peptics Of the world foregather to
drink and to be healed. They desire to
be freed from excess Of fat. from vel
low skins. from pains that catch one
in the small Of the back and from the
stin Joints that follow hard upon the
pleasures Of the too abundant board.
In Carlsbad you drink often and
drink deep. Drinking is your main
occupation. Your drinking glass IS
strapped over. your shoulders as you
wander. slipping from spring to spring
as assiduously as any one bee. out
you do not get honey.
Your misery begins at 6. At 6 o'clock
they call you. and you are expected to
be shaved and decent before you face
the world Of waters and Of miserable
sinners al Z o'clock. II you had not
been miserable sinner. too, you would
not be here, but you have done those
things you ought not to have done and
you have left undone those things you
ought to have done, and your penalty
is Carlsbad.
So you take your place at the end Of
a queue 800 dyspeptics long and wish
you were dead. You very nearly are.
for no "morning tea" sustains you: they
forbid that: it is strictly against the
law. You take your turn at the ''Spru-
del" spring uncontrolled by the cook.
Everything contributes to your misery
A German close behind you Is tread
ing on your heels and breathing loudly
down your neck. and gentleman in
curious top hat is conducting an or
chestra with intent to make you merry.
He fails. You hate him. And every
moment you draw nearer to the "Spru-
del" spring. It leaps from the bowels
of the earth toward the roof OF the
colonnade shrouded in its own steam.
and girl in waterproof overalls
catches you a glassful by means of
long pole.
Then you retire to corner with the
evil brew and try to drink it. 1t tastes
of dead rats-hot ones. long dead. Your
character may be OWNED by your
method of dealing with it. 1t may be
faced as one faces pet beverage.
with an air." or it may be dallied with
in sips-or thrown away. 1t may beat
you altogether. but this is rare. The
hardened dyspephc who does his year.
" ''cure' has trick with little glass
pipe. He is initiated by the wise. Aft
er the first fell glass you hurry to the
little glass pipe stall and buy little
glass pipe for your very own. and half
an hour later you brace yourself TO-
gether for the second dose. If you
have sinned deeply you may be order
ed even three. but probably you Will
be let off with two goes of ''Sprnder'
and one Of something lighter
An hour afterward you may have
an inadequate meal of sour milk. one.
egg and browny roll that would baf-
fle dentist During the morning you
will be required to undergo a bath
possibly Of mud. reeking with curative
properties and very expensive-as ex-
pensive as the lunch you would ike
to have afterward if they would let
you. Even as it stands your mockery
of meal, fruit. rice and bit OF
boiled bird climbs up-to total hither-
to unassociated with such elementary
insuficiencies. At 4 o'clock you drink
more water. At 10 the long day closes
with final gulp, and the dinner inter-
vening IL beneath the dignity of words
of any words.
Sixty thousand Of the sorrowful sub
1ect themselves to these penalties year.
" every summer.
But in spite, of the 10000 you will
probably be lonely soul In Carlsbad.
It's dietetic system does not make Tor
sociability or mirth. But as the days
20 by the pink hues of health begin to
return to your cheek. your color ceases
to be drab and your temper becomes
less vile. You find you can tolerate
your fellow man with some degree OF
courtesy even when he breathes down
your neck and clears his throat in the
ropion Of YOUR ear. There is less OF