davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20
Breakfast Habits,

Mrs. X.-When my husband stays
out all night refuse to get him any
breakfast.
Mrs. Y.-When my husband stays out
all night he never wants any.-Boston
Transcript.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20
GETTING On

GLOW is your daughter getting along
with her vocal lessons?"
"Splendidly, splendidly! She's got so
now that she can say 4 can't sing
without ny music just beautifully
Detroit Free Press.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20
The Helpful Waiter.

Contemptuous Waiter (who can
stand 1t no longer)-Scuse me, sir;
you don't seem liable to get all that
soup hup with your spoon Shall
get you piece of blotting paper2-
London Tit-Bits.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20

Terrified Rider Gin hired motorcar)-
| say sav--you're going much too
fast. Chauffeur-Oh, you're all right,
sir. We always insures our passen-
gers.-LOndon Punch.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20

do you believe in love at first
sight"
Sure. 1t boosts my business"
How SOP"
I'm divorce court lawyer."-De.
troit Free Press.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20
a Monev Mokar

Smith-He is not rich, and yet he
makes a great deal more money than
he spends. Jones-How can that BET
Smith-He works In the mint.-New
York American.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20
For LaGrippe Coughs and Stuffy
CoIdq

Take Foley's Honey and Tar. 1t
gives quick relief and expels the cold
from your system. 1t contains no OBI
ates, is safe and sure.-John w. Thurs.
ton, :"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20
Placed,

Mrs. BIS she a Mary of the vine
cad cottage! Mrs. Mo, a Martha
OF the rubber plant fat Harper's
Bazaar.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20
The Fluent Spe,kAr

"ia. what's a fluent speaker"
"Ono Of the kind you are glad to hear
because the things he says never cause
You to change your opinion" -Leslie's
Weekly,
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20

Teacher-Now, Harold. can you tell
me what made the tower Of Pisa lean
Harold-I guess there must have been
famine In the land.-Nxchanga
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20

Nearsighted Old Mani say, did YOU
break the record?
Aeronaut-No, but broke every
thing else,-Iudge.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20

The world is all gates, all opportu-
mites, strings of tension waiting to be
struck.-Emerson.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20
GZ:yIl!Ejl.i'ILIIZ1.TIIE:ss5RE'EEH
CURRENT TINE TABLE
To and From Island Pond

Passenger service at Island Pohu'
EAST BOUND LEAVE;
Mail and passenger $40 a. H.
Mixed 6.45 a. m. Express l.9Orn
Night express l.55 a. M
ARRIVE FROM EAST;
Night express Il 30 a, M
Mixed $50 p. m. Express Inv +
Mail and passenger $50 P "'
WEST BOUND LEAVE'
Mail and passenger 7,43 a, H.
Express Loop. m. Night ex, l2'40 a'~
ARRIVE FROM WEST;
Night Ex. As IA. IN. Express l'l0p'"
Mail and passenger $50 P. Il, n.,
JB Express trains run da''y' '
trains daily except Sunday
For all information and TickeS"pF'
to Station Ticket office or
w. A. GLEESON, AGENT
ISLAND POND. W.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20

The inevitable consequence of poy.
erty Is dependence.-Johnson.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20

Thoughts never lack words. II ia
words that lack Observation-Disclosures.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20

Does tobacco make a man nerv-
Ous?'
ut Is likely to-" replied the physi-
clan, "if his wife objects to his smok-
Ing Exchange
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20

The wicked are always ungrateful
-Cervantes.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-01-20
That Was Enough.

They were talking about the nosey
women who knew everybody in the
middle of the block.
apparently she's got 1t in for those
people who moved away from 35 last
week." said he. What did they do to
her?'
Nothing" said she, except to Dor
row her opera glasses the day before
they moved and keep them till the day
after, so she couldn't get chance to
train them on their back room furni-
ture."-New York Times.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
Rnrlesn1fe Legislation.

An epidemic of burlesque legisla-
ton seems to have again broken out
in state legislatures this winter over
in Illinois one-of its legislators has
introduced a so-called stork bill,
which he calls a measure to prevent
race suicide. Like others of the sort,
it seeks to tax bachelors and endow
motherhood with premiums ranging
from 500 to $500. II men vested
with the grave responsibility of max
ing laws desire to have a little fun
with the bachelors that, while it is
not exactly becoming the dignity of
their position, is yet subject to par
don, but they should not invade the
sacred circle of the home with their
ribaldry.
In the first place, such law would
not logically accomplish the purpose
set for it, Taking the argument of
the advocates, themselves, that race
suicide is practiced chiefly among the
well-to-do and that large families are
most common among the poorer
classes, what practical effect could the
matter Of 500 or $500 have on
homes already blessed with ample
financial means? On the other hand,
would it not, If It had any effect to
stimulate the birth rate, tend to in
crease the burden of the poor and
thus, instead of helping to solve the
problem, only complicate it the more?
II the authors of this sort of freak
legislation aimed at being funny, they
may have succeeded In measure, de-
pending on the idea people have OF
what constitutes humor. But still
there ought to be limits beyond which
even members of legislatures should
not or could not CO.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
JOsHTNG THE JINGOEs.

Chicago Record Herald: The United
States Is soon to be bounded on the north
by reciprocity and on the south by revo-
buttons.
Wall Street Journal: Japan is preparing
for war because she orders a supply of
coal Sinister activity OF the frankfurter
factories also directs attention to the Ger
man peril
Philadelphia Record: II the world were
governed by the jingoes and the enthusl-
asts Of peace there is reason to fear that
war would be perpetual. Happily they are
both greatly in the minority.
Brooklyn Eagle: Our regulars down near
the Rio Grande are gravely discontented
The militiamen who have always amused
them 80 much in the past are left out Of
the program. All work and no play makes
Jack dull boy, as elsewhere.
Pittsburg Dispatch: Germany's military
experts report the concentration Of our
troops in Texas to be a failure. But we
need not be too much cast down over this
adverse judgment II is the habit of the
German experts to regard every mobiliza-
ton as a failure except their own.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
People Talked About

The estate of Thomas F. Walsh, Colo
RADIO millionaire, must pay his doctor 81, 900
a day for services under contract.
1t is inspiring to hear of Henry Dorman,
the civil war veteran of 1l2 summers, who
attributes his long life to never worrying"
instead OF tobacco and whisky. This ex-
ceptional case gives the ad writers of the
longevity school a hard nut to crack.
Joseph steingisser has had his name
changed to Joseph Sugar. Supreme Court
Justice Guy of New York, granted his plea
when he was informed that every name
in Hungary has a meaning of It's own,
and that Sugar is the right name for
Josephs family
M Spiridonoff q Moscow mining mag
nate, to celebrate his golden wedding in
vited 200 guests, who were agreeably sur
prised 20 find their card OF invitation made
Of pure beaten gold, with the lettering
artistically done in enamel. Each card
weighed two-thirds OF an ounce. and the
eight and a half pounds OF gold used to
make them came from SpiridOnoffs own
mines In the Ural mountains. The invita-
lions alone cost 5000
Dr. Mary Walker sees the happy day
| coming when women and men will wear
| high hats and trousers, with q fur cape
| for chilly days. Why this learned woman
should see fashion tending in the diree-
| ton Of the passing coachmans garb II is
hard to understand. Something more bird
/ like will fill the need Of the future. The
| high hat in the age OF flying machines
would produce race OF bsldheaded eagles.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
Naming the Committees.

When the extra session of the Sixty
first congress convened two years ago
Speaker Cannon, then exercising the
power of his position, named only
few Of the committees, the ways and
means and rules first. holding the
others in allegiance until the regular
session. He named only what COM
mittees were essential to the imme-
date purposes of the new congress.
Now it seems that Champ Clark as
speaker and his democratic colleagues
will follow this precedent That is
suggested in the interview of Con-
gresham Hammond of Minnesota, who
is a member of the ways and means
committee. He ventures the opinion
that only the rules, accounts and mile
age and possibly one other committee
will be selected. The ways and means
is already made up. While the rules
now deny the full appointing power to
the speaker, he and his coterie OF init
mates win undoubtedly hold this
power over any democratic brethren
inclined to be recalcitrant at least
until the close of the extra session and
the beginning of the regular one. Nor
is it even certain that the tentative
chairmanships given out will become
more than tentative at this extra ses-
sion. The plum tree can be used to
great effect by the democratic leaders
and they are not likely to overlook
that.
Two years ago when the republicans
we're in control and Speaker Cannon
made his appointments, Champ Clark,
as the minority leader, loudly pro-
tested that he and his friends had
been ignored in the makeup of the
house, whereas II was the custom for
the majority at least to consult with
the minority leader Al that time Mr..
Clark uttered this remonstrance:
Originally the speaker had the power and
exercised H. TO appoint all committees
both the majority and minority members
Under Speaker Reed. when Bailey OF Texsl
was the minority leader, and under speake
Henderson, I think that the minority lead
ers we're consulted a good deal regarding
the appointment Of minority members
When Cannon was elected speaker and VIII
liams minority leader. the speaker con
ferred on the minority leader the favor o
appointing minority members on commit
tees with one or two reservations Com
mittee assignments do not make and Ain
make men In the house Of Representatives
had nothing whatever TO do with tn
appointments Of the committee on way
and means and the committee on rule
and would not have cared baubls
he had put me on the tan end q the com
mittee on ventilation and acoustics. Ever
man makes his own Plses IN ths house o
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
A High Tribute.

In naming the newest and most
modern public school building in
Omaha the Edward Rosewater
School, the Board of Education has
paid a high, tribute to the founder of
The Bee. We believe that every men,
Der of the community in any way
familiar with the work of Edward
Rosewater will agree that this is a
most fitting recognition of what he did
during his lifetime for the develop
ment of the public schools and the up
building of the city.
AS the resolution adopted by the
board sets FORTH Mr., Rosewater, as
member of the legislature of 1871,
found his principal achievement in
securing the enactment of a law for
the reorganization of the public
schools of Omaha into a metropolitan
school district. 1t is equally interest
ing, although perhaps not so well
known, that the opponents of this
measure attached provision requiring
its ratification by popular vote before
it should be effective, and that The Bee
was founded for no other purpose
than to arouse public sentiment in it's
favor. The vote of confidence which
ratified this public school law is what
made The Bee a permanent institution,
and immensely widened the field of
usefulness of its editor and founder.
Several of our public school build
ings have already been named in
honor of the pioneers in educational
work, and in continuing this custom
from time to time the board has an
opportunity to give real inspiration to
the dedication of the new schools.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
NEBRASKA PRESS COMMENT.

stanton Register (demD; A majority Of
the legislature seem to be tied hand and foot
to the liquor interests as a draft Of their
purposed re-appointment but the booze
representatives will not have Il that way.
II political gerrymander is accomplished
II will be a sad blow to democratic hopes
in Nebraska. The people want a square
deal.
Western Laborer: II seems TO us II the
legislature we're to pass a simple enabling
act granting to all cities and towns in Ne
braska the right TO adopt the commission
form OF government II would be more sat
isfactory. Then each city or town could
whip out the kind of plan II desired to
adopt for itself and have all the time II
wanted for discussion. II is too big
question to be settled by the rush act.
Hastings Republican: II the Placek bill
Is intended as claimed by The Omaha Bee.
IAN evident attempt to gerrymandef the
democratic voters into the dominant posi-
ton" is should be defeated. The only
excuse, II any, for a redistricting Of the
state should be purely along equitable and
tair lines II It cannot be accomplished with
this end in view, the measure should be
killed These are times for legislators to
tote fair
Grand Island independent Mr.. Bryan
has a new panacea. He would have a law
passed requiring every newspaper to pub
lish the names Of its holders as also the
holders OF every mortgage on such prop
erty. But wherefore this class legislation,
Colonel7 why not apply the principle TO
every other corporation or at least to all
public utility corporations? As 10 the
newspaper let the editor take the cussing.
For what other purpose is he? Isn't that
the way in which he earns his munificent
salary2
ONeill Independent: Lincoln is having
taste Of what the democrats got last year
in the open primary. This time the demo-
Gratis are using II TO nominate a man re-
pubncans do not want The open primary,
while good In theory has proved vicious In
practice and will be psed in this way as
long as II remains upon our statutes. The
democrats were made sore last year by
having a man forced upon their ticket that
they did not want and here is the time TO
get back at them in a way that will cause
them trouble.
Falls City Journal: Otto Kotouc Is a bet
ter performer this winter in the legislature
than at the previous session. He votes
against one of the wildcat appropriations.
It is time that somebody called a halt on
loading down the state with unnecessary
schemes for spending money. In the past
ten years the population Of Nebraska has
increased 10 per cent, while the appro-
priations for the state government have
increased in the same time almost 100 per
cent, and the end is not in sight.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
Trying to Break DeadlOoks.
t the merry war go on.

Powerful pressure is being brought
to bear from the outside to force New
York and Colorado democrats to break
their senatorial deadlocks and elect
senators before the extra session Of
congress convenes. The democratic
party leaders see where they can use
the votes of those two senator's to
good advantage. 1t seems now that
senator-elect MARITIME of New Jersey
may be detained by physical disability,
The party's strongest influence, there
fore, is being welded to compel action
by the legislatures in New York and
Colorado.
Although the converting of congress
is now less than two weeks off, so far
as the elements of disagreement in the
two states are concerned, they are APP
parently no nearer harmony now than
they were at the outset and probably
would go on indefinitely as they have
been unless outside powers INTERVIEWED
Boss" Murphy in New York, to be
sure, processes to have assented to the
plan of Sheehan's Withdrawing from
the race, but could not get the consent
of Mr.. sheehan and upstate demo
Gratis" He pretends, therefore, to
have thrown the matter entirely upon
Mr.. Sheehan for decision, which, OF
course, will not be taken seriously by
people acquainted with the Tammany
method of doing business.
! And it probably is just as true thai
in Colorado, whenever the big inter
ests agreed to support some othei
man than Mayor Bob" Speer of Den
yer, Mr.. Speer's candidacy would col
lapse and an election of senator en-
sue. In a sense the national democ
racy is on trial as to the extent of it,
power or influence. 1t is knowledg,
of this fact that is arousing the ma
tional leaders even though their inter
ference is a plain violation of thei
professions favoring states rights.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
oonspicuou, bY Their Absenee.


The birthday banquet rendered to
Mr.. Bryan was significant gathering,
but, like the platform, which is as
binding for what II omits as for what
It contains, its significance lies as
much In those conspicuous for their
absence as those noticeable by their
presence. The absence from the ban
quet board of democracy OF many
familiar faces that have year in and
year out worshiped at the shrine of
the distinguished Nebraskan, indicates
that there is something doing behind
the breastworks, and that the prelim-
mary sklrmish at Grand Island last
summer has serried the ranks and
broken the column, although it has
by no means deprived Mr.. Bryan of
followers. In his oficial capacity as
sentinel, Edgar Howard, who is a thick
and thin member Of the Bryan guard,
last week cried out from the ram
parts:
Today Nebraska is as certainly lost to
Bryan. and all for which he stands, as the
first battle of Bull Run was lost to the
unorganized union army. But organization
can win Nebraska for Bryan as certainly
as organization retrieved union losses on
that historic field Of war.
The birthday banquet looks like the
first roll call for volunteers in the
fray, but in all probability those who
were missing will not enlist on the
Bryan side.
Let the merry war go on.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22

An extraordinary agreement between
man and wife is the subject OF an action
which Charles Harris Phelps has brought
in the supreme court against his wife, Mrs.
Elenor Livingston Phelps, in which he
seeks to compel the defendant to pay to
him one-half Of her income from the es-
tate OF her father, John Augustus Pell
Mrs. Phelps income from this estate is
more than $4,000 a year Besides the es-
tate that Is involved In the present litiga-
ton, Mrs. Phelps received from her mother
an estate whose value Is estimated at
more than 81 10000. She also holds several
valuable parcels OF real estate.
Mr. and Mrs. Phelps were married in
1878. In 1887 they separated, but became
Teconeiled In 1855 when the agreement was
made IN London. Mr. Phelps had been a
we'll known lawyer in New York, with q
large professional income, which. accord
ing TO the document now In question, he
had abandoned at the request OF his wife
and her father that he might travel abroad
with Mrs. Phelps for her health.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
A MODERN TRAGEDY.

A maiden sat with anxious face
Upon the window seat
Her eyes were fastened on blur
OF gray upon the street;
II was the postmRn's agile form
That did her pulses stir,
And her heart thumped mRdly In her breast
At the rate OF sixty per.
The postman's ring. A letter. Yes
She clasps 1t to her heart;
But after she has closed the door
And heard his steps depart;
Fond foolish thing she kisses then
The stamp the part that's under
Oh why win madens do such Cog
Coined foolish things, wonder,
She mounts the stairway to her room
She shuts the door with care,
She takes a dainty penknife out
And opes the missive there;
And To- before her blinking eyes
There doth unfold this tale;
"You are invited to Screw & Co.'S
To attend curtain sale"
Omaha. BAYOLL NE TRELE.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22

Throwing money out OF windows is not
a common occurrence In New York, but II
Is sometimes practiced, as is proved by
a cook employed IN a downtown restau-
rant, who threw more than $1,000 into the
gutter OF Stone street recently. Antonio
Jarrett, the owner. has asked police aid
10 recover the money,
Zarettl came to this country about ten
months ago with the idea OF entering some
business. Unable 10 find what he wanted
ne took position In the restaurant until
he could find what he was looking for
Not being acquainted and fearing to trust
his money to banks. he decided to keep II
in his pocket. tied up IN a paper package,
Last night while changing his clothes he
dropped the money on the kitchen floor
where It was found by the cook. She, not
knowing what the package contained
threw Il out Of a window.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
PumpinE "oOIOr" into Nsws.

Dispatches from FL Paso, Tex describe
O. @. Creighton. an American soldier OF
fortune fighting With the Mexican insur-
gents. as "a Harvard graduate As
might have been expected, his name ap-
pears in no known Harvard catalogue but
that will not deter the war correspondent
along the border Harvard graduate Is
a picturesque touch. and adds attractive
meas 70 the narrative. How many cow
punehers or western advsnturers coming
TO grief or achieving nOtoristy are adver-
tised every year In the press dispatches
as Harvard men, or yale menl"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22
SMILING LINES.

Don't you think it must he dreadful
thing 70 live from hand to MOUTH"
II don't know. l live myself from hand
to foot
'How's that"
My tradesman hands out the bills and
my husband foots them. "-Baltimore
American.
through things like that customs Inspector
Mrs. Styles-Oh, yes. I've seen my hus-
band go through a bureau drawer looking
for a shirt!-Yonkers Statesman
1.-THE telephone companies will in time
form one of our most oppressive monopo-
lies, said the man who is always ap-
ne mercifulv' reioined the man who
looks bored. I'VE have trouble enough,
Don't start a hello peril.
Star.
Whats this word, PAP asked Willie
pointing 1t out in his book.
Phenomenon replied pa.
49, u. what Is that?'
That, my son, s what you would he II
you never disturbed your father with ques-
lions. -CatnOuC standard ana lines.
He-would you scream II kissed you?
she-Yes, of course, would
(Silence.)
She-George-
He-Yes. What Is It?
She-F-father is deaf.
(Tableau.)-U. p. Punch Bowl
Friend-when do you expect Mr.. Rich
to- recover?
Doctor don't know; he's the only pa
tent L have at the present time.-Life.
II am going TO start a garden" an
nounced Mr.. Subbubs. "A few months from
now / won't be kicking about your prices.
mo" said the grocer, 'you'1 be wonder.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22

place and he can't take Il away from me.
Now, It will be interesting to see
how much the democrats consult who
ever may occupy the position Of minor.
ity leader when they go to make APP
pointments or map out a program of
house business.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22

The insurgents in the AID club come
in for a roasting for not tamely sub
hitting to the will OF the majority
Evidently, 1t depends on who is in
surging whether insurgency is COM
mendable.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-22

Mr.. Bryan says he doesn't have to
have a certificate as a delegate to the
next democratic national convention.
AS editor of great weekly newspaper
he can get ticket to the press gallery
on his own account, and the reporters
usually have the best seats, anyway.