davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
HOW HE DoDeEp THE ISSUE
Minister, Preaching Funeral Sermon
for Worthless Man, Talked Of
This Glorious Age.

One of the hardest things a minis
ter is called upon to do is to deliver
IN address at the funeral of a man
Tor whom there is really nothing good
to be said. Such moments Of embar-
rassment do occasionally arise. How
one parson tactfully coped with the
situation is thus reported In Human
Life:
The very worst man in a mining
camp not notorious for its piety died.
The fellow had been terribly bad. II
he lacked anything of total depravity,
none could recall any evidence of it..
He had been brutal and debauched
and debased in every way known to
mankind. When he died there was
Quandary as to what to do at his
funeral. He had been shot down in
his boots, in defense of the very de-
cency of tho camp. A nonresident
minister was sent for, and was told
the awful truth about the deceased.
Didn't he have any good point?"
asked the minister.
mot one."
wasn't he even kind to a child
some time?"
Never"
The minister was lost in thought a
while; then he asked:
When is the funeral to be?"
Tomorrow at three. VIII you
preach?"
"Oh, yes!"
What in the world will you talk
about?"
II shall talk" said the minister ION
the glorious age in which this man
lived"
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
Sheep as Burden Bearers.

In the northern part of India sheep
are put to use unthought of In Euro
pean countries. The mountain paths
among the foothills of the Himalayas
are SO precipitous that the sheep.
more sure footed than larger beasts,
are preferred as burden carriers.
The load for each sheep is from 16
pounds to 20 pounds. The sheep are
driven from village to village with the
wool still growing and in each town
the farmer shears as much wool as
he can sell there and loads the sheep
with the grain he receives in ex-
change. After his flock has been
sheared he turns 1t homeward. each
sheep having on its back small bag
containing the purchased grain.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
All Have Artificial Legs.

Loss of a leg is essential to job
with Chicago firm. All but two of
Its 102 employees in the factory and in
the branch offices wear one or two ar
tificial legs. The institution manufac-
lures artificial limbs, and the en-
ployes leave their work to show the
newly fitted patients how well they
can walk. run and jump with the arti-
f1cial article. Makers doubt If there
ever was such thing as cork leg"
lin which cork entered in any coz
siderable extent into the making OF
the limb. Some of them claim that
the name was derived from one Cork,
who made artificial legs early in the
last century in New York. In the
present day they are manufactured
from English willow, covered with
thin parchment or enamel. or of wood
and leather.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
JOHN W. GATES AND THE CAB
Little Gambling Episode In Which
"Watch-Ms" Was Able to gay
'You Lose" Three Times.

A Gates anecdote that never got
so far as it deserved. II 1t was true,
was about his riding down town from
New York hotel In q cab with stock
market friend.
"I'll match you." said John Watch~.
me, Ito see whether you or I buy this
horse and cab from the driver. II it'a
his"
1t was cabby's, 80 they matched.
and John Watch-me had the satisfac-
lion Of saying. "You slose." The bar
gain struck, John Watch-me had an
ether proposition to offer the new
owner.
Nov I'll match you." he said. ITO.
see whether you keep the outfit or
whether you sell 1t back to cabby at
his own price," And once more John
Watch-me said, "You lose.'
Here 1t dawned upon Gates COM
panion that in the last match John
Watch-me had stood no chance to lose.
whichever way 1t went, and he made
remarks.
."All right" said John Watch-me.
"I'll match you to see whether you or
I stand the difference between the
buying and the selling price," For
what he had Just sold cabby would
only give buying price that was just
500, less. This was the stake In the
last match, and for the third time
John Watch-me was able to say, "You
lose." ~
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
STAGE MEDICINE WAS REAL
Veteran Actor For Years Played In
valid's Part and Took Remedy
for Indigestion.

Taking medicine on the stage is
not only realistic, it is real," said an
old actor. Anyhow, it was SO in
my case. Here is copy of a pre-
scription that had renewed eighty
three times in the three years that
played the part of an invalid. l
really did suffer most of that time
with indigestion, and the medicine
was. prescribed by my physician. He
had been hammering away at me for
months before l undertook the part,
trying to persuade me to take some
thing.
You got to take dose of some
thing in that second act.' he said, so
why not make it real medicine and
cure your stomach trouble and earn
your salary at the same timer
That seemed sensible advice. 1
got the prescription made up, and al
though have eaten many a fake
meal on the stage and have drunk
many a pint of fake wine, never once
have I taken a dose of fake medi-
cine"
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
pumas's Melon Contract.

Alexandra Dumas, pere, was ex.
tremely fond of melons, and an auto
graph letter of his has just come into
the possession of the library of the
town of Carpentras by legacy which
proves the fact. 1t is perhaps one Of
the strangest contracts ever made by
man of letters. The letter is ad-
dressed to M. Seguin, the deputy;
maire of Cavaillon in the Caucluse in
August, 1864, by the author of LES
Trois Mousquetaires," who was then
living at st. Gratien, near Enghein.
He says: "On receipt of your letter l
have immediately arranged with my
publisher, M. Michael Levy, for him to
send you the two or three hundred
volumes which have already appeared
Of my works, and that in the future
as they appear he will send you the
others. and am very pleased to be
you do me. But please have the good
ness to tell your honorable maire, NJ.
Tourel, that l impose one condition.
If the town and the authorities of Ca
WALTON like my books. like their
melons, and | desire that in exchange
Of my three or four hundred volumes
there shall be constituted for me, by
municipal Decree a yearly income of
twelve melons per year. The cost of
carriage will naturally be at my ex-
pense." Need one add that the con-
tract was faithfully kept on both
sides?
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
FIXED UP PAPA's MATTRESS
Little Elizabeth Did a Good Job, But
He Didn't Seem to Appre-
ciatea II.

Elizabeth" said Mr.. Jones to his
ten-year-old daughter, "the mattress
on my bed needs punching up; it's
like bowl and l always roll down
into the middle. If you'll fix 1t up
nice I'll give you a quarter"
The bait was alluring. and Eliza
beth worked hard, ripping open the
mattress and making its contents as
fluffy as she could. But she found it
hard task. Then an idea came. She
repaired to the back yard and picked
up half dozen tomato cans. These
she placed upright on the shiral
springs. : ffsi
Sure enough, when the mattress
was placed on the springs it looked
fine and 1t was with pleased express
sion that Elizabeth reported her task
done when her father returned in the
evening.
Heres the quarter" said the faith
er, and Elizabeth and her two smaller
sisters straightway repaired to the
nearest ice cream parlor to spend 1t.
After the girls were fast asleep
they heard series of noises from
their fathers room. He had just re-
tired and had discovered the tomato
cans. The girls, listening, heard
some language that was impatient. to
say the least, and then heard a series
of rattling sounds as the cans were
thrown onto the floor. Then it be-
came quieter.
Next morning Elizabeth was not
complimented on her work. Instead
the father had few words to say
about foolish little girls.
But the three sisters. having had
their ice cream. didn't care as much.
perhaps, as they should.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
Telling the Aae Of EeIs.

The scales OF the eel tell its age.
On each may be observed at inter-
walls several more or less clearly
marked lines parallel to the margin.
These mark lines Of growth, one for
each year Of the life OF the fish. Three
years. however, must be allowed for
the innermost ring, as the eel has no
scales until the third year. The
scales do not overlay to any extent
und are arranged In series Of small
groups at right angles TO each other.
30 us to resemble what Ia known as
herring-bone brickwork. Conger eels,
however, are said to have no scales.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
AMERICA NAMED BY GERMAN
Martin Waldseemuiier Published First
Map With That Title Given
the New World.

In the interesting town of st. Die.
in French Lorraine, there was recent
ly held celebration of special inter-
est to the people of this side of the
world, and in lesser degree to Spain
and Italy. 1t was in honor of the four
hundredth anniversary of the publica-
tion there of the geographical work of
Martin Waldseemuller, in which Amer
lea was suggested as the name of the
New World.
There have been many theories and
much controversy as to the origin OF
the name America, and not few have
resented the slight which was put
upon Columbus in this connection.
pucci-who, like Columbus. was an
Italian sailing under the flag of Spain
for stealing" the glory due the real
discoverer.
But the chief wrong. If any was
done, was committed by the German
geographer in the book which was
published in 1907, and on the map
which he published year or SO later.
On that map the name America was
part of the New World. The northern
part was called Parias.
1t is possible, perhaps probable, that
Vespucci, not Columbus. first reached
the mainland of America; and it was
Vespucci who grasped the important
fact that new continent had been
found, and not simply a part of Asia.
OF that fact Columbus died in ignor-
ance.
But rightly or wrongly, the namo
of Amerigo Vespucci, trader, traveller
and writer. was given to the New
World, and given to remain forever.
And now lofty tower rises among
the hills of Lorraine to commemorate
the suggestion which resulted in the
designation.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
Knew What She Wanted.

A kid with fiery red hair and scorn.
ing any such protection as may be
afforded by shoes and stockings. walk
ed into n pharmacy and nervously
stood about until ono of the clerks ac.
costed her.
II want some O. dat stun to die o
switch wid." she said.
What color would you like?" In.
quired the facetious clerk. Red
green. purple or what?''
Quit your kiddin'." admonished the
young lady 81 dunno the stun, but
it's suthin like hopper-grass an II
smells orful.'
Without moments hesitation the
man handed out nickel's worth Of
copperas-which makes for black dye
while It disinfects the material as
well. .:.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
A Discerning Person.

Mrs. Martins new parlormaid, Su-
san, appears to be not only extremely
well trained and all that a correct
parlormaid should be but also young
woman Of unusual penetration. When
Mrs. Martins acquaintance, Mrs. Da-
Wis. comes to call on afternoons, Susan
ascends the stairs to her mistress
room and declares to that rather as
tonished lady that MRS. Davis, one
Of the gentry, is in the drawing ROOM"
On the other hand when Mr. Smith.
the book agent, or Mr.. Jones, the
piano tuner, rings the front door bell
and sends up card, Susan is not to
be deceived. and announces, "Mr.
Jones or Mr.. Smith, not one Of the
gentry!" Mrs. Martin is at loss to
account for these distinctions.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
SunerInu.

This world would be dreary mono
tone without the mountains and the
lakes. the rivers and the valleys,
which have come through natures
great upheavals. The sufferings OF
earth make It the more glorious. Men
Is much like this in his own expert
ence. The blessings of like have come
In large measure because of the heart
aches and the agonies of men and
women. They have given of their life
blood SO that others might be en-
riched. This has been their crucifix-
ion. But out Of their affiiction has
come q new life-grown from the seed
Of the best that died in the old self.
This has been their resurrection
Charles Sickle.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
When Sleeping.

1t is well to sleep from infancy with
the head uncovered, as the hair thus
retains its beauty longer. On retiring
the hair should be raised high above
the ears. without pulling. plated loose
ly in a single braid and tied with q
silk or cotton ribbon. Avoid wearing
starchcd nightcaps. as the starch la
injurious to the hair. When old age
approaches 1t may be well to wear
nightcaps. ~
Brush the hair we'll, using soft
brush, on going to bed and in the
morning. The best brushes are made
with short bristles. II the hair II
combed from the roots downward
without being divided In several parts,
much harm may be done to It. The
hairs would certainly be broken OF.
become uneven and could never be
made to look cared for. It is an ex.
cellent thing to smooth the hair with
the hands.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
Cats Drive on snakes.

For many years have been running
cattle station in Queensland. where
snakes are tolerably numerous. At
the head station we have always kept
up standing army of from 15 to 20
cats and have been practically free
from the presence Of snakes about the
building and yards. Az
That this was owing to the presence
Of our cats / have no doubt whatever.
They were always on the lookout. and
have often seen members Of our
feline body guard growing over dead
or dying snakes and have more than
once Witnessed savage encounters be-
tween them and their victims. On
the other hand. martyrs to their duty
were from time to time found dead
In the morning with all the evidence Of
q fight and their defeat In the shape
Of snakebito on their bodies.- Spec.
tator.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
chInaman Wanted Much.

One Of Boston's insurance men in
sured a small building which serves
an industrious Chinaman both as shop
and home. The policy covered dam
ages caused by fire and water. but
John Chinaman evidently thought he
was protected against losses due to
any other cause whatever. One day
the following letter came, addressed
to the insurance company:
Some bad boy break my one glass.
Now all tore. Come you my house.
Look. Fix new. Joe Lung"
Joe expected the company to make
good the damage done by the bad boy.
and plainly thought he was being
swindled when informed that his
claim was inadmissible.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
RETREAT OF A. PHILOSOPHER
Avisnon, the City Of ExiIed Popes,
Was the Homo of John
Stuart Mill.

Avignon, the city of the exiled popes,
was en- fete on Sunday, when a bust
was unveiled in the gardens of the
cottage of John Stuart Mill. 1t was at
Avignon that the philosopher So
journed after his defeat at the polls
at Westminster. 1t was there that he
did much Of the writing which has
made his name immortal. There he
spent the happiest seven years OF
his life after his marriage to Mrs.
Taylor, and there he died. The French
people delight to honor true greatness,
and the people of Avignon are proud
of their city's association with the son
of the philosophic historian of India,
the author of "Utilltarianism"
After Mrs. Mills death Miss Helen
Taylor. her stepdaughter. was Mills
constant companion at Avignon. There
high encomiums of Miss Taylor-I
am in clover" She is described as
the architect and the master mason
all in one" of the additions to the cot
tage, where she had designed the "her-
barium" (for Mill was keen botan-
ist) and the "vibratory." Another at
traction to Mill was the "semi-circum-
gyratory," as he termed the terraces
going round two sides of the dwelling
1t was in 1858 that Mill and his wife
went to Avignon to stay for year.
but Mrs. Mills sudden death changed
her husbands plans. and for about
fourteen years he passed his grief with
his books. just leaving the grounds to
visit his wifc's grave, surrounded by
"sombres cypress" In this little earth
ly paradise he wrote that he found
that enjoyment necessary to his ex-
istence which the house OF commons
did not offer.-London Globe.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
CHARACTERS OUT OF SCRAPS
Thacksray's Psrsonasss Were Pateh-
works, Seldom to BE Recognized AZ
Portraits Of Actual Persons.

$. Thackeray rarely drew an out and
out portrait, though he sometimes ven-
tured on recognizable caricature of
people he detested. In Roundabout
Paper" called de Finibus" he asserts
that he creates his personages out Of
"scraps. heel-taps. odds and ends of
characters" Lady Anne Thackeray
Ritchie corroborates this. "Afy father"
she writes In answer to a private re-
quest for information. scarcely ever
put real characters into his books,
though he, Of course, found sugges-
tions among the people with whom he
was thrown. I have always Thought
there was something of himself as
Warrington. Perhaps the serious part
of his nature was vaguely drawn In
that character. There was also little
likeness to his friend, Edward Titz-
gerald. who always lived very soil
tary life"
Warrington, indeed, may be taken
as typical instance of how Thackeray
made up his own personages out of
"odds and ends of characters" In the
circumstances of his life Fitzgerald
was the closest of all prototypes that
have been suggested. Like Warning
ton. he had married beneath him,
though not SO far beneath as Warning
ton; he had found his wife utterly un-
congenial and had left her in comfort
able circumstances to make his own
way in London in poverty and OBJ
security. To add the final touch of
pathos, Thackeray painted Warning
toms abandoned wife as bad woman,
which Mrs. Fitzgerald was not, but
only very foolish and snobbish one.
Besides the originals already sug-
gested, James T.. Field hints at a
fourth in Barry Cornwall, and Gen.
James Grant Wilson says Thackeray
told Philadelphian that Warrington
was an English professor Of Latin
William s. Walsh, in Columbian.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
A Left-Handed Job.

The advertisement called for a left
handed dressmaker's assistant, but
the first person who answered 1t was
neither left-handed nor a dress
maker. t-.
why do you want a left-handed
apprentice?" asked the curious visi-
tor.
Because the girl who just went
away was left-handed. She left lot
OF unfinished work. and 1t will take
another left-handed girl to finish It.
Left-handed people begin work in the
opposite direction from right-handed
sewer, and II right-handed person
attempts to finish 1t there is sure to
be a muddie."
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
Ranges Of Bow and Modern Gun.

In the days Of mailed knights and
battleaxes there was safety at dis
tance Of 400 yards. That was about
as far as the best archers could shoot
an arrow. Meade, a famous archer
under Charles l., states that the ordi.
nary range Of the bow was between
320 and 400 yards. though It is on rec
ord that one man was shot distance
Of 463 yards with the wind. Com.
pared with this Is the latest naval
gun with q range Of fifteen miles.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
surprI,ed Al cItx,a slx..

A Colorado ranchman was paying
his first visit to New York, and a
friend took him down to the Battery,
and then proposed that they walk up
Broadway. They kept walking along,
showed and jostled. the ranchmnn all
excited and pleased. After about a
mile Of It. he became tired and
ceased talking, but kept plodding
along. But after an hours walking,
he took his friend by the arm and
stopped him.
II say, BILL" he said. looking up
the street with q weary gaze. rs 1t
town all the way to- the Rocky noun.
tains?"
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
Candid, II Nothing Else.

The Lawyer-Are you acquainted
with any Of the men on the Jury?
The Witness--Ycs. sir; more than
half Of them.
The Lawyer-Are you willing to
swear that you know more than half
OF them?
The Witness-Say. II It comes to
that, I'm willing to swear that know
more than all of them put together.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
clreumIccutIon.

II am inclined to think" said the
man who speaks with firmness though
with caution. that our friend Mr..
Grafton Grabb was created on the
Sabbath"
For what reason?"
I'VE are told that an honest man is
the noblest work Of the Creator, and
also that on the seventh day the Crea-
tor rested"
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
Almost as Glow az Nature.

Gibbs-T noticed you were late at
the thcater last night. suppose your
wife spent the deuce OF a time put
ting on her hat.
Dibbs-No; putting on her hair.
Gilpin observer., 1911-11-09
Awful.

"I heard Gibbs is sick in bed" said
Dlithers. 'r
"Yes-he's got cirrhosIs OF the liv.
err" said Jiks.
"sorosis Of the liver?" cried Blith-
ers. "Geel Think Of having a woni-
ans club internally" - Harper's
Weekly. ~
The Mobridge news. [volume] (Mobridge, Walworth Co., S.D.) 190?-1917, 1911-03-17
MOBRIDGE
PROSPERlNG

D. G.. CalIett, the local ieweler,
returned the last Of the week from
Mobridge. where he spent = short
time on busiIess at his branch
atore. Mr.: Gallett reports Mo-
Mobridg, growing rapidly and
prospering. The citizens of Mo-
bridge in order to accommodate
the large number of guests who
daily are in their town are plan-
ming to erect a new hotel TO cost
in the neighborhood of $75, 900.
This new building will be three
story structure and cover four lots
on m ain street. Although the i'm
migration has arely commenced,
several times of late as many as
forty psople who came there were
The Mobridge news. [volume] (Mobridge, Walworth Co., S.D.) 190?-1917, 1911-03-17
YOUNG MAN DIES
OF DIPHTHERIA

Wallace II, Dowd, SON Of Mrs.
Lillian Dowd, who rectntly mo ed
here from Marmarth, died Satur.
morning of d;pt'eria aged "a
years.
He was born at White Lakes,
s. D. but his chill ihood was spent
at Emery.
Later he removed with his mother,
who is a wild NV, to Mitchell, and
until 1909 held a responsible posi-
ton with the Milwaukee road.
In 1910 he went to Marmatth
and entered the train service, but
when the division officers were re-
moved to Mobrid5e he came here
to be with his mother aud the rest
of the family,
The remains were shipped to his
old home at Mitchell MONDAY where
the furneral wss held.
The deepest sympathy is felt for
he bereayed family.
The following taken from the
Mitchell Daily Republican gives
further partieula S: The remains
of Walter Dowd were brought to
The Mobridge news. [volume] (Mobridge, Walworth Co., S.D.) 190?-1917, 1911-03-17

unable to secure accommodations
and as result were commrelled
to stay up the night. Among
other construction which is expect
ed to be done there this season. Mr..
Gallett says the Milwaukee line
Is going to add eight new stalls to
it's present large round house, and
10 also contemplating the erection
OF q lsrge new depot to be built of
brick. With the main line from
east to the coast passing through
and the three branch lines which
cover the territory across theiiser,
traffic has SO largely increased there
that present accommodations are
entirely inadequate. Aberdeen
Daily News.
The Mobridge news. [volume] (Mobridge, Walworth Co., S.D.) 190?-1917, 1911-03-17
A SONG OF THE SHAMROCK

The country OF Ame ca is bread and free and great
she takes unto her mighty heart the ranger her gate
landed here ragged boy, without singla groat
Without friend. without place. without Sunday coat
She fed me and she p'osperd she filled my pockets ank
She gave to me little home and money in the bank
But once year my soul goes ba to places Far away
And wanders Ger the bogs and brooks upon Patrick
smell again the smoky peat upon the cabin hearth
see the settle by the doorthe dearest spos earth;
hoal the music, glad and sweet of Noras silve voice
While up the wild and windy glen the peevsh pres rejoice
And then thu best and bravest lads that sun
Come marrh by at early morn both full Of fight and fun
With emerald feathers in their hats and sken sashes gay
blatkhorn stick in every fist upon St Patr;cks Day
Old Ern's harp in silence hangs uT on willow tree
Her scattered far and wide alien ard and sea
Her mischief loving eprachauns dead years rose
But cose agai ISL her bosom still the little shamro grows
For while bit of Irish sod is there its 10 hold
TIL" shamrock dear of Ireland will flourish and unfold;
And whl an lrshman left above the chrchyard clay
He'll shan rock his breast upon ST. Patricks Day