The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1911-08-19
Cheer Up, It Will Be
Cold in $4,000 Years
Noted Scientist Who Is Coming to
Salt Lake Tells Us We May
Expect Relief.
WORLD WILL FREEZE UP
Grave Problem Is What Will Be
come Of Zion s "Hot" Aggre-
cation of Ball Players.

kdU1Ou VI Dull IUy Slo.
Pretty soon there is coming to Utah
q man who says we are all going to
freeze UP CO. 900 years from now. This
man Is Prof, l.. Howell Lewis OF OK
ahoma City. who intends TO make his
ties down for keeps he Will make lee
ture tour Of the west, including Salt
Lake In his itinerary. Professor Lewis
musician and pretty much OF an astro-
nomer 1t is because he Is an astronomer
that he is enabled to predict with ac-
fessor Lewis was connected with the
United States geological survey and rem
making sEna Focs sEorre BY e SSy
secrets. secrets which he proceeded at
once to lay bare to merciless miners
who quickly and Desperately sssailed
mite.
Professor Lewis won fame through the
discovery Of numerous fossils. The most
triceratops against which he stubbed his
toe one day when he was running bare
foot. The triceratops. It may be said
for the enlightenment or the benightcd.
with scales on Its back, three horns on
Its head and bad breath Having been
so successful In. his search for fossils
elsewhere. 1t is unfortunate that Pro
fessor Lewis did not devote some atten-
tlon to the fruitful fossil fields OF Utah.
This field would yield Professor Lewis
are TO be found some OF the slickest old
fossils that ever were. many of whom
are still hale and hearty and in an ex-
cellent state OF preservation
No Summer After While.
But It is the ultimate knockout blow
| n IA %.ll iC
Germs the people most Professor Lewis
figures that everybody will be destroyed
by freezing In the year 6l91l. This will
many who had fully y' expected TO be
destroyed by burning. Professor. Lewis
says 1t Is common thing for the earth
TO get jolt I'm the neck Ike this and
II Is the testimony OF Professor Lewis
that the earth's orbit IS a regular wig
gle -wobble and that 1t is as full OF
that is coming off In 619l1. says Pro
fessor Lewis. Will be due to the orbtta
eccentricity Of the earth. In other words
when when Il, the earth reaches the farthes' na
, 100000 miles, the cold closes In on all
animal and vegetable life, mountains OF
Ice form at the poles and encroach over
the entire surface. and mans existence
IN common with that OF all other life
According TO Professor Lewis, the
earth is now on the upper course of Its
career. This is contrary to the preach,
ing and understanding of the people OF
today, who are constantly being told
dha, that It the e. earth 1sl is in the very lowest
entity VIII go plumb to pot unless wicked
ness ceases For the next 10000 years
SO the professor holds. the eccentricity OF
the year 11911 1T will reach its nearest
approach TO a perfect circle. He believes
that then the social life and civiiza-
| 3 s~. 81 &~t, l.
fection. It will then begin TO retrograde
and will have reached Its extinction by
the year 61s11.
Fond Anticipations.
It may be reasonable to assume that
10000 years hence, when civilization
ali bust voluntarily, prices Of meat neat viii
crawl Into, the. we'll and the federal
bunch will give over office holding
While the first two mentioned of these
doubt about the last.
1t would be interesting to take a sly
peep a at the the civilization that is to OBJ
would 1t be Interesting to note what the
women Will wear-whether the hobble IN
emphasized form will still be on the jot
of the old school, now so rare among
us. Doubtless. science. before the crest
Of civilization hits us. will have discov-
cred that 1t is bad for the skin to read
with the eyes. but that We should read
with the teeth. Likewise. that II is a
grave mistake 10 eat on an empty stom-
ach. Also, 1t would be A matter inter-
esting to speculate upon how much q
drink OF forty~rod would be worth then
If a barrel OF II should be carefully
the question suggests Itself: Will an
umpire system have been devised by
1911 that will be satisfactory to both
teams and the fans. and will an i'm
proved type Of pop bottle for throwing
have been invented? On the subject OF
baseball. the mind easily drifts onward
and onward and one is constrained to
wonder IT, in 6l911, B.ankenship's team
will run bases on skates and use 1cicies
for bats.
In addition to letting the public into
his confidence respecting the day when
the frozen face and the cold stare will
be as common every hour as they are
now on the day after election. Professor
Lewis says that he has just completed
a machine at his home In Oklahoma
which shows In a graphic manner the
movements OF all the consultations. Ty
Cobb Eddie Collins, Walter Johnson
Marty O'Toole, and other planets and
suns OF lesser brilliancy and magnitude
This machine Professor Lewis will use
In his free lectures.
In view OF these facts, the announce
ment OF the coming TO Salt Lake OF this
scientist will no doubt be received with
nouncement that Jim Jeffres has come
back" .......
Cuts and bruises may be healed in
about one-thjrd the time required by