Bisbee daily review., 1911-01-12
4 THEORY OF TAILS.
Monkeys at the Zoo and the Missing
 Watch.

THE zoo was suffoeating in the rays
 of the afternoon sun. 1 paused
 for n moment to watch monkey with a pathetic face absentmindedly almost sadly. clutch the tail of sleep ing relative above The sleeping rela. tive awoke on the door very talkative and thrilled. but the originator of the pieasantry was out of reach and with the face of one on the verge of tears.
 'Wot pity they ave tails" said a voice beside me. He was a little scrubby man. with a soiled collar. straw hat and faded frock coat
 paid no attention.
 He looked about him rapidly. then came closer and in a hoarse whisper said:
 '1 say, guv'nor. d'you know wot calls it? Why. it's tragedy"
 "Ah." I returned vaguely.
 "Yus. tragedy, becorse why? We ave no tails nor our parents neither. Ain't that sop
 I endeavored to convey that I was prepared to swear that my father, once q K. C.. had never within my knowledge mentioned the fact in my hearing
 He assumed the attitude of modest man caught in the right. There y are" he said.
 There was a pause. series of shrill screams in a distant part of the room suggested another stroke of hu- nor on even more ambitious lines.
 The little scrubby man smiled know ingly
 There y are again-tryin' to sit or their tails and idle their feelin's."
 l was a little perplexed.
 Talk of the fan,' he snorted, with considerable scorn When we lorst oar tails we became deceitful. And why? Because we 'ad nothin' to give ua away. They know it; look at 'em. They'd give anything to get rid of 'em. Ifs like carryin a truth gauge on your waistkit"
 He came closer and stared triumph antly up into my face. He was in a glow with eloquence. He tapped me playfully on the chest.
 "Imagine it-your thoughts, 'Opes most sacred feelin's at the mercy of q cruel gloatin world just becorse you ave tail For instance, you're pro- posin' to the parents of your young lady Why. your tail would be be- tween your legs trying to get out c sight. An whats the effect on theft tails? Curlin' like oops. They'd know you 'aven't brass farthin' at once"
 You have no reason to suppose'- began hotly
 ''No arm meant, mister" he inter- posed soothingly. Then think of 'avin to attend funerals and sich-like. No matter low gloomy your counte- nance. wet if your tail was weggin' like a riprap through pure light cart edness?"
 I admitted the prospect was worthy of thought.
 "Or in business. 'ow could you name price with any confidence if your tail was on the floor and 'ad all the air of a wrong un?"
 The sun had sunk at last Shadows crept over the room. In the corner op- posite a silent baboon stood statu- esque against the evening sky.
 Of cO'rse Pm not denyin' there would be advantages. I'm no dorg in the manager I'm willin' to come out and share and share alike. be it argy- ment or anything You'll be sayin' wot satisfaction to the orator to ear the thump of approvin' tails or the actor in the scene where the 'eroine carsts her 'elpless babe into the racin' mill stream. Why. it would be easy to jump in after glance at the droopin' tails in the stalls
 nodded thoughtfully
 T must be goiIi' 'ome now he re- marked after 2 pause. T knew by the looks of you I'd got to deal with shrewd un. man of the world. clear 'eaded. farseein' gentleman"
 For a moment wished that he had worn a tail that might have betrayed something of his purpose, which seem ed to me rather obscure Then l drop ped him out of my mind and began to wonder how late it was. But my watch had sone.-Punch