Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1911-05-24
DODCINC THE
LAW
By M QUAD
By M. QUAD
Copyright. 1910. by Associated Lie-
erary Press.

JO0&puu6 HENDERSON was man OF
forty when a startling event. took place
In his life. He was also a widower.
he was exactly Eve feet high and
weighed 10 pounds. These figures
will convince you that Josephus was
not numbered among the mighty men
Of earth. He had tried various ways
Of making living. and in pursuing
them he had got the reputation Of be-
Ing keen. He had at last turned ped
der and was driving a horse and
wagon around the country with dry
goods, notions. groceries and tinware.
That's the way he came to meet the
widow Sopher. who lived on farm.
The widow had passed forty. She
was large and bony and strong. She
was not handsome. The only thing on
earth she feared was the law. She
had once been arrested for kicking a
man and had spent ten days in jail.
The sheriff had made her stay as
pleasant as possible. but she had new
er recovered from the shock.
Peddlers are Jovial lot, and 30 are
widows. and in time these two came
to call each other Josh and Sally.
Things would have gone no further
but for the little mans keenness. He
never made sale to the widow with
out cheating her. and one day when
he heard that she had come into pos
session Of 5000 in cash through the
death Of a brother Josephus saw his
way clear for the future. That money
would set up a store in the village,
and he would become a thriving mer-
chant.
Josephus went counting. He found
the widow behind the plow in field.
As he cohrted she plowed. He had
no objections. as time was money to
both Of them. Josephus confessed
that he had entertained sneaking
affection for the widow since his first
call. and. though she didn't say much.
she seemed pleased
Josephus was told to call two weeks
later. but at the end of nine days he
was back again. He said 1t was his
beating heart that fetched him. He
had cut the time down, but the widow
was ready for him. Several days pre-
vious she had gone to the village and
paid a lawyer IS to answer the ques-
ton:
Can the law trouble a wife who
ticks her husband?"
And his answer had been:
mot II you do not lick him too hard
There is neither assault nor battery in
what may be called a moderate licking.
Don't break any bones and don't seri-
ously injure his eyes"
~ have been thinking" said the Wild
ow to Josephus; II have been thinking
and wondering If you loved me-"
Heavens, can you doubt it?' he ex-
claimed.
"And you will always love mel"
"Forever and foreverr'
"Then we'll say two months hence"
zone month"; week-a day"
Josephus knew Of store to rent in
the village, and he wanted that $1,000.
The widow insisted that she must have
two weeks at the very shortest. and q
date was settled on. The marriage was
to be private and be celebrated in her
home. In due time the happy day
came round-a preacher and two wit
nesses and the deed was done. An
hour later. as the happy couple were
dress, rolled up her sleeves and brought
out new horsewhip bought for the &C.
casion.
whats upT" asked the wondering
Josephus.
Take of your coat and stand out"
"Eor what, love? l want to talk
with you about opening store in
town"
"Plenty Of time for that, Josephus.
The first sale you made to me was 1--WE
yards Of roller toweling. You beat me
on the price and on the measure. I'm
going to tan your jacket for IT."
But. love-
She took him by the collar and laid
on the whip till he hollered. A wo-
man who could twist pillow around
in clay soil could handle the little
Josephus.
''The second SALE" continued the
wife as she rested. twas i've tin pans.
Four Of them leaked. and you beat me
out of 10 cents beside. Here is lick
ing No. 2"
But I am your dear husbandw he
protested as he squirmed about.
"And that's why can lick you and
dodge the law. Here goes"
Josephus' hide was tickled again.
He attempted to fight, but was taken
by the hair and his head banged
against the wall till he grew quiet
When the performance was over and
the wife had got her breath she said:
you sold me ten yards Of calico for
q dress and warranted It to wash. II
was three-quarters of yard short on
the measure and the colors ran into
each other. Josephus. some more
horaewhipw
"I'll have you arrested for this!"
"You can't. That's what I paid 81