The Washington times., 1911-01-16
Andrew and Imogene
By Roe FulkersOn.


trying to make il so hot
for Peary that he will forget all the
cold he endured in the arctic region"
He deserves it, said Andrew. EN-.
phatically. That man ruined one Of
the finest professions we ever had wheI
he discovered the north pole. For ', ~
ard years 1t has been the custom W
gentlemen in hard luck to get some n -
with money to back an expedition 4
search Of the pole. Polar explorers useA
to SO common that If three men
stopped to look at the hole where thtH
dug up the Raleigh Hotel two of thens
were sure to be men who had made
polar trips.
"All they had to do was TO buy some
sheepskin clothes and a few bottles Of
picked onions and go I'D in the north
east corner Of Maine on a moose hunt
ana stay till they had eaten up the stuff,
and then come home and go on the lee
ture platform for a couple of years; but
now Peary has actually found the thing
and Othello-like, their occupation is
gone and the labor element in Congress,
backed by the Polar Discoverers' Union,
is getting In their work on him. and
Macon Of Arkansas is asking Peary
questions which he cannot answer him.
self
Personally, can see little worth in
this arctic country. We will never zee
them selling lots there or see any great
tide Of emigration sweeping in that d.
rection. You know it's six months night
and six months day there and only
night liners and poker players would
appreciate the place.
The office people would hardly like It,
for they would have to rise at sun-up
on the 1st of March and get shaved and
down to breakfast about April Fools
Day. Then they would have to 20 to
the office and work till the first of
June before they would get out to lunch,
and 1t would be 4:3O in September before
they could go home, and when they got
there they would find the children had
grown an inch or two, the Oldest girl
would have been courted and married,
and the baby would have cut three new
teeth and learned to say 'da da,' all
since they left home in the morning.
Some Of the neighbors would drop in
after dinner and they would play five
hundred for a couple of months and
then run down town for a bite to eat.
They would sit at the table for,
month, and when the check came the
poor clerk would find he had spent
about six years salary
Pay day would come but once in
fifteen years, and when a clerk worked
three hundred and sixty-five years he
would get thirty years leave with pay.
TT would be about Christmas when
they went to bed, and then they would
sleep till wakened by the milk man in
March and get out of bed to find that
their whiskers had grown down to their
knees, and at breakfast every man in
town would look like Judge KfmbaIl,
Cuno Rudolph, or Doctor Ober. I don't
fancy the life myself"
STILL said Imogene, cit would have
its advantages. OF course II would be
lonesome to have ones husband stay
at lodge from September till Christmas,
but think how nice It would be to play
bridge from June till the end of August
and then get up from the dinner table
and know you had till the 1st of Sep
tember to dress for the theater. 1t
would be awfully easy TO keep ones
figure, too, If one only ate three meals
a year
Yes, my dear" reminded Andrew,
but just recall the clothes they wear up
there. Papa, mamma, Irene, and the
polar bears all wear a Ypsilani shaped
suit of fur
True said Imogene. But what
woman would care for the cut of her
clothes II they were all sealskin? But,
seriously, Andrew. do you think Con
gress will ever do justice to Peary?"
Yes, my DEAR he replied. 1T will
happen when they give a franchise to
a rival telephone company, when the de-
partment clerks and school teachers are
provided with a pension, when the gas
company voluntarily reduces its rate to
90 cents, when the grounds around the
Union Station are finished, when uni
versal transfers are given on our street
cars, when the salaries of the Connis-
sioners are raised, when Captain Oyster
makes friends with Major Judson, when
Dick Sylvester catches Dorsey FouItz
when people in the District vote, when
the League, of American Penwomen sup
press the comic suppleInest, when Henry
Mcfarland quits making speeches.
when thu Masopic Temple is paid for,
when"
Andrew" she interrupted, what was
the one word Poes raven had in It's
vocabulary"