Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-17
Sage of South 9TH Street Ex-
presses His Views.
CONDITIONS ON RIO GRANDE
Uncle Sans Riproarers Merely En-
gagged in "Maneuvers."
SCoUTIN' ALONG THE BORDER
Strategic Movements Down There
Consist in Movin' the Pins
on a Big Map.

on u dig nap.
Two naval militiamen were scrapins
some paint from the side OF the Ozark in
their efforts to connect the r own small
dingy with the Naval Battalion's war
ship she lay enthroned on the mud.
fiat at the south end of 1t.i street wharf
As the amateur sailors made desperate
jabs with boat hooks they showed that
their deficiency in boatcraft was Mel
balanced by their acrobatic agility 1.
keep from falling overheard as the little
dingy rocked crafty in the water. III
naly Reg Finney. who with Shorty Fer
ris was silently watching the perform
ance. cast an enormous quid OF tobacco
into the tapping waters OF the Potomac
and remarked with the irony Of a water,
man:
The navy's great institution. l won
der if TIL army's as good
- dunno-yet. returned the sage OF
after the mee-noovers at San Antoine.
Twenty t'ousand of them riproarers
what the songwr.ters persist in calm III
boys In blue. regardless OF tn fact that
blue amt been an army fashion since
the war-r-rm summer of 'aS. when KHAKI
come in wild crop of Spanish war
songs say twenty tousand of EN- are
now scoutin' along Rio Grande. WHICH is
to Texas what tn Potomac is to the
District Of Columbia. They're most like
~ tryin' to find TIL shortest cut to TIA
nearest pulque shop. That pulque is y
Mexican ticker that makes terbasco
sauce taste like wather..
= In the Old Wartimes.
But war amt what it used to be- Al
of in
charge bayonets. up boys and at EN-.
The resultin carnage always gave the
third and fourth readers a complete Sc,
Of heroic poems. TIL blood red sun was
settn' slow an stop. tn ragged hero
said, Yo can't get by TIL | am dead are
fair samples of tn conversation In them
old wartimes. Things was staged for a
complete melodrama Of heroes. bayonets
an blood. Some young gin raj always
come out a President. Them fellers what
put tn City of Mexico on tn toboggan
in 40 is all heroes now. You see picters
Of 'em in their high milintary hats.
sharpened bayonets. standin i'm close or
der. whilst a general initiates a bronze
statue, with his sword drawn Til
smoke an wounded, dead and dyfn' is
all there, an don't forgit tn ten-year-
old drummer boy, who pounds tn life
outen his drum, regardless of the can
non ball wound in his patriotic little
yellow head. It's truly martial picter
But yo'll not see any ot that along
tn Rio Grande, If them poems git gay
enough to require an armed evasion. Tn
seem -th -insurrection-put-do automo-
biles running out of El Paso for a dol
lar a trip will not AFFORD you any such
sights After tourin' tn hostile coun-
try, where yo see tn insurrectionists a.
their favrite task Of rolln' cigarettes
wit one hand, yo' stop at tn headquar-
tiers of tn American army. y sporty
lookin' middle-aged gent in khaki is sit
tin under awnin' pullin' red pins out
of map-takip' 'em from Texas and
stickin' 'em I'm Mexico. Ev'ry time he
pulls a pin II means regiment has
crossed the Rio Grande.
There's a Difference.
'io' wonder if any one pulled any pins
when George Washin ton made tn Della
ware famous. Yo don't see no battle.
murder nor sudden death. Nobody RACES
around tn place saying lie only regrets
that he can make but one test ride for his
countrys sake. Yo see til finest lookin'
fightin' man yo' ever saw detailed as "A
camp barber. Tn drummer boys aren't
drummin They're off shootin' dice
wit a compile OF friendly poems: an tn
gen raj carries a cane made OF genooine
bamboo In place of a Sroard.
You hear a buzz buzzin It's a field
buzzer buzzin' messitch from tn front.
telegraph oprator jots down the mes
stitch and hands il to the middle-aged
officer. who takes green pin from
the province of Santa Pajamo and sticks
ut I'm tn middle of tn Carambo noun
tains. announcin' that tn dirty greasers
have just been Dust I'd from their strong
hold and are scattered just I'm time to
bring tn troops in for tn evenin': and
its a good thing. fer tn regimental min
strel show is a-comin' off that night an
wit much activity at tn front the
leadin' comedians are in danger av go
IT. L. l,,,tfe t,x.t.
legs. q
.'Yo might circulate among tn troops
when they come marchin' back from the
front led by movin' pitcher syndicate
representative. Yo' try to CLEAN few
heroic remarks. such as yo read in the
fourth reader. Yo' want to imbibe tn
limipid ticker of liberty as gushed foorth
from TIL rocks. TIL soldier heroes, de-
prived Of their canteen. have stopped
maxim heroic speeches. yo'll find. All
yo hear is tn top sergeant mumblin' be-
cause he ripped his pants. TIL army
regards yo' wit suspicion when 20 start
to recite Paul Revere. They think
yore a book agent. TIL nearest thing
to heorism yo'll hear like as not is tn
devout wish of some rookie who'll tell yo'
tn army is all right but as fer him, give
him big pretzel and a pint o Four-an'-
a-Half street whisky an tn army can go
walk off a dock fer all Of him.
Orders Must Be obeyed.
"Yo' don't See no gen'rals standin'
round headquarters wit long. dark
cloaks, gettin' off any monologue like
Stand, TIL grounds yer own, me brave
buckos.' In tn first place. he's got his
seegars to smoke. an then he's gotta
read his messitches from Wsshinton.
where the paternal government Is look
in out fer him. It's a hot day on tn
Rio Grande, but along comes a messitch
from tn weather bureau: Red under
shirts an overcoats. Storm comm It's
agin his Judgment, but orders Is orders.
AS he's jest gettin his men into their
red undershirts an furs--it's only a hum
erd in TIL shade-here comes another
messitch from tn bureau of soils: Dou-
ble-auick off the camp grounds The
earth yore on is infest wit angle
worms.
ORDERS is orders They run. That
night he gifts another messtch: Angle
worm messitch an error. Beat ii back
quick
",Can I take my furs OFF, telegraphfs
tn geu'ral Everybody else is in bathin'
suits The messitch takes months IN
eettin' round tn various divisions at the
department an finally is lost to view un-
der tn avalanche of rubber stamps.
War Songs All Changed.
IF we have another war on tn
Mexican border, I dunno what we'll do
fer TIL heroics. Even the war songs is
diff'rent It used to be Yankee Doodle
,,,,. 4. a;o't amy nore Wit "a hoard NJ