davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16

case)-There. old man. you'll find that
something like a cigar
MSwithers (puffing)-Hem! most
remarkable resemblance. What In II !
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16
Illuminating.

Dentist (after examination)-And
will you have gas, madam?
Nervous Patient-You don't suppose
TIM going to let you tinker with my
teeth In the dark. do you?-Tattler.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16
A Wise Wife.

Hubby-Why, 1 knew that girl
when she wore short dresses!
Wifey-If you go in bathing at the
seashore this summer, you will &c
with me.-Judge's Library.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16
CertalnlN

PA. is It true that a rich man can.
tot enter the kingdom of heaven?"
81 think II is"
rs that why they always leave II
behind them?"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16

Wife, don't see how you can e.,
that Mr. Whitechoker has an effemiu
ate way OF talking. He has a ven
loud voice
Husband mean by an efeminat,
way OF talking. my dear. that ne talk,
all the time
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16
a Bachelor.

Son-Father. what's bachelor
Father-A bachelor is a man who
could never influence the right girl
to encourage him TO marry her..
judges Library.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16
Not Haopv

Bill--And you say Jack and Tom
threw dice to see which should marry
the girl?
Jill-Yes. and Jack won.
Bill-And was he happy?
Jill-No. After the marriage he ac-
cused Tom of working loaded dice
Yonkers Statesman.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16
Before the Truats

When the prodieal son returnos
they killed the fatted calf"
Yes. But meat vas much lean o.
pensive then"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16
The Result,

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Al clip DER things to hurtle;
They tried to take a six-foot wall,
And then their car turned turtle.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16

Whene'er he fain would rest bi. mia
Re goes 10 see n show.
Where forty pretty chOras Kirfs
Are tripping In a row.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16
DECIDED NOT TO OPEN IT.

Caller-I was thinking about open,
Ing drug store in this neighborhood.
Do you think one is needed around
here?
Resident-Great idea. There's no
place within ten blocks where a man
can buy stamps or see the city direo-
tory.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16

The difficulty OF knowing what not
TO cay is knowing when not 10 say Il.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1911-08-16

.,(/ observed by many OF
the hunters In recent years that n
iargar number of COWS have two
calves following them than in pre.
Vlous years. The elk are becoming
acchmnted to the high mountainous
country OF the park and upper Yellow
stone ana are growing more hearty
IN their present environment. In
early days before the great valleyo
and low lands were taken up by the
settler the elk were found in the big
open country except in late summer
months, where they were very often
louno IN the high mountains grazing
upon great plateaus. Early explorers
ana prtspectors noted very few elk In
one PARK and section north of that re-
serve. and in fact very little game ex-
cept buffalo. This information was
ootalned from DR.. Reagle. who was
WIN Dr. Hayden in his official expedi-
uon In 1871, when most of the geysers
were named and angulated.
Inc elk stay up here in the noun
'ains all winter now, very few of their
NUMBER trying to do down the valley.
Ahey nave learned to like the snow
ana during the first snow storms will
ieave the low country where the
ground Is bare to climb upon the
piateaus and benches into a foot of
snow. 1t is not uncommon to gee a
oand OF elk making a trail through
Tour feet of snow, taking turn about
breaking trail. They will live all win
Ter In this deep snow and will nav
out great patches, banking the snow
up around them and making 1t look as
though they were penned I'D in q biq
corral with a great white fence
around 1t. They are fine rustlers and
are busy most of their time pawing
the snow down trying to find a bunch
OF grass.
The calves suffer the most from the
long, cold winter and lack of feed duo
10 the deep SHOWS, but there is not a
very large percentage that die. prob
ably about 10 per cent.
They usually meet their fate IN
March, which is the month the cow
starts to wean her calf. which at that
time is very weak and thin and I'm bad
condition to rustic for itself.
The large herds Of elk start 70
leaVe the high mountain meadows of
the Yellowstone Park, where the snow
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

very remarkable, but from that time
on felt that l was a fright"
Why. how rooIish!" said the maid
of honor. I've known you always
and you never we ugly. You always
were 50 CHEEKY and sweet"
Thank you, dear" said the bride
to- be. but you see girls who are fat
and have carroty hair and big mouths
have to be good-natured. l learned
that when / was little girl made
up my mind that / was going to have
friends if l couldn't be a beauty.
and"
"Friendsi" The maid of honor fair
" shouted il. why. you have more
friends than any three other girls put
together"
Jack says the voice of the
bridesmaid was dreamy as she spoke
the name that the lines None
knew her but to love her, none named
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

when you wrote those letters Just
what you were doing for me- For If
! you hadn't written those letters very
likely / shouldn't be addressing we'd
ding announcements now
1T came about in this way: Edward
was talking to the dining room stew
ard about his place at table and when
the steward asked him If he had any
friends with whom he wanted to sit
he said, No. but want TO sit next the
girl who receives the most steamer
letters He meant ii as Joke at
first, but the steward said he would
attend to It.
so it came about that we sat next
each other at table. OF course we be-
came acquainted during the first meal
and the rest of the 10 days-welI /
never saw any adjectiyes in the die
tionary which could describe them.
Edward didn't seem to notice that
/ was fat or that my mouth was 100
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

That the present monetary system
of the country is archaic. that the
country has outgrown it and that
there is need of some organization
which will weld the banks of the
country into a system which will be
secure against political domination
or the control of concentrated wealth
were the declarations made by for
mer Congressman Albert F. Dawson
of the Second Iowa district at the
annual banquet of Baltimore chap
ter of the American Institute of Ban
kers at Baltimore, Md, last week.
Mr.. Dawsons utterances were of
the more interest as he is about to
take a prominent part in Iowa bank
ing affairs as head of the First Ma
tional bank of Davenport. Speaking
on the question of currency reform,
Mr.. Dawson said in part:
"One of the greatest needs of the
nation today is the creation of
monetary system that will measure
up to the demands of modern bust
ness, which will adjust itself TO the
needs OF tTdue anu OHHeTCe III us
seasons of variations.
THE present system is archaic
and with the tremendous advance in
business since it's creation we have
completely outgrown it, We plume
ourselves on being a progressive peo-
pie and yet we tolerate a fiscal sys-
tenn which fails utterly when any un-
usual demand is made upon it,"
In its operation this system has
resulted in tremendous losses to all
classes of people throughout the
country through failure TO perform
it's natural functions at times of ifs
cal storm. The panic of 1907, while
not serious in the west, entailed a |
loss of untold millions to the people. |
When business is halted, commerce |
retarded. and production curtailed, |
with the consequent reduction in /
and wages the loss falls |
with far more severity upon the poor |
than the rich. That panic must en-
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
CHURCH FOR LATE SPooNERS
Como at Midnight. Says Pastor, and
Avoid Lobster Palaces.

The Rev. John Thompson Of the
Methodist Episcopal church I'm Whea-
ton, near Chicago. has begun a cru
SADIE to induce sweethearts To give up
expensive lobster palaces" bring mid
night lunches ard do their counting I'm
the church pews.
His rules will allow the sentimental
ly stricken to stay late. with big
room and piano and 100 pews as roomy
as davenpOrts.
There is no better place In the
world for a young couple TO do their
counting than i'm a church." announced
the pastor. II believe i'm matchmaking
that il, In the right kind Of match
making.
This talk about dinners at lobster
palaces and expensive seats at thea
tiers and taxicab bills f. "A mistake. A
good girl who really loves man does
not want to see him make a fool OF
himself when he Is counting her any
more than she wants 90 see him do so
after they are married"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
OBSE RVATIONS.
Low High Pr'cip.
last yes "a hrs.
Dawson for Monetary Reform

phasize the fact that the reform of
our system is a question as practi-
Cal and vitel to the wage Garner and
the producer as it is to the banker.
I'VE do not need a greater vol
ume of currency, for the per capita
circulation of the United States is
greater than in any country in the
world except France. We do not
need a greater currency. for every
dollar of our currency is as good as
gold.
Nearly 80 per cent of the bust.
ness is done with checks and drafts
and the need OF the country is to
modernize the machinery of bank
ing and currency so that the present
sound and economical methods of
doing the business Of the country
shall not break down in times of A.
nancial stress"
Mr.. Dawson said that what the
country needs is a system embracing
the following features
THAT elasticity of currency which
will respond to the varying needs of
business at different seasons Of the
year with as cdTe1ul safeguards
against stringency.
THE unification of bank reserves
so that they can be concentrated and
made available wherever most need
ed in times of trouble.
'The association of banks into a
national system, rather than one of
scattered units, to obtain unity and
cooperation, but which must be alb
soIutely secure against political dom
ination or the control of concentrat-
ed wealth.
"With minor additions, TO provide I
greater uniformity Of bank privi- !
leges, a well organized commercial /
paper, the elimination Of objection |
able features on the independent (
treasury system and the granting of I
permission to banks 10 do business in /
foreign countries, we would give the |
country immunity from the disas-
trous money panics of the past and |
which would assure the transaction
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
a=s=@~=@z=@z@C=9EmNG OLD LETTERS 9Em@wz@IM-mzg<@

Here, Kate" saiC the brfde-to-be
TO the bridesmaid as she held a letter
toward her, do you recognize this
handwriting?"
Why" answered the surprised
bridesmaid. lit is the steame- letter
l wrote you when you went abroad
last summer"
Even So" conceded the bride-to-
be. Here. Edith, is the one you sent
me. You recognize 1t, don't your"
"Of course I do" said the maid Of
honor. But what I don't see t. why
you kept IL and ali these others"
THAT is the story" said the bride
to-be. However, the story really be-
gins e long time ago. / think il be-
gins with the day that heard a caller
saying about me. Oh. isn't il a real
misfortune for anyone to be as ugly
as she is2' I hadn't thought much
about my looks before that - as I
wasn't quite years old, that was not
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

pect to see such a sight as this"
What / can't understand" said
the maid Of honor, els why you didn't
burn some Of them as you wen along
after you were engaged. at least.
You must have had a regiment OF
admirers to have written all those let
ters.' said the bridesmaid.
Then the bride-to-he laughed. You
precious idiots. she said, you don't
know what you are talking about
Why you know-both of you-that
never had 8 man in love with me eX-
cept Edward. I used to mind It a good
deal: but that was before / knew him
AS long as the best man in all the
world is mine why should / care about
the others?"
But what are all these letters %
demanded the maid OF honor. Why
should You destroy them il they
weren't love letters. and why did you
save them in the first place ?"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

her but to praise might have been
written as prophecy of,Rou."
Again. / thank you-and Jack ="
said the brfde-to-be. But in spite of
my friends. never was really popu-
lar girl. / went everywhere and the
boys as we'll as you girls seemed to
ike me. But / was the kind OF girl
they talked about their sweethearts
to-not one Of them ever thought of
railing In love with me. was never
in love with any of them; 1t was pure
comradeship, but sometimes = 7
wouldn't have owned to this for the
world until after I met Edward and
his devotion compensated for all those
years Of neglect - I used to wonder
II never was DING TO have the ad-
miration which I'll the other girls
seemed to have as their right.
Then last year / went to Europe.
And all my good friends rote steam
er letters to me. Little lid y0z know
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
An EIonorsd Pig.

A four footed discoverer Il honorcd
I'm the town hall Of Luneburg. Prus-
STA. II f. a memorial to pig that
breathed its last 300 years ago. This
consists OF handsome glass case In.
closing a ham IN excellent preserva.
ton. and underneath a black marble
tablet with the following inscription
IN gold letters: "Pas5crsby. here you
behold the mortal remains OF tine pig
which acquired for itself impeTishablc
glory by the discovery OF the sal:
springs Of Luneburg"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
sREAT PRIZES OFFERED
FOR LONG DISTANCE
AERIAL FEATS THIS YEAR

- PROFESSIONAL flying OF to-day
is less a aport than q business
That is why the great prizes
n Of the air offered for extended
ntgtAs IN the present year are attract
ing the attention OF the worlds most
famous hiera. Some OF the biggest
money prizes have been offered already.
among them being unwon Followers
from hast year. England Will be the
principal center OF interest but other
countries VIII also have their air Der
bies. Early IN the summer the most
noted aviators viii gather In England
70 try for two of the biggest prizes OF
the year, the Gordon Bennett cup, rep
resenting the speed championship Of
the world. and the 1000 mile tour
around England. For the winning OF
the latter event q prize Of 10000 zap
proxin1ately $50 .ooO) IS offered The race
is to be contested during the second
week in July. the prize being awarded
to the competitor who, starting from
point near London. completes in the
shortest time the circuit shown on the
map. No competitor may touch the
ground when flying from one city to
another. One week is allowed
The greatest OF the international con-
tests OF the year viii be the London
Paris Brussels-Berfin fight, for which
offered by a newspaper Of the French
city. They viii be award ed to the win
ner Of a race from Paris to Berlin.
70 Brussels, to London and back TO
Paris. the event comprising thus two
crossings Of the English channel The
distance So about 1900 miles. and the
Eate professionally set for the event is
tune 4 Other big foreign events are
The southern France circuit flight, the
'oute including six large cities. for a
irize Of $40. 09e. the Rome TO Turin cross
country flight without return, the Ber-
IA to Hanover circuit and tine Fret
,urg 70 W'esbaden circuit The last
named two flights are open to German
aviators only. Other big English events
are the Liverpool TO Manchester and
London TO Newcastle trips.
Fifty thousand dollars is q lot of
money for an aviator TO win by one
flight, but in the vernacular OF the day
q flight from New York 70 San Fran /
cisco or from San Francisco TO New
York will be some flight" The big
purse Is offered by a New York pub |
Usher. The conditions can for the ac-
cornpIisbraent Of the Journey within
thirty consecutive days before oct. 10
by any route which includes Chicago. /
ANY number Of stops may be made en-
route. The fight win include the sur
mounting Of the high mountain ranges
Of tre vest. the traversfng Of arid re-
-ians remote from sources Of aid in
Case % uishap and the crossing OF
mighty rivers.
ARTHUR J. BRINTON.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

large. And when I told him frankl-
In veritable spasm Of confession
such as girls in love always have. that
/ never mad been popular. he Just
said: DO you think I'll believe that
after seeing all those gteamer letters? p
80 we are going 10 be married and
live happy ever afterward and IL
was the letters OF the dear old crowd
that did it"
81 suppose. said he bridesmaid.
that you are gOinS 20 20 on keeping
these letters forever as precious keep
sakes?"
You guessed wrong" said the
bride-to-be. Edward might see them
some time-and despite that Fpasm OF
confession on my part. IL may be az
well II he thinks IN O. some Of these
letters were love letters. A mar likes
TO think he has taken a girl away
from a lot OF rivals"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
LOCAL MARKET CONDITIONS.

LOCAL MARKET CONDITIONS.
March 15.-Following are the quota.
tons on the local market today:
Live POultry-Old hens, 10c: springs
iGc pound; ducks. 1Sc pound; geese,
zoe pound; turkeys 1Sc pound.
Fresh eggs, 19c.
Potatoes. per bushel, Csc.
Butter. dairy 24c; creamery 26c.
Lard, 12c
Onions, soc.
Feed and Fuel.
Corn, per bushel, Soc.
Oats, 32c.
Wheat, S5c.
Forase - Timothy hay, SIS to SIG;
Clover hay. SIS.
WoOd-$4.5O per load.
Coal-Lump, per bushel, 15c; slack,
10c.
Sales on Market square in last "a
hours up TO noon today:
Oats, one load at 32c
Corn, three loads at soc
Hay. one load at SIS.
Wild hay, one load at SIS.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

Teache--Now. Earle. tell ms vhsu
is the harvest season? Earle From
November 10 March. Teacher why.
Earle. ! am surprised that you should
name such barren months. who told
you they were the harvest season
Earlie-Pa. He's "A plumber. Aiilwau-
kee News
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
FORECAST FOR i
WEA1 HER CONDITIONS.

The movement to eastern Ontario
of the storm center that was yester-
day over Minnesota has been attend
ed by rain or snow in the lake region
and the Ohio valley and on the Allan
tic and gulf coasts. An area of de-
cidedly high pressure has advanced to
the Dakotas, accompanied by much
lower temperatures and high winds in
the Missouri and upper Mississippi
valleys and the upper lakes. The tenn
peratures are below zero in Manitoba,
northern Saskatchewan and northern
Minnesota. The continued eastward
movement of the low and the high will
be attended by fair weather in this
vicinity tonight and Thursday, with
warmer Thursday.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
Nine O'clock Market.

Hogs sc to 1Oc lower. Light $500
10, rough 6.50@6.65. mixed 665n $50
heavy 6-70Q $50, pigs 6.50d 100. bulk
6.75 a $50.
Cattle 1900; market steady TO 10c
lower.
Sheep steady.
Hogs tomorrow $4,000, cattle 5000.
sheep 1900.
Beeves I. 90a6. 90. COWS 2.5OG6. 90.
stockers 4.25G5.9O, Texans 1909 $50.
calves 7.0O9S.25.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

bridesmaid came suddenly upon her.
An" said Tire maid Of honor. 81
see how il Is. You are surrounded by
your terrible past"
I've heard" said the bridesmaid
THAT there always was bonfire Just
before q wedding - that no self-re-
specting girl would walk 10 the altar
until she had devoted at least one aft
srnOon to reading and destroying her
bid love letters. But never did / ex-
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
A Fierce Niaht Alarm

is the hOarse, startling cough of a
child. suddenly attacked by Group.
Often it aroused Lewis ChambIin of
Manchester, Ohio OR. R. No. p for
their four children were greatly sub
ject to Group. Sometimes in severe
attacks he wrote, I'VE were afraid
they would die, but since we proved
what certain remedy DR.. Kings
New Discovery is, we have no fear.
We rely or it or Group and for
colds or sny throat or lung
trouble" 81 do thousands of others
So may you. Asthma, hay fever,
grip. whoOping cough, hemorrhages
dy before it, so cents and ST. Trial
bottle free. Sold by all druggists.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

Corn market opened steady with
March u higher and May Is lower.
Following the opening there was dull
ness. with prices unchanged. Weak
ness in Buenos Aires offset the strength
in Ameria.
Liverpool Cables.
Wheat opened - lower: closed IS
lower 20 Is higher.
Corn opened unchanged, closed I'M
changed TO = lower.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
He bride-t

-E bride-tO-be was sit
ting on the floor
fairly baTricaded by
envelopes OF all
shapes and degrees
OF bullying.
Il can't get out
unless you take my
hands and help me
jump" she said, as
the prospective maid
OF honor and the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

The card party which was to have
been given March II by Helen Gould
auxiliary will be postponed until fur
Their notice on account of the death OF
Sister Miller BY order OF
GORILLA KITTILSEN.
Department President.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
TOday'S MARKET Quotations

LBy wire from +. w. Wagner & Co.
members Of Chicago Board of Trade
Grain, provisions. stocks. and cotton
Local Office at Rock Island house, Rock
Island. III Chicago office. 9S-99-100,
Board Of Trade. Local telephone, No
west 1901
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

Fully nine out of every ten cases
of rheumatism is simply rheumatism
of the muscles due to cold or damp,
or chronic rheumatism. neither of
which requires any internal treat
ment. All that is needed to afford
relief is the free application of Cham
berlains liniment. Give it a trial.
You are certain to be pleased with
the quick relief which IL affords. Sold
by all druggists.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15

of the increasing business OF the ma
tion with safety and security
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
Chicago Estimates Tomorrow.
Primary Movement.
LIVE STOCK.
Openino of Market

Hogs $4,000. Left over 200. Opened
sc lower. Mixed 6.65d7.O5. good 6.75@
100, rough 6.50d go, light 1910.
Cattle 10000; steady
Sheep 10000. steady.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
BOARD OF TRADE TRANSACTIONS.

BOARD OF TRADE TRANSACT TONS
Wheat.
May. 81, 91@s, 9Ots, 911s.
July. S9A, S924. 50, S9A.
September, S8sa S91s, S83s, 8S12.
Corn.
May, 1875, 491a, 491s, 49A.
July, 5Ol4, soy. SOS, SOS
September, 81, 5lA. 81. SIS.
May. 81, 3114. 81, 315.
July, 3O24, 3115, 3O7s, 81.
September, 3O7s, 81, 3OA, 81.
Pork.
May, 1890, 1850. 1880, 1850.
July, 1915, 1870. 1915, 1865.
Lard.
May. 9O2, 9.12. 9.O2. 9.l2.
July. S.95, 9.07. S.97. 9.O5.
Ribs.
May. 9.42. 9.52, 9.42. 9.52.
July. S.97, 900. S.97. 9.O7.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1911-03-15
THE GRAIN MARKET,

Chicago, March 15.-Rains in the
northwest will break wheat, but de
clines are liable 10 be momentary.
Sentiment in all grains and products
is opposed TO continued pressure Run
of news on wheat and corn today is
largely bearish, but the trade is so Sc
verely saturated with bear stuff that
most of ii is ignored
Liverpool Grain.
Liverpool March 15.-Wheat market
opened easy and Is lower and during
the morning further declined u, with
offerings larger. Strength in America
yesterday was Offset by heaviness i'll
Buenos Aires. increasing pressure OF
Australian. and plate offers. and a poor
general demand, Reports from Russia
continue favorable, with weather a.
ports milder aud expectations of liberal
shipments from there. Cash markets
easy with Australian grade D.. lower
Al midday the market was dun and
easy. Is to a lower than yesterday