davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
AS They Say In Mexico.

Editor Lights and Shadows.-No,
no, senior; you have tell not the right
way to spik Juarez. 1t is not "Jewair-
e." and it is not "War-ez."
] is like h in your language.
U is like co.
A is like ah.
R is like end of tongue-wriggle lit
tie.
e is like al, or you can say like
alone"
"Hoo-ahr-rr-r-!-aiz."
Maybe like you say to some man.
Who are yez?" and you say ARE
pretty loud and wiggle 1t, and you say
all the sounds near tho others, and
quick. 81, senor?-Los Angeles Elk
press.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
A conflrmed Pesslmlst.

Appropos of Canadian reciprocity,
N. C. Goodwin said the other day at
the Lambs in New York;
But you can't rely on Senator
Blank. Blank is never satisfied. |
visited his ranch one day and he had
the finest crop l ever saw harvested.
81 knew, though, that Blank would
have something to complain about,
and. sure enough. when remarked,
This is a record crop, you lucky ras-
CALI Blank frowned and said:
Ives, but I'm afraid it's going to
he terrible strain on the land"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
"JUST FEMINIST THE HILL"
Little Pointer for Those Who Feel o
Desire to Seek the State OF
MatrImony.

The state Of Matrimony is one OF
the United States. 1t is bounded By
kissing and hugging on one side and
cradles and babies on the other. Its
chief products are population, broom
sticks and staying out at night. 1t
was discovered by Adam and Eve
while trying to find Northwest pas
sage out of Paradise. The climate is
sultry until you pass the tropics Of
housekeeping. when squally weather
commonly sets in with such power as
to keep all hands as cool as cueum-
bers. For the principal roads leading
to this interesting state, consult the
first pair of blue eyes you SEEK
change.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
A LARGE Topic.

Senator Newlands of Nevada was
soaring in debate one day, soaring so
high he "hit the ceiling" He realized
he was getting a trifie fowery, and, to
excuse himself, said:
Indeed, Mr. President, perfervid
oratory may be pardoned, for this
subject furnishes all the food elo-
quence needs"
That sounded pretty good to Mr..
Newlands, but he was bit abashed
when he read In the Congressional
Record next day that he asserted his
topic furnished all the food ele-
plants need "-Seattle Post-Intelli-
geneer.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Of common sense, laughter-maRng darling. But pr
all the types extant she is the to whom you can
really make love.
You say anything you like, anything you've
read, anything that in the cold light of day
utterly ridiculous and yet you cannot be foolish You
can, and must, hurl at her head-from your kneelin
position headlines quotations, but you cannot DO
more than kiss the Hem of Her robe. To her kiss
is Sacred Thing, only to be received and given when
she has Found Love.
And when she has found it, what then2 Why,
she leaves her pose behind her in the ancestral halls
and Immediately develops into a good wife and a
sound mother.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Crouch sam wien Him.

When Brown died he left an old
friend living, by the name Of Jones,
who always had a crouch. After
Brown had been In heaven some
time. he met Jones just coming
through the gate. and as the new
conner did not look as happy and con-
tented as he should, Brown asked him
what was the matter. WELL" Jones
said, 81 got my feet wet coming across
the river Styx and caught nasty
cold, broke my left wing and have to
carry 1t in a sling, and my halo don't
fit worth a darn"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
The masculine part of the world

The masculine part of the world is
kicking against the proposed new
fashion of tight trousers. Men with
fat legs object on the score of com
fort; men with thin legs object on the
score OF betrayal and men whose legs
give an optical demonstration of the
conclave. or convex revolt at being
made guys. But we will have to come
10 IL: unless we are so revolutionary
40 IN disregard the fashion.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Literal,

Agnes was being hurried of to bed
at her usual hour, p M, despite the
fact that there were guests in the
house.
"Why, Agnes, you go to bed with
the chickens, don't your" a visitor
sympathetically remarked.
mo, l don't" replied Agnes, re-
senting this reference to her youth Il
go to bed with mamma. "-Harpors
Magazine
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

1t is somewhat of an exaggeration to
say that women's gowns are becoming
more and more immodest. As matter Of
fact | think that most Of the fashions of
today are but modified copies of an older
period. Almost all of the present styles
are named after styles in vogue during the
reign Of Louis XIV.
That we are not exaggerating them
to the degree that the women of that period
did shows that women are gradually grow
ing more sensible.
The style of the figure has changed,
for one thing. The tiny waist is no longer
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Cruel and .Inhuman.

Il hear that Mrs. Cole, the wife of
the dentist, is suing him for divorce"
Eyes. Too bad that he treated her
that way, wasn't it,"
What did he dor
she had to have a tooth filled one
day, and when he got her into the
chair and gagged with one of those
rubebr contrivances, ne stood there
and talked at her all afternoon, re-
fusing to give her chance to answer
back"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

A fat mems club in New England
has discovered that few fat men are
criminals, and that most good-hearted
and right-minded men tend to take
on flesh, for they are naturally men
Of stout hearts.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

A Massachusetts alienist says that
everyone sometime in life is on the
verge of insanity. The smart ones
are those who manage to make this pc.
Rod connect with crime, SO as to get
the benefit of the latter with the for
mer as an excuse.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28


of the portculs and battlemented wall if with
appearing personal She carries herself for the most parou will
notice that ben very covery erect very Pompadoury
Good red hair and worth making fuss about
the deadd who generally has long, but unnoceab eeahe
enough put slight line CT artistic black beneath hem you
yourself the number Of sk for down
you will Co.
Now let to the redheadd type Let approach
her and anayze Let be chemists and forget The red
headed type general She forms the exception the rule Her
cent She be found however, dances
she invariably clothed art tnts She has penchant for lib
she makes aooness She s like
forty-cand power electric type under thick shade
Waly waly friend for the redheadd type has dhot tenn
Should her dignity be upset by the fraction of inch she will
things better left She does not quietly take
BRACE she gets the very dickens of temper But must that
she doesn't do this often.
She mostly She rather gdes in her small
circle throwing eeing crowd Of woper bearded and
scrapd She takes all that she get and nothing She is
unbroken round of good taste you follow
She talks periods about Love- always with big L. mind she
is At She hasn't got in her to be nsncere She
hasn't sufficient depth for that great gift She just silly redhadea
geeny queen handsome thing whom spend pmony
and receive no change
Every she according her. under her within
her without knowing what it She is
will if you hopey gone you not befrecked out
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
He Might Have Earned q Vote.

Little Johnnie stood gazing solemn
ly on the decrepit form of an old
countryman. Noticing the boys atten-
ton the old man asked: well, what
is 1t, SOM"
Say the inquisitive youngster
asked, did the politicians kiss you
when you was y7"-Success
Magazine.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

1t has been asserted that in the west
the cowboys are looked upon as comm on
workmen and that the western girls do not
notice them. That's what they say when
they are in the big cities, but if the people
could see them among the cowboys they
could see for themselves whether the west
ern girls regard them as common workmen.
| was a cowboy for IL years and have
had experience in the western states and
| also have been with the 101 ranch as one
of the expert bueking horse riders and ]
know the western girls from A to o.
Tho ,pesfarn oirla bovo - x,orI i,,.t a.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

l read in the papers the other day
pf a man who got divorce because
the woman he married was a pick
pocket. 1t seems to me that is es-
tablishing something of precedent.
What wife isn't?
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
a Great Invention.

The Peddler-This is little device
especially designed for use in our
spring weather.
The Housekeeper-What is 1t?
The Peddler-It may be used one
minute as fan and the next to shovel
off the snow,
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

A st. Louis woman left instructions
In her will that her dog should be shot,
and buried after her death. Thus do
we gradually climb up from the days
when men caused their wives to be
buried with them.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

The Marys of England are combin-
Ing for the purpose of buying Queen
Mary coronation gift. The Queen
stands a chance to get manicure
Bet or a photograph album.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

A minister in Washington state
reused the feminine population by
saying that women are worse liars
than men. He has no exceptions,
since the protests began TO come in,
that they are going to lie like ladies
In expressing their opinion of him.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
His Claim to Fame.

You say that hard-faced young fell
low over there is your most eminent
eitizen?"
He shore is. Mebbe you don't be-
lieve it, mister, but that there young
Teller took spring trainin' trip with
the Giants one year"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Word comes through the press that two
well-known and talented play people-man
and wife-haye agreed to separate for one
year and not to communicate with each
other during that time before deciding deli
nitely whether they will obtain a divorce.
Divorce among theatrical people is only
too common, and it has bad effect upon
that great profession.
1t would, indeed, be pity TO see this
couple legally separated, as they are both
capable Of great achievement in the theat.
rical world.
Tha;r ,,IoD af n yaar 70 so,,o.,t;o,, :; j..
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

An Evansville, Ind, widow has Just
annexed her ninth husband. Massa'
chusetts spinsters may be informed, II
they wish to have particulars. that she
Ls 70 years of age-and wealthy.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

A chicken in Ohio has swallowed q
5000 diamond ring and its owner re-
fuses to have the culprit killed. The
only way out of 1t is to set the chick
en- in a ring and wear 1t.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Girl students are smarter than
men" opines the president of Vassar
college But men made better foot
ball players, and what is a college
without a football team?
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

A Chicago lady wants divorce be-
cause her husband shut off her charge
account at the department stores. 1t
probably comes under the head Of
cruel and inhuman treatment.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Tit for rat.

Dear Clara" wrote the young man,
pardon me, but I'm getting so forget
full. / proposed to you last night, but
really forget whether you said yes or
no."
Dear WILL" she replied by note
so glad to hear from you. l know
said yes to some one last night, but
had forgotten just who 1t was. Red
Hen
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Poor Green.

Green's wife is a suffragette, isn't
she?"
Yes, and Green says he wouldn't
mind that so much II she didn't always
act as though 1t is his fault she can't
vote"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

A prominent railroad man says that
Europe leads the United States in the
number of railroad wrecks. She's
welcome to the prize for this line OF
endeavor.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Two French vaudeville critics re-
Gently fought duel. They should
have stuck to the pen, which in the
DRY at least is considered mightier.
anyhow.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Hopkins professors have discovered
that water is valuable anesthetic.
Before long someone may prove that
1t is equally good for drinking pur-
poses.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
VIM Daniel Was Unnamed.

Can any Of you tell me-" the Sun
day school teacher asked, why Dan
iel when he was cast into the den
with the lions, was unharmed?"
81 can, please" piped the juvenile
who always figures in this brand Of
anecdote.
"Well?"
"Cause, teacher, he belonged to
the show" -Everybody's Magazine.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Absent-Mlnded suffraqette.

One Of the Suffragettes-T've lost
me best hatpin, Lizzie.
Another-Where did you leave 1t
asst?
The First-Oh, l remember nowI
left 1t sticking In that policeman
London Opinion.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

No divorced woman or actress who
has married a peer will be presented
at the English court This IL very
hard on the actresses.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

There is no use in fighting the In
evitable. A prominent college is add
ing to its courses one to teach men
how to cook.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

The report that a German plumber
has been raised to the Prussian nobil-
lty by the kaiser leads us to believe
that some foreign correspondent has
been hitting the pipe.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

A woman of "a, living on Long ls-
land, saws her own wood. And no
body rebukes her for entrenching on
mans sphere of activities.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Out of Date,

81 am going to ask your father to-
night for your hand in marriage"
How dreadfu1ly old.fashioned you
are"
In what way?"
Don't ask him; tell him"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Now that DR.. Wiley has taken unto
himself a wife we are curious to know
whether she can make the pies that
mother used to make.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Milliners tell us that small hats will
be the fashion this year, but 1t Is not
likely that the prices will be any small
er than usual
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
SickIy Smile

Wipe it off your otherwise
good looking face-put ON that
good health smile that CAS-
cAREES will give you-as
a result from the cure OF
Constipation-ora torpid liver.
It's SO eGsy-do it-you'l1 see.
CASCARETS IOc . box for a waek.s
treatment. all druggists. Biggest seller
m the world. Million boxea q month
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

vassar college has celebrated her
aftieth birthday, and has silenced all
cynical critics by not claiming to be
q day younger than she really 10.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Full life exists In three dimensions,
art in two, and science in one; like 0
solid, a superficies, and a line.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Neiqhborly Comment.

What do you think of Mrs. Gam
mons idea of keeping Lent condi-
tons?
Judging from my experience of her,
I think Il is In never returning any
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Pittsburg woman wants divorce
because her husband treats her sister
too affectionately. Yes, younger Sis
ter; why ask superhous questions?
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Germany has ordered another Zeppe-
lin airship. Germany must have de-
cided to keep on trying until she gets
q good one.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Modern Methods.

my books are in very bad shape. y
said the high financier.
shall l send for an expert account
anti" inquired the confidential man.
mo. Send for an alienist. Wash
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
PHYSICAL WRECK RESTORED TO
HEALTH BY GREAT KID
NEY REMEDY

I feel It my duty to furnish you with
my testimonial as to what your remedy,
Swamp-Root, did for me when was q
physical wreck from kidney and bladder
trouble.
Some years ago was not able to do any
work and could only just creep around
and am satisfied that had it not been for
DR.. Kilmer's Swamp-Root would not
have lived. After using the preparation
for one month I was able to work some
and when I had used $500 worth Of
Swamp-Root could do good days work.
l used about $1,000 worth altogether and
would not take $4,000 for the good that IL
did me. / consider it God-send to suffer
ing humanity for the disease for which you
recommend it, and have recommended ii
to many sufferers.
81. L. HUGGINS,
WEIGH, Ark.
Personally appeared before me this Goth
of September, 1909, 81. l.. Higgins, who
subscribed the above statement and made
oath that the same is true in substance
and in fact.
Letter 10 W. "a AVE. " =.
Dr.. EIlner Co.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Good breeding is benevolence In
trifies, or the preference of others to
ourselves in the little daily occurrences
of life.-Chatham.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Debility

Felt by so many upon the return Of warm weather
ls due to the impure, impoverished devitallzed
condition of the blood which causes that tired
feeling and loss of appetite well as the ppIes'
bolIs and other eruptIons common at this season.
tits cured by the great constitutional remedy
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Fashion
of Dress
Follows
Natural
Law

By CAROLINE FIELDING

excessively low neck which the streets
longer at all
may seemingly be becoming immode just reaction
which have been previously but in reality the
just following the natural law of evolution which it
has since the history of dress began
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Cowboy
Talks of
w eSfern
Girls

hard the cowboys They do not have the eastern girls
And American girl marrying Indian think she
s would rather her him than her marry duke
lord with title
girls who spend vacation
the cities they respect cowboy gentleman and that
the girl Jealous because the cowboys attention to
them.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

We always like those who admire
us; we do not always like those whom
we admire.-Francis Duo de Roche
faucauld.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Why quarrel over religions when all
men agree-all men, that is. at the
same grade of intellect?
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

The liberia peach crop and the AL.
berta wheat crop are friendly rivals
and both are full of promise this year.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Hoods SarsaparilIa

which effects wonderful simply because contains sarsapa
but because combines the utmost remedial values more than twenty
different ingredients There real substitute for Hoods Spara
urged buy preparation said be u good may sure
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
A Decided Change.

Doctor-You certainly do look bet
ter. You must have followed my adj
vice and had a change.
Patient-Yes, doctor, have.
Doctor-Where did you go?
PATIENT went to another physi-
eian
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Garfield Tea assists overworked digestive
organs, corrects constipation, cleanses the
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

The proper time to do a thing is
when It should be done.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

DIR. Fierce's Pleasant Pellets regulate
and invigorate stomach, liver and bowels.
Sugar-coated, tiny granules, easy to take
a. candy.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

A plumber has become a Prussian
lord, and the ice men of Berlin are
Jealous.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Mrs.. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces inHamma-
ton, allAys pain, cares wind collie, CSC bottle.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Take Garfield Tea to overcome constipa-
ton. cleanse system and maintain health.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Edison has just lost a 35-year-old
suit 1t ought to be out of style by
this time, anyhow.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

When the beehive is ready there
will be plenty of bees to make honey.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

It is possible to buy cement house
With a roof garden for $4,000. We sup
pose the cellar would be extra.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

The Gear of Russia has bought
newspaper. Now, he'll get acquainted
with some real troubles.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
important 70 Notheya
chIiIsone,

chlllsome.
Il once proposed to a girl in a
conservatory"
with what result?"
"A lot of expensive plants we're nipt
by frost."-Wasbingto Herald.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

Envy is furnishing ourselves for be-
ing inferior to our neighbor.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Letter 70
Or. KIlmer 4 Co.
nInghamton, n. 7.
Prove What Swamp-RoOt win Do For You

Prove What Swamp-RoOt win Do For You
Send to DR.. Kilmer & Co., Bingham
ton, N. Y, for sample bottle. It will
convince anyone. You win also receive
a booklet Of valuable information, telling
all about the kidneys and bladder. When
writing, be sure and mention this paper.
For sale at all drug stores. Price fifty
cents and one-dollar.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

wiser than making hasy retreat to divorce mill
couples who have their troubles should the years separation
plan before making a raid on the divorce
many would change their minds before year expired
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28
Red
Haired
Dealing GinGerly
With Auburn 81
Haired Women
BY THuRDE RAYLE BRUCE

DEALING with the redheaded type of must walk
gngery In regard her should like to make free with
little known but exquisite French proverb. Skipping that
however, will say the redheaded type carries the danger sig
nal Like the ubiquitous and expensive red taxica she is not
infrequenty -and feel that that is putting it wel-of
queenly disposition Mostly she has green eyes, of contra
dctoy cold She does this red hair of hers in
OLE There about her Of the DID, glad mad days
of wall IL / with
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1911-04-28

The western girls have to work Just al