The Washington herald., 1911-12-10
DINNER
UNIQUE FEAST
Continued from Page One.

the order of business?
| gConners-I object. We distinguished
ljurists are tired of order. What we are
after is the disorder of business.
Stubbs-What are the qualifications for
a seat on this bench?
Murphy-Bugs. ..- -
Gomperso.I suppose our motto will be
"Justitia fiat.
CoughIin-Tt will not. 1t will be PAY
as you enter.
Then the first case was called. 1t was
| THE United States against the Sugar
Trust" The attorney representing the
trust began to call attention to the law
when he was rudely interrupted by the
chief justice, who informed him that the
court made its own laws. When he un-
dertook to mention the Constitution. the
chief justice told him to quit making
jokes or he would be given thirty days
for contempt. Then the dialogue con-
tinued, each lire being greeted with
laugh.
More Irreverent Dialogue.
Chief Justice-See here, young fellow,
you quit cracking jokes In this court or
| you will get thirty days for contempt.
Who appears for the government?
Attorney General Wickersham-I do.
Gompers-Hold on there. Have you got
Wickersham-No 1 thought this was
an open shop. The sugar trust is
combination for short weight and high
Debs-GuiIty. Pull the combination
apart, and send ]. Pierpont Morgan to
Attorney GeneraI-Mr. Morgan doesn't
own the sugar trust
Debs-Weil, that amt his fault. The
sentence goes.
Chief Justice Ito Attorney GeneraD-
Who is the next victim?
Attorney General-The steel trust.
Chief Justice-What has IT done?
Attorney General-Gold brfcked T. r.
Mr. Justice Roosevelt-Hold on there!
They didn't, gold brick me: ] was work.
ing that side OF the street myself.
Mr.. Justice Aldrich-I desire to concur.
Chief Justice-Well, let's take a vote
on it. All those who concur. with Mr..
Justice Roosevelt will say aye.
Roosevelt and Aldrich-Aye.
Chief Justice-Those who dissent say
nay.
Balance of the court, rising up and
shaking both fists-Nay.
Justice Roosevelt-By Godfrey, beaten
to a fraZZle,
Chief Justice-It is the Judgment OF the
court that Mr.; E. H; Gary be SENTENCED fit 20
parliamentary language, with the Attor-
ney General. Next!
Attorney-I ask an injunction against
w J. Bryan to keep him from running
for President again.
Justice Aldrich-Oh. let him run; what
difference does il make?
Attorney-I ask a mandamus to compel
Andrew Carnegie to give away his money
without advertising II.
Justice Conners-Mandamus refused.
Then he wouldn't give away any.
Justice Stubbs-I move we enjOin the
Outlook.
Justice Gompers-what has the Out
Justice Stubbs-The contributing editor
calls Turly Lural Tories
Chief Justice-What's that?
Stubbs-Ruly tural tories.
Justice GOmpers-That's loose majesty.
All editors except myself must respect
the courts.
Mr.. Justice Roosevelt dissenting. and
will make the injunction temporary, as
a warning to the contributing editor. He
may reverse himself.
Business Before the Court.
When Justice Fingy Conners" moved
to dissolve the tobacco trust, the chief
justice at once assented. Pass the Ci-
gars," he said. And then. when the dis
solution of the whisky trust was suggest
ed there was no objection. Pass the
bottle said the court. Other business
before the court was thus related:
Attorney General Wfckersham-I ask
for an injunction to restrain Champ Clark
from anneXing Canada.
Justice Ruef-Why not reCiprocate by
inviting Canada to annex Champ Clark?
Justice AldriCh-The Morgan-Guggen-
helm syndicate asks for a writ directing
the Secretary of the Interior to issue a
patent for two acres Of coal land in
Alaska, being all that they haven't al
ready filed yet.
Chief Justice-Denied. Them two acres
is needed for public development.
Attorney-I have Il petition praying that
the Taft boomers be restrained from
wrestling the Presidential nomination from
Justice Hinky Dink-Petition denied. It's
no crime to take candy from a child.
Justice Conners-In behalf of certain
food and drug adulterators, ] ask for a
ruling whether DR.. Wiley can or cannot
be removed.
Justice Roosevelt-The affix 'Irremova-
BILE" applies to only one man in this gov
ernment-James Wilson. Secretary Of Ag-
riCulture. l speak from personal eXpe-
rience.
When it came to passing upon the
question whether Congress was an un-
necessary nuisance, there was much dis
cussion, in the midst of which the court
was summarily recalled and compelled to
adjourn. its exit being accompanied by
loud applause. AS can be imagined, the
dialogue was greatly enjoyed.
4 MODERN BARBARA FRIETCHIE
The burlesque on Barbara Frietchie'
was one of the cleverest stunts ever
put on by the club.
By way of introducing the perform
ance, President Garthe was asked wheth-
er the other President sitting by him be-
lieved in Barbara Frietchie.
THE other President says" was the re-
sponse, that after seeing Frederick, its
roads. and the rest Of It, .he is ready to
believe in anything"
In a resonant voice a member Of the
club began the recitation of a poem, as
follows:
Up from the Clubs rich with Rye and
Clearly approaching cold December
morn,
The clustered politics of Washington sits
Walled in by Gridirons to give them fits.
Round the tables are officers fair:
President and Congress, all are there.
Look them over. you Insurgent horde,
And take them all II you have the sword.
Many flags with the stsndpat sign;
Many flags on the Republican Line,
FIapped in the wind with never a sag,
And then came a day; and where was a
flag?
Guests in the Spotlight.
While the poem was being recited the
room was dark. At the reference to the
President and Congress a spotlight was
ingeniously turned upon Mr.. Taft, Speaker
Clark, and Mr.. Cannon while at the
words 'standpat sign," the CLEAN fell
upon a banner bearing the words Stand
Pat" THE Republican Line" was per-
sonified by the President.
up rose old Barbara Cannon then"
As the words were spoken the spotlight
flashed upon Cannon and then upon a
member OF the club in the balcony, dress
ed in feminine garb and with his face
IL .-,gN L. T..