The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1911-04-12
WEDNESDAY FATAL
TO GRAMOMOTHERS
Office Boys All Over Land to
Have Annual Lie for
Their Employers.
BIG LEAGUES TO OPEN
Hoarse Below of the Jumps"
"Play Ball. Will Echo
Over the Land.

Today the greatest event in the an
nual sporting calendar will take place
the frst game of the major league
baseball season. To the uninitiated.
lukewarm and purblind reader. this
announcement IL of no special signi-
Acance. but to the dyed-in-the-w wool
raging, rampant. ring-tailed fan. the
millions of masculine maniacs, who
yearly toss AZ cany perfectly good
straw "Kellys" high in the air under
stress OF great excitement II rivals In
importance the assassination OF the
president, a declaration proclamation
of war. or the announcement that
John ID is a candidate for chief exec
utive Of the United States on the So.
cialist ticket. II means the democratic
hobnobbing OF bootblacks and bank
ers. bartenders and brokers'; the Wis
ual appearance Of small boys idols;
and a liberal interchange of the cur
rency OF the realm.
hut the opening OF the baseball sea-
son has still another. deeper. darker
side--a side which brings sorrow to
thousands Of happy homes. makes pre-
varicators OF hitherto perfectly honest
men. and causes dcarth Of Office
boys which threatens to bring the bus
incss Of the nation to a standstill-tO-
wit. the death of grandmothers. This
summers loss of the dear old ladies
has long been viewed as season
which. during the open months. rivals
the yearly slaughter of other game.
In fact SO great has been the alleged
death of superannuated females that
thority. that something like 10000. 900
succumb annually to the rigors of our
summers.
Your Only Real Mug.
Then there Is the bug" whose
hedgehog Ia the home team. This
man starts his spring with the exod-
us Of the clubs for the south and gra-
dually sheds garment after garment
as they work north. Today he will
appear on his way to the opening
game without any overcoat. possibly
with his coat unbuttoned. but always
showing six symetrical stogies, which
retail ut a half dozen for quarter.
and will swear by all that he holds
sacred that summer is here.
Still another victim Of that puzzling
disease "fanitis" Ia the soary octo-
genarian who jostles you on the car.
begs your pardon In quavering tones.
and straightway launches into a dis
a tv~u 81 he las S,,n a.
OF the teams Of yesteryear and those
Of today. This ancient bug" usually
remembers the day the game was in
vented. familiarly calls by name the
man who frst improved horsehide by
surrounding ball with II and will II
properly approached. permit you to
feel his biceps. and pull that Sinbad
stun about the time he used to bounce
the pill OF the back fence with such
regularity that they had to shift 1t a
half mile.
the once bound. hard working mar
ried person whose only acquaintance
with the game Is through newspaper
reports. The man who will look visit
fully out of the ONCE window. hands
In pockets. and pen behind ear. and
wonder "how the games goin'." The
man who will go home to his family.
bale his quota of fodder and lose him.
self In the sporting page. until brought
to know "What he sees in that old
baseball anyway" and who will then
retire for the night and dream Of the
happy days when fifty cents wasn't
such a great amount and he could &C.
casionally kill relative and see a
game.
But aside from all these queer
queer kinks and turns of human ma.
ture that the season will disclose
there Ia the vast army of
"fans." not "bugs"--you understand
IA bug Is a parasite, manaic. and
q pest. but ''fans"--men women and
children. rich. wcll.todo and poor
who. mt work or at play. awake or
asleep. at home or harvest. eat sleep,
think and talk. love baseball. The
fans whose money contributes to the
life OF baseball. whose interest makes
II profitable. and whose allegiance to
the home team" creates that spirit OF
rivalry without which money and In
tcrest would be Of no avail-these are
the people to whom the announce
ment that the major league season
opens today means the most.
Where Teams Play.
The opening OF the season presents
the worlds champion Athletics AT
home In the Quaker City. with the
rejuvenated Highlanders furnishing
the competition. Connie Mack has pre-
served his 1910 combination and has
also secured several recruits who
show promise Of developing into live
~ ball tosserS. The team will be
stronger than the band that copied
the big series. ~ ''Rube" Oldring. who
was laid up ut that time. will be bach
In center field. The greatest change
IN the appearance Of the Yankees IL
caused by the acQuiaition Of Roy Hart
sell from the St. Louis Browns. and
he 10 down to play short unless Chase
makes another Of his famed eleventh
hour changes OF mind.
The Cubs. practically . new team "a
far ~ the in6sld - concerned. and
AT ~