davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
Speech Ochiltree Didn't Make

stood out like a fiery bristle. He was moon-taced man, while Belford had thin, hatchet-like features. The cor her of the house in which they sat was sometimes designated as the place of the burning bush"
 Tom" said one of his friends, who met him one night at Chamberlain S. then the most frequented restaurant In Washington, when are you going to make your first speech?"
 When have something 10 say" Ochiltree replied. q didn't come here to hear myself talk"
 A few evenings later, Ochiltree met the same friend at the sane resort and said: 'I am going to make a speech pretty soon. and l know that it will be heard not only in. but out of congress-
 What are you going to talk about Tom?' the friend asked.
 "l am going to rise to a question of personal privilege. Then am going to ask he speaker whether the house of representatives is going to play second fiddle to a damned little clerk in the treasury department"
 Whats the matter. Tom?" his friend asked.
 Well, l went to the sergeantat- arms office to get my months pay; just at this time it would come in
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
Noted Texan Was Prepared to Protest Against the Holding Up of His Pay But House Came to His
 Rescue.

His friends used to call the late Tom Ochiltree, congressman from the Galveston (Tex) district in the early eighties, Thomas Porterhouse Ochil- tree, but that middle name was face tious, probably due to the fact that Tom Ochiltree was regarded in his day as the best judge of good beef steak to be found in Washington To- day Tom Ochiltree is almost forgotten, but for nearly twenty years he was a national character He was a man who attracted attention wherever he went, and on meeting him for the first time one could not avoid admitting to himself; Here is one of the most astonishing personalities l have ever seen."
 Notwithstanding peculiar and in dividual philosophy of expression, Ochiltree was one of the wittiest. kindliest, most sympathetic and most original of men. When General Grant was president, he met the Texan, who at that time was living in or near Gal weston. The originality of the man, the quaintness of his thought and ex- pression and the magnetism of man. her, which was almost hypnotic in it's effect upon many persons gained for Ochiltree the friendship of the pres1- dent. At the first opportunity General Grant appointed him United States marshal for the southern district of Texas.
 In the early eighties the Galveston district was still Republican. The party nominated and elected Tom Ochiltree to congress because Ochil- tree had an unusual gift for getting anything his constituents wanted, and not as a joke, as the matter was re- garded in some quarters. His seat in the house of representatives was almost directly behind that of Judge James B., Belford of Colorado, him self most eccentric personality but, like Ochiltree, man of strong com mon sense. Both men were distin- guished for hair that was fiery red. Belford's beard was also of that hue. Ochiltree wore no beard, but had a mustache in which each indidual hair
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
Marrying for Her Money

won the lady staked him to the price of the marriage license. It wasn't altogether altruism on their part. They fully believed that when Mike came into possession of his country brides little money he would repay them. But Mike disappeared They kept their eyes open for him. but be was not to be found. Until the other day one of the fraternity located Mick behind the counter of a newsstand far up in the Bronx The country wife was there, too, handling all the money, making change, bossing Mike about and kidding the customers. Mikes part in the sketch was that of scene shifter.
 "Chee," said the discoyerers "whyn't youse come down town some night and see duh bunch?"
 q will" said Mike, his face lighting up with new hope Hey, Name. wen can I go down town some night and see duh bunch?"
 Never" said Name, with finality.
 Well. fellers," said Mike, heavily. so long. got to be gittn' to woik.-
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
Accent Is Beyond Him.

The only real blot on my visit to Glasgow is my total inability to speak with a Scottish accent. l rather pride myself as most people do, on my vo- cal initiative faculties; but I confess to all the world here and now that I cannot initiate the Scottish accent
 My Irish is beautiful; it would make all Dublin weep. My American is quite good; I could nearly always get anything that I wanted in the shops if 1 had the money. Anybody can talk Welsh who cares to substitute '.p'' for "b" and ''f'' for "" But the Scottish accent eludes me.
 Sometimes I speak a little Scottish, tentatively, to the policemen or the tram conductors or the shopkeepers. The policemen draw their slaves, the tram conductors stop their trans, and the shopkeepers put up their shut ters. I am not quite sure, but I rather think that I shall abandon the un- equal struggle.-London Sketch.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

carries the patents away when ad- Vancing years makes it necessary for them to lay the burdens down. We are building up a peasantry Git sounds hard to call it that which promises trouble in the future and raises the question whether we are not establish ing here in the central west the con ditions that have been the curse of Ireland for three hundred years. The result of this condition is that the soil is losing it's fertility; the farm is be- coming foul; noXious weeds gre grow ing; the landlord squeezes the tenant for all the rent that is in sight and the tenant takes it out of the farm; he cannot afford for the short lease of one or two years to buy fertilizers;
 he must simply rob the soil for all he can get and turn it over to his sue cessor in worse condition than he found it. He cannot go into stock farming on short land tenures, so he must be what is known as grain farmer, and this takes the life out of the soil. The greatest economic men, ace of the world today, bar nothing, is the depletion of soil fertility, and this will go on as tenantry increases.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
NEW NEWS a OF IFS TEPL>AN
 .AVE. % EaxNV%x1~

rather handy. But the sergeant-at- arms told me that he hadn't any money for me. l wanted to know why, and he told me I would have to see some clerk down in the treasury de- partment; that he was powerless; he hadn't got the money.
 So | went on a tour of investiga- ton and located that little clerk, who informed me that my accounts as United States marshal in Texas hadn't been made good, that there was a deficit, and that he was holding back my pay as congressman until that deficit was squared up. l made some remarks to him. Now, tomorrow am going to ask the speaker whether little two-cent clerk in the treasury department can hold up the pay from a member of congress"
 But the next day Tom Ochiltree did not make the speech. It was not nee essary. Just as he expected, the house of representatives overnight had become greatly stirred up by report that a treasury clerk was holding up the pay of a member of congress.
 If Tom Ochiltree owes the govern ment money, let the government sue for it." his fellow members declared. We won't have a clerk in the treas ury department interfering with our rights and privileges" At once they iammed the necessary resolution through, and in a short time Tom Ochiltree got his money without mak- ing his speech.
 Rights Reserved.)
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
Ricardo'S Reply.

Professor Nichols, a famous phy- sieist, during the recitation of fresh man class in natural philosophy, ob- served a tall, lanky youth in the rear seat, his head in a recumbent posi- tion, his body in a languid pose. his eyes half closed, and his legs extend ed far out. He was either asleep or about to lose consciousness.
 MT. Ricardo" said the great scien- tist, you may recite.
 The freshman opened his eyes slow Iy. He did not change his somnolent pose
 MT. Ricardo, what is work?"
 Everything is work. was the drawling reply.
 What Everything is work?"
 "Yes, sir"
 Then take 1t you would like the class to believe that this desk is work?"
 Yes. sir." replied the youth. wear lily; 'woodw ork."
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Thus we see few of the very many drawbacks that are directly and in- directly due to bad roads, and we may add to the list, as stated by the de- partment of agriculture, that the cost of moving farm products to the market and getting supplies back to the farm over bad highways causes an extra expense of at least $3.50 per person per year over and above what it would cost to perform the same service over roads that are uniformly good. One of the great world questions is that of good roads, and the sooner the people wake up to the fact the faster and surer will our progress be toward higher and better things.
 There is a widespread clamor for a parcel post and strong influences are al work to get the federal government committed to it. The indications are that it will be tried out on a moderate scale Whether the parcel post will prove a blessing or otherwise is an open question, and one we will not at this time discuss We may say, how ever, that any attempt at the parcel posyH that contemplates extending the service to the rural mail routes will prove a disappointment. The condi- tions of the public roads are such that for weeks at a time it would be physi- cally impossible to make delivery. The carriers are taxed now to the limit.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
BAD ROADS BURDEN
ONWARD MARCH OF PROGRESS IS RETARDED 3Y MISERABLE
 HIGHWAYS.
BIG HANDICAP TO PEOPLE
Costs Much More to Haul Produce Over Bad Roads Than It Does Over c>od Roads-Effect of Good Roads on Social Life.
aY HOWARD H. GROSS.

When one makes study Of this great subject and sees in how many ways th4s march of progress is re- tarded by miserable highways the country over, and realizes what burden this handicap places upon the people, it is surprising that the whole population does not rise as one man and demand that the highway condi- tionB shall be improved to the standard required for the twentieth century.
 Road advocates have shown for years and years how much more it costs to haul produce over bad roads than it does over good ones: how with good roads the farmer can market his produce at any time he desires to do so and take advantage of market con ditions and get the most for what he has to sell
 Bad roads are a serious handicap to social conditions, and sometimes for weeks at a time dwellers in the farm home are marooned by stretches of impossible roads. They cannot get aut to see anybody and nobody can get to see them. The town that is five miles away might as well be twice that We know that man is a sociable thing-it is part of his nature-he can only grow and develop by meeting his fellow men-touching elbows-and by social and business intercourse.
 We know that bad reads have been responsible in a very large degree for driving the young people from the farms 10 the cities. The census for the last thirty years has shown an ever increasing drift of the best brains and blood of the farm to the city. This is true notwithstanding that there is no better business in the world than farming, if it i done along up-to-date, progressive lines. It renders a surer and larger return than anything else in the worlds work, yet the fact re- mains that the boy is not satisfied with farm life. With good roads, so he could get out whenever he desired to with his best buggy and girl or perhaps an automobile, country life would take on an entirely different aspect.
 The handicap of the bad road is cer- tainly heavy one and is farreaching Education has suffered greatly by req son of it, The country schools are little. if any, better than they were forty years ago. It is an open question whether they are as good. The wages paid the teachers are small. The number of pupils is very limited something's three or four-often not over 6oZen or fifteen. There is no school spirit; there is no anything but dreariness and drudgery with little progress toward education. When the boy and girl get old enough to realize this condition and the parents see 1t,
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
Mike, Glly Thought He Would Live in Leisure After He Married the
 Country Girl.

Down at the newsboys' lodging house they feel that the joke is on Mike Gilly, says the New York corre- spondent of the Cincinnati Times-Star. Thousands of homeless toys are shel- tered in this lodging house every year. The average lodger Is always fiat bust" He makes enough to pay his way, and he doesn't bother about mak- ing more That was Mike Gilly's fix. only more so. He didn't really care whether he made enough to pay his way. He had reduced elegant leisure to an exact science. And then, three months ago, he became acquainted with a girl from the country She's got some coin, fellers,' MT. Gilly an- nounced If I make flash, see. I can marry her. Come troo wit few bones and help me out"
 So his friends in tLe lodging house made nurse for Mike. They rigged him out in new clothes, and when be
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

there is nothing to do but send Johnny where the schools are better and where there is an opportunity getting the rudiments of an education, and while Johnny and Lizzie are picking up an educa tion under town conditions they are getting the town microbe along with the education. They form friendships and become part of the so cial life Of the school they are not willing to go back upon the farm with its dreariness and isolation. No one ought to blame them for this, in fact they are to be commended in many instances. The country lass and youth must have the social life that natures demand. This sociological fact must he reckoned with.
 The National Educational commis- sion, made up of eminent educators, thoroughly familiar with our condi- tions, has been studying this subject for jong time, and it says that the solution is only to be found in the consolidated township school, where instead of eight or ten isolated school houses, placed at intervals at the cross roads throughout the township-bleak, dreary and uninyiting-there should be one central graded school at the most convenient central point. and pro- visions made to take the children to and from the school. Good roads are
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
Electric Mules for Panama

this curious towpath, powerful electric locomotives will draw the largest ships smoothly and swiftly across the continent A steamer of, say 20,O0O tons, which the canal will readily accommodate, is obviously very heavy burden, and the electric loco motives will be geared to the tracks by a middle rail in the form of rack. The canal commission has ad- vertised for 2,000.0O0 pounds of steel ties, slots and covers and 100000 pounds of steel channels, This rack railway will be built by the commits
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

If he starts out with fifty pounds over bad roads it is a heavier burden than five times the weight over a good road Given the parcel post in full swing and without doubt the weight the car what it is now. Any one familiar with conditions will say that without good permanent highways the delivery of packages over rural routes will be a physical impossibility The first thing to strive for is good roads; let the parcel post come later.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
for Drawing Ships From Ocean to Ocean.

The first shipment of steel has been made from New York for building unique electric railway along the Pan anna canal for drawing great ships from ocean to ocean. The enormous volume of shipping across the isthmus will be drawn on the ancient towpath system, so that it will be unnecessary for steamers to proceed under their own steam. In place of the mules. on
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
GOOD ROADS IN NORTHWEST
Washington State Alive to the Im- portance of Having Service
 able Highways.

The northwest is alive to the value of good roads. In a recent issue of the Seattle (Wash) Intelligencer the statement is made that before the summer is over Seattle and Tacoma will be connected by first-elass ma cadamized highway. In King county, of which Seattle is the seat, there will be S320,00O available, including state aid, for road improvement this
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
CornicaI Incident That Occurred When the "TaII Sycamore of the Wa bash" Was Campaigning for
 "BIue Jeans" Williams.

The survivors in the state of h. diana of the exciting political cam paigns in which Oliver P Morton, war governor of Indiana and Republican United States senator; Joseph E. Me Donald, United States Senator;
 Thomas A Hendricks, twice candi- date for vice-president of the United States and once elected, and Benja- min Harrison were among the great campaigners and political managers speak, after all. with the greatest reminiscent interest of the campaign
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

The Arkansas man who married a girl he had never met until he pro posed to her to win wager has come to the conclusion that marriage is no joke. But, then. many who we'd in a less coldblooded and more leisurely way have come to a like conclusion.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
SiIver-EYed Beefsteak.

The London cop calls his half-pen- ny herring his silved-eyed beefsteak and there are hundreds cooking every minute in London town where one is eaten here. Any time of the year a big part of this city would profit by eating fish for a spell instead of beef With no open air exercise beef is heap harder than fish for the body to get rid of, because there is 6 good deal mere water in fish than in beef or pork. Fish are fat or lean. Eel. sal mon, herring are more than five per cent. grease Halibut and mackerel are two to five per cent. fat; cod, whiting haddock even less than two per cent.-New York Press
 sion, and will be in working order in less than two years, in time for the
 II.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

The Cleveland chief of police has decided that young men may put their arms around girls in the parks of that city this year. but kissing will be pro. hibited. We suppose the chief has satisfied himself that germs are moi communicated by hugging.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
Sad. but True,

Willis-So your military school wasn't a success?
 Gillis-No; none of the pupils could stay on a horse long enough to have their photographs taken for the ad- yertisements of the school-Judge
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

a surgical operation of an abnormal desire to play the piano. Other per sistent piano players should consult specialists.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

It is stated that Boston Is to have a hospital for the rich. Still, the man of sense, whether rich or poor, would prefer to stay outside of even the most gilded of hospitals.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

year. Much of this will be spent on a trunk line destined to connect Seat tie and Everett. From Everett to Tacoma an improved road is a mat ter of the near future This road work is part of a general plan to build southern boundary of Washington, which in turn will become part of a highway from the Great Lakes to the ocean. through the northern tier of state, and this will connect with an other trunk line from British Columbia down the coast to MeXico-a dream of that wide-awake country that is certain to be realized in the next few wears
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Two million trees have been plant ed in Kansas this year. Good When Kansas gets sufficient number of shade trees 1t may become easier for her to find harvest hands.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

anias died of heart failure and not of prevarication will probably tell us that Baron Munchausen was an honest man.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Mirrors installed ill street car plat forms, instead of inducing women to lalight properly. might prevent them from alighting at all.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

It is now claimed that Ananias died of heart failure. Somebody probably told him about the club that was to be named in his honor.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Few people enjoy run on a bank, but a run on the bank of swimmin' hole is popular pastime these days
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

One way to keep cool and at the same time mirthful is to go down into the basemen and look at the furnace
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Vassar college announces its if tieth birthday. but none of the grad uates admit that they were in at tho beginning.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

A Chicago clergyman declares that the tree is mans best friend. It is certainly great convenience in field where there is a cross bull
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

And apropos of the present situa. tion, not even the most experienced weather sharps can predict accurate, " how the lightning is going to strike.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Some married men don't seem to ac- complish any more now than they did when women wore 22 buttons down the back
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Even the old oaken bucket Is un- der the ban these days. Health is worth a whole lot more than senti- ment.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

One mad dog can cause more ex- citment in a community than a thou sand that are safe and sane.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

A Chicago woman. suing for divorce, says that she won her husband on a bet. And now she's trying to welch ,on the deal
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
Worth rhinkinu About.

Eve-Adam, want you to remem. Der one thing.
 Adam-What's that?
 Eve-Thst when l am looking the eyes of half the world are upon you.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Likewise, we are advised to swat the tussock moth Of course we all know what a tussock moth is
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

The big cotton crop is likely to help make woo,en goods cheaper by low ering the price of cotton to mix with the "all-wool" fabrics.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

by the court to kiss his wife at least once a day. Serves him right.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Before going too far let us reflect upon the fact that abolishing war would soon leave us without colonels.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

A large per cent. of the marriages turn out happier than the gossips i'm agine they will.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Fathers, teach your boys how to swim-if you have to learn first your selves
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

~Overwork." says a physician. 'is the curse of the day" True. but what is a man going to do when he needs the money?
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

There's another advantage that ac- crues to a highbrow-his straw hat stays on ill a gale.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

An Indiana minister died from the effects of being bitten by a catfish. Let's have the catfish muZzled
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

New York contemplates having Its policemen wear Red Cross badges Better make them double-cross badges
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Porch sleeping is regaining popu- iarity. It is all right until the early milk man begins to arrive.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Most Americans eat too much" !" opines a New York physician. Like wise. some physicians talk too much.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

The pistol in the house generally gets somebody into trouble sooner or later.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Properly muzzled cogs are biting very few persons this season.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14
Idle Like tie r @ad.

Jeremy Taylor writes that "an idle person Is the same as dead person: both are merely passing the time"
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Persons who don't like to have their pictures taken usually show it in the photograph
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

been increased from 435 to 4SS vibra- tions. More misery.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

In the case of hot wave it is pleas ant to speed the parting guest.
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

To be certain of finding buried treas ure. dig in your vegetable garden
The Green Forest tribune., 1911-07-14

Sunday fun too often ends in a fu- neral