Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-07-23
NATIONAL TOPLINERS
BY JAMES HAY, JR.

this story in Mr.. Nelson's presence:
There is intense rivalry between the Twin
Cities and each one watches with interest
any move made by the other for civic better
ment. A movement was on foot in Min
neapolis to introduce the Bible as textbook
in the public schools. The vote by the
school board, with one member absent, re-
suited in tie, and the absentee, whom we
shall call Yanson was requested to attend
the meeting and vote.
al don know dot Pible pook,' said Yam
son to the board "but | buy him on Vens-
day, und on Saturday | tell you vether he
is good pook for dem school.
On Saturday he showed up at the meeting
of the board and laid on the table bulky
Bible.
al buy dem pook on Vensday," he an
nounced fercely, "und | read him twice.
Dem pook bane rotten. Always he hass
Something's to say about Saint Paul, und he
nefer vunce say not 'ings about Mime
apolis. Cut him out"
ZACH McGHEE, journalist, novelist, and
- traveller, was discussing with Speaker
Cannon the iniquties of the present tariff
law
"Why, this tariff robs everybody!' ex-
claimed McGhee, who had not made much
clothes A good suit in this country costs
thirty-five or forty dollars This one I'm
wearing now | got in London. Look at it!
Look at it, and tell me what you think it
cost"
The Speaker felt the texture of the cloth,
surveyed the general effect with great care,
and then said, 81 couldn't say what it cost.
Tell me-"
Twelve dollars answered McGhee
proudly.
"Twelve dollars!7 repeated Cannon in as
constituent. Twelve dollars for that? Well,
you're the worst cheated man | ever saw"
D REPRESENTATIVE JAMES T. Nc
~ DERMOTT of Chicago was first a
messenger boy, and then a telegraph opera
tor until he was elected to the national House.
He has been in Congress two terms.
A TTORNEY GENERAL WICKER
n SHAM says he knows the most absent
minded man in the world. Mr.. Wickersham
became acquainted with him on fishing
trip in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia
and found him a scholarly, delightful COM
panion.
One morning the old man called one of his
servants and, after giving instructions about
several matters affecting the farm, said
solemnly, "When you've finished that, take
this bottle over to the store and bring me
a CocOanut in it"
WTHEN Senator Bob Taylor was Gov
w ernor of Tennessee, he issued great
many pardons to men and women confined
in penitentiarieS or jails in that State. His
reputation as a "pardonlng Governor" re-
suited in his being besieged by everybody
who had relative incarcerated. One morn
ing an old negro woman made her way into
the executive offices and asked Taylor to
pardon her husband, who was in Jail.
"What's he in for?' asked the Governor.
90 nothin but stealth a ham," ex-
planned the wife.
"You don't want me to pardon him,
argued the Governor. "If he got out, he
would only make trouble for you again.
"'Deed does want him out OBJ dat place."
she objected. Il needs dat man"
"Why do you need him?' inquired Taylor
patiently.
"Me an de chilun, she said seriously,
"needs another ham,"
CHARLES NAGEL, Secretary of Com
~ merce and Labor, says the Irish race
has, in addition to its sentiment and ro
nance, lot of philosophy as one OF its
characteristics.
"'Tha hect illustration 7 ever heard Of