davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1911-05-27
Foolish.

81 am going TO ask your father
tonight for your hand in marriage"
How dreadfully old fashioned you
are"
In what wav""
Don't ask him: tell him"
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1911-05-27

are generally coiored blue. Tho front
and back Of tho dress IL adorned with
these cutout pieces of nsh skin sswsd
with nsh skin thread.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1911-05-27


Science consisting particles
. n amstsr
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1911-05-27

Unique among hybrids is the fowl
that has been reared by q Mrs. Rey-
nolds Of Beeston Regis. sheringham.
England. 1t il cross between a
swan and goose and 10 proving Of
great interest to ornithologists. The
father of the bird was q swan. The
name "swoose" has been suggested
for the curious hybrid.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1911-05-27
DENVER DIRECTORY

BON l. I0f GTa,Ss II si' hln n,os 81 Mhn
log mailed free. cor 18TH q Rink- Denver
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1911-05-27

To remove nicotine from the teeth and
purify the breath after smoking.
To eradicate perspiration and body
odors by sponge bathing.
The best antiseptic wash known.
Relieves and strengthens tired, weak,
intiamedeyes. Heals sorethroat. wonnds
and cuts rs and so cts. box. druggists
or by mail postpaid. Sample Free.
the PAXTON TOIlET CO. ,8osron. MAss'
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1911-05-27
Instead Of Liquid
Antiseptlcs~ Peroxide
100000 people last year used
Paxtine Toilet kntiseptic

The new toilet germicide powder to be
dissolved in water as needed.
For all toilet and hygienic uses it Ii
halter and more economical.
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

We had anuthir ride In pops Ger
man awtomobeel today. Ma sed sne
nevir herd OF a German awtomobeel.
but pop said that don't prove eny-
thing.
For hevins sakes be kareful, sed ma,
we had to wawk hoem aftir the ma
shine had ony went blocks the othir
day and If 1 thawt 1t wood stop In
the middle of the kar tracks agen 1
woodent go In the old German thing.
she sed.
May be II its a German mashine'
sed Sue, you awt to use sourkrowt In
sted of gaserline.
Haha, sed pop. very funny, very
funny. Meening 1t wasent.
Awl Get In
Anyhow, we awl got IN the avtomo-
beel. and aftir winding up like q clock
In front and doing sum othir things to
II, pop startid it and It went fne. My,
farthir, sed ma, this Is fine. A persen
mite think you moo how to run ma
shine, she sed.
Well, then q persen mite think rite.
sed pop. I've only had four lessins, he
sed, but I CESS there izent mutch about
The Washington times., 1911-08-24

an awtomobeel don't no. Heer we are
in the park. he sed.
Wich he was, and awl- OF a suddin,
vile pop had his he'd turned erround
telling ma we was In the park. the awto-
mobeel gave an orful jump and startid
to go like a regular eckspress trsne.
Pop got awl ecksited and pushed sum
things. and pulled sum things and put
his feat avn sum things but the moar
things he moved the moar the awto-
mobeel went fastir.
Stop II. ma skreetched, and Sue
skreetched. stop It, and pa sed, am
stopping IT. But he wasent. Awl he
was doing was pulling things and term
ing things and tredins avn things, and
the awtomobeel was going so fast you
coodent see enything but wind.
Stop That Kar
Aftir a vile a park gard yelled stop
that kar, and pop yelled, Stop 1t yure-
self. and theh trees and things went
by to beet the band. AftIr that evry
park gard we passed wood yell, Stop
that kar, but II dident seam to do eny
good, until jest as We was going to
bump into a stone wawl the awtomo-
beel stopped aw' by itself so suddin It
was enuf to shake the life out Of q
person.
Then the last park gard that yelled
Stop that kar ran up and took US awl
TO the gard house, and pop was telling
him awl the way ovir that Ne wasent
racing, but 1t was the machine that
was doing 1t without his konsent. But
enyhow pop had to pay 20 doilirs fns
and we went hoam In a trolley kar.
The Washington times., 1911-08-24

food name. could only be induced to
appear together think that the street
ticket SPECTATORS would come out of
hiding and take chance with the law.
don't imagine that he would have
made Hackett or Sothern Jealous. but
the public would fall for him. Why,
since we've had the shooting stars in
vaudeville We can stand for most any
thing. And then II the little lady
comes anywhere looking as good as her
lithos she would pack the house
nightly. There would be one sad thing
about an engagement Of such stellar at
fractions, and that is there would be no
job for a press agent. Versatile as
they are, the agents couldn't dope out
anything that would be half as inter-
.esting as the stun that has already
been published.
II don't know whet. er Jake keens
a scrap book or not, but IL he does
I'll venture to say that he's behind
with his clippings!"
In a Sketch
IF somebody would Just write q
sketch for them wouldn't II be great?''
began. the stage-struck youth.
1T might be-" acquiesced the S. d.
K, but 1t takes real live actors to
put q sketch over that only calls for
two people. But IL there were three
people in the sketch they might make
a go of it,
why not work in one of those min
listers who have jumped into the lime
light through their opposition to Jake's
marriage?" asked the 8. s. Y
Kid" said the S. D. K, you are AL
most threatened at times with human
intelligence. You're too good for this
job"
The Washington times., 1911-08-24

ny. Gimme dozen precocious Gu
cumbers."
1 dropped the orders and made Q
dive for the pickle barrel and Pd
hardly fished out twelve, when he
nres again. "One vault Of embalmed
tomatoes
That's ketchup. see, and while I
was racin' after a bottle. he pipes.
Gimme two pounds Of desiccated
cow"
That was one on me. but after he'd
paid for the first two orders skipped
around to the library and looked up
"desiccated." He meant dried beefi
Can you beat It?
The Washington times., 1911-08-24

rs what's the matter and maybe we
can help you"
But the child screamed on.
I never heard a child take on so,"
commented one woman. Poor dear,
something serious must be the matter"
8 And the compassionate crowd, as one
compass, crowded forward with ex-
pressions Of sympathy and offers of
succor.
Yet the child screamed on.
:, u was not until the little girl began
passing around her hat that the crowd
realized she had been singing. Z
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

TIL bet" began the stage-struck
youth
Never bet," interrupted the stage
Aoorkeeper. There's nothing In 1t, not
even II you have q sure thing, and in
the second place you can't afford to
gamble on your salary"
Would Pull Some
well. was about to remark then"
continued the s. 8. Y, that some of
the theatrical managers must feel some
peeved that John Jacob Astor has so
much money that he can't be tempted
by q fat contract"
''As a box office attraction he would
pull some" ventured the s. d. K, and
If he and the lady with the breakfast
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
Loretta's Looking Glass

annoying to pay two dollars to see
a play and sea girls arms. A man
might squeeze a little comfort out
of them, even If the surroundings are
not the most desirable. But what
woman wants to pay two dollars to
gaze on the arms of another womanf
1t must be that the continuous per-
formance of the arm exercise Is
form of nervousness. There goes the
right arm up. A hairpin Is pulled
out and poked In. One tries to be
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
Bad Taste

Than the wedding wasn't altogether
success?'' 4
NO; the groom's mother cried louder
than the brides mother. It was con-
sidered very bad taste"
The Washington times., 1911-08-24

III
=, gowns-and yet, l am sorry for her she and
Charles wrechedy unhappy
Not because they love either that's the of
It, because theyare
laid out for them in the valleys
Great Sorrows and Great Joys
every quarrels
opened and clearly the awful strainng
to climb to where the things egreat
Joysseem the believe
terrible morune had them Charles money
his health something had happened
sacrhc herself that their home would be happes the
think that soul with fe's eaceful valleys
She said tonight, bitterly, Child, child
marry You dream all dream eysan
will find that life with like pebbles
little things that sting and
But wasn't angry-1 only
And dear dear; to mys
want storms and mighty mountain heights Glad
that love the little things for e up take delight
dipped will
stand far better than and does
and make crack than would learning appreciate
mighty problem of life n
Would love better if had bigger wonder-bu
after ALL bgit
thoughts
desire-which you-but the Of the
vaIey-and the safe shelter of
Mary economies the riffs that widen
love- but that
learning indulge wh, pennies
feel that each saved added
don't you feel SOP
Cheaper Than Rent
II makes awuy that
Investing building
house-beeause its cheaper than rent" That's
new of saying the old bromide, isn't it?
And I'm proud dear that mt to
TO "the rnxn instead of smoking Turkish
OF ALL dearest I'm proud glad song
lips and sob to throat ruy feminine parado think
to hold all this JOY Good night my
twin sister Economy" Il
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
SAAY DEAR LORETTA: I have
N enjoyed and profitsd by your

SsM1 DEAe AohhiIA: nave
N enjoyed and profitsd by your
unique and spirited reproofs
Of the silly foibles of femtninity. Some
Of your comments make me feel as
II I'd been unexpectedly plunged into
a cold bath. But have not failed
to receive the benefit that goes with
the bath. VIII you be good enough to
vivisect the vanity of the GIRL
WHOSE ARMS ARE FOREVER IN
THE WAY? mean the fidgety females
who go to the theater and fuss with
their hair so much that their arms
are about all those behind them get
to see during the performance. They
are a nuisance: and / never knew a
more competent maiden-knight than
yourself at puncturing the abuses Of
patience and politeness with a penpoint
instead Of a spear. Personally, should
advocate the use Of the spear, too
But I shall most gratefully welcome
the vigorous attack of your pen II you
are too busy to undertake the spear
campaign. Appreciatively,
'ONE WHO HAS SUFFERED"
Interesting Accessories
1t is easy to guess that this suf-
fering one is a woman. Even in my
somewhat extended experience have
rot encountered a man who could ad-
vocate what she desires. For what
she really Graves Is AN ARMLESS
GIRL And all the men I know re-
gard the arms as Interesting acces-
sories to the feminine makeup. How
ever. I feel certain that any one of
the men could suggest better ways
of occupying those arms than any
inanimate sidecomb or barette can
afford.
I don't blame the writer of this
letter for protesting. It's pretty
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
Kindly Quips From
The testers Wand
HARD LUCK

Did I ever bring you back your lad
der that you lent me q week aso?"
NO; you certainly did not"
I'm sorry. for, I Just stopped in to
borrow 1t again."
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
A Thunderbolt

Mr.. Oldsport-Say, weren't you .
little ironical when you. named that
yellow counterfeit pug of yours the
Thunderbolt?
The Manager-Not any, pardner.
You see, when he talks tight he thun-
ders something awful and when you
show him q fight he bolts.
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
Our Grocery Clerk
Says, He Came Back

Honest, it's been SO long since that
guys been in, / thought / was rid Of
him for good. But he turned up this
morning, still raving, the fellow with
the Matteawan way OF asking for
things.
He steams In the side door while I
was doing up some orders and lets
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
Suspicious

Very suspicious man. they say"
Very. Bought o dictionary last
week, and now he's counting the
as the publishers claim
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
SIZE HOLDS IT Up TO
"WANTED-AN ARMLESS GIRL"

forgiving, even II the heroine of the
play has Just leaned toward the hero
and acted out" one of those word
less scenes that must be seen to be
understood or appreciated. The hair
pin may have wriggled through the rat
and begun excavating in the scalp.
OF course that is painful.
But look! The left hand goes up. The
third pun from the middle of the back
Of the head gets a caressing pat. No.
there isn't flashing circular announce
ment on the third finger, so that's not
the reason. That third puff just had to
be patted. The pat appears to have
accomplished neither greater smooth
ness to the pun nor calnness to the
arms. For the right hand Is at It
again.
Seesaw Actions
Charity has ceased to be virtue. The
price Of the ticket is bitterly begrudged.
The girl with the arms Is silently ana
thematized. AND then the seesaw ac-
tion of the arms becomes q chorus
performance, for BOTH arms get busy!
Really, writer of this letter. I know
of no way to cure the idiotic. selfish
habit, unless you put pins under the
arms. But that might only aggravate
the difficulty. The GIRL WITH THE
ARMS would KEEP them up. And, of
course, much as you might wish 1t,
you cannot ask the usher to insist upon
the girl removing her physical MEM
bers as she would an obstructing hat.
An ARMLESS GIRL seems to be the
only solution of your trouble. UNLESS
Its almost too good to be true. but
there are those who believe that the
good things ARE the true things-un-
less these few remarks may attract the
girl to contemplation OF
her seifishnsss and induce her to re-
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
In Society

Does your daughter speak any for
eign languagesr"
Not to any great extent. She has
learned to say yes however, In eight
OF them, in case any foreign nobleman
should propose to her"
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
Out West

Travelling salesman-Is there sta
tionery store in this town, sir?
Station agent-Well, most OF 'em Ii
stationary until the next cyclone blows
'em OF, pard.
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
THE DOCTORS FRIEND

Il am going to speak to your father
today"
''Oh, do! I know just the Ioveliest
young doctor to whom a patient with
money would be q godsend!"
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
Ready for More

Missionary-And do you know moth
ing whatever Of religion7
Cannibsl-Well. we got a taste of
IL when the last missionary was here.
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
Would Pull Some
Grievous Sounds;
Or, Pity the Kid

4 compassionate crowd soon gathered
and formed a ring about the little
girl
There. there, there, daughter"
soothed a kindly old gentleman. Tell
The Washington times., 1911-08-24

,AREST-1t is very late and l ought to be going to
bed instead of writing to you, but I'd lot rather
lose some beauty sleep than miss chance for a
few minutes of talking to you, even though it is
only through the medium of paper and ink.
Mary Hawthorne was here tonight, and that's
why l am so late in beginning my daily scrawl of
love and longing beginning it, however, with
deeper note throbbng in my heart because of her
visit
Jack, dear, she stands in this city as the en-
bodiment of what life can offer. She has so much
wealth, social position, clever w.t. beautiful
powns-and vet am So sorry for her she and
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY

Mr.. William Wheat has Just mar
ried Miss Daisy, Oates. It Is to be
hoped there will be no cross-grained
children.-The Pink I'm.
The Washington times., 1911-08-24

ON,
whatever they rerann him. people
without the slightest with
letters about
what he's rushn into Amt there old poveb about monae
rushin' in after angels have burnt their wings?
just picture him. Belle, starin uneasy
m and dashn the perspraion from his low but
cratic brow.
Poor Vincent Only Nightmare
Great he'd groan,
If Wfe's
my sterinlaw, and my father be my brother.
"No, right Oh, poor head long
takes to Reno My fathers mothernlaw otherin
law my wife his wife? Horrors, mol
"Shes his daughter-n-aw, be my mother-n laws
sonnaws sister-I brothenlaw nephew-I
hepl help"
his poor wife would put
him for the thousandth that she couldn't help
hard her. she'd tell him. known whether her
band his ganfather visitor
could stand these things better.
Belle if interested savin' minds
protest
The Washington times., 1911-08-24
M A ME TELLS BELLE
He May Love the Girl
And All That But Young
ASTOR WOULDN'T DARE:

/ ASTOR'S going to buy unto-I mean take unto
himself new wife, Belle, but don't put any stock
in all this talk of his son goin to marry his new
mothers sister.
Not that Katherine amt nice girl, even If
she has got breakfast food name but don't
think, to look at young Astor's pictures, he'd have
the nerve to do it. He wouldn't dare. Just think
o the horrible sensation o wakin' up in the middle
o the night not KNOWN what relation you are to
your own father! ! don't think the poor boy could
live very long with that awful uncertainty weghin'
him down.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

TIORSE AND WAGON for sale. APP
II ply Charles Raluey, 81 north Hen
~ street. noV.-o 81
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29
FOR SALE.

nor SALE-Lot, Of fine Remington
II Typewriters practically neT With
all late improvements AZ less than bali
original cost Apply l.. J.. Armistead,
Postal Telegraph ofhce. nov I'm
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

yXTANTED-By middle aged Lady q
w place as honsekeeper or ID PEI
vate family. Call:at 1l3n. Fairfax 81
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29
Ages Add Garments.

Centuries ago, as Sir Walter Scott
says, In "Iranhoe," men wore one
thickness OF clothes, whether OF wool,
leather or yelret. The shirt was In
vented, but for long time was Eorn
only By the nobility and gentry. Then
followed the wastcoat, breeches and.
later ON, trousers. The. overcoat
which succeeded, the medieval cloak,
WAS rare until the seventeenth cen
tuny.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29
s.arse to oaln weight.

The Eat ODD who hta been cut oot "
meals galore wifi now se1oice. The
last cure for thinnees u b omit every
other dinner. 4 man under such treat
msnt by advice Of an upto-date
physician has gained 1T the rate OF
two pounds 4 week. With Pariaian
specialists advising I've meals a day
Tor obesity It sounds as II the doctors
liked change Is pnch as the mode-
uskera.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

nor RENT-G Room house, 100 8. PAT.
r rick st. Apply to ao7 8. Wash. st.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

Don't trife with s cold is good ad.
vice for prudent men ADD women. 1t
may be vital in case OF child. 1hc.e
is nothing better than Chamberlain
Cough Remedy for cough and cold IN
children. Il is safe and sure. For
sale BY ". 2. Creighton sud RnhsI
G;b.ep sdss.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

nor RENT 6N Princess Street, brick
I house, eight ls) rooms fnd cellar,
hot and cold water with bath, sewerage
connections. Inquire at Ill North
Washington st. Possession given on @, or
before the 18th inst nov Is iZt
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29
WANTED.

xKTANTED-CLEAN.WH WHITE RAGS,
w cents per pound. G. d: Eatne J,
& Son, ll3 8. Royal at. nov 10 u
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

TOR RENT. Two story" metal roof
L brick BUILDING, suitable for
wholesale business or manufaoturins
Prince and Duke streets, size % by. 30
feet. firat door concrete. alley on north,
gas and water, wharf privileges. goes
With properly. River In front, railroad
in rear. For terms and full part culaEs
call to sec. DE WILTON A1TCHESON,
IO7 south Royal street ,...-.
novLJ lot
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

TOR SALE.-MOSLER SAFE in per
T. feet condition. Inside m easure
ment l7x22 inches. InQuireaat Gazette
Office.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., neat.
w honest colored girl to do cook ing,
laundry work and help with cleaning.
STAY nights, good home. Salary, SIS.
Apply Is2S Columbia Road or phone
Col 1900, Washington.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

TITO THE STOCKHOLDERS OF THE
/ WASHINGTON FERTILIZER
COMPANY. The annual meeting Of
the stockholders Of this company, for
the election Of officers and for the tr,, MS
action Of such other business as may
come before the meeting, will be held
Mt the general oi}ioe OF the Company,
No 1913 South Royal street. Alexandria,
Va, ut the hour Of II q. a., "Wednesday,
ths thirteenth day of December, 1911.
JOHN r. WILKINS, President,
H. -lsTlDHAM Secretary: a.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

w. A. Johnson & Co.,

n. E. Cor. Cameron and Royal Streets
WHOLESALE GI.OCERS -.
General Commission Merchants
and Dealers in
ALL KINDS OF LIQUORS.
Baye on hand Gibson's Xxx, Xxx,
Xxx and Pure Old Rye, Old Cabinet
and Monogram Whistles; also Bakers
and Thompson's Pure Rye Whistles to
which they invite the attention OF the
Orders from the country for aerchan.
dise ghalI receive prompt attention.
Consignments Of Flour, Grain ana
Country Produce solicited, ior Tnlch
they guarantee the highest market pr1ees
and prompt rerur1z.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29
FOR RENT

DOR RENT. - A nice nine: roo!mI
+ HOUSE, one block from the rail-
road station. Suitable for boarding
house, restaurant or private residence.
Tn fine condition, Also good garden.
For terms and particulars apply 70 MIS-
A. Davis, 1920 Harvard st. Apartment 4,
Washington, d. c. - -.
nov5 st =. -
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29
SPECIAL NOTICES

HAVING qualified On administrators
II Of the estate Of HENRY BAADER;
deceased. all persons indebted to- said
estate are requeated to make prompt
settlement with the undersigned, and
all persons 10 whom said. estate Is In
tlebled are requested 70 present their
accounts properly certified for Sment.
CAROLINE BAADER, E1ecutri1.
WILLIAM BLADDER.
HENRY Ra ADER.
DOUGLAS STUART. Executors.
nova lot
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1911-11-29

AdYertisementsI. in 1.-THE
A LE.XA II D r i A G A
IETTE addressed to some
name or number, in care OF
the. Gazette, are not the adj
yertisements of this paper
but of various advertisers
who for personal reasons do
not desire that their naInes-
or addresses be kndWn
The Gazette cannot di-
v,llge any information re
garding these ads tother
than that which they con-.
tainysllch information being
confidential. 4,
Readers of.tke Gazette de-
string further information,
or an interview, should ad-
dress a communication to
the name or hum her given
and mail or send same to
this office and 1t will be
given to the . dvertiser, %
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-01-03
COMMISSION WILL
 HAVE SHORT SESSION

Cincinnati. January 2.-Unless some of the National Baseball commission at t o'clock tomorrow morning will break all records in the shortness of its duration Chairman August Hermann shortly be- fore departing for Laughrey island, where the meeting will be held tomorrow morn irg, said:
 '-The entire meeting will be over in ten minutes
 The commission will hear the report of Chairman Herman and Secretary Bruce. Following this, President Lynch of the National league and President Johnson of the American league will meet and re- elect August Hermann of Cincinnati chairman of the commission. This will be followed by the reelection of Secre- tary Bruce.
 President Herrmanns report is expect ed to deal with the question of allowing players to play ball during the winter months, but no action is expected from the commission at this time.
 In fact, the joint meeting of the sched- ule committee from the National and American leagues will overshadow the meeting of the National commission.
 President Ban P. Johnson of the Amer scan league, accompanied by Chairman Hermann left for Laughrey Island this afternoon while President Lynch of the National league, Secretary John Heydler and Barney Dreyfus, president of the Pittsburg club. who constitute the Ma tional league schedule committee, motored down tonight.
 President Johnson will assume the role of the entire schedule committee of the American league.