The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1911-03-24
DINNER EPISODES.
Odd Happenings That Helped to
Spice the Meals.
THE WORM THAT DIDN'T TURN

1t Spoiled Funny Story For Wo-
man Whose Pet Horror Is Anything
That Wriseles-A Distracted Seien-
tist and a Gastronomic Calamity.
At dinner party one night my host
and | were in the midst Of an interest
ing conversation when l noticed a
movement in the lace centerpiece
which lay under a pot of growing
tulips. The lace was pushed aside, and
straight toward me wriggled fat red
earthworm. If / have pet horror 1t
is for anything that writhes. My host
was nearing the point of a funny story
when caught sight Of that strange
intruder on dining table. He reach
ed the end of the story and laughed.
believe | laughed. but to this day j
cannot tell what that story was about.
/ sat watching the gymnastics of that
lively specimen of fish bait. In forty
seconds it was due to tumble into my
lap. There was no waiter near The
reptile was hidden from my host by
soup plate. The man at my right was
absorbed in conversation with a wom-
an beside him. The worm had almost
reached the edge of the table when l
had an inspiration. | turned a red
wineglass upside down, for the waiter
was approaching with a napkin wrap
ped bottle.
"Have you turned White Ribboner?'
asked my host.
"For tonight ! have" Where my
voice came from do not know; neither
do | know how | ever sat out that
meal listening TO host who tried his
level best to entertain dull guest
and watching n frantic fishworm try
to break Its way out of jail. Some
how growing plants on the dining
table have gone out of favor in our
house.
A dear distracted old scientist l
know keeps his wife on the anxious
seat every moment when they dine
out She is prepared for any ridicu
lous thing he will do No one ever
possessed finer breeding or gentler
manners than the good old professor,
but his fits of abstraction are likely to
descend on him at any moment. His
wife tells of one notable experience.
zone night" she says, Il lectured
John all the way home from dinner.
l was trying to make him understand
that pate shells were intended to be
eaten. If ii had been caterers
meal should have thought nothing
cook. and she had just announced
proudly that we were having some of
her own puff paste. Everybody ate
the pates except John. With the
greatest care he scooped out the |
creamed chicken and left the shell. |
He was horribly distressed over 1t.
If / had only known. my dear he |
said, that the thing was intended to
be eaten. that 1t was really food and
,he made 1t. should have shown my
Remember it next time. then,' /
said.
"a week later at another dinner
John was seated opposite me. /
glanced at him curiously after the
uSSSttt tuiht obs lot nC btGilcu W OG |
In the throes of choking fit. Imag-
Inc. IL you can. my horror. He was
trying TO masticate the paper case of
q charlotte russo. There was only
one thing could do-call him to order
as one would have done child. /
could not sit by calmly and watch him
choke TO death. Dinners are frequent
Iy OF ~, aff mi ire ht4f thof
after | had explained the situation to |
4 tableful of people. Fortunately John |
Is so brilliant that his absentminded- |
ness Is considered natural adjunct !
% genius"
''My husband" said one woman, ais
he funny man at a party when the
mood happens to seize him. One night
lfter playing bridge we filed out to the
lining room. where we were seated
ibout the table for supper. From
he corner where my husband sat
,ame gales of laughter He had turn
ID conjurer and was making every
hing disappear, from salt spoons to
water decanter. When things were
found 1t was in the most remarkable |
places.
"A week later while searching his |
clothes for soiled handkerchiefs-that |
Is a regulation Monday morning task
In our home-I heard something rattle |
In his dress coat. From an inside |
pocket I drew two silver forks, three |
teaspoons and a salt spoon. They |
were marked with various initials |
None of the stuff came from our side |
board. My husband was out of town,
and | spent few perplexed hours. An
idea suddenly dawned on me. ! wrap
ped up the silver. put on my hat and
went straight TO the hostess of our last
card party. Thank goodness she
cried. I have nearly had nervous
prostratiou over the loss of these
things. Servants have been suspected.
] hired a man TO 20 over the garbage
dump. and the whole house has been
turned upside down I'm our search. II
II had been my own silver 1t would
not have been SO bad. but II was bor
rowed. and could not duplicate it any /
where in town. Wait till | see that
husband OF yoursr
THE story got out. and sometimes
a hostess in facetious mood insists on
counting her silver before my better
half goes home" isabel Gordon Curtis
In New York Tribune.
No Stop.
Ticket Collector We don't stop here,