Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1911-03-28
| John Henry S |
PICNIC
/ By GEORGE V. HOBART
PICNIC

Bunch and I had a little frame-up
for the benefit of Uncle Peters race
track betting proclivities, with key
Schwartz as our understudy. After
completing our plans we walked
around to the Grand Central station
and l found q moment wherein to
make a date for tomorrow's meeting.
Nothing was said about the real
estate business, which Peaches
thought was keys line, on the way
home, but l could see that although
Peaches now had her semaphore set
for clear track she still had a few
cold doubts about friend key.
OF course I couldn't tell her our
plan for Uncle Peters salvation with
out giving the old gentleman dead
away, and, besides, the secret might
leak out and my busy relative would
break off a few horse laughs at my
expense.
Uncle Peter blew into Ruraldene a
little earlier than usual that evening,
and with him was a stranger.
The old gentleman was in excel
lent spirits aid introduced his friend
TO us as Mr.. Barney Sullivan.
He's a co.worker and deeply in
terested in the S. p. c. A." l heard
cagey Peter whisper hoarsely to Aunt
Martha and Clara j., but l was wise
TO the visitor
Barney was none other than a little
Tad tout I'd often seen around the
tracks, but ! couldn't imagine why
Uncle Peter had dragged him into
our home life.
OF course the women folks saw
nothing strange in the fact that Uncle
Peter brought a co-woTker in a good
cause home with him, but it was me
for the Sherlock Holmes thing, quick
1t was all right enough for my es-
teemed relative to throw his money
TO the sparrows, but why ask one of
the sparrows home to dinner?
Barney was short and wide, with a
graceful figure, like a turnip.
When he wasn't talking he was
laughing, and when Barney laughed
he opened his face on hinges at both
ears and kept 1t open for FIVE minutes.
II his head were a few feet thicker
he'd make a good tunnel
When Barney talked all you had to
do was turn on a green light to find
yourself in Ireland. His brogue was
thick enough to make an Englishman
yell for bobby.
And why wouldn't you live on
Fifth avenue in New York. Mr.. Sui
livan?" Uncle Peter was saying when
l Joined them to smoke a cigar, IF,
as you say, you expect to be a very
rich man sCme day."
FIT avenoo is no place for tn
Irish" Barney replied. "A frind iv
mine tried 1t vance and bit his tongue.
His name was Jawn O'Dowd, tn prize
fighter; perhaps you know Jawn?"
mo, don't think So" Uncle Peter
said, encouragingly.
; "Jawn made so much money in the
f1ghtin' business that he blew himself
for a small palace on FIT avenoo,"
Barney went on. 1T were a foine
place near tn Ashtorbilts and tn
Vandergoolds. Jawn have a house
that's the divvle for shtyle, and he
have bunch of typewrittin machines
fer to kape his voice in trainin' be
names iv printin' letter vance in a
while In the newspapers"
| Uncle Peter smiled and Barney con.
tinued.
, "They's lace curtains in tn windys,
an in tn front hall they's a marble
bust Nv a woman be tn name iv Way
nus, but it looks more like a gurrul
be tn name Nv Marguerite Roscom-
mon that wurruks in tn front row iv
burlesque throop. II tn throlley
card chop off her arms she'd be a
ringer for that woman, Vaynus."
+ Uncle Peter looked around, some
what fearful the story might be long
on Venus and short on wardrobe, but
Barney went right ahead
In Jawn's parlor theys pitchers
be Pat Rembrandt, Mike Angelo an
Tim Clancy. Clancy's III best, rip
risintin' tn eighth round iv a go be-
chune O'Dowd an felly be tn name
iv Muttonchops Mcclure Ye can see
Jawn hanin Mcclure a long, low push
in tn short ribs be means iv his foot.
Tn riferee's face is turned tn other
way, an they's a bunch iy green
money as big as tn fist iv We per
troodin from his pocket McGuirk is
his name. He's runnin' saloon now
ia Akron. Ohio. TIL pitcher is a mas
terpiece, an Clancy played tn races
OF tn proceeds for six weeks before
tn tanbark ups an hits him belt in
tn neck"
Uncle Peter nodded his approval.
'Jawn O'Down is Twin bechune a
Ashtorbilt an a Vandergoold Bar
ney continued. He have a thrunk full
iy pitcher books an novels locked up
in tn cellar an he have a nickle-
plated GROWER an man in livery to
rush ii at th crook iv his. finger. Life
is complate Wan day wan iv tn
Ashtorbilts stops be tn front door
where lawn O'Dowd is settin' on tn
marble steps. eatin' chicken sand
witch an enjyin' tn air in his shirt
sleeves.
beg PARDON, says AShtorollt, out
I'm on me way to tn Govt Links an
I've misplaced me nihliek win We
do me tn kindness to lend me tn
loan ~ yer niblick fer tn afternoon. :"
says he.
What t'helrs nihlick9' says
Jawn TO himself. battin' his eyes an
not DARN to show his ignorance fer
fear iv bein' oysterciEed socially by
tn Ashtorbilts Set down on tn
shtep. Willie says he, an III go
look says he
1T takes Jawn tin minutes to come
back. I have III cook an tn rist iv
me stan lookin' fer tn niblick. Willie,
says he, They Amt none on tn ice
at present. says he. but me footman
IN IL -,