davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05
Plain Farming
in California

Rich land in the famous San Joaquin
Valley, California, has produced indepen-
dence for the farmer who farms Alfai-
ia. cattle, corn and hogs. Pumpkins. po-
tatoes and profits. Dollars from the dairy.
in cns~of The richest sections Of call
fornia there Is go0o fnd. fpIesN~~~
water for irrigation deeded WITH the sAnss
that can be bought in tracts of 10 acres
and up at a very reasonable price. Most
every kind of crop is grown there. 40
acres keeps 40 to so cows. The butter fat
is sold every DAY in the year at the far
mer's door to creameries. Pigs are raised
on skim milk and ALFALFA little corn
makes them ready for the hog buyer, who
is out every day looking for them.
This land can be bought on very easy
terms and the maj of small means can
locate and at once begin to make money.
There are plenty of schools, churches and
good ~neighborS. The climate is ideal.
One can work. hunt or fish, out of doors
every day In the year with never a fear
of q cyclone or a blizzard.
Full information can be obtained by
writing Hartman, Meek & Blalock. 1923 So.
Hill St, Los Angeles. California, who arc
well informed and will start you right in
this land of sunshine, health and profit.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05
Oh! That g. Awful

Did you hear it7 How embar.
RAISING. These stomach noisesmake
you wish you could sink through
the floor. You imagine everyone
hears them. Keep a box Of CAS-
CARETS in your purse or pocket
and take a part of one after eating.
1t will relieve the stomach of g~s. sls
CASCARETS 10c a box for a weeks
treatment. A1~ldruggists. Biggestseller
In the world-miIion boxes Q month
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

tored and tried numerous remedies
but steadily greN- worse until almost
: aialaas~Asgza lEsarrsure-udas
the use Of Doan's Kidney Pills and it
was only a short time before I was
entirely we'll"
Remember the name-Doan's.
For sale by all dealers. SO cents q
box. Foster-Milbur Co, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05
Tired Feeling

vour blood IS venting In vitality, just as pimples
and other eruptions are signs that ii is impure.
DO not delay treatment; begin at once to take
Hood. saraaparIla which effects its wonderful cures, not simply because It
oonto,r. r.anarnl but because 1t combines the utmost remedial values OF
twenty dinerent ingredients, raised to their highest efficiency for the cure o.
an snrnr troubles. that tired feeling and loss Of appetite. There is no real
eubsttute. insist ON having 49,
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

were very painful. l
was so stir l could
hardly move. My back
ached terribly. / had
nervous and dizzy
spells, my limbs were
swollen and mornings
on arising I felt weary
and depressed. doc
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05
Evidently an Amateur

Getting ready for your suburban
gardening?"
Yep. I've got a spade, a pick, a
hoe, a rake and some garden seeds.
but I've ransaOked the market and
nobody seems to have any angle
worms for SALE"
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05
Met His Match.

Alkali Ike-They have just taken
Roaring Bill to the hospital.
Pistol Pete = What happened to
hin?
Afkali Ike-He tried to break up .
suffragist meeting..Judge.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

Il felt tired all the time n coulo
not sleep nights. After taking Hooos
Sarsaparilla a little while couio
sleep well and the tired feeling nao
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

It is impossible e nan who is false
to his friends and neighbors should
be true to the public.-Bishop Berke-
ley.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05
No Girls

No Girls.
you didn't stay long at Wombat's
country place"
No. he promised to show me the
beauties of the neighborhood and then
tried to point out q lot Of scenery"
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05
TERRIBLY.
Kidney Trouble and Rheumatic Palms
Made Life Miserable.

M. r. Wilson, Humboldt, Nebr., says:
II had kidney disease in q very aggra-
waited form. Kidney ~secretions con-
tanned a dark sediment and passages
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

Let us never be discouraged By any
diflculty which may attend what we
know to be our duty.-BoWdlef.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05
Wise Guy.

Nov, this race Is a sure thing. You
can have a talk with the Jockey Il you
like" I'D rather have q talk with
the horse"
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

The alienation of suffering is M
of the means by which the advance
ment Of our race is secured.-SiT
James Crichton-Browne.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

10 DRIVE oUIT H sfal4H IA rur svsrr
CHILL TONIC. You know What yon arr tslins.
showine It 10 simply Quinine and Iron in : taste-
less form. The Quinine, drives out the malaria
and the iron builds mp the system Bold ~ Al
dealers for . years Price 80 cents.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

teething, softens the gums, reduces innaumar
ZION. allays pain. curea wind collie, &c bottle.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05
Hoods ~SarsapariHa

gone. This great medicine has also
cured me Of scrofula, which .
troubled me from childhood" MITE
c. M. Root. Box 25. Gilead, Conn.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

All married men are heroes, but
they can't always prove II.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

would bring $4,000. Even at present
prices It should bring at least $11.-
600.
The Tupelo journal., 1911-05-05

W. N. U, MEMPHIS, NO. 1871.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
THOMAS SWIFT is BURIED
Services fer Pioneer az ST. PhtlO-
mena'a ChurGh--Burial at Holy
sepuIchre Cemetery.

The funeral Of Thomas Swift was held
Tuesday mormnR. The funeral cortege left
the residence at . o'clock, proceeding to
St. Phnomena's Catholic church Tenth
and William streets where solemn requiem
was celebrated.
The requiem high mass began at 10
O'Clock Tuesday morning. Rt Rev. Rich
ard scannelI bishop OF Omaha, presided at
the mass. Rev. James w. Stinson. pas
tor celebrated the mass assisted by Rev.
p. A. Mcoovern, pastor Of 81. Peters, as
deacon: Rev. Frank p McManus OF Coun-
Gil Bluffs, sub-deacon; Rev. y. M. Glee-
SON. master OF ceremonies.
Patrick Swift OF Butte, Mont, brother
Of the deceased; Mr.. and Mrs. John Swift.
Mrs Martin Swift and Francis swift,
relatives, Of Washington Ia. attended the
services
Burial was in Holy Sepulchsr cemetery.
The pallbeaTers were:
James H. McShane.
William Bushman.
r. A, Nash,
James p. English,
Frank Dellone,
Patrick Duffy,
Frank ], Burnley,
T. f. Kennedy.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29

OF which Omaha ss typical western cen
ter Is made up. In the same tier Of seats
her eve swept over the faces OF scientists,
teachers, charity workers, institutional
leaders. political and social radicals. and
here and there a laborer. Side by side sat
the slow-thinking foreign workman and
the tttering but puzzled schoolgirl
Miss Goldman spared not words or
classes.
Together, the speaker classed the Rvowed
principles Of Anthony Comstock, prudery,
puritanism and morality as defined by
modern convention. Her arguments against
the laws Of this conventional morality were
based largely on physical phenomena.
! The decided aggressiveness Of her ad'
dress was emphasized by her occasional
lapses into German idiom and q slight &C
cent.
The lecture was followed by a discussion
OF questions raised by members OF the
audience.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
Returns to Ireland
After Two Hours in
Omaha; No Green Here

Oh. sweet is County Dublin in the spring
time Of the year,
When the hawthorne's whittier than the
snow,
When the feathered folk assemble and the
air Is all a-tremble
with their slngin and their wingin TO
when queenly slisvenanmon puts her YER
dant vesture on
And smiles 10 hear the news the breeaes
While here am in Omaha. an me heart
a cryin' loud,
For the green Of good old ireland in the
spring.
Florence Hughes. fresh and blooming
from Dublin, entered the offices OF Bald
rige. DeBord & Fradenburg, attorneys, to
take up the duties Of stenographer, Mon
day morning.
Il don't like this oountry--its all brown;
there is not green thing in the fields.
will not live where there is nothing green. -
she protested to Howard Baldrige, her
employer.
Besides things go so fast in Omaha
1t makes my headache"
An hour later Miss Hughes was taking
train on her way to Dublin, the land OF the
harper and shamrock.
She had Travelled 5000 miles to spend two
hours in Omaha
A few weeks ago Mr.. Baldrige received a
letter from the firm Of r. and @. stapleton,
solicitors, Dublin, stating that their head
stenographer wanted to come to America
to try fortunes anew she was given the
place left vacant in the Omaha office by
the marriage OF Miss Mary Gannett.
The Irish girl fingered at her desk in the
law offices here just long enough to leave
the above verse behind.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
BRIEF CITY NEWS

Aave hoot ETtnt II
Eyss Tested FFse-Ryan Jewelry CO.
eas. Hisotris FiHturss, nurEsss-arandsa-
fines, Printing.
rae nantsra savings ana EoaA Assool-
au0n has moved 20 its new quarters IN
me Douglas Biz. 18th and Dodge, and -
b sady to make loans 10 home builders
Paia IN Fun shares Of the Nsb. savinEn
Loan Assn. make an ideal Investment 500
TO 500 pays 695 per annum. Board Of
Trade Building. 1905 Farnam Street
To Attend Bngaas lEssstina-D. NJ.
IayerIy. county clerk, Is planning to at
Tend the eighth reunion Of the Iowa brigade
which was his brigade. to be held at oska-
ooss. la. on April and Z.
Printer IL Injursd--John e. Thompson
.r was badly injured Monday by falling
agaInst the printing press in his shop
l30i Cunning street He was treated by DIT.
Cani and sent 20 the county hospital
University Club Busy--Ths executive
.ommlttse Of the University club, now IN
process Of formation, took lunch 81 the
commercial club Tuesday and discussed
plans for the future A committee was
appointed to cast about for likely members
Ultimately the club intends to build a
nome,
al Club Gets Endorsement for Bnl-At
the weekly meeting OF the executive com
mittee Of the Commercial club Tuesday 9
written request came from the Ad club
asking for an endorsement Of the proposed
plan Of municipal management by commits
sion The endorsement was given.
New Commercial Club Membership
following prominent business men we're ad'
United to membership Of the Commercial
club by the executive committee Tuesday
w. H. Head, f. l.. sturtevant both Of th'
Iininger Implement company; DIT. Edward
r. larry, Oliver A. Hall, architect; r. A
Farrel OF Farrell g. Co; w. J. Crsedon
cement dealer and contractor; r. c. Mellor
Johnston Electric company, and Perry X
Eabton.
Gas Company sues City--The omaht
Gas company filed suit in district cour
Tuesday against the city, asking judgment
for the amount Of It's February claim FOL
street lighting. Payment was refused By
the city council. last week. The amount o
the claim is sl3iO46 with interest at pc
cent for the month OF March. 1t include
t875iu for the ,i4s cubic feet Of ga
that the gas company says was used, ant
81. 5s616 for upkeep ". II. Herdman ant
W. J. Cornell are the attorneys repre-
sentins the company.
Damage for Opening strOot--Dissatisfie
property owners along the right of way o
the proposed opening Of Twenty-secon
street from Howard street to Dodge stree
have begun to file appeals from the award
OF the appraisers committee. owen Nc
Caffrey, who owns the east forty feet o
sublot 8 Of lot g. filed notice OF apes
Tuesday morning and asked for tran
script McCaffrey was awarded F2S5.2
which he considers unjust. His motto
states that he will be damaged TO the ex
tent OF 81 900 and a wants q Judgment 70
that amount
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
PLAN FOR A SUMMER MISSION
Missionary School to he Conducted at
the University of Omaha
in July.

A summer school and conference is being
planned by the City Federation of wom-
ems Missionary societies for the week Of
July u to 1S. At a meetingsof the executive
committee held at the Young wOmen's
Christian association these plans were
considered and approved and a committee
appointed to perfect arrangements. This
committee includes Mrs. George Tilden,
chairman; Mrs. w. NJ. Halsey and Mrs. E.
q. Jones.
The school is to be held at the University
Of Omaha, probably In the new gymnasium.
The speaker will be supplied by the mis-
sion boards Of the different denominations.
As now planned there will be morning and
evening sessions. The morning sessions
will consist OF class work for the study
OF missions, methods and for Bible study;
the evening session win be q general lee
ture.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29

ook out for severe and even dangerous
,ney and bladder troubles resuitinr ~
hrs Of railroadinE. George r.
BIRD street Fort Wayne. Ind,
BARS a conductor on the Nickel
aAya: Twenty years OF Tailro
ny kidneys in terrible eondiilu
as a continual pain across my "a ~.
hips and my kidneys gave me much H.
areas. and the action OF my bladder Wu1
frequent Ane most painful l got a supply
OF Foley kidney Pills and the first bottle
made a wonderful Improvement ana four
bottles cured me completely. since being
cured / have recommended FOIsy Kidney
lnls TO many OF my railroad friends." lor
sala By All druggistA
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
Forger-Auto Thief
Sends Impudent Note

Insult has been added to injury by the
forger who ran away with a car bought
from A. s. Avery OF Omaha on q bogus
check.
Tuesday Mr. Avery received letter
signed by -. NJ. B." saying:
You will find your car in Lincoln.
am sorry to have caused you all this
trouble, and I will pay you-sOme day"
The impudeht forger then adds a line OF
Recommendation for the car which enabled
him to elude police and pursuing posses
The letter il written on a letter head of
John Moran a. son, Galloway, Neb. The
forger represented himself as a son of
Mr. Moran. The automobile has been re-
covered
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
ATTACKS MORAL CONVENTIONS
Emma Goldman Decries Burden Of
Civilizations Restraints,
STRANGE CONTRASTS IN CROWD
All Of Types and Glasses OF Omshs
Represented AmOnG Those Cath
cred 60 Hear the woman
Anarchist,

Civilizations double standard OF morality.
one side for the man. the other for the
womsn-was under verbal fire from the
fortress Of Emma Goldman's vocabulary,
before a euriously composed audience at
the Lyric theater last night.
I'VE have attained much in science"
said Miss Goldman. I'VE have learned to
breed beautiful fruits, beautiful flowers,
beautiful animals-but in the science of be-
ing born well we are in nowise ahead Of
the cave man"
Those whom Miss Goldman addressed
represented all OF the widely variant types
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
DON'T MISS THIS SHOW
Girls OF Trinity NJ. e. Church Are
Giving Fifty Cents Worth
for Fifteen Cents.

An entertainment will be given on Thurs
day night. March 80, by the Philathea class
Of the Trinity Methodist Episcopal church
in the auditorium Of the church, Twenty
first and Binney streets, at o. m.
Proceeds to go to the repair fund. Ad-
mission, only Is cents. Come and help the
girls. Following is the program of the
evening:
PART l.
Overture-Lustpiel.. .Kela Bella
Orchestra.
six CUPS OF CHOCOLATE"
Cast:
Adeline Won Lindau, a German girl...
Marion Lee, a southern girl. Nell PRAYER
Dorothy Green, a New Englander....,
Observation-Disclosures. Lillian vineyard
Hester Beacon, Bostonian. Elsie Mengedoht
Beatrix Van Kortlandt a New Yorker.
:; 49, -. =. '9ess ROGERS
waltE-Velvet OF the Rose. .....,... Barnard
Orchestra.
PART H.
SelecuOn. ss..s..'..ssss's'.ss'sss
Orchestra.
AUNT SUSAN JONES"
Cast
Aunt Susan Jones, an old lady from the
Me- NI:yrIisv cifv merchantis vie NY
Arabella Markley. her daughter. ........
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS abelle ROsworth
Anna Wilson, Mrs. MaTkleys niece.
................,...... Dorothy MERRIAM
Augustus Salderfrac, an eXquisite......
Observation-Disclosures. .Ehlpn NeWGhl
selection-Red Min.,..................H Herbert
Orchestra.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
Former ConGreasmRn AcquItted,

LYRIA, o.. March &.-Former Con-
ertssman Jay f. Laning, acquitted here
BY order ur Judge Willis Vickery last
Thursday on charge of misapplying the
funds OF the Ohio Loan, Savings and In
vestment company Of NOrwalk, shortly
before Il was absorbed by the Ohio State
Trust company OF that city, was put on
trial here today on a new count charging
him with making false entries in the
hooks OF tho company.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
LANDSCAPE ARTIST COMING
Howard ByRrts WeRd 10 Lecture UnA
der Ahupiees of WOman'a Club
and Real Estate Exchange.

Howard Evarts Wead. the eminent land
soape architect comes to Omaha April 3
to give lecture under the auspices Of
the Omaha Woman's club and the Real
Estate exchange. The lecture, which is TO
be given at the Young Mems Christian
association auditorium, includes pictures Of
beautiful places and places which might
be made TO deserve the term and views of
Omaha places and possibilities will be
shown.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
OHIO CLUB TO GIVE DINNER
GuV ernOP AIdrich 90 BE the Guest OF
Honor at Dinner Here on
second OF May.

Three hundred members Of the Ohio club
q Nebraska and their friends win sit
Vn TO a dinner IN Omaha May 2, The
est Of the occasion will be Governor
ember OF the club.
The banquet was decided upon at
eetinE OF the club held Tuesday noon at
dge slabaHgh's rooms
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
roIe1,s IkIaneI am.

Neutralize and remove the poisons that
cause backache. rheumatism. nervousness
and all kidney and bladder Irregularities
They build up and restore the natural ae-
ton Of these vital organs. For sals by ali
druggists.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29

MONROEvILLE. Ark. March 2S.-Two
men we're killed and twenty persons we're
injured by q tornado which swept through
this part OF the state about $50 o'clock
yesterday evening At Jones Mil. stephen
Byrd and Alexander MCCreoy, farmers,
werf KILLED and fifteen persons hurt.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29

The most common cause Of insomnia Is
disorders OF the stomach. Chamberlain's
Stomach and Liver Tablets correct these
disorders and enable you TO sleep. For
sale by all dealers.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
WIFE BEATER WORRIES
ABOUT HIS INFANT SON
Negro Pleads for Mercy when Sem
fenced for Abusing Family
Wife UnmOVed.

who will support man z-yeah-ole baby
while his peppers In jail" walled Walter
Hoffman, a negro laborer. when he re-
ceived sentence of thirty days in police
court for abusing his family
Who supports his pepper when pepper
is out OF jail?" retorted Judge Altstadt
waving the prisoner aside.
Hoffman pleaded for mercy, but his
dusky wife stood pat.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
nniIdinr Permits.

H. e Arson. lis South Twenty-fifth.
garage, $3.50; Mrs T. r. Stroud, Nine
teenth and Ames avenue, frame dwelling,
81 500; L. Campbell, 1929 South Twenty fifth.
frame dwelling. s., 500; A. +. Samuelson,
1871 South Twenty-eighth, frame dwelling.
s. 500; John Ward, 2OOa North Twentieth.
repairs, 500
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29

SACRAMENTO. Cal. March B-Hope
for the passage OF the senate allen land
bill restricting ownership Of property by
no assembly voted at the close OF It's
srnoon session to adjourn until to-
rrOW.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
A Mother,a aaferunrh.

Foleys Honey and Tar for the children.
IL best and safest for ali coughs, coIds,
Group. whoopinE-cough and bronchitis No
,plates. For sale by all dealers.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29

LOS ANGELES, March 9S.-Dr. H. G.
Gates, superintendent OF local hospital
and a leading surgeon OF the city, died
early today OF blood poisoning, the result
OF having accidentally picked his hand
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29

In order that the advertiser may set the
reach the buyer BY the most direct and
--liable channel The Bee is that channel
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
DEPARTMENTAL Ind. Fita

by fear Of appedicitis, take DR.. Kings
New Life Pills. and away goes bowel
trouble. Guaranteed. 25c. For sale by
Beaton Drug Co.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29
Low Fare TO New York, Via wash.
tngtOn.

The Baltimore & Ohio railroad is the only
line that offers passengers a saving Of 800
on through tickets from and via Chicago to
New York City. with stop-Over privilege At
Pittsburgh. Washington. Baltimore and
Philadelphia. Three trains daily from Chit
cage eleotrio-hghted For further informa-
don address w. A. Preston, T. p. A.. 2A
Clark ST., Chicago. or b. ~ Austin. Gen
eral Passenger Agent Chicago.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-03-29

with a safety pin while bandaging wound
In the operating room a week ago.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-11-09
A Good Position.

Can be had by ambitious young
men and ladies in the field OF
wireless" or railway telegraphy.
Since the 8-hour law became
effective, and since the wireless
companies are establishing sta
tions throughout the country
there is a great shortage of tel
egraphers. Positions pay from
$40 to 500 per month with good
chance for advancement. The
National Telegraph Institute of
Portland, Oregon, operates under
supervision of r. r. and wireless
officials and places all graduates
into positions. 1t will pay you to
write for full details.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-11-09
Dickens, crampsd Quarters.

Bleak House at Broadstairs is Of
interest to the Dickens lover because
the greater part of David Copper
field" was written there But it is moi
the Bleak House of the novel. which
is definitely located in Hertfordshire
The novelist and his family appear tO
have been somewhat tightly packed in
their Broadstairs home. When Lord
Carlisle contemplated paying a visit to
''our watering place" in 1851 Dickens
wrote promising him the North Fore
land lighthouse for a night light in his
bedroom. and he continues. "As we
think of putting mignonette boxes out.
side the windows for the younger chill
dren to sleep in by and by | am
afraid we should give your servant the
cramp if we hardly undertook to lodge
him" During recent years the house
has been transformed out of all recog-
nition.-London Spectator.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-11-09
A FISH STORY.
The Man Who Told II Said Il Was
Simply a True Narrative.

The Man Who Told II Said Il Was
Simply a True Narrative.
A man who formerly was a waiter
on big transatlantic liner told this
story the other day:
"On a certain trip over had at my
table an irascible old gentleman who
was fresh air fiend No matter what
the weather he always insisted on
having the portfolio over the table
open. 1t was no use to argue with
him. but one day when the seas were
very high and the ship pitching and
rolling | ventured to demonstrate. He
was up in arms in Il minute. You are
paid to obey orders, he said tartly.
open that port did The soup
course was served in safety. Then
asked him If he would have fish. of
course | WILL be snapped And I'll
have it in a hurry. Don't keep me
waiting all day.
Just at that moment an unusually
big sea rolled by-that is, part of it
did A goodly portion came through
the portfolio. soaking the old man and
depositing on the table in front of him
a live fish. No waiter on board of
our ship had ever served an order so
quickly before. But | didn't get any
credit for it. The queer thing about
that story" he added. lis that 1t isn't
a fish story at all. never told it yet
to any one who believed it, but it is
absolutely true."-New York Press.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1911-11-09
His Own Joke,

'I admit was found in the posses
sion of firearms" said the prisoner
''but it's only joke of mine. my lord.
Explain YOURSELF" said the magis
trate
why. put two pistols in my pocket
when | go out to a friendly gather
ing. Then l start talking of aero
planes"
"Well?"
''Then say my life was once saved
by parachutes."
"YesP"
'And pull out the pistols and say,
Pair O. shoots Ia! ha! SeeY'
"Yes, see. Did you make up that
Joke yourselfT"
Eyes, my lord"
1.-TWO years hard abor."-London
Answers.