davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
GLOBE SIGHTS.
Iron the Atchison Glob

IFrom the Atchison Globe.1
Ever hear of town that didn't have
enough saloons?
Being home grown isn't much of i
help to the cucumber
Remember that very few fighters
have been whipped by the referee.
Nearly everyone is marksman enough
to hit an innocent bystander.
A job is the best looking thing to
man who hasn't one, nor any money.
One shouldn't carry his notions Of
thrift and economy as far as the soap
dish.
It is good deal easier to drive some
men to drink than to drive them away
from 1T.
Neither did anyone ever become a
capitalist from the prizes he won at
shooting gallery 4M
Ever think what a disturbance tn"
average man would make if his wife
should learn to smoke.
If a woman's clothes are entirely
satisfactory, she can get ready for the
theater on time, all right.
Having the waiter take his time a bout
it seems to be some landlords notion
of superior service
Possibly, also. there are those who
overestinate the authors autograph
in the book he has written.
Speaking of disappointments. did YOU
ever see the Gorgeous Costumes of thu
circus at close range?
While we are no chef, it is our gas
trononic guess that the crust shouldn't
be the thickest part of a pie.
A man may doubt the weather 5u-
reau, but he never loses confidence III
the foresight of mis- rheumatism.
Problem for today: What is the
man who used to manufacture mus
tache wax. doing for a living rowg
Indians are such a serious PEOPLE
that one who didn't know might De-
lieve they were thinking of SON. ething.
Only in the magazine stories can the
young man who barely made the team
be counted on to play the best foot
ball.
As long as a clairvoyant can make a
living at her trade, book agents
shouldn't feel uneasy about the future
outlook.
Anthony Comstock is still trying to
make the world better by providing
wardrobes for the statues before win
ter sets in.
No one killed on a football field is
going to have his picture hung in our
Hall of Famous Martyrs.
Speaking of harbingers of fall (if
fall has 'em same as sumnier). there
is the sere and yellow hammock u lch
now has to be only self-supprting.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
THE CALIFORNIA ELECTION.

Aa though it were intended as a re-
buke to President Taft the recall has
been adopted by an overwhelming ma
jority OF the votes of California at
time coincident with his visit to that
state. The woman suffrage amend
ment to the constitution again is de-
feated.
Both of these results probably are
due in a large measure to the great
number of people of foreign birth re-
siding in the state. This class of voters
in every state is as rule, opposed to
giving the ballot to women.
On the other hand their socialistic
tendencies lead them to the support
OF radical measure like the initiative
referendum and recall.
The result should not discourage
the suffragists in Kansas. Our pop
ulation il of a different character
from that of California. It is much
more truly American. Let them for
get California and remember Wash
ington and they may be happy yet.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

The BILLS
Here's the postman with the bills.
At his coming how my solar plexus
How it trembles, trembles, trembles
With a kind of quaking fright
AS the nfssives he assemblies
(While my tragic face resembles
A storm threatened. starless night
Seem to climb, climb, climb,
To an altitude sublissse,
Heaping till they make a ghostly range
of frigid-looking hills
OF the bills. bills, bills, bills.
Bills, bills, bills
art-distressing. depressing. unpaid
bills.
Here are yellow wedding bills
Golden billsi
What a world of WEAKNESS their guam
tity insti1lsi
Though they're reminiscent, quite,
OF time of pure delight.
Now they make me madly note,
And all in vain,
That l must have been the goat
When those turtle-doves were married
do they gloat
Ger my pain?
Oh, these bills are bitter pills;
What a juicy bank account their hQuida-
ton kills!
How it chills.
How it spills
Into Nothing! How it rills
Into bill collectors tills
While those endless checks I'm drawing,
Paying bills. bills, bills,
Paying bills, bills, bills, bills,
Bills, bills, bills
AS the color keeps retreating from my
gills!
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
HIGH PRICE Or sUGAR.

complaint regarding the high
price of sugar has been forwarded to
President Taft from Connecticut. The
signers charge that the sugar trust is
collecting from the consumers the
fines levied against it by the federal
courts.
The allegation appears to be justi-
fled by the facts. The trust declares
that the big advance in prices is due
to a short crop. A diligent search of
the consular reports fails to reveal a
shortage in any part of the world. In
fact. the Cuban crop has been har-
vested and is unusually heavy.
In the light of experience with the
sugar trust it seems fortunate for the
consumers of the products of petro-
leum that the fine of $29,OOO,0O
levied against the Standard Oil COM
pany by Judge Lands failed to stand.
1t would have been heavy burden
on the public.
Fines assessed against corporations
are like taxes in that they are always
paid, ultimately. by the wage earners,
because they are powerless to shift the
burden.
Fines as corrective measures are all
ways, to a great extent. failures. They
are in the nature of a license. The
culprit pays the price and is at liberty
to repeat his offense. Imprisonment
is the only real terror of the evil doer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
JAYHAWKER JOTS

H. A. Lii has made his bow and re-
tired from the management of the
Hutchinson Gazette
The ottawa Republic is rather hop
ing that the Wichita man who has
invented a beet harvester may make
it applicable to the newspaper dead
beats.
1t is suggested that if all the organ
CARNATIONS he is president of en-
dorse Ralph Faxon as a candidate for
congress in the Seventh district the
nomination Will be practically unani-
nous.
Thomas A. Edison says he's 10
years old. because he has worked IL
hours a day for long time. He wants
to live to $50. And at that rate some
of the editors the Coffeyville Journal
knows are about 345.
While the police of Winfield are
threatening to enforce the law against
Parsons Sun, the officers in Cherokee
county are enforcing the law against
selling booze to miners.
Tom Cordrv has lived the simple,
quiet, peaceful life so long in Parsons
that he has acquired the habit of re-
now and then he publishes statements
very embarrassing to some of his read
ers.-Independenee Reporter.
The faculty of the Coffeyville high
school has voted to join the state de-
batting league and to arrange for inter-
class debates this winter. The school
will probably be divided into two de-
batting classes. The cup and prize con-
tests Will also be held as in recent
years
Fred Bates, a Jefferson county farm
er, bought a $1,000 Improvement bond
from Lawrence and concealed it in
building on his place. The wind blew
it away and the city gave him another
The citizens of Fort Scott are in a
fuss with the gas and electric light
company.
The church bell-how its melodies
ring, as its tones vibrate and linger.
The fashionable belle, with a bow on
finger A political ring is a very bad
thing-it scoops the fool and the
scholar; but SO pleasing a ring has no
earthly thing as the ring of the hard
silver dollar.-Williamsbu Star.
When a town man gets the chicken
fever, says the Holton Recorder, there
is nothing on earth that will cure it ex-
cept to let it run its course. In most
cases the only thing his neighborS can
do is to quarantine against it with
woven wire fence. Another thing we
have noticed, a person is not immune
because of having it once. He is liable
to a second attack and sometimes the
second attack is more virulent than the
first.
Newton boasts the arrival of a train
for every half hour in the tWenty-fOur.
James Haston, a Reno county farm
er, planted 100 acres of broom corn.
He raised thirty tons of brush which
he sold for 1885, or $165 a ton. and
200 tens of fodder marlborough him
$1,000, making a total of $3.50. Mr..
Haston says that the total cost of pro-
duction was not more than $500, leav-
Ing him a net profit of $500, not
counting anything for the use of his
land. In other words, he realizes $50
per acre on his ground.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

Joe is here again. remarked Mrs.
Ollie Everingham, the matron at the
union depot, last night.
"Oh, don't you know Joe?" she
continued somewhat surprised. why.
we all think Joe is the most wonderful
now" and she pointed out a manly
little chap of II years who promenad-
ed down the aisle with the air of fam
iliarity Characteristic of all veteran
travellers.
Yes, I'm quite a traveller. in spite
of my age said Joe, apparently very
anxious to talk travel. when reach
Douglas. Ariz.. on this trip it will
make over $500 miles I have covered
between my grandpa's farm, near FL
den, Mo, and my Aunt Jennies, in
Douglas This is my fifth trip.
made the first when 1 was years old,
and have made all of them alone"
Joe has become a favorite with the
officials at the union depot. and it is
not to be wondered at for yesterday
he appeared with a large basket Of
peaches fresh from grandpa's farm"
and distributed them among the Off
Gals. JOe'S mother died when he was
IL months old, and he has been an
orphan for four years He says he
just travels because he likes to, and
his one ambition is to 'go round the
world"
"I'll bet he remarked confidently,
that I could beat that Frenchman's
record of around the world in 40
day.
son isn't afraid of asking questions"
said Joe I'm all my travelling 1 new
er have had a bit of trouble. except
once missed my train at Ell Paso,
to wait over a day-"-Kansas City
Star
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
QUAKER SIEDTTATIONs.
[From the Philadelphia Record.

From the Philadelphia Record.
Lots of men follow the races, but
mighty few keep ahead OF them.
Pride goeth before a fall. but the
most humble boat that floats II
proved.
The fool is never 80 stingy with his
folly as the wise man Is with his Wis
DOM
It's pretty safe bet that a man has
Just as many friends as he deserves.
The fellow who becomes famous
over night always wakes UP the next
morning.
Many fellow proposes on his knees
70 an heiress in the hope that she Will
set him on his feet.
Some people keep us so busy listen
ing to their troubles that we haven't
time to think of our own.
Virtue is its own reward" quoted
the wise Guy. yes. but there are lots
of people who don't seem to care
about the reward" added the Simple
Mug
MY daughter" admonished the
fond mother. "if that young man ever
tries to kiss you slap his face" Il al
ways do" replied the dutiful daughter
Hoax-"Subbubs bought a place out
at Swamphurst, and his garden Is com
pletely under water" JoaX-"Maybe
the Fellow who lived there before
planted leeks in it."
Nell-''Why is she getting a d.
vorce ?" Belle-'@The man she mar
ried turned out to be a bad egg" Nell
And now she is trying to get rid or
the matrimonial yoke, eh2"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
HUAOR or THE DAY

do you think that man fully apprec-
iates the Importance OF the office to which
we have elected him?" said one conafitu-
ent. Il guess he does" replied the other
The first thing he did was to say Il ought
to command a larger salary. "-Washing-
ton Star.
Wireless Operator-Head Beaten reports
pack Of grouse in the bay: should arrive
in about two minutes. Capel Court Mag
nate-Well, send that message about
Amalgamated Ice, and then give me my
gun.-Punch.
willie. mamma has great surprise for
you Jaw. know what IL is-biR bruv-
yer is back from his vacation" How did
you know" My bank won't rattle anv
more. "-Youngstown Telegram.
What conclusion did you reach in your
discussion of votes for women7" asked
Mr. Meekton. "Our discussions do not aim
to reach a conclusion" was the digniffed
reply. They are always to be continued"
Washington Star.
Doctor I want you to look after my
office while I'm on vacation" But I've
just graduated, doctor. Have had no ex-
perience." That's all right. my boy. Ny
practice IS strictly fashionable. Tell the
men to play golf and ship the lady
patients or to Europe. Louisville Cour-
ier-Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

TOIn inc NHICdBO NEWS.
Matrimony is the mother of excuses.
It's easier to make a break than it is
to mend ii.
wise man is merely less of a fool
than the average.
All things the hustler doesn't want
comes to him who waits.
The racing drama isn't the only kind
that is full of horse play.
The only kind of red hair a woman
likes to have is not the real thing.
If a man hasn't any sense some
woman is sure to think he is senti-
mental
Even with a 9S cent watch the lead
er of an orchestra may be able to keep
good time.
A man may be right when he claims
that distance lends enchantment to the
view-or he may be away of.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
FROM OTHER PENS
..GREATLY sHoCKED."

I'VE are greatly shocked" volunteers
the head of the pulp and paper com
pany whose dam. collapsing, brought
death upon Austin. A proper senti-
ment and typical The American peo-
pie are most convincing in moods of
amazement and CONSERVATION. They
are most themselves when they are
greatly shocked" which they are pref
ty frequently. Temperaments of less
ardor and more calculation than theirs
do not shock so effectively, because
they get less exercise. Instead of cele-
brating calamity, less gifted peoples
merely prevent it. Such a people, for
example, would have needed the first
warning given by the Austin dam last
year. They would not have permitted
a moving picture of the deluge to be
staged in the remote Pennsylvania val
ley. BY forestalling disaster the phleg-
matte German and the dull-witted
Englishman may make life safer in
their jurisdictions; but that is dry,
routine business that does not appeal to
American emotions.-New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

Ordinary school histories are written
to sell. rather than TO instruct: many
important discoveries are passed UP
without mention. Historical facts arc
neglected, or the speed limit is broken
in passing over them. It is the pur-
pose of this series to give the struE-
Cling school children the same chance
that school children had in the daya OF
the Blueback Speller. and other liter
airy gems Kindly observe the wide
scope and exhaustive research Of ous
history series; nothing Is neglected:
minute details are covered with care
and premeditated malice aforethouRht.
Today. we present for your inspec-
ton Hon. Barnum. who not only dis
covered that time is money, but discov-
cred also the banker to cash it-Hon.
American Public. Barnum said: "Ths
public likes to be humbugged" Hum
plugged" IS an obsolete form OF coll
loquial expression meaning trimmed
or "bunked." The late Hon. Barnum
seems to have been an expert at this
favorite form of out-and-indoor sport.
and it is said that he enjoyed it.
Pipe this classic:
CompendiOus History (Iesson VIII
Discoveries require some art
UNLESS by diagram or charity
Important ones are far apart
And there is little in IT,
Unless. by chance. one lifts the I'D
Beneath which some great truth lies hid
And finds.-as p. T. Barnum did:
There's one born every minute"
And, Barnum also found away,
TO MAKE THAT EVERY MINUTE
PAY!
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
IFron the New York Press.J

IFrom the New York Press.]
A man is willing his wife should
have some of the bed covers till cold
nights come
You can hate a man good and hard
for liking to get up early so that he is
held UP to you as an example.
A girl doesn't have to fool her moth
er about how she isn't crazy over men;
her mother fools herself about it.
If the baby never stopped yelling its
mother would say it was just envy
that made the neighbors mention it.
It's easier for your lawyer to get
money out of lawsuit for you than
for any of it to be left over for you
to get out of him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

water at a cost of SO per ounce, and. as
gold at present market prices is worth
$2067 per ounce, the margin of profit
in manufacturing gold from sea water,
if the process is what is claimed for it.
viii be large. But what's the use. We
are being told that there is too much
gold now
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
THE STRONG ARM.

Turkeys lack of navy rather than
Italy's possession of one is a vindica-
ton of the American policy of provid-
ing adequate defenses on the sea. In
the form Of battleships and cruisers.
There is historic incident and event
in abundance to justify preparation In
possible attack, and the greater ne ID
of the United States is for prepared
ness on the sea. There are short
sighted persons who preach the doc
trine OF beating our armor plate and
14-inch guns into agricultural imple-
ments and ceasing to make more. bit
the folly of such a course ought to be
apparent IN the lurid light OF war and
threats of war since our own encoun
ter with Spain. 1t is a short time
since then in the history of nations,
but much has happened to prove that
defensive ornaments even II tins age
which we term enlightened are the
most certain insurance of peace
Pittsburg Gazette Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

The following from the Memphis
Commercial Appeal is respectfully
commended to the attention of Attor-
ney General Dawson: Prohibition
Kansas is eating whisky jelly which
seems to have all the attributes and
celebrating qualities of the regular
three-finger ORDER,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12
NOW BE SENSIBLE.

Under the above caption the Chi
cago Tribune, through its editorial
columns addresses the thousands Of
past, present and prospective victims
OF the unclaimed estate fake which
has been worked more or less success
fully in this county. The Tribune SAYS:
Suppose the Netherlands govern
lent did sequester sixty years ago an
estate then unclaimed which would
amount now, if it had been we'll man
aged, to $180,000,000? How can any
one who knows anything of the world
in general and the Netherlands in
particular imagine that any govern
ment would hand over $3.50, 100000
or a fraction of that sum, to the al
legged heirs of a man who died two
centuries ago?
The Dutch are, a thrifty people;
What they get they hold. The total
annual revenues of the Netherlands
amount to about SIS, 100000. There
would be popular uprising if the
government were to hand over more
than twice that sum to some Ameri-
can claimants of Dutch descent.
The unclaimed estate" has usually
been a will-o'-the-wisp in chasing
which many good American dollars
have been lost. This Dutch estate may
be q myth. One is the more inclined
to think so because it is said to amount
wera an estate, it is too late to claim
il, and the Netherlands government
never would disgorge.
II the alleged heirs are shrewd they
will not put up money to hire law
yers to work up the case If they
gal unclaimed estates sharks it
would cost them pretty penny.
Whatever they may spend in any way
on this claim they never viii get back.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

or who has mastered the mysteries of
the binomial theorem as being a blue
stocking. If it is unfeminine to think
upon public issues and to express opin-
ions by the putting of a bit of paper
in a box. surely by the same token it
is unfeminine to think about anything
or to perform any action that comes
of thinking.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

According to the annual report of
the comptroller of the city OF New
York. the cost of running the city in
1910 was more than the combined ex-
penditures of the Is next largest cities
of the country
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

Japan's population is increasing at
the rate of over $780, year About
30 years ago when the population was
100000 the total foreign commerce
amountey to less than 22,OOO. 900. At
present, with a population of over
10000. 600, Japan's annual business
with the outside world aggregates
$461. 600. 900. and the steady increase
in both population and foreign trade
seems destined to continue
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12


The Morning Gourd" says headline
fully: Taft Criticised for Climb OF
Mt. Rainier" Small dispatch beneath
said headline confirms the suspicion
that a few preachers had criticised the
entertainment committee for taking
Hon. Taft up on the mountain" on
Sunday. But, one should not condemn
the Morning Gourd as a professional
misleader. One frequently finds the
name of a deceased person under its
Obituaries" headline. Old residents
assert that several times. during the
past 80 years, said Morning Gourd has
printed items without making any a.
tempt to mislead the public or further
its political policy.
%(There's nothing of Importance In
(Outside OF the S. T. column)
The first harem skirt shock has just
reached Lawrence. Lawrence is i'm
proving; this sensation is only three
years late.
Being shaved by a woman barber ia
NOT a thrill.-it Is a scare. Although
some may not realize the fact. there il
a difference between these two emo
tions.
It is to be hoped that the Cowiev
county farmers. who are taking the
new north-and-south road into court
will present the exhibit only after Il
has been neatly folded.
Hep
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

Colorado has a new law regarding
the stage child. It permits the appear
ance of children in the theater. but
provides for the education and care of
every child thus engaged. A parent
or guardian must accompany The
youthful actor or actress and the num-
Der of performances are limited so that
the health of the child may in no way
be Jenpardizcd. Women vote and help,
to make the laws in Colorado.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

Why shouldn't there be uniform price
for money orders? There appears to
be no good reason for charging more
for a large order than for small one.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

II woodrow Wilson be nominated
for the presidency by the Democrats
perhaps Sunday school hymns will
become an issue in the campaign.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

When DR.. Wiley gets around to it he
may apply his pure food and drug
regulations to politics and see that the
public receives a brand that is true to
label
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

Lincoln Sterens says college men are
not politicians. Does that account fo-
woodrow Wilson's refusal Of an en-
dorsement for the presidency?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

An Omaha doctor recommends the
rest cure in cases of appendicitis. Res
for the patient or the surgeons?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

Uncle Jim Hills reference to ''politi-
cal ghost dancing calls to mind the
fact that it is frequently followed by
a curtailment of ghost walking.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

That can't be much of a war in
Africa It does not seem to have at
tracted the attention of Richard Hard
inc Davis
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

The movement in favor of world
peace has been given q boost in New
York by the passage Of disarma-
ment ordinance.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

It is announced that 500 works of
fiction are to published this fall and
the presidential campaign is yet to
come
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-10-12

Must the streets always be torn
up?" asks the New York World If
New York is like Topeka, they must.