davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

A student at the Western Reserve
university suffers from obesity. II ap.
pears that even professors do not love
fat man. After particularly un.
successful recitation m an English
course the professor said; ALAS, Mr..
Blank You are better fed than
taught"
That's right. professor" sighed
the youth. subsiding heavily. you
teach me; feed myself"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

Two men Of Milwaukee were dis
cussing the case Of person OF their
acquaintance whose obituary, II APP
pears. had been printed by mistake In
one Of that city's newspapers.
"Oh. hol" exclaimed one OF the
Germans 80 dey haf printed der
funeral notice OF man who is not
dead already Veil. now. he'd be In n
nice hx II he vas one OF dose beeble
vot believes everything dey sees In
dor papers. "-Harpor'a Magazine.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

Little Augustus Johnson had learn.
I'd some things about the face Of a
clock. but not quite al there ia to
know.
what time is II, 'GustuI7" asked
nls employer one night. to tcst him.
ITS jes' o'clock" said the boy.
after a careful survey OF the clock
mo. you're wrong" said his en-
ployor ut won't be for quito n
while yot-not for twenty minutes"
"Bofc hands Is Printing To s. jes' as
straight as dcy can pint" said tho
boy stubbornly. III dcy amt telling
de truf. ! cyan't help lt"-Youth's
Companion.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31
CHAPTER TX.

The Lights on 81. Apathas Pier.
on my way homo through st. Aga
tha's | stopped to question the two
guards They had heard nothing, had
seen nothing. How that girl had
passed them did not know. scanned
the main building. whore she and Miss
Pat had two rooms. with an interyen.
Ing sitting room. but all was dark
Miss Helen Holbrook was undenlably
rcsourceful young woman OF charm
and wit. and ! went on TO Glenarm
House with a new respect for her
cleyerness
was abroad early the next morn.
lng, retracing my steps through St
Agatha's TO the stone bench on the
blum with vague notion Of confirming
my memory Of tho night by actual con
tact with visible. tangible things. The
lake twlnkled In the sunlight. the sky
overhead was a iiawlcss sweep OF blue.
and the foliage fhone from the dclugc
Of the early night. But in the soft mold
Of the path the prints OF womans
shoe were unmlstnkable, | bent down
and examined them; | measured them
-ungraclously. indefonslbly. guilty
with my hand. and rose convinced
that the neat outlines spoke ofa modish
booimakcr. and were not apt To be eN'
planned away as marking the lightly
limned step OF a fairy or the gold
sandalcd flight Of Diana. Then de
scended TO ST. Afathas aud found
Miss Pat and Hs;cn lettering tranquil
~ In the garden.
They gave me good morning Miss
Pat calm and gracious. and Helen In
the spirit OF the morning Itself. smll
Ing, cool, and arguing 'or peace. Do
coption. az social accomplishment,
she had undoubtedly carried far; and
| was hard put to hold up my end Of
the game. have practlced lying with
pnstmnsters In the art-tho bazaar
keepers Of Cairo. horse dealers In
Moscow and rug brokers IN Teheran
but dipped my colors TO this amazing
girl.
I'm afraid that We are making our
selves nuisance to you" said Miss
Pat Il heard the watchmen patroling
the walks last night"
YES. II was quite feudal!' Helen
broke in II felt that We were back
AT least as far as the eleventh cen.
tury The splash Of water-whlch you
can hear when the lake IL rough
must be quite like the lap OF water In
a moat Hut / did not hear the clank
Of arms"
No" | observed, dryly lima
wears blue serge and carries gun
that would shoot clear through II cru
sader The gardener is a scotchman,
and his dialect would KIN horse"
Miss Pat paused behind MS to de
llberatc upon new species Of holly
hook whose minarets rose level with
her kind gentle eyes Something had
boon In my mind and | took this OPP
portunily to speak TO Helen.
why don't you avert danger and
avoid an ugly catastrophe by confess
ing TO Miss Pat that your duty and
sympathy lie with your father? II
would save lot OF trouble IN the
end"
The flame leaped into Helen's face
rs she turned TO me.
Il don't know what you meant
have never been spoken to by any one
so outrageousy!" She glanced hur
riedly over her shoulder My position
Is hard enough. It is dihlcult enough
without this, / thought you wished
to help us"
stareo at her; she was dlfting Gut
of my reckoning, and leading me into
uncharted seas,
CTo BE CoNTINUEpD
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31
What She Wanted.

Father TO his daughter) I've
brought you a either for your birth.
day, my dear. and a book by which
you can teach yourself to play on II
In month.
Daughter-"But II was the either
teacher wanted most -FliegeDde
nlnIInr
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31
Advanced Fast.

Mike. didn't you have some trou.
bic when you landed at New York;"
"Dlyil a bit, sor,"
you hadn't any password admit
ting you TO the country. had your"
mo. sor. but before had been In
the country tin days had the grip"
Chicago Tribune.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

It's oftcncr Rosallnd. ! bore you don't
object MIR Donovan"
NO. rather Ike II; it's In keeping
with your variable character. You
seem prone. like Rosalind. to wood
land wandering. I dare say the Other
people Of the cast will appear In due
season. So Ear have seen only the
Fool"
THE Fool? oh. yes; there was
TOuchstone. wasn't therc?"
IL believe II is admitted that there
was"
She laughed: felt that we wer,
bound TO get on better, now that w
understood each other.
you are rather proud Of your at
tainments. aren't you? have really
read the play. Mr. Donovan; have
even seen II acted"
Il did not mean to reflect on your
intelligence. which is acute enough. OF
on your attachments. which are sui
iiclent; or on your experience Of life
We'll spokenl really believe that
| am liking you better all the time
| Mr.. Donovan"
My heart Is swollen with gratitude
You heard my talk with your father nj
his cottage last night And then you
flew back to Miss Pat and played the
/ hypocritc with the artlcssness Of Rosa
llnd-the real Rosnlind,"
Did |? Then I'm as clever az am
wicked, You, no doubt. are as wise as
/ you are good"
She folded her ans with quick
movement. the better I thought, 70
express satisfaction with her own
share OF the talk; then her manner
changed abruptly She rested hei
hands on the back OF the bench and
bent toward me.
My father dealt very generously
with you. You were an intruder n,
was well within his rights In capturing
you. And. more than that. Won drew
to our place some enemies Of YOU
own who may yet do MS grave injury
They were no enemies Of mlne'
Didn't you hear me debating that mat
ter with your father? They were MI.
enemies and they pounced on me by
mistake. It's not their fault that they
didn't XIII mel"
That's a likely story. That little
creek Is the quietest place In the
world"
How do you know" | demanded
bending closer toward her.
because my father tells me sol
That was the reason he chose H."
He wanted a place to hide whcr
the cities became too hot for him.
| advise you, Miss Holbrook. In view o
all that has happened. and n you hny,
any sense OF decency left, 10 kceI
away from there"
And suggest to you. Mr. Donovan
that your devotion TO my aunt doe'
not require you to pursue my father
/ You do well To remember that stran
ger thrusting himself into the affair
| OF family he does not know puts him
self In very bad light"
u am not asking your admiration
Miss Ilolbrook."
You may save yourself the trou
ble!' she flashed; and then laueho,
out merrily. Let us not be so alb
| sutd' We are quarreling like two
school children over an apple, ~
really pleasure TO meet you In thli
unconventional fashion, but we mus
he amlable. Our Affairs will not b.
settled by words am sure Of that.
must beg OF you, the next time YOU
come forth at night, to wear YOU
cloak and dagger. The stage setting q
fair enough; and the players shoulC
dress their parts becomlngly. ! an
already named Rosalind-at night
Aunt Pat We will call the Duchess II
exile; and we were speaking a mo
ment ago OF the Fool Well, yes
uors was a Fool"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

Mr.. Jawbank-"My dear. was ono
OF the flrst 10 leave"
Mrs. Jawback-"oh. you always say
that"
Mr., Jawback-"I can prove II this
time. Look out In the hall and see the
beautiful umbrella brought home
Toledo Blade.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

did that explorer suffer any ply.
steal ailmont as result of his trip
TO tho arctic reglons?"
"Yos"
what was IT,"
Writers cramp." Washington
Star.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31
One on the Parson.

Parson Joiner-lt must be dreadful
TO have to impose a life sentence
upon man, Judge.
Judge Jolly-You ought to know,
parson; you do It yourself-Boston
Transcript
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

Figg-Don't you wish You could live
your life over again?
Fogg-Well, ! should say not I've
got twenty.yoar endowment policy
maturing this month-Boston Trans.
cTipt
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

The vacant room az the top is due
TO the fact that there Is no elevator
service to help the lazy man.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

Have you seen my Descent Into
HELP" asked poet
NO" said Currnn. warmly: 81
should he delighted to see It"-From
Clarks Eminent Lawyers"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

For disordcrcd liver, take Garfield Tea,
the Herb laxative. All druggists.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31


llshel q testimonial or used q letter
without the written consent of the
writer aud neycr-,has tho Company
allowed these confidential letters TO
got ont IL their possession, as tho
hundreds % thousands OF them in
their Eirs VIII attest.
Out OF the vast volume OF experience
which Mrs. Pinkham has 10 draw
from, i Is more than possible that sha
has gained the very Knowledge need d
IN your case. She asks nothing In re-
turn except yoUr good will, and her
advice las helped thousands. Surely
any woman, rich or poor, should DO
glad 90 take advantage of this gener-
Gus otter of assistance. Address Mrs.
Hnkham, care Of LYDIA i. PinkLam
Medicine Co., Lynn, Mass.
Every woman ought to have
Lydia II. PinlSham's SO-pago
Text Book. 1t Is not a book for
general distribution, as IL is too
expensive. IL Is free and only
obtainat'" NV mail. Write for
Il today
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31
FREE
ADVICE
TO WOMEN

Women suffering from any form Of
fitness are invited to promptly COM
municate with Mrs. Pinkham at Lynn,
Mass. All letters are received, opened,
fead and answered by women. A Mo-
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

="
man can freely talk
of her private i'll
ness to q woman;
thus has been es-
tablisled this con-
fdence between
Mrs. Pinkham and
the women OF
America which has
never been broken.
Never has ALE Dtlb-
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1911-03-31

PILES. CURED IN q TO - DAYS
Iouf lnuEgst All nHfund muurF " pALO ONT.
MINT fails "a cute gnf ease ~ tcHny Hind
Biceding Of ftOtfudins FILES ia 10 u days. LOc.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25
WRONG SORT
Perhaps Plain Old Meat, Potatoes and
Bread May Be Against You
for a Time.

A change to the right kind OF food
can lift one from a sick bed. A lady
In Weldon, ILL.,, says:
Last spring became bed-fast with
severe stomach troubles accompanied
by sick headache. l got worse and
worse until l became so low / could
scarcely retain any food at all. al
though | tried about every kind.
Il had become completely discour.
aged, and given up all hope, and
thought l was doomed to starve to
death, until one day my husband. try
Ing to find something | could retain.
brought home some Grape-Nuts
TO my surprise the food agreed
with me. digested perfectly and with
out distress. ! began to gain strength
at once. My flesh (Which had been
nabby). grew firmer. my health i'm
proved In every way and every day,
and In very few weeks | gained 20
pounds In weight.
Il liked Grape-Nuts so we'll that for
four months ate no other food. and
always felt as well satisfied after eat.
ing as If / had sat down to fine ban
Quet.
Il had no return OF the miserable
sick stomach nor of the headaches,
that ! used to have when ate other
food | am now well woman, doing
all my own work again. and feel that
life is worth living.
"Grape-Nuts food has been a Cod
send to my family; it surely saved my
ME; and my two little boys have
thriven on II wonderfully" Name
given by Postum Co.. Battle Creek.
Mich.
Read the little book. The Road to
Wellville," in pkgs. There's a reason"
Ever read the above Ieners A new
enc appears from time to time. They
o0terest.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25

many Of them doing more harm than
good
One enthusiast. who has been much
In evidence. Is telling the people how
they can get good roads without
money. He might as well try to boost
himself over fence by pulling at his
boot straps.
The good roads question is a ire
menoously big one and must be han
died in big way. No one can mas
ter the subject in a short time. The
writer las spent Is years digging into
IL from every angle and he feels that
there is yet much to learn. Some good
roads enthusiasts have proposed the
building Of great national highways
connecting all the capitals of the
states. or a great trans-continental
roadway from Boston to San Francis
co, or from Chicago TO the gulf. Such
roads would be tremendously expen-
sive, and about the only thing that
they could be used for would be as
speedways for automobiles. These are
not the roads that the public needs.
In the building of highways there
are two great questions involved. One
is the economic advantages TO be
gained from the transportation view
point, and this means good roads from
the farm home 70 the market Town.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25
II Seems PuxzIlna.

Recently in Pittsburg Mrs Rather
Inc Maxon mith-Baumgardner. re
puted TO be the wealthiest woman In
Louisville. KY, embarked on the mat.
rimonial sea for the fourth time by
becoming the bride OF Carl Naumeyer,
also of Louisville. The bride is said
to be very close TO eighty-thres
years OF age and the groom
somewhat over half OF that. At some
what the same time In Paris Mrs. Al
bert Clifford Barney. of Washington
who owns up to sixty-one winters and
who is worth some $4,000 600. married
Christian ID. Hemmick. OF Washington
who is twenty-six years of age. Their,
are times when matrtmony looks Xix.
maternal love.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25
ALAS FOR THE PETITE.

Like English women. French womeR
are growing taller-at least, In Paris.
The results of the careful and minute
measurement OF 255 Parisiennes. aged
from twenty-one to ffty-fve years."
have been communicated to the Acad.
envy Of Sciences, says the Pail Mall
Gazette. 1t was found that the aver
age height OF the Partisan woman has
increased from s feet 6-100 inches to
8 feet 23-l00 inches. They are taller
by almost ! " inches than the women
Of the rest OF France. At the same
time we are told that In 1909 1879
English mothers and daughters were
similarly measured. and the results
communicated there. The average
height for the mothers was found to
be feet 84-1OO inches, and for the
daughters feet rs inches. English
women had thus grown just over ~
Inches in generation. Whether the
Sbb Parisians measured were mothers
or daughters, or both. Is not stated.
The only conclusion to be derived
from the statistics in this connection.
accordingly. is that the Parlsienne Of
1911 In height comes between the Eng.
lish mother and the English daughter
Of 1911. But she Is not half an inch
taller than the former, and has still
much to grow before she reaches the
contemporary English girl.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25

opher. who. after listening to a young
lady Of voluble conversation, said
What relief 1t would be II she would
stop talking for little while and do
some thinking"
There are disciples without number
who feel they are called to preach the
gospel Of good roads. They know lit
tie or nothing of the subject, but the
desire IL strong and impelling. II re-
minds one OF the young divinity stu
dent with very little aptitude for the
profession he proposed to adopt and
from which the bishop was trying to
disuade him because he regarded him
as wholly inapt. The man maintained
he was called to preach and therefore
he was to obey the summons. The
bishop asked him in what manner the
call had come. He said he had had a
dream in which he saw outlined In
the heavens clearly in letters OF white
p. c." which he interpreted to mean
togo and preach Christ, The bishop
told him he had no doubt be had seen
the vision as stated, but he~had misin-
terpreted It. and that the letters "P,
C." In his case meant to pillow corn.
1t is so with the good roads advocates,
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25
Doctors Said He Would Die
4 Friends Advice SAVES Lie

wish to speak of the wonderful cum
that l have received from your noted
6wamp-Root, the great kidney and blad-
der cure. Last summer i was taken with
severe pains in my back and sides.
could not breathe without difficulty and
was nearly wild with the desire to urinate
Was compelled to do 20 every ten min.
utes with the passage of pure blood with
the urine. tried all the different doc.
tors from far and near, but they said il
vas no use to doctor az / would die any
way. l was at the end of my rope And
was SO miserable with pain and the
thought that must die that words can
not tell how felt. One day a friend told
me Of the wonderful help she had received
hom DR.. Kilmer's Swamp Root. She gave
me one of your pamphlets which read
and determined to try Swamp Root. After
taking half bottle l felt better. Have
now taken ten bottles and am well as !
ever was, thanks to Swamp Root. wish
"a tell all suffering people that have kid
ney, liver or bladder trouble, that DR.. Kill
mer's Swamp Root il the best medicine on
the market.
All persons doubling this statement can
write to me and l viii answer them di.
recty, Yours very truly,
CLYDE F. CAMERER,
Resale, Wash.
Subscribed and sworn to before me this
BIRD day of July, 1909.
VERNE TOWNE, Notary Public.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25
Burglar BefrIended Him.

A burglar was arrested for robbiag
house up the state some time since
and the next morning the victim rush
ed wildly into the magistrates office
AS soon as he could get his breath to
working again he told the official that
he had come to see about the pris-
oner.
Glad you came down." was the az
fable response OF the magistrate, Il
suppose you want to appear against
him"
Well. guess not!" exclaimed the
victim with a glad smile. Il want to
kiss him on the brow and give him
$40. Among other things that he stole
from the house was package OF love
letters that l wrote to my wife before
We were married"
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25
Just a Safeguard.

George dear, just cne more oues-
ton and | promise not to bother you
any more during the game" she
pleaded, according to the Detroit
Free Press.
We'll, what is It now7" said
George impatiently.
Tell me why the catcher wears
that funny wire thing on his faceY-
"Oh, sometimes the catcher gets
mad at the umpire's decision" said
George. Some day he might get too
mad and bite the umpire, and as they
don't want that to happen they muzzls
him"
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25
az HOWARD n. cRoss.

N one looks carefully over the press
clippings that come In upon the Ques-
ton OF good roads, he will be aston.
ished at several things
First, the widespread interest that
ia taken in the subject. Better high
wayVare being discussed everywhere
in the shop. store, the school, at
the cross roads. women's clubs. grain
exchanges. boards of trade. railway
meetings, etc. The advocates OF good
roads are az thick as humble bees in
. clover patch. All sorts Of solutions
are offered. most Of which are imprac-
ucable. and II undertaken would be
simply \ waste Of time and money. 1t
reminds one Of the remark Of a philos-
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25

over which the food supply Of the
world must be moved. The other
question 10 one Of the social and edu-
cational advantages that follow good
road construction.
Fortunately II 10 true that the same
highways that would give the largest
returns from an economic standpoint.
are the roads best suited to give the
highest Advancement. Hence the need
10 not these great. broad. expensive
highways, extending hundreds Of mi1en
In any given direction. but = network
OF good roads, nine to twelve feet
wide. covering the main highways of
the country and centering in the mar
ket towns upon the railways. The
wagon roads are the veins OF com
merce; the railways the arteries The
largest public good will come from
such \ condition that there will be
FREQ and uninterrupted movement
upon both the highways and railways
throughout the year.
Among the economic advantages is
that 1t enables the farmer to keep in
close touch with the market and
make his deliveries when in his tudg-
ment the best price can be realized.
There IL no doubt that 4 large per-
centage-the major portion-of the
farm produce for the last SO years In
the Mississippi valley has been sold
and moved with road conditions as
the determining factor. 1t Is. "Hooray,
boys, we must get this grain to mar
ket because the roads are good" and
not necessarily because the price 10
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25
TRYING TO Be WITTY

They were sitting in the parlor with
the lights turned low The hour was
pretty late. He and she had talked
about everything, from the weather to
tho latest shows. He yawned and she
yawned, but he made no attempt 70
move toward home, and she was be-
coming weary.
At last she said: II heard a noise
outside just now. I wonder If II could
Be buPglars?"
OF course he tried to be funny.
Maybe 1t was the night falling,"
he said
20. guess not" she exclaimed:
guess 1t was the day breaking I"
(Hasty exit OF he)
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25

One of the best Lincoln stories told
IL that OF the man who asked the
president how he liked his Job. Lin
coin said the question reminded him
OF a man in Illinois who was treated
to coat OF tar and feathers and rods
out OF town on rail. He was asked
how he liked 1t and replied that II II
was not for the honor OF the thing no
would rather have gone on foot Doe
ton Record.
The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, 1911-08-25

The more one reflects ON the good
old spelling bee. the more enthusiastic
one becomes There were spoilers,
you know, In the days when our par.
ents and grandparents stood up in op.
posing rows in the little red school
house and were bowled over, one aft.
er another, by "phthisic" and "caout-
chouc" and 'abecedarian" and gauge"
and when much fame was acquired
by those master intellects that al.
ways knew whether 1t was Tniece" or
"neice." dying" or "dyeing." "judg
ment' or judgement" and Judge
ship" or ''judgship."