davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

library, to eliminate grade crossings, or to add to it's park equipment. The tax rate cannot be changed except through a constitutional amendment, and if the present constitution is a fixture, an amendment is needed lift ing Birmingham out of the common rut.
 The commissioners are doing their very best to reduce expenditures to income, and as they go along they should retain the support and confi- dence of the people. This end would be subserved by the frankest pub lcity, and the fiscal years figures should be given to the public no mat ter what they would disclose. The truth and publicity are the better methods in the long run when of ficials deal with the people, for the people have right to know how their own public business stood at the end of the fiscal year.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
Eour Great Men

"Referring to those four distinguished men who graduated at the University Of Virginia during the period from 1879 to 1882 woodrow Wilson, Joseph w. Bailey, Oscar w. Underwood and Leroy Percy, MT. Bailey, now a United States senator from Texas, hailed from Mississippi said a member of Birmingham's Virginia col ony His room was next to mine and knew him intimately, or rather thought knew him intimately, for to this day l have never quite understood him. While in the law class at the university he loved to 'orate' and discuss the constitution. He did this in private and in public. He was handsome and he knew it. Ba jfy had fine presence and spoke well. Those of us who smiled at his egotism ac- knowledged his talents. But we all liked Joe Bailey. Few of us would have been surprised at anything he did, unless it was to agree with some one else or fail to cuote the federalst. He was an excep- tionally brilliant man then, and his intel lectual force has kept him well to the front ever since"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
At the Erd of the Fiscal Year

The citys financial year was ended June 30, but as yet the commission CTS have not issued a statement con- corning the years receipts and ex- Denditures. Without such statement Ao citizen can form ap intelligent opinion as to the possibilities of bringing the city's outgo within it's income.
 The constitution of the state con tains among it's numerous follies a provision bringing all cities to one level. The tax rate in Birmingham cannot be raised above the tax rate of the smallest municipality in the state-above one that is scarcely or the map. The result is this city IS IT no condition to establish a public
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
Georgia's Senatorial Election

By electing Gov. Hoke Smith sena- tor almost as soon as he had been seated in the states executive chair, Georgia has no doubt put strong, progressive man in the upper chamber of Congress, and she has accumulated by the act good deal of new politics. Under her plan of government she must now hold a gubernatorial pri- mary, a gubernatorial election, and then she must call next fall an extra session of the legislature to install her new governor.
 Let us give the Alabama constitu- ton credit for one thing-it renders any repetition of the Georgia dilimma impossible here A governor cannot be elected senator here, and that ren- ders impossible such troubles as those that now confront the people of Georgia.
 The only charge brought against Senator-elect Hoke Smith is that he did not favor submission of the sen atorial succession to a primary. No politician, however, who sees the way clear to political promotion can req sonably be expected to court the haz- ards of primary.
 Ire general expectation in Georgia is that ex-Gov. Joseph M. Mrown- Little Joe"-will be elected governor, and he does not by any means repre- sent Hoke Smiths views as to trusts, the railroads or scarcely any other public issue.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
BusIness in New Orleans

". J. Kelleher of New orleaps' pur- chasing agent of the New Orleans and Northeastern railroad Queen ana Crescent route) spent yesterday in Bir- mineham. He belongs to the younger set of railroad officials and is well known and popular.
 general business conditions in New Orleans are good" said MT. Kelleher. "1hcre has been a great deal of build Ing in our city during the past few years, both In the business district and in the outlying residence sections. New Orleans is now one of the most san itcrv cities in the country and the i'm re.us given to home building has been marked Building may have been overdone, but later on all the houses will be accounted"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
CURING THE INSANE

From the Washington Post.
 "Science and experiment are doing much to cure the insane and lessen the ten dency to insanity" remarked Dr. George M Robertson, a noted English scientist, who has given attention to American methods of curing 2 mind diseased.
 Possibly the work of curing the de- mented has gone along slowly, as the ten dency is to- shut mp the crazy ones and forget them, but the scientist is ever studying and doine good for humanity. Each year our alienists in Europe and America are reporting cures that would have been deemed impossible score or even ten years ago. There Is a peculiar form of insanity called myXoedema, which is caused by the defective secre- ton of the thyroid gland in the neck. Unless this gland performs it's functions properly the body becomes bloated and the patient becomes indifferent to what happens, and the voice changes to that of a child. Also, there are delusions of bearing voices and a general collapse of the mental forces.
 How do you suppose this peculiar mal- ady was cured? Simply by taking the fluid from the thyroid gland of a sheep and injecting it into the region of the patients thyroid gland each day. very few weeks later the woman patient was transformed from dull, bloated, mis- shapen object into a happy normal wom- an, with every function restored and joy in every feature. Now, years ago such a triumph of medical skill would have heen looked upon as magic-as the spell of an offended wizard which made her ugly and insane, suddenly dispelled by T counter charm which gave back her orig inal youth and beauty.
 "This is only one instance of what med teal science can do for the insane, and we have only made beginning"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
VANISHING HOTEL I,ABEJ,

From the Manchester Guardian
 correspondent who has just enjoyed holiday scamper through France, Ger many and Belgium laments the decay of practice that has given many travellers a little innocent pleasure and satisfaction. Every one knows the joke about the in dignation of the American tourist when too attentive servant carefully cleaned all the hotel labels off his trunk. Ap- parently this harmless form of ostentation is no longer possible. Our correspondent reached home with only one addition to the hotel labels on his bag. and this in spite of the fact that he had rested at a dozen places. At one hotel he asked for label, and was told that the practice had been discontinued The explanation offered was that the luggage label is an out-of-date form of advertisement and no longer sufficiently effectual to justify it's continuation. The cost of hotel adver- Using. it seems, has increased by leaps and bounds in the last 10 years, and the demand for free picture postcards at hotels alone has far exceeded what used to be the outlay on luggage labels. Re- trenchment on old methods has had to be exercised. and the luggage label has had to be sacrificed as qne of the en- forced economies.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Back From Virginia

Capt. Jack W. Johnson district pas senger agent of the seaboard Air Line' has returned from Norfolk whither he had zone in connection with passenger traffic. On Sunday he visited several of the seaYde resorts, including old Point and Ocean View.
 q found large crowds of pleasure seekers at both Ocean View and Old Point" said Captain Johnson. The resort hotels seem to be doing well this summer
 Crops all along our line are in ex- cellent condition. In North Carolina and Georgia one sees only signs or prosperity as he travels on the rall- road. Traffic on the Seaboard is im- proving steadily."-s
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
WASTE OF MONEY
om the New York Times.

From the New York Times.
 The telephone bell ran loudly in the silent watches of the night in one or the larger hospitals of New York re- gently, and one of the young internes. who was doing duty in the office at the time, answered.
 "Is dis der hospittle?" came female voice in strong German accent. <"Yes," said the doctor
 q wand to. speak to der doctor" came the voice.
 "This is one of the doctors" said the interne. What is it you want?"
 'I wishes to inkvire," said the voice, "how iss Rosa Schmide?'
 It happened that this was the name Of one of his recent patients. Rosa Schmidt?" he said. s"Why. Rosa Schmidt was discharged four days ago as cured. She is not here any longer"
 ,'Ach, Gott.' came the voice in a tone of profound vexation. "A nickel gone!'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
ENID's SONG

 By Alfred Tennyson Turn, Fortune. turn thy wheel and lower the proud; Turn thy wild wheel through sunshine. storm and cloud Thy wheel and thee we neither love nor hate. FA sAss Turn, Fortune. turn thy wheel with smile. or frown; With that wild wheel we go not up or down; Our hoard is little, but our hearts are
 great. Smile and we smile, the lords of many
 lands Frown and we smile, the lords of our own
 hands; For man is man and master of his fate. Turn, turn thy wheel above the staring
 crowd: I 1; Rs. Thy wheel and tholf are shadows in the
 cloud: Thy wheel and thes we neither love nor hate.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

an answer that would be cunning in q
 child of 4. in a child of would be inn
 pudent, in child of IA stupid and in a
 young man over IS idiotic,p replied MT. | Gabface.
 Correct" said the professor. And why | should he be the son of a clergyman?" | "As guarantee of the truth of the
 anecdote,' said MT. Gabface. "And he should be able to pipe up, chime in, sor | retort because children of that age do not observe. remark, or reply. using methods 1 or interjection which are best conveyed to
 the readers apprehension by the terms | pipe in chime in,' and 'retort" ," l "A very clear exposition of the facts,
 MT. Gabface. and I am quite certain that 1 upon your graduation from this institution you Will become one of the most sue | cessful Little Willieists of the age." said the professor. And now for a few ex- amples Mr. Slabsides, can you give me
 good example of the Little Willie joke say, of the vintage of 1S79?' Little Willie B." said Mir. Slabsides. | the son of the Rev. Dr. B., of S-d Conn.,, was allowed to dine with his pa
 rents the other night, and upon being
 asked if he would like some pie. piped
 up in a merry little voice, Nor NO what, WiiiieT asked his mother, responsibility.
 No pie,' retorted Little Willie.
 'Mr Dubbleigh," he said, what is the earliest example of the boy and pie joke that we have?"
 Year 5, Antediluvian period" said Mr. Dubbleigh. Little Cain, age 4, asked by his mother Eve, why he does not eat his pie pipes up. because Because what? asks his mother, reproachfully 'Because am not Abel retorts Little Cain.'
 Very good, indeed, Mir Dubbleigh,"
 said the professor, after the class had recovered from it's convulsion. Now, MT. Jimcrack. is there any foreign or conti- mental variation of this jest?' Yes sir" replied MT. Jimcrack
 There is the Teutonic or German va
 riety. Little Wilhelm von G., son of
 Pastor von G., of Potsdam, on being asked at dinner if he would like pret-
 gel. piped up, Neinr 'Nein what, Will helm?' asked his mother, responsibility Nine pretzels,' retorted Wilhelm"
 "Gentlemen." said the professor sob
 ping. "the class is dismissed for the
 day."-Harper's Weekly. THE FOXY SAILOR.
 NO use to hug the shore." he said,
 Where pillows whIrl''
 Therefore he showed level head
 And hugged the girl. THE ANGLER. I do not envy George his crown I only wish
 That I could somewhere sit me down And fish and fish. s.r INFERENCE. "A Chicago newspaper publishes a | Thyme which says that Jack Sheppard and Dick Turpin led saintly private lives" "I see. And the person who doesn't
 think of Lorimer when he reads that jingle isn't up to snuff.'' KNOCKING OFF Somehow, the muse Won't help a bit. We can't enthuse And so we quit HAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press.
 A really good excuse is too valuable to waste by using.
 Economy is about as popular as having tooth pulled.
 When a man has a sweet disposition ifs a sign he's away from home.
 The reason babies teethe Is so their mothers will have an excuse for theil yelling the roof of the house off.
 A woman knows the reason some Of hei neiehbors hate her is she has such lovely children as against their brats.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
MIR. GOODWIN'S SOCIAL SHOPPING

him by stealing her from him. Did they get bargain? I yonder.''
 When it vas announced that Mir Good win intended writing book to tell the public why several beautiful women married him a good deal of unknd crit icism of his attitude resulted. If he writes h this manner throughout the vol I'rle his talent as a humorist and his keenness as 0 satirist of himself and others may atone for cny lack of delicacy that may be charged against him as the author of the narrative of his own do- mestic difficulties
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
ITS SUMMER.

ITS SUMMER. We're blazing, we're blazing, Oh, bring us quick relief There isn't any breeze about To stir the lightest leaf. The perspiration's streaming down And everybodys mad; When cool November comes again we surely will be glad. We're broifing, we're broiling, Oh, please turn off the heati We're 'specting every day to hear Bout eggs fried in the street. The talk Is all thermometer And "how she stands today" And every time we take a look We almost faint away.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
THE CLASS IN HUMOR.

THE CLASS IN 7IUMOR.
 Good morning, gentlemen" said the professor of humor. MT Garraway, after hearing the principles of the Little Willie joke as set forth in my lecture last Tues day, you may tell me their essential in gredents."
 "The child must not be over years of age," said Mir. Garraway. Ut is de- srable that he should be the son of a clergyman, and able to pipe up, chime in, or retort."
 "Very good, MT. Garraway," said the professor. "Mr. Gabface, what Is the reag- on for the age limit?''
 "The child must not be over 1, because
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

The temperature at Long Branch is very rapid. It rose P degrees recently in 5s minutes. That is faster than grate fire on a December morning.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

You have an excheauer of words, and, ! think, no other treasure to give your followers; for ii appears by their bare Iiyeries, that they live by your bare words.
 Two Gentlemen of Verona.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
SOME WON'T
the Houston Post.

From. the Houston Post.
 The Birmingham Age-Herald has held n shirt sale for the benefit of free con- oerts in the public parks But with local option election coming on, will the Birmingham brethren be able to keep their shirts on? r+N
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

The United States may regret she ever purchased Alaska from Russia if no way to head off looters can be devised.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

investigations that are genuine and tigations that are mere politics consume great deal of time and come to noth-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

John D. Rockefeller at P is playing golf to keep his yigor up to a point that enables him to meet supreme court de- cisions with equanimity.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

If Nat Goodwin had married nobody, think what the number of unmarried women would be today He simply did his best.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

Sousa is in Australia and he is ex- pected to bring back from there kan garoo march, that will outstrip all other marches.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

There was a woman at the bottom Of the Controller bay story, and Charley Taft doubtless wishes her at the bottom of the bay.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

The swatting of flies with a piece of wire screen is an excellent branch of athletics at the present time.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

Wisconsin is going directly into the business of life insurance. She will lead all the states In her new function.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

Henry Gassaway Davis, aged Ss, is pre- pairing to establish a new home in Cali fornia. He hopes no doubt to round out q century in his new home.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

Warm waves well punetured with thun- ent, and they are certainly endurable.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

For business reasons London is asking Queen Mary to cease trying to drive American heiresses back to America.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

Don Cipriano Castro is treadng the soil of Venezuela with a thousand men in buckram behind him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

The househy will not be permitted to sign a peace arbitration treaty.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

There are gaps in the Lorimer investi- gation, and for these gaps the country is duly thankful.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

The lightning has never been trained to hit architectural oddities only.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

Some think an electric light bulb throws out more heat in summer than in winter
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

DOUBTFUL. An optimist
 Can wear a smile. Fen when his clothes Are not in style. This only fits, Of course, a man. We don't believe A woman can.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
CAUGHT FISH WITH DIAMOND

The trouble with drought Is it is never safe and sane.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

When bubbly fountains are in general use all will have to learn to drink like a horse
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

The associate editor Of the Outlook is at present one of the silentest men in the country.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

The placing of electric fans in the Sen ate means the prolongation of the extra session.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
MOST SINGULAR.

"He has just donated a million to char ity"
 without fanfare?"
 ''Without fanfare" Strange man!''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

OUCH Each person has his private vail The thought that makes me grum Is how, wheneer 1 drive a nail, The hammer finds my thumb.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
GOING SOME.

Have you seen the Writers new au- tomobile?"
 "Once or twice" What does it look lilSe?' "A green streak
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

HARDLY 'Ts Pipps a baseball fan?' "Sure. Why, he even proposed to his wife at baseball game.' "Do you mean to tell me that he took his mind off the game long enough to propose?' Yes" "Pshaw He's no fan"
 HIDDEN.
 beauty she.
 But what of that?
 l can not see
 For so much hat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13
TELEPHONES

TELEPHONES Bell (prfvate exchange connecting all Corartments). No. 490O. Peopies-EditorinI rooms 231, busa- ness office 23O.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

THE ANGLER. do not envy George his crown I only wish That l could somewhere sit me down And fish and fish
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

INFERENCE.
 "A Chicago newspaper publishes rhyme which says that Jack Sheppard and Dick Turpin led saintly private lives" "I see. And the person who doesn't think of Lorimer when he reads that jingle isn't up to snuff"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

For business reasons London is asking Queen Mary to cease trying to drive American heiresses back to America. -.s---- The United States may regret she ever purchased Alaska from Russia if no way to head off looters can be devised
 --.ss-- Wisconsin is going directly into the business of life insurance. She will lead all the states In her new function.
 
 The swatting of flies with piece of wire screen is an excellent branch of athletics at the present time.
  Don cipriano Castro is treading the soil of Venezuela with a thousand men in buckram behind him.
  There are gaps in the Lorimer investi- eation, and for these gaps the country is duly thankful.
  The associate editor Of the Outlook is at present one of. the siIentest men in the country.
 The placing of electric fans in the Sen ate means the prolongation of the extra session.
  When bubbly fountains are in general use all will have to learn to drink like a horse.
 Some think an electric light bulb throws
  The lightning has never been trained to hit architectural oddities only. The househy will not be permitted to sign a peace arbitration treaty. The trouble with a drought Is it is never safe and sane.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-13

THE FOXY SAILOR. No use to hug the shore," he said, Where pillows whIrl.' Therefore he showed a level head And hugged the girl.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-08-23

prospector, and in return is given a
map showing the location of a gold
mine in the desert While seeking
for the mine he accidentally shot
himself. He tied a note to the little
burro's saddle and sent him home
and a party of cowboys came to his
rescue. Colored.
Fate" Rex. A beautiful dramat-
ic story. Jack was on the downward
path when he met Flora and her love
for him was the means Of making
men of high rank accept a position
man.
But a fellow prisoner of the old
days met Jack and demanded money
to keep silent. When Jack had no
more money to give he resorted to
theft. He was caught and once more
became a prisoner. Years later he
left prison, an outcast, and entering
a house to steal he met his own lit
tie child, who not knowing him told
him she had a new papa. The last
blow was too much and his soul found
peace in death. Exquisitely tinted.
ITS a Rex"
"The Two Gardeners" Eclair. Two
him leave his sinful life and become
of gardener to be near their souls
choice Complications follow one an
other in rapid succession, finally
ending in an awful mixup. But as
one of the noble lawn mowers won
, the girl all ended we'll and mamma
was very proud of her new son-in-
law. Colored.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-08-23

G.. "An Aeroplane Disaster" Gau-
mont. The fatal flight was made
May 81, 1911 near Paris The falling
of the aeroplane is vividly shown.
7. "Slabsides." Kalem. A story Of
a good hearted Indian. Jim Hills,
ranch manager, is jealous Of Lord
Verlane's attention to Nancy Ether
idge, the young owner of n. E. ranch.
Lord Verlane goes security for the
horses secured by Slabsides to visit
his sick papoose. Jim, believing that
Verlane has won Nancy's love decides
to quit his job and so advises her by
yetter. The next morning jim leaves.
After receiving his note. Nancy rides
after Jim to explain but becomes con-
fused regarding the direction he has
gone and takes the wrong trail, lead
ing to the desert. Slabsides finds
Jim and Nancy in the desert and goes
for aid, but his arrival in town is
held for falling to ~eturn the horse
he had borrowed and is shot as a
horse thief while trying to escape.