The Marshall republican., 1911-05-19
A Lazy Mans
Scheme
By M. QUAD
BY N. QUAD
Copyright. 1910. by Associated Lit
erary Press.

wis rat. pOOu uafureu II utterly
without ambition. AS in most such
cases. the wife earned most of the
support. Jonathan had reached his
~forty-ffth year and wasn't worrying at
nIi nv to how the future years were
going with him when n stranger en-
tered his shop one day and found him
.bcwing ut a shaving. The stranger
introduced himself as Brown. lie was
the homeliest man In the village.
Grown said:
"Mebbe you want q Job that will pay
you good money!"
II was all OF two minutes before
Jonathan asked II there was any hard
work connected with II.
Not n Bit" was the answer. You
are simply to travel around with me.
You'll he my secretary md take down
names and dates. That will be oil for
the present. Twenty dollars n week
and expenses. and you nrc to keen
your mouth shut. Can you start In 10.
morrow"
lie snid he would try II for n week.
anyhow. After another talk with
Brown II was settled that way. and
then the latter said:'
I'VE will now take n walk around
the village together. Hero IL n note.
book and pencil. and your duties ns
secretary begin at once. ! shall tnlk
to people I'm a way. and they will have
something 20 shy In return. Write II
down. Write down the names OF any
other persons ovcrhcaring the remarks.
BE sure Of your figures"
Jonathan and Brown walked to tho
p~ostofice. There was quite n crowd
hanging around the place. II was soon
understood that the stranger was deaf
and dumb. and Mr.. Johnston. the mer-
chant. remarked In the hearing OF
three or four others:
"weli, OF oil the man .gorillas I ever
heard tell Of this fellow takes the cake!
Jonathan. where did you pick him
upr'
"oh. he's n purity smart fcller," was
the reply.
"Smnrt!' echoed the grocer. "why.
you have only to look mt him to see
that he's n born fool. II ought TO be
against the law for such critters TO be
at large"
Then the other dry goods man had n
siurring remark TO make. and tho rail-
road agent had something to say. and
Browns secretary filed three pages OF
his notebook with good evidence. Be-
fore the day was over he had twelve
pages. No n hnd a word In favor of
Brown. He was called all sorts OF
names. and when he appeared TO ask
questions In the deaf and dumb Ian
guage he was almost hooted at.
The next day the pair started on In
a horse and buggy and did not return
until they had visited every village In
two counties.
BY and by that notebook was full OF
memoranda 10 the last page and hen
there was a return 10 Ellenville. There
wns but n lawyer In the place. II
was afterward remembered that he
had never said aught against Brown.
He had listened to others. but had said
nothing himself. When he and Brown
and Jonathan drove over to the county
seat town In company one day nothing
strange was thought OF II. but a sur
prise party was on hand. Within a
couple Of days all the constables In the
county were serving summonses on
people who had slandered Brown.
When Ellen county was finished the
%constables In Rockaway county took
up the work. The number OF summons
served In both counties was 36s. Each
n was for defamation Of character
and asked for $4,000 damages. The
recipients of these legal papers greet
ed their service with laughter. but the
laughing did not last Tong. Those who
engaged lawyers and started In to fight
the matter were confronted with dates,
names and expressions used and had
to admit they were correct. When they
had done this they had no defense, and
In each and every case were advised
to settle.
There are always clients who will
pay lawyers fees and then take their
own way. A few of the victims band
ed together and resisted the suits.
Then II came out that Brown had been
referred to as a fool. a dummy. an
idiot. a hedge fence. a gorilla, a mon
key, a skunk. a mnatic, a what-is-it, a
coon. a freak and some forty other
names, and those who had refused him
food and shelter because he was not
pretty to look upon found ruin staring
them In the face. The verdict on the
contested suits was for the plaintiff,
with heavy damages. and the others
fell over themselves to settle.
Brown and Jonathan were not too
hnrd hearted No extortion was prac-
ticed. but at the end Of six months.
when the last ease had been settled,
theic was o goodly pot Of money.
Jonathan received his salary and a
good bit more. and when Brown was
ready to depart he said to him:
Jonathan, v work when you
ran avoid It,"
II never have and never shall" was
Il tto ~r.f. ".Nlr.M |IA No.. "t."I