The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1911-12-15
(New Orleans Times-pemocrat.)

(New Orleans Times-Democrat.)
What wonderful things are events"
eNclaimS Il character in of Dis
racli's novels The least are OF great
or Importance than the most sublime
and comprehensive speculationS." And
to some such text as this may readily
tory of any year. chroniclings Of
small beer" 1t may seem to some.
hut to the discerning far better show
ing the lights and shadows OF the
true tenor of the present day world
than a summary OF all first page, top
column" happenings.
The initial day OF the ;65 began it
with word from Trenton that a cou-
pie of Max Bask's geese had got into
his bar. broke a hottie Of whiskey
apiece and celebrated the coming in
of 1911 so thoroughly that only cold
baths revived them. Then, as that
same initial month was departing that
same New Jersey capital reported that
j. NJ. Donald had at last stopped the
disappearance OF his hens. Fishing
lines and baited hooks had been used
had failed. hut the installation OF a
5000 candle power search light in
the coops worked promptly Nothing
was said of how the biddies were to
get to sleep.
Speaking Of thieves, the Richmond.
Va, police were much put to It in
January to locate n borrower" Of
property from Woodson 4 Ready.
contractors. First it was three picks.
then seven shovels. then a set of har-
ness, all Of which was lamentable but
not much out Of the ordinary. When
a concrete roller disappeared the sit
uation began to look strange. but the
theft of Il red hot stove capped the
climax. AT this writing the collector
OF hardware has not beer located.
If Bask's geese. above referred to.
suggest that the w. c. T. U. well may
enter upon a new field Of labor. so do
no less than four other vents of 1911.
the veracious dispatches bearing all
the way from New York to Scotland.
In April Hattie. the star" elephant
OF Central park. ate too much and
collie ensued. wherefore she was dosed
with a little matter of two ounces Of
What the laudanum did deponenth
knoweth not. but the whiskey was
prompt to get in its work. Hattie did
all the tricks she'd been taught by
Billy Snyder. the keeper, and a few
more. But the collie vas conquered.
From trunks TO fins it's seemingly
all one. Julius G%raveson and Charlie
~eH' llsi.'i's Lcat ~ar1ytoWn IN
September. and caught some bass
drinking beer. That is. the beer bot
Ties. five of them. came to the surface
with the take which last showed
clear evidence of having sampled
what had been the lost luncheon of
previous picnickers.
Intent. not accident. figured in the
Edinburg item. A competitor for a
prize offered to the owner of the COW
Df001l1fn0 rho rnnSt 0f u nnjll.irv W.
with an abnormal quantity, though
the quality was poor. Later he ad-
mitted he had given bossy a dozen
p1nts OF porter n a bottle of whis-
key the night before. Similarly. Mar
tin Parker Of Middletown, n. T.,
picked up" the failing appetites Of
his pigs by serving them milk punch
laid the case before the S. p. C. A.
But was it cruelty?
Jere Quinn Of C%offeyville. Kan. con-
tributed yet another pig yarn. He ar
rived in Washington with a lot Of
what looked like breakfast food, but
he said it was all he had left of a
5000 roll" which he dropped into
MS pen at feeding time. and a greedy
hog bounced on it. The treasury de-
partment wanted. proof before issuing
new bills. but really the point of the
story fs the obvious good taste Of the
Kansas porker. a turtle on Chelsea
beach. near Boston gave up" more
readily. When caught and handled,
a 171O penny was found under the
edge of the she'll. which makes it out
just l41 years old-or else a deliver
into Captain Kidd's treasure chests.
sunk somewhere below Massachusetts
bay.
To return to the federal capital,
June brought the report from there
that a creditor has no legal right to
shut up ii tardy debtor in cold stor-
age for thirty minutes. That's what
r. Z: Averill did to Samuel Bixwell.
temporary prisoner, before he was let
out. had promised to square financial
accounts. so the balance may lie in
Averilrs favor, after all.
The most remarkable moneyed
event of all the ear however, was out
in Australia. They have a new land
TAX scheme on just now. and the Of
amounting to $4,000, with a 'i note
stating that the donor who thus re-
mttted. before notified of any such
necessity. was glad to do that much
Tor q country that had done 80 much
for him. The gentleman in question
was not Of American birth.
But 1t was an American who wrote
~ u0"A ID tHe HlOSC .eaCrif
ing man on record. Edward Fay was
his name and Asbury park the place.
and what he did was to leave his
mother-in-law as security for a s55
board bill. Appropos Of these marital
emi-parents. let it be chronicled that
Magistrate Mcguire Of THE Hub" has
decided that their visits upon married
chiidren must not exceed ten days.
His Honor" indeed. has figured
notably as the weeks have measured
out their annual path. Circuit Judge
THOMAS. sitting at Kansas CITY in
September. decided that "a wife has
a perfect right to scold her husband
II he doesn't behave himself proper
" while Justice Lea of the Rhode
Island supreme court has held that
man. may slap his wife for going
through his pockets on the sly. r. X
white OF Atlanta. arrested on a mis-
treatment complaint lodged by his
better half, was dismissed by :Tudge
Orr under instructions to kiss. a adv
AZ a once a day, and usually to
throw in a few for good measure.
A far o intricate case came be-
fore the Partisan courts. The cabled
dispatch read:
"A man and his son were employed
as foreman n workman. respec-
lively. IN a printing firm. The father
gave his son an order, which he did
not carry out. because. of which his
father tried to kick him, but fell, in
juring himself severely. Said father
~thereupon sued his employers for
damages for n hurt received in their
employ. Defendants plead p~laintiff
hurt himself trying to chastise his son.
not in the ordinary course of his
duties. Plaintiff replied he was act
ing not as a father to a SON, but ar
foreman to stupid workman. Judg-
ment deferred"
In something OF this same onnec-
tion mention may not unftt!ngly be