New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-05-21
Continued from second page.

Now. Just minute, Don't begin that old
threadbare line of defence about being built
that way and not being able to get rid of
the extra pounds. If you wanted to you
could work EN- off all right. Almost any
daily paper contains diagrams of bathroom
exercises guaranteed TO make you lose
flesh and acquire a sylphlike form. Do your
part and get busy. You know that mans
neck oughtn't TO roll out far over the back
of his collar, and a couple of chins are
enough for any reasonable being.
Another type Of our population that
ought 10 be erased is the fresh young man
who congregates in droves at the busy
corners after nightfall. Seemingly that is
their regular business. The corner flower
arms himself with a cigarette, leans up
against the book beer sign and is pre-
nared TO perform his duties. These con-
sist of breaking the anti-expectoration law
over a considerable radius OF sidewalk, and
IN making alleged funny remarks about
passing women.
These witticisms are usually addressed
90 come colleague and run something after
this fashion:
"Cbee, Wasn't that some chicken that
lust passed, Vivian?"
nav envelope every week and treat it just
as rough as she pleased!
"Ah. there. Birdie! Did I hear you say
you had 'phone?'
Etc. etc. etc.
II would he an easy matter TO muster out
the Boy Scouts and have them clean the
island of these crossing humorists. AT
least they are not covered by the game
.s...,
resolution declaring it an act Of patriotism
10 shoot 'em on sight in some spot not
necessarily fatal
A short directory of others whose alb
sence would help TO create the real City
Beautiful:
The male perfume hend: the lad who
battles in the quarter-a-quart kind and
sprays his clothes from tank of musk. to
Judge by what your nose tells you.
The chewin gum fan" This youth-or
lojdy-is never happy unless he is Fletcher
izing large mass of Yucatan. They come
IN two numbers-those who keep their lips
closed and the careless kind who like to
hear their teeth work. The former IS the
lesser evil.
The overgenerous person, who is deter
mined TO buy you a drink. These bi-pedal
curiosities do not become plentiful until
you attach yourself firmly TO a front seat
on the water wagon. Many OF them will
go 10 any extent to make you have one
on them if they see you really don't
want it.
The incUrable whistler. He IS often found
on street cars. where he delights in con-
scientiously whistlng the entire score OF
Carmen" with a few original variations
thrown in. In the evening he usually sits
in the seat next you at the musical show
and insists on whistling each tune in col
laboration with the orchestra.
Male and female affectors of freak mil
lnery.
Hobble skirt owners, and spropretors OF
other forms Of fashions impossibilities
Aeroplane ears. and squint eyes.
Musical students, who don't get into the
notion of practising until others want to
sleep. The worst forms of this evil are the
cornet devotee, the violin annoyer and the
young woman who is going to give the
Metropolitan Opera Company a chance TO
rent her voice after she has educated II.
Among the lower forms of civic animals
there is plenty Of work for the beauty re-
former. Observe the homeless cat.
Now, we could put up with him, per-
hAps, II he did nothing worse than drag