New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-07-23
Then, Too, You Can't Relieve
Sweltering and Blistering
by Always Talking
About Il.

them. waistcoats this year are hiShsr<h
usual. too, and while It Is like living In
a superheated Turkish bath 10 wsar me
Of them. you certainly do look nso& Many
heat victim has keeled over in tho sticky
asphalt because he valued his life less than
his natty appearance.
Our shoes are OF heavy cah, that store
up ell tho heat and shut out all q the
air. AZ to underwear. IL took 10 many
years to get down to Sleeveless ana knee
length kind. Take II all In all. We have .
very fne heating plant tnat w cary
around In the dog days to keep ourselves
constantly uncomfortable
Every now and then It sets % bad that
we have to take OK our coats and eoalsrs
and roll UP our sleeves But that y nost-
ly IN privacy. We would deem Il a mild
species Of inmodesty to appear. especially
In the company Of women. In that state
Of undress.
Thars have bean many stesmpts b snsks
styles moro sensible. but these have never
been able to overcome mans loyalty tn
tailoring traditions. You remember the
shirtwaist movement II was Sensible.
and yet It failed Many offices and stores
require that their employees keep their
coats on during business hours and tho
workers are able to stand It only because
they have to.
Dress reformers tell Us that We are crazy
to put up with it. And the reformers stand
for It Just as the rest Of US do.
There is no reason on the face on th4
earth" say these thinkers. why men
should wear any underwear. Patamas
| would be the ideal summer garment for
men. II not that a special two-piece wash
able suit should be invented The trous-
| ers should button to the shirt, and a sash
| could be worn about the withholding
more. When It got cooler a coat could be
worn. There is no reason why trousers
| should reach to our ankles. Knee trousers
are the only sensible mode and II was only
| the ruling hand Of avaricious tailors that
| changed the knee breeches for long trou.
ers that are hotter and which demand more
cloth" The reformers. however, don't run
about In their pajamas, and while their
talk sounds mighty good the probabilities
are that We will suffer our miserable way
through the summer of 1912 exactly os dur
| ing the ones that preceded II.
No one can deny that surf bathing Is a
temporary relief when the thin line OF the
mercury gets ambitious. 1t is great TO get
on your little blue bathing suit and flrt
with the care free rollers that come In from
the sounding sea. Great! And then after
| YOU are somewhat tired from buffedng the
rollers you can come inshore and lie on tho
cool sands, where you may watch the never
| failing show OF fat women and accumulate
a desirable sunburn at the same time.
II there were only some plan by which
we could go under an anasthetic while
| taking on this coat Of summer tan!
| II IS only human nature that leads Us
to fare forth on hot nights in search OF
some hiding air current. These crusaders
OF comfort fill the trolley cars, pack tho
roofs Of Fifth avenue buses. and even
descend into the roaring subway. Ihey
hudde I'd in the front OF the subway eX-
press trains to get the wind that gushes in
| through the open door, 1t is a sort OF hot.
inferior breeze, that works only while tho
train is I'm motion. but IT IS a breeze, and
that is something.
Another inspiration that one gets is tho
| ferryboat bunch.
A., ION the bay" one argues TO himself o:
wife. 1T IS always cool. Everybody says
So We will 30 down 10 the sea In ships
and make the voyage across to ST. George,
which is on Staten Island"
| While you think that IS an inspiration
never before entertained by mortal man.
the whole truth Is that some ten thousand
persons thought of the plan about the
time you did. The result is packed ferry
boats. A large part OF this crowd is mado
| up OF ferryboat spooners.
No matter how hot 1t gets, D. Cupid
never let's up with those arrows OF his,
thereby running a constant risk OF pros
trations Loving necesstates certain
amount Of hugging and snugglement all
OF which IS conducive to still higher tenn
peratures Hence the lovers seek the cool,
unlghted spots on the upper decks OF tho
shutting ferries.
! You can always tell 'em. II couple are
married, they sit apart on stools. look bored
and silently pray for rain II they still
have the state of double blessedness TO en-
ter. the two sit with their chairs so close
together that they rub the varnish off with
every move they make. The man has
frank and complicated, permanent hug ON
the yielding person OF his "loidy" friend.
and she finds that hollow place that nature
put IN mans shoulder especially for
womans millinery TO rest II may he from
there that they took the missing rib
There should be some way that the lovers
could purchase round-trip tickets. AS It is.
they all have TO get up when the boat
docks at the end OF the voyage and buy
another couple OF fares In that way they
lose at least ten minutes OF valuable time
that might just as well-even much better
have been spent with entwined arms.
Before we close let us slip you set OF
our own 'donts'' for the hot spells. You
can read these without effort. and there
might be something In them. Nobody has
tried them yet:
Don't eat too much.
Don't eat too little.
Don't run for miles in the broiling sun.
Don't take advice-not even this bit.
Don't give advice.
Don't drink too much.
Don't drink too little.
Don't get mad and fight, especially with
persons larger than yourself
Don't Leg any persons run over you, no
matter how big they are.
Don't read hot-weatner "donts."
T. S. TlSDALE.