davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-17
Il See by the Papers" BY Aaron Hoffman

Sop'hSnh 1S1I' ny Amer1can-JouTnaiE xsnniner Gr
Our policemen don't need them.
When trouble starts they get away quick
enough as it is.
Our policemen wouldn't even ask for skates
When they want one they know how to get
it. ant it doesn't cost the city cent either.
O+o. P. lin 1879: Get Out, Please"
G1TOE" CANNON. they say. cannot bear the
J smell Of cigarette.
After presiding in the House as long as he
did, it would seem that the smell of cigar
cite would be like pereume of Arabia.
A COLORADO legislator is named Teehee.
He's not the only legislator who is a
laugh.
THIS last session of Congress certainly did
a great deal for the country.
It adjourned.
A UTHoRITIEs say that ]. P. Morgan can
start panic any time he wants to.
Moreover, he does.
A NAN In Washington sues his wife for
1 = separation because she spends $40 day
to keep house.
He doesn't know when he's well OF.
What would he do if they lived in New
York;
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-17

All Stage Rights Reserved by Mr.. Hoffman.)
Asst Saturday, by act Of Providence" r.
l.. Young" Cupid was knocked out in
one round by kid" Cupidity.
ENGLAND claims to want peace.
If she really means it, she will muzZle
Alfred Austin forthwith
prize for a hymn.
We were afraid they couldn't hold out
A MAN by the name Of Pullman Palace
Carr has Just enlisted in the navy.
It is. Of course, superhuous to say that he
was named after the place Of his berth.
OWING to shortage of currency in Colora-
~ do. potatoes have become legal tender.
Can you imagine fellow on q street car
giving the conductor handful Of French
fries and receiving a pocketful Of hashed
brown as change?
TT is announced that Doctor Cook is prepar-
ing for another trip to the North Pole.
Another?
Why another?
I 0S ANGELES is going to provide its po-
IL hcemen with roller skates.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-17


TEDDY says that his denomination would
be calamity.
He's wrong. It's an impossibility
CHICAGO modistes say that Chicago girls
~ are not as stout as New York girls be-
cause the former do not eat late suppers with
their young friends.
That's too thin.
at T is now illegal to carry a blackjack in
New York"
But the crooks don't mind that as long as
there are taxicabs to run.
NAVAL cadets at Annapolis have been for
Y hidden to kiss their sweethearts while
on duty.
We thought it was part of their duty to
always salute their superiors.
1LUSBANDS must learn to carve" is the
decree of an organization of married
women.
All right. But if their husbands become
accomplished "cut ups who will be the first
to object?
TAFT says that he is going to oppose d.
vorce.
And thousands of married men voted for
him last election. Can he be sincere about
Reciprocity
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-17

TN al her life she had never considered
j the idea of money7makins. Money
making wa. not for ladies. Like all her
class, she was a constant and a severe
critic Of the women of the lower orders
who worked for her as miliners, dress
makers, shop attendants. cooks, maids.
But, as she now realized. il is one thing
10 pass upon the work of others; 1t IS
another thing to do work oneself. She
there was literally nothing that he~could
do. Amy occupation. even the most
mental. was either beyond her skill or
beyond her strength or beyond both.
II met an old friend in tbs street this
afternoon" said the ssepfather. He has
invited US 10 take Thanksgiving dinner
with him-General SiddalL. stranger in
New York. He's next door to an out
law. I'd not have accepted his invitation
if he had been asking US to dine in pub
lie. But this is TO be at his own house
his new house-and very grand house
it is. judging by the photos he showed
me. A regular palaeel He'll no, be an
outlaw long. guess"
Did you accept for me. ioo1" asked
Mrs. Presbury.
Certainly" said Pre.bury. "And for
your daughter. TOO"
i can't &C" said Mildred. I'm dining
with the Fassetts.'
Bill Siddan is looking for wife,"
proceeded Presbury. "And he has
Heaven knows how many millions"
DO you think there's . chance for
Milly'" cried Mrs. Presbury, who wa.
full of alternating hope. and fea.. both
wholly irrational.
She can have him--if she wants him.
replied Presbury. But it's only fair to
warn her tina. he's a stiff dose
Presbury looked a, Mildred with
grin. Hes just the husband for Mi.
dred. She can't afford to be too particular.
Somebody's got to support her. l cant
and won't and she can. supper, herself"
You'll go. won, you. MiIdred," said
her mother. He may no, be 50 bad"
Yes III go. said Mildred. H.r.,z.
was upon the untouched food on l..
plate
OF course she'll co. said Pre,bu~.
And she'll marry him If she can. W.,
you, nissp"
She lifted her tragic eye. and looE.A
hxedly at him. She said:
Yes. Ill go. And I'll marry b;r, q
| can.-From 'The Price sb.
Paid" in the October number ~
the Cosmopolitan Magazine. Cow.
righted by the International Mas.
zine Company.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-17

MOVING picture censors have prohibited
AVA pictures of crimes. So now if we want
to see Congress in session Wen have to 20
to Washington.
A WOMANS society in Cincinnati has APP
pointed a committee to investigate and
find out what "high ball" is.
We trust that the committee will not report
at the next meeting full of the subject.
BRYAN, the Evangelist promises to give
- Satan an awful chase.
The latter is not worrying, however, as be
knows full well that anybody can beat Bryan
running.
THE latest automobile census shows one
automobile for every thirty-nine people.
With those who own autos doing their best
to cut down that proportion every day.
A PHYSICIAN is warning families against
= rocking the baby to Sleep"
Good!
Now. will the family next door please use
chloroform?
CoCIETY girls at Newport have new TAD,
- viz, taking off their shoes and stockings
to wade in and catch crabs.
We predict that many "crab" will bs
caught that way.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-17

~ NE Of the exquisite and won
derfuIly clever drawings
~ from the pen OF Howard
Chandler christy, iiiustras-
ing David Graham Phillips's story
"THE PRICE SHE PAID" which
begins In the current issue OF the
Cosmopolitan Magazine. All the
wonderful insight into wonaens
hearts and lives that Mr.. Phillips
had 10 concentrated In this story
which tells Of a woman's love and
her struggle to make a place TOR
herself. This drawing Is printeo
by permission of the Cosmopolitan
Magazine.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-17

Guess we'll have to boycott
him"
BARRY AND WoLFoRp,
At the AIhambra Theatre.
0XY7HILE walking in the gar
w den yesterday I turned a
little radish and thought she was
hard to beet. but still I was the
only one to-mate-her."
"To bad you cantaloupe."
CHIP AND MARBLE,
at the AIhambra Theatre.
wTT WOULD be fine to be a wi
dow. II one could only be-
come a widow without being mar
riedi"
"My dear, 1t has been done.
FROM
1.-THE FASCINATING WIDOW"
At the Liberty Theatre.
ssD oY. take these flowers to Miss
- Grace Henderson, Room
s21."
"say. youse is de fourth guy
wot's sent her flowers TO day"
What fhe-f W-Who sent the
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-17


ooh they didn't send any names. They all saio'
She'll know where they came from.
well here take my card and tell her these are
from the one who sent the otner three boxes
CHARLES HICKMAN q CO,
At Hammersten's Victoria
.xxv74Y is a cats tail like the end of the earth?"
w Il don't know. Why?'
because it's fur to the end
Il don't like that joke"
whats the matter with TT"
TITS fuzzy"
.sT low "a the population OF this country divided?"
/ "well there about thirty-four million
males few million afinities and the rest grafters"
0T-HE worst fault have to find with my husband
is that he can't remember my name Now, two
weeks ago he went to Chicago and when he came
home he called me Lizzie. little later he went
away to Buffalo. and when he got back he called
Theresa I'm getting SO / can tell now where he's
been every time by the name he calls me-"
MELVILLE AND HIGGINS,
AZ Hammerstein's Victoria.
"a A FRIEND of mine going to take his wife to
"A dine at the Aston evening last week, but
at the last minute he was called away business
and so asked me to take his place AS the dinner
had been paid for consented. Oh we had lovely
time But you know she met friend of hers at the
next table talked to him the whole time. Try
I might 1 couldn't attract her attention. couldn't GET
a word IN edgeW1So OF ieuSIuWIsS. FINALLY nouce0
a small bit Of thread protruding from her peekaboo
waist Having nothing else to do l pulled it When
/ got through pulling it there several yards of
thread under the table.
yesterday met my friend and asked him how his
wife enjoyed the dinner.
"toh, she had fine time he said, but since
that night she has been trying to figure what be-
came of her union suit
uDo YOU know what synonym is? It's word
II with the same meaning which you use when
you can't spell the word you want The last time /
was here the drummer got because / laughed at
him when he told synonym had something to do
with buns.
- JULIUS TANNEN,
- at Hammersteins Victoria.
ssXVTHAT did you hnd7
w "a tack"
"sit on it q guess that's getting to the po:pt)"
TIN going out to buy some popcorn"
@nh listen to the Colonel"
MCCONNELL AND SIMPSON
At the Bronx Theatre
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1911-11-17
Neee, Jokes at
the Theatres.
tcopgriehf, 1911, - observation-disclosures.
Great Britain Rights RessrvedJ

tCopgTlsnS 1el1A 20 Exazina
(An Rights Reserved and Protected by the
Authors)
CKHY uncle. who is eighty, and has been
lVA troubled with rheumatism for the past forty
gears. married girl Of sixteen last week"
'Didnt the wedding lot OF talk?"
ooh. no. they're trying everything for rheumatism
nowadays"
ssXYTHEN returned from the war. short time ago.
w my old pal greeted me thus:
"Wen. Henry, I'm glad to see you're back from the
'front.'
Now. always knew was thin, but never before
did realize my transparency"
CHARLES r. sEMoN, "Ths Marrow FeiIer"
At the AIhambra.
HXYIHAT is a easy mark?"
him hair tonic"
0XYIHERE was Hoboken fifty years ago?"
"XXIHAT would you call marrying six wvesf'
w "Polygamy"
1.-TWO wives?"
"Bgamy"
"one wife?'
"Monotony"
tsTs proper to bathing suit at card partyT'
mo; it's necessary to show only your hand"
0L IoW do you work typewriter"
WELL first you take her out to lunch, and
then
"oh, Henry!"
sGTHIs hotel is so crowded they can't fnd>a place
for the kid to sleep"
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
CARE PREVIOUS TO CALVING
able Stall, Well Uttered, n
Which There Is No Manager.

For ten days preceding the time
for calving, the COW should be kept
in a comfortable, well-littered box
stall or pen, in which there is no
manger. The feed should be given in
box or basket, which should be re-
moved after the feed is taken. The
coarse feed may be put In the corner,
and no more should be given than
she will eat This rule should, how
ever, be observed, not only before
calving, but at all times. Throwing
large quantities of roughage before a
cow leads her into the bad habit of
eating only the most appetizing parts,
and so wasting much feed 1t is a
good practice to take a lantern and go
the rounds of the barn, before retir-
ing for the night, to see that every
thing is as it should be.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
An Easily Opened Gate.

choking or by strolling onto the rail
Perhaps the whole herd breaks
through the neighbor's fields and
destroys his crops. Such things are
mighty unpleasant and cause bad
feelings among the best of neighbors.
Good fences and strong gates are
cheaper than good stock and dam
age suits Good gates and fences add
to the permanent value of the farm.
If man has not sufficient pride in
his farm to keep up his fences and
gates the matter of economy should
compel him to give these matters
attention
1t Is poor economy to allow a pure
bred cow to break through 81 gate
and get with calf to some neighbor's
scrub bull. The poor gate is the
weakest link in the fence. There is
nothing that adds more to the gen.
eral appearance Of the farn than
good, strong fences. Such appearances
amount to hundreds of dollars If we
are selling our farms.
The gate shown In the illustration
will be found to be of great con-
venience A pin is set in the gate
post and pole at least as long as
the gate is made to turn on it.
A box full of stones heavy enough
to balance the gate Is placed on one
end of this pole, and to the other end
Is fastened a piece Of strap iron that
connects with the center Of the gate
The hinges on this gate are pieces Of
round iron so set that ring on the
gate will slide up and down on them.
This allows the gate to be raised or
lowered.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
FOUND RIGHT PATH
After a False Start.
"Tn 1890 I began to drink coffee.

'Tn 1890 I began to drink coffee.
"At that time I was healthy and en-
joyed life. At first I noticed no bad
effects from the indulgence but in
course Of time found that various
troubles were coming upon me.
"Palpitation of the heart took unto
itself sick and nervous headaches, kid
ney troubles followed and eventually
my stomach became so deranged that
even a light meal caused me serious
distress.
"Our physicians prescriptions failed
to help me and then I dosed myself
with patent medicines till was thor
oughly disguised and hopeless.
Finally began to suspect that cof
Zee was the cause of my troubles. ex-
perimented by leaving it off, except
for one small cup at breakfast. This
helped some but did not altogether re-
lieve my distress. 1t satisfied me,
however, that was on the right track
$50 I gave up coffee altogether and
began to use Postum. In ten days
found myself greatly improved, my
nerves steady, my head clear, my kid
neys working better and better, my
hearts action rapidly improving, my
appetite improved and the ability to
eat hearty meal without subsequent
suffering restored to me. And this con-
dition remains.
Leaving off coffee and using Postum
did this, with no help from drugs, as ]
abandoned the use of medicines when
began to use the food drink" Name
given by Postum Co., Battle Creek,
Mich
There's a reason" and it is ex-
planned in the little book, '"The Road
to Wellville,'' in pkgs.
Ever read the above letter: A new
one appears from time to time. They
aYe genuine, true, and full of human
Interest
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
REST FOR cow is ESSENTIAL
Animal, Like Other Machines, Must
Be Given Sufficient Time for
Making Needed Repairs.
(By WALTER B. LEUTZ.)

(By w ALIEI b.
Too many farmers milk their cows
from calf to calf" In some states
the law forbids the selling of milk
of COWS within two weeks of calving
or five days after. This rest is none
too long and in fact young heifers
would do better if they were given a
longer rest before calving.
We once heard farmer at county
institute defend his practice of milk
ing his COW up to the last moment on
the ground that he worked every day
and wanted his COWS to do the same.
A woman asked him if he did not
rest on Sundays and he rather shame
facedly replied that he worked every
day in the week, particularly during
the summer months. Not much use
arguing with a man like that, but ex-
perience shows that 1t is much better
for thu health and usefulness of the
cow, especially heifers, to give her
at least a months rest during the
year.
A cow is a milk machine, it Is true,
and we want to get all we can out
of her, but like machines made OF
steel and wood she must be given
time for repairs or she will wear out
all to quickly.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
Knew Just What to Do.

A parlor lamp which did duty for
the same young man seven nights in
the week had struck, and was slowly
going out. The red glow grew fainter
and fainter, and as the shadows
merged one by one into the gloom a
weird and eerie feeling crept into the
young girls soul. George" she asked
III tones that were tremulous with
suppressed agitation, what would
you do if you were strapped hand and
foot in a chair while candle, stuck
in the top of a key of gunpowder a
foot from your head, burned slowly
down and down and down.
And George, who has been gazing
expectantly at the lamp, answered, Il
would blow it out"
She shivered.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
Would Purchase index FInoer.

One Of the Queerest advertisements
which has ever appeared in a news
paper was one which the other day
made known the wish of Mrs Regi-
maid Waldorf, wealthy lady Of Phila-
delphia, for new index finger.
amputated after becoming infected by
an accidental cut with rusty knife.
She appealed to DR.. Fred B. West,
who advertised for finger. He names
no price, but says his patient Is will.
ing to pay literally
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
Incident Overlooked.

A New Englad farmer, noted for
his uncontrolled temper, became CON
verted, according to the st. Louis Re
public.
A month later he was holding forth
to a number of friends and relatives
gathered at the Thanksgiving dinner
table on the subject of his religious
principles, his entire change Of char
acter and his kind and forbearing dis
position.
Finally growing enthusiastic in his
description, he called on his wife tc
uphold his assertions.
Jane" he shouted, "you haven't
had an unkind word or deed from me
since l got converted-now, have
you?"
There was a dead silence; then
came in meek, yet reminding tones
from the other end Of the table.
Jerome, Jerome, you've forgot the
time you bit me-"
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08

Scalding water Is an essential in the
dairy.
When butter prices are low there is
absolutely no excuse for keeping poor
cows.
An accessible supply of pure, cold
water should always be available for
the herd.
Tainted, musty or mouldy feeds
should never be served In the dairy
herd rations.
One Of the best indications of a
good milk COW is the large and tortu-
Gus milk veins.
Care should be taken that the COW
does not have to wade through filth
in the barnyard.
Pouring or dipping the mi sew.
eral times from one can to another
rapidly cools it.
To do good work the cream sep,
arator must be level and on a good
solid foundation.
The separator means the greatest
profit with the least cost In handling
and marketing milk.
A milk can washed in polluted wa
ter from the farm Well may carry
disease to thousands.
| Stop the churn as soon as the but
ter graduates if you want to work
out all the buttermilk.
The best COW may be made an ex
pense instead of a profit producer by
poor feeding and handling.
To be sweet and clean it is desfr
able that the cow stable be white
washed at least twice year.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
Dairy Products.

The COW will produce about seven
times as much human food per unit
of feed consumed as will the steer.
In fact, the cornstalks, leaves and
cobs produced on one acre of corn
If fed to a steer, will provide material
for about so per cent. edible dry mat
ter in the form of flesh, while if fed
to a dairy COW about $50 per cent
edible dry matter will be produced
National economy, then, would de
mand that our hill pastures and low
land meadows as we'll as the coarse
folders of cultivated fields be EN-
ployed in the production of milk.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08

Kidney Pills nave
cured thousands.
John o. Sedan, Mo-
desto, Cal, says: Il
was so weak I stag
gered like a drunken
man. I ran down in
weight from 176 to
1877 pounds. I had
practically no con-
troll over the kidney
secretions and the
pain in my back was
terrible. I became q
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08

nervous wreck and was given up by
our best physicians. Like drowning
man grasping at a straw I began u.s.
ing Doan's Kidney Pills and steadily
improved. In a few months time l
was back at my old weight. Doan's
Kidney Pills cured me and / give
them the entire credit"
Remember the name-Doan's.
For sale by druggists and general
storekeepers everywhere. Price SOC.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. 7.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08

says a writer in the Popular Mechan-
les. 1t is made of by inch mate
rial, about 3 feet long, hinged at the
lower end and clamped at the top
The stalks are placed behind the up
right piece and securely clamped
Several Of these devices placed al
intervals along the manger will make
it hard for the stock to pull the fod
der out and waste it.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
Sc lrinQ Cream.

The development of Tactic acid, or
the souring of cream, does not in
crease the lutter fat content. AS a
rule. when c-eam becomes sour it Is
more difficult to test than when it is
sweet. The difficulty in obtaining an
accurate test of sour milk or cream
lies in the fact that it is not easy to
obtain an accurate sample.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
BENEFITS OF GOOD F-:NCES
Nothing Adds More to General APP
pearance of Farm Than Good
Strong Fences-Prevent Trouble.

(By JOHN BAILEY BRUCE.)
Good fences make friendly neigh
bods Any man who keeps live stock
should have good fences and strong
gates. Broken down fences and dilap-
idated gates are constant source
of annoyance and trouble. Many
valuable animals are injured by brok-
en- fences and gates, not always by
the fence or gate itself, perhaps by
getting out through the fence or gate
into field of clover or grain and
eating sufficient to cause bloat or by
getting into an apple orchard and
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
TO KEEP HANDLES UPRIGHT
Often Be Found of Great Con-
venience Around Dairy.

It often happens that one finds it
convenient to have a pail on which
the handle will remain upright at all
times, says the Farm and Home. An
ordinary pail can be fixed to produce
the desired result. A piece of tin, a,
is cut as shown, and attached to the
side of the pail at the place where
the handle comes by bending the slot
over so that it engages the handle
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08

and will hold it firmly in place. This
type is for metal pals.
At is shown a piece Of tin cut
for use on wooden pals. Instead of
being bent over the edge of the pail
the piece is screwed to the wood.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
HOLDING FODDER FOR STOCK
Other Feeds That Would Be
Thrown Out, Just Invented.

Fodder, such as cornstalks that are
not shredded, is frequently tossed
out of the manger and wasted A
device for holding this kind of feed
against the wall In front of the
manger Is shown In the illustration,
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
RECKONING by Degrees.

1t was one of those warm spring
days when the temperature suddenly
seemed urbearably torrid. Thelma.
four years of age, broke off her play
to plead thus with her mother:
ooh. mother, please let me take
off some of my clothes! I'm a whole
petticoat too hot!"
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08

Mrs. Wins1ow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething. softens the gums, reduces inhamma-
ton, allays pnin. cures wind collie 25c q bottle.
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08
WHY BE WEAK7

Why suffer backache, headache.
dizziness, WEAKNESS, urinary irregu-
larities and other troubles that crise
from disordered kidneys? Doans
Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1911-09-08

We live by admiration, hope. and
Wordsworth.