The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1911-05-06

He Had Been
Through the Mill
NOR," said the shadowy stranger.
do you know that you are dis
- 9r,refrff,, f.s,..

gracefully fAt1''
We'll. by thunder. sir. you have your
nerver' cried Hsgway. Indignantly. Il
should be offended II one OF my Oldest
friends made such n remark to me. and
here you come into my office. q perfect
stranger. and make such q remarkl II II
were not for pressure OF important bust
ness i would kick you the length Of the
hall What do you mean. anyhow
Il mean just what say. AID 1 don't
visa to be offensive. There Is no sense
In carrying around all that beef You
ought to weigh nifty pounds less than you
do. and you might md out how to do II
II you would listen TO me for ten
minutes"
-Oh, seeiaYoure one OF these ding
bilted physical culture grafters- l sup
pose you run a one horse gymnasium
down behind q livery barn and you
want TO get me TO 10 there and pay
you lot Of money In advance. and
then put on a low neeked sweater anu
perform on a horizontal bar. like some
blame fool monkey.
You can't work me for any graft of
that kind. my friend 1 tried II once.
fooled around In a gymnasium for
three months and did lot of circus
stunts. and wrestled around with other
fat idiots. and when 1 got through
went down 10 the hay scales and found
l had increased In weight twenty
pounds
The Fat Man 0bdurate.
"AlI tho good that sort OF business
does fat man 10 to harden him and
make him feel like a ton OF brick
I do not advocate any such scheme.
Ny method IS entirely new and scien-
tinc. and was perfected by Prof. slim
buster. the great
Il don't care a cent about Professor
Slimbuster. Never heard Of HIM ex-
pect he's some cheap skate who peddles
corkscrews when there's nothing scienuhe
doing.
Il suppose you have some silly diet
scheme that you want TO try out on me.
but II won't do. l have been through
the mill my friend.
Il tried dieting last year. Family
physician advised H. l lived on bran
mash and denatured water. and some
times / went out on the lawn and ate
grass ike a COW. My sufferings banled
description. sir.
you'll never know what torture Is
until you see other people eating Dig
chunks OF porterhouse steak and mince
pie and things with cream and sugar on
'em. while you have to I'll yourself with
excelsior.
81 starved for week after week. and
what was the result7 I had 20 take all
could let ZEN out. They got too snail
for me. That doEFone grass diet fat
tened me up Ike a prize steer
No Dieting for Him.
You can't talk 20 me about dieting
Tor two minutes. IS Ions as nave
strength enough 20 ring for the janitor.
.q,fv system has nothing 10 do with
a,o,lng. II you viii only listen to me Tor
Few minutes"--
..Cr know just how IL would be
You have some blanca - s's a1,. "a, ~.
cs.ea baths I've been up against ne
,r-oS,cated bath fake. and you can 90
-, business with me 1 tFANeAeu
,ncusand miles a couple OF years az =
20 consult a specialist. ana ne SP
ne mcdlcated bath gag on me.
Gle gave me lot OF little powaer'
done up In pink papers SoaAeu me
FOR 50 for each powder. ana had 10
use one every morning ana evening
80 you see the bath graft 10 just as
fierce as any other Kind
We'll. sir. 1 dld as he told me. ana
after 1 had soaked and boiled myself
ia the bathroom for three weeks
WEIGHED myself and found had gained
ten pounds. Then 1 took one OF those
powders 90 A chemist and had 20 ana
lyzed. and he said 50 Was just common
salt There may be some virtue In
medirated baths. but ~ 4 ever try them
again III buy my salt By the barrel
at the grocery Store.
Won't Be "Stung" Twice.
- man who g. stunE twice In the
same way deserves all he gets"
"Rut Professor silmbuster's system
does not
Il don't care whether 80 does or not
You e ana tell tho professor 20 mend
hfs ways and quit botherinE people
who have a living 20 make"