The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1911-05-19
SHE
HAD IDEAS

Just what kind of place do you
think you'd like?" asked the man.
He was good looking man, and he
asked 1t with elaborate carelessness cal.
culated to advertise to the world at
large his fervid interests in knowing
her preferences.
The girl looked unrufled. She had
childlike eyes which aided in her as
sumption of an innocence of any par
ttcular motive on his part.
Il know exactly!" she said, enthu-
siast1cally. "I've always wanted a
country place and have devoted so
much thought to the subject that my
ideas are clearly developed. Only I've
never yet seen the place which exact
ly came up to my notions of what a
nice, alluring, comfortable spot away
from town should be. I'm always ma
king mental improvements. First, there
are the peacocks"
"Th-the what?" stammered the
man.
"Peacocks." repeated the girl, dis
tinctly. you always have to have
them trailing around over the lawns
and terraces, you know. They look so
well In pictures Of the place and in
background when you have afternoon
tea under the trees. Only l never in
my life saw peacock that lived up to
its reputation as decorative adjunct.
| "Peacocks," the girl went on, "are
always awkward, moth-eaten birds
with cold and distant glances, and
they occasionally squawk as they stroll
around hunting for their supper. Now,
the only excuse a peacock has for
breathing Is the feathers and apparent
ly the only time you can see those is
after you have slain the bird and
spread its tail adornments out across
the wall and nailed them there.
my plan is to take the peacock
while alive, spread out it's tail feath-
ers into beautiful fan shape and wire
them in position Then turn the bird
loose upon the lawn, where 1t will re-
main permanently beautiful decora-
ton. l shouldn't think it would make
any difference to the peacock, and
think how much better it would lo''k!"
That's an original idea, all right,
said the man. What else would you
suggest?"
Squirrels always go with country
place." declared the girl, reflectively.
only they are so elusive. You can
watch hours for them and not see
them, and it's waste of time and gets
on your nerves. l think I'd chloroform
a dozen squirrels and have them
stuffed Then I'd attach them to wires
wound spirally around the tree trunks
with sort of clockwork arrangement
connected and when you pressed but
ton on the front porch the squirrels
would begin racing around the tree
trunks up into the branches and down
again! I'd have one or two on the top
of the fence, too, and visitors from
town could have fits over the dear lit.
tie things whenever the conversation
grew dull.
Come to think of it. I'd have lots OF
things managed by pressing buttons on
the front porch, which really is the
most comfortable way of doing things.
Opening gates and moving lawns and
setting the sprinkler going-by the
way, that's another thing. I'd ha We all
the flower beds and borders arranged
with these elevated pipes full of holes
and when you pressed the buttons the.
would shower water Systematically and
flood the plants"
1.-The idea is new" said the man.
Thank you," said the girl. "Ther
when you come to the gnats and thu
mosquitoes, I've got them nailed tc
the mast People are so foolish trying
all these new-fangled exterminators
and preventives and fussing and wor
~ ing and wondering how on earth
the things got through the screens. It's
their nature to go through screens, sc
why not provide playground fol
them? I'd set up row OF porch
screens just outside the front fence
and put row of lamps back of them
Then the buzzing pests would say
Aha! Here is where we show yol
what we think of screens!' and they
would wiggle through and fall joyously
upon the lamps and sing and buzz and
have a perfectly beautiful time think
ing they were making you miserable
when in reality you are sitting w
peacefully on your veranda with youi
reading lamp perusing the last maya
zines. Both the mosquitoes and you
would be happy and satisfied and
everything would be lovely.
'As for keeping cooks, which they
say is absolutely impossible in the
country, I'd have deep pit dug with
spikes around the top and after captur'
ing a cook would drop her down the
pit with full equipment Of kitchen
furniture and have her send the meals
up by dumbwaiter too fragile for her
to ride upon. If she was at all tract
able I'd let her out in the yard on Sun
days-tied to a ball and chain, OF
course, and under heavy guard. Oh
can think of all sorts of things!"
II should think you could!" said the
man. do you think you could be per
suaded to consider an ordinary, hum
drum, Observation-Disclosures janitor
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS eight-room
fiat in town as residence and aban
don those-er-pipe dreams Of yours?'
We'll" said the girl, after a proper
amount of hesitation, ''Tm amiable and
easily persuaded. Tell me about it,"