davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14

They say that all the bills of that de
nomination reek
With deadly germs of which they are
almos afraid to speak.
They claim the man who handles n
is mostly apt to die
And many millions may he killed. they
tell US with a sigh.
The scientists have scared us stin quite
frequently of late.
But his time they have got in wrong.
we cannot help but state
That most of US will never have the
slightest e or Qualm,
In spite of this discovery. We'll nearly
all stay calm.
They've started some weird theories
and pulled some funny stunts,
But on this 81, 900 stuff, they've fallen
down. for once.
OF course the bills may have the mikes
exactly as they say
But they will never kill off any OF our
friends that way.
OH. WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
The old gentleman who used to carry
a quill toothpick in his vest pocket.
TIL good. old lady who used to begin
knitting Christmas wristlets and NIT
tens about this time Of year.
Tn long geared book agent with the
plug hat inc celluloid collar
The long haired ma who used to lee
ture ON the street corner n sell a 81
bill and Il cake of soap for 10 cents.
The old fashioned minister who used
to divide his rmOn into firstlys, sec
ondlys. thirdlys and fourthlys.
The village mllliner who used to be
acquainted with all of the travelling
gentlemen"
The old fashioned railroad train that
used to be on time.
FOR WARM MEMBERS ONLY.
Window sign on residence street:
: FURNISHED ROOMS !:
F: FOR GENTLEMEN I:
: WITH STEAM HEAT. !:
: /:
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14
Royal Fruit Cake.

This is II large recipe making three
large loaves. Can be kept for a year
or longer Five cupfuls OF -four, one
and one-italf cupfuls each of sugar
and butter. one half q cupful Of milk,
one cupfni molasses, one t%easpoonful
OF soda. two te~ispoonfuls each of all
spice and cloves. two tablespoonfuls
Of cinnamon. five eggs, one nutmeg.
two pounds or ~raisins, three pounds
% eurrants. one and one-half pounds
OF citron: bake about one hour or
lorGcr in 4 SLOW oven. +,
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14
ON GROWING OLD.

Has the though ever occurred to you
that people don't grow old like they
used to? It's a fact. They don't, and
we are beginning to believe that grow
ing old Is a very foolish custom. It
has been said by a contemporaneous
writer that 1t now appears as though
there were a good many hearty old
gentlemen in this country who win
have to be shot on Judgment day, and
this 10 ~ 1t should be. We don't mean
that they really ought to be shot upon
that momentous occasion, but We do
mean that they should jieep young
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14
Copyright, 1911, by North American
Syndtcate.l

THE SCIENTISTS.
The scientists, those
good dc souls,
are worrying once
more.
They're making new
of mic
crobes by the
score.
They've lately been
examining h &
$1,000 bills
Which move around
from hand to
hand and rest In
n~> A1nn-
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14
Christina. confeetion.

\ new Christmas CONNECTION. de-
ticiaas md quickly made. is made by
cutting rich fruit cake thinly and Dip
pins squares. t%rinnglcs. or circles in.
melted sweet chocolate. This bonbon
Is = aeltshttul find in the Christmas
f,>
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14

Past master in the art of slang.
For Webster he cares not Il hang.
He grinds out reams of breezy stuff
Anent the current football CUFF.
He coins his Words as he proceeds.
~1nventtng them to suit his needs.
II reader's can't made out the mess
They will simply just have to guess.
That's all. A
His spelling too is all his own,
No errors are hard to atone.
The words are his and it he makes
All kinds of plumbers and mistakes,
No one can criticise his lore
Fol it has ne'er been writ before.
In chatter of the H%ottentot
He tells of league and orncr lot.
Football.
He can inform r. Roosevelt
How simpiified words should be Spelt.
He lops off letters here and there
And has q whole lot more to spare.
The English diction weird and grand
He does not seem TO understand.
Conventions he is far above,
And he's a keen disciple of
George AIDE.
It's not the object IF the game
To call a thing by it's right name.
And IL he does adopt this tack
They say that he is going back"
~ IL Ia u ! AullG
How many polished folk each night
The paper grab. with might and main
To read his rambling but urbane
Tirade.
THINGS WI HAVE NEVER SEEN.
A newspaper reporter with an auto
mobile.
A chorus girl with Il glass eye.
A matinee idol with a cork leg.
E)1l0fnDrQnh thuf SnficinH nVorS.Inns1N,
in the family.
Man who would admit his automo-
bile was running ut it's best.
Baseball team that wasn't sure to
win the pennant.
Self-made a who wasn't proud of
the Job.
AN OFFER DECLINED.
We nave received recently from a
gentleman in Ely, New. several letters.
We are quite positive that he is a gem
tleman and a perfect gentleman at
that, because he has offered to make
US rich beyond the dreams of ayarice
Ere now. the reader may nave guessed
that the gentleman is in the silver mint
business. He says If we send him our
surplus resources he will. within a day
or two. make us rich as Rockefeller.
This seems like a fair offer mas
much as our available at the
III OIAo - w le
81 bills. q plugged quarter. a brass key
ring. w street car tickets and Il tin
match safe. But still. We hesitate t.
invest wen his insignificant amour
for. when we consider what wealth has
done to Rockefeller. we are not quite
certain that we IA to be rich. With.
u fear Of being called selfish we will
state that we prefer to keep our owr
hair and an internal organism that car
digest such delicacies as corn beef and
cabbs1e. pork ana beans or goldfish
cours a silver mine is a nice think t.
have about the place. but we feel tina,
we must decline he gcntleman's offer
Wealth has its drawbacks and we hav.
all the drawbacks we need now with.
out adding another. Furthermore. Il
there ~ so all fred much money I'm tina,
silver mine. we would suggest that thu
gentleman buy 1t himself.
We have, entered into several get,
hAvee purchased green goods. silver
plating outfits. magic lanterns, glasi
cutters. wall pape cleaners and fur
niture polish recipes. bu We have new
nF tackloA n silver mine for There 4.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14
Apple Salad.

Use red skinned apples and allie
one large apple to each person to Lc
served. Cut a slice from the stem end
of each apple and scoop out the cen
tiers: place the apple shells in cold
water to prevent them turning dark
Throw away all the seeds. taking the
centers from the apples. and cut the
pulp in small pieces; add equal
of chopped celery and chopped
nuts: mix with equal amounts of salad
dressing and whipped cream. Remove
apples from water and wipe dry; fill
with mixture. Garnish salad plates
and place Il filled apple on each plate,
pour Il t~easpoonful of dressing over
each apple and serve Immediately. or
apples will TURF dark.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14
SALADS.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
Green and White Salad.

One can pineapple. sliced. one
half pound Malaga grapes. one stalk
small celery. o~ne-quarter pound blanch-
ed almonds. Cut pineapple into small
cubes. celery into small pieces; kin
grapes and cut into halves. Put pine
apple and grapes into juice of two Or
anges and one lemon and put on ice IL
hours. Drain i'm colander. Put almonds
and celery into water. Drain in colan-
der. Cut celery with silver knife.
Dressing: Onc-quarter cup cream,
whipped; two tablespoonfuls lemon
juice, n tablespoonful sugar.. pap
rika. Serve on lettuce hearts.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14
Ea@N
@F.Tf1E.MowENT
~%8 By roy K. MOVIToN.

such a thing as getting rich Zoo quick
IL the promoter will excuse us, We
Will endea yor to remain poo and at
honest as possible under the circum-
stances.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14
THE BEST SWISS CHEEsE.

In a local cafe "A stranger ordered a
Swiss cheese sandwich, made of the
best cheese obtainable. The waiter
brought him two pieces of bread. but
the cheese appeared to be missing.
Look here, SIR" said the customer,
There is no cheese in this sandwich"
"Oh, yes there u.s." was the reply. You
see the best Swiss cheese is the one
with the largest holes in It," You said
you wanted the very best and you have
it." In fact, this particular cheese was
entirely hole. But some customers are
never satisfied.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14
Fruit Salad.

Three medium sized apples cut fine,
four stalks al celery cut fine. two ba-
nanas sliced, one cupful English wal
nuts chopped fine. IL pinch of salt, and
one ~teaspoonful of sugar. Serve with
mayonnaisc dressing.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14

into IL deep. round pan thai has beer.
for an hour in Il moderate oven. Ice
when cold with q: boiled frosting. or
namented with small crystallizcd cher
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14
SOME NEEDED THINGS

SOME NEEDED THINGS.
Asbestos Santa Claus whiskers.
Predigestcd turkey dressing.
Noiseless Christmas drums.
Colicless candy.
Mechanical toys that will work.
Christmas socks that will fit.
Cum links that WON urn green.
Price marks that can be rubbed OFF
OF raised.
Fifty cent presents that look like 81.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14

Past master in the art of slang.
For Webster he cares not II hang.
He grinds out reams of breezy stuff
Anent the current football CUFF.
He coins his words as he proceeds.
Inventing them to suit his needs.
II readers can't made out the mess
They will simply just have to guess.
Tlhnf'S oll
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-14

Soak over night In cv'd water tss>N
cupfuls Of dried APPLES. In tho ms,saA
ing drain the fruit and thon stf"nses
ing for two hours In mo,asscss View
drain, lcnvin. the fruit with a thlrs,
syrup, and chop. nddtnE u s~east>~NNsNas
each OF cinnamon, nutfneE aNd AZ
spicc; hnlf y teasronMfnt eArh "
ground cloves. mace and Htnt>sh NM
cupful Of mixed Mrd and hNttvt> msis
cd. q snail cuprul ut NrvwN saSsN
hAlf q cupful OF eeu c,vNM IN MssN>N
han been dissolved aN even tvAAfSNsAsss
Of baking sodA. and sWfvtcleNt es0ys
-four 60 form . stlff battery Ne~t wsss
until light and csvAN,s. atstsSNa ~ !
quarter OF = pound ~ MtNSSN eANSseS
orange peel and a half NeMN0 ~
0hQp0ed rNlalno Anil sMiANMlA wv
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1911-02-25

SQUARE, DECENT MAN, sPERRY
dust n bit while you're out sending
that wire"
You'll find one in the cellar guess.
but-your cIothes"-
"Ol, that's all right. Where's the
CELLAR"
Underneath" Ora ham told him sim
ply, taking down a battered hat from
hook behind the counter.
II know. But how do | get therc?'
':By the steps. You go through that
door there into the hall. The steps are
under the stairs to our rooms. live
above the store. you see"
eyes. Goodby, Mr.. Graham"
"Goodby, my boy"
Duncan watched tho old man move
slowly out Of sight. then. with groan,
sat down on the counter to think it
over. ut wouldn't be me if I didn't
make a mess Of things somehow" he
told himself bitterly. Nov you have
gone and went and done it, Mr.. For
tune Hunter. You stand swell
chance Of getting away with the goods
when you take wngeless job In n
spawned country drug store with no
trade worth mentioning and nothing
to draw it with just because that old
DIFFERS the only human being you've
spotted in this burg.
"Wonder what Harry would say II
he heard about that wonderful bust
ness ability thing But what in thun-
der can we do to bring business to this
bum joint?"
He raked his surroundings with a
discouraged glance.
"Oh," he said thoughtfully, Wt's the
limit"
Five minutes later Ben Sperry found
him in the same position, his head bent
in perplexed reverie. Sperry had been
travelling for Gresham & Jones, q
wholesale drug house in Elmira, more
years than can remember. Els
friendship for Sam Graham, contract
ed during the days when Graham's
was the drug store Of Radville, has
survived the decay Of the business
He's square. decent man. Sperry and
has wasted many an hour trying to
persuade Sam to pay little more at.
tention to the business.
Anything I can do for your" chirp-
ed Duncan cheerfully, dropping off the
counter as Sperry entered.
"No-o," amazedly. ~ just wanted to
see old Sam. Is he upstairsT"
mo; Mr.. Gruhan's not in Mt pres
emit" Duncan told him civilly.
Sperry winkled his brows over this
problem you working bere2" he
| asked.
| Eyes, sir"
! "Wsll I'll he hanonh"
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1911-02-25

enJUynient OF III, nlrle joke. 1t was
harmless. He didn't for moment be-
lieve that Duncan really needed en-
ploymcnt. and. on the other hand, it
tickled him immensely to think that
any one should apply to him for work.
We'll" said Duncan. staring, you
are the first man 1 ever met that felt
that way about it."
Sans amusement dwindled. 1.-THE
trouble is." he confessed-"the trouble
is, my boy. my business is so small
I don't need any help. There isn't
much of anything to do here"
That's just the sort Of place I'd
like" said Duncan impulsively. Then
he laughed little uneasily. II mean
I'm willing to take any position. no
matter how insignificant mean it,
honestly"
This might suit you, them
IT wish you'd let me try it. sir"
"But YOU don't understand" Ora
ham was serious enough now. There
wasn't any joke in what he had to say.
.'To tell YOU the truth, | can't afford
1t. When your pay was due I'm afraid
/ shouldn't have any money to give
you"
Duncan dismissed this paltry con-
siGcration with a princely gesture. ~
don't mind that part" he insisted
"Mr. Graham, if you'll teach me the
drug business I'll work for YOU for
nothing"
He said it earnestly, for he meant 1t
just Il bit more seriously than he HIM
self realized at the moment. and I'm
glad to think it was because Sans
serene and gentle, gui!elcss nature had
appealed to the young man.
Between you and me-" he hurried
on. Its this way-I've been here for
two weeks with nothing TO do but look
at a book, and it's got me crazy enough
to want to work."
AS for Sam. as soon as he recovered
he shook bis head in thoughtful dep.
recation. well. l swami he said II
guess you must find it pretty slow
down here But" Frightening, "if you
LOCI llittL WHY NDpul II u uGlltl tthC
you over to Sothcrn 4 Lees. They'd
be glad to get you at the price,
land in a week they'd think they
were overpaying me-" Duncan argued.
mo; I've been there. Why not try me
OH herc?'
"Wcll. Pm just little bit afraid you
wouldn't learn much, my boy. l don't
do business enough to give YOU good
idea of it.
Duncan brushed this impatiently
aside How much business are you
doing here now?"
Some days"-Gralam reckoned it
on his tingers-'I take In a dollar or
two and some days nothing There's
my sody fountain" he said. with a
jerk of thumb toward it-"got that
fixed up Il little while ago. and It's
bringing in a little--not much. You
see, need more sirups. I've only got
yanilly now.'
Soda water!" Duncan jumped at
the idea. Hold on! All the girls
round here drink soda, don't they?
"n.. 80" "'iL Graham abstractedly
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1911-02-25

years." he added irrepressibly. He ex-
tracted a fifty dollar certificate from
the sheaf and handed it over "rll
take receipt but you needn't mention
this to Mr.. Graham just now"
"No, certainly not" Sperry scrawled
his signature to tho bill.
"And about that line Of credit?
well, with this paid 1 guess you
could have what you needed in moder-
alton. OF course
"My name is Duncan-Nathaniel
Duncan"
Sperry made memorandum Of It on
the back of an envelope. "Any for
mer business connectionsf'
None that care to speak about"
Duncan confessed glumly.
Sperry's face lengthened. mo ref
erences?'
1t took thought and after thought
courage, but Duncan hit upon the So
luton at length. do you know L. J.
Bartlett & Co., the brokers?'
''Do I know J. Pierpont Nicrganr
"Then that's all right Tell your
people to inquire Of Harry Kellogg.
the junior partner. He knows all
about me-"
Noting the name, sperry put away
the envelope. That's enough. If he
says you're all right you cnn have
anything you want he consulted
his watch. "H-m-m! Train to catch.
But let's see. What do you need
here?"
Duncan reviewed the empty shelves
his face glowing. Pills" he said,
with a laugh-''all kinds Of pills and
everything for a regular. sure enough
drug store. Mr.. Sperry, everything
Sothern & Lee carry and lot Of at
tractive things they don't-small lots.
you know, until see what we can
SELL"
II see. You leave 1t to me- I proba-
bly, know what you need better than
you do. I'll make out a list this after
noon and mail it tonight with instruc-
lions to ship it ut the earliest possible
moment"
"Splendid" Duncan told him. "You
do that and don't worry about our
making good. I'm going to put all my
time and energy into this proposition
and
'Then you'll make good all right"
/ Sperry assured him. "All anybody's
got to do is look ut you to see you're 4
good business man." He returned
Duncan's pressure and picked up his
sample case. "Slong." said he and
left briskly, lenving Duncan speech
/, less.
AS IL to assure himself OF his sanity
he put hand to his brow and stroked
It cautiously. Heavens" he said aud
sought the support Of the counter
that's twice today I've been told that
in the same place"
''It's funny" he said. half dazed. II
never could have pulled that off for
myself"
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1911-02-25

"You-you know, my boy, you've got
splendid business ability" he asserted
with whole souled conviction
Duncan almost reeled. "What?" he
cried
Il was just saying you have wonder
full business ability"
You're the first man that ever said
that. wonder if it's So"
"I'm sure of it"
"Well,'' said Nat. chuckling, T'n
write that to my chum. Help
ooh, can tell" Graham interrupted.
"Now. l. Well. you see, I've been a
failure in business So far as that
goes. I've been failure in everything
all my life"
Duncan stared for moment, then
offered his hand. For luck" he ex-
planned, meeting Graham's puzzled
gaze as his hand was taken.
Wondering. Graham shook his head.
and gratitude made his old voice trem.
ulous. He put q hand over Duncan's,
patting it gently
appreciate" His voice broke. Its
mighty kind of you to buy the sirup-
very kind
Nothing of the sort, It's Just be-
cause I've got great business ability"
Duncan laughed quietly and moved
away. Well want to clean up bit"
said he Got Il broom? I'll raise the
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1911-02-25
CHAPTER VII.

!" HERE'S no questioning the fac.
that two weeks Of Radviiie
had driven Duncan to despcr
alton On the morning Of the
fifteenth day he Weakened in his room
at Miss Carpenters and lay for time
abed staring vacantly at the gaudily
papered ceiling, not through laziness
remaining on his back, but through
sheer inertia.
"Why," he reflected aloud, at does
not seem reasonable, but I'm actually
looking forward to the delirious dissi.
patton of church next Sunday!
me?
"If Kellogg could only see me now!
must have done something to deserve
this in my nisspent life.
Wonder if nothing ever happens
here. I'd give whole lot, if I had
it, for good rousing fire on Main
street.-the Bigelow House for choice
"And it's got me to the point of
drooling to myself, like those fellows
you read about who get lost in the
desert
"Come!, Get out of this! And. my
boy, remember to count that day lost
whose low descending sun sees moth.
ing accomplished, nothing done
Probably misquoted, at that"
Suddenly he rose and dressed.
He was late at the breakfast and
silent and reserved throughout that
meal. Poor Miss Carpenter thought
him dissatisfied and hung round his
chair, purring with a solicitude that
almost maddencd him. AS soon as pos
sible he made his escape from the
house
The walk he indnlsnd in that morn
ing took him liz vide circlc--soutl
on the road to the Gap, then east
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1911-02-25

aghast to recognize Josie Lockwood
and Angie Tuthill. Of whose ubiquitous
shadows In his way he had been con
scious SO frequently within the past
several days. II thought must have
made an impression. Don't tell me
they're coming in"
Behind the counter he struggled fu-
riously into his coat. "They are" he
said, with a sinking heart, "and I'll
bet dollar my face is dirty"
His bow was very 'passable imita-
ton of the real thing, he fiattered him
self, and there's NO manner of doubt
but that it fattered the two prettiest
and most forward young women in
Radville Of that day.
MAY have the honor of waiting on
you. ladies?" he inquired with all the
s.,avitv Of nm ACCOMPLISHED salesman
ere be contiAusd.)
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1911-02-25

TN HERE'S no questioning the fac.
that two weeks Of Radviiie
had driven Duncan to despcr-
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1911-02-25

ward, crossing the railroad and the
river, north through smiling agri-
cultural region. east to the Flats. He
was trudging up Main street toward
Center shortly after II.
Recognition of Leonard & Calls
familiar shop front fired him with a
spirit of adventure and enterprise. He
stopped short, thoughtfully rubbing his
small mustache the wrong way, his
vision glued to the embarrassingly can
did window displays.
ltd be all awful thing for me to do.
'"Think of yourself, man, jumping
counters in and out among all those
those things like Il lunatic monkey
performing on Monday mornings
clothesline!
He thought deeply and sighed. at
amt moral.
"But it's one Of the rules; it must be
done. Harry said Il ribbon clerk was
a social equal
Come, now! No more shenanigan!
Brace up! Be Il man!
"A man? That's the whole trouble
am man. I've got no business in
place like that"
He turned and moved away slowly.
But the idea had him by the heels
He struggled against a growing reso-
luton to. return. Then enlightenment
came to him suddenly. He paused
again, graphing with this amazing
revelation Of self
Great Scott! Harry WAS right, darn
him! He said this place would recon-
struct me from the inside out, and vice
versa. aud, by iinks, it has! 1 actual
~ want to work!
"Can you beat that-me?"
He swung back to Leonard 4 Calls,
mentally reviewing his instructions.
Lets see. ! was TO wait at least a
month to let the shopkeepers get ac-
customed to the sight of me. Hmm
Harry certainly has cute way Of eX-
pressing his thought. But it can't be
helped. can't wait. If do I'll throw
up the job.
I'm to walk in and say politely: Pm
looking for employment. If at any
time you should have an opening here
that you can offer me shall endeavor
to give satisfaction. Good day
"But be careful not to press it. Just
say it and get right out
With the air of man who knows
his own mind he pulled open the wire
screen door and strobe in.
Two minutes later he emerged,
breathing hard, but with the glitter Of
determination in his eye.
II wouldn't we believed l could get
away with It, Here goes for the next
promising opening"
He headed for Sothern & Lees drug
store.
wonder what that fellow would
have said II I'd had the nerve to wait
and listen"
In the drug store he experienced less
difficulty in making his speech and
exit. He fattered himself that he ac-
complished both gracefully. even i'm
pressively. And indeed you may be-
lieve he left gaping audience behind
him. So likewise at Godfrey's notion
and stationery shop
"Now, this afternoon" he unused,
"I'll wind up the job. BY night every
one in town will know I want work :"
1t was 2 o'clock or Whereabouts,
gather, when. shaping. his course to-