davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

Confound II. sed pop yestIdday
moarning, wen he dropped his koller
buttin, thare gos the ony koller but
tin / own In the werld-
The koller buttin rolled undir the
bed and pop tryed to reetch it, but
Karlo, witch. is our wattir spanyei
purple dog, got undir the bed
ferst, having moar legs to get undir
with, and picked up the koller but
tin in his mouth.
Heer Karlo, heer Karlo, sed pop
very Mise. as IL he liked Karlo very
mulch, witch he don't.
But Karlo ran out of the uthir
side of the bed and got undir the
bewro. avn akkount of beeing so
littil he Good get undir enything, I
CESS.
Heer Karloi
Heer Karlo, Mise little mizribil fee
bittin mongril. sed pop. getting down
avn the floor and trying to look under
the bewro and not being abil to avn
akkount of humping his he'd. But
Karlo jest stayed undir the bewro
chewing avn the kollir buttin, be-
klaus I Good heer him.
| Izent he the playful, littil animule
sed ma, and pop sed Yes, he izent
and he took a umbreller and startid
to poke 1t undir the bewro.
Good grayshus, sed ma, don't do
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14

now. When neckties disappear, do you
take the case?"
1T all depends on the neckties," re-
turned the great detective.
''Oh, these neckties were beautiful.
lovely. wonderful. scrumptious! They
were my husbands, and for color, de-
sign and general artistic effect. not q
wall paper in the house could touch
them. For months visitors at my
house admired them as they hung e-
my husbands tie rack And theIs-then,
last Thursday they disappeared. VIII
you take the case?"
Madam asked the great detective,
earnestly, where did your husband
get the neckties2"
II gave them to him..
Madam" said the great detective
again, as he winked at the ceiling,
this is one of the cases that 1 must
give up as unsolvable.S, I will send the
bin to- your husband
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14
sHE HOLDS IT Up TO TEE
Woman Who Straishtens the Chairs

ant dread, lest she move the chair
an iotum Of an inch.
You CANNOT have friends and
continue TO have such an Overwhelming
and obsessing desire for precision
It's terribly uncomfortable TO feel
that the instant one is out Of your
house, you are actively at work re-
moving all trace of a foreign pres
ence. No one wants to entertain the
idea that they have "mussed up
things. 1t gets in under their pride,
and stings like salt in tomato-can
cut.
Does It strike you as being a very
pleasant memory to carry away? The
departing guest objects to feeling
that she has left tracks which you
hasten to obliterate. as IL they actu-
ally smelled bad, or looked dirty.
A Pussy Crank
1t isn't any wonder to me, or to
the guest, that you have the un-
'savory reputation of being too nice
for anything That means that you
are considered fussy crank. If the
guest gets a chance, she retaliates
by calling you names. Maybe. she
is too well bred to get any vocal ex-
ercise out of the operation: but you
can take the word of one who has
felt her feelings that her brain con-
volutions are echoing with the unfiat-
tering names she thinks.
She begins, with deciding that you
are one of those ''nicey-nice" per-
sons. She re-sees your hand steal
ing out toward the G.siocated chair.
II you have added the browning at
front to your performance by sur
reptitiously wiping the mahogany
with your handkerchief to remove the
trace of her touch, she hurls her
revenge at you in the form of the
most obnoxious epithet. She thinks
You are "nasty-neat"i
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14
Loretta's Looking Glass

you could convince her that she would
be welcome-if she happened to get
the chair in which she sat an inch
out OF linei She has definite i'm
preston that you are such fussy
prude that you are not desirable as
a friend. She, resents your extreme
attention to detail, instead of TO her
Your divided duty has gotten over
balanced, and teetered so far toward
the chair that you cannot impress
her with the belief that. she counts
when your upholstery is in question.
Anyway. IL she ever does come
again-I should not in her place!-
she will be afraid to rock. even. A
long breath will fill her with poign-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14
It's New Business
ENGLISH IOKE FOR roDAy

The objection of the golf club fogies
to people playing in their shirt eIeeves
Is that 1t makes the game as easy as
work.-The Pink I'm.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14

SSH o come again SOON. 1t has
~ been such pleasure to have
you!'' -
As you say the words. you are
executing a kind of sidestep toward
the chair in which your guest sat.
She sees the half sickly smile upon
your lips. But she also sees the
sidewise glance in your eyes. Warm
as the words are, they lack the real
hot water bottle soothing, something
that should mark them. Your eye
and your crablike movement are cold
waterish!
At last, as she makes a few part
ing remarks, you reach the goal of
your desire. Your hands close over
the back Of the chair. You shove 1t
gently to the exact spot where 1t
was when she arrived A conscious
ness that she had dislocated one of
your domestic members overwhelms
her with a~sense of discomfort as
painful as tight shoes on hot day
with corns sprouting.
Your Anxiety Disappears
You have no sooner restored the
chair to its accustomed place on the
very pattern in the carpet, where 1t
Is beginning to wear a hole, than
your anxiety disappears. You repeat
your ELUSIVE wishes for more Of her
society. You insist that she shall
not regard the formality of call for
call. You urge her Just to run In
any time. You emphasize that your
house is right on her way downtown.
You ask her to keep it's location in
mind. and drop In often.
The only location she has room for
mentally at the moment is the spot
where that chair has been replaced.
You could talk till you had paralysis
Of the vocal cords and suffered with
an acute attack of suffocation before
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

''The far east seems to be the thing in
drama today" said the stage-struck
youth as he hitched up his trousers to
avoid any possible bagginess.
Yep" said the stage doorkeeper. as
he kicked the door shut, 1T was a long
time coming, but it's here at last. Ever
since that man wrote that book, let me
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14

letter this morning found me woe
fully blue. To begin with it was raining, had
headache and your letter dreadfully short, all
% of which were enough to send the seesaw of my
emotions down into gloom instead of up into the
sunshine / was terribly cross about it until dad,
with that funny little smile of his, suggested that
lay aside my feminine nature, with its propensity
to jump at conclusions, and be masculine enough
to figure out the situation"
Then he read the weather report, which said
"fair and warmer tomorrow" babe me take good
cup of coffee for my head and read between the
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14

see, he had a name like he had a
session with a bunch Of poison ivv-oh
yes Hichens, I've been looking for a
spasm of oriental drama.
M Here II Is
M here 1t is. It is in our midst so,s
to speak. We have The Garden of
Allah. n The Arab and 'Kismet' all
at once fell swoop as it were. The
papers and magazines are all full of
pictures OF authors and actors snoopin'
around the Soudan with cork helmets on
-lookin' for local color And all of them
Jersey City orientals that was forced
out Of business by the big fire at Coney
Island are wearin' smiles that refuse TO
evaporate. The Aborn Opera Company
mad better make an iron clad contract
with that bunch Of bounding camel
drivers that helped the Bohemian Girl
along to success the past two seasons.
suppose 1t won't be long until we'll
nave the alleys back of the play houses
all snelled up with camels and droue-
darles and donkeys and nobody will
dare eat anythin' but dates for lunch.
l can see the bunch now draggtn, the
imitation palm trees out of the prop
room and tunin' up the wind machine
to simeon pitch.
It's New Business
It's new business, and for one. am
glad for that innovation stuff There's
been nothin' like it since Blanche Bates
was tourin' of THE country in Under
Two Flags. She had atmosphere galore
ana l USED to get my eyes so full of
sand that I couldn't see AMMAN malx,n,
a sign like askin' me to -Aave a drink, !"
DO you think this new era of the
eastern dramaSwill be success?" asked
the s. s. Y.
I dunno" answered the 8. d. X"
but we're liable to have the anthithesis
next year and play up the wild west for
a change. Now wouldn't II be funny II
they starred Buffalo Bin and Pawnee
Ditto in the drama? what?"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14
M A ME TELLS BE L E
The World Is Cram
Full of Villains, Bot
THAT PLAYS SHOW EN- UP

IE festive has rolled around again. Belle, wha
the propretors of poplar music stores dust ost
their show windows, chorus girls lay in the seasons
stock O. rouge and matinee idols shine up the
photographs taken ten years ago for the annual
display in the lobby. Belle the theatrical season
has opened, and just love the theater.
If it wasn't for the theater, Belle, how would
learn what villains there is in this world7
It's the ony way innocent fellows and girls get
the education that1lwarn em to bolt the front door
and the back gate after they get married and keep
EN- bolted all day to pr'vent the villains and vii
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14

long, all of which singing
happiness all day, n spite of the rain
1t sounds foolish written, and it's also,
that moods moods but love
forever nothing make me blue for very long.
Four Long Weeks
Do realize dearest that have been than
monmore than four weeks And kindness
old Father Time he has hurried
makes the OF
Do think home Thanksgiving? Oh,
only could could only satisfy myself that still
that hair still the and that
weren't getting tired and thin from much work. I'd feel in
mind know But feel that such thing dream
of the fabric of the ranbows (only sunshine g through the
clouds of sepaaon and dare heart
Economy of Space
Mother has been giving lesson the economy of
In the today showing the why and wherefore having
place everything the building of shelves
the careful arrangement of everything "
together with a funny little that she taught
"A little place for everything
Will keep the whole house
And don't forget things back
To make all clean and
The little maid who learns keep
Each thing within its place,
Will make a gentle, charming wife
That any home will grace"
Isn't dear and and od-ashiond?
planning and their first little home
make all clean and and thought APPLYING this
knowledge home" thought INV brain
and heart awbr again with the happiness that
about with joyous thoughts.
&c. after ALL despite the the day sunshny one
with the best kind of sunshine the cheerness from con-
tentment. Good night, dear
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14

others affections.
No play nowadays least one ae
sgnin character whose through Jour
acts tryn yank married affections by public
expects IT, and when the public thing
there's always somebody supply it
Things Just Start With the Wedding
&c. Belle you you breathe after you've
landed and drop
play that's those riots with music known
musical comedies
It's genly the husban that falls in love with somebody that s.
not his wife, but after the fellows the have turned
half dozen EN- they they have the wife fln
love with the villain the husbn n with the vlainess and
all of em havn battle finale scene with
body denounc everybody thunder
payin the deuce outside the window.
had terrible dream the other night Belle dreamed went
a villain vlaness showed
the first the second the third and the audience began
make rumblin like invisible
the fourth there villain vaness
sight grab the affections of leadn leadn
and the audience pulled
their pockets and began shoot
woke bein killed Belle
wouldn't be awful somebody should happen write play where
all the characters happy?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14
Knew Him

Uncle Baggs-Here, my boy, throw
away that cigar at once.
Boy-Yes. an you'll. pick II UP an
smoke. No fear, IL you Just follow
me up I'll give you the butt
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14
The Necktie Case;
Or, Keep II Dark

I'm all out Of BREATH she painted
Try little air from 'Tannheuser'."
invited the great detective suavely, az
he drew forth his violin.
mo, thanks" she said, IT feel better
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-09-14
Our Huckster Says
He Can Yell Some

When people treat me right, there's
not a more agreeable little Teller in
the world than me, but. say, DO, I'm
an Indian forsrevenge. R-r-revenge,
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
WORKINGMAN'S WANTS

wORKINGMEN-The bone and sinews'' Of
the land have found the stock that We have
on hand; tailored slightly used coats and
vests, 81 to $4; We supply the demand; you
save sand" one price. JCSTHS OLD
STAND, 619 D.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
PROPOSALS
829 7th St. N. w.

OFFICE OF THE COMMISSIONERS, Dis
trict Of Columbia, January 20. 1911. Sealed
PROPOSALS will be received at this office until
o'clock D. m, Friday, February g. 1911 for
constructing a twelve-roOm school building,
No. 165, at the southeast corner Of Eighth
and T streets northwest, Washington, D. c.
a deposit of $40 will be required to guar
antee the return Of plans. Form Of proposal
and all necessary information may be 30
tained from the Chief Clerk, Engineer De-
partment, Room 427, District Building Wash
ington, ID. e. CUNO II. RUDOLPH, JOHN
A. JOHNSTON, WILLIAM v. JUDSON,
Commissioners. D, G,
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
CIVIL SERVICE

If YOU WANT PItman shorthand, touch
tvpewritlnE, progressive bookkeeping. or
Civil Service preparation go to the only
business college in Washington that has been
endorsed by the Official reporters Of the House
and Senate and the only school that has an
ex-Civu Service examiner TO prepare yo4 tor
Civil Service examinations. THE DH1L-
LERY, 100 New York ave. n. W.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
MASSAGE

SCIENTIFIC MEDICAL MASSAGE, baths.
thermal, dietetiC. and electric treatment for
all form of chronic conditions; pleasant and
rational treatment. OfTiCe hours until O:30
a m: to $50 D. m. Phone West 929 2719
St N W. Consultation free. Profes-
sional references.
ANNA B. JOHNSON. 1914 18th st. N. W
Late of New York. Magnetic, alcohol de-
velopng and reducing treatment; graduate
masseuse North 1926.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
WINDOW CLEANING

HOW ABOUT THOSE DIRTY WINDOWS.
white help and moderate prices. LEON l.
cIHOON, Acme Window Cleaning Co., re.
moved to 81 G St, n, W. Phone u, 7sa,
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
BIRDS AND ANIMALS.

SINGING CANARY in a brass cage, or
young parrot, puppy. kitten. aquarium with
SCHMID'S BIRD STORE, 712 18th st. n. w.
DOGS RENDERED IMMUNE from distem-
per by vaccination with imported German
serum. Particulars upon application. DR..
CECII. FRENCH. Us 18th st. n. W.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
NON-MEDICAL HEALING

PROF. H. n. D. PARKER'S Method of
drugless Healing excels and cures Pam
phlet mailed or at office 1922 9Th St y. w.
WATCH THIS SPACE NEXT MONDAY
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
FLOOR OILS

WHITE WAX FLOOR OIL polishes stained
hardwood floors and furniture; 25c quart.
delivered in city. (Call for free sample bot
tle) Phone l. 16S or drop postal to WEBERS,
Paints and Hardware. Sl3 Nd. ave N. E
DON'T BUY FLOOR OIL until you've tried
ours; S5c gal ENTERPRISE HARDWARE
Co 927 9Th st. n. W. Phone NJ. 5051.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
DUMPING GROUND

DUMPING GROUND, CONVENIENT TO
THE BUSINESS SECTION.
Easily accessible from any part Of business
washington. Make arrangements for priv
ieRes Of dumping with
OLD DOMINIO>E DUMPING CO..
700 ST. n. W.
ETours 10 TO I.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
MOTORCYCLES

IMPORTANT FEATURES Of 1911 READ
ING STANDARD No. l: both valves me-
chancalIy operated to give perfect timing;
interchangeable So that one valve may be
used for either intake or exhaust Watch for
feature No. IN tomorrow's issue. T. y.
MGDD. JT.. l-23 New York ave y. W.
FOR SALE-Used Motorcycles-I 1908, l 1899
1910 Excelsior. one twin 1910 Indian. l 1910
single Indian, l Harley 1893. Yale for sale
cheap. p NJ. con, SIS 9Th st. n w
Agents for Yale Motorcycle.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
WANTED-ROOMS & BOARD

WANTED-In new section of city, south
single room in warm house; SIS per month.
BOX 212, Times office
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
PICTURE FRAMES

THE WARNER ART CO, SIS St y. E.
We frame pictures at 1-3 less than any
dept store Try us; be convinced. Open
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
FOR SALE-MiSCELLANEOUS

$500 for 9X12 Administer rugs.
$500 for 1Sx40 gilt framed mirrors.
$500 for $63 3-piece NAH. p. suite.
$1,000 for $35 oak china closet.
$500 for $40 quart. oak buffet.
$4,000 for $50 quart oak C. closet.
$1,000 hat rack for $1150.
$3.50 for $65 single q. o. mir. front
wardrobe
$3.50 for $65 single oak. mir. front
wardrobe.
$3.50 for $3.50 chiffonier.
$14.00 for $21.00 mahogany toilet
table.
The above goods are very cheap
and must be seen to be appreciated.
We have large stock on hand.
NOTES FURNITURE
HOUSE,
829 7th St. N. W.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21

COAL AND WOOD

Coal AND WUUU
SPECIAL ON COAL.
We handle best grade Read
i1g Coal at regular prices and
deliver in canvas sacks with
out extra charge for storing.
s% DISCOUNTS TONS OR MORE.
Phone n. 6s5S. Prompt Delivery.
CHAS. S. EISINGER,
2I22 7th at. n. W.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
DANCING

PROF WYNDHAM, SIG 18th st. y. W, class
Tue. and Thur. eve, 7:3O: lesson, Soc: for
s. 80; private. any hour. guarantee all sChol-
ars correct dancing Phone Main 1913,
Misses Chamberlain and Cobb's Dancing
Studio 21S Eye st. NV: dances every Tues
at Carroll Institute, 9l6 10th st. NV. NJ 2Si2.
MISS COULTER. now at SD7 j. st. y. w.
II YOU can walk can teach you to waltz.
Lessons any time. J0c. Phone North 2625.
DAVISON'S. Prof and Mrs, 719 9Th y. w;
Est 1892. Phone NJ. 1854. Lessons any hour:
classes and dances, Tues, Fri evs. Assem-
bly dances Natl Rifles ArmOry every Sat. ev.
PRIVATE DANCING SCHOOL
Only One Taught at Time.
Latest Dances: Two Instructors.
1919 n Y ave SELECT. Phone NJ. 5S29-Y.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
RESTAURANTS AND CAFES
ROOMS AND BOARD

CAROLINE ST. y. W, 1524-Between T and
I--Nicelv furnished front room for SO per
month, board II desired.
EAST CAPITOL ST. 65o-Room and board
in private family.
GRANT PIA, 17-Sman room for single gen
tleman.
25TH ST. 1124-DelightfuI rooms, with board.
$25; also furnished rooms, 'S0i private fam
ily.
9Th ST. y. W, 730-Weu heated room;
good board for . more; S week.
I1TH ST. n. W., 1114-Nicely furnished rooms
with excellent table board
EYE ST. y. w, 1121-Large rooms in corner
house. with table board: well heated.
H ST. n W, 603-Nicely furnished front
room, suitable for two; with good board
18TH ST. N. w. so1-Furnished rooms. with
board; single and double.
18TH ST. n. w, S16-Large second floor
room for two; one single room; table board.
OCTAVIA APT. CAFE-American plan; first
class home cooking; 2 meals a day; private
dinners; also bachelor apis. Phone Col SIC.
1868 Columbia road.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
AUTOS FOR HIRE.
GARAGES

AUTO STORAGE-Only $3.50 per month for
dead storage. We VIII sell your machine.
STEAM AUTO SHOP, \. j. ave. and Z
repaired
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
TAILORS

WINTER, 6O4 F ST. y. W. the Reliable Tall
or g5gc reduction on entire stock OF I'm
ported and domestic wOOiens. No flt, no pay.
Try me and be convinced.
GIVE US ONE TRIAL-An kinds OF guar,
antcod French dry cleaning. dye!ng, and
tailoring. L. LUTSKY. 1872 3lst st. W. 4s6-
SPECIAL SALE-$3S Sack Suits and Over
coats $3.50. $50 values, $50. guaranteed.
A SHERMAN 2l23 1fth NJ. 1913.
SPECIAL in full dress and tuGeuO suits lined
with silk throughout. S35
M I.AVENSTEIN. l724 Pa. aye. NJ. 5OlS.
ZINE TAILORING, cleaning and dyeinE.
most reasonable IN town, suits so up. M.
RAcHRACH q CO.. SIG 9Th st. y. W.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21

DIR. REED, Specialist,
804 18th Street.
n years successful practice in the cure
of chronic and nervous diseases means health
TO you II you suffer from catarrh. obesity,
rheumatism, constipation. piles. throat, lung.
brain, heart, blood and skin diseases. nervous
debility, kidney diseases, bladder troubles,
specific blood poisoning, eruptions. ulcers.
CHARGES LOW, INCLUDING MEDICINES.
Private Waiting Room for Ladies.
Offce Hours: 10 to l. to 6, Sundays 10 to IL
SO4 SEVENTEENTH ST. n. W.
DR.. FISKE ELGIN.
Expert in treatment OF special diseases,
chronic. and acute. Prices moderate. 14th
and Pa ave. n. w. Phone NJ. 7647
GLOBE SPECIFIC.
SYRINGE 8 TO DAYS FOR A CURE.
Sold by all druggists. 81 per bottle.
THE GLOBE CHEM. CO.. Washington. D. C..
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
SPiRITUALISM

MEETINGS SurGay. Monday. Thursday. s
. m; MESA e to each. daily readings.
MIS-. MALTHY, g3S st Phone y. 39i2.
MRS WHITE will have her seance on
Wednesday and Friday and Sunday even
tuEs < O'Clock 30 Sth St y '"
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
WANTED--ROOMS

MIDDLE AGED office man wants warm fur
nished room with writing table (itted for
light housekeeping preferred, or take meals
il agreeable); private family; give price and
particulars. BOX go. Times office.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
DYERS AND CLEANERS

JON WITH Us. GOOD WORK AT SMALL
suits month. s1O0. suits month. 500.
DENNY, The Tailor, I22S F5o3a SI n st. 5(;4W q; vi
CLEANING pressing. dyeing and remodelng
Of ladies' and gents clothes. our specially {;
delivery. f. A. EMERSON. 1928 Wis. ave
The Washington times., 1911-01-21

YOUNG LADY-Neat. to work in confectlon-
cry store. Apply KQLB's, bQS -I4th n, W.
The Washington times., 1911-01-21
SITUATIONS WANTED.
Male

BY YOUNG colOred man. place as driver
or any kind OF work. refer, noes. Address
402 st. n. W.
DRIVER or elevator man and jantOr, ppr-
ter hOuseman; two reliable industrious
young colored men. 10I1 New York ave.
MAN-Colored, place to work on farm; any
ind cF 4
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1911-10-19
NOTICE TO CONTRACTORS.

Sealed proposaas willabe received at tha
office of the Mayor, Gty Hall Bangc.,
day. October 24th, 1911, for doing all the
work necessary for the excavation, and
for doing all the work and furnishing all
the material necessary for the erection of
the foundation of -lhe proposed new High
School Building, according to plans and
specifications prepared by Peabody and
Stearns Architects, Boston, Mass.
Plans and specifications can be seen at
the office of the Mayor, City Hall, Ban
gor. Maine, or at the office of Peabody
and Stearns, So State Street, Boston,
Mass.
All proposals must state how soon work
can be commenced.
All proposals must be made on a form
furnished by the Committee.
All proposals must be accompanied by
a certified check for five hundred dollars
t$50000) TO insure the good faifh of the
bidder. Said check to be returned If pro-
posal is rejected.
The Committee reserve the right to re-
ject any and all bids.
PER ORDER OF COMMITTEE.
BY Chas. w, Mullen
oet17d5t Chairman