Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1911-12-08
SOME WIVES
WANTED
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1911. by Associated Lit
erary Press.

Spring had just opened ut StraWher'
ry hill diggings when something oc-
Cured to put US all in a. happy frame
of mind Deacon Turner, who had left
us in the fall to pass the winter in the
east, returned to camp. He brought
with him n grand scheme, and public
meeting was called that he might I'M
fold it. can clearly remember him as
he stood on the head of an empty pork
barrel to address the go miners as
sembled. He was tall and angular and
serious. Whenever a man died within
twenty miles OF us his comrades sent
for the deacon to conduct the funer0
services, and the deacon did it in such
a nice. smooth way that everybody en-
loved the occasion. | also remember
his opening address. He said:
"Feller Cirizens-Let us git right
down to bizness. This ere camp, mum
berlin go men, is a-cryin' out like the
children in the wilderness fur-what:
Whisky? No; you ar two barls ahead.
Meat? No; thar's plenty OF meat. Pun,
kin pie and feather beds? No; we
hain't no use fur Injuries What our
hearts is achin' fur is $50 wives to
soothe our weary souls. Tremendous
applause. No place is home without
a woman. No man kin be happy with
out a wife. [Whoops and yells.l Para
disc wouldn't be with shucks without
women. More yells.I When our work
for the day is over we hev no homes
to go to, no wives to welcome u.s. no
body to smooth us down and comb orr
hair and sing soothin' songs to rest
our weary limbs.
why hain't we got wives ana
homes?" demanded the deacon as he
raised his right arm and extended It to
ward the east.
"Cause we hain't gone at 1t to eli
EN-. Away off thar in the east are 2oO
women a-cryin' OUT fur husbands and
homes. [Long continued applause, J
kin almost hear 'em boiler. They want
'em, and they want EN- bad"
The most intense excitement prevail
ed when the deacon stepped down. He
had been east where there were wom'
en-. He must know that they were
pining to come. He was followed by
Judge Pearsall. who had two or three
wives back in the States. but who
feelingly declared that he wanted one
of the drove of $50. Then Colonel
TAYLOR. who had run away from his
second or third. mounted barrel ana
shed tears as he drew picture or
happy home at Strawberry hlll-a
home made happy by the presence or
wife. Two or three others had some
thing to say in the same strain, ana
then Deacon Turner unfolded his plan.
The camp was to raise as large Iunu
as possible. and the deacon was to re-
turn to the States, collect the 2oO te-
males and conduct them by the quick
est route to Strawberry hill. We were
pIaying in luck just then. and the
smallest contribution was 50. l be-
lieve the deacon took away with him
in cold cash nearly $1,000. Every
mans name went down on the llst,
according to the amount he PAID, ana
the following schedule was posted on
the traders front door:
twenty-five dollars gifts the pick OF
the lot.
Twenty dollars gifts regular wild
der.
Fifteen dollars gifts grass wilder
HTen dollars gifts gal.
give dollars gifts an old maid or
whatever is left over.
mo departure from these rules I'M
| der any circumstances"
The schedule" seemed perfectly falr
and was accepted by all. The deacon
left us in May, and we could look Tor
him back in September at the latest
If was three months to day before
the lookout posted on the hill signaied
to us that a caravan was in sight
Had a barrel of powder exploded IN
camp the excitement could not nave
been greater Everybody got into his
vest at once, and, according to pro
gram, we marched to the hill.
BY and by the cavalcade appeared
Deacon Turner appeared first. Behind
him, seated on a mule, came female
"a woman, one lone woman. Ihat
was all! She was fifty-fve. years Old
wrinkled. gray haired and almost
toothless, and she didn't look supreme
ly happy.
"Whars the other 249?" demanded
100 voices in chorus. while score OF
men ran to the top of the hill.
"Tll explain later on" replied the
deacon as he continued his way to the
camp.
He did. After he had tucked the old
woman away IL & snanty he came out
to us and said:
Boys, low me to introduce my
wife"
But whar's our wivesY' yelled the
crowd
Boys, we Didn't fgger jest rlghtF
continued the deacon. when / got
east l found that women had riz like
all git out and could git married
quickef'n lightnin'. | didn't want to
cum back empty handed. and So PAID
that ar critter in thar (pointing to
the tent S1,4O0 to marry me and cum
along. The balance of the fund was
used in travelin' around. I'm sorry
but if women has riz no one is to
blame fur It."
We got the deacon under tree and
a rope over n limh but wiser counsels
prevailed. and his 'tre was spared. His
''critter" died in about two weeks