davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

The invalid was On the road to 70
eovery and the physician had just pre-
scented his bill for $500.
Doctor" said the patient, lyon
missed the opportunity of your lila
You should have been a nerve cpec
fAlist."
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
A Painless Death.

A teacher in the factory district Of
Q New Jersey town had been giving
the children earnest lectures upor
the poisonousness of dirt.
One morning a little girl raised hei
hand excitedly and pointed to a boy
who seldom had clean hands.
Teacher she said "look quick!
Jimmie's eommittin' suicide! Hee
euckin' his thumb"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

"Your enemies are calling you a
boss"
"Yes," replied Senator Sorghum.
what are you going to do for it?''
well, in order to avoid being called
a gutter or a mollycoddle, l guess
I'll have to make good my right to
the title"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
No Use Shifting the Blame.

The youthful author pocketed mis-
rejected verses, but could not swallow
the editors criticism.
"Sir, said he, not without dignity.
"a poet is born, not made"
Young man." returned the editor
blandly, lit won't help your case to
try 10 shift the blame on to your par.
ents."
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
Little rhinus Worth KNOWING.

Little Things Worth Knowing.
A dollar bill is 1928 inches long and
3.04 inches wide.
A citizen OF Munsey Pa, sent to
postmaster general 6 cents in rep
aration Of short postage
China has sent ship load of coal
to San Francisco as a sample and
hopes to get orders. Very little coal
is used as household fuel in China
outside Of foreign homes.
In 1909 italy made a profit of $12,-
821,665 out. OF its salt monopoly.
The export Of fish from Norway
rose to $19.554.0O0 in 1909.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
The Real Mistress.

Wffe-rm not going to take the
new servant girl along with me any
uaoro when l 60 to market.
Husband-Why not?
Because SHE puts ON so many airs
that people who don't know me th1nA
that l am the servant girl and she
the mistress.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

Alex. F. Robertson. A. Stuart Robertson
ROBERTSON & ROBERTSON,
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW.
Staunton, Va.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
Mean 70 Him,

The Polite Gentleman Tin street
ear)-Madame, permit me TO offer you
my seat.
The Plain Looking Woman ]
don't want to deprive you, sir.
The Polite Gentleman-Don't hen.
ton 1t, madam. l alight at the neu
corner.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

Il dreamed last night that pro
posed to you and you accepted me-"
Dreams go by contraries, yop
know"
Il know, and I am not going t<
propose and you are not going to 70
eep& me-"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

IL ATTORNEY-AT-LAy Y,
STAUNTON. "a.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

There was little silence as they
rolled along. Then the maid of honor
spoke casually.
Neither Tom nor Cora seemed bit
scared at the wedding" she said.
never saw people bead as they did.
They really seemed happy!"
When the young man spoke his
voice was gruff. Mot half" he said
las happy as you and l would have
been il things hadn't gone wrong! oh,
Gehevieve-l can't stand it any longer
Isn't there chance for us to go back
to the beginning and start all over
again."
The maid of honor was crying into
her ridiculous handkerchief. Il
thought" she gasped, I'D just d-die
all evening, l was so miserable. Do
you really carer
Thank heaven Cora's mother hap
pene0 to send me home with you"
murmured the young man, somewhat
indistinctly.
For the first time the maid OF honor
laughed, checked, historical little
laugh. 'She-she didn't happen to-"
she confessed. Il asked her to-"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
Is It Really?

He-Miss Highnote is certainly .
plain-looking girl, isn't she?
She-Well, she isn't a beauty; but
when you hear her sing you will for
get her face.
He-Gracious! Is her singing as bad
as that?
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
All That's Necessary"

THAT boys a musical genius"
How do you known"
He remembers every tune he
hears"
What good will that do him?"
when he grows up, he can com,
pose a musical-comedy."
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
All Easv

I'm thinking Of getting married"
Then you will be. Congratulations
"But how much will it cost US to
Hve?"
That's simple. Add about S. .
week to what you get"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
In a Nutshell.

Poor men dream that socialism
will make them as rich as rich men,"
yep. And rich men fear that so
cialism will make them as poor as
poor men. It's the same thing, but
hence the argument
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

Experts declare that the interior Of
Bolivia is one of the richest uneX-
plored gold fields in the world. need
ing but the development of the coun
try to be the center Of the worlds
gold supply.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

Succeeds Late Dr.. n. NJ. MoIlhany
Rev. Beverly d. Tucker son of Rt
Rev. D. B. Tucker Bishop co-adjut1 },
of the diocese of Southern Virginia
has succeeded the late. Rev. Fl. NJ. McIl
hany Phi. D. at st. .Paul's Menoria
charch at the University Of Virginia
and entered upon his duties last Snr.
day.
Rt. Rev. r. A. Gibson D. ID.
bishop Of Virginia Was present at
the first service.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

A handy tool for cutting rubber
sheet or soft packing can be made
by cutting a set of saw teeth. inclin-
ed toward the handle. in one blade OF
q pair of shears. the teeth holding
the material to be cut.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

The damage and waste caused by
smoke in the larger cities of the
United States each year is estimated
at 500.00O.000 by an official of the
Geological survey, who says his fig
ures are conservative.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
More Than a Hint.

81 my have remained a trifle late
but her remarks were too pointed"
What did she say, Ferdy?"
Told me their lease was about TO
expire"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

Tungsten lamps, made with short
and strong filaments to Withstand
shocks. are coming into use for auto
mobile headlights. their small volt
age being an advantage over carbon
flament lamps.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
A Wifeiy Scheme.

Mrs. Swift-Why nag your husban;
30 about that carpet? He has agreed
to beat it.
Mrs. Smith-Well( If he's thorough
" initiated he'll make much better
Job.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

She-Shall I have your lunch
brought up to you here, dear?
He (feebly)-No, love; have it
thrown straight overheard. It viii
ave time-a1d trouble.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
WILLIE SMYTH HAS A HOME
Big Policemen Cried When Murder
er's Little Son Left Them

Norfolk, Va Feb. 6. - Big police.
men cried like little children when
Willie Smith, 8 years old, babe them
g bobby.
Willie has been conspicuous figure
around police headquarters since last
August, when his father. J. J. Smith
killed his mother and little sister.
For this crime the father was cleo
trocutea and Willie. with no home
to 60 to, was taken care Of by the
police and by his childish ways won
his way into the hearts Of the big
and little guardians of the peace
Chief of Police Kiser managed to
get the boy admitted into the or
phans' Home in Buffalo, N. T., and
yesterday was getting-sway day.
Willie cried, too. and asked every
policeman he saw to send him his
picture. MI. Kiser accompanied
Willie to Buffalo, which Is an honor
that few homeless boys. sent away
from Norfolk, have been shown.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

An automobile being tried out in
England consists Of pair of large.
soiid-tired wheels. from the axle Of
which is suspended platform car
rying the driving mechanism and
seat for two persons.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
Mot Pleasant Theme.

Il like" said the bachelor, ITO see
a man buy his wife everything she
wants."
$50 do L" said the benedict, "but ]
don't care to hear too much about it."
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
MORE FAITH THAN CURE.

what il your opinion OF the faith
eure?"
I am beginning to fear" answered
the skeptical person. that It requires
hope and charity more than it does
hith."
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
Heredity,

Father, why are you so old fash
toned in your notions"
81 suppose it's heredity, nv SON
remember when I was your age ]
asked my father the same question:
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
Peril in Altitude.

The aviators couldn't fly on &C
count OF the weather.
'Ah, now l know what is meant by
the exposure of the man higher up"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

Mrs. T. y. Peary who was called
here BY the death Of her father Cap
tain A E. Fulcher has returned ia
her home in Blueheld, W. Va
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
SmeIled a Rat.

Congressman-I heard Senator
Koyne is In very bad odor nowadays
Senator-Yes; he tried to railroad
q crooked fertilizer bill Through.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

- ATTORNEY-AT-LAW
Second Floor. Masonic Temple,
Mutual Phone. srAUNToN. VA.
fan6
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
MAY Ga.

"Why does a big crowd always
gather when a man has a fit?'
II suppose they want the address
of his tailor"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
Drowned.

Drowned.
Tall Man (at seashore)-He said
anybody could manage sailboat.
Thin Mantle did-what then?
Tall Man-His funeral Is tomorrow
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
The Truth of IL.

"The average man is in debt"
That's not true. The average mar
mas no such luck"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
And That'ssone Reason.

And That's sOne Reason.
"Why is it that gamblers so seldom
succeed"
Because a gambler can't help
making a 81 bet on one-cent argu-
ment."
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

John B. COCHRAN.
Attorney.st-Law
Barristers Row.
Mutual Lvne 291
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
AFTER THE WEDDING

been snatched from them eternally by
a cruel fate, just because he marriee
a nice girl and settles down. It's
"Oh, don't mean it that way pro
tested the tall young man. I'm not
down on matrimony. l think l was
blue because It wasn't my wedding.
If
Aren't you frightfully tired?" broke
in the maid of honor hurriedly. Il am
standing up at that reception for
three hours straight! l can't imagine
why Aunt Matte went home without
mel"
Il hope, said the young man, stiffly,
you don't think l forced myself on
you! Cora's mother asked me to take
you safely home.'
Oh" said the bridesmaid, with
equal haughtiness. Il knew OF course
it was something like that! l knew
you never would condemn yourself to
an hours ride with me unless you
simply couldn't get out of it, I'm very
sorry you should be bored!"
Nov, Genevieve," said the young
man, don't be so foolish! You know
perfectly well I'm not bored
Il suppose" said the maid OF honor,
Jelly that was the real trouble-my
constitutional foolishness! That was
why you discovered it was all a mis-
take"
~" cried the usher. If it wans't
you who broke OF our engagement fair
and square d like to have some one
point out to me what really happened
Il thought you wanted it broken
OIL" said the maid of honor. I'm
glad it wasn't announced and nobody
knew it. I'd hate so to put you to
any trouble or annoyance. AS 1t is,
nobody is the wiser. l don't suppose
Cora's mother realized she was pick
ing out the one girl in all the world
you disliked most for you to escort
home. Isn't it funny?"
Perfectly killing" said the young
man. 1T makes me feel about as
much like laughing as funeral would
It's a shame, too, when the best man
obviously was yearning for my
chance!"
why didn't you give it to him,
them" inquired the maid Of honor,
smoothly.
Great guns" breathed the usher.
You don't really care anything about
Tad Kirby, do you? He hasn't enough
brains to put in peanut shell. for all
his money. he"
Your temper certainly hasn't i'm
proved any," broke in the maid of
honor. You haven't a particle OF
right to object to Tad's paying me at
tentions IL choose to let him.
Pm quite well aware OF that!" said
the young man, stormily.
Well" said the maid of honor, lit
doesn't make any difference to you, SO
it can't worry you much"
That's all you know about it, said
the usher. "Why-if things hadn'
gone to smash we-you and I-would
be having our wedding just about
now!"
Think OF it," cried the maid of
honor, Interestingly. Think what
you've escaped and thank fate. Why,
all your best friends might be sigh
ing over you, as you just sighed over
Tom. and mourning because thew had
lost you! AS it is, you are safe and
rescued and entirely free!"
Pm glad you can be so philoso-
phical," said the young man. 1T
shows you really didn't care much if
you can consider the affair so lightly.
Not that expected your heart would
be broken, but l thought possibly you
might have a little tender feeling for
what is past-and for what might have
been"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
SMILE MAKERS.
ooh. the noet. of Counsel,

'Have you ever read Byron's poem
about ''Rhe Girl of Cadiz?"
who's Byron?"
ooh. the poet. of counsel"
mo; I've never read any poem
about the girl of Cadiz. but I've been
in Ohio. '-Birmingham Age-Herald.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

Mary Ellen, why is it you are al.
ways smashing your gold eyeglasses
and the stesl ones stick on your nose
as though glued there?'
Cant you guess why"
mot unless it's a sign that riches
are fleeing and the poor you have al
ways with you"
mot at all There is nothing al.
kgorical about 1T. The season is just
scientific. It's my magnetic attrac-
ton, that's all"
"Hogan's COW bruk into the straw
berry patch this mornin', s0or, an it's
HWY damages we sh'uld git from
him."
'It's no use. Patrick. He'll be sure
to swear it was somebody else's cow"
"The divil bit, sorr; he can't. Od
shut the haste in there fur Evidence"
Judge.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
A little girl was greatly interested

A little girl was greatly interested
in watching the men in her grand
fathers orchard putting bands of tar
around the fruit trees, and asked a
great many questions. Some weeks
later when N the city with her
mothre, she noticed a gentleman
with a mourning band around his
left sleeve.
Mama she asked, whats to
keep them from crawling up his other
arm?'-Everybody's magazine.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

The kind lady had just handed the
hungry hobo a sandwich and a piece
of pie.
poor mani" she said, sympathe-
tiaclly. Are you macried?"
NOM answered the hobo. Il got
dis hunted look from bein' chased
from place t place by der perlince.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
Maxine Her Look Old

Making Her Look Old.
"My husband and l lived happily
together for seven years"
"What happened then"
"He shaved of his mustache ana
~ Coz to looking like boy again"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
RECKLESS.

John Qor king at a drop of water
through a microscope)-"It is won
derful."
Janet-...Come ava, John! What
would come of us If the horrible
things should brak' out O. the wa
teri"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

when you are grown up," queried
the visitor. will you be doctor, like
your father?''
"Oh, dear me, on! Why 1 couldn't
even kill a rabbit replied the boy
with great nkness.-Argonaut.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

9. D. TINBHRLAKK, JR. B. Z. 3. NELSON
TIMBERLAKE q NELSON,
Att)rneys-at-Law.
and Law Building, Staunton, Va
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

EITZHUGH ELDER,
ATTORNEY-AT.LAW
Rooms and Masonic Temple.
Stanton. Va.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

Henry dislikes being bathed and ar
CUES with his mother over every
square inch of his four-year-old an
atOmy.
One night, when his patience was
especially tried by what he consider
ed wholly unnecessary work, he ex-
claimed:
"Oh. mamma. couldn't you skip my
stomach? Nobody ever sees my
stomach library.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

When things come to such pass
that United States Senators have to
be elected twice by Legislature, as
in West Virginia, the last argument
in favor of direct election seems to be
advanced. Baltimore Evening Sun.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
I AWOITICEOI
II J.A.xALEXANDER,
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW
Nos Lawver'sRow.

THO MAS D. RANSOM,
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
Court House Square, Staunton, Va
General Practice-Virginia
and West Virginia.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

Tommy-Pop, what is the Office that
seeks the man? Tommy's Pop-The
tax office. my So.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10
pEYTON COCHRAN
Attorney and Counsellor at Law
STANTON, VA.
No. IA Court Place.

HAMPTON h. WAYT,
~ ATTORNEY. AT-LAW.
Practice in all State and Federal Courts,
General Receiver for Corporation Court
for City OF S.aunton.
Eehels' Building. Staunton, Va.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-02-10

w H.LANDE5,
W. ATTORNKY-AT-LAW.
STAuNT0N, VA.
,I Hs:ai Court House Square.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1911-09-14

Prize Dorset, Illinois state Fair.
become intolerable by the willing
glare of the midsummer sun and
nothing feels the effect of this more
than the sheep. Their wool makes
them feel effects of heat more than
any of our other animals. 1t makes
them uncomfortable One has but to
look at flock lying painting in the
shade on a hot day to be convinced
of this.
The wool OF the lambs being longer
than that of the eve makes them suf-
fer more than does the eve. This
alone would check the growth of the
lamb. but the worst of all is the fact
that with the coming of the summers
heat the ewes flow of milk drops off.
The usual shortage of pasture at this
time is also conducive to this.
With the falling off of the mothers
milk the lamb too often receives a
serious backset. What can the poor
little thing do? Its chief support is
gone. 1t turns to the pastures. but
they, too often, are bare of any save
the spsrsest vegetation.
Live It must and does, but between
the heat of the MONDAY sun and the
scantiness of pasture, 1t too often ends
in what We too often see in market
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1911-09-14
Love Works by Wire
Copyright, 1910. by Associated Literary Press,
BY M. J. PHILLIPS

Hello said Neil Blanding; SIS this
Broad five-nine-eight-seve
mine" and 1--we" sound much alike.
especially when the line is not work
ing we'll. A girls voice at the other
end OF the line said YES" in that far
away, eerie, impersonal tone that a
contrary telephone will sometimes inn
part.
This is the Williams-Valentine Ma
chine company. Please send one OF
your trucks down for pickup"
"Just a moment, please" returned
the other voice, little more distinct
ly, "you have the wrong number. This
is Broad flve-fve-eight-seven.
"Oh!" calculated Blanding; II
wanted fve-nine instead of five-five.
Beg pardon"
"Granted-Mr Blanding!"
Banding secured the express COM
pany's office and delivered his mes
sage before allowing himself to pom
der on this most surprising rejoinder.
The girl with the PARKWAY voice knew
his name.
He was a humble unit in the big Of
fee force of the Williams-Valentine
company. He knew scarcely score
of persons in the city's swarming hum
dred-thousands, and certainly, he re-
called to himself, not a girl with so
pleasant and well-modulated a voice.
Blanding looked about the office
speculatively. Was it joke of one
of the stenographers, using another
phone crossed with his? No. All
were at their accustomed places. Per-
haps, then, his conversation had been
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1911-09-14

carried on with the private Office of
Mr.. Williams or Mr.. Valentine.
But this guess proved incorrect.
The doors were open; from the presi-
dents Office came the urgent click of
Miss Peters typewriter. From the
other room sounded the steady drone
of Mr.. Valentines voice as he dictated
to Miss Marion.
Neil Banding put the-mystery away
for bordering during less urgent mo-
ments. There was work to do now.
He lay awake half that night in his
narrow, sitting hall bedroom. But
the baking heat seemed more bear
able than usual He had the incident
of the day to think about.
The next day, when the hands of
the clock pointed to IL Banding
found it necessary to call the express
company again.
He smiled as he took down the re-
ceiver. 1t was just this hour yester-
day he had called, and had been given
the wrong number OF course the
incident was closed, as far as he was
concerned. In due time he would un-
doubtedly find out who that girl was
NUMBER said Central.
Blanding replied Broad five-five-
eight-seven."
He realized, before the words had
barely passed his lips that he had
called the nvmber which had been
upr ermost in his mind for "a hours.
Bread f1vc-fve-eight-seven said
Z the girls voice, as familiar to Bland
ing's waiting ear as though he had
been hearing 1t for years.
Oceanic Express company" he
queried, craftily.
Came a little ripple of laughter.
mo, Mr.. Banding; you have the
wrong number-again"
Who is this?" he demanded
boldly.
Broad Observation-Disclosures came
the demure reply.
YES, but who is that?"
why don't you look it up in the
book?" was the retort, in voice fair
ly bubbling with mischief He
hook.
Why, indeed? It would be a mon
umental task, as he OWNED by
glance at the ponderous. blue-bound
book.
Banding loitered that night until
he was the last person in the Office.
Then he took the telephone book