Omaha daily bee., 1911-04-01
LOOK, WHAT HAVE We HERE!
A Bunch Of the Kind Of Funny
Stories Englishmen Tell.
LOCAL COLOR GETS THE LAUGH
standard Specimens OF the Points
which Reach the RisibiIi-
ties of J. Bull and
His Family.

| ties OF D. huAA anu
His Family.
For several years 1 did column Of hu-
morous matter for the Brooklyn Times TO
offset Bob Burdette's efforts in the same
| line for the Eagle, and after years OF de-
liberation II is a question who worked
| off the most chestnuts, Bob or myself. II
was obvious 70 the cub reporter. One day
he pasted on my desk what 1 then con-
sdered an insult. but later confessed the
| truth of. 1t was;
"Chestnuts revamped."
There is nothing new under the sun
Fun, satire, wit and humor has livened
up the people Of the earth so far in the
past that history wots not it's beginning,
over 1000 years ago a Chinaman came to
neighbor and requested the loan of
hempen rope.
Il can not lend It to you. as I have some
rice to tie up in IT," was the reply to the
| request.
But you cannot tie up rice in rope"
insisted the borrower.
Il can tie anything up in a rope that
do not wish to lend"
This story has been accredited to the
Arabs also.
his son not to go near the water until he
had learned to swim
According to George Ebers. the cele-
brated Egyptologist, the mother-in-law
Joke antedates, the pyramids by a few
hundred years.
OF course. the hlmor Of the ancients
was somewhat intermittent. They had no
Doesticks, Dickens, Nasty, Billings or
Twain. Nowadays there Is not a country
that does not have one or more humorous
publications.
Foreigners, as a rule. do not understand
our wit and humor. Sir Alfred Harmsworth
once remarked to me that American hurnor
was coarse and sometimes brutal Mark
| Twain and Peter Finley Dunno are the
| only American humorists who are accepted
by Englishmen. On the other hand, we
do not appreciate the humor of Punch, the
Englishman's delight.
What They Laugh At.
have seen an Englishman laugh heartily
over Joke in Punch that couldn't see
any point to, until It was explained to me-
and no doubt that gentleman considered
me as dense as we consider them when
we tell them a funny story and get sort
Of panied look, rather mystifying to be
sure, instead Of the laugh which was ex-
pected.
1t is the local application Of the Joke
that counts the world over The funniest
thing 1 ever saw was the charge a year
ling Hereford bull made at a barbed- wire
fence in the Texas panhandle. He struck
the fence full tilt and the rebound caused
him to turn a complete back somersault.
He landed on his hoofs all right and
there he stood all straddled out with a
look Of establishment on his face that
was almost human. 1t was so ludicrous
that 1 laid down in the mesquite grass
and rolled over In spasms of mirth. Then
he began to bawl like a whipped child,
turned tail and ran as from a banshee.
was at dinner in a Bradford club and
told about it, expecting to get laugh but
all got was this from Hon. Smith Feather,
mayor of that Yorkshire city.
by 1ove! 1 didn't know those wire
fences were so strong. It's a jolly good
thing the poor brute wasn't injured"
However much we may deplore the fact
that Englishmen can not see the point to
our stories, 1 will say that l heard many
good story while in England. 1 was
put up at the Savage club, and there met
many Of the prominent men of London
One day / was invited to join a party at
the round table and there I heard the fol-
lowing stories. which go to prove that an
Englishman can tell good story that we
can appreciate.
Goodbye to the Sergeant.
BY DR.. Leander Jameson, who was re-
sponsible for the Boer war;
"A drill sergeant had an awkward squad
! out putting them through their PAGES. one
in particular was aggravatingly dense and
the sergeant began to rag him.
""Ere, you red'ead, old your cad
hup 'igher. There, you bally hum of
| Tommy Atkins, old It there.
Z" Must Railways old it this way, SER
sergeant? asked the recruit
Ives, old It there blyme your
Then good-by, sergeant I'll never see
you again
Disgrace to the German Army.
THAT puts me in mind of a story heard
in Berlin, said Bran stoker, celebrated
as Henry Irving's man Friday.
This German drill sergeant had his
awkward squad out. His eye lit on one
tow-headed chap who had just been torn
frcm home and mother to serve his time.
Hey, you; your shoes are dirty!
e Yes, my lord
land your clothes are not brushed
" No, my lord
"'And your gun is dirty
"'Yes, my lord
land your buckles are rusty!
Eyes, my lord
land you are not shavedp
No, my lord
"'Well, thunder and lightning, what is
your name. anyway?
My name is schmitt, my lord
so your name is schmitt is it? Colt
in himmel, what won't you do next to
disgrace the German army !?
why the Highland Train stopped.
BY w. W. Jacobs, who looks like the
limpresario of comic opera company. but