The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-03
Not a FIt Son-in-Iaw.

$50 you want to marry my daughter,
Ell % asked Grimes, regarding the
young man before him with disfavor.
You are candidate for a responsible
position as my son-in-Iaw, hey? Well,
can't say that I am favorably i'm
pressed. 1 have been aware for some
time that you were paying attention to
Genevieve and I have studied you
closely. and you don't appeal to me
why, Mr.. Grimes, 1 have no bad
habits
mo bad habits! And only last even
Ing l heard you speaking of the var
sity nine! A man who uses such a
word as varsity can't have any daugh-
ter of mine while I have a shotgun in
the house. What's the matter with
the good old American word 'univer-
| c1ty? When I hear a young man say
| varsity I always feel that he uses tai
cum powder and wintergreen chewing
gum on the sly
1T will be no trouble to quit using
word you dislike, but it seems to me
your reason for rejecting me is a queer
one"
"It's only one of many reasons,
young man. AS 1 said, 1 have OBJ
served you narrowly, and 1 am not at
all pleased. l shall never give my
consent to the marriage of my daugh-
| ter with a youth who wears yellow
! shoes. Why should any man wear
yellow shoes and look like a blamed
pelican? Black shoes cost no more
than yellow ones, and q man with
black shoes on his feet doesn't look
like Fourth of July celebration.
81 hate to see a young man try to
make himself conspicuous, and there's
nothing that attracts more unfavor-
able attention than yellow shoes.
| You come to my house with such
footwear and then add insult to in
jury by wearing little patches of
whiskers in front of your ears. If
there's anything 1 detest it's incipient
side whiskers. If you must wear
whiskers wear a mans kind of whisk
ers. Don't come to my house wear
ing those little patches and expect me
to consent to your marriage with my
beautiful and accomplished daughter. d
Mr.. Grimes, your objections seem
frivolous. If there is anything against
my character@"
"Oh, hang your oharacteri The
Iyoung man of these times thinks he
must answer every requirement if he
doesn't smoke or gamble or go to bed
with his socks on. I Judge mans
lcharacter by the little things, the
things which are overlooked by toe
Imany parents. You may have your
pockets stuffed with testimonials
showing that you are a shining ex-
ample of virtue, but 1 can't forget the
fact that you try to sing tenor with a
BARITONE voice. i haven't much faitn
in the discretion or good sense of q
Iyoung man who thinks he can sing
tenor when he can't. I never was Sc
shocked as when you stood up at the
piano the other night and tried to join
in the chorus of Every Little Move
ment with a voice that needed oiling
the worst way. 1 don't believe my
daughter ever could be happy with a
Husband who would try to sing tenor
when he hasn't the equipment for it.
| Recently, as you remember, 1 had
occasion to visit your room, and
can't tell you how deeply panied L was
when 1 saw a copy of african Game
Trails by Roosevelt, on your reading
table. There is something wrong with
any young man who will waste his
time reading such book. You have
your way to make In the world, sir.
How much do you expect to accom-
plish if you sit around reading such
Literature? What have African game
trails got to do with providing for a
wife who has been reared in the lap of
luxury? The right kind of young
man would be reaching Thirty Years
in Wall Street or The Rise of ].
Pierpont Morgan in order to fit him
self for the struggle with the world.
Go. young man, and reform your con-
duct and prove yourself worthy of my
daughter Come back in a year and
We'll take up the matter then. Chi
| oooo