davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
SIDNEY SMITHS GALLANT WIT

From the New York Telegram
 Besides being celebrated humorist. the Rev. Sidney Smith, protector of the Edin- burgh Review in 1892 was gallant cleric.
 Once when this happy Christian philoso- pher was walking in his garden with a young woman she stopped to look at a flower. saying;
 "1 do not think this pea will come to perfection
 Taking her by the hand he wittily ob. served
 Then we'll take perfection to the pea.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

The machine is slipping cogs rapidly, and the outcome will show that Chair man Underwood has builded wisely.
 He will fully expose the republican party and then the voters of next year can safely be left to do the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
THE LAST STRAW

From the Louisville Courier-J ournal.
 Anyone who cannot believe in total de- pravity after learning that breakfast food dealers have cut their two-pound pack ages to 20 ounces is the perfect pattern of an optimist. Selling two pounds of break fast food guaranteed to build up muscle, digestion, money making ability, mental acumen and other things Is bad enough, but to defraud the purchaser in the mat ter of ounces Is infamous
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press
 A wife seems to take as naturally to potted plants as to babies.
 A man learns so much by middle age it's a pity he doesn't also learn how to make some use of it.
 The reason a man knows he can paint inside the house for his wife is she's so depressed to have him do 1t.
 People are born such optimists that they just go on and on hoping they are going to get something out of life.
 There is kind of man who can get so in the habit of making failures that he expects you to think they are successes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
Municipal Receipts and Expenses

Leaving out of present considera- tion debt reduction and new assets the city's statement for May shows a de- ficit of $103, ,66S, for expenses in May footed up s162,O92, while the revenue of May was but $58,374, If ali pay ments be included the May deficit stands at $146,267.
 During the month of May S54, ,742 was paid to the board of Education, and this encourages the belief that the deficit of the summer months will be that much less. The police will continue to absorb about $13,OOO month; the fire department, $18,O0O; streets and sanitation, $6000; street lights, $4000, and interest on city bonds, $32,000. These five items alone call for $73,000. The salaries of the commissioners and other officials carry the monthly bill to s80,00O, or just about a million a year. At least dozen items of expense are not in- cluded.
 The city really needs revenue of S1 ,200,000 a year, and even then the commissioners would have difficulty in making ends meet. The expenses of May were $162,000 exclusive of debt reduction and new assets.
 The city's fiscal year ends on June 30, and the ordinary revene of the last fiscal year was as follows:
 Real and personal taxes. .s441,359 Licenses ..............''' ood'oSd Fines and forteits ............. oS'Vzz Interest ................ o'ool Franchises and privileges. 3'SoI Departmental revenue ......... bO'SfI
 rotaI .s8s7,o87
 Here indeed is problem. The city has an average monthly revenue of about $75,000 a month, and it is spending from $100,O00 to $150,00O a month. Until expenses are reduced to $75,OOO a month-possibly s0,0Oo- expenses will continue to exceed re- ceipts and deficits will continue to accumulate. The city is by no means on it's feet.
 Possibly, however, these figures are to some extent misleading, for the Greater Birmingham act did not become effective until January l, 1910, and the report of the auditor for the last fiscal year may not there fore be clear guide to present con ditions. The commissioners could make things plainer by presenting to the electorate an estimate of the city's revenue in the fiscal year to be begun on July 1.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
ALSO ALABAMIANs

From the Houston Post.
 A North Carolina man killed himself because he was short $5oo0o. If all the Tar Heels who are short $50,000 were 10 kill themselves, there would be terrific shortage of Tar Heels.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
IN LUCK.

IN LUCK. man." "On what grounds?" He Is always playing the photograph. J "Is that his only form of dissipation?" 'Yes, your honor." "Go home, woman, and rest in peace
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
A DAY DREAM.

A DAY DREAM I've never travelled round the world, But that's a plan appeals to me, And fore my mortal race is run I hope to visit Kankakee.
 Birmingham Age-Herald. I've never travelled round the world, But hope, if I should play in luck, Some day before iife's book is closed, To visit dear old Keokuk.
 Louisville Post.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
Cotton Culture

Few people have realized up to date the great work that is being alone by the railroads of this country in bringing about better farming conditions" said T. O. Plunkett, general agent of the cot ton culture department of the Southern railway and the Queen and Crescent. Personally, I give more attention to Mississippi and Alabama than any other section in the cotton belt. and it might be of interest to the public to know that we are conducting under our super vision from five hundred to thousand experiments or demonstrations.
 "Ono|oc the prettiest experiment farms in the south is on the Queen and Cres- cent at Graselli, in Jefferson county. the farm being operated by the Grasselli Chemical company. and do not hesi- tate to say that its educational value is of great importance to the farmers of the south. The seed planted on this farm | is said to be the best bred for staple cotton in the south. I found the whole field in the pink of condition, all the plants of a healthy, vigorous growth and the entire field free from weeds and grass. | The rows are given proper distance and there is proper distance between the
 plants in the row. was also pleased to
 note that owing to deep blowing in the
 prepara ton of the land the method of
 fertilization and shallow cultivation, this
 cotton had not suffered at all from the
 drouth.
 | T an. pleased. too, to note that the Grasselli people are always glad to have
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
IN THAcKERAY,s TENDEREsT VEIN

Thackeray's New Discovered Romance,
 "The Knights of Barselen," in Har-
 pers Magazine.
 ;. Farewell, oh, gentle mother. and peaceful haunts of childhood. The old Chronicle spelled at sunset in the hall window, the old tales of knight and fairy told at night by the great hall fire, which made every banner and helmet on the wall cast gigantic shadows round about the little, trembling, wondering listeners. who sat at the knees of the old almoner. Good-by, Don the greyhound, and Boris the old, toothless, mumbling wolf dog, who could do nothing but bay of nights and sit lazy in the sun, watching FranclS and Isabeau as they played in the court or busted themselves in their little gar den under their mothers window. How pleased and silent and tender used she to sit and watch them from it! How care- fully she will tend FranclS's flowers when he is away, and clip and water his rose tree! 1sabeau is growing to be a young woman now, and will soon care for other things besides childish pinks and rose bushes; other hopes and desires will swell that fair bosom of hers, and carry her heart far away. But here in this lonely place is all the poor mothers world, and all her little store of happiness Is shut in by the old castle gate. How she has treasured up all the lads sayings; how she will look wistfully of nights at his little vacant bed, and lie awake long hours thinking of him, ner gentle heart full of thoughts inexpressibly, sad and sweet. Many risk and danger has he to run in this wild world so full of snares and temptations: but err and forget as he will. there is one who always remembers, and night and day Is praying and yearn- I, ,iv,,'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Edward Hines deals in yellow pine and he just naturally adopted yellow meth eds when he went into politics.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Andrew Carnegie must have been shocked when he read in cold print what he had said about John w. Gates.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Spokane wants no male dairy maids that wear whiskers and chew tobacco. It proposes to apply the recall to them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

The country feels better now that an- other Lorimer investigation has ,been begun.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Postmaster General Hitchcock proposes tc, cut the railroad pay for carrying the mails to the extent of s90OO,oo0 a year. This will be cutting some.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Dollar diplomacy will have it's hands full to save all those concessions that Diaz made in Mexico.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Chicago has decided that the roller of an insanitary past are dismissed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

The governments issue of per cent times. Money is plentiful this year.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Perhaps MT. and Mrs Taft got more felicitations this week than did King George and his spouse
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

King George knows that coronations come but once in a lifetime and he ex- erted himself to make yesterdays event memorable.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

practical farmers and business men ex-
 anime this field as 1t is conducted for the good of the general public. The out look from this field Is that the com- pany should make one of the best yields in the state of Alabama. I have been informed that the farm has attracted considerable attention from the agrieul- tural department at Washington. It has frequently sent official representatives down to seeet."
 MT. Plunkef has just returned from visit to his field agents in western Ala bama and eastern Mississippi, and in making an investigation of the reported appearance of the boil weevil he was glad to say that all of the insects he dis covered in the cotton belt have proven to be the pea-pod and cock-burr weevil, While these are the only insects he found in his investigation, he does not hesitate to say that there is the genuine boil wee vii in both Mississippi and Alabama, but so fa..- these pests have failed to be de- teeted by the field agents and others who are keeping a sharp lookout for them
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Diaz built on graft and concessions, and they proved untrustworthy
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Apostle Smith Is perhaps hindered in his Washington visit by the desire of hls five wives to go along.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
NO LONGER STARRING.

NU LONGER STARRING. "Of course you are a firm believer in tho innate goodness of human nature?" "Oh. yes. still. if rain had spoiled the Queen Alexandra would have shed tears of vexation."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

There Is a silver lining to the presiden- tial cloud at any rate.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
TRAGIC.

But didn't have no money to buy wig" walled an Atlanta girl, who had tried to commit suicide because her hair was so thin, so thin. She didn't even have enough hair to wrap around a rat" We can only say. Poor girlr' Her gram mar and her coiffure are both on the blink. PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

John ". Gates will not spend a week. end at Skibo this summer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

A coronation brings to city more dol lars than an old-age pension.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
THE CLASS IN HI1MoR

You ought to be glad he isn't playing the ponies.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
THE INyINCIBLE FOE

From the Haverhill Gazette.
 The word obsolete" puts battle ship on the junk pile quicker than hard fought battle.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

We are knee deep in June and the crops are growing to beat the band.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
KEPT COUNT.

'Mr. Busters address was a labored ef- fort"
 q agree with you. He mopped his brow 4S times"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

George got hair cut yesterday morn- Ing and put on his summer crown.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

John W. Gates simply replied, Andy Is getting old," and that settled it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

So far as is known Queen Mary got her crown on straight yesterday.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Proctor Knott is dead but Duluth goes right on hopefully.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
SPEEDY.

The flight of time
 There's just no stopping; We'll soon begin
 Our Christmas shopping.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
POOR LITTLE SAM.

He didn't know what trouble was,
 Did little Sam Legree, Until he escaped from nurse one day And trihed with bee.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
VENGEANCE.

INNELA1NOEs Lives there the man with soul so dead Who never to himself has said," When some chauffeur his anger fires, '1'd like to shoot holes in his tires" HAS ANYBODY SEEN CASTRO?
 One thing we'd like
 To know,
 Is where Is c.
 Castro?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
The Coronation Crowd

While London is crowded with visi- tors. there seems to be, according to press dispatches, fewer Americans in evidence than had been expected" said a man who has been keeping up with cable news.
 "A month or more ago the New York papers had a good deal to say about the exorbitant charges of the London hotels. Those reports probably kept some persons from going to London, but the majority of those who had made up their minds to take in the coronation went, no doubt, regardless of what It might cost for bed and board. Many of the big hotels, how ever have not been filled up this week, and the proprietors have blamed Amer ican newspaper correspondents corre- spondent of the New York Sun in spe- cial dated several days back said:
 While lunching today at popular res- taurant in the Haymarket the writer was told by the proprietor that trade this sea- son had not by any means approached that of last year, even though the death of King Edward had hurt the London season so tremendously. Managers of hotels will tell you they have just griev- ance against the American correspond ents for sending over stories about high prices obtaining, but if you investigate you are apt to conclude that nothing of evaggeration has been sent over The fact is that now anybody who knows how to go about it can get accommodations at figures away off those that have been quoted for weeks
 "On the occasion of extraordinary crowds hotels in all cities are justified in putting up prices, but 1t is a mistake to make gouge prices or prices that are prohibitive."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
AN IDYL OF SIMMER.

AN lD1L OF SUMMER. Tis June! The skies are blue above No cloud upon that splendor deep: Sweet sounds proceed from every grove, Where feathered throngs their revels keep!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
A TRuE FAN.

A TRUE FAN.
 'T have a little scheme by which you can pick up s4O00 or s50Oo in half an hour" Sorry I can't listen to you, old man. If I don't catch the next car to the ball park I'll miss the first inning"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

The fisherman with happy heart
 Doth wend his way, on pleasure bent; Afar from strife and crowded mart,
 He threads the Valley of Content.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
scRuR WOMAN AN WALDORF

Harvard wants nolseless baseball, but no one else does.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
NOT A NOVELIST

NOT A NOVELIST. Where are you from?" Indiana" "Ever-?" No; I've never written one."
 KEEP GOING. Your burdens bear
 With cheery vim; And, dark or fair,
 Stay in the swim!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
BARELY POSSIBLE.

BARELY POSSIBLE. "Pa where is Slumberland?" q don't know for certain, son, but 1t may be in Nodaway county, Missouri"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23

Thrice is he armed that hath his quar- EeI just. - King Henry VI.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-06-23
TAFT WILL BE RENOMINATED

this case it will count for the Presidents renomination.
 There is no practical probability that the republican insurgents will bolt the national convention and name a separate ticket. When the National Progressive league was launched 1t created consider able talk of a bolt, but the progressive leaders at once disclaimd that idea. They will make their fight against Taft in the convention, and accept their defeat with as much show of grace as possible. Then they will go home and devote their time and energy to electing progressives in their state and local contests. Thus they will retain the party regularity for which they have contended always, while at the same time doing nothing to aid MT. Taft.
 Their work, in fact, will be more like ly to hurt than to help him. but 1t will be ostensibly work for the party; and so, if the day they long for ever comes, when the old guard completely loses control of the party, the progressives will be in posi- ton to take 1t Up without the stigma of having been bolters."
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1911-12-06

Wilmington, Del, Dec. s.
another multi-millionaire mar
riage has resulted in double di-
,,yorce suit. The two cases will go
on trial here Jan. 2.
John Bancroft II; only son of a
millionaire textile manufacturer
of Wilmington, eloped with
Madeline Du Pont, daughter of
the millionaire vice president of
the Du Pont Powder Co., in 1907.
After the birth Of the second,
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1911-12-06

Ball; What is silence?
Ball: The college yell of the
school of experience -Harper's
Bazaar.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1911-12-06

baby, Bancroft sued for divorce
charging that Max Reibler of
Munich was the father of the
child. Mrs. Bancroft responded
with a counter suit, also charging
infdelity.,
The Sentinel=record., 1911-08-29
Clark Will Reply.

Quincy, Ill. Aug. 2S.-Champ Clark. speaker of the house of rep .resentatives who spent the day ana night here. did not learn of President .Taft's keynote speech, delivered at Hamilton, Mass, Saturday. until laTe today and immediately said he would reply to it.
 President Taft will henr rom me, for am going after him with ham mer and tongs," said Clark.
 "The insurgents can take care of themselves. but will reply for the democrats"
 Mir. Clark will also review the history of the tariff legislation in the recent congress and says he will show that more time was spent on the un- derwood bill than on the Payne-Al' drich Smoot bill. sar. Clarke con siders President Taft was unfair and did not state facts in his Hamilton address.
The Sentinel=record., 1911-08-29
HAS !. ITS TROUBLES
UPTON SINCLAIR AND WIFE IN EVERY DAY DIVORCE
 COURT.
FLR R M
Wife Says Monagamlst ought to Have Some Time to Devote to Wife and Human
 Relations. /

New York, Aug. 2s. .-.The martial difficulties of Upton Sinclair the Utopian colonist and social author and Meta Fuller Sinclair. who have been married eleven years, reacheh a ell max today when the author brought suit for absolute divorce, naming liar ry Kemp. the poet, as correspondent. While the papers wehe being pre-. pared by MT. Snclair's attorney Tor service upon the wife today, she ana her husband and the correspondent poet sat in the assembly room of large Broadway hotel and quietly dis Icussed with reporters the problem or martial relations and Utopia in gen eral.
 The author and his wife frequently addressed each other in endearing terms, and In a most matter of fact way Mr. Sinclair told his wife that his attorney would call later in the day. as he did. with the formal pa pers.
 Mrs. Sinclair was asked if she would fight the diyorce proceedings. | "No," she said, 'I have not yet con- suited lawyer. but my present ln- tention is not 10 defend the suit" When informed of the statutory grounds which the New York law pro- vides for the granting of divorce she said:
 Ut doesn't seem to me that di- vorce should be disgrace. even di- vorce obtained upon such grounds as you say must be shown in this state. II believe that an individual is 1usti. fled in pursuing nIs Or her ideal.
 q have the misfortune, she said, to have very conservative hus- band. He is conservative by instinct land nature and radical merely by lchoicel.
 "A monogamist ought to be able to act the part of a husband, in other words, he ought to have some time to devote to his wife. He should not be so absorbed in his work that the true proportions of human relation ship fade into insignificance beside his work"
 Mrs. Sinclair said she expected to go away for rest and admitted that Mrs. Kemp would not accompany Iher.
 She said. however, that both or them might later go on the stage. Mir. Sinclair said ae was going to his home in Arden, Del.
The Sentinel=record., 1911-08-29
MEXICAN MISSING.

New York, Aug 2S.--Ceiso s. Cor tes, Mexican of prominent family, who was in Washington several months ago and who previously was known to have been in Baltimore, has not been heard of for more than three months and fears of his death are entertained by relatives in Mexi- co. The Mexican embassy is conduct ing search for him. Cortez is de scrIbed as S5 year, 5 feet ' inches in height. 135 pounds. swarthy complex ion and wearing a mustache.
The Sentinel=record., 1911-08-29
Havoc of Freak Storm.

Charleston, s. G., Aug. S.-As the result of the freak storm which struck this city, and Savannah last night and which reached hurricane proportions early today, Charleston has been practically isolated from the world for "A hours. Several persons are reported to have been killed and property losses, is estimated, will reach approximately $1,000000. Alonzo Coburn, an engineer on the Charleston division of the southern Railway was instantly killed while sitting in the yard-masteIis office when flying timDers crashed through the window and broke his neck.
 4 Mir. Smith of Columbia and Mo torman Cutter of the local street rail- way system were killed and l.. u. lKllntworthy of St. Stephens and E. H. Hill were seriously nurt when a trestlel adjoining the Mount rieasant ferry collapsed. Two unknown women were also drowned when their home was flooded before they could escape. Several negroes also are reported to be among the storm victims.
 The storm may be said to have reached gale proportions about 100 o'clock yesterday afternoon. At noon the barometer registered 79.75 after having. steadily fallen all day. me wind velocity increased from 4S miles an hour at 1920 D. m., al which time lhe wind gauge was put out of adjust ment. Later the wind veefed from the northeast and east to the south east.
 At noon today, the barometer stood at 29. 79. the wind was only brisk and the sun was trying to shine. The rain lfaIl was morel than two inches. The distui bance was reported to be west Eos Charleston and working away, ana Forecaster Cole said there Is no fur liner need for fear. The tide was something over feet during the storm three short of eae record of I1oea. Great damage vas done Dy