davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1911-12-01
UOW's THIS.

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for
any case Of Csiarrh that cannot be cured
by Halls Csisrrh Cure.
p. J. CHENEY 4 CO., Toledo; o.
We. the undersigned. have known r. J..
Cheney for the last IS years, sad believe him
perfectly honorable in all business transse.
lions and financially able TO carry out any
Obligation. made BY his firm.
wAJDING. KINNAN 4 MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists. Toledo, o.
Halls Catarrh Cure 10 taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces Of the system. Testimonials sent
free. Price rs cents per bottle. Sold BY ell
Druggists
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1911-12-01
browning Goes to San Anton,o. !.

SAN FRANCISCO, Nov. 3o.-Frank
Browning, for three seasons on the
San Francisco pitching staff. was
traded today TO San Antonio for pitch
er Toner. Browning came to the
coast league from Texas
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1911-12-01

PHILADELPHIA, Nov. 30.-Penn-
sylvania as usual won the Thanksgiv-
ing football game from Cornell this
afternoon, the score being 81 to 0.
The two teams have met today for the
last 20 years and Pennsylvania has
won seventeen times. Last year Cor
nell won from the red and blue, and
five years earlier the teams played a
tie game. About $4,000 persons saw
todays contest.
At the end of the first period It
looked like close game. Pennsylva-
vania scored within three minutes of
play and Cornell, before the period
was over, evened up the score. The
Itacha team then took a brace and
played good football, but the Pennsyl-
vanians showed better staying quail
tiles and generalship taking the lead
increasing it in the last quarter.
Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1911-12-01
SOONERSCHANPS::
Texas Defeated
SCORE OF q TO 3 SENDS OKLA
HOMA HOME WITHOUT SIN
GLE DEFEAT THIS YEAR.
score IN Second QUARTER
Pennsylvania Wins Over Cornell ~
10 0--Carlisle Bests Brown by
~ 10 Score.

AUSTIN. Tex. Nov. SO.-Olla.
homa securely established the claim
TO champions OF the southwest by de-
feating Texas on Clark field today
by the score Of to 3. The sooners
came here with a clean record, not
having been defeated this year, and
also proclalming themselves cham
pons Of the Missouri Valley confer
once. Texas scored I'm the first three
minutes Of play on kick from
placement but thereafter never came
within striking distance of their op-
ponents goal. Oklahoma scored In
the second quarter and held Texas
safe through the remainder of the
contest, they playing principally on
the defensive.
The Sooners clearly outpayed
Texas and several times rushed the
ball nearly the entire length Of the
field. Texas never seemed to be at
herself after scoring a kick from
placement. They rallied TO some eX-
tent in the first part of the fourth
period, but soon took another slump.
The Sooners hit the line ,clrcled
the ends and continually broke up
Texas defense all through the game
Texas appeared helpless before the
onslaughter and II seemed that Cap
shaw and Courtwrght could advance
the ball at viii, both being the prin-
cipal ground gamers for their team
mates
Both had fast hackfields ana
showed up brilliantly in their work
The Sooners bacBfIelds played the
whole game for the Sooners.
kirkpatrick for Texas did not play
his usual game.
The line up:
Oklahoma-ClarN. right end; Holt,
right tackle Moss, right guard;
Spear, center; Meecham, left guard;
Nalrn, left tackle; Rogers, left end;
Armsbruster, quarter; Courtwrght.
left half; Reeds, fun back; Capshaw,
(captain), right half.
TeXas-Woodshull, right end r.
Harold. right tackle; Jordan, right
guard; Bland, center; Murray or
Berge, left guard; Ransdel, (cap-
tain), left tackle; Perry, left end;
Kirkpatrick, quarter; Pett, left half;
Nihlo or Downs, full back; James
right half.
Officials-Horse. Sewanee, referee.
Rehauf Notre Dame. umpire.
House, Missouri field judge.
Matthews, Notre Dame, head lines
man.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
SHOES FOLLOW sT0RK.

Worn by ESQ Babies, They Are Now
Sent to kentucky Family.
Following the stork for more than
10000 miles, a pair Of baby shoes, made
Of calfskin in 1883, arrived in Lexine-
ton, Ky, from Missouri. They were
consigned to Colonel O. 3. Merrill, a
Confederate veteran.
In the same mail arrived a letter
from the Merrill family in Missouri.
The missive stated that the shoes had
been worn by more than $50 infants
In all parts Of the United States. and
~ Colonel Merrill is the head of a
large family It was the desire of the
sender that the purpose Of the shoes
b continued until the Merrill family
becomes extinct or until the shoes are
worn out.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
Regards to the Cults.

Regards to the Cults.
oh. what our the faddists feed us
AS long the road they lead US.
Giving soft and simple lessons
AS they reach out for our purse.
Giving us the razzle dazzle
On old kinks worked to a fragile.
But we do not know the difference,
Being hypnotiZed or worse.
Fee. fe, foe or some such lingo;
Say it twenty times. and. bingo,
We at once are levated
To a higher, smoother plane,
With the stars above we frolic,
And. although we catch the collie,
Still we do not know we have it.
For there's no such thing as pain.
In this sea of CUFF and pifle,
II we do not make the rifle,
There is something in our nature
That is sadly out of tune.
If we keep on making faces
At the designated places,
Though our case is worse than hopeless
We will get there pretty soon.
Sizing up the situation,
With his brain on a vacation,
We are told by the professor,
If we falter not nor fear,
We will reach the higher landing,
Where the soulful one are standing.
And in twenty dollar lessons
He will make his meaning clear.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
PROMOTER FAILS.
LandIady Demands SAG, and He
Tries to Raise It.
THINKS o N CALLER DEAF.

Tries 10 Get Her to Invest In Stock OF
Concern That 10 Manufacturing New
Eardruna, but Learns That He Has
Made q Mistake In HE Estimate.
BY N. QUAD.
copyright. 1911. by Associated Literary
"HERD It was on his desk be-
fore him. the sum Of II cents,
and that morning, Just a. he
was leaving for his Office, his
landlady had called him into the par
lor to say:
major Crofoot, you know the rules
OF the house."
II do. my DEAR" he had sweetly re-
Piled
BILLS must be settled at the end of
the week"
'"They must"
"But you have not settled for five
weeks now. Knowing you to be an
absentminded man, l have let your &C.
count run, but I car do so no longer.
"Of course you can't-of course not.
Dear me, but how the weeks fly! Five
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
A Sure Sian.

That levity Is a subject that is some
times worth while avoiding has been
learned to the sorrow Of a would be
undertaken.
At a recent examination Of the state
undertaking board among the ques-
tons asked Of the many applicants
was the following one:
what do you consider as an infal.
nRls sign Of deathT
"Crape on the door," answered one.
Chicago Journal.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

make money, and you are going to
make it. At least half my clients be-
long to your sex. and you need offer no
excuse. Let me give you q bit of his
tory to preface the offer I am going
to make you. AS a boy l stood close
to a cannon one Fourth of July when
it was discharged. The report deaf
ened me-. For thirty years l never
heard a clap Of thunder. You a hear
me, can your
"Oh, yes"
"Wagons ran over me, street cars
bumped into me and policemen club
bed me. First and last l had some
forty doctors, but not n of them held
out the slightest hope. They said l
would never hear the crack O. DOOM"
"You poor fellow!" murmured the
old lady.
Hearing Better Than Ever.
1T was only six months ago, after
experimenting for over twenty-five
years, that I brought out the Great
American Artificial Eardrum. 1t not
only takes the place of the natural
drum. but is an Improvement on 1t.
It is easily inserted. It cannot be de-
tected. 1t lasts a lifetime. You
wouldn't know that I was wearing
artificial eardrums. would your
"No."
"Mrs. Stebbins. before your hearing
became impaired could you hear a fly
walk?"
mercy, no! No one can do that"
But you are mistaken. There is a
fly on the wall. His footsteps are per-
fectly audible to me. l a even hear
q flea walk. l can leaf a human whis-
per across the street. l can hear a
horse cough a mile away. Two little
artificial eardrums, costing a dollar
each, do the trick"
You don't say!'
But l do. my dear woman. l have
only just organized the Great Ameri-
can Artificial Eardrum company, and
yet orders are pouring in at the rate
Of $1,000 a day. In a month from this
the orders will be five times as great.
Seventy-fve cents clear profit on ev-
cry pair of drums. The king Of Eng
land has ordered ten pairs for his
household; the emperor Of Germany
the same; the emperor Of Russia dou-
BILE the number. President Taft is
now laying both his ears to the ground.
Actors who have eve heard applause
before are hearing it now. I sat in a
public park the other day and heard
a dandelion grow. What do you think
Of that?"
Really Wonderful Invention.
"Why, l think it is the most Won
derful thing I ever heard Of" replied
Mrs. Stebbins.
"Just so-just so. And think Of the
profit in it,! You invest $1,000 and you
draw out at least $500 a year. But
that's only Il tri1e. Suppose you take
the secretaryship at $1,000 a year sal
airy. After the first year we make it
$4,000. Gold mine! Why, Mrs. Steb-
bins
"Then you are not a corn doctor?"
Interrupted the woman as she looked
about the room.
Heavens. wOman!"
"That's who l was looking fora
corn doctor. I've had a pesky corn for
the last six months, and l want it cut
out. Why did you boiler all the time
you were talking?"
ITO make you hear"
"But I'm not deaf. If l ever get that
way III see about those drums. I've
got just a dollar and a half at home,
and I don't care to invest that. It's
nice that you can hear flies walking
about. Goodby!"
And at 6 o'clock that evening the
major was still sitting on a park
bench and trying to figure it out.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

i SAN IMAM INA ~ AAn
weeks gone! You don't say? Why, it
seems only yesterday that you took
me under the shelter Of your wing and
I had my first taste Of your delicious
apple pie"
my delicious apple pie is all right,
major, but l must have money to buy
1t with. Your room and board amount
to 50 per week. Five times nine are
forty-fve."
positively correct at the first guess.
What a landlady! What a noble wo-
man! What a head for figures! Forty.
five dollars"
And here is the bill, and I would
like the money"
bill, eh: Yes, it's the bill. To five
weeks board and room rent at 80 per
-$45. My dear, dear lady, J. p. Nor
gan couldn't have done better himself.
At what college were you educated"
1--WE won't mind the college, major.
The money. you know"
Wanted Real Money.
"The money? Certainly, my dear.
and l wish you had spoken before.
That's just like me to forget all about
It and think I was at home. After this
jog me up at the end Of the week.
Why, I might have gone of In your
debt"
II was watching to see that you
didn't! was the reply.
"Um! I'm! My check book is at the
Office. Forty-fve dollars? Let me make
a memorandum of that and bring up
the check this evening"
mo checks, major. I want the cash"
"Of course-of course. Well, 1 shall
bring up the cash. No trouble at all.
l had much rather pay in cash.
Thanks, my dear. Look for me and
the cash at 6 this evening, and let us
have another Of your delicious apple
pies in honor Of the OCCASION"
Seventeen cents on the desk before
him and a board bill Of $45 to pay at 6
O'clock. Major Crofoot lost heart for
a moment. He never could get his
trunk out without paying that bill.
His dear landlady would insist on the
cash instead of soft soap.
A knock at the door.
"Come in"
An old lady. entered-old, but still
sprightly. She vas well dressed. She
had a keen look. She looked like an
old lady with greenbacks in a stocking
at home.
"Good morning." she saluted in q
loud voice.
The major caught on at once. She
was deaf.
II was looking for''-
'This is the right place." finished the
major as he advanced and handed hel
a chair. Your name has skipped me
for the lnoment."
How to Make Money.
"Ah, yes, Stebbins. Excuse me, Mrs
Stebbins. A friend Of yours was here
yesterday and said I might expect a
call from you. I was looking for you
every moment"
"Why-why, that's strange" she re.
piled.
ut isn't strange, my dear woman,
that people want to make money. Nc
matter how much we have. we still
want more. I am here to make money,
and l do make 1t. You have called to
zee II have any scheme on hand
whereby you can make a hundred pei
cent on your savings instead Of Ave.
@'Why, l came here toto
s;Just so-just 90. You came here to
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
A BOOMERANG.

$50 Miss Gummage got no damages
in her breach of promise suit?"
mo. Her lawyer proved the man to
be such a low down, contemplate
specimen of humanity that the jury
decided he hadn't any value and con-
graduated her on losing him."-Balti-
more American.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

This bank eolicits accQunts, and
Offers TO depositors absolute security,
prompt and careful attention, and the
most liberal treatment consistent with
safe and profitable banking. Buys
and sells foreign exchange, drawing
direct on all principal American and
European cities, and issues It's own
Letters of Credit.
Interest paid on time deposits. The
highest cash price paid for approved
state, county, city and school bonds
and warrants.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

Had the Practice.
"S1deslab is a great pitcher"
HE has a wonderful delivery"
His early training was responsible
for that"
"What kind Of training?"
HE was delivery boy for years in a
grocery store"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
Always That Danger,

"Ah, proud beauty" exclaimed little
Snifkins, you spurn my love now,
but, let me tell you, I will not always
be a clerk. r.
'"That's So" interrupted the heart
less girl. "You may lose your job
Catholic Standard and Times.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
Il Always Accepts.
It Is noticed that the man who
invites trouble hardly ever
receives a note Of regrets
Denver Republican.

Nasty.
Mr.. Crimsonbeak-Here's an item
which says the swan outlives any
other bird. in extreme cases reaching
800 years.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-And remember,
John, the swans live on water.-Mod.
ern Society.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

oS VSSS
every day"
"You ought to
try a bottle of
that medicine
that cured Uncle
Hank. They say
It Is fine stuff"
III o W m u c b
does 1t cost 2"
"A dollar a bot
tle."
"No, I amt good
for much of any
thing any more
n o h o W, and l
don't see how l
could earn a dol
lar easier than TO
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
Will W. NavAr Catch On7

viii W. Never Catch Ont
Our slowness to learn-is 1t not indefensi-
BILE?
It might be put stronger and called repre-
hensible.
Though all cosmic laws we proclaim az
tmmutable,
We hesitate not to admit they're inscruta-
bic.
-Chicago Tribune.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
keenino Him Fooled.

Keeping Him Fooled.
"He doesn't like his wife's cooking
"But l thought she was a good COOK
"Sh-sh-sh!'
"What?"
"He doesn't know it and cheerfully
pays the price Of a first class cook
and his wife doesn't have to do q
thing"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

1VERSIDE CAMP l0593, Modern Woodmen
Thursday of each month at Odd Fellows hall at
y O'Clock. Visiting neighcors cordially invited.
j. c. MYERS, V. G.
JAMES A. PATTERSON, Clerk.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

People talk a lot more about bad
habits than they do about good habits
and the latter are much more to be
commended.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

The girl who puts on airs always
feels bad when she has to take then
off.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

Couldn't Hit Anything.
"Where is Bill going with the gun?"
"Out hunting"
1T is against the law to kill game
this time of the year."
"That won't make any difference
with him."
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
A Hero.

A Hero.
"How Is your rheumatism, par
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

Maybe we are the product of u en-.
Vironment. but if so most Of us could
wish that our environ Aent would
chase itself.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
HumOr and
Philosophy
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
BY DUNCAN ~. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS.
IF a man could draw dividends on his
nerve some Of our friends would be
on Easy street.
Men are stupid. but their wives are
always busy actively engaged in con-
cealing the fact.
Being charitable is q thankless task.
but think how superior it makes you
feel.
Ever notice how any old thing drives
some men to drink?
One Of the charming things about a
woman is that she doesn't have to
have a reason.
A man doesn't have to be either
sporty or a musician in order to play
the devil.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
Wary.

Wary.
They led him to an aeroplane.
It didn't make q hit.
They wanted him to go aloft.
He wouldn't fall for 1t.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
Waane Posted.

"Have you seen Thackeray's
moirs9"
"No. Where are they located"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

HE is behind in his rent the third
quarter"
swell, what are you kicking about?
That only makes rs cents"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23
Explained.

explained.
"Why are people such fools"
Natural process of evolution"
II don't see where that comes in"
"They have to be suited to their en-
vironment, you know"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1911-08-23

Lets Him Out.
II never handle a dishonest dollar"
"But how do you know one when
you e it."
II don't see 1t. l pay all bills by
check"
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1911-02-04
METHODIST CHURCHES UNITE
"SOuth' and "NOrih" Are Willing to Shake
Hands and Declare Past Differences
Forgotten.

After a separation of sixty-five
years the Methodist Episcopal
churches, North and South, have
about agreed to unite and be one
great church and brotherhood.
The Methodist Protestant church
is also ready and willing to go
into the union. These churches
have disagreed over matters over
which there is said to be now no
further room for quarrel and di-
vision, and it would be a shame
if they cannot concede one to the
other sufficiently TO get together
in true christian amity.
On January %, the sub-com-
mittees which met at CINCINNATI
formulated a plan for the unifica-
ton. Owing to the fact that the
action of the subcommittee
have yet to be approved by the
committees of the whole for the
three branches of Methodism,
the text of the agreement and
plan has not been made public.
The agreement of the sub-cOEn-
is however, regarded as
most significant in Eght of the
general desire for unity
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1911-02-04
A Story of Justice White

Youths Companion: Some forty
years ago a Louisiana farmer
died, leaving his son an estate
upon which there was a mortgage
of forty thousand dollars. There
was a flaw in the mortgage by
which the son, then a young man
just out of his teens, could avoid
payingit, but he sturdily refused
to take advantageo of such a techni-
#cality, and for years labored on,
not discouraged by successive bad
crops, until he had paid the last
dollar of the debt, and saved the
estate. Last month that young
man became Chief Justice of the
United States Supreme Court.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1911-02-04
HOT CAMPAIGN IN The
METROPOLIS OF The
WEST.
Four Candidates for Mayor of
Eunice and Two for Marshal
Election February 18th.

Eunice people are forgetting
all about the low price of rice
and the BON weeviI and the fact
that Vile Platte is the parish
seat of Evangeline.
1t has a municipal campaignon
hand, about which the Eunice
Gall says: Never in the his
tory of Eunice has there been so
much interest in a town cleo
tion." It, may be, though, that
it is because Editor Joe Gil, Of
the Gall, is a candidate for Mayor
that he thinks things are so fear
full warm.
There are four candidates for
Mayor so far: Robert Lafeur.
the present Incumbent Stanislus
Wyble, W. A. Reed and Jos. A.
Gil.
The candidates for Marshal
are Henry Landry and Josh
Reed.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1911-02-04
THE LATEST SKIRT.

AT present it is the skirt upon
which all eyes are centered. The
hobble skirt now belongs, of
course, to the long, long ago.
Is it's successor, the very scant,
very plain, very straight skirt,
going to soon follow in it's foot
steps? That is the big vital
question Of the moment. One
thing at least is apparent. Skirts
are losing their plainness. They
are growing a bit wider, too, but
as to their neutrality-suspicious.
ness, that still prevails.
One of Drecoll's latest tailored
suits points plainly to the fact
that skirts are changing. The
costume is of cheviot and the
skirt made, even though it is a
tailored skirt with a band-trim-
med tunic. The underskirt is
gored, while the scant circular
tunic is trimmed with a band of
self-fabric.
The coat, which is a box
model, closes rather high at the
neck, which is a decidedly new
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1911-02-04
SMOKING Poll.
TICALLY in TOWN
OF WASHINGTON
Election for Municipal Officers
to Be Held on February 18th
Many Candidates.

Things are entertaingly warm
politically in Washington" re-
marked a Washingtonian while
in Opelousas Tuesday. There
are candidates galore, and there
is intense interest being taken in
the election. Of course there is
no acrimony-just a hard-fought
friendly battle, that's ALL"
The candidates for the various
offices are:
For Mayor Gilbert Baillio,
Oscar Melancon.
For Marshal-Anthony Wink
Ter, Frank Zernott.
For Aldermen. T. Boudreau,
James ]. Carriere, Frank B.
G. A. Filter, F. P. Mar
tin, A. ]. Muller, Thomas Nc
L. A. W. Quirk, John
Voltz.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1911-02-04

peanuts alone, ever the sum Of
one hundred and ten thousand
dollars.
Natchitoches Enterprise: Twen-
ty-seven hundred acres of the
richest sugar land in the South
a deal involving $191, 500, were
sold to northern farmers last
week who will come to Louisiana
and settle On the small farms
into which these acres will be
cut up. These farmers are en-
thusiastic over the prospects for
development presented by the
lands which they say is the most
fertile and productive they could
even dream of and the possibility
OF producing three crops a year,
making farming in Louisiana a
year round business has not only
delighted them but they are sure
will attract other northern farm
ers who are more than anxious
to come South.
st. Francisville True-Demo-
crat: The lawyers and court
house officials of Point Coupee
must have been having an easy
time with regard to legal adver-
Using. This is inferred from a
notice by the editor in last weeks
Banner, notifying these persons
that in future he will not make
advertisements out of memoran-
da as in the past, but complete
copy must be sent in.
Well, this is the limit. We had
imagined that our patience was
taxed in full with some of the
copy that is sent in, but we have
never been called upon to com
pose legal ads. Those sent in
are complete to the very last
comma. But then Point Coupee
may not have such officials as
ours.