davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13
when From a Quiet Hour With Thee /"

When from quiet hour with thee
! enter life's great marketways
Where surge the ceaseless tides OF mon
Forever through the DAYS.
! often wonder at the peace
! find within my heart
While around Is DIN and stir
In which ] must bear part:
But never far my thought need seek
The love thou gavest me
Lays on each hour Of strife and foil
A benedicite.
Magazine.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13
The Wise Tailor

fTUHl HaFpers WecN-y.
But look here, Snip" saI4 slow
you haven't put any pockets IN Il,
trousers. What's the matter v
your"
Why. Mr.. Slowpay," replied the n
of clothes, Il was going to 81, resi-
In case you ever had anyykl.. to
into them you send it on to us 10 k
for you"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13
A Great Romancer.

From Harper's Weekly.
What is Dobbleighs general rcpI
ton for veracity, Bildad?" asker Iii
enlooper.
Wen, its this way" said Bidai
Dobbiieigh could write the way he ta
ned have Sir Walter Scott and Al
ander Dumas dashed to the mast"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13
With Emphasis.
From Harper's Bazaar.

From ffHTpcT 8 FdZaT.
Mistress chastity sticking finger in
60 either ear)-Kittie. for Heavens
sake! what does that frightful noise
AMI profanity in the kitchen mean?
Kittie-Oh that's Eothin ,.ma'am! It's
on'y cook rejectin' PROPOSE av marrij
from the ashman.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13
Adam Was Crouch.

ire Serpent - What's Adam SO
eropchy about todsyP
TIE Ape-oh, he says that the ar
rivil Of woman means that all his
plans for universal peace have been
9a01Sea In the head for good Puck
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13
Exactly.

Noting that another piece of valu.
able china had been broken, Senator
Alien asked his housekeeper how the
bTeakage occurred, and she hastily re-
pied:
1T fell down and just broke Itself"
Merely an automatic brake" quiet
ly commented the senator.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13
THE CORONATION BAG

The coronation bag, which is the lat
est, is fiat shield shaped bag OF blue
or royal purple, trimmed with gold
braid and swung from the shoulder
By gold cord. 1t is Of the enyelope
variety with flap which buttons down
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13

Frc,n the Chicago Record Herald
II notice that your Ggrdea doesn't look
iery promising this ar"
mo. every time my husband got to
Hgging in 1t he found a lot OF worms.
nd they always reminded him OF his
SAiag tackle"
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13

Beauty is seldom completely salts
flying, The birds that sing are not the
ones that are good to eat.
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13

over $1,45o,0oO was deposited In
naval savings banks OF England durinS
The Bon Homme County independent. [volume] (Tabor, S.D.) 1904-1913, 1911-07-13

i A char
.can lift {
IA Welde
Last s
severe st
~ sick 4
Worse I'm
fcarcely
Enough l |
/ Il had
Rged, and |
Thought |
qeath, unit
ing to find
brought I'D
/ TO my
fith me, 4
Put distress
p once.
Pabby). gr
Proved In
fnd in a v
In
| Il liked 4
our month
llways felt
ng as if I
|uet.
Il had nd
lex stonac
nat l used
'od. l am
u my own
fe is worth
"Grape-Nu
} to my 1
e; and n |
riven on
Ven by Pd|
lch.
Read the |
ellville," in
Ever read
: appears !
Ter genuine,
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1911-10-20
The Daily American
The Twice-a-Week American
The Cheapest and Best Family News.
paper Published.
ONLY ONE DoLiAs.A YEAR
Six Months, so t..ts
ONLY oN


THE TWICE A-WEEK AMI RICA>
is pubiS'p q Ia i've ls>ncs, Tu day and
FRIDAY mornings with The ew, Of the
week in con pact shape e also cen.
tain interesting special correspondence
entertaining romances, good poetry,
local matter II general interest aud
fresh miscellany suitable for the home
circle. A carefully edited Agricultural
Department and full and reliable
Financial and Market Reports are
special failures.
See clubbing arrangements in other
parts OF paper
Entered at the Postofiice at Baltimore,
Nd, as second-class matter, April IS,
1904.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1911-10-20
The Baltimore Star
The Leading Evening Paper Of the
South.

The Baltimore Star established August
II, 1905, by the publisher Of The Balti-
more American, has wcI its plaza as the
representative evening paper Of the
South. 1t gives more news and more
reading matter than any other afternoon
paper ia Maryland 1t is especially rich
in apartments financial, sporting,
sccety, children, women, and to these
departments the best writers Of merica
are regular antrlbutors. The Star is
the great home paper. with something
for every member of the fami y. 1t is a
cheerful newspaper, with plenty of en-
tertaiument. Those who try it keep on
taking it.
The Star is deliberately Illustrated. 1t
has tie first photographs OF important
events. It's portraits of leading men aud
women are unequaled.
The Star has two great news services,
with wires direct to its offices from all
parts Of the world. The Star ras wire
less equipment 1t uses tv.ry modern
invention and the best enterprise to get
all the news
The Star is different from other South
ern Papers. 1t has quality Of its own.
ONE CENT A cory. tine month,
25 cents three months, Is cents; one
year, 50.
FELIX AGNUS, Manager It'd Publisher
c. c. FULTON 8 CO..
Amerscan Building, Baltimore, nd.
IO-I4 I'D.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

for the young bucks to get them a
deck of the "old reliable and go on
to the limit, perhaps winding up with
a hemp neck-tie or a zebra suit.
When it comes to playing cards, l
don't know seven up from thirteen
down in the cellar, and il a man
should offer to learn me I'd knock
him down and stomp him.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01
Let Us Talk 1t
Over

Well, dear sinner friends, this is
The Fool-Killer.
How does it set on your stomach?
If you like it, you can get more at
headquarters.
The Fool-Killer is not even a forty
'leventh cousin to any other paper on
earth.
It stands in a class by itself, and
it's field is as broad as the English
language.
This paper al no bell, muzzle,
collar o halter.
You can put that down to start with.
I am the fellow who works at the
pump-handle on this pungent period
ical of thrilling thought. I print only
what I write; l write only what I
think; and I think what I doggon
please.
I own this entire establishment,
and Rockefeller isn't rich enough to
buy one share of it.
OOO0 NAot SILL CASO
Well, bless your soul, I am a great
deal richer than old John.
I lev travelled any to speak of,
but 1 have read a great deal, and have
thunk some.
/ have also writ a few books which
I know are great, because they don't
sell worth a cent.
Great books never do.
And then I started The Fool-Killer
just to quiet my nerves and keep the
old press from getting rusty.
From the seclusion of these wooded
hills there will go forth each month
a bundle of literary dynamite thai
will shake the rotten foundations >ot
society and cause the Church Of Nam.
mon to at least turn over in it's sleep
The Fool-Killer will be a monthly
mustard-plaster for the blood-boils o
Society, Church and State.
It will be sailed with wit, peppere,
with humor and seasoned with sar
casm.
Every line will cut like a whip, an,
every word will raise a blister.
II you are a fool you had better no
subscribe for The Fool-Killer.
you are wise you will. And SO tina
settles it.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

If all that Sweet William Lorimer
said in his own defense was true,
there amt no dickens if he oughtn't
to have been a preacher.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

What has become of the Republic
can papers that used to refer to Gro
yer Cleveland as "Old Fatty?. Now
that they've got an "Old Fatty" of
their W it amt so funny.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

Every town has a few men who
take pleasure in running after other
men's-hats when they blow off.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

Senator Buffalo Bill! I hate like
the mischief to see Bill falling into
such bad habits in his old age.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

For every man who gets without
earning, some other man has got to
earn without getting. You can't rub
that out.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01
. SERMON ON CARD PLAYING.

huntin,. Well, you'll see. During my
thirty years of knocking about here
in this old sinful world have been
an unwilling eyewitness to a good
many kinds of club-footed cussed-
ness; but my peppers have never pen
etrated into the hiding place of a
useless and senseless and devil
business than this Internal
card-playing habit.
When I see a gang of bOOZy-breath-
ed bummers gathered around an old
dirty table or g~oods-box; when ! see
the cigar and cigarette smoke curling
above their heads like an old woman
burning a plant-bed, and strong e.
nough to stife a polecat, I a can always
guess what they are doing. They
have got a bunch of old greasy paste
boards that look like the4 had been
used for shipping-tags to send a
niger baby's laundry to hell and
back. It's a sight to see them double
up over those old nasty cards and
smoke and cuss and play. One Teller
grabs up the bunch and fips off little
punches to the other fellers. Then
they all pick up their lunches and
look at them and say Dam and
throw them down again. They keep
that up for hours and hours, and it
seems to be awful interesting. But
the only effect such. a performance
ever had on me was to fill me with an
~unspeakable disgust and a profound
pity for such a set of Internal fools.
I would hate to be that hard pushed
for enjoyment, and I would hate to
be SO low down that I could get en-
joyment out of that kind of a game.
I would rather be a hound pup and
spin around like a pair Of winding
blades trying to-catch my W tail. |
would rather stand out in the sun
shine all day and admire my shadow.
For real enjoyment I would rather
spend my time sticking my finger in a
tub of water and pulling it out and
looking for the hole. I would rather
do most any fool thing you could
mention than to be a poor, miserable,
low down, besotted, devil-possessed
and God-forsaken card player.
When a card player starts into the
business, he usually plays "just fol
fun''-although where the fun comes
in at is a nut that I can't crack. But
Of course the old devil has got some
kind of IN attraction hidden among
those old greasy cards, and when he
gets a fellow started to playing fol
fun" he soon has the poor fool grad.
uated into the betting and gambling
} class, where fortunes come and 81
with the flip of a card and where guns
and butcher-knives abound.
Old Satan is the champion car,
; player of the universe, and he Away,
: holds a full hand. He has introduce.
into society and the church a humble
of new and respectable" card games
They have high-sounding mt an.
look SO innocent that heightened SO
cfety just falls over itself to give then
a hearty welcome. The, new-fashione
"mammas" of good old Israel jus
can't manage to raise money for tn
heather any more without a car
party or a gambling game at tn
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

1t is better for a fellow to have n
sweetheart and get her than to have a
dozen or SO and not land any OF them.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

A western preacher pokes UP his
head and wants to know if a gentle
mar will tell a lie for a dime. I won
der if that's all he charges?
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

Helen Pink has succeeded Alice
Blue, but Hetty Green is still on the
job.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01
CONSISTENCY, THY NAME rs MUD.
Here is a world.
People in it.
Smart people.
Great armies.
Great navies.

Great navies.
Millions spent on these armies and
naYies every year, and their only OBJ
ject is to kill folks.
People say it's right and necessary
that folks should be killed that way.
Just a pleasant pastfme that the
nations have.
And the people like it.
Jolly good fun, they say.
So they prepare for the music.
It comes.
War-people mangled and slain.
That's what they wanted.
But when the machinery of war
gets to working right good, and every
body ought to be perfectly happy
what happens?
Why, bless our soul, they begin
to yell for the Florence Nightingales
and the Clara Bartons to come with
their soft hands and their ointments
and tie up 1.-THE wounded limbs and
battle the fevered brows.
Wanted the men killed.
Sent them to war for that purpose.
But when there was a good pros
pect of getting it done, wanted them
nursed back to life again.
So as to have them shot to death
some, more, and then nursed back to
life some more.
Using the poor fellows for footballs
and kicking them back INT forth be-
tween life and death.
IF it's a soldiers business to die,
why don't they let him do it?
And if they don't want him to die,
what do they send him to wal for?
The army officers and the hospital
nurses work directly against each
other-one trying to kill men and the
other trying to keep them alive. And
yet the same set of fools are behind
both enterprises and just working a.
gainst themselves as hard as they can.
I a admire the army hospital
nurse-the gentle hand that brings
relief and comfort to the wounded and
suffering.
But when it to admiring the
business and the men that make the
army hospitals necessary, my admir-
ing machine gets out of fix. My eye
sight isn't fine enough to see the con-
sistency or the business sense in run
ming two trades that offset or cancel
each other.
Yes, poor old Consistency, you have
done been counted out of the affairs
of this world. Your name is Mud.
GO
Roastology, boilo1ogy, stitchology,
darnology, pathology, and general
: domesticology, are some of the sci
ences that every girl ought to grad
uate in.
| A harem breeches woman met an
automobile in the road, and the poor
old machine jumped astraddle of a
barbed wire fence and spewed gaso-
r line and chain links for two hours.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

Half an inch, half an inch,
Half an inch onward,
Hampered by hobbleskirts,
Hoped the -Four Hundred"
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

A man can feel in his pocket n
time and bring out a little ball of fuzz.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

A hookworm passed my Office GO
ing north yesterday. It must be that
Spring has arriv.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

1t takes money to grease this ma
chine. Can't you grease it a little?
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

If the women had plenty of money
how well they could get along without
men!
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

If / were a woman, I don't believe
I ever saw a man that I'd marry.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

l recently saw a list of things that
people should not do. I do every one
of them.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

Every day thousands of people ex-
claim, II can't stand it," But they do.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

Music uplifts. me, but / drop back
again as soon as the music is over.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

EDITORIALS
'Maneuver" is the word.
-
Tom Watson thinks Booker was
drunk.
A woman is as old as she looks be-
fore breakfast.
Truth is mighty-that is, it's mighty.
doggon scarce these days.
Maybe Hitchcock had better put a.
tax on newspaper scareheads.
The more worthless a man is, the
more fish he can catch.
All nations go armed-but they
won't let their citizens do it.
Champ Clark is now Editor-in-C Chief
of the Congressional Record.
The new Democratic Congress is on
the fence, and the fence is afire.
Music uplifts. me, but / drop back
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01

A harem breeches woman met an
automobile in the road, and the poor
old machine jumped astraddle of a
barbed wire fence and spewed gaso-
line and chain links for two hours.
The fool-killer., 1911-04-01


Music uplifts. me, but / drop back
again as soon as the music is over.
~
Every day thousands of people ex-
claim, II can't stand it," But they do.
If ! were a woman, I don't believe
ever saw a man that I'd marry.
---
A man car feel in his pocket any
and bring out a little ball of fuzz.
--
1t takes money to grease this ma
chine. Can't you grease it a little?
II the women had plenty of d
how well they could get along without
men!
I recently saw a list of things that
people should not do. I do every one
of them.
A hookworm passed my office go
ing north yesterday. It must be that
Spring has arriv.
Helen Pink has succeeded Alice
Blue, but Hetty Green is still on the
job.
Every town has a few men who
take pleasure in running after other
men's-hats when they blow off.
It is better for a fellow to have one
sweetheart and get her than to have a
dozen or SO and not land any of them.
Senator Buffalo Bill! hate like
the mischief to see Bill falling into
such bad habits in his old age.
For every man who gets without
earning, some other man has got to
earn without getting. You can't rub
that out.
If all that Sweet William Lorimer
said in his own defense was true
there amt no dickens if he oughtn't
to have been a preacher.
A western preacher pokes UP his
head and wants to know if a gentle.
man will tell a lie for a dime. l won.
der If that's all he charges?
-~
Half an inch, half an inch,
Half an inch onward,
Hampered by ~hobbleskirts,
Hoped the -Four Hundred
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-10-29
Opposes Hypnotlsm.

[Reprinted by request. from The
Gate City of November %, 1901
To the Editor of The Gate City:
People seem to be excited over the
strange hypnotic phenomena that
were exhibited here a short time ago,
and are being shown again this week.
Some years ago l read a scientific
treatise on hypnotism stating that
though hypnotism may in certain cases
be of some value to physicians, the
hypnotic state was, generally speaking
worse than an ordinary disease. The
hypnotic sleep is not restful or nat
ural sleep but an unnatural condition
of utter helplessness. Hypnotism
should never be allowed to be prac-
ticed for mere amusement or as a
money-making scheme, and only by re-
putable physicians for grave causes
and under proper conditions. The
harm that results from general hypno-
tic practices Is greater than the public
realizes Nobody should allow himself
to be hypnotized to be made a tool and
fool of. and become nervous wreck
in the end. saw the man in one OF
our show windows Yesterday in his
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-10-29
Iowa Inventions.

Patents granted to Iowans for the
week ending October oath, as report
ed from the Offices of Clarence j. LOT
tus, patent attorney, Croker building,
Des Moines: No. 1,006,526, vehicle.
wheel, Albert E. Beal and C. F. Skel.
linger, Clinton; No. 1,0O6.616, obsteri
cal forceps, Charles C. Young, Des
Moines; No. 1,OO6,6O3, former-head
for tile machinery, J. H. Stewart and
]. NJ. Schenk, Waterloo, assignors
to the Cement Tile Machinery Co;
No. 41,s62, corner bracket, E. e. Had
elius, Calmar; No. 1,OO6,774 binoxide
of-hydrogen electrodes, William Morri
son, Des Moines; No. 1,0O6,934 flue ex
pander and beader, T. f. Grady. Du
buque; No. 1,O06,656 combined crank
ing and power shaft, Russell Hatten
State Center; No. 1,006,5S0 calk-form
er, Christie Mcmillan, Perry; No. l.,
006,622 centrifugal separator; E. R
Bailey, Clarinda; No. 1,oO6,s42, horse
detaching device, F. P. Gable and A
G. Buttman, Grandview; No. 1907,
022, furniture caster, Theodore Doll
Nora Springs.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-10-29
STATE u. TRAMPLES
ON PENNSYLVANIA
Long Cherished Dream Realized
Through Grand Work of Miller,
the State Quarterback.

[Gate City Leased Wire Service.l
PHILADELPHIA, Pa, Oct 2S.-
Pennsylvania State this afternoon
achieved the contamination OF a long
cherished dream when her sturdy foot
bali warriors trampled in the dust the
Red and Blue cohorts of the Univers-
ity of Pennsylvania. Honors went TO
the superior team. Score: Penn
sylvania State. %; University OF
Pennsylvania, 6.
The state eleven paralyzed the Red
end Blue in the first half with SER
les of whirlwind plays that swept the
Pennsylvania team completely or
their feet Miller, the state quarter
back, was a wizard at open field run
ming, and struck terror to Pennsyl-
vania hearts.
In the first few minutes of play, he
made two long runs for touchdowns
one of So yards and the other for ST
yards. Captain Very, the star state
end, also made run of 20 yards fol
touchdown in this period
\ The Red and Blue made it's touch
down in the second period on lonf
run by Minds.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-10-29

Read The Daily Gate City. 1oc
per week.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-10-29

hypnotic sleep. 1t was a disgusting
sight. Public authority should not toll
crate such abuses They arrest a
drunkard and put him in Jan;' hypno-
tism that feeds morbid curiosity is
worse than drunkenness. 1t robs man
for the time being of his God-given use
OF reason and lowers him thereby be-
meath the level of brutes. If people
We're less morbid and would stay away
from these degrading amusements, no
public exhibitions would be given.
Some of our leading citizens who in
stead of trying to bring about a sane
and permanent regulation of the sa-
loon business import strangers to kill
1T just to have it rejuvenated later on.
would confer lasting benefit on the
community by taking up the matter of
hypnotic drunkards.
G. GIGLINGER.