Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1911-02-08
SOME THINGS THAT ARE FUNNY.
Why is II Dog Funny? Or II String?
Or 1fn Can?
Tx. Lamity's Harpoon.)


There Is no man on earth who en-
joys fun more than myself. have
laughed all my life, not particularly
because I wanted to, but because |
saw things that were SO funny they
would make preacher laugh at Il
baptism. Birds. beasts and insects
enjoy fun, and have their jokes just
like people. Dogs, cats, chickens,
COWS, horses ond even mosquitoes and
fleas delight in practical jokes and
them for all they are worth. AS a
rule the lower creatures prefer perpe-
trating their practical jokes on men,
for the simple reason that man is so
easy to fool, and will bite at the same
old bait over and over.
For instance, YOU can very easily
induce dog to stand perfectly still
and let you tie a tin can to his tail the
first time, but when you wait few
days and imagine he has forgotten it
and try it again, he will soon let you
know that his memory is not that de-
fective. A dog or cat will walk up
cheerfully and eagerly and take one
good whiff at the ammonia bottle,
turn sixteen back somersaults, sneeze
their heads half off and hunt the tall
timber. Try them on another bottle
and you will find out that you cannot
fool them again on that old gag. But
or all creatures on earth, men are the
funniest and dead easy to humbug.
Man is the smartest thing on earth.
! won't even attempt to dispute the
statement, because he always ad-
mlts the charge. For this reason,
when some big, conccited two-Iegged
balloon, aerted with sulphurated hy-
drogen gas, stands up and unblush-
lnly admits that he is the purest pa
triot, the grandest statesman and
the greatest constitutional lawyer"
that God Almighty ever created, |
hate to prove an alibi for him--and
let 1T go at that. What chance has a
lawyer to acquit his client when he
insists on pleading guilty? What's
the use?
AS boy | took special delight in
having fun, but ! can truthfully say a
practical joke that inflicted pain or
excessive shame or modification upon
the, victim never appealed to me.
confess to canning dogs" and occa-
sionally attaching a dry inflated blad-
der to eats TAIL but even then ]
was always careful to not put over a
dozen buckshot in the cans and only
teaspoonful OF dry peas in the blad-
der. On many occasions my compan-
ions were cruel and wanted to add
more shot and peas, but | told them
not TO do so, and explained that n
small quantity would not be so heavy
burden on the poor animal, and
besides, would rattle better, thus en-
abling the dog or cat to make better
speed and deliver the package
quicker.
| always tried to make things as
pleasant and lively as possible for
the victims. For this reason, when
1--WE q ioS W al olu ucH lull 10
make her stop trying to hatch out a
bungalow setting on an old white
= door knob, ! always used a red rag
instead Of a blue or white one. Blue
Is depressing color to a hen and
white is ghostly, and is liable to
frighten her unnecessarily and make
her think Of owls and stews and
dumplings
found red much better. When
you take her tenderly by the neck
and yank her off the half melted door
knob, she is Of course mad and as
tonished and objects, but by slight
pressure you can cut off the air and
she soon takes it good naturedly. A
rag should be selected OF some gauzy
fabric, about the size OF a lady's
handkerchief and the color Of a real
well ripened tomato Tie one corner
firmly around the tip end OF three
or four of her longest tail feathers,
allowing the rest Of the cloth to hang
loosely In the rear in negligee style.
Then turn her loose-that's all.
She'll do the rest.
At the first glimpse OF the crimson
flag the hen makes her first mistake.