davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
PRESUMABLY ON HIM.

 Do you believe Americans are waste frl?" "Wel, I have met some Americans whe wasted a great deal of talk.''
 JUST FOR A REST.
 When people start to tell
 How much they know,
 Fen though they do it well,
 We long to go
 Far, far away and find
 A simple wight,
 Who has shallow mind
 And isn't bright.
 WHAT MARY LACKED. About the things that Mary had So many jokes are cracked, That we would like a list. egad, The one thing Mary lacked.
 Youngstown Telegram. Some lovely dreams in winter hats Were in the windows stacked They cost a hundred plunks and that's The one thing Mary lacked.
 Springfield Union. The many things that Mary had We very often quote. But here's one thing which Mary lacked She didn't have vote.
 -Yonkers Statesman. But Mary had the kind of smile That made the fellows note her And 1t was but little while Before she had voter
 INDESCRIBABLE. Hubby, why do men talk so much
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
ON A FAvORITE CAT, DROWNED IN
 A TUB OF GOLD FISHES

By Thomas Gr y. M
 Twas on a lofty vases side,
 Where China's gayest art had dyed 4 The azure flowers that blow, Fs Bcmurest of the tabby kind The pensive Selima reclined, ~A Gazed on the lake below. Her conscious tail her joy declared: The fair round face,sthe snowy beard The velvet of her paws,
 Her coat that with the tortoise vies, Her ears of jet, and emerald eyes She saw, and purred applause. snll had she gazed, but midst the tide Two angel forms were seen to glide, The Genii of the stream: Their scaly armours Tyrian hue ,.r Through richest purple, to the view 9 Betrayed golden gleam. 'fbe hapless Nymph with wonder saw:
 A whisker first and then a claw | With many an ardent wish ta{N l She stretched, in vain, to reach the prize l What female heart can gold despise? L. What Cats averse to fish? Presumptuous maid. with looks intent 1 Again she stretched, again she bent
 Nor knew the gulf between 5 Malignant Fate sat by and smiled | The slippery verge her feet beguiled; | She tumbed headlong in! l Eight times emerging from the food She mewed to every watery God {, Some speedy aid to send N, Dolphin came. no Nereid stirr'd, | Nor cruel Tom nor Susan heard | A favorite has no friend @i l From hence,.ye. Beauties. undeceived l Know one false step is ne'er retrieved, | And be with caution bold; fF
 Net all that tempts your wandering e y And needless hearts, is lawful prize,t Nor all that glistens, gold s
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Southern PrOsncrity

General trade throughout the country is less brisk than l predicted early in the year it would be, but there is a good deal of activity along certain lines now, and l look for prosperity the rest of the year," said S. E. Barnes of Chi cago.
 .'I was in the west month ago and things looked pretty good in that sec ton. In the state of Washington busi- ness is very prosperous. But when 1t comes to prosperity, however, the south easily beats the rest of the country at this time.
 "The crop situation in the south is far better than It Is. north or west. 1 was in Texas two weeks ago, and have been in two other states since then. Nearly everybody I met on the trains talked op- t.mistically. Several well informed bank CTS have said to me recently that this would be the south's banner year from an agricultural point of view"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
SDleudtd Hands

Birmingham has been treated to the best brass and reed music, and, taking 1t all together, the United States Marine band which appeared al the Jefferson theater yesterday afternoon and last night was the best heard here in recent years, Next Tuesday we are to have Creatore's oaad at the Jefferson-matinee and night-and in the estimation of some critics this Ital- ian organization is the finest of all.
 'Creatore was here few years ago,
 said local musician, ''and, gave great delight. Parsifal was not as familiar then as it is now. Creatore was parti;u-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
Regarding Investment Capital

''I met capitalist on the train a few days ago" said a well known railroad of ncial, and his remarks about large investments which he once had in Birmingham made deep impression on me.
 ."This gentlemen told me that he had been a pioheer investor in Birmingham, but that he was withdrawing his capital from this city because of attendancy on the part of some men in public life to harass large capital. He said that when the last legislature undertook to tax for eign capital he made up his mind then that he would withdraw from this dis trict. He said further that prohibition ill Birmingham had cost him dearly. AL though prohibition is thing of the past he would be, according to his calculation, several hundred thousand dollars better off if this courty or state had never gone dry. The people of each state have a right, he ccncededy to vote for the policies they think best; but capital needs en- couragement. Any sort of legislation an- tagonistic to capital is extremely hurtful to any ambitious community, he said What made him particularly sore was that he had done so much boosting for this city in the past. Now he was get ting away from It.
 ''I said to this capitalist that the pres ent legislature was standing on the last democratic platform which pledged the party to a liberal policy toward capital and to the local option system instead of tatrtory prohibition. I showed him that the present administration was altogether
 friendly to corporations, and that he
 couldn't find a better county in which to invest than Jefferson or a better state
 than Alabama. But this capitalist seemed to bo disgruntled. I was glad to think that this multi-millionaire with whom I talked was the only rich man of my &C.,
 quaintance with investments in the Bir- mingham district, who was dissatisfied. Still, after I heard this mans story,
 could not much blame him."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
POINTED PARAGRAPHS

From the Chicago News
 Gossips tell all they know and then some.
 The social whirl has made many a girl 3ady
 Most of lfe's so-caed tragedies are merely comedies.
 The motto of a grass widower: "Onc ? stung always shy"
 Money makes the mare go; the lack of 1t makes her go hungry.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
BRASS WORKERS DIE YOUNG

Emery R. Hayhurst in The Survey.
 The present rate of mortality of the brass foundryman is two and one-half times that of the farmer. Respiratory diseases, particularly consumption, ac- count for the difference. Comparative tables based on sickness and invaldlsm, if obtainable, would show even greater differences.
 The age statistics in the trade are start Ing. Of 1751 brass foundrymen but l1 ever 50 years of age were found, and hare 250 over 40 years of age. When asked the cause of this, officials invariably stated: "They got too old, they can | turn out the work they should every day Bat what sort of an industry is this in which nearly six-sevenths of it's followers are too old at the age of 70? It is not thus among iron moulders, most of whom ars hale and hearty even at 60 years and still able to turn out their full quota Of work daily Worolkmen claim they "are knocked out by the brass fumes.' These aee statistics for Chicago workmen are no different from those Sir Thomas Oliver gives in his book on Dangerous Trades: "Only ten brass workers of 1900 casters in Birmingham (England) were found living beyond co years. A superannuation in surance for brass founders to begin at 5( years of age had only three applicants IT a period of some ten years.'
 There is no cure for brass chills. But they can be prevented by striking at the cause. For such an important industry not to do so is like tolerating smallpox | In a modern community. The workmeT must be protected from the breathing O. 1 orass fumes and foundry smoke, II | large foundries with good ventilation either natural or artificial brass chilli l racticaly never occur.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
MILE. GABY'S YOUTH AND AGE

From the Cleveland Leader,
 Apropos of Gaby, the New York Even ing Sun says she Is an young as her smile and as old as her legs" When she reveals the first she is girlish, and when the legs are put on view she ages at once. Therefore. as the Sun man says, the green and gold coat which hides them at the end of the play accomplshes wonderful restoration of Gaby's youth and beauty.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
BID cHE MEAN IT2

A young lady of Oak Park has been spending the summer in Petoskey, Mich. Before she went there she had a most de- voted adnirer. Now he has transferred his affections and refuses to speak to her any more.
 The trouble is that she was lonesome at Petoskey, and one day she bought a postcard showing one of the public puld- ings up there and sent it to her beau, writing on it, "I wish you were here"
 But she did not notice that it was the picture of the Emmet county jail.-Chi- cago Post.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
Gliding Tests at kittyhawk

The Wrights met with slight dis aster at Kittyhawk. The damage done will soon be repaired and then the experiments with the new glider will be continued. Thus far results are promising. The effort is not to perfect a motorless machine. A motor will be used for starting and for emergencies, and all that is hoped for is machine whose planes will, unaided, keep it afloat. In that way the consumption of gasoline can be decreased, and machines can fly all day without alighting. More safety and less gasoline are the oh- jects sought. The plane will be de- pended upon to a greater extent. The development of the plane is in short what the Wrights are seeking in their new experiments on the North Carolina coast.
 If they succeed they will again put American aviation far ahead of all rivals. They are students, never graduated players, and they will pur- sue their experiments at Kittyhawk no doubt until they are ready to an. nounce what they have accomplished The aeroplane in their hands will be advanced as rapidly as the skill anC science of today is capable of.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
SEEMS INCREDIBLE.

You may not believe me, but this really happened.
 'I'm waiting to hear.
 "A friend asked Professor Diges yes terday what he knew about the Giants. The professor answered that he knew very little about them, as his speciality was geology and not mythology
 PAUL. COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
DELIGHTED.

of late, since cooler weather
 Put flies upon the blink, We simply don't know whether
 To smile, skip, jump or wink.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
EXASPERATING.

It is very tiresome to meet people who think their way is the only right way and won't give you chance to prove exclusively that your way is the only right way.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
out the morning after ?'1

about the morning after'?'
 presume, my dear, so much talk or the subject is due to the vain effort rner make to find words that will express one half of what they feelr
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
ALMoST A SHOWER

From the Delphi Journal
 Among the Chicago excursionists Sun day were MT. and Mrs. Dennis Sprinkle. MT. and Mrs. Morris Sprinkle. Miss Ira :splsnkle and Edmond Sprinkle.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
.NoTuJNG DOING, SAYS CITY

From the Appleton (Wis.) Crescent
 All matrimonial rumors about John IT. E'reude and Mrs. Anna Roehl, especially in the Fifth ward, are untrue and a false | hocd.-Guy Perry.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
SOON CUT DOWN.

He saved up his money and neer spent
 q cent, However, his neighbors might scoff; Eut ere he got wealthy, as was his in
 tent, An automobile took him off
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

If the canal is to be opened in 1913 the senatorial and other junketers have no time to waste.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
MAKES A DIFFERENCE

Ii is charming to see how considerate beautiful girl can be of a homely girl but when two beautiful girls arc together -"En garde!'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

The fried chicken issue Is becoming hot under the collar in Norfolk, Petersburg and Charlotte, and yet the real original home of fried chicken is In Alabama.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

When Owen Mister says that he still lives in good health, his word will have 10 be accepted.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

From tag day in Chicago the orphans of that city got s54,OoO. The taggers of Cricago were irresistible.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

John R. Walsh recovered his health al most as soon as he was paroled.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

Johndee weighs 19O pounds and he has million for every pound avoirdupois.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

William Rockefeller has gout of the throat, which is certainly a novel place to have it. only Standard Oil magnates nnYe IL there
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

Jersey City has 1869 saloons. It scarcely needs a water supply for beverage pur- poses.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

Justice Harlan was a great dissenter ard the court has none now.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

That California exposition will be opened in 1915 and the canal in 1913. The canal will be an old story in 1915.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

Sun Vat Sen does not sound warike ii Anglo Saxon ears. Chinese ears are diff ierent, however
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

As seat of war China is displacing both Italy and Turkey in the popular mind. Hurrah for pr. Sen.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

The Wrights seem to be winning again at Devil Kill Hill.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

The Chinese army is very much like tae Brazilian navy in a recent emer- penpV
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
FARMING HAZARDOUS INDUSTRY

The Lorimer democrats have short and uncertain memories.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

sriS now the very witching time Of
 night, When churchyards yawn, and hell itself
 brcafhes out Contagion to the world -Hab,let
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

The grip of the Manchus in China Is fu'Iy as great as that of Dom Shelby Gull loT in Illinois.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

some say the reaction from present styles means the reintroduction of hooped skirts, whether there is room for them not,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

The unemployed cannot be trusted to vote for the administration and its high faliff.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

MT. LaFollette seems to be. after all, the man who is to make Wisconsin fa- nous.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

LaFollette has been indorsed for Pres ident, not nominated This may be a distinction without a difference.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
NO MoLLYcoDDLE HE.

tIe toiled along the road of life And still hoped for the best, Although he had nagging wife
 Who surely was pest
 Ioor man! Did he bewail his lot
 While she his nose did tweak? 'Tis evident you knew him not
 He thrashed her twice a week.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

FOR SAKE OF GOOD CITIZENSHIP. He would not spank his little boy And maybe that was why The son he hoped would be his joy
 In prison came to die. hate to write these doleful rhymes
 Of one beneath the sod. But parents should not spare, sometimes.
 The slipper and the rod.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
urRr1s SORROW.

A poet says there's sunshine in his heart However gloomy all the world around, ri go to him-perhaps he'll take my
 part
 And heal me of misfortunes grlevous
 wound.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

The crest of the insurgent wave is now DC mpadourod.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
A SERIOUS DRAWBACK.

'TIow pleasant it seems to be cradled in the lap of luxury!'
 "Yes. but how trying it is on one's liyeri'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

For yestereve, just when my heart was
 gay The smile I wore conclusive proof or
 that chump came in to see a picture play And in the seat beside me crushed my
 hat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21
TELEPHONES

Bell (private exchange connecting all departmeDts), No. 49O0.
 Peoples; Editorial rooms, 231; busi- ness office, 230.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-21

Entered at the Birmingham Ala, postoffice as second class matter under act of Congress March 3. 1873.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30

In Cmatilla county there are 49,
1855 whites, CO negroes, 900 Indians.
9S Chinese and "a Japanese.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30
ASTORIA BILL is TANGLED.
100000 Appropriation in Danger of

state Capitol, Salem, Or. Jan. so.
Through a strange combination of
circumstances Senator Testers bill
providing for an appropriation of
$1,000 600 for Astoria. is in a peculiar
position and will need considerable
tinkering before it is in a presentable
share ann carries out the wishes Of
its author.
ine Dill Originally asked 100000
w. :. Vie Astoria Centennial Celebration.
- went into the ways and means COM
mittee and was reported back as pro-
viding for $4,000 under the condi-
ton that Astoria raise $4,000 addi-
tonal and Clatsop county raise an
other $4,000. When the bill came
back from the committee n storm of
protest was raised by the senators,
many of them favoring the original
appropriation of 100000. Conse-
quently 1t was referred back to the
committee with instructions to change
| $25,0 to 100000.
The committee made the change
and reported back the bill without
recommendation. Now it is discover
ed that the bill. as 1t stands provide'
that Astoria must raise 100000 anC
Clatsop county another 100000 /
the state appropriates the 100000
Doubt is expressed by a number o
the senators as to the chances of tn
bill when it is finally properly amend
ed and put on passage.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30

conduct examinations Of public ac-
countants.
a game commission, to have general
charge over game law regulations
a commission to revise the judicial
system Of the state.
A text book commission to settle on
books furnished under the free school
book law.
Besides these, there are bills for
the creation of several new state Of
ficers, including bills for an assistant
secretary of state, state hotel inspec-
tor, fire marshal and a state audi
tor or examiner of accounts, Anoth
er new office is proposed by an
amendment TO the constitution Great
ing the position of lieutenant COVER
nor. A resolution submitting the last
named proposal to the people has al
ready been adopted by both houses.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30

The L. S. Govcrnment in its Pure
Food Law" does not endorse or
guarantee" any preparation. as some
manufacturers in their advertisements
would make it appear. In the case Of
medicines the law provides that cer-
tain drugs shall be mentioned on the
labels, If they are ingredients of the
preparations. Ely's Cream Balm, the
well known family remedy for cold
in the head, hay fever and nasal ca
tarrh, doesn't contain a single inju-
rious drug, so that the makers have
simply to print the fact that it COM
plies with all the requirements of the
law,
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30
HUMAN HAIR PRICES
TAKING RlG SLUMP

Dealers in human hatr are expect
ing another slump it prices next week
duo to the rsNoIS from China to the
effect that Nj, Wu Tmg-Fang expects
to visit a bagbcr ON Monday next and
have his 0Acuc Topped off. Mr. WrS
oueue atone. of course. could hardly
affect the hair market, but ihous-
andE-proHahly hundreds of ihous-
ands-of. Chinese are likely TO follow
his example Hundreds of metropoli-
tan Orientals, it is announced, Will
visit the barber day after tomorrow
and sacrifice their superfiuous appen-
dages as an offering to the spirit of
progress that is rapidly becoming the
chief joss of the Chinese.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30
13 STATE BOARD
MEASURES PENDING

No less than 13 new state commits
sions and boards are proposed in bills
now pending before the legislature at
Salem Several of these are to be
without salary. II established, and
others consist of present state Off
GERS invested with new duties or ex
tended authority.
For instance, the public service
commission, one of the most import
ant, merely extends the jurisdiction of
the state railway commission An
other example is the proposed state
purchasing board, which would CEN
ter in the present state board the pur-
chase OF supplies for all departments
and institutions.
A civil service commission to for
employees of the state government is
another made up of present state Of
ficers, and one of the same character
is the board proposed for examina-
ton and approval of voting machines,
should the bill to authorize use of
such machines in Multnomah county
become a law.
Other state commissions and boards
named in pending bills are the fol-
lowing:
Highway board, part of the Goes
Roads association plan. u
Naval militia board, undo
organizing the naval rec r the bill
A parole board, to Serve.
plications for para pass on all ap'
sentences, .on on indeterminat'
A state
charge printing board, to taxi
Ayy of printing under the flat sal
plan.
A board for the examination ant
registry of graduate nurses.
state hoard of accountancy, I
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30
Too Much FnCe.

You feel as If you had one face too
many when you have neuralgia, don't
you Save the face. you may need
1t; but get rid of the neuralgia by
applying Ballard's Snow Liniment.
Finest thing in the world for rheu-
matism. neuralgia. burns cuts, scalds,
lame back and all pains. A. c. Keep
pen & Bros.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30
TORTURES OF PILES.
It Is Unnecessary 10 Suffer This Ter
riblc Trouble,

Keen torture Is the everyday lot
of the sufferer from piles.
And yet that suffering is needless.
Pendleton Drug Co. and druggists
everywhere will sell you Hem-Roid
and later return your money II 1t fails.
We have sold Hem Roid that way
for two or three years and refunds
aslSed have been less than three per
cent. We therefore recommend it with
confidnce.
Hem-Rold is an internal remedy
the prescription of DIR. ]. S. Leon
hardt. 81 for q large bottle. Dr
Leonhardt Co, Station b, Buffalo, N
Y. Write for booklet.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30

Unfurnished housekeeping rooms
in East Oregonian building Steam
heat, gas range in Kitchen. electric
lights. hot and cold water and bath.
Recently renovated. Enquire at e. o.
office.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30
Estrnr NntiCC.

one span OF sorrel Eeldlng9 so0'''
what old weight about l1bc pounds.
Any person notifying Gas Lohaugh
Pilot Rock or John L. BARLEY. 2oS
Lilleth street Peudleton will ne O.
warded
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-01-30

PILES CURED ~ 6 TO II DAYS.
PA2O OINTMENT is guaranteed to
cure any case OF Itching. Blind, Bleed
ing or Protruding Piles In to IL
dave or money refunded. SOC