davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
.JAYHAWKER JOTS

One young man in speaking of Gig
arettes said within earsho- of the
Pratt Union: Il am not the victim who
will go from cough to coffin"
"Old people have faults like little
children says the Home Circle editor
of the Havensville Review. "but they
have no mothers to forgive them"
How cruel of the Hiawatha- News
Democrat to rub it in with this re-
mark: Remember the blizzard last
winter and how you wished for The
good old summer time.
It seems that the tomato crop is, as
usual, short this year, and that as
usual, prices will be higher 1t isn't
always the unexpected that happens
after all--Halstead Independent.
Several people have been finding
pearls in the clam shells in the Neosho
recently. reports the Americas Greet
ing. Some of them are pretty nice
ones, and the finders estimate them to
be worth from one to a million dollars.
Reported the Seneca Courier-Dem-
ocrat in last weeks issue: mick Kais-
er said the crops were pretty good and
not much injured by the unusual
amount of wet weather" But this
Years Ago" column.
Under the caption Onaga VS.. Circle
wills, the Onaga Herald printed the
lasses at the stick and Measles catch
ing. Cigar was in the box with plenty
of smoke. Horn on first base and
Fiddle on second base, backed by Corn
in the field, made it hot for umpire
Apple, who was rotten. AK came to
the bat and chopped. Cigar let Brick
walk and Sawdust filled the bases
Song made a hit and Twenty made a
score. Cigar went out Ballon started
to pitch, but went straight up. Then
Cherry tried it, but was wild. Old Ice
kept Coal in the game until he was hit
by a pitched ball. Then yoU ought to
have heard Ice scream. Cabbage had
a good head and kept quiet. Grass
covered lots of ground in the field and
the crowd cheered when Spider caught
a fly Bread loafed on third and
pumped Organ who played fast and
put Eight out. In the fifth inning
Wind began to blow about what he
could do. Hammer began to knock
and trees began to leave. The way
they roasted Peanuts was a fright
Knife was called out for cutting first
base. Lightning finished pitching the
game and struck out six men In the
ninth Apple told Fiddle to take his
base. Oats was shocked, then Song
made another hit. Trombone made a
slide for third and Meat was put out
on the plate. Betting was fast and
furious. but Soap cleaned up. Score
II to 0. Door said if p e had pitched
he would have shut them out.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
HUAOR OF TIE DAY

Mrs Given-In give you a meal If you'll
split this wood Weary Wilie-Impossible
na'am; I'm conservationist--New York
Sun.
sailor-want to buy parrot. lady?
Iady-Does it swear? Sailor-No; this one
more I kin get yer very choice article
wot do--Ht-Bits.
Colonel at Regimental Races (entertafn-
ing some farmers)-Well, what will you all
have? Spokesman-There's be three
WHISTLES, yer honor, and the other twos
taytotalers; they'll just be takin' a shpot
ov wine.-Punch.
Hear Dubbleigh over there Dragging
about his wife" What's he saying?''
He's telling Brown that all he is he owes
to her" Hump DO you call that brag-
ging? '-Boston Transcript.
DO you think Miss Roxy cares any
thing for your" well, I think she's be
ginning to care little" What makes
you think that?" why, the last time I
weeks ago 1 counted five yaWns in one
evening. Variety Life.
Mrs. Willis cat the Ladies' Aid Society
Now, what can we do for the poor boys
at the front? Mrs. GiIlis-I was reading
only today where the soldiers are always
making sorties; Now, why can't wet get
the recipe for those things and make them
ourselves and send them up to the boys2-
Puck.
THANK heaven. those bills are got rid
Of" said Bilkins, fervently, he tore
up a bundle of statements of account
dated Oct. l. ''All paid. eh?" asked Mrs
Bilkins. ooh, no. said Bilkins. "The
duplicates dated Nov. have come in and
don't have to keep these any longer
Harper's Weekly.
What are her days at homer" "Oh
a society leader has no days at home any
more Nowadays she has her telephone
hours."-Smart Set.
flames is a physical wrecx.'' Why he
used to have strong constitution Yes
but the doctors have amended it several
times ''-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
What is your ideal MANI" "One who
is clever enough to make money and fool
ish enought to spend it!'-Variety Life
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

[From the Chicago Newsl
Girl chums are almost as thick as a
fat man.
It's the land of the free-for spin
sters and bachelors.
Every time child shows you its toy
bank it's your ante.
It's the united efforts of little
things that make big troubles.
Being in the right place at the right
time 10 often but an accident.
A man may move in the highest So
cial circles without getting very far
ahead.
If young man hasn't the cheek to
kiss pretty widow she may be will
ing to furnish it.
A good name being better than
riches, it behooves US to take better
care of our regulations
A woman has about as much use
1or man who doesn't admire her as
fatted calf has for a prodigal son.
Many a man enjoys having his
w1fes relatives visit them so he can
be detained downtown till niGnir1,t
on business.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
THE sEVENTEEN-YEAR LOCUST.

The seventeen-year locust visits
these parts again this season. and We
hope he viii be able to see improve
ment in our world since his last in
spection of it, says Harper's Weekly.
He is curious little beast and needs
to be explained What IS the reason
of him What is he good for? Why is
his period so PECULIAR They tell Us
that down south his period is shorter
and his visits come every thirteen
years. That suggests that he may
have been originally designed for
equatorial life. or something still hot
ter, and meant to hatch out annually.
but grew dilatory as his habitat cooled.
Perhaps he is a parable, and in
tended to suggest how often legisla-
lures should meet.
He should be expounded and ex-
planned. We would like to know. for
what conclusions about him
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
The Unwelcone Cfcada.

The spring poet whose occupation
was very nearly gone this year is now
preparing to string his tuneful Tyre in
celebration of the cicada. Simultanc-
ously the farmer in the eastern states
is looking for ward with groundless ap-
prehension to the arrival of the same
peSky little insect. For that oVereSti-
mated enemy of crops and foliage. the
1T-year locust. will be abroad in the
land within a few weeks. Untold mil
lions of them are expected to flourish
early in June.
Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and New
York will be especially afflicted, ac-
cording to the predictions of entomolo-
gists based on observations of the
larvae, which are now in the ground.
The campaign of the 17-year locusts
upon foliage is expected to begin in
Virginia Fifty years after the out
break of the civil war, the Atlantic
states are threatened with an invasion,
starting from the region of the Po-
tomac. But the causes for apprehen-
record, the 17-year locust is not espe-
cially devastating or destructive.
Where they make their centers, how
ever, they may damage or cripple trees
and shrubs and flowers. Fruit growers
and horticulturists are the principal
sufferers by the depredations of this
noisy insect, which has no constant
friend but the poet. Sventeen-year-old
locusts continue their activity for
about four weeks. In that brief period
the females manage to deposit eacn
about 5000 eggs on the twigs of trees.
Presumably chronological bureaus
and agricultural experiment stations
VIII this year be in a position to take
steps for the destruction of the cicada's
eggs to the end that the horticuIturist
and fruit grower of 1928 will have less
reason to be anxious about the swarms
of 17-year locusts than are those of to-
day.-Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
JOURNAL ENTRIES

The fellow who can not tell a girl
how much he loves her doesn't love her
very much.
Most of the pain in connection with
surgical operations is caused by having
to pay for them.
X y
Not so many folk seem to put any
stock in the old saying to the effect
that contentment is better than wealth.
If there was a tax on talk, nearly
everybody would find it easy to get
along without indulging in so much
of it.
All of the many excellent and per-
fectly just decisions of baseball UNI
pires never attract the slightest atten-
ton. But that's the attitude of the
mob in respect to all human activities.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

session of the United States senate.
Evidence is accommodating daily that
the Sixty-second Congress viii also go
down in history as holding the cham
pionship belt for all sorts of investi-
cations. A half-dozen are already I'M
der way and many more are promised.
So busily employed are the members
of congress with their regular and ex-
ira work that in all likelihood they'll
soon be taking the necessary steps to
increase their paw again
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
REFLECTIONS OF A BAcHEr,oR
TFrom the New Y

lFrom the New York Press
The more disappointed a bride is tho
surer she is it can't be so.
Making money for somebody else
seems good deal easier than for
When man brings a present 49,.
Ior ms wife it's sign he is goinp ~
Try 70 spend the evening out.
me weather saves lots of peor1a
from being dumb at a party. b11t tthbopss
De more interesting if it didn't.
mer trip any other way. she 1,s + sum sum
a trolley ride into the country ana an axe ahs
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
Who Is King of Explorers?

The announcement that the United
Chicago Irish societies would crown St.
Bredin as the king of explorers at the
coming Fourth of July pageant has
stirred up a merry row between the
Irish and italian societies of the city
A delegation of Italians met the
sane Fourth committee and protested
against the plans as a slight to Chris
topher Columbus, and insisted that if
there be any GROWING, CHRISTOPHER
should be given the honor.-Chicag
dispatch to the New York Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

There are a large number of automo-
biles in Kansas but any one VINO thinks
they are putting his majesty. the lorse,
out of business, has another guess COM
ing. Kansas now has HAST horses
or whereabouts within her confines. an
increase of no less than 10000 over
the number in the state ten years ago.
And it is during that same period that
all Of the automobiles have come to
Sunfower land.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
MIL. LEASED WIRE REPORT
N or THE ASSOCIATED PE1529
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the State Journal lli1,.
.,,,.o-l from home during the summer
NAV have the paper mailed regular ~
each day to any address al, az esi0 CENTS r1 a
.,,nnth INV mail only. Address
Change changed as often as desired; White lie
s,l,% - town the state journal Will DC
to Won like daily letter from nome -,
Advance paymen,5 Is ,D lions to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

one of the latest things in FASHION
hasn't much to recommend it, as 1t IS
an umbrella which folds up IN STICK
like affair just half the length OF an
ordinary umbrella. Such contrlVance
will be all the easier for frlends 10
carry away "by mistake
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

Aviators will have to flap their wings
a bit faster to beat the latest in auto
mobile records. Near London the other
day an expert chauffeur drove motor
car 1858 miles in an hour. But when
one comes to think of 1t that's only
about the average speed of couple Of
Automobiles in their travels on the
streets of Topeka. Nor is it likely nee
essary to mention names in this par
tfcular
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

Just suppose there should be an ice
cream famine in Topeka or any ether
Mace. Would that be Of much eonse-
onenee? Couldn't the people worry
along pretty well even under such dire
circumstances?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

When the thermometers finally get
down to registering the old-fashioneo
summer weather Of So or 80 degrees
which under ordinary circumstances Is
pretty hot stuff, most Of the FOLK III
these parts will be inclined to get out
their winter hannels' so cool VIII It
seem in comparison to the weather
that has prevailed of late.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

IT was wholly gratuitous on the part
of the weather experts" to announce
that the June just past was the hottest
and driest that Kansas has ever ex-
perienced. However, this is more evil
dence that the professional weather
men are particularly reliable With
weather information after the fact
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
nv ERE9 IAN N.
y q

Recipe for keeping cool during hot
weather: Stuff pillows and mattress
with cracked ice and attach electric
fan to each corner of bed, focusing
same on exact center. Then go to
Pixies Peak or Labrador
Having some more earthquakes out
in California, and they don't seem to
care for 'em. If California can guar
antee their quakes to break a steady
run of so-called weather, they may
ship us few collect.
''So-called" was used Intentionally
in that paragraph. What we are hav-
ing is NOT weather, and had Cen
Sherman suffered a few lines of the
same before saying it. he would have
reserved his justly celebrated defini-
ton for a better subject.
Today they are being overcome by
heat; one year ago today, Hon. JEFF
fries was overcome by smoke. Waiter!
Bring another charcoal highball!
Swat, also. the GOODS who refers to
those mysterious moth-patches on the
sky as threatening clouds" Any
cloud is a promise in hot weather.
Down in Chanute, a man who SO
far forgot himself as to show a fish
warden the illegal hook device with
which he was fishing, escaped without
q fine. The court rightly held tnat
he was of unsound mind.
At distillery fire in Glasgow, a
stream of burning 'whusky'' ran
down into the river, and to run hot
Scotch into anything but iced settler
may be correctly termed a burning
shame
(Honestly, we wouldn't try to put
over thing like that in reasonable
weather.
Hon. See, of Chicago. asserts that
his book of nfe' has been tempered
with. Meanwhile the prosecution con-
tinues to voice a suspicion that other
things, including some OF the unwill-
ing witnesses, have also been tamper-
ed with.
The excessive heat stunted the June
bride crop, and a number of girls have
missed a chance to figure in the Sep
TENDER divorce crop as a consequence.
To avoid trouble with the Powers.
the Hon. Compositor will kindly set
the following in the smallest type he
can find:
This Is the day to celebrate
The Independence of our Nation
But mollycoddles, sad to state,
Object to noisy demonstration.
So wave your penny flag and squeak:
''Hurrah! We're patriots, but meek.''
Hep
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

nj. E. I.arimer. Shawnee county ap-
rears to be fortunate in having the
,ight kind Of an auditor in the right
,,1ace and at the right time.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

The Lorimer investigation has oeen
halted for a period of two weeks Bul
this merely postpones by that fnucI
time the inevitable for the erstwhlle
.eR1onde Boss" Of Illinois.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

Up in the northeast section of Kan
sas some wheat has been harvested that
yielded 515k bushels to the acre. That's
something like it. For several years
the average wheat yield in this state
has been around IA or Is bushels to the
acre. The yield noted above shows
what can be done in the wheat-growing
line in Kansas if the proper effort is
made. And it's an effort worth while.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
AS TO PUNCTUALITY.

A girl down near the east line of the
state, somewhere, graduated last week
without having been abSen. or tardy
even once in seven years Not once in
seventy months, 280 weeks, 1850 days.
What a record to go up against in
youth and inexperience. AS long as
life shall linger so long must she now
make good in one of the nom essen
tials For many times seven years she
must be there on the stroke of the
bell or dissolve herself in tears, re-
to be ahead of time as behind time,
officially speaking; a little variation
prior to or subsequent, lends spice;
the rigid observance of the school bell
followed to seven year limit, will
make it dangerous for her husband to
be late for breakfast, dinner or supper
once in his whole life. If the man ever
knows of this seven year business he
will marry the other girl any way.
Punctiliousness makes Of lie some
thing of a nuisance at best. There is
some question whether life is worth
voluntary repetition or net, but if seven
years without lapse or stumble is in
Guided in the curriculum, then there is
no question 1t is the harmless 1apses
and stumbles which count ard give the
merry ha ha to a grouchy world That
girl better forget it, and not put it on
is as a precious shining recommend
around her sweet young neck When
the boys begin to think they will shy
at the stride. She would not allow
muddy boots, or cigar smoke in the
parlor, or the harmless f1b once in
mans whole life time.-Clay Center
Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

The manner in which Topekans have
come to the front in subscribing the
several thousand dollars that viii be
needed to finance the Semi-Centennial
celebration is gratifying indeed. and
significant Of the fact that the people
Of the city are now alive and anxious
to take advantage Of every opportunity
TO boost their home town and Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
FROM OTHER PENS
SAVING NIAGARA

1t would be hardly less than Grim
inal negligence for congress to refuse
to extend the term of the Burton act
of 1906, protecting Niagara from poll
alton at the hands of the power com
panies. The issue is too clear to need
discussion The senate this week pass
ed the new act extending the protec-
ton of the former one; the house can
not afford to do otherwise than act
promptly in concurrence.
The Burton law of five years ago by
its own terms expires on the both of
the present month. After that date
unless the new act is Endorsed by the
house, the power companies which
have already largely decreased the size
and grandeur of the cataract. would
be given free rein to Increase their ca
pacity within the insufficient limita-
tons of the Canadian treaty. That
might mean the practical ruination Of
this great natural spectacle.
Congress cannot afford to sacrifice
through neglect a possession of untold
value which could never be replaced.
Mr. Burton has performed public
service in the matter. Quick and fav-
orabIe action by the house is to be ex-
pected.=Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

''So-called" was used Intentionally
in that paragraph. What we are hav-
ing is NOT weather, and had Gen.
Sherman suffered a few lines of the
same before saying it, he would have
reserved his justly celebrated defini-
ton for a better subject.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
RETAINING THE PHILIPPINES.

It is pointed out, as a sign of the
lessening of the popular interest in the
Philippines. that the insular bonds
have been constantly decreasing in
value. These bonds have the United
States practically behind them, and the
interest is fair, and yet they keep on
going down every year.
This fact is regarded as indicating
that the people are not in favor of re-
tanning the Philippines. 1t is not for
any lack of faith in the security of the
bonds. but because the people are get
ting tired of those PARKWAY possessions
and are expecting soon to give them
up. This attitude of mind can account
for the continuous depreciation of the
bonds. and we know of no other reason,
for these bonds are quite as desirable
as similar bonds that are going up all
the time.
Some day the question will come
squarely before the people-do we want
the Philippines? There will be many
strong arguments that will support the
policy of retention, but it will be alto
gether likely that public sentiment will
be the other way.-Ohio State Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

Lorimer and his friends will proba-
bly, throw up their hands in horror at
the announcement Of Senator Bourne
of oregon. He states he is going to
run for reelection to the United States
senate without making any speeches,
sending out any literature or spending
any money for campaign purposes.
Would that such a custom would pre-
vail In all sections Of the country and
especiaIly as regards the speeches.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

Today, they are being overcome by
heat; one year ago today, Hon. JET
fries was overcome by smoke. Waiter!
Bring another charcoal highball!
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

Another senatorial election investi-
CATION is threatened. The possible de-
fendant in the case Is Uncle Ike
Stephenson of Wisconsin. The report
Of special investigation of Senator
Etephenson's election which shows al
legged Irregularities, and which was
made by a committee OF the Wiscon-
sin senate, has been placed in the pos
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

Recipe for keeping cool during hot
weather: Stuff pillows and mattress
with cracked ice and attach electric
fan to each corner Of bed, focusing
same on exact center. Then go to
Pixies Peak or Labrador.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

Swat, also, the GOODS who refers to
those mysterious moth-patches on the
sky as threatening clouds" Any
cloud is a promise in hot weather.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04
TICHT on TTPPTNG.


A divorce case tried in New York
has been the means of bringing out
little interesting information on the
subject of tipping in that city.
The suit was brought by the wife Of
French waiter. She testified that he
received, besides his salary, from $40 to
$50 a week in tips. And he worked in
q comparatively obscure restaurant
where the prices are not considered
high His annual income, as is seen,
was between $1,000 and $4,000 year
more than the average lawyer or doc
tor is able to earn. In the higher
priced eating and drinking places in
New York, the income of some of the
walters must at least double that.
The tipping evil is more rampant on
Manhattan than in any other American
city, but it prevails nevertheless in
every big town in the country. The
larger the city the more difficult it is
to obtain satisfactory service in the
more pretentious restaurants and hotel
dining rooms, unless the walters feel
assured that they will be rewarded by
tips. And it is no secret that in many
cases their weekly pay is regulated by
what the proprietors estimate their tips
will amount to.-Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-07-04

Having some more earthquakes out
in California and they don't seem to
care for 'em. If California can guar
antee their quakes to break a steady
run of so-called weather, they may
ship US a few collect.