The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1911-09-08
THE FARMER: SEPTEMBER 8, 1911

they don't have it in Maine, at least
1t was never above board at our hotel,
which was strictly temperance with
many girls, old maid chaperons and
no eligible gents except five college
WATERS
Was the service black?" asked Cor
nell, ~.
Ignoring superfiuous remarks and
reaching for the catsup bottle which
amt, / continue. Oh. yes, one of those
canes Of bread will do in view of the
absence Of a fence rail. Where was L?
Generally In white f1annels holding
some girls hand when not engaged 9TH
erwise''
''Puns eliminated from this feast Of
narrative" remarked Princeton, IL.
ITO explain" rejoined Yale. '13, Il
meant when I wasn't engaged trying
to act natural in a white coat and
holding a tray in one hand.''
You're released" shot back Prince
ton, IL. "a good waiter never car
ries tray in his hand; he bears it
aloft on his hand, as We did at our
swell place in New Jersey.
Your Interruptions have spoiled
good story mourned the Yale stu
dent, "but I will say that that Ha1-
ward chap played mean trick on the
girls became engaged to. I won the
bet, though, for he never got any fur
Their than one engagement, and at this
moment up in Maine he's waiting on
her down on the beach by Lovers
Rock, where he will clasp her left
hand in his-ring on the girls third
finger already-and talk about the
home they will have in the sweet by
and-by. When my eight fancees be-
gan to talk about such things, especial
ly rings, decided it was about time
to hurry home to father. To relieve
your minds, might add that so far
there are no breach of promise suits,
for I was careful not to sign any con-
tracts nor propose to any Of the eight
within ten miles Of another girl Or
one of those lovely old ladies'; you
know the kind
1.-THE only way to enjoy the sum-
sis to be at a hotel where the prop
rietor realizes the value of a few col
lege fellows as an attraction for the
guests-feminine kind, of course-ev-
en- though their liberal education in
cludes a knowledge Of that little pro-
fessional trick of dropping a plate
Of soup down the neck Of some tight
wad who has forgotten that a walters
a waiter even though he may wear a
fraternity pin. You can talk all you
want to about this tipping evil, but
when you get right down to SIS u
body to pay you gentleman's wages.
Even though I am a seasoned waiter
three seasons at the same hotel
find it impossible to accept anything
but smiles and thanks from a girl
whose hand I have kept the mosqui-
toes off Of the night before or whom
I have taught to swim. It's an ca
ceedingly pleasant life down at the no.
tel-not for from Cape May, by the
way-where I spend most of each sum-
mer, except for shining up the silver
ware
isn't it wonderful the love profess
sional waiter has not for one of us
ringers or 'scabs' 2" asked Princeton,
IL, and the other two assented. "An
old hand from a Broadway restaurant
who was summering down where I was
tipped my tray the second day was
on the job. thinking was a fresh
man waiter Well. little Willie bid
him with that clever little stunt Of
accidentally swinging an empty tray
between his legs. Waiter, soup tur-
cen and plates crashed to the floor, |
and. great r. was the fall thereof. 1
couldn't help it-because-well, I've
been at it SO long. you know. I'm
almost professional myself.
"But, thank Epicurus, I don't have
the typical walters face and style OF |
walk yet and since I haven't I can |
qualify as an eligible young man to |
talk astronomy, small talk calculus |
Or love. we made the proprietor nre |
a fellow once who claimed that col |
lege had given him these qualifica- |
TONS. He couldn't give his college
yell, and he didn't know what we were
laughing at when we caught a Uni
versity of Virginia fellow minus his |
frat pin, which was being used by |
girl at his table for the necktie of |
her cute little sailor COSTUME. The al
legged college student was a real ring |
err for he tried to increase his tips |
by playing on the sympathies of the
guests with a fwOrking-my-way-
through college story We had him
canned for tell you that there's
even honor among thieves-beg your |
pardon. / mean walters. Garcon, give I
us the check.
whats this?" Princeton, IL, fairly
yelled at the waiter. you're trying to
cheat us. Just cross out that last
bottle, which is conspicuous because
we didn't have it, and carry two in
stead of four there in the second line
yes, that's better
$50 you want a pourboire! You mac
aroni stick, don't you realize that
you're lucky without kick for the
way you have served us?"
And the three college student wait
ers peacefully departed, and the re-
porter at the next table noted that the
waiter almost knocked the Cornell
man down with an accidental bump.
Dnath Takes Il