davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

The harvest of instruction which
Mexico is reaping has grown from al
most universal ignorance and lack of
character. 1t is not possible to build
real republic on such foundation.
1t would require prophet indeed to
predict with any degree of accuracy
what will happen in the very near
future in that unfortunate country.
The outlook is discouraging, yet with
the right kind of people Mexico could
be one Of the most prosperous coun-
tries on earth.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12
WHISPERS VS.. BALD HEADS

The above portentous theme was de-
bated at the National Press club, with
Nick Longworth and Bob Taylor for
the bald heads, and Tom Carter and
Uncle Joe Cannon for the whiskerites.
Congressman Nick said whiskers
are lodgment for germs and other
herbivorae, Uncle Joe quoted Shakes
peare that "he that hath no beard is
less than man."
While wearing a beard is usually
considered merely matter of fashion,
yet certain underlying temperaments
lead men to adopt or reject it.
Whiskers are appropriate to phil.
osophic temperament. The man with
a long flowing beard gives an impress.
sion of calm retreat from strife and
turmoil. The beard must be appro
pirate to such temperament since II
is a great deal more common in the
country than in the city, rural sur
roundings being more conducive to re-
Elective philosophy.
Pure logic undoubtedly advises
whiskers. There is essentially nc
more reason for shaving the partic
ular hairs that ornament the chin than
for shaving those that surmount the
eye or that cover the scalp.
1t takes great deal of time tc
shave oneself, or if one is too indo
lent to propel the razor himself, he
must pay heavy tax to the barber
In the latter case, the hours spent in
the BARRIERS shop must in a veal
amount to nearly a week of working
time.
On the other hand, the smooth face
gives an impression of greater alert
ness. Alexander the Great instituted
shaving, so that his antagonists might
not be able to grasp his soldiers by
the hair. AS the hairless man looks
younger he feels younger, and very
likely more than gains the fifteen min
utes a day which the habit of shaving
costs him.
While the whiskerite can point t.
an illimitable number Of illustrious ex
amples, few young men of today are
wearing whiskers. 1t is an age FOL
speed, and a bewhiskered man run
ming for the train gives an impression
of nature at war with itself and it!
| surroundings.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12
MEXICO.

The action of Madero's insurrectos
in continuing the war without the con
sent of their commander, even after
every rebel demand upon the govern
ment had been met by President DiaZ
shows the class of men who have
spread revolution throughout Mexico.
1t demonstrates their inability to rule
themselves and shows the absurdity of
their demanding self government.
Mexico is today what Diaz has made
it. Many of the rebels are soldiers of
fortune seeking merely adventure.
Among this class are many irrespon-
sible Americans.
When Diaz announced that he would
resign, there seemed hope for imme-
diate peace. But while Madero, the
rebel commander, was sending tele-
grams to the president to tell him how
he had saved Mexico, Madero's own
loyal" followers were overthrowing
the command of their leader and fight
ing for the sake of satisfying their
lust for human blood.
Diaz has said he would lay down
the reigns of government when peace
is established He is almost too old
for the burdens of the government,
being over so. But for such men as
the insurrectos to succeed in getting
hold of the government of Mexico
would mean nothing short of a catas.
trophe.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

We usually think of a bank as a
place where money is deposited and
loaned, but bank is about to be es-
tablished in London which is not to
have a money capital. The COM
modify it is to handle is far more val
liable than gold or silver, for this
unique bank will deal in radium. In
the banks vaults there will be depos-
tied $250,000 worth of radium, which
will be loaned to physicians of ack-
nowledged standing and others, who
will deposit its value in money, pay
ing a certain sum for the loan. 1t is
less than eight years since radium
was discovered, and while it's value
is not yet fully known, it is already
of untold use to physicians. A flour
ishing business is anticipated by the
bank
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

say they consider such little journeys
the national game.
A man isn't as henpecked as posi-.
BILE until his wife begins to pick out
his clothes.
You haven't had insomnia in its
worst form until you attempt to sleep
with a flea.
There is so much disloyalty that a
man can attract favorable attention
these days by simply sticking up for
his own town.
Although Americans claim to be n
very busy people, lodge usually
manages to send delegates to the
state conventions.
There isn't anything to him." said
one man concerning another this
morning. There isn't anything to the
majority of us.
Speaking of jumping from the skill.
let into the stove. there is the gent
who takes to chewing tobacco as an
antidote for smoking
You needn't conquer anything more
ferocious than meal ticket to be a
conquering hero in the eyes of the
woman who loves you.
With the exception of those who
think they may some day have a
chance to entertain one, pretty nearly
leveryone hates duke.
While the coroner's jury may serve
a useful purpose, it probably would
take a better detective than the cor
oners jury to locate it.
When a small town, with neither
factories nor jobbing houses, builds q
100000 clubhouse, the town is grow
ing at the wrong end.
Sometimes a married woman vii
say, in the meanest way, in speaking
of woman who has never married;
She is just as well Off"
A man who keeps a monograph OF
piano should consider the musicians
union and the neighbors and insist OF
very little overtime playing.
Anyone can get a job searching fol
hidden treasure, but like writing eX
clusively for posterity, there is con
siderable difficulty in collecting the
salary.
If all epitaphs stuck close to the
l truth, you would occasionally encoun
ter something like this in tombstone
literature: "Its quiet out here, but HI
enjoys it; he was talked to DEATH"
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Simon Guggenheim of Colorado is
on the senate committees on public
lands and conservation. Mr.. Guggen-
helm has long ago been regarded as
one of the most successful conserva-
tors of the age. He conserves it in
the family safety deposit box.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12
MAY.DAY AND LABOR

On May 2, 1911, a leading metro.
politan newspaper printed dispatches
from only three American cities, Civ
ing reports of labor troubles, which
traditionally are apt TO center about
May day.
These three were the strike OF Penn
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

President Taft told the peace con-
ference that we want no mere alien
territory. If other people want us to
give them good government, they
must pay the market price for these
costly goods we have been giving
away free.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12
HUNTER MAY FILL BILL.

Pirates New FIRST Baseman Playing a
Brilliant Game.
Much interest is being taken in the
work of Fred Hunter. Pittsburg's new
first baseman. According to Manager
Fred Clarke. his new guardian of bag
No. is the goods and will improve
as the season advances. For seven
years first base has been the one big
weak spot on the Pirates, and every
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Postmaster General Hitchcock wants
to try one cent postage in the District
of Columbia. Better make it easier
for the people to write to ofiiceholders
instead of for the Office holders to
write to the people.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

The principal test for candidates IN
the election of 1912 is going to be
their ability to cram good legislation
down the throats of the bosses so far
that it will sqush out of their boot
heels
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

FRED HUNTER, PIRATES NEW FllST BASE-
MAN.
year there has been q fresh expert.
ment, and every year before the echoes
Of "Aha-at last" have died away the
agents of the club are digging through
the bushes for new material. But this
season it appears different
One year it was Clancy; another year
1t was Swacina, then Abstein, who
was followed by Flynn. This season
the Pirates hope is Fred Hunter, and
the average tenancy of the initial
sack berth in recent years has been
less than II single season. From the
players point of view the pillow has
been graveyard of baseball ambi-
tons. Clancy. Swacina and Abstein
have gone back. OF the four who have
cavorted around the cushion in as
many years Jack Flynn alone remains
in the elite circle, fighting for prestige
and place.
Hunter has been holding the bag in
fine style since the season opened. He
is Il splendid thrower, handles the pegs
well and covers a great deal of ground,
His batting could be improved upon,
but he gives promise. Hunter started
out on his baseball career as pitcher
for the ChillicOthe (OD team. He tWiTl
ed good bail. He then took up play
ing the initial sack and made good
from the start Last year he was with
the Kansas City team, and Ire was
generally regarded as the best first
baseman in the American association.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

In the early days of temperance re.
form, we used to hear about Ten
Nights in a Barroom." Our gilded
youth of today are more inclined to
ten bar-rooms in a night.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

April showers were scarce this year
over the bulk of the country, and the
people who have run off with their
neighbors' umbrellas have delivered
themselves to the enemy of souls for
nought.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

When ten or dozen tramps get
camped outside the city limits, rumors
get around within an hour or so that
there are at least seventy-five desper-
ADDE'S preparing for a concentrated at
tack upon the city.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Seventeen Baltimore students have
offered to be subjects to test a cancer
cure, while most of us cross the street
to avoid friend who has recently
had the measles.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Reciprocity is said to be sure OF
fifty-iive votes in the senate, but nine
ty-two senators have speeches which
must first be inferred in the Congress.
sonal Record.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Labor troubles used to prevail May
day, but the workingman realizes
pretty well now that when he strikes
he usually hits his wife and children
first.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Solomon's crown is said to have
been found by archaeologists. Per
haps King George could buy it cheap
at second hand, instead of having to
invest in a new one.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

that in the foreign section on the east
side. Money doesn't seem to have an
affinity for the high birth rate in New
York.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

This is a time of great danger to
health, when the housecleaners incite
the germs to go rampaging all over
the house, when before they were rest
ing quietly as harmless as kittens.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Alfred Austin is writing a corona
ton ode, which relieves us of the fear
that he will offer us any spring poetry
before 1912.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Twenty-one nations give Carnegie a
gold medal for promoting peace. If
they don't look out he will try to work
off a library on some of them.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

A Jap ball team from Waseeda uni
versity is beating our western college
teams. This a portentous sign of
the decline of American education.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

New York is said to be facing a
water famine, but they'll never know
the difference on the Great White
Way.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Possibly on days when there are no
ball games and some time during the
summer, the senate will begin to de-
bate the reciprocity treaty.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

The per capita circulation of money
is $3455, and if the socialists would
quit talking about a dizzy and go to
work, it might be $34.56.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

The fashion plates continue to mod
ell women after peg-top, but the
great majority of sensible womanhood
never gets far from the bell outline.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Our people are travelling thousands
of miles to see the coronation, while
sensible Londoners are preparing to
take to cover until the racket is over.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Andrew Carnegie told the peace
conference that Britain is his mother
land and America his wifeland. He
seems to have married his own sister.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Socialist Berger has moved to abol-
ish the senate. He should not give
up hopes of getting into it so early In
the game.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

If the democrats had any idea that
some of their measures could become
law, they might stop to read them
over before voting for them.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Now the students are rioting in
Mexico. The liberal culture of our
colleges is acquiring an international
influence.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

The humane minded person now
goes out. to plant a tree in order that
future generations of caterpillars shall
not suffer the pangs of hunger.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Hobble skirts can not be worn at
the coronation festivities, and many
of our feminine tourists will be wish
ing they had remained at home
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Former Senator Beveridge is now
mentioned for ambassador to Ger
many. 1t is about time we had a
book about Germany.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

]. p. Morgan paid $4,000 for a
Latin letter Martin Luther wrote, and
we have doubts if Mr.. Morgan can
read it at that
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

BY the time the democratic house
reaches Schedule X, the wool men
will wish they could put an o ahead
of the X.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

n ten per cent of the gardens that
are planted every spring materiallzed
what beautiful world this would be.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12
AROUND TOWN.
Those new putting plots on the golf
links aren't as green as they look.

The senate is progressing. 1t won't
begin work until p m. There seems
to be foundation for the hope that
by and by it won't meet at all.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Bangor and It's cigaret promise to
go down to history with Chicago and
Mrs. OLeary's COW.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

The principal business of the queen
of the May nowadays is to get the
dust out of the parlor rug.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Print a want ad telling what II Is
and what youll sell it for-and "tu-u
It into money"
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12
The Mayor Please Take Note.

If we were to become grandfather,
we'd set up the cigars to the Around
Town department.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

If it is worth 81 to be cured it's
worth many times that amount to keep
we'll Look after your habits and diet.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Everyone hears about it when the
book beer season begins. Does any
one happen to know when it ends?
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Girls are very seldom satisfied with
the names their parents gave them,
but boys don't fuss about such trifles.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Mexico in pieces" sounds more to
the point than peace in Mexico"
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Now that the war is over, we're see
ing some ripping battles.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

The birth rate in the American sec.
ton OF New York is one-eighth of
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

A sportsman is a man who goes to
the most trouble to catch fish, and
gets the fewest fish for his efforts.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

We've been advised TO keep the
trees we'll watered but can't comply,
Confound it, we haven't any well
water.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

While a shoemaker is apt to talk
politics good deal, it is safe to as
sumo that he knows more about half
soles.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

We knew all along that MeXico's
warning factions would come to terms
of peace, before that cold had sub
sided. The rebels and federals have
met in peace conference, and terms
named, but personally we're still using
up eight white flags day without the
slightest sign that the germs are will
ling to quit fighting.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Note to Intending Suicides: 1t
would be a great accommodation to
The News if you would give this paper
an advance tip when you get ready to
carry out your plan. We spent 50 in
telephone calls the other afternoon
trying to verify rumor that a former
Norfolk man had shot himself, and
never got any verification at that.
We'd be willing to pay small COM
mission to those planning to shoot
themselves, for advance information.
All such information, of course, would
be regarded as strictly confidential.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Are all French aviators nance
Rene?
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Some of the snobs seem to get a
good deal of fun out of it, so, per
haps, others shouldn't complain.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

While it is well to observe the speed
limits, if you must hurry some, rush
your work instead of your eating.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

1t is our observation that most o.
the garden hose leaks.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

You can't always tell which side OF
a fight will get the worst of it until q
peacemaker dips in; then he's it.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

You haven't had insomnia in it's
worst form until you attempt to sleep
with flea
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

A woman, being patient, may listen
to reason if you don't also insist that
she be reasonable about it,
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

If you must tell lie, say business
is good when IL isn't.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Time to NOV the lawn.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

The o. f. plagiarist is not yet oblit-
Grated. Like the fly, though often
swatted, he succeeds in coming back.
For example, the Around Town col
umn on April % said: whats be-
come of the old fashioned girl who
stuck gum under the dining room Ia
BILE during meal time?" And on Fri
day, May 5, the Chicago Tribune's
Line-O.Type man, B. l.. T., printed
this in his column: What, by the
way, has become of the o. f. girl who
used to stick her gum under the din
ing room table," Apparently the
Tribune is in need of help.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

When a girl picks a raveling off
young mans coat it is about the sam
thing as proposing to him.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

If woman can afford it, she is
languid If not, she is lazy.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12
ATcHisoN GLOBE SIGHTS.

ATcHlsoN GLOBE SIGHTS.
A dog very often disgraces dogs.
If man really has money, he de-
MES It,
If you must tell lie, say business
is good when 1t isn't.
1t is our observation that most of
the garden hose leaks.
If woman can afford it, she is
languid; If not, she is lazy.
The town COW would have more
friends if she wasn't so blamed indie
pendent.
After a drouth there is certain
satisfaction in being caught out in
the rain.
What has become of the old.fash-
toned man who called dance a
"shin-dig?"
No one, who does not play the
game, and very few who do, can spell
"schaafskopf."
Most dogs would refrain from
| chasing cats If the cats were not SO
willing to run.
to, ,r hA oh ho1.
lot if it will result in getting the re.
turns any earlier.
Not shooting at tradition any, there
are a number of. horses that kick
worse than mules.
Time is not so blamed precious
| that you are warranted to save it by
growing whiskers.
| You don't know much about poll
tics unless you know enough not tC
take it too seriously.
| If you are energetic enough tc
make money by trickery you can make
more by honest effort.
| If a man CANDLES and loses, he
doesn't fool anyone when he says he
only plays for pastime.
There is too much borrowing in the
average family, not to mention the
average neighborhood.
How would you like to live in 6
country so slow people have time tc
travel on a canal boat.
We also admit some difficulty il
understanding the man who pays rea
money for water cress.
Don't expect your neighbors to share
any pride you may feel in the accom-
plishments of a parrot.
A don't worry" maxim: Rhubarb
which nobody worries about, invari
ably makes a good crop.
Many men who can tie handsome
bows in their neckties have never &C
complished anything else.
If, as the women aver, men are M
account, why do women insist OF
wearing mannish clothes?
When a girl picks raveling off {
young mans coat it is about the same
thing as proposing to him.
A woman, being patient, may lister
to reason if you don't also insist tina
she be reasonable about it.
Some of the snobs seem to get {
good deal of fun out of it, so, per
haps, others shouldn't complain.
You can't always tell which side o
a fight will get the worst of it until ;
peacemaker dips in; then he's it.
While it is well to observe the speed
limits, if you must hurry some, rusl
your work instead of your eating.
A sportsman is a man who goes t
the most trouble to catch fish, ant
|, gets the fewest fish for his efforts.
, Everyone hears about it when tn,
book beer season begins. Does any
one happen to know when it ends?
, Girls are very seldom satisfied will
the names their parents gave them
but boys don't fuss about such trifles
= If it is worth So to be cured it.
| worth many times that amount to keel
. well. Look after your habits and diet
= While a shoemaker is apt to tall
, politics a good deal, it is safe to as
sumo that he knows more about hal
soles.
| While plenty of children SHOULD
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

News want Rds are effective.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12
See il This'II Work

To the grass seed: We dare you
to come out!
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

If man really has money, he de-
MES 1t.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

friends if she wasn't so blamed indie
pendent.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

While plenty of children should
treat their parents better, that isn't
one of the rules that won't work both
ways.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

If, as the women aver, men are n
account, why do women insist OF
wearing mannish clothes?
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

There is so much disloyalty that a
man can attract favorable attention
these days by simply sticking up for
his own town.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

say they consider such little journeys
the national game.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

A dog very often disgraces dogs.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

A man isn't as henpecked as posi-.
BILE until his wife begins to pick out
his clothes.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

After drouth there is certain
satisfaction in being caught out in
the rain.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Thanks, Old neutrality-suspicious..
Norfolk, Neb., May Around Town
Editor: Please accept this box of ci-
CARS, on the strength of my becoming
grandfather. Yours truly, j. F.
A Norfolk horse committed suicide
the other day. Now how did that
horse know anything about the in
creased cost of living? Just horse
sense, probably.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Every town has a few people who
seem to consider going to funerals a
popular pastime; one might almost
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

Many men who can tie handsome
bows in their neckties have never &C
complished anything else.
The Norfolk weekly news-journal., 1911-05-12

While men are somewhat cOwardly
it is not recalled that fear of a rail
road wreck ever kept any of them a
home.