davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
Undoing of Mr.. Uplift
BY LAFAYETTE PARKS

'Dr. Lowell of Harvard, in a plea for the
uplift of the musical taste Of college
students strongly dlsapproves of the So
called class YELL" ventures Mr.. Uplift, in
an effort to turn hts sons mind away from
ragtime melody he is pounding out on
the installment plano.
These highbrows are always putting up
a big boiler about some other guys yell"
complains Son, hitting the worries a parting
thump as he makes for the easy chair to
show his parent wherein no IL wrong in
advocating musical reform,
HE contends that our musical express
sion is becoming fesbIer each year" re-
sumes Father.
81 never heard college yell 30 feeble
that It needed a orutoh to move down
Broadway. at that remarks Son, al
ways sounded to mo like the real big
noise"
"Dr. Lowell declares the kind OF music
college men have at their annual dinners
is positively sad" argues Father.
IF the Doc wants to hear some of the
real sobby stuff torn out by the roots"
suggests Son, '1et him live in a New York
twenty family apartment houEe in the good
old summer time when the windows are all
! open. With pianos renting at three buck a
month. even the unmarried skirts can at
| ford TO make life miserable Tor all the
neighbors. II he could hear one of those
DANES sing Sisters Teeth Are Plugged
with Zinc" playing her own acoomppsni-
] ment with one nitt and curling her hair
with the other. that Harvard hiEhbrow
would certainly weep like a newborn baby"
| "Tn his criticism" replies Father, gasping
for breath. out friend makes particular
mention of the lack Of emotion in the pres
emit day popular music"
I've seen 1t stir up enough emotion
among the guys that had TO listen" retorts
Son, ito bring enough bricks as an encore
| TO build one of those Bronx two-family
dwellings, with all modern Inconvenience
at $3.50 a month. No elocution teacher
could ever pull off more poses showing
! fear, dismay, hate, anger revenge and so
| forth, than strong men have been known
| TO exhibit when cornered lat a birthday
| party in a Brooklyn flat where all the little
rubber plants havr sung and played on the
one-dollar-down and two-a-month upright"
Il must agree with the learned Doctor
when he sharply scores what Is termed
ragtime melody, which seems 20 be the
| favorite form OF song among young women
| the air of one administering a singing re-
buke.
! AS for me" decides SON I'D rather
| have EN- sing in ragtme than to chew the
rag any time For one thing in it's favor,
| they Iote th~ir voices quicker when burst
/ ing int, song Even the skirts long holders
! of the champ medal for toying with the
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14

is dawning time, they can be induced TO
wca, less expensive mutations
January is a month whOye influence IL
always toward ambitious projects, and the
desire to achieve Great things and TO render
oneself famous comes 10 the lowIy as well
as to the highly placed. Even a modest
bOotbIack born in January will always be
found anxious 10 shine.
The birth stones Of January are white
onyx, ruoies ana the moonstone and they
should be regarded with reverence. You
should especially remember that n you live
In glass house YOU should not throw
stones Of this hnd under any circum-
stances, since such an acJ would smack OF
ostentation, not 10 say vulgarity. The chief
value Of alwaya having one OF your birth
stones IN your possession az a talisman is
shown by the inyariable experience Of those
who have never found themselves face to
face with hopeless ruin 10 long a. they
possess one OF thsm-Auns warFihrtaH
Witherup In HsTpsFs Weekly
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14

rag chewing game, get tagged out by mid
night singing ragtime in oatoh-as catch
can songfest with one of those double tin
boiler pianos"
"One OF the Professors chief complaints
in this connection" further explains
Father" Is the tendency of college students
to, indulge in what It calls organized cheer
ing, He says it is bad for the throat"
III the RAN Rah boys never took any,
thing in the cheer line worse than a mouth
full OF yell. believe me, they'd never have
to call in q plumber to fix their pipes" as
serts Son I've seen several punches OF
those New Haven kiddos do the gridiron
rush down the Great White Way, looking
for good places to lean their elbows on 10
cheer and get cheered. Most OF EN- were
so busy naming their favorite melody 10
the barkeep, they didn't have time to strain
their voices with the rough stuff yell"
For my part" firmly decided Father, IT
am of the same opinion with DR.. Lowell.
that the music Of our boyhood days was
better than II is now"
We're growing better songs in the back
yards Of New York every day now than
they used to-" challenges Son, "and ! can
prove IT,"
81 must be convinced OF that statement
10 believe it, Father insists. Il fail 10
see how It can be-"
We'll" saws Son, with malice afore-
thought you never had any music lit to
can in the old days and now we can every
1 thing. And there you are, Can you beat
it,"
/ Father refused to try.
| copyrighted, 1911, by the n. Y Herald Coz
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14

In all matters social. as we'll az business.
promptness Is essential. That queries or
demands must be answered Immediately
in business. a girl learns speedily, II she
is a working woman, because any failure
to respond at once brings her reprimand
or worse.
But In social affairs she cannot be repri-
manded save sometimes by old friends,
and some girls never learn the Importance
of being punctual in accepting invitations
or acknowledging gifts In either case she
cannot be too prompt. This statement APP
plies to all situations where an answer OF
any kind is required
A query not infrequently received from
girls who are about TO be married Is, 'How
soon shall they acknowledge their wedains
gifts?"
The day on which a present is received
Is none too soon to write a note Of thanks
10 the sender. To delay is to give an APP
pearance OF Indifference that the average
bride cannot afford to indulge in. For ex-
ample one bride of this winter, whose so
clsl engagements Immediately preceding
her marriage and the number Of gifts she
received both were 80 great that all pres
ents could not be acknowledged before she
went on her wedding trip, was considered
rude because not until a week afterward
did she thank the gvers,.
Christmas presents anu birthday gifts
must be responded to Immediately
Invitations should be accepted or de-
cined I'm the mail following that in which
they are received. To delay or to answer
indefinitely is the worst possible form, Fol
example. a married woman and her nus
band were invited to dinner this winter
and such long time went by without q
response that the hostess telephoned tC
know II the invitation had been received.
Il had been, she was told but the othel
woman had waited TO see her husband
would be free 10 accept The delay spoiled
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
1er Huchond'o Voioa Almost Chidlke in His
nv AwEEE NAN Love for the Simpler Things of Life
BY AMERE NAN.

The post graduate husbAud-so called be
cause there was nothing he didn't know
about women-looked up suddenly from the
evening paper
There's another society woman ar
rsigned for taking goods from a depart
ment store! How Is II that men are never
arrested for shoplifting2' he asked with
a finality which indicated that no answer
was possible.
Because they are too busy wrecking
banks, ! suppose" replied the Amateur
wife. You know one Of the oldest accu-
stations against our sex II that we have
mind for detail How silly Il Is to waste
time beating a car conductor out OF
nickel when you might be getting away
with millions OF the depositors' money!"
But I'm in earnest" the Post Graduate
Husband replied. u don't suppose any one
would maintain seriously that women are
as honest as mem
"Oh no. dear!' the Amateur wife repu-
dated How could they when only five
per cent OF the people in jen are women?
Wasn't II Lombroso who said that practi-
cally there are no women criminalsT
The Italians are a romantic nation" re-
piled the Post Graduate Husband. I'm
sure there's more poetry than truth even
in their statistics. Besides. you know very
well that the people in jail are only five
per cent OF those that should be therev'
But somebody has to stay outside TO
be able to pay taxes to keep the jail go
ing" the Amateur wife protested. 'wo-
men do a lot Of that. We're the victims
OF taxation without representaton-even
in the jails"
Women are petty grafters by natureP
replied her Husband. But they are not
M n
hundred eager Competitors keeping tabs
on their slightest deviation from the
plumb line Of righteousness"
No" admitted the Amateur wife. they
haven't Competition is by no means 20
limited Every woman has every other
woman for a competitor from the cradle
TO the grave. But what makes you say
women are grafters?"
Suddenly her tone changed! Her voice
grew strangely eaEerl Her eyes wonder
fully keen!
mo wife is a heroine to her husband"
he replied easily 1.-The proper study OF
mankind is woman and I've had you for
an object lesson for several years"
do you mean 10 say that would graft
in any particular inquired the indignant
lady.
How much money did you lose to me at
pinoohle last night?" retored the prose
cutting attorney
But you said / needn't pay IT," pouted
the Amateur wife. You know you did
! started 20 run and get my pocketbook-
You started to crawl after IT," the Post
Graduate Husband amended And / saw
that Il would almost kill you TO pay The
money! II always breaks a woman's hear
TO settle her gambling debts--so l let you
off"
TI'u pay II now flashed the lady
Just you wait a minute"
And her husband, with an amused ano
strangely tolerant smile waited while she
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14

and feel read mad cause my hair wasn't
exactly tidy hut that was all the Terror's
fault for having hid my comb in the bot
tom Of coal box, and as We had arr a
hundred dumped right IN on top OF il, it's
bound TO be a week fore We sees that
comb again.
Just afore the ledy went away she turns
round 10 teacher and says something bout
the classes helping up the masses. We
couldn't hear very we'll and couldn't
rightly understand; OF course we was the
the classes sitting there. but We couldn't
make out what the masses was tiu Peter
thought OF the babies He SAYS as there
are masses OF them. and being small like
they naturally do sit down In the gutter
and on the kerb; but We were sorry when
Peter thought OF that, for Il must mean
us having to carry them about more than
ever. We told Edie. and she saws IL means
raising up their minds. Anyway this won't
make yer arms ache so. and Edie knows
all about that sort OF thing, cause she
goes TO mission whenever she has a bit Of
new on she wants to show. So we have
been trying il on all day but being mis-
sionaries 70 babies Is very discouraging
work -Mariory Hsrdcastls IN cornhnI Mag
aEins.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
Curing EN- Quick

Upton Sinclair. apropos of a recent dis
cussion of Christian healing, said
''Pierpont Morgan, l see is dead against
any adoption of such doctrines by the
church. Well, Mr.. Morgan Is undoubtedly
right. At the same time. what good do
drugs accomplish?
"a very lean man once called on a doc
tor. " Doctor, he said, I want to get fat.
look like a living skeleton
1.-The doctor filled a bottle from a demi-
john, handed Il to the lean man, ans said;
This will fix you up. Take teaspoon
full after every meal At the same time
cat lots OF soup, red meat starchy veEe,
tables, cereals and sweets, and take no
violent exercise. Five dollars
IAN hour later a very fat man entered
the doctors office
Doctor he said, I want to be re
duced,'
] " This will fix you up said the doctor
filling another bottle from the same DENT
john. Take a teaspOonful after every
meal At the same time, eat no soup. re,
meat, starchy vegetables, cereals or sweets
and take lots Of violent exercise. Fiv,
dollars
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
January Philosophy

Infants born early in January must be
carefully nurtured, and should under no
circumstances be left out on the lawn, or,
II YOU live in city, permitted TO play
unattended on crowded thoroughfare until
at least 10 months old and not then unless
you have him under control bv means Of
a clotheslne and a series Of pulloys by
which he can nc removed from danger at
an instauts notice.
DO not try ID sway a burglar born ia
January from his ftl purposes by fisttery.
People born In this month are not sIs
ceptibe TO compliment. 20 that when this
Individual turrs up suddenly ALONGSIDE Of
your bed Al midnight lay no attention 20
him at ALL but anore as loudly as YOU can
until his back r. turned, when 81 YOU have
Il handy you may hit him on the head
with brick
Women born m January are 80 n rule
fond Of expensive furs, but owing 90 oer
tain prenatal influences which always pre-
yan IN the case Of those 20 whom January
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
WOMEN APs PETTY GeAFTERS 81
NATURE - SAID HER HUSBAND

disappeared In search of her pocketbook.
Grim was her expression Of determine
ton when she returned. Grim was the
clutch at the big black leather bag. And
pitiful in its resolute tragedy was the air
with which she extended limp dollar bill
81 think that's It, isn't it," she observed
with a desperate endeavor at casualness.
Her husband glanced with a certain ten
derness at the crumpled bill.
But" he said in his most matter of
fact tones. ITS dollar and forty cents
IN Ia ave TO 1--WE you the forty cents.
answered his wife family That's every
cent I've got"
Her voice was plaintive-her eyes Inn
ploring, but her bearing was of Spartan
resoutelness.
'In tell you what I'll do" announced
her husband magnanimoUsly. Get the
cards and wen cut for the money You
see, you might win 1t all back from me
tonight II 1 had time to play-so wei
cut"
with strange alacrity the amateur wife
obeyed.
you cut firstw she said extending the
pack of cards to her husband. And re-
member" she added, gleefully. IF 1 win
don't have to pay you a cent?!
Ace is high" sad the post graduate
husband, and cut king.
The amateur wife, after many mysteri
Gus rites and ceremonies, severed the pacl
with a high-handed sweep and turned &
nine.
For a moment her face showed a blanI
dismay. They quickly she pushed the card
toward her husband.
Best two out Of three of course" sh
announced smiIlngly IT'S your turn"
The post graduate husband cut.
What else was there left for him to do
Also that time and in the determining
trial. he lost like a gentleman
"You win" he exclaimed finally.
The lady seized the regained dollar witt
a wise like grip.
You'll never say women are CRATER
again, will your dear?" she asked
No" answered her husband solemnly
Never again!"
Copyright. 1911, by the N. Y Herald Co,
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
Polly Hitchin-Her Book

can't believe as now we could have all
gone 10 school and never suessed that this
was going TO be the most exciting day what
ever was. II seemed just ike every other
das AN d,ctation, and had Just got rarely
into trouble through spelling scissors with
three Us and two SIS when all OF a sud
0cn In comes the head mistress. and there
was sWishug and road sweeping
sort OF a noise, and smell Hike what's
I'm the scent machines and I'm walks a
beautiful lady. lie dress was all silk and
satin. not bit the sort OF stuff that Edie
buys what only looks like silk whilst it's
IN the shop Window-and that's ed a yard;
30 the lady's must have been "A good Bit
more.
Boz lady sets TO and makes a speech, and
sine SAYS as she was going 20 give every
ono a book and we'd all got TO write a
d.asl. Just about the things We do and
thinks, and the best one Is going TO have
a prize. seems queer like seeing We does
just the same as every body else; but It's
gomg 10 he a rare job. FOR 10 has all got
tp be neat and tidy like and IN the sort
OF English what's in hooks-teacher says
what we talks down here Isn't English
a. an.
Then ~ We an EOss and sets the books,
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
~. Rev. Joseph L. Guernsey, Pastor Diets
Gemorial Methodist Episcopal Church.

BY, Rev, Joseph L. Guernsey, Pastor Diets
Memorial Methodist Episcopal Church
and yet the heavenly kingdom will be the
perfected and glorious kingdom OF God.
We cannot say that all members Of the
kingdom Of God are members OF the
church. nor that all members of the church
are members OF the kingdom Of God.
Church membership alone does not make
one a disciple of Christ.
Churchmen have now and then erected a
wall Of separation between themselves and
the masses of humanity, thus depriving
mankind outside the church of the spirit
ual benefits of Gods kingdom. The citizens
Of the kingdom and the members Of the
church have a personal mission to every
troubled, suffering. erring, SHINING brother
in this world. The borders Of the Christian
church do not indicate the borders of God :
kingdom.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
GA LITTLE SERMON FOP THE WEEK ENDS

Fuur-Some have thought the kingdom TO
consist in good works-in morality. This,
however will appear unreasonable when We
consider that it is Gods kingdom. not a
kingdom OF man, not Of this world. A
kingdom without God can never be the
kingdom Of God. one may do good works
and may be moral in ali relations to his
fellow men and still be an ungodly person.
Christ insists upon the new birth, the birth
from above, the life Of God in the soul OF
man.
The kingdom Of God consists in four vital
elements in individual and in social life.
These elements are stated by Paul in
Romans 14:l7-"For the kingdom Of God Is
not meat and drink. but righteousness, and
peace, and JOY in the Holy Ghost"
Many agencies contribute to the upbuild-
ing OF the kingdum-the home, sending
forth people into the world and forming
character in these people; the church Of
Christ, teaching the law and the gospel and
leading men TO the knowledge of their
Saviour; the SCHOOL, educating youth in
the knowledge of Gods world. In the prin-
ciples OF good citizenship. in the obligR-
lions of humanity; the press, distributing
intelligence, principles, data and the gospel;
fraternities, relieving the distress of suf-
ferers and teaching more or less the obli-
cations Of Observation-Disclosures agencies and
many more contribute to the advancement
| Of the Kingdom Of God among men. The
J kingdom Is larger than any of its contrib
uting agencies and includes them ALL The
church. while the most important OF the
i contributing forces, must readily welcome
all cooperation. The kingdom does not ex-
list for the church, but the church does exist
] for the kingdom. All contributing agencies
exist for the kingdom and must be true to
: the ideals and principles of that for which
they exist.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
Be Prompt in Answering Social Notes

the dinner party, because the day follow
ing, the woman invited wrote to say that
her husband was unable to accept, and 80
they must decline. II was too late for the
hostess to ask another couple to fill the
two.
Under such circumstances the woman in
vited should have declined the instant the
invitation was received. 1t is never just
to the hostess to wait IL there is the least
shadow Of doubt
RosANNA SCHUYLER.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
Danea Talee nov Nnmes.

The Danish government recently found It
necessary to grant heads Of families the
privilege of changing their names II they
feel so disposed without mourning any
legal costs. This is q necessary piece of
legislation, for the population of Denmark
Is divided into three great olans-the Han
sens, the Petersens and Soersnsens In
one town of 900 Inhabitants over four
fifths bore one or the other Of these names
Many OF these have taken advantage OF
the new law and assumed more distinctive
names.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
Some Silhouettes of the Sidewalk
BY BOBBIE BABBLE.

Mid rumble of carriages, roar Of carts,
ClanE of trolley and motor shrek,
Groans of the IL" as It stops and starts,
Noise and tumult from week to week.
Firm in q tide that Gibbs and flows:
Calm in the midst of confusion and din
There stands the giant whom every one
knows,
one of the finest-Daniel Rim.
The timid old lady afraid to cross,
The Riddles late on their way to school,
The countryman with a beard like moss
The spinster lady aloof and cold
The lad with a limp, the smiling girl,
The man who creeps on a crippled shin
They pause and wait at the crossings
whirl,
They all depend upon Daniel Rim.
And Daniel smiles in his kindly way
And points the passers-by east or west
Downtown, uptown, throughout the day
With a nod to a friend and a passing jest
But when a crook comes lettering by
A frown succeeds the good natured grin
With an angry Eash in his clear, cold eye
Just keep on walking" says Daniel
Rim.
The reckless chauffeur applies his brake
AS he rushes over to Herald Square; q.
He knows full we'll what care to take,
And who Is watching lynx-eyed, there.
Cabby and carter and motormAn,
Fat old ooaohmen and footman thin,
Ride past as rapidly as they can
Now then, go easy" says Daniel Rim.
And 30 from the early hours till late
The traffic and wayfRrers hurry past,
And Dan at his post keeps them going
straight
Till the long days labor is done at last.
Then home at his own hearthstone sits he.
With the night without and warmth
within.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-01-14
Ambitious Willie.

When While Jones was only eight,
Folks said he'd win renown,
Declaring that he worked 80 late
You could not keep him down,
But VIII an airship built one day.
He thought he'd win a cup.
Folks smiled and quickly changed their
lay
You could not keep him up,-Judge,
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1911-08-25
THE BRATTLEBORO REFORMER, FRIDAY, AUGUST 25, 1911

and Mrs, c. j, Stone, and other friends
this week
Rev. and Mrs. A. f. Phelps returned
Thursday from Alton Bay. " H.. where
they have been attending the Advent camp
meetings.
Mrs. Harry Freeman returned 10 her
home in Brattleboro Tuesday, leaving
her aunt. Mrs. W. II. Newton. much i'm.
proved in health.
Levi Palmer has finished work for j..
a, Beers and is now staying a short time
with his sister, Mrs, Charles Spear,
before leaving for his home in the west.
Carey Tyler returned 10 his home in
Bristol, Conn, Wednesday, after hay.
ing spent most OF his summer vacation
with his uncle and aunt, Mr., and Mrs.
w, II. Newton.
Regular church services will be resumed
next Sunday and il is hoped there will be
q good attendance, IL is expected that Mr..
Phelps will have something TO say regard
ing the credenee TO be given newspaper re-
ports
l.. w, Brown is attending the board
of health meeting in Burlington this
week. From there he expects 10 90 10
South birmingham, Mass, TO stay over
SuhudN dhu meet Mfs, bIoWh' VINO mas
been having two weeks vacation with
their daughter Mrs. Mary Eames. Mr..
and Mrs. Brown expect to return home
next Monday.
W. II. Newton returned home Tues.
day having been called 10 Worcester
last week ON account of death and
burial of his aunt, Mrs. Elvira Hough'
| ton. She was sister TO his father, the
late William A. Newton. She died lust
one year lacking one day from the time
her brother died. both dying suddenly
from heart trouble.