Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-09-07
PERSONAL.

PERSONAL.
Percival W.-Yes, pegtop trousers
are much worn this season, particularly
around the bottoms.
Club Woman-The heaviest reading
natter we know Of is Webster's die
tionary. We saw one once that
weighed 10 pounds.
A. j. W.-You ask IL there is any
such thing as a real milk stew. Oh,
Yes indeed. there is If you take the
milk in the form of a punch.
Worried-1f you neighbours phono-
graph annoys you day and night, have
ing lessons on the slide trombone.
Anxious-Yes 1t is quite roper for
you to wear a silk hat during business
hours. that is, If you are in the bust
ness of selling corn salve or encyclo-
pedias.
Sylvia-Your case is indeed a sad
one, but our advice to you is to cheer
up. He may not always be driving a
hack for a livery stable. No. indeed.
He may lose his job.
Sylvia-Yes. Sylvia. dear. You GER
tainly can remove that spot from the
front of your silk dress. Take a pair
of sharp shears n cut carefully
around the spot n we can guarantee
you that it will never return.
Mrs. l.. W.-Do not worry. dear
madam. The project of a New Zealand
minister now visiting in this country,
to tattoo all married women on the chin
will never work out. They do not hold
their chins still long enough.
Amateur-Yes, there is one sure way
of getting Il short story accepted by a
magazine beside marrying into the edi-
tors family, and that is to buy the ma
jcrity of stock in the magazine and
place a personal friend at the head OF
Mazie-You say you want to remove
a wart which is on your thumb so that
it will never come back. That is very
easy. Lay your thumb on a block and
give 1t - smart tap with a sharp hatch
ct between yourself and the wart. and
he wart will never return.
Peroival-The best way to write a
love letter to another mans wife is
to write it with invisible ink and then
just before sending it. tear it into fine
tits, touch a match to it and hold the
ashes in your hand out in the wind
until thc.Y have all blown away.
-
THE HANDY MAN.
ELL Simins was quite a handy man at
any sort of trick.
Could tinker up u balky watch or fix
a Windmill quick,
Could white fancy or doc
tor up a calf,
Or shoe q horse with lightnin' speed
or run a photograph.
An artist too. with chalk and brush,
quite wonderful was he.
The only thing ELL couldn't o.aw was
just a salary.
Bill Simms could make a dandy churn
that surely did the work,
Could build an automobile that would
run without a jerk.
Could make a set of bobsleighs tina
would III as slick as grease,
Could cut q pair of trousers that
would always hold their crease,
But n thing that Bin couldn't make
at all. to save his life
He couldn't make a Twin for himself
n kids and wife.
Eill simms could play the Violin and
Amos any horn,
Could initiate each bird or beast that
ever had been born.
The folks kept him busy dom odd Jobs
and all SIGH.
He had no time to settle down in order
to get rich.
His %neighbors all asked favors and he
never turned one down;
And Bill spent his declinin' years in
Twin on the town.
-
ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER.
Every Teller has got a lot of funny
relatives.
1t is a long lane that has no automo-
bile garbage.
One of the best skin foods 1 know OF
is the banana.
All men are born free and excl. but
some Of 'em get married.
When the straw hats begin to turn
yaller it is a sure sign Of approaching
fall.
About the only thing which has no
mission in this world is mission furni-
ture.
The only way to make a Twin with
out workin' at 1t is to marry q school
teacher.
Some fellers work for a living while
others get by with a silk hat and a
gold headed cane.
There amt an old maid in our town
who can remember the Spanish Ameri-
can war, IN a bet.