The Lamar register. [volume] (Lamar, Colo.) 1889-1952, 1911-01-11
DOING THE
IMPOSSIBLE

committee CHAIRMAN iSpedkluS
amid chaos)-"Dear me, It's ten
o'clock and Mrs. Smith hasn't sent
those table cloths yet. | declare it's
enough to drive any one crazy the
way people promise things and then
don't do them" ITO her son, aged
twelve, who has been pressed into
service under protest.) Tommy, you'll
have to go over to Mrs. Smiths and
get those table cloths We positive
ly can't wait to get the tables any
longer. for people may begin to come
as early as half past eleven. They
always do. you know. II you don't ex-
pect them and don't want them.
Tommy-Can't telephone. mother.
and ask her If she's got them ready
Chairman (f1rmly)-No. Tommy.
you can't. want you to go and get
them. Bring them back with you. you
understand?
Tommy-Aw, say. mother, why
can't ! telephone?
Chairman--Because say you can't.
Now hurry up. because we must have
those cloths right away.
Tommy tstarting for the door)-
Say. mother. I'm going to get Harry
to go with me. Can !, mother?
Chairman with decision)-No. you
can't Tt'll take too long
Tommy-Aw. mother. why can't II
II won't take minute to call for
him. Please. mother. can't 1?
Chairman-No. Tommy II you say
another word I'll have your father
whip you when he comes home -
ITnntpy ,nuttartp0l
Chairman-Now, wonder where
Miss Parks is with the spoons she
promised. She almost went down on
her knees to promise that she would
be here at nine o'clock, and it's half
past ten now | declare. never will
have anything to do with church
luncheon again. Nobody seems to
think II makes any difference whether
she does what she says she will or
not. I'm sure I'm just about distract
ed with IT all. ! wonder where Miss
Parks can be with those spoons,
Miss Parks tentering hastily)-Oh.
Mrs. Burton. I'm so sorry don't know
what to do. but couldn't gel but a
dozen OF those spoons. I've been bull
lying everybody know to try to
make them lend me spoons. I'll start
out on another trip right away. and
I'll surely bring you two dozen this
time Mr.. Henlow has some friends
who he thinks will lend us some and
he's going to take me to see them. 30
I mustn't wait a minute.
Chairman-Thst's the last she'll
ever think about spoons can count
on that. at least. That's the worst of
having a young bachelor for rec
tor I'm sure I'll be glad when Mr..
Henlow gets married and the girls
begin to think about something else.
(The door opens and a handsomely
dressed woman. followed by a maid
carrying a parcel, enters.)
Handsomely Dressed woman-How
do you do. Mrs. Burton' Put the
things down, Christine, and then hur-
~ home. I've brought the cake !
promised you. Mrs. Burton. but the
other things weren't ready. so you'll
have to send for them later
Chairman (distractedly)-But
haven't a soul to send. Mrs. Porter.
and | don't know how on earth I'll
ever get things ready. Half the
things haven't come yet It's always
the way, I'll never have anything TO
do with a church luncheon again.
always have all the work to do. and
then II things go wrong everybody
blames me.
Mrs. Porter (soothingly)-Well. of
course. when people aren't able to do
much financially always take It for
granted that they are glad OF the op-
a.. Iii hos. To- k.r
ways I'm really awfully sorry
cant let Christine stay with you and
help az | promised. but I have a guest
who Is coming unexpectedly for
luncheon and my other maid is III and
unable to do anything. Christine can
come after luncheon and help clear
the things away.
Chairman tscldiy)-No, | don't.
think trying to get people to do what
they say they'll do Is the hardest
part. II ever am foolish enough TO
undertake anything like this again
Mrs. Porter (unperturbed)-Yes. I
dare say 1t is trying. but things all
ways straighten themselves out The
principal thing is not to allow ones
self to become excited. Now must
40. but I'll certainly try to send
Christine around this afternoon As
for the other things promised. I'm
sure you can find somebody to send
for them You're 90 resourceful.
Goes out.)
Chairman twildly)-Oh. could
choke that woman!
During the next half hour there 10
a succession Of telephone excuses for
things not forthcoming and q kaleido-
scopic procession of people bringing
provisions or explanations for not
bringing provisions. At the end Of
the time the chairman IL almost IN
Mysteries When Tommy enters with
a small package she grsets him with
shriek.)
Chairman-Tommy. II you didn't
bring those table cloths I'm going to
die right here and now! Tommy. did
you bring those tablecloths?
Tommy brought one table cloth.
Mrs Smith says-
THE chairman sinks into a chair
and weaps violently for q few min
utes. Then she rises like a phoenix
from the ashes of her despair, con-
lures out Of infinite space table cloths.