davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
$al|z9

bouquet labelled From Your Party
When Hon. Alt attempt TO smell OF this
he is struck in nose by gasolene- squirt.
This toy are very witty. For X-Con-
gresham Tawney I have manufactured
bottle OF cocktails distinctually mark
ed. Fortify Your Canal with This
Hon. Fred Townsend Martin shall re-
ceive pill-box containing a genuine
cockroach marked, Il know Society. /
was born in it, 1 have a photo OF Jo-
Uncle ready to send to Pres DiaZ with
following epitaph: It's the Insurrecto
that spelling our business Hon. Pier
pont Morgan shall be presented with a
real photo OF Hon. Sarah Bernhard en-
titled Hand-painted French antique
And so UPWARDS"
Hon. April Fool tuck all them giggles
back in suit case and prepare TO depart
off.
You are a magnificent Work Of
like the ocean and loud like the thunder.
You are like the Colosseum, Like the
Great Pyramids. Like Eddie Foy-I
reverence you for the antiquity OF your
humor. but 1 should never insult your
jokes by laughing at them
~
Hon. April Foolish thank me by say.
ing nothing.
But at lastly, when he was departinH
off, he report with coy elbows,
Togo. now that you can fully depreci-
ate the great Work I am doing, could
you use your influence at Washington
to make my anniversary a Legal Holi-
day."
II shall see what" I renig with At
torney Wickersham expression OF eye
glasses. So he evaporate with. a weary
pun.
Dear sir, please to make April fool
legal holiday & obliged"
This was II words wire telegram from
me to Hon. Taft:
Dear sir, am attempting TO reform
Republican party which is sifficient
jokes for one year without calling ex-
ira session. Collect"
This were 20 words reply for my ex-
pense. After me & Nogi had obtained
Sufficient cash-pay for this message we
stood silently with referendum express
sion.
Hoping you are the same
Yours truly,
HASHIMURA TOGO.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
a43S> flA5nnNURA Io>o=DETECTTVE 3 q
GxX ~~~kY MzzkAA(1g MRNZW &-=e ~

Have you some samples of humor-
istick literature suitable to great menu
I ask it.
Hon. Apr. Fool open his gigglng suit
led distinctually "RECIPROCITY.'
II have manufactured this box for
special order of Hon. Champ Clark to
be delivered to Hon. Wilt Laurier Of
Canada on morning of Apr. H. report
him. 1T is especially screaming be-
cause of what is inside of it."
What could be inside of that Rec
iprocity Box?' ask me & Nogi ensem-
BILE
Press button, please" snuggest Hon.
Foolish.
We make press to button On Hon.
Box-and ouch, One wooden green
devil jump forthly with horns. He was
distinctually labelled ANNEXATION"
"Will this not scare some English
statesmans like ghosts?" I otter.
Nothing is too brutal for April Fool"
he report.
Have you some more bright rebukes pa
I sally forth.
Hon. A. Fool dip down into suit case
and haul forthly one letter distinctually
labelled tFOR SENATOR GUGGEN-
Helm, COLORADO" 1t read thusly:
APR. 1, 1911
Dear Gugg:-
Have changed my mind about every
thing. Conservation a mistake. The
national resources belong to them who
find them Am with you in all you do
and little bit more. You are well
come to Alaska. Ossawatome speech
was mistake. Never mind Gift and
other muckrakers. Can't you also in
clude Mississippi River and Niagara
Falls in your appropriations? Best
wishes and good luck! ). Theodore"
We read this with compressed ears.
xH
Here is trifiing invitation which
should give, some mfort," derive
what should be in Jail and jails with
folks what belongs in asylums. I stuff
Hon. A. F. fishing forth following golden
card of reactionary appearances:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
Curves.

A RTHUR L. RAYMOND, the base ball
= pitcher. was talking about curves
at base ball banquet in New York
There are all sorts of correspondence
courses he said, that teach you how to
learn to pitch, but they are apt to be
April foolers.
"A lad once asked me how long A.
would take to make a pitcher of him.
told him 1T would take three years.
working eight hours day. But that was
too hard He saw I'm q sporting paper an
advertisement that said:
Send 81 and learn to be an expert
pitcher in twenty-four hours
so he sent on the money and got this
reply:
The method is extremely simple. Just
divide pitching into twenty-four partss
and learn one every hour"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
Copyright. 1911 by the Associated Literary Pressl

rosebuds placed compactly together
Quite a stable bunch of single violets
will be worn and the more daring will
wear white and two pink or red car
nations. Primroses for both men and
women are considered smart" and
corsage bouquets meant for street
wear by women are already made up
of such unusual combinations as lilacsy
and Gala lilies, and the California vio-
let has almost superseded the double
variety.
Orchids and lilies of the valley are
in conservative taste, but also Kfllar-
ney roses in clusters and the beautiful
brilliant Richmond red roses are very
popular. especially with the seminary
girls who are so prominent among
WaShingtonS street throngs at this
season of the year
Sweet peas in white. pink and lavender
are worn at the belt. and even such
flowers as pansies. bleeding hearts and
the staid, ungraceful jonquils are sold for
personal decoration by the florists Eng
lfsh primroses and Farliance ferns, which
have such exquisite blendngs of color as
to render them artistically possible with
any color of flower, are being used for
the prettiest spring luncheons. and will
be good at Easter. Snapdragons and
pussywillow branches broken of and
passed through ferns are included in some
of the more novel decorations which this
year take such radical departure from
flower offerings of the past several sos
sons.
And 1t is well to gather We roses while
We may" for. according to much disturbed
flower men, there will he a woeful scarci-'
ty of blossoms at Eastertide. Those pre-
served to that late date will be very cost
ly and the more beautiful will be abso-
lutely gone, unless there is a decided
change from the sort of weather now
Students OF women's ways
predict they will have the flowers any
how-natural or artificial. Mere man 10
hoping for the latter.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
Always Excuses.

COL. EDWARD III. r. GREEN. dis.
~ cussing business success at the
Waidorf-Astoria, in New York, said:
The man who succeeds is the man
who does what he sets out to do-not
the man who makes excuses.
Excuses are cheap and easy, but sue
cess Is hard and rare. Excuses, though.
We meet everywhere. Only yesterday
in downtown restaurant they gave
me a tough chicken.
Waiter i said this chicken is ola +,
'' Yes. SIR said the waiter. A very
healthy bird. sir. Otherwise, of course.
it couldn't have lived to such a great
age" 4
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

What for do you come here to our
humbel headquarters?' I require rever-
emily.
Hush it," missy Hon. Fool. Il am
here to coax you and Nogi, in your
shocking detective way, to pass some
useful legislation for me. Will you go
to Washington with bribery expression
and strive to conduce Congress to pass
a law making April 1 a national 1foli-
day."
Never shall WEI is loud voice for us.
I'VE. scorn the Senator Lorimer job you
offer us. Moreoverly. why is it neces-
sary that Apr. / shall be national holt
day."
What could be more useful?" say
him. "All public men of America now
go around 365 complete days in year
behaving like wisdom and speaking
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

pear because of their arrangement, which
must suggest prudishness. but never stiff
ness-an effect that delights the Partisan
and only clever artist in flowers can
obtain. making it impossible for any such
bouquet to be arranged at home-and
on the spring hats that one seeing q
woman wearing conglomerate profuson
of roses and lilies and daisies as cor
sage ornament and a wreath Of the same
on her chapeau, will wonder whether
they are all real or all just pretense. Be
cause red. blue and green and reddish
pink are to be the colors for milliners
and dressmakers to feature this spring,
these same hues will grace the florists
Such hitherto neglected specimens as
ragged robins and peoples and morning
glories will be much used for table
pieces. But they will not be the simple
specimens such as have grown next to
nature. The town-bred must ever have
something Of the sophisticated, SO they
will be forced larger than their original
size. of a deeper shade. or in some way
order of flower than the sort the fields
and roadsides know.
K
For the first time in very many
years the foreign custom for men to
wear bOutonnieres Of more than
single flower is heralded by the local
florists. Not merely a costly orchid
or gardenia or rose, but veritable lit
tie bouquets will adorn the spring man
who desires to be correctly groomed
Three or four white carnations will be
pinned to the coat lapel. and as many
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
Our Pace.

A L the Franklin Inn, Philadelphia
literary club. an essayist said of
Mark Twain:
His old age impressed me with its
sadness. Visiting him last year, we drove
together through the beautiful. rolling
New England country. 1 happened to
remark that the horses ran uphill and
walked down. To this, with q sad smile,
he replied:
Ah, they remind me of my own life
When L was young. and had hills and
obstacles to climb, 1 ran. Now that I'm
old and tired, and there are no hills or
obstacles, 1 walk slowly"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

II have here another slight novelty of
refined nature say this Boss Joker.
He fish forth from valise one tin crown
ornamented with glass rubies & electric
lights.
THAT would make king look very
fashionable" snuggest Nogi.
Wear it on your head for trial."
deploy Hon. April Foolish
Cousin Nogi place this tin derby care
fully on his forehead-O- SHOCK, No
more sOonly had he did SO than one
music box inside begins to play Home,
Sweet Home" and Hon. Crown explode
with complete removal of Nogi's ear.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

What is intention of such rowdy ma
chinery?" 1 yellup doggishly.
1T will be sent to Senator Lorimer by
kind friends" he wig-wag. This Chair
Warmer are guaranteed to work when
all other hints fall
Have you got some more amusing
trif1es in your baggage?' ask Cousin
Nogi.
Here is something which may arouse
your Japanese insurgency" peruse April,
Foolish while he removed one poisonous
appearing wooden box marked distinctu-
a ,ly HANDLE CAREFULLY-EX-
PLOSIvE."
II have been sufficiently exploded for
one afternoon" I revoke while siding
edwards.
BE brave like Samurai"' he dibble
while he oped that box. '"This slight
gift are intended for Hon. Hobson, great
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
DepeW and the 0ptician.

NNE Monday morning just before the
~ close Of Congress Senator Depew
stepped into the place of business of an
optician whom he had never before
visited, to have broken lens in his eye
glasses replaced. The optician took the
glasses between his thumb and forefnger
and musingly remarked:
'Ah, broken glasses. We have many
similar cases on .Alonday mornings
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

nR. ELIOT Of Harvard, apropos OF his
- demand for a franker study OF phys
ology in the public schools. said at q din
ner in Boston:
.'The average child's idea OF his body
reminds me Of little boy named Jonas.
"Jonas was asked to define the tw
words 'optimist' and 'pessdmist.' He sal
readily:
IAN opfimist is man who attends
your eyes A pessimist is man who
tends to your feet
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

and cherished recreation, the Wednesday
evening prayer meeting.
And then, all of a sudden. you are
brought into close personal contact
with the good old mother" you have
been hearing about, and you find her
to be an upright lady of middle age,
with a well manicured false front that
never saw gray hair, an embonpoint
that is only atoned for by it's owners
extreme spryness on her feet, strong
and able hand in the administration of
the affairs of her church society, of
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

to interpret mothers temporary weari
ness, to rest little. But she never de-
sired anything less in her whole life than
to be told that on this account she isn't
to be trusted to do anything the remain
der of her days upon earth except rest.
And along with this tendency to man.
age mother there is a disposition to speak
of mother as old.
My good old mother"'-hasn't that
familiar sound?
When you hear those words you at
once accumulate an idea of a decrepit
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

Z u u IN. ~ u
future seemed to contain zero, because
We had already dIshcovered every
crime in America Nothing remained
for our Shylock Holmes intelligence TO
chew.
APR. / will soonly be here" 1 snug
gest
What Historical Event do April Fool
ish day celebrate" require Cousin Nogi.
Not sure I relapse Maybe it is
DR.. Cooks birthday or the Tooth ami
versary of the Republican Party"
We sat in quiet silence asslmilating
this truth.
when-O suddenly,-door of office
scrash open and Humoristick Figure
carrying a suitcase filled with giggles
emerge inside making Weber & Field
footsteps. His face contained a blue
nose. His whisker was Irish and his
necktie Scotch. while he wore a stomach
of German origin. His hair was COM
pletely bald on top. Every time he
walked he fell down with base drum
noise. This was laughing signal.
Nobody could observe this figure with
out thinking about tired anecdotes.
Senator Nelson has eloped with
Mnny." he report with n. Y. Journal
expression.
with nerves.
Minnesota. popp forth him while
Jumping over his head to denote humor.
"a Senator should be more careful
with the married State negotiate for.
shock of tone. But Hon. Jokester in
suit my politicks by hitting Nogi with
hap-stick while telling bright remarks
of the former Chauncey NJ. Depew.
"Hara kiri!" I yall in the midst OF
angry RACES. why do you arrive here
to behave with so much mania? Unless
you decease these antix I shall deliver
swift jiu jitsu to your eye. You make
me discomfort"
Thanks so many he pronounce
chivalrously. when j make folks dis
comfortable / am too happy"
why do you come here with disgust
ing Bernard Shaw repartee?' I require.
what is your name, if any?'
Hon. Funnyman pause slightly.
This is my card he say while hand
Ing forth fashionable tici:et distinctual-
IL labelled.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

which she is the much admired and
eminently respected president. and a
confirmed habit of getting up successful
chicken pie suppers for the payment
of the minister's laggard salary, the
conduct of which suppers would tax
the endurance of any twenty-year-old
daughter that poor, decrepit old lady
ever had
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
APRIL FOOL, ESQ,
Disorders Promptly Delivered.

Deep breathing by me & Nogi.
$50 you are that personality we read
so much about in Police Court News Of
early Spring." This from me.
Him you mention is me- say Hon.
April. II am the gentleman what
causes children to play with revolvers,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

it. 1t was made especially for Portu-
guese-American Society. who wish to
send it to liking Manuel who lives in
London
Nogi look as sorry as possible.
What comical toy can this be-" l re-
quire looking into April Fools valise &
observing one electrical looking ap-
peratix Of extreme mule power.
THAT" say him, is called the April
Foolish Chair Warmer. Should you like
to demonstrate it?''
Il am willing but nervus.' is report
for me.
Hon. Fooler attach this apperatix to
chair and make respectful smiles.
"Set down, please and see what" he
corrode.
I do so, thank you.
Are you prepared for anything he
require.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

person with white, white hair twisted
into a despairing door knob. hands all
crippled up with rheumatism and only
able to hold the knitting needles with
which she manufactures a strange wool
en- contfivance worn upon the feet in
years gone by: and your errant fancy
goes on to paint the poor thing moving
with difficulty and hobbe to her only
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
Senator Hale invites you

to a Surprise Party to be given to
Senators Clapp, Bristow, Cummins,
Bourne and others whose Progress
sive Minds and Active Enthusiasm
has done so Much to make his Stay
in Washington Busy One.
Evening Dress Forbidden.
April Fool.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

f & Nogi was set
ting in central
middle of our de-
I &c We offices,
room 1851 Pawn
brokers T r u 8 [
Bldg, feeling in
tensely u n e M
ployed. Our minds
was filed with
V aCu UNI, Our
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

dynamite talker. Beholt what it con-
tains,'
Hon. Foolish tip up box and one 2-lb.
bomb of Port Arthur expression bounce
to floor with hollow rattle.
With ginger-fingers ] pick up this
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
Flower Fads of Sprinq.

"HE unusually bright spring, OF which
milliners are already giving such
brilliant promise, even though the
weather man has as yet made no predic-
lions, will be materially aided in its
gorgeousness .of color effects by a re-
vival among florists of old-fashioned bou-
quets for street and day wear. Already
those of Washingtons elect who like to
be 1.-The first to wear the new" are ap-
pearing with their somber late winter
garb enhanced by profuse punches of
flaming red roses. daring yellow jonquils
and even tulips. IN all the blazing hues
to which they run. And later on, when
wild flowers become fashionable in
rurality, welt known uptown florist pre-
diets that their. dollhouse sisters and
cousins will be considered the correct idea
for floral decoration.
Until now only fresh-faced bride
from the country has had the temerity
to walk WashingtOn's thoroughfares be-
hind an array of roses or anything less
expensive than large bunch Of violets-
double Vfolets, please-or a single, long
stemmed American beauty rose. But now
we have changed all that, and the smart
est young matron Or girl in town will
be seen wearing clusters of carnations,
or just the exquisite Helen pinks which
aQO Sucn a becoming glow to even I'm.
beautiful compilations.
, La France roses also have become won
derfully popular because of this desire
to assume the color affected by the Pres
ldents daughter, and more than one cor
rect feminine has dared mix white buds
and pink with an American beauty, or
an equally pretty Jack rose. In the
center of a mound of purple violets-often
the single, fragrant California variety
one sees solitary orchid or a great dewy
punches of those diminutive horticultural
products that once bloomed In colonial
gardens, but now have to be coaxed to
live at all.
Bachelor buttons, soft, exquisitely per-
fumed heliotrope and mignonette as a
proper background will look most appro-
pirate for the high-waisted dresses with
their demure old-time fichus. Hyacinths
and lilies of the valley are, as the florist
expressed it. always good" but even
these will be so differently arranged as
to suggest a change from the other years.
OF q necessity certain Of these blooms
suggest a primness like unto the ancient,
straight-pathed garden In which their an
cestOrs grew, and to them the florist
gives none Of that exotic costliress of
arrangement SO essential for the Amer
are no bargain days. Yet even roses
are arranged, when worn, with a fairness
conforming to the desire to look svelte
and poured into ones clothes. Back
of some of the mixed bouquets of small
flowers French florists are placing a
dainty lace paper arrangement to give
1t an absolutely antique atmosphere. At
the same time, this protects ones gown
and will be welcomed by many women
whose joy over a gift of flowers has
often been alleged by the resulting an
pearance of green stains against the
whiteness of a serge suit or dainty
blouse.
So artificial do some of the buds ap-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

His dear old mother. fofsooth! .
He wouldn't any more dare to say III
to her face than he would nave ven
tured, in those happy, happy days OF
boyhood to enter her presence or
chill spring evening with his shirt on
wrong side out and his neck clean clear
up to his hair.
No. mother is not necessarll! olo.
She is, in fact, not only not necessarily
old, but there are cases where, no mat
ter what ill-judging juniors may say
about 1T. mother never Will De Ola IL
she lives to be a hundred and htty.
You just notice the next pleasant
spring day when you go out on the
avenue the party OF nice, gray onmntru
town You will be astonished to see
how lively and capable and chirpy ana
full of joy and mlrth they are. In ne
are not in the least afraid to cross the
street when the crossing officer per-
mits. and they do not require his assist
ance in getting away with 1T, either.
They enter a restaurant with an air
of assurance and order nice little
home dinner topped off with some new
kind of ice cream they have caught
sight of on the menu, and they taste
it critically and smack their lips just
a bit and say to one another. L peneve
7 know just what this Is f1aVored with,
and we simply must try 1t Tor the next
monthly coffee at the church parlors,
4 =
They pay their bill without haggling,
and tip the waiter a dime without a
culver. Then they troop out again and
resume their shopping or go to mat
inee, for choice the most expensive
and attractive show in town, and the
one they have been reading reviews OF
every day or so in the suburban edition
Of the city daily that comes to them
every morning. They emerge from the
theater with commingled criticism and
delighted enjoyment portrayed in their
more or less excited countenances, go
home on the train in the cleaning
feeling entirely themselves and neither
shocked by their momentary contact
with the strenuous life nor weary to
exhaustion because they didn't have
daughter along to pilot them, arrange
their excursion and place the ban on
any little exertion which in her opinion
would be too much for a spineless
mummy of the era OF the earliest
PharaohS.
Young folks are often inclined to
think that it interferes with their fun
to have mother about.
and politely, that the way mother
spoils their fun isn't circumstance to
the way they spoil any fun mother may
perhaps be permitting herself to con-
template.
Mother. little dear, is perfectly
competent and capable person. She
doesn't in the least require that daugh-
ter should be a parent to her.
Copyright, 1911, by Charlotte G. Rowett.)
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26
MYSTERIOUS Interview
With Hon. April Fool

TO Editor Sunday Star, who must feel
sad to notice so much insanity among
bank wreckers,
Dear Mr.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

bomb-ball. Superstitiously 1 unscrew
it's lidd and peek inside.
There is nothing in it, 1 exclaim
with voice.
THAT is why we call it the Japanese
War Scare" pronounce that wagging
brain.
Great relief by me & Nogi.
Those are all the smart trix | have
brought with me-" say Hon. April Fool.
But have in my factory at Kalamazoo
Sufficient inventions to make everybody
unhappy. I have prepared for Hon.
VIM Jenny Bryan a coocoo clock marked
Democratic Nomination. but every time
that clock strikes XII an African owl
steps forthly and says with Loo Dock
slater voice Never again. 1 have ar
ranged for Hon. Alt Parker a beauty
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-03-26

of
curses Hon Champion
My make
Nogi and
to sand