Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1911-05-26
Mistellansuus Rraains.
APRIL FOOL IN PHILIPPINES.
Old Soldier Tells of Some WeIl-Plan-
ned Jokes That Miscarried.

The ex-regular kicked an old worm
out purse into the gutter and pointed
to an old battered derby hat lying in
the street Near 1t was cobblestone,
and the three useless, inanimate OBJ
jects gave the former soldier much
merriment.
IT was by this way yesterday" he
| said, land I had nearly as much fun
as the kids who used those things.
They had that rock under the hat and
in the short time I watched them one
indiscreet person drove his toes in an
inch further kicking the hat. They
had string tied to the pocketbook
and fully a dozen people reached for
1t. 1t was April FOOLS Day, you
know, and they were making the
most Of It,"
The ex-regular deftly rolled himself
a cigarette and spoke in a reminiscent
tone.
1T all reminded me of the first
time an April Fool joke was intro
duced in the Philippine Islands," he
said. "At least. I think the joke our
outfit played was the first and I'll
never forget 1t. Those kids just had
a little innocent fun, but when we
tried the foolishness two or three Of
ua nearly got shot
THAT was out In the islands In the
insurrection and I was serving in the
infantry. I'd gone off to Tampa from
Baltimore with the Fifth Regiment,
and after we'd sweltered In Tampa
and had come back home without
seeing anything of the scrap I'd en-
listed In a regular outfit and finally
found myself in Pampanga Province
helping pacify the bloodthirsty lit
tla brown brother.
when we weren't hiking through
the jungle keeping Aguinaldo and
some of his friends busy, we were
garrisoning some little wart Of place
and trying to keep ourselves from
getting boloed. 1t was a fine gentle
pastime in those days-teaching the
Gugus that Uncle Sam was their
| friend.
But that April Fool joke I'm tell
ing about might never have happened
II Corporal Spud Murphy-there were
so many Murphys in our outfit that
we called 'em all Spud-and Hender-
son. his own special buddy, hadn't
| been so fond of the stuff called vino,
or If the carabao hadn't had peculiar
ideas, or If our company commander
| hadn't been a kind and gentle man..
"Our company, with Company B,
was garrisoning Santa Barbara and
we were having right quiet time Of
it. We had searched the place and
found a few rifles and some ammu-
nition, but the natives had called us
| amigo and were behaving them
selves very nicely. Our captain, who
as senior captain was in command Of
the battalion, knew we'll enough we
were sitting on hot box, even II we
didn't know it ourselves, but he believ-
ed that If we treated the half-friendly
natives halfway right we'd avoid lot
of trouble. So he wouldn't stand for
anything that would hurt the peoples
feelings.
1T wasn't long before Spud Murphy
showed up one day with his chevrons
gone. We had seen the order that
busted him, and we saw him later
ripping the stripes from his blouse
and trading them off to the man made
corporal in his place for a couple Of
shocks Of booze. Henderson was in
the mill and 1t looked like he'd be
| ob-tailed'-given a dishonorable dis
charge you know.
1T all happened to them because
they bucked the theory Of kind treat
ment. 1 don't know whether you
know it or not, but the Filipino cara
boa-the big, fat-horned bull that
does all the work Of beast Of burden
in the islands-didn't like American
soldiers. You could pacify the ma
tives and maybe get them to trust
you. but you'd never get the good
will of a caraboa. 1 don't believe
they will ever lose their distrust, and
and it makes me laugh now when l
think of the shifty-eyed glare they'd
give a soldier as he passed them.
| Don't ever think those bulls are
scarey creatures. You could make a
pass at one of them as you went by
him and he'd get ready in a second
to defend himself But all you had
to do If you wanted to stampede him
would be to hiss In his ear, and then
maybe he wouldn't cover ground.
He'd go through a stone wall If it was
in his way, and when they started to
run after somebody hissed at them
they wouldn't stop till they were worn
out.
"Well, Spud Murphy and Henderson
were coming up the plaza one day
pretty full Of vino. In front Of the
market place was a bull cart and in
the cart was native. his wife and a
load of naked children. The market
place was less than 25 yards from the
captain's quarters, and he was on his
veranda when the two walked up be-
side the bull cart.
| Murphy and Henderson went to
each side of the bull, and both Kissed
their loudest into the animals ear.
We could hear that hiss clear up at
headquarters. Well, 1t didn't take long
for the action to happen. Mr.. Bull
started, and let me tell you he went
some. Out went Mrs. Gugu first and
|
bounced along 1t spilled children for
200 yards. Finally the Gugu himself
made a leap and landed all right.
| They caught the bull about 500 yards
down the road, where he had gotten
the cart tangled up in some bamboo.
| Five minutes later the guard had
Henderson in the jug and Murphy
was in arrest in quarters. l wish you
could have heard those fellows swear
Ing. They had the best line of talk
ever heard-English, American, Span
ish and native lingo all mixed up to-
gether.
That was on March 81, and that af-
ternoOn a bull train on its way south
reached the town with orders to be re-
| lieved and an escort detailed from our
outfit. That's what saved Murphy and
Henderson, although Murphy had al
ready lost his corporal's stripes. Both
Of them were detailed for the escort,
and Henderson was let out of the mill
to say his last farewell to Santa Bar
bara. We were to start that night, af-
ter the bulls were rested. but as 1t
happened we didn't go until the next
night.
| "Murphy and his buddy both got full