The Alaska citizen., 1911-10-02

 favorites of several Kansas City af- ter dinner speakers.
 Each story is warranted by its owner 10 carry kick that will put the average auditor under the table, or, II not that. make him forget that he has not paid his taxes.
 Most of these yarns have been tried and found 10 be dependable. The majority of them have been pull ed on audiences that were quietly mapping in other words, these are the life savers, the one best bets, recall 10 the minds of an audience that the orator is talking and not pla,ing mandolin. And, as every public speaker will testify. story like that is worth while.
 No, all Of these yarns are new. But that Is of little import You know that a good story never grows old. Remember that old fayorite of your fathers? First time he told that you kicked slat out of your cradle. The first time your ma heard it she bursted the waist of her new hoop skirt suit And now both of you laugh over it as hard as ever. What more proof do you want that you
 
 Clement A Lawler, widely known for his yarn spinning around the Kansas City club, rises to tell tale about a boarding house keeper and her star boarder. Mir. i.awler talk ing
 A certain boarding house keeper was 50 stingy that she kept the seeds from the prunes her boarders ate and finally paved her garden walk with them.
 Every month she became more penurious She cut down the sup ply of food until her boarders pe- titioned her, in the name of human ity, 10 stop. After that she began 10 lower the quality of the food. The quality of the tea and coffee, how ever, was the last thing she attacked. IL was her belief that good, strong beverage would remove much of the sad memory of poor food. But at last she cut the grade of her bev erages about one-third.
 For a few mornings the boarders drank the pale mixtures without complaint. Then the star feeder got in his deadly work.
 win you have tea or coffee, Ar. Backpay?" asked the landlady at the breakfast table
 Well, Mrs. Tighto," he replied, in case it was tea had yesterday, to- day shall take coffee; but if IL was coffee l had shall take tea"
 William Lyons, who occasionally does blackface monologue, is pretty strong for the story of Brown, who had $ habit of remaining out late at night and arriving home in parboi!- ed condition
 One night Brown got home shortly after the witching hour. As usual, he had been out with the boys. He had a story prepared for his wife and when she met him at the door and started to upbraid him he told her 10 be calm.
 Dear wur," said he, have perfect your harpin'. Tell you all bout it."
 Then Brown proceeded to explain how Perkins, an old friend, had come in to buy bill of goods. A few drinks, a dinner, trip 10 the thea. ter and some more drinks followed. Result-he was late getting home Fine explanation.
 Mrs. Brown listened quietly through the story and then she broke it to her HusDdnQ thus.
 William, you are telling false hood: Mir. Perkins and his wife have been here all evening. waiting for you to come home"
 For a moment Brown was up against il. He fumbled with his hat asked If she understood what Perkins he meant. and being assured that she did he drew himself up to proud height and replied:
 Well, don care if ole Perkins was here. Thash my story, an I'm goin' stick by it."
 As an impromptu speaker and good story teller few Kansas CityaDs ex eel George Foresee, president of the Knife and Fork club. He is a good dielectician and, coming from Mississippi, his specially is negro stories He makes no claim of fresh ness for the following yarn, but it pleases him better than any other he has ever heard.
 A Georgia colonel purchased a pair of loud trousers to which his body servant, Rufus, took great fancy. Rufus knew that in due time he would inherit the trousers, but, az tho colopol did mt uoor thorn oftou