The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1911-05-31
The Squire's
Probation

squire lhOmah JtutIbon Dh'6b1
was the most talented swearer around
MerryviIIe. The squire swofe he
lost dime or found dollar, II II
rained or If there was long dry
spell, wind blow east or wind blow
west. He could hold his own with a
circus boss, and make sailors par
rot hang its head In shame.
The squire was rather proud OF his
accomplishment, until he began court
ing the Widow Lindsey Then he came
to wish that his prowess ran alang
different lines.
Look here, sqiiire-you say you
love me?"
eyes, by began Squire Skages.
tut, tutl" checked Widow Lindsey.
1T ycu will 10 80 days without one
word Of profanity. I'll marry you; II
not, won't"
Then the squire began the great bat
tie. The first day he spent coniuring
Up and jotting down a long list Of
words and expletives to be used for
substitutes for his own blue-fiame, sui
phurous vocabulary. The list began
with "Abou Ben Adhem," and ended
with "Zum." and he put It into prac-
tice next morning when the gray
mule, old Mol. stepped upon his foot
Great Abou Ben Adheml What in
the name Of zoroaster is the matter
with you, by zum?" And old Mol
gazed at him reproachfully
The squire held manfully to his lit
tie mannal Of polite expIetive, daily
reporting progress to the widow. He
found that for trivial provocation,
such as receiving dun from the
Weekly Foghorn or stumbling his
toe, the manual did fairly well, but
that for really trying situations. such
as chasing his hat in the mud, by
vuml" and "Oh, Caesareal" were
wholly inadequate. The widow cen
sored the manual and cut out such
transparent substitutes as "Rotter-
DAM" and Amsterdam on her own
account.
Toward the end Of the month Of
probation the squire took the widow
behind old Mol to the Foot Washing
Baptists' camp meeting at Hickory
grove. The squire had fawless rec
ord, and both were In fine spirits over
the prospect of a speedy union. While
at the meeting, however. It set in to
rain, and by the time they reached
Wolf creek on the return journey It
was tremendously high. When ex-
nctly In the middle of the stream old
Mol balked. The squire lashed and
coaxed her. then rallied at her in the
revised near-swearing. but she planted
her fore feet more firmly. The buck
board was awash and floating danger
ously. Great logs and rails were bump
Ing downstream. The widow fretted.
The squire grew desperate.
Widow" he announced, III you will
crawl back in the hind end OF the wag-
on and stick your fingers In your ears
good and tight, maybe can reason
with this perverse creature"
The widow hesiiated, but the dam
ger was great and she went.
Got 'em stopped good and tightf"
asked Squire 6kaggs.
The widow did not answer, so that
the squire drew his own conclusions
and sailed in. He began with the AL
pha Of his own original. blue.flame,
suIphurous code. and went straight
through to Omega, omittirg nothing
Al the first familiar expletly. old Mol
perked up her ears. In half a minute
she was looking back with approval.
Before Squire Skaggs had half fin-
dshed old Mol clicked her heels to-
gether and hauled the blackboard
high upon the bank.
When the widow climbed back upon
the seat Squire Skaggs hung his head
as one who has stolen a baby sheep.
He could only utter brokenly:
II guess I've spoiled my probation,
widow. had to talk right positive to
that mule"
To his astonishment the widows
face was radiant. Squire skaggs,"
she replied, my fingers slipped out.
and | must say you are the most elo-
quent man ever heard. After the
wedding I'm going to teach you to
pray"