davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1911-03-27
Chill dren Cry
FOR FlETCHER'S
Q a 8 r . RIA
HEAVY RECEIPTS AT
LIVESTOCK MARKETS

WASHINGTON, March 26.-Livestock
receipts at the seven principal markets
of the country, aggregating 1854
head, showed a moderate increase for
February, according 10 the bureau OF
statistics today.
The improvement is due mainly 10 the
larger supply of hogs and sheep. Ex-
cept Sioux City. all the larger packing
centers show considerable gains since
cago. St Louis and ST. Joseph Stocks
of meat at five principal packing house
centers on the last OF February 203 ,6s6, :
05l pounds, were the largest reported
since. the summer OF 1909.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1911-03-27
HOLDS FORGED DEEDS
TO VALUABLE PROPERTY
Young Woman Arrested at Pasadena,
Cal, Claims TO Have Been Victim
lied by Another Woman.

LOS ANGELES. Cal, March 26-Miss
Lillian Paxton. arrested Saturday in Pas
adena charged with having forged deeds
10 property valued al fully $4,000 main
tained today that she is innocent and de-
clared that she has been the victim Of
another woman. who lmpcrsopated Mrs.
Jennie Doape. the owner OF the property
involved.
The records show that on February %
woman who gave the name OF Mrs
Jennie p. Doane, appeared before a local
notary and signed a deed conveying the
property TO Miss Paxton. Miss Paxton
says that In payment for the property
valued at 100000
The affair came to light when Miss
Paxton attempted to borrow $40, 900 on
the property
That there was another woman other
than Mrs. Doane that figured In the case
Is accepted by the district attorneys Of
fee.
Miss Paxton is SO years old and SAWS
her former home was in Augusta. Me.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1911-03-27
Conference Rates.

For April, 1911. conference. reduced
rates will be made from various Oregon
Short Line points. From stations north
of Ogden to Spencer, Ida, tickets on
sale April 3 TO s. inclusive. limited
to April Is. From Ogden and points
south, April to 9, inclusive, limited
to April IL. International aviation
meet, Salt Lake, April to 10, inclu-
sive, See agents for rates and further
particulars.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1911-03-27

Fully nine out Of every ten easa
rheumatism is simply rhcumatisE d a
muscles due to cold or damp, or chr1|
rheumatism. neither Of which r.
any internal treatment All tlat
needed to afford relief is the tres a
plication of Chamberlains Linizs
Give it a trial. You are cersslH V 4
pl, .sed with the quick relief vtkl
affords. Sold BY all dealers.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1911-03-27
A Special Medicine for Kidney All
ments.

Many elderly people have found in
Foley's Kidney Remedy a quick relief
and permanent benefit from kidney and
bladder ailments and from annoying
urinary Irregularities due to advancing
years Isaac n. Regan, Farmer, Mo-
says: "Foley's Kidney Remedy effect
ed a complete cure in Ily case and
want others to know of it, Schramm-
Johnson, j Drugs. five stores.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1911-03-27

that was to give congress the power 10
Interfere In the domestic affairs Of the
Mormon people. But II the church de-
MED its support 20 the Republican party
the constitutional amendment would be
carried. and the Mormons in their mar
rlage relations. would be returned to the
federal jurisdiction from which they had
escaped when the territory was admitted
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1911-03-27
Position of Insurgents,

There has been considerah hle dIscuEsion
as TO the possibility Of the insnrgant
members OF the Republican party endeav-
or1ng 10 overturn the customary praciice
or assigning the committee rhairnun
ships and places through seniority. hu,
~ is believed there is no foundation for
this assertion. AS matter OF fact Tho
'nsurCent members of the senate gain
more at this time through the appilca :
lion Of the rule Of seniority in making
committee assignments than nnv Other
group Of senator's. Under this r,lo Snn.
ator Clapp. one OF the leading insurgents
VIII obtain the chairmanship of one of
senate. that OF interstate commerce. Son
ator La Toilette will he chairman of tho
committee on immigratIon: Senator
bourne VIII be made chairman Of the
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

down the seller, ma and me stood in
the kitshen doar and lissened
Now try the wattir, pop sed very
loud.
So ma termed a spikkit and I ternd .
spikkit but the moar We termed them
the meoar nuthing calm out.
Aftir a vile pop sed Dutch once
moar. and we coodent heer eny moar
pounding or hammiring.
Did you bert yourself? sed ma.
Not At All
No, I dident bert myself, sed pop,
loud as enything. I ony mashed my
thum to a jellle, but dident hert my
self. Oh, no, dident bert myself, he
sed
I don't see how he Good mash his
thum to a jellie without herting HIM
self sed to ma
Now try the wattir, sed pop. So We
termed the spikkits agen. but no wattir
calm.
Jest then there was an orfuI noise
like founten down the seller, and pop
calm running up awl wet, like he had
fell in the bathtub. So We got the
plummer enyhow, and pop went to the
docktor to fix his thum.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
THE DOORKEEPER

Il don't know as how I ever heard
a lad who talked English Irish as
well as he do It's a marvellous gift
bein' able to assimilate the best Of
two countries. It's a funny thing
about Coholan; he refuses all invita-
tons to banquets from the Killarney
associates, and wouldn't stand for the
Clare men presentin' him with a huge
floral piece made up like a shamrock
a few nights ago. A good many of
my countrymen are beginnin' to feel
that he's a Crouch or a crab or some
thing like that, but as long as he
makes them all homesick by his pat
ter they have to come and hear him"
Is He a Crab?
rs he a crab?" asked the S. S. Y.
We'll, l hardly think So" said the
S. D. K, but he's of the same retir-
in disposition. He really hasn't
much time to give up to social doin's.
and imagine that the less he
the better of for himself and
his act. You may not know 1t, but
he's sittin' up nights translatin' a
Yiddish novel into English. His right
name is Cohan, but he changed it
when he went on the stage How
ever, do say he talks with a purer
brogue than l do"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
Reddy Smith On
Cooling Mothers

Jimmie. If dere's anything dat gifts
me noive, it's wun Nv dem cooin' mud
ders. I jes' shined de shoes Nv wun
over on de square. an uhbout ten pur-
sons stopped tn pat hur kids face. an
ev'ry wun Nv dem had tn listen tn de
virtues Nv dat baby, till, seem dey
wud be stuck all day unless dey soon
quit. dey made sum bum excuse an
beat it fur cooler quarters.
1t wus enuf to make uh horse sick.
De kid wus de prettiest wun in de block
where de mudder lived; de kid wus de
prettiest baby in de woild; de kid had
dis on Mrs. Browns baby, an dat on
Mrs. Jones baby; an, what angelic vir-
tues dat kid didn't have longside Nv
udder babies wusn't wurth havin'.
But, tn tell de truth, Jimmie, de kid
wud have been pretty If 1t wusn't so
sickly lookin'; an 1t was so sickly
lookin', cause de mudder did nuthin'
but coo an love an kiss an hug de
kid, till all de life wus taken out NV
1T.
I tells yu. Jimmie, uh wuman Nv
dat kin amt fit tn have uh baby, an
it's uh shame dat de kid has tn suf-
fer fur it's mudder's foolish actions,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28

take UP so much space none OF the
dealers would handle 1t.
It's not often that such a popular
fruit as lemons goes bad on US, but
yesterday the boss spied whole
crate of them showing signs of be-
ing tired of life. Not actually bad,
but just beginning to start. They
were marked Is cents a dozen
II can get 20 cents a dozen for
those lemons" says the boss, and
when 1 told him I doubted IL he Just
winked and got out his little hand
printing press. Slightly damaged
lemons, 20 cents a Dozen" the sign
read, and the boss put it up and says.
Now watchw
Say, just the merest suspicion OF .
bargain is enough to make the ladies
kick up their hind legs and go to It.
IF they're damaged and 20 a dozen
1t stands to reason they're worth
much moreE was the way they fig
ured it QUIT and-but there's no use
talking-he knows.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28

Sumthing was the mattir with the
wattir in our house yesterday and 1t
was out of ordir. The moar you
termed on the spikkits the moar the
wattir wooden run.
Fathir, sed ma, I'm afrayed we will
have to have the plummer.
Plummer nuthing, sed pop, eny
husbind that cant fix a littel thing
like a wattir pipe has gave his wife
sifishunt grounds for diverse. How
are we evir going TO save eny muny,
he sed, If we don't exersise a littel
ekhominy.
The Home Plumber
So pop took a munkey rensh and a
hammer and a kandil and went down
the seller stares very slow, on ak
kount of the SELLING being so low
ware he steps is pop always bumps
his he'd on II.
Look out for the selling. sed ma
Dutch. sed pop, wy don't yu tell me
aftir I've bumped my he'd. Meening he
had bumped his he'd agen, bekaus
Good heer the krack Of II.
Vile pop, was hitting and pownding
and hammiring and making othir noizes
witch 1 Good not tell wat they were
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28

Silas Trump, a regular burglar, Jimmy
Valentined the Princeton lock on the
front door of the home of Hamfat
Merangue, an irregular actor. Ha, Ha!
He has found the safe!
Silas Trump was doing things to the
combination when, with a muffled oath
all good burglars muffle their oaths-
he started to his feet. Somebody had
tapped him lightly on the shoulder. 1t
was Hamfat Merangue, the actor ST.
lently, Merangue made the sign of the
order and handed Silas Trump a card.
Ya-as, twas true. The critics had
said that Hamfat Merangue was a
highwaynan for taking the money. and,
on the strength of that, he had been
admitted to the Amalgamated Order of
Robbers. Without a word. Silas Trump
gave him the burglars grip and drop
ped silently out of the window.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
SHE holds IT Up TO THE
Girl Who Is Slightly Mixed
Loretta's Looking Glass

looks to me as if you would just nat
urally have to have one MADE. l can
not detect a tiny germ of one in your
letter; and there is clean, clear spaci-
ness between the lines in which I can
not trace an indication of one.
You say you agree with me that girls
are doing lots of things they should
not; hut it's because they do not know
what is. the right thing to do" Are
you deficient mentally that you cannot
tell you are offending your own woman
hood by acting lies to the man? Don't
know what to do? That's nonsense.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28

And it's a popular girl bluff. What
you mean is that, you don't want to
do what you KNOW YOU OUGHT
Aren't you ashamed to have deliber-
ately taken off your engagement ring
when this man was coming? And
can just see you. smiling and honey
ing your sweetheart when he gave II
to you! I can easily imagine your
showing IT OF to the girls" But you
don't show II to this man-because you
want ni= attentions. You want the
envy. of the girls you show the ring.
You don't want the man to know you
are engaged. so you DON'T show the
ring.
A Tuppenny Trick
It's not only a mighty disloyal per-
Torrance on the high grounds. of what
phases of fidelity; but it's a hateful,
tuppenny trick on a. purely financial
basis. He buys the sign that you must
have to prove you are his. Then, in
stead of wearing the sold" ticket, you
stick it on a baby ribbon and hide 1t
around your neck so that the other
man will make a bid.
oh! no; you are not In love with each
other! OF course not! One of those
platonic friendships that-don't exist!
If you were sure he never would be
In love with you, you would have told
him of your ngagement-instead Of
stringing him along till you found our
whether he could be or not. You are
Just like a lot Of other girls. You
are such a deceitful, noodle-headed fe-
male that you queer the whole matri-
monial game, wonder ANY man ever
trusts ANY woman when I see the
two-faced heartlessness of your. kind.
l. hope the sweetheart finds you out
IN time! think you are a fiirt and q
sneak
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
A Slight Mistake

81 don't believe there is anything in
that talk about Harlow being hard up"
said Little Binks. Why, he's just
blossomed forth with a footman on his
motor"
''Footman?" echoed Jinkinson. de-
risiYely "Footman is good! That
isn't footman; it's a deputy sheriff in
charge of the car"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
In and Out

1T seems to me, Harry" said a
father to his small son, that every
thing 1 say to you goes in at one ear
and out at the other
We'll" replied the little fellow, 81
s'pose that's what I've got two ears
for"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
There Is No Joke
Like an Old Joke
COULD HAVE EITHER

The Rounder-I say, old man. 1 wish
you'd make point Of being in this
marryin' one Of your gals.
The Major-With pleasure. Which do
you want-the cook or the housemaid-
what?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28

I'VE sure have had the harps twang-
in away at the front door of this
little playhouse this week." said the
Gtage.struck youth as he removed q
splinter from the sole of his shoe.
That we have So" said the stage
doorkeeper. and II. doesn't please any
body any more than it does me to see
the bunch that comes from the old
dart turn out on such a festiverous &C.
casion. Av course, I've always had me
suspicious that the manager of this
house was born with a shamrock in one
hand and a shillalah in the other, but
! may be wrong.
Knows What to Feed EN-
But he sure does know what to
feed EN-, and when he billed Coholan.
the emperor of Ireland knew that he
had a three-time winner, Say. that
guy is all there. When he comes on
dressed like a human bein' it's some
part of a surprise, but when he takes
his dudeen from his mouth and begins
TO spill the patter, he's a scream.
He knows the County Clare well,
take it, from hearin' him, and when he
gets on to the story of Clancy's pig
can almost smell the peat a burnin'
and my mouth begins to water for. the
taties l know that are boilin' in the
big pot.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28

and Halter myself that
oh! Belle
Mamie.
tried the hobbe Madame Feice's after 1ooin
self in the glass ten confdnty
that was used to it and started o walk
Every Little Hobble Has Movement Etc.
My ordinary walk, Belle graceful athletic but
not man91Sh hadn't taken moren half step when felt omepin
pun looked around and what should hobble refusin
along So waikn three
times traveln close walls till learned how far
could feet without gein with
my hobbe
Name" said myself you'd trolley.
that capable anybody else O wan home
you'd better take trolley"
So made the signal o distress outside Madame Felce place.
1t high Belle stood there and looked N.Y.
but high step All the troey have rdicuousy high
but I'd before
one foot, and then it back where got from.
Well goin to get mlss? the conductor:
Il cerny am lookn dagge four that had stuck
their GRIMM faces o the windows.
Today the conductor.
made another with and then
another expression, "Oh pardon, this my
Do know anybody that perfectly healthy
hobble good home Belle?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
A New Market

Ambitious Author-Hurray! Five dol
lars for my latest story, The Call OF
the Lure!
Fast Friend-Who from?
Ambitious Author-The express COM
pany. They lost it.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
Child Questions

Does goat milk come in cans, par
What do you mean?'
Isn't that what the goat eats tin
cans forT'
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY

From a program of addresses ar
ranged by the C. I. c. C. u:
May Is, DR.. T. Jays. Where Satan's
Seat Is In the Henry Martin Hall"
This will come as a surprise to
many-Punch
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
Our Grocery Clerk
Says Lemon Drops

The more I see of the boss the
more I think he ought to write
book on What I Know About
Women. Only it would probably
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
WHEN NOAH WAS A BOY

There never was any great scarcity
of water, but he simply couldn't make
his mother understand that the wooden
trees didn't need moisture. She in
sisted on sprinkling them and naturally
when the sun came out they blistered
and had to be revarnished. -
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
The Burglars Grip;
Or, What? You Too!

Dark was the night, and when this
inverted order of saying the night was
dark is used it is safe to infer that the
night was darn near black. Noiselessly
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
Drawn for The Washington Times.

SHOULD say you are. II 1 ex-
4 pressed myself fully, you would
probably be less-er-mixed, but
about two hundred per cent. more mad.
think you are supremely COM
petent prevaricator. You say you are
engaged and expect to be married
when your f1ance returns from the
south. Meanwhile, this other man,
whose ad-mindedness-and just let
me tell you, it would take a mental
ity composed of two parts of india rub
Der and the other of the milk of hu-
man kindness to spread over your per-
formance-you like. begins to be nice
to you-as a friend! However. you
don't want any GOODNESS to come be-
tween you, so when you and ne are
talking of matrimony, in a purely sci
entifc way. and he says he has heard
that you were to be married, but knows
you would have told him had such been
the case, you just keep still!
"Charmingly Feminine"
hope that lover Of yours in the
south is paying court to some sweet
voiced, charmingly feminine southern
girl. I wonder II you know how
!. 'charmingly feminine" those girls are?
Then, the man sends you a present.
And you keep 1t because 1t would be
Of no use toNany one else or to him
on account Of the monogram. So kind
Of you!
You say you have no mother. so you
appeal to me. 1 suppose ought to begin
my deary" and tell you never to
do so again" But I won't. I'll tell
you exactly what 1 think. If it hap
pens to fill your need. you are well
come to 1t. It's not the lack Of a
MOTHER that's the matter with you;
it's the lack of a CONSCIENCE.
Mothers can't MAKE them. And it
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28
Knew He Did II

Teacher-Tommy, do you know, How
doth the little busy beer
Tommy-No; I only know he doth It!
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28

their curly heads little about what the day stands for historically
who look only when they dangerous
sport and fairly split their little with noise.
What kind of Fourth have? safe and
dshoned with aftermath perhaps of suffering
and tragedy?
Probably for the of older folk feel that
would disappointed without the of fire
ptu little ghoy chorus of the
victims whom other Fourths have claimed
and that it's likely be their boys and girls who hurt
Leads To Tragedy
But just this feeling that makes the campaign for quiet day
celebration difficult feeling
that leads often agedyragey that might however be
fathers and mothers shared the fun instead
of merely buying dangerous playthngs for them.
For little hands careful enough be trusted with huge
crackers boy girl has of mind
keep the of fang powder. No
thinks quickly blazing dress blouse and
will odd ashoned Fouhstay with children all
that will safeguard and them the
possible accidents of the passing hours.
But mother father will
fireworks far enough away SAFE will
happy without that shadow of death and su
that has become the main factor this when
celebrate the of liberty by surrounding
danger the sack of dhoned ideas
and festivities needed for proper celebration"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28

\ THE languag &c OF the widower whose wife turned
suffragette Belle, never again! Ever since hobbls
skirts started givn' the comic artists inspirations
I'd been hankerin' after one of 'em, and yesterday
SaIah O'BSien-Sarah's a regular assistant dress
been maxim for l it home from Mad
Felices, but--wel, you know what the wild
said Belle, that hobble goes to the highest
bidder.
Not that it fell down at all as hobble, Belle,
that don't put up just as good appearance
all bound round with a wooden string the rest
Of he cir he hnhhle Nth he hest
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-28

-HOARDED pennies are being carefully counted
these June days and invested after long discussions
and bargaining in those square red and white
packages that smell so alluringy of Chinese shops
and powder; the relative merits of roman candles
or fountains are points of controversy that never
neighborhood and that day which stands forth SO
redly upon the calendars has become the goal. of
desire, hedged in with dreams of riot of noise
OF the blare of bands. the waving of coloru1 flags
and the faring of fireworks against the evening sky
Fourth of Juy-next to Christmas the greatest
The Calumet news., 1911-12-02
MEXICAN MEAT BALLS.

one pound Of pork, one pound beef
chopped fine, one third as much bread
as meat, one egg, one small onion,
chopped fine; salt and pepper TO taste;
one tablespoonful chilli powder. Put
chopped meat, onion the bread (after
being soaked in water and squeeze
ouO, salt, pepper and chilli powder into
pan with the beaten egg and mix
thoroughly then roll into balls the size
of a small orange. Cook in a sauce
which has been made as follows: one
quart tomatoes, salt. pepper to taste,
one chopped onion, one tablespoonful
of chilli powder. Simmer this sauce
until the onion is done; place the meat
balls i'm the sauce and boil gently un-
Ill done, which will be in about an
hour; then remove them to a platter,
thicken the sauce with flour and pour
over the meat
The Calumet news., 1911-12-02
~TH,s DATE IN HISTORY"

1554-Hernando CorteZ, the conquer
or of Mexico, died i'm Seville, Spain
Born in Estremadure, Spain, in 1883
1710-Flnal completion of st. Paui
Cathedral in London.
1SO5-The French under Napoleon
defeated the Russians under Emperor
Alexander and The Austrians under
Emperor Francis at Austerlitz.
1S4S-Ferdinand /. abdicated the
throne of Austria i'm favor of his ne
phew. Francis Joseph.
1S52-Louis Napoleon declared en-
peror of the French and assumed the
title of Napoleon III.
1S63-First ground broken at Omaha
for the Union. Pacific Railroad.
1S73-Richard Coke was elected gov
ernor of Texas.
1S91-Nova Scotia, New Brunswick
and Prince Edward Island discussed
a project for union as one province.