davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
Collars.

Much has been said on the subject
of collars. but not all Of it can be re-
peated here with propriety.
Collars We're invented in the 10th
century along with thumbscrews and
other deadly implements. AT that time
the collar consisted of a wide starched
run n a after a man had worn these
ruffs for a few years he gladly com
mitted treason and submitted to the
axe with pleasure and relief.
Precipitation a in fact, favorite
lnethoo OF removing the early Eliza
bethan collar. but how 1t was put on
still! remains q mystery. Scientists
arc inclined to believe. however, that
the collar was Slipped over the VIC
i'm head in infancy and that he was
compelled to grow up inside of it.
Later on the collar was modified In
severity until now 1t Is only a minor
affiiction like the toothache. The mod
err collar is made OF four-ply linen,
reinforced with starch. This gives II
STIFFNESS enough to saw the epiglottis
In w under favorable conditions.
but at the same time does not pre-
vent 1t from being mangled rapidly
and successfully In a laundry. Thanks
to the laundry the collar is short
lived. This is its only virtue. Before
the Wearer can learn to hate any one
collar intensely. 1t has gone to the rag
bag.
Inc COllar comes IN various shape
including the white wings, the chin
scratcher and the modified cuff and
Is attached to the muzzle OF the shirt
by two collar buttons. To install the
collar the patient inserts the buttons
in h neck band of the shirt with
thumbs and forefinRers. He then
slips around behind himself and at
taches h maddle Of the collar to the
aft collar button with the aid of a
timmy and a button hook. Then
Selling n end Of the collar he hauls
1t o to the forward collar but
ton which he holds In place with his
knees and buttons the end with both
hands and a couple IF finger nails.
He then grasps the remaining end Of
h collar n stretches 1t until 1t
reaches O to the forward but.
ton. Bracing h button against his
Adams apple. he rims out the but
ton hole with his thumbnail, presses
it against the collar button with one
foot and gradually works 1t home with
both hands and his teeth. Much of the
English language was invented during
the stress of putting a 15 collar on q
15k neck band.
Collar are white and beautiful like
sepulchres. They are useful because
Of the vast stretches of scrawny, ang-
ular. red and flahbv necks which they
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
sMITnPRODuCES NEAT
At I CENTS A POUND
Government Records On His
Remarkable Feeding Ex-
pertinent Now Made.
From the Sioux CITY rr,bune.

From the Sioux City Tribune.
Ihirty-fve head of yearling Here
lords fed by Captain w. s. A. Smith
On his farm near Leeds, will be ship
PED to Chicago Wednesday evening
where they will be entered in the IN
tefnatfonal Live Stock show at the I'm
ion stock yards. That the steers will
10 q revelation in the feeding BUSH
ness ts t h prediction being made by
those who have watched the progress
OF the herd.
While Captain Smith does not claim
mat his steers will break any records
and does not expect them to win rib
N he does maintein that his ex-
naoit will prove that, figured on a COM
mercfal basis. his cattle will rank we'll
with any to be shown. He has gov
eFnment %affidavits to show that the en-
tire herd vas fed. at a cost averaging
captain Smith believes that his herd
Will dress with any yearlings to be
seen at the SHOW.
The calves were purchased on Oc-
tober 20. 1910. when they averaged 420
pounds and cost about s25 per heal.
farm TO be fed. From the time of their
arrival at the farm up to the present
time, every ounce of feed given the
cattle has been carefully weighed and
measured. The statistical work has
been lone under the direction of f. w.
Peck, OF Madison. Wis. Mr.. Peck is
connected with the United States de-
ieartlnent Of agriculture.
Statistical Record.
The following is a condensed record
furnished by Mr.. Peck. 1t shows the
weights of grain and roughage and
the cost of fes ding is head of yesrlings
up to and including September 20:
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

In vast nOcks and remain persistentfy
around. blocking OF pleasure in the
hopeless manner. Many = new
overcoat has been pushed forward q
year by q burly ice bill. Many Q hat
bill has oosed crafty into the house
just In time to slaughter a summer va.
cation: and many . dream with Q
bright blue automobile in It has been
shattered by the arrival Of q bill for
last years coal with hurry marks all
over Il.
Bills are emorse to the extrayagant
man. blO0dhounds to the unfortunate
man. %nutsances to the prosperous man,
n boon companions to the dead beat.
A bill. mex to q weed. IL the quickest
growing thing in creation. You can
start q tiny bill at a department store
and when It comes to visit you the
e month II will have a tail like Hal.
ley's comet.
A brand new bill Is not d~isaRreeable
to have around, but its disposition
sours very fast. A month-ol bill 10
grieved when you meet It: a two
months-old bill IL indignant. and q
four-months-old bill 10 q raging lion.
Some people can live happily with bills
three years old. But then other men live
happily with bearded women, indiges-
tton n q last years bath. There II
no accounting for tastes.
Bills are dangerous but not fatal and
can be easily rendered entirely harm
less. To dehorn q bill take q sum OF
money equal to the size OF the bill ana
give 1t to h perpetrator Of the latter.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

~headedness of women. the first variety
Is by far the more numerous.
Bachelors live as a rule, but are kept
in a passable state of repair by their
landladies. They are very hardy and
will eat almost anything. If you are in
doubt as to whether a man is a bache-
lor or not, invite him to dinner. If he
accepts with a hungry look in his eyes,
he Is either a bachelor or u man with a
peripatetic wife. Then set before him a
piece Of fried shoe upper. If he eats
it without remark and grabs his coffee
cup about the waist instead of by the
handle. you can safely bet that he Is a
bachelor from the lightning lunch belt.
Bachelors are most attractive be-
tween the age of 80 and 40, during
which time they are In an excellent
state OF preservation and are able to
dodge heiresses, and chorus girls, mat
rimonially speaking, with ease and
skill. Between 40 and so. the bachelor
becomes more pensive and cannot Inn
agine why young girls Of 18 are so
unanimously elsewhere when he calls.
From SO onward bachelors are objects
OF pity who live alone. pursued by many
terrors. 1t is a sad sight to see a
trembling old bachelor holding a feroc-
ious baby which has been loaned to
him by some heartless father for the
amusement Of a large room full of COM
pany. At this age too many bachelors
who have successfully avoided dozens
OF happy marriages earlier in life. are
caught helpless n feeble by some de-
signing widow and meet a terrible fate.
Bachelors are useful when young for
wearing down ballroom floors, support
Ing theaters. candy stores and florists
and seating guests at weddings. Later
on they become useful for paying taxes
and as horrible examples. Bachelors
h0 un dnno np,o crNN7 tn 49, ,,zst1 49,
as forefathers and ancestors, they are
a dismal failure.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
Preachers.

A preacher fs a man who talks to
Q congregation for two hours each Sun
day and spends the week days heart
ening up his flock for the next INSTALL
ment.
Preachers are supposed to be ex-
tern of righteousness for the world
to follow. There Is a very general
belief that IL our preachers are good
enough It doesn't make much differ
ence what the rest OF US do. It is
really amazing to see how interested
the world is In the goodness of a
minister and how nobly 1t stands back
him in this field. Thousands OF men
who are perfectly satisfied with escap-
Ing the gallows themselves will worry
for hours at a time ove the imper-
fections of the preachers and will
even refuse a drink while absorbed in
making suggestions for their i'm
provement. In fact. our ambition for
less. If only we can have perfect
preachers we will cheerfully wallow in
wrongdoing ourselves. The world re-
cords no more startling unselish-
ness.
Preachers go to divinity schools
while quite young and there learn all
about the world and mankind up to
knowledge they are given a congre-
cation which knows all about the
world from yesterday to tomorrow.
The result is unusually a draw in LII
rounds. The duties of the average
preacher are to preach twice a week,
to attend half a dozen miscellaneous
meetings, to drum up attendance. to
visit all his p~arishioners an equal
number of times during the year, to
kiss so brides of various ages per an
num-. to illuminate sick rooms, to beat
h undertaken to the house of death
and run n tie race with him at
each funeral: to support a wife and
a black frocl1 coat. to say nothing
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
Was In Real Trouble.

A passenger who escaped uninjured
from a serious railway smash. seeing
a fellow-traveler searching anxiously
among the wreckage with a lantern,
offered to assist in the search. and,
thinking the old man had lost his
wife. asked in sympathetic tones:
What part of the train was she in!"
Raising his lantern and glaring at the
kindly disposed passenger. the old
man shouted with indignant distinct.
ness that triumphed over physical In
trinity: "She. sir! she! 1 am look.
ing for my teeth!"
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
sABrs ECZEMA AND soAs

my con was about three weeks old
when I noticed a breakingout Ga hls
cheeks. from which a watery sub
stance ooEed. A short time after. hts
arms, shoulders and breast broke out
also. and in q few days became . solid
scab. I became alarmed. and called
our family physician who at once pro-
nounced the disease eczema. The liz
tie fellow wa under treatment for
about three months. By tho end OF
that time. he seemed no better. I be-
came discouraged. I dropped the doc
tors treatment. and commenced the
use OF Cuticura Soap and Ointment.
and In q few days noticed q marked
change. Tho eruption on his cheeks
was almost healed. and his shoulders,
arms and breast were decidedly bet
ter. When he was about seven months
old. all trace Of the eczema was gone.
During his teething period. HE
head and face were broken out 10
boils which I cured with Cuticurs
Soap and Ointment. Surely he must
have been q great sufferer. Durina
the time Of teething and from the time
I dropped the Doctors treatment,
used the Cuticura Soap and Cuticura
Ointment. nothing else. and when two
years old he was the picture of health.
His complexion was soft and beauti.
full. and his head q mass of silky curls.
I had been afraid that he would never
be we'll. and I feel that / owe a great
deal to the Cuticura Remedies"
(Signed) Mrs. Mary w. Ramsey. 22l
p. Jackson st., Colorado Springs. Col,
Sept. "a, 1910. Although Cuticura
Soap and Ointment are sold by drug
gists and dealers everywhere. a sam.
pie of each. with 32-page book. will b.
mailed free on application to "Cutt
cura." Dept. s L. Boston.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
Clocks.

Wherever you find civilization, there
also you will find the clock busily re-
minding nan that he Is Is minutes be-
hind the world and that unless he
hustles like thunder he will have all
the skin on his heels worn off by the
o%nrushing future.
The world has not always had clocks.
Once mankind told time by the SUN
alone. Adam counted time by days and
1t took him over $50 years to become
a grandfather. Then h hour glass
was invented and man told lime by
hours. Our courts still do business at
eight o'clock until nine o'clock and
most Of them are wv years behind.
When the clock was finally devised
man began telling time by minutes. But
clocks are going out of date in hustling
countries. because they do not have
second hands and the man who does
not carry u watch is likely to overru1l
his lunch minute by over $50 worth
OF time.
Clocks are Of various sizes and tell
time by hours of different sizes too.
The clock in the church sometimes has
hours two days long. The clocks in
the homes of beautiful young daught-
a young man will frequently use VI
four of them while trying to tell a
girl good night. Clocks in schools and
Offices have only two hours-lunch
hour n quitting hour. The clock IN
congress has a wonderful. elastic hour
which is frequently stretched clear out
n the next day. when congress is toe
busy to adjourn at noon.
There are three kinds of clocks:
alarm clocks. rea clocks and wedding
clocks. Alarm clocks tell a man he
ought to get up by exploding in the
early morning hours with a soul
scarifying din, which they keep up un-
tA1 A&k vrs&kk = ~fnnfn XNp~vnaANs, ~n(nnS~~a
of alarm clocks were sold, but the
manufacturers are now making them &c
durable and effective that no one will
buy them. Alarm clocks are useful
but unpopular like alarm statesmen
Real clocks are kept on the mantle
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
An Astronomical Ailusion.
rroro tho rrAianono,a. 49,.

Booth Harrington was talking about the
,tage.
There were two Actresses in an early
play of m.ne." he said. both very beau
iifal; but the leading actress was thin.
Che quarrcled one day at rehearsal with
the other lady. and she ended the quarrel
BY saying h~aughtily:
Remember. please. that I am the star.
Yes. / know you're the STAR the 9TH
er setorted, eytng With IN amused smile
~ leading actrees' long. elm ngurA, but
ypefd Nook bettsr. my ooass. = 20 Wero .
Ntoo ne1eos."
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

piece and serve to keep the meals
waiting for the husband instead OF let
ting him wait for meals. Wedding
clocks are used for and ex-
ercise. After a man has wound a we'd
ding clock once a day for a year. he
has q magniicently developed thumb
and foreinger. but he is also as likely
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
BaCheIN'rs.

A bachelor is a mar who comes home
late on a cold, dark night and gets a
warm and ELUSIVE welcome from the
hat rack.
When a man has arrived at the age
of 80 without evincing the slightest
interest in the cost of living, at the in
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
VEST POCKET ESSAYS
BY George Fitch.
tluserstlsas ~ Wiaan oksvsae
BY George Fitch.
siustrstleas ~ WiMaam seevsne

Of several children. and t o give Mber-
ally to all foreign and domestic mis-
sions and to do all this on faith,
hope and charity. along with as
much Of q salary OF $500 q year as
he q collect himself. A great many
thousands Of ministers are doing all
this successfully. The preacher Is, In
fact. almost the only man who IL
not partly responsible for the high
cost of living.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
On Bills.

There are a great many Bills in this
nation who are greatly beloved. i'm
Guiding Bill Taft. Bill Bryan. Bill
White and others Of almost equal size.
both nationally and e~auatorially.
Bills which aren't. loved at all. They
wear their last names first and include
the well known and despised gas blu,
grocers bnl. coal bill, overdue bin ana
millinery bill It 70 OF these bills and
their IL that ~ propose . speak.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

creasing outrageousness of millinery.
he may properly be called a bachelor.
Bachelors are OF two kinds-selfmade
and girl made. The first kind is a man
who is too foolish to marry. The sec
ond kind is produced by women who
are too wise to marry. Owing to the
Uncomfortable Observation-Disclosures and
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

A great many very smart young
men who are making $4,000 a year and
are sitting up late at night in order
to spend it all on themselves, are
Inclined to make fun OF the poor and
peaceful preacher. who never goes to
prize fights and horse races and who
leads such an ingloriously unexciting
life,
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

This sort of Bill is q bigger NUS
ance than the mosquito bill and is
much more serious. No ree or
smudges can keep 1t out Of the home.
T cannot be settled by q slap Of the
hand. Cold weather has no effect upon
IL. II sneaks IN a happy household by
way OF the mail box; OF when the
window curtains and has stumbled
down stairs at 7 a. m. to answer the
door bell. it is waiting. In the hands
q . collector, to pounce upon him and
drain his pocket book dry.
B1llD arrive on tho 0sDt Of the month
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
COME TO BOISE. IDAn0

vvnere are more opportunities In Boise ana the Boise
st ais ana EFF ho N - other section OF tho United
ifn pues esow ana hox% msfs farmers. dairymen and
new settlers and you should Investigate advantsses
T +. n He.V.o seItling elsewhere In She Pacific Wea.
t veSfx r !dane.' I has Just published . handseme SOU
request. Send IN your ma me et once ana receivs III nj
oo0k absolutely free. Ihs lUssirsied Idsks G. 49, J lS.Hs
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
Unfair Pla,

Foul tactics." declared the quarter.
back.
Whats the trouble now?" demand
ed the referee.
Il tried a kick for the stomach. but
this fellow blocked It with his face"
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

as not to be living two weeks ahead of
the calendar and to be getting his
breakfasts in the afternoon.
Two classes of me are inveterate
clock watchers-lazy men and ambi-
tious men. The lazy man watches the
clock In order TO find out Just when
to stop working. The ambitious man
watches 1T to sc IL he can't crowd
more work into an hour than he did
the day before. Clocks are used in all
lines Of business. except on branch line
railroads where the trains are run by
tho almanac.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

The Elephaat-What an elegant
throat you have for . cool drinkl
The 0tra3e-Yes. Il 10 grand. But
gay, I wish I had q skin with q nice
breezy at like yours.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

Diphtheria, Quinsy and Tonsilitis begin
cure a sore throat in a day or two than to
be in bed for weeks with Diphtheria.
just keep Hamlins Wizard Oil in the
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

The man in trouble ii 20 much
right to believe that God win heie
him as he has to believe the sun viii
rise tomorrow.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

In Lies Twiliaht.
There is an evening twilight OF the
heart. when its wild passion-waves
are lulled to rest.-Halleck.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

Dr.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets eupe con.
stipation. Csnstipation u the cause of
many diseases. Cure the cause and you
:ure The dissase. Esy TO take.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

" It - safe to trust God N any
laing Il q safe to trust him 1. every:
thing.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
Herd TO Show Good Profit,

SOSN
The average cost Of feeding the cat
tie up to September 20, added to the
cost of purchase brings the expense of
each steer up to $62.S9. Captain Smith
expects to realize at least s120 for each
animal, which will leave "a handsome
profit after the cost of feeding from
September 20 to the present date has
been subtracted.
The yearlings will be displayed
alongside other herds that nave cost
upwards of 40 cents a pound to pro-
duce. The difference in cost is due to
the fact that the Smith herd was
scientifically fed on grain, while some
display animals are nourished on milk.
Steers Never Got Enough.
Captain Smith attributes his success
10 the fact that he never gave the
steers all they wanted to eat and never
increased the mount Of feed to great
proportions in order to secure an extra
half pound Of flesh during a day.
While On the sea I learned that 1T
takes 400 tons Of coal to drive a vessel
21 knots an nour," said Captain Smith.
while to drive the same boat % knots
an hour requires 600 tons Of coal. The
additional speed is not worth the ex-
pense. l figure the same with my herd.
If I can get a two pound daily Increase
on 10 pounds of fed I don't sec n
sense in doubling the feed to get an
extra half pound"
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

hide from the public. If Nature, how
ever. had grown collars from the
shoulder blades as she has grown nails
on fingers and toes. she would have
made the civilized life much more
worth living for men.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07
CHRISTMAS Posi- CARnS FREE

Bend = stamp for dye samples of my very choic.
ct Gold Bmbossed Christmas and Now YceI
tost cards; beautiful o0lors ana ~loveliest designs
Art Post Card Club. "a Jackson st.. Topeka, Kama.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

He will then stamp the bill on the
face with the word Paid" which rend-
ers 1t as harmless as a fly thai has
been stamped on the face with q fiat
ron
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

Soup made Of wasps - regarded -
. great lelicacy In China.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1911-12-07

Grand totals ...........4,529 2.OD
Total number days fed, 335.
day, 1875.
Average number pounds roughage per
head per day. 60.
The feed cost is totaled as follows:
Feed Cost
Ground corn, s,s42 lbs. at Coo wt......s21.s 81
Sfielled corn. 1853 lbs. at 40c bu........ 5.Si
oats, 1874 lbs. at Csc u.................. los
Alfalfa Hay. 1865 lbs. at $40 ton....... 6.S4
Glover Hay. 55S lbs. at $40 ton......... 2.79
Total sss7. 80
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1911-10-31
HORSEWHIPPED BY PROXY
Farmer Mistakes Alexander
Howell for John II. Tyson.
Try Telegraph 10 The TribunoJ


Greenwich. Conn, oct @0-John H.
TYSON. Of Riverside who has reputa-
ton for automobile speeding. was horse
whipped by proxy to-day by farmer
who said Tyson had crowded him of the
road on several occasions.
Tho man who acted as Tyson's proxy
though unintentionally, was Alexander
Howell. president OF the Howell Motors
Company and state agent for the Society
for the Prevention OF Cruelty to Ami
mails. Air Howell was turning the cor
rer Of Post Road into Riverside avenue
when he met a farm wagon in winch
were three men. As his car was passing
the wagon. the driver of the horse
reached out with his whip and cut Mr..
Howell twice with the LASH across the
head. leaving mark ard drawing blood
Mr.. Howell quickly stopped his car
Jumped out. grabbed the driver and, pull
ing him from the wagon, proceeded to
administer a good thrashing TO him, and
then informed him that ne was under
arrest Al this moment John BOles ap-
peared on the scene and, knowing the
farmer. asked him why he had attacked
Howell Then explanations were offered
The farmer said he thought Howell was
Tyson. He apologized and Howell de-
cided TO let him go.