davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18
a Strange situation.

"Humor is funny thing sald
Binks.
at ought TO be" said tho Phlloso'
pher ,s
"Oh. ! don't mean that way" said
Kinks. II mean that It is a strange
thing Now, I can't speak French
but can always understand French
ioke. and can speak English, but I'm
blest II can sec an English Joke
Most people are" said the PhIlo
sopher.
Are what?" said Blnks.
"Blest II they can see an Engllsh
ioke," said the Philosopher. ut Is
sign of an unusually keen vision -
| Harper's Weekly.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18

A story is going the rounds OF
couple of young people who attended
church recently. When the COLLECTION
was being taken up the young man
commenced fishing In his pocket iof
n dime. His face expressed his en-
barrassmcnt as no hoarsely WINS.
percd. Il guess haven't cent. !
changed my pants" Tho young lady
who had been examining the unknown
regions OF woman's dress for her
nurse. turned a pink color and said:
I'm In the same fix
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18
Can't Get Away From Lit

Worry, anxiety fear. hate, etc, etc, directly
interfere with or stop the flow OF Ptyahh, the
digestive Juice of tho mouth, and also inter.
fore With the flow of the digestive juices Oh
stomach and pancreas.
Therefore. the mental state of the individual
has much to do (more than suspected) Win
digestion
brain Is made of Phosphate OF Potash as
the principal Mineral Salt, added TO al6umen
and water.
CrapeNuts contain that element as more
than one-half OF all Its mineral salts.
A healthy brain is important. II one wouia
do things" in this world
man who sneers at Mind" sneers at the
hest and least understood part of himself,
That part which some folks believe links us
to the Infinite.
Mind asks for healthy brain upon winch
| IN act, and Nature has defined way to make
| a healthy brain and renew 1t day by day as 1t
| ia used up from work of the previous day.
| Natures way to rebuild is by the use OF
| fond which supplies the things required. BRAN
rebuilding material is certainly FOUND III
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18

John Burns. city prosecutor OF 81
Paul. was trying to show Judge Fine
bout why some young men ought to
he fined for tearing pickets on the
fence OF Mrs. Joe GoesIk. MIR Burns
said:
81 know Mike Chicket tore OF that
picket. and tho lady took offence.
mo lady is charged with taking q
fence" replied Judge Finehout, and
besides this is no place for poetry
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18

Ia Il uossible to nourish, strengthen ana he-
build the Brain by Food?
Every man who thinks uses up part Oh the
brain each day. Why don't It all disappear
ond leave an empty skull in say month Oh
brain work? Because the man reouiids eacn
day. $1,000.
II he builds little less than he destroys
hr,,r ,ap and nervous prostraton result sure
n ha builds back little more each day, the
hro,r yrows stronger and more capable. That
also ia sure Where does man got 'he h'"''i ,"'
a. rohpII5 his brain? Is 1t from air, sky or the
ioo NJ the Arctic sea? When you come 10
think about It, the rebuilding material must
be In the food and drink
That also is sure.
Are the brain rebuilding materials found IN
nil food? In a good variety but not IN suitaoie
proportion in all.
To illustrate: we know bones are maze large
,v of lime and magnesa taken from foou
therefore to make healthy bone structure we
must have food containing these thihsS' ".
wopld hardly feed only sugar ana rat TO MAKE
hoaithv hone structure in a growing child
Likewise II we would feed in skiiitui man man
ner TO insure getting what the nrain Iequ,..
for strength and rebuilding we must hrst know
n,bat che brain ia composed of and then selec
come article or articles (here are more thai
onel that contain these elements.
Ana,vsis of brain by an unduestionabi
authority. Geoghegan, shows Vi mi'u fphn,
phosphoric Acid and Potash combined tpho'
phate OF Potash) POI per cent OF the 'o'"
b33 of all mineral Salts.
This is over onehalf.
Beaunis, another authority. shows pho
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18
Ambiguous.

OblIging Shopman Ito lady who mas
purchased a pound of butter) -shail l
send II for you, madam?
L,ady-No, thank you. 1t won't Dc
too heavy for me.
Obltging Shopman no, madam
ri make 1t us light as possibly
can.-Punch
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18
Madn Il Necessary.

Horace Greedy invented tho type
writer"
"Where did you get that idea y
"Weu. that isn't exactly what !
mean, but his handwriting was prop
ably more responsible for 1t than any
other one thing"
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18
Foolish.

81 am going to ask your father
tonight for your hand in marriage
"TIow dreadfully old fashioned you
are"
I'm what way"
"Dopt ask him; tell him"
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18
.,neh ouinine for Brazil.

40 tor of quinine, divided into y.
,rr a. does recently formed a part OF
Tho cargo of a steamship from Ph'ia'
delphia to Brazil
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18
Vary Much Attached

swenson- Why do you always hear
n ship referred to as she?
henson guess It is because she
sometimes becomes very mhch AT
tached to a buoy.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18
r.. aetort piscourteous.

"you cruel man, Don't you Know
that your horse is half dead WIN IA
,,gneo" HE amt as dead MS tha'
bird on your hat."-Life.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18

That fellow Gotrox is n multIph-
IlonnIre He has more money than
brains"
We'll, what does ne want Win
brains7"
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18
Strictly Business.

Mrs. Knicker-Did you hold short
gession with your husband?
Mrs. Bocker-yes, merely had him
pass an appropriation bill.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18
Not Particular.

she-I heard Freddy Tickle has de-
c,dcd to marry and settle down to
particular girl.
Ue-Huh! She can't be.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18

When a married woman prays lot u
hat the Lord may ansyer her prayer
hut IT'S her husband who pays for II
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18

An artist is one who can create
that which has the power TO haunt
the mind
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1911-05-18

A woman's idea of a brave man Is
ono who isn't afraid to go into dark
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
Conquer the Foxtail

The Cooperative spirit In this val.
ley is what is attracting many peo-
pie. We can accomplish anything
we wish through concerted offort,
The determination of the Foxtail
would be quite possible II all should
unite and determine on its eradica-
ton. 1t has been done in other plac-
es, and can be done here. Some one
said to me today. Yes it is a bad
thing in the hay field but 1t does not
hurt an orchard" Yes it does! From
your orchard t flows to your neigh
bors hay field and hurts that, and
each spoiled hay field Injuries the val
ley. and what hurts the valley, hurts
you! Suppose you want to sellD
So indirectly, 1t is bad even in an or
chard.
Then some may say. ''If had only
10 acres / might manage it but when
one has go acres, it is a different pro-
position" No. it isn't. The one
who has 60 acres, should do six times
as much. People are not coming in
here TO put their money in land COW
cred In foxtail! A man said today
that the people We're plowing out
their hay fields. any way and put
ting them in orchards. That may
be but the orchardists have TO have
teams to work their orchards. and
they have to feed them, and they do
not want to feed them foxtail. There
are still many hay folds in this eoun.
try and there VIII be for some time.
and people will buy hay from the
home market sooner than ship II in,
provided il Is good hay SO the man
who has nay for sale will find It il TO
his financial advantage TO have good
hay.
Let US wake up! Let each man
telephone To his neighbors Il am ce-
ing after the foNtail at once. when
are you going TO begin?" BE alive
TO the situation. and let us rescue the
valley from the grip Of this obnox-
ious weed, VI. Z Smith.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
COLORADO is 0. K.
You Will Quit Kicking About
Weather when You Read
This Comparison

While you are in a Crouch and
about ready to resume your occupa-
ton as a kicker, and are thinking of
ugly things to say about Colorado
and the crops Just take up the Pro-
gressive and read the weekly crop re-
port from old Iowa and you will be
better contented man and viii be-
gin to think about chopping wood
for your wife to get a good square
meal from that garden grown by IT.
rigation and then sit out on the
porch and inhale the cool breezes
from the mountains.
Following we give the Weather
Crop Bulletin.
Des Moines, Iowa.
For the week ending July 9.lsll.
Excessively high tempature and
bright sunshine prevailed during the
first half of the week. the heated Pc
riod eliminating in maxium temper
ature considerably above 100 degrees;
the highest tempature reports being
Ill degrees in the southes stern coun-
tries. While showers occurred over the
larger part of the state on I he night of
the 9th. the drouth remains practi-
cally unbroken. The showers afford
ed temporary relief in narrow belts
and spots, covering probably three
fourths of the state. and few local
tiles reported rain fall sufficient for
present needs. but over the bulk o
the state the amount was too light
To give material benefit Most Of the
ably well. but some Of the earliest
planted, especially in the southern
counties. has been seriously injured
and II rain does not come soon the
the crop I'm those sections will be
light. Having and small grain har-
vest have progressed rapidly under
favorable conditions. Thrashing has
begun and early reports indicate
good quality and fairly good yield
OF winter wheat. The yeild of oats
varied from fifteen to thlrty-five
bushels. The hay crop will average
between one half and three fourths
ton per acre. Pasture afford but
little feed. and in many localities hay
Is being fed to stock. Potatoes and
garden truck show serious damage.
Wells are failing and water for stock
is getting scarce.
Geo. NJ. Chapel. Section Director.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
Special Notice

To the citizens OF Delta County -
The Colorado STATE Fair. will be
held at Pueblo. Sept lN' To Do next.
This VIII be our opportunity to
show to n great many people the
supremacy of Dslta County over any
other In the State as not only fruit
raising district but also Grain Pota
toes. Sugar Beets. Honey and many
other things.
II you are raising something that
you think might be a prize winner.
hope you Will take enough pride in
our Country. to save some OF the
best specimens for your local fair.
and for the State Fair, II SO telephone
l.. L. Ernst, Fruit inspector Pao-
MIA DIR. A. Z. Miller of Delta or the
undersigned at Hotchkiss. what you
have and we will get 1t and see that
1t is properly exhiblted.-PAuL Will
son. Vice President State Fair Asso-
citation for Delta County.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
The Fruit Outlook

ON Monday afternoon the writer in
company with W. F. Gorhmley. a
former acquaintance of Des Moines.
Iowa took drive over German
Mesa to see how the crop was look
ing. At the Conner ranch we saw
the owner picking apricots which he
sold to the canning factory at $50
per ton. Mr.. Conner has "A fine crop
of the early variety and his later and
larger ones are simply "a wonder.
Never before did we see trees so
loaded with fruit. He also has IA
splendid crop of peaches and apples.
What we have said of this fine or
chard il also true OF nearly all of the
orchards we passed. MIR. Ghormley
was greatly pleased with what he
saw of our fruit orchards and will
give IA good report to his many
friends in Des Moines. Other sections
of our valley are equally as good as
this part of German mesa.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
Good Boosting" for West

Among the many organ.Z ations
throughout Colorado anu bordering
states and territories which are put
ting their shoulders to the wheel and
uniting in promoting the welfare OF
and attracting immigration within
the confines OF this section The
Garden Spot Of the world, aud Land
OF Opportunities" the Colorado
Interstate Far and Exposition, the
fourth annual exhibition of which
Will he held on the beautiful, perma =
nent and well equipped grounds OF
this institution in Denver the coming
September 2pd to 18th inclusive.
Much effort Is being made to make
the event OF this year greater and
more valuable in every respect tina n
any previous exhibit, and il now
gives every promise to equal, If not
excel, the largest and most successful
of similar events held throughout t
the United States.
Institutions Of this character re
deserving, and should receive the
united earnest support Of every or
ganization and citizen who desire to
see the vast resources OF this section
properly exploited and developed
and the population and wealth at
tained which IL deserves.
This annual exhibition Is not held
for the benefit Of any particular 10.
callty, but for every part of Colorado
and its bordering states and terri
tories. IL l. for the benefit OF every
industry and citizen in this section.
The management wants you TO feel
that IL Is yours, for the purpose for
which It Is organized, and they would
be glad to hear from you with any
suggestions as to how they may has
ten the accomplishment of the pur-
pose. aud to know that they viii
have your support and assistance in
the work. Premium lists and other
literature pertaining to the exhibl-
tion can be obtained by calling or
addressing the Fair and Exposition
at their offices in the Tab or Opera
House Building. Denver.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20

The apricot crop is now coming In
and Is fine indeed. Prices are good
and some growers Will receive a con.
siderable sum for their crop.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
Doctor Shelton Coming

The Foreign Christian Missionary
Society has brought Doctor Shelton
home from Tibet for the purpose of
making n tour of America and visit
ing a number of missionary conven-
tions and while going across conti-
nent from the American Christian
missionary convention at Portland,
Oregon will stop over at Grand juno
ton for Sunday and has been Sc
cured for n Monday evening lecture
at the Christian church at Paonia.
The date is Monday evening, July
24th. Admission free and everybody
should hear the lecture.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
The Park Improvement

We believe every resident OF Pao-
MIA must be pleased with the pro-
gress made in the development OF the
Park.
But few peope realize how much Of
a valuation to put upon the perma-
nent buildings being constructed in
in the Park. A gentleman who
knows says that when the Pavilion
Is completed there Will be between
twenty five hundred and three thous-
and dollars worth ofbuildings on the
ground. Considerable OF this is lum-
Der donated by the town Council
have been told that some think
these are some men who are getting
a rake off at the skating rink, but
not so. aside from the actuallexpense
every dollar is being put into Mnd
for paying for these Improvement.
We are happy to state that so far
the proceeds are quite gratifying to
those who are pushing the PROPOSE
ton.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
Cedaredge VS.. Paonia

Last saturday the Cedaredge and
Paonia Y NJ {. AS. crossed bats on
the home grounds. the game having
been postponed from Wednesday uu-
til that date. The game was fast up
to the sixth inning when Cedaredge
punched their hits and scored FIVE
runs. Paonia bringing in two in their
half. Our boys were unable to bunch
up the hits; while the visitors put
four runs over I'm the eighth and six
in the ninth. We were surprised to
see such a small attendance at this
game. Every one enjoys a good clean
game of ball and why not give the Y.
NJ. {. A. "A share OF your patronage.
Following is the lineup:
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
BANQUET JULY 22
The Meeting Of Progressive
Republicans at Montrose
Of Interest to All

There will be quite a number Of
Republicans attend the Progressive
Banquet at Montrose July 22nd. In
vitations were sent out to those
whose names could be securd in or
der that there might be a good at
tendance, responses have reached Mr..
Moynihan from a large number and
the occasion promises to be one of
great interest and Importance to re-
publicans While Invitations have
been sent to many il was not the in
tention to limit the number to those
receiving invitations, but We are au.
thorized to say to all republicans
that they are invited and urged to
attend. The call for this meeting
has attracted much attention
throughout the state. A large num-
ber will be present from Denver and
representatives of the large daily
papers will be present.
Speakers of State of national repu-
tation will be there and all who at
tend Will have IAN opportunity to
hear these men present the views of
the Progressive element OF the,repub-
lican party.
1t is safe to say that this promises
to be the greatest political meeting
ever held on the western slope so far
as its influence on state politics is
concerned. 1t is admitted by a great
many of the leading men OF thecoun-
try that the Progressive ideas and
principles are here To stay and that
the reacriouary must and will be rel
egated TO the rear.
We say again in closing let every
republican who can do so attend this
meeting.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
Sunday School Rally
July 80 at City Park
At O'Clock p. IN.

At o'clock p. IN.
All the Sunday Schools of Paonia
Will take part. Purpose of Rally:
More interest and zeal by schools.
Leader. Rev. Stout. Each school
to meet at place of worship at $50
p. IN. Line of march: From Christian
church west ON Sd to Poplar avenue.
South on Poplar to end: west on End
to Grand; north on Grand avenue to
City Park. Order of march-Band,
Christian Sunday school LIST. NJ. Z.
End, Friends Sd. Congregational 18th
Programme at Park: Song. Pray
er. Talk to the Negligent Teacher,
Johnston. J Talk to the Children. C.
II Sickle. Song. Talk. Importance
of the sunday School. T. II. Lewis.
Talk. The Value of Time in the sun
day school. Selection by Band. Five
minute talks by the pastors: subject,
The Value of the Sunday school to
non-attendants. Song. Shall we
Gather at the River"
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
To the Fruit Growers of
Paonia and Vicinity

The first brood OF codling moth
worms IL now entering the Pupa
stage. The worms remain In this
condition two weeks then transform
into moths. This means the second
brood OF worms will appear shortly
after. A. II takes ave to seven days
for the new moth to lay eggs and
seven days for the eggs to hatch, the
the next spraying should begin July
Goth 1911. Every apple grower should
spray at this time. and I'm order to
make sure OF "A clean crop. spray
again two weeks later or the week OF
August seventh.
There are lots ofGreen Apple aphis
and woolly aphis ON most nipple trees
In Delta County. In order toproteet
your trees from these pests, spray
with Black Leaf tobacco one to sew
euty.five. Don't wait too long to
do this as the market value OF your
fruit IL apt to he le-sened.-L. T..
Ernst. Horticultural Inspector Delta
Dounty.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
Miss Winifred Hammond
Passed Away Last Night

Just before going to press word
came to us that Miss winifred Ham,
mond, daughter Of Mrs. Martha
Hammond, who has long been n SUI
ferer with diabetis, passed away last
night at the family residence on
Onarga avenue. Her death brings
pang OF sorrow to every one in our
community. Until two years ago
when her illness became of a serious
nature she took n good deal OF inter
est in affairs OF our city government
government and was well known to
all our people. The Hammonds are
pioneer settlers of our valley.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
A NARROW ESCAPE
Wife of Miner Halts Colorado
Express on Brink of 80
Foot Precipice
- 41NI&ti

Grand Junction, Colo. July l6.-
Mrs. f. A. Griffith. wife Of a miner a {
Ouray, this afternoon prevented the
Denver X Rio Grande's Colorado ek-
express. which left Denver for Grand
Junction Saturday evening at .
O'Clock, from crashing over "A bank
thirty feet high into the Grand:river
at point "a mile from Dominique.
This IL a small station between
whitewater and Delta
BY fiaging the train before 1t round.
ed a sharp curve and struck u land
slide caused by heavy rain that
covered the track. she undoubtly
saved the lives OF scores OF past
sengers.
Mrs. Griffith was walking along
the track on her way to Dominique
when she came on to the landslide.
Dirt and rocks Were heaped up on
the rails TO IA height OF several feet.
She saw that. a. soon as the train
struck the landslide. which could not
have been seen by the engineer on ac-
count OF the curve in the track,until
he was within IA few feet OF 1t, 1t
would be hurled over the bank into
the stream. which Is Hooded.
Determined to prevents IA wreck. she
ran to her home. and. taking her
baby and lantern. she returned TO
the spot. When the Colorado Ex-
press came in sight, she stood on the
track, around the curve. and waved
her lantern. The train was stopped
in the nick OF time. A purse oil SO
was made up among the passengers
and presented to Mrs. Grifiith.-Den-
yer News.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
Iowa Day, August Sd

Preparations for a great day Aug.
Sd as Iowa day are now being made
and It is expected that there will be
nearly as many people In Paunia on
that occasion as there was on the
fourth. Let every lowan be present
and let US have splendid time.
Next to Colorado we people of Iowa
think old Iowa is the best. We have
nothing but the best OF words to say
for Iowa but Colorado is better as a
home proposition.
At the Iowa day celebration there
will be a register in which every for
mer resident OF Iowa will be expected
to record their names. This registry
Will be published in the Paonia pa
pers, so II you wish to send copies to
your friends in Iowa or elsewhere
just give the papers the number OF
copies you want In time so they NAV
order enough to so around.
Iowa Day Committees:
Finance, Fred Emry. Band. Paist,
Speaking, II. j. Baird. Vocal Music.
Pete Curtis. Badges. Miller. Pro-
gram, French and Graham. Amuse.
ments, Honnold, Evans and Max
VILE. Judges, Ruddick and Bross.
Starter, AFFORD.
The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper., 1911-07-20
Quietly Married

Tuesday evening OF this week, J ohm
1. Martin, one OF Paonia's pioneer
settlers, and Mrs. Florence Davis.
also OF this city, were quietly married
ut eight o'clock at the NJ. f. parson-
age, Rev. Vermlllion OF the Metho-
dist church officiating. They will
make their home in Paonia and have
the best wishes OF a host of friends.