The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-07-16

There Is one thing tnat no indH oe
 sires to have, yet no man wishes to lose. and that is. bald head. The man
 does not live who has not been pro foundly regretful at the gradual de- parture of his hirsute adornment, ano in nearly every instance he has been liberal with his money and lavish with
 his time in staying off the day when comb and brush are no longer neces-
 sary and he can part his hair with a towel.
 Some one has said-and 1t may be truc-that brains and hair will not grow in the same place, also that there are no bald heads in the insane asy- lum There are numbers of leading and prominent" citizens of Birming
 ham whose craniums are as devoid of hair as a goose egg who, needless to
 say, endorse the foregoing sentiments,
 and it is ten to one shot 1t was a baldhead who first gave them expres- si m.
 The man with an "untha tched dome plays an important part in the drama ot life, or is it not rather comedy drama Without him the jokesmith would have to double up on some oi the standard jokes. and the front rows
 of the average theater would serve as the Inspiration of a poem, the counter part of Goldsmith's deserted village. As was stated, there are many mer in Birmingham whose hair Is in the in- tcrmediate stages of going, going, gone," from the microscopic spot to the high forehead of Solon Jacobs that reaches to the back of his neck, and from ear to ear.
 Every baldheaded man has had more or less experiences in which his chaste and spotless dome has played part. Many of them would make interestfn reading, but owing to space and the txx,a xxyi1I nf be sufficient, and as ''ye editor" re-
 marked-himself a hfghbrow-enough n and a plenty.
 There are few men in the Birming- ham district better known than Eugene Fies. Few men can boast greater ex- panse of arid desert than Gene exposes
 when he raises his $10 Panama. He is one
 of those fat, jolly, clever individuals, who shed joy and sunshine on the sometimes dreary pathway of life, and helps to make the world brighter and better. He is all that, and then some. Eugene has always taken great fn- terest in the affairs of the city, and has been ever ready to join any movement having for its aim the betterment of the city and the general good. When the campaign against the com mon housefy began in earnest, Gene as usual got much interested, and he heartily endorsed the swat the fly movement. Is there baldheaded man in the universe who wouldn't? Not content with merely endorsing the movement, he put his abundant and fertile brain to work to devise ways and means by which the pest could be further extinguished or diminished. At last he hit upon a plan both dar- ing and original, and with his usua vim he proceeded to put 1t into execu' ton.
 Now he is willing to make an affida vit that the favorite amusement or the lively fly in the summertime is roller skating, and the aforesaid flies had discovered that nice. highly polish et bald cranium is an ideal place to GU the figure eight. He was also willing 6 to make another affidavit that at leas sO65 of the pestiferous little insects did a daily stunt on his partlcuial
 rink" and he was further willing tt
 bet 10 cents worth of Pittshurg stogie' that every other bald head would tes
 tify to the foregoing being true ane
 correct statement of his own expert ence.
 The plan his giant intellect had de yjsed was simply this: He would have
 his bald head painted with hard ename and highly polished. so that when tht flies attempted to do their usual Walt. Me Around Again Willie" on 1t the, would slip off and break their neck' and cie by the hundreds. He figured out that while the fly swatter nigh clay his thousands, his plan would sla, tens of thousands, nay millions, ant the annoying pest would become exter minated and extinct.
 On his way up town to put his plar Unto execution his mind was filled witt visions of being universally hailed al Lone of the greatest benefactors of thu Iage and in his minds eye he was ac corded a niche in the hall of fame Gene had his top piece coated witl l thick layer of enamel. which took or
 a polish as slick as aIshort change ar l tist at third rate circus.
 | As he started back to his place O | business he met Harry Jones, who pro ceeded to relate one of his inimita bl, Sunday school yarns. Gene has keel sense of humor, and when he laughs | his jolly face is wreathed in wrinkl @, | that reach half way down his back Just as Harry reached the climax O his story Gone let out guffaw tha could have been heard two block 5 which quickly changed, however, into yoll you could have heard half a mile | With his head in his hands so t,
 speak, he lit out for home at a speet
 that would have done credit to an In dian runner.
 Harry gazed at his fleeing friend il | asr sronishment, aud said, If I didn'
 know this is prohibition town,
 would swear Gene had been drinking, land went on his way wonderinl
 whether he had at last been guilty O ItellinU rotten joke or ancient yarn