davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
A Substantial Bone.

So many witnesses had queered his
clients cases by swearing that the
shots they had heard in a shooting at
fair were only thirty seconds apart
that when pressed to tell what they
were doing when each report was
heard. naming actions so dissimilar
that it must have taken ut least ten
other, the criminal lawyer swore that
he would maintain consistency above
all things in his latest case. Gustave.
the Swedish janitor had heard two
shots fred at the injured man, and
the lawyer impressed upon him the
importance of swearing that he was
engaged IN the same task ut each shot.
In the course of the trial it was
brought out that the shots had been
fired a month apart, the first being
merely a little target practice that did
no harm, the second inhicting a seri-
Gus wound. But there was no time to
coach Gustave anew. Said the law
yer;
what were you doing when the
first shot was fred?"
Il was sitting in the kitchen gnaw.
ing chicken bone" said GusIave.
"And what were you doing when the
second shot was fired? BE careful
how you answer
II was sitting in the Kitchen" said
he, "gnawing that same chicken bone"
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
THE MAGIC BOTTLE.
II Told a Tale, Yet the Wife Didn't
Chide Her Husband.

When the young couple married a
friend who laid claims to being some
what of a magician presented them
with tall bottle of transparent liquid,
instructing them to place it upon their
mantel and explaining that if either OF
them ever dared to flirt the contents
of the bottle would assume a murky
color.
After they had been married year
the wife went to the seashore for a
vacation. In her absence her husband
frequently entertained a group OF
bachelor friends with amusements
thoroughly bachelor-like, but innocent
enough. The guests inquired as to the
significance of the tall bottle on the
mantei, but the host persistently re-
fused to divulge the secret. Finally
on the night before the day set for
his wife's return he explained the
meaning of the mysterious bottle.
One of the guests, who was much
given to practical joking, surreptitious-
" removed the cork of the bottle, into
which he emptied the contents of his
fountain pen. When the bottle had
been thoroughly shaken it was re-
placed upon the mantel and carefully
concealed behind large photograph.
The next day after the wife had re-
turned in busting the mantel she re-
moved the photograph, thus revealing
the tall bottle with its sable contents.
She very promptly took the bottle to
the sink, emptied it. rinsed it out thor
oughly, filled it with clear water and
replaced it on the mantel.-Judge.
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28

young man who sometimes drank
more whisky than was good for him
had been making a night of it, but
had forsaken his companions. He was
acquainted with an undertaken named
George and got the crazy notion mt 3
O'Clock in the morning that he must
see this particular man. Accordingly
he found Georges undertaking estab
lishment. over which George had his
sleeping apartments.
The intoxicated young man rang and
rang Georges bell and ut last awoke
him. The undertaken put his head out
of the third story window, expecting
to find that his funeral services were
required immediately Instead he rec
ognized his friend Frank.
well. Frank" he exclaimed GROSSLY,
"what do You want:"
Il just wan tell you. George" said
Frank. that you're the lash man in
the world wan to do business WITH
Popular Magazine.
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28

A travelling man WAS stranded over
Sunday in small town in the west
where there was street fair in prog
ress He walked about and could find
nothing to do until he came upon a
place where various prizes were of
fered for knocking over rag dolls by
throwing baSeballs at them-three
shots for a nickel.
He threw three balls and hit nothing.
He tried three more and hit nothing.
He invested several more nickels and
still had no luck
Finally he went back to his hotel in
disgust and wrote to his wife:
Dear Wife-You cannot imagine
how lonesome | am here. Indeed,
bave been missing the children all the
afternoon. Saturday Evening Post.
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
Why He Wept.

Many good stories are told about the
great house of Rothschild. One of the
most amusing is that of the poor Jew
who when Baron Lionel died is said to
have stood at the entrance to the
Rothschild mansion weeping bitterly.
His apparent distress touched the
heart of one of the porters, who. try
ing TO console him. said. Don't carry
on so. old man; it isn't as if you're
one of the family"
Zach. OATS w cry" exclaimed the
man. with fresh food of tears.
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
MADE HIS POINT CLEAR.
And Got His Cross Examiners Goat at
the Same Time.


the Same Time.
The following anecdote of the late
well known English actor and musl-
clan, Tom Cooke, is included by Mr.
+. i. Wellman in his Day In Court
and affords a good illustration of the
important part played by emphasis and
accent:
At a trial between certain music
publishing houses as to an alleged pira-
| cy of a popular song Cooke was sub
poenaed as an expert witness by one
of the parties. On his cross eXamina-
ton by Sir James Scarlet that learn
ed gentleman rather flippantly ques-
| toned him thus:
"Sir, you say that the two melodies
are the same, but different. Now, what
do you mean by that?'
To this Cooke promptly answered,
81 said that the notes in the two cop
les are alike, but with different ac-
! cent, the one being in common time
and the other in siX-eight time, and
| consequently the position of the accent
of the notes was different"
Sir James-What is a musical ac-
| cent?
Cooke-My terms are 8 guineas a
| quarter, sir
! Sir James-Never mind your terms
here. l ask you what is musical ac-
cent? Can you see it?
! Cooke-No, Sir James.
| Sir James-Can you feel it?
| Cooke-A musician can.
| Sir James very angry)-Now, pray,
| sir. don't beat about the bush, but eX-
! plain to his lordship and the jury, who
! are expected to know nothing about
music The meaning of what you call
/ accent.
! Cooke-Accent in music is a certain
! stress laid upon a particular note in
! the same manner as you would lay a
stress upon a given word for the pur-
pose of being better understood. Thus
| if | were to say "You are an ass the
! accent rests on ass. but if | were TO
4 say "loH are an ass" it rests on you
/ Sir james.
Reiterated shouts Of laughter by the
whole court. in which the bench itself
/ joined, followed this repartee.
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
HNpnotic Triumph.

II had patient who WAS very i'll and
who ought To have gone to Il warmer
climate. but whose means were INSULT
cient. 50 | resolved to try what hyp-
notism would do for him. had a
large sun painted on the ceiling of his
room and by suggestion induced him
to think it was the sun which would
cure him. The ruse succeeded. and
he was getting better rapidly when
one day on my arrival found he was
dead"
Did it fail. after all. them" asked
the doctors hearers.
No" replied the doctor; he died OF
sunstroke. Circle Magazine.
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
County Seat Fight to be Warm.

CARSON Jan Reymers of Lyon County is having
onbe the with bill providing
moval of the county seat from Dayton to Yerlngon
His bill first referred to the Lyon delegation and when
Reymers call for the bill brought and referred
o the on counties and county boundaries
Reymers moved to make consideration of the bill
order he did receive second.
though the Democrat keep the
hold the the assembly
did with the Democrats.-Reno Gazette
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
The Ideal In Nenison.

Among Mrs. l.. T. WalfordS stories
in her "Recollections of Scottish
Novelist" Is one of II cook who came
to her family from ducal lodge and
positively declined any suggestions as
to the stage ut which venison ought to
he eaten. ME not know when vcni
son Is fit for the table" she said, "me
that have sent it mp when the ladies
was fainting all round and the duke
said 1t WAS butiful"
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
Not a Rehearsal.

The inquisitive man saw a hearse
start away from a house at the head
of funeral procession.
"Whos deadT; he asked the corner
grocer. who was standing in his door
watching the funeral start.
"Chon Schmidt" answered the gro
Ger.
John smith, exclaimed the other.
You don't mean to say John Smith is
dead?''
"Vell, py golly," rejoined the grocer,
''vot You dink dey doing nit him
practicing. hey New York World.
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
Act Well Your Part.
IFrom "Essav on Man,"l

From Essay on Mani
Honor and shame rom no condition rise.
Act well your part-there all the honor
lies.
Fortune in men has some small diff'renee
made
One flaunts IN rags. one fiutters in bro
cade,
The cobbler aprond and the parson
gown'd.
The friar hooded and the monarch
crown'd.
what differ MORE you cry. than crown
and COVE"
I'll tell you. friend. a wise man and =
fool
Youll find if once the monarch acts the
monk
Or cobbler-like, the parson will be drunk.
Worth makes the man and want of II the
fellow.
The rest is all but leather or prunela.
Pope.
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
The Charms She Lacked.

An English diplomat at a dinner in
London told this story ON Mrs. Lang
try, the once famous Jersey Lily:
when Mrs. Langtry was at the
summit of her beauty and her fame
when crowds followed her in Bond
street and the ROw-she met ut a semi
royal dinner an African king.
Mrs. Lan2try, dazzling in her beauty,
sat beside this king. She was In good
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
Onnortunitv's Mistak

This is the opportunity of lifetime
madam" declared thesmoothed tongued
canvasser as he stood at the door.
seems to me I've. heard that be
fore" thought the housewife.
Opportunity knocks at every ones
door, but only once" continued the
caller.
That's where you're mistaken,
young Teller" snapped the woman as
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28

she reached behind her opportunity
has knocked at my door eight times
this week 50 far. I'm out $40 an
nothin' to show fer it. Jest in case he
should knock again | ben savin' this
kettle o hot suds"-
But opportunity departed hurriedIy.
-WOman's Home Companion.
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
CUTTING Il Short.

Old Farmer Donald Macdonald was
induced to attend Il concert After
several solo performances duet was
commenced. when Donald turned to
his friend and remarked:
Dye ken. Tammas, now it's got 10
10 o'clock they're singing iva ut a
time SO as to get done soonerV
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28

spirits, ana she did her very best to
amuse and please him. And she must
have succeeded, for at the dinners close
he heaved deep sigh and said to her:
"'Ah. madam, if heaven had only
made you black and fat you would be
irresistibler"
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
More Excuses.

for several weeks in
been combination of circumstances
of His has sufficiently
ed home but he will be unable to do much
work that subscribers and those
job printing will bear with for little while
longer regret than do.
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28

"You ought to study French"
What for:"
ITO read the bin of fare"
MY money talks all languages"
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28

''Will this horse shy at autos?"
No
lie won't do wanted him for
my mother-in law"
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
Felt For Bill.

"Bill's married"
as that soT'
He is"
Lets send him a letter Of sympa-
thy"
Yerington times. [volume] (Yerington, Nev.) 1907-1932, 1911-01-28
Strong Enouqh.

"You say we ought to use some dis
infectant after the measles"
YES"
"Wouldn't my husbands breath dor"
The Hawaiian gazette., 1911-09-26

Portuguese. IN Hawaii, living as they
were in a republican country as hos
pitable as America had always been to
his people, should properly and tittingly
celebrate the first anniversary of the
establishment of the republic in good
old Portugal. His words stirred the
audience and in moment the gather
ing was enthused with the subject at
hand.
A motion, properly made and second
ed was carried that committee of
seven, of which the Portuguese consul
would be chairman, should be appointed
to devise ways and means to insure a
proper observance of the day.
Mr.. Canavarro appointed the follow
ing committee: Chairman, A. de s.
Canavarro, NJ. A. Gonsalves, j. A. R.
Vieira, Joao Baptista Melim, Jose
Comes Faria, Lionel P. c. Correa and
Capt. Joaquin A. Gonsalves.
It was the opinion Of the meeting
that there should be reception and
dance at the Lusitana Hall on Thursday
evening, October 5, to which all Ameri-
can federal, territorial and municipal
officials and the Portuguese colony in
general should be invited.
Moving pictures and magic lantern
slides and appropriate addresses viii
give the audience vivid pictorial and
vocal idea of the change of government
which was brought about on the 9th OF
October last year, when King Manuel
was exiled to England and Theophilo
Braga and his republican confreres as
sumed the reins of government in Por
tugal.
The Lusitana grounds viii be illu
minated with thousands of red and
green lights, the new Portuguese ma
tional colors. The official flag of Re
publican Portugal will be exhibited FOL
the first time officially by the, consul a
this function.
The Hawaiian gazette., 1911-09-26
DIR. WILCOX BACK
WITH RANCE GRASS

~ brought back with me large
lot of range grasses which / shall ex-
pertinent with for the ranges of Ha
vail, - said DIR. f. V. Wilcox, director
of the federal experiment station, on
his return from the mainland yester-
day.
"There will be a question some day
concerning our own meat supply and
to better our supply was one of the
reasons for my visit to the mainland.
/ went all over Oregon, Washington,
Idaho, Montana and Utah, and collected
such range grasses as believe will be
beneficial to the Territory.
"The people here are now consuming
considerable Australian meats which
come here chilled. They may eat more
unless we increase our supply of meats
from our own ranges.
'sThere is a remarkable lot of inter
est concerning Hawaii on the mainland,
Tourists will come here in large mum
beers, that is assured, but aside from the
tourist business, there is the question
of providing for people who want "a
come down here TO locate. One of the
things that should obtain here for those
who want to take up lands is lack OF
strings attached to the public lands.
II il is known to prospective home
steaders that they can come here aut
tako up lands, with no strings to then
NJ all, there will surely be a great in
aux Of the very people we want.
found a tremendous amount Of interes
In the Islands and had 10 answer |
multitude OF questions concerning them
Gin Montana, where they attach ~
strings 20 taking up lands and wher
the cost for them Is reasonable, / fonni
tho country building hp wonderfully
10 Judith Valley, which has almost 90
s area II ilawaih up 10 three years az
very little vas done thorc md peopl
WHO bought for i've " "a dollars q
acre sefe considered sfgng. Nos fh
pFonsFiY rms ~ forty I'D ffig do
lars ~ afie sad ihe place u booming.
The Hawaiian gazette., 1911-09-26
MATES AND
PILOTS PROTEST

A long communication from the local
Harbor of the American Association of
Masters, Mates and Pilots, protesting
against the action of the harbor com
missoners in dismissing Captain Trip
and appointing W. R. Foster has been
received by The Advertiser, the sub
stance of which is this: ~
The commission has sighted the
Harbor by not acknowledging receipt of
letter asking for an interview for
Harbor committee. When the inter
view was finally arranged, for yester
day. the commissioners failed to keep
their appointment and gave the Harh9.
committee the impression that an eff
fort was being made to sidetrack us.
Yesterday, Superintendent Campbell
told the committee that Trip was dis
missed for total Incompetence and will
full disobedienee, while the letter sent
to Captain Trip was loud in praise of
his competency and said that no
fault had ever been found with his
work. If the desire of the commission
had been to better waterfront condi-
tions, the Harbor could have recon-
mended several competent candidates
for the position, the members believing
that they are entitled to issue a recon-
mendation from the fact that they help
support the legislative committee at
Washington which works for aids to
local navigation. Captain Trip should
be given an opportunity of showing his
fitness for the position under the new
rules. Mr.. Foster has not the qualifica-
ton for the position and was appointed
because of "pull." In support of
this allegation the "Honolulu News
Letter" in the Maui News is quoted.
This. in brief, is the letter, its great
length preventing publication in full.
Captain Tullett, who called on The Adj
vertiser, states as his personal opinion
that Mr. Foster is quite unqualified to
take Captain Trips place and believes
that some members of the commission
are "pulling the wool over the eyes of
the Others"
The Hawaiian gazette., 1911-09-26
philip |. RICE WINS
SAN DIEGO BELLE
go -
AHW -

2. SAN DIEGO, California, September
513.--At high noon yesterday an impress.
-siHe and beautiful wedding ceremony,
possible only, in the semitropies, was
fsolemnized under the fringed palms in
the court of Hotel del Coronado, unit
sing in marrige two well known young
society people of San Diego and Ha
I5asaii.
The bride, Miss Flora Benton, is the
daughter of Mr.. and Mrs. Robert Har-
rison Benton of San Diego County, and
is popular in local social circles. Philip
LaYergne Rice, the bridegroom, is a
member of a prominent Hawaiian fam
lily, the son of Mr.. and Mrs. William
Hyde Rice of Lihue, Kauai, Territory
of Hawaii. The four Rice sons are
famous as the Rice polo team in the
1 Hawaiian Islands.
The setting chosen for the ceremony
seemed most fitting for the elimination
of pretty romance that had its begin
ming little more than two summers
ago when the bride was a house guest
at the home of Mr.. Rice 3 sister at
Kauai The bride was unattended and
wore a gown OF white satin with an
oNefufehs OF NIX qhlhelte trimmer ~
pearls aud rare lace. She carried q
bouquet of bride roses aud wore "A filmy
veil which enhanced her loveliuess Onls
the immediate relatives were present 4
witness the ceremony. The tapping Of
the waves on the seashore and the soft
breezos seemed 70 whisper an Aloha Z
from far away Hawaii During The
ceremony, which was performed by Hev
Charles Barnes Of ~ Paul'r Episeoaa
church. the coronado orchestra pinyes
the Lohcugrin wedding march Ia los
tones. Afief ihe benedlffion had heul
nraaouneei md congratulations -
eeifei aui ahlle she patty VAS HsYin.
acfoss tses lawn sender $50 lhlmf ~
rtff stratus Of tt'rhe sNeeiefi Hisa
The Hawaiian gazette., 1911-09-26
NEW LINER TO Be
FAST AND R0OMY

The great shlpbuilding firm of
Messrs. John Brown Sons, builders
Of the Cunard liner Mauretania, have
been awarded the contract for the con
struetiou of the new Canadian-Aus-
sIalian 1900 ton liner, the first of
three big vessels to be built for the
Canadian Australian Steamship Com
pauy since the completion of the new
subsidized Arrangements.
The new mammoth liner will be 52S
feet in length and Sc feet beam. Her
contract calls for an average speed
Of II knots. The vessel will be fitted
With combined reeiprocating and tnr.
bine engines. Passenger accommoda
tions win be provided for 500 people
including first, second and third class
1t is expected that the new passenger
steamship win be completed by the
summer of 1912, and she will make hei
hTst trip from Sydney to Vancouver il
December of that year.
The Hawaiian gazette., 1911-09-26
CHICAGO TRIBUNE MAN
SIZING UP H0N0LU LU

H. J. Handy, of the Chicago Trib1ne
stan, is in the city as a through pas
senger on the China, returning from
the Philippines, where he has been BE-
curing the data for series of articles
on FILIPINO conditions He has brought
back some lntefestiag particulars OF The
littie brown brothers, but not q very
high opinion OF them as workers,
Daring the few hours Mr.. Handy Is
spending IN the city he has been busy
gathering some information regarding
the Japanese sltnation' Ia Hawaii,
concerning which he says. theq s. e.
ways more or lees talk On the mhinland.
Late yesterday aftcFnoon ho had fail.
% y locate auy "diuaiiou So far
~ be could zee, every uailon aefe was
bnsg building ~ iioualulu aai mind
ing ~ bganen
The Hawaiian gazette., 1911-09-26
TO
Celebrate DAY.
Anniversary Of Founding VI Re.
public 10 Be Observed
October S.

somewhat over a huudfsd Portuguese
patriots, mostly American eitizons. met
last night ne san Antonio Hall on the
Invitation Of His Exeelleney Antonio de
souza Canavarro, eonsulgeneral Of the
Republic Of Portugal in Hawaii, to de-
wise ways and means to celebrate che
first anniversary Of the establishments
Of a republican government in Portu-
gal.
Promptly ut seventhirty o clock Mr..
Canavarro called the meeting to order,
inviting his private secretary, M. j.
Coito, to act as secretary of the meet
ing. Mr.. Canavarro explained the
purpose of the gathering; said that it
was eminently fit and proper that the
The Hawaiian gazette., 1911-09-26
SCHOOL ROOM
IS At PREMIUM
But Department Is Busy Trying
to Fix Up Accommodation
for Everyone.

Willis t. Pope, superintendent of edu-
cation, has the corrugated brow these
days, for he has lot to worry him.
He is busy answering letters and call
ers, and in the meantime he is trying
to arrange for school accommodation
for the cIamoring hundreds. Matters
are strengthening out in fine style, and
he is in hopes that soon everybody will
be satisfied with matters scholastic pro-
eeeding calmly.
He was quite ready to think that the
story that The Advertiser published
yesterday regarding conditions at Wal
luku was quite correct. So far he has
not had any adequate reports from that
locality. At Lahaina, he said, private
school had lately started and this had
been the means of taking a lot Of pu-
pills from the local school. This, how
ever, was not considered as a cause for
worry, for private schools usually
''peter out" pretty soon, said Mr..
Pope.
Things were going along as well as
could be expected on this island OF
course, he had not been able to ar
range for the accommodation of all, but
this was being done as rapidly as pos
sible, and he trusted that soon there
would be no lack of room.
On Kauai, the opening day showed
the following attendanees: Rilauea,
! 1873 pupils, Anahola As, Hanamaulu 1877,
7, Lihue 286, Kalaheo 1l5 and Hanapepe
3l1. These figures, however, are not
regarded as a fair criterion of the en-
rollments, as 1t is stated that the first
few days always show a large percent
age of absentees.
The Hawaiian gazette., 1911-09-26
commissioners ARE
FIRM FOR FOSTER
Pilots and Captains Association
Can Not Make Commissioners
Change Their Plans.

There was a special session of the
harbor commissioners yesterday to re-
ceive a delegation from Honolulu Har-
Dor No, "a, consisting of Captains Tul-
lett, Bennett, Gregory, Simerson and
Chief Officer Berg. The object of the
delegation was 70 ask the commission
ers to reseind the appointment as har-
bSrmaster Of William r. Foster, who
Win take up his dulles on October j.
The commissioners refused 20 disturb
the arrangements they had made.
The commissioners replied that they
wanted cooperation from all kindred
bodies aud had the society come for
ward with any ideat 90 the matter they
would have bean very welcome. They
wanted suggestions from those interest
"a ID the managcmeut Of the hqrb0r and
~ aaair. sud they would BE- nppFe.
dated The ufaseat 10 FeEtiad the APP
noIpiihenii however, could not be ne'
fNIaII 90 eassitf.l 'N.
,fhs session wa poi ynsy lsue one