davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
Panama Canals Competitor.

The Panama fertilization issue has
raised the interesting question whether
the Atlantic-Pacihc route via the Te-
huantepec Railway will compete sue
cessfully with the Panama Canal when
the latter will be open to traffic.
This Mexican trans-isthmian line,
since its opening, some four years ago,
seems to have been quite successful in
connection with steamship lines on
either ocean, but it owes much to the
Hawaiian steamer line bringing sugar
from Honolulu and taking back general
argoes for Pacific coast ports and the
islands. In addition to steamship rates,
there is the cost of two transfers of
cargo and rail transportation 100 miles
across wide isthnus; but, on the other
hand, the distance by water is LILO
miles less than by way of Panama, short
ening the water voyage for freighters
some three or four DAYS
The Engineering News, which is our
authority for this discussion, figuring the
ocean freight rate at only one-half mill
per ton (Which is very low, calculates
the saving at s. cents a ton on a trip
between San Francisco and New York
Assuming ST ton as the toll on the
canal, there would be an advantage of
SI.5S to be offset by. the cost of ham
ding by the railroad from ocean to ocean,
which is set down at $I-44 This would
seem to give small advantage to the
Tehuantepec route, but there would be
a difference in the cost of handling per
ton, according to the character of the
merchandise carried.
This might lead to differentiation of
routes for different classes of traffic
In other words, that which would be
best for sugar from Hawaii might not
be equally advantageous for other kinds
OF cargo. Besides, the canal toll would
be under control of the government and
might be adjusted with view to pro-
noting traffic. rather than return Of
revenue for the stockholders.
Such competition, IN any case. would
b confined to trade between the two
coasts Of the continent nDrth q. Te.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
A Balmy Day in January.

Perhaps between now and the verlal
equinox there will come snow and
frosty winds. There are the storms of
February and the blustery discomforts
of March to be endured ere the fra
GRANGE of the violet or the welcome fresh
ness of the budding leaf will charm our
senses. Let US be thankful. however,
that in between the rigors of the winter
solstice and the renaissance of a spring
time world there has come to US a day
wherein nature gave a foretaste of her
awakening. Such day was yesterday
"a day with a golden sun beaming
warmly out OF blue and cloudless sky,
and with the air stirred gently by the
tropic-heated breezes of the south.
On such day it was delight to live
in Washington. One forgot the mean
and miserable days when dirty. mushy
snow lay like an unclean covering over
all the streets. The sting of winter
seemed to have departed, and in the
parks one almost looked to find the home
returning birds. There was balm and
consolation in the air. The blood, so
sluggish during all the winter months,
flowed with freer pulse. and every
muscle responded TO an unusual thrill
The whole world vibrated with ecstatic
hope, and leaden feet danced to note
of JOY.
A balmy day in January! No matter
what may come, let US be thankful that
for few brief hours old Winter hid his
wrinkled, ugly face and let us gaze
upon the fairer countenance OF approach
ing Spring.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
THOSE BROTHERS AGAIN

We had an idea that our dear
old friend O'Digman Swat was
thinking Of moving TO Washington
permanently when we met him
yesterday in the oficr of Kennedy
Brothers. home builders. but he
was quick to assure US that he
was only thinking of buying a home
for his young cousin, Cornelius
O'Swat, Of Headache. Pa We
went from there to Miller Brothers.
where O'Swat wished to look at
some automobiles. as his aunt,
Mrs. Grady O'Swat, had expressed
a hope for an automobile funeral.
He took an option on a car. a
rather elaborate one, as it is be
heyed that his aunt has money. l
went with him then to Lansburgh
Brothers, where he had to buy
some chenille curtains for the bou-
DOR of Helen Satoris OSwat, his
sisters second daughter BY her first
marriage. and after that We went
to Friedlander Brothers, to get
O'Swat a sweater for his sister. Be
fore going home, however, he in
sisted on dropping into Corby
Brothers to get some fresh-baked
cakes to take home To his grand
child, Patrick Henry O'Swat. and
it was only then that he exclaimed,
as he paid the bill: "Begurra, here
we are again in this brother busi-
ness. Phwat's the reason brothers
stick 50 close here in Washington"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
Legal Status of an Umbrella.

The fact that judicial decision has
been rendered to the effect that umbrel-
las on rainy day are public property
fixes the legal status of an essential
article in our daily life.
An umbrella differs from most forms
of personal property in that its Office
and utility are. in a sense. lmpersonal.
1t adapts itself perfectly to the needs Of
any person who may have possession of
it. AS the rain descends upon the Just
and the unjust. so does the umbrella
shield the one as well as the other from
its damaging effect Moreover, an UNI
brella has the unusual faculty of in
gratiating itself with new acquaintance.
A perfect stranger may feel at home,
especially on rainy day, with an UNI
brella which he had never seen before.
Old friendships count for nothing with
an umbrella 1t will give the same pro-
lection and comfort to an impudent
usurper as to one who has owned it for
years. These things stamp the umbrella
as a thing apart. not to be governed by
the ordinary rules of law applicable to
personal property.
Incidentally. it may be remarked that
this ruling is not without precedent
Some dozen years ago an English judge
rendered similar opinion, to- wit, that
umbrellas partook of the nature of
animals ferae naturae. or wild by ma
ture. which belonged to whomsoever
might capture them so long as they re-
manned in his possession. Having once
passed out of the hands of the original
owner. they returned into the vast and
indivisible worlds stock of umbrellas,
into which the law refuses to follow.
Altogether. we say this decision has
much to commend it, and should appeal
with especial force to those of us who
wish to be spared the inconvenience of
purchasing umbrellas for ourselves.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
SATURDAY, JANUARY IS, 1911.
No Execution as to Fairgrounds.

Once again Congress is to be asked to
decide whether the entire burden of the
city's Fairgrounds shall be placed upon
the people of the District or whether IT
shall be borne equally by the District
and the Federal government.
There ought to be no doubt as to the
decision. There is no more reason why
this entire appropriation should be paid
out of the District revenues than that
the government should fail to pay one
half of the other expenses included IN
the District appropriation bill. The
Fairgrounds are a public institution,
They are for the benefit of all children,
irrespective OF color and social condition,
and especially without regard to whether
their parents are strictly bona flde resi-
dents here. The money. when appropri
ated will be disbursed under the system
of local and Federal audit In fact. this
appropriation is part of the District
budget and ought not. in any way, to be
treated differently from the rest of the
bill.
There is a legal compact between the
United States and the District of Column
bia whereby each shares equally the ex-
penses of the municipal government.
This compact should be observed 1t
is recognized in good faith as to every
other item of local maintenance, and
should be observed Just as sacredly in
the matter of the Fairgrounds. The
amount involved, some $4,000, is so
small as to be a bagatele The principle
involved. however. is important Ger
tainly there ought not to be any depart
ure from the well-established and abso-
lutely equitable rule of equality in the
supply and distribution of the funds
necessary for the government of the
National Capital
1t is not necessary to expatiate upon
the value of the Fairgrounds themselves.
They are recreation grounds for thou
SdlluS Vi SliiIdiSll VIII Woulu pc OlIlSl-
wise driven into the streets The men
and women who have developed these
splendid accessories of city life deserve
commentator. Believing that there is
no division of sentiment upon this
point, we repeat that there is no logical
reason why the item for the Fairgrounds
should not be considered upon the
same basis as every other paragraph in
the District bill
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
HUMAN NATURE IN WASHINGTON
Bv FRED C.. KELLY.

Of Nebraska, once remarked that he
would rather do almost anything else in
this world than stand up and deliver a
speech in the United States Senate. He
has made hundreds of speeches in court.
in behalf of CHEATS, and thinks no more
Of addressing judge or jury than he
would Of taking cup of coffee But the
Senate gets his goat. as the saying is.
And yet he always makes a highly cred
liable speech and no one would know
that he wasn't just as much at ease as
a chorus girl in high-priced restaurant.
Senator Bradley. Of Kentucky. says that
he has never entirely overcome the I'M
easiness he felt when he first spoke in the
Senate, and Senator Chamberlain, of Ore
gon. admits entertaining a dread Of hav-
ing to raise his voice in Senatorial de-
bate.
All these men are lawyers who have
been speaking publicly since they were
mere youngsters. What, then. is 1t about
the Senate that makes them feel like a
nickers worth of last years moth balls
when they are obliged to speak there?
The probable explanation is this: Sena-
torial inattention. Everybody else on
the floor gets Up and walks out, reads
newspapers, or visits around. No dis
courtesy is meant. but the member who
doing the talking wishes there were a
judge or jury or somebody who would
tnR in nj Nd 1,ex4- 1t
When he sees that not soul is paying
any more attention than If he were q
father telling Of his offspring's cute say
ings. the situation is quite likely to get
on his nerves.
1t so happens that Representative John
W. Weeks. OF Massachusetts. divides hon.
ors with Nick Longworth as being the
most baldheaded member OF the House.
When Weeks arose to speak the other
day in connection with the post-oftice ap-
preparation bill. colored man in the
ment and then remarked to his COM
panion:
"Lawzee. amt that ma-an got a high
70 head
Representative Sisson, the Mississippi
Democrat who attacked Postmaster Cen
eral Hitchcock's economy policy the other
day. makes emphatic gestures with his
head and hands. all working in unison,
when he speaks. AS he shakes his head.
his hair rises up like porcupfne quilts.
and one would think that he'd have to go
to hairdressers before he'd ever be able
to do a thing with ii again. But as soon
as he has finished his speech and ges-
lures each hair returns right to its place.
Copyright 1911 By Fred g. Key.)
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
LONELY WHITE WING.

All hail the lonely White Wing.
With his shovel and his brnom;
He manicures the city streets
tFJr more Of which there's room.
He wields the implements Of peace,
And labors for 4 week.
He starts in at the Capitol
And cleans up to the creek.
His Mission is a lonely one.
His life is dulled with gloom.
HIS heard is filled with microbes,
That fly up from his broom
He wends his meteorological way,
Stunned by his fellow-man:
AMI tho he has no one to help.
He docs the best he can.
ROBERT Z. DOYLE.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Col. Cecil Lyon, Of Texas-with which
State he is identified as Republican boss
and national committeeman-close friend
of presidents and all-round citizen OF
parts and entitlements, sat In local
club .he other day with a perplexed look
on his face,
DO you know" he remarked. Il saw
muckrake magazine the other day IN
which some writer had dragged my name
into a story about Indian Territory or
Oklahoma. or some other place clear out
side of my territory. The man had me
mixed up in something that l had never
even heard about before. Do you suppose
ought to drop the fellow a souvenir post
al card and ask him about it? What do
these writer's mean by such tricks as
that, anyhow"
Well" replied one Of the coloners
Washington friends. you know. that
writer is said to get 10 cents word.
and mebbe he was short of characters"
''Ten cents a word. eh?' repeated the
colonel. prickins up his ears THAT ex-
plains one thing. anyway. I was wonder
ing why the fellow was so condemned
careful to give me my title every time
he referred to me-
-
Col. Lyon came near being involved in
what might have been a fatal accident"
as the country editor would say. not long
ago. The coloneis wife was visiting in
Colorado Springs last fall. and one day
she met up with friend of suffragettish
proclivities who suggested that it would
be right cute little stunt for her to take
advantage of the woman suffrage stat
utes in force in Colorado. and vote. Mrs.
Lyon thought that it would be something
to tell about at afternoon teas and places
made up her mind to vote. The next
time she wrote to her husband, she men,
toned her voting project. explaining that
all she would have to do would be to go
self resident of Colorado which of
course wouldn't Inconvenience her when
she got back to Texas. as she couldn't
vote there anyhow.
The moment the colonel read his wife's
letter he leaped up. dashed off a telegram
to her. and put in a long distance phone
call. There was no time to lose, and the
colonel was as excited as the boss bar
Der in a zap town shop during the Sat
urday night rush. For he thought of the
mixup that might occur in consequence
Of popularity in the Texas laws. The
statute provides that a Texas man is a
resident of the place where his wife lives.
and shall vote accordingly. In other
words. if Mrs. Colonel took out her resi-
dence in Colorado. the colonel would
forthwith have his voting place trans
ferred to Colorado. so he figured. and un-
less he We're voter in Texas he could
not consistently be national committee
man from that State.
So his word to his wife was that II she
voted in Colorado she would do so over
his PROSTATE and lifeiess body
Oh, yes. every little while one may no.
tice q Senator who likes to get up and
make speeches. feeling that his voice has
modifying to every tyn panum within his
vocative range. Then there are Senators
who have never outgrown stage fright
that they felt when they first arose to ad-
dress the Senate. This is true in a num-
her if instances, even with Senators who
have been accustomed to doing a great
deal OF public speaking. Senator Brown,
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
F STREET PHILOSOPHY.

A soft "Still busy-shall call
your" is one answer that doesn't
turn away wrath.
A small sirloin. with potatoes, for
one, is better than . douhle-port1ou
d potatoes for two.
Give a woman kiss and you get
box on the ear. II she gives you
kiss she gets a box Of candy.
A man can forgive a woman for
anything except deceit. and 4
woman can forgive a man for any
thing excapt telling her the truth.
Shopkeepts have disco.orcd that
woman won't stand as long in front
Of a brilliantly lighted store window
as dimly illuminated one, because
she can't see her reflection.
ROE FULkERSON.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
BEHIND THE SCENES.

The stage down at Metzerott 4
Berger's opera house viii be dark
next week, but the house won't
This is joke about the minstrel
troupe that is coming.
Sammy Harris and George Conan.
q couple Of New Yofkers. said to be
connected with show truupes. were
in town t'other night They left be-
fore our reporter could find out what
they were doing. Those New York
ers are sly doSA
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
OUR SPORTING COLUMN.

It's about time for Capt. Edwards
to break out in a new place. No
winter is oomIiete without Cap.
Attention Of the District inspec-
tors Of food is called to the fact that
Kid Elherfeld has been pronounced
bad egg b. . number Of umpires-
Our modern civilization. having
witkstnod the shock Of the coon
song, must row face the peril of
Rob Roy Mackey's return to the
wrestling game.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

From the London Chronicle
At Worsley, Lancashire. England, are
two clocks that never strike one. In
stead they strike thirteen at a. m. and
p. m. One of them is at Worsley Hall.
said to have been placed there by the
celebrated Duke of Bridgewater. The
reason assigned for having such an un-
usual clock constructed is also Of inter-
est. His object was to warn his work.
men that it was time to return to work
after dinner. some of them having ex-
cused themselves for being late that
they could not hear the clock strike one
To make sure the duke had the clock
strike the usual limit Of twelve and
then some.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
A Perfect Stranger,

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mother was trying to put some oil of
cloves into her little daughters aching
tooth.
why do you make so much fuss.
dear" she exclaimed patiently. You
don't act like that when have you down
at the dentists Office
But mother" replied the youngster,
you wouldn't expect me to squeal when
the dentist is almost total stranger to
me-
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
A HELPFUL HINT.

When slapstck actors make a hit
OF aid there Is no lack.
The drummer does his little bit,
uncoils a mighty whack.
The scheme is always helpful DO.
To have upon ones staff.
Instanter all the people know
Exactly when to laugh.
1t might help Ibsen drama some
To let the cymbals slam,
Or make a fuss upon the drum,
With every epigram.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

The Burbanking Of horses Is now sug-
gested. "A green carnation is amusing,
but how would a green horse look?'
asks the Los Angeles Times. To which
the New York Herald replies: What,
are green horses unknown In California?
New York receives them by the carload"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

In classifying as indecent" and there
fore to be excluded from the mails, all
matter melting to arson and murder. the
government takes step in the right df-
rection.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Our notions Of nothing to become I'M
duly excited about is the unceasing
between baseball magnateS.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

1t is good augury that in both the
great political parties there is a DISPOSE
ton to break with the coteries Of men
who have been in control Of the organi-
cations.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Considering the zeal with which the
railroads out West are showing farmers
how to run farm. the farmers before
long, perhaps. will undertake to show
the railroad magnates how to run a rail-
road.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

There is a disturbance among Chicago
suffragettes as a result of Miss Pank-
bursts visit. Sister Emalina Sylvia al
WAYS WAS a diSturber.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

The most~valuable provision for the re-
Of the tariff board IS for the
expansion of the boards work.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Anyway, why should a Honduran pa
triot expose himself to danger when
Americans are willing to fight his battles
for him?
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

The plea Of the oil trust for the little
fellows" is accompanied with the Same
kind Of tears any octupus sheds when its
favorite fish Is taken away
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

The fellow who wantonly killed soe
dog to get s. bill never read the story
of the goose and the golden eggs.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
A Nagnate's Son.

so you've quit the club and gone in for
business"''
Yes; 1 get down in time for lunch ana
then take in the matinee. 1t is just as
much fun as loafing. and gives me a
whole lot better standing with father
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Do all of the insurgents at Albany en-
joy their martyrdom?
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Tailors have decided that men no longer
should have padded shoulders. This win
bring CONSERVATION INTO the ranks of
many q would-be athlete.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Senator Guggenheim. having bought q
Denver paper. will have fins opportun.
ity to read what . great man hs d in the
Senate.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Cong. Bennett has started . rum
opus UP At City Hall. more Of which
will be heard from later. when cur
reporter gets back from lunch We
hope to lave q good article next
week.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Nobody seems much worried about
the leak up at the Aqueduct- Bet
there'd be some stampede If the
leak was in that red building 'cross
the rivH.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Ever lose the label off the canned soup
and have the members of the family try
to guess what kind it is?
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

The health Of Emperor Bin q
Germany was drunk so many times
On his birthday yesterday down at
Gers:y's that the prop had to put
in another key Of b-r. Here's Hoch.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
EVERY SATURDAY.
Our Motto: II you see it in The Biz
Stick. it isn't necessarily 50.
TOWN IID-BITS.

'hief White Wing Jim Wood has
left our midst So long. Jim; take
keer Of yorrsef.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Whatever was John Paul Jones guilty
of that his bones should rest in Kansas?
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Amalsamated Order Of F Street
Veterans. led by Doc Maddox, will
pa.ade in force this sftern-, weather
and wind being propitiouA
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
The Situation.

Amy excitement about your romance"
We'll. some. The wedding is set a week
from to-day. The bride-elect has an ap-
pointment for every evening intervening
with different fellow. each Of whom
hopes to make her change her mind
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
A Possible Solution.

adays.''
What we need is a campaign of edu-
cation. Too many people get their ideas
as to children from the comic weeklies' -
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

II suppose you know who Cinderella is.
little boy?'
''Oh, yes" replied the modern urchin.
She's a character in a musical comedy. ;
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

From the Milwaukee Sentinel.
Now that Carrie Nation is ill the world
may drink with impunity.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

when / was abroad many people took
me for a certain crown prince"
Il suppose you had to shell out some
large tips?''
NO: let the prince get the reputation
of being piker''
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28
OF Course,

That the majority should rule
All avow,
But the minority should still
Tell il how.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

Htpu ths PhihdeiphA 1ssnsd q
WHEN . mans wifs make his usale-
de- you can't blame NJ - voeF1n9
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1911-01-28

proposition as the one to give q living
salary to Federal judges?