davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04
DAFFYDHS
BY u. NOALL.

If the kettle boiled over would the
kitchen sink?
IGendarmei. Call me a constable ]
If two-wheeled cab is a hanson is
a hydroplane2
But the female of this species is
more deadly than the male.l
When the biscuit rises does the
bread loaf?
Throw him an anchor boys!l
quick!l
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04
CHAPTER XIII.


| IA disappointment to the Author and
probably to the reader as well.l
It is a lad thing to open a new
chapter with an apology Apologies
indicate that something has gone
wrong, and an apology from this writ
er would indicate that he has failed
in his duty. Well. he has, to a GER
tain extent for he partly promised day
| before yesterday. and actually prom
ised yesterday that in Chapter XIII
he would tell about the strike in the
old Emporia News office about thirty
years ago, and how the writer put it
down.
Well, this old Empori News strike
has now been going on in this paper
for three days and is not yet over.
It is to be noted in passing that the
actual strike itself lasted only one
day. We confess we do not know
just how long it is going to last in
these columns.
The fact of the matter is. that this
paper has been so busy today getting
out it's twenty page pictorial colored
noon edition and it's big similar city
edition, with many new pages. since
the noon issue was put on the streets.
and with preparations for a record
breaking football edition tonight, that
the old Emporia strike has been lost
in the shuttle"
We do not believe in printing ancient
history in these columns in the after
noon, when there is good live news go
ing. as there is today. This is big
football day in Kansas and over the
country. The old strike will keep I'M
til chapter XIV or XIV. We promise
you that it will not be uninterestinS
reading when it does come on earth
again through the medium of these
"Reminiscences"
By the way Albert T. Reid kindly IL
Illustrated Chapter XII Now comes T.
Upper, one of the greatest cartoonists
in the country. being one of the crack
men on the New York Morning Ameri-
can.
Mr.. Upper has very kindly sent US
an illustration, c. o. D. at our ex-
pense, which certainly fits in beauti-
fully with Chapter TX. 1t is so ap-
propriate that it has been about de-
cided to use Mr.. Opper's illustration
as Frontispiece in the "Reminis-
cences" in their alleged book form.
We don't exactly how Mr.. Upper hap
pened to get hold of Chapter TX, but
the illustration he has made appears
tonight on this page and here is the
part of Chapter TX which he Illus
trated.
See if you do not think it is mar
velous.' as Sherlock would say, that
he should Immediately and so happily
enter into the spirit and subject mat
ter of these "Reminiscences this
artist and genius. F. Opper.
Excerpt from Chapter TX. illustrated by
f. Opper.l
There have been few minor uprisings
in the family OF the writer that have
caused some little division.
I had a dream the other evening in |
which my wife and my family, counting |
the dog, with apologies to JerOme) seemed |
to say and act lilSt this
Now 1 Will tell you what I think of /
your old cartoons which I see you are |
running every day, and especially on +
Saturdays said my better half in my I
dream
Well. what do you think of them?'
q Why, that one at the top Of the
fourth page in Saturdays paper November
18th, 1 think is almost a perfect image of
you and shows just the way you conduct
yourself sometimes in the presence OF
Nonr family,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04
A sATURDAY sERMON.

The effectual fervent prayer of a right
eous man availeth much. James VIC
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04

8 OF course like any one naturally
would, with the writing Of these import
ant chapters on his hands, and other
chapters on his mind for the moment the
writer could not recall in his dream even,
just what cartoons had appeared at the
top of the fine fourth page of November
4th, Saturdays double number; so he went
out to the nursery and fished out what
was left after the youngsters had cut out
about all there was left of his stuff in the
paper after the managing editor had taken
a 'whack at it, to see just what partic-
uIar reference his wife was really making
Would you believe it, There the writet
saw himself depicted in just such an at
titude, in fact a half dozen attitudes that
he had, with chest thrown out. assumed
a few evenings before when he and his
wife were sitting down near the tele-
phone table, and when our neiShbor
new little dog Rover had just dropped in
and curled up near the chair, and began
to make himself at home, just as if he
belonged at our house instead of at the
adjoining house on south at the corner OF
Eleventh and Topeka avenue, our nearest
neighbor's.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04

Yes, this editor at times makes a spe-
cia1ty of the tariff question. He has
threshed it out until he almost thought
he knew real tariff when he saw it, ex-
cept after Champ Clark and Bob La
Toilette hit it a few times; also inserting
on the sly a little steel probe into the in
nocent bale Of cotton at the customs
dock last summer, under discussion, and
that too before any committee. or any
congressman whatever except the Wis
cousin senator and the speaker, had had
a Iook-in' at it.
SO when the wife made the remark
that it would be just lovely to have this
matter of exports and duty on foreign
goods, rate schedules and trade balances
explained. the writer was right in his
element. and started in to give the real
and unbiased history of the customs col
lections. etc; but the lady who consti-
tuted the audience seemed to take more
interest in Rover than she did in what
her husband was telling her.
Now what do you think of THAR
Here the writer waswakened from his
dream by a wild cry Football Edition.-'I
IContinued in Mondays Issue]
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04

p. s. AND, Furthermore, they fire.
quently get up with "A Grievance.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04

Hon. Dawson called personally upon
this department to deny the charge
that he was about to deport a hun
bred of Wichita's public affinities.
Hon. Dawson's apology is hereby ac-
knowledged and accepted.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04

Don't knock a man when he Is down,
1t doesn't always pay.
Unless you do the job up brown
And knock him down to stay.
Truth crushed to earth will rise again.
And so, at times, viii knocked down
men
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04

Az we understand the political sit
Iation, the good" or progressive Re
Dublicans. intend to save the Repuhli-
IAN party by beating Taft-if they
nave to use Democrat TO do IL.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04

IContinued in Mondays Issue.l
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04

A woman who always turns TO the
last page Of a book Is liable to jump
at other conclusions.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04

The question OF the hour is: VIII
the gas company continue to blame
unfortunate Scipio. a town never
heard of except during chilly weather
or use some village further down the
pipe line for a goat2
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-11-04

Some men give up easily. For In
stance. Rev Richeson OF Boston has
resigned his pastorate just because
he is in Jail on a murder charge.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
NORTH YAKIMA PEOPLE
BUY NEAR THIS CITY

One of the interesting sales Of
real estate OF the past week was
consummated by Judge H. H. Bas-
Ter, the property being the Hurl-
burt tract of 16h acres located one
mile west OF the city on the river
road.
The purchaser was Frank Smith,
a business man Of North Yakima,
Wash. The property is one OF the
most valuable In Rogue River val
ley, and the deal speaks volumns for
Southern Oregon climate and soil
when Washington residents pur-
chase property here.
The ranch is one OF the show
places around Grants Pass and from
It's trees Spitzenberg apples we're
obtained that captured first prize at
Ashland two years ago, leading a
large number OF exhibits from the
valley. The ranch contains five acres
of one-year-old newtowns. also a
few bartlett pears, The soil Is rich
alluvial bottom land. and the loca-
tion is ideal, being on one OF the
permanent drives down the valley.
Prof. q. r. Hurlburt OF the city
schools has been the resident manage
er of the property and II Is In keep
Ing to mention that the orchard has
n fine crop OF fruit. The tract will
be under the gravity ditch irriga-
tion system. The consideration was
around $4,000.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith will make
their permanent home here
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
HELPFUL HINTS ON HAIR
HEALTH.
Sealo and Hair Troubles Generally
Caused by Garelessness.

Saused by Garelessness.
Dandruff Is a contagious disease caus
ed by microbe which also produces
badness. Never use Il comb or brush
belonging to some one else No matter
how cleanly the owner may be, these
articles may be infected with microbes,
which win infect your scalp II Is far
easier to catch hair microbes than II Is
TO get rid Of them, and single stroke
OF an infected comb or brush may well
lead to badness Never try on any.
body else's hat Many hat-band Is
a resting place for microbes.
II you happen to be troubled with
dandruff, itching scalp. falling hair or
badness we have remedy which we
believe will completely relieve these
troubles We are so sure of this that
we offer II to you with the understand
ing that II will cost you nothing for the
trial II II does not produce the results
we claim. This remedy is called Rex
all "93" Hair Tonic. We honestly be-
lieve II to be the most scientific rem.
edy for scalp and hair troubles. and
we know Of nothing else that equals
II for effectiveness. because of the re-
suits II has produced in thousands OF
cases.
Rcxall "93' Hair Tonic IL devised 10
Danish dandruff. restore natural colo
when its loss has been brought about
by disease, and make the hair natural
ly silky. soft and glossy. |, does this
Because II stimulates the hair folliclcs.
destroys the germ matter, and hrmcs
about free, healthy circulation .of
blood, which nourishes the hair roots
causing them 10 tighten ana grow new
hair We want everybody who has
any trouble with hair or scalp TO know
that we think that ReXal "03" Hair
Tonic is The hest hair tonic and restor
ntive in existence. and no one should
scoff at or doubt this statement until
they have put our claims 10 u fair test.
with the understanding that they pay
us nothing for the remedy n II does
not give full and complete satisfaction
in every particular Two sizes. 10
cents aud Si00 Remember YOU
can obtain Rexall Remedies only
az ~" stc'e-The Rexall Store
NJ. Clemens, opp. Opera House.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
Flagman Patcman Dies

Word was received here Saturday
that w. II. Pateman, flagman for
the Southern Pacific in Grants Pass,
died In the Southern Pacific hospl-
tai In Portland Friday. the cause OF
death being general debility. lIr
Pateman was about 65 years Of age
and for number OF years has been
n familiar figure In the railroad
yards Of this city. The remains will
he brought to Grants Pass for burial.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
HER HAIR GREW.
That's Why Thankful Woman
Recommends Partisan Sage,

N'"HH'fuN tWiHWh nhkt,
G. II Domaray will sell you n fifty
cent bottle OF PARTISAN SAGE and
guarantee II 10 Danish dandruff, stop
falling hair and itching scalp, or
money back It's delightful hair
dressing that makes hair lustrous
and fascinating
TN the spring was recovering
from severe case OF erysipeias,
which left me virtually bald on the
front OF my head and next TO my
ears. The hair kept coming ont
rapidly aud nothing used stopped
my getting entirely bald, until I MS
ed two bottles Of pARlsIAN SAGE
This tonic made my h air start 10
grow IN and. IN fact, grew me a good
fair amount of hair, and Il has en-
tlrely stopped ny hair falling out,
II II with pleasure that ! give q
public recommend TO PARTISAN
SAGE, which | know is a wonder"
Mrs. Ella Gilchrlst, w, Pitt 81, Bed
ford. Pa
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
GRANGE OFFICERS ELECTED.

Officers elected for Rogue River
Valley grange. Lakeside school dis
trlct. located six miles down the riv-
er, instituted by State Organizer T.
l.. Lee on Saturday, October Z:
Master, r. Thomas; overseer, "A.
Wood; lecturer, Mrs, II. Wood;
steward, w. d. Mihills; assistant
steward, Alex Hood; chaplain, w. q.
Flnks; treasurer, Mrs. 4 Thomas:
secretary n. T Prltchard; Cere {,
Mrs. Piitchsrd; Pomonq, Mrs. ID.
Hood; Flora. Mrs. w. G. Finke; lady
assistant steward, Mrs. n. Mlhills.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
Favors Good.Roads Bonds

o. p. Couchman OF Wolf creek,
was business visitor In Grants Pass
Tuesday He is good roads adyo-
cate and IL anxious TO have a bond
Issue with as little delay as possible.
He is OF the opinion that his neigh
bors will also favor the bonds.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
FUNERAL OF W. H. pATEMAN.

The remains of w. H. Pateman,
VINO died at the Southern Pacific
hospital in Portland last week, ar
flyed here Sunday morning and were
Inferred in the Granite Hill ceme-
tery A short service was conducted
at the grave.
The old man had been a flagman
Tor the s. P. company here for a
number of years, and so far as
known had no relatives in this coun-
try.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
STOMACH TONIC.
Puts the stomach IN Splendid Shape
and Supplies Vim, Vigor and
Vitality 10 the Whole Body.

II yo ufeel all run down, out OF
sorts, nervous and depressed, 20
and yet a 50-cent box OF OF MI-O-NA
stomach tablets today.
Take every one OF them according
to directions, and when they are
gone you will feel like different
person.
MI-O-NA stomach tablets will rem
ovate your dIsordered stomach and
bowels; they will put life into your
inactive liver.
They will Danish nervousness,
brain fag. dizziness, headaches, night
sweats, and sleeplessness.
Ml-o-NA will stop sour risings,
gas and heartburn In five minutes.
Large box 80 cents at G. ", Dem
arays and druggists everywhere,
COMING EVENTS.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13

Metschan Brothers have mailed to
residents of the city and a number
outside the city handsomely engrav-
ed cards announcing banquet at
the formal opening of the new Jo-
sephine hotel, Monday, October 16.
The banquet will be served from
70 to o'clock, and plates will be
50; couples. SO.
Ii is planned to have a gala even
Ing and Phil Metschan states that
Congressman w. G. Hawley will act
as toastmaster, A number of ad-
dresses will be made by residents OF
Grants Pass.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
DEATH OF MRS W. A. RuMMEL.
From Tuesdays Daily.

From Tuesdays Daily.
Mrs. Alice Julia Rummel wife
of w. A. Rummel OF this city, died
at the family home on Third and n
streets early this morning.
Mrs, Rummel had been sufferer
from cancer of the stomach for the
past year, and had been confined to
her bed for the last three months,
until death today released her from
her suffering.
Mrs. Rummel was born In Iowa.
December 30, 1855. and was near
Ing her seth birthday anniversary
when she was called to her last
home Besides her husband, w. A.
Rummel, she is survived by her
mother. Mrs. A. ]. Close, two sisters.
Mrs, Mabel Galloway. and Mrs. Lena
Jones, and one brother, Clarence
Close. all of this city; and a brother,
Frank Close OF Eugene.
Mrs. Rummel was an estimable
woman and enjoyed the love OF
many friends.
Funeral services will be held at
the home at 10 o'clock Wednesday
forenoon, Rev. +. G. Lovett OF the
First baptist church officiating. In
terment will be In !. o. o. r. Gene
terry.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
STOP THAT DANDRUI'F

Before II kills your hair. You know
dandruff In a germ disease. and II
leads slowly and surely TO badness
and there ia only one way TO cure
dandruff and that is 10 kill the germ
that causes the trouble.
Greasy salyes will never do this.
ZEMo and ZEM0 SOAP kills the
germ. and are guaranteed 10 cure
dandrufi, itching scalp and all 9TH
or germ diseases OF the skin and
scalp.
ZEMo and zEMo SOAP are the
true scientific remedies for these af-
flictions. To show our faith In
zEMo and ZEMo SOAP we have Ia
structed the druggist selling them TO
refund your money II you are not
satisfied with the results from tho
very first bottle and the first cake
Of soap.
We can afford 10 make this offer
because one bottle OF zemo and one
cake OF soap are sufficient 10 show
their healing qualities, aud n used
according TO directions. they will ef-
feet n permanent cure.
Sold by druggists everywhere and
In Grants Pass by G. H. nemaray
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13

Biliousness ~ due 10 dlsordered
condition OF the stomach Chamber
laln's Tablets are essentially a stom-
ach medicine intended especially 10
act on that organ, TO cleanse n,
strengthen H. tone and lnyigorste ~
10 regulate the liver and 10 banish
blllousness positively and effectual-
" For sale by all good dealers
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13

The best plaster A piece OF flan-
mel dampened with Chamberlain's
Liniment and bound on over the af-
iected parts is superior to q plaster
and costs only one tenth as much.
For sale by all good dealers.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
WEDGES AND MAULS.

ALI sizes and patterns of
wedges, 1912 per ID.
Splitting mauls per lb. .1212c
Steel sledges, per lb. =. .1212c
Peavies, cant hooks, axe
handles, saw handles, sledge
handles, saw sets, files, etc,
all of the best quality and low
est prices.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
BUZZ SAWS
CIRCULAR SAWS

We can supply on short no
tice and at rock bottom prices.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
COMING EVENTS.

Dec. /, FrIday-.M. %. church bazaar
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
PALMER
FRUIT PICKING BASKET

Superior to all others; prac-
teal, durable and a fruit saw
er. Only a few left and while
they last, take them at $1.25
each.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
KEEN KUTTER AXES.

Single or double bit, $1.25
each.
Stiletto double bit, each .$1.25
These axes are full warrant
ed against flaws or being soft.
We also have cheaper axes.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
ATKINS
CROSS CUT SAWS

This is an exceptional bar
gain on this high grade saw
and when this lot is sold, there
will be no more at the price,
6l2, Z, 71a foot, each !. $3.50
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
BUCK SAWS.

In all the latest styles and
shapes. Prices range from zoe
to $1.00.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
SIMOND'S
CROSS CUT SAWS.

Royal Chinook, $1.O0 per foot
Chinook, Toe per foot
One Man Saws 1926 to 1926
You all know that Simond's
cross cut saws are the best.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
'eaSonable conaI At Reasonable no:

Our first consideration in buying, is quality: then
price, therefore you will find our goods all of the high
est grade ahd prices low as consistent in successful
merchandising.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
QUAIL WILL BE RIPE
OCTOBER Is.

We can sell you the guns
and ammunition that will give
you the best results. Our stock
OF 10, u, 16 & 20 guage shells
is complete. For the bigger
game we carry a line of rifles
OF all calibres which cannot be
equaled in this city Prices ex-
ceptionally low.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1911-10-13
LANTERNS! /!

Brass Lanterns, each 35c
No. 0 Tubular each =. .65c
No. 2 Cold Blast each .$1.00
No. 2 Cold Blast Copper Ft.
.,...... -, ..,.... .$1.25
Bulls Eye Dash Lanterns ,1.65
What's the use of prowling
around in the dark when you
can get light at above prices?
The Sentinel=record., 1911-05-13
fF00RR fF00RR UNIfiiCCAAiiON
 OF M. E. CHURCHES
METHODIST COMMISSION AT CHATTANOOGA ISSUES PUB
 LlC STATEMENT.
Hopeful That General Conference May Agree on General Plan for
 Church Union.

Chattanooga, May F. An address was issued late today by the com mittee on uniiication of the Methodist Churches which embodies the plan which will be submitted to the gen eral conference for final action. The plan itself will not be made pubic until it comes before the confer ences. The address of the commit tee indicates that while great prog ress toward unihcatlon has been made, there are yet wide gulfs to be bridged before the desired end is ac- compIished
 The address is directed to eAe Methodsts of the United States. It relates that the first meeting of the joint commission of the Methodist Episcopal Chruch, South, the Metho- dist Protestant Church and Methodist Episcopal Church was held in Balti more last December. It was then de cided that the time had come for a discussion of the pfacticability of an organic union. The commission or dered the appointment of subcom- mission of nine. three from each church, to take the matter under ad. yisement The su5comnission met in Cincinnati last January and after three days conference found itself about to plan a reorganization. The address relates that the subcommis sion found the chruches agreed in matters of doctrine, ritual and on the main points of the hook of dicipline. The differences that are radically touched the essential principles of government, concerning which 1t was seen the only possible adjustment was to be found on middle ground.
 The report of the subcommittee, continues the report was brought before us at our present session in this city, and has been weighed and discussed with the utmost care. As in duty bound We shall make fu! report of oar conclusions. as far as we haze been able to reach any con clusions. to the general conferences. To satisfy however. the just expee-