davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.
IFrom the Philadelphia Record

LIE IOiu LAC A1AAd0CAPAAA@ ANO$OA0'J
Many a girls golden hair is really
plated.
Even a watch may feel all run down
in the spring.
Even the poet may win fame with
his strong write arm.
When a convict celebrates his COM
ing out it isn't polite to wish him many
returns.
A woman always expects her second
husband to be as good as her first, and
then some.
The world would hear mighty little
conversation If we should all think
before we speak.
Nell-''He is simply devoted to his
wife, Belle-"And she?" Mellon
she is simply devoted to having him
devoted to her"
Wigwag-"HelIo, Guzzler. What are
you taking for your cold?" Guzzler-
us that merely an interrogation, or
an invitation?''
Blobbs-"A black cat came to my
back fence last night" Slobbs-"Did
it bring good luck?' Blobbs-"Yes, ]
hit it the first time fired"
Tommy-"Pop, who was Ananias?'
Tommy's Pop-"Ananias, my son, was
the man who first conceived the posi-
bilities of the summer resort booklet.
Jauntily she entered the fruit store
do you keep dates?" she asked. The
new clerk blushed. Yes, Miss" he
stammered. Where shall meet your
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
spENDERs VERSUS DIPLOMATS.

Our gilded diplomats in Europe are
additionally embarrassing. comments
the National Post. We had Charlie
magne Tower at Berlin, and he was at
least a noble spender. The thrifty
Germans liked him; the kaiser did; the
shopkeepers were at his feet. When
he retired, DR.. David Jayne Hill, with
no gilt but with more diplomatic ex-
perience, took the post.
There was frank expression of dis
satisfaction in Germany, which the
government of course disavowed. DR..
Hill remained. But the contrast be-
tween his simple ways and the mag
nificence of the Towers was sadly to
his discredit-in the practical mind of
commercial Berlin. His stay was not
made pleasant. His diplomatic duties
ere the more difficult because of the
lack of social fabrication. He resigned
and thereupon gossip found marvellous
motives. 1t heard that he had not
managed the potash negotiations well;
that he had become persona non grata
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
GentIe Nature Falker Dead.


Wallace B. Wheat, the real and &C.
knowledged nature faker for many
years, fell down stairs in his home and
was killed.
The snake and bear stories that came
from this place for many years all were
created in the fertile imagination of
Wheat. All his tales were kindly and
innocuous, never giving offense, but
written with a seriousness that made
many persons believe them and caused
them to be copied all over the country.
His snakes always were accommodate
ing and never frightened any one who
fingered too long in the village inn
That gentle hoop snake of his, which
permitted itself to be used as an auto
mobile tire to replace one burst, and
thus get an clipping couple to the
preachers before the irate pursuing
parents, will be recollected with graft
tude. Then there was a gentlemanly
and discreet garter snake that saved
the bushes Of a village belle at a pic
mic by turning itself into a garter in
deed.
His bears, too, were almost human,
and always showed originality and a
streak of cussedness in circumventing
the mighty hunters of Port Jervis, who
were supposed by the outside world to
Der always waging q war of extermina-
ton on the bruins swarming the hills
around that town. Even the humble
barnyard fowl was copy for Wheat,
and the truthful author always had an
affidavit handy when too severely ques-
toned about the remarkable things
they did. Wallace B. Wheat was not
only fancied by the millions of his
amused readers. but was well liked and
respected in this place, despite the fact
that he could hold rival story tellers
speeches. by his audacity and orig
inality.-Port Jervis dispatch to New
York Press
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

lFrom the Chicago News.l
The way of the transgressor is hard
but smooth.
Anyway, there is nothing monotonous
about the weather.
Some men look upon laws as things
merely to be broken.
Many a mans idea of being well
dressed is a noisy necktie.
Lots of people who have brains don't
know how to use them.
What hard worker you are-when
you have occasion to tell it.
A woman is afraid only Of the things
she knows won't hurt her.
Trousers that bag at the knees do
not always indicate a praying man.
One can't always judge a woman's
disposition by the size of her smile.
OF course the girl a man marries is
a perfect dream-but later he wakes up.
A woman is willing to admit anything
except that her photographs do her
justice.
Some men are anxious to get money
because they think it will enable them
to get more.
A man can lead any woman to talk.
but he can't always make her say
what he wants to hear.
There's nothing disappoints woman
more than not to be disappointed when
she expects to be.
1t sometimes happens that a woman
marries a man because she is sorry for
him. But is not that a poor way to
show her sympathy?
There are times in the life of every
small boy when he would like to as
sumo the role of father to the man
for a few brief moments.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
Lost teeth Kept Her Home.

81 want my teeth, your honor"
mumbled Mrs. William Nate, of New
ark, N. J.. in the Washington street
court when Judge Hahn asked why she
had her husband summoned. She ex-
planned indistinctly that her set of
false teeth had been missing since
early Monday morning, and she was
sure her husband had taken them.
Nate said his wife had been in the
habit of staying away from home at
night Last Sunday night he would
not let her go out When they were
retiring she put her false teeth in a
glass of water, he said. At 1880 a. m.
she again wanted to leave the house,
but her teeth were missing. He had
not taken them. he averred.
"I'll stay at home il he'll get me a
new set of teeth" said Mrs. Nate to
the Judge. sI'lI do it, said Nate
New York World
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
HUAOR or THE Day

Hell hung up the photographer last
week and got some pictures. Did you
think the one sent you was like me? She
Yes, when 1T came 1t was broke.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
No. 1s-what kind Of a lawyer did you
have? No. 23-well, de jury was out five
minutes.-Chicago Daily News
"a senator. pa" "A senator. my son.
is very often a man who has risen from
obscurity to something worse."-Life.
Patience-Do you believe in wearing
false hair? Patrice-why, certainly
What else would one do with it?-Yonkers
Statesman.
twas your husband a bear in Wall
Street," 81 think So replied young MRS.
Torkins. HE certainly acted ike one
The Spiritualist-Is that the spirit 20, OF
Lady Montague? The MediumL,iN!o.
ma am. I'm the spirit of 'er ladysnlp
maid, an I'm to say that snes not o.
'ome.-Toledo Blade.
Don't you know that my little boy al
ways counts 100 before he engages sq IN ,n
lit then lessn the other Teller KetcheS
m."-Houston Post
What book have you. found most use Ws
fuI?'' "a book of Browning s poems, "
have a table with one short leg, ana u c Iue
Browning book just fits under IT. I'm
cago Record-Herald.
my husband is particularly. liable 10
seasfckness captain" remarked a Iaoy
passenger. Gould you tell him what 10 40
in case of an attack" 'Tain't n 1eege'II
sary, num-" replied the captain.
do it."-Mariner's Advocate
49,, A.. x,o,,r laundry bills very
MrS- ASK 1rai,SotNo. they charge by
nsn. NIT. 1I.e,, Ices so many pieces
the piece, Du. d ShSy the expense pretty
well.-Chicago Daily News
| At. a. a., ,noues+ always
when q man oi9s 70 actor has been in
held? on, no. - q IL not supposed to
| have to inquire into the cause Oh ~
death. Toledo Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Good-natured folk are also likely to
be imposed upon.
q
A fly on the head is worse than a
dozen in a bush.
1t is mighty hard, indeed, for some
families to lose their daughters.
4
Stingy people are generally well-pro-
vided for when the rainy day comes
their wav.
There are plenty of mothers-in-law
who are everything and more than they
ought to be. It's only the few mean
ones you hear about.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Advices from Washington are to the
effect that President Taft's friends pro-
pose to discard Vice President Sherman
as q running mate for Mr.. Taft on the
Republican ticket in 1872 There is talk
of senator Cummins of Iowa, Governor
Deneen of Illinois or Governor Hadley
OF Missouri, being selected to go on the
ticket with Mr.. Taft. Evidently the
get-together movement in the Repub-
ucan party is not local to Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York

rFrom the New York Press
The hardest thing is to keep SELFISH
ness out of prayers "a
II takes q woman to be able 10 70
good lust because she doesn't want L.
Some people have such perfect one me
positions they won't even cuss LIZ
weather. -
ANY man will try to make out now re
understands q thing it WOULDN'T n0N
anv difference If he did
If a funny man reads a joke IN uae
Creek fables, he can suspect IL We
original with him, just the same
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

The Chicago Record-Eerald found
out exactly how many words there
were in the supreme court decision in
the Standard Oil case. It paid to have
them all telegraphed from Washing
ton. The opinion was published in full
in that newspaper. And the number
of words was 2o,057.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
KANSAS COAAENT
FUN WITH THE MOSQUITO.

Did you know that it was only the
female mosquito that bites? An Atchi-
son man, who has made study of in
sects, says the males have no organ
Tor sucking blood, and therefore are
harmless. To speak truly, however, it
is a very small percentage of even the
females that ever taste blood of hui
man beings or animals. The great
majority are vegetarians as are the
males. The proboscis of female mos
quito is barbed. When a female mos
quito has alighted on the back of your
hand, allow her to insert her sucking
apparatus to its full length without
disturbance. Now, if you will gently
tighten the skin of your hand by
clinching your fist you will find that
she can not withdraw her weapon. 1t
is caught fast in your flesh by its
barbed teeth, and she can not get away
until you are willing TO release her.
The commonest mosquito is practical
ly harmless except for the annoyance
1t causes you. Those that carry ma
to quite another genus.-Junction
City Union.
IT'S HARD TO GROW. OLD.
After a man reaches the zenith of
his powers and starts on the decline,
does he know it? 1t is SO common to
hear men say how well they feel, that
/
them, that We wonder If it is true or
If that is a sort of whistling to keep
up the courage. It is hare to grow
old. 1t is hard to admit we are grow
ing old. After a man has passed his
prime his view is sobered. his outlook
restricted. The best things of life are
not for him. Does he deceive himself?
Does he know this? These are Ques-
tions that can not well be answered
because every man declares that he
feels younger than he did twenty
years ago. Here is hoping 1t is true,
or, If an illusion. that it will not be
Observation-Disclosures Journal-Wor
TO GET FARMERS PATRONAGE
It is to the great advantage of
smaller cities to have the farmers
patronage. But If that is to be Sc
cured, one very necessary thing is to
have the roads in good passable con-
dition at all seasons of the year.
Farmers have been known to avoid
towns near at hand, but to which ap-
proach is we'll nigh impossible in wet
weather, and go miles further. to buy
and sell in towns, the roads to which
are kept in good order. To let roads
remain in bad condition because it
takes money to improve them is ex-
ceedingly poor economy.-Hiawatha
World
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Count Zeppelin's sixth great dirigible
balloon has gone the way of all the
rest Of them after brief but brilliant
career. 1t is in ruins. If the count
begins the construction of another he
will be entitled to all the laurels that
have been won by the spiders for per-
eistency
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

When the Standard Oil company of
New Jersey is dissolved that state will
lose $4,000 annually in taxes that it
has been collecting from that concern.
in other words the Standard Oil COM
pany was a good trust for New
Jersey
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Senator Lorimer has made an ap-
plication for his bank for membership
in the Chicago Clearing House Asso-
citation. This ought to be easy of ac-
complishment. He had no trouble in
getting himself through the United
States senatorial clearing house
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Umpires in the National league have
complained to Prexy Lynch that the
players are inclined to be sassy" with
them. And, of course, the umpires
never make a slip that might provoke
anV of this "sassiness"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

The latest statistics on the subject
are to the effect that $4,000 American
farmers own automobiles. This ought
to help some in keeping three or four
times that many boys and girls on the
farm
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
81
r.sz5:l.N

The Diaz cabinet" saws Hondo NJ
pny, believes in peace when trouble
is on tap. 1t is inclined to make mn
fresh batch of peace after each an
counter, and lay the blame on some
one else. 1t reminds me of sDraeS
Jones, of Florida.
Drag was a humble wood chonner
put scientific side stopper. One time
Iampa, and the pair became spiffica
ted. The younger man went to sleen in
the bottom of the wagon, but Drag
had bad case of 'hollerin' drunk Sit
ting in the end Of the wagon, he rails
eu his voice and announced: sWboo-
pee! All kin lick any Teller in Tamner
Chic) Ah'mer cattermount ter fight.
Come on, everybody
Around the corner came one of those
hard visaged, gun-flghting peace off,
GERS and told Drag TO 'shet up
Hit wer'n't me- said Drag. Hit
were this-yer po' boy, but he's went
tub sleep agin, and he amt a tall
ma mful. Jes' soon es muh oxens git
done a-eatin' of they-alls fodder, Aim
gwine tub take him home
All right says the cop, see yuh
do. All don't wanta grab nobody fer
Jes' bein' drunk, but keep hit in mind
that no dat-woodSer can come around
on nah beat whoopin' an a hollerin'
an disturbin' of thuh peace
Drag apologised some more, but the
he resumed his 'hollerin'.' Again the
policeman, and again the apologies
for the 'po' boy which had done went
tub sleep agin, and weren't no way
HARMFUL On the third return trip
the officer became suspicious. Conceal
ing himself behind a board fence he
'piped Off the vocal efforts of Drag
and discovered that the worthy had
two voices-a nasal whine for apollo
getic purposes. and two-mile bass
for use in his announcements that he
was a 'roarin' cattermount from Hawg
creek Then the cop took Drag by
the neck and ran him all the way to
the calaboOse.
THE federal party in Mexico, like
Drag, desires to whoop it up until
trouble arrives, and then offer apollo
gies.'
There seems to be a sight difference
Of opinion concerning the national
anthem. While one outfit is erecting
memorial to the late Mr.. Key, who
wrote Star Spangled Banner" anoth-
er bunch is Offering prizes for a sub
stitute for the song.
If you are trying to locate the slight
est pretext and excuse for excitement
and worry, please consider the rumpus
between the two Boy Scout factions at
| Salina.
OH, PIF!
Swat the fly" the captain shouted,
Then some other words he said
| AS he swatted at the insect
On the top of baby's head.
Oh, the swatteree was heavy
| And the baby's lid was thin,
But he killed the fly a-plenty-
| Or at least he drove 1t in!
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Mrs. Annie Besant, who has just re-
burned to London from India. predicts
the early reincarnation of Jesus Christ.
Presumably Mrs. Besant has reached
the conclusion that her old methodS
of attracting notoriety have outlived
their usefulness
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

In decided contrast to her sister,
Mrs. Longworth, Miss Ethel Roosevelt
is not fond of display. But, come to
think of It, these girls are only half
sisters
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Proposed new solution of the SER
want problem is to keep the employees
from thinking she is a mental, notes
the New York Herald and it adds: The
trouble is every one thinks she's the
hose
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Judge Goodnow, presiding over the
Chicago Court of Domestic Relations,
blames parents for the faults of their
children. And that is just exactly
where most of this blame belongs.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Monoplanists in France have sue
ceeded in travelling through the air al
the rate of one hundred miles an hour
This makes the speed of the fastest
birds look pretty slow.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Attorney General Wickersham is
much more of success in reading
inimical trusts out of business than he
IS at reading various and divers gem
tlemen out Of the Republican party
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

The golf links Of the Attain Athletic
club are a good place to stay away
from these days. Sixty women are
competing on them in tournament to
decide the woman's golf championship
of the south. AS a general thing wo-
men don't knock golf balls any
straighter than they throw other balls
or missiles.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

About the only consolation that can
be derived by the Ohio legislature these
days is that it is not the only one in
the United States that has been tainted
with graft. But more's the pity.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Another armIstice has been de-
rlared in Mexico. Declaring armistices
in Mexico. however, merely seem to be
figures of speech.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report OF that great news or
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received in The State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

City Commissioner Miller is work.
ing along right lines. He is going to
put fifty more street lights in service.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
FROM OTHER PENS
HOW CANADA DOES IN.

Canada may be SLOW but it can at
least teach the United States how to
handle labor disputes. Seldom is there
a strike in the Dominion, and the
workingmen are in some respects bet
ter situated there than here. A few
days ago, the following news dispatch
was sent out from the Canadian CAPT.
tai:
1.-The Minister of Labor received a
telegram from the Alberta striking
miners last night asking for the ap-
pointment of board of Cancellation to
hold an investigation under the In
dustrial Dispute Act. The miners
have named A. J. Carter. The Minister
telegraphed to the operators, acquaint-
ing them with the situation, and ask
ing them to name a representative
1t Is expected that the hoard will be
organized within a few days"
This is the manner in which Can
ada has handled differences between
employers and employees for the past
four years. In case Of strike or a
lockout an investigation by board of
Cancellation may be asked for. Each
side names one member and these two
the third. If possible, the board brings
about an agreement. But in case that
cannot be done 1t publishes for the
benefit Of the public the facts it has
found and the strike may go on. But
seldom does the trouble outlast the
publication of the inside facts. Both
the employers and the employees have
learned that there is no appeal from
the court of public opinion and that
it surely and quickly enforces its de-
ciSions.-Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Sometimes, in writing an obituary.
the reporter says: He leaves wife
and children" And, in many instances
it should be added: But they are used
to 1.-THE was too blamed mean to take
them with him anywhere"
HOP
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
HYPOCRISY m KANSAS CITY.

The city officials of Kansas City, Mo,
have refused to give a license to a shoe
shining establishment which advertises
on a sign that pretty girls will shine
your shoes" What's more, city ordi-
nance is being prepared to prohibit wo-
men from shining shoes, all on the
ground, as explained in dispatch,
that "shoe-shining IS a work morally
unfit for women"
This attitude of the Kansas City Off
Gals will probably be interpreted as
further evidence of American chivalry
as distinguished from the attitude
toward women abroad, where shoe
shining is done by Slaves" in English
establishments and maid servants IN
European countries. Like all phar-
ASSASSIN, however, this assumption OF
superior chivalry will hardly bear the
test of a few questions. For instance,
will the chivalrous Kansas City Off
Gals explain why shining shoes is any
more morally unfit" for women than
shining tins in the kitchen? If 1t is
morally proper for women to exercise
the art of the chiropodist on mans
toes where is the immortality of doing
the much less disagreeable work of
putting a polish on the shoes which
cover the mans toes?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

If you are trying to locate the slight
est pretext and excuse for excitement
and worry, please consider the rumpus
between the two Boy Scout factions at
Salina.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

He-I hung up the photographer last
week and got some pictures. Did you
think the one 1 sent you was like me? She
Yes, when it came 1t was broke-Bos-
ton Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

"a senator, pa" "A senator, my son,
is very often a man who has risen from
obscurity to something worse."-Life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

No. 13-What kind of a lawyer did you
have? No. 23-Well, de jury was out five
minutes.-Chicago Daily News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18
OH, PIF!

Of1, Rlf!
"Swat the fly" the captain shoutt
Then some other words he said.
AS he swatted at the insect
On the top of baby's head.
Oh, the swatteree was heavy
And the baby's lid was thin,
But he killed the fly a-plenty-
Or at least he drove it in!
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

There seems to be a sight difference
of opinion concerning the national
anthem. While one outfit is erecting
a memorial to the late Mr.. Key, who
wrote Star Spangled Banner" anoth-
err bunch is offering prizes for a sub
stitute for the song.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Patience-Do you believe in wearing
false hair? Patrice-Why, certainly!
What else would one do with it?-Yonkers
Statesman.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-05-18

Twas your husband a bear in Wall
Street," II think so,' replied young MRS.
Torkins. HE certainly acted like one
when he got home."-WaShington star.
Scranton Wochenblatt. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1865-1918, 1911-05-04

es lit Ieidter, stpan3ig gorseies.
ten 5u sefaqen, aIs atpei &oIeeen.