davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
Woe L. His.

Woe Is His.
F1rst.-My wife is my boss. I shall
not deny.
Second.-She maketh me to lie down
behind the bed when swell company
comes, and she leadeth me behind her
up Main street
Thlrd.-She restoreth my pocketbook
after she has spent all of it's contents
Tor stylish skirts and theater tickets,
and she leadeth me up the main aisle
at church for her new hats sake.
Fourth.-Yea, though l walk more
than half the night through dark rooms
with crying baby l will get no rest,
for she is behind me; her broomstick
and her hatpin they do everything else
but comfort me.
Fifth.-She prepareth a cold snack for
me. then maketh bee line for an aid
society supper. She anointeth my, head
with the rolling pin occasionally. NV
arms runneth over with the bundles
before she is half done with her shop.
ping.
Sixth.-Surely her dressmaker's and
milliner's bills shall follow me all the
days of her life. and l will dwell in
the house of my wife forever.-Urich
(Mo.) Herald.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
RivuIets and the Rivers

All are to be men of genius in their
degree-rivulets or rivers. it does not
matter, so that the souls be clear and
pure, not dead walls, encompassing
dead heaps of things known and num-
bered, but running waters il the sweet
wilderness Of things unnGmhered and
unknown. conscious only Of the living
banks, on which they partly refresh
and partly reflect the flowers. and so
pass on.-Ruskin's 1.-The Stones of Ven
ice."
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
THE BLANKET FISH.
This Dreaded Sea Monster Wraps Its
Body Around Its Prev,

This Dreaded Sea Monster Wraps Its
Body Around Its Prey.
The manta, or blanket fish, is CON-
mon to the warm parts of the Pacific
Around the Mexican penal colony on
Tres Marias islands. not very far from
ManZanillo. 1t Is one of the most eff
Gent guards for the prisoners incar-
cerated there. Not man has ever been
known to escape from this dreaded
prison by swimming. No sooner does
a human body strike the water than a
school of these monsters appear, flying
like giant bats through the sea. They
throw themselves on the hap Iess swim
mer, crushing him to the bed of the
sea, and there suck the flesh from his
bones with their powerful mouths.
The manta grows TO mammoth di-
mansions. though the one which saw,
says a writer in the Wide World Mag
aZlne. was comparatively small, not
weighing over two or three tons and
not being more than fifteen feet
across. The fish is nearly square In
outline. the wings forming great right
angles. which stretch out from the
h";iy, rivi" Il 4 rectangular appear
ance The fish swim by tapping these
wings and are sometimes called "sea
bats" on this account
Mantas swim with incredible rapid
1ty for what is apparently so ungainly
fish. and once they sight anything
In the water. unless it he the speediest
hsh or shark, they overhaul it and
simply close ii. wrapping the entire
blanket-like body around the unfortu-
nate victim Even with i, sharp knife
1t is almost impossible TO reach vital
point in the manta's body. For this
reason they Are the most dreaded by
divers of all the jewellers in the sea-
and the divers life is not without its
perils. take my word for that.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
Iha Wisa Bride.

"Yes. the girls gave the bride COM
miseration shower"
"What in the world is that?"
"Why, they all told her how sorry
they We're she was going to marry
such man as the coming bride
groom"
THAT must have hurt her feelings"
mo, it didn't. She knew there wasn't
girl there who wouldn't have given
her eyes to get himv'-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
s ruthern Railway Begs to Announced
That Low Round Trip Excursion
Tickets Will be in Effect For
The Following Horse Shows

Manassas Horse Show, Manassas
Va. July seth and 9th 1911.
Orange Horse Show, Orange, Va.
August 2nd..and 3rd, 1011.
Alhemarle Horse Show, Charlottes-
vile, Va, August 9th and 10th, 1911.
Front Royal Horse Show, Front
Royal Va, August 18th and 16tht 1911
Warrenton Horse Show, WarreEton,
Va, August 30th and 31st, 1911.
For further Information concerning
fare authorized, territory from which
applying, dates of sale, final limit,
train service, ETC., call upon nearest
Southern Railway agent or writesL. 8.
Brown, Ga, Washington, D. Z.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
Abrupt,

Judge Stevens had slight hesitation
In his speech. but that affliction did
not prevent his using long words. One
morning his dog Snip got into a fight
with another dog. Tapping him with
his cane. Judge Stevens Exclaimed.
*D-d-dis-con-t-t-tin-ue."- Success Mag
aZine.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
Mixed Metaphors.

4 well known bishop, speaking in
the upper house of Canterbury con-
vocation on prayer book revision,
rather startled some of his Episcopal
brethren by declaring, according to the
Church Family Newspaper, eve are
not writing on a clean slate; there is
a good deal of grit under the door,"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
Amended.

James is physical wreck"
"Why. he used to have a strong
constitution
Eyes. but the doctors have amended
1t several times. "-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
No Wonder,

"My husband has never spoken a
cross word to me-"
you lucky woman! How long have
you been married?'
"Nearly two weeks. Chicago Rec
ord-Herald.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
A Weather Prophet.

Now, Mrs Brown, have pinned
mp your new almanac"
"Oh, thank zee. miss. thank zee, but
my corns tell me the weather far bet
ter than any Of they ERE almanacksw-
London Opinion.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28

Papa You have little brother,
Willie. You are not the youngest
child any longer.
Willie-Oh. suppose it's all right,
but you might have given me weeks
notice anyway.-Puck.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
Gallantry.

Shelf seems to me as though we
had met somewhere before. He-Isn-
possible. fraulein, else i should have
fallen in love with you before!-Flie
gende Batter.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
Another QuibbJe.

Don't you hate to sleep in an upper
berth?'
mo; like to sleep when I have to
take an upper berth. Chicago Record
Herald.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28
Appropriate.

Appropriate.
Heres hairpin in the soup. wait.
e." saiG the mad diner.
Eyes, siI. It's all right. It's hare
DOup, sir. "-Yonkers Statesman.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28

Nothing raises 10 price Of a bless
Ing like its removal. whereas 1t was
its continuance which should have
cost US its value. Hannah More.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28

DO rot accustom yourself to consid-
er debt only an Inconvenience. You
will find it a calamity.-Johnson.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28

THOMAS d. RANSOM,
ATTORNEY-AT-LAw,
Court House Square, Staunton, Va
General Practiee-Virginia
and West Virginia.
p YTON COCHRAN
Attorney and Counsellor at Law
STANTON, VA.
No. IA Court Place.
HAMPTON II. WAYT,
ID ATTORNEY-AT-LAW
Practice in all. State and Federal Courts.
General Receiver for Corporation Court
for City OF Ssaunton
Eohols' Building, Staunton, Va.
8. D. TIMBERLAKE, JR. RE. q. NKLsO
T1MBERLAKE & NELSON,
Attorneys-at-Law.
and Law Building. Staunt0n, W
W. ATTORNEY-AT-LAw.
sTAUNrON. VA
No.2. Court House Square.
aug2-tf
ALEX. F. ROBERTSON,
Z" ATTORNEY-AT-LAW
Lawyers Row.
Prompt attention. to all legal business.
{ tTZHUGH ELDER,
ATTORNEY-AT.L
Rooms and Masonic Temple.
Stanton. Va.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28

HENRY W. HOLT,
IL ATTORNEY-AT-LA Y.
STANTON, "a.
II F. SCHEELE,
Us ATTORNEY-AT-
Room 8, 6rst floor, Patrick Building.
StauntOn. Va.
nHARLES NJ. EAST,
Attorney & Counselor at Law.
10 Echols' Building,
Su ntOn, Virginia.
WILLIAM A. PRATT,
ATTORNEY .AT-LAW,
Staunton, Va.
81 Eohols Building
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1911-07-28

s AW OFFICEOB
Il ia.
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW
No Lawver'sROw,
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
Chicken Pie

Two medium sized chickens =. pound of raw sausage, one slioo 2, onion. few herbs. little ebon..s parsley. seasoning of salt and penrs, two cupfulS of cold water. one ba.. ing tablespoonful of powdered oaI, tin. some pastry, one raw egg nm, hard cooked egg and few slicas 2, cold ham.
 Cut the chickens into neat. sn,5 joints and take out the bones St. the saGsages. Put the bones. ne.l, and giZzards into a pan with eno9 cold water to cover them; also n. onion. herbs and seasoning. Let ,aI simmer gently for an hour and a h,F Put layer of chicken in d pud6i1, dish. then some slices of cold ham aDi hard boiled egg. Sprinkle over tbey some chopped parsley, pepper and sat Repeat these layers till the dish is fu1 then pour in the cold water Phi m the lid of pastry. Decorate it viii leaves of pastry. glaze it with besa egg and bake for two hours in ouit oven to begin with and then in cooler When it is done lift out ts center ornament and pour in the stas made from the bones.
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
CIana Eritters.

The following batter is excellent fr clam fritters: Sift pint of -four Eii a teaspoonful each of salt, sugar sai cream of tartar and half teaspOODE of soda. Add tablespoonful of mel ed butter. one egg and half pint 2 mHk Mix the flour. sugar. salt, sai and cream of tartar together and nS through sieve Whip the egg '! very light and stir it Into the nA then beat 1t gradually into the dry T gradients. When the batter Is smea stir very scant pint of chopped cIans into 1t. taking care not to add encua clam juice to moisten it too much ID on a bot griddle
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
#nam m@ra"n Byron D. B ug l. Watch Our Show

New England States under the new census, and the process is still going on. In those four States, in the last ten years, the farm acreage has decreas- ed by 5S0,O00 acres. The improved acreage has decreased by 734 ,000 acres and ,602 farms have disappeared from the census list.
 .Now you can explain these marvel ous changes in any way you see it, but one thing is clear to everybody, and that k, that the food producers in this country are constantly decreasing, and the number of food consumers far more rapidly increasing, and the result can not be other than that agricultural pro. duction will decrease in like proportion and in my judgment all of the agricul- tural wealth of Canada cannot stay this change. II is not peculiar to New England alone. The manufacturing center of the United States is steadily moving Westward, and is located in Indiana today, and the same problem which confronts us now in New Eng land will soon confront every State east of the Mississippi and north of the Ohio River"
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
failure of British statesmanship. repeat here what 1 said then:

repeat here what l said then:
 "sThe solution of the problem can be found only in one way-by adopt ing policy which, while explicitly safeguarding the supreme and inde- feasible authority of the Imperial Par liament, will set up in Ireland sys- tenn of full self.government in regard to purely Irish affairs
 "There can be no question of separa- ton. There is not, and there never can be, any question of rivalry of eompet- ing supremacy. But subject to these eonditions-thati k the Liberal policy. For reasons which l believe to be ade- quate the present Parliament was dis abled in advance from proposing such solution, but in the new House of Com mons the next Liberal government and Liberal majority will be in this matter entirely free.
 l venture to say that, in the face of that declaration, everybody that voted at the last general election voted with full knowledge that if and when,- supposing we had a majority-we of the Liberty party succeeded in clearing away the great obstacle which at pres- ent exists under the forms of our Con- stitution to the achievement of Liberal legis lation, one of our first tasks, 1 ven- ture to say our first task, was, with freed hands, to carry out that policy of full self-government for Ireland. We have never for moment retracted or receded from that position.
 Lord Cecil has put a number of con. undrums to me. He professes, in his academic and diatectical vein, Socratic ignorance. He asks, What is Impe- rial supremacy? What are Imperial affairs? What are local affairs? He says man may hover on confines of sanity or upon the border-and on the other side before he would be able to answer the question.
 "Lord Cecil interrupted: Does the gentleman mean walking through the lobbies?
 Mechanicsvilte, March 20.
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
-
Fooled the Butcher

The butcher smiled as the young woman. trimly clad and smiling 10 herself. crossed the street and ap preached the shop. A bride" he said ''I bet she'll make some fool break
 Give me porterhouse steak. thick. as close as you can come to two pounds" she said No. not that one. nor that. I think I'll have to ask you to bring out a new quarter. No. | don't want two pounds and three quarters II will he just right if you cut out that large bone That will do thank you. This dime is smooth. gave YOU perfectly good money and you may give me good money in change, That's better, thank you. Win you open the door. please?"
 And when the butcher recovered he said to himself. Well. | suppose fl does a man good to get whats coming to him once in awhile"-Buffalo Ex press
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
A QUICK CHANGE.
1t Saved the Captain From the Fury of
 Fuss and Feathers"

General Winfield Scott was one of the most rigid martinets that ever held l command in the United States ar my. Early in his career he won the name of Fuss and Feathers" and 1t stuck to him 10 the end. He had a terrific temper, and when in one of his tempestuous moods every one shrank from before him.
 His suggestions were not strictly followed at the battle of Bull Run. When news of the disaster reached Washington his rage was fearful He strode up and down his office. swing ing his arms and shrieking like wild man In the midst of the outbreak Captain C.. an Irishman and one of his aids. entered the room and saluted.
 "The compliments of Prisident Lin con. and he asks
 The massive lunatic. his face aflame. wheeled about
 Out of m presence You are traitor like the rast of them! Leave at once!'
 The dazed captain retreated in con fusion. A few hours later the general
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24

sent for him. In fear and trembling. the irishman presented himself.
 Captain C.. l wish to apologize for my rudeness a short while ago" said the aged general ill his most pompous manner His words were so unex- peeted that the captain was rattled.
 Tt was piece of dommed rude ness
 What" thundered the general. starting to rise from his chair The captains Irish wit flashed to his aid
 4on my part to come into your pris. enee without your permission"
 The cyclone was soothed. bur when Captain c. passed outside he scratched his red head and muttered.
 I'd rather the old man would cuss me for two weeks than use tin see. 1nds in apologizing. It wouldn't he half so trying. Los Angeles Times
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24

Heavy, impure blood makes a mud. dy, pimply complexion, headaches, nausea, indigestion, Thin blood makes you weak, pale, sickly. Bur. dock Blood Bitters makes the blood rich, red, pure--restores perfect health
 Stops itching instantly. Cures piles, eczema, salt rheum, letter, itch, hives, herpes, seabies-Dosn' s Ointment. Al any drug store.
 For mild, easy action of the bow. els, single dose of Doan' Regulets is enough. Treatment cures habitual constipation. "a cents box. Ask your druggist for them.
 "Dr. Thomas Eciectric oil Is the best remedy for thai often fatal dis. ease-croup. Has been used with sue cess in our family for esght years.r- Mrs. L. Whilacrs, Buffalo, N. !.
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
P0,rer

One pound of pulver.aed sn2a' 7. pound of flour every srantf liIiff'.. two ounces of chopped i'foi '' k blespoonful If ciuaa an. ol''-'ia's of d teaspcoaful of c6F $. '''l of a teas@o9aful If pe3Heh ''es
 ter of pound of chopped f'-- meats. Beat tla su-af ali f7'
 hour. then add the other a the citron lasl. Put in iitilr laA. . greased pan. Bake in modera'F
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
A Change of Opinion.

Some years ago a noted warrior O. the Potawatsmie tribe presented tim self to the Indian agent al Chicago as one or the chief men of his village. ob- serving with the customary simplicity of the Indian that he was very good man and good American and con. ciuding with request for a dram of whisky.
 The agent replied that It was not his practice to give whisky to rood ma, that good men never asked for whisky and never drank il when it was offered to them and that II was bad Indians only who demanded whisky.
 Then. said th, Indian. me - raseat Modern Eio9uence."
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24

Miss Rogstand, the first woman to represent constituency in the Stor- thing Swedish Parliamentl, made her first speech before that body en Friday last. The entire assembly rose when Miss Rogstad began her speech. She said that the day would be memora- ble one as is was the first time a wo- man had ever participated in the na- tion's Parliament, and predicted that the movement for political enfranehise. ment of women was bound to succeed and to result in many reforms. Miss Rogstad is a school teacher and repre- sents one of the seats of the city of Christiana.
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
Stews That Are Good to Eat.

A variation of the old time Iha stew has the meat cooked with tOna. toes. peppers and potatoes in place q the usual carrots and other vegetabe For a brown stew cut the cooked q uncooked meat in pieces, roll then h -four and fry them brown in drippns Then turn in hot water and boil untl the meat is within fifteen minutes | being tender. Add potatoes cut | pieces. a green pepper or two WA the seeds removed. and cut in Fieel q sweet red pepper or two prefafa in the same way and d h1!f cuffu dI tomatoes. Season with salt, peplg and little paprika.
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24

minutes In a moderate ovan 'q with whipped cream. If if is ss 's to cook this in individual epns e'as the cups, nf only two-thIrds ,vS Su'ss allow for puf1ng up of the a,.s set the cups in pan of rs... .s ~ bake. Some like dash of c,ra % in this.
 Another recipe for prune wh,. which the making is omitted ,s v . cially rich. Take one pint of prunes. one-third pint of thict a whites of six eggs and rssnho.ss loganberry jelly. After thorosrpse. ' draining the prunes pit them ana them through colander, but o. % rubbing the skins through as mra. possible. Beat the whites of the s.s to a stiff froth. then by degrees ts this into sifted prunes. If not sr enough to suit the taste add spoonful of sugar.
 The delicacy of this dish ao,.., largely upon the thorougbness ~,s which the ingredients are beata, gether. When well beaten toqo,t pour into glass dish. Whip the c,os- and spread evenly over the ton of ras ding, then fleck the whipped crsss 1 with bits of the jelly. Serve vg cream or. if preferred, with cns,.., made from the yolks of six ergS
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
NeapoItan Cake.

For neapolitan cake prepare " cake batters. one white and the OlP yellow. and divide each batter into IT parts. Color one half of the wliIe a
 ter beautiful pink and leave U other half white Color and taFor r4 half of the yellow batte" wi'b eng late. Bake each of the cakes n Ha form and when cold place 'h' @e together with d niye soft icing fa' f1 with orange juice The yellow Rs may be favored With crl2g2 fl0 desired and the white faro%a ss vanilla or almond Iha pink '3' favored with stra Wberfy ar rose
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24

Do the right thing if you have Nasal Catarrh. Gel ElY's Cream Balm at once. Don't touch the catarrh pow ders and snutls, for they contain CO., came. Ely's Cream Balm releases the secretions that inflame the nasal pas. Sages and the throat, whereas medi. cines made with mercury merely dry up the secretions and leave you no better than you were. In word, Ely's Cream Balm is a real remedy not delusion. All druggists, 50 cents, or mailed by Ely Brothers, 56 Warren street, New York.
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
Askinl Too Mnch

In Scotland once drunken man met clergyman chasing his runaway doc on sunday. "Tammas." said the breath. less clergyman "I am sorry to see you lh thls condition. but whistle for my dog He is running away"
 Iammas regarded the speaker with gravity and said: ''Whustle9 mav orink whisky, but I'll no whustle for ony dog on the Lords day"
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
A I;+tla M;~od

The school superintendent of Wash ington says that the brightest wrong answer ever given given by a school child in Washington was this:
 Algebra was the wife of Euclid and the mother of Geometry" Wash ipgton Star
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
An Attractive sundas.

For an attractive Saad1e lfei@s vanilla ice cream. divide il ainou- many sherbet glasses as tng' guests to be served and spr'nA" + with minced nut meats aLd . around it some finely havoreu s, from a jar of the best prese''
 gar
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
Dividing Her W.;oh,

i'ont stand on that delicate table ,o nahs The picture. Martin. lt,u hraos Ion re loa heavy"
 oh. n" I'm not. mum. It'n hao, me. I'm standing only on one too,
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
Still Stronger.

Grocer-Good morning Mir. Popple. How are those eggs I sent you? Pop pie Better thank you. They are gaining strength every minute.
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
|. Snbscr,bers of the Patriot


 According 10 Order No. gO4 Of she Post office Department subscri- hers cannot be indebted to newspa- per more than one year and still have Inc paper sent to them at the second elsss rsts. Tine order reads ss follows:
 4 reasonable time will be allowed publishers to secure renewals Of sub scriptions, but unless subscriptions are erpTesslv reneWed after the term for which they are paid within the follow ing periods:
 Dailies, within three months,
 Weeklies, within One Year, they shall not be counted in the iegiti- maie list of subscribers, and copies mailed on account thereof shdH not te aeeepted for mniftng at the second clasr postage rate of one cent pound, but may be mailed at the transient sec ond class postage rate Of ceni for each four ounces of fraction thereof, prepaid by stamps affixed
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24

we are Inclined to believe in ,hose V. ~ ',o"' W" oo not know because they usse never deceived us.-Johnsop
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24

Life is a plant that grows out of death.-Beecher.
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24
Cookery L2oCes
Pruna s.,..r

r Ho17e,
 For T or prune soufle !, n move ent the pits iron large cupful O, s,. | prunes . ,i and chop ss' Add Add the whites of tS,s \, eggs and half 1ls. of sugar beeten .p's .s stin froth. Mi. turn into q hr,. 's dish and bska
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24

Our stock of Untrimmed Hats, as we'll as Millinery Trimming are exceptionally attractive and stylish.
 Remember ths Opening Dates
Putnam patriot., 1911-03-24

are exquisite and our un- usual endeayor in providing millinery of exclusive fash ions is to meet the demand of every woman to secure the Newest Ideas in 1911 Millinery.