davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

We've had Nora, witch is our cook, q
lawnS time now and she hasent got
married or she hasent got fresh, ony
she sertenly duz drop a lot of dishis
and things witch makes Pop nervus
bekaus If thares enything Pop hates
its TO have peple awl the time drop
ping things. Once dropped the med
ism chest bang, bang, bang, and II
was fearse the way Pop carried avn.
! feal soar yet wen 1 think about it.
When Nora Drops
Nora drops the most things wen Pop
and Ma and me and Sue, witch is my
big sister, are Getting dinner Last
mite she dropped things. l beeing Q
sawrser l beeing a plate, l beeing a
glass. and l beeing anuther sawrser.
Mothir. sed pa. IN the name of peece
and hominy fire that gerl.
l will do nuthing of the sort, sed ma.
She is a fine gerl and you should have
pity on her insted OF scolding just be-
klaus her hands is a littel shake.
She shood have pity on my nervs and
my dishes, pa sed, and l don't want
eny dizzert, that's how mulch she has
upset me.
Gosh, pa, sed, I woodent miss this
chocolate cake if she dropped the whole
cubberd all at once. And neither
wood.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

The stage-struck youth was indus
triously fashioning a peculiar weapon
out of stick, when he dropped his
knife. The noise of the falling cutlery
walked the stage dOorkeeper. who took
in the situation with a drowsy glance.
He smiled and said. You might as
we'll give up tryin', kid. You was born
in the wrong part of the country to
fashion a boomerang. There's some
thing in the blood that makes the
manufacture Of one of them weapons
possible.
Now, For Instance
Now, for instance. take Rang and
Tang, the Australian boomerang throw
ers that are givin' their little stunt
here this week. Can you beat EN-?
Say, the first time saw them heave
one of them sticks out at the audience
had visions of damage suits and hav
ing our performance stopped by the
chief of police. But they certainly
have their kindling wood trained to
heel. Never saw anything like it in all
my born days.
You perhaps know that it's
known fact that no American has ever
been known to manufacture one of
them retrievin' clubs or throw 1t sue
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
Away to the War;
Or, Inconsistency

Long the lady looked at the like
ness.
A big, shiny tear rolled out of the
eve that is nearest you In the illus
tration, executed an improper but
amusing wiggle dance on the tip Of
the fat girls retrousse nose and
crashed to the floor with a dull but
not sickening thud.
He had gone away to the war. Per-
chance to get killed. Perchance to
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10

get the top of his dear head blown
off. Perchance to get it all blown off.
Another tear, larger, If anything,
than the first. but on the other side,
and hence invisible in the Illustration,
splashed gently on the oriental rug
against which the beautiful creature
was leaning. All, why~had he not
needed her and remained at home?
He had gone away to the war! But.
a.! There is a well-known footstep
or two, and HE is with her.
81 have hired a substituted" he ex-
claims aloud.
Indignantly the maiden stopped and
searched for her two tears.
"Cowardr' she Kissed
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
SHE HOLDS IT Up TO THE
Saponaceous SponSer
Loretta's Looking Glass

or liquidat!ng was forthcoming. And.
of course, you do not add that the date
Of their beginning to succeed arrived
only when they refused to appear on
grab-bag programs for NOTHING be-
fore-NoBODIES.
But it's the truth. When girl came
20 the conclusion that she might as
well starve in her hall bedroom as in
the corridor of a great hotel waiting for
her turn to delight the fat and span
gled females in the audience room and
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10

you're fond Of hearing denials, just
mention that fact to Mrs. Gumbo! Her
husband take a drink! Nevah!
Well, Mrs. Gumbo dropped into the
town. IT'S my. husbands birthday to-
day." she chirps, and I want you
to send him around some nice cakes
or something. Use your own judy
ment," Mrs. G. Close? Oh, no!
did up three pounds of our choicest
cakes and sent 'em around. And dc
that errand boy get his orders twistedY
He did. And did he cave two cork
screws for old man Gumbo? He did
that also. I'm still explaining,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
Our Grocery Clerk
Saws 1t Was Awful

When It comes to fluent takers, I'm
right there with the foo, but believe
me, words fail me when I try to give
an idea Of the hardness of our errand
boys head.
Mrs Gumbo is one of our best Gus
toners and her husband, old man Gum
DO, is one of the best customers Of
every saloon in the neighborhood and
a few in the outlying districts. But Il
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10

Mrs. wilsun came ovir TO our house
last mite and Ma and her tawked about
the servint kwestshun.
We've had wife, black and Swedish
gerls, but Ma ses we've nevir had a
gerl yet that Good cook. alltho If
that's the kase I don't see what they've
bin doing GROUND the gas stove awl
the time.
Mas Discouraged
don't believe there is no sutch a
thing as the perfec servint gerl. Ma
sed to Mrs. Wilsun.
Oh. yes there is, Mrs. Wilsun sed,
my Bridgit is a jool.
Jools don't spill cowfee on peoples
cloze, Ma sed, pointing TO a cawfee
mark witch Mrs. wilson's servint gerl
spilled on her one time wen she was
ovir at Mrs. Wilson's house tawking
and Getting.
They do If people mock there elboz,
Mrs. Wilsun sed and then they both
began to tawk togethir at the same
time so l coodent here wat eether of
them was saying and II they Good they
must Of been pritty smart Then Mrs.
Wilsun went home and Ma sed, Sum
people sertenly are unreeznible, and I
sed, WITCH people, and Ma sed, I wasent
tawking to you.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
To Be Sprung
During Vacation
SHE WANTED ACHANGE

Dear Clara" wrote the young man.
pardon me, but I'm getting SO forget
full. I proposed to you last night, but
really forgot whether you said yes or
no."
Dear WILL she replied by note, 80
glad to hear from you. I know I said
mo- to some one last night, but I had
forgotten just who 1t was"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10

the of the world
But think of all this however, when their
daughters concerned add many the
Of needed drive folk blinded by
9o eopemen marriages. the tragic that
fling shadow their whole lives
not often the mother of the girl the mother Of the boy
who between him and his love Spurred little by
jealousy and little by that her foolish she
him about the girl scods and finally drives him >vewng his
affair" far seriousydve him committing foolish
and off the possibilities of the gradual drifting OF the
lives (Which almost inevitable ordinary ccumsance and
later face unhappe for her boy and the SCATTERING of his
faith her
Little More Than Children
There such ptu before the public of
between what little children
boys and who, when arrested admitted they had
fearing separation because their would their
affection for each other.
Poor little things! Would have happened do you think
fathers
have happened the girls and the boys had each
accepted good humored the love their child tried kind
o'the other till that mother of ALL the
heart forward happier and better for its glimpse love- along
the path of life?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10

on need not throw up your hands
v and trot out your excuses! With
malice aforethought, with vigor-
Gus intent to roast, to SINCE and burn.
this linguistic holocaust is lighted.
You are the chairman of the enter
tainment committee of the club. You
are working tooth and nail-and cheek!
to have a more brilliant set Of pro-
grams to your credit than the woman
who lid your kind of GORGEOUS
GRATING last year.
Saponaceous Spongers
You belong to that Sisterhood of Sa-
ponaceous Spongers who exist in the
very heart of the clubs which claim to
benefit women and advance their inter-
ests. But you invalidate the claim. You
are pelican that gulps all you can
get and cares little for those who go
without.
And your pet food is the work and
time Of aspiring artists who want to
get a foothold and a meal ticket in
the community. You ask them to play
or sing or recite for your club!
And you offer-ADVERTISE
You have stalking parties and still
hunts for your victims. You catch them
young and ambitious. You quote them
the names of certain successful artists
who made their debuts' at your club.
You do not say that the 'debuts'' were
all they made! Nothing more filling
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
Knew His business

Druggist-I am getting up a new
patent medicine, and I want some signs
painted.
Scenery Decorator-How many words :?
Not many. Just say Take Doctor
Squills' strip for that tired feeling"
All right. I'll put it on every steep
hill can find"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
Try These Meath
Shady Trees
HANDING 1T BACK

He-Do you know that as long as
have known you have never seen you
dressed In whittier
She-Indeed! Are you, then, so par
tial to the color?
He-Not exactly that: but whenever
see a girl dressed in white I am always
tempted to kiss her.
She-Win you excuse me for a quarter
of an hour?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
The New Dodge

How'll you get off for the opening
game? You killed your grandmother
off last season"
I'll get off to go to grandfather's
wedding. What's the matter with the
old gentleman getting married again ?'
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
TOO, EXPENSIVE

This cigar tastes like 1t was made of
cabbage" growled the customer.
Huh replies the clerk. ''If you
knew the wholesale price of cabbage
this year you wouldn't insinuate that
It could be put in cent cigar"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
WHEN NOAH WAS A BOY

He would persist in sailing around
on sail boats made of shingles. 1t
was somewhat dangerous, but when
his mother found out that they were
poplar shingles and knowing what a
poplar" youth Noah was. she became
resigned. Cause you know" she
said, like attracts like"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
ENGLISH Joke FOR TO-DAY

Show me one Of the old robber
castles" demanded the Easter tourist
on the Rhine The patient guide
blInked. and looked unhappy. ''Robber
easiest" he echoed ''robber castles?
Does the Herr mean a garage?"-The
Pink I'm.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
Had Tried Them

Meeker-This paper says that mud
baths will cure rheumatism.
Seeker-Nonsense! I've run for Office
three or four times, and it didn't do
nc a bit of good.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
He Was a Husband

What is a woman" asked the
speaker.
Woman" replied a man in the au
dience-a married man-'fs an animate
being, with power of speech abnormally
developed, and entirely surrounded by
a dress that buttons up the back"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10

cessfully. 1t seems that you've got
to be born In the bush, wherever that
is, and be on speakin' terms with kan
garoos, mbats and the like 1t
seems that the Australians always go
hunting with one of these little re-
verse curve parabola makers instead
of noiseless Maxim, and for effective
ness they have a Mauser pushed way,
way back. Wish l could get the hang
OF one of them, but I know that can't
because l was born in the wrong part
of the globe and can't even look like
a brunette"
Old Home Week
But" said the stage-struck youth.
why did they cut their act short to-
night? They seemed to be in an awful
hurry to get away"
Yep" said the stage doorkeeper,
they were in a hurry. They went on
to bingham, Massachusetts,. think
there is an Old Home Week or some
thing of the kind going on there, and
Rang and Tang never miss It. You see
they were born there. and 1 think they
told me that their great-grandfather
was the first hog reeve the town ever
had. But maybe he was q fence
viewer 1 forget just which"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
Discovered

Benham-That hluffing lawyer said he
would make 1t hot for me.
Mrs. Benham-How did he know that
you suffered from cold feet?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
Not So Bad

Gracious! You have received a black
hand letter"
"Oh, is that all? I glanced at Il
casually and thought my tailor was
after me again"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
ON GRANDMA AGAIN

please, SIR" said the Office boy.
well. what is it?" demanded the
boss.
please. sir, could get off again to-
day? We had to postpone grandma's
funeral yesterday on account Of the
rain
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
In the Usual Manner

AS the train neared the city the col
ored porter approached the jovial-faced
gentleman, saying, with a smile:
Shall All brush yo' off, sah?"
NO." he replied, Il prefer to get off
in the usual manner"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10

He first love affair-do you remember how it turned
the whole world rose color for you? And how
final and unequvocal seemed the love that
throbbed in your heart?
How stern parents seemed when they insisted
upon sending him home at 10 o'clock didn't
they, and how you talked in whispers OF clipping
to escape the scoding of his" parents, and how
you sighed because the path OF true love never did
smooth, but whatever happened vowed you
would always be true?
Yet after all, it didn't take long to forget did
it? 1t wasn't long before other interests and other
dreams and other loves filled your mind, for that is
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
Friendly Neiphnors

do you tell your wife everything you
do while she Is away?"
NO; the neighbors attend to that"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10

the but, goodness didn't bother any had idea
could hit ball far and Judge by the Bills
face when he chased EN- he hadn't either Fny took pity
him which bad but
much trouble for the other fellow when chasin
The Scores Had Mamie Guessing
thing tennis Belle, the It'd be
trick but girl wanted take advantage OF fellow while
he her the she could pretend be thckheaded and
take all that love" talk if it wasn't the 1t had
guessin a
I'd hit ball high thought had tired and forgot
TO down when Bill sings Fifteen, love-"
Well, swallowed Bill has
far usin' those ncrimnatin words and
didn't whether he'd himself I'd misunderstood him.
"W-what?" |
Fifteen. love" says Bill
who's love-" suspiciousike
says Bill, bold brass seemin surprised
needed ask.
Honest Belle about wipe the Precipitation Of honest
labor and gurgl, This sudden when heard
another fellow in the yell his Thirty
love-" And his partner happened to be
"Oh, l. II thought maybe was"
it's wonderful game-nohn like exerce-bu
you don't prepared you're h'ble 0 get a shock
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1911-06-10
MAMIE TELLS BELL
Although the Terms Are
A Bit Pulling at First
TENNIS is A GREAT GAME

Ellie, you can never guess what l was doin today.
Let tell you before you guess somepih' foolish.
| was playin' tennis.
It's a great game, Belle. Bill took me out to
the courts in the park and showed me the ropes.
fell over a few of 'em, but l think I'll know 'em
next time | see EN-. Bills wizard at it-he can
make tennis ball sit up and beg-and he's been
after me for long time to take little trip out
to the park and see if l could teach racquet to
behave.
If you want to see how far you can hit ban
without hurtn' its feelin's, Belle, try tennis. o
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1911-09-01
CHANGE WAS MADE
IR REGISTRATION
LAW COVERING VOTERS OF THE
STATE AMENDED AT RE-
CENT SESSION.

Atlanta, Aug. 31.-Scores of inquir-
les are reaching the capitol every
day from various parts of the state
asking for details regarding the
changes made by the legislature in
the state registration law, particular
ly regarding special elections. 1t
seems thar the change has never been
published in detail.
Here is The new section of the code:
Any person who has registered for
any special election, shall. if other
wise qualified to vote at any special
election before the next said general
election, be listed and entitled TO
vote at such special election. Within
i've days after the call OF said special
election, the tax collector shall close
his voting books and within five DAYS
thereafter he shall file with the coun-
ty registrars an accurate and com
nlete list Of all the names signed in
said voters book since the close of
the voters book for the last general
election and not before filed with said
registrars for the last general election
said list to be made out and arranged
as provided in section As. Within
five days thereafter 'the registrars
shall file with the clerk of the SUI
perior court said supplemental regis
tration lists showing the names of the
additional voters who are entitled to
vote at said special election, and any
person whose name appears upon said
fat may vote at such special election
End at any primary to nominate can
6ates for offices to be filled at such
ocial elections but the REGISTRARS
All purge said list before filing it
Of all persons who viii not be qualified
20 vote at said election in the same
manner as preparing and purging the
reaistration lists for the general cleo
ton
shall furthermore he the duty of
REGISTRARS upon. the call of a spe-
J election to purge. the list Of reg
'sta"ed voters prepared for the last
General election Of any names subse-
ntly disqualified bv failure to pay
'aTes becoming due subsequent TO the
last general election
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1911-09-01
Ne q Word Of soandal

MARRIED the call of neighbor on Mrs.
W. z. Spangh of Manville, Wyo, who
said: "She told me DR.. Kings New
Life Pills had cured her Of obstinate
kidney trouble, and made her feel
IKE a new woman" Easy, but sure
remedy for stomach, liver and kidney
troubles. Only 25c at Roses Drug
Store.
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1911-09-01
PHONE 313
STAFF LYONS
PHONE 313

Foley's Honey and Tar Compound
Still retains its high place as the best
household remedy for all coughs and
colds, either for children or grown
persons. Prevents serious results
from a cold Take only the genuine
Foleys Honey and Tar Compound and
refuse substitutes. For sale at Rob
ert's Pharmacy.
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1911-09-01
Digestion and AssimiIatjon

It is not the quantity of food taken
but the amount digested and assimi-
lated that gives strength and vitality
to the system. Chamberlain's Stom-
ach and Liver Tablets invigorate the
stomach ~ed liver and enable them
to perform their functions naturally.
For sale by all dealers.
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1911-09-01
Foley Kidney pills

win reach your individual case if you
have any form of kidney and bladder
trouble or urinary irregularities. Try
them.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-10-06
PRODUCTION was, after all, not such q
difficult matter.

PRODUCTION was, after all, not such q
difficult matter.
In spite of this laxity the authori-
ties were puzzled to know how the
dynamite came to be struggled into
the basement of the palace under the
very nose of the police. One Of the
numerous prisoners who were arrest
ed for the crime laughed airily when
questioned about this phase Of the
conspiracy.
'Tt was easy" he said, "as easy as
breathing"
did Chalturin carry 1t with hint p
''Not at all. That might have been
fatal to our plans. At least dozen
men assisted in the delivery Of the
dynamite, and had any one Of them
been arrested the other eleven would
have remained to have carried out the
program
"But what sort Of men were they?"
"Just everyday, ordinary kind OF
men. The sort that would not be no
ticed in a crowd. For instance, the
fact that baker handed couple Of
rolls to Chalturin would excite no
comment, and yet these innocent bits
of bread might have contained one
tenth Of all the dynamite smuggled In
to the palace. Some Of it was hidden
In carpenters tools. some In the lin
ing of workingmen's caps. But why
go further? The men who plan great
things must possess great ingenuity
as well as great courage"
But to get back to the narrative.
Chalturin said that while he was in
the basement of the palace he suffered
frightfully from headaches. which
were caused by the poisonous exhala-
tons Of the nitroglycerine on which
he rested every night. When the first
Of February arrived, fifty kilogrammes
Of dynamite had been introduced, and
the counterfeit carpenter was now in
position to go ahead with his deadly
work.
He hesitated at the last moment,
but it was too late to retreat. He felt
that in any event his own life was Inn
periled. If he accomplished the das-
tardly plot, he would be executed by
the government; II he refused to do
so, he was likely to be assassinated
by his associates. While he was still
In state of uncertainty, he received
a letter from the executive commit
tee telling him to delay no longer,
but to fire the dynamite.
In the excitement that ensued, Chal-
turin escaped and left st. Petersburg,
but in the end, as already related. he
was caught in the vast net spread by
Trepoff and suffered death as the pen
atty of his great crime.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-10-06
The Clue OF the
BambOOCon6S
cAO
kofpisode inthe Life of General 1repoffc.
Ch1efof Police of St.Petersbur8.
COPYRIGHT 1911 BY " .CHAP

called for the purpose Of demanding
satisfaction of General Trepoff for his
tyranny in ordering a political pris-
oner, named Bogolinbuss, to be logged
for slight breach of prison dis
cipline. It seems that for years she
had been nursing grievance against
the chief of police. She believed that
she was to be the instrument by which
Trepoff was to be removed from his
position. Her life, it is asserted, was
an apprenticeship for one thing-the
killing Of the cars chief of police.
At the age Of seventeen she had been
arrested and kept in prison for two
years because she had received letters
from revolutionist After that she
passed an examination as a school
teacher and was working at book bind
ing. At the end of 1875 she returned
to st. Petersburg. Her experience had
prepared her for the deed. On the
morning in question she presented him
with paper, and while he was read
ing 1t fired her revolver and then es-
capped.
IL w d0 BULL Sl(S1 ILLS tACbb kAO NAcA
called upon Trepoff, promoted him to
the position of counsellor of state and
then charged him with the commits
sion Of capturing and Furnishing the
man or men who were guilty of the
outrage in the winter palace.
Trepoff was a man Of remarkable
capacity. He was burly in form but
singularly nimble In thought. He had
the cunning Of the fox with the pa.
tience and persistence Of we'll
trained hunting dog. A number OF
men were arrested on suspicion. That
was necessary. It seems to be the
practice of the police In all countries
to arrest somebody at some time In
connection with every crime that is
committed. Afterwards, II the person
can prove his innocence, all Is well,
but in the meantime there Is a feeling
that the police have been alert and
have done everything in their power
to capture the criminal. But in this