The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1911-01-12

honest officer, during the day OF nisH.
should take even one from q pne o,,Id
900 sovereigns. the whole Pile Woulu
instantly sink and q pool OF water take
its place. besides letting every person
in the establishment know OF the inert.
-Harper's weekly.
/ HUNOR or THE Day
.Your father told me never to show
NV face around his house again" Never
mind cESly n siyec city % Jonrns pan
How. did that spirituarist exhibition,
a a 4eye gs failure. How sop IT was
a show of a ghost which didn't result in
the ghost of a show."-Baltimore Ameri-
can.
The Judge-Can you describe any speci-
fic act of cruelty on the part of your
husband? The COMPLAINANT should say
/ can! Whenever he had anything to say
and s1 nis saw We it. and then disconnect Before
I had a chance to talk back to htm--Chi-
..Popr' Eyes. my SON. DO you re-
member before we had matches? oh,
sAnd. when you went in to get cigar
would the cigar dealer give you a pack
age of finder boxes, pop?'-fonkers
Statesman.
Caller-Do you allow your husband to
smoke in the house? Mrs. Hewlingus-Oh.
yes: when he's smoking that old pipe OF
his it makes me forget my neuralgia--Chi-
cago Tribune.
"Johnr' she exclaimed jabbing her ell
lock the kitchen door?'' And John, who is
inner guard and was just then dreaming
up in bed, made the proper sign. and re-
sponded: Worthy ruler, our portals are
f Il" he viva was aseep!-Unite tied PresbSterian.
Tough Job.-"An flesh is grass sighed
a meadow of beefsteak like this" growled
her boarder. throwing down his knife in
disqualification Transcript.
ct isn't what a man earns that makes,
him rich said the moralizer. No" re-
| his father aved."-Chicago Daily News.
kind,hearted woman, as she handed the
intellectual looking tramp a large piece
of her best jelly cake. Me real name.
eager bites, lis known only to tn forgot
| ten past. but ever since me gal turned me
down. an her OF man turned me out. I've
| went by tn name of Gas Chicago
in the corner Hes a crazy circus ma man
who is drawing up a catalogue for an en-
! has he catalogued so far?'' "A sun dog
moon calf, an ocean greyhound, a
ie.ican-
| Orchestra Leader-AII the orchestra
| players are drunk. Theatrical Manager-
Well, drag EN- out. We advertised full
orchestra. sas sss-..s-,s.
Biblical History Lesson.-.swhat hap
ebed to- BBabyon asked the sunday
And what became of Nineveh?'' ut was
destroyed. And what of Tyre?" "Punc-
turedi"-Cleveland Leader.
Just the -willie-Here's sign 1
get from !,, the Postoffice- Mrs slimson.-
the sign .'For Transients.i You lust take
it right back. II thought you might like
to hang it UP in your kitchen. Life
| Frank Polygamy.-"For tomorrow's off
cial ceremony invitations have been issued
/ trict, who with their wives will number.
fuli caneeity of e fha sJg which Is the
press and Echo.
How does that young man impress
your" Mot at all L never take kindly to
a young man who wraps a twenty-dollar.
Press. $3.50 0'' ''o'' nfee
for divorce? Mrs. Higbupp-No.S but rye
| begun the suit I'm going to wear when I
| get my ulVOEce.-Puck-
Newritch-So you want me to give YOU
/ JOB? Wellbred-Yes, sir. am willing
to work, even though it is for a mere nit
lance. Newritch-Git outi The nerve Of
you. calm me name like thati-Cleve-
land Leader.
| Il suppose we will soon be hearing the
joke about the big fish that got aWayH
| My friend" replied the fisherman with
i food at present prices the fish that gets
away is not joke. 1t is a eaIanitv''-
Washington Star.
Pardon me. madam, but the way that
man across the aisle is staring at Won
must be very offensive. Do you wish me
70 lnferfsse? ;. oh; no; thank YOU That
He's very nearsighted, and Thinks I,11
somebody else. '-Cieveland Plain Dealer
Il FHow did the street car company come
Il to fire that old conductor? 1 thought he
mad pull. He did. but he didn't use
it on the cash register.''-Buffalo Express