The Newark journal., 1911-02-24
Too Many Compile ations

She will like this room, I am sure" " said the woman caller to the keeper of the boarding house All she wants is 8 pleasant place, where she can live quiet, simple"
 Don't say another word" interrupt ed the landlady, nervously. T cant let your friend have the room"
 Why not? She is a very sweet girl"
 T don't doubt that at all, but I al ready have three boarders in my house who are trying to live the simple life and 1t is making life great deal too complicated for me. Originally I in tended to accept only woman boarders, but my niece who boards with me said she wouldn't eat breakfast without a man at the table, so took in a young lawyer. Insist that she shall get up to eat breakfast with him, too"
 That probably is no hardship-if he Is nice" remarked the woman call CT
 "Oh, he is nice enough, but he wants his breakfast at GAS o'clock. My niece has to set her alarm clock a full hour earlier than that in order to get on all her eurls. Then that young lawyer just buries his head in the newspaper and growls if any one speaks to him. One morning he did try to be pleas ant to her. He told her that he liked only women who were past 9. He thought he was saying something that would please her, but it didn't.
 As reomer, however, that young man would be ideal if he would only drop the simple life. Fresh air is his hobby. He leaves the screen open every time he crawls through his bed room window. He says he never be fore slept so sound1y as he does on the roof, which slants away from his room. The trouble is that 1 lie awake half the night worrying for fear he will roll off into Mrs. Boswelrs yard. never lost roomer that way, but I don't know what Mrs. Boswell would say if he should roll off, she is so particular about her lawn.
 Every morning I have to crawl through the window to make up that young mans bed on the roof, while small imp who lives across the alley calls his aunts and uncles and cousins to come out and watch me They act just as if l were rehearsing for a tight. rope performance. Of course the law. yer's room has to be swept and dusted just the same as if he slept there and feel as if he were occupying a whole suite and paying for just one room"
 The landlady paused for breath. The caller took the opportunity to remark: But surely your own niece does not put you to any inconvenience?"
 She is much worse than the law. yer, declared the landlady, bitterly Health foods are her speciality, but she follows a different system every week. If she wanted lemonade and peanuts for breakfast I didn't care. but 1 would not let her chew raw carrots at my dining-room table, so the raw food diet fell through. Then she de. cided to live on buttermilk and l had to order two quarts one day, only to find that she had stayed downtown to dinner! The amount of buttermilk distributed among the neighbors that evening made them think I kept COW
 Last week my niece read that two meals day were sufficient for any one, so she is skipping luncheon this week. She makes up for 1t at dinner. Why, she eats so much that I feel as if l were furnishing her three meals a day while she is paying me for only two. This idea of regulating ones ap. petite according to whether a meal is table d'hote or la carte is hard on us landladies, with prices continually going up on everything.
 Yesterday a new boarder came. She looked like such sensible person thai I was delighted with her But this morning she told me that she would have to be furnished with homemade bran bread and pure-food coffee the latter being boiled 45 minutes. She says these things are soothing for tired nerves. l don't believe fl myself
 She wants me to have punching bag put in the basement for her-mst below my bedroom. She says she is going to get up at 5 o'clock every morning to exercise with the punching bag.
 The only way I'll be able to get any sleep is to go to bed in the daytime As for making any money, my only hope is that my niece will take up the fasting fad
 No, as I said before. l can't take your friend if she wants to lead the