Omaha daily bee., 1911-04-30
THESE ARE STRICTLY FRESH
Small Package of Human Interest
Tales More Or Less
witty.

colonel Sir Charles HightSdale had MS
regiment out for practice march on the
road near Dublin. His command was the
shire Yeomanry, which had suffered
several overwhelming routs in the Boer
war. Meeting a drove of pigs on the way
to Dublin market Sir Charles considerably
halted his regiment at the roadside 30 as
to let the pigs pass.
"oh. come on, colonel; come on!' cried
the pig drover, respectfully saluting.
Come on, yer honor. Sure, there isn't
boar among them!"-Harper's Weekly.
Several young men were standing before
the desk in the Shirley hotel talking about
dogs. One of them thought he'd bother
the telephone girl by drawing her into the
discussion She is pretty and good natured,
but this afternoon she was very busy
Say, Bessie" said the young man, what
kind Of dogs do you like?"
The girl found time to say, Fox ter
riers."
You DOR
Yes. ia just love to have nice little
fox terrier"
"GeeW said the young man. I'D like to
be little fox terrier"
The girl smiled. You might not fill the
BILL" she said.
why not?' he asked
Because" she replied. after answering
a CALL 'Td want one bright enough to be
taught something, Denver Post.
Every man can find work IL he uses his
brains" said Andrew Carnegie, in an after
dinner address In New York. IF there
are no more openings in oil and sugar. rub
Der should be turned to. and II the auto
will probably be openings in the aeroplane
line.
1--WE should all be like the plano tuner
l once met out west
why said to him-for we were in
Wild unsettled country-'suray piano
tuning can't be very lucrative here. I
shouldn't imagine that pianos were very
plentiful in this region
Z" No, sir, they're not said the plano
tuner, but I make a pretty fair income
by tightening up barbed wire fences
A noted politician made the statement
in a speech that he had been among the
people so much that he could tell man 8
politics by just looking at him. At the
close of the speech he was asked to tell
the politics OF the men as they came for
ward to shake hands with him. The first
man approached with broad smile.
This man is a good old-fashioned demo-
crat." said the politician.
Correct" said the man.
To the next one he said: You are a
socialist"
81 am" the man replied.
The next man was a faced haggard
looKing Swede
This man." he went on to say. rs a
farmer; he voted the republican ticket, ex-
pectlng TO be benefited by revision of
the tariff by its friends"
! The Swede replied: Nav, I guess you
vas mistaken. 1 bane seek two tree wakes
vat max me loogk dis vay."-Norman
Maeks Monthly.
Simeon Ford, the raconteur. was speak
Ing on matrimony at a dinner in New York
''Matrimony should mean politeness," he
said. but does It?
I'VE all remember the man who was re-
buked by policeman for swearing at a
woman
why the man retorted, angrily and re-
proaehfully, she's my wife,
And the policeman with a profound apol-
ogy hurried on.
Another instance OF this sort occurred
the other night at the theater. man.
Fastening back to the parquet as the cur
tain was about TO rise for the third act.
Topped down, as he supposed, in his right
seat End gTowled at the lady at his side:
As / was saying when 1 went out,
It's none Of your business what other wo-
men wear. Suppose Mrs. Joe smith docs
make fool of herself by sporting patent
leather pumps and open-work stockings
when the Thermometers at zero. Is that
any reason why you
"'Sir! said the lady.
1.-The man gasped and for the first tim,
looked at her. She was not his wife after
all. Overwhelmed TO think that he had
dared 10 address a stranger in the brutal
tones reserved for his wife alone, he
muttered an apology and fled. "-Washing
ton Star.