davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13
Gems of Wit, Wisdom and Eloquence
MARRIAGE (Humorous).
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

tew state that every boldly don't win.
But, after all. married life IL full
az certain az the dry goods dizziness.
No man kan swear exackly WHARF
he will fetch up when he touches cal
leo.
Kno man kan tell list what calico
haz made up it's mind tew do next
Calico don't kno even herself.
Dri goods ov all kinds IL the child
OK circumstansis.
Sum never marry. but this IL jist az
risky, the disease liz the same, with
no other name to IL.
The man Who stands on the bank
shivvering. and dassent, liz more apt
tew ketch cold than him who pitches
hiz he'd fust into the river.
Thare liz but few who never marry
bekauze they won't, they all banker
and most ov them starve with slices
ov bread before them (spread on both
sides) list for the lack ov grit.
Marry yung liz mi motto
hav tried II. and kno what am
talking about.
II emmy boldly asks yu viii yu got
married or II needs bel. tell him yu
don't reccollekt.
Marriage liz a safe way to, gamble
II WI win, WI win pile, and IL VA lose,
WI don't Lore emmy thing, only the
privilege ov living dismally alone. and
soaking yure own feet.
repeat II. in italicks, marry young!
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13
THE COVENANT.

God smiled across the darkened sky
Arched a bow that snail never die.
And bordering It's beauteous bands
Bright stars. nodded by His own hands
Encircled In the bow a name
Stamped on the world by deeds OF
fame
Gods battle-ground: America.
And as we In tho battle die
With eyes and hopes turned to the
sky
Well carry In Eternity
stamped on our souls. America.
Though foreign lands our feet may
roam,
Deep in our hearts we'll long for home
While, through the mists OF home-si
tears,
We view the glory OF the years
The morning and the evening glow
Shall e'er reflect the mighty bow
The symbol of America
Gods hopes are conferred in our lard
His covenant shall ever stand,
t~A even in Eternity
Wen dream OF home: America
Almighty God, we pray. 10 Thee:
BE Thou our guide on land and sea
Thou art the truth, Thy ways are Just:
q, King OF Kings, In Thee we trust!
Rebuke us Lord. II we forget
Thy covenant: be with us yet
And consecrate America.
White hopes OF men and marty RS
blood
Are flashes from tho throne of God
The meaning In Eternity
Is mirrorrpd ~ America
Alice Morse. River Rouge.
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13

Marriage liz a fair transaction on
the face ov IT, But thare IL quite too
often put-up Jobs in IL.
IL IL an old insIitushun, older than
the pyramids. and az phull ov hyrogii-
picks that nobody kan parse.
History holds its tongue who the
pair waz who fust put on the siiken
harness, and promised tew work KIND
in 1t, thru thick and thin. up hill anu
down, and on the level, rain or shine.
survive or perish, sink or swim.
drown or flote.
But whoever they waz they must
have made a good thing out ov 1t, or
SO nanny ov their posterity would not
bav harnessed up since and drov out.
Thare liz a crate moral grip in mar
rage IL liz the mortar that holds the
soshull bricks together.
But thare amt but darn few pholks
who put their money In matrimony
who could set down and Civ good
written opinyun viii on arth they cum
to did It,
Sum marry for buty, and never dis
kover their pnistake; this IL lucky.
Sum marry for money, and-don't
see II.
Sum marry for pedigree, and feel
big for six months. and then very
sensibly cum tew the conclusion that
pedigree amt no better than skim
milk.
Sum marry tew pleze their rela
shuns. and are surprised tew learn
| that their relashuns don't care cuss
| for them afterwards.
Sum marry bekause they hav Dir
highsted sum WHARF else: this liz q
cross match, bay and a sorrel; pride
may make IL endurable.
Sum marry for love without cent
| In their pocket. nor a friend In the
world, nor a drop ov pedigree. This
looks desperate, but II IL the strength
ov the game.
Sum marry rakes tew convert them
This is little risky. and takes q
smart missionary to do It.
Sum marry coquetts. This IL like
buying a poor farm. heavily mort
gagged, and working the balance ov
yure days tew clear oph the mort
cages.
Married life has its chances. and
this liz Just what gives 1t favour
| Everybody luvs tew phool with the
chances, bekause every boldly ex
pekts tew win. But am authorized
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13

means the life OF trappist, the PEG.
pie OF Michigan will find many ana
many competent lawyers anxious 10
forsake the world, its pomp and vanl'
tiles I'm order TO become contrite her
mits in the desert OF Lansing, under
the garb OF friars going by the name
OF judges OF the supreme court OF
Michigan at the nominal salary OF
$1,000 year.
No law-abiding citizen contests the
high respect which should be shown
TO the judges, but when over.zealous
friends put them on a pedestal, be-
yond the gaze Of human beings, the
judges ought to be the first to cry
out: "Stop!," and order contempt OF
court proceedings against their idola-
tors.
EDMOND JONCAS.
Detroit, May IL, 1911.
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13
The IdOIst ~ Of Judge Worship.


To the Editor OF The Times: A few
lawyers and some newspapers have
for some time been venting their In
dignation at the law which requires
the judges OF our supreme court 10
reside in Lansing; an inferior town.
the capital of an inferior state known
as Michigan. They say that such a
statute Is unconstitutional
bar the controversy on this point.
"Unconstltutional" is a word that COW
/ OF a lawyer who recently declined TO
pay laundry bill on the ground that
II was unconstitutional.
Beyond that, as matter OF fact.
the lawyers and newspapers who
practically wish the supreme court
judges TO be knights errant, have so
extravagantly exalted the function OF
the supreme court judges that We are
forcibly reminded OF this saying OF
Solomon: "A compliment may be so
out of proportion that II might
amount TO an insult II its recipient Is
only endowed with average common
sense"
| Mr.. Otto Kirchner very aptly re-
marked at the recent meeting OF the
association OF the Detroit Bar that
I the reason for requiring the supreme
court judges OF Michigan to reside at
I Lansing. was for the best interest OF
! the people, and that IL was so repre-
sented by the judges OF that court
when their yearly salary was increas.
ed from $4,000 to $1,000 The supreme
court is composed OF men like We,
who have received no especial gift
from heaven.
An election TO their exalted Office
does not de facto" make them any
wiser. or better than they were
when in the private walks Of life
All that can be said is that they
have the authority bestowed on them
by law, not by heaven, TO end our
controversies whether they are right
or wrong in their decisions.
This means that II is good public
policy to end litigation somewhere by
final authority and no more.
Yet, the adulators OF the supreme
court Judges try TO make them be-
lieve that so soon as they get on the
bench. they know everything and are
infallible.
Backed by the wise saying of Solo
: mon and human experience, | repeat
that the Incorporate batteries being
now showered on the judges OF the
supreme court are an insult which by
all means should be rebuked by the
gentlemen on whom they are unload
ed
II II is so great a hardship and self
sacrifice to live in Lansing. the
Judges who cannot stand II are al
full liberty to send in their resigna'
ton.
: II the policy OF the greatest good
10 the greatest number Is sound. there
can be no doubt that the judges OF
our supreme court should reside al
Lansing where they are expected tc
confer with each other and render
: their decisions after mature deliber
, alton
II that Is too exacting on any OF the
present supreme court judges, the
, people do not require him to sacrifice
himself 10 his country, and he is a
: full liberty TO quit.
Were 1t true that living at LANSING
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13

proud or him. He was with me here
Easter Sunday and took such an in
terest IN his old mother and In things
about the house. To appreciate him
one must know him--he Is so clean
and fine and strong But" she added.
with a shudder, they have hung limo
cent men before. What II they should
hang my Johnny"
These mothers! They fight for their
boys against the world, IL need be.
But Mrs. Mcnamara may rest assured
that her Johnny" shall have square
deal.
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13
From Another Point of View

cueumoers are cheaper To cholera morbus, greetings!
Anyhow would card at the
a - w
Monar is trouble
somnia why doesn't he take in of his
a com backw the
rather than songs let's they simply
having
awnmowe will houro Of funeral 80
mailed
o box "e nm no'
A n town
Dy
come paoi
alleys - e'o' anu
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13
ADVERTISING TALKS.
Continued from page ID


ments of its wooden textile products.
Golfers Weekly after a discus
sion with the advertising agent send
ing out the advertisements, accuses
the Wooden Company OF attempting
to use these advertisements TO pur-
chase the silence Of the publications
on the subject OF Schedule X, OF the
Payne-Aldrich tariff bill.
I'VE cannot credit the American
Wooden Company with such SHORT
SIGHTED advertising policy. IL APP
parently BELIEVES I'm the mooted
Schedule X. II MUST have sound
reasons for this belief aside from sell
fishness alone. BUT THE PUBLIC
DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THESE
REASONS ARE.
Wouldn't It be a much better ad-
vertising policy for the American
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13
THE MOTHERS VERDICT.

The verdict in the Los Angeles "dy-
Mantle" case is already in, as far as
Mrs. Mary Mcnamara. OF Cincinnati,
mother of Secretary John j. Mona
mara, is concerned She says:
How can | believe such things of
my Johnny? Why. he has been such
good son, the very best in the
world, and have always been so
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13

ooh, from Detroit, ehi What a
fine city you have there. Your grand
river; beautiful Belle Isle; your de-
lightful boulevards; your well-kept
parks; your wide streets and pretty
homes. Certainly fine city
Ever been away from home among
strangers, made it known you were
from Detroit and heard something
like the abovei
The Detroit times., 1911-05-13
EDITORIALS BY THE PEOPLE

opinion upon
from fro " oersona i abuse '' w" ~ ~ " -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-02-25
WANTS LEGAL SEPARATION.
Mrs. Eliza S. Whitehead Charges
Her Husband With Cruelty.

Alleging that she was obliged to leave
her husband. Frederick j. Whitehead, July
IL last because she was unable longer
to endure his cruel treatment Of her, Mrs.
Eliza S. Whitehead yesterday fled suit
in the District Supreme Court for a legal
separation and permanent alimony
Justice Gould has cited Mr.. Whitehead
to show cause why he should not con-
tribute to the support Of his wife pending
the proceedings, and why he should not
pay q fee to her counsel. Attorney w.
Gwynn Gardiner. Attorney Conrad III.
Syme, a brother Of the complainant, who
is of counsel in the case. declines to &C
cept fee for his services.
Mrs. Whitehead tells the court she was
married October Is. 1902, and lived with
her husband until July, 1909. when, she
says. she was obliged to leave him by
reason of the alleged cruel treatment
She says her husband earns between
5000 and $1,000 per annum, and Should
be required properly to support her.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-02-25
Nothing More to It.
Another Shorty Story.

Adding to the interest of our Sunday
Magazine tomorrow is a Shorty Nc.
Cabe story. bearing the title LAS Big
Bart Put 1t Over" Big Bart was a
typical character who had grown big
mentally as well as physically. in the
strenuous life OF Centeria, a Colorado
mining town. Then, through the chance
acquaintance of a metropolitan society
devotee. he discovered that he and his
wife Minnie did not know SO much about
the amenities Of social life as they ought
to. and SO the couple went to New York
to learn all about 1t.
They had plenty of money. Shorty was
drawn into it as a sort OF social referee
for the purpose Of informing them II
their clothes were the proper cut and
color. what they should do next. ETC. This
tale has a plot, with q climax. naturally.
and it also possesses all the fun and
philosophy that go with Seweil Ford's
yarns about this famous physical Gull
turist. watch for II tomorrow In the
Sunday Magazine Of The Sunday Star.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-02-25
Gives Show in Linthicum Institute
Hall Last Evening.

Members of the Linthcum Institute
Dramatic Club gave q minstrel show in
Linthicum Hall. 3116 o street, George
town, last night. a large audience APP
plaudng the various numbers Of the pro-
gram.
III. +. Whitlock acted as interlocutor
and the end men were George Dowden,
Charles Sidney Forbes, John Murphy and
ID. J. Fitzpatrick. The program included
an opening chorus by the entire COM
PAW; Moonlight Glide" by Master
G. S. Forbes: MY Hero: by William
E. Darlington: Alamo Rag" by George
Dowden: When l Gather the Myrtle
with Mary by +. r. kidwell; Georgia
Grind by John Murphy: I'm Lucky
Boy by II. +. Whitlock; African
Glide" by D. J. Fitzpatrick. and grand
finale, "Good-by. Betty Brown by en-
tire company.
The show was in charge of a committee
consisting of Gates G. Rapp, John j.
Campbell, w. e. Darlington. Harry F.
Whitlock and H. G. Lapp.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-02-25
FOUR SMALL FIRES.
Policeman Johnson Extinguishes
One Blaze Before Arrival of Engines.

Policeman A. F. Johnson of the fifth
precinct acted as fireman last night
about o'clock, when a blaze was dis
covered in shed in rear of the house OF
Henry Baden, 211 Sth street southeast.
He made a success of his effort, although
he burned his hand.
Firemen and police reserves from the
fifth and ninth precincts responded to
the alarm, but the individual who had
sounded the call did not wait to direct
them to the scene of the blaze, and it
was thought at first to be a false alarm.
Many residents Of the vicinity hurried
from their homes to the street when the
engines dashed up. supposing there was q
big fire, but it was not until after PO-
liceman Johnson had extinSuished the
blaze that the firemen learned Of its To-
cation.
Georgetown fire companies and seventh
precinct policemen responded to an
alarm last night about . O'Clock and
found blaze in the chimney at the
house of Martha Curtis. 1861 9Th street.
About $40 damage resulted.
A slight blaze occurred last night about
10 o'clock in a building in the rear OF
the house Of Mrs. kershaw, 1901 Massa-
chusetts avenue northeast. No damage
was done.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-02-25
HEREDITY
Can BE Overcome I'm Cases.

The influence of heredity cannot OF course.
be successfully disputed. but 1t can be min
imized or entirely overcome In some cases BY
correct food and drink. A Conn. lady says:
For years while was a coffee drinkef
suffered from bilious attacks Of great severity.
from which l used to emerge white q
ghost and very weak. Our family physician gave
ME various prescriptions for improving the d.
gestion and stimulating the liver. which tried
faithfully but without perccptble result.
He was acquainted with my family history
for several generations back and once when
visited him he said: If you have inherited one
Of those torpid livers you may always suffer
more or less from Its inaction. We can't dodge
our inheritance, you know
II was not so strong a believer In heredity
as he was. however, and, beginning to think for
myself, concluded to stop drinking coffee, and
see what effect that would have. feared 1t
took Postum and had 1t well made II COM
pletey filled my need for a hot beverage and
I grew very fond OF 1t.
II have used Postum for three years, using
no medicine. During all that time I have had
absolutely none OF the bilious attacks that
used to suffer from, and l have been entirely
free from the pain and facilitating effects that
used to result from them.
1.-The change is surely very great. and I an
compelled to give Postum the exclusive credit
for it," Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Greek, Mich.
Read THE Road to wellvillc,'' In pkgs
There's q Reason"
Ever read the above letters A new
one appears from time to time. They
aFe genuine, true and full Of human
interest
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-02-25
IRE CAUSES HEAWL0SS
IN TOBACCO FACTORIES
yer $500. 900 Damage in Two
Establishments at
Richmond, Va.

RICHMOND, Va, February "a fire
liginating shortly after noon yesterday
j the drying room of +. D. Williams 4
o.'s stemmery. at .lst and Carey
treets, destroyed that building and all
= contents of machinery and stock and
smaged considerably the stock and
uiding OF the Larus & Bro. Company.
nc, and . South o1st street,
rove more tnan coo workingmen, women
nd children to the street. endangered
ne lives OF many firemen and created
ne Of the most spectacular and stubborn
lazes which the Richmond fire depart
rent has recently had. There are reports
nat some lives were lost, but the fire.
zen believe there were no deaths.
1t will be a week or ten days before an
ccurete estimate can be made, but the
,sses will aggregate between S2ooCOO
nd S2.nUO
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-02-25
RIOT DURING PLAY
Police Forced to Storm Box at
Paris Theater.
OPPOSE BERNSTEIN DRAMA
Insults Shouted at Piece, Which May
Be Taken From the Boards at
Theater Francois.

| PARIS, February o5.-Anti-Semitic DEM
onstrations which have been troubling the
! austere dignity OF the Theater Francois
| since the production there of Henri Bern
STEMS play .'Apres Moi reached eli
max last night. 4 strong body Of police
was actually obliged to take one of the
boxes by storm.
Five "Camelots du Roi'' had barricaded
themselves within it and then raised q
deafening din with automobile horns.
| forcing the suspension of the perform
ance. The grating in front of the box
had been lowered, the doors locked and
the chairs piled behind them. In the
! course Of the struggle OF the Camelots
with the police a revolver was discharged.
but fortunately it had been loaded with
blank cartridges.
After the rioters had been arrested the
play proceeded. During the second act q
| flock of pigeons was let loose above the
heads of the audience. Dazed and fright
ened. the birds luttered about a long time
before they could be captured.
Insults Jewish Race.
| At another moment, when the question
is asked in the play. What is the most
irreparable thing that can happen to
human being? a tall man arose in the
orchestra. and. looking around slowly at
the audience. in a stentorian voice launch
ed an insulting phrase directed at the
Jews.
There was great confusion while he
was being dragged from the theater.
| The great majority of the audience
indignantly resented these outrageous
Interruptions. Nevertheless the opinion
seems we'll grounded that the manage
ment will be forced to withdraw the piece
4 There is every indication that violent eff
| forts to suppress 1t will be continued un-
less this Is done. Turbulent crowds were
stationed outside the theater during the
entire evening.
Disturbance in Gallery Also.
| Following the election of the disturb
ers already mentioned, there were cries
OF Down with the Jews!' and a riot in
the gallery stirred up by the "Camelots
du roi' resulted in further ignominious
explosions.
Bernstein has written a letter to the
Matin admitting that he deserted from
the army four months before his time
was up. He asserted, however, that he
did this because Of his infatuation for a
| woman.
| In a letter to Premier BRAND Bern
stein requests that Lacour, vice presi-
dent of the "Camelots du Roi" be re-
leased from jail temporarily in order that
he (Bernstein) may fight a duel with him
Lacour sent his challenge to the author
yesterday. He is the man who assaulted
BRAND last November, and he is in prison
on that account.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-02-25

The Dickens centennial, planned by the
English-speaking world for 1912. has
been foreshadowed in Washington. and
consequently throughout the United
States. by the receipt Of a sheet of Dick
ems centennial stamps by President Taft.
The stamps received at the White House
are exactly the same as the first sheet
sent to King George in England with the
exception of so cents on the American
stamps and Il D" on the English stamps.
II the ideas of the fountain head OF the
Dickens centennial movement are car
ried out, before the end Of next year one
of these stamps will be pasted in every
volume of Dickens in existence.
With the enormous amount of money
which will be collected from the sale of
these stamps if the movement assumes
the generous proportions promised for
it, it is planned to form fund to re-
lieve the necessities of the living de-
scendants of Charles Dickens. and if suf-
ficient money is at hand after that pur-
pose is accomplished it has been sug-
mortal to Dickens would be a children s
hospital in London. This last suggestion
Is one of numerous ideas which range
from libraries to statues, but Is the one
WAlCn seems 10 nave met Will dppioN GA
as being nearest to the spirit OF Dickens.
Family Getting Nothing.
Concerning the propriety Of making a
fund for the benefit Of the living men,
bers of the Dickens family there seems
to be no question. 1t is a fact that
Charles Dickens family is receiving
nothing from the thousands of dollars
that are spent yearly for copies Of
Dickens works. The great reward goes
entirely into the hands of publishers and
booksellers.
The stamps are OF a simple Yet beau
tiful design, which will appeal instantly
to the great majority of book lovers. The
reproduction OF famous portrait Of the
great master Of fiction forms the basis
Of the stamps decorative features.
Several years ago the question of how
best to celebrate the centennial OF TINS
great writer was considered and discussed
by the foremost men and women OF the
United States and England. After re-
jecting all sorts Of propositions regarding
monuments. dinners. pageants and ordi-
nary matters of that kind. the project to
paste a stamp in every volume of Dickens
stamp. the money to form = foundation
for an annuity for the family of the
writer, seems to have met with world
wide approval that Is so strong and stirs
the underlying emOtiOnS OF the EHSI
speaking world to such an extent that
there Is scarcely q movement i'm all the
history of literature which equals it.
Every lover of Dickens is supposed to
paste the stamps in his own well loved
volumes. No matter il his library con-
tains many editions and many individual
volumes. the idea expressed by those who
started the move is that every volume
extant shall pay a royalty Of two cents
to the living members of the Dickens
family who are now, it is understood, in
need of this aid.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1911-02-25

sang the swan dirge," the medicine
man cried to the Great Spirit and the
body was lowered into the grave along
side that Of its giver.
In the coffin were placed a buckskin
bag containing Parker's favorite
feathers. trinkets and jewelry. Among
the latter was diamond brooch
valued at $3.50. the present Of cattle
men who pastured their stock on Co
manche ranges fifteen years ago.