Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1911-12-14

OF experimenting further.
I have called Uncle Abner mean
and peculiar. but that description is
/ insipid. 1t is about as adequate as
describing Satan as not being a pleas
! ant person. OF all the -blooded
men I ever met, Abner Halliday had
the most frog-like temperature. I once
/ had dream which will illustrate my
! lifelong impression of him. 1t hap
pened when I was spending a year at
a technical school learning practical
I mechanics prior to entering college
and 1t was brought about by partic-
ularly heartless and thoroughly IN
called for letter which he had written
me. I dreamed that I had seen him
dissected at a clinic and that his
veins were filled with liquid air in
stead Of warm red corpuscles. And
when it came to the region Of his
heart they found its place occupied
by a toadstool He was long, lean
miserly and rich. AS to the amount
Of his wealth, I had little knowledge
except from a boast he once made tC
me and which l was inclined to be-
lieYe at the time
I happened Incidentally to remark
that he must be a pretty wealthy man
! and he turned to me with that cum
ming leer Of his-a leer that had the
cunning Of a fox and the relentless
ness of a wolf 4 suppose you know
how far it is from here to the heart
Of the city" he grinned. I told him
that 1t was eight miles as the crow
i flies.
And about 80 rods. Now, you listen
to me, young gadabout. If l should
turn all my money into American dol
lars and put them side by side, edges
touching, remember, they'd reach from
here to the city hall"
Which is long ways" l assented
meekly. He grinned again.
And I'll tell you where else they
would reach They'd reach to the
chambers of the judges; they'd reach
to the private office of the assessor,
| and they'd reach to the heart of any
public official l wanted then to
which is the reason l desire them.
| Understand, now, young jackanapes? ''
Yes" I returned YEARLY, disguised
by his contempt for all human hon
| feeling more resentful than ever that
| l must toll day in and out as the
cashier of a soulless corporation for
| $4,000 year, and then out of it pay
my uncle pretty near first-class hotel
rates for my board and lodgings. At
| times his browbeating and insults fair
! ly sickened me of life; yet l swallowed
them with the resignation of a school
| boy who takes quinine as a condition
| to his being allowed to go fishing. Oh,
| dead mems shoes! How we will dance
until we fall for the prospect of wear.
ing them.
Now few words about the house
we lived in.
| It was a rookery. Large and ram.
! bling, it had degenerated from a hand,
| some, well-groomed suburban home to
hulking, tatterdemalion outcast
amidst responsibility. 1t was bruised
and battered. The spine of its roof
| already had a curvature; the paint
| hung from it in shreds, and ragweeds
surrounded it. Internally it was
/ nearly 1-0llow. Year by year Uncle
| Abner, clUtching his dollars, sat by
! and watched it run down as steadily
| as clock that is never reWound !;
! priceless of himself and Of all be-
| longing to him save his money And
whenever he did spend a few dollars
/ upon repairs his cheerfulness was
that of one who gives a surgeon his
fee for extracting his vermiform ap-
/ pendiX. Necessity, so grinding and
/ imperative that further neglect would
prove fatal, was the only condition
! that could loosen the Gordian knot
which bound his money bags.
1 never opened the heavy door that
| led from the group of magnificent cen
| fury old oaks, the branch ends of
which stroked the gray house like ca
ressing hands, without a feeling of
| disgust and hot shame. The lower
| floors were unfinished save for the
kitchen, the dining room and the
room for the housekeeper Barring
those portions it was as barren as a
ships empty hold. For years Mrs.
Tebbets had been the housekeeper of
i the place, doing all the household
work and never to our knowledge re-
! ceiVing company, and almost never
leaving the premises. The upstairs
! portion of the house was also bare
of furniture save for my uncle's and
my apartments. His quarters con-
sisted of a large, sparsely furnished
room running the length of the front
of the house, with an aIcove in con
nectiOn, my own sleeping room and
| den being adjacent thereto. That
| Uncle Abner continued to live amidst
! this shameful waste of handsomely
designed rooms and broad natural
! grounds, was about the only piece of
! extravaganza | ever knew him to in
dulge himself in. However, I could
| partially account for 1t in two ways.
! In the first place he had come into
| some sort of a hocus-pocus swap; had
| secured them for a song, won the re-
! sulting lawsuit and then left the
former owner to whistle for the song;
and in the second he had q real and
abiding fondness for trees and grass.
Trees and grass, however, do not re-
| quire repairs
| Now as to his associates. There
were only three people in the world
whom he did not seem to have a
| natural aversion for. These were