The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1911-06-02
TRAT GOOD OLD JOKE
ABOUT ONES ANCESTORS COMING
OVER ON THE MAYFLOWER.
Iccnociast Points Out a Few Facts
That Seem to Fave Been Over
looked, But They Are Extreme
ly Pertinent.

Whenever | see a fellow throwing
out his chest like a pouter pigeon and
Dragging because he thinks his ances'
tors came over on the Mayfiower, it
always causes me to break forth In
loud, vulgar chortle of mirth-"haw'
just like that. That May
flower joke nearly tickles me to
death. and whenever | have chapped
hands or a cold sore anywhere near
my mouth and hear that boast, SIM
ly laugh and laugh until my face
pains me.
Do you know, Mr. Maytlower
there was a time in my freckled ca
reer when | labored under the same
delusion that now seems to have pos
session of your goat? Once upon
time my grandfather, in an unguarded
moment impaired to me the priceless
information that my ancestors came
over on the Mayflower. That made
terrific hit with me and boosted me up
at one boost about Is per cent. in
my own estimation. | Immediately
got the idea as you have, that | was
made OF a little bit finer clay than
those with whom | came In daily
contact. Why, after found out that
| lad the Mayfower strain of blood IN
my veins, would hardly speak to my
neighbors. When | made new ac'
quaintances | always asked them
whether or not their ancestors came
over on the Mayfower. and if they
didn't, | never spoke to them again.
Why, just at the height OF my glory
an inquisitive chump, who believed
that was made of mud and water
just like other ordinary folks, took
the trouble to pry the lid off my an
cestry. He went about in painsta
king way to find out just where |
came from.
don't care at this time to dwell
on the details of his investigation. !
will merely admit that when he got
back two or three centuries along tho
ancestry trail he discovered, to my In
tense amazement and disgust, that
one of my forefathers had been
hanged in Germany for stealing
horse. and that another old geezer
who belonged to my family had been
tarred and feathered and ridden on
rail out of a French town for deser'
ton from the army. Not only this,
but this chap who was engaged in the
task of looking up my ancestry Went
carefully over the passenger list OF
those who sailed ON the Mayfiower'
and he found no member of my family
was on deck when the boat left the
dock.
Did you ever pause in your ancestor
four-fushing to compare the capacity
of the Mayfower with the number OF
people who boast that their ancestors
came over on board her? The May
flower, you know, was not a very big
vessel, and if as many people came
across aboard her as we must INFER
from the boasts of those we meet
every day, you can bet your sweet life
she was crowded some. All the first
class cabins were filled, they slept lay
err on layer in the steerage, and they
piled 'em six deep on deck. The rig
cling was full of hangers-on, while
countless others were hanging on by
their eyebrows from the vessels rail.
The members of the crew could hard
~ get about the boat in their duties
without stepping on a Mayflower an
cestor. and they must have cussed
something fierce. Some of those on
board were stowaways, and hid them
selves in the hold among the cargo,
while others, in their ambition to be-
come Mayflower ancestors, worked
their passage across by holystoning
the deck patching sails, bailing out
bilge water and doing other mental
services unbecoming to a Mayfower
ancestor.
The wonder is that the poor old
Mayfower was not swamped in mid
ocean. Do you know. sir, that if all
those who it is claimed came over in
the Mayflower were launched togeth-
er, they could not begin to get on
board the Observation-Disclosures New
kirk, in Boston Post.