Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1911-07-14
HOW HE WAS
EXECUTED
By OSCAR cox
Copyright by American Press Asso-
citation. 1911.
By OSCAR cox

We may dress up a man In uni
form foot a horn. a rattle. drum,
I'm his ear and be will shoot down
his fellow beings with great zest- But
try 10 make him kill even one OF them
I'm cold blood. then you will see what
a difficult matter II is.
There was once a kingdom not as
big as Monaco. and that Is small
enough in all conscience. Little Some
,hop was but 1--WE miles In circumfer-
ence. Yet IL was a perfect kingdom,
for King Shandigrab was a real royal
parsonage, five feet high. five feet
around the girth and wore a crown
that weighed pretty nearly as much
as himself. He had q cabinet. masters
of the robes and hounds and couruers
galore. There were 5000 cOmmoners,
with a number Of horses, mules. cats
and other animals. The general Of the
army Of forty men (mostly efectives)
was a terrible fellow. with fierce mus
tachios as pointed as his sword.
But the army and the general were
both for show. for the kingdom was
under the protection Of its neighbor
the emperor Of Hollibag. who had been
paying II a stated sum ever since the
principal part OF the territory had been
Topped of many centuries before for
the benefit OF the empire. Besides.
the little Sonneshons were the most
peaceful people In the world. So ten
der hearted were they that once when
a mosquito few over there from what
Is now New Jersey they refrained from
killing 1t. so that II planted all the
pools with mosquitoes.
Nevertheless there was once muir
der committed In the kingdom by a
man named Hans Gotterman. But
that was an exceptional case, for be
killed his wife. who was nagger
Perhaps for this extraordinary incite-
ment to murder he might have gone
scot free had he not been lazy and
generally worthless. So he was con
victed and sentenced TO have his head
chopped of.
But here arose a difficulty. There
was royal executioner. but. like the
general of the army. he was for show.
He wore tights. Ii mask and all that.
constantly carrying an ak on his
shoulder. But the AK was wooden and
its bearer so tender hearted that when
he had fried chicken for breakfast his
wife was Obliged to cut of Its head.
At meeting Of the cabinet the
matter OF Hans Gotterman was dis
cussed. and IL was agreed that the
royal executiuner wouldn't do for the
lob at all. So II was decided to send
a request TO the emperor OF Hollibal
for the loan of his headsman. Unfor
tunately there had been revolution
In the empire. and the royal execu
toner was so busy cutting of the
heads of rebels that he could not Ot
spared.
At another meeting of the cabinet II
was decided 10 offer hundred piece;
Of gold to whomsoever would execute
| the murderer. The offer was postea
everywhere throughout the Kingdom
and the king and his cabinet waited
| for some one to step forward. accep
| 1t and put an end to GOtterman. Blu
no one was willing TO kill a man a
the price. and as no other expedien
was suggested Gotterman still lived
One day a mosquito bit him and i'm
pregnated him with bacteria tina
| caused terrible fever. The cour
waited expectantly, thinking the mar
would die. but he disappointed then
by getting well. and since It cost con
siderable to keep him the cabinet de
cided to let him out on his promise t.
| return when an executioner could b
found to behead him. He rather OBJ
| jected to this, but his keeper stopped
his food and thus forced compliance.
| Every few days he would pretend b,
had heard that an executioner had ar
rived and go back to the jail, demand
ing food ad interim. Thus he got t,
be an insufferable bore. No one coult
be found to kill him, he wouldn't die.
| One day 1t was reported to the kin
that fifty coal miners had been burie'
in a mine These were citizens tn
state could not afford to lose. Tn
cabinet ordered a hundred men col
lected at great expense to dig the min
ers out They dug a month. when on
day, hearing a voice, they made thei
way with pick and shovel toward tn
sound. After several days hard wor
they broke into a compartment an
there found Gotterman.
He said he had gone into the min
for work. but when asked how he ha
lived so long without food pointed t
fifty empty dinner pals. He had gon
into the place where the entombed me-
had placed their dinners. None Of tn
laborers was ever got out alive. Got
terman alone survived the catastrophe
The king was much incensed whel
he heard the story of Gotterman's res
cue and renewed his efforts among tn
neighboring states for the loan Of a
executioner. but without success. The
came written offer from the murder
er to cut his own head off for the prom
ised reward. The cabinet could not az
cept it. because there was a law o
the kingdom against suicide.
One day when the cabinet was Il
council member presented an offe
from a woman who was known to b
a frightful shrew to marry Gotter
man II she were paid as a dowry TIL
hundred pieces Of gold for his execu
ton. The cabinet decided to accep
the offer. As soon as Gotterman hear
that he must marry the shrew all hi
courage left him. He had got rid o
one nagger and dreaded to be tied u
with another. A law was passed com
pelling him to marry the woman. an
she talked him to death within
l