Imperial Valley press., 1911-11-15
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1911, by Associated Lit
erary Press.

down to biZness. This ERE camp, num-
BERN $50 men, Is a-cryin' out like the
children In the wilderness fur-what?
Whisky? No: you ar two bar'ls ahead.
Meat? No; thar's plenty Of meat Pun
kin pie and feather beds? No; we
hain't no use fur luxuries. What our
hearts is achin' fur is $50 wives to
soothe our weary souls. Tremendous
applause.] No place is home without
woman. No man kin be happy with
out wife. [Whoops and yells.] Para
disc wouldn't be wuth shucks without
women. more yells.] When our work
for the day is over we hev no homes
to go to. no wives to welcome us, no.
body to smooth us down and comb our
hair and sing soothin' songs to rest
our weary limbs.
why hain't we got wives and
honest" demanded the deacon as he
raised his right arm and extended It to-
ward the east.
"Cause we hain't gone at it to git
'em. Away off thar in the east are $50
women a-cryin' out fur husbands and
homes. [Long continued applause.] !
kin almost hear 'em holler. They want
'em. and they want 'em bad"
The most intense excitement prevail
ed when the deacon stepped down. he
had been east where there we're wom-
en-. He must know that they were
pining to come. He was followed by
Judge Pearsall. who had two or three
wives back In the States. but who
feelingly declared that he wanted one
Of the drove Of 26O Then Colonel
Taylor. who had run away from his
second or third, mounted barrel and
shed tears as be drew a picture OF a
happy home at Strawberry hll-a
home made happy by the presence OF
a wife. Two or three others had some
thing to say in the same strain. and
then Deacon Turner unfolded his plan
The camp was to raise as large fund
as possible. and the deacon was to re-
turn to the States. collect the go fe-
males and conduct them by the quick
est route to Strawberry hill. We were
playing in luck just then, and the
smallest contribution was IS. l be-
lieve the deacon took away with him
in cold cash nearly $1,000. Every
mans name went down on the list
according to the amount he paid, and
the following schedule was posted on
the traders front door:
TWENTY-FIVE dollars gifts the pick Of
the lot.
Twenty dollars gifts reg'lar wild
der.
"Fifteen dollars gifts grass widder.
'"Ten dollars gifts gal.
Five dollars gifts an old maid or
whatever is left over.
mo departure from these rules IN
der any circumstances"
The schedule" seemed perfectly fair
and was accepted by all. The deacon
left US in May, and we could look for
him back in September at the latest.
1t was three months to day before
the lookout posted on the hill signaled
to us that a caravan was in sight.
Had a barrel Of powder exploded in
camp the excitement could not have
been greater. Everybody got into his
vest at once. and, according to pro-
gram. we marched&O the hill
By and by the cavalcade appeared.
Deacon Turner appeared 6rst Behind
him, seated on a mule, came female
"a woman. one lone woman. That
was all. She was ffty-five years old,
wrinkled. gray haired and almost
toothless, and she didn't look supreme
" happy.
"Whar's the other 249?" demanded
100 voices in chorus. while a score OF
men ran 10 the top Of the hill.
I'm explain later on" replied the
deacon as he continued his-way to the
camp.
He did. After he had tucked the old
woma n away in shanty he came out
to us and said:
Boys. low me to introduce my
wife,
But whar's our wivesT yelled the
crowd.
Boys. we didn't fgger Jest right"
continued the deacon. when l got
east / found that women had riz like
all git out and could git married
quicker'n lightnin'. didn't want to
cum back empty handed. and SO paid
that ar critter in thar (pointing to
the tent $1,4OO to marry me and cum
along. The balance Of the fund was
used in travelin' around. I'm sorry.
but IL women has riz no one is to
blame fur it."
We got the deacon under tree and
a rope over limb. but wiser counsels
prevailed. and his life was spared. His
"critter' died in about two weeks
after she struck camp. and as result
we forgave him and let him stake out
q new claim. He was never the same
20 us again however. He had left us
30 short, and We could never get over
&