University Missourian. [volume] (Columbia, Mo.) 1908-1916, 1911-05-09

Bore Up well under the Burden and
Ma began to think on entering Soci.
ETY.. She bought Book which told
how Things ought to be Done in the
Four Hundred and how Hoyle never
ate Peas with his Knife.
About this time the Family fell in
with a Relic of Former Grandeur, a
Scion Of Weolthy and Prominent
Family. The Scion was Down on his
Luck and was willing to take up with
anybody that would provide the
Wherewithal for him to feed his
Face. The Scion finally allowed
the Thought to penetrate his Bean
that the Family wished to enter SOci-
ETY. and have the Common People
Stare at them. So the Scion mapped
out CampOign TO the Family.
The Scion had not been quite For
gOttn by the Big Bugs so he was to
be the Entering Wedge He Coached
the Family how to Behave at a Func-
tion and then sent out Bids for In
viteS. The Fourth Sucker Bit. The
Family was invited to simple little
Dinner nothing Formal of course,
just Family Party.
The Scion was Some Pumpkins at
the Society Thing so the Family did |
not Fall for the simple dinner. They |
arrived with their Hair in a Braid |
and with three quarts of Diamonds |
distributed among their Vestments.
After the Simple Little Dinner which |
consisted of fourteen courses. was
over the Scion told the Family they had
covered themselves with glory. Not
once had they Talked about anything
they were interested in, nor had they
appeared Excited at any time. They
had Discussed Professor Schauf-
kOpfbauer's theory and the Nebular
Hypothesis and then Mentioned
Bridge. Pa had almost made a Break
when he started to show his Plebian
Origin by Opining that the Working
man had Hard Time. But the Scion
shut him up in time. Pa was now one
Of the AristOcracy and should Look
Back on his Former Days with Loath-
ing in Private and Oblivion in Pub
lie.
Anyhow the Family had Arrived.
For Week they Blew Themselves and
attended many Festivities. Sunday
hey gathered around the Festive
Board for confab. For Family
which had just entered High Society,
hey seemed quite Disgruntled.
Ma had been Snubbed by that Mrs.
iotwads who had insinuated that Ma
'ught to be a Washwoman. Besides
la never Enjoyed any of the CLASSY
Eats that had been Corraled because
he never knew what Utensil to pick
p. She could not tell from the looks
4 it whether to Amputate of to Shov-
!. She had no Time for Conversation
ecause she was too busy watching
er Neiehbors to see which ore they
'ould pick up and how they would
lttaek the COnsOmme to Whisper
candal at the Regulation Rate.
Pa frankly did not Like these Frills
nd FurbelOws and Announced that he
)r one wanted TO Look at the Show
lstead of looking Bored and at the
wells. He said that if he wanted TO
ave a Staring Fest he would Climb
Washington Monument some day and
'ump-whatever that meant.
Marguerite-that was the Monicker
aggie had been Going By-was In
gnant that she couldn't Chew gum
I'd said that any Swell that was too
uck Up to use Tutti-Frutti was too
DOd for her Company.
Willie couldn't Stand For the new
ith Tub. 1t was Porcelain instead,
Tin and the Water Cooled off too
lst. Willie declared he would not
mate three bowling Felines for all
e Rock Tubs in the Universe. Be.
les the Smart Set did not Approve
going to the Picture Shows and
e Operas We're Slow.
So when the Scion called the next
and started on the regulation Line
Fricasseed Cab, they shut him off
d intimated that they would be
ateful if he would Depart. Hhe did
i they lived Happily ever after in
tie of the Filthy Wheels Pa made.
Moral: Your own way is the best
rhOw.