davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1911-09-28
Wit and Humor
Edited by
"The Editors Best Friend.n

Doctor: "Did you apply a mustard
plaster to your spine?"
Patient: eyes"
"Didn't you find it a great help?"
"No. found that it was a great
drawback"
Sportleigh: 81 got on to a dead
soft thing at the beach yesterday"
F%lipleigh: How was that, old
boy?"
Sportleigh: "sat down on a jelly
fish,"
Mrs. Tbs: "Just think! That dia-
mond that Mrs. Jibbs wears used to
belong to a hideous idol in Japan"
Mrs. Snibs: "Well, it hasn't i'm
proved its setting much"
Pastor: "You ought to be ashamed
of yourself. Even animals know when
to stop drinking"
Topper: $50 do l when I drink what
they do"
Van Loon: "Say, Jimmie, made a
bet the other day. Do I look to be a
bigger fool than I am, or am I a big
ger fool than I look?"
Jimmie: CHOW see here, Loony, my
son; you want to have that bet de.
clared off, or else bride the referee,
because you'll lose it in either case.''
Aunt Agnes: "Well, Ethel, I hear
you're studying English history. Have
you got as far as the Crusades yet?''
Ethel: eyes"
Aunt Agnes: "Then you can tel
me what a Pilgrim was."
Ethel: ga Holy Tramp"
He: "Do you think, Miss Hattie,
with tho poet, that an honest man is
the noblest work of God?"
She: (thoughtlessly): 81 don't know
I never saw one."
Returned Traveller: "What you
might call the society girls among the
native savages wear rings in the nose
as we'll as in their ears"
Wagleigh: "That's nothing. Some
of our society girls here have ring!
round their eyes"
Miss Point Playce: "Mercy, I cam
go to the matinee at all. l have lef
my tickets at home and haven't a cen
about me. What'll we do?"
Miss Standpipe: Lets go shop
ping
cts a good thing people are no
treated nowadays as Ananias was foI
lying"
"Why?"
"Why if we were, Albert, nobody't
be left but you and I, and you'd b.
paralyzed."
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1911-09-28
SHFRBR0oKE
D. w. Vadnie, Correspondent

Oh. Olson and family we're visitors
in Enger township Sunday and at
tended the Bang church while there.
Judge and Mrs. Moote and Edna
autoed to Hope and the Rugg farm
Saturday afternoon. Mrs. D. w.
Vadnie accompanied them home.
County Supt. of Schools Newton
spent the first part of the week visiting
schools in the western part of the
county.
W, E. Elliott and r. A. Lathrop, of
Hope were transacting business in
the county seat Monday morning.
The services in the NJ. E. church
YER Q well attended Sunday afternoon.
Mrs. Thomas Newell and daughter,
Jennie, were business callers in Sher-
brooke Monday morning.
Mr.. and Mrs. Slugget, DR.. Smith
and pr. Larson, a hunting party, of
Finley, made Sherbrooke people q
short call Saturday afternoon. Miss
Clara Linn accompanied them to Fin
ley where she spent Sunday, returning
in the evening.
Clerk of Court Vadnie returned from
Grand Forks Saturday, where he at
tended a meeting held by the clerks OF
the court.
Mr.. and Mrs. Andrew Gilbertson,
of Primrose Twp, parents of Treas.
Erickson, were visitors in town Mon
day..
Attorney Murray is in Fargo this
week on business.
Threshing is about completed in
this vicinity, and. the farmers are re-
joicing oyer their success in spite OF
the continuous rains.
John Oxton made Sherbrooke, a
short call Monday morning.
F. A. Stiner was q guest at the
Stansbury farm Sunday.
Sheriff Long, of Finley, a in the
city on official business Saturday az
ternoon.
Harry Vadnie came home for . few
hours Saturday. While here he took
some views of the city.
George Murray made a business
trip to Pickert Saturday.
Mrs. J. o. Collins returned home
Sunday, after an absence of about two
weeks, having been helping with the
work on the Goodno farm through
threshing.
James Dsvlin, our all around mar
is busy hauling coal. for the Sher
brooke patrons.
DR.. Fernand, of Finley, made his
regular professional call in the metro
polls Monday morning.
Miss Olive johnson was a visitor a
the Erickson home Sunday, a guest o
Miss Anna Gilbertson.
Keep in mind the Farmers Socia
Club, which will meet at the home o
Mr.. and Mrs. c.. v. Green, Saturday
Oct. It'll. A cordial invitation is ex
tended to all to attend. and we ar
certain, 10Y will have 2 good time.
John Vadnie and Frank Ray wer
callers at the Vadnio hOma Sunday.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1911-09-28

II think that fellow is real mean,"
said Marie, throwing down the paper.
"What fellow?" =.
"Why, the one it speaks of here
who has invented a a window that
will open and shut readily by touching
a spring"
"Well, I think it is q great thing.
Why; do you object to it?"
"Simply because now I can never
have, when travelling, some fascinat-
ing drummer bending I'VE me to open
or shut the window"
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1911-09-28

Diarrhoea is more or less prevalent
during September. Be prepared for it.
Chamberlain's Collie, Cholera and
D%iarrhoea Remedy is prompt and ef-
fectual. 1t always be depended
upon and is pleasant, to take. For
Sale by all dealers.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17

rebel shack of boat in the shadow Of
the hill and twilight dank somber. for
bidding shadows cast over it and the
rebel flag,
"Forbading to traitors. the doom Of
disaster"
Several died coming up the hill. One
poor skeleton comrade that l had car
ried up. when we came in sight OF the
flag moaned out, "Comrade, lie me
down: / can die now since my eyes
have seen Gods flag once more laid
him down gently, pillowed his head as
well as / could; just then a rescuing
party from the Federal boat came to
US with stretchers, nurses and doctors
but the poor fellow. after enduring
more than years weary incarcera.
ton. died before they got him on the
vessel.
We were taken to parole camp at
Annapolis. Md | could not endure
camp life and after recuperating a
week or so. got position at College
Green barracks as record clerk for
paroled prisoners: remaining par
rolled prisoner until mustered out, on
June 26, 1865.
Joseph NJ. Thurston.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17

and they were found to be well sup
piled with sugar. 50 there was soon a
brisk reciprocity commercialism do
ing. Salt was much more valuable in
the confederacy than sugar, in fact
stood next to "greenbacks" or federal
paper currency; SO that il took three
cupfuls of sugar to purchase one cup
full of salt. Finally the sugar side be-
came very Independent and struck for
better salt deals; SO, from the salt
side of the cellar, holes were cut
through the three foot brick partition
and sugar was soon plentiful on our
side; strange to say the confederate
prison officers did not seem to take
any notice of the depredations. let on
as il ignorant of it all: of course, the
matter was kept as secret as possible
by us.
Here is leaf or two from my diary:
Second story Pemberton prison,
Oct. %, 1868. For sometime there has
been an unpleasantness between the
boys on the second floor and those on
the first floor; it is thuswise-we go
at hASht " HI ouA supply III odit
and sugar, SO as not to attract the at
tention of the Confederate officers
twonder why they take no notice of
the matter?); the prison is badly
| crowded, have to lie in rows together
like sardines when lying down at
night; SO that in getting sugar we
must disturb the lower floor fellows /;
some take it good naturedly, others
not, and hand to hand fights are fire.
quent. Evidently they are getting very
tired of being tramped over every
night; don't know what the outcome
will be, but there are signs of gen.
eral mutiny.
Friday Night, Oct. 20, 1863.
The uprising came tonight about
eight o'clock. A number had gone
down as usual with dog tents" to
get more sugar; they were permitted
to go into the cellar and get their
tents full, but when they came up the
ball opened. Sugar was soon scattered
a foot deep over the floor; as fast as
emptied they would dive down in the
cellar and fill the tents again, but as
soon as they came up the tents were
jerked of and contents scattered over
the floor; thus the row was kept up
yelling and Aghting, laughing and all
kinds of uproar, until about midnight
when the officers and guards filed in
and put stop to the fun. We had to
clean up the spilled sugar and salt
then each floor was made to stand ur
in line and was coolly told that we
were to stand until the first men who
cut holes in the floor and partitions
stepped out and confessed; the first
man who offered to sit down would be
instantly shot. All was silent as the
grave, one hour passed, two hours
three hours; we were doing our best
to hold out, then a dull thud as some
one fell In a dead faint: guards point
ed guns. but did not shoot. Another
fell heavily full length on the floor, but
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17

prison in turn to carry water for that
purpose, one tincupful Of this water
with a ration of corn bread, was our
daily allowance, twice week a tin.
cupful of buggy soup and piece OF
meat.
February 1864 Smallpox made it's ap.
pearance and found ripe harvest in
our starved, filthy bodies. MY artistic
skill served me good purpose, to
gether with little smattering OF med.
ical knowledge the years study just
previous to the outbreak of the war
had afforded: so by some very pretty
colored drawings attracted the atten.
ton of DIR. Ward who made the round
OF our prison daily. / was so FORUM
ate as to get parole of honor and al
lowed to go on duty at the smallpox
hospitals about a mile east of town
was finally given superintendency OF
them. We were closely guarded OF
course | had a Confederate as my
constant companion and we became
very fast friends. l finally grew to
loveA him as a brother and we parted
Win tSoiS w NiiSl was ScIII u lIlUUS
prison. The other Confederate Off
GERS and doctors on duty there all
treated me very kindly and we be
came very good friends.
This has already grown too LONG
and tedious / fear, SO will conclude
with the following from my dairy:
October z, 1864.
At 6 o'clock a. m. Sergeant Balsom
and l We're called for; we quickly re
sponded and were taken to the Office
of Mr.. Charles Ross, chief clerk OF
Libby Prison, where We signed a pa
role not to take arms against the
Southern Confederacy until duly ex
changed. At z a. m. about 500 of us
were marched to a little rickety steam
er in the James River about twenty
rods from Libby and started down the
river, as we declared, for. Gods coun
try; it was very tedious, backing this
way and that through the many OBJ
structions that had been placed in the
river. We finally arrived at Aiken's
landing about 4 o'clock that evening
where disembarking we marched slow
ly because SO many were helpless
from starvation and sickness, over {
high sloping ridge. The river takes 4
long sharp bend here: many gave ou'
and several died before we reached
the top. Those of us who could en-
dure it helped the others, even car
ried the dead with us. We were de
termined to not leave one on Confed
crate soil dead or alive.
l. We finally toiled up to the top Of tn,
hill and were more than repaid for al
that labor; fine large ocean steam
er burst in view and from her mas
Old Glory foated grandly. never be
held such joyfully beautiful sight
The sun was just going down gildinl
the flag with liquid gold and vermil
lion; we all shouted and cried lik'
children, finally falling to the groun'
exhausted; glancing back to the littl
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17

was not fired on; finally the falls be-
came thick. Then, one after another,
some six or eight men stepped out and
said they did it. instantly every body
fell to the floor. The men were hust-
led out of prison and we supposed
would be shot. We have had nothing
to eat yet and it is now nearly ten
O'Clock a. m
October 27.
Today some one in some way got
hold of ''The Richmond Examiner" a
small daily paper printed on what
looks like wall paper In it an arti-
Gle entitled TOO Good To Keep" II
was description of the sugar raid,
saying THE Yanks in Pemberton pris.
on got very sweet the other night;
they broke into the cellar and des-
troyed five thousand, nine hundred
pounds OF sugar which the rascally
spectators had there, awaiting fabu-
lous war prices: the Confederate
government had offered them three
dollars a pound in Confederate scrip,
but they wanted gold for their stuff.
Served them right" The boys that
confessed, returned today; said they
hung them up by their thumbs in
Castle Thunder, a prison where they
put spies, ETC., to be shot; then they
laughed. Fact is. they told the boys
that If they would tell that, they would
not punish them. Said, 1--WE had to sat.
isfy the spectators, so just let on,
boys, like we punished you all" In fact
could have used it all and never have
been interrupted if we had done SO
quietly and not riotously, as we did.
The Federal prisoners, except com
missioned officers. were all removed
from Richmond to Danville, Va, a
small town of perhaps three or four
thousand in it's palmy days, now only
negroes, white women and children,
with the Confederate forces sent as
guards. The chief industry of Dan
vile was tobacco manufacturing
There were four large brick buildings,
two stories with cellar under the
whole building, rough upholstered
walls. no fire, and very few dog
tents still remained, for everything
at all tradable was traded with the
guards for bread. The fortunate pos.
SCISSOR of a brick, taken from the
walls had downy pillow compared
with lying fat on the hard floor. We
would have certainly frozen, especial
ly that horribly cold night of New
Years 1864, had 1t not been for being
SO closely crowded that all could not
lie down at one time. The windows
old fashioned small panes, were close
ly barred. Talk about sanitary con
ditions, SO many cubic feet of pure
air per capita, etc. etc.
1t is simply beyond human compre
hension, the wonderful provision of ar
Allwise Creator revealed in the organ
ic vital resistance of the living body
under most inimical conditions.
We had the same rations as at Rich
mond. Squads were taken from each
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17

This is the time of the year to place
the system on a new basis--to cleanse
the blood--clear the brain and gather
renewed energy. Nyafs Spring Sar-
saparilla will do it. Quigley DruR
Stores.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17

Hadley. Mass, has lost Its far-famed
elm, by tradition the oldest in New
England. says the Hartford Courant.
1t was twenty-nine feet in circumfer-
ence and had single branches which
shaded the ground for a distance OF
two hundred feet. II sad attained its
growth at the time of the Indian mas
sacre in Hadley, more than two cent
uries ago. and may have been S5n
years old Having been struck by light,
ming, il was dangerous to let 1t stand.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17
A v,oeahla Date.

"What member OF the class can men
tion one memorable date in Roman
historye' the teacher asked.
.sAntony's with Cleopatra. ventureo
one Of the eboys.-Everybody's-
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17

Words are like leaves. and where
they most abound much fruit OF sense
beneath is rarely found.-pOpe.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17

Our affections are our life. We hve
by these. They supply our warmth
Charming.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17
Women's let's,

Women's Let's.
Miss Bikley you have given N
advocating woman's rights.
Miss Passee-Yes: I now 20 10 for
women's lefts-
''Women's lefts. What's that?.
s'widowers.''
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1911-05-17


we9ry march. countermarch. maneuv.
ering for position and battle.
Become . eusler.
After returning to the front. was
made regimental bugler: when We
were rushed double quick into the
6ray ] ran alongside the Colonel's
cove with bugle In hand. blowing
Forward" ~ loud as possible. This
Was . very foolish thing for me to do.
hut worse. in the terrible roar and ex.
c1toment Of battle took gun and car
fridge box from q badly wounded
eomrade. and resumed my place in the
company and got busy with the rest.
! had to do II or get shot in the back.
Sunday. late In the afternoon Of the
eecond days hard fought battle Of
Chickamauga. September 20. 1862. the
Goth Ohio was on the left center. Gen.
Cruft's brigade. Gen. Palmcr's division
and when the fatal mistake was made
In moving reinforcements the right
0ank of our regiment was exposed.
and quickly flanked by grand rush
q the mad enemy: Of course. We then
knew nothing of how Il happened. but
were soon surrounded and command
"a sternly to surrender. We ran this
way and that, trying to escape but
were met at every hand with bayonets,
shot and shell. At last. We had to
surrender and were hustled back to
- Confederate rear. We fell into the
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1911-09-27
Rheumatism

All pains and diseases regardless
OF name, arising from weak nerves.
and impure blood. are easily cured by
using Oil of Eden $500 sample for
Is cents) externally and Sweet Spirits
of Eden $500 sample 81 OO) intern
ally.
All orders are delivered with
charges prepaid on receipt OF price
by C. c. Medical Company. 554 N.
Worth Their Weight in Gold
Lake St, Lock Box 90, Reno, New.
if your druggist does not keep them.
This is to certify that my rest has
been very unsettled since ! came to
Nevada have had to walk the
floor at night with cramps i'll my
limbs and ha not been able to sit
in rocking c; air or sit long upright.
This was duo to a fall | had year
ago and my vile was also much dis
dressed with her Kidneys and whole
nervous system. saw the advertise
ment of Oil of Eden and Sweet Spir
its of Eden and made up my mind to
try it and after using part of a large
bottle Of each we both considered
ourselves entirely well We sleep
sound and feel contented. (Signed)
G. NJ Press. Supt OF the Davenport
Independent Mining Company Nina.
Nevada
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1911-09-27
statesmen

Travelling Statesmen making small
towns are making from S. to $40 per
day carrying our pocket side line.
For particulars address, Manager,
516-1l8 N. LaSalle ST., Chicago
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1911-09-27

WOMEN. sell guaranteed hose. ~
per cent. profit. Make $40 daily. Full
or part time. Beginners investigate.
Strong Knit, Rox 1929, West Phila
delphia, Pa. AS 8w
Appeal and Daily Bulletin 81 . month
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1911-09-27
ID OF Liquid
An .otics Peroxide
many people are now. using
Paxtine Toilet Antiseptic

The new toilet germicide powder to be
dissolved in water as needed.
For all toilet and hygienic uses it is
better and more ecOnlmical
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1911-09-27

To cleanse and whiten the q
:: ! !: !. {:
teeth, remove tartar and fe7--Z-7-----isz
prevent decay. FN77N1a
70 disinfect the mouth, de- ks.s:sss:;;.: q
stroy disease germs, and 4 ~ MA
purify the breath. Ey Ma
To keep artificial teeth and
bridgeworl clean, odorless
To remove nicotine from the teeth and
purify the breath after smoking.
To eradicate perapiration and body
odors by sponge bathing
The best ;lntiseptic wa h known.
Relieves and strengthens tired, weak
infiamedeyes. Heals sorethroat, wound
and cuts. % and so cts. Il box, drnggisi
or by mail postpaid. Sampie Free
THE PAXTON TOILET CO., sosro~ nj
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-05
BIC SIX" PITCHES WONDER FULLY AND FUCKER DOES AS WELL, BUT ERRORS BEHIND THE DODGER COST HIM THE GAME
STANDING

Brooklyn, October 4.-New York clinched the National league pennant by defeating Brooklyn today to O.. Should Chicago win all its remaining games and the New orSs lose theirs the New Works cannot be overhauled The game was a pitchers battle be- tween Mathewson and Fucker, the lat ter having been recalled from his we'd ding. trip to pitch. He was to have been married October 12 but the ceremony was advanced to Sunday last. Fucker pitched as well as Mathewson, but two errors following a hit by Doyle in the fourth were responsible for one tally. Fucker retired in the eighth to let Daley bat for him and the New Yorks scored their second run off Knetzersin the ninth on Devore's single, a steal, a wild pitch and an infield tap by Snodgrass.
 The game was further signalized by a triple play in the ninth when, with Doyle on second and Snodgrass on first Murray popped a fly to Stark. The hit and run play was under way and the runners were going at full tilt Stark tossed the ball to the nearest man, doubling, up Snodgrass and the triple play was consummated when Daubert, the nearest man, threw to Tooley, oa tchipcr Doyle. Score.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-05
VANDERBILT FOOTBALL NEWSR

It may be that Coach McGugin will switch K. Morrison back to half from end where he has been trying him so far and allow Collins to tackle the end job, provided the latter fails to deliver at half
 With the showing made by the line Sat ur6ay when no first down was made through it, it would seem that with the forwards and backs both dependable, gcol kicker is all that is needed to round out an effective scoring combination. Cap tain Ray Morrison .will in all probability dc the booting this year, and while he is no shark at the game he is receiving special instruction and is progressing rap idly in the work. The team should be nuch faster next Saturday when Mary vile college is encountered and if the field is dry there is liable to be plenty of end running and a good sized score "A good deal of new material has appeared on the field of late and a large crop of fairly good scrub material is being made available for secondary use.
 WERNER M. JONES.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-10-05
RACE FOR BATTING
 HONORS IS BRISK

In their race for American league bat ting honors Cobb and Jackson reI.iain stationary, though Cleveland and Detroit played a double header yesterday and each had plenty of chances to 'fatten" his average. In the two games Cobb was at bat seven times and got two hits, one a triple, In the first game. This makes his record 592 times at bat with PAT hits, an average of AT. He stole one base.
 Jackson was up only five times in the two games, and got two hits, neither for extra bases. He has been to bat a67 times this season and has 229 hits to his credit, giving him an average of .404 It would seem from the ratio of the number of times at bat to the number of hits each player received yesterday their av- erages might have been changed. but fractions in the figuring explain this.
 Lajoie, who at times during the season seemed a contender, has dropped down and at best he will finish bad third