The Colville examiner. [volume] (Colville, Wash.) 1907-1948, 1911-04-08
DOC PERKINS REMEDY.
Customer Tried II on Himself Befc

Customer Tried It on Himself Before
the Dog Had a Chance.
CTPPOSE nothin would have hap
- pened If it hadn't been for Bud
Willis droppin' the chemicals
(speakin' about old Doc Perkins
champion remed. for man and beast,
bar none). Mebbe you never heard of
it. Fact is, hardly anybody ever did
not that it wasn't success; but, you
see, only one lot was put on sale, and
that didn't last more'n two days.
Well, son, In the first place, some
factry sent Doc lot of bottles of
chemicals mixed for his drug store,
and Bud The was learnin' to be drug
gist then-he went into the express
business afterward) dropped the box
into big tub setting beside the coun-
ter and smashed all the bottles galley
west.
Don't suppose nothin' would have
happened If Doc hadn't got sore and
said to Bud, you quit tonight; you're
Hredv' And Of course Bud thought,
SEEM he was fired, that he might as
well have some fun first. And just
then Ole Larsen. the Swede, hoped
In.
"Ay got sick dawg on house," Ole
says. "Ay tank ay skol get some
medicine"
zone minute, Mr.. Larsen" says
Bud. We've got a shipment Of medi-
cine that's just come In, and it'll
cure any dog Of anything from hydro
phoby to hydrotherapy."
And Bud, hustlin out into the back
room, scoOped up dipperful Of them
mixed chemicals from the tub Che
didn't know what they was any
more'n a rabbit and poured the stuff
into bottle.
"Here you are, Mr.. Larsen,' Bud
says. "Give your dog a teaspoonful
in glass of water every hour and
see that he drinks 1t all"
So Ole started off down the road as
satisfied as If he'd had a reg'lar doc
tors prescription instead Of that hog
wash out of the tub
Don't suppose nothin' would have
happened If it hadn't been day cold
enough to freeze your eyewnkers off.
Ole wasn't dressed very warm, and
long about the time he got In front of
Lawyer Higginsons he felt like he was
froze. So, without thinkin' at all, he
opened the bottle and took nip and
says after he smacks his lips, "Ay tank
Ay amt ban waste dat on no dawg'
And then-bingo.-he drunk up every
drop in the bottle.
Don't suppose nothin' would have
happened If just then A. Sleaver WOb-
bins from New York hadn't skipped
out of Lawyer IigginsOn's house,
where he'd sold Mrs. Higginson set
Of Edgar Allan Poe de looks for $3.50
OF course for minute or two the
medicine didn't take no effect, but by
the time the book agent reached the
front gate Ole was leapin' up and
down and cuttin' circles and sprlngin'
around like rabbit. A. Sleaver came
out Of the front gate, and Ole made
long jump for him and kissed him on
both cheeks and knocked him over and
began to bump his head on the ground,
all the time yellin': "HoOraw Svenski.
Hooraw Norskir' And then Lawyer
Higginson, whose wife had just told
him what she'd done, rushed out of
the house and grabbed the contract for
$3.50 out Of Wobbins' pocket and tore
1t up and telephoned for the police,
and afterwards he give Ole job as
janitor in the courthouse.
Natchely when old Doc Perkins
heard what them chemicals had done
for Ole he wanted to do the same for
the rest Of sufferin' humanity, and he
bottled all the rest that was left IN the
tub.
1t was the same thing that Bud had
give to Ole, but 1t didn't stay on the
market for all that. No. About the
second day 1t was on the shelves 1t ct
It's way through the glass bottles and
wasted out on the foor.-Horatio Wins
lp