Bridgeton pioneer., 1911-10-05
BUSINESS is
BUSINESS
By M. QUAD
Copyright. 1911, by Associated Lit
erary Press.

D't-'CH. " uo udu JuSL SFduudleu dS u
dentist. opened parlors there. 1t could
he figured as straight as a string that
leo men. women and children had
teeth enough 10 keep three dentists on
the hump
Ii was only natural that Mr.. Bailey
should observe the teeth of the people
he had come among. He met per-
haps dozen in the 1000 whose teeth
were in good order. There was no
doubt that tie graduate had come to
the right spot and struck a soft thing.
~ week went by and Mr. Bailey
hadn't had customer Then a second
week passed. Then he went about to
inquire what was the matter. He ran
up against a grocer, who told him.
why, l supposed you knew all
about it." said the grocer. Some six
years ago dentist set up here, and in
pulling a tooth for old Mrs. Joyce
he pulled her neck out about two feet
long, and she died next day. Too
much neck, you see. The dentist had
to fly for his life. Since that date none
Of US dare patronize a dentist"
At the end of the third week Mr..
Bailey offered to fix the teeth of min
lister for nothing. The minister said
he was much obliged, but he hadn't
yet fulfilled his mission on earth.
Did Mr.. Bailey set his office afire
and then go out and hang himself?
Not at all. He knew just what to do
In such case, and he did it. He went
up to Chicago and walked out a bit
until ne found Professor Donaldson
The professor was the champion pain
less tooth puller of America. By day
he was in his office; when evening
came he dressed up as a harlequin
and drove about the streets and pulled
teeth without charge. Mr.. Bailey and
the professor had a long and chummy
talk together, and an agreement was
reached. Three days after the talk
the dentist was back at Exter. A day
later the professor followed. He had
wagon and music. He had flags and
banners and prancing horses. He had
the whole town on the street, and he
delivered lecture on bad teeth.
Bad teeth were responsible for head
aches, fatulency. dimness of vision.
loss of memory. biliousness, liver com
plant and a score of other things Bad
teeth filled graveyards. Bad teeth pre-
vented happy marriages. Bad teeth
caused half the crimes committed Bad
teeth caused 10000 divorces per year
1t was because of the bad teeth of
the soldiers that Germany conquered
France. 1t was only lecture on bad
teeth and the results this evening. 10.
morrow evening the professor would
show the good people of Exter what
a true phlanthropist he was. There
would be something doing. and it
shouldn't cost any citizen a cent.
When the next evening came the
professor made few general remarks
and then offered to pull teeth free Of
charge. 1t would be painless. If any
one felt the slightest twinge of pain
that person was to be presented with a
five dollar gold piece. Aye, the pro-
fessor would do better than that. He
would furnish sets of false teeth at
the low price of 50 a set. Single teeth
would be only 20 cents each. No more
headaches in EXter and the death rate
reduced so per cent.
Three evenings it took the professor
to reach the last tooth. No hurt, and
nobody out q cent There were a few
people who sympathized with Mr.
Bailey and called to tell him So but
he had folded his tent and gone off
fishing. and it was a long fortnight be-
fore he returned. What of the people
who had got something for nothing {
They had had from one to six teeth
extracted Many of them were ION
their gums alone. Scores were lisp
ing as they talked. Other scores ut
tered a hiss as they started out to talk.
For three weeks they went about pat
ting each other on the back and call
ing Professor Donaldson the friend Of
humanity. Then it suddenly occurred
to some one to ask when he was going
to return and make good. He had
been indefinite about the date. They
rushed to the Office of Dentist Bailey.
but he could tell them nothing beyond
the fact that he had the best kind of
luck fishing. Letters were written to
the professor, but they remained un-
answered. A committee was sent to
Chicago. 100 miles away, but it failed
to find its man.
Then you must see what happened.
Dentist Bailey was ready for the rush
that came. He had secured an assist
ant in anticipation. His stairs grOaned
under the weight of callers. They
wanted to be fitted from two front
teeth to all their mouths would hold.
There was work for year ahead, and
there was money in the work. 1t was
weeks and weeks before one man in
Exter would take another mans word,
but had to have everything in writing.
When a man Kisses and lisps and
mumbles as he talks how are you go
ing to know what he is driving att
There was some attempt to connect
Mr.. Bailey with Professor Donaldson.
but it fell fat. You can't figure Out
things with your empty mouth. It was