davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

Sometimes" confided the Wise Wife,
toying with a magazine, 81 feel that l
must dash over and give the woman in
the flat across the hall the Chatauqua
treatment"
And what is Chatauaua treatment"
asked the listening friend.
"The Chatauqua treatment, my dear, Is
a course of helpful and interesting lectures
on timely topics Only in this case l
should build all my lectures on the simple
subject of The Dangers of Being Too Nice.
For instance, her husband came home
lust a few moments before you dropped
in AS he opened the door heard a shrill
voice call Don't hang your wet coat on
the rack, Henry, where 1t will drip on the
hau carpet Take It into the kitchen, and
wipe off your shoes, so they won't mar
the floors Wasn't that a nice, cheerful
greeting for a man who has been on the
treadmill OF trade all day and who looked
forward to closing the door on the world
TO find himself in q place he could really
call ms own7
THE wife across the way has the Idea
that a real home must be temple OF neat
ness. Now, every woman knows how
man revels in his Sunday morning papers,
how he loves to pull them apart and let
them billow about him in waves of news
and comic sections. The more he can scat
ter them the happier he is. 1t is one Of
the masculine peculiarities we accept with
out trying to fathom.
II have happened in across the hall sew
eraI Sunday mornings when Henry Is In
the midst OF his literary feast Poor Henry!
Hardly does he unfurl a sheet until it is
snatched from the floor. neatly folded and
placed In the rack. He is sure to want that
particular sheet about three seconds later
but he wouldn't dare pull Il out after 1t
had been properly put away. And you
ought to see the books on the library
tablet They look as II they had been cut
out OF paper and pasted on.
'But the really momentous question In
the household is-What shall we do with
the cigar ashes2 You know, the ash tray
In that house is OF more vital Importance
than the health OF its members. the new
spring suit or the high cost OF living. /
venture to say that the ash tray has been
the source OF more harsh words, bitter
recriminations and heated family quarrels
than any other half-dozen things or per-
sons in existence. You see, It is given
place on the library table only under pro-
test, and is supposed to efface itself as
effectually as II It never were there. After
Henry surreptitiously uses It for the used
portions of his Havanas he is supposed to
bear It carefully TO the kitchen and there
remove all traces OF its real purpose. Some
times. after a hard day at the office, he
forgets. Poor Henry, it's sad day for
him when he forgets to remember that
rule. And II he should drop his ashes he
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
Words that Win Brides

A Russian journal gives the following
collection Of marriage proposals typical of
different nationalities;
A Observation-Disclosures. my little dove, soul
OF my heart. love you with my whole
heart, with my whole being-I love you
madly. love YOU unto death, and should
troubles befali us. my love win conquer
everything. Be mine, oh. Natasha!
. A Frenchman--You are divine, ideal To-
I day 1 will press my suit before your par
snts. and you, my fairy you will become
my wife.
An Englishman--I am about to start on a
long voyage and / shall be very lonely. I
wonder II you would care to marry me
and let us make this journey together.
A German-Fraulein. you are a notable
woman. You have read and understood
my book. j, / cannot tell you how much l
admire ana esteem YOU May l dare offer
yeu my handR '-A eat
An Italinn-cRra mia, you are fairer than
the blushipE dawn. Your voice is more
mslodious than the soft west wind Oh.
let me kiss those dark locks OF yours. and
let those heavenly eyes not spurn me. for
Otherwise Ismust die. Live without you I
cannot. $50 81. s9t't
A Montehegfn--You are a handsome and
q good GIRL II, you viii marry me / will
cut off two Turks heads and lay them at
your feet.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
n nnARRr5ox

votes against his seventy-three. -Four
years later at the National WING conven-
ton he was nominated with John Tyler
OF Virginia, as vice president. Martin Van
Buren, was renominated
The succeeding election was one OF the
most exciting and picturesque In the his
tory of the country. 1t is remembered as
The Log Cabin and Hard Cider Cam
paign," because of the fact that part of
General Harrison's home was the log cabin
built by an early settler in Ohio. and that
Harrlson's table, instead of being COW
cred with exciting wines, was we'll supplied
with the best cider"
Harrison won the day. His new cabinet
was chosen with commendable judgment
and a successful administration was an
tcipated. On April 4. 1871. just one month
after his inauguration, however, the presi-
dent died victim OF pneumonia.
AS he lay on his deathbed the dying
president, imagining that he was address
ing his successor, exclaimed. sir, l wish
you to understand the principles OF the
government. l desire them carried out
nothing morev
Copyright. 1911. by the N. Y. Herald Coz
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
How to Treat a Husba nd

would never hear the end of that crime.
He is always being reminded that his
chair is getting too close to the piano or
is In danger of scraping against the ma
hogany cabinet. Invariably this comes in
the midst OF conversation, when the point
Of the story is being told. The drawers OF
his chiffonier are orderly he can't find
collar button and his laundry is put
away so carefully that he has TO issue
search warrant to find clean shirt
1--WE noticed the Wise Wife continued
after a pause that there is less and less
use for the ash tray, and that on rainy
evenings the umbrella seldom drips on the
hall carpet because Henry is detained down
town The men at his club see him lot
more than they once did.
Carpets and mahogany furniture can
be purchased In any department store. For
a $3.50 a day a maid can be secured to pick
up scores of scattered papers. Love is not
on the market at any price. What l want
to ask the woman across the hall is,
whether she prefers the ashes Of cigars or
the ashes OF love as a household decora-
tion?'
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

you would not have known so easily how
to say that the third girl failed to meet
with your approval, nor would you have
so Immediately guessed the censure under
the contradictory words.
II girls keep on maltreating the language
the way they do there will have to be an
especial profession created an interpreter
of English as "she is spoke" by girls.
II would quite as soon be called a fool
as to have some one say 1 am sweet" you
announce positively.
What is wrong with that pleasant word
sweet?' Not a thing in the world. The
wrong is with you. You have used It to de-
scribe person who is negative in character
or so lacking in charming that you can
think of no word that really fits her SO
you caU her sweet" You certainly damn
the girl with faint praise. but why spoil
the language?
Don't you think We are getting a bit
mixed as well as mixing our words. It is
not supposed to be polite or kind to tell
the truth. That is actually what this mis-
use of words reveals. We lie, forcing a
good pleasant word to act as our instru-
ment. And at last that good pleasant
word is spoiled because it has been mis-
used so much. Sweet" has become a term
Of disparagemeht,
Girls are so merciless in making each
other lie. They ask direct questions and
expect agreeable answers. It isn't fair
TO say to a guest, HAS she perfect
voice?' after she has listened TO a singer
whom you have secured TO entertain. You
would think her rude. Why you would be
madden than a whole poultry yard full of
wet hens II she did not think the voice was
perfect So she lies and says 1t is. It's your
fault. It's your wilful misuse OF words that
causes your sister to offend in one way
while she pleases you In another.
You know as well as | that men have a
chronic complaint against us because we
are deceitful.' honestly believe that they
get the impression largely from our mis-
use OF words. We think It does not count.
But just try the experiment yourself OF
following a girl through a crowded draw
ing room. Listen TO the untruths she utters
man who is trailing some pretty girl
gets this chance often enough. No wonder
he begins to doubt her ability to tell the
truth. And you cannot afford to have THE
man doubt you. Just on his account Il
would be worth While to take kind OF
Kelley cure for inebrlety in the use of
language.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
Boston Tea
Party.

the wealthy water is barred till after cleo
ton.
Pretty soon a trusty lieutenant touches
the president on the elbow,
81 regret to report, says he. that a
large fat bottle Of wine has been smuggled
aboard and is about to be brosched in the
waist
"'Heave It into the ocesnr says the
president.
"A couple of seconds later terrible cry
rang through the ship:
"Magnum overboardr
Then there was q string of splashes
that lasted for ten minutes. and at the
end of that time nobody was left on the
boat by the John L. association.
Where's the Ancients?" demanded the
president. looking around the empty barges.
Out there in the bay says the lieu
tenant 'havin life-savin' drillv
That was the real Boston Party"
Copyright. 1911. by the N Y Herald Coz
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
q The Gees f0me Magazine page
Serious History in Comic Vein

We'll, we'll, we'll" exclaimed show-Me
Smith. coming out Of trance Il see Bos-
tons all bet UP again. She always was a
giddy young town"
what is ivexlng Beantown now, Show
Me-" was asked.
"oh, she only wants TO regulate aeroplane
traffic. Mako EN- take the right hand side
going up. observe the speed laws in case
Of falls and all that kind OF thing and
when The Hub starts to regulatin the rest
Of the wheel has got TO stop goin' round,
too. Always polite about IT, though. Just
like an afternoon reception. She always
could pour tea nicelylSyou. know-right IN
the cup every -time-except when she
dumped Il into the ocean.
And that reminds me to tell you the
inside history of what Boston IL always
brasging about Besides her beans-that Tea
Party.
''fn the first place II wasn't tea party
at ell. 1t was chowder given by the
John l.. sullivan Hyaeinth association Of
the First ward to the Ancient and Honor
able Artillery Of the Back Bay Assembly
district. The Ancient and Honorables had
Just polished off the Old Guard in ten
round banquet and sent 'em home in crates,
and 70 celebrate the victory the John l..
association gives EN- q chowder. Marquis
o. oueensbury rules, and no hitting in
ciinches.
e The Refreshments on this chowder,
says the president OF the John L. sssocia-
ton. after the beat left the dock. will be
beer and baked beans, the chief products, O.
the First ward SOS 70 make It real sociabie
and homelIke.'
AT this there were growfs Of discomfort
from the Aneienta, who demanded to know
why there want champagne. as they never
heard Of q chowder without champagne
Because said the John LIS president
we're all members Of this club now and
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
Notices from Shakespeare

ror the wRsherwoman; "out, damned
spot out I sRyl"-Maebeth, V, l.
The BootbIack: "Ah, there's the rub
Hamlet, iii l.
The Convict; Il have done the state
some service. "-Othello, Y. q
The Landlord; "see what a rent."--Julius
Caesar, lii,s2
Messenger Boy: Shall l not take mine
ease g"-Henrg W. 40. 3
The AuotionseTi Il only speak right on"
Julius Caesar. 49,, 2
Base Bail Man; no not saw the air too
much. Hamlet III, 2,
Diver; II would fain die dry DEATH
Tempest. ". 2,
The Cook "Sucn stuff as dreams are
made on"-rempest. ~. l.
Customs Collector: Pass by and curse
thy fill "A-Timon OF Athens, V, s.
Hair Dresser. Framed TO make women
false. "-Othello. l. g.
The Gambler II have set my life upon
cast r-Richard ~, VA
The Barber; Make each particular hair
10 stand on end. Hamlet. T. s.
The FishermsRl n could a tale unfold 4"
Hamlet, l. S.
The Architect; Advise him for a better
place. "--MeasuTs for Measure. iv. 2-I.ife.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
Some sinnH of sprInn.

They are Pointing I'm the office; out at
home they're painting too.
I've been hoping, hoping, hoping they
might presently be through.
For a week I have been sickened by the
smell Of turpentine.
] wonder " there ever was sadder case
than mine.
They have ladders set around me where
labor through the day,
And / find things topsy-turvy when
homeWard wend my way
There's a certain meatless eat shop where
I get my midday fare.
And. by George, today ! found them all
ripped up and painting there.
New York Telegram.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

No, you do not swear. At least have
not heard you. though I know some girls
who do. You just knock the meanings out
of good, respectable, useful words, as if
you were taking exercise on a linguistic
punching bag.
You asked another girl how she liked
third whom both of you had met She
replied, why. l thought she was real
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

good-hearted and well-meaning," You in
stantly remarked, 81 didn't like her,
either!'' -
Could anything be more amazing than
your calm assumption that your friend did
not like a girl whom she described as good
hearted and well-meaning? I. II you were
not two girls, thoroughly versed in the
misuse of words common to your kind,
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
The nririnnI EnIle nnctnr.

Coeval, with the development Of chem
cal quack, Paracelsus, a Swiss alchemist,
who boasted Of making man immortal yet
he himself died at the early age of IS. in
154l. He had a nostrum called Azoth,
which he Wanted as the elixir OF life.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

Jack, dear" queried the fair maid at
the ball park, why does that man behind
the hitter wear such big bib?"
That" explained Jack. " is 10 keep his
shirt front from getting mussed up when
the ball knocks mis- teeth out"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
THE BEES SUNloR BIRTHDAY BOOK
This is the Day We Celebrate
GE:T V
May Q, 1911.
TUESDAY,
Name and Address.

school Year.
Michael
Willie
Elton Baker 4132 lizard Saunders
Esther Bumenth
Walter Barrk North
Froch, lilo South Sixth Pacific
1895
.Kelom 1904
M Tenth st. Lincoln 1900
X Maulan, Nineteenth St. st Patrick 1900
Twenty-thtd Kelom
Seventeenth 1898
Frank
Pacific 1904
Leavenworth High 1SS4
Lutheran 1908
1900
1899
1899
zornsky Leavenworth 1904
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

The United states production OF mica
for the last yeaT was valued at little
more than t2AOo0 Nearly all OF this used
IN the 'eleStricals industry, a. mica Is one Of
the best INSULATING materials known.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

1t is not good for any man to give a pair
OF scissors to his sweetheart, for fear of
cutting away their love.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

\ During storms It was the custom In
Malta and Sicily for church bells TO be
rung for an hour that the winds might
cease and the sea be oalmed.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

II you wash your face and hands in the
water another has washed in you will
come to blows
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
She Knew.

"A man ought TO come home in the even
ing smiling and with a good appetite"
Yes" replied young Mrs. Torkins; he
ought to. But the home team cannot
win all the time. "-Washington star
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

Vivian-Do you really feel comfortable In
that hobble skirt?
Vlolet-Oh, can't kick.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02

Ancient Japanese believed that the world
was produced from cocks egg,
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1911-05-02
OId snnerntitinns.

superstitious belief in mermaids dates
from the earliest periods.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1911-06-09
WHEAT CROP
IS A BUMPER
Department Estimates There is
Increase of 50, 900, 900 Bushels
Over Last Year

Washington, June sPromise that
this years wheat crop will be the
greatest ever produced is given in the
June crop report just issued by the
Department of Agriculture.
Estimates by the departments ex-
perts indicate that approximately 1884,
291, S57 bushels of wheat will be har-
vested in this country this summer
and autumn, an increase of about
6S,S ,857 bushels over that garnered
last year. OF winter wheat the in
dicated yield is almost 100000, 600
bushels and spring wheat 2S4,700,00O
bushels
Prof. \. c. Murray, acting chairman
of the crop reporting board, comments
ing upon the report, said:
The acreage of spring wheat shows
a total larger than any previous rec
ord and nearly 9 per cent. greater
than last year. On June l, the crop
was above the average in promise, the
condition and acreage combined being
such as to give hope for a yield of
nearly % per cent. more than last
year, and nearly II per cent. more
than the average for the last five
years.
May was unfaVOrable for winter
wheat, but nevertheless with the in
creased acreage there probably will
be between three and four per cent.
more winter wheat produced than last
year, and between six and seven per
cent more than for the average of
the last five years. Combining both
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1911-06-09
Bishop Walsh Of
Biddeford Defied
French Canadian Catholics Meet
Despite Prelate's Penalty I'm
posed on Leaders

Biddeford, Me-, June 9-Although
Bishop Walsh of Portland interdicted
six prominent French Canadians who
compose the permanent committee Of
the national cause" several weeks
ago, the convention of the French
Canadians of Maine, which had been
called by them before they were in
terdicted was opened here yesterday.
Hundreds of prominent French
Canadians from all parts ,of New
England and Canada are attending
the convention. The feelings of the
French Canadians have been stirred
by recent developments in Maine, and
it is predicted that the convention
will do something sensational before
it adjourns.
Bishop Walsh last Monday issued
another pastoral letter forbidding any
French Canadian society as such,
from entering Catholic church.
Members of French Canadian socie-
ties will no longer be permitted to
enter churches with their flags or
wearing the badges of their organiza-
tions. This latest pastoral of the
Bishop caused the permanent COM
mittee to change all the arrangements
for the celebration of st. Johns Day,
June "a Instead of holding a reli-
gious gathering the day will be OBJ
served this year with a picnic and
mass meeting in the open air.
Bishop Walsh's warning to Catho-
lie societies that any one cooperating
with the six interdicted men would be
deprived of his rights and privileges
as a Catholic" and that Catholic So
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1911-06-09
AMERICAN PROMPTNESS.

London, June 9.-Englishmen are
never tired of wondering why foreign
ers are able to compete with them
successfully in their own nome
markets A Briton who signs him
self 'Ironmonger," which is English
for hardware dealer, undertook to ex-
plain it TO them in a letter to the
London Morning Leader. The result
was that he is about the wOrst-hated
man in the country. Not only the
Leader, but all the rest of the Eng
lish newspapers, have been publish
ing columns of letters ever since,
telling what poor opinions the writ
ers have of an Englishman who talks
.-,.: g. fellow Englishmen in the
way "Ironmonger' does.
What he wrote was this: ION
March 81, I ordered about f5 worth
that is to say S25-"of handsaws
from we'll known firm in Sheffield
and ten days later some iron plates
from New Britain, Conn. In each in
stance the goods were regular cata-
Iogue lines. l received the goods
from America May but up to the
present have not received the goods
ordered from Sheffield. Yet 1 wrote
to Sheffield April IL asking for i'm
m Mediate delivery and was promised
the goods within a week.
Can anyone blame the ironmong-
ers in this country for crowding their
shops with American goods when the
Yankees can give Sheffield ten days
and 5000 miles start in the race to
London and win easily?"
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1911-06-09

cieties would be deprived Of their
rights and privileges as such had no
great effect upon the attendance at
the convention. Over 800 delegates
were seated, representing ninety
eight Maine societies.
The convention held a speaking"
session a which Alfred Bonneau. one
of those interdicted, gave a history of
the fight for the dissolution Of the
corporation sole" by which Bishop
Walsh holds complete control Of the
Roman Catholic church property in
the State. He declared that the 6ght
had just begun. His remarks were
greeted with applause.
Representative j. B. Couture, who
introduced in the Legislature the bill
abolishing the corporation sole" and
who was interdicted, addressed the
convention What action Bishop
Walsh will take in regard to the
delegates who participate In the con-
vention is not known. From the
purely canonical point of views they
became interdicted, ipso facto. the
very moment they ignored the
Bishops warning.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1911-06-09

spring and winter wheat, the indica-
tions point to a slightly larger yield
per acre as during the last five years.
This would make a total production
of all wheat Of 80 per cent. more than
last year and 1912 per cent. more than
the average for the last five years.
THE acreage of oats was not quite
SO large as it was last year but the
one-tenth of. one per cent. reduction
is substantially immaterial. The crop
prospects are not so promising as a
year ago. Last years production was
the largest ever recorded. The con-
oition of the crop indicates a yield per
acre of 27.7 bushels as compared with
31.9 last year, and % for the average
of the last five years. This would
make total production of about
1873 less than last year, but As per
cent. more than the average Of the
last five years.
1.-THE condition of all crops in the
Pacific northwest, particularly in
Washington and Oregon, is notably
fine. If any one feature of the month
covered by the report stands out above
another, it was the drought which pre-
vailed during May practically through
out the country. 1t affected mater
tally not only the condition of winter
wheat, but also the hay crop, which is
one of the greatest crops of the coun-
try That drought now, however, has
been very largely relieved in all parts
of the country"
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1911-06-09
YOUR NEIGHBOR'S EXPERIENCE

How you may profit by it. Take Fo-
ley Kidney Pills. M. Morano "a
Woodbridge ST., Hartford, Conn.,
says: For many years [ suffered
with weak kidneys and had awful
pains across my back and was mis-
cradle and tired out. heard of
Foley Kidney Pills and the good they
were doing and decided to try them
and am glad I did for after taking
them a few days the pain left my
back and although 1 have taken only
one bottle 1 feel better than 1 have
for years. I cannot say too much
for Foley Kidney Pills" F. B. Brill,
Curtis Pharmacy. 81 3
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1911-06-09
ELKS TO HAVE OUTING

The members of Bridgeport lodge of
Elks are looking forward with pleas
ure to the outing and trip to South
Norwalk, to be held by them on Mon
day evening, when they will aid the
lodge of that city to observe it's an
niversary. South Norwalk lodge was
instituted ten years ago by the Bridge
port lodge and the local antlers have
Away taken the keenest interest in
their DrOtegeS
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1911-06-09
COATING ROCKS WITH CONCRETE

Arrangements have been made by
the Canal Commission for the test
ing on the Panama Canal of a pneu-
matte spraying machine for coating
rock surfaces with concrete mortar.
Much of the rock in Culebra Cut de-
teriorates after being exposed to the
atmosphere. To prevent the crumb-
ling of the sides of the cut, it is pro-
posed to cover the rock with a con-
crete mixture. The machine will be
tested for period of 80 days, ana.
if found satisfactory, will be pur-
chased by the Commission.