davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
Atlanta and Birmingham

l.. W. McCravey, formerly of Hunts vile, but now resident of Atlanta, is in Birmingham as the guest of his kins- man, Nenian l.. Steele. He has met some old friends in the city and is making many new ones.
 Being an Alabamian, I am familiar with Birmingham, of course,' said Mir. McCravey. This city is improving right along, but l am just from Atlanta and must say that metropolis is still leading ali the cities of the south in public spirit and in the matter of large hotels and sky so.aper office buildings. Atlanta is the lest lighted city I have eyer seen, but W hen it comes to beautiful residence sec- tions, Birmingham has got all the cities beat Atlanta's Peachtree street cannot compare with Birmingham's Highland aN enue' '
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
BASEBALL DOWN SOUTH,

From the Atlanta Journal
 The umpire scouts overlooked this in- dicator man. The following is a sample of his work
 The Atlanta Deppens and the Birming- ham Gold Dusts, negro baseball teams, were playing a strenuous game in Allan ta. In one inning the Gold Dusts had the bases full with no outs. An ebony hued batter stepped to the plate The pitcher sent the sphere to the catcher.
 "One ball!" called the negro umpire. Again the pitcher got busy.
 Two balls,' called the umpire.
 After the third ball pitched the man with the indicator shouted:
 Three balsv' once more the sphere went across the plate.
 "Fo balls, yo' out shouted the um- pire. The batter was highly indignant.
 'What?" he yeyyeld. "Me out? Whah you git dat?'
 Now. look a-heah, man. said the urn- rire; ''yo' gotta be out Dey an.t no room fo' yo' on de bases.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
THE CLOUD

By Percy Bysshe Shelley. bring fresh showers for the thirsting te flowers
 From the seas and the streams; bear light shade for the leaves when
 laid
 In the monday dreams; From my wings are shaken the dews that
 awaken
 The sweet buds every one, l-i When rocked to rest on their mothers
 breast.
 As she dances about the sun, wield the fail of the flashing hail, And whiten the green plains under And then again l dissolve it in rain, And laugh as l pass in thunder. l am the daughter of earth and water. And the nursing of the sky, I pass through the pores Of the ocean
 and shores; I change, bur cannot die. For after the rain when with never
 stain,
 The pavilion of heaven is bare, And the winds and sunbcams with their
 convex gleams. Erild up the blue dome of air, I silently laugh at my own ccnotaph, And out of the cavcrns of rain, Like a child from the womb, like ghost
 from tho tomb,
 l arise and upbuild it again.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
UNDERwOoD's GROWTH IN PUBLIC
 FAVOR

From the Houston Post.
 of oscar w. Underwood, chairman of the ways and means committee of the lower house of Congress and demo- cratic floor leader, 1t may truly be said that with the large opportunities which were opened up to him by the demo- crats securing control of the House he has demonstrated that he not only has great ability as a statesman, but that he has fine capacity for party leader ship.
 His conduct of the democratic tariff fight in the House was so successful as to have brought him into the limelight of public favor before the whole coun try, and his coura geous response to un- just attacks made upon him by MT. Bryan has served to increase his popu- larity.
 In well written editorial the Mem phis Commercial Appeal reviews the growth of the house leader. his sudden fame, and speaks of some people won- dering how it came about. Says the Commercial Appeal;
 underwood is the same man of abilf- ty that he was at the beginning, but Underwood now having the opportunity to demonstrate this fact for the first time. wears the laurels of greatness and some people are wondering why.
 There is no change in the man. Os- car Underwood today is what he was when Joe Cannon was speaker of the House.
 "The difference is this The best of men. when curbed. so that his talents are chained, cannot show what he is. Given the advantage of chance, he can.
 When Mr. Underwood was elected democratic members as clear headed, conservative, active democrat, busi- ness man, a man of large ability. Above all things, he had the capaci- ty of never losing his head. In the heat of debate he rarely lost sight of his point He never missed his oppor- tunity
 Tn Congressman Underwood, Speak CT Cannon recognized a man of unusual ability and ignored him. This was the policy of the ox-speaker He honored
  feared it on the floor As the leader of the democratic ma iority in the lower House of Congress. when MT. Underwood took charge of tariff legislation he found lot of new members who were at sea on the propo- sition, and many of these were dis posed to follow MT. Bryan off in his free raw materials" vagaries, and un- der such teachings were willing to ac- ccpt unroservediy MT. Taft's reciprocity treaty. out of the confusion of senti- mont then existing, Underwood secured united democratic support for defi- nite policy Of revision downward on some schedules and ., compensa ting farmers free list to offset concessions l that worked to their injury in the reef procity bill.
 | As result of the generalship dis played by him in carrying out this pro- gramme it can truly be said that if any political capital was made by either | party in consequence of the extra ses- 1 sion, the democrats are the real benefi- ciaries.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
A begging prince what beggar pitIes not' king Richard III.
' Taxing All Breakfast Tables

Drouths have made sugar higher. and tea has been marked up withaut reason, and dry, hot weather in the far east has made spices higher. Even rice IS going up. Coffee, too, is ex- ceptionally high, and thereby hangs tale.
 No drouth, no failure of the crop. IS at the bottom of the advance in coffee. The coffee that was worth. one year ago, S3s cents, and four years ago 6ss cents, is now held at l33s cents. This is due to the val orization scheme of the Brazilian gov ernment working through a syndi- cate of bankers in this country and in Europe.
 A dispatch from Rio Janeiro to the Journal of Commerce under date of August l explains in detail just why there is coffee shortage. It is a re- port of the message of the president of Sac Paulo to the legislative con- gross, showing that there were in the hands of the governments committee on the first of the year 6,305, ,133 bags of coffee. That this committee per- mitted to be sold in 1910 only 5O6.- 99S bags, in accordance with an agreement-a conspiracy would be a better word-entered into December Il, 1908. This report further sets forth the places wherein the Brazil ian government has stored this coffee to be held for the forcing of extor- tlonate prices-Havre, New York. Hamburg, Antwerp, London, Rotter- dam, Trieste, Marseilles and Bremen. The amount held in New York to the account of this gang of conspirators was 1,46O,756 bags. During the cur rent year the conspirators have dis posed of 600,0O0 bags, and if it is necessary to prevent famine, have ordered the sale of another 600 .OOO bags, which will leave only a little over 5,000,000 bags. "The coffee sold fetched excellent prices," says Presi- dent Limo to the congress. It did.
 This sort of conspiracy to tax the breakfast table deserves considera- tion by the American Congress. Bra gil has laws that restrict planting and that limit exports to 10000, ,00O bags a season. A prohibitive export tax is laid on all shipments beyond that ag- gregate. Congress certainly can de- wise some remedy against such legis- lation on BraziPs part and against the efforts of the coffee trust in this country to advance prices. The sub ject deserves and should receive a thorough investigation, not by the Senate, but by the House, which rep resents the ultimate consumer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
HOW HE RESTRAINED HER

From the New York Press.
 She stepped out upon the almost desert ed country hotel piazza and was soon followed by a man, to whom she said;
 T will not live with you another day
 ..You'n leave me, will you?" he calmly asked.
 "Yes. l will"
 "When?"
 "Now-right off-this minute"
 q wouldn't if were you"
 But I will, and I defy you to pre- vent me. I have suffered at your hands as long as l can put up with it.'
 "Oh, I shan't try to stop you he quietly replied. '1'll simply report to the police that my wife has mysteriously dis appeared They'll want your description, and I'll give 1t. You wear No shoes, you have an extra large mouth, you walk stiff at the knees, your nose turns up at the end, you wear blond wig to hide your red hair; voice like d."
 "Wretch You wouldn't dare to do that" she exclaimed.
 q certainly will. and the description will appear in all the city papers
 They glanced at each other for mo- ment in silence Then it was plain to him that she had cancelled that visit to mother.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
TOO WEIGHTY.
POORLY PAID. Of life and love The poets sing, But it seldom gets Them anything.
THE OLDEST JOKE.

Age cannot wither some stories, and the oldest joke on record is related in one of the Berlin Papri of the sixth Egyptian dynasty (about 3290 B. O, and 1t should not be overlooked that in the days when the world was young tale enjoyed cen turies of verbal currency before it was inscribed in permanent form. According to the papyrine, a certan scribe wno worked for the temple of Thoth oecu- pied apartments where his neighbors on either side were a coppersmith and car penter respectively. These honest ar tisans were exemplary specimens of in dustry and kept up such row all day and most of the night that the poor scribe was almost driven mad. At last, by stroke of craftness. he buttonholed each neighbor separately and bribed them to change their lodgings, which they did-with one another. This tale has kept the world amused for five thousand years-we often meet with it now-and # never seems to have occurred to anybody to wonder why the scribe did not change
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
THE TENDER-HEAaTED MoToRMAN

From the Maysville. Ky, Independent.
 Friday about noon as east bound street car was. entering the Mathews switch the motorman suddenly stopped his car and jumped off the front end. The passengers thought there was a breakdown and got excited. Presently the motorman appeared with small crippled chicken in his hands. and he placed it out of danger. got on the car and applied the power. Those on the car we're greatly impressed with the ac- tions of the motorman, anu several wom- en took pains to tell him how they felt about the matter-but the motornlan is married.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
Southern Baseball Teams

The Cleveland team of the Ameri- can league owns the New Orleans franchise of the Southern league, and now it is rather more than rumored that Connie Mack of the Philadelphia Athletics has purchased the Atlanta franchise.
 This is a movement that should not be encouraged. The teams of the Southern league should retain all the independence they can, and it is by no means great, for the big leagues dictate the rules of the game and they pluck away at the end of each season choice players. If in addition to all this the southern teams are to become mere adjuncts of big leagse teams it will inevitably result in teams in this section of cast offs. The movement should be opposed rather than promoted. In one way or an- other it will lower the tone and stand ing of southern teams.
 There are left six independent, so to speak, teams in the south, and that number should not be decreased. At lanta and New Orleans will hereafter be mere conveniences of two big league teams, and surely that is as far as this movement should be per mi.ted to go.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
THE CANDY SCOT

From Answers. ,. An unedueated Scotsman made for tune. One day he and an acquaintance were talking, when the latter said to old Duncan:
 Say, Duncan, you don't know enough to go in when 1t rains. Why, you cant even spell bird
 "B-u-r-d," said Duncan. .
 q tell you you don't know anything. Why, if you had to spell to make a liv- ing you'd have been dead years ago. I'll bet you hundred you can't spell bird "
 "Il talk ye,'' quickly replied Duncan.
 After the money was put up, Duncan said B-i-r-d.'
 That ain't the way you spelled it the first time"
 q wisna bettin' them
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
puGrLrsM AND LAW IN LONDON

From the Chicago RecoRdHerald.
 London is in the throes of a prize fight discussion, apropos of the ap- preaching Johnson-Wells contest. Count less sermons have denounced the pro- posed event. The London county coun- ell has practically forbidden it, and the home secretary, it is said, is looking up the legal aspects of the matter. Mean while, the promoter, taking a hint from the Gilbert libretto in which a pretended solicitor advises his client in ticlSlsh affair, is preparing to ''chance it." He maintains that his enterprise is perfectly legal and declares that he will not be deterred by Ignorance, prejudice and misconception The fight is to go on.
 The English have never quite developed the American sensitiveness relative to pugilism. But they have developed an acute sensitiveness in regard to the strict observance of the law. In the United States defiance of the law in such a con nection has not been unusual, and has ire quently been profitable. Not so in England, The proprietor of Earls Court, the scene of the intended encounter, runs the risk of losing his license and of being driven into bankruptcy. Additional punishment might even follow. His course involves, for England, an unprecedented braving of the authorities. If he persists it seems likely that he will provide a means by which the British officials will have chance to give other people demonstra- ton of the sanity of the law and of the disadvantages consequent on will full and fragrant f1outing of it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

to a haberdashery or tailor's shop, picks out the color that he likes, but nine times in ten the color of his selection does not like him. The salesman could do good deal in the way of promoting esthet- ics if he would suggest to the prospective purchaser what you'd look well on him Some salesmen think this bad policy and therefore they would humor the man and tell him that this or that looked well on him when it did not. l do not mean for a moment to say that salesmen are de- ficient in sincerity or honesty of express sion. But when 1t is seen that a custo- mer wants to wear red neck gear, when red is the very color that does not go well with his complexion, the salesman does not argue. but tells the man that red will look all right While there are far more important things in this life than styles in apparel, these matters are, nevertheless, worth considering
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press.
 Wasting money never gave anybody real happiness.
 A very enjoyable thing would be va cation from vacations.
 For the man who likes fattery you can't pour out too big doses.
 A man goes wild with joy at the birth of his first child and with despair at the sixth
 on hat the better it would look to her husband in cigars.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
MODERN RIP VAN TWINKLE


 From the Dallas News.
 The old man drifted uneasily into the country store and stared about him. Peo- pie stared at him, for he was a stranger to all but one man.
 That's old man Grimshaw, this one explained in a whisper; Ines hermit. I guess this is the first time he's coips out O the mountains in 10 years He lives on roots an berries and things" The old man leaned over the counter. Gimme" he quavered, "a nickel's worth a cheese and crackers" The store- keper regarded him sternly.
 We can't sell things that way" he said. Why, man, cheese is 25 cents a pound, and crackers are away up-four's high you know.'
 "But,' said the old man, Hast time bought any they gave me a bag full O crackers with a hunk of cheese in it." The. grocer laughed.
 When was that?" he asked. The old man reflected.
 "Bout eight years ago.. he said. q been away
 'I should think you had" the grocer exclaimed And didn't you use to buy a can of cove oysters and get some crack CTS an pepper sauce and vinegar throwed in?" The old man nodded. An set on barrel in tn store" pur- sued the grocer, "an' made a lunch out of it?'' The old man nodded again. q "Nothn' doing like that now" the grocer assured him; times has changed" -'I guess so,' the old man sighed, open ing a dirty feather bag with his teeth, gimme B wuth O crackers an cheese. Do l pay extra for the bag?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
REASONS WHY TRAVEL
 LING MEN BLOW UP

From the Chicago Tribune. q, Are you still on the wason. Are you on salary or commsson?" When did you get in?' When are you going out?'' ''Is that real dianond?'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

The women of America will not thank Admiral Ching Pin K%ong for saying that they are neither beautiful nor chic, but "so clever The last named clause will not save the Chinese admiral from compliments that he will not be able to ar preciate.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
A sNoBB1sH yEARNING

A sNoBBIsH YEARNING. L like to read story-book, Tn which the heroine Is noted for her naughty look
 And owns a limousine.
 EASY.
 He can tell you of-hand what are the greatest novels.'
 'Indeed? And what docs he eonsidei tie greatest novels?' ''The ones he writes ACCORDING TO THE CALENDAR 7 The locust sounds it's rasping lay Upon some log, tt And hot and humid is the day, In Aug. Kansas City Journal. Dad looked at his lean pocketbook, ssAnd then he wept;
 He's glad the folks will all be home In Sept. Los Angeles Express. We soon must claim the overcoat SThat we have hooked; Because the nights will all be cool In Oct Youngstown Telegram. Thanksgiving triumphs will be few For me, by love. I've signed a note that will be due In Nov. q Chicago Reeord-Herald. Alas, that bills that now abound
 Will never cease. 'a4 For Santa Claus will be around i In Dec. Cincinnati Enquirer. And after Santa Claus has come Most every man
 Will make some resolutions glum
 In Jan.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

No aeroplane line can afford to carry passengers at less than 2S cents a mile, and the railroad rate of 2l.. cents has therefore no rival.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

The annual conference of governors should not be permitted to degenerate into mere junl1et. Congress has monopoly Of the latter.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

Swimmers have swan across the Eng isli channel and birdmen have flown over 1t. and it is now in order to put tube under it, thus abolishing it altogether as an obstruction to free intercourse.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

Rudyard Kipling stands discountenanced in Canada as well as In the United States.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

France has lost Mona Lisa," and this country is glad to say it has lost Beulah Binford.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

The man who rushes the growler in New York now carries paper box not unlike those long used for oysters or ice cream.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

The Panama canal will at any rate place limit on the size of ships both of war and in the merchant service.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

gether too violent and short sighted. No doubt the Chinese government will be able to restore order and main tain it's contracts.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

The Beattie trial is freely compared with the Crippen trial, and in the com rarison Virginia does not suffer in dig nity or standing
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

Some farmers are too proud to sell eggs. and some are not too proud to sell lad ones.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

Those who expect Secretary Wilson to resign do not know the nature of the Iowa politician.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

Since wood piles have been abolished large back yards are uncalled for. The larger the back yard the bigger the nuis- anco as rule
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

The majority in Maine is not as deep as well or as wide as barn, but demo- cratic legislature will probably find it sufficient.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

When Governor Stubbs first became q state official he says more than 100 per sons were carried on the statehouse roll as assistant superintendcnts of ventila- tion. All have been dropped but one.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

The common sugar bowl Is also largely denounced. This old world is certainly becoming fnnicky.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

The little hops of the cross continent flyers will never carry them over the Rockies.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

The humidity in Maine is remarkable whether or no she has gone wet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

No one now considers Alaska a gold brick, and this leads some to think that even the Philippines will be taken out of that category.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

Some are acquiring a breakfast food complexion, and they do not seem to like it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

Men that have a chronic grouch are sent to jail in California.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
AFFLUENT.

''Who is the gentleman who just now passed us in the large touring car?"
 "Trmmim. He has the hat-checling privilege in a famous restaurant
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

tried to walk off, but I hung on. l was away down below the surface of the ground and didn't even know straight up. "Correspond" he kept saying, and I as- sured him I would be glad to do so if he would give me his address, but first I wanted to know where I was at. I knew he was swearing, but it was French swear, and I didn't mind. Finally he took me by the arm and walked me through a couple of passages and point cd to another platform, Al light broke in or me and I took the train which soon came. 1 learned afterward that '.corpe- spond" is French for transfer
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
A STUBBORN SPIRIT.

A STUBBORN SPIRIT. "Oh tell me not of happiness" X hopeless toiler cried; five never made q prayer yet, That it was not denied. i've never dreamed golden dream That ever yet came true, And trouble follows on my trail, No matter what 1 do." And thus he moaned unceasingly- Complained from morn to night, Nor ever found single ray To make his path more bright. When all the time the world was fair Less favored mortals glad. Who only sees the darker side Shall ever more be sad ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART"
 ETC. T suppose the Cutters enjoyed their trip abroad?' "oh. yes; but not half as much as their neiehbors did
 NEEDLESS ALARM.
 lately met
 A suffragette Whose countenance did fright me,
 Though l must grant
 She did not rant, Nor seemed disposed to bite me.
 TOO WEIGHTY. "Pa, what does 'pergamentaeeous' mean?" Good heavens, son, where did you find that word?' ''In the dictionary" ''Well, you had better let 1t stay there" !"
 POORLY PAID.
 Of life and love
 The poets sing,
 But it seldom gets
 Them anything
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

NOT AT ALL SURPRISING. Who tumbles from an airship And lights upon his head, May be expected to remain For some days in his bed
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

his own lodgings; but perhaps his rent was in such arrears. as sometimes hap- pens to other literary gentlemen, that 1t was cheaper to hribe the two worlkmen7
 f. P.s Weekly. x
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

Now is the time to save up mono. for Christmas.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
PESSIMISTIc.

Life is a merry-go- round.'' Perhaps you are right. I feel as if I had been spinning around on a wooden zebra for the past ten years.
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22
ONE WAY.

Every man, at some time or other in his life, is made to feel small.. es g9i g5s, Quite true. By the way, did you ever try to give waiter a 5 cent tip?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1911-09-22

Travel Letter of w. Y. Morgan in tn
 Hutchinson CKas.) News.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1911-04-01

and snorts of disgust from the OPP
posing bunch.