Omaha daily bee., 1911-05-04
BALD HEADS VS.. WHISPERS
DEBATE by Noted Speakers Results in
No Decision.
DOMEs SHINE UNDER THE LIGHTS
champ Clark would Refer whole
auestion 60 Committee which Has
Wool ana Hair schedule Under
Confederation.

speaker Champ Clark OF the house Of
representatives, called on In the emergency
declared he could not sec any use In either
whiskers a bald head and referred the
whole mater 10 the ways and means com
mittee Of the house. which now has the
wool and hair schedule under consideration.
The baidheadsd side Of the question was
In the hands Of Senator Robert l.. Taylor
of Tennessee and Representative Nicholas
Lonsworth Of Ohio. The chin curtains
found their champions In former Senator
Thomas n. Carter Of Montana and Uncle
joe Cannon Of Illinois.
Heads saline, whiskers Combed.
AessTz. Taylor and Longworth entered
the ring amid cheers. Their hairless domes
spaTkled beneath the radiance Of myriad
electric lights. Senator Carter and Uncle
joe came with their whiskers combed for
the fray. The shouts that greeted them
were dsafeninE.
DIT. "PurO Food" Wiley Of the Depart
msnt OF Agriculture was chosen as the
timekeeper and each contestant was al
lowed ten minutes. Scott Q. Bone repre-
sentsd the press club referee during the
hOstiiitiss, but gave way 10 Speaker Clark
AZ the end.
The audience was gathered from every
part OF the country and included most Of
scence Of verdict prevented any money
changing hands.
Representative Longworth was the first
speaker. He said he did not believe a hair
on the head was worth two on the chin.
Neither wac he willing 10 assume that
bald head-provided he should be oonsid-
cred bald-was In any sense a handicap,
either in public private life. Mr. Long
worth claimed that on his birthday every
man has q choice between hair and brains.
His choice. he said. was apparent
The condition Of the disputants on the
othar side Ia utterly inexcusable," asserted
Mr.. LOngworth. In oldsn days whiskera
were excusable-they were kworn by-but
nowadays they are only sworn at.
There 10 no excuse for such whiskers
~ those that adorn the chin-or chest-of
the former senator from Montana. 1 claim
that Whisksrs are unsanitary and I appeal
TO the timekeeper to uphold me"
The timekeepeT promptly called time
Mr.. Lon9worth insisted he had been in
terrupted and that these interruptions
should not be taken from his time. Dr.
Wiley insisted that the interruptions were
tho best part Of the argument.
Former Senator Carter was introduced as
exhibit A. for the whislrsrs.
BaIaness Never VOLUNTARY.
wore a bald head A bald head Is an af-
fiction, standing joke. q physical in
trinity. We pity. but do not blame our on-
poneuts.'
Senator Carter insisted that the beard"
was the real thing. He ridiculed mustaches
and said they first called out the name Of
ewhiskera. as they whisled back. and forth
e in the breeze.
mo fair maiden he said ever feared
a promise from a bearded man. The beard
IL badge OF manhood. bearded man
needs only opportunity.
The first man TO cut off boards was
Alexander the Great. IL was q brutal
measure Of warfare to prevent anita onlsts
from SEEKING the soldiers by the beard. Let
us all wear boards and there will be no
more warfare in this troubled world Of
ours.
There IL another thing about the bald
headed man. He naturally goes to prison
without previous preparation. II takes some
trouble to prepare a bearded man for that
unfortunate habitation.
"Our opponents tonight. having neither
hair nor whiskers. were compelled to take
the side assigned TO them. Tho baldheaded
man will be the butt OF Jokes from the
beginning TO the end"
senator Taylor, introduced as an ivory
said that when Mr.. Cannon was speaker
Of the house he shook pestilence and war
from his horT4d beard. He dwelt upon the
nobility OF bald peaks Of mountains and
the bald heads of the American eagle cir
cling about them in the azure atmosphere.
Coming down to bald facts he added:
Taylor on smooth Pates.
when 1 was born. q few short summers
ago. I had a bald head. My father before
me had a bald head and when 1 opened my
ewes and looked upon his FURNISHED dome
thought all the world baldheaded. And
when my mother pressed her smooth
cheeks to mine 1 ala not think there was
such a thing in the world as whiskers.
once / had raven tresses." said sena-
tor Taylor wistfully, but like autumn
leaves they left me. Ever since l los,
them / have had a horror OF hair and
supreme contempt for whiskers. on the
other hand l have always admired q
bald head as a symbol OF purity and inno-
oenoe"
Uncle joe" Cannon said he never had
been funny in his iifs-at least not con-
sciOusly so. He quoted from a writer who
recently was In Turkey and who said IN,
saddest man he found in the empire had 9
bald head. He was harsm guard.
settle the dispute he said that Uncle joe
had protested at his presence at the party
on the ground that he neither had whisk
ers nor a bald head. Mr.. Clark said h'
wouldn't have missed the debate for the
world despite the fact that his wife die
not want him to come
she said there wasn't any sense In thi
whole performance" he declared
Mr. Clark insisted that the reason tina
a majority Of man no longer wear whisk
ers was because they were all trying Z
look like william Jennings Bryan. HI
rather raped the whiskerites when h
said a good looking man could afford q
have a smooth face. while an ugly one haa
better keep his beard
Observe. gentlemen" he concluded
that / have a smooth face"
MANY AUTOS IN SOUTH DAK0TI
Efwa Hundred TNemtN-aeVRW