davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald., 1911-04-06
The Feet of ChameIeons.

Chameleons. as no doubt readers are
aware. all belong to the old world. and
particularly to Africa. In their tongue.
their feet and their eyes they differ re-
markably from other lizards. Their
feet, though possessing FIVE toes, are
divided into two grasping groups, look
ing like hand In mittens. and only by
close examination you perceive the
presence of the two or the three oppos-
ing respectively. but so close together
as to appear like one broad one. On
the padded soles or palms Of these
grasping limbs you can feel and see
the small-may one say-palpi, which
enable them to grasp so firmly that 1t
is difficult to detach a chameleon from
its foothold. These clinging feet, to-
gether with their prehensic tail, en-
able them to sustain themselves on
the branches In the strongest gale.
The herald., 1911-04-06
NapoIeon's Custodian at St. Helena

Sir Hudson Lowe. the man appoint
ed by England TO be the custodian Of
the emperor, arrived at ST. Helena on
April IA, 1916. His appearance was
not prepossesslng. He was extraordi-
narily thin, with a stiff carriage. He
had long, bOny face blotched with red
and scanty hair Of dirty yellow color.
His hollow eyes cleaned under thick
reddish eyebrows. but were furtive
and restless. never looking straight at
any one save by stealth.
THAT is a bad man." declared Ma
poleon when he had seen him. His
eye as he examined me was like
hyena's caught In trap"
He really resembled this horrid, sly
animal In Its walk as well as In hair
and eyes. He never sat down when he
was talking, but swung about hesitat-
ingly and with abrupt jerks.-Stokoe,
with NAPOLEON at st. Helena"
The herald., 1911-04-06
UniustIy Accused.

Andrew Carnegie, when talking
about the Scotch dialect once, said:
scotch dialect is lingo hard to I'M
derstand, and it often causes awkward
mistakes. Once an American divine
spent Christmas In a highland inn. On
Christmas morning he gave the maid
q tip of a sovereign, and he said, look
ing earnestly at her, for she was a
pretty maid:
"Do you know, Kathleen. you are
q very good looking lassie?
"Of course Kathleen was pleased.
but, being modest. she blushed like a
rose and answered:
"'Ah, ma. All, IA! But my kissing,
sir, is beautiful!
1.-THE divine frowned.
leave the room, you wicked
young baggage" he said sternly.
"He didn't know, you see. that mod
est Kathleen had been simply praising
In her highland dialect the superior
charms OF her cousin Janet Of Pee
hlaa-"
The herald., 1911-04-06
Not Such q Dude 40 He Looked.


A prominent western man has two
sons. One is big and husky, like his
father, but the other is more slight,
and at times he rather vexes his IA
Their by his afrectatiOn of rah-rah boy
clothes and general air of lassitude
the father were in the library one
night, and the name of a prizefight
referee came into the conversation
The rah-rah boy had been sitting by.
twiddling his thumbs, but his ears
pricked up at the mans name, and he
drawled: Il rather like that chap
He's all right"
What do you know about him?" the
other brother asked rather contemptu-
ously.
"Oh, he gave me a shade the best Of
1t one night"
Gave you the best Of it," both IA
Their and brother shouted.
Eyes. You see, l fight under the
name Of Young Ryan. and he counted
pretty slow one time when was
uOWu. -SdluIudy ENeuluS TOSt.
Threatened tho King.
The honor of knighthood Is not one
which appeals to everybody. Coke Of
Norfolk, who considered that he had a
far better claim than the speaker to
the designation Of first commoner Of
England. strongly disliked the idea Of
a handle to his name. This fact was
well known to George ". When Coke
was chosen to head deputation pray
ing the king to dismiss from his per
son and council those advisers who by
their conduct had proved themselves
alike enemies to the throne and peo-
pie George announced that he would
get even with him. eff Coke Of Nor
folk enters my presence" he declared.
II swear I'll knight him." The threat
was repeated to Coke, who rejoined,
"If he dares such a thing swear I'll
break his sword" And as the sturdy
Norfolk squire was quite capable Of
doing this, George refrained from car
rying out his threat.-London Chron-
icle.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Tho Stork's Lazy House Building.

The most interesting sight In the
Rotterdam zoo was the stork, whose
nest is set high on a pinnacle of the
buffalo house. He was building In
the leisurely style of the British work
ingman. He would negligently de-
scend from the heavens with a stick.
This he would lay on the fabric and
then carefully perform his toilet, look
ing round and down all the time to
see that every one else was busy.
Whenever his eye lighted on a toddling
child or a perambulator 1t visibly
frightened. "My true work" he Seem
ed to say. This nest building is mere
bypaths Of industry" After drinking
and overlooking and congratulating
himself thus for a few minutes he
would stroll of over the housetops for
another stick. He was unQuestionably
king Of the garden.-Lucas In "A
Wanderer In Holland"
The herald., 1911-04-06
Pirates and Strategy.

- sirtuous island Of Sark was not
E 80, When Edward III. was
0ark was haunt of pirates and
Gs. Sir A. Conan Doyle In ssh
tells how they lived not upon
sand, but from what they can
9 upon the sea around 1t. They
oroken folk from all countries
- HERS. prison breakers, reavers,
eo bondsmen, murderers and
breakers who have made their
% this outlapd place and hold it
st all Corners" The merchants
NE and Winchelsea fitted out an
Ruon against those scourges of
-. ow seas. A landing was OBJ
h,sss oy strategy. Leave was OBJ
~. 70 bury a supposititious dead
On the island, the burying party
Sne unarmed. But that apparent
was filled with weapons, and so
- s.rk cleansed Of its evil inhabit-
london Standard.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Curious Transferenee Of Heat.


A workman in the observatory at
Toulouse has invited attention to a sim
gular phenomenon. A bar Of iron Is
taken by the end. and the other end
Is plunged into fire, heating it strong.
Iy, but not so much that the hand
cannot retain its hold. The heated
end Is then plunged into a pail Of cold
water. Immediately the other end be-
comes so hot that it is impossible to
hold it. This phenomenon, familiar to
workmen In iron, is ascribed by them
to some repellent action they suppose
the sudden cold exerts upon the heat
contained In the iron. which is thus
driven to the opposite extremity.-Chi-
cago Record-Herald.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Safety Valves of the World.

Terrific as are the forces of volcanic
action, they have served and do yet
serve their ordained purpose in the
magnificent scheme Of cosmic develop
ment Volcanoes form natural vent
for the pentup internal forces result
ing from the slow cooling and consoli-
dalton Of the earth's mass. They act
as the safety valves Of the world, with
out which the crust of the earth would
In all probability burst with explosive
force and with a resulting cataclysm
appalling to contemplate. Volcanoes
tend, in fact. to maintain the normal
stable equilibrium between the interior
and the outer surface of the world.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Time TO Make n Chance.

Sir William Phips was appointed
governor In chief of the province OF
Massachusetts, Bay in 1862. During
his administration the terrible war
against witchcraft ragged for some six
teen months. When his own wife,
Lady Phips, was named as having ex-
ercised the powers Of witchcraft Sir
william began to view this whole ter
rible madness In a new light. and he
put stop to all trials and discharged
the prisoners then awaiting trial.
The herald., 1911-04-06
The Crow That Wears a Fools Cap.

The Crow That wears Foofs Cap.
The following clever way Of keeping
crows away from a grainfeld is used
by the farmer of Holland: He makes
some small caps of stout paper and
smears around the inner side Of the
mouth of each some birdlime or other
sticky stuff. In these he puts some
grains of corn and stands them about
his fields by pressing their points into
soft earth. When the crow finds one
Of these paper caps he thinks himself
in great luck until he attempts to peck
at the tempting grain. when. to his
establishment, he finds the cap attach
ed to his head--a regular fools cap
which will not even allow him to see
what course to take IL he flies up.
However, he succeeds In reaching
some coarse grass or bushes and after
much bewildered scrambling and flop
ping about gets his head out Of this
undesirable cap and ever afterward
avoids the field where there are more
of them.
The herald., 1911-04-06
The Ratha of CaracalIa.

The Romans appear to have been
well off In the matter Of bathing
places in the first and second centu-
ries. In the baths Of Caracalla 1000
bathers could be accommodated at one
time. The inclosed area was $50
square yards, but it included course
for foot racing. The bathing estab-
lishment was 24O yards in length by
124 wide. The remains Of the walls
are eight and ten feet thick and In
some places as much as fifty feet high.
The herald., 1911-04-06
PhiIosophic Tea.

The famous Adam Smith had all the
proverbial observation-disclosures Of the
philosopher. An amusing story Of him
Is told in Mr.. Fyvie's book, Noble
Danes and Notable Men Of the Geor-
gian Era" Mr. Damer, 1t appears,
called one morning upon the Scottish
philosopher just as he was preparing
his breakfast AS they talked the
learned man took piece of bread and
butter in his hand and, after rolling
It round and round, popped 1t into his
teapot and poured the boiling water
upon it. Damer watched with quiet
amusement without drawing attention
to this peculiar proceeding, and pres
emily he had his reward, for when
Adam Smith poured himself out cup
Of this queer decOctiOn and tasted 1t
he quite innocently remarked to his
visitor that 1t was the worst tea he
had ever met witt"
: Why She Quit Her Job.
A lady of my acquaintance In Tokyo,
says writer in the World Wide Mag
azine, possessed a valuable servant Of
somewhat mature years who rejoiced
In the poetic name of Oharu San
"The Honorable Miss Spring"
One day Miss Spring brought in
luncheon as usual. All seemed serene;
there was not a shadow Of a cloud In
the domestic sky. But at teatime no
tea appeared; neither, In answer to
calls at first patient and afterward
impatient, did Oharu. After awhile
the lady went herself to the back re-
gions and found-desolation. The char
coal box was filed with gray ashes,
the kettle cold. Half the luncheon
plates lay immersed in bowl of
soapy water; the other half stood on
the sink ready to be put away. Oharu
herself simply was not.
The next morning, however, she re-
appeared, very much on her company
manners, with a clean kimOno and her
hair done In a shining bun to denote
the state of a matrOn, demanding the
fragment of wages due to her since the
beginning of the month. The lady ex-
postulated and asked why the servant
was leaving thus suddenly.
"Oh," replied Oharu, lust as l was
washing the plates yesterday ! remem-
bered that SaitO San, the pawnbroker,
wanted wife. Therefore l went out
and married him."
The herald., 1911-04-06
FIGURE Il Out.

A farmer takes some pigs to market
h basket He puts the first in with
ID head poining one way and the
next with its head In the opposite di-
ncton, the next with its head point
ing the same way as the first, and so
On he stops when he has three heads
pointing one way and three tails the
seher How many pigs does he put in?
The herald., 1911-04-06
A Cumulative Test

As the thin man and the stout one
were talking of diet and food in gen.
eral the thin man said: "You can get
an excellent dinner at Clapham's, the
restaurant near my Office. for % cents.
Ever try one Of his dlnners"
Zone Of 'em. Yes, should say
had" said the stout man. why, l
ate four Of 'em one day last week.
The herald., 1911-04-06
CIexer Man.

With a sigh she laid down the maya
zine article upon Daniel O'COnnell.
''The day of great men," she said. 'is
gone forever"
"But the day of beautiful women is
not" he responded.
She smiled and blushed. T was only
Joking" she explained hurriedly.-
Western Christian Advocate.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Tho Forehead and Health.

The forehead is the first feature Of
the face to show indisposition. The
minute ones stomach is out of order
there will be yellow spots on the
brow. When one feels faint the fore
head will instantly show it. When
one is sick there will be freckles and
pimples upon the brow. which was
smooth and clear before. The fore
head is as good an indication Of ones
general health as is the pulse.-Lon-
don Globe.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Bully.

An Irishman and his English friend
were out rabbit shooting. They had
been very unsuccessful and were re-
turning downhearted when they saw
a hare dart out Of the hedge.
Mike, In amazement. failed to shoot,
and the hare escaped.
"Why didn't you shoot itT' asked
the Englishman.
"Shure," said Mike, 81 didn'' see 1t
till 1t was out Of sight" - London
Ideas.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Strong Hold.

Bill-Experiments with thousands Of
subjects have shown that the average
man attains his maximum strength in
his thirty-first year.
Jill-A womans strong age is twenty
eight, I suppose.
"Why"
Haven't you noticed how they hold
on to itr'-Yonkers Statesman.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Penalty of laziness.

Head Of Department - What's this
lying on my desk? The last dunning
letter received from my tailor. duly
initiated by all my clerks. Oh. dear!
What have | done? Actually sent it
around to be duly noted by the whole
staff without taking the trouble to
look at it!-Fliegende Batter.
The herald., 1911-04-06
The Queer Part.

"Queer, isn't it. that lawyer is such
a lover Of dogs?"
"What is there queer about it?"
at Is more natural for a lawyer to
become attached to the fee-line spe-
ciesi-Lopdon Telegraph.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Theology and the Thsrmometer.

A point Of theology Is raised by Sir
Francis Younghusband in India and
Tibet" "An interesting detail" he
says, speaking Of the religion Of the
natives, as that their hell is not hot,
but cold. If it were hot the inhabit-
ants OF frozen Tibet would all flock
there"
The herald., 1911-04-06
The Way IL Happened.

Brother Lobstock-How did yo' all
got yo' nose busted? Brother lump
1 done slipped down an plumb Lit on
my back. Brother LObstock - But,
name o. goodness, sab, yo' nose isn't
located on yo' back! Brother lump
No, sab, an needer was Brudder
Wack.-Puck.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Turn About.

At q Christmas dinner I'm Washing
ton a statesman who had been much
in the public eye was called upon
after the meal to make little speech.
He rose and began: You have been
giving your attention so far to a tur-
key stuffed with sage. You are now
about to give your attention to a sage
stuffed with turkeyv
The herald., 1911-04-06
Didn't Need lt.

A book canvasser went into a bar
Der shop and asked the proprietor If he
could sell him an encyclopedia.
whats thatT asked the barber.
"Its a book that contains informa-
ton on every subject in the world"
There was victim in the chair. and
he put In feebly. HE doesn't need it!'
The herald., 1911-04-06
Taken At His Word.

de latter marriage)-What! You
ave no fortune? You said over and
sver again that you were afraid some
me would marry you for your money.
Me-Yes, and you said over and over
gain that you would be happy with
zen hadn't a cent Well, / haven't
{ cent.
The herald., 1911-04-06

Weary Walker-I lost 'arf crown
yesterday. Tired Timotheus-Did y
ave a ole In yer pocket? Weary
walker-No; the bloke wot dropped 1t
heard 1t fall.-London Tit-Bits.
The herald., 1911-04-06
A Wronu impression.

Fair Critic--Oh. Mr.. Smear, those
ostriches over there are simple per-
feet! You should never paint anything
else but birds. Artist (sadly)-Those
are not ostriches. madam. They are
angels.-London Opinion.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Quite n Joker.

Tall Sophomore-O'Frat is making
all kinds Of money writing Jokes. Fat
Junior - Writing jokes? Tall Sopho-
more-Yes. In his letters home he
tells his father he leads. his class
Chicago News.
The herald., 1911-04-06
IFS Penalty.

Artist Qndignantly)-You talk as II
painting an ugly woman's portrait for
money was crime.
Friend-I believe it is generally
hanging matter Baltimore American.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Thu Best Thinu,

what do you mean by kissing me,
Herr Frisch"
my aunt told me to. She told me to
come and help myself to the best thing
I could find In the kitchen. "-Fliegende
Batter
The herald., 1911-04-06
Perfecfion-

Perfection does not exist. To under
stand it is the triumph Of human in
telligence; to desire to possess 1t Is the
most dangerous kind Of madness.-Al-
fred de Musset.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Goinu Too Far,

Baldheaded Man Gn the witness
box)-The violent disorder was SO ter
rible that it made my hair stand on
end. Judge (severely)-Be good enough
to remember that you are on oath!
The herald., 1911-04-06
The Ipnobis GEORGE w.

The Ianobis George ".
Then there was the precious regent
What creature! Good men and bad
men unite in saying that he was abso-
lutely without virtue The shrewd.
calculating Greville described him in
words that burn: the great duke. his
CHIEF subject. uses language of dry
scorn. The king could only act the
part OF gentleman for ten minutes
at time" and we find the common
est satellites of the court despised the
wicked fribble who wore the crown of
England. Faithless to women, faith
less to men. coward, liar, a mean
and groveling cheat, George " never
theless chung to a belief in his own
virtues, and If we study the account
Of his farcical progress through Scot
land we find that he imagined himself
to be a useful and genuinely kingly
parsonage. No man. except perhaps
Philippe Egalite, was ever so con-
temned and hated. and until his death
he imagined himself to be a good man.
-Runciman ''Sidelights"
1er opIenoId Economy.
Their dinner for two cost SIS, but
the mans wife argued that in the end
1t was economy to dine at an expen.
sive restaurant because it gave her q
chance to study the fashions
'If we ate in some cheap place pat.
ronized only by dowdily dressed won.
en-" she said, Il would have to hire
an expensive woman to design my new
dresses. but by eating here l get a
chance to study the clothes worn by
women of position and can design my
own gowns"
That sounded convincing There was
no blessing on earth. the man reflected.
equal to an economical managing
wife, and he settled the bill with com.
parative cheerfulness. Three weeks
later he was given another bill to set.
tie. That called for $3.50.
What is this for?" he demanded.
"Oh," she replied, that is the cost Of
a dress 1 copied in the restaurant the
other night."-New York Sun.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Fatal Anxhnw

won't you try a piece Of my wife's
angel cake?'
will 1t make an angel Of me?"
THAT will depend on the kind of a
Life you have led."-Houston Post.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Out to Be In.

Never be In your place Of business
when a person wants to borrow money
OF you. because If you are in you will
be out. but IL you are out you will be
in.-London Answers.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Just Men.

II any one says that he has seen
lust man I'm want Of bread / answer
that it was In some place where there
was no other just man.-St Clement.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Ambiouous.

"Why did you spend so much money
on your wife's funeralT' asked a man
OF a neighbor.
"Ah, sir" was the reply, ''she would
have done as much for me and more,
too, with pleasure"
The herald., 1911-04-06
Qistinqaishinq Marks.

Willie-How do you manage to tell
those twin sisters apart? Cecil
When you kiss one of them she
threatens to tell her ma. while the 9TH
er when kissed says she will tell pa
The herald., 1911-04-06
Can Afford IL.

"Has the doctor large practice|
$50 large that when people have
nothing the matter with them he tells
them so.--Pittsburg Post.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Sincerity,

Be resolutely and faithfully what you
are; be humbly what you aspire to be.
Mans noblest gift to man is his sim
cerity, for it embraces his integrity
alsn -Tbnroa,t
The herald., 1911-04-06

There Is not any benefit so glorious
in itself that it may not be sweetened
and improved by the manner Of CIV
ing it-Sensca.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Playing at Death.

The mother Of Ivan Turgenev. the
Russian novelist, was a trying person
to live with, irritable, CapriciOus and
unreasonable. On Ivan's birthday In
1S45, we are told in 1.-TWO Rus
sian RefOrmers." after a day of festiv-
tiles, Nine. Turgenev pretended TO be
dying. "She sent for her cOnfessor
and, placing before her the portrait of
her son Ivan, exclaimed 'Adieu, Ivan.
Adieu, Nicolas. Adieu, my children
Then she ordered her forty servants
and all the men employed about the
house to say gOOdby to her. When
they had filed out Of the room Nine
Turgenev declared that she felt better
and asked for tea. The next day the
following order appeared:
II give orders that tomorrow morn
ing the disobedient servants, Nicolas
Jacovlef, Ivan Petrol and EgOr Kon-
dratatief. shall sweep the court in
front of my windows
Those names were those Of serv-
ants who had not appeared at her bed
side, possibly because they were lit
tie drunk that evening. Good for
nOthings! Drunkards. exclaimed Nine
Turgenev. They rejoice at the death
Of their mistressv"
The herald., 1911-04-06
A Richer Strike.

els 1t true that Maude refused
man worth a million?"
at Is"
"was she crazy or in lover
Neither She accepted man worth
two millions. Transcript.
The herald., 1911-04-06

The highest friendship must always
lead us to the highest pleasure.-Field.
ing.
The herald., 1911-04-06

1t is not so much being exempt from
faults as having overcome them that
Is an advantage to us.
The herald., 1911-04-06
The Proof.

'Ycy're very contradictory, my SON"
mo, I'm not, pa."-Lippincott's.
The herald., 1911-04-06
Clever Auntie.

Traveler-lt seems wonderful that
Japanese dentists can take out teeth
with their fingers. Little Jack
Auntie can take out hers with her
6ngers-every one of emf
The herald., 1911-04-06

The grand essentials Of happiness
are something to do, something to love
and something to hope for.-Chalmers
The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1911-12-07
DIVINE URGES UNION MEN
TO DiSCOUNTENANCE CRIME

Kansas City, Mo, Dec. 5.-'Nothing
so would conduce to show the true
spirit that animated tne sons of toll
as for them to say: We will raise a
fund to which every laboring man in
the United States shall contribute to
undo the wrong represented in the
loss of the breadwinners in the de-
struction of the Times building as
confessed by James b.. McNamara,''
said Rev. Cyrus Townsend Brady. in
discussing the confession of the Nc
Namara brothers today.
In self defense, the men who put
these murderers in office must use their
power to stamp out further crime"
he continued. Violence and force
achieve nothing: they recoil upon the
heads of those who use them. The
golden rule had nothing to do with
this case. The McNamaras confessed
to save their lives not from any high
motive. In the treatment of these
men the golden rule has no place, but
1t has a place in the differences be-
tween capital and labor. The square
deal cannot triumph by murder OF
assassination"