Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1911-12-20
Uncle SuaS
Chang Is Mind.
His Theory about Christmas
Presents did not work
out in Practice.

Christmas is. about here. If yer
don't believe it go down town and
watch the weary and perplexed folks
as are trottin' the rounds in search
of somethin' fer Uncle Tom, cousin
Dick and aunt Harryette. Yes this
is the time Of year when the poor
clerks are sprinkin' face powder on
their feet to keep down friction.
l knew Christmas was comm
weeks ago. When ye observe bales
Of lut-fsk combattin' elements out
side Of the old grocery, you just
mark it down as a straight tip that
Christmas is not many months away
in Minnesoter. And even if we didn't
see the spruce trees stacked up agin'
the store fronts, we'd know it was
soon Christmas by the feelin that's
il in the air. Landsakes! the neighbor
boys hasn't throwed no stones or
snow balls at our old rooster fer
three weeks!
There is somethin' peculiar about
this Christmas feelin'. Makes US old
fellers young again Why I met old
Aunt Samanthy, as has been laid up
with the govt most since the Fourth,
down at the sand 1O-cent counter
yesterday scratehin' around like an
old hen on the chaff side Of a straw
stack. Gout! Not the week afore
Christmas. .-
! What was I adoin' at the sand
10-cent store, did you ask? All, come
along now! Can't teller be kind
O. lookin' around like jest fer cur
iosity? ~s....
But as fer as that goes, I hain't
knockin' this Christmas present bust
ness like I did last year. It don't
hurt some of us old skinhints to open
up our purse strings a mite once a
Iyear and make ourselves and others
happy. -.<
I'll tell you how it was. Last year
some Of us old cronies down at the
post Office, got to a talkin' bout what
a big heap Of nonsense all this
Christmas present buyin' was. How
thousands Of dollars is thrown away
every year on a lot of n-horns and
tomfoolery. ''Things are gettin' SO
bad" says I, one day to >Malindy,
"that someone has got to take the
lead in curbin' this evil or Wen have
pannick." So when proposed to
/ Malindy that we'd cut out the pres
ents this year, she was patriotic huff
to agree tho I low I noticed it both
cred her right considerable.
You see, was the one as proposed
the agreement and I reckon I stuck
to my end about as long as Malindy
did. The days afore Christmas were
mighty dull and heavy. But we man
aged to pull thru Christmas eve some
how. Malindy kept herself busy
chopin raisins and one thing anoth-
er, and I tried to keep up spirits by
tunin' up the old violin but some how
I couldn't get no ginger into the mu-
sick, and so turned in fer the night
But along about midnight I sud
; denly some how recomembered as
how I had forgot to hang my socks
by the fire to dry, as they maybe
! were damp from my long walk up thu
I creek trappin' muskrats. So ri,
! up kind of soft like so as not to dis.
! turb Malindy's slumbers, and wher
I I came out to the hearth with my
J socks, by the shades Of Old Sam
( Nick, fellers, believe me, if there
J wasn't hangin' mute and appealin
{ like, Aunt Malindy's best pair Of
! stockins'! Malindy's stockings {
hanging jest the way she used t.
hang 'em when she was little child
q I reckon. Well sir, some how o.
tother there came a lump bumpin
up agin my throat as big as full
grown rootabagger.
"Silas," says I, 'you're a crab
t you're an Unborn chump; you're ar
e ungrateful, sofisticated skinAint
YOU'RE a nut-headed demedicat-
ed fake; in another year, if you live
that long, you'll be scroogefed be-
l You'd all hope of redemption"
Now you folks will laugh, I low
when l tell ye; but it weren't 4 min
utes till l had quietly slipped my
buds on and stole out into the night
,, Old Kino came stalkin' out from
i his kennel a little surprised and anx.
t ious like, l reckon. ''No, old chap
says I, and patted him across his
; ribs, "yer old master hasn't gone
crazy. He's jest comm to his senses
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