New-York tribune., 1911-11-26
Here Are Causes
for Gratitude
Continued from second page.

ter that had been carefully sprnkled with
sand TO prevent slipping and held tight in
a special vice arrangement that could be 4
screwed on 10 each side OF a dish. But it
is another one OF these instances where
convenience IS ho5bied by convention.
The presence Of guests heightens the pros
pective carvers lack OF confidence in him
self ana there is absolutely TO system OF
mathematics that will tell whose hest
clothes the gravy Will splash or what
direction the evasive bird will take II -
decides in course OF being awllwardly dis
sected that IL viii take one last farewell
fight.
Here is ono place at least where tina
cooks of restaurants have II over the pri-
vate citizen who navigates hts own home.
There are thousands in New York who
have to take their Thanksgiving dinners
alone. and consume the same with no one
but themselves or me waiter 10 converse
with. IN some cases the waiter is demo
cratic and doesn't consider IN beneath thA
high dignity of his station 10 converse
with the homeless tip prospect. All
walters do not have barber shop tongues
In this case one has plenty OF time be-
tween courses in which 10 admire the ad-
mirable system with which the cafe
handles the turkey carving problem. one
sees the operation Of the same plan IN
table d'hote chicken.
OF course. the fat slices OF the white
meat tell no tales. but when you draw a
BIT of the dark with bone in IT, YOU get
an insight into the manner OF its cutting
off They evidently DO their carving with
a small circular saw. This Instrument
wastes no time in hunting for joints that
are open TO reason. but cuts straight ahead
through whatever section Of the bird is
placed in front OF it. II would hardly be
advisable economically for a person % IN
stall power fowl saw I'm his fat FOR the
sole purpose OF cutting up turkeys when
he happens to have them. but the cafS
plan serves as another pat illustration of
what can be done with sufficient power
and nigh pressure ingenuity
But there's plenty 20 be thankful FOR.
Crooks and confidence men should 10
thankful because
The birth rate OF easy marks continues
to be regulated by the minute hand oc
the clock
The new gun carrying law prohibits
righteous citizens from carrying firearms
and makes burglary comparatively safe
Prison reforms have made our peniten-
tiaries congenial. restful and economical
winter resorts.
Timorous persons st.ll deposit their Mfe's
savings IN old socks rather than truse
banks that may fail
The poor should be thankful because.
Moncy IS the root or al evil I
They are not rich enough to ride and
freeze .r motor cars this cold weather
The price Of air hasn't risen with other
necessities
They don't have TO worry about losing
their fortunes
The rich should be thankful because
They don't have 20 ride in stIffy subway
ears during the crush hours when there
are no vacant straps
Money talks in a universal tongue.
They don't have 10 set their alarm clocks
for $50
Dogs should be thankful because thu
heavy decrease in babies has added 10 their
luXuries
Cats should be thankful because they
have eyes that see missiles coming in the
dark
Coach horses should be thankful because
they don't have 20 pull brick wagons
Draft horses should be thankful because
the motor truck is Fastening the passing
Of the horse.
Birds should be thankful because the
success OF their flights doesn't depend on
the fickleness OF air currents
Germs should be thankful that the doc
tors are no wiser than they are.