Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1911-01-26


II my flow Of language should plunge
me over the precipice Of your pa
tience il would be a cataract. IL
should put you into atrance Il would
be catalepsy. II you will write
down the chunks Of brainfood | am
out. you will have q cata-
logue II you initiate the Greeks
and throw stones by machine, it will
be catapult. II keep this up and
get what is coming to me. it may
result,in the words Of Woodward, in
The most horrible and portentous
catastrophe that nature ever saw"
| am glad that my subject is one
that can talk seriously about, one
that | can solemnly rub upon the
back and let the sparks hy where
they may. A cats back shows that
wit is not the only thing that can
sparkle.
There are in fact very few JOKES
that rank as high az a cats back.
About the only things know of that
DO are pork chop or an ounce of
radium.
To say the least of it, the cats
brightness is up-to-date, while hu
NOR is as old as antiquity itself.
Sixteen hundred years ago there
lived in Rome a man Of literary
tastes, named Laurentius, He form
ed club of literati who were ban
qneted by him at stated intervals.
just as DR.. Powell is doing at the
present time. the records Of this
club have been preserved in a book
of 10 volumes, written by one of the
members named Athenaeus. He
called his hook THE Feast of the
Learned and | wish | had it here
tonight to read it to you. In it we
find the fruitage of every branch of
learning-history, poetry, philosophy
politics, medicine, natural history.
criticism of the drama, the fine arts
and a rich fund of personal anecdote.
The author recorded whatever he
heard and the book is a veritable
quarry for classical quotations from
writers whose works have perished.
No less than 800 authors are quoted
from, on every conceivable subject.
There were hunorists in those
days using TIE same old jokes we are
laughing at today. One chapter is
made up of stories about great. eat
ers, gathered from all ages, told by
the after-dinner speakers. with
Lqurentius as POSTMASTER. There
were jokes credited to Aristophanes
humorist who lived 400 years be
fore the Christian era. He was
habitually funny, wrote comic plays,
and even perpetrated puns. He
dealt in ridicule. made fun of the
philosophy of Socrates, berlesqued
the poems of Euripides and was
forced into a bitter controversy with
Cleon, who failed to appreciate one
of his jokes.
Aristophanes is credited with some
of our best jokes, still in use.
In the third century Laertius com.
piled book of anecdotes. Socrates
was referred to as hen pecked by a
scolding wife, the fretfu Xanthippe.
When Alcibiades asked poor Socrates
how he stood it. he said; Il am &C.
customed to it, as to a constantly
creaking pulley" On one occasion
when Xanthippe had first reviled
Socrates and then drenched him
with pail of water, he said cheer
fully; Didn't | tell you it was
laundering and would soon rain"
No wonder the old fellow drank the
hemlock when he had a chance to
escape.
1t was Diogones who turned wag
and searched the streets of Athens
in day light with lighted lantern,
looking for an honest man.
Plato on one occasion made the
definition MAN is a two footed,
featherless animal" Diogones pluck
ed fowl and labeled it "Plato's
man." So Plato added to his defni-
tion with broad nails"
Laertius handed down the we'll
known motber-in-law joke. the poor
joke and other old friends
that are still coming back.