davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22
To the Electors of the CITY:

the fact that queries being made through the
newspapers propositions that be voted this City
have other desire than frankly discuss objections that
made affecting the welfare Of the City, hereby
eector whonoe having mind objection that he considers
wh seriously desires sound and conclusion
OF said with No. IS North Fifth
Street Monday "Wednesday Friday night o'clock
be glad discuss and explain fully all Of said the end that we
may all together for the Cs best Before endorsing these
carefully considered the C best and endorse
them only regard them the proposed
looking the up-bulding Of the Greater Keokuk
KEOkUk INDUSTRIAL ASSOCIATION
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22
When / Grew Up.


Wunst / thought
That like as not
When grew up
I'd like to be
A pirut on
The deep blue sea.
Then when
The men
,, Went to the races
And put the horses
Through their PAGES,
didn't care
Fer ball er hockey,
wanted fer
To be a jockey.
One day see
The soljiers march,
The jineral he
Was stiff as starch.
He rode a boss
And he'd sword,
And when he spoke
He yelled and reared
And all the soljiers
Hypered round
Quick as they heared
That awful sound.
Then Bill and me and Buster jim.
You bet we wanted to be him.
Then wunst saw
A midwest show
And leased my Paw
To let me CO.
And Buffalo Bill
He showed his skill,
The injins hollered fit to kill,
The cowboys raced
Around the tent
And chased the savages hell-bent.
Instead OF havin'
To be ploughboy
You bet wanted
To be cowboy.
And sometimes 1
Jest hate to try
To tell my folks the reason why
Instead of dom
Things like these
| took to raisin'
Honey-bees
When l grew up.
SPOKANE Spokesman-Re Review
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

Among the large conventions ana
meetings of the present week win be
the Lake Mohonk conference on inter.
national arbitration. the sessions of
the American Unitarian association
in Boston, the annual convention OF
the National Wholesale Grocers' as
ISOLATION. in Indianapolis. and the
meeting of the National Good Roads
congress, in Birmingham.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22
CART HAGE, ILL.
= - 80 . : 4

Miss Helen Hoover, of Basco, visit.
ed her grandmother, Mrs. Phoebe No
BILE, the past week
Mrs Will H. Davidson and children,
OF Burlington, are guests at the S. C.
Davidson home.
Thos. Lane is visiting his daughter
Mrs. Samuel Lyon, near Tina, Mo.
Miss Adele Buschling, of Warsaw,
was the guest of her sister Mrs. e. E.
McAdams, the past week.
Misses Veva Hecox and Florence
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

Illinois papers are citing Miss sar.
ali Cotton of Galesburg, whose death
occurred the other day, as one of the
few who had solved the question,
How to have and keep hired help"
She paid them generous wages and
treated them as if they were members
of her own family Miss Amelia Pet.
erson had been in her employ for
TWENTY-FIVE years, and Charles John.
son for twenty-three years. Four
years ago she went to Europe, taking
Miss Peterson with her.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

Just as the Democrats began to
feel like they had fighting chance
William Randolph Hearst comes along
and announces that he is back in the
party again. Was there ever such an
unlucky party in all the history OF
political organizations?
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22
Depressing.

We met the Early Bird and were
amazed on glancing at our watches
10 discover that the hour of seven had
long since struck You're not so
early. after all, we remarked, signifi
cantly No. assented the Early Bird
looking very conscious all at once
The fact is. got the hook worm
Puck
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

Evidence that Iowa is maturing as
a state Is given by the Burlington
Hawk-Eye. When Hon. Thomas
Hedge entered congress in 1899, he
and Congressman Lane, Cousins and
Smith were the only natives in the
Iowa delegation. Now there are six
Senator Kenyon and Congressman
Kennedy, Pepper, Pickett, Good and
Kendall.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

The annual convention of the Iowa
State Bar association will be held in
oskaloosa on Thursday and Friday,
June 30 and 80. 1t is claimed that the
gathering will have program that
has not been equalled in years in
point of excellence, and at the con.
vention and banquet will appear
many of the stellar legal lights OF
both state and national repute.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

Nature is doing its level best to
produce large crops and the politi.
clans at Washington are exerting
themselves to the utmost to lessen
their value.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

The Kentucky scheme for dissolv-
Ing the sugar trust is not without its
allurements. In brief, it contem-
plates the addition of water, bourbon
and a bit of lemon peel. The ortho.
doxy of the prescription will not he
questioned south of Mason's and
Dixon's line.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY,

Be cheerful and seek not external
help, nor the tranquility which others
give. A man must stand erect, not be
kept erect by others Marcus Azure
Illus.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

asking them to carry articles to be
discarded to brilliantly painted gar,
bage cans which the women had
placed about the city. The plan sue
ceeded.
Rain should be signal for flushing
! the streets and the employment of
more men on the thoroughfares in.
stead of hasty evacuation of them.
During heavy rains men should be. on
the streets with brooms and scrub
the pavement. The rain itself only
half does its duty.
Smoke prevention was another
thing which Mrs. Crane recommend
ed to the attention of the women. The
TACT that smoke superinduces diph-
liberia and infantile paralysis is reason
enough why it affects the women. The
women should work for the employ
ment OF an expert to show engineers
how to fire their boilers without the
unnecessary amount of gas and smoke
being spread out over the city. Rail
roads are able to stop the smoke
nuisance in tunnels and other places
where 1t Is to their own advantage.
They should be required to do the
same when it is to the interest of
the people
Fire protection afforded in the
cities is another thing which women
should interest themselves in, Mrs
Crane said. Inasmuch as the children
are being endangered by the FIRE
traps which are allowed about. cities
the women have their reason for in
quiring into these matters The
speaker cited examples of school
buildings and scent theatres where
conditions were conducive to fires
and where the chances for escape
were small
Finding sediment in the milk bot
tie should be the signal for investiga-
ton of that commodity. Milk, Mrs.
Crane stated, is one of the worst germ
carriers. With rise in temperature
the milk becomes a poison. One-flfth
of teaspoonful can house as many
as 100000 germs. We pay little
attention to them because we can't
see them. People often think milk
can only become dangerous in the
dairy 1t will spoil just as readily in
the home if the temperature is around
so degrees.
Conditions which surround the child
in the school should be known to the
women. In some places the little
children of FIVE and six years Of age
are sent into places where the light
shines in their eyes, thus doing i'm
injury to their sight. They
are placed in seats too high for them !
and their legs are allowed to bangle |
in the air, when they should have
solid place to rest upon. Children are
sent outside to dust erasers by slap
ping them together. When they
finish, Mrs Crane thinks, nearly all
the dust could be found in their cloth
ing Many other instances were cit /
ed wherein the supervision of women
would be of incalculable benefit.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

On the other hand, hot weather al
go developes rabies, insurgency and
other forms of madness. Even the in
surrectos in Mexico have other in
surrectos to bite 'em.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

The supreme courts decision is oil
right, whatever the Standard COM
pany thinks of It.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

Supplementary thought for the day:
Kill the fly or it may kill you.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22
Warning to Railroad Men.

=, > Bacon. II Bast ST., Bath, Me.
SENDS out this warning to railroaders:
a conductor on the railroad, my work
caused chronic inflammation Of tho
A,aheys' and ] was miserable and
an played out. A friend advised Foley
Money Pills and from the day com.
hehced taking them. I began to re-
gam my strength, The Inflammation
cleared and am far better than 1
nave oeen Tor twenty years. The
weakness and dizzy spells are a thing
OF Tie past and highly recommend
Foiey Kidney Pills" Wilkinson q Co.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1911-05-22

One Value Of the Pipe.
a pipe turns a fool into wise m,n:
1t keeps his mouth shut.
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
By George Fitch
The Author of Siwash College Tales

each new opera, but nowadays our nat
ural resources are conserved and the
same music is used in all of them. This
years operas use last years tunes
backwards. Next years operas will cut
the melodies in two and shuttle them.
Music IS now used chiefly 10 drown the
conversation of the chorus and to keep
the audience from hearing the words OF
the songs.
Most comic operas have also what Is:
called a hook. This consists Of the
conversation used by the principals. It
is written after the opera is completed
in order not to interfere with the spr-
ciGlties. 1t was done by the property
man until his duties became too in.-
portant 1t is now doEe by the call
boy
We approach the subject of the joke
in the comic opera. There are six origl-
nal comic orera jokes, all of which are
sttll in use. They are the informal king
joke, the stern father joke, the other
mans wife joke, the German accent
joke, the gloomy dungeon joke, and the
slangy- with-the-pancake-hat joke
Comic operas are also afflicted with
runs, 4 disease which was introduced
by Gilbert and Sullivan. The Joke ir
the comic opera is introduced TO keep
the audience from laughing at the tenor
in the love scene.
Comic operas are useful because they
keep our millionaire's sons so busy tbat
they have no time to learn tc organize
rev trusts.
Copyright. 1911, by George Matthew Adams.)
The Washington times., 1911-09-23

for no reason at all. The truth is,
last night Nora and me was out to
Skoodoo park. where they're thought
less enough to serve drinks that go
to the head.
They went to Nora's all right, and
before she got to bed she was so
careless as to break half a dozen
mirrors and a few other odds and
ends. OF course, 1t made a little
racket, but can't see as it was, any
thing to get sore about don't
blame Nora for refusin' to bulge this
morning when Mrs. Jones' obinson
gave her notice.
IT was lucky Mrs. Jones' robinson
called me In to help her out wasn't
IT? felt ii was partly my fault and
UP to me 10 square things. So l gave
Nora the wink.
Sure I'll arrest her II she don't
go" I says to Mrs. Jones' Robinson
There won't be any trouble about it.
! arrested a girl on'y last week for
refusin to be fired, and the Judge
sent her out o. the city and only
charged the missus $50 for his trou-
BILE"
Il guess maybe I'll give Nora an
other chance" says Mrs. Jones' Robin
son." Who says a lie never pays7
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
ACCORDING TO SAMMY

stop it he will heer frum me wen we
get hoam.
So l stopped it and then 1 went up
to the koon wich shines shoes and
sed, l bet 1 can stand avn my he'd
avn l of these chares. Meening the
chares peepil waite in until l of the
, barbirs ses, Neckst.
Bet You Kant
bet you kant, sed the koon, and
sed, / bet I can, and 1 did it. Awl
you haff 10 do is put yure hands avn
the arms of the chare and yure led
avn the lether sect. and enyboddy
can do il.
OwtCh, sed pop, you kut me. that's
, wat you did. you kut me. Meenins
the barbir.
EXkuse me. sed the barbir. l was
laffing at that boy of yures. Hes .
sirkus, he sed. and l haf to laf at
him.
Sammy. sed pop, very loud, 60
hoam and waite for me in the setting
room. l want to see w:ch Is funnyest,
you or a slippir kuming in contackt
: with the sect Of yure pants.
So l went hoam and told ma, and
she lafred moar than the barbir evin
and sed she woodent let pop see wich
was funnyest. wich she dident
The Washington times., 1911-09-23

hanged-if can stand it any long
err"
"Sit it, said the great detective,
waving the tailor toward a chair. It
took the great detective but the
fraction Of a second to deduce that
his visitor was a tailor-the knees Of
his trousers bagged so and his coat
didn't fit right about the shoulders.
I've never been able to keep a box
Of cigars two weeks said the tailor
angrtly, without suddenly finding
that some one has removed every
single cigar. doRst like to suspect
my wife, and, besides, I've never no.
ticed anything stronger than spear
mint and Ceylon tea on her breath
How many cigars do you smoke
a day." asked the great detective.
-Four" replied the tailor.
How many in a box?" asked the
great detective, and the tailor replied
Fifty
Just about two weeks, chr" re-
marked the great detective, point
edly.
With a guilty blush the tailor
sidled out the door and slid down the
'banisters so as not to make anV
noise.
The Washington times., 1911-09-23

They say a mans beerd grows
mostly at mite wen hes asleap. sed
pop to ma last mite.
Wy don't you kut out sleaptng and
save barbir expenses, sed ma
Wy don't you kut out these ubnox-
shus joaks and save the ware and
tare avn yure tung, sed pop. Eny-
way, he sed, l think III get shaved to
mite instead of in the moarning, jest
to see how my fase looks in the
noarning.
l can tell you how il looks in the
moarning without you going TO the
barbirs. sed ma Do you want to
heer.
Sertenly Not
Nobody asked you, sed pop, I'm 60
ing to the barbirs.
Can I go, to, l sed. and pop sed,
Yes.
While the barbir was putting lathir
avn pops Ease, which he does avn
account of not wanting to hert the
hares, l sed, Why do you put lathir
avn his nose, yure not going to shave
his noze. are you.
Sit down and keep kwiet, sed pop,
and the barbir lafTed so mitch he got
sum lathir in pops mouth and sed.
Gosh. that's a funny boy of yures' Mr..
Tawker. Wich 1 am.
Wen the barbir got awl the lathir
avn he wantid to get avn, he startid
to shave pop. and I rubbed my fingir
awl over my fase Jest like as II l
was lathiring my self. wfch I wasn't,
and the barbir began to laff agen.
For the love OF safety, kwit that
shaking. sed pop to the barbir. do
you want to kut me.
han to laff at that boy of yures,
sed the barbir, wat do you stppose he
is doing now.
( don't no. sed pop, but IL he don't
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
Vest Pocket ESSAYS
Drawn for The washingtea Times.


tirely surrounded by costumes.
II necessary, the joke may be
omitted and more costumes
added.
Next to the moving picture show the
comic opera is the chief boon of the
deaf man. 1t is constructed by stage
manager with an eye for beauty and a
press agent with an eye for truth-a
weather eye. The stage manager hires
the chorus, costumes them-negatively
and teaches them how to dance, play
football, walk on their hands. scratch
their ears with their toes, ride in auto
mobiles, and turn their mash notes over
to the press agenpt. The life of the
chorus girl is very hard one, and most
of them are compelled to retire on their
incomes at an early age.
The chorus in the comic opera is as
sisted by. q comedian or prima donna
whose business 1t is to furnish name
for the headlines in the playbills. The
chorus attends to the headlines IN the
newspapers. The comedian is so called
because of the costume which he wears.
a good comedian will often wear ccs-
tune with as many as fifty distinct
laughs in it. The clowns costume was
once popular. but has been abandoned
as too conventional in late years.
The scenery is also an important part
The Washington times., 1911-09-23

was the most draught. that Gaby Des-
lys Is getting into print again"
And I see," remarked the stage door
Keeper, without any show Of interest.
that stttin' In that draught amt soin'
TO help Gaby any. and it's goin' to make
you mighty uncomfortable for tomor-
rows rehearsal
The stage-struck youth shifted his mo-
sition' propped his feet up against the
wall. after which he calmly drew forth
a pack OF cigarettes from one pocket
and box Of matches from the other.
Yep, Kid, went on the stage door
keeper, she's comm to America to
captivate them with her talent. and
from all reports has got tho goods"
you bet she's got the goods" put In
the stage-struck youth, as he took a
long draw from his cigarette. Sixty
frocks. sixty hats. sixty pairs Of shoes
and slippers, sixty pairs of silk stock
inss' nst full Of pearls-and a lot of
other merchandise thatn fill about
forty-three trunks and carload
OF other junk not mentioned"
No Advertising
You forget, kid" added the stage
doorkeeper. shes bringin' her coat Of
arms and Is gettin' a automobile given
to her and will have a coachman and
chauffeur wearin' her livery. And
she makes this modest statement to the
public so they won't think her extrava-
CANT. Great modest statement, thatr
And" muttered the stage-struck
youth, she's goin to get $4,000 a
month for three months-in all, $4,000
Pretty soft at that and me workin' my
head off for SIS q week
"Strangest part is, though, that
woman don't know a good advertise
ment when she's got It. Here she's
gone and made the statement that IL
her manager uses King ManuePs name
to advertise her. she'll quit and hike it
back TO her dear Paris She's cuttin'
off her own nose, with that statement. g"
Kid" patiently broke in the stage
! doorkeeper, "ain't told you before to
use your nut before maxim rash state
ments? Gaby amt cuttin of her nose
nuthin' Of the kind.
"Gaby's got all the advertisin' out of
King Manuel's name that she can safely
rcarry-that's the reason she's gettin'
S1S, 900 a month, Is havin' an automobile
given to her, end is bringin' a modest
amount Of wearin' apparel with herr"
The Washington times., 1911-09-23

down the house every night.
Or that's little too eommonHor him. he could George
in the big stick and Dustin the
colonel could have reg1ar compy
porting easy enough Everything vaudeville
Here's Nobby Idea
maybe attracted glare
lights Well why govement department O large
enough families make Colonel Roosevelt chief of it?
If did that Belle I'll bet within years the birth
would such we'd have send half the
they FROM and buildin school houses all
the SOS they'd be ready in time They could fix
with five children wouldn't
pay any taxes, every
10 pay his butcher bills
tell Belle with Colonel Roosevelt chief the national
enough families national bird would be the stor
the national would be the baw and the national would
dodgin' tacks midnight the o
maybe after all, Belle we'd make him president
he don't president
hey all
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
Entirely Too Formal.

"Why this endless procession OF young
men?'
"Oh, my daughter is very irritating.
Every time she gets herself engaged
she makes a formal affair OF 1t. and
sends the young men to call on me. -
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
A Touchdown By
The HumOr Eleven
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY

''It vas a moment of intense excite
mentr' Solly Dirtyberg declared
There vas lin the biggest showroom
at Selfridge's>vhe without word or
varnin', the whole o. the electric light
goes out: the whole place Is as black
as Sheolv'
And What did We getT' asked Shik-
kerstein, dispassionately.
"Accha Nebbish!' groaned Dirtyberg,
'T vas in the grand pianner depart
ment"'-The Pink I'm.
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
Terminal Facilities.

Borus-I wrote the closing chapters
Of that last novel of mine while l was
spending Saturday and Sunday at n
summer resort up in Wisconsin.
Naggus-That accounts for Its weak
ending.-Chicago Tribune.
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
Saved.

lady--Yes, I've an umbrella that needs
n,ending: but now am l to know that
you will bring 1t ba *?
Umbrella Meader-Hlve no fear, mum,
] allus charges mere for mendin' than I
could sell the Umbrella for.-Red Hen.
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
Not If He Knew 1t.

THAT was a nice game YOU played on
that girl in not showing up at the
church when you were to be married to
her."
"weI, it wasn't a tie game. New
York Press.
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
A Foreigner.

Mr. Vanderkase-Vy you gall me a
foreigner, Ell? I no more foreigner dan
yourselfs
Mr.. McCork-Hear tn shpalpeen! Any
one moight think he'd been born in
Oirland,-Exchange
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
Rubbing It In.

Patient (angrily)-The size of your bill
makes my blood boil. ~
Doctor-Then that will be $2o more
for sterilizing your system.-Boston
transcript.
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER

81 see," said the stage-struck youth.
brow and seated himself where there
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
A Beach Tragedy.

I'VE have missed the train. We
shall have to stay aver a day."
"Horrorsi I only had eighteen gowns
and we have been here eighteen days
Now I shall have to wear some dress
twice!"-Exchange,
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
Had The Idea.

well. little boy. did you go to the
circus the other day?"
"Yes'm. Pa wanted to go, so had
to go with him. kansas City Jour-
nal '
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
Our Policeman Says,
He Is a Diplomat

Some women IS unreasonable. Nora
Flynn is ss good a cook as ever got
her German accent in Cork. so no
wonder she sort Of objected when
Mrs. Jones-Robinson tried to FIRE her
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
Usual Thing

What news have you heard from
your wife?" asked the neighbor.
Nothing, except that she needs
money again." replied the lonely hus-
band.
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
lust Alone

Can see you apart for a mo-
mentr'
You mean alone, don't your
Exactly. I want a loan OF fver."
The Washington times., 1911-09-23

gone smiling today, glad
cook old dear that she patted shoulder and
said high time and brought for
cheeks"
philosopher pans brong irons learned
life and she laid them today, while
starch fine embroidered shirtwais
Ended In Burnt Fingers
first said very seriously
would like life,
usually ended burnt fingers and when the old
all sticky with starch and stuck scoded
with unconscious humo that duty
the this world,
make things smoothly And believe
mother for she does apply the of patience of thought
and Of knowledge TO the household and makes smoothly
the iron did after cook had showed how it
OF being appreciate that thought,
home will with the application
might add that the proved equally effective
shwaist and looks lovely and I'm dadfy
washed and oned myself.
why girl learning little house.
hold things? 1t that thought
the clean clothes that fresh began
to learn the and the that their doing
proud of knowing how proud than ability
play the embroider; but think
of what these little lessons stand ormy efforts become
housewife, because l am
My Culinary Efforts
thought everything Back of nv strup-
giles with the difficulties of household booeepng
hours of that perhaps the happest day. the
thread with dre and stitch of
the future. . -
Oh what wonderful thing look forward isn't
it, Even better than looking back although the
growing then he
but know differently rather compI
Gated but look into heart DEAR and
Love FROM H
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
The indispensable Boy

Caller-How Is your new office boy
getting along these days?
Lawyer-Oh, fine. He's got things
SO mixed up now, that I couldn't get
along without him.
The Washington times., 1911-09-23

of comic opera. A very comic opera
will sometimes carry ten carloads Of
scenery. The scenery Is very popular
because it does not sing or dance and
seldom insists on being encored.
There Is also music in comic opera.
Originally, new music was written TOT
The Washington times., 1911-09-23
The Cigar Case; Or,
Have Mae or Havana

I'm an easy going man." thun-
dered the wrathfuI visitor. but I'll
be hinged mean henged-I meaI