Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1911-01-05
What Fashion
Does


Just at tea.time. I'm my present con.
dition need strengthening
You don't LOOK particularly fra.
gile," scoffed the hostess. What's
the trouble?"
Hats" said the visitor sepulchral
ly. There really isn't any use Of say
Ing any more than that one word, but
l am so filled with emotion that I've
got to get It out of my system. For
the last two years every time I've
gone to buy a hat I've had to be resus-
citated with kind words and the as
surance that they never can be worse
than they are now, so hope onl' But
at last I've given up hope.
Il fully expect that some day when
go to buy a hat the lovely golden
haired salesperson will trot out a
baby grand plano with its insides ex-
cavated and fringe of tin cans
around the edge and laughingly tell
me it's the 'vur-ry latest style That's
about the only thing they haven't sold
us in the guise of headgear! We've
worn cartwheels and peach baskets
and bushel baskets and pancakes on
our benightsd heads and we're pretty
well trained and humble and all that
but today almost finished me!
"You see, If you can get used to-
this winters hats gradually the shock
isn't so bad but when they burst
upon you in one overwhelming ex-
plosion with no warning it may be
almost fatal.
"All summer and fall rye been over
in a Michigan summer resort, where
we didn't wear hats at all. You rather
forget that there are such things, to-
gether with trolley cars and city
noises. l saw pictures of hats in the
newspaper advertisements, but some
how they didn't seem real-they were
merely bad dreams. But today, when
l really tackled the question, l woke
up with bumpl Why, the things
are reall They actually do exist
Il wandered around one hat depart
ment and my spirits kept getting low
er and lower. l don't know when I've
felt so sad-not since my French
poodle choked to death on chicken
bone! When the polite clerks asked
me mechanically If l was waited on
just waved them away speechlessly.
1t was all l could do to bear up I'M
der the strain without bursting into
bitter tears. Most of the hats were
just like sections of overgrown stove
pipes and apparently were designed
to cover you up completely to your
neck. OF course this saves a lot of
time in dressing the hair, because any
couture is completely ruined and
smashed by putting on the things.
Ali over the department l could see
distracted customers with their locks
streaming wild and free, just like
inmates of a lunatic asylum. These
people looked as though their heads
had been sat on and without excep-
ton their faces indicated that they
had just heard bad news from home
Would you like to try It on?' a
clerk murmured at my elbow
Il was holding in my hand a wad
OF gloomy velvet with frizzled rose
bud attached to one edge. II appealed
to me as a daring and dubious under
taking, so got under the hat. The
effect would have moved a heart of
stone, but that woman never winked
an eyelash. She even went the length
of saying 1t was 'chawming!' Then
she caught my accusing eye and has
tened to hedge.
"'You know she said soothingly,
vOt, araptf o~paokod 90 bo.-o
hair this season. You are allowed
only one eye and part of nose. At
least, that is all that is visible after
your hat is clamped on. Really, when
you get used to 1t. 1t isn't so bad!'
Il reminded her sternly that they
say one can get used to hanging in
time. From that hat we went from
bad to worse. At the tenth 1 muir
INJURED to the clerk: DO look like
that in this?'
"she glanced over at the customer
whom | indicated. The customer had
just put on an extinguisher with gold
braid and dewdad. II hid her head
clear below her ear on one side and
on the other the bria extended until
it trailed on her shoulder and you
could see Just the tip of her nose out.
side It.
THAR" asked the clerk. evidently
taking my tone for one OF envious
awe. "Oh, my, yes! Only more sol' |
Then take this away told her.
violently. because | have. relatives
with family pride and they are capa- |
BILE Of walling me up alive In the |
cellar TO hide their disgrace II / go |
home looking like thatl'
"'But you've got TO be In style! |
she demonstrated. There's no use
buying a new hat that looks like three |
years back. and. besides. there aren't |
any in stock but this kind! So what
are you going to do? You can't help
yourself!
"sEyen So l told her. oh III /