davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19

anywhere Il had declined to follow the
boat The sun. however. was as continu-
ally on the job as brand new office boy.
DO you know what I feel like?' the
Hopeful Housewife observed sepulchrally,
after they had Travelled interminable
miles. AS il that old man were Charon
taking us across the river Styx, but that
instead OF landing us in the cool, shady
realms of the pagan Pluto he was steering
straight for a forty gridiron hell!"
The Confirmed Commuter groaned. This
was highbrow talk and, added to the tenn
perature, was almost lntolerable.
After an hours trip, during which the
boat went out of its course every few
minutes to land a barrel of cider or take
on a case of empty beer bottles, they
reached the hotel.
1t was dismal building OF brown stucco.
suggesting in it's treeless exposure to the
mid Afternoon sun that II had been cooked
brown in that sizzling frying pan-the
Hiawatha valley.
Laxnding at last they dragged themselves
into a deserted dining room
Dinners overi" said the pert waitress.
Supper won't be ready for two hours.
No maam; no milk, no buttermilk, we're
all out of ginger ale. might let you have
bottle OF pop"
But the Confirmed Commuter had fed
Waving his wife's violet sunshade, he
signaled frantically to the departing boat
man, who stopped and permitted his recent
passengers to crawl aboard.
In four hours" sighed the Confirmed
Commuter weakly but happily, wen be
back home. where it's cool and clean and
we can have everything we want to eat
and drink Look your last upon Lake Hia-
watha," he added dramatically. you car
never drag me here again."
Copyright, 1911, by the N. Y. Herald CO.
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19

: One OF your kind met a man once who
was her match. She sat behind him at
the theater and observed his huge ears.
Mercy Look at that mans ears?'
she exclaimed with the carelessly distinct
speech OF the chronic Took at that girl.
She continued to exclaim and remark till
her escort trembled lest the man in front
was preparing a return for all her objec-
tionable attention.
Again she burst out, did you ever see
such earsl'
The man turned. He spoke.
Madame, you must be tired of such
prolonged contemplation OF my ears! Have
look at my nose for a change" and he
rose and faced her. calmly submitting his
feature TO her scrutiny Till the curtain
was rung up.
She nearly died Of embarrassment. What
a pity the same MISREPRESENTATION method
cannot be tried on you!
Copyright. 1911. by the N. Y. Herald Coz
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19

you hiss into her ear.
You act as IL there were a certain clever
ness in your having detected the nose; and
by the right of discovery you have achieved
the privilege of exploitation. Your com
panion is in a cold sweat of fear lest the
already afflicted man should be made more
miserable by your rudeness.
Eyes, yes know" she says, without
turning her gaze toward the man and with
vain notion OF shutting you up.
But you are not the shutting-up kind.
You insist upon her seeing the sight you
have to display.
''No, you don't see the one mean. He's
over there, the second from the front end.
Just look at his nosel Isn't It awfulT'
you continue, with a fervor of expression
that makes your voice carry painfully.
The girl with you suffers the. embar-
rassment that you have not the sense to
feel She is finally forced. as a last resort
and with the hope Of silencing you, to turn
and look. Every one around the two OF
you is making the mplimentary mental
comments which her sensitive Imagination
can easily picture. She feels Inundated.
But you-why, you are enjoying your
self
You have caught sight of novel trim
ming on the gown OF lady opposite.
Just look at that braid-the way It's
put on. Odd. isn't It? Do you like it?' you
/ ask
OF course the braided lady knows you
are talking about her. And 1t makes her
nervous. She shifts and squIrms and tries
! to look unconscious. And your companion
registers a solemn vow never to go out
with you again.
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19

upon anything. You are a nice boy, but
you have no decision.
He: Oh, you can't get me huffy. Give me
little time. I'll plan something good
original. You know 1 got up the circus
for Van Antlers last year, and think OF
the run 1t had. Trust me. Well, what do
you say7
She (sparing around at him): Can't you
make love?
| He growing more self-conscious): Sure
can. ought to know how. But ! didn't
suppose you Why, II isn't the thing
somehow II doesn't seem to lit in. You
know I think the world OF you, Ollie. I'm
just crazy about you-you ought to know
that Qn a hurt tone).
She: American fellows are all the same.
They don't know. Why, the worst little
bounder of a Frenchman can give you
cards and spades-and one actually be-
lieves himl -'
He: What do you want me 10 dor
she-Thats q lovely question to ask
don't want you to make love. please, just
because I spoke OF it. didn't really mean
It, any way.
He eagerly: Well, what do you say.
dearie. 10 II a go7
She: why, my dear boy, you don't read
the papers. do your
He: What do you mean7
She gushing over a newspaper): Here's
my engagement announced TO Lord JeffIss
You might have heard 1t at the club, IL
you had asked.
He (blankly looking at the notice; then
recovering slightly. in a frow'n); Why didn't
you tell, me this before2
] She: Why. my dear boy! How did know
that you were in love with met l saw you
almost every day, and you never even
mentioned the matter.-Thomas L. Mason
In Lppincotts.
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19
Nubs of knowledge

In the Bible the word "girp' occurs but
once.
canaries have been known to live twenty
one years.
Central America has no fewer than ninety
active volcanoes.
Nearly $4,000 worth of articles are
pawned in London weekly.
1t is unlawful in Norway for women and
girls to serve In public houses.
There are thirty tunnels more than q
mile long on English railways.
Ten days per annum is the average
amount Of sickness in human life.
Jupiter was known as a plannet to the
Chinese and Chaldeans in 600 B. c.
Sugar was discovered in the East indies
by Nearchus. admiral OF Alexander. in S25
B. c.
Pistols were invented at Pistoja, Italy,
and were first used by English cavalry
men in 1874
| 1t is said that Anthemius Greek archi-
J tect and mathematician. knew the power
OF steam in 5S2.
ST Paurs cathedral The first one was
built A. d. %.
| a.
plan OF secrecy. No windows are visible
from the streets.
The hawk flies at the rate OF $50 miles
per hour: the elder duck. ninety; the rock
sixty. and the pigeon. fifty.
ventriloquism is a very ancient art. II
was first described In Us B. c. Greeks
ascribed # to the operations OF demons.
! A pair OF gloves passes through about
| 900 hands from the moment the skin leave:
the dresser until the gloves are purchased
by the intending wearer.
The oldest system OF stenography extant
was devised in 14l2 Shorthand writing was
practiced by the ancients. but their method
has not been handed down TO moderns.
Americas first theater was opened at
Williamsburg. Va, on September s. ns2-
New York city.s first playhouse was in
Nassau street. where performances began
in l75a
Fireworks were invented in Europe Cat
Fioroncs. italy, In lSoo. and were exhibited
as a spectacle In lbsS. Pyrotechny Il alsn
said TO have been praetieed BY the Chinese
IN remote AseA ~ Il
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19
Bachelor on the Claim

Editor OF The Bee Mag asanec Page: whiie
/ was quite Interested IN the exchange OF
compliments you have printed from "A
Staid Matron" and "C1ementina Wall
flower" things at home here kept me
about as busy as cared to be; hence this
silence of mine. One Of the things that
puzzles me, even more than the modern
development Of strange fashions for wo-
amen, Sthe fact that the dry weather has
Nd a bad effect on my frogs Some OF
thNl haven't learned to swim yet, al
thouGs they are old enough to have gene
10 market before thfs, and would have
gladdened some eplcttes palate and
brought home money TO me. OF course,
tho ponds are. not as fulI and fresh as they
mid int be. and. Rs y was hoped they would
bed when first l. started the frog farm, and
th,N only reason anyone hereabouts can &C
coue ~ for the slowness Of my frogs in learn
ing to swim and get in condition for the
table is that they need rain as bad as the
grain does. Ws haze had q little moisture
lately, but not enough. One sodhouse hui
morist was SO mean a. to say TO me, at
the postoffice, that the frogs were waiting
to see IL the reciprocity treaty will pass.
The people in this section went twenty
five miles to a point on the Cheyenne river
saw such celebration n JAIL my life. The
time was spent In round and square dane
ing, broncho bHsting and pony racing. and
upheld the honor OF Nebraska by winning
n fifty-yard foot race. Both whites and
Indians took part ~ the whole show.
also won the waltZing contest. with a
PIattsmouth girl for a partner, and Their
Nebraska was proclaimed TO the skies The
dancing began al A y. m. and We kept II
up until 5,o'cloel0 next morning. ana Their
had TO ride twenty-five miles home. and
no smooth road, eitheN Which brings tC
=. mind. that the sqQaws OF the Cheyenne In
isn- reservation have a quite. graceful
style of, dress of their, OWn. which out her'
looks all righksq Somebody might do worse
than COPY thN.piGtunesaue dresses worn BY
some Of the young Indian women.
What's the use Of alarEeling about dress
anyway Z Ally father used TO tell Of an OLE
man who eamssto -TaFkio away back In the
early days yShe~saw-th first pair of lonl
trousers. worn by some man of advanced
IDEAS absUt AGO. He said when folks saw
the tubes" on that brave man they mad,
ali hIRds OF tuH of ham, and today We hay,
our little fling at the man who weaTl
knee breeehes-. Let the women wea-
trousers II they want to. like Mrs. Bel
nlonts tarmeTetteS- DO. II strikes me thsJ
could be OF lots more use. especially on
farm. AZ they would discard the skirts. AM
We would, set used TO II in time.
since, tbs GTain eFop looks SO unpromis
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19

ing this season, have been engaged on an
Invention to prevent hens scratching up
gardens and have one old biddy almost
ready for the insane pen by the expert
ments / have tried on her; but one con-
clusion reached is that chickens have
brains, or something that serves the same
purpose. That hen plays tricks that could
not be figured out by brainless animal
nohow. II my invention pans out. me back
to Omaha TO take il easy.
It's too hot and conditions are toe
bothersome, to attempt an argument on
"Bachelorhood versus Married Bliss" but
won't someone kindly inform me IL It Is
necessary for frogs to know how to swim
in order to be fit for the market?
Ash Creek Line. ISAAC,
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19
Saving Money.

A northern woman with philanthropio
symptoms was trying to instil little econ
only into her husbands tenants, One Of
them, an anti-race-suicidist, kept a colored
girl as nurse to her group Of ten growing
American citizens
MARY remarked the woman. do you
think a woman in your circumstances can
afford q nurse2"
IT dunno'm. as I kin, but I DON'T pay
her but Is cents month. an pays dat
in ole cloes, and"-with a wide smile
''she don't git demi"-IAppincotts
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19

F1R. ROONEY ROCKS -
The EMINENT FlNANclER
\ SKtAI AoENlRe3 or Mss KITTY
IN HIS ADVICE TO YOUNG PUeS
5 AID The PRINCIPAL RULE FOR
TM SUCCESS IS WHENEVER I
GET M TEETH INTO A GOOD
THlNG,i NEVER LET GO I"
WELL IT ISN'T eVERrooS THAT
HAS TEETH LIKE Mr. ROOMS.
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19
Quickwitted.

An Irishman recently found himself in a
bad predicament when. in attempting to
evade the onslsughts Of savage dog. as
slstance came in the shape Of his wife.
When the woman came up. the dog had
fastened his teeth in the calf OF her hus-
bands leg and was holding on for dear
life. Selling a stone In the road. the Irish
mans wife was about to hurl Il, when the
husband. with wonderful presence or mind,
shouted:
Mary Mary Don't throw the stone
at the dogl Throw It at me!"-Lippincott
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19
"Offhand" Work.

A young woman prominent in the social
set Of an Ohio town tells OF a young man
there who had not familiariEed himself with
the forms Of polite correspondence to the
fullest extent. When, on one occasion, he
found IL necessary to decline an invitation,
he did 80 in the following terms:
''AIr. Henry Blank declines with pleasure
Mrs. Woods invitation for the nineteenth.
and thanks her extremely for having given
him the opportunity OF doing so.--LAppin-
colts. lk.EiAk7N NiA X
Omaha daily bee., 1911-07-19

Fireworks were invented In Europe Cat
FIorenos. Italy, in 1884. and were exhibited
as a spectacle in lSsS Pyrotechny IL alsO
said 10 have been prseueed By the Chinese
In remote ageA 4FT -
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-07-04

what wonderful success ! have had,
seven years on the stage and already
leading woman"
Yes. but does II satisfy?" he
asked searching her face with his
handsome dark eyes.
You dear old Boyd, OF course
can't make you understood You men
prate Of superior reasoning powers,
but you nave 10 own up that women
Will ever remain an enigma. | Just
couldn't be contented back In Prairie
City. I must have q wider horizon. "
Quickly his glance took in every
detail OF ler pleasant suite OF rooms,
one OF the best that the hotel afford
ed--then travelled back to her
"Maddy, so ! must go home with
another refusal | had let myself
dream NJ a different outcome Your
father will be grieved Before | left.
he came 20 me with tears in his eyes
10 bid me godspeed II you could have
seen how he looked that day. you
would not be sending me away He
told me that It was the greatest de-
sire OF his heart. your giving up the
stage 10 marry me"
There was q quayer In Boyd Lam
bert's voice which Maddy was quick
to catch, though her eyes filled with
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-07-04

When Dr. Lambert returned Mad
dy went up TO see her iGther lie was
asleep. The pale, wan lice startled
her and her eyes filled suddenly. How
different was this thin old man from
the stalwart, robust doctor she had
met last fall.
Dr. Lambert brought her a chair.
She sank into II and waited flye min
utes or more-it seemed ages before
her father stirred. then opened his
eyes. His gaze fastened itself imme-
diately upon her. There came over
his kind old face o look of unutter-
able JOY. as he made a motion that
Boyd understood.
Reaching for a pad of paper and q
pencil on the table, he handed them
to DR.. Morfle In the meantime,
Maddy had risen and was pressing
kiss after kiss upon her fathers
cheek
Slowly the pencil moved over the
paper 1t was such a painful effort.
Then when It was finished he gave II
to Maddy
Dear faddy II gives me great,
great .oy TO have YOU home. God
bless you. NV hearts desire you
know II Boyd and are waiting"
The paper fell from Maddy's hand.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-07-04

"sbAg ! do now? I'll Just have 70
= ~, Waiting was for Peggy ne
S..sjvH thing In the world.
"rssently her mind vent back 70
tn, problem OF the hour. mat&r
r1hey are both fine fellows, be-
eve love them both / wopder
which. one loves me betteri 4, y
u have Il. whichever one nnds
me I'll have. or course, the one lovts
best will hunt hardest simply can't
make up my mind and ! must marry
some one. She shuddered at the
awful possibility of the fate to which
she had declared her life not an hour
before. ri itt. " w,
II can't be an old maid!" To q. girl
OF Peggy's age nothing could seem
moro horrible. ksslb
.I wonder which will come tirot."
sho yawGed 'lf It's Roland bet Ne
won't dig me out for fear OF soiliu6
his raimcnt anyway It's up 20 them"
Upon which thought. tired from
her ride and worry. she fell, fast
asleep fortunately before she had time
to think Of toads or snakes.
She was awakened by voices when
II was quite dark She felt 20
cramped and cold she could scarcely
contrive to peck one eve cautiously
above ground, Jack and Roland were
talking together Roland had a lap-
tern, by the light Of which she could
see he looked pale and worn.
"I've been searching for her ever
since dark" Roland was saying II
come back after a parcel ! had ior-
gotten To find Delia In Mysteries
Where can she be?" K..ss,l.
She's all right" declared Jack.
Are you sure? DO you knowf"
gasped Roland coaerly. tf
81 don't know, OF course. but | feel
sure. I'm off to the lodge, but if,she
isn't found when | get out I'll turn
to and hunt. BY the way. arent
YOU coming?" 80 . o..
20. no. must find her" s.si ,.sr
A head shot out OF the ground at
the very feet of the astonlshed gen.
tlemen head whose ayes glafed
balefully at Jack a., ,t6s (
"Of course he's got to find me be-
cause I'm going TO marry him, = it,
said. -4 a.tN .4y
Whereupon Roland completely dis
proved her theory that he would not
come near her on account OF ths dift,
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-07-04
TELLING FATHER

sudden moisture, it was for but a
moment, Calmly she looked out at
the smoky roofs of the city, She
was trying to think Of some way TO
meet his purposely touching appeal.
Father has Margaret to look after
him"
"Yes, and Margaret Is good and
kind, but you were always his pet !"
Il get home twice a year to see
him, and then my salary helps won
derfully. Doctors haven't a reputa-
tion for being good business men.
Father has thousands OF dollars on
his books that he vii never get
"Maddy, | must be going. Il Is
getting near my train time" he in
terrupted, rising IF you eveg
change your mind remember that
there is O heart and home waiting
for YOU In Prairie City"
Madeline arose and extended her
hand. you are so very, very kind "
"Goodby, Maddy"
"Goodby."
she was lad the painful interview
was over, yet with a woman's per-
yerseness she regretted its short du-
ration. That night after the per-
formance she dreamed that she had
gone back TO Prairie City aud was
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-07-04

rey. After warm greetings Margaret
and Madeline drove home.
Father had a very bad stroke of
paralysis. He can't speak," Marga-
ret whispered.
Cant he live?" asked Maddy,
breathlessly.
Boyd says that he won't live
through the night" said Margaret
brokenly.
I'VE must bear up, dear" com
forted Madeline, though her own
heart was heavy.
Phey were nearing the old home--a
big white house with old-fashioned
garden in front Margaret gave
Daisy to Billy Anson, a neighbors
boy, and arm in arm she and Made
line went up the walk to the house.
On the porch steps, they met DR..
Lambert, a trlfe older looking than
when Maddy had last seen him.
I'm in a hurry, Maddy. have
to go TO the office, but III be back In
minute"
Margaret stood short distance
from Maddy during this BRIEF conver-
sation. The actress thought the eX-
preston In Margaret's eyes was un-
mistakable; her sister was in love
with Boyd.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-07-04

all men--they're Just alike-be' s.Ni
I'll he an old maid with a c.,. t-A
and things and then they'll b. SOL
ry," she ended rather vaguely
Peggy went to the top OF the stars
and called Della. No answer.
"Della!" A tangible silence.
"Dee-lia!" yelled Peggy forgetting
to be elegant.
Lord, Miss Peggy, whatever is the
matter. and me down cellar tryin, to
get the grease outer your petticoat
after that ortermoblle."
Never mind. Della" sighed Peggy.
~ just wanted You to run out in
the garden and gather me a few
flowers to wear. Since you're so
busy I'll go myself"
Flowers Is it," grrnted Della,
whc adoring PeSty and the soul
Of good hd~o. re" N"theless felt
Obliged to do a ,ertain amount Of
grumbling.
Out In the Garde, Peggy shifted the
air with del. ch a perfect day
how wonderful oil the flowers
looked--how.---
The soliloquy ended suddenly.
There was cTeaI sea grinding,
then the earth apparen ys opened and
swallowed her. FG - n was
too dazed to think, II tE.p & any
moment to be blown ! !. D. ned
down. AS nothing furth N 2 ed.
however, she began to take account Of
stock
She remembered there had been an
old well that had been boar ger
sodded UP and forgotten until the psy-
Geological moment when II chose tu
break Open laning poor Peggy buried
up to her neck, and though quite un-
hurt, also utterly unable TO get out.
"Of all the ridiculous situations -
she groaned with tears OF vexatlor in
her eyes. Here am. just like those
tortured Fiji islanders or something; (;
II any one sees me I'll die, and IL they
don't, of course I'd die just the same.
o, Della! Della. Yah. OF course she
won't hear me. Deeeee-lian'
Spying a male figure approaching
she dropped hastily from sight. She
simply could not bring herself TO call
for help from an unsympathetlc and
possibly humorously inclined strang-
er.
What on earth, or rather in
earth," she giggled hysterically.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-07-04

though 7 must say like his being so
polite to everyone, even to Della. and
he's very kind. IL marry him II will
he the automobile that did II. o,
that telephone? It's always ringing
just when want to think.
Hello"
"Oh, hello, Roland"
"Yesi"
This afternoon at 2? All right"
"Therel / am all a-quiver at this
asking me to go. | knew II was the
auto and poor darling old Jack shan't
be left because he's only clerk. I'll
tell Roland this afternoon"
Promptly at 2 Peggy was ready, ar
rayed in a fetching veil and other
garments which looked very good to
the man in the. machine.
The day was lovely; the car ran
perfectly: Roland. at no time volu-
BILE talked not at all. leaving her free
TO enjoy the scenery and the dreams
always claroring az the back OF the
brain on a beautiful day in spring.
(which would be very nice" quoth
Peggy mentally. III didn't suspect
him Of not being able TO think OF
anything else TO say"
They stopped at the farm house for
milk. The children all rushed out.
clambering over Roland to demand
another story from him. "They do
seem to like him" thought Peggy.
Then they we're off again, the auto
skimming along the road, purring ike
some enormous cat.
Miss Peggy abruptly began Ro-
land
Dear me, It's coming" cried Peg
gy mentally. She was in a panic.
Miss Peggy. | wish you'd marry
me you know, I'd do everything In
ms power to make you happy. I'd
lust give my whole life to II. You
know / haven't anyone else so I'd
have all my time for IT. Don't you
think perhaps | could?" The tone
was so wistful that Peggy had to steel
her heart against H..
I'm sorry Roland, but ! don't love
you I'm the least. not in the least, al
/ though you are rich; and love with
out mean marriage without love
is n crime against er--well. anyway,
Roland. don't love you 80 that's all
there is TO Il.
She ended her carefully planned
speech lamely, feeling so vlrtuous
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1911-07-04
assSSSzE6Sslg true II Love

said smiling gally. "You are seated
In the lap OF the court OF juetice. Tne
case OF Carter vs. Chesterfield is 10 pc
tried before her honor, the chaperons
What has the defendant TO sayg"
"He knows I do not like him to 80
driving with Betty Burnett, and.
"she promised me never to- 80 orh
with Jackson he interrupted. ~
"silencei" commanded the chap
eron. The defendant only must
speak"
pm the defendant" v a
"Im the defendant" HW
you're not" M Nj
81 am" "a
The chaperon looked az both Of
them severely. "The dignity OF tho
court must be upheld" she said. II
command you both TO be SILENT" .Et
For n brief second the young folln
glanced at each other In open hos
tility. as
"Dicky has told me-" Mira. Dris-
coll continued THAT he Is 80 iniaera1.
ble-his love for you makes him 90
unhappy he contemplates migrating
to Timbustoo for peace Of mind"
THAT wasn't what said" explod-
ed Dicky. fttst.
my dear Young man" the chap-
eron said. words count as nothing.
That was what your manner com
veyed." "a
Dlckey growled. tgTi
"And again. Mrs Driscolk con-
tinued. Marion says she abhofe Mf.
Jackson. You are the only man she
loves"
81 never" began Marion fhri-
ously us
rSilence!" again commanded Mrs.
Driscoll. Words but inadequateiy
express {. oughts ofNeelings."
Dlcky leaned forward. You
know" he said, "that don't caro,a
rap about Bcity."
"And L." Marion blushed, "pon-
lively hate Mr.. Jackson" fath.f.l
The chaperon Kissed Marion. cu both
checks and ratted Dlcky on the back.
"Thc case 90 true love-" she whisp-
cred, 'ne@er did mean srttYod
amicaliy ont Of court" She arose
and entered tho hotel.