Norwich bulletin., 1911-11-23
SPENCER WROTE OF HIS
 STRONG IMPULSES.
Wishes He Had Told Them 19 Years
 Ago, He Declares to Cousin.


 Spencers letter written in York street jail to his cousin. Mrs. Mart land, in California, is as follows: Dear Cousin Nettie: It's time I sat down and wrote you a long letter, Nettie, telling you how thankful I am to you for sending words of cheer and money whereby I could be supplied with comforts, which are few, but those few are more than appreciated Nothing but mail, papers, magazines, washing and flowers are allowed, and everything is read and searched for fear something will be sent in, and everything the same going out, and they keep a man with me, fearing will do harm to myself, night and day.
 Colly was allowed to buy me cards, checkers and dcminos to help take up my mind, as this as an awful, awful place. and if it was not for my wife and baby and dear old mother should pray for relief through death, and it may come as it is. but whatever the outcome I shall take it for the best. came in here, but I look at it all for the best. BertIa am. Jr.. is growing fast and will soon be able to walk Minnie comes over Tuesdays and Fridays, and Coliy comes almost every day, except Saturdays. Sundays and all holidays 1 am not allowed to see anyone but my lawyers, and they hardly ever come on those days.
 l aitf dllOWeQ OilIy one SIi0SL or paper per day and I have to write all letters V ith a lead pencil, but law is law and the way of the transgressor is hard, and my whole life as you know has been 8 rough one. full of snareS and pitfalls Nettie, I am sure that my whole life would have been different if father had have treated me differ entiy, but he did not, and by his cruel seemingly good homes, and as far as mother was concerned it was all right for she treated us all so kindly and on the other hand different. Do you know, Nettie. I have found this double self as no one knows and through pride I have kept my wrong doings within myself, whereas if 1 had told someone my uncomfortable desires IS years ago I could have been ~t away and this awful, awful thing would never occurred. This desire to steal began when but 9 years old and by degrees has led to my arrest April ,. 1910, and with my temper that has followed me always and at a fash mo- tice has been the cause of many un- happy recollectsons that I have longed and wished were never so, and as I sit in my dreary cell I think and think of tEe many happy times I had while at 1274. but theN are all gone like poor yelma
 She is better off, Nettie. though it's hard to part with loved ones, but we have all got to go sooner or later, so
  there is a gleam of sunshine for LIS all somewhere My trial comes off the 18th of Sept. at e-s0 a. m. It's strange to me. Nettie. that as much money as I have been trusted with and only once eid I take from my employer and hundreds and thousands of dollars have been intrusted in my care and I never thought Of taking a penny and to think l should go out from all that was good and steal here and in every place I have been and ended up by killing a rOor defenseless woman at any other time I would protect with my life, but the awful screaming of four women suppose unnerved me and fere I am God have mercy on all my folks and relatives and keep them one and all from harm. Love and kisses and best wishes to vou-Ben and Grandma 4 gain thanking you for all our kind nesses in every way, and to hear from yOu.-if only a word, your loving cousin. BERT.
 Aug. 22. 1910.
 P. S.-Mother is not very well. but is trying so hard to keep up for my sake. Poor old mother, how much she has had to suffer.