davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
SOLDIER WITH GOOD LUNGS
Private johnson Was Arrested When
Sergeant Heard Him Singing
300 Yards Away.

gigantic private in the guards was
brought before his G. o. charged with
being disorderly In the public street.
Who put this man in the guard
room?' asked the colonel.
81 did, sir" replied the sergeant.
81 was In the town last night, when
7 heard some one believing and roar
ing songs about 300 yards away. /
went to the spot and heard the ac-
cused-Private Johnson-singing at
the top Of his voice"
And you could hear him 300 yards
away?" asked the colonel.
Yes, SIR
We'll, what have you to say, Pri-
vate Johnson?" continued the colonel,
turning to the accused.
please, sir, "said Private Johnson,
al was only 'umming Ideas.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
When Mr.. Murphy Hustled.

The other evening at the Lyceum
theater, where Mr.. Tim Murphy has
been playing the tombstone agent in
Mrs. Bumstead-Leigh," the small
callboy, who was new to his calling,
came to the comedians dressing room
door and knocked.
Come In, come in," said Mr.. Muir
ply.
IT don't know as I ought" faltered
the boy, half opening the door.
"Oh, that's all right" pressed the
comedian. Come in and tell me all
about yourself. So you expect to be
an actor, too, some day? Sit down.
Sit down, my boy"
Tim afraid I can't I-you see
Mrs. Fiske, she sent me to say that
that they gave the cue for your en-
trance some time ago and they've got
to fake the scene till you get on, sir. >"
What Mr.. Murphy said is not re-
corded. Probably he did not remain
to say it.-Cleveland Leader.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Cause of Explosions In Flour Mills.

An English firm Of millers, troubled
with dust explosions, set about dis
covering the cause Of ignition of the
dust. The mills use the steel roller
process Of patent flour, and iron or
steel particles in the grain were sus-
pected of coming in contact with the
steel rolls eand emitting the spark,
causing the explosions.
Accordingly, an apparatus was de-
signed by which all the grain subject
to the rolls first was passed over high
Iy magnetized steel arresters. The
result was strikingly in proof of the
theory. These electro magnets col
Iected steel and iron particles ranging
from the microscopic up to box nails
several inches long. With standard
equipment Of arresters capable of pass
ing 1000 bushels of grain an hour, so
much metal collects that several times
day the magnets must be swung
aside and brushed clean of their ac-
emulation Chicago Tribune.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Little Miss
Boston
~ BY IDA WARNER MAcLEAN ~

Barry Walden lay comfortably out
stretched in his steamer chair, day
dreaming, when small voice sudden
ly chirped up beside him.
Are you for Harvard?"
Turning in amused surprise, he
found a fve-year-old girl gravely re-
garding him out of a pair of red-brown
eyes.
Il beg your pardon; did you speak?'
81 asked If you are for Harvard
NO." said Barry soberly.
ooh! Then you are for Yale" she
commented with touch of condecen-
sion.
Wrong again." rejoined the young
collegian, suppressing smile.
She looked at him searchingly from
under a thatch of wavy russell hair,
then with dignity announced in final
tone:
eff you are not for Harvard, you
must be for Yale"
mot necessarily" This long word
was obviously not in her vocabulary,
but after the slightest waver Of en-
barrassment she entrenched herself
behind her former ultimatum.
"You must be for Yale, If you are
not for Harvard
'On the contrary, I'm for good old
Princeton, every time"
But now the big eyes met his in
blank inquiry, echoing in the childish
voice, Princeton! What's that?"
Shade of my Alma Mater!" Barry's
appreciation of this innocent egotism
brought tears of laughter to his eyes,
also an expression of growing disfavor
to his companions face.
what are you laughing at?' she
finally demanded. 'It is silly to laugh
when there's nothing to laugh at
With some difficulty, he straight
ened his face.
Pardon me, SO it is. Princeton, my
dear Miss Boston, is not altogether an
unknown seat of learning, where some
unfortunate seekers after knowledge
whom fate or inclination deny an en-
trance into Harvard or Yale console
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Loses Life for so Cents.

In trying to win a bet of so cents,
and to prove to friends that he was a
daring climber and not afraid to look
down from great heights, Foster An
derson started up 40-foot fagpole at
Bergenline avenue and Eleventh
street.
Anderson, who was married, and the
father Of three small children, laughed
when he called to a party Of friends:
"This is the easiest money I ever
mon"
He reached the top of the pole with
out apparent exertion, and then to
make sure of winning his bet he
stood on top Of it. He lost his balance
and dived to the street. His death
followed a few minutes later.-New
York World
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
HIS CREDENTIALS STRONG
Reformed Burglar Secured Job Selling
Safes, Although Business Was
Rather Dull,

I'VE are not taking on any new
travelling men just now" the safe
manufacturer said. Business is rath-
er dull in our line"
well, if you need one, let me
know" said the applicant for a Job,
I'D rather sell your safe than any
there is in the market. It's the best"
"Are you an expert?"
Yes, sir, 1 know all there is to be
known about Safes"
Ever deal in them?"
mo, SIR
Ever work in a factory"
mo, SIR
How do you know ours is the
best?"
Because it takes longest to break
into It,"
"How do you know that?"
''I'm reformed burglar
He got the job.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
"You Must Be for Yale.

themselves as best they may, and
drown the voice of their regrets by
shouting: "'Rah for Princeton!'"
The descendant Of Puritans replied
to the one point in this peroration
which she had grasped.
my name is not Miss Boston, live
there. My name is Marjory Brew
ster"
Barry removed his cap. I'm pleased
to meet you, Miss Brewster. How do
you like being on the sea-"
In spite of their inauspicious begin
ming, the two became excellent friends
during the voyage, and when it was
over, little Miss Boston parted from
her ''big boy" with tears; but to the
last, she failed to grasp the possibility
Of any intermediate state between Har-
ward and Yale.
It was twelve years before they met
again. Barry, on his way to visit a
favorite cousin, was attracted by g.
girl in brown, occupying the chair OPP
posite his own In the train.
There was something reminiscent
about the waves of russell hair show
ing beneath the smart travelling hat,
and his eyes sought tag swinging
from the handle of bag over the
girls head, to fall the next moment
with pleased curiosity on the partly
averted face. Then he leaned for
ward.
Good afternoon, Miss Boston. I'm
still from Princeton every time"
A pair of startled eyes met his
rather haughtily for moment, then
the straight brows were raised in
placid inquiry.
Princeton! What's that"
Barry crossed to a vacant chair be-
side her, remarking contentedly, as he
held a small gloved hand, 81 thought
I wasn't mistaken in the wrinkles in
your hair; you are not changed
particle"
"No," she assented demurely, mot
In any of my articles of faith. II you
are not for Harvard, you must be for
Yale I am going to visit friend in
England In the coming Yale-Princeton
game"
"And l." said Barry with dignity,
IAN going to encourage the dear old
Tiger to lash his tail, and chase Yale
OFF the footstool."
'sThe chaser in football certainly
needs all the encours cement he can
GET" she remarked. when Yale is
chased off he may possibly bear the
ball with him."
Presently, by comparing notes, they
found that Marjory's friend was Bar
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Inspiration In London.

There is a business end to music.
Yesterday afternoon the German band
was playing just before dinner Sc
lections from the Fatherland. 1t was
Just too late. The kaiser had gone.
And the square responded not at all
to the appeal. There was not cop
per flung from boarding house win
dow. And then-you could see the in
SEPARATION in the bandmaster's eye.
They had the card up their sleeve.
The German band started "The Star
Spangled Banner" and went on to
Yankee Doodle" Heads peeped out
from blinded windows. Then it was
Dixie" and the doors opened. After
that it was John Browns Body" and
Hail, Columbia. By that time the
doorsteps were crowded with the
strangers within our rather dismal
Bloomsbury gates, and the German
band found Bloomsbury blosoming in
American dollars.-London Chronicle.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Execution to the Rule.

The teacher was giving the school a
little lecture on good conduct and how
to get on. LET me caution you on
another point, children" she said.
avoid criticising. Don't make prac-
tice of finding fault with other people
or picking flaws in what they say or
do. It is a very bad habit to form and
will make your own life unhappy"
"Why, teacher" spoke up little
boy, that's the, way my father makes
his livin'!"
"You surprise me, Georgy. What ia
your fathers occupation?"
Hes proofreader, ma'am."
The teacher coughed.
''Well, Georgy," she said, II will
make an exception in the case Of your
father Rehoboth Sunday Herald.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
In The "one caIIusD Country

A northerner asked cracker II he
thought he could get new pair OF
suspenders at the ferry store. After
he had ridden on, the half grown son
of the cracker asked, Pap, what's
them?"
ST reckon they be galluses,' was the
reply.
'But, pap, what's he a-gotn' for to
git a par fur? Dye reckon he's got
two par O. briches ?"-Lippincott's
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Foolish COMPANY,

well, want to get my life in
sured," said a very old man who had
entered the Office of general agent.
II am afraid our company will not
wish to take you as a risk" the agent
replied. How old are you?"
"Eighty-fve."
1--WE never write policies for people
who are over eighty"
What's the matter with your fool
company? Don't you know that a
great many more people die under
eighty than over that age?"-Judge.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Distant Relative,

Johnny's mother bought him a fire
engine. He wanted to see how 1t
worked, and of course in very short
time the wheels were off. She was
naturally very angry with him and
punished him severely. When daddy
came home he found his small son sit
ting in the nursery with very red
eyes.
why, my poor old man." he in
CURED, what is the matter?"
Muffin" shifted the small boy.
But something must be wrong"
persisted daddy. do tell me-"
"Oh, well, If you want to know"
said the little boy, 81 have just been
having an awful row with your wife. +"
-Tit-Bits.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Cocoa and Chocolate.

Chocolate and cocoa are both pre-
pared from the cocoa bean Chico
broma Cacao) and by a similar pro-
cess, viz, the grinding of the seeds
in very fine paste. Chocolate and
cocoa are not the same thing, how
ever, though they are.quite commonly
confounded commercially. The paste
when unmixed, or mixed with -four OF
other farinaceous material, is usually
called cocoa; but when much sugar
or spices such as vanilla, cinnamon,
etc., are added, it bears the name OF
chocolate.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
A Common Misfortune.

Whats the matter, Jaggsby? You
look blue
my boy for birthday present
charged on a crowd of children who
were teasing him and butted some Of
them pretty badly"
What happened?"
"a policeman interfered, and as /
was mad about his taking up for the
children I talked pretty sassy to him
and now the laws got my goat"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Lots In a Name.

Don't tackle the magazines till you
have made your reputation" David
Graham Phillips once said to a journal
list at the Authors club in New York.
II once tackled magazine editor in
this ROOM" he went on. Il told him
Of my high aims. I submitted three
stories to him, saying:
II am convinced I have talent
know have future, SIR
"'Well, said the editor, yawning,
have it made into past, and then
you'll be able to drive better bar
gain with me-
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Almost a Case of Contempt.

The attorney for the prosecution
mopped his perspiring brow.
"Your honor" he said, "in view OF
the sitting heat suggest that we sus-
pend proceedings in this trial for a
day or two and give the weather q
chance to moderate"
This brought the attorney for the
defense to his feet.
"But the jury"
90, let the Jury go hang!"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
An Aid to ELEGANCE,

What book helped you most, Mr..
Greatwad, during your younger days."
"a copy of an ancient atlas which,
strangely enough, somebody had left
in the hall bedroom occupied"
"Ah! You studied it during your
leisure moments, presumed"
ooh, not at all, but found the book
of great assistance in keeping my
trousers pressed while I was courting
my employers daughter"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Her Dearest Pets.

81 have heart rending scene in my
new drama"
"How now?"
"The heroine is in such reduced cir
cumstances that she has to cook the
canary"
'sSad, sad"
'fBut the worst is yet to come. She
plant"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
One Way.

"Your cook told me she was going
to leave you"
81 know, but I fixed her SO she will
stay on indefinitely"
"Raise her Wages?"
"No, sent my husband to the kit
chen to discharge her. That made her
so mad that she is determined to stay
lust to show him who Is boss"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Worried,

Eyes, a strange thing happened yes
terday I have been trying all day
to figure it out"
what was the nature of it?"
"When I got home last night my
wife didn't have a single complaint
to make to me about things the chill
dren had been doing during the day.
I'm trying to decide whether the chill
dren have become cunning enough to
deceive her or whether she has some
thing to absorb her and doesn't care
any more"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Clad Relief.

"Thank heaven those bills are got
rid off," said Bilkins, fervently, as he
tore up bundle of statements Of &C
counts dated October /.
Gall paid, eh?" said Mrs. Bilkins.
30, no." said Bilkins. "The dupH-
Gates dated November 1 have come in
and I don't have to keep these any
longer Harper's Weekly.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Little Story Of Success.

Maria" Mr.. Dorkins said, with a
lote of exultation in his voice, Il
turned a trade today that netted me
8 clean $4,000"
"Hmph!" calculated his spouse, in
her loftiest you-make-me7tired man
ner; Il went out today to hEnt up a
frst-elass cook. and got her, John
got her!''
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Quite . Difference.

''Jaggs acquired large package the
other day and began little pistol
practice in the lobby Of the office
building. One very deaf man asked
his office boy If the noise he heard
outside was mail chute, and what
do you think the boy told him?"
Not was male shooting"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Degrees.

Photographer-It's rather too late
to photograph your little boy this eve
ming, madam.
Mamma-Surely there's enough light
for q child like him.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Larger Field.

Father, I am not sure whether |
shall be specialist for the ears or
the teeth"
Choose the teeth, my boy; every
one has 80 of them, but only two ears
Sacred Heart Review.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
A SIiuht Mistake.

poor old Bill has just found out
Why the police have been shadowing
him."
sWhy have they?"
Because the people who live under
him on the ground floor told the police
that he was a second-story man"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
AltoQethAr,

"Pipps is in luck"
'How sol"
He is teaching an heiress down at
che seashore how to SWIM
do you think she win marry him p
That depends altogether on the
number of times she has been taught
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
non,t Mlnd hInh Prices.

You don't mind high prfces?''
NO." replied the resolute philoso-
pher. when prices are high, think
how much more you save every time
YOU decide to get along without some.
thing"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Effective Method.

do you suppose suffragettes ever
look under their beds to see if man
is there?"
ct isn't necessary. Before retiring
they rehearse their speeches and IL a
burglar happens to be shopping
around he loses no time in getting
away"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
Forced to Il.

DR.. Piller-You must diet yourself
and eat plain food, and not stay out
late at night.
Patient-That is what have been
thinking ever since you sent in your
last bill
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
The Shocking Part.

This book is rather racy. Wasn't
your husband shocked?''
"He was when he learned | had
bought it instead Of getting it from
the public library"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07
His Position.

sI am in trouble over that electric
button business"
"Ah, / see-you are in button
hole"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1911-07-07

First Farmer-Hayrick put foul
mortgages on his COW.
Second Farmer-Yes, and yesterday
his COW was killed on the railroad, and
he'll get damages.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-11-13
Marriage Decreases in EneIand,

London-Fewer people than ever,
in proportion to the population, are
getting married in England and Wales.
III his quarterly return, issued re-
Gently, the registrar general states
that in the first three months of this
year the marriages of 89,500 persons
were registered, being equal to an an
nual rate of 100 persons married per
1000 of the estimated population,
against an average rate of 11.4 per
1000 in the first quarter of the ten
years 1901-10. OF counties with
populations exceeding 100000 Buck
inghamshire, with IL, had the lowest
rate, and northumberland, with Ills
the highest. London's rate was 11.5.
The birth dealt with in the report
are those for the second quarter of
the year. They numbered 225,777,
and were in the proportion of $50 an
nually per 1000 of the population.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-11-13

the unfortunate official responsible
is liable to severe punishment. Am
ong many other things the emperor
has never tasted fish.
The emperor is said to be wilful
by nature and to revel in mischief,
especially when he can induce his at
tendants to follow him into a flooded
courtyard after a heavy rain. BY a
decree issued recently Lu-Jun- Hsiang
and Chen-Pao-Ch'e were appointed
imperial tutors and it was directed
that they should take up their duties
upon an auspicious date to be deter
mined by the board of astronomy.
The latter selected the eighteenth day
of the seventh moon (September 100
Both these tutors are Chinese scholars
of the old-fashioned type, but it Is
believed that a foreign tongue. prob
ably English, will form part Of the
imperial curriculum at later date.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-11-13
PERSONAL
MENTION
. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES

F. c. Thomas of La Graade is reg
istered at the Bowman.
Rev. Father Durgan went to Echo
on the local this morning.
Fred Anderson of Gurdane is an
out of town visitor in the city.
Sam Banister of Enterprise was
among the Sunday visitors in the city.
Annie May Thompson of Gibbon.
was a Sunday visitor in Pendleton.
Mrs. ]. w. Adkins was over from
her home at Walla Walla yesterday.
George II. Myers of Hermiston, was
up from the project town Saturday.
Commissioner Horace Walker went
to Stanfield on the local this morning.
j. NJ. Sullens of Gibbon was in the
city yesterday on one of his frequent
trips.
Bert Wilson, claim agent for the
O.-W. r. & n. company, IS in the city
today.
w. ]. Donavan was numbered am
ong the Hermiston residents in the
city yesterday.
Nate Raines, we'll known stock
man, was an outgoing passenger on
the o'clock local.
Claude Edwards and Max Stewart
both of Hermston, were in the City
Saturday evening.
William Kononen of Adams, came
in from his home Saturday and re-
mained over night.
Mrs O. T. LongWell and son Ray
have returned from the east where
they have been visiting.
j. Herbert Strohm came up from
Hermiston last night and returned on
the local thS morning.
r. n. Stanfield, we'll known sheep
man, went to the west end of the
county on the local this, morning.
Mrs L. NJ. Ubel of Umatilla, came
up from the railroad town yester-
! day and spent the night in the CITY,
Councilman and Mrs V. Stroble
were incoming passengers on the To-
cal from Walla Walla this morning.
Miss Celia Rem, stenographer at
the Hartman Abstract company, re-
| turned this morning from a Sunday
visit at Wa!la Walla.
| F. C. Mckenzie, city recorder OF
Hermiston, and Mrs. Mckenzie re-
I turned to their home this morning al
ter spending day in the city.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-11-13
HARD TIMES FOR A BABY KING.
China's Little Rulers Routine OF LhV-
ing Would Kill Ordinary Child.

Peking. China.-As soon as the EN-
peror Kuang-Hsu of China died the
baby Pu-Yi was taken from his moth
er and placed in the Forbidden CITY
in the hands of the empress dowager,
who was henceforth regarded as the
baby emperors mother. Even the
hidebound etiquette of the Chinese
court had given way, however. to the
imperial baby's grief at being sep
arated from his mother and arrange
ments had to be made for occasional
visits
The baby emperor is addressed in
the palace as Wan-Sui-Yeh Qord of
ten thousand years.. Every morning
he is awakened at G o'clock by the
singing of eight eunuchs. and he has
three meals a day-at s a. m. noon
and 6 p. m, retiring to rest at s p.
m. The baby emperor's diet is a
simple one, the only rule observed
being never to put any article of-food
upon the table which cannot be. pro-
cured Immediately at any time of the
year. The reason is that the emper-
or is supposed to be given anything
he asks for, and If this is impossible
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-11-13
THE WAY OF THE MOTH.

THAT young chap comes around to
the stage door every night in spite
of the fact that he hasn't the ghost
of a chance to get in"
'Well. there's nothing remarkable
about that. Did you ever see a moth
humping around an electric light
is safe to assure you you will find
them interesting, if not instructive"
FUN.
"Now," said the chairman of the
reception committee, 'if it will suit
your convenience we will conduct you
through some of our greatest indus
trial establishm l feel that it
is safe to assure ou that you will find
bulb?"
Thank YOU" replied the distin-
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1911-11-13
BRINGS SEA ELEPHANT TALE.
Explorer Reports Seeing Herds of
Supposedly Extinct Mon ters.

Los Angeles, Cal-That large and
shaggy sea-elephants classed by great
scientists as prehistoric and long since
extinct, still exist in large herds on
Guadalupe island is the declaration of
Pngree /. Osburn.
Osburn says three herds of sea-
elephants, the largest of which con-
tained about fifty animals, were sight
ed on Guadalupe Island by the expe-
dition exploring the coast line with
the U. S. s. Albatross.
Two were shot The largest meas
ured twenty-one feet in length. and
was more than eighteen feet high,
says Osburn, who is connected with
the New York Museum exhibition.